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about it."
She drew a sharp surprised breath. Of course, he had always read
her easily. Heretofore she had resented it but now, after the
first shock at her own transparency, her heart rose with gladness
and relief. He knew, he understood and her task was miraculously
made easy. No use to talk about it! Of course he was bitter at
her long neglect, of course he was mistrustful of her sudden
turnabout. She would have to woo him with kindness, convince him
with a rich outpouring of love, and what a pleasure it would be to
do it!
"Darling, I'm going to tell you everything," she said, putting her
hands on the arm of his chair and leaning down to him. "I've been
so wrong, such a stupid fool--"
"Scarlett, don't go on with this. Don't be humble before me. I
can't bear it. Leave us some dignity, some reticence to remember
out of our marriage. Spare us this last."
She straightened up abruptly. Spare us this last? What did he
mean by "this last"? Last? This was their first, their beginning.
"But I will tell you," she began rapidly, as if fearing his hand
upon her mouth, silencing her. "Oh, Rhett, I love you so, darling!
I must have loved you for years and I was such a fool I didn't know
it. Rhett, you must believe me!"
He looked at her, standing before him, for a moment, a long look
that went to the back of her mind. She saw there was belief in his
eyes but little interest. Oh, was he going to be mean, at this of
all times? To torment her, pay her back in her own coin?
"Oh, I believe you," he said at last. "But what of Ashley Wilkes?"
"Ashley!" she said, and made an impatient gesture. "I--I don't
believe I've cared anything about him for ages. It was--well, a
sort of habit I hung onto from when I was a little girl. Rhett,
I'd never even thought I cared about him if I'd ever known what he
was really like. He's such a helpless, poor-spirited creature, for
all his prattle about truth and honor and--"
"No," said Rhett. "If you must see him as he really is, see him
straight. He's only a gentleman caught in a world he doesn't
belong in, trying to make a poor best of it by the rules of the
world that's gone."
"Oh, Rhett, don't let's talk of him! What does he matter now?
Aren't you glad to know-- I mean, now that I--"
As his tired eyes met hers, she broke off in embarrassment, shy as
a girl with her first beau. If he'd only make it easier for her!
If only he would hold out his arms, so she could crawl thankfully
into his lap and lay her head on his chest. Her lips on his could
tell him better than all her stumbling words. But as she looked at
him, she realized that he was not holding her off just to be mean.
He looked drained and as though nothing she had said was of any
moment.
"Glad?" he said. "Once I would have thanked God, fasting, to hear
you say all this. But, now, it doesn't matter."
"Doesn't matter? What are you talking about? Of course, it
matters! Rhett, you do care, don't you? You must care. Melly
said you did."
"Well, she was right, as far as she knew. But, Scarlett, did it
ever occur to you that even the most deathless love could wear
out?"
She looked at him speechless, her mouth a round O.
"Mine wore out," he went on, "against Ashley Wilkes and your insane
obstinacy that makes you hold on like a bulldog to anything you
think you want. . . . Mine wore out."
"But love can't wear out!"
"Yours for Ashley did."
"But I never really loved Ashley!"
"Then, you certainly gave a good imitation of it--up till tonight.
Scarlett, I'm not upbraiding you, accusing you, reproaching you.
That time has passed. So spare me your defenses and your
explanations. If you can manage to listen to me for a few minutes
without interrupting, I can explain what I mean. Though God knows,
I see no need for explanations. The truth's so plain."
She sat down, the harsh gas light falling on her white bewildered
face. She looked into the eyes she knew so well--and knew so
little--listened to his quiet voice saying words which at first
meant nothing. This was the first time he had ever talked to her
in this manner, as one human being to another, talked as other
people talked, without flippancy, mockery or riddles.
"Did it ever occur to you that I loved you as much as a man can
love a woman? Loved you for years before I finally got you?
During the war I'd go away and try to forget you, but I couldn't
and I always had to come back. After the war I risked arrest, just