line
stringlengths 2
76
|
---|
Raskolnikov put in again, still addressing Nikodim Fomitch, but trying
|
his best to address Ilya Petrovitch also, though the latter persistently
|
appeared to be rummaging among his papers and to be contemptuously
|
oblivious of him. “Allow me to explain that I have been living with her
|
for nearly three years and at first... at first... for why should I not
|
confess it, at the very beginning I promised to marry her daughter, it
|
was a verbal promise, freely given... she was a girl... indeed, I liked
|
her, though I was not in love with her... a youthful affair in fact...
|
that is, I mean to say, that my landlady gave me credit freely in those
|
days, and I led a life of... I was very heedless...”
|
“Nobody asks you for these personal details, sir, we’ve no time to
|
waste,” Ilya Petrovitch interposed roughly and with a note of triumph;
|
but Raskolnikov stopped him hotly, though he suddenly found it
|
exceedingly difficult to speak.
|
“But excuse me, excuse me. It is for me to explain... how it all
|
happened... In my turn... though I agree with you... it is unnecessary.
|
But a year ago, the girl died of typhus. I remained lodging there as
|
before, and when my landlady moved into her present quarters, she said
|
to me... and in a friendly way... that she had complete trust in me,
|
but still, would I not give her an I O U for one hundred and fifteen
|
roubles, all the debt I owed her. She said if only I gave her that,
|
she would trust me again, as much as I liked, and that she would never,
|
never--those were her own words--make use of that I O U till I could pay
|
of myself... and now, when I have lost my lessons and have nothing to
|
eat, she takes action against me. What am I to say to that?”
|
“All these affecting details are no business of ours.” Ilya Petrovitch
|
interrupted rudely. “You must give a written undertaking but as for your
|
love affairs and all these tragic events, we have nothing to do with
|
that.”
|
“Come now... you are harsh,” muttered Nikodim Fomitch, sitting down at
|
the table and also beginning to write. He looked a little ashamed.
|
“Write!” said the head clerk to Raskolnikov.
|
“Write what?” the latter asked, gruffly.
|
“I will dictate to you.”
|
Raskolnikov fancied that the head clerk treated him more casually and
|
contemptuously after his speech, but strange to say he suddenly felt
|
completely indifferent to anyone’s opinion, and this revulsion took
|
place in a flash, in one instant. If he had cared to think a little,
|
he would have been amazed indeed that he could have talked to them like
|
that a minute before, forcing his feelings upon them. And where had
|
those feelings come from? Now if the whole room had been filled, not
|
with police officers, but with those nearest and dearest to him, he
|
would not have found one human word for them, so empty was his heart. A
|
gloomy sensation of agonising, everlasting solitude and remoteness, took
|
conscious form in his soul. It was not the meanness of his sentimental
|
effusions before Ilya Petrovitch, nor the meanness of the latter’s
|
triumph over him that had caused this sudden revulsion in his heart.
|
Oh, what had he to do now with his own baseness, with all these petty
|
vanities, officers, German women, debts, police-offices? If he had been
|
sentenced to be burnt at that moment, he would not have stirred, would
|
hardly have heard the sentence to the end. Something was happening to
|
him entirely new, sudden and unknown. It was not that he understood, but
|
he felt clearly with all the intensity of sensation that he could
|
never more appeal to these people in the police-office with sentimental
|
effusions like his recent outburst, or with anything whatever; and that
|
if they had been his own brothers and sisters and not police-officers,
|
it would have been utterly out of the question to appeal to them in any
|
circumstance of life. He had never experienced such a strange and awful
|
sensation. And what was most agonising--it was more a sensation than a
|
conception or idea, a direct sensation, the most agonising of all the
|
sensations he had known in his life.
|
The head clerk began dictating to him the usual form of declaration,
|
that he could not pay, that he undertook to do so at a future date, that
|
he would not leave the town, nor sell his property, and so on.
|
“But you can’t write, you can hardly hold the pen,” observed the head
|
clerk, looking with curiosity at Raskolnikov. “Are you ill?”
|
“Yes, I am giddy. Go on!”
|
“That’s all. Sign it.”
|
The head clerk took the paper, and turned to attend to others.
|
Raskolnikov gave back the pen; but instead of getting up and going away,
|
he put his elbows on the table and pressed his head in his hands. He
|
felt as if a nail were being driven into his skull. A strange idea
|
suddenly occurred to him, to get up at once, to go up to Nikodim
|
Fomitch, and tell him everything that had happened yesterday, and then
|
to go with him to his lodgings and to show him the things in the hole
|
in the corner. The impulse was so strong that he got up from his seat
|
to carry it out. “Hadn’t I better think a minute?” flashed through his
|
mind. “No, better cast off the burden without thinking.” But all at once
|
he stood still, rooted to the spot. Nikodim Fomitch was talking eagerly
|
with Ilya Petrovitch, and the words reached him:
|
“It’s impossible, they’ll both be released. To begin with, the whole
|
story contradicts itself. Why should they have called the porter, if it
|
had been their doing? To inform against themselves? Or as a blind? No,
|
that would be too cunning! Besides, Pestryakov, the student, was seen at
|
the gate by both the porters and a woman as he went in. He was walking
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.