Datasets:

NewEden

/

Jobrrr-Ao3-Wata-Oshi-Fan-fiction-JSONL

like 0

Follow

New Eden 25

55_1

“And then Rei showed up with an offering that no one had ever heard off, the Branch of Eternal Love . She said she had spent days searching for it, scouring the forest, slaying dangerous monsters, never resting. She had barely made it in time. And when she offered it to the scales it sprouted into a massive tree. It was an outstanding victory for Rei, no one had every heard of it before and everyone was silenced. She then swore she would always love me. Even if she wasn’t perfect, even if she couldn’t give me a fairy tale romance, she wanted to be the one to make me happy and she would always be my partner.” Perfect. “Oh.” Melia looks fondly at her daughter, “Well it sounds close to a fairy tale romance so far.” Claire chuckles, “It really was in many ways.” God… how am I ever - oh Claire has found my hand. She squeezes it. “Is everything okay Rei?” “YeAh.” She frowns for a second, and gives my hand another squeeze and fixes a smile again. She. knows. Shut up. “If you say so, Rei.” You're worrying her. “Well Mother, with her complete defeat at the hands of my dear wife, that rival finally admitted defeat, but then she claimed she was only trying to take Rei for herself. The nerve! I made sure she understood that I would not stand for that.” She chortles and god, is there a more perfect sound? “That said, I quickly was embarrassed by such a declaration. It honestly took me too long to admit much more than that. I wish the two of us could have been more honest about our feelings sooner… but I know I wasn’t ready for that.” There is another gentle squeeze of my hand. Melia sighs in such a fond way, “Ah, yes… it is like that isn’t it?” She makes eye contact with me for a moment, uhhh did I do something? “Your father was one to keep things too close to the chest too.” “Goodness yes, atrocious, however he was insufferable with the girls. Always gushing over them and spoiling them.” Claire smiles, just like her mother did. Melia smiles again, but it’s solemn. She misses him . “Just like he was with you.” Both of them share a look, it’s fragile. Like a lot is being said with just the silence. And I have no idea what . I don’t feel like I belong here. “Mother, thank you for lunch.” Melia chuckles, kinda like Claire does, but more muted, softer. “Of course, I wish I could have made time sooner for this.” “Please, I understand. And it’s not as if we haven’t also been busy.” She’s so kind. “That is how the world is, isn't it? Are you managing fine? Please tell me if it is too much.” Melia lets herself fret a bit finally. “Of course, I’ve had my Rei the whole time.” Claire runs her thumb over my hand. Her Rae. I catch Melia giving me another look, god I hate feeling like I’m under a microscope. “If it’s all right, would you two mind if I used the restroom for a moment?” Claire asks. Her mother gives her a nod. “Oh, yah. Cool.” Claire leans over and places a quick kiss on my cheek… In front of her mother? She’s gone… when did she…? “I think I might have some ideas on who this Love Rival might be.” Oh right Melia is still here. “I understand why she doesn’t want to name her though.” “Huh?” “The one you competed with, your offering sprouted a tree.” “Oh right… yes, sorry. Her.” Who? “Are you alright dear?” Right for the throat. God I can feel myself wither under her gaze. “Yeah.” That didn’t sound certain. “Are you nervous? Rei, I assure you, I have no qualms with my daughter dating you or any of her displays of affection. It’s cute.” She smiles. Fuck right she kissed me in front of her mother. Melia laughs, “Please Rei, it’s okay. Really. But something seems to be bothering you, hasn’t it? You have seemed tense this whole time.” “I don’t know.” “Whatever you tell me will stay between us. You always seem the worst when she talks about you, from before .” Is she a psychic? She chuckles, “I’m observant.” Not convincing me otherwise. “Is there something wrong about what she said?” “Yah, it doesn’t sound like me.” Melia looks a little concerned. Huh? . . . Fuck I said that out loud. “I-I just mean that she talks about all these things and how amazing Rae is and, but like that’s not anything like me. I couldn’t do any of those things that she said she did. Like she spent days grinding out monsters to find a rare drop? I get winded if I run. And then she’s so talented and smart. I’m not any of those things. I don’t understand. Why does she think I’m her? I'm nothing like her. I’m-I’m-m.” Please don’t crack voice… please. “Breathe dear.” Breathe. It’s really hard to level out my breaths. God. “This is bothering you.” I just nod. I don’t want to risk talking again. I’ll either say too much again… or… turn into a mess. “You said before she knew who you were.” I nod again. “Was she wrong?” “No! I… it’s me… but like, that me, Rae , she saved the world?” She leans over the table, and places a hand on my shoulder. I feel like I’m drawn in to look at her directly. It’s intimidating even if she doesn’t mean to look anything like that. “ Rei, she loves you. Of course she thinks the world of you.” “B-but I’m going to let her down.” Melia’s hand massages my shoulder softly. “It feels like that, it’s normal Rei. We always feel like we won’t measure up.” “It’s not normal, the only normal and plain thing about this is me.” “Rei, you should talk to her about this. She does think the world of you, but I do think you are being selective with your comparisons. It sounds like you were quite the nuisance .” There is a teasing smirk. Never sounded like that to me. “I wish I had the confidence to do half the shit she did. I couldn’t even talk to Claire before she came up to me…” “Rei, it didn’t sound like confidence, and I don’t think Claire thought it was either. It sounded like the past you had trouble being sincere. I think she was also afraid of rejection.” How? “But… Claire wouldn't reject her?” She loves her. “And she won’t reject you either.” That doesn’t make sense. We’re not the same. Melia gives my shoulder a pat and pulls back. “Think about it, Rei. I didn’t doubt it before, and I don't doubt it now. She loves you. You. ” Melia feels like a level ninety-nine mom, it’s hard to argue with her and I do feel a bit better. Even if I still don’t agree… completely. “Oh yes, before I forget, Rei .” Crap, that sounds like a wind up to mom finisher. “I’ve noticed that you haven’t used the credit card. Even once .” Fuck . “I… I haven’t had a reason to?” “I said you could use it on anything Rei, even if it's just to pay for your meals, please use it.” Please not the mom voice… “But… like I have money already set aside for that?” She sighs and shakes her head. I don’t want to be a disappointment. “Rei, you can save that money, really it’s okay for you to use it. I insist. You might not think it, but you have done a lot for both Claire and I.” “I’ll… try to…” “You better .” That sounded too much like Claire…. Fuuuck. She smirks, I must be blushing. Okay, that’s kinda unfair. “It’s okay, I’m not bothered by it.” How does she have me downloaded so quickly? “I’m sorry…” She laughs, “Rei, it’s fine. It’s cute. I know it can be… well more conservative here but I've always believed in letting people love who they love. Your parents… are they okay…?” “Yeah…. Yeah… like I don’t think they really get it, but they’ve been cool. I… got… outed in middle school and everyone found out… I’ve been…” breathe “trying to be careful since then. My mom and dad were… I’m lucky. They're still learning but they’ve been good. My little brother is brat about it, but like in a good way.” She relaxes, “That’s a relief to hear. If I had to, I would be happy to add to my collection. It seems to be growing. What is it? Collecting them like pokemon?” What? Oh god I snort loudly, then Melia starts to laugh, ah fuck it. I’m laughing too. “Oh god, that caught me off guard, yah. Pokemon, haha.” Melia wipes a tear, “I’m glad I said that right, I’m afraid I was the wrong generation for that. But I was serious. I would have been happy to help if you needed it. I was happy to help Catherine, and I’m glad I was able to cat

55_2

ch Manaria in that whole fallout. That was cruel of her father.” I can’t help but feel some sympathy but… she’s trouble. “Well it seems you’re not a fan of her here either, are you? I know she can be abrasive.” “ Huh ? Here?” “Yes… I have to assume the love rival Claire worked so hard to not name or describe was Manaria.” “What?” “I thought it was obvious.” Was it? “It… but like… and………………….. I BEAT Manaria?” The princess? “I don’t believe Claire embellished that part at all.” Why does she make it sound like it’s no big deal? “Manaria really was interested in me? What? How? Why?” Who the fuck was Rae? “That would have to be answered by the girl herself I suppose. But I doubt we could get a valid answer in this life, would we?” Melia takes a sip from her tea. “I’m supposed to beat a princess?!” “I’d hardly suggest that. Rei, I really don’t think Claire expects anything of the sort out you either. She is just happy to be with you. And she can tell something is bothering you, just like I can.” “No she…” She knows. “She doesn’t know why, but she can see something is bothering you. You are just as bad as Dole when it comes to it. She’s… happy, she’s so happy to be with you, I know it’s scary but you need to talk to her about this. “ I can’t. “I know.” “A little faith goes a long way, trust me. Claire is walking back, make sure you use that card or I’ll have words with you again.” She smirks. “Have you been interrogating Rei?” Claire! “Wha?” “Of course not.” Melia laughs and Claire looks a little worried. “I was just offering some advice on a matter Claire. Don’t worry, I like your girlfriend.” Claire looks stunned for a moment, then smiles widely. Her eye’s glisten and she quickly leans over and hugs her mom. “Mother!” It’s soft. Melia wraps her arms around Claire and looks so… serene. “Your father’s always had good taste, and I can see why. Make sure you take care of her.” Feels like she's saying that to me too. I have to. Claire nods, her head still pressed against her mom. “Of course.”

5_1

I definitely left too early. And was up way too late researching. Prosthetics are expensive. I could open up—oh, a text from Francois-san. Good Morning Rei, we are coming down now and should see you soon. Sincerely, Francois. Okay, that’s pretty cute. I should let her know that with other people that’s going to look weird, though. “Rei!” Just a few minutes later, I peek up from my phone and see Francois-san waving to me with Achard-san just behind, leaning on her cane. I guess Francois-san was right about the leg. Francois-san walks slowly, being careful to not leave Achard-san behind. They almost look like sisters. “Sorry if we made you wait long. I’m not used to the style of clothing here and I might have been stressing too much about appearances…” Wow, I mean, I look so frumpy in my old hoodie compared to her. She’s wearing a long and very pretty white dress with a form-fitting red sweater vest over it. I don’t think I have seen her in it before but she does look great. For someone who probably has even less of an idea than I do about what’s currently trendy, she’s nailing it. “You look great,” I say, meaning it sincerely. Francois-san smiles at the compliment, looking right at me. Oh , this is going to take some getting used to. “Thank you, Rei, I hope my hair looks okay too. It’s not how I usually wear it but my old style needed a lot of help to get right and Catherine said I just wear it straight here.” It's hard to imagine her long blonde hair as anything other than its usual simple straight style. It’s so smooth and pristine. “It’s good, very good!” Oh God, Rei, keep it together. You sound even more awkward than usual. I can see Achard-san roll her eyes behind Francois-san. Francois-san just smiles again and God, if I could melt it would be dangerous to be around her. “Thank you, Rei. I tried to play it safe. I like your outfit too. It feels like you.” Okay, Achard-san, you don’t need to snicker. I’m sure Francois-san meant it, but my clothes really aren’t that nice. “Thanks, sooooo , we have economics first. That’s probably not going to be easy to dive into right away so I can sit next to you for that. If your lackeys ask, you can say I’m tutoring you.” “That’s actually not the worst cover. Her grades haven’t been doing well. She could even say her mom is making her do it,” Achard-san adds in. Yeah, that’s a good idea. After all, there’s no way someone like Francois-san would even look my way otherwise. “Mother…right, yes, I can do that. Wait, did you say lackeys?” Francois-san asks. “Yeah, you always seem to have two other girls around you. It’s like your mean girls squad.” “What—” “She’s not going to understand the reference,” Achard-san sounds a bit annoyed. “You need to use things she can understand.” “Oh, right, your, um, entourage?” That will make more sense, right? “Oh, do you know who they are?” “Nope.” I let the P pop. I mean, why would I know them? I barely even had a chance to talk to Francois-san before this all happened, and it’s not like I cared about her lackeys at all. “What do they look like?” Francois-san asks. “Hrm, one is a little taller, brunette, and the other is shorter and has pink hair.” Did one of them have freckles? “Loretta and Pepi!” She says excitedly. I’m not sure if they will live up to her expectations from that reaction. “Now that you mention it, you did always call them my minions before.” “That’s probably them,” Achard-san throws in, ignoring the minions part. “Can we get moving? It takes me longer to get there you know.” “Do you want to take a bus?” I ask. “No, it’s fine, I like the walk. The cane is usually fine. Let's just get moving.” She seems eager to move past the topic. “Let me know if you need anything, okay, Catherine?” Francois-san gives Achard-san a polite nod. Achard-san definitely seems like she’s not used to this yet, but she doesn’t make a big deal about it. She seems eager to get to class. Our walk goes by quickly even though we’re moving more slowly than usual. We try to cram in a bit more prep for class before we get there, but honestly I think we’re going to have to go back through my notes to the beginning. At least it’s still early in the semester. I allotted some extra time for the walk on account of Achard-san so we should still be pretty early to class, hopefully without too many people around. Once we get to the building, we stop to get breakfast from the cafeteria. It doesn’t take too long to finish our meal. “Oh, I might need to use the restroom,” Francois-san says. She looks around, unsure of where to go. “Sure just—” “It’s out that door and to your left, Claire.” Achard-san cuts me off. Francois-san notices and there is a look between her and Achard-san. After a second or two Francois-san sighs,.“Fine, but be nice .” Achard-san just gives her an extremely fake smile. Francois-san mouths ‘I’ll be back’ and turns to follow the directions to the restroom. And then it’s just me and her roommate slash friend. Cool . Achard-san takes her time finishing her coffee. “So…” I attempt, but it doesn't really help the awkward mood. Achard-san puts her drink back down. “Right…” She sighs. “Look, this is kinda messed up and I appreciate you being there to help, but also Francois-chan is my… friend and I don’t know the first thing about you.” Great. We’re having this conversation already. I can’t stop my nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I really didn’t know Francois-san before this happened. I mean, we share classes and I think we’re in a similar course of study, but I never really got a chance to talk to her.” “Didn’t stop your massive obvious crush on her, did it?” Achard-san mentions oh-so-casually. I nearly choke on my own cup of coffee “What?” I say, coughing. Rei, don’t think about how much you’re blushing. Count primes… “Trust me, Claire can be clueless when it comes to crushes, but even she is noticing this.” She motions her hand at me. “And sure, she thinks you two are married or whatever but she is still loving this.” Catherine takes another sip of coffee. “Not to be too harsh, but you’re kind of a walking stereotype.” “Noted.” I clear my throat. “What is your point, exactly?” I do not need this. “Eh, look, sorry, that came out worse than I meant. I’m not great with people. I don’t know. I don’t get whatever this is between you and her. She’s in a very vulnerable spot and I worry about her, okay?” Achard-san fidgets, feeling awkward even having to say this much. “I … I don’t want to hurt her. I’m trying to help.” I offer. She sighs. “Yeah, cool, just making sure we’re on the same page.” She leans back and seems content to let the silence return. “Err, what was she like, y’know, before this happened.” I needed to say something. She groans and takes a moment before answering. “I guess you already know she lost her dad, from the talk last night. Well, it happened when she was really young. There was a car crash in Paris, and lucky me, I was in the other car. Hence the leg, and…hrmm, no, that’s me stuff. Anyways, after that the two of us often got bundled together. My dad pretty much ditched me—don’t ask—and while Claire’s mom was picking up the pieces and getting their business back on track we spent some time with Claire’s extended family, the Sousse, in the Alps. We bounced from country to country for a bit before settling here.” I guess that’s good to know. “I was asking more about how she acted before this. But thanks for sharing all of that.” Catherine shrugs. “I don’t know, she acted really shut off after the accident. She was better when she was a kid from what I heard, but losing her dad hit her hard and her mom was always busy. I don’t like trying to psycho-analyze my friends, but honestly she seemed kinda depressed, or maybe detached? Superficial? It’s weird seeing her like this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good, but honestly I’ve never seen her be even a fraction as… okay as she seems now.” “So…this is better, then? It’s not like she’s a completely different person now, right?” “Errr, people are going to notice, even if she tries to act ‘normal.’ It’s a big change. It feels like she woke up or something. But yeah, I think it’s better because before she was just…not great, honestly. So don’t fuck it up, I guess.” Great, no pressure. The way Achard-san is eyeing me doesn't really help either. “I—” “I’m back.” Francois-san announces herself, looking pleased

5_2

. “I was worried that the restroom here would be more complicated, but at least our public restrooms aren’t too different.” “You took your time.” Achard-san says over a sip of coffee. Francois-san clicks her tongue and flicks Achard-san on the forehead, after she sets her cup down. Achard-san looks surprised and rubs the spot, but leans back and lets a small easy smile settle in. “Look, I wasn’t expecting the sinks to just turn on. I thought they had broken and they kept turning off and on…” I can’t help but laugh as Francois-san tries to explain the situation, “They have a sensor for your hands. You just have to have them in the right place.” “I sort of figured that out, but I spent at least a minute trying to find a knob.” She laughs. At least she isn’t too embarrassed by the situation, and even Achard-san chuckles a bit. “She didn’t bully you too much while I was gone, I hope.” “No, it was good.” I mean, she did kinda grill me, but I understand why. I take a sip of what’s left of my coffee, and Francois-san chooses that moment to shoot me a smirk. “Good, only I’m allowed to bully you.” That sends the coffee up my nose and sends me into a coughing fit. Francois-san just leans back, looking smug and unfairly attractive. I am so doomed. My grave will say “killed by teasing and gay panic.” “Okay, I want no part of this flirting.” Achard-san blanches, sticks out her tongue as she pushes herself up from her seat. “I’m going to my classes. Have fun with your otaku, Claire.” And she walks away and disappears out the exit. It’s just me and Francois-san now, and she smiles when she catches me looking over at her. I’m not meant to last, am I? “I just wanted to get a little bit of flirting in before we can’t.” She certainly has a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You’re very cute when you blush, but I would rather not share it with others.” One, two, three, five, seven, eleven, thirteen, seventeen… “It’s not too much… is it?” The glint is gone, replaced with concern. She looks like she wants to lean over towards me. She glances at my hands fidgeting on the table. “No! Yes?” I let out a nervous chuckle. “Sorry, sorry, you said you wanted to take it slow… I can wait.” Francois-san retreats a little, her eyes looking unsure and a bit sad. “No! It’s okay!” I blurt out. Francois-san looks at me intently, like she’s trying to see my thoughts. I feel a bit exposed. “Rei, you don’t need to push yourself. It’s fine, really. I’m just being a bit impatient. It’s hardly been a day, after all, at least for you. And you have a bad habit of putting others before yourself.” “I do not.” I try not to pout, but Francois-san just hums in agreement and takes a sip of her own coffee. I don’t, right? “So, what does that mark on your sweater mean?” Francois-san asks, changing the subject. “Errr.” I have to take a second to remember what I threw on this morning. Oh, it’s this one. “It’s a hoodie, cause y’know, it’s got a hood.” I give the hood a flick and it pops up over my head. She gives an ‘ahhh’ and it’s honestly adorable. “And ummm.” I point at the logo which is probably what she was asking about in the first place. “This is the symbol of a game. It’s kinda nerdy otaku stuff, err, right, that’s not helpful to you. It’s, ummm—” “In our past life you sort of explained what games, well, video games, were like. We have games back in Bauer too, of course.” “I did? Oh, right, umm, okay, yeah I could show you some later if you want. But yeah, this is the title of the game.” “The game is called P5?” Francois squints like she’s trying to see something she must have missed. I slap my forehead, annoyed with myself. “It’s another acronym, sorry. It’s short for Persona 5. That little mask is part of the logo.” Francois-san hums and takes another sip of her coffee, and I just feel awkward. I’m really selling myself now, aren’t I? “I would like it if you showed me some of these games, if you don’t mind. You sometimes talked about them, as well as novels and, umm, ‘manga’ I think you called them. You said you even used to write some prose for them. You would occasionally write some when we were together too. It was lovely.” Oh God, is she talking about fan fiction?? It's embarrassing having your crush lay out exactly how much of an otaku you are, even if she lacks a lot of context. “Though I must confess, the first bit of prose of yours that I found left me so embarrassed. It was before we were together. You had written a silly and fanciful story where we were knights fighting the forces of darkness. I wish I hadn’t ripped it up now, but you had threatened to make two thousand copies of it.” She lets out such a lovely laugh, but… I WHAT? Oh god this sounds way too similar to the daydream I had last week. Oh Goooooooood why? I shrink in on myself. “I’m sorry I was such an otaku. I’ll find a hole and bury myself in it later.” “Oh don’t be so melodramatic, Rei, it's cute.” She tries to soothe me. She actually cares… oh, this really isn’t helping me calm down, though. “Though would you mind explaining what an ‘otaku’ is? It’s at least the second time you’ve mentioned it and Catherine mentioned it too. It sounds familiar. I’m sure you said it before in our past life, but I don’t think you ever explained it.” Huh? She looks genuinely curious, and it doesn't seem like she’s trying to tease me about it either. “Oh, well, ummm, I guess the easiest way to explain it without context is someone who gets way into certain kinds of media , like kinda obsessively into it. Huh, I guess you didn’t really have any media like that. Okay, so like, imagine if a play becomes really well known throughout the whole country and is really easy to watch and see and some people really get into, like, the story, or maybe the characters, or two characters’ romances. Or like, a singer gets really popular with a lot of people. Or an athlete. You had those, right?” She nods. “Okay so yeah, sometimes there is a whole subculture that talks about those things, and sometimes it gets derided for being too obsessive or whatever. Like, sometimes people make costumes of their favorite characters—” “Or write their own prose?” Francois-san asks. I wasn’t expecting her to be, well… really listening. “Yeahhh, we call it fan fiction here. The term otaku is not always meant politely, but it’s not always used negatively, either.” “Okay, I think I understand it, but I expect more context will help. I do want to see some of this media. I love seeing you get passionate about things. Oh, if you don’t mind, that is.” How is she always so nice to me? She’s been so calm and collected, at least when she isn’t teasing me… stop that, Rei. She has to see how awkward I am, right? I don’t feel like I deserve all this confidence she has in me. I can’t see myself measuring up to the Rei she has in her mind, at all. I saved her, she said, but how can I do that when I can’t even feel composed around her? And she looks at me like there is nothing else in the whole world. It’s all I wanted just a few days ago… and now? Am I going to lose it if she realizes I’m not like her Rei? I… I need to make sure that she gets what she needs first. I shouldn’t be so caught up in how inadequate I feel with everything she’s going through. We need to take this one step at a time. She is important right now. Not me. “Sure, no problem at all! But we should probably start heading to class before the rest of the students get there. Are you ready, Francois-san?” She just beams. “Of course. After all, I’m with you !”

63_1

“Rei?” “Huh?” Where am I? “I think our stop is next.” Claire is gently shaking my shoulder. God… what? I have to blink. Why am I so groggy? Train… I feel asleep… on Claire too, oh no— “Sorry I didn’t mean—” “Shh, it’s okay. You needed it. We will be there in a couple of minutes.” She’s slipped an arm behind my back at some point to hold me close, and she tightens it to bring me in closer. “It was a nice ride.” She seems so serene. I really like this. “ Chiba Station.” The train comes to a stop and we both get out with a bunch of other passengers, shuffling off the platform and down the stairs leading to the pickup lanes. “So where now?” Claire asks as she looks about. She's taking in all the sights. Oh… Wow, I feel a bit nervous. “Umm, my parents said they would pick us up…” Claire blinks. Should I have told her? “Here?” “Umm yes. I…” I take a breath. “I want you to meet them. I haven’t talked to them much since I left for uni.” “Oh. Oh ! I would have dressed up more.” She starts fretting with her outfit. “Do I look adequate? I would have worn a proper dress.” I don’t get what she’s worrying about. Her skirt looks perfect and she’s wearing a cute red top that exposes her shoulders and God . “Claire, you look amazing.” She puts on a smile. It’s a little strained. “I just don’t want to leave a bad impression.” As if . “You’ll be fine.” She takes a breath. “Okay.” I take her hand. We both feel nervous. That's okay . It’s okay. So my parents said they would be here somewhere. It seems pretty busy right now—there are a lot of other cars parked here. I haven’t gotten a text from Mom saying otherwise so they should be here, right? “Do you see them, Rei?” “Umm not yet, we might have to walk further down the lane—” THUMP ! Something bumps me in the back of the knee and my leg buckles. And that something is giggling like a brat . Claire gasps. “What! How dare you, little cretin. What is wrong with you?!” “I’m gonna murder you, Masao!” The laughter becomes boisterous and I regain my footing and pivot on the spot. “Masao, you asshole! What’s wrong with you?” “So much. Hey Sis.” “Don’t ‘Hey Sis’ me! I could have fallen.” “Nah.” Dead. Fucking. God. “I swear I will—” “Who’s the blonde?” “Huh?” “Excuse me?” Claire does not look thrilled. She might actually do something rash. “Mom said you were bringing a friend. There’s no way that this is your…?” “Wait, this is your brother?” The little shit grins and slinks up right next to me. It’s really unfair that he is almost as tall as me now. “Can’t you see the resemblance?” Claire blinks and places a hand on her chin. “Actually, yes. This is odd.” At least Masao shies away a little from the inspection. “Is Dad here?” I'm so telling Mom. “Umm, yeah, he’s way back. Parking was busy so they kicked me out to look out for you. Umm…” Don't tell me he has the same taste as me. “I’m Oohashi Masao. I guess you're friends with my sister.” I can feel my eyes narrow. Are you seriously striking a pose? Claire looks a little unsure, “Oh, hello. I’ve heard a bit about you. I’m Claire Francois. Rei is my…” She doesn't know what to say she is . Fuck it. “She’s my girlfriend, so back off brat.” He bounces away from me. “What! You’re shitting me! Her?!” He points at her. Oh, this is great. “Don’t point. And yes.” Claire breaks into a wide smile. This was the right move . “Yes, we’re dating. Romantically .” “But she’s like, a knockout.” “ I know .” He takes another look at her. “HOW?” Claire laughs and moves up to me, bumping her shoulder into mine and taking my hand again. Aaaaaah— “Your sister is very cute and handsome, that’s how.” Masao blinks again and then looks at me. Yeah, she’s with me, punk . “Wow, nice.” Claire bursts into a messy snort, and I can’t help but laugh too. “So, like, where’s Dad again?” “Yeah, yeah.” He starts walking and we follow. “This way… so you didn’t tell Dad or Mom?” “I — I was going to tell them now.” I can feel Claire’s hands squeeze mine. I squeeze back. “Please let me say it, okay?” “Uhhh, sure… sure. Sorry. Uni sure has treated you well, huh?” “Yeah… mostly. It’s been good.” “Cool. They’re over there, by the way.” He points to the end of a long line of cars. Dad’s old blue car is sitting there, the same as ever. “I’ll let you have a second.” “Awww, look at you being considerate.” I give his hair a good ruffle and he immediately squirms and ducks away. “Whatever.” He huffs. “Thank you Masao-kun.” Claire says. There’s a soft smile on her face. Masao just blushes, looks partly away and runs his finger under his nose. Wow, and he calls me a cliche . “Come on, Claire.” I give her hand a slight pull and she follows me to the car. I can see them both in the car — Dad is in the driver's seat and it looks like Mom has spotted me. She’s eyeing us and oh… yup. She's getting out. She quickly runs around the car and wraps me in a hug. Come on, Mom. Claire manages to hold my hand through it. I’m holding on too, but she has to give some room. “Rei! It’s been so long! Have you been eating and sleeping? It hasn’t been too much, has it?” “Mom, come on.” I’m trying to get out of her hug but she’s being really clingy. “Yes of course. Can you let go?” She pouts. Come on, Mom. I can hear Claire laugh. Mom finally relents, only now she’s all misty eyed. This is so embarrassing. She finally notices Claire. She notices the hands. Us. Holding them. Each other’s. Oh wow . Her eyes slowly rise to meet mine. She wants to ask . “Who’s this?” Right, this. Now . “Ummm… can Dad come out…? I…” My throat feels so dry right now. I feel Claire gently squeeze my hand. She knows already, doesn't she? “Of course, honey.” She turns around and taps on the window. I can see Dad's a bit surprised. He rolls the window down. “Everything all right?” “Just come out. Rei wants to introduce us.” “Oh, is this the friend you told us about?” “Just come out, dear.” Wow, Dad is not taking the hint . “Okay, okay.” He rolls the window back up and steps out of the car, taking a spot next to Mom. He looks at Claire. I can see his eyes casually float over our hands but then he just follows it back to me. He really hasn’t put it together, has he ? I don't know which is going to be more awkward, the expectant look from Mom, or the surprise Dad is going to have. “ Sooooo… what do you want to tell us, honey?” Oh god, Mom. Pleeeeeease. Claire squeezes my hand. I got this. “Mom… Dad… this is Francois Claire.” God, I have to swallow the lump in my throat. “She’s… my girlfriend.” Fuck. I said it— Oof! Mom’s hugging me again. TigHtly . Oh god. She's squEEzing. “You’re dating an American?” “DAD! Come on, she’s French.” Oh my God . “Nice to meet you, Francois-san.” Wow, he’s really taking it in stride. He extends a hand to Claire, and she smiles and shakes it. “It’s very nice of you to come out with Rei today.” “I’m happy to be here. Thank you for picking us up, Oohashi-san.” Dad’s got a dorky smile on his face. Wow, is he… happy ? “She’s so pretty, Rei!” Mom pulls back slightly and looks me in the face. “Are you okay, dear?” “Of c-course.” Why wouldn’t I be? Mom’s always been supportive. It’s nice that dad is too. He never really seemed to get it before. Why is it affecting me so much? Claire squeezes my hand. Mom shushes and wipes something from my face. I don’t know what that could be . “I’m glad to have finally met you,” Claire says. “Your daughter is wonderful and I’m glad we found each other.” “Are you crying?” Go—od . When did Masao get back here? “Shut up.” “Kids, no fighting in front of the company.” Dad flicks Masao in the head but the brat just grins

63_2

. “I’m sure your friends are waiting, so let’s get you there, okay?” Mom says. “Yeah, thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.”

31_1

I thought the walk back to my dorm would clear my mind a bit but… fdjaslk;fjads;ldlfldajfldaldlkvnloi. What? She called me her wife . She said that we are— were wives. Francois-san was my wife in a past life! She kept calling me Rei…. Rei… Oh God, even just recalling it makes me blush. I need to get this under control before I see Misha. Am I going to tell her? Francois-san said it’s fine… How do I even explain it without sounding crazy? I’m not an idiot for believing her, right? There’s no way she could have known all of that stuff about me, and she does seem like she is genuine. Right? I’m not just rationalizing it ‘cause I want it to be true… God, how did my one college crush turn out like this? This is actually insane. Like, what are we? Actual soulmates? Just being reborn over and over? Together forever…. Oh God, why am I doing this to myself? It’s way too warm and Misha is going to take one look at my face and know something’s up. And then she is going to grill me and I need to not let that happen!. Cool it, Rei! Last week Francois-san didn’t even look my way. She was so haughty and cool, and now she’s so kind. It feels like my emotions have been thrown into a jet engine. And I think she was even teasing me a bit too?! I want her to tease me more — REI! I slap my face, both cheeks. I need to focus. First things first. Either tell Misha everything, or tell her something… or nothing. Nothing is easier, right? She doesn’t need to know right now, after all. Right? Like, maybe I can tell her later when I get myself more under control. Right now I feel like a mess because of Francois-san. Francois-san made a mess of me — STOP! Okay, let's get home first. The room I share with Misha is small, just two beds and a shared desk, cramped but doable. Especially on our budget. Not like Francois-san’s luxurious grand room that would put some entire apartments to shame. Misha is on her bed, busy working away at something on her laptop. She has earbuds in, but pops them out when she notices me. “You’re a bit late.” She states. Something about the way she looks at me makes me feel like I’m being analyzed. I give a laugh, hoping to throw her off and not sound nervous. Not at all. “Yeah, just got caught up in something with a new friend.” Okay, good cover. Not really lying, good start. Misha narrows her gaze. Fuck . “What did you do?” Seriously? “I didn’t do anything! Why are you looking at me like I did something?” “Reeeeeiiii…” Misha just draws out the vowel and doesn’t let up with her withering gaze. Dammit. . “Okay, fine, I was with Francois-san.” God, I can’t believe I caved in already . “Rei…” Misha takes a breath and pinches the top of her nose. “That bitch? Seriously? Rei, you should stay away from her. I don’t care if she’s your silly crush. She’s bad news.” “Hey, that’s not true!” I can’t help but blurt out. “Really? You're just going to hurt yourself, and anyone who's paying attention knows you have no shot. She hasn’t been exactly keeping it a secret that she’s gunning for Thane-san, you know.” I know Misha is just looking out for me, but that doesn’t make this feel any less patronizing. “Well, she thinks I’m her wife .” Which is probably why I just said that. God, this is why I didn’t want to bring this up now. Misha’s jaw drops. Okay, this really wasn’t how this was supposed to go. “ What ?” God, I wish we had AC in this room. “Okay, this is going to sound insane, but she has memories of a past life where we were married and she sorta said that the version of me in that life had memories of my previous life and it sounds like some sorta loop….” God, I’m rambling. Misha’s eyes glaze over pretty quickly, and then she just shakes her head, pops her earbuds back in and turns back to her laptop. “Miiiiishaaaaaa, don’t abandon me!” I dash over to her bed and kneel beside it, shaking her leg. “Christ, Rei, do you even hear yourself? You’re a lost cause.” She tries to pull her leg away. “Misha, it’s true.” “Bullshit.” “She knew things, Misha.” Misha’s eyes narrow again. “So she’s stalking you too? Rei, she’s playing you. Get away from her—she’s just setting you up for some sort of cruel joke. Or worse.” “She couldn’t have known about this stuff. You weren't there.” Misha just stares, waiting for an answer. God, if I had just held it together and kept this all to myself for at least one night. ONE NIGHT. I take a deep breath. “She knew about Misaki.” “So? She probably just found some articles. Suicides make the news.” Misha tries to sound nonchalant but I can see she doesn't like the direction this conversation is going. “She didn’t just know about the suicide. She knew why he did it.” I have to take a hard swallow. God, today has made a mess of my feelings. Misha stares at the wall for a moment. Then she sighs and closes her laptop, pushing it to the side and storing her earbuds. “Explain.” “She said our past life took place in, like, a different world, and I found her there and we got married. In that life I think I had memories from this life, or some version of this life? She told me I told her about my previous life, and that's how she knew all these things about me. She knew about that awkward love square from middle school and she knew that Misaki was trans and that's why he… she even called him him . Only a few of us knew about that, and you're the only person I talked to about this. She just knew , it was like we had talked about it so many times already…I…” “You’re being serious.” It’s not a question so much as reluctant acceptance. “Yes, trust me, I know it sounds insane but I don’t have any other way to explain it. She doesn’t remember anything from this life. She didn’t even know what a phone was.” “Oh Christ, Rei, are you sure? Are you sure you aren’t both just… I don’t know, is it amnesia or something?” Misha sounds like she is trying to come up with some rational explanation, but I can see she’s just grasping at straws. “She didn’t know about phones?” “Yeah, I’m telling you, she has no idea about technology. I had to get directions from her roommate to get her home, and even her roommate seemed to believe her explanation after she talked to her. And they know each other well. Francois-san is like a completely different person. We were working on a plan to get her up to speed.” “Wait, we ?” “...yeah?” Wait, why does Misha look disappointed in me? “Rei….” … “Rei!” “ What ?” I huff. “She isn’t your responsibility! This is insane—you can’t be the one to fix this, it’s way too big. She needs to go home and get tutoring or something.” “And what, completely derail her life?” And worse, leave me behind right when I finally have a chance? I can make this work. “Rei, her life is already derailed. How is she supposed to get anything done? Classes? Homework? Hell, how is she even going to act normal around people? Her social life is going to be thrown out the window, and she was quite the little socialite despite being such a bitch.” “Hey! She remembers some people from her past life! She still knew her roommate. She remembers you, too.” Misha pinches her nose again, “Are you telling me we all knew each other in our past lives?” “I think so? I don’t know who else she knows from back then. It seemed like some stuff sorta lined up for her. She mentioned an accident… and okay, I don’t think I should mention too much, but she asked if you were my roommate, by name, and she was relieved when I said you were. She even said I could tell you about this if I thought it was a good idea. She trusts you.” “Rei, you know how insane this sounds, right? Even if what she’s saying is all true, you can’t do this by yourself. This is way too much for you to take on.” Misha sounds concerned, but it’s not like I don't understand how big this is. It’s just, who else is going to help Francois-san and not just lock her up until they ‘fix’ her? “Misha, she needs help from someone who won't think she’s crazy. Her roommate is going to help, too. I’m going to go pick her up tomorrow and take her to class. We share quite a few of the same classes. I think we’re both in the business track so there’s a lot of overlap.” “This doesn’t feel like it can work, Rei.” Misha tries one more time.

31_2

“I’m not going to give up on her,” I respond. I’m not sure where the stubbornness comes from, and it seems to surprise Misha as well. Maybe that’s why she just sighs in resignation. “Ok, fine. Save your crush, or wife, or whatev—” Misha pauses as she says that part out loud. “Wait, God, we just skimmed over that and how crazy it sounds. This is worse than those manga you read. She was your wife ?” Does Misha really have to act like that’s the most egregious thing about all of this? “That’s what she said.” Why is it so warm in here? Misha snickers. “Oh wow, and let me guess. She still loves you?” I try to glare at Misha but she just stops holding back and lets herself laugh until she’s doubled over. This is violence, Misha. How are you my best friend? “Miiishaaa, pleeeease.” She eventually settles down and wipes her eyes, a smirk still on her face. “So you finally got yourself a girlfriend?” “Oh, laugh it up. I see how you get around Yu-san.” She has no business making fun of me when she’s just as bad. “Answer the question, otaku.” “Fine! She said she’ill wait ‘till I’m ready.” Misha snickers viciously again. “How much more ready do you need to be? You literally haven’t been able to shut up about her.” Misha sits up and puts her hands together like she’s praying. “Oh Misha, how can Francois-san look so perfect and pristine? It’s like she’s a princess from a fairy tale, or even better, the evil queen. Sure she can be so cool, proper and detached, but that glare of hers says that she wants to step on her unworthy minions, I just know it I’ll bet she has a hidden fiery side if only—” Thwak! I hit her square in the face with one of the pillows from her bed, knocking her down. I ready the pillow for another strike if needed, but Misha just smirks and doesn’t say anything, as though she’s already won. Damn her. I let out a huffy sigh and get up from her bed to sit down on my own. “Let me know if any other crazy things start happening. Otherwise I have a paper to finish.” Misha disappears back into her laptop and earbuds, though she does give the occasional glance my way. I fall back into my bed and let my bag fall on the floor. Before real thoughts can percolate into my consciousness I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Oh, Francois-san sent me a text. Never mind, she sent a letter. Hello Rei, I hope this finds you well and you made it to your abode safely. I must thank you again for taking the time to help me as you have. I’m very grateful that you listened to me and took me at my word. I would have been lost without the help you have given me thus far, and for the further help you have offered in the coming days. I hope one day I can make this all up to you tenfold and I am sorry if I may have made you uncomfortable with the implication I made about our previous lives together. I understand and will respect your wishes if you do not want to pursue such a relationship, but I will not lie either. I do hope I can share this love with you once again, and you will always hold a place in my heart regardless. Sincerely yours, Claire Francois. I need to crack open a window. I can hear Misha snicker at me, again. Dammit, I’m blushing. Great. Laugh it up Misha, I’ll remember this. Hi Francois-san, Thks np Sorry, I mean thanks, no problem. texting is pretty informal and we tend to shorten words a lot Thks is thanks. I will try to avoid using abbreviations too much, but just ask if something comes up that you don’t understand We use acronyms a lot too, like imo is in my opinion, but just text however works for you. oh but maybe avoid sounding too formal with people who don’t know. You can probably even see some of your old texts to get an idea about how you used to text. And I’m not uncomfortable About a relationship With you I mean It's just that a lot happened in the last 8 hours and I don't want to move too fast. And I’m not out. I don’t think you were either. (being out means being open about being queer) sorry, I’m rambling, and I can see you are trying to type something back. I’ll pause Now Sorry, I am quite slow at this and you are very fast. It's a thing you get better at over time Thank you for your patience, Rei. I might have had to stop and rewrite my sentences several times. Lol Lol = laugh out loud I see. This feels more like a conversation than I thought it would be. It’s a pleasant ability to have. That said, I would like to try to call you if that is all right with you . Of course It doesn’t take too long for my phone to ring. I quickly hit accept. “Hello?” I try to say it clearly for her. “Hello!” Francois-san sounds very proud of herself. Oh God, it’s adorable . She must be beaming on the other end. “Thank you again, Rei. Phones are incredible. Are you sure this isn’t magic?” I laugh. “Yes, it’s not magic. I don’t think I could explain it very well right now. It’s very complicated how they work, but it’s just a machine. How are you settling in?” “Excited, also a bit nervous, but otherwise well, I think. Catherine was showing me a few other things before I wrote to you. Did you know about TVs? She also showed me her computer laptop. Apparently I have one as well.” I curl up in bed while listening to her voice. Something about this feels right. Just a day ago it was wishful thinking to imagine I could ever even talk to her. While this is pretty different from what I imagined, in many ways this side of her feels right. Like I was right about her all along. “Yes, TV’s are everywhere, and most students have a laptop. They’re very useful. We can get into it tomorrow after classes.” Francois-san hums in agreement on the other end, “Rei, I have a question.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “Are you still able to hear me?” “Ah, yeah. Though if you’re trying to not be heard you could try pocketing your hand over your mouth and phone. Or just leave the room. What’s up, are you okay?” “Oh, yes.” It still sounds like she’s trying to whisper but her voice is coming through a little bit clearer now. “I just would like it if Catherine didn’t overhear this. You may have heard when she talked about how I am to blame for the state of her prosthetic leg. It got damaged a bit at some point and it seems to be a pain to use but I don’t know how to go about replacing it. I would suggest repairing it, but she said it’s cheap and was poor quality to begin with. I think I have the monetary means to get her a better one but well, as you have seen, I am quite ignorant about how anything works here.” “Oh yeah, we can look into that. I think at some point you’ll need to let her know though, so she can get it fitted properly. But that sounds like something we should look into soon. I’m sure she would appreciate it.” “Thanks, Rei. I’m getting the sense the other me was… well, probably insecure and immature in the ways I was before I met you. And she probably made some poor choices. I would like to remedy those if I can.” Francois-san doesn’t sound ashamed, but there’s a sympathetic sort of softness to her voice. A sense of responsibility, even if she herself isn’t to blame. “I did steal her life, in a way.” “That’s quite a big assumption,” I can’t help but retort. “We don’t know exactly what’s happening, but from what you said it sounds like we might be reliving our lives over and over again? Maybe something just slid in a little wrong when you got here, and your other memories will come back in time. Maybe this version of you was just dormant this whole time.” I’m rambling again. Francois-san just chuckles, and wow, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Thank you, Rei. You're right, as usual. It does no good to ruminate on conjectures with no information. Still, I will honor my responsibilities.” “What was it like? Your… our old life?” I ask her. “Us? Early on, very chaotic and turbulent.” She laughs pleasantly. “We met at the Bauer Academy, a school for raising the brightest and most talented. I was a high-ranking, noble-born daughter of the house Francois and you were a very cheeky commoner.” The emphasis she puts on that last part causes a pleasant shiver to run down my body. “The first thing you said to me was that you loved me, and that I should bully you.” She laughs again and the room suddenly feels several degrees warmer. I said that? Oh God, what was wrong with me? It’s not like I didn’t imagine- “Rei, are you still there? Hello?” “yES.” Oh, that was too squeaky. I cough. “

31_3

I’m still here. Sorry.” “Rei…” She slowly draws out my name in a husky voice. I shiver again. “Yes…?” I hold the phone close to my ear. “Would you like it if I teased you?” Her voice is so low and smooth. I huddle up into a ball and press my face into my pillow. I feel like I am about to explode. “Yes.” The sound that comes out of my mouth is a whimper. Oh God, what am I saying? “ Good girl. ” I can hear her smile as she says it. I let out a groan and Francois-san just laughs. I might have heard Misha telling me to shut up, too. “Rei? Sorry, was that a bit much?” Yes. “No.” Francois-san hums contentedly. I love the way it sounds. God, I’m so fucked. Who am I kidding? I’ve already got it so bad for her. “Well, back to your question….” Oh, that is so unfair. “We went through a lot together, you and I. You taught me so much and saved my life when the revolution came. We became teachers at the Academy, raised two daughters and lived a good life, I would say.” “Daughters?” Oh right, she did say something about that before. Wait, how did we- “Adopted twins. May and Aleah.” The way she says their names, so softly, I can almost imagine her with them. It’s a lot harder to imagine myself, though. “I can’t see myself as a mother.” “You were wonderful, Rei. I couldn't have done it without you.” I wish I could share in her confidence. She yawns. I guess it’s been a long day hasn’t it? “It’s getting late, Francois-san. We should probably get to sleep.” “Aww,” Francois-san pouts. “I’m enjoying this so much, but you are probably right.” She yawns again. “Goodness, fine, you are right, as usual. ” “I liked this too, Francois-san. We’ll do it again soon. Oh, before we go, I wanted to tell you to make sure Achard-san shows you how the alarm on your phone works. You probably have one that will wake you up for classes.. She would know if anyone would.” “I’ll ask her. Thank you, Rei. Good night—I will see you in the morning.” “Good night,” I softly say back to her. I wait on the line until the call ends. God, I feel so restless now. I can’t help but fidget in place, rolling back and forth in my bed— “Wow, you are such a simp,” Misha’s voice comes from across the room. I freeze in place and hazard a glance in her direction. Misha is still working on her paper, eyes only occasionally glance my way. “Enjoy your call, much?” “It’s rude to eavesdrop.” “It’s hard to not hear you when you sqwee so much.” Misha states, deadpan. Wow, rude. Fine. I’ll remember this next time Yu-san is around and you get all sappy and starstruck. It’s late and I will probably have to leave quite a bit earlier to rendezvous with Francois-san tomorrow. I could go to sleep, but maybe I’ll look up prosthetic legs for a bit before I pack it in.

54_1

“Hey.” “Hey.” Misha’s reading something, or typing something on her laptop. Fuck I have some homework I should be doing too. “Sorry about that.” “It’s fine, I was just at a point, I let you know. It was just a long day.” She's not upset at least. “Kay.” “How was your dinner? You good with Claire-san? You two seemed… up and down?” “It’s fine? I don’t… I’m not that bad right? Like I’m sure Rae didn’t have any problems doing it, but it’s not like…?” “ Rei ?” “That other me. The one Claire remembers.” The better one . “Oh… That .” She wants to say something but holds it back and goes for something else. “I mean you did skip a school day once to play a game when it was released.” “Oh my god was that game not worth it. I can’t even remember what it was about anymore. Mom got so mad at me for it too.” “Yah, cause it was stupid.” Judgey. “But like…” I don't know… “Rei, sometimes you are really bad at it. There were so many times you would show up at school like a zombie because you were either binging some fic, playing a game or what I assume was writing your own fics.” “But that’s like the only way I can get everything done.” “It’s not healthy, Claire is right. You're not mad at her for pointing it out are you?” “No!... I just… I wasn’t expecting to get told off for it… and like… I felt like a... disappointment. Or something.” Misha takes a breath, closes her laptop and turns to face me properly. “It didn’t sound like that to me, did she say something like that later? It really sounded like she just wants you to not drop dead cause you forgot to eat.” “She didn’t but… like there is something she isn’t telling. I can feel it, it’s about Rae, the other Rae. I feel like she keeps… like I’m not anything like her. That Rae saved the world or something, saved her from dying in a revolution and here I am forgetting to eat because I got too caught up in holding her hand?” Misha quirks her brow. “Has she been comparing you to her?” “Not directly… but she thinks I can do things, or I’m better at things than I really am. Like she thinks I can cook, and she keeps wanting to read my writing.” “So… let her read it. And tell her you can’t cook?” “But then… I can’t cook?” I need to? Come on Misha, don’t look at me like that. “Yah, because you can’t, Christ Rei. She’s not stupid, she can’t really think you can do all the things that her version did right? And like, if she does, she’s in the wrong.” “But… I don’t want to ruin this, I don’t know how to say… and like what if I say I can’t do this one thing. And then it’s another, and another, another, another and then she doesn’t even think I’m Rae anymore and I can’t be with her and then I lose…” She’s going to realize… An arm wraps around my shoulder, I didn’t even notice Misha get up. It’s an awkward hug, pretty typical for her, but it’s nice. She pulls back after a bit, she probably counted the time in her head. “Look, if that’s true, she’s wrong and you can do better. I think you need to tell her, it’s probably going to be fine. And I mean it. It’s freaky how well she knows you Rei, but she can’t read your mind. And the more you keep not bringing it up, the more it’s going to catch her off guard. She really does seem like she wants what’s best for you.” I take a deep breath. “It’s hard. I… you how stupid I can be but she…” “She probably also knows Rei, come on. There’s no way this other you wasn’t also stupid.” Rude. And she hasn't been listening to Claire either. “This has really been eating you up hasn’t it? Getting you to talk about Misaki was like pulling teeth. But this…” “Well Misaki is gone.” It’s too quiet. Why did I say that? Like that. He’s gone. I just wanted… “She’s not going to leave you.” “You don’t know that!” “ Rei, Breathe.” “Don’f fucking patro-” “Shut up and breathe you idiot.” She snaps. I inhale. “Now exhale.” “Mi-” “I said exhale.” In Out In Out “Good.” “You suck.” “Keep breathing.” Fine. I was breathing fine . “You were like this last year too, you know. Snippy. I know it’s coming up and honestly you have not had much time for yourself. You leave early, come back late. You’re always with Claire-san.” “I want to be!” “Okay, but what about yourself? I don't think she would be happy if she knew how much you are stretching yourself thin.” “But we don’t do that much over the weekend.” “Sorta, but you're still fretting over her all the time. And it’s been almost two months of it now.” That can’t be right. There has to have been at least one weekend… “See? I’m right.” “Fine.” Why is everyone else always right? “And your wound up, and whatever it is you’re not talking to her about it.” “I just want to be her Rae .” Misha sighs. “Rei, look. This is weird, like I don't know how else to put it. But it feels fucked that you think you have to measure up to yourself . A version of yourself that was older right? Like she lived a whole life with Claire-san? You’re not being fair to yourself.” “Fair doesn’t matter. She loved her .” “And you think she doesn’t love you…?” “I’m not her.” “God we are going around in circles.” She sighs and shakes her head. “Look, two things. You need to find some closure with Misaki, it’s still eating you up and you really need to talk about it. Two, you need to relax about Claire. Just have some faith in her, you’re really bad at talking about yourself but you're not great at hiding that something is bugging you. She’s not an idiot, and… I think she is just trying to help us.” “Us…? What did she say to you?” “It’s not important.” That was curt. “Oh that is such bullshit, she said something to you. About me, didn't she?” She gives me such a dead stare. Don't pretend I'm wrong. “God Rei, are you listening to yourself? It wasn’t about you, christ. Look… I can’t tell you-” “Won't tell me.” “Look it was fucking about me okay!” She snaps. “Huh?” “You think I fucking believed it from what you told me? She told me something that there was no way she should have known, and there is no fucking way you knew either. So yes, she told me stuff but that stuff isn’t fucking about you so get the fuck out your head.” She takes a few heavy breaths… I almost never see her like this. She finally takes a final deep breath and her breathing mellows out. “Sorry… umm… you're right. I’m just…” “Rei, I get it, just… you’re going to have to trust her at some point.” “I do-” “Sshh! Let me finish! Trusting her doesn’t just mean believing her. Trusting her means talking to her, being open. Letting her know.” “Okay… I’ll try to think about it.” I just need to figure it out. Misha nods, and returns to her bed. “Hey, we cool?” I have to ask, Misha almost never snaps, She raises her brow, “Of course.” “Cool.” Thank god. I hop on my bed. She’s right . I know. But the idea of telling Claire… It's terrifying. I am terrified that I won’t measure up. Fuck. Being honest about it isn’t really making it easier to deal with. Get out of your head. Breathe. Okay. I need to relax. Unwind. Not obsess. Claire’s reading PrayLove right? Maybe I can read that too? You're obsessing over her again. Fuck. I’m still going to do it. But not because of Claire. Liar. It’s been a while since I read it. And Maybe I need to open my doc and write a bit more of Lady Shouko’s Lover . Just not think. Zen out. Just don’t think about it. Easy. “Hey Misha.” She hums. “You really don’t want to tell me what Claire said to you?” No answer. “I bet I could guess.” Still no answer. “I bet… it was about Yu.” She gives me a sideways glance. Getting hotter. “I think I might have figured it out already . It sounds like you and Yu hooked up.” She’s staring at me. It feels quiet, like I’m the only thing making any sound in the room. It’s a bit scary, but honestly I don’t think I can help myself now. “She tried to hide it but sounds like you two are soulmates .” “Had me worried there for a second. Guess she did manage to not ruin that yet.” She turns back to her work. She’s bluffing.

54_2

“Aww come on, there is def something going on between you two.” She doesn’t look back. “Look I appreciate that you are trying to distract yourself, but I’m not telling you anything.” “Something is going on with you and Yu though. Like come on, even before Claire showed up it was super obv. Like what are you two waiting for?” She sighs. “God, I have no idea where to begin.” She starts counting down on her hand. “I guess for starters you are second only to Yu at being miserable about talking about yourself and your problems, and there's this whole bullshit with his-their family. Yu is expected to marry some girl, their dad is an associate or some BS with her dad, some stupid right winger dipshit policial, Lilium? God he sounded miserable when we looked it up. And even if that wasn’t around, I’m such a bad… fit. Like my dad used to work for Bauer-sama and he did not leave on the best terms. I know this is bullshit, but form their view I’m way too mundane to even entertain the idea.” “Okay, so Yu’s family sucks… like that’s not new.” She sighs again. “Their brothers are mostly okay.” “Rod seems full of himself.” Can’t believe he was trying to hit on me before still. She shakes her head. “Okay, Rod is kinda full of himself, but he’s not the worst . Like he could be a lot worse, he’s just got a big head I think, and honestly I think he struggles just feeling like… normal? I don’t know, Yu has opinions. Thane is probably the most well adjusted of them, just seems quiet. He’s pretty introverted but I think he’s pretty nice overall. Thoughtful.” “He seemed nice-ish the few times I talked to him, even if it was a bit stunted. But like, so what if his parents don’t approve?” This is stupid, they should just go for it already. “Yu cares.” Misha says it like that’s all there is that needs to be said. “You like him? What about what you want?” She sighs again, “I don’t know… it just feels like it’s getting more and more complicated. I want Yu to be happy but… I don’t know what that means yet.” She slumps. I know that feeling. A lot . “Mood.” There is just a hum from her in return. Fuck… I was supposed to be distracting myself, great job Rei. Again. “Yah, well at least your girl knows what she wants.” Yeah… Rae.

24

Wow, it’s been a long day, Claire has been pushing her studying a lot since her first test came in. I want to help her as much as I can, but it has been a long day. Fuck… I am beat. If only Claire was the one doing the beating. Oh. God. The intrusive thoughts are just getting worse. I guess that’s fine. I’m probably just tired, the lights are out and I just want to zone out. But I feel my phone buzz next to me. It buzzes again. Claire doesn’t usually text me quite so late… but I need to check in case it is her. Hey, where have you been, it’s been a while since I heard anything from you. Did you die? Oh it’s Shiko, now I feel guilty, I wasn’t trying to ignore her but… like a lot has happened. I’m alive, sorry uni has been very busy Fair Fair, you still have time to update your fic? You usually have something up by now. Oh jeez, My lady Shouko fic… wow I haven’t even had time to think about it. Do… I… Oh god I think I don’t care? Okay okay. I don't not care anymore… I just… I still want to finish it I think! But I don’t want to cut into my time with Claire, she needs me! Oh, yah I guess ?? It’s been busy Sure, but even during exams weeks you manage to stick to your schedule, did you finally get tired of PrayLove? Nonono, not really idk its weird stuff just happened What stuff Idk … Dont … me … Shiko… Did you…? Did I what? You know ;) Fuck you did I dont’ know what you are talking about Holy fuck Yes you do, don’t lie to me Who is it? Dont hold out on me oohashi! It’s a girl in my class Fuck yes who is it? It might be the one I was crushing on Are you fucking serious, didn’t you say she was like a model or something? How the fuck did you manage that? I dont know I need picture Fine but you can’t share it There is a thumbs up emoji, I take a breath and find one of the photos from our… date. Oh god I was on a date with Claire… What the fuck there is no way where did you find this? I groan, and send her a second picture, this time with me included, wow I look nervous here, but at least Claire looks happy and gorgeous… Holy fuck W How? Srsly how did you do it? IDK It wouldn’t make sense if I told you W Getting a girlfriend is a good reason to forgot about a fic Wait? she is right? Your not debasing yourself for a straight girl right? we kissed There isn’t any immediate reply, is she done? I was honestly expecting her to say- The phone is ringing, shit I hit the button quickly and bury myself under the blankets and pillows. I don’t want Misha to shout at me. “Shiko! I have a roommate!” “Then why didn’t you just hang up?” God she is smirking, I can hear it. “...What do you want?” God she can be an ass. “You have to tell me if you are fucking with me.” I groan, “I… I’m not, we really…” Oh god, burying myself under everything is not helping with the heat I feel rising throughout. “And you didn’t think to tell me?” “It just happened, we had a date on Sunday.” “Wow, where were you two?” “The zoo by the university.” “Hmmm, couldn’t find an aquarium?” “Oh fuck off.” She laughs on the other end, “So…? How is it?” “Ughhh, wow, real good. I… kissing good. She is so pretty, and so nice, and I can’t believe it’s happening.” “Hey you deserve it.” “Ugh, Thanks, god it doesn’t feel real sometimes, she is really into me for some reason.” “You are cute.” “Shiko…” “Hey you can’t fault me for having good taste. So is this finally the end of Lady Shouko?” “I don’t know, I want to finish it, I have been doing it for what? At least three years? But it’s different now… I… fuck I have never felt like this before, I almost feel like a gremlin when I think about her, and I was always obsessed with PrayLove before but this… this on a completely different level.” “That’s fair… the real stuff kinda trumps the fictional.” “Yeaaah.” “We should hang out, I can rope in Kosaki too, I bet she would want to meet your new girlfriend too.” “Ohh, ohh really? Umm, I-” “Hey, Chill Rei.” “Right, umm maybe, yah sure, I think? Maybe in a few weeks, god I have been so busy and we have plans already for this weekend.” “Sure, sure, lucky you. Just talk to her and see if there is a good time, it’s easy enough to get on the train and meet you there.” “Yeah, I’ll see. I think she would like to meet you.” “Oh, did you tell her about us?” Well technically yes? “Uh sorta, she knows about the… y’know, and also about Misaki.” I can hear her hum, “... yah, his Day is coming up… you going to come out for it?” …“Yes.” Wow, that’s already next month isn’t it? “Good, he would like that.” “Yeah.” “Yah... well you sound tired, and I’m probably not going to sleep for several hours still but I’m not going to keep you up because I am a degen. Don’t forget about me again, and keep me posted, m’kay? “Sure thing Shiko, thanks.” “Night.” “Good night.” The line goes dead and I click the screen off. I pull myself out of the cover I made; the air was getting really stuffy, and it doesn't look like Misha has stirred. Good. Claire meeting Shiko and Kosaki huh? Should I also invite Claire to see Misaki when we go? She knows, it’s not like I would be explaining anything right? I think she would want to come… I’ll ask her later. I should have told Shiko, shouldn't I? Not the whole isekai and memory stuff; that would just sound insane, but I should have mentioned sooner that I have a… Girlfriend . Wow, oh wow. I’m Claire's girlfriend. aaaAAAaaaAAAAaaaAAAAaaaAAAaaaAAaaAAaaAaAaAaAaaaaaa… Fuck I need to sleep.

4_1

I thought the walk back to my dorm would clear my mind a bit but… fdjaslk;fjads;ldlfldajfldaldlkvnloi. What? She called me her wife . She said that we are— were wives. Francois-san was my wife in a past life! She kept calling me Rei…. Rei… Oh God, even just recalling it makes me blush. I need to get this under control before I see Misha. Am I going to tell her? Francois-san said it’s fine… How do I even explain it without sounding crazy? I’m not an idiot for believing her, right? There’s no way she could have known all of that stuff about me, and she does seem like she is genuine. Right? I’m not just rationalizing it ‘cause I want it to be true… God, how did my one college crush turn out like this? This is actually insane. Like, what are we? Actual soulmates? Just being reborn over and over? Together forever…. Oh God, why am I doing this to myself? It’s way too warm and Misha is going to take one look at my face and know something’s up. And then she is going to grill me and I need to not let that happen!. Cool it, Rei! Last week Francois-san didn’t even look my way. She was so haughty and cool, and now she’s so kind. It feels like my emotions have been thrown into a jet engine. And I think she was even teasing me a bit too?! I want her to tease me more — REI! I slap my face, both cheeks. I need to focus. First things first. Either tell Misha everything, or tell her something… or nothing. Nothing is easier, right? She doesn’t need to know right now, after all. Right? Like, maybe I can tell her later when I get myself more under control. Right now I feel like a mess because of Francois-san. Francois-san made a mess of me — STOP! Okay, let's get home first. The room I share with Misha is small, just two beds and a shared desk, cramped but doable. Especially on our budget. Not like Francois-san’s luxurious grand room that would put some entire apartments to shame. Misha is on her bed, busy working away at something on her laptop. She has earbuds in, but pops them out when she notices me. “You’re a bit late.” She states. Something about the way she looks at me makes me feel like I’m being analyzed. I give a laugh, hoping to throw her off and not sound nervous. Not at all. “Yeah, just got caught up in something with a new friend.” Okay, good cover. Not really lying, good start. Misha narrows her gaze. Fuck . “What did you do?” Seriously? “I didn’t do anything! Why are you looking at me like I did something?” “Reeeeeiiii…” Misha just draws out the vowel and doesn’t let up with her withering gaze. Dammit. . “Okay, fine, I was with Francois-san.” God, I can’t believe I caved in already . “Rei…” Misha takes a breath and pinches the top of her nose. “That bitch? Seriously? Rei, you should stay away from her. I don’t care if she’s your silly crush. She’s bad news.” “Hey, that’s not true!” I can’t help but blurt out. “Really? You're just going to hurt yourself, and anyone who's paying attention knows you have no shot. She hasn’t been exactly keeping it a secret that she’s gunning for Thane-san, you know.” I know Misha is just looking out for me, but that doesn’t make this feel any less patronizing. “Well, she thinks I’m her wife .” Which is probably why I just said that. God, this is why I didn’t want to bring this up now. Misha’s jaw drops. Okay, this really wasn’t how this was supposed to go. “ What ?” God, I wish we had AC in this room. “Okay, this is going to sound insane, but she has memories of a past life where we were married and she sorta said that the version of me in that life had memories of my previous life and it sounds like some sorta loop….” God, I’m rambling. Misha’s eyes glaze over pretty quickly, and then she just shakes her head, pops her earbuds back in and turns back to her laptop. “Miiiiishaaaaaa, don’t abandon me!” I dash over to her bed and kneel beside it, shaking her leg. “Christ, Rei, do you even hear yourself? You’re a lost cause.” She tries to pull her leg away. “Misha, it’s true.” “Bullshit.” “She knew things, Misha.” Misha’s eyes narrow again. “So she’s stalking you too? Rei, she’s playing you. Get away from her—she’s just setting you up for some sort of cruel joke. Or worse.” “She couldn’t have known about this stuff. You weren't there.” Misha just stares, waiting for an answer. God, if I had just held it together and kept this all to myself for at least one night. ONE NIGHT. I take a deep breath. “She knew about Misaki.” “So? She probably just found some articles. Suicides make the news.” Misha tries to sound nonchalant but I can see she doesn't like the direction this conversation is going. “She didn’t just know about the suicide. She knew why he did it.” I have to take a hard swallow. God, today has made a mess of my feelings. Misha stares at the wall for a moment. Then she sighs and closes her laptop, pushing it to the side and storing her earbuds. “Explain.” “She said our past life took place in, like, a different world, and I found her there and we got married. In that life I think I had memories from this life, or some version of this life? She told me I told her about my previous life, and that's how she knew all these things about me. She knew about that awkward love square from middle school and she knew that Misaki was trans and that's why he… she even called him him . Only a few of us knew about that, and you're the only person I talked to about this. She just knew , it was like we had talked about it so many times already…I…” “You’re being serious.” It’s not a question so much as reluctant acceptance. “Yes, trust me, I know it sounds insane but I don’t have any other way to explain it. She doesn’t remember anything from this life. She didn’t even know what a phone was.” “Oh Christ, Rei, are you sure? Are you sure you aren’t both just… I don’t know, is it amnesia or something?” Misha sounds like she is trying to come up with some rational explanation, but I can see she’s just grasping at straws. “She didn’t know about phones?” “Yeah, I’m telling you, she has no idea about technology. I had to get directions from her roommate to get her home, and even her roommate seemed to believe her explanation after she talked to her. And they know each other well. Francois-san is like a completely different person. We were working on a plan to get her up to speed.” “Wait, we ?” “...yeah?” Wait, why does Misha look disappointed in me? “Rei….” … “Rei!” “ What ?” I huff. “She isn’t your responsibility! This is insane—you can’t be the one to fix this, it’s way too big. She needs to go home and get tutoring or something.” “And what, completely derail her life?” And worse, leave me behind right when I finally have a chance? I can make this work. “Rei, her life is already derailed. How is she supposed to get anything done? Classes? Homework? Hell, how is she even going to act normal around people? Her social life is going to be thrown out the window, and she was quite the little socialite despite being such a bitch.” “Hey! She remembers some people from her past life! She still knew her roommate. She remembers you, too.” Misha pinches her nose again, “Are you telling me we all knew each other in our past lives?” “I think so? I don’t know who else she knows from back then. It seemed like some stuff sorta lined up for her. She mentioned an accident… and okay, I don’t think I should mention too much, but she asked if you were my roommate, by name, and she was relieved when I said you were. She even said I could tell you about this if I thought it was a good idea. She trusts you.” “Rei, you know how insane this sounds, right? Even if what she’s saying is all true, you can’t do this by yourself. This is way too much for you to take on.” Misha sounds concerned, but it’s not like I don't understand how big this is. It’s just, who else is going to help Francois-san and not just lock her up until they ‘fix’ her? “Misha, she needs help from someone who won't think she’s crazy. Her roommate is going to help, too. I’m going to go pick her up tomorrow and take her to class. We share quite a few of the same classes. I think we’re both in the business track so there’s a lot of overlap.” “This doesn’t feel like it can work, Rei.” Misha tries one more time.

4_2

“I’m not going to give up on her,” I respond. I’m not sure where the stubbornness comes from, and it seems to surprise Misha as well. Maybe that’s why she just sighs in resignation. “Ok, fine. Save your crush, or wife, or whatev—” Misha pauses as she says that part out loud. “Wait, God, we just skimmed over that and how crazy it sounds. This is worse than those manga you read. She was your wife ?” Does Misha really have to act like that’s the most egregious thing about all of this? “That’s what she said.” Why is it so warm in here? Misha snickers. “Oh wow, and let me guess. She still loves you?” I try to glare at Misha but she just stops holding back and lets herself laugh until she’s doubled over. This is violence, Misha. How are you my best friend? “Miiishaaa, pleeeease.” She eventually settles down and wipes her eyes, a smirk still on her face. “So you finally got yourself a girlfriend?” “Oh, laugh it up. I see how you get around Yu-san.” She has no business making fun of me when she’s just as bad. “Answer the question, otaku.” “Fine! She said she’ill wait ‘till I’m ready.” Misha snickers viciously again. “How much more ready do you need to be? You literally haven’t been able to shut up about her.” Misha sits up and puts her hands together like she’s praying. “Oh Misha, how can Francois-san look so perfect and pristine? It’s like she’s a princess from a fairy tale, or even better, the evil queen. Sure she can be so cool, proper and detached, but that glare of hers says that she wants to step on her unworthy minions, I just know it I’ll bet she has a hidden fiery side if only—” Thwak! I hit her square in the face with one of the pillows from her bed, knocking her down. I ready the pillow for another strike if needed, but Misha just smirks and doesn’t say anything, as though she’s already won. Damn her. I let out a huffy sigh and get up from her bed to sit down on my own. “Let me know if any other crazy things start happening. Otherwise I have a paper to finish.” Misha disappears back into her laptop and earbuds, though she does give the occasional glance my way. I fall back into my bed and let my bag fall on the floor. Before real thoughts can percolate into my consciousness I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. Oh, Francois-san sent me a text. Never mind, she sent a letter. Hello Rei, I hope this finds you well and you made it to your abode safely. I must thank you again for taking the time to help me as you have. I’m very grateful that you listened to me and took me at my word. I would have been lost without the help you have given me thus far, and for the further help you have offered in the coming days. I hope one day I can make this all up to you tenfold and I am sorry if I may have made you uncomfortable with the implication I made about our previous lives together. I understand and will respect your wishes if you do not want to pursue such a relationship, but I will not lie either. I do hope I can share this love with you once again, and you will always hold a place in my heart regardless. Sincerely yours, Claire Francois. I need to crack open a window. I can hear Misha snicker at me, again. Dammit, I’m blushing. Great. Laugh it up Misha, I’ll remember this. Hi Francois-san, Thks np Sorry, I mean thanks, no problem. texting is pretty informal and we tend to shorten words a lot Thks is thanks. I will try to avoid using abbreviations too much, but just ask if something comes up that you don’t understand We use acronyms a lot too, like imo is in my opinion, but just text however works for you. oh but maybe avoid sounding too formal with people who don’t know. You can probably even see some of your old texts to get an idea about how you used to text. And I’m not uncomfortable About a relationship With you I mean It's just that a lot happened in the last 8 hours and I don't want to move too fast. And I’m not out. I don’t think you were either. (being out means being open about being queer) sorry, I’m rambling, and I can see you are trying to type something back. I’ll pause Now Sorry, I am quite slow at this and you are very fast. It's a thing you get better at over time Thank you for your patience, Rei. I might have had to stop and rewrite my sentences several times. Lol Lol = laugh out loud I see. This feels more like a conversation than I thought it would be. It’s a pleasant ability to have. That said, I would like to try to call you if that is all right with you . Of course It doesn’t take too long for my phone to ring. I quickly hit accept. “Hello?” I try to say it clearly for her. “Hello!” Francois-san sounds very proud of herself. Oh God, it’s adorable . She must be beaming on the other end. “Thank you again, Rei. Phones are incredible. Are you sure this isn’t magic?” I laugh. “Yes, it’s not magic. I don’t think I could explain it very well right now. It’s very complicated how they work, but it’s just a machine. How are you settling in?” “Excited, also a bit nervous, but otherwise well, I think. Catherine was showing me a few other things before I wrote to you. Did you know about TVs? She also showed me her computer laptop. Apparently I have one as well.” I curl up in bed while listening to her voice. Something about this feels right. Just a day ago it was wishful thinking to imagine I could ever even talk to her. While this is pretty different from what I imagined, in many ways this side of her feels right. Like I was right about her all along. “Yes, TV’s are everywhere, and most students have a laptop. They’re very useful. We can get into it tomorrow after classes.” Francois-san hums in agreement on the other end, “Rei, I have a question.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “Are you still able to hear me?” “Ah, yeah. Though if you’re trying to not be heard you could try pocketing your hand over your mouth and phone. Or just leave the room. What’s up, are you okay?” “Oh, yes.” It still sounds like she’s trying to whisper but her voice is coming through a little bit clearer now. “I just would like it if Catherine didn’t overhear this. You may have heard when she talked about how I am to blame for the state of her prosthetic leg. It got damaged a bit at some point and it seems to be a pain to use but I don’t know how to go about replacing it. I would suggest repairing it, but she said it’s cheap and was poor quality to begin with. I think I have the monetary means to get her a better one but well, as you have seen, I am quite ignorant about how anything works here.” “Oh yeah, we can look into that. I think at some point you’ll need to let her know though, so she can get it fitted properly. But that sounds like something we should look into soon. I’m sure she would appreciate it.” “Thanks, Rei. I’m getting the sense the other me was… well, probably insecure and immature in the ways I was before I met you. And she probably made some poor choices. I would like to remedy those if I can.” Francois-san doesn’t sound ashamed, but there’s a sympathetic sort of softness to her voice. A sense of responsibility, even if she herself isn’t to blame. “I did steal her life, in a way.” “That’s quite a big assumption,” I can’t help but retort. “We don’t know exactly what’s happening, but from what you said it sounds like we might be reliving our lives over and over again? Maybe something just slid in a little wrong when you got here, and your other memories will come back in time. Maybe this version of you was just dormant this whole time.” I’m rambling again. Francois-san just chuckles, and wow, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. “Thank you, Rei. You're right, as usual. It does no good to ruminate on conjectures with no information. Still, I will honor my responsibilities.” “What was it like? Your… our old life?” I ask her. “Us? Early on, very chaotic and turbulent.” She laughs pleasantly. “We met at the Bauer Academy, a school for raising the brightest and most talented. I was a high-ranking, noble-born daughter of the house Francois and you were a very cheeky commoner.” The emphasis she puts on that last part causes a pleasant shiver to run down my body. “The first thing you said to me was that you loved me, and that I should bully you.” She laughs again and the room suddenly feels several degrees warmer. I said that? Oh God, what was wrong with me? It’s not like I didn’t imagine- “Rei, are you still there? Hello?” “yES.” Oh, that was too squeaky. I cough. “

4_3

I’m still here. Sorry.” “Rei…” She slowly draws out my name in a husky voice. I shiver again. “Yes…?” I hold the phone close to my ear. “Would you like it if I teased you?” Her voice is so low and smooth. I huddle up into a ball and press my face into my pillow. I feel like I am about to explode. “Yes.” The sound that comes out of my mouth is a whimper. Oh God, what am I saying? “ Good girl. ” I can hear her smile as she says it. I let out a groan and Francois-san just laughs. I might have heard Misha telling me to shut up, too. “Rei? Sorry, was that a bit much?” Yes. “No.” Francois-san hums contentedly. I love the way it sounds. God, I’m so fucked. Who am I kidding? I’ve already got it so bad for her. “Well, back to your question….” Oh, that is so unfair. “We went through a lot together, you and I. You taught me so much and saved my life when the revolution came. We became teachers at the Academy, raised two daughters and lived a good life, I would say.” “Daughters?” Oh right, she did say something about that before. Wait, how did we- “Adopted twins. May and Aleah.” The way she says their names, so softly, I can almost imagine her with them. It’s a lot harder to imagine myself, though. “I can’t see myself as a mother.” “You were wonderful, Rei. I couldn't have done it without you.” I wish I could share in her confidence. She yawns. I guess it’s been a long day hasn’t it? “It’s getting late, Francois-san. We should probably get to sleep.” “Aww,” Francois-san pouts. “I’m enjoying this so much, but you are probably right.” She yawns again. “Goodness, fine, you are right, as usual. ” “I liked this too, Francois-san. We’ll do it again soon. Oh, before we go, I wanted to tell you to make sure Achard-san shows you how the alarm on your phone works. You probably have one that will wake you up for classes.. She would know if anyone would.” “I’ll ask her. Thank you, Rei. Good night—I will see you in the morning.” “Good night,” I softly say back to her. I wait on the line until the call ends. God, I feel so restless now. I can’t help but fidget in place, rolling back and forth in my bed— “Wow, you are such a simp,” Misha’s voice comes from across the room. I freeze in place and hazard a glance in her direction. Misha is still working on her paper, eyes only occasionally glance my way. “Enjoy your call, much?” “It’s rude to eavesdrop.” “It’s hard to not hear you when you sqwee so much.” Misha states, deadpan. Wow, rude. Fine. I’ll remember this next time Yu-san is around and you get all sappy and starstruck. It’s late and I will probably have to leave quite a bit earlier to rendezvous with Francois-san tomorrow. I could go to sleep, but maybe I’ll look up prosthetic legs for a bit before I pack it in.

51_1

“I think that’s going to have to be it for tonight Claire.” Rae stretches out beside me, we have been sitting on my bed watching another video about history. That was a lot. “I should probably be getting out soon.” I think I can catch just a glimpse of a chain on her neck as she cranes her neck and reaches her arm high and tight. Please be wearing it. “I suppose.” That must sound like pouting, but I hardly want her to leave. Rae’s face scrunches, “I'll be back tomorrow.” She offers. It did sound like pouting. “I’ll be fine.” “You need anything else?” “I can think of one thing.” “Oh?” “Yes.” I grab her by her collar and pull her close, she is surprised initially but grins as I pull our faces close. Not even an inch apart I say, “I want a goodnight kiss.” Her eyes twinkle, and her grin grows, “I might be able to help with that. Maybe .” “Shut up and kiss me you rube.” I push forward and close my lips on hers before she can say anything else silly. Not that I don’t appreciate her wit, but those lips should be kissing me. She quickly falls in step and we move in tandem. I start to pull myself on top of her, resting on her lap and I deepen the kiss more. My tongue seeks out hers and we moan. My hands aren’t idle, and I run them up her body causing her to shiver. With a bit of clarity I run a hand over the back of her nape, searching… yes the chain. She’s wearing it. Perfect. Goodness, that makes me feel giddy. “Ten seconds is the limit while I’m in the room you horn dogs.” Catherine’s voice calls out from across the room. I can't see her, she must be laying on the sofa. Right . Rae breaks away, and looks embarrassed. It was getting good too . “Could you stay the night?” Claire! Rae looks extremely sheepish. “Sorry.” She squeaks out. “No. No I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be asking that sort of thing of you.” “No, but… it’s fine. I need to get going for real though.” She’s deflecting but I’m not going to pressure her either. And she does need to get back and attend to her own matters. Why do you keep doing this to her, Claire? “Yes, of course. Let me know when you make it back safely.” She chuckles, “Of course. I always do.” “Thank you.” We share a smile, there is a part of me that is always greedy for more. More time with her, more contact with her, more of everything. But I cherish every moment we have, without her this would be dreadful. But with her, it’s bliss. I just want to make her happy. We rise and Rae gathers her things and I help her to the door. “Okay, so I think we have one more video to get through and maybe we can like, review after that. Sounds good?” “That sounds perfect. Thank you again.” “Oh, well no problem.” She smiles like a fool. My fool. “Good night Rae.” “Good night Claire.” She stands there awkwardly before the door, and her face scrunches as she contemplates her next action. Without much warning, she darts in and gives me a kiss on the lips. It’s quick and she retreats back, her face is equal parts surprised and pleased. “GOODNIGHTCLAIRE.” She forces out through a cracking voice, and then practically throws herself out the door. I barely have time to register the action and the door falls back shut. “Your wife is a Dork .” Catherine comments from the sofa, still hidden from sight, as usual. “Yes, she is lovely.” “So how’s eastern history treating you?” “Fascinating, complicated. A lot.” “I bet, I’m glad Rae is doing it cause I could not.” “You have done a good job with western history so far I believe.” “Ah, credit to videos more than me, I’d be lost without those honestly. Anyways, fun stuff, we get to do the french revolution next week.” “Oh…” “Yah, it’s much bloodier than yours was. I… guess good job on that?” “Yes, well Rae set so much in motion. Without her, I would probably be dead.” “Yeah… anyways, it’s been what? Like almost two months now?” She asks, it sounds as if she is focusing more on the conversation now. “I believe so, it’s odd how much has become routine now. I wasn’t expecting to… well acclimate so quickly?” “You’ve done a pretty good job I’d say.” “There's still a lot to go over.” “Yeah, but we have time, and the important thing for now is to make sure you don’t flunk your course.” “I did get an A minus on the last test we had.” Almost perfect . Catherine gives me a thumbs up and sits up. “Great, smooth sailing so far. Man I thought more things would go wrong after Melia found out but so far no one else has clued in on it and you are learning everything you need.” Except for Pepi. “Why are you making that face?” Her eyes narrow. “What face?” “Come on Claire, what did you do?” She's not let this go. “NothiNG” She does not look pleased. Fine. “I told Pepi.” Her face scrunches. “Why?” “She figured out that I didn’t remember things. I had to tell her something.” Catherine sighs. “When did you tell her?” “A few days ago.” “And the fact that I haven’t heard about it till now… is good?” “I think so, like I said, she had divined I didn’t remember our shared past. The question of how we met came up and Loretta really didn’t think too hard of it, but Pepi knew in the moment that something was wrong. And I had to explain, she’s still internalizing everything it means, but I think she took it well. I’m not too worried about it. We talked more since then, I think it’s made the fact I changed so much more palatable.” Catherine starts to relax. “So… you’re not worried.” “I wouldn't have told her if I didn’t trust her.” “Okay… well, she is your friend.” “And I knew her nearly our whole life.” Catherine nods, “That’s still a really weird thing to think about. Have you heard anything from Melia yet about… y’know, anything?” “Not much, we have had a few messages and we are planning to get together but… Mother is really busy. Sometimes it takes her a while to respond.” Catherine nods her head, “Yeah, Melia deals with a lot, honestly I can’t even imagine what she has to deal with. Francois is a lot to deal with.” “The business?” “Yah.” “What… is it exactly?” Catherine makes a face, her brow goes high and eyes wide, “God, like I don’t really know how to condense that. It’s a luxury brand, I think way back it was stuff like clothes and fashion but in modern age it branched out more. It’s been your family's for a long time with your dad, but now your mom runs it cause… well you know . Anyways your mom’s been trying to reform it… like it’s got roots… god this is complicated, a lot of colonization stuff. She could explain it better than me, I’m sure she would like to tell you.” “We have much to catch up on. So it grew on exploitation?” It hasn't been surprising to learn of all the unsavory bits of history. Nor our part in it. “Yeah, I think your mom’s done a lot to be accountable, it’s been a long project that she started with your dad.” “I think she always brought out the best in him, even when she was gone.” “What… what was he like?” It's a delicate question. “Very principled, he said Mother revealed the faults of nobility, and he couldn’t abide by it any longer. He worked for a long time to reform our country too. He did a lot to stoke rebellion from behind the scenes, and after our revolution he helped reform the country so all people were equal under the law. He had a soft side too, he was always quick to spoil me, and then our girls.” I can’t help but smile, “He was very good at picking out the right person. He trusted Rae, and I will always be thankful we were all a family together.” “Don’t get too sappy on me, kay?” Catherine smirks and leans over the back of the sofa. “Fine. How have you been? I hope we haven’t been too much to deal with.” “It’s fine, as long as I don’t have to watch you to make out. Seriously, I mean it, please don’t do it with me in the room.” I know, she's always been averse to those sorts of… tendencies. It's hard to stop myself though. “I have self control… it's just sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the moment.” “ Sure .” “You can’t be upset that I want to kiss my own wife?” “You can kiss, it’s when you start trading saliva and are trying to eat her that I draw the line. Seriously, you're so thirsty.” Her brow arches. “I can control myself.” “ Sure. ” I don’t need this. A little laugh escapes me. “Fine. I’m going to do some more reading for fun.” “Oh… didn’t

51_2

you finish that manga… dungeon something?” “Dungeon Meshi. And Yes. You should read my copy.” Her face goes flat. “...No” “Your loss.” “What are you reading now?” I find the book and pluck the first entry. “Pray Love, or more accurately, ‘Between Prayer and Love’, Rae just always called it Pray Love.” “Okay…?” She raises her brow again, “Why are you reading that?” “Rae likes it, and if I read it I can read the stories she wrote herself based on it… her fan fiction.” “You’re going to read your girlfriend's fics?” She's barely holding a smirk back. “Of course.” “I’m surprised she shared those with you.” “Well…” “ Claire …” She extends her hand, palm face up and open. “She told me all about them in our other life. I already know a lot about them.” “How did you even find them?” “Her friend Shiko sent me the address to the internet pages she published them on. And her Tumblr .” Catherine snorts through her nose, “Oh god did you go through her tumblr?” “I tried… it’s confusing. Even by Rae’s standards. I don’t understand so much of what I’m reading. There is so much slang and abbreviations, and it has a lot of her chaotic energy. I do adore it.” “Did you make a tumblr account?” “Oh… I could do that couldn’t I? I was just looking at hers. I think she has been using it less as of late. If I’m understanding the dates correctly. I think I found an entry about me before we talked.” This feels like such a delightful secret to share. Catherine does not share in my enthusiasm. “Do I even want to know?” “Give me a moment, I can find it.” I grab my phone and quickly trace me back through the page. Thankfully it’s not far in. I clear my throat. “ Have you ever seen a girl, and just been like wow. She could kill me and that would be fu-... hot. Like she could hit me and I would say please, you missed a spot. God she’s so unreal when she walks around and radiates such a… sorry that is another curse, around energy and find out, but like I bet, no I know that she needs someone to love her. I could make her happy if I wasn’t chicken sh- ugh, but chances are she would make me worse. I would die happy either way . And then there are a few addition notes below, each with a pound sign- “Hashtag.” “Right, well I’m still learning. Anyways, Hashtag , It’s never going to happen. it could happen though. I would die if she talked to me honestly. She was too pretty. I have no chance. I would be happy to just be her footstool. God I wish I could actually talk to her though. I’m just going to simp in the shadows. My tsundere queen. ” “Huh… wow. That’s… embarrassing .” “It’s cute .” “Look I know you’re real down for whatever it is that Rae is… but… I think you should ask her before you really go looking through that sort of stuff. Like she doesn't know right?” She almost sounds disappointed. “...No.” “It’s like you are reading through her diary.” “I… but isn’t this available for anyone to see?” “Yes, but it’s not like someone could figure out who she is right? It’s anonymous. She doesn't want people to know it’s her right?” “Her tumblr name is ‘bad woman make brain go brr’.” “ Wow .” Catherine! “It’s adorable .” “God you are just as stupid as her, Whatever. I’m not trying to judge her, really. But I really don’t think she would be happy about you reading all this.” She’s not wrong. That does sit uneasy in my stomach. It has felt like a diary in some parts, and I would have dreaded it if Rae read mine before I was ready to share. “No… you’re right. I got caught up in the idea. And when Shiko shared it before… I didn’t think.” “I mean you don’t know how a lot of things are right? Like just ask her, and don’t look more till then?” “Yes you're right about that, I’ll hold off. It’s not like I lack for other things to do either. And I do want to read Pray Love, it was the impetus for all this in the first place. And maybe Rae will be more willing after that. I really do want to read her writing. But she seems scared to share it.” “Yah… well I don’t know what to tell you.” “I just… it would be too much. It’s hard to… pace myself with her.” “I noticed… you really do like her.” “Of course.” “Yah, I just… I’ve never seen you like this.” “I wish I could have… well whatever it was, sooner.” “It’s not your fault… and it’s fine, honestly. Maybe all it took was you seeing her again. This is good, I like how things are now. You’re happy and it’s not tense anymore. I don’t feel like I’m on edge anymore around you.” “I’m sorry that it was like that.” Catherine waves a hand to dismiss the need for my apology. “Please, it’s not really your fault. Anyways I just want whatever this freaky little romance you are wrapped in is, I want it to work out for both of you. And Rae’s not always on the same page as you.” “I wish she would talk to me more.” “Sure, but you've known her for years, right? Decades. She’s known you for just two months now.” She’s right. “You’re right. I can’t believe you are still giving me advice on how to deal with Rae.” “Still?” “Yes.” A little chuckle escapes, “Goodness, when our positions were switched, she was so much to deal with. She had no qualms yelling how much she loved me in front of everyone and everything. I didn’t know what to make of it, and I’m glad I had at least you to talk to about it.” “I’m glad you’re here Claire.” “Me too.” I lean down to the sofa and give her a hug. She feels a bit stiff. A tenuous tap on my back, “That’s all you're getting.” “I know, that’s fine. I’m going to get ready for bed.” I let her go and despite her awkwardness she looks content with a small smile. “Sure, I’ma going do the same.” I quickly change into night attire, brush my teeth and soon I am in bed. A soft buzz from my phone, it’s Rae. I have traversed the treacherous evening and returned home safely. Lol Huh That’s not a full sentence, and that’s a abbreviation? Acronym I wanted to try it out. Laugh out loud, correct? Yes… are you really Claire? Lol Catherine? Did you steal her phone? It's me you goof. Surely it’s not that odd that I want to try to adjust my vernacular? When in Rome, right? I said that correctly, right? Lmao, yah you got it. Good pull. Of course, this is me we are talking about. :) For wat its worth i like the way you text. It feels very you Thank you dear, I care more about not standing out too much around others more than anything else. Catherine does say that I text like an old lady. It’s totes adorbs Thank you, don’t worry. I doubt I will be able to completely shift my habits when it comes to writing. I do have my standards. I do have a slight confession. That sounds maybe a little ominous Not really Okay maybe a little Ummm Did I so something? I can fix thi what id I do? Please wait Sry Thank you, sorry. I should have finished my thought before sending that last message, I’m still much slower at this than you. I wanted to say I picked up more reading material aside from Dungeon Meshi. And since I finished Dungeon Meshi last week I wanted to start it up. I got the first two novels for Pray Love. There is a pause, did she walk away…? No she wouldn't. She’s thinking too much about this. I can feel it. Rei, is that okay? yes sryy totally why? Because I wanted to read it too. You said it was a favorite of yours. umm yah Is it okay If I read it? I can’t tell you not to read it However? sry this I wasn’t expecting this like it caught me offguard. Yes read it Are you certain? yes, umm, let me know what you think. And like it’s not really the best thing in the world. like I don’t mean don’t read it just like it is it’s okay I probably made it sound way better than it was You actually complained about it a fair bit. That was your main impetus for why you wrote your prose for it. Oh I yah that kinda tracks I really enjoyed reading Dungeon Meshi and talking to you about it. And even if I don’t like this; which I doubt will be the case, but even if so I still would want to talk to you about it. Okay? Yes im like 2 parts really excited and 1 part really nervous I hope you like it claire I have a feel

51_3

ing I will enjoy it, you never steered me wrong with reading suggestions before. <3 Good night Rei. night Claire With that I settle into bed and crack open the book. I can’t believe I can finally read this, after everything Rae has told me about it, about her personal fictions based on it. Her first one exploring a different conclusion, Praying for a Better Ending. Her delicious one, Lady Shouko’s Lover . I still remember the first night we tried out those fantasies. She looks so delectable in a collar and nothing else. Writhing as I press into her, twisting and squirming. Equal parts pain and delight. And this time I can be the one to walk her through it. How tantalizing. It starts off simple enough, the main protagonist has been accepted into a prestigious catholic school, a religion remarkably similar to the Spirit Church from Bauer. The protagonist is a devout follower but quickly her faith and preconceptions come into question as she realizes she has feelings for her upperclassman, Lady Shouku. Romantic feelings. Those feelings and faith are like water and oil. I read through the first few chapters, the prose is a bit dry if I am being honest but the characters are excellent. I can see bits of Rae in the main character, she’s enthusiastic like her, and at the same time has trouble being honest. She struggles with what she wants and what she thinks she should do. A very familiar problem, and one I haven’t avoided either. Lady Shouko is almost exactly like I envisioned her, and then nothing like it. She is cool, detached, distant and seems cruel so far. I expect there is more to her, just given on what Rae has told me, and she feels so familiar. The duty of station and family weighs heavily on her it seems, it’s hard not to see elements of my younger self in her. She is cruel to the protagonist initially, but somehow that only seems to draw her in more. The first cracks on Shouko’s visage chip away at a tea party. Every girl was to bring their own desert, and the protagonist made crème brûlée. Oh goodness I miss her crème brûlée. The chapter ends with them talking, the first few sparks of a budding romance bounce between them. It’s delightfully cute. But now I’m left with a deep craving for crème brûlée. Rae said she doesn’t have the ingredients to make it. I could remedy that, couldn't I? I could. I can . It doesn't take much to fetch my phone. Lene, apologies for messaging so late, but would you be able to gather everything I would need to make crème brûlée from scratch for myself. All the ingredients and tools we would need, aside from the oven. No rush is required. I would greatly appreciate it, and let me know whenever it is convenient for yourself. Thank you. The message is sent and already the anticipation is building. This has always been her favorite confection to make, she always cooks to wind down and she really could use it lately. To zen out , as she used to say. She needs it… and I won't lie, I really miss her treats. Oh, this will be delicious .

37_1

Mother believes me. Or she at least believes that I’m not lying. I think. Gracious, why did it have to happen right now… “So…” It’s Manaria, I… what is she doing here? “Ravaging?” Oh fantastic… She heard that too. She has her usual smile, mischievous. This feels like the first time it's been directed at me … Rae might have had a point about her… “Yes. She is my wi-girlfriend.” “Reeeeally…? Well she is pretty cute. “She rubs her chin as she looks at the door… “She’s mine.” The curt declaration causes her to laugh, “Ohhhh? Well, university has certainly been treating you well.” “I suppose it has… how long has it been Manaria, since we talked?” “Hrmmm, I don’t know a few years, but I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You never seemed like you were paying attention before.” She finishes the statement by observing her nails, I don't like being on this end of it. “Well, like you said. University has been good to me.” I don’t need to make this more of a mess than it already is by letting something slip around her too. “I’ll say, all it took was you getting the stick out of your ass and start kissing girls.” She laughs. She’s not wrong. Just one girl though . “So how’d that happen? Hmmm?” “I told her I love her, and then we started dating.” “That’s it?” “Yes.” “Come now Claire, where’s the fun in that?” I can’t help but sigh. “Manaria, please… I wasn’t expecting any of this, can I just tell you later. What are you even doing here? I thought… Mother was away… and then she shows up with you in tow.” “Fair, Fair. Well If you must know I might have been in a similar predicament, I was caught ravaging poor defenseless ladies and then your Mother allowed me tag along to avoid the paparazzi.” She makes a mocking performance of putting her hand to her head, like a fainting lady in waiting. Pa-pa-what? Hmm, I suppose this must be similar to the scandal she went through before coming to the academy. “You don’t seem surprised.” She comments. “I don’t think it’s anything to make a fuss over.” She smirks, “I suppose not, not when you are also ravaging poor defenseless girls.” “I… I’m not taking advantage of her.” She raises her brow. “I didn't mean to say you were either.” “Hmm, and how would you know that?” I know that tone, she is being cruel to herself. “Do you think you were?” “Who's to say?” There she goes, deflecting… “Manaria, I really don’t have the patience to play-” I am interrupted as the door swings open. Mother is there, she looks… tired. “Manaria, I’m sorry but I need to talk some more with Claire, and I expect it will take a… while. Can you go down and have Lene take you back to the apartment?” “Oh, trying to get rid of me already?” Mother sighs, “Manaria, that's not the case. Something came up… that is complicated and I need to sort through this now. I’m sorry it worked out this way and I didn’t want to send you home alone. It seems none of us were expecting all these surprises this morning.” Manaria drops the aloofness finally, she looks curious enough to ask but must decide it's not worth it. “Well I suppose a choice between that and standing out here alone is not much of a choice. I’ll see you later.” “Let Lene know I will contact her when I know I am ready for her.” “Will do.” “Oh, Manaria, sorry if I came off…. Curt. I missed you, we should catch up while you're here.” She looks a little surprised, then smiles, “Don't worry about it. I was being a bit of a shit. Of course. I need someone to show me around Tokyo after.” Oh… well that’s a problem for another day. “Thank you.” “Good, see you later than Manaria, again sorry, please let Lene know if you need anything in the meantime.” Manaria makes a show of a mock bow and then goes down the hall to the elevator. “Please Claire, we have… much to discuss.” Mother motions me back into the room. This feels ominous, does she not believe me? Does she think me a liar? Or worse, does she believe me and want to get rid of me now that I’m not her daughter. Rae and Catherine are sitting on the sofa and both look nervous, at least Rae tries to smile. The door closes and Mother guides me to sit down. “So I understand you have a lack of… an education then?” “Well technically I do, it’s just from a different world.” I’m not uneducated . “And that would mean?” “Her history and general know-how with technology is not there.” Catherine replies. Rae follows up, “Yah but she is still good for all the Math, and she’s better at writing than I am.” “And how has that affected your ability to continue your classes?” “She’s still-” “Oohashi, I am asking my daughter.” Rae shrinks, “It’s fine Rae, It’s been a challenge. For me it’s been a while since I was taking courses myself, but I was a teacher and professor for many years. Rae has been an excellent tutor and has been very diligent in helping me relearn, or well… learn.” “She passed her first test.” Rae chimes in. Mother raises her brow at Rae's second interruption, but makes no further comment at her. “We could hire tutors, you could postpone your education till we-” “I can do this.” “Are you sure ? You don’t know what you don’t know. It’s one thing to cram and pass a test and it’s an entirely another thing to have no context of everything around you. You don’t know technology ?” “Rae has been showing me how to use my phone and-” “Claire, it's much more complicated than using a single device. This world is powered by technology. This world is connected by technology. I can make a decision that could make headlines across the whole world. If I make a comment the whole world could hear about it in seconds. The scandal that Manaria embroiled herself is plastered all over the world even though it should have been a private matter. We came here to Japan to create some privacy for you girls to grow up in but you will be adults soon. What happens next? What will you do when you graduate? What will you do when someone expects an opinion from you? A political one? A social one? Even a simple question about a film. Do you know what the Titanic is? The Roman Empire? The moon landing? The Milky Way? What an atom is?” “I, I…” I have no answers. This is how I'm going to lose it. “Francois-sama, She isn’t a child. And She is incredibly clever!” Rae stand ups. “Clever or not this can’t be ignored!” “I know! We know! But you have to give her a chance to try. You are acting like everyone has perfect knowledge of everything but I had kids in my school who didn’t know what fucking Hiroshima was!” Rae is breathing heavily, a shaky breath she collects herself and continues. “Give her a chance to learn before deciding she can’t do it her way. She can do it! She is smart and aware. She is kind and deeply empathic. She understood Misaki, she knew what that meant. I didn’t tell her anything but she knows. She understands her privilege, your daughter is incredible, you just have to give her a chance to prove it!” Rae’s strong proclamation leaves me feeling fragile, she is always coming to my rescue, she has always been the fist to champion me. “...Rae…” Mother sighs, and looks like she is about to collapse into the sofa. “And you think the best way is that she stays here, keeps doing this?” “I do…” I answer this time. “It has been difficult but I know I can do it. I won't be bested.” And I won't leave my friends and family here. I won't leave Rae. Mother looks surprised, and her eyes get watery, she has to give them a wipe. “What’s wrong? I can do this Mother.” “It’s just… you remind me so much of when you were just a child, before the accident. So ready to take on the world…” She has to wipe her eyes again. “Mother…” I… I move to her and give her a hug again. Every embrace is so precious to me. “Oh my Claire…” She places a hand on my cheek, this is how I must have looked when I looked at May or Aleah… “You were hurting for so long…” “I’m sorry-” “Sshh, there is nothing to be sorry about.” “I… do think she can do it, Francois-sama. She is working very hard already.” “And you will help her?” “Yes, whatever she needs I will help her with. But even without me I think she could do it.” Don't say that Rae. “I’m helping too.” Catherine throws in, “Claire is working very hard, and we have been walking her through all the basics and are working up.” “You said you did a test already Claire?” “Yes… I got just under seventy percent…” If I got higher maybe this would be easier- “Okay… Fine. We will see how this goes. But I ne

37_2

ed to know how things are going. We won't rush into something more drastic such as taking you out of classes for private tutelage but when this first semester ends I want you to take an exam. Something that would amount to highschool education. I want you to have a grasp of the sciences, math, literature, history…” She sighs, “And I want to be kept in the loop with your current grades. This isn’t going to work if they dip too low.” “I… Thank you Mother.” I grab Rae in joy. Mother doesn’t elate though. “This will be very difficult.” “I’m aware. I’m not a child. I can do this.” “Please tell me if it is too much, it’s fine if it is.” She says. She is still worried. I nod, it won’t. I can do this. I am Claire Francois. I saved the world with Rae by my side. I can do this with her by my side. We can do anything together. “Girls, it's been a long day…” Mother slumps into the sofa, “We just arrived this morning and the flight was very long. This was the last thing I expected when I heard you were acting odd from Lene, or that you finally got a new leg Catherine.” She laughs softly. “Uhh… thank you for the leg again,” Catherine says softly. “Catherine, you are family, I could do no less.” Catherine looks a bit taken off guard, but smiles. I send her a smile as well. And I find Rae’s hand. Mother said yes. She said yes. “Are you girls hungry? It seems neither of you got far into your day. What’s open at this time? I don’t feel much like sitting down, but take-out would be nice. Even if it’s greasy.” “Oh, most places don’t open till eleven but I think there are some breakfast places… are you feeling picky?” Catherine answers. “Something with Western options is preferable, I don’t want to think too much.” “Yah, sure, umm, give me a sec…” Catherine gets up and starts to go over choices with Mother with her phone. “Thank you Rae.” I say once we have a degree of privacy. “Oh I didn’t do that much Claire-chan.” Rae gets a little shy. “Shush, don’t be modest, just accept it.” I tease her. “Oh, well thanks. I do think you would be able to get by without me.” That’s nonsense, besides… “Where’s the fun in that?” “Yeah…” She doesn't really want that either. I can’t help but grin, “We will be busy won’t we?” “Oh, yah, for real. Prepping for that exam is not going to be easy. We won’t have a ton of time.” “Yes, especially with all the ravaging I need to do.” She reacts just as I expect, “Claire!” “Oh..?” “Your mom is right there.” She shouts a whisper at me. “And she interrupted us.” I can’t help but pout, it’s very effective against Rae. She whines, “But we have to be serious.” I suppose, I’m just trying to calm myself down after everything. “Of course. But I’ll need you to help recharge, with that I can take on even a demon, three even.” I can feel the cheeky smirk on my face. “I don’t doubt you,” she laughs. “Claire, is there anything you would want?” Mother's voice comes from across the room. “Anything is fine.” “And you Oohashi-san?” “Huh?” “What would you like?” “Ah what do you mean? You don’t have-” “Nonsense, both of you come and look at the menu, you too Claire.” Rae is trying to be too polite, “But-” “Come on Rae, please?” Her resistance dissolves as I ask her, breaking down into a soft smile. “Okay … Sure.” “Sick, leftovers.” Catherine is right. Mother ordered a lot of food, even with four of us. Even after serving out the first round, I can’t imagine finishing it with another sitting. It was good, and a bit of everything. Mother seems to not have had a proper meal in a while. “Mother?” “Hmm?” “Where were you? Before you came… you said… flew?” She can’t have meant literally… right? “Yes, it’s the fastest way to get to Paris and back… have you two not told not explained planes?” “There has been so much…uh, Melia.” Catherine looks a little sheepish. “Yah, we were going to build up to it, we started small with cars and trains, and we can see those easily around here too.” “Wait, you actually flew? You were flying?” Rae looks apologetic, “Yah, we were going to get there-” “How?” “Oh well.” She gets an intense look as the gears in her head wind up, “Okay, you know that some animals fly right?” “Birds? Yes, we had birds, we saw birds at the zoo. Come now Rae I'm not so removed from this world.” She looks a little sheepish, “Right, so, birds fly by creating lift with their wings, they are pretty light creatures so it’s easy for them to push themselves up from the surface area of their wings, and once in the air those wings keep them aloft, they can ride air currents… err wind and such. We haven’t got to the deep physics yet but air is made up of stuff, gasses, and most things can sorta turn into gas with enough heat, that’s not the point, but rather that air is made up of stuff and it’s that mass that birds are using to push against. If there was literally nothing there, they wouldn’t be able to fly, so like in a vacuum.” “Okay… so you mimic that?” “Well yes, and no. We have some machines that mimic it more closely, but the main vehicle we use for flying is called a plane. Here, give me a sec.” She pulls out her phone, types away for a second and turns the screen showing me an image of something that looks long, sleek and a pair…. of wings? “This is a plane, you mom probably rode in something like this, it’s big, and heavy. So birds are light. This isn’t and it requires a lot of power. Force specifically. It creates this push with,” she points to small cylinders on the wings, “with these, they are called jets, they create a lot of force, like a lot a lot of force. They push the plane forward and with that speed the wings can pick up enough resistance against the air that they stay afloat, or fly. It also makes them really fast. If you had to travel by car it would take you weeks or more to make the trip your mom made, umm how long was your flight Francois-sama?” Mother has been listening to Rae, I hope she is impressed with her general knowledge. “Please, just Melia is fine, or Melia-san if you must, our flight was 18 hours, exhausting, but she is right, it would probably take the better part of a month by car and that would be miserable to say the least. Would you prefer Rae or Oohashi?” “Oh, umm just Oohashi-san, umm… Melia-san” “Of course, Thank you. You will get a chance to ride by plane too Claire.” “Oh.” I can fly ? “Oohashsi-san, I just want to say, despite the circumstances of the situation It has been nice to meet you. I wasn’t expecting Claire to have a… partner… let alone them being a girl. I hope I haven’t scared you off. It’s obvious how much Claire cares about you.” Rae gulps, “Oh… um yah, thank you.. I, um yah I really… like her… too. I um… Mother Laughs, does she like Rae? Oh thank goodness, “That’s good, If I am to understand correctly you are the reason for my daughter awakening .” Rae blushes, “I… I guess. It’s not like I did anything…” “Shush, you've done so much.” I chide Rae, “You saved me, I wouldn’t be here without you.” Rae looks a bit overwhelmed and opts to eat more food instead of responding. “So Oohashi-san, you also go to the same university then?” She swallows, “Uh, yah, Claire-san and I have several of the same classes-” “Not all,” we really should. It would make everything more pleasant. “Uh, yah, not all the same but just a few different ones, the overlap is big thankfully, for Claire I mean. Not me. I mean I like having classes with her I-” Mother laughs a bit at Rae’s verbal stumbling, “Oohashi-san, calm down. This hasn’t been affecting your studies too much has it? How often have you been helping her?” “...Like everyday… I get my stuff done at the same time, it’s been helpful for me too I guess.” “Hmmm, so are you from here?” “Chiba.” “Ah, and you came here? Did you have an aspiration? You are also studying economics.” “Ah… we sorta?... I… well… you get a job… and do that right?” “Mother, you don’t need to worry about that, I’ll make sure she is happy.” Rae looks puzzled, “Huh?-” Mother cuts her off however, “What do you mean Claire?” “Oh…” I

37_3

can’t just say I am trying to make sure Rae doesn’t work herself to death again right? “I just… I’m going to be here, I’ll help?” Rae has a look like she wants to say something, but doesn’t, just takes another bite of her food instead. She knows I am omitting something. “I… see.” Does mother suspect the same? “Rae is very capable, she was a genius in our past life, and a hero. She taught me so much and we lived our life together… I hope we can do that again… as long as you want to Rae…” Rae blushes and her eyes dart between me and Mother, “Claire, please don’t rush into things… you have only known each other for a few weeks.” “But I have known her for-” “ Then , and this is now, it’s different Claire… I just want what’s best for you Claire, and I don’t want either of you two to get hurt along the way. I’m happy that you are… so happy that you are here. But we don’t know exactly what is going on. It could be a coincidence, I can’t completely rule out a more mundane answer but I don’t want to lose you again Claire. You’re here, you're present for the first time in ages, you’re you again.” “Mother…” But it isn’t like that… It's not a coincidence. But I am rushing it. It hasn't even been a month for Rae. And I.. don’t want to hurt Rae. Rae does have a problem saying no to me. I… I know she wants to help me, but is doing this just for me? She is different now, I love her all the same, love getting to see this younger side of her… Love being her first… But these are all her firsts. These first should be special for her, and I shouldn't be so greedy with them. “... I understand. I have no intention of going anywhere. This is…” second does not sound right , “another chance, and I want to make the best of it.” Mother nods, “I… I’m glad to hear that Claire. And please let me know if you remember anything new. We don’t know what has happened, but whatever it is, you will always be my daughter.”

38_1

“Must you leave already?” Claire asks, her voice sounds so small. “I’m sorry my dear, I have matters to attend to tomorrow and I need to sleep or I will fall over.” Claire looks like she wanted to object but thinks better of it, “I understand.” “Claire, we will talk again soon, don't worry.” “Mother…” Claire's eyes glisten, “Please.” Her mom moves in and gives her a hug. She has to lean just slightly, she's only a bit taller than her. Claire returns the hug, she is squeezing tightly and her mom just hums into the hug. It feels odd being here for it… but I am happy it’s gone this way. “Nothing is going to take me away Claire, I’m here for you.” Claire buries her head in her mom’s shoulder, “Thank you, thank you Mother, I don’t want to lose you again. It’s really you, it’s not a dream, it’s not a simulacrum. It’s you. It’s you…” There is a sharp inhale, and her breath wavers. “Of course Claire.” Her mom also sounds close to crying, but she stays firm. “You are always my Claire.” They remain locked in their embrace for a while, and I try my best to give them privacy, but both of them seem to be in their world either way. It’s sweet, I’m happy for them, but I do feel like an intruder here. “It’s time,” Claire’s mom finally says, and she breaks their hug. Claire sniffles, “I’m happy today… finally happened.” “I am as well Claire, even as it did. It’s for the best. We have plenty of time to catch up more later. But I do have to go, Lene is waiting, and I only have so much left in me at this point.” She beams as she looks at Claire. “There is one last thing though.” She turns and looks at me. “Oohashi-san, might I have a word before we part.” I gulp, Claire’s mom definitely has the mom tone in her voice. Claire notices and gives me a smile, I guess she isn’t too worried. I go out into the hallway with Claire’s mom, and it’s just us, Claire and Catherine still in the room. “Umm, what did you want to talk about?” She seems like she isn’t writing Claire off, but she; understandably, still has to have some worries. “Forgive me, I feel I haven’t had many chances to be a proper mom for Claire…” She sighs, “It feels like I have gone through more of the usual with Catherine, and none with Claire. I still can’t believe Claire convinced her to replace her leg finally, I have been trying to convince her for years now… anyways, this isn’t… I was worried, and I still worry, but in different ways. First, whatever Claire is going through, I have more faith in her than when we started this conversation, but I still want to keep a close eye… I still worry… but… I thought I lost one of my daughters, and she is here again…” She takes a deep breath… I… how bad was it? “Secondly, you and her are both adults… It’s not my place to make mandates on who she should or shouldn’t have a relationship with. I wasn’t expecting to… well find her and you in that state and that was the furthest thing from my mind when I… barged in. I hope… this was just another surprise, it’s an… a lot more to consider but I don’t want to be seem… in the way. Or against it.” “Ahhh… I… thank you?” “Just… I’m sorry there is…” she chuckles a little, “My first instinct is to think that it’s Claire who is new to relationships, but I suppose that isn’t the case to her is it? And it’s her I should be telling to be careful… I… how are you doing in all this? This has to be a lot for you. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what you have done for her but just today has been a lot.” Oh god, I can’t stop the nervous laugh, “umm, yeah? God, yeah it’s been a rollercoaster, and it was bad enough when my roommate walked in on… us… before… umm…” “Dear, it’s okay. You're both adults.” “yeAh… I really just wish that wasn’t the first way you saw me though…” “I’m sorry, I should have given you more… warning… but between everything I heard from Lene, and how dodgy Catherine was acting, Mother’s instincts , I knew something was happening. Again, I’m sorry, it’s not the worst thing, I am happy that she found you.” “Thanks, I want… I want to be… to be right? I’m trying.” “Dear, there is no being right , allow yourself some grace.” Sure… but Claire needs help still, she needs to catch up, she needs to pass. Even if I'm not her , Claire needs me. “Yah, I’m just doing the best I can… It’s been a lot of work, like I said we really have been doing so much studying… me and Catherine-san have been working together to show her what she is missing and she really is picking it up fast, she really is clever. I… it catches me off guard when she mentions something obscure and it’s because I told her about it.” “What do you mean…?” “There’s a lot… it’s like she knows things that will happen. She knew I am writing a… fan story online, what it was about, and I think she knows how it ends? I’m not even finished with it, but she was… teasing me about the ending…?” “Really?” “Yah… I know… rationally… this sounds impossible, but I haven’t found a single thing to even suggest otherwise. It just makes more sense the more I am around her. It’s not just me either; Catherine-san is picking it up too, and it’s like she is already tapped into my social network. It’s not big or anything but… she was talking to my roommate, and even with her it was… surreal just how naturally she fell into conversation with her, and Misha is a bit prickly too.” “Oohashi-san… Rei… Thank you for being honest about this. I really appreciate everything, and I do trust you… I want to give you my personal number, in case an emergency happens, for whatever reason. I know you know this, but this has to stay a secret, the last thing any of us needs is for this to get out. Hopefully you won't need to reach me for emergencies, but if you need help with anything, let me know. I’m not always in the country and may be in different time zones, but this number is the best way to reach me. Very few people have it, it’s for family.” “Oh… Thank you Francois-sama-” “Melia.” She smiles. “Right… Thank you Melia-sama. Hopefully no emergencies.” “Hopefully, secondly, you have been committing a lot of time to tutoring Claire.” That’s not a question. “Yes…?” “That is a lot of your personal time, I want to reimburse you for that.” “What- No!, it’s not needed.” “I have to insist, I can’t in good conscience allow us to take advantage of you in the meantime. I would be hiring a tutor for Claire if she didn’t insist on you helping her.” “Oh… but I want to help, I would… feel weird if… I… my… girlFriend” fuck my voice cracked, “paid me for this.” “There has to be something we can agree on then. Is there something I can cover in the least, meals? I could arrange a scholarship for you?” “A scholarship?!” “Oohashi-san I run a multinational business, a scholarship is trivial.” The smirk makes that easy to believe. “That’s… that’s still a lot… can I think about it?” “I suppose… We will talk about it more later then, but please consider it. For now, here.” She pulls a card out from her purse, a credit card. “Use this in whatever way you deem appropriate, it could be for meals, it could be for a new laptop or whatever equipment you need for school. It could even be for something fun. Don’t worry what it is, just please use it.” I hesitate to take the card, it’s not a gold card like Claire’s was, but… fuck a credit card attached to Francois-sama’s account? “Please don’t stress out about it too much.” “But-” “It has a limit, you can’t be that irresponsible with it.” She teases another smirk. “Why… are… how can you trust me?” Her face shifts, something more… professional, “Several reasons, I trust my intuition, and trust me when I say this, I deal with a lot of untrustworthy people. You care for Claire, greatly. I can tell that, I could tell that before you two even had a chance to recover. You stood up for her and you were very vulnerable doing so. That wasn’t easy dear, and thank you for being honest about it. You're not doing this for your own gain, and if you were I would be doing something about it.” She closes my hand around the card, “I could take control of this, take Claire away, hire a private tutor, bring her up to speed, but she doesn’t want that. She thinks she can make this work, and I want her to succeed. I believe she can do this. But she will need help and

38_2

for you to help her, I need to trust you too and I need to make a show of good faith. We are asking a lot out of you and only you can help her in the way you can. I’ll be here, Catherine will be here. We will always be here to help too.” Ohhh, wow it’s hard to swallow. “I want to help… I want to do this… I… I really do… I…” Love her… “She said Dole also liked you, I can see that…” She really looks so much like Claire, they smile the same way… Then she chuckles, “Perhaps I’m also just making a poor decision after an eighteen hour flight that was delayed, either way nothing is perfect we just make it work, and even in the bad we can find new things to cherish…” I… she’s talking… about the accident … isn’t she? Woah… “We'll make this work, one way or another, won't we Rei?” I have to. “Yes” “Excellent, now that that is out of the way, I’ll feel better about passing out in my bed.” She sounds happy and chuckles. “Just please help Claire and I’ll be happy. Okay?’ I can do that. Whatever Claire needs. “Okay.”

52

“No! Not yet!” “Come on… you’re so close Claire, just a little more” “Aaahh!” “Just a little more.” Claire’s stiff as a board, leaning forward and gripping the controller tightly. Yusuke and Ann are both knocked out. Morgana is out of SP, and Joker is nearly out of health. “What do I do?” She’s exasperated. I'm truly blessed. I’ve been trying to be as hands off as I can about this. I really don’t want to be microing the way she plays the game, and I've tried very hard to be subtle about all the mistakes she makes. She’s learning. She’s picking up on elemental advantages, and god she gets sooooooooooo fucking cute when she gets an all out attack off. Just little hints. Can’t outright tell her. “Is there something you haven’t used?” “Arrrrr.” God her frustration is so adorable. Then it dawns on her, she pops open her inventory stash, and scrolls through her items. She always forgets about them. She finds some food and uses it on Joker, topping her health off and then Morgana uses a snuff soul to bring his SP back up. Madarame attacks again and she survives the turn. “Yes!” She cheers while shaking the controller. God I LOVE this. She starts to relax again as she takes back control of the fight, leaning back into me and I let my arms wrap around her again. God playing video games with your girlfriend is the actual best. ….Girlfriend …woah Claire cackles, oh she beat the boss. “Did you see that Rei, that disgrace of an artist. He never stood a chance against Me !” She cackles some more and moves a hand daintily to her face, oh she is so perfect . She quiets as the plot starts to pick back up, she’s so into it . I’ve seen the scene so many times at this point, but I still feel for Yusuke here. Like how do you figure out who you are when everything gets upturned like that? And soon enough Claire finishes the day. “I did it!” Even facing away, I can feel the grin on her face. “Good job Claire. That’s two Palaces down. We should probably save and pack it in.” “ Please .” It’s Misha. Rude. But okay, she might have a point. “Yeaaaaah, I think it’s been eight hours.” I love a good gaming marathon. “What? That can’t be. I would be hungry if that was the case.” As if on cue, one of our stomachs rumbles, loudly, and I honestly can’t tell who’s it is. Probably both. I can see Claire’s ears turn red from behind. Cute . “It’s really easy to lose track of time playing games like this.” “God, you are teaching her the worst habits.” Wow , thanks for the commentary Misha. “But that would mean it’s past four?” Claire is still processing. “It’s five. ” Okay, I get it Misha. “Sorry Misha, I had no idea. I didn’t mean to overstay my welcome.” It's not that big of a deal Claire. Misha sighs, “It’s fine Claire-san. It’s not your fault.” Come on Misha, not willing to cut me some slack? “Hey if Yu was here the whole day I wouldn’t give you hell for it.” “Yes you would you fucking liar.” Misha sighs and pinches her nose, okay… yes… “Look, I’m just trying to be civil about boundaries here Rei. The roommate agreement was we would give each other space right? And there ain't that much here.” She's right… “Aaaah…. Okay fine. Right… Sorry.” “It’s okay, just this was my limit. I need some quiet now.” At least Misha doesn't seem upset. She's better at letting me know than I am. “We understand, I should have not let myself get so absorbed in it.” It's cool Claire, don't worry. “It happens Claire-san, and trust me, compared to your gremlin girlfriend this is nothing. She’s pulled twenty-four hour plus marathons before.” Why you gotta say it like that Misha? “REI!” Claire immediately turns and looks at me, she's somewhere between worried and concerned. Huh? “What?” “That’s absurd, you’re going to collapse doing something like that!” “What? It’s fine, really. I can totally do it.” I have. A bunch. “It’s not fine. You’re going to….” the words die in her throat... “Rei, please don’t push yourself like that.” She sounds like actually upset…? I'm… not measuring up am I? “It’s just gaming though.” What's the big deal? She looks terrified that I said that. “You need to eat properly, you need to sleep and rest. I… I don’t want anything to happen to you. Please take care of yourself.” There is something she isn’t saying there, again . What? Probably not a problem with Rae . “Well sorry I’m this way.” Fuck I hate it the minute it comes out of my mouth. The way Claire looks at me… fuck I have no idea what she is thinking. She looks upset with me. I sounded the fucking worst. Fix it. “Rei-” “I’m sorry!” We both pause from our mutual interruption. Claire is waiting. “I’m sorry, that was… I know…” “Rei, I just want you to take care of yourself, okay? Look I’m not saying it’s not fine in moderation, or even that today was over doing it. Heavens, there were some days we would hardly leave the bed.” Fuuuuuu … “I really don’t want to hear about this.” This is the closest to a whine I have heard from Misha, like ever. “Apologies Misha, and Rei, I only… an entire day can really wear you down.” “Yeah… you’re not… I know.” I need to be better… She puts a hand to the side of my face, cupping my cheek gently, ahhh. She smiles softly for a moment and then it turns just a bit devious. “If anything is going to wear you out, it’s going to be me. ” Holy Shit “Please take your flirting outside.” Misha groans from her bed. Claire looks a little embarrassed, but she doesn’t remove her hand. “Fine, yes. Rei?” “Yah?” Grrrwwl! Okay, that was my stomach for sure this time. Claire laughs, “I was going to ask if you wanted to get something to eat before I return home.” “Oh… yah. Misha?” I should ask her too, right? Okay, that stare definitely says ‘ get the fuck out already’ .

11_1

“Okay so, you know how we showed you videos, right?” Rae breaks into an explanation as we cross between campus buildings. She had mentioned anime in passing and I was curious, so I asked for more details. People keep referring to it around me for some reason. “Yes, so it’s like that?” Photos are already one of the more impressive things I’ve seen. Videos are on an entirely different level. The technology here is so advanced that it feels like magic to me a lot of the time. “Sort of, yeah. So, what we’ve shown you so far was mostly just recordings with maybe a few extra edits thrown in. Oh right, you don’t know what those are either. Ummm, to keep it very simple, edits are kinda like when a painter touches up a painting after it’s made, only with photos or videos. So then anime, which is short for animation, is like doing that without the photo part, or recording a video because it’s all hand drawn, or something like that. That’s a really oversimplified explanation but let's start small.” Rae takes a quickie breath. “Anime is animation from Japan, which was actually inspired by early western animation, and then it took on a life of its own and now it’s an entertainment genre in its own right. Well, there are actually lots of genres in anime. It’s often treated like a single genre but that's really reductive; it's like calling theater a genre. You had theater in your world, right?” She is talking so quickly, but she obviously cares about the topic and is very happy and eager to share. Adorable. Rae had tried to explain some of these things before in our old life, but the context of seeing some of these things in person is helping me understand them far better. And if Rae wants to ‘ infodump, ’ as she calls it, I am very happy to oblige her. “Yes, we had theater, and I can understand how it would seem strange to consider it a genre in and of itself. After all, there are comedies, dramas and tragedies and so on.” “Yes, exactly, anime is the same! So anime has a lot of works—it’s been around for over half a century and in the last couple of decades the amount of published works have increased a lot. Not all of it is good by any stretch of the imagination but there is good stuff there if you are interested. We should watch some together sometime! Not just anime but movies and other shows too. There’s far more out there than just the educational stuff we showed you when we were trying to ground you in the basics.” “It looked like there was a lot to see on that ‘you tube’ too.” I had noticed what looked like dozens of other videos on the side of the screen when Rae was showing a few to me earlier. “Oh, yeah, there are a ton of videos on YouTube, but let's be careful— that’s a whole other can of worms. Remember what I said about the internet?” “It’s full of lies?” Is that what she is referring to? “Yes,” Rae sighs, looking extremely disappointed, though not at me specifically. She always looks like this when the internet lies comes up. “There are a lot of people spreading misinformation online and you don’t have anywhere near enough context to know what’s true and what’s not.” “Yes…” I wish I could say I am surprised, but Rae mentioned things like this back in our past life too. “YouTube can be really bad with that and it can be hard to tell the good videos from the bad ones even when you have lots of experience.” “Shouldn't lying like that be…I don’t know, subject to punishment?” “Wouldn’t that be nice? But the question of who gets to determine what content is good and bad is a tricky one. For a long time being gay was considered… well abnormal and unhealthy. Back then it would have been considered lying to say it was okay…” “Violence by numbers, then.” I murmur to myself. “What was that?” Rae asks. “Oh, it was something you once said to me. I’ll just rely on your and Catherine-chan’s guidance for now when it comes to things on the internet.” “There are a lot of cute animal videos if you want a safe place to—” “Francois-sama.” Rae is interrupted by a smooth voice. We both turn, and it’s a young Thane Bauer. I had forgotten he used to wear his hair long. Rae looks annoyed to have been interrupted. I try to send her a sympathetic look. “Just a moment R—Oohashi-san. Hello Bauer-san, how can I help you?” Thane looks slightly nonplussed. Perhaps he was expecting a different reaction. “Oh, well, I just want to respond to you from the other night in person, now that you are not so…inebriated.” Oh no, what did the other me say to him? He is trying so hard to be polite. “I apologize, but I must politely decline, Francois-sama.” Oh thank goodness, that makes this much easier. “Thank you, Bauer-san, you have nothing to apologize for. If anything I wanted to apologize if the way I acted has made you uncomfortable.” Thane’s confusion returns. “Francois-sama…Just so we’re clear, I’m turning you down. You’re a lovely woman but I have no interest in a romantic relationship with you.” Oh, he thinks I misunderstood. I know young Claire would want to kill me for this, but she didn’t know Rae yet. “No, I understand. It's fine. If anything, I had hoped to apologize to you first and let you know that I had no intention of…well, doing whatever I suggested we do before. I’m afraid it was the alcohol talking, as embarrassing as that is to admit. I hope we can be friends despite how I may have acted.” I give Thane a courteous bow. He scrutinizes me, as if he is unconvinced it is not an act. Oh, the things I would tell the other Claire if I could. “Bauer-san, I assure you I have no further intent of acting like I once did. If I may be honest, I have found someone I care for deeply and only now do I realize that I have been trying to force something that wasn’t meant to be.” It's as close to the truth as I can make it. I steal a glance at Rae, who has been forced to observe this conversation. I give her a smile. “What are you doing?” she says, so hushed that I don’t really hear it so much as see her lips form the words. She blushes slightly. Thane coughs. “I see…well, Francois-san, I am glad this came to an amenable conclusion and wish you well.” He takes a look at Rae, who blushes even deeper, and then turns back to me. “I hope you two enjoy each—” He coughs, “I mean, your day.” He walks away stiffly, a faint blush on his face. It takes an effort to not laugh. Once he is out of sight, Rae moans, “Francois-san! He totally thinks something is going on between us now!” “I wasn’t the one who blushed and gave it away.” I can’t be blamed if she blushes at everything now. “This isn’t funny, Francois-san!” She seems a bit upset, and more than a bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you. Bauer-san is courteous, though, and would never say anything about it to anyone else. Unfortunately I am a poor liar so it would be worse if I tried to lie. I need a bit of truth to work with if I want people to believe what I am saying.” Rae pouts. “Rumors are going to start, Francois-san… People are going to hear about you turning him down. Well, not turning him down exactly, but losing interest all of a sudden. And if you keep telling everyone it’s because you…ummm…” She swallows hard as she struggles to say it. “That I am in love with someone?” I can’t keep the playfulness out of my tone. She turns away, blushing and waving her hand in the air as though trying to use it to help articulate words. “Right…people are going to talk. And you have been spending a lot of time with me…” “Do you not want to spend time with me?” The question just pops out, and it feels wrong the second it leaves my mouth. It’s just going to make her feel guilty. I wish I hadn’t asked it like that, but the idea of avoiding her, or of her avoiding me, is simply unbearable. “No!” she squeaks. “I mean I do, I like spending time with you…it’s just…” “You don’t want everyone else to know.” She nods. She looks almost ashamed of herself, but she shouldn’t. I want to hold her, but that would draw too much attention out here in public. This wouldn’t have happened if I had better controlled myself. “Can I make it up to you in some way?” I ask sincerely. Rae, please stop blushing at everything I say—that wasn’t meant to be innuendo! . “I also owe you for all the help you have given me, on top of also keeping me company tomorrow.” “You don’t need to do anything Francois-san. I enjoy your company.”Rae is quiet but she means it. “That’s good, because I very much enjoy your company too. I look forward to enjoying a casual day tomorrow. We’ve had to do a lot of studying lately. So, what do you have planned for our d—day?” I can do this. Rae narrows her eyes at me.

11_2

She definitely noticed I stopped myself from saying date. “I…you’ll have to wait and see. Like, don’t get your expectations up or anything. It’s nothing fancy. I don’t know, I was thinking we could go out and see a few things, then maybe get lunch and hang out at my place, or maybe your place? I could bring my laptop and show you a game, if you want. I don’t want to seem too much like an Otaku or anything but I think I have a good suggestion for something you might like.” She rambles on very quickly; it seems she is getting a bit self conscious. “That sounds lovely, Rae. I don’t need anything fancy either. Getting lunch, enjoying a nice walk around town and then doing something at home sounds perfect. I wouldn’t mind coming to your dorm.” We have spent a lot of time in mine . “Ugh…well, honestly it's pretty small, and now that I think about it we would have to share my bed if we wanted to play something on my laptop.” Rae averts her eyes and presses two fingers together. I don’t see what the problem is…okay, I will concede that this might be a lot for this version of Rae. But returning to my dorm might be unfair to Catherine. She has been very patient so far, but I can see she really wishes she had some privacy again with all the time Rae has spent at our place over this past week. “I’ll see what Catherine would prefer. She can be…well, she enjoys her privacy and I worry this is getting to be a bit too much for her.” “Oh, yeah, for sure. In that case I think Misha will be out for most of the day, so we can play it by ear I guess.” We resume our walk to the other side of the campus. I can see Rae is lost in thought for a moment. “Is something wrong?” She snaps her fingers. “Now I remember! Before Bauer-san showed up, I was going to tell you about something on YouTube you might like that’s pretty harmless.” “Oh?” That has piqued my interest. “Yeah, okay…” She pulls out her phone and starts it up, or “unlocks it” as Rae explained is the correct phrase. “Okay, in your opinion what is the cutest animal?” “Hmmm, well, cats are always adorable…but I’ve always been fond of otters.” She grins and types away, then turns the phone towards me as a video starts to play. It displays a pair of otters floating in the water together, sleeping soundly. “Awwww, they are holding each other’s hands!” Oh, goodness!

8_1

There are so many of these notifications… Rae sort of explained how these work. Pepi and Loretta each have sent me dozens of messages over the last day, and I tried to send them a few replies to keep them calm. Thankfully I think I am starting to get a better idea of texting now. Reviewing my old messages has been… informative , but even with the lack of proper context I feel the need to chastise my other self. It's far too familiar. I don’t feel comfortable matching that previous tone, needless to say. “Catherine… is there a way to stop all of these notifications?” Notification, to notify. Hrmm, all they seem to do is vex me. I appreciate that it alerts me to messages people have sent, but what is this ‘ X ’? I don’t understand what any of the X notifications mean, much less how there are over a hundred from it alone. It’s utterly inane. Instagram ? Rae tried to explain it, but it also seems to be a steady stream of messages that have no relation to me? “I guess, can you pass me your phone?” Catherine says from the sofa. She looks rather comfortable sunk into it and reading her own phone. “Hmmm, I think we can mute all the non essential ones, so you only see what you want to see, which I guess would be texts. Yeah… let's get rid of Twitter. No one should have that.” “Twitter? I don’t think I saw anything from that.” Was there something else on the phone I was missing? “Oh, right . It used to be called Twitter, but then the idiot who bought it decided ‘X’ would be better. No one calls it that, people still call it Twitter. And it sucks .” There is an unusual glee to her voice as she derides this ‘X’, or Twitter, whatever it’s called. “What is it?” “God, I don’t know, it’s a machine designed to make people miserable. Trust me, don’t think about it, it’s not worth it. I’ll turn it off rather than deleting it just in case you need it for something, but I really doubt it. Besides, no one would be surprised if someone stopped using it now. Huh, that’s a lot of Instagram… wow .” “I don’t understand that one, either.” “Errr. I think this one is more straightforward, but honestly it’s probably best to not use it for now. You remember what the internet is, right? All this stuff—” She waves her hand in the air as she talks. “Twitter, Instagram, etc. are using the internet to share their thoughts and photos and videos with other people. It’s like… it’s not magic, but it’s like a magic place that computers can look at, and in this case ‘computers’ includes your phone. So with Instagram you post pictures and then people can leave messages on them or give them a like… I think. I think that’s what most of these are for. This explains why your phone was always buzzing. Jeez, I had no idea you were this active there.” “I think I followed all of that. It is starting to come together, I guess? Did that many people really leave a message on these pictures?” I looked through some of the pictures from instagram with Rae before, but I don’t get it. A lot of pictures of food? The outfits maybe make more sense. Besides, Rae’s food looks better than anything I saw there. “I guess? It’s muted for now. You can look at it later again if you want to when you get more in the swing of things. I suppose it’s not that bad. It will probably be more manageable if you ghost it for a month. I think that should help you, and just let me or Oohashi-san know if other things pop up. And don’t ask about Tik-tok.” She sticks her hand up from the sofa with my phone, waving for me to take it. “Thanks again, Catherine.” Her hand just gives me a thumbs up, and then disappears behind the sofa cushions. As I start to walk away, she springs back up, “Wait, one more thing before I forget!” The suddenness is startling. She looks very intense right now. “...Yes?” “If you get any texts or other messages trying to get information out of you, or claiming you are in trouble or whatever, do not respond to them. If you really aren’t sure, let me or Oohashi-san see them. This is important—I cannot stress this enough. Those are almost always scams and are not legit, even though they can look convincing. Okay?” She looks deadly serious. A scam? “But—” “No, trust me, you have no context and the last thing we need is someone hacking your phone or bank. Just trust me when I say this. If you don’t recognize the person, which, okay, will probably be the case for most people who contact you, don't give out any information. Better yet, don’t respond at all, and that goes the same for if you get a random call.” I have not seen Catherine this intense in a while. How would one hack up my phone when it is in my hands? “Okay, I will check with you two first then.” That gets Catherine to release her breath and relax back into the sofa. Another thumbs up rises over the side. There is a knock on the door. That must be Rae. I quickly walk over and peek through the peephole. I can see her standing on the other side fidgeting. I can’t stop myself from grinning, and why would I? I unlock and open the door. “Rae!” I have to hold myself back from going in for a hug, but I do give her shoulder an affectionate squeeze. Even that causes her to blush, which is delightful . “Hello, Francois-san,” The quiver in her voice is adorable. “Hello, Achard-san, I hope I’m not intruding.” A hand just sticks up from the sofa and waves. “You’re helping, Rae, you aren’t intruding. Come in. Your other class went well?” I bring her over to sit at the desk, and I take a seat on my bed. “Umm, yes, thank you. Sorry I couldn’t escort you again. It can get easy to get turned around on campus.” She doesn’t need to apologize, but it’s cute when she does. “I managed. Having a map on your phone certainly helps. It updates your position as you move! I know you say it’s not magic, but it feels like magic.” They weren’t lying about how valuable a phone is, but at the same time they both seem to treat it so mundanely? “Cool, Cool. I’m glad you’re starting to get the hang of it! Soo , umm, how was your first day of classes, then?” Rae asks. I have to take a long breath, “Truthfully, I didn't retain anything nor really have any idea what we were talking about. The lessons were of arithmetic, business and economics and I thought I would have had some understanding. I have read so many texts and treatises on economics back in Bauer but the fundamentals seem so different here.” “Yeah… I don’t have a good solution, or at least not an easy one. You have the textbooks, right?” She takes a look at the desk and spots the pile of books, then plucks one and flips it open, “Ah, perfect, okay, so this is a good place to start. This intro chapter is actually well written and it does a good job of explaining and walking you through the basics if you can manage to sit down and read through it.” “I have trudged through treatises, letters and tomes far denser than these and with the most god awful prose you could imagine. If I could bludgeon those morons with a style guide, it would be far too kind.” I let my frustrations out in a chuckle, just for show. “I suspect these will be far easier and more pleasurable to read. Any other suggestions?” These texts should be more straightforward, and hopefully they won’t be full of justifications for taxing commoners—or whatever the term for them would be here—, to death and ruin. “Cool, cool, yes. This is a good place to start. I think for the math bits we can use my notes, and I’ll help show you how it works. It seems like you’re mostly just unfamiliar with modern notation and formulas, right, Francois-san?” She digs through her bag and pulls out a spiral-bound notebook. “We can start with this and then you can read the textbooks afterwards. I can even stick around for a bit and work on my own stuff if you want me here to ask questions.” “I would love to have you around, Rae.” Rae nearly drops her book as she blushes, and I can’t help but smirk. Catherine makes a gagging noise from the sofa. Hush, you. “C-c-cool.” Rae puts her book of notes on the desk with haste and stiffens. “Relax Rae.” I get up to fetch the second chair from Catherine’s desk and pull it over next to her. She tries to not visibly react, but I can see her tense up. She seems so wound up, and I know exactly how to unwind her—Claire! Goodness, Claire, leave the poor girl alone. But she is so close, and it would be so easy to push the chair just a bit closer, lean into her and— “F-Francois-san, are you ready, then?” I blink. Get it together, Claire, you have more important things to tackle first.“Yes, let's start.” I can hold myself toget

8_2

her. I am Claire Francois, after all, and this should be a trivial issue. It doesn’t matter that my wife is right here, inches away, and I could very well just reach over and ki— It doesn’t matter. I will not be one to give in to such desires, no matter how delicious they may be. Besides…Rae will give in way before I will.

78

It’s exciting being in the front seat. Too bad Rei can’t fit up here with me. Lene is driving us to Rei’s old home in Chiba. And not in a limo, either. We thought a normal car would be more cozy. Rei has fallen asleep in the back seat. The ride has been rather relaxing and the scenery is lovely. Japan is a marvel. It’s my first time really getting out of Tokyo and the change of scenery is great, even if we are shackled to the highway. Lene has resisted all attempts at conversation, though. “Lene, how have you been?” Lene startles, not expecting me to break the silence. I’ve had very few opportunities to talk to her in private for more than a few minutes. Every time we’ve spoken, it always feels stilted. She insists on being so formal with me. Even in my previous life I don’t think she ever treated me this… professionally. I miss the easy relationship we had. “Pardonne moi?” She doesn't take her eyes off the road. At least she isn’t dressed in her usual suit for this trip, which has always felt exceedingly stiff, but even in more casual attire her demeanor is consummately correct. It’s frustrating. “I should have no problem finishing this drive,” she says crisply, misunderstanding my question. “No…I meant how have you been. We hardly ever talk, and I feel like I don’t know you.” “Oh,” she says slowly, taking a moment to focus on driving before speaking again. “I have been well, mademoiselle. I find that living in Japan suits me now that I’ve adjusted, and working for your mother has been wonderful.” She still sounds too formal. “How long has it been, now?” Lene mulls the question. “I’ll have been in your mother’s employ for a decade next February.” A decade. I must have been barely a decade old myself. How much older is she here? Lene had worked for us from a very young age in Bauer, but that would have been unacceptable by this world’s standards. “How old are you, Lene, if you don’t mind me asking?” “Thirty-two, mademoiselle,” she answers frankly. So she’s much older than I am, then. That’s a vast difference from Bauer. It drives home the enormity of the difference between us now. I want to tell her about our past lives. I should at least tell her something. Mother wants to avoid telling people unnecessarily, and while Lene is close to the family, Mother did not want to introduce the complication. Understandable, if unfortunate. “Lene, I’m not sure how else to broach this, but I have to assume you have noticed a change in my demeanor.” She’s quiet, and for a moment she looks at me before returning her gaze to the road. “Oui.” She’s too polite to ask why, but I can hear the question. I owe her this much, at least. “You see, I…I feel better now, and I wanted to apologize for anytime I acted—” “Mademoiselle, that isn’t necessary.” She didn’t let me finish. But it is necessary. “Of course it is. I know I have treated you poorly, and I’m sure that there is much I wasn’t even aware I was doing.” Lene is quiet, and her focus is on the road again, but I know she is mulling over how to respond. “I appreciate the thought, Mademoiselle Claire, but I knew what I was signing on for when your mother hired me.” “That still doesn’t excuse my past behavior.” “That’s not…” Lene can’t quite find the words. I see her glance in the rear view mirror quickly. She sighs. “I didn’t think it was a good idea for you to go off to school on your own with Catherine.” What? “I’m not sure I follow?” “Your mother tried many things to help you, mademoiselle. Both you and Mademoiselle Catherine have been through a great deal, and I’m aware that I don’t even know the whole of it. I don’t need to know more, but I believed that going off to school on your own would have made things worse. I never expected to see you laughing, smiling. Happy. Depression is…suffocating. It’s like being trapped under a black sea. I don’t mean that it excuses your behavior. I just know how much it can hurt to lose someone.” I wasn’t expecting such a heartfelt response. I can tell from the sound of her voice that she speaks from painful personal experience. “I’m sorry, who did…” It’s a painful question, one I maybe shouldn’t ask. “Family.” She replies. The hurt in her voice and the cruelty of the situation twists my stomach. Lene does not linger too long on it. “But you found someone, you found your reason to move forward. If I might be so bold, mademoiselle, I am proud of you. I always knew you knew you could move forward and overcome the past if you only decided you wanted to.” That makes my breath catch in my throat. Even when the distance between us feels so vast, Lene is still a pillar. “Thank you, Lene.” “Your partner is wonderful. That was another surprise.” She sounds happy to say it. I can’t help but glance back at Rei softly snoozing in the back seat. “I love her so much. She’s done so much for me, and still does so much every day.” Lene lets out a content hum and smiles. “Lene, could we spend some time doing something leisurely? I’ve been trying to teach myself to cook, and I would appreciate your input.” “Oh, well if that is what you would like, mademoiselle, I would be happy to.” There is a soft smile on her face. “Thank you, Lene.” This has been a nice drive.

58

Fuck. Fuck! I need to get out of here, away. Out of the building. Bzzzt! Don’t answer that. It’s her . I… can’t right now. I can’t talk to her. I’m just gonna make it even worse. I can’t cook and I'm a coward. I just had to tell her she was wrong but I was too greedy. I didn’t want to let her go. I didn't want to disappoint her by being me and not her . Fuck… it’s over now. I really fucked it up. Why did I think I could make a fucking crème brûlée of all things? I must have mixed it wrong. I rushed it. I almost set her kitchen on fire- Thump- fuck, my hand stings . Wha- who did I just- “Rei?” Oh… …Oh no… Not her. “Are you okay?” Manaria asks. Of fucking course not. “P-peachy.” Hold it together. Her eyes narrow, and like fuck off already. Just get out my way please. I just want to get out of here. “What happened?” God, I beat her? What a fucking joke… “N-none of your f-fucking business.” Fuck I wish that sounding at least a fucking bit stable. “What did she do?” Please leave me alone… “S-she d-didn’t fucking d-do anything, get out-t of my way already.” Hold it together Rei… “ No , what happened?” She tries to grab my hand and I panic before she can make contact. I swing my arm wide and it causes her to back away, wary of another swing. She blinks. “You w-wanna know what happened? I fucked up! I’m a loser, I was an idiot thinking I could be with her. What was I t-thinking? She’s wrong about me—I’m nothing like she thinks I am. Of course I was going to f-fucking d-d-dis….” Oh god the words are drowning in my mouth. Manaria looks wary still. She's treating me like some scared animal , but there is some space between us. Fuck it. I take my chance and bolt past her. “Rei!” I can feel the swish of air but no contact. I dash out of the building and I don’t think she’s chasing me. Doesn’t stop me from running though. Fuck FUCK I just keep moving, pumping my legs. Maybe I can think my way through this. How ? I don’t know… Everyone tried to tell me … I need to get out of here.

26_1

“No.” “Just listen.” “I don’t need a new leg.” “Like hells you don’t. You told me it’s broken!” “It’s… fine.” “You have been limping everywhere!” “I have my cane.” Catherine stomps it to ground, I guess for effect but she winces when she has to put more pressure on her bad leg. “Just please see what needs to be done, Lene said you are long overdue for a replacement.” Catherine groans. “And it's hurting you!” “That’s to be expected Mademoiselle, your socket needs proper maintenance, even if you are not growing much anymore your body is not made of stone, it needs to be readjusted or it will put undue pressure on the area. And you have grown since your last check up.” Catherine just groans again and I feel really awkward and useless in this whole exchange. I’m just… moral support I guess? Go Claire. Lene-sama continues, she seems eager to make sure Catherine goes through with this at least. “Mademoiselle Francois would be most pleased if you would finally allow us to help you.” Catherine glances between the two of them, trying to find some way to counter. She looks at me, like I can offer some relief. But Claire is just trying to help her, “Uhh? I’m sure they just want what’s best, like it has to get fixed eventually right?” Claire takes her hand in both of hers, clasping it gently, “Please Catherine?” That would get me to concede, like on the spot. Catherine still has a some resistance though, but ultimately, not enough, “Fuck, fine. Fine, let's get this over with.” Claire bounces in place, still holding her hand which causes Catherine to roll her eyes. “Très bien, please this way then Mademoiselle Catherine, In the meantime Mademoiselle Claire and Oohashi, there will not be much space for you in the waiting room, if you desire you can stay with the Limousine, or you may walk about as you wish. It should not take us more than an hour. There is also a café across the street if you so desire as well.” “I think the cafe sounds lovely, Rei?” “Oh, yah sure?” “Très bien, then, I will text you when we are finished.” And with that Lene-sama bows, and escorts Catherine to her appointment. Her clinic is part of the hospital I guess. A part of me is relieved that my part in this was pretty painless, but I also hate feeling so… useless in this all? “Oh that went so well, Thank you again Rei for coming with me.” I feel her taking my hand in her own. Okay, as long as she is happy, I suppose that is all that matters in the end. “Yah, no problem, it’s not like I did very much.” “Nonsense,” she tuts at me, “You always help.” She drags me along to the cafe and she orders a small brunch for the both of us. We then find a more secluded booth for us to enjoy our sandwiches, coffee and pastries. There is some small idle chatter as Claire comments on the quality of the food, she has such a discerning tongue when it comes to food. Thankfully she hasn’t made much mention of having me cook something, but god I am dreading the topic again. I can barely even offer much of my own commentary on the meal we just had. Like it’s fine? Like it’s good but I don’t even know what to say. She doesn’t seem to make much of a deal of it, she just looks happy. God she really does just look happy, and pretty. No she looks fucking gorgeous, I still can’t believe that I am here. Not just here in a cafe with her, sharing a meal, but everything in the last week. I’m dating her. She is lost in thought at the moment, her chin resting on her palm as the ideas filter through her mind. Then she blinks and her eyes meet mine, a lazy smile creeps across her lips and an idle finger plays on the corner of it. “Rei…” Shit, I was staring. She seems amused though, “Mmmm, Rei, I was wondering… Is there a style you favor?” “Style?” “How do you like to dress?” What ? “I only mean since we will be perusing attire later… I know how to make you look good but I am more unfamiliar with fashion here and I want you to be happy with whatever we purchase.” “Oh… umm well I wouldn’t really say I have much, umm sense when it comes to fashion, I don’t know I just wear whatever…” “Something comfortable?” “Sure?” “Don’t worry, trust me, I know you dislike dress-up so we won't spend forever. I have ideas in my head but I will have to see what the venue offers first. I will make this as painless as I can.” I… I don’t like dress-up? I mean do I… maybe? There have been a few times when mom was getting me clothes I guess, and maybe that was boring but… I haven’t really… This is weird? Is she right? “Oh… Umm sure. You don’t have to go overboard or anything.” “Of course, I can be frugal but maybe I also want to enjoy the wealth while I have it again.” “Oh, umm sure… did umm, what was it like? You know… back then?” “We were still well off, but I went from exceedingly wealthy to a comfortable modest lifestyle, don’t worry it was well worth it. We had to be careful at times with money but we still were able to enjoy many luxuries. Our daughters wanted for little.” “Oh that’s… good, did you ever miss it?” “In some ways… but not really. It was the transition that was more so difficult I suppose, unlearning wasteful habits and figuring out how to live on our own. Going from having every meal being prepared by staff to… well you still prepared most of my meals, but more so I mean that we had to take care of ourselves. Mending our own clothes, cleaning up, chores, even keeping our employment and finances in mind was never a concern I would have had, had I still been a noble.” I… she gave up a life of luxury? For me? “It was worth it.” She answers as if reading my thoughts, there is a soft smile and she reaches over, placing her hand over my own. “Thank you again for coming.” “Oh… well no problem. Really. You and Lene-sama are doing most of the work.” “Hrmmm, you are important too.” Sure “Hey, you're not going to pout that I want you around are you?” “Ohh-What? No I- She laughs, “Of course not.” She smirks and breaks into a silly cackle… oh god she is adorable. I can’t help but laugh along with her, and once we both calm down I realize she has found my hand… again. Not a bad thing to keep happening I suppose. “That’s better… This is lovely.” Yah, it is. “I would like to be together tomorrow as well.” “Yes.” What? You said Yes. She smiles warmly, “Good, I would very much like to finish your game, Persona, but I also want to finally see some of the other things you like. I know you mentioned a Dungeon Meshi before-” “Really? You want to know about Dungeon Meshi!?” Oh shit I’m squeezing her hand. God Rei, you are such a fucking little goblin, can’t you just be chill- “Of course, I have to say, I’m surprised I never heard about it before from you given your current reaction… I have to ask, there was a novel series you were reading when you were still a teenager. Forgive me, I believe it’s name was Pray… Love?” “PrayLove? Between Prayer and Love?” She gleams, “Yes! That’s the one. You said that was your first yuri series, Shiko showed it to you.” … “Am I wrong ?” She smirks, she knows she isn’t. But… I… Okay, rationally, yes it makes sense she knows this based on what she told me… but It doesn’t stop it from throwing me for a loop. “You were writing stories for it as well?” … I need… to reset my brain… “I—------------Yes?” “Rei?” …. “Oh Wow! Sorry that… is. Wild. Wow.” “Are you okay Rei?” “Yes, Yes.” God I’m chuckling like an idiot now, “God, sorry, the only person I really ever talk about this with is Shiko… and Misha, but just a little. She’s a nerd too, but she is not really… into that stuff. It just really catches me off guard I guess.” “Sorry, I don’t mean to do that to you, it’s just I never imagined you used to be so guarded about this sorta thing. You were always so proud of it before. You told me about one story you had been working on for over five years for Pray Love.” “Five… years…” “Are… you still writing it?” “I… think so?” Uhhhh “Could I read it?” She asks sweetly. Fuck no. “Are you sure? I don't know… it's… unhinged. I don't even know if it would make sense…” oh god please don't ask this of me. I will DIE . Oh please don't pout at me Claire, “Rei I can assure you, nothing will surprise me, I have seen how unhinged

26_2

you can be,” oh God why is she smirking? What does that mean… I… I… Can't deal with this, oh god. Please let me hide behind my hands. “Rei, it's really not that bad, I think we even might have played some scenes in the bedroom-” bEdRooM? “- it was honestly a lot of fun, we can even get a collar again-” tHE cOllAr?! Oh god please. Aaaaaaaaaaa “- as well as a few other toys… umm Rei are you okay?” Peachy “Reiiii” “Rei, look at me please,” I don't want to. She does look worried, god just get over yourself. Stop being so embarrassed over… sex. You want it . “Hey… it's okay Rei,” she's so kind… “I'm sorry, it's easy to forget how different you are now.” I bet “Does it make you uncomfortable?” “NO! Yes? I… I don't know… I'm embarrassed? God I… I wrote this stuff… and… now… you… me… “ I can hear my swallow. “ bed… I… it's a lot, it sounds amazing, scary… I-” “ Rei… that's normal, the first time I was ever with anyone, it was with you. I didn't know anything about being physical, let alone with another woman. It was intimidating as it was alluring, trust me, I understand. But you were there for me, gentle and you never rushed me. Let me do that for you.” I feel her squeeze my hand, When did she…? “I… want… to…” “We can go slowly.” …okay. Yah slow works. Slower Claire… Get out of here! “I… Yes… that. Thanks Claire. Sorry I shouldn't be-” “Please don't apologize, Rei. I'm sorry if I ever push you too much. I'm too greedy with my desires. And I might have too much fun teasing you.” Thanks Claire. “The teasing is fun.” She smirks proudly, “I know it is.” Huh? You said the quiet part out loud and the loud part… Shit! “You're adorable Rei.” She… god I really want to do this. I want to be hers. Her Rei. “ Soooooo? ” “Huh?” “You let me read your works, eventually?” Shit! “Eventually?” God I am not ready for this. I just started writing the really deranged stuff too. “It's not done though?” “That's okay, after all, I think I know how it ends.” Oh god, she always sounds so- I freeze as her hand moves to my face, she has a discerning look and her thumb rubs against my cheek. She pulls her hand back, “Ah that was bugging me.” She inspects whatever it was she cleaned off my face, then looks up at me and as she holds my gaze she licks her thumb, in the most fucking suggestive way possible, and she KNOWS what it’s doing to me. “Eventually.” She looks so satisfied. I’m not meant to survive.

60_1

This was a stupid place to come. There’s too many people, and I can see the lotuses on the lake from our date before. God I fucked up . I just want to be alone. Maybe if I sit off to the side under a tree I can just…. I need to think. Calm down. I need to fix this. How? Tell her I’m not her Rae? Jeez, My hand still stings. God, I’m so fucking stupid. I should have said something, anything . Why did I act like I could make crème brûlée? I can’t do anything. I can’t do anything she needs from me. I’m just pretending to be her Rae. I just want to disappear- “Oohashi-san?” Huh ? Oh, what’s he doing here? Can’t I just go one minute without running into someone? Yu’s brother…. ah fuck, what was his name? Thane-san? “H-Hi… Bauer-san?” “Are you alright?” No. Obviously. “P-peachy.” He frowns. “Why are you here?” I ask. He makes a face at that. Don't snap at him . “Sorry…” “I like to come out here and think. Sometimes it helps me compose.” I hate how calm he sounds right now. Of course he composes . God I feel so… worthless . He doesn’t seem taken aback even though I’m being an ass. He sets a bag down and takes a seat with a view of the lake. “You’re upset.” No shit . Stop. Breathe . “L-Look… I… I don’t want to…” “I know we don’t really know each other… but you are Yu’s friend… and he has worries. Perhaps you need someone to talk to that is outside your circle. If you want, I can listen.” “ I fucked up .” Nononono I wasn't supposed- “How so? Is… is this about Francois-san?” “Ughh…. Umm, I… fuck. Yes. It is.” No use in denying it now is there… “Oohashi-san, if you don’t mind me asking, I have… maybe an intuitive guess as to your relationship with her, but I would rather you tell me.” God… do I… “We… were… dating.” He doesn't look surprised. Of course he figured it out. Claire has not been great about keeping secrets. That’s how I know she’s not telling me everything. That I'm not her Rae. “ Were dating?” “Well she’s going to break up with me now. She knows I’m not what she wants...” “What she wants?” “She thinks that I’m some super girl. That I can cook. That I can write. That I can punch god. She thinks that I’m perfect. But I’m not. I’m a l-loser .” “Hmmm, did something happen?” God, how do I even begin to explain what happened? Is this even going to make sense? “She wanted me to make a crème brûlée.” “And?” “I couldn't. Obviously.” “Did you tell her?” “No. Because I’m a fuck up! She thought I could but I couldn’t. I should’ve told her I couldn't but I didn’t. And I fucked it up.” Of course I did. “But… why would she think you could do that in the first place?” “It’s complicated .” “Complicated?” Why is his every response like that? “Are you just going to repeat everything I say?” “You aren’t giving me a whole lot to work with Oohashi-san. How is it complicated? Was there a misunderstanding? Did you lie?” How is he always so calm ? “I… didn’t lie…” You lied by omission. “I… guess it was a misunderstanding. She… thinks I’m way more talented than I really am and I was too scared to tell her otherwise. I didn’t want her to leave me when she realized I’m not the person she thinks I am. There. Happy? She obviously would be better off with someone else...” With Her. He just hums. “Nothing to say to that, huh?” “Maybe she would…” God… No… “Maybe she wouldn’t. I don’t know Francois-san that well, and my few… encounters with her were… well quite different from the last time that I saw her with you. Even Yu is perplexed by her shift. But there is one thing we have noticed. She seems… happier now, very much. Yu said he doesn’t understand it.” “Even Yu thinks we make no sense. Great .” “That’s not what he said or I said.” He sighs. I must be frustrating. I’m frustrated with myself. He's being nice and listening and I'm being an ass. “Yu said he found her talking with her friends, and she was talking about an anime of all things. He said it was because of you. He eavesdropped for a bit and she was trying to convince her friends to watch it. He didn’t get that .” She was telling her friends to watch… “Dungeon Meshi? We… she’s just read the manga, she hasn’t watched it.” “Oohashi-san, I wasn’t there so I may be getting exact details mixed up. Regardless… it was odd, out of character for her I suppose. Honestly Yu had a better grasp of her than I… I just was the subject of her… advances? Flirtations? Honestly I’m not sure what to call it. If I’m being honest it was off putting and unwelcome. But when I ran into the two of you together… she’s different. The way she talks now is nothing like when she talked to me before.” “Oh…” I mean of course… with all that… but… “What… was she like? Before?” “Mechanical.” There’s little hesitation. “I didn’t really know her but it felt like she was… on autopilot? Maybe? It’s hard to say really. I had known her for less then a month but she left a strong impression. The difference with you is night and day though. Yu’s been keeping tabs on her, and she… maybe Yu would be better to talk to about this-” “ I’m not talking to Yu about this .” “...Fine, Yu has been suspicious of her this whole time. But in his words, she just likes you. Even the ‘stupid’ stuff.” He uses air quotes when he says stupid. Clearly he feels guilty about repeating it. Not like Yu is wrong though. “Ughhhh, of course that’s what he would say… what an ass .” Thane just sighs. At least he shares the sentiment. We sit there for a moment. I don't know why I'm even telling him all of this. “You like her?” “Claire? Of course. She’s perfect!” She's amazing and I don't deserve her. Thane raises a brow, “So perfect that you think she fundamentally misunderstands you?” “Well… I mean… you don’t understand.” “I suppose. I am an outsider. I probably will never understand it like you do. But Francois-san is human, and she can be wrong. She can act irrational, and from my perspective she has acted quite… unusual as of late. But I do think she cares for you. And you care for her. I think it would be a shame if this ended over something like a misunderstanding.” “I don’t want it to end… but she knows now… I’m not her Rae .” “Oohashi-san. Forgive me if this seems… callous, but this outcome seemed destined to happen. It sounds to me like you have been worrying about this image that you think Francois-san has of you, yet you never talked to her about it. Regardless of whether it would be a point of contention for her or not, your relationship would not have survived if you can’t talk to her about these sorts of things.” I was always going to ruin it, wasn’t I? “I can’t speak for how she feels, but it seems genuine. To repeat myself, it really was like night and day. She really was enamored with you when we talked. It was very obvious something was happening. And I think she would want to try to make whatever happened between you two better. But I don’t know what actually happened between you too. I wasn’t there.” “I don’t think she will… and even if she did… I ran away…” “Hmmm…” “God what do I do…?” “Hard to say, but what do you want ? Do you want to apologize, to make amends?” “Can I?” I ran away. “Why not?” It can’t be that simple. “But… I ruined it?” “Worse things have been fixed, Oohashi-san.” Stop making it sound so simple. “But… I can’t… I don’t know if I can be what she wants.” “Have you asked her what she wants? She might have made some assumptions, but aren’t you also making some assumptions if you haven’t asked? If she really wants you to be someone else… well…” He sighs, “ People like that are wrong .” “ She can’t be the one who’s wrong.” “Why?” “She… she knows better than me…?” “Because she’s perfect?” “ You don’t get it .” “No, you don’t get it. She has obviously fallen in love with you, and I can’t claim to be an expert but love seems to have a way of turning people into fools. It’s the worst kept secret that something is going on between you two and Yu says she is fooling no one. Even Rod is asking questions now.” Rod… Every

60_2

one knows… “I c-can’t… I need to-to…” “Oohashi-san? I’m sor-” “I can’t. I’m not her. I can’t cook. I can’t save the world. I can’t even fucking keep it t-together when ev-veryone k-knows. I… I …” Need to not be here.” “Oohashi-san, I-” I’m already up and walking away as he starts up whatever he was going to say. Even Rod knows. Fuck.

29_1

Bars… I knew I wouldn’t like it in a place like this… But I really don’t like it in a place like this. The light is just poor, the music is too everywhere… And it’s too small with too many people. “Are you okay?” Claire asks me, a hand on my arm, she has to raise her voice over the ambient noise “Yah, it's just… umm in here.” She hums and nods in agreement. “I don’t want to linger longer than we have to either. Let's mingle and get it over with.” She pulls me further into the bar, we have to squeeze past people too often, and I am bumping into too many people here. Ugh, this sucks. There is already someone trying to talk to her, she is caught off guard at first but she quickly recovers. With practiced ease she slips into a conversation with what I assume are other students but I don’t really recognize anyone here. My only hope is I might see Misha; or at least Yu, at some point. Wait, is that another person talking to her now? At least she seems in her element, I can’t even hear anything being said right now. Just… zone out Rei. I can do that. Just detach yourself from this body, time is a social construct. It’s already eight now right? Right phone? 6:49 PM How could you betray me phone? At least Claire looks like she is managing okay, she laughs and looks my way for a second. She flashes a quick smile and returns back to the conversation at hand. She seems good at this all things considered, I can’t really hear the specifics of what they are saying, but it looks like they are laughing. At least I don’t need to do anything. I’m just here as an emotional support. Moral support. Rei Oohashi, emotional support girlfriend. Hmph, I’m going to be the best fucking emotional support girlfriend possible. I think. I am helping… right? 6:57 PM Oh just fucking kill me now. Oh Claire is moving back to me, I hope that went we- “Claire-Chan!... and Oohashi-san… So glad you could make it” Fuck that made me jump, oh it’s one of Claire’s lackeys, the pink haired one. “Pepi-Chan, Loretta-Chan!” Claire moves in and gives the two a quick hug, oh, I’m in the conversation circle now…. “We missed seeing you at these, Claire-chan.” Aaaand there's the other lackey. She’s tall aint she? “Sorry Loretta-chan, I don’t really think I’m meant for these anymore.” The second lackey gives me a stink eye. Ha whatever, she kissed me jock . “But… umm how will you keep up with everybody then?” Claire just shrugs, and leans into me…. oooooOOOOHHHhhhh fuck. The lackeys look like they want to kill me. “It’s not really that important in the long run is it? And I like the way things are now…” I can just catch her smirk from the corner of my eye. “We can make time for other get togethers.” Everyone is staring… I can’t help the stray thought… god I can’t help it, I'm trying to scan around and I'm just just overreacting… I think. It’s dark and crowded and everyone is in their own conversations… And I just want to enjoy being with her… that’s okay right? Pink lackey breathes in through her nose, “I guess seeing is believing…” She gives me one more appraisal, she’s not impressed, “At least you made her look reasonable for tonight.” “ Very reasonable if you ask me, but it’s not really that hard if you ask me.” Oh boy, dark, crowded and hot in here. “Riiight, well no one is catching on, as long as you don't shove your hand down further.” Oh fuck please… Claire hums. Pink lackey shakes her head, “I’m getting a drink, do you want your usual Claire-chan?” I can feel her stiffens, “Oooh, sure, Thanks Pepi-chan.” Claire has no idea what she just agreed to drink does she? “Do you want something?” She asks me, oh god no, I shake my head and then she turns to the other lackey. They share a few words, the second one nods and then pinkie leaves, making her way to the bar. “Sooo.” Claire says at the Lackey left behind. “Yes?” “Pepi-chan is looking quite lovely tonight isn’t she?” Huh? She quirks a brow, and then looks at me. “Huh?, I thought you were… I… what?” “Noooo, I just meant don’t you think she looks lovely Loretta-chan?” “Ummm…?” “You should tell her she looks great when she comes back, I’m sure she would love it.” What… is… she doing? “I… I guess? Pepi-chan’s dress does look good.” “Yes! I bet she thinks you look good too, the shirt and slacks really suit you. Quite handsome, I’m sure she thinks so too.” The lackey blushes brightly, “Aaaaa… thank you Claire-chan….” It’s almost impossible to hear as her voice implodes. It is funny to see someone else have a gay panic over Claire. “Pepi-chan is quite cute isn’t she?” Noooo, is she…? Lackey seems to be at a loss for words, and from the looks of it now is stuck in her own head. I can feel Claire sway, somewhat in beat with the music. “Umm, how are you liking this Claire-chan?” I ask her. “Not really that pleasant if I am being honest. This is not like any social gathering I or we ever attended. It’s… oppressive. Thank you for coming with me, are you okay? You seem to be a bit on edge.” “Nooooo… well maybe a little. This really isn’t my thing.” “I know.” She says, and I can feel her hand wrap around mine, “We don’t have to stay too long.” A cough causes us both to startle a little, oh it’s her lackey back, carrying a few drinks, “Here Claire-chan.” It's a tall glass of a reddish drink, a fair bit of ice, staw, and a lemon slice on the side. Claire hesitantly takes it, and her lackey passes a drink to the other one. She looks at her as she takes the drink, a slow glance up and down the pink one, and turns away. “Thanks Pepi…chan.” Oh god, she is blushing again. And Misha gives me grief… I lean into Claire, “Do they….” “Whatever could you be implying…,?” Oh they totally do, she can’t even keep a straight face, she is totally trying to kick it off too. “You are a bad liar.” “Oh hush.” She gives me a playful bump with her shoulder, and then she carefully examines her drink some more. “Do you know what this is?” “You’re asking me?” She gives a hesitant smell, and considers for a second before taking a sip, “Ooooh, that’s sweet.” She gives it one more sip. “Hmm, that is strong.” “You going to be okay?” “I think so, as long as I ration it, I should be fine.” Okay… “So what did those people talk to you about before?” “Oh, it was mostly just your typical pleasantries, honestly I think they were just trying to schmooze but it was polite enough I suppose. I might be bad at straight up lying but I am very good at telling people what they want to hear.” She chuckles. “Did you-” “Oh look who we have here!” Shit. Claire is also startled and we both turn as Yu-san’s older brother weaves his way into our circle. It practically forces the lackeys out. Almost felt bad for them, almost. “Oh Claire-sama, how kind of you to grace us with your presence.” God he isn’t really that loud, but he feels so loud. “Oh Rod-san, it’s good to see you… in one piece.” She is definitely staring at his right arm, what’s so interesting about his arm… did- “And who might you be?” Oh… he is staring right at me, why is he grinning like that? “Umm, Oohashi-san. I’m friends with Francois-san.” He glances curiously at Claire, before snapping back to me. His eyes run up and down… “That sounds familiar, you wouldn’t happen to know my baby brother would you, Yu?” “Yes… I’m friends with him and Misha Jur, we were in the same highschool.” “Oh that’s great. I knew you seemed familiar! What are you doing with Francois-san here?” He asks all conspiratorially, like she isn’t even there. “Do you want to talk for a bit?” What the actual fuck? Clare huffs up, but grits her teeth. “She is also MY dear friend Rod-San.” “If you are looking for Thane, he isn’t going to be here.” He deadpans, and tries to shift his focus back to me. Claire looks hot… I mean pissed. She takes a deep drink, “Well I’m not looking for him!” He sighs and gives an eyeroll, “Sure, I guess you finally took a hint.” “Excuse you? I talked to Thane, maybe if you actually talked to him you would know, it was

29_2

mutual, and Rei is not interested!” Ughh… That gets him to turn back fully to her, he doesn’t look too impressed. “Uh Huh, and you don’t sound upset or jealous, that's why I want to talk to your friend over you.” Fuck “Oh god, young Rod.” Claire mumbles and then takes another drink, oh that’s going away quickly… “I have someone, and it’s not You or Thane.” She moves slightly between me and him, making a bit of a barrier. “Then how about you go bug them, and let me talk to your friend.” She wickedly cackles, like the perfect villainess catching the hero in a perfect trap. “You think she wants to talk to You ?” Oh god she is perfect. He looks a bit taken aback, but decides to ignore her once again, now focusing right on me. “Oohashi-san, would you like to exchange nu-” “No.” … Oh shit, that just slipped out, wait fuck, he was asking for my number? REAlly? He really was trying to pick me up, oh god please no… I feel Claire lean into me and she weaves her arms around mine, very possessively and if it weren’t for all the eyes I can feel on us I might just die happy right now. “See?” She says very triumphantly, “She is Mine. ” She laughs again and how does it sound so perfect? “Fine,” he finally looks ready to call it quits, “I… hope you enjoy the party, let me know if you change your mind, Oohashi-san.” And he pushes back into the crowd. Everyone is watching us, like actually watching us now. Claire is still clinging to my arm, and her drink is completely drained. There is a laugh from the side and fuck I am so on edge. “Never thought I would see you here Rei-chan, with Francois-san nonetheless.” It’s Yu, and he has Misha with him too. Unlike me, Yu looks in his element, Misha might be a bit bored. “Yu!” Claire glees, “It’s so good to see you, oh I hardly recognize you!” She gives his arm a pat, and it looks like she is looking for something not there. Do all the Bauers just look wrong to her? Yu definitely looks taken off guard by that, Claire seems to have a way of doing that to people doesn't she, “Is that so…? Might I suggest laying off the drinks then my dear?” He says smoothly, Claire just laughs, a bit too freely. Misha glares at her though and places herself part way in between the two… it's def not jealousy right? “I’m surprised she dragged you here Rei.” Yu comments. “Oh yah, hahaha, Claire-san wanted me to come so…” I can feel Claire tighten up along me, wrapping her arm around mine again… oh god. She just smirks, like it is her victory. Who are you fighting? “Well when did this happen? I heard from Misha that you two have become friends … and I also heard some interesting things from Thane, seems that that ship has finally sailed away.” Yu's enjoying this, the shit. Claire laughs, “Yes I suppose it has, he was rather sweet about it.” “Reaaally?” Claire just smiles, I can feel her warmth seep into me. I’m burning up. Yu laughs, “I would have never guessed.” “It certainly is something .” Misha deadpans, thank god she hasn’t been telling any major secrets to Yu. She is just so much better at this than me. “I am dying to know how this,” He waves between us, a slight grin on his face, “Happened.” Fuck… He def knows, not about Claire’s Isekai but us , of course he knows. He isn’t an idiot, even if Misha said absolutely nothing, he knows I am the gayest lesbian ever. He can put two and two together, he can see that I am blushing and I know Misha has been telling him what an idiot I am for having a crush on Claire. At least my crush is going somewhere, Misha. “Whatever could you mean ?” Claire hums, clearly happy to play along and continue to hang on my arm. “Oh, whatever could I mean ?” Yu gives me a smirk. Fuck. “It’s good to see you here with Misha-chan Yu-chan … would you two…?” She counters, and Yu blushes a little. “ Francois-san …” There is a warning edge to Misha’s voice. Did Claire talk to Misha about something before?, “Did you two-” “We had a talk after she decided to… friend with you Rei. I just hope she remembers to not out people before they are ready? Right Rei?” Misha states, more so than asks me, just glaring at Claire. “Oh… umm…” Claire pouts, “I haven’t said anything about anyone…” “Are… you okay with this Rei?” Yu asks, oddly sincerely. God, am I okay with my crush, the hottest girl I have ever seen, the girl who seems perfectly tailored to my tastes, who is totally into me, who thinks I was her perfect wife in her past life… am I okay with whatever this is. Oh god yes. “yeS.” Squeaks out. Fuck it’s way to warm in here. Claire just tightens gently around me after I say that, I don’t even need to see her face to know she is grinning madly. Yu, looks a little less concerned but he still looks confused, can’t really fault him for that. “Well I guess this will be our little secret…” He leans to Claire’s ear and whispers something I can’t make out. When he pulls back there is a serious look on Claire’s face, “I will never do that, I will always be there for her… and I will be there for you and Misha as well, for whatever that may come.” He was not expecting that, but he just laughs, “Oh, well aren’t you full of surprises ? Well I hope you two enjoy your night. Misha I heard that Tanaka-san was making a fine ass of himself and he is somewhere to be found, shall we?” Misha just rolls her eyes at his glee, “Sure, but don’t complain when it’s not really that interesting.” Yu just laughs and pulls Misha through the crowd, it's wild how easy it is to lose track of people in such a small bar. At least I can’t really lose track of Claire when she is clinging to me… she is putting more weight onto me though isn’t she? “Umm Claire-san?” “Goodness, I feel just a touch dizzy. I think that drink went straight to my head.” Oh… “Are you okay?” “I think I need a moment… just let me cling here…” “Oh jesus Claire-chan!” Fuck the pink haired one jumpscared me. “I just gave you that drink.” “sorry.” she mumbles softly. The lackey pinches her nose, “Great, she doesn’t usually get like this until at least two drinks… really? Why did you think you could down that so quickly?” “rod was being rude. rei is mine…” She slurs. Oh she really is leaning on me for support now. “God you are a disaster, We should take her home before this becomes worse.” Wait, escape? “Oh, yes, let's do that.” She rolls her eyes. “Come on Claire-chan, let’s get you out of here, come on Oohashi-san.” “rei has to come…” “Yes, yes.” She starts to pull us through the crowd to the door. “Watch the steps with her.” she says once we break the threshold and start navigating the stairs back to the street. Out of the corridor the air is cooler again, and I can hear everything normally again. Thank god. “Come on otaku.” “Ugh, thanks… umm…” “Pepi Barlier.” “Thanks Barlier-san” There are soft mumbles from Claire as we start walking towards her dorm, it is mostly quiet. I don’t really know what to say to her lac- friend. “What did you do?” “Ugh…?” Claire seems mostly out of it at this point, just hanging on my arm as we slowly move down the street. “She didn’t even know your name a month ago.” She’s mad at me. “You think I can explain it?” She groans, “How did this even start?” “I don’t know. She walked right up to me and said she loved me.” “soooo much.” Claire manages to add while her face is in my shoulder. Oh god I love her. Barlier-san doesn't look… thrilled, but she doesn’t look like she is trying to pick a fight either. I think she just wants to understand, an explanation. It must seem weird. It is weird “Umm, how… you’ve been friends with her for a while?” “Highschool”, she doesn’t offer much more elaboration. “So she’s changed?” “Yes.” “Ho-” “Did you do something?” “Excuse me?” “Magic, mind control? I don’t fucking know.” She huffs. Jeez, that wouldn’t be an easier explanation than whatever version of isekai Claire has. “No, I really didn’t do anything like that, and I wouldn’t if I could. I never talked to her before, but she came up to me… and was just honest. I listened and…I guess she told you already, I’m not going to lie, I had… have a massive crush on her, I was too nerv

29_3

ous to even talk to her.” “So the whole tutor thing has been a lie?” “Oh, no that’s true, she needs the help and we haven’t had much chance to do much else.” She makes a face that I can’t really make out in the dark, maybe she is just annoyed at the lack of confirming evidence? “So you aren’t dating?” “Ughh, we did sorta go on a date last sunday…” Wow, that night is going to be a memory for a while, I'm feeling flush even in the cool air. “Lu-ck-y you...” “Yah…” She huffs, and just focuses on walking the path. “So like, what were you guys like, was she like a Regina George?” There is a humorless laugh “Sure, whatever I guess. You weren't there, we don’t have to justify anything.” “I… sorry that was maybe… well very rude, I’m just trying to piece it together. I don’t think she liked the way she used to be.” “Can we just get Claire-chan back?” “She just doesn’t talk a lot about what she was like, just that she didn’t like it.” She groans, “What do you think I am going to say, that we were terrible? Look, we looked out for each other. You think it’s easy going to a private school where everyone's mom or dad is some big shot politician, an actor or some rich asshole? Where you get judged for every little fucking thing. Claire-chan took care of us.” “I-” “And we were going to be doing that just fine but then YOU show up and now all her priorities have fucking screwed up? She always said she wanted Thane-san for the clout and now she is saying she LOVES YOU!? That we are her friends? She never fucking said that before. She never told us what she was thinking! How is she… happy now?! What fucking happened?!” “...pepi…” I can hear Claire mumbling and reaching out towards her friend. “Huh?” “... come here” Pepi comes closer, and Claire pulls her into a hug. “I wish I told you how important you were.” She says slowly. I can see Pepi-san just still as Claire closes her arms around more so, like an animal caught in headlights. After a moment she coughs, “Sheesh Claire… um you don’t need…” Her voice wavers. “Hush you dolt, let me apologize.” “...” I should give them some space I think, god I feel awkward right now- “Why noW?” Oh fuck she is crying now. “sorry, I don kno…” Claire just hums as she holds her friends crying softly. I… should I be here for this? We are just in the middle of the walkway… Eventually I can hear them calm down. “Better?” Claire asks. “Yeah… hey Oohashi-san, take your girlfriend.” Girlfriend… Oh snap out it Rei. “Right, yes, yes.” Claire hesitantly lets go, but once she sees I am available there is a sly grin and she hangs herself off me. Ouph, well this is awkward but at least we can move again… if slowly. “Umm… Barlier-san…?” She turns her head to regard me, but doesn’t offer much more than a hum. “I just wanted to say I sorta get it. It’s not the same, but it’s also not not the same… I… a close friend of mine took his life in highschool because he was born with a girl’s body and…” “Jeez, I… sorry.” “Thanks, I just… yah it sucks. God he even outed me as a lesbian in middle school-” There is a sudden tightening and growling coming from Claire at that moment. I can just catch the icy glare from the corner of my eye. I try to catch my breath again, “Umm, and yeah I don’t know what you had to go through and that wasn’t the same, obv, but…” “Yah, yah. I get it. You can drop it already.” “Yah… yah, sorry.” “Ugh, stop apologizing, it’s fine okay? Whatever. This is your fault, but fine . Whatever… Claire is happy now. Just don’t fuck this up or I will get Loretta to fucking kick your ass.” Right. Yes. Just don’t fuck this up.

46_1

“Okay, so this place isn’t high end by any stretch of the imagination, but they do meat good. My treat.” Shiko wears a wide grin as she directs us into a small bar. We did much better than Shiko earlier estimates, there were only a handful of doujin left. Few enough that we could pack them away in our bags for later. Shiko even let some go for pretty cheap near the end. Oh wow, it smells good here. We grab a table in the back and Claire sets our bags on the seat next to her. I really wasn’t expecting her to buy anything, let alone that much. She bought all of Dungeon Meshi… I should marry her- God I don’t need to sound unhinged in my mind please. “Everything alright Rei?” “Oh, yah definitely… so, umm… what did you think? You seemed to enjoy yourself.” That's what she said. Shut. Up. Shiko leans her elbows on the table, and rests her chin on the back of her intertwined hands, grinning… “It was very lovely meeting you Shiko-san finally.” Shiko winks, “I have to say the same Claire-san.” Claire smiles, and looks back to me, “It was really lovely, we should do it again when we can properly enjoy it. I should have a better idea of… well everything later too I imagine. I’m still quite new to… well you know, everything .” She chuckles cutely at her joke, thank god Shiko doesn’t know what she was hinting at. “You're blushing Oohashi.” “Shut up Shiko” God why do I put up with her. “So Shiko-san, do you do this sort of thing often?” At least Claire is enjoying this. “Oh, yah for a few years now. Started in highschool. Small, but I kept ramping up each time and it kept working so yah. I love drawing and I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it.” “I’ll say, your works are lovely. You have a real talent for it.” “Thanks, your girlfriend’s a charmer Oohashi.” She could be quieter about the girlfriend part. “I look forward to reading them, Bonds looks sinfully delightful I must say.” “ Ohh, yah that was a fun one, Rei had a bunch of good feedback for that one.” The bondage one ? “SHIKO!” Are you for real? “Is something the matter Rei?” Claire asks, “It’s fine Rei, you don’t need to be self conscious about it.” Shouldn’t I? “We shouldn't be talking about that sort of thing here.” Claire pouts, “ Fine , I suppose you are right about that. Thank you again Shiko-san for these.” Shiko grins, and eyes me. You little shit . It doesn’t take too long for the waiter to stop by and take out orders. Even Claire decides to order a meat cutlet. Shiko also gets a beer, but Claire ultimately thinks better of it and we both just get water. It’s probably for the best, even if I like clingy Claire . Soon rice and meat are served, and god after today, it’s just perfect. Claire and Shiko both look to be enjoying it too. Claire’s meal looks way too big for how delicately she is approaching it. She really does feel like she comes from a different time in these little moments. “Shiko this is excellent, there is so much good food everywhere. You really were cheating, weren’t you Rei?” Claire grins. “Huh? Oh… I guess?” Oh no. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Shiko asks. “Oh Rei is just fantastic when it comes to cooking.” Claire beams. “Really?” Please don't ask Shiko . “Sure?” God, just say you're not already, you idiot . “Oh don’t be so modest.” Shiko gives me a look, fuck she is going to ask about that later isn’t she? “So what was Rei like when she was in highschool?” Oh please, can we stop talking about me already? Shiko’s look just turns mischievous though and she gives a toothy grin. “What would you like to know?” “Anything, Everything .” Claire's grin nearly matches Shiko. “Ah come on, I’m not really that interesting.” “Hush, you never talk about yourself. You were also friends with Misha?” “As a consequence of Rei, yah. Yu too I guess because of that. Misha shared a class with Rei. After the whole love square thing Rei got way more into otaku stuff. She didn’t quite hangout at the manga club at school as much but she kept reading a lot more on her own. And she also started playing games a lot, lots of RPGS, even the bad ones.” Wow that was judgey. “Oh come on, they weren’t that bad.” “ Sure , anyways for a while she was either playing at home on a PS4, reading some manga, bonus points if it was a yuri, or walking around playing on her DS. And you can’t forget about your fan fics either.” Shiko smirks at that last addition. Please don't mention the fics. Claire looks a little caught up on the names, “PS4 and DS are things to play games on, kinda like we do on the laptop, they are just meant mainly for games.” “Do you still play with those? I haven’t seen you play anything other than when we play Persona.” “Oh… I’ve just been busy. I have my DS stil, and a Vita, couldn’t afford a Switch right now. And my PS4 is too big to take so it’s at home. And since we have… started dating, y’know. Not much time.” And it's not like I want to cut into my Claire time. Claire hums, “I suppose.” “She was also way in the dumps back then.” “Shiko!” She just shrugs, you asshole. “What? You were. You were really depressed back then. Even if you don’t want to say it. She got better; like I said before, in highschool. But she was still really into all that stuff. You caught Misha reading Dungeon Meshi right?” “Yah…” “She was so excited, she told me right away but was too chicken to bring up with Misha for a week.” “Shiiiiiko!” God stooooop. Claire starts laughing, at least she is enjoying it. “No this is my right as your bestie, deal with it . Anyways she eventually broke and gushed to Misha about it. And they became friends. Misha’s not that much of an Otaku, not like us, but she likes the occasional fantasy stuff I think. She’s also been reading Frieren?” “Yah… I don’t know… it’s fine .” “Oh boo hoo, I’m sorry it doesn’t have the same gay vibes as Dungeon Meshi.” Shiko reaches over and ouch! She flicked my forehead. “Don’t glare Rei.” Claire takes a practiced sip from her drink, how does she look so proper? “You’re taking her side, Claire?” “I’m always on your side dear.” gaAAahh . Shiko cackles, then takes a drink from her beer. “So yah, that was highschool. She tragically stayed an otaku.” She sombers a bit, “You told her about Misaki and…?” Claire casts her eyes down and before I can answer, “Yes, I know what Misaki went through as well.” That’s coming up soon… I hate that time of the year- oh that’s Claire’s hand. I loosen my hand and let her hold mine. This is always nice. “That happened. That really sucked. For everyone. We bounced back eventually. Misaki and Kosaki went to a different highschool, and we stayed in touch here and there after, but second year was a shock when we heard.” Shiko lets the silence hang a bit after that, “Anyways didn’t want to bring down the mood.” “Oh please don’t worry. I know it must have been hard.” Claire leans gently on me. If she didn’t know about this… would I have ever believed her? “That’s next month isn’t it?” Claire asks. What ? “Ugh… yah? Did you already ask her to come, Rei?” Shiko asks surprised. Did I? I didn’t but… Of course. RAE told her. “Yes?” I look at Claire and hope she just agrees She nods, “I never miss it.” Her hold on my hand tightens softly. …Breathe. “Cool, I’ll let Kosaki know then. Since you're still sorta awkward around her.” She points her chopsticks at me, oh come on, most people would be awkward in my spot. I’m kinda tired about being talked about, “Well I went to Uni after highschool. Shiko here decided to try to make it as a mangaka.” “Oh, a manga artist and author, correct? Are you not already doing that?” “She means professionally, I’m trying to get a deal with a publishing company but most say I don’t have enough experience, well professional experience. So I make do by doing events, commissions online and other things. Today was a good sale. I think I’m good for a while at least. Again, thanks you two, it would have been a mess by myself.” “You said you've been doing this for a few years… is that not experience?” Claire questions. Shiko sighs, “They want”, Shiko makes air quotes, “ Real experience, they want someone who's already published stuff. In a magazi

46_2

ne. It's hard to stand out, and yuri is niche . It's not all bad, I think I'm close. Some publishers are actually looking for stuff like mine, and those talks have been better. But it feels like I would need to have a viral hit for some of them to really take me seriously. Blah.” It's been rough for her, but she's been determined to make it work. I wish I had the confidence to do that. “It’s good that you have been making it work so far, I really do think you have talent for it. Rei, have you thought of doing something like it? Writing, I mean?” “Huh? What? Why would I try to do that?” Claire scoffs in turn, “Because your writing is excellent of course.” What? “No… it’s not.” “Yes it is, mostly… I thought you said you didn’t read her fics Claire-san?” Shiko interjects and quirks her brow. Wait what? “Oh, well I haven’t.” Claire gives me a stink eye. Oh come on . “She won’t let me see it, but I have read some of the prose she has written. You are very talented at it, Rei. I’m not just saying it.” Prose I haven’t written though. Prose Rae wrote. “Look, I just write my stupid stuff. It’s not good.” “Yes it is!” Claire is just shy of raising her voice. “Rei, I wouldn’t be reading your stuff this long if I didn’t enjoy it.” Shiko sounds annoyed. “Look, just cause it’s fun doesn’t mean it’s good.” “It is, and I think you would enjoy it if you made it a career like Shiko does with manga.” Claire crosses her arms, are we fighting? “But… that’s so hard to do, to make a living off… it sounds nice but I don’t think it’s realistic.” “Realistic? But…” Claire doesn’t finish the thought, instead she glances down and sighs. “Fine, I’m sorry if I’m pushing you too much. I just think you do have a talent for it. I just want you to… to enjoy what you do.” “It’s a nice thought… but I’m already enrolled in classes. It would be dumb to bail on them and switch into something completely different wouldn’t it? I’d lose my scholarships and I don’t have that kind of money and…” “I would help.” Claire says, it sounds so vulnerable. Tantalizing. A part of me wants to just say yes. God what do I say to that. I can’t? I don’t want to disappoint her. But I don’t think I can do this. She has to know I’m not her Rae right? I’m not anything like her. Rae the hero. Rae the master chef. Rae the author. Rae her… wife. I’m going to fuck this up… Claire surprises me, she nestles her head into my shoulder. Oh wow. “Just think about it.” I just nod. That’s easier than saying the wrong thing. Feels like I do that a lot. “So you enjoy today then Claire-san?” Thank god Shiko. Thank you for taking the heat off of me. “It was fun honestly. I wish I could help again sometime, but I expect school will be keeping us very busy.” Claire wraps her arm around mine as she really settles into the nook she has carved out. “Don’t worry about it, it was an emergency and Ami didn’t exactly give me a heads up either… bitch.” Shiko sighs, and scoops up a bit of her leftover food. “I have to say, you two are cute together. Rei you seem too worried-” “What?” “-but you two have a good vibe honestly.” Shiko smiles, not one of her grins either. It’s just… genuine. “Thank you Shiko. It really was good to finally meet you too.” Claire responds, and she just hums softly on my shoulder.

45_1

“Hey Claire, you should take a break now, go wander about, Rei and I should be good for a bit.” Shiko says after she puts away the money from the last purchase. Claire looks a little hesitant. “Oh are you certain? I would enjoy another perusal but I don’t have to.” “Nah it’s good, go take another sweep of the floor, it’s winding down anyways, and most of my stock is sold too. We got a couple hours left before we pack it in and grab dinner.” Claire nods, “Okay, well take care of Rei for me, I’ll return back shortly.” She then turns to me, I feel her take my hand squeezed under the table by her and she gives me a wink. “I’ll see you soon Rei.” I can feel my mask shift as a smile forms underneath it, “Have fun, I’m sure I’ll survive.” “You better .” She grins, collects herself and slips out from our booth. She gives one last turn and a wave and disappears into the aisles. “Wow she has it bad for you.” Shiko sounds somewhere between surprised and impressed. “Really?” “Are you for real?” Okay, now she looks unimpressed. “What? I mean… I… I’m the one whose... Aren’t I the hopeless one?” “Never said you weren’t but she is too, have you seen how she looks at you?” Yes, doesn't mean it makes sense. I gulp… “Yeah… I…” “And the way she talks to you, or about you. Girl likes you.” “Yah, but like it’s… I don’t know… complicated?” Shiko gives me a side eye, “Is it really?” Yes . God I can’t just tell her that she didn’t fall in love with me first, she fell in love with a different version of me first. “Okay, fine yes, I know she likes me. I can be stupid but I’m not an idiot.” “Are you worried…?” “No… I don’t know. It feels too good to be true, and there’s stuff I can’t really talk about…” “You can’t talk about it with me ?” “I shouldn't talk about it, it’s a privacy thing.” Shiko’s eyes draw tight. “It’s not a bad thing is it… like the thing you can’t talk-” “No, it’s not. I don’t know how to talk about it without explaining it, and I can’t do that.” Shiko loosens up, “Fine, but you know I’ll keep a secret if I have to, right?” She would. “I know, I trust you Shiko, but Claire trusts me. And I’m not going to ruin this.” “You’re not going to ruin anything Rei, she loves being around you.” But like… why? I don't feel like I've done anything to warrant it. I'm not saving her life… I'm showing her how to play video games. “Fine, we don’t have to talk about that. You two have moved fast, it’s only been a couple weeks now? If I didn't know it almost seems like it’s been years, you sure you two just hooked up?” I know she is joking but… “I like her… a lot.” “Yah, I know. It’s very obviously mutual you dork.” “Yah but what if I’m not what she thinks I am, what if she thinks I’m better than I am and then I just turn out to be a disappointment? I don’t feel like who she thinks I am. I feel like a creep, I feel like I’m always playing catch up, I don’t know what I’m doing.” Please shut up me. “Whoa, Rei relax, come on. No one really knows what they are doing… have you talked to her about this?” “Sorta… I don’t know, it’s hard… I should just… but…” “Hey Rei, calm down, look you trust her right?” “Yes…?” “So start with that, I know that Kosaki did you bad before… but that was middle school, you're an adult now. The stakes aren’t the same.” “The stakes are worse now.” “They aren’t Rei, they're different but if things go bad, you can move on. You're not trapped in a classroom with her and have to see her twenty-four seven.” “Move on?” Leave her ? “If things go bad, Rei, come on. I’m trying to help but you need to get out of your own head too. She doesn’t want that. I think she has a pretty good idea of who you are, even if it’s only been a few weeks. She has you read if I’m being honest, and I really don’t think she’s off the mark. She’s going to be okay with what you're feeling. She’s going to be okay if you feel insecure, she’s not expecting you to be a superhero.” Easy for you to say Shiko. Rae was a superhero. Didn't she say they saved the world? “Hello.” My focus snaps to a person who has approached our table, looking up at them… …What is she doing here? “Hello Rei, I thought Claire was going to be here too.” Manaria says, she glances down casually at all the leftover doujin on the table. “So this is what you were doing today?” Ah fuck, I… “If you wanted to talk to Claire, she should be back in a bit, she went on break. We are helping my friend sell her work.” “Yo.” Shiko eyes Manaria cautiously. “If you have questions about anything, this is my stuff. I’m the degen.” Manaria laughs, “Oh how delightful, any recommendations?” “If you want something vanilia I suggest Why do I keep running into my Childhood Rival , if you want something spicier I have Longing for You , or Your Dirty Little Secrets .” Shiko is def putting on her customer service face right now, and not asking questions. Manaria regards her for a bit and turns back to me, “Do you have any recommendations?” GOD. “What do you want?” “I wanted to see Claire, I was also bored. I figured this wasn’t the worst way to spend the evening. How is dating my little cousin by the way?” “It’s. Great.” Manaria arches her brow. “It sounds great, she’s not treating you badly is she?” Is that concern? “No, god, what do you want?” “What? I can’t be interested in the first thing my cousin actually talks about?” God what is it about her… Calm down Rei… you are just snapping. “I’m sorry, I’m just… I don’t know… tense. It’s been busy.” “You know I’m not going to make a big deal about being there when we caught you half naked with Claire chewing on you… well I’m probably going to tease you two about it, but you go girl.” “WAIT WHAT?” Shiko turns to me, “YOU SAID YOU WERE ONLY KISSING.” “Fuck can you two keep your voices down? The last time I talked to you that was… all we did. And we didn’t sleep with each other… well we slept in a bed-” “I can’t believe you would leave me out of the loop like this.” Shiko clicks her teeth. “It was just a few.. Um some hickeys… and like we it didn’t go any further.” “Cause her mom and I crashed the party.” Manaria grins. “Woa….” Stop looking at me like that Shiko. “It wasn’t going to go any further than that!” I shout. “She isn’t forcing you is she?” Manaria says, the glibness has dropped from her voice. I think I hate this pity or whatever even more though. “Why do you care?” Fuck, I’m snapping again. “Why Indeed. Maybe, just maybe, I was a bit worried.” “I don’t know you.” You just irritate me. “And I don’t know you either, but you are dating my cousin. And despite what you think, I do care about her. You know nobody is telling me anything? Maybe you don’t know this but Claire has changed, we weren’t that close necessarily but I remember when her dad died. I know how she was last year. So can you blame me if I want to suss out what’s going on?” “I don’t know what you think I can tell you…?” And it's not like I would. “Look, I’m not trying to grill you-” “Could have fooled me.” She smirks at me, “I’m happy for you two, and glad your little reveal didn’t go anywhere as catastrophic as mine did. I don’t want that to happen to Claire, not when she seems to be doing better now.” “Nothing bad is going to happen, I won’t let it.” “Good.” She says coolly, as her attention turns back to the doujin. “Good.” God she is fucking miserable. “Oh, this looks cute, How do I Marry the Villainess? I'll take this and all the other ones you mentioned before. Hell if you are hiding anything depraved, throw that in too…?” She pauses as she looks at Shiko now. “Kanato, Shiko Kanato.” “Yes, thank you Kanato-san, These look fun. Might as well enjoy myself now that my shame is out.” That makes Shiko click her teeth, in a pissed off way. “There’s no shame in being in gay, or queer, whatever the label. I don’t know what you went through but if your family or whatever is being shitty, that’s on them, not you

45_2

. There is nothing wrong with being queer.” Manaria wasn’t expecting to get told off by Shiko like that, she blinks before she recovers. “Right… of course. I’ll make sure to let my father know the next time I see him then.” “Sister?” Was that Claire ? We all turn and see Claire behind Manaria, she looks to be carrying a small tray of fries, and a bag at her side, did she buy more stuff? Are those pride pins? “Sister?” Manaria shifts again, getting mischievous, “We aren’t five anymore Claire, what do you have there cuz?” Claire fumbles a bit, at least she wasn’t expecting this either. “Oh, apologies, of course. I was just not expecting… what are you doing here?” “You mentioned you would be at a thing. I was bored waiting around and it sounded like it could be interesting. So I looked it up online and came down. Not my usual fare, but it was fun.” Manaria has moved herself behind Claire, and puts her hands on her shoulders “And I missed you.” She grins at me. What are you doing? “Oh I see… I’m sorry I don’t know if I can be quite so available now, we still have a few hours before we finish.” Manaria chuckles, “Oh don’t worry about that, I wasn’t even sure if this would be the one. I just needed something to do. Running into you and your girlfriend was just an extra bonus.” “I’m sure messing with me was a bonus too.” I mumble. “Did you say something Rei?” Claire asks, “What? No!” Fuck I must have mumbled that to loudly. “Did you say anything untoward to Rei, Manaria?” There is an edge to her voice, she tries to look over her shoulder at Manaria. Manarai feigns shock. “My, sooo possessive, relax Claire. We’re all good aren’t we?” “Suuure.” “Did you have an idea on where to go for tomorrow's lunch? I think I have a suggestion, I wanted to try some sushi, I found a place that I think won’t be too busy.” “Oh… Sushi? Umm, Yes, if you have a place already in mind that should work. You can send me a message with your phone to let me know the specifics.” “Sure, I’ll text you the deets then. Oh and you should bring Rei as well. The more, the merrier afterall.” Can you stop grinning at me? Claire blanches a little at that, and looks to me, “Rei. Would you like to?” Wow she sounds strained. I don’t want to… but I also don’t really want to leave her alone with Manaria either, what if she tries to grill her for more information too…? I should be there just to be back up. “Sure, as long as you want me there Claire-chan.” Shiko snickers. “Chan?” Oh my god, it’s embarrassing saying just Claire infront of everyone! “Excellent, I really am looking forward to getting some local sushi, I looove fish.” Are you fucking for real? “Then it’s a date, I’m sorry I haven’t had much chance to catch up until now. It is nice to see you again.” Claire says. “It’s good that you have been doing well as well Claire. Well have fun with your nerd stuff. I should be heading out soon.” She pays for and collects her doujin, gives Claire a hug and waves as she departs. Good riddance. “You’re on edge, she didn’t…” “Oh… no I’m fine… I don’t know, it was weird. She’ soooo…” My words just kinda trail off. “I’m sorry, you didn't have to agree to come if you didn't want to.” “But I don’t want to leave you alone with her.” “I can manage Rei.” “I know… but I want to.” “You're so sweet, I do appreciate it, but I think she is just trying to rile you up.” She slips back around the table, sets the food down on the side and drops her new bag off and takes a seat next to me. Her hand finds mine again. Oh… That’s always nice. “Oh, what’s sushi?” Claire asks. “Hmmm? What’s sushi, what do you mean?” Have I never mentioned Sushi before? “Just what I meant.” “Wait, how do you not know what sushi is?” Shiko butts in, we both look at her, and she looks surprised. “It’s fish, raw fish on rice and seaweed, and then like a hundred variations on that.” Claire gulps, “Raw?” Shiko laughs. “Yes, don’t worry it’s safe, it’s fresh. It’s not for everyone though.” “No… I can do this…” She doesn't sound too sure. “It surely can’t be that bad? Right?” “It’s delicious, but it’s also not the cheapest thing. Man, I could go for some of the good stuff…” Shiko gets lost in the thought. “It’s fine, it’s really not for everyone, I can let you know what’s safe to start with okay?” “O…kay.” Claire smiles, but it’s strained. She’s not fooling anyone. Hopefully it’s not that bad for her. “So you got some more stuff?” There are now two full bags sitting beside her. “Oh, yes, just a moment.” She hands the food over, careful to keep it away from the merchandise. “I got some fries to tide us over for now, and I also looked more at some of the merchants selling manga. Did you know there is a manga for Persona Five?” “Hmm? Oh yeah… I haven’t really checked it out, there is also an anime…” She fishes out a book and holds it out in front of me. “No… Did you…?” She grins oh so delightfully. “Yes, I only bought some of the first volumes. The merchant said that it was still being made. Anyways I thought you might like to read it… I bought it in excitement but then realized I would rather experience it the way we were already doing it by playing the game. Did you want to read them for me for now?” “Seriously?” Oh the cover looks so slick, “Oh wow this is cool, I would love to!” “You are playing Persona with her?” come Shiko, I don't need you to make fun of me too. “Oh yes, it’s wonderful. We started on our first date after we went to the zoo.” “Oh. My. God. Rei you have no fucking game. You played video games on your first date?” “Hey, give me a break!” Not you too ? “It was lovely, don’t tease her too much Shiko.” They share a look and Claire laughs, “Anyways I didn’t want to overdo it with buying things today, so I only picked up the first few. How are the wares faring.” “Good, whatever is left at the end of day will fit into a box… maybe two?” “How many did we have to start with? “Twenty-five.” “Goodness.” “It was a good day, and thanks to you two. It would have been a nightmare running this by myself.” “Oh it was a pleasure. It was a lot of work but it was well worth it. This event was also lovely, I’m glad I got to experience this side of Rei.” “Don’t take this the wrong way Claire-san. You sound like an old timey rich girl, but you really don’t act like one.” Claire laughs, well cackles, god I love when she does that . “Oh well that took a long time to grow out of, I had… help . I did grow up quite spoiled, but I grew out of most of it. I think the more egregious parts are mostly gone.” “Hey, you got your hands dirty, that’s a plus in my books.” Shiko gives me a wink. Wow, Claire is a natural at getting along with people isn't’ she? I had thought that maybe it was because she was cheating with her old knowledge… but she hasn’t really met Shiko right? She said she only knew about her and all that second hand right? Either way, at least Shiko seems to like her. I don’t know, maybe I was a bit too worried about this wasn’t I?

69

I’m not sure at first, but I think I hear a sniff. Then it happens a second time. I look up from my phone and glance over at Claire. She's pulled herself tight around the phone, eyes glued to it. How long has it been ? Her eyes are watering slightly and she sniffs again. Do I do something ? Is she still reading my fic? I sent her the right one, right? Yeah, I did I’m— There’s another sniff, and I hear Claire put the phone down. She looks far off as tears trail down her cheeks. “Are you okay, Claire…?” She nods. “Y-yes… just give me a moment.” She wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Is she upset? She doesn’t seem upset, just… I didn’t think what I wrote was that… moving? “I finished. What you wrote…it’s us.” What? She turns and looks at me. There are still tears, but she’s smiling. “That was us, that was you saving me. The feeling , it was the same…” She takes a wavery inhale. “It’s us .” “I… ?” “The heroine—she’s you. You wanted to save me like she saved Lady Shouko. It’s like a blueprint, it’s the why, the need. How you never give up on me. I will always recognize it. It's you. Rei, I love you. ” She looks so beautiful. It’s not the first time she’s said it. But this time… it hits differently. Harder . My heart aches and soars. I don’t quite understand everything I’m feeling. It’s overwhelming, it's amazing, it’s frightening. “I love you, Claire.” I know that much, at least. Her eyes are locked with mine, and there’s another sniff as if she’s trying to hold it all together. I get up from my seat, and I also have to sniff to hold back tears. I stand next to her and she extends her hand. I take it, and she pulls me down. Her other hand moves to my face, a gentle caress before she pulls me even closer and kisses me. I can feel her need, her passion. She wants me to know . She wants me to know how much she loves me. More than she can say with words, more than she can convey with just her body. “I love you, Claire.” I want to show her. I want to see it. I want to live it. She wipes her eyes again, and they are lit from within. Burning. I don’t quite trust my voice but I want to try. I have to. “I want to… I want to…” She smiles. She’s so patient. “What do you want, Rei?” “ You. I’m yours .” I swear I can see the embers in her eyes smolder. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn't need to. She understands. Her lips find mine again and I am ready.

47_1

“That was a long day.” Claire and I manage the walk back to the dorms with not too much fanfare. I feel tired, and I think she is too. But she has been a bit quiet. At least the evening is nice, and not raining. The temperature is enough that the walk isn’t unpleasant. “Do you mind if we sit down Rei?” “Something wrong?” “Not really, I’m… or well this me doesn't seem quite used to such long treks.” She laughs. “I just want to give my feet a rest for a bit. The moon is lovely, isn’t it?” “Ahh sure… wait?” …I can die happy ? “Hrmm?” She tilts her head playfully. Despite being tired her eyes still glitter. She knows. She knows what that means… “I know. Did I tell you that one?” “You did, and you also said the normal response is I can die happy. But neither of us really wanted to hear the other say it like that so we just said ‘I know’ in turn.” Wait… “Huh? I didn’t know that’s-” “Rei I know… I just wanted to say it. Let’s sit down.” There is an easy smile on her face as she moves towards a bench and sits the bags next to her. It’s quiet tonight, I don’t really see anyone else out walking. Sitting down wasn’t a bad idea, we have been up for a long time haven’t we. “So… how was today? It wasn’t too much was it? Like everything?” God why do I keep asking. Claire has her eyes shut for a moment, takes a light breath and looks at me softly. “Today was wonderful. Busy, but wonderful. I’m glad I got to meet Shiko, really. I always wondered what it would be like on this side, to be part of your life here. I want to keep seeing more of it, Rei.” “Even the weird parts?” She laughs, “I think you worry too much. You have always been weird Rei, that’s what I loved about you. You were always yourself, not who everyone told you to be.” I wish… “And if you're still worried about Shiko’s work upsetting me, don’t. I admit, some of it was surprising, at least to see it in paper for the first time.” She laughs, “And some of the ones I had seen at other stands were quite… out there. Either way, a fantasy is different from reality. We played out many fantasies my dear, but those never left the bedroom. I would never try to hurt you for real after all.” Wait what? “You would hurt me?.” “In delicious ways, yes. I thought I made this clear before.” She leans towards me with a sly smile and half drawn eyes. Do I want that…? “I… I… didn’t think you were being… serious?” “I was, you got me a whip for when we would get in character. ” cR-Rack! ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod “Do you not want to?” Oh god yes! “But doesn't that make… me… I don’t know? Fucked up?” I wince as the word escapes. Claire looks surprised by that, shit. “Is that what you think? Rei, it’s fine. I just said a fantasy is okay. And if you are wrong for it, I am right there beside you and would also be wrong. Glady I might add. We complete each other.” “It’s not weird if I would be into… getting hurt… by you? You… tying me down…” “Taking away your control ?” Oh. God. It's too easy imagining her holding me down… It’s really hard to swallow. “Rei, I mean it, but I also meant that I don’t want to rush you into anything either. You knew what you wanted when we first got together, and you didn’t rush me into anything I wasn’t ready for. I can do that too… I can see that this is new to you, but please don’t feel like you are wrong for any desires.” “But it feels wrong. I’m not supposed to be like this.” “You’re you. You’re exactly how you’re supposed to be. Trust me. I know.” Her hand finds mine on the bench, and her fingers slowly seep into mine. It’s unfair how much this makes me feel better. I don't feel like I deserve this. “Rei?” Claire’s voice cuts my thoughts. She looks so lovely as she sits on the bench, just illuminated by the streetlights. “Yah?” She fidgets a bit, the nervousness is odd on her. “I got something for you.” Oh ? “I… you didn’t have to get me anything.” “But I wanted to, silly… I…” She frees a hand and reaches into one of her bags, letting the sentence hang. After a bit of shuffling, she finds what she is looking for. “Close your eyes please?” “Ahhh, sure?” Did she find what she was looking for? “Close them you dolt.” There's no edge to it and she laughs. “Right, sorry.” I close them tightly and her other hand slips away from me. I can just hear her move a bit. It sounds like she’s pulled out whatever it was from the bag, maybe she is opening something up? It’s taking a while… should I have gotten her something too? She didn’t get me something too much did- “Open your eyes now Rei.” She sounds a bit small right now. I open my eyes, and she has her hands pocketed together, cupping something in them. “Here.” She moves her hands to me. A careful glance… is that a chain? “Can… I?” She chuckles a little, “Of course you dolt, it’s for you.” She is smiling, but it's shy, and her cheeks seem a bit redder than usual. I feel a bit sheepish. Okay. I pull the chain up from her hand and notice there is something attached at the end… a pendant… wait? “Is this… you got me a Persona pendant? Really?!” Oh it looks so good. I have to bring it in close, the light isn’t helping, but it’s cut so cleanly, the hat and mask, with the flames rippling out… this is so fucking cool. “… do you like it?” “I…” It's so cool. “I know you don’t usually wear something-” “I love it.” She smiles, and relaxes. “Thank goodness, I was worried for a moment. Only a moment though.” “Can I put it on?” “Of course silly.” She sounds so pleased. I feel stupid as I fumble with the latch it has, I click it open and try to close it again at the back of my neck… ok fuck this hard. I should be able to just… come on. “Let me help.” She steers my shoulder so that I’m facing away from her and she takes the ends of the chain. Click. The chain is let go, and its weight pulls down. It’s a little cold initially, I wasn't expecting that but it feels like it warms up quickly. I don’t normally wear stuff like this. “I wanted to get you something… I know it’s not your usual ware, but you also got me an amulet on our first… well it wasn’t a date yet, but it was. And I really treasured it. I saw it earlier and… I just thought of you. I thought you would like it.” I… I didn’t get her anything. “I’m sorry I should have gotten you something too.” “What? No… I wanted to get you something Rei.” Her hand closes over one of mine. “But this is so nice… and if I got you something before…” I shift back to face her. “Nonsense, Rei I just want you… you don’t understand. I wanted you to have something that reminded you. That I’m here for you. You… we didn’t get along to begin with, I was so terrible to you at first.” I don’t believe that for a second. “And I still had a lot of growing up to do. Old biases to unlearn, and I didn’t think someone could love me like you claimed. Let alone I had never even considered being with a woman before then. But you stayed by me, you told me I was worth it. And one day, you convinced me to walk the school fair with you. It was the most fun I had had… nothing had even compared before then but I couldn’t even tell you that. And then the day’s end drew near and you gave me the amulet. You told me that I saved you, even though you couldn’t explain how. I don’t know if I would have believed you at the time if you did, but I never let the amulet go until it broke.” “It broke?” Why ? “Yes…it had magic and it saved my life I think. I was still too self conscious to bring it up when it did. If I did that… maybe I would be too obvious, show my hand too much. Admit that I really was in love with you too. Years later, for an anniversary you replaced it, after we talked about it. I was such a child back then.” She sighs and smiles, she sounds so fond of those old memories. “I wanted that for you. I want you to know how much you mean to me. That you also saved me. That I want you to always carry me with you in some way. And I want it to be in a way that matters to you. I love this part of you, and I love that I get to share it

47_2

with you this time. That’s what this means to me Rei.” This means so much to her… I don’t deserve this. That wasn’t me, that was her… “Rei?” “Ummm?” “Rei what’s wrong?” She places a hand on my cheek, it's so gentle. “N-nothing’s wrong.” “Rei, it’s alright.” “No really. I’m just being stupid and being a m-mess after my… you got me a really nice thing Claire. I really do like it. Please don’t worry about me.” Claire pulls me into a hug, “I’m glad, but of course I’m going to worry. You're not being an idiot. Please. What’s wrong?” I didn’t do that for you. I’m not the amazing person you think I am. I’m not special. I'm not confident. I’m not clever. I’m not cute. I’m not sexy. I can’t do magic. I don’t know anything about you. I’m an otaku. I’m awkward. I can't even cook. I don’t know what I’m doing. Ever. I’m not who you think I am. I’m not Rae Taylor. It’s hard to swallow. I have to say something. “I don’t know, I… am I? Is this too…? Are you sure?” She draws back and examines me. Her face contorts, as she considers, and it shifts. She looks dismayed. “I’m pushing you too much again, aren’t I?” Nononononononononononononono “No! I… just…” “Rei, you can tell me, please.” She looks so worried. Just deal with it. Be better, be who she wants you to be. I can’t lose her. “I really do like it, Claire. I’m just… bad at this…” She pulls me into another hug, “Rei, you’re not bad at it. Not like you think you are. I assure you, I was much worse. I love you, and I’ll keep telling you that till it sinks in. Till it makes sense. Okay?” Till I’m right… “Today was fun, it really was. Every day with you has been wonderful. I hope you have also enjoyed it.” I can feel her emotions through the embrace. “I… yah. I’m so l-lucky…” “We both are.” She tightens the hug, it’s so nice. I really want to belong here. With her. “I just want to be here for you, help you be happy this time. You know that right?” Was I…? “I think so… but it’s not me that… you have so much we still have to catch up on. You still have to keep up with class. We still haven’t finished history, barely scratched it and then we haven’t even touched pre-history and science is going to be so much too.” “Rei, that’s okay, I have no doubt we will manage that, but it’s not just about me. You're here too. Remember, you swore that you would let me help you too. It doesn’t matter what it is, I will help you too. Or did you forget?” It’s hard not to feel the pendant when she says that. I made that contract. “I’ll remind you when you do you dolt.” She pulls back, but just so she can give me a small kiss on the forehead. “Alright?” “I’ll try Claire…” “ Rei , I love you.” I love you too… I can’t say that yet though, I’m not ready. I need to be right for her first. I need to be better. Then I can tell her. I really want to tell her.

61_1

Please be here… I look at Misha’s text again. She’s here but she’s not talking. I’ve been down this hallway to her dorm so many times now. But this time it feels… foreboding. You can do this. You can make this better . I give a light rap on the door. A pause. The wait is agony . Then there’s a slow creak and the door barely opens, just enough for Misha to slip out. It’s almost like our first time talking here, but in reverse this time. She closes the door behind her and sighs. “What happened?” “I… I asked her to make a dish. She tried, but it wasn’t how I remembered it… and she ran.” “Did… you say something?” “No… but, I must have made a face. I was surprised… I didn’t think she… I should have put it together that she doesn’t have the same experience.” Misha sighs again and looks down the hallway. She chews her lip before speaking up again. “You should talk to her.” “I want to.” Misha nods. “Good. Look, don’t… she’s…” “I know. It’s not her fault. I… she gets in her head. She thinks she has to solve everything herself. Power through it.” I have to exhale. “I misinterpreted the signs.” “Yah… She’s kinda dumb like that.” At least Misha knows how she can be too. “She’s blaming herself, isn't she?” “Probably. She hasn’t said anything since she came in.” Misha glances at the door. “Do you mind if we have some privacy?” “Go for it, just… I don’t know, text me or something when you are done. I’ll go get a coffee or something.” She’s being very accommodating. “Thank you Misha.” “Sure, just… when you two fix this… don’t be having sex when I come back. That’s not a joke. Don’t.” She holds eye contact. Heavens Misha, I have self control . “... Of course.” Eventually she breaks her stare and sighs. We aren't that bad.“Good luck.” And then she makes her way down the hall. Just a door between me and Rae. I can do this . I push the door open into their little dorm. Misha’s bed to the left lies empty save for a closed laptop on it. Rae’s to the right is a mess, her blanket in a ball. A Rae-shaped ball . “Rae?” There isn’t an answer from the lump on her bed. “Rae, please.” The ball of blankets tightens. “Rae I’m not leaving until we talk.” “Ple… G-Go away.” Her muffled voice barely escapes the cocoon. Leave? “No! I didn’t come all this way just to turn around. We. Are. Talking.” The pile shifts a little. Not good enough. “Rae. I will rip off that blanket if you don’t show yourself.” The pile shifts some more and soon Rae manages to sit upright, with only her head showing over the blanket. Her eyes are red and she looks tired and miserable. Rae… I hate to see her so. And it’s my fault . “Rae, I’m sorry.” She sniffs. “Why? S’not your fault.” She sounds bitter. Isn’t it? Deep breath Claire. “Rae this isn’t your fault.” “Yes it is.” Of course she thinks so. Some things never change. I sit down on the bed next to her. She doesn’t move away so I take a chance and place a hand on her shoulder, or as best as I can approximate while she is bundled in blankets. “Why? I asked you to do something you didn’t know how to do.” “I should have told you. I’m so s-stupid. This whole time I should have s-said something but I didn’t. Everyones been telling me to say something but I've been too scared to do anything and I let it blow up… or burst into flames.” The last part is mumbled under her breath. “Rae, you're not stupid.” “Yes. I. am… I-I… I should have said…” She takes a deep breath, “I’m not ….” She’s quiet. There's another sniff. “Rae, you can’t blame yourself for that. I asked you to do it. I’m not upset about it.” “You don’t get it.” She mumbles and her eyes shift down. “What am I not getting Rae? It would be absurd of m-” “No!” She shouts, her eyes still downcast and her voice watery. “You don’t get it. I’m-m… I’m not…” I swallow. “Not what, Rae?” “I’m not fucking Rae!” For a moment it’s like I can only hear my own pulse, feel it through my body, constricting. “I’m not Rae…” She repeats, sounding hollow. That feels like a splash of cold water. What utter nonsense . “Rae, I would know . You’re you.” “N-no you don’t get it. I’m not your Rae. Rae Taylor . I never was. I’ve been… playing along this whole time because I'm… terrible… I’m nothing like your Rae. I'm just scared… I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to be a dis-sappointment but I still was…” “Rae, you would never disappoint me.” “But I did… I saw it… I was trying so hard… but I can’t do what your Rae did. I’m not her. I’m not clever like yours was. I could never be a mother. I’m the worst partner. I can’t fight. I can’t cook. I couldn’t s-save y-” She chokes on those last words. “Rae…” My hand moves to cup her face as tears stream down her cheeks. “I was disappointed in myself . I should have realized.” “Realized that I’m not her ?” She sounds so bitter. “No… That I’ve been making you think you had to be. Rae, please. I never expected you to be.” Her eyes cast down. “I’m not her…” “Rae, we are not the people we used to be. I’m not the Claire I used to be.” “And I was never that Rae. I don’t know the things she knew. I didn’t do the things she did. That wasn’t me.” “Rae… you don’t understand. What matters is now . Everything could have been different and I would have found you again. I could have been on the other side of the world. It could have been another time. Another world. We will always find each other. I promised. A Francois doesn't break her promises.” She forces a swallow down. “T-there’s something you're not telling me.” “Excuse me?” “There’s something you d-don’t tell me, I can tell. It’s about her . You pretend you don’t know when you realize it… but I can tell. I-I’ve been too scared to ask. There’s something wrong. About me. You aren’t saying it.” She sounds so fragile. “Something…?” Oh. “That.” She eyes me. Even with the tears in her eyes, there is an edge despite it all. “Rae…” “No. Don't act like it’s n-nothing.” I take a deep breath. “When you came to Bauer. You saved me. I was a character in the game you played. Revolution. The villainess. I was fated to die during the revolution.” This isn’t anything I haven't already told her. But she is listening, good. “You knew what was going to happen when you came because you played the game. But it wasn't perfect, things were different, things changed. I know so much about you because you told me. About growing up here. Things are also different this time though. And I wanted to ensure one thing for certain played out differently this time. I didn’t want to tell you because I wanted to avoid it entirely.” She’s quiet.. “Avoid… what?” “Why… you died here.” She stills and doesn't move for a moment. Eventually she gulps. “I… I die?” “You… did. Young. Or at least you think you did, I suppose. I think I died too. That's why I’m here. But that was old age. Rae, you told me you had nothing in your last life. It was empty, you had no one, you worked nonstop and the only thing that kept you going was that game. Me . You said it was all you had to come home to… but you… it got to you.” Hold it together. “You told me that you think you died from overworking. The last thing you remember was trying to play the game… and then… nothing.” I can feel my eyes watering. Breathe. “I don’t want that to happen again. I want you to do something you love doing. Be happy, have time to live. I want to help you with that. I want to live with you again and I didn’t want you to worry.” I can hear how my voice trembles. “Over…working?” It scares her. “You called it a black company, office work.” “That’s…?” “Yes?” “I’m going to die working?” She sounds on the verge of crying again. “No!... No.” I hug her. I can feel the tears welling. “No.” I say again, holding her tight. “I won't let that happen again. It can’t happen like that.” “B-but… what else am

61_2

I supposed to do… I’m already doing my c-courses… I’m training to get an office job like t-this… I…” She's spiraling. “Rae, listen to me please. This is different. I’m here now. You’re not alone.” I run my hand over her neck. “But I’m not her. Why would you do all this for me?” “Rae.” I let go of the embrace and pull back. I place a hand on her cheek, guiding her to look at me. She looks so lost. “ Rei . You're you. I don’t want you to try to be some perfect version of the past. We were never perfect. I love your imperfections.” It's so hard to keep my voice steady. “But you l-loved those things. You loved her c-cooking… and I…” “I loved what you did for me, Rei . You loved to cook for me because you loved to spoil me. It was the act I loved. Rei, you still do that. I don’t expect you to do something you can’t. It’s all the things you do for me that I love.” “I d-don’t. I’ve been doing nothing this whole time Claire. It’s just you. You could have done this without me.” Her voice sounds so small. “Rei. I couldn’t. I didn’t know what a phone was. Catherine would have walked out on me. My mother would have sent me away. You helped convince them. Rei, you have spent so much time and energy helping me learn everything I didn’t know about your world. I know you don’t think much of it but…” I can’t help but sigh. “You’re being stupid.” “Huh?” That snaps her out of it. Finally . “I love you, but you are a moron. You think you were perfect before? You were terrified of being sincere, being true. You lied to me, you made decisions for me behind my back, and you kept me in the dark. You struggled to talk about your own p-pain, and you were convinced I would never love you back. Does that sound familiar? I still love you despite all that. You never gave up on me and I will never give up on you. You do so much for me and never realize how much it really is or how much it means to me. You could move a mountain and not think you are doing enough.” I feel so raw. Her mouth moves wordlessly. I turn her face gently to mine again. “I love that about you, but you need to trust me when I say this. You are doing so much for me. Every day. That has never changed. Can you accept that?” Her eyes have trouble meeting mine but she nods. “Good. Because I’m not done. You are passionate. You care deeply about what matters to you. It’s genuine, it’s joyful. I always love listening to you talk about your passions, when you nerd out. It’s all the little things. Persona, Dungeon Meshi, talking about science, the way the world works. That’s what I love about you. You were passionate about cooking, and it’s okay if that isn’t true anymore. You don’t ever have to be again. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to. Do you understand? I love you— that hasn’t changed.” She’s turning red. That’s an improvement. “I-I’m sorry… I should have… I made a mess of this…” Her voice still sounds small, though. “No… I also made a mess of this. I thought I was helping you, but I should have talked to you more. I thought I was doing everything right. I’m sorry I hid the whole story from you.” She sniffs, and I close my arms around the bundle she cocooned around herself. “Rei, you are allowed to be happy, and you are allowed to be yourself. I just want to be there with you for it.” “Even if I’m an Otaku? Even if I spend too much time playing video games, I have no style, I’m a bit of freak-k.” “None of that bothers me. Do you think you spend too much time playing games?” The question catches her off guard. “Umm… maybe… sometimes…” “I can say that since we have been together it hasn't felt that way.” “But I have. Before. You got upset when Misha mentioned it.” Ahh. “Rei, I’m sorry. It just reminded me… of that . I know you can get extremely focused and caught up in something. You do it when you are stressed, worried… or depressed. Rei, one thing you never told me much of before-and I’m starting to piece it together now-is how much getting outed hurt you.” “It…it wasn’t that bad.” Her voice is small. She’s still doing it. “Rei, it’s okay… When you told me about Misaki, you always struggled even if you never said it. It was the first time I ever saw you really upset. You told me about Kosaki first, and I couldn’t tell… at the time… I just…” Just take a breath , “It’s okay if that hurt you. Shiko told me. Misha told me.” Rei takes a deep wavery breath. “And I think it took you a while to sort through that hurt, those feelings. I think you leaned into your hobbies to help yourself. Games. Books. Anime.” I can see tears rolling down Rei’s face. “I-I…” She struggles to get past the first word. “It’s okay. It’s okay Rei.” I hold her tighter. I’m feeling so raw. “I want to be here for you. When you need me, I’m here for you okay? That will never change. We swore that we would be there for each other.” She takes a sharp inhale. “I’m a fucking mess.” “It’s okay Rei.” “C-can… can we j-just stay like this… for a…” I hum. Of course . “Let me join you.” “Huh?” “In your blanket, silly.” I find an edge and peel it back slowly, exposing the rest of Rei huddled underneath it, legs pulled in tight. She looks so fragile. I scoot next to her and pull the blanket back over us while wrapping my other arm around her, holding her close. “Right now… this is all it needs to be. Okay?” I feel her nod her head slowly and pull her in further to rest against my shoulder. I want nothing more than to ease her hurt, her worry. I soothe my hand over her back and listen. The silence is broken by soft sniffles, our breathing. Her heartbeat. I focus on our breaths. Soon they sync with one another. The rhythm becomes more controlled. A steady in, then out. “I love you, Rei.” Her breath hitches and she stiffens. I said too much. “You don-” “I love you too!” Her voice doesn’t falter this time. Now I feel my heart stop. “So much, it’s insane. I thought I fucked up.” She takes a deep sob, “I thought I ruined it. I thought I was stupid. I was trying so h-h-hard to-to-to…” Her voice is falling. Oh. “Shhh, I was scared t-too. I w-want this to work. I want this to always work. I want you to t-trust me. And I should have t-trusted you more too. I feel like we have done this… so many times. I feel like there are some pieces I can’t remember… but I know one thing. This . What we have. It has to grow and change. We can’t be shackled by what we were, we can only move forward. We will always be redefining ourselves. We have to change or we will be stagnant. I don’t know how many times we will do this again but I want to make sure we are there for each other, whatever that might look like.” “R-really? Even… even if everything changes?” “Everything changes, Rei.” “I-I don’t know if I can promise I wont fuck it up again.” She sounds so small again. “ We, Rei. If we try to do it alone, I think we are doomed to fail. But if we are together we can do anything. Even if we make mistakes.” I can feel her nodding. “Okay… Okay. I-I want to try. I d-don’t want this to end. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t.” Her voice cracks. “I can’t either.” Her arms around me tighten. “So… what now?” She says after several minutes pass. “What do you mean?” I ask her after taking a steading breath. “I don’t know… what do we do… I… don’t want to fuck up again.” “We make mistakes and we help each other when we do.” That's all we need to do. “Okay… but like, I don’t want to do this again. Not talking and stuff I mean. And what am I supposed to do? You said… I die?” You’re not going anywhere anytime soon. “You died . I plan on us living full lives, Rei.” She tightens her arms around me. “Okay. Okay. Am I…. should I be doing this? The school I mean. You said I was miserable… I’m only doing it cause… it’s what I’m supposed to do? Right? Am I not supposed to do it? I don’t want to treat you like some kind of… sugar momma . I want to help support us both… I know you are loaded but…” “Rei, I would be happy to help you thro

61_3

ugh whatever that may be. I know it might be hard to make your own path, and I don’t want you to feel guilt for the help I want to give you. But I will help you through that. I think you have a talent for words, for writing. But it doesn’t have to be that. You can think on it.” “I don’t know… I know you said you liked… well her… the other me’s writing but like… I don’t think mine is that good.” “Rei, that’s fine. I know you have written much already. And Shiko has shown me-” “wHAT?!” I can’t help but crack a smile as fresh embarrassment overtakes her prior solemnity. Still. “I haven’t read anything! I was going to ask before I do…” Rei shifts and lines up her face to look at me. “I… might have peeked a little… eighty-seven chapters is quite impressive.” She blushes and groans. “ God damn it, Shiko .” “I didn’t read anything! I won’t unless, and I stress this, unless you want me to. But I promise I can give you a fair opinion. I can be quite unbiased, and I have been in the past.” Please have faith in yourself, Rei. She swallows. I can see her thinking. Her face is still stained from tears and her eyes are bloodshot. But she looks better. Finally, she nods. “Okay… okay, kay. Umm maybe not like… right… now but like …” “Maybe after I finish Pray Love?” That should be a good amount of time for her. “Okay. Okay. Yes. We can talk about it… and then…” “We can see how you feel first. You can change your mind.” “I… I do want you to read it. It’s just…. Scary… I think it might not be… good enough. It’s not going to be what you thought it was or…” “It’s going to be what you wrote Rei, and that’s all it needs to be.” She ponders for a moment then meets my eyes. “Okay.” I lean over and give her a kiss on the forehead. I’m emotionally exhausted, but happy. It was worth it, it’s always worth it. “Is it okay… if we just stay like this for a bit?” She asks. “Of course. I love you, Rei.” “I love you, Claire.”

48_1

“Okay, so you just dip it a bit in the soy sauce… yah, and good to go.” Rae guides me through the process. I stare at the piece of sushi. White rice now soaked with soy sauce. Wrapped around bright red, raw fish. Package within a paper thin seaweed. I like rice, soy sauce and fish… It's just raw. Manaria eagerly dips another roll, mixing in the wasabi; Rae very much cautioned against that for now citing it would be very spicy, and then downs it in quick fashion. Humming in delight. I can stomach string beans… In it goes. Oh… that… is different. “You don’t really like it?” Rae is perceptive, it's always hard to hide my displeasure from her. “It’s… not entirely unpleasant?” “I can’t believe you’ve never tried sushi. In Tokyo of all places. You’ve been here for ten years.” Manaria grins and eyes me, waiting for a response. “Ahh.. well yes. It’s been a while hasn’t it? I was just wary of trying raw fish… I prefer it cooked.” Would it be rude to have it cooked? Of course it is, I can’t even believe I entertained the notion of asking. I can’t let it go to waste either. I hesitantly bring another to my mouth… Oh that is not better the second time is it… “You don't have to force yourself, Claire-chan. We can easily finish your portions.” “I apologize… Thank you Rae.” This is rather embarrassing. “My, aren’t you two cute? How long have you been together now?” Manaria’s tone worries me though I can't quite discern why. “A few weeks now.” Nothing elaborate Claire. “Could have fooled me.” Manaria teases out, then she casually plucks another roll from the plate and eats it. “I thought you would have loved the taste of seafood .” Rae blushes, profusely, at that comment. “Manaria. Please. That's rather uncouth.” It's up to me to control Manaria. “Oh?” She grins. Rae was right. She can be infuriating at times. “Did I say something?” Rae grumbles something under her breath, she really didn’t have to subject herself to this. Let’s try to steer the conversation away from that. “So Manaria, how are you enjoying your stay so far?” She savors another portion of sushi as she ponders her response. “Well it was nice to finally go out and do something. Your mom has been insistent that I try to avoid too many appearances till more time passes… so that's fun . It's been a mostly boring week so far. Your con was a nice change of pace even if I felt like a tourist.” “Oh, I’m sorry it’s been so hectic with everything.” I should have reached out sooner. Manaria shrugs and grimaces. “It’s not your fault.” She doesn’t say it, but I can hear the implication that it is hers. “I really don’t need to be chased around by more cameras and mics shoved in my face so I should be careful. ‘ Have you always been gay? Are you rebelling? How could you do something so heinous? ” She sighs. “That bad…?” Rae asks, I guess she doesn’t really know much about Manaria here this time. “Well when you are royalty, even if it's very distant, people think too much of you.” “Wait, you're royalty?” Rae brings her voice to a hush as best as she can and still be heard. Manaria rolls her eyes, “Technically, nobility is a better way to describe it. In some world I could have a path of succession to the throne of Belgium but I really doubt that will ever happen. Especially after this scandal. You know Claire is technically nobility too. Or have you failed to mention that to your girlfriend?” “No, she told me.” Rae is quick to answer. I did tell her in our previous life I was nobility. I never got quite around to figure out the minutiae of it all here though yet. “Her mom runs their business right? Francois? That’s like a french lamborghini?” Lamb what? Manaria is watching me, is she waiting for me to answer? I can't . Then she turns her attention back to Rae. “Not quite. Lamborghini makes cars first. Francois is a brand, and that’s sometimes on a car.” “Sure, I just mean it’s high end stuff. Fancy right?” Manaria laughs, “ Fancy , I think Melia would not enjoy it put that way, but sure. Fancy. I’m sure even Claire here would attest to the quality.“ “Ohh, of course. We wouldn’t use our name on anything less than perfect.” It feels nostalgic to play up a haughty laugh. “Oh I’m sure.” Manaria grins, “Say Claire , what would be your favorite product? I’ve always been partial to the watches , but I’m sure Rae loves the lipstick.” “Oh-” Rae clears her throat, bless her. “Wow, so a scandal huh?” She glares at Manaria, some things never change. “What exactly was so bad that you had to run to Japan?” Manaria rolls her eyes and looks unimpressed, but then her face shifts into something more sly. “Well imagine something like what Melia and I walked into, except my father didn’t take it in good humor, and there was more of an audience. With cameras. Caught sexually assaulting my own maid of all things. I’m such a disgrace to the Sousse name. I’m a monster.” “You weren’t and aren’t” Manaria scoffs at my comment, “Oh I’m sure you're the expert of what happened.” “You didn’t mean to hurt her.” Manaria’s surprise catches her for barely a moment before she schools her face again. She narrows her eyes. “I know you wouldn't.” “I’m sure you do. Would it matter? She’s gone now.” “Then find her, make it right.” Don't take this lying down. “When did you become so idealistic?” She sounds so sardonic. Since I found Rae. I can’t help but look at her, our eyes meet. She knows my answer is her, I can see it in her blush. “Would it be cliche if I said since I fell in love?” Manaria mocks a gag, “Oh god you have turned into a sap. Stop before you cause your toy to explode.” She rolls her eyes and stuffs another piece of sushi in her mouth. Rae is… looking a bit uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, was that too much.” “Ahh, no, well, maybe. I don’t know. It’s not like I’m the interesting person here or anything…” Rae is not being fair to herself. “That’s not true.” “Well apparently you're royalty.” Rae remarks. “Distantly!” “Not me. I’m a princess.” Oh, Now you're proper royalty Manaria? “Manaria, you are not helping.” I say through gritted teeth. “I’m not any better or any more interesting than anyone else because of my birth. That includes you Rae.” Rae doesn’t look quite convinced however. What's wrong? “So when did you two meet?” Another question from Manaria. “Well… just a week…s before we started dating?” Rae grimaces, oh come now. Surely it wasn’t that bad? Surely? “I had seen her around for a bit before we talked the first time. We share a bunch of classes.” Rae is quick to try to control the topic. “Oh, so quickly? Such a fast pipeline. Can I ask what sparked this little flame?” Little? “Oh, well I always thought Claire-chan was… pretty…” Rae is trying so hard to not, but is blushing so much. “Rae is very wonderful and charming. It would be inconceivable to not fall for her.” Oh Rae is turning very bright. And staring at the table. Adorable. I wish this wasn't in front of Manaria though. “Okay, but like how did you get there? You don’t just, y’know, know that without something first.” “I…” I can’t say… what do I say? “She needed some help with tutoring.” Rae is quick to interject, she pulls her face back up trying her best to will down her previous blush. “She asked me for help, and then… um well…” “You’re dating your tutor?” Manaria gives me the side eye, her tone does not sound impressed. “She’s very charming.” “It’s a bad look Claire.” Is she judging… the nerve. “It’s not as if I… we started dating after the fact.” Manaria hums, “Still moving very fast. Do you feel it’s been moving too fast Rae? Claire does seem to be rather possessive of you.” “Well, she is a… a lot has happened.” “Hmmm, have you ever been with another woman before?” She's questioning Rae. Rae is on edge. “Well not really…” “She’s not pressuring you into-” “Manaria!” “No!” Rae shouts in unison with me. The nerve of her. “Look it’s been fast but I like her too okay? Like what are you even trying to get at?” Rae sounds genuinely frustrated. Manaria sighs, “ Fine , I’ll drop it. I don’t know what you two are being so defensive over.” An uneasy silence washes over the table, and Manaria decides to sample a few more rolls. I wish I could just cut through all the pretense and get to the root of whatever is going on with Manaria. And why is she trying to rile up Rae… it feels

48_2

different than before but I can’t discern why. But this isn’t the same Manaria I have talked to before many times. She is couched in old self loathing again. She is blaming herself for whatever this scandal is… I’m skeptical. I know there is more that she isn’t saying, her relationship with Eve was always complicated. If they would talk then maybe things could move towards repair. But I can’t force Manaria to have the conversation can I. I try another different piece of sushi… oh that is worse , and harder to swallow isn't it?

33_1

I definitely left too early. And was up way too late researching. Prosthetics are expensive. I could open up—oh, a text from Francois-san. Good Morning Rei, we are coming down now and should see you soon. Sincerely, Francois. Okay, that’s pretty cute. I should let her know that with other people that’s going to look weird, though. “Rei!” Just a few minutes later, I peek up from my phone and see Francois-san waving to me with Achard-san just behind, leaning on her cane. I guess Francois-san was right about the leg. Francois-san walks slowly, being careful to not leave Achard-san behind. They almost look like sisters. “Sorry if we made you wait long. I’m not used to the style of clothing here and I might have been stressing too much about appearances…” Wow, I mean, I look so frumpy in my old hoodie compared to her. She’s wearing a long and very pretty white dress with a form-fitting red sweater vest over it. I don’t think I have seen her in it before but she does look great. For someone who probably has even less of an idea than I do about what’s currently trendy, she’s nailing it. “You look great,” I say, meaning it sincerely. Francois-san smiles at the compliment, looking right at me. Oh , this is going to take some getting used to. “Thank you, Rei, I hope my hair looks okay too. It’s not how I usually wear it but my old style needed a lot of help to get right and Catherine said I just wear it straight here.” It's hard to imagine her long blonde hair as anything other than its usual simple straight style. It’s so smooth and pristine. “It’s good, very good!” Oh God, Rei, keep it together. You sound even more awkward than usual. I can see Achard-san roll her eyes behind Francois-san. Francois-san just smiles again and God, if I could melt it would be dangerous to be around her. “Thank you, Rei. I tried to play it safe. I like your outfit too. It feels like you.” Okay, Achard-san, you don’t need to snicker. I’m sure Francois-san meant it, but my clothes really aren’t that nice. “Thanks, sooooo , we have economics first. That’s probably not going to be easy to dive into right away so I can sit next to you for that. If your lackeys ask, you can say I’m tutoring you.” “That’s actually not the worst cover. Her grades haven’t been doing well. She could even say her mom is making her do it,” Achard-san adds in. Yeah, that’s a good idea. After all, there’s no way someone like Francois-san would even look my way otherwise. “Mother…right, yes, I can do that. Wait, did you say lackeys?” Francois-san asks. “Yeah, you always seem to have two other girls around you. It’s like your mean girls squad.” “What—” “She’s not going to understand the reference,” Achard-san sounds a bit annoyed. “You need to use things she can understand.” “Oh, right, your, um, entourage?” That will make more sense, right? “Oh, do you know who they are?” “Nope.” I let the P pop. I mean, why would I know them? I barely even had a chance to talk to Francois-san before this all happened, and it’s not like I cared about her lackeys at all. “What do they look like?” Francois-san asks. “Hrm, one is a little taller, brunette, and the other is shorter and has pink hair.” Did one of them have freckles? “Loretta and Pepi!” She says excitedly. I’m not sure if they will live up to her expectations from that reaction. “Now that you mention it, you did always call them my minions before.” “That’s probably them,” Achard-san throws in, ignoring the minions part. “Can we get moving? It takes me longer to get there you know.” “Do you want to take a bus?” I ask. “No, it’s fine, I like the walk. The cane is usually fine. Let's just get moving.” She seems eager to move past the topic. “Let me know if you need anything, okay, Catherine?” Francois-san gives Achard-san a polite nod. Achard-san definitely seems like she’s not used to this yet, but she doesn’t make a big deal about it. She seems eager to get to class. Our walk goes by quickly even though we’re moving more slowly than usual. We try to cram in a bit more prep for class before we get there, but honestly I think we’re going to have to go back through my notes to the beginning. At least it’s still early in the semester. I allotted some extra time for the walk on account of Achard-san so we should still be pretty early to class, hopefully without too many people around. Once we get to the building, we stop to get breakfast from the cafeteria. It doesn’t take too long to finish our meal. “Oh, I might need to use the restroom,” Francois-san says. She looks around, unsure of where to go. “Sure just—” “It’s out that door and to your left, Claire.” Achard-san cuts me off. Francois-san notices and there is a look between her and Achard-san. After a second or two Francois-san sighs,.“Fine, but be nice .” Achard-san just gives her an extremely fake smile. Francois-san mouths ‘I’ll be back’ and turns to follow the directions to the restroom. And then it’s just me and her roommate slash friend. Cool . Achard-san takes her time finishing her coffee. “So…” I attempt, but it doesn't really help the awkward mood. Achard-san puts her drink back down. “Right…” She sighs. “Look, this is kinda messed up and I appreciate you being there to help, but also Francois-chan is my… friend and I don’t know the first thing about you.” Great. We’re having this conversation already. I can’t stop my nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I really didn’t know Francois-san before this happened. I mean, we share classes and I think we’re in a similar course of study, but I never really got a chance to talk to her.” “Didn’t stop your massive obvious crush on her, did it?” Achard-san mentions oh-so-casually. I nearly choke on my own cup of coffee “What?” I say, coughing. Rei, don’t think about how much you’re blushing. Count primes… “Trust me, Claire can be clueless when it comes to crushes, but even she is noticing this.” She motions her hand at me. “And sure, she thinks you two are married or whatever but she is still loving this.” Catherine takes another sip of coffee. “Not to be too harsh, but you’re kind of a walking stereotype.” “Noted.” I clear my throat. “What is your point, exactly?” I do not need this. “Eh, look, sorry, that came out worse than I meant. I’m not great with people. I don’t know. I don’t get whatever this is between you and her. She’s in a very vulnerable spot and I worry about her, okay?” Achard-san fidgets, feeling awkward even having to say this much. “I … I don’t want to hurt her. I’m trying to help.” I offer. She sighs. “Yeah, cool, just making sure we’re on the same page.” She leans back and seems content to let the silence return. “Err, what was she like, y’know, before this happened.” I needed to say something. She groans and takes a moment before answering. “I guess you already know she lost her dad, from the talk last night. Well, it happened when she was really young. There was a car crash in Paris, and lucky me, I was in the other car. Hence the leg, and…hrmm, no, that’s me stuff. Anyways, after that the two of us often got bundled together. My dad pretty much ditched me—don’t ask—and while Claire’s mom was picking up the pieces and getting their business back on track we spent some time with Claire’s extended family, the Sousse, in the Alps. We bounced from country to country for a bit before settling here.” I guess that’s good to know. “I was asking more about how she acted before this. But thanks for sharing all of that.” Catherine shrugs. “I don’t know, she acted really shut off after the accident. She was better when she was a kid from what I heard, but losing her dad hit her hard and her mom was always busy. I don’t like trying to psycho-analyze my friends, but honestly she seemed kinda depressed, or maybe detached? Superficial? It’s weird seeing her like this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good, but honestly I’ve never seen her be even a fraction as… okay as she seems now.” “So…this is better, then? It’s not like she’s a completely different person now, right?” “Errr, people are going to notice, even if she tries to act ‘normal.’ It’s a big change. It feels like she woke up or something. But yeah, I think it’s better because before she was just…not great, honestly. So don’t fuck it up, I guess.” Great, no pressure. The way Achard-san is eyeing me doesn't really help either. “I—” “I’m back.” Francois-san announces herself, looking pleased

33_2

. “I was worried that the restroom here would be more complicated, but at least our public restrooms aren’t too different.” “You took your time.” Achard-san says over a sip of coffee. Francois-san clicks her tongue and flicks Achard-san on the forehead, after she sets her cup down. Achard-san looks surprised and rubs the spot, but leans back and lets a small easy smile settle in. “Look, I wasn’t expecting the sinks to just turn on. I thought they had broken and they kept turning off and on…” I can’t help but laugh as Francois-san tries to explain the situation, “They have a sensor for your hands. You just have to have them in the right place.” “I sort of figured that out, but I spent at least a minute trying to find a knob.” She laughs. At least she isn’t too embarrassed by the situation, and even Achard-san chuckles a bit. “She didn’t bully you too much while I was gone, I hope.” “No, it was good.” I mean, she did kinda grill me, but I understand why. I take a sip of what’s left of my coffee, and Francois-san chooses that moment to shoot me a smirk. “Good, only I’m allowed to bully you.” That sends the coffee up my nose and sends me into a coughing fit. Francois-san just leans back, looking smug and unfairly attractive. I am so doomed. My grave will say “killed by teasing and gay panic.” “Okay, I want no part of this flirting.” Achard-san blanches, sticks out her tongue as she pushes herself up from her seat. “I’m going to my classes. Have fun with your otaku, Claire.” And she walks away and disappears out the exit. It’s just me and Francois-san now, and she smiles when she catches me looking over at her. I’m not meant to last, am I? “I just wanted to get a little bit of flirting in before we can’t.” She certainly has a mischievous glint in her eyes. “You’re very cute when you blush, but I would rather not share it with others.” One, two, three, five, seven, eleven, thirteen, seventeen… “It’s not too much… is it?” The glint is gone, replaced with concern. She looks like she wants to lean over towards me. She glances at my hands fidgeting on the table. “No! Yes?” I let out a nervous chuckle. “Sorry, sorry, you said you wanted to take it slow… I can wait.” Francois-san retreats a little, her eyes looking unsure and a bit sad. “No! It’s okay!” I blurt out. Francois-san looks at me intently, like she’s trying to see my thoughts. I feel a bit exposed. “Rei, you don’t need to push yourself. It’s fine, really. I’m just being a bit impatient. It’s hardly been a day, after all, at least for you. And you have a bad habit of putting others before yourself.” “I do not.” I try not to pout, but Francois-san just hums in agreement and takes a sip of her own coffee. I don’t, right? “So, what does that mark on your sweater mean?” Francois-san asks, changing the subject. “Errr.” I have to take a second to remember what I threw on this morning. Oh, it’s this one. “It’s a hoodie, cause y’know, it’s got a hood.” I give the hood a flick and it pops up over my head. She gives an ‘ahhh’ and it’s honestly adorable. “And ummm.” I point at the logo which is probably what she was asking about in the first place. “This is the symbol of a game. It’s kinda nerdy otaku stuff, err, right, that’s not helpful to you. It’s, ummm—” “In our past life you sort of explained what games, well, video games, were like. We have games back in Bauer too, of course.” “I did? Oh, right, umm, okay, yeah I could show you some later if you want. But yeah, this is the title of the game.” “The game is called P5?” Francois squints like she’s trying to see something she must have missed. I slap my forehead, annoyed with myself. “It’s another acronym, sorry. It’s short for Persona 5. That little mask is part of the logo.” Francois-san hums and takes another sip of her coffee, and I just feel awkward. I’m really selling myself now, aren’t I? “I would like it if you showed me some of these games, if you don’t mind. You sometimes talked about them, as well as novels and, umm, ‘manga’ I think you called them. You said you even used to write some prose for them. You would occasionally write some when we were together too. It was lovely.” Oh God, is she talking about fan fiction?? It's embarrassing having your crush lay out exactly how much of an otaku you are, even if she lacks a lot of context. “Though I must confess, the first bit of prose of yours that I found left me so embarrassed. It was before we were together. You had written a silly and fanciful story where we were knights fighting the forces of darkness. I wish I hadn’t ripped it up now, but you had threatened to make two thousand copies of it.” She lets out such a lovely laugh, but… I WHAT? Oh god this sounds way too similar to the daydream I had last week. Oh Goooooooood why? I shrink in on myself. “I’m sorry I was such an otaku. I’ll find a hole and bury myself in it later.” “Oh don’t be so melodramatic, Rei, it's cute.” She tries to soothe me. She actually cares… oh, this really isn’t helping me calm down, though. “Though would you mind explaining what an ‘otaku’ is? It’s at least the second time you’ve mentioned it and Catherine mentioned it too. It sounds familiar. I’m sure you said it before in our past life, but I don’t think you ever explained it.” Huh? She looks genuinely curious, and it doesn't seem like she’s trying to tease me about it either. “Oh, well, ummm, I guess the easiest way to explain it without context is someone who gets way into certain kinds of media , like kinda obsessively into it. Huh, I guess you didn’t really have any media like that. Okay, so like, imagine if a play becomes really well known throughout the whole country and is really easy to watch and see and some people really get into, like, the story, or maybe the characters, or two characters’ romances. Or like, a singer gets really popular with a lot of people. Or an athlete. You had those, right?” She nods. “Okay so yeah, sometimes there is a whole subculture that talks about those things, and sometimes it gets derided for being too obsessive or whatever. Like, sometimes people make costumes of their favorite characters—” “Or write their own prose?” Francois-san asks. I wasn’t expecting her to be, well… really listening. “Yeahhh, we call it fan fiction here. The term otaku is not always meant politely, but it’s not always used negatively, either.” “Okay, I think I understand it, but I expect more context will help. I do want to see some of this media. I love seeing you get passionate about things. Oh, if you don’t mind, that is.” How is she always so nice to me? She’s been so calm and collected, at least when she isn’t teasing me… stop that, Rei. She has to see how awkward I am, right? I don’t feel like I deserve all this confidence she has in me. I can’t see myself measuring up to the Rei she has in her mind, at all. I saved her, she said, but how can I do that when I can’t even feel composed around her? And she looks at me like there is nothing else in the whole world. It’s all I wanted just a few days ago… and now? Am I going to lose it if she realizes I’m not like her Rei? I… I need to make sure that she gets what she needs first. I shouldn’t be so caught up in how inadequate I feel with everything she’s going through. We need to take this one step at a time. She is important right now. Not me. “Sure, no problem at all! But we should probably start heading to class before the rest of the students get there. Are you ready, Francois-san?” She just beams. “Of course. After all, I’m with you !”

64

The drive’s not far, but it’s much better than walking or taking a bus. It’s a bit out of the way. Mom and Dad spent the ride making small talk with Claire and she was eager, very eager , to partake. It was only slightly embarrassing, but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. And Masao stopped being a brat too, mostly . When we get to the graveyard I can see Shiko and Kosaki waiting at the corner already. The two of us get out of the car and Shiko spots us and waves. Kosaki is carrying some flowers, I think. For Misaki. “Take as long as you need, okay, Rei?” Mom says. “Yeah, sure. I don’t think it will be that long but I’ll text you when we’re done.” Mom smiles and nods and we close the door and wave as they drive off to another spot. Claire takes a moment to fix her skirt, and once she does I slip my hand into hers. “Oh?” She grins. She's pleased. “Yeah.” God, I have trouble looking at her. She just hums and turns to face Shiko and Kosaki. “So that’s Kosaki.” Wow, that was icy. Hot. “Yeah, it’s fine. It’s better now.” “Yes, sorry. I’ll try to be civil.” She’s glaring. God, I have a stupid grin on my face I can’t get rid of. “Let’s go.” She nods, and as we close in I can see Shiko grinning at us. Kosaki notices us holding hands. “Hey Shiko, hey Kosaki.” Shiko just grins. Kosaki comes in for a hug. As she pulls back she looks at Claire, who is trying to not glare. “Hi Rei, it’s been a while… this is Francois-san?” “Yes. Claire, this is Uchiyama Kosaki. Kosaki, this is Francois Claire.” Kosaki smiles. “It’s lovely to meet you, Francois-san. It’s good that Rei-chan found a partner.” Kosaki has always been polite. Claire manages to finally school herself and she offers a smile back. “Thank you Uchiyama-san. I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.” That sounds ominous . “And the past is the past—everything is better now. Come on, let's not waste time. Can we go see Misaki already?” I don't need Claire starting a fight. Claire hmmphs. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah I love her . “You’re right, let's.” Kosaki says, looking pretty forlorn. This has always been harder on her than the rest of us . Claire sighs. “My apologies, Uchiyama-san. It’s never easy to lose those close to us.” “Thank you Francois-san. It’s okay. I deserve it at least a little bit for what I put Rei through. I should have stopped Misaki.” “We were teens. And stupid.” We really don’t need to talk about it, please. Claire’s hand squeezes mine. Okay, I guess I should talk about it just a bit . “It did suck. I’m not mad at you, or him, but it did hurt. A lot.” That was somehow easier and harder than I thought it was going to be to say. “I’m sorry, Rei.” I believe her. “I know. I’m feeling… starting to feel better about it.” “That’s good,” Kosaki says. She gives me a small smile. “Let’s go say hi to our asshole already.” Shiko chimes in. “Shiko!” Kosaki gasps. But then she laughs and shakes her head. “He really could be, couldn’t he.” “Yeah.” Shiko sighs. She misses him too. It’s a quiet walk through the gravestones. There’s no chatter, just our thoughts. Soon enough we find his grave. There’s nothing there, so if his family came by they left nothing. Honestly I doubt they even came. Claire’s other hand holds onto my arm. Oh, I’m squeezing her hand aren’t I? “It’s fine. I’m here,” she says quietly. Yeah. She’s here. Even after everything. Kosaki kneels in front of the grave and lays the bouquet she brought on the headstone. She straightens back up and just stands there quietly. What would I tell him if I could? Hey, I feel better now. You hurt me but you also helped me. Helped Claire. Does that help? Does that make it easier? I hope it does. I don’t want anyone to have to go through the shit you did. That wasn’t fair. It was cruel. Claire drops my hand, but just to put it reassuringly on my opposite shoulder. Like a cloak. This is Claire. It's wild but she woke up here. She knew me in another life, our past life. And in that life I did the same thing but in reverse—I woke up there and met her and we fell in love. Does that make sense? Here in this life she was in a video game and when I woke up in that life she was there and I told her about us, about you and me and Kosaki. That’s how I knew she wasn’t lying… somehow in this life she knew about you… My eyes are watering and I can feel Claire’s hand massage my shoulder as she holds me closely. Claire is amazing. Sometimes she feels too amazing but she tells me I’m being stupid about that. She's probably right. I can be pretty stupid and neither of us are perfect. But she said she would set me right. Haha. I love her. It's wild. It’s only been three months and I feel so crazy about her. I don’t want to leave her. We were wives before. We had kids. We saved the world, and I don’t know how I did it honestly but with her… it’s not that unbelievable. It sounds like it’s like a loop. It’s happened, it’s happening. Probably will happen again. I don’t know if that means I have to find her again the next time or if she’ll find me? Will she remember me or will I remember her? I don’t know. But that’s not going to happen anytime soon. She’s here now… and I want to be here with her. I want to be happy with her. She makes me happy. I want to make her happy. I have to wipe my eyes. I miss you, and I’m doing okay. Maybe even great. Claire runs hand up and down my arm. It’s soothing. She understands. She always does. I lean my head on her shoulder and wipe my face some more. I don’t know how long it’s been, but I think I feel at peace. Or at least settled. Better. Much better than last year. I don’t even remember last year when we did this. The only sound is the rustle of the wind and leaves. I’ll see you next year Misaki, with Claire. There’s no doubt in my mind. Shiko is the first to break the silence. “Okay, so I had an idea, and you can tell me if it’s a bad one…” She trails off for a moment and looks away from us. “I may have brought a chisel. I’m not saying we should vandalize his family name from the grave, but I’m saying we could. And … I doubt they would even notice.” That causes something to break in Kosaki. She inhales loudly and then sobs. Shiko's composure breaks and it looks like she is trying to do damage control. “Hey… we don’t… sorry if it was — ” “Give me the c-chisel,” Kosaki says, despite her voice threatening to break. Shiko relaxes and just nods. She slides her bag off her shoulder and pulls out the chisel. “Careful, it’s sharp,” she says as she passes it to Kosaki. Kosaki stares at it for a moment. It seems too big for her, too heavy for her hands. She grips it as she inhales and steadies her breath. “He hated his family name after how they treated him. He never decided on a new one.” Claire’s grip on me tightens and I can hear her breath also grow unsteady. Shiko nods and doesn’t say anything. Kosaki kneels again before the grave, carefully moving the flowers away for the moment and setting the chisel to Misaki’s family name. She takes a deep breath and then starts to work away at it carefully. Chips of stone flake off as she scratches the names away. Soon all the kanji are gone and all it says is Misaki. She passes the chisel back to Shiko and then sweeps the chips away, cleaning the spot and returning the flowers. The void where his family name used to be looks much better. They should be forgotten after what they did to him . There’s another gentle squeeze on my hand from Claire, and I squeeze back. “He never got to choose his name… but at least I can do this for him. Thanks, Shiko.” Shiko offers her hand to Kosaki as she gets up. There are tears in her eyes, but she looks better. She wipes them away and swallows. “Can… can we just sit down somewhere for a bit?” Shiko answers first. “Yeah, there’s a cafe nearby… that good?” Kosaki just nods.

71_1

I hate moving. Rei and Claire don’t really seem to share that sentiment, however. Most people have their honeymoon after the wedding. As if on cue, the two of them pop out of their room, Claire dragging Rei after her as they both giggle. God, they are obnoxiously cute. “I love this place, Rei, and now the two of us can share a room again.” Claire is full of excited energy, all directed at Rei. Rei blushes, something she does more and more often now with Claire around. I try not to roll my eyes. “It’s not too much, is it?” Rei asks shyly, trying to ignore the “again” from Claire. This apartment is insane. I still can’t believe Claire asked me to move in with them. It’s even harder to believe I had to insist on paying rent. This place is so nice. It’s crazy how I’m going from sharing a small dorm room with Rei to having a room that’s bigger than what I had growing up. It feels empty right now with just the bed and a couple of boxes. Mom said she and Dad were bringing more later. I hope they don’t bring too much. “I would be happy to be anywhere with you Rei, but mother insisted we get a place with plenty of space. And she is right. It would start to feel cramped fairly quickly with four of us living somewhere smaller. Even our old house started to feel small when the girls started to grow up. And of course I also wanted to spoil you a bit.” Rei’s still blushing but she’s got a soft smile, and that only makes Claire’s smile widen. They really do have that spark. They are both dorks. Good for them. “God, you two are such saps.” Catherine has emerged from her room, echoing my earlier thoughts with just a bit more snark. And she’s leaning on her cane…oh, she’s removed her leg. “How are you doing over there, Misha? Did you need help moving your stuff?” “You’re offering to help me? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” I could have probably said that more tactfully. Catherine looks down at her leg—or lack thereof— and shrugs. “I wasn’t offering my help, I was offering theirs.” Catherine gestures at the joined-at-the-hip duo that is Rei and Claire. “I’ve done enough heavy lifting and need to give my knee a break.” “Oh, well I don’t really have much to move at the moment. Rei and I didn’t really have much in our dorm to begin with.” “Lu-cky. Claire spent most of the morning bringing her stuff up. And most of mine. We could have hired movers, you know, Claire.” Catherine side-eyes Claire. Claire just clicks her tongue. “For goodness’ sake, Catherine, that would have been highly unnecessary.” “Never thought I’d see you push a dolly.” Claire just scoffs. “Please, I’m not above getting my hands dirty.” Catherine shrugs, but I can see a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “You said more of your stuff is coming?” Rei asks me. “Ugh, yeah. Mom and Dad said they were bringing some stuff since I’m moving into something more, well, permanent as Mom put it. Not that I don’t appreciate it, Claire. I just don’t know if I feel comfortable calling it permanent.” Too many things seem to be changing too quickly as of late. “Of course, I hardly consider this permanent either. Even if Mother did deign to purchase it outright. I’m not sure what permanent looks like yet, but I do want Rei and I to have our own home again.” She tightens her arms around Rei. I can see the journey on Rei’s face as that thought sinks in, getting redder as each dot is connected. Sap. “Right, so yeah, hopefully my parents aren’t bringing too much. I’m not exactly sure what they decided on. Probably more clothes…and maybe my PC tower and a desk?” I really hope Mom showed some restraint… “Well, we have plenty of room for all of that now,” Rei says, and she’s not wrong. God, everything is going to feel tiny after this place. Still, I can’t deny it’s pretty nice. “Will you two have enough space for everything when you’re both in the same room?” I can’t resist a little jab at Rei though. It's way too much fun to fluster her. And fluster her it does. “Officially,” Rei takes a deep breath as she tries to stop blushing. “I’m in the fourth room.” Catherine snorts. “O-kay, you think Melia won’t notice the extra large bed in Claire’s room and the lack of bed in the fourth room?” “Rei, we are adults. Mother won’t mind.” Claire is quick to allay Rei’s concerns. “Look, please just let me maintain plausible deniability in my head so I don’t have to envision your mother killing me.” Rei says in a tiny voice. Claire leans over and pulls Rei in by her collar for a kiss. As they finish Rei has the stupidest goofy grin on her face. “I love you dear, don't worry.” Claire tells her. “Mother will be fine with it.” Pretty sure she just knocked most higher level thoughts right out of Rei's head. Catherine clears her throat. “Speaking of more stuff arriving, the delivery for the new sofa is supposed to be soon, right?” “I believe it’s due at half past one.” Claire pulls out her phone, double checking. “Yes, it should be soon.” She sighs. “We could have kept the old one, you know.” Catherine glares at her. “We should have burned it. It’s unusable. Ruined. Tainted.” Claire shakes her head. “It can be cleaned. You can’t expect us to just throw out everything because…well…” At least Claire has enough shame to blush at that. Catherine has mentioned catching them having sex on the old sofa. She mentions it all the time, actually. Not sure whether it’s teasing or annoyance, probably both to be honest. “I expect you to know better than to get all your gross bodily fluids all over the places I want to sit. It was slimy Claire. Slimy.” Oh gross, more facts about my friends’ sex life that I really don’t need to know.. Rei gulps, pulls her hood over her face, and draws the strings tight. Nice try. You can’t hide from this one. “Oh no, don’t act like you aren’t just as guilty, Rei. You’re both to blame for the death of my sofa.” Catherine stomps her cane to drive the point home. “If you have to be fucking horny goons, you have a room for that now. It’s even mostly fucking soundproof.” We all hear Rei gulp. I do sympathize with Catherine. I’ve also seen things no roommate should have to see. And ever since the two of them started getting intimate for real, it’s only gotten much much worse. “I also don’t need to see Claire’s hand in Rei’s pants. Ever. Again.” I can’t help but add my own grievance to the list. God, I did not need that image in my head. I’m glad that Catherine and I can form a united front about this. Claire lets out a defiant hmmph and crosses her arms, pointing her head upward and away. I sigh. “I’m just saying, as roommates, can we agree to keep stuff like that behind closed doors? Even if no one else is around. I know we didn’t have our own rooms before, but now we do.” I really don't think it's a big ask. I just barely catch Claire murmuring, “You’re one to talk.” Excuse me? Is she implying…Jesus, Claire, I haven’t…we haven’t…Yu and I haven’t done anything! Claire immediately looks apologetic, registering that what she said was out of line. Rei’s face pokes out from the depths of her hood. “Huh?” “You’re correct, Misha, your request is very reasonable. I apologize to both you and Catherine.” Claire’s earlier defiance is gone as she tries to backtrack and brush past her last murmured comment. “I…I might have a little trouble…controlling myself around Rei. But we can keep it in our chambers in the future.” A little trouble? Catherine sighs. “Look I don't want to sound like a buzzkill. It’s just…” “I know, I know. It grosses you out. We’ve talked about it in the past.” Claire is still very contrite. Catherine blinks, confused. “You’ve talked about it in…the past? I’m pretty sure I only got mad at you that one time when you two were butt naked on my sofa.” Claire hesitates before continuing carefully. “Oh. That’s right, we…never talked about it here. Now. But before, you and I talked about the fact that you…don’t like sex.” It’s hard to tell if Claire is making a statement or asking a question. “We talked about it?” Catherine looks bewildered and maybe a little uncomfortable. “Well, yes. At first I was concerned that you never found anyone.” That makes Catherine roll her eyes. “Look I don’t need you to tell me how to—” “No no, Catherine, I’m sorry. That was me making…” She looks at Rei as she tries to summon the words. “A heteronormative assumption?” “A what? You lost me. How is this being heteronormative?” Catherine sounds unconvinced. “Trust me, it was. I mean, it is.

71_2

There’s more to being heteronormative than assuming people are attracted to the ‘opposite’ sex. It can also be heteronormative to assume someone feels attraction at all. Rei said you were probably—ace, I think the term was called.” “Ace?” Catherine is lost. Rei chimes in. “Ace? You mean like asexual?” “Yes! That or…aromantic! That is what you told me in our old life.” “What?” Catherine is still lost. I’m not quite sure what they’re talking about either. God, just trying to read about trans stuff was confusing enough, back when Claire first said all that about Yu… Anyway this is the first time I’ve heard about any of this ‘ace’ stuff. “So, you don’t like sex?” Rei asks. “Or, um, you don’t feel sexual attraction, to maybe put it less bluntly?” “I…” The frankness of the question catches Catherine off guard. Claire seems to have a habit of just casually dropping bombshells by accident, doesn’t she? “That’s how you were in our last life,” Claire explains. “You were never really interested in a partner, sexually or romantically. At first I was worried, but then Rei told us about the spectrum of sexualities and it made much more sense. So.” Claire isn’t quite sure how to finish the thought. “Ace?” Catherine echoes. She has a thoughtful look on her face as she mulls the word over. “That’s right.” “I’m not like…you know, completely repulsed. I’m just…” “Not interested. And you don’t need to see Rei or I…” Catherine face frowns and she nods. “Yeah. Definitely not.” I raise my hand. “ For what it’s worth, I also really don’t need to see it either. You don’t have to be ace or whatever it’s called to not want to see your best friend getting it on in the living room. Which is not to say ace isn’t a thing, of course.” It’s quiet for a few moments. “Fuck, seriously, there’s a word for this? Like, it’s just been right there the whole time?” “Rei always managed to know the words and explanations for things like this. She helped a lot of us find ways to understand ourselves better.” Claire wraps her arms around Rei. “Well, it’s not like past me made them up,” Rei chimes in. “There are quite a lot of them—pansexual, demisexual, poly, and that isn’t even getting into the whole world of neo-pronouns.” “Ace.” Catherine repeats again. “I don’t hate it. Like…hmmm. This is weird. I always felt…off before but like…this is a thing?” “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up like this. I just…it's normal for me now.” Claire says softly. “I’m not upset. It’s not the worst thing you’ve spoiled.” Catherine laughs at her comment. She’s not wrong either. “I need to think about this…but I don’t hate it.” Claire nods her head. “I’m sure there is more written on the internet on the subject—” She stops short as all our phones start to vibrate. Must be the door buzzer. “Oh, that must be the sofa. I just press this, right, Rei?” “Uhh, yeah.” Rei confirms for Claire, who buzzes in the movers down below with her phone before pocketing it again. “They should be up shortly!” Claire beams at Catherine. “Great. Can’t wait to break in the new sofa. Okay, so I was thinking the two-piece sectional should be over here…” Catherine makes her way to the empty space in front of the large TV that has already been set up. She’s waving and pointing her cane as she makes her suggestions to Claire about how to position everything, and the two get absorbed in the topic. “You’re one to talk.” Hearing that again catches me off guard. Rei has broken free of her “wife.” She’s got a shit eating grin on her face. Great. “What are you talking about?” “That's what Claire said. You’re one to talk. I bet we caught you in a ‘compromising position.’ I bet it was with Yu.” I want to strangle her so badly right now. “Rei…” She just waggles her eyebrows. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I don’t need this right now. “Nothing is happening between us.” “Suuuuuure.” God, I want to hit her. You're so lucky you're my best friend, Rei. We are not talking about this right now, Rei. Like, please just fucking try to understand. It’s gotten so God damn complicated since Claire told me that Yu is…was trans. And now I’m fucking reading into every move they make. I hate it. And I know Claire let something slip to…them. Yu’s been acting weird since they spoke. Overcompensating. God, stop hyper-analyzing everything little thing Misha! But it’s true. Something has changed. What, though? Okay. Deep breath. “Rei, now is not the time.” “Why not?” She drops the grin and now just looks uncharacteristically genuine. “Come on, be honest, don’t you want to be with Yu? Fuck what his mom wants, we can all tell he wants to be with you too.” “Rei…” “No, I’m being serious. It’s stupid, this little dance you two are trapped in. Will they, won’t they. I know I tease you but like…you two feel meant to be. I just want you both to be happy. You’re… my friends. I’m happy you're still here with me.” Oh God…I can’t shoot her down when she says that. “Rei, I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. And it’s…it’s so much more complicated than it was when we were in high school. I can’t describe why. I’m not even in a place where I can begin to do that.” “Can’t? Or won’t?” Rei sounds a little hurt. “I know Claire told you something.” “Can’t. I’m being serious, I wish I could but…” Rei sombers, “Okay, yeah. I…sorry, I’m not trying to guilt you into it. You never guilted me into spilling my secrets. And I’m glad I got to tell you about…well, you know. Being a giant raging lesbian, when I was ready. I just want to help you two. When we lost Misaki, you were there for me and so was Yu. And it kinda fucking rules to be in a relationship. I get to make out with Claire, Misha!” Rei’s eyes go just a bit too wide with that last comment. “I regret to inform you that I've noticed.” That makes Rei blush, but she laughs and rubs the back of her neck. I am happy for her though, really. Rei coughs. “It’s great. Seriously, Misha. I was kind of scared that it would fall apart, but it’s so much better than I would have ever thought.” Rei gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’m happy for you. I’m sure I…I’m sure we will figure it out one day, but it’s going to take time. I don’t know if either of us are ready for what it means.” Rei just nods, like she understands. But she can’t. Not really. I don't. If I’m being honest I feel like I’m grasping at straws. Is Yu, my Yu, trans? The question feels harder than ever now that whatever Claire said to them has put their guard up even more. And I shouldn’t even know this. God damn it. I asked for it, too. I mean realistically I don’t think there was anything else Claire could have told me that would have…well, convinced me doesn’t sound quite right. There is a part of me that refuses to believe there is actually some stupid looping cycle happening, regardless of what Rei believes. But Claire does know us. She knows things that there’s no way she could possibly have known. Not like this. I have no explanation for it. And Claire is genuine. This new version of herself is actually her. It’s not an act. I don’t think she could have convinced me to move in with them otherwise. As unlikely as it would have been just a short while ago, I actually trust her. Except when it comes to letting shit slip. Christ. I wish I knew what she said to Yu that set them off. Knowing Yu, it was probably something small, too. He—she—they—damn it—always reads into everything way too much. I wish I could stop endlessly stressing out over this. Yu has to have some idea about it, right? Right? “Hey, are you okay?” Rei asks. Shit, I got stuck in my head. Again. “Just thinking. Look, I do appreciate it, Rei. I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad we still get to be roommates. As long as I don’t have to watch Claire try to undress you again, that won’t change.” Rei coughs and blushes again. “God, I’m so sorry about that. We just got in the zone and you were so quiet and—” Dear God, just stop, Rei. “I was there Rei, I know. But please, for my sake and Catherine’s, keep it in your room in the future. It will be easier now, at least.” I never need to hear Rei moan while being called a good girl ever again. Ever. “Yeah…uh, we’ll make

71_3

sure to do that.” At least Rei isn’t completely shameless about it. God, that would be absolutely insufferable. Thankfully we’re saved from this embarrassing conversation by a knock on the door. Claire quickly jumps up and lets in the sofa delivery men. The delivery doesn’t take long at all, as Catherine is very quick to direct them to put the new sofa in exactly the right spot. The movers are finished and gone before we even know it. Catherine flops dramatically onto the sofa and sighs in absolute bliss. “This is a rather nice sofa, isn’t it? It’s much bigger than the old one, too,” Claire says as she sits on the ‘L’ opposite Catherine. “Oh, it’s quite comfy. I think the previous one looked comfier than it actually felt once you sat on it.” “Hmmm.” Catherine is blissfully lost in the plush cushions. Claire lets out a breath. “It’s certainly been a long, busy day.” She leans against the backrest and closes her eyes. Rei materializes behind her like a ninja and starts to massage Claire's shoulders, eliciting a happy moan from her “wife.” “Oh Rei, that’s wonderful.” Catherine stiffens and I can practically feel her glare at the two of them. “We aren’t doing anything.” Claire pouts. Rei doesn’t stop massaging her shoulders as she grins. Catherine points two fingers at her eyes and then at the two of them. “You’re lucky I let you sit on my pure, innocent sofa at all after what you did, you heathens. I’m watching you carefully.” They all giggle and Catherine relaxes back into the cushions. I should give the sofa a test myself—at that moment my phone buzzes in my back pocket. It’s Mom. “Hello?” “Misha dear, your dad and I are at the front door with your stuff. Could you let us in?” It sounds like Dad is talking to someone in the background. “Sure, Mom, just use the buzzer by the door. It’s apartment forty-six twenty-one.” “Oh, okay. This place is rather fancy.” I did warn you that it was, Mom. “Yeah, it’s really nice. I’ll see you soon, Mom!” It takes a few seconds, but soon my phone buzzes again. “I got it.” I use the app to unlock the door. Handy. I could get used to this. Not too long after that my parents are knocking at our front door. I was expecting them to have brought too much stuff. What I wasn’t expecting was the three extra people they brought with them. “I hope you don’t mind that we asked your friends to help bring all of this up. We saw them milling about downstairs and I realized I recognized these boys,” Dad says. He’s pushing a dolly loaded with several large boxes, and none other than Rod is helping him balance it. Mom is carrying several bags, and behind her Yu and Thane are lugging several boxes between them. Yu peeks over their box, looking a little sheepish. “Hi. We were…around.” Smooth one, Yu. Rod laughs. “Suuuure. Around.” He and Dad wheel the dolly into the living room. Dad shoots me an inquisitive look. “Umm, that room is mine.” I point in the direction of my bedroom door and he nods. Dad and Rod are quick to roll my stuff inside. Mom brings her load of bags in next, marveling at the place. “It was so lucky of us to have caught Yu and his brothers out front. It would have taken your father and I so much longer to get everything up on our own. They’ve grown up so much. Rod and Thane are so tall.” “Umm, Jur-san, do you also want these in your room?” Thane asks, his arms still full of boxes. “Oh, yes, thanks. Mom, I said you didn't have to bring that much. Did you bring everything?” Mom clicks her tongue. “We didn’t bring everything, dear. But I brought what I thought you might like. You said you had more room in this new place, and I know how much you love your books.” God, she really did bring everything. She continues talking, oblivious to my exasperation. “But my goodness, you didn’t mention how nice this place is.” “I said it was nicer.” “Are you sure you can afford this?” She pitches her voice low so that the others won’t hear. Come on, Mom, not now. “Yes, I already told you that I can. Francois-san’s mom owns this place. She’s not charging us more than we paid for the dorm.” “I have to thank her, then, for taking such good care of you all. This apartment really is lovely, and so spacious. The kitchen is so big! Oh, that reminds me, I brought food.” She lifts one of the bags she’s holding. Really, Mom? “Oh, thank you so much, Jur-san.” Claire comes in from the living room to guide Mom to the fridge. “I wasn’t expecting everyone else to be here too.” She glances over to the couch and I can’t help but follow her gaze. Where did Catherine go? Ghosts make more noise when disappearing than she does. “You must be Francois-san?” Mom addresses her politely. Claire nods as she helps Mom unpack the food into the fridge. “Yes, Misha is a very dear friend, even though she’s only known me for a short while. I would have felt terrible if we stranded her after stealing Rei.” “Well, I’m sure Rei isn’t complaining about being stolen.” I quip. “I’m not.” Rei laughs, still hanging out by the sofa. She moves to the kitchen to join us. “But I would never have let Misha get left behind, of course. She’s like family.” “Rei! It’s so good to see you.” Mom attacks Rei the moment she enters the kitchen, scooping her up into a big hug. It really does feel like she’s part of the family sometimes. “It’s nice to see you too, Jur-san. Thank you for everything.” Mom beams and fusses over her. “Dear, it’s our pleasure.” She turns back to Claire, who is still putting away the food along with several bags of groceries. Mom seems to have packed half of the contents of our kitchen at home as well. Sigh. “Francois-san, Misha mentioned that your mother owns this lovely apartment?” Claire turns to her and gives a polite, friendly smile. “Yes. As you’re probably aware from my name, Mother runs a large company. Money isn’t an issue for us.” Mom looks at me, impressed. God, she’s going to grill me about that later, isn’t she? They set to work unpacking everything and stowing it in the cabinets and fridge. Despite the size of our kitchen, there isn’t much room for me to join in. Mom really does seem to have brought the entire pantry with her. I guess we won’t need food for a bit. “Just to be clear, we just happened to be around.” Yu emerges from depositing boxes in my room, hands free. He—they—are trying way too hard to act casual. Come on, Yu, it’s just me. “Nice to see you, too.” At least that gets them to smile, even if they’re still a bit shy. Yu really can be cute. Then a hand descends on their head and ruffles their hair. “You dork, don’t act like you weren’t looking for an excuse to check out Misha’s new place,” Rod says. Yeah, I figured as much. I can’t help laughing as Yu tries to fend off Rod. It’s nowhere near a fair fight and Yu’s feeble attempts just make Rod laugh. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.” Yu glares at Rod, but in typical Rod fashion he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. “Rei-san, Claire-san. You two finally hooked up!” Jesus. Christ. Rod. Claire doesn’t look phased, but Rei nearly drops what she was holding. She looks panicked. “Hooked up?” Mom echoes. Damn it. “Rod, that was a rather crass way to put it.” Claire clicks her tongue and discreetly tilts her head in Mom’s direction. Ugh… “Hooked up?” Mom repeats again. “Is that a problem?” Claire asks, looking ready to fight if need be. Mom blinks. It’s hard to tell what she’s thinking. She glances at Rei, who looks mortified. “Are you dating Francois-san, Rei-chan?” I still can’t really read Mom’s reaction. She sounds befuddled but I can’t tell why. It’s nerve wracking. An eerie quiet falls over the kitchen. Even Rod seems to have realized the landmine he set off. The silence is finally broken when Rei gulps loudly. She squares her shoulders and looks Mom in the eye. “Yes. I’m…in a relationship with Claire.” I can tell she’s trying her best to put up a strong front. Claire comes from behind and gently takes Rei’s hand. Rei is nervous, but she looks…proud. Then Mom abruptly pulls Rei into a hug. What? “Oh dear, I’m so proud of you!” “What?”” Rei squeaks. “I was worried it would be hard for you. And you found such a kind and beautiful girlfriend!” Huh? Mom? “What is going on?” Rei squawks while being smothered by Mom’s arms. “Wasn’t even worried.” Christ, Rod, you are so full of shit. “Oh. My. God. Rod. Shut the fuck up.” Yu mumbles. “Hang on. You already knew

71_4

? How!? Misha? MISHA?” Rei tries to find me and make eye contact despite Mom’s all-encompassing hug. But…how did Mom know? “I didn’t say anything!” This is not on me, I swear! “She didn’t, Rei-chan. The walls in our house are thin and one day I just happened to overhear you telling Misha about being outed in middle school when you were visiting us…I’m sorry dear—I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I’m so happy for you now.” Oh God, how many things did Mom hear when we were growing up? “So you’re okay with…me being a lesbian?” Rei’s panic is gone now, but she still sounds a bit wary. “Rei, I have to admit that I didn’t have the best of opinions about that sort of thing before I heard. But seeing how happy you are now, and knowing how close you and Misha have always been, well, I found a new perspective. You’re like family to us. You deserve to be happy.” It’s such a relief to hear Mom say that. “Thank you…” Rei’s voice cracks, and Claire pulls her in as soon as Mom lets her go. “And Bauer-kun!” Mom turns to face Rod, who immediately stiffens. She marches up to him. “That was careless of you.” Rod bows to Mom in a rare show of humility. “You’re right, ma’am. I apologize.” Yu then shoves an elbow in his stomach and Rod elbows them back. “Sorry, Oohashi-san, I…I meant it to be teasing among friends. I didn’t think about who else was present. I’m happy for you two.” “Uhhhh…please don’t make a big deal out of it.” Rei looks pretty uncomfortable. “Sure.” Rod straightens back up and smiles. Thane materializes behind Rod and sighs. “This is why Yu and I don’t tell you everything.” “Hey, come on, I’m not that bad.” Rod acts hurt, but Thane isn’t deterred. Yu glares at him like they want to strangle him. “Oohashi-san, I want you to know I didn’t tell anyone about our talk. And I’m also glad to see you two have patched things up,” Thane says with a smile in Rei’s direction. Claire smiles back at him gratefully. “I didn’t tell Rod shit, either.” Yu remarks. “Yeah, I had to figure it out myself. So thanks guys. Anyway, sorry for hitting on you before, Oohashi-san. It won’t happen again.” Rod, surprisingly, gives another bow to Rei. Claire glares at Rod. “It better not. Ever.” I can see the shiver that ripples through Rei. God, Rei, you are such a simp. “Po-sses-sive much? Wow, you really dodged a bullet there, Thane.” Rod laughs, but it comes off as a little stilted. Seems like he is trying to power through his fuckup. Thane groans and then decides it’s better to ignore the comment. “Jur-san, I did want to let you know that everything is in your room, and your father is putting together some of your furniture. Rod, I said we’d help if he needed it.” “Totally, in fact I think I’ll go check on him right now. Congrats again, lovebirds.” It’s not often that I get to see Rod acting very awkward. It’s kinda funny. Once Rod disappears, Yu speaks up. “I really didn’t tell him anything. I just want you to know, Rei.” There’s something odd in their voice. Yu always does their best to keep those kinds of secrets between us…but now something feels different. Like it hits closer to home. God, I wish I could just stop with these thoughts already. Any moment now, brain. “Oh, yeah, don’t worry. I believe you. Honestly, I think Rod probably just figured it out from being around us. ” Rei gulps. “I don’t really mind, I just, you know, don’t need the whole school to know. Not again.” Claire wraps her arms around Rei from behind and Rei chuckles and places her hands over Claire’s. For the briefest second Yu shoots a glare at Claire—she definitely said something to them—but I’m the only one that catches it. Yu is very practiced at hiding their feelings, but I know them too well to miss something like that. “Well, it’s true that you two are…quite obvious.” Yu smirks, and that makes Rei frown. Claire giggles and kisses Rei’s ear. “It’s good to see you visit, Yu-san. I want you to know you are always welcome. Don’t feel like you are intruding if you ever want to come see Misha.” Claire’s offer is very sincere. For another split second I see something flicker across Yu’s face again. I think they’re suspicious of Claire’s sincerity. I’m pretty sure Claire also caught Yu’s expression this time, but she just smiles. She means it, Yu, she’s just trying to help. “Well, I’ll try to not overstay my welcome either way.” Great, now Yu is distancing themself again. I sigh. “Yu, you can always show up whenever. That hasn’t changed.” “I don’t mind either. Umm, Catherine might turn into a ghost again, though.” Rei chimes in. “Who?” Yu looks around. “Oh, Catherine is my sister. We aren’t related by blood, but we grew up in the same household. She’s usually not fond of company, and she disappeared when you came in. Some things never change. Don’t worry about her—if she doesn’t want to be around, she won’t be,” Claire explains. Yeah, it took a while for her to warm up to me too. It’s a good thing she did since we’re roommates now. “Are you up for hanging out for a bit, Yu? Or are you going to bail soon?” I hope they stay for a bit but I don’t want to pressure them too much. “I suppose I could stay.” Yu says nonchalantly. “I suppose I might like that, if it’s okay with you.” Two can play that game. Yu waits a moment, bashfully avoiding my eyes. “Sure, why not.” “Thank you.” I make the mistake of looking at Rei. She’s giving me that look again and wiggling her eyebrows. Can. You. Fucking. Not. “Is anyone hungry? I can heat up some of this food,” Mom calls from the kitchen. Everyone turns to look at her. There’s a pause. Everyone seems hesitant to be the first to speak up. Fine, I’ll do it since she’s my mom. “What did you end up bringing?” “Curry—I thought it would be a crowd pleaser.” I can feel my stomach stir. “Sure, that sounds tasty.” “If you're offering, I’ll gladly have some.” Yu says with a polite smile. “Yes, please.” “Thank you, I’d love some.” Mom looks pleased and quickly pulls a stack of plates down from the cupboard. Claire is quick to step in and help. “So you’re good, then? With Claire.” Yu says to Rei in a low voice now that Claire is otherwise occupied. Rei looks confused, glancing at Claire busying herself in the kitchen. “Yeah?” “But she’s…?” Yu can’t quite figure out how to end their sentence. Rei’s face scrunches. “She’s what?” “Claire.” “Yu I really li—I love her.” Yu shakes their head. “It’s just so hard to believe given what the Claire I know was like—” “She’s changed,” Rei cuts in, leaving no room for argument. Yu sighs. “I’m just, you know. Looking out for you.” “Just trust me. Okay? Even Misha is okay with Claire. What’s your deal?” Rei’s willingness to fight for Claire is clearly not something Yu anticipated. “Something is off,” is all that Yu offers. By this point Rei seems to realize that Yu has also picked up on Claire’s odd behavior. The disjunction is obvious to anyone who’s really paying attention. “Just give her a chance, please.” I need to help convince Yu. “Yu, please. I know how weird it seems, but if you give Claire a chance you’ll see she’s not who you think she is.” I place a hand on Yu’s back. “Misha, she’s hiding something!” Yu abruptly turns to me, speaking in a low but very urgent voice. It catches us all off guard, themself included. Rei is the first to respond. “No shit, we all have stuff we want to hide Yu. She’s doing the best she can.” “So you actually know what her deal is?” I wish I knew whatever conspiracy Yu has cooked up in their head. “Of course I know. Or at least I think I know whatever is setting off your wonky spider-sense. It’s not what you think it is. Can you just, I don’t know, not go Spanish inquisition on her please?” Rei is deadly serious as she addresses Yu in hushed tones. “I wasn’t going to—” “I know, but you keep tabs on, like, everything, Yu. I trust her, and she trusts me. She’s good, Yu. I promise.” Yu’s shoulders sag. “Fine. I’m just…you two seem all over the place. One day you’re breaking up, and then the next day you're moving in together.” “Oh my God. We weren’t breaking up. Look, I was being stupid. I was…” Rei takes a breath. “It

71_5

’s fucking scary being honest with someone you love, okay? And I wasn’t ready to be honest…with her or with myself, but then we managed to work it out. I was scared, and I had to work through that.” I can’t help but look over at Yu to see how they react to hearing that. I know Rei was talking about herself, but… I wish Yu would trust me. Yu’s eyes sink to the floor and they swallow. “Okay…sorry, Rei, I just—” Rei puts a hand on Yu’s arm. “Yu, it’s okay. Really. I get it, but it’s a totally different situation than it was with Kosaki.” Yu stiffens, hmm. “Yeah, okay.” Yu still seems a bit unconvinced. “I don’t get her, though.” Rei ponders. “Did she say something weird to you? Like, something a bit too personal that seemed to come out of nowhere?” “She doesn’t know me,” Yu snaps. God, they are in such denial. “Okay, sheesh. She’s better than you think at reading people, for what it’s worth.” Rei tries to give Yu an opening. “She hasn’t read me.” Yu grits their teeth, still deep in denial. “What did she say to you?” I ask gently. I try to put a hand on their arm, but they just jerk away. “She didn’t say anything to me. I don’t know why you two are so obsessed with this.” Oh, Yu… Rei just looks perplexed. At least I already knew that Yu was acting weird, but she has no idea what’s going on. Thank God Claire has managed to keep this a secret from her. For now I just want Yu to calm down. “Yu, we—” “Food’s ready!” Mom's voice rings out. “I’m starving.” Yu says, and abruptly ends the conversation and heads to the kitchen. Rei looks at me and mouths “What the fuck?” I wish I could say.

3_1

It doesn't take long for us to buy the ibuprofen. I make sure to find some licorice as well. Rae explains how a credit card works; apparently coins are not such a common means of payment anymore, though paper bills are still somewhat common. I also notice the expression on Rae’s face when she notes that my credit card is a gold one. A sign of affluence, I surmise. I might be something akin to nobility here as well, but I suppose that explanation is best left up to Catherine. Our trip off campus to the pharmacy doesn’t take much time, and Rae decides to take the opportunity to make some headway into her ‘crash course’ in modern life. It’s quite a lot of information to take in all at once, and I can already tell I will need to go over it again later. The university is in the middle of the city, Tokyo, and I try not to get distracted by all the new architecture all around us. I even spy several large towering buildings—skyscrapers, as Rae calls them. They dwarf anything from Bauer. By the time we make it to the dorms, the only thing I can really recall about what she told me is that the internet is important and I have to be careful when I use it. And it’s not a literal net . Soon we are in front of my room, which has a six hundred and seventy two written on the door. I had not expected the hall to look so… plain. It's hard to believe that people are living in such a dull place. At least my door key still works the same way here. “Claire?” I can hear Catherine’s voice inside as I open the door. The room is quite big, and looks well-serviced. I think I can even see something resembling a kitchen area, along with a couple of beds, two desks and a pair of sofas facing a thin black slate hanging on the wall. Its style and shape reminds me of the phone from earlier, but much, much larger. Rae whistles. “Wow, sick flat.” “Catherine, I’m back! We brought the ibuprofen you asked for.” It doesn’t take long to spot her— she’s sitting on one of the sofas, rubbing her shorter left leg. She is missing the half below the knee in this life as well. The incident that claimed my mother’s life was to blame before, but in this life I wonder… “Can you bring it over? I had to take my leg off. It’s been a bad day.” Take her leg off ? She is trying to keep her breathing steady through the pain. I waste no time giving her the bottle we acquired. “Thank God,” she says, popping the bottle open and taking out two small pills. She swallows them in one gulp, then sighs and sinks into the sofa. “ Please let it kick in soon. So who is your new friend ? Oohashi-san, was that it?” “Um, yes, this is Rae.” I gesture for Rae to come in and sit down. Catherine sighs. I feel a little guilty introducing the two of them while Catherine can’t escape like she used to back in my old life, but this conversation has to happen. “Rae was my wife.” “Francois-san! You can’t lead with that!” Rae spouts, trying to keep herself from shouting. Catherine inspects the bottle once more. She shuts her eyes for a beat, then looks at me. “ What ?” “Today I woke up with memories of a previous life where I was married to Rae.” I explain. I have no intention of wasting time by beating around the bush. “It’s also worth mentioning that she no longer has any memories from this life.” Rae jumps in, sounding a little annoyed. “Oh,” is all Catherine says. She looks at the bottle once more, but can’t find any answers there. Silence fills the room. I do my best to wait for her, but it is taking a while. I start to give an explanation, but she cuts me off before I can voice anything. “Please just let the meds kick in first.” Eventually Catherine leans forward again, rubbing her knee and its stump. Letting out a breath, she finally says, “Okay, what the fuck Claire? What are you trying to pull?” It seems cursing is a far more common thing in this world. I sigh. “I am not trying to pull anything; it’s the truth.” I try to school my temper but the accusation irks me, and I can hear the edge in my voice. “Right, Claire, this is stupid. You can’t actually expect me to believe this, and for what? To avoid apologizing for dragging me to a stupid mixer I didn’t want to go to? My prosthetic got broken and you didn’t even help me get home. You just ditched me to do what? Get laid! I’m actually mad now! I can’t believe you right now.” Catherine is practically apoplectic. I have never seen her mad like this before, and it’s apparently my fault. Or some version of myself. The story she recounts makes my stomach twist. How could I do that to her? “Catherine, I have much to make up for, and I will start doing so immediately, but please—I can’t recall anything about what happened in this life before an hour ago.” Please believe me. Catherine glares at me. I can see tears prickle the corners of her eyes. “God, I can’t believe you would stoop to something this stupid. Find yourself a new roommate, Claire.” “Hey, come on, she’s telling the truth. I didn’t believe her at first but there really isn’t any other explanation.” Rae jumps up and protectively gets in between the two of us. Catherine just lets out a humorless laugh, “Oh, and how did she wrap you up in this? Did she pay you to lie to me, wifey ?” Rae grits her teeth but overwise stays calm. “We’ve never talked before today and yet she knew a lot of things about me, private things . Maybe you could try explaining that.” “ Oh ? And exactly what sort of private things did she know?” Rae takes a deep breath. “She knew I was gay.” The last word comes out a squeak and Rae blushes. Catherine just rolls her eyes. “I could have told you that just watching you being around her for five minutes. Try again .” Rae take another deep breath, “She knew about my friend’s suicide.” Catherine doesn’t say anything. She looks genuinely taken aback. Rae takes a moment to stabilize herself. She’s starting to tremble again. “He… he was born a girl, but he couldn’t be himself. His family wouldn’t let him… and after we all graduated he took his life. Only a few of us knew what he was going through, and his family still denies it.” Rae is holding back a lot and she is visibly shaking. “No one could have known, but Francois-san knew and she knew why. The only way she could have known is if I told her. And she said the me in her past life told her.” I move next to Rae and wrap my arm around her, drawing her in. She feels so small. Catherine eyes us. I can see her still trying to figure out what is happening, but I think the doubt is starting to falter. “You could still be lying.” “My friend is—” “Hey, hey, that's not what I…” She sighs. “I’m sorry, that sucks. This… still doesn’t sound real. Claire, you weren't surprised when you saw me missing half a leg. How do you explain that?” I lead Rae back to a seat on a sofa and sit beside her. “In my past life you also lost your leg in that… accident.” “How did that accident happen there, then?” She narrows her gaze. “My father had been trying to achieve political reform amongst the nobility. Commoners were being abused by the nobility in many places in the Kingdom of Bauer. His opponents had arranged for an accident to happen on his carriage trip between states.” I know how Catherine feels about her involvement with this ‘accident’. I don’t blame her for her role in it, but I know she blamed herself for many years. “His carriage was pushed off a cliff pass and it collided with your own. You lost your leg, and my mother lost her life. Shortly thereafter I was sent to live with my second cousin, Sister Manaria, for half a year in the kingdom of Sousse. Despite it all, you and I remained friends thereafter. I am sorry for how poorly this version of me has treated you as of late.” Catherine listens quietly, betraying little of her thoughts. Her only reaction is when I mention my mother dying. Seeing Catherine’s amputated leg means my mother has passed on here as well. “Claire.” There isn’t an edge to Catherine’s voice this time; it’s been replaced with… concern. “This is a really shity thing to do if you’re not lying…” She lets out a heavy breath. “But I need to see one more thing. Can you please open up your phone and look at your photos from, like, a month back?” Phone ? Oh right, the thing I used earlier. I dig through my bag and pull out the phone again. How I am supposed to open this? It is only one piece. “Oh, umm, when she says open it up she means start it up, turn it on,” Rae says. She holds out her hand for the phone. Catherine watches the interaction but is otherwise silent. “Okay, so before when she called you, it turned on beca

3_2

use that's what it does when a call comes in. When there isn’t a call you can open it up like this.” She tilts the phone to show its side, pointing out a small button. When she presses it, the phone lights up again. There is a picture of a scenic view. “So this is the lock screen, which shows the time and date. Let's hope you have it on face recognition.” Rae looks to Catherine, but she makes no further comment. She taps the phone and the surface changes again. “Okay so when you do this, it will unlock if you show it your face.” The phone’s surface is now like a mirror. She tilts it so my face is reflected and then it chimes and many symbols show up. “Thank god we didn’t need a pin. Okay so should we go to her photo album or Insta or what?” “Just her album,” Catherine replies, betraying no emotion. She is watching me carefully. “Right…” Rae starts to tap the phone, moving the symbols and then tapping one which now shows many small pictures, perfect little images, like the reflection from before but still and unmoving. She swipes the phone more and the picture move quickly—” “Stop!” I grab the phone, feeling my heart in my throat. It’s my mother. “How do I…?” “Just tap,” Rae says. I gulp and tap the small picture which expands to fill the phone’s surface. It's a picture of my mother and me, in which she is smiling and I am frowning. The me in the picture is the exact same me I am right now. The me from here…. “Catherine…” I can feel tears starting to well in my eyes. My throat is tightening and I can feel Rae’s hand on my shoulder. I can’t keep it in—somehow, my mother isn’t dead. A ugly sound escapes my throat but I’m smiling through the tears. I can see my mother again. I can tell her I’m sorry. Oh God, she won’t even know what I am talking about but that doesn’t matter— “Claire….” Catherine's voice is very measured, careful. I understand that tone. “What happened to your father in your other life?” “I…” It feels like I am six again. I struggle to even get the words out. “He lived…” Catherine’s silence is very telling and she looks at the floor. “He lived a long life. He lived to see our girls grow up, Rae, he—” I choke back a very different sob this time. “He loved them.” Rae pulls me into a hug and another ugly sob escapes from me. Rationally I know that I shouldn't be so upset, but knowing everything he won't be here for this time is heartbreaking. May and Aleah loved him so much and now… Rae just holds me and rocks me. Bless her, she is still here for me. Trading one parent for the other… “I’m sorry, Claire.” Catherine sounds exhausted. “I shouldn’t be upset, I… I already lived a full life with him… I’m… I’m just being selfish.” “Hey,” Rae says softly, “you’re allowed to be selfish.” Catherine clears her throat. “You never let anyone touch your phone and… I’m sorry, I’m still having trouble believing it, but I had to be sure. At least I know you aren’t lying anymore. You may be deluded, but you aren’t lying.” I take a breath to try to calm myself. “There’s so much she doesn’t know now. She doesn’t know how to use a phone, if she could drive before she can’t now, and I don’t even know how she is supposed to do her classes.” Rae tries her best to explain and slowly pulls back from me. Hesitantly, I let her. I miss the closeness and have to fight the urge to grab her again. Catherine just groans and sinks back into the sofa. “She needs help, umm…” “It’s Achard, Catherine Achard.” Catherine introduces herself, not hiding her annoyance. “Thank you Achard-san.” At least Rae is being polite. “So are you helping her too, then Oohashi-san?” Catherine asks. “Yes, I’ll help. We share some classes, so I can help you catch up and you can ask me questions that would be weird to ask others,” she says, turning to me. She has a soft smile, but she is bashful and has trouble looking at me directly. I give her a light hug. “Thank you Rae. Even here you come to my rescue.” She gives off a nervous laugh as I pull back. Catherine is analyzing us again. ‘Really?’ I can hear her say with just her stare. I make sure my return stare says yes. Catherine and Rae spend some time working out an itinerary, dubbed the ‘Modernize Claire Plan’. There is little I can do to assist outside of confirming I do have some education in subjects that can carry over, such as arithmetic and writing. My knowledge of science is extremely lacking, apparently. Evening falls before we’re even aware of it. “I’m going to have to get going soon,” Rae says after doing a stretch. “ My roommate is going to worry if I’m out too long. I think we’re off to a good start. I can come over early in the morning and help you get to class until you are used to it yourself.” “I would apprentice that. Thank you Rae.” A light blush dusts her cheeks and it’s too cute. I want to kiss her. Remember, take it slow Claire. She doesn’t know you. “Oh, one more thing… it would be a good idea to maybe exchange numbers, so you can reach me.” Rea stutters and her blush deepens. I can’t help but laugh at how she acts. “Numbers?” “Phone numbers. The phone can remember them, but you need to tell it first. It’s how it knows who to call.” She explains. “Oh right, I think you might have mentioned that. Sorry, it’s been a lot to take in…how does that work?” Thankfully the process isn’t too complicated. Rae shows me where all the numbers are recorded. Apparently the other me had collected many of them, mostly from names I don’t recognize. I think I might be getting a handle on using this device, though. I am even able to make a ‘profile’ for Rae. She has to help, of course, but it’s still a little exciting. She shows me one more time how to call a ‘contact’. I know who I want to call first. “Oh, another thing you should know is how to text people. It’s like, um, writing a letter I guess, but it’s done through the phone. Here, let me show you.” She starts tapping away on her own phone. “Check your phone now.” My phone shakes and I see, what was it called, a notification ? Hi Oh that’s lovely. I imagine it’s slow in contrast to how fast Rae did it, but I write out a simple reply. Hello “Look, you're a natural.” Rae encourages me, even though this has to be a simple thing to her. “It’s starting to make more sense.” It will be so easy to keep in touch with her now. “Cool…. Um, you should probably not get too deep into all the other stuff on the phone yet. We can ease you into the rest.” She waves her hand over the phone. She did mention there was a lot more it could do. Catherine chimes in. “Yeah, we don’t want you ruining your life even more by doing something stupid on your phone.” I laugh. “Surely you jest.” Their silence is a bit unnerving. “But how—” “Just trust us, we’ll ease you into it. You’ve already had to take in a lot tonight and we haven’t even really talked about the internet.” She mentioned that before. Wait, I think Rae mentioned something about that in our past life… “Computers?” “You remember something?” Rae looks a bit surprised. “Well no, not in the way you’re thinking. You used to talk about computers in our past life, mostly when you complained about not having them anymore or some such. Computers use the internet, right? That’s why it sounded familiar.” Rae missed those a lot. “Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense. It would suck to lose that. Well, I’m going to get out of here.” Rae pulls herself off the sofa and collects her bag, making her way to the door. “Wait, one last thing.” I follow her over to the door. “Is your roommate Misha, perchance?” Rae does a double take, “How did you… okay, that’s kinda freaky, Francois-san.” “She was your roommate when we went to school, too.” I wonder if there are others from our past life here too. Yu, Thane, Rod, even Loretta and Pepi. I can worry about that later, however. “I just thought to ask because we were all close friends, and I get the feeling that I don’t know Misha here. The main point I want to make is that you should tell Misha about this if you think it isn’t a bad idea. I trust her, and if you think it would help I don’t mind her knowing about this.” Rae nods slowly, though she seems uncertain, “Are you sure? You’re right that it might make some things easier, but…” “I trust her, Rae,” I say again. “Okay…she’s probably just going to think I’m crazy.” Rae gets a little lost in her head, trying to play out that conversation. “Oh believe me, she has put up with far worse from

3_3

you.” I laugh and pull her into a quick hug. “Make it home safely. I'll see you tomorrow.” Rae stutters, not really saying anything outside of squeaking a quick “Bye” before disappearing out the door. I really want to tease her more. I miss the kisses we used to have when we parted. “Man, what a dork,” Catherine says once the door closes. “Don’t be mean.” I take a seat on the sofa. “You really do like her, don’t you?” It’s not hard to imagine how different I must seem to her now. Did the me here… “Did the old me ever show an interest in girls?” “If you did, you were so deep in the closet you made sure no one else knew.” “Right, Rae used to use that expression too.” “It means you were hiding that you were gay, or queer, I guess.” “And I suppose I wasn’t the most sympathetic about trans people either?” “...Yeah, I don’t know. Not like this at least. So you’re just cool with all of that?” I’m not quite sure what she means to ask. “It would be weirder for me to not be. Rae and I have been married for so long.” It makes me feel so soft just thinking about it. “This is so weird. You never smile like that.” I can’t stop my brow from quirking. “Like I’m happy?” “Errr… yeah.” Catherine is hesitant to elaborate. What was I even like here? In a way, I have erased the old Claire. What did she mean to other people here? “Was I happy here before?” Catherine gnaws her lip. “I don’t know. It didn’t seem like it.” “I seem to have stolen your Claire, haven’t I?” Rae had said she held onto her memories from both of her lives. It would be a lie if I said I weren’t frustrated to not have that same luxury. Catherine mulls it over some more. “I don’t know, it’s weird. You still feel like you. Just not mad or absent anymore. You could be a real bitch before… sorry. You also talk a little differently, too.” I can’t help but chuckle. “Well, I was definitely hard to deal with when I was younger. Oh.” I pull open my bag and find the other half of my purchase. “I got you some licorice along with your medicine.” Catherine’s brow furrows in confusion as I lean over to pass the bag of her favorite candy. “How? …you haven’t given me candy since we were kids.” “Consider it my apology for my earlier behavior. Can I ask, is your father terrible here too?" In the world I remembered he had been arrested, and Catherine had used her magic to erase his memories before trying to disappear herself. I doubt she can pull that trick again here. Her face contorts in disgust. I can already tell what she’s going to say, but she answers anyway. “Yes, and If I never have to talk to that shit stain again, all the better.” She pops open the bag of licorice and angrily stuffs several pieces in her mouth. “Thanks,” she huffs, and then eats a few more. I could ask about my parents, and about what happened here. But that would lead to potentially talking about a very touchy subject far too soon. It can wait. For now. It still feels unreal that Mother is alive and well here and I could talk to her again. I don’t think I am ready for that yet. “You doing okay?” Catherine asks, drawing me out of my thoughts. “I think so, yes, it's… it’s exciting, but it’s also a lot and so much of it is intimidating. Rae honestly made it look so easy in our past life, yet here I didn’t even know how to purchase something. Thank you for asking, Catherine.” “Don’t thank me yet. I have no idea how we’re going to onboard you as fast as we need to, let alone get you up to speed for classes. Not that your grades were that stellar…” Catherine mumbles that last part as she chews her candy. The licorice seems to have helped her mood even more than the medicine. How could I let my grades slip, though? “What was that about my grades?” Catherine takes a moment to finish chewing and swallowing her treats. “Well… I would say some social obligations had taken a higher priority for you. You’ve had good grades in the past but… I don’t really know the whole story. You don’t exactly talk about yourself very much—” “And even if I did, I didn’t have the best self awareness when I was younger.” I can’t help the self-deprecating laugh that comes out. Catherine mulls the comment over, as if she had only planned to hint at what I just said and is somewhat nonplussed that I just spelled it out. “Huh, this is weird. It’s like I’m talking to an older version of you or something, I guess.” “I raised two daughters, Catherine.” I was older, but now I feel young again. Catherine just stares at me, trying to take in such a misleadingly simple statement. “Really? How old were you?” What is the last thing I remember? Lying down. Rae holding my hand, or was I holding hers? The girls were there. Beautiful as always. The rest… feels hazy. “I think we had grown old together, Catherine. Old enough that those last years are hard to remember.” “Do you feel like an … old lady?” “I… don’t think so? It’s weird—I can recall so much, but it’s almost like a vivid dream. I feel young, like I am twenty again.” There has been so much to take in, but I feel ready to take on this new life. I can see Catherine is mulling over some thoughts, brooding slightly. Is she trying to piece together how she fit into my old life? “We were friends until the end.” That draws her out of her reverie and she looks up, a question clearly tugging at her. I can see she isn’t ready to ask it yet, which is good because I don’t think I am ready to answer. “You mentioned a party or something before?” She sinks into the couch and eats another piece of her licorice. “Yeah, there was a mixer. You dragged me into it and then disappeared. I think you were trying to get close to Bauer Thane-san but you kept a lot of that to yourself.” “King Thane is here too?” I can’t help but sound elated at the idea that our other old friends are here. “Does that mean Rod-san and Yu-chan are here too?” Catherine is caught more than a bit off guard. “King?” “Oh, are they not royalty here? They were the princes and princess before. Thane-san took the throne.” My explanation doesn’t really resolve Catherine’s confusion. “Royalty? Well they are loaded since their dad is the CEO of a major corporation… wait—princess?” That last word hangs in the air. Oh. Oh no. Is Yu… Oh no, is Yu not herself here? Yet? Is she the same? “Please forget I said that. I meant princes.” Catherine just eyes me, not really satisfied. “Look, I don’t know if it’s the same, but it’s not my place to say something about Yu if it is not commonly known and they haven’t said anything about it yet either. Please don’t mention it to anyone, as it might not even be the case here.” Goodness, I should have been more careful about that. Rae always stressed the importance of maintaining one’s privacy about matters like this. Misaki... I am doing terribly at this. Catherine sighs. “You should be careful about spilling secrets then, or potential secrets. Yu, huh? Okay, now that I see it I can’t unsee it.” “Please, if she isn’t ready—” “He,” Catherine corrects me. I take a breath. I know she is trying to reinforce that I need to use that pronoun here, but it still rubs me the wrong way. “If Yu isn’t ready, I don’t want to be the reason something bad happens. It was complicated then, and I have to imagine it will be difficult here too.” Catherine just nods and snacks on another candy. It seems some things don’t change, but she is going to run out at this rate. “So nothing on Bauer-san?” “Hrm? We had always been friends with him and his siblings . What do you mean?” What is she getting at? “Wow, nothing, huh? You were so… umm, how to put it. You were kinda desperate about Thane before?” I can tell she is trying to be somewhat tactful about it, but honestly it’s not needed. “Right. I suppose I had a bit of a crush on him before Rae came along. Wow, I had forgotten about that. It was so long ago, and nothing more than a childish crush at the time.” “This is so weird. You used to go on about him like dating him was going to fix everything and it was the only thing that mattered.” I can’t help but chuckle, “Well, maybe I thought that at the time before too, but then Rae found me. And, well, she is my everything .” Catherine smirks. “Wow, you really do have it bad for that otaku.” “I don’t know what an otaku is, but I can’t help how I feel. I love her.” I’m smiling. Even after a lifetime my feelings have never faded, and something about doing it

3_4

all over again makes me feel nostalgic and hopeful. “Ugh, gross.” Catherine laughs and throws one of the sofa cushions at me, which bounces off harmlessly. “I prefer my treats bitter, not whatever you have going on there. But I’m happy for you, I think.”

14_1

I wasn’t expecting Francois-san to be here before me, am I late? No, I'm twenty minutes early… “Oohashi-san!” She notices me pretty soon as I close in, she looks quite happy this morning. She also looks amazing. She has pulled her hair back into a high tail with a red ribbon, and is wearing a flowy red top with a orange jacket, and stylish white slacks and sandals. Her stomach is very exposed with how high her top is cut… “ Like what you see? ” Her words snap me back to reality, she is smirking, she looks quite proud of herself. She realigns her bag on her shoulder, “You look rather handsome I must say.” Oh this teasing is so unfair, I need to pull my cap down to cover my face a bit to recover but it just causes her to giggle lightly. “So what’s first?” “Right, well we can take a small tour, there is a park and more nearby that should be nice. And then I was thinking we could get lunch after and then head back and I can show you… game stuff.” “That sounds lovely Oohashi-chan.” She beams again, and I don’t know if I can really meet her expectations but I have to at least try. A walk through a park has to be nice right? God I don’t know what I am doing. Maybe I should have just gotten movie tickets instead. But then that might be too much for her to follow and she could’t ask any questions in a theater, and what if it just makes the whole experience confusing and ruins it- “I’ll follow your lead, okay?” Francois-san says, her eyes glance to my hands as we start to move. Right. We are… Does she want to… hold my hand? She must either decide not to, or not have thought to in the first place. Why… Am I disappointed? God why am I overthinking this, girls hold hands all the time right? It doesn’t have to mean something if we did right? People won’t just assume we are… together right? “Everything all right R- Oohashi-chan?” Great, Francois-san is now picking up on my internal consternations. Get it together Rei. “No, yes, I’m all right, you haven’t had a chance to wander around much right?” “No, not much yet. Pepi and Loretta dragged me to a restaurant earlier to interrogate me but nothing else yet. It will be nice, it’s very different from Bauer here.” “Oh, how did that go?” “Okay I think? They had definitely noticed the change in myself and Pepi was, well, quite suspicious to say the least. I think I smoothed it over but I don’t expect the effort to be over yet.” “That’s good, how did you manage that?” “Well, I did tell them that I had changed, I may have suggested it was because I wanted to be better… but I may have also suggested it was because I fell in love.” Oh no… “Francois-san…” “I didn’t say it was you, but then they started jumping to conclusions. First they thought I was being sly and that I was going to bully you, never again… unless you want it. ” Oh GOD. “And then I had to be blunt after that. Yes, I have feelings for you but that was… it. I don’t want them giving you trouble, let me know if they do anything okay?” She glances from the corner of my eye, and I can see she has a few worries. “Sure, but I really wish you would be more careful about that, first Bauer-san and now your two lackeys?” “Pepi and Loretta. And I know Rei, I’m sorry. If I thought I could have done it without falling back on it, I would have, but I am atrocious at lying and I don’t think there is anyone else outside of my family who would know me better than those two.” It’s hard to fault her, it would be like trying to lie to Misha… and I couldn't make it past one night with her. “Are you nervous about being… out?” The image of my desk, kanji scratched on its surface just beckon forth in my mind. Oohashi Rei’s a Lesbo The fucking pit in my stomach. Ugh, that… was miserable. “Maybe a little.” She wouldn't do that, but Kosaki didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand either… “That’s okay,” She tries to soothe me, “I’ll be honest, I never had to deal with that sort of anxiety but that was mostly because I was too stuck on trying to realize I did have feelings for you, and then a revolution happened. It didn’t really matter what anyone thought because everything got turned over. Not to say we lived without prejudice, it still existed even if we were heroes.” I have to guess the other me didn't feel like this… “What was it like? What happened?” “Hmr, well I suppose I first met you when you arrived at the academy. The Academy had started to accept commoners for the first time, and you were an exceptional student. I believe you said that is when you ‘woke’ up, I suppose in a manner similar to how I did just a week ago. You said you had known of that world because it was the plot of a game you loved.” “Wait you're telling me I isekaid into a game?” “I suppose?… I feel like I am forgetting something else but yes, you were reborn in our world. A lost soul.” “So did I die in Japan? Did I say what happened?” Claire turns away, and clutches her bag, “No I don’t believe you did.” She is right, she is bad at lying, but what is trying to avoid telling me, people die- “Anyways you, when we first met immediately proclaimed your love for me, it was very alarming at the time to say the least, I had even been just reprimanding you for sitting in the wrong place when you did. You went out of your way to be around me and I did not react well to it at first. You used your knowledge and cheated your way into being my maid, and then you were trying to play behind the scenes to guide the story you knew as it was unfolding. You knew a revolution was looming on the horizon. You were also a very gifted student, top of the class and one of the only dual casters around, you could wield two elements, earth and water. A very talented chef as well, I’d be lying if I said I don’t look forward to it again.” I can cook? I mean I know how to make really basic stuff, but like cook cook? “Umm, What sort of things did I cook for you?” Francois-san gets a dreamy look on her face, I already feel nervous, “Oh everything, you were always inventing new dishes, but I suppose many of those may have come from here. You were honestly as good or better than some of the chefs we employed when I was still a noble, I believe you even introduced chocolate to Bauer, and mayonnaise. Your crème brûlée is divine .” She looks so proud. I… What? Chocolate? hOOw? I don’t even know the first thing to making that, but I know it’s complicated, and mayonnaise? Maybe?... Isn't it just oil and eggs? Crème brûlée? Ughhhhhhhh- “I….” She looks so expectantly at me… I can’t tell her my level of cooking is just heating up a instant ramen right? “I don’t know if I am that good… but I can try making something later.” I can’t tell her… she looks so proud, how am I supposed to compare to that?! “Oh you don’t have to be so modest, I’m sure whatever you make will be good.” “Oh, well I haven’t really had a place to cook, or time since I started university…” It’s not like my dorm has a kitchen. “You could use ours.” She counters rather quickly. See looks so eager. She has so much faith in my non-existent abilities. I need to let her know. “Sure.” Rei REI! Why did I say that? She smiles so fondly, oh god, that’s why. This is okay…. I can look up something right? I will be prepared this time. It won't be a repeat of the tea again, I am going to knock her out next time. I can do this. “I am looking forward to it.” Change the subject for the love of god Rei. “So a revolution?” “Oh, yes. To say there was imbalance between the nobility and common class would downplay the situation. Things had come to a boiling point and players behind the scenes were manipulating it for their own gain. You however, knew how it would unfold because you were very familiar with the game, so you tried to guide me to become the hero of the movement. I couldn’t see it at the time but with you I learned of the disparity between the classes and I confronted a lot of my own biases. Things came to a head when a volcano erupted, King B… the king lost his life and the government was thrown into chaos. We worked hard to support the commoners while the nobility tried to consolidate power for themselves, things almost turned violent but thanks to you things were settled pretty peacefully. The nobility was abolished, a new government was formed and we eloped afterwards, adopted two girls, twins. May and Aleah, they are wonderful.” “Oh, wow that's a lot.” That’s an understatement. “So this was a game I knew here then?” “Oh, yes you

14_2

were very enamored by it.” “Do you know what it was called?” “Revolution, you said it was like a novel, a dating game?” “An otome?” She just shrugs, “Well can’t say I really ever heard of that game before, I wonder if it exists… did… I?... say anything about it as a game, like why I liked it or when I started?” “Well I don’t think you would have played it at this age, I think you were probably older… To answer the other question, you played it because I was in it, it was love at first sight. Or so you had said.” There is such a teasing smirk on her face. Is she suggesting I… She was my game waifu….? I want to sink in a hole… What? How!? She creeps in closer, “You're blushing Oohashi-chan…” OH GOD, I am going to die. She laughs as she puts more distance between us. “Really?” my voice feels hoarse. “Yes.” she answers, at least it doesn’t sound like she is demeaning me over it, just really teasing me. Good . SHUT UP REI. “Rei?” “YeS?” God why can’t I sound normal. “Are you okay… with this? It’s not too much is it? Sometimes I just fall into old habits and I worry you are just humoring me.” She looks concerned. That's bad, fix it. “Nonononono, I’m just… this is new, sudden. I haven’t even had anything since you know… Kosaki… and that never went anywhere.” “So I’m your first?” I gulp “I… this is the closest I have been to a relationship…” “Do you want to? To do this again with me?” I can’t believe this is happening. I thought a week ago maybe the dust would settle and things would cool off. She would see what a loser I am and realize she was wrong about me. But she didn’t. The look she is giving is so intense, I can’t even lie to myself… she wants this. I want this. I nod. She smiles. She closes the distance between us, we are shoulder to shoulder and she has a conspiratorial look on her face. Her hand touches mine. “Is this okay? Her hand slips into mine and she weaves her fingers into mine. I am holding hands with Francois-san. I AM HOLDING HANDS WITH FRANCOIS-SAN. I make the mistake of meeting her eyes directly, she is still expecting an answer. My voice doesn’t really answer so I just nod again and I have to break eye contact. This hoodie was a mistake, I am cooking. Francois-san seems very content and enjoys the walk in silence as we make our way towards the park. I can’t even remember its name anymore. It had a lake right? Or something. I hope the zoo is good, is that too much of a cliche? It’s not an aquarium right, that would be way too much of a cliche but it’s not like she would even know about that right? Like that’s probably not a thing from where she is from. Is a zoo even going to be interesting to her, she said they had magic, did they also have magical creatures? Monsters? Is a zoo even going to hold her interest? How cool is a monkey going to be compared to a dragon? You don't even know if that’s the case, stop psyching- “Ohh!” I feel a tug on my hand and Francois-san is pulling me forward, “Oh this is so lovely!” It's the pond, though at first glance you can hardly see the water, it's so full of green leaves and dotted with pink flowers. Francois-san pulls us to the edge and looks out at the pond, there is such wonder and vigor to her as she takes it all in. God she is so beautiful- “What are these flowers called?” “Oh, these are lotuses, they grow on the water, I think there is supposed to be a pathway a bit to the south that we can walk through the pond on.” “That sounds lovely, these are really beautiful, we didn’t have these in Bauer. Do they hold a special meaning?” Yes? “I think so… I mean I know they are important for a bunch of religions but I was never really religious so I couldn’t really tell you about that. I think there is something about enlightenment? I think it's important in Buddhism?” “I see, what’s Buddhism?” “Oh, yah right. It's one of the religions around this part of the world, it's pretty old but like I said, I’m not really religious in the slightest so I’m not the best person to be asking about it. Did you have religions back there?” “Yes, just one though. And I don't…” She pauses for a moment, lost in thought, like she is trying to recall something, “Hmmm, I can’t say how much stock I would put into it now. The church did some good, but would also be a hindrance in other areas. You didn’t really put much faith into it there either. So there are multiple religions here? How does that work?” “Honestly not well, I’m sure you will get a better idea once we start getting into history stuff later when we aren’t worried about our classes. Right now they kinda coexist with each other but they don’t really… they don’t acknowledge each other if that makes sense? They each have their own version of stuff and often they really don’t line up with each other. It's been a source of conflict in the past.” There is a look of understanding as I say that, she grasps the idea of the conflict pretty quickly and I wonder how much she has had to see in her life. But I don't want her to dwell on that too much. “There is a zoo on the other side of the pond.” “A zoo?” She perks up quickly, the excitement is cute. “Yes, did you have those?” “Not in Bauer but I read that some wealthy cities in the Loro empire would build them… I never had a chance to visit one before.” She is getting quite giddy, she isn’t even trying to hide it in her voice and she squeezes my hand as she starts getting us to move forward again.”

25

I arrived a little early today. We wanted to get in some more studying, since today was going to be pretty busy, with Catherine's appointment, then clothes, and then the party. God it’s going to be a day. At least Claire is putting a lot of work into studying, and impressively she is catching up a lot. Sometimes I feel like I can just sit back and let her do- Knock-Knock. “That must be Lene.” Claire springs up from her work and goes to the door. As she opens it, there stands a woman, just a bit older than us I would guess. She is wearing a clean pressed suit, and has long brown hair that is pulled together in a tail and hanging off her shoulder to the front. She def has butler vibes. “Lene! You look wonderful, it’s so good to see you again.” Claire catches her completely off guard and pulls her into a hug.” “Mademoiselle Claire?” She recovers from her surprise, “Is everything all right?” “Quite, sorry, sorry. I’m just excited to start the day. Well we should be moving, Catherine, can you get ready?” There is a silence before she responds. “What?” She pulls herself up from the sofa. “What are you talking about? I am not going anywhere.” “Pardon moi, did you not inform Mademoiselle Catherine yet?” Lene-sama asks as Claire moves quickly over with a grin on her face to Catherine. “Of course you are coming, trust me. It’s a surprise.” “Claireeee…” She tries to glare at her, but Claire just beams. God her resistance is much better than mine. It does not hold out for long though. And she sighs. “Ughh, I hate surprises, what are you planning?” “I owe you, think of it as me treating you?” “I… don’t want to go shopping with you two.” “It’s not that, please just trust me?” “Ughhhh, fine. But I want to be able to say no.” “You have to at least listen to me if you disagree…” She tries to hold out again. She sighs instead, “Fine. Fine, let’s just get this over with. This better not be a social thing either, I am not going to whatever party you are going to later.” “That's much later Catherine, and this will not take that long. Just get comfortable and be ready to leave soon.” “Preferably not too long, we do have a schedule to maintain Mademoiselles.” Lene says from the door again. “Yah, Yah, Just give me a moment.” She shoos us out of the room, and soon it’s just me, Claire and Lene there in the hall. “So would you be the friend Mademoiselle Claire mentioned?” “Yes this is my w- my friend. Rei Oohashi. We share a class. She is wonderful.” She was going to say wife, wasn’t she? Oomph, Claire gives me a nudge, a bit forcefully. Kinky. “Oh… yah, pleased to meet you Lene-sama.” I give a little bow. “Merci, it is a pleasure to meet you as well Mademoiselle Oohashi. So Mademoiselle Claire, our appointment for Mademoiselle Catherine should not take long, and then we can visit your usual venues for clothes. If anything else is required please just let me know.” She gives a formal bow. “Thank you Lene.” It doesn’t take that much longer for Catherine to come out, she has put on a better shirt, and is leaning on her cane. Lene offers to help her down but she just waves her off and we make for the exit. And… I don’t know, I am not really surprised but I wasn’t expecting a limo to be waiting for us. I… Right, Claire is rich. Catherine’s kinda made vague mentions of it but yah… Woah. Claire looks at the limo, we have seen cars on the street but I think this is the closest she has been to one so far. She tilts her head, and whispers to me, “Why is it shaped so differently than other cars?” “Is everything alright Mademoiselles?” “Oh of course Lene.” Claire insists. Lene-sama opens the door for us and beckons us in. It's… really roomy in her, and Claire moves in carefully after Catherine, offering her a hand. The two of them sit opposite of me, and Lene closes the door. “So it’s like a carriage without a horse then? It uses an ‘engine’, correct?” “Yes, and umm, this is a different type of car, it’s called a Limousine. It's typically a symbol of wealth.” “Yah, this is just our usual ride. Don't worry, Lene is a good driver.” “Oh, well yes.” Claire is a bit awestruck taking in the I interior. “Seat belt.” Catherine mentions. “Hrmm?” “This.” Catherine leans over and pulls the belt over Claire, “This is in case of accident, keeps you secure, these move way faster than a horse.” “Right.” It looks like Claire is just trying to take in everything she can, eyes glancing all over. Lene-sama’s voice comes in over an intercom, “If you are ready Mademoiselles, I will take us to your first destination.” Catherine hits a button, then over intercom I guess, “Yes, we are ready, thanks Lene.”

1

“Mother Claire, you should take it easy.” “I’m fine, Aleah.” I am, I’m just a little tired. Aleah has been fretting too much since the girls came for a visit. I am happy they made it, though. Aleah has just helped me into a seat. She made sure it’s as comfy as possible. She really needn’t worry so much, though. “Mama Claire will be fine Aleah, just let her relax.” May comes over and puts a hand on her sister’s shoulder. She tries to put on a smile to ease her sister, but even I can see she is anxious. “I’m glad you two made it. It’s made your Mother Rae very happy.” I lean back into my chair. Maybe I am a bit tired. “Of course, Mother…” Aleah rises, after she has finished setting the blanket around me. “Yeah, we hope it was a good day for you, Mama Claire.” May’s smile looked strained. I wish they wouldn't look so sad. It’s okay. “It was.” I close my eyes for a moment. It was such a lovely dinner. I just wish I had more of an appetite. The girls put so much work into it. “You know we love you, right? We are very proud of you two.” They look so beautiful. We have been so blessed. They have grown up into fine, capable women. Aleah looks over at May with concern. Despite trying to put on a brave face, May is starting to get misty eyed. Girls, it's fine. “I think your Mama needs a bit of quiet, girls.” Rae enters the room, carrying a tray with tea. I can tell from the aroma that it’s perfectly brewed as usual. “Mother, you should have let us make the tea!” Aleah rushes over and helps Rae keep the tray stable. The two of them keep fretting over the both of us. Rae clicks her tongue, “Please Aleah, I’m still capable. Besides, we both know she likes the way I make it better.” Rae doesn’t fight her off, though, and they bring the tray over to me and sit next to my seat. Rae pulls her own chair closer to mine and settles in. “You two should go clean up, it’s okay.” Aleah sighs and pulls May towards the kitchen. “Come on, May, let’s give them some privacy." May looks like she wants to argue, but Aleah meets her eyes and she relents. “We love you, Mother.” Aleah’s voice is soft, and it looks like May might choke if she tries to say something, so she just nods her head. “Thank you girls. It will be fine.” I’m just tired. “Claire?” Rae's voice catches my attention. I must have nodded off. It’s just the two of us now, and she pours us two cups of tea. It smells just right. “Thank you, Rae.” She puts the cup into my hand and helps guide my hand to take a sip. It’s perfect. She smiles once we put the cup back down. She is still beautiful after all these years. The wrinkles and grayed hair are a mark of a life well lived. One I am so proud to have shared with her. “Claire?” She asks again. “Yes, Rae?” “I love you.” I smile and she twines her hand in mine. “Ooh? Well, I suppose I might love you too.” Her wrinkle crease as she smiles at our silliness. I lean back into my seat and let out a contented sigh. Rae’s hand squeezes mine and I do my best to squeeze back. I feel very tired. “Rae?” “Yes?” The way I must have asked it has caused her concern. “I love you.” She nods and waits for me to continue. “It was a beautiful life.” Rae’s face scrunches at that. Please, my love, it’s okay. “Please, Rae, don’t lose hope. There is always next time.” She squeezes my hand and nods. I can see tears twinkling in her eyes. “I’ll find you again.” Her voice wavers. “No…” “No?” Her voice cracks. “I’ll find you this time.” I give her hand a squeeze. “It’s only fair.” Her face settles, still solemn, but the worry is pushed aside for now. “Is that a promise?” I want to. I want us to find each other over and over again. I want us to be there for each other every time. “It is. I love you, Rae.” So much. “And I love you, Claire. Always .” I worry she might break, but she just smiles as her gaze locks with mine. Rae draws her face to mine and we share a kiss. Her lips melt into mine perfectly. I don’t have the energy for much but I put all I can into one last kiss. Rae slides back into her chair and hums. She runs her fingers over my knuckles and I feel myself relaxing. I am very tired. Perhaps I just need a quick rest for my eyes.

18_1

I missed this. Rae’s breath is heavy as I draw back, I need air. Her lips are swollen from our connection, her eyes are dilated, she is in a daze. The bruise on her neck bright. Oh how I missed this. I place my finger under the tip of her chin, raise it ever so slightly and our eyes connect. She whimpers with need, and I am generous. I lift her chin and bring her face to mine. Her lips to mine once again. I savor the taste, her taste, and our lips move in tandem with each other. In a dance we have played many times, and will play many more. But I long for more. My other hand creeps as if it has an agenda of its own. I feel it trace against her stomach, running gently over the surface, but that is not enough. Fabric bars me from the skin and so the hand winds its way beneath the sweater and makes contact with the skin below. She gasps as my fingers trace over the familiar territory and I use the moment to deepen the kiss. She is very inexperienced, but oh so willing. I run my tongue over the lips seeking entry and she acquiesces. Slipping in, my tongue runs over hers. I can feel her pulse quicken and she moans as our tongues twine. Knock Knock. It comes from the door, and I pull away. That causes Rae to whimper again at the loss of contact, but she seems to have barely noticed the knock has even happened. She is extremely disheveled, her hair is a mess, her sweater has been pushed up high and left arm has nearly escaped from the sleeve. And best of all… she is smeared in my lipstick. Mine . “Rae, that’s probably Misha.” She whimpers again, “Buuut we just….” Oh god she is adorable, I give her a quick peck on the cheek and then rise from the bed. I quickly pat myself down, I am far more composed than my partner and I turn to get the door. I was correct, it is Misha, and she is very surprised to see me. She does a double take at first and then notices Rae still on her bed in a stupor. “Well Fuck.”She mutters, does everyone swear here? “Guess she wasn’t exaggerating… didn’t think you would be the one to answer the door Francois-san.” “It’s good to see you M- Jur-chan, Rae-chan said she told you about… well me .” “Hmmhmm, yah I guess… seeing is believing….” She eyes me cautiously. “You know what, let’s have a talk while Rae… recovers from whatever you just did to her.” I don’t particularly enjoy her tone or implication, Rae was very willing to accept everything I just did to her. Right? I hazard one last glance at her, she certainly is in a stupor. Calm down, right, right. I may have gone slightly overboard. Rae doesn’t even seem to realize I am talking to Misha. But she did enjoy it. “All right.” We leave the dorm room and she closes the door. “So what’s your game?” She is trying to keep her tone even, but I can hear the slightest of edges still. “Rae told you, didn't she?” “And now I’m asking you.” This is fair I suppose, she should be skeptical. Fine, “Yes, I woke up a week ago with not memories of this life, but a previous life. One where Rae and I were married. In a very different world” “Francois-san, that sounds like a load of shit even if I wanted to believe you, prove it.” Hrmmm, “How would you suggest I prove it? I knew you in our past lives too but I am unsure how much of that life is the same as the one. Would you just think I was making it up if I describe elements from then? Your family was part of the nobility, you had close ties with the royalty and grew up with prince.. Yu, but when you were still young your family was disgraced and lost their status as nobility. You were still close with Yu afterwards…” How much do I say? She looks completely neutral. I’m not making any progress. “What if I say something I shouldn’t.” “I’ll be the judge of that.” “Fine, you and Yu became partners, romantically.” Nothing. I knew that wouldn’t get her to take me seriously, I suppose I will have to drop something more dramatic. “Once things settled down the two of you became Nuns.” Her eyes narrow, the first break in her mask. “What did you say?” “I only said what happened in my previous life Misha, I don’t know what that means for this one.” “You certainly are sounding like you are implying something there Francois-san.” Her ice is finally heating up. “You wanted me to convince you, I don’t… know what is the same here but please believe me, I will be on your side whatever the case will be. Am I wrong? You know Yu here, sh- they, ughh, you knew then too!” She finally looks unfooted, “Francois-san if you say anything about this to anyone-” “Misha I know! God damn it I’m not an idiot! Yu is my friend as well! I helped Rae commit treason to keep her safe!” “Jesus Christ!” What? “Was… Yu… You know what trans is? Are you saying that Yu was trans?” She sighs. “Yes, it was complicated, curse her mother for it, but yes. But she got to be herself, she got to be happy. She… got to live.” Misha looks uncharacteristically rattled now, “God, you need to stop for a second. Look He… Yu… God damn it, look I don’t know for sure, I don’t even know if Yu knows.” Magic doesn’t exist here, was Yu born… “But you had a feeling?” “It doesn’t matter what I feel, Francois-san.” “Of course it does, Yu trusts you, I don't think there is anyone who knew her-them as well as you did. They need your help.” “Stop, I…. fuck I need to think.” I just nod and Misha paces for a minute. “You can’t say anything… to anyone. Not Rae, Not Yu.” “And definitely not her mother.” That catches her off guard, “His, and your right, his mother would lose her shit, christ. Fuuuck, this is getting too real.” She covers her face and throws her head back, a slow groan escaping in the process. “So Yu is…?.” She snaps back to me. “I don’t know Francois-san and don’t you dare go poking around into it. Please.” She gnaws at her lip. “Should I tell you more about… the last time?” She groans… “I don’t know, I don’t think so. I’m not supposed to know.” “But you had a feeling.” She groans again, “There was… look it was just a feeling but it’s not up to me to figure that out for him… them.” “I know, I just want you to know I will be there for both of you, you both deserve to be happy and I want to help if I can. But that will always be on your terms.” She’s really looking at me now, really trying to figure me out, “I… you're like a completely different person.” “I suppose, I never met the old me.” What would that be like? “This is honestly the first real conversation we had, but Yu and I kept an eye on you, since you were kinda trying to get in Thane-san pants.” “Misha!” ughh, “God I can’t even imagine that anymore, please never mention that again. It’s been a long time since I felt anything remotely like that for Thane-san.” “Yah well I guess your work on Rae speaks for itself doesn’t it. Jeez, Rae? Like she is my friend but really ?” “Yes. Do you really want me to say what I find so enticing about her?” I will. “I suppose not.” “I do care for her, deeply. I’m not lying when I said we were wives, she is the love of my life, in every sense. I… may have lost a small amount of control before you arrived.” “Pfft!, Small? Well I don’t think she is going to complain anytime soon, but don’t rush her too much either. Pretty sure you were her first kiss.” Oh Ohhhh That’s a delightful idea, isn’t it . “Really?” “Don’t you sound pleased, and yes. Middle school… wasn’t great for her and it took her a lot of work before she was comfortable to come out to me. I don’t think anyone else here knows. So don't hurt her, okay?” Hrmm, she always glossed over this part of her life before, which considering Rae, does make sense. She said it was fine, but I suppose it must have only felt fine after enough time. I can’t help but feel angry at Kosaki again, but that’s hardly what Rae wanted. “I understand, I just want what’s best for her.” “And that would be sucking out her tonsils?” I do not need her sass. “I don’t need to hear this from you, I'll have you know, You and Yu were incorrigible once you got together.” “Okay I don’t need to hear that, and we aren’t… look… I don’t need to explain anything but we aren’t together right now.” She sounds tired. “Ohh, I’m sorry did-

18_2

” Dear gods I am always putting my foot in my mouth. “Please stop, we… nothing happened between us, I don’t know what’s going on between us right now. It’s complicated and you just made it ten times more complicated.“ “Apologies, you're right. I will mind my own affairs, Misha.” I offer her a short bow. “Don't do that please.” She sighs and pinches her nose. “Have you had dinner yet?” “No?” “I wanted to treat Rae, I can treat you as well?” She mulls it over, “Fine, if you're paying. I was going to see if Rae wanted to get something to eat anyways. Let's go get your toy.” Misha opens the door, and Rae is still sitting on her bed, her sweater is still incredibly askew and she is very lost in her head. I did go overboard, didn't I? “Hey loser! Let's get food.” She smirks as Rae snaps out the stupor. “Misha? Misha! Shit!” She tries to right her sweater but just ends up tumbling in place and falling out of her bed, god she is cute. “God you're such a fucking cliche, you should wipe your face of and clean up a bit.” Rae finally rights herself and pouts at Misha, “Why do I gotta wipe my face off, I don’t have anything on it?” “Well you do now.” “Huh?” She still doesn’t follow. She spots me to the side, her brow is furrowed. I point to my lips, “Oops” She tests her face with her fingers and feels the tact, she gives it a rub and red lipstick sticks to her finger, a quick inspection causes her to turn bright red. “I’llberightback!” She quickly hops up and makes for what I assume is a washroom. “How did you manage to make so much a fucking mess out of her, and not yourself?” “Years of practice.” I can't even fight my prideful smirk.

21

“You seem pleased”, Catherine comments almost immediately as I enter our dorm. I do definitely feel like I am glowing. “I had a wonderful date.” I can see she is in her usual spot, lounging on the sofa, “Wasn’t it not…?” she inquires. “Yes.” “And it was…?” “Yes.” “Huh, well grats I guess. So what happened?” She sits up and aligns herself better for a conversation. I still feel giddy, I quickly jump into the adjacent sofa, “She took me to the park nearby, we first went to Shinobazu Pond and it’s so pretty, the flowers were all in bloom, I think it was her first time being there too, and then there was zoo Catherine, with animals of all sorts, I saw a panda bear! It was so adorable I never knew a bear could look like that. There were monkeys, an elephant, they had otters, Catherine, Otters!” Oh god they were so cute and they were so close to us. Catherine blinks, how is she not impressed? “Cool?” “They had Otters.” “Umm, right that’s cool sorry I wasn’t prepared for you, Claire, an adult to lose her shit over going to a zoo.” Why I never… “Of course I would love to go see a zoo, who wouldn't? The animals were cute, or majestic. They had a tiger, it was so big…” Catherine laughs, “That’s great really, sorry you're right. I think. It’s just easy to get jaded over the simple things.” “There is nothing simple about a zoo, Catherine.” She just chuckles, “It’s relative, don’t worry about it, how was the rest of the day?” “We got lunch there and then we went back to her room, she finally showed me a video game for the first time.” Catherine’s face scrunches, clearly unimpressed with that prospect, “Really?” “It was lovely Catherine!” “Okay, okay, what game did she show you?” “Persona 5.” Catherine snorts, “What a nerd.” “Catherine!” “Sorry, she is, it’s just funny.” “I wanted to see it for so long now, she has been telling me about them our entire life and I finally got to see what she was talking about. It's ridiculous how much I couldn’t even picture what it was like. She even let me play it myself!” Catherine nods, not laughing anymore but she still has a silly smirk on her face, “So you had fun?” “Yes.” “Good, wow,” she says quietly to herself, “Anything else happened?” Yes “I don’t know if I should say…” “Oh come on Claire, you have to say now, what did you do?” She is curious now. “Hmm, what makes you think I did something?” “Really?” She raised her brow, “You act like I haven’t had to listen to you two for the last week, girl you are thirsty.” Excuse me? “Thirsty?” “Like Rae is a tall drink of water and you are dying in a desert.” “Oh…” “Am I wrong?” She isn't. If I could drink deep of Rae— CLAIRE! Not now! “Fine yes… I kissed her… a lot.” I know I have the silliest smile on my face right now but I can’t help it. I kissed Rae. I kissed my wife. I kissed my newly anointed girlfriend. “Damn you had a mission girl.” I can’t help but giggle. “Soooo what? You two are dating now? Again?” “Yes, she walked me home and we talked about it, she wants this too, she just doesn’t want to be public about it.” “Makes sense. I’m happy for you.” Catherine looks happy for me, proud of me. “Thanks Catherine.” This is perfect, Everything is going right. We are together again, I can make her happy, I can make sure this life is a good one. Like our last one. I don’t know how that future will play out yet, I still have so much to understand about how this world works but I can do this. I can make sure our life is perfect.

12_1

I am looking through my closet—there are so many choices for clothes. I guess it's the fashion here but I wasn’t expecting to have so many pants. Hrmmm… These pants do seem like they would look good on me, and they might be better than a skirt or dress if we go for a walk. Hrmm, these white slacks look good, and it would get less in the way if— “Hey.” I pull away from the closet, and turn towards the voice coming from the sofa. A head peeks up over the side. “Yes?” “I…are you planning an outfit?” She definitely just second guessed herself and diverted into a different question, but I have no idea what it could have been. “Yes, I am spending the day with Rae tomorrow, though officially it’s not a Date . We will be heading out on the town and taking a break from all of the studying. You don’t have to worry about me tomorrow—I’ll be out of your hair.” Catherine perks up, unsurprisingly. “I would appreciate that. You've been doing pretty well with picking out your outfits, by the way. I suppose it wouldn’t be that hard with how much work the previous you put into your wardrobe, but still, you’re doing a good job. And the choices you’re making now feel different, too.” “Good different?” “I guess? It’s more of a vibe than something I can point to specifically. You were always more fashion aware than me, but now it feels…I don’t know. More authentic? Less showy?” Catherine pulls herself up and lets her arms hang over the side of the couch. She shrugs. “I have a question.” “Shoot.” “I noticed in my portraits—” “Photos,” Catherine corrects. Right, photos. “...photos, that I never curled my hair.” “Errr, well, yeah? Did you do that before?” “I did, like how Mother would do her hair.” It does make sense that this Claire never picked up the habit. I’m not even sure my relationship with my mother is on good terms, judging from the photo of us I saw earlier. “Oh…” Catherine slumps a bit on the couch. She looks downcast. “Why haven't you asked about it?” She finally says after a long pause. The question feels like it is lined with lead. Is that what she wanted to bring up earlier? “About which, Mother? Father? ...You?” The accident . Catherine looks miserable and she tries to merge with the sofa. “So you know about that.” “It wasn’t your fault. At least, it wasn’t your fault back in the world that I remember and I feel certain that wasn’t your fault here either.” I can tell she needs to hear this, like she needed to hear it back then. “You don’t know that, you weren’t there. You”— “You were six years old, Catherine! How could any of that have been your fault? You aren’t responsible for what happened!” The fierceness of my voice takes her by surprise and I hold her gaze, not letting her look away. I can see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “But if your mom hadn’t tried to save me…your dad might…” I close the distance between us and kneel beside the sofa next to Catherine. She curls into a ball at the back of the sofa but I gently take her hand. “Catherine, I don’t blame you for what happened. Can I tell you what it was like before, where I came from?” She doesn't say anything but I can see a slight nod of her head. “In the kingdom of Bauer, your father was a high-ranking noble and was at odds with my parents. I mentioned before that my parents had wanted social reform, and well, your father was adamantly opposed to their goals. He arranged for the accident to happen. As you told me back then, you were made an unwitting pawn in their plan; you were gifted with a unique magic that could erase memories and he meant for you to use it to get rid of any evidence.” I take a deep breath and continue. “The first attack failed to kill them, though, and my mother was able to save you before a second group of attackers came and killed her. You escaped and your father planned to use you again—he assigned you to follow me as we grew up so he could eventually use both of us as part of some future ploy. As we grew closer, though, you saw his horrible plans for what they were and refused to play along with them. In the end you turned on him completely and helped me catch and arrest him. You even used your magic on him.” I try to meet her gaze again as she averts her eyes. “None of that was your fault. You were being used. And once you were old enough to realize it, you refused to cooperate. You were always my friend and I consider you like a sister to me, Catherine.” Catherine needs a moment, and tries to level out her breathing. Eventually she lets out a long breath and runs a hand through her hair. “I hate how much your version sounds almost exactly like what happened here.” Her voice is very shaky. I gently rub her hand, a careful nudge to encourage her to continue. “Okay, yeah, my dad has had it out for yours for a long time. I’m sure you’ve figured this part out already, but you come from money, like a lot of money. The Francois name is a well-known worldwide brand, a high end, very classy brand. It’s on all sorts of luxury goods, such as clothes, accessories, even custom cars. Your mom wanted to do some good with all of that money and fame when she married your father, at least that's what she told me. Umm…she—they—were trying to reform a lot of the standards in the EU to combat malicious corporate malfeasance. Without getting into too many of the details, my dad didn’t like that. It cut into too many of his profits. He didn’t like me either, or my mom—we were a mistake he wanted to get rid of. I overheard him arranging the ‘accident.’ He was going to kill us all. Our car was supposed to run yours off the side of the road into the river and....” She takes another breath to compose herself.The memory still causes her to tremble. “He caught me eavesdropping and told me the best thing I could do was to make sure we all died cleanly. I should have said something, anything, but I was so terrified…and then it all happened so fast—our car rolled into your family’s car and we both went over the side. I thought I was going to die when we hit the water. I should have just died from the impact but I didn’t and I remember seeing your mother…she was trying to pull your father out of the car but he wasn’t moving and then she somehow saw me. She pulled me out instead when she should have saved him. It should have been— “No.” “But—” “No, Catherine, it’s not your fault and you can’t tell me my life would be better if you weren't here.” She takes a very shaky breath, tears welling up in her eyes, “C-Claire…you weren't…you don’t know what you were like—” “Catherine, our parents made that choice, not you. I’m not going to lie, losing my mother in my old life hurt…and I…I’m so scared to see her again. Knowing she’s here but not Father, I don’t know how to put it into words. He lived a full life in the world I remember. He was there for me, and for Rae and our g-girls. Knowing he won’t get to see me grow up and find h-happiness hurts, but now I have M-mother again instead and I don’t know what to make of it. I…it feels wrong to be h-happy about it but—” “C-claire if you cry, I’m—” That breaks any semblance of control I have, and a loud sob escapes from me as I throw my arms around her. It catches her by surprise but she takes a shaky breath and embraces me back, tears streaming down her face as well. “Don’t leave again!” I cry out. “What?” “Don’t you dare think about leaving me again!” I repeat. Catherine stops crying, a look of confusion on her face. “I…okay.” I’m still crying, but I’m also laughing too. Goodness, I feel like a mess. My energy is all over the place and Catherine is no better. “Good.” My face must be a mess from all of the crying. I haven't cried like that in a while. Feeling a bit calmer after letting all of that out, I rise from where I was kneeling next to the sofa and take a seat next to Catherine. I haven’t a clue what to say right now. The silence is broken by occasional sniffles. Catherine is the first to speak, after taking a deep breath and exhaling. “I know that rationally I’m not accountable for what happened. I know that. But I feel accountable. I feel like I was the reason you were miserable growing up. If I had died, if I had drowned in the river because your mother pulled your father out instead of me, you wouldn’t have lost anything.” The expression on her face is pained. I take a breath, wanting to tell her how wrong she is. She holds up a hand. “Let me finish. My dad basically disavowed me after that. After all, I was a bastard child and that made me poor stock or whatever. I went to your mother, Melia, and I told her everything. I think she believed me, but there wasn

12_2

’t any real proof. Your mother took care of me after that and you and I grew up together but you—well the old you—you didn’t hate me, exactly, but…it always felt like you were tolerating me, just barely. Sometimes you would get mad about things, but mostly you were just despondent. Your mother tried putting us both through therapy, and it helped me, it really did. I know I was a mess over what happened and…” I put my hand over Catherine’s and give it a gentle squeeze. “I never thought we would be able to have an honest conversation about this, after all this time. Jeez. You never really bounced back from what happened. It just felt like a slow decline. I guess I never knew you very well before but…Claire, it’s always been hard being around you. We were supposed to stick together, but I felt like I was the reason you were so unhappy. I wanted to be there for you but when we started uni it felt like it just got worse and then that night you came back and said all that stuff and you were suddenly so different from before and I just snapped. I’m sorry.” I pull her into a hug. Everything I could say to reassure her feels like an empty platitude, so I just hope the hug lets her know instead. “Thank you for this. For being honest and telling me everything. I know all of this has been a lot, and now that I am a different person with different memories we are both having to relive it all over again. It's surreal how much this life is like an echo of my old one. I am truly sorry for how the other me treated you.“ “You're different but you don’t feel different , if you know what I mean. It’s weird, like I see how you are now and I recognize a lot of things. Things that were there before but buried underneath all of the pain and loneliness you were dealing with. You used to bring me candy as a kid, licorice. I don’t remember when it stopped but you brought it again for me recently, the day you…changed. You might even be going a bit overboard with how much you have gotten me since then.” “You say that, but it keeps disappearing.” I’m sure my gentle joke doesn’t quite land how I intend it to with all of the tears in my eyes. “It’s been a week , okay? Your wife has been around a lot, and sure, she’s polite, but…” She sounds tired, but she also sounds calmer than she has in a while. “I know, don't worry, tomorrow you will have a break. And I will work on figuring out a better schedule with Rae to give you more time alone.” “Thanks.” I squeeze her hand, happy that she's still here. “So—what is my mother like now?” I ask the question I’ve been dying to ask since I first learned she was alive. “Oh…she’s nice. Very kind and caring. She took care of me after the accident, and the two of us basically lived as sisters—” “We are sisters.” “Okay, cool it with the sappiness. I’ve done enough crying tonight.” She rubs her eyes. “I lived with the two of you after the accident. We moved around quite a bit. At first we stayed with your cousin, Manaria Sousse. After that we bounced around a lot, mostly living different places in Europe but eventually we ended up here in Japan after middle school. I’m not sure why it worked out that way but it was related to your mother’s business interests, I think.” “Is she here, too?” “Sometimes, but business often takes her out of the country. If we need something from home we can ask Lene.” “Lene?” Lene? “Ummm yes, do you know—” “Yes, oh sorry, yes. She was my personal maid in my previous life. We grew up together .” “Oh, I see.” “Umm, so what is she like here?” “Well, she didn’t grow up with us, if that’s what you’re asking. I wouldn’t describe her as a maid, more like a personal assistant. She maintains the house and assists you and Melia with your daily needs. She even acts as a driver when necessary. She’s been with us for…I want to say six years? She’s also from France.” France is a country here, right? The similarity with my name is odd. “That’s in Europe?” “Yes, that's where we were born.” “Okay. So did we…I don’t know, was Lene involved in our lives very much?” “Yeah, sort of. Like I said, her role is to help with day-to-day life stuff. Melia has always been really busy with the business and she wanted someone to help when we moved to Japan so Lene came with us. Sometimes she cooks, sometimes she cleans, sometimes she books appointments and drives us around, whatever is needed. She found this dorm and helped us move in here, too.” “So I can ask her for help, if we need something?” “Yes, that’s pretty much why she’s here…why, what are you thinking of?” Lene might know more about getting Catherine’s prosthetic fixed, right? Not that I can tell Catherine about that yet. “I’m thinking of quite a few things. If something goes wrong, we can contact her, right? Like if something breaks here in our dorm?” “Sure, if your laptop putzs out or something, I guess. You also used to have her drive you out for shopping trips.” Catherine shrugs. She must be in my phone then, right? I haven’t seen her name pop up in my contacts… I pull out my phone to look again. Goodness there are so many names here…. “Are you trying to find her in your phone?” “Yes! Why isn’t she here?” I am making my second run through this list now! “Let me check,” she says, reaching for the phone. I pass it to her and she flips through it several times. “Ahhhhh, I found her…you had her listed as Driver.” Catherine does not look impressed. “ Driver ?” Really, Claire? Lene deserves so much better than that. “Old Claire could suck sometimes, huh…” I put my head in my hands and groan. Driver ? “I need to apologize to her. That’s so demeaning!” “I doubt she even knows, to be honest. Old you was very possessive about your phone; you never really let people touch it, let alone use it. Here.” She hands it back to me, and I update Lene's contact to her proper name. “Sorry, we got distracted with Lene didn’t we. Did you still want to talk about your mom?” “Yes, I… in my previous life she passed away when I was just turning six. She and my father had to attend to important business so they missed my birthday. I had gotten so upset with Mother about it that I told her…I hated her. That was the last time I saw her. It was so long ago for me…” “Your mother is…well, she’s more caring than she has any right to be. She didn’t have to take me in after everything that happened. Sometimes she has high expectations. Sometimes it’s a little hard, and you two have def clashed a bit over that, but she does care.” “That photo you asked me to look at…what were we doing?” “That was before classes started here. She wanted to do one last trip with us before things got too busy with school and her business. We went back to France together for a week. I don’t think you particularly cared for it. That photo you took was because your mom insisted. You weren’t thrilled to take it but you eventually agreed, , and I guess you never actually deleted. It was hard to know what you were thinking back then.” It’s easy enough to bring the photo up again on my phone. There are others of my Mother there too, but I keep coming back to this one. I don’t like how unenthused I look next to her, especially with the smile she has on her face. “Do you want to see her?” “Yes?” “Yes?” I drop the phone in my lap and fall back against the sofa cushions. “It’s terrifying, if I’m honest. I want to apologize for what I said to her here, but I don’t even know what I am apologizing for .. I don’t know what it was like between us here, after everything that happened. I only knew her as a child in my old life. And she…she will definitely notice something has changed about me when we talk…” “Well, I don’t think you have to worry about seeing her soon if you’re not ready. I’m pretty sure she’s away on a business trip right now. You have some time before you have to see her and I think she was also trying to give you some space.” I nod. “Thanks, Catherine. I really do appreciate you being here.” “This is nice,” she says in reply, and I think she actually might mean it. It really is nice. “Sooooo I had magic that could erase memories?” “Yeah, you would use it to make yourself invisible to people when you didn’t want them to see you.” Catherine groans. “Damn, not going to lie, I’m really jealous of magic me.”

44_1

The first lull didn’t happen until two hours in… How are there still so many people? It has all felt like one giant blur. “You okay Claire?” Rae asks and she finishes putting some money away from the last customer. “Yes… just goodness, I really should have slept more last night.” “Okay, hey do you want me to go find some food? I think the panels started opening up so more people are going to be there.” “Panels?” “Umm, it’s like a presentation? Not that formal or anything. More like maybe they have a guest and they answer questions from the audience. Or they just talk.” “Oh yah, they got a bunch of VOs for this one, did you hear they got both Loid and Yor’s VOs? That’s going to be packed. ” Shiko chimes in, that bit of news causes Rae to perk up. “Oh wow really? Man if I wasn't so busy with school I might have made this one. That’s cool. But yah, panels could be like whatever, maybe a mangaka is there. Maybe they are showing off a new series, whatever gets people in the door I guess. There is probably a cosplay contest happening somewhere too.” Shiko nods. Rae then fidgets, I can see that she's trying to figure out how to excuse herself. “Umm, well anyways… I’m going to… go. You know, get some food. And stuff... Cya in a bit.” And there my awkward dolt slips out around the table to disappear down into the aisles of tables. I don’t have much time to think before a new customer shows up. Shiko ends up helping them too, but after we finalize their purchase it looks like we have a moment of breathing room. She shifts her chair closer to mine, and gives me a cheeky grin. “Sooo… how’d Rae score you. She’s not exactly smooth.” “Oh I disagree, she can be very smooth when she isn’t trying too hard. But she’s adorable either way.” “Yah, well you be nice to her, Kay?” The mirth drops from her voice. “Of course! Are you suggesting that I wouldn't?” “Cool, look you seem nice so far Francois-san, but like, I'm just looking out for my friend. She’s had it rough before.” “Oh, do you mean about your… well the awkward love square as she called it.” Shiko snorts, “That’s what she’s calling it? I suppose. Yah.” She leans back in her chair, letting it balance on its back legs. She seems to be rolling a thought in her head. “We made up… eventually. And thankful while we still could… but it was really bad for her for a while. She pretty much missed a month of school.” What ? “I didn’t… she never mentioned that .” “Of course she didn’t.” Shiko sighs, it's not judgemental. She just understands her. Of course she never told those bits. I sigh too, “It’s not surprising, she used to be so bad at being honest about her own pain.” I wish she had told me more. I knew she always made light of that moment, even from the first time she mentioned it… Even an idiot could see she wasn’t fine, and that was after years for her before. Now… “Used to? Last I checked she’s still doing it.” “I… yes, I just meant… I’m trying to help her in that way. She’s bad and telling me no, and I sometimes… I know she’s worried about being out as a lesbian.” “Yah… fucking Misaki… I can’t believe he did that to her. But fuck, we were all pretty stupid kids still.” She lets her chair fall back forward, and leans herself on her knees. “The whole school knew after that. And Rae pretty much lived in her room for that month. Even when she came back… she was struggling. Honestly it wasn’t till we graduated and went to a new highschool that things got better for her. Middle school was ruthless after Misaki outed her, they never let her forgot. At least she got to go back in the closet in a new highschool, and that helped. New friends also helped. Misha was, is a good friend, and she was always cool with us.” “Did you not also get… bullied?” “Me?... Sure I guess a bit? I don’t know… it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t a big deal for me. Like I didn’t care and she did? She was just figuring that out about herself, and then it blew up in her face. It’s good that she’s with you, I just don’t want it to go bad. I don’t want it to turn out that you are just messing around with her, she’s just your phase, and you’ll move on.” “Move on?” The edge in my voice catches her off guard and she turns to face me, “I’m. Not. Moving. On. She’s my everything, I couldn’t leave her if I tried. I will always be there for her!” Shiko is momentarily stunned. “Uhhh… okay… wow, you're really serious?” “Did I sound like I’m joking?” Calm down Claire. Shiko is just looking out for Rae. “No… sorry, that just really caught me off. You know what, I think I do like you. What do you like about her.” And with that Shiko’s grinning again and she leans back. “Oh goodness, do you want the shortened version? Well, superficially, she is very handsome, the way she fills out a suit and is completely oblivious to it, divine… She’s so cute and suave at the same time, it’s absolutely ridiculous. She’s so passionate about her hobbies, and so clever. I could just listen to her talk about anything honestly. She really tries hard at everything she puts her mind to. And it’s ridiculous how modest she is about herself now, she used to be confident and now she seems so unsure about so much, but she is still good at it. She should see how talented she is. And she is so devoted, goodness, the way she looks at me has never changed. I have no doubt in my mind that she loves me too when we look into each other's eyes. She’s amazing and she makes me feel amazing.” Shiko blinks slowly, “uhh… used to be confident?” Shite Divert, “You also liked Rae…?” That causes her to blush a little and her to pause. Perfect. “You still do?” She groans, “Look I know I have no chance with her, but yeah… she’s cute, I think I’ll always feel it a bit. She’s always going to be my friend though.” “So that’s it…?” It’s hard to not think of every other woman; or the occasional man , who also seemed intent on chasing Rae in our past life. Even when I firmly established she was mine . Shiko shrugs, “She’s not into me, not as anything more than a friend. I tried, a few times even. The first was probably a bad time… for many reasons.” She grimaces at herself. “But like, it’s not going to happen. And now that she's with you, that was never going to happen with me. Trust me. As long as you too are good, I’m happy with how things are.” “Are you?” I can’t help but ask, I remember how long Rae was an idiot . Shiko gives a light chuckle, “You’re good Claire-san. Don’t worry about me, seriously. I moved on, I just find her attractive still despite my better judgment..” I let myself chuckle, “We can be doomed to fall for quite questionable characters, no?” That gets Shiko to chuckle. “I do love her, immensely.” Shiko nods and hums in agreement, “Yah, it’s easy to see. Like you two seem to be moving fast, but like honestly, I don’t doubt you. And she’s bad at it saying it, but I’m pretty sure she is really into you too. You make her act weird. Weirder . And like by lesbian standards? I’m sure I know some who would have already moved together by now, Ha.” Oh it was blisteringly slow in our previous life, I had to wait nearly a year for her to kiss me after she basically proposed to me. “Thank you for being there for her, when she needed it. I wish I could have been there for her too.” Shiko looks a little shy after, and tries to wave it off. “It is what it is. Did you know she writes fan fiction?” Now Shiko’s diverting, she’s trying to grin through her embarrassment. “Yes, and she wont share it with me. It’s absolutely ridiculous.” It’s obscene . “Ooooh?” Shiko's grin turns genuine and her glasses catch an angle of light. “I could share her tumblr and fanfic accounts.” “Wait, really? I always wanted to read her writing.” Shiko chuckles, “Yah why not. If that doesn’t scare you off, nothing will.” “Oh don’t worry, that won’t. Ahh, how does this work? You said a tumblr ?” “Uh yah, a social media site, I’ll text you the links, let's share numbers, kay?” She fishes her phone out and holds it up to accept my number. I have to double check my number on my own phone, at least she doesn’t think it too odd that I do. “Awesome, I’ve always wanted to embarrass her when she finally did hook up with some

44_2

one.” “Oh don’t tease her too hard, that’s my privilege .” We share grins. Oh this is delightful conspiratorial. “Oh don’t worry, that’s going to be real easy when you read her fic. It’s so unhinged, I love it.” “I…’ve had a notion.” “Really?” “Yes. We’ve talked a bit about it but she usually shies away from really getting into it.” Now. “But she’s not exactly the book of secrets she thinks she is, especially now. Wait, this is based off another work is it not? Would… should I read that first? Rae said her copies are with her parents, otherwise she would have lent those.” “Oh, you haven’t read Pray Love? You might get away with not… have you read any fan fiction before?” “No.” “Then… yah, maybe diving right into it would be… confusing. You can always get your own copy online and read it on your phone. There are online stores, you could even get a physical copy if you'd rather, it’s still in print I think.” “Oh, I could read it on either? I… yes that makes sense. I think I would rather get a copy in my hands, even if I do appreciate reading on my phone. Rae showed me how to read Dungeon Meshi on it, and that has been quite excellent so far.” “Hell yah, Kui-sensei is such a goat.” Goat? “That’s a great one to start with if you haven’t read much manga.” It sounds like she approves of the choice. “I haven’t, it is my first, but I have been really enjoying it. I ended up reading it far too late last night.” Shiko raises her hand, oh it’s for a high five, with a laugh I do my half of the motion. A customer shows up after that and that puts our conversation on hold for now as Shiko’s attention turns back to her work. She seems very relaxed and casual as she helps them, but is still quite diligent. She’s practiced at this work. The customer leaves quite satisfied and soon after Rae returns, carrying a fair amount of food that reminds me of what one could find at a fair. The smell causes my stomach to rumble nearly immediately. “Hey, hope Shiko wasn’t too weird.” Rae says, just a little nervous as she makes her way to the table. “Don't worry, I only shared your deepest darkest secrets.” Rae narrows her eyes, Shiko just laughs at her. “We just talked, relax Rae, your girlfriend is nice, I approve.” Rae digests that news for a moment and then does actually relax, “Oh.. well good. Claire-chan I hope you don’t mind some greasy food.” “You can drop the honorifics with your girlfriend Rae,” Shiko teases. “That sounds lovely Rae, thank you very much.” I offer to avoid Rae from having to feel too self conscious. Chan is an improvement over sama afterall, so I consider it a victory already. And she really only uses it in public too, another improvement. Rae finally slips back in behind the table with us, and starts passing out some food and drinks. It’s fried food, and it is just perfect for the moment. This will tide us over until we can have a more proper lunch later. Rae covers for Shiko and I and we quickly devour the food before returning to the task at hand. And just in time as it seems a new surge of people start to flood the venue floor. It’s not quite as busy as the first wave, and it gives me more time to make proper observations. True to Shiko prior predictions, her stock of booklets, doujin , are diminishing. Have we already sold half of her wares? Also the people moving about are very interesting; we are frequented by many women mostly, but we do get a fair amount of men. Some are a bit… off putting, to say so politely. Shiko treats them as respectfully as possible. Thankful nothing becomes too unbearable, but otherwise most of them seem fine. All the women are lovely though, and so diverse. There is a fair amount in cosplay, but even those not in cosplay have such diverse appearance, and Rae starts pointing out the little things. All the symbols, the little flags and what means what. I never realized how prolific such things were here. Rae always had a little rainbow flag on her desk back home, but now is the first time I can really feel the connection with a greater community that it meant to her. I find myself wanting to also add a bit of that to my life. The hours start to move quickly and soon Shiko is shooing us out, to take a break, get some food again and finally explore a bit. “Make sure you show your girl a good time Oohashi.” She teases as we leave, smiling like a Cheshire cat. There is something very nostalgic about wandering about the floor with Rae. It feels so much like our first outing at the school fair, only this time I’m the one finding every opportunity to cling to her. She is nervous, but I think the mask and hoodie are doing a lot to help her feel more comfortable. We weave our way through the other amateur mangaka on the floor next to Shiko. Rae manages to pick out a few that catch her interest, and after some prompting concedes that I could read them as well. I do catch her trying to hide a few from my notice though. I have to push down the urge to tease her for it, it already feels like I have pushed too much in the morning. I’m sure I’ll get a chance to see them later. I must remember to be patient with her. Soon we arrive in the artist corner as Rae dubs it and the people here are selling prints of artwork, large prints as well. As Rae explains it, much like books it’s easy to reproduce printed art. Much in the same way that we can share pictures across our phone, these images are easily printed to paper. And all the artists are able to work with a computer to produce this art. It’s amazing how much work is being shown off, and the styles of the art are all so diverse. So much of art in Bauer was focused on realism, but here it reaches all corners. For every bright and vibrant piece, there is something dark and moody. Some look nearly like photos, some look styled in the same way as Persona, or Dungeon Meshi, and others are uniquely surreal. The passion of the community is beautiful and I even manage to find pieces I recognize from Persona and Dungeon Meshi. After some encouragement from Rae I decided to find a print. After some browsing I picked out a lovely… If somewhat provocative; only slightly so , piece of Marcille and Falin after her dragon transformation. The piece is haunting yet beautiful in a way I can’t describe. There is also the added bonus of Rae being absolutely ‘losing her mind’ over the choice. I also found a lovely print of the phantom thieves to add. These will be nice to hang up, I think. After that we find ourselves with merchants; well stores, as Rae refers to them. More professional collections of merchandise. Some are selling video games, Rae is currently trapped looking at a collection beneath a glass counter. She mumbles something about having to look to see if she can find a retro title. I take the chance to look about freely. There is a wide collection on display in the small area, incredibly packed and busy. A treat of the eyes. Little figurines and models of many characters, and books, many, many books. Do… they have Dungeon Meshi? Of course they do, I glance around, and see Rae is still trapped scanning through the collection. I could have my own copies… oh goodness there are fourteen volumes all together? Where was I exactly… Oh goodness. Checking my phone, I was already into volume six. There is still so much more to read. That’s exciting . I should just purchase them for myself. It’s a little awkward as I pluck all the books for the shelf, they certainly have many copies available. Hopefully they can provide a bag. It will be terribly awkward to have to carry these all back home later, or even now. The man at the counter gives me a smile, he looks just barely older than myself. “Hi, you find everything you were looking for?” “Ooh, actually I didn’t see it but would happen to have the book Pray Love as well?” The man seems to run down a mental checklist in his mind, “Oh, Between Prayer and Love? That’s the girl love light novel right? I think we might have some in the back. That’s an older one. Let me check real quick. You can put your stuff on the counter.” “Of course, thank you.” With that he disappears behind a curtain so I’m left to let my vision wander. Rae is still in the same spot, I think she must be double checking… I expect she had little luck initially. There are more shelves behind the counter, full of cases. I think Rae mentioned those held an object to either watch videos or play video games. As I place the books down on the counter I notice there is more goods below the glass top. Oh, is that jewelry? I hadn’t expected to… Wait, these are styled after Persona?! They are, that’s the Phantom Thief mask! Their brand, a top hat sitting on top an eye mask, flames licking out the side and colored in red and black. I hazard one more look at Rae, it looks like she's still busy. I could also… I could? Couldn’t I? It looks lovely, and Rae really does love the game. It would be like when she bought me the amulet wouldn't it? Oh I could… Oh

44_3

, I’m feeling a bit too emotional over the idea already. Would she even think that much of it? She’s never been much for such things in the past but this feels different. This feels right . I have to. “Hi, so we have a few, but it’s only the first, second, fifth and seventh book. If you want, you could come to our main store in Shinjuku and we could order the rest for you.” I was so caught up in the thought that the man surprised me with his return. “Oh I see, I’ll consider it but I think just the first two books are enough for now, Thank you very much.” “No problem, okay, are you ready to check out then?” “Oh more thing, you have this pendant here, this is from Persona Five is it not?” “Hmmm, oh yah, that’s the official limited edition one, did you also want that as well? It’s fifty-five thousand yen.” That is a lot, isn’t it? That’s many meals… It’s not as if though I am a commoner anymore… or whatever equivalent it would be here… middle class? True, Catherine did say I could pay large sums to my credit card if needed. I could try. It's a special occasion. “Yes, that will do. If I could get all of this, that would be wonderful, thank you again.” The man gives me a polite nod and opens the back of the counter and pulls the pendant from the display with a case. He closes the case, pulls a box up, also with a Persona design on it to store the pendant and collects the books over at a cashier. The card makes no objection when I use it to pay for everything. Excellent . I’ll be more frugal going forward, this is being charged to Mother after all. And I did use it last week to buy clothes for Rae as well. I should probably talk to her about it next time we have a chance. Hopefully I don’t have to justify this to her later. I will though if I have to. Rae is worth it. I collect my bag and prizes and move to Rae, she’s still trying to find her prize. “No luck?” She sighs… “No… I mean it’s not surprising… it’s kinda hard to find and old. I was just hoping it might be… oh well. Oh did you get something?” I give the bag a shake, and pull out one of the volumes of Dungeon Meshi and grin. “Noooo, oh god I’m so jelly!” I can feel the smile spread across my cheeks. “ Oh ? How jelly?” I adore when her silly vernacular slips out. “Oh these look so good.” I let her take the book from hand and she starts flipping through it, “Real Jelly. It was always hard to justify buying them, and the more that came out… it just meant paying more to get everything, I figure eventually when I was working… wait did you get everything?” “Yes, I was already up to volume six, and I couldn’t imagine stopping now. I would be very happy to read them with you, or even lend to you once I finish my own reading.” “Oh god please, I would love to read the hard copy. Did you get anything else?” “It’s a secret.” You’ll see it soon enough. “Oh… really?” She sounds a little suspicious. Always so perceptive. “Yes, I’ll let you know later.” ‘Oh, well okay.” “What were you looking for, by the way. Those were video games?” “Oh yah,” She waves down to the glass case, it’s like the one that had the pendant, except there looks to be hundreds of very little rectangular objects. “These are cartridges for the DS, they slot into a small device about the size of your phone, and you can play the game on it. It’s older, I was still a kid when it came out, but I kinda got into it in highschool… I wanted to find a copy of Pokemon white.” Her eyes trail back to the counter. “Pokemon?” That name sounds oddly familiar… “It’s a game, I thought we… ah it’s not important, we are busy enough as it is. So you happy? Did you want to check out anything else or should we go get some food finally?” “I think food would be good now, I think it’s been nearly forty minutes now. We shouldn't make Shiko-san wait too long.” “It has, hasn’t it? Yah let's wrap up.” Rae pushes herself away for the counter “There's a cafeteria of sorts set up around the corner. Let's go grab our lunch and then head back.” Today really has been lovely so far. Spending the day with Rae, the glimpse into an aspect she was alway passionate about but I never could be a part of before. And now I can make the day end perfectly. The pendant stashed away safely in my bag, I can’t wait till we have a chance to be alone and I can give it to her. That I can let her know how much I love her again. That I love her, all of this, all of her. It’s perfect.

27

“Oh my god, just say it already.” Catherine huffs annoyed, Claire has been quiet but her energy is very obvious. Claire smiles, “How is it?” “It’s good, happy?” Catherine, rolls her eyes. “Very, so that didn’t take you too long?” “Thankfully the socket was easy to adjust, and we had already custom ordered the new leg for Mademoiselle Catherine, afterwards it was simple to adjust it to suit her.” Lene informs Claire. “Excellent.” “It was custom order?” Catherine gawks. “Of course, Mademoiselle Francoius would have little else. She was waiting a while for when you would be ready. It should be very reliable and it has a silicon finish to make it hard to distinguish from a normal leg.” “Really?” Claire practically has stars in her eyes. “She didn’t need to go that far.” Catherine just looks very uncomfortable, I sympathize. Hopefully Claire has some restraint with our shopping trip later. “Nonsense.” Lene-sama just looks professional during the whole affair. “Ahh, would it be too much to ask to see it…” God Claire is so cute when she is trying to restrain herself. Catherine groans, “Fine but in the car, I just want to get home already.” It doesn’t take much more after that, Catherine practically shoves us into the back seat, but she isn’t using the cane anymore and she is moving… well pretty normal. I can’t tell anymore. Once the limo is moving Claire is beaming at Catherine. She doesn’t say much but I can see Catherine is under full assault from Claire’s smile, and she eventually groans again. She reaches to the bottom of her left pant leg and pulls it up to the thigh. And Lene-sama was right, it looks like skin, the tone even matches her skin. Claire looks overwhelmed as she scans it up and down, and Catherine finally smirks. She pulls the shoe and sock and reveals a foot with toes. It seems to have some bend to it, it allows some articulation but I can see it’s not moving completely like a real foot is. But I guess I would only notice that because I know. Claire hesitantly touches the thigh and sees that it has some give. “You… you don’t feel that right? It's not a real leg right?” Catherine laughs, “Nope, yah it does look convincing but we aren’t regrowing legs yet if that what you are thinking” “Oh… I see, sorry if that was stupid question. The capabilities of this world always surprise me.” “Nah, it wasn’t stupid. Here.” Catherine pulls the pant leg higher and I can see the seam above her knee, she fiddles with it a bit and then the leg detaches… oh wow. She passes that to a surprised Claire. Claire holds the leg carefully but just looks stunned, doing very little but blinking. “Umm, so you can walk comfortably?” I ask to try to break the silence. “Yah, I can even run on it, Hell I might start jogging… that old one hadn’t been good to do that in a while. Here let me have that back.” She takes the leg back and reattaches it and quickly pulls the pant leg back down. When she comes back up after putting her sock and shoe back on Claire surprises her with a hug, there are tears in her eyes. “Catherine, it’s so wonderful!” “Oh, umm.” “It’s so much better than I thought it would be, you can walk!” Catherine doesn’t say much but she can’t really hide her smile either. She just hugs her back. I feel like I am intruding. Eventually Claire pulls back, a slight sniffle, “Sorry, I just… it really is amazing.” “Thanks, I don’t know if I deserve it but thanks.” Yah… same Catherine…

62

Okay. Today’s the day.I just have to knock on the door and then Claire and I will jump on a train and be in Chiba. She’s going to be there with me. Man, I really hope I don’t cry. She’s already seen you bawl your eyes out. Shut up. It’s going to be fine. Yeah. Yeah. KNOCK KNOCK. I give their door a few light taps. “Just a minute,” I can hear faintly from the other side. Soon enough the door opens and it’s Catherine. “Hey, Dork.” She smiles as she lets me in. “Hi Catherine.” I can see Claire in the corner huddled over her desk. Is she working on something? “Just a minute, Rei. I’ll be ready to leave soon.” She’s pretty into her work and doesn’t look up. Might as well take a seat. I sit on the edge of her bed and try to peek at what she's working on. Black cloth…? Wait. “Is that my hoodie?” “Wait!” She holds up a hand, pulling a string tight. Or is that thread? I hear a snip and then Claire holds the hoodie out in front of her and inspects it thoroughly. What’s going on ? She gives the cutest little chortle and spins her seat to face me, grinning widely. “Here, Rei.” She hands the hoodie to me. Didn’t the sleeve get ruined ? I turn it over. “Wait, you fixed it?!” Oh God, she looks so proud of herself. I love her so much. “How? How did you do this?” The part that was frayed and ruined by the flames has new material filling in the hole. It’s a red and black pattern… wait, this is just like the picaro pattern on some of the personas. “Did you…?” “I mended it. Of course . There was no way I was going to throw it away when it was such minor damage. If anything the fire damage was the least of it. Were you aware there was a hole in the armpit?” Critical hit. “Uuuugh… it’s not like anyone could see that though…” She quirks one eyebrow. “I noticed it.” She laughs softly. “I fixed it, and many other places too. It’s a well worn article and honestly without my help I don’t think it would have had much time left. But I redid the stitching in many places, better than before in my opinion. I fixed a lot of the fraying that was happening on the other sleeve and the lining should be better now.” “ How ?” It's true, the other sleeve’s cuff was getting pretty torn. I had no idea it was something you could repair. All of the holes have been filled in with the same red and black pattern. It honestly looks way cooler than it did before. “It looks better than when I bought it. What the heck?” She crosses her arms and raises her nose. “ Of course , I didn’t spend decades mastering tailoring only to fall short here.” She cackles. God, I love her. “When did you do this? This must have taken so long.” It’s barely been a week . “I found time.” She relaxes a bit. “She’s been doing it every night. She panic-called Lene for supplies when she came back that night.” “CATHERINE!” Oh, that's a treat. I don’t normally get to see her frazzled like that. There’s nothing but a hum from the sofa. Guess Catherine’s back in her usual spot. “Thanks Claire… uhhh wow… I… I don’t know what to say.” It’s better than before . Am I tearing up? I have to swallow. The bed shifts. Oh, it’s Claire. She puts a hand on my knee. “I wanted to surprise you. It’s not too much, is it?” “I l-love it.” I'm not crying. Totally not. Liar. “Good. It’s not the first piece of clothing I’ve fixed for us. And I promise, you will only have to say goodbye to it when you want to. It might pick up a few more patches here and there but I will make sure it’s always better for it.” I’ll be better for it . “Thank you Claire… is it okay if I wear it?” “Of course, silly.” She leans over and gives me a tight hug. I can really feel the tears prickle as I hug her back. “I’m glad you like it, Rei.” When she pulls back I pull off the other sweater I had on. It’s probably more stylish—it’s the one I used on our first date—but honestly I just want to wear this one again. It… it feels better than before. She said something about the lining? I run my hands over the front. The fabric feels smooth again and I can feel the pendant underneath. I’m glad I wore it today . “Are you ready to leave, Rei?” I run my fingers over the new patches on the sleeve. It’s smooth, soft… perfect. “Yeah, let's get going.”

17_1

“Hello?” I open the door to our dorm room and there is no Misha. That’s good, she’s out and about then. Probably with Yu. “Looks like it’s just us Francois-san.” She follows me inside and closes the door behind us, she lingers for a bit. “Is it too soon… to use our first names?” She hasn’t been this shy yet, her glance is downturned. I… this is starting to feel very real. She looks so vulnerable, the request is simple enough isn’t it? I’m overthinking it aren’t I? Claire “Umm, no I think it’s okay…… Claire-san.” She looks up, and there is a small smile, “Well it’s better than Claire-sama.” The teasing is mirthful, I remember she said not to call her that the first time but I am missing a fair bit of context aren’t I? Did I just call her that before? “I appreciate it Rei… chan, and please don’t feel like you have to rush anything on my part. I don't want you to feel like you are being pressured into this.” “I’m not, really, I’m just weird. I have my own hangups about things and I don't know when I will get better about it. This is just very new to me. Umm… Anyways this is my ever so humble room that I share with Misha.” It’s so very plain, at least it’s pretty clean. No clothes were left on the floor, I made sure of that before I left. She… Claire is looking around judging the room, “It is rather humble isn’t it, I wasn’t sure but I had a feeling that mine was… well extravagant. I have to admit, I don’t have a good frame of reference here in this world for this sort of thing.” “Oh yah, your’s is pretty nice, it's fine here. It does its job. Misha and I are mostly getting by on savings and scholarship so we can’t really complain.” “I hope that didn’t sound judgemental, there was a time when I was very young and would have been… well condescending about it.” “Oh don’t worry about it, F-Claire-san. Give me a moment to set up.” I pop my shoes off, and pull my laptop off my side of the desk. We can sit on the bed, it’s fine. The chairs sucks anyways. So the laptop starts up and I drop it on the bed. “Also Claire-san, I did look up a bit about prosthetics, for Achard-san. “Ohh?” She closes in behind me, I wasn't expecting that and I can feel a shiver run down my back from the proximity. Calm down Rei, “YaH, so I think there are few places nearby, and there is a lot to consider, I think we would need to actually take her to them and figure out what needs to be done. It sounds like it's something that needs proper maintenance so routine checkups are normal. It will probably cost a bit but It might be covered? I don’t know, we would have to probably talk to her… guardian? You said something about her dad right?” “Yes… He can choke.” Her voice is like ice. I turn to face her, she looks like she is ready to kill him. It’s scary… …but also kinda hot. OH GOD REI SHUT UP “I think my mother would probably be her guardian now, but I think I might be able to contact Lene, she is… our maid? Not a maid, but our butler I think. That’s weird to say, I know her from before too, she was my personal maid but Catherine said it’s not quite like that anymore? I haven’t really talked to her but I think she would know what we need to do. I have a feeling she would even manage it in the first place but I think Catherine might be a bit resistant to it… I have yet to suss out the exact reason…” Oh, well that would make things easier. It makes sense, like I wouldn't really be booking this for her right? That's silly, what am I expecting? Is there anything I can really do then? I’m just a stranger and she has a medical history that I know nothing about, it’s not like I could just suggest a random clinic and we take her there, she probably has a doct- “Rei, thank you, would you mind if I tried calling her now, I would appreciate it if you were there for it as I don’t know what I am talking about really.” “Oh, ummm sure Claire-san.” She smiles and sits down on my bed, okay I can still be useful, that's good. She starts the call and it rings a few times before a voice comes through on the speaker. “Bonjour Mademoiselle Claire, how might I help you.” The voice is very formal, and her accent is more noticeable than Claire's. “Lene! It’s great to hear from you.” “Is everything all right?” She sounds a bit concerned, I would guess most conversations didn’t start like this before. “Of course Lene, I am quite all right, but I was hoping you could assist me with something. Well Catherine more specifically, she has… well her leg has been damaged and she needs a new one I would say.” Claire-san holds the phone at chest height between the two of us, and her free hand fidgets on her knee. There is a long pause, “Oh… Well yes we could look into that, she is long due for an appointment but she has insisted it’s not necessary. I… should she not be telling me about this?” “Well as you said she has been stubborn about it, I don’t think it will be easy to convince her.” “I could bring this up with your mother then, she might be able to convince her, I know she has wanted to get her a new leg for a while.” “No, that’s not necessary right now, I think I can convince her, it is partially my fault it’s in its state it is in anyways.” “Well if that’s the case I can arrange an appointment, I can pick her up probably next weekend. Would you want to accompany us or…?” “Yes please, and would it be alright if I brought a… friend as well?” Wait what? “That shouldn’t be a problem, should I assume that you will inform Mademoiselle Catherine?” “Yes, I want it to be a surprise, and I think it would be easier too to bring her that way.” “I understand, I will text you when I finalize the details, do you require anything else Mademoiselle Claire?” “No that will be all, Thank you Lene, I hope you have a lovely day.” There is a short pause, “Of course, thank you Mademoiselle, have a nice day.” The call ends, and Claire looks up at me, her cheeks drawn high from a smile and she grabs my hand. “We did it!” I didn’t do anything though, but she is very happy, “Well you ended up doing most of it, but I’m glad for you.” “Hush, you were important, thank you for being here with me for it.” “So… did you want to bring-” “Yes, could you come along too? I know I didn’t really ask you beforehand but I would really appreciate it if you came. It might be a bit silly but it’s less intimidating when you are with me.” “I would die for you.” She blanches slightly. Fuck, I wasn’t suppose to say that. That was a bit unhinged. “Rei!” “Sorry, that came out wrong I-” She wraps me in a hug, “Please don’t, I’m sorry we have just been through a lot. I understand it's a non-serious expression but I don’t want to lose you.” aaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaa “Are you okay?” When did she let go? She is gently rubbing my arm and her face furls in concern. “yUp, totally fine… Sorry about that Claire-san, it’s just my weird otaku stuff leaking out…” “I… I don’t mind the mannerism Rei, I just want you to know I don’t want to lose you okay. Don’t think you need to sacrifice yourself for me okay? That just hits… a little too close.” I, right, she lived through a revolution, even if it was mostly non-violent. I have to imagine things weren’t always safe in her old life. I am doing a bad job at this. “Don’t worry Claire-san, I’ll be better.” She gives one more squeeze of my arm before letting her hand fall away, “Don't worry about it too much either, I’m just glad you are here and your otaku-ness is charming.” She teases out a smile. This can’t be real. I clear my throat, “Soooo… um video games!” She nods and I turn back to the laptop, I should grab the controller, “Feel free to get comfortable on the bed, I’ll just set it up.” I reach under the bed and pull out the box with the controller in it, and then grab the charging cable to plug the laptop in. When I turn back I see that Claire has decided to sit in the corner of the bed, laying down its length, I had thought we would sit across the bed… I was going to pull the desk to prop the laptop on. She just looks at me innocently. She planned this… We are going to be very close… Oh god. I can do this, don’t make a big deal about it. Don't make a big deal about it. I slide in next to her and prop the laptop up before us on my legs and open up the launcher for Pers

17_2

ona. Claire focuses on the screen. “Is this good? Comfortable?” She leans into my space just a bit, “Hmmh.” Oh god, I can do this. The intro starts and Claire leans in as the title menu appears. “Oh this is the same as your hoodie right? You said that was also Persona right?” “Yes.” I can’t help but feel pleased that she remembered that, “This is that.” “This looks… different, this isn’t real is it?” “Oh no, it's ummm, Ok so we talked about anime, or animation before right?. A video is basically just a bunch of images pre-recorded with sound and then it gets played back, each fraction of a second is referred to as a frame, more frames, the smoother it looks. The videos we showed you before do that by doing something like by taking a photo, but every fraction of a second. Animation does that but is hand drawn, and once we start the game there is a little bit of that so you can see it. This is sorta different. In games things exist sort of more like puppets I guess? And they follow rules that are programmed by the game, so in the case of the silhouettes you see there, they just stand and repeat the animation, but when I swap between the different menu prompts you can see how things change.” I do so and she oohs slightly. I…. Thank you god for this. “That's so fascinating. How does one even do this? This isn’t magic?” I can’t help but chuckle, “No it’s really not magic, but I don’t really have an easy or short answer for how they work, these are 3D models, umm three dimensional models. That means they can be seen from every angle, they exist purely in the digital sense. The ones in this game like this are, mmm, well simpler but they can be very complex and very realistic looking. I can show you some examples later but this one is meant to look like an anime.” “Okay, this is very impressive, I didn’t realize this was possible.” She leans into me some more. I can feel my heart thud, “Let's start the game.” She nods. The intro plays and the short anime scene plays, Joker jumps through the ceiling of the casino and Claire is intently watching it all. Once it ends and the game proper starts she finally asks her question. “What is happening?” “It will make more sense, but this intro jumps to a moment much later in the story, it will go back to the actual start and things will make more sense. Right now the heroes are trying to escape getting caught after pulling a heist.” “The heroes are thieves?” “Yes, sorta. It eases into it once we get into it but if something still doesn’t make sense please ask.” “Okay… also did the person just turn into a girl?” “Wha…?” I wasn’t paying attention, and I check the model for Joker. It’s definitely not him anymore. I forgot I had this mod installed, oh fuck this is going to be confusing. “Oh shit, sorry I forgot I did that.” “You did that? What?” Oh, this is just making things more complicated, isn’t it? “Not directly, ummm, okay so some people are very talented at changing games, it’s called modding, short for modifying.” “That's not really that much shorter?” “It’s usually just called mods, modding is the verb, errrr, anyways some people make mods and they can change games, in this case someone made a mod that changes the appearance of the protagonist, he… they are called Joker, I hope that’s not too confusing.” “That really is impressive, that seems like it would be like rewriting a whole novel.” “Yah, kinda. Same idea at its core I guess. It’s a lot of work, and in this case the mod is not completely done, it mostly is just a cosmetic change and the plot doesn’t really change to match it. So you still get referred to as a guy.” “You?” “Uh, yah, you play… or control the protagonist, Joker, so it’s like you are in the story. These types of games are called role playing games, cause you are playing the role of the hero, plot tends to be a big feature for these types of games… usually.” Don't go off on a pointless tangent Rei. “I see. It is unfortunate that it is incomplete like you mentioned then.” “Yah, but I think it actually works in the context of the game in a weird way, the themes of the game are about rebelling against society, how the world tries to dictate who you are and finding your true self to break away from the norms, the game already had a element of the world treating you like a delinquent and adding in this idea that you are also trans just kinda clicked in my head. And you have to do some filling in the blanks yourself because not exactly everything lines up with that but there is a lot that does and it makes the game feel so much more queer when it really isn’t and… I’m rambling aren’t I?” There is a soft chuckle from Claire and she weaves her arm around mine, god I can feel my heart thud. “Please ramble, this is so fascinating, I really had no idea that art could be like this.” She called it art… Rei, calm down and don’t geek out too hard. “Okay, okay, thanks, yah… Anyways I don’t want to get too much in the way, so here.” I give her the controller to her and she just stares at it like it's an arcane device. “What’s this?” “It's the controller, you can play the game with it.” “Me? but …” “Don’t worry, it's easy, press the X button and the next line of dialogue will play.” She looks down at the controller and analyzes the buttons, once satisfied she taps the said button like an old person typing on a keyboard. I am so lucky…. Don’t laugh Rei The next line plays, “So who's talking?” “They are part of your group, they will get slowly rolled out but right now the game is just teasing them.” “Okay, this is an interesting way to introduce a story, I can’t think of many plays that have done this.” She presses the button as each line finishes, each time having to check the controller once more and then soon the dialogue is over. She looks a bit lost, “What now?” “Do you see that stick on the left,” she looks down at it and nods. “Okay so put your hand around it like this, I guide her hands so they fit around the controller right, and show her where to place her thumbs, “Okay, now try pushing the left stick around, but look at the screen.” She gives the stick one more look, as if she is trying to really commit its position to memory, and then hesitantly looks back at the screen. Joker moves as she tests the stick for the first time. “She moved!” she bounces a bit in place as she gets excited, “It moves?!” I can’t help but laugh again, oh god this is so adorable, I don’t deserve this. “Yes, you can move her around with the stick.” Claire gives it a few more tests and looks quite proud as Joker moves around bit by bit, but soon she realizes she is stuck on the first platform. “When you are close to the edge do you see the bit there on screen that says X to jump.” She moves the model back to the spot, “Oooh,” she looks back down on the controller and finds the button once more and glees as she jumps over the edge. “Oh that is so neat.” “Okay just keep going.” It takes her a bit, she is pretty cautious but she starts to get more comfortable holding and using the controller by the time she reaches the first fight. She still has to venture a few looks to make sure her hands are in the right spots but I would be lying if I am not enjoying this a lot. “Oh goodness what happened to that man? Is he a monster?” “It will explain a bit better later, but yeah, that was not a person but a monster, or a shadow as the game calls them.” “That’s not a thing in this world right?” “Nonono, this is purely fictional, don’t worry about monsters here… wait did you have monsters?” “Yes, but we could eliminate them with magic, here I would imagine they would be even more dangerous, so what now?” I guide her through the first combat encounter, “You take turns going back and forth in this game so you can take your time, other games can require you to act fast but don’t worry about that in this one. You have different abilities or moves you can do, so try that first one.” She follows my suggestion, and after a few turns traded back and forth the first enemy is beaten and she has such a smug look on her face. “ Trival for a Francois.” I dont have the heart to tell her that it is a tutorial fight, “Good job Claire-san, lets keep going.” We keep at it, and it doesn’t take long for the short intro slash tutorial to conclude and then Joker gets captured, Claire gasps as Joker is swarmed by policemen. “Did I do something wrong? I thought I won?” “No that's how it’s supposed to go, don’t worry.” She keeps watching determined, the rest of the intro plays and she glares at the men beating up Joker in the cell, oh god she is getting into it. Soon the difficulty prompt shows up, she seems stuck making a choice. “I recommend easy?” “Easy?” She does not like the sound of it. “It’s fine, trust me you are going to have

17_3

so many new things to think about, you don’t need to make the game harder for yourself. She pouts a bit as she stares at the prompt. She selects normal. Okay… It's okay, I'm here. “I can choose a name?” “Oh yah, so there is a default name, Ren, but a lot of games like this lets you choose your own name.” “Can I name myself Claire?” “Of course.” Oh this is so precious. She slowly types out her full name, oh I love watching her figure it out in real time, there is so much focus on her face and she often overshoots on the onscreen keyboard. Once done, the rest of the scene plays out. She is getting more in the swing of it now, paying attention to everything that is getting said. As it goes along I answer a few more questions, explaining subways and trains, letting her know the game is set in Japan, just not this exact city. The little bits about high school that come up. I was worried this could be a dud but the hours start to slip by and she gets very absorbed in the game. Soon, she has finished the first day of the game. “That’s probably a good spot to call it I think.” “But I didn’t stop Kamoshida…” “And trust me, even if we went for several more hours you wouldn’t either. It’s a big game, we can do more next weekend.” She really leans into me and pouts, “Fine, you are probably right.” I can’t help but chuckle, I know she wont get there at her rate, even if she chose easy, we are going to be at this for a while but I just feel myself looking forward to it. “So did you like it.” “Yes! This is so novel, you tried to describe them before, like many things, but actually seeing it is a world of difference. This is nothing like what I thought, and it is so interesting. I know I am missing a fair amount of context but I am really enjoying this so far, I hope we can continue.” “I would lo- like to continue too.” She smirks from the side and hands me the controller. “Also I do appreciate your choice, picking something set in your world is a clever idea.” “I… it just made sense. And you would get to see things in a more natural way than if we just showed you… I don’t know, more educational videos again. There are other shows we can watch at some point too, and there are a lot of things set in not the real world too and those are worth watching just because they are fun and good… Umm but yah. Persona made sense. And I like it, even though I can complain a lot.” “I look forward to having the context when that comes up then.” I make sure her game is saved one last time, and shut down the laptop. I’m able to push it off but not really able to get up though. Claire has wrapped herself around me. I can’t complain but… I have no idea what to do. …do I do something? “It’s around five thirty Claire-san.” “Mhmm” She doesn’t make any effort to move. “Okay.” I guess I live here now. She sighs and tightens her grasp gently. “Thank you Rei, this was a very lovely day.” “... Of course C-Claire-san, I’m happy you enjoyed it. I liked it too.” I can feel one of her hands slowly creeping up my back. What is happening? I look at her and there is an intensity in her eyes. I gulp, I can feel my heart hammer. I swear it feels like there is an energy arcing from her into me. I can’t look away. I don't want to look away. I feel her other hand cup the side of my check, so tender but it firmly anchors the moment. She licks her lips, wait did I just do the same. What’s happening? “Rei…?” WHAT’S HAPPENING? “Can I kiss you?” … … “Rei?” she ask once more … I nod. I can’t speak, oh god I can’t speak. Yes I want this. How is this happening? How did I get here? She smiles, it's soft, it's fire, it's intense, it's gentle. It’s… Oh god I want this so much. She pulls my face to hers, and her lips meet mine, a gentle kiss and I can’t help but gasp. How is this happening? She comes in for a second one and it’s more searing this time. I feel engulfed in her. She smells like vanilla and strawberries, she tastes divine. It’s all around me. She is all around me. She doesn't break contact but she shifts her position and places herself on my lap, her legs wrap around me and she bends over me deepening the kiss again. She is all around me, and it's impossible to think about anything else. How long has it been? I feel like I am trapped in this moment. I could be trapped in this moment. I would be happy to be in this moment for the rest of time. She shifts again, runs her hand across my neck, I have to gasp again and a shiver runs through my entire body. She teases out a soft laugh at my reaction. I am at her mercy in this moment, anything she would want I would give to her. It’s terrifying but it's right. It’s so right . It’s like I found what I was missing in my life and I never want to lose it again. I feel a hunger that seemed lost, forgotten… I want more of this. I need more of this. Her lips sear mine again, I can feel her breath roll across my skin, everything feels so sensitive now. Every nerve alive with her energy. I am at her beck, her call. She shifts her kisses, to the corner of my mouth, down my cheek, peppering down my neck to where she pauses just above the base. She's making me wait, I can’t help the whimper that escapes, please don’t stop now, I n- Her tongue runs over the spot and my whole body shivers, I feel the saliva linger, the spot sizzles. She breathes over it and I moan. How? What? What am I doing? What is she doing? How is she doing this? Then she kisses the sensitive spot again, gently, then I feel the pressure build to a delicious level before a pop, and is released. She pulls away, looking down on me. Like a cat that caught the bird. She knows. She knows I am hers. She knows. She smirks and that almost feels enough to completely undo me, she runs a hand across her face to pull some hair away from her face. “Rei… I love you. Always.” This is true. I know it because… The realization is as terrifying as it is true. I love her too.

36_1

I can feel some stirrings beside me. I tepidly open my eyes, some light from outside is filtering in and it takes a moment for my eyes to adjust. I can feel a familiar weight to my side. Rae… Her arm is draped over me, and I pull her in tighter. Oh how I missed these little moments of bliss. The strain in my head, less so. It could be worse though. I know it could be much worse. But Rae is soothing, very much so, and she stayed, bless her. Oh goodness she should have told me no, and I shouldn't feel so elated that she stayed. But I want this so much, just to wake up in my wife’s arms. But you’re not wives… yet. You just started dating. God, this is so infuriating at times, how did Rae ever put up with this feeling for a year? I kissed her, I went on a date and I still want more. I need more. What was it like for her? How ever did she deal with this before we became betrothed? I could have even a bit more if I just wak - BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP “FUCK!” Rae springs and dashes around for the source of the noise. Damned hells I hate alarms. She eventually finds it and shuts her phone up. “Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry.” “Rae, Rae it’s fine.” Thank goodness the ache in my head is barely there. “Sorry…” we are both sitting up now, calming down from the alarm. I watch the realization dawns on Rae’s face as she figures out where she is, where she woke up. It’s delightful . “ Morning Rae .” She gulps, and her blush has been slowly seeping throughout her skin. “Morning Claire-chan,” She barely manages to say. I find her hand under the sheets and give it a gentle pull, weaving our fingers together. I can’t help the giggle that escapes me, and soon Rae is giggling with me. I pull her into me laughing more and- “God, please,” Catherine gags and we both still, “I’m here, I can hear and see you.” I can’t help but groan, I peer over to her side of the room, and there she is, sitting on the edge of her bed. Looking very unimpressed. I don’t need you judging me this early in the morning Catherine. There is a soft ‘sorry’ that squeaks out of Rae, and I sigh. “Sorry Catherine, I haven’t had to worry about an audience since our girls grew up.” She rolls her eyes. “Yah, sure. Whatever, I wanted to go for a walk, I will be out of your hair in a bit anyways.” “Are you sure?” “Look, you two are bad enough when you're ‘studying’ I’m not going to be around playing third wheel today. Besides, gotta break in the new leg.” She tries to hide her grin and she peers down at the new leg laying at the side of bed. “Okay… Thank you Catherine, sorry again.” She just waves me off as she starts to put her leg on, and then gives it a test step and gets up. She is sure-footed. “I’m gonna get changed, and just… I don't know, keep it on your side .” Rae makes a sound like she is deflating, I think I am well past being embarrassed by anything like this anymore though. “Don’t feel like you have to rush on our part.” She just hums and she collects some clothes and goes to the bathroom. And for a moment it’s Rae and myself again. Alone. “Raeeee.” She groans, and huddles into the sheets. “Raeeee.” I tease out again. No response. “We can do whatever we want today…” I can just make out parts of her face as she buries herself, the skin is red. Adorable . My hand finds the top of her head, and my finger circles the top, massaging the scalp. There is a confused sound at first followed by a content sigh. I missed mornings like this. Soon the bathroom opens, and Catherine looks ready. She seems unsure what to make of my casual affections, but shrugs, probably deciding it’s fine. “I’m going to probably get a bite on my walk, so maybe an hour and a bit before I’m back? Sound good?” “Of course, we shouldn’t be a disturbance by the time you come back, Rae, would you like to continue the game today?” “Game?” I can hear her mumble from the sheets. “Yes? The one from before…. Persona?” “Ooooh” She finally shifts and sits up again, her cheeks still look slightly dusted but she does seem to have calmed down a bit. “Yah sure, I’ll check in with Misha in a bit.” “Till then we have this place to ourselves. ” I laugh. “I’m still here, people.” Catherine groans. Rae's blush deepens again but I just laugh more. Catherine makes her way to the door, gives us one last look and shakes her head, smirking, “I’ll see you later tonight I guess, bye.” And then the door clicks. We are alone. I pivot on the bed, bringing myself face to face with Rae, she gulps. “ Good morning Rae. ” “morning claire…” I have to smile, she is so cute, her face is so red, her eyes dilated, her breathing very staggered. “Should we have some fun ?” Her eye go wide, the gears in her head slowly tick, tick, tick- “Yes?” She sounds so shattered, adorable . “Yes?” I have to tease her. “Yes.” She nods this time, so I start by pushing her backwards into the bed. She lays flat on the mattress and I crawl forward, looking down as she writhes in anticipation. “Good Girl.” I whisper into her ear and she shivers. First I test her ear, a light nip and she moans instantly. She gasps and covers her mouth with a hand, surprised by her own reaction. I, however… am not. A second nip and then I move to her neck, peppering light kisses down the side to front causing her to writhe even more. I give a lick to the bottom of her chin and press my lips- “Please no more hickeys!” I pull back, I must be pouting because she looks panicked, in a bad way. Fine, I can make this concession, “Is it okay if it’s somewhere private ?” “Private?” There is hesitation in her voice, I can hear her holding back a cheeky response. Rae… please take the bait. It was perfectly set up for you. Oh well, time to teach. “If not here… how about somewhere like over here…” I trace my finger from the spot I was first targeting, slowly moving down the neck, past the collarbone and resting close to the left shoulder, just above the chest. There is a hungry look in her eyes, “Private… okay…” Perfect . Now how to get to that point… “Rae would you rather I pull your shirt up… or down?” “Down? Ummm, won’t that stretch… it out?” As if the shirt is more important. “We all must make sacrifices.” “Oh well if you… down… please…”, she looks apologetic. I give her a kiss on the corner of her lips. “Rae, I can wait, I want this, but I want you to be comfortable first. Okay?” She nods. “Do you want me to?” She nods again. “Can you say it?” She gulps, “Pleeease Claire….” she whines. I pull the shirt’s collar over her shoulder, definitely stretching it out but that hardly matters. The skin now exposed, a spot only for me… Delightful. I do feel like being just a little cruel , “Please Claire… ?“ An exacerbated sound escapes from her, “please Claire… mess me up.” Music to my ears. I lean in and breathe over her shoulder, she shivers in response. “Good girl” I tell her, causing her to whine, the anticipation is killing her. Can't be too cruel. She gasps as I run my tongue over the spot, circling it twice and then letting out another breath over the spot. She tries to stifle a moan. Oh, you think you won't ? I press my lips to the spot, now ready and suck on the skin, let the pressure rise and she writhes underneath me, trying oh so hard to not moan. I apply more pressure , pulling the skin just ever so… and then test a nip. She finally moans , and I win . I let the pressure build a little more, carefully, and feather the trapped skin with my tongue. She moans again, and with a pop I release the skin, pulling back I get a better look at Rae. She is breathing heavily and her eyes are wide. Our eyes meet and she looks as if in awe. No interruptions this time, “Rae… did you like that?” She swallows, and finally blinks. “Yes,” she manages shakily, and I can’t help but smirk. I eye the spot again and it’s bright, bruised, the barest ident of teeth. Marked. Perfect. Enough there… I return to her face… she is so beautiful. I lean in, and our lips meet again. Careful, gentle at first. I am pressed close to her, I can feel her heart pound next to mine. I want to be closer.

36_2

Control yourself. Yes, yes. Don't rush her… that can come when… it will come. Instead I deepen our kiss. Hardly a poor concession and she writhes as the intensity shared between us grows. Eventually I have to pull back for air. A much needed breath. Even I am breathing heavily alongside her. “Woah.” She says softly. “Yeah.” She swallows again, I can see her thinking, and she hesitates… “What is it Rae?” She takes a deep breath, “Can… can I try…?” Oh… Excellent. “And what would you like to try?” “I… I don’t know… something… anything.” I give her a soft kiss on her lips and let our foreheads lean into each other. “Of course.” I can see her smile. “Kay, kay…” She gives me a gentle kiss and then starts to shift, moving out from under me, I move to the side and turn to face her. She sits herself up, on her knees and looks over me. Her eyes scan greedily, a hunger she hasn’t really allowed herself to humor till now. I missed this. I pull my gown collar low, exposing far more skin than just my collar bone and I can see her eyes focus. “Claire-ch… that’s not fair…” The look in her eyes is intoxicating, air is less valuable to her then me. “ Oh ? What are you going to do about it?” I tease. That seems to give her enough motivation to make a move. She is still too cautious with her hands though, rooting them beside me on the bed, but not on me, but oh well. Little steps. She leans in and takes the initiative with a kiss, she tries to replicate what I have done to her, starting slowly and letting the tension between us build. Each move ripples between us, a union of push and pull. Timidly she tests her tongue, and of course I allow her, parting my lips. Hers finds mine and she carefully tests the motions, as our tongues weave with one another. When she pulls back; a breath needed, she is glowing, radiant and tinged with pride. I smile, she is doing oh so well, and so eager . She gulps and scans my body again, I can see her eyes pause on my chest, my breasts. There is hesitation, will she? A hand rises… but it falls back and she looks unsure. “Rae,” I say as softly as I can, “It’s okay, don't push yourself. We have time.” “Umm, right, right….” She still seems unsure, there must be too many things going through her mind. Too many choices. She needs some guidance, “How about we start small, let just start with the shoulder and above.” “But… but don’t…?” Oh god she is adorable… and has much to learn. “Trust me there is much we can do with just that.” I lock eyes with hers, “I will show you.” Her breath catches in her throat, “uhhhh, k, k, right. Shoulder…” I pull my gown farther and expose my left shoulder which causes her to freeze when she sees the exposed skin. Oh she is still so innocent. “Shoulder… uh… can I?” I nod. She swallows and warily places a finger on the skin, carefully running it along the surface. “O…kay…” She then leans in and places little kisses across the shoulder, yes that’s good, she slowly makes a trail to the base of the neck. The kisses grow more experimental as she goes, she varies the pressure, and the shape… and then she pauses after a few kisses move up the neck. “Can….” She is eyeing my neck like it is nectar, I know that look. “Yes.” “But I didn’t…? “Trust me, it will be good.” I can see she worries, but I know that whatever she is thinking is tame compared to what we have done in the past. She leans back, to the base of the neck again and then I feel her tongues touch and pull up along the neck… right to the jaw. “ Yeeessss! ” Finally! She pulls back looking surprised at my reaction. “ Good girl ,” I wink to her and she blushes fiercely. “Oh god… that wasn’t weird?” “Nonsense. I loved it, did you?” She nods timidly. “Excellent.” She seems a bit lost at what to do next, but I think she deserves a reward. “How about it’s my turn?” “Oh…” she says, and eagerly nods. I rise and push her back down to the mattress. She shivers in anticipation as I loom over her again. “Nothing below the shoulder,” I say to her again. She nods, “Let me show you what we can do then.” I lean in and mimic her previous action, I run my tongue up along her neck to the jaw and she gasps. I love the taste, so I do it again but slower and she whines. “See, it’s lovely isn’t it?” “Fuck…” “Language Rae.” I place a finger on her lips and smirks as she whines some more. It will be more fun if she thinks she has to hold that back. I take a third lick, but this time my path is further back along the neck and makes way for her ear, she swears again as I lick the lobe, very surprised by her reaction. I’m not . I start to circle my tongue on the lob of her ear, playing with it till she writhes beneath me. After enough teasing I nip on the lobe and she moans and I carefully ply pressure- The sound of the door unlocks and swings open. Hells damnit! Catherine? This better be important. She knows we… “Catherine, go away.” Rae feels like she has turned to stone, I really don’t want to look away, but… as Rae would say the mood is killed. “Um Claire…” It’s Catherine, as expected. “Catherine, can’t I just have some time to properly ravage my girlfriend?” I'm being quite curt but- There is sharp frantic tapping on my shoulder from Rae, she is panicking now. I hear a laugh. …That’s not Catherine? “Manaria? Really now?.” There is another new voice scolding the laugh, and she sighs. “Claire?” The voice wants answers. No… it can't… Not like this… “Claire please turn around…” Rae whispers. I feel my blood run cold. After what feels like eons, I manage to turn. Catherine is there… looking very apologetic, and Sister Manaria is there, with a much too pleased smirk on her face. And… the last person, looking at me very intently, standing tall, with long blonde hair, curled just like I used to. “Mother?” my voice cracks miserably. “Girlfriend?” She heard… She heard… It wasn’t supposed to be like, not in the middle of me acting like a lustful siren. I wasn’t supposed to be seen in near undress, a gown falling off my body, Rae ravaged and bruised by my teasings. I was supposed to be ready. I’m not ready! What am I going to say to her? What can I say to her? How do I explain this? What can I eve- “Claire, are you okay?” Rae pockets my hand pulling me out of the spiral. “I said we-” “Everyone out.” My mother, Melia Francois, says with authority. Oh god, I am ruined. Catherine pushes Manaria out the door, not willing to argue with Mother. Rae just moves forward, acting as a barrier. “Oohashi?” Mother asks. “Yes….?” “I want a moment to talk to my daughter alone.” Rae just tightens her position around me. Mother sighs, “I’m not… upset, I just need to talk to her. I’m sorry for… meeting like this. Please just let me talk to her.” Rae turns to me, “Are you going to be okay?” “No!” Oh god, a sob breaks out, I’m crying. How long have I been crying? “I…I…” “Claire, Claire, it’s okay, I’m here. It’s okay.” “But… But…” Mother’s voice, “Claire…” She is above me, and I have to look up. It’s almost nostalgic… “Claire… I’m sorry, please can we just talk. I’m not mad.” But I said… She leans over and engulfs me in a hug, “It’s okay my dear, you can cry…” “How…?” “Shhhh.” “I…I…” I’m a sobbing mess. It doesn't want to stop. What have I done, this is wrong, I should have sought her out already. When I finally calm down, Rae is holding my hand, and Mother is holding me a tight hug. “Are you okay Claire?” Rae asks softly. I just nod weakly. “Oohashi, can I have a moment now?” Mother asks her softly. Rae looks to me, asking. “It’s… It will be fine Rae…” Mother has pulled back, and Rae takes the chance to lean and give me a hug herself. “I’ll be just out there, kay?” I nod, and she reluctantly pulls away. There is a short look she shares with mother, but otherwise she quickly makes her way out too. And it’s just me… And Mother. “Claire.” I can’t believe she is here… she looks so much like I remember her, but so different. Her clothes are all wrong, she is wearing a

36_3

suit… “So… that is your girlfriend?” She speaks in a different language now, but I can understand it. “Yes…” I answer back. She smiles, “She is lovely.” “Yes…” “Can… you tell me about her?” She asks softly, her hand strokes the back of my hand, I can’t cry again. “Her name is Rae… Oohashi. I met her… I just met her a couple weeks ago. We just started dating.” Do I…? “Oh?” She remarks. I have to swallow the lump in my throat, “I love her.” Mother has such a conflux on her face, is it confusion? Disbelief, relief? “I love her.” “Claire, what happened?” She knows… “Mother?” “...mother?” “I… I mean…I, I-” She knows I’m wrong. “Claire, please look at me.” She says with an authority I haven’t heard in a long time. Her eyes are scrutinizing me, it takes all I have to not wither under it. “I’m sorry,” Oh god my voice is trembling again. “I don’t know- I-I” “Claire, take a breath, it’s okay.” I try to do as she says. “Good. Claire, you changed.” It’s not a question. She knows. I’m not her Claire. I’m not her daughter. “Can you tell me why?” Can I? “I don’t know…” “Claire, you have shown more breadth of emotion in the last ten minutes to me than you have shown me in the last decade and half. Whatever it is, it’s not bad.” “But… I’m not… I’m not…” “Not what?” “Your Claire…” There is a long silence. She doesn’t say anything, I don’t know what she is thinking, she just waits for me to continue. “The… The last time… the last thing… I’m a different Claire.” “Different?” “I don’t know how t-to explain it. I woke up different.” “And Mother?” “I… umm?” “You never called me mother before.” “Because that’s what I called you, this me, not that Claire.” “That Claire? What do you mean?” “The last time I saw, was the last time I saw. You died… I said I hated you because I was six and mad at you and then you died and-and–d-d I-I-I, I’m sorry.” I grab her and hold her tight. “I never meant it, I hated myself for it, and your here now and I’m not your Claire and It’s not what happened here and- “Sssshh, Claire…” She rocks me as she holds me back, “Claire, it’s alright, breathe… breathe...” I do my best to follow her instructions. I feel like an intruder. Eventually the rocking slows, “Claire, let me try… We talked just over a month and half ago.” I shake my head. “Not for me.” “Not for you… you were six?” “Yes.” “Claire, do you remember any of your therapy sessions?” “No, you don’t understand-” “Sometimes when pain is great we repress that pain.” “What are you saying?” “Claire you might have suppressed yourself, I don’t know- “I haven’t!” “Claire-” “I haven’t! I can’t explain it… Mother I can’t lie to you, please believe me. I remember an old life in a different world. Things went very differently there.” Is that pain, concern on her face? “That's how I know Rae, I… we lived a life together. I grew old.” “Claire-” “The me here never talked to her before, but I woke up here and I knew her. I knew everything about her, because she was in the reverse position before. She told me everything about her life here.” “She believes you?” “And so does Catherine.” She… she doesn’t believe me… “I know that Clement Arachrd is responsible for the accident. It happened in my past life as well… father was the one who survived.” “Dole…” That catches her off guard but I can't tell if it's helping or not. “Did Catherine tell you about that?” There is the authoritative tone again. “No.” It’s hard to be composed under her watch. “Father was kind, clever but shortsighted. He had a terrible habit of putting duty before everything and was ready to march off to his death for that duty, but Rae saved us both. And… and he… we lived out our life peacefully afterwards. He was a good father and we both missed you so much. He spoiled me so much a child and… when Rae and I had children he spoiled them just as much. He loved them and I had to argue with him so often to not spoil them so… He always missed you. He said you were his sun and moon…” Mother glances at the window. Does she… Eventually she shuts her eyes and sighs. “Mother… I’m sorry I stole her life-” “You’re still you Claire, you didn’t steal anything.” “You don’t believe me?” “I don’t think you are lying.” “But you think I’m…” “I don’t know Claire.” She sighs again and gives another hug. “Claire, I will love you no matter what. Please know that.” I try to say yes but have to choke down a cry. When she pulls away, she wipes away a few tears herself. I understood my Father so well, but there is so much about Mother… “I want to know you too, Mother.” She smiles, “I’d like that too Claire, I’d like to know you too.” Oh god, I am a mess, my vision is so blurred and my eyes must be so red. “We’ll figure this out Claire.” I know one thing at least. Being with Mother feels safe. Oh god. Oh god. Ohgodohgodohgod- “Please calm down Rei-san” Catherine chides me, like she isn’t just as nervous. “Soooo… Caught red-handed?” Great… I have no idea who this other person is. “Manaria, please… can we not?” Catherine is not ready to put up with her it seems. “Oh but this is rather funny isn’t it, so who are you that Claire-” “Manaria. Please leave her alone.” Catherine stares her down. She pouts, before smirking. She is taller, the name is somewhat familiar, I am pretty sure Claire and Catherine must have mentioned her at some point? She has platinum hair cut in a short bob. I suppose she is handsome. I don’t know if I like the attitude… but I am also in the middle of freaking out. “Fine, Fine… Either way, I am Manaria Sousse. I am sorry our meeting was under such… tense circumstances.” She smiles and offers her hand. “Oohashi, Rei Oohashi. Likewise.” I try to return the shake politely. I feel very exposed in Claire's sleepwear right now… God, I wish I had a chance to change before coming out. That feeling only gets worse as the minutes drag. Manaria decides to keep to herself thankful and pulls out her phone. Hey eyes do occasionally filter up. Catherine and I are just stressing out here.. “They sure are talking…” I whisper to Catherine. “Yah…” “Do you think…?” “....” “You don’t think she will…?” Catherine swallows, she doesn’t look like she has much faith that Claire can keep it a secret. Oh god what if her mom thinks she is crazy or something? Is she going to get sent somewhere? The waiting is the worst, oh fuck… should I just go in? What would I even do? What can I even do? Fuck I feel useless. You're going to fail Claire because you should be in there and not out here . Fuck it, I’m just going to go- The door finally opens slowly, and I can see Claire and her mom there. Claire has changed out of her sleepwear, into day clothes and her eyes are red and puffing. She looks at me and smiles weakly. Okay… that’s… not the worst I think. “Oohashi? Catherine. How about I have a word with you two now?” There isn't much room for compromise in her voice. Catherine looks pale, god neither of us are good right now. At least she nods. “It’s okay.” Claire’s voice is hoarse. “You okay?” I have to ask. She nods, and moves out into the hallway. “Come on girls.” Claire’s mom says and motions us inside. So we follow as she guides us to the sofas and takes a seat on the opposing piece. I feel like I am on trial right. Okay, two likely scenarios: She is going to grill me, one reason or another. Either for being caught in bed with her daughter. Or Claire spilled the beans and told her about that… Fuck I don’t know how to deal with either! Fuck what if it’s both. “Please girls, just relax. I just need to ask you some questions.” I share a look with Catherine. What are we going to do? “Ummm, so Mademoiselle Francois- “Please Catherine, Relax. Melia is fine.” “Right… um, Melia, what did you want to ask us?” “Well Claire told me something, and she said the two of you believe her.” She lets the statement hang in the air. That’s vague but very telling if Claire did say something. Is she fishing for more information, or did Claire tell her everything? “Well, do you believe her?” She asks us. We both pause… fuck it. “Yes.” I say it first. “Yes?” Claire’s mom feels like an inve

36_4

stigator. “Yes.” I repeat. She is studying me very carefully. God this is excruciating. “And what would that be?” Catherine responds first, “What did she tell you?” “Something that is very hard to believe.” Well Claire didn’t get her poker face from her mother. “Ummm what's hard to believe?” I try to back up Catherine. She sighs, “Girls, do you think I wouldn't notice my daughter acting like a completely different person?” Neither of us have a response to that. “Oohashi?” “Ye-ah?” “When did you meet my daughter for the first time?” A lifetime ago… “Just… over two weeks now.” “So why do you believe my daughter when she says is a different person?” “I, umm? What are-” “Look I can tell you two aren’t going to be forthright if I hide all the cards. Claire told me she has different memories, of another life and she insists they are real. She said the two of you believe her and I need to know why that is the case.” She leans in, layering on extra pressure, “So Oohashi, what did she say to you to make you believe her?” Claire really did tell her? Like an echo in my mind I hear Claire again, It’s okay . I take a breath, I have to have some faith in her. “I do believe her.” Claire’s Mother’s brow rises, I am to continue. Oh god. I can do this. Claire needs me. “Okay, Kay, Kay… so we were in class just one day… and she came up to me and just started talking to me… like she knew me, cause she did. It was wild. Not everything was right, because I guess she was used to the other version of me but when she realized what was going on… that she wasn’t where she thought she was, she started putting it together and trying to explain it to me. I thought she was fu- umm, playing a cruel joke at first but then she started dropping names that she had no way of knowing because I never saw her before we shared a class… she knew things about me from middle school. Things I didn’t really tell anyone except my closest friends…” “Would that happen to include being… gay?” Her tone is very neutral. Oh god… I can’t tell if this is a landmine. Fuck. Catherine? Please give me a look… anything! Fuck it. For Claire. “Yes.” “What else did she know?” She doesn’t linger, I can’t tell what that means, but I can’t really afford to get stuck on it either. She needs something more concrete. Okay, Misaki, time to help us again. Sorry. I pull out my phone and find an old photo of him… and I show it to Claire’s mom. “This is Misaki. He was a friend from middle school.” “He?” I understand the tone. He doesn’t exactly look like a he. “Yes, He . Misaki was… is trans…” fuck… “He was born wrong… and he couldn't be who he w-wanted to be… it’s been almost th-three years…” Fuck I hate explaining this. “And umm, she knew. She called him h-him… no one really knew except a few of us. It didn’t even really make much news, it was just a small shitty article that no one saw. It misgendered him. His parents kept calling him a girl, even on his grave…” I stare at my knees, my hands are gripping my legs and I see a few tears fall down. Fuck I hate this so- She is kneeling beside me and hugs me, gently. Fuck… I… “It's okay, Let it out.” So I do. It’s so unfair. I feel like shit, I don’t know what to make of this feeling. Am I terrible for bringing up Misaki to convince Claire’s mom? Would Misaki hate me for it? Be fine with it? I’ll never know. That’s the worst fucking part. I’m not sure how long it takes for me to compose myself once again but when I do Claire’s mom aligns me back and gives my arms a gentle squeeze, looking right into my eyes. She looks so kind. She looks so much like Claire. Oh god she looks too much like Claire. Fuck I’m so useless- “So…?” Catherine draws our attention. She can tell, fuck, she doesn’t look impressed. It’s not my fucking fault Catherine that she looks so much like her daughter. “Yes?” At least Claire’s mom isn’t noticing my gay panic, or if she is, she isn't saying anything. Fuck, just give me a bone already. Can I just not jump from one extreme to the next? “Well, convinced?” “You told her about your father.” Claire’s mom just says in response. “We talked about it, she knew.” “And you never told her about it before?” “Have you… when? She never talked to me before!” Catherine loses her composure for a second. “Sorry, look, we never talked… before this. At least not since… we were kids. And even then…” Claire’s mom sighs and shakes her head. “You believe her?” “Yes.” Catherine says without any hesitation. “And you don’t think it could be something else. That she is dissociating? She could be repressing? Amnesia?” “That was years ago, why now?” Catherine counters. “And there is no way she could have known… it’s not just that… she knows so many things about me… she even knew the type of fan fiction I was writing…” “What?” Catherine says, taken off guard. I can’t tell if it sounds judgey or confused. “Maybe, but I haven’t ruled out that you two are lying on her behalf.” “If you think I made up-” “Oohashi” The mom voice interrupts me again, “I don’t believe you made that up, but please let me ask my questions first. Catherine, one last time. You never told her about Clement Archard before?” “No.” Catherine says assuredly. “How did she convince you to finally replace your leg after I spent years trying to do the same. “Oh… well she didn’t give me a choice.” … “Fine, I also felt guilty… she… it's complicated. When it first happened…” Catherine groans and puts her face into her hands. After taking a breath she composes herself and tries again. “The day it happened she came with Rei-san. She… a few days before she needed a sixth girl for a mixer, and I didn’t want to go but I did... For her. And it was miserable, she disappeared so quickly once we showed up and left me there alone, it was too loud and rowdy and at one point I got pushed and fell down, it messed up my leg and I had to limp back on my own. She ignored me for the next few days until that day and she came in all bright, cheery, happy to see me and she tried to tell me but I got so mad at her and I nearly walked out because I thought she was just trying to get out of apologizing or I don’t know, it didn’t make any sense and I was really mad… but then Rei told me and I listened to her… and we talked. I snapped at her and then she… s-she’s happy now Melia…” Catherine's voice just dies and the room gets quiet. Catherine’s eyes start to water. For the first time Claire’s mother also looks fragile. “I don’t want to r-ruin it…” Catherines voice wavers. Claire’s mom leans down to Catherine and engulfs her in a hug. “I’m sorry Catherine. I thought this would be good for you two, that it would help… I’m so proud of you.” I can’t see Catherine, but I can hear soft crying. I feel like an outsider. Catherine’s arm squeezes tightly around Claire’s mom. “I’m happy you were here for her. And I’m happy she convinced you to take the new leg, you deserve it.” “It’s too nice…” Claire’s mom just hushes her gently, rocking them both. Soon they unwind, and Claire’s mom returns to her original seat. She finally looks more unguarded. Tired, confused. “I was not ready for this.” She says after shaking her head. “I wonder what Dole would make of this…” “So…” Catherine tries once more. Claire’s mom shakes her head again. “I don’t know… it sounds ridiculous… too convenient. Finding you Oohashi… a past life?” “I don’t know, maybe it's some weird alternate reality thing? Another dimension?” Oh god they are both staring at me. Catherine definitely thinks i’m an Idiot, I’m not sure about Claire’s mom… “Rei was it?” Oh god… “YeS?” “I wish we might have met under… under less strenuous circumstances. I believe Claire when she says she loves you, but she is also in a… precarious situation. I need to know you wont take advantage of her-” There is a loud snort, and Catherine’s hand swipes up to cover her face. It scrunches, and she isn’t able to keep a straight face. Wow . “Is something funny about this Catherine?” There is the mom voice again. She snorts a little and tries to calm down. “I really don’t think you have to worry about that. She’s so whipped.” “Hey!” CATHERINE. Catherine laughs, not even bothering to try to cover it anymore. “Sorry, sorry but Claire has been dragging her everywhere for the last two weeks. Rei is at Claire’s mercy.” Claire’s mom does not

36_5

look amused, and Catherine makes a legitimate effort to rein it in. “I see.” “Umm for what it’s worth I understand your concern. I really want to help her… and this has been really fast but I umm…”, I can’t say I love her, that’s insane. I mean I am willing to accept that I am insane. I do love Claire, I’m an idiot and crazy, but I'm not stupid. “I really care for her. I know how hard this is going to be for her and I have been doing everything I can to help bring her up to speed and learn everything that differ-” “What?” “Huh…?” “Bring her up to speed…” There is a pregnant pause, and Claire’s mom’s eyes go wide, “Don’t tell me…” Fuck FUCK I fucked up, oh god she didn’t think about that. “Yes Claire is missing a lot of knowledge…” Catherine voices, it feels like she is realizing the landmine I just stepped on too. “But we have been teaching her everything…” Oh god this is going to be the thing that ruins it isn’t it? Claire’s mom blinks. “But she was speaking perfect french with me?” “Uhh, yah I’m not sure what’s up with that. I think she knows more languages now?” Catherine says, wait really? “Huh?” I… I knew she was french… but I never really thought about the ramifications beyond that. But like how was that going to come up… it’s not like I was speaking anything but Japanese… “Is there anything else she remembers?” Nothing from this life as far as I could tell. Catherine doesn’t say anything else. “Merde…” That… she doesn't sound thrilled… “She’s been picking it up really fast-” She puts a hand up silencing me, “This conversation needs Claire now… give me a moment. This is only getting more and more complicated and Manaria does not need to be here for it.” She gets up and moves to the door. Fuck. I fucked up. “Hey… she would have realized it sooner than later.” Catherine says. God I don't want to lose Claire.

43_1

Wow. “There’s so many people here.” The building housing the event looks large, and even now before the event is set too open many people are gathered and milling about. I think I can even spot some costumes already. Is that person green ? “Uhh, yah these can get pretty big, I think the last one I was at was bigger?” “Really?” “Yah, but this is def on the big side. This should be good for Shiko. You ready to work?” Rae is doing a pat down of herself, her usual check to make sure she has everything. “I think so, it just in- Wait what is that?” I can’t help but jump at what looks like a monster, or wait is that knight with bug eyes? “Hrmm? Oh that’s Kamen Rider, it’s an old Sentai, well not really a Sentai I think but same thing.” “Sentai?” “It's a show about heroes in suits, they fight monsters. It’s kinda… err cheesy?” She strikes an absurd pose, hmm, I’m quite sure I have seen her do that before. “Wait this is what costumes are like, oh goodness that person has wings?” There are even more costumes on display over there past the crowd. Rae snorts, “Yah, people go hard on the costumes.” “How do people afford such extravagant costumes? These must cost a small fortune.” Rae just chuckles a little more, “Some might be a bit expensive, but most people just make them themselves, it’s probably not anywhere as expensive as you imagine Claire. People are just good and resourceful at it. They make them from pretty normal things, and do a good job of making it look as good as it is. Like that armor is not going to like actually stop anything if that’s what you were thinking.” “Oh, that is really quite impressive. Oh there are more over there, amazing. Then these are all characters from something right? A show, manga or game?” “Yah, I mean sometimes people do original costumes, but most of the time it’s not though. People like popular characters, you know? Like it’s fun when people know who you are. We might even see some people do the Persona characters today.” “Oh! Really?” That's exciting. Her eyes glimmer, “Yah, I’ll point it out, there are a lot of party members you haven’t seen yet, there is still Yusuke, Makoto, Futaba and Haru to find. And I guess Sumire too, sorta.” “Oh, that many… I didn’t realize. Wait, were those the people at the beginning of the game. From the casino?” “Yah, don’t worry we will see them soon, once you get through the first palace. I think you’ll get there next time we play.” “We should play again tomorrow for a bit then, I’m not sure when. I am to have lunch with Manaria tomorrow.” Cutting into my Rae time. “Oh, yah, sure. I should be good whenever. Hey look.” Rae gestures to a group of people and- “IS THAT FALIN AND MARCILLE?” Oh goodness, they look so spot on, I can’t believe it. They have taken the art and turned into a reality. They look so cute. I can see Rae grin, even behind the mask, “Want to ask if we can take their picture?” “Oh we can do that?” “If we have permission, yes.” “Yes, oh goodness they look so good.” I let Rae lead me to them, and there is the rest of the group as well in the crowd. Laios, Chilchuck and Senshi. They are talking to a girl… she has cat ears? And a tail? That can't be real? “Hey, would you mind if we take a picture, my friend just started reading.” “Hi, Of course, go for it, just let us pose.” The Laios says, oh this is so wonderful. The group organizes and gets into a pose, that includes the cat girl… is she a character I haven’t seen yet? Rae starts taking a few pictures with her phone, oh right, I can do that too. I love this phone. I start taking a few pictures as well of the whole group but it's obvious I am favoring Falin and Marcille rather quickly. After taking quite a few, the Falin speaks up to me. She tilts her head and her eyes are nearly closed, oh she is really good at her mannerism, “Are you a shipper?” “I beg your pardon?” Where have I heard that before? “Shipping is liking two characters together, relationship, ship. And yah, she likes Farcille.” Rae says. “Oh! That’s why you came up with Relaire?” Rae blushes behind her mask, “Aaaa, yah? Hahaha.” I can’t help but grin, it’s delightful tracing back all her eccentricities to this life. The Falin smiles, “Great, here.” She leans in and places a kiss on Marcille's cheek, ohhh. “You can take a picture.” “Oh right, sorry this is new to me.” I take a few more photos, oh they look so cute. “Thank you so much.” “No problem, enjoy the event you two.” The Marcille giggles and they wish us off, and soon they are posing for other people to take pictures. “We should start making our way to Shiko’s booth before it gets really busy.” Rae starts directing us to the building entrance. “What? It’s going to get busier?” “Oh yah, it’s still early, here put this around your neck, it’s our pass. We will probably see more Dungeon Meshi cosplay too. I wonder if anyone is going to do Dragon Falin. That would be a hard one but sooooo cool.” Rae tiptoes to look over the crowd a bit better in front of the entrance. “More people might be cosplaying her too?” “Oh yah, it’s pretty popular. Don't sweat it, you’re new to this but you can pick what it’s like pretty fast after today I think..” “I… okay, Let me know if I do anything rude or untoward. Who was the last girl in that group? Was she a cat person?” “Oh yah, that was Izutsumi. You will see her quite soon, I think you have seen her in fact. It just wasn’t obvious.” “Oh… is it also popular to… ship characters? Did I say that right?” Rae nods very eagerly. “Yah, that was right, and yes it’s popular, I think Farcille is the most popular ship of the series. God bless Kui-sensei for it.” What? “Sorry, Ryoko Kui, she’s the mangaka, that’s author and artist. I just love her stuff. It’s so queer coded and ND.” “Oh.., I see, It has been really good, it’s just getting harder to pace myself.” “Oh you are so lucky to be able to read it all at once, maybe? I was reading it one chapter at a time when it was releasing. It was agonizing when Falin disappeared again, and then again when she showed up. Chapters only came out once a month, which is normal but gOd the wait…” “Oh, that’s interesting, we didn’t have anything like that. A book would be released as a whole if it was made.” Rae leads me through the crowd to enter the building. “Hmm, makes sense, some stuff releases like that still. Okay, just follow my lead, they need to check us in.” Rae finds a shorter line on the side, and some staff check us over and guide us to the venue hall. It’s full of stands, tables, and improvised walls for hanging stuff on. It looks like many are still in the process of setting up. Thankfully Rae seems to know the way, so I just let myself take in the sights. Some stands have art on hanging, some look to have various goods, various knick knacks that I couldn’t even begin to place. I notice a fair few are setting up with books. Rae stops in front of a stand, it has a bunch of boxes littered about. It looks like some are in the midst of being unpacked, a large collection of thin paper books being set up for display. “Shiko?” Rae calls. “Hmm?” A head pops up from behind a wall, “Oh hell yes, you two made it. Thank. God. These all need to be unpacked and set up. The boxes on the front can go on the table, but the boxes on the floor should stay on the floor but need to be set up so they can be accessed easily. Can’t show those off unless people ask for them specifically. That’s the eighteen plus stuff.” This must be Shiko. She has messy long black hair, pulled in a loose tail, wearing sleek stylish spectacles. And a very toothy grin. She looks plainly dressed; except for a tee-shirt with yuri written on it in English, ready for work. “Hello, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Claire Francois.” I offer her my hand. She looks at me, pauses as she takes in my appearance, then grins again and shakes my hand. “Holy shit Rae, she is hot.” “SHIKO!” Rae beams red. Oh that is brazen. I think I like her. I can’t help but laugh. “It’s nice to finally meet you Shiko-san. I’ve heard a lot about you.” “You have?” Shiko eyes Rae. “Uhhhh, sorta?” Rae offers, “Look, we talk about stuff okay. But we can talk more once we

43_2

get this set up, you have only half an hour till the floor opens up.” “Fuck, your right. Okay, Rae, you start unpacking, Claire I’ll give you the rundown okay?” “Of course.” Shiko blazes through a description of the types of manga, or doujin she is selling. It’s an uneven split between original work and mostly fan work. There is a lot that’s mostly appropriate for casual viewing, and some that’s not. Those are risqué and stay under the table unless asked for. And I was not anticipating some of the more extreme ones. We were always… experimental in the bedroom, but honestly I could have never expected what was featured in some of Shiko’s more extreme works. She says they aren’t her favorites, but they are popular and always sell out. Really? Can’t say I understand that appeal, but I can’t really judge. It wouldn’t be fair, especially since people thought Rae and I were baseless deviants merely because both of us were women. Not that any of those rubes needed to know what we did in our own bedroom. Otherwise, Shiko’s works are quite varied, some are more wholesome and cute. Some seem to be quite dramatic at a glance. And most of the more explicit ones are more what I was expecting. Some of these even cater to some of Rae’s and my own tastes. The only collective thread is that they are all sapphic, they are all yuri. Honestly I’m intrigued. Shiko is obviously proud of her work, and she should be. “Okay, and no haggling prices, they go for what they are marked as, as we get close to the end of the day I might cut prices if we have a lot of stock left but I don’t think we will have that problem, any questions?” “I don’t think so, it’s fine that I’m not familiar with the works right?” “It should be fine, We won’t leave you alone, so you can always point customers at me, or Rae if I’m not around. We will take a few breaks, get some food and snacks etcetera, but one of us should be around at least so we won't leave you alone.” “Okay, right then I think I should be good, do you really think you will sell most of this? There must be a couple thousand books?” “Yah, I keep printing more, and I keep selling out. I’m a bit of a known quantity on the doujin scene and people always come by now. Especially when I have new stuff, and I do today. And people tend to pick up a bunch of books when they come by, they're not big right? A book can be ten, twenty, maybe fifty pages on the off chance. If you want any, feel free to take a copy now. Chances are good the hot stuff won't be left over.” “Are you sure? I can at least pay for it.” “Don’t you dare, you two saved me, and I’ve seen you eyeing them.” She wiggles her brow, It’s not like I was trying to hide it, unlike some other people. Bound certainly has caught my eye. It's aptly named and looks deviously fun.“Oh well thank you then, I am glad to help. Honestly this sounds like it will be fun.” “It’s going to be exhausting, but it’s usually enjoyable. I love getting to see people and fans in person, and I bet there is going to be sick cosplay on the floor. And you two can take a longer break together around lunch and walk the floor too if you want. I bet Rae wants to do that.” “I wouldn’t mind…” Rae says sheepishly. “Then we should, oh this will be exciting.” “ Attention, the floor will be opening in five minutes. Thank you.” A loud voice booms over what must be a speaker machine somewhere. An energy washes over the whole floor as everyone makes their last minute efforts to read themselves. “Shit, get ready.” Shiko flashes a toothy grin.

42

“Claire… you look a bit tired?” Rae has finally decided to comment on it after we made it to the train station. I can’t believe I was reading so late, I normally have better self control than this. Rae has dressed in her preferred hoodie, the one with the Persona logo. It looks well worn, the edges have slight fraying. I suspect it's her favorite with how often she has worn it now, I believe I should be able to mend it if needed. The only thing unusual about her appearance is a small mask covering the lower part of her face. She said she wanted to avoid being recognized. “I couldn’t stop reading… they just rescued Falin and then…” Mayhaps if we didn't have to leave so early I could have a few more minutes of sleep. At least this train station is mostly vacant. “Oh. Yah. And how far did you make it after that?” “I needed to know what happened to her… and then it was two in the morning…” “Oh… yeah? Where did you call it quits?” I swear Rae is vibrating. “They found Falin again…” There is a sharp intake from Rae, oh she is excited. “So you saw-” “Yes I saw Falin… Dragon?” Rae immediately explodes. “Oh god she looks so fucking cool and hot, it’s such a cool design and when she looks at you, oh god it’s like wow. I’m really gay. And the way Marcille looks at her, she’s so in love with her. You don't just risk your life and delve deep into a dungeon and perform dark magic for anyone. I don’t think she realizes it yet but I think Falin knows, at least instinctual. Maybe? God they are so gay and then when she pulls her shirt apart… uhh… sorry I’m rambling aren’t.. I?” She shies after the outburst, oh goodness she is adorable. “No, no no, I think you're right. I didn’t notice it at first but then Manaria made a comment about it, and then it’s really obvious like you said. And they really do feel meant for one another. I think I would have noticed after they shared a bath I think, I really wish she didn’t ruin that for me.” “Manaria?” “Yes, my cousin from… well not Sousse, I don’t actually know where she is from. She was with my Mother. She called me last night.” “Oh her. ” Ah yes, barely a meeting and her disdain is there. “Did she say something to you? She didn’t try to… seduce you, did she?” Rae snorts, “Excuse me? Seduce me?” “Yes!, I don’t know, did she say something weird to you?” “Wait… what? You're being serious, did something happen… before?” “Ummm… No?” “What, no seriously what happened?” Rae is not letting it go. “It was complicated, we were still trying to figure out our relationship and she made it more complicated. She ultimately helped us I think, but I’m feeling less forgiving about it now.” “It sounds like there is an ‘and’ in there?” Curses, she is perceptive. “She was always interested in you back then, for a while. And you never really liked her. But it’s not going to be like that now. We're talking and being honest about our feelings this time.” I'm not letting us go through that again. “She was into ME? What? How?” Why does she sound so surprised? “Rae, in case you have forgotten I am also into you. Many people are into you if you haven’t noticed.” “What? No, no one is into me, I’m… not… cute or sexy-” “Yes you are, You are very handsome , cute and very sexy .” Her blush is evident, even with the mask on. “You're just saying that…” “Because I think so, and so do other people. You even told me Shiko had a crush on you.” “I… I did? We were kids still, that doesn’t count!” “You were a teenager, and of course it counts. And if Manaria ever says anything, remember you are mine , understand?” She gulps, and I can see her shiver. I pull her closer to me, and whisper close to her ear. I love the effect I have on her. “Do you like that, Rae? When I call you mine , and only mine ?” She whines, “Claire… we are in public…” “No one is around, and no one heard you before in case you forgot when you went on about Falin.” I whisper again, and nod to the area around us. There is only one other person here, and they look to have… headphones was it? “No one could hear us, even if I wasn’t whispering.” She gulps and I place a hand on her waist, a bit of control to turn her more to me. “Rae, do you like it when I call you mine ?” She squirms in my hold, “Yes! Of course I do. Of course you know that. Of course you know what a freak I am.” That… is she upset? I’m doing it again. “Rae, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Do you not want me to-” “No, I do like it… I just… I don’t know, I’m just nervous, I’m not used to this and… it catches me off guard, I…” “Rae it’s okay, you can always tell me no.” She still looks unsure, “I don’t want to tell you no…” “But you should, it’s okay. Really.” I can see a rebuttal try to form, but she shuts it down. I let her go finally, she is free again, “Is it okay if I say things like that, call you mine?” “I think so…?” “How about if I do it only in private.” “I… okay?” She nods her head slowly. “Private is good… I think.” “Okay, I will have it my way in private then.” “That’s what she said.” She looks shocked that she just said that, but I can’t help but grin and laugh. And soon she is joining in. “I can’t believe I said that.” “Oh, I can.” It’s good to see her relax a little. There is a chime that plays overheard, an announcement for the incoming train. “Looks like our train is here Claire, ready to ride your first train.” “With you , always.” Rae blushes and groans again. But I can see her smile under the mask.

10_1

“So what’s the deal with that Oohashi-san?” Loretta asks. She can’t help but be annoyed, it seems. She certainly has made her dislike of Rae known over the last couple days. And it’s not like Rae has made much of an effort to help alleviate that dislike, either. Some things never change. The girls had dragged me to a nicer restaurant for lunch, despite my protests that it wasn’t necessary. I told them the cafeteria was fine but they seemed offended by the idea. Well, at least Pepi did—Loretta probably wouldn’t have said anything. At least it means that I get to see a bit more of the city. “Oohashi-san is my tutor, and a stellar one at that.” I try to keep my tone neutral, factual. “Since when do you need a tutor, Francois-chan?” Pepi inquires archly. “My grades have not been in a good state lately. It would be shameful for a Francois to allow that to continue.” A truth is easier to sell than a lie. Pepi just hums, clearly not content with the answer. “Why didn’t you just ask me for help?” Loretta says, quite exacerbated. But asking Loretta would be…. well . Pepi laughs, and Loretta pouts at her. “Loretta-chan, she wants to improve her grades.” There is a sly grin on her face. “ Still , why is this the first we are hearing about it? And we didn’t see you at the party last night, either.” “Well, I was studying last night.” Pepi blinks three times. She can be so melodramatic. “ Seriously ?” Come on now, even at my worst I valued my education. “What is going on with you? It even sounds like you’re talking differently!” I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I might be able to fool Loretta, but not Pepi. I sigh. “Would you believe me if I said I changed?” Pepi does not look convinced. This is getting frustrating. “Maybe I just fell in love.” The girls fall silent. I…should not have said that, as true as it might feel to me. But maybe I can make it work for this version of me, a princess awoken from slumber by true love. I might be able to weave a convincing enough tale. I hope. “But Claire-chan, weren’t you already…interested in Bauer-san?” Loretta voices her confusion, face scrunching as she puzzles it out. Thane again…I have to be careful to not roll my eyes. “No, not really. Bauer-san is a lovely gentleman, but now that I have truly fallen for someone else what I felt for him simply does not compare.” “Who?”both girls ask in unison. Loretta looks upset, while Pepi just looks suspicious. “If I tell you girls, I need you to know that I can’t stress the confidentiality of it enough. I trust you, but I need you to understand that.” Loretta just eagerly nods, and Pepi is apprehensive. “Please, Pepi-chan. I might need your help.” She relaxes a bit and sighs. “Fine, Claire-chan, we won’t tell anyone.” “Thank you. I have already told her about my feelings, but it’s been rather sudden for—” “HER!” Loretta chokes and looks completely shattered and upset. I can’t help but think of when I would tell the twins they weren’t getting a dessert. “No…” Pepi says quietly the realization dawning on her face. How am I already losing control of this? “Yes, and I am trying to not—” “Oh. My. God. Are you trolling that otaku?”—Trolling?—“It all makes sense now. Why didn’t I see it before? Of course , Claire-chan. We will help you with whatever you need. What are you going to do to her?” Oh no, not this again. “HER!” Loretta chokes out again, now realizing who Pepi means. “Why her?” She sounds like she is about to cry. I don’t understand why she is so upset. “Good question, why her and not someone else…” Pepi mumbles while looking between the two of us, completely unamused. What is she talking about? There must be something I am missing. She shakes her head, “No, Loretta-chan, she is going to dunk on that Otaku.” More slang, but given the tone I don’t think I need an explanation. “Oh!” Loretta perks up instantly. “What are we going to do to her?” There is a dangerous energy building between the girls. “Girls—” “I bet she’s going to reject her in front of the entire class!” “That'll teach her for staring like a creep all the time!!” “I bet it’ill make her cry! She might even stop coming to classes, which would totally serve that les—” “STOP!” Both of them freeze. “I am being sincere. I am not bullying her!” Loretta and Pepi slowly turn to face me. Silence hangs over the table. It seems the very idea that I might be interested in Rae has rendered them speechless. Was this Claire truly so callous? Would I have gone down such a path If I never found Rae? “I love her.” Loretta is the first to act. She looks like she is about to cry, or worse. Heavens, why is she so upset over this? “I don’t understand…” She mutters. “Who are you?” Pepi asks, finally recovering. Her tone carries worry and suspicion. “I don’t know, I changed. I woke up.” I sound more confrontational than I mean to. Loretta looks confused. Pepi’s suspicion does not ebb away. I sigh. “Look, you two knew I wasn’t happy, right? Be honest. I was insecure, miserable and burdened with expectations. I was wrong about who I thought I wanted to be, and I understand that better now. After meeting Rae everything just makes sense. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living up to the flawed idea I had when I was a kid of who I was supposed to be. I want to be better and I know I can be when I’m with her.” “But…just last week you were…” Pepi is at a loss for words. “I’m not that person anymore. I had a breakthrough.” It’s not a lie, but that breakthrough did happen a lifetime ago. “People don’t just change so suddenly…this is insane.” I can’t blame Pepi for her hesitation. Any way I spin this, I am going to seem dramatically different. “Yeah, last week all you were talking about was Bauer-san, and you tried so hard to be alone with him at that mixer.” Even Loretta is resistant to the idea. “Would it make it easier if I said something fanciful, like I woke up with memories of a past life? I figured my shit out.” I hate the casual swearing, even if it hardly seems taboo here, but I have to do something to help sell my point. I am skirting dangerously close to the truth, but hopefully the outlandish notion makes this truth easier to swallow. Pepi laughs. Thank God, at least that is a good start. “Fine, you don’t have to make up some anime crap.” Anime? That sounds familiar for some reason. Oh, Rae mentioned it, of course. Pepi finally relaxes a little bit. She’s not completely back to normal but it's a start. I reach across the table and grab both of their hands. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but I don’t want to pretend that I am someone I am not, now that I understand who I really am. You're still my friends, and I don’t want that to change.” Loretta blushes and smiles warmly, and Pepi smiles too. “ Fine , but I’m still going to be judgey about your taste in…well, women. Never thought you would be…” Pepi trails off, uncomfortable saying the word. She wants to say gay, I can hear it. But I’m not, and if it wasn’t for Rae being worried I would be happy to announce my identity to everyone. “Queer. I’m bi.” “I would have never guessed. I've never met someone…queer before.” Loretta says quietly. Pepi’s attention snaps to Loretta with a painful grimace. She is clearly unimpressed with what Loretta just said. And it is a rather silly thing to say considering what I know about the two of them. “But aren’t the two of you…?” “... Huh?” Loretta responds, tilting her head quizzically. Oh my goodness, she has no idea. Oh no! Have I just— Thwack! I feel a swift strike to my shin and it’s all I can do not to yelp in pain. Pepi shoots me a murderous stare. Loretta still looks lost, searching between the of us for an answer but coming up empty. I rub my shin under the table. “Sorry, I must have kicked the table leg, please don’t worry about it, Loretta-chan.” I turn back to Pepi. I hope she can forgive me, it never even occurred to me that they wouldn’t be together. Oh, she is upset with me. At least Loretta has moved on. “Are you okay, Claire-chan?” “Yeah, Claire-chan. Are you okay ? How about the two of us go to the restroom and make sure you didn’t bruise

10_2

yourself too badly.” Pepi rises from her seat and all but drags me away from the table. Once we pass out of view she turns to me with a scowl. “What the hell!” “I’m sorry, I thought you two were already…or….I don’t know.” They were already dating by this age in the world I came from. This isn’t my fault ! “Us? US!? What are you talking about? Seriously? You think something is happening between us? She doesn’t even look at me! Have you seen how she acts around you, how she acted just five minutes ago?” Pepi is nearly pulling out her hair. For the life of me I can’t figure out what point she is trying to make. What does this have to do with Loretta? Pepi told me she fell for her first. She was the one who made the first move. “Loretta-chan? What are you talking about, you’re the one with a cr—?” I am silenced as she forces her hands over my mouth. “How did you figure that out and not figure out that Loretta has had a massive crush on you for like the past five years!” Pepi explodes, her eyes wide. I can feel the heat flush down my body. “Loretta has a what!?” I exclaim through her hands. Pepi groans and uncovers my mouth. “Oh my gooooood.” She buries her face in her hands. “Yes. I don’t think she even realizes it but she acts like a puppy around you. You could tell her to kill a man and she would, no questions asked.” Why am I only hearing about this now?! Has she….Oh God! Pepi, why did you never tell me? “What?!” “Oh good, you really haven’t been replaced by an alien. It’s still you.” The tension finally breaks as Pepi starts to laugh. I can’t help but bristle since she is laughing at me . How was I supposed to figure out that Loretta had, has, a crush on me ?! I do my best to glare at her, and she does try to stifle her laugh. But before long I’m laughing alongside her. “Oh goodness, I really can be dense, can’t I?” Pepi, more calm now, finally relents.“Sometimes you can be, and other times…” She shakes her head. Fine, I can accept that. “You should tell her.” Pepi frowns, clearly not fond of that suggestion. She turns away. “I don’t know how you figured that one out, Claire-chan.” To be fair, I didn’t. I just walked in on you two getting very familiar with each other’s lips. It wasn’t even news by that point either! I was just the last to know ! “I don’t either. Maybe it is post-revelation clarity?” She lets out a wry laugh. “Oh? Well whatever caused your big breakthrough, I doubt it will help with my situation. I can’t see that musclehead figuring it out anytime soon.” “Well, obviously . That’s why you have to tell her.” Pepi does not look convinced. “I think you two would be good for each other.” She rolls her eyes. “Just ‘cause the gay made you stupid and happy doesn’t mean…gah! Look, she doesn’t even think of me that way!” “She doesn’t think at all, Pepi! If you want something to happen, you will have to make the first move.” She groans. “Look, I don’t need your advice okay? Just be weird with your otaku girl toy or whatever and don’t breathe a word of this to her.” “Fine. I will acquiesce for now, as long as you don’t try anything funny with Rae,” I warn her. “Fine, it’s a deal.” Well. I had planned this to go better , but all things considered I think I handled that well. Mostly.

80_1

Rei and I retired early after the lovely dinner that Ai-san rescued from my eggshell fiasco. Ai-san was very eager to tell everyone how—in her words—amazing I am, though thankfully she didn’t mention my family background. Goodness, she is so kind, but I really think she went overboard with her praise. Rei was no help, either, as she took the opportunity to brag about me as well. My cheeks were pink by the time they were done. It does make me feel warm inside to hear Rei speak so proudly about me, though. I know she means it. Soon we will be leaving, and I will miss it here. Even if it’s only been a short time. Rei’s family is so warm and welcoming. We will need to visit again, many times. I hope they will be my future family too, after all. I won't miss how tight this bed is for the both of us, though. It’s not a problem when we’re actually sleeping, since we always seem to sleep curled tightly together, but when we are both reading it’s rather cramped. As well as when we are engaged in more…active pursuits in bed. Not only did we barely have enough room to move, but Rei couldn’t seem to keep her voice down. I suppose that is partly my fault. But speaking of reading, I am pleased to have finally finished Frankenstein. It has given me a lot to ponder. Not only because of its fascinating themes, but also because it was written by a woman long before women were commonly thought capable of doing such things. It’s no wonder that Mother included it in the essential material to learn about this world. I can already see its influences in other works, and perhaps the author’s influence on my mother. What an inspiration it is. I set the book down on the bedside table and stand up, stretching. Nature calls. “I’ll be back shortly, Rei. I just need to use the restroom.” I lean over to give her a kiss on the cheek. It’s easy to do given the cramped size of the bed She grins. “I’ll be waiting.” “Good.” Cramped or not, I have plans for Rei and this bed when I return. I just need to silence her first. The trip is short, and while I’m up I decide to get some water too. As I make the trip downstairs I can hear a groan from the living room that sounds like Rei’s brother Masao. He’s sitting on the sofa in the living room in front of the television. It looks like he is playing a game, as he’s gripping a controller tightly in his hand. He sighs. He is intently focused on whatever he is playing and doesn't seem to notice me. It seems everyone else has retired for the evening. I fetch a glass of water from the kitchen, and when I return I can see Masao is still tense and glaring at the screen. Is he playing a knight? It looks like he’s in the middle of a battle. The character at the center of the screen, which I assume Masao is controlling, rolls and dodges what looks like a massive magical arc from a sword swung by an impressive lady knight. Oh, I can’t help but be reminded of the skillful swordplay of the Sword God herself, Dorothea Nur. My daughter’s former teacher. Masao seems to be struggling. His opponent feints, and Masao takes the bait. He is eviscerated for his mistake, and his character falls to the ground. You Died flashes on the screen in large red letters as the scene fades to black. Masao groans again and slumps back in his seat on the sofa. The screen shifts to show Masao’s character by a bonfire. He grumbles and his character starts running. He weaves past what I assume are enemies—they swipe at him as he passes by but they all miss. After his short sprint he charges towards a door obscured by fog. He passes through and—oh, this is the arena where the battle I just watched took place. His opponent walks towards him and her title appears on the screen: Rellana, Twin Moon Knight. A worthy title for such a formidable foe. I start to identify other elements on the screen, such as health bars for him and his opponent. I believe Rei called it the “UI” when we were playing Persona. The music swells. Masao charges into the fight, immediately getting hit and then panicking and rolling desperately away before drinking something to restore his health. I watch the back and forth quietly as it turns into a battle of attrition. He tries to take swipes at the opponent and dart away quickly. Each hit only takes away a small amount of her health. She’s very strong. I think Rei calls these types of enemies bosses? But for each hit he makes, he seems to take at least a few himself. Rellana’s health is barely half gone, and he has drunk the last of whatever he was using to heal himself. He seems tense. I hope he can make it. You can do it. Rellana makes the same feint from before, though, and he falls for it again. He is taken by the second wide arc, which fills the screen with its power. He groans even louder this time, and the same message from before returns. You Died. He drops the controller to his side and runs his hands vigorously through his hair in frustration. I can't help but be reminded of when Rei gets frustrated and does the same thing. The scene plays out again. And again. And again. Masao is making slightly more progress with each attempt. Rellana's health gets a bit lower with each try, but he keeps making the same mistakes each time. Again. “She makes a follow-up swing after her first one. You always fail to account for it.” “Shit!” Masao exclaims, jumping and twisting around to face me. “Jeez, what the hell?” “You seem to be too eager to time your attacks properly, and your opponent is capitalizing on it.” “How long have you been there watching me?” “I lost track of how many attempts it was, but I found it fascinating.” “Ahh, jeez. Well, thanks for your advice.” He slumps back on the sofa and soon starts yet another trek towards the arena. “Apologies, I don’t mean to sound dismissive, but in any sword fight diligence and attentiveness when it comes to your opponent’s tactics is the difference between life and death.” “Okay?” I suppose this is just a game. Still. He doesn’t say much, just returns to the fight. Probably his worst attempt yet. “Ughh, didn’t think I would be doing this for an audience,” He huffs in a surly voice. “Mind if I sit down?” “Sure.” He’s pouting a bit. The sibling resemblance is uncanny. “What is the name of this game?” “Elden Ring. It’s very hard.” I have to stifle a laugh to avoid hurting his pride further. “It looks challenging. Your opponent seems very skilled. Though her style is rather showy. Even when using magic, it’s not the most practical way to fight.” “Umm? It’s a game. It’s not real.” “True, I was just observing. I’ve played a few games with Rei, but none like this one.” “So are you, like, an expert with swords or something?” He sounds curious. I imagine he’s probably never wielded a real sword. Aleah started studying the art of sword play when she was just six years old. Such a thing would never happen in this world, it seems. “Oh, no, not really. I’ve just…” Well, I often watched Aleah practice. “I often watched experts when I was younger. I suppose it was something of a hobby.” “Wow, rich hobbies are cool.” A good enough excuse. “So what is this game like? Is it just sword duels?” “It’s a lot of boss fights. It’s not all swords. There’s like a buncha of weapons. I just happen to have chosen the sword. And so has this bitch.” Masao makes another attempt at the fight. “Language.” You Died. He deserved that. “God, fuck me.” He curses under his breath. “Language.” “Narc.” He snickers. Sounds like he is calling me uptight. I suppose my ‘mom voice’ doesn’t work on him like it does on Rei. “But fine, whatever. Anyways, you can also go around exploring the world in this game, sometimes on a horse.” Masao takes a moment to explain before he starts running towards the arena once more. “Ooh, horse riding is fun.” “Wait, you mean like riding actual horses?” “What else would I mean?” He tilts his head towards the television. Ah, right. “Yes, real horses. Another rich hobby, I guess you would call it.” He shrugs his shoulders. “Whatever. So yeah, the point of the game is to explore, fight, and get better. Fight harder things. Get even better. Beat the game.” I can appreciate a challenge. “It sounds entertaining.” “And frustrating. Sometimes. What games has Rei played with you?” “She introduced me to Persona 5.” He nods his head. “But before that I hadn’t ever played any.” “Crazy. What world did you live in that you never played a video game before?” I can’t help but laugh at that. “A very different one. But I am here now. And playing games with Rei is quite fun.” Or just toying with Rei, no games required. “So you actually like her? Sis?” “Of course.” “She’s kind of a disaster.” It’s a blunt comment, but it’s teasing. Kind of like how

80_2

Catherine teases me. And how Aleah would tease May. “It’s cute.” “I guess she must have some crazy lesbian rizz.” I can’t help but smile, recognizing a word Rei taught me recently. She certainly does have a good amount of ‘rizz’. “She does. I’ve had to fend off quite a few rivals.” “Seriously? You’ve gotta be joking.” “I assure you that I’m not. It’s been infuriating.” Manaria, Lilly, Rod…and Lana. “She’s very charming.” “Okay, I guess I'll have to take your word for it. Damn, sis, way to go.” He sounds unconvinced. “Why do you sound so surprised? Do you not like your sister?” “Um, well like, sure…but she’s my sister. She can be annoying. And cringe.” Another word Rei recently taught me. I think I understand what he means. There have certainly been times when Catherine and I clashed, and she loves to bring up the sofa incident. We will really never live that one down. “What was Rei like when you were growing up together?” “Uhhh…I don’t know. Like, we were kids and did kid stuff. Then in middle school she went from trying real hard to be normal to…well, after she started reading those yuri manga she got kinda weird. She used to stay up super late talking to her friend Katano-san—” “Shiko?” “Yeah, her. I think she gave Rei the yuri in the first place. Then she started getting into writing super cringe fanfiction and then…well, I didn’t really know what was happening at the time, but I guess you kinda know the story already. Some classmates bullied her and well…” His voice gets quiet. He’s stopped playing the game for the moment. I can tell it hurt him to see her like that. “Yes, she told me about that. We talked about it a lot. It wasn’t easy for her.” “Yeah…we were all worried. She didn’t talk to anyone. She stopped going to school and stayed in her room for months. She eventually snapped out of it, sorta. And the past few times I’ve seen her, she’s finally acting more like she did before it happened.” “It takes time to heal.” “I guess. She didn't stop being an otaku after that, but it wasn’t the same. She used to rant about everything to me, but after the stuff in middle school she kept to herself.” “Do you miss her?” “Not really.” We both know he doesn’t mean it. I should tell Rei about this conversation later. We still have a few days left in our visit. She could spend some time with him before we leave. “Anyway, seems like she’s doing pretty good now, I guess. I mean, she has a rich girlfriend who rides horses and is an expert on swords.” “She is doing better now, it’s true. Much better. And I’ll make sure she always is.” He nods, trying to play it off as casual, but I can tell he is happy to hear it. “Cool.”

59_1

“What was that?” Catherine asks me. “I…” “What’s going on?” I need to call her… … she’s not answering… “Claire?” Catherine places a hand on my arm. “Huh?” She gestures with her head. She wants me to say something. “She’s not answering….” “She was really upset. Uh… why did you ask her to make the crème brûlée? She obviously didn’t know how to make it…” “But she’s so good at cooking…” Why did she not… She looks at me with disbelief. “She’s not though. Obviously.” “But she’s made it so many times…” Hundreds… “The… old Rae?” I can only nod. “But not this Rae?” I’ve made a mistake. I should have realized… “I was trying to help… I have to fix this.” She still isn’t responding to my call. She’s not answering? Because I hurt her. “What's going on?” Catherine’s trying to anchor me. Focus Claire. “I… I’m not sure…” It feels like we are sixteen again, dancing around each other awkwardly. Hiding. Not talking. Scarred. But we’re not… I’m… She’s not. She's young. You’re her first now. “Look Claire. She’s not the same.” Catherine's voice draws me out of my thoughts. “But she is! It’s her! I know it’s her! ” “That’s… not what… She’s different now. She hasn’t done all the things you remember…” “... and Rae thinks she has to?” Rae… no, never… There is a look of understanding on Catherine’s face. “Has she been comparing herself to the old Rae?You have to talk to her, Claire.” “I’m trying!” She wont pick up! “She’s not going to pick up. We should go chase her down or so-” Bang-bang We both snap to the door. Another loud knock shakes through the door. Is that…? I’m already running to the door. Please be… The door swings open.“What the fuck did you do?” Manaria. She’s fuming as she pushes into our room. What? As she moves in she presses a finger to my chest. “Your toy ran away bawling her eyes out. What did you do to her?” There’s fire in her tone as she says it again. Rae… “It’s my fault.” She narrows her eyes. “You hurt her.” “Hey, back off!” Catherine shouts at Manaria. She’s quick to come in between us but her small stature is very apparent next to Manaria’s tall frame. “No! What did you do? You think I couldn't tell how nervous she was? How anxious she was? How wrapped around your finger she is? Did you… I swear if you tried to-” “I WOULD NEVER!” Silence flows into the room, like water into a gaping hole. “I would never…” “But you did do something .” It's my fault… “No… I….” “What is going on?” She asks again. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. It’s a misunderstanding-” “No, What’s going on Claire? With you . You really think I wouldn’t notice? All the little things. Sure, maybe you wouldn’t know what Lord of the Rings is, but you were getting things wrong about yourself . You don’t know how long you’ve been here? You’ve been here for four years Claire. I remember the day you left for Japan. Francois doesn't make watches. You don’t know what sushi is? You don’t even talk the same. And everyone is acting like it’s fucking normal? Even your mom? Am I on the fucking Truman show? What the fuck is happening with you?” I swallow… “I’m not the same Claire you knew.” “No shit.” “No… I don’t have her memories.” Manaria pushes past Catherine. It causes her to stumble. She grabs the collar of my shirt. “What load of shit are you talking about?” Ohhhh , I can’t help but glare at her. I should be going after Rae, not dealing with this . “Exactly as I told you, now let me go. I need to find Rae.” “No, you’re not going anywhere near her until I get some answers. I’m sick of your mom pretending like this is normal. Your butler has no idea what’s going with you either. I’m not an idiot Claire. Answers .” “I told you! I don’t have my memories! My memories come from a different life. I don’t care if you don’t believe me. You’re in my way!” “Bullshit!” “We were all there before Manaria—that’s why I know about Eve. That’s why I know you cared about her and you blame yourself for what happened. Because you told me about it.” That gets her to drop my collar. “You don’t know anything .” “This life is different, but it’s like a mirror.” There's a deep exhale from Manaria. “This is stupid. Catherine, tell her she’s lost her mind.” Catherine just glares and stands next to me, she’s… “No. Fuck off Manaria, you stupid bitch.” CATHERINE?! That also catches Manaria completely off guard. “What did you call me?” “You heard me. I don’t know what happened with you like Claire does but you have some nerve coming in here accusing Claire of what? What you did?” Catherine is vicious. “You weren’t fucking there, Catherine.” Manaria seethes. “And you weren’t fucking here!” She shouts back at her. “I know what I saw when I caught Rae running out of the building! And now both of you are trying to feed me some stupid story about Claire’s memories?” Her voice trembles in anger. “ Manaria . I am responsible for that. I’m not lying. I wasn’t… here for the last twenty years. But I lived a lifetime before and I remember that . I was with Rae. We were all there. I was a noble, you were a princess… and then a Queen.” She grits her teeth, “Oh? And why would I even begin to think that might be true. Maybe you might think so, but to me it sounds like you lost your mind.” “You apologized to her! To Eve!” That silences her. Manaria has to swallow before she speaks again, with less bite this time. “Oh, and we magically made up and everything went back to normal?” She is trying to hide it, but I hear it in her voice. She wants it to be true. “No. But it's what you need to do.” She laughs, bereft of humor. “Oh I need to?” “Yes! Don’t act like you are happy. It made you miserable, and you are still miserable because of it. You care about her. You need to make it right.” “I don’t need to hear any of this!” She shouts, but it lacks bite. “If you know everything then why did your toy run out of here crying?” “She’s not my toy!” “Could have fooled me! You act like she belongs to you. You want me to drop some bombs too? You're gonna to lose her like I lost Eve.” She glares at me. She means for that to hurt. It does . “God you’re so full of shit Manaria. Get the fuck over yourself already. You gave up .” Catherine manages to barrel back in, taking up more space than her smaller frame would seem to allow. “You know what the difference is ? Claire wants to fix this and you're in the way because you think what exactly? Claire wants to make Rae happy!” “Catherine…” I put a hand on her shoulder and let out a heavy breath. “Look Manaria, I don’t care if you believe what I told you about Eve, or if you think I’m crazy or not. I did hurt Rae, and I need to understand what happened. I need to understand what I have been doing to her… and I need to fix it. She thinks… at least I think so… that this is her fault. I need to talk to her. Please Manaria, let me go.” She glares at me, but I can see the fire dying. She sighs and runs a hand up over her face. “I love her Manaria. She saved me before and I would fight the world to save her.” Her hand slides halfway down her face. “What is going on?” “This keeps happening. Last time it was Rae. This time it’s me. I found her again, and I… I can’t let her do this alone.” “You really think that?” She's skeptical. “Yes.” “This is crazy… Your mom knows?” “Yes… a few people know, but only a few.” “Christ… So that’s it? She believes it.” She looks at Catherine. “You believe it too?” “Yes.” Catherine always has my back . Manaria looks like she wants to say something but struggles with how to say it. Eventually she just groans and runs her hands over her face again. “ Fuck I feel like I’m going crazy… What happened with Rae? You didn’t…” No! “I think she’s been trying to do too much. I think… I worry she thinks she has to measure herself against the Rae from before. I asked her to do something she used to know how to do… and she couldn’t.” That's all I gathered… “And you didn’t… know?” “I knew something was eating away at her, but I thought it was either due to our severe studying, or the fact that a traumatic anniversary is around the corner. She used to cook to relax… I was trying to help…” Manaria closes her eyes. “I’m sorry.” Catherine gl

59_2

ares at her. “ Ohh ?” Manaria sighs. “Yes. Look I assumed… Rae reminded me of Eve, especially just now. I should have stopped. She tried to ask me to stop but she… let me do it anyway… And then father opened the office door while doing an interview…she couldn’t say no… I should have known better…” She takes a breath and looks at me. “I didn’t know what was going on with you… and it still sounds crazy but… I thought you did… what I did…” “Manaria, you can apologize to her still.” “I can’t… not right now anyways. Look, it's not your problem. And you need to find your girl.” I reach out and pull her into a hug. She makes a surprised sound. “Manaria, I will help you.” It takes her a moment to respond, “One day… maybe.” “Apologizing is simpler than you think it is.” “Look, this is great and all, but let's find Rae?” Catherine sounds like her patience for Manaria has expired. “Can you text her roommate? See if or when she’s back? Then maybe we can try checking out spots around here. Maybe she’s still close by.” I let go of Manaria. “You're right, I’ll text Misha right now.” I’m going to find her.

57

It jiggles. The recipe didn’t say anything about jiggling after refrigeration. Just breathe. “Okay, time for the final touches.” Claire beams as she announces that and hands me a small device. She even got a special lighter for it, okay, that’s kinda cool. But she definitely planned this. Hrmm . Click. A little jet of fire spouts from the end. Cool . Wow that's a powerful little flame. Okay so just like the videos, ease the flame over the top of the first custard and oh that’s neat. This is actually kinda fun, okay I think that one is done, on to the next. “We should be ready in just a bit Claire” I start the second one, focusing on it and careful easing the flame, soon the third, forth, fifth and just the sixth one now- “Rei!” Claire shouts. I turn to her and I can see the panic in her eyes. Oh no, did I mess up, did I do that wrong? What did I- “Your arm! The Sleeve!” She’s shouting? “Huh?” I look to my right hand, the lighter is there. I look to the left, and there is a flame licking up the sleeve of my hoodie. I blink. “Shite!” What? Did Claire swear? What is going on ? Fuck! Oh I need to put this out. “What do I do?” There is an overwhelming urge to swing my arm around, but that might spread the flames? That would be bad. Shit what do I do? Stop drop and roll? Claire then does a snap and points at my flames, there is an intense look of concentration on her face and she just stands there afterwards. Did she just try to Roy Mustang away the fire? “I can’t do magic!” She shouts. “No shit!” I need to do something . Then there is a pair of hands on my shoulders, “Christ you two are something.” And Catherine guides me to the sink, flicks the water on and pulls my arm under the flow and soaks the flame. She then drops a pot cover of the crème brûlée that still had a little ember on it. Oh. I’m stupid . My sleeve soaks through, I can probably pull it back. I inspect the sleeve, and fuck… it’s definitely ruined, the flame tore through a fair bit… “Are you okay, did you get burned?” Claire comes beside me and I feel a hand placed on my shoulder but I just jump back and break the connection. She hesitates from closing in again and maintains the new spacing. She’s just trying to help you, you idiot. “Yah, sure. I….” I pull my hoodie off, It’s my Persona one too… Fuck . “Rei?” Worry about that later. I check my arm, and it doesn’t look like it got burned, but now that it's not under the running water, I do feel it. I sigh, “Do we have an ice pack?” “Ahead of you Oohashi” I hear the fridge door close and Catherine hands me an ice pack wrapped in a cloth. I press it to my arm, and can feel it soothe quickly. That was stupid. It’s quiet for what feels like way too long, but that’s probably just me stuck in my head. Again. Claire fidgets with her hands. “I’m sorry Rei, I panicked and fire magic was my specialty… I just did…” This isn’t your fault Claire. “No, that's fine, It was my fault. I should have paid attention. It’s fire, I was careless , not paying attention . I should have put two and two together and checked that the flame went out before going to the next one…” I’m… “Mistakes happen, we all make them Rei.” I know she is trying to sound comforting, but I bet Rae Taylor never did anything stupid like this. She probably came out of the womb knowing how to make crème brûlée, how to make tea just right, how to make mayonnaise from scratch. Top student. Perfect mother and wife. Best magic user. A Hero of the revolution. I tried… I feel a hand on my shoulder. Great, I'm stewing here and just worrying her. “Rei, how about you sit down, here let me lay out your hoodie to dry.” She guides me to a sofa and then takes my hoodie away. I wish I could do what she thinks I can do. I hear some more shuffling. It sounds like some dishes have been laid on the coffee table. I can’t make myself look up right now. “Rei, it’s best enjoyed soon, would you like to try it?” I glance up quickly, and Claire is over me, she looks worried. She must be disappointed . “That’s fine Claire, I …” Claire casts her eyes down, and takes her seat on the sofa close by, but not as close as she tends to. She taps a spoon to the top of the first one, there is a crunch, “You did an excellent job with the crust.” I'm afraid to look at her directly again. She scoops a bit and brings it to her mouth and I can’t help but watch. She makes an ahh at first, but I then see the hesitation, the disappointment . She’s quiet for a moment. It’s not the way she remembers it. She knows . I knew it. “Well I hope you enjoy the crème brûlée Claire, it’s late and I should be going.” I get up. I shouldn’t even be here . “Rei? What’s wrong?” Claire is quick to chase after me, “At least wait for your hoodie to dry. Talk to me please.” And say what, I’m not what you want? I hate that I can’t be your Rae. “I’m F-fine, it’s fine, everything is fine.T-the hoodie is ruined. You can… just throw it out. I’m sorry about the fire. G-Good night.” I open the door, quickly close it behind myself and start walking down the hall. I hear a “Rei” but she doesn’t follow. All I had to do was make some fucking crème brûlée.

28

Claire mumbles, “I told Lene to take us someplace more lowkey,” she sighs, “Oh well, I suppose this must be lowkey to my old standards.” I feel so out of place, everything here looks way too high class. But Claire doesn’t let us stand about for too long. She is quickly attended to by staff and she starts quickly listing off what she is looking for but I can barely keep up with the types of clothes she is describing. She wasn’t kidding when she said she had ideas, and the attendant dutifully listens, and then turns to me and asks my size before leaving us to fetch the clothes I guess. “This feels too much Claire-chan…” “Don’t worry, I made sure the staff won't bring anything ostentatious.” “But won't everything be expensive?” Claire shrugs, “It might be but I wont pick more than a few articles for you, and I will try to pick the more moderately priced clothes. Don’t worry the staff understood what I am looking for, that includes the cost.” Before I can really say much more, the staff returns and we are taken to a changing room. Claire briefly flips through the clothes, before she nods content with the selection and hands them to me while pushing me into the personal chamber. “I’m not sure what these will look like until you try them on, I’ll wait out here.” And then it’s just me behind the curtain. The stack of clothes doesn’t look too big… It’s a couple pants and shirts… are these men’s clothes? “Is this right?” I ask over the curtain. “Yes, if you don’t like it we can try something else, but I figured this was a safe start.” Safe? “Aren’t these… I don’t know… they look like men's clothes?” “They are masculine, but they should fit you just fine. Trust me.” I gulp, am I overthinking this? It’s not like I wanted to wear a skirt or anything. It’s quick enough to try on the first set, and they fit pretty well I think. The pants are simple, I think? Black and a bit sleek, they definitely feel nicer than any pair I have, and more form fitting then I thought they would be. The shirt is a teal button up, it doesn’t look formal, but I guess it also feels stylish? It has a collar. I have no idea if this looks good, but it doesn’t feel bad. I think? I guess Claire will be the judge of that, I make sure the shirt is tucked in and step out. She perks up and smiles instantly. A quick silent appraisal and then she hums in thought, “One moment.” She steps around the corner and pretty quickly returns holding another shirt… or a coat? “Wear this over it.” I… have no idea what this is called, is this just a coat? It’s a little thicker but pretty light still, and the color matches the pants. I pull my arms through it, it’s a little loose in the shoulders I think but otherwise I think it’s the right size? I catch myself in the mirror. It almost looks like a suit jacket I guess, but nowhere as formal. It feels casual but very stylish. And… okay… maybe it does look good? I let myself see other angles, and I can’t really complain. Huh, maybe Misha was right the other day. “So what do you think?” Huh, this is kinda gay… isn’t it? Kinda tomboy vibes? I wasn’t expecting that. “It’s not too much?” “I think it suits you very well , Hmmm, yes that jacket brings it together I think. The pants could be tightened up a bit in the back,” I catch her eying my butt, wait really? “I think they should be able to provide a better shape, is the jacket loose?” She runs her hands over the spot to feel, “I think so? This looks good?” “Of course, but only if you like it.” She is still giving the appearance a discerning eye. “It’s not too…?” “Too what? Masculine?” “Ohh, I meant… gay?” She quirks her brow, “I haven’t a clue what passes for that here, but I know it suits you. You were never one for a dress. Would you want to try a dress?” “No! Umm, not really?” “You did wear a suit to our wedding.” I… Wedding…? Claire chuckles, fuck I must be blushing again, this isn’t fair. I… “Do you like it when I wear a suit?” She smirks, “ Very .” I gulp, and step towards her, barely an inch away from her, “Then maybe I should wear a suit.” She blushes slightly and grins. Then she pulls me in for a quick kiss and then pushes me back towards the private chamber, “Patience Reiiii. ” What the fuck did I just do? How did I just do that? Where the fuck did that come from? Fuck all my nerves are coming in now, my legs feel like jelly. Oh fuck. That kinda ruled.

22_1

“Sixty-eight percent?” This is terrible, this can’t be right. “That’s really not that bad, all things considered Claire-chan.” I know Rae is trying to make me feel better but I also know this is not a good score. “What did you get?” “What?” I reach over to her test and she panics, making a dash to intercept me, “What did you get?” “Noooo” she swipes her test away from my reach, I just lean over her and try to pull it from her grasp, “Claire-chan, this isn’t fair!” she whines. I lean into her ear, “Be a good girl for me.” She freezes and I manage to swipe her test finally. “Claire-chan! That’s not fair.” I turn the pages over, “Ninety-four percent?” Heavens, I really did poorly. “Claire-san you shouldn’t compare our results, it’s not fair.” “Most things aren’t fair till we make them, I need to improve.” “You will,” She swipes the test back, not as though I give her any fight anymore, “Look it’s the first test so it wasn’t that hard but I didn’t have to cram ten plus years into my head in less than two weeks. And all the studying I have been helping you with has been helping me too.” “I should have done better.” I shouldn't be pouting. She groans, “Look there will be more tests, we can get you there but you are doing good, you passed which is a miracle that you got to that point.” “I suppose…” I’m sure if I stare at the test hard enough I can will it to burst into flames, damned be the fact that my magic is gone. “Hi Claire-chan.” I perk up as I hear Pepi, Loretta is in tow behind her, “How did the test go.” She narrows her eyes at Rae. She isn’t going to let up, is she. “It should be better, sixty-eight percent.” I know it is what it is but I can’t stop my frustrations. I used to be a teacher! Pepi hums. Loretta decides to comment, “Wasn’t your tutor supposed to help your grades?” Oh no… is she jealous? Loretta No! “It’s not her fault, I’m to blame. It’s just been a struggle for me.” Pepi hums again, “Sounds like you need a better tutor huh, or are you just not trying very hard Oohashi-san?” Rae bristles at the implication, “I am doing what I can!” “It’s not her fault.” I try to warn them. Pepi however seems not willing to let it end quite there, “Really, is she even taking it seriously? You keep saying you are studying, studying, studying. You can’t make events anymore? We never even see you anymore.” “Pepi-chan!” She stops at my reprimand, as if catching herself finally. She looks apologetic but doesn't say anything. “There has been so much to cover and it’s like I have had to relearn everything all over again. She has been helping a lot. I’m not happy with my results,” I sigh, “But it is better than I would have gotten before alone, much better.” Rae’s right, she usually is. It doesn’t make me grit my teeth any less. “If you say so…” Loretta pouts, and side eyes Rae. “Can you at least make one party this week? Look, you can even bring your… tutor with you. Rod Bauer-san has the sports bar rented out for Saturday. Everyone who matters will be there.” I do feel guilty. I have been largely absent from the social life the old me used to have, I keep seeing messages from other classmates… I need to study though, that much is obvious but can I afford to ignore everyone else? If nothing else I am alienating Pepi and Loretta, that doesn’t sit right with me. “Rae-chan, what do you think? Could you at least come with me?” I try to whisper to her. The gears are winding in her head as she considers, her lips draw into a straight line, “Ugh, maybe? You want me to come?” “Yes please, I am going to be so lost as it is.” She does not look enthused at the prospect, chewing at her lip. I pout. She instantly folds. Claire… But I need her! “Okay, Yes I’ll come, but I’m not drinking, okay.” “That’s fine, I don’t want to drink too much either.” It’s too easy to drink too much. I pull back from our whisper and Pepi does not look impressed but at least she waited. “Okay, yes, I will do what I can to be there, umm which bar is it?” Pepi’s face scrunches, “Really, it’s the sports bar, Bar forty four, the one we usually go to.” “Right, of course.” I can’t let her know that I have no idea where that is. “You okay Claire-chan?” “Of course, just tired, it’s been a lot of studying.” “Hmm, well okay, we will see you then, make sure she dresses better, she can’t be… that.” I do not appreciate her tone… Rae looks like she is about to say something, but just pouts. That was rude Pepi… but I won’t start a fight over it. “I will make sure we both look great, and I’m sorry for worrying the two of you.” The apology surprises both of them, “Uh, sure thing Claire-chan, Okay, well we have to get going.” “We do?” Loretta questions. “Yes.” Pepi starts to drag Loretta away, who just acquiesces to it. Once they are out of earshot Rae groans and slumps on her desk. “I have to dress up?” “Don't worry, I will find something for you.” Rae groans. “I know what works for you, I might even be able to have Lene take us somewhere if she can book an appointment for Catherine this weekend.” “Wait, what.. you don’t need to buy me clothes?” “I don’t need to, but I will.” “But-” “Trust me Rae chan, I won’t go overboard and consider it a thank you for all the tutoring. I know what looks good on you and what you like.” She still looks apprehensive. “If you don’t like it, we won't get it, but let’s try at least…. Please?” Her resistance crumbles, “Fine.” She sighs and then pouts, “But not too much, K?” “Of course, would you happen to know the bar Pepi-chan mentioned?” “No, but I can look it up later, Misha might know, Misha might even be there if Yu-san is going… umm how long do we need to be there?” “I don’t know… but I suspect long enough to socialize. I worry there will be too many people I don’t recognize…” Some faces I do recognize from before, but for everyone I do, I see two I don't. The student body is massive. “Hmm yah that could be a problem but I don’t know, if it’s a party at a bar it might be loud and you might be able to half-ass conversations? I actually don’t know what it’s going to be like there, ughhhhhhh.” I do sympathize with her. “Hrmmm, I suppose we will have to see.” I can’t really say I am looking forward to just diving into the unknown like this. “Thank you for coming with me Rae, if you want, we can spend the following day doing something more relaxing, I would like to continue that game from before.” She smirks, “Sure, we will probably need to do some more studying before and over the weekend at some point, but I would like that too… So umm… what do you think of it so far?” “Oh I don’t even know where to begin… it’s just such a marvel of… engineering? Science? Having our little person move around is… well to borrow the colloquialism; cool. And it has such catchy music, and the story is very interesting. We have to stop Kamoshido, what a vile person. I know it’s just fiction but I really want to put a stop to him.” She laughs softly, “Yah he really sucks, he is a great way to set the stage for the game… I don’t know if I would say it holds up in the same way throughout the rest of the game but yah. And I don’t know if you also thought it too, but when I played it with the fem mod, the first time, and the part comes where they leak that your a delinquent to the whole school, in my head I was like oh, they also leak that the MC is trans too, and that's why everyone is always misgendering you and it makes it all comes around in my head in a strong way… but yeah I don’t know if you also…” She is getting self conscious as she catches herself rambling. I did not consider that, but I can see it now. It’s an odd concept, taking the narrative and having something changed with the ‘mod’ that she mentioned. It’s such a different way of engaging with the narrative then I am used to but there is something about it that feels intuitive, and her interpretation… “That does make sense… we have to beat that man up.” Rae laughs, “Don’t worry we can get there.” “Misaki would be proud of you.” “Wh

22_2

at?” Maybe I didn’t have to bring that up, but… “I… you did a lot of good, you helped a lot of people in our old life, Like Misaki. I know it’s still fresh but I just wanted to let you know that and… I don’t know what will arise now but I will be here to help with anything, okay?” She looks a bit fragile, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it, but she does smile after she collects her thoughts, “Thanks Claire-chan. I don’t want to say anymore goodbyes… buuuut we really should get going, we are going to be late to the next class if we don’t leave soon and I really don’t need your lackeys having more reasons to plot my murder.” “Pepi and Loretta, but yes, you are right.” “The tall one really doesn’t like me.” “Her name is Loretta, I… I think that might be because she has had a… crush on me.” “Uh yah.” “I can’t believe I never noticed- wait you knew?” Did everyone but me know? “I mean have you seen how she looks at you? Of course I recognized it!” “Oh god… hrmm, what do you mean you recognized it? “Ahhhhh, well you know…. Game knows game….?” She tries to jest. “No, I want to hear you say it.” She groans. “ Raeeeeeee .” “Ugh! Yes, of course I also have a massive crush on you.” I love when her voice trails off into a whisper. “Excellent, we should get going as you said then.” I run a hand down her arm and I can see a shiver cascade from the point of contact, I then rise and make way towards our next destination. I can’t help but smirk as she pouts. “Ugh what? Wait, oh come on. CLAIRE-SAN! That's not fair…”

79_1

“Claire-chan, you’re using too much force when you crack the eggs.” Ai-san has taken a moment to look away from her pot as I try to crack several eggs into a measuring cup. Surely cracking an egg can’t be that hard… “Look, there are egg shells in the cup.” She plucks out several pieces with a pair of chopsticks. Oh. “Sorry…Gwah! This is infuriating!” I can’t even break things correctly. There is a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Claire-chan, you said you are learning to cook. Have you ever done this before?” “Not until recently. I’ve never had to do it before. I’ve always had…someone that did it for me.” It was always Rei before. But I want to do it this time! Ai-san hums as she mixes some vegetables. “I also had to learn later in life. I never had a chance before I was out on my own. It is a lot to learn, and a lot to keep track of.” “It’s just…why is this so difficult? I thought I was getting better. I learned how to make a decent dessert, but now that I’m trying to help with dinner I keep ruining it.” “As long as you don’t mistake the sugar for salt again, we should be fine. We can pick out the egg shells. Mistakes are how we learn, Claire-chan.” We used to say the same thing to our own daughters back in Bauer. “At least with baking the instructions are clear. But how am I to know how much is ‘to taste’?” “Experience, dear. It’s easy to add too much seasoning. You just need to practice. When in doubt, always start by adding less than you think you need. You can add more later, but the reverse is not true.” I refuse to be bested by simple cooking! “You have an excellent palette, and you know what tastes good. That’s maybe the most important thing when it comes to cooking. You can always cook smaller portions to avoid wasting food until you feel confident in the dish.” “I suppose.” It is a terrible feeling to waste a pot of food, it’s true. “Oh, you have just the cutest pout!” Ahhh—did she just pinch my cheeks? “I can see why Rei likes you.” I rub my cheeks; that was very sudden. I am once again reminded of Rae’s mother in Euclid. She had some sudden habits of her own. “You can’t do this with every dish, but you can sometimes cheat and test the food as it’s cooking. Here.” Ai-san holds a piece of carrot between a pair of chopsticks. “This early in the cooking process, you can easily see that it’s still too hard.” I reach out to take the carrot with my fingers and Ai-san pulls it away. “Just eat it from the chopsticks, Claire-chan, so it won’t burn your fingers.” “Oh, but…” “These chopsticks won't go back into the food, don’t worry.” I lean over and taste the food. She’s right, it’s still quite hot, but I think I would have been fine taking it with my fingers. The carrot is still quite hard. “Obviously everyone has a different preference for how well done they like their vegetables. The longer we leave it cooking, the softer it gets. And if we leave it for too long, it will turn into mush. Or burn. I like to make sure it’s a bit crunchy. In a few minutes I’ll take it off the heat and let it cool down.” “I see.” When I asked Ai-san to show me several recipes, I hadn’t expected her to put so much effort into teaching me. We’ve done this several nights in a row, and even with all my mistakes she has been incredibly patient throughout the whole process. “Most vegetables are safe to check while cooking, but obviously you can’t do the same thing with meat. Always be careful with raw meat——you don’t want to get sick from bacteria. You can always check how long you need to cook meat, and I like to use a thermometer to ensure that it hits the right temperature.” “The heat kills the bacteria, right?” I hope that’s not a stupid question. “Correct. As long as meat meets the minimum time and temperature you should be good. Some meats you can cook for longer, which affects the texture. Sometimes people slow cook meat over a long period on a lower heat so it can get very tender.” “Like in a curry.” “In some curries, yes. But sometimes you can cook meat for even longer than in a curry. I like to cook mine for around fifty minutes.” She removes the pan from the heat. “Let's make sure all of the shells are out of the eggs. Biting into an egg shell is very unpleasant.” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t worry dear, it happens. I still make a mess of eggs too.” She uses a fresh pair of chopsticks to snatch up the stray fragments. “So, Rei mentioned you’re from France? Your Japanese is very good.” “Yes, I’m from France, and thank you. I’ve been in Japan for a while already. I moved here six years ago with Mother and Catherine.” Or is it seven now? “Oh? What does your mother do?” Ai-san looks like she is satisfied with the eggs now that the shells are gone. “Did Rei not mention it?” Ai-san sighs. “She said a little about it, but getting my daughter to share information is like pulling teeth.” I can’t help but laugh. Rei is rather obstinate and reticent. Frustratingly so at times. “I wouldn’t have minded her telling you. Mother owns and runs a large company. Perhaps you have heard of Francois?” Ai-san has her attention on another pot, stirring to keep the contents from burning. “Francois?” She continues to stir, then freezes. The spoon slips from her hand into the pot. “That Francois!?” She abruptly turns to look at me, wide-eyed with surprise. “Your spoon!” “Shit.” She grabs a pair of chopsticks to fish out the spoon. “Francois?!” “Yes. I take it that you are familiar with the company?” “And you’re dating my daughter?” I can’t help but sigh. “Please Ai-san, it’s not that big of a deal.” “But you’re—” “Just another person. It is true that we are wealthy, but you don’t need to treat me any differently.” “But…I made you cook with me.” She’s not quite listening to me. “Please, I asked you to let me help. To teach me.” “Are you sure?” “Yes. Positive.” She still looks a bit unsure. To think, I used to expect people to act like this around me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…it was just a surprise. How did you two even meet?” Oh no, now she is nervous. “Please, Ai-san, it’s fine. Really. Rei and I shared classes. I saw her and knew she was the one instantly.” This time around, at least. “Aww, what a precious story. Oh goodness, we gave you a futon to sleep on.” She can’t help but place a hand to her forehead. “And no wonder you didn’t know how to cook. You probably have all sorts of fancy chefs cooking for you.” “Ai-san, it’s okay, really. I don’t want you to give me special treatment. Please don’t treat me like I’m royalty.” Ai-san takes a breath, then resumes stirring the pot again. “Okay, I’ll try. This was the last thing I had imagined. Your family is…wealthy, I assume?” She still sounds shell-shocked. “Yes, my family is very privileged, but please don’t feel like you have to treat me differently than you did before you knew. As far as I am concerned, the only thing that matters is that I love Rei.” “You really do love her, don’t you?” “I truly do. It surprised me when I first realized it, but there is no one else in the world for me.” Then, now, or the next time. Ai-san is still stirring the pot. The tension finally leaves her shoulders, and she smiles softly. “Even though you two just started dating?” “Yes.” “Have you told her?” “Many times.” Ai-san sighs softly. “And what if it doesn’t work out? Rei comes from a very different world than you do.” More than she realizes. I feel my chest tighten. “I don’t think either of us wants to give this up.” Ai-san sets the spoon to the side and lowers the heat on the pot. She puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it gently, smiling. “I think you might be right. You’ve made Rei very happy. I don’t mean to sound like I’m questioning your relationship, but…” “I know how it seems. I know we’re both still very young and that we have very different backgrounds. But I know what I feel is real, and I have no problem saying it to anyone. This feeling is for her alone, and I know it will last.” We did it once together before, and we will do it together again. “I want so much for her.” Ai-san smiles softly. “Rei is certainly lucky to have found you, then. Is your mother okay with the relationship? With you dating another woman?” “Mother loves Rei, and it was never an issue for her as far as I know. Haha, she found out in a very embarrassing manner. Goodness.” “Embarrassing?” There is an edge to her voice. “How so?” “Oh, I, we were…I mean we were umm…kissing, we were kissing and she walked in unexpectedly.” Ai-s

79_2

an’s eyes go wide in shock. “Before marriage?” She sounds so scandalized. Oh no, is she more conservative than I thought? “What? I mean—” She grins and pokes my nose. “I’m only teasing, Claire-chan. You wanted me to treat you like any other person, right? You’re both adults, and I’m glad that you’re happy together.” She was teasing me? I think I’m going to like this woman. She pinches my cheeks once again. “You are so adorable, Claire-chan. Well, I think the food just needs to cool off a bit and then we can serve it. Gosh, I can’t believe Rei is dating an heiress!”

74

The wait is pure agony. I never thought I would feel this nervous watching someone else write a test. There are times when I can see Claire react to something on the test with a momentary expression of surprise or frustration. All I can do is watch quietly. And refill her tea. I don’t want to risk ruining it in any way by doing something that would make Melia doubt Claire’s ability and dedication or think that we were cheating. Melia is taking this time to focus on what I can only guess is some work on her laptop. She frequently looks up to check on Claire, and after a minute of watching her daughter work she returns to whatever is on her screen. After what feels like eons, Melia finally alerts us that half the allotted time has passed. Claire opts to take a break and visit the restroom. I hastily put on some more water for tea. “You’re nervous too, aren’t you?.” Melia asks, surprising me. “Uhh, yeah. It feels like a lot is riding on this test.” Melia nods, though it’s clear she doesn’t share our feelings of anxiety. When it’s clear she’s not going to say anything in reply, I continue. “But I think—no, I know she can do it.” Melia nods again. “How has it been? Living here with her and Catherine?” I wasn’t expecting that question. “Amazing.” The word jumps out of my mouth without a second thought, but Melia doesn’t seem phased by it. “I mean, I love living with her. With both of them. Here. Umm, thank you. For, you know. This place and everything.” Rei, stop being such a disaster already. “You and Misha are more than welcome. And despite my insistence, you still don’t use the allowance I offered.” Her tone is level. “I bought a Playstation!” Melia looks unmoved. “It’s been four months since you moved in together.” “Okay, but Claire keeps buying me stuff, too. I don’t want to take advantage of your generosity.” She clicks her tongue, sounding exactly like Claire. “Rei, it’s not taking advantage when I explicitly offered it. And even if Claire is spending her allowance on you, it doesn’t add up to even a fraction of the bills I’ve gotten in the past from her. Not even close.” Jeez, how much did she used to spend? And on what? “Fortunately, this problem will be resolved soon enough,” Melia says softly. Huh? We’re interrupted by Claire returning from the restroom. I spring up and head to the fridge, where I fish out an apple and hand it to her. “Thank you, Rei,” Claire says with a soft smile. My heart… “You’ve got this, Claire,” I whisper. She takes a bite of the apple and a bit of juice dribbles out the corner of her mouth. She locks eyes with me, gives me a wink and sensually licks the juice away. God, I’m the luckiest lesbian ever. Even if she is doing this in front of her mom. “Mother, how much time is left in my break?” It’s amazing how seamlessly she can switch between flirt mode and exam mode. She’s too powerful. “I’ll start the timer again in eight minutes. How do you feel?” “Stressed. But I’ll manage.” Claire sits back down on the barstool to finish her apple. I take the chance to get behind her and give her a quick shoulder massage. It’s definitely the right call, judging from her sighs of relief as I knead my fingers into her tense muscles. I love being able to do this for her. All too soon, Melia gives us the two minute warning. Claire throws away the apple core and sits back down at her test. Once Melia tells her to begin, she buries herself once more in the papers. It looks like the break helped—she’s powering through her test a bit faster than before. Silence sets back in, broken only by Melia’s typing and the scratch of Claire’s pencil on the papers. I try to find something to do on my phone, but it feels like I would be just as productive staring at a blank wall. Going elsewhere doesn’t feel like an option, as I’m too anxious not to be here to support Claire. God, how long has it been? I check my phone. Really, only fifteen minutes? I hate my phone. More time passes. Every minute feels like an eternity. I can’t be a distraction. Come on, Rei. Creeeeak. We all turn our heads to identify the source of the sound. Catherine emerges from her room with a sheepish expression. It looks like she just woke up. “Sorry.” Claire gives her a thumbs up and immediately returns to her test. Catherine slinks her way to the sofa as she tries to straighten out her pajamas. Strange, she’s usually up earlier than this. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to sleep in quite this much.” Melia doesn’t say anything, but she does put a hand on Catherine’s shoulder. She squeezes softly and Catherine sighs. After Melia returns to her laptop, Catherine looks at me. It’s clear she wants to ask how it’s going but knows better than to break the silence. At least I have some solidarity in anxiousness. God, this is agony.

35

“Misha! Francois-san is going to kill me.” Misha takes a long deep breath and folds her laptop, laying it to the side on her bed. “What did you do this time?” “She keeps flirting with me! It’s too much!” I don’t know how I made it through the day with all of the looks, the glances, the very not accidental touches! Misha looks dumbstruck. Huh, I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. “...What?” “We agreed to take it slow but then she keeps flirting with me and it’s so good and I am GOING to DIE and I need it to stop but I don’t want it to stop when she looks at me with those eyes. Oh God, those eyes, I never understood what it meant when people say it looks like someone’s undressing you with their eyes but then she looks at me and now I understand and I feel like I am going to turn into jelly and melt and turn into dust and scatter into the winds, stardust, I will be stardust and never put back together again!” I need to breathe, dear God. Breathe, Rei! “Oh boy.” “Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisha!” I dramatically collapse on the floor next to her bed. “I can’t help you. I can’t even tell if you want help.” Why won't she help me? “It’s too much! I ‘m going to OD on Francois-san!” Misha sighs. “What a problem. Look you have to tell her to cool it if that’s what you want, but I can’t tell if you’re complaining or bragging. Grats on your hot girlfriend, I guess.” “We aren’t girlfriends yet, and if we were that would mean… everyone would know if we started dating…” I don’t care if everyone thinks I’m an otaku, but… “You don’t need to go public, but maybe just try it out? I don’t know, if what you said is true, it's also probably an adjustment for her to not be in a relationship with you. Maybe let her have an outlet? Like a date or something.” I swear, it looks like Misha is looking for an escape hatch. “You think I should bring her on a date ? But, but, but—” “She said she was married to you in your past life. I’m sure she’ll be happy with whatever, even if you just watch a movie or something. Yeah, just do that. She’s probably never seen a movie, right?” Misha is eyeing the door. “Maybeee.” What movie would I even show her? Maybe we should try a game instead? She did say would like to see a game earlier. “Sorry, I know I sound insane. I feel like I’m going insane. I’ve been staring at this girl for weeks like an idiot wishing I could do anything to talk to her, and then she just walks up to me and calls me her wife! And now something is happening between us and what if I don’t measure up to her old Rei? What happens when she realizes I’m not who she wants?” “Ummm… okay maybe I’ve been a little dismissive. This is… well, I don’t think something like this has happened, like, ever. It's like a dumb anime…” “Those can be fun.” You don’t have to be a snob about them, Misha. “Whatever you say…” I huff. She can be so judgy. Still. “Look, thanks for listening. I’m sorry to dump this all on you, I just feel like I don’t know what I’m doing and she just acts like it’s all normal and she has so much faith in me and I don’t understand why. It’s like, she doesn’t know me, how could she, but then she says something that makes me feel like she knows me better than anyone else ever has. And it’s only been one day!” “Okay, let's take a step back. Do you want something to happen between you and her? Do you still like her, now that you’re actually talking to her?” “Yes! I mean yes I do. She’s actually really kind and considerate. I thought that she would… I don’t know, try to downplay things in front of her old friends but then she stuck up for me and made sure they knew she wasn’t okay with them looking down on me, and I wasn’t really expecting that. It was really cool. And they definitely know something is up now, but she was okay with dealing with that.” “Hmm, yeah that really doesn’t sound like her from what I’ve heard. It’s probably better if she just rips the proverbial band-aid off sooner rather than later. Like, from the rumors I’ve heard, she was kind of a bitch, really keen on climbing the social ladder or whatever. And it doesn’t sound like she acts that way at all now.” Misha shrugs her shoulders. “I didn’t think you bothered keeping tabs on that kind of stuff.” “I have my reasons.” Her expression is carefully neutral, but it’s clear she’s hiding something. “I’m sure even people outside of her close circle will notice, but honestly even if it becomes the hot gos for a bit, next week everyone will move on to something else. Just don’t tell people that it’s because she woke up with new memories. Hell, even telling people that she’s dating you would be a better smokescreen than the truth.” “Not you too,” I groan. “I don’t know why you’re complaining when you could just be dating her instead.” She opens her laptop and turns away, making it clear that Misha-erapy hour is over. I couldn’t just be dating her, right? Could it really be that simple? Fuck we need an AC.