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to this and that relative or friend it will not make me any more likely to die she said and i shall feel more comfortable if i have these things off my mind i ve thought them out and if you put them on paper then i shall feel perfectly at liberty to forget them if i find it too much trouble to remember i put down the things which she told me trying hard not to let her see how the tears my writing when i had finished she lay quiet for some time and then she said may i say one thing about george she has said nothing to me before except comforting words to show me that she felt for me and that she knew i could not bear to talk about it you know you may i told her though i confess i shrank at the thought i know how it hurts you now she said and for that i am grieved to the heart but dear i can t help feeling that it is best after all you are too much his superior to be happy with him you would try to make him what you think he ought to be and you could n t do it the stuff is n t in him he d get tired of trying and you would be so for him that in the end i m afraid neither of you would be happy february she stopped and rested a little and then went on i am afraid i don t comfort you much she said with a sigh i suppose that that must be left to time but i want you to remember it is much less hard for me to leave you alone than it would have been to go with the feeling that you were to make a mistake that would and your whole life the tears came into her eyes and she put out her dear shadowy hand so feebly that i could not bear it i dropped on my knees by the bed and fell to sobbing in the most childish way mother patted my head as if i were the baby i was acting there there she said the as your father would have said do not cry over misfortunes they live them down she is right and i must not break down again february there are times when i seem like a stranger visiting myself and i most wish that this guest would go i must determine not to think about my feelings or rather without to make resolutions i must stop thinking about myself the way to do i suppose is to think about others and that would be all very well if it were not that the others i inevitably think about are george and miss west i cannot help knowing that he is with her a great deal somehow it is in the air and comes to me against my will if i go out i cannot avoid seeing them walking or driving together i am afraid that george s law business must suffer i should never have let him neglect it so for me perhaps i am cold blooded what mother said to me the other day has been much in my thoughts i wonder how it was ever the of a saint possible for me to be engaged to a man of whom neither father nor mother entirely approved to care for him was something i could not help i am sure of that bat the engagement is another matter it came about very naturally after his being here so much in father s last illness george was so kind and about the business that we were all full of gratitude and in my blindness i did not perceive how mother really felt i realize now it was his kindness to father and the relief his help brought to mother which made it hard for her to say then that she did not approve of the engagement and so soon after she became a helpless invalid that things went on naturally in their own course i am sure that if mother could have known george as i have known him she would have cared for him she has hardly seen him in all these years she hopes that i will forget but i should be poorer if i could one does not leave off loving just because circumstances alter he is free to go his way but that does not make me any the less his if there is any virtue in my being so february i met mrs in the street today her black eyes brighter more piercing more snapping than ever she came up to me in her quick way stopped suddenly tall and strong and looked at me as if she were to read some profound secret hid in the very bottom of my soul i could never by any possibility be half so mysterious as mrs s looks seemed to make me do you write to tom she demanded i don t even know where he is i answered then you don t write to him february no that s a pity mrs went on her eyes piercing me so that they almost gave me a sensation of physical discomfort he ought to know i looked at her a moment in silence thinking she might explain her words to know what i asked at length about you and george she responded nodding her head emphatically but if you don t know where he is that s the whole of it good day she was gone before i could gather my wits to tell her that the news could make no difference to tom in discussing my separation from george i suppose the village but i will not be unkind because i am unhappy i know and know with sincere pain | 3 |
that and mrs believe that i could have saved tom if i had been willing to marry him i have cared for tom from and i am fond of him now in spite of all that has happened to show how weak he is but it would be wicked for him to be allowed to suppose the breaking of my engagement makes any difference in our relations he cannot be written to however so i need not trouble february miss west has gone back to but i do not see that this makes any especial difference to me aunt told me this afternoon evidently thinking that i should wish to hear it and evidently too trying not to let me see that she regarded it as more than an ordinary bit of news i only wonder how long it will be before george will follow her oh i do hope she will make him happy i february the consequence of my being of no the of a saint religion seems to be that i am regarded as a sort of ground by persons of all where they may air their troubles now it is a catholic who asks advice perhaps i had better set up as a consulting something or other are the only sort of female consulting things that i think of and they are so far from respectable that i could not be a medium but i shall have to invent a name to call myself by if this goes much further this time it is is as devout a little superstitious body as i ever saw she firmly believes all that her church teaches her and she believes all sorts of queer things besides i wonder sometimes that her small mind which never can remember to lay the table properly can hold in remembrance all the droll she perhaps the reason why she is so a servant and is so constantly under the severe of s awful is that her mental faculties are exhausted in remembering signs and i ve no right to make fun of her however for i don t like to salt myself the which brings to me is not one which it is easy to handle she believes that her church has the power of eternal life and death over her and she wishes in defiance of her church s to marry a man she declares that unless she can marry ran her heart will be broken into the most numerous fragments and she me to devise a method by which she can accomplish the difficult feat of getting the better of the church sure miss she said in the most way in the world you re that clever that ye could february a way what would get round father o he s no that quick at things i suspect from something the child let fall that with genuine righteous hatred of the scarlet woman had urged to fly in the face of her church and marry ran would regard it as a signal triumph of grace if could be so far persuaded to the of i can understand perfectly s way of looking at the matter but i have no more against s church than i have against s so this view does not appeal to me i said don t you believe in your church she broke into of her entire and seemed inclined to feel that harm might come to her from some unseen if such charges were made so as to be heard by spirits then i don t see why you come to me i said if you are a good catholic i should think that that settled the matter but i thought you d think of some way of round it she responded beginning to cry me heart is broke for ran an it is that go to the bad if i don t have him poor little ignorant soul i how could one reason with her or what was there to say i could only try to show her that she could not be happy if she did the thing that she knew to be wrong but what for is ye me that when ye don t it s wrong she demanded evidently i do think it is wrong to act against a church in which you believe i said the of a saint i am afraid i did not in the least comfort her for she went away with an air in which indignation was mingled with disappointment february is all right she told me today her apron and blushing very prettily that she saw last night and was engaged to him already he has it seems personal attractions superior to those of ran and added that on the whole she prefers a first hand husband so i m obliged to ye for yer me to give ran the go by she concluded i thought yer would i do not know whether the swiftness of the change of or the amazing conclusion of her remarks moved me more february father used to say that was the thing on the face of the earth and he would certainly be amused if he could know how her pride has increased i could not leave mother this afternoon and so i sent down with a of soup to the poor old refused to have it because i did not bring it myself she wasn t a to have me send her soup she informed i am afraid that was enough to make some remark upon the fact that i carry her food pretty often for old said i can see her wrinkled old nose turned up in supreme scorn as she brought it out that s different when miss brings me a little thing now and then and it ain t often she take that trouble either i that s just a friend dropping | 3 |
in with something to make her sure of her welcome i i shall have to leave february everything to to go and make my e with for the old goose would starve to death before she would take anything from the of the poor and i do not see how she keeps alive anyway february i had a note from george this morning about the and in it he said that he is to be away for a week or two that means but i have no longer any right to about him it is not my business what it means henceforth he must come and go and i must not even wonder about it february i must face the fact that mother will not be with me much longer i can see how she grows weaker and i can only be thankful that she does not suffer she speaks of death now and then as calmly as if it were a matter of every day routine mrs dr said this morning you seem to be no more afraid of death than you are of a sunrise i m not enough to be afraid she answered with her little smile dear little mother she is so serene so sweet so quiet nothing could be more dignified and yet nothing more entirely simple she is dying like a she lies there as gracious as if she had invited death as a dear friend and awaited him with the welcome the of it all is what me most when i am with her it is impossible for me to feel that anything terrible is at hand she might be going away to pass a pleasant summer visit somewhere but there is no suspicion of anything dreadful or painful the of a saint it is not that she is indifferent either she has always found life a thing to be glad of i should have liked well enough to stay a while longer to bother you she said after dr had gone but we must take things as they come it s better perhaps you need a rest dear mother she is always so lovely and so wonderful february mother has been brighter to day and really seems better if it will only last i i asked her last night if she expected to see father she lay quiet a moment and then she turned her face to smile on me before she answered i don t know she said i have wondered about that a good deal and i cannot be sure if he is alive and knows then i shall see him i am sure of that it is only life that has been keeping us apart if he is not any more why then i shall not be either and so of course i can t be unhappy i feel just as he used to when he had you read that translation from something to him the week before he died the thing that said death could not be an evil for if we kept on existing we would be no longer by the body and that if we did n t it was no matter for we should n t know she was still a moment looking into some great distance with her patient sunken eyes then she smiled again and said as if to herself but i think i shall see him february george is married aunt has been in to tell me she mentioned it as if it were february a thing in which i should have no more interest than in any bit of village news she did not watch me i remember now or ask my opinion as she generally does she was wonderfully and kind only i can see she thought i ought to know about it and that the best way was to put the matter and simply as if it had no possible sentiment connected with it when she had done her errand she went on to make remarks about and the fires just what i do not know for i could not listen then she went away i did not expect it so soon i knew that it must come but i was not prepared for this suddenness i supposed that i should hear of the engagement and get used to it and then come to know the wedding was to be and so come gradually to the thing itself that george forever out of my life it is better it is a thousand times better to have it all over at once i might have through the days as they brought nearer and nearer the time when george was to be her husband instead of mine now it is done without my knowing for three days he has been married and have only to think of him as the husband of another woman and try to take it as a matter of course whether george has done this because he cares so much for her or not he has done what is kindest for me it is like waking from the to find that the tooth is out we may be and sore but the worst is past and we may begin slowly perhaps but really to recover yet it is so soon how completely he must be carried away to be so forgetful of all that is past we were engaged six years and he miss west after an acquaintance of hardly as many weeks i the of a saint wonder if all men are like this it seems sometimes as if they were not capable of the long brooding devotion of women but it is better so and i would not have him thinking about me he must be wrapped up in her i do care most for his happiness and his happiness now lies in his thinking of her forgetting all the six years when | 3 |
he was when i thought he was mine i will not moon and i will not fret that george has changed does not of course alter my feeling i am sore and hurt i see life now in its uses he has cut me off from the happiness of serving him and helping him as a wife but as a friend there is still much that i may do very likely i can help his wife she seems so far short of what his wife should be for service in all loyalty i belong to him still and that is the thought which must help me february i have already had a chance to do something for george i hope that i have not been unfair to my friends but i do not see how i could decide any other way old lady came in this afternoon with her snowy curls and cheeks pink from the wind almost as soon as she was seated she began with characteristic i know you won t mind my coming straight to the point my dear she said i came to ask you about george s new wife do you think we had better call on her the question had come to me before but i confess i had thought of it only as a personal matter mr s people were hardly of our sort you know she continued in her gentle voice though of february course after your father took him into his office as a student we all felt like receiving him i never knew him until after that i have seen a good deal of him i said wondering if my voice sounded queer you know he helped settle the estate it did seem mrs went on that his mother did not live for of course we could hardly have known her she was a hardy you know from but i have always found mr a very young man especially for one of his class he is really very intelligent as we have received him i said i don t see how we can refuse to receive his wife that s the way i thought you would feel about it old lady answered but i wished to be sure as he has been received entirely on account of his connection with your family i told aunt that it ought to be for you to say whether the favor should be extended to his wife i am informed that she is very pretty but she is not i believe exactly one of our sort she is exceedingly pretty i assured her i have seen her she is not well i am afraid that she is rather western but i shall call then that settles it of course we shall do whatever you decide i suppose he will bring her to our church i say our because you really belong to it you are just a lamb that has found a place with a off and got outside the fold we shall have you back some time i am afraid i said laughing that i should only disgrace you and injure the fold by pulling a fresh off somewhere to get out again the of a saint she laughed in turn and fluttered her small hands in her delightful way i am not afraid of that she responded when the lord leads you in he is able to make you want to stay i hope your mother is comfortable so that is settled and miss west why am i such a coward about writing it mrs is to be one of us george will be glad that she is not left out of society ill march march mother s calmness keeps me ashamed of the hot ache in my heart and the restlessness which makes it so hard for me to keep an outward composure is rather shocked that she should be so entirely unmoved in the face of death and the dear foolish old soul in from her cradle must needs believe that mother is somehow her future welfare by this very serenity don t you think miss she said to me yesterday that you could persuade your mother to see mr she d do it to oblige you but it would n t oblige me oh miss think of her immortal soul i said as gently as i could she was so distressed you know how mother always felt about those things it certainly could n t do any good now to try to alter her opinions and it would only tire her i left as quickly as i could without her feelings but i might have known that her conscience would force her to speak to mother bless me mother said to her i m no more wicked because i m going to die than if i were going to live i can t help dying you know so i don t feel responsible the of a saint when tried to go on and broke down with tears mother put out her thin hand like a sweet shadow she said i know how you feel and i thank you for speaking but don t be troubled where there are many don t you think there may be one even for those who did not see the truth if they were honest in their blindness march how far away everything else seems when the foot of death is almost at the door as i sit by the bedside in the nights wondering whether he will come before morning i think of the nights in which i may sometime be waiting for death myself i wonder whether i shall be as serene and absolutely as mother is it is after all only the terror of the unknown why should we be more ready to think of the unknown as dreadful than as delightful we certainly hail the | 3 |
thought of new experiences in the body why not out of it novelty in itself must give a wonderful charm to that new life at least for a long time think of the pleasure of having youth all over again for we shall at least be young to any new existence into which we go just as babies are young to this death is terrible it seems to me only when we think of ourselves who are left behind not when we think of those who go life is a thing so beautiful that it may be sad to think of them as deprived of it but the more beautiful it is the more i am assured that whatever power made the earth must be able to make something better if life is good a higher step in must be nobler and however we mourn none of us would dare to say that our grief is caused march by the belief that our friends have through death gone on to sorrow march this morning march mother was buried to day i have taken out this book to try to set down to set down what not what i have felt since the end came that is not possible and if it were i have not the courage i suppose the mournful truth is that in the dreadful loneliness which death has left in the house i got out my as a companion one s own thoughts are forlorn company when they are so sad but if they are written out they may come to have more reality and the journal to seem more like another personality how strange and shameful the weakness is which makes it hard for us to be alone the feeling that we cannot endure the brooding universe about us unless we have hold of some human hand yet we are so small the poor naked soul a single of down tossed about by all the winds which fill the of an infinite universe why should we not be afraid father would say why should we he believed that the universe took care of everything in it because everything is part of itself you ve only to think of our own human instinct of self preservation on a scale as great as you can conceive he told me the day before he died and you get some idea of the way in which the universal must protect the particular i am afraid that i am not able to grasp the idea as he did i have thought of it many times and of how calm and dignified he was in those last days i am a woman and the universe is so great that it turns the of a saint me cold to think of it i am able to get comfort oat of father s idea only by remembering how sure he was of it and how completely real it was to him yet mother was as sure as he she told me once that not to be entirely at ease would be to father s be and she was no less serene in the face of death than he was yes it would be to them both to doubt and i do not in my heart of hearts but it is lonely lonely march it is touching to see how human kindness the great sympathy with what is real and lasting in the human heart the of in the face of the great tragedy of death would be at any hint that she wavered in her belief yet she said to me to day don t you worry about your mother miss she was a good woman if her eyes were not opened to the truth as it is in her heavenly father u look after her i guess she sees things some different now she s face to face with him and i believe she had the root of the matter in her somehow though she hadn t grace given her to let her light shine among men dear old she is too loving in her heart not to be obliged to her when she is brought to the actual application of the awful belief she and she is too human not to feel that a life so patient and so upright as mother s must lead to eternal peace no matter what the creed teaches march the gray is chasing its tail before the fire and i have been looking at it and the blazing wood through my tears until i could bear it march no longer the moonlight is on the snow in the and must show that great black patch where the grave is she cannot be there she cannot be conscious of the bleak chill of the earth and the question whether she is anywhere and is conscious at all is in my mind constantly she must be she cannot have gone out like a candle flame she said to mr that day brought him and mother was too gentle to refuse to see him that she had always believed god must have far too much self respect not to take care of creatures he had made and that she was not in the least troubled because she did not feel any responsibility about what was to happen after death she was right of course but he was he began to out something but mother stopped him i did n t mean to shock you she said gently but don t you think mr i am near enough to the end to have the privilege of saying what i really believe he would n t have been human if he could have resisted the voice that said it or the smile that enforced the words now she knows she has found the heart of truth somewhere out there in the sky which to us looks | 3 |
below climb up to us say we will come down to you i suppose this is hardly a fair up of modern views of social conditions though of course i know very little about them but i am sure that the way in which class distinctions are laughed at is a mistake i hope i hate false pride as much as anybody could yet dear miss trying hard not to disgrace her ancestors and being march true to her idea of what a should do is to me pathetic and fine she cares more for the traditions of her race than she does for her own tion and anybody who did not admire this strong and unselfish spirit must look at life from a point of view that i cannot understand i can have her here now on an excuse that she will not suspect and she shall be fed and rested as she has not been for years march i forgot miss s plants when i asked her to come here i went over this morning to invite her and i found her her great tree with tender little and with loving glances which were like those a mother gives her pet child in dressing it for a party the sun came in at the bay window and the which are the pride of miss s heart were coming finely into blossom if the poor old soul is ever really happy it is in the midst of her plants and things grow for her as for nobody else do look she said with the greatest eagerness that slip of that came from the wreath is really i do think it will live she brought me a full of water into which was stuck a bit of from the wreath that cousin sent for mother miss had asked me if she might go to the for the slip she was so pathetic when she spoke of it it is n t just to have a new plant she said it is partly that it would always remind me of your mother and i should love it for that to day she was wonderful her eyes shone as she looked at the and showed me the tiny white point like a little mouse s tooth that had begun to the of a saint come through the bark under the green water it was as if she had herself somehow accomplished the miracle of creation i could have taken her into my arms and cried over her as she stood there so happy with just this slip and her plants for family and riches i told her my errand and she began to look troubled unconsciously i am sure she glanced around at the flowers and in to instant i understood oh i beg your pardon i said before she had time to speak i forgot that you cannot leave the plants i was thinking how i could manage she answered evidently troubled between the wish to oblige me and the thought that her precious plants could not be left you need not manage i said i was foolish enough not to think of them of course you can t leave them i might come over in the she proposed hesitatingly i could make up the fire in the morning and at this time of the year the room would be warm enough for them till i came back at night i know you must be most lonely at night and i would stay as late as i could you are a dear thing i said and her tone brought tears to my eyes if you will come over after breakfast and stay until after supper that will do nicely if you think you can spare the time there s nothing i can spare better she said laughing i m like the man that was on his way to jail and was met by a beggar i ve nothing to give you but time he said and that his honor just gave me so i don t like to give it away that s one of your father s stories march i stayed talking with her for an hour and it was touching to see how she was trying to be entertaining and to make me cheerful i did come away with my thoughts entirely taken off of myself and my affairs and that is something march it has done me good to have miss here she makes her forlorn little and tells her stories in her big voice and somehow all the time is thinking i can see of brightening the days for me peter was completely scornful for two days but now he passes most of his time in her lap of course but gracious miss has been as dear and kindly as possible and to night in the twilight she told me the romance of her life i do not know how it came about i suppose that she was thinking of mother and wanted me to know what mother had been to her perhaps too she may have had a feeling that it would comfort me to know that she understood out of her own suffering the pain that had come to me through george s marriage i do not remember her father and mother they both died when i was very young i have heard that mr was a very handsome man who the village greatly by his love of horses and wine but father used to tell me he was a scholar and a cultivated man i am afraid he did not care very much for the comfort of others and aunt always speaks of him as a who broke his wife s heart took care of him after mrs died and was devoted to him they say she was a woman before she was left alone with that big house and she sold the | 3 |
silver to pay his debts the of a saint to night she spoke of him with a sort of pitiful pride yet with an air as if she had to defend him perhaps even to herself i m an old woman she said and my own life seems to me like an old book that i read so long ago that i only half remember it it is forty years since i was engaged it is strange i had never known of this before but i suppose it passed out of people s minds before i was old enough to notice i never knew you had been engaged miss i said then your mother never told you what she did for me she answered looking into the fire that was like her she was more than a mother to me at the time she broke off and then repeated it was like her not to speak of it there are few women like your mother we were both silent for a time and i had to struggle not to break down miss sat looking into the fire with the tears running down her wrinkled cheeks she did not seem conscious of them and the thought came to me that there had been so much sadness in her life that she was too accustomed to tears to notice them it is forty years she said again i was called a beauty then though you d find that hard to believe now when i m like an old in a i suppose no young person ever really believes that an old woman can have been beautiful unless there s a picture to prove it i show you a some time though after all what difference does it make at least he thought another silence came here the embers in the fire march dropped softly and the dull march twilight gathered more and more thickly i felt as if i were being led into some sacred room closed many years but where the dead had once lain perhaps it was fanciful but it seemed almost as if i were seeing the place where poor miss s youth had died it was n t proper that i should marry him i know now father was right only sometimes for myself i suppose i hadn t proper pride and i should n t have minded but father was right a could n t marry a of course i knew it all along and i vowed to myself over and over that i would n t care for him when a girl tells herself that she won t love a man she broke in with a bitter laugh the thing s done already it was so with me i need n t have promised not to love him if i had n t given him my whole heart already what a girl calls her heart i would n t own it and over and over i told him that i did n t care for him and then at last it was terrible to hear the voice in which she spoke she seemed to be choking and it was all that i could do to keep control of myself i could not have spoken even if there had been anything to say i wanted to take her in my arms and get her pitiful tear stained face hidden but i only sat quiet well we were engaged at last and i knew father would never consent but i hoped something would happen when we are young enough we all hope the wildest things will happen and we shall get what we want then father found out and then and then i don t blame father he was right i see now that he was right of course it would n t have done but then it almost killed me if it had n t been the of a saint for your mother dear i think i should have died i wanted to die but i had to take care of father i put out my hand and got hold of hers but i could not speak the tears dropped down so that they sparkled in the but she did not wipe them away i was crying myself for her old sorrow and mine seemed all part of the one great pain of the race somehow i felt as if to be a woman meant something so sad that i dared not think of it and the hardest was that he thought i was wrong to give him up he could not see it as i did and of course it was natural that he could n t understand how father would feel about the family i could never explain it to him and i could n t have borne to hurt his feelings by telling him is he he is dead my dear he married over at and i hope he was happy i think probably he was men are happy sometimes when a woman would n t be i hope he was happy that was the whole of it we sat there silent until came to call us to supper when we stood up i put my arms about her and kissed her then she made a joke and wiped her eyes and through supper she was so gay that i could hardly keep back the tears poor poor lonely brave miss march cousin arrived yesterday according to her usual fashion preceded by a i tell her that if she followed her real inclinations she would her from the station and then race the messenger but she is constrained by her breeding to be a little more deliberate so i have the few hours of her journey in which to expect her it march is all part of her brisk way she can never move fast enough | 3 |
talk quickly enough get through whatever she is doing with rapidity enough i remember father s telling her once that she would never have patience to lie and wait for the day of judgment but would get up every century or two to hurry things along it always seems as if she would wear herself to in a week yet here she is more lively at sixty than i am at less than half that age she was very kind and softened wonderfully when she spoke of mother i think that she loved her more than she does any creature now alive aunt she said last night was n t human she was far too for that but she was too sweet and human for an angel for my part i think she was something far better than either and far more sensible this was a speech so characteristic that it brought me to tears and smiles together to night cousin came to the point of her errand with customary i came down she said to see how soon you expect to arrange to live with me i had n t expected anything about it i returned of course you would keep the house she went on entirely my feeble protest you might want to come back sometimes this summer i m going to take you to europe i am too much accustomed to her habit of planning things to be taken entirely by surprise but it did rather take my breath away to find my future so completely disposed of i felt almost as if i were not even to have a chance to protest but i never thought of giving up the house i managed to say the of a saint of course not why should you she returned briskly you have money enough to keep up the place and live where you please don t i know that for this ten years you and aunt have n t spent half your income keep it of course for as i say sometimes you may like to come back for old times sake i could only stare at her and laugh oh you laugh cousin remarked more forcibly than ever but you ought to understand that i ve taken charge of you we are all that are left of the family now and i m the head of it you are a foolish thing anyway and let everybody impose on your good nature you need somebody to look after you if i d had you in charge you d never have got tangled up in that foolish engagement i m glad you had the sense to break it i felt as if she had given me a blow in the face but i could not answer don t blush like that cousin commanded it s all over and you know i always said you were a fool to marry a country lawyer father was a country lawyer i retorted cousin was a judge and a man whose writings had given him a wide reputation don t outrage his memory by calling him a rustic for my part i never had any patience with him for burying himself in the country like a you forget that mother s health i began but with cousin one is never sure of being allowed to complete a sentence oh yes she interrupted of course i forgot well if there could be an excuse aunt would serve for anything i beg your pardon march but now all tliat is past and gone and fortunately the family is still well enough remembered in boston for you to take up life there with very little trouble that s what i had in mind ten years ago when i insisted on your coming out people who saw me then will hardly remember me the folks that knew your father and mother she went on serenely are of course old people like me but they will help you to know the younger generation besides those you know will not have forgotten you a is not so easily forgotten and you were an uncommonly pretty bud what a fool you were not to marry i you always were a fool cousin generally a compliment in this manner and it prevents me from being too much elated by her praise she was interrupted here by the necessity of going to prepare for supper miss did not come over to day so we were alone together no sooner were we seated at the supper table than she to the attack when you live in boston she said i shall suppose i should not live in boston i interrupted but you will what else should you do i might go on living here living here she cried out you don t call this living do you how long is it since you heard any music or saw a picture or went to the theatre or had any society i was forced to confess that music and painting and acting were all entirely lacking in but i the of a saint remarked that i had all the books that attracted me and i protested against her saying i had n t any society oh you see human beings now and then cousin observed coolly and i dare say they are very worthy creatures but you know yourself they are not society you haven t forgotten the year i brought you out i have not forgotten it of course and i cannot deny that when i think of that winter in boston the year i was nineteen i do feel a little mournful sometimes it was all so delightful and it is all so far away now i hardly heard what cousin said next i was thinking how a home in boston would be and how completely alone as for family i am cousin is the only near relative i have in | 3 |
the world and why should i not be with her it would be delightful perhaps i may manage to get in a week or two in town now and then but i cannot go away for long there would be nobody to start the reading or keep up the shakespeare club and what would become of e and or of all that dreadful tribe i dare say i am too proud of my consequence and that if i went away somebody would be found to look after things still i know i am useful here and it seems to me i am really needed besides i love the place and the people and i think my friends love me march cousin went home to day is at hand and she has a bonnet from paris a perfect dream of a bonnet she said with the enthusiasm of a girl dove colored velvet and march and steel beads and two or three white tips a bonnet an angel could n t resist and this bonnet must form part of the church service on the connection between paris and the proper of the day is not clear in my mind but when i said something of this sort to cousin she me with great gravity there is nothing in worse form than making jokes about sacred subjects your bonnet is n t sacred i retorted for i cannot resist sometimes the temptation to her or at least it can t be till it s been to church on you know what i mean was her answer when you live with me i shall insist upon your speaking respectfully of the church i was n t speaking of the church i persisted laughing at the gravity with which she always takes up its i was speaking of your bonnet your paris bonnet your bonnet your frivolous giddy girlish bonnet oh you may think it too young for me she said eagerly forgetting the church in her excitement but it is n t really it s as modest and appropriate as anything you ever saw and so becoming and oh i can always trust your taste cousin i told her but you know you re a worldly old thing you d insist upon having your robes fitted by a fashionable tailor again she looked grave and shocked in a flash how can you you are a worse heathen than ever but then there is no church in so i suppose it is not to be wondered at that s another reason for taking you away from this wilderness the of a saint there are two churches as you know very well i said nonsense they re only meeting houses however when you come to boston to live we will see i told you last night that i shouldn t give up i know you did but i did n t mind that you must give it up she went away upon this and refusing to accept any other decision i did so far yield as to promise that i would go abroad with her this summer i need to see the world with a broader view again and i shall enjoy it to think of the picture fills me with joy already i should be willing to cross the atlantic just to see once more the tailor of s in the national gallery it is odd it comes into my mind at this moment that he looks something like tom or tom looks something like him very likely it is all nonsense yes i will go for the summer to leave here altogether no that is not to be thought of march the whole town is excited over an accident up at the lake this morning a man and his son were drowned by breaking through the ice they had been up to some of the and it is said they were not sober they were and part of the family in the little red house the mother and the daughter are left i hope it is not heartless to hate to think of them i have no doubt that they suffer like others only it is not likely folk of this sort are as sensitive as we are it is a mercy that they are not march march the family seems just now to be forced upon my attention and that in no pleasant way aunt came in this and seated herself with an air of mysterious importance she looked at me with her keen eyes penetrating and humorous even when she is most serious and seemed to be examining me to discover what i was thinking it was evident at once that she had news this is generally true for she seems always to have something to tell her mind news as salt moisture and her greatest pleasure is to impart what she has heard she has generally with me the air of being a little uncertain how i may receive her tidings like all persons of strong mind and a sense of humor she is by nature in sympathy with the habit of looking at life frankly and and i believe that secretly and only half she me my mental freedom sometimes i have suspected her of leading me on to say things which she would have felt it wrong to say herself because they are but which she has too much common sense not to with she is convinced though that such freedom of thought as mine is wrong and she nobly herself of the pleasure of being frank in her thoughts when this would involve any reflection upon the which are her rule of life she a lively mind by feeding it on scraps of gossip and on them in her way she is never unkind in her thought i am sure but she does sometimes say sharp things like lady however she people | 3 |
out of pure good nature i looked at her this morning as she sat swinging her foot and there is no other word for it the of a saint her green and i wondered as i have often wondered before how a woman really so clever could be content to pass so much of her time in the gathering and of mere i suppose that it is because there is so little in the village to appeal to the intellectual side of her and her mind must be occupied she might be a brilliant woman in a wider sphere now she seems something like a in building of and boots on a floor i confess too that i wondered as i looked at her if she represented my future i thought of cousin s of what i should come to if i stay in and i tried to decide whether i should come in time to be like aunt a general of news from house to house an old maid aunt to the whole village with no real kindred and with no interests wider than those of village gossip i cannot believe it but i suppose at my age she would not have believed it of herself we re really getting to be quite like a city aunt said with a which showed me there was something important behind this remark are we i responded i confess i don t see how she there s wickedness here that isn t generally looked for outside of the city oh wickedness i i said there is plenty of that everywhere i suppose but i never have thought we have more than our share of it she her foot more violently and had what might have seemed a considerable lunch on her green march veil before she spoke again though it is wicked for me to make fun of her then she took a fresh start what are you knitting she asked what started in january to be some for the boy he brings our milk and he never seems to have i don t wonder much was her comment his mother has so many babies that she can t be expected to take care of them poor mrs i said i should think the poor thing would be discouraged i am ashamed that i don t do more for her i don t see that you are called upon to take care of all the poor in the town but if you could stop her increasing her family it d be the best thing you could do when aunt makes a remark like this i feel it is discreet to change the subject i hope that now the weather is getting i observed you are not so cold in prayer meetings she was not diverted even by this chance to dwell on her pet grievance but went her own way i suppose you feel now you ve got to look out for that girl too she said that girl i repeated i tried not to show it but the blood rushed to my heart and made me faint i realized something terrible was coming though i had nothing to go upon but the old gossip about tom and the fact that i had seen him come from the red house her sin has found her out returned aunt with indignant emphasis for my part i don t see what such creatures are allowed to live for think what kind of a mother she will make they d better the of a saint take her and her baby and drown em along with her father and brother aunt was all i could say well t suppose you think i m not very ble but it does make me mad to see that sort of i don t know what you are talking about i interrupted has the girl a child no but she s going to have her mother s gone off and left her and she s down sick with besides her mother has gone yes and it d be good if there was anybody to take care of the girl it is useless to ask aunt how she knows all that goes on in the town she news from the air i believe i reflected that she is not always right and i hoped now she might be mistaken but somebody must be with her if she s down with i said yes that old woman s there the of the poor sent her but she s about twice as bad as nobody i should think if i was sick and she came round i know i d ask her to go away and let me die in peace it was evident enough that aunt was a good deal stirred up but i did not dare to ask her why if there is anything worse behind this scandal i had rather not know it we were fortunately interrupted and aunt went soon so i heard no more i was sick with the of having tom connected in my thought with that wretched girl and i do hope that it is only my foolishness he cannot have fallen to such depths march march i have heard no more from the and i must hope things were somehow not as aunt thought to day i learned that she is shut up with a cold i must go in to morrow and see her miss is a gi eat comfort the dear old soul begins really to look better and the about her lips is yielding to good feeding she tells me stories of the old people of the town whom i can just remember and she is full of reverence for both father and mother of course i never talk with her but i am surprised sometimes to find that under the shell of her is a good | 3 |
deal of i suppose any kindly mortal who accepted the old made for those nearest and dearest and human nature will always make for itself i should think that an imaginative belief in a creed a belief that realized the cruelty of must either drive one mad or make one from simple horror nobody but a savage could worship a god and not become insane from the horror of being in the clutch of an power march i have had a most painful visit from he came in looking so gray and old that it shocked me to see him he shook hands as if he did not know what he was doing and then sat down in a dazed way slowly his hat and fixing his eyes on it as if he were blind i tried to say something but only stumbled on in little about the weather to which he paid so little attention that it was evident he had no idea what i was saying in a minute or two i was reduced to silence one cannot go on saying mechanical the of a saint in the face of suffering and it was impossible not to see that was in grievous pain i said at last when i could not bear the silence any longer what is the matter he raised his eyes to mine with a look of pitiful helplessness i ve no right to come to you miss he said in his slow way but there s nobody else and you always were tom s friend tom i repeated what has happened it is n t a thing to talk to a woman about he went on and you have to excuse me miss i m sure you will it s that girl i sat silent and i felt my hands growing cold she s had a baby he said after a moment the simple bald fact was horrible as he said it i could not speak and after a little hesitation he continued in a tone so low i could scarcely hear him it s his think of the shame of it and the sin of it it seems to me if it could only have been the lord s will i would have been glad to die rather than to have this happen my son the wail of his voice went to my heart and made me shiver i would have given anything i possessed to comfort him but what could i say shame is worse than death when one dies you can at least speak of the happiness that has been and the consolation of the memory of this in disgrace whatever has been good before makes the shame only the harder to bear what could i say to a father mourning the sin and the disgrace of his only son it seemed to me a long time that we sat there silent at last he said i did n t come just to make you feel bad miss march i want you to tell me what i ought to do what i can do i ought to do something to help the girl bad as she is she s sick and she s a woman i don t know where tom is and i m that baby s grandfather his voice choked but he went on of course i ought not to trouble you but i don t know what to do i don t know what to do my wife the poor old man stopped he is not polished but he has the instinct of a good man to screen his wife and plainly was afraid he might say something which would seem to reflect on her my wife he said evidently changing the form of his words is dreadfully put out as she naturally would be and of course i don t like to talk much with her about it i thought you might help me miss never in my life have i felt more helpless i tried to think clearly but the only thing i could do was to try to comfort him i have no remembrance of what i said and i believe it made very little difference what he wanted was sympathy i had no counsel to give but i think i sent daniel away somewhat comforted i could only advise him to wait and see what was needed he of course must have thought of this himself but he liked to have me agree with him and be good to him he will do his duty and what is more he will do his best but he will do it with very little help from mrs i am afraid poor daniel i could have put my arms round his neck and kissed his weather beaten cheek but he would not have understood i suppose he would have been frightened half out of his wits and very likely would have thought that i had suddenly gone mad the of a saint it is so to comfort a slow minded person he cannot see what you mean by a caress yet i hope that daniel went away somewhat oh if tom could only realize the sorrow i saw in his father s eyes i think he would have his punishment march when said last night that he did not know where tom was i thought for just a moment of the sealed address tom left me i was so taken up with pity however that the thought passed from my mind after the was gone i wondered whether i should have spoken of the letter but it seemed to me that it was better to have said nothing i thought i should open it before saying anything and i needed to consider whether the time had come when i was justified in reading it tom trusted me and i was bound by that yet surely | 3 |
power to do harm april i found myself so running last night in that it seemed just as well to go to bed or no i was besides too tired to write down my interview with mrs april i was just about to go home for a bath and a nap after watching that first night when without even knocking mrs opened the outside door i was in the kitchen and so met her before she got further naturally i was surprised to see her at six o clock in the day good morning i said i knew you were here yesterday she said by way of return for my greeting but i thought i d get here before you came back this morning i have been here all night i answered she looked at me with her piercing black eyes which always seem to go into the very recesses of one s thoughts and then in a manner rather less remarked i ve come to speak to this girl you know well enough why i m afraid you can t see her i answered the latter part of her words she is not so well this morning and dr told us to keep her as quiet as possible mrs leaned forward with an expression on her face which made me look away is she going to die she demanded i turned away and began to close the door i could not bear her manner she has too much cause to hate the girl but just then with the poor thing sick to the very point of death i could never have felt as she looked i m sure i hope not i returned we expect to have a professional nurse to morrow and then things will go better a professional nurse yes we have sent to boston for one the of a saint sent to boston for a nurse for that creature she s a great deal better dead she only leads men if you will excuse me mrs interrupted i pushing the door still nearer to closing i ought to go back to my patient it is n t my business to decide who had better be dead she started forward suddenly taking me unawares and before i understood what she intended she had thrust herself through the door into the house if it is n t your business she demanded sharply what are you here for what right have you to interfere if providence is willing to take the creature out of the way what are you trying to keep her alive for i put up my hand and stopped her will you be quiet i said i cannot have her disturbed you cannot she repeated raising her voice who gave you a right to order me round is this your house i knew that her shrill voice would easily penetrate to s bedroom and indeed there was only a thin door between the sick girl and the kitchen where we were i took mrs by the wrist as strongly as i could and before she could collect her wits i led her out of the house and down to the gate what are you doing she demanded how dare you drag me about i beg your pardon i said dropping my hold i think you did not understand mrs that as nurse i cannot have my patient excited she looked at me in a of anger i have never seen a woman so carried away by rage and it is april frightful yet she seemed to be making an effort to control herself i was anxious to help her if i could so i forced a smile although i am afraid it was not a very warm one and i assumed as a manner as i could muster you must think i was rather abrupt i said but i did not mean to be i could n t explain to you in the kitchen the is so thin you see she s in the room that opens out of it mrs softened somewhat it is very noble of you to be here she said in a new tone and one which i must confess did not to me have a genuine ring it s splendid of you but what s the use of it what affair of yours is it anyway i was tempted to serve her up a quotation about a certain man who went down to and fell among thieves but i resisted i could come mrs and apparently nobody else could they would n t she rejoined frankly don t you see everybody else knew it was a case to be let alone i asked her why everybody felt as if it was responded she quickly i hope you don t set up to be wiser than everybody else put together i don t set up for anything i declared but i may as well confess that i see no sense in what you say here s a human creature that needs help and it seems to be my place to help her it s a nice occupation for the daughter of judge to be nursing a thing like a a i answered is likely to be able to the of a saint stand it yoa would n t let the girl die alone would you she was n t alone mrs was here you wouldn t let her die with mrs then mrs looked me straight in the eye for a moment with a look as hard as polished steel yes she said i would i could only stare at her in silence there she went on make the best of that i m not going to be mouthed i would let her die and be glad of it why should i want her alive do you think i ve no human feelings do you think i d ever forgive | 3 |
her for dragging tom into the mud i ve been on my knees half the night praying she and her might both die and leave us in peace i if there s any justice in heaven a man like won t be loaded down with the disgrace of a like that there was a sort of fascination in her growing everybody knows how she at the of her husband and that she is continually saying he has n t any force but here she was catching at his goodness as a sort of bribe to heaven to let her have the life of mother and child i could not answer her but could only be thankful no houses were near mrs would hear i supposed but that could not be helped what do you know about how i feel she demanded down upon me so that i involuntarily shrank back against the fence it is all very pretty for you to have ideas of charity and play at taking care of the sick i dare say you mean well enough miss but this is n t a case for you go april home and let providence take care of that girl god u look after her i stood up straight and faced her in my turn stop i i cried i m not a in half the things you are but i do have some respect for the name of god if you mean to kill this girl don t try to lay the blame on providence she shrank as if i had struck her then she rallied again with a sneer i think i know better than an what it is right to say about my own religion was her retort somehow the words appealed to my sense of humor and unconsciously i smiled well i said we will not dispute about words only i think you had better go now perhaps my slight smile vexed her perhaps it was only that she saw i was off my guard she turned quickly and before i had any notion of what she intended she had run swiftly up the path to the house i followed instantly the idea of having a personal encounter with mrs was shocking but i could not let her go to trouble without making an effort to stop her i thought i might reach the door first but she was too quick for me before i could prevent her she had crossed the kitchen and opened the door of the sick room i followed and we came almost together into the room although she was a few steps in advance she went hastily to the bed had been awakened by the noise and stared at mrs in a fright oh here you are are you mrs began how did you dare to say that my son was the father of your i d like to have you whipped you nasty mrs i said resolutely if you do not the of a saint leave the house instantly i will have you arrested before the sun goes down she was diverted from her attack upon and wheeled round to me arrested she echoed you can t do it i can do it and you know me well enough to know that if i say it i mean it i m not a lawyer s daughter for nothing go out of the house this instant and leave that sick girl alone do you want to kill her she blazed at me with eyes that might have put me to flight if i had had only myself to defend do you think i want her to live i told you once she ought to be out of the way do you think you are doing a favor to tom by keeping this thing alive i took her by the wrist again you had better go i said you heard what i said i mean it i confess that now i consider it all the threat to have her arrested seems rather silly and i do not see how i could well have carried it out at the moment it appeared to me the simplest thing in the world and at least it effected my purpose to frighten mrs with the law she turned slowly toward the door but as she went she looked over her shoulder at you are a nice thing to try to keep alive she sneered the doctor says you haven t a chance and you d better be making your peace with god i would n t have your heap of sins on my head for anything i put my hand over her lips mrs i said take her other arm mrs who had apparently been too con april to understand what was going on and had stood with her mouth wide open in eyed astonishment did as i commanded and we led mrs out of the room i mrs back into the bedroom to look after and shut the door behind her then i took mrs by the shoulders and looked her in the face i had rather have that girl s sins on my head than yours i said you came here with murder in your heart and you would be glad to kill her outright if you dared if you have not murdered her as it is you may be thankful i felt as if i was as much of a as she but something had to be done she looked as if she were as much astonished as impressed but she went only at the door she turned back to say i come again to see my after that i hardly dared to leave the house but i got to stand guard while i was at home she has a deep seated dislike for mrs and i fear would greatly have enjoyed an encounter with her but mrs did not return | 3 |
now that i go over it all i seem to have been engaged in a but i do not see what else there was for me to do was so terrified and excited that i had to send for dr as soon as i could find anybody to go i set mrs to watch for a and she took her pipe and went placidly to sleep before the door i had to be with yet keep running out to spy for a messenger and it was an hour before i caught one by the time the doctor got to us the girl was in declaring she did not want to die she did not dare to die could not would not die all that day she was the of a saint constantly starting out of her sleep with a cry and by the time night had come i began to feel that mrs would have her wish april that night was a dreadful one to me the nurse from boston had not come and i could not leave the girl alone with mrs indeed seemed more and more i think she took advantage of the fact that she no longer felt any responsibility the smell of spirits and tobacco about her grew continually stronger and i was kept from sending her away altogether only by the fact that it did not seem right for me to be alone with no house is near and if anything happened in the night i should have been without help was evidently worse the excitement of mrs s visit had told on her and whenever she went to sleep she began to cry out in a way that was most painful about the middle of the night that dreadfully forlorn time when the day that is past has utterly died out and nothing shows the hope of another to come woke moaning and crying she started up in bed her eyes really terrible to see her cheeks crimson with fever and her black hair tangled all about her face oh i am dying she shrieked for the instant i thought that she was right and it was dreadful to hear her i shall die and go to hell she cried oh pray pray i caught at my scattered wits and tried to soothe her she clung to me as if she were in the greatest physical terror april i am dying she kept repeating oh can t you do something for me can t you save me oh i can t die i can t die she was so wild that her screams awakened mrs who came running in half dressed as she had a child she said coming up to the bed if you was dying do you think you d have strength to like that the rough question had more effect than my efforts to calm the girl she sank back on the pillow sobbing and staring at mrs i ain t got no strength she insisted i know i m goin to die right away nonsense was mrs s response i know when folks is i guess i ve seen enough of um you re all right if you stop like a blame fool i see now that this was exactly the way in which the girl needed to be talked to it was her own language and she understood it at the time it seemed to me brutal and i interposed there mrs i said as soothingly as i could you are rather hard on she is too sick to be talked to so contemptuously and after looking at us a moment apparently decided that the emergency was not of enough importance to keep her from her rest so she returned to her interrupted i comforted my patient as well as i and fortunately she was not again violent still she moaned and cried and kept urging me to pray for her pray for me pray for me i she kept repeating the of a saint oh can t you pray and keep me from hell miss there was but one thing to be done if prayer was the thing which would comfort her evidently i ought to pray with her i will pray if you will be quiet i said i cannot if you go on like this i u be stiu i ll be still she cried eagerly only pray quick i down by the bed and repeated the lord s prayer as slowly and as as i could the girl who seemed to regard it as a sort of spell against invisible terrors clutched my hand with a desperate grasp but as i went on the pressure of her hot fingers relaxed before i had finished she had fallen asleep as abruptly as she had awakened i sat watching her thinking what a strange thing is this belief in prayer the words i had said are beautiful but i do not suppose this made an impression on to her the prayer was a a spell to ward her soul from the dark terrors of satan a charm against the powers of the air i wondered if i should be happier if i could share this belief in the power of men to move the unseen by but i reflected that this would imply the continual discomfort of believing in invisible beings who would do me harm unless properly and i was glad to be as i am the faith of some christians is so noble so sweet so tender that it is not always easy to realize how are the conditions of mind which make it possible when one sees the crude superstition of a creature like it is not difficult to be glad to be above a feeling so ignorant and degrading when i see the beautiful tenderness april of religion in its best aspect i am glad it can be so fine and so comforting | 3 |
but i am glad i am not limited in that way my prayer with had one unexpected result while i was at home in the morning mr came to see her the visit was most kind and i think it did her good he did some real praying mrs explained to me afterward course d rather have that my efforts in the line had more effect so far as i could judge upon mr than upon i met him when i was going back to the house and he stopped me with an expression of gladness and triumph in his face my dear miss he said i am so glad that at last you have come to realize the of prayer i was so astonished at the remark that for the moment i did not realize what he meant i don t understand i said enough my look perhaps confused him a little and his face lost something of its brightness that poor girl told me of your praying with her last night when she thought she was dying yes i repeated before i realized what i was saying she thought she was dying then i reflected that it was useless to hurt his feelings and i did not explain i could not wound him by saying that if had wanted me to repeat a charm and i had known one i should have done it in the same spirit i wanted to make the poor thing comfortable and if a prayer could soothe her there was no reason why i should not say one people think because i do not believe in it i have the of a saint a prejudice against prayer but really i think there is something touching and noble in the attitude of a mind that can in sincerity and in faith give itself up to an ideal as one must in praying it seems to me a pathetic mistake but i can appreciate the good side of it only to suppose that i believe because i said a prayer to please a frightened sick girl is absurd it is well that we are not read by others for our thoughts would often be too poor mr would have been dreadfully if he had realized i was thinking as we stood there how like my saying this prayer for was to my to s she believes that crosses cut out of a leaf of the bible and stuck on her feet take away the but she regards it as wicked to cut up a bible i have an old one that i keep for the purpose and she comes to me every winter for a supply we began at the end and are going backwards is about used up now she evidently thinks that as i am a anyway the extra condemnation which must come from my act will make no especial difference and i am entirely willing to run the risk still it is better mr did not read my thought i wish you might be brought into the fold the clergyman said after a moment of silence i could only thank him and go on my way april yesterday the new nurse miss arrived and great is the comfort of having her here she is a plain simple body in her neat uniform rather except for her snapping black eyes her eyes are at with the calmness of her and give one the impression that april there is a somewhere within she interests me much largely i fancy from the suggestion about her of having had a history she is swift and yet silent in her motions and understands what she has to do so well that i felt like an awkward beside her she disposed of mrs with a turn of the hand as it were somehow managing that the old woman was out of the house within an hour with her pipe and all yet without any fuss or any mrs had the appearance of being too dazed to be angry although i fancy when she has had time to think matters over she will be indignantly at having been so i pity you more for having that sort of a woman in the house than for having to take care of the pa miss miss said i don t see what the lord such folks in the world f or without it is to up our christian charity she would mine into i m afraid i answered laughing i confess it has been about all i could do to stay in the house with her to night i can sleep peacefully in my own bed secure that is well taken care of the girl seems to me to be worse instead of better and dr does not give much encouragement i suppose it is better for her to die but it is cruel that she wants so to live she is horribly afraid of death and she wants so much to live that it is pitiful to reflect it is possible she may not what is there she can hope for she does not seem to care for the child this is because she is so ill i think for anybody must be touched by the helplessness of the little pink thing it is like a little mouse i saw the of a saint in my childhood and which made a great impression on me that was naked of hair just so wrinkled so pink so it was not in the least pretty any more than the baby is but somehow it touched all the tenderness there was in me and i cried for days because gave it to the cat i feel much in the same way about this baby i have not the least feeling toward it as a human being i am afraid to me it is just embodied just a little pink helpless bunch of | 3 |
april miss came just in time i could not have gone through to night without her i think i could not have stayed quiet by s beside although i am as far as possible from being able to sleep to night just as the evening was falling and i was almost ready to come home i heard a knock at the door miss was in the room with so i answered the knock myself i opened the door to find myself face to face with tom the shock of seeing his white face staring at me out of the dusk was so great that i had to steady myself against the door post he did not put out his hand but greeted me only by taking off his hat father said you were here he began in a strained voice yes i answered feeling my throat contract i am here now but i am going home soon i was so moved and so confused that i could not think i had longed for him to come i could not have borne that he should have been so base as not to come and yet now that he was here i would have given anything to have him away he had to come april he had to bear his part of the consequences of wrong but it was horrible to me for him to be so near that dreadful girl and it was worse because i pitied her because she was so helpless so pathetic so near even to death we stood in the dusk for what seemed to me a long time without further speech tom must have found it hard to know what to say at such a time he looked at me with a sort of wild desperation then he cleared his throat and his lips i have come he said what do you want me to do i could not bear to have him seem to put the responsibility on me i did not send for you i answered quickly he gave me the wan ghost of a smile do you suppose that i should have come of myself he returned what i do i would not take the burden the decision must be his you must do what you think right i said then i added with a queer feeling as if i were thinking aloud what you think right to her and to to the baby his face darkened and i was glad that i had not said your baby i understood it was natural for him to look angry at the thought of the child the unwelcome and of what he would have kept hidden and yet somehow i resented his look the baby is not to blame tom i said it has every right to blame you to blame me he repeated if it has to bear a shame all its life whose fault is it its own or yours if it has been born to a life the of a saint like that of its mother it certainly has no occasion to thank you he turned his flushed and face away from me and looked out into the darkening sky i could see how he was holding himself in check and that it was hard for him i hated to be there to be seeing him to be talking over a matter that it was intolerable even to think about but since i was there i wanted to help him only i did not know how i wanted to give him my hand but i somehow shrank from touching his i felt as if it was wicked and cruel to hold back but between us came continually the consciousness of and that little red baby sleeping in the clothes basket i am now to think of it but the truth is that i was a brute to tom suddenly tom turned for a moment toward the west so that the little lingering light of the dying day fell on his face and i saw by his set lips and the look in his eyes that he had come to some determination then he faced me slowly he said i would go down into hell for you and i m going to do something that is worse what s past it s no use to make excuses for and you re too good to understand if i told you how i got into this foul mess now he stopped with a catch in his voice and i wanted more than i can tell to say something to help him but no words came i could not think i wanted to comfort him as i comfort when she is desperate the evident difficulty he had in keeping his self control moved me more than anything he could have said i marry the girl he burst out in a moment you are right about the baby it s no matter about she is n t of any account anyway and she never april expected me to marry her i never see her after she s after i ve done it it makes me sick to think of her but i do what i can for the baby he stopped and caught his breath i could feel in the dusk rather than see that he looked up as if he were trying to read my face in the darkness i will marry her he went on on one condition what is that i asked with my throat so dry that it ached that you will take the child i think now that we must both have spoken like talking by machinery i hardly seemed to myself to be alive and real but this proposition awoke me like a blow i could at first only gasp too much overcome to bring out a word but its mother i managed to at last if | 3 |
i m to marry her for the sake of the child he answered in a voice i hardly recognized it would be perfect to leave it to grow up with the if that s to be the plan i save myself does n t mind not being married you don t know what a tribe the are it s an insult for me to be talking to you about them only it can t be helped is it a boy or a girl i told him and you think a girl ought to be left to follow the noble example of the mother i oh no no i cried out anything is better than that that is what must happen unless you take the poor thing he said in a voice which though it was hard seemed somehow to have a quiver in it but would she give the baby up i asked she s its mother the of a saint she be only too glad to get rid of it anyway she d do what i told her to i tried to think clearly and quickly to have the baby left to follow in the steps of its mother was a thing too terrible to be endured and yet i shrank from taking upon my shoulders the responsibility of training the child whatever tom decided about the marriage however i felt that he should not have to resolve under pressure if he were doing it for the sake of the baby s future i could clear his way of that i could not bear the thought of having tom marry this would be a bond on his whole life and yet i could not feel that he had a right to it now if i agreed to take the child that would leave him free to decide without being pushed on by fear about the baby my mind seemed to me wonderfully clear i see now it was all in a whirl and that the only thing i was sure of was that if it would help him for me to take the baby there was nothing else for me to do tom i said i do not and i will not decide for you and i will not have anything to do with conditions if she will give me the baby i will take it and you may decide the rest without any reference to that at all he took a step forward so quickly and so fiercely that he startled me and put out his hand as if he meant to take me by the arm then he dropped it do you think he said that i would have an near you it is bad enough as it is but you shall not have the reproach of that my cheeks grew hot but the whole talk was so strange and so painful that i let this pass with the rest i cannot tell how i felt but i know the re april of it makes my eyes swim so that i cannot write without stopping continually and i am writing here half the night because i cannot sleep i could not answer tom i only stood silent until he spoke again i know i can t have you he said and i know you were right i m not good enough for you i never said that i interrupted i never thought that never mind it s true but i d have been a man if you d have given me a chance oh tom i broke in don t i it is not fair to make me responsible no he acknowledged with the shake of his shoulders i have known ever since we were children you are not to blame it s only my infernal self i could not bear this either everything that was said hurt me and it seemed to me that i had borne all that i could endure will you go away now tom i begged him i i can t talk any more to night shall i tell you have come he gave a start at the name and swore under his breath it is for you to be here with that girl he burst out bitterly and i brought it on you i it is n t your place though where are all the christians and church members i suppose all the pious are too good to come they might get their oh how i hate don t tom i interrupted go away please my voice was and indeed i was fast getting the of a saint to the place where i should have broken down in hysterical weeping i go he responded quickly i come in the morning with a minister will eight o clock do i d like to get it over with the bitterness of his tone was too much for me i caught one of his hands in both of mine oh tom i said are you quite sure this is what you ought to do do you teu me not to marry her he demanded fiercely i was completely i could only drop his hand and press my own on my bosom as if this would help me to breathe easier oh no no i cried half sobbing i can t i can t i have n t the right to say anything but i do think it is the thing you ought to do only you are so noble to do it i he made a sound as if he would answer and then he turned away suddenly and dashed off with great strides i could not go back into the house but came home without saying good night or letting miss know i must be ready to go back as soon as it is light april it seems so far back to this morning that i might have had time to change | 3 |
into a different person and yet most of the day i have simply been longing to get home and think quietly i wanted to myself to the new condition of things last night the idea that tom should marry the girl was so strange and unreal that it could make very little impression on me now it is done it is more real than anything else in the world april i went down to the red house almost before light hut even as early as i came i found tom already there the nurse had objected to letting him in and even when i came she was evidently uncertain whether she had done right in admitting him but tom has generally a way of getting what he is determined on and before i reached the house everything had been arranged with i wanted to come before folks were about to see me tom said to me there be talk enough later and i d rather be out of the way i ve arranged it with her does she understand i began but he interrupted she understands all there is to understand all that she could understand anyway she knows i m marrying her for the sake of the child and that you re to have it the boy that i have hired to sleep in the house now mrs is gone in order that miss may have somebody within call appeared at this minute with a of water and we were interrupted the boy stared with all his eyes and i was half tempted to ask him not to speak of tom s being here but i reflected with a sick feeling that it was of no use to try to hide what was to be done if tom s act was to have any significance it must be known i turned away with tears in my eyes and went to i found with her eyes shining with excitement and i could see that despite tom s idea that she did not care about the marriage she was greatly moved by it oh miss she cried out at once ain t he the of a saint good he s truly goin to marry me after all i never he d do that you must have thought i began and then with a sinking consciousness of the difference between her world and mine i stopped and he says you want the baby she went on not noticing though i what you want of it it be a bother for yer mr wanted me to take it and bring it up well remarked with feeble i would n t f i was you are you willing i should have it i asked oh i m willing anything he wants was her answer he s awful good to marry me he never said he would he s real white he is she was quiet a moment and then she broke out in a burst of joy i never i d marry a real gentleman i she cried her shallow delight in marrying above her station was too pathetic to be offensive i was somehow so moved by it that i turned away to hide my face from her but she caught my hand and drew me back then she peered at me closely you don t like it she said excitedly you won t try to stop him no i answered i think he ought to do it for the sake of his child she dropped her hold and a curious look came into her face that s what he said yer don t either of yer seem to count me for much i was silent convicted to the soul that i had not april counted her for much i had accepted tom s decision as right not for the sake of this broken this doomed to shame from her cradle but for the sake purely of the baby that i was to take it came over me how i might have been influenced too much by the selfish thought that it would be intolerable for me to have the child unless it had been as far as might be by this marriage i flushed with shame and without knowing exactly what i was doing i bent over and kissed her it is you he i said her tears sprang instantly tears i believe of pure happiness you re real good she murmured and then closed her eyes whether from weakness or to conceal her emotion i could not be sure it was nearly eight before mr came tom has never been on good terms with mr and it must have been easier for him to have a clergyman with whom be had never i suppose exchanged a word than one who knew him and his people i took the precaution to say at once to mr that was too ill to bear much and that he must not say a word more than was necessary i will only offer prayer he returned i know mr s prayers i have heard them at when i have been tempted to wonder whether he were not attempting to fill the interval between us and the return of the lost at the i am afraid it will not do i told him you do not realize how feeble she is then i will only give them the blessing perhaps the of a saint i might talk with mr afterward or pray with him i knew that if this proposition were made to tom he would say something which would wound the clergyman s feelings mr i urged if you pardon me i would n t try to say anything to him just now he is doing a thing and a thing that s noble but it must be terribly hard i don t think he could endure to have anybody talk to him he | 3 |
have to be left to fight it out for himself it was not easy to convince mr for when once a narrow man gets an idea of duty he can see nothing else but i managed in the end to save tom at least the irritation of having to fight off religious appeals the ceremony was as brief as possible it was touching to see how humble and yet how proud was she seemed to feel that tom was a sort of god in his goodness in marrying her and after all perhaps she was partly right his coldness only made her i wondered how far she was conscious of his evident shrinking from her he seemed to hate even to touch her fingers i cannot understand april i have had many things to do in the last two days and i find myself so tired with the stress of it all that i have not felt like writing it is perhaps as much from a sort of feverish uneasiness as from anything else i have got out my to night the truth is that i suffer from the almost intolerable suspense of waiting for to die dr and miss both are sure there is no chance whatever of her getting well and i cannot think that it april would be better for her or for tom or for her baby who to be my baby i if she should live we are all a little afraid to say or even to think that it is better for a life of this sort to end and i seem to myself in putting it down in plain words but we cannot be rational without knowing that it is better certain persons should be out of the way for their own as well as for the good of the community and the more quickly the better is a weed poor thing and the sooner she is pulled up the better for the garden and yet i pity her so i i can understand religion easily when i think of lives like hers it is so hard to see the justice of having the weed destroyed for the good of the flowers that men have to invent excuses for the eternal somebody has defined as man s justification of a deity found wanting by human standards and now i realize what this means human mercy could not bear to make a and a power which allows the possibility of such beings has to be excused to human reason the gods that men invent always turn to on their hands if there is a conscious power that he must pity the of our race although i suppose seeing what it is all for and what it all leads to must make it possible to bear the sight of human weakness the baby is growing wonderfully attractive now she is so well fed and attended to i am ashamed to think how little the poor morsel attracted me at first she was so associated with dreadful thoughts and with things which i hated to know and did not wish to remember that i shrank from her perhaps now the fact that she is to be mine me to look at her with different eyes but she is really a dear the of a saint little thing pretty and sweet oh i will try hard to make her life lovely april aunt came in last night almost as soon as i was at home she should not have been out in the night air i think for her cold is really severe and has kept her shut up in the house for a fortnight she was so eager for news however that she could not rest until she had seen me and i am away all day well was her greeting i am glad to see you at home once more i ve begun to feel as if you lived down in that little red house i said i had pretty nearly lived there for the last two weeks but that since miss came i had been able to get home at night most of the time how do you like going out nursing she asked thrusting her tongue into her cheek in that queer way she has i told her i certainly should n t think of choosing it as a profession at least unless i could go to places i hear you had clean up she remarked with a chuckle how did you hear that i asked her i thought you had been with a cold aunt s smile was broad and she swung her foot i ve had all my faculties she answered so i should think you must keep a troop of paid i don t need i just keep my eyes and ears open i wondered in my heart whether she had heard of april the marriage and as if she read the question in my mind she answered it i thought i d like to know one thing though she observed with the air of one who candidly that he is not i d like to know how the new mrs takes his marrying her aunt i burst out in astonishment you are a witch and ought to be looked after by the aunt laughed and her eyes at the agreeable compliment i paid to her cleverness then she suddenly became grave i am not sure she said that i should be willing to have your responsibility in making him marry such a girl i the responsibility entirely and declared i had not even suggested the marriage i told her he had done it for the sake of the child and that the proposition was his and his only she contemptuously with an air which seemed to cast doubts on my very likely he did and i don t suppose you did suggest it | 3 |
picturesque of wild shrubs and blossoms but now it is only chill and barren and neglected the spring has and the tips of the twigs but not enough to make the bushes look really alive yet the heap of clay by the grave too was of a hideous tint and horribly and just as the coffin was being lowered a wild figure suddenly appeared from somewhere behind the of and low which skirt the fence on one side it proved to be old mrs who with rags and and even her gray hair fluttering as she moved half ran down the path toward us she must have been hiding in the woods waiting and i found afterward that she had been seen lurking about yesterday though for some reason she had not been to her house now she had evidently been drinking and she was a dreadful thing to look at i wonder why it is that nature which makes almost any other ruin picturesque never in making the wreck of humanity anything but hideous an old tower an old tree even an old house has somehow a quality that is but an old man is apt to look and an old woman who has given up taking care of herself is repulsive perhaps we cannot see humanity with the impartial eyes with which we regard nature but i do not think this is the whole of it somehow and for some reason an ruin is generally attractive while a human ruin is ugly mrs seemed to me an of the repulsive she made me shudder with some sort of a feeling that she was wicked through and through even the pity she made me feel could not prevent my the of a saint sense that she was vicious i wanted to wash my hands just for having seen her i was ashamed to be so and of course it was because she was so hideous to look at but i do not think i could have borne to have her touch me stop she called out i m the mother of the corpse don t you dare to bury her till i get there i glanced at tom in spite of myself he had been stern and pale au the morning not saying a word more than was necessary but now the color came into his face all at once i could not bear to see him and tried to look at the mother but and pity made me choke she was panting with haste and by the time she reached us and stumbled over something in the path she caught at tom s arm to save herself and there she hung up into his face you did n t mean for me to come did you she broke out half and half she was mine before she was yours you killed her too tom kept himself still though it must have been terribly hard he must have been in agony and i could have sobbed to think how he suffered he grew white as i have never seen him but he did not look at the old woman she was perhaps too distracted with drink and i hope with grief to know what she was doing she turned suddenly and looked at the coffin which rested on the edge of the grave my handsome she oh my handsome i they re all dead now what did you put on her did you make a or put on a dress she has a white i said quickly i saw to everything myself april she turned to me with a air and let go her clasp on tom s arm i m grateful miss she said we ain t much but we re grateful i hope you won t let em bury my handsome till i ve seen her she went on with a manner she was my before she was anybody else s and it ain t goin to hurt nobody for me to see her i d like to see that how much natural grief how much vanity how much excitement was in her wish i cannot tell but there was nothing to do but to have the coffin opened when the face of the dead woman had once more been uncovered to the light the dreadful mother hung over it and now she shrieked for her handsome and in a way that pierced to the then she would fall to laughter over the just like a lady s but then was a lady after she was married miss tom and i stood apart while mr tried to get the excited creature away and the grave looked on with open curiosity i could not help thinking how they would tell the story and of how tom s name would be about in connection with it sometimes i feel as if it were harder to bear the of life than actual sorrows father used to say that pain is personal but vulgarity a of general principles this is one of his sayings which i do not feel that i understand entirely and yet i have some sense of what he meant a thing which is vulgar seems to fly in the face of all that should be and our sense of the fitness of things well somehow we got through it all it is over the of a saint and is in her grave i cannot but think that it is better if she does not remember if she has gone out like an ill burning candle nothing is left now but to consider what can be done for the lives that we can reach i am afraid that the mother is beyond me but for tom i can perhaps do something for baby i should do much april it is so strange to have a child in the house i feel queer and disconcerted when i think | 3 |
of it although things seem to go easily enough the responsibility of taking charge of a helpless life me and i do not dare to let my thoughts go when they begin to picture possibilities in the future i wonder that i ever dared to undertake to have baby and yet her surroundings will be so much better here than with the dreadful grandmother that she must surely be better for them in any case i had to help tom i proposed a permanent nurse for baby but and took up arms at once and all but me with having cast doubts on their ability and surely we three women among us should be able to take care of one morsel although none of us ever had babies of our own april nothing could be more absurd than the way in which the entire household now about baby all of us are completely slaves already although the way in which we show it is naturally different has surrendered frankly and without she and at the idea of having the child of that creature in the house she did not venture to say this to me april directly of course but she relieved her mind by making remarks to when i could not help hearing from the moment baby came however without a struggle it is evident she is born with the full maternal instinct and i see if she does not marry her or some more eligible lover and take herself away before baby is old enough to be much affected the child will be spoiled to an unlimited extent as for her method of showing her affection is to exhibit the greatest solicitude for baby s spiritual welfare mingled with the keenest jealousy of s claims on baby s love i foresee that i shall have pretty hard work to protect my little daughter from s well meant but not very wise and how to do this without the good old soul s feelings may prove no easy problem as for myself of course i love the little helpless pink thing the from some outside unknown brought here into a world where everything is made so hard to her from the start she woke this afternoon and looked up at me with tom s eyes lying there as sweet and happy as possible so that i had to kiss and her and love her all at once it is wonderful how a baby comes out of the most dreadful surroundings as a comes out of the mud so clean and fresh i said this to aunt yesterday and she yes she answered but a weed grows into a weed no matter how it looks when it is little the thought is dreadful to me i will not believe that because a human being is born out of weakness and wickedness there is no chance for it the difference it seems to me is that every human being has the of a saint at least the of good as well as of bad and one may be developed as well as the other baby must have much that is good and fine from her father and the thing i have to do is to see to it that the best of her grows and the worse part dies for want of nourishment surely we can do a great deal to aid ture perhaps my baby cannot help herself much at least not for years and years but if she is kept in an atmosphere which is completely wholesome whatever is best in her nature must grow strong and crowd down everything less noble may may baby is more every day she is so wonderful and so lovely that i am never tired of watching her the miracle of a baby s growth makes one stand speechless in delight and awe when this little morsel of life hardly as many days in the world as i have been years and smiles and stretches out those tiny fingers only big enough for a fairy i feel like going down on my knees to the mystery of life i do not wonder that people pray i understand entirely the impulse to cry out to something mighty something higher than our own strength some heart of nature somewhere the desire to find by leaning on the invisible a relief from the of the emotions we all must feel when a sense of the greatness of life takes hold on us if it were but possible to believe in any of the many gods that have been offered to us how glad i should be father used to say that every human being really makes a deity for himself and that the difference between and is whether they can allow the church to give a name to the god a man has himself created i cannot accept any name from authority but the sense of some brooding power is very strong in me when i see this being growing as if out of nothing in my very hands when i look at baby i have so great a conscious the op a saint ness of the life outside of us the life of the universe as a whole that i am ready to agree with any one who talks of god the trouble is that one idea of deity seems to me as true and also as inadequate as all the rest so that in the end i am left with only my overwhelming sense of the of the mystery of existence and of the unity of all the life in the universe may to day we named baby i would not do it without consulting her father so i sent for tom and he came over just after breakfast the day has been warm and the windows were open a soft breath of wind came in with a feeling of spring in it | 3 |
and a faint hint of a summer coming by and by i was upstairs in the nursery when tom came for we have made a genuine full nursery of the south chamber and and the baby there when they told me that he was here i took baby all pink and sweet from her bath and went down with her tom stood with his back to the parlor door looking out of the window he did not hear me until i spoke and said good morning then he turned quickly at sight of baby he changed color and forgot to answer my greeting he came across the room toward us so that we met in the middle of the floor good god i he said to think of see s y baby in your arms the words hurt me for myself and for him tom i cried out excitedly i will not hear you say anything against baby it is neither hers nor yours now it is mine mine you shall not speak may of her as if she were anything but the sweetest purest thing in the whole world he looked at me so intently and so while i the pink ball up to me and kissed it that it was rather to change the subject i went straight to the point tom i said i want to ask you about baby s name oh call it anything you like he answered but you ought to name her i told him he was silent a moment then he turned and walked away to the window again i thought that he might be considering the name but when he came back abruptly he said can t pretend with you i have n t any love for that child i wish it were n t here to remind me of what i would give anything to have forgotten if i have any feeling for it it is pity that the poor little wretch had to be into the world and shame that i should have any responsibility about it i told him he would come to love her some time that she was after all his daughter and so sweet he could n t help being fond of her if i ever endure her he said almost it will be on your account nonsense tom i retorted as briskly as i could when i wanted to cry you be fond of her because you can t help it see she has your eyes and her hair is going to be like yours he laughed with a trace of his old spirit what i was his reply her eyes are any color you like and she has only about six hairs on her head anyway i denied this indignantly partly because it was the of a saint not true and partly i am afraid with feminine to divert him we fell for a moment almost into the boy and girl tone of long ago and only baby in my arms reminded us of what had come between well i said at last it is evident that you are not worthy to give this nice little dear little little girl a name so i shall do it myself i shall call her what an name i it is your own so you need n t abuse it do you agree i don t see how i can help myself for you can call her anything you like of course i shall i told him but i thought you should be consulted he shrugged his shoulders with a laugh having made up your mind he said you ask my advice i should n t think of consulting you till i had made up my mind was my retort now i want you to give her her name give it to her how her name is to be i repeated it is an absurd name tom commented that s as it may be was all i would answer but that s what she s to be called you re to kiss her and he looked at me with a sudden flush he had never i am sure so much as touched his child with the tip of his finger much less her the proposition took him completely by surprise and evidently disconcerted him i did not give him time to consider i made my tone and manner as light as i could and hurried on may you are to kiss her and say i name you i suppose that really you ought to say thee but that seems rather theatrical for us plain folk he hesitated a second and then he bent over baby in my arms i name you he said and just brushed her forehead with his lips then he looked at me solemnly you will keep her he said yes i promised so baby is named and tom must have felt that she belongs really to him however he may shrink from her may i have had a dreadful call from mrs she came over in the middle of the and the moment i saw her determined expression i felt sure something painful was to happen good morning she said abruptly i have come after my son s infant what i responded my wits scattering like chickens before a hawk i have come after my son s infant she repeated we are obliged to you for taking care of it but i won t trouble you with it any longer i told her i was to keep baby always she looked at me with lips i don t want to have disagreeable words with you she said but you must know we could never allow such a thing i asked her why you must know she said you are not fit to be trusted with an immortal soul i fear that i let the shadow of a smile show as | 3 |
i said the of a saint but baby is so young this is no laughing matter she interrupted with even if the child is young i must do my duly to her from the very beginning of course it will be a cross for me but i hope i shall bear it like a christian something in her voice and manner exasperated me almost beyond endurance i could not help remembering the day mrs came to the house and i am much afraid i was anything but in my tone when i answered mrs i said to her if you cared for baby and wanted to love her i might perhaps think of giving her up though i am very fond of her dear little thing mrs s keen black eyes snapped at me i dare say you look at it in that way she retorted that s just it it s just the sort of tiiat would ruin the child it s come into the world with sin and shame enough to bear and you d never help it to grace to bear it the words were not entirely clear yet i had little doubt of their meaning the baby however was after all her own flesh and blood and i was secretly glad that to strengthen me in my resolve to keep i had my promise to the dead mother and to tom but mrs i said as gently as i could don t you think the fact that baby has no mother and must bear that will make her need love more she u need up was the emphatic and that s just what she won t get here i don t want her it s a cross for me to look at her may and realize we ve got to own a with blood in her i m only trying to do my duty where s that baby going to get any religious training from you i sat quiet a moment thinking what i had better say mrs was entirely conscientious about it all she did not i was sure want baby and she was sincere in saying that she was only trying to do her duty when i thought of however as being made to serve as a living and visible cross for the good of mrs s soul i could not bear it driven by that strong will over the paths of her grandmother s poor baby would be more likely to be brought to despair than to glory it was of course right for mrs to wish to take baby but it could not be right for me to permit her to do so if my duty with hers i could not change on that account but i wished to be as as possible don t you think mrs i asked trying to look as sunny as a june day that baby is father o get harm from me or my could n t the whole matter at least be left till she is old enough to know the meaning of words she looked at me with more determination than ever well of course it s handsome of you to be willing to take care of tom s baby and of course you won t mind the expense but you made him marry that girl so it s only fair you should expect to take some of the trouble that s come of what you did you don t mean i burst out before i thought that you would n t have had tom marry her it s no matter now as long as she did n t live the of a saint mrs answered though it isn t pleasant knowing that one of that tribe married into our i had nothing to say it would have hurt my pride of course had one of my kin made such a marriage and i cannot help some secret feeling that had her right to be treated like an honest girl but there was baby to be considered besides this the marriage was made it seems to me by tom s taking the girl not by the service at her mrs and i sat for a time without words i looked at the carpet and was conscious that mrs looked at me she is not a pleasant woman and i have had times of wishing she might be carried by a so that and tom might have a little peace but i believe in her way she tries to be a good one the trouble is that her way of being good seems to me to be a great deal more vicious than most kinds of wickedness she uses her religion like a and with it right and left look here she broke out at last i don t want to be unpleasant but it ain t a pleasant thing for me to come here anyway i suppose you n to be kind but you d be soft with baby that s just what she must n t have she d better be made to know from the very start what s before her what is before her i asked mrs flushed i don t know as there s any use of my telling you if you don t see it yourself she s got to fight her way through life against her inheritance from that mother of hers and and her father she choked a little and i could not help laying my may hand on hers just to show that i understood she drew herself away not i believe but because she is too proud to endure pity she s got to be hardened she went on her tone itself as she spoke from her cradle she s got to be set to fight the sin that s in her i could not argue i respected the of her resolve | 3 |
to do her duty and i knew that she was sacrificing much every smallest sight of the child would be an humiliation to her pride and perhaps too to her love in her fierce way she must love tom so that his shame would hurt her terribly yet i could not give up my little soft pink baby to live in an atmosphere of and to be in the of a pitiless creed that i am sure would never save her tom is a sufficient answer to his mother s argument if she could only see it if anything is to rescue from the disastrous consequences of an unhappy it must be just pure love and friendliness mrs i said as firmly as i could i think i know how you feel but in any case i could not give up baby until i had seen tom a deeper flush came over the thin face and a look which made me turn my eyes away because i knew she would not wish me to see the pain and humiliation which it meant tom she began tom he she broke o e abruptly and rising began to gather her shawl about her then you refuse to let me have her she ended the baby s father should have something to say in the matter it seems to me i told her he has already decided she replied sternly and the of a saint decided against the child s good he wants her to stay with you i suppose she added and i must say that her tone took a suggestion of spite he thinks you u get so interested in the baby as sometime she did not finish perhaps because i gave lier a look which if it expressed half i felt might well silence her she moved quickly toward the door and her shawl with an air of virtuous determination well she observed i have done my duty by the child what the lord let it live for is a mystery to me she said not another word not even of leave taking but strode away with something of the air of a brisk little who has pronounced the doom of heaven on the it is a pity such people will make of religion an excuse for taking themselves so seriously all the of mrs turns into of her prejudices and her hardness the very thought of under her rule makes me shiver i wonder how her husband has endured it all these years used to be won by making life as disagreeable as possible for one s self but nowadays life is made sufficiently hard by others if living with his wife peacefully does not to be considered a saint it is time that new principles of were adopted heavens what i am running into myself i may i told aunt of mrs s visit and her comments were enough it is wicked may perhaps to set them down but i have a vicious joy in doing it of course she d hate to have the baby aunt declared but she d more than get even by the amount of satisfaction she d get at it she s worn daniel till he s so there can t be much fun him and tom won t listen to her she wants somebody to bully and that baby d just suit her she could make it miserable and get in side at its father at the same time you are pretty severe aunt i said but i know you don t mean it as for troubling tom he says he does n t care for baby he s soft hearted like his father and even if he did n t care for his own child which is nonsense anyway he d be miserable to see any child go through what he s been through himself with that woman it is useless to attempt to stay aunt when once she begins to talk about mrs and she has so much truth in her favor i am never able successfully to urge the other side of the case so as to get for mrs any just measure of fair play to night i almost thought that aunt would her green veil in the energy with which she freed her mind the thing which she cannot see is that mrs is entirely blind to her own faults mrs would doubtless be amazed if she could really appreciate that she is unkind to daniel and to tom she acts her nature and simply does not think i dare say most of us might be as bad if we had her disposition which on at the end of the nasty things i have been writing like a piece of pure cant i the of a saint may it certainly would seem on the face of it that a woman alone in the world as i am of an age when i ought to have the power of managing my own affairs and with the means of getting on without asking financial aid might take into her house a poor helpless little baby if she wished apparently there is a conspiracy to prevent my doing anything of the sort cousin has now entered her protest and declares that if i do not give up what she calls my mad scheme she shall feel it her duty to have me taken in charge as a lunatic she wants to know whether i have no decency about having a bachelor s baby in the house although she is perfectly well aware that tom was married she reminds me that she expects me to go to europe with her in about a month and asks whether i propose to leave in a hospital or a day nursery while i am gone her letter is one breathless rush of indignation from beginning to end so like her that | 3 |
with all my indignation i could hardly read it for laughing i confess it is hard to give up the trip abroad i was only half aware how i have been counting on it until now i am brought face to face with the impossibility of carrying out the plan i have almost unconsciously been together in my mind memories of the old days in europe with delight in thinking of seeing again places which enchanted me any one i suppose who has been abroad enough to taste the charm of travel but who has not worn off the pleasure by too much must have moments of longing to get back i have had the sudden pangs of when i have picked up a photograph or opened a magazine to a picture of some may beautiful place across the ocean the smallest things can bring up the feeling the sound of the wind in the trees as i heard it once when driving through the black forest the sun on a stone wall as it lay in the sky as it looked at one place or the grass as i saw it at another i remember how once a white feather lying on the turf of the lawn brought up the of castle as if a curtain had lifted suddenly and always these flashing of the other side of the world have made me feel as if i must at once hurry across the ocean again now i have let myself believe i was really going and to give it up is very hard it is perhaps making too much of it to be so disappointed certainly baby must be taken care of and i have promised to take care of her i fear that it will be a good while before i see europe again i am sorry for cousin but she has never any difficulty in finding friends to travel with it is evident enough that my duty is here may has not yet come to the end of her matrimonial the wife of is now reported as near death and is whether to give up and wait for ran of course is gone on me she explained last night in the most cold matter of fact fashion and i d make him a main good wife but was always the boy for me father o would n t let me marry him i said with all the severity i could command you must not talk like that it sounds as if you had n t any feeling at all you don t mean it the of a saint tossed her head with emphatic scorn what for don t i mean it she demanded any woman wants to marry the man she likes best and him she d take up with the man who likes her best i laughed nd told her she was getting to be a good deal of a philosopher was her not very respectful reply it s the only choice a woman has and she don t always have that she s better if she take the man that s sweet on her but it s the way we girls are made to after the one we re sweet on ourselves her earnestness so much interfered with the supper which she was giving to that i took baby into my arms and left free to speak out her mind without i m not going to take either of em in a hurry she went on i d not be leaving you in the with the baby miss i d like to have ran but i don t know what he s got he d make me stand round awful they say and d be under my thumb like a of butter i i d be more contented with it d be more stirred up like but i d have some natural fear of him and that s pleasant for a woman i had never seen in this astonishing mood before and so much worldly wisdom was bewildering such on the relation of the sexes took away my breath i was forced to be silent for there was evidently no chance of my holding my own in a conversation of this sort it is strange how boldly and this girl has thought out her relations with her lovers she entirely that may who is her slave will treat her better than san who will be her master yet she she will be more contented with the moral seems to be that a woman is happier to be abused by the man she loves than to be served by the man who loves her that can only be crude instinct the relics of in civilized woman i am sure when respect goes love must go also no that is n t true women keep on loving men when they know them to be unworthy perhaps this applies especially to good wives a good woman is bound to love her husband just as long as she can in any way compass it and to deceive herself about him to the latest possible instant i wonder what i should do i wonder well george has shown that he is not what i thought him and do i care for him less he only showed however that he did not care for me as much as i thought and of course that does not necessarily prove him unworthy and yet what is the use of all this what do i know about it anyway i will go to bed may it is amusing to see how jealous and are of baby s attention can as yet hardly be supposed to distinguish one human being from another and very likely has not drawn very accurate between any of us and the furniture but that baby knows her and is far more fond of her than | 3 |
of while of course indignantly at an idea so preposterous she really laughed at me this morning when i was giving her her bath assured me to day she knows me the minute i come into the nursery it is beautiful to see how the sweetness and help the of a saint of the little thing have so appealed to the girls that prejudices are forgotten when i brought home i feared that i might have trouble they scorned the child of that girl and they both showed the fierce contempt which good girls of their class feel for one who herself all this is utterly forgotten the charm of baby has so them that if an ventured to show the feelings they themselves had at first they would be full of wrath and indignation the maternal instinct is after all the strongest thing in most women considers her matrimonial chances in a bargain fashion which takes my breath but she will be perfectly fierce in her fondness for her children is a born old maid but she cannot help every baby who comes within her reach and for she brings out all the sweetness of her nature may i have been through a but now i am calm and can think of things quietly it is late but the fire has not burned down and i could not sleep so peter and i may as well stay where we are a while longer i was reading this afternoon when suddenly rushed into the room out of breath with running her face and wet with tears and her hair in confusion why i asked what is the matter her answer was to fly across the room throw herself on her knees beside me and burst into sobs the more i tried to soothe her the more she cried and it was a long time before she was quiet enough to be at all reasonable may my dear i said do tell me what has happened what is the matter she looked up at me with wild eyes it is n t true she broke out fiercely i know it is n t true i did n t say a word to him because i knew you would n t want me to but it s a lie it s a lie if my father did say it why i said amazed at her excitement what in the world are you saying your father wouldn t tell a lie to save his life he believes it she answered dropping her voice a sullen stubborn look came into her face that it was pitiful to see he does believe it but it s a lie i spoke to her as sternly as i could and told her she had no right to judge of what her father believed and that i would not have her talk so of him but i asked him about your mother and he said she would be punished forever and ever for not being a church member she exclaimed before i could stop her and i know it s a lie she burst into another tempest of sobs and cried until she was exhausted her words were so cruel that for a moment i had not even the power to try to comfort her but she would soon have been in and for a time i had to think only of her fortunately baby woke was not at home and by the time and i had fed and once more she was asleep in her cradle i had my wits about me had with a child s quick change of mood become almost gay i said do you mind staying here with baby while i take a little walk is out and i have been in the house all day i want a breath of fresh air the of a saint oh i should love to she answered her face brightening at the thought of being trusted with a responsibility so great i was out of doors and walking rapidly toward mr s house before i really came to my senses i was so wounded by what had repeated so indignant at this outrage to my dead that i had had strength only to hide my feelings from her now i came to a of my anger and asked myself what i meant to do i had instinctively started out to mr for and cruelty to protest against this a little i feel sure at least i hope i am right i felt the harm he was doing but most i was outraged and angry that he had dared to speak so of mother i was ashamed of my rage when i grew more composed and i realized all at once how mother herself would have smiled at me so clear was my sense of her that it was almost as if she really repeated what she once said to me my dear do you suppose that what mr thinks the way the universe is made why should he know more about it than you do he s not nearly so clever or so well educated i smiled to recall how she had smiled when she said it then i was blinded by tears to remember that i should never see her smile again and so i walked into a tree in the and nearly broke my nose that was the end of my dashing madly at mr the wound s words had made but with the memory of mother in my mind i could not break out into anger i turned down the bead to walk off my after all mr was right from his may point of view he could not without feeling that he had to warn against the awful risk of running into eternal it must hurt him to think or to say such a thing but he believes in the | 3 |
cruelty of the deity and he has beaten his natural tenderness into to his idea of a it is so strange that the ghastly absurdity of connecting god s anger with a sweet and life like mother s does not strike him indeed i suppose down here in the country we are half a century or so behind the thought of the real world and that mr s creed would be impossible in the city or among even of his own at least i hope so though i do not see what they have left in the creed if they take eternal punishment out of it the fresh air and the memory of mother with a little common sense brought me right again i walked i had myself properly in hand and till i hoped that the trace of tears on my face might pass for the effect of the wind it was growing dusk by this time and the lamps began to appear in the houses as i came to mr s at last i slipped in at the front door as quietly as i could and knocked at the study mr himself opened the door he looked surprised but asked me in and offered me a chair he had been writing and still held his pen in his hand the study of lamp and stove poor man which has to live by an air tight stove must be dreary if he had an open fire on his hearth he might have less in his religion i have come to confess a fault mr i said and to ask a favor the of a saint he smiled a little watery smile and put down his pen is the favor to be a reward for the fault or for it he asked i was so much surprised by this mild jest coming from him that i almost forgot my errand i smiled back at him and forgot the bitterness that had been in my heart he looked so thin so that it was impossible to have i left with baby while i went for a walk i said and i have stayed away longer than i intended i forgot to tell her she could call if she wanted to come home and she is too conscientious to leave so i am afraid that she has stayed all this time i wanted you to know it is my fault i am glad for her to be useful her father said especially as you have been so kind to her then you will perhaps let her stay all night i went on i can take over her night things i promised to show her about making a new kind o for the church fair and i could do it this evening besides it is lonely for me in that great house i felt like a when i said this though it is true enough he looked at me kindly and even yes he returned i can understand that if you think she won t trouble you and i did not give him opportunity for a word more i rose at once and held out my hand thank you so much i said i find mrs and get s things i beg your pardon for troubling you i was out of the study before he could may across the hall i found his wife in the sitting room with another air tight stove and looking thinner and paler than he she had a great pile of sewing beside her and her eyes looked as if months of tears were behind them aching to be shed i told her mr had given leave for to pass the night with me and i had come for her night things she looked surprised but none the less pleased while she was out of the room i looked cautiously at the mending to see if the clothing was too worn for her to be willing that i should see it when she came in with her little bundle i said as indifferently as i could i suppose if were at home she would help you with the mending so i take her share with me and we ll do it together of course she remonstrated but i managed to bring away a good part of the big pile and now it is all done poor mrs she looked so tired so beaten down by life the veins were so blue on her thin temples if i dared i d go every week and do that awful mending for her i must get to some of it over now and then when we blame these people for the of their we forget their lives are so constrained and that they cannot take broad views of anything the man or woman who could take a wide outlook upon life from behind an air tight stove in a half starved home would have to be almost a miracle it is wonderful that so much sweetness and humanity keep alive where circumstances are so when i think of patient faithful hard working women like mrs and devoted i am filled with admiration and humility if their is narrow they endure it and after the of a saint all men have made it for them father said once women had always been the occasion of but had never produced any i asked him i remember whether he said this to their praise or and he answered that what was entirely the result of nature was neither to be praised nor to be blamed women were so made that they must have a religion and men so constituted as to take the greatest possible satisfaction in one it is simply a beautiful example he added with his wonderful smile which just curled the corners of his mouth of the law of supply and demand i am running on and on although it | 3 |
is so late at night aunt i presume will in some way know about it and ask me why i sat up so long i am tired but the excitement of the afternoon is not all gone that any one in the world should believe it possible for mother to be unhappy in life to be punished is amazing surely a man whose makes such an idea conceivable is profoundly to be pitied may is perfectly delightful about she hardly lets a day go by without me not to spoil baby and yet she is herself an abject slave to the slightest caprice of the small person we have to night been having a sort of battle royal over baby s going to sleep by herself in the dark i made up my mind the time had come when some semblance of discipline must be begun and i supposed of course that would approve and assist to my surprise she failed me at the veiy first ditch i am going to put into the i an may and take away the light she must learn to go to sleep in the dark she be frightened objected she s too little to know anything about being afraid i retorted although i had secretly a good deal of too little she s too little not to be afraid i saw at a glance that i had before me a struggle with them as well as with baby children are not afraid of the dark until they are told to be i declared as as possible they are told not to be objected that puts the idea into their heads was my answer regarded me with evident but supposing the baby cries she demanded then she must be left to stop i answered with outward firmness and inward but suppose she cries herself sick insisted she won t she just cry a little till she finds nobody comes and then she go to sleep the two girls regarded me with looks that spoke in the largest of it is so seldom they are entirely united that it was to have them thus make common cause against me but i had to keep up for the sake of dignity if for nothing else was fed and arranged for the night she was kissed and and tucked into her then i got and both protesting they did n t mind sitting up with the darling all night out of the room darkened the windows and shut baby in alone for the first time in her whole life a life still so little the of a saint i closed the nursery door with an air of great calmness and determination but outside i lingered like a complete coward the girls were darkly from the end of the hall and we needed only to look like three for two or three minutes there was a soothing and silence so that i turned to smile with an air of superior wisdom on the maids then without warning baby uplifted her voice and there was something most about the cry as if had been holding her breath until she were black in the face and only let it escape one second short of actual i jumped as if a mouse had sprung into my face and the two girls down upon me in a whirl of triumphant indignation there miss cried there miss cried well i said i expected her to cry some she wants to be walked with poor little thing said i was rejoiced to have a chance to turn the tables and i sprang upon her admission at once i said severely have you been walking to sleep i told you never to do it self convicted could only murmur that she had just taken her up and down two or three times to make her sleepy she hadn t really walked her to sleep what if she had demanded boldly her place entirely forgotten in the excitement of the moment if babies like to be walked to sleep it stands to reason that s nature may i began to feel as if all authority were fast slipping away from me and that i should at this rate soon become a very secondary person in my own house i tried to recover myself by the most severe air of which i was capable you must not talk outside the nursery door i told them if hears voices of course she keep on crying go downstairs both of you i see to baby they had not yet arrived at open and so with manifest they departed grumbling to each other as they went baby seemed to have some intelligence that her were being for she set up a series of shrieks which made every fibre of my body quiver as soon as the girls were out of sight i down on my knees outside of the door and put my hands over my ears i was afraid of myself and only the need i felt of holding out for s own sake gave me strength to keep from rushing into the nursery in abject surrender the absurdity of it makes me laugh now but with the shrieks of baby piercing me i felt as if i were involved in a tragedy of the deepest i think i was never so near in my ufe but i had even then some faint and far away sense of how ridiculous i was and that saved me like a young and every cry went through me like a knife i was on my knees on the floor pouring out tears like a watering pot trying to shut out the sound there is something in a baby s cry that is too much even for a sense of humor and no woman could have heard it without being overcome the of a saint i had so stopped my ears that although | 3 |
i could not shut out baby s cries entirely i did not hear and when they came back the first i knew of their being behind me was when in a whispered shouted into my ear that baby would cry herself into as i was already i almost yielded i started to my feet and faced them in a tragic manner ready to give up everything i was ready to say that might walk up and down with every night for the rest of her life fortunately some few of common sense asserted themselves in my half and instead of opening the door i spread out my arms and without a word the girls out of the corridor as if they were then the of it came over me and although i still with baby s wailing i could appreciate that the cries were more angry than pathetic and that we must fight the battle through now it had been begun the thing about it all was that it seemed almost as if the little lady inside there had some perception of my thought i had no sooner got the girls downstairs again and made up my mind to hold out than she stopped crying and when we crept cautiously in ten minutes after she was asleep as soundly and as sweetly as ever but i feel as if i had been through battles and sudden deaths may baby to night cried two or three minutes but her evidently had the sense to see that crying is a painful and useless exercise when she has to deal with such a hard hearted tyrant as i am and she quickly gave it up hoped that may the poor little thing s will is n t broken and observed that she trusted i realized we all of us had to be treated like babies by our heavenly father i was tempted to ask her if our heavenly father never left us to cry in the dark if we could be as firm with ourselves as we can be with other what an improvement it would be i wonder what tom would think of my first conflict with his baby may i went to day to call on mrs although i am in mourning i thought it better to go i feared lest she should think my old relations to george might have something to do with my staying away it was far less difficult than i thought it would be i may be frank in my i suppose and say i found her silly and rather vulgar and i wonder how george can help seeing it she was inclined to boast a little that all the best people in town had called acted real queer about my she said she does n t seem to know the rich folks very well oh we never make distinctions in by money i put in but she went on without said mrs she called her lady just as if she was it is a way we have i returned i m sure i don t know how it began very likely it is only because it fits her so well well anyway she called and owned she d never been to see them i could see she was real jealous though she would n t own it the of a saint old lady is a delightful person i remarked awkwardly feeling that i must say something i did n t think she was much till told me returned mrs with amazing frankness i thought she was a funny old thing it is not kind to put this down i know but i really would like to see if it sounds so unreal when it is written as it did when it was said it was so unlike anything i ever heard that it seemed almost as if mrs were playing a part and trying to cheat me into thinking her more vulgar and more simple than she is i am afraid i shall not lessen my unpleasant impression however by keeping her words mrs talked too about george and his devotion as if she expected me to be hurt possibly i was a little although if i were it was chiefly because my vanity suffered that he should find me inferior in attraction to a woman like this i believe i am sincerely glad that he should prove his fondness for his wife indeed fondness could be the only excuse for his leaving me and i do wish happiness to them both i fear what i have written gives the worst of mrs she perhaps was a little embarrassed but she showed me nothing better she is not a lady and i see perfectly that she will drop out of our circle we are a little here i suppose but anywhere in the world people come in the long run to associate with their own kind mrs is not our kind and even if this did not affect our attitude she would herself tire of ns after the first novelty is worn off may came in this morning on business may x and before he went he thanked me for calling on his wife i should n t have made a wedding call just now on anybody else i told him but your association with father and the way in which we have known you of course make a difference he showed some embarrassment but apparently at least so i thought he was so anxious to know what i thought of mrs that he could not drop the subject is n t he remarked rather i hope you found things to talk about meaning that i can talk of nothing but books i returned poor george how i must have bored you in times past he flushed and grew more confused still of course you know i did n t mean anything | 3 |
like that he protested i laughed at his grave face and then i was so glad to find i could talk to him about his wife without feeling awkward that i laughed again he looked so puzzled i was ready to laugh in turn at him but i restrained myself i could not understand my good spirits and for that matter i do not now somehow my call of yesterday seems to have made a difference in my feeling toward george just how or just what i cannot fully make out i certainly have not ceased to care about him i am still fond of the george i have known for so many years but somehow the husband of mrs does not seem to be the same man the george who can love this woman and be in sympathy with her is so different from anything i have known or imagined the old george to be that he affects me as a stranger the of a saint the truth is i have for the past month been in the midst of things so serious that my own affairs and feelings have ceased to appear of so much importance when death comes near enough for us to see it face to face we have a better appreciation of and find things strangely altered i have had moreover little time to think about myself which is always a good thing and to my surprise i find now that i am not able to pity myself nearly a much as i did this seems perhaps a little to george my feeling for him cannot have like dew drying from the grass at least i am sure that i am still ready to serve him to the very best of my ability vi june june cousin is capable of surprises she has written to to have my baby taken away from me the came in to night so amused that he was on the broad grin when he presented himself and even when he said good evening what pleases you i asked you seem much amused about something i am he answered i ve been appointed your guardian by the town authorities i demanded i should have thought i was old enough to look after myself it s your family he chuckled miss has written to me from boston cousin i exclaimed miss he returned she has written to you about me asked i he nodded in evident delight over the situation my astonishment got the better of my manners so that i forgot to ask him to sit down but stood ring at him like a i remembered cousin had met him once or twice on her visits to and had been graciously pleased to approve of him largely i believe on the of a saint account of some accidental discovery of his very satisfactory that she should write to him however was most surprising and argued an amount of feeling on her part much greater than i had appreciated i knew she would be shocked and perhaps by my having baby and she had written to me with sufficient emphasis but i did not suppose she would outside aid in her attempts to me of but why should she write to you i asked daniel she said was his answer she did n t know who else to write to but what did she expect you to do the chuckled and his chin with a characteristic gesture when he is greatly amused he himself by the chin as if he must keep his jaw or an laugh would come out in spite of him i don t think she cared much what i did if i relieved you of that baby was his reply she said if i was any sort of a guardian of the poor perhaps i could put it in a home but you are not i said no he assented and you shouldn t have her if you were i added i don t want the child daniel returned i should n t know what to do with it then we both laughed and i got him seated in father s chair and we had a long chat over the whole situation i had not realized how much i wanted to talk matters over with somebody aunt is out of the question because she is so fond of telling things june miss would be better but she is not very worldly wise and if i may tell the truth i wanted to talk with a man the advice of women is wise often and yet more often it is comforting but it has somehow not the of the decision of a sensible man at least that is the way i felt to night though in many matters i should never think of trusting to a man s judgment i think i shall adopt baby i said then nobody could take her away or bother me about her he asked me if her father would agree and i said that i was sure he would it would make her your heir if you died without a will he commented i said that nothing was more easy than to make a will and of course i should mean to provide for her you are not afraid of wills then daniel observed looking at me curiously so many folks can t bear the idea of making one very likely it s partly because i am a lawyer s daughter i said but in any case making a will would n t have any more terrors for me than writing a check but then i never had any fear of death anyway daniel regarded me yet more intently clasping his great white hands over his knee i never can quite make you out miss he said after a little you have n t any belief in a hereafter that i know | 3 |
of but you seem to have no trouble about it i asked him why i should have and he answered that most people do perhaps that is because they feel a responsibility about the future that i don t i returned i don t the of a saint think i can alter what is to come after death and i don t see what possible good i can do by about it father brought me up you know to feel that i had all i could attend to in making the best i can of this life without wasting my strength in about another in any case i can t see why i should be any more afraid of death than i am of sleep i understand one as well as i do the other he looked at the rug thoughtfully a moment and then as if he declined to be drawn into an argument he came back to the original subject of our talk would tom want to have anything to do with the child he asked i think he would rather forget she is in the world i told him by and by he may be fond of her but now he tries not to think of her at all i want to make her so attractive and lovely he can t help caring for her but then she will care for him the commented why of course she will that is what i hope then she might influence him and help him you are willing to share her with her father even if you do adopt her he asked i did not understand his manner but i told him i did not think i had any right to deprive her of her father s affection or him of hers if i adopted her a dozen times over the made no answer his face was graver and for some time we sat without further word tom is n t as bad as he seems miss daniel said at length if you had to live with his mother i guess you d be ready to excuse him for most anything his father never had june the to say to a goose and mrs has him from the time we were boys he s as good as a man can be but it s a pity he don t carry out paul s idea of being ruler in his own house paul was a bachelor like you daniel i answered rather and neither of you knows anything about it he grinned but only added that tom had been into most of his i m not him he went on apparently afraid that he should seem to be but there s a good deal to be said for him aunt says he ought to be driven out of decent society but tom never did a mean thing in his life i was rather surprised to hear this from but i certainly agreed with him tom s sin makes me but i realize that i m not capable of judging him and he certainly has a good deal of excuse for whatever evil he has fallen into june one thing more which said has made me think a good deal he asked me what tom had meant to do about the child if its mother lived i told him had been willing for me to have baby in any case he thought in silence a moment i don t believe he said tom ever meant to live with that woman he must have married her to clear his conscience he married her so the child should not be disgraced i answered daniel looked at me with those great keen eyes glowing beneath his shaggy white brows the of a saint then he went pretty far toward clearing his record was his comment there are not many men have tied themselves to such a wife for the sake of a child this was not very perhaps but a good heart will get the better of now and then it has set me to thinking about tom and his wife in a way which had not occurred to me i wonder if it is true that he did not mean to live with her i remember now that he said he would never see again but at the time this meant nothing to me if he had thought of making a home he would naturally expect to have his child but after all i doubt if at that time he considered anything except the good of baby he did not love her he had not even looked at her but he tried to do her right as far as he could he give her an honest name in the eyes of the world but he must have known that he could not make a home with where the surroundings would be good for a child this must have been what he considered for the moment yet tom is one who thinks out things and he may have thought out the future of the mother too when i look back i wonder how it was i consented so quickly to take i wanted to help tom and i wanted him to be able to decide without being forced by any consideration of baby i do not know whether he ought to have married for her own sake if she had lived i am afraid i should have been tempted to think he had better not have bound himself to her and yet i realize that i should have been disappointed in him if he had decided not to do it i doubt if i could have got rid entirely of the feeling that somehow he would have june been cowardly i wonder if he had any notion of my feeling he came out of the trial nobly at least and i honor him with all | 3 |
my heart for that june aunt has now a theme exactly to her taste in the growing extravagance of george s wife mrs has certainly her style of dress a good deal a thing which is the more noticeable from the fact that in we are on the whole so little given to gorgeous i remember that when i called i thought her rather to day aunt talked for half an hour with the greatest apparent enjoyment about the fine gowns and expensive with which the bride is astonishing the town i am afraid it does not take much to set us talking i tried half a dozen times to day to change the subject but my efforts were wasted aunt was not to be diverted from a theme so congenial i reminded her that any bride was expected to display her finery this is part of the established formality with which marriage is attended that s all very well she retorted with a folks want to see the wedding this is finery george has had to pay for himself i don t see how anybody can know that i told her and i added that it did not seem to me to be the town s business if it were true she tells everybody he gave her the aunt responded and the dresses she s had made since she was married she had n t anything herself the say she was real poor the marriage was so sudden i said that very likely she had n t time to get her wedding at the of a saint any rate aunt i don t see what you and i have to do with her clothes the dear old gossip went on her foot and smiling with evident delight it s the business of the neighbors that she s sure to ruin her husband if she keeps on with her extravagance isn t it besides she wears her clothes to have them talked about she talks about them herself a few dresses won t ruin her husband i protested she has one hired girl now and she s talking of a second aunt went on did you ever hear of such foolishness i reminded her that i had two maids myself oh you she returned that s different i hope you don t put her on a level with real folks do you i tried to treat the whole matter as if it were of no consequence and i did stop the talk here but secretly i am troubled george has very little aside from what he in his profession and he might easily run behind if his wife is really extravagant he needs a woman to help him save june delighted the family to day by her wonderful in following with her eyes the flight of a blue bottle fly that about the nursery such intelligence in one so young is held by us women to the most extraordinary promise i communicated the important event to mr who came to call and he could neither take it gravely nor laugh at the absurdity of our noticing so slight a thing he seemed to be trying to june find out how i wished him to look at it and as i was divided between laughter and secret pride in baby he could not get a sure clue how dull the man is but no doubt he is good when piety and stupidity are united it is unfortunate that they should be made prominent by being set high in spiritual places june i have a good deal of sympathy with s question when he asked the lord if he were his brother s keeper of course his crime turned the question in his case into a mere pitiful excuse but was at least clever enough to take advantage of a principle which must appeal to everybody we cannot be responsible for others when we have neither authority nor control over them it is one of the hardest forms of duty it seems to me when we feel that we ought to do our best yet are practically sure that in the end we can effect little or nothing what can i do to influence george s wife somehow we seem to have no common ground to meet on father used to say that people who do not speak the same language cannot communicate moral ideas to each other this is rather a high sounding way of saying that mrs and i cannot understand each other when anything of real importance comes up it is of course as much my fault as hers but i really do not know how to help or change it i suppose there is a certain and self in my feeling that i could direct her but i am certainly older and i believe i am wiser yet i am not her keeper and if to feel that i am not me in the cowardice of i cannot help it i am ready to do anything i can do but what is there the of a saint june still it is george s wife i dare say a good deal of talk has been and i have not heard it i have been so occupied with graver matters ever since george was married that i have seen few people and have paid little heed to the village talk to day old lady said her say she began by reminding me of the conversation we had had in regard to calling on the bride i am glad we did it she went on it puts us in the right whatever happens but she will not do i shall never ask her to my house i could say nothing i knew she was right but i was so sorry for george she is vulgar the sweet old voice went on she called a second time on me yesterday and | 3 |
i ve been only once to see her she said a good deal about it s being the duty of us she said us my dear to wake up this sleepy old place i told her that personally since she was good enough to include me with herself i preferred the town as it had been i fairly laughed out at the idea of old lady delivering this with well bred sweetness and i wondered how far mrs perceived the sarcasm did she understand i asked about half i think my dear she saw she had made a mistake but i doubt if she quite knew what it was she was uneasy and said she thought those who had a chance ought to make things more lively i asked if mrs gave any definite idea how this was to be secured not very clearly was the answer she said something about hoping soon to have a larger house june she entertain properly her dress was dreadfully according to my old fashioned notions i am afraid we are too slow for her my dear she will have to make a more modem society for herself and so the social doom of george s wife is written as far as i can see i can if i choose ask people to meet her but that will do her little good when they have looked her over and given her up they will come to my house to meet anybody i select but they will not invite her in their turn it is a pity social distinctions should count for so much but in they certainly do june mr called again this afternoon he is so thin and so pale that it is always my inclination to have bring him something to eat at to day he had an especially nervous air and i tried in vain to set him at his ease i fear he may have taken it into his head to try to bring me into the church he did not it is true say anything directly about religion but he had an air of having something very important in reserve which he waa not yet ready to speak of he talked about the church work as if he expected me to be interested he would not have come so soon again if he did not have some particular object it is a pity anything so noble as religion should so often have weak men to represent it what is good in religion they do not fairly stand for and what is they somehow make more evident if superstition is to be a help it must appeal to the best feelings and a weak priest touches only the weaker side of character one is not able to receive him on the of a saint his merits as a man but has to excuse him in the name of his devotion to religion still mr is a good man and he means well with whatever strength of mind nature endowed him june tom came to day to see baby not that he paid much attention to her when he saw her it me to find how jealous i am getting for and anxious she be treated with deference i see myself rapidly growing into a hen with attitude of mind but i do not know how it is to be helped i exhibited baby this afternoon with as much pride and as much desire that she should be admired a if she had been my own so it was no wonder that tom laughed at me he was very grave when he came but little by little the fun loving sparkle came into his eyes and a smile grew on his face you d make a first rate he said if you could show off goods as well as you do babies i suppose i can never meet tom again with the easy freedom we used to feel especially with baby to remind us but we have been good friends so long that it is a great comfort to feel something of the old to be still possible tom was so awkward about baby so unwilling to touch her that i offered to put her into his arms then he suddenly grew brave don t he said it hurts you that i can t care for the baby but i can t perhaps i shall sometime i took away without a word and gave june her to in the nursery when i came back to the parlor tom was in his favorite position before the window he wheeled round suddenly when he heard me you are not angry he asked no tom i answered only sorry i sat down and took up my sewing while he walked about the room he stopped in front of me after a moment i wanted to tell you he said that i am not going back to new york i looked at him and waited i had really a good opening there he went on but i thought i ought not to take it i asked him why i be hanged if i quite know he responded i suppose it s part obstinacy that makes me too stubborn to run away from disgrace and partly it s father this thing has broken him terribly i m going to stay and help him out i know how tom hates farming and i held out my hand to him and said so i hate everything he returned desperately but it would n t be square to leave him now when he s so cut up on my account we were both of us i am sure too moved to have much talk and tom did not stay long he went off rather abruptly with hardly a good by but i think i understood i am glad he has the pluck to stand by poor | 3 |
old daniel but he must learn to be fond of baby that will be a comfort to him june george seems to me to be almost beside himself i cannot comprehend what his wife is doing the of a saint to him she has apparently already come to realize that she is not succeeding in and is determined to conquer by display and ways of living she cannot know us very well if she that such means will do here her latest move i find it hard to forgive her i do not understand how george can have done it no matter how much she urged him but i am of course profoundly ignorant how such a woman a man i am afraid one thing which made him attractive to me was that he was so willing to be influenced but we see a man in a light entirely different when it is another woman who shapes his life what once seemed a fine compliance takes on a strange appearance of weakness when we are no longer the moving force but i think i do myself no more than justice when i feel that at least i tried always to influence george for his own good poor miss came over directly after breakfast this morning to tell me she had been brooding over it half the night poor soul and her eyes looked actually withered with crying and lack of sleep i know i it she kept saying and of course he didn t mean to insult me but to think anybody dared to ask me to sell the house the house that our family has lived in for four generations it would have killed my father if he had known i should live to come to this i tried to soothe her and to make her believe that in offering to buy her house george had thought only of how much he admired it and not at all of her feelings which he could not understand of course he could not understand my feelings miss said with a bitterness which i am sure june was unconscious he never had a family and i ought to remember that she grew somewhat more calm as she her heart she told me george had praised the place and said how much he had always liked it he confessed that it was his wife who first suggested the purchase she wanted a house where she could entertain and which would be of more importance than the one in which she lived he said miss went on with a strange mingling of pride and sorrow his wife felt that the house in itself would give any family social standing i don t know how pleased his wife would be if she knew he told me but he said it he told me she meant to have and improvements she must feel as if she owned it already he said she had an iron dog stored somewhere that she meant to put on the lawn think of it an iron dog on our old lawn i then suddenly all the sorrow of her lot seemed to her at once and she broke down completely she sobbed so and with so complete an of herself to her grief that i cried with her even while i was trying to stop her tears it is n t just george s coming to ask me to sell the place she said it is all of it it s my being so poor i can t keep up the name and the family s ending with me and none of my kin even to bury me it s all of the hurts i ve got from life and it s growing so old i ve no strength any longer to bear them oh it s having to keep on living when i want to be dead i threw my arms about her and kissed the tears the of a saint from her wrinkled cheeks though there were about as many on my own don t i begged her don f dear miss tou break my heart i we are all of us your kin and you know we love you dearly she returned my embrace and tried to check her sobbing i know it s cowardly she got out it s cowardly and wicked i never broke down so before won t dear just give me a little time dear miss i made her stay with me all day and indeed she was in no condition to do anything else i got her to take a nap in the afternoon and when she went home she was once more her own brave self she said good night with one of her clumsy joking speeches good by my dear she said the next time i come i try not to be so much like the girl that had a creek in her back and a in each eye she is always when she does not quite trust herself to be serious and i who do not dare to trust myself to think about george and his wife had better stop writing june presented himself at twilight and found me sitting alone out on the i watched his tall figure coming up the bent with age a little but still massive and vigorous and somehow by the time he was near enough to speak i felt that i had caught his mood he smiled as he greeted me where s the baby he demanded i supposed i should find you giving it its supper june there is n t any it in this house was my retort and as for baby s supper you are just as ignorant as a man always is any woman would know that babies are put to bed long before this he grinned down upon me from his height how should i know what time it | 3 |
went to bed he asked with a laugh in his voice i never raised a baby i ve come to talk about it though look here daniel i cried out with affected indignation i will not have my baby called it as if she were a stick or a stock he laughed outright at this then at my invitation sat down beside me we were silent for a time looking at the fading in the west and the single star swimming out of the purple as the sky changed into gray the were working at their music with all the of a child five finger exercises but their noise only made the evening more peaceful how it is i said to at last it almost makes one feel there can never be any again about anything daniel did not answer for a moment then he said with the solemnity of one who seldom puts sentiment into words it is like the twenty third i simply assented and then we were silent again until at last he moved as if he were waking himself and sighed i always wonder whether somewhere in the past has had his romance and if so what it may have been if he has a night like this might well bring it up to his memory i am glad if it comes to him with the peace of a have you thought miss the asked the of a saint at length in the growing dark what a responsibility you are taking upon yourself in having that baby it was like the dear old man to have considered me and to look at the moral side of the question he wanted to help me i could see and of course he cannot understand how entirely religious one may be without i told him i had thought of it very seriously and it seemed to me sometimes that it was more than i was equal to but i added that i could not help thinking i could do better by baby than mrs mrs is no sort of a woman to bring up a child he agreed then he added with a that surprised me a little babies have got to be given baby treatment as well as baby food of course they have was my reply babies have a right to love as well as to milk and poor little would get very little from her grandmother daniel gave a contemptuous that woman couldn t really love anything he declared or if she did she d show it by being hateful i said she certainly loved tom yes he retorted and she s him to death for my part i can t more than half blame tom as i ought to when i think of his having had his mother to thorn him then you do think it s better for baby to be with me than with her grandmother i asked him it s a hundred times better of course but i wondered if you d thought of the responsibility of its of her religious instruction we had come to the true of the s june errand i really believe that in his mind was more concern for me than for baby he is always unhappy that i am not in the fold of the church and i fancy that more or less he was making of an excuse for an attempt to reach me it is not difficult to understand his feeling mother used to affirm that are anxious to because they cannot bear to have anybody refuse to acknowledge that they are right this is not i am sure the whole of it of course no human being likes to be thought wrong especially on a thing which like religion cannot be proved but there is a good deal of genuine love in the attempt of a man like daniel to convert an he is really grieved for me and i would do anything short of actual to make him suppose that i believed as he would have me i should so like him to be happy about my eternal welfare when the future does not in the least trouble me it seems such a pity that he should be disturbed i told him to night i should not give baby what he would call religious instruction but i should never interfere if others should teach her if they made what is good attractive but you would tell her that religion is n t true he objected oh no i answered i should have to be honest and tell her if she asked that i don t believe we know anything about another life but of course as far as living in this one goes i should n t with religion he tried to argue with me but i entirely refused to be led on daniel i told him i know it is all the of a saint in your kindness for me that you would talk but i refuse to have this beautiful summer evening wasted on you could n t convince me and i don t in the least care about convincing you i am entirely content that you should believe your way and i am entirely satisfied with mine now i want to talk with you about our having a reading room next winter so i got him to another subject and what is better i think i really interested him in my scheme of opening a free library if we can once get that to working it will be a great help to the young men and boys the time seems to have come in human development i remember father s saying not long before he died when men must be controlled by the instead of by the of their minds june i have been considering why it is that i have had so much said to me | 3 |
resist my darling or why he should feel so about her it is i suppose friendship for me but he should realize a little what a blessing baby is to my lonely life tom stood silent when took up to him he did not offer to touch the tiny pink face and i could fancy how many thoughts must go through his mind as he looked while he might not regret the dead woman indeed while he could hardly be other than glad that was not alive he must have some feeling about her which goes very deep i should think any man who was not wholly hard must have some tenderness toward the mother of his child no matter who or what she was it moves even me to think of such a feeling and i could not look at tom as he stood there with the living child to remind him of the dead mother it seemed a long time that he looked at baby and we were all as quiet as if we had been at prayer then tom of his own accord kissed he has never done it before except as i have asked him he came over to me and held out his hand the of a saint i must go back to he said then he held my hand a minute and looked into my eyes make her as much like yourself as you can he added and god bless you the tears came into my eyes at his tone and blinded me before i could see clearly he was gone i hope he understood that i appreciated the generosity of his words july i am troubled by the thought of yesterday george went away so evidently out of sympathy with what i had done and very likely thinking i was that it seems almost as if i had really been unkind i must do something to show him that i am the same as ever perhaps the best thing will be to have his wife to tea my mourning has prevented my doing anything for them and secretly i am ashamed to say this has been a relief i can ask them quietly however without other guests july i feel a little as if i had been shaken up by an earthquake but i am apparently all here and day before yesterday cousin descended upon me in the wake of her usual determined to bear me away to europe despite as she said all the babies that ever were born she had arranged my passage fixed the date engaged and for a maid to meet us at and now i had she insisted broken up all her arrangements it s completely ungrateful she declared here i have been to have everything ready so the trip would go smoothly for you i ve done absolutely every earthly thing that i could think of july and now you won t go you ve no right to back out it s treating me in a way i never was treated in my whole life it s simply outrageous i attempted to remind her that she had been told of my decision to stay at home long before she had made any of her arrangements but she refused to listen i could bear it better she went on if you had any decent excuse but it s nothing but that baby i must say i think it s a pretty severe reflection on me when you throw me over for any stray baby that happens to turn up i tried again to put in a protest but the tide of cousin s indignation is not easily to think of your turning cousin s house into a hospital she exclaimed why don t you put up a sign twenty babies would n t be any worse than one and you d be able to make a martyr of yourself to some purpose oh i ve no patience with you i laughed and assured her that there was no sort of doubt of the truth of her last statement so then she changed her tone and begged me not to be so obstinate of course i could not yield for i cannot desert baby and in the end cousin was forced to give me up as then she declared i should not triumph over her she would have me know that there were two people ready and just dying to take my place i knew she could easily find somebody the awkward thing about this visit was that cousin should be here just when i had asked the to tea i always have a late dinner for cousin although regards such a the of a saint of the usual order of meals as little less than and so george and his wife found a more than i had intended i should have liked better to have things in their usual order for i feared lest mrs might not be entirely at her ease i confess i had not supposed she might think i was to impress her with my style of living until she let it out so plainly that i could not by any mistake her meaning she evidently wished me to know that she saw through my device and of course i made no explanations it was an uncomfortable meal cousin refused to be she examined the bride through her and i could see that mrs was while she was apparently fascinated george was and i could not make things go smoothly though i tried with all my might by the time the guests went i felt that my nerves were well cousin pronounced as soon as the door had closed behind them of all the i ever saw she is the worst i never saw anybody so she was i assented but you behaved horribly yon frightened her into complete shyness shyness was her response she | 3 |
be but i am afraid he will be twisted and i wonder if little will ever ask me when she is grown about her mother if she does i can only say that i never saw until she was on her july and that will have to do dear little soft baby the idea of her being grown up is too preposterous she is always to be my baby and then i can love her without the penalty of having to answer troublesome questions vm august august i said a thing to tom to day which was the most natural thing in the world yet which me he came to pay one of his rare visits to baby and we were bending over her so that our heads were almost together i was not thinking of him but just of and without considering how he might take it i declared that i felt exactly as if she were my very own what do you mean tom asked she is yours oh but i mean as if i were really her mother i explained making my mistake worse would to god you were i he burst out would to god you cared enough for me to be now i was of course startled though i had brought it on myself i got out of it by jumping up and calling to to take and give her her supper now recalling it and remembering how tom looked his eyes and his voice i wonder what i ought to do i do not know how to make him understand that because george has left me i am no more likely to marry somebody else i may not feel the same toward george but nothing follows from that i own to myself frankly that i respect tom more than i do george i can even say that i find more and august more as time goes on that i had rather see tom coming up the walk the old boy and girl friendship has largely come back between tom and me and i am a little just a little on the on his account against the talk of the village i think now all is over and in her grave that might be allowed to rest only one thing i do not understand i am no more moved by the touch of george s hand now than by that of any acquaintance i cannot touch tom s fingers without remembering august it is curious to see how s heart and her religion keep up the struggle s wife has refused to die but has instead got well enough to send an insulting message so the hope of finding a solution of all difficulties in ran s becoming a is for the present at least abandoned is evidently fond of ran and while the priest and her conscience or rather her religious fear of consequences keep her from marrying him they cannot make her give him up entirely she still to some sort of an engagement with and she still talks in her cold blooded way about her lovers on the practical side of the question in a fashion so that ran s chance would seem to be gone forever but in the end she comes back to him what the result will be i cannot even guess but i feel it my duty not to encourage to incline toward ran who is really drunken and i remind her how he beat his wife but then she either says any man with must beat his wife now and then when he is n t sober or she declares that anybody might and indeed should beat that sort of a woman i can only the of a saint fall back upon the fact that she cannot marry him without the displeasure of her church and although she never fails to retort that i do not believe in her religion i can see that the argument moves her in with it is very easy to see how necessary a religion is for the management of the ignorant and unreasonable in this case the obstinacy of s attachment may prove too strong for the church but the church is the only thing which in her mind could combat her for a moment sometimes when appeals to me for sympathy i wonder whether genuine love is not entirely independent of reason and i wonder too whether it is or is not a feeling which must last a whole life long i seem to myself to be sure that if i had married george i should always have loved him or i should have loved the image of him i kept in my mind i would have defied proof and reason and whatever he did i should have persuaded myself that no matter what circumstances led him to do he was really noble in his nature i know i should have myself to the very end rather than to give up caring for him and it seems to me that i should have done it with my mental eyes shut i should have been hardly less about it than is what me most is that while i can myself in this lofty way i believe i have in me possibilities of self deception so complete whether it is a virtue in women to be able to cheat themselves into constancy i can t teu and indeed i think all these speculations decidedly sentimental and august aunt came to day like an east august wind bearing depression she has somehow got hold of a that george is where she obtained her information i could not discover she likes to be a little mysterious and she pieces together so many small bits of information that i dare say it would often be hard for her to say exactly what the source of her information really was she is sometimes | 3 |
mistaken but for anybody who tells so many things she is seldom entirely wrong besides i half think that in a village like ours thoughts escape and themselves i am sometimes almost afraid as i write things down in this of mine lest they shall somehow get from the page into the air and aunt will know them the next time she appears this is to me the worst thing about living in a small place it is impossible not to have the feeling of being under a sort of foolish slavery to public opinion a regard to feelings we neither share nor respect and greater still is danger of coming to be interested in trifles of growing to be just as we are simply from living where it is so difficult not to know all about our neighbors speculation was the word which to day aunt rolled as a sweet morsel under her tongue any sort of financial dealing is so strangely far away from our ordinary village ways that any sort of dealing in stocks would i suppose be regarded as rash if not altogether but i do hope that there is nothing in george s business which will lead him into trouble i know that i am about something which is none of my affair and which is probably all right if it has any existence i don t know much about speculation myself the of a saint aunt observed and i doubt if george does he s got a wife who seems bound to spend every cent she can get hold of and it looks as if he found he d got to take extra pains to get it but how should anybody anything about his affairs i asked in perplexed vexation she regarded me everybody knows everything in a place like this she responded i m sure i don t see how everything gets to be known but it does you can t deny that i told her that i was afraid we were dreadfully given to about our neighbors and to talking about things which really did n t concern us some do i suppose she answered coolly but with a twinkle from behind the green veil which is always across her face it s a pity of course but you would n t have us so little interested in each other as not to notice the things we hear would you i laughed of course but did not give up my point entirely but so much that is said is nonsense i persisted here mrs has been in for four or five months and she is already with running into extravagance and bringing her husband into all sorts of things we might at least give her time to get settled before we talk about her so much she had n t been here four or five weeks before she made it plain enough what she is was the promising retort she set out to astonish us as soon as she came that s her western spirit i suppose i did not go on with the talk but secretly the thing august troubles me speculation is a large word and it is nonsense to suppose george to be in any way could come to much or that aunt would know it if he were i do wish people would either stop talking about george or talk to somebody besides me august mrs came in to call to day she makes a round of calls about once in two years and i have not seen her for a long time she had her usual string of questions and asked about me and baby and tom and the girls and the summer preserving until i felt as if i had been through the longest kind of a cross examination just before she left she inquired if mrs had told me that her husband was going to make a lot of money in stocks i said at once that i seldom saw mrs and that i knew nothing about her husband s business affairs but this shows where aunt got her information mrs must have been talking i wonder but it seems to me i am always wondering august has not been near me since she left the house the other evening it seemed better to let her work out things in her own way than to go after her i hoped that if i took no notice she might forget her foolishness and behave in a more natural way i met her in the street this afternoon and stopped to speak with her i said nothing of her having run away but talked as usual at last i asked her if she would not come home with me and she turned and came to the gate then i asked her to come in but she stopped short is the baby gone she demanded the of a saint no i answered you know i shall never come into your house again while that baby is there she declared in an odd quiet sort of way i hate that baby and he that hates is just like a murderer she said it with a certain relish as if she were proud of it i begin to suspect that there may be a good deal of the theatrical mixed with her feeling i said you may be as silly as you like but you can t make me believe anything so absurd as that you hate as for being a murderer in your heart you would n t hurt a fly she looked at me i half thought there was a little disappointment in her first glance then a strange expression as if she unconsciously took herself for audience since i would not serve and went on with her play of wickedness you don t know how wicked i am she responded i am a murderer in my | 3 |
heart a strangely intense look came into her eyes as if a of what she was saying took hold of her and as if she became really frightened by her own assumption she clutched my arm with a grasp which must have been at least half genuine oh miss she said i don t know what i shall do i know i am lost i wanted to shake the child so completely for the moment did i feel that a lot of her emotion was even if unconscious but on the other hand she was actually beginning to turn pale and tremble with the nervous excitement she had raised by her fear or her i said almost severely you know you august are talking nonsense come into the house and have a glass of milk and a of cake you feel better after you ve had something to eat she looked at me with eyes really wild and without a word turned quickly and ran down the street at full speed leaving me utterly confounded i am sure she acts to herself and that her religious is partly theatrical but then i suppose religious always is yet it has a basis in what she believes and with her imaginative hysterical temperament she has the power of taking up her ideas so completely that she gets to be almost beside herself when she is so much in earnest she must be treated i suppose as if all her self and agony of mind were entirely real august i have been to lay a bunch of on mother s grave i wonder and wonder again if she knows when i am so near the place where we left her the place where it always seems to me some life must yet linger i have all my life been familiar with the doubt whether any consciousness any personality death and yet it is as natural to assume that life goes on as it is to suppose the sun will rise to morrow i know that my feeling proves nothing but still instinctively i cling to it in any case there is the chance the dead are alive and alert somewhere in the shadows and if they are they must be glad not to be forgotten i should not be willing to take the chance and neglect the grave of one who had been fond of me mother loved me as i loved her and this i shall run no risk of her being unhappy after death in the thought that i have forgotten the of a saint i suppose i cling to a feeling that there must be some sort of immortality largely from the loneliness i feel the idea of never seeing father or mother again is more than i could endure father used to say that after all each of us is always really alone in this world and even our best friends can no more come close to us than if they did not exist but this always seemed to me a sort of cold forlorn theory the warmth of human companionship somehow makes it impossible for me to feel anything like this when i said so to father i remember he smiled and said he was glad i did find it impossible one thing i am sure of to the very bottom of my heart that things are somehow completely right so that whatever death means it must be part of a whole which is as it should be august to day tom brought me a bunch of cardinal flowers he had been up to the lake meadows he said and thought i might like them the whole parlor is alive with the wonderful crimson no scarlet of the great flaming of blossoms tom used to get them for me when i was a girl but since those days i have had only a stray now and then they bring back the past and the friendship i have had with tom i wonder sometimes why i have never been in love with tom life never seemed complete without him jn the years he kept away on account of george i missed him sorely and more than once i have thought of all sorts of ways to bring things back to the former footing only i knew all the time it was of no use it is the greatest comfort to have the old friendship back and now tom must understand that i have no august more than friendship to give him it would be if he should but i must take care he does not august i have been at the town hall helping to make ready for a festival to raise money for the church miss came after me and of course i had to go she said all that was wanted was my taste to direct about the hall but i have been told so before and i knew from experience that taste is expected to work out its own salvation to be really fair i suppose i should say i cannot stand by and give directions but have to take hold with my own hands so it is nobody s fault but my own if i do things besides it is really good fun among the neighbors with the air full of the smell of with au the pretty young girls making wreaths and laughing while they work and with your feet tangled in and laurel whenever you cross the floor miss is in her element at such a time her great laugh as strong as a man s rings out and she seems for the time quite happy and jolly with excitement it came over me to day almost with a sense of dismay how old i seem to the young girls they treated me with a sort of respect which could n t be put into words exactly i suppose but which i | 3 |
felt somehow i believe the breaking of my engagement has made me seem older to them perhaps it is my foolish fancy but i seem to see that while i was engaged i had still for them a hold on youth which i have now lost i suppose they never thought it out but i know they feel now that i am very much their senior at a time like this too i realize how true it is that the of a saint i am somehow a little outside of the life of the village i have lived here almost all my life except for the years i was at school and a winter or two in boston or abroad i have been generally at home i know almost everybody in town by sight at least yet i always find when i am among people in this way that i am looking at them as if i were a spectator i wonder if this means that i am or queer or only that my life has been so much more among books and intellectual things than the life of most of them i am sure i love the town and my neighbors the thing i wish to put down however has nothing to do with my feelings toward the town it is that i am ashamed of the way i wrote the other day about mr he entered the hall this after noon just as old mrs came in to see the and the lovely way in which he helped the poor old lame creature made me blush for myself i almost wanted to go to him and then and there it would have been awkward however first to explain that i had made fun of him in my and then but he is a good soul even if he did think i was a sort of nineteenth century to give up for the sake of wedding a christian chief and here i go again i august i have been reading to night a book about the east and it has stirred me a good deal the speculations of strange on the great mystery of life and death bring them so close to us they show how alike all mankind is and how we all about after some clue to existence on the whole it is better i think not to give much thought to what may august come after death no more thought that is than we cannot help we can never know and we must either raise vague hopes to make us less alive to the importance of life the reality of life i do not know how to say it of course all religion on the importance of life hut rather as a preparation for another existence i think we need to have it always before us that what is important is not what will happen after we are dead and but what is a win i see this is not very clear but i am sure the great thing is to live as if life were of value in itself to live rightly to make the most out of the life we can see and feel is all that humanity is equal to and it is certainly worth doing for its own sake the idea which has struck me most in what i have been reading to night is the theory that each individual is made up of the fragments of other lives that just as the body is composed of material once part of other bodies so is the spirit built up of feelings and passions and tendencies and traits of temperament formerly in other individuals dead and gone at first thought it does not seem to me a comfortable theory i should not seem to belong to myself any more if i believed it to have the temper of some woman and the affections of another and the tastes of a third it is too much like wearing false hair it does not seem to me possible but it may be true at least it is a theory which may easily be made to seem plausible by the use of facts we all know if it is the true solution of our characters here it is pleasant to think that perhaps we may what for the present is our very own self so it shall be better stuff for the of another generation i should the of a saint like to feel that when this bunch of ideas and emotions goes to pieces the bits would make sweet spots in the individuals they go to make part of i suppose this is what george meant in the choir invisible or something like this as one thinks of the doctrine it is hot so cold and as it struck me in the reading one could bear to lose a conscious future if the alternative was happiness to lives not yet in being i should like though to know it but if there were n t any me to know i should not be troubled as the old philosophers were fond of saying and the important thing would be not for me to know but for the world to be better i begin to see how the doctrine might be a fine to do the best with life that is in any way possible and what more could be asked of any doctrine august baby was ill night before last and we three women were smitten to the heart went for dr and when he came he laughed at our panic and assured me nothing serious was the matter it was only a little caused by the excessive heat i do not know how i should have behaved if it had not been that was in such a panic i had to give all my spare attention to keeping her in | 3 |
order it came to me then what an advantage an officer must have in a battle he cannot break down because he has to look to his men last night i wished greatly tom were in reach it would have been dreadful if anything really serious had happened to baby and he not to know it until it was too late yet he could have done nothing if the worst had been true and he had been here it would have been no comfort to poor little sick to have one person august by her more than another so long as her nurses were not strangers a father is nothing to her yet i won der when he will be i yesterday was better and to night she seems as well as ever but it will take time for me to be rid entirely of fear i wonder if she had gone whether her little bunch of vitality would have been scattered through new lives she can hardly have much personality or individuality yet sometimes the universe the power that keeps going on and on and which is so unmoved by human pain strikes me as too terrible for thought but i cling desperately to father s idea that nature is too great to be unkind and that what looks to us like cruelty is only the size of things too big for us to grasp it is a riddle and the way i put it is neither so clear nor wise i suppose as the theories of countless religious teachers they and i alike at things human insight is not equal to i doubt much if it is profitable to in this vein think all you can about life as a good and glorious thing father wrote to me once when i had expressed in a school letter some trouble or other about what comes after death but keep in mind that of what came before we were born or will happen after we are dead we shall never in this life know anything no matter how much we so dreaming about it or about it is simply building air castles i have said over to myself ever since i began to be perplexed that to about another life is to build air castles baby is well again and i will not fret or dream of what it would mean if she had slipped away from us august i must settle myself a little by writing the of a saint or i shall be like old mrs who said that for years she never slept a wink because her nerves like all over her inside i have certainly been through an experience which might make anybody s nerves about half past two o clock brought me a note and said that girl left it and told me not to give it to you till three o clock but if i don t give it to you now i know i d forget it i opened the note without thinking anything about the time it was written in s hand and as if it had been cried over this is what it said miss this letter is to bid you good by you are the only one in the world i love and nobody loves me i cant stand you to love that baby better than me and is so angry it make any difference what i do now when you read this i shall be in torment forever because i am going down to to myself because i am so wicked and nobody loves me tell on me because it would make you feel bad and father like it to get round a child of his had herself and mother would cry yours truly and with a a sad and loving good by forever p s if they get me to bury will you please put some flowers on my coffin no more from yours truly k t my first impulse was to laugh at this absurd note but it came over me suddenly that there was no know august ing what that child will do even now i am bewildered i cannot get it out of my mind that there is a good deal of the theatrical in bat i may be all wrong at any rate i reflected how she has a way of acting so that apparently she can herself take it for real i thought it over a while then i got my hat and started down the street with the notion that at least it would do no harm to go down to and see if were there as i walked on recalling her incomprehensible actions a dreadful feeling grew in my mind that she might have meant what she said and she would be more likely to try to drown herself because she had told me a sort of panic seized me and just then the town clock struck three i had got down just opposite the foot bridge and when i remembered that three was the time when i was to have the note i feared i should be too late and i began to run fortunately there was nobody in sight and as i came to the bend in the street i saw george coming leading by the arm she was dripping wet and half staggering although she kept her feet i hurried up to them too much out of breath with haste and excitement to be able to speak george called out as i came up to them see what a fish i ve caught why gasped i with a stupidity that was lucky for it kept george from suspecting you ve been in the water she gave me a queer look but she said nothing a little more and she d have stayed there george put in you are wet too i said looking at him | 3 |
for the first time the of a saint yes he returned luckily i got off my coat and as i ran so i saved my watch but everything else is wet fast enough how did it happen i asked she was trying to get sugar from those trees by the water george answered and i suppose she lost her balance i was going along the road and heard her scream along the road i echoed for i knew is too far from the road for him to have heard a cry she fell in just by the old on the point he said the boys were in swimming in the explained in a way which was of course unintelligible to george well george commented after a moment in which he seemed to clear up her meaning the next time you want sugar you d better get them when the boys are out of the way so you need n t go in swimming yourself we had been walking along the road as we talked and by this time had reached the foot bridge i told george he must go home and get on dry clothing and i would see to he at first but i insisted so he left us to cross the bridge alone we walked in silence almost across the bridge and then i asked her what kept against me as i held her up it s rocks in my pocket she answered quite in a matter of fact way i put em there to sink me i could have shaken her on the spot so was my mood but i managed to answer her in a perfectly cool tone august then you had better take them out i said she got her hand into her pocket and out three or four pebbles which all together would n t have sunk a three days old and when these had been thrown over the bridge we proceeded on our way my doubts of the of the whole performance grew in spite of me i do not know exactly why i am coming so strongly to feel that is not wholly but i cannot get rid of the idea i asked did you see mr coming when you jumped in she looked up at me with eyes so honest i was ashamed of myself but when she answered that she had seen him i went on to ask if she did not know he would save her i thought if he was coming i d got to hurry she returned as simply as possible i was more puzzled than ever and i am puzzled still whether she really meant to take her life or whether she only thought she meant it does not i suppose make any great difference but i confess i have been trying to make out ever since i left her i would like to discover whether she is trying to fool me or as much to cheat herself or is honest in it all but i see no way in which i am ever likely to be satisfied i asked her to say nothing at home about how her happened and i satisfied her mother by repeating what george had said to morrow i must have it out with mr somehow or other although i am still completely in the dark what i shall say to him i hope the old fairy tales are right when they say the morning is wiser than the evening the of a saint august the morning is wiser than the evening for i got up to day with a clear idea in my mind what i had better do about it is always a great comfort to have a definite plan of action out and i ate my breakfast in a cheerful frame of mind intending to go directly to see mr while i should be fairly sure of finding him i reckoned without however who presented herself at the dining room window before i had finished my coffee and begged me to come out i can t come in without breaking my word she said i could not argue with the absurd in that situation so i went out into the garden with her and sat down on the bench by the sun dial the big red roses father was so fond of are all in blossom and in the morning air were wonderfully sweet it was an day and the dew was not entirely dried so the garden had not lost the freshness it has when it first wakes up i was by the smell of the roses and the beauty of everything and the clearness of the air held baby up to us at the nursery window above and i waved my hand to her smiling from pure delight in everything watched me with her great eyes and when i sat down on the bench she threw herself at full length on the grass and burst out sobbing you do love her better than me she i came to say how sorry i was but i m sorry now that i did n t stay in the water i took her by the shoulder and spoke to her so sternly that i startled her you are not to talk in that way any more i said i am fond of you and i am fond of baby august but if baby were big and talked this silly way yoa do you suppose i would allow it sit up and stop crying i have always been careful not to hurt her feelings perhaps i have been too careful she sat up now and then rose to her feet in a dazed sort of way i determined to see if anything was to be made out of her mood said i how much of that performance yesterday was real and how much was tell me the truth she grew | 3 |
a little paler and her eyes dilated i looked her straight in the face half minded to force her if need be to give me some guidance in what i should do i really meant to drown myself she answered solemnly only when i saw the water and thought of hell i was afraid she stopped and i encouraged her to go on saw mr and i was scared of him and and everything and so i jumped in i reflected that very likely the child was more of a puzzle to herself than she was to me and in any case i had more important ends to gain than the satisfying of my curiosity so i asked her as gently as could if she really believed she would be lost if she killed herself oh yes miss she cried with feverish eagerness then why do you do it i went on how do you dare to do it she looked at me with a growing in her face that was certainly genuine i m lost anyway she burst out i know i have the of a saint been too wicked for god to forgive me i have committed murder in my heart and i know i was never meant to be saved stop i i commanded her you are a little foolish girl too young even to know what you are talking about how dare you decide what god will do she regarded me with a look of as if i were a stranger whom she had never seen and indeed i can well believe i seemed one then the of her mind came back to the constant idea that s just it she declared that s just my wickedness after this i refused to go into the subject any further i got up and asked her if i should find her father at home she begged me not to go to see him and then said with an air of relief that he had gone out to mills to visit a sick woman i did not stay with her longer i said i must go into the house and as she refused to come i left her a forlorn little figure there among the roses and went in it seemed hard to do it but i had made up my mind she had better not indulge in any more talk this morning august cousin in a letter which came this morning me because of my existence but i begin to feel that life is becoming too lurid i have to day bearded no mr has n t any beard but i have had my interview with him and i feel as if i had been leading a cavalry charge up a hill in the face of a battery of whatever kind of guns are most destructive i am somewhat confused about the beginning of our talk i got so excited later that the tame august have slipped away but i know i said i had come to make a proposition about and somehow i led up to the child s mad performance the other day i showed him the note and told him the story but not until i had made him promise not to mention the matter to the child when he had finished he was as pale as my handkerchief his thin face positively withered with pain i cannot keep silence about this he said when i had finished i must withdraw my promise miss my s soul is in danger i am sure that i am not ill tempered but over and her father i find myself in a state of which to destroy all my claims to be considered u sane and temperate body i had to struggle to keep myself in hand this morning but at first at least i succeeded mr i said i cannot release you i should never have told you except on your promise and you cannot honestly break it now listen to me i have no right to dictate but i cannot stand by and see dear little going to ruin i am sure i know what is good for her just now better than you do she is a good child only she has gone nearly wild brooding over questions she should never have heard of until she was old enough to judge them more reasonably he tried to interrupt me but i put up my hand to stop him and went on you know how nervous and high strung she is and you cannot think her capable of looking fairly at the awful mysteries with which a creed but i have only instructed her in those things on which her eternal salvation depends he broke in the of a saint her eternal salvation does not depend on her being driven into a or made to drown herself i retorted feeling as if i were brutal but that it could n t be helped the truth is mr you have been offering up as a sacrifice to your creed just as the fathers and mothers of old made their children pass through the fires to he gasped and some thin blood rushed to his face but i did not stop i have no doubt they were conscientious just as you are but that did n t make it any better for the children you have been entirely conscientious in e but you have been her his face was positively gray and there was a look of anguish in his eyes which made me weak it would have been so much easier to go on if he had been angry you don t understand he said you think all religion is a delusion so of course you can t see you think i don t love my child and that i am so wrapped up in my creed i can t see she suffers you | 3 |
won t believe it hurts me more than it does her do you think then i asked him doing my best to keep back the tears that it can give any pleasure to a kind heavenly father i do understand you have been so afraid of not doing your duty to you have brought her almost to madness at most don t don t he interrupted putting out his hand as if i had struck him oh miss if she had i saw the real affection and feeling of the man as i have never realized them i had been hard and per august cruel but it was necessary to save i spoke now as gently as i could no matter for the things that did n t happen mr she is safe and sound but she meant to do it he returned in a tone so low i could hardly catch the words meant i repeated she is n t in a condition to mean anything she was by brooding over things that at her age she should never even have heard of i beg your pardon mr but does n t what has happened prove she is too to be troubled with yet i am not of your creed but i respect your feeling about it only you must see that to thrust these things on means madness and despair but she might die he broke in she might die without having made her peace with her maker and be lost forever there was anguish in his face and i know he meant it from the bottom of his heart but in his voice was the trace of conventional repetition of phrases which made it possible for me to be overcome by i looked at him in that mingled fury of impatience and passionate conviction of my which must have been the state of the of old when the spirit of prophecy descended upon them i realize now that to have the spirit of prophecy it is necessary to lose the temper to a degree not altogether in ordinary circumstances i blazed out on that poor thin blooded dejected weak minded loving minister and told him he insulted the god he i said he had better consider the text i will have mercy and not sacrifice i flung two or three other at him while he stood dazed the of a saint with astonishment i at him like a become feminine flesh and fortunately he did not remember that even the old nick is with being able to scripture for his purposes i think the subdued him so that it is well father brought me up to know the bible at least i reduced mr to a state where he was as clay in the hands of the then i presented to his consideration my scheme to send away to boarding school for a year i told him he was at liberty to select the school if only it was one where she would not be too much troubled about of course i knew it would be hopeless to think of her going to a school entirely but i have already begun to make inquiries about the relative of schools and i think we may find something that will do to put the child into surroundings entirely new where her mind will be taken away from herself and where a consciousness of the keenly eyes of girls of her own age will keep her theatrical tendencies in check should work wonders i made mr give his consent and before i left the house i saw mrs i told her not to trouble about s and so i hope that bother is pretty well straightened out for the present august george has taken a violent cold from his and is confined to the house i hope that it is nothing serious it is especially awkward now for mr is coming over from in a day or two to go over his accounts as came over this morning while i was at break f a t and tapped on the dining room window she was august positively shining with happiness i never saw a child so transformed oh miss she cried out as soon as i tamed oh won t yon come oat here i do so want to kiss yoa i asked her to come inside bat she said she had promised not to and rather than to get into a i went oat to her she ran dancing up to me fairly quivering with excitement oh miss she said it is too good to be true you are the most loveliest lady that ever lived oh i am so happy i had to laugh at her but it was touching to see her she was no more like the morbid hollow eyed girl she had been than if she had never had a trouble it is wonderful that out of the family of a parson should come a nature so but after all the spiritual and which have worn mr as thin as a leaf in december must have their root in a temperament of keenly extremes i always wanted to go to boarding school e went on possessing herself of my hand and covering it with kisses but mother always said we could n t afford it now i am going oh i shall have such a beautiful time i laughed at her enthusiasm but i tried to moderate her extravagance a little by telling her that at boarding school she would have to work and to live by rule so that she must give up her wild ways oh i ll work she responded her i be the best girl you ever heard of i beg your pardon for everything i ve done and i never do anything bad again the of a saint this seemed to me rather too general to amount | 3 |
to much but that she was so much pleased was after all the chief thing so i made no allusion to particular i did not even urge her to come into the house for i felt this was a point for her to work out in her own mind we walked in the garden discussing the preparations for her leaving home and it was droll and pathetic to find how poverty had bred in her fantastic little a certain sort of she said in the most fact way that it would be nice for her father to have one less mouth to fill and that she supposed her smaller sisters could have her old clothes i confess she did not in talking exhibit any great generosity of mind but perhaps it was not to be expected of a child dazzled by the prospect of having a dream come true and of actually being blessed with more than one new frock at a time i am not clear what the result of sending her among strangers will be and i see that a good deal of care will be necessary in choosing the school i do believe good must come of it however and at least we are doing the best we can august i went over to george s this morning to find out whether he is able to see mr he was in bed but insisted upon seeing me i have had a terrible day i left him completely broken down with his confession o mother mother august i cried myself to sleep last night it is so terrible to feel that a friend has done wrong and proved himself unworthy i could not help shivering to think of george and of how he has had night after night to go to sleep with the know august ledge of his i settled in my own mind what i could do to cover his which fortunately is small enough for me to provide for by going to boston and selling some of the bonds aunt left me and which mr has nothing to do with then i lay there in the dark and my until somehow i found myself in the middle of a comforting dream i dreamed that i was a little girl and that i was broken hearted about some indefinite thing that had happened i had in my dream so far as i can recall no idea what the trouble was but he grief was keen and my tears most copious i was in the very of my childish woe when father came behind me picked me up like a feather and set me down in his lap i had that sense of companionship which can be named but never described and i clung to him with a frantic clasp he kissed me and wiped away my tears with soothing words and then at last he whispered in my ear as a precious secret something so infinitely comforting that my sorrow vanished utterly i broke into smiles and kissed him again and again crying out that it was too good to be true and he had made me happy for my whole life so keen was my joy that i awoke and lay in bed half dreaming stiu saying over and over to myself his words as if they would forever be a against any pain which life might bring gradually i became sufficiently wide awake to realize what this wonderful message of joy was and found myself repeating pigs have four feet and one tail of course i laughed at the absurdity but the comfort stayed with me all the same and all day i have gone about with a peaceful mind cheered by the the of a saint effect of this precious fact of natural history i went to boston and came back without seeing anybody but business men i saw george a moment on my way from the station and now everything is ready for mr to morrow both george and i may sleep to night in peace all the way to and from boston i found myself going over my whole acquaintance with george questioning myself about what he has been and what he is to night i have been reading over what i have written of him in my and the picture i find of him this year has gone to my heart i am afraid i have not been kind perhaps have not been just for if what i have been writing is true george is he is not a gentleman it does not me now to write this as it would have done two days ago i am afraid it will be years before i am able to get out of my remembrance how he looked when he confessed it seems almost as if i should never be able to think of him again except as i saw him then his face almost as as his pillow and then red with shame he looked morally as well as physically i do not know whether i blamed him more or less because he was so eager to throw the whole blame on his wife s extravagance i only know that it can hardly have been more cruel for him to tell me of his than it was for me to hear if he had asked me i would have lent him money or given it to him for that matter and done it gladly rather than to have him troubled to think how he must have been and for this pitiful sum just two or three hundred dollars before he could have made up his mind to borrow it on my august he might have got it honestly it was so little bat he did not wish anybody to know he needed it pride and folly and vanity i am so hurt that i begin to rail i will | 3 |
put the whole thing out of my mind and never think of it again if i can help it ix september september at last is gone what with having and seeing to her and doing the and corresponding with the principal of the school and all the rest of it i have had my hands full for the last three weeks i have enjoyed it though i suppose it is always a pleasure of the moral for a woman when she can give her whole mind up to the making of clothes i do not doubt the delight of sewing fig leaves together went for the moment far toward comforting eve for leaving paradise i cannot now help smiling to see how entirely s fine scruples about breaking her vow not to come into the house were forgotten when i had a here waiting to fit her i feel a little as if i were trying to be providence and to interfere in her life now she is gone and there is nothing more to do about it but to await the result i have done what i thought best though and that is the whole of it as father used to say it is not our duty to do the wisest thing for we cannot always tell what it is but only to be honest in doing what seems to us wisest i hope she will do well and i believe she will september cousin writes me from borne that she is sure i am tired of baby and had better come over for a couple of months i cannot tell whether she means what she says or is only trying to carry her point she has never had a child near her and can hardly know how completely a baby takes possession of one there are many things in the world that i should enjoy and i should certainly delight in going abroad again but baby has so taken the first place in my heart and life that everything else is secondary i wonder sometimes whether after a woman has a child of her own she can any longer give her husband her very warmest love perhaps the law of compensation comes in and if men grow less absorbed in their wives the wives have an equal of coming to feel that the husband is less a part of their lives than the child only if a woman really loved a man september it is a childish habit to break off in the middle of a sentence because one does not know how to finish it i have been turning over the leaves of this book to see if i had done it often and i have been amused and to find so many places where i have ended with a dash like an hysterical yet i do not see just what one is to do when suddenly one finds a subject hopelessly too deep last night when i got to a place where i was the love of a mother for her husband and for her child i naturally realized suddenly that i had never had a child and very likely never really loved a man the love i had for george seems now so unreal that i feel completely although i believe i am generally pretty constant i could not bear to think i am not loyal in my feelings i have come to be so the op a saint sure the george i was food of never existed that i can hardly have the same feelings i had before this is the sort of subject however which is sure to end in a dash if i go on with it so it seems wiser to stop before such a catastrophe is reached september to day is father s birthday it is always a day which moves me a good deal i can never be reminded of an like this without finding my head full of a swarm of thoughts i cannot think of the beginning or the ending of father s life without looking at it as a whole and reckoning up somehow the effect of his having lived this is the real question i suppose in regard to any life he was to me so wonderful he was so great a man that i have almost to reason with myself to appreciate why the world in general does not better remember him his life was and is so much to me that i find it hard to realize how narrow is the circle which ever even of him at all his books and his keep his name still in the memory of lawyers somewhat and those who knew him will not easily forget but after au this is so little in comparison to the fame he might have had how persistent is an old thought i should have supposed this idea might have died long ago father himself answered it when he told cousin he was entirely satisfied if his part in the progress of humanity was conducted decently and in order he was not concerned whether anybody knew he lived or did not know the thing is that i live as well as i can he said and not that it should be known about i shan t mind cousin whether september anybody takes the trouble to praise me after i am dead but i do think it may make some tiny difference to the race that i did my level best while i was alive i can see him now as he stood by the library fire saying this with his little half smile and i remember thinking as he spoke how perfectly he lived up to his theories certainly the best thing a man can le ive to his children is a memory like that which i have of father a memory half love and half respect father s feeling | 3 |
about the part of the individual in the general scheme of things was like certain oriental doctrines i have read since his death and i suppose he may have been influenced by the writings of the east he seemed to feel that he was part of a process and that the lives of those who sometime would come after him might be made easier and happier if he lived well and wisely i am sure he was right i do not know how or where or when the accounts of life are settled or whether it makes any difference to the individual as an individual or not but i am sure what we do is of consequence and i wish my life might be as fine as strong as noble as was father s september aunt came in this with her step and seated herself by the south window in the sunshine the only eye which could be seen clearly was bright with intention and it was evident at a glance that she had things to say she was rather deliberate in coming at it aunt is an artist in gossip and never spoils the effect of what she has to tell by failing to arouse expectation the of a saint and interest she leads one on and np curiosity before she tells her news and with so much cleverness does she manage that a very tiny bit of gossip will seem a good deal when she has set it forth it is a pleasure to see anything well done even gossip so aunt is an source of amusement to me which is perhaps not to my credit she made the usual remarks about the weather and asked after baby she observed that from the way miss breathed when she was asleep in prayer meeting last night she was afraid she had taken cold she told me s wife was at death s door again and tried to get from me some sort of information of s feelings toward the possible then she gradually and approached her real subject it s strange how folks get over being in love when once they are married she said her chair into the sunlight which had moved a little from her while she talked i knew by her careless tone too careless not to be that something was coming but i would not help her i simply smiled vaguely and asked where the sewing circle was to be next week she was not disconcerted by the question but neatly turned it to her uses at mrs s she answered i hope we shan t see anything unpleasant across the road what do you mean i asked rather startled at this plain allusion to george s house they say george and his wife do rather queer things sometimes i asked her at once to say exactly what she meant and not to play with it i added that i did not see september why george and his wife should be so much discussed they are talked about because they deserve it returned evidently delighted by the effect she had produced if they will quarrel so all the neighborhood can hear and see of course people will talk about it why shouldn t they we ought to take some interest in folks i should think i was silent a minute i wanted to know why she said this and what george and his wife had been doing to make the village comment but i would not go on about them and i dropped the subject altogether i made a remark about the fair aunt chuckled audibly but she did not persist in talking about the september is once more in a state of excitement and the household is stirred goes about with her head in the air and an expression of the most lofty scorn on her face naturally this attitude both of mind and of body so i have to act as a sort of between the two the fuss is about again i begin to feel that i should be justified in having him and carried off to some far country but i hardly see my way clear to measures so extreme i am astonished to find that aunt did not know all the facts about the illness of s wife or perhaps she was too much occupied with the affairs of the to tell the whole seems this time to have got into real difficulty and apparently as the result of his latest is likely to pay a visit to the of a saint the county jail it seems that while he was pretty far gone in liquor ex mrs came to plead with him to take her back and marry her over again she having had the difficulty in getting from him in the first place one would think she might be content to let well enough alone but she is evidently madly fond of who must be a good deal of an in his own world so completely does he sway the hearts of the women even though they know him to be brutal drunken and generally worthless on this occasion behaved worse than usual and met his former wife s petition by giving her a severe beating with the first thing which came to hand the thing being an axe handle the poor woman is helpless in her bed and has been taken possession of by the refuses to see anything in the incident which is in the least to the of i was in the garden this morning and overheard her defending her lover against s severe upon him and upon for with him why should n t he beat his own wife when she deserved it demanded and she nothing but a hateful sharp pig she is n t his wife retorted apparently not prepared to protest against a doctrine so well established as that a | 3 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sat on the floor together to entertain her she was pleased to be in the most sunny mood imaginable and responded to our most graciously with truly feminine preference however she bestowed most of her attention upon the man she is a more every day and she certainly has her father s eyes i compared them this afternoon september the reading room seems really at last to be coming into being i have found a place for it it is a kind of square box over the post office but with furniture and pictures it can be made rather attractive i have made out a list of and sent to boston for framed photographs for the walls to day i went to talk over the plan with the mill was fragrant with its sweet smell and daniel was as dusty as a miller as i stood in the doorway waiting for him to come down from the wheel where he was doing something or other about the i fell to humming the old rhyme we sang as children when we went by the mill miller miller how many bags of wheat yoa stole one of wheat and one of ton miller yon die that is n t very polite daniel said coming up behind me before i knew he had left his perch september i turned and greeted bim repeating the last line ton naughty miller yon must die i i suppose i must he assented but it won t be for stealing miss i love the old mill with its great beams and its continual sound of dashing water and the of the grinding away at the com like an monster that can never have enough the smell of the meal too is so pleasant and even the abundant dust is so clean and fresh it seems to belong there the mellow light through the dim windows and the shadows hiding in every comer have always from childhood appealed to my imagination i find there always a soothing and serene mood i want your advice i said so as not to follow it he demanded that s what women generally want of advice i assured him i was ready to follow his advice if it were good and so we talked about the reading room i told him it seemed to me that if it was to go on properly it should have a head somebody to manage it and be responsible for the way in which it was carried on but you will do that yourself he said i answered that it must be a man for it was nonsense to think of a woman s running a reading room for men he looked at me for a moment with his droll grin and then he was pleased to say that for a woman i had a remarkable amount of common sense i thanked him for the compliment to my sex and then asked if he would undertake the business and promise not to the readers out the way he did the prayer the of a saint i m not the sort of person you want he answered at my allusion to the fire question i ve sense enough to know that without being a woman why don t you ask tom i confessed that i had thought of tom but and there i stuck for i could hardly tell the how i thought gossip had already said enough about tom and myself without my giving folk any more to talk about i don t know what that bnt means he re marked grinning more than ever as if he did know perfectly anyway there s nobody in town who could do it so well all the men and boys like him and he has a level head he s the only one of the young fellows that s been to college and he ought to know more about books than any of the rest of them besides he needs something to take up his mind i felt the was right and i began to ask myself whether my personal feelings should be allowed to count in such a matter still i could hardly make up my mind to take the of putting tom at the head of a reading room i had started if nothing else were to be considered i did not want my connection with the plan to be too prominent and gossip about tom would be just the thing to keep my name always to the front i hope you are sensible enough to do one thing daniel went on and that is to have everybody who uses the room pay for it it need n t be much but they respect it and themselves more if they pay something and it give them the right to i don t want them to i returned oh nobody cares much for anything he can t mm september about was his reply with a laugh but really they are twice as likely to if you pay for everything than if they help that s the way we are made i told him that he was an old but i saw in a moment he was right about the value that would be put on a thing which was paid for if the men feel they are helping to support the reading room they will take a good deal more interest in it tom will manage them all right the con declared he let them just enough and make them so contented they ll think they re having their own way while he s going ahead just the way he thinks best he s the only man for the place perhaps he is and indeed the more i think about it the more i see the is right it would certainly be good for tom and that is a good deal i wonder what | 3 |
i ought to do what daniel said about the way in which tom would manage the men has been running through my mind i wonder that i who have known tom so well never thought before of how great his power is to control people it showed itself when he was a boy and if he had carried out his plan to study law it would have been i do wonder if tom is working by himself and if that is the reason he borrowed those law books september old lady has solved the question for me i am so glad i thought to go to her for advice she suggests that we have a committee and make then tom can be put on and really do the work the of a saint it wouldn t do at all for you to put tom at the head alone my dear she said it would make talk and aunt would have you married to him a dozen times before the week was over but this way it will be all right i asked her if did not usually have three on them and she answered that would know i belong to an old fashioned generation my dear and i never can feel that it s quite respectable for a woman to know about and that sort of thing i m sure in my day it would n t have been thought well bred but daniel will know he s always on at church and once more i visited the mill and told daniel of old lady suggestion he agreed at once and declared the plan was better than that of having one man at the head it u be much the same thing as far as managing the reading room goes he observed his chin thoughtfully but somehow folks like and they generally think they have a better show if three or four men are running things than if there s only one of course one man always does manage but a committee s more popular daniel was very sure that the committee should have three on it and when i asked who should be the other man he said if it were anybody else but you miss i should n t think it was any use to say it but you see what i mean i think is the man for the third place the blacksmith i asked a good deal surprised september i m afraid i don t see what you mean i don t even know him the gi down on me from his height and made me a characteristic retort he does n t look as if he d kept awake nights on that account the blacksmith s jolly round face and twinkling eyes as i had seen him on the street now and then came up before my mind and i felt the full force of the s irony i told him that he was impertinent and asked why he named mr because he answered seriously what you want is for the folks that have n t any books at home and don t have a chance to read to get interested in the reading room if takes hold of it he do more than anybody else in town could do to make it go among just those folks he s shrewd and and everybody that knows him likes him he have all the boys in the reading room if he has to take them there by the collar and if he does they think it s fine i could see at once the wisdom of the s idea i asked how tom and the blacksmith would work together and was assured that mr has a most unlimited admiration for tom so that the two would agree perfectly i made up my mind on the spot and decided to go at once to interview the blacksmith from whose shop i could hear above the of the mill the blows on the i had no time on the little way from the mill to the blacksmith shop to consider what i should say to mr and i passed the time in hoping there would be no men about it made no difference he was so straightforward and simple so kindly and human the of a saint that i felt at ease with him from the first he was luckily alone so i walked in boldly as if i were in the habit of visiting the every day of my life he looked surprised to see me but not in the least disconcerted the self respecting coolness of a new england is something most admirable mr was and dressed in dirty clothes leather apron and all but his manners were as good as those of the best gentleman in the land there is something noble in a country where a common will meet you with no and without any self consciousness i liked mr from the moment i saw his face and heard his voice rich and cheery and i was won by his merry eyes which had all the time a twinkling suggestion of a smile ready to break out on the slightest occasion i went straight to my errand and nothing could have been better than the way in which he received my proposition he had no false modesty and no over assurance he evidently knew that he could do what was required he was pleased to be asked and he was troubled by no doubts about social or i suppose mr will do most of what work there is to do i said but he will be an easy person to work with on a committee i should think yes he will the blacksmith responded heartily there ain t a fellow alive than tom tom s been a bit wild perhaps but he s an awful good fellow just the same if you | 3 |
know him i m pleased to be on the committee with him miss and i do my best i think the boys do about as i want em to i had only to see mr to understand why september daniel had chosen him i think the committee but oh good gracious mercy me as the old woman in the story it just occurs to me that i have not said a word to tom about the whole business september it is strange that my only difficulty in arranging about the reading room should come from tom on whom i had counted as a matter of course but it is fortunate that i had assumed he would serve for this is what made him consent when i saw him to day and told him what i had done he at first said he could not possibly have anything to do with the whole matter i thank you he said but don t you see i had better not give folks any occasion to think of me at all just now the need only to be reminded of my being alive and they will begin all over again tom i asked him desperately are you never going to get over this bitter feeling i can t bear to have you go on thinking that everybody is talking about you i don t blame them for talking was his answer i assured him he would have been pleased if he could have heard the way in which mr spoke of him yesterday oh he is too good hearted to fling at anybody but was just as friendly i insisted yes he would be it is n t the men they are ready to give a fellow a chance but the women the of a saint he did not seem to know how to finish his sentence and i reminded him that i too was a woman oh you responded tom you re an angel you might almost be a man i laughed at him for putting men above angels and so by making him smile by him and appealing to his friendliness to back me up now i had committed myself i prevailed upon him to serve i am sure it will be good for the reading room and i am equally sure it will be good for tom why in the world this victory should have left me a little inclined to be blue i do not understand october i went this afternoon to walk on the road the day was beyond words in its beauty crisp and clear and rich with all that vitality which nature seems so full of in autumn as if it were filling itself with life to withstand the long strain of the winter the leaves were splendid in their color and shone against the sky as if they were full of happiness perhaps it was the day that made it possible for me to see the red house without a pang but i think it was the sense of baby at home well and happy and learning unconsciously of course to love me with every day that goes over her small head a thin thread of smoke up from the chimney and i thought i ought to go in to see if the old grandmother was there i wonder if it is right not to try if the blessed might not soften her old heart battered and if it be nobody answered my knock however and so i did not see mrs for which i was glad she has not been very gracious when i have sent her things so i was not i confess especially anxious for an interview i went away smiling to myself over a saying of father s there is nothing so pleasant as a disagreeable duty escaped october i really know something which has the of a saint escaped the of aunt and i feel greatly puffed up in consequence has been here this evening and as it was rather cool i had a brisk cheery fire i do like to be warm he said stretching out his hand to the blaze i never could understand why i feel the cold so i should think it was age if it had n t always been so from the time i was a boy i thought of the cold and smiled to myself as i wondered if daniel had ideas of self torture then i should think you would be fond of big fires i observed i am he responded only they make me sleepy i m like a i go to sleep when i get warmed through i laughed outright and when he asked me what i was laughing at i told him it was partly at the idea of his being like a and partly because i had found him out it is all very well for you to keep the as cold as a bam so that you can keep awake i added but don t you think it is unfair to the rest of the congregation to them too he looked rather disconcerted a moment and then grinned though heat makes other people sleepy too he said i him a little and told him i should send a couple of loads of wood to the and that if it were necessary i would give him a bottle of to keep him awake but certainly the room must be warmer i declared i would not have dear old lady october exposed to the danger of even if he was like a it is really quite as touching as it is absurd to think of his sitting in prayer meeting shivering and uncomfortable because he feels it his duty to keep awake in times dancing before the lord was a legitimate form of worship it is almost a pity that sleeping before the lord cannot be put among | 3 |
proper religious dear miss always sleeps devoutly i am sure at every prayer meeting and then comes out declaring it has been a beautiful meeting i have no doubt she has been refreshed even if she has nodded father used to say that no religion could be permanent until men were able to give their deity a sense of humor and i do think a supreme being which could not see the humorous side of pathetic mortification of the flesh in his frosty could hardly have the necessary to manage the universe properly october has settled the question of marriage for the present at least he has his first wife to prevent her from bringing suit against him as miss rather boldly said he has the beating by marrying the woman takes the matter coolly she says she is glad to have things so she can t think of for now she can take and not bother any more about it it s a comfort to any woman not to have to decide what man she marry she remarked with her amazing philosophy then you d like to have somebody arrange a mar l the of a saint for you i said rather for the sake of saying something arrange is it she cried up suddenly what for would i have somebody making my marriage i d like to see anybody that would dare i the moral of which seems to be that if is so much of a philosopher that she sometimes seems to me to be talking scraps out of old heathen she is yet only a woman october aunt had about her when she came stealthily in this afternoon an air of excitement so evident as almost to be i could see by the very hurry of her sliding step and the extra of her veil that something had stirred her greatly what is it aunt i asked at once you fairly with news what s happened she smiled and gave a little but my salutation made her instantly moderate her movements she sat down with a composed and self contained air and only by the unusually vigorous swinging of her foot showed that she was not as serene as on ordinary occasions who said anything had happened she demanded i returned that she showed it by her looks something is always happening i suppose i know aunt well enough to understand that the way of coming at her tidings was to pretend indifference so i asked no more questions but made a careless remark about the weather what made you think anything had happened persisted she it was simply an idea that came into my head october was my reply i hope daniel keeps the warm in these days aunt was not proof against this parade of indifference and in a moment she broke out with her story well she declared tom seems bound to be talked about tom i echoed what is it now i confess my heart sank with the fear that he had become desperate with the pressure of weary days and had somehow defied all the narrow which hem him in here in this little town it s the woman aunt announced if you get mixed up with that sort of creatures there s no knowing what you come to but what about her i demanded so eagerly that i became suddenly conscious of the keen curiosity which my manner brought into her glance what has she been doing i went on trying to be cool it was only by much questioning that i got the story had it not been for my real interest in tom i would not have so much but as it was she had me at her mercy and knew it what happened so far as i can make out is this the woman has been worse than ever since s death she has been drunk in the streets more than once and i am afraid the help she has had from tom and others has only led her to greater once came upon her lying in the ditch beside the road and she has made trouble more than once besides the last evening tom came upon a mob of men and boys down by the wharf and in the midst of them was mrs singing and howling the of a saint they were her and saying things to provoke her to more outrageous they do say observed aunt with what seemed to me i am ashamed to say an relish her swearing was something awful john told me he never heard anything like it he said no man could begin to come up to it john that owns the smoke houses i put in what was he doing there i always thought he was a decent man so he is he says she returned with her smile he was just passing by and could n t help hearing i dare say you could n t have helped hearing if you d been passing by i should have passed pretty quickly then but what did tom do she went on to say that tom had come upon this disgraceful scene and found the crowd made up of all the lowest fellows in town the men were shouting with laughter and the old woman was shrieking with rage and john says as soon as tom saw what was going on and who the woman was he broke through the crowd and took her by the arm and told her to come home she cursed him and said she would n t go and then she cried and they had a dreadful time then somebody in the crowd john says he thinks it was one of the boys that burnt s barn you remember about that don t you they live somewhere down beyond the old i remember that the bam was burned answered i | 3 |
but what did the boy do last night october he called out to tom to get out of the way and not spoil the fun then tom turned on the crowd and i guess he gave it to them hot and heavy i m sure i hope he did i said fervently he said he thought they might be in better business than an old drunken woman like that and called them to their faces they got mad and wanted to know what business it was of his anyway then he blazed out again and said i do not know whether the pause aunt made was designed to rouse me still further or whether she hesitated unconsciously but i was too excited to care what did he say i asked he told them she was his mother in law tom said that to that crowd cried i and i felt the tears spring into my eyes it was chiefly excitement of course but the pluck of it and the hurt to tom came over me in a flash what did they do they just muttered and got out of the way john said it was n t two minutes before tom was left alone with the old woman and then he took her home it s a pity she would n t drink herself to death i think it is aunt was my answer though i wished to add that the sentiment was rather a queer one to come from anybody who believes as she does i do not know what else aunt said indeed when she had told her tale she seemed in something of a hurry to leave and i suspect her of going on to repeat it somewhere else tom s sin has left a trail of consequences behind it which he could never have the of a saint dreamed of i cannot tell whether i pity him more for this or honor him for the courage with which he stood up poor tom october an odd thing has happened to the a man came in the storm last night and dropped insensible on the he might have lain there all night and very likely would have died before morning but george when he started for bed chanced to open the door to look at the weather he found the tramp wet and covered with and at first thought that he was either dead or drunk when he had got him in and out by the kitchen fire the man proved to be ill george sent for dr and had a bed made up in the shed chamber but when he told me this morning he said it seemed rather doubtful if the tramp could live what did mrs say i asked i do not know how i came to ask such a question and i meant nothing by it george however in a moment as if he suspected me of something unkind mrs did n t like my taking him into the house he said she thought i ought to have sent him off to the poor farm you could hardly do that last night i returned wondering how i could have offended him i am afraid the tramp s looks set her against him she has n t seen him she d gone to bed before i found him last night and this morning he is pretty sick dr says he can t be moved now he s in a high fever and keeps talking all the time it is so very seldom we hear of in october that it is strange to have one appear like this and it is odd he chose george s house to tumble down at as it is a little out of this road have a law of their own however and never do what one would expect of them i hope his illness will not be serious i offered to do what i could but george said they could take care of the man for the present then he hesitated and flushed a little as if confused i am sorry he said it should happen just now for ought not to be troubled when when she is n t well it is a pity and i hope no harm will come of it but if mrs has not seen the tramp and has not been startled i do not see why any should october if i could be superstitious i think i should be now but of course the whole thing is nonsense people are talking in forty eight hours i how gossip does spring and spread as if there were something peculiar about that tramp there is nothing definite to say except that he came to george s house which is a little off from the main street and that in his delirium he keeps calling for some person he says he knows is there and he wiu surely find no matter how she hides the idea of the sick in a delirium is always painful and the talk about this man makes it doubly so i am afraid the fact that mrs s servants do not like her has something to do with the whispers in the air dislike will create suspicion on the slightest excuse and there can be nothing to connect her with this dying tramp what could there be i wish aunt would not repeat such unpleasant things the of a saint october i have been with tom hanging the pictures in the new reading room and everything is ready for the opening when the magazines and the books come next wednesday is the first of the month and then we will have it opened tom has already a list of over twenty men and boys who have joined and lame peter is to be it is delightful to see how proud and pleased he is he can help | 3 |
his mother now and the poor boy was pathetic in the way he spoke of that he only mentioned it but his tone touched me to the quick tom and i had a delightful afternoon hanging pictures arranging the furniture and seeing that everything was right mr and came in just as we finished and the three men were so simple in their interest and so hearty about it that i feel as if everything was going forward in just the right spirit mr saw where a was needed for one of the lamps and said at once he would make one to morrow it was charming to see how pleased he was to find there was something he could furnish and which nobody else at hand could have supplied we are always pleased to find we are not only needed but we are needed in some particular way which marks our personal fitness for the thing to be done daniel brought a big rug that an old woman at the bim had made by his orders he was in good spirits because he had helped the old woman and the reading room at the same time tom was happy because he was at work and in an atmosphere that was friendly and i was happy because i could not help it and so when we locked the room and came home in the early twilight i felt at peace with all the world october tom came in and had a with and when he went he held my hand a moment looking into my face as if to impress me with what he said thank you were the words i think you succeed in making me human again if i am helping him to be reconciled with the world and himself i am more glad than i can tell october the earthquake always finds us unprepared and to night it has come i feel dazed and queer as if life had been shaken to its foundations and as if it were trembling about me george came in suddenly my hand so that i am writing like an old woman if the chief object of keeping a journal is to help myself to be sane and rational i must have better control over my nerves about seven o clock as i sat sewing i heard open the front door to somebody i half expected a as it generally is a in the evening but the door opened and george came rushing in his hurry and his excited manner made me see at once that something unusual had happened his face was pale his eyes wild and somehow his whole air was what is the matter i cried jumping up to meet him he tried to speak but only gave a sort of choking gasp has anything happened i asked him your wife i have n t any wife he interrupted the shock was terrible for i thought at once she the of a saint must be dead and i made some sort of a exclamation then we stared at each other a minute i supposed something had happened to her and that he had from the force of old habit come to me in hope of comfort i never had a wife he went on almost angrily and as if i had disputed him i do not know what we said then or how we said it it was a long time before i could understand and even now it seems like a bad dream somehow he made me understand that the tramp who was sick at their house had kept calling out in his delirium for and declaring he had found her that she need not hide for he would surely find her wherever she hid the servants talked of it and george knew it a day or two ago i do not know whether he suspected anything or not very likely he could hardly tell himself finally one of the girls told mrs and she acted very strangely she wanted to have a description of the man and at last she insisted on going herself to peep at him to see what he was like george happened to come home just at the time mrs had crept up to the door of the shed chamber some exclamation of hers when she saw her husband roused the sick man who sat up in bed and screamed that he knew his wife s voice and he would see her george caught her by the arm pushed the door wide open with his foot and led her into the chamber she held back and cried out and the tramp half wild with delirium sprang out of bed shouting to george take your hands off of my wife george declares that even then he should not have believed the tramp was really speaking the truth if october had n t confirmed it he thought the man was out of his head and the worst of his suspicion was that the stranger had known mrs somewhere as soon as the tramp spoke however she fell down on her knees and caught george s hand crying over and over i thought he was dead i thought he was dead it must have been a fearful thing for both of them and then fainted dead away at george s feet the girl who had been taking care of the tramp was out of the room at the moment but she heard george calling and came in time to take her mistress away while george got the tramp back to bed and soothed him into some sort of quiet then he rushed over here i urged him to go back at once telling him his wife would want him and that it might after all be a mistake i don t want ever to set eyes on her again he declared she s cheated | 3 |
me she told me i was the first man she ever cared for and i never had a hint she d been married she made a fool of me but thank god i m out of that mess what do you mean i asked him you are talking about your wife she isn t my wife i tell you persisted he i never live with her again he must have seen how he shocked me and at last he was persuaded to go home i know i must see him to morrow and i have a cowardly desire to run away i have a hateful feeling of against him but that is something to be overcome at any rate both he and his poor wife need a friend if they ever did and i must do the best i can i cannot wonder george should be deeply hurt by finding that mrs had a husband before the of a saint and did not tell him she can hardly have loved him or she must have been honest with him it may have been through her love and fear of losing him that she did not dare to tell though from what i have seen of her i have n t thought her much given to sentiment how dreadful it must be to live a life resting on concealment i have very likely been in judging her for she must always have been uneasy and of course could not be her true self october some of the truth has flown about the town as i was sure when i saw aunt coming up the walk this sometimes i think she sees written on walls and fences the things which have happened or been said in the houses which they surround she has almost a second sight and if i wished to do anything secret i would not venture to be in the same county with her she seated herself comfortably in a patch of sunshine and looked with the greatest interest at the in bloom on the flower stand by the south window she spoke of the weather and of peter s told me where the sewing circle was to be next week and approached the real object of her call with the deliberation of a cat who is creeping up behind a mouse when she did speak she startled me i suppose you know that tramp over to the died this morning she remarked so carelessly it might have seemed an accident if her eye had not fairly gleamed with eagerness died i echoed yes he s dead she went on he had some sort of excitement yesterday they say and it seems to have been the end of him october she watched me as if to see whether i would give any sign of knowing more of the matter than she did but for once i hope i baffled her penetration i made some ordinary comment which could not have told her much it s very queer a tramp should go to that particular house to die observed aunt as if she were stating an abstract truth in which she had no especial interest i asked what there was especially odd about it well for one thing she answered he asked the way there particularly i inquired how she knew al met him on the road she continued not choosing apparently to answer my question directly and this man wanted to know where a man named lived who d married a woman from the west called something al couldn t remember al said that george was the only in town and that he had married a girl named west then the man said something about that used to be her name it s all pretty queer i think to this i did not respond i would not get into a discussion which would give aunt more material for talk after a moment of silence she said well the man s dead now and i suppose that s the end of him i don t suppose mrs a likely to tell much about him aunt i returned feeling that even if all the traditions of respect for my elders were broken i must speak does n t it seem to you harm might come of talking about this tramp as if he were some mysterious person connected with mrs s life the of a saint before she came to it isn t strange that somebody should have known her and when once a tramp has had help from a person he hangs on she regarded me with a shrewd look yon would n t take up for her that way if you did n t know something she observed after that there was nothing for me to say i simply dropped the subject and refused to talk about the affairs of the at all i am so sorry however that gossip has got hold of a suspicion it was to be expected i suppose and indeed it has been in the air ever since the man came i am sorry for the october after the earthquake a fire i wonder whether after the fire will come the still small voice it is curious that out of all this excitement the feeling of which i am most conscious after my dismay and my pity is one of irritation i am ashamed to find in my thought so much anger against george he had perhaps a right to think as he did about my affection for him though it is inconceivable any gentleman should say the things he said to me last night even if he were crazy enough to suppose i could still love him how could he forget his wife how could he be glad of an excuse to be freed from her how could he forget the little child that is coming oh i am like when | 3 |
he was so sure he did well to be angry i am convinced i can have no just perception of character at all for this george is showing himself so weak so so cruel that he has either been changed or i did not really know him i was utterly deceived in him no i will not believe that we have all of us october in different directions i wish i could remember the passage where says a man has two sides one for the world and one to show a woman when he loves her perhaps one side is as true as the other and what i knew was a possible george i am sure he came in yesterday afternoon with a look of hard determination he greeted me almost and added in the same breath the man is dead she s confessed it all he was her husband and she was never my wife at all she says she thought he was dead then there s only one thing to do i answered you can get mr to marry you to day of course it can be arranged if you tell him how the mistake arose and he won t speak of it he laughed i have n t any intention of marrying her he said no intention of marrying her i repeated not understanding him if the first ceremony wasn t legal another is necessary of course she cheated me he declared his manner becoming more excited do you suppose after that i d have her for my wife besides you don t see she was another man s wife when she came to live with me and i stared at him without speaking and he began to look confused no man wants to marry a woman that s been living with him he out i suppose that is n t a nice thing to say to you but any man would understand i was silent at first in mere amazement and indignation the thing seemed so monstrous so the of a saint so cruel to the woman she had deceived him and hidden the fact that she had been married but there was no justice in this horrible way of looking at it as if her ignorance had been a crime i could hardly believe he realized what he was saying before i could think what to say he went on very likely you think i m hard and perhaps i shouldn t feel so if it hadn t come about through her own fault if she d told me the truth george i burst out you don t know what you are saying you did n t take her as your wife for a week or a month but for all her life she never was my wife he persisted i looked at him with a feeling of despair not i must confess with anger most of all however i wanted to reach him to make him see as they were and i wanted to save the poor woman i leaned forward and laid my fingers on his arm my eyes were but i would not cry but if there were no question of her at all i pleaded you must do what is right for your own sake you have made her and you can t in common honesty give them up she set me free from all that when she lied to me i made to a girl not to another man s wife but she did n t know she thought she was free to marry yon she believed she was honestly your wife she never was she never was he repeated it as if the fact settled everything she was i broke out hotly she was your wife and she is your wife when a man and a october woman honestly love each other and marry without knowing of any reason why they may not i say they are man and wife no matter what the law is suppose the husband had lived he demanded with a hateful smile the law really settles it do you believe that i asked him or do you only wish to believe it he looked at me half angrily and the blood sprang into his cheeks then he took a step forward she came between us he said lowering his voice but speaking with a new i felt as if he had struck me and i shrank back then i straightened up and looked him in the eye you don t dare to say that aloud i retorted you left me of your own accord you insult me to come here and say such a thing and i will not hear it if you mean to talk in that strain you may leave the house he was naturally a good deal taken by this and perhaps i should not yes i should i am glad i did say it he stammered something about begging my pardon let that go interrupted i feeling as if i had endured about all that i could hear the question is whether you are not going to be just to your wife you fight mighty well for her responded george but if you knew how she never mind i broke in can t you see i am fighting for you i am trying to make you see you owe it to yourself to be right in this and moreover you owe it to me to you he asked with a touch in his voice which should have warned me but did not i was so wrapped up in my own view of the situation the of a saint yes to me i am your oldest friend don t you see and you owe it to me not to fail now he sprang forward holding out both his hands he cried out what s the | 3 |
use of all this talk you know it s you i love and you i mean to marry i know now how a man feels when he strikes another full in the face for insulting him i felt myself growing hot and then cold again and i was literally speechless from indignation i went crazy a while for a fool with a pretty face he went rushing on but all that she is your wife george i i broke in how dare you talk so to me he was evidently astonished but he persisted we ought to be honest with each other now he said there s too much at stake for us to beat about the bush i know i ve behaved like a fool and a brute i ve hurt you and and cheated you and you ve had every reason to throw me over like a sick dog but when you made up the money i d lost and did n t let mr suspect i knew you cared for me just the same cared for you i blazed out do you think i could have ruined any man s life for that i love you no more than i love any other man with a wife of his own that s just it he broke in eagerly of course i knew you could n t own you cared while she the of it the vulgarity of it made me frantic i was ashamed of myself i was ashamed of him and i felt as if nothing would make him see the truth never in my whole life have i spoken to any human october being as i did to him i felt like a raging but he would not see stop i cried out if you had never had a wife i could n t care for you i thought i loved you and perhaps i did but au that is over and over for ever you ve said you d love me always he retorted some outer of courtesy seemed to have cracked and fallen from him and to have left an ugly and vulgar nature ha fe the pathos of it came over me the pity that a man should be capable of so exposing his self struck me in the midst of all my indignation i could not help a feeling moreover that he had somehow a right to reproach me with having changed thinking of it now in cooler blood i cannot see that since he has left me to marry another woman he has any ground for me but somehow at the moment i felt guilty george i answered i thought i was telling the truth i did n t understand myself the change in his face showed me that this way of putting it had done more to convince him than any direct denial his whole altered you don t mean he pleaded you ve stopped caring for me i could only tell him that certainly i had stopped caring for him in the old way and i begged him to go back to his wife he said little more and i was at last released from this horrible scene all night i thought of it miserably or i dreamed of it more miserably still that poor woman what can i do for her i hope i have not lost the power of george for i might use it to help her xi november how odd are the turns that fate plays us sometimes it seems as if an unseen power were amusing himself the threads of human lives just as peter has been up my for pure fun only a power mighty enough to be able to do this must be too great to be so heartless i suppose too that the pity of things is often more in the way in which we look at them than it is in the turn which fate or fortune has given to affairs the point of view changes so all this is commonplace of course but it is certainly curious that george s wife should be in my house almost turned out of her husband s when i found her on the steps the other night wet with the rain afraid to ring afraid of me and terrified at what had come upon her i had no time to think of the strange of events which had brought this about she had left george s house she said because she was afraid of him and because he had said she was to go as soon as she was able he had called her a horrible name she added and he had told her he was done with her that she must in the future take care of herself and not expect to live with him i know after seeing the cruel self george showed the other day that he could be terrible and he would have less restraint with his wife than with me in the evening november as soon as it was really dark in the midst of the storm she came to me she said she knew how i must hate her that she had said horrid things about me but she had nowhere else to go and she implored i would take her in she is asleep now in the south chamber she is ill and i cannot tell what the effects of her exposure will be dr looks grave but he does not say what he thinks what i ought to do is the question she has been here two days and her husband must have found out by this time what i suppose everybody in town knows where she is i cannot fold my hands and let things go i must send for george much as i shrink from seeing him how can i run the risk of having another scene like | 3 |
the one on friday and yet i must do something she can do nothing for herself it should be a man to talk with george but i cannot ask tom he and george do not like each other and he could not persuade george to do right to perhaps might effect something november after all my difficulty in persuading to interfere his efforts have come to nothing george was rude to him and told him to mind his own affairs i suppose dear old daniel had not much tact i told him he ought to be ashamed of himself the said indignantly and that he was a disgrace to the town but it did n t seem to move him any i hope he treated you well i answered i am sorry i persuaded you to go he was plain enough daniel responded grimly he did n t words any to speak of the of a saint i must see him myself i wish i dared consult tom but it could not do any good i must work it out alone but what can i say november fortunately i did not have to send for george he appeared this afternoon on a singular errand he wanted to pay me board for his wife until she was well enough to go away i assured him he need not be troubled about board because i was glad to do what i could for his wife and i could not help adding that i did not keep a lodging house i m willing to be as kind to her while she s here as i can he assured me awkwardly and of course i shall not let her go away empty handed she is not likely to i retorted feeling my cheeks get hot dr says she cannot be moved until after the baby comes he flushed in his turn and looked out of the window i don t think was his reply we can discuss that it is n t a pleasant subject there are women i know who can meet obstinacy with i begin to how it may be a woman will stoop to flatter and seem to yield simply through despair of carrying her end by any other means the hardness of this man almost bred in me a purpose to try and soften him to try to him somehow to fool and him for his own good to hide how i raged inwardly at his injustice and cruelty and to pretend to be until i had accomplished my end i cannot lie however even in acts and all that sort of thing is beyond my power as well as my will i realized how hopeless it was for me to try to do anything with him and i rose x november very likely you are right i said it is evidently useless for us to discuss anything now i can only say good by but i forbid you to come into my house again until you bring mr with you to you to he had risen also and we stood face to face do you suppose he asked now i am free i d consent to marry any woman but you i make you marry me yet for i know perfectly well you love me think how long we were engaged i remembered the question he asked me when he came back from after he had seen her how long have we been engaged i shall keep your wife was all i said until she is well and chooses to go george i beg of you not to let her baby be born a hateful look came into his eyes i thought you were fond of babies he sneered go i said hardly myself and don t come here again without mr if i bring him it will be to marry you something in me rose up and spoke without my i did not know what i was saying until the words were half said i crossed the room and rang the bell for and as i did it i said i see i must have a husband to protect me from your and i will marry tom before he could answer appeared i said and all my calmness had come back will you show mr to the door i am not at home to him again until he comes with mr the op a saint she restrained her surprise and amusement better than i expected but before she had had time to do more than toss her head george had rushed away without ceremony by this time i suppose every man woman and child in town knows that i have turned him out of my house november and after the fire a still small voice i have been saying this over and over to myself and remembering not that god was in the voice i have had a talk with tom which ha moved me more than all the trouble with george the very fact that george so outraged all my feelings and made me so angry kept me from being touched as i might have been otherwise but this explanation with tom has left me shaken and tired out it is emotion and not physical work that wears humanity to tom came to discuss the reading room he is delighted that it has started so well and is going on so and he is full of plans for increasing the interest i was i confess so with what i had made up my mind to say to him i could hardly follow what he was saying i felt as if something were grasping me by the throat he looked at me strangely but he went on talking as if he did not notice my uneasiness tom i broke out at last when i could endure it no longer did you know that mrs is here | 3 |
commanded me too in a way he has done what i wished and what i thought best but i have always known he could be influenced only so far and that if i wanted what he did not believe in he could be as as a rock the hardness of his mother shows itself in him as the foundation for the gentleness he gets from his father miss came in for a moment to day and by instinct she knew that something had made me happy she was full of sympathy for a moment and then i think some suspicion came into her dear old head which she would not have there my dear she said in her rough way you look too cheerful f the head of a asylum and a house of refuge i hope you ve made george promise to marry his own wife though if i made the laws it would n t be necessary for a man to marry a woman more than once i ve no idea of that have to come round once in so often like house cleaning she was watching me so keenly as she spoke that i smiled in spite of myself no i told her i have n t been able to make him but tom has undertaken to bring him round so i believe it will be all right whether she understood or not i cannot tell but from the loving way in which she leaned over and kissed me i suspect she had some of it november november they are married just after dusk to night i heard the and came in with a queer look on her face to say that mr and mr were in the hall i went out to them at once and tried to act as if everything had been arranged between us george was pale and stem he would not look at me and i did not exchange a word directly with him while he was in the house except to say good evening and good by i kept them waiting just a moment or two while i prepared and then i called them upstairs she behaved very well acting as if she were a little frightened but accepting everything without a word i suspect she is too ill really to care for anything very much the ceremony was over quickly and then george went away without noticing his wife further except to say good night tom came in for a moment later to see that everything was well and of course i asked him how he had brought george to consent he smiled rather grimly i did it simply enough he said i tried easy words first and appealed to him as a gentleman though of course i knew it was no use if such a plea would have done any good i should n t have been there then i said he would n t be in if he did n t make it right for his wife he said he guessed he could fix that and if other people would mind their own business he could attend to his then i opened the door and called in i had him waiting outside because i knew would understand he meant business i asked him to say what we d agreed and he told that if he didn t marry the woman before midnight we d have him ridden out of town on a rail he weakened at that he knew we d do it the of a saint i could not say anything to this it was a man s way of treating the situation and it accomplished its end but it did affect me a good deal i shivered at the very idea of a mob and of what might have happened if george had not yielded tom saw how i felt i suppose you think i m a brute he said but i knew he d give in he is n t very i always knew that he hurried away to go to the reading room where he had to see to something or other and we said nothing about our personal relations i wonder if i fancied that j ie watched me very closely to see how i took his account or if he really thought i might resent his having george he need not have feared i was troubled by the idea of the mob but i was proud of tom and i could not help his clear straightforward look with the way george avoided my eyes november now there are two babies in the house and cousin might think her that i would set up an orphan asylum was coming true in earnest in spite of mrs s exposure everything is going well and we hope or the best i sent george a note last night to tell him and he came over for a minute he behaved very well he had none of the which has made him so different and so dreadful and he was more like his old self he was let into his wife s chamber just long enough to kiss her but that was all i suppose to be the father of a son must sober any man november tom never comes any more to see november me or baby when i discovered i cared for him i felt that of course everything was at last straightened out and here is tom who only knows that he cares for me so the case is about as it was before except that now he will never speak i must do something but what can i do when i thought only of getting out of the way of george s marriage it was bad enough to speak to tom and now it seems impossible i can t i can t i can t speak to him again november cousin | 3 |
and her arrived this time together for the boy who drove her from the station brought the message and gave it to her to bring into the house she was full of indignation and amazement at what she found and insisted upon going back to boston by the afternoon train i never know what you will do she said so of course i ought not to be surprised but of all the wild notions you could take into your head i must say to have mrs come here to have her baby is the most incredible you advised me to have more babies as long as i had one i interposed i ve a great mind to shake you was her response this is a pretty reception when i have n t seen you since i came home to think i should be cousin to a hospital and that all the family i have left i suggested that if i really did set up a hospital she would soon have as large a family as anybody could want and she briskly retorted that she had more than she wanted now she had come down to persuade me to go to boston for the winter to the of a saint make up she said for my not going abroad with her and she brought me a wonderful piece of embroidered for a party dress she was as and emphatic as ever and she me and my doings in good round terms i suppose if you did come to boston she said you d be mixed up in all the dreadful there and i should never see you but you know cousin i protested you belong to two or three charitable societies yourself but those are parish societies was her reply that is quite different of course i do my part in whatever the church is concerned in but you just do things on your own hook and without even believing anything i think it s wicked myself i could only laugh at her and it was easy to see that her indignation was not with any charitable work i did but only with the fact i would not promise to leave everything and go home with her before she went home i told her i had a confession to make she commented not very that she supposed it was something worse than anything had come yet but that as she was prepared for anything i might as well get it out if you ve decided to be some sort of a wife to that horrid mr she added i should n t be in the least surprised perhaps you take him in with the rest of his family i said i did indeed think of being married but not to him let me know the worst at once she broke out rather fiercely at my age i can t stand suspense as i could once what tramp or beggar or november h have you picked out i know you too m m well to suppose it s anybody respectable when i named tom she at first pretended not to know him although she has seen him a dozen times in her visits here and once condescended to say that d for a he was really almost handsome ie i know it s the same name as that baby s father s she ended her voice getting and but of i course no respectable woman would think of marrying r him then i m not a respectable woman i retorted feeling the blood rise into my face for i m thinking of it we looked for a moment into each other s eyes and i felt however i appeared as if i were anything she could say so he has taken advantage of your his baby has he she brought out at last i responded that he did not even suspect i meant to marry him she stared and demanded how he was to find out i answered that i could think of no way except for me to tell him she threw up her hands in pretended horror i dare say she burst out he only got you to take the baby so that you d feel bound to him i should think when he d disgraced himself you might have self respect enough to let him alone oh what would cousin say then she saw she was really me and her eyes softened somewhat i shan t congratulate you if that s what you expect but since you will be a fool in your own obstinate way i hope it u make you happy i took both her hands in mine the of a saint cousin i pleaded don t be hard on me i know he s done wrong and it hurts me more than i can tell you i am so sorry for him and i really really love him i m all alone now except for baby and i am sure if father were alive he would see how i feel and approve of what i mean to do the tears came into her eyes as i had never seen them she drew her hands away but first she pressed mine she said never mind my tongue if you ve only baby i ve nobody but you and you won t come near me besides you are going to have him i can t pretend i like it but i do like you and i do dearly hope you ll be happy you deserve to be my dear and i m a selfish worldly old woman with a train to catch now don t say another word about it or i you in my will so we kissed each other and she went away with my secret november has come home for her and i never saw a creature so transformed she is so interested in her | 3 |
school her studies her companions that she seems to have forgotten that anybody ever frightened her about her soul and she is just a merry happy girl bright eyed and rather high strung but not in the least morbid she me and kissed and the nonsense of her jealousy as of her having committed the sin was forgotten entirely it is an unspeakable comfort to me that the experiment of sending her away has turned out so well miss came in while was here and watched her with shrewd keen eyes as she rattled on november about the things she is studying the games she plays and the friends she has made when she had gone miss looked at me with one of her friendly regards she s made over like the boy s that had a new blade and a new handle was her comment i think my dear you ve saved her soul alive i was delighted that she thought so much improved though of course i realized i had not i done it i november i have invited george to dinner i do hope will be able to come downstairs if she is not i shall have to get through as best i can without her miss will come and that will prevent the awkwardness of our being by ourselves george comes every day to see his wife and i think his real feelings his better side have been called out by her illness she is the mother of his son and she is so extremely pretty and pathetic as she lies there that i should not think any man could resist her she is so softened by what she has gone through and so grateful for kindness she seems a different person from the over dressed woman we have known without liking very much she told me yesterday a good deal about her former life she has been an orphan from her early largely dependent upon an aunt who wanted to be rid of her it was partly by the contrivance of her aunt and partly because she longed to escape from a position of dependence that she married her first husband she did not stop i think to consider what she was doing and she found her case a pretty the of a saint hard one her husband abused her and before they had been married a year he ran away to escape a charge of word was sent to her soon after that he was drowned she took again maiden name and came east to escape all shadow of the disgrace of her married life she earned her living as a until she saw george at where she was employed in the bank she confessed that she came here to secure him and she wept in begging my pardon for taking him away from me if she can keep to her resolutions and if george will only be still fond of her things may yet go well with them aunt observed yesterday that what has happened will be likely to prevent mrs for a long time to come from trying to make a display and so it may be the best thing that could have befallen her so much depends upon george though i november the dinner went off much better than i could have hoped dr allowed to leave her room for the first time and george brought her down to dinner in his arms she was given only a quarter of an hour but this served for the topic of talk and george was so tender with his wife that miss was quite warmed to him the two babies of course had to be produced but it was rather painful to see how thin and the little baby looked beside my has grown really to know me she will come like a little across the floor toward me if i appear in the nursery and november axe both jealous of me and i triumph over them in a fashion little less than i am glad is over for in spite of all any of us might do to seem perfectly at ease some sense of and was always in the background on the whole however we did very well and miss sat with me far into the twilight talking of mother december december i dreamed last night a dream which affected me so strongly that i can hardly write of it without shivering i dreamed that george came with mr to as i thought when we all stood by the side of her bed however george seized my hand and announced that he had come to marry me and was resolved to have no other wife fell back on her pillow in a faint i struggled to pull away the hand george had taken but i was powerless i tried to scream but that horrible which sometimes affects us in dreams left me speechless i felt myself helpless while mr went on marrying me to george before the eyes of his own wife in spite of anything i could do to prevent it the determination to be free of this bond struggled in me so strongly against the helplessness which held me that i sprang up in bed at last awake and bursting into hysterical crying the strange thing about it all is that i seem to have broken more than the sleep of the body it is as if all these years i had been in a in my mind and had suddenly sprung up awake i am as aghast at myself as if i should discover i had unconsciously been walking in the dark on the edge of a ghastly precipice yes a precipice on the edge of a valley full of my veiy december flesh at the thought that i could by any possibility be made the wife of any man but tom i look back to day | 3 |
over the long years i was engaged and understand all in a flash how completely george spoke the truth when he used to complain i was an and did not know what it was to be in love he was absolutely right and he was right to leave me i can only wonder that through those years when i endured his bodily presence because i thought i loved his mental being he could endure me at all he could not have borne it i see now if he had been really in love with me himself i am wise with a strange new wisdom but whence it comes or why it has opened to me in a single night from a painful dream is more than i can say i understand that george never loved me any more than i did him he will go back to indeed i do not believe he has ever ceased to be fond of her even when he declared he was tired of her and wanted me to take him back he was angry with her and no human being understands himself when he is angry last night after i i could not reason about things much i was too panic stricken i lay there in the dark actually trembling from the horror of my dream and realized that from my very childhood tom has stood between me and every other man now at last i who have been all these years in a dull am awake i might almost say without being in the least extravagant that i am alive who was dead i who have thought of love and marriage as i might have thought about a trip abroad know what love means my foolish dream has changed me like a vision which changes a mere man into a prophet or a i cannot bear that tom should go on i must somehow let him know the of a saint december fortune was kind to me this morning and tom knows i bad to go to take some flannel to old and as i crossed tbe foot bridge tom came out of daniel s mill he flushed a little when he saw me and half hesitated as if he were almost inclined to turn back i did not mean to let him escape however ana stood still waiting for him we shook hands and i at once told him i had wanted to see him so that if he were not in a hurry i should be glad if he would walk on with me he assented not very willingly i thought and we went on over the bridge together the sun was shining until the snow edges like live coals and everywhere one looked the air fairly with light the tide was coming up in the river and the cakes of ice in patches by the salt water until they were like were driven against the long and pushing like sheep frightened into a comer the themselves and every or rock that showed above the water were as white as snow could make them it was one of those days when the air is a so that every breath is a joy and as tom and i walked on together i could have laughed aloud just for joy of the beautiful winter day how cold the water looks tom said turning his face away from me and toward the bim it is fairly black with cold even the ice cakes seem to be trying to climb out of it i returned laughing from nothing but pure delight i suppose that is the way you feel about me tom you have n t been near or me for ten days and you know you wanted to get away from me this morning s r he did not answer for a minute then he said in a strained voice it s no use i shall have to go away i can t stand it here it was bad enough before but now i simply cannot bear it you mean i returned full of fun and mischief that the idea of my offering myself to you was too horrible you had a chance to refuse tom and you took it i should think i was the one to feel as if it was n t to be borne he stopped in the street and turned to face me don t he protested in a voice which went straight to my heart if you knew how it hurts me you would n t joke about it i wanted to put my arms about his neck and kiss him as i used to do when we were babies but that was not to be thought of at least not in the street in plain sight of the blacksmith shop it is n t any joke said i just walk along so the whole town need not talk about us please he walked on and i tried to think of a sentence which would tell him that i really cared for him yet which i could say to him there in the open day with the sun making a peeping eye of every icy crystal on fence or tree well he cried after a moment o tom i asked in despair why don t you help me i can t say it i can t tell you i i did not dare to look at him and i came to a stop in my speech because i could feel that he was pressing eagerly to my side you what he demanded his voice quivering be careful perhaps his agitation helped me to master mine the of a saint certain it is for the moment i only that he must not be kept in suspense and so i burst out abruptly tom you are horrid i i ve offered myself to you once and | 3 |
ture the problem few earnest of literature have escaped those black moments when it seems perfectly evident that the one thing sure in connection with the whole business is that literature cannot be taught if they are of sensitive conscience they are likely to have wondered at times whether it is honest to go on pretending to give instruction in a branch in which instruction was so obviously the more they consider the more evident it is that if a pupil really anything in literature aa distinguished from learning about literature he does it himself and they cannot fail to see that as an art literature necessarily of the nature of all art the quality of being and j in any language except its own the root of whatever exists in the of modern courses of training which have to do with literature is just this fact any art as has been said often and often exists simply and solely because it and what can be expressed in no i talks on teaching literature other form a picture or a melody a statue or a poem gives delight and inspiration by which could belong to nothing to painting or or e is at best to talk about these words cannot express wliat the work or art expresses or the work itself would be superfluous and the teacher of literature la s therefore apparently confronted with the task of to impart what language itself cannot so stated the proposition seems self contradictory and absurd indeed it too often happens that in actual practice it is so teachers weary their very souls in necessarily fruitless to achieve the impossible and fail in their work because they have not clearly apprehended what they could effect and what they should endeavor to effect in any instruction it is of great importance to recognize natural and and nowhere is this more true than in any teaching which has to do with the fine arts in other branches failure to perceive the natural of the subject limits the of the teacher in the arts it not only utterly all work hut it gives students a wrong conception of the very nature of that with which they are dealing in most studies the teacher has to do chiefly with the understanding or to put it more exactly with the intellect of the pupil in dealing with literature he reckon constantly with the also if he arouse the feelings and the problem the of his students he does not succeed in his work not only is this difficult in itself but it calls for aa condition in the which is not easily with the mood required by teaching a condition moreover which a to results much more keen than any disappointment likely to be excited by failure to carry a class triumphantly through a lesson in or history this constantly brings and this in to renewed failure in work which s requires the happiest mood on the part of the teacher and tho play of the imagination the consciousness of any lack of success the a the teacher who is able by sheer force of determination to manage the of a dull a class may fail in the attempt to make the same force carry him through an exercise in it is true that no teaching is unless the interest as well as the attention of the pupils is but whereas in other branches this is a condition in the case of literature it is a prime essential the teaching of literature moreover ia less than useless if it is not as distinguished from it is greatly to be regretted that necessity the holding of at all in a subject of which the worth is to be measured strictly by the extent to which it the imagination and the talks on teaching literature ter of the student any system of is likely to be at best a made inevitable by existing conditions and it is rendered tolerable only where teachers often at the expense imder present school methods of a stress of body and of soul to be appreciated only by those who have taught are able to mingle a certain amount of education with the grinding of routine examination papers hardly touch and can hardly show the results of literary training which are the only excuse for the presence of this branch in the school every faithful who is trying to do is best for the children while the of the official powers above him is face to face with the fact that the returns of and do not in the least represent his best or most laboriously achieved success under these conditions it is not strange that so many teachers are at a loss to know what they are expected to do or what they should attempt to do if the teachers in the secondary schools of this country were brought together into some palace of truth where absolute honesty was forced upon them it would be interesting and perhaps to find how few could confidently assert that ji they have clear and logical ideas in regard to the teaching of literature they would all be able to say that they dealt with certain books because such work is a prominent part of the school and many would unless restrained by the problem the truth compelling power of their add vague phrases about the minds of the a pitiful number would be forced to confess that they had no clear conception of what they were to do beyond up the memories of the young folk with certain dead information about books to be at the next and there left too often broad f the mind of the young is simple it out by the dead weight of lifeless and worthless this uncertainty in regard to what are to do and how tliey are to do it is constantly evident in the | 3 |
complaints and inquiries of teachers how would you teach one asked me do you think the sources of the plot should be thoroughly mastered another wrote me that she had always tried to make the moral lesson of as clear and strong as possible but that one of her boys had her attention to the fact that no question on such a matter had ever appeared in the college entrance examination papers and that she did not know what to do a third said frankly that she could never see what there was in literature to teach so she just took the questions suggested by a text book and confined her attention to them if these seem extreme cases it is chiefly because they are put into words certainly the number of who are in the position of the third teacher is by no means small talks on literature even the of school are sometimes found to be no more enlightened than those they profess to aid and not seem more anxious to have the appearance of doing a piece of work than one fitted for actual use the devices they recommend for fixing the attention and the darkness of children in literary study are numerous but not they are either ludicrous or pathetic a striking example is that futile method the use of the attempt to represent the poetry the pathos the passion of the merchant of or and by a a proposition in seems to me not only the height of absurdity but not a little profane have examined these of lines and circles with more bewilderment than comprehension i confess generally with irritation and always with the profound conviction that they could hardly be surpassed as a means of producing confusion worse confounded in the mind of any child whatever other schemes are only less wild and while excellent and text books are not wanting not a few show evidence that the writers were as little sure of what they were trying to effect or of how it were best effected as the most bewildered teacher who might come to em for instruction in literature as it exists to day in the common of this country is almost al the problem ways and conscientious but it is by no i means always intelligent tlie teachers who resort to are sincerely earnest and no less faithful arc those who at the expense of most labor are dragging classes through the of questions suggested by the least desirable of school of college they dose their pupils with notes as mrs the poor wretches at hall with and the result is much the same in both cases oh mrs they have and partly if had n t or other in the of medicine they d be always giving a world of trouble and partly it spoils their and cheaper than breakfast and dinner certainly any child no matter how great his al appetite for literature must find tie desire greatly diminished after a dose of text book notes the difficulties of teachers in handling this branch of instruction have been increased by the system under which work must be carried on the problem of children in masses has yet to be solved and it is at doubtful if it can be worked out successfully without a y substantial of the now insisted upon certainly it is hardly conceivable that with the as crowded as it is at present any teacher could do much in the common schools with the teaching of literature talks on literature the who have fixed the college entrance moreover seem to have acted largely along conventional lines in the third place the spirit of the time is out of sympathy with art and the variety and of outside calls on the attention and interest of the children make demands so great as to leave the mind dull to finer impressions to the boy eager over the and the race he is to see when school is out au inspired teacher may talk in about dr lady or any other of the ears accustomed to the measures of the modem street song are not easily hy the music of milton and yet the teacher of to day is expected to persuade his flock that they should prefer l to the vulgar but rag time comic songs of museum and alley under circumstances so adverse it is not to be at that teachers are not only discouraged but often bewildered what happens in many cases is sufficiently well shown hy this extract from a composition in which the writer frankly gives an account of his training in english literature in a high school not twenty five miles from boston very special attention was paid to the instruction of the us to what tbe require as closely as possible the faculty mine the scope of the the class is in that work especially examination papers are procured for the problem fl years back and are given to the as regular high school os ami nations and as of the kind of to be expected the notice that are often repeated ia papers warn the of them and even go so far as to estimate when the question will be used again i have d in the this question was given three years ago and it is about due again tbey ask it three or four years boy wrote in the set of that he taken the examination ia the autumn and added on the june i noticed that there was nothing about milton so i studied milton with heart and soul here we find stated plainly what everybody connected with teaching knows to be common and indeed what under the present system ia almost inevitable i know of many of no standing where in all branches old ex am papers if not used as the text books are at least the actual guide to all work done | 3 |
in the i last year of fitting for college this is perhaps only human and it is easy to understand but it certainly is not education and of that fact both students and teachers are entirely well aware all this i say with no intention of anybody for what is the of difficult conditions it is not well however to what ia perfectly well known and what is one of the important difficulties of the situation talks on literature the problem then which the teacher in the secondary school is he has to decide in the first place what the teaching of literature can and should accomplish and in the second by what means this may most surely and be done in a word although work in this line has been going on and for years we are yet far from sufficiently definite ideas why and how literature should be taught to children n coin the of literature in tlie list of common school studies however the original intent may have been lost sight of vas undoubtedly made in the interest of it is not certain that those who put it in had definite of methods or results but unquestionably their idea was to aid the development of the children s minds by helping them to appreciate and to thoughts of nobility and of beauty and by a love for literature which should lead them to go on acquiring these from the how clear and well defined in the minds of this idea was it is needless to inquire it is enough that it was undoubtedly sincere and that it was founded on a genuine faith in the and influence of art the importance of literature as a means of i mental development used to be taken for granted our fathers and had for the a reverence which the rising generation looks bade to ae a phase of superstition hardly more reasonable than the worship of sacred wells or a belief in so much stress is now laid talks on teaching literature upon the and the material ab the only genuine that everything less obvious is the tendency is to take only direct results into consideration and influences which serve rather to character than to aid in are at best looked upon with that sense of mankind however which depends upon the perception of the few and which in the long run forms the opinion of society in spite of f everything holds still to the importance of in any intelligent scheme of education the popular makes difficult the work of the teacher but the force of the conviction of the wise keeps this branch in the the sincere teacher therefore naturally tries to effects and to discern possibilities in order to discover upon what the belief in the value of the study of literature properly rests the most obvious reasons for the study of may be quickly d of it is well for a c student to be reasonably familiar with the history of literature with the names and periods of great writers this adds to his chances of appearing to advantage in the world and especially in that portion of society where he can least afford to be at a disadvantage he is provided with about and authors as much to protect him from the ill effects of appearing ignorant as for any direct influence this knowledge will have on his mind whatever the tendency of the times to the conditions is in daily life acquaintance with tbe more refined side of knowledge the fact remains that to betray ignorance in these lines may bring real harm to a person s social standing every one that among educated people a lad is better able to make his way if he does not confound the age of shakespeare with that of and if he is able to distinguish between and such information may not be specially vital but it ia worth possessing considerations of this sort however are evidently not of weight enough to account for the place of the study in the schools and still less to excuse the of time and attention bestowed upon it the same line of reasoning would defend the introduction of dancing because move who learned to dance more important and more far reaching reasons must be found to satisfy the teacher and to him for the severe labor of working with class after class in the effort not always successful of interest and enthusiasm over tbe writings which go by the name of english some of these i may briefly to deal with them would take a book in itself and would leave no room for the consideration of methods a careful and intelligent study of of prose or verse the teacher soon must talks on teaching literature develop greatly the student s sense of the value of words is not the highest function of this work but it is by no means one to be literary affords opportunities for training of this sort which are not to be found elsewhere and a to word is with a child the beginning of wisdom children too often acquire and follow the habit of a words instead of ideas a gen appreciation of the worth of language is after x all the chief outward sign of the distinction be the man the ne is content to receive speech as sterling coin and the other that words are but if students could but appreciate the difference between and what they are taught between learning words and ideas the intellectual would be at hand children need to that the sentence is after all only the envelope only the vehicle for the thought everybody to this but practically the fact is generally ignored the child is father to the man in nothing else more surely than in the trait of accepting in perfect good faith empty words as complete and satisfactory in themselves | 3 |
tlie habit of being content with phrases once bred into a child can be by nothing t of severe intellectual to say that words are received as sufficient in themselves and not as conveying ideas like a but there are few of us who may not at the conditions once make a personal application and find an illustration in the common phrases and of our life perhaps none of us are free from the fault of empty phrases for vital rules of conduct the moat simple and the tremendous facts of human life are often known only as lifeless statements rather than realized as truths with children the language of text book or is so likely to be repeated hy and remembered mechanically that constant vigilance on the part of the teacher can hardly overcome the evil force the boy who on the entrance paper writes that milton is the poet of to try to define even to himself what the statement means and the result is confusion he meant nothing he had the words but they had never conveyed to him a thought e should be the servant of the mind but never was servant that so constantly and so the place of master children must be taught and taught not simply by but by experience to realize that the value of the word lies solely in its as a v vehicle of thought they must learn to appreciate as well as to know mechanically that language is to be estimated by its effect in communicating the idea and that to be satisfied with words for themselves ia obvious folly for this fact literature is especially valuable it is hardly possible iu even the most work on a play of talks on teaching literature shakespeare for instance for the reader to fail to perceive how the idea through the word how wide is the difference between the mere apprehension of the language and the comprehension of the poet s meaning in the study of great po the impossibility of resting satisfied with anything of the ideas is so strongly brought out that it cannot be ed or forgotten and in this way pupils are impressed with the value of words this to the value of words in general is closely coupled with an appreciation of the force of words in particular of what may be called word the power of that a word is merely a messenger bringing an idea is naturally connected with tlie ability to distinguish with the nature and the value of the thought which the messenger presents to feel the need of knowing clearly and surely the thought expressed inevitably leads to precision and delicacy in the significance and force of language when once a child the difference between the accepting of what he reads vaguely or mechanically and the getting from it its full meaning he is eager to have it all he finds delight in the intellectual exercise of searching out each hidden suggestion and in the sense of possession which belongs to the thought of the master it is to be expected that our pupils shall be able to receive in its full richness the deepest thought of the poets but they none the less find delight in possessing it to the extent the conditions it of their abilities the point is too obvious to need but every will recognize its importance obvious as is this importance of the sense of t e value of words and a to word it is not overlooked teachers see the need of a knowledge of the meaning of terms and phrases in a particular without stopping to think of the prime value of the principle involved or indeed that a general principle is involved at all still more often they fail to perceive all that follows in exact vital of the full force of language lies the secret of sharing the wisdom of the ages if students can be trained to penetrate through the word of the printed page to the thought they are brought into communication with the master minds of the race it is not learning to read in the common of the term that opens for the yoimg the thought of the race but learning to read in tbe higher and deeper sense of receiving the word only aa a symbol behind and beyond which tbe thought lies concealed from the ordinary and superficial reader of all is it the business of the young to learn about life whatever does not tend directly or indirectly to make the child better acquainted with the world he has come into with how he must and how he should bear himself under its complex conditions is of small as far aa education goes of for conduct he is given plenty as talks on teaching literature to matters of morality and of religion moral laws and religious are good and could they accomplish all that is sometimes expected of them life would quickly be a different matter and teachers would find themselves living in an earthly paradise unhappily these effect in actual life far less than is to be desired not the who has been stuffed with moral as a doll with shows in his conduct no regard for them other than a fine zeal in them children are seldom much affected by explicit directions in regard to conduct they must be reached by and they are by what they recognize as wise views of life than by those which they receive the more just these ideas of themselves and of the world are the greater is the chance that they will develop a character well balanced and well adjusted to the conditions of human life children live in a world largely made up of of and of dreams a world full of they must depend largely upon appearances and constantly confound what with what really is they learn but slowly however to shape their | 3 |
of my observation upon whom had been an abundance and perhaps even a of moral astonished and dis the conditions his mother by with delightful that he had at been reading the little merchant in miss s parents assistant and that from it he had learned how mean and foolish it is to lie but my dear boy the mother cried in dismay i re been telling you that ever since you were bom oh well responded the lad with the unconsciously brutal frankness of his years but that never interested me the obvious moral teaching that had made no impression when offered as a bare had been effective to him when presented as an appeal to his feeling through imaginative literature abstract truths are made to have for the child a reality b given to by the experiences of daily life only by the of degrees children rarely except m matters of personal feeling and in the re of general a child easily receives the fact of the moment for a truth of all time if he is miserable for instance he is very apt to feel that he must always be in that condition but this is in no real sense a it is more than half self deception any child however who has been thrilled by a single line of imaginative poetry has even if unconsciously come into direct touch with a wide and universal truth especially and essentially is this to be said of truth which has to do with human feeling the truth of the emotions the man or the talks on literature woman into whom the school boy or girl ia to grow will in life be guided chiefly by the feelings the ordinary mortal lives well or ill or nobly or vividly is practically by what he feels however much the convictions have to do in ordering conduct feeling has more and conviction itself is with most mortals bound up with the emotions the highest office of education is to develop tho emotions highly and nobly and it is no less essential to the intellectual than to the moral well being of the child that he be bred to feel as deeply and as as possible every teacher knows that in dealing with children the ultimate appeal is to their feelings if a crisis arises in school life it is to the emotions that the matter is inevitably referred whether the likes this or not and whether the appeal is made openly or is and teaching must deal with the ments as well as with the understanding that no i other means of training and properly developing the feelings of youth is so efficient as literature seems to me a proposition too evident to need further comment enthusiasm is so closely connected with the cultivation and training of the emotions that it is not easy to draw a line them while there is certainly no need to here upon the worth of enthusiasm in education or in life or upon literature as a means of it it is worth while to the extent to which the mind of the conditions youth may be affected by enthusiasm the effects are na often so or as not to be easily measured but often too they are direct and practical some years ago in a country school in eastern was still the old time a which we elders remember with mixed feelings the law of education in those days when children were still expected to do things which were out for them and to follow a course of study whether it chanced to please their individual fancy or not enforced the of everything in the even to sundry weird processes with queer names such as alternate and the the teacher of this particular school a morsel of new england womanhood not much bigger than a set herself resolutely to carry through the a class of farmer lads better at the than in what happened she told me twenty five years ago and i am still able to up the vision of the air a i of defiance half of amusement with which she said the boys were in a perfectly hopeless i had explained and explained i wished could either cry like a woman or be a man and swear the third day had an inspiration in the very middle of the i told them to shut n i their books and i cleaned every mark of the lesson of the then without a of explanation i began to tell them a httle about the sir walter talks on teaching literature wrote about tlie revenge and then i began to s ballad which was new then i was wrought up to the very top anyway and i gave that ballad for all there was in me they were a and then they pricked up their ears their eyes began to shine and i had them we kindled each other and by the time i got through the tears were running down my cheeks for simple excitement when i got to the end you could just feel the hush then i told them to go and ball for ten minutes and then to come in and conquer that lesson they were great rough farmer boys you understand but the moment they were outside they gave a cheer just to express things they could n t have put into words when they came m they were alive to the ends of their fingers and we went over that old with a perfect rush this sort of thing would not be possible anywhere outside of the old fashioned country school but it is a capital illustration of the way in which poetry may stir the enthusiasm more valuable still because at once deeper and most lasting is the effect of literature in imagination the real progress which children e in education the of the | 3 |
he imparted by instruction it is impossible to interest all in the artistic side of life to the same extent just as it is idle to hope to teach all to draw with equal skill this does not alter the direction of effort the teacher k must recognize and accept natural but not on that account be with at admirable results whatever are the conditions it la possible to do something to foster a love of what is really good in literature and to avoid the of formal in the history of authors the study of concerning the sources of plots the meaning of words and like for the friendly and vital study of what should be a warm live topic if young folk can be made really to care for good books not only is substantial and lasting good gained but most that is now attempted is more surely secured william declares that the truth can never be tom so as to be understood and not be believed in the same way it may be said that if children can be trained to recognize the characteristics of good f literature they arc sure in nine cases out of ten at least to care for it this is the work which properly belongs to the secondary schools and it is quite as much as they can be expected to do even up to the close of the high school course i am personally unable to see talks on teaching what good is accomplished by taking any body of that ever came under my observation and the question must be judged by personal experience and them in such matters as the following have taken these notes almost at random from approved school of the and they seem to me to be fairly representative some in the scenes in and s have led to a somewhat generally accepted belief tbat thomas was for the un portions t i s in a a dream to d admits of no dispute the incident of a jew his like in a latin play performed at st john s college cambridge at christmas the opening note in a popular edition of is a comment upon this passage the questionable of s loom so unlike the natural cheerful trotting of tbe machine or the simple of tbe had a half fearful for the boys the note reads as the hand loom once in village and hamlet was controlled by the action of tbe feet on the and worked by the hands a figure representing the parts may be found in johnson s the longer article on weaving in the may also be consulted tbe rattle of some difficulties s the loom in direct contrast to the cheerful trotting of the an old fashioned hand machine for separating the from the grain by means of wind by revolving the still in common use for grain by hand of a wooden staff or handle hung on a club called a so as to turn easily if the end of the study of fiction is the of dry facts this note may pa s i have purposely selected an example which is not worse than the average and which may perhaps be supposed to have an excuse in the consideration that so many readers may be ignorant of all the mentioned but can any person with a sense of humor suppose that a real boy is to get any proper enjoyment out of a story when he is at the outset asked to consult a couple of and is interrupted in his reading by comments of this sort the real point of the passage moreover the literary significance the fact that the boys of heard the and daily and so were attracted by the novelty of weaving with the use of this by e to the s in the neighborhood is left utterly unnoticed were it worth while i could give from in general use examples more unsatisfactory than these but this a fair of the which are administered to pupils in the name of literary study the students are not interested in talks on teaching literature these and i am inclined to believe that most of the teachers who feel obliged to classes in them could not honestly say that they themselves care a fig for such barren facts it ia no wonder that out of the school course young folk so often get the notion that e is in a recent entrance paper a boy wrote as follows i could never so much time to be given in to old books just because they have been known a long time it would be better if we could have given the time to something he said what many boys feel and what not a few of them have thought out frankly to themselves although perhaps few would express it ao if the study of literature means no more than is represented by work on notes and the history of books and authors i most fully agree with him some of the books at present included in the college entrance it must be added lend themselves too much to undoubtedly much thought has been given to the selection although perhaps less sympathetic consideration of child nature the result is not in all cases satisfactory to foster a taste for poetry a teacher may it is true do much with but i have yet to see the class of with which i should personally hope to arouse enthusiasm with l ii or i may be my own but i should some difficulties all of these poems magnificent in themselves hardly fitted for the boys and girls who are found in our public schools i have extracted from more than one teacher a confession of entire inability to take pleasure iu the milton which they assure their pupils is beautiful and while this is an | 3 |
of rather than of the works it is significant of the attitude the honest minds of children are likely to take by way of making things worse scholars are in a milton i the of this essay the product of the author s hand is most lamentable the of is here and the one thing which students are sure to get from the essay is the conception that poetry is the product of to be and cast aside when civilization is sufficiently advanced again and ag in entrance and in second year i found this idea expressed it is not only the one thing which out of the essay hut is often the one conviction in regard to literature which has survived as the result of the study of tlie entire entrance in the entrance paper of the of for last year i had put a question in regard to the difference was this essay has from the but the of it ire still witli us as it waa used for all classes entering before ll f this because of its important on il point to up talks on teaching literature between poetry and from the replies i have taken a few of the many echoes from the study of the milton that the alone care for i agree with that prose is the product of civilization poetry was the way the themselves poetry is not being written nearly ao much now as in the dark ages simply because men are learning to treat subjects in says that the writer of a great poem must have a certain of mind and the statement that to he a great poet a man must first be aa a little child if these opinions are just one would think poetry could not he regarded as of a quality equal to prose works poetry came first in the lapse of time and as people grew more as their education grew higher they wrote in prose these hardly do justice to the views of but it is evidently absurd to try to interest pupils in poetry when they are getting from one of the works selected for careful study the idea that the poet is a semi madman one of tlie habits of a half race fortunately much of the reading is better although in effect the books are sometimes limited by the of keeping the interest of children see some difficulties up for the long poem tke in the list of and the lady of the lake of course on the part of the pupil familiarity in the lower with and brief narrative poems and in many cases this may be most pupils will be sure to care for the ancient many for the princess and any wholesome boy with ordinary intelligence should be interested in and as things stand however the teacher is x to deal largely with books which almost formal and treatment s speech on admirable as it is in its place and way will hardly give to a young student an insight into literature or a taste for imaginative work the normal average lad is likely it seems to me to be bored by or at least very mildly interested and i confess frankly my inability to understand how youthful enthusiasm is to be aroused or more than youthful secured for s life of or a life of johnson plenty of pupils are enough to allow themselves to be led placidly through these works and indeed to submit to any volume imposed by school but what the teacher is to do is to convince the i young readers that books entitled to the name literature are really of more worth and inter j eat than the newspaper the story the novel or the song it is perhaps not possible to find among the english talks on teaching literature works well adapted to such use although i refuse to believe it but i do at least feel that the present entrance list does not lend readily to say the least to the task of the teacher who aims at developing an intelligent and loving appreciation of literature the list of obstacles which beset the way of a teacher of literature might easily be lengthened but these seem chief they are but they exist they must be faced and overcome and nothing is gained by them the successful teacher the successful general is he who m clearly difficulties and best in means by which they may be iv obstacles tee set down in the last chapter exist in the conditions under which teachers must work they should be recognized to the end that they may be as far as possible overcome they can be done away with only by the slow and gradual changing of public opinion and the re forming of intelligence for the present they are to be reckoned with ae inevitable another class of obstacles to the ideal result of the teaching of literature exists largely in the application of the modem system or in the method of the individual teacher these may to a great extent be done away with by a proper understand s ing of conditions a just estimate of what may he accomplished and a wise choice of the means of i doing this teachers must take things as ey find j them but the ultimate result of work depends to a great extent upon how they take them if they must often accept unfortunate conditions they may at least reduce to a whatever is ive in their own method the most serious defects which depend lai ly upon individual teaching are four the first is the danger already alluded to of teaching children talks on teaching literature literature the ia that of making too great a demand upon the child the third is the common habit of to ih the enthusiasm of the pupil through the reason instead of at the | 3 |
reason through the enthusiasm and the fourth is to speak boldly the possible of the teacher for this particular work the first of is the moat it is bo natural to bring forward facts concerning the history of writers and of books it is indeed so impossible to avoid this entirely to induce students to repeat what some critic has written about authors and their works is so easy that this and inevitably to make up the bulk of instruction every takes refuge in such formal the history of literature is it is easily and it is naturally accepted by children as being exactly in line with the work which properly belongs to other studies with which they are acquainted if a child is set to treat literature just as he has treated history or the process will appeal to him as logical and easily to be mastered lie will find no in applying the same method to and to the list of or to the table and however well or ill he succeed in what is given he will feel the of working in accustomed names and dates may be learned by old paper are things and thus come to mean l of childish to teach literature requires sympathy and the history of literature requires only much that in school reports is set down aa the study of is in reality only a mixture o courses in biography and history more or less with gossip the second danger that of making too great a demand upon the child is one which to some extent all school work to day but which to be especially great and especially disastrous in the case of the study we axe considering often the nature of the questions asked shows one form of this demand in a way that is nothing less than preposterous children in secondary schools are required to have original ideas in regard to the character o lady to define the workings of the mind of to produce personal opinions in the of the of hamlet children whose highest in english composition do not and cannot reach beyond the statement of simple facts and ideas are coolly requested to between the style of ii and that of l and to show how each is adapted to the purpose of the poet if they were allowed to write from the point of view of a child the matter would be bad enough but no teacher who sets such a t would be satisfied with anything properly belonging to the it is safe to be tolerably certain that no teacher ever gave out thia sort of a talks on teaching literature tion could without from the critics form satisfactorily the laid upon the unfortunate children i have before me a entitled for teachers of english in the high schools it is not a gracious task to find fault with a fellow and a fellow writer in the same line in which i am myself offering su and i therefore simply put it to the common sense of teachers what the effect upon the average high school pupil would be if he were confronted with questions such as are included in the proposed outline for the study of the author o the that these points are to be used after some power of analysis has l een developed the language relative proportion of english latin element proportion and use weight of the style and words element significance of terms element prevailing character of figures of speech the uses of words poetic forms poetic of parts of speech and i am unable to t ta call to the the writer some and it be if ha l d developed other obstacles number and character of feet accent and quantity the selected lines compare with classic compare witli other character of rhyme compare with other poems presence and of musical examine for and speed examine for dignity of in lines character of stopped character of back front harsh correspondence of sound to sense it would be interesting and perhaps somewhat humiliating for each one of us who are teachers to take a list of tlie questions we hare set for in literature and with perfect honesty tell how many of them we could ourselves answer with any originality and how many it is fair to suppose that our students could write with any ideas except those gathered from teacher or text book with the pressure of a doubtful system and of custom always upon us few of us it is to be feared would escape without a sore conscience when i speak of a school boy or a school girl as writing with originality i do not mean anything profound i am not so as to suppose talks on teaching literature originality will take the form of novel discoveries iii regard to the significance of work or the intention of authors i only mean that what the boy or girl writes shall be written because he or she really thinks it and tliat each idea no matter if it l o obvious and crude shall have some trace of individuality which will indicate that it has passed through the mind of the pupil who expresses it this i believe is what should chiefly concern the maker of examination papers lie should especially aim at giving students an opportunity of showing personal opinions and convictions no one who looked over of is likely to deny that we are most of us likely to be betrayed into asking of our classes absurd things in the line of criticism it is all very well to remember the phrase about the high character of some of the of and but this is hardly sufficient warrant for that our school children shall in philosophy and chatter in criticism the honest truth is that we are constantly demanding of pupils things that we could for the most part | 3 |
do but very poorly ourselves the unfortunate who be themselves with fairy tales or with stories of adventure as their taste happens to be are being dragged through the of an exquisite book which i if one person in fifty can read to day with proper appreciation and delight other obstacles until he is at least twenty five they are being asked to write about lady and if they were really frank and wrote their own real thoughts if they considered her from the point of view of the children they are where is the teacher who would not feel obliged to return the theme as a failure those who recognized that it was of real worth because genuine would also realize that it would be impossible when tried by the modem standard of how far individual teachers go in demanding from children what the youthful mind cannot be fairly expected to give will depend upon the personal of the in too many cases the entrance set a standard which in the fitting schools may not safely be ignored but which is fatal to all original thinking perhaps the worst form of this is the from the student what are supposed to be upon artistic form or content a hint of the teaching which is intended to lead up t this has been given in the topics suggested in connection with the study of on page the outline from which those are quoted goes on to give the following questions of what literary spirit is the what ia the author s habit as shown in tha poem what ia the place of poem in the development of i am perhaps a little to these talks on teaching literature because i am i confess entirely to answer myself but i am also sure tliat no child in the stage of mental development belonging to the secondary schools would have any clear and reasonable idea even of what they mean the example is an extreme one but it has more than would possible the of views on whether in regard to or to motive is utterly beyond the range of any mental condition the teacher in secondary schools has a right to assume or to expect au that can happen is that the student who asked to answer will in form more or less distorted according to the like fidelity of his memory views he has heard without understanding them any teacher of common sense knows this and any teacher of independent mind will refuse to be by or by entrance examination papers into tasks of this sort upon his pupils in any branch many students either go on or fail altogether through sheer ignorance of bow to study in the case of literature perhaps more tail through this cause than through all others combined a robust honest and not lad who is fairly well disposed toward school work but whose real interests are in life and active sport who is interested only in the obviously practical side of knowledge is set down to study a play of shake s he is disposed to do it well if not other obstacles t rom any vital interest in tlie matter at least from a general of being faithful in bis work and a instinct to do a thing thoroughly if he it at he is at the outset puzzled to know what is expected of bim in or he has bad definite tasks and success has in direct proportion to the diligence with which he has followed a course definitely marked out now he casts about for a of he can understand that he is expected to learn tbe meaning of unusual or words that he is to make acquainted with tbe story so that be may be able to answer any of the which adorn the puzzle department of examination papers things be does but be is too sensible not to know that if this is all there is to tbe study of literature tbe game is not worth the candle he cannot help feeling that tbe time thus employed might be put to a better use he is probably bored and as he is sure to know that be is bored he is likely to a contempt for literature which is none tbe less deep and none the permanent for not being put into words he very likely comes to believe with the inevitable tendency of youth to make its own feelings tbe by which to judge all the world that everybody is really bored by literature if only for some inscrutable reason people did not feel it necessary to the matter in so much talk about the beauty of shakespeare about the greatness of his poetry the talks on teaching literature x wonders of literary art come to affect him a cant pure and simple he puts this to plainly or not according to his temperament but the feeling ia in his mind showing at every turn to one wise enough to discern now and then a boy is bom with the taste and appreciation of poetry and of course even in these days when a literary atmosphere in the home is unhappily so rare an occasional student appears from time to time who has been taught to care for poetry where every child should to love it in the nursery on the whole however the average school boy really cares little or nothing for literature and in his secret heart is entirely convinced that nobody else cares either not knowing how to study literature then and feeling that in literature is nothing to study which is of consequence the pupil is in no position to ma e even a reasonable beginning he cannot even approach literature in any proper attitude unless he can be made to care for it unless ho can be so interested tbat he ceases to feel the profession of admiration for the | 3 |
shakespeare he is asked to work upon to be necessarily cant and affectation perhaps the hardest part of the task set before the teacher is to bring the pupil into a frame of mind where he can properly study poetry and to give him some insight into what such study may and should mean how this is to be accomplished i cannot pretend fully to say in speaking of what i may call other obstacles r training in literature i shall try to answer the to some extent and here i may at least point out that the situation is from the first utterly hopeless if the teacher is in the same state of mind as the pupil if the ia able to see no method ni studying literature other than mechanical over form the looking up of words of dates of plot and so on it is idle to hope that he will be able to aid the class to better than this as dust the teacher may at least what at its best the study is he may or may not have the power of those under him to enthusiasm but he may at least show them that something ia possible the mechanical treatment of the of art a writer in the dial states tt the attitude of great masses of students in saying there are many people young people in particular who with the best will in the world understand why it is that men make a fuss about literature and are by the bestowed upon the great literary they would like to join in sympathetic appreciation of the masters aud they have an abundant store of gratitude and reverence to lavish upon tliat approve themselves as but just what there is iti shakespeare and and to call for such seeming extravagance of remains a dark mystery such people aj e apt in their of revolt to set it all down to a sort tales on teaching literature of critical conspiracy and to consider those voice conventional literary oa with an kind of they cannot see for the life of them why the hooks of the with their their cleverness their or interest should he held of no account by the real lovers of literature while the doll of a age are exalted to the skies by same of the art of letters some young people never recover from the condition of open revolt into which they are thrown by the methods of our education y out of own experience and appreciation the teacher must be able to show the pupil some method i of studying literature which shall in the measure of the student s individual capacity lead to a conception of what e is and wherein lies its until this can be done nothing has been effected which ia of any real or lasting value the third defect which i have mentioned i have put in a phrase which may at first seem somewhat what is meant by the attempt to reach the enthusiasm of the child through tjie reason may not be at once apparent yet the thing ia simple it is not difficult to lead children to think and to think deeply of things which have touched their feeling if once their emotions are aroused they will go forward in every investigation of which their minds are capable and with whatever degree of appreciation they are equal to a child cannot however bo reasoned into any vital admiration the extent to which an is to be touched other obstacles by argument extremely limited few for instance are able really to respond an or care points out some historic spot and after relating some event in ms professional ends with a k which says almost more plainly than words stand here and thrill sixpence a thrill please yet this is very much what is expected of children the teacher takes a famous book laboriously its merits its fame its beauties and then commands the children think of that and thrill t one credit for every thrill it is true that the demands a fee and the teacher promises a reward but the result is tbe same do the children thrill la there a conscientious teacher who tried this method who has not with realized that the students have come out of the course with nothing save a few poor facts and conventional opinions which they reserve for as they might save battered for the contribution they have been personally conducted through a course of literature they come out of it in much the same condition as return home the personally conducted through foreign art galleries who say yes i must have seen the if it s io the i saw all the pictures there you know the chief difference is that children are generally incapable outside of examination papers of pretending an enthusiasm which they do not feel f talks on teaching literature h one thing is is that children know when they are bored many become bo in the art oi self deception as to be able to cheat themselves into thinking they are at tlie height of enjoyment because they are doing what they consider to be the proper thing when in simple truth their only pleasure must lie in the gratification of a futile vanity of children this is seldom true or if it is true it extends only to the by their own childish world if they have these from the of their elders and they do not fool themselves with a show of enjoyment when the reality is wanting if they ai e by a book the fact that it is a does not in the least console them may bo forced by teachers to read or to study it and to say on examination papers that it is beautiful yet they not only know they are not pleased but to each other they are generally ready | 3 |
to acknowledge it with perfect frankness the need of saying thia in the present connection is that it is not possible to convince children they are enjoying the writing of about mrs or about and or on the character of lady unless they are interested i am far from being so modern as to think that pupils should not be asked to do which they do not wish to do but i am radical enough to believe that no other good which may be accomplished by the study of literature in any other way can fur making good books other obstacles wearisome the idea that literature is something to be vaguely respected but not to be read for en is already sufficiently and rather than see it more i would have all the teaching of literature in the secondary altogether the last point which i mentioned as likely to the value of teaching is that it so often demands of teachers more than can be surely or counted on in the way of fitness this i do not mean to dwell upon nor is it my purpose to draw up a bill of against my craft i wish simply to comment that one essential a prime essential in the teaching of literature is the power of imaginative enthusiasm on the part of the teacher this would be recognized if the subject of instruction were any other of the fine arts if teachers were required to train school children in the of or in the pictures of everybody would realize that some special on the part of the was requisite every normal or college is set to teach the of or of milton and the fact that the poetry is as completely a work of ta as ia or picture and that what holds true of one as the product of artistic imagination must hold true of the other is quietly aud even unconsciously ignored ko amount of study will create in a teacher the artistic imagination in its highest sense although much may be done in the way of developing artistic talks on teaching literature perception but at least self may go far in the of the important quality of self honesty an to deal fairly with himself he must be strong enough to acknowledge to himself if be ia not able to care for some work that is as an artistic i he must be willing to say to himself that he cannot do justice to this work or to that because he is not in sympathy with it or because he any experience which would give him a key to its mood and meaning one thing seems to me to be entirely above dispute in this delicate inquiry that it is idle to hope to impart to children what we have not and it follows that the first necessity is to appreciate our i ask only for the same sort of honesty which would by common consent be essential in teaching the more humble branches a teacher who could not solve would be an ill in by the same token it is evident that a teacher who cannot enter into the heart o a poem who does not understand the mood of a play who has not a real enthusiasm for literature is not fitted to help children to a comprehension and an appreciation of these neither is the power to the praises and phrases of critics or a sufficient for teaching in an examination paper at the of a boy recently wrote with admirable frankness and other obstacles i that while i like shakespeare i like other poets better aod my have me that he was the greatest writer thej never seemed to know why the boy unconsciously a most important fact namely that if a teacher does not know why a poet ia gi eat it b not only difficult to convince the pupil of the reality of bis claims but also is it impossible to disguise from the clever scholars the real ignorance of the as well try to warm children by a description of a fire as to endeavor to in them admiration and pleasure by phrases no matter how or repeated they are aroused only by the of genuine feeling they are moved only by finding that the teacher is first moved himself it is bad enough when an wliat he has acquired about or geography pupils receive mechanically whatever is mechanically imparted and in even the most purely intellectual branches training can at best only the mind of the without it when it comes to a study which is presented as of value precisely because it feeling the absurdity becomes nothing less than monstrous any child of ordinary intelligence comes sooner or later to perceive whether he reasons it out or not tliat much of the literature presented to him is not in the least worth the bother of study if it is to be taken merely on its face value if the talks on teaching literature of ot is to be read simply for the plot either book might be swept out of existence to and the world be little poorer a teacher will at least be honest with himself in how much more than the obvious and often slight face value he is his class to perceive an ordinary modem school boy unconsciously but inevitably measures the of the books presented to him by the news of the day and the facts of life as he bees it if he is not made to feel that books represent something more than a statement of outward fact or of action he is too clear headed not to see that they are of little real worth and with the pitiless of youth he is too honest not to acknowledge this to himself young people are apt to credit their elders with enormous power of pretending the | 3 |
with an by way of fare across the and certainly in no proper sense could be considered education difficult as it may be the pupil must be made to think and to feel for himself or the work is naught perhaps the tendency to try to do for the student what he should accomplish for himself is the most general and the most serious of all the errors into which teachers are likely to fall the temptation is bo great however and the conditions so favorable to this sort of mistake that it is not possible to out to who fall into it an amount of blame at all equal to the gravity of the foundations op work of any or appreciation of literature the power of read ing it a truth so obvious might seem to be for granted and to need no saying but any one who has dealt with entrance ia aware how many students get to the close of their fitting school life without having acquired the power of reading with even approaching intelligence as it may sound i cannot help as the foundation of all study of literature the training of students in reading pure and simple the practical value of simple reading aloud seems to me to have been too often overlooked by teachers of literature teachers read to their pupils and this is or should be of great importance but the thing of which i am now speaking ia the reading of the students to the teacher and to the class in the first place a student cannot read aloud without making evident the degree of his intelligent comprehension of what he is reading he must show how much ho understands and how he it the queer in which come l talks teaching literature out in the reading of pupils are often enough but they are amusing and any teacher can absurd illustrations and it is not safe to of even apparently simple passages that the child understands them until he proved it by intelligent reading aloud the attention which reading is at present receiving is one of the encouraging signs of the times and but do much to forward the work of the of e of so much importance is it however that the first impression of a class be good that the must be sure either to find a reasonably good reader among the pupils for the first rendering or must give it himself in plays this is hardly wise or practicable but here the parts are easily assigned beforehand and the pride of the students made a help in securing good results in any work a class should be made to understand that the first thing to do in studying a piece of literature is to learn to read it aloud and as if it were the personal utterance of the reader in dealing with a class it is often a saving of time and an easy method of avoiding the effects of individual shyness to have the pupils read in concert in dealing with short pieces of verse this is moreover a means of getting all the class into the spirit of the piece the method of course in but it is in many cases practically serviceable above everything the teacher must be sure be foundations of wore fore any attempt is made to do anything further that the pupil has a clear at least of the language of what he reads mj own experience with boys who come from secondary schools even of good grade has shown me that they not display extraordinary of getting from the sentences and phrases of literature the most plain and obvious meaning especially in the case of while as to unusual expressions they are constantly at sea on a recent entrance examination paper i had put as a test of this very power the lines from and with sweet ttie d bosom of that perilous stuff the play is one they had studied carefully at school and they were asked to explain the force in these lines of here are some of the replies used in this quotation means that the person was not particular as to the kind of that was chosen a remedy that would not expose the lady to public suspicion the word a soothing cure which will heal the senses an applied in a forgetful way or unknown to the person here means some that would put lady to sleep while the doctor removed the cause of the trouble means one that is very pleasing the word is beautifully used here talks on literature the doctor to administer to lady wliich will cure her of tier fatal but ii will not at all be any bitter medicine here means some remedy the doctor bad forgotten but might remember if lie thought hard enough of many of the replies were sensible and but those hardly better these were numerous in my own second year work in which the students have had all the fitting school training and the besides i am not confounded by the inability of students to understand the meaning of words which one uses as a matter of course the statement that secretly married a lady in waiting for instance reappeared in a note in the assertion that sir walter ran away with queen elizabeth s and a remark about something which took place at holland house brought out the that the event happened in a dutch tavern personally i have never discovered how far beyond words of one syllable a to students may safely go in any assurance that his language will be by all the members of his class but this is one of the things which must bo decided if teaching is to be effective f it must always be remembered that the of literature is to some extent different from that employed in the ordinary business of life the | 3 |
whether they realize it or not of being helped by fiction to understand real life and they will be in the right way of judging books by l fi the principle of speaking to pupils only in the of their own experience is of universal application but it is to be applied with common of work sense nothing is more unfortunate in teaching than to have pupils feel that they are being talked down to or that too great an effort is being made to bring instruction to their level a friend once told me of a professor who in the days of the first of enthusiasm in this made so great an effort to take all his illustrations from the game that the class regarded the matter a standing joke yet if care be exercised it is not to mi y with the childish the familiar and the commonplace the dignified the unusual and the starting with a daily experience the teacher may go on to states of the same emotion which are far greater and higher than can have come into the actual life of the child but which are intelligible and possible because although they differ in degree they are the same in kind nothing is lost of the dignity of a play of shakespeare s dealing with ambition if the teacher starts with ambition to be at the head of the school to lead the nine or to in any sport but from this the child be led on through whatever instances he may know in history and in the end made to feel that the ambition of is an emotion he has felt even though it is that emotion carried to its highest terms so the small and the great are linked together and the use of the little does not appear because it has been a stepping stone to thb great the aim in teaching literature is to make it talks on teaching literature a part of the student s intimate and actual life a warm human personal matter and not a taken up formally and laid aside as soon as is removed to this end b the appeal made to the pupil s experience and to this is he allowed to make his own to his own and any teacher it must he remembered is for the scholar in the position of a special the student regards it as part of the duty to praise whatever is taught and instinctively which he feels may be only formal and official he forms hia own opinion or from the judgment of his the conclusions of his he may repeat for purposes of or of examination the of the teacher hut he is likely to be little influenced by them unless they are confirmed by the voice of his fellows and his own taste if yoimg people do not reason this out they are never by it and this condition of things must be by the teacher i it follows that it is practically never wise to praise a book beforehand the proper position in presenting to the class any work for study is that it b something which the class are to read together with a view of discovering what it is like of course the teacher that it has merit or it would not be taken up hut he also that the members of the class may or may not care for it the logical and safe method is to foundations of set tie to see if tliey can discover why good judges have regarded the work aa of merit the teacher should say in i do not whether you will care for this or not but i hope you will be able to see what there is in it to have made it notable when the study of poem or play is practically over when the pupils have done all that can be reasonably expected of in the way of independent judgment the teacher may show as many reasons for it as he feels the pupils will understand he must however be honest in letting them like it or not he must recognize that it is better for a lad honestly to be bored by every of literature in existence than to his mind by the reception of merely opinions got by t the same thing might be said of the drawing of a moral except that it is not easy to speak with patience of those often well but gravely mistaken who seem bound to impress upon their scholars that literature is in so far as a book is deliberately it is not literature it may be artistic in spite of its a deliberate lesson but never because of this my own instinct would be and i am consistent enough to make it pretty generally my practice to conceal fi om a class as well as i can any deliberate drawing of morals into which a writer of genius may have fallen it is like the fault of a friend and is to be from the public as talks on literature far as honesty will permit certainly it should never he before the young will not reason about the matter but are too wholesome by nature and too near to primitive human conditions not to distrust an offering of intellectual which ob a moral morals are as a rule drawn by teachers who feel that they must teach something and something they lack the conception of any office of ai t higher than and they deal with literature accordingly they are unable to appreciate tho fact that the most effective influence which can be brought to bear upon the human mind is never the direct teaching of the preacher or the but the instruction of events and emotions personally have sufficient modesty moreover to make me hesitate to assume that i can j better than a master artist low far | 3 |
it is well to go in drawing a moral if the man of genius has not to point to b deliberate lesson am far from feeling inclined to take the ground that i know better and that the sermon should be there when shakespeare or or feels that a vivid of life should be left to work out its own effect far from me be the to consider the poet wrong or to try to piece out his magnificent work with the tendency to abuse children with morals is as vicious as it is it is perhaps not with the idea that instruction and improve foundations of work ment must alike come through means not in themselves it is the principle upon which an old new england country wife the of a by its bitterness we all find it hard to realize that as far as literature at least is concerned the good it does is to be measured rather by the pleasure it gives the children entirely and delight in it we need bother about no morals we need as far as the question of its value in the training of the child s mind goes have no concern about art is the of joy and literature is art or it is the most futile and foolish thing ever introduced into the training of the young l vi work it will not always do to plunge at once into a given piece of literature for often a certain amount of preliminary work h needed to prepare the mind of the pupil to receive effect intended by the author for convenience i should divide the teaching of literature into four stages preliminary the division ia of course arbitrary hut it is after all one which comes naturally enough in actual work one division will not pass into another and no one could be so foolish as to literature is to be taught by a cut and dried mechanical process of any sort the division is convenient however at least for purposes of discussion and no argument should be needed to prove that in many cases the pupil cannot even read the literature he is supposed to study until he has hail some preparatory instruction the of any particular work must f first be taken into account we do not ask a child preliminary work to read a poem until we him to have by every lay use with the common words it contains we should remember that the poet in writing has assumed that the reader is equally familiar with any less common words which may be used it is certainly not to be held that the writer that in the middle of a flowing line or at a point where the emotion ia at its highest the reader shall be by ignorance of the meaning of a m that he shall be obliged to to notes to look up shall be plunged into a of allied and parallel passages such as are so often prepared by the ingenious of school these things are well enough in their and way but no author ever intended his work to be read by any such process and since literal depends so largely on the production of a mood such are nothing less than fatal to the effect i remember as a boy sitting at the feet of an elder sister who was reading to me in english from a french text at the very climax of the tale when the heroine was being pursued down a wild by a the reader came to an which she could not with true new england she began to look it up in the dictionary but i not bear the delay i caught the out of her hands and without having even seen the french or knowing a syllable of that language cried out oh i tales on teaching literature know that word it means blood did he catch her she abandoned the search and in all the horror of the picturesque epithet the on to be encountered by the hero at the next turn of the romantic i had at the moment bo far as i can remember consideration of the exact truth of my statement i simply could not bear that the emotion of the crisis should be interrupted by that bother search for an exact equivalent the term blood fitted the situation admirably and i thrust it in ao that we might hurry forward on the rushing current of excitement this as i understand it is the fashion in which children should take literature few occasions perhaps are likely to call for so lurid as that in which described the ghost of but the spirit of the thing read should so carry the r forward that he cannot endure when work must be done with and notes in order that the text may be easily and properly understood this should be taken as straightforward preliminary study it should be made as agreeable aa possible but agreeable for and in itself when i say agreeable for itself i mean without especial reference to the text for which is being made the history of words the growth and of the peculiarities and relations of speech may always be made attractive to an intelligent class and since hei c and throughout all study of literature students preliminary work are to he to do as of the actual work as possible thia part is the of time given to such learning of the might at first seem to be an objection to the method in the first place however there is an actual economy of time in doing all this at first and at thus getting it out of the way and saving the waste of constant in going over the text in tlie second it affords a means of making this portion of the work actually interesting in itself and valuable for | 3 |
its relation to the study of language in general and in the third place it both in mind and allows the of the author with some sense of the effect he designed to give by the words he employed it is hardly necessary to say that in this matter of taking up the beforehand many teachers perhaps even most teachers will not agree with me the other side of the question is very well put in a by miss mary e published by the new england association of teachers in english my pupils i find can work longer and harder on and with constantly interest on any other suited to use just because these are so the pupils have the patience to with the of the text in general they feel only a languid interest in as delight the student of language for the expression he does n t know a hawk from a might foil to arouse their curiosity but when hamlet says i am but mad north north talks on teaching literature west when the wind is i know a hawk from a they are on the alert they really core to know what he and why he has used peculiar expression thus word might he mere is rendered interesting by the human element in the play the element which in my opinion should always be kept well in the a lai number of teachers many of them very likely of experience greater than mine will agree with this view am not able to do so because i believe we should know the language before we try to read but i at least hold that the first principle in any teaching ia that a teacher shall v follow the method which lie finds best adapted to hj own temperament for the who is convinced that the habit of taking up difficulties of language as they are met in actual reading to take them up then is perhaps the only effective way of doing things it seems to me however a little like sacrificing the literature to a desire to make teaching the easier it is very likely a way of interest in difficulties of language bat in teaching literature the of obscure words and phrases is of interest or value simply for the sake of the effect of the text and i hold that to this effect and to this effect as a whole everything else should be subordinate each teacher must decide for himself what is the proper method but i insist that no author ever wrote sincerely without assuming that his was familiar to ms audience beforehand i preliminary work certainly i am not able to feel that it is wise to interrupt any first reading with anything save perhaps the possible explanations comments that are so short as not to break the flow of the as a whole the first reading of a narrative of any sort it may surely be said ia chiefly a matter of making the reader and especially the childish reader acquainted with the story since little real study can be accomplished while interest is concentrated on the plot it may be wise for the teacher to have a first reading without any more attention to the of than is absolutely needed to make the story intelligible and then to have the difficulties learned before a second and more intelligent going over of the work as a whole teacher must decide a point of this sort according to individual judgment and the character of the class el all the lower of school work whatever literature is given to the children should be in di tion and in so simple that very little of this sort of preliminary work need be done so long as what is selected has real literary excellence it can hardly be too simple we constantly forget it to me how simple is the world of children dr john brown dear and wise soul has justly children are long in or at least in looking at what is above tliey like the ground ami its flowers and stones its red and birds and l talks on teaching literature all its queer their world is about three feet high and they are more often stooping gazing np it does not follow tliat are to be fed od that sort of water which is so often aa literature they should be given the best the work of real writers but of this the simplest should be chosen and in dealing with it the children should not be with thoughts and ideas which are over their heads tbey live it must be remembered in a world about three feet high mentally as well as physically to remove and in reading beside having all obscure terms understood it is well to call attention to some of the most striking and beautiful passages in the book or poem which is to be read they should be taken up as detached and the pupils made to discover or to see how aud why each is good the pleasure of coming upon them when the text is read helps in itself it the strain on the mind of the student in the effort of comprehension and it the effect of the portions chosen my idea is that many ue passages may be treated almost as a part of the of the text their meaning and force may be made so evident and so attractive that when the complete play or poem is taken up a knowledge of these bits helps greatly in securing a strong effect of the work as a whole teachers too often it is to be feared work the it is to the young to understand and to feel at tlie same time we fail to recognize indeed how difficult it is for or for any one to feel while the attention is to take in the | 3 |
meaning of a thing so that in literary study we are likely to the impossible the of the emotions while all the force of the child s mind is concentrated upon the effort to comprehend may he done to lessen this stress a most desirable the of the the of obscure passages obviously in this but so does tho pointing out of beauties instead of being ed in the midst of the effort to take in a poem or a play as a whole and being harassed by the need of details of or the student has a pleasant sense of self in coming obscure matters already conquered and in the same way receives both pleasure and a feeling of mastery in beauties already familiar i the preliminary work besides this study of any difficulties of should include i is needful in making clear any difference between the point of view of the work studied and that of i the child s ordinary life in the merchant of for instance it is necessary to clear the fact that the play was written for an audience to which was an intolerable crime and a jew a creature to be thoroughly detested the jew of recent years in europe helps to make thia the f talks on literature point be made because otherwise appears like a and tbe story is easily brought home to the school boy moreover by its close relation to the simplest emotions tbe two that has incurred the hatred of through his kindness to persons in trouble and that he comes within the range of danger through money to aid his friend are so closely allied to universal human feelings and universal experience that it is only needful to be sure these points are clearly perceived to have tbe sympathies of the class thoroughly awakened all this is so obvious that it is hardly necessary to say it except for tbe sake of not what is of so much real importance every teacher understands this and acts upon it to include this in the preliminary work may a contradiction of a previous statement that it is not wise to tell children what they are expected to get from any given book the two matters are entirely distinct what should be done is really that sort of giving of the point of view which we so commonly and so naturally exercise in telling an anecdote in conversation of all conceited men i ever met we say tom was the worst why once i saw him and so on for the story which is thus declared to be an of vanity see we say to the class iu you must have felt sorry to see some kindly honest fellow cheated just because be was too to suspect the that cheated mm preliminary work here ia the story of a great splendid honest a noble general and a fine leader who was utterly ruined and brought to his death in just that way this is not drawing a moral and it seems to me entirely legitimate aid to tbe student it is less doing anything for them that they could and should do than it ia directing them so that they may advance more quickly and in tbe right direction this indication of the general direction in which the mind should move in considering a work is closely connected with what might be called establishing the proper point of departure this is neither more nor less than fixing the fact of common experience in the life of the pupil at which it seems safe and wise to begin what has been said about the way in which a teacher calls upon the experience of the pupils to bring home the picture of the village blacksmith at his is an indication of what is here meant in teaching history to day with a somewhat older grade of pupils than would be reading that poem of s an naturally makes vivid the of st by comparison with the reports of in our own time and in the same line the fact that it is so short a time since the king of was or that the present of turkey on his crown with the blood of his brothers may be made to assist a class to take the point of view necessary for the of the tragedy in i have already spoken page talks on teaching literature of the but even more vital way in which the vice of ambition that is so a motive power in that tragedy is to be understood by starting from the in sports since this so surely intelligible emotion the mind of the is easily led on to the ambition which burns to a kingdom it is wise not to be afraid of the simple if the poem to be studied is the ancient it is well to discover what is the strangest situation in which any member of the class has ever found himself after the rest of the pupils to imagine what must be one s feelings in such circumstances it is not difficult to lead them on to understand the of that he tried to show how a man would feel if the supernatural were actual for natural wholesome minded children it is not in the least necessary to take pains to reconcile them to the to the normal child the line between the actual and the unreal does not exist until this has been into him by teaching conscious or unconscious the normal condition of youth is that which a fairy as simply and as as it a tree or a certainly it is true that children are in general ready enough for what they would call that stage of half conscious self deception which between the blessed imaginative faith of childhood and the more attitude of those who have discovered that there is n t any for all younger classes | 3 |
preliminary work more ia likely to be necessary than to tliat the wonderful will be accepted t when occasion arises to justify the marvellous the teacher may always call attention to the fact that in poems like the ancient or or the supernatural is a part of the to connect with this the pupil s conception of the part the plays in a proposition in is at once to help to connect one branch of study with another always a desirable thing in education and to aid them in understanding why and how they are to accept the wonders of the story entirely without question the impossible is part of the proposition and this they must bo made to feel before they can be at ease with their author or get at all the proper point of view i aim of literature is to arouse emotion but i we live in a age and the youth of the pre i sent is not given to the v youth moreover instinctively feeling and the lads in our school classes to day are in their outside lives and indeed in most of their school work called upon to be as hard headed and as as possible they are likely to feel that emotion is weak to be moved is they will shy at any statement that they feel what they read the notion of an helps here a boy will accept not entirely reasoning the thing out but really making of it an excuse to himself for being moved the idea that if the were true le might feel deeply talks on teaching literature although he himself that as tis he is actually stable in a manly indifference aim of the teacher is to awake feeling but not to speak of it to touch the class as deeply as possible yet not to seem an are or at least not to show that he is aware that tho students are touched i in this as in all treatment of literature any connection with the actual life of the pupil is of the greatest it seems to justify emotion and it gives to the work of imagination a without i the thing out fully a boy of the present day is likely to judge the importance of anything presented to him at school by what he can see of its direct bearing upon hia future work and especially by its relations to the side of life this is even true of children so young that they might be supposed still to be ignorant of the of the time and of the practical side of existence the teacher best this danger by starting directly fi om some thought or fact in the child s present life and from this leading him on to the mood of the work of literature which is under consideration here and everywhere i feel the danger of seeming to be mechanical processes for that no mechanical process can reach if the teacher has a sympathetic love for literature he understand that t do not and cannot mean anything of the sort if he has not that sympathy lie cannot treat literature otherwise than in a machine fashion no matter what is said it some preliminary work times seems that it is hardly logical to expect every teacher to be an in literature any more than it would be to ask every teacher to take classes in music and art requires not only know ledge but both master and pupil must have a to the imaginative or little can be accomplished since the of our present system however require that bo large a proportion of teachers s hall make the attempt i am simply to give practical hints which may aid in the but i wish to keep plainly evident the fact that nowhere do i mean to imply a patent process a mechanical method or anything which is of value except as it is applied with a full comprehension that the chief thing the thing to which any method is to be at need completely sacrificed s to awaken appreciation and enthusiasm to the imagination of the and to develop whatever natural powers may have for the enjoying and the loving of good i books while thia waa in a writer in the monthly london has remarked i fail to how a can be until a foundation of knowledge has been laid and i tremble to think of the of od enforced diet of tho the npon a aa yet ignorant of the elements of english vn the use op the which i have used as indicating the of the teaching of literature is a large word for what ia the moat simple and natural part of the whole dealing with which goes on between teacher and pupil it ia a term however which expresses pretty well what ia or should be the character of the study at its best the chief effect of e d h a to a a nd by ins as a to teaching i mean that of literature which best this end put in terms the whole matter might be expressed by saying that the most important of literature in the school as in life is to to delight and to and who ever is familiar with the limited extent to which the required training in college or in prescribed courses this office will realize the need which exists for the of this view of the matter literature is made a for the training of the intellect or a for the exercise of the memory but it is too seldom that delight which it must be to accomplish highest uses use of literature that uie secondary schools should be chiefly with this phase of literature seems to me a truth so obvious and so that i can see only with astonishment that it is so generally | 3 |
ignored in the lower it is true something is done in the way of letting children enjoy literature without about history of authors instances critical and all the devices th which later the of genius are turned into but even here too many teachers feel an innate craving to draw morals and to make poetry in they seem to forget that as children themselves they ed the moral when they read a story or at best received it as an uninteresting necessity like the core of an apple to be discarded when from it had been all the sweets o the tale nothing is more amazing than the extent to which all we teachers in varying degrees but even to the best of us go on dealing a sort of imaginary child which from our own experience we know never did and never could exist the great secret of all teaching is to recognize that we must deal with our pupils as if we were dealing with our own selves at their age if we can accomplish this we shall not bore them with dull under the pretext that we are introducing them to the delights of literature where a class has to be dealt with the work in any branch must be adapted to the average mind and not to the of the individual so talks on teaching literature that in school many are impossible which at home or in individual training are not difficult it is not hard i believe to interest even the average modem boy distracted by the of current impressions in the best literature provided be may be taken alone and handled almost any wholesome and sane lad may at times be found to be indifferent in class to the plays of shakespeare for instance yet i believe few healthy and fairly intelligent boys of from ten to fifteen could resist the fascination of the plays if these were read with them by a competent person at proper times and without the of mental perception which necessarily comes with the presence of be this as it may the teacher must be content witb as well as be can the spirit of the class as a whole some one or two of the pupils will lead and may seem to represent the spirit of all but even they are not what they would be alone and in any case the must not devote himself to the most clever while the rest of the pupils are neglected follows that in the choice of pieces to be read i students the first thing to be considered is that i shall be effective in a broad sense so that i they will appeal to the average intelligence and of a given class easily and naturally they must first of all have tliat strong appeal to general i human emotion which will a ready response from youth not well developed and rendered less sensitive by being witli other use of literature students in a a selection is not easy and it tlie careful of what may be termed the individuality of any given group of pupils but it seems to me to be at once one of the moat obvious and one of the most important of the points which should be considered in the beginning of any attempt to create in school a real enjoyment in literature a danger which naturally presents itself at the very outset is the of forgetting that the possession of this easy and obvious interest is not a sufficient reason why a work should be presented to a class it too often happens that the desire of and interesting pupils leads teachers to bring forward things that are and have little if any further recommendation doubtless dr johnson was right when he declared that you have done a great thing when you have brought a boy to have entertainment from a book yet after all the teacher is not advancing in his task and may be doing positive harm if he sacrifice too much to the desire to be instantly and strongly pleasing and unworthy books are so pressed upon the reading public at the present day that especial care is needed to avoid the tendency to receive them in place of literature it is not my to give of for in the first place it has been done over and over in such a collection as the admirable heart of oak series and in the second no se can be held to be equally adapted to talks on literature ent or to have real value unless it has been made with a view to the actual needs of a definite body of pupils pupils must bo interested yet the things chosen to aj their interest should be those which have not only the superficial qualities which make an instant appeal but possess also those more lasting merits essential to genuine literature in the lower it is generally i believe possible for the teacher to control the choice of put before students although even here this is not always the case if errors of selection are made however they are largely due to to judge wisely and to a too great deference to general literary taste fit teacher must remember that two points are absolutely essential to any good teaching of literature first that the selection be suited to the possibilities of the individual class that the teacher be qualified so to use and present the selection as to make it effective many conscientious teachers take poems know are regarded as of high merit and which have been used with advantage by other yet which they from temperament or from training are utterly inadequate to handle they either lack the insight and delight in the pieces which are essential if tlie pupils are to be kindled or are deficient in power so to present their own appreciation and enjoyment that these appeal to the | 3 |
children for illustration of one of the ways in which a child may be led into the heart of a poem i have i use of literature chosen the tiger by this belongs to the of literature constantly taken for use with children because it is to be beautiful yet which constantly fails in its appeal to a class it is to me one of the most wonderful in the language yet i doubt if it would ever have occurred to me to use it in our common schools and certainly i should never have dreamed that it was to be presented to children in the lower i do not know with what in general may have used it but in one or two boston schools with which i happen to be fairly well acquainted the effect is pretty justly represented by the mental attitude of the small lad spoken of in the next chapter the extent to which children in a sort of mechanical compliance in what to them are the of their elders in the matter of can hardly be exaggerated doubtless they often unconsciously gain much of which they do not dream in the way of the development of taste and perception but too often the whole of the instruction given along lines over them without producing any permanent effect of value of course i do not contend that not advancing unless they know it early training in literature may often be of the highest without definite consciousness on the part of the child self analysis is no more to be expected here than anywhere else in the early stages of training the child does not in the least comprehend for tales on teaching literature instance that the of mother goose as they are are sense of he does not understand that his imaginative powers are being nourished by the the normal mental food for a certain stage of the development of the individual as it is the natural and inevitable product of a corresponding stage in the development of the race so long as a child genuine interest iii a poem or a tale he is getting something from it but lie does not concern himself to consider anything beyond present enjoyment in the earlier stages at least and for that matter at any stage th e thing to be secured is interest and in the lower school should be confined to what is actually needed to make children enjoy a given piece anything beyond this may wisely be deferred in many of the lower it is now the fashion to have children act out poems the method is spoken of with satisfaction by teachers who have tried it i know nothing of it by experience but should it might be good if not carried too far children are naturally and advantage may be taken of tliis fact to their imagination and to their to literature if seriousness and sincerity are not forgotten in this early work it does not seem to me that much can wisely be done in the study of indeed i have serious doubts whether much in the way of the examination of the of properly has place anywhere in use of literature preparatory schools the child however should be trained gradually to notice by having attention called to passages which are especially musical or impressive by with ringing and strongly and leading on to effects more delicate the teacher may do much in this line i have called this early work because it be directed to making literature a pleasure and an inspiration the word clumsy as it may seem does express the real function of art and the only function which may with any profit be considered in the earlier stages of the study of literature the object is to make the children care for good to show them that poetry has a meaning for them and to awaken in them although they will be from ing the fact a to not be aware that he is being given higher views of life that he is being trained to some perception of nobler aims and possibilities greater than are presented by common experiences but this is what is really being accomplished any training which opens the eyes to the finer side of life is in the best and truest sense inspiration and it should be the distinct aim of the teacher to see to it that whatever else may happen in the lower or in the higher this chief function of the teaching of literature shall not be lost sight of or neglected viii as s to attempt to give a of the method in which any teaching is to be carried on ib in a way to try for the impossible every class and every pupil must be treated according to the especial nature of the case and the personal of the teacher i expose myself to the danger of seeming if i here an experience of ray own and what is of more consequence i may possibly obscure the very points i am to make clear am well as i can however i shall set down an actual talk in the hope that it may afford some hint of the way in which even difficult pieces of literature may be made to appeal to a child of course this is not in the least meant as a model but solely and simply as an illustration i once a fine little fellow of eight what he was doing at school he answered because this happened to be the task which at the moment was most pressing that he was committing to memory william s tiger do you like it i asked oh we don t have to like it he responded with careless frankness we just have to it an illustration the form o his reply appealed to one s sense of | 3 |
humor and i wondered how many of my own students in literature might have ven answers not in spirit had they not the delicious which belongs to the first of a a life the afternoon chanced to be rainy and at my disposal i was curious to see what i could do with this combination of and small boy and made the experiment i should not have chosen the poem for one so young but it is real compact of noble imagination the boy was evidently genuine and a real poem must have something for any sincere reader even if he be a child the following report of our talk was not written down at the time and makes no of being literal it does represent so far as i can judge with substantial accuracy what passed between the straightforward lad and myself too deliberate and too to have place in a it yet gives on an extended scale what i believe is the true method of teaching literature in all the secondary school work i do not claim to have originated or to have discovered the method but i hope that i may be able to make clearer to some teachers how children may be helped to do their own thinking and thus brought to a vital and delighted enjoyment of the they study i began to repeat aloud the opening lines of the poem why said the boy do you know that did talks on teaching literature you have to learn it at when you were little i m not when i did learn it i i ve known it for a good while but i did n t just learn it i like it i repeated the whole poem purposely from giving it very great force even in the supreme st of the fifth tiger tiger bright in forests of tbe night what immortal or could frame thy fearful in what or skies burnt the fire of thine on what wings dare lie what the hand dare the fire and what s ud what could the of heart and when th heart began t beat what dread formed thy dread feet what the what the chain in what was thy brain what the what dread grasp dare its deadly terrors when the stars threw down their and watered heaven with their tears did he smile his work to see did ho who made the lamb make thee it sounds rather pretty i commented aa carelessly as an illustration yes i suppose so he assented looking at me rather he was a shrewd little mortal and he had been often told at school that he should like this and that for which in reality he did not care a button that he was on his guard i made a casual remark about something entirely to the subject it was well that the lad should not feel that he was being instructed then in a manner as natural and easy as i could make it i asked did you ever see a tiger oh yes i ve seen lots of them at the tom never went to but one but i ve been to four what does a tiger look like i went on the he s a fierce looking thing did n t you ever see one yes i ve seen them but i wondered if they looked the same to you as they do to me why how do they look to you i asked you first it s only fair for you to say first well the small boy said with a fine show of being determined to play fair i think they look great big big big cats did you think that that s exactly what i should have said they really are a sort of cat you know did you ever bee a keeper stir them up oh yes sir and they like anything and licked their lips just like this a talks on teaching literature he gave a gratifying imitation and then added if i were the keeper i d keep stirring up all the time they did look mad and they opened and shut their eyes slowly i suggested as if they d like to get hold of their keeper yes and their were just uke green fire burning bright i quoted and then giving the boy to suspect that he was being led on i asked at once did you ever see a cat s eyes in the dark oh i our cat once last summer when we were in the country under a after dark when dick and i got out of the window after we d gone to bed she just me her eyes were just like little green dick said they were like little if it had been a tiger under a bush in the night in the forests of the night oh interrupted the boy witb the eagerness of a is that what it means i did he see a tiger in the night under a bush a real truly tiger all loose i d have nm away t know if he ever saw one i answered i rather think he saw a tiger or a picture of one or thought of one and then got to thinking how it must seem to come across one in the woods when one was travelling say in the east live wild if you came upon one in the forest in i an illustration the dark what do yoa would be the first thing that would tell jou a tiger was near i d hear him did you ever hear a cat moving about no the boy said doubtfully aunt says spot doesn t make any more noise than a could a make a noise she meant that spot did n t make any you d never hear a tiger coming for it a a kind of cat | 3 |
and moves without sound you wouldn t know that way i d see him in the night you couldn t see him yes i could yes i could he cried triumphantly i d see his eyes just like green fire i had interested the lad and taken him far enough to feel sure he would follow me if i helped him on a little faster i was ready to use clear suggestion when i felt that he respond to it as if the thought were his own well i said don t you see that this is just what the man who wrote the poem meant he got to thinking how the tiger would look in the night to anybody that came on him in the forest and saw those eyes like green fires shining at him out of the don t you suppose you or i would think they were pretty big fires if we saw them and knew there was a tiger behind them i guess we should i i do you suppose d run was a sm and water a talks on teaching literature beast in his way but not especially welcome at thia point of the very likely i slid over the the man knew that he would have a feeling how big and strong that tiger must be and it gave mm a shock to think what a fearful thing the beast would be there in the dark with all the warm damp smells of the plants iu the air and the strange noises it would almost take away his breath to think what a mighty being it must have taken to make anything so an ful as a tiger yes the lad so quietly that i let him think a little he had up against my knee and laid hold of my fingers and i knew some sense of the matter was working in him after a moment or two i asked him if he could repeat the first verse of the poem as if he were the man who thought of the tiger in the there with fierce eyes shining out of tlie dark and who had so clear an idea of the mighty creature that he could n t help thinking what a wonderful thing it was that it could be created the boy fixed his eyes on mine as if he were getting moved and half sly desired to be assured that i was utterly serious and sympathetic and in his clear childish voice he repeated in a way tliat had really something of a thrill in it tiger tiger burning bright in tbe forests of the night what immortal hand or e e could frame an illustration if a traveller were in the in the dark night i went on after a word of praise for his i suppose he n t see much around him the trees would be so thick he d have to look up to the sky to see but the tiger s eyes he d see the stars there the boy observed just aa i had hoped he i ve seen stars through the trees i was out in the woods long after once were you really the man must have thought the stars looked like the eyes as if when the animal was made the creator went to the sky itself for that fire think of a being that could rise to the very stars and take their light in his hand the small man cried i should n t want to take fire in my hand the writer of the poem waa thinking what a wonderful being he must be that could do it but that if he could make a creature like the tiger he would be able to do anything the boy reflected a moment and then with a frank look asked did the fire in a tiger s eyes really come out of the stars i don t think that the poem means that it really did was my answer i think it means that when the poet thought how wonderful a tiger is with the life and the shining like a flame in hia eyes and how we cannot tell where that fire came from and that the stars overhead were scarcely brighter it seemed as if that was where the green talks on teaching literature came from he was trying to say how wonderful and terrible it was to when he thought of coming upon the beast all alone in the forest in the night with nobody near to defend him the boy was silent and thinking hard he had evidently not yet clearly grasped all the idea but god didn t a tiger on an and put pieces of stars in for eyes he objected you told me yesterday that like duck he does n t really for a duck goes on the top of the water oh but i meant tliat goes as fast as a duck and you wanted me to know low well he i suppose why of can swim twice as fast as tom s dog you said that about the duck to make me know what a wonderful is and the man who wrote the poem wanted you when you read it to feel how wonderful the tiger seemed to him its eyes as if they were of fire brought from the stars its strength so great that it seemed as if his muscles had been beaten out on an from red hot steel by some being mighty enough to do something no man could begin to do the poem does n t mean that a tiger was really made in this way but it does mean that when you think of the strength and of the creature able to carry o e a man or even a horse in its this is the beat way to give an idea of | 3 |
how terrible the animal seemed an illustration the boy accepted and so we came to tbe fifth verse the range of ideas here is so much beyond the mind of any child that it was necessary to suggest most of them to go very slowly and in the end to be content with a inadequate notion of the magnificent conception i gave frankly a suggestion of the creation of all the animals at the beginning and of how the angels might have stood around like stars watching full of interest and of kindness the boy was easily made to feel as if he had seen the making o the deer and the lamb and the horse and of how the angels might see in one or another of the animals a help or a friend to man then suppose i said that the angels should see god make the great tiger royal and terrible wliat would they see oh a great fierce thing the lad returned do you suppose he d jump right at the deer and he make the angels think how he could how different from the other he d be yes he d have big big sharp teeth and he d lash his tail and he d put out his claws do you suppose he d his claws the way does on the leather chairs very likely he would i said at any rate the angels would think bow the other animals would he torn to pieces if the tiger got hold of them and they would think of what would happen to men perhaps they would imagine some poor talks on teaching literature woman with her baby on her back going a path iu the and how the tiger leap out suddenly and tear them both to pieces the angels could n t how god could bear to make any animal so cruel or bow ke could be willing to have anything so wicked in the world they would be sorry for all the suffering that was to come that they would throw down their and not be able to keep back the tears but angels would n t have would they i went to a shelf of the library in which we were talking and took down a volume in which i found a picture of st michael in full it is like the fire from the stars i said of course nobody ever saw an angel to know bow he would look but to show bow strong and powerful an angel might be a good many men that make pictures have painted them like knights but men that had would n t cry i should n t think angels would even the strongest men cry my boy only it has to be something tremendous to make them a thing that would make the angels water heaven with their tears must be something bo terrible that you could n t tell how sad it was well anyway i d rather be a tiger than a lamb he proclaimed rather unexpectedly very likely i assented but i think yon d rather have a lamb come after baby than a tiger illustration oh i n t want a tiger to get baby he cried with a tremor i suppose that is the way the angels might feel at the idea of the tiger s killing anybody i rejoined with a lad somewhat older one have gone on to develop the thought that to the watching the tiger leaping fierce and from the hand of the creator would be like the of evil and that in their weeping was represented all the sorrowful problem of the of evil in the universe but this on the present occasion i did not touch upon so the angels i went on couldn t keep back their tears but what did god do why he smiled the boy answered evidently with astonishment at the thought which now for the first time came home to him i should n t think he d have smiled when you were so disappointed the other day because the carriage was broken and you could n t go over to the lake in it do you remember that uncle jo laughed oh he know we could go in his he knew yes he knew began the boy and so he stopped and looked at me with a sudden what did god know he asked seriously he must have known that somehow everything was right don t you think he knew why he had made the tiger just as he knew why he had made talks on teaching literature lamb and bo he could see that would be as it should be in the end but but the boy waa in face of the eternal problem as so many greater and wiser have been before him it seemed to me that we had done quite enough for once so i broke off the talk with a that we the boy s favorite game that was the end of the matter for the time but in the library of the lad a father the copy of ia ao at the page on which the tiger is printed that it ia evident that the boy with the boiled fingers of hia age has turned it often how much he made out of the talk i cannot pretend to say but at least he came to love the poem i said at the tliat i do not give the conversation which is actual as a but as an illustration the poem called for more leading on of the pupil than would many for as is one of the most imaginative of english writers his are the more subtle and profound a class moreover cannot be treated always with the same deliberation as that which is natural in the case of a single child but the essential principle i | 3 |
he that in literature is not simple and obvious fidelity to tlie specific fact or event he to appreciate that the truth of art like the of lies in its accuracy in representing truth in the abstract he to appreciate the of the nursery question which asked only for the literal fact and he begins to comprehend something of the au excellent illustration for practical use is a poem like how they brought the good news j from to any live wholesome boy is sure to with the swing and of the verse the sense of the open air the excitement the doubt the hope the climax it is easy to lead the class on to consider how such an experience would be and to go on from this to point out that the poem does not describe a literal actual occurrence but that it is a expression of the zest and of a superb all but ride with the added excitement of being responsible for the freedom or even the lives of the folk of a whole city the first feeling of the class on learning that a ride was not taken is sure to be one of disappoint ment it is better to meet this frankly and to for it by interest in the em talks on teaching literature of feeling one great source of the lack of interest in literature at the present time is that the material practical character of the age makes it difficult for the general reader to respect anything but the fact literature is apt to present itself to the hard headed young fellow of the public school as a lot of make stuff and at best a matter of rather frivolous ent the way of this common attitude of mind is to the appreciation of wliat fact in art really means to cultivate a clear perception of how a poem or a tale may be the truest thing in the world although with imaginary personages and with incidents never happened ah an of the sense in which literature is a sort of of human feeling somewhat more remote from the ordinary life of a child may be taken another poem of s the lost leader my experience is that most youth of the school age start out by being able to little or nothing of this by a little however beginning perhaps as simply as with the way in which a lad feels when a school fellow he had faith in has failed in a crisis has for some personal ge gone over to the other party in a school election or of how the class would feel if some teacher who had been with the students in some effort to obtain an extension of privilege to which the scholars felt themselves to be honestly entitled had for see ms purposes swung over to the opposite side the whole thing may be home the may be led on to imagine what are the feelings of a youth eager for the cause of freedom and the of man when one whom he looked to as a leader one in whom he has had absolute faith deserts the rank for honors or for money once the young minds are on the right track it is by no means impossible to bring them to see pretty clearly that in the poem is not the question o a particular man or a particular cause but that is dealing with a universal expression of the pain that would come to any man to any one of them in believing that the leader who had been most trusted and had in reality been unworthy and had betrayed the cause his followers believed he would gladly die to defend these two examples from i have taken almost at and not because they are unusual in this respect for this quality is the universal property of all real literature and indeed is one of the t ts by which real literature is to be identified any selection which it is worth while to give v at all must have this relation which i have called but of which the true name imaginative and it is certainly one of the import ant parts of anything which in a high sense is properly to be called teaching literature to make the scholars realize and appreciate this the next step is more difficult because far more and i confess frankly that it is all but i talks on teaching literature impossible to propose formal instruction may deal with ia the aim o ture is largely the attempt to produce a mood the prime aim of the is to induce in the reader a of feeling which will lead inevitably to the reception of whatever he offers in the same mood in which be offers it in the simplest cases no is needed for even with school boys a ringing to take a simple and obvious example has somewhat the same effect as the dashing swing of martial music whoever comes under its influence falls into the frame of mind in which the ideas of the verse should be received the thoughts are accepted in the spirit in which they were written and the effects of the are as great or greater than the influence of the meaning it is a commonplace to call attention to the part which the melody of poetry or the of prose plays in the effect hut how to aid pupils to a to this language of form is not the least of the problems of the teacher the means by which an author or his mood do not always appeal to lie young indeed beyond a certain limited extent they appeal to most only after careful cultivation in the understanding of art language it is as idle to suppose that literature appeals to everybody and without education aa it is to suppose that or | 3 |
music will surely meet with a response everywhere nobody expects s ninth or s passion music to arouse in accidentally school children yet to all the pupils in a mixed public school are offered the parallel works of shakespeare and milton unless a class is made up of boys or girls with or wisely and carefully ti to to effect it seems hai less idle to offer them or it would be to expect them to enjoy a classic concert the language of form in the higher range of literature is to them an unknown tongue children are likely to be susceptible to marked effects as witness their love of mother goose but to the more delicate music of verse they are often largely or completely a musical ear is not it is probable to be created but it is certainly possible to develop the sense children who are born with good native to often are so badly trained or so neglected aa to seem t o have none and it is part of the office of instruction to call out whatever powers lie in them latent this is largely a by the sort of use of literature which i have called in the ideal home training children are so taken on from the of the nursery to more advanced literature that development of the is continuous and inevitable but one of th things which every teacher knows best is that this sort of is rare and the work must be done in the class the substitute is a poor one but it has at talks on teaching literature least some degree of the universal human to to appeal to f another difficulty is that children have to learn the verbal language o literature much of the v i atmosphere of a poem for instance is likely to be produced by bu by the mention of legend or tale or hero when the reader must find in previous knowledge and association a key to what is intended all this is likely to be largely or entirely lost on children and yet this is often the very of what the author tries to convey children are constantly at the same disadvantage in understanding literature that they are in life they have not gathered the or experienced the emotions which make so large a part of the language of great writers all this renders it difficult for the to be sure that bis class has any even of the mood in which a piece is intended yet he must first of all be sure that as far as is possible he has put them each pupil according to his character and in touch with the spirit of the work to be studied this cannot be done entirely we cannot hope that a lad of a dozen years will enter into all the emotions all the passions of the great poets he may however be interested and thrilled by or the tempest or the merchant of he does not get from these plays all that his elders might get any more than he would perceive the full meaning and passion of a tremendous situation in real life but he does get some portion of the message some of and heights of human nature even if he find no more than simple enjoyment he is gaining unconsciously and he is obviously a love for good literature the question of what is in school i study of literature is of much importance and it is of no less difficulty certainly it is not merely the mastery of of language the of or the examination of historical facts in these things as has already been said may be in learning about literature but not in the study of literature itself consideration of the average of pupils in secondary schools makes it fairly evident it seems to me that the study of in any of its phases cannot in these classes bo carried very far without the danger of its into the most lifeless and perhaps in nothing else is the tact and judgment of the teacher so well shown as in the decision how far it is wise to carry study along particular lines have never encountered a class even in ray college work which i could lave set to the recommended in a book for teachers of literature which the students of the high school on the relations in the plays of shakespeare of to character whatever that may mean neither should i set them to distinguish as is advised by another text book between the kinds of imagination employed a i ke talks on teaching literature c poetical imperative or i could not indeed do much with subjects from the simple fact that i do not myself know what questions mean and still less could i answer them each however must decide for himself and with every class decide anew no fixed standard can be established bat each case must be settled on its own merits are at present held to be an part of the machinery of education and whether wo do or do not believe this to be true we are as teachers forced to accept them especially ia it incumbent on teachers in the secondary schools to pay much attention to pupils to these and to preparing them to go through them many as has been said already become so completely the slaves to this process that they confine their efforts to it entirely and few are able to prevent its taking undue importance in their work and in the minds of their the principle be kept in that no examination is of real value for itself in tha training of youth and that to study for it directly and is fatal to all the higher uses of the study of literature or of ing else of and advancement are necessary but they should be regarded as and no | 3 |
of are sure to be impressed by two things by the expression of thoughts obviously individual and by the evidence of clear thinking if these two qualities an the chances of its passing muster are so large that exact formal knowledge counts for little in comparison all teachers who are in earnest try to put as little stress on as x talks on teaching literature is possible under conditions but not all keep clearly in mind the fact that the best remedy for possible harm is the cultivation of the student s individuality the question of in for entrance is a difficult one and it is one which has been largely answered by the papers set by the it is natural that teachers who are entirely aware tliat own largely depend upon the success of the they send up should endeavor to train their classes in the especial line of writing which seems best to suit the ideas of the principle of selection is not it to me a sound one but it is inevitable the one thing which may be done is to make the topics selected as human and aa j as possible to insist that the boy or girl who is writing of lady or hamlet shall make the strongest effort possible to realize the character as a real being shall as far as possible take the attitude of writing concerning some person about whom are known the facts set down in the play this is less difficult it sounds and while it is never entirely possible for a child to realize lady as if she were a neighbor most children can go much farther in this direction than is generally appreciated the plot of novel or play are seldom satisfactory satisfactorily to the story of a work of any length requires more literary than can possibly be expected in a ex a l it is far better to set the wits of children to work to in the stories as they are originally written to imagine what and his wife had said to each other he goes to the chamber of in the second act for instance or tlie talk between and after the visit in which disclosed himself as the girl s father these are not easy subjects and it is not to be expected that the grade of work produced will be high but it is at least likely to bo original and genuine description is a into which it is easy for teacher or pupil to fall it generally means the more or less conscious imitation of passages from the reading or a sort of ei y of scraps in which sentences of the author are together in the highest good work may sometimes be obtained by asking pupils to describe the setting of a scene in a play but this is far too for most classes examination of ter of or of motives best for work in connection with literary study to make literary study subordinate to the practice of composition is wrong yet in many schools this is done in practice even if it is not justified in theory children should be taught to write by other means than by in connection with the of literature the old cry against using paradise lost and the of hamlet as exercises in might well be repeated with talks on teaching literature added emphasis of the modern fashion of making shakespeare and milton mere to a course in composition the written work is of course to be corrected where it is but its chief purpose should never be anything outside of the better understanding and appreciation of the authors read in a brief sensible on methods of teaching of novels may cook remarks there is another point which i should like to make for the of character though with some hesitation since there is room for of opinion it it is this that the study of character leads directly to the exercise of the moral instinct whether we like it or not it is true that the school boy even the boy and much more the l will raise the question is it right and is it wrong and that we must either answer or these q my own feeling about it is that irrepressible moral instinct was included hy providence partly for the purpose of making a special diversion in favor of the english teacher a boy will read scenes in through a dozen times for the sake of deciding whether or lady was chiefly responsible for tlie murder of when be will read only once for the story and extra zeal is not so much because be wants to satisfy a ci for facts as because lie fixing praise or blame my with tlie sir de papers has been that the class failed to get any imaginative grasp of them until i frankly appealed to the moral instinct by asking what did mean to teach in this paper did the century reed that lesson and do we still need it by that process the class have finally reached a grasp of sir which has given them foi to write a theme on sir at an afternoon tea my own definition of imagination is evidently not that of the writer and i am not able to agree that this appeal to the moral instinct anything other than an understanding hut that point is unimportant here the thing which is to be noted is that on the moral side children may be to think and in regard to the characters and the of the plays and the novels read the teacher in choosing for written work must of course be careful to avoid topics which have already been considered in the book itself in a novel by for all possible moral issues are likely to be bo discussed and by the as to leave little room for the thought of the | 3 |
reader to itself but in all the plays of shakespeare and in the fiction of moat of the masters the opportunities are ample the supreme test of any subject which is to be given to students in their written work is whether it is one upon which it is reasonable to suppose they can and will have thought which is individual and therefore original if it were necessary to make nice distinctions between that which is and that which is not part of the study of literature as an art one must go much further than this the writing of however is part of the side of the work the main thing is talks on teaching literature to be sure that it is not dwelt upon more than is necessary and that it is within the range of the personal experience oi the student if teachers feel compelled to set their classes to write formal and lifeless on topics such as too often appear in examination papers they will do well to keep io mind that this is not the study of literature but a process which the power of appreciation and intelligent comprehension by mechanical imitation x in connection with the subject of this chapter i may mention a device which may not be without practical value in secondary school it a means of discovering how well the is succeeding in grasping general principles and in making actual application of them while at the same time it should impress upon him the y v fact that he is not studying merely a series of but the nature and qualities of literature on an examination paper in year english at the of was put this test it is assumed that the student never read tlie following extract state w hat seem its excellent points a of li of c ot to this was added a brief extract from some standard author the opening statement was made in order that the class should understand the to he not from any required reading but from some work entirely the points of excellence only were asked for order to fix attention on merits and indirectly to strengthen so far as might be the perception of the importance of looking in literature for merits rather than for defects it is undoubtedly proper that scholars should be able to perceive defects but this power is beat trained by them to be sensitive and to the necessities of time made it impossible to put upon the papers of which i am speaking of much length and the class were told that not was expected in comment upon the thought expressed the of tlie question that of seeing how the y were able to apply such principles as they had learned was also frankly put they were warned against and statements then they were left to their own devices the results were all suggestive and of course were of widely varying degrees of merit a few may be given chosen i confess from those more interesting on one paper were the opening lines of the second book of paradise lost high oil a throne of state which tar tha of and of ind or where the gorgeous east with richest hand showers on her kings and gold exalted sat see page talks on literature among the were these of tbe of this selection we may say that it is good the selection of words ia especially forcible gorgeous east and richest hand are extremely so but what i consider a fine use of a word is the word here we can see the early inhabitants of the rich of the east the inhabitants ignorant of the value of their wealth throwing it around as we would the pebbles on a beach the thought and the imagination are good we can see before us the vividly picture there sits satan high above his surrounding in such rich and dazzling magnificence that it even the richest kings of the richest part of the world the best point of the consists iu placing the description first and not tbe thought until the last hue thus keeping the reader in suspense and causing careful attention to be put on all the sentence the words high throne royal and exalted combine to bring out the thought of satan a majesty the thought of unbounded wealth ia brought out by tbe use of the word showers in tbe third line the author is able to give a much more vivid idea o the magnificence of the throne by letting us the throne to suit ourselves than by giving a detailed description and leaving nothing to the imagination even the materials are only the whole idea being one of wealth and splendor the choice of words is one of the best points in the of the quotation the arrangement also adds emphasis all the descriptions of the throne are so vivid that the mind is deeply impressed by the splendor and richness of the throne the gorgeous east ia expressive of wealth and beauty with this ai of words the piece becomes veiy striking and the choice of the strongest is shown too in with the whole sentence whereas on the other hand if any other arrangement been much of the force of these words would have been lost the of the extract is to describe the great wealth and beauty with which satan is surrounded the writer must lave a very vivid imagination to describe such a scene of wealth and beauty the first word high appeals directly to the imagination and immediately gives the impression of power these answers were written by boys had not been called upon to do anything of the sort before and while their is evident enough they are genuine and are sound as far as they go of com se after such a test the first business of the teacher is to go over the selection | 3 |
and to show how he would have answered the question the class is then ready to appreciate qualities which might be to them in vain before they have set their minds to the problem in the examples i have given no one has touched for instance upon the suggest of the words and ind but very little is needed to make them see this after thej have had the passage in an examination paper a couple of examples dealing with the first two of s destruction of may be by way of showing how a different selection was treated talks on teaching literature the first thing i noticed in reading the t was the perfect you cannot read the extract without to say it aloud then the choice of struck me the of their when is green it is hard for me to distinguish workman thought and imagination i cannot tell whether the words and used in the extract were the result of deliberate choice and of long thought but i strongly suspect that he the whole thing in his imagination and the just came to him it is hard to understand how anything that reads so smoothly could have been written with labor the strongest point of the extract seems to be its richness in illustration tlie came down hke the wolf on tlie fold no long detailed description could explain better the of such an attack the sudden of some half striking suddenly and then disappearing into the night the of the was like stars on the sea the flash from a spear would be just such a gleam as the reflected star from the crest of a wave visible for a moment and then gone some of its excellent points of are melody and selection of words the melody is excellent it has a soothing effect when read aloud and there is not a place where one would hesitate in regard to the of words i the melody ia so good that a person only knowing the of the first line could almost read the rest of it correctly the sound of each line is so closely connected with that of all other lines the selection of words is very good there ia not a place where a could he made which would improve the meaning sense or melody the extract shows great thought in the last paragraph especially where tlie are compared to the leaves of and in no better bring out more how badly the host was defeated in the first paragraph it also the to a wolf coming down upon a this gives a definite idea and seems to point out how confident they were of victory the imagination is very vivid yon can almost think yon were on the field and that all the events were taking place before yon i have copied these partly to the point that it is idle to expect too much and partly to illustrate the form in which genuine perception is likely to work out upon a school these have not been chosen as the best papers written but each is good because each sincere this sort of question is of course in the i what ia constantly done in class but it is after all a different thing when it is made to the idea that an examination is a test of the power to appreciate literature instead of an exercise of memory xi the study of method iii teaching is properly the ef the personality of a given teacher to the of a given class it cannot be defined by hard and fast rules and the only value in present ing such illustrations as the following is that they may afford hints which teachers will be able with advantage to develop in terms of their own individuality the way that is wise in one is never to be set down as the way best for another and here as elsewhere i not a model but simply an illustration if it suggest it has fulfilled a better purpose than if it were taken blindly as a rigid guide my own feeling would be that classes in literature should be provided with nothing but the bare text without notes of any kind unless with a of terms not to be found in available of reference in the matter of looking up difficulties the books of reference in the school library should bo used aud if the school has no library beyond the dictionary i should still hold to my opinion the may be very largely worked out with any fairly comprehensive dictionary and what cannot be discovered in this way is better taken the study of prose in than swallowed from without even the of asking much will be done moreover by the not spirit of which is sure to exist where the pupils are set to use their wits and to report the result in class they will remember much better and what in general education is of the very first importance they will have admirable practice in the use of books of reference many difficulties must be explained by the teacher but this i insist is better than the following of notes a habit which is sure to into lifeless the model text for school use be in those few passages not suited for the school room be clearly printed and would be as free as possible from any outside matter whatever in the case of poetry the ideal method would be to keep the text out of the hands of the student altogether until all work necessary to the of the had been done but in practice such voluntary reading as a pupil chose to do beforehand would do no harm other than possibly to his attention from the learning of the meaning of words and phrases in prose he will generally be in a key which allows the interruption of a | 3 |
pause for looking up words much injury to the effect of the work the study of prose is of course directed by same principles as that of poetry but the tion is in school work somewhat modified in details in the first place the of any prose used talks on literature in tbe is not likely to contain words as are found in shakespeare and in the second place the length of a its read aloud in in its i have taken my illustrations chiefly from books included in tho because these books are the ones with which the majority of teachers are obliged to work the sir de papers are sure to be taken up in any school room where literature is studied to day and on is one of the inevitable obstacles in the way of every boy who wishes to enter college whatever the work however the thing is that pupil shall understand shall appreciate and shall connect what he reads with his own life the in w hi ch works are taken up in class is a matter of much no rules can be given to govern the arrangement of the since much depends upon the class to be dealt with on general principles for instance it might seem that s speech as being the least imaginative of the prescribed work might well come first but on the other hand the argument demands intellectual capacity and maturity which will often require that it be not put before a given group of scholars until they have had all the training they can gain from the other a can hardly afford to have any rule in the treatment of literature is not so that it may be modified or tbe study of prose entirely circumstances require the ideal method perhaps would be to give a class first a few short pieces as and then to arrange their longer work upon the of the result if the speech is to be taken up first or last it must be preceded by a clear understanding of the h y of t h e conditions ft dealt this knowledge should have been obtained in the history class and the use of facts obtained in another branch affords one of the opportunities for doing that useful thing which should be kept always in sight the of the fact that ail is one although for convenience of handling necessarily divided into various branches if the class has not had the requisite instruction in history the teacher of english is forced to pause and supply the deficiency as it is hopeless to try to go on without it the argument of is pretty tough work for any class of high school students and without familiarity with the circumstances which called it forth ia utterly unintelligible the vo of contains few words which need to be studied and tl it ia perhaps better to treat the speech as so far a logical rather than an imaginative work that without other preparation than a thorough mastery of the circumstances under which it was delivered and of the political issues with which it dealt the class may be given the text directly in the first reading the thing to be is the intelligent comprehension of the language and of the argument talks on teaching literature in the dozen for instance passages as these be made perfectly clear i hope sir that the of the your good nature will incline you to degree of indulgence toward human the grand bill to us from the house we are not at all embarrassed unless we please to make ourselves so by any mixture of and restraint from being blown about by every wind of fashionable doctrine this is clear enough in meaning but the class should notice the of the phrase which that a good deal of the political which has complicated the question of tlie treatment of the colonies has been like the of those who run after every fresh offered in the name of religion i really did not think it safe or manly to have fresh principles to seek upon every fresh mail that should arrive from america it is in your to parliament having an ed view of objects a situation which i will not which i dare not name that the public never too indulgent to a long and opposition would now oar conduct with unusual severity we must produce our hand somewhat the study of prose the whole is with passages such as these and it is the habit of too many to expect the student to depend upon notes for the solution of such i have already indicated that i believe this to be an unwise and process and in a political document of this sort a for difficulties may well be undertaken when in an imaginative work more latitude may be allowed in the way of sliding over them the reading of the speech as a whole could hardly be attempted with any profit until the class has mastered its and its logic the in this from more imaginative literature here it la not only proper but necessary to make analysis part of the first reading the class should for make a summary of t he as it goes forward for each paragraph should be devised a single sentence which gives ly and the thought so that at the conclusion a complete skeleton shall have been made each student should make these sentences for himself as part of his preparation of a lesson and from a comparison in the class the final form may be selected some of the school do this admirably hut one of two things seems to me either the speech is too difficult for students to handle or they should make their own to do this part of the work for them is to deprive the study of its most valuable element the best justification such | 3 |
a selection talks on teaching literature can have for in the list of required books is that it may fairly be used for this careful work without prejudice to the of the piece as a whole in other words no objection exists to treating this especial selection first from the purely intellectual point of view to consider a play of shakespeare first would seem to me utterly wrong but this argument of is addressed to the reason rather than to the imagination and would therefore be so read beside the mere interpretation of difficult passages the pupil should be made to discern and to c we the value an d effect the admirable in which the orator has whole trains of logic the of the weak are the of fear a wise and neglect the power of refusal the first of all the voluntary flow of up plenty all government indeed every human benefit and enjoyment every virtue and every prudent act is founded on compromise and the study of phrases of this sort is admirable training for the reasoning faculties of the scholar it the powers of reading and it may be made a continuous lesson in the nature and value of literary of study of literary i shall speak later here it is sufficient to point the necessity at once and the advantage the study of prose of dwelling on these vital thoughts so admirably expressed by the time the has been gone through with and a summary of each paragraph made in the class a skeleton is ready from which the argument may be considered as a whole la some schools students will be able to from an historical point of view and any intelligent boy to whom the is given for study should be able to judge of the logic of the plea if the speech is to justify its claim to being literature in the higher sense however it is not possible to stop with the intellectual study the question of what is better taken up it seems to me near the end of the course of secondary work if it is to come in at all but preparation for dealing with that question must come all along the line when has been studied for his political his argument up and examined the intellectual force of the parts and of the whole sufficiently considered then it is necessary to look at the na qualities of the work i would never set children to examine any piece of prose or verse tor any qualities until i was sure they understood what they are to look for if they are fo examine the for imaginative passages they must first know clearly what an imaginative passage is here the previous training of the is to be reckoned with some classes must be taught the significance of the term talks on teaching literature by having the passages pointed out to them and then others are so far advanced as to be able to discover them the thing i wish to is that when the simply intellectual study has far enough the imaginative must follow passages which may be used here are such as these mj plan does not propose to fill your with colony agents who will require tlie of your at every to keep peace among them it does not a magnificent of where come to general by bidding against each until yon knock down the and determine a proportion of beyond all powers of to and settle is the strength with which population shoots in that part of the world that state the numbers as high as we will whilst the continues the ends look at the manner in which the people of new england have of late on the whale whilst we follow among the tumbling mountains of ice and behold penetrating into the deepest frozen recesses of bay and strait whilst we are looking for them beneath the circle we bear that they have pierced into the opposite region of cold that they are at the and engaged under the frozen serpent of the south island which seemed too remote and romantic an object for the grasp of national ambition is but a stage and resting place in the progress of their victorious not is the heat more to them than the winter of both poles we know that some of them draw the line and strike the on the coast of africa others run the and pursue their gigantic game along the coast of no sea hut is by their no climate that is not of their toils a people who are as it were hut in the and not yet hardened into the of manhood passages o this are frequent in the aiid it is dot difficult to make the pupils not only recognize them but appreciate the quality them from th matter of fact statements of es or other necessary information a step further is to the see how the imagination shows in a passage like t he famous sentence i do not know the method of drawing up an against a whole people these dozen or so words may be made the subject for an lesson and if this seem a extravagant amount of time to give to a single line i can only say that to do one thing is not only better than to do a score but in the long run it is economy of time as well if the class can he led to discuss the meaning of the phrase and the principles upon which rested the argument which is behind this superb proposition not only will the hour have been well talks on teaching literature spent in developing the ideas of the students but the whole will he wonderfully illuminated when to this is added an adequate understanding of the imaginative grasp which the personality of a ho e nation its majesty | 3 |
communicated except by the of such passages as that quoted above student should bring to the class a statement of what he regards as the chief thought in each paper as it comes up not the moral of the paper but the chief end which the writer seems to have in view the thought which most strongly strikes the reader opinions be talked over in class and from them one produced which at least the majority of the class are willing to accept no pupil however should be discouraged from holding to his own original proposition or from a view at with that of the majority always if possible and personally i should make it possible even at the sacrifice of other things the paper should last of all be read as a hole without interruption the fact should always be kept before the minds of the that the essay is not a collection of detached facts or thoughts but it is a whole and that it can fairly be received only in its to stretch out illustrations of the teaching of particular books would only be tedious and trust i have enough to make evident what i believe the study of prose should be the spirit of work done in the of prose in the secondary schools the matter is of comparative simplicity as contrasted with the handling of poetry and i have therefore reserved most of my space for the latter no one knows better than i that a method real and work and what i have written be i largely inspired by a knowledge that many are at a loss to any rational method at all while others i am forced sorrowfully to add seem never even to have perceived that any method is i j xii the study op the may be the entrance and whatever the prescribed course in the way of fiction i should begin the study o the novel with a modern b to hold the attention of the majority of modem children long enough for them to form any of the and of any work of the length of an ordinary novel long enough for them to gain an idea which of the work as a whole and not as a collection of detached scenes and scraps is sufficiently difficult in any case it should not be made more difficult by selecting as a text a book requiring effort in the understanding of point of view setting and the rest is good in its place but it is not adapted to use as first aid to the it ia probable that a class after sufficient experience in fiction may be able to handle and it is apparently fated by the powers that be that they must struggle with the of but they certainly need preliminary practice before they are set to with so remote from their daily lives they should begin with something as near their own world as possible and treasure island the scene laid in the land of boyhood s is the study of the novel an example of the sort of story which may well be used to introduce to the serious consideration of thia branch of literature a li talk may well the actual reading the teacher should be that the class has a fair idea of what is a matter generally of little difficulty and of the social conditions under which the tale begins the actual geography of the romance need not he considered much although students lose nothing if they are trained to the habit of knowing accurately the of such real places as are named in any but the imaginary geography of the tale the of the island should be well mastered beyond this the teacher should have prepared a list of words to be learned before any reading is done this should include all those in the first that are likely to bother the child in the first going over of the text in the opening chapter for instance such words as these title of part i bars dry m in this chapter are a couple of allusions to the costume of the time but as they are intelligible only when as sentences they may be left for the reading in class talks on teaching literature one of of hia having fallen down the neat bright with lis powder as white as snow when the class comes together the is to be taken up as a solid and task and after that ia of the text may follow it is generally impossible to give the time to the reading aloud of an entire novel but i am inclined to believe that at the opening chapters the portion of the story which must be most deliberately considered if the young reader is to go on with the tale in full possession of the atmosphere and the characters as they are introduced should always be thus taken up the portions for each lesson must be at first but may wisely increase as the interest grows and familiarity with personages and situations is enlarged the first chapter then having been read aloud the class may make a list of the characters introduced squire dr the old not yet named the father the i who is telling the story the who brings the chest and the neighbors are obviously of no permanent importance these characters the class should e so much of an impression as they have obtained from this chapter this is simple with the fairly easy in regard to dr and the inn keeper but more difficult in the case of the boy the paragraph beginning how that personage haunted my dreams i need scarcely tell you the study of the novel and the opening sentence of the following paragraph but i was so terrified by the idea of the man with one leg i was far less | 3 |
of invention on the part of the author children that the book a fiction but they prefer to this it is not well to make the fact part of the instruction the way to handle this to dwell upon the skill with which he d particulars and passed in his narrative from one party to another so as to have each incident clear pupils may be reminded of how easy it is to mix the details of a story so as to the or the reader and thus may be made to appreciate to some degree the cleverness of the which so the work of more subtle in a way and yet not beyond the comprehension of the boy is the part which plays in events and the story the and the curiosity of jim from the adventure of the apple barrel to the saving of the ship are in the tale and equally the cleverness and of silver shape the events of the story from beginning to end one more illustration may be taken from the novel which is so generally included in high school english scott s here it is necessary to prepare for the story by the of a certain amount of history it is perhaps as well to take the first five of the opening chap five in the some school for what reason i da not live begins this state of things i it to talks on teaching literature ter as a preliminary and to treat it as pore and in preparation for this lesson the wing should be mastered n of wars of tlie inferior gentry or the duke william of of laws of the chivalry a few other expressions such as petty kings should be looked after in the reading lest the class get a false impression the g of the river don and of may be passed over but it is perhaps better especially in this historical preliminary to require full accuracy in this particular to my thinking all this should be looked up by the and never taken from notes to the text the five in which scott gives the historic background should be taken frankly as a piece of work out of which the class is to make as clear a conception of the period of the aa possible the pupils should use their common sense and their intelligence in studying it getting all out the study op the novel of it that they can get then it d be read aloud in the class aud carefully gone over the aim should be to have understood as clearly as possible what were the political and the social conditions of the time when the events of the are represented aa taking place such other historic personages as enter into the story without being mentioned in this preliminary sketch should be brought into this thus when king and pi john and hood the come upon the stage the student will be prepared for the effect which the intended and will have moreover that pleasure which a young reader always feels in finding himself equal to an occasion this preliminary work being accomplished the rest of the book will probably have to be largely assigned for home reading the opening chapters however and the most asking scenes must certainly be read aloud in class a sufficient portion for a lesson will be assigned each day a list of words for that portion will be given out with it to be learned first no teacher will suppose i fancy that in every case a student will master the before he reads the selection but the principle ia sound and the words would at least be all taken up in class before any reading is done students should be told to read the selection aloud at home and should come to the class acquainted with the meaning and significance of each passage or ed to about them talks on teaching literature at the of the novel when the reader is learning the situation and the characters concerned the must be shorter than in the latter part of the when are and the current of the tale runs more swiftly the remainder of the first chapter from the paragraph beginning the was setting is quite enough for a first the following words make up the preliminary of rational quarter the method of treating the fiction itself has been sufficiently indicated in the previous illustration from treasure island but may be briefly touched upon in this chapter of are d two characters both are described at some length hut in the case of both important touches here and there add to the impression is said at the beginning to be stem and sad and in the talk the reasons come out the mother of mischief confound the of the forest that cats the os our dogs and makes them unfit tor their trade little is left as but the air we breathe and that appears to have been reserved with much hesitation solely the study of the novel for the purpose of as to endure the tasks they lay upon our of in the dangerous freedom with he speaks to and of how ing thia is we are made aware when the says to bim i know thou me a fool or thou not be bo rash in putting thy head into my mouth one word to front de thou on one of these trees as a terror to all evil against of the superstition of we have proof by his fear at the mention of the wilt thou talk of such things while a terrible storm of thunder and lightning is raging within a few miles of u here is a fairly satisfactory portrait of although other traits of character are developed as the book goes forward at the end of the the attention of the may be directed to the skilful way in which at | 3 |
the very start scott has struck in the words of the of the oppression of the and the hatred for them in the hearts of the but a point of this sort should not be anticipated it will tell for more if it is left until it has had its full effect and its place as a part of the whole romance may be clearly shown one last word i cannot bring myself to omit i have said elsewhere that i in the draw talks on teaching literature of morals and at the risk of i to this in connection with fiction the temptation here is especially strong it is so easy to draw a moral from any tale ever written that two classes of teachers those morally over con and those are almost sure to insist that their classes shall drag a moral lesson out of every story the habit seems to me thoroughly vicious it is proper to make the character of the persons in the novel as vivid aa possible the villain may be made as hateful to god and to man as the testimony of the author will in any way allow but when that is done the children should be left to draw their own morals they should not even be allowed to know that the teacher is aware that a moral may be drawn and still less should they be asked to discover one if they draw a moral themselves or ask questions about one this is well bo long as they are sincere and spontaneous if they are left entirely to themselves in this they will in a healthy natural fashion get from the story such moral instruction as they are capable of by and they will not be put into that attitude human nature takes when it is preached to the op how i conceive the study of poetry may be managed in school work i have already indicated somewhat fully but example is often worth a dozen abstract statements in the literary work of almost every high school is now included the study of at least one play and as is so generally selected as the one to be first taken up i have chosen that as an the study of any play aa i have said should begin with a r ed t that the class master the ry the should be made to under that the need of doing this is precisely the same as the need of learning common speech tor the sake of the talk of every day life or of the of french before going to the theatre to hear a play in that language the scholars should be told frankly that this will not be particularly easy work but that it is to be taken in the same spirit that one learned the table no harm can come of letting the class expect this part of the work to bo full harder than it really is and at least it is well to have students understand that they are expected to labor to st themselves for the enjoyment of literature talks on teaching literature in this preparation the aim is to make it possible for the readers to go on with the text without important this purpose what words and es shall be taken up some may safely and wisely be left for the second reading of the play and as it is well in these days not to expect too much of the industry of youth the teacher will do well to keep the list of words to be mastered as short as may be the whole play be prepared for before any of it is read but i give only examples from the first act i should each teacher to vary the list at his pleasure that in the first act the following words should be dealt with the numbers of the lines are those of the temple edition this occurs in the stage directions of scene ii the class will see at once that it from alarm and can be made to appreciate how from the strong rolling of the r m came to this form that the latter form is now used in the sense of a warning sound and especially in the sense of s of trumpet or drum to announce the coming of a military body or the escort of importance affords a good example of the manner in which are established in the language a quotation or two may help to fix the word in mind oar stem changed to richard hi i and when she is it not an to love ii the study of the dread make the earth to its centre old and ii it may be enough to give simply tlie fact that the first of these uncouth words means and the second heavy armed irish troops if the teacher likes however he may add a brief mention of the passage from the the and bee ia armed with a a shirt of and a axe his service in the field is good against nor able to an encounter of yet the irish do make great account of them the of ireland are next in request the very and of the a generation of not worthy to five these be tliey that live by and the poor that him many times to boy bread to give unto them though he want for himself and his children these are they that are ready to run out with every and these are the very of hell fit for nothing but for the gallows now irish ii this word may be made interesting by its close connection with the saxon was originally a then the king s servant and so an saxon nobleman and one of the king s more immediate warriors ii the allusion is of course easy to | 3 |
handle composition h this i would include in the list chiefly to how often a little com i a metal for the a m t talks off literature mon will solve at first sight seems a difficulty of language composition is so easily connected with difficulties or any similar phrase that an intelligent pupil can see the point if he ia only alive to the force of language hi it will interest moat scholars to learn that this word except for modern tions is found only in shakespeare and in liim but twice both times iu the phrase thee witch the second instance hi they will be at least amused by the possibility of its being derived from a dialect word given in the proverb quoted by an old author named ray in and probably in use in the time of shakespeare you to her mother and in the whether the himself made the word the curious of the term from op the old form of or ash ia sure t appeal to children who have seen the its red the mountain ash or the as it is called in ireland is one of the most famous trees in irish tradition and is sacred to the gentle people the it was of old regarded as a sure defence against and the theory of some scholars is that the original form of the exclamation given by shakespeare was i ve a witch i ve a tree witch all that it is necessary for the reader to know is that the word is evidently a warning to the witch to depart the study of but there can be no objection to into this preliminary study of the matter h is likely to arrest attention and to fix in the fed hi it is hardly worth while to do more with this than to have it understood that is a term of contempt meaning or something of the sort and that while it may refer to the fact that and scraps were of the cook or given to beggars probably nothing more than a plump over fed woman pent house lid hi a pent house is from the dictionary found to be a sloping roof projecting from a wall over a door or window and from this to the comparison with the is an easy step that the was in the sixteenth y may be shown by numerous as for instance the passage in thomas s s home book the two eyes are the windows at which light into every of hair to them in the second chapter of had there not under the pent house of hia eye that twinkle and bo on down to our own time when in and writes talks on teaching literature ha dragged his bushes down aud a for bis hollow insane root hi in s lives which in the famous translation of north was familiar to shakespeare and from he took material for his plays we are told that the soldiers of in the war were forced hy lack of provisions to taste of roots that were never eaten among which was one that killed them and made them out of their wits any intelligent student would be likely to understand the force of this phrase from the but it is well to speak of it beforehand to avoid distraction of the attention in reading vi from our common use of the to carries its own meaning and the use of the word in this passage is given in the century dictionary vii e the and the meaning are given in the century dictionary with q so far for single words which would be likely to bother the ordinary student in reading the list might be extended by individual teachers to fit individual and such words included as hi hi vi iv flourish iv end vi god vi up vii it ia well however not to make the list longer than is absolute necessary and as the of the whole play is to be taken up it is better to the study of trust to the general intelligence of the class as far as possible n these doubtful or words having been mastered by the class and the lines in which they occur used as illustrations of their use the next matter is to take up es these may be blind from unusual use of familiar words or from some other cause where the difficulty is a matter of it is hardly worth while to make further division into groups and in the first act the following passages may be given to the students to study out for themselves if possible or to have explained by the teacher if necessary say to the king the of the as thou did it ii b for well he that name fortune with his steel which smoked witli bloody execution like s out bis passage till he faced the slave which ne ei shook ha nor bid farewell to him till be d mm from the to and d head upon our ii except the meant to in or another i cannot tell ii till that a in d in proof confronted him self point against point arm arm hia lavish spirit ii t talks on teaching literature he shall live a forbid iu the hand in hand of the sea and land iii art not without ambition but without the illness should attend u v all that thee from the round that and aid doth to have thee crowned withal v to the time look like the time in c those honors deep and wherewith your i a our fur those of old and the late heap d up to we ai this home so meek vii what cannot you and i perform upon what not put upon his who | 3 |
be over dramatic and stiu less that it should be what is known as but it does mean that it shall be agreeable intelligent and sympathetic the teacher must both understand and feel the work and must be trained to convey both comprehension and emotion through the voice the pupils will from a first reading get chiefly the plot but they may also be unconsciously prepared for the more important knowledge of character which is naturally the next step in the process of studying the drama as preparation for the first reading of little is needed in the way of general e the discussion of the supernatural element of the responsibility of the characters and of the central thought of the play may safely be left for later study young people will respond to tb direct story and it is not unwise to let the plot produce its full effect as simple narrative it is well to state beforehand how it comes that the does not necessarily go by immediate descent and so to make it evident how secured the throne it may be well also to comment briefly on the state of society in which crime was more possible than now beyond this the play may he left to tell its own tale in this first reading the teacher will do well to indicate such points of stage setting as are not talks on teaching literature and such stage as is to tlie understanding of the scene it is as well however not to give too much stress to this to follow the play of emotions is with children instinctive and this they will do without dwelling on the details of the scene too closely in a material sense at least a very little aid will be sufficient at this stage in a subsequent reading these matters may be more fully brought out although i am that even then it is easy to the upon to what may be done and should not be omitted is the in passing of comments so brief that they do not interrupt yet which throw light upon which might otherwise be likely to pass unnoticed nothing should be touched upon in this way which is so complicated as to require more than a word or two to make it plain what i mean is illustrated by these examples i calls i the voice in reading the idea that the speak to familiar spirits in the air but it is well to state that fact what can the devil hi thinks instantly of the word of the and of etc hi in these lines and in it is of so much importance that the distinction between the the study of and the direct speech be appreciated that it may be well to call to the changes a word i pray yon iii draws the others aside probably to tell them of the by the of the news they have brought and this gives a moment by himself to think of the strangeness of it think upon what chanced iii this ia said of course to we will establish our estate upon oar eldest son iv here the conditions of succession already spoken of may be alluded to and the fact noted that if bad entertained any hopes of succeeding these were now and when goes v the sinister suggestion of this may well be by calling attention to it bj your leave hostess vi with these words who taken the hand of lady turns to lead her in vi once the play been read as a whole the way has been for more careful attention to details for each the parts should be assigned beforehand for reading three or four pupils being assigned to each part so that in a long scene opportunity is given for bringing a number talks on teaching literature of the to feet it is well to prepare for this second reading by selecting the cent motive of the play and having the cl ass dis it in the case of it is easy to select am as the main d in some plays a single passion or emotion is not so easily detached but it is generally needful to remember that if children are to be impressed and are to see things clearly they must be dealt with simply so that even at the expense of for the time being some of the it is well to keep to the principle of one and holding to it with until the work is tolerably familiar the children should be made to say not to write for of ideas is of the greatest importance here what they understand how far they have noticed it in others and perhaps how far felt it themselves a wise teacher should have little difficulty in making such a talk personal enough to enforce the idea without letting it become too intimate it can be brought out that the test of ambition is the extent of the sacrifices one is willing to make to gratify it the ambition already spoken of to in class to be at the head of the school nine or team i to be with friends and so on for the common ambitious of life may seem trifling but it belongs to the language of the child s life here and there the teacher finds pupils who might seize the would have a except oil feet tee study of conception of ambition without starting so near the but most need it i am unable to see how any can be hurt by it it is much more difficult to get a conception vividly into the minds of twenty pupils together than it ia to impress the same thing upon a hundred separately and i should never feel that i could afford to neglect the means which might be serviceable the talk moreover does | 3 |
not stop here it is to be led on to i what the boys and girls would wish to be in world and instances of what i men liave done to gratify the of the late king of ia still so recent as to seem much more real than farther back in history and it itself well to the effort to make vital the tragedy that is being studied i am not for as instant urging that literature shall be treated in too a manner as i hope to show before i conclude but i do not feel that there is any fear of making it too real to the boys and girls with whom one must deal to day in our schools it is perhaps well too that some comment should be made at this stage on th e supernatural ent a class is likely to have had by the time it has come to the study of shakespeare and most children can with very little difficulty be made to understand that in and the ancient the existence of the supernatural is the hy upon which tha work proceeds when this is understood it is not amiss to develop the talks on teaching literature idea that shakespeare perhaps introduced the as a way of showing how evil thoughts aiid d spring up in the heart the class will see that the ideas of ambition of the possibility of gaining the crown which little by little grew in the heart of can be better shown to an audience by putting the words into the mouths of tlie than by means of this giving of reasons why the does one thing or another should not be pressed too far and should be touched upon with caution it is often better to let a detail go than to run the risk of the mind of the pupil the however are almost sure to be remarked upon and they must be considered frankly in this i pa b have been glided over before are to be taken into consideration if the pupils have as they should have with notes they may be given a scene or two at a time and told to use their wits in the often they show surprising in this line and the of praise where it is deserved is one of the most effective as well as one of the parts of the whole process what they cannot alone they may be if possible helped to work out in class or if this fails may be told outright if they have tried to arrive at the true meaning they are in a condition when an explanation will have its best and fullest effect passages in the first act of which the study of i thus far passed over deliberately to the end that the pupil be not over too many at once are as these fair is foul and foul is fair i ii where the the and fan our people cold if go nor would him burial of hia men till he ut saint s inch n ten li q if as likely to be the case the greater part or all of the class have passed the word dollars without notice that fact serves to illustrate the of care in reading that they should pass it moreover also how the might pass unnoticed in shakespeare s time when historic accuracy was the last thing about which a his head tha teacher may well here refer back to the idea of literature as the of the emotions and remind the class that as the poet was not to write history or to tell what happened in a instance but only to represent the abstract principle of such a situation as that in which and hia wife were involved a departure from historical accuracy is of no importance so long as it does not disturb the effect on the mind of the audience or reader no more that of shall our interest h i give thee t wind hi the supposed power of the to control the talks on teaching literature v and the of the sailors about buying favorable weather from them may be taken up in the reading but it seems better to leave it for the time when the effect of the play as a whole has been secured and the interruption will be less objectionable wonders and his praises do contend which be thine or his with tbat in that home i l i poor and ui tbe poor oat i the wi i it is not necessary to continue this list its length is decided by the one fixed principle to which is no exception it is too long tbe moment the teacher fails to hold the interest of the class in the work which is being done no amount of information acquired or skill in passing can for the harm done by the plays of shakespeare in tbe minds of the student with the idea of or explanation however is of small importance as compared to an intelligent p of the and effect of each incident and each scene in the development of the story and of the characters of the actors in the tragedy at the end of ea h scene or for tbat matter at any point which seems well to the the students should in this second reading be called upon to on what has been done in the play and what has been shown i have much more faith in the gen the study of of what a boy his feet in the class room than in what he may write at home a teacher with the hint may at once and when it is spoken but when stock phrases conventional opinions views imperfectly remembered or borrowed fi om somebody s notes have been neatly | 3 |
danger of receiving wrong impressions from which is but whether this be true or not certain it is that the young are often bewildered by words and affected by turns of language the same may be hopelessly incomprehensible or at least unhappily remote when stated in one way while in another it is entirely possible the first essential is to clear beyond all possibility of doubt what is required and this is to be accomplished only by using language which the student understands the teacher must here as in all instruction keep constantly in mind that language that is clear and familiar to him may be nothing less than to the class i remember a lad in a country school who was hopelessly bewildered when confronted with the subject given talks on teaching literature out by his teacher what character in this book appeals to you most and on what grounds yet who wrote easily enough a very respectable theme when i said she only wants you to pick out the person in the book you like best and tell why you like him oh is that all he said at first but that is n t saying anything about grounds the incident absurd as it is is really typical i have usually found that the word compare will reduce most students to mere memories as they strive almost mechanically to things set down in the notes of text nothing is more common than subjects like compare the characters of and lady compare l and i and so on the result is generally a statement of the of the characters or works mentioned a statement which is a poor of notes but has of real comparison no trace the comparison calls for powers far beyond anything pupils are likely to have developed and when a boy asked me not bo very long ago what a teacher expected of him when he had been required to compare sir de and will i was forced to reply that i was utterly unable even to conjecture i regard the frequent appearance of theme subjects of this sort in the secondary schools with mingled envy and wonder envy for the teachers who apparently possess the power to satisfactory work on these lines and wonder that the power the study of to do this work seems bo completely to disappear when the pupil leaves the secondary schools to comment on the subjects which have actually stood upon entrance in the last years would in the first place be in the second expose m to an unpleasant danger of seeming to challenge attention to papers for which i have been personally responsible and in the third place would do no possible good a teacher with common sense can make the application o the general principles i have stated if he choose and he will at least the unfortunate necessity of the written work a preparation for is s beat in with the last reading of the play hut that is a mere detail students should be encouraged to commit to memory the finest passages and should be given an opportunity of repeating them in the class with as much intelligent as possible they should not of course be encouraged or allowed to or to shakespeare but the teacher should insist that at least lines be so that the meaning is brought out clearly and he should encourage the speaker to give each passage as if it were being spoken as the expression of a distinct personal thought should be used in the way of of the knowledge of pupils is a question for any teacher like any other natural and necessary inquiry it can be answered only with a repetition of the caution that no set of hard and fast rules will apply to all or to all students themselves however would often be perplexed if they were not given definite tasks to perform definite questions to answer definite facts to in acquiring the needed for the reading of a play both teacher and pupil feel with satisfaction that legitimate because work is being done and for either it is hard to appreciate the fact that the essential thing in the study of literature is too to be tested or measured by specific standards in what i lave called the treatment of literature both are likely to feel as if a is being taken i from real work since the impression is general that the only method of keeping within the limits of useful progress is dependent upon the of tasks the need of fitting students for is generally allowed in practice to answer the talks on teaching literature tion what shall be done i have already said that i have personally little faith in the ultimate value of much of the thus imposed aud it is hardly to be that any intelligent teacher could be satisfied to let matters rest here certainly a pupil who from the high school should have some power of any book which comes into his hands and of forming of general form and to a less extent even of style his criticism is necessarily but it should be genuine and sound as far as it goes h a result is not dependent upon the power of passing but is chiefly secured by precisely that training in appreciation which is least formal and may easily appear farthest from practice in criticism some actual and definite criticism however is a part of tlie school work and concerning this certain present themselves to my mind as obvious in the first place criticism is of no value but rather is if it fails to be genuine from this follows the that no criticism can be required until the child is old enough to form an opinion and that at no stage should comments be asked which are the child s intellectual development in the early stages criticism is necessarily genuine in proportion it is | 3 |
personal and it must have become entirely easy and natural before it can safely be made at all in the early stages of the use of literature in criticism as has been said already the aim ib to help the child to and to understand so that enjoyment may be inevitable this should be done in the home but in a large number of cases in the common schools the effects of home training in literature are so wanting the teacher must in moat cases take to begin at the very beginning so far as criticism goes the early stages are of course merely the or and the encouragement of expression of such tastes following this comes naturally the putting into word of reasons for this must be done with simplicity in the and most manner and above all with no hint to the child that he is doing anything so lai e as to it is precisely at this stage that children are most in danger of the habit of repeating like the opinions of their elders all of us have to begin life by receiving the views of and we are all except in the rare instances of extraordinary who need not be much considered here eager to conceal lack of knowledge by of the ideas of others to force young pupils to give when they have none of their own to ve is to repeat the mistake which notes in his lesson for fathers the child in the poem declared that he preferred his new home to the old his father upon a reason and the poor little fellow having none is forced into the lie talks on teaching literature at is no and tbat b the in the lower the thing which may well and wisely be done ia to the n to literature and tn literary in if pupils come to the upper and show that this has not l een the teacher still has it to do just as he must them the or the tion table if they arrive without the knowledge of these to advanced work this la the only safe foundation upon which work may rest and although to acquire it the time which should be put on more elaborate study that study cannot be soundly done until the preparation is well mastered criticism must be postponed until the pupil is prepared for it criticism whenever it come must begin simply and it must ba connected with the actual life and experience of the child we are constantly success in teaching by being unwilling to stop at the limits of the possible boys and girls will be frank about what they read if they are once really convinced that frankness is what is expected and desired they are constantly if not always on the watch for what the teacher wishes to say whatever to think for themselves and to state that thought and freely is what is valuable and this only opinions concerning characters in tales perhaps do as well as anything for the beginning of criticism criticism in classes a teacher say to a pupil suppose you had known wliat would you have thought of mm the is led to perceive the difference between seeing or knowing such a man in real hfe with limited chances of any knowledge of character of the past history of the of his secret thoughts or of his feelings and knowing him from the book which gives all these so fully the question then becomes suppose you had in some way found out about him all that the novel what would yon have felt the teacher will easily detect and should with the firmness and the gentleness answers the young girl who with declares that was a noble character whom she because of the way in which he was misunderstood may be questioned whether if she had lived in she would have seen more than the homely stranger and whether even had she known all that was concealed under his homely life she could have held out against his general she is forced to think when she is asked whether among those who live around her may not be men and women whose lives are as pathetic and as as was that of the children have ideas about the personages in the stories they hear or read and it is only necessary to encourage in each pupil according to his temperament first the of these clearly and then the frank stating of them talks on teaching literature la all this sort of criticism one should he avoided is any appearance of drawing a moral deliberately to draw a moral is almost inevitably to defeat any lesson which the might enforce if it is left to make its own effect the point to be aimed at here is not to turn the story into a sermon but to it as close to the individual life of the child as is possible the difference is in that between being told a thing and it once this relation is established the child feels an share in the matter such as can be created by no amount of it may be doubted if any genuine child ever drew a moral and in all this work is the beginning of wisdom after the pupil has come to have some notion more or less clear according to bis own mental development of what the personages in a story or a play are like he easily goes on to determine the relation of one event to a the between the separate parts of the work he be able to tell in a general way at least what influence one character upon another and of the responsibility of each in the events of the narrative these opinions should as much as possible be put into speech before being written the subject should be talked out however in a | 3 |
manner so sincere and straightforward as to make impossible students must be held to and simple expression of real and feelings in every class and perhaps especially criticism among are likely to be some who will surely repeat conventional phrases pick up set phrases with surprising ease and will offer them whenever they have reason to believe such will be received instead of real coin these are easily recognized and they should be dealt with anything except that weapon which ia forbidden to the being legitimate against such cant the student who a set phrase is usually effectually disposed of by a request to explain to make clear and to prove so that the habit of repetition cannot grow unless the teacher is to it the genuine ideas of the pupils may be developed and put into word in the class and afterwards the writing oat will involve getting them into order and logical it may be objected that by thia process each scholar will borrow ideas from what he hears said in the class this is in reality no serious to the method if the individuals are trained to think for themselves each will judge the views which are presented in class and make them his own by and them in any case the danger of a student s getting too many ideas is not large and those he gets from his his are much more likely to appeal to him and to remain in hb mind than any which he from books the notions will sometimes be crude but they will be so corrected and discussed in that they cannot be essentially false talks on teaching literature any criticism which ia received from pupils whether spoken or written must first of all be in sound sense la tlie only safe basis w any and the higher the grade of a work of literature the more easy is it to treat it in a common sense spirit pupils should be made to feel not only that they have a right to any opinion of their own on what they read but that they are expected to have one and that this opinion may be of any nature whatever bo long as they can justify it by sound reasons still farther than this they should be allowed freely to cherish tastes for which they cannot give formal justification provided they can show a reasonable appreciation of the real qualities of the work they like or dislike in the higher regions imaginative work the power of analysis of the most able critic may fail and it is idle to expect from school children criticism of high things which yet they may feel deeply since it is of so much importance that all comment and criticism shall be sincere care must be taken to keep work within limits which make sincerity possible students must not be required to perform tasks which are in the nature of things impossible to push beyond dealing with comparatively simple matters in a frank and direct manner inevitably to encourage the use of conventional phrases and to replace sincerity with cant a nice question itself with the determination of how much it is proper and wise to re t a criticism of children it is how much farther it is well to call upon them to literature than we should ask them to on life we need to know wh t we are doing and though an examination of the character and motives of a criminal in a hook is not the same as would be this sort of applied to a flesh and blood neighbor the two processes are the in essence the better the teacher in the imagination of the pupil moreover the more closely the two approach we should be sure that we axe doing well in requiring o the young who would not and should not be encouraged to dwell on actual crime and suffering that they produce original upon these things as represented in action it is of course to be allowed that no teaching can make actions vital and real in exactly the same way as is that which is known actually to have happened an imaginative child the story which touches him but does not bring it home to himself as he would within the circle of his own experience it may be urged that by ng him to sin in the comparatively remote world of fancy we give him a chance to perceive its moral without that distrust of hb fellows which might come if he were forced to the lesson from the of life and that in hooks the knowledge of character and circumstance is so much fuller than it is likely to be in experience that he is able talks on teaching literature to see more clearly the fact remains however that we should hardly expect or desire a and reasonable estimate of the late king and queen of from the school who are being made to write laborious on the motives and the character of and lady that we should be shocked at finding boys and girls considering in real life like the of or suspicions like those entertained of we certainly cannot afford to be or to confine the young to books they may generally be safely trusted it seems to me to read any tale or poem of first merit although its subject e as painful as that of they will receive it as they receive of life told by a wholesome minded person often with y little real perception o the darkest and most sinister side it will be as it was with young when he read s and took delight in the hero a child s tom jones a harmless creature when it comes to the discussion of motives of character of black events in fiction the case is different the child is forced to take a new attitude | 3 |
to the opinions of his elders to view life from their more point of view and inevitably to receive a fresh and not always a desirable insight into evil i am not inclined to on this point and touch upon it chiefly for the sake of suggesting that teachers may do well to keep it a little in each case it seems to me must be criticism decided upon its own merit and i at least have ao arbitrary rules to lay down of one thing however i am sure and that is that whatever is taken up at be treated with h and fearless of style or whatever belongs to literary necessarily comes late in the secondary schools i believe very little can be done in this line at all of this i shall later in connection with the study of but here i may say that i suppose most teachers to recognize the obvious absurdity of such questions about and effects as are given on page that they should be gravely proposed in a book of advice is indication that somebody believes in them but any class of students with which i have ever had to deal would be reduced to mechanical repetition of cant by the bare sight of such one thing which ia of importance is the need of encouraging pupils to judge of any as a i whole it is so much easier to deal with details a than with a complete work that constantly students leave schools where the training is in many respects excellent and have gained no ability to go beyond the examination of particulars the far more important power of a book or a play from its total effect has not been cultivated no teacher should forget that the ability to deal fairly with a whole is of as more value than any r talks on teaching literature facility in minute as that whole is greater than any of it i parts this does not mean that a student can well everything he reads or that he may wisely attempt it it does imply that at least his attention shall have been lt d over and over to the great fact that the study of details is not the study of a that he shall have been required to judge a book or a play so far as he is able as a whole with reference to its entire effect in talking with even about short works pieces no longer than a single essay of or a simple i constantly find that they are apt to have no conception whatever that they could or should do anything but pick out minute details i ask what it to as a whole how it itself or what is its value as a complete poem or essay and they seem unable to see what i am driving at the painful attempt to find out what wish them to say so entirely their minds as to render them incapable of using whatever power of judgment they may possess not long ago one boy said to me i did n t know it made any difference what the poem was about if you could pick out things in it what do you suppose it was written for i asked a look of painful bewilderment came into his face and he answered that he supposed some folks liked to write that way i inquired whether he would test a bridge he was an student by picking out bits without seeing how the parts held and how it was as a whole and he returned with puzzled frankness i but a bridge has a use very good was what i assured him and so does a poem can t you appreciate that mankind has not been keeping poems from generation to generation without finding out if they really are useless any work of literature that ia really good must be of value as a whole and you have not got hold of it until you are able to see it ia for aa a single thing a complete the fact is so evident that it seems almost absurd to mention it in a book intended for teachers but scores of boys come yearly fi om the fitting who prove bow often the fact is ignored ignored very likely because it is taken for granted but no less ignored with seriously ill effects in general criticism in the v have to do only with the good points of work unless a pupil himself shows that he in what is read it is on the whole the place of the to keep the attention of the class fixed on merits while defects are ignored this is not to be interpreted as meaning that any weakness should ever be allowed to pass for a merit or as indicating that it is ever wise to a any intelligent pupil for instance should see for himself that the are sadly and mixed in the passage whether tis in th mind to the aod of fortune or to take arms a sea of and by opposing end them talks on teaching it is necessary to meet this knowledge frankly and to show him how it is that can be bo great in spite of faults like this it is the inclination of childhood to feel that a man must be perfect to be great but even at the coat of the difficulty of such a faith the truth must be told in general however it is as well not to go out of the way to enforce the doctrine of human and the mind is best by being fed on what ia good rather than by being taught to perceive what ia bad when a pupil ia asked to put into words the reason why a piece is written he should be required to answer by a complete sentence a properly | 3 |
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