minmarn/Gone_with_the_wind · Datasets at Hugging Face

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going with her."

There was such a note of wild despair in his low voice that she
dropped her hand from his arm and stepped back. And in the heavy
silence that fell between them, she felt that she really understood
him for the first time in her life.

"Why--" she said slowly, "why, Ashley, you love her, don't you?"

He spoke as with an effort.

"She is the only dream I ever had that lived and breathed and did
not die in the face of reality."

"Dreams!" she thought, an old irritation stirring. "Always dreams
with him! Never common sense!"

With a heart that was heavy and a little bitter, she said: "You've
been such a fool, Ashley. Why couldn't you see that she was worth
a million of me?"

"Scarlett, please! If you only knew what I've gone through since
the doctor--"

"What you've gone through! Don't you think that I-- Oh, Ashley,
you should have known, years ago, that you loved her and not me!
Why didn't you! Everything would have been so different, so-- Oh,
you should have realized and not kept me dangling with all your
talk about honor and sacrifice! If you'd told me, years ago, I'd
have-- It would have killed me but I could have stood it somehow.
But you wait till now, till Melly's dying, to find it out and now
it's too late to do anything. Oh, Ashley, men are supposed to know
such things--not women! You should have seen so clearly that you
loved her all the time and only wanted me like--like Rhett wants
that Watling woman!"

He winced at her words but his eyes still met hers, imploring
silence, comfort. Every line of his face admitted the truth of her
words. The very droop of his shoulders showed that his own self-
castigation was more cruel than any she could give. He stood
silent before her, clutching the glove as though it were an
understanding hand and, in the stillness that followed her words,
her indignation fell away and pity, tinged with contempt, took its
place. Her conscience smote her. She was kicking a beaten and
defenseless man--and she had promised Melanie that she would look
after him.

"And just as soon as I promised her, I said mean, hurting things to
him and there's no need for me to say them or for anyone to say
them. He knows the truth and it's killing him," she thought
desolately. "He's not grown up. He's a child, like me, and he's
sick with fear at losing her. Melly knew how it would be--Melly
knew him far better than I do. That's why she said look after him
and Beau, in the same breath. How can Ashley ever stand this? I
can stand it. I can stand anything. I've had to stand so much.
But he can't--he can't stand anything without her."

"Forgive me, darling," she said gently, putting out her arms. "I
know what you must be suffering. But remember, she doesn't know
anything--she never even suspected-- God was that good to us."

He came to her quickly and his arms went round her blindly. She
tiptoed to bring her warm cheek comfortingly against his and with
one hand she smoothed the back of his hair.

"Don't cry, sweet. She'd want you to be brave. She'll want to see
you in a moment and you must be brave. She mustn't see that you've
been crying. It would worry her."

He held her in a grip that made breathing difficult and his choking
voice was in her ear.

"What will I do? I can't--I can't live without her!"

"I can't either," she thought, shuddering away from the picture of
the long years to come, without Melanie. But she caught herself in
a strong grasp. Ashley was depending on her, Melanie was depending
on her. As once before, in the moonlight at Tara, drunk, exhausted,
she had thought: "Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry
them." Well, her shoulders were strong and Ashley's were not. She
squared her shoulders for the load and with a calmness she was far
from feeling, kissed his wet cheek without fever or longing or
passion, only with cool gentleness.

"We shall manage--somehow," she said.

A door opened with sudden violence into the hall and Dr. Meade
called with sharp urgency:

"Ashley! Quick!"

"My God! She's gone!" thought Scarlett. "And Ashley didn't get to
tell her good-by! But maybe--"

"Hurry!" she cried aloud, giving him a push, for he stood staring
like one stunned. "Hurry!"

She pulled open the door and motioned him through. Galvanized by
her words, he ran into the hall, the glove still clasped closely in
his hand. She heard his rapid steps for a moment and then the

going with her."

There was such a note of wild despair in his low voice that she

dropped her hand from his arm and stepped back. And in the heavy

silence that fell between them, she felt that she really understood

him for the first time in her life.

"Why--" she said slowly, "why, Ashley, you love her, don't you?"

He spoke as with an effort.

"She is the only dream I ever had that lived and breathed and did

not die in the face of reality."

"Dreams!" she thought, an old irritation stirring. "Always dreams

with him! Never common sense!"

With a heart that was heavy and a little bitter, she said: "You've

been such a fool, Ashley. Why couldn't you see that she was worth

a million of me?"

"Scarlett, please! If you only knew what I've gone through since

the doctor--"

"What you've gone through! Don't you think that I-- Oh, Ashley,

you should have known, years ago, that you loved her and not me!

Why didn't you! Everything would have been so different, so-- Oh,

you should have realized and not kept me dangling with all your

talk about honor and sacrifice! If you'd told me, years ago, I'd

have-- It would have killed me but I could have stood it somehow.

But you wait till now, till Melly's dying, to find it out and now

it's too late to do anything. Oh, Ashley, men are supposed to know

such things--not women! You should have seen so clearly that you

loved her all the time and only wanted me like--like Rhett wants

that Watling woman!"

He winced at her words but his eyes still met hers, imploring

silence, comfort. Every line of his face admitted the truth of her

words. The very droop of his shoulders showed that his own self-

castigation was more cruel than any she could give. He stood

silent before her, clutching the glove as though it were an

understanding hand and, in the stillness that followed her words,

her indignation fell away and pity, tinged with contempt, took its

place. Her conscience smote her. She was kicking a beaten and

defenseless man--and she had promised Melanie that she would look

after him.

"And just as soon as I promised her, I said mean, hurting things to

him and there's no need for me to say them or for anyone to say

them. He knows the truth and it's killing him," she thought

desolately. "He's not grown up. He's a child, like me, and he's

sick with fear at losing her. Melly knew how it would be--Melly

knew him far better than I do. That's why she said look after him

and Beau, in the same breath. How can Ashley ever stand this? I

can stand it. I can stand anything. I've had to stand so much.

But he can't--he can't stand anything without her."

"Forgive me, darling," she said gently, putting out her arms. "I

know what you must be suffering. But remember, she doesn't know

anything--she never even suspected-- God was that good to us."

He came to her quickly and his arms went round her blindly. She

tiptoed to bring her warm cheek comfortingly against his and with

one hand she smoothed the back of his hair.

"Don't cry, sweet. She'd want you to be brave. She'll want to see

you in a moment and you must be brave. She mustn't see that you've

been crying. It would worry her."

He held her in a grip that made breathing difficult and his choking

voice was in her ear.

"What will I do? I can't--I can't live without her!"

"I can't either," she thought, shuddering away from the picture of

the long years to come, without Melanie. But she caught herself in

a strong grasp. Ashley was depending on her, Melanie was depending

on her. As once before, in the moonlight at Tara, drunk, exhausted,

she had thought: "Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry

them." Well, her shoulders were strong and Ashley's were not. She

squared her shoulders for the load and with a calmness she was far

from feeling, kissed his wet cheek without fever or longing or

passion, only with cool gentleness.

"We shall manage--somehow," she said.

A door opened with sudden violence into the hall and Dr. Meade

called with sharp urgency:

"Ashley! Quick!"

"My God! She's gone!" thought Scarlett. "And Ashley didn't get to

tell her good-by! But maybe--"

"Hurry!" she cried aloud, giving him a push, for he stood staring

like one stunned. "Hurry!"

She pulled open the door and motioned him through. Galvanized by

her words, he ran into the hall, the glove still clasped closely in

his hand. She heard his rapid steps for a moment and then the