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we pass nate on the way , with his arms wrapped around natasha and his hands tucked into her back pockets . |
`` hey man , we 're taking off . |
you think you can find another ride ? '' |
jackson asks . |
`` what do you mean ? |
you 're both leaving ? '' |
nate asks , frowning . |
`` yup , we 're going back to my place , dude , '' jackson replies . |
`` you cool for a ride ? '' |
`` yeah , come here for a second , '' nate says , his eyes flicking back and forth between us . |
he takes jackson 's arm and pulls him toward a screen door in the back . |
`` not you , '' he says to me , as i begin to follow . |
i bristle at his tone . |
they disappear out back and i look after them , my mouth open in shock and annoyance . |
i ca n't believe the way nate talks to me sometimes . |
so dismissively . |
i exchange a polite smile with natasha , who is now looking around the party aimlessly , clearly bored without nate . |
screw nate . |
i 'll do whatever the hell i please , and i want to know what he 's saying . |
i brush past natasha , push open the screen door and walk into the small , fenced-in backyard . |
there are fewer people out here , but there 's still a crowd . |
i can just see nate and jackson talking in a back corner . |
i weave my way through the people , keeping my head down so they do n't notice me . |
i take out my phone so i look like i 'm doing something other than eavesdropping , and sidle into the group nearest to them . |
i can just overhear what they 're saying . |
`` why , do you want her nate ? '' |
jackson asks angrily . |
my eyes widen . |
`` fuck no , she 's my stepsister . |
it 's just weird , that 's all . |
you two . |
she 's not your type . '' |
i feel a stab of pain at the finality of nate 's words . |
`` she 's gorgeous , '' i hear jackson reply . |
`` you think she 's gorgeous ? '' |
nate says , beginning to laugh . |
`` seriously ? |
dude , come on . |
besides , she 's a fucking buzz kill . '' |
i do n't want to hear any more . |
i can already feel angry tears building up behind my eyes . |
i 'm so stupid . |
why do i keep giving nate the benefit of the doubt , when he is so clearly such an asshole ? |
i walk quickly back inside , through the living room , and out to the street . |
i turn toward the left , where i can see a busier street , and hustle toward it . |
i know it 's going to be a pricey cab ride back to the house , but i feel like i 'm about to explode into a puddle of tears . |
and i do n't want to give nate the satisfaction of seeing me cry . |
chapter eleven i breathe in as deeply as possible and hold it , counting to ten before exhaling as slowly as i can , trying to rid myself of the hurt feeling that followed me home from the party . |
it 's a trick i learned to control my anxiety , and to say that i 'm anxious right now would be an understatement . |
i ca n't remember the last time i heard someone talk about me like that , though i suppose it 's partially my fault for eavesdropping . |
i finally start to feel calm enough to go to sleep , and reach to turn off my bedside lamp . |
a rush of footsteps up the stairs makes me pause . |
i sit up a bit as they continue down the hallway toward my bedroom . |
a second later , my bedroom door bursts open and nate walks in , his face dark with anger . |
`` you 're in bed ? |
you 've got ta be fucking kidding me . |
that was really selfish of you to run off without telling anyone , you know that ? '' |
he spits at me , then turns around and walks out . |
i 'm frozen in shock for a moment . |
what the hell was that ? |
what does he have to be mad at me for ? |
i leap out from under my covers and march out of my bedroom just in time to stop him from shutting his door . |
he swings around as i charge into his room . |
`` i 'm selfish ? |
you are just ... you are just ... '' i stumble in my anger , trying to think of the right word . |
`` yeah , you 're selfish , brynn ! |
i looked around that party for you for thirty minutes ! |
i thought you might have been kidnapped ! |
i almost called the cops ! '' |
`` wait ... what ? '' |
i reply , completely thrown . |
`` ever heard of a text message ? '' |
he asks , his voice laden with sarcasm . |
`` yes , i 've heard of a text message ! '' |
man , i wish i were better at arguing . |
`` hey , wait a second , this is n't about me , this is about you ! |
you 're the asshole ! |
i heard what you were saying about me to jackson , i 'm not a buzzkill , and maybe i 'm not gorgeous , but i 'm not some kind of joke , either ! '' |
i fight back the tears welling in my eyes , more angry than i 've ever been in my life . |
there , that got him . |
he stands dumbfounded and i seize the opportunity to walk out . |
just as i 'm about to cross the threshold , he reaches around me and closes the door in front of me . |
i stop short and turn around angrily , almost ready to smack him . |
he 's standing so close to me i 'm practically pinned against the door . |
`` wait , what ? |
how 'd you hear that ? |
you followed us outside ? '' |
`` yes , i followed you , '' i reply , stumbling a bit because i know i was wrong in that regard . |
`` i was mad because you were obviously trying to stop me from leaving with jackson , and i wanted to know why . '' |
i take a deep breath . |
`` i guess i ca n't control what you think about me , and that 's ... whatever , that 's fine , but i do n't know why you had to go sharing your opinion with jackson . |
i mean , am i really that unattractive to you ? '' |
to my horror , my lower lip starts to tremble . |
i do n't want to cry right now but i ca n't hold back the tears any longer . |
`` no ... shit , that 's not what ... '' nate says , his eyes widen as a tear slips down my cheek . |
i furiously brush it away and nate backs up , running his hands through his wavy hair . |
`` it 's not that i do n't want jackson to date you , it 's that i do n't want you to date jackson . '' |
`` what ? |
that does n't make any sense , '' i reply , trying to staunch the flow of tears as i tug at my hair . |
`` jackson 's track record with women is pretty bad . |
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