Datasets:

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ZSvedic

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humor-chains

like 3

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "A song by a-ha that I like has the lyric \"I used to be confused, but now I just don't know\"" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I spent most of the Summer as a trapeze artists, but was recently let go." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Let go in the fall?" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I'd say that having the bones in your neck fused is a pretty big decision, but once you do it, you'll never look back." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Makes it hard to sue for whiplash, though." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Accordion to a study, 93% won't notice if a word has been replaced with an instrument." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I noticed it, now what do I get?" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "You can go the rest of your life without eating." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "r/technicallythetruth" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "No matter how much you love The Simpsons...\n...a girl dressing up for you as Marge is never sexy." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Eh if its hair down marge I think I would dig it." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Everyday is leg day when you're running from your problems." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "*Every day*, not *everyday.* They mean two different things." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Shovels were a groundbreaking discovery." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "REEEEEEEEEEEEpost" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Technically, the condition of any mirror you buy is \"used\"." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Mirror inspector. That's a job I can see myself doing." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I made a questionable joke at an alopecia convention, fortunately it didn't raise any eyebrows." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Keep my eyebrows out of your f@#*ing mouth!" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Between You and I, JKLMNOPQRST." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "It's between you and me. So that's an I - roller if you know your grammar." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My sister n law turned my bros baby picture into an air freshener.. lol\n​\n\nhttps://preview.redd.it/cqe050gigfw61.png?width=667&format=png&auto=webp&s=7c3b256e1a0d0183d74f8d57dfe011ab1b5638b1" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "That’s a yee yee ass air freshener" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Bullets are really weird because they only do their job after they’re fired." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Stolen from /r/showerthoughts" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I have a lot of opinions on this covid relief bill, but sending a billion dollars to Egypt just seems like a pyramid scheme." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Must be why all those landlords are Egypting their tenants." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I just can't stop reading this book!" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I knew I was taking a risk when I picked up a copy of the 378 page self help guide, \"Understanding Reading Addiction for Dummies\"." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My myelin sheath is really getting on my nerves." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "A fellow science student i see! Take my upvote, for this surprisingly well thought line" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I woke up with a hangover this morning, with this message from my drunken self last night scrawled on a notepad beside me.\nIt read: \"HIV is like DRM for people\"\n\nWhy the fuck did I think that was important enough to write down?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "That's pretty wise actually. When you get HIV, you are not allowed to copy yourself anymore." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "This hurts my head" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My mind is like an internet browser — I have 23 tabs open, 4 are frozen, and I don't know where the music is coming from." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "this should go on r/Showerthoughts" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Anal is for assholes." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "What a shit joke" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I bought coconut shampoo the other day, but when I got home, I realized I didn't even have a coconut." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Nice This is the kind of post I look for" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Sometimes I wish my wife had a “Story Mode” difficulty setting, so I could just enjoy my time with her rather than facing battle after battle." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "r/boomerhumour" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "NOs walks into a bar..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "And everyone said \"Hola!\" to nos." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "As the gamer laid dying in my arms, it whispered this into my ear..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Insert coin to continue" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My friend believed that all you need is love, then he starved to death." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "He did live the rest of his life consuming nothing but love" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "The morgue is donating cadavers to anyone who is interested, sounds like a dead giveaway to me" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Great, looking forward to cracking open a cold one." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Subreddit Of The Month [September 2020]: /r/pollgames//. Know of a small (under 20,000 subscribers) humor-based subreddit that deserves a month in the spotlight? Link it inside!" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Why did my phone give me a notification for this post...?" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Every time someone starts a statement with “I’m no genius...”, I know I’m only going to agree with that first part." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I'm no genius, but the earth is round, the sky is blue, and the grass is green." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Cannibals take being a people person to one fucked up level." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I read cannabis at first and was thoroughly confused" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I drink to drown my sorrows, but they are amazing swimmers." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "[U2 Until the end of the world](https://youtu.be/IQizkxvRdYE) \n\n“In my dream I was drowning my sorrows \nBut my sorrows, they learned to swim”" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "if a woman is uncomfortable watching me masturbate....\nshe should sit somewhere else on the bus." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "(alternative punch line:)\nthen she should close her curtains when she's getting ready for bed." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Why don't dogs drive cars?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "The roads are too ruff" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "A socialist casino was built next to a bar..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "And the taxes on profits were used to provide proper healthcare and other social services for all. Any they all lived happily ever after. The end." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "What’s black and white and blue all-over?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "A black cop" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Congratulations to the astronauts who left Earth today.\nGood choice" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Two liner" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "The 1950s walks into a bar" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "It felt like a decade before it left" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Ive just fallen through the roof of a French bakery. I'm in a world of pain.🥖🥐" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I used to run a bakery and said to a customer \"you should try our Italian bread\".\n\nHe said \"ciabatta?\"\n\nI said \"No, it's a fixed price\"" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Millions of weddings and yet all brides have failed to marry the best man in the room." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "On the first occasion." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "A cure for premature ejaculation can't come soon enough." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Hope it comes soon" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I'd bet Jesus was really into crossfit." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Nailed it." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Unless you wanna see 50 geriatric dudes in swimsuits, stop right fucking there. Because that's exactly how these dumbasses in this upside down world will interpret it and we'll all have to see Ted Cruz in a 2 piece and heels." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "c-sections are for pussies" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Except it specifically bypasses the pussy. So it actually isn't for pussies." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "For the record, my new turntable is great!" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "First true one liner I've seen hit my front page in a while." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My girlfriend hates it when I make jokes about her weight.. she needs to lighten up." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "~~Might have been formatted better if you put the \"She needs to lighten up\" in the body of the text.~~\n\nPre-Edit: While writing this comment I realised we're in r/oneliners, not r/jokes. I take it all back." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Last night they held a seminar on how to withhold orgasms; nobody came." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "They said the class was 18+ but I still attended at 17. It seems I came prematurely" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Kim Jong Un uses body doubles, they're named Kim Jong Deux and Kim Jong Trois." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Thanks for being French" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I've spent the last 2 years looking for my ex's killer, but no one wants to do it." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "They're too afraid that they'll turn into stone." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Who needs Biden or Tump, I'm..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Canadian" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "TIL that 50% of Roger Federer's name is \"er\"" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "If you remove every E and R it's just: \"ogfd\"" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I'm not superstitious, we Capricorns rarely are." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Your mercury is in retrograde, second star on the right, and straight on till morning!" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Just got my Pfizer vaccine and no side effects other than this 6 hour erection." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "That must have been hard on you" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I dropped a bar of gold on my foot. Au! That hurt." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "a golden joke" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "So there’s 6 fish in a mermaid bar..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "...but they got sent out for being underage when the mermaid realised they were part of a school." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My cocaine is so white, the police let it go with a warning." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I snorted at that one!" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket...\nYou can hide, but you can't run" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "They see me rollin', they hatin'." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "A nine year old girl has disappeared after using moisturizer that makes you look ten years younger." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Wait a year, she'll be back." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I always preferred Marianne, but I changed my mind after reading about the benefits of eating Ginger." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Reddit is generally too young for this" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I could become a plant...?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "If I had the roots for it" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I don't have my German fruit bread anymore, it was stollen" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I kneaded this" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Sup girl, I heard you like philosophers who can think deeply" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Well you're in luck, because I'm an expert on Kant." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "A trophy of a cat's butt would be a catastrophe." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "This is my new favorite dad joke." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Ah, blind girls, You've gotta hand it to them." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I always liked this version:\n\n> You've gotta hand it to blind prostitutes, and if they say you're the biggest they've ever had, they're pulling your leg." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "A mosquito landed on my mate's face... Easiest. Decision. Ever." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "r/fourliners" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Should I tell the cops that a incompetent metalworker I know is a forger?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "\"a incompetent\" lol" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "At one point there was a more extreme version of Dr. Strange, called Dr. Stranger, but nobody knows him." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Nobody wanted to talk to him either." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Do gay Nazis like Hungarians?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "...Hung Aryans" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "[ Removed by Reddit ]\n[ Removed by reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Most Texan name too: Colt" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "A man walked into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and said: \"A beer please, and one for the road.\"" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Carn’t unsee that" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "What do you call a nosy pepper?\njalapeño business" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "What do you say to a mean tomato?\n\nHey, fuck you tomato." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "In 10 or 20 years, my ten month old will be shocked to realize that the sweet lullaby I sang her to sleep so many times was actually 1999's \"No Scrubs\" by TLC.\nWeird Al's \"It's All About The Pentiums\" is another favorite." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I'm just imagining you singing this line of the song to your child... \n\n\"If you live at home with your mama,\nOh yes, son, I'm talkin' to you.\"" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Use a movie title to describe your last bowel evacuation\nI'll go first\n\nThere Will be Blood" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Children of the corn" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I say no to Alcohol, it just doesn’t listen." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "If you're talking to Alcohol maybe it's already too late" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "The concept of odourless perfume makes no scents." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "this is fantastic" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My dick was in the Guinness book of world records, until the librarian told me to take it out." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "You stole this… I don’t know where from, but you stole this. That being said, I don’t really give a shit 4/10 joke anyways." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I'll take \"inflation\" for 500 billion dollars, Alex." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Haha" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I suggest everyone who is unemployed like me cease putting [NSFW] tags on posts...\n...the more of you bastards get fired, the more likely I'll get a job." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "LOL for the creativity." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I’m being chased by three polar bears" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I have tri-polar disorder" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I have issues when it comes to comic book subscriptions" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "A crisp, humorous one-liner. Thanks for the lol!" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, will, read, this, like William, Shatner." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Not gonna lie, I totally heard this in the narration of Stevie from Malcom in the Middle" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "All of these 'trashtag challenge' posts are litterally changing my view of the world." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I am not familiar with this phenomenon you speak of" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Think about how stupid the average person is..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "And realize that at least one of them is going to reply with a George Carlin quote." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My dad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up sex, which probably explains his short-lived career as a boxer." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Finally, a joke from here I understand" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep. During the night, the tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in Spanish." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Steven Wright?" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I wish I was rich enough to eat out all the time like the homeless do" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Those roof less restaurants have such a breezy atmosphere to them" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Embargo spelled backwards is O grab me." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "O'Grabme, the Irish Catholic priest." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "The difference between a good meal and a good time is..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "where you put the cucumber. (not my joke)" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes…it all about raisin awareness" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Now I’m getting all cinnamon-tal" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "\"All track and field throwing events are boring\" Discus...." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I'll relay this one to my friends later" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I have a bumper sticker that says 'Honk If You Think I'm Sexy' so I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I too am subscribed to forwards from Grandma" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York, because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I had to read this about 6 times before I got it." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I always find the last step in making jam to be jarring" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "That’s a sweet joke" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I got an e-mail saying, 'At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!' and I thought to myself, \"That's just spam.\"" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Can someone explain this to me? I don’t get it." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Hey girl are you a factory?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Cause I wanna fill you with kids" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Tell Schrödinger I survived\n​\n\nhttps://i.redd.it/cwn49z8lh9t21.png" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "For real tho, Schrödinger was an asshole" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Eating Greek yoghurt is cultural appropriation." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Not all gyros wear grapes" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Why do our noses run but our feet smell" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Or we cook bacon but bake cookies?" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Why did the Vietnamese cat fall off the tree?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Just to Hanoi its owner." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Here's my poor man's gold: 🏅" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I’ve successfully grown a field of dildos, but now I have a problem with squatters." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "something something country girls make do..." } ]