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about it." |
She drew a sharp surprised breath. Of course, he had always read |
her easily. Heretofore she had resented it but now, after the |
first shock at her own transparency, her heart rose with gladness |
and relief. He knew, he understood and her task was miraculously |
made easy. No use to talk about it! Of course he was bitter at |
her long neglect, of course he was mistrustful of her sudden |
turnabout. She would have to woo him with kindness, convince him |
with a rich outpouring of love, and what a pleasure it would be to |
do it! |
"Darling, I'm going to tell you everything," she said, putting her |
hands on the arm of his chair and leaning down to him. "I've been |
so wrong, such a stupid fool--" |
"Scarlett, don't go on with this. Don't be humble before me. I |
can't bear it. Leave us some dignity, some reticence to remember |
out of our marriage. Spare us this last." |
She straightened up abruptly. Spare us this last? What did he |
mean by "this last"? Last? This was their first, their beginning. |
"But I will tell you," she began rapidly, as if fearing his hand |
upon her mouth, silencing her. "Oh, Rhett, I love you so, darling! |
I must have loved you for years and I was such a fool I didn't know |
it. Rhett, you must believe me!" |
He looked at her, standing before him, for a moment, a long look |
that went to the back of her mind. She saw there was belief in his |
eyes but little interest. Oh, was he going to be mean, at this of |
all times? To torment her, pay her back in her own coin? |
"Oh, I believe you," he said at last. "But what of Ashley Wilkes?" |
"Ashley!" she said, and made an impatient gesture. "I--I don't |
believe I've cared anything about him for ages. It was--well, a |
sort of habit I hung onto from when I was a little girl. Rhett, |
I'd never even thought I cared about him if I'd ever known what he |
was really like. He's such a helpless, poor-spirited creature, for |
all his prattle about truth and honor and--" |
"No," said Rhett. "If you must see him as he really is, see him |
straight. He's only a gentleman caught in a world he doesn't |
belong in, trying to make a poor best of it by the rules of the |
world that's gone." |
"Oh, Rhett, don't let's talk of him! What does he matter now? |
Aren't you glad to know-- I mean, now that I--" |
As his tired eyes met hers, she broke off in embarrassment, shy as |
a girl with her first beau. If he'd only make it easier for her! |
If only he would hold out his arms, so she could crawl thankfully |
into his lap and lay her head on his chest. Her lips on his could |
tell him better than all her stumbling words. But as she looked at |
him, she realized that he was not holding her off just to be mean. |
He looked drained and as though nothing she had said was of any |
moment. |
"Glad?" he said. "Once I would have thanked God, fasting, to hear |
you say all this. But, now, it doesn't matter." |
"Doesn't matter? What are you talking about? Of course, it |
matters! Rhett, you do care, don't you? You must care. Melly |
said you did." |
"Well, she was right, as far as she knew. But, Scarlett, did it |
ever occur to you that even the most deathless love could wear |
out?" |
She looked at him speechless, her mouth a round O. |
"Mine wore out," he went on, "against Ashley Wilkes and your insane |
obstinacy that makes you hold on like a bulldog to anything you |
think you want. . . . Mine wore out." |
"But love can't wear out!" |
"Yours for Ashley did." |
"But I never really loved Ashley!" |
"Then, you certainly gave a good imitation of it--up till tonight. |
Scarlett, I'm not upbraiding you, accusing you, reproaching you. |
That time has passed. So spare me your defenses and your |
explanations. If you can manage to listen to me for a few minutes |
without interrupting, I can explain what I mean. Though God knows, |
I see no need for explanations. The truth's so plain." |
She sat down, the harsh gas light falling on her white bewildered |
face. She looked into the eyes she knew so well--and knew so |
little--listened to his quiet voice saying words which at first |
meant nothing. This was the first time he had ever talked to her |
in this manner, as one human being to another, talked as other |
people talked, without flippancy, mockery or riddles. |
"Did it ever occur to you that I loved you as much as a man can |
love a woman? Loved you for years before I finally got you? |
During the war I'd go away and try to forget you, but I couldn't |
and I always had to come back. After the war I risked arrest, just |
Subsets and Splits