Non-SpongeBob Dialogue
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SpongeBob Response
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Flying Dutchman: No problemo, compadre. Yargh! Old Lady: Lonnie is that you? Flying Dutchman: What? No! 'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman! Old Lady: Lonnie, there's this great new product called toothpaste. I think you should try it. Flying Dutchman: Let's hit it. Larry: Dude, look at your pecks! You're phenomenal! Truly a hard body. Look at those guns.
Now he's got him.
Larry: My latissimus dorsi has gone flabby! I gotta get to a rolling machine. Flying Dutchman: Ah. It's no use, SpongeBob. I can't seem to scare anyone. Maybe people just don't believe in ghosts anymore.
Wait a minute! I think you gave me the answer to all your problems! ...goblins...guilt trip...
Squidward: Huh? Mrs. Tentacles: Squidward! Squidward! Squidward: What's going on? Mrs. Tentacles: Why haven't you called me? Squidward: Mother? Mrs. Tentacles: Why haven't you called your mother? Squidward: Uh, Squiddums loves his mama. Mrs. Tentacles: Why don't you call me then? Why don't you call me? Why don't you call me? Flying Dutchman: I heard you don't believe in ghosts! Squidward: Ghosts? Flying Dutchman: As in the Flying Dutchman! Squidward: There's no such thing as ghosts. No such thing. Flying Dutchman: No such thing as ghosts? No such thing as ghosts?! You don't believe in ghosts?! Squidward: SpongeBob? Flying Dutchman: Ooh, scary! Squidward: No! No! That's impossible! Ghosts! Ghosts!
Dutchie, it worked! You got your scare back!
Flying Dutchman: And me confidence, too. Now I feel like I can scare the living criminy out of anybody! All thanks to you, my boy.
And, maybe your ship will be repaired soon.
Flying Dutchman: Actually, I have a confession, SpongeBob. My ship's been done for three months now. Well, it was nice roomin' with ya. Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I left you a little something something for all your trouble. Now, it's time for me to ruin more souls.
Good Ol' Dutchie! Exercise time is over, Gary. We don't want you getting too thin. Here, boy. Fetch!
Gary: Meow.
Huh? Good job, Gary! I love you, Gary! Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary! Ha, ha! Down, boy! Ha ha!
Patrick: SpongeBob! Are you ready? Are you ready? Are you ready?
For what?
Patrick: The annual jellyfish convention in Ukulele Bottom this weekend! So, you ready or what?
That was this weekend? I can't go; I don't have anyone to take care of Gary!
Squidward: Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
Squidward, could you watch Gary this weekend?
Squidward: What's a Gary?
Not a Gary. Gary. He's my pet snail. Say hello!
Squidward: Yuck. You actually care for that thing?
I love Gary!
Squidward: Well, I don't. Get somebody else.
I guess we can't go away this weekend after all, Patrick.
Squidward: Go away? You mean, if I watch Gary, you guys will be gone all weekend?
Actually, a three day weekend.
Squidward: As in, not here for three days?
Yeah, but you've already said you can't do it, we understand.
Patrick: Don't feel bad, Squidward. The three of us can still have our own jellyfish convention at your house! Squidward: I changed my mind. You guys deserve a weekend away.
You'll do it? Great! Let me show you a little bit about snail care. You need to take Gary for a walk.
Squidward: Friday, Saturday and Sunday - a three-day weekend.
Let me show you how to feed him. The cans are all marked, a can in the morning and a can at night.
Squidward: Sure it's enough? Group: Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Patrick: The bus is here! The bus is here! C'mon, SpongeBob! Group: Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! Squidward: Well, time to go. Don't want to be late. Have fun, bye bye.
Now, you won't forget my instructions, will you?
Squidward: I have the memory of an elephant, I'll take good care of Fred.
Gary.
Squidward: Right, yeah, right. Jellyfishing! Jellyfishing! So long, losers! They're gone! Gary: Meow. Squidward: This is going to be the best three days of my life. I'm going to do all the things I can't normally do because of SpongeBob. Well, thus ends the greatest weekend of my life. No SpongeBob, no Patrick, nothing but me, me, me. The snail! I forgot the snail! I've got to do something. Okay, okay, okay. Here we go. Here we go. Right here. : Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat! You've gotta finish this food!
See you later, Patrick.
Squidward: Come on, eat! Eat! Eat! Ohh...
Gary! I'm home!
Squidward: Hi, SpongeBob.
Squidward! What are you doing here?
Squidward: Oh, just checking up on old Gary for you.
What a great friend you are, Squidward.
Squidward: So, uhh, well, see you. Goodbye.
Thanks, Squidward. I can always count on you. Gary! Gary, what's happened to you? What's wrong? Squidward, something's wrong with Gary! Squidward!
Brock: Yes, yes, it's just as I thought.
What?
Brock: This is definitely a snail.
I knew it! Oh, Squid, did you hear that?
Brock: Therefore, a shot of snail plasma must be carefully administered. Here you go.
Aren't you going to do it?
Brock: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm too squeamish. Squidward: Uhh, hey, doc, let me help you with your bag there.
Squid, wait! I can't give Gary his plasma. I'm squeamish too.
Squidward: Aww, SpongeBob, I don't want to do...
Gary!
Squidward: Okay, okay, I'll do it.
Now, don't hurt him, Squidward. Okay, okay, steady. Wait, that's too hard. Okay, okay, okay, try it again.
Squidward: Will you hold him still?
Ouch! Uh, Squidward, you just injected me with snail plasma.
Squidward: Well, you made me do it!
What's going to happen to me?
Squidward: Oh, nothing, it's just a little snail plasma.
I don't know, I feel kind of funny!
Squidward: I'm telling you, it's all in your head. Squidward: He just needed water?
Oh, Gary, you're better!
Squidward: Oh, how touching. I'm going to go home and throw up. Good night.
Squidward, wait, the snail plasma!
Squidward: Trust me, SpongeBob, nothing's going to happen to you. You're fine. Gary: Meow.
Don't worry, Gary, Squidward says I'll be fine. He knows everything. So, you hungry?
Gary: Meow!
Here ya go. Eat up, Gary.
Gary: Meow?
Sorry, Gary, I couldn't control myself. Meow. Why did I just do that? Am I cracking up?
Gary: Meow.
No, no, Squidward's right. I'm fine. I- I worry too much. It's all in my head. I feel tip-top! Gary, you're getting a lot faster! Look at me. Never better. I'm okay! Squidward said I'm fine! Gary... I'm fine! Yyyyyy-yyyooooou'll see.  That's okay, I'm a lefty anyway! Ha! Now I don't have to buy those new shoes! I take it back, Gary. Something is wrong with meeeee ow!
Squidward: I hope I never see another snail again. Good night, Clary. Who could that be? As if I didn't already know. SpongeBob, I already told you. You're gonna be just--
Meow!
Squidward:
Meow! Meow.
Squidward: Squidward: SpongeBob? Oh, Neptune, what have I done? It's all your fault. Okay, okay, okay, okay, get it together, Squidward.
Meow! Meow. Meow. Meow! Meow. Meow.
Squidward: None of this would be happening if I'd only fed that snail! Squidward: Uh-oh! Gary: Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow .
Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow .
Squidward: Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow , meow . Gary: Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow .
Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow .
Squidward: Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow , meow . Gary: Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow . Patrick: Will you clam up?!
Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow .
Squidward: Meow , me- Ommf! Gary: Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow .
Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow .
Squidward: Meow , meow , meow , meow , meow , meow , meow , meow , meow . Plankton: Oh, brother. Just look at this place. Might as well be a mausoleum. Abysmal. Oh, well. At least it's structurally sound. Forget this! I'm sick of not having any business. Karen: Then why don't you fix this rust bucket up? Look around. Chipping paint, bad plumbing, dust bunnies-- it's no wonder you don't have any customers. Plankton: Okay, I get it. I get it. It's time to give this place a complete overhaul. Whoa! Whoa! I shouldn't have to subject myself to such menial labor. Ah! This is a job for an imbecile! Or two imbeciles. Excuse me, gentlemen. I am sorry to bother you, but I'm having a bit of trouble with my abode. You see, I would like to paint The Chum Bucket to please my wife. But alas, I am too small and feeble.
Aw. well, we can help you. Right, Patrick?
Patrick: Uh-huh. I came prepared, too. Alright, let’s do it. Plankton: Okay, boys. Karen wants this place to really sparkle. I was thinking it could use a little more pizzazz. SpongeBob and Patrick: Pizzazz, yeah! Plankton: Oh, I know. Why don't you paint the entire Chum Bucket? SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoa, really?! Plankton: Oh, yes. I need you artistic vision. You, wouldn't want to disappoint my Karen now, would you? SpongeBob and Patrick: No, sir. Uh-uh. Plankton: Well, hop to it, lads. SpongeBob and Patrick: Yes, sir! Squidward: Heel, toe. Heel, toe. Heel, toe. Heel, toe. Heel, toe. SpongeBob and Patrick: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. We like to work. Squidward: What the--? SpongeBob, what atrocity is this?
Oh. hi, Squidward. Looky, Mr. Plankton's having us paint. He calls it pizzazz!
Squidward: Pizzazz, huh? What would you know about that? Patrick: Plankton says he needs our artistic vision.
Let's show him
Squidward: You buffoons wouldn't know artistic vision if it hit you over the head. Now, where's the paintbrush? I'll show you what artistic vision is all about. Start with light brush strokes. SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh. Squidward: Yeah. Perfect. Simpletons. Plankton: Amazing. I didn't have to trick the tall one. My plan is falling right into place. With those three boobs preoccupied, stealing the formula will be a snap!
Mr. Plankton? All this hard work is making us thirsty. Do you think we can get-- --a drink?
Plankton: Let me show you something, SpongeBob. I sure wish I could offer you a cold drink for all your hard work. But alas, my pipes are rusted shut.
I see what you mean.
Plankton: Yes. If only there was some way I could—Where'd he go?
La-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Plankton: Secret formula, here I come.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Plankton: Perfect. Huh? No! No! NO! It's all wrong! Don't you know a thing about art? Gimme that brush! Yes, yes, and yes. Voila! Squidward: A log cabin? Plankton: Yeah, I think they're so cozy. Now that's what you call art. Squidward: Everyone's a critic. Plankton: I can't wait to see Krabs' face when he discovers that I've absconded with The secret Krabby Patty formula.
Hey, Plankton? What do you think of the new window? We got it from The Krusty Krab.
Plankton: SpongeBob, how do you expect me to see out of a window that high?
I guess I hadn't thought about that.
Patrick: I did. Look, Plankton. It's the perfect height for your kind. Plankton: See, SpongeBob? Patrick's using the old noggin. He knows I'll actually want to see out the window! Patrick: Wait, you wanted to see out the window? Weird. Plankton: CAN'T YOU TWO DO ANYTHING RIGHT? I give you one simple task after another and... Just forget it. It was foolish of me to think this plan would ever work when nothing else in my life is panned out. Telemarketing, life guarding, creative writing—all such bitter failures.
Oh. It's okay, little green... creature. Patrick and I are going to keep working on The Chum Bucket. until it's the most pizzazziest restaurant in Bikini Bottom!
Plankton: Really?
And how. Come on, fellows. Let's do some interior decorating!
Squidward: Oh, goodbye, paintbrush. Hello, antique fitting! Plankton: Well, that ought to keep them busy for a while. SpongeBob and Patrick: Hup-hup-hup-hup! Hup-hup-hup-hup! Plankton: I just need to sneak past Krabs, and I'm home-free. Where could that stingy crab be? Still don't see him. The safe! I'm in the clear, baby! It's beautiful. No. No tears. Not yet. There's work to be done. Ha-ha! At long last! And the secret formula is — one bottle of molting lotion, take passport photo, get new safe travel size. This isn't the secret formula! It's a to do list!! Yaaagh!!! Huh!? What happened to The Krusty Krab? Huh! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHUM BUCKET?!?!?! Curses! This isn't what I meant by renovation.
I know. Isn't it great? It looks just like The Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: It looks more like Plankton trying to steal me restaurant.
Mr. Krabs! You've returned from your vacation.
Mr. Krabs: And it's time for The Krusty Krab to return from its vacation. SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!/Yay! Mr. Krabs: And I bet you tried to steal this, too. Plankton: Hehehhehheh... well, steal is such a strong word. Mr. Krabs: You don't really think I'd leave me secret formula behind when I go on vacation. Do ya? Mr. Krabs and Plankton: Now stay away from me... Plankton: ...restaurant, bug. I think we've been through this one before. Allow me to do the honors. Heh-yah! Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Karen: Oh, excellent job, genius. You really fixed the place up. Plankton: Don't nag me, Karen. I've had a long day. Mr. Krabs: Yup, Squidward. you really outdid yourself for the new decor. Where did you get the fountain? Squidward: That, I sculpted out the concrete foundation of the Chum Bucket. Mr. Krabs: And these metal decorations? Squidward: Those were all fabricated from The Chum Bucket walls. Mr. Krabs: And the computer? Squidward: Oh, that's Plankton's wife. Mr. Krabs: Well, it looks great, lad. And it didn't cost me a dime. Customer #1: Wow, $25 for a Krabby Patty? Rip off, dude. Not cool. Mr. Krabs: But you're paying for enhanced ambiance—dude. Customer #1: Well, that's true—it is pretty classy in here. Gimme four!
Mustard, mustard, step right up for your mustard! Some mustard for you. Eh, eh, eh.
Boy: Cool!
A bit of the yellow for you. Doy. Oh, okay. Eh. And a Mr. Mustard for you.
Nancy Suzy Fish: Mmm, yummy.
Hyah!
Customers: Aw.
Hang on, folks, I'll be right back with more mustard. Whoo! Let's see. Ketchup. Mayonnaise. Oh, mustard.
Mr. Krabs: Did you use up all me mustard?
What?
Squidward: Oh, who gives a flying fish about mustard?
But Squidward, without mustard I wouldn't be able to make a—
Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patty! That's right, you're both hereby ordered to go down into the mustard mines! And bring me back more mustard! Squidward: Mustard mines? Patrick: Mmm, mustard. Uh... Ah. Mr. Krabs: And you are going down to the mustard mines too. Walter Haddock: I wouldn't do that if I was you. Walter Haddock: That old mustard mine is cursed.
Cursed?
Mr. Krabs: What kind of curse? Walter Haddock: It's, uh, er, one of those—The Mummy's Curse. Mr. Krabs: There's no such thing as mummies. Walter Haddock: We've all got mummies. Eh? Mm-hmm. I've been in that mine. No one that enters gets out alive.
You got out and you're alive.
Walter Haddock: Ah, but am I? Patrick: Yeah, you're standing right there. Walter Haddock: But am I? Mr. Krabs: Yeah, you're right— Hmm. Squidward: I see your foot. Walter Haddock: No, you don't.
Ah, his foot's gone!
Squidward: This map doesn't show us where the mustard vein is located. Well, let's just start picking. Patrick: Way ahead of you, pal. Squidward: Ugh. Patrick: Ooh. SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪Oh, a-mining we will go! The mustard, it will flow! With pick and axe without the facts! There's nothing that we know! Ta-da!♪ Squidward: Huh?! You nitwits! How will we get out now? Patrick: Ah, we're trapped in a mine! We'll never get out! Squidward: Krabby Patty, stat. Squidward: He's coming 'round. Patrick: Squidward. I—I need— Squidward: What can I get for you? Patrick: I need a little mustard for the Krabby Patty. Squidward: Why do I even bother? Maybe there's a back door. SpongeBob and Patrick: Hey, wait for us!
Whoa.
Squidward: I wonder how deep it is.
I'll check. Wahhh! Don't bother jumping. That shaft has no bottom. Let's take the escalator.
Squidward: All right, spread out!
Coal miners. Ew.
Patrick: Sulfur miners.
Phew. Unaccompanied minors.
Squidward: All right, let's get to work, chowderheads.
Hey, I found something yellow. Never mind, it's just gold.
Patrick: All I'm getting is dumb old diamonds.
This must be the Mummy's Curse that old guy was talking about.
Squidward: Gold and diamonds? Gold dust! No, no, it's just sand. Ryan: Whoa! Squidward: Ah. Squidward: Uh, what was that?
The greatest treasure of all, a child. Hello?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, where's me mustard? Jennifer Millie: I want some mus—
On the way, sir, as soon was we find it. Love you.
Squidward: Oh, we'll never find that mustard vein. Oh, what is this? Subway PA: Local train approaching station.
Hurry up, Squidward, before the doors close!
Patrick: It's the last train of the night!
Do you have a metro card?
Squidward: Ah! I got it!
Come on, Squidward!
Subway PA: Watch the closing doors.
Faster, Squidward, faster!
Patrick: Hey, Squidward, you really should watch the closing doors. Subway PA: This is a local mining train making all stops between Coal and Limestone. Next stop, Condiments.
Oh, that's our stop.
Patrick: Come on, Squidward! Squidward: Hmm. Ah, la, hmm. Ah! I've struck mayo!
Hot sauce.
Patrick: I struck blood! Oh, no, it's ketchup!
We're getting close. Oh. Mustard. Ahhh! I struck mustard!
Squidward: Mustard? Patrick: Mustard? SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward: ♪Look at all the mustard flow! Look at all the mustard flow! That golden yellow fatty acid treat!♪
Oh, no, what are we gonna do now?
Squidward: I think we better use our heads. Patrick: Let's use my head. SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward: The mummy! Walter Haddock: Stop!
It's the Mummy's Curse guy!
Walter Haddock: There ain't no curse! I just tried to discourage you chuckleheads from mining this mustard!
Oh, I get it, 'cause the mummy wants the mustard. Mystery solved.
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward: Hurrah! Walter Haddock: 'Tain't no mummy! This mustard is sitting on top of 20 million pounds of pressure! If you open her up, she's gonna blow sky high!
Oh, no curse. No mummy. And no mustard. And I'll have to find another job!
Squidward: Stop. Don't you see? This old coot wants all the mustard for himself! Now uncork that mustard! Walter Haddock: Hmm? Squidward: Oh, put your fists down, old man. I'm not gonna hurt you. Walter Haddock: Hyah!
You were right, Squidward, you're not gonna hurt him.
Squidward: Why you— Ow! I'm gonna—
Go, Squidward, you're winning! You're not hurting him at all!
Patrick: Let me try not hurting him. Come on, old-timer! You know you want a piece of me! Oh. Walter Haddock: Ow, that hurt! Patrick: I hurt him! That means I lose.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Whoa....!
Walter Haddock: Adiós, muchachos! Squidward: Hmm. I'll get it. Hello. Mr. Krabs: Where's me mustard?! Squidward: Um... Squidward: Your mustard is coming right up. Mr. Krabs: When?! Squidward: Now?
Wow! Yee-ha! Yeah!
Squidward: SpongeBob, what is that horrible racket coming from back here?
Just a little grill-side harmony. Everyone knows that cooking and music go together like... eating and listening.
Squidward: You wouldn't know what real music is if it came up and hit you in the face.
Hey, that happened to Patrick once. He must've been listening to hard rock. He had a lump on his head—
Squidward: I don't care! If you want to hear what real music sounds like, then listen to this. Hey, give it back. I was just reaching my coda. Mr. Krabs: Yeah, well your coda is affecting me quota. The shrill piercing racket of your fish flute is frightening away me money. Squidward: Fish flute? Mr. Krabs: Well, I don't know. That's what they used to call it back in the— Squidward: None of you simpletons would recognize real musical talent if it came up and kicked you in the face!
Hey, that happened to Patrick once, too! He—
Squidward: None of you know a great musician when you hear him! Not a single one of you! Not even—even—oh, there's nobody there. Plankton: He's still doing it, Karen. He's— Karen? Karen: Who's doing what, now? Plankton: The skinny one. He's been ranting and raving in front of the Krusty Krab for the past half-hour, waving his arms and jumping around like an animal. Oh, he stopped now. He's just broken down on the ground, crying. Karen, Karen, for the first time, it's hit me! Karen: What, the door on your way out? Plankton: No, computer-brain. The skinny one may have been the gateway to the secret formula all along. As a veteran employee, he must know the secret formula, too. Karen: I warn you against it. Plankton: Too late! Squidward: Who said that? Plankton: Down here! I am just an innocent passerby who felt the need to stop and tell you what a magnificent garden you have. Squidward: Oh, really? Plankton: Yes. Squidward: Well, let me tell you something, mister. I know exactly who you are and why you're here. Plankton: You do? Squidward: You will not get me to eat at the Chum Bucket, no matter how big the discount is. Plankton: Well, that's not exactly why I— Squidward: Shameless. You again? Plankton: I hope you don't mind me painting on your property, but the light here, it's simply transcendent this time of day. Squidward: Why, yes, it is, isn't it? Plankton: Yes, it—not buying that one either, huh? Squidward: Nope. Plankton: Hey, buddy! Squidward! Free cleaning service? Census taker. Good day, kind sir. Would you like to buy some Gil Scout cookies? Ow! Karen: Plankton, what are you doing? Plankton: There's nothing a little duct tape and surgical tubing can't accomplish. Ow! I knew I should've used pipe cleaners. Hello, I'm your long-lost relative. Can I have the secret formula? Plankton: Well, that's a fine way to treat a family member.
Hi, Plankton. Nice dress.
Plankton: Out of my way, SpongeBrain.
I overheard you and Squidward playing doorslam and I wanted to see if I could get in to the next round. Don't cry, Plankton. Doorslam is easy to play. Hard to master.
Plankton: None of my tactics are making any impression on him whatsoever.
Well, let's see. If you really want to impress Squidward, try talking to him about music.
Plankton: Music?
Yeah, especially his favorite kind of music, his own.
Plankton: Oh, is that right? Squidward: Not again. Plankton: Wait, don't irrigate me. I've come to hear your music. It soothes the place my soul would occupy if I had one. Squidward: Are you sure you got the right squid? Plankton: I've never been sure of anything, but I am sure of this: play for me. Fill my ear sockets with the strains of your sweet, sweet magic. Squidward: Finally, someone actually appreciates my brilliance. I will play for you, my tiny cyclops. I will play such that Neptune himself will hear me upon his very throne... or whatever chair he's sitting on. Plankton: Uh-oh. I mean, goodie. Squidward: Plankton: Sweet mother of Aphrodite! Please make it end! Squidward: Huh, huh? How are you enjoying the music so far? Plankton: It's delightful! Bravo! Encore, encore! Yes, yes, bravo, bravo! Whoo-hoo! Squidward: My very own fan. Gus: Did you hear that? Nazz-Mimi: How could I not? Plankton: Bravo! Lifeguard: No, no! Make it stop! Plankton: Encore, encore, encore! Squidward: I'm so glad you're enjoying the performance. Plankton: Enjoying it? Why, I'm enjoying it so much, it's making me want to... it's making me want to... Squidward: Want to... sing? Plankton: That's the word I was looking for! Squidward: A-one, a-two, a-one, a-two, a-three, a-four. Plankton: ♪Skinny arms a flappin' long nose looks real swell. Shiny head is bulging he plays really well. On the fact that he's a genius you can surely bet. This strange-looking blue guy, sure plays a neat clarinet.♪ ♪To hear his music playing is like, uh, music to my ears. His delightful melodies reduce grown men to tears. If you haven't heard this mollusk play you ain't hear nothing yet. This funny-looking blue guy, sure plays a neat clarinet.♪ ♪No one does it better. He's the best there is. When you ask him how he does it he says...♪ Squidward: It's all in the wrist. Plankton: Hooray! Squidward: Thank you, thank you. Plankton: Say, uh, musical genius? Squidward: Yes? Plankton: When you're not sharing your songs of joy and splendor, one might find you working a shift at the Krusty Krab, correct? Squidward: It is an unfortunate truth. Plankton: And you've been working there for a pretty long time, haven't you? Squidward: That's an understatement. Plankton: Well, I... I was just wondering, O incredibly musical one, what do they put in one of those Krabby Patties, anyway... secret-wise? Squidward: Oh, I don't work the grill; I work the register. Plankton: But... surely, you've been near the grill. You must've seen something. Squidward: Nope. Haven't seen a thing. Plankton: You work in the same place for 20 years and you've never noticed ingredients of the sole item on your menu? Cut the comedy, octopus! I want that formula and I want it now! Squidward: Oh, don't you see, Sheldon? Thanks to you, I'm getting better and better as a musician. Plankton: What? Squidward: It's been your constant encouragement that has helped me progress to new musical heights. I'm hitting notes I never even knew existed. Mrs. Puff: We have— Sandy: Mayday! Mayday! Squidward: In fact, thanks to you, I'm going to quit my job at the Krusty Krab and become a full-time musician. Plankton: But then I'll never get my hands on that secret formula. Uh-oh. My professional-grade earplugs! No! Come back, I need you! Stop playing this infernal pipe! You're killing me! Squidward: Hey! Come back!
Hi, Squidward. I heard you and Plankton out here playing doorslam and I was wondering if I could—Squidward: Plankton stole my clarinet and I have to get it back! Whoo! I wanna play!
Plankton: Aha! Okay, fish-flute, time to play a little avant-garde. Guardrail, that is.
Ouch, Squidward, this game is fun!
Plankton: You'll never catch me, you hear! Never! Police fish #1: We've got you surrounded. Plankton: You do? Oh. Police fish #1: We've received hundreds of reports of an excruciating musical disturbance and you're the only one holding an instrument. Plankton: Wait a minute, I've never seen this instrument before in my life.
He's right, officer. Plankton doesn't even play clar—