Dataset Viewer
Auto-converted to Parquet
qid
stringlengths
2
7
score
stringlengths
1
5
quote
stringlengths
14
6.99k
#85514
13443
<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
#826340
1242
<apples> the program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You can install it by typing: apt-get install apt <fuchoo> lol
#59195
417
<nersh> someone said the sexiest part of a woman is her mind... lol <nersh> i can understand lying about that in front of girls <nersh> but why do it on the internet
#59248
474
*** Laney has joined #everything <Laney> hi. <turboke> lo. <ninjapenguin> in the middle
#59225
28
* marc_ ([email protected]) has joined #nullrewted * marc_ ([email protected]) Quit (Killed (marc_ (ghost))) * marc_ ([email protected]) has joined #nullrewted <marc_> damnit wrong one * marc ([email protected]) Quit (Killed (marc_ (ghost)))
#59086
44
RetardedCrow: I'm listening to a song called "Back of the bus." RetardedCrow: Sung by black rappers. Esotcalag: Oh god.... RetardedCrow: And they yell at us when we call them niggers, wtf? RetardedCrow: Oh, I'm sorry, 'Niggas.' RetardedCrow: Fucking crackas. Esotcalag: I find it ironic that despite the issue that was during the sixties, most black kids always seems to flock to the back of the bus. RetardedCrow: They still do... RetardedCrow: I guess habbits are hard to break.
#59091
201
<Mansion_Maniac> 3 types of people on the internet = convinced they're ugly, convinced they're life has no meaning, and convinced they could kick your ass despite they don't know jack about you
#59132
330
<KeeperX> i have my time machine built into a '67 el camino <TrueBlue> The front is like a car! <TrueBlue> The back is like a truck! <TrueBlue> The front is where we sit! <TrueBlue> The back is where we... EL CAMINO!
#59175
170
<MudBlud> when i do cp mIRC /home/mudblud/mirc why does it say ommitting: mIRC <Cheez> because using mirc on *nix is a sin
#59084
153
<onelove--> i was going to use the holidays to get some booty from my exgirlfriend <onelove--> but she's on this big christian kick <onelove--> complete with no sex before marriage <onelove--> so i guess there's no reason in talking to her anymore
#59145
195
<+m1g> anyone know where i can find the win9X DDK ? <@tenfour> yeah <@tenfour> 1998
#59104
-59
<Squanky> I hope they gave me the right CPU because I paid $350 for it
#824107
766
<Gamer> Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down.
#59161
24
<Monte`SS`> what? <Monte`SS`> i'm curious <pagan> so are homosexuals <pagan> :( <Monte`SS`> haha
#59170
515
<Goo> ok when i think to myself "the nazis are coming, protect the churches" in a 17th century english accent, it's time to go to bed
#59120
297
<sgamer> man <sgamer> i know how pepsi can beat coke <NookieMonster> Hey Gamer! <sgamer> they need to get britney dumbass again <NookieMonster> by tasting better? <sgamer> and they need a commercial <sgamer> during the super bowl <sgamer> at the hottest part of the super bowl <NookieMonster> Britney with no panties... <sgamer> and she does this: <sgamer> takes a drink <sgamer> *ahhh* <sgamer> then says "oh yeah, i swallow" <sgamer> then keeps drinking <sgamer> fade to pepsi logo, fin <NookieMonster> Thats great!! <sgamer> i am an advertising genius
#59078
145
<Riz> if Ron Jeremy dies I'm gonna put in a request for a "organ" donation
#59062
1351
<X5> do what horny college idiot men do every night, hump park benches! <smackfoo> last time i humped a park bench i was late into my teens <smackfoo> it was a quiet, peaceful night in hyde park <smackfoo> the bums had all been incinerated in an unfortunate event with the department of water and power <smackfoo> i stepped up to a cute little wood number, couldn't have been older than 17 <smackfoo> i rubbed her thighs...er...handles, and she cooed in the moonlight <smackfoo> fearing splinters, i gently waxed her humps, making sure to remove any hint of sharpness <smackfoo> slowly, gently, i removed my pants... <smackfoo> um <smackfoo> you guys know the rest <Cithorn> Keep going <Cithorn> I'm not done yet
#59057
351
<markogogo> I once had a dream that there was a huge join flood here. And I kept screwing up when trying to set the mode +i. :/ <Kel> geek nightmares
#59027
-128
<biXen> LMAO, I got kicked from DC because of animal porn? WTF? <biXen> I dont have any animal porn! <biXen> well I guess for some people movies that has black guys in them, they can go as animals
#58995
77
<Rackshack-GregM> got my first DVD-A on Tuesday <RS-Andrew> dvd-a? double vaginal double anal? <Rackshack-GregM> hah <Rackshack-GregM> DVD Audio
#59054
1034
<Cithorn> Right now.... I'm killing you with my mind <Cithorn> Tell me if you die <AntiarcPrime> If I'm dead, I can't typ........asdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd * AntiarcPrime dies <AntiarcPrime> [ Restore from last save point? ] (Yes/No) <AntiarcPrime> Yes * AntiarcPrime respawns <Cithorn> Aww sunova bitch, now I know what it's like to be a Final Fantasy Villain
#822005
1101
<kumaro> i got home for a terrible day at work so i decided to take a quick shower. <kumaro> so i got in, took my clothes off and turned the shower on <kumaro> like usual, i danced around and made a mohawk with my hair <kumaro> it was going great until i let out a big rip <kumaro> man, it was horrible <kumaro> im not even kidding <kumaro> i coulndt take the smell so i was held my breath <kumaro> after maybe 40 secs, i gasped for air not realizing the shower was still on <kumaro> so i inhaled a lot of water right <kumaro> i was coughing like crazy then BAM! <kumaro> i slipped on the shampoo bottle and hit my head on the side of the bathtub and i was knocked out cold <kumaro> to make a long story short, i woke up 40 mins later naked with my mom slapping me in the face telling me to wake up. <dvo> wow, that sounds really kinky <kumaro> talk about a horrible day
#59018
248
<PhD> i got woken up by a freakin woodpecker today <PhD> i thought someone was knocking :-( <Katlizy> doesnt every guy get one of those in the morning?
#58999
266
<Ishtar-AFK> during chinese new years... they give redpockets filled with money <Ishtar-AFK> for good luck or something, but the important part is cash <SiWaRD> you're chinese? <SiWaRD> I thought you were Korean <Ishtar-AFK> i'm chinese <Ishtar-AFK> wtf <Ishtar-AFK> when i go back to visit my grandparents... they say i dont follow traditions * sweeps starts thinking up racial slurs <sweeps> when i go back to visit my grandparents... they say i dont follow traditions <- you mean communism? <SiWaRD> do your grandparents know martial arts? <sweeps> do they fly?
#58997
646
<Peter> My brother got a $1500 car deck for $6.58 today. <kaliyama> Was that the cost of the crowbar and ski mask?
#58970
467
<Mich> do you call a drinking fountain thing a water fountain or a bubbler? <Mystiq> who the fuck would call it a bubbler <Mich> it must be a regional thing <Mich> everyone here says bubbler <Mystiq> yeah well your state voted bush
#58967
141
<The_Snowman> but as always, the kids got a ton of gifts.... : / <The_Snowman> we've spent all day clearing out their room to get room for all the new shi.... toys <Scarebear> We did the same thing yesterday. They got heaps! Yesterday was cleanup day <The_Snowman> im really thinking of kick/banning grandparents from #xmas :/
#58910
209
<+DangerMan> I liked cold weather a lot better when I was fat <bmwii> ya, an extra 30 pounds helps through the winter =) <+ZombiEater> ..or a jacket
#58901
206
<@Shadoe> I don't want to have sex with you <@Shadoe> EVAR <Vladimere> yeah yeah <Vladimere> i've heard it before <Vladimere> that's what they all say, and then they end up staring at the headboard <@Shadoe> yeah, going "jesus christ when will it end"
#58963
147
(XengeL|MakingAnimeVideos): omfg (XengeL|MakingAnimeVideos): whose good with windows paint program? (nemesis): omfg (nemesis): who isnt?
#58871
293
<Agent> [02:02] * king_away is back from Sex0ring my HAND :D. I was gone for 18secs <Agent> You should see a doctor about that. <Agent> 18 secs?! <king_minkus> :D <king_minkus> yep <king_minkus> my hand is good <king_minkus> DAMN good <Agent> I'll uh... take your word for it :) <Silent_Remorse> 18 secs? Your pathetic <Silent_Remorse> ;p <king_minkus> i repeat <king_minkus> my hand is good <Silent_Remorse> I pity the woman who you eventually trick into having sex with you
#58923
367
<Shadoe> baby collars <Shadoe> hahaha <Shadoe> "here baby baby" *yank* <Shadoe> <---- should not have children.
#823861
1446
Inflames: Dude, my sister had sex with some guy 15 minutes before he was 18. Then she called me and told me. Inflames: I was like, wtf? I don't wanna know that. Sandman: wow Sandman: She doing anything February 17th at 11:45pm?
#58965
699
* jesus takes off your pants. * Sexypants is now known as Sexy <jesus> rawr <Sexy> jesus took off my pants <Kitsa> the lord works in mysterious ways
#58894
1000
<GamespitterZ420> i wanted to know why your name is blue and why it has an @in front of it? <@Shadoe> I'm a fucking smurf with a tumor <GamespitterZ420> damn sorry dude my condolences
#58951
308
Lukerul1: my mom got a laptop, she opened it up, and was looking at it, and asked what it was Lukerul1: i wanted to cry
#58869
477
<sCoTTiii> is there actually any nice gurls in here, who dont put out, and arnt sluts and are over 16 ? lol, msg me man <My`Albanian`Ass> opposite to that, msg me :)
#58860
175
<Lithium> if i buy a hardware firewall right - i just stick it on, tell it to block all ports - tada <Lithium> easy peasy <stephen> all ports? <Lithium> i aint got time to arse about isntalling software firewalls on every machine <Lithium> i tried before <Noodle> there's an easier and cheaper way to block all ports <Noodle> pull the RJ45 out :P
#58832
200
<likwid8> anyone know where I can get the ABC special on how hackers get movies for free?
#58825
295
tom: I deep throated a banana once tom: I'm good at it tom: all the girls in class looked at me funny tho
#58844
418
SquallBane: True gamers don't need controllers/keyboards/mice. SquallBane: They memorize the game and play it in their head. blindpyro: wtf. blindpyro: then how do you play mulplayer. SquallBane: You get three friends to sit in the same room and rattle off verbose descriptions of what's happening.
#58852
243
<Donut[4]> DEFRAG TIME <_ry0suke_> deFAG * Donut[4] has quit IRC (Quit: DEFRAG IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVERYONE) * Donut has joined #walktheplank <Donut> HEY WAIT <Donut> F U =( * Donut has quit IRC (Quit: ) <_ry0suke_> :(
#58831
125
<jre> http://www.toronto.com/feature/344/ "The cemetery's roots date back to the Primitive Methodists." <jre> Primitive Methodists <AFRICAN_THUNDER> so in other words 1967
#820585
3256
<ndruo> i'm usig my onscreen keyboard <ndruo> i's very triksies <ndruo> he ltters re vry mall <NeroMan> Translation: The letters are very small. <ndruo> this will enhance my FPS skills <SuperJoe> What's the translation for that? <NeroMan> Translation: This will enhance my sexual ability. <ndruo> i hte you. <ndruo> GOD <NeroMan> Translation: I love you, GENERAL ZOD <ndruo> iffclt is this <ndruo> :( <NeroMan> Translation: This is difficult to the point I am saddened <SuperJoe> General Zod is pretty cool, I'll admit. <ndruo> 8=======D translte this <NeroMan> Translation: "My penis is small enough that I can make a life size depiction of it using IRC text."
#58815
82
<NateDog> HH, I'd accept a blowjob from anyone as long as they didn't have herpes or some other mouth disease <`Syntax> Nate would accept a blowjob from *!*@*
#58858
1807
<domenow> I'm gripping your cock hard <ThAtGuy> i'm feeling your breasts <ThAtGuy> my dick is getting really hard now <domenow> yeah, mine too <domenow> I mean... err.
#58800
180
<Anon> holy crap, you know you've been on IRC too long when you see p133 and think 'plee'...
#58801
26
<jre> WHAT? They pulled the teeth out POST-MORTEM? <jre> What losers <jre> The Nazis have just lost so much respect from me
#58846
719
<TheThree> your special? <Mj> you're <TheThree> sorry my grammer sucks <Mj> grammar <TheThree> as dose my spelling <Mj> does <TheThree> i give up
#58790
40
<NateDog> when you don't even want to pay $0.00 for something you must be REALLY cheap
#58739
148
<ally> i wonder what postage of a live animal would be to washington >.> <rcg> illegal?
#58765
237
<AlpViper> apparantly my motherboard temp is 72 degrees <AlpViper> is that bad <Nom> farenheight or celcius ? <Nom> if its celcius then yes, its bad <AlpViper> oh dear
#58743
1400
<@Campbell> I saw the best thing today... I was around at a mates place and these Jehovah's Witnesses came around preaching their shit <@Campbell> So my mate invites them in and sits down and offers them pizza and cookies. <@Campbell> After about 15 minutes they left very happy. <@Campbell> We spotted them about an hour later lying in a park staring at the sky <@Campbell> I guess those hash cookies and that magic mushie pizza really did its job. <@Campbell> Who said drugs were bad?!
#58734
263
<torch> is a 19" monitor big enough to run 1600x1200, or should i get a 21"? <qball> 1600x1200 is kinda tight on the 19 <qball> actually it's very tight <Matt97GT> like 9 y/o tight? <ReeferCpe> male or female?
#820499
1331
<Archie> thanks to opera for the wii, i can now watch youtube on my tv <Archie> we have gone full circle
#58754
174
<The_Cold> I wish it was the end of January. <Tenchi147> it is <Tenchi147> in japan... <Tenchi147> in japan it's the year 2025 <The_Cold> I wish it was the end of january in North America. <Tenchi147> it is <Tenchi147> in canada <Tenchi147> it's like 1805 in canada
#58781
110
<KMQ> foo is not xxxx <Skunks> foo *can* be xxxx <KMQ> no... <KMQ> fooo can be xxxx <Skunks> heh <KMQ> but not foo <Skunks> variable length is not limited by the name of the variable :P
#58742
163
<%kc1313> im a good analizer [<Nematocyst> ANALIZER? <Nematocyst> OR ANALYZER <%kc1313> yeah the second
#58748
498
<@_aa_> I need more friends <@_aa_> good ones <@_aa_> instead of bad friends <@_aa_> but I guess there's no such thing as bad friends <biVulate> aa: join a fraternity :P <@_aa_> I said friends not people who will super glue my penis to a milk crate when I'm asleep
#58770
168
* wintax accidentally substitutes tequila for olive oil while trying to make salad dressing
#58690
169
(hydroponik): lol my penis is naked and its 10 inches long :] (cursor): hydroponik: objects in mirror are nine inches bigger than they areally are
#58639
18
<T`karthon> This is my hard drive assnip, I just don't like having 10 gigs of mp3s slowing my shit down <Spleen_work> you are a stupid fuck
#58722
164
<TsN|Wildchild> yes Im a nerd... Im pushing 30 and I enjoy playing video games, so sue me bitch <TsN|AgentABC> im pushing 16 WC, i feel you pain <TsN|Wildchild> thats puberty abc it will pass
#58723
343
<Lazy_Robot> Sometimes they dont label the gay porn gay on kazaa.... <Lazy_Robot> I wonderd why the guys were fucking <Lazy_Robot> thought some ladies were coming.... <Lazy_Robot> took awhile b4 I realised.
#58730
253
RetardedCrow: www.ragingrooster.com Chloe Margarita: You find the oddest sites. How do you do that? RetardedCrow: I looked up cock. RetardedCrow: Fights, er, cock FIGHTS
#820509
1440
<+JimBastard> you wouldnt believe what just happened <+JimBastard> i've been tracking my macbook all day on fedex, gets signed for by "One CHILETA" at 3pm...while im at work <+JimBastard> turns it was misdelivered....TO THE MARCY PROJECTS IN BROOKLYN <+JimBastard> A BRAND NEW LAPTOP <+JimBastard> so what did jim bastard do? <+JimBastard> I put on a button up shirt, black leather jacket, kakhis, and a dress shoes <+JimBastard> went to the address <+JimBastard> and pretended i was a detective <+JimBastard> laptop is sitting on their desk <+JimBastard> "Maam I'm here about a misdelievered package" <+JimBastard> "We know its here" <+JimBastard> "We just want it back, or else I'm going to have to come back with a warrant" <+JimBastard> "and no one wants that" <+JimBastard> never underestimate the power of a well dressed well spoken white man in the hood <+JimBastard> the guy took one look at me as he was walking towards the door....turned around and came back with the package
#58715
747
<gatewatcher> heh, last year, when my parrents made me goto ccd, i had to sit through a pro-life presentation. after, the guy asked my friend if he was pro-life. my friend goes yes, of course i am, i'm catholic. the guy goes, that's good. then my friend goes, yeah, i mean you can't eat babies unless they're born... the guy was clearly horrified.
#58732
336
<dreawn> I found out earlier today from an ex-AF friend of mine that a gallon of prize winning bull semen sells for 10 L <dreawn> err 10 K <dreawn> so I've taken up a new occupation and double life as a semen rustler. <Marmalade420> so i need is polar bear semen <Marmalade420> and i can get money <Marmalade420> all <dreawn> well, prize-winning bull semen. <dreawn> you could join my gang of ruthless thugs who steal semen from large creatures and try to sell it <Marmalade420> sure <dreawn> nothing like fleeing the farm of a north dakota farmer with a gang of lawmen chasing you in pickup trucks worrying about spilling some bull gravy out of a tin pail <dreawn> nope, nothing at all.
#58692
45
<silk|around> whats that site where you put a name in and it says your a homo or somthing <silk|around> ahh got one <silk|around> nn all
#58677
236
<Miz> why does windows messager not close? :E <Miz> there isnt anything using it! <Cheez> hotmail? <Miz> not visible anyway <Miz> nope <Miz> no windows open 'cept this <Cheez> try killing the process * Miz has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer) <Cheez> wrong process...
#58683
168
<@bmann> once it gets warmer im getting a fucking job <@rambopfc> just get a snowblower, u could get a blow job
#58625
288
<[Knob]> IM NOT COLORBLIND, thanks to this test: http:// www.liquidgeneration.com/sabotage/vision_sabotage.asp <rTenshi> I WISH I WERE BLIND, thanks to this page: http:// www.goatse.cx
#58630
14
<bi0cide> this is rad <bi0cide> its erotic magnetic poetry <bi0cide> im getting off just reading the words <bi0cide> errr <bi0cide> :|
#58627
312
(@RyJones) new laptop? (lukehop^) No, it's my old one, just gradually turning it into a cow (@RyJones) yeah my exwife did that
#58610
131
<rover> I took my Ventolin puffer, and puffed it onto this cockroach that was still <rover> it died
#58636
453
<[_tOz_]> people saying internet is full of childporn is so full of bullshit...i cant find a single picture
#823025
1983
<tgr> i told my girlfriend that she's "math girl, doer of math: unable to integrate with society, only with functions of x" <tgr> and guys, this is why she's my girlfriend. she said: <tgr> "i could do a u substitution..."
#58633
293
< back2u> yeah ... somme ppl r just born loosers like urslef ... < pairo> Hey, at least I can spell loser. < back2u> heh. < pairo> Not to mention "people", "are" and "yourself". < back2u> good for you ... < pairo> Oh, and "some". < back2u> the caybord is not a good one :P
#58603
390
<jihad> i need crack <craz> www.gamecopyworld.com <jihad> not this fuckin software, the drug
#58619
332
<Bal> saw lotr2 <biff|JK2> u like Bal? <Bal> when legolas calls out to gimli at the begining, i was expecting him to say 'come on silent bob' <Lun> LOL
#58620
967
<Arcturus|BuF> The Sims is the only game where you can kill someone by trapping them between strategically placed toilets
#58544
119
<_apostle_> yea but all the really fun stuff costs more money <_apostle_> and you need to find the right kid of hooker <Monk_Grav> The right kid of hooker? <Monk_Grav> I'm pretty sure that's illegal. <_apostle_> *kind
#58524
562
<MightyBlueJustice> If Jesus would've been shot to death instead of crucified would christians wear jewelry with firearms on it? <K-Necrocide> It kinda makes you wish he was assraped to death with a big black cock.
#58548
89
<Kevyn> I think I'm going to buy one of those LCD screens and snap it onto my girlfriend instead of my Gamecube. <Kevyn> So I can play Monkey Ball and fuck her in the ass at the same time.
#58547
331
<crunchyfish> It's easier to talk to girls if you find little ways to surprise them. <crunchyfish> Like punching them in their fucking whore face in a dark parking lot.
#58600
205
<Meshugga> sleep is supposed to be done between 6 am and 2 pm <octane> whats this sleep thingie anyways? <octane> is it something real or yet another urban legend? <Meshugga> sleep, neut., The thing which makes all your boxen idle <octane> thats called `power outage' here.
#820787
1297
(Andrzej) I had a waking dream about a tsunami once (Andrzej) except the tsunami was made out of clowns. (Andrzej) and I was 5 (Andrzej) I didn't sleep that night
#58520
193
* Mr`Anders is now known as MrAndersn <TreOptik> mrandersn sounds like a pedophile biochemestry teacher ***later <_spirit_> hmm mr anderson... that reminds me of highschool <TreOptik> i said something like that too ..
#58531
513
<fiddler> how do u ppl say either, like i-ther or like e-ther? <jnss> i don't say either
#58591
296
*this took place on December 26th [00:01] <chewy> </christmas> [00:02] <berger> haha
#58532
1441
<wangschlong> So i was walking by some house <wangschlong> and some hot girl was staring at me from the house <wangschlong> so i go closer and shes still staring at me <wangschlong> it turns out <wangschlong> IT WAS A FUCKING LAMP
#58527
514
<Sirex> i should set the ping reply as a negative number <Sirex> and tell people i'm from the future
#58491
223
joerodZ3: ppl should chase their dreams joerodZ3: it's the route to happiness RGarza983: and jailtime
#58507
406
<LeX|NgToN> i got a blister on the inside of my hand =/ <Vagabonde> haha, from wacking off? <LeX|NgToN> Y DOES EVERYONE ASSUME THAT?!
#58473
201
<voidnull> Computers destroyed my life. Today when my mum told me to get up, I asked her for the password.
#58505
440
<StillAway> omg i got spam saying 'someone at work likes you'. they really dont target this shit well do they, I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB
#58495
15
<robg> Fuck. My room is still on fire. <robg> It's a small electrical one, though. <robg> My moms trying to take care of it. <NonToxic> robg then GET OFF IRC!!
#820128
777
<Blee> i went downtown for halloween and we saw a midget <Blee> and this guy was like "THAT COSTUME IS AWESOME" <Blee> oh it was horrible but everyone laughed
#58490
43
<cronwrk> this is a really stupid question.. but anyway.. what drivers should you use with microsoft wheelman mouse.. will logitech drivers work?
End of preview. Expand in Data Studio

Details

This is an unofficial dataset of an archive mirror of Bash.org: https://bash-org-archive.com/

Bash.org was a website launched in 1999 dedicated to archiving funny quotes from IRC other chat platforms over the years.

It offers a look into jokes, memes, and often inappropriate content that was quite commonplace at the time.

This dataset has been cleaned with a custom parser, aiming to preserve the original format of the content.

The parquet file contains the following columns:

qid score quote
Quote ID Score Quote

Sample

Quote ID: #54588

Score: 517

Quote:

<BalkanEmperorGlaug> Another flight attendant's comment on a
less than perfect landing: "We ask  you to please remain
seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
<Schroe[Sleepies]> On my first flight ever, the captain came
on over the intercom -
<Schroe[Sleepies]> "We aren't really a flight crew ... but we
did stay at a Holiday Inn Express!"
<mike> :P
<mike> i wanna be a pilot
<mike> then i can come over the intercom, "What's this button
do...OH FUCKING SHIT!!"
<mike> then after panic ensues, "Just kidding!"
<Glaug-Eldare> "The weather at our destination is 50 degrees
with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed
before we arrive."
<Glaug-Eldare> Then you can get fired!
<Glaug-Eldare> =D
<mike> then i can get a job that's on the ground!
<Glaug-Eldare> And throw wrenches at planes' windows while
they're taking off?
<mike> i was thinking more along the lines of programming
Downloads last month
61