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it now?” And he had hardly thought it when, somewhere near, a clock on
|
the wall, ticking away hurriedly, struck three.
|
“Aha! It will be light in an hour! Why wait? I’ll go out at once
|
straight to the park. I’ll choose a great bush there drenched with rain,
|
so that as soon as one’s shoulder touches it, millions of drops drip on
|
one’s head.”
|
He moved away from the window, shut it, lighted the candle, put on his
|
waistcoat, his overcoat and his hat and went out, carrying the candle,
|
into the passage to look for the ragged attendant who would be asleep
|
somewhere in the midst of candle-ends and all sorts of rubbish, to pay
|
him for the room and leave the hotel. “It’s the best minute; I couldn’t
|
choose a better.”
|
He walked for some time through a long narrow corridor without finding
|
anyone and was just going to call out, when suddenly in a dark corner
|
between an old cupboard and the door he caught sight of a strange object
|
which seemed to be alive. He bent down with the candle and saw a little
|
girl, not more than five years old, shivering and crying, with her
|
clothes as wet as a soaking house-flannel. She did not seem afraid of
|
Svidrigaïlov, but looked at him with blank amazement out of her big
|
black eyes. Now and then she sobbed as children do when they have been
|
crying a long time, but are beginning to be comforted. The child’s face
|
was pale and tired, she was numb with cold. “How can she have come here?
|
She must have hidden here and not slept all night.” He began questioning
|
her. The child suddenly becoming animated, chattered away in her baby
|
language, something about “mammy” and that “mammy would beat her,” and
|
about some cup that she had “bwoken.” The child chattered on without
|
stopping. He could only guess from what she said that she was a
|
neglected child, whose mother, probably a drunken cook, in the service
|
of the hotel, whipped and frightened her; that the child had broken
|
a cup of her mother’s and was so frightened that she had run away the
|
evening before, had hidden for a long while somewhere outside in the
|
rain, at last had made her way in here, hidden behind the cupboard and
|
spent the night there, crying and trembling from the damp, the darkness
|
and the fear that she would be badly beaten for it. He took her in his
|
arms, went back to his room, sat her on the bed, and began undressing
|
her. The torn shoes which she had on her stockingless feet were as
|
wet as if they had been standing in a puddle all night. When he had
|
undressed her, he put her on the bed, covered her up and wrapped her in
|
the blanket from her head downwards. She fell asleep at once. Then he
|
sank into dreary musing again.
|
“What folly to trouble myself,” he decided suddenly with an oppressive
|
feeling of annoyance. “What idiocy!” In vexation he took up the candle
|
to go and look for the ragged attendant again and make haste to go away.
|
“Damn the child!” he thought as he opened the door, but he turned again
|
to see whether the child was asleep. He raised the blanket carefully.
|
The child was sleeping soundly, she had got warm under the blanket,
|
and her pale cheeks were flushed. But strange to say that flush seemed
|
brighter and coarser than the rosy cheeks of childhood. “It’s a flush
|
of fever,” thought Svidrigaïlov. It was like the flush from drinking, as
|
though she had been given a full glass to drink. Her crimson lips were
|
hot and glowing; but what was this? He suddenly fancied that her long
|
black eyelashes were quivering, as though the lids were opening and a
|
sly crafty eye peeped out with an unchildlike wink, as though the little
|
girl were not asleep, but pretending. Yes, it was so. Her lips parted in
|
a smile. The corners of her mouth quivered, as though she were trying to
|
control them. But now she quite gave up all effort, now it was a grin,
|
a broad grin; there was something shameless, provocative in that quite
|
unchildish face; it was depravity, it was the face of a harlot, the
|
shameless face of a French harlot. Now both eyes opened wide; they
|
turned a glowing, shameless glance upon him; they laughed, invited
|
him.... There was something infinitely hideous and shocking in that
|
laugh, in those eyes, in such nastiness in the face of a child. “What,
|
at five years old?” Svidrigaïlov muttered in genuine horror. “What does
|
it mean?” And now she turned to him, her little face all aglow, holding
|
out her arms.... “Accursed child!” Svidrigaïlov cried, raising his hand
|
to strike her, but at that moment he woke up.
|
He was in the same bed, still wrapped in the blanket. The candle had not
|
been lighted, and daylight was streaming in at the windows.
|
“I’ve had nightmare all night!” He got up angrily, feeling utterly
|
shattered; his bones ached. There was a thick mist outside and he could
|
see nothing. It was nearly five. He had overslept himself! He got up,
|
put on his still damp jacket and overcoat. Feeling the revolver in his
|
pocket, he took it out and then he sat down, took a notebook out of his
|
pocket and in the most conspicuous place on the title page wrote a few
|
lines in large letters. Reading them over, he sank into thought with his
|
elbows on the table. The revolver and the notebook lay beside him. Some
|
flies woke up and settled on the untouched veal, which was still on
|
the table. He stared at them and at last with his free right hand began
|
trying to catch one. He tried till he was tired, but could not catch it.
|
At last, realising that he was engaged in this interesting pursuit, he
|
started, got up and walked resolutely out of the room. A minute later he
|
was in the street.
|
A thick milky mist hung over the town. Svidrigaïlov walked along the
|
slippery dirty wooden pavement towards the Little Neva. He was picturing
|
the waters of the Little Neva swollen in the night, Petrovsky Island,
|
the wet paths, the wet grass, the wet trees and bushes and at last the
|
bush.... He began ill-humouredly staring at the houses, trying to think
|
of something else. There was not a cabman or a passer-by in the street.
|
The bright yellow, wooden, little houses looked dirty and dejected with
|
their closed shutters. The cold and damp penetrated his whole body and
|
he began to shiver. From time to time he came across shop signs and read
|
each carefully. At last he reached the end of the wooden pavement and
|
came to a big stone house. A dirty, shivering dog crossed his path with
|
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