Datasets:

Kanakmi

/

mental-disorders

like 9

So I have a reallllllly bad habit of picking and my last therapist noticed I do this when I’m anxious (our sessions ended since). Anyway, getting to the point, my picking is WAY out of hand at the moment. I’m at the point where I will pick EVERY thing imaginable and continue to do so even when it bleeds (that won’t stop me). I’ve tried recognising when I’m anxious and distracting myself or resolving what’s making me anxious (not possible in this situation), I’ve tried asking my family to hide any tools that could aid in my picking, I’ve even tried mittens but nothing is working. Has anyone got any tips? I really need a way to overcome this.

TW: Mention of death, ED behavior. I'm a little scared to be talking about this because I'm paranoid that if I discuss how I'm feeling — such as the worst-case scenarios that keep crossing my mind — I might make it happen somehow, like some self-fulfilling prophecy or whatever. That's why I usually keep these anxious thoughts bottled up, but the idea of telling somebody about it anonymously is a little easier. To put it simply — I'm struggling. It doesn't help that this is coinciding with a million other things going on in my life, like several family members in the hospital (with one of those critically ill and possibly on the verge of death due to his severe illness) and my house feeling like it's falling apart (broken boiler, shower caught on fire???), but I'm really worried about where my relationship is heading. What's worse is that I feel like it's all my fault and yet I'm totally incapable of putting the right steps in place to try to fix what's broken. I was initially cautious about getting in a relationship in the first place, despite the fact that I was the one who asked my SO out, for a bunch of different reasons; we're super far apart physically, I'd never been in a relationship before, I genuinely don't believe I deserve to be loved, et cetera, et cetera. From the start, I had a feeling that our relationship would be wrought with my anxiety and over-analyzing my SO's words and actions. Even if he was the perfect guy for me — and I honestly feel like he is — I get so in my head about everything that I'm convinced that our relationship is at a breaking point even though (logically speaking) it really isn't. We've had a few minor problems as of recently — and I mean minor — and the thoughts of him secretly hating me and wanting me dead or something have just gotten even more extreme. Minor disagreements, conversations that ended abruptly because it was clear neither of us was happy, and communication issues (feeling like he ghosted me after I expressed how sad I was about all the horrible stuff happening in my life right now). No matter how much he says he loves me, I can't wrap my head around why he would practically ignore me for more than a day because things are a bit complicated at the moment in my life. I've been so crushed about this that I've barely been able to sleep and eat. *This* is why I keep everything in. If people knew how deeply sad and anxious I am, I'd have nobody at all. I just don't want him to break up with me. I really, really love my SO. Regardless of what's happened recently, he *does* understand my anxiety somewhat because of his personal experience. I just worry that it has become "too much" at this point — I told him about how I'm stuck in another binge-restrict cycle, not helped by the fact that I have no appetite whatsoever, and binging feels like inflating myself with a fucking air pump, and that I've become so obsessed with 'contaminating' my new cat that I've started washing my hands until they're cracked and bleeding because I don't want him to get sick (even when there's nothing on my hands whatsoever). I told him how wrung out I felt, how I've been really upset and crying constantly, and even though he's seen me sad, he's never seen me this bad. At the beginning of our relationship, I was the closest to 'mentally healthy' I've ever been and I'm scared that gave him a false perception of how bad I feel. I do feel like I'm being torn apart on the inside with everything falling apart around me — my eating habits have gone to shit, I'm having panic attacks daily, I'm seeing 'shadows' of my cat around the house and literally chasing after them before I realize he's literally in his crate at night, and I'm crying or just emotionally numb 99.9% of the time. Am I just scared he's going to break up with me because I'm in such a state or is the state I'm in going to make him break up with me? I really would do anything to prevent a break-up from happening. Despite all the problems I've got going on, he really is an amazing person and I've learned from past experiences that I do have a tendency to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Losing him at a time like this would be crushing.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety (generalized and social) about five years ago now, but I think BPD might better explain some of my symptoms. I was under 18 when I was diagnosed with those things, so I couldn't have been diagnosed with BPD even if the psychologist suspected it. Anyway. I've been doing a lot of research (I know that's not always great, but... idk) and BPD does seem to fit. I don't know if it's best to tell her what I think or let her reach the conclusion herself. The problem is, therapy is expensive, and I'd like to start making progress as soon as possible. So I don't want to waste months waiting for her to reach a conclusion I could be giving her now. I also worry that, if I tell her I think it's BPD, she might decide it isn't just because I've said it is and she wants to be the one to come up with the answer herself. If that makes sense. Idk if she'd do that or not; I've never met her. Alternatively, I might not have BPD at all. But I'd rather know that for sure. Do any of you have experience with this? Any advice about how to proceed? Should I go to the first session and gage the situation and then maybe tell her in the second one instead? I should note that I'm not *trying* to be diagnosed with BPD. I think it might explain some things about me, but it's fine with me if I don't actually have it. I just want to know so I can either move on or deal with it accordingly. Thanks :)

Taking Xanax time to time, usually drink them before panic attack. Idk what’s going on lately with me, every situation makes me super anxious I’m super shaky every day. I’m pushing everyone away.

I know there's a subreddit but it's quite small. I just want to talk with people who understand and I want to hear their stories and I feel so extremely lonely right now and want to know more about people and blah

Had an explosive fight with my parents tonight. I tried my best to be vocal and calm with my thoughts, but ended up just getting shouted at, gaslit and blamed. I cut myself out of anger and now I'm watching myself bleed. Felt really happy for the first ten minutes, because I failed so many times. I fear i'm going to wake up tomorrow and look at whatever mess is on my wrist in disgust. I'll just take a shower and go to bed.

My bf of 4 years broke up with me in August because he felt as though I was holding him back and he was going to be something one day without me. He recently was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and he has been begging me to get back with him and blames breaking up on his new diagnosis. He says that he was having a manic episode. While I have more of an understanding for his feelings, I can’t help but feel bothered that he won’t take responsibility for breaking up with me bc I “hold him back”. I dont think there’s any justification for how he felt, bipolar diagnosis or not. Am I wrong for that?

happy new year! i hope it turns out better than the last.

Anyone wanna be my fp? I just want a fp who's fp I am as well, if that makes sense idk. I feel completely lost and hopeless without a fp. My previous fp just replaced me and overall turned really toxic. I just need someone who understands me and who I can trust. Especially someone who won't just replace me. Also I have to write something cause the Automod keeps on deleting this stupid posts, for not having enough characters bruh

Wake up at 7am Lay in bed for 30 mins Get out and do morning shit while constantly worrying abt what's gonna happen that day and just feeling horrible and overthinking everything Consider just killing myself and sometimes cut a bit bcz of the stress Go to school Be stressed and worried and sad all day at school Finally come home, absolutely exhausted Start worrying and overthinking the next day Eat dinner Worry and overthink more Stay up till 4-5am bcz I don't want it to be the next day Repeat

So usually I discuss grief in therapy, but I’ve been moving more toward talking about my anxiety that I’d kind of been ignoring by focusing on grief. I’ve been seeing this therapist for a couple years and have always felt safe with them and validated by them before this. I brought up some trauma from high school and mentioned how someone I’d considered a best friend had been speaking badly about me to my other friends because I was depressed. They had been saying stuff like, “Aren’t you tired of always checking up on her?” and were basically complaining about me. That friendship ended badly. After it ended, I had another friend mention that they had been doing that the whole time. I had been completely unaware of it before then. I was really hurt and said how I was kind of angry that they hadn’t defended me or brought it up to me before the end of that friendship so I could have been aware of what kind of person that best friend was. I brought this up to show one of the reasons why I feel insecure in my friendships. My therapist brought up how they have a friend who is insecure and constantly asks for reassurance in their friendship and how my therapist becomes frustrated by this. It felt like complaining. I was shocked and upset because that’s not really what I need to hear. 1) I don’t do this with my friends. I take much more of an avoidant stance (not healthy either, I know). 2) it’s not like I’m not aware of how this could affect my relationships. I’m talking about this so that doesn’t happen. I felt defensive and upset because my therapist had taken away my safe space. It felt like the past two years of them knowing me did not exist because of them jumping to saying how it can be frustrating have a friend like me. I know it can be frustrating which is why I’m avoidant—and I don’t want to be like that anymore. The lack of empathy was upsetting. They later apologized and explained what they were trying to achieve and said that “therapists fuck up too”, but I feel like we took a lot of steps backwards because of this. I didn’t feel comfortable or validated. I honestly felt like leaving the session. It felt like I had to defend why I felt the way I felt to them and their approach felt tactless and rude. Have any of you guys experienced this before? If so, how did you handle it with your therapist?

I’ve had an anxiety inducing day and I’m trying to sleep and have become so convinced that I’m going to die. Not like death anxiety or worried about getting sick or anything - I think that I am going to either die in my sleep tonight, or pass away at some point tomorrow. I feel it in my bones, I’m so sure if it, my heart is racing and my chest hurts and my head hurts. Does anybody know if this is a symptom of something specific? Has anyone else experienced this? I have depression/anxiety.

My older sister is on the psychosis spectrum ( I'm sorry if I am misusing the terminology, I mean no harm - still getting used to it), and after a year of what seemed a somewhat successful period (she finished her Master's/ got a job etc.), she quit her meds (Olanzapine), and the whole situation quickly escalated within a month. She is hospitilised now and doing better. There were no visible by-products of the drugs that her psychiatrist was aware of. She is, however, still strongly against pharmacotherapy. So I was wondering what it's like - taking the drugs - and what would be the reasons for being so emphatically against them. Thanks in advance guys!

I feel completely lost. I recently quit my job because of a toxic work environment but ever since then I feel lost. I don't know what to do with my life. No one understands how I feel. My work is my life its my coping mechanism. My work is very important to me I want my work to have meaning I want it to be fulfilling. I'm 21f and engaged I know I could do anything I wanted with enough work and concentraten but my problem is not knowing what I want to do who I want to be.

So I've been riding hypomania for a few months now which was likely triggered by an increase in an antidepressant mixed with Spring/Summer. I was happy and productive and loving life and just convinced myself I was stable, not hypo, even though I was recklessly spending and obsessively hyper-focusing on different tasks and averaging 700 calories of food daily along with 5 hours sleep. For close to a month now I've been getting irritable and experiencing flight of ideas, pressured speech, and even physically feeling agitated. Still hardly eating or sleeping, with the exception of the odd 10 hour marathon sleep on a weekend (I'm still getting 5-6 hours, but average for me is 8-9, but I'm not tired). I'm sure a crash is inevitable and I've finally accepted I probably should speak to my psychiatrist and adjust meds, but I called the office today and it's closed until September. I have an appointment with my primary care physician next week and I'm wondering if I should talk to her about what's going on, but I'm not sure because my psychiatrist told me he's in charge of my psychiatric meds. Seriously not sure what I should do between now and September (it doesn't feel urgent enough to seek urgent care, especially where my area is experiencing a healthcare crisis and is seriously under-resourced).

So I had a physical in February and my Doctor asked me a few mental health related questions, “do you have trouble motivating, are you worried often etc…”. I answered honestly and told her I force myself to load up on caffeine because I’m worried I won’t preform at work, and I drink myself to sleep to make sure I get adequate sleep because I worry I won’t be able to get 8 hours. I told her I get infrequent panic attacks, when having conversations with people I need to make a good impression with my neck gets stiff and I get shaky, or when confronting someone my vision gets narrowed and I get shaky. She told me I might have anxiety, but I really didn’t feel like it was severe enough to get therapy or medication, which was her recommendation. Normally the majority of my day I’m confident in what I’m doing, I don’t get nervous or second guess myself. I have noticed lately I’m becoming nervous when preforming my job functions, delaying going to bed or getting ready for work, and delaying going home after work because I don’t want to leave the familiarity with what I’m doing at that moment. My question after reading up on anxiety, Is there levels to having this disorder? I’m incredibly confident, happy, and don’t think twice before doing new things most of the time, but when I’m not, it feels almost debilitating.

[deleted]

just when it feels like life is getting better, i sink back down. it’s an agonizing perpetual cycle and i’m exhausted. i’m tired of life, tired of ppl, tired of myself, tired of living. i just need everything to stop. i feel hopeless because every measure i’ve taken to be better, never lasts. im so weak. i have no one i’m close enough with to talk to, therapy doesn’t help and i’ve been going for about 3-4 years. i hate the feeling of not being alone but still feeling lonely. it’s as if the ppl in my life are useless props for my shitshow.

Adderall, weed, nic, caffeine, xans over and over and over again. I feel worse than I have in a long time. Constant suicidal thoughts, I can’t sleep, I basically only eat the stuff I mentioned and Cheerios lol. My room is a disaster and I cant stop skipping classes. Honestly adderall isn’t really helping me focus anymore and that was basically what was holding me together. I feel so hopeless and I can’t talk to my parents because I don’t have the energy and they’ll probably freak out and make me come home from college. Im so stuck but I don’t even want to make any effort to make things better.

I’ve been in a stand up comedy group for a few months, we are all socially distanced and there’s only ~10 of us. There are a couple of teenagers, me (in my 20s), and then adults who are all probably 35+. initially i felt very weird in this group because i’m the only one at this point in my life, the teens are too young to relate to, the “adults” are all too old for me to relate to, but i go up there and talk my shit anyway. through this group, i have developed a *serious* passion for stand-up. it’s at the point where i just survive 6 days of the week so i can live for 3 hours on thursdays. I love being able to stand up and talk about myself or whatever i want in front of a group of people. i honestly love the attention. At my worst the audience HAS to listen to me, but at my best they laugh which is the ultimate thrill for me. I am a drug addict and decided to get sober, every week i incorporate my sobriety struggles into my bits. it’s a good way for me to cope, and at this point, it’s almost it’s own series. my sobriety jokes usually get the most laughs, which is really validating for me. i have 0 resources to get help for my mental illness, so this is literally my therapy each week. Anyway, last week i got to class early and one of the men asked me, “how’s your endeavor going?” i knew he meant sobriety so i took the opportunity to vent a little bit. he ended up telling me he was 25 years sober, which i NEVER would have guessed he was a druggie based off his personality alone, and we had a pretty decent conversation about it until class started. i have neglectful, emotionally reserved, asshole parents. The whole class I could hardly focus because it almost brought me to tears that he had intentionally asked me how i was doing. Then, at the end of class, he told me to “stay strong” on my way out. Previously, this guy was probably my least favorite in the class. I didn’t dislike him, but he sorta came off as a selfish asshole. My opinion of him has shifted dramatically. I can’t stress how much this meant to me. It really meant the whole fucking world. I feel so alone and uncared for and unlikeable 100% of the time I’m not doing stand up. I’ve known my group likes my jokes, but now I feel like they might care about me too. i haven’t been able to stop crying about it lol. DAE get really moved by little things such as this?

Has anyone had luck with it?

I recently got my shit together and got a good job that I genuinely enjoy, I’ve got hobbies that I can do, I finally feel like I’m ALMOST “normal”. The main thing I feel I’m missing are friends. I’ve got mutual friends who I know from my family, but I don’t really have many friends who I can go hangout with. I’ve got good online friends but it’s been nearly 6 months since I saw someone irl to hangout with. Now that I feel I’m sort of functional I’ve been really wanting to try and be more open to relationships. I always told myself that I wouldn’t burden a partner with my life, so now that I feel like I’m getting on track, I want to try a relationship, but I honestly don’t know how to meet people. All my hobbies are indoor do it on your own type of things. I tried bumble but that’s not worked very well for me. I just want to have a connection with someone if that makes sense.

I have no issue with anxiety because my mind is strong and rational enough to not care, but for some reason my heart rate goes insane if I'm doing something important like a job interview or asking someone out on a date. It genuinely makes me feel like I'm gonna faint. I'm not stressed or worried, but I still feel this way. Is there anything I can do? Breathing exercises have absolutely failed me. My mom would be very opposed to me taking any more medication, especially benzodiazepines. I already take 30mg of Adderall so I don't even know if taking beta blockers would even be possible.

I was taking mirtazapine and it worked very very well for my sleep for a few months and now the sadness came back, my insomnia is much worse than before, I even have the feeling that it's even worse than before that I am taking the medicine, in your opinion is it caused by the medicine not working properly?

What was the best compliment you ever received?

does anyone else just completely lose their appetite during an anxiety attack?

Looked kinda cool but I’m filled with regret. Wouldn’t have done it if I were sober.

I’m finally back in therapy after a long while and after a very long situation with emotional episodes that resulted in me losing my FP. Everything is still hard but I am speaking my progress and positivity into existence.

If I posed the question, “Why is your FP your FP,” or, “Why is your FP special” we would say similar things about their qualities and our relationship like, she really gets me. I can always talk to him. I can be myself. I’m wondering why my FP is my FP at all? Why did I have to chose him?? Of course I love him dearly. We are not afraid to expose ourselves to one another fully and completely. I just so naturally accept and forgive him, and the way he communicates with me just makes sense to me while I dismiss everyone else’s feedback and advice or take offense. I’ve only had eyes for him for years, but he’s been having an emotional and mental downward spiral since about the time we met, and now it’s really hard to interact with him without things getting volatile. I understand it’s a combination of his circumstances and reaction to them, and I still love him forever, but I also know we can’t be in a relationship. He is very unhealthy right now, and I know he’ll get through it, but it’s been a 6 year decline and will takes years to fully recover. Then there’s this other man who loves and accepts me completely and wants to be in my life. I didn’t mean to start dating him, but I’ve let him into my life and he shows up every day wanting to do everything he can to love and support me. I know that he’s so good for me. The first few weeks were great, but as soon as I’m faced with the reality that dating him means I’ll lose my FP forever I start splitting. I find attributes in this wonderful man to hate. I’ve been doing this in relationships for years. I flip flop my thinking. I always think my FP and I have something really special, that he’s worth waiting for while focusing on myself. Then I think the idea that being attracted to him in the first place is just an unhealthy defense mechanism to keep me from accepting a healthy relationship and stuck in a cycle of tragedy. I love that I’m blind to his negative attributes. He teaches me compassion and patience that really help in my other relationships with family and friends. Im starting to recognize more ways that he can be bad for me though. I’ve only had a few FP’s in my life, and everyone else just seems blah. It’s almost like I didn’t chose them at all, they just happened to me. Why do you think you chose your FP as your FP instead of all the other people in the world? Has anyone successfully just decided to just chose someone else?

We have been talking a week. He says he can't see until next week so I'm currently waiting for our date. He seemed like he wanted to get off the phone when I called him and has stopped sending me cute emojis or flirting. I tried asking if his still into me 3 times and all 3 times his avoided the question and talked about something off topic. He said his going to bed but it's 5:30pm and he told me he can't sleep much previously so I'm not sure why if it's a lie so he doesn't have to talk to me? I don't know if it's my bpd or he really just doesn't like me anymore?

I saw my therapist last Wednesday and he wants me to be hospitalised. I told my mother about it and I told her I was really struggling at the moment. She said she didn’t want me to go to the hospital because I’m a student and can’t take a break. She says I have to her my degree next year and she didn’t listen to my pain. I’m so upset

I'm going to be completely and painfully honest. Even as an adult one of the things I hate doing is letting new people in my life. I hate hearing "you're not a burden," "why are you so stubborn," "why don't you talk to me," and "you know you can come to me when you're upset.." I know that you will waste my time for a few months while I am on my best behavior and when I break, you will decide I'm "too much," "too dramatic," or you "don't know what I want from you." I don't have many true friends and the ones that I do either barely know me or I'm certain that if they do know how screwed up I am they are sick of me. I actually hate telling people things about myself that are sensitive because even though it feels better for those people to understand why I am the way that I am, I know that I will push them away once they know these things. I also hate being pitied but also hate being ridiculed. I hate feeling like people only stick around because they feel sorry for me. So I wish people would understand, I love everyone dearly, even those I should hate by now, but while solitary loneliness is terrible, being lonely in a crowd of people is much worse. If you can understand what it's like to be chronically insecure, feel worthless, and unimportant or unloved, even though those around you say otherwise, then I hope this helps you feel less alone. Being afraid of the world and knowing you'll be abandoned and let down countless times is not something some of us can really control. Being overly emotional at times, and at times feeling absolutely nothing but cold, takes a toll. Take a breath and take care of yourself because heaven knows only you can truly know how deep the frustration runs. Embrace those who unfailingly care, and not just when it's convenient for them.

“If you are experiencing increase in sadness or anxiety along with an urge to dramatically change something about your life - some of the markers of this pandemic flux syndrome - BE ASSURED YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Many people are feeling tensions. Although human beings are more resilient than we generally appreciate, it will take time for many of us to stably recover, to reflect and recalibrate.” Quote from: Dr. Amy Cuddy and Jillellyn Riley

Hey all, For context I’m 17F and doing my final year of high school. I’m fairly academic and I’m predicted to have a pretty high GPA (6.0) or as we say in Australia, a 98 atar. My main priority for this final 10 weeks before exams is to get the best grades I can to help me get into law school, and just put my all in for the next little stretch. However, like any teenage girl, the question of boys plays on my mind fairly frequent, especially given the fact that I go to an all girls school. I’ve had my first kiss, in fact I’ve kissed a few guys but am yet to lose it yet, but have done other stuff beyond kissing with guys (or so I think, alcohol can work wonders). It’s also worth noting that whilst my mental health is on the up, I’ve been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks for the past two years, which I can sometimes relapse in. Besides the point, I’ve been talking to this guy on and off from our brother school for the past 4 or so months. We haven’t actually met yet, but have made plans which I have often pulled out of due to fear of making a dumb decision. However, we’ve both been pretty clear that we just want to be friends with benefits. I have a free house this weekend and am thinking about inviting him over… I don’t think I’d catch feelings for him seeing that on paper he’s not my type, but has a good body I can admit. I’ve asked some of my friends about this and they’ve said that I should meet him and see how things go, but of course my friends were always going to hype me up no matter the instance. My economics teacher (who is really young and more like a friend to us girls) says that I shouldn’t be friends with benefits in year 12, but a one off hookup wouldn’t hurt. Mind you, she did say this about a different guy who was my best friend at the time (we’ve since had a falling out lol). I guess my question is what should I do? Do I take the plunge and just fool around, or just wait for a few more months till exams are done?

My partner simply does not get jealous. Used to drive me up the wall (because why don’t you care about losing me?? Lol) but I’ve come to understand and accept that’s just how she works and she just has a secure attachment style (very unlike me). Wondering if anyone here can relate

I have three extremely strong oxys and a few xans in my bag. Don’t want to take them and not die that’s embarrassing pls help

I am not diagnosed bipolar however I had my first serious manic episode this summer and am being evaluated for ADHD and Bipolar next year. I've found that I don't really experience emotions like other people and have a general inability to connect with other people. I am not a bad person by any means, I can figure out perspectives very well and know very well how to be gentle socially. It's just that there's this inability to care for other people or even close family. I mean I care but it's more of a principle if it makes sense? Is this something common among people with bipolar? I've had periods where this is not the case but it feels like my baseline is awfully dull and detached.

I love my wife to death, and we just had a crazy past couple of days. I highly suspect that she has untreated BPD. So, the other day she got upset at me over something very minor, and did what she usually does, which is physically leave and block all forms of communication. She spent two nights in a hotel and barely talked to me. Yesterday I reached out to her by email telling her I loved her, cared about her, when she was ready she could talk to me, and that I wasn't going anywhere. She has other mental health issues and is on medication for them. After a little bit of arguing about whether I cared about her, she unblocked me on messenger and told me to talk. We actually talked and were having good conversation about her, her emotions, feelings etc. Then I said something she didn't like and she started seeing me as the evil person. I told her that I would talk to her later when was ready, and then stopped answering. A little while later I sent her a message to just reassure her that I loved her and cared about her. Her response was that she was in the ER in extreme pain, I rushed right there. When I got there she looked awful, and I could tell she was scared, she reached out for my hand and I held it. Her mom and daughter got there, and only one person could be in the room, so I asked if she wanted one of them to come back. She told me no, she wanted me to stay until they find out what's wrong. I ended up staying with her throughout all of it. Even though she was in a lot of pain, she was on pain meds, she was pretty happy with me, we talked, laughed, discussed future plans, etc. After a couple hours they find out its her galbladder, and it needs removed immediately. They didn't do surgery where we were at, so they had to find a place we could transfer to. They finally found a place and allowed us to drive ourselves there. So we drove there and had to go through admission and wait. She continued being happy with me, and pretty lovey. After an hour or so, she finally got taken to surgery, I got sent to her room where she would be taken after and I waited for her. It was about midnight by the time she got back into the room. I stayed up until almost 3 with her making sure everything was okay and seeing if she needed anything, she finally fell asleep, and then I went to sleep. So the hospital we were at is known for not being the best and it showed. She ended up self discharging because it was a minor surgery, we don't have insurance and the doctors still had not come by to look. So since she self discharged we had to go back to the original hospital so she could get it checked out and get her meds. Since I only slept about 3 hours, she told me to stay home and get some rest, and she would have her mom take her. I took a nap and when I woke up I was messaging her to see how she was doing. She seemed irritated at me. I asked her if anyone was there with her and she said no, I was about to ask if I could come be with her, and she said she was getting discharged, so I went to pick her up. I had previously messaged her and asked her if she was okay other than being in pain, she asked what I meant so I asked if she was sad, angry,etc. She responded with "yes", so I asked "are you sadd?" which she replied "yeah" So I asked her what was making her feel sad, which she responded "everything". I then told her she could be more specific. Her response was just "why?" followed by, "I'm in the ER, why would you think that's appropriate right now?" So at this point i'm completely thrown off because I was just trying to ask if she was okay. So I dropped it and went and picked her up. She got in the car and I could tell she was angry with me, I drove to walmart for her meds and before we got out I just simply ask her what was wrong. This set her off, she freaked out at me, got out of the car and ran off into walmart. I followed her because she literally just had surgery and was still on drugs from the hospital. I was following her asking her to please calm down and relax. She just kept telling me it's basically my fault for her being angry and i'm just making her worse. So she went to the bathroom, and I went back to the car to wait. Next thing I know the door to the car flies open and she is ripping her suitcase out and running off with it. I followed her begging her to calm down and set the suitcase down, she just had surgery and I was worried she was going to hurt herself. I kept asking her to just sit down outside walmart and try to calm down. She just kept calling me the biggest piece of shit, that this is all my fault and i'm so awful. She had called her mom and told her god knows what, her mom flew up and I was trying to tell her mom that she had not taken her medication last night and she also needed her meds from walmart, but her mom was just acting like I didn't exist, then they flew out of there like I was some maniac or something who just threatened them with a gun. Her mom lives across the street, so when I got home I tried to go tell her mom what really happened and that she didn't take her medication and needed to get her pain meds and antibiotics from walmart. Next thing I know shes on the phone wil 911 and then the police arrive. I of course had to tell the police what really happened and that she also missed her medication last night. They ended up having EMS come, which i'm glad they did. I have never in my life seen her act this erratic over something so small.

I got an email today that my provider needs to hook me up with a new shrink. This is very good because I was going to fire the one I had next week. She was so very bad at her job. So I have a phone number for a person not a phone tree. I called, but had to leave a message.

I think it's going to be really bad. I can feel it. I don't want to go through another bad depressive episode. just feel empty. and sad. I feel entirely alone. I know nobody cares about me. half the time I wonder why I bother fighting. nothing I do or says matters anyway

My bf and I (39m and 31f) have been dating for almost a year. He moved me out to live with him last summer, states away, and I was awe struck by him. He said he had gone to therapy to deal with bpd because his ex of 3+years had it and it hurt him bad. My bpd manifests in my emotions, I'm not very external physically with it. I keep it all inside until I can't anymore and I buckle. I cry, I state my case, and I lock it back up. My bf has been very good to me, and I have really fallen in love with him, but the caveat is... He doesn't love me as much as he loves money or music. He just planned a trip to Brooklyn to see his favorite dj-- mind you, this was supposed to be a surprise trip for the two of us, but it's on my son's bday so I will not be going. He told me he was going by himself and would be back the next day, but then I find out from his calendar that he'll be gone until Monday. When I asked about it, he told me that he and his friend were going and meeting up with their friends so he decided to stay. He never thought to tell me, said he didn't think to. Also, he planned a trip to Canada to go fishing with his mom, never told me. I am not included in his planning, I never know what's next and it creates me always being on high alert. When I sat down to talk to him about it, he told me that he was hurt by my remark 'you're almost 40' in reference to going to the shows, and I regret saying that. However, he also said that he's going to be that 65 year old guy at the show and I'm not sure how I feel about that. The worst part is, he told me that he's having a hard time with the family aspect to our relationship. I have my son part time and he is very absent and separated from my son. I try to include both of them together in hopes of him taking the initiative, to no avail. He said he doesn't want to break up, and I don't think I can help him to see the value he would bring to a relationship with my son. I can't put up with being third in line to money and music. I'm too old for that. If we split, he expects me to stay here and help him financially, and I told him that there is no way in any reality that that would happen. I'm not living with my ex, paying him rent. I have to say, I deeply care for him. When he's around, he's caring and provides. We work opposing schedules and we barely see each other which makes it more difficult. On days we get to spend together, he makes his appointments and goes and sees his family and that stings. It is on one of his two days off, which I get, but I don't find out about them until it happens and I get really upset. The emotional aspect of our relationship isn't fulfilling my needs, and even after having a conversation with him about it, he isn't sure what to do. He hates confrontation, and I get really emotional quick which I'm working on. He holds everything inside and deals with it alone, and I let everything out and want support. I need to know if I'm blowing this out of proportion. If I'm over reacting.

I plan to kill myself when I'm around 18 or when I just rlly can't take anything anymore. Just a while ago, my mom came into my room and we talked about stuff and she asked if i felt depressed. I just smiled and said "no, why would I?". She said that she and my dad are worried about me because it seems I am unmotivated all the time. My brother has autism, so they depend on me to make money in the future. I feel really guilty and I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to end it all, but at the same time, I can't die knowing my family worked hard for me and my future and I just end up throwing it all away. I really love my brother and I want to help in the future, but I just can't anymore.

I am really spiralling right now. I am letting down family, my girlfriend. I don’t know where to turn anymore, I don’t like talking to my family because I feel guilty for making them worry. My girlfriend just thinks I’m stuck in pity and I don’t blame her, I don’t expect her to put up with this. I just want to know if anyone has any advice or a similar story where you have come out the other end. I can’t see it yet but I’m too stubborn not to try everything possible. I’ve tried AD’s but they only seem to help for periods.

And that's really scary for me. When I dissociate I tend to be really destructive. The last time I had an episode, I drank a lot and broke up with probably the only person I ever cared about, before just completely blanking for about three days. I'm not really good at managing yet. Anyways, does anyone have any coping techniques or ways to help hold on to reality?

I was speaking figuratively in my title , obviously.. I just can’t escape my anxiety. I wake up feeling anxious. Sometimes, I wake up sweating from a nightmare or just exhausted bc my mind was racing all night. Depending on how bad my anxiety is, I won’t sleep. I’ve lost 10 lbs & ran on 20 hours of sleep within a week before. Mentally I’m tired but I cannot rest. Before I leave my house, I usually leave extra early bc I don’t want to be late. At school or work, I’m constantly spacing out or playing w something to distract myself (a paperclip, tapping my feet, playing w my hair, obsessively cleaning my desk). I’m in such a rush to get everything done so I can go home. Once I get home, I just lay in bed. I obsessively over think. I worry. It’s always bad thoughts. Some days I shower 3 times just to feel some warmth or relief. I’m always on my phone. I guess it’s to distract myself. My screen time the other day was 11 hours.. 11 fucking hours. I look at people’s social media pages that I don’t like. It’s weird. I either over clean my apartment or don’t clean at all. I never have an appetite & I always have a headache. I just always feel sick to my stomach. I’m always nervous & scared. Everyone around me notices it. They get annoyed of me. I’ve had people say my house has a “bad vibe”. I cry multiple times a day. I never have energy. All of my energy is used just to exist throughout my day. I just get so overwhelmed. Idk.. I just needed to vent. My thoughts are all over the place rn. I just want to feel normal.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm just curious. I'm a BPD male, but whenever I look up a video on YouTube addressing BPD, they end up targeting females more than males. Is there a reason why?

Im unmotivated I just wanna die not suicidal I just wanna die it’s confusing to say I already know im not gonna do anything in life i even stopped doing my online school work.

I do on my ambitious and sensitive character mishappening with my mother's over protection and father's violent character and his "never good enough" attitude.

I just had the most horrific nightmare. it’s been 2 weeks since my car accident, and I’ve had stress dreams about the accident but this was more. it was awful. I woke up in a full blown panic attack. I was only asleep for an hour

When I message someone, mostly friends, I often worry about offending them or saying something weird, this is probably common. But it's so much worse with online friends because the only connection you have can be stopped forever with a click, and I'm terrified of this, often when I send a message I have thoughts like "it's done" "I ruined everything" etc, It sucks because it's someone I like talking to but this fear just makes it so stressful, It's not even logical because this person has said positive stuff about me a lot but I can't get rid of the fear that they will stop talking to me forever

Im not diagnosed but i heavily relate to people with BPD and have many traits of it too. So anyway, about a month ago one of my friends (we'll call her X) said her and my other friend (Y) were talking over the weekend and came to the conclusion that I have bpd. Since then X has been treating me almost the opposite of how she used to. She always tells me someone else has replaced me as her favourite, im annoying, im stupid, the friends i associate with dont like me, im super clingy and it's annoying, telling me to branch out but is pissed because i branched out to people they don't like, being overly friendly with Y, both ignoring me in front of other people, constant lying, hitting me, the list goes on and on. I've told them it upsets me. They said it's 'not their problem'. They've NEVER been like this with me at all. Usually the only things they do that triggers me are subtle and unintentional, but ever since telling me they think I have bpd it's changed. It's gone from being in hysterics over small things to being in hysterics for valid reasons. I don't get it. Are they trying to 'test' me? Using it as their chance to abandon me? I don't know. It's annoying and I'm sick of them reeling me in by doing such small things (it doesn't take much for people i like to win me back over) just to crush it as soon as it seems good.

Idk why I'm even here, I don't feel like anything will help right now. I've been diagnosed with bpd for years and I def agree it's accurate. My bf/fp of 14 years just broke up with me and started moving out because he couldn't take my shit anymore (I admit it's been a lot and idk how he hung in this long) and now I just want to disappear, die, scream, cry, cut myself, destroy everything...why can't I be anything but a selfish, angry fuckup? Wtf is wrong with me? Why can't I just be a good person? Why do I ruin everything good I ever have in my life? I'm in recovery for 5 years but all I want to do is get high. I can't take it all right now, I can't handle this. It's too much and I can't even imagine living my life without him, I have no friends or family just a shitty job where everyone thinks I'm crazy. I have no money, no car, nothing except him and now he's gone. I'm losing what little bit of sanity I've acquired thru sobriety and I just want to die but I couldn't even kill myself right when I tried

Hi to all redditor,my psychiatrist just prescribed me fluvoxamine 50mg to take at night time,yesterday it’s my first dose at 1am,woke up at 5am and having panic attack,chill,afterwards can’t sleep soundly and very uncomfortable,it’s worst for me after starting to take the medication,can I stop taking it ?

and I’m super in my head about it now and I’m panicking. I’ve been wanting the vaccine for months but wasn’t eligible in my state. I’m volunteering at a vaccine site in my state, so they’ll give it to me there after the shift according to the website. Now I’m scared because I have a blood clotting disorder and I’m at risk for blood clots. Does anyone have a clotting disorder and have any advice? I’m getting Pfizer btw. And I have Factor V Leiden disorder. Also, I should mention, I’m nervous because FVL is hereditary and my grandma recently got the vaccine and a few days later had a deep vein thrombosis. Probably coincidence, but she’d never had a clot before in her life and now she has one and blood clots are my biggest fear. Ahhh

i've been in recovery for the past four years and i know i always feel better when i try harder to kick my depressive habits (make myself eat better, sleep/wake up earlier, do schoolwork on time, etc) but god its so exhausting to try hard when it takes up so much energy to even attempt to try in the first place. i hate trying so hard and feeling like my mental health is improving and i'm getting better just to slip back into depression a week later because i'm so tired. i hate telling people that i'm doing better just to have to take it back the next day. i know recovery isn't linear and that it's up and down and up and down but that doesn't make me any less burnt out from trying to help myself. just the thought of this being the rest of my life is unbearably exhausting - sometimes i just wanna give up and let myself be depressed

Life is not the best for me,but I wish atleast to have someone who love me and I really want affection,I just can’t explain my pain

I don’t blame him at all. I am trying so hard to control my outbursts and I thought I was doing a good job but I freaked out and then tried to pull back and control it and he said I was scaring him. I’m gonna call my psychiatrist on Monday and up my dose of my mood stabilizers, when I see him tomorrow to exchange stuff I want to ask him to take me back and promise to work harder on being more stable but I don’t know if that’s a good idea

Hi everyone! I've been using Efexor for about a year now. I always have a hard time swallowing pills, but I've managed Efexor so far without a miss. However, last night (I take Efexor at like 11.30 pm every night) no matter what I did I couldn't swallow it and I was on the verge of throwing up, so I had to take it out. Now, 15 hours passed and I don't feel anything, but I always hear or read that people get brain zaps after even 1 2 hours of missing a dose of Efexor. Should I be concerned that I am fine lol? And should I: a. Try to take the missing dose now (it's 2.30 pm) and the next dose tomorrow at 2.30 pm? (thus setting a new time) b. Try to take the missing dose now and the other one at like 11.30 pm tonight? c. Not take the pill now amd wait for the night to take it? I will be waiting for your replies, thank you! P.s: This is not a capsule form but a tablet one, that releases by time. So I don't know when I was trying to swallow it and it was in my mouth (for like 20 minutes) if any of it was absorbed. Also, I am starting to feel very anxious and got heart palpitations, but I think it's because of this situation making me anxious; dunno if it's a side effect ( I take Efexor for anxiety btw)

I'm so pity that I'm currently thinking of ways to retaliate because for some reason I take this to be an attack against me. I won't let this slide

I made the mistake of going off my meds for a month and I feel severely depressed. The helplessness and despair is just absolutely overwhelming and I am feeling like I can’t hold on. I went back on my meds so hopefully they help. Any techniques to trick myself out of this depressive mood in the short-term?

Doctor prescribed any good or bad experiences?

I think dorm is the right word. I moved in to this dorm area about a year ago and I've started to feel an urge to socialize and interact with people, I just don't know how. I often see large-ish groups of people hanging out by the bar or the campfire but I don't know how to say hello and ask if I can hang out with them, without intruding and seeming weird. Does anyone have any tips?

I couldn’t really find any useful information online but my father recently told me that he had been seeing shadow people since his assault (nearly killed by another man) and that they are not to harm him and he is not scared of them. This was quite profound to me because I too see shadow people sometimes and as scared as I am of the paranormal, I am not afraid of them. My father and I both suffer from anxiety, PTSD and depression and we both see non-malevolent shadow people so I am just wondering if there are others like us or people that see shadows but do not suffer from these mental illnesses? I’m really just curious about this and I want to know about other people’s experiences with it. Thank you

I don't understand why people are so annoying when they want to help you. Telling you arguments on arguments of why life is great and that suicude isn't worth it and that evrything will be better one day! You know what? Fucl you. This dosen't help at all this just show that we have two diferent opinions. You think life can be worth it? Very well live if you like i don't give a fuck but just leave me die alone. Why do they want me alive anyway ? It's not like i am very useful or that my existance is very important. Plus their arguments is just bullshit to have hope. I don't need or want hope, i prefet die and chose the easy way (even if we all know that this isn't easy but for some reason they say that) and in peace than work to live a life that i never asked for. Just wonder when i will have the conrage to do it...it's not for now it's sure.

I just want to ask someone honestly what's the point of living each day and feeling worse and dying inside with each second you live.I just hate to wake up every morning and my life has been like this since school.I thought college will change it but it made it worse.I do feel suicide is the best option and it should be made easier to be done for people like us who just suffer everyday because we don't have the guts to kill ourselves .People who have accomplished so much in life think it's the same for everyone and just say be positive be strong but it's just coz they will always get everything in life not even if everything they will get something and loose some .People like me who are ugly are dumb we don't get to live like them we just aspire for some basic human contact to have some mere respect from people .I do feel like we are fuckin beggars or even worse then them coz I just keep on hoping something atleast one good thing will happen in my life but nothing happens and everyone think it's about my perspective well it's not.I just look at everyone even the most depressed person has few friends who support him comfort him.I don't have anyone to cry my heart out and it's been like this for a long time.I have been begging god daily to allow me to die instead of making me happy coz I do feel living here one more second is not worth it.Life won't get better for some of us and it will remain the same or even worse by each passing seconds and trust me no one will help coz we are fuckin nobody's who don't have any personality or body to begin with.

I wear my AirPods almost constantly listening to music throughout my day. Most of the time I only wear one so I can hear when people talk to me and I keep the music quiet. When I take them out completely I get anxious (while in public I’m fine in private). This only happens when they’re out though I can have them in while not listening to anything and be fine. I just want to know if anyone else is like this or if it’s normal or whatever idk

My worst impulse is probably buying things I don't really need/can't afford. I buy more things for myself than anyone else I know but shopping just gives me that little bit of joy I need, when I don't have money to spend it makes me panic but what else can I do to fill that void? It's honestly like an addiction. Last month I spent more than usual because it was my birthday, my 21st and my first one without my family, so I treated myself to some nice things. I ended the month owing around £100 to my friend because I had a car accident and needed money for insurance/tax/etc and I couldn't afford it by the end of the month... I really hate being stuck in this cycle, knowing that I can easily spend £500 without even noticing makes me feel really bad. I've tried different techniques for controlling my money but when I get the urge to spend it's like that doesn't even matter as though I have an endless supply... I think it could get pretty dangerous if I never control it so idk, any tips??

i was finally happy and convinced my depression had gone away a few days ago, until i had moved homes. It felt like a big piece of my life was ripped away from me. i miss my old room. my depression has gotten worse since then. All that time i spent, working on improving, building a new me, trying to be happier, gone. Just because of change. I feel so uncomfortable right now I genuinely am thinking of killing myself because there is no way things are going to get better. I feel like such a narcissistic coward for being mad/sad that we moved. I can't handle it anymore. Has anyone else ever experienced change that made their depression worse or is that just me?

To everyone who doesn’t have this we are a big fucking joke to them. I was talking to this girl I was hitting things off with good and I decided to be open and tell her I have issues like a fucking idiot and she blocked me as soon as I did. Not the first to do that either. Are we not allowed to interact with “normal people” I am done I will forever pretend to be happy and when we have relationship issues that come with bpd they will never know why cause we’re just a big fucking joke to everyone right

If you repeatedly have suicidal thoughts violent thoughts or just straight up weird thoughts and then afterwards feel guilty because these thoughts are totally not in line with your personality you might have OCD. Yesterday I finally decided to address this for myself and spent hours researching drugs. On drugs.com there are about 20 OCD drugs and I didn’t wanna wait four weeks for one to work so I chose Seroquel. I took it last night 50 mg it worked like a charm. Every four days I will be increasing my dose 50 mg until I reach 400 mg. I am super optimistic about this. I encourage you To talk to your doctor if you experience strange reoccurring or harmful thoughts because after all it may be OCD.

Hi.....,its kind of important ,😰 Well,the time as come,so i guess,I’ll tell my lil story!here ,i am a 15 years old non binary amd bisexual human,my biological parent abandoned me,whenni was 3 month,i got out in a new family after that.and my teenager years got just worse,i got in two toxic relationship,where all of the two person I dated used me,my family is not normal,its just,i dont feel like i am Home,at my house,i feel like i am not welcome,that everything i do is wrong even tough i try my best,my grade are actually low,like very low,my parent are always talking about that and telling that i will be homeless,that if i continue like that i will be a shame etc...but the thing is that,i try my best,dealing whit su*cidal tough,d*pression,s*lf h*rming,and r*pe,trauma,physical agr*ssion,but,i never felt able to tell them that its was the main reason why i had low grade,i tried to talk about it but each time,they we’re too « busy »or they didn’t have time to talk whit me,my « friend » always tell me that i am a artist(i do drawing and montage,plus poem and song)i just,dont feel like that what i do is good,well,i will stop complaining and here everything that happen:so i got into d*pression at 12,i tryed to k*ll myself over 17 time,i got r*ped over 127 time,(yes i do have count every single time)i got beated,punched,bullyed,cause of my sexual orientation,my identity,i got judge cause i dared to talk about it.i am now 15 and not that much time ago,i realize ,that i had more than i tough,for me its too late(i doont know why but i have that feeling that in no specific time i could K*ll Myself)but,let me tell you,kid/teenager/adult,if you ever tough that you had nothing,your wrong,you actually have the world.💙the world belongs to you,to me ,to everyone who needs a place,you might need something, sometime,or a person,cause we’re all here,on the same rock,thinking’s that we have nobody,nothing when in reality,we just need to look up,to see a milion of light who want us to stay.we only need to look in the eyes,to see what you want to see(hope)never give up,the world is waiting for you,so go,stay,run,scream,cry,its ok,but show to the world how strong you are,how beautiful your are,or interesting and intelligent you are.never let someone stop you❤️its was too late for me,but,i hope its wasn’t for you❤️💙(made by XkalamiX((even tough its my suicide letter some insensitive people will use this so,i didn’t want my story to be stolen))

Me and the guy I am dating both have BPD. Mine only recently diagnosed. So previously it caused a strain because I 1. Didn’t k ow how to cope and 2. He didn’t know how to cope with me. A week ago he broke it off. Now he has asked us to try again once the UK covid lockdown has lifted some more because it was having a strain on our relationship. I had learnt to do ok without him. After a chat, I decided we would try again in a months time. But I warned him how scared I’m going to be. And asked that neither of us talk to anyone else during this “month break”. I’m finding it weird. I’ve never done a break before or agreed to take someone back. I’m not sure what this all means. And I am scared. And confused. I almost want to talk to him right now but I guess being on a break means we don’t talk? It’s so strange. I almost want to just be straight up single and not have the confusion. But I also don’t feel like me and this guy are done knowing each other yet. I’m a spiritual person and it just feels like we have more to give each other. But I feel like the next month might be hard. Or just weird. I dunno. Just needed to vent. Guys are weird. Relationships are weird. Dating is weird. Hahaha 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

Burnt out. Irritable. Annoyed. Frustrated. I almost can't stand whoever I'm with in that moment. I've lost friendships due to being "such a flake" and breaking promises (I do feel awful about that). I ghost people any time I feel we're getting close. I take days, weeks and sometimes months to respond...the longer I wait, the more anxious I get and never end up responding. Anytime I'm hanging out with a friend, I can't help but think how much fun I'd be having had I came here alone (I feel an incredible amount of guilt when I have these thoughts). I feel like I've only ever met one person in my lifetime that I genuinely enjoyed spending time with and hearing from. And that was the only time I've ever been clingy in my life. I can't imagine a life where I'd have to share my home with somebody, wake up next to someone, constantly have to stay in touch and explain my whereabouts/what I'm up to etc. Seems almost suffocating to me.

OK I’ve been kind of dealing with severe social anxiety all my life. Barely & not very well a lot of times. Borderline agoraphobic but I have to leave my house to go to work (I can’t find a work-from-home job). I don’t leave the house aside from work - it’s literally the only place on Earth I feel comfortable. Anyway I share a house and against all my protesting or suggestions for other things there’s a party planned at the house. Quite a few people apparently. I can’t leave for the night as I don’t really have anywhere else to go to. I’ve recently given up weed & alcohol so I can’t even blackout. How would you deal with it? Trying to avoid a full blown panic attack in the bathroom scenario here.

Pleased tell your story of treatment depression, Which method worked for you? Ancient india , new age chemical method(anti-depressants) Workout, clanging your environment. I'm struggling with depression and have no idea what should i do,I,m alone and hopeless

I’m going to buy rope and jump off of the overpass this week. That’s all.

Edit: Many years ago, I was forced to be in a relationship with a guy that I didn’t love. It was peer pressure from friends and just thinking that I couldn’t get better as he really did truly love me. After we started dating, I quickly realized that I was turned off by him. I didn’t know how to get out as I was a person pleaser. His hugs, kisses made me nauseous. He was not physically attractive and very fobby. When I told him I didn’t have feelings, he would say that he promises that he will make me fall in love with him. He was buying me gifts and I had to always smile and show him I’m happy. He was the sweetest guy in the world but he was too overly obsessed and that was a turn off. Calling me every hour, saying “I love you” many times and writing cheesy poems for me. It really became a forced relationship and I didn’t know how to leave as he would say he can’t live without me and cry… which was also a big turn off. It was too forced and I don’t know what emotion I feel inside in my chest. I feel like something squeezing, hurting, restlessness. I can’t give the emotions a word but I know I felt forced. Fast forward many years, I am happily married to someone else. But I do need therapy sometimes from such a forced relationship which made me feel trapped for so long. I am having issues with my marriage sometimes and with my mother. Basically, anyone that shows me too much affection, gets too clingy or is like my mother who is finding excuses to always meet me and calling me everyday, I want to run away and need space or I can stay calm and keep crying for days. Right now, I don’t wanna meet my mom. She’s the sweetest mother alive who knows how much I’ve suffered but she needs to understand that I can’t take it. I retain memories from that past relationship and see those patterns in current relationships. I feel like a piece of shit that I hate my mother right now but I actually hate that guy. I don’t know how to even tell her this because I don’t want to hurt her… like asking her for space and how she reminds me of that guy. Idk what to say, just venting and waiting for my therapy session. I thought I got better but people keep triggering me.

>be me >meet cute guy on Grindr >3 days in and he already knows about 3 mental illnesses, 4 separate traumas and my weirdest kinks. I swear the minute I feel I ‘click’ with someone and become somewhat attached to them, I can’t help but tell them EVERYTHING about my personal life. Even stuff you should really keep to yourself for a while. If anyone shows the slightest bit of interest in me, I completely over-share and then feel embarrassed as fuck, especially if they don’t respond exactly how I imagined they would in my head. I wish I had more self restraint but idk how to explain it, when I feel I can trust someone like that or it’ll get them to feel more affection for me, I just spill my guts and make things weird. I hate it

I’m unmedicated, still have my manic and depressive episodes but I go from being aggressively suicidal to feeling absolutely euphoric and amazing within a span of a just a few hours. This mainly happens during depressive episodes. Am I the only one?

Right now I’m pretty happy. My life is going well, and my friends and rehearsal (for my school’s play) is going really well, however- I still am super close to cutting. I haven’t since FEBRUARY, and trust me, it’s been a struggle, however, even though these past few days I’ve been very happy and even content- I’m still feeling really strong urges to cut that I haven’t felt in a while? I’m so confused...

I was sure we were in love and that my friend of a lifetime understood the parts of me that nobody else could, and made the mistake of telling him this. He didn't feel the same way. Heartbroken, I started to shut him out whilst silently embodying my delusion of idealized, requited love. To make things worse, we're still in regular contact, despite my increasingly childish behaviour. My unpredictable splitting on him is merged with and fuelled by my own self hatred, and any (i.e. every) interaction with him that doesn't end up in a loving, passionate embrace tips me further and further over the edge. I know I have to stop this, but the only alternative I can tolerate is suicide. Ridiculous, I know. Why am I so fucked up.

I have hated myself so much for so long that it has left me burnt out and hopeless. There's no reason to get better when you hate yourself so much. There's no inspiration to work for a future when you don't care what happens to you anymore. The hatred I feel for myself is inescapable and constant, and I can't see anything ever helping it. The skills I learn in DBT help with a lot of my symptoms, but they can't even *reach* the black core of pure self-hatred that I have inside me, let alone help it. I am genuinely starting to think that I am never going to get better.

I suffer from depression, anxiety and bpd recently I’ve been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately and the only person that makes me feel better in any way no matter what is my best friend, i had been staying with her for a few days and then she told me I couldn’t stay there as it was too much for her to handle which I completely understand but it shook me a bit as she knows that being with her is the only way I’m going to get better because she’s all I want We had a big fight about it and she told me she was relieved and happy when I couldn’t come over to stay which was extremely hurtful to me knowing that the one person that makes me feel happy and safe from harm was happy I couldn’t be with her I have reached out for support from emergency services, and specialist services nothing that will be able to help me for the next few weeks, but am I a bad friend for only wanting to be with my friend who is my FP and the fact that she isn’t willing to give me what I need to get out of this intense emotional stressful time, for me to be out of it in a week or so I had only been staying with her for 3 days and I had already felt a good impact on how I was feeling and she makes me feel like im this big bad bitch for wanting her And I’m not asking her to put how she’s feeling (and I know it’s not fair you don’t need to tell me that it is) put me above her for the rest of her life I’m asking for this one week that is extremely frustrating and extremely hurtful for me to feel like I have absolutely no one when I’ve put her above and beyond how I’m feeling no matter what because I know I can deal with it when she’s feeling better

Hello, just statyed Caplyta for my bipolar 2 depression. Is anyone else using this med? Curious to know of any side effects experienced and also efficacy if any?

I just can’t, I’m so tired of being negative and even my friends are pointing it out, but I feel like people are idiots and idiots are everywhere.People don’t seem to think at all. - In traffic when they’re constantly switching lanes and we’ll still end up next to one another waiting for the traffic light to turn green. - at the mall, when 3-4 people just walk straight toward people, next to one another and won’t scoot over seeing damn well that there’s no room left for other people. - recently went to the movies and the cinema was practically empty, but then you get these three annoying teenage girls running to the toilet every 20 minutes, bumping into your seat, loudly talking to one another, basically annoying the rest of the 5 people there. - the prices are going up, but it’s not like our wages are getting any better? And then we’re expected to handle it and just keep living? -you apply for a job and they have the most unrealistic expectations with a ridiculous wage, meanwhile acting like you’re under qualified cause you don’t have a bachelors or sth.. they’re not even paying a median salary ffs like it’s legit minimum wage and you’re expecting me to have a bachelors? I’m so done, I’m just exhausted. My therapist keeps telling me the same thing and it’s like she’s telling me what I wanna hear, like, “that’s not gonna help Judy”. FUCK

Title is pretty self-explanatory. If you have questions about the sub, the rules, making a post, bans, etc. do NOT message/chat us individually/privately. ONLY use mod mail to communicate these things. Why? 1) Mod mail ensures everyone on the mod team is on the same page regarding any and every inquiry. 2) We are people, too, and do this on a volunteer basis. We do not always want to open up Reddit and be bombarded with things about r/BPD. It’s a heavy subreddit to moderate and sometimes we just want to scroll Reddit and look at lighthearted posts without thinking about the sub or intervening with things.

Hi! I want to make new friends, who can really understand what im going through. Rn i have 0 friends, no one to talk, and I think that could sink me to the hole I was. I have my gf and I love her so much! But everyone needs friends, secrets, company. Be free to talk, I can help too 😊

(tw: suicide) I wish there was some way to make suicide easier. I wish I could die peacefully surrounded by my loved ones. I’m too scared to die alone. If I weren’t I’d have probably done it by now. I’m losing my mind. I’m so lonely, anxious, depressed I feel crushed everyday by my own worthlessness, despair. Every day feels agonising and I want to just be unconscious but then I can’t sleep. And sleeping badly only makes my depression and anxiety worse :( I just want to go peacefully

I feel so detached and hopeless. I have no sense of self and I hate every version of myself I’ve tried to be. I am so withdrawn. I don’t even talk to my siblings. I’m a junior in college and I’ve only made one friend and I just have to watch everyone around me have fun and be social. I know everybody has their own problems that I don’t see but I just don’t understand what’s so fundamentally wrong with me. I feel disturbed and I don’t trust myself. I feel like everything I think and feel is for attention. Even when I just keep it to myself most of the time. I just don’t trust myself. I’ve made so many mistakes and I’m aimless. I don’t understand how to cope with my emotions. I don’t understand how to express my emotions to people in my life. I’m so isolated and I am so ashamed of myself every second of the day. I want to die so bad it’s actually physically painful

Everything makes me sad. The person who is the reason why I should not kill myself is the reason why I'm already dying inside. I will never be the favorite of someone. I didn’t acheive anything in life, that's why I'm not important to anyone in my life. I'm already quitting. I am so tired please.

I am lost and confused about how to react to this situation. My Bpd girlfriend and i who have been together for 4 years (2 years dating, 2 years close friends) finds it nearly impossible to put an end to a friendship she developed and had sexual relationships with, during a 2 month end of relationship we had. To put in context, i was the one leaving her because i was unaware of the bpd she had and it was really hard for me to understand her. Thing that i am now aware of, and attending therapy to better understand her patterns. (She i starting therapy also) During our break, she would beg me to come back, call me daily and at times where i could not respond and even in the middle of the night. I had a bref relationship which i decided to put an end to because i was clearly not emotionally stable to get into something new. Fast forward a few weeks later, my ex and i start talking about coming back together, we are ready to workout all the small things to make the relationship work and ive never felt invested in our selves like this. Only problem is, the minute we decided to come back together, she started taking her friendship with a friend she had made during our break to a next level of investment. For 1 month, she played double side, telling me she needed time to find a way to end her new friendship in a good way. I tried giving her time to do so, but it started driving me insane and i started obsessing over this. She would tell me things like, you are the person i want to spend my life with, have kids so on and so on. I know that she loves me, and she would never want to see me walk away, but she won’t let go of this guy to prove that she is serious about us. She says she is unable to end relationship due to her fear of abandonment and its just too painful for her. She would want to stay friends with him, which i do not agree with. The guy has feelings for her. Fast forward once again, a couple other weeks past and she says she’s ready to be all mine and she’s ready to end all this nonesence. I give her the opportunity to go a solve this face to face with the guy and end this once and for all. Only problem is that since then, he blocked her on all social media because he was hurt when she told him she was comming back with me. But she keeps asking his friends to ask him to unblock him. He did it once , and they went out for souper without me knowing. Lies like this have happend over and over, my trust it detroyed but i love her and want to believe her when she says she want to be with me and im her top priority. I cant put up with this anymore, i ended up on anxiety medication for weeks due to the stress i was going thru. Every time i walk i try to walk away, she starts crying and doesnt want us to end. She wants me as her lover and want to keep the guy as her friend but she clames that she had emotions for him durinf our break. What should i do, my head tells me to run but my heart tells me to try and understand her patterns .

I have a question. I havent had the insurance to go back to the psychiatrist but do know that I had to option to take klonopin, celexa and lamotrigine together or Wellbutrin and lamotrigine together. Could I take Wellbutrin, celexa and lamictal all at the same time? The Wellbutrin gives me energy that’s why I say the combination of all 3 together. Just wondering if anyone has personal experiences of it.

I always feel as if though people close to me have ulterior motives in whatever they do. For example yesterday my boyfriend threw my razor out because it was rusty and for some reason I thought he only did it to annoy me. I said some really really nasty things to him (nothing like I’ve ever said before). I felt really bad after but it was only after I said all this really nasty stuff to him that I realised how stupid it is for me to think he’s throwing my razor out purely to annoy me. Does anyone else get like this? Have you found ways to deal with it as it’s happening (the thoughts that someone has ulterior motives)?

[deleted]

I started cutting my legs and fingers just to fell anything othet than anger and sadness.

Does anyone here struggle with Antisocial Personality Disorder? And if so, does anyone have any cooping mechanisms to help with anger, anxiety, etc,.?

I am a loner. And this is really because I chose to be...for the most part. Growing up I barely had friends and changed "best friends" every couple of years. And constantly told people "they weren't my friend" to watch them cry and then take it back with "just kidding" to see them smile again. Except the last year of my elementary life I hung out with the popular kids and I remember being overjoyed. Except it all went crashing down as I am a people pleased and this friendship ended with me talking a bunch of shit to become close with one of the girls who then backstabbed me. That moment was traumatic in my time. I then did mistakes in high scjool. Talk shit to relate and become friends with the popular kids. And it was me that went down. I then moved schools and became this quiet person and felt like shit. And the rest of highschool was a quiet depressing time and I did the same for University except pushed everyone that wanted to be my friend as I felt that it would all come to an end anyways. I am now 25. No friends. No life. Decent job. But depressed a f. I have had the same bf since elementary school but even with him he has bi polar and he experienced similar. He's cheated on me a couple of times , I've emotionally hurt him. We've broken up a couple of times. I'm just so lost. And im so afraid of going crazy and I've become socially awkard.

I gained 60 lbs since covid and my depression is making it harder for me to even find the will to lose weight. I turn to drinking but it just makes me feel worse the next day. My face is pretty but as a girl it’s so hard, I used to be so athletic and I’m not used to seeing myself this way. Me and my boyfriend barely have sex anymore and I feel like it’s due to my weight gain but he won’t ever admit and just blames the constant alcohol drinking we both do. Idk what to do or how to get out of this rut. It seems alcohol as well is consuming my life. I’m 27 and feel like a failure. I constantly look at myself in the mirror and criticize the way I look. My boyfriend rarely ever tells me I’m pretty as well, idk what to do anymore

Around a month ago a relationship with a girl I cared about a lot ended abruptly which left me feeling extremely empty and I ended using MDMA and psilocybin mushrooms back to back nights. I had an extremely horrible comedown that lasted a few days and it put me in a very dark and suicidal mindset. I managed to turn that around and the last few weeks have been great. I finally graduated high school after having to take an extra year, I worked with my buddies dad a little bit after not working for the past year and a half, I have no desire at all to do any sort of drugs, I've been able to resist from mindlessly spending money and I just feel genuinely happy. One thing I realized after my last relationship ended is how much stress being in a romantic relationship actually causes me. The last couple years when everything has gotten really bad the cause behind a lot of it has been relationship oriented. Due to that realization I decided that I would be a lot better off if I try to abstain from anything of that nature for a long time until I have recovered and developed myself to the point where I would be stable in a relationship. Even though it's only been a few weeks since I made that choice I can already tell how much of a difference it has made. It feels like a giant weight has been lifted up off my shoulders. The only thing that has really bothered me occurred last night even though I should have been excited that it happened. I was listening to music that I always put on when I get extremely depressed and in my feelings and to my surprise even when I tried to think of all the things that used to upset me, none of them could make me sad. I just looked at them for what they were and that was it. I guess I'm glad that I was able to do that but it just gave me sort of an uneasy feeling because I'm not used to that and it was really unexpected. I'm sorry that I'm ranting I just accidentally took a long nap this afternoon so I'm awake now when no one else is and I have nothing else to do😂 I hope everyone reading this makes the best out of today and is able to push through whatever obstacles they come into contact with❤

I don’t know how to word this and it’s probably just me shouting into the void. Right now, I am struggling a lot. I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type but depressive. I also struggle with PTSD, OCD, and Anorexia-P type nervosa. I am also a 22 year old woman, so having all of these issues is isolating. Needless to say, I’ve had a lot of people make me feel like a burden and completely unloveable due to my mental health issues. It’s made it hard to even want friends or anyone close. I am currently stable, on medications, and taking care of myself. I am trying to recover from my eating disorder. I just want to be a normal 20 something year old and make friends. I want to get over my insecurity caused by others. What’s helped you guys?