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i recently started a new job and i m finding it difficult to socialize with my some of my colleague i have no problem with one on one but i tend to struggle with social anxiety in group setting a a result i often avoid joining my group s table during lunch fairly small around people my biggest concern is that i m half everyone s age and they ve all known each other for year in addition these are group of people i wouldn t normally interact with in social setting when i joined the table at one point i felt awkward and out of place worrying about everything that came out of my mouth i also joined them during happy hour but felt bored out of my mind and didn t want to be there i have made work friend during my orientation but they all ended up working different shift so i rarely see them i ve been spending my lunch alone so far and a much a it s way le stressful i sometimes feel sad and lonely i am not the only one alone in the break room though i didn t expect to be that person although i don t particularly relate to my colleague what are some way to get closer to them side note i work alongside with them all day hr shift in a lab setting so it s not like i never interact with them i can t tell if wanting to spend break alone is rude antisocial or actually common

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throat is closing up and i had some string cheese not a good idea

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i am on week on prozac and experiencing no real change i took prozac before when my anxiety wa nowhere near a bad and so i don t really remember how long it took to make me feel better i just want to feel better

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robertzalme yes i do too much theory getting in not much solution coming out

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i can t sleep it s too windy and scary out

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i wa in such a good mood this morning now not so much anymore stupid work stupid cellphone provider

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because of ordinary shoe oloshi leleyi o depression co of ordinary nike sneaker if na lv or prada nko

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rootbeerfloats you hate billy now

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lately i ve been having panic attack everywhere i went out to get drink with my partner and ended up cry in the bathroom yesterday we were with his friend and i had to excuse myself to sit outside and collect myself the list go on there never seems to even be anything that set me off but once it happens i can barely speak without tearing up it s so exhausting i don t want to have to hide from people place forever

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my msn hate my gut i wanted to go out tonight

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my nap wa interrupted so many time today going out for japanese with the rent again

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been having some off and on anxiety tonite and this old school hippie gave me a roach kinda used joint in the weed community and i m like cool i take a hit and it tasted like as extinguished it and put it away breathing now i looked inside the joint paper and it wa like brown and i worried if the joint wa old moldy also smoked some okay weed i think i m okay i hope just anxious and like wtf

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i m so damn tired today actually i need to take a nap when i m at home but there s no time

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i don t know if it s that i ve been on antidepressant for year or that i repress my emotion and don t allow myself to process thing but i didn t even notice i went on my phone and started reading random bullshit

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feel like there s just too many problem to address at this point everyday i try to hold out in hope of something somehow getting better but it somehow feel like i m never at the bottom of the hill at this point i m only alive so that some people don t feel sad or guilty but honestly i m getting to a point where i don t really give a shit if i m dead i won t have to experience or see the pain that they will ultimately feel from the death so who give a shit

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i feel completely exhausted my life isn t going anywhere and i ve got nobody to turn to

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is at work xx

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lifee get worsee amp amp worsee

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i highly expect to get a lot of pushback on this one but hear me out for year i ve been in a horrible mental space with no hope of getting out the way i see it i never consented to being here i no longer desire to live on this planet and i m scared to do the deed myself a far a i m concerned either my mom or dad should be required to take me out since they re the one who brought me into this world fin

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omg house what did i ever do to you

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sorry i should say that this vid hit you hard please beware the last minute especially http www youtube com watch v eujsme0torw

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i have never been a good person i think being a bad person wa hard wired into me and i don t think i can separate myself from the bad i ve done unspeakable unforgivable thing that i can t atone for i m both a bully and a coward with so many issue that my therapist couldn t find a solution i ve written ton of letter so people can understand my exact thought process and why i need to do this it doesn t even make me sad anymore it just feel like something that need to happen

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cheechbud i think ur right hahaha hr now

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pre pandemic incidence of diagnosed depression wa about this increased to during lockdown likewise amp case of anxiety went from to http t co czlqb cxqe

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seriously help this ha been killing me i feel super down and unmotivated but i also feel fine a lot of time and happy and can laugh my high aren t super high but my low are pretty low but every time i feel happy i always feel like i m faking everything overexaggerating my symtoms and am just a bad person overall i m diagnosed ha this happened to anybody else what do i do

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i m a yo guy and i want to die i feel like a bad person i have like friend and i never hangout with them other than school i have a gf and i love her with all my heart but i know she could do better not to be cocky or anything but i m probably top smartest in my school of 00 i will probably go to a decent college and have a lot of life ahead of me i just feel tired with life though i think i might be mentally ill i ve fallen into this personality of being the crazy person of the group i hate silence because then i think about how much i hate myself i say or ask random stuff to end the silence that make me seem retarded i don t smoke or do drug and not on any medication but i wa thinking last night that the way i want to die is an overdose i work in fast food and some of the people i talk to at work are drug dealer and i think they would sell to me i ve thought it through and maybe i buy multiple non lethal quantity and then use them all at once i ve been more depressed than usual this last week i do football and wrestling and it s the off season right now so i should have gone to an off season wrestling practice my gf knew i wa doing this the only time i m really happy is when i m around her i needed to see her so i skipped practice to hangout with her she wa already with her girl friend and i didn t want to be a jerk and just come out and say i need to be with you tonight i think is the limit im always horny it s all i think about and my gf rarely want to have sex because she wa molested in her sleep twice by a family friend she still sometime see this last week i kinda learned if i keep asking her she will give in we were in my basement tonight and cuddling when i tried to finger her i did not force her i asked multiple time for consent she let me do it and gave me a handjob we both finished and i said do you want to go to the park where we usually have car sex she said yes so we went it wa still kinda light out so we went to target and walmart and walked around she showed me this lego set she wanted for herself i wa having a great time when we got in the car she said she didn t want to have sex anymore i wa extremely disappointed because she got my hope up i did not force her though she said she wa sick of me always talking about sex i replied saying it s the only thing i can ever think about she got mad and we sat in silence for a bit she asked to go home but i begged her to stay out for another hour until our curfew she agreed and went went to mcdonald s for sprite i apologized probably time about it saying i ll be better i know she could do better than me but i can t bring myself to break up with her she say she only want me but i want her to be happy with someone that would treat her better i ve decided to finally go to sleep and let her move on but the important part is her period is day late right now she might be pregnant neither of u believe in abortion if she is pregnant i plan on staying alive and supporting it if she s not i m going to buy her the 00 lego set she doesn t want me to buy for her i m gon na overdose after that i think i will write her a note saying sorry and it s not her fault one to the school and friend asking them to make joke about it and one to my 0 yo brother to say sorry and leave him everything i own xbox and 000 in my bank sorry this wa so long

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cant sleep she want to dream

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i m currently on 0mgs daily but i just couldn t do it anymore it s all just so hard i ve only just taken them so don t have any symptom yet i ve only taken the fluoxetine and nothing else is this enough to kill me i m slightly underweight do i need to go to a hospital or just tell someone i don t know what to do i live with my parent and i feel really bad but i still don t want to live anymore

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the internet is hating me night i s pose

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exmi hey doll sorry to hear bout ur doggie hope he come home soon would help u look if i weren t so far away

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wyldceltic so i read i m glad you re doing better

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got a speeding ticket

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i feel like i have always had anxiety ocd but it ha never really negatively effected my life like it doe now it feel like it is really getting in the way of my daily life being that i made it year without it having huge effect doe that mean that it can go away or will this just be my life now amp x 00b any thought that people have from experience

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i have been living my sadness for a year i lost my wife and i don t want to continue here i want to see her again i want to be with her i am trying to continue my life but i miss her so much

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natazzz hurt and sad

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i reaching help from stranger i really need someone be here for me i cant handle the pressure from depression i really want to suicide please help

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i am so tired of having depression i hate how hard it is to get up and do the most basic thing day out of the week i don t even eat dinner because i can t get out of bed i m tired of having to put in the extra effort to hide it at work and in front of my family i ve been single for a year and a half after a year and a half long relationship but my social anxiety ha gotten so bad i can t even put myself out there i m so lonely but too afraid to make an attempt i don t think i could ever actually kill myself but i think about how much easier it would be if i wasn t alive a lot more than i used to

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jaredleto i can t sleep i need to work on my speech about huka and youth i hope i get the 0 full mark

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natalie craigf 99 monicablee it is for u bloke love still this is not a post about his depression it is regarding his football ability maybe read the thread happy thursday to you keep smiling and most of all bekind mufc

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sonnyjoeflangan oh awesome shit i missed it

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it s official i m going to have an educational summer owh god bless me

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kisluvkis oh that is very sad poor boy

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for about a week now i ve been experiencing extreme anxiety and panic restlessness a need to move my leg etc it s been waking me up in the middle of the night or it hard for me to fall asleep bc the sensation is just so uncomfortable i also feel wired and like i have all of this insane amount of energy i have no pain and my heart beat honestly seems pretty normal maybe slightly elevated at time however i keep getting this weird uncomfy fluttering tingling sensation in the middle of my chest that will not go away it is so hard to describe a little bit of butterfly in my stomach a well a slight nausea i notice with some cbd i can calm down and feel alright but i don t know if anyone else experience this it almost feel like my body is actively fighting a panic attack for day on end i ve been to the dr like time in the past month and have had ton of blood work done and had low vitamin d and low iron but i ve been on supplement now and have been feeling better there wa no other concern from my dr so i don t know if this is health anxiety or from something like gerd i just fear i m either crazy or i m dying or it s both

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i m so tired everything is rough right now i m getting sick of it and i want out it seems thing go wrong at every turn lately for example my family went on a big march break trip one week on a resort wa gon na be awesome to top it off i wa turning sixteen that week and guess what happens i get norovirus for day and then the flu for the rest of it i missed half of the trip how fucking incredible back home now and thing are more stressful than when i left the ceiling of my parent restaurant caved in from prolonged water damage which our landlord wouldn t fix and we ve been closed for a month now with repair only starting recently i have been unable to work this whole time which is lovely considering i am paying of an expensive computer feel selfish to complain considering the scale of issue that my parent are facing but still fucking suck i can barely get myself out of bed in the morning now and i ve missed lot of school a a result of course my grade have fallen i ve got missing assignment littered about and it suck cause not long ago i wa a 90 and up student i just want to be dead i m not brave enough to do anything though so i guess i ll sit and suffer i wa hoping i d have turned all this around by it s been year that this ha been going on now and i am so disappointed in myself for it i know i could do better than this i know i have the capability if i could just have enough energy and will to get the fuck out of bed every morning all would be perfect if i could look at myself in the mirror without wanting to claw my face off all would be perfect but none of this is gon na happen because i don t have the drive to bother with any of it nobody know either i don t think anybody ha the slightest clue and if they have an idea they don t know the depth of it i m not gon na tell them i ll probably have died already by the time i have the courage to say anything oh well i certainly won t tell my parent i don t even know how we are still afloat financially with everything that s happening but we are barely and i m not gon na add stress to them

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need someone to talk to

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cleders sorry i wa rooting for them too

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legitimate question i m not trying to be close minded or anything i got referred to a therapy clinic by a friend of mine and i have been doing weekly session for a month now i don t feel any better and to be honest i kind of dread my therapy session because they leave me feeling even more helpless and empty i think my therapist isn t the best phd student in training but i feel so bad saying that since i know she s there to help me people have told me to change therapist but jesus christ i can t bring myself to do it because i feel bad i put myself in her shoe i honestly don t know if i m being impatient about all this since i ve heard therapy take many session to help at all anyways i went to therapy because i wa fed up with life after dealing with anxiety and depression symptom for year and i wanted to take my friend s advice also my depression symptom have been worse even though my qol ha been better overall i let my therapist know that nothing triggered my depressive episode this time around and that my mind is just painfully empty feel like someone is constricting my brain and i feel lethargic all the time but all she doe is ask what do you mean by that sorry if i m writing too much in one post but i heard therapist aren t supposed to give advice so what exactly can she do for me she doe cbt sometimes like when i told her that everyone in the room judge me for the way i walk and talk to which she say who told you that are you sure you re not judging them first which doe make my question myself slightly but that s all nothing that i can actively implement to help me counter those thought but then again i have no idea what i m supposed to take from my session and would appreciate your guy feedback any experience you want to share amp x 00b edit sorry wanted to clear up that i haven t been formally diagnosed with anything so i m not 00 sure if i had a depressive episode i had to ask my therapist to refer me to a psychiatrist didn t seem like she wa going to since i wanted a proper assesment

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dg thank you depression and anxiety suck but i m out the other side x

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brendamew no art tomorrow and nice to see you ve joined twitter

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pls guy answer what u feel

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i just hit something hard i mean i ve been numb before the loss of feeling ha even killed relationship but after the breakup of the best bf i ve ever had numb ha been more common keep in mind it s been abt a week so far well lately with how he s acted and everything and because he even said so i thought we had a chance to work again in the future we broke up because he is suffering mental issue well today he told me he actually lost feeling i also had a small issue with a close friend over lying and smoking and i flipped all my past trauma clicked in right there all the past ex and friend and just people who lied and left me it all hit again which it s crazy to me he triggered it but maybe it s because of the connection i once shared with him but hearing that he lied when he said a couple day before that he still loved me and just wa struggling at the time and all the little flirting and care he s shown feel so contradicting to the point everything clicked off i cried it all out and the emotion wont come back but not even the emotion feel gone i feel like i lost my soul like i wa just blackout drunk my whole life and i just woke up and only recall blurry scene from my life and it s all gone i ve distanced myself from a few close friend and rn only have my bsf and sister im really talking to i cant tell if i fucked up or what but it all is so hazy and confusing i lost whhat im doing and idk what this is or what to do to somehow bend up a better person out of this it s awfully terrifying and it s making me so light headed

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third post on this subreddit from this account most day are anxiety inducing i spend the majority of my life in my bed no job struggling to complete my coursework or even just to take a shower a of the last year these day that i have struggled with since i wa ten have become many and far in between i wake up dreading the fear that the day will bring the argument the pain and the inevitability of my own suicide i know one day the suffering will be too much to bear and without doubt i will hurt many people i have felt for month that day is getting closer than ever a few day when the argument subside and i feel a little more hopeful about where my life is going i am filled with a passion and love for everything about life that i hate i want to strive to get a job get my license succeed in college again reach out to people and take care of myself in way that i can t bear to do usually i still have hope i crave to escape the hole that i am in but it feel inescapable whenever i try to turn my life into something more positive i am met with another detrimental setback that put me at square one all over again it make me fear being happy because i know those period will only last a few day at most i feel so desperate to not feel miserable i really don t want to die but i am sick of this cycle i see other people so content in loving relationship with family and i crave it so badly i feel helpless to my own circumstance and i am unsure of how to get better

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is there anyone here who managed to get out of depression if so how did you do it i got stupid lost my creativity and memory lost my energy just everything i am a useless piece of meat who can t even do the most basic thing this life is not worth living i don t want to spend my 0 like this where do i start and what are the thing i should do

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yesterday when i woke up i made my final decision to take my own life i have thought it over and even though there may be other option i decided that i am ready to just simply give up a the ongoing struggle ha made me decide it s not worth the pain i haven t felt anything but numbness for year i ve become obese my body is in terrible shape i ve battled with addiction but somewhat recently ive started to get over it when i finally thought that wa going well and started to be proud i wa met with people who didn t seem impressed and moreso judged the small victory i felt i guess because they didn t realize just how bad my situation wa three week off of hard drug wa a major milestone for me but people said it wasn t good enough and that i wa pathetic for thinking it wa impressive i don t see a bright side a i am finishing college even though i wa given a great job offer because i would just be continuing a life in a city where everyone hate me while i can work a lot and be miserable i am not the type to go out and leave on my own i would do nothing but recluse myself and probably miss home if i moved away i recently came to the realization that outside of the people that are friend with me my public perception is very much that i am a loser my antic have made people that used to consider me a friend not even like me a a person a girl i used to love decided to lead me on somewhat recently just to tell me her friend and everyone else hate me and that she would never consider dating me this wa essentially my tipping point i have decided that thursday night when i am returning from a work trip i am going to park my car on the way home by a bridge i am going to start drinking heavily i will make it look like i lost control a i drive through the rail and into the water those that know me will find this heartbreaking but ultimately not shocking and devastating in the way a suicide might affect them they will be able to cope with the loss without wondering if it wa their fault the only flaw in my plan is i have written a note to be left with my closest friend because one thing i can t do is leave without letting him know how much i appreciated everything he s done for me i simply can not do that but that is one thing that might ruin the hidden intent of my action

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hello twitter i m on a one week leave from school bc i have depression how are you all d

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i m ready to end all but i don t have the courage to do it i ve thought of different way when and where i would do it but i m scared i m a f and life isn t going well my career isn t going a planned in a few week i ll be out of a job i wa terrible at this job and had no choice but to leave i have another offer and interviewing for another place but i m scared it won t work out and i m ashamed that i have to find another job i m struggling financially and i m too scared to tell anyone i don t know how i m going to keep going i m extremely depressed and want this to end i don t know where i m heading in life what is good for me and how to keep going my life goal wa to be successful settle down and have child but i don t see that happening if i stay i see myself being unhappy in corporate america my thought are all over the place right now but i have no one to talk to i m not living the american dream i m living someone else s dream this make me think that the world would be a better place without me

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my fast remains un broken

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i just bought 0 paracetamol a 0ml bottle of vodka and some coke to balance it out i love my mom i feel like shit this happened like 0 0 0 but my crush at uni played me flirted and cuddled with me for two day only to fuck another girl right in front of my eye and after chasing him and being rejected i got bullied by our friendship group everyone cut me out and stopped talking to me he fell in love with me after i told him something private and made a playlist with song about me on his phone and i fell into a psychotic episode right in front of him i believed i could use telepathy to communicate with him i wa fully convinced he wa on heroin and took heroin for me because i d hear other thought inside of my own head i ve never loved anyone the way that i loved him and he s verbally told me to fuck off and that he doesn t want anything to do with me it kill me to know i ll never be with him when i could have university wa my last opportunity and the psychotic episode i had led to me fucking it all up i ended up dropping out and spent month in the psych ward and nothing will ever feel the same again i ll never have child or get married because i have asperger s so i fake my way through any and all conversation i lie and hide and smile but i don t have anything to say i just wanted to tell at least one person this i m going to kill myself and this is the end edit i ve taken half of the pill and i m not that drunk so i want to keep going edit had pill with coke and vodka before i felt like i needed to puke dry heaving and threw away the bottle and pill

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i finally opened up to someone my mom and told her how bad my mental health had gotten and that i d purchased thing to go through with it her response i don t blame you and would understand if you do and walked out the fuck

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you ever see a grassy hillside and want to just melt into the soil and be consumed by the plant

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i have no will to live anymore but i cant kill myself because i dont want to hurt my mom or anyone else who care about me i fucked up my school career and have no motivation on anything in life and im only year old sorry for my bad english lol

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hey i don t want anyone to feel too down but any advice might help so for the past few day week scarily maybe a couple of month i haven t felt real and it s starting to scare me i ve struggled with anxiety for a while and i ve had it happen for a couple of day in the past but this time it feel different it s the physical embodiment of is this all there is like i m self aware yet everything is hazy and forgettable i thought it would go away when i came home from uni but it hasn t i just came back from a family dinner where i couldn t stop being frustrated with how i couldn t just be there mentally immerse myself i tried appreciation of the little thing and when i try i know i should feel something but it just apathy it s like it is what it is but a bit more pessimistic hopeless maybe hopeless is too strong a word i don t plan on giving up in my lifetime but it just make me overwhelmed that this ha been going on for a while and i don t know how to make life feel real again it might be derealization but it feel weirder more self aware than that if anyone ha gone through this before and ha tip to speed up the process i d be so so grateful

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http t co fceklau ff for your depression

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kishorek this is strange illegal torrent avlbl everywhere legal dvd not in stock what do i do now

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being trans fucking suck kayleigh will never pas therapist are ghosting her so there s no help not to mention on top of that having a piece of shit father and failing school doesn t exactly help just need to end it so the pain can finally stop but too much of a pussy to do it fuck everyone who say it ll get better kayleigh ha heard that for the longest time now and not once ha it gotten better

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i have probably around 0g of metformin sitting next to me right now im scared but relieved that everything will finally be over

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could you imagine angel eva fight against titan we got double depression http t co rqscb dom

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i feel like shit i just want somebody to talk to idk if that s too much to ask for

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there is very little that people will not excuse a long a you mention depression a a primary motivator the depression free pas is extensive

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an thank you i have to now do it all again today

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who knew rishi sunak being incapable of using a fucking bank card would be what kick off today s depression spiral lmao

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wont get any rudd money for those in doubt http calculator ato gov au script axos axos asp context amp kb esb xr amp go ok

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incredibly immensely indecisive

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fornowshesgone depression did

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terrible toothache feeling very grumpy hotel to write about in my work queue

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talking to a boy hating work though

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i m just so disgusted by myself i don t want to do this anymore i hate myself so much and i can t stop thinking about blowing my brain out or taking all my medication when i get home from work in one year i ve ruined my life and future i fucking hate myself so much i feel like i m going to burst into flame i don t know how to live with this and after a year i ve realized i can t

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watching dj emir battle his computer for supreme ruler of the studio i think the computer is winning

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celesteclara i can t sleep either

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theengteacher dammit getting to know this corner very well

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my xbox a finally given up the fight

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i ve been taking fluoxetine for two year now and my ability to orgasm i m a girl ha completely gone out the window in that time i finally felt secure enough to ask to switch medication to one that doesn t have such an impact on my sex life and i ve just been prescribed mirtazapine l d be so grateful if anyone could share their experience on mirtazapine both sexual and otherwise i ve seen online it seems to take a lot longer to start working week and i m nervous about feeling worse in that time too i am continuing to take fluoxetine whilst we increase the mirtazapine so i don t go without doe it feel different to ssri s did it help your sexual life did it make you feel worse before it made you feel better what are the side effect like

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i ve been experiencing such a exacerbation of my anxiety symptom that i think it s time to get evaluated for medication doe anyone have any recommendation for provider in the nyc area or in ny state in general since telehealth is a thing and nyc is insanely expensive 00 for a consultation is steep

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ha anyone used benadryl for anxiety attack i started using this because i refuse to be on benzos and find it work just enough to make it more manageable and wanted to know if others did too

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fucking boredom make me wan na go have a smoke

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duncanmacrae hmmm well good luck with that

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hold tight it s nearly the weekend here s roger inferno attending a seminar to deal with his negative thought like a totally normal person depressed superhero webcomic mentalhealthmatters depression superheroes webcomics comic positivevibesonly itsokaytonotbeokay http t co erpvmv l n

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getvisible journalist are up there with ambulance chasing lawyer in my reckoning

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my chest feel so heavy and tight im having trouble breathing im nauseous and my head hurt so much

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content warning od throwing up hi this is just a vent ig but like last night i really felt like taking an overdose but i decided not to so that i didn t have to throw up cause that happened and i hate it and i don t want to throw up and then die like that would be awful but today i woke up at like three or four am and puked all over the floor and now i m just thinking that me avoiding taking those pill didn t work out like hoped like i still threw up but i m not even dying

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wonder why someone that u like so much can make you so unhappy in a split seccond depressed

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im home alone for the first time in a while cant help but to think now is the time to do it hate my mind think this way but idk how else to think

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i don t really have any kind of hope that any other kind of love can truly save you it ha to be romantic because you don t trust friend or family when they tell you that the love you anymore but if someone is willing to hold you and stay with you for the rest of your life just the initiative make it feel better but my problem doesn t even lie there the real problem is that i don t really see myself a someone that can be loved and the reason are endless i m not good looking i have severe social anxiety and i m just a handful of a person to deal with haha and i definitely am not a person that should have been born and even the one time i gave my heart to someone and tried to get to know them better with the hope of igniting something real it wa a fail and i can t help that i have no will left in me to live i don t think writing this post will really achieve anything ultimately but well it would be nice if someone could try to understand me

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i hate cooking dinner

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please help i need to know if any of you have been on some type of medication for your anxiety and depression and if it s worth me giving it a shot i ve set the date and found the method of my suicide but i want to give life one last try before i pull the final curtain one reason i didn t want to go on medication is because i ve heard it just make you worse and you become too dependent on it in 0 0 my gp didn t want to medicate me after telling him i d made an attempt on my life instead he said to try therapy first which i did in 0 and whilst it wa interesting and i liked my therapist it didn t actually help me please let me know of your experience with being medicated for your depression and anxiety also if you could mention the drug they gave you that would be great thanks

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i m writing this in hope i get a sign but it s been year already and no sign of life getting better my mom hate me she already told me that my family doesn t give a shit about me and my friend they also don t i ve been trying to get a job i wa just fired from a job where i wa happy learning and getting good pay they just sent me an email saying they no longer need me no feedback except for you are great but not what we need i have tremendous stress a i have to help pay rent i don t want to be a burden anymore i really tried but i m not getting anywhere

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we all know im too much of a pussy to kill myself but fucking hell i want to i want to jump off the bridge near my home being killed by someone would be even better sometimes i imagine myself sending people my goodbye message and killing myself out in the wood there s a tree i stare at every single time i pas it with a perfect horizontal branch this fucking close to buying a noose and just doing it and the worst part is if anyone who knew me irl read this they d think i m joking and that it s stupid but there is nothing i want more than death right now

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i ve been distracting myself with hobby and uni but at the end of the day i always get reminded that none of it matter they re only there to stop my train of thought from entering my mind they re just bring a split second of feeling recently picked up smoking again and it s the only thing that can temporarily bring some emotion back there s nothing worth living for why am i still alive i just don t know how to feel anymore i just want to wither away and be forgotten to close my eye every night hoping to not open them again

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deemaah but i offered to clean twice

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my gf ha several psychiatric condition including bpd ptsd and others and ultimately she say that she hate me and everyone around her for neglecting her and not helping this isn t entirely false a i have a few thing i m working on for myself but she undoubtedly ha it much worse she s been staying with me but primarily life with her parent a she can t be without her childhood home i m worried that me being around her is just making u co dependent or that my lack of real experience in psychology is making thing worse how do i know when i really am just making the situation worse by staying i am trying to improve and be a better support system for her but i m not improving fast enough problem is i m worried that if i leave her then she ll certainly have no real support even from her parent i realize it might be subjective but what are some thing to look out for

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