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food and he did not that his one day s free in the air was the cause of his healthy appetite to morrow and the next day and the next when he should resume his over books and his patient if weary into works of reference he would find the old indifference and upon him again the lack of energy which deprived him not only of appetite but even of joy in exercise which made a walk and a run impossible but now his little feast seemed delightful and he was quite happy when having finished the meal he nd slipped into bed he was soon asleep and the white streaming in at the window fell on his small classic face and ruffled curly hair some pleasing vision his rest for he smiled that divine half wondering smile which is never seen save on the lips of sleeping children and the newly dead chapter vii the next morning professor sat awaiting his pupil in what was called the the bare apartment in which had been over his books when had called him out from study to the fresh air and the scent of the sea it was an old fashioned room with a very low ceiling which was crossed and by stout oak after the style common to henry the eighth s period and had evidently been formerly used as a both for linen and provisions for all round the walls there were large holding many broad shelves and here and there among the were yet to be seen great iron hooks strong enough to support a dried of or possibly a whole included the professor being tall found some of these hooks considerably in his way he had already knocked his bald rather against one of them which he had instantly turned upon as though it were a enemy and endeavoured to out of position but the tough iron resisted all his efforts and he had only scratched his hands and wasted his time without gaining his object somewhat irritated at this trifling annoyance trifles always irritated him he seated himself in the most comfortable chair available and looked out of the window which was a quaint and pretty opening on two sides in the french fashion the lovely scent of sweet assailed his nose and it the gardener was cutting the grass and the smell suggested hay fever at once to his mind what a fool i was to consent to come to this out of the way place he muttered ill considering the distance from town and the discomfort of the surroundings i ought to ask double the man is a thinks he knows something and doesn t know anything his wife is good looking and has all the impudent self assurance common to women of her type and the boy seems to be a little faced ass talk of the quiet of the country i was up this morning by the incessant of a cock what people buy such brutes of birds for i don t know then a wretched cow began and as for the of the birds why it s a positive worse than a dozen knife at work i ll have all those cut away that are climbing round my bedroom window they harbour insects as well as birds and the sooner i get rid of both the better he blew his long nose violently with a tinted silk handkerchief of mingled red and yellow hues and the idea of hay fever again to him he shut the window with a bang then he unfolded a large sheet of paper which mr had given him the previous night and on which was written out in the or plan of study had been following for the past six months over this document he his yellow forehead grinned and frowned as he read on he sucked his tongue and his lips and twisted himself about in so many ways that he became a perfectly appalling spectacle of and in his absorbed condition of mind was not aware that the door of the room had quietly opened and as quietly closed again and that stood him with a calmly and critical stare two or three minutes passed silently in this way then spoke good morning professor the professor started and rapidly his long legs from the uncouth knot in which he had gathered them over the rung of the chair he occupied put down the plan adjusted his round spectacles and surveyed his pupil good morning sir he responded i trust you have slept off your temper and are prepared for work i haven t slept off my temper said quietly because i had no temper to sleep off father knew that as well as i did it s always silly i think to accuse somebody else of being in a temper when you re in one yourself but that s all over now that was yesterday this is to day and i am quite prepared for work glad to hear it and professor smiled his usual pallid smile have you had your breakfast yes and have you rested sufficiently demanded the professor with sarcastic emphasis i don t know i don t think so the boy answered slowly i often feel i should like to go to sleep for days and days really and a prolonged indicated the learned s deep disdain possibly you are of the species possibly responded with cynical calm a animal is a creature that goes to sleep all the winter i shouldn t mind that at all it would take off a lot of trouble from one s life don t you ever feel tired physically speaking i am occasionally fatigued said | 33 |
the professor him severely particularly when i have to train and instruct foolish and natures mentally i am never weary and now if you have no further observations of immediate importance to make perhaps you will condescend to commence the morning s work smiled and tossed back his curly hair with a pretty half proud half careless gesture oh i see what you are like now he said you are what they call of a turn of mind and it is part of your particular kind of fun to ask me if i will condescend to work when you know a boy like me can t have his own way in anything and has to do what he s told i know what is meant by satire was a i made an essay on him once he began as a poet but he got tired of writing beautiful things for people who wouldn t or couldn t understand them so he turned round and everybody he got to egypt for making fun of one of the emperor s and they say he died out there of vexation and weariness but i think it was more from old age than anything else because he lived till he was eighty and that made him older i than even you are now the professor s nose visibly with irritation older i should think so indeed very much older he snapped out it will be a very long time before am eighty will it well one can only go by looks you know and you look old and i m not at all clever at people s ages will you ask me some questions now or will you teach me something i am very anxious to know first the professor glanced him over from head to foot with grim ent i think he said it is my turn to examine you if you have quite done examining me it is necessary for me to know how far you have actually in your studies before i set you fresh tasks referring to the plan so admirably drawn up by your father it seems you should know something of greek and latin you should also be considerably advanced in and you should be fairly strong in history stand where you are please put your hands behind your back in case you should be inclined to your fingers i hate all nervous movements the learned gentleman was apparently unaware of his own capacity for the and when you give an answer look me straight in the face i have my own special method of examination which you will have to yourself to oh yes replied cheerfully every has his own special method and no two methods are alike it is difficult at first to understand them all but i always try to do my best the professor made no response but set to his work of in terrible earnest and before an hour had passed was fairly astonished at the intelligence and acute perception of his pupil the child of ten had learnt more facts of science and history than he in his time had known when he was twenty he concealed his surprise however under the cover of and the more apt of comprehension proved himself to be the more the eminent s professional interest became excited and the more he determined to work such promising material hard this is often the fate of brilliant and intelligent children the more quickly they learn the more cruelly they are crammed till both heart and brain give way under the unnatural effort and forced and disaster follows disaster ending in the wreck of the whole intellectual and physical happy in these days of progress is the dull heavy boy who cannot learn who asleep over his books and gets a which is far better than a who is plucked in his and for his pains the chances are ten to one that though he be put to scorn by the college pupil loaded with honours he will in the long run prove the better aye and the man of the two the young whom mother nature out into the woods and fields when he should be at his books who laughs with a naughty at the gods of greece and has an innate comic sense of the of learning dead languages which he is never to speak is probably the very destined man who in time of battle will prove himself a hero of the first rank or who planted solitary in an country will become one of the leading of modem progress and discovery over study is fatal to originality of character and both clearness of and strength of si t ie are denied to the victims of professor was an advocate of he was esteemed in many quarters as the best coach of the day and he apparently considered a young human brain as a sort of bag or to be filled with various articles of knowledge useful or otherwise till it showed signs of bursting then it was to be promptly together locked and through passenger for life if the lock broke and the whole bag gave way why then so much the worse for the bag it was proved to be of bad material and its bursting was not the professor s fault his eyes began to sparkle iso with a dull glitter and his yellow cheeks at their jaw bone as he took note of the precision and swiftness with which the young his facts in and order of the hawk like fashion in which the boy s bright brain as it were on a difficult proposition in and solved it without difficulty and a lurking sense of the of such over rapid perception | 33 |
and analysis in a child of ten itself now and then on his consciousness for among other matters the professor had studied medicine yet his knowledge of the science was so slight that he was not without fears of instant death whenever he had a mild attack of and he considered himself seriously wounded if he managed to run a pin into his finger nevertheless a few medical statements did occur to his memory as he put through his paces recognised concerning over of brain and acute excitement of but he did not permit himself to dwell upon them on the contrary he worked the boy as he would have worked a muscular young fellow of eighteen or twenty and himself showed ne signs of weariness owing to the complete rest and release from he had enjoyed the previous day things that often presented themselves to him as a useless now suddenly seemed quite simple and clear and he was sensible of a curious almost feverish desire to astonish his new by his quickness an inward hurried him on causing him to spring at difficulties and overcome them and he gave all his answers with a and rapidity that was bewildering even to himself at the conclusion of the morning s work professor reluctantly stated that he was fairly well satisfied with the results of his preliminary you will however he continued need to apply yourself more closely to study than you have hitherto done if you are to be at all a credit to me i must tell you i very seldom undertake the of a boy of your age it is too much trouble and too little honour but as you have gone on so far and your father seems anxious about you i shall do my best to put you well ahead i am now going to write down the course of reading you will undertake this afternoon and the dozen subjects you will prepare for tomorrow i shall expect you not only to be word e perfect but sense perfect i want absolute and distinct comprehension not like repetition merely i am only having holiday tasks put in with a wistful air do you know that of course i know it such work as you are given now is comparatively light to what you will be able to perform when the regular term begins you are preparing for a public school no i don t think so should like to but h m h m now let me think and his forehead and mouth in his usual nervous fashion the professor began to his list of while stood quietly beside him watching the great bony fingers that guided the pen when you have done that may i ask you the thing i want so much to know he inquired the professor looked up with some curiosity he was inclined to negative the proposition but the boy s and intelligence combined with his obedience and gentleness had to a very great degree the state of irritation in which he as a sort of modern was wont to exist so after a pause during which he went on writing he replied you may certainly is it a matter of importance i think so i and the boy s eyes darkened and grew dreamy it seems so to me at any rate i am very anxious about it professor laid down his pen and leaning back in his ch ir his thin lips into what he meant to be an encouraging smile well speak out he said what is it came closer to him and looked earnestly m his face you see you are very clever he observed with gentleness than anybody in all england some people say well then you must have found out all about it and you can explain what has been me for a long long time what i want to know is this where is the the professor gave a violent start almost a jump and stared where is the he repeated what nonsense are you talking what do you mean it s not nonsense declared with patient firmness it can t be nonsense because it is the cause of everything we know we are alive aren t we you and i and millions of people and we re all in this world together but books tell you that this world is only a very little planet one of the smallest in the sky and there are thousands and thousands and millions and millions of other ever so much larger some of which we cannot see even with the longest and strongest then look at our sun we should not be able to live without it but there are millions of other and systems all separate now if all these things are and are designed by an where is it that wonderful little first which without knowing in the least what it was about and with nobody to guide it and having no reason judgment sight or sense of its own produced such beautiful and then if you are able to tell me where it is will you also tell me where it came from the professor s eyes rolled wildly in his head and he glared at the composed little figure and wistful earnest face of his pupil with something of dismay as well as annoyance you see continued the boy anxiously i should not have mentioned it to you unless i had heard that you were so wise ive been waiting for a very wise man to talk to about i because it s been on my mind a long time the i had who is just gone mr had quite different ideas to those of | 33 |
all the he believed in a god like all the ignorant people but before mr came i had a very clever a mr he was a he said and a great friend of a person named and he told me all about the he even showed me the enlarged drawing of an as seen through the a curious thing with a sort of cord running through it something like the picture of a man s ribs in my book and he explained to me that it was a combination of such things that made and it puzzled me very much because i thought there must be a beginning even to these and i could not imagine how such a little object as a first could think out a plan by itself and create worlds with people bigger than itself on them but he was a very funny man mr i mean he used to say that nothing was everything and everything was nothing he said this so often and laughed so much over it that i was afraid he was going quite mad so i used to avoid the subject altogether now you have come i am sure you can make it clear to me so that i shall understand properly because it is very interesting don t you think to know exactly where the is and what it s doing slowly and with an uncomfortable sense of professor rallied his scattered forces you ask to know what no one knows he said harshly that there is a first cause of things is evident but where it is and where it came from is an mystery it is in all probability now absorbed in its own extended forces all we know is that it works or has worked and that we see its results in the universe around us s face darkened with disappointment you call it a first cause he said and are you really quite sure the first cause is an no one can be sure of anything in such matters answered the professor his brows we can only form a guess from what we are enabled to discover in natural science a strange smile half half flashed in the boy s eyes oh then you only guess at the as other people guess at a god he said no one is sure about anything well i think it is very silly to settle upon an as the cause of anything it seems to me much more natural and likely that it should be a person a person with brain and thought and feeling and memory you see an under the has no head or any place where it could grow a brain it is just a thing like two knotted together and in the works of nature there is nothing of that description which thinks out a universe for itself if there were it would rule us all but here the professor rose up in all his strength and swung a heavy ram of explicit fact against the child s argument and as a matter of positive truth and certainty do rule us he interrupted with some excitement the of disease which breed death the which work storm and earthquake the which penetrate the il e brain and produce thought the moving in a state of transition which cause change both in the development of worlds and the progress of man good heavens i could go on quoting hundreds of instances which prove beyond a doubt that we are entirely governed by the movement and of but you are too young to understand you could never grasp the advanced scientific doctrines of the day it is ridiculous to discuss them with a boy like you i don t think it is ridiculous said placidly because you see i am rather an unhappy sort of boy i think a good deal if i were happy i might not think mr says there are lots of boys who never think at all and that they get on much better than i do but when one can t help thinking what is one to do oh dear and he heaved a profound sigh i did hope you would be able to clear up all my difficulties for me the professor rubbed his great hands together cracked his and awkwardly but was otherwise silent you know went on it doesn t make you care very much about living if you there s no good in it and that you are only the smallest possible of the results of an which didn t care and didn t know what it was about when it started making things i should be ever so happier if i thought it was a person who knew what he was doing pf e are supposed to know what we are doing even in very small trifles and if we don know we are considered quite silly and useless so it does seem rather funny to me that we should decide that all the beautiful work of the universe is done by a thing that hasn t any notion what it is about it would be much easier to understand i think if the scientific people could agree that the first cause was a person who knew still the professor was silent a person who knew continued the boy thoughtfully would have ideas and if he were a good person they would all be grand and beautiful ideas and if he were an eternal person he would be new and still more wonderful things so we should not be surprised at knowing he had made millions and millions of stars and and if he were good himself he would never quite destroy anything that had good | 33 |
in it would be kind too and he would always be improving and helping on o thing he had made because as a person he would have feeling and when people got into trouble or sickness or poverty he would comfort them somehow pf e might not see how he did it but he would be sure to manage it he could not help being sorry for sorrow if he were a good person yes the more i think of it the more likely it seems to me beautiful flowers and beautiful colours in the sky and music these things make the idea of a person much pleasanter and more natural to me than an an may h a person or a person an said the professor involuntarily into argument by the weird and old air of the little lad who still stood confidently close to his knee looking frankly up into his hard face and who at this observation laughed softly that sounds like mr who said everything was nothing and nothing was everything he remarked but i don t think it could be so you know you can t make anything of an but the object the shows you you couldn t say it thinks or sees it would have to think and see to arrange colours perfectly and it would have to hear in order to i i make i ve gone over all this ever so many times in my own mind and this is how it seems to me i believe i do really believe with all the wonderful discoveries we are making we shall find out the to be a person after all and that he knows exactly what he s doing and what were doing what a good thing that will be won t it because then we can some day ask him to explain all that we don t understand of course we might ask the but i don t see how it could be expected to answer as it is only supposed to be just twisting about with no object in particular the professor felt an odd chill as of cold water running down his back at the strange arguments of this child whom he began to consider the suggestion that it would be a good thing if the scientific were discovered to be a person had something in it of positive terror and the learned was conscious that for him and his particular set such a discovery would be anything but pleasant uncomfortable thoughts occurred to him he knew not why of the time when he dry man of theory though he now was had been a small inquisitive ii i boy himself and when he had recognised the very person dimly imagined the pure fearless grand image of god in christ to whom at his mother s knee he had daily and nightly prayed but against whose divine faith and noble teaching he led away by plausible modern now turned with a mockery and sarcasm exceeding the bitterness of any old world for he was one of that new and select band of men and women who enjoying the singular liberties and privileges of the christian creed are nevertheless in their attempts to destroy it and who scruple not to stone the god founder and him afresh with an ingratitude as monstrous as it is women especially who but for christianity would still be in the low place of bondage and humiliation formerly assigned to them in the periods are most of all to be reproached for their wicked and wanton attacks upon their great who pitied and their weaknesses as they had never been pitied or before and was not the professor himself thinking seriously of one such christ female with short hair and spectacles who had taken high honours at and who was eminently fitted to become the mother of a brood of who like human would be prepared to swallow benefits and deny the benefactor such reflections as these chased one another through the eminent s mind and ruffled his he almost felt as if he would like to shake the boy who stood there calmly which could never be solved you have talked quite enough on this subject he said roughly and if you were to ask me questions for a year i could tell you no more than science teaches all are and the universe is not and could never be the work of a person or persons the ignorant may build themselves up a god if they choose we know better all creation as you have already been told is the result of a of but where the first is or where any of the came from is beyond human ingenuity to discover we know nothing of the reasons why we live s face grew very pale then life is a very cruel thing and not worth having he said it is wicked indeed that people should be born at all if no good is to come of it if there s no reason for anything and no future object for anybody i don t see why we should take the trouble to live it s all a mistake and a and a very stupid business i think the professor rose from his chair and stretching his long legs at ease smiled a smile what a think is of no import he observed we are here and being here we must make the best of our time but you think is of no import either returned simply the doesn t care any more about you than it does about me it s all the same you see you are clever and i am stupid and you are clever i suppose because you like to please | 33 |
people by your cleverness now i should never care about pleasing people i would rather the if it could be pleased because it is everything people included but it can t be pleased because it is blind and deaf and senseless it just goes on and doesn t know anything even about itself and whatever best we make of our time it s no use because we die and there s an end will you like to die the professor felt himself becoming impatient and certainly not no sane man likes to die i intend to live as long as possible do you really just fancy and s eyes grew larger with genuine astonishment now how different that is to me i would much rather die than live to be as old and wise as you are do you mean to be insolent sir demanded the professor growing suddenly livid with anger insolent oh dear no indeed no exclaimed the boy quickly did i say anything rude if i did i am sorry please excuse me i meant no harm only i do think it seems dreadful to look forward to so many long long years of work and trouble and worry all for nothing and that is why i would not like myself to live to be very old are you going out in the garden here is your hat and your stick and he handed these articles with a pretty grace to the irritated who down upon him uncertain what to do or say there are lots of beautiful roses growing wild you will find them near the hedge that makes the boundary of the grounds any quantity of them do you know i m very glad the managed to make roses as well as human beings professor clapped his hat well down on his bald head and fixed his severe eye on the small philosopher read that chapter i have marked for you in caesar s he said it will steady your ideas you are inclined to be and fantastic now let me tell you once for all i don t like or fancies of any kind stick to facts master thoroughly and it is possible i may make something of you but let me hear no more nonsense about and this world is your business and beyond this world you have no business with that he strode out and left alone sank wearily into his chair it s very funny but i ve always noticed people get angry over what they can t understand he mused and they won t listen to any suggestions or try to learn either the professor knows as well as i do that there is a cause for everything only he won t take the trouble to reason it out as to whether it s an or a person he s got a theory and nothing will alter it now believes in a person i wish i could sec again and ask him one or two questions he sighed profoundly and feeling the air of the room oppressive he opened the and looked out it was high the sun was hot on the flower beds the scarlet fire the drooped fainting on their slim only the great lifted themselves proudly aloft to give their bright deity golden stare for stare the birds overcome by the heat were mute and in hiding under cool of green leaves on a side path shaded by elm trees presently caught sight of the professor walking up and down with his father in earnest conversation and as he watched them he smiled a weird little smile they are talking about me i he reflected the professor is very likely telling my father what a curious boy i am to ask him questions about the or anything that has to do with the reasons of our being alive and perhaps they will get into an argument on the subject themselves well it may be curious and no doubt it s very troublesome of me to want to know why we live and what s the good of it but i can t help it i do want to know i don t see how any one can help wanting to know and i i think it would be much more interesting and useful to study and find out these things than to learn greek and latin then being a very little creature and to please even the grim old now placed in authority over him he moved away from the window seated himself at the big table desk and opened caesar s at the marked chapter which he read and meditated upon with grave patience till called to dinner chapter the days now went on in a dull and regular routine of study to learn was made the chief object of s existence and the only and exercise he had was a solemn walk with the professor along the dusty high road every afternoon that distinguished did not care for woods and fields he detested the sea and the mere suggestion of a scramble on the beach of would have filled him with horror nothing could ever have induced him to enter a row boat or climb a hill and his sole idea of a walk was a silent constitutional along a straight road in the glare of the sun he took large strides and sometimes s little legs had difficulty in keeping up with him while as to conversation there was none the professor s knowledge of things in general was derived from books s ideas were the instinctive efforts of natural and the two i did not moreover if his | 33 |
young pupil showed the slightest tendency to discuss any more difficult and problems concerning life death or eternity the learned invariably became abstracted and lost in the of profound and his brows and sucked his tongue and made himself look altogether so ugly that he successfully warned off and kept at a distance all undue familiarity and confidence however had by this time discovered the wisdom of holding his peace he shut up his thoughts within himself though at times they seemed to be getting too much for him and often kept him awake at night giving him an odd burning pain and in his head and the old and languor from which he was wont to suffer had returned upon him with intensity while the vivacity and brightness with which he had astonished his on the first morning of his examination by that eminent coach had completely vanished his progress now was slow and the professor declared him to be a disappointment as a matter of fact the poor little lad found his tasks growing heavier and heavier each day each day he felt less inclined to work and the mass of information he was expected to master grew daily more and more of a confusion and at times too he was conscious of a very dreadful sensation which frightened him a kind of wild desire to scream aloud jump from the open window or do something that would be wholly unlike himself and inexplicable to reason at such moments he would his small hot hands hard bite his lips and apply himself more to his lessons than ever though the nervous terror of his own feelings often became so strong as to make him tremble and turn cold from head to foot but he never complained and save that to a close observer his eyes appeared heavier and his mouth more set in the pained line of hard self control his looks never betrayed him one fine day fortune favoured him with a brief from toil and an equally brief glimpse of happiness his father and professor suddenly decided to go on an excursion together to and called by some the of england though this term is sadly the snowy peaks and glittering of the cannot be brought into a moment s comparison with the up hill and of which is surpassed even in its own neighbourhood by the romantic loveliness of the ideal village known as while its over abundance of foliage makes it somewhat gloomy and to the spirits though it offers a beautiful picture to the eyes the professor however was anxious to test its claim to be a personally and mr who himself on having read up the local of interest resolved to accompany him as guide philosopher and friend they arranged therefore to go by coach remain the night at the castle hotel which commands the finest view of the whole valley of and return to the following morning was left well supplied with work and was likewise severely warned not to go further astray than the garden surrounding the house mrs had driven early into to spend the day with some of her london friends who were staying there and she was not expected back till late in the evening you will have the house to yourself and this will be an excellent test of your obedience said mr as when he was prepared to start on his pleasure trip he stood for a moment frowning heavily down on his small pale son i suppose you know what is meant by a word of honour i suppose so answered the boy with a slight weary smile then you will give me your word of honour not to leave these grounds went on his father this is a large garden quite sufficient for you to take exercise in and if you study the subjects selected for you you will not have much time to waste in rambling no more running about like one of the common village boys and acquaintance with do you hear i hear said and you promise not to leave the grounds on my word of honour and again smiled this time almost he has a fairly good idea of the obligations of duty put in professor gathering together his shaggy brows i consider that to be his strongest point said nothing he had nothing to say if he had uttered what was in his mind it would neither have been understood nor attended to grown men have little patience with the troubles of a child though such troubles may he as deep and acute as any that are endured by the world worn nay possibly more so for sorrow is a strange and cruel thing to the very young but to the old it has become a familiar comrade whose being of almost daily occurrence are met with comparative when at last his father and the professor had fairly gone and he had actually seen them pass the house on the top of the coach being driven away from the boy was sensible of a sudden great relief as though a burden had been lifted from his heart and brain he leaned out of the school room window the fresh air and his thoughtful little looked for a few moments almost as young as nature meant it to be he was sorry his mother was not at home he would have liked to run downstairs and find her and kiss that beautiful face which had softened into such unusual tenderness for him when he had returned home from his stolen holiday perhaps she might come back early from he hoped she would if her friends did not detain her as long as she expected it was possible he might see her and talk to her before he went to | 33 |
boyish tenderness that was very sweet and my mother isn t here to day he said softly for fear of being overheard she s gone to to see some friends and won t be back till evening my father and my are away too and i m all alone i ve promised not to leave this garden or i should have come to see you how s mr i o my s quite well responded with some solemnity he s another grave z grave for a little tiny baby oh such a grave it be she sighed put her finger in her mouth and raised her blue eyes like a dreaming angel how s ee she asked presently with sudden concern ee looks white very white ee looks like my when she went to heaven smiled i ve been doing a lot of lessons he replied that s how it is i suppose books make you get pale i think tou never read books do you shook her head i can t read she confessed i can spell an i know my fairy book tells me my fairy book an god s book that s all fairy book and god s book here began and ended s literary knowledge smiled as the grim picture of professor involuntarily presented itself and he thought of the disdain in which that individual held both fairy books god s book and the very idea of god that wished for person whom would have preferred to recognise rather than the scientific and kneeling on the warm grass that was filled with the small blossoms of and eye bright he drew a handful of s brown curls through the green hedge and tied them with a knot of her own flowers now you can t go away he said merrily i have fastened you up and you are my little prisoner she peered sideways over her shoulder at what he had done and chuckled then laughed till her pretty cheeks were all over with dancing and perfectly satisfied with the arrangement she settled herself down more comfortably among the leaves with a dove like of pleasure i told ee there a in the edge where i could creep fi oo she said triumphantly this is the it s bin ere i ve often when nobody s by an got roses for my own self there be lots o roses t there this with an inquiring glance and suggestive took the hint and springing up ran to i gather for her a of the prettiest half open he could find then tying them up with a bit of string he had in his pocket he knelt down again and gave them gently into her hands she buried her tiny nose deep among the scented o how bee oo ful she sighed ee sc a rare nice boy i likes ee where s your now he laughed just where they always were dear i expect he answered i don t suppose anything will ever move them out of s it s always the same old story you know nodded always the same story she echoed with a i member bout a bad lady an big men oh there s a bee she huddled herself and her roses up into a heap her pretty little face expressive of the dismay as a big bee round and round her in apparent doubt as to whether she might not be some new specimen of growth full of delicious honey and himself with a long leaf did battle with the winged till it became thoroughly convinced that these small pretty creatures were human beings not flowers and lazily off on another quest for dainty he a bad bee said looking after the offending insect and slowly her close attitude he s got all the flowers i th garden an they be for him mine t they of course they ought agreed feeling quite happy in the companionship of his little village friend as he parted the dividing screen of flowers and leaves and drew closer to her tell me did you come all by yourself across that big field over there she replied proudly the field s just th church an this big where ee lives calls it short cut sometimes it s full o cows an i se of em an i can t but to day there s no cows so i all th way to see ee and she looked at him affectionately when s ee to see me s bright face clouded i don t know he said sadly i wish i could come you don t think i wouldn t come if i could fast enough but i have such a lot of lessons to do just now they take up all my time besides i m not allowed to go anywhere except with the professor the s ee inquired he s my a very clever man who teaches me looked puzzled well can t the with ee an see me an my tm afraid he wouldn t care to he s a very old man know interrupted with a nod of her head he s a bad man he doesn t want to see me he s like the bad man i th fairy book lost the i th wood an he s like didn t ee say would me if i came this edge eh yes and i expect he would said then he s bad declared the small lady with emphasis nobody t to me i se to be good then with a sudden change of tone she added poor so sorry for ee there was something strangely moving | 33 |
in her voice and always sensitive felt the tears rising very near his eyes why dear he asked rather while to hide his feelings he busied himself in the twist he had made of her hair and the blossoms i you se lonely an you won t see me never no more and again she raised her blue eyes to the blue heavens and looked as if she saw some dawning splendour there took both her little hands in his own and them there was a sadness at his heart but not the kind of sadness she seemed to suggest you mustn t say that he murmured gently i ll be sure to see you again often even when we go away from i sha n t forget you i shall come back and see you when i m a big man she peeped wistfully up at him you se be a long long time fore you se a big man she said i he was silent what she suggested was very true it would indeed be a long time before the big man stage of existence came to him if it ever came to him at all he was perfectly conscious within himself that he did not want to be a big man and that it was quite enough sadness for him to be a small boy he could not the possibility of his living through years and years of work and worry to attain this end of mere manhood and then to go on through more years of worse work and worry just to become old wrinkled and and drop into the grave forgetful of all that he had ever known and senseless to the fact that he had ever existed he was entirely aware that most people went through this kind of thing and didn t seem to mind it but somehow it did not commend itself to him as his own particular destiny if there were another life to be taken up after death then he could understand the necessity there might be for living this one nobly but the had done away with that hope and had declared death to be the only end of every soul s career thoughts such as these flitted vaguely through his brain while he knelt in front of holding her warm hands in his she in her turn regarding him seriously with her large soft eyes over the two children a silence and a shadow hung inexplicable to themselves or was it not so much a shadow as a brightness made impressive by the very stillness of its approach and the mystic glory of its presence it seemed incredible that the and cruel ways of the world should be waiting to pierce and torture these innocent young lives it was monstrous to imagine the dreamy eyed tender hearted boy growing up into the usual type of modern man the pattern demanded by the customs and of his kind and still more was the idea that the sweet baby girl with her pure look and heavenly smile should be destined for the rough lot of a mere peasant so to pass her days and end them without a touch of the finer which should and all the delicate of her nature was there nothing better in store for these children than what we call life who could tell if the deep charm which held them both mute could have dissolved itself in music some answer might have been given but god s cannot be into the language i of mortals hence the reason of many expressive often us more eloquent than speech presently stirred uneasily in her nest of leaves goin now she announced oh must you go so soon exclaimed can t you stay a little longer up her rosy lips with a gravely important air i se not she said promised to fetch my ome to dinner an ee l be for me well will you come back again this afternoon urged the boy come back about four o clock and tu be here to see you the little maid looked doubtful i doesn t know bout that she murmured my me this but you might leave the old horse for once to come to me pleaded you know i may have to go away altogether from soon sighed her eyes drooping then with a quick brightening of her face she well i ll try p r i ll come an p r i won t be able to come but fm sure i ll see soon again i won t ave to wait till you se a big man i ll see ee long fore then mustn t me forget you certainly not responded the boy almost as he set the little white sun bonnet straight on her head and tied the strings of it under her pretty chin i shall never never forget you dear little she pushed herself further through the hedge on her hands and knees and smiled up at him wouldn t ee like to kiss me gain she demanded with sweetness for answer he put his arms round her neck all among the blossoms and tenderly pressed the little cherry of a mouth so frankly uplifted to his own good bye she said then beginning to scramble out from among the leaves good bye but not for long he answered not for long she echoed you se sure not to me sure declared the boy smiling at her somewhat sadly as she now stood upright behind the hedge and her little figure could only be dimly seen through the close of leaves i she turned to go then on a sudden impulse ran back and with her two hands made a round through the trailing of so that her | 33 |
said and give it to me back when youve done with it nodded and returning to the school room shut the door then with a fluttering heart he opened the book what he looked for he soon found the story of christ healing the he had been taught was the most frightful disease known both hereditary and it was a deadly that tortured the limbs distorted the countenance and made of the human frame a thing human and ghastly yet christ never turned away in from any miserable creature so afflicted on the contrary he healed all who came to him and sent them on their way rejoicing yet on one such occasion when were only one returned to give thanks to his great benefactor felt that there was something more in this narrative than was quite apparent in the mere reading of it something subtle and significant which he could not quite grasp though he began to reason with himself is it because we are ungrateful that life is made cruel for us or what is it his head ached and his eyes he closed the testament sorrowfully and with a deep sigh it s no use to me he said because though it s all very beautiful my father says it isn t true and in one of the books i have the writer who is a very clever man says it isn t at all certain that christ ever existed and that it was peter and paul who invented him oh dear me i wish i knew what to believe because even in the scientific arguments no one man with the other it s all a whichever way you turn he went downstairs again and returned the testament to its owner with a gentle thank you did you find what you wanted master asked the good natured girl not exactly he answered but it s all right here he hesitated did you see a beggar man selling roses and apples just now outside the carriage gate he was all twisted on one side and had such a dreadful face poor fellow said yes master i often see him he s the silly man of the village the children call him but he s not a beggar though he s more than half he s a rare good heart of his own and an idea of what s right and honest for he to make his own living and is a burden to nobody it s wonderful how he it i suppose god looks after him for no one else does god looks after him this gave new subject matter for reflection and he returned to the school room slowly and thoughtfully his dinner was brought up to him there and afterwards he set himself to work at his lessons hot head and trembling hands did not him from application and he worked on so steadily that he never knew how time went till a sudden sick seized him and he was obliged to get up and go out in the garden for fresh air lest he should faint he found then that it was four o clock and remembering that he had asked to come back to the in th edge at that hour he went to the appointed spot and waited there patiently till nearly five but the little maiden did not appear and he was quite down hearted and weary with disappointment as well as with when at last he went in to his tea had prepared that meal for him and she stood looking at him somewhat as he threw oflf his cap and approached the table i should get to bed early if i were you master she said kindly you look quite tired and wore out that you do i want to wait up till mother comes home he answered about and seemed uneasy in her mind at this oh i think you d better not she observed your pa d be very angry if you did you know you re always to be in bed by nine and your ma said she couldn t possibly get back before eleven you go to bed like a good boy or you ll get us all into trouble very well he said with an indifferent air i don t mind after all it isn t as if she cared you know if she cared here quite suddenly his lip began to tremble and to his own amazement and indignation he burst out crying the warm hearted had her arms round him in a minute why what s the matter dear she asked drawing the sobbing boy to her good womanly breast lor how you re trembling there there don t cry don t cry you re tired that s what it is poor little fellow you ve got too many lessons to learn and too little play i m real sorry that i am that mr has gone away so am i j murmured very much ashamed of his own emotion though he was child enough to feel a certain pleasure and comfort in having s kind arm round him i liked mr here he choked back his tears and s which was a brilliant of the village s skill being a heart with a long dagger run through it the said dagger having the name engraved on its harmless point who gave you that my young man replied with a fm the dagger and i m supposed to have run right through his heart don t you see isn t it funny very funny agreed beginning to smile faintly that s what i said when he gave it to me but he was very cross and told | 33 |
me it wasn t funny at all it was poetry you re feeling better now aren t you dear oh yes and dried his eyes on her apron don t you mind me i m only a little tired as you say i ll have my tea now he sat down to table and made such a brave show of being hungry that soon withdrew quite satisfied but when she had gone he ceased eating and went to his old seat in the window there to dream and muse he tried before the evening closed in to study some more of the subjects professor had left for his consideration but he could not his head swam directly he bent over a printed page bo he gave up the attempt in despair he watched the sun sink and the stars come out and then went willingly enough to bed before he shut his little bed room window he heard an owl among the neighbouring woods and thought what a pitiful cry it uttered perhaps it is like me wondering why it was ever made he said to himself and perhaps it thinks the as cruel as i do chapter ix tired out as he was sleep came reluctantly to s eyes that night there was an odd quick behind his brows which him for a long time and would not let him rest it seemed to him like a little mill for ever turning and grinding out portions of facts which he had recently committed to memory bits of history bits of grammar bits of bits of latin bits of greek till he began to wonder how all the bits would piece themselves together and make a comprehensive ground work for further instruction by and by he found himself considering how very stupid it was of richard de lion to make so much fuss over the holy when now there were so many clever men alive who were all agreed that christ was a and that there never was any holy at all what a very dense king was richard what a brave with his perpetual oath par le de while all the time if he had only known it the was just a mechanical thing with no de about it and oh what a wicked waste of life there had been what terrific for the faith merely to end in an age which was prepared to deny and utterly condemn all spiritual and supernatural whatsoever gradually and by gentle degrees de lion and the de and the and with bits of facts and bits of professor s features curiously joined on to the dreadful of the silly man of the village got all together in confusion and the little tiresome mill in his head turned slower and slower and presently ceased to grind and he fell into a profound slumber the deep trance of utter exhaustion so dead asleep was he that a voice calling only reached his consciousness at last as though it were a faint far oflf sound in a dream and not till the call had been repeated many times did he start up rubbing his heavy eyelids and gazing in speechless alarm at a mysterious figure bending over his bed the room was dark save for the moonlight that struck one wide beam across the floor and he could not for a moment imagine what strange and thus roused him from his rest but before he had time to think the figure s arms were round him and its voice murmured tenderly have i frightened you poor boy poor baby don t you know me mother and in his sudden surprise and joy he sprang up half out of bed to return her embrace how good of you to come and see me and you haven t even taken your hat and cloak did tell you i wanted to wait up for you no didn t tell me answered mrs drawing him more closely to her breast poor child how thin you are such a little bag o bones you mustn t catch cold curl yourself under my cloak so there now i want you to be very quiet and listen to me attentively will you yes mother under the warm cloak with her arms round him was in a state of perfect happiness this unexpected visit seemed too good to be true he was secretly astonished but entirely glad he had never dreamed of the possibility of so much consolation and delight you feel so small said his mother then with a tremulous laugh in your little you seem just a mere bundle of a baby the very same sort of bundle i used to carry about and be so proud of you were a baby once you know closer and kissed her soft hand yes mother i suppose i was well now she went on speaking rapidly and in low tones you must try and understand all i say to you i am going away dear for a time on a visit with a friend who wishes to make me happy i m not very happy just at present neither are you i you see your father is clever and good and her voice here rang with a delicate of mockery and very naturally he does not care much for people who are not equally clever and good so it makes it to get on with him sometimes he does not like me to sing and dance and amuse myself any more than he likes you to play games with other boys you are too young to go about by yourself and have a good time yet but by you will grow up and you will know what a good time means you | 33 |
safe place for me till till i come back it is the only remembrance i have of my baby when you were a baby i was a very proud little mamma as i have told you and no in any of the london shops seemed good enough or pretty enough for my boy so i had this one specially woven on one of the french after my own design for you to wear with your little white it is blue silk and the pattern on it is a chain don t let your father see it but keep it for me till i return and ask you for it i don t feel like taking it with me where i am going see i ll put it under your pillow and io you must hide it somewhere in the morning will you yes mother but but will you be long away he asked this timidly bewildered and frightened by he knew not what i don t know darling she answered it all depends your father will give you all the news of me and he will be sure to tell you that you mustn t love me do you hear that you mustn t love me but i shall he said gently nobody can prevent it i shall always love you she sat very still a moment the brooding shadow heavy on her face you think so now she murmured more to herself than to him poor boy you think so now but when you know then she caught him close to her breast and kissed him now for the nest she said lifting him up and laying him back into bed again her eyes resting upon him with a miserable yearning though she forced a strange smile all the moonlight shines on your pale face and y u look oh you look like a little dead child my darling like a little dead child and suddenly falling on her knees she threw her arms across the bed and dropping her head upon them sobbed as though her heart were breaking poor shivered in every limb with alarm and distress his sensitive soul was by his mother s anguish though it was incomprehensible to him and he felt as if indeed it would be better to die than to see her thus don t cry mother he faltered at last faintly oh don t cry she raised herself and dried her eyes with a handkerchief from which the delicate of came floating sweet as the breath of the living flowers no i won t cry darling she answered beginning to laugh i don t know really why i should because i am quite happy quite and rising to her feet she fastened her cloak about her with hands that trembled greatly saw the diamonds on her white fingers shake like drops of dew about to fall i m going to have a splendid time and enjoy myself thoroughly this she said with a curiously defiant air and whatever happens afterwards may happen as it likes i don t care she repeated the words with hard emphasis care years ago i should have cared dreadfully but i ve been taught not to care and now i don t don t care was hung they say but as far as i m concerned it really doesn t matter whether one s hung or drowned or dies of a fever or a it s all the same a hundred years hence she lifted her hands to her head and with a touch settled the small velvet hat she wore more her hair while looking up at her from his pillow saw all her wonderful beauty as it were in the ethereal radiance of the moon and as he looked he felt by some strange instinct that he must try to hold her back from some unknown yet menacing peril mother don t go he pleaded stay tonight at any rate wait till to morrow oh do mother don t leave me he stretched out his little arms and his eyes full of child yearning and student thought appealed to her with a speechless eloquence she bent over him again and taking his hands pressed them close to her bosom dear if i had any heart i shouldn t leave you she said i know that but i have none not a scrap i want you to remember this and then you will not feel at all sad about me people without hearts always get on best in this world your mother used to have a heart full of romance and nonsense and sentiment and faith yes dear even faith your mother was a very ignorant woman once so ignorant as to actually believe in a god you know how angry your father is with silly folks who believe in a god well he soon got me out of all those foolish ways and taught me that the only necessary rule of life was respectability oh you don t know how dull respectability can be how hopelessly dull you don t know you can t understand that when the only object in life is to be respectable and nothing more no other ambition no other future no other end it becomes deadly even desperate you can t understand you are too young poor you are only a child and i m talking to you as if you were a man good bye dear love me for to night you may love me a little just till morning comes i like to think you are loving me good bye | 33 |
he clung round her neck don t go mother he whispered she kissed him passionately i must i should die or go mad if i didn t i am tired to death i want a change but you won t be long away he murmured still holding her fast not long she replied mechanically not long see til make you a promise i ll come back directly your father sends for me and she laughed a little cold laugh which somehow chilled s blood my little boy my pet you must not cling to me so you hurt me i cannot bear it oh i cannot bear it a faint cry that was half a sob escaped her and she almost roughly his arms from about her neck and put him back on his pillow he was pained and bewildered did i really hurt you mother he asked wistfully yes you really hurt me you you pulled my hair and she smiled her beautiful eyes shining down upon him like stars in the ness and i felt as though your little fingers were pulling at my heart too only i have no heart i forgot that but you mustn t forget it she paused for at that moment the noise of wheels was heard outside on the gravel of the carriage drive and she listened with a strange wild look of expectation on her face you ve read all about the french revolution haven t you oh yes poor little i know you have i you ve got all the troubles of louis seize by heart you remember when the or death carts used to come rattling along the streets to fetch the people for execution well i heard the wheels of my just now it has come for me and fm going to execution by choice not by roused to sudden energy sprang up in his bed mother mother you sha n t go he exclaimed quite desperately i ll come with you if you do you mustn t leave me behind her fair features hardened as with a determined grasp she caught hold of him and laid him down again naughty boy she said sharply you ll make me very angry and i shall be sorry i came i to see you and say good night lie still and go to sleep if you love me you must obey me shivering a little he turned from her and hid his face in the pillow shrinking from the imperious regard of those wonderful eyes of hers which could flash with wrath as well as with tenderness and the old dull sense that he was nothing to her and less than nothing stole upon him almost unawares presently moved by quick she stooped towards him and ran her fingers through his curls there i did not mean to be cross forgive me and kiss me good bye darling silently he put his arms round her the moonlight fell across the bed the faces of both child and mother on the one was written with touching pathos the last hopeless helpless appeal of innocence and grief on the other a reckless resolve and a despairing self contempt life gone to waste and ruin through and neglect such was the history declared in every line of s countenance as she clasped her boy once more to her breast kissing him on lips cheeks and brow and the thick soft clusters of his hair with loving lingering fingers good bye good bye she whispered i have no heart or it would break good bye my pet my baby love me till to morrow good bye with this last good bye she tore herself resolutely away from him and before he could quite it she had gone he lay still for a moment trembling then on a sudden impulse left his bed and ran bare footed out on the landing where he paused at the top of the stairs frightened and all was dark and silent mother he called faintly a door swung to with a creaking groan and rattle a rising wind sighed through the mother the plaintive cry was swallowed up and lost in the darkness but as he listened with every nerve strained and every sense on the alert he heard the noise of trotting horses hoofs and carriage wheels apparently retreating at a rapid rate up the road he rushed back to his room and hastily opening the window looked out it was full moonlight every object in the landscape was as clearly defined as in broad day but not a trace of any human creature was visible the night air was chilly and his teeth i tn e with cold but he was hardly aware of this so great was the burden of sorrow and desolation that had fallen on his heart he raised his eyes to the clear sky one splendid star whose glowing lustre was scarcely lessened by the rays of the moon shone immediately opposite to him like a silver lamp in heaven answering each other with dismal and scared fluttered in and out among the trees which were now beginning to sway languidly to and fro in a light breeze coming up from the sea and the impression of disaster and gloom deepened in the boy s soul and once again from his trembling lips came the piteous wailing cry mother oh mother then a great rush of tears blinded his sight and feeling his way back to bed through the salt haze of that bitter falling rain he huddled himself into a forlorn little heap of misery and sobbed himself to sleep chapter x next morning he showed | 33 |
few signs of the grief he had suffered during the night true he was much paler than usual and very silent but being well accustomed to hide his emotions and keep his troubles to himself he complained of nothing not even to when as she brought him his breakfast she said in rather a manner your ma came home last night master and went away again what do you think of that i don t think anything he replied wearily why should i it s not my business hesitated should she tell him what all the servants in the house too truly suspected what the very villagers in were already about at their cottage doors and in the common room of the inn no i can t do it she mentally decided he looks as white as a little ghost he do and x i won t bother him he wouldn t understand maybe and he s got all his lessons to learn poor little chap and it ll only him anyhow he ll hear it fast enough aloud she said i suppose your pa and the professor will be home by the first coach from this morning i suppose so assented indifferently i don t like myself went on people talk about it a lot but it s just a nasty damp up and down place without any real comfort in it they ve got a queer car now that up the hill from to and that doesn t make it any prettier i can tell you she paused then added by way of a totally after thought there s a letter addressed to your pa in your ma s writing waiting for him on his study table remained silent pretending to be entirely absorbed in the enjoyment of his breakfast finding he was not inclined to talk soon left him to himself much to his relief for when quite alone he was fi ee to push away the food that him to even look at and to think his own thoughts without interruption his mother s strange visit to his bedside during the night her stranger words her tears her kisses seemed this morning more like the vague impressions of a dream than a reality and unless he had found the his own baby she had left with him under his pillow he would have been inclined to doubt the whole incident as it was he was afraid to dwell too much upon it for he had a horrible that it meant something more than he dared something dreadful something hopeless something that for him would bring great misery he had carefully hidden away the baby a four yards length of broad soft ribbon with the delicate design of a chain over its pale blue silken ground he had looked at it first with critical interest wondering what he had been like when as an infant he had worn such a pretty thing and noting that it was scented with the same delicious of that had been from his mother s handkerchief when she had dried her eyes after her sudden fit of weeping having put it by in a safe place he knew of he went to his books and set himself desperately to work in order to try and forget his own beginning by a passage of into english blank verse he went on to caesar s com then he did several difficult and sums and was stretching every small fibre of his young brain well on the rack of learning when a coach horn sounded and he saw the coach itself come rattling into his father and professor were on top that he saw at a glance and in another few minutes he taking cautious from the school room window perceived their two familiar figures walking up the drive and entering the house and now something seemed to stop the boy from the of his tasks a curious sensation came over him as though he were to wait and hear the worst what worst he could not any worst satisfactorily to himself yet a violent ringing of bells in the outside corridor startled him and set his heart beating rapidly he got up from his chair and stood anxiously listening and wondering what was the matter all at once his father s voice pitched in a high hoarse key of utmost wrath called loudly where is the boy has he turned tramp as his mother has turned the sentence was left unfinished for at that moment ran down the stairs quickly and faced him i am here father he trembled as he spoke for he thought his father had suddenly gone mad crimson with fury his eyes rolling wildly in his head his teeth clenched on his under lip he was a terrible sight to see and his aspect overwhelmed poor with such alarm that he scarcely perceived the professor who stood in the background his great together and his mouth into a strangely grin directly his little son appeared mr pulled himself up as it were by a violent and bringing his eyebrows together so that they met in a hard black line on the bridge of his nose he said in choked fierce accents oh you are here did you he paused took breath and resumed did you see your mother yesterday yes answered the boy faintly i saw her last night i was in bed and she came and woke me up and said good bye to me mr glared at the fragile trembling little figure in frowning scorn said good bye to you was that all or was there anything else speak out s teeth began to chatter with fear she said she said she was going on a visit with | 33 |
with a friend who would make her happy here a deep and awful oath sprang from mr s lips causing the professor to cough loudly by way of remonstrance and and she said she was not very happy just now and that she wanted a change she said she would not be gone long and she cried very much and kissed me and she promised she would come back as soon as you sent for her oh dear whatever is the matter oh father do tell me please he staggered a little his head swam and he lost breath yes i will tell you cried his father furiously i will tell you truths as she has told you lies your mother is a vile woman a wretch a a disgrace to me and to you do you know what it is when a wife leaves her husband and runs away like a thief in the night with another man if you do no know you must learn for this is what your mother has done the friend who is to make her i happy and mr s angry darkened with a hideous sneer is sir charles the fashionable pet of society she has gone with him she will never come back she has my name and glories in her never think of her again never speak of her from this day remember you have no mother put up his trembling little hands to his head as though he sought to shield himself from a storm of blows his heart beat wildly he tried to speak but could not he stared helplessly at professor and half fancied he saw a gleam of something like pity across the wrinkled and sour of that learned man but all was and dim if before his sight and the only distinct things he were the horror of his father s face and the still greater horror of his father s words you know the meaning of a life went on mr young as you are you have read in history how there have been men and women too who have chosen to die rather than live disgraced not so your mother she delights in her wickedness she to live in open rather than in is honour in her wanton selfishness she has thought nothing either of me or of you she is thoroughly bad in times she would have been set in the or whipped at the cart s tail and richly would she have deserved such punishment and as he spoke his right hand clenched suddenly as though in imagination he held the he would fain have used to and the flesh of his wife when you are a man you will blush to think she ever was your mother she has made herself a scandal to society she is a and degraded example of impudence and she but here stumbled forward and laid his weak little hand on his father s arm oh no father no i can t bear it i can t bear it he cried i love her i love her i do indeed i can t help it she kissed me only last night father yes and she took me in her arms oh i can t forget it i can t really i love her i do oh mother mother thus he saw his father s eyes flame upon him like balls of fire his father s form seemed to all at once to twice its natural dimensions he heard the growling voice of the professor with the words the boy has had enough let him be then on a blind impulse he ran ran ran headlong out of the house not knowing in the least where he was going but only bent on getting away somewhere anywhere only away down the road he rushed panting like a little escaped mad thing the sun beating hot on his uncovered head as in a wild vision he heard voices calling him and saw strange faces looking at him till suddenly he became aware of a familiar figure approaching him a figure he dimly recognised as that of his old acquaintance cleverly whom he had never seen since his had left running straight towards her he cried aloud oh miss it isn t true is it oh do tell me it can t be true my mother hasn t gone away for ever has she oh no surely not oh no no no she loves me i know she does she would not leave me she wouldn t i m sure o do tell me dear miss you do not think she is wicked do you over the weather beaten face of the kindly is funny man mr i mean he used to s that nothing was everything and everything was nothing he said this so often and laughed sc much over it that i was afraid he was quite mad so i used to avoid the subject altogether now you have come i am sur you can make it clear to me so that i understand properly because it is very interest ing don t you think to know exactly where the is and what it s doing slowly and with an uncomfortable sense oi professor rallied his scattered forces you ask to know what no one knows he said harshly that there is a first cause of things is evident but where it is and where it came from is an mystery it is in all probability now absorbed in its own extended forces | 33 |
all we know is that it works or has worked and that we see its results in the universe around us s face darkened with disappointment you call it a first cause he said and are you really quite sure the first cause is an no one can be sure of anything in such le results of t know king things thought it doing we ling even in we are it does seem that all is done by a hat it is about ind i think if that the first the boy is and if he were x grand and beau n eternal person he new and stiu more not be surprised at and millions of i if he were good hi m destroy anything i be kind too and k i if he were good p destroy anything d f h s kind too a j p is brain and produce thought the moving in a state of transition which cause change both in the development of worlds and the progress of man good heavens i could go on quoting hundreds of instances which prove beyond a doubt that we are entirely governed by the movement and of but you are too young to understand you could never grasp the advanced scientific doctrines of the day it is ridiculous to discuss them with a boy like you i don t think it is ridiculous said placidly because you see i am rather an unhappy sort of boy i think a good deal if i were happy i might not think mr says there are lots of boys who never think at all and that they get on much better than i do but when one can t help thinking what is one to do oh dear and he heaved a profound sigh i did hope you would be able to clear up all my difficulties for me the professor rubbed his great hands together cracked his and awkwardly but was otherwise silent you know went on it doesn t make you care very much about living if you there s no good in it and that you are only the smallest possible of the results of an which didn t care and didn t know what it was about when it started making things i should be ever so much happier if i thought it was a person who knew what he was doing we are supposed to know what we are doing even in very small trifles and if we know we are considered quite silly and useless so it does seem rather funny to me that we should decide that all the beautiful work of the universe is done by a thing that hasn t any notion what it is about it would be much easier to understand i think if the scientific people could agree that the first cause was a person who knew still the professor was silent a person who knew continued the boy thoughtfully would have ideas and if he were a good person they would all be grand and beautiful ideas and if he were an eternal person he would be new and still more wonderful things so we should not be surprised at knowing he had made millions and millions of stars and and if he were good himself he would never quite destroy anything that had good in it he would be kind too and he would always be improving and helping on o thing he had made because as a person he would have feeling and when people got into trouble or sickness or poverty he would comfort them somehow we might not see how he did it but he would be sure to manage it he could not help being sorry for sorrow if he were a good person yes the more i think of it the more likely it seems to me beautiful flowers and beautiful colours in the sky and music these things make the idea of a person much pleasanter and more natural to me than an an may be a person or a person an said the professor involuntarily into argument by the weird and old air of the little lad who still stood confidently close to his knee looking frankly up into his hard face and who at this observation laughed softly that sounds like mr who said everything was nothing and nothing was everything he remarked but i don t think it could be so you know you can t make anything of an but the object the shows you ir you couldn t say it thinks or sees it would have to think and see to arrange colours perfectly and it would have to hear in order to i i make i ve gone over all this ever so many times in my own mind and this is how it seems to me i believe i do really believe with all the wonderful discoveries we are making we shall find out the to be a person after all and that he knows exactly what he s doing and what were doing what a good thing that will be won t it because then we can some day ask him to explain all that we don t understand of course we might ask the but i don t see how it could be expected to answer as it is only supposed to be just twisting about with no object in particular the professor felt an odd chill as of cold water running down his back at the strange arguments of this child whom he began to consider the suggestion that it would be a good thing if the scientific were discovered to be a person had something in it of positive terror and the learned was conscious that for him | 33 |
and his particular set such a discovery would be anything but pleasant uncomfortable thoughts occurred to him he knew not why of the time when he dry man of theory though he now was had been a small inquisitive ii i stem boy himself and when he had recognised the very person dimly imagined the pure fearless grand image of god in christ to whom at his mother s knee he had daily and nightly prayed but against whose divine faith and noble teaching he led away by plausible modern now turned with a mockery and sarcasm exceeding the bitterness of any old world for he was one of that new and select band of men and women who enjoying the singular liberties and privileges of the christian creed are nevertheless in their attempts to destroy it and who scruple not to stone the god founder and him afresh with an ingratitude as monstrous as it is women especially who but for christianity would still be in the low place of bondage and humiliation formerly assigned to them in the periods arc most of all to be reproached for their wicked and wanton attacks upon their great who pitied and their weaknesses as they had never been pitied or before and was not the professor himself thinking seriously of one such christ female with short hair and spectacles who had taken high honours at and who was eminently fitted to become the mother of a brood of who like human would be prepared to swallow benefits and deny the benefactor such reflections as these chased one another through the eminent s mind and ruffled his he almost felt as if he would like to shake the boy who stood there calmly which could never be solved you have talked quite enough on this subject he said roughly and if you were to ask me questions for a year i could tell you no more than science teaches all are and the universe is not and could never be the work of a person or persons the ignorant may build themselves up a god if they choose we know better all creation as you have already been told is the result of a of but where the first is or where any of the came from is beyond human ingenuity to discover we know nothing of the reasons why we live s face grew very pale then life is a very cruel thing and not worth having he said it is wicked indeed that people should be born at all if no good is to come of it if there s no reason for anything and no future object for anybody i don t see why we should take the trouble to live it s all a mistake and a and a very stupid business i think the professor rose from his chair and stretching his long legs at ease smiled a smile what j think is of no import he observed we are here and being here we must make the best of our time but what you think is of no import either returned simply the doesn t care any more about you than it does about me it s all the same you see you are clever and i am stupid and you are clever i suppose because you like to please people by your cleverness now i should never care about pleasing people i would rather please the if it could be pleased because it is everything people included but it can t be pleased because it is blind and deaf and senseless it just goes on and doesn t know anything even about itself and whatever best we make of our time it s no use because we die and there s an end will you like to die the professor felt himself becoming impatient and certainly not no sane man likes to die i intend to live as long as possible do you really just fancy and s eyes grew larger with genuine astonishment now how different that is to me i would much rather die than live to be as old and wise as you are do you mean to be insolent sir demanded the professor growing suddenly livid with anger insolent oh dear no indeed no exclaimed the boy quickly did i say anything rude if i did i am sorry please excuse me i meant no harm only i do think it seems dreadful to look forward to so many long long years of work and trouble and worry all for nothing and that is why i would not like myself to live to be very old are you going out in the garden here is your hat and your stick and he handed these articles with a pretty grace to the irritated who down upon him uncertain what to do or say there are lots of beautiful roses growing wild you will find them near the hedge that makes the boundary of the grounds any quantity of them do you know i m very glad the managed to make roses as well as human beings professor clapped his hat well down on his bald head and fixed his severe eye on the small philosopher read that chapter i have marked for you in caesar s he said it will steady your ideas you are inclined to be and fantastic now let me tell you once for all i don t like or fancies of any kind stick to facts master them thoroughly and it is possible i may make something of you but let me hear no more nonsense about and this world is your business and beyond this world | 33 |
you have no business with that he strode out and left alone sank wearily into his chair it s very funny but i ve always noticed people get angry over what they can t understand he mused and they won t listen to any suggestions or try to learn either the professor knows as well as i do that there is a cause for everything only he won t take the trouble to reason it out as to whether it s an or a person he s got a theory and nothing will alter it now believes in a person i wish i could see again and ask him one or two questions he sighed profoundly and feeling the air of the room oppressive he opened the and looked out it was high the sun was hot on the flower beds the scarlet fire the drooped fainting on their slim only the great lifted themselves proudly aloft to give their bright deity golden stare for stare the birds overcome by the heat were mute and in hiding under cool of green leaves on a side path shaded by elm trees presently caught sight of the professor walking up and down with his father in earnest conversation and as he watched them he smiled a weird little smile they are talking about me i he reflected the professor is very likely telling my father what a curious boy i am to ask him questions about the or anything that has to do with the reasons of our being alive and perhaps they will get into an argument on the subject themselves well it may be curious and no doubt it s very troublesome of me to want to know why we live and what s the good of it but i can t help it i do want to know i don t see how any one can help wanting to know and i i think it would be much more interesting and useful to study and find out these things than to learn greek and latin then being a very little creature and to please even the grim old now placed in authority over him he moved away from the window seated himself at the big table desk and opened caesar s at the marked chapter which he read and meditated upon with grave patience till called to dinner chapter the days now went on in a dull and regular routine of study to learn was made the chief object of s existence and the only and exercise he had was a solemn walk with the professor along the dusty high road every afternoon that distinguished did not care for woods and fields he detested the sea and the mere suggestion of a scramble on the beach of would have filled him with horror nothing could ever have induced him to enter a row boat or climb a hill and his sole idea of a walk was a silent constitutional along a straight road in the glare of the sun he took large strides and sometimes s little legs had difficulty in keeping up with him while as to conversation there was none the professor s knowledge of things in general was derived from books s ideas were the instinctive of natural and the two c i s did not moreover if his young pupil showed the slightest tendency to discuss any more difficult and problems concerning life death or eternity the learned invariably became abstracted and lost in the of profound and his brows and sucked his tongue and made himself look altogether so ugly that he successfully warned off and kept at a distance all undue familiarity and confidence however had by this time discovered the wisdom of holding his peace he shut up his thoughts within himself though at times they seemed to be getting too much for him and often kept him awake at night giving him an odd burning pain and in his head and the old and languor from which he was wont to suffer had returned upon him with intensity while the vivacity and brightness with which he had astonished his on the first morning of his examination by that eminent coach had completely vanished his progress now was slow and the professor declared him to be a disappointment as a matter of fact the poor little lad found his tasks growing heavier and heavier each day each day he felt less inclined to work and the mass of information he was expected to master grew daily more and more of a confusion and at times too he was conscious of a very dreadful sensation which frightened him a kind of wild desire to scream aloud jump from the open window or do something that would be wholly unlike himself and inexplicable to reason at such moments he would his small hot hands hard bite his lips and apply himself more to his lessons than ever though the nervous terror of his own feelings often became so strong as to make him tremble and turn cold from head to foot but he never complained and save that to a close observer his eyes appeared heavier and his mouth more set in the pained line of hard self control his looks never betrayed him one fine day fortune favoured him with a brief from toil and an equally brief glimpse of happiness his father and professor suddenly decided to go on an excursion together to and called by some the of england though this term is sadly the snowy peaks and glittering of the cannot be brought into a moment s comparison with the up hill and of which is surpassed even in its own neighbourhood by the romantic loveliness of the ideal village | 33 |
known as while its over abundance of foliage makes it somewhat gloomy and to the spirits though it offers a beautiful picture to the eyes the professor however was anxious to test its claim to be a personally and mr who himself on having read up the local of interest resolved to accompany him as guide philosopher and friend they arranged therefore to go by coach remain the night at the castle hotel which commands the finest view of the whole valley of and return to the following morning was left well supplied with work and was likewise severely warned not to go further astray than the garden surrounding the house mrs had driven early into to spend the day with some of her london friends who were staying there and she was not expected back till late in the evening you will have the house to yourself and this will be an excellent test of your obedience said mr as when he was prepared to start on his pleasure trip he stood for a moment frowning heavily down on his small pale son i suppose you know what is meant by a word of honour i suppose so answered the boy with a slight weary smile then you will give me your word of honour not to leave these grounds went on his father this is a large garden quite sufficient for you to take exercise in and if you study the subjects selected for you you will not have much time to waste in rambling no more running about like one of the common village boys and acquaintance with do you hear i hear said and you promise not to leave the grounds on my word of honour and again smiled this time almost he has a fairly good idea of the obligations of duty put in professor gathering together his shaggy brows i consider that to be his strongest point said nothing he had nothing to say if he had uttered what was in his mind it would neither have been understood nor attended to grown men have little patience with the troubles of a child though such troubles may be as deep and acute as any that are endured by the world worn nay possibly more so for sorrow is a strange and cruel thing to the very young but to the old it has become a familiar comrade whose being of almost daily occurrence are met with comparative when at last his father and the professor had fairly gone and he had actually seen them pass the house on the top of the coach being driven away from the boy was sensible of a sudden great relief as though a burden had been lifted from his heart and brain he leaned out of the school room window the fresh air and his thoughtful little looked for a few moments almost as young as nature meant it to be he was sorry his mother was not at home he would have liked to run downstairs and find her and kiss that beautiful face which had softened into such unusual tenderness for him when he had returned home from his stolen holiday perhaps she might come back early from he hoped she would if her friends did not detain her as long as she expected it was possible he might see her and talk to her before he went to bed a vaguely comforting idea stole into his mind that she his own dear beautiful mother loved him after all though it was difficult to believe it very difficult because she hardly ever spoke to him never expressed a wish to have him with her and truly appeared to take little or no interest in his existence and yet could not forget the sweet look of her eyes or the sudden kiss she had given him on that memorable afternoon of his wanderings now nearly a fortnight ago he sighed a whole fortnight had passed and he had had no from work no from the crushing society of professor till to day to day was a real and must be made the best of he said to himself as he gazed wistfully at the lovely of wood and hill and meadow all bathed in the haze of summer warmth which softened every feature of the landscape and made it look more dream like than real the sun was so bright and the grass so green that he presently decided to go and study his lessons in the garden and selecting a couple of books from the pile which the professor had left in order on the school room table he put them under his arm and went out he drew a long breath of pleasure when he found himself in the side path running parallel to the boundary hedge where the roses grew their exquisite fresh faces pink white and red seemed to smile at him as he approached and the from their suggested happy fancies to his mind strolling up and down in delightful solitude he forgot all about his books or rather thought of them just sufficiently to relieve himself from the burden of them by putting the two he carried aside on a garden seat there to await his pleasure and presently he threw himself down full length on a sloping bank of turf warmed by the sun and folding his arms behind him let his head rest upon them while he gazed straight up into the infinite reaches of the glorious blue sky there sailed a stray bit of cloud here flew a swift winged swallow and immediately above him quivering aloft among the like a jewel suspended in mid heaven a lark with all that tender which has inspired one of the sweetest of our english poets to write | 33 |
there be lots o roses t there this with an inquiring glance and suggestive took the hint and springing up ran to i gather for her a of the prettiest half open he could find then tying them up with a bit of string he had in his pocket he knelt down again and gave them gently into her hands she buried her tiny nose deep among the scented o how bee oo ful she sighed ee se a rare nice boy i likes ee where s your now he laughed just where they always were dear i expect he answered i don t suppose anything will ever move them out of s it s always the same old story you know nodded always the same story she echoed with a i member bout a bad lady an big men oh there s a bee she huddled herself and her roses up into a heap her pretty little face expressive of the dismay as a big bee round and round her in apparent doubt as to whether she might not be some new specimen of growth full of delicious honey and himself with a long leaf did battle with the winged till it became thoroughly convinced that these small pretty creatures were human beings not flowers and lazily off on another quest for dainty he a bad bee said looking after the insect and slowly her close attitude he s got all the flowers i th garden an they be for him mine t they of course they ought agreed feeling quite happy in the companionship of his little village friend as he parted the dividing screen of flowers and leaves and drew closer to her tell me did you come all by yourself across that big field over there she replied proudly the field s just th church an this big where lives calls it short cut sometimes it s full o cows an i se of em an i can t but to day there s no cows so i all th way to see ee and she looked at him when s ee to see me s bright face clouded i don t know he said sadly i wish i could come you don t think i wouldn t come if i could fast enough but i have such a lot of lessons to do just now they take up all my time besides i m not allowed to go anywhere except with the professor the s ee inquired he s my a very clever man who teaches me looked puzzled well can t the with ee an see me an my i m afraid he wouldn t care to he s a very old man know interrupted with a nod of her head he s a bad man he doesn t want to see me he s like the bad man i th fairy book lost the i th wood an he s like didn t ee say would me if i came this edge eh yes and i expect he would said then he s bad declared the small lady with emphasis nobody t to me i se to be good then with a sudden change of tone she added poor so sorry for ee there was something strangely moving in her voice and always sensitive felt the tears rising very near his eyes why dear he asked rather while to hide his feelings he busied himself in the twist he had made of her hair and the blossoms i you se lonely an you won t see me never no more and again she raised her blue eyes to the blue heavens and looked as if she saw some dawning splendour there took both her little hands in his own and them there was a sadness at his heart but not the kind of sadness she seemed to suggest you mustn t say that he murmured gently i ll be sure to see you again often even when we go away from i sha n t forget you i shall come back and see you when i m a big man she peeped wistfully up at him you se be a long long time fore you se a big man she said i he was silent what she suggested was very true it would indeed be a long time before the big man stage of existence came to him if it ever came to him at all he was perfectly conscious within himself that he did not want to be a big man and that it was quite enough sadness for him to be a small boy he could not the possibility of his living through years and years of work and worry to attain this end of mere manhood and then to go on through more years of worse work and worry just to become old wrinkled and and drop into the grave forgetful of all that he had ever known and senseless to the fact that he had ever existed he was entirely aware that most people went through this kind of thing and didn t seem to mind it but somehow it did not commend itself to him as his own particular destiny if there were another life to be taken up after death then he could understand the necessity there might be for living this one nobly but the had done away with that hope and had declared death to be the only end of every soul s career thoughts such as these flitted vaguely through his brain while he knelt in front of holding her warm hands in his she in her turn regarding him seriously with her large soft eyes over the | 33 |
two children a silence and a shadow hung inexplicable to themselves or was it not so much a shadow as a brightness made impressive by the very stillness of its approach and the mystic glory of its presence it seemed incredible that the and cruel ways of the world should be waiting to pierce and torture these innocent young lives it was monstrous to imagine the dreamy eyed tender hearted boy growing up into the usual type of modern man the pattern demanded by the customs and of his kind and still more was the idea that the sweet baby girl with her pure look and heavenly smile should be destined for the rough lot of a mere peasant so to pass her days and end them without a touch of the finer which should and all the delicate of her nature was there nothing better in store for these children than what we call life who could tell if the deep charm which held them both mute could have dissolved itself in music some answer might have been given but god s cannot be into the language of mortals hence the reason of many expressive often us more eloquent than speech presently stirred uneasily in her nest of leaves goin now she announced oh must you go so soon exclaimed can t you stay a little longer up her rosy lips with a gravely important air i se not she said promised to fetch my ome to dinner an ee l be for me well will you come back again this afternoon urged the boy come back about four o clock and i ll be here to see you the little maid looked doubtful i doesn t know bout that she murmured my me this but you might leave the old horse for once to come to me pleaded you know i may have to go away altogether from soon sighed her eyes drooping then with a quick brightening of her face she well i u try p r i ll come an p r i won t be able to come but fm sure i ll see ee soon again i won t ave to wait till you se a big man i ll see ee long fore then mustn t me forget you certainly not responded the boy almost as he set the little white sun bonnet straight on her head and tied the strings of it under her pretty chin i shall never never forget you dear little she pushed herself further through the hedge on her hands and knees and smiled up at him wouldn t ee like to kiss me gain she demanded with sweetness for answer he put his arms round her neck all among the blossoms and tenderly pressed the little cherry of a mouth so frankly uplifted to his own good bye she said then beginning to scramble out from among the leaves good bye but not for long he answered not for long she echoed you sc sure not to me sure declared the boy smiling at her somewhat sadly as she now stood upright behind the hedge and her little figure could only be dimly seen through the close of leaves i she turned to go then on a sudden impulse ran back and with her two hands made a round through the trailing of so that her baby face looked literally framed in her own blossoms good bye not for long she said and with that she disappeared left alone once more did not feel quite so happy as he had done before his little visitor came somehow the pretty child s quick departure grieved him he longed to break through the boundary hedge and run after her and have another long and happy day of rest and freedom but he had given his word of honour to his father not to leave the grounds and he resisted the sore temptation that beset him yet certain it was that with the light of the landscape seemed to have fled a sense of desolation oppressed him and to his thoughts he took up the two books he had left on the garden seat and set himself to study them but in vain his mind wandered he could not fix his attention and he began watching the graceful movements of two that flew in and out among the roses pale blue pretty creatures like on wings and all at once the terrible of nature forced itself upon his attention as it had never done before and filled him with gloom nothing cares he thought if the best and wisest person that ever lived were in trouble or were to die everything would go on just the same the birds would sing and the dance and the flowers grow and the sun shine i suppose that is really why they have fixed upon an as the first cause of it all you can t expect an to care he moved slowly down the path and went towards the carriage drive where plenty of deep shade was cast by a double row of broad and fuu elms outside the closed he saw through the bars a man standing holding a basket in one hand and making uncouth signs to him with the other he advanced quickly then as quickly stopped as he more plainly perceived the hideous aspect of the unhappy creature who confronted him a miserable human with twisted tottering limbs lack lustre eyes and a grin upon the wide mouth which through illness or both and and the head of the wretched man jerked to and fro with an incessant motion in the basket he carried were a number of exquisite white roses together with several large beautifully polished rosy apples the fresh | 33 |
loveliness of these natural forming a strange and cruel contrast to the appearance of their ragged and miserable who continued to with his hand smiling that fixed and ghastly smile of his which no doubt he meant poor fellow as an expression of deference and but the boy chilled to the by the sight of such an unexpected image of horror in human shape stood stock still for a minute staring then turning he ran with all his might into the house and up to the school room every pulse in his body throbbing with nervous shock and oh it is quite right it must be right he gasped as he flung himself down in a chair and tried to forget the figure he had just seen it is an that created everything it couldn t be a person no person with pity or kindness could allow such a poor dreadful man as that to live on and suffer a good god would have killed him i t i he shuddered hiding his face in his hands his forehead and burned the burden of the horror of merely human things suddenly came down upon him and seemed greater than he could bear human toil human torture human weakness human helplessness all endured for nothing and only to end in death life then was a mere rack in which poor humanity was bound tormented and slain for so indeed must life appear to all who leave god out of it or set him aside as an unknown quantity he got up and walked to and fro how wicked it is he mused his young soul fired with strange and feverish indignation how vile to make us live against our wills we didn t ask to come into the world it is shameful we should be sent here unless there were some reason for it but there s none if there were one it would surely be explained a reasonable person would explain it believes there s a reason and thinks it s all right but then s he s quite ignorant he doesn t know any better i wonder what he would say about that beggar man could he tell why his god made such a dreadful creature iq he stopped in his uneasy rambling and struck by a sudden thought went rs in search of a particular book he looked in the drawing room and in his father s study and everywhere where books were kept but v then still possessed by the one idea he went along the stone passage that led to the back of the house and the servants offices and called one of the who had always been rather kind to him are you there yes master what is it have you got a testament you can lend me i want to look at it just for a few minutes why certainly and a bright wholesome faced girl of about twenty came out of the kitchen smiling til lend you my school prize one master i know you ll take great care of it that i will the boy assured her whereupon she tripped away and soon returned with a book carefully wrapped up in white paper she unfolded this and showed a handsome square volume bearing its title in letters of gold new testament don t you ink it there s a dear she said and give it to me back when you ve done with it nodded and returning to the school room shut the door then with a fluttering heart he opened the book what he looked for he soon found the story of christ healing the he had been taught was the most frightful disease known both hereditary and it was a deadly that tortured the limbs distorted the countenance and made of the human frame a thing human and ghastly yet christ never turned away in from any miserable creature so afflicted on the contrary he healed all who came to him and sent them on their way rejoicing yet on one such occasion when te were only one returned to give thanks to his great benefactor felt that there was something more in this narrative than was quite apparent in the mere reading of it something subtle and significant which he could not quite grasp though he began to reason with himself is it because we are ungrateful that life is made cruel for us or what is it his head ached and his eyes he closed the testament sorrowfully and with a deep sigh it s no use to me he said because though it s all very beautiful my father says it isn t true and in one of the books i have the writer who is a very clever man says it isn t at all certain that christ ever existed and that it was peter and paul who invented him oh dear me i wish i knew what to believe because even in the scientific arguments no one man with the other it s all a whichever way you turn he went downstairs again and returned the testament to its owner with a gentle thank you did you find what you wanted master asked the good natured girl not exactly he answered but it s all right here he hesitated did you see a beggar man selling roses and apples just now outside the carriage gate he was all twisted on one side and had such a dreadful face poor fellow said yes master i often see him he s the silly man of the village the children call him but he s not a beggar though he s more than half he s a rare | 33 |
good heart of his own and an idea of what s right and honest for he to make his own living and is a burden to nobody it s wonderful how he it i suppose god looks after him for no one else does god looks after him this gave new subject matter for reflection and he returned to the school room slowly and thoughtfully his dinner was brought up to him there and afterwards he set himself to work at his lessons hot head and trembling hands did not him from application and he worked on so steadily that he never knew how time went till a sudden sick seized him and he was obliged to get up and go out in the garden for fresh air lest he should faint he found then that it was four o clock and remembering that he had asked to come back to the in th edge at that hour he went to the appointed spot and waited there patiently till nearly five but the little maiden did not appear and he was quite down hearted and weary with disappointment as well as with when at last he went in to his tea had prepared that meal for him and she stood looking at him somewhat as he threw oflf his cap and approached the table i should get to bed early if i were you master she said kindly you look quite tired and wore out that you do i want to wait up till mother comes home he answered about and seemed uneasy in her mind at this oh i think you d better not she observed your pa d be very angry if you did you know you re always to be in bed by nine and your ma said she couldn t possibly get back before eleven you go to bed like a good boy or you ll get us all into trouble very well he said with an indifferent air i don t mind after all it isn t as if she cared you know if she cared here quite suddenly his lip began to tremble and to his own amazement and indignation he burst out crying the warm hearted had her arms round him in a minute why what s the matter dear she asked drawing the sobbing boy to her good womanly breast lor how you re trembling there there don t cry don t cry you re tired that s what it is poor little fellow you ve got too many lessons to learn and too little play i m real sorry that i am that mr has gone away so am murmured very much ashamed of his own emotion though he was child enough to feel a certain pleasure and comfort in having s kind arm round him i liked mr here he choked back his tears and s which was a brilliant of the village s skill being a heart with a long dagger run through it the said dagger having the name engraved on its harmless point who gave you that my young man replied with a i m the dagger and i m supposed to have run right through his heart don t you see isn t it funny very funny agreed beginning to smile faintly that s what i said when he gave it to me but he was very cross and told me it wasn t funny at all it was poetry you re feeling better now aren t you dear oh yes and dried his eyes on her apron don t you mind me i m only a little tired as you say til have my tea now he sat down to table and made such a brave show of being hungry that soon withdrew quite satisfied but when she had gone he ceased eating and went to his old seat in the window there to dream and muse he tried before the evening closed in to study some more of the subjects professor had left for his consideration but he could not his head swam directly he bent over a printed page bo he gave up the attempt in despair he watched the sun sink and the stars come out and then went willingly enough to bed before he shut his little bedroom window he heard an owl among the neighbouring woods and thought what a pitiful cry it uttered perhaps it is like me wondering why it was ever made he to and perhaps it thinks the as cruel as i do chapter xi better take him away for a few days said dr a brisk bright looking type of the country physician as he held his watch in one hand and felt s feeble pulse with the other give him a little change move him about a bit he s had a sort of nervous shock yes yes very sad i heard the news in the village shocking unhappily these domestic troubles are becoming very common most distressing for you tm sure these remarks were addressed to mr who alternately flushing and under the influence of his mingled sensations of indignation at the wrought upon him by his wife and vexation at the sudden illness of his son presented a somewhat singular spectacle had been brought into the house in a dead faint in the arms of a a person a common person who sold eggs and butter and milk in the village and called herself cleverly what ridiculous names these people gave themselves to be sure and the the person had presumed to express sympathy for him for john of in his great misfortune and had also dared to compassionate his son yes had actually before certain | 33 |
of the servants said may god help the poor dear little lamb it was most offensive and on the part of the person who called herself and mr as soon as she departed had given strict that she was never again to be admitted inside the premises on any pretext whatever this done he had sent for the principal doctor in who had attended the summons promptly trotting rapidly to the house on a stout which when he alighted from its broad back was handed over to the care of an equally stout boy who turned up mysteriously from somewhere in the village and appearing simultaneously with the doctor seemed to have been groom in ordinary to the all his life the stout boy had by some unknown process transferred the and of two prize apples into his cheeks and he had another apple in his pocket which he presently took out cut with a clasp knife and divided into equal proportions between the and himself to occupy the time spent by them both in waiting for the doctor outside mr s hall door the doctor meanwhile had successfully roused from the death like that had lasted till he came and himself breathing faintly and had half opened his eyes and was vaguely trying to think where he was and what had happened to him yes continued dr now lifting with delicate finger one of the boy s eyelids and peering at the ball of the soft eye beneath it i should certainly take him away as quickly as convenient to yourself it s not convenient to me at all said mr i can t go anywhere with him my time is fully occupied and his lessons will be materially interfered with and the doctor glanced him over from head to foot with considerable well you must decide for yourself of course but it is my duty as a medical man to inform you that if the boy is not moved at once and given some change from his present surroundings there is a danger of setting in and his constitution does not appear to me sufficiently robust to withstand it lessons just now are entirely out of the question mr frowned he took a sudden and violent aversion to dr he disliked and resented the expression of the shrewd blue eye that gave him such a straight look of criticism and censure and he felt that here was another fool like who had and sentiments he in a stately manner and said stiffly perhaps i can persuade professor who is he asked the doctor abruptly laying his big gentle hand on s brow and back the curls that clustered there with the soft touch of a woman mr stared then smiled a superior smile at the ignorance of this village professor he announced with politeness is one of our greatest and his fame is almost universal i should have thought it had penetrated even to this part of the country that is among the more inhabitants and he v i laid a slight emphasis on the word he is the author of many valuable scientific works and is an admirable and of youth as a rule he never the instruction of a boy so young as my son but out of consideration for me hearing that i had been compelled to dismiss rather suddenly an he very kindly accepted the task of my son s holiday it is possible he might be willing to accompany the boy for the change you advise if indeed you consider such a change absolutely necessary i do most decidedly said dr filling a with some cordial and gently placing it to s lips while in his turn feeling all the time as if he were in a dream swallowed the mixture i don t say take him far for he must on no account be over fatigued would be a good place let him go there with his and scramble about as he likes the sooner the better here he will only think and fret about his mother in fact you d better order a carriage and have him taken on as far as this very afternoon then the rest of the way can be done by easy stages the coach would be too for him you can t go with him yourself you say impossible and mr s mouth hardened into a thin tight line of inward and closely repressed rage i must go to town at once for a few days i have to consult my my lawyers oh ah yes i see i understand and the doctor gave a little nod of comprehension well can i have a talk to the boy s i should like to explain a few points to him certainly he is in the permit me to show you the way there one moment and dr gave a keen glance round the small apartment in which they were it was s bedroom whither he had been carried in his by the warm hearted cleverly the window was shut but the doctor threw it wide open plenty of fresh air food and rest he said that s what the boy wants and he must be amused he mustn t be left alone send one of the servants up here to sit with him till he s ready to start this afternoon send murmured s faint voice from the bed what s that my little man inquired the doctor bending over him send whom and looked up in his physician s round shiny face she is a and a very nice girl i like her dr smiled very good you shall have the desirable young woman shall come | 33 |
up to you at once now how do you feel much better thank you and the boy s eyes softened gratefully but you know i can t i can t forget things not very easily the doctor made no answer to this remark but merely settled the pillows more comfortably under his small patient s head then he went away with mr to make the acquaintance of professor and when came creeping softly up as commanded to watch by s bedside she found the little fellow sleeping with traces of tears glistening on his pale cheeks and his aspect was so touching and solemn in its innocence and sorrow and helplessness that being nothing but a woman and a warm hearted woman too she took out her handkerchief and had a good quiet cry all to herself how could she how could she leave the little dear she s wondered as she thought of the and shameful flight of her recent mistress to leave him meaning mr isn t so surprising it s wicked for he s a handful to live with and no mistake but to leave her own boy that s real downright bad of her that it is poor she had never read the works of and was entirely ignorant of the new morality as by mr grant had she been taught these modern she would have recognised in mrs s conduct merely a noble outbreak of white purity and virtue but she had notions of she believed in its in quite an obstinate prejudiced and old fashioned way she was nothing but a child of nature poor simple less and throughout all creation nature makes mother love a law and mother s duty meanwhile dr had the honour of shaking hands with professor and not only did he seem totally by the occurrence but he had actually the sublime impudence to ask for a private interview with the great man that is an interview without the presence of mr the latter personage surprised and somewhat offended reluctantly left the two gentlemen together for the space of about fifteen minutes at the end of which time the professor looked more thoughtful than usual and dr took his leave trotting off on his stout amid many respectful from the stout boy who straightway disappeared also to those unknown regions of whence he had emerged as if by magic directly his services were required and slept on and on till at a little after three o clock in the afternoon roused him and gave him a cup of soup which seemed to him particularly strong and well there s wine in it isn t there he asked with a surprised glance nodded smiling fancy giving me wine in my soup oh i say it s too good for me gave a slight and stated she had a cold it s my belief that this old house is damp she said and the whole village is crazy built and green in my opinion and what do you think master if that blessed old the silly man you saw the other morning ain t been here shaking his head over the gate and giving all his roses in for you for nothing and here they are and she raised a beautiful cluster of deep red pale pink and white half open fragrant and we couldn t make out what he wanted at first he was so and couldn t speak plain but at last we got at it it was for the little boy the little boy over and over again so we took the flowers just to please the poor creature he wouldn t have any money for them he saw you being carried home in your faint by miss and he thought you were dead did he murmured wistfully and that is why he brought the flowers i suppose thinking me dead poor man he s very dreadful to look at but he s very kind i and he can t help his looks can he no that he can t agreed simply and after all it s what we are that cares about not what we seem to be at these words a deep sadness clouded the boy s eyes and he thought of his mother was there a god to care what became of her or was there only the to whom nothing mattered neither sin nor sorrow nor death oh if he could only be sure that it was really a god who was the supreme cause and of all things a wise loving pitiful eternal and divine being how he would pray to him for his lost unhappy beautiful mother and ask him to bring her back but he had no time to on such questions for was now busy putting on his overcoat and finding his hat and packing his little and doing all sorts of things and while he was yet wondering at these arrangements and trying to stand firmly on his legs which were curiously weak and who should come largely across the threshold of his bedroom but professor professor with broad soft wide awake on and extensive flapping over all his habitual costume when travelling even in the weather and more wonderful than the wide awake or the over all was the smile that wrinkled the professor s grim features in several new places making little lines of agreeable among the deeper of thought and even turning up the stiff corners of his mouth in quite a strange manner inasmuch as his usual sort of smile always turned those corners down said the learned man with a air how are you now better thank you answered gently my head is a little that s all | 33 |
oh that s all is it well that isn t much and the professor stood alternately and grinning with a distinctly evident desire to make himself agreeable can you ride pick a back stared then smiled why yes i haven t often done it but i know how come along then and the professor down and bent his bony shoulders to the necessary level fu take you to the carriage that way hold on tight was stricken quite speechless with sheer amazement what professor the great scholar the not to be contradicted to carry a boy pick a back such a thing was unheard of surely it ought to be in the newspapers under a bold head line thus gracious conduct of an oxford professor k do you mean it really he asked timidly flushing with surprise certainly i do only don t keep me waiting long in this this absurd attitude and ferocity and kindness together played at such on his lantern that lost no time in getting his little legs round the neck of the distinguished man trembling as he did so at the very idea of taking such a liberty with a walking of wisdom and downstairs they went master and pupil in this wondrous fashion to the hall door outside which there was a big and pair of sleek brown horses waiting and where was slipped easily off the professor s back into a pile of soft cushions and covered up with warm then about packing all manner of odds and ends into the carriage and openly with the coachman in the very presence of the great one or two of the other servants came out to look and wave their hands then the horses started called good bye master come back quite well and away they drove through the beautiful air down the one principal street of past the quiet little harbour and up the picturesque road leading to mr had not appeared to bid his little son good bye and though he noticed the fact did not regret it resting comfortably among his pillows he was very silent though now and then he stole a glance at the professor who sat bolt upright surveying the landscape through his spectacles with the severely critical air of a man who knows just how scenery is made and won t stand any nonsense about it and it was not till they had left some distance behind them that he ventured to ask gently where are we going to replied the professor bringing his owl like glasses to bear on the little wistful face to him but not to night we only get as far as this afternoon is my father coming no he s going to london on business he ll be away a week or ten days and so shall we then we shall return to and stay there till your father s summer of the house i see murmured i understand and two great tears filled his eyes he was thinking of his mother but her name never passed his lips he turned his face a little away and thought he had hidden his emotion from his but he thought for the professor had seen the gleam of those tears and strange to say was moved thereby to what was for him a most unusual sentiment of pity he who had frequently witnessed the of innocent animals he who had watched a poor butterfly itself to death on his scientific pin was at last touched in the recesses of his heart by the troubles of a child and so perchance he established a claim for himself in the heaven he so denied a claim that might possibly be of more avail to him in the great hereafter than all his book lore and world logic meanwhile john of shut up in his own room in the now ly house at wrote to his lawyers preparing them for his visit to their office next day and instructed them at once to sue for his divorce from the co in the case being charles there would be no defence he added and then turning from his own statement of the facts he took up and re read the letter his wife had written him by way of farewell it ran thus i leave you without shame and without remorse while i was faithful to you you made my life a misery your pride and need i am glad to be at least the means of dragging you down in the dust of you have killed every womanly sentiment in me you have even separated me from my child you have robbed me of god of hope of every sense of duty i have gone with charles whose chief merit in my eyes is that he hates you as much as i do in other respects you know his character and so do i when you divorce me he will not marry me i would not have him if he offered i have consented to be his mistress in exchange for a year s amusement attention and liberty and for the rest of my life what shall i do i neither know nor care perhaps i shall repent perhaps i shall die to me nothing matters your creed the creed of self your self is content with dull respectability my self indulgence if anything could have kept me straight and given me patience to bear with your and it would have s been my boy s love but that you are deliberately bent on me of every day you set up new between him and me and yet loved you once you i laugh now to think of my folly you did everything you could to | 33 |
crush that love out of me you have succeeded what remnant of a heart i have s left with my spirit is in the boy s blood and already he against your petty tyranny sooner or later he will escape you may it be soon for the poor child s own sake and then whether there be a god or no god you will reap the curses you have so sown may they amply reward you for your generosity to your wife no longer over and over again mr read these words till they seemed burned into his brain far into the night he mused upon their purport and the phrases my spirit is in the boy s blood already he sooner or later he will escape you sounded loudly in his ears like threats from some unseen enemy no he muttered rising from his chair at last and thrusting the letter into a secret drawer of his desk let her go the the way of all such let her mix herself with the mud of the street and be forgotten but the boy is mine he shall obey me and i will crush her spirit out of him and make of him what i choose chapter xii poor beautiful once an ideal village for poets to sing of and artists to dream of to what base uses hast thou come now no longer a secluded bower for the melancholy mild eyed of thought no longer a blessed haven of rest for weary souls seeking from care and toil thou art as a place of interest for cheap who with loud noise of feet and goose like crowd thy one lovely street which is like nothing so much as a careless of flowers left by chance on the side of a hill and thrust their figures and inquisitive faces through thy picturesque and quaint windows it is as though a herd of swine should suddenly a fairy s garden the fine air and up the magic blossoms even thy inhabitants originally simple hearted gentle and hospitable with all the unaffected primitive sweetness of oldest english hospitality are by the disease of love of the is fast the love of nature and this to such an extent that even a in waiting at the new inn a native of the place hath had no scruple in her hair an outrageous straw tint with some or mixture hair in the village of it is a curious and g one a kind of shock hair painted cheeks and blackened eyebrows are the ordinary wherewith the women of our large and over crowded cities foolishly strive to make themselves look as much like their fallen sisters as possible and as it were voluntarily themselves as under but in a tiny village tenderly between two hills itself in a and crowned at the summit by a a village apparently born of nature cherished by nature and meant for nature what stranger sight can there be than an native maiden with hair as strange as though one should find a in full theatrical paint and costume seated among the and of the drive yet the girl s hair serves somewhat as a sign and symbol of the gradual of though dame nature with many fond tears of appealing love still the and the may blossom over the roofs and against the walls of the cherished spot and in all her tenderest ways for its preservation leave to me she cries let the herd wander over the face of foreign lands if they must and will let them break their bottles against the ruins of the in rome let them write their worthless names on the statue cathedral let them paint their glaring across the rocks and of let them at the features of the and vile phrases on the but spare me let me still keep the of my own sea paradise let me twist the crimson round the doors and bunch the purple blossoms of above the windows let me grow my and bright in the of the climbing street let me trail the golden creeping down the stone steps of side dwellings and in quaint hole and corner let me the in fragrant about the and chimneys and let me put all the sweetness of my flowers my sea foam my bright dr and my fresh foliage into the hearts of the people i would fain keep them a race apart the women simple noble maternal the men strong brave god fearing and manly with eyes grown blue in the of the sea and hearts kept young by the companionship of flowers and children so that even when storm rushes in from the atlantic and makes of my nothing but a shining gleam of light in a haze of rain and the thunder of the on the shore is as god s voice arguing with his creation these village folk may be and calm with faith in their souls and love in their hearts a contrast to the in cities who and spoilt in their fancied security of wealth and ease and away from the slightest tough of misfortune as rats fly from a falling house release me from the of savages and who have thrust themselves in upon this my deeply hidden nook and favourite bower let me keep from the world thus dame nature but her appeal is vain she could not save she will not save the s hand has fallen the work of destruction has already begun not outwardly but inwardly what though the present owners of the land have vowed to keep as it is what though they rightly and justly refuse to have hotels built and lodging | 33 |
houses set up to one of the most unique and exquisite spots in all creation the taint is in the hearts of the people the love of gain the of cash discontent and ambition like two evil have crept into and their and suggestions will in time prevail more strongly than all the earnest voices of good angels led a curious sort of life at he and the professor occupied the and little rooms that ever were designed rooms with floors that and that and that altogether suggested the remains of some earthquake by reason of numerous wide cracks in the walls and in the chimney and that yet were pretty with an odd old world not found everywhere the landlady of these desirable apartments was a by said good bye to you was that all or was there anything else speak out s teeth began to chatter with fear she said she said she was going on a visit with with a friend who would make her happy here a deep and awful oath sprang from mr s lips causing the professor to cough loudly by way of remonstrance and and she said she was not very happy just now and that she wanted a change she said she would not be gone long and she cried very much and kissed me and she promised she would come back as soon as you sent for her oh dear whatever is the matter oh father do tell me please he staggered a his head swam and he lost breath yes i will tell you cried his father furiously i will tell you truths as she has told you lies your mother is a vile woman a wretch a a disgrace to me and to you do you know what it is when a wife leaves her husband and runs away like a thief in the night with another man if you do know you must learn for this is what your mother has done the friend who is to make her happy and mr s angry darkened with a hideous sneer is sir charles the fashionable pet of society she has gone with him she will never come back she has my name and glories in her never think of her again never speak of her from this day remember you have no mother put up his trembling little hands to his head as though he sought to shield himself from a storm of blows his heart beat wildly he tried to speak but could not he stared helplessly at professor and half fancied he saw a gleam of something like pity across the wrinkled and sour of that learned man but all was and dim before his sight and the only distinct things he were the horror of his father s face and the still greater horror of his father s words you know the meaning of a life went on mr young as you are you have read in history how there have been men and women too who have chosen to die rather than live disgraced not so your mother she delights in her wickedness she to live in open rather than in is honour in her wanton selfishness she has thought nothing either of me or of you she is thoroughly bad in times she would have been set in the or whipped at the cart s tail and richly would she have deserved such punishment and as he spoke his right hand clenched suddenly as though in imagination he held the he would fain have used to and the flesh of his wife when you are a man you will blush to think she ever was your mother she has made herself a scandal to society she is a and degraded example of impudence and she but here stumbled forward and laid his weak little hand on his father s arm oh no father no i can t bear it i can t bear it he cried i love her i love her i do indeed i can t help it she kissed me only last night father yes and she took me in her arms oh i can t forget it i can t really r i love her i do oh mother mother thus he saw his father s eyes flame upon him like balls of fire his father s form seemed to all at once to twice its natural dimensions he heard the growling voice of the professor with the words the boy has had enough let him be then on a blind impulse he ran ran ran headlong out of the house not knowing in the least where he was going but only bent on getting away somewhere anywhere only away down the road he rushed panting like a little escaped mad thing the sun beating hot on his uncovered head as in a wild vision he heard voices calling him and saw strange faces looking at him till suddenly he became aware of a familiar figure approaching him a figure he dimly recognised as that of his old acquaintance cleverly whom he had never seen since his had left running straight towards her he cried aloud oh miss it isn t true is it oh do tell me it can t be true my mother hasn t gone away for ever has she oh no surely not oh no no no she loves me i know she does she would not leave me she wouldn t i m sure o do tell me dear miss you | 33 |
do not think she is wicked do you over the weather beaten face of the kindly came an expression of the deepest aye almost divine compassion in one moment her womanly soul comprehended the child s torture his bewilderment his grief his exceeding loneliness and without a word in answer she opened her arms but gazing at her in passionate suspense met the solemn and pitying look of her eyes a look that confirmed all his worst fears and sick to the very heart seeing the sky the earth and the distant sea all gather together in one great of blackness that came rolling down upon him he staggered another step forward and fell senseless at her feet profession though she did many other useful things besides bread and letting lodgings she was a clean looking woman and had excellent notions concerning the of fresh air and sweet linen so that all her beds were scented and her entire abode neatly ordered and of the and the rose that round her windows she was in her care for her her anxious deference towards the grim long legged professor knew no bounds while her warm heart was quite taken captive by the plaintive gentleness and pretty ways of whom she always called the dear little boy a term which set himself thinking was he so very little he was nearly eleven surely that was almost a man true his mother had called him her baby his inwardly soul suffered an additional pang at this recollection of her tenderness he dared not dwell upon the image of her face as it had looked in the white moonlight when she kissed him for the last time was it indeed the last time he wondered sadly should he ever see her again he had full leisure now for thought the professor let him wander about just as he liked and was altogether kind to him he could not quite make it but he was grateful and he used to show his gratitude in odd little ways of his own which had a curious and softening effect on the mind of the learned he would carefully brush the ugly hat of the great man and bring it to him he would pull out and smooth the large fingers of his loose leather gloves and lay them side by side on a table ready for him to wear he would polish the top of his big silver stick and he would invariably make a button hole of the prettiest flowers he could find for him to put in his coat at dinner the astonishment with which the distinguished first received these attentions and afterwards grew to expect them every day as a matter of course was somewhat remarkable and it is to be noted that the worthy was so far moved from his usual self during these days at as to go down down into the far recesses of his own past youth and search there for fragments of fairy tales which fragments laid hold of after much difficulty he would piece together laboriously for s benefit and amusement one day it occurred to him that he would toe is a danger of setting in and his constitution does not appear to me sufficiently robust to withstand it lessons just now are entirely out of the question mr frowned he took a sudden and violent aversion to dr he disliked and resented the expression of the shrewd blue eye that gave him such a straight look of criticism and censure and he felt that here was another fool like who had and sentiments he in a stately manner and said stiffly perhaps i can persuade professor who is he asked the doctor abruptly laying his big gentle hand on s brow and back the curls that clustered there with the soft touch of a woman mr stared then smiled a superior smile at the ignorance of this village professor he announced with politeness is one of our greatest and his fame is almost universal i should have thought it had penetrated even to this part of the country that is among the more inhabitants and he laid a slight emphasis on the word he is the author of many valuable scientific works and is an admirable and of youth as a rule he never the instruction of a boy so young as my son but out of consideration for me hearing that i had been compelled to dismiss rather suddenly an he very kindly accepted the task of my son s holiday it is possible he might be willing to accompany the boy for the change you advise if indeed you consider such a change absolutely necessary i do most decidedly said dr filling a with some cordial and gently placing it to s lips while in his turn feeling all the time as if he were in a dream swallowed the mixture i don t say take him far for he must on no account be over fatigued would be a good place let him go there with his and scramble about as he likes the sooner the better here he will only think and fret about his mother in fact you d better order a carriage and have him taken on as far as this very afternoon then the rest of the way can be done by easy stages the coach would be too for him you can t go with him yourself you say impossible and mr s mouth hardened into a thin tight line of inward and closely repressed rage i must go to town at once for a few days i have to consult my my lawyers oh ah yes i see i understand and | 33 |
the doctor gave a little nod of comprehension well can i have a talk to the boy s i should like to explain a few points to him certainly he is in the permit me to show you the way there one moment and dr gave a keen glance round the small apartment in which they were it was s bedroom whither he had been carried in his by the warm hearted cleverly the window was shut but the doctor threw it wide open plenty of fresh air food and rest he said that s what the boy wants and he must be amused he mustn t be left alone send one of the servants up here to sit with him till he s ready to start this afternoon send murmured s faint voice the bed what s that my little man inquired the doctor bending over him send whom and looked up in his physician s round shiny face she is a and a very nice girl i like her dr smiled very good you shall have the desirable young woman shall come up to you at once now how do you feel much better thank you and the boy s eyes softened gratefully but you know i can t i can t forget things not very easily the doctor made no answer to this remark but merely settled the pillows more comfortably under his small patient s head then he went away with mr to make the acquaintance of professor and when came creeping softly up as commanded to watch by s bedside she found the little fellow sleeping with traces of tears glistening on his pale cheeks and his aspect was so touching and solemn in its innocence and sorrow and helplessness that being nothing but a woman and a warm hearted woman too she took out her handkerchief and had a good quiet cry all to herself how could she how could she leave the little dear she s wondered as she thought of the and shameful flight of her recent mistress to leave him meaning mr isn t so surprising it s wicked for he s a handful to live with and no mistake but to leave her own boy that s real downright bad of her that it is poor she had never read the works of and was entirely ignorant of the new morality as by mr grant had she been taught these modern she would have recognised in mrs s conduct merely a noble outbreak of white purity and virtue but she had notions of she believed in its in quite an obstinate prejudiced and old fashioned way she was nothing but a child of nature poor simple less and throughout all creation nature makes mother love a law and mother s duty meanwhile dr had the honour of shaking hands with professor and not only did he seem totally by the occurrence but he had actually the sublime impudence to ask for a private interview with the great man that is an interview without the presence of mr the latter personage surprised and somewhat offended reluctantly left the two gentlemen together for the space of about fifteen minutes at the end of which time the professor looked more thoughtful than usual and dr took his leave trotting oflf on his stout amid many respectful from the stout boy who straightway disappeared also to those unknown regions of whence he had emerged as if by magic directly his services were required and slept on and on till at a little after three o clock in the afternoon roused him and gave him a cup of soup which seemed to him particularly strong and well there s wine in it isn t there he asked with a surprised glance nodded smiling fancy giving me wine in my soup oh i say it s too good for me gave a slight and stated she had a cold it s my belief that this old house is damp she said and the whole village is crazy built and green in my opinion and what do you think master if that blessed old the silly man you saw the other s know now because our lamps go out so quickly the professor was silent he could find nothing to say inasmuch as there was no contradiction to to the boy s logic meanwhile doubled one leg loosely under him on the grass and throwing off his cap let the light flower scented wind play with his fair curly locks now for people who believe in christ he continued there it is that rush of wings because they say he rose from the dead and ascended into heaven and they have just that feeling i suppose that has gone somewhere and they try to follow as best they can that s how it is i am sure and it must be a great help to them i should dearly like to believe some of the beautiful things in the bible in old for instance you know if there were a god it would be quite natural that when he made a place like he should be pleased and then those words would be exactly right and god saw all that he had made and behold it was very good professor s love of argument stirred in him but he gave it no speech he would have liked to say that there were a great many learned persons who thinking that they saw all that god had made said behold it was very bad humane persons too who unable to look behind the veil could not understand the reason of the stress and worry and torture of life but to this little frail sorrow | 33 |
stricken lad but lately tottering on the verge of a dangerous illness he could not any problems so he was silent once a thought leaped across his brain like a blinding flash of light startling him with its acute shock and it was this ff hat a monstrous crime it is to bring up this child without a faith amazed at his own involuntary and unusual feeling he resolutely crushed it back into the depths of his consciousness yet every now and then it would persistently to him accompanied by other thoughts of a like nature which worried him and which he had never dwelt upon with so much before a inward voice asked him questions such as was it right to attack and endeavour to pull down faith when nothing could be offered in place of it for faith substitute reason argued the professor but went on the voice reason is apt to on its throne grief will subdue it passion overcome it the ecstasy of love will ss its beyond all the bounds of sense or argument into sin desperation death the madness and of grief will make of the miserable human thing a mere despairing a figure of frenzy with wild hair and piteous eyes what can reason do with such only faith can save faith in a god of love and the words shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me it were better for him that a were hanged about his neck and that he were drowned in the depths of the sea must rest for ever as a curse upon every man or woman who by word deed or example to tear down the one divine support of struggling souls the one great of a world with ceaseless storm so murmured the inward voice and hearing it discourse thus plainly the professor thought his intellectual faculties must be something strange was at work within him something to which he could not give a name something which perchance would make of him in time a wiser man than he had yet assumed himself to be during this peaceful and absolutely idle holiday at used often to go down the winding way from the village to the rough beach and sit and talk to the gathered there they liked the little lad and would frequently take him out in their for a toss on the sea though from these excursions he did not return much the brighter but rather the the men have many a tale to tell of and of poor drowned creatures washed ashore with yes staring open to the pitiless sky and hands clinging to a bit of rope or and such as these they would relate to the boy in their own roughly eloquent way till his heart grew cold within him and he almost learned to hate the sea the old weary wonder came back to his brain and tortured him what was the good of it all what was the use of living or loving hoping or working none that he could see on one rather stormy afternoon towards sunset he was strolling as usual down to the beach when he was attracted by a little crowd of men that stood closely round the door of an open boat house they were all peering in with an expression of mingled horror and morbid fascination in their faces and as he came near one of them him to stand and up the picturesque road leading to mr had not appeared to bid his little son good bye and though he noticed the fact did not regret it resting comfortably among his pillows he was very silent though now and then he stole a glance at the professor who sat bolt upright surveying the landscape through his spectacles with the severely critical air of a man who knows just how scenery is made and won t stand any nonsense about it and it was not till they had left some distance behind them that he ventured to ask gently where are we going to replied the professor bringing his owl like glasses to bear on the little wistful face to him but not to night we only get as far as this afternoon is my father coming no he s going to london on business he ll be away a week or ten days and so shall we then we shall return to and stay there till your father s summer of the house i see murmured i understand and two great tears filled his eyes he was thinking of his mother but her name never passed his lips he turned his face a little away and thought he had hidden his emotion from his but he thought for the professor had seen the gleam of those tears and strange to say was moved thereby to what was for him a most unusual sentiment of pity he who had frequently witnessed the of innocent animals he who had watched a poor butterfly itself to death on his scientific pin was at last touched in the recesses of his heart by the troubles of a child and so perchance he established a claim for himself in the heaven he so denied a claim that might possibly be of more avail to him in the great hereafter than all his book lore and world logic meanwhile john of shut up in his own room in the now ly house at wrote to his lawyers preparing them for his visit to their office next day and instructed them at once to sue for his divorce from the co in the case being charles there would be no defence he added and then turning from his own statement of the facts he took up and re read the letter | 33 |
his wife had written him by way of farewell it ran thus i leave you without shame and without remorse while i was faithful to you you made my life a misery your pride and need i am glad to be at least the means of dragging you down in the dust of you have killed every womanly sentiment in me you have even separated me from my child you have robbed me of god of hope of every sense of duty i have gone with charles whose chief merit in my eyes is that he hates you as much as i do in other respects you know his character and so do i when you divorce me he will not marry me i would not have him if he offered i have consented to be his mistress in exchange for a year s amusement attention and liberty and for the rest of my life what shall i do i neither know nor care perhaps i shall repent perhaps i shall die to me nothing matters your creed the creed of self your self is content with dull respectability my self indulgence if anything could have kept me straight and given me patience to bear with your and it would have been my boy s love but that you are deliberately bent on me of every day you set up new between him and me and yet loved you once you i laugh now to think of my folly you did everything you could to crush that love out of me you have succeeded what remnant of a heart i have s left with my spirit is in the boy s blood and already he against your petty tyranny sooner or later he will escape you may it be soon for the poor child s own sake and then whether there be a god or no god you will reap the curses you have so sown may they amply reward you for your generosity to your wife no longer over and over again mr read these words till they seemed burned into his brain far into the night he mused upon their purport and the phrases my spirit is in the boy s blood already he sooner or later he will escape you sounded loudly in his ears like threats from some unseen enemy no he muttered rising from his chair at last and thrusting the letter into a secret drawer of his desk let her go the the way of all such let her mix herself with the mud of the street and be forgotten but the boy is mine he shall obey me and i will crush her spirit out of him and make of him what choose chapter xii poor beautiful once an ideal village for poets to sing of and artists to dream of to what base uses hast thou come now no longer a secluded bower for the melancholy mild eyed of thought no longer a blessed haven of rest for weary souls seeking from care and toil thou art as a place of interest for cheap who with loud noise of feet and goose like crowd thy one lovely street which is like nothing so much as a careless of flowers left by chance on the side of a hill and thrust their figures and inquisitive faces through thy picturesque and quaint windows it is as though a herd of swine should suddenly a fairy s garden the fine air and up the magic blossoms even thy o e what s the matter he asked anxiously is some one drowned no no little answered a tough old seaman standing by the sea s not to blame this time but it s no sight for you it s a stranger to us a sort o queer like chap he s bin an hanged in s hanged himself cried why how could he do that easy enough easier if ye ve got a an a nail an he had both he made a wi s an swung on to an iron hook in the roof they ve cut him down but he s stone dead tain t no use to revive him we don t know who he is anyway but you go right home little tain t the thing for you to be here now run along just like the good boy y are it s too rough to take y out to day felt a strange sickness at his heart as he turned away and began to climb the ascent towards the village his vivid imagination pictured the dreadful strange dead body found in the boat house and involuntarily he paused and looked back over his shoulder out to sea great rolling in from the were racing with foam the long lines of white and themselves together like a glittering net spread out to catch and drown poor helpless men the impression of the universal cruelty of things weighed on the boy s mind with renewed force and at his evening meal he looked so pale and weary that professor anxiously at him through his round spectacles asked him what was the matter could not very well explain but at last after some hesitation said he thought it was the hanged man that made him feel miserable what hanged man inquired the startled professor whereupon related all that he knew concerning the disagreeable incident and the worthy was somewhat relieved he had thought that perhaps his young pupil had been allowed to see the body and was glad to learn that this was not the case oh well hanging is a very easy death he said placidly quite and merciful | 33 |
changed for him just because the sun was shining and the birds were singing and he was going to see little things remained exactly as they were he was nothing w s know now because our lamps go out so quickly the professor was silent he could find nothing to say inasmuch as there was no contradiction to offer to the boy s logic meanwhile doubled one leg loosely under him on the grass and throwing off his cap let the light flower scented wind play with his fair curly locks now for people who believe in christ he continued there it is that rush of wings because they say he rose from the dead and ascended into heaven and they have just that feeling i suppose that has gone somewhere and they try to follow as best they can that s how it is i am sure and it must be a great help to them i should dearly like to believe some of the beautiful things in the bible in old for instance you know if there were a god it would be quite natural that when he made a place like he should be pleased and then those words would be exactly right and god saw all that he had made and behold it was very good professor s love of argument stirred in him but he gave it no speech he would have liked to say that there were a great many learned persons who thinking that they saw all that god had made said behold it was very bad humane persons too who unable to look behind the veil could not understand the reason of the stress and worry and torture of life but to this little frail sorrow stricken lad but lately tottering on the verge of a dangerous illness he could not any problems so he was silent once a thought leaped across his brain like a blinding flash of light startling him with its acute shock and it was this ff hat a monstrous crime it is to bring up this child without a faith amazed at his own involuntary and unusual feeling he resolutely crushed it back into the depths of his consciousness yet every now and then it would persistently to him accompanied by other thoughts of a like nature which worried him and which he had never dwelt upon with so much before a inward voice asked him questions such as was it right to attack and endeavour to pull down faith when nothing could be ofi in place of it for faith substitute reason argued the professor but went on the voice reason is apt to on its throne grief will subdue it passion overcome it the ecstasy of love will its beyond all the bounds of sense or argument into folly sin desperation death the madness and of grief will make of the miserable human thing a mere despairing a figure of frenzy with wild hair and piteous eyes what can reason do with such only faith can save faith in a god of love and the words shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me it were better for him that a were hanged about his neck and that he were drowned in the depths of the sea must rest for ever as a curse upon every man or woman who by word deed or example to tear down the one divine support of struggling souls the one great of a world with ceaseless storm so murmured the inward voice and hearing it discourse thus plainly the professor thought his intellectual faculties must be something strange was at work within him something to which he could not give a name something which perchance would make of him in time a wiser man than he had yet assumed himself to be during this peaceful and absolutely idle holiday at used often to go down the winding way from the village to the rough i be beach and sit and talk to the gathered there they liked the little lad and would frequently take him out in their for a toss on the sea though from these excursions he did not return much the brighter but rather the the men have many a tale to tell of and of poor drowned creatures washed ashore with yes staring open to the pitiless sky and hands clinging to a bit of rope or and such as these they would relate to the boy in their own roughly eloquent way till his heart grew cold within him and he almost learned to hate the sea the old weary wonder came back to his brain and tortured him what was the good of it all what was the use of living or loving hoping or working none that he could see on one rather stormy afternoon towards sunset he was strolling as usual down to the beach when he was attracted by a little crowd of men that stood closely round the door of an open boat house they were all peering in with an expression of mingled horror and morbid fascination in their faces and as he came near one of them him to stand back o what s the matter he asked anxiously is some one drowned no no little answered a tough old seaman standing by the sea s not to blame this time but it s no sight for you it s a stranger to us a sort o queer like chap he s bin an hanged in s hanged himself cried why how could he do that easy enough easier if ye ve got a an a nail an he had both he made a wi s an swung on to an iron hook in | 33 |
the roof they ve cut him down but he s stone dead tain t no use to re ve him we don t know who he is anyway but you go right home little tain t the thing for you to be here now run along just like the good boy y are it s too rough to take y out to day felt a strange sickness at his heart as he turned away and began to climb the ascent towards the village his vivid imagination pictured the dreadful strange dead body found in the boat house and involuntarily he paused and looked back over his shoulder out to sea great rolling in from the were racing with foam the long lines of white and themselves together like a glittering net spread out to catch and drown poor helpless men the impression of the universal cruelty of things weighed on the boy s mind with renewed force and at his evening meal he looked so pale and weary that professor anxiously at him through his round spectacles asked him what was the matter could not very well explain but at last after some hesitation said he thought it was the hanged man that made him feel miserable what hanged man inquired the startled professor whereupon related all that he knew concerning the disagreeable incident and the worthy was somewhat relieved he had thought that perhaps his young pupil had been allowed to see the body and was glad to learn that this was not the case oh well hanging is a very easy death he said placidly quite and merciful i the man was some tramp who had no money and didn t know where to get any but a lonely boy whose mother had deserted him had he forgotten that misery and her disgrace so soon no he had not forgotten his was a nature that could never forget but youth is youth and will in its own season have its way despite all sorrow and and somehow on this beautiful bright morning he could not feel sad there was something radiant and hopeful in the aspect of the very landscape green with and golden with ripe corn and as he swung open his father s carriage gate and went out along the high road towards the grey and ancient church of where he thought it was most likely he should find and also he was quietly happy all sorts of plans were forming in his little head he was beginning to like professor and he meant to ask him if he might not go on studying under him at his the professor s own house for a time before entering a public school that is if he were indeed intended to enter a public school of which he was always doubtful true his father had once said but whether he meant was quite another matter mr had urged sending him to a public school and mr had the proposal entirely s own opinion was that his education would always be carried on under a series of selected in order to avoid the conventional church going on sundays common to all schools and to which his father had such a rooted and obstinate objection and as according to all accounts no wiser man than professor existed why should he not remain with that head and front of all available knowledge he thought his father could not possibly raise any obstacle to such a scheme and then he reflected though even the professor can t tell me what i want to know about the he might put me gradually in the way of finding that out for myself i believe he really likes me a little now i suppose we got to know each other better at at any rate for all his queer looks he understands me more than my father does it is very for a boy to be understood by old people i think tm sure a great many boys never get understood at all and yet they have their ideas about things quite as much as grown up persons do how pretty the church looks with all that sunshine streaming on the old tower and there s mr digging a grave as usual with a smile he quickened his pace to a run and opening the churchyard gate went in quickly but noiselessly meaning to take by surprise if she were anywhere near treading lightly and almost on he came to within about an arm s length of without the latter perceiving him and then stopped short struck by a sudden alarm for s silvery head was bent low and heavily over his work and from s broad breast came great choking sobs terrible to hear as one by one the of red brown earth were thrown up on the green turf and the significant hollow in the ground was shaped slowly in a small dark square to the length of a little child a mist rose before s eyes a strange caught his throat with a sense of he advanced his hands outstretched mr he faltered oh mr looked up great tears were rolling down his face and for a moment he said nothing the dreadful inarticulate despair expressed in his features and attitude was to behold and felt as though an icy hand had suddenly clutched his heart and its beating fear held him speechless he could only wait in breathless terror for something to be told something he could not guess at but which instinctively he dreaded to hear and all at once spoke in hoarse tremulous accents she sent her love t ye my dear she sent her love the last thing my love to | 33 |
the dark little square in the ground down there he whispered hoarsely peering into the very depths of the grave down there he gave a gesture with his hands clasping and them nervously and still with an intense passionate searching horror into the mould s touch light and caressing as a woman s fell gently on his shoulder nay my little lad he said the tears in his voice shaking its deep tone to tenderest pathos not down there don t ye think it up there my dear up there and he raised his steadfast eyes to the perfect blue of the radiant heaven up there beyond all that summer light an glory in the lands o god an his holy angels that s where mine is now with christ which is far better ay my dear far better for it s my selfish heart which her to god it s just me a weak ignorant man can t see the lord s in her from me but surely he knows best he must know best an he has seen the t fitted for the hard an ways o life an so in very kindness has took her to himself an made of her an angel fore her time for angel she is now ye may be sure as innocent as ever stood afore the great white throne an it s not mine i m down here among the my lad but just the little earthly shape of her s pretty an light an like we couldn t choose but love it all of us but mine herself is yet yes my dear an o me as much an more than ever she did an there s naught shall come us now mother an child are wi the lord an in a matter o short years i ll meet them both again an know as how for the best though now it seems a mystery an s hard looked up his face was pole his lips were set in a thin line you believe all that he said wildly but you are wrong quite wrong it isn t true it s all silly superstition there is no god no heaven there are no such creatures as angels oh you poor poor man you do not know you have never learnt there is nothing more for us after death nothing you will never see little again never never he rose slowly from his kneeling position on the turf looking so old and weird and desperate that from him as from something unnatural and monstrous you will put her down there he went on in her coffin with all the flowers about her and you will the earth over her and very soon the worms will crawl over her poor little face and in and out her curls and make of her what you would not look at what you would not touch and he trembled violently as with an fit and yet you loved her and you can talk of a god why a god who would take away from you would be the monster imaginable what reason could he give what object could there be in first giving her to you and then killing her and making you miserable no no there is no god you have not read you have not studied things and you do not know but you are all wrong there is no god there is only the which does not care filled with alarm as well as grief thought the boy and endeavoured to take him again into his arms but shrank back and him poor little fellow he s just wi the shock an doesn t for the moment know he s thought the simple hearted man as he watched the childish figure of despair frozen as it seemed into a on the edge of s grave if he could cry a bit do him good surely and struck by a sudden idea he said aloud will ye come wi me my dear an see now as she lies asleep among her flowers t frighten ye she s just a little angel wi god s love written on her face will ye come no answered loudly and almost fiercely i cannot you forget i came out this morning to see her alive with all her curls dancing about and her eyes shining oh i was so happy and all the time she was dead no i couldn t look at her i couldn t i should be thinking of this grave and the worms there is one down there just now crawling crawling see and he suddenly began to laugh dry sobs with his laughter oh and you you can actually believe it is a good god that has killed flinging his hands up above his head he suddenly turned away and ran ran furiously out of the churchyard and away up the road not in the direction of his home but up towards the deep green woods that hang like a glorious over the village giving it shade even in the most of the summer sun looked after him wondering and half afraid god help the child he murmured he seems gone clean mad like in s grief an it s something more than my mine s death that s working in s mind poor lad it s a trouble out o reach somewhere an now i mind me he s lost his mother by a far worse than death disgrace ah well and taking up his o he went resolutely to the of | 33 |
his sad task carefully and patting the earth round the interior of his little child s grave with his own tender hands and removing the poor worm had perceived gently and without in the manner of one for whom all god s creation even the lowest portion of it had a certain because of the divine spirit moving in all and through all it s hard for a grown man like me to bear a sorrow an it s double hard for a little lad like him he sees o god in is trouble the trouble itself lord help us all for the poor sinful creatures that we be ah mine mine my little my little flower who d ha thought god would ha wanted ye s soon tears rushed to his eyes and blotted out the landscape falling one by one into the small grave as he dug it deeper but he s a god o love an he mind my a bit he knows it s just human like an comes from the poor broken heart o me that s weak an ignorant an by an by when my mind he ll gi me grace to see twas for the best aye for the best mother an child in heaven an i alone on earth all the joy for them an all the sorrow for me well that s right enough an surely god ll send down both my angels to fetch me when my time comes to go an that s a little while to wait my flower a little while he dashed away his tears with one hand and continued digging patiently till his melancholy work was done then a bundle of sweet he had beside him he completely lined the little grave with the fragrant making it look like a nest of tender green and placing two boards above it to protect it from the night and the chance of rain he shouldered his and went slowly homeward pondering sadly on the heavy trial awaiting him next day when all that was mortal of his darling child would be committed with prayer and holy blessing to the dust meanwhile had passed a strange time of torture alone in the woods when he ran away from the churchyard he was hardly conscious of what he was doing and it was not till he found himself in a grove among thickly planted oaks and pine trees that he became aware of his own existence once more there was a heavy burning pain in his head and his eyes were aching and dim he flung himself down on the turf and tried to think was stem there my dear up there and he r his steadfast eyes to the perfect blue of the radiant heaven up there beyond all that summer light an glory in the lands o god an his holy angels that s where mine is now with christ which is far better ay my dear far better for it s my selfish heart which her to god it s just a weak ignorant man can t see the rd s in her from me but surely he knows best he must know best an he has seen the t fitted for the hard an ways o life an so in very kindness has took her to himself an made of her an angel fore her time for angel she is now ye may be sure as innocent as ever stood afore the great white throne an it s not mine i m down here among the my lad but just the little earthly shape of her s pretty an light an like we couldn t choose but love it all of us but mine herself is yet yes my dear an o me as much an more than ever she did an there s naught shall come us now mother an child are wi the lord an in a matter o short years i ll meet them both again an know as how os if death is the only end it is senseless even wicked if death were not all then i could understand he paused and his eyes rested on a of meadow sweet growing close beside him where do you go to when you die he asked addressing the flower have you what some people call a soul z soul that takes wings and flies away to bloom again in a more beautiful shape elsewhere you might do this of course you might and we should never know he rose to his feet and stood musing darkly with small hands clenched and lips set hard perhaps the learned men are not so wise as they think it is possible they may be mistaken the they argue about may be a god after all and even christ whom some say is a and others describe as merely a good man who wished to reform the jews may be the divine being the testament tells us of and there may be another life after this one and another world where is now the question is how to be quite quite sure of it he walked one or two paces then a sudden thought flashed across him a thought which lit his eyes with strange brilliancy and flushed his cheeks to a feverish red i know he whispered i know the best way monster imaginable what reason could he give what object could there be in first giving her to you and then killing her and making you miserable no no there is no god you have not read you have not studied things and you do not know but you are | 33 |
candle in it burning steadily and opening his bedroom door listened there was not a sound in the house not so much as a crack of wood in the old press that stood up gaunt and shadowy on the outer landing swiftly and noiselessly holding the light well above his head that he might see clearly and not he sped downstairs to the school room the door was wide open and as he went in and pushed it to after him he gave a sigh of relief and satisfaction as though he had attained at last some long desired goal of ambition there was more light in this apartment than in his bedroom there were no trees to shadow the window and through its crossed panes the stars with a white not unworthy of the moon herself setting his candle on the at which he had worked so many weary hours and days pondering on things that never would and never could be of any use to any one s practical after life took out paper pen and ink and himself proceeded to write certain words with careful and most business like precision his letters and neatly he took a great deal of pains to make his meaning clear and having covered one sheet of paper he folded it in four with addressed it and commenced another when this was also done he folded it in the same way as the first and addressed it likewise then he put the two together on the table one beside the other and looked at them with a kind of interest and admiration their were turned uppermost and one read thus to my father john court esq of fa hi t the other was more simply inscribed to professor for some minutes he studied these addresses and with something of a smile on his face it is just as if i were going to run away he said half aloud and so i am that is exactly what i am going to do i am going to run away and the smile deepened i remember what told me rather than break down altogether you d better show a clean pair of heels and that s just what i m going to do by the bye i never sent poor his he rose and turning towards the book shelves two of which were ranged along the opposite wall soon found the volume and packed it neatly up in readiness for addressing it in a large clear hand to w esq b a the nest scotland then after considering awhile he sat down again and wrote another letter which ran as follows dear you left your favourite copy of behind when you said good bye to me i meant to have sent it to you before but somehow it slipped my memory now as i am going away it might get among my father s books sc i have left it with professor who is a very nice old man all ready for him to post to you thank you for all your kindness to me i have never forgotten it and i m almost sure i shall never forget you needn t be anxious about me any more i m all right your affectionate and grateful he put this letter in an envelope which he addressed but left open and wrote a slip of paper which he laid above it and the volume together giving the following instruction dear professor will you please post this letter and also the book to mr for me it is his copy of which he left with me by mistake and he is sure to want it that s done he said as he wiped his pen and put by the ink and paper in their respective places with his usual neatness it s no use writing to mother if i did she would never get the letter he went to the window and opened it it was a glorious night and as he threw back the the sweet air flowed in laden with a thousand delicious from the forest and ocean so deep was the stillness that he could barely hear the vague murmur of small waves the shore now and again though the sea was not half a mile distant it was such a night as when the and believing heart is filled like a holy with the rich wine of joy and gratitude when the soul rises to an angel s stature within its and sings when nature wears her most serene and noble aspect when it seems good to live good to work good to hope good to love good to be even the smallest portion of the divine and splendid order of the universe but to the young boy who stood gazing out on the infinite majesty of the moving earth and heavens there was no order but mere chaos a black conflicting contradiction of forces a non reasoning production of things that neither sought nor desired existence and that have no sooner learned to love life than they are plunged into death and eternal in the free s du by one a code of which has been among children s schools in france for the past ten years the unhappy little beings whose ideas of morality are upon this doctrine are taught that the passions of man are his and most faithful guides and that god is a invented by priests to frighten timid minds this too in utter and wicked oblivion of the grand truth proclaimed with such a grand simplicity god is love as the soul writes the of the free s no longer for us an independent and individuality there is no k future life and what are the results of this new confession of | 33 |
faith too terrible and to be easily though something of their danger may be gathered from the of the d de the members of which declare that considering that the of young children and persons of tender age formerly almost unknown among us have multiplied recently to such a degree as to reach the alarming extent of cases in one year and considering the deplorable increase of vice and crime among children and youths we take the vow says the council with almost passionate solemnity that in the schools of this morality shall not be separated from religion and that the teaching of duty towards god shall be the and necessary base of all duties which are incumbent upon man such is the wise decision of but unhappily the good example is not followed throughout france in general in almost every department the principles of the are the seeds of ruin to the nation and making of the average human being a creature worse than the lowest and most of ferocious beasts and these principles largely adopted by the free thinking societies in england are being gradually among the children of our own schools for the agents or of free thought are to the full as active in their tracts and as the most that ever tossed the war cry in the faces of the public more stealthy in their movements they are none the less cunning and in our once god fearing country many can now be found who accept as truth the and lie uttered in the words as the soul no longer an independent and individuality there is no future life and yet in sober earnest this independent and individuality is more than ever it was it passionately claims to be heard and acknowledged it all its immortal strength at the of the unknown crying open open the hidden glory which know and feel yet cannot speak of open that doubt may see and seeing die for the soul in each one of us is instinctively aware that the hidden glory exists though it cannot explain in mortal speech why whence or how nevertheless the feels her lover and through the darkness of earth s stretches out yearning hands to grasp the actual divine which is and which itself to mortals in a thousand subtle tender ways of promise warning knowledge or sweet comfort but our lamps of learning ill trimmed and dull cannot shed light on such eternal splendour they needs must be extinguished in the greater radiance even as sparks in a blaze of sunshine little dimly conscious of the and independent individuality in his own slight frame though he could not what he felt gazed straight out on the shining which like great golden eyes regarded him as and thought what a strange thing it was that there should be millions and millions of worlds in the sky all created by an for nothing if he had been a man grown and cold hearted through the of life as generally lived he might possibly have found with some satisfaction in the terrific satire the passions of man are his and most faithful guides but being only a child he had no passions save an endless desire to know a desire that nothing ever written by all the in the world will satisfy or restrain a child s first inquiries concerning oa spiritual and things need noble answers from purest thought for as the italian proverb has it the why of a child is the key of philosophy woe those who crush the high aspirations of innocent and hopeful youth by the blow of worse than are they and as a greater crime than murder shall they answer for it for truly has it been said fear not them which kill the body but fear them which kill the soul killing the soul is the favourite occupation of the so called wise men of to day spreading their influence through the press and through current literature they congratulate themselves when they have dragged their readers down into a of and and caused them to think of god as the supreme evil instead of the supreme good yet every anti christian author nowadays has his or her and of applause from the press and the more vulgar and the work the louder the in this way things are tending fast towards the attitude of the so that soon when the children ask us who made heaven and earth we shall answer according to that neither the heaven nor nor the earth has been created question there is no first cause then answer no for all that we cannot prove has no existence and here was the boy s difficulty he was conscious of something he could not prove and it was impossible for him to believe that that something had no existence for it that vague something to him meant everything as he stood at the open window looking at the stars the impression of a sudden an all goodness and perfection swept over his mind like a wave rolling in upon him from the infinite giving him a vague yet soothing sense of peace it is beautiful he murmured beautiful to think that in a very little while i shall know all why i may even meet the very first thing who can tell it is wrong i to want to find out so quickly but i couldn t bear to go on and on every day learning a lot of useless things and always missing the one thing he turned suddenly and looked about him the wan star beams one side of the room more than the other and as he glanced up at the rough oak that crossed the ceiling he easily | 33 |
every one s thoughts and you will know that it isn t so much of myself that i m thinking as of everything ever made there is such a great deal of pain and suffering everywhere and i couldn t bear to see it going on always always without feeling sure of some good cause for it and some good end of it and these things are never explained clearly to me by my father or my perhaps nobody can them and so i think before i make any more serious mistakes myself it s better to come straight to you and ask you to clear up all the trouble for me i am only a boy but i should never like to grow up a man if i could give no reason for being one if i thought in truest truth that you were god i could easily understand it all but i have studied so much and am so puzzled that though i feel you are i am not sure so i must find out and there s no other way oh you whoever you are that made all the stars and and all the mountains and seas and all the forests and birds and flowers i am coming to you if nothing you have created is ever lost then you will not lose me nor shall i lose you i shall find you you are this world me but of you i am not afraid his half whispered words thrilled the silence with strange passion then they seemed to be carried away as it were out and up into the lofty of the heavens and when he ceased the great hush of the night deepened still on his knees with hands and clasped and eyes fixed on the glittering stars he thought and smiled and smiled and thought another minute s space shall i say anything else he mused yes i will say just what little would say if she were here and the dawning angel smile rested on his lips and his small pale features as he repeated clearly steadily and sweetly io gentle meek and mild look upon a little child pity my and suffer me to come to thee then with one more look at the sky and the solemn beauty of the sleeping world he rose quickly from his kneeling attitude and crept stealthily across the room to the spot where the baby hung from the firm iron hook in the oak dangling its smooth length over the chair in position below pausing here he stared upward and hesitated a moment then went to the door which was slightly and with careful shut it fast locked and bolted it safe now fi om any chance of interruption and all alone except for the unseen cloud of witnesses us all this mere child to resolution calmly confronted the vast infinite and went forth on his voyage of discovery to find the god denied him by the cruelty and of man and not another sound disturbed the of the house save the quick dull of a chair and thrown down after that came a heavy stillness and a sudden sense of cold in the air as of the swift passing of the shadow of death chapter xv a golden morning dawned one of those mornings peculiar to late august and early september when something of the colour of ripe harvest seems into the light a deeper warmth and to the atmosphere and a richer bloom to the landscape the sweep of the gardener s the grass through the air every stroke sending aloft of delicate fragrance the hum of bees and the of birds mingled with faint echoes of laughter from the men and women who in the neighbouring fields were busy tossing the hay and a sweet light wind blew in from the sea bringing health and freshness on its wings and when mr went down to breakfast he was so far sensible of the influences of such a morning that he set the hall door wide open in order that the house should obtain the full advantage of the contained in the breeze which he himself as though he were for once tolerably satisfied with the general arrangements of nature refreshed he turned towards the breakfast room where on the threshold he was confronted by who trembling and with tears in her eyes nervously faltered out that master s bedroom was empty that his bed had not been slept in and that the school room door was locked and oh sir she continued beginning to sob outright i m afraid something has happened to the dear i am really sir you see he hasn t been well who hasn t been well what s the matter demanded professor suddenly appearing on the scene mr turned to him it appears that is not in his bedroom he said his hard features growing livid and his mouth at the corners and the here says he has not slept in his bed at all suppose and his eyes like those of a snake and flashed with a gleam of rage i suppose he has followed his mother s example and run away and the words of his wife s parting letter my spirit is in the boy s blood already he sooner or later he will escape you to him as he spoke working within his mind a of silent fury that for the moment gave him the expression of a nonsense retorted the professor sharply he s not the kind of boy to run away he s too sensible and perhaps he was restless and couldn t sleep perhaps he s gone out it s a fine day and | 33 |
there s nothing astonishing in his taking a before breakfast the school room door is locked this girl tells me continued mr knitting his dark brows into a frown then abruptly addressing the frightened he asked on the inside or outside is the key gone no sir the key s in the lock and the door s fastened on the inside that s what s so strange sir i ve knocked and called but it s no use and suppose master should have had a bad faint in there all by himself oh dear it would be dreadful and her tears flowed here get out of the way growled the professor with sudden irritation let me go and see what s the meaning of all this i know o i come to you you will show me some way of taking care of her if i deserved like to be an angel i could always be near her and watch over her will you think of this if you are a loving god as many people say you arc and try to arrange it for me i could never do it by myself i don t think one can do anything by one s self except die out there in the heavens i am looking at there are a number of worlds ever so much larger than ours with people on them most likely perhaps they are all asking you about themselves just as i am doing but if you are god you can read every one s thoughts and you will know that it isn t so much of myself that i m thinking as of everything ever made there is such a great deal of pain and suffering everywhere and i couldn t bear to see it going on always always without feeling sure of some good cause for it and some good end of it and these things are never explained clearly to me by my father or my perhaps nobody can them and so i think before i make any more serious mistakes myself it s better to come straight to you and ask you to clear up all the trouble for me i am only a boy but i should never like to grow up a man if i could give no reason for being one if i the professor made no reply but with the aid of the gardener set to work forcing the lock it was as he had said an old lock and was soon pushed back while with the strong applied the bolt likewise gave way and the door burst open then a loud scream from and my god my god cried the professor wildly the deity whose existence he denied go go don t look don t look the boy has killed himself but mr pushed past him into the room and there stood rigid and dumb staring staring upward at a strange and awful thing a piteous sight to make god s angels weep a child suicide a child s dead body swinging heavily from the a child hung by a length of soft blue which though shining with tender hues in the morning sunlight and with an innocent chain yet held the little throat fast in an inexorable death grip was that child his son his son for whose future he had planned many a proud scheme of worldly ambition and on whose behalf he had resolved to exert all the and petty of io gentle meek and mild look upon a little child pity my and suffer me to come to thee then with one more look at the sky and the solemn beauty of the sleeping world he rose quickly from his kneeling attitude and crept stealthily across the room to the spot where the baby hung from the firm iron hook in the oak dangling its smooth length over the chair in position below pausing here he stared upward and hesitated a moment then went to the door which was slightly and with careful shut it fast locked and bolted it safe now fi om any chance of interruption and all alone except for the cloud of witnesses us all this mere child to resolution calmly confronted the vast infinite and went forth on his voyage of discovery to find the god denied him by the cruelty and of man and not another sound disturbed the of the house save the quick dull of a chair and thrown down after that came a heavy stillness and a sudden sense of cold in the r as of the swift passing of the shadow of death then mr spoke stiffly and his words with difficulty is he quite dead quite it s horrible it s sickening don t cry so much there s a good young woman you me just help me to lay him here yes on this sofa there that will do god what an appalling tragedy a mere child to think of it it is hideous monstrous i am grieved to the heart for you he was a noble little fellow here the professor was fain to turn away and hide his face while weeping bitterly bent over the little corpse smoothed the fair curls and folded the small hands cross wise on the breast sobbing more than ever as she noticed the grave peace of the closed eyelids the sweet smile on the lips and the solemn air of infinite knowledge that and the fine white features of the dead boy temporary insanity of course said mr presently speaking in a strange dull it occasionally breaks out even in children he paused all this time he had not moved a step nearer to the | 33 |
corpse he had an instinctive horror of it he found himself wishing that it could be carried out of the house at once and covered up so that he might never see it ag n for then he thought it would be easier to summon up the principles of his philosophy and discuss this this unfortunate incident calmly but with that small frozen patient image of death him he felt cold and at the same time why was it how was it that his will was always and his plans interfered with his will god s will concerned him not at all there are two letters here he suddenly calling professor s attention to the carefully folded and neatly addressed papers on the desk one for you and and one for me he hesitated and stole a glance at his dead son as he opened the addressed to himself would the boy accuse him of having driven him to suicide by and worry there were no reproaches of the kind contained in the letter it was very simple and ran thus my dear father i have often heard you say that when one is dead and done for it doesn t matter what becomes of one s body whether it is buried or burnt or thrown into the sea so now that i am dead i hope you will please have my body buried in churchyard the there mr graves very well and i want him to dig mine by the side of the one he has made for his little girl i played with one day and liked her very much now she is dead and so am i and it can t make any difference to you that i am buried beside her because dead people are of no account anyway they are soon forgotten and you ll soon forget me i couldn t go on living i was so tired i should like the ribbon you will find round my neck buried with me please and if you could ever possibly do it i should be glad if you would give my mother my love your son meanwhile the professor with much and wiping of his spectacles his own letter which was a good deal longer than the above and which was written by the little dead lad in such a strain of gentle and appealing confidence as touched the book worn scholar to the quick and made of all his learned and logical dear professor i am very much obliged to you for getting to be so kind to me because i know you didn t like me at first and i hope you won t think very badly of me because i have given up the idea of trying to live you see i should have to study very hard for years and years before i could be at all as clever as you would want me to be and i feel it wouldn t be any use to go on learning and learning unless i knew what it was all for it would seem to me only a waste of time because of course the principal thing one wants to know is about the or god and even you can t explain this if it were explained then there would be some reason for trying to be wise and good but without an explanation i don t see that anything matters really one may just as well be stupid as clever all this has been very much on my mind and when i found my mother had gone away and then that little m i left quite well had died while we were at everything seemed so strange and cruel that i made up my mind to find out s x for myself what reason god or the has to give for making people so miserable i believe you know that it s not an really but god and i shall ask him all about things as soon as i find him i shouldn t be surprised if i found him to night he seems quite near to me even now you will always remember our pleasant days at won t you and how you told me about and i think that was a very beautiful story i ve been trying as did to see with my little light but i ve got it into my head that if i put out my lamp altogether i shall see much better god must be far too splendid to need any lamps to look at him you know dear professor in all the learned books i have been studying with you how each person the other and how difficult it is to make out what they all mean one says one thing and then another man declares the first man to be all wrong so it is just like what you once said about the waste of time it was to read the newspapers because on one morning you get a piece of news by and you think it is true and the next day it is contradicted and proved to be a false report one might go on for ever one s self and getting puzzled in this silly way and never be any nearer to the real cause of it all the god i am going to i do indeed think it is god and i hope you will consider everything carefully over again before you quite make up your mind it is an you see you are not quite sure and you know if it is god and he lives in a great and splendid world of his own and we have souls which all fly to him like angels when we die | 33 |
i might meet you and i should be very glad of that i didn t like you at first any more than you liked me but i grew quite fond of you at and i was going to ask my father to let me go and live with you while i went on studying but when i found poor little dead somehow everything changed i told you she was quite a baby girl and i only saw her twice but i liked her very much and i couldn t understand why such a dear little thing should have to die and so i determined i would find out and i shall find it out i m sure good bye now i think it would be better for boys like me if you could teach them that the first cause was god and that he loved everybody and meant to explain the universe to us some day things would be so much easier for us and life would be so much happier of course you will have to think it out again before you decide you being so clever but please for my sake do consider it whenever you have another boy to teach thanking you for all your kindness i am your grateful pupil this and the slip which confided s copy of and the letter accompanying it to his care was the professor s and to his honour be it said that he was not ashamed of the tears that fell down his cheeks as he read the quaint confession of a thinking child s mind bewilderment so expressed wiping his eyes with his large yellow silk handkerchief he turned and looked at mr who during the past few minutes had stood stiffly erect with folded arms staring hard at his dead son becoming conscious now ot the professor s compassionate gaze he moved then spoke in slowly measured tones it is very curious is it not how come out in death he said this boy has nothing of me in his looks he is the image of his mother she was always he by natural has proved himself insane she in common things music hall songs and dances and the like he in his last words can find nothing better to ask of me than to be buried by a common village child with whom it appears he associated during one day s from home the daughter of the here of course i shall pay no attention to such a foolish request he must be buried at as is customary with all the members ot my family whereupon professor suddenly gave way to an unexpected outburst of passionate indignation by heaven you have no more heart than a stone he cried can you in the very presence of your dead child self slain refuse or think of refusing his poor little last wish what matter is it to you where or how he is buried in life he has never asked a single favour at your hands he has obeyed you in your most trifling he has worked himself to death to please you and even i i who have promoted more than any one in england the severe training and discipline of boys have hesitated to carry out all your with regard to his education considering them too for a lad so the doctor here dr privately assured me before we went to that the boy was being killed by and warned me to be careful of him i was careful of him and he was better for complete change and rest but he was still in a doubtful condition of health and the sudden shock of hearing of the death of a little child whom he had left alive and well was evidently too much for the delicate balance of his brain his end his horrible and unnatural end is due to of that i am convinced but his last wishes shall be fulfilled or else here the professor advanced a step or two looking singularly ugly and impressive at the same moment while he managed to impart to his voice a very disagreeable hissing quality or else well you know me and you know i can write with some eloquence when i choose moreover people are in the habit of listening to what i say and i will tell the whole story of this distinctly murdered boy murdered by over to the newspapers for it is a case of over in which you have had by far the greatest and the share there s not a alive who would not have pitied such a child as he was left to his own thoughts without sympathy from father or mother and deprived of youthful companionship pitied him from my soul and meant to give him all the possible mind when i say i will make the whole story public i mean it i will cloud your name with reproach and and furnish an excellent reason to society for your wife s desertion of you mr grew white to the lips he breathed quickly as though he had been running a race and for the moment he seemed to shrink and beneath the angry glance and fierce attitude of the professor then with a slight shrug of his shoulders he said i am surprised really surprised to hear such violent language from you professor pray do not excite yourself you have been very kind and patient with with my son and if it is at all a matter of importance and obligation to you that his last wishes should be complied with i really have no very serious objection to carrying them out the more | 33 |
especially as they help to prove his utterly state of mind no well bom boy in such a station of life as that occupied by my son would wish to be buried beside a common peasant if he were not insane your accusation of over is quite ridiculous excuse me for saying so it is impossible to over a really strong brain and the younger the brain the more vivid and lasting the impressions of knowledge i naturally supposed my son s brain was of a healthy and vigorous quality and it is a decided shock to me to find i was mistaken this affair will cause a great deal of talk and trouble i think i had better call on dr and place matters in his hands for speedy arrangement there will have to be an of course and these things are excessively tiresome the professor gazed at him reproachfully he said you never loved your son you could not have loved him or you would not speak as you do now in his dead presence and he pointed to the couch where lay the passive little form into that perfect rest which no clash of tongues in argument should ever again disturb mr s glance followed his gesture but not a quiver of emotion moved the composed coldness of his features a love is a mere of speech he s d and it only applies to the temporary attraction we feel for a woman or women no reasonable father loves his children his sole business is to look upon them as the results of the natural law of the of species and as future citizens of the world whom he is bound to train for their calling sentiment should have no share in their education that i believe is your principle or used to be it is mine i expected great things of my son but i see now how much i should have been disappointed in him his brain was weak possibly and as a consequence of weakness or disease he has killed himself it is very distressing of course but no doubt as time wears on i shall that it was the very best thing he could have done i think i had better go at once to dr he left the room with a firm easy step and the asserting itself in every line of his stiff figure as he went and professor the of left alone with the dead reverently approached the piteous little corpse and there lost sight of himself and his various theories in sorrowful contemplation studying the quiet fair child face intently he murmured the best thing you could have done well perhaps it is poor boy perhaps it is with such a father and such a mother aye and such a teacher too for who knows whether i may not have done him harm who can tell whether i am right or wrong in my ideas of deity can there be nothing higher than humanity the humanity for instance heaven help us if that is all and then considering that he was a learned supposed to be altogether devoid of sentiment he did a strange thing raising the dead boy in his arms he kissed the cold brow just beneath the curls and said yes i will consider it i promise for your sake that when i have another boy to teach i will consider whether it is not best and wisest to lead him up as far as a god of love and leave him there chapter xvi all the little world of turned out to attend s funeral his brief but tragic life history his sorrow for his mother his despair at the death of his one day s little and his determined suicide were quickly through the village and the sympathetic touch of nature which makes the whole world kin communicated itself from house to house and from heart to heart till every man woman and child in the place was moved by genuine pity and grief for the little fellow s end the verdict on his death was the usual one suicide during temporary insanity this judgment being always passed out of purest christian charity in order to allow the so desperately departed the rites of christian burial dr who was present at the had no hesitation in asserting that he considered the boy had been driven to his rash act by over study which had caused extreme pressure on the brain and professor supported the statement thus voluntarily taking a certain share of the blame on his own shoulders though had the old scholar spoken all his mind he would have added that in his opinion it was the nature of the education insisted upon namely scientific and lack of all religious training which was the real cause of the of the boy s young life but he said nothing of this though it may be he thought the more and the morning came at last when looking older by ten years leaned on his by the little grave he had newly dug next to that of his own beloved child and watched the crowd of his fellow villagers as they gathered with hushed footsteps in the quiet old churchyard and listened with tearful attention to the aged parson who had known most of them all their lives and whose clear voice now and then faltering with emotion pronounced the beautiful triumphant words so also is the of the dead it is sown in corruption it is raised in it is sown in it is raised in glory it is sown in weakness it is raised in power it is i sown a natural body it is a spiritual body | 33 |
so when this shall have put on and this mortal shall have put on immortality then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written o death where is thy sting o grave where is thy victory with bent head and softened features professor listened looking down into the square of earth wherein s little coffin had been lowered covered with flowers the free will of the tender hearted village women a large wreath of from good miss was one of the most conspicuous and beautiful of the various she having stripped her entire cottage porch of blossom for this purpose but even the poor afflicted had brought a funeral token in the shape of a long branch of rare white roses fit for the of a queen s bower and had dropped into the grave a single knot of the smallest tribute of all yet perhaps the sweetest and most significant and the professor was troubled by a rising lump in his throat and a great mist before his eyes as he heard amid suppressed sobs from the little crowd the parson s tremulous accents saying as it hath pleased almighty god to take unto himself the soul of our dear young brother departed and the compassionate speaker hesitated as he put in with soft emphasis the word young we therefore commit his body to the ground earth to earth ashes to ashes dust to dust in sure and certain hope of the to eternal life through our lord christ who shall change our vile body that it may be like unto his glorious body according to the mighty working whereby he is able to subdue all to himself mr listened with a frown of contempt on his features and anger in his heart the mighty working whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself he resented this phrase it af him singularly and he hated the situation in which he found himself namely that of being compelled to give over the dead body of his son at last to the rites of the creed he when at the our father every one knelt down on the warm sprinkled turf he stood proudly erect glancing at the professor who though too stiff in the joints to kneel nevertheless bowed his head out of respect for the of the ceremony the service ended the venerable clergyman dismissed all present with the usual blessing pronounced with more than the usual and went his gentle tottering way with his leaving to his appointed work of filling in the newly made grave the villagers moved away noiselessly some crying in company with others endeavouring to comfort the girl who wept as though her heart would break and others again whispering strangely about mr s cold and cruel looks while huddled up in a comer at the churchyard gate sat the forlorn to himself and to be comforted no no he muttered in answer to one of the women who endeavoured to persuade him to accompany them i ll stay ere wi the children an the roses all the roses all the children dead dead j ll stay ere summer s over mr remained in the churchyard till the uttle crowd had quite dispersed standing by his son s grave he gazed down into it saying nothing watched him in deep compassion for a moment then he murmured gently god comfort ye sir on this sad day he alone can help ye to bear a sore an bitter trouble mr started and turned to professor does this fellow want an extra fee beyond the ordinary charges good god no answered the professor hastily for he had taken the measure of s proud and independent character and hoped the question had not been overheard however had caught its purport and he now looked steadily at mr with a slight flush on his brown cheeks ye mistake me sir altogether i m he said with a simple dignity which well became him tis a matter o barely five days since i buried my own little un here wi my own hands an my fool tears a on her coffin an though you re a gentleman born an i m a poor man there s of a tie us in the sorrow o our broken arts for our two played together just one summer s day an the last words that my mine said give my love to an the poor boy s to be buried beside of her here in showed enough that he thought of her too when he took to his death so willing like the ways o god are not as our ways sir an there a heavenly link they two little angel lives as we re not able to see that they be gone an we be here is better for them though worse fur us an all the ache an trouble o the time i made bold to say god comfort ye without no liberty nor offence nor aught save just a word o sympathy from man to man sympathy from man to man mr stared in haughty wonder at the amazing impudence of this clad peasant this road and what not who dared to claim a brotherhood with him in sorrow thank you he said stiffly you mean well no doubt personally i look upon the day that my unfortunate son played from his home as the most ill fated of his life it is probable that had he not met your child and afterwards taken her loss to heart he might not have met with such an unnatural death and i cannot admit of there being any ways of god in the matter i have no belief in a god at all a shadow darkened s fine face but he answered quietly ay sir | 33 |
is that so then i m fur ye than there s no poor soul i pity more than a man as feels no god near im fur a grief strikes ye to the very core o the heart then an there s naught can heal the wound god or no god ye can t do away wi trouble ye ve lost a child mr looked once more into the little open grave then at the and a very slight smile lifted the corners of his mouth and gleamed in his hard eyes losses can always be he said coldly and i shall marry again with that he turned away and walked steadily down the path leading to the churchyard gate never once looking back but professor lingered and after a little pause lifted his old hat from his bald with one hand and silently held out the other to astonished at the action hesitated a moment out of deference but looking at the professor s face and seeing tears in his old eyes he understood and warmly grasped the scholar s thin fingers in his own rough palm i loved the little lad said the professor then i who love nobody learned to love him you are a good man and you have a heart i need not ask you to keep his grave as as it should be his father will dismiss all memory of him from his mind it is his nature to forget the dead but i should not like the poor child s last resting place to be neglected and if there is any cost i will gladly it but here interrupted him cost sir nay there ll be no cost but a few tears o mine as will help the flowers grow for he lies next to my mine ye see sir there s barely a two inch distance their little an as long as i live an have hands to work wi so long will they two little graves be the sweetest an prettiest i the churchyard all covered wi the blessed green turf sir an planted thick wi vi lets an an the cost o they things is just a little love an the professor looked up then down finally he again offered his hand and again shook it good bye god bless you he said god bless you sir responded and with another lingering glance of farewell down into s grave where nothing could be seen but a pile of flowers the learned professor once more raised his hat to the and reluctantly departing went his lonely and way f c x t c m a long before the shadows darkened the churchyard was deserted and solitary though in the church itself the was for the coming sunday and the sweet appealing notes of the beautiful hymn nearer my god to thee floated out through the ancient doorway and high up into the calm air s grave was closed in and a full stem of the white lilies of st john lay upon it like an angel s another similar stem adorned the grave the service ended the venerable clergyman dismissed all present with the usual blessing pronounced with more than the usual and went his gentle tottering way with his leaving to his appointed work of filling in the newly made grave the villagers moved away noiselessly some crying in company with others endeavouring to comfort the girl who wept as though her heart would break and others ag n whispering strangely about mr s cold and cruel looks while huddled up in a corner at the churchyard gate sat the forlorn to himself and refusing to be comforted no no he muttered in answer to one of the women who endeavoured to persuade him to accompany them i ll stay ere wi the children an the roses all the roses all the children dead dead i ll stay ere summer s over mr remained in the churchyard till the little crowd had quite dispersed standing by his son s grave he gazed down into it saying nothing watched him in deep compassion for a moment then he murmured gently row london messrs co s preliminary list of for the autumn of a beautifully illustrated book of travel by g the forgotten travels in and by g translated by author of the of two god forsaken c in crown to handsomely bound in cloth richly gilt and gilt top with by the author s new novel by f r false coin or true by the author of into the and hedges the one who looked on c in crown vo cloth gilt s d s new books new novel by a e fortune s fingers by the author of a tale of a stirring time in crown vo cloth gilt s new novel by b l the of john by the author of the jew the last tenant c in crown vo cloth gilt s a new book of travel in a new district by mrs s with b b i in the by the authors of in the through c in small cloth gilt s d mrs has long been regarded as an ideal guide and travelling companion by her readers the volume with its numerous illustrations will both delight those who cannot visit this interesting region otherwise than by and supply those who can do so in person with an indispensable companion new novel by the author of a daughter of the king a life in a day by alien author of the majesty of man c in crown o cloth gilt s s new books a new historical novel by a l a pearl of the realm by the author of fifty pounds for | 33 |
a wife in crown vo cloth gilt with s a new novel by the dream that stayed by the author of there is no death the of c in crown vo cloth gilt s a new novel the scenes chiefly laid in holland by e march a in wide shoes in crown vo cloth gilt s a book of rare originality and power the novel will we find a wide and welcome a il a new volume by m the case of john bull in egypt the and elsewhere in narrow crown vo cloth gilt s d with by the author for the autumn new novel by mrs a tangled garden by the author of a c in crown o cloth gilt s two new volumes of the leisure library of complete novels each with original illustrations head pieces and and with and title page in colours in narrow crown vo cloth gilt s d in paper s by the story of a fool and his folly by the author of a man and his c by mrs the earth children by the author of dark tale of the down country other volumes of this series already issued by w ridge the second opportunity of mr by the author of a clever wife c by an writer the flaw in the marble s new books new volume of the poets and poetry of the century by alfred h miles religious and poetry containing from the poetry of john j h e h s s j stone w h how richard dr alexander and others with and critical notices in cloth gilt gilt top s in gilt gilt top s this volume the entire work in volumes of which volumes i and may still be had in cloth gilt s each or in gilt s new and of and of the poets and poetry of the century william to robert the whole volume entirely and new added from the poetry of a c lord de and others robert bridges and contemporary poets containing new poetry from various writers and fresh the whole volume entirely each of these new in cloth gilt gilt top s in gilt gilt top s it has been found necessary to raise the price of these new in consequence of the numerous additions and alterations new novel by the rag by the author of the a woman in it c in crown vo cloth gilt for the autumn r a new novel by the author of a yellow a grandmother by author of a comedy in children of circumstance c in crown doth gilt a new novel by mrs the romance of mrs by the author of a man of mystery the silent room c in crown to cloth gilt s a new romance of adventure in and british the devil tree of el by frank in crowd doth with illustrations by f a new story by mrs j a joe of in crown vo doth gilt an interesting and uncommon by j e the savage club papers literary and art entirely by well known members of the savage club in to fancy doth cover designed by a war en with numerous illustrations s s new books a new novel by joseph the dagger and the cross by the author of by order of the in cloth gilt s a charming by the author of the of why the king s gardens an for children by g e a member of the children s league in vo leather paper with designed title page and illustrations by a l s a new romance by robert the next by the author of the crack of doom a plunge into space c in crown vo cloth gilt s d a cheap edition b l s successful novel the jew by the author of the last tenant great porter square c in crown vo cloth gilt s d s new books a new work on by a d hardy trees by the author of practical hardy ornamental trees and shrubs c in cloth gilt s d cheap edition of s novel the strange of in doth gilt s d cheap edition book of wise sayings selected largely from eastern sources by w a in vo gilt on antique paper rough edges li eighth edition by f f into the and hedges in crown vo doth gilt s fourth edition by the same author the one who looked on in cloth gilt s d s new books a new volume books of adventure series by s r ll d the crimson sign author of the in crown vo cloth gilt and gilt top with illustrations by g h and s d cheap edition by e a wheel within a wheel with some reflections by the way in crown cloth silver gilt with popular edition alien s novel the majesty of man by the author of a daughter of the in crown vo cloth gilt s d popular edition lt col c p haggard s novel tempest torn by the author of and i c in crown fancy cloth cover s d cheaper edition s story master the story of a boy by the author of dame c in vo cloth gilt and gilt edges with illustrations by g h d for the autumn new gift and prize books a new volume by mrs tales by the author of my clock c in crown vo handsome cloth gilt s d a new fanciful and humorous story by the author of the of why ith illustrations by harry and the missing by g e in toy handsomely bound in cloth richly gilt and gilt edges with cover designed by harry s another in second large edition the of why a fanciful story by g e with illustrations by harry and in to cloth richly gilt and gilt edges s a new story by s swan a stormy by the author of a bitter | 33 |
th out into life again i find thee and i follow i follow moonlight and the hour their own mystery and ere the pale dawn flushed the sky with hues of rose and the shadow had vanished the voice was heard no more slowly the sun lifted the edge of its golden shield above the horizon and the great from its apparent brief slumber stared in expressive and eternal scorn across the tracts of sand and palm trees towards the glittering dome of that abode of profound and learning where men still knelt and worshipped praying the unknown to deliver them from the unseen and one would almost have deemed that the monster with the woman face and lion form had strange thoughts in its huge granite brain for when the full day sprang in glory over the desert and its large features with a burning radiance its cruel lips still smiled as though yearning to speak and the terrible riddle of old time the problem which killed chapter i it was the full season in the and the no less american had planted their society standards on the sandy soil watered by the and were busily engaged in the work of the city formerly called al or the victorious to a more deplorable condition of and slavery than any old world conqueror could ever have done for the heavy yoke of modern fashion has been flung on the neck of al and the irresistible dominion of vulgarity has laid the victorious low the children of the desert might and possibly would be ready and willing to go forth and fight men with men s weapons for the freedom to live and die in their own native land but against the smiling white sun of cook s cheap what can they do save remain and well nigh speechless for nothing the cheap was ever seen in the world till our present enlightened and glorious day of progress he is a new type of like and yet unlike a man the theory itself proudly and in of truth all over him in his restlessness his like and curiosity his his careful of himself from foreign his general attention to and his always appetite and where the ends and the man begins is somewhat difficult to discover the image of god wherewith he together with his fellows was originally supposed to be impressed in the first fresh days of creation seems fairly blotted out for there is no touch of the divine in his mortal composition nor does the second created phase the copy of the divine namely the heroic his form or his countenance there is nothing of the heroic in the wandering who through the streets of in white laughing at the staid composure of the thumb and finger at the patient noses of the small and other beasts of burden thrusting a warm red face of inquiry into the shadowy recesses of and at evening in the gardens cigar in mouth and hands in pockets looking on the scene and in it as if the whole place were but a of earl s court exhibition history affects the cheap not at all he regards the as good building merely and the inscrutable itself as a fine for empty water bottles while perhaps his regret is that the granite whereof the ancient monster is is too hard for him to his distinguished name it is true that there is a punishment inflicted on any person or persons attempting such wanton work a fine or the yet neither fine nor would affect the if he could only succeed in carving on the s jaw but he cannot and is his own misery otherwise he himself in egypt as he does at with no more thought reflection or reverence than the composition of his far off taking him all in all he is however no worse and in some respects better than the folk who do egypt or rather consent in a languid way to be done by egypt these are the people who leave england on the plea of being unable to stand the cheery frosty and in every respect healthy winter of their native country that winter which with its wild winds its sparkling frost and snow its trees bright with scarlet its merry hunters galloping over field and during daylight hours and its great log fires roaring up the chimneys at evening was sufficiently good for their forefathers to upon and live through up to a hale and hearty old age in the times when the fever of travelling from place to place was an unknown disease and home was indeed sweet home by strange of the blood and nerves to which even scientific find it hard to give suitable names they shudder at the first of cold and filling huge trunks with a thousand foolish things which have through luxurious habit become necessities to their pallid they hastily depart to the land of the sun carrying with them their nameless and for which heaven itself much less egypt could provide no remedy it is not at all to be wondered at that these physically and morally sick tribes of human kind have ceased to give any serious attention as to what may possibly become of them after death or whether there is any after for they are in the mentally condition which entire of brain force existence itself has become a bore one place is like another and they repeat the same monotonous round of living in every spot where they whether it be east west north or south on the they find little to do except meet at s at the london house at nice or the at and in they a miniature london season over again worked in the same of dinners dances drives and matrimonial engagements but the season has perhaps some advantage over the london one | 33 |
so far as this particular set of folk are concerned it is less by the one can be more free you know i you may take a little walk into old and turning a corner you may catch glimpses of what mark twain calls oriental simplicity namely composed groups of dear delightful whose clothing is no more than primitive custom makes strictly necessary these kind of or art studies give quite a thrill of novelty to english society a touch of a of peculiarity which is entirely lacking to fashionable london then it must i be remembered that the children of the j desert have been led by gentle degrees to understand that tor the strange imported into their land by cook and the still stranger specimens of insect called upper ten which itself they will receive is a certain source of comfort to all nations and itself with sweetest into all languages and the desert born tribes have justice on their side when they demand as much of it as they can get or they deserve to gain some sort of advantage out of the of western who them by their dress and them by their manners therefore has become the perpetual cry of the desert born it is the only means of offence and defence left to them and very naturally they cling to it with and resolution and who shall blame them the tall majestic meditative superb as mere man and standing naked footed on his sandy native soil with his one rough garment flung round his and his great black eyes eagle like the sun merits something considerable for to act as guide and servant to the western who clothes his lower limbs in straight like cloth shaped to the strict resemblance of an elephant s legs and the graceful design by the rest of his body in a stiff shirt wherein he can scarcely move and a square cut coat which him neatly in twain by a line immediately above the knee with the effect of his height by several inches the desert born him gravely and in civil compassion sometimes with a muttered prayer against the of him but on the whole with patience and influenced by considerations of and the english season lightly and like blown over the mystic land of the old gods the terrible land filled with dark secrets as yet the land with wings as the bible hath it the land in is which are buried tremendous histories as yet profound of the supernatural of wonder terror and mystery all of which remain to the giddy dancing dining throng of the fashionable travelling of the day the people who never think because it is too much trouble people whose one idea is to journey from hotel to hotel and compare notes with their acquaintances afterwards as to which house provided them with the food for it is a noticeable fact that with most visitors to the show places of europe and the east food and selfish personal comfort are the first considerations the scenery and the associations come last formerly the position was reversed in the days when there were no and the immortal wrote his it was customary to rate personal inconvenience lightly the beautiful or historic scene was the attraction for the traveller and not the arrangements made for his special form of apparatus could sleep on the deck of a sailing vessel wrapped in his cloak and feel none the worse for it his well mind and spirit above all bodily his thoughts were engrossed with the mighty of time he was able to lose himself in glorious on the lessons of the past and the possibilities of the future the attitude of the inspired as well as poet was his and a crust of bread and cheese served him as sufficiently on his among the then valleys and mountains of as the warm greasy fare of the elaborate table d at and serve us now but we in our superior condition the spirit of to events and scorn of trifles we say it is completely forgetting that our attitude towards ourselves and things in general is one of most pitiable we cannot write but we can at both bed and board in every hotel under the sun we can discover in the air and questionable insects in the rooms and we can discuss each bill presented to us with an industrious which nearly drives frantic and ourselves as well in these kind of important matters we are indeed superior to and other of his type but we produce no and we have come to the strange pass of pretending that don is improper while we pore over with to such a pitch has our culture brought us and like the in the testament we thank god we are not as others are we are glad we are not as the as the african as the we are proud of our elephant legs and our dividing coat line these things show we are and that god of us more than any other type of creature ever created we take possession of nations not by thunder of war but by clatter of we do not raise armies we build hotels and we settle ourselves in egypt as we do at to dress and dine and sleep and contempt on all things but ourselves to such an extent that we have actually got into the habit of calling the natives of the places we foreigners we are the foreigners but somehow we never can see it wherever we condescend to build hotels that spot we consider ours we are surprised at the impertinence of people who presume to visit while we are having our season there we wonder how they dare do it and of a truth they seem amazed at their | 33 |
own boldness and creep through the as though fearing to be turned out by the the same thing occurs in egypt we are frequently astounded at what we call the impertinence of these foreigners i e the natives they ought to be proud to have us and our elephant legs glad to see such noble and beautiful types of as the stout with his and his family of youths and maidens of the large long glad to see the english mamma who never grows old but wears young hair in innocent curls and has her wrinkles out by a paris in complexion the desert bom we say should be happy and grateful to see such sights and not demand so much in fact the desert born should not get so much in our way as he does he is a very good servant of course but as a man and a brother egypt may be his country and he may love it as much as we love england but our feelings are more to be considered than his and there is no connecting link of human sympathy between elephant legs and sun so at least thought sir a stout gentleman of coarse build and as he sat in a deep arm chair in the great hall or of the palace hotel smoking after dinner in the company of two or three acquaintances with whom he had during his stay in sir was fond of his opinions for the benefit of as many people who cared to listen to him and sir had some right to his opinions inasmuch as he was the editor and proprietor of a large london newspaper his was quite a recent distinction and nobody knew exactly how he had managed to get it he had originally been known in fleet street by the of greasy md owing to his and general air of benevolence he had a wife and two daughters and one of his objects in at was to get his cherished children married it was time for the bloom was slightly oflf the fair girl roses the dainty of the delicate were beginning to and sir had heard much of he understood that there was a great deal of liberty allowed there between men and maids that they went out together on driving excursions to the that they rode on over the sand at moonlight that they floated about in boats at evening on the and that in short there were more opportunities of marriage among the of egypt than in all the rush and crush of london so here he was and comfortable and on the whole well satisfied with his expedition there were a good many eligible about and and were really doing their best so was their mother lady she allowed no eligible to escape her hawk like observation and on this particular evening she was in all her glory for there was to be a costume ball at the palace hotel a superb by the for the amusement of their paying guests who certainly paid well even stiffly owing to the preparations that were going on for this the with its and luxurious modern was well nigh deserted save for sir and his particular group of friends to whom he was holding forth between slow cigar on the of the the frightful of the the of his own special and the mistake people made in thinking the themselves a fine race they are tall certainly said sir surveying his which comfortably and as it were by itself in front of him like a kind of air i grant you they are tall that is the majority of them are but i have seen short men among them the is not taller than i am and the egyptian face is very the features are often fine occasionally classic but intelligent expression is totally lacking here sir waved his cigar as though he would fain suggest that a heavy jaw a fat nose with a at the end and a gross mouth with black teeth inside it which were special points in his own went further to make up intelligent expression than any straight eastern type of countenance ever seen or imagined well i don t quite agree with you there said a man who was lying full length on one of the close by and smoking these brown have fine eyes there doesn t seem to be any lack of expression in them and that reminds me there is a fellow arrived here to day who looks for all the world like an egyptian of the best form he is a frenchman though a al knows him he is the famous painter indeed and sir roused himself at the name the the only one original laughed the other he s come here to make studies of eastern women a rare old time he ll have among them i he s not famous for character he ought to paint the princess ah by the bye i wanted to ask you about that lady does anyone know who she is my wife is very anxious to find out whether she is well er quite the proper person you know when one has young girls one cannot be too careful the man on the got up slowly and stretched his long limbs with a lazy in the action he was a sporting person with means and large estates in scotland and ireland he lived a joyous don t care life of wandering about the world in search of adventures and he had a scorn of newspapers and their among them and whenever sir spoke of his young girls he was moved to smiling as he knew the youngest of the twain was at least thirty he also recognised and avoided the traps and set for him by lady in | 33 |
had a very trying habit of closely studying every object small or great that came under his observation he studied the natives to such an extent that he knew every shade of colour in their skins he studied sir and knew that he occasionally took to put things into his paper he studied and and knew that they would never succeed in getting husbands he studied lady and thought her very well got up for sixty he studied and knew he would never do anything but kill animals all his life and he studied the working of the palace hotel and saw a fortune rising out of it for the but apart from these ordinary surface things he studied other matters peculiarities of temperament strange generally he could read the egyptian perfectly and he understood the between royal and ones he was never dull he had plenty to do and he took everything as it came in its turn even the costume ball for which he had now attired himself did not present itself to him as a bore but as a new vein of information opening to him fresh glimpses of the as seen in a state of i think he now said complacently that the cap and gown look well for a man of my years it is a simple garb but cool convenient and not i had thought at first of the dress of an ancient egyptian priest but i find it difficult to secure the complete i would never wear a costume of the kind that was not in every point correct no one smiled no one would have dared to smile at dean when he spoke of correct things he had studied them as he had studied everything and he knew all about them sir murmured quite right er the ancient designs were very elaborate and finished dr dean of very curious i assure you but i fear i have interrupted your talk mr was speaking about somebody s beautiful eyes who is the fair one in question the princess said lord i was saying that i don t quite like the look of her eyes why not why not demanded the doctor with sudden what s the matter with them everything s the matter with replied with a forced laugh they are too splendid and wild for he likes the english pale blue better than the egyptian black no i don t said lord speaking more than was customary with him i hate pale blue eyes i prefer soft violet grey ones like miss s miss is a very charming young lady said dr dean but her beauty is quite of an ordinary type while that of the princess is extra exactly that s just what i say declared i think she is the loveliest woman i have ever seen there was a pause during which the little doctor looked with a like curiosity from one man to the other sir rose up from the depths of his i think said he i had better go and get into my uniform the you know i always have it with me wherever i go it comes in very useful for fancy balls such as the one we are going to have to night when no particular period is observed in costume isn t it about time we all got ready upon my life i think it is agreed lord i am coming out as a i don t believe ever really dress in the way i m going to make up but it s the accepted stage type don know ah i you will look very well in it murmured vaguely here comes they all turned instinctively to watch the entrance of a handsome young man attired in the picturesque garb worn by during the prosperous reign of the it was a costume admirably adapted to the who being grave and almost stern of feature needed the brightness of jewels and the of velvet and satin to throw out the classic of his fine head and the lustre of his brooding darkly passionate eyes was a pure blooded the level brows the firm lips the straight fearless look all him a son of the crowned mountains and a of the proud races that scorned the and retained sufficient of the material whereof their early ancestors were made to be capable of both the extremes of hate and love in their most potent forms he moved slowly towards the group of men awaiting his approach with a reserved air of something like it was possible he was conscious of his good looks but it was equally evident that he did not desire to be made the object of impertinent remark his friends silently recognised this and only lord moved to a mild transport of admiration ventured to comment on his appearance i say you re awfully well got up i awfully well magnificent bowed with a somewhat wearied and sarcastic air when one is in rome or egypt one must do as rome or egypt does he said carelessly if hotel will give fancy balls it is necessary to rise to the occasion you look very well doctor why don t you other fellows go and get your on it s past ten o clock and the princess will be here by eleven there are other people coming besides the princess are there not mr inquired sir with an air glanced him over i believe there are he answered coolly otherwise the ball would scarcely pay its expenses but as the princess is the most beautiful woman in this season she will naturally be the centre of attraction that s why i mentioned she would be here at eleven she told you that inquired she did looked up then down and seemed about to speak again but checked himself and finally strolled oflf followed by lord i hear said | 33 |
dr dean then addressing that a great has arrived at this hotel the painter face brightened instantly with a pleasant smile the dearest friend i have in the world he said yes he is here i met him outside the door this afternoon we are very old i have stayed with him in paris and he has stayed with me in scotland a charming fellow he is very french in his ideas but he knows england well and speaks english perfectly french in his ideas i echoed sir who was just preparing to leave the dear me how is that he is a frenchman said dr dean therefore that his ideas should be french ought not to be a matter of surprise to us my dear sir sir he had a suspicion that he the editor and proprietor of the daily dial was being laughed at and he at once on his high horse of british morality frenchman or no frenchman he observed the ideas in france at the present day are distinctly profane and there is a lack of principle a want of in er the french press for example that is highly deplorable and is the english press asked languidly we hope so replied sir we do our best to make it so and with that remark he took his and himself away into retirement leaving dr dean and young facing each other a singular pair enough in the contrast of their appearance and dress the one small lean and in plain cut loose flowing gown the other tall broad and muscular clad in the rich attire of and looking for all the world like a fine picture of that period stepped out from its frame there was a silence between them for a moment then the doctor spoke in a low tone it won t do my dear boy i assure you it won t do you will break your heart over a dream and make yourself miserable for nothing and you will break your sister s heart as well perhaps you haven t thought of that flung himself into the chair sir had just and gave vent to a sigh that was almost a groan doesn t know yet he said hoarsely i know nothing myself how can i i haven t said a word to to her if i spoke all that was in my mind i she would laugh at me you are the only one who has guessed my secret you saw me last night when i when i accompanied her home but i never passed her palace gates she wouldn t let me she bade me outside a servant admitted her and she vanished through the like a witch or a ghost sometimes i fancy she is a ghost she is so white so light so noiseless and so lovely he turned his eyes away ashamed of the emotion that moved him dr dean took off his cap and examined its interior as though he considered it remarkable yes he said slowly i have thought the same thing of her sometimes further conversation was interrupted by the entrance of the military band of the evening which now crossed the each man carrying his instrument with him and these were followed by several groups of people in fancy dress all ready and eager for the ball and in drooping flower girls water figures of night and morning mingled with the of dead and gone kings and queens began to flock together laughing and talking on their way to the ball room and presently among them came a man whose superior height and build combined with his eminently picturesque half savage type of beauty caused to turn and watch him as he passed and murmur whispering comments on the various qualities wherein he from themselves he was attired for the occasion as a chief and his fierce black eyes and dark hair combined with the natural olive tint of his complexion were well set ofi by the snowy folds of his and the whiteness of his entire costume which was by any colour save at the waist where a gleam of scarlet was shown in the which helped to fasten a looking dagger and other correct weapons of attack to his belt he entered the hall with a swift and singularly light step and made straight for ah here you are he said speaking english with a slight foreign accent which was more agreeable to the ear than otherwise but my excellent boy what magnificence a costume never say to me that you are not vain you are as conscious of your good looks as any pretty woman behold me how simple and i am he laughed and sprang up from the chair where he had been oh come i like that he exclaimed simple and why everybody is staring at you now as if you had dropped from the moon you cannot be and simple and at the same time i why not demanded lightly fame is capricious and her trumpet is not loud enough to be heard all over the world at once the venerable proprietor of the dirty where i managed to purchase these charming articles of costume had never heard of me in his life miserable man he does not know what he has missed i here his flashing black eyes lit suddenly on dr dean who was studying him in the same sort of way in which that learned little man studied everything a friend of yours he yes responded readily a very great friend dr dean dr dean let me introduce to you i need not explain him further i you need not indeed said the doctor with a bow the name is one of universal it is not always an advantage this universal replied nor is it true that any is actually universal | 33 |
perhaps the only living person that is universally known by name at least is mankind are at one in their appreciation of vice i cannot altogether agree with you there said dr dean slowly keeping his gaze fixed on the artist s bold proud features with singular curiosity the french academy i presume are as of human weaknesses as most men but taken some spirit higher and stronger than their own keeps them unanimous in their of the notorious who sacrifices all the of art and beauty to the discussion of topics in decent society laughed idly oh he will get in some day you may be sure he answered there is no spirit higher and stronger than the spirit of in man and in time when a few prejudices have died away and sentiment has been worn will be as the first of the french with even more honours than if he had succeeded in the beginning that is the way of all those select bodies as napoleon said le a qui salt the little doctor s countenance now showed the most lively and eager interest you quite believe that you are entirely sure of what you said just now what did i say i forget smiled lighting a and beginning to smoke it leisurely you said there is no spirit higher or stronger than the spirit of in man are you positive on this point why of course most entirely positive and the great painter looked amused as he gave the reply is nature or the things to nature and there is nothing higher or stronger than nature ever and how about god inquired dr dean with a curious air as if he were a remarkable god laughed loudly pardon i are you a clergyman by no means and the doctor gave a little bow and smile i am not in any way connected with the church i am a doctor of laws and literature a humble student of philosophy and science generally philosophy science interrupted and you ask about god i science and philosophy have beyond him exactly and dr dean rubbed his hands together pleasantly that is your yes i thought so science and philosophy to put it have beaten poor god on his own ground i ha ha ha i very good very good and humorous as well i ha ha and a very droll appearance just then had this humble student of philosophy and science generally for he bent himself to and fro with laughter and his small eyes almost disappeared behind his brows in the excess of his mirth and two formed themselves near his thin mouth such lines as are on the ancient greek which indicate satire flushed doesn t believe in anything but art he said as though half for his friend art is the sole object of his existence i don t believe he ever has time to think about anything else of what else should i think mon ami exclaimed of life it is all art to me and by art i mean the and of nature oh if you do that sort of thing you are a interposed dr dean emphatically nature neither nor itself it is simply nature and no more matter by spirit is anything but ideal precisely answered quickly and with some warmth but my spirit it my imagination sees beyond it my soul it oh you have a soul exclaimed dr dean beginning to laugh again now how did you find that out looked at him in a sudden surprise every man has an inward self naturally he said we call it sour as a figure of speech it is really temperament merely oh it is merely temperament then you don t think it is likely to you this soul to take new phases upon itself and go on existing an immortal being when your body is in a far worse condition because less carefully preserved than an egyptian certainly not and flung away the end of his finished the immortality of the soul is quite an exploded theory it was always a ridiculous one we have quite enough to vex us in our present life and why men ever set about another is more than i am able to understand it was a most foolish and superstition the gay sound of music now floated towards them from the ball room the strains of a graceful joyous half commanding came beating on the air like the measured movement of wings and beginning to grow restless walked to and fro his eyes watching every figure that crossed and re crossed the hall but dr dean s interest in remained intense and and approaching him he laid two lean fingers delicately on the white folds of the dress just where the heart of the man was hidden a foolish and superstition he echoed slowly and you do not believe in any possibility of there being a life or several lives after this present death through which we must all pass inevitably sooner or not in the least i leave such ideas to the ignorant and i should be unworthy of the of my time if i believed such nonsense death you consider all there is nothing further no mysteries beyond and dr dean s eyes glittered as he stretched forth one thin slight hand and pointed into space with the word beyond an action which gave it a curious emphasis and for a fleeting second left a weird impression on even the careless mind of but he laughed it oflf lightly nothing beyond of course not my dear sir why ask such a question nothing can be or more positive than the fact that death as you say all a woman s laugh low and exquisitely musical on the air as he spoke delicious laughter than song for women as a rule laugh too | 33 |
loudly and the sound of their merriment more of the nature of a goose s than any other sort of natural melody but this laugh soft and silvery was like a delicately subdued played on a magic in the distance and suggested nothing but sweetness and at the sound of it started violently and turned sharply round upon his friend with a look of and perplexity who is that he demanded i have heard that pretty laugh before it must be i know but scarcely heard him pale and with eyes full of yearning and passion he was watching the slow approach of a group of people in fancy dress who were all eagerly pressing round one central figure the figure of a woman clad in gleaming golden and veiled in the old egyptian fashion up to the eyes with jewels flashing about her waist bosom and hair a woman who moved as if she floated rather than walked and whose beauty half hidden as it was by the of the costume she had chosen was so unusual and brilliant that it seemed to create an atmosphere of bewilderment and rapture around her as she came she was preceded by a small boy in a costume of vivid scarlet who walking backwards humbly her slowly with a tall fan of s made after the quaint designs of ancient egypt the lustre from the s feathers the light of her golden garments her jewels and the marvellous black splendour of her eyes all flashed for a moment like sudden lightning on something he knew not what turned him giddy and blind hardly knowing what he did he sprang eagerly forward when all at once he felt the lean small hand of dr dean on his arm and stopped short embarrassed pardon me said the little with a delicate half lifting of his eyebrows but do you know the princess f chapter ii stared at him still dazzled and confused whom did you say the princess no i don t know her yet stay yes i think i have seen her somewhere in paris possibly will you introduce me i leave that duty to mr said the doctor folding his arms neatly behind his back he knows her better i do and smiling his little grim cynical smile he settled his cap more firmly on his head and strolled off towards the stood his eyes fixed on that wondrous golden figure that floated before his eyes like an vision had gone forward to meet the princess and was now talking to her his handsome face with the admiration he made no attempt to conceal after a little pause moved towards him a step or two and caught part of the conversation you look the very beau ideal of an egyptian princess was saying your costume is perfect she laughed again that sweet rare laughter thrilled with the of it it beat in his ears and smote his brain with a strange echo of familiarity is it not she responded i am correct as your friend dr dean would say my ornaments are genuine they all came out of the same tomb i find one fault with your attire princess said one of the male admirers who had entered with her part of your face is veiled that is a cruelty to us all i she the compliment aside with a light gesture it was the fashion in ancient egypt she said love in those old days was not what it is now one glance one smile was sufficient to set the soul on fire and draw another soul towards it to together in the suddenly kindled flame and women veiled their faces in youth lest they should be deemed too prodigal of their charms and in age they covered themselves still more closely in order not to the sun god s by their wrinkles she smiled a dazzling smile that drew yet a few steps closer unconsciously as though he were being but i am not bound to keep the veil always up and as she spoke she loosened it and let it fall showing an exquisite face fair as a lily and of such perfect loveliness that the men who were gathered round her seemed to lose breath and speech at sight of it that pleases you better mr grew very pale bending down he murmured something to her in a low tone she raised her lovely brows with a little touch of surprise that was half and looked at him you say very pretty things but they do not always please me she observed however that is my fault no doubt and she began to move her page preceding her as before stood in her path and confronted her as she came introduce me he said in a commanding tone to looked at him somewhat startled by the suppressed passion in his voice certainly princess permit me she paused a figure of silent grace and attention allow me to present to you my friend the most famous artist in france the princess she raised her deep dark eyes and fixed them on his face and as he looked boldly at her in a kind of audacious admiration he felt again that strange shock which had before thrilled him through and through there was something strangely familiar about her the faint that seemed from her garments the gleam of the on her breast the weird light of the studded serpent in her hair and more much more familiar than these trifles was the sound of her voice penetrating grave and haunting in its tone at last we meet she said slowly and with a graceful inclination on her head but i cannot look upon you as a stranger for i have known you so long in spirit i she smiled a strange smile dazzling yet | 33 |
and something wild and seemed to stir in s as he touched the small hand loaded with quaint gems which she graciously extended towards him i think i have known you too i he said possibly in a dream a dream of beauty never till now i his voice sank to an whisper but she said nothing in reply nor could her looks be into any expression of either pleasure or offence yet through the heart of young went a sudden x pang of jealousy and for the first time in his life he became conscious that even among men as well as women there may exist what is called the petty envy of a possible rival and the uneasy desire to such an one in all points of appearance dress and manner his gaze rested on the tall muscular form of and he noted the and grace of the man with an irritation of which he was ashamed he knew despite his own handsome personality which was set off to such advantage that night by the richness of the costume he had adopted that there was a certain fascination about which was a trick of manner which made him seem picturesque at all times and that even when the great french artist had stayed with him in scotland and got himself up for the occasion in more or less people were fond of remarking that the only man who ever succeeded in making look artistic was and in the white garb he now wore he was seen at his best a i certain restless passion betrayed in eyes and lips made him look the savage part he had dressed for and as he bent his head over the princess s hand and kissed it with an odd mingling of and reverence suddenly began to think how curiously alike they were these two i strong man and fair woman both had many physical points in common the same dark level brows the same half wild half tender eyes the same grace of form the same peculiar lightness of movement and yet both were different while resembling each other it was not what is called a family likeness which existed between them it was the cast of countenance or type that exists between races or tribes and had young not known his friend to be a french al and equally understood the princess to be of russian origin he would have declared them both natives of egypt of the purest caste and highest breeding he was so struck by this idea that he might have spoken his thought aloud had he not heard boldly arranging dance after dance with the princess and apparently preparing to write no name but hers down the entire length of his ball programme a piece of audacity which had the effect of rousing to assert his own rights you promised first princess he said his face flushing as he spoke quite true and you shall have it she replied smiling will have the second the music sounds very inviting shall we not go in we spoil the effect of your crowding about you like this said glancing somewhat sullenly at and the other men surrounding her and by the way you have never told us what character you represent to night some great queen of old time no doubt no i lay no claim to she answered i am for to night the living picture of a once famous and very improper person who bore half my name a of old time known as the favourite of the of a great egyptian warrior described in forgotten histories as the mighty she paused her admirers fascinated by the sound of her voice were all silent she fixed her eyes upon and addressing him only continued yes i am she said she was as i tell you an improper person or would be so considered by the good english people because you know she was never married to this explanation given with the caused a laugh among her listeners that wouldn t make her improper in france said gaily she would only seem more interesting then modern france is like old egypt she still smiling and can be found perhaps who are like in the number of their loves and i should say my country is entirely with copies of him replied was he a very distinguished personage he was old legends say he was the greatest warrior of his time as you are the greatest artist bowed you flatter me fair he said then suddenly as the strange name passed his lips he as if he had been stung and seemed for a moment dazed the princess turned her dark eyes on him something troubles you she asked his brows in a perplexed frown nothing the heat the air a trifle i assure you i will you not join the dancers the music calls you when your with the princess is ended i shall claim my turn for the moment au he stood aside and let the little group pass him by the princess moving with her floating noiseless grace beside her the little boy waving the in front of them both and all the other admirers of this singularly attractive woman crowding together behind he watched the little with strained dim sight till just at the dividing between the and the ball room the princess turned and looked back at him with a smile over all the intervening heads their eyes met in one flash of mutual comprehension then as the fair face vanished like a light absorbed into the lights beyond it left alone dropped heavily into a chair and stared vaguely at the elaborate pattern of the thick carpet at his feet passing his hand across his forehead he withdrew it wet with drops of perspiration what is wrong with me he muttered am i sickening for | 33 |
not dancing miss oh i don t know i m tired she said besides all the men are after that woman they seem to have lost their heads about her ah i and dr dean rubbed his hands yes possibly i well she is certainly very beautiful i cannot see it and flushed with the inward rage which could not be spoken it s the way she dresses more than her looks nobody knows who she is but they do not seem to care about that they are all like over her and that man artist who arrived here to day seems the of the lot haven t you noticed how often he has danced with her i couldn t help noticing that said the doctor emphatically for i have never seen anything more exquisite than the way they together physically they seem made for one another laughed you had better tell mr that he is in a bad enough humour now and that remark of yours wouldn t improve it i can tell you i she broke off abruptly as a slim fair girl dressed as a greek in white with a of silver leaves round her hair suddenly approached and touched dr dean on the arm can i speak to you a moment she asked my dear miss i of course and the doctor turned to her at once what is it she paced with him a few steps in silence while moved languidly away from the terrace and re entered the what is it repeated dr dean you seem distressed come tell me all about it i lifted her eyes the soft violet grey eyes that lord had said he admired with tears and fixed them on the old man s face i wish she said i wish we had never come to egypt i feel as if some great misfortune were going to happen to us i do indeed i oh dr dean have you watched my brother this evening i have he replied and then was silent and what do you think she asked anxiously how can you account for his strangeness his even to me and the tears over and fell despite her efforts to restrain them dr dean stopped in his walk and took her two hands in his own my dear it s no use worrying yourself like this he said nothing can stop the progress of the inevitable i have watched i have watched the new arrival i have watched the mysterious and i have watched you well what is the result the inevitable simply the inevitable is in love is in love everybody is in love except me and one other it is a whole of mischief and i am the unhappy fly that has unconsciously fallen into the very middle of it but the spider my dear the spider who the web in the first instance is the princess and she is not in love i she is the other one she is not in love with anybody any more than i am she s got something else on her mind i don t know what it is exactly but it isn t love her and myself the whole hotel is in love you are in love withdrew her hands from his grasp and a deep flush her fair face i she stammered dr dean you are mistaken dr dean was never mistaken on love matters in his life said that self satisfied sage complacently now my dear don t be i have known both you and your brother ever since you were left little orphan children together if i cannot speak plainly to you who can you are in love little and very too with the man i have heard of him often but i never saw him before to night and i don t approve of him grew as pale as she had been rosy and her face as the moonlight fell upon it was very sorrowful he stayed with us in scotland two ago she said softly he was very agreeable ha no doubt he made a sort of love to you then i suppose i can imagine him doing it very well i there is a nice romantic near your house just where the river runs and where i caught a fifteen pound salmon some five years ago ha catching salmon is healthy work much better than falling in love no no is not good enough for you you want a far better man has he spoken to you to night oh yes and he has danced with me how often once and how many times with the princess s fair head drooped and she answered nothing all at once the little doctor s hand closed on her arm with a soft yet firm grip look i he whispered she raised her eyes and saw two figures step out on the terrace and stand in the full moonlight the white dress of the one and the glittering golden robe of the other made them easily they were and the princess gave a faint quick sigh let us go in she said nonsense i why should we go in on the contrary let us join them oh and shrank visibly at the very idea i cannot do not ask me i have tried you know i have tried to like the princess but something in her i don t know what it is me to speak i think i am afraid of her why should you be afraid it is true one doesn t often see a woman with the eyes of a bat but there is nothing to be frightened about i have the eyes of a bat very interesting work very the princess has them only | 33 |
of course hers are larger and finer but there is exactly the same expression in them i am fond of study you know i am studying her what i are you determined to run away i am engaged for this dance to mr said nervously well well we ll resume our conversation another time and dr dean took her hand and patted it pleasantly don t fret yourself about he ll be all right and take my advice don t marry a chief marry an honest straightforward englishman who ll take care of you not a savage who ll desert and with a humorous and kindly smile dr dean moved off to join the two motionless and picturesque figures that stood side by side looking at the moon while like a frightened bird suddenly released fled back to the ball room where was already searching for her as his partner in the next upon my word mused the doctor this is a very pretty kettle of fish i the palace hotel is not a hotel at all it seems to me it is a lunatic asylum what with lady getting herself up as twenty at the age of sixty and and man hunting with more ferocity than hunt in love in love in love dear me dear me what a list of subjects for a student s consideration and the princess he broke oflf his meditations abruptly vaguely impressed by the strange solemnity of the night an equal solemnity seemed to surround the two figures to which he now drew nigh and as the princess turned her eyes upon him as he came he was to his own vexation aware that something x disturbed his usual and gave him an unpleasant thrill you are enjoying a moonlight stroll doctor she inquired her veil was now cast aside in a careless fold of soft over her shoulders and her face in its ethereal delicacy of feature and brilliant colouring looked almost too beautiful to be human dr dean did not reply for a moment he was thinking what a singular resemblance there was between and one of the figures on a certain egyptian in the british museum enjoying er er a what a moonlight stroll er yes pardon me princess my mind often and i am afraid i am getting a little deaf as well yes i find the night singularly to meditation one cannot be in a land like this under a sky like this and he pointed to the shining heaven without recalling the great histories of the past i they were very much like the histories ol the present said smiling i should doubt that history is what man makes it and the character of man in the early days of was i think more more earnest more strong of purpose more bent on great achievements the principal achievement and glory being to kill as many of one s fellow creatures as possible laughed like the famous warrior of whom the princess has just been telling me was great but now is a forgotten hero said the princess slowly each accent of her voice on the ear like the stroke of a small silver bell none of the modern know any thing about him yet they have not even found his tomb but he was buried in the with all the honours of a king no doubt your clever men will him some day i think the have been very thoroughly said dr dean nothing of any importance remains in them now the princess arched her lovely eyebrows no ah i i you know them better than i do i and she laughed a laugh which was not so much as scornful i am very much interested in said then partly i suppose because he is as yet in the happy condition of being an nobody has dug him up his or him and his ornaments have not been stolen and in the second place i am interested in him because it appears he was in love with the famous of his day whom the princess represents to night i wish i had heard the story before i came to i would have got myself up as in person to night in order to play the lover of the doctor exactly replied with flashing eyes i i could have acted the part i should imagine you could act any part replied the doctor the of love making comes easily to most men the princess looked at him as he spoke and smiled the set as a on her bosom flashed in the moon and in her black eyes there was a similar lurid gleam come and talk to me she said la her hand on his arm i am tired and the conversation of one s ball room partners is very would like me to dance all night i imagine but i am too lazy i leave such energy to lady and to all the english and i love most russian women do i think observed the doctor she laughed but i am not russian i i know i never thought you were he returned but in the hotel has come to the conclusion that you are they are all wrong i what can i do to put them right she inquired with a fascinating little upward movement of her eyebrows nothing i leave them in their ignorance i shall not them though i know your you do and a curious shadow darkened her features but perhaps you are wrong also i think not said the doctor with gentle obstinacy you are an egyptian born in egypt born of egypt pure eastern i there is nothing western about you is not it so she looked at him you have made a near guess she replied but you are not absolutely correct originally i am of t dr nodded | 33 |
pleasantly originally yes that is precisely what i mean originally i let me take you in to supper he offered his arm but made a hasty step forward princess he began she waved him off lightly my dear we are not in the desert where chiefs do just as they like we are in a modern hotel in and all the good english will be dreadfully shocked if i am seen too much with you i have danced with you five times remember and i will dance with you once more before i leave when our begins come and find me in the supper room she moved away on dr dean s arm and drew back and let her pass when she had gone he lit a and walked impatiently up and down the terrace a heavy frown his brows the shadow of a man suddenly darkened the moonlight in front of him and s hand fell on his shoulder he said i must speak to you glanced him up and down taking note of his pale face and wild eyes with a certain good humoured regret and compassion say on my friend looked straight at him biting his lips hard and his hands in the effort to keep down some evidently violent emotion the princess he began smiled and the ash off his the princess he echoed yes what of her she seems to be the only person talked about in everybody in this hotel at any rate begins conversation with precisely the same words as you do the princess upon my life it is very amusing it is not amusing to me said bitterly to me it is a matter of life and death he paused and looked at him curiously we ve always been such good friends he continued that i should be sorry if anything came between us now so i think it is better to make a clean breast of it and speak out plainly again he hesitated his face growing still paler then with a sudden ardent light glowing in his eyes he said i love the princess threw away his and laughed aloud with a wild my good boy i am very sorry for you i sorry too for myself i the position in which we are placed with all my heart and soul it is unfortunate but it seems inevitable you love the princess and by all the gods ot egypt and so do i chapter iv a step backward then with an impulsive movement strode close up to him his face flushed and his eyes glittering with an evil fire you you love her i what in one short hour you who have often boasted to me of having no heart no eyes for women except as models for your canvas you say now that you love a woman whom you have never seen before to night stop i returned somewhat i am not so sure about that i have seen her before though where i cannot tell but the fire that my now seems to spring from some old passion suddenly revived and the eyes of the woman we are both mad for well they do not inspire my dear friend no neither in you nor in let us be honest with each other there is something vile in the composition of madame la and it to something equally vile in ourselves we shall be dragged down by the force of it pour i i am for you than for myself for you are a good fellow you have what the world is learning to despise sentiment i have none for as i told you before i have no heart but i have passions ones which must be humoured in fact i make it my business in life to humour them do you intend to humour them in this instance assuredly if i can then friend as you have been you can be friend no more said fiercely my god i do you not understand my blood is as warm as yours i will not yield to you one smile one look from no i will kill you first i looked at him calmly will you you are such a boy still by the bye how old are you ah i remember now twenty two only twenty two and i am thirty eight so in the measure of time alone your life is more valuable to you than mine is to me if you choose therefore you can kill me now if you like i have a very convenient dagger in my belt i think it has a point which you are welcome to use for the purpose but for heaven s sake don t about it do it you can kill me of course you can but you cannot mark this well you cannot prevent my loving the same woman whom you love i think instead of about the matter here in the moonlight which has the of making us look like two in a set stage scene we d better make the best of it and resolve to abide by the lady s choice in the matter what say you you have known her for many days i have known her for two hours you have had the first so you cannot complain here he the knife which hung at his belt and offered it to a holding it delicately by the glittering blade one thrust my brave boy he said and you will stop the fever in my veins at once and for ever but unless you deal the murderer s blow the fever will go on increasing till it reaches its height and then and then echoed then oh god only knows what then | 33 |
thrust away the offered weapon with a movement of aversion you can jest he said you are always but you do not know you cannot read the horrible thoughts in my mind i cannot resolve their meaning even to myself there is some truth in your light words i feel i know instinctively that the woman i love has an attraction about her which is not good but evil yet what does that matter do not men sometimes love vile women always i replied briefly i have suffered ever since i saw her face exclaimed the unhappy lad his self control suddenly giving way you cannot imagine what my life has been her eyes make me mad the merest touch of her hand seems to drag me away to finished that is the usual end of the journey we men take with beautiful women and now went on hardly him as if my own despair were not sufficient you must needs add to it what evil fate i wonder sent you to of course i have no chance with her now you are sure to win the day and can you wonder then that i feel as if i could kill you oh i wonder at nothing said calmly except perhaps at myself and i echo your words most what evil fate sent me to i cannot tell but here i purpose to remain my dear don t let us quarrel if we can help it it is such a waste of time i am not angry with you for loving la try therefore not to be angry with me let the fair one herself decide as to our merits my own opinion is that she cares for neither of us and moreover that she never will care for anyone except her fascinating self and certainly her charms are quite enough to her whole attention by the way let me ask you in this passion of yours for it is a passion just as mine is do you actually intend to make the your wife if she will have you of course replied with some a fleeting expression of amusement flitted over s features it is very honourable of you he said very i my dear boy you shall have your full chance because i i would not make the princess madame for all the world i she is not formed for a life of and pardon me i cannot picture her as the contented of your grand old scotch castle in why not from an artistic point of view the idea is said lazily nevertheless i will not interfere with your face brightened you will not i will not i promise but and here paused looking his young friend full in the eyes remember if your chance falls to the ground if madame gives you your if she does not consent to be a and listen every day to the at dinner you cannot expect me then to be indifferent to my own desires she shall not be madame oh no she shall not be asked to attend to the she shall act the r e for which she has dressed to night she shall be another to another though the wild days of egypt are no more a sudden shiver ran through him as he spoke and instinctively he drew the white folds of his picturesque garb closer about him there is a chill wind sweeping in from the desert he said an evil sandy breath of dust blown through the of the of kings let us go in looked at him in a kind of dull despair and what is to be done he asked i cannot answer for myself and from what you say neither can you my dear friend or foe whichever you determine to be i can answer for myself in one particular at any rate namely that as i told you i shall not ask the princess to marry me you on the contrary will do so chance i i shall do nothing to prevent madame from accepting the honourable position you intend to offer her and till the has gone forth and the fair one has decided we will not fly at each other s throats like wolves possession of a lamb we will assume composure even if we have it not he paused and laid one hand kindly on the younger man s shoulder is it agreed gave a mute sign of resigned acquiescence good i i like you you are a charming boy hot tempered and a trifle in your loves and yes for that you might have been a al instead of a before i knew you i had a vague idea that all were or needs must be ridiculous i don t know why i associated them with short and i had no idea of the type you so well represent the dark fine eyes the strong and the impetuous disposition which suggests the south rather than the north and to night you look so unlike the accepted picture of the ever dancing that you might in very truth be a in more points than the dress which so well becomes you yes i like you and more than you i like your sister that is why i don t want to quarrel with you i wouldn t grieve for the world gave him a quick half angry side glance you are a strange fellow two ago you were almost in love with sighed true almost that s just it almost is a very uncomfortable word i have been almost in love so many times i have never been drawn by a woman s eyes and dragged down down in a mad of sweetness and poison i have never had my soul | 33 |
by the of a woman s hair black hair black as night in the of which a serpent i have never felt the horror of a love like strong drink mounting through the blood to the brain and there making confusion of time space eternity everything except the passion itself never never have i felt all this till to night to night it is a wild night of dancing and folly and the princess is to blame for it all don t look so tragic my good what you now what me good heavens can you ask it and gave a gesture of mingled despair and impatience if you love her in this wild way it is the only way i know of said love must be wild and to save it from it must be a summer the heavy brooding of the clouds of thought the lightning of desire then the crash the and the end in which the bland sun smiles upon a bland world of dull but wholesome routine and tame making believe that there never was such a thing known as the past storm be consoled and trust me you shall have time to make your honourable proposal and madame had better accept you for your love would last mine could not he spoke with a strange and and his eyes were darkened by a sudden shadow of melancholy bewildered at his words and manner stared at him in a kind of helpless indignation then you admit yourself to be cruel and he said loo smiled with a little of impatience do i i was not aware of it is to women cruelty and want of principle if so all men must bear the of the accusation with me for men were originally and always looked upon women as toys or slaves the taint is not out of us yet i assure you at any rate it is not out of me i am a pure savage i consider the love of woman as my right if i win it i enjoy it as long as i please but no longer and not all the forces of heaven and earth should bind me to any woman i had once grown weary of if that is your character said stiffly it were well the princess should know it true and laughed loudly tell her mon ami i tell her that is an villain not worth a glance from her dazzling eyes i it will be the way to make her me my good boy do you not know that there is something very marvellous in the attraction we call love it is a pre ordained destiny and if one soul s so constituted that it must meet and mix with another nothing can hinder the operation so that believe me i am quite indifferent as to what you say ot me to madame la or to anyone else it will not be for either my looks or my character that she will love me if indeed she ever does love me it will be for something indistinct but in us both which no one on earth can explain and now i must go and claim the fair one for this try and look less miserable my dear fellow i will not quarrel with you on the princess s account nor on any other pretext if i can help it for i don t want to kill you and i am convinced your death and not mine would be the result of a fight between us his eyes flashed under his straight fierce brows with a sudden touch of and his commanding presence became almost over tormented with a dozen cross currents of feeling young was mute only his breath came and v ent quickly and there was a certain silently declared in his very attitude saw it and smiled then turning away with his peculiarly noiseless step and grace of bearing he disappeared chapter v ten minutes later the larger number of dancers in the ball room came to a sudden pause in their and stood looking on in open mouthed reluctantly admiring at the exquisite movements of the princess as she floated past them in the arms of who as a chief was perhaps only acting his part aright when he held her to him with so passionate and close a grip and gazed down upon her fair face with such a burning in his eyes nothing in the dancing world was ever seen like the dancing of these nothing so beautiful as the swaying grace of their well matched figures gliding to the music in as perfectly harmonious a measure as a bird s two wings beat to the of the air people noticed that as the princess danced a tiny sound accompanied her every step and the more curious peeping downwards as she flew by saw that she had kept to the details of ancient egyptian costume so exactly that she even wore and that her perfectly shaped and lovely as perfectly shaped and lovely hands were bare save for the ribbons which crossed them and which were fastened with jewels round the slim ankles were light bands of gold also glittering with gems and adorned by little golden bells which produced the pretty music that attracted attention what a delightful creature she is said lady settling her of hat on her powdered wig more and smiling up in the face of who happened to be standing close by so sweetly everybody here thinks her improper she may be but i like her tm not a bit of a smiled at this and old lady were indeed wide apart aloud he said x t i think whenever a woman is beautiful she generally gets reported as improper by her own sex especially if she has a fascinating manner and dresses well | 33 |
the law of any more than we can alter the material law of it is growing late i think if you will excuse me i will go to bed looked at him puzzled and baffled then your scientific ghosts are positive realities he began here he gave a violent start as a tall white figure suddenly moved out of the shadows in the garden and came slowly towards them upon my life doctor you have made me quite nervous i no no surely not smiled the doctor pleasantly not nervous not such a brave of game as you are no no you don t take for a ghost do you he is too substantial far too substantial ha ha ha and he laughed quietly the wrinkled smile still remaining on his face as approached everybody is going to bed said the great artist lazily with the departure of the princess the pleasures of the evening are ended she is certainly the of this season said but i tell you what i am rather sorry to see young has lost his head about hen so am i said it seems a pity he will get over it interposed dr dean placidly it s an illness like we must do all we can to keep down the temperature of the patient and we shall pull him through keep him cool in short laughed exactly the little doctor smiled you look feverish flushed red under his dark skin i i am feverish he replied i find this place hot as an oven i think i should go away to morrow if i had not asked the princess to sit to me you are going to paint her picture exclaimed by jove i congratulate you it will be the master piece of the next bowed you flatter me the princess is undoubtedly an attractive subject but as i said before this place me i think the hotel is too near the river there is an smell from the that i hate and the heat is perfectly don t you find it so doctor n n o i cannot say that i do let me feel your pulse i am not a medical man but i can easily recognise any of illness held out his long brown hand and the s small cool fingers pressed lightly on his wrist you are quite well he said after a pause you have a little of the nerves certainly but it is not by medicine he dropped the hand he held and looked up good night good night responded good night added and with an amiable salutation the doctor went his way the ball room was now quite deserted and the hotel servants were the lights a curious little man that doctor observed addressing to whom as yet he had not been formally introduced very curious was the reply i have known him for some years he is a very clever but i have never been able quite to make him out i think he is a bit eccentric he s just been telling me he believes in ghosts ah poor fellow and yawned as with his companion he crossed the deserted ball room then he has what you call a screw loose i suppose it is that which makes him interesting good night good night and separating they went their several ways to the small cell like which are the prime discomfort of the palace hotel and soon a great silence reigned throughout the building all slept save where at an open window the moon shone full on a face up turned to her silver radiance the white watchful face and dark sleepless eyes of the princess chapter vi next day the ordinary course of things was resumed at the palace hotel and the delights and of the began to vanish into what calls the men were than usual and came down later to breakfast and girls looked worn and haggard with over much dancing but otherwise there was no sign to indicate that the of the past evening had left tracks behind or made a lasting impression of importance on any human life lady and pig faced sat on the terrace working at an elaborate piece of cross talking scandal in the tone imaginable and all her dear friends with that peculiar air of entire politeness and good breeding which certain ladies when they are sa nasty things about one another her daughters and sat near her one reading the daily as the offspring of the editor and proprietor thereof the other knitting lord on the close by and his lovely mother attired in quite a charming and girlish costume of white exquisitely cut and fitting into a waist not measuring more than twenty two inches in a long deck chair looking the very pink of painted and powdered perfection you are so very lady was saying as she bent over her so very my dear lady that i am afraid you do not read people s characters as correctly as i do i have had owing to my husband s position in a great deal of social experience and i assure you i do not think the princess a safe person she may be perfectly proper she may be but she is not the style we are accustomed to in london i should rather think not interrupted lord hastily by jove i she wouldn t have a hair left on her head in london don know what do you mean inquired you really do say such funny things lord do i and the young nobleman was so alarmed and embarrassed at the very idea of his ever saying funny things that he was rendered quite speechless for a moment anon he took heart and resumed er well i mean that the society women would tear her to | 33 |
round he addressed the artist who just then stepped out on the terrace carrying a paint box and a large canvas together in form are you going to sketch some picturesque corner of the city no replied raising his white sun hat to the ladies present with a courteous yet somewhat indifferent grace i m going to the princess s i shall probably get the whole outline of her features this morning a full length portrait inquired the doctor i fancy not not the first attempt at any rate head and shoulders only do you know where her house is asked lord if you don t v walk with you and show you the way thanks you are very good i shall be obliged to you and raising his hat again he sauntered slowly off young walking with him and to him with more animation than that exhausted and somewhat vacant minded usually showed to anyone it is exceedingly warm said lady rising then and putting away her apparatus i thought of driving to the this afternoon but really there is shade all the way suggested the doctor i said as much to a young woman this morning who has been in the hotel for nearly two months and hasn t seen the yet what has she been doing with herself asked lady smiling dancing with officers said dr dean how can compare with a in military uniform good bye for the present going to hunt for i thought you had such a collection of them already said lady so i have but the princess had a remarkable one on last night and i want to find another like it it s blue very blue almost like a rare and it appears it is the sign manual of the warrior who was a kind of king in his way or desert chief which was about the same thing in those days he fought for and seemed from all accounts to be a greater man than himself the princess is a wonderful i had a most interesting conversation with her last night in the supper room then she is really a woman of culture and intelligence lady the doctor smiled i should say she would be a great deal too much for the university of oxford as far as oriental learning goes he said she can read the egyptian she tells me and she can anything on any of the monuments i only wish i could persuade her to accompany me to and lady her fan and swayed it to and fro with an elegant languor how delightful that would she sighed so romantic and all those dear old cities with those marvellous figures of the carved and painted on the stones and dear he really has good legs ever haven t you noticed that so many of these ancient represent the with such bodies and such thin legs but always has good legs wherever you find him it s so refreshing do make up a party dr dean we u all go with you and i m sure the princess will be the most charming companion possible let ns have a i m good for half the expenses if you will only arrange everything the doctor his chin and looked but he was evidently attracted by the idea i see about it he said at last meanwhile i go and have a hunt for some traces of and he strolled down the terrace and lady turning her back on old lady went after her girls while the fascinating herself continued to comfortably in her chair and presently smiled a welcome on a man with a fair moustache who came forward and sat down beside her talking to her in low tender and confidential tones he was the very colonel of one of the then stationed in and as he never wasted time on sentiment he had been lately thinking that a marriage with a who had twenty thousand pounds a year in her own right might not be a half bad arrangement for him so he determined to do the agreeable and as he was a perfect in the art of making love without feeling it he got on very well and hie prospects brightened steadily hour by hour meanwhile young was g through several narrow talking to him as well as he knew how and trying in his feeble way to draw him out in which task he met with but success it must be awfully jolly and er all that sort of thing to be so famous he observed glancing up at the strong dark brooding face above him they had a picture of yours over in london once i went to see it with my mother it was called le do you remember it shrugged his shoulders carelessly yes i remember a poor thing at its best it was a woman with a dagger in her hand yes awfully fine don know she was a very dark woman too dark for my taste and she d got a clasped in her right hand of course she was going to murder somebody with it that was plain enough you meant it so didn t you i suppose i did she was in a sort of eastern get up pursued one of your former studies in egypt perhaps started and passed his hand across his forehead with a bewildered air no no not a former study by any means how could it be this is my first visit to egypt i have never been here before haven t you really well you ll find it awfully interesting and all that sort of thing i don t see half as much of it as i should like i m a weak chap got something wrong with my lungs awful bother but can t be helped my mother won | 33 |
t let me do too much here we are this is the princess s they were standing in a narrow street ending in a de with tall houses on each side which cast long black melancholy shadows on the rough pavement below a vague sense of gloom and oppression stole over as he surveyed the outside of the particular dwelling pointed out to him a square building which had no doubt once been magnificent in its exterior but which now owing to long neglect had into somewhat melancholy decay the sombre ornamented with designs copied from some of the egyptian monuments rather resembled the of a tomb than an entrance to the private residence of a beautiful living woman and noting his companion s silence added not a very cheerful corner is it some of these places are regular holes don know but i it s all right inside you have never been inside never and lowered his voice look up there there s the beast that keeps everybody out followed his glance and perceived behind the projecting carved work of one of the windows a dark wrinkled face and two gleaming eyes which even at that distance had or appeared to have a somewhat sinister expression he s the type of i have ever seen pursued looks just like a corpse smiled and perceiving a long bell handle at the pulled it sharply in another moment the appeared his aspect fully lord s description of him the like skin of his face was black and wrinkled in a thousand places his lips were of a livid blue and were drawn up and down above and below the teeth in a kind of fixed grin while the dense of his eyes was so fierce and fiery as to suggest those of some savage beast for prey madame la began addressing this object with apparent to his the s grinning lips stretched themselves i apart as in a thick voice he demanded et with a smile non pas gave a resigned shrug of his shoulders looked round at him ere he crossed the threshold of the mysterious habitation i m sorry you have to walk back alone don t mention it said you see you have come on business you re going to paint the princess s picture and i this blessed old rascal knows that i want nothing except to look at his mistress and wonder what she s made of what she s made of echoed in surprise don t you think she s made like other women no can t say i do she seems all fire and and eyes in the middle don know oh i m an ass always was bnt that s the feeling she gives i e ta wish you a pleasant morning he nodded and strolled away and hesitated yet another moment looking full at the who returned him stare for stare he began echoed the la oh est l r and the pointed down a long dark passage beyond which there seemed to be the glimmer of green palms and other foliage attend slowly passed in and the great tomb like door closed upon him with a heavy the whole long bright day passed and he did not not a human foot crossed the lonely street and nothing was seen there all through the warm hours save the long black shadows on the pavement which grew longer and darker as the evening fell chapter vii within the palace of the princess a strange silence reigned in whatever way the business of her household was carried on it was evidently with the most absolute for not a sound disturbed the utter stillness her she herself clad in white garments that clung about her closely displaying the perfect outlines of her form stood waiting for her guest in a room that was fairly dazzling to the eye in its profusion of exquisitely and colours as well as impressive to the mind in its suggestions of the past rather than of the present quaint musical of the fashion of thousands of years ago hung on the walls or lay on and tables but no books such as our modem time produces were to be seen only tied up bundles of and curious little of clay inscribed with mysterious flowers adorned every comer z many of them strange blossoms which a would have declared to be unknown in egypt palms and and foliage of every description were up against the walls in graceful profusion and from the windows the light through coloured squares giving a kind of to the room as though it were a scene in a dream rather than a reality and even more dream like than her surroundings was the woman who awaited the approach of her visitor her eyes turned towards the door fiery eyes filled with such ardent as seemed to burn the very air the eyes of a hawk gleaming on its prey the eyes of a tiger in the dark were less with terrific meaning than the eyes of as she listened attentively to the on coming footsteps through the outside corridor which told her that was near at last she whispered at last the next moment the flung the door wide open and announced h she advanced with all the wonderful grace which distinguished her out both her slim soft hands caught them in his own and kissed them fervently whereupon the retired closing the door after him you are very welcome said the princess then speaking with a measured that was attractive as well as soothing to the ear you have left all the dear english people well at the palace lady was not too tired after her exertions at the ball and you but was gazing at her in a speechless confusion of mind too great for words a sudden inexplicable emotion took possession of him an emotion | 33 |
to which he could give no name but which him and held him mute was it her beauty which so dazzled his senses was it some subtle perfume in the room that awoke a dim haunting memory or what was it that seemed so strangely familiar he struggled with himself and finally spoke out his thought i have seen you before princess i am quite sure i have i thought i had last night but to day i am positive about it strange isn t it i wonder where we really met her dark eyes rested on him fully i wonder she echoed smiling the world is so small and so many people now make the grand tour that it is not at all surprising we should have passed each other en route through our journey of life still hesitated glancing about him with a singularly embarrassed air while she continued to watch him intently presently his sensations whatever they were passed oflf and gradually recovering his he became aware that he was quite alone with one of the most fascinating women he had ever seen his eyes flashed and he smiled i have come to paint your picture he said softly shall i begin she had seated herself on a silken and her head rested against a pile of cushions without waiting for her answer he threw himself down beside her and caught her hand in his h shall i paint your picture he whispered or shall i make love to you she laughed the sweet low laugh that somehow chilled his blood while it charmed his hearing whichever you please she answered both performances would no doubt be works of art what do you mean can you not understand if you paint my picture it will be a work of art if you make love to me it will equally be a work of art that is a composed thing an elaborate study love is not a composed thing said leaning closer to her it is wild and full of as the sea and equally as added the princess taking a fan of feathers near her and waving it to and fro man s idea of love is to take all he can get from a woman and give her nothing in return but misery sometimes and sometimes death you do not you cannot think that said looking at her dazzling face with a passion of admiration he made no attempt to conceal men on the whole are not as cruel or as treacherous as women i would swear looking at you that beautiful as you are you are cruel and that is perhaps why i love you you are like a splendid waiting to be tamed and you think you could tame me interposed looking at him with an inscrutable disdain in her black eyes yes if you loved me ah possibly but then it happens that i do not love you i love no one i have had too much of love it is a folly i have grown weary of fixed his eyes on her with an audacious look which seemed to hint that he might possibly take advantage of being alone with her to enforce his ideas of love more than was in accordance with the she perceived his humour smiled and coldly gave him back glance for glance then rising from the she drew herself up to her full height and surveyed him with a kind of indulgent contempt you are an man she said and do you know i fear you always will be a of your soul through centuries of fire will be necessary for you in the next world that next world which you do not believe in but it is perhaps as well to warn you that i am not without protection in this place see and as she spoke she clapped her hands a noise as of brazen bells answered her and springing up from his seat saw to his utter amazement the apparently solid walls of the room in which they were divide rapidly and form themselves in several square which showed a much larger and apartment beyond resembling a great hall here were assembled some twenty or thirty attendants men of a dark and sinister type who appeared to be fully armed judging from the and other weapons they carried at their the princess clapped her hands again and the walls closed in the same rapid fashion as they had opened while the beautiful mistress of this strange habitation laughed at the complete confusion of her visitor and would be lover paint me now she said flinging herself in a picturesque attitude on one of the close by i am ready but am not ready retorted angrily do you take me for a child or a fool both in one responded the princess being a man his breath came and went quickly take care beautiful he said take care how you defy me and take care take care how you defy w she responded with a strange quick glance at him do you not what folly you are talking you are making love to me in the fashion of a rather than a nineteenth century frenchman of good standing and i i have to defend myself against you also wise by showing you that i have armed servants within call it is very strange it would frighten even lady and i think she is not easily frightened pray commence your work and leave such an out of date matter as love to and pretty like miss he was silent and busied himself in his canvas and paint box with a great deal of almost vicious energy in a few moments he had gained sufficient composure to look full at her and taking his in hand he began on the colours talking between do you suppose he | 33 |
said keeping his voice carefully subdued that you can me by showing me a score of wretched black whom you have placed on guard to defend you out there and why did you place them on guard you must have been afraid of me i i could snatch you out of their if i chose you do not know me if you did you would understand that not all the world armed to the teeth should me of my desires but i have been too hasty that i own i can wait he raised his eyes and saw that she was listening with an air of amused indifference i shall have to mix strange tints in your portrait ma it is difficult to find the exact hue of your skin there is rose and brown in it and there is yet another colour which i must while working and it is not the hue of health it is something dark and suggestive of death i hope you are not destined to an early grave and yet why not it is better that a beautiful woman should die in her beauty than live to become old and tiresome you think that interrupted the suddenly smiling somewhat coldly i do most honestly had i lived in the early days of when men were allowed to have as many women as they could provide for i would have killed any sweet favourite as soon as her beauty began to a lovely woman dead in her first exquisite youth how beautiful a subject for the mind to dwell upon how it suggests all manner of poetic fancies and graceful but a woman grown old who has all passion and is a mere bundle of fat or a of skin and bone what poetry does her existence suggest how can she appeal to art or sentiment she is a misery to herself and an to others yes princess believe me love first and death afterwards are a woman s best friends you believe in death asked the princess looking steadily at him it is the only thing i do believe in he answered lightly it is a fact that will bear examination but not contradiction may i ask you to turn your head slightly to the left so yes that will do if i can catch the look in your eyes that there now the look of intense burning greedy cruelty which is so fascinating i shall be content he seated himself opposite to her and putting down his took up his canvas and it on his knee began drawing the a a first rough outline of his sketch in she meanwhile leaning against heaped up cushions of satin remained silent you are not a vain woman he pursued or you would resent my description of your eyes greedy cruelty is not a pretty expression nor would it be considered complimentary by the majority of the fair sex yet from my point of view it is the highest flattery i can pay you for i the eyes of savage animals and the beautiful eye of the forest beast is in your head i wonder what gives you such an love of vengeance he looked up and saw her eyes glistening and at the comers like the eyes of an snake if i have such a feeling she replied slowly it is probably a question of ah your parents were perhaps in their notions of love and hatred he lazily working at his sketch with growing admiration for its result my parents came of a race of kings i she answered all my ancestors were proud and of a temper unknown to this petty day they resented a wrong they punished falsehood and treachery and they took a life for a life your generation every sin known in the with a smile and a shrug you have arrived at the end of your even to the denial of deity and a future life that is not the end of our princess said working away intently with eyes fixed on the canvas as he talked that is the the glory the of everything that is great and supreme in manhood in france man now knows himself to be the only god england good slow pacing england is approaching france in intelligence by degrees and i rejoice to see that it is possible for a newspaper like the to exist in london only the other day that excellent journal was discussing the possibility of teaching to read and a witty writer who the de of very cleverly remarked that supposing were able to read the new testament they would still remain in fact they would probably be greater than ever the fact of such an expression being allowed to pass muster in once pious london is an excellent sign of the times and of our progress towards the pure age of reason the name of christ is no longer one to with a dead silence followed his words and the peculiar stillness and of the atmosphere struck him with a vague alarm he lifted his eyes the princess met his gaze steadily but there was something in her aspect that moved him to and a curious touch of terror the delicate rose tint of her cheeks had faded to an her lips were pressed together tightly and her eyes seemed to have gained a vivid and angry lustre which herself might have envied did you ever try to with that name she asked never he replied forcing a smile and with himself for the inexplicable nature of his emotions she went on slowly in my creed for i have a creed it is believed that those who have never taken the sacred name of christ to their hearts as a of comfort and support are left as it were in the of | 33 |
tossed to and fro among many whirling and mighty forces and haunted for ever by the of their own evil deeds till they learn and accept the truth of their marvellous they are the prey of wicked spirits who tempt and lead them on to divers miseries but when the great name of him who died upon the cross is acknowledged then it is found to be of that nature which turns evil to good and sometimes makes angels out of nevertheless for the hardened and the old laws suffice had stopped the quick movement of his and looked at her curiously what old laws he asked stem justice without mercy she answered then in lighter accents she added have you finished your first outline in reply he turned his canvas round to her showing her a head and boldly presented in black and white she smiled it is clever but it is not like me she said when you begin the colouring you will find that your picture and i have no resemblance to each other he flushed with a sense of wounded pardon madame i am no at the art of painting he said and much as your charms and me they do not my brain and hand from perfectly them upon my canvas i love you to distraction but my passion shall not hinder me from making your picture a she laughed what an you are she said even in your professed passion for me you count yourself first me afterwards naturally he replied must always be first by natural creation when he allows himself to play second fiddle he is a fool and when he is a fool and he often is he is the first of fools said the princess no no hanging by its tail to a tree looks such a fool as a man fool for a man fool has had all the opportunities of education and learning bestowed upon him this great universe with its daily lessons of the natural and the supernatural is his book laid open for his reading and when he will neither read it nor consider it and moreover when he utterly the very maker of it then there is no fool in all creation like him for the fool does at least admit that there may be a stronger beast somewhere a creature who may suddenly come upon him and end his joys of hanging by his tail to a tree and make of his fruit eating and chattering while man thinks there is nothing anywhere superior to himself smiled i am afraid i have ruffled you princess he said i see you have religious ideas i have none once again she laughed religious ideas i not at all i have a creed as i told you but it is an ugly one not at all sentimental or agreeable it is one i have adopted from ancient egypt explain it to me said i will adopt it also for your sake it is too supernatural for you she said paying no heed to the tone of his voice or the expressive tenderness of his eyes never mind love will make me accept an army of ghosts if necessary one of the chief of my faith she continued is the eternal immortality of each individual soul will you accept that for the moment certainly her eyes glowed like great jewels as she proceeded the egyptian i follow is very briefly explained the soul begins in without conscious individuality it through various forms till individual consciousness is attained once attained it is never lost but it lives on pressing towards perfection taking upon itself various phases of existence according to the passions which have most completely it from the first that is all but according to this theory you might have lived in the world long ago and so might i we might even have met and for some reason or other we may have become re now a of my creed would give you that as the reason why you sometimes imagine you have seen me before as she spoke the dazed and troubled sensation he had once previously experienced came upon him he laid down the canvas he held and passed his hand across his forehead yes very curious and fantastic i ve i o heard a great deal about the doctrine of re i don t believe in it i can t believe in it but if i could if i could imagine i had ever met you in some time and you were like what you are at this moment i should have loved you i have loved you you see i cannot leave the subject of love alone and your re idea gives my fancy something to work upon so beautiful if your soul ever took the form of a flower i must have been its companion blossom if it ever paced the forest as a beast of prey i must have been its mate if it ever was human before then i must have been its lover do you like such pretty follies i will talk them by the hour here he rose and with a movement that was half fierce and half tender he knelt beside her taking her hands in his own i love you i i cannot help myself i am drawn to you by some force stronger than my own will but you need not be afraid of me not yet as i said i can wait i can endure the mingled torture and rapture of this i z xx sudden passion and make no sign till my patience and then then i will win yoa if i die for it he sprang up before she could speak a word in answer and seizing his canvas again exclaimed gaily now for the hues of morning and | 33 |
evening combined to paint the radiance of this wicked soul of that so me i first the black of midnight for the hair the lustre of the brightest stars for eyes the blush rose of early dawn for lips and cheeks how shall i make a real beginning of this marvel it will be difficult i fear said slowly with a faint cold smile and still more difficult perchance will be the end chapter viii the table d at the palace hotel had begun when entered the dining room and sat down near lady and dr dean you have missed the soup said her looking up at him with a sweet smile all you artists are alike you have no idea whatever of time and how have you succeeded with that mysterious person the princess kept his gaze steadily fixed on the table cloth he was extremely pale and had the air of one who has gone through some great mental exhaustion i have not succeeded as well as i expected he answered slowly i think my hand must have lost its cunning at any rate whatever the reason may be art has been defeated by nature he up the piece of bread near his plate in small portions with a kind of involuntary violence in the action and dr dean deliberately drawing out a pair of spectacles from their case adjusted them and surveyed him curiously you mean to say that you cannot paint the princess s picture glanced up at him with a half sullen half defiant expression i don t say that he replied i can paint something something which you can call a picture if you like but there is no resemblance to the princess in it she is beautiful and i can get nothing of her beauty i can only get the reflection of a which is not hers how very curious exclaimed lady quite is it not doctor it is almost and she managed to produce a delicate shudder of her white shoulders without the de it will be something fresh for you to study possibly it will possibly said the doctor still surveying through his round glasses but it isn t the first time i have heard of painters who unconsciously produce other faces than those of their i distinctly remember a case in point a gentleman famous for his and general benevolence had his portrait painted by a great artist for to the town hall of his native place and the artist was quite unable to avoid making him into the likeness of a villain it was quite a distressing affair the painter was probably more distressed than anybody about it and he tried by every possible means in his power to impart a truthful and noble aspect to the countenance of the man who was known and admitted to be a benefactor to his race but it was all in vain the portrait when finished was the portrait of a stranger and a scoundrel the people for whom it was intended declared they would not have such a on their generous friend hung up in their town hall the painter was in despair and there was going to be a general when lo and behold the noble personage himself was suddenly arrested for a brutal murder committed twelve years back he was found guilty and hanged and the painter kept the portrait that had so remarkably betrayed the murderer s real nature as a curiosity ever afterwards is that a fact inquired a man o was seated at the other side of the table and who had listened with great interest to the story a positive fact said the doctor one of those many singular circumstances which occur in life and which are b all explanation moved then filling for himself a glass of drained it off something of the same kind has happened to me he said with a hard laugh for out of the most perfect beauty i have only succeeded in presenting an dear me exclaimed lady what a day you must have had but of course you will try again the princess will surely give you another sitting z oh yes i i shall certainly try again and yet again and ever so many times again said with a kind of angry obstinacy in bis tone the more so as she has told me i will never succeed in painting her she told you that did she put in dr dean with an air of lively interest yes just then the handing round of fresh dishes and the clatter of knives and forks put a stop to the conversation for the time and presently glancing about him saw that and his sister were dining apart at a smaller table with young lord and was looking her fairest and best that evening her sweet face framed in its angel of bright hair had a singular look of and truth expressed it rare to find in any woman her early unconsciously to himself sighed as he caught a view of her delicate and lady s sharp ears heard the sound of that sigh isn t that a charming little party over there she asked young people you they always like t be together that very sweet girl miss was so much distressed about her brother to day something was the matter with him a touch of fever i believe that she begged me to let dine with them in order to mr mind is a dear boy you know very in his ways though he says so little then mr volunteered to join them and there they are the are gone to a big dinner at the continental this evening the let me see who are they mused aloud do i know them no that is you have not been formally introduced said dr | 33 |
dean sir is the editor and proprietor of the london daily lady is his wife and the two elderly youthful ladies who appeared as fish wives last night at the ball are his daughters cruel man exclaimed lady z with a girlish the idea of calling those sweet girls and what are they my dear madam what are they demanded the little elderly youthful is a very convenient expression and applies perfectly to people who refuse to be old and cannot possibly be young nonsense i i will not listen to you and her lad opened her fan and spread it before her eyes to completely screen the objectionable doctor from view don t you know your theories are quite out of date nobody is old we all utterly refuse to be old why and she shut her fan with a sudden jerk i shall have you calling me old next never madam said dr dean gallantly laying his hand upon his heart you are quite an exception to the rule you have passed through the furnace of marriage and come out time has done its worst with you and now baffled and powerless it can touch you no more whether this was meant as a compliment or the reverse it would have been difficult to say but lady graciously accepted it as the flattery and bowed smiling and gratified dinner was now drawing to its end and people were giving their orders for to be served to them on the terrace and in the gardens among the rest the doctor turned to him i should like to see your picture of the princess he said that is if you have no objection not the least in the world replied only it isn t the princess it is somebody else a faint shudder passed over him the doctor noticed it talking of curious things went on that irrepressible j i started hunting for a particular to day i couldn t find it of course it generally takes years to find even a trifle that one especially wants but i came across a queer old man in one of the curiosity shops who told me that over at they had just discovered a large in one of the describing the exploits of the very man whose track on started he knew not why what has to do with you he demanded nothing but the princess spoke of him as a great warrior in the days of and she seems to be a great and to know many things of which we are ignorant then you know last night she adopted the costume of a of that period named well now it appears that in one part of this the scene depicted is this very dancing before listened with strained attention his heart beat thickly as though the doctor were telling him of some horrible circumstance in which he had an active part whereas he had truly no interest at all in the matter except in so far as events of history are more or less interesting to well he said after a pause well echoed dr dean there is really nothing more to say beyond that i want to find out everything i can concerning this if only for the reason that the charming princess chose to his lady love last night one must amuse one s self in one s own fashion even in and this me rose feeling in his pocket for his case come he said briefly i will show you my picture he straightened his tall fine figure and walked slowly across the room to the table where sat with his sister and friends he said i have made a strange portrait of the princess and i m going to show it to dr dean i should like you to see it too will you come looked at him with a dark reproach in his eyes if you like he answered shortly i do like and laid his hand a on the young fellow s shoulder with a kind pressure you will find it a piece of curious as well as a proof of my want of skill you are all welcome to come and look at it except here he hesitated except miss i think yes i think it might possibly frighten miss raised her eyes to his but said nothing oh by jove murmured lord feeling his moustache as usual then don t you come miss we ll tell you all about it afterwards i have no curiosity on the subject she said a trifle coldly you will find me in the drawing room i have a letter to write home with a slight salute she left them watching the disappearance of her graceful figure with a tinge of melancholy regret in his eyes it is evident does not like the princess he observed oh well as to that said hastily you know you can t expect women to lose their heads about her as men do besides there s something rather strange in the princess s manner and appearance and perhaps miss doesn t take to her any more than i do oh then you are not one of her lovers dr dean smiling no are you i good heavens my dear young sir i was never in love with a woman in my life that is not what you would call in love at the age of sixteen i wrote verses to a mature young of forty a woman with a remarkably fine figure and plenty of it she rejected my advances with scorn and i have never loved since they all laughed even s sullen features cleared for the moment into the brightness of a smile where did you paint the princess s picture inquired suddenly in her own house replied but we were not alone for the fascinating | 33 |
fair one had some twenty or more armed servants within call there was a movement of surprise among his listeners and be went on yes madame is very well protected i assure you as much so as if she were the first favourite in a come now and see my sketch he led the way to a private sitting room which he had secured for himself in the hotel at almost terms it was a small apartment but it had the advantage of a long french window which opened out into the garden here on an was a canvas with its back turned towards the spectator sit down said abruptly addressing his guests and be prepared for a curiosity unlike anything you have ever seen before he paused a moment looking steadily at dr dean perhaps doctor as you are interested in phenomena you may be able to explain how i got such a face on my canvas for i cannot explain it to myself he slowly turned the canvas round and scarcely the exclamation of amazement that broke simultaneously from all the men present stared at it himself fascinated by a singular more potent than either horror or fear chapter ix what a strange and awful face it was what a thing of distorted passion and pain what an agony was expressed in every of the features agony in which the traces of a divine beauty lingered only to render the whole countenance more and terrific i a kind of solemnity mingled with wrath and terror glared from the painted eyes the lips slightly parted in a cruel upward curve seemed about to utter a shriek of menace the hair drooping in black thick clusters low on the brow looked wet as with the of the and to add to the mysterious horror of the whole conception the distinct outline of a death was seen plainly through the rose brown flesh tints there was no real resemblance in this horrible picture to the radiant and glowing loveliness of the princess yet x at the same time there was sufficient dim to make an imaginative person think it might be possible for her to assume that appearance in death several minutes passed in utter silence then lord suddenly rose i m going he said it s a thing it makes me sick grand i said with a forced smile i really can t help it declared the young man turning his back to the picture if i am rude you must excuse it i m not very strong my mother will tell you i get put out very easily and i shall dream of this horrid face all night if i don t give it a wide berth and without any further remark he stepped out through the open window into the garden and walked oflf made no comment on his departure he turned his eyes towards dr dean who with spectacles on nose was staring hard at the picture with every sign of the deepest interest well doctor he said you see it is not at all like the princess oh yes it is returned the doctor placidly if you could imagine the princess s face in torture it would be like her it is the kind of expression she might wear if she suddenly met with a violent end but why should i paint her so demanded she was perfectly tranquil and her attitude was most composed i her as i thought i saw her how did this tortured head come on my canvas the doctor scratched his chin thoughtfully it was certainly a problem he stared hard at as though searching for the clue to the mystery in the handsome artist s own face then he turned to who had not stirred or spoken what do you think of it eh he asked the young man started as from a dream i don t know what to think of it and you said the doctor addressing i i am of the same opinion as i think it is a horrible thing and the curious part of the matter is that it is like the princess and yet totally unlike upon my word you know it is a very unpleasant picture dr dean got up and paced the room two or three times his brows in a heavy frown suddenly he stopped in front of tell me he said have you any recollection of ever having met the princess before looked puzzled then answered slowly no i have no actual recollection of the kind at the same time i admit to you that there is something about her which has always struck me as being familiar the tone of her voice and the peculiar of her laughter particularly affect me in this way last night when i was dancing with her i wondered x o whether i had ever come across her as a model at one of the in paris or rome the doctor listened to him attentively watching him narrowly the while but he shook his head at the idea of the princess ever having posed as a model no no that won t do he said i do not believe she was ever in the model business think again you are now a man in the prime of life but look back to your early youth the period when young men do wild reckless and often wicked things did you ever in that thoughtless time break a woman s heart flushed and shrugged his shoulders i i may have done who can tell but if i did what would that have to do with this and he tapped the picture impatiently the doctor sat down and his lips with a peculiar air of enjoyment it would have a great deal to do with it he answered that is i ing i have | 33 |
fancy exclaimed how can a man and woman dead five thousand years ago be of any interest to you what interest has demanded the doctor politely or any of the like may lead to fresh discoveries in egypt for all we know one name is as good as another and each has its own mystery they all came just then to a pause in their walk stopping to light a fresh the rays of the rising moon fell upon him as he stood a tall and stately figure against a background of palms and shone on his dark features with a touch of that gave him for the moment an almost appearance dr dean glanced at him with a smile what a figure of an egyptian is he not he said to and look at him what height and what a world of ferocity in those black eyes yes i am talking about you i am admiring you d murmured carefully with one hand the match with which he was his i yes continued the doctor i am admiring you being a little man myself i naturally like tall men and as an of forms i am immensely interested when i see a finely made body in which the soul lies that is why you unconsciously compose for me a wonderful subject of study i wonder now how long this of the has lasted in you it commenced of course originally in but it must have continued through various low forms and met with enormous difficulties in to individual consciousness as man because even now it is scarcely conscious laughed why that beginning of the soul in is part of a creed which the princess was trying to teach me to day he said it s all no use i don t believe in the soul if i did i should be a miserable man why asked why because my dear fellow i be rather afraid of my future i should not like to live again i might have to remember certain incidents which i would rather forget there is your charming sister i must go and talk to her her conversation always does me good and after that picture which i have been unfortunate enough to produce her presence will be as soothing as the freshness of morning after an unpleasant nightmare he moved away with followed him dr dean remained behind and presently wn in a retired comer of the garden alone he took out a small pocket book and pen and occupied himself for more than half an hour in busily writing till he had covered two or three pages with his small neat it is the most interesting problem i ever had the chance of studying he murmured half aloud when he had finished of course if my into the of action are worth an it can only be one case out of thousands thousands aye perhaps millions i great heavens among what terrific unseen forces we live i and in exact proportion to every man s denial of the divinity that shapes our ends so will be measured out to him the revelation of the invisible strange that the human race has never entirely as yet the depth of meaning in the words describing hell where the worm not and where the flame is never the worm is the flame is the immortal spirit and the two are for ever striving to escape from the other horrible and yet there are men who believe in neither one thing nor the other and reject the that does away with both god forgive us all our sins and especially the sins of pride and presumption and with a shade of profound melancholy on his features the little doctor put by his note book and avoiding all the hotel on the terrace and elsewhere retired to his own room and went to bed chapter x the next day when went to call on the princess he was refused the attendant who kept watch and ward at her gates hearing the door bell ring contented himself with thrusting his ugly head through an open upper window and shouting madame est i oil done called in answer i to le desert les returned the at the same time the to in order to prevent the possibility of any further conversation and standing in the street for a moment fancied he heard a peal of malicious laughter in the distance beast he muttered i must try him with a money bribe next time i get hold of him i wonder what i shall do with myself now haunted and brain ridden as i am by this woman and her picture the hot sun glared in his eyes and made them ache the rough stones of the narrow street were to his feet he began to move slowly away with a curious faint sensation of and sickness upon him when the sound of music floating from the direction of the princess s palace brought him to a sudden it was a strange wild melody played on some instrument with seemingly muffled strings a voice with a deep throbbing thrill of sweetness in it began to sing for the peace of the lily it in a waking dream on the waters chilly with its leaves to the wondering knowing naught of the sorrow and restless pain that and the human brain oh for the peace of the lily oh for the pure cold heart of the lily to the moon on the waters dark and chilly a star above is its only love and one brief sigh of its scented breath is all it will ever know of death oh for the pure cold heart of the lily i when the song ceased raised his eyes from the ground on which he had fixed them in a kind of brooding stupor and stared | 33 |
at the burning blue of the sky as vaguely and wildly as a sick man in the delirium of fever god i what me i he muttered supporting himself with one hand against the black and crumbling wall near which he stood why should that melody steal away my strength and make me think of things with which i have surely no connection what tricks my imagination plays me in this city of the i might as well be h what have i to do with dreams of war and triumph and and murder and what is the name of to me he shook himself with the action of a fine brute that has been stung by some insect and his emotions by an effort walked away but he was so absorbed in strange thoughts that he stumbled up against in a side street on the way to the palace hotel without seeing him and would have passed him iq altogether had not somewhat fiercely said stop looked at him why is it you my dear fellow forgive me my i i believe i have got a stroke of the sun or something of the sort i assure you i hardly know what i am doing or where i am going i believe it said hoarsely you are as mad as i am for love smiled a slight incredulous smile you think so i am not sure if love makes a man as thoroughly and nervous as i am to day then love is a veiy bad illness it is the worst illness in the world said speaking hurriedly and wildly the most cruel and i and there is no cure for it save death my god you were my friend but yesterday i i never should have thought it possible to hate you yet you do hate me still smiling a little hate you i could kill you you have been with her quietly took his arm my good you are mistaken i i confess to you frankly i should have been with her you mean the princess of course had it been possible but she has fled the city for the moment at least according to the corpse like who acts as porter he lies exclaimed hotly i saw her this morning i hope you improved your opportunity said anyway at the present moment she is not visible a silence fell between them for some minutes then spoke again it is no use i cannot stand this sort of thing we must have it out what does it all mean it is difficult to explain my dear boy answered half seriously half it means i presume that we are both in love with the same woman and that we both intend to try our chances with her i but as i told you the other night i do not see why we should quarrel about it your intentions towards the princess are honourable mine are and i shall make no secret of them if you win her i shall he paused and there was a sudden look in his eyes which gave them a sombre darkness darker than their own natural colour you shall what asked do something desperate replied what the something will be depends on the humour of the moment a tiger of his prey is not an agreeable beast a strong n an deprived of the woman he passionately desires is a little less agreeable even than the tiger but let us adopt the policy of nothing is decided the fair one cares for neither of us let us be friends until she makes her choice we cannot be friends said sternly good let us be foes then but courteous even in our quarrel dear boy if we must kill each other let us do it to fly at each other s throats would be purely we owe a certain duty to things have since the da n of stared at him gloomily is dr dean s ad he said i don t know anything about egyptian and don t want to know my matter is with the present and not with the past they had reached the hotel by this time and turned into the gardens side by side you understand repeated we cannot be friends gave him a profoundly courteous salute and the two separated later on in the afternoon about an hour before dinner time strolling on the terrace of the hotel alone saw seated at a little distance under some trees with a book in her hand which she was not reading there were tears in her eyes but as he approached her she dashed them away and greeted him with a poor attempt at a smile you have a moment to spare me he asked sitting down beside her she bent her head in acquiescence i am a very unhappy man he began looking at her with a certain compassionate tenderness as he spoke i want your sympathy but i know i do not deserve it remained silent a faint flush her cheeks but her eyes were veiled under the long lashes she thought he could not see them you remember he went on our pleasant times in scotland ah it is a place your home with the beautiful purple hills rolling away in the distance and the glorious covered with fragrant and the of the river that runs between and fir and willow making music all day long for those who have the ears to listen and the hearts to understand the pretty love tune it sings i x you know always have more or less sympathy with the scotch some old association perhaps with the romantic times of mary queen of when the light and fancies of and his brother poets and made in the hearts of many a maiden what is that bright drop on your hand | 33 |
are you cr he waited a moment and his voice was softer and more tremulous dear girl i am not worthy of tears i am not good enough for you he gave her time to recover her momentary emotion and then went on still softly and tenderly listen i want you to believe me and forgive me if you can i know i remember those moonlight evenings in scotland holy and happy evenings as sweet as flower scented pages in a young girl s yes and i did not mean to play with you or wound your gentle heart i almost loved you he spoke the words passionately and for a moment she raised her eyes and looked at him in something of fear as well as sorrow yes i said to myself this woman so true and pure and fair is a bride for a king and if i can win her if i ah there my stopped but i came to egypt chiefly to meet you again knowing that you and your brother were in how was i to know how was i to guess that this horrible thing would happen gazed at him what horrible thing she asked the rich colour coming and going on her face and her heart beating violently as she put the question his eyes flashed this he answered the close and of a woman i never met till the night before last a woman whose face haunts me a woman who me to her side with the force of a there to like a brain sick fool and plead with her for a love which i already know is poison to my soul i you do not understand you will never understand here in the very air i breathe i fancy i can trace the perfume she shakes from her garments as she moves something fascinating yet terrible me to her it is an evil attraction i know but i cannot resist it there is something wicked in every man s nature i am conscious enough that there is something wicked in mine and i have not sufficient goodness to it and this woman this silent gliding glittering eyed creature that has suddenly taken possession of my fancy she me in spite of myself she makes of all the good intentions of my life i admit it i confess it you are speaking of the princess asked of whom else should i speak he responded there is no one like her probably there never was anyone like her except perhaps i as the name passed his lips he sprang hastily up and stood amazed as though some oa sudden voice had called him looked at him in alarm oh what is it she exclaimed he forced a laugh nothing nothing but a madness i suppose it is all a part of my strange malady your brother is stricken with the same fever surely you know that indeed i do know it answered to my sorrow he regarded her intently her face in its pure outline and quiet sadness of expression touched him more than he cared to own even to himself my dear he said with an effort at composure i have been talking wildly you must forgive me don t think about me at all i am not worth it has taken it into his head to quarrel with me on account of the princess but i assure you i will not quarrel with him he is and so am i the best thing for all of us to do would be to leave egypt instantly i feel that instinctively only we cannot do it some thing holds us here you will never persuade to go and i i cannot persuade myself to go there is a clinging sweetness in the air for me and there are vague suggestions memories dreams things which hold me spell bound i wish i could them recognise them or understand them but i cannot and there perhaps is their secret charm only one thing me and that is that i have perhaps in some thoughtless way given you pain is it so she rose quickly and with a quiet dignity held out her hand no she said it is not so i am not one of those women who take every little idle word said by men in jest au grand i you have always been a kind and courteous friend and if you ever fancied you had a warmer feeling for me as you say i am sure you were mistaken we often ourselves in these matters i wish for your sake i could think the princess worthy of the love she so readily but i cannot my brother s for her is to me terrible i feel it will break his heart and mine i a little half sob caught her breath and interrupted her she paused but presently went on with an at calmness you talk of our leaving egypt how i wish that were possible but i spoke to about it on the night of the ball and he was furious with me for the mere suggestion it seems like an evil fate it an evil fate said gloomily my dear we cannot escape from it at least cannot but i never was intended for good things not even for a lasting love a lasting love i feel would bore me you look amazed you believe in lasting love so do many sweet women but do you know what symbol i as an artist would employ were i asked to give my idea of love on my canvas smiled sadly and shook her head i would paint a glowing flame said a flame leaping up from the pit of hell to the height of heaven springing in darkness lost in light and flying into the centre | 33 |
of that flame be a white a blind soft mad thing with beating tremulous wings that should be love whirled into the very heart of the fire crushed out of existence in one wild rushing rapture that is what love must be to me one cannot passion over fifty years more or less of common place routine as marriage would have us do the very notion is absurd love is like a choice wine of exquisite and it is the most draught in the world but you cannot drink it every day no my dear i am not made for a quiet life nor for a long one i fancy his voice unconsciously sank into a melancholy tone and for one moment s composure nearly gave way she loved him as true women love with that sublime which only desires the happiness of the thing beloved yet a kind of rage stirred for once in her gentle soul to think that the mere sight of a strange woman with dark eyes a woman whom no one knew anything about and who was by some people deemed a mere should have so overwhelmed this man whose genius she had deemed superior to fleeting impressions the tears that rose to her eyes and threatened to fall she said good bye he started as from a reverie good bye some day you will think kindly of me again i think kindly of you now she answered then not trusting herself to say any more she turned swiftly and left him the flame and the he mused watching her figure till it had disappeared yes it is the only fitting symbol love must be always so sudden impetuous and then the end to stretch out the divine passion over life long and dinners it would be intolerable to me lord could do that sort of thing his chest is narrow and his sentiments are as limited as his chest he would duly kiss his wife every morning and evening and he would not the fact that no special thrill of joy stirred in him at the action what should he do with of joy this poor and yet it is likely he will marry or will it be the animal the type of man whose one idea is to arise kill and eat v ah well and he sighed she is not for me this maiden grace of womanhood if i married her i should make her miserable i am made for passion not for peace he started as he heard a step behind him and turning saw dr dean the worthy little looked worried and i have had a letter from the princess he said without any preliminary she has gone to secure rooms at the house hotel which is situated close to the she regrets she cannot enter into the idea of taking a trip up the she has no time she says as she is soon leaving but she suggests that we should make up a party for the house while she is staying there as she can so she tells me make the much more interesting for us by her intimate knowledge of them now to me this is a very tempting offer but i should not care to go alone the will go i am sure murmured lazily at any rate will the doctor looked at him narrowly if goes so will you go he said thus there are two already for company and i fancy the might like the idea the princess is leaving presently as though it were an so she me in her letter the party which is to come oflf on wednesday night is her last reception was silent a moment then he said have you told not yet better do so then and glanced up at the sky now glowing red with a fiery sunset he wants to propose you know good god cried the doctor sharply if he to that woman why should he not demanded is she not as ripe for love and fit for marriage as any other of her sex her sex echoed the doctor grimly her sex there for heaven s sake don t talk to me leave me alone the princess is like no woman living she has none of the sentiments of a woman and the notion of s being such a fool as to think of proposing to her oh leave me alone i tell you let me worry this out and clapping his hat well down over his eyes he began to walk away in a strange condition of excitement which he evidently had some difficulty in suddenly however he turned came back and tapped on the chest you are the man for the princess he said there is a madness in you which you call love for her you are her fitting mate not that poor boy in certain men and women spirit leaps to spirit note to note and if all the world were to its bulk nothing could prevent such tumultuous forces rushing together follow your destiny mon but do not ruin another man s life on the way follow your destiny complete it you are bound to do so but in the and to come for god s sake let the innocent go free i he spoke with extraordinary solemnity and stared at him in utter bewilderment and perplexity not understanding in the least what he meant but before he could a word or ask a question dr dean had gone x chapter xl the next two or three days passed without any incident of interest to move the languid calm and excite the fleeting interest of the fashionable english and european visitors who were at the palace hotel the anxious of and afforded subjects of mirth to the the | 33 |
wonderfully youthful of lady provided several ke from which to strike frivolous conversation and when the great painter actually made a sketch of her for his own amusement and made her look about sixteen and girlish at that his popularity knew no bounds wanted to give him a commission particularly the elderly fair and he could have made a fortune had he chosen after the example set him by the english by painting the portraits of ugly who were ready to pay any price to be turned out as handsome but he was too restless and ill at ease to apply himself steadily to work the glowing skies of egypt the picturesque groups of natives to be seen at every turn the curious corners of old these made no impression upon his mind at all and when he was alone he passed whole half hours staring at the strange picture he had made of the princess wherein the face of death seemed him through a mask of life and he welcomed with a strong sense of relief and expectation the long looked for evening of the princess s reception to which many of the visitors in had been invited since a fortnight and which those persons who always profess to be in the know even if they are in ignorance declared would any entertainment ever given during the season the night came at last it was exceedingly but bright and clear and the moon shone with effective on the groups of people that between nine and ten o clock began to throng the narrow street in which the carved tomb like of the princess s residence was the most conspicuous object lady remarkable for bad taste in her dress and the disposal of her diamonds stared in haughty amazement at the who saluted her and her daughters with the grin peculiar to his cast of countenance and swept into the attended by her husband with an air as though she imagined her presence gave the necessary of good style to the proceedings she was followed by lady innocently clad in white and wearing a knot of on her left shoulder lord and his sister also wore white but though she was in the and lady was in the the girl had so much sadness in her face and so much tragedy in her soft eyes that she looked if anything older than the old woman and dr dean arrived together and found themselves in a brilliant crushing crowd of people all of different and all a good deal of impatience because they were delayed a few minutes in an open court where a couple of stone lions with wings were the only spectators of their most singular behaviour said lady and ng to keep us waiting outside like this the princess has no idea of european manners as she spoke a sudden blaze of light on the scene and twenty tall egyptian servants in white with red lighted and marching two by two crossed the court and by mute yet stately gestures invited the company to follow and the company did follow in haste with scramble and as is the way of european manners nowadays and presently having been relieved of their and stood startled and confounded in a huge hall richly adorned with silk and cloth of gold where between two bronze the princess attired wonderfully in a dim pale rose colour with of jewels flashing from her here and there waited to receive her guests like a queen she stood behind her a giant palm and at her feet were strewn roses and lilies on either side of her seated on the ground were young girls clad and veiled to the eyes in the egyptian fashion and as the staring heated and impetuous swarm of travelling english and americans came face to face with her in her marvellous beauty they were for the moment stricken and could scarcely summon up the necessary assurance to advance and take the hand she outstretched to them in welcome she appeared not to see the general embarrassment and greeted all who approached her with courteous ease and composure speaking the few words which every graceful hostess adequate before passing on her visitors and presently music began music wild and fantastic of a character unknown to modern fashionable ears yet strangely familiar to who started at the first sound of it and seemed that is not an ordinary said dr dean in his ear the instruments are ancient and the form of melody is answered nothing for the princess just then approached them come into the red saloon she said i am persuading my guests to pass on there i have an old relief on the walls which i would like you to see you especially dr dean for you are so learned in i hear you are trying to discover traces of i am replied the doctor you interested me very much in his history he was a great man said the princess slowly them as she spoke without hurry and with careful courtesy through the ranks of the now freely chattering and animated company much greater than any of your modern heroes but he had two faults faults which frequently accompany the of power cruelty and selfishness he betrayed and murdered the only woman that ever loved him murdered her exclaimed dr dean how oh it is only a legend i and the princess smiled turning her dark eyes with a languor on who for some reason or other which he could not explain felt as if he were walking in a dream on the edge of a deep chasm of into which he must presently sink to utter destruction all these old histories happened so long ago that they are nothing but m now to the present generation time does not rob any incident of its interest to me said | 33 |
dr dean ages hence queen victoria will be as much a doubtful as king to the wise student of things there is no time and no distance all history from the very beginning is like a wonderful chain in which no link is ever really broken and in which every part fits closely to the other part though why the chain should x exist at all is a mystery we cannot solve yet i am quite certain that even our late friend has his connection with the present if only for the reason that he lived in the past how do you argue out that theory asked with sudden interest how do you argue it the question is how can you argue at all about anything that is so plain and a fact the doctrine of proves it everything that we were once has its part in us now suppose if you like that we were originally no more than shells on the shore some remnant of the nature of the shell must be in us at this moment nothing is lost nothing is wasted not even a thought i carry my theories very far pursued the doctor looking keenly from one to the other of his silent companions as they walked beside him through a long corridor towards the red saloon which could now be seen brilliantly lit up and thronged with people very far indeed especially in regard to matters of love i maintain that if it is that the soul of a man and the seal of a woman must meet must rush together not all the forces of the universe can hinder them aye even if they were for some conventional cause or circumstance themselves reluctant to their destiny it would nevertheless despite them be for mark you in some form or other they have rushed together before i whether as flames in the air or leaves on a tree or flowers in a field they have felt the sweetness and fitness of each other s being in former lives and the craving sense of that sweetness and fitness can never be done away with not as long as this present universe lasts it is a terrible thing continued the doctor in a lower tone a terrible the desire of love in some cases it is a curse in others a divine and blessing the results depend entirely on the of the human creatures possessed by its fever when it rises and burns towards heaven in a steady flame of ever brightening purity and faith then it makes marriage the most perfect on earth the sweetest and most blessed companionship but when it is a mere gust of fire bright and fierce as the sudden leaping light of a then it at a touch faith honour truth and dies into dull ashes in which no spark remains to warm or inspire man s higher nature better death than such a love for it works misery on earth but who can tell what horrors it may not create hereafter i the princess looked at him with a strange weird gleam in her dark eyes you are right she said it is just the hereafter that men never think of i am glad you at least acknowledge the truth of the life beyond death i am bound to acknowledge it returned the doctor inasmuch as i know it exists glanced at him with a smile in which there was something of contempt you are very much behind the age doctor he remarked lightly very much behind indeed agreed dr dean the age rushes on too rapidly for me and gives no time to the of things by the way i stop i take breathing space in which to think life without thought is madness and i desire to have no part in a mad age at that moment they entered the red saloon a stately apartment which was entirely after the most ancient forms of egyptian architecture the centre of the vast room was quite clear of furniture so that the princess s guests went wandering up and down to and fro entirely at their ease without crush or inconvenience and in comers for conversation though if they chose they could on low and benches ranged against the walls and sheltered by tall palms and the music was heard to better advantage here than in the hall where the company had first been received and as the princess moved to a seat under the pale green of a huge tropical and bade her two companions sit beside her sounds of the wildest most melancholy and haunting character began to npon the air in the mournful throbbing fashion in which a sings when its soul is with love the passionate tremor that shakes the bird s throat at time seemed to shake the unseen instruments that now strange melody and listening felt a curious and aching at his heart and a sense of in his throat combined with an desire to seize in his arms the mysterious with her dark eyes and slight yet form to drag her to his breast and crush her there whispering mine mine i by all the gods of the past and present mine who shall tear her from me who dispute my right to love her ruin her murder her if i choose she is mine i the relief i told you of is just above us said the princess then addressing herself to the doctor would you like to examine it one of the servants shall bring you a lighted and by passing it in front of the you will be able to see the design better ah mr and she smiled as she greeted who just then approached you are in time to give us your opinion i want dr | 33 |
dean to see that very old piece of stone carving on the wall above us it will serve as a for him in the history of indeed murmured somewhat the princess glanced at his brooding face and laughed you i know are not interested at all in old history she went on the past has no attraction for you no the present is enough he replied with a glance of mingled hope and passion she smiled and to one of her egyptian attendants bade him bring a lighted he did so and passed it slowly up and down and to the right and left of the large piece of ancient that occupied more than half the wall while dr dean stood by spectacles on nose to examine the carving as closely as possible several other people attracted by what was going on paused to look also and the princess undertook to explain the scene depicted this piece of carving is of the date of the king or iii of the it represents the return of the warrior a favourite servant of the king s after some brilliant victory you see there is the car in which he rides drawn by winged horses and behind him are the ra and he is supposed to be approaching his palace in triumph the gates are thrown open to receive him and coming out to meet him is the chief favourite of his the celebrated of that period whom he afterwards murdered you say dr dean yes he murdered her simply because she loved him too well and was in the way of his ambition there was nothing astonishing in his behaviour not even if you consider it in the light of modern times men always murder morally if not physically the women who love them too well you truly think that asked in a low tone i not only truly think it i truly know it she answered with a flash of her eyes of course i speak of strong men with strong passions they are the only kind of men women ever worship of course a weak good natured man is different he would probably not harm a woman for the world or give her the least cause for pain if he could help it but that sort of man never becomes either an or a master in love was probably both no doubt he considered he had a perfect right to what he had grown weary of he thought no more than men of his type think to day that the taking of a life demands a life in exchange if not in this world then in the next the group of people near her were all silent gazing with an odd fascination at the quaint and ancient figures above them when all at once dr dean taking the from the hands of the egyptian servant held the flame close to the features of the warrior riding in the car of triumph and said slowly do you not see a curious resemblance princess between this and a of ours here present will you kindly step forward yes that will do turn your head slightly so yes now observe the outline of the features of as in this thou sands of years ago and compare it with the outline of the features of our celebrated friend the greatest french artist of his day am i the only one who the remarkable of and expression the princess made no reply a smile crossed her lips but no word escaped them several persons however pressed eagerly forward to look at and comment upon what was indeed a startling likeness the same fierce brows the same proud firm mouth the same shaped eyes were as it seemed copied from the ancient and repeated in flesh and blood in the features of even absorbed though he was in conflicting thoughts of his own was struck by the coincidence it is really very remarkable i he said allowing for the peculiar style of drawing and design common to ancient egypt the portrait of might pass for in egyptian costume himself was silent some mysterious emotion held him mute and he was only aware of a vague irritation that fretted him without any seemingly adequate cause dr dean meanwhile pursued his with the lighted and presently turning round on the assembled little group of he said i have just discovered another singular thing the face of the woman here the and favourite is the face of our charming hostess the princess exclamations of wonder greeted this announcement and everybody their necks to see and then the princess spoke slowly and languidly yes she murmured i was hoping you would perceive that i myself noticed how very like me is the famous and that is just why i dressed in her fashion for the fancy ball the other evening it seemed to me the best thing to do as i wanted to choose an ancient period and then you know i bear half her name dr dean looked at her keenly and a somewhat grim smile wrinkled his lips you could not have done better he declared you and the dancing girl of might be twin sisters he lowered the he held that it might more strongly her face and as the pure outline of her head and throat and bust was thus thrown into full relief staring at her was again conscious of that sudden painful emotion of familiarity which had before overwhelmed him and he felt that in all the world he had no such intimate knowledge of any woman as he had of he knew her ah how did he not know her every curve of that form was to him the living memory of something once possessed and loved and he pressed his hand heavily across his eyes for a moment to shut out the sight | 33 |
of all the exquisite grace which shook his self control and tempted him almost beyond man s mortal endurance are you not well said dr dean observing him closely and handing back the lighted to the egyptian servant who waited to receive it the portraits on this old carving have perhaps you yet there is really nothing of importance in such a coincidence nothing of importance perhaps but surely something of interrupted especially in the resemblance between the princess and the dancing girl of that ancient period their features are positively line for line alike the princess laughed yes is it not curious she said and taking the from her servant she sprang lightly on one of the benches near the wall and leaned her beautiful head on the so that her stood out close against that of the once we are as dr dean says several of the guests had now gathered together in that particular part of the room and they all looked up at her as she stood thus in silent and somewhat superstitious the fascinating in ages past and the lovely living of the present were the image of each other and so extraordinary was the resemblance that it was almost what some folks would term the fair did not however give her acquaintances time for much meditation or surprise concerning the matter for she soon came down from her elevation near the and the she held she said lightly as dr dean has remarked there is really nothing of importance in the ages ago in the time of roses have and who shall say that a rose in to day s garden is not precisely the same in size scent and colour as one that himself plucked at his palace gates thus if flowers are born alike in ages why not women and men very well argued princess said the doctor i quite agree with you nature is bound to repeat some of her t patterns lest she should forget the art of making them there was now a general movement among the guests that particular kind of movement which means and restlessness and that either supper must be immediately served or else some novel entertainment be brought in to attention and prevent the princess turning to said of the dancing girl of and the art of dancing generally i am going to entertain the company presently by letting them see a real old dance of if you will excuse me a moment i must just prepare them and get the rooms slightly cleared i will return to you presently she glided away with her usual noiseless grace and within a few minutes of her departure the gay crowds began to fall back against the walls and themselves generally in expectant groups here and there the egyptian servants moving in and out and evidently informing them of the entertainment in prospect well i shall stay here said dr dean underneath this remarkable stone carving of your warrior you seem very much abstracted i asked you before if you were not well but you never answered me i am perfectly well replied with some irritation the heat is rather trying that is all but i attach no importance to that stone one can easily imagine where there are really none true i and the doctor smiled to himself and said no more just then a wild burst of music sounded suddenly through the apartment and he turned round in lively anticipation to watch the proceedings the middle of the room was now quite clear and presently moving with the silent grace of on still water came four girls closely veiled carrying shaped and a servant followed them and spread a gold embroidered carpet upon the ground whereon they all sat down and began to the strings of their instruments in a muffled dreamy manner a music which had nothing of melody in it and which yet vaguely suggested a passionate tune this went on for some time when all at once from a side entrance in the hall a bright apparently winged thing bounded from the outer darkness into the centre of the hall a woman clad in glistening cloth of gold and veiled entirely in misty folds of white who raising her arms gleaming with high above her head remained poised on for a moment as though about to s fly her bare feet white and sparkled with gems and glittering her skirts as she moved showed fluttering of white and pink like the leaves of may blossom shaken by a summer breeze the music grew louder and and a brazen from unseen prepared her as it seemed for flight she began her dance slowly gliding mysteriously from side to side anon turning suddenly with her head lifted as though listening for some word of love which should recall her or command then bending down again she seemed to float lazily like a creature that was dancing in a dream without conscious knowledge of her actions the brazen c again and then with a wild beautiful movement like that of a hunted leaping the brow of a hill the sprang forward turned and tossed herself round and round with a marvellous and exquisite as if she were nothing but a bright circle of gold spinning in clear spontaneous applause broke forth from every part of the hall the guests crowded forward staring and almost breathless with amazement dr dean got up in a state of the greatest excitement clapping his hands involuntarily and every nerve in his body quivering advanced one or two steps feeling that he must stop this bright wild wanton thing in her incessant whirling or else die in the hunger of love which consumed his soul glanced at him and after a pause left his side and disappeared suddenly with a quick movement the loosened her golden dress and misty veil and tossing them aside like falling leaves | 33 |
she stood confessed a marvellous glowing vision in silvery white no other than the shouts echoed from every part of the hall and at the name lady rose in all her majesty from the seat she had occupied till then and in tones of virtuous indignation said to lady i told you the princess was not a proper person i now it is proved i am right to think i should have brought and here i shall really never forgive myself come sir let us leave this place instantly and stout sir on the exquisite beauty of the princess s form as she still danced on in her snowy white attire her lovely face with mirth at the surprise she had made for her guests tried his best to look and failed in the attempt as he answered certainly i certainly my dear i most improper most astonishing while lady answered innocently is it do you really think so oh dear i i suppose it is improper it must be you know but it is most delightful and original i and while the thus moved to depart in a cloud of outraged propriety followed by others who likewise thought it well to pretend to be shocked at the dizzy breathless and torn by such conflicting passions as he could never express was in a condition more mad than sane my god he muttered under his breath this this is love i this is the beginning and end of life i to possess her to hold her in my arms heart to heart lips to lips this is what all the eternal forces of nature meant when they made me man and he watched with strained passionate eyes the movements of the princess as they grew slower and slower till she seemed floating merely like a foam bell on a wave and then from some unseen quarter of the room a rich throbbing voice began to sing oh for the peace of the lily it in a waking dream on the waters chilly with its leaves to the wondering world knowing naught of the sorrow and restless pain that burns and the human brain for the peace of the lily oh for the pure cold heart of the lily to the moon on the waters dark and chilly a star above is its only love and one brief sigh of its scented breath is all it will ever know of death oh for the pure cold heart of the lily i as the sound died away in a sigh rather than a note the princess s dancing ceased altogether a shout of applause broke from all assembled and in the midst of it there was a sudden commotion and excitement and dr dean was seen bending over a man s prostrate figure the great french painter had suddenly fainted chapter a curious yet very general feeling of superstitious uneasiness and discomfort pervaded the palace hotel the day after the princess s reception something had happened and no one knew what the had been outraged but no one knew why it was certainly not the custom for a hostess and a princess to boot to dance like a wild before a crowd of her invited guests yet as dr dean observed where was the harm in london ladies of good birth and breeding went in for and no one presumed to breathe a word against their why in should not a lady go in for a dance without being considered improper why indeed there seemed no adequate reason for being either surprised or yet surprised and offended most people were and scandal ran and rumour all its poisonous tongues to spread evil reports against the princess s name and fame till and furious rushed up to his sister in her room and swore that he would marry the princess if he died for it they are her downstairs the beasts he said hotly they are calling her by every bad name under the sun i but i will make everything straight for her she shall be my wife if she will have me i will marry her to morrow looked at him in speechless despair oh she faltered and then could say no more for the tears that blinded her eyes oh yes of course i know what you mean he continued marching up and down the room excitedly you are like all the others you think her an i think her the purest the noblest of women i there z is where we i spoke to her last night i told her i loved her you did and gazed at him with wet tragic eyes and she she bade me be silent she told me i must not speak not yet she said she would give me her answer when we were all together at the house hotel you intend to be one of the party there then said faintly of course i do and so do you i hope no i cannot don t ask me i will stay here with lady she is not going nor are the i shall be quite safe with them i would rather not go to the house i could not bear it her voice gave way entirely and she broke out crying bitterly stood still and regarded her with a kind of sullen shame and remorse what a very sympathetic sister you are he observed when you see me madly in love with a woman a perfectly beautiful woman you put yourself at once in the way and make out that my marriage with her will be a misery to you you surely do not expect me to remain single all my life do you no sobbed but i had hoped to see you marry some sweet girl of our own land who would be your dear | 33 |
and true companion who would be a sister to me who there don t mind me be happy in your own way my dear brother i have no business to interfere i can only say that if the princess to marry you i will do my best to like her for your sake well that s something at any rate said with an air of relief don t cry it me as for the sweet girl you have got in view for me you will permit me to say that sweet girls are becoming uncommonly scarce in britain what with and great rough generally with large hands and larger feet i confess i do not care about them i like a womanly woman a graceful woman a fascinating woman and the princess is all that and more surely you consider her beautiful very beautiful indeed sighed poor too beautiful nonsense as if any woman can be too beautiful i i am sorry you won t come to the house it would be a change for you and is going is he better to day timidly oh i believe he is quite well again it was the heat or the scent of the flowers or something of that sort that made him faint last night he is not yet you know and he said that the princess s dancing made him giddy i don t wonder at that murmured it was marvellous glorious said it was like nothing else ever seen or imagined if she were your wife would you care for her to dance before people inquired turned upon her in haughty wrath how like a woman that is i to a nasty suggestion to imply an without uttering it if she were my wife she would do nothing that position then you did think it a persisted no i did said sharply an independent woman may do many things that a married woman may not marriage brings its own duties and time enough to consider them when they come he turned angrily on his heel and left her and burying her fair face in her hands wept long and this strange woman out of egypt had turned her brother s heart against her and stolen away her almost declared lover it was no wonder that her tears fell fast wrung from her with the pain of this double wound for though quiet and had fine feelings and depths of passion in her nature and the fatal attraction she felt for was more than she had herself known now that he had openly confessed his for another it seemed as though the earth had opened at her feet and shown her nothing but a grave in which to fall life empty and blank and bare of love and tenderness stretched before her imagination she saw herself toiling along the even road of duty till her hair became grey and her face thin and wan and wrinkled and never a gleam again of the beautiful glowing romantic passion that for a short time had made her days splendid with the dreams that are sweeter than all realities poor i it was little marvel that she wept as all women weep when their hearts are broken it is so easy to break a heart sometimes a mere word will do it but the vanishing of the winged love god from the soul is even more than heart break it is utter and loss complete and chaos out of which no good thing can ever be designed or created in our days we do our best to supply the place of a reluctant by the gilded grinning figure which we try to consider as superior to any god that ever descended in his rainbow car to sing heavenly songs to mortals but it is an substitute a hideous idol at best and grasp its golden knees and worship it as we will it gives us little or no comfort in the hours of strong temptation or trouble we have made a mistake we in our generation we have banished the old triumphs and delights of life and we have got in exchange steam and but the heart of the age on our new ideas content it nothing its restless yearning it feels this great heart of human life that it is losing more than it gains hence the incessant restless aching of the time and the perpetual longing for something science cannot teach something vague beautiful yet satisfying to every pulse of the soul and the nearest emotion to that divine solace is what we in our higher and better moments recognise as love and love was lost to the choice pearl had fallen in the vast gulf of might have been and not all the forces of nature would ever restore to her that and while she wept to herself in solitude and her brother wandered about in the gardens of the hotel encouraging within himself hopes of winning the for a wife shut up in his room under plea of slight the emotions of the past night and tried to them some men are bom self and are able to their feelings by some peculiar form of mental which finally leads them to cut out tenderness as though it were a love as a disease and romantic aspirations as mere uncomfortable injurious to self interest but was not one of these outwardly he assumed more or less the composed and careless of the modern french but inwardly the man was a raging fire of fierce passions which were sometimes too strong to be held in check at the present moment he was prepared to everything even life itself to obtain possession of the woman he and he made no attempt whatever to resist the tempest of desire that was urging him | 33 |
on with an invincible force in a direction which for some strange and altogether inexplicable reason he dreaded yes there was a dim sense of terror lurking behind all the wild passion that filled his soul a haunting vague idea that this sudden love with its glowing and delirium was like the brilliant red sunset which frequently a night of storm ruin and death yet though he felt this like a creeping shudder of cold through his blood it did not hold him back or for a moment impress him with the idea that it might be better to yield no further to this desperate love madness which him once only he thought what if i left egypt now at once and saw her no more and then he laughed scornfully at the impossibility proposed leave egypt he muttered i might as well leave the world altogether she would draw me back with those sweet wild eyes of hers she would drag me from the parts of the earth u fall at her feet in a very agony of love my god she must hate her way and do with me as she will for i feel that she holds my life in her hands i as he spoke these last words half aloud he sprang up from the chair in which he had been and stood for a moment lost in frowning meditation my life in her hands v he repeated yes it has come to that my life a great broke fr mi him my life my my my name in all these things i have taken pride and she she can them under her feet and make of me nothing more than man for woman s love i what a wild world it what a strange force must that be which created the force that some men call god and others devil a strange blind brute force for it makes us only to fall it gives a man dreams of ambition and splendid only to fling him like a mad fool on a woman s breast and bid him find there and there only the bewildering sweetness which makes everything else in existence poor and tame in comparison well well my life i what is it a grain of sand dropped in the sea let her do with it as she will god how i felt her power upon me last night last night when her figure in the dance reminded me he paused startled at the turn his own thoughts were taking of what let me try and express to myself now what i could not express or last night she i thought was mine mine from her feet to her dusky hair and she danced for me alone it seemed that the jewels she wore upon her rounded arms and slender ankles were all from me every of gold every shining on her fair body was the symbol of some secret joy between us joy so keen as to be almost pain and as she danced i thought i was in the vast hall of a majestic palace where open revealed wide glimpses of a burning desert and deep blue sky i heard the distant sound of rolling drums and not far oflf i saw the a creature not old but new resting upon a giant and guarding the gate of some great temple which contained as i then thought all the treasures of the world i could paint the picture as i saw it then it was a fleeting impression merely up by the dance that my brain and that song of the lily that was strange very strange for i thought i had heard it often before and i saw myself in the vague dream a prince a warrior almost a king and far more famous in the world than i am now he looked about him uneasily with a kind of nervous terror and his eyes rested for a moment on the where the picture he had painted of the princess was placed covered from view by a fold of dark cloth he exclaimed at last with a forced laugh what stupid fancies fool me it is all the vague talk of that would be learned ass dr dean his ridiculous theories about life and death i shall be imagining i am his next this sort of thing will never do let me reason out the matter calmly i love this woman love her to absolute madness it is not the best kind of love maybe but it is the only kind i am capable of and such as it is she possesses it all what then well we go to morrow to the and we join her at the house i and the poor boy he will try his chance i mine if he wins i shall kill him as surely as i myself live yes even though he is s brother no man shall snatch from my arms and continue to breathe if i van it is possible he may kill me and i shall respect him for trying to do it but i shall satisfy my love first will be mine mine in every sense of possession before i die yes that must be that will have to be and afterwards why let do his worst a man can but die once he drew the cloth oflf his and stared at the strange picture of the princess which seemed almost in its half watchful half mocking expression there is a dead face and a living one on this canvas he said and the dead face seems to me as much as the living both have the same cruel smile both the same compelling of eye only it is a singular thing | 33 |
that i should know the dead face even more intimately than the living that the tortured look upon it should be a kind of haunting memory horrible ghastly he flung the cloth over the again impatiently and tried to laugh at his own morbid imagination i know who is responsible for all this nonsense he said it is that ridiculous little half mad dr dean he is going to the house too well i he will be the witness of a comedy or a tragedy there and heaven alone knows which it will be i and to his thoughts from dwelling any longer on the haunting ideas that perplexed him he took up one of the latest and of french novels and began to read some one in a room not far off was singing a french song a man with a rich voice and unconsciously to himself caught the words as they rang out full and clearly on the quiet heated air o j ai aim e tu je t e t ton alarm ci ne tu pas si tu m deserts y pour s de i i and something like a mist of tears clouded his aching eyes as he repeated half mechanically and o j ai tu je t chapter xiii for the benefit of those among the english who have not yet broken a water bottle against the or eaten to the immortal memory of it may be as well to explain that the house hotel is a long rambling building situated within five minutes walk of the great and happily possessed of a ground and a marble swimming bath that nuisance the amateur can there have his dark room for the development of his more or less imperfect plates and there is a resident for the inclined with a and a dark room what more can the soul of the modern desire some of the rooms at the house are small and others large and furnished with sufficient elegance and the princess had secured a of the best that could be obtained and was soon there with luxury she left quite suddenly and without any visible preparation the morning after the reception in which she had astonished her guests by her dancing and she did not call at the palace hotel to say good bye to any of her acquaintances there she was perhaps conscious that her somewhat free behaviour had startled several worthy and persons and possibly she also thought that to take rooms in an hotel which was only an hour s distance from could scarcely be considered as herself from society she was followed to her desert retreat by dr dean and who drove to the house together in one carriage and were more or less all three in a sober and meditative frame of mind they arrived in time to see the bathed in the fierce glow of an ardent sunset which turned the golden sands to crimson and made the granite monster look like a cruel idol surrounded by a sea of blood the brilliant red of the heavens in its stony eyes and gave them a look as of contemplated murder and the same radiance playing on the half scornful half lips caused them to smile with a seeming mockery dr dean stood for a while at the strange splendour of the spectacle and turning to his two silent companions said suddenly there is something after all in the riddle of the it is not a fable it is a truth there is a problem to be solved and that monstrous creature knows it the woman s face the brute s body and in one it is life and more than life it is love for ever and for ever it teaches the same wonderful terrible mystery we yet we fall love would fain give us wings wherewith to fly but the wretched body lies prone it cannot to the light eternal what is the light eternal how do we know it exists we cannot prove it this world is what we see we have to do with it and ourselves soul without body could not exist could it not said the doctor how then does body exist without soul this was an unexpected but fair question and found himself curiously perplexed by it he no reply neither did and they all three slowly entered the house hotel there to be met with by the and landlord and to be assured that they would find their rooms comfortable and also that madame la expected them to dine with her that evening at this message made a sign to that he wished to speak to him alone moved aside with him give me my chance said fiercely take it replied let to night witness the of hearts between you and the princess i shall not interfere stared at him in sullen astonishment you will not interfere your fancy for her is at an end raised his dark glowing eyes and fixed them on his would be rival with a strange and sombre expression my fancy for her my good boy take care what you say don t rouse me too far for i am dangerous my fancy for her what do you know of it you are and young but the chill of the north you in a fashion while i a man in the prime of manhood am of the south and the southern fire no control have you seen a quiet ocean smooth as glass only a in the deep blue to show that perhaps should occasion serve there might arise a little wave and have you seen the wild storm breaking from a black cloud and suddenly making that quiet expanse nothing bat a of furious elements in which the very s cry is and lost in the thunder of the | 33 |
such a storm as that may be compared to the fancy you suppose i feel for the woman who has dragged us both here to die at her feet for that i believe is what it will come to life is not possible under the strain of emotion which we two are living it he broke oflf then resumed in tones i say to you use your opportunities while you have them after dinner i will leave you alone with the princess i will go out for a stroll with dr dean take your chance for as i live it is your last it will be my turn next give me credit for to night s patience i he turned quickly away and in a moment was gone stood still for a while thinking deeply and tr to review the position in which he found himself he was madly in love with a woman for whom his only sister had the most violent and that sister who had once been all in all to him had now become almost less than nothing in the passion which consumed him no consideration for her peace and ultimate happiness affected him though he was sensible of a certain pity when thinking of her gentle ways and yielding to his often impatient and impetuous but after all she was only his sister she could not understand his present condition of mind then there was whom he had for some years looked upon as one of his most admired and intimate friends now he was nothing more or less than a rival and an enemy notwithstanding his seeming courtesy and civil self restraint as a matter of fact he was left alone to face his fate to dare the brilliant of the eyes of to win her or to lose her for ever i and consider every point as he would the weary conviction was borne in upon him that whether he met with victory or defeat the result would bring more misery than joy when he entered the princess s that evening he found dr dean and already there the princess herself attired in a dinner dress made with quite a modem elegance received him in her graceful manner and expressed with much sweetness her hope that the air of the desert would prove to him after the great that had prevailed in nothing but were spoken oh those i what a world of repressed emotions they sometimes cover how difficult it is to conceive that the man and woman who are greeting each other with calm courtesy in a crowded drawing room are the very two who standing face to in the silence of some lonely grove of trees or shaded garden once in their lives suddenly the wild passion that neither dared confess lie deepest under such secrets are buried beneath them as sometimes might make the angels weep i they are however against stronger emotions and the strange of two human creatures talking politely about the weather when the soul of each is for the other has sometimes despite its absurdity saved the situation at dinner the princess devoted herself almost entirely to the entertainment of dr dean and awakened his interest very keenly on the subject of the great it has never really been she said the who imagine they have its secrets are completely in error the upper chambers are mere to the they were built and planned purposely to and the secrets they hide have never even been guessed at much less discovered are you sure of that inquired the doctor eagerly if so would you not give your information i neither give my information nor sell it interrupted the princess smiling coldly i am only a woman and women are supposed to know nothing with the rest of my sex i am judged and imaginative wise men would call my knowledge of history deficient my facts not but if you like i will tell you the story of the construction of the great and why it is unlikely that anyone will ever find the treasures that are buried within it you can receive the narrative with the usual incredulity common to men i shall not attempt to argue the and with you because i never argue treat it as a fairy tale no woman is ever supposed to know anything for a fact she is too stupid only men are wise her dark glance flashed on and anon she smiled and added is it not so wisdom is nothing compared to beauty said a beautiful woman can turn the wisest man into a fool the princess laughed lightly yes and a moment afterwards he regrets his folly she said he for the beautiful woman as a child might cry for the moon and when he at last possesses her he with having her he what shall i do with this beauty which because it is mine now upon me let me kill it and forget it i am of love and the world is full of women i that is the way of your sex it is a brutal way but it is the one most of you follow there is such a thing as love i said looking up quickly a pained flush on his handsome face in the hearts of women yes i said her voice growing tremulous with strange and sudden passion women love ah with what force and tenderness and utter of self i but their love is in ninety nine cases out of a hundred utterly wasted it is a flung to the ungrateful a jewel tossed in the mire if there were not some compensation in the next life for the ruin wrought on loving women the eternal god himself would be a mockery and a jest and is he not fair princess i would not willingly shake your faith in things | 33 |
unseen but what does the eternal god as you call him care as to the destiny of any individual a on this globe of matter does he interfere when the murderer s knife upon the victim and has he ever interfered he it is who created the sexes and placed between them the strong attraction that often works more evil and misery than good and what barrier has he ever interposed between woman and man her natural none save the trifling one of virtue which is a thing and often breaks down at the first temptation no my dear princess the eternal god if there is one does nothing but look on at the universal of creation and in the blindness and silence of things i cannot recognise an eternal god at all we were evidently made to eat drink breed and die and there an end what of ambition asked dr dean what of the inspiration that lifts a man beyond himself and his material needs and teaches him to strive after the highest mere mad folly replied take the arts i for example dream of painting a picture that shall move the world to admiration but i seldom grasp the idea i have imagined i paint something anything and the world at it and some rich fool it leaving me free to paint another something and so on and so on to the end of my career i ask you what satisfaction does it bring what is it to that thousands of human and silly have stared at his and his famous well we do not exactly know what it may or may not be to said the doctor according to my theories is not dead but merely removed into another form on another planet possibly and is working elsewhere you might as well ask what it is to now that he was a famous warrior once moved uneasily yon have got on the brain doctor he said with a forced smile and in our conversation we are forgetting that the princess has promised to tell us a fairy tale the story of the great the princess looked at him then at and lastly at dr dean would you really care to hear it she asked most certainly i they all three answered she rose from the dinner table come here to the window she said you can see the great structure now in the dusky light look at it well and try if you can to that deep deep down in the earth on which it stands is a connected gallery of rocky wherein no human foot has ever penetrated since the swept over the land and made a desert of all the old time her slight figure appeared to as she spoke raising one slender hand and arm to point at the huge mass that up against the clear sky her listeners were silent awed and attentive one of the latest ideas concerning the is as you know that they were built as towers of defence against the that is correct the wise men of the old days foretold the time when the waters should rise and cover the earth and these huge monuments were prepared and raised to a height which it was estimated would always appear above the level of the coming flood to show where the treasures of egypt were hidden for safety yes the treasures of egypt the wisdom the science of egypt they are all down there still i and there to all and purposes they are likely to remain but are of the opinion that the have been thoroughly began dr dean with some excitement the princess interrupted him by a slight gesture my dear doctor arc like the rest of this world s so called learned men they work in one and are generally content with it sometimes an unusually brilliant brain the notion of working in several and is straightway judged as mad or it is when these like sweep across the world s horizon that we hear of a caesar a napoleon a shakespeare but are the and of men they a certain system of work and follow it out by rule and plan without one touch of imagination to help them to discover new channels of interest or historical information as i told you before i began to speak you are welcome to entirely my story of the great but as i have begun it you may as well hear it through she paused a moment then went on according to my information the building of the three hundred years before the in the time of the son of who it is said was the first to receive a warning dream of the coming flood being convinced by his priests and that the was a true one became from that time possessed of one idea which was that the vast learning of egypt its discoveries and strange traditions should not be lost and that the exploits and achievements of those who were great and famous in the land should be so recorded as never to be forgotten in those here where you see these tracts of sand there were great rocks and granite and these for the out of deep in which to conceal treasure when these were prepared to his liking he caused a floor to be made portions of which were rendered by means of secret springs and then leaving a hollow space of some four feet in height he started foundations for another floor above it this upper floor is what you nowadays see when you enter the and no one that under it is an open space with room to walk in and yet another floor below where everything of value is dr dean drew a long breath of astonishing if true the princess smiled somewhat and went on s work | 33 |
was carried on after his death by his and with thousands of slaves toiling night and day the were in the course of years raised above the which concealed egypt s mysteries everything was gradually accumulated in these store houses the engraved the of stone on which were deeply carved the and glass containing on which were written the various discoveries made in swift and other and among these many things were thirty great full of precious stones some of which were of the earth they are there still and some of the great men who died were in these eveiy one in a separate chamber with gold and gems and i think here the princess turned her dark eyes full on dr dean i think that if you knew the secret way of lifting the apparently immovable floor which is like the solid ground and descending through the winding galleries beneath it is more than probable you would find in the great the tomb of her eyes strangely in the evening light with that peculiar fiery glow which had made dr dean once describe them as being like the eyes of a bat and there was something curiously impressive in her gesture as she once more pointed to the towering structure which loomed against the heavens with one star flashing immediately above it a sudden involuntary shudder shook as with icy cold he moved and presently remarked well it is a safe tomb at any rate whoever was he stands little chance of being if he lies two floors below the great in a sealed up rocky princess you look like an inspired so much talk of ancient and times makes me feel and i will with your permission have a smoke with dr dean in the garden to steady my nerves the mere notion of thirty of precious stones hidden down yonder is enough to upset any man s the would interest me more than the jewels said dr dean what do you say woke up suddenly from a fit of abstraction oh i don t know an about it he answered i never was very much interested in those old times they seem to me all i could never link past present and future together as some people can they are to me all separate things the past is done with the present is our own to enjoy or to and the future no man can look into ah you are young and reflection has not been very hard at work in that brain of yours said dr dean with an indulgent smile otherwise you would see that past present and future are one and the past is as much a part of your present identity as the present and the future too lies in you in the mystery of one man s life contains all mysteries and i if we could only understand it from its very beginning we should find out the cause of all things and the ultimate intention of creation well now you have all had enough serious talk said the princess lightly so let us to the drawing room one of my waiting women shall sing to you by she has a very sweet voice is it she who sings that song about the lily asked suddenly the princess smiled strangely yes it is she dr dean chose a cigar from a silver box on the table did the same won t you smoke he asked carelessly no thanks spoke hurriedly and hoarsely i think if the princess will permit me i will stay and talk with her in the drawing room while you two have your smoke together the princess gave a charming bow of assent to this proposition took the doctor somewhat roughly by the arm and led him out through the open french window into the grounds beyond remarking as he went you will excuse us princess we leave you in good company she smiled i will excuse you certainly but do not be long and she passed from the dining room into the small saloon beyond followed closely by once out in the grounds gave vent to a boisterous fit of wild laughter so loud and fierce that little dr dean came to an abrupt and stared at him in something of alarm as well as amazement are you going mad he asked cried that is just it i am going mad mad for love or whatever you please to call it i what do you think i am made of flesh and blood or cast iron heavens do you think if all the elements were to combine in a war against me they should cheat me out of this woman or rob me of her no no a thousand times no satisfy yourself my excellent doctor with your records of the past as you choose of the future but in the immediate burning active present my will is law and the fool thinks to me i who have never been since i knew the meaning of existence he paused in a kind of breathless agitation and dr dean grasped his arm firmly come come what is all this excitement for he said what are you saying about controlled himself with a violent and forced a smile he has got his chance i have given it to him i he is alone with the princess and he is asking her to be his wife t nonsense said the doctor sharply if he does commit such a folly it will be no use the woman is not human i not human echoed his black eyes with a sudden amazement what do you mean i the little doctor rubbed his nose impatiently and seemed sorry he had spoken i mean let me see what do i mean he said at last oh well it is | 33 |
which truly describe this one emotion which rules the world i know what you mean of course you mean evil words words and yet it has nothing whatever to do with these you cannot call such an exalted state of the nerves and sensations by an evil name dr dean pondered the question for a few moments no i am not sure that i can he said if i did i should have to give an evil name to the creator who designed man and woman and ordained the law of attraction which draws and often them together i like to be fair to everybody the creator included yet to be fair to everybody i shall appear to sanction for the fact is that our has upset all the original intentions of nature nature evidently meant love or the emotion we call love to be the of the universe but apparently nature did not intend marriage the flowers the birds the lower animals mate afresh every spring and this is the creed that the of nowadays are anxious to force upon the attention of the world it is only men and women they say that are so foolish as to take each other for better or worse till death do them part now i should like from the physical s point of view to prove that the men and women are wrong and that the lower animals are right but spiritual science comes in and me for in spiritual science i find this truth which will not be namely that from time certain immortal forms of nature have been created solely for one another like two of a circle they are intended to meet and form the perfect round and all the elements of creation spiritual and material will work their hardest to pull them together such natures i consider should absolutely and be joined in marriage it then becomes a divine decree even grant if you like that the natures so joined are evil and that the sympathy between them is of a more or less character it is quite as well that they should unite and that the result of such an union should be seen the evil might come out of them in a family of which the law could with advantage to the world in general whereas on the other hand given two fine and natures with perfect sympathy between them as perfect as the two notes of a perfect the children of such a marriage would probably be as near gods as humanity could bring them i speak as a merely such consequences are not foreseen by the majority and marriages as a rule take place between persons who are by no means made for each other besides a kind of devil comes into the business and often prevents the two sympathetic natures love matters alone are quite sufficient to convince me that there is a devil as well as a divinity that shapes our ends you speak as if you yourself had loved doctor said with a half smile and so i have replied the doctor calmly i have loved to the full as passionately and as even you can love i thank god the woman i loved died i could never have possessed her for she was already wedded and i would not have disgraced her by her from her lawful husband so death stepped in and gave her to me for ever and he raised his eyes to the solemn sky yes nothing can ever come between us now no demon tears her white soul from me she died innocent of evil and she is mine mine in every pulse of her being as we shall both know hereafter i his face which was not remarkable for any beauty of feature grew and almost noble in its expression and looked at him with a faint touch of wonder upon my word your morality almost your i he said i see you are one of those old fashioned men who think marriage a sacred sort of thing and the only self respecting form of love old fashioned i may be replied dr dean but i certainly believe in marriage for the woman s sake if the license of men were not restrained by some sort of barrier it would break all bounds now i had i chosen could have taken the woman i loved to myself it needed but a little skilful persuasion on my part for her husband was a drink and why in the name of heaven did you not do so demanded impatiently because i know the end of all such said the doctor sadly a month or two of happiness then years of remorse to follow the man is lowered in his own secret estimation of himself and the woman is hopelessly ruined and morally no death is far better and in my case death has proved a good friend for it has given me the soul of the woman i loved which is far fairer than her body was but unfortunately said the doctor looked at him keenly and coldly do not be too sure of that my friend i never talk about what you do not understand you only wander astray the spiritual world is a blank to you so do not presume to judge of what you will never till is forced upon you he uttered the last words with slow and singular emphasis forced upon me began what do you mean he broke oflf abruptly for at that moment emerged from the doorway of the hotel and came towards them with an unsteady swaying step like that of a drunken man you had better go in to the princess he said staring at with a wild smile she is waiting for you what s the matter with you inquired dr dean catching him by the arm as he made a | 33 |
responded still smiling speech or silence rest equally with yourself i compel neither that is false he said passionately you do compel your eyes drag my very soul out of me your touch drives me into frenzy you you force me to speak though you know already what i have to say that i love you love you and that you love me that your whole life leaps to mine as mine to yours i you know all this if i were stricken dumb you could read it in my face but you will have it spoken you will from me the whole secret of my madness yes for you to take a cruel joy in knowing that i am mad mad for the love of you and you cannot be too often or too thoroughly assured that your own passion finds its in me he paused abruptly checked in his wild words by the sound of her low sweet chill laughter she withdrew her hands from his burning grasp my dear friend she said lightly you really have a very excellent opinion of yourself excuse me for saying so my own passion do you actually suppose i have a passion for you and rising from her chair she drew up her slim figure to its full height and looked at him with an amused and airy scorn you are totally mistaken no one man living can move me to love i know all men too well their natures are uniformly composed of the same mixture of cruelty lust and selfishness and for ever and for ever through all the ages of the world they use the greater part of their intellectual abilities in new ways to and conceal their vices you call me why the temptation if any there be from yourself and your own desires i do nothing i am made as i am made if my face or my form seems fair in your eyes this is not my fault your glance lights on me as the hawk s lights on prey but think you the prey loves the hawk in response it is the mistake all men make with all women to judge them always as being of the same base material as themselves some women there are who shame their womanhood but the majority as a rule preserve their self respect till by men to lose it sprang up and faced her his eyes flashing do not make any pretence with me he said half angrily never tell me you cannot love i have loved she interrupted him as true women love once and only once it not for one lifetime but many i loved and gave myself and to the man my soul worshipped i was betrayed of course it is the usual story quite old quite commonplace i can tell it to you without so much as a blush of pain since then i have not loved i have hated and i live but for one thing revenge her face as she spoke and a something vague dark and terrible seemed to her like a cloud where she stood anon she smiled sweetly and with a your passion you see my friend rather a singular in me not quite of the nature you imagined he remained for a moment then with an almost savage boldness threw his arm about her have ever your own way he said in quick fierce accents i will accept all your fancies and humour all your i will grant that you do not love me i will even suppose that i am to you but that shall make no to my desire you shall be mine willing or unwilling if every kiss i take from your lips be torn from you with reluctance yet those kisses i will have you shall not escape me you you out of all women in the world i choose as your wife said slowly her dark eyes gleaming with a strange light as she withdrew herself from his embrace he uttered an impatient exclamation my wife i wh t you with your exquisite glowing beauty and charm you would be a wife that tiresome figure head of utterly dull respectability you with your air of wild grace and freedom would submit to be tied down in the bonds of marriage marriage which to my thinking and that of many other men of my character is one of the many curses of this nineteenth century no i you love ideal passionate love the glowing dream of ecstasy in which such a thing as marriage would be impossible the merest vulgar commonplace almost a i understand and the princess regarded him intently her breath coming and going and a strange smile quivering on her lips you would play the part of an over again he smiled and with all the audacity of a bold and determined nature put his arms her and drew her close up to his breast yes he said i would play the part of an over again as he uttered the words an indescribable sensation of horror seized him a mist darkened his sight his blood grew cold and a tremor shook him from head to foot the fair woman s face that was lifted so close to his own seemed and far oflf and for a fleeting moment her very beauty grew into something like as if the strange e of the picture he had painted of her was now becoming actual and apparent namely the face of death looking through the mask of life yet he did not his arms from about her waist on the contrary he clasped her even more closely and kept his eyes fixed upon her with such that it seemed as if he expected her to vanish from | 33 |
it how will you give me my answer to morrow when shall i see you speak low and quickly dr dean is coming in here from the garden when when i will send for you she answered at what hour the moon rises at ten and at ten my messenger shall come for you a messenger i hope one who knows how to be silent as silent as the grave she said looking at him as secret as the great and the hidden tomb of i and smiling she turned to greet dr dean who just then entered the saloon has gone to bed he announced he begged me to excuse him to you princess i think the boy is feverish egypt doesn t agree with him i am sorry he is ill said the princess with a charming air of s h he isn t exactly ill returned the doctor looking sharply at her beautiful face as he spoke he is simply and restless i am a little anxious about him i think he ought to go back to england or scotland i think so too agreed and with him you consider very beautiful murmured the princess her fan and waving it to and fro no not beautiful answered the doctor quickly but very pretty sweet and and good ah then of course some one will break her heart i said the princess calmly that is what always happens to good women and she smiled as she saw flush half with anger half with shame the little doctor rubbed his nose not always princess he said sometimes it does in fact pretty often it is an unfortunate truth that virtue is seldom rewarded in this world virtue in a woman now a days means no lovers and no fun said gaily and the possibility of a highly marriage with a or a bank clerk followed by the pleasing result of a family of little or little bank clerks it is not a dazzling prospect the doctor smiled grimly then after a wavering moment of broke out into a laugh you have an odd way of putting things he said but i m afraid you may be right in your estimate of the position quite as many women are as miserably sacrificed on the altar of virtue as of vice it is a mad world as shakespeare says i hope the next life we pass into after this one will at least be sane well if you believe in yon have testament authority for the fact that there will be neither marriage nor giving in marriage there at any rate laughed and if we wish to follow that text out truly in our present state of existence and become as the angels of god we ought at once to matrimony have done i have done exclaimed the doctor still smiling however notwithstanding his protest you southern are half you have neither religion nor morality said then turning to the princess he bowed low and with a grace over the hand she extended towards him in farewell princess then in a whisper he added to morrow i shall await your summons it will come without fail never fear she answered in equally soft tones i hope it may find you ready x he raised his eyes and gave her one long lingering passionate look then with another good night which included dr dean left the room the doctor lingered a moment studying the face and form of the princess with a curiously inquisitive air while she in her turn confronted him and with a touch of defiance in her aspect well said the presently after a pause now you have got him what are you going to do with him she smiled coldly but answered nothing you need not flash your beautiful eyes at me in that eminently unpleasant fashion pursued the doctor easily you see know and i am not afraid of you i only make a stand against you in one respect you shall not kill the boy he is nothing to me she said with a gesture oi contempt i know he is nothing to you but you are something to him he does not recognise your nature as i do i must get him out of the reach of your spell you need not trouble yourself she interrupted him a sombre melancholy darkening her face i shall be gone to gone altogether inquired the doctor calmly and without surprise not to come back not in this present generation she answered still dr dean evinced no surprise then you will have satisfied yourself he asked she bent her head for the time being yes i shall have satisfied myself there followed a silence during which the little doctor looked at his beautiful companion with all the meditative interest of a engaged in working out some intricate and deeply interesting problem i suppose i may not inquire how you propose to obtain this satisfaction he said you may inquire but you will not be answered she retorted smiling darkly your intentions are pitiless h still smiling she said not a word you are she remained silent and worst of all you do not desire you are one of those who for ever and ever cry evil be thou my good i thus for you christ died in vain i a faint tremor ran through her but she was still mute so you and creatures uke you must have their way in the world until the end concluded the doctor thoughtfully and if all the philosophers that ever lived were to pronounce you what you are they would be and condemned as well princess i am glad i have never at any time crossed your path till now or given you cause of against me we part friends i trust good night farewell i she held out her hand he | 33 |
come off and the little doctor smiled serenely there is your carriage at the door i suppose oflf with you my boy be oflf like the and return here armed to the teeth if you like i you have heard the expression fighting the air that is what you will do to morrow morning and apparently in the best of all possible dr dean accompanied his young friend to the of the hotel and watched him drive off down the stately avenue of which now cast their refreshing shade on the entire route from the to when he had fairly gone the thoughtful surveyed the who were preparing to ascend the under the escort of their guides regardless of the risks they ran of arms and broken shoulder bones and in the study of the various odd types thus presented to him he found himself fairly well amused mere i he murmured the of soul has not yet attained to individual consciousness in anyone of these strange their thoughts are as their reasoning powers in their intellectual faculties barely perceptible yet they are interesting viewed in the same light and considered on the same scale as fish or insects merely as men and women of course they are well well in the space of two or three thousand years the may start into form out of the void and the of a conscious may but it will have to be in some other phase of existence certainly not in this one and now to shut myself up and write my for i must not lose a single detail of this singular egyptian problem the whole thing i perceive is itself towards completion and catastrophe but in what way how will it how can it end and with a meditative frown his brows dr dean folded his hands behind his back and retired to his own room from whence he did not all day in the meanwhile was making himself the life and soul of everything at the house hotel he struck up an easy acquaintance with several of the visitors staying there said pretty things to young women and pleasant things to old and in the course of a few hours succeeded in becoming the most popular personage in the place he accepted invitations to parties and agreed to share in various excursions till he engaged himself for every day in the coming week and was so gay and gallant and fascinating in manner and bearing that fair ladies lost their hearts to him at a glance and what amusement or pleasure there was at the house seemed to be doubly by the mere fact of his presence in truth was in a singular mood of and a strong inward triumph possessed him and filled his soul with an imperious pride and sense of conquest which for the time being made him feel as though he were a very king of men there was nothing in his nature of the noble tenderness which makes the lover mentally his beloved as a queen before whom he is content to submit his whole soul in worship what he was merely this that here was one of the most beautiful and women ever created in the person of the princess and that he meant to possess that loveliest of women whatever happened in the near or distant future of her and of the influence of his passion on her personally he did not stop to think except with the curiously blind which is the of most men and which led him to judge that her happiness would in some way or other be by his brief and love for as a rule men do not understand love they understand desire sometimes to merciless for what they cannot get this is a leading natural characteristic of the masculine nature but love love that silently and faithfully through the stress of trouble and the passing of years love which sacrifices everything to the beloved and never changes or this is a divine passion which seldom or never and the life of a man women are not made of base material their love invariably springs first from the ideal not the and if afterwards it into the it is through the rough and touch of man alone throughout the entire day the princess herself never left her private apartments and towards late afternoon began to feel the hours drag along with and monotony never did the sun seem so slow in sinking never did the night appear so far off when at last dinner was served in the hotel both and dr dean sat next to him at table and judging from outward appearances the most friendly relations existed between all three of them at the close of the meal however made a sign to to follow him and when they had reached a quiet comer said i am aware of your victory you have won where i have lost but you know my intention perfectly responded with a cool smile by heaven went on the younger man in accents of suppressed fury if i yielded to the temptation which me when i see you standing there facing me with your easy and self satisfied when i know that you mean where i meant honour when you have had the to confess to me that you only intend to make the princess your mistress when i would have made her my wife god i could shoot you dead at this moment looked at him steadily still smiling slightly then gradually the smile died away leaving his countenance by an intense melancholy i can quite enter into your feelings my dear boy he and do you know i m not sure that it would not be a good thing if you were to | 33 |
shoot me dead my life is of no particular value to anybody certainly not to myself and i begin to think been always more or less of a failure i have won fame but i have missed something but upon my word i don t quite know what he sighed heavily then suddenly held out his hand the bitterest foes shake hands before fighting each other to the death as we propose to do to morrow it is a civil custom and hurts no one i should like to part kindly from you to night hesitated then something stronger than himself made him yield to the impulsive note of strong emotion in his former friend s voice and the two men s hands met in a momentary silent grasp then turned quickly away to morrow morning at six he said briefly close to the good responded the shall second us both and see fair play good night good night responded coldly as he moved on and disappeared a slight shiver ran through s blood as he watched him depart odd that i should imagine i have seen the last of him he murmured there are strange in the air of the desert i suppose i is he going to his death or am i going to mine again the cold tremor shook him and with his uneasy sensations he went to his own apartment there to await the expected summons of the princess no triumph filled him now no sense of joy elated him a vague fear and dull were all the emotions he was conscious of even his impatient desire of love had cooled and he watched the darkening of night over the desert and the stars shining out one by one in the black of the heavens with a gradually deepening depression a dreamy sense stole over him of or from all visible things as though he were suddenly and mysteriously separated from the rest of human kind by an invisible force which he was powerless to resist he was still lost in this vague half or semi conscious reverie when a light tap startled him back to the of earth and his earthly surroundings in response to his the tall whom he had seen in as the guardian of the princess s household appeared his repulsive features looking if anything more ghastly and hideous than ever madame presence said this attendant of one of the fairest of women without a moment s hesitation or loss of time obeyed and allowing his guide to him at a little distance followed him through the of the hotel out at the hall door and beyond through the garden a clock struck ten as they passed into the warm evening air and the mellow rays of the moon were beginning to the sides of the great a few of the people staying in the hotel were lounging about but these paid no particular heed to or his companion at about two hundred yards from the entrance of the house the stopped and waited till came up with him madame la he said with a sarcastic grin v soil c est u qui il v and before could utter a word of protest or demand the meaning of this strange proceeding his arms were suddenly seized and behind his back his mouth and his eyes continued the irons choked and mad with rage for a few moments struggled furiously as well as he was able with his powerful all sorts of ideas in his brain the princess might with all her beauty and fascination be nothing but the ruler of a band of robbers and who could tell yet reason did not wholly desert him in extremity for even while he tried to fight for his liberty he remembered that there was no good to be gained out of taking him prisoner he had neither money nor nothing which could excite the of even a starving as this thought crossed his brain he ceased his struggles abruptly and stood still panting for breath when suddenly a sound of singing floated towards him oh for the pure cold heart of the lily a star above is its only love and one brief sigh of its scented breath is all it will ever know of death i oh for the heart of the lily he listened and all power of resistance slowly away from him he became perfectly passive almost and yielding to the somewhat rough handling of his guide allowed himself to be urged with silent rapidity onward over the thick sand till he presently became conscious that he was leaving the fresh open air and entering a building of some sort for his feet pressed hard earth and stone instead of sand all at once he was forcibly brought to a and a heavy rolling noise and like distant muttered thunder in his ears followed by dead silence then his arm was closely grasped again and he was led on on and on along what seemed to be an interminable distance for not a glimmer of light could he see under the tight folds of the across his eyes presently the earth shook under him some heavy substance was moved and there was another noise accompanied by the falling of chains de madame la said the de la down down resistance was useless even had he cared to resist for he felt as though twenty pairs of hands instead of one were pushing him violently on all sides down still down he went dumb blind and helpless till at last he was allowed to stop and breathe his arms were released the was taken from his eyes the from his mouth he was free free yes but where darkness him he stretched out his hands in the atmosphere and felt nothing he cried the name | 33 |
one and the same the same dark soul of sin through ages of eternal fire accursed spirit of the man i loved come forth from the present seeming of things come forth and cling to me cling for the whole forces of a million shall not separate us o eternal spirits of the dead and she lifted her ghostly white arms with a wild gesture ye the veil declare to the and the truth of the life beyond death the life ye and i dwell and work for late justice here she sprang forward and caught the arm of with all the fierce eagerness of some bird of prey and as she did so he knew her grasp meant death remember the days of old look back look back from the present to the past and remember the crimes that are still remember the love sought and won remember the broken heart remember the ruined life remember the triumphs of war the glories of conquest remember the lust of tion the treachery the slaughter the against high heaven remember the night of the feast of the feast of the sun remember how awaited her lover singing alone for joy in blind faith and love his favourite song of the lily the moon was high as it is now i the stars glittered above the as they glitter now in the palace there was the sound of music and triumph and laughter and a whisper on the air of the heart and mood of of another face which charmed him though less fair than that of remember remember i and she clung closer and closer as he staggered backward half by his own emotions and the horror of her touch remember the fierce word the quick and blow the plunge of the knife up to the in the passionate white bosom of the lonely anguish in which she died died but to live again and pursue her murderer to track him down to his grave wherein the king gold and devils curses down down to the end of all his glory and conquest into the silence of yon gold clay i and out of silence again into sound and light and fire ever pursuing i have followed followed through a thousand phases of existence and i will follow still through space and endless time till the great maker of this terrible wheel of life himself shall say stop here ends even the law of vengeance oh for ten thousand centuries more in which to work my passion and prove my wrong i all the treasure of love despised all the hope of a life betrayed all the salvation of heaven denied tremble soul of for hate is eternal as love is eternal the veil is down and memory she turned her face now and pallid as a moon up to him her form grew thin and skeleton like while still retaining the transparent outline of its beauty and he at last that no creature of flesh and blood was this that clung to him but some mysterious horror of the supernatural at by the outer world of men the of death stood thick on his forehead there was a straining agony at his heart and his breath came in quick but worse than his physical torture was the overwhelming and convincing truth of the actual existence of the spiritual universe now so suddenly and awfully revealed what he had all his life denied was now declared a certainty where he had been deaf and wind he now heard and saw in very truth he knew he remembered her in very truth he knew he had loved her in very truth he knew he had murdered her but another still stranger truth was forcing itself upon him now and this was that the old love of the old old days was arising within him in all its strength once more and that he loved her still unreal and terrible as it seemed it was nevertheless a fact that as he gazed upon her tortured face her beautiful eyes her phantom form he felt that he would give his own soul to rescue hers and lift her from the of vengeance into love again her words awoke of thought long in the recesses of his spirit which like so many dagger him with a recollections and as a cloak may fall from the figure of a friend in a so his present seeming personality dropped from him and no longer had any substance he recognised himself as always the same soul passing through a changes and all the links of his past and present were suddenly together in one unbroken chain stretching over thousands of years every link of which he was able to count mark and recognise by the dreadful light of that dumb comprehension which flashes on all parting souls at the moment of dissolution he perceived at last that not the body but the spirit is the central secret of life not deeds but thoughts creation death that was a name merely there was no death only a change into some other form of existence what change what form would be his now this thought startled him roused him and once again the low spirit voice of his long ago betrayed and murdered love thrilled in his ears soul of cling to my soul for this present life is swiftly passing no more scorn of the divine can stand whither we are for the terrible and eternal truth us and our closed are the gates of heaven open wide are the of hell enter with me my lover die as i died unprepared and alone die and pass out into new life again such life as | 33 |
mine such torture as mine such despair as mine such hate as mine she ceased abruptly for he convinced now of the certainty of immortality was suddenly moved to a strange access of courage and resolution something sweet and subtle stirred in him a sense of power hint of joy which completely overcame all dread of death old love revived grew stronger in his soul and his gaze rested on the shadowy form beside him no longer with horror but with tenderness she was she had been his love the dearest portion of his life once in the far oflf time she had been the fairest of women and more than fair she had been faithful i yes he remembered that as he remembered her every curve in her beautiful body had been a joy for him alone and for him alone her sweet and fresh as had kept their kisses she had loved him as few women have either heart or strength to love and he had rewarded her fidelity by death and eternal torment a struggling cry escaped him and he stretched out his arms forgive forgive as he uttered the words he saw her wan face suddenly change all the terror and torture passed from it like a passing cloud beautiful as an angel s it smiled upon him the eyes softened and flashed with love the lips trembled the form glowed with a living and a mystic glory glittered above the dusky hair filled with ecstasy at the sight of her wondrous loveliness he felt nothing of the coldness of death at his heart a divine passion him and with the last effort of his failing strength he strove to gather all the spirit like beauty of her being into his embrace love he cried not hate but love come back out of the darkness soul of the woman i wronged forgive me come back to me i hell or heaven what matters it if we are together come to me come love is stronger than hate speech failed him the cold agony of death at his heart and struck him mute but still he saw the beautiful passionate eyes of a love turned upon him like stars in the black chaos whither he now seemed rushing then came a solemn sound as of great wings beating on a air and all the light in the tomb was suddenly extinguished one instant more he stood upright in the thick darkness then a burning knife seemed plunged into his breast and he forward and fell his last hold on life being the consciousness that soft arms were clasping him and drawing him away away he knew not whither and that warm lips sweet and tender were closely pressed on his and presently out of the heavy gloom came a voice which said peace the old gods are best and the law is made perfect a life demands a life love s debt must be paid by love the woman s soul the man s wherefore they are both released from bondage and the memory of sin let them go hence the curse is lifted once more the wavering ghostly light gave to the splendour of the tomb and showed where fallen sideways among the golden treasures and of the past lay the dead body of above him gleamed the great and within touch of his passive hand was the ivory shield and gold sword of the radiance gleamed wandered and flitted over all things now feebly now brilliantly till finally flashing with a pale glare on the dark dead face with the proud closed lips and black level brows it out and one of the many countless mysteries of the great was again hidden in impenetrable darkness vainly waited next morning for his rival to appear he paced up and down impatiently watching the rosy hues of sunrise spreading over the wide desert and lighting up the massive features of the till as hour after hour passed and still did not come he hurried back to the house hotel and meeting dr dean on the way to him poured out his rage and perplexity i never thought was a coward he said hotly nor should you think so now returned the doctor with a grave and pre occupied air whatever his faults cowardice was not one of them you see i speak of him in the past tense i told you your intended would not come oflf and i was right i don t think you will ever see either or the princess again started violently what do you mean the princess is here here in this very house is she and dr dean sighed somewhat impatiently well let us see then turning to a passing waiter he inquired is the princess here still no sir she left quite suddenly late last night going on to i believe sir the doctor looked at you hear but in his turn was the waiter is mr in his room no sir he went out about ten o clock yesterday evening and i don t think he is coming back one of the princess s servants the tall whom you may have noticed sir brought a message from him to say that his luggage was to be sent to paris and that the money for his bill would be found on his dressing table it was all right of course but we thought it rather curious and glancing from one to the other of his with a smile the waiter went on his way they have fled together said then in choked accents of fury by heaven if i had guessed the plan already formed in his treacherous mind i would never have shaken hands with last night oh you did shake hands | 33 |
dr dean well there was no harm in that you were right you and will meet no more in this life believe me he and the princess have undoubtedly as you say fled together but not to he paused a moment then laid his hand kindly on shoulder let us go back to my boy and from thence as soon as possible to england we shall all be better away from this terrible land where the dead have far more power than the living stared at him you talk in he said do you think i shall let escape me i will track him wherever he has gone i i shall find him in paris dr dean took one or two slow turns up and down the corridor where they were conversing then stopping abruptly looked his young friend full and steadily in the eyes come come no more of this folly he said gently why should you entertain these ideas of vengeance against he has really done you no harm he was the natural mate of the woman you imagined you loved the response to her the other half of her being and that she was and is his destiny and he hers should not excite your envy or hatred i say you imagined you loved the princess it was a young man s hot of passion for an almost beauty but no more than that and if you would be frank with yourself you know that passion has already cooled i repeat you will never see or the princess again in this so make the best of it perhaps you have assisted him to escape me said dr dean smiled that s rather a rough speech but never mind he returned your pride is wounded and you are still sore suspect me as you please make me out a new if you like i shall not be offended but you know for i have often told you that i never interfere in love matters they are too too dangerous ought never to with them and i never do come back with me to and when we are once more safely established on the solid and of britain you will forget all about the princess or if you do remember her it will only be as a dream in the night a kind of vague shadow and uncertainty which will never seriously trouble your mind you look incredulous i tell you at your age love is little more than a vision you must wait a few years yet before it becomes a reality and then heaven help you for you will be a troublesome fellow to deal with meanwhile let us get back to and see somewhat soothed by the doctor s and a trifle ashamed of his wrath yielded and the evening saw them both back at the palace hotel where of course the news of the sudden disappearance of arm and with the princess created the utmost excitement shivered and grew pale as death when she heard it lively old lady and and declared it was the most delightful thing she had ever heard of an in the desert was so exquisitely romantic sir wrote a conventional and account of it for his paper and that the of was absolutely beyond any decent s powers of description lady on the contrary said that the scandal was not the fault of it was all that horrid woman who had thrown herself at his head thought the whole thing was queer and young lord said there was something about it he didn t quite understand something deep which his aristocratic quality of intelligence could not and society talked and till paris and london caught the rumour and the name of the famous french artist who had so strangely vanished from the scene of his triumphs with a beautiful woman whom no one had ever heard of before was soon in everybody s mouth no trace of him or of the princess could be discovered his contained no letters or papers nothing but a few clothes his paint box and were sent on to his deserted in paris and also a blank square of canvas on which as dr dean and others knew had once been the curiously horrible portrait of the princess but that appalling first sketch was wiped out and clean gone as though it had never been painted and dr dean called attention to the fact but thought nothing of it as he imagined that himself had it before leaving a few of the curious among the went to see the house the princess had lately occupied where she had received society and managed to shock it as well it was shut up and looked as if it had not been inhabited for years and the said it was strange very strange and confessed themselves utterly but the fact remained that had disappeared and the princess with him however said society they can t possibly hide themselves for long two such remarkable are bound to appear again somewhere i we shall come across them in paris or on the the world is much too small for the holding of a secret and presently with the approach of spring and the gradual break up of the season and his sister sailed from en route for dr dean accompanied them so did the and the went by a different steamer old lady being quite too much for the patience of those sweet but still girls and one night when the great ship was swiftly over a calm sea and lost in sorrowful meditation was gazing out over the ocean with pained and passionate eyes which could see nothing but the and exquisite beauty of the princess now possessed and enjoyed by dr dean touched him on the arm and said have you ever read shakespeare started | 33 |
and forced a smile why yes of course then you know the lines there are more things in heaven and earth than are of in your philosophy the princess was one of those things regarded him in what do you mean oh of course you will think me insane said the doctor people always take refuge in thinking that those who tell them uncomfortable truths are you ve heard me talk of ghosts ghosts that walk and move about us like human beings and they are generally very brilliant and clever of humanity too and that nevertheless are not human assented the princess was a ghost concluded the doctor folding his arms very tightly across his chest and nodding nonsense cried you are mad precisely the remark i thought you would make and dr dean unfolded his arms again and smiled triumphantly therefore my dear boy let us for the future avoid this subject i know what i know i can distinguish from reality and i am not deceived by appearances but the world prefers ignorance to knowledge and even so let it be next time i meet a ghost keep my own counsel he paused a moment then added you remember i told you i was hunting down that warrior of old time nodded a trifle impatiently well resumed the doctor slowly before we left egypt i found him but how i found him and where is my secret society still speaks occasionally of and wonders in its feeble way when he will be tired of the egyptian beauty he ran away with or she of him society never thinks very far or cares very much for anything long but it does certainly expect to see the once famous french artist turn up suddenly either in his old quarters in paris or in one or the other of the fashionable of the that he should be dead has never occurred to anyone except perhaps dr dean but dr dean has grown extremely almost surly and never answers any questions concerning his scientific theory of ghosts a work which when published created a great deal of excitement owing to its and novelty of treatment there was the usual from the in the literary pasture who fondly imagined their deserved to be considered in the light of serious opinion and then after a while the book fell into the hands of only men who are beginning to understand the discretion of silence and to hold their tongues as closely as the egyptian priests of old did aware that the great majority of men are never ripe for knowledge quite lately dr dean attended two one being that of old lady who has married a pretty young fellow of twenty whose dearest consideration in life is the shape of his shirt collar the other that of who has wedded the perfectly well bom well bred and virtuous if somewhat cold blooded daughter of his next door neighbour in the concerning his egyptian experience he never speaks he lives the ordinary life of the looking after his considering the crops preserving the game and clearing fallen timber and if the glowing face of the beautiful ever before his memory it is only in a vague dream from which he quickly himself with a troubled sigh his sister has never married lord proposed to her but was gently rejected whereupon the young nobleman took a journey to the states and married the daughter of a oil merchant instead sir and his pig faced still and grow fat on the proceeds of the daily dial and there is faint hope that one of their girls will wed an a bold adventurer who wants a share in the paper somehow even if he has to marry or in order to get it is the only man of the party once assembled at the palace hotel who still goes to every winter fascinated thither by an dim notion that he may discover traces of the lost and the princess and he frequently the numerous sight who season after season drive from to the and take pleasure in staring at the with all the impertinence common to when contemplating greatness but more than that of the are lost in the depths of the sandy desert and more problems lie in the recesses of the past than even the restless and inquiring spirit of modern times will ever discover and if it should ever chance that in days to come the secret of the floor of the great should be found and the lost treasures of egypt brought to light there will probably be much discussion and marvel concerning the golden tomb of for the on the speak of him thus and say was a man of might far exceeding in strength and beauty the common sons of men great in war invincible in love he did in deeds of courage and of conquest and for whatsoever sins he did in the secret weakness of humanity commit the must judge him but in all that may a warrior the king doth give him honour and to the spirits of darkness and of light his soul is here commended to its rest thus much of the fierce dead hero of old time but of the corpse that lies on the golden floor of the same tomb its skeleton hand touching almost grasping the sword of what shall be said nothing since the old and the new the past and the present are but as one moment in the of eternity and even with a late repentance love all of s vo dig u doth of m to l back brown eyes dark days fort m p the red l the tinted s home and arrows out of the mists il shrine s gift the mark of dear ufe l | 33 |
r the school they attended was a government one and prayers were neither taught nor encouraged there france having for a time put god out of her national institutions nevertheless the glory of that banished creator shone in the deepening glow of the splendid heavens aud from i the master christian the silver of the which turning in the light and the time city as with knots of rosy ribbon up to the tops of the tall trees the river t the warm radiance with a thousand hues of soft and colour all m things into the misty semblance of some divine of dreams the last the last bell died away upon the air the last words by devout priests in their seclusion said n amen the m women went on their slow way homeward the oflf in different easily forget the old world petition they had thought of yet uttered the and his slipped away together down the of the river o sight silence following the of the cl was deep and impressive and the great sun had a heaven to himself as he went down through the rose window of the cathedral of dam flashed his parting rays weaving bright patterns of gold and on the worn pavement of the ar pile which the tomb of richard the hearted as also that of henry the second de and lover of the brilliant and one broad beam fell the curved and fretted choir chapel especially to the virgin there lighting up with a warm famous tomb known as le or dying one a strange and piece of truly is this same showing as it with and almost appalling the last of a strong man s body in the d agony no delicate of and was the artist of days whose sh these stretched starting veins and swollen half closed over the tired eyes he must have a of truth truth downright and truth of all graceful and a dying one thus ugly i too unpleasant to the sight of the worldly and loving tribe who do not care to be reminded of the mon fact that they all and we all must die the master christian late sunshine flowed very softly on and over the ghastly white semi transparent form it with as much tender glory as the gracious figure of mary virgin herself bending with outstretched hands from a grey i i fine as a of old lace on which a few dim jewels are very beautiful calm and at this hour was our lady s chapel with its high dark inter i twisting arches statues and ancient tattered battle hanging from the black roof and swaying gently with every little breath of wind the air per with incense seemed with the memory of prayers and and r in the midst of it all surrounded by the de faced and crumbling of life and death and the equally of immortality with the of the sinking sun shedding about him walked one for whom eternal truths all cardinal known and sometimes alluded to at the as our good saint tall and severely thin with fine worn features of and spiritual delicacy he had the removed air of a scholar and whose life was not and never could be in accordance with the latter day customs of the world the mild blue eyes clear and steadfast most suggested the peace of god that all understanding and the sensitive intellectual lines of the mouth and chin which indicated strength and will at the same time declared that both strength and will were constantly employed in the doing of good and the of evil no dark of hesitation i cowardice cunning meanness or weakness the l i expressive dignity and of the cardinal s i the very of his straight spare figure and i the manner in which he moved silently asserted that in i ward grace of spirit without which there is no true grace of body and as he paused in his slow pacing to and fro to gaze half half the almost ghastly artistic achievement of le he sighed and his lips moved as if in prayer for the brief pitiful history of human life is told in that antique and richly wrought its beginning its ambition and its end at f i et f ly oi es tie y nt the master christian the summit of the shrine an exquisite relief shows first of all the infant clinging to its mother s breast a stage lower down is seen the boy in the eager flush of youth an arrow to its mark from the bent bow then on a still larger bolder scale of design is depicted the proud man in the of his career a noble knight riding forth to battle and to victory armed cap his war richly his lance in rest f and finally on the itself is stretched his and helpless form with hands clenched in the last gasping struggle for breath and every muscle strained and fighting against the pangs of dissolution but said the cardinal half aloud with the gentle dawning of a tender smile brightening the fine firm curve of his lips it is not the end the end here no doubt but the beginning there he raised his eyes devoutly and instinctively touched the silver hanging by its purple ribbon at his breast the orange red glow of the sun him with fiery rings as though it would fain his thin black form after the fashion in which flames consumed the of old the worn figures of saints in their half broken stared down upon him as though they would have said so we thought even we i and for our thoughts and for our creed | 33 |
never kept any of the choice for his own gratification but gave the best of them with a trust as simple as it was beautiful to the altar of the virgin sending all the rest to the of the sick and sorrowful or to the of the dead it never once occurred to him that the cardinal s roses as they were called were looked upon by the poor people who received them as miraculous flowers long after they had withered that special virtues were assigned to them and that dying lips kissed their fragrant with almost as much devotion as the holy because it was instinctively believed that they contained a blessing he knew nothing of all this he was too painfully conscious of his own and of late years feeling himself growing old and that every day brought him nearer to that verge which all must cross in passing from time into eternity he had been sorely troubled in mind he was wise with the wisdom which comes of deep reading lonely meditation and fervent study he had himself in the modem schools of thought as well as the ancient and though his own soul was set upon the faith he followed he was aware of a strange and growing confusion in the world a combination of the elements of evil which threatened or seemed to threaten some terrible and imminent disaster this sorrowful had for a long time upon him physically as well as mentally always thin lie had grown thinner and more till at the beginning of the year his health had threatened to break down altogether whereupon those who loved him growing alarmed summoned a physician who with that sage experience of doctors to whom thought trouble is an inexplicable and at once pronounced change of air to be absolutely necessary cardinal must he said and seek test and the master christian distraction in the contemplation of new and varying scenes with smiling and resigned patience the cardinal obeyed not so much the command of his medical attendant as the anxious desire of his people and thereupon departed from his own cathedral town on a tour of several months during which time he inwardly resolved to try and for himself the truth of how the world was going whether on the downward road to destruction and death or up the high of progress and life he went alone and he had arranged to meet his niece in paris and accompany her to her father s house in rome and he was on his way to paris now but he had purposely made a long and round about journey through france with the intention of studying the religious condition of the people and by the time he reached the old sickness at his heart had rather increased than diminished the confusion and the trouble of the world were not mere they in very truth existed and what seemed to the cardinal to be the chief cause of the general bewilderment of things was the growing lack of faith in god and a hereafter how came this lack of faith into the christian world sorrowfully he considered the question and persistently the same answer always asserted itself that the blame rested principally with the church itself and its teachers and and not only in one but in all forms of creed we have in some vital manner mused the cardinal with a feeling of strange personal as though he were more to blame than any of his we have failed to follow the master s teaching in its true perfection we have planted in ourselves a seed of corruption and we have permitted nay some of us have encouraged its poisonous growth till it now to the whole field of labour and he thought of the words of st john the divine to the church of i know thy works that thou hast a name that thou and art dead be watchful and strengthen the things that remain that are ready to die for i have not found thy works perfect before god remember therefore how thou hast received and heard and hold fast and repent f therefore thou shalt not i on the master christian as a thief arid thou not know what hour i wiu come upon thee thou hast a few names even in which have not their garments and they shall walk with me in white for they are worthy he that the same shall he clothed in white and i will not blot his name out of the book of life but i will confess his name before my father and before his angels and grew the long shadows now gathering in the cathedral two of the twinkling candles near the virgin s statue suddenly sank in their with a noise and out the solemn music of the organ continued growing softer and softer as it sounded till it crept through the of the building like a light breeze from the sea bringing with it suggestions of far flower islands in the golden shores kissed by languid foam and sweet birds singing and still the cardinal sat thinking of and cares and inexplicable human which were not his own but which seemed to burden the greater portion of the world he drew no he never considered that as absolutely as day is day and night is night his own beautiful and placid life lived in the faith of god and christ was tortured by no such storm tossed as that which affected the lives of many others and that the old saying almost despised because so commonplace namely that goodness makes happiness is as true as that the sun shines in heaven and that it is only evil which misery to think of himself in the matter never | 33 |
occurred to him had he for a moment entertained the merest glimmering of an idea that he was better and therefore happier than most men he would in his own opinion have been guilty of and presumption what he saw and what sincerely and grieved him was that the people of this present age were unhappy discontented restless that something of the simple joy of existence had gone out of the world that even the brilliant discoveries of science and the so called progress of men only served apparently to increase their discontent that when they were overcome by sorrow sickness or death they had little philosophy and less faith to support lo the master christian them and that except in the few cases where was still believed in they gave way altogether and broke down like frightened children in a storm thou hast a few names even in a few names but how few universal weariness of life seemed a disease of the time there was nothing that seemed to even the and most miraculous results of scientific and knowledge ceased to be interesting after the first week of their triumphant public demonstration and acceptance the world must be growing old said the cardinal sadly it must be losing its vigour it is too tired to lift itself to the light too weary and worn out to pray perhaps the end of all present things is at hand perhaps it is the beginning of the promised new heavens and new earth just then the organ music ceased abruptly and the cardinal waking from his thoughts as from a trance rose up slowly and stood for a moment facing the great high altar which at that distance could only just be discerned among its darkening surroundings by the little flickering flame of the suspended lamp burning dimly before the holy wherein was locked with golden key behind snowy doors of marble the sacred and host when the son of man h think ye he shall and faith on earth again that searching question repeated itself in his mind so distinctly as to be echoed in his ears the deep silence around him seemed waiting for some reply and moved by a strange spirit of exaltation within him he answered half aloud yes surely he will find faith if only in the few there are a few names even in i in the sorrowful and meek in the poor and patient and of humanity he will find faith in the very people he died to save he will discover that most precious and inspiring of all virtues but in the wise and brilliant of the world he will not find it in the teachers of the people he will search for it in vain by the writers of many books he shall find himself scorned and rejected in the cheap and philosophy of modern he will see his doctrines i the master christian ii at and as futile few men there are in these days who would deny themselves for his sake or sacrifice a personal passion for the purer of his name inasmuch as the pride of great learning so the more the wonder of god s work is displayed to us the more are we dazzled and confounded and so in our blindness we turn from the worship of the creator to that of his creation forgetting that all the visible universe is but the or expression of the hidden divine intelligence behind it what of the of the age the results of science the strange and knowledge of things more miraculous yet to be these are but hints and of the approach of god himself coming in a cloud with power and great glory i as he thus spoke he raised his hand out of old habit acquired in preaching and a ray from the after glow of the sunken sun lit up the jewel in the ring he wore warming its pale green lustre to a dim violet spark as of living fire his fine features were for a moment warm with and feeling then suddenly he thought of the great world outside all of the millions and millions of human beings who neither know nor accept christ of the oriental races with their intricate and beautiful systems of philosophy of savage tribes conquered and of fierce yet brave warriors who are with all their faults at any rate true to the faith they profess and lastly more than all of the thousands upon thousands of christians in christian lands who no more believe in him whose holy name they take in vain than in any of were these to perish utterly had they no immortal souls to save had the churches been at work for eighteen hundred years and more to bring about no better results than this namely that there were only a few names in f if so were not the churches to blame yea even holy mother church whose foundation rested on the memory of the lying rapidly and as if suggested by some devil these thoughts possessed the cardinal s brain burning into it and and the tender of his conscience and his soul could god the great loving creator of countless be so cruel the master christian as to destroy millions of helpless creatures in one small planet because through ignorance or want of teaching they had failed to find christ was it possible that he could only extend his mercy and forgiveness to the few names in yet our world is but a pin s point in the eternal argued the cardinal almost wistfully only a few can expect to be saved r nevertheless this reasoning did not satisfy him again what of these millions were they | 33 |
to be forever lost then why so much waste of life waste of life there is no such thing as waste of life this much modem science the venerable knew nothing can be wasted not a breath not a scene not a sound all is up in nature s store house and can be at nature s will then what was to e of the of human beings and immortal souls whom the church had failed to rescue the church had failed why had it failed whose the fault whose the weakness for fault and weakness were somewhere when the son of man think ye he shall find faith on earth f no i whispered the cardinal suddenly forced as it were in his own despite to contradict his former assertion no he paused and mechanically making his way towards the door of the cathedral he dipped his fingers into the holy water that dimly in its marble basin near the black oak and made the sign of the cross on brow and breast he will not find faith where faith should be pre eminent it must be openly confessed admitted he will not find faith even in the church he founded i say it to our shame i his head drooped as though his own words had wounded him and with an air of deep he slowly passed out the huge iron bound door swung noiselessly to and fro behind him the grave toned bell in the tower struck seven outside a tender twilight owed the atmosphere and gave brightness to approaching evening inside the long shadows gathering heavily in the and richly hollows of the side night before its time the last candle at the j s shrine down and disappeared like a the master christian r in dense blackness the last echo of the bell died in a tremulous up among the high springing and away into the solemn comers where the nameless dead the last impression of life and feeling vanished with the retreating figure of the cardinal and the great cathedral the and house of god took upon itself the semblance of a funeral vault sl dark void wherein but one red star the lamp before the altar burned ii lovely to a poet or an artist s eye is the built and picturesque square of in which the cathedral stands lovely and suggestive of historical romance in all its remote corners its oddly shaped houses its and crooked little flights of steps leading to nowhere its and roofs and its utter absence of all proportion a shrine here a broken statue there a half coat of arms over an old a rusty fitted fast into the wall to support a lantern no longer needed in these days of gas and an ancient fountain overgrown with weed or a projecting vessel of stone for holy water in which small birds and themselves after a shower of rain those are but a few of the curious fragments of a past time which make the old place interesting to the student and more than fascinating to the and the wonderful hotel from the time of francis the first and bearing on its walls the story of the field of the cloth of gold in company with the strangely from s triumphs is enough in itself to keep the mind engrossed with fanciful for an hour how did and the field of the cloth of gold come together in the brain of the who long ago worked at these ancient one wonders but the wonder is in vain there is no explanation and the remains a pleasing and fantastic mystery close by through the quaint old streets of the and gross walked no doubt in their young days the brothers before they from their meditative souls the sombre and heavy genius of french tragedy and not very far away up one of those little shadowy winding streets and out at the corner stands the restored house of de so and alive in its very look that one almost expects to see at the quaint windows the beautiful wicked the master christian face of the woman who swayed the of a king by her smile or her frown cardinal walking past the stately pile of the de justice thought of some of these things but they affected him less than they might have done had his mind not been full of the grand music he had just heard in the cathedral and of the darkness that had slowly gathered there as though in solemn with the darkness which had at the same time settled over his soul a great oppression weighed upon him almost he judged himself guilty of mortal sin for had he not said aloud and boldly while facing the high altar of the lord that even in the church itself faith was lacking yes he a cardinal had said this thing he had as it were proclaimed it on the silence of the sacred and had he not in this acted of his calling had he not almost uttered grieved and puzzled the good went on his way almost towards the humble inn where he had elected to remain for the brief period of his visit to an inn where no one stayed save the very poorest of travellers this fact being its chief recommendation in the eyes of the cardinal for it must be that viewed by our latter day ideas of personal comfort and convenience the worthy had some very old world and fantastic notions one of these notions was a devout feeling that he should so far as it was possible endeavour to obey the master whose doctrine he professed to follow this it will be admitted was a curious idea considering the bold and of modern | 33 |
christian customs it was surely quite a idea yet he had his own church warrant for such a rule of conduct and chief among the counsels writ down for his example was voluntary poverty yes voluntary poverty notwithstanding the countless treasures lying idle and wasted in the and the fat enjoyed by and which things exist in direct contradiction and to the command of christ himself lived on the earth in poverty he visited only the poorest and simplest and never did he set his sacred foot within a palace save the of the high priest where he the master christian to die much meaning did cardinal discover in this incident and often would he muse upon it gravely the divine is condemned to die in all palaces he would say it is only in the glorious world of nature under the or expanse of heaven that the g od in us can live and it was not without some subtle cause of intended instruction to mankind that the always taught his followers in the open air there was what might be called a palace hard by to which had been invited and where he would have been welcome to stay as long as he chose the house of the of a veritable abode of luxury as compared with the hotel which was a dingy little tumble down building very old and wearing a conscious air of and which was almost its small windows set well back in deeply carved arches had a lack lustre gleam as of very aged eyes under brows its narrow door without either or bars hung half upon creaking rusty hinges and was never quite shut either by day or night yet from the porch a trailing mass of creeping fell in a gold dotted fringe over the head of any way worn traveller passing in making a brightness in a darkness and suggesting something not altogether in the welcome provided they were very humble folk who kept the hotel the host was a small market gardener who owned a plot of land outside which he chiefly devoted to the easy growing of potatoes and his wife had her hands full with the domestic business of the hotel and the cares of her two children and the most of mischief that ever lived in or out of it madame large of body in movement but clean as a new pin and with a fat smile of perpetual contentment on her round professed to be utterly worn to death by the of these children of hers but nevertheless she managed to grow every day with a and fortitude which the reserved forces of her nature and her cooking always excellent never went wrong because had managed to put her doll in one of the or had to swim a paper boat in the the master christian soup things went on somehow himself was perfectly satisfied with his small and position in life madame felt that le bon was specially engaged in looking after her and as long as the wicked and the threw themselves wildly into her arms and clung round her fat neck imploring pardon after any and every and sat for a while en in separate comers reading the hours of mary they might be as naughty as they chose over and over again so far as the good natured mother was concerned just now however unusual calm appeared to have settled on the household an atmosphere of general and peace prevailed which had the effect of almost a stately air to the tumble down house and a suggestion of luxury to the poorly furnished rooms madame herself was conscious of a mysterious dignity in her surroundings and moved about on her various household duties with less and fuss than was her ordinary custom and and sat quiet without being told to do so moved apparently by a sudden and inexplicable desire to study their lessons all this had been brought about by the advent of cardinal who with his kind face gentle voice and beneficent manner had sought and found lodging at the hotel notwithstanding madame s apologies for the and inconvenience of her best rooms for look you she murmured how should we have ever expected such an honour as the visit of a holy cardinal to our poor little place there are many new houses on the which could have every comfort and that he should condescend to bestow the blessing of his presence upon us ah it was a special of our lady which was too amazing and wonderful to be at once comprehended i thus madame with breathless pauses between her sentences and many profound but the good cardinal aside her excuses and and calling her my daughter signed the cross on her brow with paternal gentleness assuring her that he would give her as little trouble as any other casual visitor trouble ah heaven could anything be t i the master christian for and madame moved to tears by the quiet contentment with which the cardinal took possession of the two bare common rooms which were the best she could place at his disposal hurried away and and like two little balls before her into the kitchen she told them with much emphasis that there was a saint in the house a saint fit to be the holy companion of any of those who had their up in the cathedral near the great rose window and that if they were good children they would very likely see an angel coming down from heaven to visit him put her finger in her mouth and looked incredulous she had a vague belief in angels but with the cheap of the modem french lad was anything but sure about them mother said he there | 33 |
of the dreamy and historical streets of lay on its side neglected and silent and as before said peace reigned in the household even the entrance of papa himself fresh from his beds and smelling of the earth created no particular diversion he was a very little very cheery round man was papa he had no ideas at all in his bullet head save that he judged everything to be very well managed in the universe and that he considered simply as was lucky in his life and labours also that it was an easy thing to grow provided god s blessing was on the soil for the rest he took small care he knew that the world in different ways in different he read his journal daily and professed to be interested in the political situation just for the fun of the thing but in reality he thought the french a pack of fools and wondered what they meant by always talking so much about nothing he believed in la to a certain extent but he would have very much objected if la had interfered with his roughly speaking he understood that france was a nation and that he was a frenchman and that if any enemies should presume to come into the country it would be necessary to take up a and fight them out again and defend wife children and beds till the last breath was out of his body further than this simple and primitive idea of patriotism he did not go he never himself about shades of opinion or quarrels among opposing parties when he had to send his children to the government school the first thing he asked was whether they would be taught their religion there he was told no that the government objected to religious teaching as it merely created discussion and was of no assistance whatever in the material business of life scratched his head over this for a considerable time and deeply finally he smiled a dull fat smile good i said he i understand now why the government makes such an ass of itself now and then i you cannot expect mere men to do their duty wisely without god on their but w i the master christian children their prayers and and i dare say heaven will arrange the rest and he forthwith dismissed the matter from his mind his children attended the government school daily and every wednesday saturday and sunday a kindly simple hearted old priest took them with several other little creatures educated by the state and taught them all he knew about the creator of the universe and of his ceaseless love to sinful and mankind so things went on and though and were being crammed by the national system of instruction with learning which was destined to be of very slight use to them in their after and which made them little before their time they were still sustained within s by the saving sense of something better than themselves that something better which silently declares itself in the beauty of the skies the of the flowers and the loveliness of all things wherein man has no part and neither of them was yet transformed into that most product of modern days the child for whom there is no greater god than self on this particular night when papa returned to the bosom of his family he though a dull man generally did not fail to note the dove like spirit of calm that reigned over his entire household his wife s fat face was agreeably placid the children were in an orderly mood and as he sat down to the neatly spread supper table he felt more convinced than ever that things were exceedingly well managed for him in this best of all possible worlds pausing in the act of conveying a large of steaming soup to his he and the cardinal has he also been served madame opened her round eyes wide at him but certainly dost thou think my little thou get thy food before that would be strange indeed papa swallowed his of soup in abashed it was a beautiful day in the fields he presently the master christian observed there was a good smell in the earth as if were growing and late in the autumn though it is there was a yet singing it was a very blue heaven too as blue as the robe of the virgin with clouds as white as little angels clinging to it madame nodded some people might have thought papa inclined to be poetical she did not and listened the robe of our lady is always blue said and the angels clothes are always white added madame said nothing but passed a second helping of soup round papa smiled on his offspring just so he blue and white are the colours of the sky my little ones and our lady and the angels live in the sky i wonder where muttered with his mouth half full the sky is nothing but miles and miles of air and in the air there are millions and millions of turning round and round larger than our world ever so much larger and knows which is the largest of them all it is as thou my son said confidently nobody knows which is the largest of them all but whichever it may be that largest of them all belongs to our lady and the angels looked at but was busily and did not return his glances papa quite satisfied with his own reasoning continued his supper in an amiable state of mind what thou serve to my little one he asked his wife with a and caressing air as though she were some delicate and dainty of the instead of being | 33 |
the lady of massive proportions which she undoubtedly was something of delicacy and fine doubtless madame shook her head he would have nothing of that kind she replied soup and afterwards nothing but bread dried and apples to finish ah heaven what a supper for a cardinal it is enough to make one weep i the master christian considered the matter solemnly he is perhaps very poor he half poor he may be responded madame but if he is it is surely his own fault whoever heard of a poor cardinal such men can all be rich if they choose can they asked with sudden eagerness how but his question was not answered for just at that moment a loud knock came at the door of the inn and a tall built personage in close attire appeared in the narrow little passage of entry attended by another smaller and very much more insignificant looking individual hastily scrambled out of his chair the he whispered to his he himself our own madame jumped up and seizing her children held one in each hand as she up and down said the new comer lightly the cross in air with a smile do not disturb yourselves my children you have with you in this house the eminent cardinal ah yes replied madame only just now he has finished his little supper shall i show to his room if you please returned the still smiling and permit my secretary to wait with you here till i return with this and an wave of his hand in the direction of the and sallow faced personage who had accompanied him he graciously permitted madame to humbly him by a few steps and then followed her with a soft even tread and a sound as of rustling silk in his garments from which a faint of some delicate perfume seemed as he moved left to entertain the s secretary was for a minute or two somewhat embarrassed and stared at the stranger with curiosity and were apparently not impressed by his appearance he has white whispered the master christian and yellow teeth responded meanwhile having scratched his sufficiently over the matter offered his visitor a chair sit down sir he said the secretary smiled and took the proffered accommodation again meditated he was not skilled in the art of polite conversation and he found himself singularly at a loss it would be an objection no doubt and an perhaps to smoke a pipe before you finished the secretary with another pallid smile a poor at your service and i beg of you to smoke at your distinguished convenience there was a faint tone of satire in his voice which struck papa as exceedingly disagreeable though he could not quite imagine why he found it so he slowly reached for his pipe from the projecting shelf above the chimney and as slowly proceeded to fill it with tobacco from a tin close by i do not think i have ever seen you in the town he said nor at mass in the cathedral either no responded easily in a half i do not much frequent the streets and i only attend the first early mass on sundays my work for my whole time ah and having stuffed his pipe sufficiently lit it and proceeded to smoke there must be much to do many poor and sick who need money and clothes and help in every way and to try and do good and give comfort to all the unhappy souls in is a hard task even for an linked his thin hands together with an action of pious and assented there is a broken hearted creature near us pursued leisurely we call her la i have often thought i would ask to speak to for her that she might be released from the devils that are tearing her she was a good girl till a year or two a o then some villain got the rum oi t the master christian and she lost her wits over it ah tis a sad sight to see her now poor i ha cried suddenly pointing a finger at why did you jump did something hurt you had indeed jumped as put it that is he had sprung up from his chair suddenly and as suddenly sat down again with an air of impatience and discomfort he rapidly overcame whatever emotion moved him however and stretched his thin mouth in a would be amiable g in at the observant you are a sharp boy he observed and tall for your age no doubt how old are you eleven replied but that has nothing to do with your jumping true and the secretary in his chair pretending to be much amused but my jumping had nothing to do with you either my small friend i had a thought a sudden thought of a duty forgotten oh it was a thought was it and looked incredulous do thoughts always make you jump i murmured gently between two of his pipe excuse him he is but a child a delightful child he and the little girl his sister is also charming ah what fine dark eyes what hair will she not come and speak to me he held out a hand towards but she merely made a at him and retired backwards smiled she does not like strangers he explained good very good that is right little girls should always run away from strangers especially strangers of my sex observed with a laugh and do these dear children go to school took his pipe out of his mouth altogether and stared solemnly at the ceiling without doubt they are compelled to go to school he answered slowly but if i could | 33 |
have had my way they should never have gone they learn mischief there in plenty but no good that i can see they know i the master christian about geography and the stars and and what they call physical but whether they have got it into their heads that the good god wants them to live straight clean honest wholesome lives is more than i am certain of however i trust will do what he can echoed with a wide smile you have a high opinion of ah yes a good man but ignorant alas very ignorant papa brought his eyes down from the ceiling and fixed them on ignorant he began when at this juncture madame entered and taking possession of and informed that the would be for some time engaged in conversation with cardinal and that he need not wait would return to his house alone whereupon the secretary rose evidently glad to be set at liberty and took his leave of the family on the threshold however he paused looking back somewhat at himself i should not if i were you trouble concerning the case you told me of that of of he observed he has a horror of evil women with that he departed walking across the square towards the s house in a stealthy sort of fashion as though he were a meditating some particularly daring robbery he is a rat a rat exclaimed suddenly a sort of war dance round the kitchen wants a cat to catch him rats are nice declared for she remembered having once had a tame white rat which sat on her knee and took food from her hand is a man and men are not nice burst into a loud laugh men are not nice he echoed what dost thou know about it thou little droll one what i see responded severely with an elderly air as of a person who has suffered by bitter experience and by her parents continued laughter she went on the master christian men are ugly they are dirty they say come here my little girl and i will give you something then when i go to them they try and kiss me and i will not kiss them because their mouths smell bad they stroke my hair and pull it all the wrong way and it hurts and when i don t like my hair pulled the wrong way they tell me i will be a great a is to be like de shall i be like de the saints forbid cried madame and talk no more nonsense child it s bed time come say good night to thy father give them thy blessing and let me get them into their beds before the leaves the house or they will be asking him as many questions as there are in the thus papa kissed his children affectionately the cross on their brows as they came up to him in turn after the fashion of his own father who had continued this custom up to his day what they thought of the in itself might be somewhat difficult to define but it can be safely asserted that a passion of tears on the part of and a fit of howling from would have been the inevitable result if papa had refused to bestow it on them whether there were virtue in it or not their father s mute blessing sent them to bed and in good humour with each other and they trotted off very beside their mother their footsteps and lowering their voices as they passed the door of the room occupied by cardinal the is not an angel is he asked her mother smiled not exactly my little one why such a foolish question you said that cardinal was a saint and that perhaps we should see an angel come down from heaven to visit him replied well you could not have the came from heaven scornfully he came from his own house over the way with his own secretary behind him do angels keep laughed aloud the idea was grotesque the i the master christian two children were just then ascending the wooden stairs to their bedroom the mother carrying a lighted candle behind them and at that moment the rich voice of the raised to a high and somewhat indignant tone reached them with these words i consider that you altogether mistake your calling and position then the voice died away into they are quarrelling i the is angry said with a grin perhaps do not like saints suggested i cardinal is an himself little silly said madame therefore those g eat and distinguished are like brothers that is why they are quarrelling declared a boy told me in school that and were the first pair of brothers and they quarrelled and all brothers have quarrelled ever since it s in the blood so that boy says and it is his excuse always for fighting his little brother his little brother is six and he is twelve and of course he always his little brother down he cannot help it he says and he gets books on and and he in them that whatever is in the blood has got to come out somehow he says that it s because killed that there are wars between nations if and had never quarrelled there would never have been any fighting in the world and now that it s in the blood of every body but further discourse on the part of was put an end to by his mother s ordering him to kneel down and say his prayers and afterwards him into bed where being sleepy he speedily forgot all that he had been trying to talk about | 33 |
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