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French | J'ai fait ça c'est trop |
French | null |
English | I don't give a shit about how I'd hurt my friends and family if I killed myself In fact my only regret is that I won't see their reactions I feel like a monster for thinking this but it's true |
English | I m going to test something Ill keep doing non-negative stuff through the day and I'll see how I feel at the end of the day Non-negative stuff is everything that doesn't carry negative emotions playing cute video games like Animal Crossing listening to happy songs etc. I've been having terrible days lately, and I think if I do this at least one of my days will be better If I feel better afterward it probably means I'm faking all of this but whatever I m going to log out of this throwaway and then at the end of the day it's where I live I'll be back in like hours I'll tell y all how it went |
English | I guess I just want someone t hear this It's hard to talk about things like this with anyone really I feel like I can't talk to my therapist because he might have me locked up or something I can't talk to co-workers That d be a terrible idea I certainly can't talk to my family they d worry So I guess if you all are ok with it, I just want to post it here I m years old female can't have kids never married hardly ever dated really I started having suicidal thoughts when I was bout I was told by people at the time that they'd go away that it was just hormones and being a teen They didn't I struggle with dark thoughts probably at least once a week sometimes more than that amp x B I'm on a variety of meds HRT being one of them which goes back to the whole cant have kids thing I don't want to expand on that though I don't even like kids Or at least that's what I tell myself I don't know how true it is I'm not and never will be a mother, so I can't say I know what that is like I'm also on antidepressants and they have helped me I probably wouldn't be here if they hadn't It's like a fence around the rooftop preventing me from going over I kind of hate it but I'm glad it's here I think amp x B I live in a small town in the southeast I was born here and I moved away a decade ago to chase my career I've drown myself in my work life since I was in my early s Because if I didn't I'd bury myself in video games or books or drawing or anything that d prevent me from having to look at myself I suppose I moved here after my last job went sour This town is difficult to find gainful employment in if you are not a nurse or work for the military My parents aren't getting younger And I thought it'd be a chance to get closer to them plus to escape my last job amp x B So this whole post is going to be scattered because I don't really know how to format it I just want to get these thoughts out Maybe if they come out of my fingers they won't spend so much time in my head IDK amp x B I bought a small house not too far from my parents we've always been a very close family I was an only child and they had a lot of trouble having me When they finally did I had all kinds of health problems allergies asthma apparently malformed internal components that prevent me from reproducing maybe that s for the best anyway I've already had some surgery for this I'll be having more soon I can't sit here and say that couldn't be worse though My house is down a long poorly lit road where deer seem to cross every day I've nearly hit them several times and I've seen people who have hit them The road is only or miles long Every time my parents come to visit I'm worried sick about them that they're going to get killed in a car wreck with a deer But even then I know that they're not going to get younger They're on a slow health decline that will ultimately take them away from me, I've never really been close to anyone else Ya know I may have dated a dozen or so guys in my life The longest relationship I've had was about months He broke up with me because he was getting a lot of pressure from his family to have kids and well that wouldn't happen to me, I mean sure adoption or whatever but like I said I don't really like kids right, so I have no idea Either way that relationship ended rather abruptly about years ago and I haven't even tried to date since I gained a ton of weight I lost all of it and then some and I'm trying to be healthier but I'm a depression eater and I seem to be in a dark hole right now amp x B I look out the window and I see the grass dying the trees dying the sun not really coming up all that much the warmth gone I see my parents' health getting worse I see them struggling financially, and I can't help them I do what I can but I can't REALLY help them I mean it's not like the past was sunny and wonderful right but I had some good moments here and there I can't say I've never smiled or never seen happiness though its always been short-lived amp x B I've always felt broken Like I'm not supposed to exist I mean they had trouble having me and when they did, I was broken So I guess I've felt undeserving of anything that good that has ever happened in the first place I constantly find myself thinking that I'm a bad person because of thoughts or feelings that I have and I'm constantly self analyzing which then makes me feel guilty for being self-centered and narcissistic I've always beat myself upstarting around I would basically mentally abuse myself for every little thing I could My hair my weight my grades my social status it was a bigger deal than it is now but now I still beat myself up for anything I can find My boss is kind of abusive too He says all kinds of sarcastic stuff to me makes my job a lot harder But I internalize it and make it my own and make it personal I know that I do this but I do anyway I feel like I deserve it I feel like they don't do enough to hurt me But that makes no sense I do talk to my therapist about this kinda stuff but not ALL of it Like if I told him that a few weeks ago I had made a noose from networking cables but stopped when I learned ceiling fans can't hold weight he'd pretty much ruin my life by throwing me into a facility I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about these kinds of things If I need to edit this I guess tell me or you can edit or whatever That's the ND closest I've ever come to really doing anything amp x B And I mean my life isn't bad It's not I'm not sleeping on cardboard behind the McDonald's I have a home a job I have some savings I have a fairly new car and a lot of luxuries I should be happy Right amp x B I see these TV shows hear music etc. Where people talk about being free and it upsets me But in a weird sort of way Like I almost feel envy Like often I find myself feeling envious of people who have been able to go through with it, I've always felt like a coward for not being able to I wind up at the brink and I step away and then I kick myself for weeks for being a coward amp x B At I've obviously stepped away a number of times I've come closest when I feel overwhelmed by things that are out of my control The way I've put it to my therapist and the people in my life that won't leave me or suddenly have a reason to get off the phone or off chat etc. when I tart talking about it is that I'm looking for an exit I can't find a way out of the situation except for this But it doesn't seem to get easier I've got a few gray hairs these days Not many just a dozen or so probably but it's still a reminder that all the pain and problems my parents are having and as much as I worry about them there's nothing good on my horizon Ultimately they will be taken away from me and then I'll get to a point where I'm always in pain and treated like a hated stereotype or a political football under the elderly umbrella I work for a company that helps the chronically ill in hospices and nursing homes I don't work directly with patients but I hear about them and sometimes they will call me by mistake and I hear what they're going through and I just feel helpless to do anything to help them or ultimately myself A lot of these folks have kids that pay for their care that pay us I won't have that I don't really even deserve that amp x B I feel guilty Very guilty Even reading over this I feel like I'm a narcissistic ass Why is everything about me Why do I have to make myself the center of everything I don't deserve that kind of attention I don't deserve anything amp x B I remember at my last job after my manager quit and was replaced by a guy that absolutely hated me and changed my schedule around to basically put me in hell I fell into a really deep depression I gained pounds in only a few months I remember right before I got the offer for the job I m at currently I had finished up with a customer in a really tall building They had a story parking garage and I walked to the edge and leaned over the wall and stood there for a long time looking at the ground Eventually I turned back and went to my car I remember what stopped me was that I wasn't SURE that it would work even that tall the narcissist in me also felt bad about having the closest casket and the fact that I hadn't left a note I hadn't told anyone They wouldn't understand The news might report it maybe they'd say I fell and people would ignore it and the world would keep rotating and no one would know my feelings no one would understand amp x B Do I even deserve to have someone understand No Again with the narcissism It was all about me MY job MY funeral MY note amp x B I think out of my entire life I've had my means in my hand about times Anything else has been ideation research and bemoaning of laws Like I've never understood why people won't let you just do it I know it hurts people That's a big reason that stops me My parents suffer so much, and I know they'd be devastated even though I don't deserve the kind of love they give me not at all It'd hurt them and I don't want to do that But more than that its basically illegal The only ways I've found are painful or ave a high chance of failure and that stops me Why am I required to exist What right does someone else have over me to tell me I have to be here amp x B I thought earlier today like maybe I can Holden for them and maybe after that I can just go But I still wouldn't know how and I'd be breaking my promise to them that I'd try to be happy That's all they've ever wanted for me was for me to be happy and I've failed them again and again and again I can't be happy I'm not capable of that Well I've stopped crying at least Why does this help Why would it I've written notes many times for the same reason It seems to help Is it just venting Am I just a piece of shit that's spamming and wasting everyone's time I'm sorry Ya know I've called hotlines before or times mostly in the last few years I've had to have several surgeries and they're taking pretty much what's left of me in a few months Part of me almost feels optimistic like maybe then I can try to date again The doc seems pretty confident that it'll be the last I mean what else can they do No ovaries no uterus I mean I'll be on these hormones for the rest of my life though Or I guess until they decide to just take them away from me, I don't guess I'll be in pain anymore though like cramping amp x B I had more but I m going to stop I've dried my eyes My sinuses will hate me for an hour or so I have to hold on past this Sometimes I just seriously wonder if I can But for not having a way that I know would work I know I couldn't go through with it anyway I worry about the possibility of an afterlife I want to think there's nothing Ya know we come from nothing and go to nothing Just poof You don't feel anything because you aren't there TO feel anything It's comforting to me to think about that but then I worry what if I'm wrong What if all this stuff about eternal hellfire is real IDK amp x B Mods if this needs to be deleted or something please do I don't want to hurt anyone I'm not trying to troll or anything I'm just a damned mess I shouldn't exist and should never HAVE existed But I mean like if this is at all triggering or anything like that just remove it I don't want to hurt anyone It's bad enough that I've let everyone in my life down much less adding hurting someone else to it, I've sat here like half an hour now debating to just delete this entire thing amp x B OK I just had to write that I need it I guess I need someone else to hear it I'm sorry Like I said just delete it fits bad I don't want to hurt anyone I just needed to write that down These subjects ya know no one will let you talk about them, They tell me to be grateful like I'm not or they make up excuses and leave I don't like this either I'm sorry amp x B amp x B |
French | Je pense que je suis prêt à mourir Eh bien, je suis à peu près prêt à le faire, j'ai essayé de lutter contre mon anxiété de toutes les manières imaginables, la thérapie de la TCC et maintenant les médicaments Tout ce que mes médicaments ont fait pour moi est de tuer ma libido, de transformer ma mémoire en merde et de détruire mes compétences sociales. |
English | Trying to help a friend far, far away reincarnation is in a bad place right now His classmates at Uni have essentially abandoned him His classwork isn't going well I want to help him He intends to end it in a few days As a person who put my hand out for him, I feel responsible for his well-being Can you help |
French | Juste besoin d'obtenir cette tenue a été au moins sept ans depuis que je suis sérieusement suicidaire, mais je le sens revenir, je vis dans la dépression constante et l'anxiété, j'essaie de faire toutes les bonnes choses, des réunions de soutien Conseiller exercice, manger des activités de sommeil droit avec des amis, des livres d'auto-assistance, mais au fond je suis toujours si brisé, je renonce à l'espoir que je peux jamais aller mieux, je suis tellement fatigué de me battre. |
English | Give me a reason not to I'm failing all of my classes and life in general my friends don't care about me or my troubles and my family is disappointed in me for being depressed In general I'm a loser Have been and will be I defy you to give me one reason not to down the months supply of the four medications I'm on |
French | Parfois, j'ai l'impression que la douleur va disparaître, mais je sais que ce n'est pas à moins que je puisse trouver un moyen de la gérer, j'entre probablement dans mon garage et démarre la voiture que j'entends, c'est la meilleure façon de se suicider, mais si j'ai vraiment l'intention de me tuer, c'est garanti. |
English | Will ml of liquid Fluoxetine kill me yo F here I really want to end It all |
French | Combien de temps faut-il pour mourir d'une intoxication au monoxyde de carbone Après avoir vécu avec la dépression pendant des années et d'être suicidaire sur et hors j'ai décidé d'en finir enfin pour de vrai ce temps Il n'y a rien et personne dans ce monde qui peut me sauver ou voudrait même à La seule chose maintenant est de savoir combien de temps il faudra pour mourir de l'ancien tuyau dans la méthode d'échappement Est-il douloureux |
French | null |
French | Je ne veux pas mourir, mais je veux arrêter de vivre, je ne sais pas ce que je ressens, mais je suis fatigué d'être en vie, je souhaite juste pouvoir m'endormir et ne jamais me réveiller, je ne pense pas que je ferai quoi que ce soit, mais je souhaite juste pouvoir en finir avec tout ce que je déteste me réveiller chaque matin et réaliser que tout ce qui était bon n'était qu'un rêve et je ne pense pas que je l'atteindrai jamais. |
English | I think I'm ready to die I'm sorry To my Dad Mum Lana and Michael you all knew of my mental health problems But I always found it hard to talk about it These metal health problems even though the Psych Doctor said we need to find the root of the problem I think I already know it I think it's a mix of genetics what happened to me in Foster Care upbringing and bullying I'm tired I'm never going to escape It's a day-to-day battle even with my meds I won't be able to keep myself safe if I carry on this is getting to the place I was before I went into Hospital I'm sorry for being a burden and none of this is anyone's fault but my own I should ve jumped earlier Those daily walks Walks to the multi story car park to see if I had the courage to jump off And I finally do Maybe I'll finally be able to escape Thanks for trying to help, but I just can't be helped |
English | Rock Bottom This may be long, so I understand if you don't want to read it I m m I am a rental manager for Toyota I drive an Acura TL and I have all the amenities I could ever want I make good money and I love my job I am one semester away from receiving my Associate s in Computer Information Systems I live in a very nice place and have a lot of acquaintances Aside from my main job I also am a club DJ on the side I'm not going to mention where I DJ or which dealership I work for for the sake of people coming on here that actually know me all I will say is I live in North Central Massachusetts I've suffered from depression for as many years as I can count I have come to the realization that the reason I have gone relationship to relationship looking for happiness was because my parents divorced during the period where I was mentally conscious enough to know what's going but at the same time be very impressionable Now because of that I have found many great relationships and when everything is going perfect I find a way to fuck it up I go looking for trouble I start arguments I have cheated and seen people behind their backs I hated what I knew I was going to become in the second half of the relationship Then when it's all said and done and I'm alone again I sit and cry and regret I avoided relationships for this sole reason then one day I met her We fell in love after talking dating for a while I knew she was the one, and I planned to remember that for the rest of my life by asking her out on my birthday March a choice I now regret Her birthday is July so when everyone is supposed to be celebrating I'll be weeping March is when we marked the official start to our relationship Things were great, and I ended up back in my old ways I cheated on her, She never forgave me nor did I expect her too As of September this year she ended it with me, I cheated back in July which I regret every single day of my life I've gone through pain I've lived in my car dealt drugs to pay rent slept on floors and in parking lots I've been through much more than I want to tell anyone I fell out with my family thankfully I'm back in their lives now but from I was lost I met her, and it changed I couldn't remember in all honestly when I was ever really happy before her, I'm not talking about oh wake up stressed out about bills but still put on a smile happy I am talking about romantic novel notebook the movie unicorns and shitting rainbows type of happy I couldn't believe it Now she s gone and all I have is memories of that happiness replaying over and over and over My professional life has been ever decreasing My work performance at Toyota is dwindling I'm late for work every day, and I am simply not engaged at all when I am there I have cut down my DJing to nonexistence I was once doing maybe gigs a month and loving it not I barely do and when I do, I hate it I hate being up in my booth seeing all these couples on the floor having a good time How do I show them a good time when I myself am torn inside I've been neglecting my car I am falling behind on maintenance and even cleaning it My grades have gone down the drain I haven't passed in more than assignments per class this semester I was on the Dean s List with my GPA last semester now I have no academic standing My health is falling too I am doing a lot of cocaine now and drinking nonstop I have been drinking every single night since she left in September I have a Discover Amex and other MC VS cards that I am running up to fuel my self-destruction I've hit rock bottom Reddit You are the first guys to hear this my best friend doesn't know about it at least my best guy friend She became my real best friend after we started dating every second with her was magic I went from making fun of romantic comedies and chick flicks to living in one and I couldn't believe how AMAZING it felt I just found out tonight what I have been hoping never to find out She's exclusively talking to a new guy within a month One of my good female friends who's always tried looking out for me with her broke the news to me tonight I have a lot of connections with a lot of underground people I asked about picking up a gun and it's really not as much as I thought it would be I have acted out so many times now how I would do it I would leave her a short voicemail brief and to the point I would park my car in her driveway Then I would blow my brains out Now that this information has come to light I am more inclined to follow through I honestly am sick of waking up with hangovers Waking up exhausted and groggy Going to bed at night with tears and waking up to more tears The only time I let myself go now and can come close to faking a smile is when I'm drunk I want to do it in her driveway to let her know what she's driven me to I'm scared to do it Will it hurt and how long will it take for the bullet to cease all my bodily functions What's the afterlife like I don't know what to do |
English | If the girl my best friend is going to ask out says yes then there's no reason to live anymore Literally the only person I have in this entire world is my best friend and on Friday he's going to ask one of his coworkers out on a date If she says yes then we won't be able to hang out any more I'm a lesbian but he comes over two or three times a week and sleeps over because he lives out of town and it's a bit of a commute to get to school and work We're really close I consider him my brother and I know he thinks of me the same way but both of us know how girls are If he starts dating this girl she's not going to allow him to see me or even talk to me much I haven't told him any of this but I've been depressed and suicidal for my entire life It s gotten to be so normal for me that I'm an expert at hiding it I was adopted by a family who later abandoned me and now wants nothing to do with me, I got into contact with my biological family last year but they are messed up beyond repair and quite honestly I hate them Just last night my alcoholic birth mother called me up and informed me how she relapsed for the seventh time that week broke her wrist somehow she thinks she may have punched something and then fell asleep with a lit cigarette and later woke up on fire She spent two months in the burn unit and was then allowed to return to her apartment My biological sister is a convicted felon my older brother is chronically homeless and my younger biological brother lives with my adoptive family and doesn't want to speak to me As for me my life is turned around but there is no joy in it because I have nobody to share it with I am in college earn decent grades live on my own have a job but it's empty The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my friend but once he s gone there's no reason not to do it I might end up having a superficially great future but deep down there will be nothing to it, I don't have medical insurance, so I can't get on antidepressants or get much needed treatment for my thyroid disease I can go days without eating yet still somehow manage to gain weight All I ever want to do is sleep Anyway if she says yes after he moves all his things out of my place and returns his key yes we're that close I'm going to do it I'm so tired and life hurts so much |
English | I feel like I can't get through the day Sorry if this is rambling I'm waiting for counselling and it hasn't started I live alone, and I just don't know what else to do I recently broke up with my boyfriend having issues at work, and financially I don't want to go into them further right now The only person I feel safe enough to talk to about my thoughts are my ex but I know reaching out to him will upset him deeply, and he might see it as an attempt to get him back or something like to manipulate him I'm just so alone, and I feel like I can't make it through the day |
English | Thinking out loud What if this is all there is It seems stupid to continue living if it doesn't matter anyway Just death one way or another Work and university why does it matter It just feels like life is worthless if it s spent paying off debt Can't even decide what I want to do with my life I don't feel anything Maybe I could take a few days off of work, but then I won't get paid I won't have money for my car for my school loans etc. maybe I could take off of school but then I risk losing scholarships and losing my family s respect I think I'm just selfish |
English | Numb How do you open yourself back up when you're emotionally numb |
English | I hope you all find your happiness one day m a year-old girl who over the past year has been silently coming onto this page every time I wanted to die this is my first time posting I moved back home from college after my freshman year I'm supposed to be a junior but i ve only been able to do school part-time from home so i m behind on credits I have a job that I like I have a few close friends but they all live hours away I have a loving family mental illness destroys me every day I was diagnosed with severe OCD at age i ve been depressed since I was I have extreme anxiety and difficulty regulating my emotions which combined with the obsessive nature of the OCD results in obsessions with boys and relationships that usually end up collapsing there really aren't words to describe the complicated nature of my mental illness or the indescribable pain that it had caused me throughout my life if you re in this sub though i m sure you understand I want to be in love more than anything in the world a year ago I met a boy who I connected with like nobody else he couldn't be in a relationship with me and when we broke it off I had to be hospitalized for a few months I got out and found healing but we reconnected, and he broke it off again that was in March since then i ve had two different brief relationships but those failed too I kept coming back to him, i ve never felt close to somebody like I did with him a few months ago he moved across the country we kept checking up on each other every month today I found out that he has a girlfriend I lost it again and I guess I had just lost it one too times his patience ran out his empathy was gone he told me he never wants to speak again and that if I contact him again he will block me his tone was angry and apathetic like i ve never heard and I know that he means what he says I can't fathom a possible life that I want to live I don't have the energy to pursue passions im surviving but every few weeks I have an episode that inhibits functioning for a couple of days until I can pull myself together I have no joy no friends no imaginable future i m miserable here but i m terrified to change my mind torments me it never shuts off tonight after my family goes to sleep I want to slit my wrists in the bathtub I know you have to hit the radial artery and I think I can do it i ve had to get stitches on my wrists before I want it to end I want this pain to go away I have been hanging on for so long and i m so exhausted he kept me here I have a message written out for him nothing manipulative just telling him thanks for everything and that i m sorry If you read all of this I appreciate that I've read so many of your stories, and they always make me cry I hate that so much of us are in so much pain and I hope that we can find our happiness one day |
French | Si seulement il y avait des outils pratiques pour le suicide Si seulement j'avais une arme à feu Si seulement j'avais une falaise pratique Je pourrais conduire ma voiture sans blesser personne d'autre Si seulement j'avais un couteau de chasse assez pointu Si seulement je suis si fatigué d'être déclenché par la même chose qui se répète Je suis si fatigué d'être patient et gentil et de comprendre et de demander gentiment quand tout ce que je reçois est à nouveau la même réaction |
French | Peut-être que c'est stupide, mais je suppose que c'est comme avoir besoin de mettre de l'ordre dans vos affaires Eh bien, il y a quelques choses dans ma maison que je dois emballer et étiqueter correctement car je ne veux pas que mes parents les trouvent et c'est ce qui m'empêche de faire ça et je ne veux pas blesser ma famille ou mon ex. |
English | Please someone help me m a nuisance to those around me and I'm not getting help I've tried I've really tried but nothing s working My best friend stopped responding to me my therapist canceled appointments on me and my dad has a break-down when I bring it up Suicide prevention left me on hold for minutes and never answered My first post here even went ignored If these aren't signs I don't know what is |
English | I hate my body hate my stretchmarks acne scars I'm so flawed, and it hurts I have no problem with any of these things on other people but somehow with me, it's a problem I feel like I don't deserve to exist Like I can't be happy unless my skin is smooth hairless with flat belly I hate it and have troubles changing clothes before physical education in front of others I hate it so much it makes me cry I've gained weight after starting to eat normal I ate very little before and can't stop blaming myself for having stretchmarks I want to be born again so I can get a completely new skin Unfortunately I inherited skin problems, and it makes me want to die I feel like the worst most unlovable hideous person in the entire world I hate it so, so much I want to crawl out of my skin and die in a corner I've posted this on r body acceptance but my post was removed, and I was advice to post on body dissatisfaction but there can't be any mention of wanting to die so now I'm posting here It's not urgent I'm just sad Those are just my thoughts and feelings I wouldn't kill myself |
English | I'm a bad person an idiot and a failure I am M and have nothing Going to end everything tonight It dawned on me that I am an evil awful person I am also a failure I have to go to Court Wednesday for texting while driving AND not wearing a seatbelt I can't pay it I have to see a judge I may lose my license and become homeless I can't live anymore that's why I am overdosing tonight I already wrote my note |
English | I want to be Happy If I can't be happy I'd rather be dead I just feel like giving up There's not a reason for me to be here any longer than I already have I'm just a waste of space and a failure I've tried killing myself twice this year and I want to do it again, but I feel so discouraged that I'll probably just fail again I've been trying to get myself back together but the more I try to piece myself the more I start to realize what I'm missing and there's this void and I just can't seem to fill It's agonizing I don't want to feel like this I don't want to have thoughts I'm just so lost I don't have any reason to live I feel forced to live I'm not satisfied with who I am I don't want to be in this skin I tried getting into relationships to try and fill that void maybe even give myself a reason to live but it doesn't change anything feels I'm just distracting myself from the pain by engaging with others At this point school doesn't worry me family doesn't worry me my future doesn't worry me Nothing does nothing give me that desire to do to act or just live I can't stand to be alone I hate loneliness I'm the worst person I could possibly be with I don't know how to live I don't know how to be human I just want to know what can I do to be like my old self productive happy content hardworking optimistic willing to live who was so satisfied with life and seemed to have it all figured out Truly I want to die but being forced to live forces me to be a better version of myself and I want to be content with that version And if I can't what point is there to living |
French | J'ai l'impression que personne ne peut m'entendre Je me sens tellement dégoûtant Je suis en train de trouver des moyens de me faire du mal Je suis en train de me faire du mal Je suis en train de me faire du mal Je suis en train de me faire du mal Je suis en train de me faire du mal Je suis en train de me faire du mal Je suis en train de me faire du mal Je suis en train de me faire du mal |
French | Pourquoi ne comprennent-ils pas quand vous confiez à quelqu'un que vous aimez que vous êtes suicidaire pourquoi sont-ils en colère esquivant lointain Est-ce arrivé à quelqu'un d'autre Il ne fait que me pousser à vouloir le faire encore plus Il ne pouvait pas se soucier moins si je suis mort |
French | null |
English | I want to kill myself but I'm afraid of death really dislike me I've been told countless times that I'm not smart that I'm not pretty that I'm fat how I've got no personality and how I was a mistake Even though these words are small they're like millions of paper cuts that keep on attacking never getting time to heal because I keep on getting cut Being Asian is hard because of the stereotypes that we're all good at school and docile submissive which I really hate but coming from an Asian immigrant army family was really hard for me having to constantly move around so you never got to make proper friends or have memories of your childhood and I missed out on a lot of school, so I was always behind on class making people think I was dumb slow During high school I got bullied I didn't have a lot of friends even then all my friends were all popular, so I was just left behind I always wondered why was it the way I looked the way I talked I don't know Even though I moved schools it was the same I felt like an outcast especially because I was an Asian who wasn't good at school later during senior year I tried to prove people wrong I studied really hard got lots of tuition and everything and passed with one of the highest grades in my class But once I entered college everything went down hill I got hospitalized and missed a few weeks of school I wasn't able to take the courses I wanted which lead me to not doing well Also because I moved to a new school I didn't know any of the people that went so it was hard in class because I didn't know anybody they all had there friendship groups already so that really intimidated me So during college I was going through a lot always failing all the exams and tests my parents kept getting emails telling them I failed which lead to problems in the house everything kept falling apart cause of me my mom and dad got sicker cause of me I wasn't close to my sibling, so I can't talk to them my friends have their own problems to deal with I mean I've talked to them about my suicidal thoughts and stuff but as exams got closer they were stressed out themselves, so I couldn't talk to anyone it felt like I had no one I had gone through a terrible breakup during this time I really needed him but he couldn't be there and kept blowing me off he knew about my problems with my family but wasn't there for me when I needed him the most so when I broke it off with him my heart got ripped out of me because he was the only one I knew would be there for me but it didn't last which completely broke me Not only was I having problems with my mental health my family I had lost him as well I really feel like I've lost everything right after the breakup I had my finals and I wasn't able to concentrate on anything l I couldn't do anything but sleep in my bed because it was too hard to face the world without him this caused me to completely fail all my exams Now that I've failed I've disappointed my family and friends I lost the one I love I have nothing I'm a hollow shell of a person I'm too emotionally drained to carry on living I'm tired of waking up too screams and insults I'm tired of the judging eyes of my teachers' family relatives friends society All I want to do is leave this world but I'm too scared of what's going to happen after I die where do I go will I stay in utter darkness while life keeps on moving I've tried and tired to kill myself but fail every time when I was I put a knife to my neck to kill myself when I was I sat on the edge of my windowsill, so I could kill myself later during my teenage years I kept trying to kill myself by choking myself with a handkerchief, but I always failed because I was scared of death I still have that handkerchief I feel so alone and mentally drained When I try to give myself time to take care of myself everything goes wrong I can't do this any more I want to end it but I'm so scared I don't know what to do anymore with my life |
French | Je sais que je dois travailler aussi dur que je peux pour contribuer et être quelqu'un que les gens veulent avoir autour de moi J'ai fait des progrès mais je ne suis pas là, pourtant je suis toujours quelqu'un qui peut être si seul J'ai jamais vu tant d'autres personnes qui ont quelqu'un pour s'occuper d'eux et ils peuvent s'en soucier |
English | I planned my suicide Here s how No one deserves my attention But you do deserve a blade straight through your neck hmm Well I am going to be killing myself in days I am going to leave a note to everyone explaining how much I hate them Then take a taxi ride to a nearby lake or so and drown myself That simple ISN'T THAT FUN |
English | Overdose chances Anyone know my chances of survival if I just take like different pills at once Will I die or become a vegetable Any info appreciated |
French | Je suis prêt à partir Je me suis senti mal aimé et indésirable J'ai finalement pris une décision sur ce qu'il faut faire Cela peut sembler une façon étrange d'aller, mais j'ai mes graines de pruche par la poste et je vais me saouler et prendre toutes les graines en même temps Je voulais juste vous dire merci pour tout votre soutien |
English | I might kill myself soon can't do this any more I'm just and I can't deal with this any more I don't fit in anywhere not even with the weirdos Life is meaningless to me and the only things keeping me alive is my art and family but I'm disappointing my family, and I am losing motivation to draw My life doesn't fucking matter I'm a piece of shit I wish I had a gun to end my life God knows I deserve it |
English | I could have graduated this week, but I ruined all my chances this is it for me, I'm doing it ve been struggling with depression and social phobia for the last years and although suicidal thoughts have been recurrent this is the first time when I feel committed to it, I have to hand in my graduation thesis by this Friday but I have not been able to type more than words these last months I am stuck at my parents house because of the outbreak, and they have already told me that if I don't graduate they will not pay for me to return to college next year just to complete my thesis because they do not believe I will be able to The thought of having to drop out when I only have this one thing left makes me cry every time as I've always had a lot of pressure regarding academics Even if I typed constantly for hours I will probably fail anyway as I have not kept in touch with my tutor due to my social phobia making it almost impossible for me to reach out even less when it's by email and this communication is a very big part of our grade This may sound like a stupid reason for ending it all but honestly when all your life revolves around academics, and you know that you will lose all the opportunities that were waiting for you after graduation the future just seems like a dark void of nothingness I think that all this time I had just been looking for a good reason to actually kill myself and right now all I can think about is how big of a failure as a person I am Even my therapist has been pressuring me to finish my thesis and graduate and then focus on my problems during summer but I just cannot deal with all this pressure and all the negative thoughts that have been stopping me from being productive this last year So yeah I am ashamed, but this is it Hopefully I can make this stop the fastest way possible Thank you for reading this, and sorry for taking up your time You all deserve the best |
French | Raisons de ne pas arrêter de lutter avec des pensées ok je déteste habituellement ces sortes de choses en postant se plaindre et ainsi de suite mais je n'ai personne pour parler à l'IRL au sujet de ces sortes de pensées il a été la construction et la construction au cours des derniers mois le sentiment de ne pas m'ennuyer je ne peux pas m'exciter à propos de quoi je ne me soucie pas de trouver l'amour ou de bien faire à l'université |
French | Je suis prêt pensé que je me retenais de me tuer parce que je voulais tout mettre en place pour les gens que j'aime, mais je ne m'en soucie plus, je sais qu'ils vont tout comprendre, ce sera difficile, mais ils sont forts, je ne peux plus le faire, je suis prêt à mettre fin à toute la douleur et la souffrance, les cauchemars, les attaques de panique, l'agonie interne constante, je suis engourdi et je suis prêt. |
French | Je veux juste mourir Je ne sais pas quoi faire J'ai été déprimé depuis le collège à cause de mon père Tout ce dont je me soucie Je me soucie de mes notes Il me dit et tout le monde qu'il veut me voir Je veux mourir parce que je ne veux pas que je sois un échec Alors que ce n'était pas pour moi Ma mère m'aurait toujours aimé Je m'en soucie de savoir ce que j'ai aimé |
French | Blades et cicatrices J'aime ma collection de couteaux J'ai déjà accidentellement coupé mes paumes et mes doigts assez de fois pour avoir gagné quelques cicatrices depuis que j'aime jouer avec eux Je ne me soucie pas bien sûr Chose normale de voir de petites coupures sur vos mains Pas grand chose Mais récemment, j'ai voulu le faire exprès La piqûre du métal en dessous de ma peau Je ne peux pas exactement l'aimer Je ne veux pas me sentir |
English | Of man river said it best I get weary and so sick of trying I'm tired of living but I m feared of dying I'm scared to live I'm scared to die I feel guilty I'm anxious I'm sad I'm tired I'm so tired |
French | J'ai quitté mon lycée normal il y a deux jours Je suis entré dans mon université de rêve avec une bourse d'études complète après une année et demie vraiment difficile J'ai quitté mon lycée normal il y a un an et demi Je suis parti il y a un an et demi Je suis parti il y a un an et demie Je suis parti il y a un an et demie Je suis parti il y a un an et demie |
French | Je suis si putain fatigué d'être ignoré et mal aimé Les gens sont faux comme baise par en gros J'ai eu cela prouvé encore et encore dans mes années sur cette terre de merde Les attitudes et les boiteux Nous nous soucions quand la vérité est que c'est juste pour se sentir mieux D'autre part, j'ai réellement pris soin des gens et investi du temps et des efforts à être là mais je pourrais pour d'autres que je ne peux pas être |
English | I have to kill myself can't take my thoughts anymore Spending two years being suicidal is hell on earth I've been ang sting over whether I should try to get help again but I just know it will fail horribly again I just need to overcome my fear of death and not fail this time I'm so close I can almost taste it is s the only thing in this life that I need to succeed at As the old saying goes you had one job The other problem is that I keep bouncing between methods I've collected a menagerie of suicidal implements Hopefully this will be my last post but I'm terrible at succeeding If at first you don't succeed try again |
French | Un peu envie de sauter se sentir vraiment seul et comme un échec que je ne peux pas surmonter quelqu'un que je ne peux plus être avec et il prend un péage sur moi, je suis sur le septième étage de mon immeuble je sais que je pourrais survivre que mais je suis fatigué de sentir de cette façon, j'ai pris l'écran par la fenêtre, mais j'ai toujours peur de le faire |
English | My father makes me feel suicidal He tells me that I'm worthless that I'm living in a dream world That if I sit on the sofa in the living room one more time he'll kick me out I just wish the pain could disappear but as long as I'm stuck in this hell I never will Even my mother has given up on me So much pressure and stress I have to do well in school I have to get a driver s license I have to stay normal My father will later act nice and apologize and hug me then he starts doing this again The worst thing is how humiliating and shameful it made me feel I had to sit in my room while he was saying all those things with barely any clothes on you know how much that hurt |
French | La pire année de ma vie Tout droit sortie d'un cauchemar Je ne peux même pas expliquer Je ne veux pas vivre un autre jour Pas une autre nuit sans sommeil |
English | Long term prep feel bizarre posting this It's been a very hazy week Just weeks ago I began mentally planning I've never thought like this while having a clear head and nothing substances etc. to distort my thinking I have been working overtime paying off personal debts thinking of letters to write things to prepay, so there is no financial burden afterward cleaning and a bit of mini purging, so there is no mess or lots of stuff When I start mentally planning throughout the work day I've become calmer energetic and more productive When I come home I completely shut down back into my haze I don't have a solid date just a process to make it as tidy simple well-prepared and considerate as possible And also to ensure that it's not an impulsive act giving my self time while I sort things out I want to soak up the Summer heat a bit since we get long winters My birthday is the end of August, so I was contemplating the day after I'm not settled on anything and just feel so out-of-body typing this |
French | J'ai dit à mes deux meilleurs amis comment je me sentais, et leur réaction était comme suit ami m'a dit qu'il ressentait réellement la même chose et avait pensé que j'aurais pu ressentir la même chose au cours des derniers mois, mais je n'ai pas donné de conseils, mais cela m'a fait sentir que j'ai été réconforté. |
French | Je sais que je ne peux pas attendre plus longtemps si je ne me tue pas maintenant ma vie va juste empirer et pire j'espère vraiment que je peux juste me tuer déjà je ne veux pas continuer à souffrir autant tout le temps |
English | On the verge of giving up I feel like I could take myself anytime It began when I was Now I am on the verge of giving up I don't have anything left and unless something magically happen I think I will run out money for food in or weeks It's not that I don't try I do my best over the years but keep failing It seems all things are there to bring me down One by one all important people left my life The urge to end my life is now stronger than ever I literally think about it like I keep questioning my sanity and I think I could just suddenly end it all I am scared and anxious But I still wonder what to do next Well what now |
French | Je ne veux pas aller mieux Je veux mourir Je ne peux pas me voir jamais être heureux ou content de toute façon Même si je me suis remis de mon anxiété sociale a obtenu un bon travail déplacé dans un nouveau pays si les amis et la famille avaient eu un partenaire avait une belle maison et des passe-temps épanouis Même alors je serais toujours déprimé et vide Je pourrais être moins déprimé mais ça ne s'arrêterait pas Je suis fatigué d'essayer d'obtenir de l'aide ou d'ouvrir à quelqu'autres |
French | J'abandonne ce qu'il pourrait y avoir à vivre Nommez-le Je ne peux pas penser à une seule chose |
French | Fais que ce cerveau orageux ne fonctionne plus comme avant Je n'ai plus d'autorité sur moi-même Ce n'est jamais assez Pas de tranquillité d'esprit, c'est juste go go go |
English | So that's my peers graduating All over social media about the brave ones who stepped into the NHS to help during COVID and then there's me who's completely slipped through the net forgotten about like my hard work and achievements over the past years never happened All because I couldn't step in to help after having to take some time off because of my mental health No one truly gives a toss and every waking second is a living nightmare I'm trapped because even if I were to continue living on I'll forever be the person who didn't assist in tackling the COVID pandemic My time is running out fast |
English | Emptiness So I was with this girl she is fun makes me feel good and everything The problem appeared months ago after a misunderstanding we started to go separate ways She started seeing another guy and some weeks ago the guy cheated on her, I thought that would be our chance to start rebuilding what we had she gave me hope that we could be together but she told me we would need to wait Finals were coming and starting it again could have been a distraction we both couldn't afford Finals passed and the day after it, she didn't spoke to me, she just runs to the guy who cheated on her, I was angry and told her how she made me feel then she told me they are seeing each other for some weeks and she didn't wanted a relationship with me Right now I'm feeling worse than a piece of shit I just want NASA to hire me so I can live in ISS and I won't be obligated to look at people s face for the rest of my life I really don't know what to do but killing myself is one of the options I am seriously taking into account I don't know I just want the pain to go away and leave me here in my bedroom alone in the dark |
English | Shutting down It feels like something is wrong with my body I could probably stay on the floor or in bed until I starve and die I've lost my appetite completely and I can't taste anything any more My body feels extremely heavy like I'm on a shit tonne of Seroquel I'm not and it keeps flipping between not sleeping or not being able to stay awake The only thing I have is metal but I don't even deserve it I should crawl out to the middle of fucking nowhere and starve and dehydrate and rot I don't mean anything to anyone Then again I guess that's a lie People definitely hate me Guess I'm just giving them what they want |
English | I want to kill myself by the time I m I can't live my life all alone Literally nothing makes me happy I don't have real friends A man will never love me They will always just find someone better I need a man s love No one wants to date me I am damaged goods I'm not smart School will not save me Therapy will not save me Hobbies will not save me I will not save me I hate my ex I hate his bitch ass I hate him for breaking my heart a second and then third time Only hitting me up when he was bored lonely or horny Making promises to me that he couldn't keep And now acting like I don't exist again Fuck you Fuck your little teenybopper girlfriend A year old dating a year old how nice Now you have a teenager basically to support financially LMAO good luck I guess I'm too old for you, We met when I was and now I'm too fucking old Fuck her Pussy hoe I hope she gives you pubic lice |
English | OK so I tried hanging myself and it didn't work No matter how much pressure I try to put on my arteries all I feel is the explosive head sensation but won't black out WTF The one thing I want in life and I can't accomplish it But I have to say it feels peaceful to do this maybe if I keep trying one time I'll get the right spot This is what my whole life has been building up to This is my destiny I can feel it |
French | Pendant longtemps, je peux dire que j'ai vécu ma vie à la recherche d'une raison de me tuer Amis de la rupture de la famille que vous l'appelez Je ne savais pas qu'un jour je croisrais peut-être avec ce petit virus appelé HSV ou simplement connu sous le nom d'herpès, je ne peux pas essayer de me dire que ce n'est pas la fin je ne veux pas finir ta vie mais être honnête. |
French | Je veux me tuer Pour moi, il n'y a rien ici Je n'ai personne qui m'aime vraiment Pas de famille sur laquelle se rabattre Pas d'endroit où appeler le mien J'ai toujours été une statistique pour commencer Pourquoi suis-je en vie si je suis inutile Je ne peux même pas fonctionner dans cette société C'est inutile et je suis un t e m y s e l f |
French | Les sentiments perdus m pas permis de penser qu'il fucks je ne devrais même pas le sentir I March pour vous, je prie pour vous, je m'inquiète pour les gens comme vous mais qui s'inquiète pour moi et comment je me sens comme vous Think like you Wish je n'ai pas eu à penser à quoi que ce soit du tout |
English | I ask for help and no one takes it seriously never mind |
English | I'm just a coward wish I had the courage to end it is s so easy to die I could be dead in a matter of minutes It's the obvious solution In an instant I'm no longer a burden No one has to worry about me or pay for my therapy or spend time with me out of pity Everyone wins But I can't bring myself to do what I know is right |
English | Anyone else from the UK here M Been seriously struggling recently Is there anyone else from the UK here Don't care about gender age background etc. Just looking for someone to talk to To Vent discuss our situations and support each other |
English | I m about m a very talkative person and really enjoy spilling my thoughts to other people but this is a topic I find hard to bring out when I m with people I care about so I decided to go anonymous I don't want to go overly into detail but I'm an average y o male college student who didn't go through any apparent hardships in life I have a loving family although my parents divorced was finishing high school so I was old enough that it didn't negatively impact me and plenty of supportive friends I enjoyed life traveled a lot got into a few relationships and experienced things many people can't or need much longer to But I have an extremely strong urge to die Whenever I'm alone I can't help but to feel a strong pressure in my chest area If I were to describe it, it feels like that anxiety of asking a girl out for the first time but much more negative Although I haven't been examined by a psychiatrist about it though I've been asked to come to a meeting after a school mental health test which I just went to and told them I'm perfectly okay while denying anything they the at me, I can clearly guess it's just the feeling of depression This feeling keeps telling me to just end everything because it's the only way to make it go away To battle the urge I started cutting myself on the leg It helps although temporarily because it gives me the feeling that I actually am killing myself although I'm not since I'm not cutting any important veins which helps ease the pressure It also makes me feel better the next few days because it makes me feel like I'm healing The reason this is only a temporary solution is that like a drug it slowly loses its effectiveness after a few times I began cutting more and deeper to make up for it First few times I basically just scraped the skin now I'm cutting the flesh under it, I've basically become numb to physical pain at this point I mean I still feel pain but I simply don't care any more My depression has been going on since about high school so about years already I lasted until now because I kept finding some kind of motivation to continue despite my situation But right now I don't have any motivation and I don't care if I don't wake up tomorrow I have enough of this feeling and constant bickering but at the same time I'm smart enough to know this isn't some easy decision you can go back on so when I do it I want to be absolutely sure and resolute So I've decided to basically set up an exact timer of my death based on how my life is going I bought small glass vials and whenever I'm feeling the urge to the point of absolutely needing to cut myself I fill with my blood I'll kill myself once I fill all months since I came up with this idea have been filled If I'd have to guess a number I'd say that at this pace I have about more months to live To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about that because at the moment I feel like I won't even last the weekend but this ritual I've set up for myself will at least prevent me from doing anything extremely rash However it will guarantee my will once I do fill I'm not sure what exactly I'm expecting to come out of this post but if nothing else it's a good look through my own thoughts as I write it out I welcome any kind of feedback even if it s against the rules just send a pm if you managed to go through all that text I just find it funny how everyone I meet mentions how positive and cheerful I am Even my current girlfriend says that one of the things that attracted her most is my positive vibe Which is the exact opposite of what I really am I just feel like I'm compensating for something I lack when I m with others by putting on a fake mask and pretending to be someone I'm not They say I'm confident and extroverted but in reality I'm extremely insecure and can't deal with disappointment at all |
English | Ending my life seems like an easy way to fix my problems killing myself seems like a good way to fix all my problems and end all my joys today has been the hardest day to not kill myself as I was ready to do it but stopped because someone messaged me on steam my only joy right now is being on TeamSpeak w people overall right now I have no reasons to live have a good day lads Lt |
French | Je ne peux pas m'arrêter de me sentir de cette façon, mais je VEUX tellement déplacé pour le travail J'ai un bon travail avec de bons collègues de travail dès la sortie du collège J'ai un grand appartement dans une grande communauté J'ai une petite dette d'étudiant J'ai mon propre véhicule personnel sans paiements et je ne peux pas me permettre le calme et beaucoup de divertissement sur le côté Si vous avez perdu ma vie de l'extérieur, vous penserez que j'ai |
French | Au cours des derniers jours, j'ai progressivement commencé à me sentir de pire en pire, ce qui m'a amené à vouloir le dire parce que je ne peux plus le gérer, je ne veux plus le faire, mais je ne vois pas les choses s'améliorer, je ne veux pas en parler à ma petite amie parce que je me sens vraiment exclu d'elle, je ne me suis jamais senti aussi bas dans ma vie. |
French | J'ai pris trop de pilules pour dormir, je reçois des messages haineux de mes parents, mais je ne peux pas réagir et je me noie de colère et d'injustice, je vais me poignarder à mort maintenant, je suis tellement déprimé que je n'ai pas le pouvoir de me couper les poignets. |
French | Je pense que je vais me tuer bientôt Tu es le bienvenu |
French | Fatigué de tout moyen Mes notes sont mauvaises, nous re-planifions pour l'année junior RN aussi si mes notes ne montent pas, je serai toujours en deuxième année, je n'ai pas de travail et même si j'ai de bonnes caractéristiques, les mauvaises me font mal mais c'est tout le temps que je déteste que mes actions affectent d'autres personnes, je suis aussi trans et même si je n'ai pas besoin d'une transition. |
French | Si vous pouvez demander de l'aide vous êtes obtenir quelque part m écrire ceci dans la salle d'urgence Il y a quelques choses que je veux vous dire si vous relire Il y a environ deux semaines, j'étais dans l'urgence parce que j'ai essayé de me pendre aujourd'hui Je suis ici parce que je savais mon envie de sauter de ce parking à plusieurs niveaux Je suis encore trop fort Je suis tellement tenté |
French | Un autre jour pense que je pourrais avoir les couilles pour le faire bientôt je suis bipolaire je vis juste dans ma tête toute la journée tout le monde me déteste je déteste cette merde il n'y a rien à attendre j'attends juste que l'horloge pour cocher jusqu'à ce que le jour soit fini juste pour le lendemain pour recommencer heureux l'ennui que je marche mon chien et je travaille et j'essaie d'amener les gens à faire quelque chose avec moi comme aller chercher de la nourriture |
French | Peur de l'avenir désolé si je ne parle pas bien l'anglais, j'ai des années et je vis en Autriche, j'ai peur de l'avenir à cause de la couronne et de l'école, j'aimerais avoir des cours à l'école, mais faire mes devoirs à la maison est vraiment difficile pour moi, j'oublie la plupart du temps de faire des devoirs, je n'ai pas la motivation que j'ai |
French | Désolé pour Trisha les gars espèrent que vous faites bien IDK plus à propos de quoi que ce soit C'est un compte à rebours et c'est difficile pour moi de communiquer ce qui se passe dans ma tête pendant un moment C'est ma première année uni et ça ne va pas être chaud pour être honnête Dans une famille de grande classe, les gens qui sont organisés et qui sont naturellement intelligents, je ne pourrais pas être le bon gars. |
French | Je ne choisirai plus d'exister dans cette Liège ne sont pas vivants c'est un mensonge que j'ai été dépouillé de tout ce que j'ai jamais connu mais c'est ok ce n'est pas réel les voix dans ma tête me disent que ça va être ok amusez-vous sans moi, je dois procéder |
English | Life is Hard Most people won't understand the way I feel empty I feel alone I feel sad I feel useless worthless I don't feel nothing I don't even remember the last time I was happy I endured sexual abuse when I was a kid, and it messed me up terrible from people I thought had the best intentions for me, It left me with scares and Trauma I still deal with today It's effected me so much so that I have always had trouble relating and trusting people and It's always felt like I was different but really all I've always wanted was to be like everyone else I wanted to be normal I have no friends no sexual relationships or anybody to talk to It's not because I don't want to have these things it s because I m to fucking Insecure and don't feel shit for anyone I'm tired of feeling like this I'm tired of feeling like shit all the time the thought of death runs through my mind all the time the quietness and the darkness brings me some time of Satisfaction and peace I've been dealing with these feelings all my life and I just hope as I get older it gets better because I don't think I would be able to handle it for a whole lifetime Stay strong guys I LOVE YOU AND I CARE ABOUT YOU GUYS because In a weird way we all have something in common we are all Broken and damaged I'm no longer the different one |
French | Ce soir c'est la nuit où je me tue ce soir merci Reddit pour tout Bye guys |
English | Conceal usually don't care about appearing sad in front of my family I have given up trying to put on a facade They can tell by the look on my face how drained I am They probably don't fully realize that I am gone on in the inside I am so broken Life finds a way daily to show my why I should kill myself When it comes to my one friend I never let him see me sad I completely do a and try to act like my old self I don't want to appear that my life is falling apart with him, I text him and never show that I am on the edge I see it as an escape He knows nothing about how truly miserable and suicidal I am He will be the most shocked when I hang myself The surrounding environment reminds me every day of how terrible everything is Why is this happening to me, I don't want to go on |
English | Why I think being alive is bullshit and living is betrayal May I explain So your born on this planet against your will randomly and not aware of your OWN existence until your like From being an infant yrs adults and your parents tell u lies about how wonderful the world is and how special you're and basically set your mind up for disappointment later in your life up until middle and high school is free public school you have no responsibility whatsoever they pay for your books sometimes free lunch and etc. So now the child turns and is now an adult and is FORCED to survive to their own and the government drops u like a hot potato Get your shit together Oh did your parents also throw you out of their house that was once your home now that your Tough luck and TOO BAD I guess your on the streets now Diagnosed with cancer and no one gives a flying fuck Too bad Good luck finding a job with no experience that pays for your chemo AND rent college loans So basically all I'm saying is that life in this world is a painful and cruel and filled with suffering It's unfair when your diagnosed with random horrible illnesses and have no one to support u at all Why can't the world find a way to provide to everybody regardless Why can't food water and resources be split equally When we overwork like this no one can even enjoy life are we born to just work like slaves until we die I feel betrayed that I was also LIED to my whole childhood by society MY POINT IS I must live which means struggle and suffer and pretend to be okay with this cruel world when I didn't even ask to be here in the first place and then if anyone finds out you want to die OR that you have attempted suicide your CRAZY and HOW Dare YOU Do That Look my BIGGEST question is why TF would people want to be here on this planet if it's a pile of cruel steaming misleading shit I deeply appreciate any responses Sorry about the long essay I really need to get this off my chest |
English | I feel like I'm wasting everyone s time and space m currently years old and lbs kg I'm Fat I know I've dealt with weight issues my entire life constantly getting berated by my family for as long as I can remember I've tried a lot of weight loss plans throughout my life but to no avail I always seem to lose motivation after a couple of weeks My weight always seems to be the hot topic at every family gathering which made me self-conscious about my weight and very quiet at family gatherings Everyone in my family constantly gives me tips on how to lose weight but none of them worked for me and hearing them for the the time really irritated me I know at the end of the day my family means well, and they wish the best for me but making fun of me and making me feel unwanted trying to make me lose fat is really putting me down Over a decade of this has leaded me to be depressed and any discussion of weight makes me go silent It has gotten to the point where going to family gatherings is torture for me and I have to put on a fake smile for everyone there even hearing my parents talk make me want to rip my ears out Today my parents were explaining heart attacks to me and what causes them Not only do I know how heart attacks work from schooling but they also explain this concept to me very frequently I suddenly snapped and shouted I don't want to hear this shit My dad slaps me for cursing, and I shout I rather die than listen to this My father quickly responds with Why don't you hurry up and do it already My mother jumps in and tells me that I'm a smart ass and that I think I know everything They call me a spoiled brat and leave the room Now in my room crying I thought about what I said and I've decided that maybe I do want to die especially since I can't stand my family members anymore and they can't stand me either I thought about what my parents said especially my father s I'm also currently failing college right now so maybe I am a spoiled brat and don't know how good I've got it My problem does seem very insignificant to the average person I'm sure so maybe I should just end it all |
French | null |
French | Hey les gars, je ne sais pas quand ça a commencé, je veux juste que ça se termine, je ne sais pas ce que je ressens comme si je vivais juste pour être en vie, je ne me souviens plus la dernière fois que je me suis endormi, je n'ai pas l'impression que je me suis déjà réveillé, et ça me suit le jour où le futur semble si lointain qu'il est difficile de saisir que je veux juste finir ma vie maintenant. |
French | C'est un post sur mes problèmes Les derniers mois, tout ce que j'ai fait, c'est de me plaindre de mes problèmes. Ce n'est pas quelque chose que j'avais l'habitude de faire. J'espérais que quelqu'un comprenne. Mais tout le monde ne dit rien. |
English | At random times I find life to unbearable I reach down for my foot charging cable and wrap it around my neck tightly times and just wait before I always give in to air My cowardice is too much if I gad a gun I would probably already be gone I just want to take myself from this place |
French | Qu'est-ce que je vis pour non sérieusement pourquoi je suis en vie je ne ressens rien je manque d'énergie pour au moins faire semblant d'être enthousiaste à propos de quoi que ce soit Tout cela m'ennuie maintenant et j'ai assez vu je veux juste sortir de ce cycle sans fin maintenant je pensais que je me gardais en vie pour le bien des gens dans ma vie mais ce que le genre de vie que je peux tuer vaut la peine de vivre |
French | Je suis tellement fatigué d'être en colère inutile ou triste Été en mode panne toute la journée et je suis à la recherche de mon appartement pour les endroits pour me pendre Comment la baise quelqu'un se pendre dans leur propre maison Quels appareils peuvent contenir ce genre de poids Je ne demande pas en fait, mais juste tout à fait stupéfait de la façon dont un ft placard pourrait suspendre quelqu'un J'ai essayé d'être utile aujourd'hui et mettre en place mon nouveau routeur Internet |
English | I just want someone to talk to feel like the world doesn't want me I just want to hang myself Anyone awake or free to talk or if not that's fine everyone hates me |
French | Est-ce que quelqu'un peut faire un don HTTP événements NYSE org site TR Plunge POLARPLUNGE px amp pg personal amp pour ID |
French | Je ne veux même plus RO vent m tellement fatigué d'aller chez mon thérapeute et de parler juste pour qu'elle dise les mêmes choses, je ne vois pas l'intérêt d'expliquer pourquoi je déteste ma vie à mon petit ami quand il me donne juste les mêmes réponses tristes, je ne vois pas l'intérêt de chercher des conseils si ça ne va pas aider, je veux juste me laisser souffrir jusqu'à ce que j'ai finalement le courage de me tuer. |
English | Every night When I go to sleep I pray that I don't wake up again the next morning because I am too scared to take my own life Life is hard and challenging and I hate myself for feeling that way because I know there are countless people out there who have it worse than me, yet they manage to persevere Hopefully the next life will be better |
English | I wish I was never born I hate life Everyday it feels like I'm being picked apart down to the bone Words sound hollow and empty and worthless Everything feels like it's crushing down on me and I can't fucking take it anymore For the longest time I didn't cut myself I was able to resist it for months Now I can't stop Almost everyday it feels like it gets worse and worse I can't remember whole days of my life Everything just passed by, and I can't recall any of it I've become a disappointment to my parents because I never do anything or spend time with them Even my friends don't want to spend time with me, They barely talk to me and generally ignore me The one friend I thought I would have forever is mad at me for trying to drink my pain away and not being honest with her, I wish I wasn't such a failure that I could tell her that I love her I wish she wouldn't be disgusted with me when I said it I wish I could just kill myself I never asked to be born and no matter how much I pray for death it never comes I've spent more time praying that I never awake than I wish I did I wish I was a stillborn or just wasn't even conceived Life isn't full of joys Every second is pain Every hour feels like a thousand years and yet a single second at once I wish I had the fucking balls to just kill myself I wish I wasn't such a failure that I could at least do that I just want no more pain I just want to have peace |
English | I'm getting discouraged gt This is a poem that I just wrote gt This is one of the worst days of my life gt but one of the best because I'm still alive gt I always thought things would change gt I always kept my hopes high but now it s been eight years gt, and I still want to die gt Now I come to question if it really will change gt or if I've been told this to keep me slightly alive gt My heart still is beating my lungs are still breathing gt, but the numbness of this body won't seem to cease gt My body s decaying somewhat already deceased gt The rest of me won't go gt The rest of me won't know how to give up on this life gt without help from gravity surface tension and a tall bridge gt The worst of this is getting worse I don't feel worthy of this disease I have no physical external illness to coincide It feels that I don't have much of a reason to be so sad but somehow I am I feel nearly every day that I should be better off dead |
English | Do any of you have dreams for the future What is your dream Do you have any Cause for me, it looks like all my dreams are either impossible or stupid I see no purpose in my life right now |
English | Lost humanity Anyone else feels like an insect from Kafka s metamorphosis for example Dehumanized and emotionless with insect like needs and behaviors sheer existing for whatever selfish base needs and desires must be fulfilled to be a harmless docile fiend on the hamster wheels that power the capitalist machine I realize that philosophically I'm no longer a whole person from meds isolation and apathy but I don't give a shit This makes me an terrible person and I don't give a shit I don't what to change in fact I'm getting worse but I no longer have the empathy or feelings to be compelled to change my situation as this fiendish metamorphosed shell of a person |
English | Graduation is going to be hell male here about to finish school tomorrow The title says it all You might be wondering but hey how can such a positive and life changing thing be so negative to you, You'll finally be able to seek and job and No It's not just that At least for me, it isn't For me when something I personally find dull and insignificant especially when it comes to the academics field gets so hyped up it's usually a bad sign It signifies that more demanding from me will come soon because this WILL mean I'll get even more shit for not desiring to go to the overrated shit fest that is college and everyone will contemplate me for something I just can't see the value on and since I'm not able to express myself properly in real life I might come off as rude and disrespectful if I tell them it's no big deal for me And this is the pandemonium I expect to be unleashed upon me starting from tomorrow ending God knows when I'm tired of being praised for being what I'm not and being condemned for being what I am It's like I don't exist as an individual for my family I'm just there for their entertainment to be their bragging material to fulfill their wishes just for the sake of it I've been abused ridiculed and shamed for trying to get out of this constant cycle As long as I m their punching bag it's good for them And this is no exception I want to have more meaningful achievements in life something more fulfilling than graduating from an institution I was forced to go through and gave me way more shit than I can handle But for my superficial minded family this is one of the highest you can go Maybe even more than finally getting my ass to work as I've been wanting for so long and actually do something for society If tomorrow is as bad as I think it will be I just hope I don't lose my mind in the process As much as I want to just end it all sometimes I at least hope that this post isn't going to be my suicide note I just want to do something I feel accomplished about and not have such mentally draining stuff like this as a huge chunk of my legacy |
French | Tout est trop et j'ai mal dormi vivre dans une mauvaise situation et il n'y a pas d'issue facile j'ai faim je suis pauvre je suis fatigué et je suis constamment malade je suis fâché contre moi-même et trop fatigué pour me déplacer je veux sauter le travail mais rester à la maison est pire parce que tout le monde ici me traite comme si je suis malade je suis malade je suis malade je suis malade je suis malade je suis malade je suis malade |
English | World doesn't need me can't even figure out where to start Back in my junior year if high school I was hospitalized for major depression after I attempted suicide A number of factors happened that year that caused me to do so During my senior year of high school I flunked a math class that is preventing me from getting into a university I was unemployed for a year until I found a shitty part-time job at a sandwich shop My hours are getting cut because I suck at it, I overheard my boss calling me incompetent after a co-worker was trying to help me cut bread which I suck at I'm probably going to ask for a week notice tomorrow On top of that I want to apply to a community college but I'm scared I'll fuck up like I did in high school Most of my friends have left me except a few and I have zero chance with women I promised myself I was going to buy a gun at and conceal carry after my friend saw the knife attack at Ohio State I'm now If anything like that happens to me, I won't hesitate to defend myself from a horrible death, but I also think that's how I'll end it |