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fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x10

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x10_0

Scene: The apartment Penny: Hey, Leonard, check this out. (Throws some food in the air and catches it in her mouth) Sheldon: Leonard, she's doing it again. Leonard: I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food. Sheldon: No. It upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it from the containers without regard for its equitable distribution. This is essentially why you have famine in India. Penny: You want me to put it back? Sheldon: Leonard. Leonard: It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon. Howard (arriving): What's up, my nerdizzles? Raj, Sheldon, I want you to meet my girlfriend Bernadette. Sheldon: Hello. Howard: Leonard, Penny, you know my girlfriend Bernadette. Leonard: Yeah. Hey. Howard: Bernadette, say fo'shizzle to my nerdizzles. Bernadette: I don't think I can. I don't have Howard's street cred. Howard: I hope it's all right, I told my girlfriend Bernadette she could join us for dinner. Leonard: Sure. The more, the merrier. Sheldon: Wait, no, that's a false equivalency. More does not equal merry. If there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating. Leonard: Sheldon... Sheldon: Don't Sheldon me. We ordered for five people, not six. Penny: Oh, come on, it's fine. We'll just put it all on the table, you know, family style. Sheldon: Oh, sure. And while we're at it, why don't we put our hands behind our backs, have an old-fashioned eating contest? Leonard: Relax, it'll be fine, sit down, you guys. Everyone: NO! Bernadette: What? Penny: Oh, yeah, you can't sit there. Bernadette: Why not? Leonard: That's where Sheldon sits. Bernadette: He can't sit somewhere else? Penny: Oh no, no, you see, in the winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator so that he's warm, yet not so close that he sweats. In the summer, it's directly in the path of a cross-breeze created by opening windows there and there. It faces the television at an angle that isn't direct, so he can still talk to everybody, yet not so wide that the picture looks distorted. Sheldon: Perhaps there's hope for you after all. Credits sequence. Scene: A few moments later. Bernadette: Ooh, I love your shoes. Penny: Oh, thanks. They are cute, aren't they? Bernadette: Where'd you get them? Penny: Shoes for Less. Bernadette: I've been meaning to go over there. Penny: Oh, great selection, great prices. Sheldon: My mother was right. Hell is real. Howard: Come on, Sheldon. let the womenfolk chat. Penny: Womenfolk? Howard: Gals? Chicks? Utero-Americans? Penny: Just eat your dinner. Bernadette: Don't take him too seriously, a lot of what he says is intended as humour. Penny: Yeah, well, I don't think it's very funny. Bernadette: Me neither, but he just lights up when I laugh. Penny: Howard, never let her go. Bernadette: So, Leonard, Howard says you're working on fundamental tests of quantum mechanics. Leonard: I am. Are you interested in physics? Bernadette: Oh, I find it fascinating. If I hadn't gone into microbiology, I probably would have gone into physics. Or ice dancing. Leonard: Actually, my tests of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum interference effect have reached an interesting point. Right now, we're testing the phase shift due to an electric potential. Bernadette: That's amazing. Sheldon: Yes. Leonard's work is nearly as amazing as third graders growing lima beans in wet paper towels. (Raj whispers to him) While I appreciate the oh, snap, I'm uncomfortable having your moist breath in my ear. Bernadette: Are you going to try to set up the voltages using tunnel junctions? Leonard: Yes, I am. You want to see a simulation on my laptop? Bernadette: Oh, yeah, show me. In microbiology, the most exciting thing I get to work with is yeast. Sheldon: Howard? Howard: Yeah? Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful. Where did you get them? Howard: What? Sheldon: Bazinga. I don't care. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon and Raj are playing a racing game on the Wii. Raj: Ha! Eat my dust, racially stereotypical plumber. Sheldon: That's not fair. I got stuck behind a tree. Raj: And a cow and a penguin. Face it dude, whether it's a real car or a virtual cartoon car, you can't drive. Sheldon: Just need a little more practice. Raj: What you need is cheat codes, motor skills and a magic genie who grants wishes to little boys who suck at Mario Kart. Penny (knocking and entering): Hey, Sheldon, can I talk to you for a second? Sheldon: It's not about shoes, is it? I don't think I could go through that again. Penny: It's not about shoes. Sheldon: Then speak. Penny: Um, actually, can we do it in private? Sheldon: All right. (To Raj) Go away. I agree, it's rude, but she asked for privacy. Penny: Thanks, Raj. Okay, so here's the thing, I was wondering if you could maybe teach me a little physics? Sheldon: A little physics? There's no such thing. Physics encompasses the entire universe, from quantum particles to supernovas, from spinning electrons to spinning galaxies. Penny: Yeah, okay, cool. I don't need the PBS special, I just want to know enough so I can talk to Leonard about his job. You know, like Bernadette does. Sheldon: Why can't Leonard teach you? Penny: 'Cause I want to surprise him. Sheldon: Can't you surprise him in some other way? For example, I'm sure he'd be delightfully taken aback if you cleaned your apartment. Penny: Come on, Sheldon, this is important to me. Sheldon: Penny, this would be a massive undertaking, and my time is both limited and valuable. Penny: You're sitting here playing video games all day. Sheldon: Okay, point. What sort of foundation do you have? Did you take any science classes in school? Penny: Sure. I did the one with the frogs. Sheldon: The one with the frogs. Penny: Yeah, actually, it was pretty cool. A lot of the girls threw up, but I gutted that thing like a deer. Sheldon: I'm sorry, Penny, I don't think so. Penny: Oh, come on! A smart guy like you, it'll be a challenge. You can make it like an experiment. Sheldon: Interesting. I suppose if someone could teach sign language to KoKo the gorilla, I could teach you some rudimentary physics. Penny: Great! It's a little insulting, but great. I'll be KoKo. Sheldon: Not likely. KoKo learned to understand over 2,000 words, not one of which had anything to do with shoes. Scene: The university cafeteria. Howard: Hey, fellas. This is my girlfriend Bernadette. My girlfriend Bernadette. Bernadette: Who are all those people? Howard: Have no idea. Hey, Leonard. Bernadette: Hi. Leonard: Hey, look, it's Howard and his girlfriend Bernadette. Howard: Thought I'd give the little woman a tour of the old salt mines. Bernadette: He doesn't mean salt mines. He means where he works. Leonard: Yeah, no, I got it. Bernadette: So, how's your experiment going? Leonard: Ah, terrific. We're getting the electron accelerator set up. We should be ready to go day after tomorrow. Bernadette: Boy, I'd love to see that. Leonard: You're welcome to come. Bernadette: Really? Oh, that'd be great. How exciting is that? Howard: Like Hanukkah in July. Bernadette: Do they have that? Howard: No. Bernadette: Oh. You got me again. This isn't non-fat yogurt, this is fatty fat fat. Excuse me. Howard: Could you grab me another napkin, sweetie? Bernadette: Sure. Howard: Thanks, honey. (She goes) All right, what is your deal? Leonard: Excuse me? Howard: Inviting my girlfriend to come see your electron accelerator? Leonard: Yeah? So? Howard: Wow! You really are a piece of work. It's not enough you get the prom queen, you have to get the head of the decorating committee, too? Leonard: What are you talking about? Howard: Don't play innocent with me. I practically invented using fancy lab equipment to seduce women. Leonard: Has it ever worked? Howard: Not so far, but that's not the point! Leonard: Howard, relax, I'm not interested in your girlfriend. Howard: I hope not, because you don't want to mess with me. I'm crazy. Leonard: I believe you. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Research journal, entry one. I'm about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career, teaching Penny physics. I'm calling it Project Gorilla. Penny: Hey, Sheldon. Sheldon: Come in. Take a seat. Subject has arrived. I've extended a friendly casual greeting. Penny: Ready to get started? Sheldon: One moment. Subject appears well-rested and enthusiastic. Apparently, ignorance is bliss. All right, let us begin. Where's your notebook? Penny: Um, I don't have one. Sheldon: How are you going to take notes without a notebook? Penny: I have to take notes? Sheldon: How else are you gonna study for the tests? Penny: There's gonna be a test? Sheldon: Tests. Here. It's college-ruled. I hope that's not too intimidating. Penny: Thank you. Sheldon: You're welcome. Now, Introduction to Physics. What is physics? Physics comes from the ancient Greek word physika. It's at this point that you'll want to start taking notes. Physika means the science of natural things. And it is there, in ancient Greece, that our story begins. Penny: Ancient Greece? Sheldon: Hush. If you have questions, raise your hand. It's a warm summer evening, circa 600 BC, you've finished your shopping at the local market, or agora, and you look up at the night sky. There you notice some of the stars seem to move, so you name them planetes, or wanderer. Yes, Penny? Penny: Um, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work? Sheldon: This is the beginning of a twenty six hundred year journey we're going to take together from the ancient Greeks through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr to Erwin Schrodinger to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off. Penny: Twenty six hundred years? Sheldon: Yeah, give or take. As I was saying, it's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece... Yes, Penny? Penny: I have to go to the bathroom. Sheldon: Can't you hold it? Penny: Not for twenty six hundred years. Sheldon: Project Gorilla, entry two. I am exhausted. Scene: Howard's bedroom. Bernadette: Howard? Howard: Huh? Bernadette: It unhooks in the front. Howard: Oh, that explains a lot. Howard's Mother: Howard, I'm home! Howard: Of course. Howard's Mother: Senior fitness was cancelled. It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike. I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpootian eat gravel. Howard: That's great, Ma! Howard's Mother: What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man with half his chin scraped off? Bernadette: I guess I should go. Howard: No, no, don't move. Hey, Ma, can I have lamb stew for dinner? Howard's Mother: Lamb stew? I'd have to go to the supermarket. Howard: Please? I got a real hankering. Howard's Mother: Oh, I can't say no to my little tushy face. I'll be back soon. Howard: Thanks, Ma. Howard's Mother: Do you want the regular peas or the Le Seur? Howard: Always Le Seur peas with lamb stew! Howard's Mother: You're right! When you're right, you're right! What if they're out of the Le Seur? Howard: Then get the regular! Howard's Mother: All right! You don't have to yell! Howard: Sorry about that. Bernadette (her phone chimes): Let me just put that on vibrate. Howard: I'm already on vibrate. Bernadette: You know, that one I got. Howard, did you say something to Leonard about me? Howard: Uh, what do you mean? Bernadette: He says if I go see his experiment tomorrow it might weird you out. Howard: Really? He said that? Bernadette: You're not jealous of Leonard, are you? Howard: Me? No. I may have mentioned that it's a little inappropriate to be asking another man's girlfriend to his experiment without first discussing it with said man. Bernadette: Are you saying I need to ask your permission to hang out with Leonard? Howard: I didn't say anything like that. I said Leonard has to ask my permission. (Bernadette storms out) Come on, I don't want to eat lamb stew with my mother. Damn, I was this close on the bra. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Now, remember, Newton realized that Aristotle was wrong and force was not necessary to maintain motion. So let's plug in our 9.8 meters per second squared as A and we get force, Earth gravity, equals mass times 9.8 meters per second per second. So we can see that MA equals MG and what do we know from this? Penny: Uh, we know that... Newton was a really smart cookie. Oh! Is that where Fig Newtons come from? Sheldon: No, Fig Newtons are named after a small town in Massachusetts. Don't write that down! Penny: Sorry. Sheldon: Now, if MA equals MG what does that imply? Penny: I don't know. Sheldon: How can you not know? I just told you. Have you suffered a recent blow to the head? Penny: Hey! You don't have to be so mean! Sheldon: I'm sorry. (Smiling) Have you suffered a recent blow to the head? Penny: No, you just suck at teaching. Sheldon: Really? Of those two explanations, which one seems the most likely? Penny: Oh, God, Sheldon, look I'm trying to understand, but you're going too fast. Can you just back up a little bit? Sheldon: All right. It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece... Penny: Not that far back! Sheldon: Okay! At what point did you begin to feel lost? Penny: I don't know. Where were we looking up at the night sky? Sheldon: Greece. Penny: Damn it! Sheldon: There's no need to get frustrated, people learn at different rates. Unlike objects falling in a vacuum, which...? MA equals MG? Penny: Squared? Sheldon: No. Penny: Aristotle? Sheldon: No. Penny: Five? Sheldon: Oh! Penny: Then I don't know. Sheldon: Why are you crying? Penny: Because I'm stupid! Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad. Penny: Okay, look, can we just please forget about all this extra stuff and can you just tell me what Leonard does? Sheldon: All right. Leonard is attempting to learn why sub-atomic particles move the way they do. Penny: Really? That's it? Well, that doesn't sound so complicated. Sheldon: It's not. That's why Leonard does it. Penny: Okay, I just have one question. What exactly are sub-atomic particles? Sheldon: A good question. Penny: Thank you. Sheldon: And to answer it, we first must ask ourselves, what is physics? Penny: Oh, balls. Sheldon: It's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece... Scene: Leonard's lab. Howard: Okay, I got a bone to pick with you. Leonard: What did I do now? Howard: I was in bed with Bernadette, and you text-blocked me. Leonard: What? Howard: We were completely naked, about to devour each other when, you text her that I have a problem with her hanging out with you. Leonard: You do have a problem with her hanging out with me. Howard: Yeah, but that's not what you tell her. Leonard: What was I supposed to tell her? Howard: I don't know, something that doesn't make me come off as a petty, jealous douche. Leonard: And what would that be? Howard: Come on, do I have to think of everything? Bernadette: Hey, Leonard. Am I too late to see the experiment? Oh, hi. Howard: Hi. Bernadette: What are you doing here? Howard: Same thing you're doing here. I came to see Leonard's experiment. Bernadette: No, you didn't. You said Leonard's experiment was stupid. Leonard: You told her my experiment was stupid? Howard: I was just repeating what Sheldon said. Let's not get off topic, Bernadette, I need to apologize. I was wrong to tell you who you should be friends with. Leonard: Should I, um, leave you two alone? Bernadette: No, Leonard, you should hear this. Leonard: Okay, good, 'cause I wasn't really gonna go. Howard: Look, I know I come off as confident and worldly, but the truth is I'm not. Leonard: We're shocked. Howard: Which is why I tend to feel threatened by other guys. Leonard: Or loud noises, clowns and nuns. Howard: But I now realize how foolish that is. Leonard: He had a panic attack once when he got his head stuck in a sweater. Howard: It was a full turtleneck. Why aren't you helping me? Leonard: I don't know. Maybe because I'm crazy? Howard: Bernadette, please, I'm asking you to give me another chance. Bernadette: What do you think, Leonard? Should I give him another chance? Leonard: It's up to you. He didn't call your experiment stupid. Bernadette: Come here, tushy face. Leonard: Tushy face, that is going on Twitter right now. Scene: The apartment. Bernadette: Raj, you should've seen Leonard's experiment. The interference pattern was so cool when the electron beam was on. Leonard: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Most people aren't that interested in what I do. Penny: Actually, that's not true, Leonard. In fact, recently I've been thinking that given the parameters of your experiment, the transport of electrons through the aperture the nano-fabricated metal rings is qualitatively no different than the experiment already conducted in the Netherlands. Their observed phase shift in the diffusing electrons inside the metal ring already conclusively demonstrated the electric analogue of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum-interference effect. That's it. That's all I know. Oh, wait! Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts, not the scientist.

Howard becomes jealous of Leonard after Bernadette shows an interest in his work, causing friction in the relationship of all three. Penny becomes jealous over not being able to talk to Leonard about his job, and asks Sheldon to teach her about physics to mixed results.

fd_Schitt_s_Creek_01x01

fd_Schitt_s_Creek_01x01_0

(Birds chirp) (Doorbell rings) (Footsteps echo) (Doorbell rings) (Footstep clomp) (Doorbell rings twice, quickly) (Doors creaks open) Immigration? Revenue agent: Revenue. Missus Rose! There are people here from the government! (Rushed footsteps thud) (Moira screams shrilly) I've been gutted! John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life! Johnny: Well, how do you think I feel, Moira?! Eli was family, for God's sake! Leave your finances to me, he said! Son of a bitch! Alexis: Baby, it's crazy, people are just like, taking our stuff! I said, they're taking our stuff! Can you just step out of the club for a second, ple... Hold on, hold on! Those bags are not for you, my boyfriend bought those for me, so, theoretically, they are his! Revenue agent 1: Please sir, can you step aside? David: No, you step aside! You step aside! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what kind of a sick person wants to get paid to destroy another person's life! Destroy another person's life! Where are you taking that?! My very soul has been kidnapped, there's no ransom, no one's coming to save me! Johnny: We've got 15 minutes to collect our personals, can we pick up the pace?! Moira: No, no! Did you put Kristen with Robin? They don't like each other! Nooooo! Nooooo! (Sobbing) Lawyer: Eli really did a number, Johnny. He took everything. They're still looking for him, they think he's in the Caymans. He was our business manager, he's supposed to pay taxes! Hmm. There is a very small amount set aside for you, and one asset the government has allowed you to retain. The kids. Lawyer: The children are dependents, Moira. You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny. Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son. Wait, you actually purchased that town? Yes, I purchased the town, how else could I get the deed? Alexis: You could've photo shopped the deed! David: And saved the money! Why would I Photoshop a deed, the joke was owning the town! Moira: Okay, stop. Johnny: That was the joke! David: Oh my God! Johnny: Well, that was the joke! Lawyer: To Johnny's credit... This town just might be your saving grace, at least for a while. Moira: What do you mean? You can live there for next to nothing, until you get back on your feet. I'm sure there's a penthouse we can move into, please, there are other options. Well, homelessness is still on the table. [SCENE_BREAK] Alexis: The whole time I was surrounded by old women wearing visors, who smelled like yams! There was nowhere to lie down! There was nowhere to lie down, there was no bed! There was no kitchen. I know! No. I don't know what to tell you, there's like, cows all over the place, like, everywhere. I don't know if there's even a station, I don't know what's happening! (Clears throat) Johnny Rose! Roland Schitt. Oh, you're the mayor we're supposed to meet. That's right, I'm the mayor, so if you're looking for an ass to kiss, it's mine! (Chortles) Oh, this is my family, my son... Let's get you all squared away in the office there, Johnny, okay, the gals can grab the bags, you follow me, all right, right this way, watch it, honey, here we come. Alexis: The "Cheaters" marathon we watched, it's like that. Moira: Children, keep an eye on these bags. Apparently in hell, there's no bellman! Alexis: David, what are we... David: Shut up! Alexis: You shut up! David: You shut up! Alexis: Um, you shut up! David: You shhhut up! The name is Rose. I don't see a reservation under that name. It's okay, Stevie, I set aside two rooms for them. Well, there's nothing here. Well okay, fine, just book 'em in with two rooms, these people own the town; They're big deals. We'll need three rooms, minimum. Roland: Ooh, no can do, honey. Look, we have a one room comp policy here, and I am personally throwing in an extra room out of sheer decency, so... What about suites? Do you have a couple of suites? This guy! Um... No, this is a motel, so we cater more to off road truckers and drunk teenagers. Moira: Please, someone just give me a key, to a door, to a room any room! I just want a bathtub, and a long extension cord, please. Roland: There you go, ma'am. (Suitcases and boxes thud) It smells like a gym bag. Moira: Does anyone else feel light headed? Roland: Oh my God, this takes me back to high school. You know, I did the deed in just about every room in this place. Yep, if a forensic team came in here with one of those blue lights, this place would just light up! Okay, that's good. Alexis: Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! David: Oh my God. Oh my God! Oh hey, chief, the other room's right through there. (Keys jingle) Here you go. (Relaxed grunt) Moira: And there's the bed, I should probably pull off that cover, and... burn it. Roland: All right. Good, Roland, thank you very much, appreciate everything, uh... T.V. announcer: ... Have a ball in the land down under! Ever wanna ride a kangaroo? Okay. (Changing channels) Alexis: Okay. Okay. David: Oof! Alexis: Okay, okay. (Giggles) Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay! Okay. Okay. I love you! Oh, okay, well, it looks like you got all the channels except for Channel 19 for some reason. I don't know why. Well, the thing is we won't be watching a lot of television, but again, thank you, I don't want to keep you, I know you're a busy man. (Static hisses) (Gasps) (Muffled retch) Whoa! (Door creaks) Hi. Can I help you? David: I'm looking for an extra towel, Stevie: Okay... And this might be a stupid question, considering the state of the rugs in our room, but do you have a business centre here? Yes, we do have a business center. You can find it right outside the doors to your left, right beside the hammam spa. Would you like me to book you a treatment while you're at it? David: Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks. I'll get those right out. (Gunshots, dramatic music on television) Well Roland, once again, thank you for giving us the lay of the land here, but we have some serious unpacking to do. Oh, sure! Johnny: If you don't mind. No problem there, Johnny, I don't mind helpin' out. Listen, one thing before I go here, um... Do you mind if I use your toilet? Moira: Is it absolutely necessary? Roland: Uh, yeah, I would say it's absolutely necessary! (Laughs) Excuse me. Absolutely necessary. Yes, that train has left the station, if you know what I mean! (Chuckles) David: I need that bed. Alexis: Why? David: Because I need it. Alexis: Why? Because if someone were to break in here in the middle of the night wanting to murder us, they would attack this bed first, so I need this bed. So you're saying that you want me to get murdered first?! In front of you? And then what would you do? Would you just run away and leave me to bleed out... On the floor?! Uh, sort of, that was the plan, yeah. Alexis: Okay. Well, you can have the bed when I leave. David: Well, where are you going? Alexis: Stavros is flying in to get me, I told you that. What do you mean Stavros is com... What do you mean? When? When is he doing that? Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate stops hogging his plane. Well, where are we going? Okay, at present, he's just coming for me, but then I figured that we would just come back and grab you guys at some point. What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit soaked dump, to gallivant around the world with her dumb shipping heir loser boyfriend she's known for three months?! Um, David, it will be four months next month! Oh my God! And he just told me that he could potentially see himself considering saying "I love you" at some point sometime soon, so... That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm telling mom. I'm telling mom and dad, have you told them? Alexis: No! No David, I'm waiting for the right opportunity. Okay, otherwise dad's gonna cry, and mom's gonna do that thing where she pretends that nothing's wrong, and then just doesn't talk to me for five months, and I don't want that. Well, I need this bed! I need it, so. You know what, David?! You get murdered first for once! No, you get murdered first! David, you get murdered first! David: No, you! You do it! Alexis: Yes, you get murdered first! David, you get murdered first! (Door creaks open) I actually think this place is kinda cute. Moira: Did you say cute? No Alexis, Martha Stewart's Hampton home is cute. David: Where's that weird man? Where? He's in the bathroom. He... he won't leave! Well, he's been in there for a very long ti... Oh my God! Oh my God! (Toilet flushes) Roland: Jeez. Um... Boy. Remind me to get that window fixed. It will not open. Roland, listen, thank you very much, but I appreciate everything you've done, we need a little private time now, as a family. Sure, well actually, those curtains do close there so... Oh, look! You've got Channel 19! Roland, could you get the f*ck out?! T.V. announcer: This latest model is a revelation in innovation. I am not lying folks, it's gonna last you a lifetime. You are gonna thank... (TV clicks off) That was an overreaction. That was uncalled for. It's just... you know, we're a little tired, it's been a long day, there's a pharmacy worth of drugs wearing off on most of us right now, and I just think as a family, we just need a little time to chill. Johnny, please, you don't have to apologize, and you really don't have to hit me over the head with this sort of thing, I get it, you need your little family time and all that, I'm sure. No problem. You know what I'll do, I'll um... I'll just get the f*ck out of here. (Door slams, shade rattles forcefully) [SCENE_BREAK] David: Ugh, we have to eat in here?! Alexis: I think it's kinda sweet. Alexis, what's going on with you? Alexis: What do you mean? Moira: Seriously?! The room was "cute," this place is "sweet." David: I am personally offended by this place, I don't know what you think is nice about it. Moira: The town is disgusting. It is gruesome. Alexis: It is charming, it is quaint, it's like out of a storybook. Alexis, what the hell is the matter with you?! Okay... Stavros is flying in to get me, and I am going to go live with him for a little bit. Well, that is not happening. And I am appalled that my baby girl has turned into a selfish, duplicitous whore! Oh, hello! Twyla: Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today. Anyway, I read about you guys, and everything you've gone through, it sounds super crappy. Super crappy? I had a second cousin in Elmdale who did telemarketing, he made a ton of money. It turns out his entire business was illegal, and he lost everything. Hm... not quite the same. Yeah, no, he went to prison, which is terrible, but... But he is learning Spanish, no mas, le duele! I think it means, "stop, it hurts." Oh, wonderful anecdote. Could you give us a moment please? Whenever you're ready, I'm just right over here. I forbid you to abandon our family. I am a grown woman, mother. This is an act of a spoiled child! I think it's unforgivable! Alexis: I think that you're just super jealous, 'cause I'm getting out of here! Also, you have a big thing of dandruff on your eyebrow. David: Don't do that! Johnny: Kids, stop, stop! Moira: The world is falling apart around us John, and I'm dying inside. Johnny: Well, I'm feeling a little queasy myself. Oh, brisket! David: Give me... some spale! Alexis: David! Moira: John... Moira: Oh my God! Alexis: Umm... These rooms did have doors, didn't they? Yeah, it's a hotel, they're hotel rooms! It's a motel! These are motel rooms. What if they took our stuff?! David: What stuff? There's no stuff to take. I have stuff! Son of a bitch! (Door slams) Yeah, I've got a problem. If this is about doors... Yeah, it's about doors, yeah, my doors are gone, my front door, somebody stole my doors! Stevie: Yeah, you're gonna have to talk to Roland about that. He lives just down the street, you make a left out of the motel and then another left. It's a house with a truck in the driveway. There's a bumper sticker of a naked Helen Mirren. (Moira screams) Oh my God, no! No! No! Alexis: What?! Ah! My earrings! They were there. They're not there! David: Where did they go? I don't know! I don't know! First you threatened to abandon me, and now my precious diamonds are gone! Okay, you are super dramatic right now. Shut up and look for them! (Shrieks) (Whimpers, shrieks) (Screaming repeatedly) (Screams) (Sobbing hysterically) Get open! (Dog barks) Johnny: Roland, I see you behind the truck! Yeah, of course you see me. I'm looking at my gravel. Gravel these days, what are you gonna do? Johnny: Yeah, it's gravel. Roland: Yeah, it's gravel! Hey, good news for you. I talked to a guy about that bathroom window. That's the least of my concerns right now! Oh really? Well, why don't we address your concerns?! The doors! I want my doors back! Roland: Oh! Johnny: Before it gets dark! My son is afraid of moths. Oh, hmm. Well, here's the thing about that Johnny, you see, you did a bad thing. You disrespected me in front of your family! And now they think less of me. I doubt that's possible. And to be honest, you were kinda breathing down our necks a little bit back at the motel. Johnny, when I was a kid and I did a bad thing, my father took the doors off my room. And he said to me, "Roland, privacy is earned." I am having a tough time following that. What the hell does that have to do with privacy? Nothing. I just got mad, and I took your doors. Look, if you took offense to anything I said back at the motel, just know it wasn't personal. All right, apology accepted. Well, that was less of an apology, and more of an explanation. Nevertheless, I accept your apology. Which it wasn't! So thank you again for that apology. Well, there was no apology, and I can't do this anymore! You said you're sorry in a very sweet and humble way, and that takes a big man to do that, and that's what Johnny Rose is! A big man! Ooh! Moira: Oh! (Banging) Hello! Hello! Hi, hello, come here, please. I don't suppose you saw any hobos or crackheads loitering around the hotel today? No crackheads, no... While the rooms were exposed to the world like a Moroccan fair, someone got in here and stole my earrings. But it was just... but it was just you here today. Stevie: It was. Moira: It was. I'm assuming you were the only one here on the premises today? I think I know where you're going with this. No, I'm simply confirming that you alone were here when the earrings were stolen. Are you asking me if I stole your earrings? No, I would never, please! But I also would certainly never press charges if my earrings were suddenly to be returned. If they suddenly reappeared, if you gave them back I would not press charges, I would look the other way. Okay, you know what? I gotta run. 'Cause I wanna hit the pawn shop before it closes. I owe my crack dealer a ton of money, so. You seem like you have this under control, though. David: What just happened?! Moira: David, I politely asked that concierge girl if she had stolen my earrings, and she turned ice cold, and now she's on her way to a pawn shop! David: What?! I need a towel! Hello, hi. Hi, I am sorry if my mom accused you of taking something. Stevie: It's fine. Okay, but does this mean that when you're cleaning our rooms, you're gonna put weird stuff in our beds out of spite, or something? I won't be cleaning your room. Okay, can I ask you a question? Shoot. I think you're kind of rude! Is that a question? I have asked you thrice now for a towel, so that I may wash this town off my body. Do you think I wanna be here? Do you think I wanna be here?! I don't know what you want, you've given me one word answers since I got here! So if I get you a towel you'll stop following me to my car? Yes! Yes! Fine, but I'm only doing this because you called me rude, and I take that as a compliment. The man is a lunatic! What the hell happened here? We've been robbed. Right now some local is pawning my earrings for crank. Johnny: Your diamonds?! Moira: Yes, my diamonds, the one thing I could hide under my tongue. Moira, I took your earrings out of here, and I put them in my shoe. For safekeeping. Alexis: No! No! (Anguished sob) Stavros just texted me. And he ended it, he's not coming! He said he doesn't have time to come and get me, because he already rsvp'd to Diddy's white party, and doesn't have time to do both! But I was supposed to be his date to the white party! Alexis, he was never my favourite Stavros. I've hated that guy ever since he asked me to do lines with him at my sixtieth. Just out of sheer curiosity, um, where do you stand now on whether or not you think this motel is cute? Like, is it still cute, or is it... You're a dick, David! David: Oh, I'm a dick! Okay, did I dump you for a party?! Johnny: David, help me with the doors. No I can't, I just got out of the shower. I need help with the doors. David: Oh my God! Alexis: David, help him with the doors! David: You help him with the doors! Alexis: No! David, could you help me with the doors?! It's air drying! Pick up a hammer, and nail this coffin shut! As if I didn't see this coming. He's broken up with me five times already. Like, there was that time that he never met me in Rio, and remember that time that he gave me his ex wife's engagement ring? And then, last summer, that time that he left his Molly in my glove compartment, and then I got arrested? Oh my God! Can you do me a huge favour? And never repeat this to anyone that you respect, okay? David: Okay? Okay. Alexis: Okay. Kids, we just came in to say good night, and to remind you that we will get through this... David: Okay, good night! Johnny: As a family... David: Warmest regards to you both. And that will end up on our feet in no time! Of course, by then our feet will be shoeless, and filthy and mangled, from walking on cigarette butts and broken beer bottles. So, seriously Alexis, enough about Stavros! I'm sorry if I am going through something right now! David: You're going through something?! Moira: Good night, children. Johnny: Good night! David: Good night. Alexis: (Tearfully) Good night. Moira: Let's all pray we don't wake up.

After their business manager steals all of their money, the once-wealthy Roses are forced to move to the town of Schitt's Creek, which Johnny bought in 1991 as a joke gift for David; they take up residence in the town's motel.

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fd_Dawson_s_Creek_03x05_0

[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Pacey and Dawson are there. Pacey is talking into a fan.] Pacey: [imitating Darth Vader] Luke, I am your father. Dawson: Pacey? You're monopolizing what's passing for a breeze. Pacey: Ahh. Dawson, this is gonna go down as one of the most abysmal movie nights ever. Dawson: [Laughs] care to elaborate? Pacey: Well, look around you, my friend. We're 2 happening young guys in the prime of our lives, who can't find anything better to do than sit in some dark room on the middle of an armpit-staining indian summer and watch old movies. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, Dawson, but didn't we used to have a couple of really cute girlfriends? Dawson: It was a long time ago, Pacey, in a galaxy far, far away. [Sighs] God... I can't wrap my head around this film noir stuff. It's making it really difficult to turn out a paper on it. Pacey: Well, of course you can't wrap your head around it, Dawson. Dawson: Excuse me? Pacey: Well, what we're watching here is the cinema of cynicism. No self-respecting son of Spielberg would feel comfortable in a morally ambiguous world populated with hard-boiled antiheroes and duplicitous femme fatales. Dawson: You know what? Could we just reschedule this verbal joust, pace? It's a little too hot for spiky repartee. Pacey: [Laughs] Mmm. But this, right here? This is celluloid a fellow like me can relate to. Pacey Witter is nothing if not the walking, talking embodiment of the fallible protagonist. Dawson: Ok, Johnny anti-hero, explain to me this, how can this guy not know that this woman is setting him up for a fall of epic proportions? Pacey: Because, Dawson, not all of us are as immune to the lure of s*x as you are. I mean, not all of us would opt for the warm and fuzzy emnal connections over those of, let's say, a more physical nature. You know what I mean? Most of us are just big, dumb guys happy to sell our souls for the slimmest chance of gettin' some. Dawson: Can I quote you on that? Pacey: Oh, yeah. Witter, 2 "t's." Fun time's over. All this rapid-fire deconstruction is making me weary, Leery. I think I shall retire to cooler climes, namely, the air-conditioned interior of my pop's squad car. Dawson: Good night, Pacey. Pacey: Mm-hmm. [Dawson looks out his window, and notices some light coming from inside the Lindley house. He picks up the phone and calls the police.] Dawson: Yeah, I'd like to report a possible robbery. [He goes outside and discovers someone climbing out the window, and when he gets to her, he finds out that it is Eve.] Eve: Hi, Dawson. [Opening Credits.] [Scene: Dawson's House. Dawson is dragging Even inside.] Dawson: Ok, explanation. Eve: Ouch! Thanks to your nosy neighbor antics out there, Dawson, I fell down and went boom. Kiss and make better? Dawson: Eve, I just called the police. They're gonna be here any minute. Eve: Ok, I'll spill. We didn't want you to find out this way, Dawson, but me and Jen? We're having ourselves quite the torrid little affair. Sleep-overs, late night pillow fights, brushing each other's hair, tickling each other's arms, all that groovy stuff we girls do in pretty pink rooms, behind closed doors. Dawson: There was a breaking, there was an entering, and there was a flashlight. All that's missing is a ski mask. Eve: Good god, not even he suggestion of teen lesbianism can get you off my case. Can we just, like, make out or something? Let me kiss all your queries away. Dawson: Eve, either you tell me your version, or I tell the police mine. Eve: Fine. Do what your big, bleeding heart wants, Dawson, but here a filthy 4-letter word for you, and don't you dare blush. P-S-A-T, baby. Don't you remember where you were when the cataclysmic PSAT scandal of '99 went down? I for sure do. Dawson: Is that some sort of threat, Eve, because if I may remind you, you're the one that actually stole the test. Eve: And may I remind you thaw you're the one who gladly accepted the offer? So feel free to get all boy-scouty on me, Dawson, but you should know I get quite the perverse little thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the "sweet valley high" extras you call your friends? [Knocking] [Dawson answers the door and Deputy Doug is ther.] Dawson: Doug, hi. Uh, my sincerest apologies. I--I thought I saw something next door, but it was actually just, uh, Jen, uh, sneaking in the window so as not to disturb Grams. Doug: You sure about that, Dawson? Dawson: Yeah. Yeah, just... Doug: Ok, then. [Scene: In an open field. Jack and Jen are lying down on a blanket staring up into the sky.] Jack: I saw this article in this magazine once, they put this thing up in the sky, so that the kids studying astronomy could track something during the night, and I think that is it, or maybe that's it. Jen: Wait. You, you expect me to believe there's some sort of giant disco ball orbiting the earth? Jack: Ok, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of stupid. Maybe we should start thinking about getting out of here. Jen: I don't think so. Not before the main event. Come on, we've got the stars, we've got the moonlight, it's perfect. Jack: Yeah. Lying in the grass, on a hot indian summer night with your gay best friend. That's your definition of perfect? Jen: A girl could do a lot worse. Jack: Come on, Jen, I know you too well. You can't tell me there isn't someone else that you'd rather be stargazing with. Jen: Ok, you got me. Matt Damon. Jack: Yeah right. Jen: What, you don't approve? All right, I'll have to go with Ben Affleck, then. Well, he's got that scruffy, indie credit appeal. Well? Jack: No comment. Besides, I was talking more about the realm of the, oh, say possible? Henry, for instance? Jen: The freshman? Jack: Yeah, the guy paid $500 bucks just to kiss you. You've got to admit, that's kind of sweet. Jen: Jack, Jack, Jack, my naive little pet, it the sweet ones that you have to watch out for. They'll run over you like a mack truck. Jack: Yeah, well, Henry's harmless. Besides, he worships you. Jen: Come on, he's a teenage boy. He'd worship anything in a wonder bra. Besides, I'm already sleeping with the best looking guy on the football team. And best friends are nothing to sneeze at. God, I remember when first met Joey and Dawson. I was so envious of what they had, all that history. Then that whole boyfriend- girlfriend thing kicked in. See, that's what's so great about us. s*x will never come you and me. [It starts to rain.] Jen: Oh, no! Oh, god, no! No! Get the shoes! Get the shoes! No, wait, wait get the shoes! Jack: I got them. Not so tough now, are you, homecoming queen? Jen: Aah! Jen: Look a you. And you said that this wasn't perfect. [Scene: At the marina. Joey is working on the dock, when Rob comes up to her.] Rob: Come on, Potter, take a break. Hydrate yourself. Joey: No thanks, I'm fine. Rob: I insist. It would look very bad for the Logan family if you got heatstroke and died on them. Joey: It's nice to know you care. Rob: How can it possibly be this hot at 7:30 in the morning? He goes to take off his shirt] Is this gonna offend your delicate sensibilities? Joey: I'll probably swoon with excitement, but seeing as though I need this job to support my sister and nephew, I will just choose to look the other way. Rob: So, uh, Potter, what do you say? You and me, m vies tonight? Joey: Oh, joy. Is this the part of our workday where you get inappropriate? Rob: That depends on what your answer is. Joey: My answer is, ask me again in 2 years, when I am legal. Rob: You watch, Potter. Some other lucky little lady's gonna take me up on this offer, and you're gonna be green with envy. Joey: I think I can live with that possibility. [He sprays her with the hose.] Joey: Stop it! Stop! Rob: Why, it's just water. Joey: Stop it! Stop it! Rob: Come on. What, are all teenage girls as uptight you? Joey: No, just the ones with half a brain. [Scene: School office. Dawson is trying to get some information from the secretary there.] Secretary: You say this girl is a very close friend? Dawson: Uh, very close, yes. Secretary: And yet, you don't have the slightest idea where she lives? [Scene: The Strip Club. Dawson is there talking to the bartender.] Bartender: Oh, I'm sorry, kid. We're closed. Dawson: I'm not here for the titillations, sir. I'm actually looking for a girl I go to school with. She used to work here. Bartender: What's the name? Dawson: h, Whitman. Eve Whitman. She's, a tall, leggy blonde genetically engineered to corrupt the male species? Bartender: Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, young man, but I think somebody's playing games with you. Dawson: What do you mean? Bartender: Kid, how old are you, 16? Dawson: Yeah. Bartender: Now, if you're 16, that means you're underage, and if you're underage, you would never be permitted into my establishment. And if you're going to school with one of my girls, that means she would be under age as well. So, what can we take away from today's tutorial, huh? [Scene: School Office. The secretary is talking with Dawson.] Secretary: There is not, there was not, there never has been an eve Whitman enrolled at Capeside high. [Scene: School Hallway. Henry and Jack are walking down the hall. Henry is trying to hurry Jack.] Henry: Come on, come on. Let's go, already. Jack: I don't see why we have to practice in this heat. It's gotta violate, like, a thousand child endangerment laws. Henry: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talk to the hand. Listen, we're late. Big, bad Mitch is gonna kick our-- [Henry see's Jen walking towards them.] Jack: Our what? Henry: Don't look. She's coming. She's coming this way. Just act normal. Jack: Henry, when she comes over here, just ask her out already, ok, because this is ridiculous. Henry: It's not that easy, ok? You don't know how hard it is for me to talk to her. I mean, look at her. Look, she's, like, this perfect thing. Jack: You think she looks good in that, you should see her in a towel. [Jen comes up eating an ice cream.] Jen: Mmm, boys, do I have good news. Jack: The ice cream man? Jen: Right outside. You want a lick? Jack: Uh, no thanks. Jen: Henry? Henry: H...Uh... Mmm-mmm, no? Jen: Ok, suit yourself. I'll see you later? Jack: Later. Jen: Bye, Henry. Henry: Um... [Jen leaves.] Henry: Oh. You see? You see what happens to me? Why I can't ask her out? She gets within 3 feet of me, and it's like my hard Drive crashes. I go pre-verbal. Probably if I ask her out, I'd hurl all over her like that little kid in south park. Jack: Ok, so what if you didn't have to ask her out? Henry: You mean, like, you could get her to ask me out? I'm so down with that feminist stuff. Jack: Henry, I'm good, but I'm not that good. No, what if your first date was like, um, was like kismet? You know, like fate? 2 people just happening to be at the exact same place, at the exact same time. [Scene: Along a street. Deputy Doug is walking and Dawson comes up to him.] Doug: Dawson Leery. How are things that go bump in the night? Dawson: Deputy Witter. I was wondering if I could pose a hypothetical? Doug: Pose away. Dawson: Well, I'm working on a screenplay. It's a film noir piece with a cop protagonist. I was wondering if I could pick your brain on a few story points. Doug: How can I help? Dawson: Uh, well, I could use some help with procedure, actually, um, I'm stuck on the part where the hero is trying to track down the femme fatale who's all but disappeared at this point. Now, how would a law enforcement professional such as yourself, go about finding someone who doesn't want to be found? Doug: Well, that's a good question, Dawson. Now, part of police work is knowing who your enemy is. So, let me ask you this, who is this girl? Dawson: She's kind of a lost soul. I mean, she comes off like sort of a wild child, but I think there's something really sweet and vulnerable underneath all her posturing. Doug: Laundromat. Dawson: Come again Doug: Laundromat. Dawson: Uh, laundromat. Doug: Uh-huh. Dawson: Really? Doug: Yeah, you know, you see, Dawson. In a small town such as Capeside, everybody, except for those with questionable hygiene sensibilities, of course, has to do their laundry at some point. Dawson: So, you're saying you would stake out the laundromat. Doug: Exactly. [Scene: A park bench. Dawson and Pacey are sitting and talking to each other.] Pacey: Obsession is not a pretty thing, my friend. Dawson: Come on, doesn't it bother you? Pacey: What, that we don't know all about Eve? Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: Let me give you a little life lesson from the Witter vault, Dawson. Dawson: Oh, god. Pacey: There are some women who will come onto the movie set that is your life, and function solely as day players. They'll show up, know their dialogue, they'll hit their marks, they'll occasionally steal a scene or 2 from you, but they will remain always and forever an impenetrable mystery. Dawson: But Eve barged in on my life, and stirred things up for her own amusement. Pacey: Correct me if I'm wrong, Dawson, but didn't she try to go where no girl has gone before? Dawson: Synopsize with me. She works in a strip club, but she doesn't, all right? She says she goes to our school, but she doesn't. She appears, she disappears. She reappears without rhyme or reason, who the hell is this girl? Pacey: Ok, simmer down, Dawson. This girl is giving you a melt-down, god. All right, here's what I propose. You and I take a little trip down to the video store, you want uh, film noir, right? How about that one with Matt Dillon where he has that really outstanding threesome with Neve Campbell and that chick from Starship troopers? Yeah. Oh, hey, one more thing. My brother. He, uh, he gave you the laundromat speech, didn't he? Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: [Laughs] Dawson: [grunts] yo. [He se's Eve getting a hotdog from a nearby stand.] Pacey: Well, Deputy Doug's laundromat theory may be all well and good, but it's a tad too Andy of Mayberry for my taste. Given my druthers, I much prefer sheriff dad's dissertation on how to pin a tail on the suspect. Watch and learn, my friend. [Scene: At the Marina. Joey is working, and Rob comes up and rings the bell.] Rob: Uh, miss? A little service here, please? Joey: Very funny. Rob: I'm serious. I've got my father's sea ray cruiser over there. Could you fill it up for me? I don't want to get gas all over myself. I'm on a date here. Joey: So I smell. Um, you may have gone a little overboard on the CK One. Rob: Wait till you see her, Potter, she's a cutie. About your age, too. Better dresser, though. Not so uptight about showing off a little skin. I'm gonna get so lucky tonight. Joey: Don't tell me you actually found some high school girl so riddled with insecurities that she would actually fall for your minor league Humbert Humbert impersonations? [They get to the boat and Andie is on it.] Andie: Hey, Joey. Isn't this great? I was at the country club today with my dad, 'cause he's thinking about joining, and I ran into Rob. Joey: I didn't know you 2 knew each other. Andie: Oh, sure. He went to prep school with my brother Tim. [to Rob] So, did you know that Joey and I were friends? Rob: Oh, I had a sneaking suspicion. After all, it is a small town. Joey: So, Andie, where's money bags taking you tonight? All the way down to the Bahamas and back? Andie: No, you know, we're just going to the movies. It's too hot to do anything else. Rob: Well, almost anything else. Andie: That wasn't a sexual overture, was it? Rob: Shh, Andie. Not in front of the K-I-D. Joey: I'm all finished here. Rob: Great. Here you go, Potter. Buy yourself something pretty. Joey: Save it for bail money. Andie: Ok. Let's see what this puppy can do. Bye, Joey! [Scene: At Jack and Jen,s spot in the field. Jen is lying on a blanket looking up into the sky. Henry see's her and starts to make his way to her. He is looking at some notes written on his hand.] Henry: [To himself] What a coincidence. Moonlight. Tell her how nice she looks. What a beautiful spot this is. Don't puke, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke, don't puke. Jen: Henry? Henry: Uh... Jen: You ok? Henry: Uh... Jen: Uh, gulp once for yes, twice for no. Henry: [Gulps once] Jen: Once. Good, ok. What's on your hand? Henry: Uh, nothing. Jen? Jen: Yeah? Henry: You, you're awesome. You look awesome, you smell awesome , everything about you is awesome. I, I just, I wanted you to know that. Jen: [Laughs] Uh, good to know. So, what are you doing here? Henry: Hanging... Out, you know? The same thing you are, just, just hanging out. Jen: Actually, I'm just waiting for Jack. Henry: Oh, well, Jack couldn't be here tonight, see, because he had these other plans. Important plans, so, so he sent me instead. Jen: Ok, I think I know where this is going. Continue. Henry: Um, that's, that's it. Jen: Out with it, Henry. Henry: Well, I, I guess he thought if you were here and I were here, and we were both... Here. Here. Together. Then it would sort of be like a date, you know, like our first date? Jen: Look, Henry, I know that you're new at this being all of, uh, I don't know, what, 14? Henry: 15. Jen: Ok, 15. Dating is a consensual activity that usually involves some sort of pre-arrangement. Next time, don't skip the part where you ask me. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: On the docks later that night. They see Eve inside a boat. She changes her shirt then leaves the boat again.] Pacey: And the plot thickens, my friend. Phoo... Dawson: [Clears throat] where're you go n'? Pacey: What, are you daft, ma I'm goin' after her. That girl is in dire need of following. Come on. All right. Good. Dawson: No, you can go follow her around. I'm gonna stay here and check out that boat. Pacey: Sure, now you're thinkin', butch. [He goes into the boat, and looks around. He finds some of her clothes and a picture, which he picks up and puts into his pocket. He starts to leave the boat, when there is a flashlight in his face.] Doug: Hands up! You're under arrest. [SCENE_BREAK] Doug: Dawson leery. Why am I not surprised? Let me guess: Research for your screenplay? Dawson: No, a friend of mine lives here. Doug: This friend wouldn't, by any chance, be your mysterious femme fatale, would she? Dawson: No. Nothing as lurid as that, I'm afraid...Just a friend. Doug: Aw, funny. Never figured you to be the type to be, uh, pals with octogenaria. Dawson: Come again? Doug: That boat, on which you were very much a trespasser, belongs to a Mr. and Mrs. Paul Stepmuck. Sweet little couple. Somewhere in their late eighties. Dawson: Oh. Yeah. Oh. Doug: Dawson, the Stepmucks are big fans of Capeside, but only in the summertime. They spend the rest of their golden year in New York City. Dawson: Heh, well, I... Must have clambered aboard the wrong boat then. Doug: Maybe you did clamber wrong. Then again, maybe your friend is the one we've been looking for. Dawson: What do you mean? Doug: A couple of weeks ago, somebody stole a speedboat from the marina and took it for a little joyride. Dawson: A speedboat, really? Doug: You wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Dawson? Dawson: No. Heh. I mean, why would I? Doug: Look Dawson... I know that you're a good kid, but something is going on with you. All of a sudden, you're the boy who cried 911, you pose thinly veiled hypotheticals to an officer of the law, and all of this revolves around some mysterious femme fatale. Which, of course, begs the question... Is there something you have to tell me, Dawson? [Pacey returns to them.] Pacey: Deputy Doug in the house! Doug: Ha ha ha! Oh, I should have known. Wherever there's smoke, there's my imbecilic little brother. Pacey: Doug, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, despite his dapper, appearance, my friend Dawson does not play for your team, ok? You're just gonna have to find another date to the policeman's ball. Doug: Little brother, your obsession with my sexuality is just plain weird. Look, do I have to talk to dad again, huh? Pacey: Doug... it may not be today, and it may not be tomorrow, and it might not even be the day after that, but one of these days, you're gonna go to your mailbox, you're gonna open it up, and that advocate story will be yours... And the copy's gonna read: Good cop, gay cop... The Dougie Witter story. And I'm tellin' ya, Doug, we are gonna be so proud of you. Really, truly. [Chuckling] Doug: Oh. I am not gay! Now, both of you, of these dock now! I mean it. [They leave Doug by the boat.] Dawson: Well? Pacey: Uh, she's squirrelly, that one. Lost me like that. [Scene: The Rialto Theater lobby. Andie is there and Joey enters and walks up to her.] Andie: Oh, my god, Joey! What are you doing here? Joey: Oh, it doesn't matter. Andie: Come here. Isn't this amazing? Me on a date with Rob Logan, Senator Logan's son. His parents are loaded. Not that that matters, but it doesn't hurt either, and he's so cute. Joey: Slow down, Andie, ok? Rob Logan is not a nice guy. Since I started working for him, my life has become one gigantic leer fest. He's a creep to an exponential degree. Andie: Ok, Joey, this may come as a surprise to you, but not everybody minds being looked at as a sexual object. Joey: The guy hits on me daily in a wide variety of creative and not-so-creative ways. My first day, he walked in on me while I was changing my clothes. Andie: Why are you trying to ruin this for me? Joey: Look, I--I'm not trying to ruin anything. I just thought you should know what kind of a guy Rob Logan really is. Andie: Uh, Joey, guys is hardly your area of expertise. I mean, between Dawson and my gay brother... I'm sorry, but it's true. You're not exactly sophisticated when it comes to dealing with guys. Get a grip, ok? Joey: It's--it's not about me. Andie: Yeah, it is, Joey. I mean, you're still fixated on Dawson, and you're so closed off to any new experience, that a guy so much as looks at you and you freak out. Joey, staying home every Friday night isn't gonna bring him back. Joey: Going out with a nimrod like Rob Logan is a recipe for recovery? Andie, if you think this little escapade is going to help you get over Pacey Andie: Joey, I'm moving on with my life. Somehow I thought you, of all people would understand that and be happy for me. I guess I was wrong. [Scene: Inside the theater. Andie is going to sit down by Rob.] Andie: Excuse me. Sorry. Rob: I was getting worried. You missed the previews and the dancing candy. Andie: Sorry, long line. This is gonna be great. Heh heh. [Joey comes into the theater and makes her way over to sit next to them.] Joey: Excuse me. Comin' through. Sorry. Sorry. Andie: Joey, what are you doing? Joey: These are great seats. Regular or diet? I couldn't remember, so I got both. Andie: No, get out of here. Now. Joey: Mmm. Andie, in the light of the day you can psychoanalyze me all you want, but I am not leaving you alone with this guy. Rob: What the hell's going on here, Potter? Joey: Do you like nachos? Personally, I find them to be one of the more disgusting innovations in movie food. I mean, all this congealed stuff. It's not even... Cheese. You know, it's kind of cheese food. Here. Try 'em. I'm sorry. I didn't know. [Crackling candy box] Oh, this is comic good... This stuff. Goober? [Scene: Inside Gram's Kitchen. Grams is in the kitchen when Jack enters.] Grams: There's ice cream in the freezer. Jack: Oh, yeah. Ever since I started playing football, I've been eating you out of house and home, huh? Grams: No problem. Jack: I just wish I felt a little more, like I was earning my keep around here. Grams: But you are. You are making my granddaughter happy. Happier than I've seen her in quite a long while. [Slamming door] Grams: Oh, Jennifer, you scared me half to death. Jen: I'm sorry, grams. Getting surprised really sucks, doesn't it, Jack? Grams: Jennifer Jen: This is between Jack and I. So, how does it work? Do you take cash or credit card? And is it just Henry or am I gonna have to service the entire football team? Jack: Jen, calm down. You're overreacting. Grams: Which one of you is going to tell me what's going on here? Jack: I--I just thought I'd do a favor for a friend. So, I set 'em up. I thought it would be romantic. Jen: About as romantic as a car-jacking. Jack: Jen, he's just a kid, all right? He's a nice kid, he likes you. Jen: Yeah, he's a real nice kid. He stares at me like I'm a pornographic fantasy come to life. Jack: That's because he's infatuated with you. Jen: Well, I'm not infatuated with him. And I told you that a thousand times, and you didn't listen to me. You took his side. Jack: I didn't take anybody's side. I--I Jen: You just want to get your little football buddy lucky. Well, sorry. [Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. He enters his room to find Eve there going through stuff.] Dawson: What the hell are you doing in my room? Eve: I want my picture back. Dawson: And I want some answers. Eve: Fine, Dawson. What would you like to know? Dawson: I'd like to know why every single word out of your mouth has been a lie. Why you claim to be a high school student when you're not. Why you're living in a yacht that doesn't belong to you. I want to know, once and for all, who you are. Eve: You have every right to ask those questions, Dawson. And I promise you, the answers are forthcoming. Dawson: Eve, I'm sick and tired of being toyed with. Ever since you slam-danced your way into my life, I've wrecked my father's boat Eve: That was so worth every penny and you know it. Dawson: It's been one disaster after another. Eve: I turn a dork into a stud in a matter of weeks, and this is my thank you note? Where's the love? Dawson: Eve, the gee-aren't-I-so-hip-and-amoral routine is really old. Eve: Is that what you think I am, amoral? Dawson: Either that or a criminal. Eve: Sticks and stones, Dawson. Now, give me back my picture. Dawson: Eve, for the last time, what were you doing in grams' house? Eve: Looking for something to steal... To get bus money out of here. There satisfied? Now, give it to me. Dawson: Not until you tell me how a faded, old snapshot could mean so much to someone as cold and detached as you. Eve: You're right, Dawson. I never was a student. The yacht... Not mine. I was just sort of squatting. And that girl's my mother, Dawson... Whom I've never met. Whom I'm trying to find. And that picture is my only clue. [Commercial Break.] Dawson: Talk. I'll listen. Eve: Ok, let's see... Where to begin? How 'bout last Christmas as I was rummaging around in the attic looking for some wrapping paper? I found the photo in question... Of the girl that bears me an uncanny resemblance. Dawson: What did you do? Eve: I asked my folks, of course. Dawson: And? Eve: Painted into a corner, mom and major dad finally told me the truth. Dawson: That you were adopted? Eve: That's right. No more calls, we have a winner. Dawson: What did you do? Eve: Nothing. Very strangely, no angst whatsoever. It's only after that it kind of crept up on me that I... Had this estrogen-charged urge to seek out the missing pieces of the puzzle. Dawson: Which brings you to Capeside. Why? Eve: All I know about my birth mother is that she lived somewhere in this part of the country... Near the ocean. So, I've been traveling up and down the eastern seaboard, asking questions along the way, hoping to get lucky. Dawson: And have you? Eve: Depends on what you mean. No, Dawson, I haven't found her. Not yet, anyway, and not here. Which mean's time for me to move on... Dawson: And so ends another installment in my melodrama. It's more movie-of-the-week than film noir. With an edge. Eve: With a lot of edge. Heh. Oh, I don't know. Dawson: Eve, call me gullible, but... This time I actually believe you. [He gives her back the picture.] Eve: Thanks, Dawson. You're a hugely sweet boy. And you're right, I played with you. I do that, I guess. I move into a new town, and chances are I'm not staying forever, so I play a role. That way no one can get close to me. And believe me, most guys are content with me, the actress. But you dug at me... You wanted to see inside of my screwed-up little soul. Dawson: Well, I mean... Once you get past the lying, and the stealing, and the using s*x as a weapon. Ha... There's a lot of good stuff in there. Eve: I hope I haven't done anything irredeemable. Because I'd like to think you would remember me once in a while and smile. Dawson: Well, the ride in my father's boat alone will always elicit at least a giddy grin or 3. Eve: See, there you go. Maybe I'll even get a footnote in the unauthorized biography. Dawson: You just might warrant a whole chapter. Eve: I'll be checking the credits for you, Dawson. Dawson: Take care, Eve. [Scene: Jack and Jen's Spot. Jen is sitting there thinking and Jack comes up to sit down next to her.] Jack: Should I just fall on my sword now or wait until the battle's over? Jen: What do I care? Either way you're a dead man. Jack: Look, uh... This whole Henry thing... You got it all wrong, ok? I didn't do it for him. I did it for you. I'm serious. I--I--I just wanted to show you that the things that you want are there for the taking, if you just, you know, believe you deserve them. Jen: You don't get it. This was our place. Yours and mine. Doesn't that mean something to you? Jack: Yeah of course it does.. But... don't you want more? Jen: No. Not from this. Jack... I've had lovers, I've had boyfriends, but--but what I've never had is a boy who is, first and last, a friend... Who wasn't secretly trying to get in my pants or wouldn't walk away from me the second I said I didn't want to sleep with him... Who liked me...For me. Unless you've recently decided to be bisexual. Jack: [Laughs] Jen: You know, I think that you setting me up was a lot more about you than it was me. Jack: Come on, give me a break. I do not have a secret crush on Henry Parker. Jen: Neither do I, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean, maybe it's you who's lonely for the relationship. Jack: Well, maybe I am. But this isn't exactly New York, where gay kids are tripping over each other comin' out of the closet. This is Capeside. Gay population is one. It's me. I'm it. Jen: Jack... You're gonna have a love life. Gonna have a fantastic love life, and it's gonna be... Awesome and terrifying and-- and when it happens it's gonna change your whole life. Jack: Yeah, it's easy for you to say. Jen: I know it is. You just-- you have to have faith... That sometimes things happen when they're least expected. [It starts to rain again.] Jen: Pfftt! What did I tell you? [Laughing] whoo! Whaa! [Scene: At the marina. Joey is working and Andie comes up to talk to her.] Andie: Hey. Joey: Hi. Uh, stud puppy's not here yet. You must have kept him out pretty late last night. Andie: Ok, nothing happened. And not that you deserve an explanation, but right after the movie, he walked me to my front door, and he was a perfect gentleman. Joey: Yeah, he's a prince... Prince of darkness. [Rob comes up to them.] Andie: Hey, rob. Rob: Slackin' off on the job again, Potter? Andie: Uh, you know, Joey and I just...Girl talk. Rob: Yeah, I know. So, last night, quite a threesome... only next time I want to be in the middle. It was kind of an unexpected pleasure though. I mean, I assumed you were working. Don't we usually stay open till 8:00 on Fridays? Joey: Nobody ever comes in after 7:00. You know that, rob. Rob: Just answer the question, Potter. Joey: Uh... We usually stay open until 8:00 on Fridays. Rob: You're fired. Joey: What?! Rob: You heard me. I'm in charge here, and it's unacceptable for an employee to close early without my permission. Joey: Oh, yeah, and that's really why you're firing me, Rob. Rob: Spare me the adolescent mini-drama, Potter. You're fired because you closed early. End of story. Andie: No, wait, Joey. Um, she can explain. I mean, this is all just a really big misunderstanding. Joey: Look, don't bother, Andie. Rob: Nice workin' with ya, Potter. Joey: You know what, rob? The day your out-of whack libido lands you in so deep that not even daddy can save your ass, don't call me as a character witness. Rot in hell. [Scene: Gram's house. Dawson is coming up to the door carrying a window air conditioner] [Doorbell rings] Grams: Oh, my word. Beware of heretics bearing air conditioners. Dawson: [Sigh] My father's orders. He wanted me to take this extra of ours over to you. [He goes to put it into the window and notices a woman in a picture, and it's the same as Eve's picture.] Dawson: Mrs. Ryan, who is that in that picture? Grams: Well, that's our lord, Jesus Christ, as interpreted by one of our gifted, young Sunday school students. Dawson: I meant the one below it. Grams: Oh... That's my daughter, Helen. She can't be more than 18 there. As I recall, it was right before she went away to college. Dawson: So, that's Jen's mom? Grams: I have only one Daughter, Dawson Leery.

Dawson gets increasingly annoyed when Eve won't give him any details about her mysterious life. He and Pacey set out to find out more, but Dawson is knocked sideways when he discovers the shocking connection that Eve has to Jen. Joey's misgivings about her slimy boss, Rob, lead her to gatecrashing his date with Andie, but her goodwill backfires when Rob later fires her. Jack deceives Jen in his effort to set her up on a date with Henry, one of his teammates.

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"A Boy in the Tree" [SCENE_BREAK] [Open to Medico Legal Lab at the Jeffersonian. Couple of quick shots of various people doing their jobs etc.. Cut to Booth and Brennan are sitting in Booth's SUV] Booth: Bones, Where's the kid? [Cut to Lab, Zach is talking with a girl and Angela and Hodgins are watching from afar] Angela: Who's that with Zach? Hodgins: Naomi, from Paleontology. Naomi and Zach slept together about a month ago. Since then she hasn't returned a single call. Angela: Ooooohhhhh. Hodgins: You working on anything interesting? Angela: Me? Yeah, yeah, A three dimensional model of an Etruscan burial crypt. Hodgins: Mmmm Hmmm. Angela: You? Hodgins: Yeah. Oh God, Yeah. Very exciting, very exciting. Some uh...silt profiles. Angela: Mmmm Hmmm. God! Etruscan burial crypts are so boring! Hodgins: Oh man I know. Silt profiles. You know what we need? Angela: A murder investigation. Brennan and Booth are out front right now waiting for Zach. Hodgins: What there's a case? Why didn't you say so? [To Zach] Zach! You gotta go. Angela: Oh, she really bolted, doesn't look good for Zach. [Angela and Hodgins meet up with Zach.] Hodgins: C'mon Zach. Shake it off. Huh? Be a man. Angela: Are you okay honey? Zach: [Picking up his equipment] She said take a hint but when I asked 'what hint?' Naomi said if she told me what hint that it wouldn't be a hint anymore it would be a statement. Hodgins: [Walking Zach to the door] You know what's good? Throwing yourself into your work, Huh? Angela: [Walking with Zach and Hodgins] You really do hate slime profiles. Have a little compassion! Zach: I understood the individual words but I do not comprehend her meaning. Angela: Did you tell Naomi that? Zach: Yes. She said ask your friends, if I have any. Angela: [Putting a hand to Zach's back, guides him out the door] You know Hodgins is right. Let's not keep Booth waiting. Somebody is decomposing as we speak. Hodgins: Get out there and bring us home a case, buddy. [Cut to Booths' SUV] Booth: We got a dead body at a prep school out in the sticks. Brennan: Good morning to you too. Zach: [Leaning forward toward Booth] Successful with woman, right? I mean they like you? Booth: Okay, look, it's a very prestigious prep school with a lot of rich kids. Brennan: I thought that it was good to start with 'Good Morning'. Zach: [To Booth] If a woman said, to you, take a hint, what would that mean? Booth: Could we just concentrate on the job? [Zach leans back into his seat.] Thank you. Now, I know the sheriff out there. She's mostly okay but the school got a lot of pull with the county and she's probably trying to scrape the whole case off on us. Look, what I'm trying to say is... it's not just a crime scene but it's a political situation, so when we get out there you follow my lead and you pay attention. Zach: [To Booth] You call after every sexual encounter, Right? Because that's the good thing to do. Booth: Look, this is a work mode. This is a work zone. Do not talk s*x at work. Brennan: First, you tell me I'm too task oriented. Then when I say 'Good Morning', you say that I should concentrate on the job. Booth: All right, look, we've got about a forty-five minute drive. What do you say we pass it in quiet meditation. [Cut to Booth pulling up to the school] Zach: Can I talk now? Booth: No. Brennan: That's not fair. [To Zach] Okay, we're here now. Booth: My car, my rules. Period. Booth: [Flashing his badge at security] FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth and a forensic anthropologist. Brennan: [Leaning forward] Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian institute. Zach: [Leaning forward between the seats] Plus one crack assistant. Guard: I'll need to see some ID, please. [Brennan and Zach hand their ID's to the security guard] Zach: This doesn't remind me of where I went to school. Booth: Yeah, you don't get much farther from the real world that's for sure. The kids that go to school here is actually classified information. Guard: [Returning Brennan and Zach's Ids] Agent Booth, Dr. Brennan, I'll lead you to Mr. Sanders our head of security. Booth: If you could just aim us in the right direction we'll find it. Guard: All outsiders are to be escorted, Sir. Booth: Huh?. [Booth notices a white stone sign and reads it out loud] Omnia Mea Mecum Porto. What's that mean? Huh? Regular people stay out. Brennan : [At the same time as Zach] I carry with me all my things. Zach: [At the same time as Brennan] I carry with me all my things. [Booth looks at them strange and they just stare at him. He starts up the SUV and drives up to the crime scene. They all get out of the SUV and a woman Sheriff approaches them. She is followed by two men, the headmaster and security for Hanover.] Karen: Hey Seeley. How's it going? Booth: Karen, congratulations on being elected full sheriff. Very impressive. Sanders: Agent Booth, I'm Leo Sanders, Head of security at Hanover Prep. This is Headmaster Peter Ronson. Brennan: Where are the human remains? Booth: Dr. Temperance Brennan and her assistant Jack, uh, something. Zach: Zach Addy. Brennan: [To Karen] Could you show me to the remains? [Brennan and Karen walk towards a park-like area] Sanders: [To Booth] Even though the school was mostly empty during the two week break it's impossible anyone... Karen: [To Brennan] I don't know if you remember me but we worked together on a case? Bunch of bones found in a culvert about a year ago? Brennan: I remember the bones in the culvert. Booth: [Whispering to Brennan] You know Bones, being nice to the locals by remembering their names and such wouldn't hurt. Headmaster: Our two week term break ends tomorrow; I'd like to get this tidied up so the students never know what happened. Brennan: Well, we don't know what happened yet that's why I'm here. Did anyone touch the body? Karen: I doubt it. It's pretty grisly. Sanders: Nothing on small talk is she? Booth: Dr. Brennan is very focused. Brennan: [Coming to the crime scene] Where are the remains? Booth: [Pointing up in a tree to a body hanging from a noose] Bones. Is that a student? Sanders: Ah, it's a secure campus. It's got to be a student, staff, or faculty. Brennan: [To Zach] Video first. I don't want your flash disturbing the crows. Sanders: Yeah that would be a shame. Disturb the human flesh eating birds. Booth: You want to increase the perimeter here? [To the Headmaster and Sanders] Gentleman, give my forensic anthropologist some room. Brennan: [To Booth] Your forensic anthropologist? Karen: Agent Booth, if you decide that this becomes a suicide it becomes my problem, correct? Brennan: Actually the person who decides if this is a suicide is me. Karen: Let's give the bone lady some room. Booth: Ah, You know I'm glad we had that little chat about being nice to the locals. Brennan: I don't like Sheriffs. They are elected into office which means their goal is being re-elected not finding the truth. Zach: I got video, Dr. Brennan. Brennan: Go to stills. Headmaster: [Walking up behind Booth] Can we just get him down from there? Brennan: There's a lot of work to do before we get to that. Booth: You want to step back please sir? Headmaster: I'm a headmaster here. Booth: [Getting pissed] And this is a crime scene. Step back. [Brennan looks up in the tree at the body. It's badly decomposed. Birds are still pecking on the face and skull. Zach is snapping pictures and a bird flies off scared. The head falls towards the ground. Brennan catches it.] Brennan: We're going to need an evidence bag. Booth: Heads up. Brennan: [As the rest of the body falls] We're going to need a bigger bag. [Cut to Int. Cut to Lab] Brennan: I make this a male approximately five foot six, 130lbs, from the looks of his sternum and skull, I would say mid-adolescence, say fourteen to seventeen... High cheek bones... You think maybe Asian? Angela: I'm getting more of a Hispanic vibe. Hodgins: There is a significant Crematogaster ant colony in the tree that fed on the body as well as Tabanid maggots. I will give you a time of death estimate when I figure who ate what when. Brennan: [To Hodgins] Check for insect pupa and larva see what kind of medications and or drugs might have been in his system. Zach: [Holding a necklace] He was wearing this. Angela: Catholic boy. Brennan: One by two forceps. Angela: [As Brennan pulls a small disc out from behind the victim's ear] What is that? Brennan: Cochlear Implant. Looks like the birds were trying to get it. Angela: That would set a boy apart from the others, being deaf. Brennan: [To Zach] Get a serial number. Angela: I'll get X-Rays and 3D imaging of the entire skeleton. Zach: I didn't talk to anybody in high school. I didn't kill myself. Hodgins: That wasn't a high school. It was an experimental Eugenics program. [Cut to Hanover Prep] Booth: How hard can it be to find out which one of your students is missing? Sanders: We can't just call parents and say we found a rotting body. Do you know where your child is? Headmaster: We can do a full role call tomorrow. Sanders: All of our higher-risk students are accounted for. Booth: High risk? Sanders: The ones with personal body guards. Headmaster: [To Booth as they enter the Headmaster's office] What are our options? Vis-a-vis, publicity, media? Booth: Not my concern. Sanders: There are student here we really don't want the whole world to know about. Headmaster: It's obviously a suicide it's not as though we are asking you to forgo the glory of catching a murderer. Booth: [Phone ringing] Excuse me. I'm sorry. Booth. Brennan: [To Booth] We'll have the identity of the boy in the tree within the hour. Booth: That was fast? Brennan: Do you know what a Cochlear Implant is? Booth: Hearing Aid? Brennan: Not, not exactly. It's a much more sophisticated piece of equipment which is surgically fit... Booth: Can you identify him through the serial number? Brennan: That's correct, but the interesting thing is that... Booth: Ah, You can fill me in later. Brennan: No, but the interesting thing is that it's... Booth: That is correct. Brennan: What? Booth: That is interesting. Brennan: Are you drunk or something? Booth: Ah, we'll catch up later and uh, thanks for calling. Brennan: Wait, I'm not completely certain the boys' death was a suicide. Booth: Ah, you know, We'll grab some Chinese food and you can fill me in later on all the boring details. [To the Headmaster] Sorry. Sanders: A death is very upsetting to a community as tight as ours. Booth: Famous for keeping your students safe but you can't be held responsible if a troubled student kills himself. Sanders: We all agree that suicide is the only feasible conclusion. Headmaster: We understand each other? Booth: We sure as hell do. I'll need a complete enrollment list including teacher, staff, students. Sanders: That's extremely confidential information. Booth: [Chuckling] You know, luckily I'm good at keeping secrets. [Cut to the Lab Booth: What do you mean it's not a suicide? [An alarm starts beeping wildly as Booth steps on the platform] What the hell is that? Brennan: We can't just let anyone step into the forensics area and contaminate all the boring details. Booth: [Zach swipes his card, then moves Booth out of the way] The boring details? [To Zach] Do not push me kid. [To Brennan] The boring details was my signal for you to stop talking, okay? I want my own card. Brennan: Well, I want my own gun. Booth: Last time you had a gun you shot someone. Zach: He was a bad guy. Booth: Okay, look, who's our victim? Brennan: All the boring details? Booth: Let it go Bones, move on. Brennan: Don't call me Bones! Zach: We traced the Cochlear Implant to Dr. Maurice Ledbetter at Cedars Sinai who placed it in a boy named, Nestor Olivos. Booth: [Looking at the file] Nestor Olivos, Student visa...son of a Venezuelan ambassador...Oh, What else? Brennan: You want all the boring details? Booth: [Looking at an X-Ray] Let it go Bones.... Brennan: [Snatching the X-Ray out of his hands] Don't call me Bones! The boy's hyoid bone is broken. Booth: Strangulation death, the hyoid bone is always broken. Zach: In adult. This is a boy. Brennan: [Indicating a simulation on the computer screen] His hyoid is flexible, unbreakable. Booth: Well maybe the kid's got some kind of Venezuelan brittle bone syndrome. [Zach and Brennan look at him irritated] I'm just trying to help. So you're saying he was murdered? Brennan: No, I'm saying I don't know what happened to the boy because I don't have all the facts. [Booths phone rings and it's a page from Santana.] [Cut to the Bureau] Santana: How hard can it be? A kid hanging from a tree obviously, it's a suicide. Booth: Sir, Has Hanover Prep been stirring the pudding on this? Santana: Of course they are stirring the pudding. Every mover and shaker in this town is connected to that damn school. Apparently the very future of this country is at stake. Booth: Well, I would like to declare it a murder just to shake those little bast... Brennan: I'm not gonna declare it a murder so you can shake things up. Santana: [sighs] Dr. Goodman: The evidence is ambiguous at best. Santana: Well unambiguize it. Please Dr. Goodman. [To Brennan] Look, you're very experienced within your field with bones and such, right? Doesn't your gut say suicide? Brennan: I don't actually use my gut for that, Sir. Booth: She really, really doesn't Dr. Goodman: Like all of us at the Jeffersonian, Dr. Brennan prefers science to the digestive track. Santana: [To Booth] What about your gut? Booth: My gut says it stinks. Dr. Goodman: [To Brennan] If he smells with his gut what does he use his nose for? Brennan: [laughs] Santana: Alright, Alright, alright. In order for an investigation to occur, You, Dr. Brennan have to declare it a murder. Dr. Goodman: Without an investigation we can't find out if it's a murder but there will be no investigation unless Dr. Brennan declares it to be a murder. Shall I send for a philosopher? Brennan: They're saying it's my call. Santana: [To Booth] You see it's how you talk to these people. Brennan: My official finding is that Nestor Olivos...is a victim of a homicide. [Cut to Booths SUV] Booth: Thank you. Brennan: For what? Booth: For going with my instincts in there. Brennan: I did not back up your instincts. I bought time to find the facts I need to tell me what happened to Nestor Olivos. What's with you and the private school? Booth: I thought we understood each other. Brennan: Oh that it's bad? Booth: I don't...I don't like people who think they're better then other people. Brennan: Some people are better then other people. Booth: Ughh, you know what you said right there that is so Un-American. All men are created equal either you believe that or you don't. Brennan: Some people are smarter then others there's no use being offended by the fact. What are we going to tell Nestor's parents? Booth: We tell them that their son was found dead. We're looking into it. Sorry for your loss and we are. Brennan: What? Booth: Sorry for their loss. It's sad. Try to remember that. Brennan: Uh, I'm not a sociopath. Booth: You're bad with people, okay. No use being offended by the fact. [Cut to Venezuelan Embassy] Ambassador: Hanging from a tree at the school? Booth: I'm afraid so Ambassador Olivos. We will provide you will full details when Dr. Brennan finishes her investigation. Father: Will you need us to identify Nestor's remains? Brennan: That won't be necessary. [Brennan takes out the silver necklace they found on her son's body and hands it to the Ambassador.] Booth: When was the last time you heard from Nestor? Father: A few days after his holiday began. He went with a friend to Nova Scotia. Ambassador: We received an email. Booth: Could we have a copy? Brennan: It will help us determine exactly when the victim died. [Booth hits her lightly] Your son. We're very sorry for your loss. Father: There was nothing to suggest in any email that Nestor was unhappy. Certainly not enough to... Mother: We would like to take him home. [To her husband] We must petition the church to bury him in consecrated ground. Father: [To his wife] Nestor was an altar boy. They will bury him properly. [To Booth] When will you release him to us? Booth: It's up to Dr. Brennan. [Cut to the Lab] Zach: What did Naomi mean when she said take a hint? Hodgins: Ooooo... Zach: What did I do wrong? Hodgins: It's not what you did wrong. It's what you didn't do. Zach: Where do you learn this stuff? Hodgins: There are some things you learn by doing... riding a bike, driving a car, pleasing a woman. Zach: I can't ride a bike or drive a car. Hodgins: Or apparently please a woman. Zach: I need specific instructions, a list of techniques to implement or a sequence of moves. Hodgins: I'm not really the guy to talk to about that. Zach: Why not? You've slept with like, ten thousand women. Hodgins: Because our relationship is all about what's up here. What you need to do is talk to someone more earthy. [Cut to Booth's office] Psychiatrist: As a school psychiatrist, I'm bound by patient confidentiality. In the absence of a warrant or permission from his parents, I can't divulge the specifics of my meetings with Nestor Olivos. I can tell you that he was at extreme risk of suicide. Brennan: There are no indications that Nestor was taking antidepressants. Psychiatrist: I can only make recommendations to the parents. Booth: You think this boy was depressed enough to hang himself from a tree? Psychiatrist: He was alienated by culture by language by his handicap by his own social awkwardness, yes. Headmaster: Thank you for coming down Dr. Petty, as we suspected, suicide. A depressed and lonely boy hangs himself over the holiday. Booth: So, now how does the son of an Ambassador go missing for two weeks and nobody notices? Sanders: As far as the school was concerned Nestor was vacationing with his roommate. [Pulling out a paper and placing it on Booths' desk.] The school requested and received a waiver from Ambassador Olivos. Brennan: I was in Venezuela last year. It's very unstable, politically. Sanders: It's true, the family received threats. We were cognizant of that, but you aren't seriously suggesting that some kind of Venezuelan hit squad assassinated a student at Hanover Prep? Headmaster: Like the Doctor said, it's a simple case of a depressed boy ending his life, not a Tom Clancy novel. Booth: Yeah, well we will start with Nestor's roommate tomorrow morning. Sanders: It's your investigation. [Cut to Wong Foos] Sid: [To Booth] Hey, I'll say this...she's tall. Booth: Dr. Temperance Brennan, meet Sid, the owner. Sid: Hey, the bone lady. Brennan: The sign says Wong Foos. Sid: Family name changed at Ellis Island. I'll get your meal. Brennan: But we didn't order. Booth: No, Sid knows what most people want better then they do. Zach: [Walking in with Angela and Hodgins. All take a seat at the booth] Nestor's bones are completely normal. Not brittle in any way. Booth: [To the Squints] You know this is kinda my little getaway place. You know? Angela: [Ignoring Booth] It proves the rope left in the branch where Nestor was hanging are too deep for his weight. Booth: Please everyone. You know come on just sit down. Hodgins: Eggs, larva, waste all indicate that the insects which fed on the body are all indigenous to the tree in which he was found. It means he died there approximately ten to fourteen days ago. [Yells to Sid] I'll have the seven organ soup. Brennan: You don't order they guy just brings it. Zach: He didn't void. Usually somebody hangs themselves the flood gates open, bodily fluids everywhere. Hodgins: There was plenty of the affluent in his clothes but they are all post decomposition. As the body swells, it bursts from internal gases. How does the guy know what you want? Brennan: The guy has a knack. Booth: The guy's name is Sid. Zach: The birds ate his eyes, ears. They worked their way into the skull. Hodgins: Birds pecking at the soft tissue of the throat, Could that crack the hyoid? Brennan: No, it's a stress fracture caused by the rope against his throat not post mortem. Angela: You put a high sensitive adolescent in a high-pressure prep school add social alienation cultural differences pressure from high achieving parents...could be suicide. Booth: It's not a suicide. Brennan: Because Booth thinks that prep schools turn out entitled criminals. Hodgins: We all went to private schools and none of us are criminals. Zach: In fact we fight criminals. We're crime fighters. Booth: No you're not. You're...I'm just saying it's not a suicide. Angela: I'm a big believer in instinct. Booth: Finally, A squint with an open mind. Angela: You have no idea of how open minded I can be. Sid: What's with these pictures? This is a restaurant. People come here to eat. What's the matter with you people? [Gathering up the pictures] Booth, what the hell did you bring into my place? Booth: I had nothing to do with it. Brennan: This is exactly what I want. This is amazing. The guy definitely has a knack. Hodgins: Ooh, so you do take orders? Sid: Of course we do but it's always better when you leave it to me. Booth? Booth: Okay, I will take care of it. You're saying that the boy died like ten to fourteen days ago? Hodgins: Hey bugs buzz but they do not lie. Brennan: Hodgins is very good at using insects to ascertain a time of death. Booth: How do you explain an email that was sent 7 days ago from Nova Scotia? Hmm? See, look at that. It stinks. Go ahead, smell it. You know you wanna smell it. It stinks. Angela: [To Hodgins] Don't... Don't smell that. Hodgins: No, no you got to taste it. Angela: I can smell it from here. Hodgins: Angela, it's so good. Mmmm. Angela: That's really gross. [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Interrogation Room] Booth: You and Nestor were roommates for three months, correct? Tucker: Yes sir. Booth: And you invited him to spend the vacation with you? Mom: Uh, we have a summer home on Cape Breton, plenty of room. Tucker: Nestor decided to go home back to Venezuela. Booth: What did the other kids say about Nestor? Tucker: Nestor was different. He used to be deaf so he kinda talked like...some kids called him retard. Mom: Tucker, please don't say retard. Tucker: I never called him that! He went to church every Sunday, even though nobody made him go and people thought that was weird. Booth: Did Nestor have a girlfriend? Tucker: He said there was a girl he liked, but he never told me who. Booth: You know Tucker; you're lying to a Federal Agent. DA: Careful Agent Booth. Booth: [Ignoring the DA] An email was sent to Nestor's parents from Nova Scotia saying what a great time he was having. The only thing is that Nestor was already dead. Mom: Was it you Tucker? DA: I prefer he didn't answer. Father: No Dawn, if it was Tucker he has to admit it. Tucker: You know the dodge. Booth: You backed him up so he could be with a girl. Mom: Tucker! Tucker: I know! I'm sorry, but he begged me! Booth: What girl? Tucker: I told you! I don't know! I thought Nestor made her up. I sent an email that's all. [Cut to Brennan' office] Dr. Goodman: Dr. Brennan. Can you spare a moment for the Venezuelan Ambassador? Ambassador: [To Dr. Goodman] Thank you. Brennan: Is there something I can do for you? Ambassador: [Handing Brennan a picture of Nestor} I understand that you are very good at your job, Dr. Brennan. But I think that you are not a mother, correct? Brennan: No, I'm not a mother. Ambassador: [Handing Brennan a DVD] Please watch this. Ambassador: All a mother wants to know is that she has raised her child well. That he will grow up to be a good man. I will never see this. I will never know. [Brennan pushes play and sees Nestor as a child getting his implant.] The day Nestor received his implant. Brennan: [Watching the video] The first day that he could hear. Ambassador: And the first thing he heard was my voice. Brennan: His mother's voice. Ambassador: I told him I loved him. The child who has lived through this miracle would never take his own life. You're a scientist. You need more then a mother's reassurance, fine. My husband and I have many enemies, that is why I sent Nestor to Hanover. They promised us that he would be safe. What if they failed? They would not want to admit it. They would do everything they could to bias you towards suicide. Brennan: I promise you I will find out the truth. Ambassador: Thank you. [Cut to Angela's office] Angela: Swan dive, cannon ball, cherry bomb... No matter how he jumps, the hyoid does not break. Brennan: What about added weight? Angela: We figure an added strain of 90 kilos to snap the hyoid. Brennan: 90 kilos is just under 200 lbs, the weight of a muscular man. Booth: So what? The Venezuelan hit squad fantasy thing? For one thing it's nuts and another the guy'd have to be 20 feet tall. Angela: I'm out of alternative scenarios to explain this hyoid break. [Cut to Hanover Prep] Booth: I want to take another look at Nestor's room. Brennan: What exactly do you hope to find? Booth: [Looks up the stairs in time to see a guy look at him, then run. To Brennan] Stay here. Brennan: [Pushing her way past Booth] Yeah right, that's gonna happen. [Brennan runs into Nestor's room after the guy. He shuts the door after she runs in leaving Booth out in the hall. Brennan turns to face the guy, kicking him in the stomach causing him to fall backwards against the door. Booth opens the door from the other side and the guy goes stumbling forward as Brennan trips him and he goes down on his stomach. The guy jumps up quickly and Booth goes running at him. The mystery man takes some swings at Booth but he ducks and punches mystery guy in the face three times. The guy goes down for good] Booth: [To Brennan] You alright? Brennan: Are you? Booth: [Grabbing the guys wallet and tossing it to Brennan] Check his ID. Brennan: His name's Tovar Comara. He's security at the Venezuelan embassy. Booth: If he's security, why'd he run? [Cut to Ambassador's Office] Brennan: What we would like to know is what Senor Comara was doing in Nestor's room? Ambassador: I asked Senor Comara to go to Nestor's room to prove a point. That suicide was not the only possibility. Booth: Prove that an outsider can get to your son. Ambassador: The school informed me that Nestor's death was most certainly a suicide. That anything else was impossible. Comara: We proved them correct. I failed to escape without being detected. Brennan: The school lied to you Ambassador. Booth: Dr. Brennan already declared your son's death a homicide. Ambassador: I apologize. I was misinformed. Booth: I won't be pressing any charges. Ambassador: Thank you. [Security guards enter the room] Please excuse me. Brennan: [To Tovar] Do you think Nestor was killed by outsiders? Comara: Not Venezuelan insurgents. They would make a statement. Not fake a suicide. This hanging. [sniffs] Willa mala. Brennan: Hmm. Booth: Sure, you know someone says, you know, it smells in a Spanish accent and all of a sudden you're like, hmm interesting. [Cut to Nestor's dorm room] Brennan: What are we looking for? Booth: I talked to a few of Nestor's teachers and a few students that he hung out with. He was a loner. Well, I mean he went to his classes but, you know, mainly he just stayed here in his room. That's it so I figured we'd come here and you could do your little anthropologist thing. Huh? Brennan: [laughs] Okay. He liked music. Heavy procession low frequencies for the most part. It's the stuff he probably liked before the implant. He could feel the vibrations in his chest. After the implant he started enjoying stuff with more melody. He was growing. He enjoyed it. Booth: Enjoyment is the opposite of suicide. Brennan: You've decided this isn't a suicide so you're collecting evidence to support that. By closing your mind you're missing important indicators. Booth: [Pulling a broken CD out of the trash] Oh yeah? So why did he throw this away? I mean hey it's flute music that's reason enough, but where's the case? Brennan: [Walking over to look at the CD's on the book case] I...uh...These aren't organized. Booth: Well, you know, girls they organize alphabetically. Guys are more organic. Good stuff up to the left... Crap [whistles] bottom right. Look at that. [Opening the case to find a burnt disc] Well I mean if he hated it why did he re-burn it. Brennan: This isn't a CD it's a DVD. [Cut to Brennan's office] Booth: I should have known. It's a fifteen year old boy. It's just p0rn. Brennan: Wait Angela: That's our hanging victim. Zach: This is pretty kinky stuff. Brennan: I need to know where and when it was shot. What kind of camera and anything else that might help. Booth: I'm going to need stills and close ups of the girls face. Hodgins: [Burping] Thanks a lot Booth. My seven organ soup is repeating on me. Booth: Well, you ordered. You should have left it to Sid. [To Brennan] Let's see what the school has to say about this. Hodgins: [To Zach] That was not wild and kinky s*x. It was very, very basic beginner stuff. Just so you know...uh, Angela, you got any bicarbonate? [Cut to the Headmaster's office] Sanders: We've seen this kind of thing before. Brennan: Kids recording themselves having s*x? Headmaster: Young people are more jaded then they used to be. Sometimes they swap these tapes. Sanders: I'm surprised to see Nestor. Booth: But not so surprised to see the girl? Headmaster: How is that relevant? Brennan: You know what's a better question? What makes you think you get to decide what's relevant? You're basically a Principle of a High School. Booth: We need to see all the s*x tapes that you've confiscated. Headmaster: Absolutely not. Booth: Well, I will just get a warrant and in the application for a warrant I'll include your admission that you allow your students to swap homemade s*x tapes. Sanders: The headmaster is not refusing to provide you with the tapes. Brennan: Absolutely not sounds like a refusal. Sanders: When we confiscate the tapes we immediately turn them over to local law enforcement. Booth: Sheriff Roach knew about this? Sanders: No need to issue a warrant. We are cooperating completely. Brennan: Was the girl also a student here? Headmaster: Given your hostility. It's time we bring in a lawyer to advise us. Booth: Or you take my advice. If you don't answer my questions, I'll take you down to FBI headquarters in hand cuffs. Brennan: He'll do it. He doesn't like you. [Booth shakes his head no.] Headmaster: Fine Agent Booth, her name is Camden Destry. [Cut to Interrogation Room] Camden: Nestor Olivos? I knew him. He's kind of famous since he died. Mom: Poor kid, to take his own life. Booth: Were you romantically involved? Camden: No. Mom: Camden is too young to date seriously. Booth: Tell me when you've seen enough to start telling the truth? Lawyer: This is outrageous Agent Booth! Camden: [Seeing the footage] Oh my God. I can't believe this. Oh my God. Where did that come from? Lawyer: Really Mr. Booth, I must protest. Booth: [Irritated] I'm tired of being lied to, so excuse me if I'm indelicate. Okay, Let's start over, Shall we? Did you know Nestor Olivos? Were you romantically involved? Camden: Why would he do that? Why would Nestor tape us? I loved him. [Cut to Booth and Brennan getting out of his SUV] Brennan: So let me just get this right, I'm the tactless and insensitive one. Booth: Okay, look. The girl lied to a Federal Agent during the investigation in the death of a boy that she said she loves. You know what? These kids, they all lie. That school teaches them that they're special, that they're above the rest of us. Well they're not. Brennan: You're the least objective person I have ever met. Booth: Thank you. Brennan: It's not a compliment. Booth: Aw, C'mon Brennan, you know something is wrong here. Alright, the school, the tapes, now Sheriff Roach. Brennan: All this mess you're uncovering. It smells, yes but doesn't add up to murder...not logically. Booth: Maybe if you looked for more then the facts you would be able to see the bigger pic... Brennan: [Interrupting] Maybe if you opened your mind we could find out the actual truth. [The Sheriff pulls up in her car and gets out with a box of tapes. She walks over to Booth and Brennan arguing.] Sheriff: Brought you the tapes. Brennan: How many? Sheriff: {Handing Brennan a box] All of them. What do you think? I'm withholding evidence? Booth: You know, I'm thinking Hanover Prep gets you elected and you look the other way when you see these tapes. Sheriff: Kids having s*x. There's no law against that. Booth: Let's hope that's the worse thing that we find. [Cut to Booth's office] Brennan: You're right about the school... serving pudding. Booth: Stirring the pudding. It means... Brennan: [Pointing to screen] Melodee Destry, that's Camden's mother. Wait, Is that...is that Nestor Olivos she's with? Booth: Nope, That's Nestor's roommate, Tucker Pattison. [Cut to Interrogation Room] Booth: How long did the sexual relationship continue? Tucker: A couple of months. I don't know. Mom: Tucker is the underage victim of statutory rape. Booth: When did it end? Tucker: That was the last time. Booth: Why Nestor's bed? Why not your own? It was only ten feet away. Tucker: I don't know. Booth: It was because you knew exactly where the camera was pointed. Tucker: Mrs. Destry gave me money, you know, to keep quiet. Nestor said how much you think she would pay to keep her husband from seeing a tape. Nestor set up a drop and got five thousand dollars. He said we should do it again but just before vacation I told him that I was going to tell my parents, even if it meant getting kicked out of Hanover. The next thing I know he killed himself. I figured it was my fault. [Cut to the Lab] Hodgins: Tabanid pupil casing show the boy ingested a heavy dose of Ketamine before he died. Kids call it Special K. Booth: So somebody dosed him, right? That explains why he wasn't struggling before the hanging. Brennan: Or wild thought? He took it himself for fun, like most kids do. Zach: I had s*x with Naomi in Paleontology. Angela: You mean actually in Paleontology. Zach: No, at her place. I thought it went great but I could be wrong because apparently what I think is wild and kinky is basic and since she never called me back I'm wondering if it's because I lack imagination in the sack. Angela: You know what Zach? I'm thinking this is more of a guy, guy conversation. Zach: Yeah, I was wondering... Hodgins: [Burping] Booth: Dude, minty burp, still burp. Hodgins: Yeah well who took me to Wong Salmonella's? Booth: Alright, you know what? Just go back to Sid. Let him bring you you're meal. Heartburn will disappear. Brennan: Heartburn! Booth: What? Brennan: Hodgins has heartburn because stomach acid is rising into his esophagus. The Ketamine plus choking could have caused Nestor to regurgitate. The rope would hold the gastric juices in the upper throat weakening the hyoid. Digestive juices are basically hydrochloric acid. Zach: [To Booth] Sometime when you're not busy, I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions. Booth: If you even try, I will take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes. Brennan: These marks here and here that's scaring consistent with hydrochloric acid. Booth: I don't like where you're going with this. Brennan: I need to run a few scenarios through the Angelator. [Cut to Angela's Office] Brennan: Replace the values for the hyoid bone mass with these sliding coefficients. That will replicate bone deterioration as the hyoid is being digested by stomach acid. Angela: I'm applying a timeline and running in fast-forward. This will show it in measure time. Brennan: The body decomposes and the gastric juices trapped by the noose in Nestor's esophagus actually digest the hyoid over time. [Referring to a close up of the hyoid] Wait, there the hyoid cracked. Angela: A hundred and ninety six point three hours just over 8 days. Brennan: [To Booth] This finding is congruent with suicide. Booth: I do not accept that. Brennan: It's a fact; you can't not accept a fact. I have to amend my cause of death report. Booth: Then you'll stop my investigation. The school trying to cover up a murder and you're helping them. [Cut to the Lab] Angela: Honey, did you ever just believe something, despite the evidence, just know it was true? Brennan: No, I've hoped things. I will always know the difference between hope and fact. You know all that's left of this boy is this table full of bones. Now everyone he has ever known has an agenda, his parents, his school, even the cop who's investigating his death. I'm the only one who cares about the truth of what Nestor's life came to in the end. Good or bad, and I know the truth is more important than anything else. Angela: You know or you hope it's true? Brennan: Suicide is the most rational, logical explanation. What I believe doesn't matter. What makes me sad doesn't matter. Angela: [Holding a drawing of Nestor] Look at this face. He did not kill himself. Brennan: Angela, I need a little more proof then a nice drawing. Angela: I can do that. [Cut to Brennan office] Angela: Okay this is not from the DVD it's a quick snippet that was on Nestor's hard drive. Somebody tried to erase it but Zach and I got some of it back. Brennan: Angela, zoom in on that necklace. Angela: A little sea horse? C'mon, what kind of blackmailer does that? It's sweet. It's a clueless kid in love. Brennan: That's your evidence that he didn't commit suicide, A sea horse? Booth: A kid doesn't give a gift because, you know, he's in love, he does it because he wants a little lovin'. Brennan: Rerun that. Angela: That cynicism you affect Booth it's your way of hiding your deeply romantic nature. Brennan: There. Stop. Play again. There! She rolled her eyes for the camera. Booth: What? Angela: I didn't see it either. Brennan: Play it in stop motion. Zoom in. There, Slow motion. Booth: How'd you see that? Angela: Wait, that girl knew that camera was there. She looked right at it. Brennan: Camden isn't a victim. She's in on it. Booth: You don't roll your eyes to yourself. You do it for someone else, not Nestor Olivos. Brennan: What do we do now? Booth: Well this is where a public school education comes in handy. Divide and conquer was the playground motto. [Cut to Interrogation Room] Booth: What would help me Camden is if you told me why Nestor killed himself? Brennan: Then we can close the murder investigation. Camden: [Seeing Tucker on a TV screen] Why is Tucker here? Booth: Oh, Tucker, he said some things. Camden: What things? Booth: Well what Tucker told us doesn't make you look good. Brennan: I believed him but Agent Booth said it was only fair to hear your side. Booth: If your stories match up I'll be able to drop the murder investigation. Brennan: You know, I find it hard to believe that it was your idea for Tucker to seduce your mother. Camden: It wasn't. She hit on Tucker. Mom: No. Wait. Wait. [To her lawyer] Can they do this? Lawyer: They're fishing. Don't say a word. Brennan: I wasn't fishing? [To Booth] Were you fishing? Booth: No, I wasn't fishing. Camden: Tucker was all 'Stacy's Mom' about it. I just sort of gave him permission. It was funny. Mom: Please stop this. Stop it. Camden: Mom deal with it, okay? You're the one that's the perv, so. When my mom gave Tucker money to keep him quiet we got the idea to blackmail her with the tape. I was mad at her I guess. Then Tucker said it was my turn. Booth: Nestor was rich, lonely, Catholic and he had a thing for you. Camden: And he was cute. People didn't notice because the way he talked but he was really cute. I liked him. We made the tape and showed it to Nestor. It made him really upset. Really upset. Brennan: Because you threatened to show it to his mother. Camden: Or because I broke his heart? I still can't believe he killed himself. I'm really sorry he did that. Lawyer: What Camden did was wrong which she's acknowledged but she can't be held responsible for an unstable boy overreaction. Camden: I said I'm sorry. Booth: Yeah, Camden Destry I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of Nestor Olivos. Lawyer: What? She's admitted to blackmail and attempted blackmail that's all. Brennan: Nestor was going to go to the headmaster and expose you so you dosed him with Ketamine and hauled him up into the tree. The DNA traces in the rope will prove that. Booth: Plus, you've already confessed to the motive. Camden: If I cooperate and tell you everything Tucker did, do I get some sort of deal? Booth: That depends on what else you got. [Cut to Brennan' Office] Booth: The Headmaster and Head of Security will both loose their jobs over what happened to Nestor. The Sheriff will resign. The two kids who killed your son are both in custody. Ambassador: Thank you. Booth: We're very sorry... for your loss. Brennan: Ambassador Olivos, you told me that all a mother wants is to know that she's raised her child well. That your biggest regret is that you will never know if Nestor would have grown up to be a good man, but he was a good man. [Handing back the picture of Nestor] He died because he was trying to do the right thing. Booth: Very impressive Temperance. You got that one right. [Cut to Wong Foos] Angela: When you're with someone the gymnastics aren't what matter. It's who you are. It's in your intentions and how much you care about the other person. Zach: If you don't want to help me just say so. Angela: Alright, I'm going to let you in on a secret. This is a female secret. Go to Naomi and tell her you don't know anything about lovemaking...s*x yeah ...lovemaking you're a blank slate. You'll do anything she wants if she just introduces you to the secrets of love. She'll be more interested in that then if you were the most imaginative lover on the planet Zach: That is totally counter intuitive. Angela: Just do it Z-man. Reap the benefits of my sexual wisdom. Booth: [Walking in with Brennan and seeing the rest of the Squints] Oh no, this isn't going to work. I mean this is my place. Booth: Sid? Sid: As long as they keep it down on the subject of rotten corpses and bodily fluids, I have no beef at all. Hodgins: [To Booth] Okay that is amazing. I had heartburn. I asked Sid to bring me something and now the heartburn is gone. I mean it's gone. Man I love this place. Booth: Okay fine, new rules that counter is mine. That booth is yours everything else around here alright, mine, alright, mine...M-I-N-E, mine. Brennan: I've been thinking about your whole 'something stinks' aptitude. I think you have a subconscious knack for reading body language, stress in the voice, other subtle but discernable indicators. It's not mysterious but it is impressive and in the future, I will try to record it in an appropriate degree of objective worth. Booth: Thank you Temperance. Appreciate that. So, uh, what part of 'this is mine' did you not understand? Do I have to say it in Latin? Brennan: [Places a Jeffersonian ID on the Bar and joins the other Squints] Abset invidia. Booth: [Smiling as he picks up the ID] Nice. End.

When the decaying corpse of the Venezuelan Ambassador's son is found hanging from a tree on the campus of an exclusive private school, Dr. Temperance Brennan and Agent Seeley Booth are called in to investigate. The cause of death seems to be suicide, but both Brennan and Booth suspect there may be an alternative cause of death. As Brennan partners with Booth on the case, Booth isn't entirely comfortable with the rest of Brennan's team's out-of-the-lab mingling with him. As Brennan and her team at the Jeffersonian Institute dig deeper into the possibilities of how the Ambassador's son died, Booth and Brennan uncover the killer as well as a web of sex, lies and scandal involving the school's staff, students and parents.

fd_Justified_06x08

fd_Justified_06x08_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Seabass: What's our play? Markham: Walker's burned. He's a rogue element. Walker: [groans] Markham: Ain't nothing for him now. The Pig: It almost looks like somebody cut the boards away. Zachariah: God damn, son, you got one hell of an eye. [screams] Katherine: You think that I was the rat? Markham: That was why I got out of here. Figured I was next. You've thought that all these years. Why the hell would you want to marry me? Markham: I made my peace with it. Wynn: Were you the snitch? Katherine: Of course not. Wynn: Well, somebody was, and what better way to get you thinking it can't have been him than to say he thinks it was you. Boyd: So, how about you come out, say what it is you got to say? Ava: I'm a snitch. I'm a C.I. for Raylan. Boyd: I understand what you did, why you did it. I still... love you. Ava: [voice breaking] I love you, too, Boyd. Winona: I'm saying I love you, and if you want it, I want you by my side raising our daughter. We gonna do this, then? Raylan: I don't see how we don't try. What do you give us, 50/50 shot? Raylan: 51/49. [music] Carl: Sorry, Boyd. I would've called you sooner, but ... Boyd: Where is he? Carl: He's down in the mine. Boyd: Not The Pig. Where's Zachariah? Carl: That's what I mean ... he's down in the mine. Boyd: I thought you said he'd stopped working. Carl: He did. Said to send you down as soon as you got here. He wants to show you how it happened. It's a damn shame about The Pig. He was a good man. Boyd: Yeah. Earl, I want you to get Ava home, and I don't want you to let her out of your sight. You understand? Earl: Yes, sir. Boyd: Come over here. Look, I'll be there soon. Meantime, you start looking around, See what it is you want to take with you. All this is over. Ava: I supposed to pack anything for you? Boyd: We got the money. I'll have you. Everything else, I can replace. Ava: Boyd. You still have my phone. Boyd: This is our only pipeline to Raylan. We got to use it wisely and in concert with each another. You trust me? You trust me? Ava: [inhales deeply] Yes. Boyd: Earl. Carl. Mortician: Do you wish to exhume all the plots? Raylan: Just the two ... my parents. Mortician: And how long ago were they interred? Raylan: Her 2000, him last year. And how about the manner in which they were buried? Raylan: I wasn't around, but I guarantee you he put her in the cheapest piece of sh1t available. Mortician: Likely an unvaulted wooden casket. Raylan: Mm-hmm. Mortician: And him? Raylan: I put him in the cheapest piece of sh1t available. Mortician: A word of caution, if I may. What you're moving is not your mother's remains. It is the idea of her remains. You well may be digging up nothing but dirt. Then dig up the dirt. Mortician: Very well. The process can be labor-intensive. [Vehicle approaches] We will supervise all the work, handle the state and municipal permits and all the transportation. Raylan: Okay. Mortician: Now, you mentioned the new location is the town cemetery. Raylan: Just for her. [car door closes] Mortician: Uh, and your father's final resting place? [car door closes] Whatever works for you. Mortician: Uh, well, it's entirely up to you. Raylan: Potter's field? Tim: What happened to your lawn? Did I interrupt a goat sacrifice? Raylan: Tim. What's up? Tim: Oh, leads on Walker's movements are coming from conflicting sources. I petitioned Rachel I come back down, regroup the teams, re-evaluate the leads. Dude, what happened to your lawn? Raylan: All right, so you're gonna work out here? Good. You can watch the place while I'm gone. Tim: Oh, you're heading out? Raylan: Mm-hmm. Tim: Well, be a peach and run down a eyewitness out in London ... saw a suspicious character on her lawn. Raylan: I ain't working the manhunt. Tim: Your 24 hours on the fainting couch are done. Raylan: I'm back to work. I just ain't looking for Walker. Tim: This have anything to do with him? Raylan: No ... a lead I came up with on my own. Tim: Unrelated to the Walker thing? Raylan: Zachariah Randolph. Tim: Let me guess ... local boy. How come no one down here's ever named Steve or Justin? Raylan: Ava's kin, her maiden name being Randolph. Tim: Practical question ... When can I tell acting Chief Brooks to expect you back on job number one? Raylan: Getting Boyd Crowder is job number one. Earl: The way he said it, you know? Like last time I didn't do a good job or something. Ava: Honestly, Earl, Boyd's got bigger things on his mind than to be angry at you. I promise. Walker: You locked the door. I suppose it's just the three of us, then. [title music] On this lonely road, trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard on this lonely road, trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come Zachariah: Hey, there, Boyd. Sorry about your man. Boyd: I don't give a sh1t about that man. How much? Zachariah: What's that? Boyd: How much you trying to shake me down for, Zachariah? Zachariah: What the hell? You think I'm quitting 'cause I want more money? I'm quitting 'cause it's too goddamn dangerous! Boyd: Why I paid you $10,000 to do it. Zachariah: A man died, Boyd. A man you ain't known a goddamn week! Zachariah: Well, I can see you really torn up about it. [i]Real leader of men, ain't ya? Boyd: It ain't the first man I've lost doing a job, Zachariah, and the job ain't over yet. Now, how much? Zachariah: [chuckles softy] Another 10 grand ought to do it. Boyd: I'll give you 5. And you and Carl got two days to get to the bottom of that vault. Zachariah: Might want to switch to dynamite sooner than we planned. Boyd: That gonna cost me extra? Zachariah: Yeah. Gratis. [scoffs] Walker: Now take another loop around. Now tuck it under. Tie it off. You're gonna be tempted to leave that loose so as to allow a valiant escape. You best perish that thought. [sighs] You got any duct tape? Ava: [sighs] Got some over here. Walker: No, you don't. That's where you had that nickel 9-milly. I also moved the shotgun you had in that cupboard over there, in case that was the next place you wanted to say the duct tape was. Ava: In that case, guess I don't have any duct tape, Mr. Walker. Walker: Now, before you make the risky decision to go for any other hidden gun I might have missed or to try for your drawers in the hopes that I failed to secure your cutlery, you should know this ... I'm not here to hurt you. Ava: Okay. Walker: Or Boyd, either. You don't believe me. I get that. I'll explain why you should while we await Boyd's return. But first... I need you to stitch me up. [chuckles] Ugh. Raylan: Zachariah Randolph? Zachariah: I am. Raylan Givens. Dog Hole mine, 1990? Joseph's Valley. Zachariah: Joseph's Valley ... long time ago. [chuckles] Raylan: You remember a digger named Boyd Crowder? Zachariah: You Arlo Givens' boy, ain't you? Raylan: I am. What line of work you in these days? Zachariah: Now, look here, sonny. I didn't have no dealings with your daddy, and, all due respect to your time on the Earth, I don't want no dealings with you, neither. Raylan: Yeah. Most people don't. What you got in that crate there? Zachariah: Eh... it ain't none of your affairs. Raylan: Man of principle? Zachariah: "Dishonest man spreadeth strife," sayeth the Lord. [chuckles] Raylan: What's your rate? Zachariah: What's that? Raylan: You're a whore. What do you charge? I'm just curious. Zachariah: Now, look, I don't care who you are or what past we share. You just go on, get out of here. Raylan: I know Boyd's paying you. I open that crate, am I gonna find out what for? Zachariah: Maybe what I'm doing ain't about money. Raylan: It's always about money. Jesus Christ, the one thing every shit-apple redneck is guaranteed to take with both hands and left foot is money. Zachariah: Maybe you in for a little surprise. Maybe this ain't what you think it is. Maybe it all ain't gonna turn out the way you think it will. [chuckles] Raylan: Move. You gonna have to move me. [grunts] God damn you! Damn it. [groaning weakly] Zachariah: You had enough? Raylan: Yeah. You okay? Zachariah: Yeah. Raylan: [sighs] Got me pretty good. Well, I still got some scrap. [sighs] [breathing heavily] I guess it's the end of the line, ain't it? Raylan: I ain't gonna take you in. Zachariah: Thank you. Raylan: Don't. You're in deep sh1t either way. Katherine: Where's Wynn? Mike: Oh, he'll be right out. He spilled guacamole on his shirt. Katherine: 9:30 in the morning? Mike: He loves guac. Katherine: Is there any ice? Wynn: Mikey, when was the last time you went to the dry cleaners? I don't have a single clean shirt that goes with these pants. Mike: Thought I went Tuesday. Wynn: Well ... Katherine: I don't have a lot of time. I'm playing tennis with my shithead sister-in-law. It'll be the fall of Saigon if I'm late. Mike: Where do you play? We should play doubles sometime. I dated a tennis pro for a while. I'll go to the cleaners. Wynn: You want proof Markham's the rat? Katherine: This is it? Wynn: Do you remember a gentleman by the name of Gordon Keith? Katherine: Maybe. Uh... beard, wouldn't shut up about Lee Harvey Oswald? Wynn: That's the one. Yeah, kind of wheels-off, if I remember. Wynn: If you read that file, you may also remember his weapon of choice is a shotgun. Katherine: Simon Poole. Wynn: The U.S. Attorney, yes ... shotgunned in the street. Katherine: Yeah, the feds keep trying to put that one on me. Wynn: The world's an unjust place, Katherine. Katherine: All right, so this indicts Avery how? Wynn: I'm getting to that. Two days after your husband was put in lockup, the aforementioned Gordon Keith was picked up for shoplifting a bottle of vodka. I happen to know Gordon Keith is not a vodka man. Two days after Gordon's arrest, your husband is found dead in his cell. Then, and only then, does Gordon Keith make bail. Katherine: Wynn, didn't Gordon Keith work for you? Wynn: He worked with me. He worked for Avery Markham. Katherine: And now? And now ... well, now he's dead. Katherine: Convenient. Occupational hazard. Katherine: Well, I will read the file. Wynn: Hope it carries more weight than that rock on your finger. Katherine: Mm. You know, Avery's getting sick of this mess in Harlan ... his men all dead, the place crawling with marshals now. Wynn: I was unable to reach Boyd last night, but when last we spoke, he was well aware of the urgency of the situation. Katherine: Yeah. Then again, if he doesn't get it in time, maybe it's not the end of the world. Wynn: Oh? Katherine: I marry Avery, we take his money a year from now, two years from now ... it doesn't really matter. I'll have access to his entire bank account. Wynn: Seems like I'm a third wheel in that scenario. Katherine: [sighs] I wouldn't be too anxious, Wynn. I'm just thinking out loud. Walker: You think Boyd'll go for it? Ava: You're gonna have to wait and ask Boyd. Walker: If he doesn't, there's no reason you and I couldn't go through with it ourselves. [scoffs] Maybe Earl could help out. You be up for that, Earl? Aah! Earl: Aah! Walker: [inhales sharply] Oh, m... [breathing heavily] Oh, my. [chuckles] That was interesting. Earl's pitiful life passed before his eyes. Didn't it, Earl? All right, let's get back to it. And this time, as discussed, please place the sutures a full quarter inch from the edge of the wound. [car door closes] All right. [keys jingle] Boyd: Ava? Where you at, girl? Walker: Boyd, you put it down. I just came to talk. If I wanted to hurt you, I would've done it already, don't you think? Boyd: I gave up guessing why people do what they do a long time ago. Only way you're gonna get this gun out of my hand is with a bullet. Are you really here to talk? Why don't you... put it down? Walker: Here. All right. Boyd. Boyd, hold on. [grunts] Boyd: You come into my house, put your hands on my fianc e? Ava: I'm fine. Boyd, he's telling the truth. Markham cut him loose. Boyd: Good! Then nobody'll give a sh1t when they find his rotten corpse at the bottom of a mine shaft. Walker: Wait! Ava: Boyd, wait! He knows the combination to the vault. Walker: My men are either dead or in the wind ... every one of them. Maybe the old man's there, maybe he's not, but he's one man. He'll bring someone else in, but he hasn't had time to do it yet. That vault is completely unguarded. Boyd: You don't think he's changed the combination by now? Walker: Ah, there's not a smith in this state skilled enough to service that vault. You're a careful man, Boyd, but you know full well my way's better than any scheme you've got cooking. Boyd: You trying to manipulate me, Mr. Walker? 'Cause I'm long past the point of needing my ego stroked. Walker: Let's just say I don't see you pulling thrill-seeker holdups with a "born to lose" tattoo on your chest. Boyd: Well, me being a careful man, I got to ask ... why you want to help me so bad, Mr. Walker? Walker: You mean, why didn't I sneak in there myself, line my pockets, get out of town? It's that last part that's the problem, isn't it? We got leos combing these hills ... hills that, for me, are unfamiliar terrain. Ava: But not so unfamiliar to us. That it? Walker: I'm not trying to help you so much as help myself. Ava: How do we know Boyd doesn't walk down into that basement, find himself surrounded by a dozen guns? Walker: You're saying I got myself shot, risked my life coming in here, just to set you up? It's a lot of effort just to dick you people over. Boyd: Could be you got yourself shot, Avery Markham said, "you bring me Boyd Crowder, I'll take you anywhere you want to go." Walker: You're crossing the border from careful to paranoid now. Well, if you'd mind be more paranoid... you wouldn't be in the situation you currently find yourself. Walker: Yet, at some point, you have to trust me, or you have to shoot me. Boyd: Well, you're a lucky man, Mr. Walker. Not two days ago, I would've told you, "good night and good luck," But circumstances have changed. Walker: Partners, then? Boyd: I don't need another partner. But I will help you rob that vault. Katherine: Chief Deputy Art Mullen. Come on in. Art: Ms. Hale. Although I suppose it's technically "on-leave Chief Deputy" right now. Katherine: Yeah, they told me that when I called there asking about you. That's such a shame. Art: Eh, it's damned annoying more than anything else, but I guess I'm better off than the guy who shot me. Katherine: Suppose you're wondering why I asked you here. Art: Oh, I don't know. Pretty lady like you, clandestine hotel meeting I think I can figure it out. Katherine: Well, actually, Avery called me and told me some bald, wrinkled asshole of a marshal was giving him grief, and I said, "why, I would recognize that description anywhere." Art: Oh, that really doesn't ring a bell. What's it been, like 14 years? I wasn't even bald back then. Well, maybe a little. Katherine: Yeah, that was a long time ago, which makes me wonder why you are so concerned about who ratted out my husband way back then. Art: Oh, you know, I'm sitting there, recuperating from gunshot, watching all that "forensic files" unsolved mystery bullshit on TV, and then I hear about the sh1t hitting the fan with your boy toy, Markham, down in Harlan, and... got my curiosity up. Well, when you find that snitch, what are you gonna do with him? Art: Or her. Katherine: Or her. Art: Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, it occurred to me that the snitch might know who shotgunned Simon Poole ... and, in fact, might be the one who did it. Katherine: Well, isn't that little Mexican a.U.S.A. of yours already convinced that I'm the one who had his boss gunned down? Art: Lack of evidence to the contrary, it's not a bad bet. You know what? It's a crazy coincidence, but I happen to be looking into the murder of Simon Poole, as well. Art: Really? Trying to clear your good name? Well, it seems to me that whoever killed Simon Poole is probably the same person who killed Grady in prison ... all at the behest of whoever ratted on Grady to begin with. Art: And you think it's Markham? Katherine: What do you think? I, um... I'm gonna need to open a drawer. Art: Slowly. Katherine: Do you know who Gordon Keith is? Art: Can't say that I do. Well, see what you can make of that. Art: Hmm. You just want to see justice done, huh? Katherine: The man who shot you ... he changed your life forever, right? And what happened to him? Art: Well, he got his balls shot off, then he got gut-shot. Least, that's what the report said. Sadly, I wasn't there. Well, the guy who ratted on Grady turned my life to sh1t, and I want something like that to happen to him. That is what I want. You can see yourself out. [folder flapping] [SCENE_BREAK] [door opens, bells jingle] [door closes] Raylan: I figured I'd find you back in Harlan ... back of your restaurant, back against the wall. I've heard it called "the Sicilian advantage." Markham: Well, I ain't Sicilian. I'm just reading a newspaper. Raylan: Eyes on points of entry and exit, geography mitigating surprise. You're down a few on your security detail. Why you got that shoulder rig ... take any comers try to hit your vault full of drug money. Markham: You see that sign? Have a nice day, marshal. Raylan: You see this star? Kiss my ass, Markham. Harlan. Hell of a place to make your fortune. Markham: Fortune? Hell, I'm putting down roots. Raylan: Tough to do in quicksand. Markham: You proud of yourself ... slowing me down? Raylan: I might be if I was the only one. Can't take credit for all your troubles, though, can I? Markham: If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Raylan: That's why you drove up to Lexington ... show the U.S. Marshals you're there to help? Markham: You're asking for my help? Raylan: I want Walker, you want land. Help me get Walker, maybe you get your land. Markham: My, my. Stooping to extortion. Raylan: Extortion? Simple math. I get Walker cleared of my plate, I get Boyd. Markham: That's about as clear as mud, son. Raylan: Who you waiting to barge through that door? Hmm? Who put the word out to half the landowners in town? Markham: Telling me it wasn't you? Raylan: You think folks around here are gonna turn you away 'cause some lawman said so? Crowder said, "you sell, you die." Markham: You're telling me, after all the saber rattling, we're on the same side? Raylan: Saying we got a common problem. Markham: And Walker's the man in between. Raylan: I know what you're thinking. Walker goes down, talks, you're in the hot seat. But you ever know an ex-ranger to give up without a fight? Markham: [chuckles] I just can't imagine you're part of the solution. Raylan: Who else you got? Tell me why. Raylan: Let's just say you're putting down roots, I'm pulling up. Sick of the past. Markham: True. Past is a shadow. Always there behind you. Raylan: In Harlan ... sh1t, it ain't behind you. It's vertical. Dig down another layer, turn up some horror. Let's talk how we get the man in the middle. [music] What's the one thing no shit-apple redneck in the world can resist? Jackie: And that will be coming up at the top of the hour here on "the Crow Show," but right now, I am joined by once-and-future local luminary Avery Markham. Now, this is a man who... Raylan: Tim, I know I said I wasn't gonna help run down Walker, but, well... there's a certain kind of man who, in this situation, would say, "you're welcome." Not me, per se ... a certain kind of man. Tim: A dick. Raylan: Pretty sure there's a radio there on the dining room hutch. Tune in to AM 1194. [click, radio tuning] Tim: All right, quiet, everyone. Hey! Jackie: You listen to "the Crow Show," you know we here are keeping... Tim: They're playing Raylan's song on the radio, here. Jackie: ...going on with law enforcement, and I'm not exaggerating to say that there's a pretty serious manhunt going on out there, And he has an idea that could throw the cuffs on this fugitive before anyone else gets hurt, so please elaborate. Markham: Well, thank you, Jackie. I'd just like to tell all the folks out there that I'm willing to guarantee a $100,000 cash reward to any person who can bring in the fugitive Ty Walker. Tim: Jesus Christ. Raylan: You're welcome. [cellphone beeps] Boyd: You sensitive to odors, Mr. Walker? Walker: As much as anyone. Why? Boyd: Man I know used to smuggle weed in trucks full of pig sh1t. Walker: I've seen men survive in worse ways, but I wouldn't mind a more appetizing option. Ava: What about grubes? Walker: Grooves in what? Boyd: Not grooves ... grubes. He's a man I know ... sort of. Ava: Lives up in them hills, like a wildcat, but he ain't no hill person. Boyd: He ain't one of us, either. He'll get you to the other side of that mountain. Of that, I'm certain. But I don't know what he will want in return. I don't think money means so much to a fellow like that. Walker: Well, I'm gonna want to talk to him ... Him or the pig-shit guy ... before we go to the Portal. I want assurances. Boyd: First, let's talk about how we get into the Pizza Portal. Then we'll talk about your assurances. Walker: We drive up, we walk in. I told you ... there's no one left to guard the place. Boyd: With you and one of your men loose, you better believe the marshals are watching that place 24/7. Walker: Call in an anonymous tip ... Ty Walker holed up across town. Boyd: And whose phone you think we gonna use to make that call, Mr. Walker? Sit tight while I confer with my lady. One text from you, and those marshals will go wherever you say. Ava: We can only pull this trigger once, Boyd. I lie to Raylan like that, and I am burnt. Boyd: I understand that, baby, but if we got to pull that trigger, this is the bull's-eye we want to hit. Now, we walk in, we take the money, and just like that, we're gone. Earl: Boyd? Boyd! [vehicle approaching] Boyd: What?! Walker: Car coming. Earl: Think it's that marshal grabbed my nuts. Walker: sh1t. Boyd: Raylan Givens. Raylan: Look at you, hopping to like Mr. Hospitality. Must be hiding something good. Boyd: Arms aloft in a welcoming stance? Not I. Raylan: Surely something good is going on inside. Boyd: Well, you do have a tendency to interlope in moments of high drama, but this ain't one of those moments. Raylan: Do you even know when you're lying anymore, or is it just like blinking? Boyd: What do you want, Raylan? Leftover chicken? It's all been et. Raylan: What happened to the big, bad man called out 24 hours to get 'er done? Boyd: Afraid I don't understand your reference, Raylan. Raylan: I'm asking where your balls are at. You gonna pull off the job, Boyd, or am I gonna die of anticipation? Boyd: Is that why you came ... help me find my balls? Raylan: I came to tell you I'm tired of waiting, tired of the bullshit. I been lying to you, Boyd. Well, now we're getting somewhere. Raylan: Keeping up the fiction that I got all manner of things tying me to Kentucky ... things that forestall my moving to Florida. But there is only the one thing ... you. Boyd: You wanna lean in for a kiss? Raylan: Is that what you think this is ... another one of your love stories? Boyd: Oh, well, I do like happy endings. Raylan: Well, this is one of them classic stories, where the hero gets his man, then he rides off into the sunset. Boyd: [laughs] Or maybe it's like that other classic, where a guy chases a whale to the ends of the Earth, only to drown for his troubles. Raylan: I got to admit, there's a small part of me that's gonna miss this when it's over. Boyd: [chuckles] Well, don't eulogize the past till the future gets its turn. [Door opens, closes] Ava: Boyd. Where's your head? Raylan, you want to come in for a drink? I think I will. Ava: See? Look. Nothing to hide. Raylan: Oh. So you heard? Ava: It's quiet in here. Voices travel. Raylan: Why so quiet? Everything okay? Boyd: Everything's fine, Raylan. Raylan: The lady can certainly answer for herself. Everything fine? Ava: Yes, Raylan. Everything's fine. Boyd: You satisfied? Now, ain't you got something better to do, like building the case against the magnificent Boyd Crowder? Raylan: Oh, I got tons to do. Like, I got to find Avery Markham's badman. But I got a top man operating behind the scenes, so frees me up to come here and help you find your balls. Boyd: Damn, Raylan, you in love with my balls. Raylan: You must not have heard... money antenna ain't shivering. $100,000 goes to whoever helps bring in the badman. Boyd: This man giving you your money, he your new "top man"? Raylan: Avery Markham himself. Boyd: Markham's turning in one of his own soldiers. Well, that's cold-blooded, brother! Raylan: Every turd with a pair of nuts and a scatter-gun gonna be combing the countryside with dollar signs in their eyes. Boyd: He's in the back. [thudding] Raylan: Walker! Stop! [gunfire] Walker: [groaning] [straining] This is bullshit. You shot me in the back! Raylan: You wanted to get hit in the front, you should have run toward me. All for what ... money? [weakly] No. [wheezing] No. No. No, not just money. [inhales raggedly] No... [exhales slowly] [police radio chatter] Raylan: Your five minutes are up. Geist: And now it's your turn? No. Boyd: Does that mean we can go now? Nobody's talking to you. Geist: Exactly ... or Ms. Crowder or the boy with the busted lip. Now, my clients were in fear for their lives. They were not trying to harbor a dangerous fugitive. They were trying to find a way to notify the authorities when you showed up. And, uh... thank you for rescuing them. Raylan: You're a good lawyer. All the good ones have ponytails. Geist: Good evening to you, too. Raylan: You ain't gonna collect your reward money, Boyd? Boyd: Come on, baby. Raylan: 100,000 bucks! Boyd: You are so full of sh1t. Oh. So you don't want it? My goodness. Boyd: Whoa. Hold on, now. What's the catch? Raylan: No catch. On my mama's grave. [music] Markham: You've got to be joking me. Raylan: What's important is not who gets the reward... Markham: It is not unimportant. Raylan: ...but the fact that a dangerous man has been taken off the streets because of your generosity. [tumblers clicking] [vault door creaks] Zachariah: [grunting] Okay. Get on out of here. Carl: You sure? Zachariah: Yeah. [vault door creaks] [vault door locks] Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole! Yee! Boyd: Well, I was born at night, Raylan, but I wasn't born last night. You wanted me to see that stack. That's why you pushed for this. Raylan: I wanted you to get your due reward. Boyd: What happened to all that talk about "no more lies"? Raylan: Guess that was a lie. Boyd: Told on your mama's grave. Raylan: You know, I never put too much stock in that kind of sh1t. Boyd: No. Lying comes easy to both of us. Raylan: Mm. It's a hell of a stack, huh? Boyd: You sure you want me to take that bait? 'Cause this fox goes for that rabbit... ...it's all over, Raylan. I tremble with anticipation. Boyd: [chuckles] [footsteps depart] Raylan: [sighs] [rumbling in distance] [rumbling continues] [rumbling stops] Earl: Hey, Boyd, it's us. Boyd: Now, Earl, you keep working this hard, you're gonna have a hell of a bonus in your Christmas stocking. Now, why don't you go on home, see about that split lip? Earl: Appreciate that, Boyd. I'd do anything for y'all. Boyd: Go on. [door opens] [door closes] $100,000 ... cash. You should have seen the look on the man's face, having to hand it over. Ava: [sighs] So we got money now. Let's go. Boyd: I thought you might say that. First, I got to show you something. Ava: What is it? Boyd: This is the exact size of the stack of money in Markham's vault. It's all in hundreds, like the bundle he gave me. God damn it. It's got to be $10 million, Ava. Ava: That's a lot of money. [chuckles] But a bird in the hand... Boyd: $10 million is a whole lot of birds, baby. Ava: Boyd, there's about a hundred ways today could've gone wrong ... me back in prison or both of us shot dead. You keep saying "when we're done," "when we get this money." Well, we got money. Let's go. Boyd: Baby, what are we gonna do with $100,000? Ava: What are we gonna do with $10 million? Boyd, please. It will be enough. Boyd: Baby, you know me. I have never done anything half-measure in my life. I can't start now ... not when there's this much meat on the bone. This is $10 million, baby. $10 million. Ava: $10 or $10 million ... would you ever be able to walk away? Boyd: Do I have a choice? Ava: Yes. That's what this is about. Boyd: [sighs] Ava: Where's my phone? I need to meet Raylan. After what happened today... You ain't afraid I'll spill my guts, beg him to pull me out? Boyd: I know that you will tell him as little as possible. I know that you love me, Ava. And I know even if you didn't, you're a smart woman who knows a good deal when she sees one. Now, you help Raylan put me away, what's he got to offer you? A clean slate in witness protection? A shitty condo in Arizona? Little bit of money? How much money? Ava: 50 grand. Boyd: 50 grand? [scoffs] There's 50 grand. And there's $10 million. Take your pick. [vehicle approaches, engine shuts off] Raylan: How'd you get away? Ava: $100,000? If I succeed ... if I don't lose my mind, if I survive ... I get $50,000. You give him $100,000 like it is pocket change. Raylan: You get government money, Ava. That money's somebody else's. Besides, you got it all wrong, anyway. That ain't his money. It's just... cheese in a trap. Ava: Goddamn right ... a $10 million hunk. Raylan: So you see what I'm doing? No, I don't. I'm confused. Who are you trying to tempt, him or me? I mean, who do you think I am? Raylan: I don't know. You tell me. 'Cause I'm just as confused. What the hell was that today? Ava: You mean besides tense? Walker in back with a gun on us? Raylan: Exactly. You call me inside, toward the gun. Ava: I was trying to cool things down. You and Boyd were out front about to kill each other. Raylan: Boyd looked like he was gonna kill you, you stuck your nose in there. In fact, it defies my understanding of the man that you show up here untouched. Ava: What are you so mad for? Keep saying how you're scared, yet you don't have a scratch. It all adds up to bullshit. Ava: You did get your man! Who, Walker? Jesus Christ. Oh, Lord, if I knew we were gonna argue, I would've stayed at home! Raylan: What happened in Bulletville? Ava: [sighs] Raylan: Something happened. Ava: We went hunting. Boyd wanted to catch opening day. We made a vacation of it. Raylan: Some vacation, bleeding and butchering hog. Ava: I'm glad I came by ... so I could hear you call me a redneck. You know what? Your neck is just as red as mine. You just don't see it 'cause you're always walking forward. Raylan: How else do you walk, Ava? You know what I mean ... Wishing you were better'n where you come from. Just admit something ... you could've just as easily been an outlaw as a lawman. Raylan: Well, obviously, Ava. But the past is a statement. The future is a question. Ava: [ sighs ] The past and the future are a fight to the death. Raylan: What happened in Bulletville? Ava: [sighs] Raylan: You in trouble? Ava: No. I told you ... I will dig into Zachariah. Raylan: I already got to him. I already know why Boyd needs him. Ava: You know where they're doing it? They're going up through a busted mine ... obsidian ... up through the ground in Blanton Creek. Raylan: [sighs] Why is it always a fight with us? Ava: We're too alike, I think. Raylan: Good news, bad news? Rachel: Good news first. Raylan: Despite my prodding, I don't know when, but I do know how. Rachel: How? Raylan: He's coming up. The dynamite Zachariah had ain't to blow the doors off the vault. It's for the rock below. Boyd's gonna blast up from underneath. What's the bad news? Raylan: Ava's burned. Rachel: You sure? Pretty sure. Rachel: Damn it! Raylan: I know. Rachel: What tipped it? Raylan: I just know. Rachel: You get up here in the morning, hash out what the hell we're gonna do next? I'll be up around 11:00. Something I got to do first. [insects chirping] [music] Raylan: Nothing. Arlo: What were you expecting? Rosebud? Raylan: I don't know what I was expecting, but... it was time I looked. [water dripping] Arlo: Took you long enough. Raylan: My whole life, I had nightmares about what you locked up in here ... slave girls... animal for killing... secrets, horror. Arlo: And it ain't nothin'. Just like you, boy ... with your head in the goddamn clouds. Raylan: You kept us away of your 'fraidy hole like it held the treasures of Kublai Khan. Arlo: Well, it's just a place I used go ... my place, my own dirt... dark and far away. Raylan: That's why you had the key around your neck in the war. Arlo: Wouldn't you want to go far away from that? Raylan: Every evil thing inside you... I thought was in here. Arlo: And it's a big, fat nothin'. Raylan: [sighs] I thought about what you said ... about the idea of the remains. You're right. There's nothing left. Whatever it was, whatever she was, it's long gone. There's still some of him left, but... eventually, that'll go, too. Mortician: Well, are you saying you want us to halt the work? Raylan: I'm saying I won't meddle with what's been done. Mortician: Where would you like it relocated? Raylan: Your guess is as good as mine.

Ready to pull-up roots, Raylan cleans up Arlo's house and burns the contents of his old army footlocker. He makes arrangements to have the family remains interred on the property moved to the town cemetery. Raylan then catches Zachariah getting a box of dynamite to hurry along the tunnelling per Boyd's request, and Raylan lets him carry-on hoping Boyd will get in deeper. Raylan then goes to Avery at the empty Pizza Portal, asking for help to conclude the manhunt so he can get back on Boyd, revealing that Boyd has been the thorn in Avery's side. Avery goes along, announcing a $100k reward for bringing in Ty. Earl escorts Ava home only to be ambushed by Ty. Having been burned by Avery, Ty proposes to Boyd a scheme to rob his former employer, knowing his team are dead or in the wind leaving an unguarded vault to which he has the combination. Raylan arrives and tells them about the reward for Ty; realizing it is too dangerous to shelter him, Boyd reveals the fugitive who makes a run for it and is shot down by Raylan. To collect the reward Boyd is brought to the Pizza Portal and shown the stacks of cash, some $10M, lighting a fire under him to pull off the heist. Ava later informs to Raylan, telling him the mineshaft Boyd is using to tunnel for the vault, though Raylan also gets the impression that Ava's been burned. Before leaving Harlan, Raylan looks into Arlo's back shed fearing the worst but finding it empty. Also, Wynn provides Katherine with a theory linking now-deceased Gordon Keith, a colleague of his who worked for Avery, as the killer of both Grady and Poole; Katherine passes along this information to Art.

fd_Frasier_01x10

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Act One. HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE Scene A: Caf Nervosa. Frasier and Niles are there. Niles: So I just had to get out of the house. Maris's Junior League are rehearsing their spring musical - this year they're doing "Cats." The past week and a half I've been watching two dozen underweight, tightly-pulled woman in leotards crawling round the music room, meowing. I'm telling you Frasier, my allergies are acting up. Frasier: Oh Niles, I think you're exaggerating. Niles: No. No, really. You've no idea how vivid the experience is. As God is my judge, I swear, Mrs. Presley-Bismouth was scent- marking the divan. Frasier: God, you'd think women of that age would choose more suitable material. Remember the last show they did, "The Sound Of Music"? My God, half the Von Trapp children were having hot flashes. Roz enters with "Chopper" Dave and Teddy, a technician. Roz: Hi, Frasier, Niles. Niles: Let me guess. The wacky gang from the office? Frasier: [making introductions] Everyone, this is my brother Niles. This is Teddy, one of our brilliant engineers.. Teddy: [shaking hands] Niles. Niles: Teddy, my man! Frasier: This is KACL's inimitable "Chopper" Dave. Your Eye in the Sky for traffic. Dave: [loudly] NICE TO MEET YOU, NILES! Niles: [to Frasier] Why is this man yelling? Dave: Oh, was I yelling? Oh god, I was yelling again, wasn't I? I'm sorry, talking over the blades, you know? Whoomp- whoomp-whoomp-whoomp-whoomp-whoomp... Niles: This has been kind of fun, ah, but I really have to go. I'm conducting a seminar on multiple personality disorders, and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags. [leaves] Frasier: Well, KACL team, what is on the agenda for today? Roz: Sit down and listen to this. I got a juicy piece of news, and it's reliable. Alan in Accounting got it from Steven in Promotions, who got it from Cindy in Retail Sales, who got it from Arlene, the station manager's secretary - that the station is definitely way over budget, and somebody's getting the ax. But don't tell anybody, I was sworn to secrecy. Frasier: Roz, I'm ashamed of you! Gossip, gossip, gossip. Don't you know how destructive that can be? It does nothing but sully good people's names and create an atmosphere of suspicion and mistrust. Roz: Oh, lighten up. Gossip is the lifeblood of the corporate world. If it wasn't for gossip, we wouldn't know any of the important things, like how much everybody makes. Frasier: You know my salary? Dave: NO-ONE'S SALARY'S A SECRET AROUND HERE. Bulldog enters, squeezing a pair of handgrips. Bulldog: Ninety-four, ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven... Teddy: Hey, Bulldog. How's it going? Bulldog: Great - ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred! - new high for me. Roz: Squeezing or counting? Bulldog: [barks at Roz, then goes to counter] Java to go. Dave: YOU KNOW WHO I THINK'S GETTING DUMPED? FATHER MIKE FROM "RELIGION ON THE LINE." Roz: No way. Station loves him. Just gave him a big bonus. Bulldog, still at the counter, starts going through his pockets. Bulldog: Hey, where's my tickets to the Sonics game? They were here just a second ago. [hits the counter] SOMEBODY STOLE MY TICKETS TO THE SONICS GAME! THIS STINKS! THIS IS TOTAL B.S! THIS IS... [checks another pocket] oh, got 'em. Got 'em. Roz: Hey. You guys don't think it's Bulldog who's getting canned? Teddy: Could be. Frasier: Oh, no no no no. He's the station's highest-rated personality. I mean, with the exception of women thirty-five to fifty-four who happen to think that I'm... sort of a god. Teddy: But he has been in that salary beef with management. Roz: And I heard him screaming at business affairs for putting his expense account on hold. Dave: OH YEAH, BULLDOG'S OUT! The others motion him to keep quiet as Bulldog walks past. Bulldog: Hey. Have you heard about my new gimmick for the show? If the Seahawks beat Buffalo this Sunday, I promise to do my entire show hanging by my feet. Frasier: You can do that? Bulldog: Oh, sure. Practiced all morning. The real trick is drinking coffee. I keep burning my eyes. Hey, Dave. Want my tickets to the Sonics Game tonight? Dave: [takes them] THANKS! WHY AREN'T YOU GOING? Bulldog: Ah, station manager wants to see me after work. He leaves. Teddy/Dave/Roz: Ooh... Frasier: Oh people, people. You're jumping to conclusions. Show a little respect. Bulldog has devoted fifteen years of his life to radio. My own personal feelings aside, the man deserves better than to become the object of some scurrilous rumor that as yet hasn't a shred of truth to it. Roz: Yeah. I suppose you're right. Frasier: Yes, well... just in case, I've got dibs on his parking space. [leaves] [SCENE_BREAK] DID I DO THAT? Scene B: Radio Station. Frasier is doing his show. Roz: Dr. Crane, we have Don on his car phone. He's having a problem with his weight. Frasier: Don, it's a common problem. I'm listening. Don: [v.o.] Ah, it's the screwiest thing, Doc. I eat healthy, I work out. But no matter what I do, I can't lose a pound, it's very depressing. Frasier: Yes, well, losing weight can be a lifelong struggle. It takes a commitment. Now, if you're ready to accept that, there are a number of things I can suggest... Waitress: [v.o., in background] May I take your order, please? Frasier: Uh Don, what was that? Don: Ah - oh, nothing. It was the radio. Go ahead, you were talking. Frasier: Don...? Where are you? Don: I'm just driving around. Waitress: [v.o.] Hey, speak into the clown's mouth! Frasier: Don...? Don: Sorry, Dr. Crane. [imitates static] I'm going to lose you. I'm going into a tunnel. Goodbye! [hangs up] Frasier: Yes, and the light at the end of that tunnel is a heat lamp over a large order of fries. We'll be right back after the news. He goes off the air. Roz: Hey Frasier, I've got to run up to payroll, be back in five. Frasier: Okay. He steps into the corridor, where he meets Father Mike at the candy machine. Frasier: Oh, hi Father Mike. Mike: Oh, hello Frasier. Frasier: How you doing? Mike: Say, I just heard a rumor that somebody 'round here is being let go. Do you know anything about that, because to tell you the truth, I'm afraid it might be me. Frasier: Oh Father, Father. You should better than to put any stock in idle office gossip. Mike: I know, I know. But it's hard not to. My numbers have been down lately, they keep changing my timeslot. I'm really bummed! Frasier: Well, listen Father. I don't like to engage in gossip, but you have nothing to worry about. Mike: Yes? Why? Frasier: Well, someone is being let go... Mike: Oh? Frasier: But ah, it's not you. It's Bulldog. Mike: Bulldog? Oh, what a shame. Frasier: Yes. Mike: Has anybody spoken for his parking space? Frasier: Well I have, yes. Frasier goes back into the booth to find that Bulldog has been standing behind the door, and has heard every word. Bulldog: So I'm a goner, huh? Frasier: Bulldog. Well, how long have you been...? Bulldog: Long enough to know I'm the one who's out. [starts banging head on table] I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Damn it! Now I know why Ned Miller wants to see me after work. It's to can my butt. I mean, why else would he be willing to miss happy hour at El Paquito's? The man's a total boozer! Frasier: Now, now now now now, Bulldog listen, this is just a rumor. You know how out of the loop I am. Bulldog: Oh, yeah. And after all I've done for this lousy station, this is how they repay me? Well, that's it! Nobody fires Bob Briscoe! I'll quit first. Frasier: Now, now now. Don't do anything rash. Now listen, I suggest you try to vent your anger first. Bulldog grabs the mike and rips it in two. Frasier: Well... there, way to go. Now, on your way. Bulldog: You're damn right. [he leaves, as Roz returns] Roz: Hey, Bulldog. Bulldog: No time to talk, slim, I'm off to war! He exits, then dashes back in, grabs Roz, and gives her a deep kiss. Before she can resist, he lets her go. Bulldog: Wait for me. He dashes out. Roz: Oh! [to Frasier] What was that? Frasier: Bulldog's quitting. Roz: Why? Frasier: Well, because Ned Miller is firing him. Roz: Who told you that? Frasier: You did. Roz: That was just a rumor... You didn't tell him that, did you?! Frasier: I didn't mean to, he overheard me. Roz: Oh, God! Frasier: What? Come on, you guys were so positive - the expense account thing, the meeting with management at five? Roz: That meeting was to discuss taking his show national! Don't you know anything that goes on around here?! Frasier: Apparently not! Roz: Well, don't just stand there. Go call his secretary, she'll stop him before he gets in. Frasier: I don't believe this, this is incredible, [on phone] Yes, hello, hello Arlene? Arlene, yes, listen. Bob Briscoe's about to jump into the office and... oh. [replaces phone] God, he's already burst into the office with Miller. Oh god, this is a disaster. Roz: Maybe not, maybe not. Maybe before Bulldog starts anything Miller will tell him what the meeting was really about. Frasier: Well I, I suppose you're right. For all we know they may be having a good laugh about this right now. Cut to station manager's point of view (shown through a fish-eye camera lens). Bulldog is in his face, telling him off. But instead of words, we hear dog-like barking and snarling. Cut back to the booth. Roz: Grab that mike. We're out of the news in one minute. Bulldog returns. Bulldog: I did it! I scorched him! [laughs maniacally] You should have seen the look on his face. Oh, I even told him about the time his wife came on to me at the Christmas party. I said there wasn't enough liquor in the world to make me sleep with that porker! Frasier: You said that to Ned Miller? Bulldog: Yes! Yeah, he even took a swing at me. I gave him a little okey-doke and he hit air! Frasier: My god, the man tried to strike you? Listen, Bulldog... Bulldog: Hey, hey! No sudden moves, doc. I'm still too pumped. I feel like poppin' someone. [he leaves] Frasier: My god, my god, this is unbelievable. [to Roz] A man has quit his job just because of a rumor that you spread! Roz: Me?! The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of him. I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept! Frasier: I'm a bad, bad man. [hangs head in shame] Roz: Well Frasier, you have got to do something. You gotta call Ned Miller and get this whole thing cleared up. Frasier: Oh, right. "Call Ned Miller, clear this thing up." The man is totally unstable, he tried to take a swing at me the day he hired me. Chopper Dave comes in, shouting as usual. Dave: OOH, JUST HEARD A HOT RUMOUR! BULLDOG QUIT! Frasier: No kidding. Dave: BUT KEEP IT UNDER YOUR HAT! VERY HUSH-HUSH! [leaves] End of Act One. Act Two. ONE DOG NIGHT Scene C: Frasier's Apartment. Martin opens the door for Niles. Martin: Niles, what brings you here? Niles: [carrying a dead plant] Well, I was hoping Daphne could take a look at this plant. I bought it for Maris but it unaccountably turned against her. I thought Daphne was the perfect person to nurse it back to health with her soft, sensual hands and her loving... manner. Is she here? Martin: No, she stepped out. I don't know when she'll be back. Niles: Well, I'm off. [goes towards door] Martin: What, hey! You can stay. I haven't seen you for a while, you can visit. Niles: Well, yes we could, couldn't we? He sits. There are a few moments of silence. Niles: ...So, how are ya? Martin: Fine. You? Niles: Fine... She's fine. Martin: ...Pickle? Niles: No, thanks. Martin: ...Look Niles, if you just came to see Daphne, you don't have to stay. Niles: Dad, I can't believe you would say that. To your own son. I am deeply insulted. Here I wanted to have some time with you but now I'm so upset I'll have to leave. [heads towards door again, just as Daphne enters] Daphne: Oh, hello Dr. Crane. Staying for dinner? Niles: Yes, love to. Martin shakes his head. Niles gives the plant to Daphne. Niles: Daphne, I had the fervent hope that you could coax this back to life. It's one of Maris's favorites. Daphne: My goodness, what did she do to it? Niles: Nothing. Just loved it. Frasier enters. Frasier: God. Can you believe this weather? Martin: Oh, Frasier. I'm glad you're home. What happened to Bulldog? Frasier: [panic-stricken] Who told you? Martin: Nobody told me anything. I turned into the "Gonzo Sports Show" today like I always do, and they had Father Mike filling in. I hate that. All it was, was "Notre Dame, Notre Dame, Notre Dame." Frasier: Yes, well, Bulldog tended his resignation. Martin: Oh, no. Why would he do that? He's the top sports guy in town. Frasier: Well, you know, things just go funny sometimes. It's a tough business, this radio game, you know? Daphne: Dr. Crane, I'm picking up something from you. You're shrouded in an aura of guilt. Frasier: ...Maybe I am. Niles: Daphne, that's fantastic. Do me, do me. Daphne: No, I'm on to something here. [to Frasier] You actually think you're responsible for Bulldog losing his job. Martin: Frasier? Frasier: All right, all right. Ah, there was a rumor going 'round the station that Bulldog was going to get sacked, and then... I was repeating it to someone and he overheard me and flew off the handle, went up and quit his job. In the end it turned out that the rumor wasn't true. [to Daphne] Of course, you already knew that, didn't you? Niles's phone rings. Niles: Oh, excuse me. [answers phone] Hello? Maris... Maris? What's wrong? It's all right... no, no. Everything's going to be... Oh, dear. [puts phone back in pocket] Sorry, I have to go. Maris is despondent. They kicked her out of the cast of "Cats." Daphne: Why? Niles: She couldn't remember the words to "Memory." He leaves. Martin: Now listen here, Frasier. If you're responsible for Bulldog losing his job, you've got to make this right. You gotta go down to that station and talk to the boss and get him his job back. Frasier: Well, that's a little easier said than done. Ned Miller is the most intimidating, heartless, mean-spirited man I've ever had the misfortune to meet. Daphne: And he cheats on his wife... [realizes] My goodness, I'm on today. Martin: So you're selling Bulldog down the river just 'cause you don't have the guts to go and face this guy? Frasier: No, no. For all we know this might just be the best thing that ever happened to him. You know, he's always talking about how he should be in a larger market, like Los Angeles, or New York... Eddie starts pawing at the front door. Frasier: Eddie, scoot. Scat. Frasier opens the door to find Bulldog standing there, bag over his shoulder, very sad and despondent. Frasier: Oh, Bulldog. Bulldog: Hiya, Doc. Frasier: Well, what are you doing, just standing there? Bulldog: ...I don't know. I was trying to decide whether or not I should bother you. See, my life is kinda over, but you got company, so I'll go. Frasier: No, no-no-no-no. Come in, come in, it's just family. This is my dad, and Daphne Moon. Martin: Hey, Bulldog. You're soaking wet. Bulldog: Yeah, I been wandering around the streets for the last few hours. Martin: I heard what happened. Bulldog: You haven't heard the half of it. [grabs Frasier's sherry and throws it back] My girlfriend threw me out. She said the only reason she was with me was because I was on the radio. Can you believe that? Eight years we've been together. I loved that woman. Even when I was tomcatting around, I loved that woman. God, that job was my life, and now I've been blackballed in this business, and all because of my stupid temper. [picks up a piece of African art] What is this, anyway? Frasier: Oh, that's an exceedingly rare fertility symbol from a small nomadic tribe in Ghana. Bulldog: I guess when they were passing out equipment, this guy was in the back of the line. [slams it down on the table] Anyway, I might as well face it, I'm just a loser, I'm a zero, I'm nothing, a has-been.. Martin: Pickle? [Bulldog accepts] Daphne: Now, I'm not familiar with your work myself, but Mr. Crane often puts off his nightly bath just so he can hear your show. Martin: Oh, yeah. You're the greatest, Bulldog. If you weren't on the radio, I wouldn't have a radio. Bulldog: That's a nice thing to say. Now I know why your son is such a great guy. [Martin and Daphne turn to stare at Frasier] I've bothered you people enough. I better go. The good rooms at the "Y" fill up early. [Martin and Daphne stare at Frasier again] Frasier: Wait. Bulldog, I can't let you leave like this. [goes into his pocket] Here's a twenty. [Martin glares at him] Oh, all right. Why don't you just spend the night, you can take the couch. Bulldog: Wow. You'd do that for me? Frasier: Why sure, what's the point of having an expensive suede couch if you can't have a bunch of people crashing on it? Bulldog: Thanks, Doc. Hey, I hope it's okay, but I could really use a hot shower. Frasier: Oh sure, sure. Daphne: Down the hall, second door on the left. Towels are in the cabinet. Bulldog exits down the corridor. Martin and Daphne go back to staring at Frasier. Frasier: Now, you two just leave me alone. This is not my fault. Look, I am not responsible for Bulldog going up there and popping off to the boss. You can stare at me 'til you're blue in the face, I'm not going to go see Ned Miller. Eddie joins in the staring. Frasier knows he's beat. Frasier: Oh, all right! I'll go down to the station, I will talk to the monster on the sixth floor and futilely attempt to get a man back his job that I don't even care for, and in the process I will probably end up spitting out my teeth like Chiclets! Is there anything else I can do for you? Eddie barks. Daphne: Oh, if you're going by the market, we're low on dog food. [SCENE_BREAK] IT'S MILLER TIME Scene D: Ned Miller's office. He's hanging a picture as Frasier knocks on the door. Miller: What, what?! Frasier: [entering] Mr. Miller... Miller: Oh, it's you, Crane. Frasier: Look, I don't mean to disturb you, but Arlene wasn't at her desk. Miller: I had to let her go. A lot of stuff she's been doing lately's been ticking me off. Frasier: If this is a bad time... Miller: No, it's a perfect time, I need you to hold this. [indicating picture] Come on. Now! Frasier takes the painting and holds it to the wall as Miller stands back. Frasier: Okay, how's this? Miller: I'd love to tell you, but your big head's in the way. Frasier crouches down to get out of the line of view. Miller: Ah, put it down. Frasier lowers the painting to reveal a large hole in the wall. Frasier: Oh my lord! What happened here? Miller: Oh, that psycho Bulldog and I got into it this afternoon. He threw my Golden Mike at me! Frasier: [looking at hole] And he did that with your little trophy? Miller: No, he just chipped the paint with the trophy, I did that with his head! He goes to the bar and pours himself a scotch from a decanter. Frasier: Ah. That's, ah, sort of why I'm here. Miller: Drink? Frasier: No. No thank you, Mr. Miller. Um, I know that Bulldog was up here, and he said some... pretty regrettable things to you. Miller: I'll say he said some things. You want to hear them? I tape everything in this office. This makes Frasier even more uncomfortable. Frasier: Well anyway, ah, a lot of what he said was, ah... was my fault, you see? Well, you see, I heard a rumor that, ah, management was thinking about lightening the load a bit. Well, I heard it was Bulldog that was gonna get sacked and I... I was repeating the rumor to someone and Bulldog heard me. And that's why he came up here and started telling you... Miller: That I'm a drunk, that I'm incompetent at my job, that my wife is a big fat slut! Frasier: That is indefensible! Your wife is not overweight! [realizes] Well anyway, my point is that, um, I'd like you to reconsider giving Bulldog his job back. And ah, whatever the consequences to me, I'm willing to accept it. Miller: Look, I won't kid you. Bulldog meant big numbers to us in Drive Time, we need him back. Tell you what - you get him to apologize to me... oh hell, why don't I just say it? If he'll kiss my ass, maybe we can work something out. Frasier: Oh sir, sir, I'm sure that'll make him so happy. He stands and holds out his hand, but Miller has already picked up his glass again. Frasier: Well, I'll just, ah, get out of you hair. [goes to door] Miller: Actually Crane, that uh, rumor about someone being let go is, uh... true. Frasier: What? Miller: Now that you've so nobly gotten Bulldog his job back, the station still needs to make some cutbacks on those high-priced salaries. Frasier: Oh god, not Father Mike? Oh, no. Miller: No. It's not Father Mike. Frasier: Chopper Dave? Ray the Greengrocer? Bonnie "the Auto Lady" Weems? Ned looks at Frasier, indicating it's him. Miller: Look, Crane. You're new to the radio game, I've been around a long time. People get fired. But they always get back on their feet. So... I bet you I could get you that drink now? Frasier: Yes, I bet you could. Miller: [the phone rings] Help yourself. Frasier takes the decanter from the bar as Miller answers the phone. Miller: Ned Miller! Yo, Jack! No, what's wrong? Ah, come on, tell me now. Uh-huh. I see. No, no no, I-I... Thanks, Jack. Frasier has taken a stiff drink of Scotch, and is about to pour himself a second. Miller replaces the phone, and takes the decanter from Frasier's hand before he can pour. Miller: Excuse me. [fills his glass] Frasier: Bad news? Miller: Oh, you could say that. I've just been fired. They decided the best way to cut the budget was to get rid of MY high salary. Frasier: [struggles to hide his grin] Oh, Ned, I... I'm so sorry. Then I guess this means that my job is still safe, then? Miller: Yeah. I guess so. Frasier: [expansively] Well, you know Ned... I haven't been in the radio game that long. But, uh, I've been around long enough to know that people get fired. And when they do, they always seem to land on their feet. Now I've known quite a few people - and counseled them - that have suffered similar setbacks. But, ah, in time you will embrace this. Learn to think of this as, oh, a new chapter. You know, in theatrical circles, they always say "Every exit is but an entrance to somewhere else." Miller stares at Frasier for a long beat. Miller: God, I wish I'd fired you when I had the chance! End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier and Roz are watching Bulldog do his show. As promised, he's hanging upside down. He bangs his gong, blows his whistle, and speaks into the mike. He takes a drink of coffee, and burns his eyes. He lifts his shirt into his face to wipe them.

Frasier is told a rumor that one of the KACL on-air staff is getting fired. When sportscaster Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe is called into a meeting with management, Frasier assumes the rumor is true and accidentally reveals it to him. As a result, Bulldog quits the station while Frasier learns that his job was actually safe. Feeling guilty and feeling pressure from Martin, Frasier decides to go to the station manager and beg for Bulldog's job back, only to learn the rumor was true and it was actually Frasier who was about to be fired.

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fd_Alias_05x02_0

(A bar) REN E: It's no accident you found me here. The people who killed Vaughn - they own this place. There's an operation center in the back. I haven't gotten in yet, but judging the way that man over there is looking at us, you just blew my cover. You should go. Walk out, slowly. SYDNEY: What about you? REN E: I didn't spend three months getting in the place to just walk away. We can access their servers. That might give me a window into their operation. I'm going there. SYDNEY: I'm coming with you. Ren e pulls out a gun and covers it with a dish towel. The two walk into another room in the club and run into a man guarding a door. MAN: You know the rules. You're not supposed to be back here. REN E: You're gonna want to step aside now. MAN: Sexy. So I'm bein' threatened by a waif and a pregnant chick. REN E: (punches him, twisting his arm around his back and pinning him against the wall) Feeling sexy now? Sydney takes the man's hand and places it on the biometric scanner to open the door. REN E: Get up. Ren e positions the man in front of the door as the door is opening, shooting through him to kill a man inside the room. One person pushes an alarm button. Ren e shoots the other people in the room and accesses a computer. The screens read DATA DESTRUCTION IN PROGRESS and DELETING FILES. SYDNEY: The data's being destroyed. (types into the keyboard) I can't stop it. REN E: Me, neither. (shoots a man who enters the room) It's no use. We better go. They start to leave the room when Sydney spots a surveillance camera. SYDNEY: Wait. REN E: What is it? Sydney follows the wires to a computer hidden inside a cabinet. She yanks out the hard drive. SYDNEY: We got it. They exit the bar. SYDNEY: Doesn't look like it's been fried. The data should still be intact. REN E: Probably encrypted. (pulls off wig) SYDNEY: It won't be a problem. I don't know if Vaughn ever mentioned, but I work with a genius. He'll be able to crack the encryption. I'll upload it for you. Here, take this. It's a secure line. Dial 9. Wait for the tone, dial 8-1-6... REN E: You're not bringing this back to the CIA... SYDNEY: No, we're an off-the-books division. It's different. REN E: Not to me. I don't know them. SYDNEY: I do. You can trust them. REN E: Who says I trust you? SYDNEY: (sighs) Good point. REN E: What did Michael tell you about me? SYDNEY: Not that much. Just that... you've been working with him for years and you were the one who told him about Prophet Five. I understand why you're reluctant. I mean, you're Number 8 on the CIA's Most Wanted List. I get it. But you have to understand, these people killed my fianc , the father of my child. I'm gonna enlist every resource available to immobilize them. And if that means that this is the last time you and I see each other, that is fine by me. Just tell me how you wanna do it. REN E: Number 8... SYDNEY: Yes. REN E: I'm slipping. I used to be Number 6. (pauses) You're exactly like Michael said you were. Fine. Do it your way. Give me the phone. SYDNEY: You called him 'Michael.' REN E: Yeah. (turns and leaves) Don't worry. He was crazy about you. (Doctor's Office) DOCTOR: How've you been feeling? SYDNEY: Oh. Good. The morning sickness is gone, and my energy's back, so... DOCTOR: Right on schedule. That's normal for the second trimester. How was your trip? London, right? Do any shopping? SYDNEY: It was more of a business trip, actually. I had to meet with one of my fianc 's old friends. DOCTOR: What about exercise. Are you keeping active? SYDNEY: My job is still... pretty demanding. DOCTOR: That's great. Doctors used to tell women to stay off their feet. You're pregnant, you're not sick. As long as you feel comfortable, you just keep doing what you're doing. Let's take a look, shall we? Should I ask the nurse to bring in anyone from the waiting room? SYDNEY: No. I - I came alone. DOCTOR: You know, Sydney, I see a lot of new moms, and one thing I can tell you from experience, it's really important to be able to reach out, ask for help. SYDNEY: I've never really been good at that. DOCTOR: You should try. Okay, let's see how we're doing. And there we go. That's your baby. That's the head, the spine, and that pulse... SYDNEY: Look at its little heart. DOCTOR: Mm-hmm. You've got an active one there. Just like Mommy. Everything looks great. (takes printout of ultrasound and hands it to Sydney) And I'll see you in a few weeks. Sydney gets into the car and puts the key in the ignition. She sits back and picks up the ultrasound and looks at it again. She sighs. ALIAS INTRO: ADHD Edition (APO) JACK: This is the man that killed Vaughn. His name is Ivan Curtis. He ran operations for a corporate security firm out of Dublin, until three years ago -- when European aviation records say he died in a private plane crash. DIXON: Well, it's starting to fit a pattern - Gordon Dean was presumed dead two years ago, both of the men who we know were involved... JACK: From what we've learned, their operation has been in place thirty years without being detected. Whoever these people are, they must have access to high-level resources. I'm leaving tonight for Washington. Ahern has some names for me to consider. DIXON: Do you still think that's a good idea - bringing in a new agent now, someone we don't know? JACK: We're down a man, and I trust Ahern's recommendation without reservation. In the meantime, Curtis has been in London. Have Marshall run a facial profile so we can run him against their surveillance networks. WEISS: So Sydney said she got this footage from a contact. What do we know about this person? JACK: She didn't say. (Sydney's House) Sydney is working on her computer and notices something. She calls someone on the phone. (Cut to a cell phone ringing with rock music. Marshall is in bed and answers the phone.) MARSHALL: Yeah. Hello? SYDNEY: It's me. I've been going over the footage from London. I think I found something. MARSHALL: Mmm. I'd love to, baby, but I'm married. SYDNEY: Oh - Marshall. Wake up. Marshall. MARSHALL: I'm up, I'm up. Sorry. Uh... Syd? SYDNEY: I need you to pull up the surveillance footage from London. Marshall. Okay. Uh, gimme a sec. Marshall gets up, tripping over toys in the hallway on his way to his home office. MARSHALL: You been at this all night? SYDNEY: Are you looking at the footage? MARSHALL: Hold on. Gimme just a sec. (pulls up the video on his screen) MARSHALL: Okay. Now I'm in. What am I looking for? SYDNEY: Time index 12-40. Curtis is dialing a number. Can you enhance it? MARSHALL: See what I can do. (zooms in on the cell phone) That looks like a 4. (picks up a MagnaDoodle to take down the number) That looks like a 3... no, might be a 5. You know what? I'll run it against the Echelon call archive. I'll use the 5. (finds the number on his computer) Got the audio. Patching it through. Sydney and Marshall listen to a man and woman having a conversation in Dutch. SYDNEY: They're ordering takeout, Marshall. MARSHALL: Right. Sorry, must be the 3. Alright. Got audio. Patching it through. Man: Hello? Curtis: Any news on my package? Man: Not yet. I am still working on it. Curtis: I'm growing impatient. If this becoming a problem for you... Man: I haven't disappointed you yet, have I? Twenty-five more kilos. I'll have it for you. Curtis: Fine. I'll be there to pick it up. Don't let me down. MARSHALL: Looks like we got our guy. SYDNEY: Who was Curtis talking to? Can you run a trace? MARSHALL: Yeah, um - (turns to see Carrie comes into the room) Uh, actually, it's not just the server, Bob. You have to run a diagnostic on your entire network. SYDNEY: What? MARSHALL: Can you hold on one sec? (turns to Carrie) CARRIE: Who's Bob? I've never heard you mention Bob. MARSHALL: Bob? But you know Bob. He works in the corner, uh, he brings in the dark roast... coffee. Carrie looks dubious. MARSHALL: I'm not having an affair. CARRIE: I know you're not having an affair. I just don't want you to wake Mitchell. MARSHALL: Oh. Okay. CARRIE: Okay. (leaves) MARSHALL: You uh, you think she believed me, right? SYDNEY: Yeah, Marshall, I think you're okay. MARSHALL: I'll run a trace on that call. SYDNEY: O-kay. MARSHALL: (pulls up the number) It belongs to a Heinrich... Roemer. Where do I know that name from? (Prison) Sydney walks up to a cell. Sloane is working at a desk when he notices someone standing there. It's Sydney. He walks over to the bars and looks her over. SLOANE: You're beautiful. Sydney doesn't respond. SLOANE: Your father... he told me about Vaughn. You have my condolences. He was a good man. What you must be going through. SYDNEY: (shakes head slightly) One of the men responsible, Ivan Curtis - he's been in contact with an arms dealer, Heinrich Roemer. According to SD-6 files, you worked with him. SLOANE: Yes. He supplied arms to several SD cells. SYDNEY: Curtis is planning a meet with Roemer. We don't know when. We need to locate Roemer's base of operations, get inside, wire it with cameras. SLOANE: So you can monitor him and wait for Curtis to make contact. I understand. This is you first lead, isn't it, Sydney? Sydney doesn't admit it, but it is obvious. SLOANE: Look. I know how important this is to you, but revenge is ultimately a hollow pursuit, Sydney. SYDNEY: This isn't about revenge. They know who I am, they know where I work, and as long as they are out there, I am not safe. SLOANE: Okay. (Amsterdam) SLOANE: (voiceover) Roemer operates out of Amsterdam. Tactical entry is out of the question. Roemer is paranoid about security. You'll have to go in posing as buyers. There's a vending machine on Ballister, near Amstel. Enter the sequence 5-1-0-9-4. Shortly thereafter, you will be contacted. Then all you need are the proper bona fides. WEISS: (speaking Dutch into pay phone) 4-3-9 (?) Weiss opens a car door for Dixon, who steps out. They have arrived at Roemer's base of operations. SLOANE: (voiceover) Roemer's security system is capable of detecting bugs. Your best option is to piggy back off his closed-circuit feeds. Weiss and Dixon are patted down by a guard on their way in. DIXON: (African accent) Right jacket pocket. (The guard finds a gun in the pocket) Keep it. Small gift. GUARD: (takes gun) Follow me. Sydney monitors their entry. SYDNEY: (comms) Okay. I'm ready to hack into their surveillance system. You'll just need to direct an RF pulse from your wristwatch for each interior camera. Weiss and Dixon arrive in Roemer's office. ROEMER: Gentlemen. Welcome. Heinrich Roemer. DIXON: Jalin Khamisi. It's my pleasure. (takes off sunglasses and holds them up) WEISS: (pauses, then remembers his role) Oh. Sorry. (takes Dixon's gunglasses) DIXON: My business manager Isaac Malcolm. ROEMER: Have a seat. So. Who do I have to thank for your business? DIXON: A mutual friend, Jean Briault. We worked together in Montreal. He spoke highly of you. ROEMER: Jean Briault. I haven't heard that name in years. He was a good man. It is a pity what happened. Dixon is silent. Roemer shifts uncomfortably. ROEMER: Well, what can I do for you? Weiss hands him the order. ROEMER: "3,000 Kalashnikov rifles, 75-man portable shoulder-fired stinger missiles, M77 anti-personnel mines." What exactly would you do with a purchase this large? DIXON: I intend to secure some beachfront property. Roemer begins to laugh, but stops when met with stony silence from Dixon. ROEMER: An order this size - it won't be easy. I couldn't do it for less than, say, 5 million dollars. Dixon nods to Weiss. WEISS: Uh, Mr. Khamisi will forward an additional 20% if you can complete delivery by... Friday. Dixon: Oh, God. Oh! Weiss has squirted his pen on the sleeve of Dixon's jacket. WEISS: Ah. I'm so sorry, Mr. Khamisi. I'm sorry. (starts rubbing vigorously on Dixon's sleeve) DIXON: It's no matter. WEISS: No, it is, and it's my fault (continues rubbing) Dixon yanks his arm away from Weiss and turns to Roemer. DIXON: Do you have some place I can clean up? ROEMER: (speaks Dutch to guard, then to Dixon) He'll show you the way. DIXON: Thank you. Dixon looks icily at Weiss and leaves, activating the RF pulse with his wristwatch on the camera on his way out. Sydney monitors the closed circuit feed. SYD: (comms) Outrigger, Camera One is up. Connection is solid. Dixon pulses another camera in the hallway on the way to the bathroom. SYDNEY: (comms) Camera Two is online. Dixon goes into a restroom. DIXON: How are the video signals? SYDNEY: Good. (monitoring video) Outrigger, we've got company. It's Curtis. He's here. You gotta move now. DIXON. No. I know what you're thinking. Hold your position. Curtis walks in with two of his men and one of Roemer's guards. GUARD: Mr. Roemer wasn't expecting you until tonight. CURTIS: Plans change. I took an earlier flight. I assume that won't be a problem. GUARD: Of course not. I'll let him know you're here. (speaks Dutch to another of Roemer's men) (Back in Roemer's office) ROEMER: I take payment via wire. Currency is too easy to counterfeit. WEISS: Of course. One of Roemer's guards walks in. GUARD: Curtis. ROEMER: Yeah. (to Weiss) If you'll excuse me, just a small matter I need to attend to. Please make sure our guest is comfortable. Roemer leaves to meet with Curtis in a conference room. ROEMER: Mr. Curtis, good to see you. CURTIS: Where's my package? ROEMER: Well, your item just arrived today. (shows case) Twenty-five kilos of nuridium, as promised. Which leaves us just a matter of the payment. (hands PDA to Curtis) CURTIS: Sure thing. (enters information into PDA and hands it back to Roemer) ROEMER: Thank you. Curtis picks up the case and his men fire on Roemer and his guard. Hearing gunshots, the guard with Weiss reaches for his gun. Weiss struggles with the guard. SYDNEY: (comms) Weiss is in trouble. DIXON: I'm on it. Weiss is about to get skewered when Dixon comes up behind the guard and knocks him out. WEISS: (sighs) Thanks. DIXON: Come on. We gotta go. Sydney sees Curtis leaving with the nuridium. She goes after him. Curtis and one of his men approach an SUV to make their getaway. Curtis gets into the back seat. SYDNEY: (appears next to Curtis in the back seat and points a gun at him) Need a ride? Dixon twists the neck of Curtis' guard. Curtis considers the situation he is in. (A warehouse) Curtis is thrown down to the floor of a room. Dixon puts Curtis into a chair and straps his arms down. CURTIS: Augh! Would you take it easy? DIXON: Shut up. Sydney and Weiss walk into another room of the warehouse. WEISS: Hey, listen, Syd - Dixon and I can handle this.... SYD: No. I'm gonna talk to him. WEISS: (quietly) All right, fine. I'll be here if you need me. Sydney walks into the room where Roemer is being held. SYDNEY: (to Dixon) Can we have a minute? Dixon steps out and closes the door. SYDNEY: (stares at Curtis) Do you recognize me? CURTIS: (smirking) No. SYDNEY: Four months ago, you murdered a man - Michael Vaughn. Do you remember? I do. I was there. It'll be burned into memory for the rest of my life as the day my child lost its father -- so you can imagine what I'd like to do to you. Lucky for you, there's someone I want even more. Tell me where I can find Gordon Dean? CURTIS: Is this whole routine supposed to scare me? I - I do this for a living. SYDNEY: It's a funny thing about pregnancy - hormones. Whew. I woke up today... feeling pretty hormonal. I'm gonna give you another chance. Where's Gordon Dean? Curtis shakes his head and smirks. Sydney smacks him upside the head. [SCENE_BREAK] (APO) MARSHALL: (on phone with Dixon) Nuridium? That's some pretty nasty stuff, that's for sure. Uh, all right. Go ahead. Give me the lot number. DIXON: 6-6-4-R-T-4-5-6-9. MARSHALL: Yeah, NASA's been experimenting with nuridium as a long-term power source for deep space probes. Problem is, it's inherently unstable. It's most easily suited as a high-yield explosive. You know, I'm talkin' Megaton here. Some big bang, kinda crazy, bad ass stuff. Heh. Wait a minute. RT4569? DIXON: Yeah. MARSHALL: Are you sure? DIXON: Yes, Marshall. MARSHALL: Uh-oh. (Warehouse) CURTIS: You have no idea what you're getting involved in. SYDNEY: Why don't you enlighten me? CURTIS: You wanna know the truth? The truth is you're better off not knowing. DIXON: (opens door) We need to talk. Sydney follows Dixon into the other room. DIXON: Six canisters of nuridium disappeared from a Russian processing plant last month, from the same lot as the one we just recovered. WEISS: The phone call between Curtis and Roemer - they talked about the rest of the shipment. We think that Curtis already has the canisters. (sighs) Our options here are limited, Syd. But we think if we let them go, there's a really good chance that he'll lead us to the rest of the nuridium. SYDNEY: You want to let him go. DIXON: We'll make him believe he's escaped. SYDNEY: No. We can't risk losing him. DIXON: The risk will be minimal - SYDNEY: We just need more time to break him. DIXON: We don't have more time. With that much nuridium, we may be looking at Hiroshima times 50. SYDNEY: We're talking about releasing the man who killed Vaughn. Dixon, Weiss, and Sydney go back into the room where Curtis is being held. Dixon unties one of Curtis' arm restraints. DIXON: Water? (hands Curtis a bottle of water) CURTIS: Thank you. (drinks from bottle) DIXON: We know about the nuridium. CURTIS: I see. DIXON: Possession of nuridium is considered an act of terrorism, based on which we can lock you away indefinitely. No formal charges, no trial. But right now that does neither of us any good. Tell us where the rest of the nuridium is, what you intend to do with it, and we'll cut you a deal. CURTIS: Uh-huh. I want immunity. From everything - the nuridium and killing Michael Vaughn. You'd do it, wouldn't you? You'd have to. Mm, well, I'll save you the trouble. No deal. I'm not talking. (hands Dixon the bottle of water) Sorry, baby. Daddy just went snooping where he shouldn't have gone. Sydney angrily kicks him through the window, where he falls down to a body of water below. WEISS: Did he drink enough? DIXON: (checks the amount of water remaining in the bottle) Yeah. I'd say we've got about two hours before the tracking serum enters his bloodstream. WEISS: All right. I'll set up the scanner. (Washington, D.C.) Jack is seated at a table at an outdoor cafe, reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. AHERN: That stuff will poison you, you know. Jack sets his cup of coffee down. AHERN: Liberal rag. Jack drops his newspaper and looks annoyed. AHERN: Coffee's not too good for you either. Jack smiles. AHERN: I think I found your man. Outsider, like you asked - but fully documented. No family, no entanglements. Just off a four-year tour with Special Ops. (hands file to Jack) Jack looks it over, flips to the second page and notices something. He looks up at Ahern, concerned. AHERN: (nods) I know. I assume you can deal with that. Jack nods. AHERN: They say he also has a bit of a temper. (A bar) A man in a suit punches a guy, knocking him down. He then picks the guy up, pins him against the wall. He glares at the guy while catching his breath, as if he were about to say something. GUY: Seriously, something has to be done about your breath. SUIT: Oh yeah? How about this? The man in the suit strikes the guy across the face, sending him crashing into a table and onto the floor. SUIT: Jackass. The guy rolls over onto his back. Someone walks up and stands over him. It's Jack. JACK: Thomas Grace? GRACE: Who wants to know? JACK: Let's take a walk. (Warehouse) WEISS: Did you know that we have astronaut ice cream here? The Neapolitan is a little nasty, but apparently, it lasts for centuries. (sits down next to Sydney, who is working on the computer) Still nothing? SYDNEY: Nothing. WEISS: You know, how quickly the isotope is absorbed depends on this guy's metabolism. SYDNEY: It's been two-and-a-half hours. WEISS: It's gonna hit, Syd. Trust me. (pauses) All right. You know what? I can't wait with this any longer. I've been offered a promotion to coordinate the covert ops for the NSC. And I've known about it for about a week. I asked your father not to tell you 'cause I wanted to tell you myself, but there hasn't really been a great time - SYDNEY: Wait a minute. In D.C.? WEISS: Yeah. Steps away from the President. SYDNEY: Well, that's great. (nods) That's good news. (looks sad) I'm gonna miss you. But I - I'm really, really happy for you. WEISS: I can't do it. SYDNEY: Weiss... WEISS: No, I can't do it. Come on, Syd. Vaughn, Nadia... I mean, to leave now, it just doesn't seem right. SYDNEY: Wait, listen to what you're saying. Steps away from the President. WEISS: Oh, I know. SYDNEY: You can't say no to that. The computer beeps, initializing the signal from Curtis. WEISS: Okay, we got a signal on Curtis. DIXON: Where is he? SYDNEY: I can't tell. It's not pinpointing. DIXON: That's because he's not on the ground. (A bar) Rachel Gibson is out with some friends. BALD GUY: All right. During the Vernal Equinox, you can actually balance an egg on its end. RACHEL: No, you can't. It's a myth. BALD GUY: No, it's not. Listen, it has something to do with the Earth's axis and the alignment of the Sun. Trust me. I Googled it. Rachel's cell phone rings. RACHEL: Yeah, okay, just like water swirls the other way in toilets in Australia? BALD GUY: It does! RACHEL: (answers phone) Hello? (to her friends) Guys, I'm gonna take this. I'll be right back. (walks away from the table) Mr. Curtis, what can I do for you? CURTIS: Let Dean know we're on our way. We've got the device on board, but I'm going to need the analysts team to meet me at the airport. [CC: "meet us at the airfield."] RACHEL: Of course. CURTIS: We're 200 miles out. Right on schedule. (disconnects call) A shot of his plane is flying in the air. We see a box, presumably the device to which Curtis was referring. (Washington, D.C.) Jack is walking down the street, talking on his cell phone. JACK: At 1700 hours, Ivan Curtis boarded a private jet. Marshall pulled the cargo manifest from Schiphol. Curtis loaded several oversized containers onto the plane. DIXON: He's transporting the weapon. JACK: The flight plan indicates their final destination is PyongYang. The flight was granted diplomatic immunity. DIXON: Diplomatic immunity? How's that possible? JACK: We're still exploring that. WEISS: We can't just let these guys fly to North Korea. There's got to be something we can do. SYDNEY: Maybe there is. (B-2 in the Air) Dixon, Sydney, and Weiss are aboard a B-2 approaching Curtis' jet. The teams checks their gear. DIXON: We're just about there. (Washington, D.C.) JACK: (on phone) What's their current position? Do we have an ETA for rendezvous? MARSHALL: Okay, the docking point is two miles out. Final approach for hookup. JACK: Is there any indication they've been detected? MARSHALL: No, A.T.C.'s still blind. And, I was able to jam the airliner's traffic collision avoidance system. They don't know we're coming. JACK: Good. Keep me posted. I want to know the second that plane is secured. (Aboard the B-2) The B-2 positions itself directly below the jet. DIXON: Okay. The B-2 attaches to the jet. Weiss presses some buttons. WEISS: Docking tube's pressurized. Weiss opens the hatch. The team begins to climb the ladder to board the jet. A cell phone rings. JACK: (answers phone) Yes. MARSHALL: Rendezvous complete. They're on board. JACK: Good. Thank you. The B-2 disconnects from the jet. The team makes its way into the cargo hold of the jet. Weiss turns on the lights. Sydney spots the device and calls Marshall. MARSHALL: (answers phone) Flinkman. SYDNEY: Hey, it's me. MARSHALL: Oh yeah, I know. I gave you your own ringtone. So did you find the bomb? SYDNEY: I'm standing right in front of it. MARSHALL: Okay. Great. Well, what do you see? Tell me about it. SYDNEY: It's about 8 feet by 3 feet. (opens container) There's a hose running alongside it. Looks like it's feeding nuridium into the panel. MARSHALL: Okay, you need to access that panel. Can you get to it? Can you open it? SYDNEY: Let's see, just give me a sec. (starts to pry open panel) Meanwhile, Dixon and Weiss have gone to secure the cabin. DIXON: Three tangos. On my go. Three... two... one... Suddenly, a man comes out of the lavatory, right in front of Dixon. Dixon knocks the man out, but the man's cell phone falls into the aisle of the cabin. Weiss is considering his next move regarding the two men in the front of the cabin when the cell phone rings. The two men in front hear the ring and turn to see Weiss. They shoot at him. Curtis gets out of his seat. Sydney is working with Marshall (via phone) to dismantle the device. MARSHALL: Go, go, go. Oh, you know what? There should be a detonator attached to the regulator. Do you see that? SYDNEY: Okay. I don't see it. MARSHALL: Well, it has to be there. Because without a detonator, there's no detonation. That's how it works. SYDNEY: Fine. I'm just telling you, it's not here. MARSHALL: Well, Syd, it has to be there, okay? Because there is no bomb without a detonator. Sydney examines the device again and opens another panel, revealing a monitor. The device beeps. Sydney sees a body in the window of the container. SYDNEY: Marshall... I don't think it's a bomb. A gun cocks. CURTIS: I don't believe you have a boarding pass. SYDNEY: Go ahead. Shoot me. But if you do, there's a damn good chance my hand will slip, and I'll cut this connection. Whoever this guy is, he's obviously pretty important to you. It'd be a shame is something were to happen to him. CURTIS: Step away from the container. SYDNEY: I don't think so. Back in the cabin... WEISS: Dixon, cover me! Weiss pushes a food cart up the aisle and dodges bullets. He is able to get to the front of the plane and fight one of the men. Back in the cargo hold... CURTIS: You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into. SYDNEY: I'll ask you once, and if you don't answer me, I will cut this. Who is Dean working with? Who gave the order to kill Michael Vaughn? CURTIS: Even if I told you, you wouldn't believe me. SYDNEY: Humor me. Back in the cabin... Weiss continues to fight the man, who fires some shots into the cockpit, killing the pilot. The plane loses control momentarily, knocking Curtis down and helping Weiss overcome the man he is fighting with. WEISS: Going in the cockpit! Weiss grabs the pilot and drags him out of the cockpit. WEISS: I got him. Take him. Dixon takes the controls and restabilizes the plane. Back in the cargo hold.... After Curtis was knocked off balance, he dropped his gun. Sydney manages to grab it before he got to it. She points the gun at Curtis, who is sitting on the floor. CURTIS: What are you waiting for? SYDNEY: (pauses) Turn around. On your knees. I'm taking you in. CURTIS: Then... you might as well kill me. (gets up) I won't survive the night in custody. SYDNEY: If you're willing to cooperate, we can protect you. CURTIS: No. You have no idea. These people... SYDNEY: Who? Curtis reaches up and opens the door to the cargo hold. He gets sucked out of the jet. Sydney grabs on to avoid the same fate. APO A meeting with Jack, Sydney, Dixon, Weiss, and Marshall. JACK: Our initial assumptions were wrong. The nuridium wasn't being utilized as an explosive. We believe it was used to power a cryogenic chamber. WEISS: You mean, freezing people-cryogenics? MARSHALL: Sort of. Um. It's usually done with liquid nitrogen. But this is like, next-gen cryo-preservation. I mean, whoever this person is, or was, they probably died of a terminal illness, and they're using this container to preserve the corpse until a treatment is found. Of course, the notion that anyone can ever be revived - complete fiction. Believe me, I've tried. SYDNEY: Have we IDed the body? JACK: Not yet. The container is currently in DSR custody. They'll forward us the forensic analysis as soon as it's complete. An evidence team scoured the plane for anything that might be of value, but I'm not expecting anything to come of it. For now, we've done everything we can. We'll just have to wait for the reports. The team nods. Dixon, Weiss and Marshall leave the room. JACK: Sydney... (walks over and sits down in front of her) SYDNEY: (sighs) We lost our only lead on Gordon Dean... I'm not sure if I can do this, Dad. JACK: (concerned) We'll get another lead. SYDNEY: It's not that. It's everything, it's ... it's hard being without him. I saw the baby's heart beat for the very first time the other day. I was by myself. It's not fair. He should have been there. JACK: (sighs) I'm here. How can I help? SYDNEY: My next doctor's appointment's in a few weeks. Would you go with me? JACK: Sweetheart, of course I will. Sydney, you're gonna be okay. SYDNEY: Yeah. (nods) Yeah. Thomas Grace walks into APO. Someone takes him to an empty desk. Grace puts his stuff down. Weiss sees Grace at this desk and comes over to introduce himself. WEISS: Hey, how you doing? Eric Weiss. GRACE: Tom Grace. WEISS: Hey, Tom. Uh, listen. This desk isn't exactly an ideal location for you... it's right under the air conditioning vent and there's actually a wobble in the desk. (shakes desk around). You know. GRACE: Yeah, I get it. The guy I'm replacing - he sat here. WEISS: You can have mine. That's... (points to his desk) I'm not gonna need it anymore. And you know, actually, I suppose you're replacing me as well. Look, these are really good people here. GRACE: Yeah. (walks over to his new desk) Sydney walks up and hugs Weiss. WEISS: Hey! SYDNEY: I'll see you soon enough. I mean, God knows I have enough frequent flier miles. WEISS: You're lying -- but I appreciate that. I was just thinking about how humid it is in D.C. I mean, and I am a sweater. I mean, you know that. DIXON: (walks up) I just got off the phone with the DSR. There was a breach at their holding facility. Two agents injured, that's all I know. We better notify Jack. SYDNEY: Yeah. (looks at Weiss, concerned) WEISS: Yeah, go. Go. Dixon nods to Weiss and leaves. Sydney smiles at Weiss and goes to join Dixon. Weiss is left alone in the middle of APO. (Ren e's Hideout) A cell phone rings. REN E: (answers) Hello? SYDNEY: Hey. REN E: Got your message. Have you identified the body? SYDNEY: That's why I'm calling. The body was stolen. It was being held by a scientific research division, and their facility was hit. Once I get the incident report, I'll forward you the details. REN E: I'll dig around. I'll see what I can find out. Ren e walks past a container - the same one that was on the jet. As the monitor begins to beep at a constant rate, the hand of the body inside the container moves.

Ivan Curtis, the man who assisted in killing Vaughn is tracked and captured by Sydney, Dixon, and Weiss in Amsterdam. Curtis has stolen a tube of nuridium, which Marshall believes will be used to create a bomb that could have an effect like "Hiroshima times 50." It is apparent that to locate the bomb, they would have to release Curtis and track him to it so that they can capture the bomb for APO. This is accomplished by lacing a bottle of water with a liquid tracker that Curtis drinks just prior to antagonizing Sydney to the point of kicking Curtis out of the window into a body of a water; Curtis survives, and is later tracked to a large passenger plane, where Sydney, Dixon, and Weiss intercept and secretly board. On board, Sydney finds the "bomb", but is surprised to find out that it isn't a bomb at all, and is actually a case holding a person inside of it. Later, during a confrontation between Curtis and Sydney, Curtis opens a hatch in the plane and gets sucked out to avoid being taken in and in fear of what his employers may do. Back at APO headquarters, Marshall reveals that the nuridium was being used to freeze a human cryogenically. Before identifying the person, the test site is hit and the cryogenic freezer stolen. During the mission, Weiss informs Sydney that he was offered a promotion in Washington, D.C. working for the DSR (Department of Special Research), but is unsure if he wants to leave given the timing. Concurrently, Jack searches for a replacement for Vaughn and finds a man by the name of Thomas Grace.

fd_The_Brokenwood_Mysteries_05x01

fd_The_Brokenwood_Mysteries_05x01_0

["Ghost of This Town" plays] I'm the ghost of this town I'm the ghost of this town I say things I don't mean to people I don't know I'm the ghost of this town [Grunts] Nice day for it. Roxy not with you? Down south at a kickboxing tournament. Might go check out the giant pumpkins. Yeah, they're, uh, worth a look. [Crowd chanting "Simon! Simon!"] [Grunts] Yeah! [Crowd cheering] Strongest man in the world! I am Simon! Yeah! BOY: Whoo-hoo! [Laughs] Jesus. [Growls] I warned you. Stop messing around. What? Giving people what they want? This is a family show. Pull your socks up, girl. I'm a fairy. Don't wear socks. All I know is it's not working at the moment. Of course it's working! A small technical issue. It will be sorted uno momento. - Who the hell are you? - Frodo. Well, where's Johnny? He was supposed to meet me here. He just asked me to hold the fort while he sorted out the emergency safety fuse. Hey, it's nothing. It's bloody safe the way it is, all right? Don't shoot the messenger, dude. I'm just doing my cousin a favor. - Listen, Flippo - Frodo. I'm gonna take a ride through to deem it safe. When I'm out the other side, start taking the tickets. You're eating one of my hot dogs. - You made this? - Yeah, I call it a Frododog. 11 secret herbs and spices. You should call it a Fidodog. Tastes like dog roll. Ladies and gentlemen, things will soon be under way after a small, infinitesimal glitch! Be prepared. Get ready to be scared to death! [Laughs] [Evil laughter] Pull the bloody lever! [Cellphone ringing] [Scary music plays] Yeah, what do you want? She's not in there. Ah, well, c'est la vie. Don't look so relieved. I can't pretend to be a believer. Well, it's just meant to be a bit of fun. - Might've learned something. - Like what? I don't know. The future. DIANE: Not likely. She was in the middle of reading my tarot, lost the plot, and left. - Bad news? - DIANE: Bad business. Hope I get a refund. [Gasping] - Ewan. - [Ringing] WOMAN: Hello? Are you there? [Brakes screech] Ghost. WOMAN: What service to do you require? Police, fire, or ambulance? Hello? Apparently his last word was "ghost. " I'm not sure if that's profound or just telling it like it is. All the classic signs of a cardiac arrest. It must've been one scary ride. I guess so. Uh, sorry, D. S. S. Mike Shepherd. - D. C. Breen. - Off duty. Aren't we all? Dr. Jackie Lee. Probably an underlying condition, although men of a certain age do enter the danger zone. God, I thought you were getting butterflies. She did it. DR. LEE: Angry fairies, heart attacks. It's all fun and games at the A&P this year. Nice meeting you, and good luck with your day off. As a matter of interest, the deceased was the owner of the amusement rides. Harold Wilbury. The Wilbury Brothers. They travel the country bringing joy to the provinces. A family business for three generations. You do realize you're not actually working, right? I was curious. BREEN: Good thing you're not a cat. You should, uh, get on with your day. SIMS: Sure. BREEN: Chess, A&P shows. I'll be giving a best-man speech next. I didn't know you were mates with Kahu. I'm not, really, but knowing Kristin, I thought - So, bridesmaid, then. - MARTY: It's okay, Simon. Simon, it'll be okay. - Argh! - Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! - Whoa! - Octopus! Whoa! Steady, brother! Hey, hey, hey. Deep breaths. - Deep breaths. - SANDRA: Sorry. Simon's Harold's brother. He's a He's a little bit on the simple side. He's just trying to comprehend what's happened. Difficult to understand at the best of times. I'm really strong. I can crush things with my bare hands. - Come on. - Good to know. Okay. That's enough Simon. That's enough. Come on. Let's get you a hot drink. MARTY: Let's go and get a hot drink. BREEN: I remember taking this ride as a kid. It's not that scary. [Keyboard clacking, telephone ringing in distance] [Knock on door] Mike. Sorry to disturb. For you, Mike, it is never a bad time. Harold Wilbury. The man from the Ghost Train? I'm waiting to hear from the coroner to see if he wants me to get stuck in. You didn't notice anything unusual? No. He was stripped, and I put him in the fridge. Routine, then? I think so. - Can I ask you a question? - Of course. If you were dying, what do you think your last words would be? [Speaking Russian] I would like to Facebook my mum and dad to tell them I love them. You can't always rely on the phones. Can you do me a favor? - You were at the A&P show? - SHEPHERD: Never miss it. Sun, food, rural displays, country music. What's not to like? In Russia, we have similar days, but it's all bears and yaks and Kalashnikovs. Uh, Dr. Lee indicated all the hallmarks of severe myocardial infarction. Do you see that? Can you KADINSKY: Traces of blood. SHEPHERD: What do you think, mosquito? Snake? Perhaps a vampire. Except vampires aren't real. Neither are ghosts, but he was on a train made for ghosts. SHEPHERD: And New Zealand is snake-free. Only an autopsy will explain them. I'll call the coroner. [Engine shuts off] A&P shows. Never a dull moment. You wanna come in for a quickie? - Speed chess? - Yeah. And there was that game of tennis you promised. Did I promise that? A promise is in the ear of the beholder. Isn't that what they say? No, that's not one I've ever heard. Until now. Okay. Sounds good. [Cellphone ringing] Sorry. Your husband calling. Hold that thought. Not the one about Mike being my husband. That's all kinds of weird. Mike. Yeah. Um, okay. Ah, okay. Yep. Got it. [Cellphone beeps] Okay, so KAHU: Another time, perhaps? Occupational hazard. [Sighs] - Vampires? - Snakes? Obviously neither. So the marks on his neck are connected how? By being unexplained. Gina is continuing a detailed examination. It wasn't a heart attack, then? Oh, it was. Postmortem confirmed that. SIMS: So what are we thinking happened? SHEPHERD: Well, if I knew that, I wouldn't have called you. He's got his hunch on. I feel like by the end, death by vampire is gonna be the easy option. Come on, fella. I can't just stop. - We're on a schedule. - It's a precaution. SANDRA: Can I help? This cop wants me to stop. Sorry, why? We need to firm up the exact cause of Mr. Wilbury's death for the coroner. Well, we have to get our equipment off-site before the council start charging extra. Where is my brother? Oh. At the mortuary. Oh. Then we'll collect him and be on our way. Uh, we'll need to clear that with the coroner. My brother had a heart attack. We want him here so we can show our respects. SHEPHERD: And I assure you that will happen as soon as possible. - MARTY: But not today? - SHEPHERD: Not today. Why the interest in the Ghost Train? Because it's where he died. That's it? Are you saying it's a crime scene? Not necessarily. SANDRA: So I don't understand. But it could be? It's a sudden death, so we need to look at everything, including exactly where he died. That's all. Sounds like a crime scene. You can appreciate it's been a hell of a day. There's There's a lot of sadness in the team. I'm sure. - You have a warrant? - No. See, that says a lot right there. Look, I would like to do this with your cooperation, - if that's okay. - Yeah, and why would I do that? Because if something untoward happened to your brother, wouldn't you want to know? Well, of course. Then perhaps we should take a look. Yeah, just, look, leave the Ghost Train there. Right. Best we set up camp, then. [Sniffs] Argh! Simon. Simon, come on. Move, move. [Cow moos] JOHNNY: People get in the carriage. I pull the lever. They go through the doors, get some scares, come out here buzzing. Good times, man. The most popular ride in the Wilbury empire. How long does it take? JOHNNY: A minute. You can get a lot of scares into a minute. It's value for money. No question. I remember riding it first time as a kid. Changed my life. I was 5 years old, and I knew that when I grew up, I wanted to be the guy that pulled the lever. But you weren't pulling the lever when Mr. Wilbury went through. Nah. Had to let Harold know it was inoperable due to a missing fuse on the emergency brake. So I got my cousin to hold the fort. You're Frankie Oades' cousin? Frodo. Wouldn't that mean Frodo needed an operator's license? He was meant to hold the fort, not fire the bloody thing up. The ride worked even with a burned-out fuse? Independent circuit. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of an emergency brake? Why? It's only for emergencies. And besides, it wasn't burned out. It was missing. You're saying it was removed? Or maybe it just fell out. In my experience, fuses don't just fall out. - You're a detective, right? - BREEN: Yeah. - So not an electrician, then. - Uh, uh [Clears throat] Track Frodo down. So you and Harold had separated? Yeah, not that long ago. Six months. Look, I knew how to run the business, and Harold charged around telling everyone what to do. It worked, so when we split, that was personal, not business, so I was always going to stick around. This is what I know. You say personal? We grew apart. It happens. Still, it must've been awkward. SANDRA: No. Not really. Harold and I lived the same life, just in separate caravans. Um, having been married, you'd be aware of any underlying heart issues? He'd had a medical recently. He was given the all-clear. A medical for life-insurance purposes? No, a bank loan, to expand things. So as far as you know, he didn't have any life insurance? Do we look like the sort of people that could stretch to that kind of thing? Sorry. Uh, Sims, time to take the tour. Thanks. The Mothership. People track down here and then around there. - That's the Ghost Snake. - [Snake hissing] We call him Fang. [Chuckles] And that's the Ghost Bride. We call her Bonnie. The veil lifts, and there's the skeleton. Kind of funny but also freaky as. With dry ice and spooky music, people get a real kick. Works every time. Watch this. [Laughs evilly] Yep. This way. - [Lid creaks] - I want to suck your blood! Cool, huh? That's the Ghost Vampire. We call him the Count. [Evil moaning] That's Bob. SHEPHERD: The Ghost Ghost? You got it. That's a lot of ghosts. Well, it's called the Ghost Train. A train full of ghosts. And this all takes a minute. 12 scares, one every five seconds. Is there any access other than the entrance and exit? Never use it unless the saloon doors get jammed or something. I presume it's not locked. JOHNNY: Well, nah. It's for emergencies. You don't want to be fumbling for your keys when you're in a hurry, right? Wouldn't be safe. Engine trouble. Not just that. Generator running the fridge has stopped. Gonna lose all my sausages if I don't get it started. I thought you were a mechanic. Apprentice, before it all turned to crap. Listen, I need a statement. You were operating the Ghost Train when Harold Wilbury Oh, come on, man, I only pulled the lever and only 'cause that Harold dude told me to. Still gonna need a statement. So when you get back on the road, swing by the station, okay? Fine. Want me to call a towie? Nah, too expensive. Hey, could you hold something for me? A man goes on a ride and exits after 60 seconds, dying moments later from a severe coronary attack. His last word being [Door closes] Plus, he had two unexplained marks on his neck. There's not a lot to go on. Yet. He could've just had a heart attack. No, there's more to this. Oh, let me guess. You've discovered oil in the hills of Brokenwood and are now a millionaire. No. I found Frodo. - Okay, I'm gonna give it heaps. - Yeah. Just put your thumb over that pipe. - Press hard. - Wait. Which pipe? 'Cause there's sev Several. Where are we headed with this? I mean, we've got no motive, no suspects, no witnesses, not even a specific cause of death. When John Lennon was shot, do you know what his last words were? "I've been shot. " So he chose to state the obvious. Perhaps, but in that moment, he left no doubt. "I've been shot. " Imagine you're dying, right? You've got one breath left. What would your last words be? Okay, well, this is weird, but I would probably want someone to tell Roxy, you know, I love her. Well, that's not weird. That's sweet. BREEN: Right. What about you? Who would you be talking about? Oh. Oh, look, uh Hey, uh, come on. I spilled. I take Mike's point. Harold Wilbury died saying, "Ghost. " Was he trying to send a message? Exactly, but was it "Ghost," full stop, or "Ghost" Was he wanting to say more? I mean, what did he mean? The Ghost Snake, the Ghost Vampire, the bride? There There's even a Ghost Ghost. Look, as Johnny said, "It's a train full of ghosts. " Regardless, that man had ridden that contraption a hundred times. He owned it. Nothing was going to give him a fright other than something completely unexpected. Reason enough to dig further. [Indistinct talking] Usual, thanks, Rodriguez. Mrs. Marlowe. MRS. MARLOWE: Jean, please. Sad news about Harold Wilbury. Indeed. Any sense of foul play? My understanding is it was a heart attack. Oh. Routine. I knew his mother, Olwyn. We were at nursing school together in the '60s. The family were from here? Oh, Tahuna Point but travelers now. Oh, she was a true matriarch. Ran that business with an iron fist. Dead now, sadly. I'm sorry to hear that. Old age, they say, but as I say, there's no such thing as old age, just aging attitude. Was it a heart condition, do you know? Uh, kidney failure in the end. Now it'll be hard for Marty, being the youngest and having to step up. There's Simon, of course, who's a lovely boy but dumb as a post. Double-shot soy macchiato with cow's milk foam and turmeric. MRS. MARLOWE: That's me. [Chuckles] Cheers, Detective. Long black. Ta. Right. Why don't we start with I had nothing to do with that dude carking it. Yeah, we're just after witness accounts so we can piece together events. Thought he died of a heart attack. He did. So what else is there to know? How about you just tell me what you saw? I didn't see nothing. I was just selling Frododogs. One Frododog with 11 secret herbs and spices. - Thanks. - Enjoy. Cuz, I need your help. - I'm busy here. - Hey, you've got help. I don't. - But - Now, cuz! Don't ask, do. Hold the fort, yeah? Your cousin Johnny seemed very insistent. FRODO: Yeah, he had to find his boss. Something about a bung fuse. That's when Johnny's boss turned up, rude as. I call it a Frododog. 11 secret herbs and spices. You should call it a Fidodog. Tastes like dog roll. Pull the bloody lever! [Cellphone ringing] [Scary music plays] Yeah, what do you want? I only pulled the lever like he told me to. Any idea who he was talking to on the phone? FRODO: No. I'm not an eavesdropper. When he came out, was he still on the phone? [Evil laughter] [Gasping] [Brakes screech] Nah, nah, don't reckon. When he first got to the Ghost Train, was Johnny with him? No. He came later. Christ. Get out of my way. Get down to the Ghost Train. Harold's carked it. Oh, um, just one more thing. Did you sell Harold the Frododog? No. Kimberly must've. Hey, um, what happened to the ice cream business? Oh, freezer blew up. Turns out if you can't keep the ice cream cold, it's, like, really hard to put in the cones, so, yeah. Frodo says that Wilbury was taking a call on his phone just as he entered the Ghost Train. There was no phone on his personal effects. We need to locate that. - I'll look into that. - SIMS: And he'd just finished half a Frododog. What if his heart attack was triggered by some fast-acting botulism or A toxin of some kind. KADINSKY: You think maybe he was poisoned? - Yes. - You are right. Well And also very wrong. No botulism could act that quickly. There would be obvious swelling or inflammation around the affected organs. I detected nothing of this kind. All toxins show up somehow. So it wasn't poisoning? Except KCl. Potassium chloride. Isn't that what they use in lethal injections? The very same. Potassium chloride kills by causing sudden hyperkalemia, resulting in the stopping of the heart. In other words, it creates a heart attack. Correct, and the curious thing is, when a person has a heart attack, the body naturally releases unusual high levels of KCl. So any added level is disguised by the body's natural response. An overdose is naturally masked. You are keeping up well. SHEPHERD: When used for the death penalty, it's injected. Can it be consumed in any other way? Typically it is taken orally. - Pills? - Yes. Oh, but for KCl to kill through ingestion, it would take so many pills. Was the KCl level any higher than if Wilbury just had a naturally occurring heart attack? Maybe. Maybe? So you have no evidence. KADINSKY: Maybe I would have had no evidence if I hadn't stayed up all night combing Mr. Wilbury's body with a fine-tooth brush. Comb. - KADINSKY: What? - Nothing. And? Here. Between the "A" and the "D," I found a puncture mark notable by the red blood cells in the tissue. It marked a hole directly into a large vein. - From an injection. - KADINSKY: Almost certainly. Such holes usually heal over quickly, unless the victim dies shortly after. So the healing stopped as soon as he died. The healing never began at all. [Beep] Gina, how long does potassium chloride take to work? Once it hits the bloodstream, it can take effect within a minute. The exact length of the Ghost Train ride. But if KCl typically leaves no trace, how do we know that was the cause? We don't, until toxicology rules out everything else, but we do have the injection mark administered close to the time of death. If this was the contributing factor, this wasn't a spontaneous killing. The offender had to have planned this days, if not weeks, in advance. SIMS: And as far as any initial motive goes, Harold never had life insurance, so depending on the beneficiaries of his will, that is unlikely to be a driver. SHEPHERD: We need to find out more [Knocks] about Harold Wilbury. MARTY: He was taken too soon. But if there's any consolation, he died doing what he loved most on the ride that he loved the most. The Ghost Train. He loved that thing. Grew up with it, operated it, taught others, saw thousands get their thrills. Anyhow, here's to our boss and my beloved big brother. Harold. - Harold. - Harold. SHEPHERD: Sorry to disturb, but we have a few questions when it's convenient. We're trying to farewell a friend here. You mean boss. Either way, I reckon it can wait till morning. Well, the sooner we clear up a few things, the sooner you can We're all doing fine. Uh, we're all tired, but we we had to build a camp. I was just leaving anyway. You coming or not? Not. Suit yourself. [Slurps] [Can clinks] MARTY: He's sad. Harold had a lot of time for Johnny. [Sighs] I need to lie down. Magdalena gets really tired from channeling messages from the other side. Octopus! [Can crushes] SANDRA: Deep breaths, Simon. Come on, Simon. Let's go for a walk, eh? Good lad, come on. Come on, mate. I take it he likes octopi. They're his favorite animal. Highly intelligent, unlike him. Shall we? So, Hine, would I be right in thinking Daisy Rose is with Johnny? Totally. In fact, they're engaged. Oh. Nice. Nah, it's a joke. Johnny loves the idea of monogamy. It's just he can't help sharing that love around. Right. Would I be right in thinking you're with that redhead guy? [Chuckles] No. - Not your type? - SIMS: No. And he's spoken for. And actually, I'm happy asking the questions, if you don't mind. - Sorry. - SIMS: It's okay. So no one, then? No. Um, actually, um there is a guy who is a friend, Kahu. We play chess. HINE: In the nude? - SIMS: What? - Why else would you play chess? Uh, can I ask what happened to your arm? I had a couple of beers after packing out the last town. Fell off a ladder. Broke a couple fingers. Right. Um, can you think back on your movements around the time Harold took the Ghost Train ride? Can you just give me a sec? We're trying to locate Harold's phone. A witness has him talking on it as he entered the Ghost Train, but it wasn't on his person. Oh, you didn't find it glued to his ear? - BREEN: Sorry? - He was always on it. - Wheeling and dealing. - Right. SANDRA: Yeah, no. I haven't seen it. I'll ask the others, unless one of the public took it. Do you know his log-in? Maybe we could locate it with Find My Phone. Harold wasn't that tech-savvy. Have you tried ringing it? No. His number? I'll write it down for you. Sorry. [Sniffles] Uh, we can do this some other time. No. Sorry. I was, uh SIMS: You've just lost your boss. It's a difficult time. How do you know it wasn't a heart attack? It was. Then why all the questions? SIMS: Uh, there are some unexplained things. Two marks on his neck. You didn't see anything? Uh, I was in my booth, the Rifle Range. So I didn't see anything. I just heard about it over the RT. Right. Well, um, if you do remember any details - [Ringing] - It's ringing. - [Beep] - And it's gone to answerphone. They're trying to find Harold's phone. - Did you see it? - When? SANDRA: Well, apparently it was on him when he went into the Ghost Train. Have you asked Johnny? I'll keep trying. I gave Simon a pill. He's already out like a light. Must be a big pill. It's prescription medication. Correct dosage. He suffers anxiety. Thanks. Hello? MAGDALENA: I'm resting. I thought I'd made that quite clear. Uh, apologies. I didn't know you were in here. Well, if you asked me, you would. You people. DAISY ROSE: She gets really grumpy. She says channeling dead people is really tiring, but it's just part of her schtick. Don't take it personally. I'll try not to. Life on the road wears you down. SHEPHERD: I'm sure it does. Gotta get out before you end up falling down in a ditch and getting left behind. Is that what you were planning? You get tired of it. That's all. I imagine you're a close-knit team. You'd have each other's backs. Like you wouldn't believe. When did you last see Harold? It was just before he died. I'm a fairy. Don't wear socks. No more occulty stuff. What are you gonna do? What did he mean, "occulty stuff"? I don't always paint butterflies. Right, the skull and crossbones. DAISY ROSE: Butterflies are what parents think kids want, not what they really want. SHEPHERD: And that is? Danger. Harold used to get really upset. But I knew how to handle Harold. By threatening to resign? Don't want to end up in a ditch. [Slurps] Did Harold seem out of sorts in any way? No grumpier than usual. Thanks. His death wasn't an accident, right? What makes you say that? Otherwise, why all the questions? I don't believe it was, no. Then maybe he got what he deserved. Are you saying someone wanted him dead? Not someone, everyone. I'm a vampire again I'm comin' for you Open up your window 'Cause I'm about to sail in You can call for Mama But she won't know what to do I'm a vampire again Ooh Thanks for coming in. Did I have a choice? SIMS: You chose to turn up. Look, Daisy Rose, your statement last night gave us a I didn't mean it. Probably had one too many beers. Oh, what did you mean by, "Everyone wanted him dead"? I was exaggerating. Everyone, as in all of us. He was a hard-ass. Whenever he got grumpy, which was, like, all of the time, any one of us might say, "I'd like to kill him. " That's all I meant. When you saw Harold, was there anything unusual in his demeanor? Was he complaining of feeling sick, nauseous, or faint? No. He was too busy eating some disgusting hot dog thing. As a matter of interest, where were you going at the time? Nowhere. I was on a break, looking for Johnny. You find him? No. SIMS: Would you say that Harold was a good boss? Yeah. He obviously paid you well. Oh, that's a nice bike. A Triumph, isn't it? It was a bonus. For loyalty. 15 years' service to the empire. So, yeah, no, no complaints. SIMS: Mm, okay, that is a good boss. Did you hear that? Noted. But he was tough? Nothing I couldn't handle. Where were you just prior to Harold entering the Ghost Train? Why? A witness has said that Harold expected you to meet him there. Who? Bloody Frodo. So why didn't you meet him there? I was finding a fuse. HAROLD: Bloody great. Attendance is down this year. Why didn't you use your RT? I could have brought you down a spare fuse. Yeah, good luck finding one in this mess. Hey, watch your mouth. Battery's flat. I thought you fixed that loose fuse. Yeah, I did. HAROLD: Not that well, obviously. And don't think buying me this is gonna sweet-talk me, 'cause it's bloody foul. I suppose there's a queue for bloody Africa. Well, as long as they don't know it's about a safety issue Oh, Jesus! Hey. Keep me in the loop. - Hurry up! - Yeah, hurry up! SHEPHERD: Then where did you go? I found the fuse. And I got back in time to see that he had carked it. Christ. Get out of my way. Apparently Harold was using his phone at the time. Did you come across it? Nah. You didn't see it? Mate, he was dead. He wasn't making any calls. [Door opens] Sandra, can you come through? SIMON: When is my turn? Soon. - I'm strong. - So you said. I could pick you up and hold you over my head. - Want to see? - Hey! No, whoa. No need. No need. We're good here. I believe you. Sorry about that. Shouldn't be too much longer. SHARON: Yes, Harold rubbed people up the wrong way sometimes, but don't all bosses do that? In what way? He hated tardiness, anything that contravened what he deemed as family entertainment, sloppy attitudes. Bad face painting? Case in point. If people killed their bosses every time they had a go at them, there wouldn't be many left in the world. I'll remember that. I was barely out of school when I first went to an A&P show and saw Harold. He was operating the Ghost Train. That was back when his mum ran the business. Me and Harold fell in love. Simple story. Except recently you split? SHARON: Amicably. If it was that bad, I wouldn't have hung around. Harold had a tattoo, um, Sandra Dee. Obviously that was you. Oh, God. That old thing? No, that was his first love before we met. Another Sandra? Olivia Newton-John from "Grease. " Ah. SANDRA: Well, he thought her character was called that. It's, in fact, Sandy Olsson, but, you know, there's that line, "Look at me. I'm Sandra Dee. " I'm more of a country-music fan myself. Well, you can't change a tattoo, so when I came along, I guess Harold thought, "Oh, well, it's close enough. " W-We can leave it there for now. Um, you'll be wanting to talk to Simon? We will. He will need me or Marty to be there with him. He has a mental age of 6. I can honestly say I didn't see anything. I was at my stall giving a demonstration. Demonstrating? Marty's Miracle Cures. Cures for what, exactly? MARTY: Skin, hair, follicles, fissures. Itches, burns, warts, worms. Tremendous healing properties. Healing properties like the world has never seen before. May I have another volunteer? That's when Sandra came and told me. Um, excuse me, please. I'll miss him so. He was my big brother. Such a big heart, mind, soul. Hope. Hope like you've never seen hope. Hope for what, exactly? Hope for the Wilbury Brothers, to keep the legacy alive. When our mother finally let go, it passed to Harold, being the oldest, and he saw the opportunity to make it great again. Natural-born leader. So there was a legacy that the business passed to the next oldest? Indeed. That would be Simon? MARTY: Well, no. He's not mentally fit enough, obviously. So it goes to you. MARTY: Some are born to lead. Others have greatness thrust upon them. That will be my cross to bear. I told you, I was in my stall, the Rifle Range, when I got the news. About time. No prize, no point in playing, right? Four shots, four hits, walk away a winner. [Gun cocks, static hisses] JOHNNY: Get down to the Ghost Train. Harold's carked it. You didn't seem very surprised to hear the news of Harold. Well, he was totally old. He was like 50. Dudes like him have heart attacks. SIMS: But, um, leading up to that point, you weren't actually in your booth. I was getting pandas. We're always running out of pandas. - You're joking. - Either that or a pink flamingo. [Indistinct talking, laughter] Simon, do you remember where you were when your brother Harold passed away? I was being strong. I'm very strong. So you said. I punched him once. - SANDRA: Simon. - Who, Harold? - Right on the nose. - Okay, all right. I, uh I don't need a demonstration. Hon, you can't do that. It bleeded all over the place. Sorry. He gets overexcited. SIMON: How many legs does an octopus have? - Simon. - How many? How many? How many? Um, eight. So [Laughing] Wrong! He got it wrong! - I think you'll find it's eight. - SIMON: None! They don't have legs, they have arms! You're so dumb! [Laughs] Simon. Simon, why did you punch Harold? Because he's my brother. That's what brothers do. Okay, so at the time Harold entered the Ghost Train, Marty was selling his wares to the crowd, Simon was wowing people with his act. He's strong, by the way, in case you hadn't been told. Sandra and Johnny were in the office sourcing a new fuse. Uh, Hine was in her booth, though she had been sourcing more prizes from a storage locker here. Daisy Rose had just finished talking to Harold, - and the enigmatic Magdalena - [Cellphone ringing, buzzing] has agreed to finish her statement but only in her tent. Gina. KADINSKY: Toxicology has ruled out any unusual toxins except very high levels of potassium chloride. Do you still believe it's a marker for something introduced? KADINSKY: Are you asking my opinion? Yes. I think his death was far from routine. Okay. Thanks. Now I need your opinion. Okay. KADINSKY: What is your most favorite song? Uh Oh, "Please Help Me, I'm Falling (In Love With You). " - I will remember that, Mike. - SHEPHERD: What? No, no. That That's the title. Gin Do you need a moment or No, uh, toxicology reports only high levels of potassium chloride. So we are on the right track? Seems so. Any luck with the victim's phone? Specialist Search Group came up empty on the Ghost Train and surrounding area. Uh, likewise for any intravenous equipment. I've been calling on the hour. Also, no hospitals in centers the Wilburys have passed through in the last 12 months report any missing ampules of KCl. - [Ringing] - It's ringing. I wish my phone had that sort of battery life. - [Beep] - And answerphone. And we still have nothing to explain the marks on Wilbury's neck. SHEPHERD: It'll come. Or are we just drawing too long a bow? No, because all we have to do is find our source for the KCl, the vessel in which it was administered, whoever is recharging Harold's phone, their motive and opportunity. Then we'll have our offender. So, basically everything. Yep. If only it was as simple as vampires. Nothing. [Clears throat] NEIL: Potassium chloride? Prescription only but low dose. Nothing that would do you any harm? No, you'd have to swallow an awful lot of it, and you'd throw it up before it caused any real grief. Anything high dose is held at the hospital. Okay. Thanks. Is, uh, this related to the Wilbury death? I'd rather not say. Well, there is something you might want to consider. Martin Wilbury was a pharmacist. - Marty? - [Chuckles] I saw him at the A&P show. Cures ringworm, warts, wrinkles, rashes, and in - Sorry, what's your name again? - Nicky. Nicky! In Nicky's case, the scourge of acne. As you can see, it's only been on for what, two minutes? Take a cleaning wipe and simply There you go! How's that? Would you like to see? You found it a dubious claim? If it was truly that effective, I wouldn't be able to restock my shelves fast enough, and Marty Wilbury would be a multimillionaire, not hawking his wares in the nearest park. Smoke and mirrors? Let's just say Marty was always working the angles. You said he was a pharmacist? Martin was struck off for malpractice. For what, exactly? Misappropriation of medications. It's the real thing. Tea leaves from Tibet steeped in blue quartz water. It has properties that opens the chakras, cleanses the mind, creating a channel of truth. Okay. Well, um, tastes good, anyhow. You're a skeptic. No, I keep an open mind. Then we both have that in common. Now, you weren't actually in this tent when Mr. Wilbury died. You seem sure of that. By chance, I happened to be at your tent at the time. Why? Well, I was hoping for a tarot reading. So you're not a skeptic. It was just for a bit of fun. And, uh, I spoke with a previous client outside who said you'd left rather abruptly. Yes, I needed some air. This work can be quite overwhelming, even if it is just for a bit of fun. The fact that I wasn't in the tent at the time of Harold's death is merely a coincidence. So where were you, then? I went to the office. To? Look for Harold. - SIMS: But he wasn't there. - No. Did you go anywhere near the Ghost Train? Absolutely not. You sound very definite. I deal with real ghosts. Spirits, in my experience, should not be trifled with. So, where were you when you heard the news about Harold? In the office. It came over the squawker. The squawker being the RT? MAGDALENA: Yes. Only then did I go to the Ghost Train, to see if I could be of some assistance. Alas, I was not. Well, um, thank you for the tea. [Slurps] - [Clears throat] - Oh. SIMS: What? Sorry, is there I see a man, a dark, handsome man, moving across black and white squares, something like he's waiting to move or for a move. I'm sorry. That doesn't make any sense to me. My apologies. Harold's death has shaken me. Sure, um, well, uh, thanks again. MARTY: Thank you, uh, Nicky, was it? Nicky. Another satisfied customer, folks. Feel free to come and peruse these healing properties like the world has never seen before. Cash, EFTPOS, credit cards. Detective. Are you curious about Marty's Miracle Hairline Restorer? Should I be? There's nothing like future-proofing. When you have a moment. MARTY: Another good day at the office. On a day like today, I'm sure it beats being stuck in a pharmacy. Indeed. Counting pills or being outside traveling this beautiful country. Meeting new people and helping them improve their skin like they've Never been helped before? Quite. It was a no-brainer. You were also struck off. A regrettable misunderstanding. I could've fought it in court, but I wanted out anyway. What exactly did you do? Our mother suffered from a long, debilitating illness with so much unnecessary pain, pain like the world has never seen. I simply took a little of this and a little of that and helped to relieve the suffering over the years. When it's on hand, it's hard to resist. All chemists do it. You know that for a fact? It's more of a suspicion. Wouldn't you, for a loved one? I merely did the wrong thing for the right reasons and paid the price. But I am happier now. If you'll excuse me. The volunteer you just cured, uh, Nicky? Yes. Uh, wasn't she the woman you encountered at the A&P show? Yes. I believe she was. So your miracle cure is only temporary? [Scoffs] On the contrary. She was so pleased with the results, she came back. I treated the other side of her face. Far from being temporary, it is more complete. Sims. SIMS: Oh, hello. Can I help? I read about the Wilbury death. There's something you perhaps should know. When I entered the tent, Madame Magdalena was acting weirdly. Oh. Well, what do want to know? Have you lost something? [Chuckles] Only my mind. [Chuckles] It was all downhill from there, really. Not quite the Zen-like spirit guide I was hoping for. Then she freaked out and left. Uh, can you remember when that was? Only a few minutes before you arrived. Then things went crazy, and the boss lady came running over. I hoped it was to offer a refund. - She's not there. - Oh. I'd like to know when she'll be back or if I could get a refund. Uh, sorry. There's been an incident. I'll have to get back to you. She never did. But I thought you, being police, could help. I'll see what I can do. Uh, can you remember what exactly freaked Madame Magdalena out? Absolutely. She saw the Devil on a Chariot. BREEN: Boss. - Do you mean her? - Yeah, that's her. Nicky Stone, daughter of the deceased from the Golf Club case. With remarkably blemish-free skin. Uh, track her down, will you? Okay, I have a statement from a witness which puts Magdalena right back in the frame. What's she done? Made a prophesy. She was talking about my husband, Harry. MAGDALENA: There is a man. Harry. A husband. Um, I don't have a husband. I've never been married, let alone to anyone called Harry. Then she got really intense. - Are you calling me a liar? - No, I just thought Did I say he was your husband? Well, you are reading my cards. Shh! Harry, Harry, Harry. b*st*rd! You must go. - But - No, I must leave. You must leave. Go now! It's a matter of life or death. Magdalena predicted Harold's death? Maybe. If you believe in that stuff. Which you don't. Well You do? Aren't we paid to keep an open mind? Magdalena said she went to the office just before Harold was killed. But the Ghost Train is en route. So rather than predict his death, the other possibility is She played some part in it. SIMS: According to a witness, when you left your tent just prior to Harold's death, you were agitated and talking about a "Harry. " That can't be just a coincidence. I did have a vision. I went to warn Harold. Where exactly did you go? I told you. I went to the office, but he wasn't there. By the time I got to the Ghost Train, it was too late. SIMON: Get out the way. I'm strong! Christ. Get out of my way. MARTY: Harold! You didn't try to help? There was nothing I could do. Psychically I was spent. I needed a lie-down. SIMS: Did you see Johnny in the office? You said you went to the office. Apparently Johnny was in the office at the same time. Was he? He was looking for a fuse. Well, he must've found it, then. If you had a vision that Harold was in danger in the Ghost Train, why didn't you go directly there? Tell me something, when I read your tea leaves, the black and white squares, did that mean anything to you? No. No, it didn't. Well, there you go, then. My gift is not an exact science. Maybe it's just a bit of fun after all. - Hi. - Kimberly, hi. I have this as the last-known address of Nicky Stone. Yeah. She's my flatmate. Why? I need to have a chat with her. She's at work. Right. So is this Frodo's house? No. Um, I just let him park his van here sometimes. Like the times when it's not working, which is, like, most of the times. You were working in the van at the A&P show, right? Yeah. Do you remember selling a Frododog to this guy before the commotion? No. You're sure about that? To be honest, it was pretty quiet. Frododogs are kinda chewy. I did sell one to his cousin, not that he paid. - Johnny Oades? - Yeah. Real creepy, trying to hit on me, and I was like, "Eww. " Uh, so where does Nicky work? You have been on at me for three days. I am getting really sick of this. Then why don't you just go and do it? JOHNNY: No, because I don't I don't know these people. You are being a cruel and vindictive person. Just back off, Magda! Geez! MAGDALENA: This is what he would've wanted. Give me a break. Do it or I will tell her everything. Hi. Everything okay here? JOHNNY: Yeah, fine. This is some bonus. Triumph. That's what it says. Daisy! Did you find the fuse? What? When Harold was leaving his portacom office, you were looking for a fuse. Yeah. I found one. So you must've raced straight back to the Ghost Train to get the thing up and running. Yeah. You didn't go anywhere else in between finding the fuse and getting back to the Ghost Train? What is this? Daisy! It's a simple question. When I got back, Harold was dead. What more can I tell you? All right, keep your mankey hair on. Places to be. [Engine starts] I wan to make this place more like the Frog and Cheetah. You see, the thing about karaoke is it's very aspirational. Testing. Testing. - That sound all right? - Mm. It allows people to transport themselves into stardom. Well, for three minutes, at least. Ray, I was asking about Nicky Stone. Uh, yeah, she's in the garden bar. I've had to hire a few new faces now that Trudy's a guest of Her Majesty. Thanks, Ray. Tomorrow night. Make sure you guys come along. "My Sharona" is always a good one. Or "Don't Cry for Me Argentina. " Mike will be a starter for sure. Uh, Nicky Stone? Nicky! Uh, Detectives Mike Shepherd and Sam Breen. Yeah, I remember. SHEPHERD: Life treating you well? What do you think? We have a few questions about your relationship with Marty Wilbury. I don't have a relationship. You volunteered for him at least twice, probably more, would that be right? Perhaps as an audience plant? Look, I don't want any trouble. FRODO: I can't believe you did that! You're unbelievable, man! Take it easy, cuz. How dare you hit on my girlfriend! Frodo, I am not your girlfriend. A cousin doesn't mow another cousin's lawn! KIMBERLY: And I'm sure as hell not your lawn! - It's a metaphor. - JOHNNY: I said cool it! It wasn't like that. - It was! - It was? - No way. - KIMBERLY: Totally. Uncool, bro. So uncool! - I was not flirting. - You said you'd changed. - And I have. - I knew it. I knew you were up to your dirty old tricks. - [Thud] - [People gasping] JOHNNY: Geez! Now look what you've done! KIMBERLY: Oh, my God, Frodo! I didn't do it. You made me do it! What the hell's going on here? BREEN: I think it's safe to say no charges need to be laid. True, nobody was smashing bottles or anything. Only his face. Yeah, sorry about that. It's okay. Happens all the time. You two know each other? Eh? Nah, I don't. - NICKY: No. - JOHNNY: Nah. Oh, except the A&P show. You run the Ghost Train, right? Yeah, that's me. Uh, Daisy Rose, we should shoot. Come on. Come to Johnny. DAISY ROSE: How many times? I love you. You know that, right? He pays me. Marty? Yeah, I smear this mixture of stuff on my face. He puts the cream on. It comes straight off. It's kinda naff, but it works. I thought you didn't want any trouble. Well, he does it in every town. Marty says it was okay. That's highly debatable. Things have been kind of tough since Mum died. An extra 50 bucks makes a difference. And you don't know Johnny Oades? All we really know is Harold went inside the Ghost Train. 60 seconds later, he came out dead. BREEN: Given the ferocity of potassium chloride, it had to have been administered inside. Otherwise, given the length of his conversation with Frodo, he would have been dead before entering. And apart from that, we still lack any clear motive. Okay, Johnny and Sandra are in the office. Uh, Marty was at his stall. BREEN: Simon is at his side stage. Hine was in the Rifle Range. And Magdalena was moving between her tent and the office. Daisy Rose was seen talking to Harold here. So if they're all to be believed, none of them could've been inside the Ghost Train. Or someone wasn't where they said they were. SIMS: Okay. [Clears throat] What if What if we could see inside the Ghost Train? - They don't have CCTV. - SIMS: No. [SCENE_BREAK] As a confirmed skeptic, I can't believe I'm saying this, but what if Magdalena had the ability to channel what happened to Harold? Are you suggesting a s ance? She read my tea leaves and knew things she couldn't have known. BREEN: Uh, you've been scammed. - How? - I don't know. But I'm pretty sure tea leaves only serve one true purpose. All right, well, maybe I have, but if if Magdelena did actually have some ability to see what actually happened, wouldn't we be remiss not to at least try the avenue? I mean, what have we got to lose? Nothing but our credibility. This conversation never happened. Uh, thank you for agreeing to do this. I know when I'm being ridiculed! I assure you it's not that. It's Sorted. Oh, um [Clears throat] Can we talk? You know, alone. I need some advice about Daisy Rose. It's personal. I'll step outside. Sweet. Magdalena will be with you shortly. So you like bikes? - Uh, not really. - The Trumpet is awesome. Sure it is. Six-speed, grunt, torque, 76 brake horsepower. And room for two. Already noted. Well, if you ever want to, like, you know, check it out, let me know. We can begin. Yes. There you are. What? What do you see? I can see him. I can see him coming. - [Gasping] - [Door creaks] [Gasping] He's scared. He can sense something's coming. [Gasping] [Screaming] Fang! Please, I can't do any more. Fang? It's what I saw. But there was no trace of venom in his system. Perhaps you're being too literal. Perhaps it was Harold who was the snake. Meaning? I'm spent. - No, but - No more! Leave. Okay, I'm prepared to admit it might have been a waste of time. SHEPHERD: And in her vision, she didn't mention anything about Harold being on the phone? No. Which proves she's a sham. We know for a fact he was on the phone. Or she deliberately omitted that detail. Yet she knew about the marks on his neck. I mean, that's a bit impressive. Sham. Regarding the phone? Wilbury's cell provider has it still located within the Brokenwood business district, but short of doing a door-to-door search [Rings, click] SIMON: Harold? Uh, what? No. This is not Harold. This is Harold's phone? No. BREEN: Yes. Is that Simon? Um Simon, where are you right now? [Game beeping] Hi, Simon. - Hello. - Is that Harold's phone? No. BREEN: Are you sure about that? Mine now. He used to let me play games on it because I was never allowed one. He doesn't need it anymore because he's dead. What game are you playing? - "Shark Attack. " - [Chuckles] You really like sea creatures, huh? How many legs does a squid have? Okay, um I got this. - 10 arms. - Wrong. Eight arms and two specialized tentacles for catching and holding its prey. Yeah, wow. Yeah, you got me again. That's okay. You're quite stupid. Not your fault. How did you end up with Harold's phone? It felled out of his pocket, and I picked it up. Put him down here. There you go. I'm strong. DR. LEE: I'm a doctor. - Give me some air here. - Thank you. - What's his name? - Harold. Harold? Harold? Harold? Three, four, five, six. You know, I'd really like to quickly check something on his phone. - You want to steal it. I know. - No, no, no, no. I just want to borrow it. Finders keepers, losers weepers. I'm really, really strong. Yeah. [Game beeping] Hey, Simon. Have you ever been for a ride in a real-life police car? [Siren wailing] SIMON: I'm Simon! I'm strong! Strongest man in the universe! [Laughing] Yeah! Go faster! Go faster! All right, we're going pretty fast. The last call Harold received was from Sandra. It lasted 11 seconds. Then, 32 seconds later, he dialed emergency services. Meanwhile, you're holding a mentally disabled person. No, no, no. It's okay. Because I've called Sandra in as his support person, and so we can ask her about the call. Two birds with one stone. See? Always thinking. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Hey. Whoa, whoa. All right, Simon. Wow. Look at you. Why don't you, um Why don't you put the table down, eh? Simon, we need you to put the table down. - Please. - I punched him on the nose. Yeah. Harold? SIMON: Lots of blood. Yeah, so you said. 'Cause he touched Hine again. And Hine's not his wife. And that's not right. No, that's not right. Magdalena said so. If you ever touch my daughter again, I swear I will tear you to pieces! Go and wait in the truck. He shouldn't have been put through that ordeal. - No wonder he's got upset. - We were prepared to wait. He volunteered the information. It appears the call Harold received just as he entered the Ghost Train was from you. - Or at least your phone. - Oh. Right. Yeah. It probably was me. It was about? Pandas. Hine was after another box of pandas. She was short again. I couldn't find them. Did Harold seem distressed at all? SANDRA: No. Well, no more than usual. He was wound up 'cause of the delay on the Ghost Train, - and he hung up. - Oh. And a witness has you arriving at Magdalena's tent just moments after Harold's body was discovered. - She's not there. - Oh. I'd like to know when she'll be back or if I could get a refund. Sorry. There's been an incident. I'll have to get back to you. Was that after you sorted the pandas for Hine? Yep. You came to tell Magdalena about Harold? Yes. Well, why didn't you use the RT? Magdalena doesn't use them. She believes that the radio waves interfere with her gift. Oh. Thanks again. HINE: [Sighs] You had it worse. It's called maintenance. Can't make it too easy. Oh, you want a go? Not right now. Uh, Hine, we have a witness who suggests that Harold Wilbury might have behaved inappropriately with you. Who the hell said that? - SIMS: His brother Simon. - [Scoffs, chuckles] Simple Simon? What would he know? He seemed pretty sure about it. And sure that your mother knew about it. He's gone. What does it matter? It matters because if you were abused, you should be supported. These things are best talked through with professionals. Look, Harold was a creep, but I learned to live with it. You shouldn't have to live with it. HINE: [Sighs] - I'm not gonna be one of them. - One of who? Those broken girls. The women that talk about it and then get told they're liars. Things have changed. I promise. I didn't kill him. SIMS: I'm not saying that you did. Well, you're not saying I didn't. Can you talk to me about this? HINE: [Sighs] Yes, I did say that. That you would "tear him to pieces"? In the heat of the moment. Yes. Do you know if he did? If Harold did abuse Hine again? No. I think he got the message. But you knew about what had been going on? Yes. And you didn't tell anyone? - Who? - Marty? - Sandra perhaps. - [Scoffs] Martin Wilbury has cloth ears. He revered his brother. "See no evil, hear no evil. " As for Sandra, she spoke to Harold several times. They fought about it. But as an ex-wife, what can you do? Come to the police. And have my daughter made out to be a victim? Have lawyers make a fool out of her in court? I dealt to it directly. SHEPHERD: By threatening to kill him? It seemed to work. Why didn't you leave the Wilbury Brothers? Because this is all we have. That train wreck is my family. We work together, we fight together, we laugh, and we play together. It's like a strange kind of marriage. But you wouldn't understand. Hm. Where exactly were you when Harold died? I told Detective Sims that I went to warn Harold. I was in the office! I understood Johnny was in the office, yet you say he wasn't. How is that important? SHEPHERD: If one of you wasn't there, then maybe one of you was somewhere else. The Ghost Train, perhaps. He wasn't. SHEPHERD: So, where was he then? You want to rethink where you were when Harold rode the Ghost Train? Like I said. Found the fuse. Went back. He comes out, dead. What's the connection between you and Johnny Oades? Okay, when you saw him at the A&P show, where exactly did you see him? So you found the fuse, and you went - straight to the Ghost Train? - I reckon so, yeah. - Reckon so or know so? - Look, what is this? Well, if you did that, you would have got to the Ghost Train before Harold. Except I didn't, 'cause when I got there, he was dead. I already said that. Harold stopped off along the way to talk to someone. Enough time maybe for you to hide yourself away inside the Ghost Train. - Whoa. Nah. No way. - Then where were you? By the portaloos. Long time, no see, sweet pea. Look, it's nothing serious. We just hooked up last year when they came through. How did you know Johnny would be at the portaloos? I hope Johnny doesn't see you here. He never stopped talking about you after last year. Really? He's still with that fairy, you know. Thanks. That's all for now. What? I'm free to go? Mm. Okay, Johnny, time to come clean. Dude, I am clean. Nicky Stone sees it differently. I told you. I barely know the chick. - She says otherwise. - Well, maybe she's lying. SHEPHERD: We have a witness that corroborates her story. Johnny was by the portaloo with that local slapper. - And who is that? - It was the one Marty was using as a plant. Look, it was just a little kiss. No harm done. It's not worth mentioning, right? How did you know she'd be waiting by the portaloos? Found the sucker! Oh, that little minx. I told her to stay away. Eh? Aww. How about that? - Uh, Johnny - [Chuckles] HINE: Hine to base. I need more pandas. I did hook up with this girl the other day. - You b*st*rd! - It was just a little kiss. - Like, really small. - Making me an idiot! Again! I knew you couldn't change. - She was a friend. That's all. - Forget it, Johnny. - We are so over! - Ow! Angry fairies. The old wand to the neck. - Vicious. - Take it easy, would ya?! I'm bleeding here. Jesus! Daisy Rose, can we talk? - He deserved it! - Yeah, I'm sure he did. Um It's this way. - [Door closes] - Sims. Um, yeah, could we have a word first? The abuse has been going on for years. He was always gropy and stuff. But then, one one morning, I woke up. Holy How did you get in here?! Get out! I must have come in the wrong door. Jesus, get out! You sick b*st*rd! - Get out! Get! - Okay, calm down! - When was this? - [Sniffles] Just before his mum died. And it wasn't just me. He was an octopus to all the girls. The octopus. Okay. Let's take this easy, then. When Harold stopped you and told you to stop with the occulty stuff, did you hit him in the same way you just hit Johnny? So what if I did? It would clear something up for us. He was being a pig. I'm warning you Do as you're told, girly. So you're gonna fire me? Me and Johnny are leaving after the show. - We're done. - Johnny won't leave. DAISY ROSE: Yes, he will. But that bike's still in my name. And when he knows all about our special times Aah! Geez! You'll keep. What a pig. The "special times" Harold mentioned. You were the victim of abuse. [Scoffs] Do I look like a victim? Can you tell us when it started? Anything you say is in complete confidence. [Sighs] I rode the Ghost Train when I was 16. I got the hots for Johnny, and the idea of working and touring sounded really cool. But when I approached Harold for a job Would you like to talk to Detective Sims alone? No. No, I'm okay. He agreed, but only if I let him touch me. It seemed like a stupid thing at the time, and I was like, "Whatever, you creep. " And I really wanted the job. [Voice breaking] But he kept on. And promising to tell Johnny that I'd come onto him. I never did that. He did it. Did you talk to anyone about this? Sandra. She kept telling me it wouldn't happen again. But I'd had enough. And Johnny did promise to leave with me. [Sighs] Fat chance now, though. With what happened to both you and Hine, and with Sandra and Magdalena knowing about it, why do you think it didn't stop? Magdalena threatened him all the time. But Magdalena needed Harold. In what way? How did she need Harold? Hello? Magdalena? [Suspenseful music plays] What the hell do you think you're doing? How long have you been using? Using what? I know the rules. Unless you've got a warrant, you've got nothing. That is true. Then I suggest we both agree this never happened. There's nothing there but a needle and syringe. Nothing illegal in that. Perhaps I'm a diabetic. Johnny? Do it or I will tell her everything. "Her" being Daisy Rose, I presume. About his fling with Nicky Stone. This conversation is finished. Why did you think Harold had been bitten by a snake? Oh, these things come to me. By way of Hine. How do you know it wasn't a heart attack? There are some unexplained things. Two marks on his neck. She told you about the marks on his neck, didn't she? And Kahu. [Chuckles] That's how you knew to mention "dark and handsome" and the black and white squares. Let's just say that I'm right about some things. It might be wise for you to take heed. MRS. MARLOWE: Ah, Detective Shepherd! I trust you'll be making an appearance tonight? - For? - There's some jolly good tunes. SHEPHERD: [Chuckles] We'll see. Tell me, you said you were at nursing school - with Olwyn Wilbury. - Yes. But between you and me, she was a terrible nurse. - A bit rough. - In what way? MRS. MARLOWE: Oh, when it came to taking bloods, she'd wrench out the I. V. lines, telling the patient not to be a sook. Raised her boys in the same way. As a matter of interest, is much skill required to hit a vein? Well, off the record, it does take skill, but, sometimes, just dumb luck. Why? You're not developing a habit, are you? Not high on my priority list. Well, I'm so glad. Too many good people lost chasing the dragon. When was the last time you saw Olwyn? Oh, we kept in touch through Facebook and Snapchat. That's how I knew to pay my respects. I took a road trip to Tahuna Point. Knock, knock! It's only me. Ohh! Aren't you looking bonny! Bouncing back, I see. Given the circumstances, a little white lie goes a long way. You said it was kidney failure that took her? Oh, hypokalemia got her in the end. They just couldn't get it up. "It" being? Oh, potassium levels. Chronically low. Oh! "Light My Fire. " [Chuckles] I'll get Ray to put me down for that one. Thanks. Enjoy your ale. What are you looking at? Thank you. Enjoy. Marty, do you recall what medications your mother was on as part of her palliative care? Uh, morphine, saline. Her sodium levels were critically low. And SIMON: I feel sad. Can I have some medicine to make me feel better? You don't want that stuff. KCl. Too much will kill you. Potassium chloride? But we were fighting a losing battle. We just did what we could do to keep her comfortable. You didn't want to use a hospital? My mother was a stubborn type. She didn't like hospitals. She believed they were an opportunity for people to knock you off. So, in the room, there was just you and this nurse called? Uh, don't know. Ex-nurse. Friend of a friend. Simon, Harold, and Sandra. And Magdalena. How long's she got? What's your prediction? For God's sake, Harold. This is real life, not some sideshow stunt. Thanks for your time. How long have you been supplying Magdalena? Don't know what you're talking about. I think you do. Can we talk? You know, alone. SIMS: You turn up. She goes from agitated to nodding off. It's not rocket science. I found her works in her tent. And I'm sure your fingerprints will be nicely recorded on this. It wasn't me. Harold was the one who kept her high. She was the star attraction. He made her dependent on him. But you were the delivery boy? Is that why Harold gave you the bike? Reward for doing his bidding? JOHNNY: [Sighs] [Suspenseful music plays] [Watch ticking] [Watch beeps, ticking stops] [Woman cackles] We know Harold controlled his victims by wielding power over their loved ones. Both Hine and Daisy Rose were victims of ongoing harassment and assault. They'd both reached the end of their tether. SHEPHERD: Meanwhile, Johnny planned to leave with Daisy Rose. Was it a case of exact revenge and escape town? We have a fortune teller who's also an intravenous drug user. She certainly had the expertise in finding a vein. A discredited pharmacist with a clear knowledge of the lethal chemical compound and a clear opportunity to access KCl. And Sandra an ex-wife who insists on defending her ex-husband, even in light of his recidivist behavior. And Simon? Well, we know he's strong. Okay. I think we've got this. Uh, we have a motive and probable cause, but we still don't have a witness or any actual evidence. I'll settle for a confession. [Sighs] He's got that Hunch thing happening. Yeah. SHEPHERD: We've established that the person who killed Harold Wilbury is amongst this group. I find that hard to believe. SHEPHERD: Your brother was killed by an overdose of potassium chloride, or KCl, administered intravenously. MARTY: [Laughs] Come on! I don't even know what that is. - Medicine! - This is ridiculous. SANDRA: You better have evidence before you start casting these aspersions. Magdalena, you conveniently left your tent in the minutes before Harold died. You had time to enter the Ghost Train through the access hatch. As a drug user, you also had the equipment necessary to administer the lethal dose. I went to the office to warn Harold. SHEPHERD: Yes and no. You were there, but not to warn him. Rather, to berate him for taking your kit. You thought he was punishing you for your threats, withholding your fix. That much, I admit. Which means you didn't have the syringe. I can understand your desire to revenge the terrible things that Harold did. You know about your mother's habit, where she hides her kit. And moments prior to Harold being found dead, you were not at your station. - No way. I was getting pandas. - No. If she was provoked, then I'm responsible. I've been a terrible mum. I did it. But you didn't. One thing that is true Hine left to get more pandas. As verified by a witness. I won it at the A&P show. Magdalena, you were in the office. We know this because it's the only vantage point where you could see It was nothing more than a kiss. Marty was selling his snake oil. Excuse me?! Simon was flipping a car. Neither had time to cross the crowds and climb into position. The only person who had the actual opportunity to secret themselves in the Ghost Train was Yeah? What do you want? SHEPHERD: The call to Harold was to place the offender somewhere else. Otherwise, why call if you were close by? And only someone with an intimate knowledge of Harold's tattoo would know where to aim that needle on the move. [Woman cackles] Aah! Hey! Hey! Base! Harold to base! But it was, of course, flat. [Gasping] OPERATOR: Hello? Are you there? What service do you require? He tried. [Breathing heavily] - [Brakes screech] - Ghost "Bride. " It's what he wanted to say. After all, you were once his bride, and one of the few people who had access to ampules of KCl while keeping vigil over your mother-in-law. Here. Why don't you take it outside? Give your mum some quiet. But it's your movements afterwards that are the most telling. Returning to Magda's tent - She's not there. - Oh. wasn't to tell her of Harold's demise, but to return her kit knowing that, if by some remote possibility Harold's death was looked into, focus would turn to Magdalena. Sorry. There's been an incident. I'll have to get back to you. SHEPHERD: Otherwise, why would you enter the tent if you knew she wasn't there? Taking the fuse from the Ghost Train meant that Johnny would come looking for Harold. Especially since you set him up with a dodgy RT. Battery's flat. SHEPHERD: Which you then switched and made sure - Harold left with it. - SANDRA: Hey. Keep me in the loop. - Hurry up! - HAROLD: Yes, hurry up! So that when he went to the Ghost Train, he would have no quick access to communication. Having set the honey trap in the form of Nicky Stone, you knew that Johnny would be delayed in getting back and that Harold's impatience would send him through to you where you would be lying in wait. No more Harold. I just could not take it anymore. I had warned him over and over. Sometimes you feel like you haven't done enough. And then you think of a way. And I just wanted him gone. A heart attack on a busy day. No one would ask questions. No one would think twice. Except when an angry fairy struck back. Aah! Geez! You'll keep. BREEN: Sandra Wilbury, I'm arresting you for the murder of Harold Wilbury. - Take away your hands off her! - Hey, hey, hey! Easy, Simon. I'm strong! I say no! She's nice. - Simon. - Want a punch? Not this time, Simon. It's okay. [Handcuffs clicking] Well, at least Harold won't be doing it again. You knew about Harold's behavior. He was my brother. My big brother. Yeah. And what'd you do about it? You're not parking? Uh, I'm gonna skip it. I'm psychically spent. - You did a great job. - Thanks. I still feel like I need a shower. Take it easy, Sims. What do you want? Single malt. Splash of water. Hey. Kristin not with you? She headed home. - Call her. - Sweet. Kahu. Hey, Chontelle. RAY: Okay, good times. Well, first up tonight, we have Dr. Gina Kadinsky with "Please Help Me, I'm Falling (In Love with You. )" [Cheers and applause] I'd like to dedicate this to Mike Shepherd. A man who is far from routine. [Intro plays, cheers and applause] Could you make that a double? [Off-key] Please help me, I'm fallin' In love with you Close the door to temptation Don't let me walk through [Up-tempo music plays]

It's the annual Brokenwood A&P show, time for that special kind of Kiwi carnival! Amidst the shearing displays, the 'Calf Day' competition and wood chopping, is the usual assortment of fun rides and fairground attractions. The sun is shining on happy family entertainment and ever popular this year is the shonky old Ghost Train. But when the surly A&P boss Harold Wilbury takes the minute-long ride as a safety check he gets the fright of his life. Shunted in his carriage through the final curtain, Harold greets daylight wide-eyed and dead. He is quite literally gone in 60 seconds. When a man dies of fright surely there is no question of murder - it's just a case of bad luck. Then again how scary was the Ghost Train ride really? <br />Curiously, Madame Magdalena in the Fortune Teller's tent predicted the tragedy. Was that coincidence or a way of adding credence to her credibility? The Ghost Train operator, Johnny Oades, swears it's nothing to do with him, but there is a question over falsified health and safety checks. And why is Daisy Rose the fairy princess so unhappy?

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[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Jackson: We take Hope and the pack, and we leave town tonight. Elijah: There's a jazz club in Algiers. Josephine is fortifying it as a sanctuary against magic. Pack your things. Klaus: So while my hands are full, I need you to serve as my eyes and ears. Aiden: I can't just stab him in the back. Josh: (worriedly) I don't know if you have a choice. Jackson: (sighs) He should be here by now. Something must have happened. Marcel: Everything OK? Hayley: Are we going to Algiers or what? Marcel: Right now, that club is the safest place in town. Dahlia: You lost the one thing that you could have used against me, the weapon you created. Freya: No! Freya: (furious) This was not my plan! You rushed it and made but a single weapon! Klaus: Your materials are easily found. Freya: Unh! Ohh! Klaus: Viking ash is indeed rare... but all you really need is a burning viking corpse. Dahlia: I must use you to send a message to all those who would side against me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Elijah and Klaus are having breakfast in the dining room, where Klaus is drinking orange juice and champagne and looking pleased with himself. Elijah, however, does not seem amused) Klaus: Is something the matter, brother? Can I fix you a drink, perhaps? (He sips his own drink with a smirk, and Elijah just rolls his eyes in annoyance) Elijah: Strangely enough, Klaus, I'm not in a mimosa mood. Klaus: Fantastic! More for me. Elijah: Let's discuss strategy, shall we, Niklaus? Just wondering if you actually have one. We can begin with Mikael's ashes. Given that they are the main ingredient in our weapon against Dahlia, would you care to tell me where they disappeared to? (Klaus sets down his drink, looking annoyed and put-out) Klaus: (smiles fakely) Elijah! I have compelled the city's finest pastry chef for your own personal edification, and yet, you ignore my efforts in favor of needless concerns! (Rebekah enters the room, looking tired) Rebekah: Can we stop talking so loudly? (She sees the pot of coffee and sighs in relief) Give me that. (Rebekah walks over to pour herself a glass) Klaus: (amused) What's the matter? New witch body not up to last night's bender? Rebekah: (rolls her eyes) So? I had a few. (She sits down at the opposite end of the table from Klaus) It's not every day you lose your father at the hands of your brother. Again. Klaus: (laughs heartily) Whoever said opportunity only knocks once, eh? (Elijah and Rebekah stare at him blankly and silently, and Klaus scoffs) Oh, come on! We all fled Mikael's tyranny together for centuries! I would have thought the mood this morning might be a bit more jubilant! Elijah: Under normal circumstances, the annihilation of our father would be rather commendable, Niklaus. Unfortunately, we have a greater threat to contend with. (Klaus hops to his feet to pour himself another drink) Klaus: You know, for someone who's been invited to a celebratory breakfast, you're proving quite the buzzkill. Elijah: (sighs deeply) Well, Niklaus, if anything indeed has killed the... (He makes air-quotes with his fingers) .. "buzz," as you say, perhaps it was because murdering Father alienated the one person who truly knows how to defeat Dahlia! Klaus: If Freya wants to be part of this family, she should be willing to accept us, warts and all! Rebekah: Elijah's right. Freya loved Mikael, and you've likely ruined everything. Klaus: (rolls his eyes petulantly) Pity. Whatever shall I do? Elijah: (aggravated) Whatever you please, apparently! Klaus: (slams his hand angrily against the table) Do not mistake my high spirits for lack of clarity! I know full well the threat we face. And, I intend to deal with it... personally. (Elijah gives him an annoyed and skeptical look, but their conversation is interrupted by the sound of high heels clacking loudly against the stone floor outside. Klaus is immediately suspicious of the noise) Klaus: (unnerved) Someone's here. (He quickly stands and rushes into the courtyard as Elijah and Rebekah follow behind him. Upon entering, they find Josephine, who is wearing a conspiculously-placed velvet choker around her neck to hide the wounds on her throat that she sustained from Dahlia in the previous episode. She looks at them calmly as they approach her) Elijah: (confused) Josephine. Josephine: (smiles) Forgive me for calling so early, Elijah, but, I've come bearing a message from your aunt Dahlia. (Elijah looks stunned) She is owed a debt, and she means to be paid. Klaus: (smiles weakly) She can writhe in Hell first. Josephine: For merely taking what your mother promised her? (Klaus' fake-smile falls) If you must harbor hatred, isn't it better spent on the one who traded your child away a thousand years ago? Blame Esther, if you must, but I seek only to fulfill a bargain. A bargain that, consequently, resulted in your very existence. Perhaps you should be thanking me? (Elijah, Klaus, and Rebekah all begin to scowl and glare at her as Elijah steps toward her, staring at her intently) Elijah: Dahlia. Josephine / Dahlia: (grins) My child, I prefer Aunt Dahlia. (Klaus takes a deep breath and walks toward her until they are face-to-face) Klaus: You dare enter my home? Josephine / Dahlia: (sighs boredly) I only came for what is mine. (As she speaks, the spell that reanimated Josephine's body begins to weaken, and her throat begins to bleed profusely from underneath her choker) The time has come to add the child's power to my own. Though, I do not detect her here. I see you've used a spell to cloak her. No matter. Such spells will yield, as will you. Say your farewells. You have 'til nightfall tomorrow, and then the child shall be mine. Be a dear and inform the mother? No reason we can't be civilized about this. (Klaus smirks at Josephine/Dahlia and gives Elijah a look before completely losing his temper and karate-chopping her in the neck, decapitating her and sending her head flying across the courtyard. Both Rebekah and Elijah look horrified about what they've just heard but Klaus smiles as he looks at Josephine's lifeless body on the floor) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ] (Hayley is talking to Aiden and Jackson inside the safe house, while the rest of the werewolf army mills around outside and inside the perimeter of the building. She holds Hope in her arms and rocks her soothingly as she speaks) Hayley: (takes a deep breath) Okay. Good news? Dahlia still doesn't know that we're here. Bad news? She's given us until tomorrow night, and then she's coming for Hope. Jackson: Well, I say we get the hell out of here. Hayley: (lowers her voice) Look, Jack, I wanna go as much as you do, but think. Freya said that Dahlia was drawn to Hope's magic. No matter how far we go, she's still gonna be able to track us! At least this place is spelled; no one can do magic here, not Hope or Dahlia. Jackson: (worried) Sure, this place is spelled, but we've seen bigger magic than this break. I say we run while we can. (Hayley sets Hope in her play pen and she coos as she looks around, and Hayley stares at her with concern) Hayley: (sighs) It's a risk either way. She's just so little. It's not fair: witchcraft, magical spells. She didn't ask for any of this... (Hayley suddenly gets an idea) .. which means that she wouldn't miss it if it was gone. (Jackson looks at her in confusion) Jack, maybe that's it? Dahlia could only sense her when she's using magic. So, what if there's a way of stopping her from doing it in the first place? Jackson: (frowns) She's just a baby, how are we gonna do that? Hayley: (determined) I have an idea. Although... it's dangerous. Especially now. (Aiden, who has been listening to them talk from nearby, suddenly pipes up) Aiden: Let me do it. (Hayley and Jackson both turn to look at him) Look, whatever it is, it's my fault you didn't get away yesterday. Jackson: No, that wasn't your fault, Aiden. Aiden: (anxious) Please, just give me a chance to make it up to you. (Jackson looks back at Hayley before nodding in agreement) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (In the cemetery, Freya is setting up a memorial for Mikael using large stones, a bowl of crystals, and some deer antlers, among other objects. Several of them have Norse runes carved into them, including the rune "gar," which means spear, and is attributed to Odin's spear Gungnir in Norse mythology. Freya kneels in front of the memorial and stares at it sadly for a moment until she is joined by Rebekah, who looks unhappy) Rebekah: Freya? I am so, so sorry. Freya: About what? Certainly not about our father. I alone mourn him, as I alone loved him. And now, because of Klaus, my father is taken from me once more. Rebekah: (stares at the memorial) I never knew the man you're mourning. He showed more tenderness to you yesterday than we have ever seen. All I can recall is his terrible temper, his awful cruelty. Especially to Klaus. Freya: (sighs) That is not an excuse. Rebekah: Isn't it? (Freya remains silent and looks away) I know Klaus can be infuriating, treacherous even. But there is no one better to have at your side against someone like Dahlia. (Freya angrily stands to her feet and walks away, but Rebekah stands and follows her) Rebekah: Klaus wants to keep Hope safe as much as you want your freedom. We need to work together. Freya: (aggravated) How can you defend him? I was abducted by Dahlia, spent years under her control, and yet he acts as if I am the enemy! I have given you all every reason to trust me, and still, Klaus rejects me. (Freya picks up a smaller stone with the same "gar" rune carved into it) And honestly? I cannot understand why you would continue to trust him. (Freya sighs and walks past Rebekah, but before she leaves the cemetery, she stops and turns back toward her sister) Freya: You and Elijah have a choice: from now on, it's either Klaus, or me. (Freya leaves, and Rebekah looks conflicted and exhausted) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is in his art room at the compound, where he is furiously painting an abstract piece. He has covered a large canvas in dark red, gold, and green/brown paint, which has a mottled appearance. Elijah enters the room to find him absorbed in his artwork and seems appalled at his behavior) Elijah: (sighs) You do understand there is no time? (Klaus looks back at Elijah and glares at him before going back to his work) Niklaus, if Mikael's ashes are the key to ending Dahlia, then surely you must see the need to share their whereabouts? (Klaus doesn't even turn around, he simply continues painting) Klaus: I see nothing of the sort. Elijah: (confused and hurt) It is no secret that you often strategize while painting. I assume you have a plan, here. Klaus: You ask that I share my strategies so you can run straight to Freya and bring her into the circle of trust? I think not. Elijah: (frustrated) It is too dangerous for you, brother. You cannot do this alone! Klaus: And who should I trust to protect Hope? Our new-found sister with duplicitous motives of her own? Hayley, whose allegiance to her husband grows stronger by the day, or how about Jackson, the self-declared king of the wolves? Elijah: You need only trust me. Klaus: I would love to, Elijah. Now, more than ever, I need my brother, my closest ally, my blood... (He hesitates for a moment) .. but you have not been the same since Mother got inside your head. (Elijah looks hurt and walks away from him) Your judgment is not what it was. You are not what you were! The Elijah I know would never have clung so desperately to the word of a duplicitous stranger, telling him what he wants to hear! Elijah: (sighs) Freya is our blood, brother. She also has every reason to want Dahlia's demise! We have no cause to distrust her! Klaus: Which is a far cry from being trustworthy! She vanquished Finn, yes, but only after she herself resurrected him, and though lauded for saving Rebekah from Eva Sinclair, how do we know she didn't have a hand in waking that demon in the first place? Elijah: Niklaus, if we cannot trust one another, we can't work together. Klaus: (sighs and returns to his painting) No, we cannot. (Elijah frowns at him, clearly frustrated with his attitude) (Elsewhere, Aiden is in Klaus' study, where he's pulling a pair of the cursed manacles that prevent a witch from doing magic out of a wooden box. He gently stows them into his inner jacket pocket. Once he's done, Klaus wanders into the room, wiping off his paint-smeared hands on a rag) Klaus: Aiden. To what do I owe this visit? (Aiden is clearly startled by this encounter, and tries his best to calm his nerves as to not arouse Klaus' suspicions) Aiden: I just wanted to tell you that Hayley, Jackson, and Hope are at Marcel's jazz club, and they're safe there, very well protected. Klaus: Well, you can hardly be my eyes and ears there if you're standing before me. (He gives Aiden a hard look) Why are you here? (Aiden, at a loss for excuses, gestures to a stuffed bunny sitting on Klaus' desk before picking it up) Aiden: Uh, for this. Hayley said she left it here yesterday? I guess it's Hope's favorite! (Aiden laughs nervously, and Klaus seems slightly suspicious, but shrugs it off and chuckles as he walks toward Aiden) Klaus: Hmm. (quietly) Your loyalty is refreshing. (Aiden smiles and holds up the bunny again and heads for the door. Before he can leave, Klaus calls out to him) However, your life will be worth less than the velveteen on this little rabbit if I find my faith in you has been misplaced. Understood? (Aiden says nothing, he just smiles nervously before he leaves. Klaus continues to look suspicious, but after a moment, he smirks) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Aiden has just arrived at Kol's former playhouse, where he is informing Josh and Davina about his encounter with Klaus) Aiden: Klaus doesn't suspect a thing! Josh: (freaks out) Oh, right. Yes, I'm sure that Klaus "color me paranoid" Mikaelson totally fell for your whole "I came across the river for Hope's bunny" ruse. Aiden: (turns to Davina and holds up the cursed shackles) Look, these manacles are spelled to neutralize witch power, right? (Davina nods) So, Davina, if you could transfer the magic from these onto something smaller, just think about it. If the baby can't give off magic, then Dahlia won't be able to track her. Davina: I could try, but what difference does it make? I thought the baby was already safe. Aiden: Hayley and Jackson are getting ready to run. (Davina looks both shocked and slightly jealous at this revelation) Davina: Wow. (She laughs bitterly) Good for them. If Kol had asked me to run before he got hexed, well, he wouldn't have had to ask me twice. (Aiden looks at her sympathetically before turning to Josh, who seems stressed. After a moment, Davina sighs and holds out her hands to Aiden) Davina: OK. (She takes the manacles from Aiden and sets them down on a table before taking off the silver bracelet she and Kol made and setting the chain next to it) Let's say I do this. Aren't we forgetting one really important thing? (She looks at Aiden worriedly) If Klaus finds out what you did... Aiden: (cuts her off) Let me worry about that. (Davina sighs worriedly and looks down at the manacles and chain on the table) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ] (Hayley and Hope are sitting together on the stage of the jazz club when she suddenly sees green vines magically creeping up the outside and inside walls of the building. They become so thick and numerous that eventually, they completely cover the windows. Hayley stands up, holding Hope protectively in her arms, and a handful of werewolf guards join her in investigating the vines, which are now blooming with blood-red flowers. Hayley recognizes the flowers from her encounter with Dahlia's proxies the previous day) Hayley: (scared) They're Dahlias. She knows we're here. (After the break, Dahlia walks down the stone stairs that lead to St. James Infirmary. She sees a nearby werewolf guard calling someone on a cell phone and flicks her fingers to knock out the cell service) Dahlia: (chants) Vidau. (The werewolf takes the phone away from his ear and looks at it in confusion. Dahlia flicks her fingers again, this time toward the safe house itself) Dahlia: (chants) Vidau. (Hayley has just picked up her phone to call for help, but because of Dahlia's spell, the call doesn't go through. Back outside, Dahlia sits down on a stone wall and clenches her hands into fists before twisting them as though she were wringing out a wet washcloth, which snaps the spine of another werewolf guard who is pacing nearby. Inside, Hayley tries to call Klaus on the landline phone, but the call still doesn't go through. She hangs up the phone and turns to one of the guards, looking anxious) Hayley: I need you to go get help now. Go, go! (Dahlia is walking toward the entrance when the werewolf rushes toward her, and Dahlia almost looks bored as she thrusts her hand forward and twists her wrist, which snaps the werewolf's neck) Werewolf: Ahh! (The werewolf falls dead to the floor, and Dahlia steps past him and smiles when she reaches the entrance to the jazz club/safe house. She stops right outside the threshold and holds her hand horizontally in front of her face as she whistles the tune that she hummed to Freya as a child, which travels across her flat hand and into the safe house, where Hayley hears it echoing loudly around the room and becomes terrified) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MARCEL'S LOFT ] (Rebekah is pacing around Marcel's apartment, where she is ranting to Marcel about her visit with Freya while he plays darts) Rebekah: So that's it? I'm to choose between the brother I've known a thousand years and the sister I've always wanted, and of course, Nik doesn't exactly make it easy with his ruddy painting. It's like he's just fiddling away while Rome burns. Marcel: (turns and walks toward her) Klaus is at his best when there's an enemy he needs to take down. I guarantee he's got a plan. Rebekah: (worried) And what if that plan doesn't bear fruit before nightfall tomorrow? Marcel: (sighs) We've been through worse, all right? We'll get through this. (Marcel returns to throwing darts at the dartboard on his wall, while Rebekah sighs in frustration and continues pacing around the apartment) Rebekah: I wish I could just ship him off to bloody sardinia or somewhere with his paints and his wine cellar until this all blows over. Marcel: So, what's the alternative? We can't go up against him, we got no way to put him down. Rebekah: (sighs) No. Instead, here we are, gearing up for the fight of our lives, and all anyone can worry about is his next move. (Marcel pauses for a moment and gets an idea, but he doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he just throws another dart at the dartboard, which hits the bullseye))[/i] [SCENE_BREAK] [ ST. LOUIS CATHEDRAL ] (Freya is up in the bell tower of the church, where she has moved the memorial for Mikael from the cemetery to a table, which, like the rest of the room, is filled with lit white candles. After a moment, she pauses when she senses someone behind her and calls out to them without turning around. It's Elijah) Freya: I had a feeling I would be seeing you. (Elijah steps out of the shadows, holding something in his hands, and joins her in front of the memorial) Elijah: I understand you built a marker for Father. I wish to contribute this. (Elijah holds out his hand to her and shows her what he brought: a small hunting knife in a sheath. Freya takes it from him and removes it from its sheath to examine it, and seems surprised to see the blade)[/i] Freya: How did you...? Elijah: Niklaus stole it from Mikael long ago. He used it to carve these tiny little wooden figurines for Rebekah and myself. Like your own, his was not a happy childhood. Art was something of a sanctuary for Niklaus and remains so to this day. Freya: Do you tell me this so I might sympathize with him, as you do incessantly? (Elijah looks at her curiously) I assume Rebekah gave you my ultimatum. Elijah: I don't accept ultimatums, nor will I make a choice between yourself and Niklaus. Freya: I will not trust my freedom to an alliance with Klaus, which means you will fight Dahlia alone, and you will lose. Elijah: (calmly) You came to us, tired of running, desperate to be free, and searching for the kind of strength that can only come from family. (Freya gives him a look, though she knows he's right) Now, with or without you, Klaus and I will defeat Dahlia, and I would prefer you to be on our side. Freya: You would ask me to stay and watch as we all become Dahlia's chattel? Elijah: (walks toward Freya) Stay, and we will defeat Dahlia together. Or, you may leave, and consign yourself to a life of solitude. My sister, is there really any choice? Freya: (sighs in frustration) Swear to me that you will not allow Klaus to be our undoing. (Elijah pauses for a moment, but says nothing) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is continuing to paint his abstract piece with red, gold, and green/brown paint when Cami suddenly arrives and approaches him in his art room) Cami: Bad time? Klaus: Camille. Ah, yes. As I've recently proved disagreeable, I assume Elijah asked you here to play therapist to the savage beast. Cami: (smiles innocently) Actually, I was just gonna say you look like you could use some fresh air. Maybe we could go for a walk? You could spend, I don't know, 5 seconds not obsessing about who not to trust and who you're gonna murder next. Klaus: I quite enjoy my obsessions, thank you very much. (He returns to his painting) Fear not, I shall tell Elijah you came as asked, and you may leave assured your duty is fulfilled. Cami: (walks toward him) Klaus. Talk to me and not because Elijah sent me. (Klaus sighs in frustration before nodding at her) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ] (Hayley is pacing anxiously around inside the safe house with Hope in her arms. She looks extremely nervous as Hope chews on a toy obliviously) Hayley: It's OK, baby girl. (Dahlia has made it through the entrance of the jazz club and is walking into the front hall, whose walls are now covered in vines and dahlia flowers. She finally finds the doorway to the room where Hayley and Hope are standing, but stops just outside the doorway. Hayley clutches Hope tightly to her chest and glares at her. When Dahlia sees Hope, she clutches her heart and gasps) Dahlia: What a beauty! Hello, my child. I... (She starts to walk into the room, but she stops when she notices the thick line of sand that is is spread over the entire length of the doorway that is sealing Josephine's disruption spell into the room) Dahlia: I was hoping for a more intimate chat, though I sense by entering you would have me at a considerable disadvantage. Hayley: (scared) Why don't you come on in? I would love to show you some hybrid hospitality. Dahlia: I only wanted to see the little one who has been promised to me. Won't be long now. Surely you've noticed the spell protecting you is growing weaker. Hayley: If you lay a finger on her, I swear I will make you suffer in ways even your evil mind can't imagine. (Dahlia laughs, but continues speaking to Hayley in a kind and gentle tone in hopes of winning her over) Dahlia: Hayley, is it? I have no quarrel with you. Esther made this bargain long ago. It's most unfortunate you've been dragged into it. Hayley: You talk like you don't have a choice, but this is your doing. Dahlia: When I give my word, I keep it, and I expect others to do the same. Esther and I made a bargain a long time ago, and so, you see, that child is rightfully mine. The only question that you need ask is would you deny me, knowing that it would mean your death? Hayley: (furious) You're not taking her. Dahlia: (sighs and tries to remain patient) You're frightened for... (She rolls her eyes) .. your child. Heh. I can assure you anything that Freya may have told you about our life together, well, she always had a flair for the dramatic. Hayley: (unamused) Well, it seems to run in the family. Dahlia: Well, then of course, most of my troubles with Freya stemmed from the fact that I came for her so late in life. She had such a strong memory of the family that I took her from, but Hope is still young. She won't cling to the memory of you or cry for you in her sleep. You can take comfort in the fact that for her it will be as if you never existed. Hayley: (lets her hybrid face out) Come closer. Let's see how a witch with no magic does against me. (Suddenly, Hope starts to cry, causing Hayley to turn her attention back to her) Dahlia: (mockingly) Well... You've upset the child. Pity. You ought not to waste your last hours with her this way. You should spend your time saying your farewells. Nightfall tomorrow will come all too soon. Good-bye for now, little one. (Hayley rocks Hope and kisses her on the forehead as she continues to glare at Dahlia, and Dahlia gives them one last parting glance before she leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (Cami is sitting with Klaus at an outdoor caf table, where they're drinking coffee and talking. Nearby, several children are tap-dancing on the sidewalk for spare change) Cami: Have you ever thought about how hard this must have been for Freya, being raised by this woman? I mean, you of all people should at least have some compassion for that. Klaus: (boredly) Yes, yes, poor Freya, but that's my point exactly. I of all people know whether the parent raising you loves you or loathes you, they still form who you are. After all this time, am I not Mikael's son, and therefore, is Freya not just as dangerous as Dahlia herself? Cami: You've been talking for 20 minutes, and that's the first time you've brought up Mikael. Klaus: (sighs) I see no reason to dwell on the deceased. Cami: You made an alliance with him, you fought beside him, and then you killed him. Klaus: Yes, for the second time. Your point? Cami: (skeptical) You don't have any feelings about that? Klaus: My only feeling is a lingering sense of annoyance that he didn't stay dead the first time. Cami: I don't believe you. Mikael raised you. Klaus: And I ended him... (Cami looks at him with concern and disbelief and Klaus shrugs) After the first good day we ever had together. We actually made a good team, and just when it looked as though we might for once be allies... I drove a stake through his heart. (Klaus smiles weakly, and Cami seems even more unsettled) Cami: Because he said he loved Freya? (Klaus' smile falls, but he shrugs it off) Klaus: (sarcastically) Or maybe it's just what I do... kill my enemies, sometimes my friends. This may come as a surprise to you, Camille, but I'm not a terribly good person. (Klaus smirks at her, and Cami just stares at him silently) (Elsewhere in the Quarter, Josh and Aiden are walking down the street while they talk) Josh: So after I realized that I was spending, like, 3 hours a day on reddit, I just thought, "this stupid, you know? I'm just gonna start reading the times-picayune," I mean, even though it is, like, the weirdest name ever for a newspaper. It's... (The two turn into an alley, and Aiden cuts him off) Aiden: Josh. Josh: (confused) Huh? Aiden: (smiles) I love you. (Josh laughs in disbelief and happiness, which causes Aiden to do the same. However, after a moment, Josh's smile falls, and he starts to become worried) Josh: Oh, no. What are you gonna do? Aiden: Look, here's the thing. I am who I am, OK? Loyalty is in my DNA, but I can't live with myself if I'm spying for Klaus because I'm not cut out to be a double agent, so I'm gonna tell Jackson everything. Josh: (concerned) What? Because it's so much better to be killed by Jackson than Klaus? And even if he doesn't kill you, then what? Aiden: Then meet me in two hours. Let's get out of here and finally start our life together. Josh: (stunned) Wow! You really want to just... go? (Aiden nods) With me? Aiden: (smiles) Like I said, I am who I am. (He squeezes Josh's arm affectionately) I'm a pack guy, and you are my pack now. Josh: (overwhelmed) Uh, leave? OK. Yeah. Wow. (He laughs nervously) Heh. I mean... heh... I'm finally pronouncing all the street names right... (Aiden giggles happily) .. and I know I... I did die here and all, but, well, this was the first place I ever felt like myself. Aiden: I know this is all really fast, but if you want this, I'll see you in two hours. (Josh gulps nervously and smiles a weak smile, too overwhelmed to speak. Aiden takes his silence as a rejection and looks hurt and disappointed, but still smiles sadly at him and squeezes his hands affectionately as he turns and walks away. Before he can leave, Josh sighs and vamp-speeds toward him to stop him) Josh: Yes. I'll be there. (Aiden sighs in relief and happiness as Josh puts his hand on Aiden's neck) Of course I'll be there. (The two press their foreheads together and look each other in the eyes before Josh kisses Aiden. The two make out for a long moment before they pull away, both looking happy and nervous for what is to come) Aiden: Good. (Aiden walks away again, but Josh stops him one last time before he leaves) Josh: Hey, Aiden. (Aiden turns to look back at him) I love you, too. (Aiden smiles widely, which makes Josh smile as well, before Aiden leaves to get ready) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Davina is sitting in Kol's old playhouse with Dowager Fauline's large paragon diamond in her hand, which reflects the sunlight from the windows into small rainbows on her face. After a moment, Davina hears someone entering the tomb and stands, holding the diamond in one hand and thrusting her other hand out in preparation to use magic against the intruder. However, it's only Marcel, and once Davina realizes that, she sighs in relief and annoyance and stands down) Marcel: (alarmed) Whoa! Hold it. It's just me. I... I come in peace. Davina: (pushes up her sleeves) You should know better than to sneak up on me. Marcel: (walks toward her) I wasn't sneaking. Just haven't talked to you in a while. Davina: What do you want, Marcel? Marcel: Look, I know you've been going through a hard time, holed up in here ever since Kol died, trying to bring him back... Davina: What do you care? You hated him anyway. Marcel: Oh, I didn't hate him. I just didn't much like him, and to be honest, I really didn't like him for you. You know, I can be a little protective. Davina: (laughs weakly) Yeah. Understatement of the year. (She starts wandering around the tomb as she looks through spell ingredients) You know, even though I appreciate you saving me from Eva, you never once bothered to ask me how I felt after Kol died... (Her voice becomes thick with emotion) .. and even after all the crazy things I've been through, that was the worst. That's when I needed you most. (Marcel sighs and walks toward her until they're face-to-face) Marcel: You're right. I'm truly sorry that I wasn't there for you, but we have a problem... Klaus. Davina: So what else is new? Marcel: Kol told me you guys were working on a weapon you could use against him. Rebekah heard it was a dagger, one that would work even on Klaus. I need to know if you finished it. Davina: And what if we did? Marcel: Look, D, nobody in this city is safe with this witch Dahlia coming around. Now Klaus is off the rails, and he won't trust anyone, and he won't share the one weapon that will take down this witch. If things go south, that dagger might come in handy. Davina: (unamused) Kol gave me that dagger for my protection. I'll be the one that decides if it gets used. (She starts setting up for a spell) Now, I have to get back to work. (Marcel looks conflicted) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (Klaus, having finished his talk with Cami, is walking down the streets of the Quarter when Elijah appears and joins him. When Klaus sees him, he sighs in annoyance) Klaus: Your transparent attempts to therapize me failed, brother. I suggest you allow me to make my way home in peace. Elijah: Enough with the games, Niklaus. Now is not the time. Must I beseech you to stand with us? Klaus: If by "us" you mean you and Freya, then I will not be standing with you. Elijah: She is the best chance we have to save your child. Klaus: Yes, Elijah, my child, which is why, although she feigns innocence, I can't help but recall it was Freya who led our lunatic brother Finn to the safe house, where he would have done God knows what if you had not intervened. Elijah: (sighs) I was a breath away from taking your life. (He holds up his hand, which is in a fist) Just a few short years ago when you broke your curse, I held your beating heart in my hand. Do you recall that, Niklaus? And yet here we are still alive, still family. Now we need her, Niklaus. Freya is our family. If you cannot see the greater picture here... Klaus: (interrupts him) You see only around the next curve in the road. I am looking from above. Freya gave herself away when she complained of our single weapon to kill Dahlia. Now I know there is a way to defeat our hated enemy without her. Elijah: So enlighten me, and I will do everything in my power to help you! Klaus: Forsake Freya, and I will let you in. Elijah: (frustrated) Niklaus, this is insane. Hope is also my family. Now if you continue to walk this path, you will lead her towards harm. (Klaus looks at him blankly) And do not fail to understand me when I say this to you. I will do whatever it takes to prevent this. Klaus: (angry) So will I. So the choice remains yours, brother... Freya, or me. (Klaus turns and rushes away, leaving Elijah to glare at him mutinously for his behavior) (Elsewhere in the Quarter, Aiden has just met with Jackson on the street, where he hands him the chain Kol and Davina made that Davina spelled for them) Aiden: Yeah. So Davina says Hope shouldn't be able to do any magic if she's wearing that, and... (He thinks for a second) .. oh... to tell you good luck. Jackson: (pleased) You did good, Aiden. (He pats Aiden on the back and leads him to an alley) Come on. Aiden: (nervous) Wait. There's, uh, something I need to, um... (Jackson turns to face him, looking confused, and Aiden seems anxious) Look. Um, the reason you didn't get out of the compound last night was because of me. Jackson: (scoffs) You can't control traffic, buddy. Aiden: No, I... I did it on purpose... for Klaus. (Jackson's face turns from stunned to betrayed, and Aiden starts to plead with him) He sucked me in. He appealed to my stupid ego, told me everything that I wanted to hear. OK? (Jackson turns around and rubs his face with his hands in disbelief) Last night, he told me to watch you guys. Jack, if I would have let you escape, he would have killed me... (Jackson loses his temper and punches Aiden straight in the face with a right cross. Aiden groans and rubs his jaw as he turns back to Jackson, looking guilty) Aiden: (grimaces in pain) I guess I deserved that. Ahem. Jackson: (angry) This thing Klaus said that you wanted to hear, what was it? Aiden: (becomes embarrassed and hesitates) Uh, he told me I'd make a good Alpha. (He scoffs and laughs bitterly) What a joke, right? I mean, an Alpha would never turn on his pack. (Jackson looks furious for a moment, but then he sighs and calms down) Jackson: Neither did you, in the end. (Aiden looks surprised to hear this) All I know is that today you risked your life for Hayley and for Hope, so you have to take my forgiveness. Aiden: (guilty) I don't deserve to be a part of the pack, so I'm leaving. Uh, yeah. Josh and I are getting out of here. Jackson: (surprised) All right. If you need to take some time like I did, do it, but you'll always be a part of this pack, OK? I'm not ready to lose you yet. (Jackson turns to leave, and Aiden, who seems relieved by Jackson's reaction to his confession, stops him before he can go) Aiden: Jackson, uh... (Jackson turns to face him) .. just take care of yourself, you know, and watch your back with Klaus. (Jackson walks over to him and gives him a big hug) Jackson: Come here, you idiot. (Jackson pounds Aiden's back affectionately with his fist, and Aiden laughs heartily in response as they squeeze each other tight. However, unbeknownst to them, Dahlia has been eavesdropping on their conversation from across the street and watches as Jackson and Aiden split up and walk in opposite directions) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ] (Elijah has just made it to the safe house, where Hayley is updating him on what happened) Hayley: Of course I tried to call you, Elijah, but since Dahlia was able to take down both Klaus and Mikael, I am guessing that a cell phone tower was a piece of cake. Elijah: (unhappy) And where were the wolves who stood guard? Hayley: (frustrated) Getting their asses handed to them by Dahlia, just like Klaus did. (Klaus arrives just then and joins them in the jazz club) Klaus: That's it. You're coming with me to the compound. Hayley: (incredulous) Where Dahlia sent Josephine this morning? No way! We'd be sitting ducks, just like we will be here as soon as that spell breaks... (She sighs) .. which is why we have to go. (Elijah looks at her in alarm) Jackson is out getting supplies, and then we're taking the wolves, and we're headed to the Bayou. Klaus: (unamused) The swamp, so my child can be protected by the very wolves Dahlia so easily defeated? Absolutely not. (Hayley shoves past Elijah, shoulder-checking him in the process, and aggressively gets in Klaus' face) Hayley: You know, I am so over taking advice from you, Klaus. All it has done so far is put Hope in danger. From now on, I am going to do what I want to do. We're leaving. (Hayley pushes past Klaus as well, but he shoves her backwards to stop her) Klaus: (points at her) You're not going anywhere unless I tell you to. Hayley: (furious) I am not your prisoner, Klaus. Elijah: Both of you, please. We're playing into Dahlia's hands. Klaus: Not doing as I say plays into her hands. While you two have been kow-towing to Freya and devising ways to flee with your tail between your legs, I've been forging a new path. I know what Freya was planning, and I know how to kill Dahlia. [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (Aiden steps out of the Silhouetted Garden flower shop, holding the door open for a woman as he leaves with a bouquet of red roses) Woman: Thank you! Aiden: (smiles) Sure. (All of a sudden, Aiden hears Dahlia's whistled tune, and when he looks down at the bouquet of flowers, he finds they've been dried and wilted by Dahlia's spell) Dahlia: Too bad. They were almost as young and beautiful as you. Aiden: (confused) What are you... Dahlia: (cuts him off) Hello, Aiden, sweet boy. We should get started. (She turns, pressing the tip of her index finger to her lips before using it to beckon Aiden forward. He resists at first, but eventually, the spell forces him to follow behind her despite his best efforts) Aiden: (scared) Ahh! Dahlia: Don't fear. This will be over quickly. (She clenches her hand into a fist and punches the air backwards, which telekinetically hits Aiden in the abdomen and causes him to double over in pain as they walk into another deserted alley) Dahlia: You are what is known as a tipping point, to set Mikaelson against Mikaelson. (She flicks her index and middle fingers, which causes two deep, bleeding claw-marks to appear on Aiden's neck. Aiden groans and hisses in pain as his eyes fill with tears) Aiden: Yeeow! Dahlia: It is true you are a minor player, though it only takes one match to burn down acres of forest. In my plan to divide and conquer, you are my perfect kindling. (She swipes at the air with her other hand, causing another two claw-marks to appear on Aiden's face, which bleed down his cheek) Aiden: Aah! (He's crying now, and looks to be in agony) Why are you doing this to me? Dahlia: Because... (She thrusts her arm forward and makes a fist with her hand, causing Aiden to gasp in pain and a bloody spot to appear on his shirt from his chest. Aiden falls to his knees) .. I need it to look convincing. (She opens her fist, and Aiden's heart flies out of his chest and into her open hand. Aiden gasps one last time before he falls dead to the floor. Dahlia looks pleased as she examines Aiden's heart in her hand. As she walks away, she drops his heart onto the ground next to his body) [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE FRENCH QUARTER ] (It's night time now, and Josh is talking to Davina as they walk down the street to meet Aiden. Josh has packed everything he needs in his backpack, and seems excited to leave on an adventure) Josh: I promise we'll move somewhere cool so you'll want to come visit. (Davina laughs) Any preferences, like, uh, Berlin, Rio, Joberg? Davina: You know I'd go anywhere to see you. Josh: You know I'd go anywhere to see you. You know, I... I hate to leave right after Kol and all. I feel like a jerk. Davina: (laughs) No. I... I'm glad for you guys. Really, I am. I... It'd be too depressing if one of us didn't get a happy ending. (Josh smiles at Davina, but they stop when they reach an alley. When Josh looks down it, he sees a figure laying on the ground and immediately drops his backpack on the ground) Josh: (freaks out) What the...? (He and Davina rush to the figure, and sure enough, it's Aiden, who is still sprawled on the alley floor with his heart on the ground next to him. Josh kneels next to Aiden and shakes him gently as he starts to cry) Josh: No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. (He examines Aiden's clawed-up face and bites his wrist in hopes of saving him with his blood. However, when he sees Aiden's heart on the ground next to him, he realizes there's nothing he can do and begins to sob) Aiden? Aiden? (Josh, absolutely devastated, begins to sob as Davina, who is still standing behind him, looks both furious and horrified at Aiden's death) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ST. JAMES INFIRMARY ] (Elijah, Hayley, and Klaus are still arguing at the safe house) Aiden? Aiden! Klaus: Freya objected to us making a single weapon because it spoilt her plan. Jackson: Klaus! Jack? Klaus! Oh, my God! What happened? Klaus made Aiden spy on us. Instead, he told me everything, so you killed him! Hayley: You killed him, one of the wolves sworn to protect our daughter? So what if I did? This is what happens to anyone who dares cross me! Just give us the word, Jackson. Yes! Come and have a go, but you'll be putting your life on the line for one who was all too willing to betray you. Perhaps this never would have happened if he'd have had a real Alpha. Unh! Do you wish to die? (Growls) You want to kill me, too, Elijah? Elijah: If you come at him, you come at me. You lot should make better use of your time. I suggest burying your dead. Get out! Niklaus, you mentioned a plan. I recommend you begin. Hayley and Hope are safe for the time being. They're not going anywhere. Shan't be long. I can't believe this is happening. My brother's lost his bloody mind. You really think those wolves are gonna fight to protect Hope now? He ruins everything he touches, turns everyone against us. Davina: Marcel? We just heard. Is Josh with you? No. When Jackson came to get Aiden's body, he just took off. D. D, I'm so sorry. I brought something for you. Is that what I think it is? The dagger Kol and I made. I want you to use it. I want you to put Klaus down. Nice job today. First Klaus kills Aiden, and then you defend him? I was protecting Hope. Yeah. Well, if that's true, then what happens now? Somehow, I don't think that Klaus is gonna be able to save us. He loves her. I love her. Well, if you do, then let us leave. If you run to the bayou, I cannot protect you from Dahlia or Niklaus. We have a way of keeping Hope from doing magic. Dahlia won't be able to track us down. Jackson knows every inch of the bayou. He can protect us, and I know that Marcel will help us get out of the city. The only thing standing in our way is you. What are you asking me to do? We can't run from Dahlia and hide from Klaus at the same time. You want to protect us? Buy us some time. Cami: Tell me you didn't do it. Tell me you didn't kill that sweet boy. Camille... They said you admitted it. Then why even come here? To see for yourself, morbid curiosity, a new piece of the puzzle in your long-standing analysis of the immortal b*st*rd? If I tell you who I am, and you refuse to believe me, then I can hardly be blamed for your disappointment. I wish I did believe you, and you know what? Maybe you were right, maybe about everything, even Freya. Maybe she's not what she seems. Maybe she is out to get you and twisting everyone against you, and maybe she is this terrible person, but you know what she didn't do, Klaus? She didn't just kill Aiden. She didn't just murder an innocent guy. And neither did I! What? Why did you tell them that you did? If I have spilled Crescent blood, then Hayley will be forced to question her pack's loyalty to Hope, and she will not run. But if they don't protect her, then who... Only I can save her, and I need them to fear me! Am I supposed to fear you, too? It would be better for you if you did, for you to believe I am the monster they would paint me as. And then one day when all of this was past, I might find you and profess my innocence, and because you are you, you would believe me, and we would pass a perfect afternoon in a corner cafe together. And I would wish for nothing more. A better man would protect you with that lie, but I am not that man... And so I leave you with the burden of a truth that no one will believe. (Footsteps) You put them in the paint... father's ashes, the earth from sacred ground, all hidden in plain sight. What are you doing here? You're supposed to be guarding Hayley. She's gone. She and Jackson took Hope, and you will not find them, brother. You helped Hayley escape with my daughter. Well, someone had to protect that child. How dare you! I'm a hybrid, Elijah. Why provoke a fight you cannot win? Unh! For Hope. (Footsteps) (Church bells playing Dahlia's melody) (Melody continues)

Setting the stage for a bloody showdown, Dahlia gives Klaus and Hayley a deadline to turn over baby Hope. Elijah attempts to convince Klaus that they need to work together in their fight against Dahlia, but Klaus forges ahead with his own dangerous plan, leaving everyone concerned about his next steps. Meanwhile, when Hayley realizes their chances of outrunning Dahlia are slim, she devises a risky plan and enlists Aiden's help. Elsewhere, Freya gives Rebekah and Elijah an ultimatum, and Marcel strategizes on how best to deal with Klaus' erratic behavior.

fd_Angel_02x20

fd_Angel_02x20_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Landok comes shooting out of the portal and he and Angel fight. Lorne: "Landok, is that you?" Landok: "Landokmar of the Deathwok clan." Cordy: "Does that mean that the two of you are..." Lorne: "Cousins, yeah." Director: "Show the cleavage. Say the line. Got it? Or do you want to waste more of our time, princess?" Cordy: "I just wanted to act, that's all." Gunn upon seeing that George is dead: "You should've waited for me!" Rondell: "We been waiting on you for months, bro." Cordy to Librarian: "We're looking for someone we think works here." Librarian: "Fred disappeared five years ago. They never found her." Cordy pulls a book from the shelf: "Here it is." Blurry pictures of her vision of Fred getting sucked through a portal. Cordy: "This is the book that Fred was holding in my vision. The portal works both ways!" Landok reading from book then getting sucked through the portal. Wesley: "Cordy? - Cordy?" Angel: "Cordy!" Cordy wakes up in the woods on Pylea. Wesley looks around the club for Cordy, Angel is searching behind the stage curtains. Wesley: "Cordy?" Angel: "Cordy?" Wesley: "Oh no. Oh my god, no. How could I've let this happen?" Angel: "No. She's here somewhere. She's just hiding. Cordy! Cordy!" Wesley: "Angel." Angel: "What?" Wesley: "She's gone. - Cordy's been sucked into the portal. She's in the host's dimension now." Angel to Lorne: "Where's Cordelia?!" Cordy gets up and brushes herself off. Cordy: "Angel? - Wesley! - Mr. Green-Mojo-Guy's cousin? -(Screams) Help!" Slaps a hand over her mouth. Cordy: "Right. Good one, Cor. Scream *very* loudly so the hellbeasts come to you." Takes a deep breath then clicks her heels together three times. Nothing happens. Cordy: "Worth a shot. - So. - Silver lining. - It's kind of a pretty place - when you look at it: woodsy woods, sunny and mild..." Spots a creature on a rock looking at her and growling. Cordy: "Giant hairy hellbeast staring at me. That's - that's incredibly frightning. Good hellbeast. You're a lazy hellbeast, aren't you? Yeas. You're gonna stay right there (Turns and begins to run) while I run for my life." The beast jumps from its perch on the rock and chases after her. Intro The host is behind the bar pouring himself a drink. Lorne: "I don't know where she is. I mean, m-my world, sure, but who knows if she's even... oh no, 'cause there's the... and the (gestures towards his head) with the (gestures again) oh (knocks the drink back in one go). God I wish I could get drunk." Wesley: "Okay, let's approach this logically." Angel: "Screw logic. We're getting Cordy back." Angel retrieves the book. Angel: "We're gonna open up another portal and we're going in after her." Wesley: "Angel, I don't think that's a good idea." Angel: "Wesley, I don't think I care." Wesley: "But we're completely unprepared. We should go back to the hotel, do some research." The host slowly sinks down below the level of the bar, opening and closing his mouth with no words coming out. Angel: "I don't wanna research, alright? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia!" Angel starts to read from the book, but Wesley grabs him by the arm and pulls him around to face him. Wesley: "We might never be able to get back!" Angel quietly: "It's Cordy." After a beat Wesley nods and steps back. Angel: "Krv Drpglr pwlz..." Lorne's head just peaking over the bar: "Oh crap." Angel: "...chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt." The host ducks down completely as the music stops in a big crescendo - and absolutely nothing happens. Angel: "Maybe I have to be standing where the portal opens." The host peeks over the bar than disappears again as Angel walks up on the stage and starts over. Angel: "Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt!" Wesley sits down slowly as again nothing happens. Angel: "What, is it - out of batteries? (Turns to face the host, once again peeking over the bar) Is this thing out of batteries?!?" Lorne: "I don't know. I don't know how it works." Angel: "Damn it!" Angel throws the book down and drops to sit on the edge of the stage, takes a few deep breaths. Angel: "I just got her back." Wesley: "There's obviously not going to be any big swirly hole jumping without a big swirly hole." Lorne: "Yeah. Right." Wesley: "So I suggest we return to the hotel, figure out a way to make one." Lorne: "You know, maybe it's best that you can't get in." Wes and Angel look over at Lorne. Angel: "What?" Lorne: "I'm just saying, my world? You-you don't want to jump into my world looking like that." Angel stands up: "Like what?" Lorne: "Like a human." Cordy is running from the beast. The beast catches up with her and brings her down and rolls her onto her back. Cordy: "No, no, wait! - I'm not supposed to die like this." The beast begins to lick her face. Cordy: "Oh, thank god - and also - eww! An old demon man comes running up. ODM: "Come here boy. Seekul!" With a funny sounding squeak the beast jumps off Cordy to face ODM, who holds his arms open. ODM: "Ha, ha, c'mere. Come on. Ha, ha." The beast bounces over to the old demon man. Cordy slowly picks herself up while the man pets his beast. ODM: "Good boy, Seekul. Yes. Yes." Cordy: "Really cute - thing, you got there. Personally I've always been a real - thing lover." ODM: "Good boy. Good boy. You found me a cow." Cordy: "Hey. Who're calling cow, mister!" The demon man takes out a piece of leather with a weighted end, whips it around a few times them throws it at Cordy, where it wraps her upper arms tightly to her body. Cordy: "Uhm - Oh-oh." ODM: "A fine old cow. Good cow. She'll fetch a pretty price at the market." Cordy: "Okay. But you're like Hindu, right? You don't eat the cows, right?" ODM: "Kind of a chatty cow, huh, Seekul? That'll drag down the price." He pulls out a piece of cloth. Cordy: "Wait! Wait,wait wait!" Uses the cloth to gag Cordy." The host is sitting in lobby of the Hyperion, Angel is leaning on the counter. Wesley enters carrying a stack of books. Angel: "Start talking." Lorne: "About my dimension? Okay, sure. Lets see. I was there. I came here. I like here. I don't wanna go there. So, is that all? Because I have to clean up the club." The host tires to leave. Angel: "Sit." Lorne drops back down on the bench. Angel: "Let's start simple. How did you get from your world to here?" Lorne: "Through a portal." Angel: "And how did you open that portal?" Lorne: "I didn't." Angel: "You're not helping me here." Lorne: "Look, it's no secret that I hate Pylea." Angel: "Pylea." Lorne: "My home dimension. Back when I lived there I would have done *anything* to get out. Anything! So one day, five years ago, I'm in the woods when suddenly right in front of me, out of nowhere, a portal appears. It-it was like my prayers had finally been answered." Angel: "You knew it was a portal." Lorne: "Well, no. At first I didn't know what the heck it was. But when I went to take a closer look, the forest goes all bendy, big flashy light and whoosh! - through the portal and bang (snaps his fingers) - I'm in another dimension. This dimension - which I *love* and adore and will never, never, never *never* leave." Angel: "But then who (snaps his fingers) opened the portal?" Lorne holds up his hand as if it was a sock puppet. Lorne: "Gift horse. (opens the hand puppets mouth) Mouth. (Pointedly looks the other way)" Angel goes to sit down. Angel: "Alright. So where did you end up in this dimension?" Lorne: "In an abandoned building, unlike any building I'd ever seen. And that's when I realized that I'd been delivered from hell. - I created Caritas in that very spot." Angel: "So you're saying that Pylea is a hell dimension, that Cordy is stuck in hell." Lorne: "Oh, not literally - but it runs a close second." Angel: "I find that hard to believe." Host: "Do you? - Well, try this: they have *no* music there. It doesn't exist. Do you know what that's like? No lullabies, no love songs. All my life I thought I was crazy. That I had ghosts in my head or something. Simply because I could hear music. Of course I didn't know it was music. All I knew was that it was something beautiful and - and painful - and right. And I was the only one who could hear it. - Then I wound up here and heard Aretha for the fist time... Well. (Gives a slight laugh, then turns serious) Don't kid yourselves. Cordy's in a *very* bad place." Wesley: "It's cold!" Angel: "What? Put on a sweater." Wesley: "No. No, no, no. The hotspot is cold. (Angel and the host look at him) - Certain geographical areas are rife with psychic energy. These areas tend to function as - dimensional hotspots, natural gateways between worlds. I'm guessing Caritas is one such spot. But the catch is..." Angel: "Oh god, got to have one of those." Wesley: "Creating a portal tends to deplete a hotspot of its psychic energy." Angel: "And since we already opened one..." Wesley: "...the hotspot is cold. That's why you couldn't open a second portal." Angel: "See, I *was* right. It was the batteries." Wesley: "The same probably applies to the one in the library." Lorne: "Oh, why not then wait until the portal recharges?" Angel gets up. Angel: "Because we've already wasted enough time. We have to find another hotspot and fast." Wesley: "That's not our only problem." Angel drops back down. Angel: "Of course it's not." Wesley: "When separate entities enter a dimensional portal they tend to - well - separate. Assuming we find another hotspot, and manage to open another portal, if we simply jump in, we could end up literally on opposite ends of the world." Lorne: "That means Landok and Cordy..." Wesley: "...didn't arrive together." Angel: "She really is alone." Gunn: "Hey." Wesley turns to the door. Wesley: "Gunn! Where have you been? We've been... We spoke hours ago." Gunn: "Sorry." Wesley: "No, it's okay. It's fine. Uh (gestures towards Angel) will you update him?" Angel: "Yeah. We've got two problems. One: we got to find a dimensional hotspot, and two: we got to figure out how we can all get through the portal without..." Gunn: "I'm not going." Everyone stops to look at Gunn. Angel after a long moment: "What?" Gunn: "Last night I lost one of my crew. - I should have been there, but... - I'm sorry but Wes said the trip was one way and-and I can't! - I know that makes me... (Shakes his head) I don't know what it makes me. But I figured I just owed to you to tell you face to face. (Angel stays silent) - Wish you luck. - Please. Find her." Gunn and Angel look at each other for a moment then Gunn turns and leaves. Lorne: "Hmm, tough decision. Poor kid. - But I'm right there with him." Angel: "Yeah. Me too, I guess." Lorne: "No, I mean about the not going part. You do know I'm not going, right?" Angel: "What? - But it's your world. We need a guide." Lorne: "Remember when I said that I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, *never* gonna leave? Well, exactly which never did you not understand?" Angel: "First Gunn and now... I-I can't believe this!" Lorne: "I'm sorry guys, but, I tell you what, I've got an idea about finding your hotspot. Back in a jiff." The host leaves as Angel leans on the counter across from Wesley. Wesley: "Gunn does have - responsibilities - ties - people to take care of." Angel: "So do I. - Right now - you and I- have to figure out - how to save her." Wesley goes back to reading his books. Cordy is carried into a quaint, medieval looking village hung hand and foot off a log, carried between to demon men. They set the log on top of some braces and leave. The old demon man comes up accompanied by an old demon woman. ODM: "She is a good cow. Strong. Maybe a little talkative, but you can whip it out of her." Vakma: "Skinny. Ugly, too. (Cordy lets out a muffled protest) One pig." ODM: "Two pigs." Vakma: "For this old cow? She probably croak before I can get her home." ODM: "A pig and a pint then. Flip liquor." Vakma looks over at Cordy then pulls a shiny silver collar out of the bag she is carrying. Vakama: "Fine. Put the collar on her." The old demon man takes the collar and snaps it around Cordy's neck. Vakma: "Ever since the last cow died we've mucking out the flehegna stables ourselves. You should see my rash." The old demon man cuts Cordy down and reaches to untie her gag, but Cordy pushes his hands away mumbling 'I got it, I got it' through the gag and does it herself. Cordy: "Okay. Okay. Look. First of all - I'm a human being - not a cow. You can't just barter a human being! Second of all: one pig? One *measly* pig? Third of all there has been a *huge* misunderstanding. See, I am an American and I have rights. And right now I'd like to get right back to... (Vakma points a square, little, silver thing at Cordy and presses down on it and Cordy yelps and reaches for her collar) That hurt!" Vakma: "Cows aren't for talking they're for doing their job if they know what's good for them. (To the old demon man) You can come by tomorrow and pick up your stuff. (To Cordy) Come on cow." Vakma turns and walks away, but Cordy doesn't move. Cordy: "If you think I'm gonna follow you..." Vakma points the silver thingy over her shoulder and presses it and Cordy yelps. Cordy: "Ow! You got another think... Ow! Coming." Cordy starts to hurry after the old demon woman, not seeing the human girl, her dirty face half obscured by long dark hair, watching her from the shadows. Break Gunn is sitting in his truck with the engine idling, staring straight ahead. Finally he swallows and puts the truck in gear. Big office divided up into many little cubicles with some portable walls. In one of those cubicles we see a dark haired girl talking on the phone. Aggie: "You don't know where you're going. You're lost. Miles from anything that grounds you. I get a deep sense of longing - separation." The host, holding a magazine to partially obscure his face and wearing dark sunglasses and a baseball cap comes up to the cubicle. Lorne: "Is this a bad time?" Aggie: "It's like you feel cut off." With that she pushes a button on the phone and jumps up to hug the host. Aggie: "Lorne!" Lorne: "Hey, Aggie, how's it going?" Aggie: "Ah, you know the business. Vague predicitons, lengthy pauses, anything to keep the numbers rolling." Lorne: "Yeah." Aggie: "You're hiding from the mob?" Lorne: "Don't get me started. I know it's Hollywood chic going incognito and all, but this hat's really chafing my horns!" Aggie laughs: "So, what brings you to the office?" Lorne: "Like you don't already know." Aggie: "Oh, I know. I just want to see what kind of spin you're gonna put on it." Lorne: "Dimensional portals. Psychic hotspots. I need to find one." Aggie: "Why?" Lorne: "Ah, some friends of mine are going on a little trip." Aggie: "Hm, I see. And the big flashing neon warning light in your aura means what?" Lorne: "Eat at Joe's. - So, can you help me pin down a hotspot?" Aggie: "No." Lorne kind of deflates and sits down. Lorne: "Got to admit, I didn't see *that* coming." Aggie: "I'm getting all these ugly conflict vibes coming off you, Lorne. And they're all pointing at that portal." Lorne: "A-are you sure you're not just seeing the chili I had for lunch yesterday because, whohoo, you wanna talk about conflict! (She just looks at him and he leaves off the joke) They need the hotspot because they're going to Pylea, my home dimension." Aggie: "And you're not going with them?" Lorne: "Hey, I'd rather have a hydrochloric acid facial. I'd rather invite a hive of wasps to nest in my throat. I'd rather sit through a junior high school production of Cats! - You see where I'm going with this?" Aggie: "Not Pylea." Lorne: "Exactamondo." Aggie: "Well, it's too bad then. Now they'll never rescue the girl." Lorne: "Come again?" Aggie sighs: "I can find your hotspot, Lorne, but on one condition: you've got to go with them. (Lorne shakes his head) It's the only way you'll ever resolve all those issues that are clouding up your aura, I can see it! - And be honest. Deep down you've always known you'd have to take that one last trip home." Lorne: "It's the 'last' that scares me." Aggie: "Well, sometimes the journey is taken simply because - it must be taken. - Is that vague enough for you?" Lorne: "Is that what I sound like? Eeesh. No *wonder* people complain." Angel is pacing in the lobby of the Hyperion. Wesley: "I suppose I could try a binding spell of some kind. Something to fuse us together as we enter the portal." Angel: "Good. Let's do that. Let's..." Wesley: "However, we could emerge on the other side as a freakishly hybridized Siamese twin." Angel: "Keep looking?" Wesley: "You know this is the third reference I've seen to iron or metal. Could be a clue as to how to prevent us from scattering." Angel: "What, we handcuff ourselves together? Who do we know that has handcuffs?" Wesley: "Well, I - wouldn't know. And anyway, I don't think handcuffs would work." Angel: "What will work, Wesley? It's been twelve hours since she's been sucked through that portal. There is no telling what could have happened by now. - What do you want?" We see that two men in business suits carrying briefcases have entered. Park: "Angel. Good afternoon." Angel: "Lawyers. Don't you people sleep during the day?" Park: "I'm Gavin Park. This is my associate, Mr. Hayes. We represent Wolfram and..." Angel: "Already bored." Park: "We've come to appraise the hotel." Angel: "What?" Park: "Correct me if I'm wrong, but your lease expires in six months and Wolfram and Hart is interested in purchasing this building." Angel: "You got to be kidding me. You guys - couldn't get me to turn evil, so now you wanna evict me? You know, they're trying to annoy me to death." Park: "We'd like to take a walk around the place if you don't mind." Angel in vamp face: "You think I mind?' Hayes can't help but stare a little, but Park shows no reaction. Park: "Very well. We'll notify the real estate company of your non-compliance. They should send you a notice of obligation. After that if you still refuse to cooperate, well, - I'm sure that somewhere in your lease agreement there *must* be one or two loop holes to be - exploited." Park and Hayes turn to leave and Angel morphs back into human face, and rolls his head around. Angel to Wesley: "How quick can we get out of this world?" Wesley: "Hm." Cordy, now wearing some ragged indigenous clothing, is in a stable shoveling flehegna manure and talking to herself. Cordy: "I wanna go home. I wanna be in my bed. I wanna - order some Thai food and read the latest issue of Marie Claire. I wanna be doing anything but shoveling demon horse poop!" She yelps as her collar zaps her. Cordy: "That woman has ears like a bat! (Grabs her collar) There's got to be a way to get this thing off." Voice: "Don't do that!" Cordy jumps and takes her hands off her collar, then looks for the source of the voice. Cordy: "Who's there? (Steps into the empty box behind her) What do you want?" Voice: "I forget. It's not important. But - but if you take the collar off, bad things will happen to your head." Cordy spots a hole in the wooden wall of the empty box and the ragged girl from the plaza peeking through it. Fred: "Like - it'll implode. So don't take the collar off, okay? Cause-cause I can't talk to you if you don't have a head, okay?" Cordy: "Okay. A-are you a human?" Fred: "Keep-keep shoveling! Go shovel." Fred glances around furtively as Cordy obediently picks up her shovel. Fred: "Where did you come from?" Cordy: "Los Angeles. How long have you been here?" Fred: "I was born here. I-I mean, not really. I j-just... some-sometimes I think I was. I mean, I don't think it was my thought. I forget certain words. How'd you get here?" Cordy: "Hold on. Why don't you tell me where here is first?" Fred: "Pylea. Keep shoveling! Geez! (Cordy grabs the shovel again and pretends to shovel her head still close to the hole) Another dimension. You're lost. I can tell. So many of us are lost even there. But - but it's true. I'm not crazy. Well, crazy, but I'm not wrong. Cordy: "So, how do I get out of here?" Fred lets out something between a laugh and a sob. Fred: "Oh. I forgot. Laughing. (Glances around) You don't. They use you as a slave. Then your body gives - zip! - Gone." Cordy: "Well, that's not happening to me, okay? I have friends back in LA. They're gonna come rescue me. Any time now." Fred: "I tried to get back. I didn't have the mass, which is strange because... How'd you get here?" Cordy: "I'm pretty sure I, ah, I was sucked in by a portal." Fred: "A - a portal?" Cordy: "Yeah." Fred: "Where was it?" Before Cordy can answer we hear a male voice yelling: "Fugitive!" Fred: "Oh no!" Fred turns to run. Two demon men wearing the standard Pylea drab clothing run after her, while a third, wearing what looks like a uniform remains standing in the middle of the stable hallway. Men: "There she is. Get her! Get her!" Cordy: "What's going on?" The two men drag a struggling Fred back to the uniformed guy. Cordy: "What's going on?" Another drab clad man grabs Cordy and pulls her out into the hallway. Narwek: "On your face, cow. On the floor." Cordy: "No! No!" The guy pushes her facedown on the floor. Fred: "Let go of me. Stop! Stop!" The constable, who is of the same race as the host takes a hold of Fred's collar. Narwek: "A disabled collar. Clever little cow. You should have stayed in the woods!" Motions and the two demon men holding her drag her out of the stable. Fred: "Let go! Let go!" Cordy: "Wait!" Narwek: "Facedown!" The guy standing over Cordy pushes her face back down into the dirt. After watching her for a moment to make sure she stays that way the constable and the other guy follow the others out of the stable. Angel is sitting at Wesley's desk, the phone receiver lying on the table next to him. Angel: "So as soon as Wes solves our scattering problem, we'll be leaving. Don't know if we'll be coming back. - It's eleven sixteen. Cordy's been gone for almost twenty-four hours now. - I think I covered everything. - Oh. The mortgage for the hotel - is under the company name. The lease is up on six months, at least that's what they tell me, so... I guess that's it. - Take care of yourself." Angel reaches over and pushes the off-button on the phone. The host appears in the door to Wesley's office. Lorne: "How you're holding up?" Angel: "I wanna go bad. I'm just waiting for Wes to have that Eureka moment." Wes from off screen: "Eureka!" Angel gets up: "Oh, jeez. Thank god." Lorne: "You mean he actually really says Eureka?" Wesley comes running into the office. Wesley: "I know how to get us through the portal!" Angel: "Good. Let's go!" Angel and Wes run out of the office with the host following more slowly. Cordy is trailing after Vakma through the village market, loaded down with bags and buckets. Vakma seems to be wearing Cordy's belt as a headband. She stops to talk to a green-faced, horned vendor. Vakma: "Gimme six packets of hefroot, four queeks, a bottle of flip liquor, and a spatula." Cordy: "Uhm, Vakma? Is it... earlier that-that girl in the barn..." Vakma: "Shut up, Cow! Trensiduf of the Gathwok Clan was right. You talk too much. And you're about to spill my viper's milk." Cordy: "Well, I-I'm sorry. It's just if I wasn't carrying every... (Scrunches up her face and begins to sway) Oh, no." Vakma: "Stand up straight, cow. That milk is worth more than you are." Cordy topples as she is hit by a vision. Vakma: "Bad Cow! Bad!" Blurry pictures of a Drokken and a screaming demon man. Cordy: "A Drokken. It's attacking one of your villagers, near the forest, by a-a big, yellow rock." A ring of villagers has formed around her, some the pale-skinned demon people, others green-skinned, some of them dressed in the type of armor Landok was wearing. Cordy: "Isn't anyone gonna ask if I'm okay?" Vakma points at her: "Cursed! My cow is cursed!" Cordy, still sitting on the ground holds up a hand to try and ward off the pitchforks aimed at her. Cordy: "No, wait. Wait. It's not a curse! This villager, You *have* to go save him, or the Drokken will..." Trails off as the crowd waves swords and pitch forks at her, chanting 'cursed, cursed.' LA, night, Angel's convertible, Wesley in the passenger seat, Lorne in the back slowly drives up the street. Lorne: "Here. Stop here." Angel stops the car. Angel: "Here? Isn't this a movie studio?" Lorne: "It makes a certain kind of sense, no? - Anyway, this is where Aggie said it was. And Aggie is never wrong when it comes to hotspots. She was doing sky bar way before Brad and Jennifer. - Anyway - you got the book? (Wesley holds it up) Good. Hold that puppy tight, okay? It's bad enough I got to cross over. The last thing I wanna do is to be stuck on the other side, waiting for a mystical locksmith." Wesley: "Alright then. (Looks over at Angel) I suppose we should probably begin." Angel nods, then: "Should I... - you know, I don't know, maybe put the top up?" Wesley: "Shouldn't be necessary. If I'm right, we only require a metal enclosure on four sides in order to ensure that we travel through the portal together. The car, top up or down, should do it. - I'm almost positive." Angel puts a hand on the book in Wesley's lap. Angel: "Almost." Wesley: "Ninety - six percent. (Angel kind of sinks down in his seat) Well, it's not like I've ever done this before! And with the time factor I'm under a great deal of..." Gunn: "Oh, suck it up, English." Gunn hops over the side of the car into the backseat behind Angel. Wesley: "Gunn. How did you..?" Gunn looks at Angel: "Got a phone message. Sounded like the captain of the Titanic getting ready to go down with the ship." Wesley looks at Angel. Angel: "I-I just though - that someone on this side - should - know the details - in case..." Lorne: "A backup man! Terrific idea! Well, now that he's going, I suppose someone should stay here, mind the store. Don't worry, I'm not disappointed. Just get me something nice to..." Lorne tries to get up out of the car, but the other three each put a hand out to push him back down and chorus 'shut up.' Wesley: "Everyone set?" Gunn: "Let's get a move on." Wesley: "Right. (Opens the book) Here goes. - Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt!" Gunn stares as the portal begins to form in front of them. Gunn: "Cool." Angel: "Ninety-six percent, huh?" Wesley: "Give or take." Angel: "Okay, gentlemen, take a good look around." All of them buckle up. Angel: "Now say good-bye!" Looks over at Wesley, then guns the car for the portal. As the car disappears into the swirly hole the book drops onto the street behind it, smoking ever so slightly. Break Angel's convertible lands on the grassy ground between some trees on sunny Pylea, the screams of the passengers resonating through the air, then comes to a screeching halt. Angel jumps in his seat. Angel: "The sun. Daylight. Quick. Hand me a blanket. Hand me a blanket or I'm gonna catch on fire!" Wesley scrambles for a blanket as Angel tries to pull up his leather jacket to cover his head. Angel: "Hand me a blanket! I'm gonna catch on fire!" Wesley hands him a blanket but instead of taking it, Angel looks down at his hands, then around himself. Angel: "Why am I not on fire?" Gunn: "Yo, that was phat!" Wesley: "Well, it is another dimension. Perhaps their sun..." Lorne: "Back up, Copernicus. (Points to the sky) That's suns. Plural." Everyone looks up at the two suns up in the sky. Wesley: "Suns. Yes. Well, perhaps they don't have the same effect on vampires." Wesley reaches out to pinch Angel's cheek, making him jump and turn in his seat. Angel: "Hey! Watch it. Alright?" Wesley pinches Angel's cheek. Angel: "Hey!" Angel slaps his hand down then retaliates by pinching Wesley. Wesley: "Fascinating!" Gunn: "Did you all see the street do that bendy thing?" Angel to Lorne: "So, we made it then. This is your world." Lorne: "Oh yes. Home sweet hell." Angel: "Ha! I'm not on fire." Wesley: "And we're together. (Look down at himself then at Lorne and Gunn in the backseat) And we didn't merge into some freakish, four-men Siamese twin!" Gunn: "That was a risk? How come nobody told me that was a risk?" Angel jumps up to stand on his seat and spreads his arms looking up at the suns. Angel: "Can everyone just notice how much fire I'm not on?" Lorne: "Yeah, it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood alright. Now, may I suggest we find some way to hide the car? It'll be a little conspicuous, seeing as we don't have convertibles in this world. Or you know, cars." They all climb out over the sides of the car. Gunn: "Wonder if this is where Cordy came through." Wesley: "Could be. Angel: "Let's start gathering some branches, some brush. Anything to cover up the car. Oh, hey, look. There is some over in that patch of sun. I'll get them!" Runs off. Reaches down to pick up the branches, but instead turns to bask in the suns, taking a deep breath. Gunn to Wes: "Hey, I'll give it to you. Trip into an alternate universe? Pretty damn cool." He and Wes do an elaborate handshake ritual. Gunn: "But I wanna find Cordy, quick." Lorne: "Me too. Well, I-I mean for her sake of course. - If I know Pylea, she could probably use a friend right about now." Cordy is dropped face down on the floor of a big room with a vaulted ceiling, illuminated by torches stuck in wall-sconces. There are villagers crowded along the walls. Cordy, her hands bound behind her back, slowly works herself into a sitting position. Cordy: "Uhm, I'd just like to say - that I don't know anything about a curse. Okay? I just have these visions that..." She notices some of the villagers turn to stare at her. Cordy: "I don't get them very often." Narwek enters: "We found the body out by Dester's rock. A Drokken beast had fed on his flesh." Cordy: "Oh god, it's you. Look, I'm really sorry about that. Honest. But I didn't make it happen, I just saw it." Narwek: "Before it had come to pass." Cordy: "Exactly." Narwek: "It is the curse!" Cordy: "No. No curse. Just visions. They're not dangerous. I use them to help people." Deep voice: "Enough." A red-robbed, red-faced demon steps forward. Silas: "We must discover beyond all doubt if this girl is cursed with the sight. We will commence the test." Cordy: "Test. But I haven't studied. - Not much with the humor, are you, guys?" Silas: "Bring forth the instrument." Two red-robes carry in a table with various instruments on it. Silas picks up a big awl and holds it up. Silas: "Now we shall see if you are truly cursed, my child. - I pray you are not." Cordy: "Please. Please. I'll keep them to myself. I'll never mention them again. Please no. No! No!" Cordy leans back as far as she can as Silas comes closer and begins to scream. Cordy: "Help me! Help!" Angel: "This should do it. Are you ready?" The guys cover the car with branches. Lorne: "Yeah. I think we're only a couple miles from town, but we'll have to walk it." Angel: "No problem here, walking in the sun. Hey, do it all the time." Wesley claps Angel on the back: "Yes, we're all heartily aware that you're not on fire. - Shall we go?" Wes starts to follow the host then calls back over his shoulder: "Don't forget the book." Angel freezes. Wesley: "What's wrong?" Angel: "I just don't think that's funny." Wesley: "I wasn't trying to be... What?" Angel: "Wesley, I don't have the book." Lorne: "What?!" Angel points at Wesley: "You had the book." Wesley: "I don't have the book." Gunn: "Who had the book?" Angel says 'Wesley' as Wes says 'Angel.' Wes and Angel speaking together: "No, I didn't. - Yes you did!" Lorne: "Whoa. Ho, ho, whoa. Did we *look* in the car?" Angel: "There is nothing there. I checked it before we started hiding it to make sure we didn't leave anything." Lorne: "Oh! Like say the *book*!" Wesley: "Hold on. The book was in the car. That much we know. But, but perhaps - perhaps its only function is to open portals *to* Pylea. In which case it would be useless *in* Pylea and therefore - it only exists in our own dimension." Lorne: "Oh. You know, ordinarily I handle bad news really well. I just drown my sorrows in an ice-cold gin and tonic, little squeeze of lime, except where they don't *have* them here!" Angel: "Guys. Guys. You guys. We'll figure out another way to get back. We will. But right now we gotta find Cordelia, okay? That's why we're here, right? - She needs us. - Let's go." They all walk off together. Wesley: "You grabbed the book when..." Lorne: "I can't believe..." Cordy is lying curled up on the floor of the big room, with the people around her waiting. Silas steps forward. Silas: "The tests are complete. It is the unanimous decision of the covenant that the girl - is afflicted. (The crowd begins to shift and murmur) She carries the curse of the sight." Silas nods at his fellow red-robes and two of them pick Cordy up and drag her out of the room. Angel and the others have reached town and are making their way down a narrow, shadowed alley. Lorne: "Just remember, keep your heads down. Xenophobia kind of a watch-word where I'm from." Gunn: "I don't get it. Why're they afraid of Xena? I mean, I think she's kind of fly." Wesley: "Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners?" Gunn: "Oh. Then can we pretend I didn't just say that?" They stop at the end of the alley and Lorne points at a house across the street. Lorne: "Now, right over there is Blix's house -- a boyhood chum of mine. Ah, we were the best of buds, always playing games, watching out for each other, close as a Torto demon and its parasite. (Off their looks) I'll make the approach. You three stay here -- we gotta keep a low profile." Angel: "Why?" Lorne: "Because otherwise you might get beaten to death with sticks. Be right back." The host quickly makes his way across the street to the house and enters it. A moment later we hear a scream ring out and the host comes running back out his former best but chasing after him with an ax in his hand. Blix: "What?! - Traitor! Deserter! Betrayer!" Lorne as he runs past the others: "We should run. Now!" Blix continues screams attract the attention of others, dressed in the same hero garb that Landok was wearing. They draw their swords and join Blix in chasing down the alley as the others Angel and the others turn to run after the host. They run out into the market pursued by the screams of traitor and betrayer. Lorne hesitates for a moment then indicates a new direction. They run out onto the plaza where Cordy was sold earlier, only to find warriors closing in on them from all sides. Men: "Cease them!" Angel: "Hey, what now? Where do we go now?" Lorne: "Probably to the nearest dungeon. We're surrounded." Break [SCENE_BREAK] Wesley: "We've been through a lot together, fellows. Fought a lot of fights. Faced some pretty steep odds." Gunn to Angel: "I take the twenty on the left, you take the fifty on the right." Angel: "Okay." And with that they engage the warriors surrounding them. And since for some reason the Pyleans only come at them one at a time, they don't do too badly. Wesley jumps up on the block, twirling a sword he just liberated from one of their pursuers. Wesley: "I think we're winning!" Smash cut to the four of them bound and on their knees in the dirt in front of the block. A two-wheeled chariot, drawn by two horses pulls into the plaza. Narwek gets out of it with a sigh. Narwek: "Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan." Lorne: "Constable Narwek. Lovely to see you again. So, how've you been?" Narwek: " Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan, you have returned. - Why?" Lorne: "Actually I've been asking myself that very same question." Narwek: "Who are these cow-scum. You are all dressed - very strangely." Fingers the collar of Gunn's jacket and Gunn pulls away. Lorne: "They're not cow-scum. They're humans and they're my friends." Narwek: "Cows are not friends. They are creatures of labor. Beasts of burden, no more! I do not know where you have been, Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan, but it is *clear* that you have abandoned the teachings of your people. (To some of the bucket-helmeted Warriors that accompanied him) Take him away. We will begin interrogations immediately." Lorne turns to look at Angel, kneeling beside him, as the guards grab him under his arms and drag him away. Angel: "Wait! You can't do this." Lorne as he's being dragged away: "What? Hey, watch it guys!" Narwek: "You dare to use your tongue in *my* presence?" Hauls back and kicks Angel between the legs. Angel doubles over with a slight groan. Narwek: "Unworthy trash." Angel forces himself back upright. Three warriors come and pull all three of them to their feet. Narwek: "For the crime of assault - against those judged to be your betters - you are to be detained until our royal highness passes sentence upon you." Gunn: "I'm guessing community service is out." Narwek glares at Gunn who raises his chin a little. Narwek steps in front of Gunn and hits him hard in the stomach. Angel tries to come to his aid but is restrained by some of the warriors. Wesley looks down, not moving. Gunn coughs and slowly straightens back up. Gunn: "Too bad. I really like those orange vests." Narwek hits him with a hard right across the chin. Gunn spins around, manages to catch himself against the block. Wesley: "Gunn, stop." Narwek moves to stand in front of Wesley, who meets his eyes without flinching. Narwek: "Put these things away." Some of the warriors lead them away. Silas in a dark room illuminated by torches. Silas: "Time has arrived my brethren. - She is indeed cursed with the sight. - Measures must be taken. - Blood must be spilled." Wes, Gunn and Angel are in a bare cell. Gunn is sitting on the straw-covered ground, grunting as he tries to break the chain connecting the shackles on his wrists. All three of them have their wrists and ankles shackled. Gunn: "It's no use. This thing's made out of some magical alloy." Wesley: "Really? (Looks at his chains) How can you tell?" Gunn: "I can't. I'm just making myself feel better." Wesley drops his hands: "Oh." Gunn levers himself back to his feet. Wesley to Angel: "You found anything yet?" Angel steps back from the door. Angel: "Sealed up tight. Got to be at least six - seven inches thick at least. You?" Wesley: "No. No, these impenetrable stone walls are proving to be rather..." Gunn: "You say impenetrable and I will kick your ass." Wesley: "I was always horrified by those stories about the tower of London." Angel: "Wasn't that bad." Wes and Gunn turn to look at Angel. Wesley: "Yes? - Well, compared to this place I'm sure the tower takes on a certain - nostalgic glow. I wonder if they're treating the host any better." Angel pushes himself off the wall and moves over to the door. Gunn: "Well, sure. The way that constable said interrogation I figure he's just in for a little light wrist slapping. - That - or he's dead." Angel: "Shut up." Gunn: "Well, I ain't saying it's *not* wrist slapping." Angel: "No, shut up." Angel presses his ear against the door and the other two hurriedly shuffle over to him, their chains clinking. Gunn: "How we're supposed to hear anything..." Angel waves him off impatiently. Angel: "I can hear two men talking in the hall." Gunn looks at Wes. Wesley whispers: "Vampire." Angel: "Talking about a girl with visions." Gunn: "Cordy!" Angel: "A covenant - a curse - something about testing the girl for sight. - They said she screamed." Wesley, quietly: "Those *bastards*!" Angel: "They're about to take us to a castle. - We're gonna be sentenced." Wes and Gunn exchange a look. Angel pushes away from the door. Angel: "They're coming." The three of them hastily hop-shuffle away from the door. The little window in the door is opened and a helmeted guard peers in. Seeing the three of them standing at the back of the cell, he opens the door. Guard: "Out, prisoners!" Wes and co. slowly shuffle out the door. As they walk down the hallway we can hear whip cracks, each one followed by a scream. Angel quietly: "Be ready." We get an outside shot of a castle on a hill overlooking the village. The host turns as the guards lead Angel and the others up a corridor to where he is standing. Lorne: "Oh. Am I glad to see you. - And so much less dead than I expected." Angel: "What did they do to you/" Lorne: "Oh, well, first there was the welcome home parade thrown in my honor. (Holds up his shackled hands) Ticker tape, streamers. Honestly, I'm so touched, I almost wept." Angel looks back at Wes and Gunn. Lorne: "Locked me in a room, pushed me around, asked a bunch of questions. Your standard film noir." Angel softly: "I think we might have a lead on Cordy." Lorne: "You found her?" Angel: "No. (Motions back to Wes and Gunn and they shuffle closer) I overheard two guys talking about a girls with visions. Said she was cursed." Lorne: "Yikes. I don't like the sound of *that*." Angel: "They mentioned something about a covenant? Ah, something about performing tests on her?" Wesley: "Angel, I hate to state the obvious, but we need to get out of here." Narwek comes up the corridor. Narwek: "Silence. Krevlorneswath of the Deathwok clan, you and the cow-trash are not to speak." Lorne: "Ah, de-bunch your panties, Narwek." Narwek: "You - are a traitor to your home. You abandoned your life-giver, betrayed your people and now you consort with these - animals. - I *will* take great pleasure in watching them kill *you* slowly." Angel softly: "They take us in separately or together?" Lorne: "What?" Angel: "Separately or together. Quickly. We don't have much time." Lorne: "I don't know! I've never been sentenced to death before - together?" Angel: "Listen up." Narwek to one of the guards: "After that, drag the bodies to the village square. We will hang their corpses as a warning. - Prisoners! They day of judgement has arrived. Approach! The venerable monarch of Pylea, General of the Ravenous Legion, Eater of Our Enemy's Flesh, Prelate of the Sacrificial Blood Rites, and Sovereign Proconsul of Death, is prepared to pass sentence on upon you." Angel softly: "One." Narwek to guards: "Open the doors." The guards open the doors and lead the prisoners forward. Angel: "Two." As they step through the doors, Angel suddenly turns and slams his shackled fists into the stomach of the nearest guard as the others also attack the guards around them. They are interrupted by a loud throat clearing, They turn to look and all of them freeze in their tracks, their eyes going wide, their mouths dropping open. They stare at - Cordy - sitting on a throne, surrounded by courtiers, wearing a skimpy, shimmery outfit and crown. Cordy: "Hi, guys."

After Cordy is swept through a portal, Angel and Wes are desperate to get her back. They come up with a plan to go to Pylea after her. Since it's Lorne's home dimension, they insist that he come along. Gunn is hesitant to go when Wes says that they might never be able to get back to earth. Meanwhile on Pylea, Cordy is sold as a "cow" and meets up with another portal refugee, Fred. Then Cordy has a vision and things become even more complicated for her.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x03

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x03_0

Planet of Giants [SCENE_BREAK] By Louis Marks 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1, INT: TABLETOP (Ian ventures out of the briefcase where he and Barbara have found themselves again, Barbara joins him. Ian squints into the distance.) IAN: Barbara, he's standing at the sink. I can see him standing at the sink. He's turned the tap on! [SCENE_BREAK] 2, INT: DRAINPIPE (The Doctor and Susan huddle together in beneath the plug as they hear water flood the sink above them.) DOCTOR: Quickly Susan, into the overflow pipe! (The Doctor and Susan rush over to the small crevice to the side of the pipe.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3, INT: LABORATORY (Smithers fills the sink half full and washes his hands. He then pulls out the plug and walks off. With a gurgling sound the water spirals away into the drain.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4, INT: DRAINPIPE (Susan and the Doctor press themselves against the far wall in the safety of the overflow pipe as a torrent of water gushes downwards. After the water has gone Susan breathes a sigh of relief.) DOCTOR: They've put the plug back in again. SUSAN: Oh at least we're safe here. DOCTOR: Yeah. If they fill that sink with any more water... SUSAN: Yes of course! It'll come in here, down the overflow pipe! DOCTOR: Exactly! [SCENE_BREAK] 5, INT: TABLETOP/SINKTOP/SINK (Ian and Barbara huddle behind the dish of seeds. They hear a long drawn out series of low thuds.) IAN: I'm getting used to these sounds. I think that last one must have been the door closing. BARBARA: Are you sure they have gone? IAN: I'm not sure of anything Barbara. BARBARA: Ian, the Doctor and Susan, they must have been drowned. IAN: We don't know. We must go and find out. (Ian moves across over to the sinktop, skips over the edge of the sink and climbs down the plug-chain. Barbara moves to follow him. She struggles a little at the top, Ian keeps climbing down.) IAN VO: Stay up there if you want to. BARBARA: No I'm coming with you. IAN VO: Alright. BARBARA: Hey, you go on. (Ian reaches sink level and looks up. Satisfying himself that Barbara is alright, he moves to the plughole and peers down. Seeing nothing he walks around and peers down again. Barbara lands and moves over to where Ian is kneeling peering into the gaping maw of the plughole.) BARBARA: Anything? IAN: No. Too dark to see. I'm afraid there's not much hope Barbara. (They get up and Barbara walks across the sink a little dazed.) BARBARA: What do we do? I mean, that's it, what can we do? (A familiar voice interrupts the morbid silence.) SUSAN: Knew they'd be alright Grandfather! BARBARA: Susan! IAN: I don't believe it! DOCTOR: There we are you see, my friends. You can't get rid of us as easily as all that, eh! (Susan laughs as she, Barbara and Ian helps Doctor up and they reunite themselves.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6, INT: STUDY (Smithers is sitting in an armchair smoking a cigarette and Forester is sitting at a desk. Forester holds up a sheaf of papers.) FORESTER: Yeah...there we are. The report is ready. SMITHERS: Alright. Well what are you doing now? FORESTER: The report itself isn't final enough, Farrow would have telephoned it in to his department. SMITHERS: But you can't do that! You'll give yourself away! They'll know it isn't him speaking! FORESTER: You leave this side of it to me. (Forester hushes Smithers with a wave of his hand.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7, INT: POST OFFICE (The interior of the Post office is a muddle, quite plainly spilling into the living space of the house. On the rear wall is a set of half filled pigeon holes, and a stack of crates and various rolls of paper. Through the door is the back of the post office counter. To the front of the room there is a relatively clear desk accommodating an assortment of paper and rubber stamps and chair upon which a policeman's jacket is draped. Beside a large piece of telephone-exchange equipment in the corner a woman of autumnal years sits reading a paper. As the machine buzzes repeatedly, she lays aside her paper and plugs a receiver into the exchange.) HILDA: Stranger operator here. Hello? Yes. London, yes... Whitehall. W-H-I. Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] 8, INT: STUDY FORESTER: ...Eight-seven. Thank you. SMITHERS: How do you know who to speak to? FORESTER: I've been dealing with these people for years. [SCENE_BREAK] 9, INT: POST OFFICE HILDA: Three-eight-seven? Yes, hold on, I've a call for you. Go ahead please. (In the background a rather portly "Dixon of Dock-Green" type shambles through the back of the post office counter, and enters the exchange room, adjusting at the sleeves of his neat white shirt.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10, INT: STUDY FORESTER: Hello is Mr Whitmore there please? Arnold Farrow speaking. Yes. Oh hello, how are you? Good, I'll hold on. (He covers the receiver with his hand.) FORESTER: The secretary asked me how I was. Told you it would be alright! [SCENE_BREAK] 11, INT: POST OFFICE (Hilda is sitting at the exchange idly listening in to the call.) HILDA: Doesn't sound like Mr Farrow at all! (The man takes the Policeman's jacket from the chair and pulls it on.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12, INT: STUDY FORESTER: The tests are very satisfactory, I'm sending in my report. Hah-ha, yes it is a bad line isn't it? Well... I would say that DN6 as they call it is about a sixty percent improvement on normal insecticide. Yes, I know I'm not usually so enthusiastic, but this is really extraordinary! Mm, crossing over to France tonight. And I'll send in the report, will you send in the authorisation? Good, I'll tell Forester. Yes, goodbye. SMITHERS: Well? FORESTER: Perfect. As soon as they get the r-report, we'll get the go ahead. [SCENE_BREAK] 13, INT: TABLETOP (A little way along the table Ian comes across a huge writing pad covered in scribbles.) IAN: Certainly wasn't here before. SUSAN: Half drawing and half writing. Ian it's a formula! IAN: Yes, I believe you're right Susan! BARBARA: Do you think it's the formula to the insecticide, Doctor? DOCTOR: Perhaps. BARBARA: Well if it is it can tell us what we're fighting against, we might even find a cure. DOCTOR: A cure?! What's the good of that? BARBARA: I dunno... IAN: Well neither do I, if we're going to do anything at all we must stop it! SUSAN: Yes, Ian's right, Barbara. You only need a cure if someone's infected, what we've got to do it to stop it being produced. BARBARA: Yes alright! DOCTOR: Well I think we should take a closer look at this oversized document, the more we know about the enemy, the better. IAN: Well those things up there are definitely molecular structures. DOCTOR: Yes you're quite right, my boy. I only wish I could see it more with a whole... BARBARA: Well couldn't we, ah, lever it up in some way, stand back and have a look at it? DOCTOR: Mm-mm. SUSAN: Yes, it would be like a huge advertising poster wouldn't it? IAN: I'm afraid it's far too heavy, we'd never lift it. DOCTOR: Let me have the notebook, child. No, we shall have to make a map of this. Now Chesterton, you start marking off a section with your feet, will you? IAN: Yeah. DOCTOR: And Susan and Barbara, I want you to call out to me what you see written beneath you. [SCENE_BREAK] (Fades to black, then fades in again with the Doctor examining his notebook curiously.) [SCENE_BREAK] DOCTOR: Yes, yes. This is the insecticide quite clearly. A bit rough of course, but it tells us the story. (The Doctor hands the book to Ian who examines it.) IAN: Yeah. I'm not very well up in this Doctor, but, er, isn't that phosphoric acid? (The Doctor points to the book.) DOCTOR: Now this indicates the amount of organic esters... IAN: Yeah, and this is mineral nitrates... DOCTOR: Mm-hm. IAN: And... Ah, that's about as far as I go I'm afraid. DOCTOR: My dear boy this formula's quite clear look, with one vital difference. The inventor has made the insecticide everlasting! SUSAN: That means it would seep into the soil. IAN: Get into the drinking water. BARBARA: Er, what about human beings? DOCTOR: Well given sufficient quantity of course it's capable of killing human beings. BARBARA: Yes, if-if they drink and eat infected food and water. DOCTOR: Yes, or even coming in contact with it. IAN: Penetrating the skin to get into the bloodstream. BARBARA: Oh then why do we go on just sitting..! DOCTOR: Now, now, now, my dear. Gently, gently. BARBARA: I'm sorry. SUSAN: Barbara, are you alright? BARBARA: Yes, I-I feel a bit giddy. I-I think I must be hungry. DOCTOR: Now there's another point to consider my dear boy, eating - we can't! Even if we do find food here. IAN: Yes, well, the less we talk about food the more I'll like it. DOCTOR: We can go back to the sink of course, the water in the tap is quite safe. IAN: Well, there's no need for all of us to go. I'll go and fetch some. DOCTOR: Ah, but I want to go into that direction. You see, there's something over there that might be the solution to all this business. IAN: Oh what's that? DOCTOR: A telephone, my dear, mm? IAN: Ah. Come on then, let's go. (Fades to black.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14, INT: TABLETOP (We fade in to the TARDIS crew standing before an ordinary black bakelite telephone that could happily house one or two families inside it. To one side is a gaping hole where a cloth wire is fed into the body of the phone, and to the side, bunches and bunches of extension is piled up beside the phone in a spongy staircase.) IAN: Mm, it's climbable. SUSAN: Yes. The thing is my boy, how heavy is that receiver mm? IAN: Ehh. SUSAN: Grandfather, DOCTOR: Mm? (Barbara and Susan walk over carrying a cork between them.) SUSAN: I think I've got just the thing, look. We can push this underneath the receiver. DOCTOR: Mm. BARBARA: Yes, there are..there are, there are lots more over there. (Barbara wobbles on her feet.) IAN: Hey, are you alright? BARBARA: Yes, I'm fine. I told you, I haven't eaten for ages, I-I think that's what it must be. Don't make a fuss! IAN: Well Susan, ah, you and I will do the climbing, eh? SUSAN: Yes alright. IAN: Ah, Doctor? DOCTOR: Ah? IAN: Pass this up to Susan, and she can then pass it on up to me. DOCTOR: Very well. IAN: Right, I'll get started. (Ian and Susan climb up the mounds of cloth telephone wire by the side of the phone.) SUSAN: Can you manage alright? IAN: Yes, I can make it. DOCTOR: Oh, er, oh Barbara, would you mind bringing another one of these, please? (He hefts a cork on his own, and with a very great effort he heaves it up to Susan who struggles it up to Ian.) DOCTOR: Ah, thanks my dear. You look very tired. BARBARA: Yes I am a bit. DOCTOR: Well we can manage. You just sit down and rest for a while, mm? (Ian stands high up on the telephone plate opposite the receiver, and places the first cork down and dusts his hands.) IAN: Right you'd better all come up now. SUSAN VO: COMING! Grandfather! Barbara! (The Doctor and Susan appear up on the plate.) DOCTOR: Do you think er, we three could manage eh? IAN: Why? DOCTOR: Well, I don't think Barbara's quite up to it. IAN: Oh alright, well we can try. BARBARA: It's alright, I'm here. IAN: Ah good. Now listen Susan, we're going to try and lift this end. SUSAN: Mm-hm. IAN: Now you, when we get it lifted up, push this cork underneath. SUSAN: Alright. IAN: Alright. SUSAN: Yes. IAN: Now, you ready? DOCTOR: Yes yes yes yes. IAN: Barbara? BARBARA: Yes IAN: Right, now, lift! (They all heave at the telephone receiver, but it doesn't budge. They heave again and it wobbles.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15, INT: LABORATORY (The left end of the telephone moves slightly.) [SCENE_BREAK] 16, INT: TABLETOP BARBARA: Ah... DOCTOR: Oh! IAN: Quickly! (Just as they are about to drop the receiver again, Susan slips a cork under it. They all breathe again in succession.) IAN: Ah! SUSAN: Ah! DOCTOR: Ah! SUSAN: Oh goodness! IAN: Right, DOCTOR: Uh! BARBARA: Whew! IAN: We'll try the other end now. Now we... (Ian moves to the opposite end and lifts the cork up.) IAN: Uh.. There, there we are! Same thing Susan. (Susan holds the cork in place.) SUSAN: Uh, thank you, thank... IAN: Ready now? Lift! [SCENE_BREAK] 17, INT: LABORATORY (The right end of the telephone moves this time.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18, INT: TABLETOP SUSAN: Uh..Right..oh! IAN: Oh! SUSAN: Uh! Oh. We did it! (Susan and the others rest for a while, all exhausted by the effort of lifting the receiver a little way.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19, INT: POST OFFICE (The telephone exchange begins to buzz again, Bert is trying to read a paper, but not having much success.) BERT: Hilda! Come and answer this thing, it's driving me mad! (Hilda glances at the equipment as she enters.) HILDA: It's the old farmhouse again. (She sits down and struggles the headset on, then plugs herself in.) HILDA: Hello? Ah... What number do you want? [SCENE_BREAK] 20, INT: TABLETOP (Still on the plate, the three yell into the mouthpiece of the receiver as loud as they can and Barbara listens into the earpiece.) DOCTOR/IAN/SUSAN: CAN YOU HEAR US?!! HILDA: WOORRRRLLLLLL...WHHA..WORRLLLWHAAA...? (They stop for a moment, but Barbara doesn't really understand.) DOCTOR/IAN/SUSAN: PUT US THROUGH TO POLICE!! IAN: Any luck? BARBARA: No... No nothing at all. (Barbara pants heavily and falls to the floor of the receiver-plate.) IAN: We can't have failed after having tried so hard! DOCTOR: Yes I'm afraid that we have, and it's my fault. I thought it was worth trying! (He shakes his head sadly.) IAN: Well we must try again! DOCTOR: Ahh.. (He waves a dissuading hand.) SUSAN: Oh Ian, I don't think It'll do any good. IAN: Well we must try, we must try! I'll go and tell Barbara. (The Doctor Nods silently and Ian walks across the phone. Barbara is sitting down looking at her green stained hands trying to work off the insecticide with Ian's handkerchief, but not succeeding. She looks about to burst into tears when Ian turns up.) IAN: Hey! You've been overdoing things. BARBARA: Yes... Yes, I-I think I have. IAN: I'll go and get you some water it'll freshen you up, eh? BARBARA: Thank you (He moves to take the handkerchief, but Barbara snatches it away.) BARBARA: What are you doing? IAN: I want your handkerchief. I was going to... BARBARA: No! IAN: What's the matter? BARBARA: You can't have it, you mustn't touch it! IAN: Barbara! (The Doctor and Susan join them.) BARBARA: No-one must touch... (She keels over in a dead faint.) SUSAN: Barbara! (Very carefully the Doctor pulls out a pencil and picks up the handkerchief with it, he gives it a sniff and so does Ian.) DOCTOR: There, it's the same aroma! Insecticide. You didn't eat or drink anything? IAN: Well no, certainly not! (The Doctor takes hold of one of Barbara's wrists and examines her hand.) DOCTOR: Shes got insecticide on her hands, she touched it. IAN: Well she never told me, I never saw her do this! I... She did borrow my handkerchief. DOCTOR: Where were you then? IAN: By that pile of seeds. DOCTOR: Yes you sh, you see, she's got it on her hands! And she rubbed it off on your handkerchief! SUSAN: Oh... Why didn't she tell us?! IAN: You can help her can't you Doctor? SUSAN: Grandfather we can do something can't we? (Barbara's eyes flick open.) BARBARA: What happened? D-did I..? IAN: You fainted, that's all. BARBARA: The insecticide... Is that why I feel like this? DOCTOR: Yes. You got some of it on your hands and you didn't us tell anything about it! It was very wrong of you wasn't it? (Barbara sits up.) BARBARA: Am I... Am I? DOCTOR: No-no-no, no this little attack...experience is only temporary. SUSAN: Oh take it easy Barbara, (The Doctor moves aside as Susan helps Barbara over to one side .) DOCTOR: Look out. SUSAN: Come on Barbara take it easy IAN: Well what can we do for her? DOCTOR: Well it's urgent that we get her back to normal size, but, ah, at the moment her protective cells are too small to cope with the molecules of poison in her bloodstream. But if we can, that dosage of insecticide will be seventy times less dangerous, practically nothing at all! IAN: Are you sure? DOCTOR: Yes I'm quite sure. But we must get her back to the ship. IAN: What are we waiting for? (He moves over to Barbara.) IAN: How are you feeling? BARBARA: Ooh..a bit ropey. Ooh, could do with a glass of water. IAN: We're going to take you back to the ship. BARBARA: Alright, just give me a minute. IAN: Come on Barbara, we've got a long way to go. (He turns to the Doctor.) IAN: You can get us back to normal size? DOCTOR: Oho, yes! of course I can dear boy, yes, course I can... (Ian wanders off again. The Doctor sucks in his cheeks and looks concerned.) DOCTOR: I hope. [SCENE_BREAK] 21, INT: STUDY (Forester picks up the receiver of the telephone, and taps the plate a few times, puffing on a cigarette.) FORESTER: What the devil's wrong with this phone?! (He puts the receiver down, and jams a cigarette into his mouth, deep in thought.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22, INT: TABLETOP IAN: Barbara, you're ill. You've got to let us take you back to the ship. You could die! (He turns to the Doctor.) IAN: Doctor make her see some sense! DOCTOR: There's nothing I can say dear boy. Barbara's quite right. IAN: Susan? (Susan turns and hugs Barbara.) BARBARA: Ian we must find a way to stop this, we must! [SCENE_BREAK] 23, INT: STUDY (Forester slams the phone down onto the plate.) FORESTER: Any other phones around here? SMITHERS: Uh? Oh, yes, there's one in the lab next to the sink. FORESTER: Maybe that's where the trouble is. Perhaps the phone's off the hook or something? SMITHERS: Yes, I'll..I'll go and see. (He moves off.) SMITHERS: I want to have a look at Farrow's notes. FORESTER: Why? (Smithers leaves apparently not hearing him. He reaches into his pocket and withdraws his spudgun, flipping open the chamber, and then closing it again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24, INT: TABLETOP DOCTOR: Yeah, that's it, we'll cause trouble! Start a fire, my boy! IAN: Yes... Can we start a big enough one to do any real damage? DOCTOR: Well we can try anyway. Hah-ha, there's nothing like a good fire eh? Ha-ha-ha... Mm, hm-hm. (He looks amused.) IAN: What do you think Barbara BARBARA: I think it's a good idea. If we could manage to start a fire it would certainly attract people here. SUSAN: Yes! They'd might find that man's body! [SCENE_BREAK] 25, EXT: PATIO (Smithers and Forester walk from the door of the house to the door of the laboratory, and Smithers unlocks the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26, INT: TABLETOP (Ian Looks up and sees a gas tap.) IAN: Gas! That's it! SUSAN: What's it? IAN: If we could only turn it on. SUSAN: Well then what? IAN: I'll soon show you. (They hear a low rumbling sound and the all freeze like startled rabbits.) SUSAN: W-look out! IAN: Quick, behind this water tap! (They all scurry behind the tap.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27, INT: LABORATORY (Smithers and Forester enter the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28, INT: TABLETOP (The TARDIS crew slide behind a tap with their backs firmly pressed against the metal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29, INT: LABORATORY (Forester heads straight for the phone. He takes out the corks and examines one.) FORESTER: Who put these under the phone? (Smithers sniff his fingers.) SMITHERS: DN6..it's DN6! (He wipes his hands on a cloth.) FORESTER: Come on, I want an explanation! Why did you put these under the phone to stop me using it?! (The phone begins to ring.) SMITHERS: Oh that's not important now! FORESTER: Of course it's important! SMITHERS: Will you LISTEN to me?! (Forester picks up the phone.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30, INT: POST OFFICE HILDA: O-oh you've replaced your receiver have you Mr Smithers? FORESTER: This isn't Mr Smithers. The extension was left off, I'm sorry. HILDA: Is that Mr Farrow? [SCENE_BREAK] 31, INT: LABORATORY FORESTER: Farrow? No. HILDA: Oh the other gentleman, I see. Only I've a call for Mr Farrow. FORESTER: Oh, er..just a minute. [SCENE_BREAK] 32, INT: POST OFFICE BERT: Do you think that you ought to be doing this Hilda? HILDA: Shh, listen. [SCENE_BREAK] 33, INT: LABORATORY (Forester places a handkerchief over the receiver.) FORESTER: Farrow here. Who is this? [SCENE_BREAK] 34, INT: POST OFFICE (Hilda cover the microphone with her hand.) HILDA: D'you see, it's the same man! BERT: Get him to talk a bit more. [SCENE_BREAK] 35, INT: LABORATORY HILDA: Mr Farrow, I've got a London call for you. Will you accept the charges? [SCENE_BREAK] 36, INT: POST OFFICE FORESTER: London? Oh, er... Yes, er, alright. HILDA: Hold on please. BERT: Mm, yes, they do sound alike, I must say that. Perhaps I had better go up there.. HILDA: H-hello, er, Mr Farrow. [SCENE_BREAK] 37, INT: LABORATORY HILDA: I'm sorry, London has broken the connection, perhaps they'll call again? FORESTER: Oh, er very well. Thank you. (He replaces his receiver.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38, INT: POST OFFICE HILDA: Bert, it's the same man, no doubt about it! BERT: Well, we'll soon find out. (He puts on his Policeman's helmet and walks out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39, INT: LABORATORY (Forester mops his face with his handkerchief, and goes out of the lab.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40, EXT: GARDEN (Smithers is tending to the plants in the garden, he looks up a little worried at something he's seen.) [SCENE_BREAK] 41, INT: TABLETOP (The Doctor and Susan are tugging at the lever of a gas tap.) SUSAN: Ooh I, er, think it's moving a bit... DOCTOR: Now come on, all together! (Barbara joins in.) DOCTOR: Wai.. It's coming. [SCENE_BREAK] 42, INT: TABLETOP (Ian is wrestling with a match trying to turn it over so that it faces the right way for striking. Susan runs over and joins him.) SUSAN: Ian! IAN: Huh? SUSAN: The tap's ready to turn on now. IAN: Good. Now, Susan, I've wedged the matchbox against a knothole. What we're going to do is run at the side. SUSAN: Mm. Oh, like using a battering ram! IAN: Yes, that's the idea. (He smiles.) SUSAN: Yes. IAN: Come on, get a hold of this. SUSAN: Right. (She grabs the end of the enormous match.) [SCENE_BREAK] 43, INT: TABLETOP DOCTOR: Yes, I.. I think that's got it in about the right angle in this gas jet, mm. BARBARA: Yes. DOCTOR: Hm? BARBARA: Well all we'll succeed in doing is just melting this tin. DOCTOR: No no no no, I've had a good look at this. This is pressurised, it's a spray kind. Our problem will be..will be, er, to get away, to get away far enough to, er...when it explodes. BARBARA: Explodes? DOCTOR: Oh yes, it's going to explode. And when it does it'll go off..well, to us, a-a thousand pound bomb! [SCENE_BREAK] 44, EXT: GARDEN SMITHERS: It's killed everything. Everything! (Behind his crouched form, a pair of neatly suited legs appears from the cottage.) FORESTER: Smithers! (Smithers turns.) [SCENE_BREAK] 45, INT: TABLETOP (The Doctor is watching Ian and Susan trying to light their match. They take a run up and strike the box from the side, but they barely scrape it and the match remains unlit.) DOCTOR: No no no, dear boy, try hitting the box at a sharper angle, more force, more pith! IAN: Doctor, have you ever tried to lift one of these things? SUSAN: Come on Ian, lets try again. (Ian and Susan take a run up with the match. SUSAN VO: Charge! (As the Doctor and Barbara look on from the gas tap there is an almighty crackle and their faces are lit up.) BARBARA: They did it! DOCTOR: Yes! Come on, let's light the gas tap...turn it on! (He and Barbara both tug the lever.) IAN: Turn it down a bit, you don't want us burned alive! Uh, Doctor, Barbara, get behind that tap. Get behind...that's it. Take it easy now, breathe. (He and Susan walk the match slowly towards the tap...) [SCENE_BREAK] 46, INT: LABORATORY (The lit end of the match edges closer to the leaking tap. Suddenly a gout of flame spews from the nozzle onto the can.) [SCENE_BREAK] 47, EXT: GARDEN FORESTER: And then he told me he couldn't authorise DN6! I had too much money sunk into it. I had to kill him. Once I'd started I had to see it through, all the way! (He produces his stubby weapon from the confines of his jacket and waves it menacingly at Smithers.) [SCENE_BREAK] 48, INT: TABLETOP (The Doctor is watching the flame.) DOCTOR: Quickly! (The other three run past him towards cover, he pauses a moment face alit like an evil leprechaun.) DOCTOR: Won't be long now! (He chuckles to himself rubbing his hands together, then hurries after the other three.) [SCENE_BREAK] 49, INT: LABORATORY (Under the vicious onslaught of the flame from the gas-tap, the paint on the outside of the can, already blackened, begins to blister.) [SCENE_BREAK] 50, INT: TABLETOP IAN: Take as much cover as you can, when that thing explodes there'll be metal flying all over the place. SUSAN: It'll be just like that air-raid Grandfather, do you remember? DOCTOR: Yes, very well. And what infernal machines those zeppelins were hm! [SCENE_BREAK] 51, INT: LABORATORY SMITHERS: Forester, think what you're doing! DN6 is more deadly than radiation! Doesn't that mean anything to you? FORESTER: Get the briefcase! (Smithers moves to obey, but smelling burning paint, the scientist immediately looks to see what is happening and notices the can, which is beginning to bulge and warp. Forester moves closer to the can just as it explodes with a loud pop, ripping the metal canister asunder and spaying molten metal and boiling DN6 into Forester's face. The businessman falls to the ground in agony. His own gun levels at him, Smithers has obviously ducked the explosion and recovered it, but before he gets the chance to do anything he feels a long arm on his hand. Bert the Policeman has just arrived on the scene, and relieves an ashamed looking Smithers of the pistol.) [SCENE_BREAK] 52, INT: TABLETOP DOCTOR: It's worked, it's worked! Come on, all of you, back to the ship! Susan, you take, er, Barbara. Quickly, quickly. (The Doctor stoops and picks up one of the seeds in his long cloak.) IAN: But Doctor, what are you doing, that thing's covered in poison! DOCTOR: Yes I know it is, I know all about it. IAN: Well what do you want it for? DOCTOR: You'd be surprised. (He chuckles mischievously to himself.) Go on, lead on. (They all exit due sinkwards.) [SCENE_BREAK] 53, INT: LABORATORY (Bert pulls Forester to his feet and glances at him. His face is burnt, scalded, lacerated, his eyes are seared shut, but he's still moving.) BERT: Mm, he'll live. Now I have some questions that need answering, now turn that gas off, you'll kill the lot of us! (Smithers silently goes to the gas tap and turns it off. He picks up a fragment of the insecticide can from the tabletop and looks at it in bewilderment.) [SCENE_BREAK] 54, INT: TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM DOCTOR: We've got to repeat exactly wha..the things that happened to us when we landed. IAN: Is there anything I can do? DOCTOR: Yes, that seed over there by the chair. Take it over to the table so that we can all see it. And wrap that round it when you do it. (He points to his cloak. Ian takes the seed from beside where Barbara is sitting unconscious in a chair, and places it on a table on the other side of the room. The Doctor operates the controls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 55, EXT: MAIN CLEARING (Silently the TARDIS fades away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 56, INT: TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM IAN: Doctor! DOCTOR: Er! IAN: Doctor I... DOCTOR: Shh-sh. I think it's working. Splendid, I think it's working, my boy! IAN: Doctor, look at that seed! (They both look at the seed in the Doctors cloak as it begins to shrink until it is virtually non-existent.) DOCTOR: Yes yes, we've done it! Yes, ha-ha ha-ha, we've done it, yes! IAN: Doctor, it's incredible, that seed, it's completely vanished! DOCTOR: No no my dear boy, no. Hah-ha! (He moves over to the cloak and holds the seed up between his finger and thumb like a magician.) DOCTOR: Look, can you see, it hasn't vanished at all! (A little way away Barbara is sitting on an old mahogany chair where she collapsed after the journey back. For the first time she begins to stir, and she opens her eyes seeming to wake up from a deep sleep.) SUSAN: Barbara? BARBARA: Mm..mm, I'm so thirsty. (Susan offers her a glass of water she had previously dialed up.) SUSAN: There you are, drink that. (Barbara falls upon the water and drains the glass in a moment.) BARBARA: Oh, I'd no idea water could taste so good. (Susan laughs, and the Doctor joins her side.) DOCTOR: Well well, here we are then, the patient is beginning to look her usual self again, mm? Hah-ha! (Ian looks the most relieved of them all.) IAN: Thank you Doctor. DOCTOR: Not at all my dear boy, always at your service. BARBARA: Doctor what happened in the laboratory, I don't remember much after the explosion. DOCTOR: Well I'm happy to say our plan worked, and we didn't have to fire the laboratory. But we did attract attention. Do you know that a policeman came into the room just as I was about to climb down that pipe? BARBARA: Oh good! Now what about us, can you get us back to normal? DOCTOR: Yes, there's your answer my dear. (He produces the seed.) SUSAN: Grandfather, is that the seed you brought in with you? DOCTOR: The same seed! SUSAN: Hah-ha! BARBARA: Then we are back to normal! DOCTOR: Completely my dear! (They all make relieved noises.) DOCTOR: Now before I check up and see where we are, I suggest you all go and have a good scrub mm? SUSAN: Oh please! DOCTOR: Go-on, off you go! (Ian, Barbara and Susan all sidle off like children who have just come in from playing in the sandpit. The Doctor moves to the console and examines it then he gazes up at the monitor, but all it shows is murky static.) DOCTOR: Oh dear-dear-dear-dear-dear, now isn't that irritating mm?! I had to repair that wretched thing and now look at it, I can't see a thing! (The dematerialisation noise echoes through the console room.) DOCTOR: Wait I... I think we're beginning to materialise, perhaps I shall know now where we are, mm? Hm-hm... (The Doctor looks at the screen as it flickers away to itself.)

The doors of the TARDIS open of their own accord just before it materialises, running out of control. On emerging, the travelers find the ship has been reduced in size and they are now only about an inch tall. As tiny people, they stumble across a plot by a ruthless businessman,Forester, and his misguided scientist colleague, Smithers, to launch a new insecticide, DN6 - a product so destructive that it would kill not only those insects harmful to agriculture but also those vital to it. Forester is willing to commit murder to ensure the success of his business, as civil servant Arnold Farrow discovers to his cost. The criminals are brought to justice when the Doctor and his friends - hampered by the fact that Barbara is ill from the insecticide - tamper with the telephone in Smithers' laboratory, fuelling the suspicions of the local exchange operator, Hilda Rowse, who sends her police constable husband Bert to investigate.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x12

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_02x12_0

-[Storybrooke]- (The situation is chaotic at the town line. Mr. Gold holds an injured and confused Belle, Hook is unconscious at the side of the road, and the 'outsider' is still in the crashed car. In the distance, sirens are heard approaching.) Belle: Who are you? What's going on? Mr. Gold: Shh... Let me... Let me. Let me. (Mr. Gold magically heals Belle's injuries.) Mr. Gold: All better. Good. Belle: How did you do that? Mr. Gold: It's nothing to be afraid of. Belle: Get away. Mr. Gold: Shh. Belle, please. Belle: What are you?! (Emma, David, and Mary Margaret arrive on the scene via squad car. David gets out and runs towards Belle and Mr. Gold, with Mary Margaret trailing behind. Meanwhile, Emma radios for more assistance.) David: Are you okay? Emma: I'm at the town line. Two people down, maybe three. There's a car - pretty banged up with Pennsylvania plates. David: What's going on? Mr. Gold: She crossed over the line. She doesn't remember. (Emma finds a now alert Hook at the side of the road.) Hook: Hey, beautiful. Here, I didn't think you'd notice. (She leans down and pushes on his ribs. He yells out in pain.) Emma: Your ribs are broken. Hook: Oh, that must be why it hurts when I laugh. Did you see his face? His one true love, gone in an instant! Just like Milah, crocodile! When you took her from me... Mr. Gold: But you took her first. (Mr. Gold lunges at Hook, digging his cane into his neck.) Emma: Gold, are you insane?! Mr. Gold: Yes, I am! David: You can't do that! Mr. Gold: I can if you let me go. Emma: You don't want her to see that. Mr. Gold: I'm a stranger to her. Emma: Murder is a bad first impression. David: What would Belle want you to do? (An ambulance arrives, distracting Mr. Gold long enough for David to pull him off of Hook.) David: Over here! (The paramedics head towards Hook first, but Emma directs their attention to the driver of the car instead.) Emma: No! Him! Take care of him. He can wait. (Mary Margaret, who is still tending to Belle, overhears Emma.) MMB: What? Emma: There's someone in there. MMB: Stay. I'll be right back. (Emma and Mary Margaret watch as the paramedics look over the unconscious driver of the car.) Emma: Do you know this guy? MMB: I've never seen him before. David: That's because he drove into town. MMB: From the outside? Emma: Looks like the world just came to Storybrooke. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the hospital, the voice over the intercom announces the arrival of the accident victims. Alone in another room, Dr. Whale listens to the announcements as he drinks. Outside the door, several other hospital workers can be heard.) Man: Anybody seen the doctor? Woman: Dr. Whale, we need you in the ER! -[A Land Without Color]- (Victor, Gerhardt, and Alphonse toast in the living room of their home. It is decorated with Christmas decorations.) Victor: To the Frankensteins. Gerhardt: To a fine new year, papa. Alphonse: Thank you, Gerhardt. And let's have a better look at that medal. (He looks over the medal pinned to Gerhardt's chest.) Alphonse: My son. The Silver Cross. Gerhardt: It's embarrassing to have everyone make such a fuss. Victor: Well, that's your cross to bear, I suppose. Alphonse: To the holiday. Something for both of my sons. (Alphonse hands a small box to Gerhardt and a leather envelope to Victor.) Gerhardt: Too small to be a pony. (Gerhardt opens to the box, revealing a pocket watch inside.) Alphonse: Your mother gave me that when we were married. It was her father's. She wanted to keep it in the family. Gerhardt: I remember. Alphonse: Open yours, Victor. (Victor opens the envelope, revealing a piece of paper.) Victor: A commission. Father, surely you're joking. My work is far too important to leave now. Alphonse: I purchased you a commission. You will join the Mobile Thirty-fourth as their camp physician. It's an honour. Gerhardt: Well, yes, of course. But I'm not sure you realize the important scientific work he's doing. Alphonse: Certainly, but how will he do his work without my financial support? Victor: Papa, I rely on that money. Alphonse: I've already allowed you the use of our summer home for your foolish purposes. Isn't that enough? Victor: I have made great progress! The name Frankenstein is going to stand for life! Life, everlasting here on Earth. -[Storybrooke]- (Hook and the driver of the car are wheeled into the hospital on stretchers by the paramedics, while the rest of the group from the accident site follow behind them.) Belle: I don't know what's going on. Paramedic: Car versus pedestrian. Chest trauma from the wheel. Pedestrian's got contusions, broken ribs. Nurse: Go to X-ray. Pedestrian first. Emma: Hide him. Nurse: What? Emma: Find a room and hide him. (Mr. Gold enters.) Mr. Gold: Belle. What's going on? David: Get him out of here! Mr. Gold: Well, what's happening? Belle! Leroy: I'd like to know that myself. Mr. Gold: Belle! Belle! (Dr. Whale finally joins everyone.) Dr. Whale: Everybody, calm down! Mr. Gold. Everything will be fine. She's in good hands here. I promise. -[A Land Without Color]- (Victor briskly walks away from the house towards his carriage, as Gerhardt runs after him.) Gerhardt: Victor. Victor, wait. He'll cool off. Here. Take this. (He extends the pocket watch to Victor.) Gerhardt: You're the eldest. She wanted it for you. Victor: No. Keep it. Don't worry about me. I'll find another way. (Victor continues on towards his carriage, while Gerhardt turns to return inside. Rumpelstiltskin is shown watching the exchange from a distance.) -[Storybrooke]- (Mr. Gold watches Belle as she sleeps in her hospital bed. He leans over and kisses her on the lips. There is a brief pause where it seems like Belle may recognize him, but she then starts screaming.) Mr. Gold: No, no, no, no, no. (She continues to scream.) Mr. Gold: No, no, no, no, no. I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. (Several nurses enter the room. Mr. Gold begins to back out of the room.) Mr. Gold: I'm sorry. Man: You okay? Mr. Gold: I'm sorry... (Mr. Gold exits.) [SCENE_BREAK] (In another room in the hospital, Emma interrogates Hook, who is handcuffed to the bed.) Emma: Where's Cora? Hook: What? (Hook goes to move his arm and realizes he's stuck.) Hook: Again? You're really into this, aren't you? Damn, that hurts. Emma: Told you - cracked a few ribs. Where's Cora? Hook: You look good, I must say. All 'where's Cora?' in a commanding voice. Chills. Emma: You have all sorts of sore places. I can make you hurt. (Emma pushes her hand into his ribs, causing him to wince in pain.) Hook: I have no idea where Cora is. She has her own agenda. Let's talk about something I am interested in - my hook. May I have it back? Or is there another attachment you'd prefer? Emma: You're awfully chipper for a guy who just failed to kill his enemy, then got hit by a car. Hook: Well, my ribs may be broken, but... Everything else is still intact. Which is more than can be said for other bad days I've had. Plus, I did some quality damage to my foe. Emma: You hurt Belle. Hook: I hurt his heart. Belle's just where he keeps it. He killed my love. I know the feeling. Emma: Keep smiling, buddy. You're chained down, he's on his feet, immortal, has magic, and you hurt his girl. If I were to pick dead guy of the year? I'd pick you. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret and company have gathered in the lobby of the hospital with the driver's cell phone.) Leroy: We've got to get into his phone. David: Let me guess another pass code. MMB: You can't guess. There are a million possible combinations. Ruby: Ten-thousand. MMB: Ten-thousand. David: Leroy, can you get it open or something? Hack it? Leroy: Well, you do understand that computer hacking and pickaxe hacking are different. (Emma enters.) Emma: Here, let me try. I have a thing. And we do know something. There was stuff in his car - rental agreement, maps, receipts. His name is Greg Mendell. Now, let's see... (Emma breaks into the phone and begins to root through it. She finds several phone numbers and pictures of Greg.) Emma: Pictures of him alone at a bunch of Eastern Seaboard tourist locations, a LinkedIn account, and he tweets pictures of his food. I'll keep looking, but I think what we have here is a well-documented, real-life ordinary Joe. Or Greg. Ruby: So, whatever's kept random people from stumbling into Storybrooke for the last twenty-eight years- MMB: Is gone. David: Anyone could drive in. Why are my instincts telling me that's a bad thing? Leroy: Cause you've seen E.T., or Splash, or any other movie where they find something magical and study it to death. Think what'd they do to a werewolf. MMB: Oh, and his friends and family? They're going to come looking for him soon. Emma: Let's try not to overreact. David: Leroy's right. We don't need outsiders here. Emma: Hook says he doesn't know where Cora is, and God knows what she's going to do. With other people coming here, that's not going to be good for anyone. MMB: We need to find Regina - tell her we know she was framed. Ruby: I've been tracking her. No luck. She's gone underground. MMB: But what if Cora finds her first? I don't want to think about the damage those two would do together. This could not have come at a worse time. Emma: It's okay. The guy's being patched up right now. He'll probably be on his way home by morning. (Dr. Whale enters.) Dr. Whale: Not quite. He's bleeding into his chest cavity. It's not a full flood, you know. But, pretty soon, he'll be drowning in his own blood. Emma: So make it stop. Aren't you a doctor? (Dr. Whale spots Mr. Gold walking down the stairs. He approaches him.) Dr. Whale: Gold. You fixed me. Now fix him. It will take you seconds and cost you nothing. Mr. Gold: No. Dr. Whale: No? Just... No? Mr. Gold: I owe you nothing, Whale. I owe none of you anything. And some of you, owe me. So, yeah, just... No. Oh, and point of interest - the driver? He saw me throwing some magic. So, instead of trying to get him out of here, you better be hoping he dies. Because if he doesn't, he's going to be driving tour buses up and down main street. So glad I don't give a damn. (Mr. Gold exits.) Dr. Whale: Look... Letting him die is easy. I can do that, if that's what you decide. Emma: Let's take this somewhere private. (The group enters a small examination room to talk.) Dr. Whale: It's not really murder if we let him succumb to his injuries. Emma: I'm pretty sure it is. MMB: Of course we save him. David: Obviously. Leroy: Well... MMB: Leroy! Leroy: We got to think it through. If we save him and kill the whole town, is that really better? Ruby: So we have to choose between our lives and his. David: We can worry about the town later. MMB: Which doesn't mean we should abandon him. David: I know, but let's worry about Storybrooke after we save a life. Dr. Whale, prep for surgery. (Dr. Whale exits.) MMB: Anyone else notice he's drunk off his ass? (Suddenly, Greg's phone begins to ring.) Emma: Someone's looking for Greg. How long before they come here? -[A Land Without Color]- (Victor and Igor are clearing out Victor's laboratory. Igor leaves with a box of stuff, while Victor continues to pack. Rumpelstiltskin enters by magically appearing on a chair.) Rumpelstiltskin: Good evening, Doctor. Victor: How did you get in here? Who are you? Rumpelstiltskin: Stiltskin. Rumpel Von Stiltskin. Victor: A foreigner. Rumpelstiltskin: What tipped you off? My rosy complexion? Yes, I've seen nothing of your drab little land yet, but, I am interested in your work. Victor: Well, you're a little late. I've been shut down. And I can't bring back dead loved ones, anyway, if that's what you're after. Rumpelstiltskin: I think my deceased are best kept where they are, dearie, thank you very much. No, no, no. My interest, is in how you do what you do. You see, where I come from, we do things differently. Your land has witchcraft, but it's feeble, neglected stuff. Where I live, it's strong and hearty. But... It cannot restore life. If you can do this, well... I'll want to know more, and I'm willing to pay. (Rumpelstiltskin takes out a small pouch and pours its contents onto the floor. A massive pile of coins pour from the bag.) Victor: How did you do that? Rumpelstiltskin: Ah... Missing the point. Money - yours. Victor: Are you a philanthropist? Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I've been called worse. There is a cost to you - knowledge. You teach me to wield... Whatever it is you wield. That, is the deal. Victor: Then it's a deal. (Igor returns.) Igor: I thought you were bringing- Victor: Igor, tremendous news! This is Rump- (Victor turns around, but finds that Rumpelstiltskin has disappeared.) Igor: Master... What's happened? Victor: Bring back the equipment. We're staying. And we're going to need a body. -[Storybrooke]- (In his shop, Mr. Gold is reminiscing over the chipped cup. Suddenly, the bell to the front door rings. He goes over to investigate, but finds that there's no one outside. When he turns around, he sees that a box has been left on the counter. Cora then appears near the door.) Cora: Hello, Rumpel. Mr. Gold: Well, I expected this was just a matter of time. Had hoped you were dead, but hey - disappointment's just part of life. I'm sure we can agree on that. Cora: Aw, the crocodile snaps at the little bird. And after I brought you a gift. Mr. Gold: Yeah, did you bring the antidote, too? Cora: Oh, Rumpel. It's a peace offering. Mr. Gold: And what do you want for this, uh... This peace offering? Cora: My daughter. You were so clever to get her to lay the curse so you could come here. You don't need her anymore. Let me try to get her back and let us live. Mr. Gold: And what do I get for my troubles? Cora: Your son. (She nods towards the box. Mr. Gold pulls off the lid, revealing a white 'globe' inside.) Cora: You know what that is, of course. Mr. Gold: It'll find him... If this one truly is it. Cora: Oh, darling, I have no reason to cheat you. Mr. Gold: Anymore. Cora: I want you to find the one person in this universe who might still love you. After all, I'm doing the same thing. Mr. Gold: Do you have any spells to return memories? Cora: I only know what you taught me... Master. So, will you accept my offer of a truce? Mr. Gold: Truce. (He extends his hand, which Cora takes. The two shake on the deal.) Cora: Let's seal it like we used to. (Cora leans in and kisses Mr. Gold.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At the hospital, David finds Dr. Whale staring at Greg's watch.) David: What's that? Dr. Whale: Oh. It's just the guy's personal effects. I get the best watches this way. Joking. As far as you know. It's too bad it's cracked. David: I thought you'd be scrubbing in by now. Dr. Whale: Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to do that. David: Arm okay? Dr. Whale: I'm not drunk. David: Okay, just... Let's save this guy, alright? I don't care what he saw. We don't let go of people. Dr. Whale: Right. Of course not. -[A Land Without Color]- (During a thunderstorm, Victor is in a graveyard attempting to dig up a body. Gerhardt finds him there.) Victor: Gerhardt. Gerhardt: Igor told me that I'd find you here. I can't believe... I thought you worked with cells in Petri dishes. Victor: My work has progressed. And I thought you supported me. Gerhardt: Not like this. (Near the entrance of the graveyard, there is a man with a gun.) Man: Halt! Victor: Don't shoot! We have orders! He's in uniform. (A shot is fired. The two of them run towards the carriage and quickly get inside.) Gerhardt: Go! Go! Victor: You shouldn't have come looking for me. And I thought you supported me. Gerhardt? (Victor notices that Gerhardt is unresponsive. He looks down and sees blood seeping through his uniform.) Victor: Gerhardt? -[Storybrooke]- (Emma and company are waiting in the lobby of the hospital. Greg's phone, now on silent, begins to vibrate. On the screen, the incoming caller is listed as 'Her'.) Leroy: Same person again. Emma: 'Her'. Cute. David: Probably a girlfriend. MMB: We could answer it - just let her know he's okay. Emma: He's not okay. Ruby: He's alive. We could let her know he's alive. David: Nah. The police could trace it here instantly. Emma: She can activate the find your phone thing without us picking it up at all. (The phone stops vibrating.) Leroy: That settles that. MMB: Oh, my nerves can't take this. Is the surgery almost over? Emma: I... I think it takes... (A man enters and scans the lobby. He turns to leave when David stops him.) David: Whoa. Whoa. Wait. Wait. Any news? Man: No. I was just looking for the doctor. Ruby: He's not in the OR? Man: He never came in. Emma: Then page him. David: He was not looking so good earlier. (The man makes a phone call. A beeping sound is then heard nearby.) MMB: He's here. (The beeping sound is coming from the laundry basket of dirty scrubs. Emma looks through it and finds the pager, along with Dr. Whale's lab coat.) Emma: No, but his pager is. He's gone. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ruby sniffs Dr. Whale's lab coat to pick up the scent.) David: Got the scent? Ruby: Boozy. Emma: Just find him and bring him back. We'll watch Hook and figure out options if Whale doesn't come back. MMB: Maybe Doc can do it. Leroy: Surgery? No. MMB: Maybe he didn't even run. Maybe Cora grabbed him for some reason. David: I don't think so. He's been in a rough place since he had brought Regina's fianc back to life. MMB: Daniel? Emma: Back to life?! David: And had his arm ripped off and put back on. Leroy: Cool. MMB: Wait. Daniel came back? Emma: Like some kind of Frankenstein? David: That's Whale. The doctor. And Daniel was his- MMB: What went on here while we were gone? Emma: Ruby, get going. Bring back... Dr. Frankenstein. (Ruby exits.) Emma: We're going to send this guy back home with bolts in his neck. MMB: She'll find him. Emma: Yeah, but what kind of state is he going to be in? [SCENE_BREAK] (Dr. Whale is shown running down the main street of Storybrooke.) -[A Land Without Color]- (Surrounded by his equipment, Victor has Gerhardt's corpse laid out in the middle of his lab. He chest has been cut open and sewn shut. Igor is there assisting.) Victor: I will bring you back, my brother. I promise. (Victor throws a switch, causing a surge of electricity to flow through Gerhardt's body. The body twitches, then all is still. When they check over the body, they notice smoke rising from the chest cavity. Victor grabs a scalpel and cuts open the stitches. He then pulls out Gerhardt's charred heart.) Igor: It's burned. Like coal. Victor: Cover him. The sheet will serve as his shroud. Igor: Of course, doctor. (Alphonse enters.) Alphonse: Victor? Victor: Father. Alphonse: You were seen carrying a body into this house. Explain yourself. (Alphonse walks over to the body and discovers that it's Gerhardt.) Alphonse: Gerhardt? My boy. My dear son. What did you do?! Victor: It was an accident. I was working- Alphonse: You caused this! The things you do. (He pulls back the sheet and sees the stitches running along his chest.) Alphonse: You cut into your brother! Victor: No, no, it wasn't like that! Alphonse: You put your foul magician's work into your brother! Victor: It can work! I did this for you, too, father. I wanted you to have two sons again. Alphonse: And now I have none. -[Storybrooke]- (Cora enters Regina's house and begins to look through it. She scans the glassware in the kitchen, then smells the clothes hanging in Regina's closet. Cora then reaches Henry's room, where she finds an old picture of Henry and Regina. She looks over the dresser, and finds an old craft done by Henry. It's a mold of Henry's handprint with the words 'To Mommy' written below it. She smirks and takes it with her.) [SCENE_BREAK] (In the middle of the night, Henry walks across the graveyard to Regina's family mausoleum. He slides the sarcophagus over, and heads down the stairs. He begins to call for Regina.) Henry: Mom? Hello? Hello? Hello? Mom? (Behind one of the walls, Regina has a hidden room. She hears Henry and walks over to one of the mirrors on the wall. She waves her hand, and magically transforms the mirror to allow her to see out. Regina sees Henry searching the crypt.) Henry: You in there? Can I come in? Mom? (Regina opens the door to the hidden room.) Henry: Mom? Mom? (Henry enters and hugs Regina. She returns the embrace.) Regina: Henry, I'm so glad you're here. I missed you so much when... I have to let you know, I had nothing to do with Archie. Henry: I know. I always knew. Regina: I was framed. I don't know how. I... It just seems like everything... You knew? How did you know? Henry: Simple. (In a puff of blue smoke, Henry magically transforms into Cora.) Cora: Because I did it. Regina: Mother... -[A Land Without Color]- (Victor is working is his laboratory. He has suspended Gerhardt's body in a bubbling fluid. He goes to look through a microscope, when Rumpelstiltskin appears behind him.) Rumpelstiltskin: Did it work? No? Victor: There was a little problem with what the heart could withstand. Rumpelstiltskin: Ah! Problems of the heart. Isn't that always the way? Victor: Could you get out of my light, please? Rumpelstiltskin: You know, where I come from, there are hearts that can withstand anything because of magic. Victor: You have hearts? Rumpelstiltskin: I'll tell you what. I'm going to bring you a friend - a master of the hat. He shall take you to a young woman who has exactly what you need. You put on a little show for her, and then you walk away with all your prayers answered. A heart for your brother. Victor: And who is this woman? Rumpelstiltskin: Her name...is Regina. -[Storybrooke]- (Regina and Cora talk in the hidden room.) Regina: You... I thought we stopped you. How did you get through? Cora: Determination. I had to see you. I needed to tell you, that I know why you sent me through the looking glass. And I know why you tried to have me killed. And it's... It's alright. Regina: I think it's not alright. Cora: I love you. I just... I've always shown it in all the wrong ways. And I never should have made you marry the King. I'm so sorry. When you cried over my coffin, it... It all changed. Regina: You framed me - for the cricket. Cora: Temporarily. So you could see what these people really think of you. Regina: You made an airtight case. Anyone would believe it. Cora: I didn't want you to reject me. Not again. Regina: You wanted me broken. Cora: Receptive. Regina: You are the most manipulative... No. I won't even argue. Come with me. We're going to town. Cora: It's the middle of the night. Regina: I don't care. We'll wake them up - Emma and Henry and the two idiots - and you can tell them how you lied. You owe me that. Cora: And then you'll let us start over? Regina: I don't see that happening, mother. But I am... I was trying so hard to be worthy of Henry. And I deserve the same thing from you. Cora: You're right. For you, sweetheart. Anything. [SCENE_BREAK] (Dr. Whale is standing at the edge of the dock. He stares at Greg's watch as he looks into the water below. Ruby finds him.) Ruby: Dr. Whale? Dr. Whale: Don't come near me! (He tosses the watch into the water, then jumps off the dock. Using her wolf abilities, Ruby is quickly able to grab Dr. Whale by the neck of his coat before he falls in.) -[A Land Without Color]- (Victor and Igor have conducted the experiment on Gerhardt's body. Slowly, Gerhardt raises his hand, which Victor clasps.) Victor: Rumpelstiltskin was right. The new heart worked. Welcome back, brother. Igor: It's magic, Dr. Frankenstein. Victor: No, not magic. Science. [SCENE_BREAK] (Victor confronts Alphonse in his study.) Victor: I'm telling you, it's true. I brought him back. Alphonse: Victor... If you have really given me this... Victor: We've kept him waiting long enough. (Victor goes to fetch Gerhardt. He leads him into the room, but is clearly 'off'.) Victor: He's still...recovering. It's a slow process, so don't expect him to... Alphonse: You did it. Victor: I did it. Alphonse: It's really you. Let me see you, my son. (Alphonse grabs a candlestick and holds it up to Gerhardt, which causes him to shy away from the light. Gerhardt says nothing, and only grunts.) Alphonse: What? What is it? Is he alright? Why doesn't he speak? (Gerhardt swings and hits the candle out of Alphonse's hand. He then crouches on the ground, holding his head.) Alphonse: Ow! Victor: I told you, father, it's an adjustment. Alphonse: I believed you. The terrible thing is, for a moment, I believed you did it. He's a monster! What a fool I was! That's not my son! You aren't my son! You're a ghoul and a grave robber. A fool and a witch doctor. You're a disgrace to this family! (During the tirade, Gerhardt suddenly lunges at Alphonse and throws him onto the floor. He then sits on his chest and begins to furiously punch him. Victor watches for a few moments before deciding to intervene.) Victor: Enough. Gerhardt. Enough. (Victor places his hand on Gerhardt's shoulder, causing him to cease the attack. Victor feels his father's neck for a pulse.) Victor: You have killed our father. (Distressed at the news, Gerhardt flees the room.) -[Storybrooke]- (Ruby and Dr. Whale are sitting on the dock conversing.) Dr. Whale: I wanted my name to stand for life. But everybody just thinks it's the name of a monster. I guess they're right about that. Rumpelstiltskin says that magic has a price. But, from where I'm sitting, seems that science does, too. Every time I try to save a life, someone else dies. Ruby: Hey. Yeah. Look, you're Frankenstein. And I'm the werewolf. I ate my boyfriend. Regina thought she was punishing us by erasing who we were, but I think she underestimated how much crap we wanted to forget. Dr. Whale: Yeah. Ruby: But... We can't let it stop us. She gave us a chance to start over, and I want to take it. I think you should, too. Dr. Whale: I wasn't such a bad guy, you know. I wanted to bring life back. But he never got over our mother. If I could've just brought her back- Ruby: That guy in the hospital - someone keeps calling for him. Maybe a wife, a mother. Maybe, there's still some stuff you can fix. [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina and Cora are in Regina's car. Regina is driving, and Cora is in the passenger seat.) Regina: Nervous? Cora: Not about owning up to what I've done. It's just... These carriages are strange. And something's irritating me... (Cora pulls out Henry's handprint craft.) Cora: Oh. For Mommy. Oh, that used to be you. Regina: When were you in my house? Cora: I haven't had the pleasure. Regina: That was in my house. Think I don't know where that was? It's one of my most treasured possessions. Cora: Well, let's be honest. Taking me to be pilloried by the town might gain you some points, but, as long as Emma and her parents are here, he's not really yours. Not like he was when he made things for his one and only mommy. You've been too bad for too long, and now they see you as a... A snake. You don't want their love at all. What do you want? Regina: My son back. (Regina pulls the car over in a deserted parking lot.) Cora: And I want my daughter back. I meant everything I said earlier. I am so sorry. I can do better. I won't push you away again. Let me into your heart. Together, we can get him back again. (Regina leans across the seat and puts her head on Cora's shoulder. Cora embraces her.) Regina: How? Cora: Oh, I have a few thoughts. [SCENE_BREAK] (Dr. Whale and Ruby arrive back at the hospital, where Emma and company are still waiting in the lobby.) MMB: You're back. Emma: Finally. Dr. Whale: I don't know why everyone's so worried. I was just stretching my legs. Now I'm going to go do this thing. -[A Land Without Color]- (Victor enters Gerhardt's cell. Gerhardt sits in silence.) Victor: Gerhardt? My brother? I was trying to bring you back. Are you here? Gerhardt? Gerhardt? (When he places his hand on Gerhardt's shoulder, Gerhardt reacts violently. He throws Victor onto the ground and begins to strangle him, but stops when he recognizes his brother.) Gerhardt: Vic...tor? Victor: Yes. Yes, it's me. (He takes his hand off of Victor's neck, and scrambles over to the corner of the cell, grabbing his head. Victor takes out a pistol and slowly makes his way over to Gerhardt. He points the gun at his head, but then lowers it. Gerhardt, realizing Victor's intentions, grabs Victor's hand and aims the gun at his forehead. Once again, Victor lowers the gun.) Victor: No. I won't do it. I will still save you. Father is wrong. I will find a way. -[Storybrooke]- (At the hospital, Dr. Whale meets Ruby in the hallway.) Dr. Whale: Where are they? Ruby: Getting coffee from the machine. What's the verdict? Dr. Whale: He'll live. Ruby: You did it? Dr. Whale: Thank you. Monster to monster. Ruby: You did it! (They enter the lobby, where Emma and company have returned.) David: He's going to make it? Dr. Whale: He's got some recuperating ahead of him - a few weeks, maybe - but yes. He's going to live. MMB: Thank goodness. Dr. Whale: Or me. Leroy: Telling you right now, this will come to no good. David: Quiet, Leroy. Emma: I want to talk to him. Dr. Whale: He's waking up now. Ruby: Already? Dr. Whale: I waited a couple of hours to tell you in case he, you know, keeled over. But so far, so good. MMB: Alright, then. David: Well, let's talk to him. Emma: We're not talking to him as a group. We're not a group Sheriff. MMB: But, we've been doing this together. Emma: We're trying to convince this guy this place is normal. In a normal town, the Sheriff goes in and asks a few questions. She doesn't bring her parents in with her. David: That's probably true. MMB: We'll be right here, then. (Emma exits.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Elsewhere in the hospital, Mr. Gold hands Belle, who is still bedridden, the chipped cup.) Mr. Gold: I know you don't remember, but just... Indulge me. Please. Be careful with it. (Belle takes the proffered cup.) Belle: It's a... It's a cup. Mr. Gold: Yeah. Belle: It's... It's damaged. Mr. Gold: Just...look at it. Focus. It's your talisman. Belle: It's a cup. Mr. Gold: You dropped it... In my castle. You were afraid that you had angered me. Belle: Okay, here. You... You need to go and take your cup, okay? (She tries to hand him back the cup, but he refuses to take it.) Mr. Gold: No, no, no, no. I... I charmed it. If you focus, it will work. It's magic. Belle: Okay, just go away. S-stop talking about magic, and take your cup. (Belle, again, tries to push the cup back to Mr. Gold.) Mr. Gold: Just look at it. (Frustrated, Belle takes the cup and throws it against the wall. It shatters onto the floor.) Belle: Just go. Just go away. Mr. Gold: I'm sorry... (He leaves the room, glancing at the broken cup on the way out.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma enters Greg's room.) Greg: Nurse? Emma: Sheriff Swan, actually. Greg: I'm thirsty. (She hands him a glass of water with a straw. She also sets a bag of his belongings next to the bed.) Emma: Here. I have your personal effects. I'm just going to put them here, okay? So, Mr. Mendell, I wanted to talk to you about the accident. Greg: Did I hit somebody? Oh, my God, I hit someone. Is he okay? Emma: Don't worry about him. I mean, the... The damage was pretty minor. Greg: Oh, thank God. Emma: But, I do need you to state what happened in your own words - what you did, what you saw. Greg: Well, I... I didn't see anything. I- Emma: Well, you were driving. Greg: Yeah, I mean... I saw the road, of course. Emma: I just think I might be able to put your mind at ease. There might be...an explanation if you saw- Greg: I was texting. Emma: Oh. Greg: I looked down, just for a second. And when I looked back up, he was... He was right there. And he was too close to avoid, but I... I know that it's not legal in Maine. Emma: It's okay. I'm just glad that you... Were honest with me. Greg: So, no charges? Emma: No. No charges. I will let you go with a warning this time. Greg: Thank you. So when... When can I head home? Emma: As soon as the doctor clears you. We don't want to keep you. (Emma exits the room and heads down to the lobby, where everyone is nervously waiting.) Leroy: He didn't see nothing? Emma: Free and clear. MMB: Oh, good. David: Now maybe, things can calm down for ten minutes and we can catch our breath. [SCENE_BREAK] (At his shop, Mr. Gold takes out the white 'globe' that Cora had given him. He pricks his finger on the point and the top, and drops a drop of his blood onto the globe. The globe begins to glow and rotate. A red map of the world starts to appear, with one point in particular standing out from the map.) Mr. Gold: Bae. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma, Mary Margaret, and David arrive home to Mary Margaret's apartment. Henry runs down the stairs to greet them in the kitchen. They all sit down to eat breakfast.) Henry: You were out all night. Where were you? Granny wouldn't tell me anything. Did I miss it all? David: Cereal okay? Emma: Yeah. MMB: Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Hook had a fight and someone got hurt. Emma: We weren't sure if Dr. Frankenstein could fix him, but he did. Henry: Doctor? Oh... That's who Whale is. Emma: Yeah, but without the neck bolts. Henry: The monster had the bolts, not the doctor. Emma: Right, but either way, some of us having known him... It's weird. MMB: It's not weird. We're past it. We were cursed. Henry: What are you talking about? David: Nothing. Henry: Wait. MMB: Really, it's nothing. (Henry leaves and returns with his book.) Henry: Frankenstein isn't in here. It's not even a fairy tale. That means it comes from another land with different stories. Emma: Eat. I really want to go to bed. Henry: If the curse went to places with other stories, then who knows who else is in this town? (There is a knock on the door. Emma goes to answer it, but Mr. Gold lets himself in first.) Emma: Gold. We've all had a long night. Mr. Gold: You remember that favour you owe me, Miss Swan? Emma: Yeah. Mr. Gold: I'm cashing it in. Emma: It's not... A good... Mr. Gold: You do honour your agreements, don't you? I need to find someone, so we're leaving today. Pack your bag. MMB: Leaving? Henry: W-where? Emma: Wait. Find someone? Who? Mr. Gold: My son. It has to be today, because every minute I'm here, is a minute closer to me killing Hook. So it's really best for all concerned if I leave, and you're going to come with me. Oh, and, um, we have a long history. So know this, and know it to be true. If any harm comes to Belle while I'm gone, I'm killing all of you. I'll see you at noon. [SCENE_BREAK] (Greg is still in his room at the hospital. He grabs his bag of belongings off of the table and takes out his cell phone. Checking that the coast is clear, he dials a number.) Greg: Honey? I... I... I know. Just wait. Wait. Just listen. Just listen. Okay? Yes, I'm okay. I... I was in an accident. And, honey... You're not going to believe what I saw. -[End]-

Dr. Whale is tasked with mending Hook's wounds and performing surgery on the stranger whose car crashed upon entering Storybrooke. But some of the townspeople fear that the stranger may have seen magic -- which could expose their true identities to the world -- and think that leaving him to die would be the best solution. Meanwhile, as Mr. Gold tries to reunite with a despondent Belle, Cora attempts to reunite with daughter Regina; and in the land that was, Victor desperately wants to prove to his disapproving father that he can, indeed, bring back the dead.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_06x13

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_06x13_0

Scene: The apartment. Sheldon is steaming a Star Trek uniform. Leonard: Hey, will you steam my uniform next? Sheldon: Interesting. Do you recall this conversation? Leonard, want to go halfsies on a steamer? No, Sheldon, we don't need a steamer. Looks like that rumpled chicken's come home to roost. Penny: Hi. Here are the make-up sponges you asked for. Leonard: Oh, thanks, I thought I had more. Penny: Damn, you've got more makeup than I do. You've got better makeup than I do. Yeah, I'm borrowing this. Leonard: Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is my Comic-Con makeup. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend. Sheldon: That's a wise policy. I once borrowed my sister's makeup for a costume contest. Got a terrible case of pinkeye. But luckily, I was going as a zombie. I won second place. Penny: I feel like you guys just went to Comic-Con. Leonard: That was San Diego Comic-Con. This is Bakersfield Comic-Con. Penny: Is that better? Leonard: Well, it's a lot smaller. It's more about the comic books. The way these conventions used to be before they went all Hollywood. Sheldon: So to answer your question, no, it's not better. Penny: Well, then why are you going? Sheldon: It's a comic book convention. You know, it's like pizza or particle accelerators, even the stinky one's still pretty good. Penny: All right. Well, you guys have fun. I guess I'll see you Sunday night. Leonard: Yeah. Penny: Okay. Leonard: Oh, hang on a second. (Hands her the day's newspaper) Hold this. (Photographs the two of them together) Penny: What was that for? Leonard: To show people when they don't believe me. Credits sequence. Scene: A restaurant. Penny: Oh, this is the best. You have booze with breakfast on a Tuesday, you got a problem. You do it on the weekend, you got brunch. Amy: Sheldon doesn't believe in brunch. He can't stand being at a table where one person's having an omelette and another person's having a sandwich. Bernadette: He's not exhausting at all. Penny (receiving text): Oh. It's Leonard. He says they're on the road and headed for Bakersfield at warp speed. Maybe it's the mimosa, but I'm gonna give the kid an LOL. Bernadette: It's cute how excited they are. You should have seen Howard sewing his costume all week for the convention. Amy: When did Howard learn to sew? Bernadette: When he was a little boy, every couple months, he would have to let his mom's pants out. Amy: I don't even understand why they go to these conventions. Penny: I know. The four of them work at a major university. They're all super smart. How can they still be into something made for 12-year-olds? Bernadette: I don't mind it. I think Howie's just in touch with his inner child. Although when he comes to bed in his Batman pyjamas, sometimes it feels like I'm touching his inner child. Amy: It's probably because they were bullied growing up. In a world where you can't fight back, superheroes provide meaningful wish-fulfillment. Penny: Mmmm. Now I feel bad for picking on all those kids. Although, in my defence, if Danny Biffle didn't want to eat a mouthful of dirt, he shouldn't have shown up to school wearing a bow tie. Bernadette: I've never even read a comic book. You guys? Penny: Uh-uh. Amy: No. Bernadette: I mean, it's such an important part of their lives. Maybe we should try reading some. Amy: Seriously? Bernadette: The comic book store isn't far from here. Penny: That is an amazing idea. Okay, how many of these have I had? Scene: Leonard's car. Sheldon: I think you should turn on the GPS. Leonard: It is on. Sheldon: But the turn-by-turn voice option isn't on. I know I'd feel more safe if you turn on the turn-by-turn voice option. I love the turn-by-turn voice option. Howard: Has it really only been ten miles? Leonard: I'm turning it on, but just to shut you up. GPS (in Sheldon's voice): Leonard, bear left and continue on Interstate 210. Sheldon: Ooh, sounds like that fellow knows what he's talking about. I'd put on my listening ears if I were you. Leonard: What did you do? Sheldon: I found a hack online. I was able to upload MP3 recordings of my voice to your GPS. Raj: That is so cool. Leonard: Counterpoint, no, it's not. GPS: Continue on Interstate 210 for five miles. Here's an interesting fact about interstates. Leonard: Really? Sheldon: Shh, he said it's interesting. GPS: Interstates are numbered as follows. Even-numbered routes run east and west, odd-numbered routes run north and south. Three-digit route numbers indicate bypasses or spurs. Howard: Look, Leonard, there's a bridge. Drive off it. Raj: You know, we're not that far from Vazquez Rocks. Sheldon: Oh, they shot a lot of Star Trek episodes out there. Howard: We've got our costumes in the trunk. We could go there and have a little photo shoot. Raj: Great idea. I haven't had a carbohydrate in two weeks. These cheekbones need to be in front of a camera before I eat a pretzel and they're gone. Leonard: Yeah, that sounds fun. Sheldon: Oh, smashing. Now, Leonard, do you know how to get there? Leonard: No. Sheldon: Yeah, well luckily, someone in the car does. GPS: Recalculating. While we're waiting, do you know which president signed the Intestate Highway System Act into law? The answer, coming up in 14 miles. Sheldon: None of you will get it. It's Eisenhower. Scene: The comic book store. Bernadette: Why are they staring? Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys. Stuart: Oh, hey. Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings. Penny: Hey, Stuart. Stuart: What brings you guys here? Bernadette: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books. Stuart: Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them. Penny: No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought we'd give it a try. Stuart: Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga... I swear I will turn a hose on you. Bernadette: What kind of comics do the guys like? Stuart: Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff. Amy: All right, well, who's the best superhero? Stuart: Shh! You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble? Penny: Well then, what do you recommend? Stuart: Well, uh, let's see. You've got your basic clean-cut good guys, Superman, Spider-Man, Captain America. Then you have your darker anti-heroes, your Batman, your Wolverine, Punisher. Amy: Ooh, I do love a bad boy. Penny: As evidenced by your boyfriend and his fear of hamsters. Stuart: If I were you, I'd go for Fables number one. The artwork is sophisticated, it's intelligently written, and it doesn't objectify or stereotype women. Penny: Ooh, Thor! He's hot. Stuart: Yeah, he kind of is. Scene: Vasquez Rocks. Sheldon, dressed as Data, is having his makeup put on by Raj, dressed as Worf. Raj: And we're blending, and we're blending, and we're done. Sheldon: I know Mr. Data isn't supposed to smile, but here it comes. Howard (dressed as a Borg): Come on, guys. Let's do this. Leonard (dressed as Captain Picard): Yeah, I'm sweating my bald cap off. Howard: So what's our first pose going to be? Raj: I say we begin with a classic Star Trek fight scene. Leonard: I'll set the timer. Howard: Sheldon, how is that a fight pose? Sheldon: Mr. Data's weapon is his mind. I'm wielding it. Raj: Phasers on the Borg! Charlie's Angels. Howard: Okay, what's next? Raj: Now let's do some sexy glamour shots. I'll set the mood. (Rhythmically) Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, Yeah, nice one, oontz, oontz. That's right. Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz... Howard: Oh, my God. Leonard, someone's stealing your car! Leonard: What? Hey, hey! Come back here! Raj: Stop! Sheldon: Stealing is against the law! Leonard: I don't believe this. Howard: Son of a bitch. Raj: I'll call 911. What, oh, no, my phone is in my other pants. Howard: Oh, so is mine. Leonard: Mine, too. Anybody got any ideas? Sheldon: Nope. The only thing left to do now is assign blame. (To Raj) Nice going. Scene: The side of the road. Leonard: What kind of a person steals another person's car in broad daylight? Sheldon: What kind of person leaves his keys in the car? Leonard: I thought we agreed this was all Koothrappali's fault. Sheldon: You're right. Nice going. Howard: Car. Raj: What is wrong with people? Why don't they stop? Sheldon: Maybe we're better off. What if we were to get in a car with a crazy person? Leonard: Look at us, Sheldon. We're the crazy people. Sheldon: Well, perhaps we should hold up a sign that assures passing motorists of our mental competence. Howard: Good idea. Why don't you get started on that? Leonard: Come on, let's just start walking. There's got to be a gas station or something nearby. Sheldon: What, you think just because you're wearing a captain's uniform, you're in charge? Leonard: Yes. Sheldon: All right. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny: Hmm, okay, I'm done. How did you guys finish so fast? Bernadette: I don't know, there were a lot of pictures, and one page only had the word brakkadoom! Penny: Yeah, well, I have street smarts. Bernadette: So, what'd you guys think? Amy: Well, there was a lot of action. Penny: Mmm. Amy: And the story moved along at a brisk pace. It was, overall, what's the word I'm looking for? Penny: Stupid? Amy: So stupid. Penny: I don't know how Leonard can get so caught up in this. Bernadette: It's crazy, they spend hours arguing about things that don't even exist. Amy: What a waste of time. Penny: I know. A hammer so heavy that no one else can pick it up? Bernadette: I don't think it's heavy. It's some sort of magic, so only Thor can lift it. Penny: That makes even less sense, I mean... Amy: No, no, no, it doesn't. Thor is a god. The hammer is his, only he can use it. It's like Sheldon and his toothbrush. Or his thin, beckoning lips. Penny: Okay, hang on, what if Thor's hand is on the hammer? I mean, if he's touching it with his god magic, does that mean I could lift it? Bernadette: No. Amy: Yes. Penny: Well, which is it? Amy: Maybe we missed something. Bernadette: Let's read it again. Penny: Okay. Amy: Yeah. Bernadette: You want some tea? Amy: Good idea. I'll help you. Penny: Wait, I thought we were reading. Amy: We are. We're just, uh, giving you a head start. Scene: The desert. Howard: I wish my mom was here. We could all hang out in her shadow. Raj: Wool pants in the desert. I feel like I've got poached testicles. Leonard: Oh, you poor thing, you're sweating. That's so much worse than having your car stolen. Raj: Insurance is gonna buy you a new car. It's not gonna de-funk my junk. Sheldon: Gentlemen, a little less bellyaching. We're Starfleet officers and a member of the Borg Collective. Leonard: Please, Sheldon, I am so not in the mood. Sheldon: Leonard, all our lives we have dreamed of finding ourselves inside one of the fantasy worlds we love. And look at us. At this moment, we are, in fact, a Star Trek landing party stranded in an alien and unforgiving environment, relying only on our wits, our fortitude and our moxie. As long as we have those things, nothing can stop... Guys in Passing Car (throwing a drink over Sheldon): Nerds! Sheldon: I hate this planet. Scene: Penny's Apartment. Amy: It says right here on the hammer, whoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor. Bernadette: Hold on, who decides who's worthy? Does the hammer decide? Penny: Yes! Amy: No! It can't decide. It's a hammer. Penny: You said it's a magic hammer. Amy: Yeah, but, it can't make decisions. Penny: If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer? Amy: Okay, if you're going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: A diner. Sheldon: Hello. Hello. Uh, uh, uh, four glasses of water, please. Anything for you guys? Leonard: Can I use your phone? Our car got stolen. Waitress: Why don't you ask Scotty to beam you up? Sheldon: Scotty was on the original series, and we're Next Generation. So, joke's on you. Howard: We're not with him. Scene: Penny's apartment. Amy: You can't pick something up in outer space. In space, there is no up. Penny: Oh, yeah? Then how does the sun come up every day? Amy: Hard to argue with those kind of street smarts. Bernadette: Leonard and Sheldon have boxes of comics across the hall. Why don't we go look at those? Penny: Oh, great. Yes. And then you will see, I am not wrong, because if we were in outer space, then anyone could pick up the hammer because it would be floating around in a weightless environment. Yeah, that's right, the slow reader used science. Suck on that. Scene: The diner. Policeman: Was there anything valuable in the car? Leonard: Our clothes, our wallets, phones. Raj: And about three hundred dollars worth of makeup, so this thief could look like anyone right now. Policeman: Makeup? Sure. Leonard: Uh, we're going to the Comic-Con in Bakersfield. They have a big costume contest. It's cooler than it sounds. Policeman: I don't know, sounds pretty cool. Raj: It, it is. It's not just comic books. They've got action figures, toys, a Tron-themed dance party. Leonard: Okay, he gets how cool it is. Policeman: I think I have all I need here. You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms? Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered. Howard: Okay, I just talked to my mom. She arranged for us to get a rental car. Raj: Great. We can still make it to Comic-Con. Leonard: Are you kidding me? After all we've been through, I just want to go home. Raj: Don't be like that. Come on, Howard, talk to him. Howard: I'm with Leonard. I'm done. Raj: Fine, then I guess it's two against two. How do we decide? Sheldon: Actually, it's three against one. Raj: What? What about the mission? You said we were a real-life landing party. Sheldon: Yeah, well, we're not. We're an imaginary landing party who had real-life garbage thrown at us by real-life strangers who think we're idiots. And to tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel like one. I want to go home now. Raj: Okay. Did we at least rent the car from Enterprise? Get it? Enterprise? Screw you. That's funny. Scene: The apartment. Bernadette: Well, what if the Hulk picked up Thor while Thor is holding the hammer? Amy: Yeah? Bernadette: Then by the transitive property of picking things up, Hulk picked up the hammer. Amy: No. Hulk picked up Thor, Thor picked up the hammer. Penny: Okay, hang on. If I go to a bar and pick up a guy, and he picks up a girl, and then we all leave together, did I pick up the girl? Amy: Did that ever happen? Penny: Hey, are we talking about me or are we talking about Thor? Scene: The stairwell. Sheldon: Well, I say that's the last time we ever go outside. Amy (off): Look, right here. Red Hulk is picking up Thor's hammer 'cause Thor's touching it. Penny (off): No, it's because they're in space. He's really just touching the strap. Amy(off): The strap is part of the hammer. Bernadette (off): No, it's not! Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books? Leonard: No, that can't be right. Howard: Maybe Thor's Hammer is a new colour of nail polish. Bernadette (off): Then Red Hulk must be worthy. Penny (off): How could Red Hulk be worthy? Bernadette (off): You don't know his life. Sheldon: There's only one logical explanation. Somewhere in the desert we crossed into an alternate dimension where the women in our lives can finally appreciate great literature. Raj: If it's an alternate dimension, sounds like a job for a landing party. Sheldon: Captain, what are your orders? Leonard: I say we investigate. Sheldon: Wait. They might be hostile. Leonard: Fine, but set them to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never find a girlfriend that pretty again. Scene: Leonard's car. GPS: Fun fact, President Eisenhower signed the Federal Aid Highway Act from his hospital room. First Car Thief: Wow, that is interesting. Second Car Thief: You learn something new every day. GPS: Say, can you name the four state capitols that are not served by the interstate system? First Car Thief: Ooh, another quiz. Second Car Thief: Yes!

Leonard drives the other men to the Bakersfield Comic-Con, making an unscheduled stop at Vasquez Rocks where Star Trek: The Original Series was filmed, to photograph themselves as Star Trek: The Next Generation characters, but someone steals Leonard's car with their clothes and phones. The four, stranded in the Californian desert without regular clothes and with no means of transport or communication, try to hitch a ride to Bakersfield, but no-one stops for them. They walk to a nearby diner where they report the theft to a police officer. Demoralized, the four skip Comic-Con and return to Pasadena in a car hired by Howard's mother. Meanwhile, the women wonder why the men like comics and superheroes, stuff they believe to be for kids only. To understand why, they buy comics at the comic book store to read in Penny's apartment. To resolve a heated argument over Thor's hammer Mjolnir, they then read Leonard and Sheldon's comics in their apartment. Upon returning to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, the men hear the ladies still arguing about comic books. The men then agree to investigate - ala Star Trek. In the final scene, two car thieves enjoy the interstate highway quiz Sheldon programmed into Leonard's car navigation system.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x01

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_06x01_0

At a restaurant, Peter and Emma are having lunch with Peter's dad Emma: I just love it here. I mean the view is amazing. Mr. Stone: My pleasure. Glad you could help us celebrate Pete's 17. That's an important day. Got to have your friends around. Peter: Oh dad. The guy made a mistake. That's not your car. Mr. Stone: You're right son. It's not. Happy birthday. (He hands Peter the keys to a new car) Peter: You're kidding! Mr. Stone: Nope. Now I know your birthday's not for two days. Here, here, here. But I wanted you to have it for the first day of school. (Peter hugs his dad excitedly) Mr. Stone: You're welcome. Here let's take it for a spin. (Peter's driving the car with Emma in the passenger seat ) Peter: I can't believe this car is mine. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. (Peter and Emma kiss as Jay and Sean walk over) Sean: Emma? Emma: Sean? What are you doing here? Sean: I moved back. I'm with Jay now. Jay: Easy Brokeback Mountain. He means he's sleeping on my couch. (Peter makes a coughing sound) Emma: Oh Peter, this is Sean. Sean this is Peter, my boyfriend. Sean: Oh. How's it going man? Peter: So you're the Sean? Sean: Guess so. (Peter puts his arm around Emma) Sean: Well see you guys at school tomorrow. Emma: You're back at Degrassi? Outside Degrassi, Toby, Liberty and JT are walking up to the school JT: Well here we are. The first day of our last year. Thank Jehovah. Liberty: The year that'll be the crowning achievement of my academic career. Toby: I think I hear someone's valedictorian speech coming on. (They walk past Jimmy and Spinner) Jimmy. Check out our new classmates. Serious mathletes. Spinner: Yeah. Good thing though 'cause with Marco gone, I gotta copy my tests off someone. (Ashley walks over) Jimmy: Looking fine Ms. Kerwin. Ashley: Well you know somebody's got to make up for Spinner. (Ashley playfully hits Spinner with her bag when he sees Darcy walking over) Spinner: Hi queen bee. Spare some honey? Darcy: For my king? Anytime. (Darcy kisses Spinner on the cheek) Darcy: After being away at bible camp the whole summer I'm so over it. Ready to take this place over, Spin? Spinner: Ready as I'll never be. In the parking lot, Peter is showing off his new car Peter: Yo dudes, check out my whip! Random guy: Yeah whatever. Peter: I mean my car. Pretty fly huh? (Some guys walk by laughing at him) Peter: Ah thought a new ride would give me some props around here. Manny: Maybe if you didn't say props. Kidding. I'm gonna go say hi to Sean's biceps. Peter: Check out Mr. Stud. Degrassi's big-time heartthrob. Emma: Please. Sean's got a tire iron for a brain. Peter: Yeah well girls like biceps, not brains. You should know. You dated him for years. Emma: Well I couldn't care less now. Not when I've got brains, biceps, beauty and a hot car all rolled up in one. (They kiss) Emma: I made you an early birthday present. (Emma gives Peter a toque that she knitted) Peter: You made this for me? Emma: Uh huh. Peter: Thanks. I don't know what to say. Emma: Oh that I'm gorgeous, perfect and you'll love me forever. Peter: Yes, yes and yes. In Mr. Simpson's class Mr. Simpson: Well as I live and breathe, Sean Cameron. Sean: Mr. Simpson, it's really good to see you man. (Manny goes over to Emma who's looking up Degrassi's social event planner online) Manny: Social event planner. What happened to the real Emma Nelson? Emma: She's thinking of the real Peter Stone. You know how hard it is for Peter to make friends, so I figured if he got more involved it would be easier. (Manny is staring at Sean who is talking to Spinner) Emma: You're so not listening to me. Manny: Sean Cameron, bench-press has been so, so good to you. Emma: I'm gonna tell Craig you said that. Manny: Feel free if you can ever get him on the phone. Mr. Simpson: Alright! Let me start off by saying welcome to the 12th grade. This is the start of the most important year for you guys in your high school lives. (Emma and Sean stare at each other from across the room) At Marco and Dylan's new apartment Marco: What do you think about Medieval Lit: Monsters in the Mist? Ellie: Mm no. Let's not take any courses where they make us read Beowulf. Ooh hockey art. Dylan's I presume? Marco: Yup. You know if you moved in we could out vote him on matters of d r. Dylan: I heard that! Ellie: And when it comes to matters of leaving the toilet seat up, thank you no. Residence waiting shall remain my friend. Paige: Okay I know Marco likes four sugars and Ellie takes her coffee black, like her soul. Ellie: How I'll miss your cutting jibes when you leave for Banting, Paige. Not that I'm counting the days, but when? Paige: Can you count to two? And to think that no one has thought of throwing me a going away party. Hint. Hint. Double hint. Dylan: Uh Marco someone's supposed to be moving in here in two days. Hint, double hint. Ellie: Funny 'cause someone's also supposed to be deciding on university courses with me. Marco: Okay mom, dad, relax. I'm all over it, okay? (He takes a sip of the coffee Paige hands him and makes a face) Marco: Sweet mother Mary, this is mud! Paige: Yeah your new roomie is java-ly challenged. Have a cookie. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the school, Manny and Sean are talking while Peter and Emma are working on his car Manny: She's pretty gorgeous, huh? Sean: Yeah she is. (Manny smacks Sean's arm) Sean: Ow. Manny: Don't even think about it. Emma's finally in a good place and she doesn't need you ruining it. Sean: I wasn't planning on it. Manny: I'm serious. Last year was non-stop Emma-drama-rama. This year she needs to be 100% stress free. Got it? Sean: Yeah I got it. (Emma and Peter are arguing about his car parts) Emma: It doesn't fit. Peter: Yeah, but it has to! Sean: Woah! Hey Peter. Hold on a sec. What are you doing? You can't force the filter in like that. You'll never get a proper seal. Just trust me. This is what I do. Peter: I was just trying to make it go faster. Emma: It's already pretty fast. How much faster do you want? Peter: As fast as humanly possibly. Sean: You know if you want I can hook you up with real mods. Peter: Yeah that'd be alright. Sean: Yeah? Sweet. Alright well it all starts with more fuel. Once we do that, we can up your boost. This is what you need. Now I have to head to Woodbridge so meet me later. Peter: Out where the street races are. Emma: The illegal street races. Emphasis on illegal. Sean: Come on. It's just a little fun. What you got against that? Emma: Nothing. I'm all about fun. I love fun. In fact, if fun were people, I would be China. Sean: Okay. At Woodbridge, a bunch of people are hanging out when Peter, Emma and Manny drive up Jay: Poindexter's in his daddy's car and he's waving at us. Explain. Sean: That's Peter, Emma's boyfriend. That's not his dad's car, that's his. We're gonna mod it. Jay: What? Why? Why would we do that? Alex: What's that phrase, keep your friends close, your enemies closer? Sean: Whatever Alex. Jay: Oh lord forgive my sinful thoughts. Sean: Hey Emma's my friend, alright? And you're gonna stay clear of her. Got it? Peter: Hey. I got the part. Hope it fits. Sean: Looks good. Let's try it out. (Sean and Peter keep talking about cars as Emma shakes her head) At a coffee shop, Marco and Ellie are sitting there Spinner: Ah picking university courses. Must be nice. Ellie: Don't get too excited. Falcult? Marco: Foucault. Ellie: Foucault and Postmodernist Marxist Theory. What does that even mean? Spinner: Do not ask me. (Paige rushes in and Spinner gives her an awkward smile as he walks away) Paige: Marco! Party ideas por vous. Marco: Uh Paige I do have a few things I'm trying to juggle here. Paige: I know silly, which is why I did some pre-selecting por vous. Hence the uh panoply of pretty, sticky flags. Marco: You're going to Banting, not to war. Paige: Sue me for wanting to get everyone together one last time. Marco: What do you mean one last time? Paige: Um you, me, Ellie, we're all starting new lives. Who knows? We need one last goodbye hurrah. Marco: Okay. Okay so I'll then prepare thyself for the most rockingest bon voyage party in history.

Emma is happy being with Peter--that is, until Sean returns to town and enrolls at Degrassi for the upcoming school year. She soon finds herself drawn to Sean as he and Peter get caught up in the street-racing scene. Meanwhile, Marco grows overwhelmed when he has to juggle moving his stuff into his apartment with Dylan, choosing university courses with Ellie, and throwing Paige a going away party. Also, Ellie struggles to deal with her new roommate and writes an anonymous article about it for the school newspaper.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_01x17

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_01x17_0

Scene: The apartment living room Sheldon: Wo de zhing shi Sheldon. Howard: No, it's Wo de ming zi shi Sheldon. (Makes a hand movement with every syllable.) Sheldon: Wo de ming zi shi Sheldon. (Copies hand movements.) Howard: What's this? (Repeats hand movements.) Sheldon: That's what you did. I assumed as in a number of languages that the gesture was part of the phrase. Howard: Well it's not. Sheldon: How am I supposed to know that? As the teacher it's your obligation to separate your personal idiosyncrasies from the subject matter. Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin. Sheldon: Why? Howard: Once you're fluent you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me. Leonard (entering): Hey! Sheldon: Mai du lui tsa. Howard: You just called Leonard a syphilitic donkey. Sheldon: My apologies Leonard, I'm only as good as my teacher. Leonard: Why are you learning Chinese? Sheldon: I believe the Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken and I intend to confront them. Leonard: If I were you, I'd be more concerned by what they're passing off as chicken. Penny (storming in): I need to use your window. Leonard: Oh, yeah, no, sure, go ahead. Penny (opening window): Hey Jerkface, you forgot your iPod! (Throws it out.) Leonard: What's going on? Penny: Oh, I'll tell you what's going on, that stupid self-centred b*st*rd wrote about our s*x life in his blog. (Out of window) Drop dead, you stupid self-centred b*st*rd! (To Leonard) Thank you. (exit) Sheldon: Okay, where were we? Howard: Not now, I have a blog to find. (Credits sequence) Scene: Leonard approaches Penny's door and knocks. Leonard: Penny, are you okay? Penny (voice off): I'm fine, Leonard, just go away. Leonard: Look, I understand that breaking up with someone can be very painful.... Penny: GO AWAY! Leonard: Okay, feel better, bye. (Goes back to apartment) She doesn't want to talk. Sheldon: Not surprising. Penny's emotional responses originate from the primitive portion of the brain known as the Amygdala, while speech is centred in the much more recently developed Neocortex. The former can easily overpower the latter giving scientific credence to the notion of being rendered speechless. (Leonard stares at him.) Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk. Raj (entering): Hey, look, I found an iPod. Howard: It's smashed beyond repair, what are you going to do with it? Raj: What else? Sell it on ebay as slightly used. Leonard: It was Penny's boyfriend's, they broke up. Howard: Apparently he posted intimate details of their physical relationship on his blog, which I cannot find anywhere. Leonard: You know what, I'm going to go back and try talking to her again. Howard: Good idea. Sit with her, hold her, comfort her, and if the moment feels right, see if you can cop a feel. Leonard: I'm not going to do that, Howard. Sheldon: I'm not aware of any social convention that requires you to intervene at all. Leonard: What about "damsel in distress?" Sheldon: Twelfth century code of chivalry, not exactly current. You'd also have to be knighted for that to apply. Leonard: I don't care. She's upset, I'm going over there. Howard: Remember to sit on your hands a bit so they're warm. Leonard: I'm her friend, I'm not going to take advantage of her vulnerability. Howard: What, so you're saying that if in the depths of despair she throws herself at you and demands you take her, right there, right now, you'll just walk away? Leonard: I said I'm her friend. Not her gay friend. Scene: Penny's flat. Penny is eating ice cream from the tub. Leonard (knocking and entering): Hey, listen, I know you said that you didn't want to talk... Penny: I don't. Leonard (leaving): Sorry. Penny: Wait. Leonard: Wait, did you say wait? Penny: Tell me the truth. Am I just an idiot who picks giant losers? Leonard: No. No. Penny: Okay, so I pick good guys, but turn them into losers. Leonard: Of course not. Penny: Well, it's got to be one or the other, which is it? Leonard: I'm sorry, what were the choices again? Penny: I really thought Mike was different, I thought he was sensitive and smart. I mean, not you smart, normal non-freaky smart. Leonard: Yeah, no, sure. Penny: You know, and then he just goes and has to humiliate me by writing about me on his blog so the entire world can read it. Leonard: Actually it's not all that easy to find. Penny: Yeah, really, well my friends at work found it, my sister found it, judging by my email a number of prisoners at the Michigan State Penitentiary found it. Leonard: Okay, well, what exactly did this guy write, not that I need to know the details of your s*x life, I just thought.... never mind. Penny: Nope, you know what, you might as well read it, everybody else has, go ahead. Oh God, I just feel so betrayed and embarrassed. I just want to crawl into a hole and die. Leonard: Okay, well, you know, this isn't that bad. It just paints the picture of a very affectionate woman who's open to expressing her affection in non traditional locales. Penny: Oh God! Leonard: Elevators, parks, movie theatres, out of curiosity, is this subway the transportation system or subway the sandwich shop? Penny: Sandwich shop. Leonard: Doesn't that violate the health code? Penny: No, at the sub shop we were only making out. Leonard: Huh. Okay. But my point is that you have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed. Penny: Really, do you think I overreacted? Leonard: Maybe a little. Penny: 'Cause I do that, I do overreact. Maybe I should call Mike and apologise. Leonard: No. No, no, that, that would be underreacting. He did break the implied confidentiality of the bedroom and, in your case, the elevator, parks and fast food franchise. Penny: Yes. You're right. I should just say I'm done with him. Leonard: Yes, you should, go ahead, say it. Penny: But I never gave the man a chance to explain. Leonard: What is there to explain, it's all right here, it's a betrayal. Penny: No, you were right the first time, this is a man who loves me, but in his own stupid way he was just trying to show people how he feels. Leonard: I'm pretty sure I never said that. Penny: No, you did better than that, you helped me see it on my own. Leonard: Aw, good for me. Where are you going? Penny: I'm going over to Mike's. Leonard, thank you so much. Leonard: Oh, sure. Huh, maybe I am her gay friend. Scene: The apartment. The guys are playing a board game and eating Chinese food. Sheldon: Howard, I'm going to need another Mandarin lesson. I obviously didn't make my point with those people. Howard: For God's sake, Sheldon, if you don't like the tangerine chicken, don't order the tangerine chicken. Sheldon: I like tangerine chicken, I'm not getting tangerine chicken. Leonard: Can we please change the subject. Raj: Sure. Tell us again how you screwed up and got Penny back together with her old boyfriend. Leonard: Just roll the dice. Raj (rolls and moves): Enslaved by warlocks, stay here till you roll 2, 4 or 6...7 Leonard: She was mad at him. She was done with him, the relationship was broken beyond repair and I walked over there and I fixed it! Howard: Boy, that story gets better every time you hear it. Sheldon: Actually, I thought the first two renditions were far more compelling. Previously I felt sympathy for the Leonard character, now I just find him to be whiny and annoying. Leonard: Just eat your tangerine chicken. Sheldon: I'd love to, but I don't have tangerine chicken. Penny (storming in): Thank you so much for your stupid advice. (Slams door again.) Raj: Incredible. You managed to screw up the screw-up. Scene: Penny's apartment. Leonard (knocking and entering): I'm back. Penny: I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's not your fault. Leonard: What happened? Penny: Well, I went over to Mike's to make up with him. Leonard: Yeah, I know, I know that part. Penny: But he had already moved on. Leonard: Already, that was quick. Penny: That's what I said to the woman who had her legs wrapped around his neck. Leonard: Oh, Penny, I am so sorry. Penny: How could he do that. Leonard: Oh, well, you know, you did throw an 8 gig iPod... yeah, no, how could he do that. Penny: I swear to God, I am done with guys like that. You know, macho, with the perfect body and the hair, and the money. Leonard: Yeah, that must get old quick. Penny: You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice, and honest, and who actually cares about me. Leonard: What about me? Penny: What about you what? Leonard: What about if you went out with me? Penny: Are you asking me out? Leonard: Um... yes... I am... asking you out. Penny: Wow. Leonard: I was just going off your comment about the nice guy... Penny: No, I know, I got that. Yeah, totally. Leonard (continuing through Penny): ...thing and honest but, it's no big deal... Penny: Yes. Leonard: Yes what? Penny: Yes, I will go out with you. Leonard: Really? Penny: Yeah. Why not, I mean, what do I have to lose? Leonard: Yeah. That's the spirit. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The lobby. Sheldon is listening to an iPod. Sheldon: Show me your citrus peels. Gei wo kan, ni jud di zi pei. Show me your citrus peels. Gei wo kan, ni jud di zi pei. Show me your... Penny (tapping him on the shoulder): Sheldon. Sheldon (jumping in panic): Aieee ya! Xia si wo le. Penny: I'm sorry. Look, do you have a second. Sheldon: A second what? Pair of underwear? Penny: I was just wondering if I could talk to you? It's about Leonard. Sheldon: Why me? Why not Koothrappali or Wolowitz? Penny: Well, Raj can't talk to me unless he's drunk, and Wolowitz is, you know, disgusting. Sheldon: Yes, I suppose he is. Penny: All I'm saying is, you know Leonard the best. Sheldon: Not necessarily. I'm often surprised by my lack of familiarity with Leonard. Just the other day I discovered, he not only has a loofah, he hides it. Why do you suppose a man would be ashamed of having a loofah? I myself prefer to have my excess epithelial cells slough off naturally, but I don't condemn those who seek to accelerate the process. (Time shift) And until recently I had no idea that despite his lactose intolerance, he can tolerate small amounts of non-fat ice cream without producing a noxious gas that I maintain in the right concentration could be weaponised. (Begins to unlock apartment door.) Penny: Leonard might come home, can we talk in my apartment. Sheldon: We're not done? Penny: No. Sheldon: Ach, why not? We're already through the looking glass anyway. Penny: Okay, so, here's the thing. I guess you're aware that Leonard asked me out. Sheldon: Well, he didn't actually say anything, but when he came back to the apartment he was doing a dance that brought to mind the happy hippos in Fantasia. Penny: Oh, that's nice. Anyhow, the thing I wanted to talk to you about is, you know, since Leonard and I have become friends, I was just... want to sit down? Sheldon: Oh, I wish it were that simple. You see, I don't spend much time here and so I've never really chosen a place to sit. Penny: Well, choose. Sheldon: There are a number of options and, I'm really not familiar enough with the cushion densities, air flow patterns and dispersion of sunlight to make an informed choice. Penny: Alright, why don't you just pick one at random, and then if you don't like it you can sit somewhere else next time. Sheldon: No, no, that's crazy. You go ahead and talk while I figure it out. Penny: Okay. Um, here's the thing. So, I've known for a while now that Leonard has had a little crush on me... Sheldon: A little crush? Well I suppose so, in the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy. Penny: Alright, yeah, I don't really know who they are... Sheldon: Well Menelaus was the brother of Agamemnon... Penny: Yeah, I don't care, I don't care. The point is Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with. Sheldon: Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with. Would you be open to rotating the couch clockwise thirty degrees? Penny: No. What I'm saying is, Leonard might be different in a good way. Obviously my usual choices have not worked out so well. Sheldon: The last one worked out well for Koothrappali. He got a free iPod. Oh, glare! Penny: But on the other hand, if things don't go well with Leonard, I risk losing a really good friend. I mean, I guess he's not looking for a fling, he's the kind of guy that gets into a relationship for, I don't know, like you would say light years. Sheldon: I would not say that. No-one would say that, a light year is a unit of distance, not time. Penny: Thank you for the clarification. Sheldon: Draft. You see people hear the word year and they think duration. Foot pound has the same problem, that's a unit of work, not of weight. Penny: Right, thanks. Sheldon: It's a common mistake. Penny: Not the first one I've made today. Sheldon: Okay. I think this will be my seat. Penny: Sheldon, do you have anything to say that has anything to do with, you know, what I'm talking about. Sheldon: Well, let's see. We might consider Schrodinger's Cat. Penny: Schrodinger? Is that the woman in 2A? Sheldon: No. That's Mrs Grossinger. And she doesn't have a cat, she has a Mexican hairless, annoying little animal, yip yip yip yip... Penny: Sheldon! Sheldon: Sorry, you diverted me. Anyway, in 1935, Erwin Schrodinger, in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, he proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break open at a random time. Now, since no-one knows when or if the poison has been released, until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead. Penny: I'm sorry, I don't get the point. Sheldon: Well of course you don't get it, I haven't made it yet. You'd have to be psychic to get it, and there's no such thing as psychic. Penny: Sheldon, what's the point? Sheldon: Just like Schrodinger's Cat, your potential relationship with Leonard right now can be thought of as both good and bad. It is only by opening the box that you'll find out which it is. Penny: Okay, so you're saying I should go out with Leonard. Sheldon: No, no, no, no, no, no. Let me start again. In 1935, Erwin Schrodinger... Scene: The University cafeteria. Leonard (pointing): Two seats right there. Sheldon (to two oriental-looking people occupying the other seats): Chong sho sha pwe. (Caption translates to "Long Live Concrete".) Xie xie. (Thank you) Leonard: Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake. Sheldon: I can see that. Unless you're planning on running a marathon, choosing both stuffing and mashed potatoes is a starch filled redundancy. Leonard: No, it's about Penny. Sheldon: A mistake involving Penny? Okay, you'll have to narrow it down. Leonard: I don't think I can go out with her tonight. Sheldon: Then don't. Leonard: Other people would say "why not?" Sheldon: Other people might be interested. Leonard: I'm going to talk anyway. Sheldon: I assumed you would. Leonard: Now that I'm actually about to go out with Penny, I'm not excited, I'm nauseous. Sheldon: Ah, then your meal choice is appropriate. Starch absorbs fluid which reduces the amount of vomit available for violent expulsion. Leonard: Right. Sheldon: You also made a common grammatical mistake, you said nauseous when you meant nauseated. But go on. Leonard: Sheldon, this date is probably my one chance with Penny, what happens if I blow it. Sheldon: Well, if we accept your premise, and also accept the highly improbable assumption that Penny is the only woman in the world for you then we can logically conclude that the result of blowing it would be that you end up a lonely, bitter old man with no progeny. The image of any number of evil lighthouse keepers from Scooby Doo cartoons comes to mind. Leonard: You're not helping. Sheldon: Alright, what response on my part would bring this conversation to a speedy conclusion? Leonard: Tell me whether or not to go through with the date. Sheldon: Schrodinger's Cat. Leonard: Wow, that's brilliant. Sheldon: You sound surprised. Mmm, hou zi shui zai li du. (Your monkey sleeps inside me.) Scene: Leonard approaches Penny's door. He is wearing a suit. He knocks. Penny answers. Penny: Hi. Leonard: Hi. Penny: come on in. Leonard: Thank you. You look very nice. Penny: Thank you. So do you. Leonard: I made an eight o'clock reservation. Penny: Okay, great, listen, um, maybe we should talk first. Leonard: Oh. Okay. But before you say anything, have you ever heard of Schrodinger's Cat? Penny: Actually, I've heard far too much about Schrodinger's Cat. Leonard: Good. (He grabs her and kisses her.) Penny: Alright, the cat's alive, let's go to dinner. Scene: The Szechuan Palace. Sheldon (in Mandarin): Show me your mucus! Your mucus! Owner (in Mandarin): Blow your own nose and go away. Sheldon (in Mandarin): This is not a tangerine bicycle. Owner (in English): Crazy man. Call the police. Sheldon (in Mandarin): No. Don't call the library. Show me your mucus. (Leonard and Penny are seen entering, and then leaving again quickly.) Oxen are in my bed! Many, many oxen! Oy Vey!

Penny furiously breaks up with Mike after he posts details of their sex life on his blog, while Sheldon, determined to prove that the Chinese restaurant uses oranges instead of tangerines in their "Tangerine chicken", asks Howard to teach him Mandarin. When Penny laments her choice of men, Leonard awkwardly asks her out. After a few days, both worry that this relationship could ruin their friendship, and each seeks Sheldon's advice. Sheldon uses the "Schrödinger's cat" thought experiment to explain that the date has both "good" and "bad" possible outcomes, and the only way to determine which outcome is to go on the date. When Leonard arrives to pick up Penny, he mentions the thought experiment and kisses her passionately. She concludes that "the cat is alive" and they leave for dinner. Leonard and Penny go to the Chinese restaurant, but they leave before entering on seeing Sheldon arguing with the owner in Mandarin, and doing it very badly, disturbing the patrons.

fd_Heartland_06x03

fd_Heartland_06x03_0

Amy: Previously on "Heartland": Ty: You going somewhere? Matter of fact, I am. Paris. There's someone there I wanna see. Tim: Okay, I have some news. My son, Shane, has been accepted into a private school for the gifted. I can stay here? Well, that's the thing. You can stay here for the time being. I signed a bunch of papers this afternoon that made that happen. Why don't we get married? I mean, really, why not? What if we just wait? I mean, it won't change the way we feel if we wait. (Cows moo loudly) Tim: Yeah! Come on, cow! Come on! (Whistles) Jack: Watch the edges there! Tim: Oh, come on, give me a break! Jack: Then get your head out of the grass! What is with you this morning? Tim: Nothin'. Miranda called last night. She wants to come for a visit with Shane next week. Jack: That's a good thing, isn't it? Tim: Yeah, it would be, except I know she wants to talk about tuition. Now wait a minute. You wouldn't shut up about how that school was the best thing for his future. She's gonna sell her car to pay her share, Jack. Right, so it's her share you're concerned about. Tim: I am. I just don't know how I'm gonna pay mine. Jack: (Chuckles) (Engine sputters) Ty: Ah, damn it. Thank you. I owe you big time. Oh, I'm sure I can think of a way It's not that big a deal. It's my job, Amy. No, I don't mean that. Scott knows what it's like to study for finals. And hold down a job at the same time? You sure everything else is all right? Yeah, everything's fine. It's just I am... Very late. Thank you. You're welcome. I'll give you a call later. See you. Okay. (Truck starts up) Ty: Perfect! Thank you. Tim: Come on, come on. (Whistles) (Cows moo loudly, car horn honks) Whoa! Whoa! (Car horn honks) Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! (Cow hooves rumble) (Car horn honks, tires crunch) Whoa. Jack: What is going on here? Sorry, guys, looks like I spooked 'em a little. Jack: Well, a car horn tends to do that. Tim: What do you think you're doin' tearin' the grass up like that?! Lou said you guys would be out here. Tim: Lou? My daughter, Lou? How do you know her? I'm staying in one of her cabins. I thought I'd come see a couple of real cowboys in action. Well, this isn't some kind of Western safari, y'know. Trucks kill the grass; That's why we use horses. Right. Sorry. Name's Lanny Barrick, by the way. With any luck, we just might be neighbours. Tim: Can you believe that guy? Jack: Neighbours? And at the break of day you sank into your dreams, you dreamer. Oh, oh, oh... You dreamer, you dreamer. Lisa: Hiya, stranger. Jack: Lisa! Lisa: (Giggles) Jack: Oh my gosh! Lisa: (Giggles) I thought I was pickin' you up at the airport this afternoon. I caught an earlier flight 'cause I couldn't wait to see ya. Me too. Tim: Agh! Mon dieu! This isn't Paris, you two. Tim and Lisa: (Laugh) Lisa: Hi, Lou! Lou: Hi, Lisa. Hey, Dad. Tim: Hi, honey. Hey, by the way, thanks for sending that yahoo out in the monster truck to see us. Lou: What? Who? Lanny Barrick? Lisa: Lanny Barrick? That's an old friend of mine. I met him back when he was starting his little oil company. Lou: Well, I might have mentioned that you guys were out there moving some cattle. He's obsessed with becoming a weekend cowboy. He lives in Calgary, but he's out here doing some ranch shopping. An expensive hobby. Lisa: Well, he doesn't have to worry; He's loaded. How loaded? Lisa: His "little" oil company is now one of the top ten producers in all of Alberta. Really. Well, I gotta go. Good to see you, Lisa. You too. Tim: Hey, kid. Georgie: Hey. Hey, why aren't you in school? You told me to finish my chores first. Jack: That was before school and you knew what I meant. Come on, I'll take you in. Well, I have to change my clothes. Jack: There's no time for that. Get in the truck now. Lise, I'm sorry. I won't be too long. I won't be too long. Just... Lisa: Uh... Hey. Who is that? Hi. That's Georgie. What? Grampa hasn't told you? No, he told me nothing. (Truck rumbles) Lanny: You come to yell at me some more? (Chuckles) No, no, not at all. Sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I wanted to introduce myself properly. Tim Fleming. Welcome to Hudson. Thank you. My daughter, Lou, was telling me you might be looking for a ranch around here. Uh, I don't know, I'm having second thoughts. I saw a place today with some rotten little shack they were passing off as a ranch house. I don't know what my realtor was thinking. I've been livin' round here for most of my life. Let me tell ya, there's some nice places. Well, maybe that's what I need - a guy like you. A guy like me? Yeah, a cowboy, a guy's who's worked the land, knows the cattle business. You could help me find my dream ranch. Yeah, I could give you my professional opinion. I could fire my realtor- Well, I wouldn't- Maybe I'd pay you a finder's fee. Let's say 3 percent of the purchase price? That's generous. Well, it's my pleasure. Of course, if you're uncomforatable with 3, I could knock it down to 2. No, no, I'm comfortable. I'm good, I'm good with- that's fine. (Chuckles) Sounds great. (Chuckles) Lanny: Hey, Paige. This is Mr. Fleming. He's gonna find us our dream ranch. Oh, hello. Hello. Yeah, I'm gonna try. Say, we're having a dinner up at the house tonight. It's a welcome home party for Lisa. You and your daughter would be welcome as our guests. Daughter? (Chuckles) Mr. Fleming... Paige is my wife. (Embarrased chuckle) (Chuckles) Hey, what's up? Amy: Hey, um, I know I just saw you, but I totally forgot I need some West Nile vaccine. Oh, I can grab that for ya. Right here. There you go. Awesome! Thank you. You're welcome. Ty, um... I know you said it is, and I hate to keep asking, but... Is everything really okay? It's fine. But I actually wish you'd quit asking me that. I think it'd be a whole lot better if we could just... Go back to being normal with each other. Okay, I'm sorry. It's okay. Thank you for this. Sorry about that. That girl... Mm-hmm, Georgie. Yeah. Yeah, Lou told me all about her. Why didn't you? Well... It's a complicated situation and I didn't really wanna get into it over the phone. Jack, you're raising a foster child? Well, I suppose I am. It's only temporary until they can find her a proper home. I wanna hear all about you and the rest of your trip. Well, I wanna tell you, but you know what? At this point, I gotta go. I have so much to get caught up on and I- But you just got here! No! You just got here! I've been here all morning waiting for you. But I will see you at dinner and I'll tell you everything. Okay. Okay. Scott: Hey, thanks for hustling out the BVD vaccine. Ty: Yeah, no problem. There we go. (Sighs) Whoa! Hold on a second! What's wrong? Uh... I brought the wrong one. I gotta go back to the clinic. You brought the live vaccine? You know what would've happened if I would've injected this into a pregnant cow? Yeah, I know. Look... I know you're stressed out, I get that, but I really need you to be on top of your game. I'm sorry, Scott. It won't happen again. I promise. Lanny: This is delicious, Lou. Lou: Oh, thank you. Paige: These biscuits are so fluffy! Lou: Cake flour and shortening is the secret. Tim: I thought you might enjoy a good ol' fashioned country meal. Jack: So you're lookin' for a cattle ranch, Lanny? Lanny: Yeah. Just a little place to help us get outta the city on the weekend. Tim's gonna help us find it. Really. Paige: We're thinking a log house with an open beam concept, a rundle rock fireplace, a deck with a mountain view, and... oh, a pool pavilion would be amazing. Wow! You sound just like the women on those TV shows. Paige: I have to admit, I'm kind of addicted to the Home Design Channel. I mean, "The Real Housewives of- Lou: Georgie, did you have a biscuit? Lanny: Lou, we really love that dude ranch of yours. Thank you. Actually, Lisa and I are partners on it. Well, you pretty much run that place on your own, at this point, while holding down a job as a financial adivsor, I might add. Where at? Lou: Hubbard Financial. (Door opens) You and I should talk. Absolutely! In fact- Ty: Sorry I'm late. I was studying. Hey. Hi. So what are you studying to be? Uh, a vet. Lanny: Oh, good career. And you, Amy, are you in university? No, I, um... I work with horses. You hear that Paige? Another horse-crazy gal. Do you ride too? Well, I- Hell, yeah. She's a cowgirl through and through. She was riding before she could walk. The first thing we're gonna do when we find ourselves this dream ranch, is get you a horse, a real beauty. Yeah? You know, I might just have the horse for you. You free tomorrow, Amy? Yeah, I could be. Good. We'll do a little show-and-tell. Lanny: That sounds good. What's this horse's name? Lightning Dexter. I like him already. Tim: He used to be a champion race horse. Lanny: Really? Won me a lot of money. After I retired him, I had Amy re-train him as a hunter jumper. Wow. He's gorgeous. But I'm not really planning to jump. Great trail horse too. Why don't you take it for a spin? I'd love to, but I didn't bring any of my gear. Lanny: So how much you want for him? Tim: Oh... I don't know. At least forty. Since I'm already throwing some business your way, why not knock it down to 25? (Sighs) I don't know if I could take that hit. Say thirty, you got a deal. All right. Deal. (Surprised gasp) Paige: Lanny, I just need a trail horse. It's only the best for you, honey. Paige: (Chuckles) (Tires screech) (Tires squeal) Who are you and what are you doing on my horse? Jack: That does sound like a lot of money for that horse. Amy: Mallory, hi! Welcome home! Jack: We didn't expect you for a couple of weeks. Mallory, oh! So Nashville's not all your dad thought it was, huh? No, it wasn't. His new label jerked him around a lot so he dumped them. Now he's building a studio in our garage. (Chuckles) Now explain, why is some strange girl riding Copper? Oh, that's Georgie. I said she could take him out this morning before school, but that was well over an hour ago. Who the heck is Georgie? You just saw her now? Where is she?! She was going up the driveway. That girl! Hello? Who is Georgie? What is going on here? Okay, I will fill you in later, but right now I have to deal with a woman who paid a lot of money for a horse. Wow, you look like hell. You up studying all night? Yeah, pretty much. Well, I'm heading off to the polo club. I need you to take care of a couple of things around here. There's an Australian Shepherd that needs its nails clipped, and there's a horse in the isolation stall that needs its IV changed. (Sleepily) No problem. Scott: Just call me if you need anything. Okay. Oh, yeah, there will be a woman coming by to pick up her dog's ashes. Old Buster, he finally bought the farm. Ty: (Yawning) Okay. See you later. (Yawns loudly) (Rain patters down, kids chatter) Jack: Okay, get a move on. I'm already late to see Lisa. Again. Something wrong? You're not having trouble in class are ya? You know, I didn't exactly love school when I was your age either, especially the math. I could never wrap my head around geometry. I'm not having troubles in class. Then what then? Your teacher? She's all right. Jack: The other kids? They're okay, except for Kyle Suffield. Why? Is he pickin' on you or somethin'? Hey, hey. I have to go. What's going on with this Kyle kid? Nothing! You're the one that mentioned him. Is he some kind of bully or somethin', 'cause if that's what's goin' on here- Okay! He says I dress like a boy. That's all! I can deal with it, all right? (Birds chirp) Amy: Okay, now just use your reins to keep him straight, collect up on him a bit. Paige: I know how to ride a horse! What's wrong with him? Amy: He just has a bit of that race track mentality. Just keep your legs off him and your hands still. Whoa! What do you mean?! Easy, Paige! Paige: Help me! Agh! Amy: Easy, just circle up! Paige: Help! Amy: Paige, pull on your reins! Paige: What?! Amy: Pull it! Paige: Whoa! Whoa! Oh my God! Amy: It's okay. Whoa. Paige: Get me off this horse! Please! Amy: It's okay, it's okay. Take it easy, Dexter. Paige: (Gasps) He's still not back yet? Nope. I'm sure he has a very good reason. Oh, I'm sure he does. So, Lisa, um, that Lanny guy last night, was he just blowing smoke or what? No, that's Lanny. I think when it comes to his business, or a ranch, or even a buying a horse for his wife, he's gonna make damn sure he has the best of what's going. Mmm-hmm. 'Cause at one point he said we should talk. I caught that. That's kind of exciting. I would love to look at his portfolio. You would. (Chuckles) But let me give you a little bit of advice about dealing with him. He kind of flies by the seat of his pants. So make sure you're the one that follows up. Right. Thanks. (Door opens) Oh, look. Jack: (Sighs heavily) Lou: (Clears throat) It was you that asked me to come here and meet you for coffee, right? Yeah, yeah, I, uh... Oh, the time kinda got away on me a bit there. Let me guess... Yeah, Georgie. I was just gonna drop her off and then scoot right home, but, well, then she told me about this kid that's been teasin' her pretty hard, and it turns out that's the reason that she's been avoiding school, so I had a bit of a chat with her teacher about it and... I wanna hear all about it, but now I have to go to an appointment. (Chuckles) I understand. (Laughs) You understand? I'm the one that's been sitting here for an hour waiting for you! I know you have and I'm sorry, but I will make it up to you, I promise. Oh? I can't wait to find out how you do that. (Chuckles) Mrs. Roche: Hello! Hello? Hi there. Sorry, no one was at the front desk. I'm here to pick up Sparky. Right. Scott told me you would be by. I'll go get him for you now. Okay. What, what's this? (Confused chuckle) It's Sparky's ashes. I'm sorry for your loss. Mrs. Roche: (Shrieks) Oh my God! Oh my God! Scott: What's going on here? I just gave her Sparky's ashes. She's in shock. Scott: Ty... I'm sorry, Ms. Roche. Sparky is the Shepherd who needed to get his nails trimmed. There's been a misunderstanding and Sparky's just fine. I am so sorry. This is my fault. I mixed up the names. He's fine. I'll go grab him now. He's okay. You okay? I can't believe you let me get on that crazy horse! Excuse me? He's un-ridable! There is nothing wrong with Dexter, but he does need an experienced rider, which is what you told me you were. It's been a while, but I am an experienced- Oh, come on, Paige. I could see as soon as you got on that you were green. So first, you almost kill me and now you're insulting my riding skills? I do this for a living, Paige. If you really are serious about buying a horse, maybe I can give you some riding lessons, if you want to learn. Yeah, yes. But it's not gonna be on Dexter. It's gonna be on a horse that matches your ability. (Sighs) Okay, but please don't tell Lanny we're switching horses. He's gonna find out eventually. Not yet. Just let me deal with that. Okay. [SCENE_BREAK] (Knocking) (Door opens) Lou: Oh, hi. I was just on my way home from work and thought you might use some extra towels. Actually, we have plenty, but thank you. Oh, okay. I'll be getting home then. I have some more work to do before dinner. Oh. At Hubbard Financial, it's never just an eight-hour day. We're always working hard to make our client's money work hard for them. You know what I mean? Yes, I do know what you mean. Something told me this was about more than clean towels. Yes, it is, and I apologize. I'm overstepping my bounds. Don't you apologize. It was me who suggested that we talk. The truth is I'm frustrated. My advisors have been giving me dinky returns on my investments. Well, maybe there's something we can do to change that. I mean, I would be happy to look at your portfolio. Well, a second set of eyes never hurt. All right, I'll send you over my financials. Great. Ty: Somehow I mixed up the files and the names! (Laughing) No, no, no! Ty: It's not funny, Amy! You should have seen the look on her face! She was horrified! Both: (Laughing) This is really not funny! Come on! Amy: (Laughs hysterically) Aw, it was horrible! I could lose my job over this. You're not gonna lose your job, okay? It was an honest mistake. You'll go into work tomorrow and everything will be back to normal. I hope so. It will be, okay? I really hope so. Both: (Laughing hysterically) Ty: (Groans) Amy: (Continues laughing) Ty: Uh, hi. Hi there. Can I help you? Uh, I work here. Who are you? Cassandra Fay. Cassandra, um, I'm Ty. What are you, uh, what're you doing back here exactly? Oh, I'm Scott's new vet assistant. Tim: Hey, , how'd the ride go with Paige yesterday? She love Dexter or what? Uh, actually, she- (Car horn blasts) Tim: Geez, I wish he'd stop doin' that. (Dog barks loudly) Hey, you don't have to lay on the horn every time. Lanny: I got your cheque. Tim: Of course it does get my attention. Lanny: For Dexter. Thank you. I tell ya, I can't wait to see you get on that horse. You're gonna look like the queen of the rodeo. (Giggles) But we gotta get a move on. So you got any decent ranches lined up for us today? Tim: Yeah. Got a couple of beauties. Lanny: That's what you said yesrterday. Tim: Wish us luck. Amy: Good luck. You haven't told him about Dexter have you? I told you, I'll deal with it later. Okay. Amy: All right, you look good. Okay, I want you to keep your shoulders, your hips and your heels all in line. Okay. Amy: You don't have to be scared, okay? Klondike is a real sweetheart. I just took him on. Okay. (Chuckles) Amy: I promise. I want you to put some pressure in your stirrups, and when you're ready you just squeeze him forward. Paige: Okay. (Clicks teeth) Whoa! What's he doing? Where's he going?! Amy: It's okay. Just drop your hands, drop your hands. Paige: Ah! Okay. Amy: All right, you're just giving him the wrong signal. So, why don't we try something else? Okay, I want you to grab tight onto your horn. Paige: Okay, I don't know much about horses, but I do know that's a dead giveaway that somebody can't ride. Amy: Okay, well, these things, they do take time. Paige: But I don't have time. Lanny wants to see me ride, so can we step up the training? Amy: (Cell phone rings) Okay. (Phone beeps on) Just give me two minutes. (Sighs) Hey, Ty. Whoa! Slow down, slow down. You were fired? Jack: Hey, look who's here. Hi! Hi! Lisa: How are you? Mallory: Good. Lisa: Wow! You look great! Mallory: Oh, thanks! It smells good in here. Did Lou cook muffins? No, I baked croissants. Jack: Lisa's spoilin' me with a picnic lunch today. We are going to eat all our favourite foods from our time in France. Wow! Look at you all cultured. (Telephone rings) Lisa: I'm kind of proud of them. Look at them. Hello? Yes, it is. Oh boy. I certainly will. Thank you. (Phone beeps off) Let me guess: Georgie. Yeah, she got into a dust up at recess there and now she's been suspended. Lise... I, uh... I have to go. This is getting ridiculous. Who is Georgie? This really is getting ridiculous. No, seriously, who is Georgie? Amy: I still think we're going a little fast. I mean, wouldn't it just be easier for you to tell Lanny? No. You don't know him like I do. I've been with him for 3 years, i've worked with him for 5. You work for him? Yeah, that's how we met. I'm his VP of marketing. Oh, sorry, I just- I didn't think- Yeah, most people don't. They assume I'm just some gold-digging trophy wife. Let's just get on with this... lesson, okay? Okay. Pretty simple - I just want you to go to the right of this pole and weave your way right to the end, okay? Okay. Amy: You can just go at a walk, a trot, whatever you feel. Paige: (Clicks teeth) Amy: That's good! Look where you want to go, pick him up a little bit. Oh, not that much! Paige: Whoa! Whoa! Amy: Easy, easy, just say whoa! Paige: Oh my God! (Shouts) Amy: It's okay. Paige: That's it! I can't do this! Okay, just stay calm, okay? Paige: Please, I just wanna get down! Lou: Hey, look who's here! Auntie Mallory's back! Yay! Whoa! What's with you? Nothing! Just no one cares that I'm back. Lou: I do. Hello? Why do you think I texted you? Really? I thought it's 'cause you needed a babysitter. What?! No! That is not... The only reason. I knew it. (Sighs) Please, Mallory, just for an hour, okay? I've gotta look at this guy's portfolio. He's a heavy hitter and I could really use the business. Fine! Under one condition: Just tell me what's up with this Georgie kid. Yes, absolutely. I am gonna tell you everything later, okay? Thanks, Mallory! I really appreciate this. Okay, bye-bye, Kitty cat. Katie: (Giggles) Mallory: Hey, I did miss my Kitty cat. Did you miss your Auntie Mallory? (Light knock) Hey, Scott, how's it going? Can't complain. I heard you ran into a few snags moving into the Hanley's. Lou: Oh, yeah, you know, nothing a bunch of money, inconvenience, and hassle won't fix. Scott: Hey, I was looking for you. I was just wondering how those new horses from the McSlade ranch were doing. Really. Um... is this a bad time? Amy: Well, it's kind of awkward. What do you mean? You just fired my boyfriend. You fired Ty? (Shocked) This is news to me. Really? Ty thinks you let him go. What's up with that guy lately? Well, he's, you know, he's stressed about exams and studying and... You should probably let him know he still has his job. Actually, Scott, I think I know what's weighing on Ty's mind. He proposed to Amy and he didn't exactly get the response he was looking for. Mallory: Jake! I was surprised to hear from you. Yeah, I just got back. No phones in Nashville? Look, I'm sorry. You don't owe me an explanation. Jake, don't be like that. I'm back and it's for good now. I'm happy for you. Look... I've got a ton of homework to do, so... I'll see later. Lisa: Hello? Jack: Hi! I'm sorry for leaving you. Lisa: Again. Jack: I know. I just need to get this situation under control. What if you can't do that? What do you mean "can't"? Well, I mean... What if it's too much for you? You know, raising an 11-year-old, that's a lot of work. For someone my age? No, Jack, it's more about where you are in your life! You raised a child. You practically raised your grandchildren! I mean, why are you always the one that has to jump to the rescue? Haven't you cleaned up enough people's messes at this point? Oh, so what, I should just turn my back on her? Georgie: Sorry to cause such a mess. Jack: That's not what Lisa meant. She just wants me to think through what's best for all of us. You mean what's best for her. Okay. I'm gonna leave this to you, okay? Jack: I'm sorry. Lisa: Mmm-hmm. You call me sometime. That is not fair. She's put up with a lot since she got back, and you know what? Maybe she's right. Maybe I am too old to take care of a girl like you. A girl like me? That's right; A girl that skips school and gets suspended for fighting. Well, that's your fault. I beg your pardon?! You told my teacher what was going on! I was gonna tell her myself. You made me look like a total wimp! So what, you had to go punch out Kyle Suffield? Yeah. I hit him hard, hard as any boy could. Then he cried... like a little girl. Well, okay, maybe I did jump the gun with your teacher, but you better make sure that I never ever get another call like the one I got today. Do you understand me? I gotta go do some homework. (Sighs heavily) Amy. Dad, did you find Lanny a ranch today? He didn't like any of them. I got one more to show him tomorrow and that's it. His standards are too high. Of course I shouldn't complain because that's why he bought Dexter. Amy: Actually, can I talk to you about that? Tim: Well, no, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I plan on giving you a cut. Amy: No, no, that's not what I mean. What the hell are you trying to pull? Tim: What? How dare you put my wife on a dangerous horse! She actually said that? Oh, she told me the whole story - And you can keep that nag you switched for Dexter! What're you talkin' about? This is what I was trying to tell you. Dexter isn't right for Paige, but- Well, that's a pleasant way to put it. He damn near killed her! I want my money back! You mind telling me how I just lost 30 grand? (Truck rumbles to a halt) Amy: I can't believe you told him we tried to sell you a dangerous horse! I couldn't tell him the truth. I don't get it. You can't ride, so what? Is he really gonna hold that against you? I don't know, he might. Why? It's kind of hard to understand, okay? Well, try me. (Sighs) Lanny is a very wealthy man and so are all of his friends, and they all talk like they've been everywhere and done everything. It's intimidating. You're right, I don't understand. So I told Lanny that I grew up on this big ranch filled with prize horses. And you didn't even grow up in the country, did you? Actually, I did, just nowhere near a ranch. I grew up in Barnwell, above my family's grocery store, until it went bankrupt. You must think I'm such a fraud... Because that's exactly what I am. (Horse whinnies) Mallory: What do you think you're doing? What does it look like I'm doing? It looks like you're wasting your time because you're not riding him. Amy said I could. Who do you think you are?! And what're you even doing here?! No one else seems to have time to tell me. Look, I just wanna go for a ride, okay? Well, you can't. He's my horse. You should thank me for riding Copper. He's way out of shape. That's why I'm taking him for a ride! Fine! He's a boring horse anyway! Who's the kid?! Okay, look, I will tell you all about this Georgie thing, but only if you promise to come by tonight around 6:00. You need me to babysit again. Just promise me you'll be here. Fine, whatever. Just explain to me who the kid is. (Dogs bark in kennel) You seriously thought I would replace you? There was this new girl here, Scott, and... Come on, man! If I was gonna fire you, I'd at least do it to your face. I know, man. I just thought with these mistakes that I've been making recently that- Hey, at least you didn't mix up the dogs' files until after the cremation. (Chuckles) So who is this Cassandra girl anyway? She's a vet student at the U of C. Things are pickin' up around here so I thought we could use the extra pair of hands, and now you'll know someone when you get in. Oh, if I get in. It seems like a pretty big "if" at the moment. Can I give you a piece of advice? Sure. You need to stop obsessing. Scott, my finals are in a couple of weeks. If I'm gonna get into vet school, this is exactly when I have to start obsessing. (Sighs) I'm not talkin' about school. Well, I don't really wanna talk about that, so... Okay, I understand. Thank you. (Birds chirp) Then what is it, sweetheart? I haven't been entirely honest with you. Come on, how bad can it be? Just tell me. If it's okay, I think I'd rather show you. Amy: How are you feeling? Good? Paige: Mmm-hmm. Amy: All right, I want you to take one hand and put it on your saddle horn - hang on tight, okay - and when you're ready, I just want you to squeeze your legs and click to him. Feel secure? Yeah, I think so. Amy: Okay, go ahead and cluck. Paige: (Clucks teeth) So I take it Dexter wasn't the problem? No, but he wasn't the right horse for her either. And you've been giving her lessons? (Clicks teeth) Look at you! Queen of the rodeo! (Chuckles) Hi, honey. Lou: Hey. I, uh, spoke to Lanny. Turns out the last place that I showed him on my list he loved! Lou: Wow. Yeah, he still hates me, but he's gonna honour my finder's fee. Hmm. So I guess I owe Amy an apology. How big of you. Yeah, I wasn't too optimistic about that one. It's got a state-of-the-art cattle facility. It's got a big house, a big view, but... But? Tim: But I just don't see how he's gonna make any money off of it There's not enough land to make an income. You can't feed a decent sized herd. Well, don't you think you should tell him that? He loves it. He just wanted a place to show off to his rich friends in the city. I think I can do better. You've looked at our financials? Lou: Yes, and I don't agree with your advisors' investment plan. See, honey, they're being too conservative. No, it's the opposite. I don't think they can stand up to you. Look, they obviously know you have this "go big or go home" attitude and it's clouding their judgment. Mr. Barrick, you need someone who can save you from yourself. Is this how you court someone's business, by insulting them? Come on, Lanny, let's hear her out. So give us an example. Well, there's the ranch. Um, you know what? That's not- actually, let's talk about your stocks. No, no, no wait. Go back to the ranch. It's not a good example. But you brought it up. It sounds like a nice weekend getaway, but it's a poor investment. Your father recommended it. Well, yes, but you didn't take him with you, and if you had he would've noticed there isn't much land. More land equals more cattle, which equals more money. Just like the first ranch that we saw. Paige, do you want to live in that decrepit old house? Knock it down. Build yourselves a new one exactly the way you want it. So you're saying we could actually make money out of this hobby. Hmm. Ty: Nice, nice! Lou: You guys, I think I hear her! Shh! Shh! Ty: Oh, hide, hide, hide, hide! All: (Shouts) Surprise! Lou: Dad! Tim: What?! Jack: We're doing a thing for Mallory here. Tim: Oh. Jack: What is your problem? Tim: My meddling daughters is my problem. First Amy blew up my deal with Dexter, and then you had to open your mouth about the ranch! He decided not to buy it? He decided to buy the first one that he looked at, which is the only one I don't get a finder's fee on! He asked for my professional opinion, Dad. Uh, uh, guys! Lou: What did you want me to do? Tim: You sold me out for a client? Lou: That is not fair! That is not how it happened! Ty: Guys, hold on a second, okay? Amy: (Whistles shrilly) Tim: I did... All: (Half-hearted) Surprise! Surprise, surprise, surprise. Welcome home. Good to be home. Come here. (Horn blasts outside) Tim: Hey, I know that horn. Lanny: Hey. Thought I'd stop by before we headed back to the city. Amy: Where's Paige? Lanny: She's off saying good-bye to Klondike. Amy: Okay, we'll see ya. Lanny: All right. You really impressed me, Lou. I'd like to see what you can do with a portion of our portfolio. The better you do, the more I'll let you manage. Thank you. I won't let you down. And I do appreciate all the legwork you did to find us a ranch. Well, I'm just glad you found a place. And sorry about that little mix-up with Dexter. If it's any consolation, we'd like to buy Klondike. Except he's not my horse. You're gonna have to talk to Amy about that. You know, when I first met you, I thought you were out to take advantage of a weekend cowboy. But I can see now you're a stand-up guy. You've earned something more important than my money, Tim. You've gained my respect. Paige: You're such a good boy! We'll be back real soon, Klondike, and I can't wait to see you again! I think he likes you. Yeah? Yeah. (Laughs) I think we make a good match. Bye. So we'll be in touch. Yeah. Oh, um, by the way, I told Lanny everything. And? He said that's why I've risen to VP of marketing so quickly. I always do what I gotta do to land a deal. Bye. See ya. Mallory: Thanks for meeting me again. I do owe you an explanation. I was miserable in Nashville, okay? And I was afraid if I heard your voice on the phone I'd miss home even more. Really? I swear. I did miss you, a lot. So, new car, huh? It's pretty cool. Come on, let's go for a ride. Lisa: You should have told me about Georgie. I know. And I don't think you're too old. (Chuckles) Seriously, I don't. I think if anybody can keep up with that kid, you can. (Snorts softly) You have more energy than a man half your age. I don't know how you do it. I was thinking about our first day in Paris and walking all over the city on foot. You were amazing. (Snores) You sure you're all right to take a night off studying? Yeah. Those exams are driving me crazy. Amy: You keep saying that, but I think we both know that's not it. Ty. Come on, we should talk about this. Ty: No. I just need to let it go... Because I love you, Amy. We agreed that we were gonna wait, so it'll happen when it's supposed to happen. I know it will. Come on, let's go for a ride. Amy: Where? I don't know. How about back to normal? ...Find it in the sun now come around oh, now come around people, yeah! oh, now come around come around now, around now oh, now come around

Tim hopes for a big commission when he helps a wealthy weekend cowboy look for his dream ranch, while Amy's stuck teaching the client's trophy wife how to ride. Lisa is back but Georgie keeps interrupting Jack and Lisa's time together. Mallory comes home. There's a new vet student at the clinic named Cassandra Fay.

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"Uncharted Waters" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna *Cut to Dawson's room. Pacey is pulling darts off a dartboard on Dawson's door.* Pacey: Well, I think darts may be my destiny, Dawson. Travel around the world as an international renowned master of the darts. I found my calling. *He looks at Dawson who is studying some papers scattered over his bed.* Pacey: What're you doing over there? Dawson: Well, I rewatched a bunch of movies and I think I need to dub in some complicated relationships. Trying to, you know, write some complexities of a character in the movie...layer it a little bit. *Pacey laughs. He walks over and takes a seat in the chair next to the bed.* Pacey: There's the Great Santini. Dawson: Classic dysfunctional father-son relationship. Pacey: It's a father who thinks his son's a screw-up, huh? Dawson: Yeah, pretty much. Pacey: Yeah, well, you can skip a Blockbuster moment, Dawson. You're going to get plenty of insight into that on our little fishing trip this weekend. Dawson: Come on...okay, granted your father's a little tense but you tend to exaggerate just a little bit. The Great Santini bounces basketballs off his son's head to make a point. At least your father respects you enough not to do that. Pacey: Ah, yes, respect. Do you respect your father, Dawson? Dawson: I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't. Pacey: That's not the answer. Dawson: Do you respect your father? Pacey: Well, I mean, John Witter, the most well-know, well-respected man in Capeside. Fights for safety, fights crime, locks up bad guys, helps little ol' ladies across the street, how could you possibly not have respect for a man like that? Dawson: That's not an answer, either. *Pacey laughs.* Dawson: Good ol' fashioned father-son fishing trip. Why do I sense disaster? Pacey: Tell you what. *gets up and walks toward dartboard* Why don't we let the darts do the talking, huh? If I can hit a bullseye with this *motions to dart in hand* dart in my hand, you and I are in for a weekend of good fun, big fish, and good ol' father-son bonding. *He throws the dart. Dawson and Pacey go up to see...they turn around.* Dawson: Best 2 out of 3? Pacey: Yeah. *Cut to two people on bikes coming down the street being followed by a patrol car, as they near we realize it's Pacey and Dawson and the patrol car quickly turns on its siren to signal them to stop. John Witter steps out of the car.* John: Dawson Leery. Capeside's own cinematic wonder kid. *They shake hands. Dawson smiles.* John: You aren't going to go forgetting us when you become a big wig out in la-la land, are you? Dawson: I wouldn't worry about that, Mr. Witter. John: I'm sure you'll come back and visit Pacey at whatever fast-food joint he's flippin' burgers at. *Pacey turns around and has a frustrated smile.* Pacey: The Witter's all come from a long line of illustrious professions requiring uniforms. Right, Pop? John: *turns back to Dawson* Dawson, I spoke to your pop. I expect you both on the dock at O-600 hours. Now, come prepared, both physically and mentally, because you are going to be fishing in the presence of greatness. We are going to bring back the tournament trophy, Dawson. Or we are going to end our lives at sea. Pursuit of the big one that got away. Dawson: Well, I don't want to disappoint you. My dad and I are not exactly accomplished fishermen. John: *laughs* Dawson, I have no doubt with your brain and committment to excellence, you'll make a first-rate first-mate. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, keep Pacey out of trouble for me. Will ya? Dawson: Okay. *John Witter gets in his car and drives off.* Pacey: Aye-aye capitan. Dawson: Your father's classic, Pacey. Pacey: Oh yeah, he's a classic, alright. The man thinks my IQ matches my age. You hear that crack about flipping burgers? Dawson: Pacey, he was obviously kidding. *Pacey just sighs and turns around and starts biking for school. Dawson stares after him... Cut to Capeside High. Dawson and Joey are walking together down the hall.* Joey: How's your movie coming? Dawson: We're in hell right now. We're in scout locations, cast, affording roles, scrounging props and wardrobe, realizing that budget really isn't as big as I first thought it was. Joey: Sounds like your typical pre-production chaos. Dawson: Actually, it's really not even chaotic. Jen has everything under control. She's like the troubleshooting dynamo, putting out fires before they even ignite. *Joey's obviously irritated by this.* Joey: Hm, well, she's never worked on a film of this capacity...how does she even know what to do? Dawson: I don't know. She's got this inate talent for it which is causing me to step up my game as a director, which is great. Joey: *getting really irritated* Wow, that's great. Too bad she didn't work on your last movie, I mean, think of how much better it would have turned out. Dawson: Joey, I'm not comparing her to you... *Joey raises her eyebrows as if to say, "Uh huh..sure.."* Dawson: (cont.) ..working on that movie with you was one of the best periods of my life. I'm just saying it's a surprise, that's all. Joey: Yeah, who would of thought? *Jen walks up* Dawson: Jen, that's funny. We were just talking about you. Jen: *laughs* God, dare I ask? Dawson: I was just singing your praises, telling Joey what an incredible job you're doing producing. Jen: Thank you. Joey: Oh, yeah, I'll just leave you two professionals alone to collaborate. Jen: No, Joey! Actually it was you I was looking for. Dawson: Great! I gotta go, anyway. See ya! Jen: See ya! Um, Joey, I need your help, okay? See, I promised Gail I'd give her a hand in this newsreport that she's doing-- Joey: Gail? Mrs. Leery? *Joey seems disturbed by this, also.* Jen: Yeah, um, yeah, she's doing a newsreport on teenage girls as the new consumer phenomenon. You know, what they think, what they like, what makes them tick, blah blah blah. Joey: Oh, so now in your spare time, you're helping produce newsreports for Gail. Jen: Hardly, I wouldn't say that. She's just letting me watch her in action and you know, pick up a few tricks of the trade. Um, anyway, we really need girls to come by Dawson's house tomorrow to-- Joey: Spill their guts on local television? Jen: No, no just answer questions on what it's like being a teenager. We really need girls who are thoughtful and articulate and no one speaks their mind more eloquently and honestly than you do. *Cut to rise of sun coming up over creek. Cut to Dawson and his father walking down the dock.* Mitch: Look at this. *motioning to fishermen nearby* All these people with profound connections to the sea. I mean the idea of the ocean, boundless, mysterious. Life at sea is just about as romantic as love. Kind of makes you want to chuck it all and become a fisherman, you know? Dawson: Fish is a viable corruption for you now? Mitch: Ohhh, maybe. Dawson: What's next, Dad? A fireman? *Cut to Pacey tying some rope. Cut up to Mitch and Dawson.* Mitch: Permission to come aboard, sir. John: Ahoy, mate! Permission granted. *Mitch laughs. They shake hands* John: Hi ya, Mitch. Mitch: How ya doin' John? John: Dawson. *Dawson sets his stuff down next to Pacey. Pacey stands up.* Pacey: Oh, God! Ya know! *Cut to a picture of Jack running down the dock with his stuff, back to Pacey* Pacey: Dawson, I completely forgot to tell you something yesterday and you are just going to kill me for it. *Cut to Jack who drops something and picks it up and keeps running. Back to Pacey.* Dawson: Who's being melodramatic all of a sudden? *Jack reaches the boat.* Jack: Hey guys! I'm sorr-- *Dawson turns around and Jack looks disappointed that he's coming and same with Dawson to Jack.* Jack: Sorry I'm late. *Dawson gives Pacey a look as Jack climbs aboard the boat.* John: Pacey, start the line. Pacey: Yes, sir. *He checks the side of the boat.* Alright, she's clear. *The boat starts to move away from the dock as an angry Dawson puts a hand on the dock holding it for as long as he can before he's out there with Jack.* *Cut to Andie and Joey walking towards Dawson's house as Jen greets them.* Jen: Hey guys! Thanks for coming. I'm really glad you could make it. Joey: Couldn't resist seeing the hot new producer in action. *Abby walks out of the house.* Abby: Oh, wow, I like that camera guy's angle...if you know what I mean. Andie: Oh God, not you. Abby: Rude. Where's the love? *Gail walks up holding some camera equipment.* Gail: We're going to get started in a minute. This was a great idea, Jen. This is going to be fun, don't you think? *Joey looks at her and nods...a little too much. They follow her into the house. Cut to Jack bringing a fishing pole out to the backside by Dawson. He tries to set it up but he can't.* Jack: Guess my little secret's out. *Dawson just stares at him.* Jack: You wouldn't exactly call me Ishmal. Ishmal...Moby Dick... Dawson: Yeah, I read it. Jack: Yeah, right. Well, this is going to be a fun weekend. Dawson: So why'd you come, Jack? Jack: Look, Dawson, I didn't realize you were going to be here. It's a little late for me to make an exit now and survive so why don't you and I try to deal with our little problem here. Dawson: There's no problem here, Jack. I'm just...amazed at your confidence, you know? That you'd leave your girlfriend alone, this whole weekend, this early on in your relationship while things are still new and vulnerable, still trying to figure things out. 'Cause it's right about now, some new guy, some bumbly, naive, artsy type is going to come along and steal her away right from under your nose. And, trust me, that sucks. *Dawson storms off as we go to a pan across the top of the boat with Pacey in the crow's nest holding up a sign that reads '53' to a nearby boat. Cut to Gail being filmed with Joey and everybody around her.* Gail: Okay, what do you think is the most important issue facing teenagers today? *She looks around the room.* Joey! *holds microphone up to her, Joey just sits there.* Anyone else? *nobody says anything* Jen, can I talk to you for a second? Jen: Sure, Gail. *They leave the room.* Gail: We've been at this all afternoon and we've still got nothing. Do you think the formality is making everyone uncomfortable? Jen: I think having everybody in one room is making everybody uncomfortable. *Cut back to the living room. Abby is flirting with the camera guy.* Abby: That camera equipment looks really heavy. You must be built ram-tough. Camera Guy: Naw, it's really not that heavy. *Gail and Jen walk in and the camera guy walks back over by the camera.* Gail: Okay, everyone listen up. Jen has this great idea. Instead of doing this interview right out of the gage, why don't we spend a little time bonding? You know, make it a Ladies' night. Abby: Ladies' Night? How long are we gonna be here? Andie: Yeah, Abby's got to make the rounds on her broom. Abby: And Andie's mom might start roaming the city, foaming at the mouth. Gail: Hey, hey, hey! Let's just get to know one another a little better. Connect with one another, okay? Abby: Oh, God, I'm going to need a drink. Gail: No alcohol, but I do have enough junk food in that kitchen to fulfill anyone's cravings. And it's all yours, if you bear with me. *Cut to the fishing boat.* John: Gentlemen, this is not a pleasure trip. You are not on a Carnival cruise, we've got a job to do. We need to work together like a well-oiled machine. Somewhere out there is a fish. A very big fish that's going to hitch a ride with us back to Capeside. Mitch, you and Dawson work the port rigs. Mitch: Aye-aye, Skipper. John: Jackie Onassis there can handle the starboard poles with me. Pacey: That makes me the odd man out. John: Yea. Pacey: You know, Dad, I may not be a charter member of the National Brain Trumps but I think I know how to handle a fishing rod. John: Pacey, I need you to do everything else. Rig the begs, raise and lower the anchor, back up the anguish. Your job is most important. Who do you think raised the flag in Hiroshima? General McCarther? No, it was the grunts. Pacey: Dad, we're fishing. Not storming the beaches of Normandy. *John just laughs.* Pacey: *under his breath* This sucks. John: A lot of things in this life suck, Son. It's my job to prepare you for that inevitability. *Cut to Jack swatting a bug by his ear, the Dawson and Mitch leaning against the side of the boat, then a far off view of the boat. Cut to Andie eating Chester's corn puffs it looks like...something like that.* Abby: I'm bored. I think it's time for a field trip..upstairs.Cruise the contents of Dawson's room....don't even try and pretend you're not interested. Joey: It's up to Abby to come up with the most obnoxious pasttime imaginable. Abby: Fine! I don't mind flying solo. *She heads upstairs...Jen, Joey, and Andie follow.* *Cut to Jack handing Dawson a sandwich.* Dawson: No thanks. Jack: Look, Dawson, it's not imperative that you and I become friends. Dawson: Good. Jack: I just thought it might be nice that's all. *Jack takes off his life jacket and sits down.* Jack: You don't know this, alright? I didn't steal Joey away from you. I mean, you of all people should know that she's got a strong will and is as intelligent as a Rhodes scholar...she's not the kind of girl who lets herself get stolen. Dawson: You don't know anything about her. And, secondly, if you think everything's over between Joey and me, and done with, you're massively dillusional. Jack: Maybe. Fact of the matter is, Joey and I have something and you aren't going to like it. But if you have any respect for Joey, you better respect me. *Dawson just raises his eyebrows. Jack walks away. Cut to Abby opening Dawson's closet doors.* Abby: I think I'm on the verge of uncovering scandalous comfort wear...*looks at an outfit* Yep, I think I've hit pay day! *Jen and Joey close the closet doors on her and Jen leans against them. Joey laughs.* Abby: Guys! *banging on door* Hey! Andie: Hey, guys. Guess what I found tucked behind Jaws? "Good Will Humping"! *Joey and Jen's eyes get big as they walk towards her and Abby comes out of the closet...literally not figuratively. Cut back to the boat.* Jack: Wo! Wo! Guys, I got one! *They rush over to him. John sits down and starts reeling it in and the line breaks.* John: Where's the new pole? Pacey: On the other side. What? It doesn't matter what side the pole's on. John: This is what I mean, Pacey. It's the same thing with you over and over again. The simplest instructions in the world and you find any excuse not to follow them. How do you expect me to give you more responsibility if you can't even adhere to the most rudimentary directions. When I speak, you listen. Don't think, just do! Please! I'm not asking that much! *He walks off. Dawson comes up* Dawson: I've finally shaken Jack for two seconds. Can you tell me what the hell you were thinking when you invited him? Pacey: I'm sorry, man. Andie's just been nagging me excessively about including the guy. He doesn't know any guys in town. His mother just keeps on getting worse and worse. I guess I took pity on him, yeah? Dawson: Alright, that's fine. But how could you forget to tell me? Alright, Pacey? Come on! I could of had some preparation time before facing my adversary. Pacey: You know what? Screw you, Dawson. Not all of us can be the fair-haired embodiment of perfection, alright? Not everyone gets wonder king and genious attached to their name. Some of us are just simple-minded folk trying to make it through the day without breaking anything. *Cut to the four girls sitting on Dawson's bed watching "Good Will Humping". They're making disgusted/laughing/surprised faces.* Abby: You are aware that where this tape begins, Dawson finished. Andie: Finished what? Jen: Shaking hands with the other boy. Joey: Waxing the bald-headed bishop. Abby: Test-firing the missile. Andie: Okay, I got your point guys. *they watch the TV. Joey turns her head.* Joey: How does she do that? Andie: I'm not that limber. Jen: Where do these women come from? *They all scream.* Jen: What sort of career is this?! Abby: Hey! Getting paid for something, you're good at...something they love. Hey Jen, in a couple of years, that could be you! *Joey and Abby laugh* Jen: You know what, that's really not funny. Joey: I didn't say anything. *Gail enters the door.* Gail: Hey ladies! *Andie jumps off and shuts of the television.* Gail: Whatcha watchin'? Andie: Um, nothing. Um, we're watching an educational video for school, it's, um, we're studying human anatomy! Abby: No, it's a porno we borrowed from Dawson's video collection! *Andie's eyes get huge.* Abby: Mrs. Leery, you have to face the music. Your son is a pervert! What! I'm not going to lie. Unlike some people, I do have morals. Gail: I think we should leave poor Dawson's room, don't you? *Abby, Andie, Jen, and Joey follow her out if the room. Jen stops Joey.* Jen: Joey, um, I've played armchair psychologists for so many hours, trying to analyze why you're so consistently hostile to me in your actions and your attitudes. And the only theory that I've been able to come up with is you somehow felt threatened by my relationship with Dawson, but that theory just doesn't stand up anymore. I mean, you won in that rivalry, Joey. Hands down. I just want to know why you're still treating me like I'm this vixen that came into town and stole away your one true love. Joey: You are so disingenuous. Jen: What? Joey: Look, you want our relationship to change, Jen? Then stop encroaching on what's mine. I mean, you systematically continue to recast yourself in my role. I mean, everytime I turn around I'm being replaced by you in some form, and then, you're fain, shocked, and surprised when I resent you for it. Jen: How have I replaced you, Joey? Joey: Oh, well, first you were Dawson's girlfriend, and now your his producer, his collaborator, his best friend. I mean, you've adopted his interest in his dreams and now his mother. I mean, what's next? Are you going to get a job at the Icehouse and take up watercolors? Jen: I love how you demonize me, Joey, instead of recognizing your own, rampant insecurities. Joey: Fine, maybe I am slightly insecure, but maybe you just won't own up to your own motives. See, when Dawson chose me, I think your ego was bruised. And deep down, you still want to win. You still want him back. [SCENE_BREAK] *Cut to the guys entering a bar by the dock.* John: Alright, now, although today's display of angling ineptitude reached a new low, we'll put it behind us. Oh, hear that! Mitch: What? John: It's a dartboard calling my name. Who's man enough to go toe-to-toe with the master? C'mon, Mitch, you and me, buddy. Mitch: I'll give it a try. John: Drop anchors there, boys. *Cut to Dawson, Pacey and Jack playing pool.* Dawson: I hope my dad doesn't have too much fun otherwise by tomorrow he'll be drawing up plans to open a seedy, dockside tavern. Pacey: How could you possible find justification to criticize a man like your father? Dawson: I'm afraid his mid-life crisis isn't going to end. He's going to wind up a homeless street mime. What the hell is your problem? Pacey: You don't see what's going on, Dawson? *Dawson just stares at him cluelessly.* Pacey: Come on, nobody's that oblivious. Not even you. Dawson: Alright, then why don't you tell me whatever it is you have up your ass 'cause you're about to rip the felt. If you're mad at your dad, tell him. If you're mad at me, let me have it. Pacey: It's just that simple for you, is it, Dawson? You can just go up to your dad and say 'Gee whiz, pop, I have a problem. Let's talk about this. Heart-to-heart, man-to-man.' That's your wonderful life, not mine. You've gotten a glimpse into the hell that is my life. Dawson: So then why is my mere presence suddenly a detriment to your happiness? *Jack walks up.* Jack: So that Mr. Witter has put you up on such a towering pedestal that you're what? A mere presence, Dawson? C'mon, it's an icon Pacey couldn't possibly live up to! *Jack walks off.* Pacey: It's your shot. *Cut to the Leery living room. Gail is interviewing the girls.* Abby: Adults idealize their childhood, and that leads to censorship. Gail: Thank you, Abby. So Andie, why do you think girls are such trendsetters? Andie: Well-- Abby: Well, it's not because they're so cutting edge. It's because they're insecure. And popular culture capitalizes on that. I mean, girls think, "If I go out and buy this lipstick...," or, "If I watch that TV show.." or listen to this music, I'll be popular. I mean, look around this room. Every one of these girls is incredibly insecure. I mean, I can't even speak my mind anymore without stomping on somebody's feelings. I make a cancer joke, and Joey gets upset. Or I make a crazy joke and Andie gets upset. Or you make a crack about ho bags and Jen starts humping the couch. Jen: Oh, screw you, Abby! Abby: See what I mean? Gail: Okay, stop rolling, Perry. Abby, I think we've heard enough of your opinions so...thank you for coming. Abby: You're asking me to leave? Uh, you can't be kicking me out because what about sisterhood and all that junk about female-bonding. Gail: Goodnight, Abby. Abby: What kind of journalist, are you? Oh, yeah I know. A trashy one who sleeps around. *Cut to the boat tied by the dock. Dawson walks up by his dad who's laying out his sleeping bag.* Mitch: Hey. Dawson: Hey Dad? What are you going to do? Mitch: Well, I just thought I'd sleep right out here under the stars. Dawson: No, not that. I mean....with the retaurant...Mom....your life? Mitch: I wish I knew. Dawson: Are you okay for money? Mitch: Yeah, for now. Dawson: Dad, I gotta be honest. I mean, as glad as I am that we can have this father-son bonding moment...I think a weekend fishing trip would be the least of your priorities...I mean, shouldn't you be out trying to procure some kind of employment or at least establish a game plan? Mitch: I'm sorry you're disappointed in me. I want to be the kind of man that you can respect. But, I don't know, there must be something out there, musn't there? Something for me. Something that I can put my heart and my passion behind. Now, I can't stop lookin' for that...until I find it. *Cut to the bar.* John: Good game, Pete. Where'd everybody go? Pacey: They went back to the boat. John: Pacey, c'mon, you and me. Good ol' father and son. One on one. Pacey: You're drunk, Dad. *John downs another glass.* John: Look, Pacey, I know you think I'm being hard on you but it's my job to protect you. C'mon. Show me what you got. Let's go! Let's see what you can do. This youth against the master. You ready? Pacey: The master, huh? *John laughs.* John: Watch this....you ready? *throws dart* There! This will warm you up a little bit. Go ahead. Pacey: Warm me up? John: Watch this guys! Pacey: Strike out that arm you know? John: Hey, come on. *Pacey smiles and throws the dart.* Pacey: I'm sorry. John: Don't try or nothing here, Pacey. Watch how it's done. *throws dart* Beat that! *John laughs. Pacey beat his dart.* John: It's done very simply. *he throws the dart* YES! Beat that! *hits him on the shoulder* BEAT THAT! *Pacey turns and looks at his dad's serious face, turns back to the dartboard, and purposely blows it.* John: Listen, there's nothing wrong with losing, Pacey, as long as you do it gracefully. GREGORY GET ME A DRINK! I won! *Pacey grabs the darts off the board...the first dart he throws hits the bullseye. Cut to Jen, Joey, Gail, Andie, and the camera man in a dimly lit living room.* Jen: I think that Abby was right. About the fact that, I mean, the reason teenage girls are such consumers is from the fact, I mean, from insecurity. *timelapse* Andie: I, um, have this need to look and be perfect. My home life is in total chaos and I feel like if I get straight 'A's or if I'm involved in every activity, then...you know, people won't know that I'm this fraud and that I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. *timelapse* Jen: I mean, when I first came here from New York, I felt relief. Trying to compete in that hyper-accelerated world, I mean, I was in the fast lane to self-annihilation. And then, when I got here, I figured maybe I didn't have anything to prove and that I could finally slow down. But having all that experience just came back to haunt me. I mean, in New York I was the precocious ingenue and in Capeside, all I'll ever be known as is the New York wild child, town slut, bad girl... *timelapse* Joey: So when somebody comes along who has seen things that I've never seen or done things that I've only dreamed about, my defenses go up because I...I can't compete with that. I don't know. I think...I think I'm just Joey Potter, you know? You know the small town girl who will live and die on the creek. You know, and as much as I completely disdain that identity, you know, it's all I've got. And I dunno, so if I ever feel like, you know, somebody is going to steal that measly bit of self that I have or that or that small amount of love that I've somehow managed to accumulate, I feel threatened and I go for the jugular. I admit it.....I admit it... *Cut to Dawson climbing onto the boat where Jack's laying down.* Jack: Hey Dawson! Dawson: Jack, whatever it is, I'm tired and I've had enough drama for one day. Jack: Oh, I think I'm going to be nautious. Dawson: You're sick? Jack: Yeah. The boat's just still rocking...I've been trying to play it cool...but ever since I set foot on this boat...I've felt like I'm going to barf. Dawson: I know the feeling. This isn't exactly how I envisioned this whole father-son outing. Jack: I haven't had a father-son weekend in a long time. Dawson: Where is your dad, Jack? Jack: I tell you where he's not. He's not here. Of course, if you ask my mother or my sister, they'll tell you he's up in Providence taking care of the business. Truth is, he's up in Providence 'cause he left us. Dawson: I know how that feels. Jack: Dawson, your father moved up the street. My father's gone. Try and put that in perspective. *Cut to Pacey walking his dad, who's drunk, down the beach. They fall.* John: We're on the ground. *He closes his eyes and falls asleep or passes out.* Pacey: So I guess this is as good of time as any to have that father-son talk. *in a gruff voice* So, how ya doin' in school, Pacey? *back to normal* Actually, Dad, I'm doing alright. I'm really turning things around. Turns out I'm pretty smart. *gruff voice* Good man, Pacey. Always knew you'd turn out to be something. How the ladies treating you? *back to normal* Well, I met this woman. *gruff voice* Is she cute? *back to normal* *laughs* Aw, cute, man. Andie's beautiful. She's smart. She's funny. I tell ya, this girl is something special.For whatever reason, she seems to think I'm pretty special, too. Why can't you see that? Why can't you see me, huh? When did you give up on me? When I was 5? 10? 12? I'm 16 years old, Dad! *starting to cry* And I'm here and I'm not provin' that but I'm tryin' so hard for you. It's your job. It's your job to love me no matter who I am or what I become because you're my father! You're my dad! You're supposed to love me you son of a bitch. I can't do this by myself. *Cut to the boat in the morning. Jack is asleep in a chair. Something starts pulling on his line.* Dawson: Wo! Hey! John: That's it. Whew! Pacey: On 3. 1...2...3. *Jack and Pacey lift the rod out of the holder.* John: Don't panic! Keep your back straight in that chair. Pacey: Wait a second. Slow it down and pull it up at the tip. Ready? Go. *Jack does so.* Pacey: Okay, when you go down reel. *Jack goes down.* Pacey: Reel! Reel, reel, reel! Hey, nice fish you got on there, Jack. Reel, reel, reel it! Jack: You do it! John: Come on! Jack: Here! John: Get in there, Pacey. *Pacey sits down and starts reeling him in.* John: Alright, give him some line. We got a big one out there the size of Texas. Keep him coming. Keep him coming...yes...come on....come on... *They finally get the fish in and they take a picture of Pacey holding the huge fish.* *Cut to Gail and Joey in the Leery kitchen the next morning.* Gail: Joey, I just want to thank you for everything. I just, I can't tell you how much it meant to me. Joey: No problem. I'm going to go home now. Gail: Um, honey...I, um, have a confession. As I was listening to you girls talk so beautifully about your fears and your dreams...I started to feel a little bit sorry for myself. Joey: Why? Gail: I don't know. I think, you know, because I've always wanted a daughter. I mean, I love Dawson more than life but men are men...and women are women. Joey: Right. The great divide. Gail: But then I realized....I have you. You're my surrogate daughter, Joey. I have always felt that way and, honey, I am so proud of the woman you've become. Come here. *They hug.* Joey: Thanks. *Cut to Andie walking outside. She sees someone sitting in the lawn chair and walks towards them. It's Abby.* Andie: Abby? What are you still doing here? Abby: I'm waiting for my mom. She thought I was spending the night. Andie: Have you been out here all night? Abby: What do you care? Andie: I don't care. Abby: I bet you don't. Andie: Well, Abby, what do you expect? Your favorite pasttime is making my life a living hell. Abby: That's not what I do. I play such a crucial role in this little circle and you all are too unimaginative to even notice. I'm the girl everyone loves to hate. I'm the scapegoat. I'm the one you can take all of your anger and aggression out on and never lose a moment's slept over. Andie: Um, excuse me. You have it mixed up, Abby. You trash us. You're mean. Abby: Well being sweet is boring! I don't have family lives like you guys. My mom isn't a lunatic. My dad isn't in prison. I'm not the prodical daughter from New York. My parents' divorce is boring. My house is boring. There's no entry. No drama. So you know what? I create drama. And I think it's a valid extra-curricular activity. Andie: Abby, you don't even realize how lucky you are. What you have, I've always wanted. I've always dreamed of. A normal life with regular parents and regular problems. Abby: Well, the grass is always greener right? Andie: Interesting. Abby: Yeah, whatever. My mom's here so I guess I'll see you in school. *She walks away and she turns back around.* Abby: Do you need a ride or something? Andie: Sure. Thanks, Abby. *Cut to Joey walking into Dawson's room where Jen is.* Jen: Hey. Joey: Hey, um, listen... Jen: You know, Joey-- Joey: No, let me talk. I've been thinking-- Jen: I know, I've been thinking, too. Joey: No, I've been thinking more, okay?! *Jen laughs and Joey sighs. They sit on Dawson's bed.* Joey: I've been thinking that it kind of sucks that, uh, the people who I respect the most are the people who I've become the most competitive with. I wish there was some way to, uh-- Jen: You know for all your thinking, you're not being very articulate. Joey: *smiles* I'm trying to apoligize here. Jen: I know, I know, and I'm kidding. Joey, I'm sorry. I mean, I totally understand what you're trying to say and, um, I think that you're right. That we have been locked at a stalemate for way too long. And I think that there's room in Dawson's life for me...without replacing you. Joey: No, listen Jen. We can sit here and rehash all of our old problems and disect and deconstruct all of our petty rivalries but I guess what I'm trying to say is that...I respect you. I respect who you are. Jen: Thanks, Joey. Joey: Sure. Jen: You, too. *Cut to Pacey and his dad accepting the fishing trophy. Then to Dawson standing by Jack. Dawson sticks out his hand towards him.* Dawson: See you, Jack. *They shake hands.* JAck: Yeah, see you, Dawson. *Cut to Pacey and his father.* Pacey: I will never in my life for as long as I live forget the feeling of adrenaline that I got when I felt that one strong tug on the line and I knew that the fish had surrendered to the greater power. John: *handing him trophy* Here, you take this, Pacey. Pacey: Thanks. John: Be proud of yourself. Enjoy this moment. You probably won't have many more like it. *John walks away and Pacey sighs and sits down on a crate. Dawson walks over.* Pacey: Do you have any idea how many times I set myself up for that one? I mean, over and over and over again, I just can't seem to stop myself from trying to get one unqualified, "Good job, son." from that b*st*rd. I really must be a Simpleton. Dawson: I know it sounds the same, but there are people in your life whom recognize and respect your talent and intelligence. One of them is standing in front of you, and the other one is probably sitting in her bedroom right now, having a perky coronary in anticipation of your return home from the sea. Pacey: Yeah...yeah...thanks, Dawson. *Cut to Dawson and his dad unloading Dawson's stuff from his car in front of the Leery house.* Mitch: Listen, Dawson, father-son relationships are excruciatingly complicated. I mean, I spent my entire life trying to figure out the dynamic I had with my own father. But, uh, I'll keep trying. Until the day I die. I'll do the best I can to be the best father to you that I know how. Dawson: Dad, I know. And thank you. Mitch: For what? Dawson: For allowing me to make a multitude of mistakes, never making me feel inadequate. I know that my ability to dream without boundaries comes from you and you've never disappointed me, okay? I mean, I worry about you, but I respect you more than anybody I've ever known. And I know, especially after today, how lucky I am to have you as a father. Mitch: Come here. *Mitch pulls him in for a hug.* Dawson: Don't get all sappy on me now. Mitch: Thank you, Dawson. *Mitch starts to go inside but then remembers that it's not his home anymore.* Mitch: Goodnight, Son. *Dawson goes into his house as we fade to end credits.*

The gang explores uncharted waters when Dawson and Pacey go on a father-son fishing trip with Mitch Leery and Pacey's critical and abusive father, Sheriff John Witter, who uses the trip to tell Pacey how useless he is. But tensions really begin to rise when Pacey invites Jack along, who tries to make amends with a reluctant Dawson. Meanwhile, Jen, Joey, Andie and Abby spend a day with Gail doing a report on teenage girls in the consumer world with Abby naturally not passing up the opportunity to insult and provoke conflicts and tension between Mrs. Leery and the girls.

fd_Frasier_04x05

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Act One Scene 1 Caf Nervosa. Frasier and Niles are standing at the bar waiting for their coffees. Frasier: So I decided it was time I got to know some of my colleagues in the media. Niles: But a convention? You've never shown any interest before. Frasier: They've never held one in Aspen before! Niles: Just think: hundreds of radio psychiatrists all in the same location. One well-timed avalanche and the dignity of the entire psychiatric profession would be restored. Frasier: [laughing] Oh, good one. I can always count on you for some witty retort. Niles: Mmm... I insult you and you compliment me. Could the request for a favour be far behind? Frasier: Damn, you are perceptive. Niles: Oh, stop it. Frasier: Oh, all right. Listen, Niles I'd like you to do my show for me for the week I'm gone. Niles: Me standing in for you? I'm sorry, Frasier. I couldn't presume to fill those big floppy red shoes of yours. Frasier: Please. Please, Niles. Look, I'm begging you. The station wants to replace me with Helen Grogan, better known as Ma' Nature. She does a gardening show and I'm just a little worried that a week of discussing well-rotted manure will weaken my listener base. Niles: It hasn't yet! Frasier: Very well. You leave me no alternative but to call in my marker. Niles: [worriedly] What marker? Frasier: Oh, I think you know. Niles: You wouldn't. Frasier: I would. Niles: You can't! Frasier: I will. Niles: That was three years ago. Frasier: I don't recall there being any statute of limitations. I distinctly recall that when you asked me to go out with Maris's sister, you said that you would owe me one forever. Niles: But you only spent one evening with Brie. That hardly compares with what you're asking me to endure. Frasier: Oh? Shall I refresh your memory? Midway through the opera her ermine muff began to tremble. As it turned out she had used it to smuggle in her adorably incontinent Chihuahua. Just as I thought we'd reached the low point of the evening I suddenly felt a sandpaper tongue licking my earlobe. Alas it did not belong to little Herv ! Fortunately my shriek coincided with the on-stage murder of Gondolfo! Roz will expect you on Monday at two. Niles: For your information Brie had a very tough road-a-ho growing up. It's not easy going through life with one nostril. Frasier: Did I mention she had a cold that night? Niles: Monday at two it is. [N.B. This episode was originally written with Frasier as the center of the action, but Kelsey Grammer had a medical emergency, and they re-wrote Niles into the part.] [SCENE_BREAK] STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND Scene 2 KACL. Niles is sitting in the booth listening to a caller drone on with an extremely bored look on his face. Roz is just sitting back smiling. Linda: [v.o.] And now we're at the point where all communication has broken down. He won't even listen to me. Niles: [bored] Linda- Linda: Do you know how annoying that is not to be listened to? Niles: [bored] Linda- Linda: It's driving me crazy. I was hoping maybe you would speak to him directly. Niles: Excuse me one moment. [presses the cough button] Thank you for the brilliant job of call screening, Roz. How do I get out of this? Roz: Did you ever think of saying you've other callers on the line? Niles: [back on air] Linda, I'd love to go into this in more depth but unfortunately we're nearly out of time and Roz has lots of other callers waiting anxiously on the line. Roz: Actually, Dr. Crane, all lines are open! Linda: So you can talk to him? Good. I'm putting him on the line right now. Go ahead! Niles: All right. Murray you're dealing with your problem in a very self-destructive manner. It won't be solved by refusing to eat. Do you hear me? There is a moment's silence on the other end then a cat meows. Niles rolls his eyes at the stupidity of it all. Linda: Oh my God, it's working. He's eating! Dr. Crane, what did you say to him? Niles: Well I'd like to tell you but that would violate Doctor-Cat confidentiality! [Roz signals that the show is about to finish] Oh, well Seattle, I'm afraid we're out of time. This is Dr. Niles Crane. One down, four to go. See you tomorrow! [talking through the intercom to Roz] That little bit of sabotage was not amusing. Roz: Then why did coffee come out my nose? Bulldog comes into the booth with his usual trolley of tricks and sound effects. Bulldog: Hey, Dr. Doolittle. I heard your show. It didn't suck! Niles: Ah. "Dear diary..." Bulldog: So how's it feel? Niles: Like I'm walking away from my lamppost and counting the bills in my garter belt! Bulldog: OK. [blows his whistle] Both of you get out of here. I gotta set up for my show. I got Reggie McLemore on my show today. Don't ask me why. Niles: I wasn't even going to ask who. Roz: He's a guard for the Sonics. Bulldog: He used to be unstoppable - 20 points a game easy. Now he's in the "tank." Just what I need on my show a loser. Reggie walks past the booth's window. Bulldog: Oh look there he is now. What an overpaid, worthless piece of... [Reggie comes through the door] HEY, REGGIE MY MAN! Reggie: You never call me unless you need tickets, man. What's up with that? Bulldog and Reggie go through some sort of ritual, grabbing each other's heads and knocking them against each other's whilst shouting. Needless to say, Niles looks on bemused. Bulldog: I love this guy. [introducing Reggie to Roz] Reggie McLemore, Roz Doyle. Roz: Hi, I'm a big fan of yours. Reggie: Thanks. Bulldog: [noticing Niles] I'd introduce you to this guy but he doesn't know squat about sports. Niles: On the contrary in prep school I was an ardent sportsman. Until an inflamed instep forced me to resign from the croquet club. Bulldog, Roz and Reggie just stare at him. Niles: I'll see myself out. Reggie: Wait a minute. You're the shrink. I heard you in my car on the way over. Niles: Dr. Niles Crane. It's a pleasure. Reggie: Hey Doc, wait. You sounded like you really knew what you were talking about. There's this little problem I've been having and I was wondering if maybe you could help me out? Niles: What is it? Reggie: See, for the last two weeks, every time I get my hands on the pill I choke. Niles: Well, have you tried mashing it with a spoon? Reggie: [deadpan stare] You don't watch much basketball, do you? It's my game, man. Because of me we've lost six in a row. Niles: Oh. Well, I'm not very well-versed in sports psychology, but I could certainly schedule a session. Reggie: No, no. I need something fast. We got Phoenix tonight. Niles: This is highly irregular, but since you're pressed there are some exercises I can suggest. Reggie: Oh, great. Thanks, man. Just name it tickets to any game you want. Niles: There's nothing wrong with your sense of humour. Have a seat. They sit down just outside the booth. Niles: We'll start with a positive visualisation. I want you to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. [Reggie does this] Good. I want you to imagine yourself on the playing surface doing whatever it is you actually do. Tell me what you see. Reggie: OK. Kemp's passing me the ball. I'm bringing it up court. I'm dribbling. Niles: [patting him supportively] Don't worry about your appearance. [Reggie looks strangely at him] Start again. I'll just be quiet. Back in the booth Roz is observing the goings-on. Bulldog is busy setting up for his show Roz: Can I ask you a favour? Bulldog: Yeah, forget it. He's married! Roz: Hey! That's pretty offensive. Why did you assume that's what I wanted? Bulldog: OK, then. What did you want? Roz: Well, I don't know. I just wondered if... Bulldog: [blowing a horn in her face] Time's up. Oh, by the way, if you're so hungry for some good-looking athletic guy, why won't you go out with me? Roz: [holding her hand up above Bulldog's head] If you're not at least this tall you can't go on this ride. Back outside the booth Niles is still "mentally coaching" Reggie. Niles: This next exercise is designed to block negative feelings. I've tried it myself. Simply take a moment. Think of something comforting from childhood: a stuffed animal, a dog- eared copy of Middlemarch. [again Reggie looks baffled at Niles] You may have other memories! Bulldog comes out the booth. Bulldog: Come on, Reggie. Ticket! Reggie: I gotta run. Thanks a lot, Doc I'll give it a try. Reggie holds out his hand to slap Niles. Niles fumbles about trying to do some form of high-five. Niles: Oh, wait. I saw this. It has steps! Reggie: [simply going for the option of ruffling Niles's hair] Later, man. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene 3 Frasier's Apartment Daphne and Martin are sitting in the living room. Martin is watching the basketball game on the television. Daphne: You know, according to this article... Martin: No, quiet! [Daphne looks angry while Martin remonstrates with the television] That's 3 seconds. Come on. He's camping out in the middle. No, don't double the ball they'll just sling it around for a three. There it is just like I said! [despairingly] Ohhhh! Oh, time out sure, now you listen to me. [to Daphne] Can you believe this? Two minutes ago we were up six points, now... Daphne: Quiet this is my favourite commercial! No, don't pick that floor cleaner. It'll give your floors waxy build-up! No, don't do it. DON'T DO IT! D'ohhh!! Martin: It's completely different. The doorbell rings and Daphne goes to answer. Daphne: That'll be Dr. Crane. It'll be a pleasure to be around one man who's not obsessed with sports. Daphne opens the door to Niles. Niles: Hello, Daphne. [notices the television on] Ooh, the Sonics are on! Excuse me. Niles rushes to the couch to watch the game. Niles: So, Dad... Martin: Hold it, Niles there's only nine seconds to go. Niles: What's the score? Martin: What do you care? [goes back to shouting at the television] Get it to McLemore. To McLemore he's got the hot hand. Yes. Come on, Reggie... UNBELIEVABLE! SONICS WIN! [claps his hands in delight] Niles: Oh, this is fantastic, Dad. Do you know...? Martin: Shush, Niles. I want to see the replay. Get it to McLemore. UNBELIEVABLE! [claps his hands in delight] Niles: You know, Dad, you might be interested to know... Martin: Quiet, Niles I want to see the interview. The sportscaster is interviewing Reggie on the television. Sportscaster: Reggie got a minute? Great game tonight. Seems like your slump is over. Reggie: Yeah, I was really feeling it out there tonight. Sportscaster: What turned it around for you? Reggie: Well, I was having a little problem getting my head together, but this radio shrink really helped me out. Dr. Niles Crane... [gestures thumbs-up to the camera.] Sportscaster: Well, good luck against Utah. Reggie: Thanks a lot. Sportscaster: Let's head it back upstairs. By this point Martin is looking incredulously at Niles who just sits there smug with himself. Martin: You? Niles: [laughing] Is that so hard to believe? Martin: Yeah! Daphne: When did you talk to him? Niles: He was on Bulldog's show today. We had a brief session in the hallway not more than two minutes. Martin: You turned Reggie's game around in only two minutes? Niles: You could be a little less surprised. I am a skilled psychiatrist. During sixteen years in the field I have developed certain instincts. Martin: I gotta say I'm impressed. Daphne: Yes. I'm starting to think I should spend an hour or two on the couch with you. Martin: Are you kidding? With Niles, it'd only take two minutes! Daphne smiles and goes through to the kitchen. Niles drinks his sherry looking at Martin who is grinning. Niles: Thanks, Dad! [SCENE_BREAK] HOOPLA Scene 4 - KACL. Niles is walking through the corridor to the booth. Worker 1: Hey Doc great job! Go Sonics! Worker 2: You the man! Niles: Thank you. Er... same to you. From inside another booth someone gives Niles a thumbs up. Niles returns the compliment before noticing his thumb. Niles: Heavens. I need a clip and a buff. Niles goes into the studio to find Roz in the booth with the day's newspaper. Roz: There he is the toast of Seattle. I suppose you knew you'd made the sports section of the paper this morning? Niles: Yes, I'd heard. I must admit I find this all a bit mystifying. Do people really care this much about a basketball game? Roz: Are you kidding? This is Seattle. It rains nine months out of the year. We take our indoor sports very seriously. Niles: Well, I know you always have! Roz: [forcing a smile] You're a hero today so I'm going to let that one go. The door bursts open and Bulldog barges his way into the studio. Bulldog: Pucker up, baby I'm planting a big wet one on ya! [grabs Niles head and kisses him on the forehead.] Niles: [shocked] Well, there's a layer of skin I'll be exfoliating this evening. Bulldog: [overjoyed] I had 200 bucks on the Sonics! Niles: Isn't gambling illegal? Bulldog: [to Roz] Isn't he the cutest? Roz: Oh, yeah. Bulldog goes to kiss Niles again but Niles pulls back. Bulldog: OK. I hope you don't feel this way about chicks 'cause I got one of the Sonics' cheerleaders coming on my show today and she really wants to see you. Roz: Believe it or not, Bulldog, not every man's dream woman is a pom-pom-shaking half-time half-wit. Niles: Is she the head cheerleader? Bulldog: Yeah. And she's coming in costume. Roz: Of course she is it's radio! [pushes Bulldog out the booth before turning to Niles with a stack of papers] Look at these faxes that came for you. Niles: Faxes? [reads them] "Seattle thanks you." "You're the Sonics MVP." [turns to Roz inquisitively] Roz: Most Valuable Player. Niles: Oh! "You're a genius." With the less common J spelling but still, his point is well taken. Roz: I bet you're feeling pretty good about yourself? Niles: Suddenly I'm being revered as a god by the same troglodytes who, in junior high school, tried to pack me into my own briefcase. It's glorious. Roz: Oh, I almost forgot the best part. [goes into her pocket] Reggie sent these tickets for tonight's game over. Niles: Oh. Well, I suppose I can't disappoint my new fans. Tell me, does one still wear a white sweater jauntily tied around the neck to these things? Roz: If one wants to get the crap beaten out of one! Roz goes into her booth. Meanwhile Martin comes through the studio door. Martin: Hey. Niles: Dad. What a surprise. Martin: I'm not interrupting you or anything, am I? Niles: No, no. Come on in. Is everything alright? Martin: Oh sure, sure. I was just having lunch at McGinty's and some of the guys would really like to meet you and I was hoping that maybe after your show you'd stop in there for a drink. I mean, I wouldn't ask you but some of these guys are my best buddies. Niles: Well actually Dad, Reggie just sent over these tickets to tonight's game. I was going to ask you to go, but since... Martin: [grabbing the tickets out Niles's hands] To hell with those guys, I'm there! Niles: I have to tell you I'm finding all this attention a bit overwhelming. Martin: Oh come on you deserve it. You're a hero. Niles: Perhaps it's time we put all this in perspective. The only real heroes are the fine athletes who worked so hard for two hours to win that game. My contribution was minimal at best. Bulldog opens the door to reveal the head cheerleader blonde, buxom and wearing very tight clothing. Bulldog: What did I tell ya, Doc? Cheerleader: Which one of you won the game for us last night? Niles: [pushing Martin out of the way] That would be me! The cheerleader goes over to "congratulate" Niles who looks happily shocked. End of Act 1 Act 2 AY, THERE'S THE RUB Scene 1 The Sonics game that night. Martin, Niles and Daphne are walking along the baseline to their front row seats. Martin is just saying goodbye to a fellow spectator. Martin: Nice seeing you too. Niles: Dad, it really isn't necessary to tell everyone we bump into that [loudly] I'm the one Reggie credited with last night's victory! Spectator: That was you? Martin: Yeah, yeah. That's my son Niles Crane. Niles: [sitting down on the baseline seats, unaware of their importance] They must have sold too many tickets. They've stuck us in these folding chairs. Martin: Wow. Right on the hardwood, five feet from the baseline. Niles chuckles along with Martin before turning to Daphne with a baffled look. Daphne: It's like front row orchestra, stage right. Niles: Ooh. Martin: Man, we're so close we're gonna get our teeth rattled when they center-pick. Again Niles smiles before turning to Daphne for an explanation. Daphne: It's like sitting close enough to get hit by Placido Domingo's spit. Reggie runs over to meet Niles. Reggie: Hey, N.C. you made it. Niles: I beg your pardon? Oh, "N.C." I thought you said Nancy. For a second it was prep school all over again. [introducing] Let me introduce - Reggie McLemore, Daphne Moon, and this... Martin: Marty Crane, Niles's Dad. I'm a big fan. I want you to know I never lost faith in you. Not when you were in your slump. Not when you tanked it in the playoffs. Not even when all my friends were calling you "Reggie HacLemore" [laughs] Reggie: What? Niles: This might be a good time to try that negative thought- blocking exercise. Reggie: Yeah, OK. You guys enjoy the game. I'll see you afterwards. Niles puts out his hand to "slap some skin" with Reggie but he just walks off. The buzzer goes and Niles just about has a coronary. Niles: What the hell was that?! Martin: That's the end of the shooter round. The coach is about to send the starting five in for the tip-off. Once more Niles turns to Daphne. Daphne: The stage manager just called places. Niles: Ooh. The scene SWITCHES to later on in the game. Daphne and Martin are nowhere to be seen so Niles is sitting by himself. He is surrounded by spectators out of their chairs booing and shouting at the court. Niles: I gather Reggie's not performing up to par this evening? Spectator: You got that from all the booing, huh? Nice counselling, Doc he's been throwing up bricks all night! Niles: Judging from that empty tureen of nachos and cheese you may be joining him. The spectator has had enough and leaves. Reggie runs off the court to speak to Niles. Reggie: Doc, Doc, you gotta help me out here. I don't know what's wrong. Niles: Perhaps you've forgotten some of my advice. Let's review quickly. Did you empty your mind of negative thoughts? Reggie: Yeah. Niles: What about the imaging exercises? Reggie: Yeah, yeah, I did all that. What else did you tell me to do? Niles: Nothing. Bulldog called you, you ran back in. Reggie: No, no, wait. Right before that I rubbed your head. I remember 'cause my hand smelled like peach and I thought, "What the hell does this guy wash his hair with?" Niles: Well, you can't possibly think that my head is some sort of lucky charm? Reggie: [ruffling Niles's hair] We'll know in a minute. Reggie runs back on court smelling his hand. Daphne and Martin return and sit down next to Niles. Martin: Hey, I saw you talking to Reggie again. I hope you gave him some more advice. Niles: I tried to but he has this absurd idea that... Martin: No, no, wait. Everyone cheers wildly. Announcer: McLemore shoots three. Martin: Unbelievable. What did you say to him? Niles: I didn't say anything that he could possibly... Daphne: Look, look. He's stolen the ball. The crowd cheer again. Announcer: McLemore. Three more. Daphne: [patting Niles on the knee] Oh, Dr. Crane, you're a miracle worker. What did you say to him? Niles: Oh, just something off the top of my head! [SCENE_BREAK] The scene FADES OUT with the crowd applauding again as Reggie obviously scores another. Scene 2 Frasier's apartment. Martin is sitting in his chair. Daphne is walking back from the front door having collected the post. Daphne: Ooh, isn't this nice? Dr. Crane sent us a postcard from Aspen. Martin: [uninterested] Great. How's he doing? Daphne: Let's see. [reading the postcard] "I delivered a speech at the conference last night. I was especially pleased with my opening line: 'My fellow psychiatrists, as I watched you on the slopes today I realised I had never seen so many Freudians slip!'" Daphne looks up in disgust at the pun. Martin just simply stares deadpan straight ahead. Daphne: [still reading] "As hard as you're laughing now, imagine the thunder of an auditorium of colleagues. Well, see you Saturday, Frasier." Well, I'd better get going. I'm meeting Joe at the movies. [checks her watch] Oh, bloody hell it's later than I thought. Martin: Enjoy. Daphne: [rushing out] Yeah. Enjoy your game. Daphne rushes into the elevator past Niles who's coming out. Daphne: Dr. Crane. Have fun at the game. Niles: I'm afraid we won't be going. Daphne: Ah. That's too bad. Niles: Want to know why? Daphne: Not really. The elevator door closes on Daphne. Niles pokes his head round the door of Frasier's apartment and finds Martin on the phone to Duke. Martin: [into phone] VIP parking. Uh-huh. That's courtside, pal. Right on the hardwood, I swear to God. And Reggie said the seats are ours for the rest of the season. I believe it's what they call "living large"... I don't know, somewhere on TV. Yeah, OK. I gotta go. Bye! [to Niles] Let's go, Niles. Niles: [uneasily] You know, Dad, I was thinking. Maybe we shouldn't go to the game today. Martin: [laughing] You know what I was thinking? Maybe we shouldn't go to any of them. [laughs again] You know, that's one of the best things about this whole thing. When was the last time you and I joked like this? Well, we'd better get going, 'cause it's late. Niles: Last night at the game, did you happen to notice when Reggie tousled my hair? Martin: Yeah, yeah. Let's go. Niles: Somehow, someway, he's convinced himself that that's what he needs to do in order to play well. Martin: Oh. Well, can we talk about it in the car? Niles: It has nothing to do with any advice I've given. It's all some sort of bizarre superstition and Reggie wants to rub my head again before today's game. Martin: Well, you know, a lot of athletes have weird superstitions. Niles: Yes, but I'm a psychiatrist. I can't let people think I'm treating the man when all I am is a rabbit's foot! I'd be taking credit for something I don't deserve. Martin: OK. What would you be taking credit for? Helping him. What are you doing? Helping him. I'm getting my coat. Niles: But I wouldn't be helping him as a psychiatrist. Martin: Oh, that's what's bugging you? People thinking you're a good psychiatrist? Niles: Exactly! Martin: Are you a good psychiatrist? Niles: Yes! Martin: I'm getting my coat. Niles: Dad, Dad, I'm sorry. We're not going. Martin: Aw, man, I knew you'd find some way to ruin this! [throws his jacket to the floor] Niles: Dad- Martin: Courtside season tickets; VIP parking. Niles: Dad- Martin: No. Hell, you've got to have your reasons. [mocking Niles] "It's my ethics. It's my integrity. It's my allergies." Well, that's it. [grabs his newspaper] I'm never getting my hopes up again. Niles: Dad, you can still watch the game on TV. Martin: [looking away from Niles] I don't want to watch it on TV! Niles: I'll get you a beer. Martin: [looking away from Niles] I don't like beer! Niles: Dad, you know I'm right. Martin: Will you look me in the eye and answer me one question: would you still be doing this if these were courtside seats at the opera? Niles: Yes. My ethics are ethics. And by the way where do you think I got those ethics? Martin: Oh, yeah. Throw it back at me. That's real mature! Scene 3 The game. A security guard is standing outside the locker room. Niles walks up to him. Niles: I'd like to talk to Mr. McLemore. Guard: Who wants to see him? Niles: Tell him N.C. is here. Guard: Nancy? Niles: No. [spelling it out] N-C. [the guard disappears into the locker room] What is so hard about that? Reggie comes out looking worried. The security guard is behind him and stands on the other side of the room. Reggie: Damn man, where have you been? I've got to be on court in five minutes. [goes to rub Niles' head] Niles: [putting his hand up] Stop! Before you rub your hands all over me, we need to talk. [guard glances over worryingly] Reggie: What's up? Niles: I'll come right to the point. This entire affair has grown out of control. I need to end it. Reggie: What are you saying? You're not coming down here any more? Niles: Well, no. We can still see each other to talk, but no touching. [Again the guard looks over] That part of our relationship is over. [notices the guard staring] Does this concern you? Guard: It's starting to! [he heads through to the locker room] Reggie: Come on, dude. [reaches his hand out] Niles: No. Now listen. Do you really expect me to drop what I'm doing and race down here every day just so you can run your fingers over my head? Reggie: Yeah. Niles: Listen to me closely. You are a gifted athlete with tremendous skill. Marshal your talents. Concentrate. Focus. The key to your success is to trust your own God-given abilities. It has nothing to do with my head! Reggie: [thinking] It must be your hair. Niles: [losing his patience] Will you stop it? You're obsessing! Reggie: Come on, man just let me touch it? At this point the guard comes out the locker room, hears that last line and immediately turns round and walks away. Niles looks exasperated. Niles: No! You have to look at this logically. I can't come down here for every game and I certainly can't go with you when the team is on tour. This is not a long-term solution. What you need is legitimate therapy. You want to start? Come inside I'll give you a quick session. We can proceed from there. Reggie: Yeah, you're right, Doc. What I need is a long-term solution. Niles: Good. Niles heads off into the locker room. Reggie turns to one of his team-mates who has just came outside. Reggie: Yo Frank, let me see those scissors. [takes scissors out of his bag] Coming, Doc. [follows Niles into the locker room] End of Act 2 [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne and Martin are playing cards at the table. Niles is sitting reading the newspaper. Martin leans over and ruffles Niles's hair, much to Niles's displeasure. Next thing Martin wins his hand and after clapping in delight he turns back to Niles to ruffle his hair again.

Frasier is about to spend a week in Aspen at a psychiatrists' convention, and he asks Niles to stand in for him at KACL. The first show goes badly. While making way for Bulldog in the studio, Niles meets a basketball player called Reggie, who is having trouble maintaining his focus during the game. Niles gives him two minutes' worth of advice in the corridor, and later that day Martin sees Reggie win a game for the Sonics on television. Niles is hailed as a hero in Seattle, and given VIP tickets to the next game, but he soon discovers that it was not his psychiatric expertise that Reggie believes helped him; it was his hair.

fd_Open_Heart_01x05

fd_Open_Heart_01x05_0

(Low hum of chatter) London: Then you need the decaf... Dylan: Hey! London and Seth: (Chatter) Hey, London, can I talk to you for a sec? London: Oh, actually, Seth and I are grabbing coffees before our shifts start. Uh, it-it can't wait. Sorry. Seth: I'll see you later. Well, uh... okay. Bye! (Quick kiss, receding footsteps) Dylan: What? London: Don't "what" me. What, you? You wanted to talk, so talk. Dylan: Okay, um... London: I have to get inside. Dylan: I have to talk to you! London: This is just like you. Ever since you were five years old, you stomp around in your moon boots... Dylan: My moon boots? London: Demanding my attention, and then when I give it to you, you clam up and expect me to read your mind. Dylan: Sometimes you aren't easy to talk to, okay? Why are you pissed at me anyway? I'm not pissed. I'm just... I'm busy. Dylan: With who? Burgundy cardigan? (Tires screech nearby) London: His name is Seth! (Loud crash, tires screech) Man: Aggghhhh! (Grimaces in pain) Help! London: We need a gurney! Man: My leg! It's broken! London: Stay back, Dylan. (Pants rip open) London: Sir, I need to stabilize. What are you doing? Dylan: It's gonna be okay. What's your name? Man: Donnie... Doe. Dylan: Well, that sounds made up. London: Dylan, I said back off! Dylan: I was helping! London: No you weren't. You were in the way. Come on, let's keep his leg immobile. Come on, get him on the gurney. Try to stay still. It'll be less painful. 'Kay, let's take him to the er. (Unlocking clicks) (Heartbeat pulses) Dr. K: Since when do we treat patients outside and let volunteers help? London: It happened so fast, Dr. K. We had to do something. Dr. K: Fine. This man gets the best care this hospital has to offer. He's your only patient until he's discharged. Got it? I'm at a conference this afternoon. Can I trust you'll take care of this? London: (Sighs) Yeah. Dylan: I'm sorry. I feel horrible. London: I've gotten much worse lectures from Dr. K, believe me. It's fine. Dylan: So can we talk now? London: I gotta go, Dylan. Dylan: Tonight then? I'll buy all the stuff we need to make the mini-pizzas and we can binge-watch season 5 of Buffy. You know, Ben is glory. Glory is Ben, right? And then we can talk. London: I'm working. Dylan: Tomorrow? London: Dylan, no offense, but if I can get a free moment, I'm gonna spend it with my kinda-boyfriend. (Low hum of chatter, Dylan sighs) Hud: Hey! Phone not working? I texted you last night. I got nothing. No pics, no random emojis, not even an lol. Scarlet: Oh, well... Hud: Oh, I see. So you were obviously on a date last night. Scarlet: Yeah. He's a banker. Hud: Fancy. Scarlet: Next date is number five, and if it goes well, we're probably gonna be exclusive. Hud: Good for you. Scarlet: Thanks. I knew you'd be cool. You don't really care about stuff. Hud: Sounds like me. Scarlet: I mean, relationship stuff. Hud: Yeah, I know. I hope you and Mr. Banker live happily ever after. You're the best, Hud. (Low hum of chatter) Jared: The Dawsons are stuck in the hospital for their wedding anniversary. Wife broke her hip, husband threw his back out trying to help her. Mikayla: You want us to keep their spirits up? Wes: Reminisce about the good old days, which they probably won't remember, so we can... get a little creative. Hey, we don't treat seniors like second-class citizens at this hospital. What are you, wolves? Act like humans. They want help recreating their first date. Make it perfect. Mikayla: 'Kay. Wes: Hey! Hi! Mrs. Dawson: Hi! I'm Wes, this is Mikayla... Mikayla: Hi! Wes: And we're here to help bring a little magic to your anniversary. Mikayla: What are your plans... candlelight dinner? Some big band music? We'd like popcorn, cotton candy, and our favourite movie, Casablanca. I think we can handle that. We'll track down a copy. Mrs. Dawson: No need. Mikayla: Oh... (Laughs) Wes: Whoa. Mikayla: Is this... ? What is this? Mrs. Dawson: Oh, it's wonderful to see young love. Mikayla: Oh, no, we're just friends. Wes is super into another girl, but he's too chicken to say anything. Mr. Dawson: I was mighty scared to ask Rosemary out, but sometimes you just gotta go for it! Mrs. Dawson: It's true. You hear that, Wes? You just gotta go for it. (Chuckles, embarrassed) Donnie: Doc, when are these painkillers gonna kick in? 'Cause I can tell ya right now, I feel 'zactly the same. London: They actually "kicked in" a while ago, Mr. Doe. And based on the x-rays, you'll need surgery to repair the break in the thigh. We'll insert a metal plate and a series of screws into the bone. Donnie: (Giggles) Bone. (Knock a the door) Dylan: Hello! Anybody in need of a tasty frozen treat? Donnie: Love it! Dylan: Yeah? What's your poison? Donnie: Well... orange is my favourite. Dylan: Coming up! London: No frozen treats! He's about to go into surgery. Dylan: Oh. Anything else I can do? Fluff your pillow? London: We're in the middle of something and this guy has a serious injury. Yes, I know. Excuse me for wanting to help, and spend time a little time with my sister. What? That's what this is about? Us?! Yes. Of course this is about us. You think I care about Donnie Doe? Donnie: (Giggles) Can we at least have lunch together? London: Fine. Lunch. In the meantime, just, come on, shoo! Wes: (Sighs) Okay. Loud thump) Overhead projector, laserdisc machine... No prehistoric VCR. Sorry, Dawsons, you're outta luck. Mikayla: You're grumpy. Wes: Well, you called me a chicken. Mikayla: I was joking. Hey, do you remember Greg the horrible? He was here when I first started volunteering. Why are you bringing up that meathead? Remember he called me all these names 'cause my hair hadn't quite grown back yet? Yeah, that guy was such a tool. I mean, after everything you'd been through... Mikayla: We barely knew each other then, but out of the blue, you went up to Greg... all two hundred meaty pounds of him... and said, "you can call me whatever you want, but her name is Mikayla." (Sighs) But even Greg never called me a chicken. Mikayla: You're not. But you have to tell Dylan how you feel before you explode. Wes: (Exhales) Look, the timing sucks, Mikayla, okay? And if I ask her out while she's going through all this terrible stuff, then I suck. Mikayla: For suggesting something awesome in the middle of all her terribleness? Something that might actually make her smile? Dylan: I interrupted something. Mikayla: Oh, no, not at all. I have a classic movie that I need to download and Wes has something he wants to ask you. Wes: Uh... how'd it go with your sister? Well, we're having lunch together, so that's good news. I have even more good news. Dylan: Yeah, what's that? Wes: Um... Mikayla and I are organizing this anniversary date for this elderly couple up in long-term. Dylan: That's cute. Wes: It is! We're gonna watch Casablanca. Maybe... you could join... Me for the screening? Share a bucket of popcorn? Um... I don't know. After I talk to London about my dad, who knows what's gonna happen. It could be fun, you know. Take your mind off the sad stuff for a bit. (Sighs) It's just not a good time. Yeah, that's what I said. Okay, I'll catch you later. Cashier: Here you go, Sir. Hud: Thank you. Seth: Come to my lab. Nurse: Yeah, for sure, Seth. This is awesome. Seth: Yeah, it's just around the corner. You can't miss it. Nurse: Okay, no problem. We gotta have lunch. Seth: Okay. Okay, bye. Nurse: Bye. Hud: Hey, buddy. Seth: Me? Hud: Of course, you! I saw you chatting that nurse over there. Seth: Oh, April? Yeah, we went to university together. No idea she even worked here until a few days ago. Hud: So... you and her um... ? Me and her... ? Oh, no. Um... I'm dating London. That took, huh? That's all I needed to know. Uh, April, right? Seth: Yeah. Uh, London said you and Dr. McWhinnie were a thing. Hud: Not anymore. Seth: Ah! Looking for a new girl to fill the void in your broken heart? Sure. We'll talk about it over an appletini sometime. (Seth chuckles) Dylan: Salad? You brought salad? What happened to eat-all-the-fries London? It's okay, I got extra. Where do you wanna sit? London: Uh... let's see what Seth says. Thought this was supposed to be just us. It is just us. And Seth. Do you hate me that much? It's like you go out of your way to avoid me. I'm not. Stop being dramatic. I am not being dramatic! (Tray clanks) Maybe you should not be here today. Maybe you're right. (People chatter) (Sighs) You're happy now (Door slams) Is the world spinning away You need, you do... floating... Richard: Go, Dylan! Go, go, go, go! Nope! No, no, no! Jump! Come here, come here. (Laughing) Come here. Okay. Let me see those keys. Okay, so... Mrs. Inez gave me her extra key... (Key and lock click) And she said that we could use her storage locker if we needed any extra storage space. (Whispering) Go in. Go, go. ... trust your mind, (Keys jingle) you seem so small (Key and lock click) that was years ago Sometimes I just... I... I just come here to think, you know? Yeah. Hey, Dylan, you know you... You gotta always have a good place to hide, right? 'Cause then no one bad can ever find you. Okay? Dylan: 'Kay. Richard: Okay. Eleven-year-old London: Ready or not, here I come! Richard: Shhh! Shh-shh! It's her. Yes, we've grown apart It seemed to me It was with you from the start Yearning to find yourself a home Ooh... Dylan: London? I need you to come home so we can talk about dad. (Sniffs) Something was really wrong with him. He was sick. (Papers rustle) London: Dylan? Dylan: London! (Papers rustle) London: What's going on? Dylan: (Sobs) (Sniffles) Remember dad had a key to this unit? He used to come down here to think and store stuff. This is his stuff? He's schizophrenic. London: 'Kay, that's not true. I found out he was taking anti-psychotics and seeing a psychiatrist. Think about it, London. All those stories and games he used to make up it tracks. I-is this normal? London: Okay, let's just... There's no way that mom would've kept this from us. Schizophrenia is hereditary. What if I have it, too? I'm paranoid and I'm obsessing, and I-I feel crazy, and I... and dad's still out there, missing, and he's confused and scared... London: Hey, hey... Dylan: And we-we have to find him. London: We don't know what's going on yet, but please... don't think stuff like that about you or about dad. I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you today. I just didn't know how to talk to you about this stuff. London: Stop it. Don't worry. 'Kay, well, I'm calling mom. She took the day off, but she wasn't upstairs. (Phone rings) London: Yeah, she's... she's not picking up. Dylan: Well, should we wait? Shouldn't you be back at the hospital watching Donnie? London: No, Hud's covering for me, and I want the truth now. Oh, I set up her phone. We find her phone, we can find her. She's at a hotel? London: What? [SCENE_BREAK] (Inaudible page over the hospital pa system) Hud: Hey! Do you like all the... Do you like those restaurants that bring all that stuff out on those little plates? April: Tapas? They're called tapas. Hud: Right. You wanna go to one sometime and... Eat a bunch of little food? April: Hmm. I'll wear my littlest dress. That is an amazing idea. How little is this dress? (Heels clack) Seth: Whoa! Scarlet: What was that? What-what was what? You thumbs-upping Hud talking to that nurse. Is something going on there? They're-they're talking? Why is he doing this at work? It's Awkward. Seth: You know, it's not my business, but can't he talk to whoever he wants? I mean, after all, you ditched him. He's kinda hurt. Scarlet: He said that? Ridiculous! Seth: Okay. (April and Hud chat quietly) Scarlet: What the hell, Hud? Stop telling people that I hurt you. It's all over the hospital. I heard it from the lab guy! I never said you hurt me. Scarlet: Good. Because you said to my face that you were cool with ending our thing, and if you weren't, you should've said something to my face. Not behind my back to a bunch of randoms! I don't want everyone thinking I'm a bootch. So. (Chuckles sheepishly) April: I don't really like tapas. Right. Mikayla: Okay. Ready? (Whispering) How'd it go? Wes: Casablanca is all cued up. Gonna use this to project it onto the wall. (Key clacks, opening music starts) Wes: Okay. (Whispering) I asked Dylan to watch it with me, but she's got stuff going on. Mikayla: Watching a movie with a geriatric couple at work doesn't count as a date, Wes! You need to try again. Wes: No way. I "went for it" and failed. I'm done. Mikayla: What? You can't just give up just like that. You like her. Like crazy, insanely much! Wes: Yeah, and if she smiles at me, or does something really sweet, I... I will just shove all my feelings down in my stomach until they form a bleeding ulcer. But I will not "go for it" ever again. Now, can we just zip it and watch the most romantic movie ever made, please? Seth: Hey, buddy! Hud: London asked me to cover broken femur guy for her. I need these run ASAP. Seth: Right-o. Oh, so how'd it go with April? Kind of terrible. Seth: Hey, can you not... those scopes are set to a specific resolution. Hud: Oh, are they? Are they? Seth: Dude, stop! What's the deal, man? Hud: You told Scarlet I was hurt? Since when are you the hospital gossip? I got trapped. When I get trapped, I tell the truth. Hud: Yeah, well, what the hell do you know about it? Seth: Well, you seemed bothered that Scarlet ditched you. Di... (Huffs) What are... look, I wasn't ditched or bothered, so just stay out of it, okay? Seth: Okay, okay. I wanna stay out of it, believe me. But you might feel better if you stop repressing that kind of thing. Hud: What kind of thing? Seth: You're in love with Scarlet. Dude! I know what love is. Scarlet and I are not it. Seth: Oh. So who are you in love with? Hud: Bye. Seth: (Laughs) See ya, buddy. Hud: We are not buddies! Seth: You came to talk to me about your problems. Twice. We're buddies. (Birds chirp, traffic rumbles) London: Maybe she took a spa day. Dylan: And got a room? Why is mom being such a weird show? Dylan: I still can't believe you convinced the desk clerk to give us the room number. They should not give out information like that. Dylan: You just have to act like a total spinwad, and be like, "I am so sorry, but I totally lost my room key and my mom's going to, like, fuh-reak! Can you please help me?!" (Giggles, then sighs) London: I want you to know that I don't hate you... And I'm sorry I didn't listen to you earlier. It's okay. We're just different. London: Yes. But you always have me. You never have to go through anything alone. We always have each other. Got it? Jane: Girls? What're you doing here? You can't be here. Dylan: Why? And what's with the hotel room? London: We came to find out if dad was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic. Okay, um... look, girls, we were managing his illness. He had medication, he had therapy, and it was working. And then it wasn't. Jane: We tried... you have to believe me, I tried. I save people everyday, and I couldn't save my own husband, not from this. I loved him, girls, I really did. But by now, he is probably gone. For good. (Door opens) (London sniffles) Dylan: What in the hell. Dr. K: Uh... Shouldn't you two be at the hospital? Dylan: So you two could sneak away for a hotel tryst?! Jane: No. You weren't supposed to find out like this. This is not a fling. We're in love. Dylan: (Derisive chuckle) Well, congratulations! Dr. K: O-okay, let's all sit down and talk about this rationally. If we stay calm... London: Oh, shut up! (Hard punch) Jane: London! London: Aggghhhhh! Ugh! Hud: Didn't think you had it in you to punch anyone, let alone Dr. K. London: Whatever. He deserved it for lying about him and my mom. Did you have any idea that they were together? Hud: I stay out of other people's business. Seth: (Snorts) London: How's broken femur guy? You and Seth worked together? Seth: We sure did. London: What did I miss? Hud: Nothing. Surgery went well, your patient's in recovery. Seth: Does it hurt? London: Yeah, it really does. Seth: Awww... (Light kiss) (Low hum of chatter, heels clack) (Seth and London chat quietly) Hud: Hey. (Sighs) I'm sorry we fought. Me too. It was stupid. Forgivesies? I would never say that word, but... yeah, sure. Let's hang out tonight. What happened to Mr. Banker and date number five? Scarlet: He cancelled. Something about his wife... That I did not know he had. What a jerk, huh? Maybe I should just stick with my simple, uncomplicated, undemanding Hud. I'm a bit wiped, actually. Boo. Another time maybe? I don't think so, Scarlet. Helen comes over in sequins and Silver... Dylan: Hey! Wes: (Nervously) Hey. Dylan: Look at this. (Keys clack) My dad drew this a bunch of times. It's the same graffiti. He used to tell me that you should always have a place to go when "the bad people" are after you. If my dad was sick and scared, he would hide. Wes: And you think this graffiti drawing is a clue to where he's hiding? Dylan: Maybe. What do you think? I think it's a leap, but you might be right. Dylan: Yeah. Yeah, I am right. I know it! Oh, hey, I almost forgot. (Wes's phone vibrates) Wes: Did you just gift me a download of "Fast & The Furious 6"? Word on the street is you love Vin Diesel. Wes: No, no, no. Mikayla always gets that wrong, it's the rock. I love the rock. He is-he is literally the most electrifying... (stops talking) Uh, why though? Dylan: I felt bad that I blew you off and missed the movie today. I was just hoping we could make it up. I'm pretty much in love with you. You... and the rock. More you. I know my timing's bad. It's terrible, actually! But I... I like you. I already said I love you, so I-I'm pretty sure you got I like you from-from that, but... look, I'm not trying to push anything, but I think you're amazing... And I just wanted to say it. Here we go We go...

Dylan makes a revelation about her father. Elsewhere, Hud and Scarlet's relationship takes a different turn, and Wes is encouraged to reveal his feelings for Dylan.

fd_Angel_03x21

fd_Angel_03x21_0

Cordelia: Previously on Angel: Holtz: "I want you to go out and find others like you." Holtz pulls out the awl pinning Justine's hand to the tabletop. Angel to Justine: "I'm not your boyfriend. Find somebody else to smack you around." Lorne: "Wesley's taking the baby away for good." Justine slits Wes' throat and runs off with Connor. Holtz to Connor: "Hello, son. I'm your father." Sahjhan: "What you're looking into is the Quor-toth, the darkest of the dark worlds." Holtz pushes Justine aside and jumps through the rift in the air with Baby Connor in his arm. Lorne: "To punch through to Quor-toth would require dark, dark magics." Cordy: "There's almost always some price to using primordial power." The monster drops through the fissure above the pentagram in the lobby, followed by Connor, who beheads it and points his stake launcher at Angel. Connor: "Hi dad." Angel: "Connor." Connor: "My name is Steven." Angel slams Connor up against the wall: "Listen to me." Gunn: "A couple of weeks ago he was wearing diapers, now he's a teenager?" Connor slams Angel up against the wall: "No!" Angel: "I lost you once already." Angel to Connor: "You're not alone." Connor: "I know." Fred: "We're just supposed to sit here with a fissure from a hell dimension in the middle of the lobby?" Meerna: "It's closed." Cordy: "Can you tell if anything else came through it?" Holtz steps out of the shadows in front of Connor. Connor: "Hi dad." Fred walks up to the rest of the gang waiting in the middle of the Hyperion's lobby. Fred: "Still no answer on his cell phone." Cordy: "That could mean something if he actually knew how to use it." Gunn: "Maybe we should head back out, start where we last saw him, see if we can pick up the trail." Groo: "A wise plan. I will assist with tracking." Cordy: "No." Fred: "But if something *did* come out of the portal, and if it *is* looking for Connor, and if Angel did find him..." Cordy: "He did." The lobby doors open and Angel limps in. Groo: "Angel." Cordy: "Oh my god." Gunn: "Bro, you're hurt." Angel: "I'm okay." Cordy: "You found him." Angel: "Yeah." Cordy: "And?" Angel: "And - we talked." Angel drops down on the settee with a sigh. Cordy: "Looks to me like he likes to talk with his hands." Angel: "Oh, he didn't do this to me. Not most of it, any way." Gunn: "So, is it for sure then? That kid really was Connor?" Angel: "Steven. His name is Steven now. - He's still my son." Fred: "So - where is he?" Angel: "Not sure. But he knows where I am. He'll be fine." Fred: "Actually - he might not be." Angel: "What do you mean?" Cordy: "Something may have escaped from Quor-toth before we had time to close the portal." Gunn: "Lorne's dimensional magic expert was picking up some seriously bad vibes." Angel: "So nobody actually saw anything else come out." Fred: "Well, not exactly." Angel: "And if my son was the last thing that came through..." Gunn: "Right." Fred: "But what if it was some vengeance-y else thing that's after Connor?" Angel: "He survived Quor-toth this long. He can take care of himself." Fred: "Okay. So he survived and unspeakable hell dimension. Who hasn't? You-you can't just leave him alone in the streets of Los Angeles!" Angel: "He's got to come back on his own. And he will. Just as soon as he realizes what he needs." Gunn: "And what's that?" Cordy: "A father." Connor: "A room." Connor walks up to the reception window of a motel and drops a handful of money on the counter. Connor: "I need a room for me and my father." Connor turns his head and looks at Holtz coming up beside him. Intro We get an outside shot of the French Cottage Motel in the morning sun. Connor walks out of the office carrying a newspaper. He sees a man take a bag of candy out of the vending machine standing against the side of the motel, and bite into it as he walks away. Connor walks over to the machine and starts to push the buttons. When no food comes out he rattles the machine, then picks the whole thing up and slams it down. Connor enters motel room 204 carrying the newspaper and an armful of junk food. He closes the door and drops the stuff on the table. Connor: "I found food in a big metal box outside. - Dad?" Holtz comes out of the bathroom. Holtz: "Oh, good boy. You got it." Connor hands him the paper. Holtz: "Now. Let's have a look at the date." Holtz stares at the paper then drops down on the end of one of the beds. Holtz: "Days. We've been gone only days." Connor: "I don't like this place. So many people. It's not like home." Holtz: "Quor-toth was never our home, son. It was our prison. I should have known that one day *you'd* find a way out." Connor: "The cracks were there already. I just made the sluks show me. That's all." Holtz gets up: "Frightened rats, forced to flee to daylight. (Pats Connor on the cheek) My boy's smart." Connor: "You shouldn't have followed me here." Holtz sits down on a chair: "How could I not?" Connor crouches down in front of him, putting a hand on Holtz' knee. Connor: "I would have come back to you, after I killed him. (Straightens up and turns away) I'm sorry I couldn't." Holtz: "Of course you couldn't. It's not in you, son." Connor: "I've killed lots!" Holtz: "Only when you had to, only to survive. (Gets up) And that's not the real reason why you worked so hard to get here. You wanted to see him." Connor: "No." He walks past Holtz and sits down on the end of the bed. Holtz: "It's alright son. There is no shame in it. I knew this day would come. That's why I never lied to you. I've always told you the truth about what you're parents were (Crouches down in front of Connor) how you and I came to be together." Connor: "God gave me to you." Holtz: "Yes. God delivered me to you, that I'd keep you safe and lavish upon you all the love that I could never give my first children." Connor: "Because he took them from you." Holtz: "That's right." Connor: "I wish I *had* killed him." Holtz: "If you had, then you wouldn't be the boy I raised, or the man I know you'll be one day. There's more for you to learn, Steven, much more." Connor: "And I want to." Holtz: "Good. (Stands up) Then you must go to him." Connor: "What?" Holtz: "Walk in his world, learn all you can. (Puts a hand on Connor's shoulder) Discover what of him is in you that you might fight against it. (Puts a hand under Connor's chin and makes him look up) But be on your guard. Remember what I've taught you. The devil will show you bright things, many colors." Lorne turns a crystal shimmering with many colors in his hand as he holds it out to Fred. Lorne: "I would have been here sooner, but I had to stop and get it enchanted. Cedrian Crystals don't actually come that way." Gunn: "Will it work?" Fred: "It should. Cedrian crystals are said to contain millennia of stored mystical energy and it's about the size of a "D" battery." Cordy and Groo walk in. Cordy: "That's gorgeous." Fred: "And priceless." Lorne: "Though in this instance priceless meaning 'without price' as in free. A six-horned Lach-Nie owed me a favor. Don't ask." Cordy points at the contraption on the desk in front of Fred: "I meant that." Fred: "Oh. Standard issue army surplus Geiger counter." Gunn: "We picked it up at a yard sale." Cordy: "Shiny." Groo: "What it is purpose?" Gunn: "We're gonna use it to see if scary monsters came through the portal." Fred: "Anything that came out of Quor-toth should have left behind a kind of para-plasmic radioactivity. Of course, I'm working of the principal that everything in nature seeks a relaxed and stable state." Lorne: "I know I do." Cordy to Gunn: "Hey. So, how is he?" Gunn looks towards the stairs: "Well, still being all mature." Cordy: "Really. Where?" Gunn: "Upstairs." Cordy: "I'm gonna go talk to him." Groo watches Cordy walk towards the stairs, letting out a sigh. Angel is in his apartment practicing against the punching bag. Cordy: "Hey. - I guess Fred is working on a way to determine if anything else came out of the portal." Angel steadies the bag, but doesn't turn to face Cordy. Angel: "That's good." Angel goes back to practicing. Cordy: "So, maybe if we're very, very lucky, later today we'll be able to kill something. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Angel: "Sure." Cordy: "Okay. Well, I just wanted to check in and let you know that I was on the clock and tell you that you're doing the right thing." Angel stops punching the bag, but doesn't turn around. After a beat Cordy starts to leave. Angel: "What if he doesn't come back?" Cordy stops and they turn to look at each other. Groo is standing in the garden courtyard. Lorne walks up to him. Lorne: "Hey. Something troubling you, bubby?" Groo: "Indeed. I am confused." Lorne: "About what?" Groo: "Angel. His inaction puzzles me. When Connor was taken from him he moved heaven and Tarkna to try and win him back." Lorne: "Yeah, he sure did. Hence our weekly scrubbing of the lobby floor." Groo: "But now that his son is here, he does nothing." Lorne: "Well, sometime nothing is the best something. If a thing is meant to be somethimes it is best to just let it happen rather than try to force it." Groo: "But if a thing is meant to be then how can it be forced?" Lorne: "Well, I guess it can't." Groo: "And if a thing is not meant to be?" Lorne: "Well, then it really can't. Just because someone hops a dimension or two is no guarantee that things will work out. - Well, aren't you just sneaky with the subtext?" Groo walks out into the middle of the court and looks up at the sky. Groo: "It is a beautiful day. If my princess asks, tell her I've gone for a walk. - If she asks." Angel: "He feels further away from me now than when he was first taken. All that time I don't think I ever really believed that I'd lost him - not really. Then he shows up again and I knew I had." Cordy: "It's only temporary." Angel: "Yeah. Everything's temporary. There's just so much I thought we'd be able to do together before he, you know..." Cordy: "Grew up?" Angel: "Hated me." Cordy: "Angel, he doesn't hate you. He doesn't even know you. - But he will. He's gonna come back, Angel." Angel: "How do you know?" Cordy: "Because - he has to. Because he's family." Wes is sitting at the table in his apartment, opening the plastic on a TV dinner (almost burning his fingers) and pouring himself a glass of red wine when his computer beeps. After a beat he walks over to it and opens the message he just received: 782 W. Palm Terrace. 8:30 p.m. Come alone.' Fred is walking around the Hyperion with her modified Geiger counter, the others following behind her. Fred: "Getting a good, strong reading here." Lorne: "Should we be wearing lead? 'cause I actually have something." Fred: "Okay. This is approximately where the portal was, so it makes sense that I'd be getting a reading here. Uh, mark that." Gunn marks the floor with a piece of chalk, as Fred moves on, eyes on the readout of the Geiger counter. Fred: "Okay, looks like something might have come in here. (Keeps moving forward not looking where she's going) Or - here. (The clicking of the Geiger counter increases as she turns to the side) Wait a minute. Wow. Something here is pretty (looks up see Connor standing in front of her) hot. - Angel's son! Hi. I didn't mean to click at you." She turns the instrument off, throws a glance back at the others then hurries to stand next to Gunn while Angel steps closer to Connor. Angel: "Hey." Connor: "Hey. - I - ah, I thought I'd come by like you said." Angel: "I'm glad you did. (Turns) Everyone, ah, this is ah, this is Steven. Steven this is Fred, Gunn, Cordelia and that's Lorne." Lorne: "Hello, young man." Angel to group: "So, are we about done here?" Fred: "Oh! Yeah. I - I think we've covered everything." Gunn: "Maybe we could take this outside." Fred: "Yes. We should do a perimeter search then recalibrate for some wider areas." Angel: "That would be a good idea." Fred: "It was very nice to meet you, Steven." Gunn and Fred leave. Lorne: "Uhm, yeah, I - I have a thing." Lorne walks past Connor and upstairs. Cordy: "Yes, so, uhm, I just be sure to hold all your calls. You just - you guys take your time." Angel: "Thanks." Cordy walks towards Wes' office and Angel turns back to face Connor. Both of them fold their arms in perfect unison while not even looking at each other, both shift from foot to foot. Angel: "So... - You hungry?" Connor: "What do you have?" Angel: "We can go out." Cordy: "What!? Where?!" Angel turns to see Cordy coming towards him, one hand cupped behind her ear. Angel: "Cordy." Cordy yelling: "Angel! It's a bar! Vampires. A gang of them!" Angel: "Cordy..." Cordy: "Angel, can you hear me!?" Suddenly we see Angel the way Cordy does, standing in the middle of a dimly lit bar, surrounded by people, music blaring loudly. Cordy: "I can see her. A woman. Angel! (Cordy sees Angel's lips move, but can hear what he's saying) She's all alone. She doesn't see them. Angel, you have to hurry!" Suddenly the bar is whisked away leaving only Angel standing before her in the lobby. Angel: "Slow down." Cordy looks around for a moment. Cordy: "There is a woman at a bar there is a gang of vampires that are after her. You have to help her." Angel: "So much for holding my call, huh?" Cordy: "Sorry." Angel to Connor: "Listen, uhm, - I - I, ah, have to go out for a while." Connor, backing to: "It's okay." Angel: "It's kind of my job." Connor: "Yeah. Whatever." Angel: "It could be kind of dangerous. There's a lot of killing and violence. You wanna come?" Connor stops and looks back at Angel over his shoulder. Break The bar from Cordy's vision, the camera pans past people dancing with light sticks in their hands, up to a balcony overlooking the main floor. Wes steps up to the railing and surveys the crowd. Lilah: "I see you got my invitation." Wes: "Lilah. (Tuns to face her) Obviously." Lilah: "I thought the 'come alone' was a particularly ironic touch. I mean, how else would you come?" Wes starts to walk past her, but Lilah holds out a hand to stop him. Lilah: "Don't rush off. Just look over there." Wes looks and sees Justine sitting at the bar. Lilah: "I went to a lot of trouble to arrange this little show for you." Wes: "Good bye." Wes starts to walk away. Lilah: "Okay, but leave now and you'll miss her big death scene. (Wes stops and turns back) Don't tell me you wouldn't like to see the bitch that slit your throat and left you to die get a little of her own back.' Wes: "What's going on here, Lilah?" Lilah: "Some source - can't imagine who - tipped her off that tonight this place would be filthy with vampires. Which, as it turns out, is true." Wes: "Right. Because that same source tipped off the vampires that *she* would be here." Lilah: "Seems she has been pissing off a lot of undead Americans lately." Wes: "And you thought I'd enjoy a box seat for her slaughter." Lilah smiling brightly: "Well - yeah." Wes: "You really don't know the first thing about me, do you?" Lilah: "Probably not." Wes turns to walk off and Lilah steps up close to him. Lilah: "Like, will he go straight to his car, or will he stop to warn her first?" Wes stops, but doesn't turn or speak. Lilah: "He has to think about it. That's good. That's all I really needed to know. (Turns away from him) You can go." Wes takes a step after her: "A *test* Lilah?" Lilah: "Oh, don't look so grim. I just needed to know whether or not I was wasting my time. And to prove we're still friends, I'll have her pulled out of there before anything *really* lethal happens. That way you don't have to torture yourself as to whether or not you did the right thing." Wes looks past her to floor below and takes step closer to the railing. Wes: "I don't think that will be necessary." Lilah steps up next to him and sees Angel moving through the crowd. Angel: "Well, you wanted to kill a vampire. This might be your chance. (Unobtrusively hands a stake to Connor) Here take this. Just make sure that when you use that thing go straight for..." Connor: "...the heart. I know. My father taught me." Angel: "Yeah, I'm sure he did. Look, there are a lot of innocent people in here. Just don't go nailing anybody until they show their game face, okay?" Connor: "Will it look like yours did?" Angel: "Yeah." Angel spots Justine drinking at the bar. Connor: "So why do you do it?" Angel: "Do what?" Connor: "Why kill them if they're like you?" Justine spots Angel and gets of her barstool. Angel: "They're not like me, Connor." Connor: "I'm not Connor." Bartender to Justine: "Ready for another?" Angel to Connor: "Just stay right there." Justine: "No, I'm done." The bartender and the two guys sitting on either side of her vamp out. Bartender, grabbing a hold of her arm: "You're not wrong." Vamp: "She thinks she's a Slayer." Bartender: "She's about to learn different." The bartender pulls Justine up onto the bar even as she turns and kicks one of the vamps away and straight onto Angel's stake. Connor watches as the vamp turns to dust. The bartender throws Justine into the shelves of bottles behind the bar. A vamp catches Angel's right hand as the stake descends towards his heart, but Angel simply stakes him with the one in his left. Three other vamps attack Angel in the small space that has cleared around Angel as Wes watches from the balcony. Justine screams as the bartender takes a hold of her. Connor runs forward, jumping to land in the clear space next to Angel. Angel: "Nice... Ah, take the one on the..." Connor runs past to attack the vamp holding Justine. Angel: "Well, yeah. That-that makes more sense." Angel gets tackled by one of the vamps and turns his attention back to the fight. Lilah watches Connor dust the bartender. Lilah: "Who's the boy wonder? He moves just like..." Wes: "...his father." Lilah stares at Wes for a moment before turning back to watch the fight. Connor helps Justine up and the two of them stare at each other for a beat before he leads her around the bar. Justine stops to stare again, but Angel pulls Connor away. Angel to Justine: "Go. Get out of here. Go!" After one last look at Connor Justine runs off, while Angel and Connor turn back to back to fight off the remaining vampires. There is short lull in the fight and they glance at each other, a small smile appearing on both of their faces, before they return their attention to the vamps. Lilah: "Now tell me you're not interested." Lilah turns to look at Wes, only to find him gone. One of the vampires turns to run and Connor takes off after him. No more vampires attacking, Angel moves to follow Connor. Connor slowly moves out of the backdoor of the bar into a dark and deserted alley, stake at the ready. Suddenly he spins and slams the stake home - only to have his wrist caught in Angel's hand before the stake can penetrate his heart. They remain frozen in that position for a moment, Connor breathing hard. Then Angel turns the hand holding the stake and hauls back to hit Connor's arms, causing him to spin around and dust the vampire standing behind him. Connor slowly turns back around, looking everywhere but at Angel, while we can hear a pounding like a heartbeat overlaid over the scene. Angel: "They don't need to breathe or make any sound. You gotta be careful. - You know you were - you were good in there. (Connor looks up at Angel) I mean, normally I'd take you to a ballgame, or a museum, or - something. But it's - it's good to know that you can handle yourself in a fight." Angel mock-attacks Connor. Connor jumps back, then smiles. Angel: "It's good to know you can do that, too." Connor throws a fake punch at Angel. Angel smiling: "Woah." Laughing and smiling the two of them start dancing around each other, throwing fake punches, jumping up on the trash containers sitting along the wall of the alley, horsing around. The camera pulls back to show us Holtz stepping out of the shadows on one of the emergency ladders on the houses lining the alley, watching them from above. Connor is sitting in Holtz' motel room eating an Oreo cookie. The door opens and Holtz walks in, stops in front of Connor and looks down at him. Connor: "Father. - He was everything that you said. He tried to trick me. Thought that he could deceive me by saving people. It didn't work. I've seen his true face." Holtz: "And I've seen yours." Cordy is lounging on Angel's bed while Angel is sitting in a chair across the room. Angel: "The kid was born for it. The way he anticipated, I'm telling you, it's in his blood." Cordy: "You don't say." Angel: "There we were and it was like we had never been apart. He felt it, too. I know he did. You should have seen us together." Cordy: "I did." Angel: "What do you mean, you did?" Cordy: "Ah - after you left, I went back into my vision." Angel: "You went back in?" Cordy sits up: "Don't ask me how. I don't know if it is part of my new semi-demoness, or - or if they just let me go back in. But I was there. I saw the whole thing, you and your son together. It was beautiful." Connor: "Stop saying that!" Holtz is sitting across the table from Connor, holding his hands. Holtz: "It is true, son." Connor: "You're wrong!" Holtz: "I'm not wrong. Anyone who saw you together would realize - that's where you're meant to be - at his side." Connor: "No!" Holtz: "It was your need for him that drove you across the dimension." Connor: "I don't need him!" Holtz: "Go back to him, Steven." Connor: "Why are you doing this? Why? God gave me to you." Holtz: "Yes. It was god's plan for us to be together. Nothing will ever persuade me otherwise. But now it's time for me to give you back." Connor: "He's a demon." Holtz: "And you're the b*st*rd son of two demons." Connor: "Then I'm a demon." Holtz: "You're not. God help me, I don't know what you are, but I'm not the one to give you answers, and there *are* answers. Go and find them out." Fred and Gunn pull up across from the French Cottage motel, still following the readings of Fred's modified Geiger counter. Fred: "Okay. Except for the hotel the strongest emissions are coming from somewhere in this vicinity." Gunn: "Now what? We go door to door and ask if anyone's seen any inter-dimensional boogies?" Fred: "I'm not sure. I don't even know if we should be looking above ground or not." Connor pulls his hands out from under Holtz'. Connor: "You told me not to be deceived. But you've let yourself be deceived." Holtz: "If I could stop this, I would, son. But we were brought here by forces beyond our control." Connor jumps up and heads for the door. Connor: "You're wrong." Gunn spots Connor storming out of a door on the upper level of the motel. Gunn: "Hey. Check it out." They watch as Connor reaches the end of the balcony and after quick look around drops down over the railing to run off. Fred: "Looks like we've been following Angel's son's emissions the whole time." Gunn: "Now there is a sentence I don't ever need to hear again." Fred: "But it's good, right? It means there was no big scary that came out of the portal." Gunn turns back to look at the room Connor ran out of and sees Holtz appear in the open door. Gunn: "How about a short scary?" Holtz slowly closes the door. Lorne, wearing a dressing gown, is pouring himself a drink. He turns and sees Connor standing in the middle of the hotel lobby. Lorne: "Oh, hey, kiddo. I didn't see you there. You looking for your dad? Come on. He's upstairs. I'll show you the room. - This way." Connor: "I'm not going anywhere with you, demon." Lorne: "I'll tell you what, since you were raised in a hell dimension by a psychopath, and since that happens to be a topic that I know a little something about, we'll just let that slide. Now I'll fetch your pop for you." Lorne turns to continue up the stairs. Connor: "Filthy demon." Lorne turns back: "Actually, that's *uncle* filthy demon to you. It wasn't that long ago - like a week - I was changing your diapers, you little..." Cordy: "Hey!" Cordy walks in and walks over to stand between them. Cordy: "What's the problem?" Lorne just looks at Connor. Cordy: "Steven?" Steven never takes his stare off Lorne. Cordy: "Steven." After a beat Connor lets himself be lead over to the settee and sits down with Cordy, but he keeps staring at Lorne. Cordy: "I know you haven't been in this world very long, and I imagine that things are pretty wild west-y where you're from, but Lorne's a good guy. Honestly." Connor: "It's a demon." Cordy: "Right. True. *He* is. But 'demon' doesn't always mean 'evil' in this dimension. I mean, look at me. (Connor's eye track from Lorne to look at her) Well, I'm part demon. Yeah. By choice. I did it so that I could help people. (Turns to look at Lorne) And so that the back of my head wouldn't..." Connor draws his knife and lunges to stab Cordy in the heart. Break [SCENE_BREAK] Lorne: "Cordy!" Cordy and Connor stare at each other as Cordy keeps Connor's knife hand from descending on her. Cordy's eyes begin to glow with and intense white light. The light spreads, moves up her arm and into Connor, dissolving the blade of his knife and leaving him holding just the handle. Cordy: "Let it go, honey. - Just let it go. You don't need that. You don't need any of that." The light leaves Cordy, suffusing Connor instead, as Cordy sits back up across from Connor. Cordy: "That's right. Just let it go, baby." The light disappears all together, leaving Connor panting and staring at Cordy. Cordy: "Shh." Cordy reaches up to run her hand over Connor's cheek. Cordy, whispering: "It's okay, sweetie. That's right. It's okay." Connor's eyes close and he leans his head against Cordy and cries into her shoulder. Cordy holds on to him. Cordy: "I know. Shh. - It's okay. - It's okay." Connor sits back up and Cordy turns to look up at the balcony overlooking the lobby to see Angel standing at the railing. Angel watches from the door to Wes' office as Lorne hands Connor a cup, then turns back to face Cordy, sitting at the desk. Angel: "How do you feel?" Cordy: "Okay. Drained. But okay." Lorne: "Well, you got some serious mojo going on, girl. Whatever deal you struck with the Powers, it looks to me like they gave you the full package - all the extras. That kid was toxic when he came here tonight. Heavy on the 'ick'." Angel: "What actually happened out there?" Lorne: "In my professional opinion? Well, Miss demon-y britches here gave that child some kind of 'soul colonic'. Flushed him out but good." Angel: "Flushed what out?" Cordy: "It was that place, Quor-toth. It crept into every part of him. He was sick with it." Angel: "When Fred was taking her readings..." Lorne: "He nearly broke the needle. My guess? She wouldn't even get so much as a click off him now." Angel crouches down in front of Cordy. Angel: "Thank you. Thank you for doing this for him." Cordy: "I know what it was like for him there, the darkness and the confusion. He thought it was where he belonged." Angel slowly walks up to where Connor is still sitting on the settee. Angel: "Hey, pal. How 're you doing?" Connor: "I might have tried to kill your friend." Angel: "Yeah, well - she's used to it." Connor: "I think I should go." Angel goes to sit down on the settee next to Connor. Angel: "Look - why don't you just - stay here? - I know it doesn't feel like it yet - but this could be home for you." Connor, staring straight in front of him: "I don't have a home." Angel: "That's not true. You just don't remember, that's all. - Your home is here. This is where you're supposed to be, son." Connor: "You speak as though you're my father." Angel, smiling slightly: "Well..." Connor: "He said the same thing. (Angel's smile melts away) He said, we came back for a reason." Angel: "Did he?" The doors open and Fred and Gunn come hurrying in. They stop as they see Angel and Connor, and Gunn clears his throat. Holtz goes to look through the peephole in the door of his motel room, in response to a knock. He opens the door to reveal Justine standing there. Justine: "Daniel." Holtz just looks at her. Angel walks into Wes' office where Gunn and Fred are waiting. Angel: "I told him you two were going to take him out, spend some time with him." Gunn: "And he's good with that?" Angel: "Yeah, he seems to be." Fred: "Where do you want us to take him?" Angel: "Some place were this world isn't as ugly as he thinks it is." Gunn: "How long you need?" Angel: "A couple of hours should do it.' Gunn: "Hey, uhm, what if he asks where you're at?" Angel: "Don't tell him." Gunn and Fred file out of the office and Angel grabs his coat. Cordy: "Wait. Angel, before you go we have to do that thing." Angel: "What thing?" Cordy: "That thing we do. You know that thing where I say 'are you sure you know what you're doing, Angel, please think about this' and then you ignore me and rush head long into trouble?" Angel: "Right. That thing. - Okay, are we done?" Cordy: "Angel, please think about this. In fact, don't go there at all." Angel: "I have to." Cordy: "I know. But don't." Angel: "I'm not gonna kill him even though he deserves it." Angel turns to go. Cordy: "Oh, I don't care if you kill him. (Angel stops and turns back to look at Cordy) He stole Connor's childhood, so kill him. But don't lie to your son. He's been here like a day. Way to build the trust." Angel: "I'm not lying to him." Cordy: "No, you're just sending him off to be distracted while you go confront the man he thinks of as his father." Angel after a beat: "I'm his father." Cordy watches him turn and walk out. Justine: "Before you there was nothing. I was dead. They'd taken my sister. They'd taken a part of me. You gave me a reason again - even if it was all lies." They are sitting on the two beds, facing each other. Holtz quietly: "Not all." Justine: "I still think I'd do anything for you. I'd have followed you into hell if you would have let me." Holtz stretches out on his bed: "Thank god you didn't." Justine: "I can't believe you survived it. - How did you?" Holtz: "My hate kept us alive." Justine: "Hate gets a bad rap. It can keep you going sometimes when nothing else will." Holtz: "Yes. I found I had to stay alive that I might pass on my legacy of hate. But something happened in that place, Justine, something changed. Amidst the most unspeakable ugliness the hate turned into love. Love for a son. Hate is not enough. I found that love is far more powerful. Now there is just one thing I need you to do for me and then I can finally be done with vengeance." Connor is standing on the beach watching the waves roll in. Connor: "What is it?" Gunn: "The ocean. Pacific." Connor: "Ocean. My father taught me about oceans. He never said it was so..." Fred: "Big?" Connor: "Empty." Fred: "It's not. It's just all under the surface. A whole 'nother world actually." Connor: "Everything's so different here." Fred: "I know how you feel. (Gunn looks down at her) I got lost once like you. - When I came back nothing seemed real. Like I was seeing everything from the bottom of the ocean." Connor: "I don't remember being lost." Connor walks away from Gunn and Fred up to the edge of the surf. Gunn: "Ah, Steven? Yo!" Fred: "Maybe we should just give him a minute." Gunn wraps an arm around her shoulder and Fred leans against him. Fred: "I wish Angel was here." Gunn: "Yeah. His kid seeing the ocean for the first time, too bad he had to miss it." Fred: "That's not what I meant. I just - feel sort of creepy, keeping him busy and distracted while Angel..." Gunn: "Confronts the kidnapper?" Fred: "Well, if you're gonna put it like that. - What do you think he'll do?" Gunn: "I don't know. I know what I'd do. But Angel will deal with Holtz in his own way." Connor turns from watching the surf to look back at them. Fred: "Uh-oh." Gunn: "No way. He couldn't have heard us." Fred: "He did." Connor runs off. Break Cordy turns out the light in the office as she picks up her coat and purse to go home. As she walks towards the doors she sees a figure wearing a black leather jacket and starts to smile. Cordy: "Angel. Oh my god, do you know how happy this makes me? I ask you not to go and you didn't go? I'm so glad to see..." She runs up to hug him, slowing as the man steps out of the shadows. It's Groo. Cordy: "...you. - Hi." Holtz is sitting at the table in the motel room. He folds a piece of paper and sticks it into an envelope. Holtz: "I can't recall - would you require an invitation for a place like this?" Angel is standing in the open door behind Holtz. Angel: "Public accommodation? (Steps across the threshold) No." Holtz: "No. You'd think I'd remember something like that. It would have seemed important once. (Stands up and turns to face Angel) Details begin to escape me." Angel gives the door a push so it closes behind him then grabs Holtz by the throat and slams him up against the wall. Angel: "You stole my son." Holtz: "I kept your son alive. You murdered mine." After a beat Angel slowly backs off and withdraws his hand from Holtz' throat. Angel: "I was different then." Holtz, reaching up to touch his throat: "Yes. So was I. - You feel remorse. You feel remorse yet you can't express it." Angel: "You want me to say I'm sorry? How can I? It wouldn't mean a thing." Holtz: "It would mean a little. Not much, but it would be something." Angel: "Then I'm sorry. For whatever little it might mean. It's all I've got." Angel stands still, looking straight ahead, not at Holtz. Holtz, lowering his hand: "Not all. - You had a son. - So - there it is. (Sits down) I thought by depriving you of that son it would allow me some measure of justice. I was wrong." Angel: "Taking Connor from me was never justice. It was vengeance." Holtz: "Or maybe vengeance is what I do now. Give back what I took." Angel: "What?" Holtz stands up: "I'm an old man now. I have nothing to offer the boy. You can give him what I can't - his purpose. But every time you look upon his face - every time he calls you 'father' - you will be reminded of that which you took and can never give back. - And if that is vengeance, I find I have no taste for it." Holtz picks up the letter and holds it out to Angel. Holtz: "All I ask is that you give him this. It's not sealed. I expect you'll examine it. You should." Angel: "Why are you doing this." Holtz: "I thought I'd made that plain. I love my son. (Angel closes his eyes for a moment) And this is the only way I know to ensure that he will go on loving me." Angel takes a hold of the letter and turns to look at Holtz. After a moment he pulls the letter out of Holtz' hand and turns to leave. Holtz: "He won't accept this at first. He'll try to find me. (Angel stops with one hand on the door) - He never will." Angel opens the door and slowly walks out. Connor is running down a dark alley. Angel stops his convertible at a deserted stretch of beach road. He takes out the letter and starts to read it. Holtz voice over: "Dearest Steven, (We see Connor running down a street) this is a most difficult letter for me to write. You mean more to me than anything in this world or any other. But your best interests must come first, which is why by the time you receive this, I will be gone. (Holtz takes one last look back at the motel room) I hope one day you will be able to forgive an old man's weakness, (Connor runs down the middle of a street, cars dodging around him) which compels him to say these things in a letter. (Holtz looks at Justine) But to attempt a good-bye in your presence (Connor running, jumping over a car) would be impossible for me. I fear I would never let you go. And I must let you go. (Angel reading the letter) I know that if I didn't you would only end up hating me. And that I could not bear." Justine slams Holtz up against the side wall of the motel: "Don't make me do it. I can't." Holtz has his hand wrapped around Justine's right hand and the awl she is holding up between them. Holtz: "We already know you can. You promised. You said you'd do anything for me. Come on, Justine. I'm not asking you to follow me into hell. Just help send me there. (Shakes her) Do it!" Crying, Justine, her hand still covered by Holtz', stabs him in the side of the neck with the awl. Angel is reading the letter. Holtz voice over: "Your destiny lies with Angel. I know that now. (Holtz slides down the wall, still holding on to Justine) You will have a better life with him." Holtz to Justine: "Again. Again!" Crying, Justine stabs Holtz neck a second time just below the first puncture. Holtz voice over: "I'm comforted by that certainty and the knowledge that with him (Connor running) you will discover your true purpose and come to know who it is you are meant to be." Angel folds up the letter and returns it to the envelope. Connor runs. Holtz, staring up at the dark sky, whispers: "Steven." Angel, wearing the trace of a smile, quietly: "Connor." Connor bursts into the motel room: "Dad!" Looks around the empty room: "Dad?" Holtz voice over: "My only prayer is that I have prepared you well enough for whatever lies ahead." Connor backs out of the motel room and hurries down the balcony. Holtz v.o: "I trust that I have. Be brave. Lovingly, your father." Connor runs through a metal gate and stops as he sees Justine, running her hand over Holtz' head resting in her lap. He runs up to them and drops down nest to Holtz, putting his hands on Holtz shoulders. Justine slowly raises her head to look at him. Connor stares at the two puncture wounds on Holtz' neck. Connor: "Angelus." BLACK OUT.

With Holtz back in LA, Angel Inc. is in for some problems. As Angel tries to bond with his son, Holtz reconnects with Justine. The two vampire hunters cook up a plan to turn Connor against Angel forever. Meanwhile, Wesley and Lilah spend more time together and Cordelia and the Groosalugg grow further apart.

fd_Charmed_07x04

fd_Charmed_07x04_0

[Scene: Manor. Attic. Leo is standing there. Piper walks in.] Piper: All set. The kids are asleep. Leo: What about Phoebe and Paige? Piper: You want me to put them to bed too? Paige is at school, and Phoebe went to the movies. Leo: Really? On a date? Piper: No. With a friend. Leo: Oh. That's good. At least she's taking advantage of not having to be at work in the morning. That's good. Piper: You're stalling. Look, don't make it a bigger deal than it is. You're just one Elder calling another to see if you can help. Leo: But what if they found out? Piper: They haven't. We already talked about this. Look, you're not gonna be able to move on if you don't let go of the past. That's the reason you're doing this, remember? What? Leo: You'll think I'm crazy. Piper: I already think you're crazy. What is it? Leo: It's just, I've been seeing things lately. Hearing voices that make me feel like I can't come back, and I-I don't know if they're real or not, but they seem like they are. Piper: Well, that's probably just self doubt. Ignore it. Leo: Or a guilty conscience. Piper: But you have nothing to feel guilty about. What happened was out of your control. All that matters is what happens next, so go play nice with the other Elders. (Piper leaves the room and walks down the stairs. She stops.) Please let him get through this. [Cut back to the attic. An Elder orbs in.] Elder: Hello, Leo. Leo: Hey. Thanks for coming. Elder: How have you been? Leo: Good. Great. Actually, that's sort of what I wanted to talk to you about. Elder: We can't let you back up there, if that's what you want. Leo: No, no. I understand. So, any word on who killed Zola yet? Elder: No. But we'll find who did it. We have to. So what can I help you with? Leo: Well, actually, I was hoping to help you. I mean, you know, as an Elder. Elder: Well, I don't quite follow. Leo: Well, I want to do what I used to do before Gideon. I'm just trying to find my way again. Elder: A couple of Whitelighters have lost track of their charges recently. Two in the last three nights. It may be nothing. Leo: Charges. You mean, Whitelighters to-be? Or witches? Elder: Witches. Just practitioners. Not powerful, but still... Leo: I'll get the sisters right on it. Elder: Good. Keep me posted. Ghostly Creature: He lies, Leo. He lies. (The creature appears and floats around Leo.) You can't trust him. You can't trust yourself. (The creature disappears.) [Scene: Alley. Brenda walks out of the back of a shop and locks the door. The fog thickens as she walks through the alley. She hears footsteps.] Brenda: Hello? (The footsteps get louder. She hurries down the alley. Glass smashes. Brenda runs through the alley.) [Cut to Brenda's apartment. Brenda walks in through the front door and locks it. Fog floats in through an open window. She walks over to close it and Reznor, a pirate, grabs her and holds her around her neck.] Reznor: Anybody tell you not to walk alone at night, Witch? Brenda: Help! Help! (Reznor carries her out the window and disappear into the fog. When he climbed through the window, a gold doubloon piece fell to the floor.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Leo are there. Leo is sitting at the table in front of the Book of Shadows, a map and scrying crystal.] Leo: Ahh, this should be so easy. You know, I don't understand why I can't find them. I tried sensing them, I tried summoning them, I tried scrying for them. I've got to be overlooking something. Piper: Or maybe there's nothing to overlook. I mean, let's face it, like the Elder said, this could be nothing. Leo: They're still missing, aren't they? Piper: Still. Maybe you're trying too hard. Leo: Piper, he wants me to do this. He wouldn't have given this to me unLess it was something. Piper: Okay. So what do we know so far? What are the common denominators? (Piper sits at the table.) Leo: Besides the fact that they're witches, uh, the fog rolled in just before they disappeared. Piper: Well, of course the fog rolled in. It's San Francisco. (Leo smiLes.) What? Leo: Nothing. It's just, I miss this. Piper: SleepLess nights and endLess exposition? Not me. (Paige orbs in.) Paige: Do I look like a ma'am to you? Piper: Morning, sunshine. Paige: I was just at Magic School taking Wyatt to the nursery, he's fine I might add, and a student bumped into me and said, "Excuse me..." Piper: A kid with manners? Alert the authorities. Paige: You didn't let me finish. He said, "Excuse me, ma'am." Do I look like a ma'am? Leo: He was being respectful. Paige: Something happened to me since I took over Magic School. Piper: Paige, you're obsessing. Paige: You're damn right I'm obsessing. I am far too young to be old. Piper: Okay, obsess about this instead. Young women disappearing around the city when the fog rolls in. Paige: That's what you've got? Leo: That's all the Elders know. We haven't been able to find out much else. Paige: You spoke to the Elders? Leo: Yes, and I promised we'd help. Paige: Good for you. You know, this actually sounds like a job for the young, kick-ass Charmed Ones. (Paige leaves the kitchen.) Piper: Where you going? (to Leo) Come with me. (Piper and Leo follow Paige through the dining room.) Paige: I'm gonna go scry for them. Piper: We already tried that. It didn't work. (Paige stops at the bottom of the stairs.) Leo: Too much time has passed since the last one disappeared. Paige: Okay. Why don't we try to find out if anyone has disappeared more recently? Leo: I'm sure the Elders would've told me. Piper: Not if they don't know about it yet. Paige: Hmm. Well, what about Morris? I'm sure he can ask Missing Persons. Piper: Yeah. Go ahead. You can go ask him. He's outside. (Paige walks to the front door. She goes outside and sees a car parked across the street. Inspector Sheridan and Darryl are inside the car. Paige goes back inside.) Paige: They're watching us? Piper: Staking us out. Paige: Uh, is that legal? Piper: Apparently, Sheridan wants us real bad. Leo: Which means you can't very well go running around the city looking for missing witches. Paige: UnLess there's a distraction. Phoebe still at home? [Cut to the car. Inspector Sheridan is on the phone.] Sheridan: Well, I don't understand. I sent the blood sample back east three weeks ago. What do you mean you can't find it? Darryl: You know they can see us, right? Sheridan: (to Darryl) I want them to see us. (to phone) Sheridan. Inspector Sheridan. S.F.P.D. The Halliwell Case. No, it's not a murder investigation. I don't know what it is. That's why I need the damn blood results! (She hangs up.) I hate Feds! Darryl: So, uh, where'd you get the blood sample from? Sheridan: From Piper's bedroom when I was curiously knocked out. Darryl: What do you think the blood's gonna show you? Sheridan: What's really going on around here. (Piper walks up to the car carrying a breakfast tray.) Darryl: You might want to put on a happy face. Piper: Good morning, Inspector. You must be hungry. Breakfast? Most important meal of the day. Sheridan: Look, if you think that this is going to... Piper: Yeah. Okay. (She freezes Inspector Sheridan.) Wow. That's better. Darryl: Are you out of your mind? Will you unfreeze her right now? Piper: Sorry. Can't. We need to talk. Darryl: Listen, I've got nothing to say. I've already made that clear. Piper: Yeah, so I've heard. (Phoebe sneaks out of the house.) About the string of missing women that you're not telling the press about. Darryl: How'd you find out about that? Piper: Because they're witches and we need to find them. So have any been reported missing in the last twenty-four hours? Darryl: Piper, listen, you know I can't help you. Piper: Look, Darryl, if you want to help Sheridan hang us out to dry, that's your business. But this is not about that. This is about people who are in trouble. So are you gonna help us or not? Darryl: Listen, there was one on the missing report this morning. Brenda Castillo, twenty-two. She lives in The Heights. Roommate said she never came home last night, but until she's missing twenty-four... Piper: We'll find her in twelve. Thanks. Darryl: You're welcome. Now will you hurry up and unfreeze her? (Piper unfreezes Inspector Sheridan.) Sheridan: Get me off your tail... Piper: Now, Inspector, why would I want to do that? (Phoebe drives past them and covers her face with her hand.) Sheridan: Nice try. (Sheridan pushes the breakfast tray out the way. It falls to the ground.) Piper: Whoa! (Sheridan starts the car and drives off.) It's alright! I'll clean this up! (She dials a number on her cell phone.) Okay, Paige, you're on. Brenda Castillo, The Heights. [Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Brenda and Reznor the pirate are there. Brenda is on the floor with her hands chained together. She wakes up.] Reznor: Don't bother screaming, love. No one can hear you. Brenda: What? What do you want from me? Reznor: We don't want nothing. However, my Captain would like a word with you. (Reznor pulls Brenda to her feet. Captain Black Jack Cutting and other pirates walk in.) Brenda: Oh my... Black Jack: God? Afraid not. You'll have to settle for Captain Black Jack Cutting. Parrot: Aye-yae, Captain. Black Jack: Don't you just love clich s? Well, don't just stand there, you fool, bring her closer. (Reznor pulls Brenda closer to him.) Black Jack: Ah, the stench of witch. I'd know that anywhere. Brenda: What do you want? Black Jack: I want you to die, but not too fast. (He pulls out a dagger.) Black Jack: One of your kind cursed me with this a very long time ago. Of course, then I used it to cut her heart out. (Black Jack cuts Brenda's arm.) Brenda: Ohh! Black Jack: Take her away. Reznor: But what about The Charmed Ones? Black Jack: All good things to those who wait. Do as I say, or I'll have you in irons! (Reznor takes Brenda away.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's Office. Leslie is there reading the paper. Phoebe knocks on the door frame.] Phoebe: Knock, knock. Les: Phoebe. Hey, uh, what are you doing here? Phoebe: I'm just returning your phone call. Les: Wow. Returning my call. Um, most people return phone calls with, uh, I don't know, phone calls. Phoebe: Yeah. Well, I kinda needed to get out of the house. We're experiencing a bit of a pest problem. Les: Ooh. Is it serious? Phoebe: Too soon to tell. So what did you call about? Les: Well, it was, a little timely, I had to make a decision, but you did give me free reign, didn't you? Phoebe: Yes. Absolutely. I mean, how else would I be enjoying my sabbatical, right? Les: Exactly. Phoebe: So that's it, huh? Nothing else you needed to talk to me about? Les: Um, nope. I can't think of anything. Phoebe: Ask me? Nothing? Les: Nah. Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe starts to leave.) Les: Uh, wait. There was one thing, actually. I was, um... I was looking through some of your notes and ideas last week, and I found something about a contest. Phoebe: Oh, the "Win a Date with Phoebe" contest. Yeah, that was Elise's idea. Les: Yeah. I think it's a great idea. I mean, readers love to be talked to and not down to. I think going on a date gives you a chance to make them feel like you're really a part of their lives. Phoebe: Really? Les: You know, it's a great PR move. Phoebe: Still... Les: I really, I would love to leave you with more readers than you had when I came. Phoebe: That's really sweet, Leslie, uh, but I think I'm taking a break from the dating world, as well. Besides, you never know who's gonna win a contest like that. Les: Well, I would win it. I mean, just to protect you, of course. Phoebe: Are you asking me out on a date? Les: Strictly professional. Look, how about this? We go tonight. We get it over with. Phoebe: Get it over with? Les: Oh, yeah. So we don't infringe on your life away from here any more than we already have. Phoebe: Okay. Well, call me stupid, but shouldn't you actually run the contest in the paper before you decide who wins it? Les: Oh, details. I'll just, I'll hold the copy on the date and print it afterwards. So what do you say? Maxine's? Eight o'clock? Phoebe: Hmm. All right. Eight o'clock. (Phoebe leaves. Leslie looks at the paper. It reads: "Lucky Leslie Wins Date with Ask Phoebe".) [Scene: Brenda's Apartment. Hallway. Paige knocks on the door. Carly opens it.] Carly: Can I help you? Paige: Hi. I'm Paige Matthews. I'm here about Brenda Castillo. Carly: Are you from the police? Paige: No, I'm just somebody who's concerned about her. Carly: I'm sorry. (She starts to close the door.) Paige: No, please. Is Brenda a witch, by any chance? Because if she is, I think I can help find her. Carly: Come in. (Paige walks into the apartment.) Carly: Are you one too? A witch, I mean. Paige: Yeah. You? Carly: Oh, no. No, that's Brenda's thing. Paige: You don't believe in witchcraft? Carly: I will if it'll help find her. She wouldn't just not come home, you know? She never has. But the police, they won't do a thing. Paige: Yeah. It's the whole twenty four hour deal, right? You guys seem pretty close. Are you sisters, roommates? Carly: Um, no. Partners. It's another reason the police won't do anything, you know? They think it's just a lovers quarrel or something, like it's just a big joke. Paige: I know it's not a joke. Look, if I'm gonna find her, I'm gonna need something, anything to go off of. Carly: Maybe this will help. (She picks up the doubloon.) I found it on the floor when I got home. I've never seen it before. (She hands it to Paige.) What do you think it means? [Cut to Treasure Island. Cave. Paige orbs in.] Paige: Brenda? Brenda? Brenda? (She sees Brenda laying on the ground.) Brenda: Go away. Hurry. (Captain Black Jack and the pirates walk in.) Black Jack: Took you long enough, dearie. We've been waiting for you. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Continued from before.] Black Jack: You wouldn't just orb out and leave an innocent stranded, would you, witch? Paige: You look like you've been out to sea for quite some time. Black Jack: Nearly three hundred years in a place beyond time and space. Only when the mystical fog rolls in do we get a chance to come and play in fair port cities like your own. Paige: You see, I would have chosen London. Black Jack: I did. They didn't have what I want. Paige: And what's that? Black Jack: You and your sisters. Only you can get me the treasure I so desire. Paige: Oh, I guess I forgot where I buried it. Black Jack: Oh, you're very quick with the tongue. Let me ask you, when the Gathering Storm arrives here, will you be making jokes then, huh? Paige: Gathering Storm. I'm so sorry. I don't speak pirate, matey. Black Jack: This is not pirate lore. This is something very real, very dangerous, and I don't intend to be stuck here when it arrives. (Reznor pulls out the athame.) Paige: Sword! (A sword hanging on the wall orbs into her hands. She stabs Reznor. It doesn't harm him.) Reznor: (to pirate) Excuse me. Would you mind? (The pirate pulls out the sword.) Paige: Okay. You're supposed to be... Black Jack: Dead? He wishes. (Black Jack cuts Paige's neck.) That's gonna leave a mark. (Paige orbs out.) Reznor: You let her escape! Black Jack: I let her go. She's no good to us alone. Reznor: But her sisters... Black Jack: Will come, when they realize they've got no choice. Are you questioning me, First Mate? You remember your oath? You do as I say when I say it, understand? You all will, or this hell we're in will never end. What about the Golden Chalice? Reznor: We've had trouble procuring it, sir. Black Jack: There may be another way. For now, make yourself scarce. We want the witches to rescue her, remember? Pirates: Aye. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there. Leo heals Paige's wound. Paige stands up.] Leo: Alright. You need to slow down and relax. Paige: Okay. I can't, because we need to find Brenda. Piper: Look, whatever their angle is, whatever their reason is, we can't go in there blind like you did, which, I may add, was very dangerous. Paige: All I did was scry for her with the coin. Is that so bad? Leo: And look where it got you. If you go back in again, you could be walking the plank. Paige: Cute. Piper: Strangely, there is nothing in here about pirates. Leo, do you know anything? Leo: About pirates? A little before my time. (Paige opens the Book of Shadows and closely looks at the pages.) Paige: Are you sure there's nothing in here? Piper: You need glasses there, ma'am? Paige: No. I'm just a little woozy. Leo: Which is why we need to know what we're up against. Paige: Yeah, well, okay. Then we need to go to Magic School since they're obviously not of this time. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Who's not? Piper: Oh, just, you know, pirates. Phoebe: Pirates? Like hot Johnny Depp pirates? Piper: Yeah, probably not. Tell her, Paige. Paige: Tell her what? Why we left an innocent stranded? Piper: No. Why we almost lost a sister. Paige: If they'd wanted to kill me, they would have. They're obviously after something else. Piper: Yeah, like wanting to kill all of us. Phoebe: Okay. What's going on, you two? Piper: We'll catch you up on the way to Magic School. Right now, we need to go brush up on our pirate lore. (to Leo) Can you watch the kids? Leo: Yeah, but... Piper: No, no. You already did your part. Now let us do ours. Phoebe: Okay. What if we don't find anything? I mean, pirates aren't known to be magical. Paige: Do you have a better idea? Phoebe: Actually, yes, I might. [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe and a movie critic are there.] Movie Critic: Pirate movies? You want to know about pirate movies? Phoebe: Yeah, I do. Just tell me everything you know. Movie Critic: I thought you were on sabbatical. Phoebe: It's not for my column. It's personal. Movie Critic: Okay, well, I guess "Mutiny on the Bounty" is the very best pirate movie. The Clark Gable version. (Leslie walks out of Phoebe's office.) Les: That's not a pirate movie. That's a swashbuckler. There's a big difference. Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. Phoebe: Do you have your doctorate in pirates as well? Les: Well, I grew up watching pirate movies with my dad. (to movie critic) Hey, I got this. "Captain Blood", "Cutthroat Island", "Blackbeard's Ghost". I mean, I've seen them all. Even "Yellowbeard". It was a great spoof. Phoebe: You're just full of surprises, aren't you? Les: Wait until tonight. We're still on, aren't we? Come on. You wouldn't want to break the pirate's oath. Phoebe: The pirate's oath? What's that? Les: Oh, yeah, pirate's oath. If a captain gives his word to his crew, he gotta hold to it or face mutiny. Phoebe: Hmm. And would I be the captain or the crew in that analogy? Les: Well, it is your column. Phoebe: Yeah, I wouldn't want to disappoint my readers. Les: So what else do you want to know about pirates? [Scene: Police Station. Darryl and Sheridan are there.] Sheridan: Tell me this isn't happening. I cannot freakin' believe he's gonna pull us off this case. Darryl: Listen, the truth is we don't really have that much to go on. Sheridan: Oh, we've got plenty to go on, Morris, and we'd have a hell of a lot more if you came clean. Darryl: You think I know more than what I do. Sheridan: Look, don't insult me, okay? We both know that you're covering for them. So don't pretend like you're not. Darryl: All I know is the Halliwells are really good people. They do good things. Sheridan: Yeah, like send us on a wild goose chase so that they can do god only knows what. Six years of unsolved crimes of all types, all mysteriously connected to them. I don't care what you say, Morris. That's not good people. (Sheridan picks up the phone.) Darryl: Who are you calling? Sheridan: The captain wants tangible proof. I'm calling the Feds, see what happened to that damn blood sample once and for all. (Agents Brody puts his hand on the phone.) Agent Brody: You want the Feds? You got him. [Scene: Magic School. Paige is there looking at bottles of ingredients. Piper walks in carrying a book.] Piper: I think I found something. Paige: Huh? Piper: I said I think I found something. What, are you deaf now too? Paige: Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister. Piper: Yeah, I love you too. Okay. So does Black Jack Cutting sound familiar? Paige: No, actually. We weren't formally introduced. Piper: Well, it says here he tricked a witch into falling for him in the 18th century so she could give him immortality. Paige: Hmm. That's quite a spell. Piper: Yeah. It didn't help her much. Um, he cut her heart out with the same athame she used to curse him. Paige: Who? Piper: What do you mean, who? The Captain. The guy we're talking about. Paige: Right. Right. Right. Uh, wait. What was the question? Piper: Are you alright? You don't look so good. Paige: I look fine, and, yeah, I'm just concerned with Brenda, I guess. I don't know. Okay. Let's see. He did say something about a storm, a Gathering Storm. Piper: Well, there is nothing about a storm, just the curse. Paige: Huh. Well, I guess I better make these potions a little stronger. (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Yo-ho, hello. Piper: Did you just call me a ho? How'd you get here? Phoebe: A pirate never betrays his vow of secrecy. Leo orbed me. Go ahead. Ask me anything you want to know about Buccaneers. I know everything. Piper: You see a movie critic, and suddenly, you're an expert. Phoebe: No. I ran into Leslie, and he taught me everything he knows. Piper: Hmm. I bet. Looking forward to your date tonight? Phoebe: No, I'm not. It's just a publicity stunt. Piper: Mm-hm. Right. (Paige drops an ingredient bottle and it smashes onto the floor.) Paige? (Paige's hands are shaking.) Phoebe: What happened, honey? What's wrong with your hand? Paige: Uh, I don't know. Piper: I think that athame did more damage than we thought. Paige: I'm just gonna go sit on the couch, okay? Um, maybe you guys concentrate on Brenda, and making more potions. (Paige walks over to the couch.) [Scene: Police Station. Darryl, Sheridan and Agent Brody are there. Sheridan is on the phone.] Sheridan: Are you sure that we're talking about the same man? Alright. Thank you. (She hangs up.) Okay, Agent Brody, you check out, for now. Agent Brody: Great. Now can we get to work? Darryl: What Agency did they say he was from? Sheridan: Homeland Security. Darryl: What Division? Agent Brody: The classified one. You're, uh, pretty protective of the sisters, aren't you, Lieutenant? Darryl: I've known them a long time. Agent Brody: Six and a half years to be exact. I did my homework. Sheridan: So what are you doing here? What do you want? Agent Brody: I wanna know where you got that blood sample from. Sheridan: Why? Agent Brody: Because whatever it is, it's not human. DNA showed a triple helix. Now, we've only got two. Plus plasma, platelets, Rh factors, they're all incredible. Somebody messed up. You were not supposed to find that blood. Sheridan: I don't understand. Agent Brody: You wanna explain it to her? Darryl: Explain what? Agent Brody: What kind of being that sample came from. Darryl: Being? How would I know? Agent Brody: Don't worry, Lieutenant, I'm not after you. I'm after the Halliwells. And the recent rash of missing women that you've been ignoring matches a pattern that goes back for decades. Barbados, Panama, Newfoundland, New Orleans, and now here. Except they aren't missing women. They're missing witches. Sheridan: Witches? Agent Brody: ust like the three sisters. And if I'm right, then, uh, one will lead us to the other. Sheridan: So you're saying that the Halliwells are not human? Agent Brody: No, no, they're human, alright, but this sample, it just came from something else. (to Darryl) So if I were you, I'd watch my step. People tend to disappear around these girls, especially cops. Now, I have been working for a long time to prove my theories. Now all I gotta do is catch them in the act. Sheridan: But how? Agent Brody: You got any Golden Chalices lying around? [Scene: Treasure Island. Cave. Piper and Phoebe walk in.] Piper: Maybe Paige scared them away. It's possible. Phoebe: Pirates don't run from fights. They lure you into them. (Phoebe finds Brenda on the ground.) Piper! Come here. Grab that lantern. (Piper grabs the lantern. Brenda is now very old.) Brenda: You must leave. Phoebe: Who did this to you? Brenda: The pirate. He cut me with the athame. Piper: Wait a minute. Who are you? What's your name? Brenda: Brenda. Save your sister. (Brenda dies.) Piper: We gotta go get Paige. (Piper and Phoebe leave the cave.) [Cut to Magic School. Piper and Phoebe run in.] Phoebe: Paige? Are you okay? (They see Paige sitting on the couch. She has turned very old.) Piper: Paige? Paige: Well, now I'm a ma'am. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige orbs in with Piper and Phoebe. Piper and Phoebe help Paige stay on her feet.] Phoebe: Oh! Easy, easy, easy. We got ya. Piper: We got ya. (They help her to the couch.) Paige: Took a little more out of me than I thought. Piper: Here. Couch. Couch. Leo? Get up here. (Phoebe starts looking through the Book of Shadows.) Paige: Are you two back together? I forget. Piper: Leo? (Leo runs into the attic.) Leo: What's the matter? What happened? Piper: Just heal this, now. Leo: Heal? Heal what? Piper: It's Paige. It's just Paige. She's just... Don't ask. Just fix her. Leo: Fix it? What happened? Piper: Well, she got cut by a cursed athame, and she's aging. Leo: Aging? Well, I can't fix aging. Phoebe: I can't find a reversal to the curse in here anywhere. Piper: Naturally. Phoebe: Still, Captain Cutting must be banking on us finding a reversal to the curse so that we can save them both. Leo: Maybe I should go check with the Elders, see if they know... Piper: No. We don't have time. She's gaining years by the hour. Paige: Forget about me. You have to save Brenda first. Phoebe: Sweetie, we lost her already. Piper: Yeah, but we're not gonna lose you too. (A parrot flies onto the window sill holding a piece of paper in its mouth.) Parrot: Shiver me witches. (Squawks.) Shiver me witches. Piper: You have got to be kidding me. (Piper raises her arm.) Phoebe: No, Piper, don't blow him up. Piper: Fine. Leo: Obviously he was sent here for a reason. (Leo walks over to the parrot and takes the paper.) Phoebe: What's it say? Leo: Captain Black Jack Cutting cordially invites you to Treasure Island. [Time lapse. Treasure Island. Four pirates have knives up to Piper and Phoebe's throats.] Piper: Uh, we were invited. Reznor: Invited? Or were you tricked? Phoebe: Now you wouldn't want to be violating parlay, would you? Piper: Phoebe, now is not the time for stupid pirate facts. Reznor: How would you know about parlay? Phoebe: Actually, I know everything about parlay. Everyone does. It's the sacredness of the Captain's word, right? Piper? Piper: Hmm? Phoebe: You remember. Pirates of the Caribbean? Piper: Okay, so? Phoebe: So, it's what keeps the crew from mutiny. Yeah, it's the oath of the pirates, right? As long as the Captain keeps his word, you're bound to him. Forever. Reznor: Yeah. And what's it to you? Phoebe: Well, quite honestly it just doesn't seem fair. I mean, he's the one that's cursed, not you, right? I mean, how are you ever supposed to move on? (Captain Black Jack walks in with the parrot on his shoulder.) Black Jack: What are you jabbering about over there? Bring 'em closer. (The pirates push them closer to Black Jack.) Piper: Whoa, easy. Black Jack: Come to save your sister, have you? How noble of you. Phoebe: You're wasting your time. We don't know how to reverse the curse. Black Jack: You don't have to. Just need to call forth the fountain of youth. (He points to a fountain behind them.) Piper: That's a myth. Black Jack: So are three hundred year old pirates who sail the high seas searching for revenge. Take it from me, the fountain of youth is very real. Only Ponce de Leon had it wrong. I've got it right. And finding it is the only way to save your precious sister's life. [Time lapse. Attic. Piper and Leo are there. Piper is writing a spell.] Leo: He wants you to do what? Piper: You heard me. Break into a museum. Leo: To find the fountain of youth? Piper: No, to steal a golden chalice that turns on the fountain of youth. Leo: Piper, you can't do this. Piper: I don't have a choice. Without the chalice I can't cast the spell, without the spell I can't save Paige. So there you go. Leo: What if you get caught? This is exactly what Sheridan wants. Piper: Forget about her. This is about family. A family, by the way, you have to be able to take care of if anything happens to us. Leo: Piper. Piper: No, I mean it, Leo. You need to promise me you'll be able to take care of them. Leo: I can't believe you're saying this. Piper: Well, believe it. Ignore the voices and you'll be fine. You have to be. [Scene: San Francisco Museum Hall. Front desk. The security guard suddenly freezes. Piper and Phoebe walk in wearing long black tight clothes.] Phoebe: So far so good. Piper: Oh, yeah? (The look down from the balcony and see the chalice surrounded by many lasers pointing at it.) Phoebe: Wow. If we pull this off Paige owes me Prada. Piper: And babysitting for a year. (Piper freezes the lasers. They walk down the stairs. Phoebe's phone vibrates.) You're getting a call now? Phoebe: Oh, no, oh, no, Piper, it's Leslie. I totally forgot about our date. Piper: Don't you mean your publicity stunt? Phoebe: What do you want from me? Piper: I want you to admit that maybe you like him a little. Phoebe: No. Piper: Well, aren't you gonna answer it? Phoebe: No, I'm not gonna answer it. We're a little busy right now. What am I gonna tell him? We're robbing a museum? [Cut to a restaurant. Leslie is sitting at a table for two. He's calling Phoebe on his cell phone. He gives up and leaves.] [Cut back to the museum.] Piper: Okay, deep breath. Clear your mind. Think positive, think positive. Ready, ready, ready? Okay, after you. (Phoebe rolls over a laser. She then slides under another.) Easy. (She steps over another one.) Careful. (She gets on her back and slides under a low laser. She stands up in front of the chalice which is inside a glass case.) Phoebe: Okay, now what. (Piper blows up the glass case and quickly freezes the pieces in mid air.) Nicely done. (Phoebe takes the chalice off its stand and sets off the alarm. They run.) Piper: This is bad. This is bad. (They run down the hallway. Darryl, Sheridan and Agent Brody come out of hiding.) Sheridan: How'd you know they'd be here? Agent Brody: What are you doing? Sheridan: What do you mean? I'm gonna bust them. Agent Brody: Not with that thing you're not. Besides, I don't want to catch them stealing. I want to catch them using magic. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Treasure Island. Captain Black Jack and the pirates are waiting there. Piper and Phoebe arrive with the chalice.] Black Jack: Welcome back, ladies. Phoebe: Stow it. Here's your chalice. Black Jack: What's your hurry? (He takes the chalice and stands next to the fountain of youth.) Now, the spell if you will. Piper: "With these offerings, I call on thee, the Goddess of Fertility, rise now, show us the truth, give us the gift of eternal youth." (The fountain pours magical water into the chalice. Black Jack drinks from the chalice and returns to his young self.) Pirate: He's young again. Reznor: Mother of god. (Black Jack puts the chalice down.) Piper: Now, my sister. Black Jack: What about her? Run them through. (The pirates pull out their swords and step towards Piper and Phoebe.) Phoebe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He just broke his oath. He promised not to hurt us, remember? Black Jack: I said kill them. What are you waiting for? Phoebe: He doesn't care about his oath, or parlay. All he cares about is himself. He promised you treasures, right? He promised you freedom, but where is it? He lied. He broke his oath, and now you can too. (Captain Black Jack grabs Reznor.) Black Jack: I'll have you drawn and quartered, sir. Raised from the highest yardarm until sun rots your skin. Then I'll feed you to the sharks. (Reznor pushes him to the ground and draws his sword.) Phoebe: Looks like mutiny to me. Black Jack: You'll die too, you know. You're only alive because of me. Reznor: It's a fate worse than death, I can assure you. (Reznor stabs Captain Black Jack. Captain Black Jack ages and turns into dust.) Thank you. (All the pirates, even the parrot, turns into dust. Phoebe gets the chalice.) Piper: Nice speech. Phoebe: There's still some left. We've gotta get it to Paige. Piper: Wait. We don't want this happening any time again soon. (Piper blows up the fountain of youth. Darryl and Sheridan arrive behind them. Sheridan points her gun.) Sheridan: Hold it right there! I don't know how you did that, but just don't move. Piper: Uh-oh. Phoebe: Darryl, do something. Darryl: I can't. Sheridan: Face down, on the ground. Now. (Sheridan is hit in the neck by a dart gun. She falls to the ground. Agent Brody is standing behind her. Darryl turns around and points his gun.) Agent Brody: Dart gun. (Darryl looks at the dart sticking out of Sheridan's neck.) Told you, Morris, I wasn't after you. She'll be alright. She's gonna wake up with a hell of a headache, though. Piper: Who are you? Agent Brody: Someone you owe now. Go on, get out of here. I'll take care of her. You got a sister to save, right? (Piper and Phoebe quickly leave the cave.) You think you can give me a hand with her? Seriously. I think I'm gonna need some help. [Scene: Piper's room. Leo, Wyatt and baby Chris are on the bed. Leo is asleep. Piper is standing at the doorway watching. Paige walks up behind her.] Paige: Hey. Piper: Hey. How you feeling? Paige: I feel young, I feel grateful. You're not gonna hear me complain about getting old again until I'm at least seventy-five. The good news is, you know, you'll be there before I am. Piper: You're right. Paige: Hey, uh, what did that Agent Brody guy want, anyway? Piper: I don't know. But that's tomorrow's problem. Paige: He did a good job. Piper: Yeah, he did. Paige: Think it'll stay that way? Piper: I hope so. Paige: Good night, sweetie. Piper: Good night... ma'am. (Paige walks away. The Elder orbs into the hallway.) Elder: It's not over yet, you know. His wounds won't easily heal. Piper: I know. Elder: Just don't give up on him, Piper. We're all going to need him back. Before the gathering storm. (He orbs out.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Les is there typing at the computer. Phoebe stands at the door.] Phoebe: Knock, knock. (Les gets up and walks outside to the main room.) Ohh, you're really mad, aren't you? Les: No, no, I get stood up all the time. Phoebe: Actually, that's not true. Listen, uh, I would've called you but... Les: But what? Why didn't you? Phoebe: You know what, it's kind of complicated. Les: You use that excuse a lot. I mean, is it something you're not telling me or do you just think I'm stupid. Phoebe: No, of course I don't think you're stupid. Les: Well, then what is it? What are you afraid of? Phoebe: Who says I'm afraid of anything? Les: You're afraid of commitment, aren't you? Phoebe: Commitment? What are you talking about? What commitment? I thought this was just a publicity stunt. Les: Oh, the hell you did. I mean, come on, why can't you just admit you like me? What is the big deal? Phoebe: Oh, you're one to talk, mister. You're the one that had to orchestrate this whole contest because you were too afraid to ask me out straight. Les: That is not true. Phoebe: Oh, no? Les: It's not true. Phoebe: Oh, really. Okay. Then how come you didn't tell me about it until after you already printed it? Until after you won the contest. Yeah, that's right, I knew the whole time. Les: And you didn't say anything? Phoebe: No, you didn't say anything. Les: You never called me back. Phoebe: Oh, you know what? That's lame. Les: If you knew about the contest, why did you agree to go through with it? Phoebe: Well, because... Les: Because of what? Come on. Phoebe: Honestly? You wanna know the truth? I didn't want to embarrass you. Les: Ehh, wrong answer. Phoebe: You know what? You don't know me. Les: You won't let me know you. Phoebe: That's not true. (They move closer to each other.) Les: You're afraid of getting involved with me, because you're afraid of getting hurt again. Phoebe: Save the advice for your readers. Les: You read me. (Phoebe kisses him. They kiss passionately and start removing their clothes.)

After Paige crosses paths with a cursed pirate called Captain Black Jack Cutting, she happens to get cursed as well and begins to rapidly age. As a result, Piper and Phoebe have to find and steal a special golden chalice for Paige to use to drink from the fountain of youth in order to break the curse.

fd_The_O.C._02x08

fd_The_O.C._02x08_0

Opening scene - The first image we see is an empty breakfast bowl with a spoon in it, we then see cereal being poured into the bowl, the box says sunshine something. we can now see that Ryan is the one pouring the cereal, he puts the cereal box down and pours some milk in. just before he finishes pouring the milk, the phone rings. he puts the milk down, frowns then bends down and takes a mouthful of cereal out of the bowl before leaning over to answer the phone {typical guy, lol} Ryan: (mouth full) Cohen residence (Seth is on the other end of the phone, we aren't sure where he is yet) Seth: (softly) Ryan hey good I was hopin you'd answer (whispers) if your alone cough twice Ryan: i'm alone Seth: kay it's not as stealth but it works too Ryan: (frowns) where are you Seth: well you remember last night when I said that I was going'ta bed Ryan: (frowns) didn't happen huh Seth: uh no it did jus...not my bed (starts walking) but I did bring my favourite pillow (Seth puts the phone on his shoulder so his hands are free, and grabs his shoe off a shelf then bends down to put it on. in the background we see Alex in her bra, pulling on a top) Seth: you know the really fluffy one (sees Alex) hey (grabs his other shoe) Alex: hmm sure you don't wanna stick around for a little (sexy look) hooome schooling Seth: (points) maybe I do Ryan: Seth your parents are both awake Seth: yeah yeah that's why I need you to cover for me Ryan: yeah, let me think about that (we see Seth waiting for Ryan's reply, and he's trying to undo the buttons on his shirt one handed. Alex starts doing it for him) Ryan: no (goes to eat more cereal) Seth: Ryan think of my parents for a second ok they don't wanna know (touches Alex's nose cutesy) I spent all night with a lady, it's only gonna hurt an upset them (Alex finishes undoing the buttons and pulls Seth's shirt open, he has a black shirt on underneath. Alex sits down on the couch and pulls Seth down with her) you know how fragile they are in the mornings, ok thankyou (hangs up) CUT TO: Sandy and Kirsten's bedroom - Sandy is busy fixing his tie and Kirsten comes up behind him. she puts her hands on his shoulders and smiles. Sandy is suprised Kirsten: (smiles) hello Sandy: (smiles) weeell top o'the morning to you too (laughs) Kirsten: mm (moves her head to the other side) Happy Anniversary (Sandy looks suprised by this) Sandy: (softly) ...yeeeaah...Happy Anniversary to you as well (you can clearly tell he forgot that it was their anniversary, it's just hard to convey his look, in words) Kirsten: (eyes closed) mmm, I love you (rubs Sandy's shoulders) Sandy: oooh I (turns to face Kirsten) I love you too (Kirsten has a smile on her face, and her hands on Sandy's shoulders. they kiss {aww} Kirsten puts her hands around Sandy's neck and they hug) Sandy: oooh I love you more now then I did nineteen years ago Kirsten: mm, you mean you love me more now then you did the year after we got married Sandy: (closes his eyes, knowing he's in trouble) noooo com- honey come on (they stop hugging) (big smile, laughs) no you know what i'm sayin, that newly wed year that doesn't count that's a given Kirsten: you don't know how long we've ben married Sandy: (laughs) no, nooo I was kiddin ya, I know it's our twentieth, wh (shakes his head) how could I forget that, who forgets their twentieth anniversary (Sandy kisses Kirsten on the cheek, and Kirsten looks skeptical) Kirsten: hm Sandy: huh (walks away) Kirsten: apparently you (turns to face Sandy) Sandy: no, not me (Kirsten looks at him) if I had thought this was our nineteenth anniversary, I would not have planned a celebration...only worthy...of a twentieth Kirsten: you planned something... Sandy: yeeeaah (nods) it's gonna be awesome (nods, looks at his watch) I gotta go (Sandy leaves and Kirsten looks upset) CUT TO: The kitchen - Ryan is in there getting ready for school and Sandy rushes in Sandy: hey, need a ride to school like this second Ryan: (avoids eye contact) uh no thanks actually I was jus gonna take my bike so, see ya Sandy: (grabs Ryan) do not leave me, not now, an where the hell is Seth I need reinforcements Ryan: uh (backs away) s-Seth left early for school... (Kirsten walks in) Kirsten: he did (frowns) he never leaves early for school Ryan: yeah he had a report to finish I think Sandy: (suprised) a report, about what Ryan: (thinks) (matter of factly) the history of agriculture in twentieth century California (Sandy looks at him) Kirsten: wow, that's specific Ryan: yep (looks at Sandy then Kirsten) Happy Anniversary (smiles) (starts to leave) Sandy: hey kid, I was a public defender for many years (Ryan stops and looks back) i've ben lied to by the best (turns to face Ryan) he snuck out to see his girlfriend didn't he (Ryan looks at Sandy blankly, Sandy looks at Ryan) Kirsten: ugh (closes her eyes) no he didn't (Kirsten looks at Ryan, Ryan looks at them both as though he's thinking then makes a 'fraid so' expression) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet {Tate Donovan is no longer in the opening credits} Harbor school - Seth and Ryan are in the student lounge, walking with their coffees Seth: (in disbelief) the history of agriculture in twentieth century California Ryan: eh Seth: Ryan, the key to lying is to remain vague (Ryan looks at him) have I taught you nothing Ryan: look i'm not a good liar alright Seth: yeah well when it comes ta (points) having a relationship (Ryan looks at him) with Lindsay, you seem to not have such a problem Ryan: I know, well we're both in trouble now (sits on the couch) Seth: yeah i'd feel bad about it (sits next to Ryan) but I don't know you kinda deserve it after that Ryan: ok, you know what next time find someone else to cover for ya (puts his feet up on the table) Seth: (looks at Ryan) cover for me (puts his finger up) let me tell you something (dramatic) if we were buddy cops an (Ryan looks at him) sometimes I like to think that we are (points) i'd be riddled with bullets right now (Summer and Zach walk up to them) Summer: hey guys at the same time: Seth: hey Ryan: hey (Summer sits down on the couch opposite Ryan and Seth) Zach: (to Seth) did'you read the new Whedon X-men (sits next to Summer) Seth: I did (points) an ill tell you my problems with it, there three fold Summer: ok it is too early for comic book talk (Seth looks at Summer) (to Zach) are you getting a coffee (smiles) Zach: (smiles) yeah, i'm getting two (touches Summer's arm) Summer: (laughs) thankyou sweetie (Zach gets up) Seth: (to Ryan) hm, isn't it interesting how Summer is (points) constantly drawn (Ryan looks at him) to the lovers of comic books Summer: (nods) yes Cohen Zach does read comic books but Zach also plays water polo and looks like the guy in the Abercrombie ad (raises eyebrows) Seth: (sarcastic) ooooh (Ryan looks at Seth) Summer: where you read comic books an you (frowns) wear the same clothes (laughs) that you slept in (points) Seth: (puts finger up) ah excuse me, I did not sleep in these clothes Summer: oh ok so putting on the same skeezy shirt from yesterdays a choice, good to know Seth: no (smug) that was just all I had Summer: oh what did you like shack at your girlfriends last night (Ryan looks from Summer to Seth out of the corner of his eye) an do the walk of shame to school this morning (Seth avoids eye contact with her) (thrown) ...so you shacked at Alex's...uh you guys are (raises eyebrows) shacking Ryan: the washing machine broke Summer: you know no offence Ryan but your a really bad liar (Seth looks at Ryan, worried) (laughs) I-its cool you guys, I don't care or anything Seth: no, hey I know (Summer looks sad, Zach comes back with the coffee) Zach: (smiles) there you go (puts coffee on the table) Summer: you know what I can't drink coffee this early (Zach looks at her, confusede) it jus like makes me nauseous, sorry (stands up) (Zach watches Summer leave, confused. then looks at Ryan and Seth who both put their hands out as if to say' I don't know') CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - Julie and Caleb are sitting out on the patio. Julie is scoping out the scenery and Caleb is reading the newspaper Julie: (off screen) if we shoot this way we get the house (on screen, points) but if we shoot the reverse we get the pool an the oceans so (turns, points) square footage (turns) or spectacular views, oh, Cal (Caleb doesn't answer) Cal! (Caleb looks over) (annoyed) this photo shoot is important you could at least feign interest Caleb: which is exactly what i'm doing (Marissa comes over) Marissa: I need money Julie: well good morning to you too (Marissa smirks) so listen Riviera magazine wants to do a big photo spread on us (smiles) now I think its a great opportunity for us to demonstrate the resilience an strength of our family, its wonderful exposure Marissa: (under her breath) any chance to expose yourself hmm Julie: promise me you'll be here an you'll wear something Marc Jacobs an you won't be off with your (pointed) boyfriend Marissa: so I can smile an pretend like we're this happy family Julie: (matter of factly) then I can't give you any money Caleb: (fed up) for the love of god (Caleb stands up, and Julie looks at him. Caleb holds money out to Marissa) Marissa: (takes the money) (to Caleb) thankyou (looks at Julie then leaves) Julie: great, way to undercut my power (looks at Caleb) Caleb: I happen to agree with her, we are far from the perfect family an I see no point lying about it publicly (Caleb walks off and Julie watches him, suprised) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Lindsay are in a classroom together Ryan: the thing is, even if I wanted ta lie about it I cant, I cant lie Lindsay: (confused) w-what'do you mean you have like a moral objection (looks at Ryan) (they are now walking in the hallway) Ryan: no I mean I can't do it, I suck at it Lindsay: oh (thinks) like the whole time you try to pretend like you didn't really like me Ryan: (smiles) ah Lindsay: yeah, I didn't buy that for a second Ryan: yeah, thanks (Lindsay laughs) I jus think it's a matter'a time before Kirsten catches on I mean she's already pretty mad at Seth an Sandy Lindsay: well we'll...tell her...um (stops at her locker) could we...wait a little bit (Ryan frowns) Kirsten an I had plans to go to the big swap meet? at the rose bowl an I mean we'd check out, you know Shakespeare by the sea (Ryan looks reluctant) ...the point is (looks at Ryan) we're...still getting to know each other Ryan: I know, I just don't wanna have'ta lie about it Lindsay: I don't wanna? have to either...believe me (Ryan closes his eyes) I could...still come over tonight...(moves closer to Ryan) an say we're going'to study Ryan: (raises his eyebrows) mmm Lindsay: (pushes Ryan playfully) an really study (smiles) Ryan: ok, yeah sounds good Lindsay: (smiles) we'll tell em soon, I promise (they kiss, Lindsay breaks the kiss then she walks away, Ryan follows) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen that night - Kirsten is sitting at the counter reading, and drinking. Sandy is on the phone Sandy: ooooh thankyou that sounds wonderful (Kirsten looks at Sandy) uh, we'll see you then (hangs up) (Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten is looking down avoiding Sandy) Sandy: alright it was gonna be a suprise but seein how this is our twentieth anniversary I (puts his hands out) (shrugs) I gotta tell ya, this weekend I am taking you, my beautiful bride of twenty years to the fabulous Montage hotel an resort in breathtaking - Laguna beach Kirsten: (not looking up) the Montage gave you a reservation at the last minute Sandy: last minute w-what the phone call (holds up the phone) no, that was me reconfirming (Kirsten looks at him, skeptical) I was jus makin sure they didn't give away our suite that I had booked so many...weeks in advance Kirsten: regardless of when you made the reservation, I don't think we should leave Seth alone right now Sandy: Seth is not gonna be a problem, not after I get done disciplining him (Kirsten looks at him, worried) fear'a god honey...you'll see (Kirsten looks at Sandy unconvinced, we hear a door open in the background) Sandy: start packin your bags (yells) Seth - Ezekiel (walks towards the kitchen entrance) kitchen - now (turns back to face Kirsten) an bring Mr. history of agriculture with ya (Seth slowly walks into the kitchen, followed by Ryan. Sandy walks over and stands next to Kirsten. Seth and Ryan stand at the opposite end of the counter, Seth makes a small wave at them) Sandy: so what'dya have to say for yourself (Seth turns on the side and puts his hand on his hip and looks at Ryan as if he thinks Sandy is talking to Ryan, and not him. Ryan looks at Seth, then Sandy as if to say, he's talking to you not me. Seth realises and looks at Sandy) Seth: oh (Ryan looks down) uh i'm sorry (Kirsten and Sandy look at him) an also it was an accident it was not intentional we were watching TV...an we fell asleep...like mom does every time we put on a movie Kirsten: I do not! i'm just resting my eyes Sandy: (looks at Kirsten, then the boys) your both grounded (Seth makes a sarcastic 'yay' motion, Ryan isn't happy) no goin out, no phones, no TV no video games (to Seth's yay) don't be a smart ass (Seth looks away) do you know what this weekend is Seth: (shrugs) sure it's your twentieth anniversary (Sandy looks at Seth, stunned. Kirsten looks at Sandy. Ryan and Seth look at them both) Sandy: that's right, it is...an I have ben looking forward to this weekend for quite a while Kirsten: uh-hm Sandy: (looks at Kirsten, then back at the boys) look, we wanna go away for the weekend (Seth and Ryan look at him) an if we cant trust you by yourselves...you'll have to stay with your grandfather, which means you'll be spending the weekend with Julie Cooper (Seth and Ryan look at each other, wide eyed) at the same time: Seth: you can trust us Ryan: no more lying Sandy: good, now go do your homework (Seth walks out of the kitchen towards his bedroom, and Ryan heads towards the backyard to get to the pool house. both of them look freaked out {lol} Sandy: (pleased with himself) nothin like a little Julie Cooper to strike terror in the hearts'a children everywhere Kirsten: (smiles/laughs) hm its very impressive Sandy: so, shall I schedule a couple's massage (starts to dial) CUT TO: Summer's bedroom - Summer is lying on her bed, on her stomach and Marissa is sitting cross legged in a chair, doing her homework Marissa: hmm, do you know what the gender for maizon(?) is Summer: what Marissa: (looks at Summer) maizon...our French homework Summer: right...French (frowns) you know half of Orange County speaks Spanish an we're learning how to order braguettes(?) Marissa: ok, someone's in a mood Summer: (looks at Marissa) no i'm not (Marissa looks at Summer then goes back to her homework, Summer goes back to her homework then looks up at Marissa) Summer: look it jus- it wasn't suppose'ta happen like this, I was suppose'ta have s*x first Marissa: (looks at Summer) what're you talking about Summer: (sulky) Cohen, he spent the night at his (immature tone) girlfriends, there obviously doing it Marissa: what happens with Seth an Alex (shrugs) has nothing to do with you and Zach Summer: I know, but I always thought that I would have s*x first an that Cohen would catch syphilis in a public toilet (cheesy grin) Marissa: (shrugs) you cant rush it, you have'ta wait till your ready Summer: (thinks) you know what Coop you are right (nods) wanna know what I just realised (Marissa looks at her) that Zach an I are ready, man are weeee ready, whoo Marissa: (sits forward) maybe we should take a break Summer: (ignoring her) what's French for, lets have s*x...{spelt as it sounds} voolay poolay something or other, I mean (frowns) why don't they ever teach us anything we can use CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on his bed studying, and Lindsay knocks then walks in. Ryan looks over towards her Lindsay: so this is you grounded huh (smiles) Ryan: (walks over to her) suprised they even let you in Lindsay: well I promised i'm over here'ta study Ryan: ahhhh (kisses Lindsay) Lindsay: mm (breaks the kiss) which we're here to do Ryan: right, right study (falls back on the bed) got it (sits up) ahhh (Lindsay sits down next to Ryan and gets her book out, Ryan picks his up from the bed and opens it then breathes out. he looks over at Lindsay and Lindsay notices then looks up at him. she hits Ryan's book with her hand, then points as if to say 'study!') Ryan: yep (looks back at his book) study CUT TO: Cohen living room - Kirsten is sitting on the couch watching TV and Sandy walks in from the kitchen holding 2 bowls of ice-cream Sandy: so (feeling guilty) look not that we were wrong to punish em but y'know maybe we're handling this in the wrong way Kirsten: hmm (Sandy hands her ice-cream) ah, post grounding guilt (Sandy sits next to her) your such a convincing hard ass (looks at Sandy) but deep down your such a softy Sandy: well if all we do is send em to their rooms to do their homework Kirsten: mm Sandy: (shrugs) what're they gonna learn Kirsten: their homework Sandy: mm, well if as parents (swallows) we're spose'ta be setting a good example how can we do that if their not even in the same room with us Kirsten: so you wanna cancel this weekend Sandy: or maybe we could log some quality parent child time right now Kirsten: watching TV...? Sandy: why not (looks at the TV) its Bill O'reily (Kirsten looks at him) that'll be (laughs) punishment enough (Kirsten smiles) let me get Seth (Sandy gets up and goes to get Seth, Kirsten smiles as he walks away) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - we can see it from the outside and gradually the camera moves up so we can see into the bedroom through his window Sandy: alright, I know I sent you off to start serving time- (stops suddenly) (we see Seth with one leg in his bedroom, and one leg out of his window, he stops when he sees Sandy {busted, lol} Seth smiles and waves at Sandy, Sandy is not impressed at all) Sandy: (stunned) you've gotta be kidding me CUT TO: The pool house - we see an outside shot of the pool house, then we see Lindsay's jacket close up just sitting there, the camera moves up slowly so we then see that Lindsay is lying on her back, on the bed. Ryan is on top of her shirtless, holding himself up by his arm, we hear some giggles and a kissing noise Ryan: i'm really starting to get the hang'a this physics thing (more kissing) Lindsay: mm physics an motion? (they kiss some more, which is starting to get heated. there is a knock at the door, they both look over just in time to see Kirsten open the door) Kirsten: are y- (completely stunned) (Ryan and Lindsay look at Kirsten. we can now see that Ryan's lower body is against Lindsay's, and Lindsay has her leg bent, touching Ryan's thigh. Kirsten looks as though she's going to be sick) Kirsten: (puts her hand up) oh - my - god (leaves and slams the door) (Ryan looks worried, Lindsay almost looks relieved) CUT TO: Cohen house the next morning - Kirsten and Sandy are coming out of their bedroom, headed towards the kitchen Kirsten: we can't leave the boys alone (Sandy looks at her) we have'ta cancel Sandy: w-w- we deserve this weekend, believe me after the lecture I gave Seth last night he wont open another window again much less climb outta one Kirsten: Seth, i'm more pre occupied with Ryan an my sister Sandy: well I-I understand but we cannot fight a war on multiple fronts, have we learned nothing from the Nazis (Kirsten looks at Sandy) (they are now at the entrance to the kitchen, they both stop suddenly and stare ahead. we see what they are looking at which is alot of food on the kitchen counter, 3 plates of pancakes, some fruit etc. Ryan and Seth are standing behind the food, with big grins) Seth: good morning Ryan: morning Seth: (points) who wants blueberry pancakes Ryan: banana (points, smiles) Seth: or if you're feeling sinful, chocolate chip Kirsten: not gonna happen Sandy: too little too late Kirsten: nice try Sandy: no way Ryan: I wanted'ta tell you about Lindsay (Seth points at Ryan, then Sandy and Kirsten)) Kirsten: you were too busy studying, believe me, I saw Seth: (to Ryan) ouch, tag out (Ryan looks at him) ok dad first of all, i'm really sorry an now I know your not gonna believe this but- Sandy: you were doin chin ups on the window sill, right Seth: (to Ryan) ah he's good (Ryan looks from Sandy to Seth) tag in (Seth looks away) Ryan: you trusted us, we lied to you there's-there's no excuse (Sandy and Kirsten look at them both) Seth: yeah so we jus want you ta know that whatever punishment you decide on (claps, looks at Ryan) we're fine with Ryan: (looks at them) absolutely Sandy: you guys have no idea how badly you screwed up, no more apologies (Ryan looks down) no more pancakes, you come home straight home after school, capiche Seth: yeah but about the pancakes (points) we still have a batch going (Sandy looks at him, not amused) ...ca-piche (Ryan and Seth both walk out of the kitchen slowly, with their heads down) Kirsten: we can't leave them alone Sandy: what, so we get punished too, give me the day to deal with this put some bars on the window i'll find out what's really goin on Kirsten: well I found out enough last night (looks at Sandy) Sandy: honey, we are gonna celebrate our anniversary (kisses Kirsten's cheek) an the kids are not gettin in the way (Kirsten half smiles) CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - DJ pulls up in his truck, to pick Marissa up for school. he gets out and smiles/wave at Marissa who has just come down the stairs. Marissa smiles and waves back Julie: Marissa, honey, wait please Marissa: (sighs) i'm late for school Julie: I jus wanted'ta remind you about the photo shoot tomorrow Marissa: great, still not coming (walks away) Julie: Marissa, honey uh- (Marissa stops and turns) look...I know things haven't ben very easy around here, everything with Caleb an...your father leaving (Marissa stares at her, then closes her eyes) but this is the only family we have an I really want it to work (Marissa looks at her) an not just for the photo shoot, you know maybe we should take that trip to portervoyarter? Marissa: (scoffs) so now your bribing me Julie: does that mean you'll be there Marissa: (thinks) you know what, sure, ill even bring DJ (turns away) Julie: Marissa (Marissa turns back) he's not even our yard guy anymore, you understand this was a portrait of our lives Marissa: an DJ is apart of my life, so ill see if he's free an we'll get back to you (smiles, then walks away) (Julie sighs) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Lindsay are walking into their physics class Lindsay: iiiiii am so sorry...I ran away I-I should've...stayed an...apologised Ryan: no, be happy you took off (pulls Lindsay's chair out for her) 'sides it was my fault anyway I... kinda knew we weren't gonna study Lindsay: (sits) (laughs) yeah Ryan: yeah Lindsay: well we...both knew we weren't going to study (Ryan sits) you at least had honourable intentions (Ryan looks at her) towards Kirsten...not me (laughs) Ryan: (smiles) right Lindsay: ...well, least she knows right...an probably just (shrugs) needs a little time to get use to it (smiles) Ryan: ...how much time are we talkin about Lindsay: (shakes her head as if to say ' who knows') no ill talk to her, I mean I need to talk to her, I mean after all we're sisters Ryan: yeah...that's kinda the problem (looks at Lindsay) (Lindsay smiles/laughs. Ryan looks worried, Lindsay looks worried as well, but not as much) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Alex is standing at the bar pulling out glasses from a crate and putting them on the top, a man in a suit comes down the stairs, when Alex starts talking we cant yet see the mans head Alex: (looks over) hey look the managers not here right now but he has all the permits so (the man comes off the stairs and we can now see that is Sandy) Sandy: i'm not the cops (walks towards Alex) much worse...i'm Seth's dad Alex: (looks at Sandy) that is worse (walks passed Sandy continuing to work) Sandy: well I came to apologise for keepin Seth from sneakin outta the house to see ya last night it- its a terrible thing leavin ya hangin like that Alex: (nods) ah-huh (walks passed again) you want me to stop seeing him don't you Sandy: yeah (Alex leans over the bar and grabs something from behind, Sandy looks away) but seein how he's a teenage boy an you've got tattoos an run a rock 'n' roll club i'm not expectin any miracles Alex: so what is this, a warning Sandy: whoa your a little edgy around figures of authority aren't ya (Alex gives Sandy a look, but Sandy has her back to him) hey no bar nuts, what kinda joint is this Alex: ill get right on it (smiles) Sandy: (leans on the bar) your a bartender, you listen to peoples problems (faces Alex) hear mine, this is my twentieth anniversary (sighs) or is suppose'ta be (Alex is listening) its not goin so well...an now...my wife is convinced she can't leave Seth alone Alex: you need me ta baby-sit Sandy: cute Alex: you think i'm corrupting him Sandy: (walks towards Alex) I think your a smart girl (Alex looks down) an I think he'll listen to ya...more then he's gonna listen to his parents right now Alex: (thrown)...wow uh-hm, no dad has ever asked me to straighten out his son before Sandy: (shakes his head) I really don't like goin behind his back but I-I I think sometimes in order to be a good dad you gotta be a bad guy (Alex looks at Sandy and nods, Sandy looks at Alex) Alex: (almost sad) ...don't have much experience with good dads (smiles/laughs, then looks away) Sandy: hey well listen you stop over at the house any time, Kirsten an I 'll be very happy to ground you too (Sandy walks away, and Alex watches him. {they both seem to have different ideas about each other compared to when Sandy first walked in, it's definitely a touching scene}} CUT TO: Harbor school - Zach is in the student lounge and Summer comes in and goes over to him Summer: (touches Zach's arm) hi Zach: oh (they kiss) hello Summer: (smiles) hey (takes Zach's hand) so, I have ben thinking (they head towards the couches) maybe we could do something tonight...just you an I...alone Zach: iiii've gotta pick up my sister from the airport tonight (they sit on the couch together) Summer: (concerned) oh why is she handicapped or something Zach: no, she's just (smiles) she's ben out of the country I haven't seen her for like a year Summer: got it (laughs) well, so anyways we've ben dating...for a few months now and I really like you Zach: cool, I like you too (smiles) Summer: cool (laughs) well I was thinking maybe we could take this to the next step Zach: (smiles) your totally right Summer, i've actually ben thinking about it for a while I just, I didn't wanna rush Summer: (eager) oh lets rush (smiles) Zach: ok then uh this weekend Summer: this weekend is puuuur-fect (touches Zach's chest) Zach: good, ill call my parents an let em know Summer: (suprised) wow (frowns) you really keep your parents informed huh Zach: well if there going to be meeting my girlfriend I think they should probably know (Summer realises they werent talking about the same thing) and this works perfectly with Abigail being back in town, so like lunch tomorrow (Summer just smiles, not saying anything) great (kisses Summer on the cheek) Summer: mmm Zach: (smiles) this is gonna be great (gets up) Summer: mm-hmm, yes nice... (Summer looks worried) [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: Seth riding his skate board outside - we then see him walking up to Alex's door, he knocks and Alex opens the door Seth: hello (walks in) i'm here for my after school tutorial in the art of gettin it on (Seth goes to kiss Alex, and Alex puts her hand on his mouth and pulls away) Seth: (Alex's hand still on his mouth) is this the advanced class (playfully bites Alex's fingers) Alex: I don't feel good (walks to the couch) Seth: (shuts the door) alright, well maybe my magic hands can be of service (Seth sits down next to Alex and goes to massage her shoulder, Alex closes her eyes and pulls his hand away, she looks at him seriously) Alex: what're we doing Seth: I call this part preppin the oven (rubs his hands together and puts his hadn back on her shoulder) Alex: no what (pulls Seth's hand away) are we doing in the larger sense Seth: (looks at Alex) ...did something happen Alex: (sighs) (looks at Seth) your parents are worried about you... Seth: my parents, how would you even know about- (Seth looks at Alex, Alex looks at Seth. Seth realises) Seth: did my dad come by the club Alex: your dad...stopped by the club (sits back) (Seth buries his head in his hands) Seth: ooooh (looks up) that's embarrassing (sits back) Alex: i've never listened to my own parents, suddenly I feel compelled to listen to yours Seth: Sandy Cohen has that affect on people (Alex stands up and looks at Seth) Seth: so your gonna need some space... Alex: i'm gonna need some space Seth: (sits forward) yep, probably a little time (stands) Alex: definitely some time (opens the door) (Seth walks to the door) i'm sorry Seth: (hurt) cool (walks out) Alex: but tell your parents Happy Anniversary (Alex shuts the door and turns around, she looks sad) CUT TO: Cohen backyard, its now night - Kirsten is lying on a sun lounge with a drink in her hand, looking sad. Sandy runs out to her, holding a beer Sandy: the cars got a full tank'a gas, an tomorrow we can head right down (sits with Kirsten) Kirsten: you can't be serious (drinks) Sandy: the boys'll be fine at Caleb's, I talked to Seth's girlfriend she's a bit of a character but (shrugs) she seems like a good kid Kirsten: is that why Seth isn't home yet (Sandy is suprised) i'm not letting the boys stay with Julie Cooper, but they can't be left alone Sandy: honey, there teenagers, they like girls Kirsten: one of which happens to be my sister Sandy: so what w-w-w what we're gonna forbid em Kirsten: well not you, you wouldn't forbid them anything your too busy being there best friend, i'm the one that has to enforce all the rules Sandy: i've never done more grounding then I have in the last twenty four hours Kirsten: who let Seth run away'ta Portland Sandy: what we're talkin about this now Kirsten: an who went up there an told him he could stay Sandy: (yells) it's a good thing I did, if I had let you drag him home we could'a lost him forever Kirsten: (yells) yeah but that's why this is happening, because he thinks he can do whatever he wants an you'll jus keep me from coming down on him Sandy: you think somebody can stop you from comin down on somebody Kirsten: right, (angry) an I should find it adorable that you forgot - our - anniversary (Sandy looks at Kirsten, Kirsten looks at Sandy hurt then looks away) Sandy: (calmer) could we please talk about this later Kirsten: (pointed) we have all weekend I cancelled the reservations (Sandy drinks his beer) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Sandy is sitting on the couch quietly drinking coffee, he sees Seth come down the stairs. Seth sees Sandy and starts to go back up the stairs Sandy: oh hey hey hey hey hey (motions) come come come on...let's do this thing (Seth reluctantly walks in) so what's goin on with you (sits forward) huh (Seth shrugs) where'd this bizarro Seth come from Seth: nice comic book reference (sits in the armchair) Sandy: so...you spent the night at this girls house...are ya...are ya havin s*x Seth: no dad you don't have'ta worry about that ever happening now that you showed up at the club an...worked your magic Sandy: i'm sorry but you left me no choice...what'did we do, are ya angry at us Seth: (closes his eyes, shakes his head) no Sandy: then it's about the girl Seth: I jus you know, whenever i'm around her I feel like I constantly have'ta prove to her...that I deserve ta be around her Sandy: even if it's at the expense of your parent's relationship (Seth looks at Sandy, before anyone has a chance to say anything Ryan comes out of the kitchen. Sandy looks over at him) Sandy: hey, come on in here (motions to Ryan) join the party (Ryan reluctantly walks over to them) Sandy: so, the last time I checked in with you (Ryan sits on the arm of Seth's chair) you an Lindsay were headed inta the friend's zone Ryan: we were... Sandy: (sits back) you lied to us Ryan: I know an i'm sorry Sandy: well you know what i'm afraid its a little late for apologies...from any of us (Ryan and Seth both look as though they feel bad) my wedding anniversary weekend is uh...officially ruined Ryan: (thinks) how can we help (Seth looks at Sandy, Sandy looks at Ryan then Seth, half smiling) CUT TO: Kirsten's office - Kirsten is working at her desk, and there is a knock. Kirsten looks up and Lindsay is standing in the doorway Lindsay: hey Kirsten: hey Lindsay: (walks in) um I-I called your house an...Sandy said you might be here Kirsten: I-I had some...work ta finish Lindsay: right...right um (Kirsten isn't looking at Lindsay, both are clearly uncomfortable) Lindsay: i'm sorry (Kirsten looks at her) you know Ryan an I started seeing each other before I-I found out about everything an-an then (shrugs) iiiit all happened so fast an...it was alot (Kirsten looks down) (shakes her head) I never wanted...to upset you Kirsten: I know...an I-I probably over reacted Lindsay: no it...was embarrassing Kirsten: ...Lindsay...maybe you an I need to take some time (Lindsay looks upset) accepting Ryan into my home as my son was a huge - deal for me...(Lindsay looks down, then at her) an taking you in as my sister, which I am thrilled about, its just complicated Lindsay: (confused) so you...you don't want me seeing Ryan Kirsten: I would never say that...its jus that while your seeing him maybe we should take a step back Lindsay: a step back...so does that mean we're like cousins now I mean (laughs) Kirsten: ...maybe we should be f-friends Lindsay: friends...um (shrugs) great, bye (Lindsay leaves, clearly upset and Kirsten closes her eyes and sighs) CUT TO: A restaurant - Summer and Zach walk in together for lunch with his parents Zach: i'm not nervous so you're not nervous, right Summer: i'm sooo not nervous, dads love me Zach: oh my dad couldn't make it, he got held up in DC on some assault weapons bad? (Summer looks worried. they are now almost at the table) Zach: hey mom, Abbi (Zach's mom stands and kisses Zach on the cheek) Zach: how are you Z's mom: good Zach: (points) this is Summer Summer: hi Z's mom: oh it's a pleasure to meet you (shakes Summer's hand) Zach's told us so much about you Summer: oh all lies i'm sure (they all sit down at the table. Summer is sitting between Zach and his sister, and Zach is sitting between Summer and his mom) Abbi: all I was tryin'a say mother- Z's mom: Abbi I don't think this is the time, I don't think Summer would be interested Summer: oh no Summer's interested, please whatever you were chatting about continue, i'm a listener Abbi: I was saying that what's happening in Cashmere just shows us how countries can be- Summer: (misunderstands) I know, pashmina's this season were so cute (Abbi looks at her) I don't go anywhere without my cashmere purse (smiles) Zach: uh Summer there uh- Abbi: um no uh Cashmere, as in the disputed region between India an Pakistan (Z's mom looks at Summer) they fought three wars over it (Summer looks at Abbi, clearly out of her depth. Zach looks at Summer) Summer: (nods) ...yes...yes totally, Cashmere (Zach smiles) yeah, I agree Abbi: (confused) agree with...what Summer: ...what Z's mom: what she means dear is, uh what'do you agree with, do you think the Indians should cede Cashmere to the Pakistanis (Zach looks from his mom, to Summer) or should it remain an independent state Summer: (clueless) oh...yeah, tough call (Abbi looks at her) (thinks) hmm (raises her eyebrows) two sides to every story (Summer smiles uncomfortably, Zach looks from Summer to Abbi, Abbi and his mom are both looking at Summer) Summer: ...(to Abbi) you know you are just...so tan, Zach here tells me you studied abroad, in St Bart's perhaps? I hear the four seasons there is amazing Abbi: I was building an irrigation system in a village in southern India Summer: (even more out of her depth) hmm (Zach looks at Summer, then looks down. Abbi looks from Summer to Zach, Z's mom looks at Zach) Zach: maybe we should order Summer: lovely... {I just wanted to say that Summer now realises what Seth felt, when he bombed so badly with her dad. I would have to say though, Summer was definitely worse here. poor girl!} CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Seth is sitting on the edge of the stage, Alex walks out carrying a crate of water bottles. Seth makes a small wave at her Alex: this is your concept of time an space! Seth: (sighs) oh don't flatter yourself, i'm here on official business Alex: and what business would that be Seth: ummm I would like my job back (puts his hand out to Alex) Alex: no (walks passed Seth to the bar, she has her back to him) Seth: listen...the folks there a little bit mad at me ok an needless to say...my allowance has ben impacted (shakes his head, puts his hand on his chest) now I don't wanna have'ta start tightening my belt, don't wanna have'ta give up the vacation homes, the porche the grotto Alex: (turns around) you're really tuggin at my heart strings here Seth: (stands) ...look I get why you're upset Alex: no I think you don't (folds her arms) Seth: uh because my dad broke up with you for me Alex: ok now I know you don't (Seth looks at her as if to say 'well') you don't realise how lucky you are Seth: (confused) that my dad showed up an humiliated me...? Alex: that he showed up at all, that he cares, that there's something wrong an his first reaction isn't jus ta throw you outta the house (Seth looks at her, you can tell he feels bad) (Alex turns and grabs the mop) Alex: (hands mop to Seth) (avoids eye contact with him) ...still pays minimum wage...you know where the bathrooms are... Seth: (looks at Alex) are there any other perks Alex: (sad) what's the point Seth...it's not like there ever gonna approve of me... Seth: (nods, thinks) well maybe there's a way we can show em your not so bad (Alex looks down) hmm (touches Alex's mouth) smile (Alex half smiles) {i just have to say that this scene was great for Alex, we finally got to see some depth to this incredible girl, she looked so vulnerable when she said that they'd never approve of her. i hope we see more of it in the future!. you can tell Seth cares about her as well} CUT TO: Caleb's mansion - there is a photographer outside in the yard, framing them for the photo. Marissa, Caleb and Julie are standing in front of the house and pool waiting for him to take the photo. Marissa has her arms folded, Julie is the only one that looks like she wants to be there Caleb: (smiling, impatient) what is taking so long, he's not painting our portrait (the photographer continues to 'frame') Caleb: (points) my face is going'to freeze in the position unless you push the button (in the background, DJ arrives) Julie: Cal this photograph is going to be seen (Marissa turns around and sees DJ) by everyone in Newport Beach, you don't want frown lines Photographer: ok if you can all smile Caleb: I am smiling damn it (the photographer goes to take the photo) Marissa: oh, wait a second (goes over to DJ) hey (hugs DJ) DJ: i'm sorry i'm late (Julie and Caleb see DJ) Julie: oh my god! Caleb: (confused) he's come ta mow the lawn, can't he reschedule Julie: oh, ill handle this (motions 5 to the photographer) Caleb: handle what, tell him to come back tomorrow (Julie walks away) (yells) an check for poison oak Julie: what is he doing here DJ: (to Marissa) I...thought you said she was cool with this Julie: (scoffs) you must be joking Marissa: look, either DJ's in the photo or i'm out (shrugs) its up'ta you (Julie looks at Marissa) DJ: nah you know ill save you the hard choice (looks at Marissa) i'm leaving Julie: works for me DJ: (to Marissa) thanks alot (walks off) Marissa: (to Julie) you can forget your photo shoot (goes after DJ) DJ wai- Julie: (stops Marissa) don't, ill go...if having him here means we get our picture taken ill bring him back Marissa: like he'll listen'a you Julie: (smug) well considering i'm not the one who lied to him, I think I have a better shot then you (Julie walks away and Marissa rolls her eyes - we now see Julie heading towards DJ's car. DJ is almost at it) Julie: DJ...wait up DJ: what, you need some hedges trimmed Julie: don't be so self deprecating, I wanted'ta thankyou for not causing more of a scene back there DJ: oh save the act Mrs. Cooper, I know you hate me being with Marissa Julie: it's Mrs. Cooper - Nichol an your damn right I do (DJ looks away) you know the Nichol on the end of my name allows me to write you a cheque with a few zeros on the end of it DJ: what're you talking about Julie: what'do you say five grand, never to see my daughter again (DJ looks at her) how do you spell your last name, never mind, you can fill that part out DJ: (disgusted) your unbelievable (gets in the car) Julie: i'm doing you a favour honey (DJ looks at her) you an I both know Marissa's just using you to get back at me (DJ looks away) what'do you think today was all about hm, only seems fair you should get something out of this relationship too (Julie tears off the cheque and hands it to DJ then walks away. DJ looks at the cheque) CUT TO: The pier - Lindsay walks over to Ryan who is waiting for her Lindsay: hey Ryan: hey Lindsay: what's goin on (they kiss, then hug) ok you tell me your news Ryan: yeah Lindsay: cause then I have some (they are both standing next to a railing now, facing each other) Ryan: oh yeah you uh you wanna go first Lindsay: nooo yoooou picked this very important meeting at the pier so you get the honours Ryan: alright (Lindsay laughs) uh it's just (looks at Lindsay) us...this...its causing problems for Kirsten an Sandy and...an I just I can't do that to em, I owe em...too much you know (Lindsay looks at him, stunned) (shakes his head) I just...think we should take some time...space...for a while, be friends Lindsay: (looks at Ryan) (softly) ...great...two hours ago...I had a sister an a boyfriend and now all I have are friends (walks away) Ryan: whoa, wait (grabs Lindsay) what Lindsay: ...before I came here I talked to Kirsten an she asked me without asking me, to choose... between a sister an a boyfriend (Ryan looks at her, stunned) (laughs) and genius that I am...I chose you (Ryan looks at her, realising) had I known that you had this whole time space plan I might've chosen differently Ryan: I didn't know, i'm sorry Lindsay: oh (looks away) yeah you're sorry, cool cause...that really fixes absolutely nothing... (Ryan looks at her, helpess) I gotta go (Lindsay walks away and Ryan turns around and watches) CUT TO: Cohen kitchen that night - Ryan and Seth are sitting at the kitchen table quietly doing their homework. Kirsten is sitting at the counter, and Sandy comes in Sandy: oh there she is, all day i've ben lookin for this beautiful woman (kisses Kirsten on the cheek) Happy Anniversary (smiles) Kirsten: (unenthusiastically) Happy Anniversary Sandy: so come on, let's go let's get ready Kirsten: (frowns) get ready for what Sandy: my dear, maybe you've forgotten but it's our twentieth anniversary an i'm takin you to the Arches Kirsten: you've got ta be kidding Sandy: look I know what you're worried about, never fear i've (shrugs) hired some baby-sitters (Kirsten looks at Sandy, then over at the boys) Sandy: (yells) fellas (Seth and Ryan turn around to see who their 'baby-sitters' are) Sandy: Joe, Tim (two uniformed officers walk into the kitchen {lol}) Sandy: (points) two of Orange County's finest, we've ben friends (Ryan and Seth are stunned) since I worked the PD's office Joe: evening Mrs. Cohen (Kirsten looks at them, and half smiles) your boys'll be safe with us, Happy Anniversary (smiles) (Sandy smiles, pleased with himself) (Seth and Ryan look at each other, worried) CUT TO: The Arches - Kirsten and Sandy are sitting at their table, eating Sandy: mm aribi? is excellent, how's your turbo Kirsten: (not looking up) fine Sandy: just fine...? too fishy...send it back if you want Kirsten: (closes her eyes) Sandy Sandy: no send it back Kirsten: Sandy Sandy: oh alright, i'm sorry, i'm sorry all I wanted was ta...give ya a special evening (Kirsten drinks) an some turbo that wasn't too fishy Kirsten: (looks down) ...I know (looks at Sandy) i-i'm sorry I brought up Portland last night, that wasn't your fault...its jus Seth is growing up so fast an...(sad) I-I don't wanna lose him Sandy: lets stop apologising (takes Kirsten's hand) ok let's just enjoy ourselves, an look on the bright side... (Kirsten is listening) we got all of this out of our system before Valentines Day (Kirsten smiles/laughs) (looks over) oh no Kirsten: (looks) oh god (we now see what they are seeing, which is the two baby-sitting officers walking towards them, without Seth & Ryan) Joe: I don't know how they did it Sandy (Sandy is looking at them, shocked) but uh we went outside for a second (Sandy and Kirsten both look at each other, worried) they were gone Sandy: (puts his hand up) cheque CUT TO: Summer's bedroom - Summer is sitting in front of her bed on the floor watching TV (from the audio we can tell its news related) Marissa opens the door, Summer motions for her to come in. Marissa shuts the door and walks over to Summer Summer: I cannot believe what Chirac said to the farmers union (Marissa puts pillows on the floor) you go Jaque Marissa: (sits) (sees magazines in front of her) the economist Summer: hm Marissa: the nation, the new republic (looks at Summer) ok what're you doing Summer: i'm informing myself Coop, it's impossible there is sooo much news, you know the worst part is it is constantly changing...if everything could jus stop for like...one day, maybe I could catch up Marissa: (looks at Summer) you should just call him back, he's left you four messages since lunch Summer: if Zach wants'ta dump me he can do it in person Marissa: yeah at least Zach's calling you, I haven't heard from DJ since the photo shoot incident... Summer: (looks at Marissa) you mean since your mother spoke to him Marissa: yeah exactly, an who knows what she said Summer: hmm Marissa: I left him a message ta meet us, i'm really getting worried... Summer: well i'm passed the point of worrying, i've resigned to my fate Marissa: the lunch cant of ben that bad (shrugs) Summer: remember uh how lunch went with my dad an Cohen (looks at Marissa) Marissa: hm Summer: well compared to my performance today Cohen came off like Cofianan Marissa: (frowns) who's Cofianan Summer: hm some guy Zach's uh mom knows (shrugs) I think he works for united airlines Marissa: hm CUT TO: Inside the police car - Sandy and Kirsten are sitting in the back seat, and the 2 officers are in the front Kirsten: (to Sandy) I can't believe you talked me inta leaving them Sandy: well excuse me for wantin'ta celebrate our twentieth anniversary Kirsten: how do you know where they are Sandy: a hunch (to officers) hey fellas lets pick it up huh Tim: you got it Sandy (turns sirens on) (we see the car go speeding past. the next thing we see is the outside of the Bait Shop. we hear the siren then see the police car coming up to the Bait Shop entrance. it stops outside, Sandy and the 2 officers get out. one of the officers opens Kirsten's door for her and she gets out) Sandy: thanks Tim (to Kirsten) everything they said to us...feelin sorry, wanting to reform all lies, no more Mr. nice guy Kirsten: so now you admit that you were Mr. nice guy (Kirsten walks in, and Sandy stops and shakes his head then follows her - camera changes and we see them walking in, from inside the Bait Shop) Sandy: oh d-don't make this about me, we show a united front, we show no mercy (Kirsten looks at him) if he wants bad, I can be bad...but first (Kirsten and Sandy are standing near the railing up the top. all of a sudden the lights go on down the bottom, and there is people everywhere) Everyone (including Sandy): SUPRISE! (Kirsten looks down at everybody, shocked. we see Ryan and Seth looking up at them from the stage, Julie and Caleb looking up at them from near the stage, and Marissa and Summer are standing near the bar, Alex is behind it) Kirsten: (huge smile) you planned all this Sandy: well I prefer the term orchestrated (smiles) Ryan: (into the mic) so we're here tonight (Kirsten and Sandy come down the stairs) ta celebrate the marriage of Sandy an Kirsten Cohen (everyone goes whoo hoo, yeah, claps and cheers) (Seth takes the mic) (Ryan raises his drink to them) Seth: yeah an we all owe them soooo much, I think, because if they were never married then they never would'a had me an think of what all you people would be missing out on (everyone laughs) now Ryan: (takes the mic) (to Seth) that's touching. so we'd like to take a moment...an say thanks (Kirsten smiles) for everything Seth: (grabs the mic back) (looks at Ryan) and Ryan: and Seth: apologise Ryan: yes (puts his arm around Seth's shoulder) Seth: for everything because here's the thing (Sandy takes his jacket off) the fact that your marriage can survive the two of us (Kirsten and Sandy both smile) (Ryan nods) is truly inspiring an it gets me here (points to his heart) Ryan: (laughs at Seth) (takes the mic) to Sandy and Kirsten (he and Seth raise there drinks) (more cheers, whistles, clapping, yeah's and here here's. Sandy claps, then he and Kirsten k

After Caleb's reveal, Lindsay and Ryan grapple with their relationship: Is Lindsay Ryan's aunt or his girlfriend? Meanwhile, Summer meets Zach's family and it doesn't go so well. In the end it's an anniversary to remember as Sandy Cohen surprises Kirsten with a serenade at the Bait Shop. But Marissa ends up alone as D.J. leaves Newport Beach.

fd_Doctor_Who_03x07

fd_Doctor_Who_03x07_0

The TARDIS flies through a red Time Vortex; going forwards in time. Inside, the Doctor is using the sonic screwdriver on Martha's phone, while she stands nearby, watching. The Doctor begins to walk around the centre console, still working. THE DOCTOR: There we go! Universal Roaming. Never have to worry about a signal again. He throws the phone back to Martha, who catches is one-handed. Indeed, the screen now displays "Universal Roaming Activated". The Doctor begins to press buttons on the console. MARTHA: No way! But it's... too mad! You're telling me I can call anyone, anywhere in Space and Time on my mobile?! THE DOCTOR: Long as you know the area code. (Martha looks stunned. The Doctor smiles). Frequent Fliers' privilege. (Martha smiles back). Go on. Try it. Martha begins to dial. Suddenly the TARDIS jolts, throwing both the Doctor and Martha to the floor. The monitor is now flashing red. THE DOCTOR: Distress signal! Locking on! (With his foot, he activates a switch on the console). Might be a bit of... (Another violent jolt sends them both flying again. Then, all is still. The Doctor sits up)... Turbulence. Sorry! (He runs towards the doors, while Martha is still finding her feet, looking annoyed). Come on Martha! Let's take a look! Martha runs after him. The TARDIS has landed in what looks to be an engine room, which is glowing red from extreme heat. The TARDIS doors open, and the Doctor leans out. THE DOCTOR (walking out of the TARDIS): Whoa! Now that is hot! MARTHA (also stepping out): Whoa! It's like a sauna in here! She takes her jacket off. THE DOCTOR (looking at pieces of equipment): Venting systems. Working at full pelt. Trying to cool down... (He stands up straight again). Uh, where-ever it is we are. Well! If you can't stand the heat... (He walks towards a heavy-duty door, opens it, and walks through. Above the door is a sign, saying "Area 30"). Well, that's better... Three people, two men and a woman, Captain McDonnell, come running towards him from the opposite direction. They all look very hot. RILEY: Oi! You two! McDONNELL: Get out of there! !! RILEY (pointing): Seal that door! Now! The Doctor looks stunned and confused. The two men quickly seal the door, just after Martha steps out. McDONNELL: Who are you? What are you doing on my ship? RILEY: Are you police? THE DOCTOR: Why would we be police? MARTHA: We got your distress signal. THE DOCTOR: If this is a ship, why can't I hear any engines? McDONNELL: It went dead four minutes ago. SCANNELL: So maybe we should stop chatting and get to engineering. Captain. COMPUTER: Secure closure active. McDONNELL (as a loud clang sounds behind her, and she looks).: What?! SCANNELL: The ship's gone mad. We see that yet another person, a woman, is running down the corridor, this time with doors slamming shut just behind her. ERINA: Who activated secure closure? I nearly got locked in to area 27. (The closest door slams shut locking them into area 29. Sounding puzzled). Who are you? The Doctor goes to answer, but Martha cuts him off. She sounds distracted. MARTHA: He's the Doctor and I'm Martha. Hello. She begins to walk forward. It looks like she has been possessed. COMPUTER: Impact projection: 42 minutes. Martha is heading for a small window, that appears to have golden light shining in. McDONNELL: We'll get out of this. I promise. MARTHA (shakily. She continues to look hypnotised): Doctor... THE DOCTOR: Forty-two minutes 'til what? MARTHA (almost screaming, she presses her face up against the window): Doctor! !! Look. The Doctor runs over and looks out of the window with her. We see them from outside the spaceship, a la "The Girl In The Fireplace". The spaceship is extremely long and thin, with a vertical shaft at one end. As the camera spins around, we see a burning sun, too close to the ship for comfort. It appears that the ship is hurtling towards it. McDONNELL : Forty-two minutes until we crash into the sun. OPENING CREDITS The Doctor runs away from the window, over to McDonnell, and grabs her arm. He sounds panicky THE DOCTOR: How many crew members on board? McDONNELL: Seven, including us. SCANNELL: We transport cargo across the galaxy. Everything's automated. We just keep the ship... THE DOCTOR (runs back towards the door where he came from): Call the others, I'll get you out! He goes to open the door. The crew members rush to stop him. RILEY: What's he doing?! McDONNELL: No! Don't! But it is too late. The Doctor has opened the door. It has become so hot in area 30, the pure force knocks the Doctor backwards and off his feet. He yells as he falls. Martha automatically comes to his aid, but he's alright. One of the crew members shuts the door, dressed in breathing apparatus, whilst the others crowd round the Doctor. THE DOCTOR: But my ship's in there! RILEY: In the vent chamber? The Crew member who shut the door takes their breathing apparatus off. It is the female crew member. She stands beside the door, and reads off of the gauges there. THE DOCTOR: It's our lifeboat! SCANNELL: It's lava. ERINA: The temperature's going mad in there! Up 3000 degrees in ten seconds, and still rising. RILEY: Channelling the air. The closer we get to the sun, the hotter that room's gonna get. MARTHA(with contempt): We're stuck here. THE DOCTOR: So? We fix the engines, we steer the ship away from the Sun! Simple! Engineering down here, is it?! He begins running down a corridor. The computer readout showing the time until Solar Impact is shown. It is counting down. At the moment, it reads 00.40.26 COMPUTER: Impact in 40.26. The Doctor, followed by McDonnell and the rest of the crew run down a set of stairs. The Doctor stops suddenly, bemused. THE DOCTOR: Blimey! Do you always leave things in such a mess? McDONNELL: Oh my god! SCANNELL: What the hell happened?! They all walk over to what looks like a completely wrecked engine. Wires, springs and casing are all over the place, all steaming. They all walk round the piece of machinery, surveying the damage. RILEY: Oh, it's wrecked. THE DOCTOR: Pretty efficiently too. Someone knew what they were doing. The Doctor wanders over to a computer terminal, attached to the wreckage. McDONNELL (looking round): Where's Korwin? Has anyone heard from him or Ashton? SCANNELL: No. MARTHA: You mean someone did this on purpose? McDonnell runs over to an intercom system. McDONNELL: Korwin? Ashton? Where are you? (No response). Korwin, can you answer?! (Still no answer. McDonnell leaves the intercom). Where the hell is he? He should be up here! The Doctor has be scanning to find out where they are. Behind him, the crew are rushing about, trying to find Korwin, and trying to repair the ship. THE DOCTOR (happily, with specs on): Oh! We're in the Torajji system! Lovely! (The screen readout shows a system of planets, circling a huge sun). You're a long way from home, Martha. Half a universe away. He leaves the terminal. MARTHA (sarcastically): Yeah. Feels it. THE DOCTOR (to McDonnell): And, you're still using energy scoops for fusion? Hasn't that been outlawed yet? The crew look at each other, guiltily. McDONNELL (dismissively): We're due to upgrade next docking. (She walks away from the Doctor). Scannell, engine report. Scannell walks over to the computer terminal the Doctor was at before. He scans, with everyone looking anxiously over his shoulder. The machine beeps several times. SCANNELL: No response. He runs over to the wrecked engine. McDONNELL: What?! SCANNELL (examining pieces of wire protruding from the wreck): They're burnt out. The controls are wrecked. I can't get them back online. THE DOCTOR (taking his glasses off): Oh come on! Auxiliary engines! Every craft's got auxiliaries! McDONNELL: We don't have access from here. The auxiliary controls are in the front of the ship. SCANNELL: Yeah, with 29 password sealed doors between us and them. You'll never get there in time. MARTHA (sounding slightly put out): Can't you override the doors? SCANNELL: No. Sealed closure means what it says. They're all dead-lock sealed. THE DOCTOR (disappointed): So a sonic screwdriver's no use... SCANNELL: Nothing's any use. We've got no engines, no time, and no chance. THE DOCTOR: Oh listen to you! Defeated before you've even started! Where's your Dunkirk spirit?! (To McDonnell): Who's got the door passwords? RILEY (Interrupting): They're randomly generated. Reckon I know most of 'em. Sorry. Riley Vashti. THE DOCTOR (taking command): Then what're you waiting for Riley Vashti, get on it. RILEY: Well, it's a two-person job (He goes and fetched what looks to be a huge magnetic clamp, and a huge backpack). One, it takes to answer the questions, and the other to carry this. (Putting the kit on his back). The oldest and cheapest security system around, eh captain? McDONNELL: Reliable and simple, just like you, eh Riley? RILEY: Try and be helpful, get abuse. Nice! MARTHA (taking equipment from Riley's hands) : I'll help you. Make myself useful. RILEY: It's remotely controlled by computer panel. That's why it needs two. Riley turns, and head away from the group. Martha makes to follow him. THE DOCTOR (to Martha, seriously): Oi. (Martha turns to face him). Be careful. MARTHA (smiling) You too. She turns, and follows Riley away. Suddenly, a male voice comes over the intercom. ASHTON (over comm.): McDonnell? It's Ashton. McDonnell runs back over to the intercom panel. McDONNELL: Where are you? Is Korwin with you? ASHTON (deadly serious): Get up to the med-centre now! McDonnell leaves the intercom and runs. The Doctor follows her. Outside the engine room, Martha and Riley are just setting up for their attempt at opening the doors, as McDonnell and the Doctor run past. The computer screen showing the countdown is shown again. This time reading "Solar Impact in 00:34:31". COMPUTER: Impact in 34.31. In the med-centre, a man, Korwin, is thrashing about in agony on a bed, by what looks to be an MRI scanner, his eyes tight shut. A man, Ashton, and a woman, Abi, are trying to restrain him. KORWIN (in agony, between spasms of pain): Argh! Stop it! ABI (struggling to restrain him): Korwin! It's Abi! Open your eyes, I need to take a look at you! McDonnell and the Doctor run in. McDONNELL: Korwin! What's happened?! Is he OK?! The Doctor runs to the foot of the bed. KORWIN (still thrashing about): Oh God! Help me! It's burning me! !! THE DOCTOR: How long's he been like this?! ABI: Ashton just brought him in. The Doctor gets his Sonic Screwdriver out, and begins to scan Korwin. McDonnell panics. McDONNELL: What are you doing?! Korwin gives another shriek of pain. THE DOCTOR: Sonic impulse. McDONNELL (pushing past Ashton to the head of the bed): Don't be so stupid, that's my husband! ASHTON: And he's just sabotaged our ship! McDONNELL (turning to face Ashton): What?! ASHTON: He went mad. He set the ship to secure closure, then he set the heat pulse to melt the controls. McDONNELL: No way! He wouldn't do that! ASHTON: I saw it happen, Captain. The Doctor has finished scanning Korwin, and now tries to talk to him. THE DOCTOR: Korwin? Korwin, open your eyes for me a second. KORWIN (through the pain): I can't! THE DOCTOR: Yeah, course you can. Go on. KORWIN: Don't make me look at you! Please! ! The Doctor moves down the bed again, and picks up a sedative dart gun off a tray. THE DOCTOR: Alright, alright, alright. Just relax. (He holds the gun up to Abi). Sedative? ABI: Yes. The Doctor presses the gun up against Korwin's neck, and administers the sedative. Korwin gives one final shout, then falls silent and still. The Doctor replaces the gun on the tray. THE DOCTOR (perching on the bed and crossing his arms): Rising body temperature, unusual energy readings... (He points to the MRI scanner, which is actually a stasis chamber). Stasis chamber. I do love a good stasis chamber. Keep him sedated in there. Regulate the body temperature. (Abi looks at him questioningly, but rushes to do what he says. Ashton also looks at him, out of breath from the struggle or restraining Korwin). And, just for fun, run a bio-scan and tissue profile on a metabolic detail. ABI (looking around from what she is doing): Just doing them now. THE DOCTOR: Oh, you're good. Anyone else presenting these symptoms? ABI: Not so far. THE DOCTOR: Well, that's something. McDonnell is continuing to stand by Korwin's bed, looking down on him. McDONNELL: Will someone tell me what is the matter with him?! THE DOCTOR: Some sort of infection. We'll know more after the test results. Now, Allons-y, back downstairs. Ay! See about those engines. Go. (Ashton makes to leave. McDonnell remains static). Ay! Go. (She too leaves, reluctantly. To Abi): Call us if there's news! (He begins to run out of the med-centre). Any questions? ABI (scoffing): Yeah. Who are you? THE DOCTOR (sticking his head back through the plastic curtains at the door): I'm the Doctor! The Doctor runs out, following McDonnell and Ashton, leaving Abi alone in the med-centre. She turns to runs some more tests, not looking at Korwin. As she does so, in the stasis chamber, Korwin's hands twitch. We see the spaceship hurtling towards the sun. The voice of the computer gives a status report. COMPUTER: Heat shields failing. At twenty-five percent. (We return to the countdown screen, which now reads 00:32:50). Impact in 32.50. Martha and Riley are at the first locked door. Riley is typing something on a keypad. He turns to Martha, who is stood by the locked door, looking bored. MARTHA (sounding bored): Hurry up, will you? RILEY: Alright. (He finishes typing). Fix the clamp on! Martha lifts the clamp, and attaches it firmly to the door, and holds it there. She turns to see Riley typing more. MARTHA: What are you typing? RILEY: Each door's trip code is the answer to a random question set by the crew. Nine tours back, we got drunk, thought 'em up. Reckoning was if we're hijacked, we're the only ones who know all the answers. MARTHA: So you type in the right answer... RILEY (tapping the backpack that he bought along): This, sends an unlock pulse to the clamp. But we only get one chance per door. Get it wrong, the whole system freezes. MARTHA: Better not get it wrong then. RILEY (sounding slightly excited): OK. (He shifts over to a readout screen, where the first question is appearing. As it does so, he reads it out). Date of SS Pentallian's first flight? That's alright! (He types in the answer to the question, and yells to Martha). Go! Martha presses the "trigger" on the clamp, it beeps a few times, the lights on the top of the clamp turn green, and the door opens. MARTHA: Yes! RILEY (running for the door): Only twenty-eight more to go! They both run through the door, and on to the next one. The Doctor is talking into the intercom to Abi in the med-centre, who is looking at x-rays and bio-scans, looking very confused. THE DOCTOR: Abi, how's Korwin doing? Any results from the bio-scan? ABI: He's under heavy sedation. I'm just trying to make sense of this data. Give me a couple of minutes and I'll let you know. Behind her, Korwin moves both his head and his arms. Martha and Riley are running down a corridor, when the come to another sealed door. The Doctor now calls them over the intercom. THE DOCTOR: Martha? Riley? How're you doing? MARTHA: Area twenty-nine, at the door to twenty-eight! THE DOCTOR (putting his glasses on, and staring at the readout above the comm. Station). You've gotta move faster! MARTHA: We're doing our best! The next question appears on Riley's readout. Once again, he reads the question aloud. RILEY: Find the next number in the sequence: 313, 331, 367... What? MARTHA (scared): You said the crew knew all the answers. RILEY: The crew's changed since we set the questions. MARTHA: You're joking... Back in the engine room, the Doctor has been working and listening in. He runs over to the intercom THE DOCTOR: 379! MARTHA: What?! THE DOCTOR: It's a sequence of happy primes. 379. MARTHA: Happy what? THE DOCTOR: Just enter it! RILEY: Are you sure? We only get one chance! THE DOCTOR (slightly annoyed now, speaking at his trademark 100mph): Any number which reduces to one when you take the sum of the square of its digits and you continue iterating until it yields one is a happy number. Any number that doesn't, isn't. A happy prime is a number which is both happy and prime, now type it in! (Turns to McDonnell, who is climbing down a ladder. She gives him a dirty look). I dunno, talk about dumbing down! Don't they teach recreational mathematics any more? Riley types in the answer the Doctor has given him. There is a slight build up, the lights on the clamp turn green, and the door opens. MARTHA: We're through! THE DOCTOR (over the intercom): Keep moving. Fast as you can. (Switch so we can see the Doctor take off his glasses. Quietly and sensitively). And, Martha, be careful. There may be something else on board this ship. MARTHA: Any time you wanna unnerve me, feel free! THE DOCTOR: Will do, thanks. He switches the comm. off, and walks away. The countdown once again shows itself. This time it reads 00:30:50. COMPUTER: Impact in 30. 50. We go back to Martha and Riley, preparing the next door. MARTHA: I can't believe our lives depend on some stupid pub quiz! (Sounding shocked). Is that the next one? RILEY (putting his head in his hands, sounding downtrodden): Oh, this is a nightmare! (Reading off the screen). Classical music. Who had the most pre-download number ones, (pronouncing both names wrong) Elvis Presley or The Beatles? How're we supposed to know that? The Doctor is looking at a piece of broken equipment, with the remaining crew stood around, watching him THE DOCTOR: We need a backup in case they don't reach the auxiliary engines in time. Come on! Think! Resources, what have we got?! Martha's voice comes over the intercom. MARTHA: Doctor? THE DOCTOR: What is it now? MARTHA: Who had the most number ones, Elvis, or the Beatles. That's pre-download. THE DOCTOR (confidently): Elvis. No! The Beatles! No! Wait! Um... um... (He looks in physical pain, and begins to slap the back of his head). Argh! What was that remix? Um... I don't know! I am a bit busy! MARTHA (Sounding put out): Fine. I'll ask someone else! THE DOCTOR: Now, where was I? Here comes the sun. No, resources. So, the power's still working, the generator's going. If we can harness that. Ah! McDONNELL: Use the generator to jump-start the ship. THE DOCTOR: Exactly! At the very least, it'll buy us some more time. McDONNELL: That... is brilliant. THE DOCTOR: I know! See! Tiny glimmer of hope! Most of the crew are now smiling, knowing that there may be a way out. SCANNELL: If it works. McDONNELL: Oh, believe me. You're gonna make it work. Scannell walks off, looking dejected. Ashton and the Doctor look at McDonnell with respect, whilst still smiling. THE DOCTOR: That told him! The countdown appears once again, this time reading 00:29:46. COMPUTER: Impact in 29.46. Back on Earth in 2007, we see Francine Jones' mobile ringing on a table, displaying Martha's name. Francine answers. She is in the kitchen, in the process of making a coffee. FRANCINE: Hello? MARTHA (on board the ship): Mum? It's me, it's Martha. Wow! FRANCINE (slightly angry): Where are you? Don't you check your messages? I've been calling you. MARTHA: Actually, bit busy. Need you to do something for me. FRANCINE: No. Listen to me. We have to talk about this Doctor. MARTHA: Mum! Please not now! I need you to look something up on the internet! FRANCINE: Do it yourself. You've got a computer. MARTHA (shouting down the phone). Oh just do it will you! (Both Riley and Martha looked stunned at what she has just done. She gives a slight laugh). Please. FRANCINE (crossly): When did you get so rude? (She walks into the living room, and sits at the computer.) I'll tell you when. Ever since you met that man. MARTHA (down to business): I need to know who had more number ones; the Beatles or Elvis? FRANCINE (Setting up her laptop). Hang on. The mouse is unplugged. (Martha half screams, half growls down the phone to illustrate her annoyance). OK, I'm on. What is this? Pub quiz? MARTHA: Yeah, a pub quiz. FRANCINE: Using your mobile is cheating. MARTHA: Have you found it?! FRANCINE: There's over four hundred thousand results. Give me a minute. Riley looks impatient. The countdown appears again, displaying 00:28:50 until solar impact. COMPUTER: Impact in 28.50. Abi is still in the med-centre, pushing buttons, checking readings, and going about her business. ABI (over the intercom): Doctor, these readings are starting to scare me. THE DOCTOR (in the engine room): What d'you mean? ABI: Well, (The Doctor and the rest of the crew listen intently) Korwin's body's changing! His whole biological make-up, it... it's impossible. Hearing a bang from behind her, Abi looks up to the convex mirror above her head. In it, she sees that Korwin is up and about, even though he is meant to be under heavy sedation. She looks round, and sure enough, Korwin is standing there, his eyes tight shut. ABI (into intercom): This is med-centre. (Her voice starts to rise). Urgent assistance requested. Urgent assistance! The shot zooms in to the Doctor's shocked face, and he begins to run. THE DOCTOR (as he runs, yelling): Stay here! Keep working! McDonnell stops what she is doing, and begin to follow him. Ashton and Scannell both look at her as she goes. Erina runs in the opposite direction to get to a comm. Station. ABI: Urgent assistance! ERINA: Abi. They're on their way. Ashton and Scannell continue to look and listen. In the med-centre, Korwin begins to advance towards Abi. She begins to back up, trying to stay calm. ABI: What's happening to you? KORWIN (in a deep, threatening voice that obviously is not his own): Burn with me. (This time, it is heard over the intercom, as far as Martha and Riley). Burn with me. The Doctor and McDonnell are running towards the med-centre, when the Doctor suddenly slows. It turns out that Scannell has followed them as well. SCANNELL: Captain?! THE DOCTOR: I told you to stay in engineering! SCANNELL: I only take orders form one person round here. The Doctor once again looked shocked. THE DOCTOR: Oh, is he always this cheery? Back on Earth, Francine comes up with an answer. FRANCINE: Elvis. On the ship, Martha has completely forgotten why she is on the phone. MARTHA: What?! (She suddenly realises). Really? (She points Riley over to the computer). Elvis. In the med-centre, Korwin is still advancing. Abi is now backed up against a wall. KORWIN: Burn with me. ABI (really frightened): K... Korwin, you're sick... Riley is typing in the answer to the question, when, in the med-centre, Korwin's voice takes on an even more menacing tone. KORWIN: Burn. With. Me! His eyes open, revealing a blinding white light where his eyes should be. Abi squints at this powerful light source. In the corridor, Martha and Riley have made it though the door, and are now running for the next one. Martha is still on the phone to her mum. MARTHA: Mum, you're a star! FRANCINE: Now, we need to have a serious... Before the audience can hear her finish her sentence, we are taken back to the med-centre, where Abi is screaming at the brightness from Korwin's eyes. Over the intercom, Martha and Riley hear this, and stop in their tracks. Even Francine hears it over the phone. FRANCINE: What was that? MARTHA(shaken): I've gotta go. She puts the phone down. At the other end, Francine does the same, looking shocked. Korwin is now putting on a heavy duty space helmet, and begins to breathe in a Darth Vader like way. He shuts the protective lenses over his eyes. Martha and Riley have made it to a comm. station, where they are getting in contact with the Doctor. MARTHA: Doctor, what were those screams? THE DOCTOR (still running for the med-centre. Yelling.): Concentrate on those doors! You've gotta keep moving forward! They do so. Martha runs to attach the clamp to the next door. The countdown appears again, now displaying 00:27:06. COMPUTER: Impact in 27.06. The Doctor and McDonnell burst through the plastic sheeting that acts as a door to the med-centre. Scannell is already there, looking round. They all notice the bed where Korwin was is now empty. McDONNELL (slightly shaken): Korwin's gone... Scannell turns around, and stops in his tracks. SCANNELL: Oh my God... Both the Doctor and McDonnell turn to look in the same direction, and see what Scannell has spotted, a charred, black shape on a wall, in the shape of a person with one hand in the air. They realise that this charred shape was once Abi. The Doctor walks towards it. SCANNELL: Tell me that's not Lerner. THE DOCTOR (running his fingers round the outline of the shape): Endothermic vaporisation. I've never seen one this ferocious. (He looks distant). Burn with me. SCANNELL: That's what we heard Korwin say. McDONNELL: What?! D'you think... no way! Scannell, tell him! Korwin is not a killer! He can't vaporise people! He's human! The Doctor notices something on the floor. He walks over, and picks up the x-rays and bioscan results that Abi was looking at before. THE DOCTOR: His bioscan results... internal temperature, one hundred degrees! Body oxygen replaced by hydrogen! Your husband hasn't been infected, he's been overwhelmed! McDONNELL (Snatching the bioscan results out of the Doctor's hand): The test results are wrong! THE DOCTOR: But what is it though? Parasite? Mutagenic virus? Something that needs a host body. But how did it get inside him?! McDONNELL (slightly hysterical): Stop talking like he's some kind of experiment! THE DOCTOR: Where's the ship been? Have you made planet-fall recently? (McDonnell looks blank). Docked with any other vessels? Any kind of external contact at all? McDONNELL: What is this? An interrogation?! THE DOCTOR: We've got to stop him before he kills again. McDONNELL: We're just... a cargo ship. She turns away from the Doctor, looking distraught. Scannell tries to comfort her. SCANNELL: Doctor, if you give her a minute... The Doctor looks on, as Scannell faces McDonnell. McDONNELL (recovering quickly): I'm fine. I need to warn the crew. (As the Doctor continues to puzzle over the bioscan results, McDonnell walks over to the intercom). Everybody listen to me! (The rest of the crew, including Riley and Martha, hears her, stops what they are doing, and looks up). Something has infected Korwin. We think... (As she pauses, the Doctor looks at her). He killed Abi Lerner. None of you must go anywhere near him, is that clear? Outside engineering, Erina is searching through a storage cupboard for parts. While she is doing this, we hear Ashton's voice over the intercom. ASHTON: Understood Captain. (We see him press a button on the comm. station, to change channels). Erina? Get back here with that equipment. Looking annoyed, Erina grabs a control box, which has 4 buttons on it: Eng, Aux, All'and Mute. She presses the mute button with contempt, and continues to look though the cupboard. ERINA (sarcastically, moaning): Whatever you say, boss. Go there. Come back. Fetch this. Carry these. Make drinks. Sweep up! Please, kill me now. She fetches what she needs, and shuts the door. Behind it, however, stands Korwin in the space helmet. She hears him breathing, and looks round. She looks scared and shocked. KORWIN (in the strange voice): Burn with me. (He begins to advance on her, as Erina backs up). Burn with me. Erina is now up against a wall. Korwin's hand comes towards his helmet and he opens the sun visor to reveal the same bright light that killed Abi. Erina closes her eyes, and screams. The countdown appears yet again, this time reading 00:24:51. COMPUTER: Impact in 24.51. The Doctor, Scannell and McDonnell are still in the med-centre, with the Doctor still pouring over the bioscan results. McDonnell is sat, and Scannell is stood close by. McDONNELL: Is the infection permanent? Can you cure him? THE DOCTOR (seriously): I dunno. McDONNELL: Don't lie to me, Doctor. Eleven years we've been married. We chose this ship together. He keeps me honest. So I don't want false hope. THE DOCTOR (to the point): The parasite's too aggressive. Your husband's gone. There's no way back. Sorry. McDONNELL (nodding, taking it in. Quietly): Thank you. The Doctor suddenly seems to spring into life again. He walks towards McDonnell. THE DOCTOR: Are you... certain nothing happened to provoke this? Nobody's working on anything secret, 'cause it's vital that you tell me. McDONNELL: I know every inch of this ship. I know every detail of my crew's lives. There is nothing. The Doctor stares at her harshly. THE DOCTOR: Then why is this thing so interested in you? McDONNELL (shaking her head slightly): I wish I knew... Riley and Martha have now made it to the door to area 17. They manage to open the door, burst through it, and run for the next one. Martha knows what to do now, and so, without being asked, she goes to the door and holds the clamp up to it. In engineering, Ashton is continuing to fix bits and pieces to the engine. MARTHA (over the intercom): Doctor, we're through to area 17. THE DOCTOR: Keep going. you've got to get to area one and reboot those engines. Suddenly, Ashton hears a loud bang, and another, and another. He looks out from where he is working to see a pair of feet walking towards him. He takes little notice, and goes back to working. ASHTON: You got those tools, Erina? 'Cause I... woah! Ashton is suddenly yanked forward, and out from under the engine. he looks directly upward, to see Korwin stood above him. Korwin reaches out grabs him by the collar, and pulls him up. ASHTON (while still in Korwin's grip): Korwin... it's me. We're mates! KORWIN: They are getting too far. We must share the light. Korwin moves his hands up to either side of Ashton's face. Ashton looks is an enormous amount of pain, and it soon becomes apparent why. Underneath where Korwin's hands are, Ashton's face begins to smoulder and smoke, as if he I being burned. Ashton screams. Outside the spaceship, the sun is getting ever closer. COMPUTER: Heat shield failing. At twenty percent. Riley is having trouble getting the latest computer terminal to work. RILEY (hitting the terminal): Come on! (To Martha, who has stopped to see what's wrong). Everything on this ship is so cheap! (They both hear a bang, and look in the direction it came from). Who's there?! The banging continues, so they both down tools, and go to investigate. As they get closer to the door, through the smoke, they can make out a figure. MARTHA (quietly, scared): Is that Korwin? RILEY: No, wait a minute... (The figure comes forward, and he is wearing the same space helmet as Korwin. However, Riley recognises him). Oh, Ashton, what're you doing? ASHTON (in a similar, deeper voice to Korwin): Burn with me. RILEY: Well, if you wanna help... ASHTON: Burn with me! Burn with me! Ashton's hand moves up, to remove the eye shield. Riley and Martha realise that Ashton has been possessed. MARTHA (slapping the button that opens a nearby door): Move! (As it begins to slide open, Martha squeezes through the gap). Come on! She enters a small room, and cowers in the far corner. Riley follows her, and, next to them, punches the keypad that will once again close the door. The door begins to slide shut. Once the door is fully closed, Riley and Martha heave a sigh of relief. However, they quickly see Ashton's helmet through the porthole, and he begins to pound on the door. Riley presses another combination on the keypad that opens a hatch next to them; an escape pod. They climb inside, and shut the door. RILEY: What is happening on this ship?! MARTHA: Never mind that. Where are we? Before Riley can answer, the computer's voice makes an announcement. COMPUTER: Airlock sealed. Jettison escape pod. Martha, still unsure of where they are, questions Riley, angrily and full of fright. MARTHA: That doesn't mean us? (Realising that it does, and seeing Riley lunge for the internal keypad, she screams at the top of her lungs). Doctor! !!! COMPUTER: Pod jettison initiated. Riley is frantically typing on the keypad inside the pod. Outside the airlock, Ashton stands, watching. The small screen by the keypad shows the status of the pod, "Jettison initiated". Martha tries the small comm. unit, next to where Riley is working. MARTHA: Doctor! We're stuck in an escape pod off the area seventeen airlock. (The Doctor, running down a corridor, hears Martha's voice, and stops in his tracks). One of the crew's trying to jettison us! You've gotta help us! (To Riley, breathing heavily): Tell me you can stop it. [SCENE_BREAK] In engineering, the Doctor is looking at something. McDonnell and Scannell are watching him. McDONNELL: Why is this happening? THE DOCTOR (taking his glasses off): Stay here! I mean it this time! (As he runs off). Jump start those engines! McDonnell and Scannell start to walk towards the engines. Through the smoke, they see the ominous charred shape on a wall. They slowly begin to realise... McDONNELL: It's picking us off... one, by one. In the escape pod, Riley is still frantically trying to reverse the jettisoning process. COMPUTER: Jettison held. Both Riley and Martha heave a sigh of relief. RILEY: Thank you... However, on the outside, Ashton uses his keypad to restart the process. COMPUTER: Jettison reactivated. Martha screams and begins to hit the door wildly. Behind her, Riley once again starts tapping wildly on the keypad. RILEY: Come on... Ashton is now entering something else into his keypad. It is becoming a race of who can type the fastest. The Doctor is haring down through the corridor, to try and reach Martha in time. Inside the pod, Riley comes up with an idea. RILEY: Geovinsci sequence. This'll get him. As Ashton continues to try and jettison the pod, the screen readout changes. COMPUTER: Jettison held. Escape pod stabilised. Both Riley and Martha breathe a sigh of relief. MARTHA (quietly): You're pretty good. However, outside the airlock, Ashton is once again typing something into the keypad. McDonnell and Scannell run back into engineering, looking for Ashton. McDONNELL: Ashton! When they draw level with the broken equipment, they realise that Ashton isn't there. SCANNELL: Someone's hacked into the systems. I can't reroute the generators! There's no way I'm gonna be able to jump-start this ship! (In a fit of rage, he swiftly gives the equipment a good kick. He turns, and begins to run in the direction he and McDonnell came from). Who the hell did that?! McDonnell, trying to stay calm, turns away from him. But, through the smoke strides a figure. A figure in a space helmet... McDONNELL: Korwin? (She begins to back away as Korwin advances). What are you? Why are you killing my crew?! (Korwin's hand goes to open the protective visor). How could you do this? What have you done to my husband?! (Korwin stops. Sounding slightly surprised). You recognise me. Korwin! You know me. (Korwin's hand leaves the visor. McDonnell starts to tear). It's Kath! Your wife! KORWIN: My wife? McDONNELL: That's right! You're still in there! I'm your wife! KORWIN :l It's your fault. McDonnell's face falls. She begins to back away. The Doctor is running at full pelt, to try and get to Martha on time. In the escape pod, Riley is tapping to keypad, but outside, just as quickly, Ashton is following suit. Suddenly, the Doctor appears through the door from area 17. THE DOCTOR: That's enough! (Ashton turns to look at the Doctor). What do you want? Why this ship? Tell me! Rather than answer him, Ashton turns, and puts his fist through the keypad. Inside the pod, a series of sirens begin to sound, and the computer gives a warning. COMPUTER: Jettison activated. RILEY (numb to their peril): He's smashed the circuit. I can't stop it. (Suddenly beginning to panic). I can't stop it! McDonnell is still backing away from Korwin. Behind her, Scannell is standing and watching. McDONNELL: What do you mean, it's my fault? KORWIN: It's your fault. Now burn with me! He lifts his hand to his visor once again, but suddenly, a jet of steam engulfs Korwin from above. He screams. McDonnell looks round to see Scannell turning a pressure gauge wheel, which is causing the steam. McDONNELL: What are you doing?! SCANNELL: Freezing him! Ice vents! McDONNELL: You'll kill him! Back in area 17, the Doctor and Ashton are still at a stand-off, while the pod is preparing to jettison. THE DOCTOR: Come on. Let's see you. (Ashton advances on the Doctor, until they are almost nose to nose). I wanna know what you really are... Ashton lifts his hand to his visor. In engineering, Korwin is still being frozen by the ice jets, still screaming. Suddenly, he falls to his knees. Ashton, at exactly the same moment, is overcome, doubles up and backs away from the Doctor. However, this only lasts a few seconds, before he stands upright again, and once again, heads straight for the Doctor. We are aware that the pod is getting closer and closer to jettisoning. COMPUTER: Airlock sealed. However, instead of resuming his attack on the Doctor, Ashton jostles past him, and heads out of area 17. The Doctor skids over to the nearest comm. unit. THE DOCTOR: McDonnell! Ashton's heading in your direction! (McDonnell and Scannell, kneeling over Korwin's body, hear the Doctor over the intercom). He's been infected, just like Korwin! Scannell stands, and heads to a comm. unit. SCANNELL: Korwin's dead, Doctor. Inside the pod, Martha is still hopelessly tapping on the porthole. MARTHA: This thing's locked! Over the siren, the computer gives another warning. COMPUTER: Airlock decompression completed. (The display changes from "Jettison reactivated" to a flashing "disengaging"). Jettisoning pod. The Doctor looks up, and realises that Martha is still inside. He skids over to the airlock door, where he can see Martha, just a few feet away, tapping on the glass, and calling his name, although he can hear nothing. MARTHA: Doctor! THE DOCTOR: I'll save you! Inside the pod, Riley is resigned to his fate. RILEY: Martha, it's too late. Martha ignores him, and continues to shout and tap on the window. MARTHA: Doctor! THE DOCTOR: I'll save you! MARTHA: I can't hear you! As the pod disengages, Martha sees the Doctor mouth the words: I'll save you! , over and over, as he gets smaller and smaller. Martha looks distraught. The pod slowly moves out into space, and towards the sun. MARTHA (very quietly) : Coward. Although a sombre moment, the computer reminds everyone that this is a race against time. COMPUTER: Impact in 17.05. McDonnell is still knelt by Korwin. Scannell stands above her, then crouches. SCANNELL: What did he mean, your fault? (She doesn't answer. Instead, she reaches out to stroke Korwin's face, but, before she can make contact, Scannell pushes her hand away). What are you doing? Don't touch him, he's infected. You don't know how it spreads. McDonnell looks up at Scannell, a dark look in her eyes. McDONNELL: You murdered him! SCANNELL: He was about to kill you! McDONNELL: He recognised me! SCANNELL: You heard the Doctor. It... it isn't Korwin anymore. McDONNELL: The Doctor doesn't know! None of us knows! SCANNELL: So what are you gonna do? Stay there until we burn?! Cause without you... none of us stand a chance of getting out of here. Suddenly, the mood is broken by the Doctor's voice, barking over the intercom. THE DOCTOR: Scannell! I need a spacesuit in area 17, now! SCANNELL: What for? In area 17, the Doctor is crouched by the comm. unit, looking and sounding incredibly angry and frustrated. THE DOCTOR (yelling at the top of his voice): Just get down here! !! He stands upright, and stalks over to the airlock door. In engineering, Scannell looks unsure of what to do. McDONNELL: Well go on! Do what he says! SCANNELL: Ashton's still out there. McDONNELL: I'll deal with him. Scannell gets up and walks off, leaving McDonnell with Korwin. Inside the escape pod, still falling towards the sun, Martha and Riley seem incredibly calm. They are both looking out of the porthole, out at space. RILEY: The wonderful world of space travel. The prettier it looks, the more likely it is to kill you. MARTHA: He'll come for us. RILEY (shaking his head): Nah, it's too late. Out heat shields will pack in any minute, then we go into free fall. We'll fall into the sun way before he has a chance to do anything. MARTHA: You don't know the Doctor. I believe in him. RILEY: Then you're lucky. I've never found anyone worth believing in. Martha turns to face him. MARTHA: No girlfriend? Boyfriend? RILEY: The job doesn't lend itself to stable relationships. MARTHA: Family then? RILEY: My dad's dead. And I haven't seen my mum in... six years. She didn't want me to sign up for cargo tours. Things were said, and since then... all silent. She wanted to hold on to me, I know that. She's so stubborn! MARTHA (slightly upset, with a quiver in her voice): Yeah well, that's family. RILEY: What about you? MARTHA: Full works. Mum, dad. Dad's girlfriend. Brother, sister. No silence there. So much noise. Oh god! (Tears begin to fall, as she realises). They'll never know! I... I'll just have disappeared. And they'll always be waiting. RILEY: Call them. Martha looks at him, slightly stunned. Ashton is still heading towards engineering. He steps through the door of area 30, stops, turns, and heads up a flight of metal stairs. At the top of the stairs stands McDonnell. As Ashton heads up, she turns, and walks away. Ashton follows her. She has gone back into the medical suite. As Ashton walk though the plastic, he pauses, and looks at the stasis chamber that originally held Korwin. As he begins to walk forward, McDonnell jumps from nowhere and punched him in the stomach. He doubles over, winded, and she begins to wrestle him towards the stasis chamber. As she gets him led on the bed, her arms flail, trying to find the switch that activates the chamber. She finds it, and continues to hold Ashton down until the chamber has done its work. She bends over, exhausted but relieved. In area 17, the Doctor is now dressed in a space suit, (similar to the one we saw him in, in "The Impossible Planet / The Satan Pit"). Scannell is trying to talk him out of whatever he has planned. SCANNELL: I can't let you do this. THE DOCTOR: You're wasting your breath, Scannell You're not gonna stop me. SCANNELL: You wanna open an airlock in flight on a ship spinning into the sun. No-one can survive that! THE DOCTOR: Oh, just you watch. SCANNELL: You open that airlock, it's suicide. This close to the sun, the shields will barely protect you. THE DOCTOR: If I can breach the magnetic lock on the ship's exterior, it should remagnetise the pod. Now, while I'm out there, you have got to get the rest of those doors open. We need those auxiliary engines. SCANNELL: Doctor, will you listen! They're too far away, it's too late! THE DOCTOR: I'm not gonna lose her. The Doctor completes his outfit by putting his helmet on. He walks past Scannell to the airlock door, which slides open. He walks inside, looking intense. Out of the window in the exterior door, the sun blazes. COMPUTER: Decompression, initiating. (We hear the air begin to be removed from the atmosphere around the Doctor. The computer gives another time warning). Impact in 12. 55. Back in 2007, Francine Jones' mobile rings once again. She picks it up off of the sideboard, and answers. FRANCINE (recognising Martha's number): Hello. MARTHA (from the pod): Me again. Sorry about earlier. FRANCINE: Is everything alright? MARTHA: Yeah. Course. FRANCINE: Martha? MARTHA: Mum, I... you know I love you, don't you? FRANCINE: Course I do. What's bought this on? MARTHA: I never say it. Never get the time. I never think of it, and I... (Her voice breaks). I really love you. Tell dad, Leo and Tish that I love them. It is only now that we see that Francine isn't alone. A sinister blonde woman is sat at the table behind her, with earphones in, listening to every word Martha says. FRANCINE: Martha, what's wrong? MARTHA: Nothing. Promise. FRANCINE: Where are you? MARTHA: Just out. FRANCINE: With anyone nice? MARTHA: Some mates. FRANCINE: What mates? MARTHA (with a slight pause): Mum, can we not just talk? FRANCINE: Of course. What do you want to talk about? MARTHA: I dunno, anything! What you had for breakfast. What you watched on telly last night. How much you're gonna kill Dad next time you see him. Anything. FRANCINE: Is the Doctor with you? Is he there, now? MARTHA (with tears rolling down her cheeks now): Mum, just leave it. FRANCINE: It's a simple enough question. MARTHA: I'd better go. FRANCINE (looking round, she sees the sinister woman give a hand gesture, signifying "Keep her talking"). Um, no Martha, wait! MARTHA: See you, mum. She hangs up. On the other end, Francine sighs, looking disappointed, while the sinister woman looks on. In the pod, Martha is so upset, she turns to Riley, and he envelops her in a hug, and kisses her forehead. The computer continues to count down. COMPUTER: Impact in 11.15. (As the Doctor walks towards the exterior airlock door, the computer warns). Heat shield failing. At ten percent. The Doctor presses a button on a keypad, which opens the exterior door. He recoils slightly from the heat and brightness of the sun, but soon recovers, grabs hold of the frame, and, battling against the vacuum, begins to clamber out onto the outer hull of the ship. He is almost swept away a couple of times, before he gets himself in the right position, and swings his hand out to try and reach a column of buttons, just to the right of the airlock. He hisses first time, but continues to stretch out, trying to get there. THE DOCTOR (in anger and desperation, through gritted teeth). Come on! !! (He manages press the right button, and exclaims). Go on my son! He still has more work to do, and now tries to reach the box just to the right of the buttons. Scannell's voice suddenly comes over his personal comm. SCANNELL: Doctor! How're you doing? THE DOCTOR (stretching as far as he can to reach the handle that will open the box). I can't! I can't reach! (Beginning to become overwhelmed by everything). I don't know how much longer I can last! SCANNELL: Come on! Don't give up now! These words seem to boost the Doctor, and he continues to stretch, until he finally manages to grab the handle and yank the cover off of the box. Inside is a lever, that with a scream of pain and strength, the Doctor grabs hold of, and tries with all his might to pull down, and does. Inside the pod, Martha and Riley are knocked backwards with an invisible force, and the display shows the single word "Remagnetising". RILEY: We're being pulled back! MARTHA (knowing exactly who made it happen): I told you! (She half laughs, half screams). It's the Doctor! As the Doctor struggles back inside the airlock, the pod slowly but sure heads back to its docking point, with Martha and Riley looking excitedly out of the porthole. The Doctor, even though he is now inside, clambers to his knees, so his can see over the bottom lip of the airlock, and out to the sun. He looks confused and frightened, as the light reflects intensely off his helmet, and seeing the swirling molten surface. THE DOCTOR: It's alive... (Whispers). It's alive?... (With realisation). It's alive! Back inside the spaceship, Scannell and McDonnell are doing what the Doctor said, and continuing to open the doors. They have now reached area 10. Before Scannell reaches the door, he calls over the intercom. SCANNELL: Doctor, close the airlock now! (To McDonnell, running through the door). That pod's gonna smash into him! McDONNELL (giving him the clamp). Stay here! She runs back the way she came, towards area 17 and the Doctor. The computer gives another countdown warning. COMPUTER: Impact in. 8.57. (In the airlock, the Doctor removes his helmet. He seems to be in a lot of pain, on his knees with his eyes clamped tight shut). Airlock recompression completed. The Doctor literally falls out of the airlock back into the corridor of the spaceship, still on his knees. Martha and Riley clamber out of the escape pod, and run to the Doctor, who is now writhing with pain on the floor. MARTHA: Doctor! Doctor! (As she reaches the Doctor, she realises that something is wrong. She crouches beside him). Are you OK? Martha flips the Doctor onto his back, so he can sit up. However, as she does so, the Doctor opens his eyes, and reveals that whatever infected Korwin and Ashton now has got him too. THE DOCTOR (trying to fight whatever it is that has him, sounding angry): Stay away from me! He closes his eyes again, and continues to writhe with pain. Martha quickly does what he says, and backs away. Behind them, McDonnell appears. McDONNELL: What's happened? THE DOCTOR (still in his normal voice, rather than the strange deep voice seen in Korwin and Ashton): It's your fault, Captain McDonnell! McDONNELL (looking shocked, but quickly regaining composure. Pointing away from them). Riley! Get down to area 10 and help Scannell with the doors. Go! Riley does as she says. THE DOCTOR (shouting): You mined that sun! Stripped its surface for cheap fuel! You should have scanned for life! McDONNELL: I don't understand. MARTHA: Doctor, what are you talking about?! THE DOCTOR (trying to fight the pain): That sun is alive! A living organism! They scooped out its heart, used it for fuel, and now it's screaming! McDONNELL (panicking): What do you mean? How can a sun be alive? Why's he saying that?! THE DOCTOR: Because it's living in me. McDONNELL (realising what she has done): Oh my god... THE DOCTOR (really angry now): Humans! You grab whatever's nearest and bleed it dry! (Screaming in agony and anguish). You should have scanned! McDONNELL: It takes too long! We'd be caught! Fusion scoops are illegal. THE DOCTOR (still crying out in pain): You've got to freeze me, quickly! MARTHA (rushing back to his side): What?! THE DOCTOR: Stasis chamber! You gotta keep me... below minus 200. Freeze it out of me! !! (He screams again. Martha looks at McDonnell in disgust. Rather than anguish, the Doctor now sounds and looks scared). It'll use me to kill you if you don't! The closer we get to the sun, the stronger (almost overcome) it gets! Med-centre! Quickly! Quickly! MARTHA (screaming a command to McDonnell): Help me! !! McDonnell rushes over to help. Se grabs his free arm, and between them, Martha and McDonnell half carry, half drag the Doctor towards the med-centre. The computer readout counts ever closer towards zero. COMPUTER: Impact in, 7.30. In engineering, Korwin's body is still led there. However, all is not as it seems. Korwin's hand once again begins to twitch, as he comes round from the freezing process. His arm moves down towards the discarded helmet. He begins to slide it across the floor... Riley sprints into area 10, finally catching up with Scannell. Scannell quickly throws him a component of the unlocking system, and they get to work. SCANNELL: What's your favourite colour?! RILEY: You what? SCANNELL: It's the question! RILEY: Purple! (Running to the door, and placing the clamp onto it. Scannell begins to tap in the answer. Turning suddenly). Or did I say orange? SCANNELL (angrily): Come on! Martha and McDonnell are still taking the Doctor to the med-centre. As they break through the plastic, he screams. Martha runs forward to the stasis chamber, and grabs the instruction manual. MARTHA (to herself) : I can do it! THE DOCTOR (reaching out blindly): Martha, where are you?! MARTHA: It's alright! I'm here! (She runs back and grabs the Doctor). It's me! Here I am! Stasis chamber, minus 200, yeah? The two women lift the Doctor onto the stasis chamber bed. McDONNELL: No, you don't know how this equipment works! You'll kill him! Nobody can survive those temperatures! MARTHA: He's not human! If he says he can survive, then he can. McDONNELL: Let me help you then! MARTHA (angrily and full of hate): You've done enough damage. Martha goes back to working out how the chamber works. THE DOCTOR: Ten seconds. That's all I'll be able to take. No more! (He screams). Martha! MARTHA: Yeah? THE DOCTOR (He gurgles and retches) : It's burning me up. I can't control it. If you don't get rid of it, (Darkly, as if the presence of the sun is breaking through) I could kill you. I could kill you all. (The Doctor seems to break back through as he screams, however, now he sounds like a child, genuinely frightened). I'm scared! I'm so scared! MARTHA: Just... stay calm. You saved me, now I return the favour. Just... just believe in me. THE DOCTOR: It's bloody killing me! Then what'll happen?! MARTHA (trying to soothe him): That's enough! I've got you! THE DOCTOR: There's this process. This... this thing... that happens... if I'm about to die. MARTHA: Shhh... quiet now. Cause that is not gonna happen. You ready? THE DOCTOR: No! Looking upset, Martha leaves his side, and pushes the lever that slides the Doctor back into the stasis chamber. She types in "200", and presses the button to start the process. Inside, the Doctor screams continuously. Martha watches as the readout shows the temperature inside the machine rapidly dropping. As the spaceship continues to fall towards the sun, the computer speaks once again. COMPUTER: Heat shields failing. At five percent. In engineering, Korwin is fully recovered. Through the smoke, we see him stand. He looks over to a readout on the wall. A light comes on with a 'ping'. It reads 'Power drain Med-centre. Stasis chamber active. Korwin walks over to a wall, and pulls a lever on a box. A single word changes on the readout. "Active" becomes "Inactive". In the med-centre, the stasis chamber hits minus 70 degrees, but then shuts off. The Doctor is still whimpering in the background. Martha and McDonnell look shocked. Inside the stasis chamber, the Doctor is covered in ice crystals. THE DOCTOR: No! Martha you can't stop it! Not yet! MARTHA: What's happened?! McDONNELL: Power's been cut in engineering. MARTHA: But who's down there? McDONNELL (knowing very well what the answer is): Leave it to me. Martha watches as McDonnell runs from the room. Behind her, the Doctor lets out another round of screams. he computer continues to count down. COMPUTER: Impact in 4.47. Scannell and Riley have made it to area 4. They sprint through the door, and straight over to the next one. Scannell deals with the backpack, while Riley holds the clamp to the door. SCANNELL: Reckon we'll do it in time? Riley looks on, with a resigned look on his face. In the med-centre, Martha is still trying to get the stasis chamber working again. MARTHA: Come on! You're defrosting. Inside the stasis chamber, we can see that all of the ice crystals are gone from the Doctor's body. He cries out in pain once again. THE DOCTOR: Martha! Listen! (Martha peers inside the chamber). I've only got a moment. You've gotta go! MARTHA: No way! THE DOCTOR: Get to the front! Vent the engines! Sun particles in the fuel! Get rid of them! MARTHA: I am not leaving you! THE DOCTOR: You've got to! Give back what they took! MARTHA: Doctor! THE DOCTOR (screaming): Please! Go! !! MARTHA (doing as he says): I'll be back for you. The countdown screen appears again. COMPUTER: Impact in 4.08. As McDonnell enters engineering, Korwin steps out to black her path. McDONNELL (eyeing the lever she needs to get to): You were right. It was my fault. She goes to grab the lever, but Korwin reaches out, and she stops. He goes to open his visor, but before he can, McDonnell runs. The countdown screen shows itself. COMPUTER: Impact in 3.43. Martha is running to try and get to the front of the ship in time. She passes through area 21, and continues. Korwin is also stalking the corridors of the ship, looking for McDonnell. She is hidden in a corner, which we soon see is inside the airlock where the drama took place earlier. Korwin reaches the interior airlock door, and looks through the porthole, only to see the sun out of the exterior hatch. Korwin opens the interior door, and walks inside. He looks down, and sees McDonnell crouched in her corner. Slowly, she stands. McDONNELL (walking towards the exterior hatch): I didn't know. I really didn't know. (Korwin begins to advance on her. She puts out her hand to try and stop him). Korwin, please stop. She is now stood right in front of the exterior hatch. KORWIN: Everyone. Must. Burn! McDonnell reaches out, and presses the button that first closes the interior door, and then presses the comm. button. McDONNELL: Riley, Scannell. I'm sorry. Hearing their names, the two boys rush over to a comm. unit. SCANNELL: McDonnell! McDonnell! ! Korwin looks at McDonnell, who presses the big red button that opens the exterior hatch. She puts her hands on Korwin's helmet, and moves in close. McDONNELL (whispering): I love you. Entwined in each others' embrace, McDonnell and Korwin are dragged out into space, and fall towards the sun. The computer gives a message. COMPUTER: Exterior airlock opened. Scannell and Riley look at one another, realising what McDonnell has done. RILEY: It's the last door. We've gotta keep going! He rushes back over to the sealed door. The computer gives another time update. COMPUTER: Impact in 2.17. In the med-centre, the Doctor falls out of the stasis chamber. Meanwhile, Martha is still running towards the front of the ship. The Doctor is still fighting the sun inside him, and is thrown over the controls of the stasis chamber, before being hurled back onto the floor by an invisible force. He is still crying out in pain, while trying to pull himself upright. The computer gives a warning. COMPUTER: Survival element protection. Zero percent. As Martha enters area 4, the Doctor, now out of the med-centre, crawls along the floor in an attempt to follow her. THE DOCTOR: Martha! Martha stops when she hears him. MARTHA: Doctor! What are you doing? The Doctor has stopped crawling, and with his last reserves of energy. THE DOCTOR: I can't fight it. Give it back or... (But it is too late. His eyes open, glowing with the heat of the sun). Burn with me. Burn with me, Martha! Martha realises that the Doctor has been taken over, and so continues running. The computer warns that there is now less than 90 seconds before impact. COMPUTER: Impact in 1.21. The Doctor screams, glowing with the hue of the sun around him. Scannell and Riley hear this over the intercom, but keep working, trying to get the last door open. They finally succeed. RILEY (shouting as the door swings open): Got it! Both he and Scannell run through the door into area 1. The computer is giving other warnings about the state of the ship, but Riley and Scannell don't hear them. They rush over to two separate keypads, and type as fast as they can, trying to boot up the auxiliary engines. COMPUTER: Impact in 1.06. Done with typing, the two boys move over to a wall covered in switched, buttons, and controls. They both begin frantically pulling, pressing, and realigning controls. RILEY (looking at a screen, expecting to see a positive result, but instead receives only static) : It's not working. Why's it not working?! Suddenly Martha rounds the bend into area 1. She launches straight into giving them the Doctor's instructions. MARTHA: Vent the engines. Dump the fuel. Both Riley and Scannell look questioningly at her. SCANNELL: What? MARTHA: Sun particles in the fuel. Get rid of them. (When neither one responds). Do it. Now! ! The boys spring into action. They head to two practically identical walls, and begin turning dials, which in turn release the fuel. MARTHA: Come on Doctor, hold on. Once all the dials have been turned, one of the boys twists the 'fuel dispersal' dial, which causes the ship to lurch, and for them all to be flung about. However, the readout shows that the fuel is successfully leaking out of the bottom of the ship. As Martha holds on, and the Doctor continues to scream, the ships fuel falls back into the sun, causing the Doctor's eyes to stop glowing. He turns onto his back, his eyes returned to normal. However, he appears to still be in a lot of pain. As more and more fuel is released, the lurching gets more and more violent, until Martha is thrown from where she stands. SCANNELL: There! How're we gonna fly?! As the countdown hits zero, the computer gives a final message. COMPUTER: Impact averted. Impact averted. Riley is breathing heavily, led on the floor, having been thrown about. Martha, looking around, pulls herself into a sitting position. Scannell pops up to his feet. Riley can't believe they are safe. RILEY: We're clear! We've got just enough reserves. With beaming smiles, Scannell and Riley embrace. Martha smiles too for a few seconds, but realises somebody is missing. MARTHA: Doctor... She turns and runs from the scene to find him. As she runs towards him, the Doctor, looking slightly worse for wear, pulls himself to his feet. When Martha reaches him, she pulls him into a hug. He lifts her clean off the ground, weak as he is, and they both share a giggle of happiness. As the ship flies through space, everything has returned to normal on the inside, apart form the distinct lack of crew members. Riley and Scannell are stood, admiring the TARDIS, while The Doctor and Martha walk round it, checking to see that she's OK. SCANNELL: This is never your ship! THE DOCTOR: Compact! Eh! And another good word, robust! Barely a scorch mark on her. MARTHA (concerned about the boys): We can't just leave them drifting with no fuel. RILEY: We've sent out an official mayday. The authorities will pick us up soon enough. SCANNELL: Though how we explain what happened... THE DOCTOR (opening the door to the TARDIS): Just tell them. That sun needs care and protection, just like any other living thing. Scannell nods. The Doctor steps inside the TARDIS, and Martha makes to follow him, but before she can do so, Riley grabs her arm. RILEY: So... uh, you're off then. (Martha nods). No chance I'll see you again? MARTHA: Not really. It was nice... not dying with you. (They both give a half hearted laugh). I reckon you'll find someone worth believing in. RILEY: I think I already did. Unsure of what to do for a second, Martha decides, and launches herself onto Riley, and kisses him. He is very pleasantly surprised. Scannell looks on. MARTHA (unsure of what to say): Well done. Very hot. Riley gives a little laugh. Martha steps into the TARDIS, and shuts the door. As she walks up the ramp to the centre console, she is beaming. MARTHA: So! Didn't really need you in the end, did we?! (However, rather than his usual beaming self, the Doctor looks sad and distant). Sorry. How're you doing? Rather than answer her, the Doctor becomes business like. THE DOCTOR: Now! What do you say? Ice skating on the mineral lakes of Cuhlhan. Fancy it? Instead of smiling, Martha looks disappointed, as she wishes the Doctor would open up to her. MARTHA (unenthusiastically): Whatever you like. The Doctor looks at her and realises. THE DOCTOR: By the way, you'll be needing this. He pulls a TARDIS key on a long chain out. MARTHA (unbelieving): Really?! THE DOCTOR: Frequent Flier's Privilege. (He slowly feeds it into her hand, and looks at her properly) Thank you. MARTHA: Don't mention it. (He gives her a weak smile, and continues to tinker with the TARDIS. Martha realises something, and feels about for her mobile). Oh no! Mum! The Doctor looks at her as she dials. Francine picks up at the other end. FRANCINE: Hello? MARTHA: Me again! FRANCINE (slightly sarcastic): Three calls in one day. MARTHA: Sorry about earlier. Over emotional, mad day! FRANCINE: What are you doing tonight? Why don't you come round? I'll make something nice and we can catch up. MARTHA: Yeah! Tonight. Do my best. Um, just remind me, what day is it again? FRANCINE: Election day. MARTHA: Right. Course. I'll be round for tea. Roughly. FRANCINE: And what about... but she is interrupted. MARTHA: Anyway, gotta go! See you later! Love you! Martha hangs up, smiling. At the other end, Francine turns her phone off, looking slightly annoyed. She turns around, and walks over to the table, where the sinister woman is sat, putting her earphones away, flanked by two burly men in suits. Francine hands her phone over to them, by dropping it in a clear plastic bag held by the sinister woman. FRANCINE: That's all? SINISTER WOMAN: For now. Have you voted? FRANCINE: Of course. Just don't expect me to tell you who for. SINISTER WOMAN: Thanks for all you're doing, Mrs Jones. Mister Saxon will be very grateful. Francine eyes the sinister woman and her two bodyguards as they get up and leave.

Half a universe from Earth, the Doctor and Martha answer a distress call from the cargo ship SS Pentallian , which will impact a star in 42 minutes. The ship scooped out part of the star, which is alive, for cheap fuel. The star uses crew members Korwin and Ashton as host bodies, and begins taking out everyone on board. Martha and crew member Riley, while trying to reach the front of the ship, are jettisoned into space in an escape pod by Ashton. The Doctor remagnetises the pod to bring Martha and Riley back. The Doctor begins being taken over by the star, and tells Martha to vent the engines, getting rid of the "sun particles" in the fuel. This causes the engines to start working again, and frees the ship from the star's pull.

fd_Frasier_04x13

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Act One Scene One - Radio Station. Frasier is coming towards the end of his radio show. Frasier: Well, listeners, flu season is upon us again. As is customary, KACL is offering its employees and their families free flu shots. Now, in order to show the importance of getting a flu shot, I am going to put aside my lifelong fear of needles and be inoculated right here over the air when we come back. Frasier presses a button as Martin and Daphne enter. Martin: We've been sitting out here half an hour, I've got places to go. Frasier: Well, Dr. Claman is on his way, dad. Roz: [enters booth] Frasier, are you afraid of needles? Frasier: Oh, not really, no. I just say that to encourage people that really are. Roz: Well, they can use the help. You know, those needles they use are about this long [uses finger to show great length] and if it hits a nerve when it's going into the muscle... [Frasier squirms] Daphne: Shots are perfectly harmless. You've got nothing to worry about. Well, sure, you hear the occasional story about somebody getting an air bubble in their vein or the needle getting stuck in a bone and the tip breaking off - but that's the exception. Martin: Oh, that's it! We're out of here. Daphne: Well, what about my flu shot? I always get a flu shot! Martin: Well, you're not getting a flu shot today, you told me you'd drop me off at McGinty's. Now, I told Duke I'd meet him at five 'o clock sharp and he'd pounce if I were not there on time. He sits there with his bottom lip stuck out and eats all of the Brazil nuts out of the bowl because he knows I like them! So, come on, let's go. Martin drags Daphne out. Frasier: Nice to know that men in bars still settle their disputes the old fashioned way, isn't it? Dr. Claman enters. Roz is obviously taken aback by him as usual. Claman: Dr. Crane. Frasier: Oh, Dr. Claman. Claman: Sorry I'm late. My last patient was a bleeder. Frasier: [worried] Oh... Roz: Fifteen seconds. Frasier: Where are my manners? [to Roz] Perhaps you should be inoculated first. Roz: I already had my shot. [seductively to Claman] But I could sure use a checkup! [to Frasier] You're on. Roz exits to her booth. Frasier: [presses button] All right, folks, we're back. Em, joining us for this last minute of our show is Dr. Morris Claman who's going to give me my flu shot. Uh, but, you know, what's the rush? Perhaps we'd be interested in finding out what strains of flu you've isolated this year. Claman: Primarily Singaporian and Guatemalan, would you roll up your sleeve, please. Frasier: And how do you suppose they travelled here? Claman: No idea. Roll up your sleeve. Frasier: [rolling sleeve] Could it have been a careless tourist? A baggage handler? A tainted wok? Roz: Dr. Crane, we're almost out of time. You do want to get that shot, don't you? Frasier: [no, no] Yes, yes. Claman: Right, first I'm just gonna swab the area with a little alcohol and then I'm going to give you the shot. [swabs it] There, that's done. Frasier: Really? Well, that didn't hurt at all. The newly immunised Dr. Frasier Crane, signing off. Frasier presses a button as Dr. Claman takes a big needle from his bag. Claman: No, no, no, that was just the alcohol. This is the needle. Frasier turns round and comes face to face with it, letting out a huge scream as Claman goes to inject him that causes Roz to jump and tear off her headphones. [SCENE_BREAK] DESIGNS Scene Two - Caf Nervosa. The Caf is busy when Frasier and Roz enter to meet Niles. Niles: Well, you're late. All the tables are taken. Roz: No, uh-er, there's one right there. Dibs on that table. Frasier: Roz, Niles was here first. Roz: No, but I'm meeting someone. Please, guys? Niles: Oh, who is it? Another one of your till-dawn-do-us-part relationships? Roz: No, twerp! It's a guy who I think really has a chance. I can sense a lot of chemistry between us. Dr. Claman enters and greets them. Frasier: Dear God! When did you two even get out of my sight?! Roz: You blanked out for thirty seconds after he gave you the shot! Roz and Claman go to a table. Niles: No-one is budging, we're going to be here forever. Frasier: Well, Niles, I suppose we could share a table. There's a couple of seats available there. Frasier points out the window seat where two women are sat chatting. Niles: Oh, good Lord, we can't sit with strange women. Frasier: Why not? We married strange women! [they laugh] Niles: But really, I'm not in the mood. Frasier: You know, just try to relax. It'll do you good to do something spontaneous for a change. Niles: I just... I just... I wouldn't know what to say. And besides, I'm a married man. Frasier: Oh, Niles, please, when will you get rid of that tired old excuse - your off again/off again relationship with Maris? Frasier and Niles go to the table. Frasier: Hello, ladies, excuse me, would you mind terribly if we joined you until another table opens us? Laura: Oh, please do! Frasier: Oh, thank you so much, that's very kind. [sits beside Laura] I'm Frasier and... [looks at Niles dusting his chair] and this gentleman dusting for fingerprints is my brother, Niles. [Niles sits] Laura: I'm Laura, and this is Beth. They all greet each other. [N.B. Lisa Darr and Peri Gilpin were both regulars on the short-lived TV series, "Flesh n' Blood."] Frasier: So... what do you two ladies do? Beth: Er, you don't want to hear about it. Niles: Well, why don't we? Laura: It's just boring - to guys, anyway. Beth: Yeah, their eyes just glaze over when the subject comes up. Frasier: Oh, come on, come on. We're not your average bozos off the street. Why don't you try us? Laura: [resigned] We design kitchens. The brothers gasp in awe. Frasier: On the contrary! I am always ready to debate the merits of downdraft cook tops and ceramic tile backsplashes. Laura: Whoa! Whose little boy are you? Niles: Yes, and just the mention of a double-bowl stainless steel sink with integral drain boards makes me hum like a sub-zero freezer! Beth and Laura are just as surprised and delighted as the boys. Frasier: You know, I think the key to a good kitchen is comfort. Beth: Well, that's a whole current trend - a living room feel in the kitchen. Niles: Except of course with our father, who favours a kitchen feel in the living room! Everyone laughs, especially Beth. Beth: That's funny! You're very witty. [bats her eyes at him] Niles: [embarrassed] Thank you. Frasier: Oh look, Niles, a table has opened up. [starts to get up] Laura: Oh, no, no, don't! Stay. Beth: Yeah, this is fun. Frasier: Well, yes, it is fun, isn't it, Niles? Niles: Well, I told you it would be. Frasier: Well, I'll go get us some coffees. Frasier goes to the counter. Niles: You know I, I... Niles trails off as Beth, without taking her eyes from his, dips her biscotti in her coffee and seductively nibbles on the end. Niles: I'll help. Niles goes to Frasier. Frasier: I knew you'd panic! Niles: Well, I'm sorry, this is still a little new for me. And besides, those two are coming on to us. Frasier: You know, they are very attractive, Niles. Niles: I know! Frasier: Maybe we should ask them out? Niles: On a date? We just met! Frasier: Good point, Niles! Perhaps we should go out with them a few more times before we ask them on a date! Niles: I just mean it seems a little rash. Frasier: Well, that's exactly why we should do it. [picks up coffees] We're being spontaneous today. Come on. Niles: Well, I am enjoying this... er, all right, I'll do it. Oh, oh, wait. We're making an assumption here. Frasier: Hmm? Niles: We could both we interested in the same woman. Frasier: Good Lord, I hadn't thought of that. Niles: All right, I'll declare. I'm interested in Beth. Frasier: Good! Good, we really dodged the bullet there. [pause] Which one's Beth? Niles: Oh, it's this one here. Frasier: Great! Frasier and Niles go to the table. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Beth & Niles and Frasier & Laura enter the apartment. Frasier: Here we are. Laura: Oh, Frasier, what a great apartment. Frasier: Well, it's just a little something I threw together. You know, an objet here, an antique there. Beth: [notices Martin's chair] And there's the chair. Wow, he wasn't kidding! Martin: [enters] Oh, hi. Frasier: Dad. Niles: Dad, meet Beth Armstrong and Laura Paris. They greet each other. Martin: Please, have a seat, sit down. [they do] So, you've been out on a double date, huh? Beth: Well, sort of. We met this afternoon and the next thing we knew, your sons were taking us out to dinner and then to the Seattle Rep. Martin: Oh, what did you see? Laura: "The Man Who Came To Dinner." It's about a bad-tempered invalid that moves into these people's house and just drives them crazy. Martin: Oh, comedy? Frasier: [enters with brandy on tray] I used to think so! Martin: Well, Mr. Smart Alec, as a matter of fact, I was just about to do a favour for you. Sherry and I can't make it to the mountains this weekend and the cabin's already paid for, so I thought maybe you'd like to use it. Frasier: Well, thank you, dad, but Laura and I have plans to go to the symphony. Martin: Oh, how about you, Niles? Niles: Oh, Beth and I are attending an art opening. Martin: Well, if you hear of anybody. Nice meeting you, ladies. I'm really glad the boys brought you over. And it's been a long time since I said that and meant it! Martin exits to his room as they pick up their brandies. Niles: Well, dad wasn't really thrilled with the women we married. Frasier: Yes, fortunately my taste has improved a lot since then. Laura: [suggestive] I think your taste is fabulous. [pause] I'm referring to the brandy, of course. Frasier: [looking into his glass] Hmm, velvety texture, great body... I'm not. [Laura smiles at him] Niles: Well, in honour of what happened today - a toast to winging it! What greater thrill is there than going down an unknown path, not quite sure where it will lead, just enjoying the way that path winds, and what it looks like, and where it goes off to... er..... Frasier: Perhaps you should have left a trail of breadcrumbs before you started down that toast! Laura: You know, Frasier, I'd hate to see you miss a weekend in the country just to take me to the symphony, we can go next week. Frasier: Maybe that... I have a thought. In the spirit of spontaneity that has carried us this far - why don't we postpone our plans are all go to the cabin together this weekend? Laura: I'd love that. Beth: Sounds like fun. Frasier: Well, then, it's settled. Saturday morning we ride the high country! Niles: Say, you two have been here five minutes and you haven't seen Frasier's kitchen yet. Frasier: There's really nothing special about it. Niles: Let's let the professionals judge that. Laura: I am kind of curious to take a peek. Niles: Well, peek away. The girls get up and head to the kitchen. Niles: And some day when you speak of his faux granite countertops - and you will - be kind. Beth: [stops to look at him] You are SO funny. Beth and Laura exit to the kitchen. Frasier: What's going on?! Niles: Well, things are going rather fast. Just going out this evening was a big step, but something that involves packing a suitcase, and given my situation, I can't... Frasier: Niles! When you are going to stop letting Maris be an anchor on your social life? Niles: Oh, surely that is the most tortured metaphor you've ever come up with! Maris, an anchor?! They argue about this. Frasier: Even if she's lightweight... For God's sake, oh would you just stop it, you're changing the subject! This afternoon, for the first time in your life, a perfectly lovely woman that you don't even know has agreed to go away with you on a weekend. Isn't that exactly the kind of scenario you've always dreamed of? Niles thinks about it, and is unable to keep from smiling. Niles: Yes. Frasier: And if you pass it up, won't you regret it? Niles: [more energetic] Yes. Frasier: Well then, for once in your timid, risk-free life, don't you think it's time you grabbed for that brass ring? The girls enter. Laura: Great kitchen, Frasier! You guys feel like firing up the cappuccino maker? Niles: [with gusto] Yes! [pause] Of course, if I have that much caffeine at this hour, it'll probably make me... [Frasier hits him] YES!!! End of Act One Act Two LET'S VUITTON WITH IT Scene One - Cabin. Frasier, Niles, Laura & Beth enter the cabin with their luggage. Frasier: Ah, here we are. Laura: Oh, this place is perfect. Beth: Don't you just love this air? Oh, I am going to sleep like a baby. Laura: Me too. Frasier: I hope you don't mind roughing it. There's no radio or television. Laura: I guess we'll just have to make our own entertainment! Beth: We should be able to manage that. Come on, let's go look around outside. Niles: We'll start the fire and we'll be right out. Beth: Okay. Beth and Laura exit. Frasier: Well, I think things are going rather well, don't you? Niles: Yes they are, and thank you for twisting my arm. Frasier: You feel like a new man, don't you? Niles: I feel like a new woman, and thank God I remembered to pack one! [they laugh] Ah, you know, I just wish I were sure that Beth and I were on the same page. It's been so long, I've forgotten how to read all the signals. Frasier: Well Niles, you don't need a decoder ring to understand the phrase, "Make our own entertainment"! Niles: [naughty chuckle] No-o! The boys laugh. Frasier: Then again, there was that other statement about sleeping like a baby. Niles: Exactly! They could be thinking platonic. The two of them in one room, sleeping like babies. Frasier: The two of us in another, crying like babies. Niles: Well, we're all adults, I suppose we could just ask them what they have in mind. Frasier: That's the worst thing we could do! What if they're not interested? They'll be embarrassed and it'll ruin the entire weekend. Niles: Oh, I know! Their luggage will tell us! We'll put my bag in with your date's, and your bag in with my date's. They'll see the mistake, and the way they correct it will tell us with whom they're planning to spend the night - each other, or us - and either way, it'll all look like a simple misunderstanding. Frasier: You've done this before! Niles: Only on my honeymoon, now hurry! Frasier and Niles go about this operation. Then Frasier stops. Frasier: Niles, this is idiotic! We're both trained psychiatrists. Niles: Yes, and finally it's paying off! Laura and Beth enter. Laura: Oh, Frasier, this place is heaven. Beth: Why don't we open up a bottle of wine and watch the sunset? Niles: You know, the sun won't be setting for a little while yet. Just think how much more we'll enjoy it if we got all our unpacking done first! Beth: That can wait. Laura: Er, by the way, Beth and I were talking, and I don't know what you guys have in mind for tonight and sorry if this sounds kind of forward, but we would like to avoid an awkward, uncomfortable situation by getting this out in the open right now. The boys are hopeful. Laura: When we go out to dinner tonight, it's on us. Frasier: [let down] Well, that's awfully nice of you. Speaking of awkwardness... er, did you know.... Niles: Look at that sunset! The girls go to the window. Frasier: Are you as crazed by this as I am? Niles: It's driving me out of my mind. Frasier: Oh, all right! I'm going to settle this once and for all. Now, just follow my lead. Frasier and Niles walk up to the window with the girls. Frasier: Yes, now that is lovely, isn't it? Frasier puts his arm around Laura's waist, she snuggles up to him. Niles: Yes, it is magnificent. Niles puts his arm around Beth's, she snuggles up to him. The boys lean back behind the girls and exchange faces that say, "Bingo!" However, Laura and Beth then put their arms around each other, like friends. The boys lean back again with faces that say, "Now what?!" [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne is sat with a towel over her head, on the couch, over a bowl of hot water as Martin enters and sits on his chair with a beer. Martin: Not feeling so hot, huh? Daphne sits up and gives him an evil look. Martin: What did the doctor say? Daphne: He says I've got... Oh, what was that medical term he used? Oh, I remember - flu! Martin: I'm really sorry I didn't let you get that flu shot. Is there anything at all that I can do for you? Daphne: Well, when I was a little girl and got sick, Grammy Moon used to read me to sleep. It's a great comfort. Martin: Oh. [picks up book] Is this what you're reading? Daphne: Yeah. Martin: "The Rose And The Rapier"?! Daphne: Well, if you're not in the mood... [sneezes, coughs violently and then sprays a breath freshener into her mouth] You don't have to. Martin: No, no, I'll do it. Daphne: The bookmark's where I left off. Daphne relaxes on the sofa. [N.B. "The Rose & the Rapier" is the novel written by Deirdre Sauvage, the romance novelist from [3.07] "The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl."] Martin: All right. Okay. [reads] "With a gasp of dismay, she ran to him, her amethyst eyes wide with alarm. 'You fool,' she hissed, 'Suppose someone saw you. The Duke's men are everywhere'." [looks up] Hey, this isn't so bad. Daphne: I told you. Martin: [reads] "'You fool,' she whispered again, 'You sweet, brave, wonderful fool. I should have died had you not found my bedchamber.'" [suddenly embarrassed] Oh, Geez! [reads] "Then she was in his arms and all her qualms forgotten as she... [shifts in chair] ...tore his tunic asunder and thrust her eager lips against the sinews of his naked chest." Martin looks over to Daphne who seems to be asleep. He turns some pages. Martin: [reads] "The next morning..." Daphne: You left out a section! Martin: Okay, okay! [goes back, reads] "As his brazen fingers peeled the silken fabric from her heaving... [coughs the word "bosum" out as he turns red] ...he beheld her quivering alabaster mounds. [takes a huge gulp of his beer to wet his suddenly dry throat] At that moment she felt the proof of his rampant passion... [he sweeps his forehead of sweat] against her milky thighs. His almost God-like beauty was marred only... Martin looks over to a sleeping Daphne. Martin: ...by the fact that he was..." [closes book] cross-eyed, three feet tall and had breath like owl droppings! Martin looks over to Daphne who is obviously dead to the world, he looks content. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Cabin. That evening, Frasier, Niles, Laura and Beth are sat by the fire with glasses of wine. Laura: Is there anything more relaxing than just lazing by the fire with a good glass of wine? Beth: Nothing I know of. Niles: You two must be relaxed. Sitting there so calmly when there is still all that unpacking to do. Beth: Oh Niles, we didn't bring that much. Laura: Yeah, we didn't think we'd need too many clothes this weekend! Frasier and Niles look at each other wondering if this was a hint. Laura: Well, I hate to break things up but I'm getting a little sleepy, so I'm going to get ready for bed. Beth: Yeah, it is getting kinda late. [to Frasier, re: wine glass] Are you finished with that? Frasier hands over the glass as Beth goes to the kitchen. Laura, meanwhile, goes to a bedroom. Niles and Frasier meet in the middle. Frasier: Niles, this is tearing me apart! Niles: These women are inscrutable as sphinxes! Frasier: Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?! Beth: [crossing the room] Well, I'm off to bed. Niles, are you coming? Beth exits to another bedroom. Niles: [not realising] Curse these infernal riddles! Frasier: Niles! Niles: [realises] So she really said what I thought she said? Frasier: Yes, go! Niles: Suitcase! Suitcase! The boys exchange cases. Niles: There you are. Frasier: Sleep well. Niles: Oh, you too. Frasier notices Niles pick up his mobile phone and dial. Frasier: Niles, what are you doing? Niles: Oh, never mind. [into phone] Yes, is Mrs. Crane there? Yes, I'll hold. Frasier: What is this, some sort of weird, kinky foreplay?! Niles: I'm starting to feel guilty about this. Frasier: Now?! Niles: I'm sorry, I just need to clarify the ground rules of Maris's and my separation. Frasier: Oh, fine, fine. I think you might look back on this one day as your darkest hour. But, do what you want to. Frasier exits to the bedroom where Laura is waiting. Niles: [into phone] Yes, Maris. Er, it occurred to me, we never laid out the rules about our dating other people and what we could and couldn't do. Beth: [o.s.] Niles, what are you doing? Niles: [covers phone] Coming. [into phone] I, er, well, here's the thing: I know that we're allowed to see other people. Em, my question is, how much of them are we allowed to see? The door to his room opens. Beth stands in the doorway in a nightie in which Niles can see all. She beckons him. Niles: [reeling slightly, holds up a finger, whispering:] Be with you in a second. [she smiles and goes back in; into phone] I'm sorry, what? Oh, really? Well, that's wonderful, that's all I needed to know. Thank you. Niles hangs up and knocks on Frasier's door. Frasier opens the door looking rather angry. His shirt is half unbuttoned Frasier: Yes? Niles: You were wrong. Maris says she doesn't mind at all. Frasier: Ah! Well then, off you go! Frasier exits back to his room. Niles: Let the revels begin! Niles takes the bottle of wine and himself into Beth's room. However, he isn't in there two seconds before Niles re-enters the main room, still with the wine, and goes to knock on Frasier's door. Frasier answers it, with more anger, this time his whole shirt is unbuttoned and he is starting to undo his trouser belt. Frasier: What?! Niles: Why doesn't Maris mind at all? Laura: [o.s] What's going on? Frasier: Er, nothing, just a second, it's Niles. I'll be a moment. [then, to Niles] Why do you care? Niles: Well, because she could have taken a lover herself and this is her way of alleviating her guilt. Frasier: Okay, Niles, so what do you want to do? Do you want to stew over that all night - let her have all the fun? Niles: Well, no, of course not. Frasier: Well, then - [with somewhat less oomph] Off you go! Frasier watches as Niles takes the wine bottle up to Beth's room, kicks the door open with his feet, and enters in macho pride. Frasier retires back to his room. The room is dark. However, Niles's mobile starts ringing in the room. Niles comes out again. Beth: [o.s] Niles! Niles: Er, momentito. Niles answers his phone. Niles: Hello? Yes, Maris. Oh, I see, but... all right. Niles hangs up, confused. He then, once again, knocks on Frasier's door. This time he is wearing only his boxers Frasier: Yes!! Laura: [o.s] Frasier! Frasier: I'll just be a second. Niles: She changed her mind, she doesn't want me to go through with this. Do you realise what's happening here? Frasier: Yes! Your ex-wife is ruining my s*x life! Give me that! Frasier snatches Niles's phone. However it starts ringing again. This makes Frasier extremely mad as he moves towards the front door. Niles: Could I... What are you doing? Frasier opens the door and throws it out as it stops ringing. He closes the door. Niles: [shocked] What are you doing? What if she's changed her mind again, how I am supposed to know what to think? Frasier: I'm just going to say this one last time. This weekend is not about thinking, it's about doing. Doing something that the Crane boys haven't done for a very, very long time! For once in our miserable, sex-starved lives, can't we do something pleasurable without thinking it to death?! Unaware to the boys, Laura and Beth enter the room. Frasier: Don't think about today, don't think about what's right! Don't even think of them as Laura and Beth! [Laura crosses her arms] For tonight they are just two live, breathing, available female bodies who want us! Laura: Think again! Niles and Frasier turn around in shock to see Laura and Beth exiting to the two separate bedroom, slamming the doors behind them. Frasier gives Niles a look. However, this gets worse when we hear Niles's mobile phone resonating from outside. Niles opens the door and looks out. Niles: Do you remember which snow bank you threw my phone into? Frasier: Oh, I think I could hit it again! [seizes him by the shirt] Niles: Frasier! Frasier! Frasier! Frasier pushes Niles out of the door. End of Act Two [SCENE_BREAK] That night, Frasier and Niles are sleeping in the living room of the cabin. Frasier is on the sofa, with some covers on him, whilst Niles is curled up on the floor shivering. Frasier wakes up and looks over to Niles. He takes a pillow over to him, as if to give him some comfort. But instead, he just starts hitting him over the head with it in anger. Niles awakes to this. As Frasier resettles on the couch, he shivers himself back to sleep.

Frasier is having his flu shot live on his show, and despite his fear of needles, is determined to go through with it. Martin and Daphne are also there to get theirs, but Martin is late for meeting Duke and so they leave without getting their shot. Roz, meanwhile, has designs on the doctor administering the injections. Later, on a particularly busy day at Café Nervosa , Frasier and Niles struggle to get a table and so decide to share a table with two attractive young women. The brothers each begin to date one of the women, and the four arrange a weekend at a mountain cabin. However, at the cabin, Niles starts feeling guilty about his separation from Maris.

fd_Doctor_Who_04x03

fd_Doctor_Who_04x03_0

Spotlights turn on to reveal Ood. ADVERTISEMENT VOICE: The Ood. They came from distant world. They voyaged across the stars, all with one purpose. An Ood holds out a teacup. OOD (in the ad): Do you take milk and sugar? ADVERTISEMENT VOICE: To serve. Mr Bartle is looking at a big screen with the advertisement on it. Mr BARTLE: That's good. That's excellent, I like it sir. Buy one now! Direct. Straight to the point. Mr HALPEN (on intercom): We play that across the tri-galactic for two weeks, then introduce this. ADVERTISEMENT VOICE: Now only 50 credits! The words appear on the screen. Mr BARTLE: 50? We're reducing the price to 50 credits? Mr HALPEN: Sales are down. We've got to reposition ourselves. So get going. The communicator beeps as he hangs up. Mr BARTLE: Idiot. Bleeding us dry! (talking to an Ood behind him) You there. Get me last month's military export figures. The army always needs more grunts. OOD: Yes sir. The Ood bows. Voice comes on intercom. SOLANA: Mr Bartle, you asked me to call you. Mr BARTLE: Solana, when those buyers arrive we're going to pitch like never before. I want those Ood flying out of here. The Ood hands him a binder. Mr BARTLE: That... I said military figures. That's the domestic files. Get me the military. The Ood's eyes glow red. OOD: The file is irrelevant, sir. Mr BARTLE: Oh, why's that? The Ood electrocutes him with his translator ball. OOD: Have a nice day. OPENING CREDITS The TARDIS is rocking. Donna screams. DOCTOR: Set the controls to random. Mystery tour. Outside that door could be any planet, anywhere, anywhen in the whole wide... Are you all right? DONNA: Terrified. I mean history's one thing, but an alien planet! DOCTOR: I could always take you home. DONNA: Yeah, don't laugh at me. DOCTOR: I know what it's like. Everything you're feeling right now. The fear, the joy, the wonder, I get that! DONNA: Seriously? After all this time? DOCTOR: Yeah. Why do you think I keep going? DONNA: Oh! All right then, you and me both! This is barmy! I was born in Chiswick. I've only ever done package holidays. And now I'm here. This is so... I mean it's... I don't know, it's all sort of, I don't know what the word is! She opens the Tardis door and steps out in to a snowy landscape. DONNA: I've got the word. Freezing! The Doctor comes out of the Tardis. DOCTOR: Snow! Aw, real snow! Proper snow at last! That's more like it, lovely. What do you think? DONNA (shivering): Bit cold. DOCTOR: Look at that view! DONNA: Yep. Beautiful, cold view. DOCTOR: Millions of planets, millions of galaxies and we're on this one. Molto bene! Bellissimo! Says Donna. Born in Chiswick. All you've got is a life of work and sleep, and telly and rent and tax and takeaway dinners, all... birthdays and Christmases and two weeks holiday here, and then you end up here! Donna Noble. Citizen of the Earth, standing on a different planet. How 'bout that Donna? He looks back at Tardis. Donna's not there. DOCTOR: Donna? She comes out in a big fluffy coat with a huge hood. DONNA: Sorry, you were saying? DOCTOR: Better? DONNA: Lovely, thanks. DOCTOR: Comfy? DONNA: Yep. DOCTOR: Can you hear anything inside that? DONNA (smiling): Pardon? DOCTOR: All right, I was saying, citizen of the Earth... They looks up to see a big rocket flying over them. DONNA (in awe): Rocket! Blimey, a real proper rocket. Now that's what I call a spaceship. You've got a box; he's got a Ferrari! Come on, lets go see where it's going! Doctor looks back at Tardis, his pride offended. Outside a big factory building the people from the rocket are walking up to a group of people by a door. Dr RYDER: Mr Halpen, sir. Dr Ryder, new head of Ood Management. Mr HALPEN: How many dead? Come on, facts and figures. I haven't flown all this way to discuss the weather, which by the way is freezing. Dr RYDER: Solana has the figures, sir. SOLANA: Solana Mercurio, sir. Head of Marketing and Galactic Liaison. Mr HALPEN: That's just what I need. A PR woman. I don't want a word of this getting out, is that understood? Now get to the point. How many dead? They walk into the building. SOLANA: In the past financial quarter we've had three deaths in the complex. All attributed to heart attacks or industrial accidents, but now we've captured this on tape, the cause would seem the same. The screen shows the Ood electrocuting Mr Bartle. Mr HALPEN: It's using the translator ball as a weapon. How's that work? Dr RYDER: Well, no idea. I'm checking the equipment. Nothing so far. Mr HALPEN: Can't see its eyes from this angle. Dr RYDER: I think we have to assume... Mr HALPEN: Red-eye. Dr RYDER: I would think so sir. Mr HALPEN: That Ood. What happened to it? Dr RYDER: Oh, ran for the wild sir. Like a dog. One of the guards fired off a shot. It'll be dead by now. SOLANA: Can I ask? What's "red-eye" sir? Dr RYDER: Well, it's some sort of infection. The Ood's eyes literally change color. Mr HALPEN: Drink! Dr RYDER: I can't find a source. All the bacteria scans register negative. His Ood hands Mr Halpen a glass. SOLANA: Sorry, but according to your own rules sir, there's no alcohol allowed on base. Mr HALPEN: It's hair tonic if you must know. (He drinks it). Five years ago I had a full head of hair. Stress, that's what this is. Stress. The Doctor and Donna walk in a deserted winter wonderland, laughing. Suddenly he stops, hearing eerie music. DOCTOR: Hold on, can you hear that? (louder) Donna, take your hood down! DONNA: What? DOCTOR: That noise is like a song. He looks around to find the source. DOCTOR: Over there! He rushes to the body on the ground, followed by Donna. DONNA: What is it? DOCTOR: An Ood. He's called an Ood. DONNA (disgusted): But it's face... DOCTOR: Donna, don't. Not now. It's a he, not an it. Give me a hand. DONNA: Sorry! She kneels beside the Ood too. The Doctor examines the Ood with a stethoscope. DOCTOR: I don't know where the heart is. I don't know if he's got a heart. Talk to him, keep him going. DONNA: It's all right, we've got you. Um, what's your name? DELTA 50 (weakly): Designated Ood Delta 50. She picks up his translator ball, talking into it like into a microphone. DONNA: My name's Donna. DOCTOR: No, no, no, no. You don't need to... DONNA: Sorry. (She tries to find out what to say). Oh, God! This is the Doctor! Just what you need, a doctor. Couldn't be better, hey? DOCTOR: You've been shot. DELTA 50: The circle... DONNA: No, don't try to talk. DELTA 50: The circle must be broken. DOCTOR: Circle? What d'you mean? Delta 50, what circle? Delta 50? What circle? Delta 50 suddenly sits up, roaring, eyes glowing red. The Doctor and Donna jump back. Then he collapses, dead. DONNA: He's gone. She goes back and kneels beside the body. DOCTOR: Careful. DONNA: There you are, sweetheart. (She strokes the Ood's head). We were too late. What do we do, do we bury him? DOCTOR: The snow will take care of that. DONNA: Who was he? What's an Ood? DOCTOR: They're servants, of humans in the 42nd century. Mildly telepathic, that was the... song. It's his mind calling out. DONNA: Couldn't hear anything. (She stands up). He sang as he was dying. DOCTOR: His eyes turned red. DONNA: What's that mean? DOCTOR: Trouble. Come on. (They walk away). The Ood are harmless. They're completely benign. Except, the last time I met them, there was this force, like a... stronger mind, powerful enough to take them over. DONNA: What sort of force? DOCTOR: Yeah, long story. DONNA: Long walk. DOCTOR: It was the Devil. DONNA: If you're gonna take the mickey, I'll just put my hood back up. DOCTOR: Must be something different this time, though. Something closer to home. They climb to a rock and behind, they see the Ood Operation buildings. DOCTOR: A-ha! Civilisation! A group of reps arrive to Ood Operations. SOLANA: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Ood-Sphere. And isn't it bracing? Here are your information packs, with vouchers, 3D tickets and a map of the complex. My name's Solana, Head of Marketing. I'm sure we've all spoken on the vidfone. Now, if you'd like to follow me. The Doctor and Donna arrive running. DOCTOR: Sorry, sorry, sorry! Late. Don't mind us. Hello! The guards let us through. SOLANA: And you would be? The Doctor shows the psychic paper. DOCTOR: The Doctor and Donna Noble. DONNA: Representing the Noble Corporation PLC Limited, Intergalactic. SOLANA: Must have fallen off my list, my apologies. Won't happen again. Now then, Dr Noble, Mrs Noble, if you'd like to come with me. DOCTOR: Oh, no, no, no, no, we're not married! DONNA: We're so not married. DOCTOR: Never. DONNA: Never ever! SOLANA: Of course. And here are your information packs, vouchers inside. Now if you'd like to come with me, the Executive Suites are nice and warm. An alarm wails. DOCTOR: Oh, what's that? That sounds like an alarm. In his office, Mr Halpen can hear it too. Mr HALPEN: For God's sake, we've got the buyers arriving, who sounded the alarm? Drink! SOLANA (to the reps): Oh, it's just a... siren, for the end of the work shift. Now then, this way, quick as you can! Mr HALPEN (on the intercom): Mr Kess, what the hell's going on? Mr KESS: Ood on the loose, sir. Looks like we've got another one. Mr HALPEN: Red-eye? Mr KESS: As red as sin, sir. Don't worry, Mr Halpen, we're on it. The Ood runs across the yard. GUARD: Sir! Mr KESS: All right then, lads, go get him! SOLANA (talking to the reps in the room with the huge screen): As you can see, the Ood are happy to serve, and we keep them in facilities of the highest standard. Here at the Double O, that's Ood Operations, we like to think of the Ood as our trusted friends. During her speech, outside the guards, carrying huge guns, are still chasing the loose Ood. Mr KESS: He's over there! You two follow me! SOLANA: We keep the Ood healthy, safe, and educated. Mr KESS: Take him alive! SOLANA: We don't just breed the Ood. We make them better. Because at heart, what is an Ood, but a reflection of us? If your Ood is happy, then you'll be happy, too. The Ood turns to face the guards, not attacking, just growling, raging. Mr KESS: Mr Halpen, this is a bit more than red-eye, sir. This is something new. It's rabid, sir. Mr HALPEN: Take it to Dr Ryder. Just get it out of sight! VOICE (over the intercom): Sales figures needed by 19,00 sir. Mr HALPEN: Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes to the mirror, examining his head. Mr HALPEN (to his Ood): What do you think? Growing back? Just a little bit? Like you'd know! SOLANA: I'd now like to point out a new innovation from Ood Operations. We've introduced a variety package with the Ood translator ball. You can now have the Standard Setting. (talking to Ood1) : How are you today, Ood? OOD 1 (normal voice): I'm perfectly well, thank you. SOLANA: Or perhaps, after a stressful day, a little something for the gentlemen. (to Ood 2) : And how are you, Ood? OOD 2 (sultry female voice): All the better for seeing you. SOLANA: And the comedy classic option. (to Ood 3) : Ood, you dropped something. OOD 3 (Homer Simpson voice): Doh! The reps laugh. SOLANA: All that for only five additional credits. The details are in your brochures. Now, there's plenty more food and drink, so, don't hold back. She leaves; the Doctor goes to the control board and brings the picture of the solar system to the big screen. DOCTOR: Ah, got it! The Ood-Sphere, I've been to this solar system before, years ago, ages! Close to the planet Sense-Sphere. Let's widen out. (he does it) The year 4126. That is the Second Great and Bountiful Human Empire. DONNA: 4126. It's 4126. I'm in 4126. DOCTOR: It's good, isn't it? DONNA: What's the Earth like now? DOCTOR: Bit full. But you see, the Empire stretches out across three galaxies. DONNA: It's weird. I mean, it's brilliant, but... Back home, the papers and the telly, they keep saying we haven't got long to live. Global warming. Flooding. All the bees disappearing. DOCTOR: Yeah, that thing about the bees is odd. DONNA: But look at us! We're everywhere. Is that good or bad, though? I mean, are we like explorers? Or more like a virus? DOCTOR: Sometimes I wonder. DONNA (examining the picture on the screen): What are the red dots? DOCTOR: Ood distribution centres. DONNA: Across three galaxies? Don't the Ood get a say in this? She walks to the Ood standing nearest. DONNA: Um, sorry, but... He doesn't seem to notice her, so she touches his shoulder to get his attention. DONNA: Hello. Tell me, are you all like this? OOD 1: I do not understand, Miss. DONNA: Why do you say "Miss", do I look single? DOCTOR: Back to the point. DONNA: Yeah. What I mean is, are there any free Ood? Are there Ood running wild somewhere? Like wood beast. OOD 1: All Ood are born to serve. Otherwise, we would die. DONNA: But you can't have started like that. Before the humans, what were you like? The Ood seems confused. OOD 1: The circle. DOCTOR: What do you mean, what circle? OOD 1 (struggling): The circ... the circle... is... SOLANA: Ladies and gentlemen! All Ood to hospitality stations, please. DOCTOR: I've had enough of the schmoozing. Do you fancy going off the beaten track? SOLANA (voice from the background): Now, if I can introduce you... DONNA (smiling): Rough guide to the Ood-Sphere? Works for me! DOCTOR: Isn't it? Mr Halpen and Dr Ryder are in a dark chamber, the rabid Ood chained up, still raging non-stop, two armed man guarding him. Mr HALPEN: What the hell is wrong with it? Dr RYDER: It's obviously stage two of red-eye. Whatever that means. Mr HALPEN: Ood Sigma, have you seen this before? SIGMA: Humanity defines us, sir. We look to you for answers. Mr HALPEN: Oh, fat lot of good, all of you. We're exporting hundreds of thousands of Ood to all the civilised planets. If they turn rabid, you know what it'll mean. Dr RYDER: There's only one thing I haven't checked, sir. Warehouse 15. Mr HALPEN: Why should that cause trouble? It's been two centuries now. No change, not ever. Drink! Dr RYDER: I know it's restricted access, but if I'm going to work on this, I should see it. Just in case. Mr HALPEN: Can't stand the place. (He gulps his drink). Still. Warehouse 15 then, come on. Dr RYDER: What about this one, sir? Mr HALDEN: Well, I'd suggest a post mortem. Which means it's got to be dead first. As they leave, the guards start shooting. The Doctor sonics a fence open. LOUDSPEAKERS: Ood shift eight, now commencing. Repeat, Ood shift eight now commencing. The Oods are marching through the yard in a fashion like soldiers or prisoners. One of them falls to his knees. Mr Kess rushes to him. Mr KESS: Get up! I said get up! Mr Kess whips the Ood until he manages to get back to his feet. DONNA: Servants? They're slaves. Mr KESS: Get up! March! DOCTOR: Last time I met the Ood, I never thought. I never asked. DONNA: That's not like you. DOCTOR: I was busy. So busy I couldn't save them, I had to let the Ood die. I reckon I owe them one. Mr Halpen, Dr Ryder, Sigma and two guards cross the now empty yard. DONNA: That looks like the boss. DOCTOR: Let's keep out of his way. Come on. They leave. Dr RYDER: How long since you went inside? Mr HALPEN: Must be... ten years ago. He types the code to open the door. COMPUTER VOICE: Warehouse 15. Mr HALPEN: My father brought me here, when I was six years old. COMPUTER VOICE: Security protocol initiated. Mr HALPEN: God, the stench of it. COMPUTER VOICE: Warehouse 15. Door open. They get inside and stop by the balustrade, looking at something below. Dr RYDER: Incredible. Mr HALPEN: Like I said. Nothing's changed. Dr RYDER: I've read the documents, but... it doesn't quite prepare you. Mr HALPEN: Is it just me, or does it feel as if it's looking at you? Dr RYDER: I think I understand the barrier mechanics well enough. I'll check the signal. He goes to the controls. Mr HALPEN (to Sigma): Suppose it's home sweet home to you. What d'you think? SIGMA: I have no opinion, sir. Mr HALPEN: Well... say hello to Daddy. Dr RYDER: Nothing. The barrier's intact. No abnormal signal. Same as it's been for 200 years. SOLANA (on the intercom): Mr Halpen, the two people from the Noble Corporation failed to pass security checks. There's no such company, the Noble Corporation doesn't exist. And on top of that, they seem to have gone missing, sir, the Doctor and Miss Noble. Mr HALPEN: Just what I need. Start a search, no alarms, got that? Keep it quiet. (To Sigma) You see? Hair loss! Drink! He takes the glass, then lifts it up, over the balustrade. Mr HALPEN: Tell you what, old friend. Have this one on me. Cheers! He pours it to the thing below, evoking a loud rumble. Mr HALPEN: I think we're finished here. He turns to leave, Dr Ryder follows, still unable to take his eyes off the thing. He bumps into Sigma. Dr RYDER: Sorry. Sigma also takes one last look before following the humans. The Doctor, concentrating on the map, goes past a door, but Donna stops him with a loud whistle. DOCTOR: Where d'you learn to whistle? DONNA: West Ham, every Saturday. He uses the sonic to open the door. It leads to a huge hangar, filled with containers. They see a giant claw lifting and transporting the containers. DOCTOR: Ood export. D'you see? Lifts up the containers, takes them to the rocket sheds, ready to be flown out, all over the three galaxies. DONNA: What, you mean, these containers are full of...? DOCTOR: What do you think? He opens the door on one container. Inside, it's filled with Ood, just standing there, motionless. DONNA (horrified): Oh, it stinks! How many of them d'you think there are in each one? DOCTOR: Hundred? More? DONNA: A great big empire, built on slavery. DOCTOR: It's not so different from your time. DONNA: Oi! I haven't got slaves! DOCTOR: Who d'you think made your clothes? DONNA: Is that why you travel round with a human at your side? It's not so you can show them the wonders of the universe, it's so you can take cheap shots? DOCTOR: Sorry. DONNA: You don't. Spaceman. (To the Ood) I don't understand, the door is open, why don't you just run away? OOD: For what reason? DONNA: You could be free. OOD: I do not understand the concept. DONNA: What is it with that Persil ball? I mean, they're not born with it, are they? Why do they have to be all plugged in? DOCTOR: Ood, tell me, does "the circle" mean anything to you? ALL OOD: # The circle must be broken. DONNA: Woah, that is creepy! DOCTOR: But what is it? What is the circle? ALL OOD: # The circle must be broken. DOCTOR: Why? ALL OOD: # So that we can sing. Mr KESS: Mr Halpen? I'm in Ood Cargo, I've found your unwanted guests. (To the guards) Go! He sounds an alarm. DOCTOR: Oh, that's us! Come on! Mr HALPEN: Cut the alarms! I said, no alarms! SOLANA (to the reps): Nothing to worry about, ladies and gentlemen, it's just a fire drill. We test the system at this time every day. If you'll excuse me. The Doctor and Donna run between the containers. She stops. DONNA: Doctor, there's a door! But the guards are coming in right through that door. GUARD: Don't move... DOCTOR (noticing he's alone): Where've you gone? But he has no time to wonder as guards are at his heels. GUARD: ...stay where you are. They catch Donna and push her into a container. DONNA: Get off me! Get off me! DOCTOR: Donna! Where are you? Mr KESS: All guards withdraw. GUARD: Sir? Mr KESS: I said withdraw. Keep to the perimeter. I've got this one. (He's at the controls of the huge claw). I've always wanted to do this. The Doctor is running from the claw. He tries to get in a container but no luck. Mr KESS: Container locked. DONNA (to the Ood): Can you help me? (She notices that their eyes are glowing red). Oh, no, you don't! What have I done? I'm not one of that lot. I'm on your side! Stay where you are. That's an order! I said, stay! Doctor! DOCTOR! The Doctor is now losing against the claw. He finally falls to the ground, panting. But it stops just before crushing him. SOLANA (to Mr Kess): You heard the instructions. Mr Halpen wants them alive. Two guards grab the Doctor and lead him toward the exit. DONNA (voice from the container): Doctor, get me out! Doctor, get me out of here! DOCTOR: If you don't do what she says then you're really in trouble. Not from me, from her. Mr KESS: Unlock the container! They open the door, Donna runs to hug the Doctor. DONNA: Doctor! DOCTOR: There we go, safe and sound. DONNA: Never mind about me, what about them?! The Ood are marching out of the container. They electrocute the guard who stands by the door. Mr KESS: Red alert! Fire! More containers open with even more red-eyed Ood attacking. Mr KESS: Shoot to kill! The guards start to fire. The Doctor and Donna run off the building, followed by Solana. They stop a bit further. DONNA: If people back on Earth... knew what was going on here... SOLANA: Oh, don't be so stupid. Of course they know. DONNA: They know how you treat the Ood? SOLANA: They don't ask. Same thing. DOCTOR: Solana, the Ood aren't born like this, they can't be. A species born to serve could never evolve in the first place. What does the company do to make them obey? SOLANA: That's nothing to do with me! DOCTOR: Oh what, cos you don't ask? SOLANA: That's Dr Ryder's territory. DOCTOR: Where is he? What part of the complex? I could help, with the red-eye, now show me! SOLANA (pointing on the map): There. Beyond the red section. DOCTOR: Come with me. You've seen the warehouse, you can't agree with all this. You know this place better than me, you could help. Solana thinks about it for a few seconds, but finally decides to stay loyal to the company. SOLANA: They're over here! Guards! They're over here! GUARD: Male and female suspects escaped. Westridge corridor. SOLANA (on the intercom): Mr Halpen, I found the Doctor. He's heading for Ood Conversion. Mr HALPEN: On my way. (Talking to Mr Kess on the com) : Mr Kess, what's the situation? Mr KESS: We've contained it, sir, fenced them in. But the red-eye seems to be permanent this time, it's not fading. Worse than that, sir... there's more of them going rabid. My opinion, sir, I think we've lost them. The entire batch contaminated. Mr HALPEN: What's causing it? Why now? What's changed? Absent-minded, he strokes his own head, and looks horrified at the bunch of hair that's stayed in his hand. Mr HALPEN (on the intercom): How many Ood, in total? Mr KESS: I'd say about 2,000, sir. Mr HALPEN: We can write them off, that's what insurance is for. Drink! We've plenty more on the breeding farms, let's start again. (He gulps his drink). Fetch the canisters. No survivors. Mr KESS: My pleasure, sir. You lot, canisters! The Doctor and Donna are running from two guards. DOCTOR: This way! They arrive to another door. DOCTOR: Oh, can you hear it? I didn't need the map, I should've listened. They get inside, then he uses the sonic to lock the door. DONNA: Hold on. Does that mean we're locked in? DOCTOR: Listen. Listen, listen, listen, listen... Eerie music sounds. DOCTOR: Oh, my head! DONNA: What is it? DOCTOR: Can't you hear it? The singing? They see a cage with several Ood inside. These ones seem shy, trying to hide from them. DONNA: They look different to the others. DOCTOR: That's because they're natural-born Ood, unprocessed, before they're adapted to slavery. Unspoilt. They go to the cage. DOCTOR: That's their song. DONNA: I can't hear it. DOCTOR: D'you want to? DONNA: Yeah. DOCTOR (warning): It's the song of captivity. DONNA: Let me hear it. DOCTOR: Face me. (He puts his hands to her head, like when he is mind reading). Open your mind, that's it. Hear it, Donna. Hear the music. She hears a beautiful song of lament which makes her cry. DONNA (choking): Take it away! DOCTOR: Sure? DONNA: I can't hear it. He puts his hands on her head again, stopping her from hearing the telepathic singing. DONNA: I'm sorry. DOCTOR: It's OK. DONNA: But you can still hear it? DOCTOR: All the time. Mr HALPEN: Come on, what's the hold-up? Dr RYDER: It's the experimentation lab, maximum security, he's fused the system. Mr HALPEN: Don't just stand there, get the bolt-cutters, rip that door off! Solana, go back to the reps, I don't want any of them wandering off and seeing this. And get them away from the Ood, just in case. Hurry up! SOLANA: Yes, sir. The Doctor uses the sonic to open the cage of the Ood. Loud thuds come from the door. DONNA: They're breaking in. THE DOCTOR: Ah, let them. He goes into the cage. The Ood are trying to get as far from him as possible. DOCTOR: What are you holding? Show me. Friend. Doctor Donna. Friend. Let me see... Look at me... Let me see. (One of them creeps closer). That's it. That's it, go on. Go on... The Ood opens his palms, showing the small brain he was hiding. DONNA: Is that...? DOCTOR: It's a brain. A hind brain. The Ood are born with a secondary brain. Like the amygdala in humans, it processes memory and emotions. You get rid of that, you wouldn't be Donna any more. You'd be like an Ood, a processed Ood. DONNA (shocked): So the company... cuts off their brains? DOCTOR (angry): And they stitch on the translator! DONNA: Like a lobotomy. (She is terribly shaken). I spent all that time looking for you, Doctor, because I thought it would be so wonderful out here... I want to go home. With a final loud thud, the door is opened. GUARD: They're with the Ood, sir. The Doctor closes the door of the cage, locking himself and Donna inside with the Ood. DOCTOR: What you gonna do, then? Arrest me? Lock me up? Throw me in a cage? Well, you're too late! Hah! The Doctor and Donna are taken back to the main building. They are handcuffed to some pipes. Mr HALPEN: Why don't you just come out and say it? Foto activists! DOCTOR: If that's what Friends Of The Ood are trying to prove, yes! Mr HALPEN: The Ood were nothing without us, just animals roaming around on the ice. DOCTOR: That's because you can't hear them. Mr HALPEN: They welcomed it! It's not as if they put up a fight. DONNA: You idiot! They're born with their brains in their hands. Don't you see, that makes them peaceful! They've got to be, cos a creature like that would have to trust anyone it meets. DOCTOR: Oh, nice one. DONNA: Thank you! Mr HALPEN: The system's worked for 200 years. All we've got is a rogue batch. But the infection is about to be sterilised. (On the intercom) Mr Kess? How do we stand? Mr KESS: Canisters primed, sir. As soon as the core heats up, the gas is released. Give it 200 marks (he starts the countdown) and counting. DOCTOR: You're gonna gas them?! Mr HALPEN: Kill the livestock. The classic foot-and-mouth solution from the olden days. Still works. The natural Ood in the cage lift their palms up, staring to sing. So do the red-eyed ones. SOLANA (talking to the reps): I'm sorry, if I could ask you one more time, could all the reps please come through to the Education Suites. REP 1 (obviously drunk): Why move now? It's a free bar! SOLANA: Could I ask all the Ood to withdraw, it's feeding time. The Oods in there can also hear the singing. They bow their heads like they are in pain. REP 1: Aw! You've upset them. Leave them alone! SOLANA: I have to insist. If all the Ood could please leave... The Ood look up, they eyes have turned red. SOLANA (scared): Ladies and gentlemen, change of plan. If you could leave by the fire exits... REP 1: I could sell this! You could offer different colours. An Ood elecrocutes him with the translator ball. They start to kill off the other reps. Solana runs out to the yard, only to find more red-eyed Ood and the guards trying to fight them. GUARD: They've gone insane, Miss, they've gone mad, all of them! SOLANA: Just shoot them! Shoot to kill! She tries to escape but gets killed by an Ood coming from a different direction. An alarm wails. Mr HALPEN: What the hell? He leaves with Dr Ryder to see what's happening outside. Mr Kess is still in the cargo hall, chacking the devide that should gas the Ood. Mr KESS: What's going on out there? The door opens and red-eyed Ood enter the hangar. COMPUTER VOICE (from loudspeakers): Emergency status. Emergency status. All exits sealed. Mr RYDER: It's a revolution. The yard is filled with guards and Ood fighting. Mr Halpen and Dr Ryder watch it, shocked, then head back inside. Sigma looks at his people, but then turns back to follow his master. Mr KESS: Come back! Let me out of here! The Ood have locked him in without gas mask, he chokes to death when the gas cannon goes off. Mr Halpen and Dr Ryder return to the room where the Doctor and Donna are chained. Mr HALPEN: Change of plan. Dr RYDER: There are no reports of trouble off-world, sir, it's still contained to the Ood-Sphere. Mr HALPEN: Then we've got a public duty to stop it before it spreads. DOCTOR: What's happening? Mr HALPEN: Everything you wanted, Doctor. No doubt there'll be a full police investigation once this place has been sterilised, so I can't risk a bullet to the head. I'll leave you to the mercies of the Ood. DOCTOR: But Mr Halpen, there's something else, isn't there? Something we haven't seen! DONNA: What d'you mean? DOCTOR: A creature couldn't survive with a separate forebrain and hind brain, they'd be at war with themselves. There's got to be something else, a third element, am I right? Mr HALPEN: And again, so clever! THE DOCTOR: But it's got to be connected to the red-eye, what is it? Mr HALPEN: "It" won't exist for very much longer. Enjoy your Ood. He leaves followed by Dr Ryder, Sigma and the two guards. The Doctor and Donna try to get their hands free. DOCTOR: Come on! Mr HALPEN: Dr Ryder. Warehouse 15. Dr RYDER (about Sigma): Well, what about this one? Mr HALPEN: No. You've not turned. Faithful to the last. Go, join your people, while you still can. They bow their heads and then Sigma leaves. Mr HALPEN (to Dr Ryder): Come on! DONNA: Well, do something! You're the one with all the tricks! You must've met Houdini! DOCTOR: These are really good handcuffs! DONNA: Oh, well I'm glad of that. I mean, at least we've got quality! The door opens and three red-eyed Ood come in. The Doctor and Donna try to say something that would connect to them. DOCTOR: Doctor, Donna, friends. DONNA: The circle must be broken. DOCTOR: Doctor, Donna, friends! DONNA: The circle must be broken! DOCTOR: Doctor, Donna, friends! DONNA: The circle must be broken! DOCTOR: Friends, friends, friends! The red-eyed Oods are still advancing. But through the telepatic link, what they hear echoes to the natural Ood in the cage. They stand up and lift their palms, they seem to send a message to the three menacing the Doctor and Donna, those three bow their heads, and when they look up the red-eye is gone. OOD: Doctor. Donna. Friends. DOCTOR / DONNA: Yes! That's us! Friends! Oh, yes! A rabid Ood jumps on one of the guards. Dr Ryder wants to help but Mr Halpen pulls him back. Mr HALPEN: No! Leave him. The Doctor and Donna look around on the yard that is now a real battlefield, guns rattle, people shout, fires everywhere. DOCTOR: I don't know where it is! I don't know where they've gone! DONNA: What are we looking for? DOCTOR: Might be underground, like some sort of cave, or a cavern, or... Dr Ryder and Mr Halpen reach the door of Warehouse 15 and go inside. COMPUTER VOICE: Warehouse 15. Door open. The Doctor and Donna are thrown to the ground by an explosion. DOCTOR (to Donna): All right? She nods. As they look up, they see Sigma watching them. Mr HALPEN: It's always been an option, my grandfather drew up this plan. That's the advantage of a family-run business, Dr Ryder. The personal touch. Dr RYDER: But we should evacuate. If we can get to the rocket sheds... Mr HALPEN: No need! We've got this. (He opens a huge safe). Detonation packs. He gives some of them to Dr Ryder. Mr HALPEN: Place them around the circumference. We're gonna blow it up. This thing dies, so do the Ood. They attach the detonators to the balustrade. Sigma leads the Doctor and Donna to Warehouse 15. The Doctor opens the door with the sonic. They get inside and stop by the balustrade, watching the thing below: a giant brain. DOCTOR: The Ood Brain. Now it all makes sense, that's the missing link, the third element, binding them together. Forebrain, hind brain, and this, the telepathic centre. It's a shared mind, connecting all the Ood in song. Mr Halpen appears, pointing a gun at them. Mr HALPEN: Cargo. I can always go into cargo. I've got the rockets, I've got the sheds. Smaller business, much more manageable, without livestock. Dr RYDER: He's mined the area. DONNA: They're gonna kill it? Mr HALPEN: They found that... thing centuries ago beneath the Northern Glacier. DOCTOR: Those pylons. DONNA: In a circle. "The circle must be broken." DOCTOR: Damping the telepathic field. Stopping the Ood from connecting for 200 years. Mr HALPEN: And you, Ood Sigma, you brought them here. I expected better. SIGMA: My place is at your side, sir. Mr HALPEN: Ha-ha! Still subservient. Good Ood. DONNA: If that barrier thing's in place, how come the Ood started breaking out? DOCTOR: Maybe it's taken centuries to adapt. The subconscious reaching out. Dr RYDER: But the process was too slow. Had to be accelerated. You should never give me access to those controls, Mr Halpen. I lowered the barrier to its minimum. Friends Of The Ood, sir. It's taken me ten years to infiltrate the company. And I succeeded. Mr HALPEN: Yes. Yes, you did. He smiles and pushes Dr Ryder over the balustrade. DONNA: You... murdered him! Mr HALPEN: Very observant, Ginger. Now, then... can't say I've ever shot anyone before. Can't say I'm gonna like it. But it's not exactly a normal day, is it? Still... SIGMA: Would you like a drink, sir? Mr HALPEN: I think hair loss is the least of my problems right now, thanks. Sigma steps between the Doctor and Mr Halpen. SIGMA: Please have a drink, sir. Mr HALPEN: If... If you're going to stand in their way, I'll shoot you too. SIGMA: Please have a drink, sir. Mr HALPEN: Have... Have you... poisoned me? SIGMA: Natural Ood must never kill, sir. DOCTOR: What is that stuff? SIGMA: Ood-graft suspended in a biological compound, sir. Mr HALPEN (scared): What the hell does that mean?! DOCTOR: Oh, dear... Mr HALPEN: Tell me! DOCTOR: Funny thing, the subconscious. Takes all sorts of shapes. Came out in the red-eye as revenge. Came out in the rabid Ood as anger. And then, there was patience. All that intelligence and mercy, focused on Ood Sigma. How's the hair loss, Mr Halpen? As he touches his head, another bunch of hair stays in his hand. Mr HALPEN (staring to shake): What have you done? DOCTOR: Oh, they've been preparing you for a very long time. And now you're standing next to the Ood Brain. Mr Halpen, can you hear it? Listen... Mr HALPEN (choking): What have you...? I'm... not...! He drops the gun and bows forward, then grabs the skin on his head. He peels it off, revealing an Ood scull below. Tenticles come out of his mouth and he is turned completely into and Ood. DONNA (horrified): They... They turned him into an Ood?! DOCTOR: Yep. DONNA: He's an Ood. DOCTOR: I noticed. Halpen / Ood seems to sneeze, and a small hind brain falls into his hands. SIGMA: He has become Oodkind. And we will take care of him. DONNA (shocked): It's weird, being with you, I can't tell what's right and what's wrong any more. DOCTOR: It's better that way. People who know for certain tend to be like Mr Halpen. The detonators start beeping. DOCTOR: Ooh! (He twists something to switch them off). That's better. And now... Sigma, would you allow me the honour? SIGMA: It is yours, Doctor. He goes to the controls to turn off the electric field around the brain. DOCTOR: Oh, yes! Stifled for 200 years, but not any more. The circle is broken. The Ood can sing! A beautiful, joyous song begins. The Doctor laughs, Donna looks delighted. DONNA: I can hear it! The Oods everywhere stop fighting, they stand in circles, lift their palms and join to the song. The Doctor and Donna are standing near the TARDIS, accompanied by several Oods including Sigma. DOCTOR: The message has gone out. That song resonated across the galaxies, everyone heard it. Everyone knows. The rockets are bringing them back. The Ood are coming home. SIGMA: We thank you, Doctor Donna. Friends of Oodkind. And what of you now, will you stay? There is room in the song for you. DOCTOR: Oh, I've... I've sort of got a song of my own, thanks. SIGMA: I think your song must end soon. DOCTOR: Meaning? SIGMA: Every song must end. DOCTOR: Yeah. (to Donna) Erm, what about you? You still want to go home? DONNA: No. Definitely not. DOCTOR: Then, we'll be off. SIGMA: Take this song with you. The Ood lift their palms and start singing. DONNA: We will. DOCTOR: Always. SIGMA: And know this, Doctor Donna. You will never be forgotten. Our children will sing of the Doctor Donna, and our children's children. And the wind and the ice and the snow will carry your names forever. The Oods stand there, singing, as they watch the TARDIS dematerialising.

The Doctor and Donna land on the Ood 's home planet, the Ood-Sphere where a company called Ood Operations has been selling the Ood as slaves. A member of Friends of the Ood, Dr Ryder, infiltrates the company and lowers the settings on the force field which blocks the giant brain that telepathically connects all of the Ood. The Ood start a revolution. Halpen murders Dr Ryder, but transforms into an Ood because of his personal Ood, Ood Sigma, uses Halpen's hair loss medication to slowly convert Halpen into an Ood. Sigma promises to take care of Halpen. The Doctor shuts down the force-field, freeing the Ood.

fd_Frasier_03x17

fd_Frasier_03x17_0

Act One Scene One - KACL Frasier's show is on the air, but Frasier is nowhere to be seen. A nervous Roz is filling in. Roz: Well, it's uh... 2:07, here on the Dr. Frasier Crane Show. As I said, I'm Roz Doyle, Frasier's producer, [looks to see if Frasier is coming] filling in for the temporarily detained Dr. Crane. [picks up a copy] It's cloudy and 62 degrees outside coming up on 2:08... [looks at clock] right... there. Well, let's take a call. Hello, Lydia. What seems to be the problem? Lydia: [v.o.] I already told you. Roz: Yeah, that was when I was the call screener, now I'm the host. So, tell me your problem, and take your time. Lydia: Well, it started about two weeks ago. I got this terrible obscene phone call. It's happened several times since then and now it's to the point where I'm afraid to answer my own phone. Roz notices Frasier running by the window. Roz: Well, obscene phone calls can be very disturbing. [Frasier bursts in] But luckily, Dr. Frasier Crane has just arrived and I'm sure he knows exactly what soothing things to say. Roz hands the headphones to Frasier. He is out of breath from running and can only pant into the microphone, causing Lydia to scream in fear and hang up. Roz: [into microphone] Maybe now would be a good time to take a break. We'll be right back after this. [pushes in a cart] Frasier: What the hell was that all about?! Roz: Oh, never mind that, where were you? Frasier: Oh, god. Somebody'd parked in my space again. I had to park six blocks from here and sprint the whole way. By the end, my tweed pants were throwing off so many sparks I almost caught myself on fire! I tell you what - the minute we go to a news break I'm going to rush down there and put this withering note on his windshield. [writing] "Dear discourteous driver..." Roz: Whoa! I think you've said enough right there! [snatches his note] Come on, Frasier. This isn't gonna do any good! You want to make an impression on him? Get tough. You go right down there and let the air out of his tires. Frasier: Oh, I wouldn't do something like that. Roz: Why? It's just inconveniencing him like he inconvenienced you. Frasier: Roz, listen, the world has become uncivilized enough without me stooping to that level. Of course I was sorely tempted last night. I went to the movies to see "How Green Was My Valley." Lady Luck seated me in front of two elderly women who said with the arrival of each new actor, "My God, doesn't he look young; he's dead, you know." Finally I had to just walk out. Roz: Oh, you're on in five seconds. And Brenda is on line one. [enters her booth] Frasier: [on air] Hello, Seattle. We're back, and I would like to start by apologizing for being tardy. Nothing quite so inconsiderate as making someone wait. Now without further ado let's get to Brenda. Hello, Brenda. Brenda: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane. I'm having a problem with my sister. She's always... [her phone clicks] Oh, wait a second. That's my other line. [clicks over] Frasier: [annoyed] Something tells me I'm going to be siding with Brenda's sister. [SCENE_BREAK] A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR ALL YOU DONALD CRISP FANS Scene Two - A video rental shop Frasier enters the shop and holds the door open for an outgoing customer. She doesn't say a word. Frasier: You're welcome! [walks up to the counter] Excuse me, I was wondering if you could direct me to... The phone rings; the clerk ignores Frasier and answers the phone. Clerk: Friendly Video. Yeah, I think we got that one. Hang on a second, I'll check. Frasier: [to a customer behind him] Don't you hate that? You come all the way down here yourself to the store, wait patiently, and somebody who calls in from home gets preferential treatment. A second clerk opens up another line. Clerk: I can help the next person in line. The other customers rush to the next lane ahead of Frasier. Clerk: Hey, do we have "The Invisible Man?" Frasier: Right here! Clerk: Thanks. [in phone] Yeah, we got it. [hangs up] Frasier: Excuse me. I was looking for... [the phone rings again; the clerk reaches for the phone, but Frasier places his hand on top of it] Don't even think about it! I'm looking for "How Green Was My Valley." Clerk: Huh? Frasier: It is a beautifully acted depiction of life in a small town in Wales. It won five Academy Awards! It's a classic! Clerk: Oh. Well, uh, this is a shot in the dark, but you might try looking in the Classics section. Frasier rolls his eyes and heads toward the Classics section, only to find a woman who had been behind him in line picking up the same video. Frasier: Uh... you're taking "How Green Was My Valley?" Woman: I heard it was great. Frasier: Yes, but you heard it from me! You were standing next to me in the line! [she says nothing and takes her place in line; Frasier, frustrated, goes back to the clerk] Excuse me, is there another copy? Clerk: Oh yeah, that would be across the street in our "How Green Was My Valley" annex. Frasier stalks out of the store in annoyance. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Frasier's apartment Martin is in his chair watching television. Daphne enters with a basket of laundry. Martin: [chuckling] Hey Daphne. Come on, you're just in time. It's starting. Daphne: I don't get this show. People send in videos of themselves having the most embarrassing and painful accidents. They add cartoon noises and music and everyone laughs themselves silly. Martin: [laughing at the TV show] Boy, I bet that hurt! Daphne shakes her head and exits to her bedroom as Frasier storms in. Martin: Well, what's wrong with you? Frasier: Frankly, I have had it with the whole boorish, ill-mannered world. Look, Dad, would you mind terribly if I used the TV tonight? I went to three video stores to get this tape. I'm just dying to see it. Martin: Sure, go ahead. How many times can you watch a dog get hit with a swinging door? Frasier: [staring at Eddie] Depends upon the dog. Eddie jumps down from the couch and follows Martin into the kitchen. Frasier walks over to put the tape in just as loud, piercing rock music begins playing from upstairs. Frasier: What the hell is that?! The windows are rattling, the walls are shaking, and I am talking to no one!! Daphne: [entering] Well, I see our neighbor's at it again. Frasier: [grabs the phone] Not for long! Martin: [entering] I'm gonna take a nap. Frasier: Dad, you can't possibly expect to sleep in this racket. Martin: Are you kidding? I've slept through worse than this. In Korea I dropped off in a foxhole right outside P'Anmunjom. By the time I woke up the cease-fire was over and I was the only one who didn't know about it. Talk about having egg on your face. [exits] Frasier: [in phone] Yes. Yes, would you please connect me with the young man who's just moved into the penthouse upstairs. No, I don't know his name! He's in the penthouse! He has shaggy hair, tattoos all over him, his body is pierced. Oh, and I don't know if I mentioned this but he's in the penthouse! The music stops suddenly. Frasier and Daphne look up at the ceiling. Frasier: [into phone] Never mind. [hangs up; to Daphne] Has the world completely lost the concept of common courtesy? Am I the only one who is resisting this tide?! [walks out onto the balcony and bellows:] People of Seattle, listen to me! We are not barbarians! We are not Neanderthals and we are not French! Do you hear that, you up there?! [walks back in and gets a glass of sherry] Daphne: That's his own music he's listening to, you know. His name is Freddie Chainsaw. Frasier: Chainsaw? Of the Newport Chainsaws? How does an arrested adolescent who barely knows two chords get a penthouse? Daphne: His last album sold five million copies. Frasier: Oh. Well, then, I'll just add that to my list of reasons to die. Daphne: You know, personally, I like it. But then, we Brits have always been on the cutting edge. You should have heard the punk rockers who rented the flat below me a few years back. They'd play the same song over and over again: [singing] Flesh is burning... nana nana nana. Flesh is burning... nana nana nana. [sighs] Oh no. I'm gonna have that tune in me head all day now. Frasier: Yes, well, thank you for that, Daphne. But I've been waiting all day to watch my movie. He pushes play on the remote control. The movie begins, but is suddenly undercut by Mr. Chainsaw's loud music again. Frasier angrily jumps to his feet. Frasier: Doesn't he ever stop for s*x and drugs?! [he grabs for the phone again and dials the operator] Hello. Yes. Please, I insist on being connected with the young man in the penthouse. [the music stops as Mr. Chainsaw answers his phone] Yes, hello, Mr. Chainsaw? Yes, how do you do? I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. I am your neighbor; I live right below you. Yes, do you have any idea how loud your music is? Oh. You do? Well... thank you. [he hangs up the phone, pleasantly surprised] Well, that wasn't so bad. The young man seemed quite amiable in his way. The peace is short-lived however, as the music starts up again. Frasier has had enough. Frasier: I'm going out! Daphne: What? Frasier: I'm going out! Daphne: What? Frasier: [just as the music stops] I AM GOING OUT! Martin: [o.s.] Hey, Frasier, will you keep it down out there. I'm trying to take a nap! [SCENE_BREAK] THE ETIQUETTE LESSON Scene Four - Caf Nervosa The caf is crowded and no tables are available. Frasier and Niles are standing at the counter. Frasier: Smell me, Niles. Niles: [sniffs] Grandpa! Frasier: Exactly! On my way down in the elevator today a woman thinks nothing of lighting up a cigarette. Has the world gone mad? Niles: I know exactly how you feel. This morning I discovered a ding in the door of my car. Frasier: Let me guess - no note on the windshield? Niles: No. And even worse, after I'd left the car off at the body shop, the rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. They stuck me with some vehicle I believe they call a Hunchback. Frasier: No. I think that would be a Hatchback, Niles. Niles: It's painted panic-button red, with a large rear window that pops open. Frasier: Oh, that would be the Hatchback. Niles: Well, there's a novel idea: name the car after its most hideous feature. I presume it was a toss-up between "Hatchback" and "What's that odor coming from the floor?" Frasier: [points] Oh, look, Niles - free table! Go, go, go, go! Niles: Oh, the biscotti! Frasier: Leave it! Niles: Oh, no - go on without me! Frasier reaches the table just as a couple sits down at it. He spots another empty one in the back. Frasier: Oh, there! Niles: Oh! They maneuver their way through a crowd of customers just in time to see that that table has already been taken as well. Niles: Oh, check on table one! Frasier: All right, fine. They reach the table, but the couple hasn't left yet. Frasier and Niles stand awkwardly above them, waiting for them to leave. Frasier: Oh, we're not hovering, believe me. It's just that there... well, there's really no place else to stand. Oh, just take your time, please. There's no rush. Waiter: Is the owner of a red Hatchback here? It's about to be towed. Frasier: Niles, isn't that your car? Niles: [whispering] Shh! Someone will hear you! Frasier: Niles, it's about to be towed! Niles: I'm not owning up to that car. I don't care if it's careening toward a baby carriage! The couple leaves the table. Frasier: Oh. Oh, thank you so much. Take care, have a lovely day. As Frasier says this, a man sneaks in behind him and sits down at the table. Frasier: Excuse me, but we were waiting for this table. Man: So get another one. Frasier: [irritated] Well, there aren't any. Look, you knew that we were waiting for it. We politely stood back and let those people leave and then you just jumped right in here! Man: Well, you won't make that mistake again. Frasier's eyes bug out. Niles: Frasier, Frasier... forget it. We'll just... we'll wait for another table. Frasier: No, we won't! This isn't about the table anymore! This is about the erosion of common decency. [places his coffee on the table] Sir, when you treat me this way you encourage me to be discourteous to another. And so on and so on. [the man doesn't acknowledge him] You don't have any manners, do you? [the man continues sipping his coffee] Then perhaps what you need is an etiquette lesson!! Frasier lifts the man up from his chair and roughly shoves him out the door. He returns to find all eyes upon him in shock. Frasier: SIT DOWN, NILES! [they sit] Niles: [to a waiter] My brother will have a decaf. Niles moves Frasier's coffee away from reach. End of Act One Act Two Scene One - Frasier's apartment The next morning. Daphne enters with a basket of laundry, singing to herself. Daphne: Flesh is burning, nana nana nana... Martin: [entering from the kitchen and singing to himself] Nana nana nana... flesh is burning... nana nana nana... [sees Frasier enter] Oh, hi, Fras. How you feeling? Frasier: [sits at table] Fine. Martin: I didn't ask you yesterday how your day went. Frasier: What did Niles tell you? Martin: Nothing! Geez, can't I ask you how your day went? How was work? [grins] How's your bad-ass self? [laughs] Frasier: Dammit! Niles blabbed! Martin: No, he didn't. You made the people of Seattle column. [presents a paper] Right here, under "The Crane Mutiny." [laughs] Frasier: [reads] "Three cheers for Dr. Frasier Crane, who struck a blow against rudeness yesterday in a coffeehouse melee." [throws paper down] Perfect! Now all of Seattle knows about my loutish behavior! Martin: What are you talking about? This guy had it coming. [doorbell rings] I can just picture it. He probably looked at you and he thought, "This guy's a creampuff, you know. A wuss... a wimp... a cupcake..." Frasier: [as he reaches the door] Dad! Martin: I'm sorry, I'm just so proud of you! Frasier opens the door to Niles. Niles: Ah, there he is, the man who floats like a lepidoptera and stings like a hymenoptera. Martin: Niles, I think you're just jealous. Niles: Jealous? Don't be ridiculous! Martin: This is my favorite part. [reading] "With one swift move the good doctor hoisted the miscreant out on his ear, declaring, 'What you need is an etiquette lesson.'" [laughs] I love that! You got your own tough-guy catchphrase! Niles: It's perfect for you, Frasier. Dirty Harry meets Emily Post. Martin: Come on. Show me how you grabbed him. Use Niles. Frasier: No, no Dad. I will not toss Niles about the room. Niles: Oh no, go ahead. Rough me up, Mr. Big Hero Bully Bouncer! [pause] Did that sound jealous? Frasier: A tad. Niles: Well, all right, I'm jealous. Why shouldn't I be? All my life I've backed out of fights and watching you leap into the fray like that, I... it made me think just once I'd like to experience what you felt - go nose to nose. [sits at table] Martin: Oh, your day will come, son. Niles: I don't know. I tried it this morning with my dry cleaner, Mr. Kim. I decided to give him a good tongue-lashing because he'd shattered the mother-of-pearl buttons on my best waistcoat. Unfortunately, due to his tenuous grasp of English and the fact that his mother's name is Pearl I was forced to flee his establishment amid a shower of coat hangers. Daphne: [entering from her room; to Niles] Good morning, Dr. Crane. [to Frasier] And to you, Dr. Crane, our very own knight in shining armor... Niles: Oh, great. Daphne: I want you to know that your assertiveness inspired me. For weeks now, some louse has been removing my wet clothes from the washer and leaving them on the table in a soggy mess. This morning, I decided to get my revenge. So I took off my new red panties and I popped them in with his whites. Niles: Bravo, Daphne. Good for you. God, I wish I'd been there. [sighs] Frasier: Daphne, don't you think you were overreacting just a bit? Daphne: Absolutely not. Those were my panties and I wasn't afraid to use them. [Niles bites down on his fist] Martin: Fras, why do you keep backing away from this? I mean, you should be proud of yourself. We all think you did the right thing. The newspaper does too. Daphne: That's right. And I'm going to fix you a proper hero's breakfast. [starts for kitchen] Frasier: No. No, no... Daphne. Please, really. It's not necessary. Thank you all. It's just that this isn't sitting well with me. I find it hard to believe any good can come of violence. The loud rock music starts up again. Frasier angrily throws down his napkin and grabs the phone. Frasier: That's it again! [in phone] Mr. Chainsaw. This is Dr. Frasier Crane... The music stops abruptly. Frasier and the others look up at the ceiling with amazement. Frasier hangs up the phone with an air of bravado. Frasier: Go ahead, Daphne. Make my eggs. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - KACL Frasier walks down the hall on the way to work. He encounters several coworkers who give him a thumbs up or a voice of approval. A few back away in mock fear. He chuckles and waves them off. Frasier: [as he enters his booth] You know, I do wish people would stop making such a fuss. Roz: They will, if you quit walking up and down the hall. You're on in five seconds. [enters her booth] Frasier: Oh yes, all right. [puts on headphones and pushes on air button] Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. Who's on the line, Roz? Roz: We have Mitch on line three. He's having trouble with his neighbors. Frasier: Hello, Mitch. Mitch: [v.o.] Make that had trouble. This idiot next door had his leaf-blower going at 7:00am, again. Frasier: Oh, that's very inconsiderate. Mitch: I'll say. That's why I decided to give him an "etiquette lesson." I grabbed that leaf-blower and smashed it against a tree. Frasier: [gasps] Mitch, I must say I'm stunned. I can't imagine a more extreme response to such a minor infraction. DISSOLVE TO: another caller. Frasier's jacket is off and he is slumped over the desk. Chris: [v.o.] ...so I snuck into his backyard and shoved a whole pound of rotten shrimp into his air conditioner! Come on summer! DISSOLVE: another caller goes on... Frasier's sleeves are now rolled up. He listens, horrified. Chuck: [v.o] ...hey, he asked for it. So I put 100 scorpions in a FedEx package. Frasier: Look, I'm sorry, but no matter how provoked you may have been, there is no earthly justification for... [dissolve] SETTING SOMEONE'S LAWN ON FIRE!! Rochelle: [v.o.] But she doesn't curb her dogs! Frasier: Oh... [buries his face in his hand] Rochelle: You don't take any guff. Why should I? Frasier: Rochelle... all of you... look, don't you realize that your behavior is just a bit extreme?! I displayed a minor bit of force in order to just make a point. I didn't go around smashing windows or torching lawns! Where does it end? Rochelle: Are you saying that what I did was wrong? Frasier: Of course I am! Rochelle: But what you did was okay? Frasier: No, no! I... come to think of it, what I did was just as wrong. I mean, who am I to draw the line at the acceptable level of force? Because the next person moves a little farther, and the next person, a little farther still until we finally end up with scorpions flying through the mail like Christmas bundt cakes! What we must all agree to do is to resolve our differences with discussion and reason. As a matter of fact, I'm going to call the gentleman that I manhandled and... and apologize to him for not having worked out our dispute in the right way in the first place- through words. The key here is restraint. And I do hope you'll follow my lead... Becky with the nail gun. [SCENE_BREAK] NO ACTORS WERE HURT DURING THE FILMING OF THIS SCENE Scene Three - Caf Nervosa. Frasier and Niles enter the caf . The customers applaud as they see Frasier. Frasier: Oh... people. People, please. There's no need for that. I'm no hero. A woman walks by and gives him a thumbs up. He chuckles and returns the gesture. Niles: No one's ever given me the thumbs up. Frasier: Well, Niles, I've driven on the freeway with you. The rest of the hand has been well-represented. [They sit just as the man Frasier shoved walks in the door.] Oh, look, there he is. Mr. Harvey, I'm so glad you could come. [stands] You remember my brother, Niles, and uh... we're at "our" table. Harvey: Look, I'm here, so say what's on your mind. Frasier: Well, there's no need for any hostility. I just came to talk. Harvey: Talk? You're not gonna take another shot at me? Frasier: No! [shouts of contention from the crowd of customers] No, they'll be nothing like that here today! Now, listen, I could try to explain my behavior by saying that these are stressful times we live in, that I had reached the end of my tether. But I won't do that, because you see, I was 100% wrong. I had absolutely no right to touch you and I accept full responsibility. Harvey: Well, I'm glad to hear you say that. [to crowd] And I hope you all heard that too. Frasier: So, then you accept my apology? Harvey: No, I'm suing you. And I've got a lot of witnesses that just heard you admit you were wrong. [hands him papers] Frasier: But, but... these are stressful times we live in and I'd reached the end of my tether! Harvey: Tough! I'm nailing you for assault! Frasier: But I hardly touched you! Niles: Oh, Frasier, I'm not surprised he's hiding behind lawyers. What other behavior would you expect... from a chicken? Harvey: What did you say? Niles: I was speaking to my brother. [stands] But, to put it in language you can understand... [clucking] bawk bawk bawk bawk! Frasier: Niles! This is no time for you to assert yourself! Harvey: [to Frasier] Hey, your brother's making trouble here... Niles: Oh, oh, oh... what are you gonna do? Flap me with one of your big fluffy wings? Frasier: Niles, stop it! Please excuse him! Niles: Oh, for god's sake, Frasier don't waste your breath on this hairy, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing troglodyte who's probably the only male in existence who suffers from pen1s envy! [excitedly hops up and down on his heels] Harvey: You look here, buddy... Words cannot do this justice - you have to see it. Mr. Harvey lightly pokes Niles on the shoulder. Niles acts as if he were punched. He begins reeling backward - laying waste to chairs and the coat hanger - finally landing atop a table and sending it and he crashing to the floor. The entire caf gapes at the scene as Frasier rushes to his aid. Frasier: Niles!! Niles... are you all right?! Niles: [pulling Frasier close to him and whispering] Counter suit! Frasier: [jumping up] Oh, my god!! Nobody move him! Harvey: I barely touched him! Frasier: Then you admit you touched him! [to crowd] He admits it! [Niles groans] Oh, Niles. Niles, I'm here for you. I promise we're going to get you the best care that THIS MAN'S MONEY CAN BUY! [out of earshot] My god, Niles, that was brilliant. You even got a tear in your eye! Niles: I landed on a fork. End of Act Two [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne is in the elevator with a basket of laundry. The doors open and two men get on and stand behind Daphne. They both have tennis rackets and outfits, but while one man's outfit is white, the other man's is a light pink. Daphne tries to suppress a laugh as she looks back at the man in pink. The men soon get off on their floor. When the doors close, Daphne whips out her red panties from her basket and flings them high in the air. She then "blows" them out--as if they were a smoking gun. She finally puts them back in her basket with a satisfied grin.

Frasier feels that he stands alone in upholding common courtesy, and loses his patience in a crowded Café Nervosa, forcibly ejecting a man who claimed a table just before him. He is hailed as a hero, and a wave of phone calls to KACL report how people have started emulating him. However, the man he targeted threatens to sue. Niles provokes the man to ensure a counter-suit.

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At the Nelson House - Emma's Room Emma is on her computer when her mom, Spike, comes in with popcorn. Spike: Are you sure you don't want popcorn? Emma: If I eat popcorn, I'll get greasy fingers, and greasy fingers mean a slimy keyboard. Spike: (Moving it in front of Emma) Mmm...popcorn. Emma: Ms. Kwan, poetry assignment. Spike: You'll get it done. Come on. (She shuts off the computer) Emma: Ok... Spike: So you know that Mr. Simpson and I have been friends for a long time. Emma: Yeah and he's been here all the time lately. Spike: I know, I know, that's sorta what this is about. Emma: What's that supposed to mean? Spike: It means that we're more than just friends, Em. We've been dating each other. Emma: Mr. Simpson? He's my teacher! Degrassi hallway Emma and Manny are walking and talking. Manny: So...did you get your poetry done? Emma: No. Manny: It's due today. Emma: I know. But some stuff came up with my mom. Manny: Serious stuff? (To a kid she bumped into) Sorry. Emma: She wanted to talk to me about her new boyfriend. Manny: And you didn't call me? Who is it? They see Mr. Simpson, with gum stuck to his shoe. Snake: Got myself a bit of a uh sticky situation here. (They walk past him) Emma: That's who. Simpson. My mom is seeing Simpson. Manny: What? Emma: It's no big deal, really. Manny: Em, your mom is dating your teacher. That is huge. Emma: I know. And I'd like you to keep it quiet, ok? I'm fine with this. And you can be too. Video Announcement Guy: And Liberty says get you red shoes on... Liberty: And dance the blues, this afternoon's eighties dance for the junior class will be held in the caf , at 2:30, with Mr. Simpson presiding. Guy: The senior dance will be at 7:00 in the gym with DJ's Mad Dog and Billy from Kiss 92 presiding. Oh, get your freak on for the break dancing contest. First prize: ring side tickets to a leaf game. (It goes to Mr. Simpson's class as he talks. When he's done, the bell rings) Spinner: (To Jimmy) Those leaf tickets belong to us. (They high five) Snake: Hope you guys have a great time busting a move tonight. Spinner: My break dancing CD, the ultimate. Jimmy: Oh, my eighties outfit, even more the ultimate. As you will witness tonight. Spinner: My hip-hop collection rules. Best old school mix ever. Paige: Guys, like take a downer. Eighties dance, remember? Spinner: Anyway, we've got all the moves. Leafs, here we... (We hear music playing and then we see Marco in the hall break dancing) Paige: Well, um, you could always buy tickets. Spinner: Come on, sure Marco's good, but he can he bust moves like this? (Spinner starts break dancing badly) Jimmy: Uh, Spinner? Not here, ok? (Jimmy and Paige walk away) Paige: Ok, I saw better dancing at Heather Sinclair's grade 3 sock hop. Do you want to win this contest? Jimmy: Of course I do. Paige: Then two words: go solo. (Paige leaves. Jimmy looks at his CD) Media Immersion Snake: So, for your weekend assignment, find a few examples of flash animation on the web. Don't forget to e-mail the URL to your D mail... Manny: I thought him and your mom were friends. What changed? Emma: She had a thing for him back in high school. Rekindled love? Manny: I can totally see your mom going for him. He is kind of cute. Emma: Yeah, for an old guy. Manny: He's got a nice smile. Emma: And he's tall. That's always good. Manny: He's funny. And he's cool, in his dorky Mr. Simpson way. (The bell rings) Snake: Hey guys, looking forward to the junior back to the future dance this afternoon? I'll be working the turn table. (Everyone starts to leave, but he stops Emma) Emma. Um, I just wanted to, you know, check in with you. Emma: I'm good, thanks. Snake: Because your mom told me, you know, that you talked, and, I just don't want things to be awkward. Emma: I'm fine. Snake: Emma, are you un-happy with this situation with me and your mom? Emma: (Shakes her head) No, I think it's great. Snake: Really? Emma: 100 %. Wow look at the time. I've gotta go. (She and Manny leave) In the hall Manny: What was that? Emma: He wanted to "check in" with me. This whole thing is getting really confusing and weird and I can't get my head around it. (Emma is not looking and almost hits Craig) Craig: Hey Emma. Emma: Craig. Sorry. Craig: So, uh, you two going to the dance tonight? Manny: Can't. Seniors only. Sean: Tell me about it. Craig: Oh yeah, sorry Junior. Sean: Thanks for rubbing it in. You know how much I love spending lame nights at home alone. (Sean leaves) Emma: Manny and I are having a girls' night with my mom. Craig: Nice. Well, uh, maybe next year. (Craig leaves) Manny: It's so obvious Craig likes you. Emma: You think? (Manny nods) P.A.: Attention students. The junior dance is starting now in the cafeteria. Hall Spinner: You think Max will talk to us? Jimmy: No, he's got to focus on his game, right? Um, The Leafs focus on their own strengths, right? So, maybe we should, too. Like, say, I do the dancing, you do them music. Spinner: You don't want me to break? Jimmy: No, no. Just... Spinner: Just what? You're jealous. You want the spotlight all to yourself. Jimmy: Spin, you...you move like a wounded polar bear, buddy. I...I'm sorry. Spinner: Yeah, I get it. I can't dance 'cause I'm white. Jimmy: That's not what I'm saying. Spinner: Yes it is. Polar bear's are white, I'm white. And you're racist. Jimmy: What are you talking...? Okay, I'm not saying you can't dance 'cause white. I'm saying you can't dance 'cause you suck. Spinner: Fine. I'm going solo. You're fired. Jimmy: You can't fire me. I'm going solo. Enjoy the leafs game, on TV. (As he talks, Spinner leaves) The Cafeteria - The Junior Dance Eighties music is playing and people are dancing or talking or standing around JT: Can't believe this is actually considered cool. Toby: I don't know. I think I look pretty good. JT: I think you look like a big retro loser. Toby: Shut up. (He hits JT) JT: Hey! (He hits him back) They walk past Manny and Emma Toby: Hey ladies. JT: What's up? Toby: Wanna dance? (Holds out his hand) Emma: This is what the junior is dance is all about. Serious immaturity. Snake: Now here's a hot little eighties retro number from my very own band, The Zit Remedy. (As he talks he talks with a British accent. After he talks the song plays) Emma: Uh! I hate that stupid song. Liberty: Wow, Em. You hate everything today. Emma: No. Just Simpson's taste in music. Snake: Thought I saw you girls playing wallflower by the door. Liberty: This girl she likes to party all the time. Snake: Get on in. How about you guys? Come in and get down? Emma: We're more like gonna get lost. (Emma and Manny leave) The Nelson's Spike is getting ready to go out as Emma and Manny come in. When Emma first talks, she is off screen. Emma: Mom! Spike: I'm in here! Emma: Can you feel the excitement? Girls' night is just minutes away. Manny: We've got romance, suspense... Emma: A whole range of empty calories. (Sees Spike) And a dress code? Spike: I'm so sorry. I completely forgot. Mr. Simpson called. He lucked into last minute Elvis Costello tickets. And as you know, we both live for Elvis. Emma: Great. Have fun. Spike: I'm sorry. I was excited. We can reschedule, okay? Emma: Unless, of course, another antique eighties singer rolls into town. Spike: So how was your dance? Emma: It sucked. Thanks to the DJ. Spike: Wasn't Mr. Simpson DJ-ing? Emma: That's sort of my point. Spike: Well I'm sure he tried his best. Have fun tonight. I won't be late. After she leaves, Emma throws something. Manny: It's no big deal, Em. Emma: Not to her. You know what? We deserve some excitement too. What do you say we crash the seniors dance? Manny: Oh yes! Emma's room Manny is getting ready in front of a mirror. Emma comes in the room, spraying her hair. Manny: Wow. You look just like your mom in her high school photo. Emma: No, I don't. I look like Cindi Lauper. Manny shows Emma her mom's picture and we sees Emma does look kind of like her. Emma: Ugh. I'm changing. Manny: No, don't. You look great. Emma: You're right. When she was my age my mom was totally cool. She didn't date dweebs like Mr. Simpson. Manny: She dated guys like Craig. Emma: She wishes. Manny: No, but you do. (Makes fun of Emma) "Oh, Craig. I love your eyes. And your hair. And your smile." Emma: We are so gonna have fun tonight. Manny: We are so gonna see Craig tonight. (They start jumping on the bed) Joey's Craig, dressed for the dance, hops down the stairs and sees Joey on the couch Craig: I thought you had a date tonight. Joey: I did. She canceled on me. Story of my life. Who are you supposed to be? Craig: Sid Vicious. Joey: Who? Craig: Sid Vicious, from the s*x Pistols. You weren't too hip back in the '80s, were you, Joey? Joey: Oh, you wanna see hip? Oh I'll show you hip. Oh yeah. (He gets up and goes to a closet) So you got a hot date for tonight? Got someone special? Craig: Yeah, there is this one girl. But, uh, she won't be coming tonight. Joey: Looks like we both have bad luck tonight. (He gives Craig his hat) That's what I'm talking about. Wouldn't be an '80s dance without this. (Throws it to Craig) Craig: This is your definition of hip? Joey: Hip and cool. Trust me. Craig: (Puts it on) Not so sure I want to. (Then he takes it off and looks at it) '80s Dance Kids are arriving. Manny: This is so cool. We are so cool. They keep walking when Emma ducks. Emma: Raditch alert! (They run over to bushes and hid) Paige and Hazel walk up to some friends. Paige: Hey! You didn't even dress up. These gloves are so totally rad. Ashley and Terri approach. Ashley: Hi guys. Paige: Gross me green, like totally. (She and Hazel leave, shortly after Terri and Ashley go inside) Emma: There's Craig. Both: Craig! Manny: Over here! Craig: Hey look, valley girls. What are you doing here? Manny: We want to crash the dance. Craig: Cool. Emma: But we sorta need your help. Craig: (Looks at Raditch) Meet me at the east door, 10 minutes. Both: Yes! Inside Paige and their friends are walking by Spinner, who is break dancing. He stops as they walk by. Paige: Groddy. For sure. Hazel: Nice moves, Spin Spinner: Ladies, you want moves? I'll show you moves. (He follows them. When he leaves, Jimmy turns off the stereo and switches Spinner's CD. Jimmy walks down the hall into the dance. He is dressed like Michael Jackson. Before going in, he does a little spin move.) East Door Craig goes to the door and lets Emma and Manny in. Manny: This is so exciting I could burst. Emma: Manny, Shh! Craig: Keep your heads down, okay? If Raditch sees us, we're busted. They walk and open a door. They look through another door and see Raditch. Manny: Raditch! He hears the door shut and goes to where they are. Craig: Come on. (They move away from the door and go hide. Raditch opens the door but doesn't see anything so he shuts the door and leaves) '80s Dance It's the gym. '80s music is playing as people dance. Mad dog: Hey, what's up, Degrassi? We're Mad dog and Billy from Kiss 92. Billy: And we're spending all night in the '80s before you was even babies. Spinner: (To Marco) You are going down, homie. I am so pumped, I can nail this. (He sees Jimmy kissing girls' hands) Check it out. Jimmy: So who are you supposed to be, Vanilla Ice? Spinner: Ooh! Who are you supposed to be, Michael Jackson? Paige: Um, yeah, Spin. He is. Spinner: Oh. Well, how are you supposed to break in that get up? Who's the dumb one now? Jimmy: Uh, you are. Still. (Holds up his backpack) See, these are for break dancing. You may have the grooves, but um, (spins around) do you have the moves? (He walks away) The camera goes to people dancing. It shows Marco break dancing. [SCENE_BREAK] Locker room Jimmy goes in and puts his pack down. When he leaves, Spinner takes it. Dance Craig enters with Emma and Manny. They run in. Emma: We did it. We're in. Manny: The seniors dance. Most fun ever. They look over at Craig. He tips his hat to them before walking away. Billy: All right everybody. It is time for the break dancing competition. First prize is this: a pair of primo gold seats to an upcoming Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game. Mad dog: That's right. First up we have Jimmy Brooks. Jimmy? Jimmy: What did you do with my clothes? Spinner: Clothes? What clothes? Mad dog: Jimmy? Any day now, Jimmy. He goes over. Everyone cheers. He gives them his CD, which they put on. When it starts to play, he goes in the middle of the room and starts to dance. When he bends down, his pants rip. Everyone laughs. For a second, he stands there and then he runs away. Mad dog: That gives a whole new meaning to doing a moon walk. Anyway, next up we have Spinner Mason. Spinner? Bring in on, Spinner. He goes up and gives them his CD. Music is playing, but it's not his music. It's some kind of ballad song with no words. Spinner: Party people, get ready for some serious tunage. (Everyone claps) That's not my music. Billy: Dance....dance...dance... (Everyone chimes in with him. It goes to a close up of his face) Dance It first shows Ashley, sitting alone, not dancing. It goes to other people, dancing. As Emma and Manny are dancing, Craig is watching. Mad dog: All right, it's slow time, for all you couples out there. Here's one of my favorites. (The song starts to play) Emma starts walking, when Craig approaches her and Manny. Manny: (Whispering to Emma) Craig's coming right this way. Emma: Hey Craig. Craig: Emma, Manny. You, uh, you having fun? Emma: (Nods) Yeah. Manny: I haven't had this much fun since, well, ever. (She laughs) Craig: Well, great. Manny: Great. Craig: Yeah, so. Manny. You wanna dance? Manny: Me? Craig: Yeah. Emma: Yeah. Great. You two dance. I'll stand here. They go on the dance floor. As they dance, Manny looks at Emma. Emma looks sad watching them, so she leaves. Outside Emma walks home. When she gets there, she sees Spike and Snake kissing good night on the porch. She clears her throat and they stop. Spike: Emma. What are you doing out here? You should be in bed. Emma: Really? So should you two. (She storms inside) Spike: Emma! She shuts the door and runs up to her room, crying. Outside Degrassi Jimmy is sitting on a bench. Spinner comes up to him and gives him his stuff. Jimmy: I can't believe you did that to me. Spinner: Well, can't believe you did that to me. (He sits down) Marco walks by with some girls, showing off that he won the contest. Spinner: Can't believe Marco. Jimmy: Yup, he got the tickets, he's got the girls, what have we got? Spinner: Painful and humiliating memories. Emma's She is lying on her bed when her mom comes in. Emma: Have you ever heard of knocking? Spike: Have you ever heard of manners? Emma: I'm not the one playing tonsil hokey on our front steps. Spike: What Archie and I do together is none of your business. And you were supposed to be at home, not dressed up like me at some dance. Emma: I'm not you, I'm Cindi Lauper. Spike: I don't care who you are. You were way out of line tonight. Emma: Me, out of line? What about you not telling me about Simpson? Spike: I did tell you. Emma: Yeah, when it was too late. Spike: Is it so wrong that I finally found someone I care about? Emma: Yes. Spike: Why? Emma: Because you've got me. Spike: Em, you'll always be the most important person in my life. Just Snake and I are dating doesn't mean things between us are gonna change. Emma: It's not true. Things are already changing. You and Manny. Spike: Manny? Emma: We both liked this guy, we both thought he liked me. Spike: And he liked her. Emma: I felt like such an idiot. Spike: I'm sure she didn't plan it, Em. Neither did I. Nice work on the 'do. Emma: You did this every single day? Spike: Imagine. So are you gonna be okay with this? Simpson and me? Emma: I'm not sure. Spike: That's okay.

Spike tells Emma she's dating her old schoolmate--Emma's teacher, Mr. Simpson. After Spike cancels a girls' night with Emma to be with him, Craig helps Emma and Manny crash the seniors' '80s dance. Meanwhile, Spinner and Jimmy find themselves competing against each other in the break-dancing contest.

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EXT. HOSPITAL LOADING AREA - DAY BIELSMAN: When you say you're sure, how sure are you? PATTERSON: Sure enough, that if you don't ask her out by tomorrow, I'm gonna start spiking your coffee with testosterone, man. BIELSMAN: Yeah, but what if you're wrong? PATTERSON: J.B., trust me. The girl's into you. BIELSMAN: Be careful! PATTERSON: Oh, relax. This guy's a Marine. Or at least he was before he deployed himself through his windshield. BIELSMAN: So what do I say to her? PATTERSON: I don't know. What do I look like, the Cyrano what's-his-face guy? Go with your gut. You got the release? BIELSMAN: Didn't you get it? PATTERSON: You know, on second thought, maybe you better not go with your gut. (SFX: VAN DOORS CLOSE) (SFX: VAN ENGINE ATTEMPTS TO TURN OVER) BIELSMAN: So where should I take her? PATTERSON: I'm going to start charging for advice, you know. Oh, there she is. Do you smell that? (SFX: VAN ENGINE STARTS) BIELSMAN: Gas. (SFX: VAN STOPS) BIELSMAN: Oh, no. (SHOUTS) Get out! Get out! Get out! Go! Go! Go! Go! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/EMTS RUN FROM THE VAN) (SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION) (MUSIC OUT) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES / CREDITS AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY (SFX: COMPUTER DING TONES/ KEYBOARDING) ZIVA: What are you doing? TONY: I'm in the middle of a very serious negotiation. ZIVA: On McGee's computer? TONY: I know where you're going with this and the answer's yes. ZIVA: Then what's the question? TONY: Have I no shame? ZIVA: Who are you IMing? Agent Larsen? And she thinks you're McGee? (CHUCKLES) And this is because she warned you that if you spoke to her again, she would have you brought up on sexual harassment charges? TONY: That was a misunderstanding. ZIVA: Oh, so now you're correcting the record. TONY: I'm just trying to let her know that I... McGee feels that she may have misjudged me. And, that as a close, personal friend, I can-- ZIVA: Vouch for Tony's strength of character.(SFX: ZIVA LAUGHS) TONY: I don't have much time. She's being reassigned in two days. ZIVA: Yeah, well you'll be reassigned if Gibbs catches you. GIBBS: Doing what? ZIVA: We were looking at McGee's bookmarks, trying to get an idea for a... TONY: Birthday present? MCGEE: Morning. TONY: Happy birthday, Probie. Have a bagel. MCGEE: It's not my birthday. GIBBS: Grab your gear. Medical transport just exploded. (SFX: KISS) TONY: Any day now, Probie! MCGEE: Yep. Sorry. I just got the strangest IM. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY TONY: (V.O.) She asked you out? You?! MCGEE: Trust me. I'm just as surprised as you are. TONY: Trust me. You're not. ZIVA: Blast radius indicates a low-yield detonation. TONY: Did she say why? MCGEE: Ah, it said that she liked the loyalty I showed my coworkers. ZIVA: Pyrolysis on the pavement suggests an oh-two was the primary accelerant. MCGEE: Even if they were total scum. I have no idea what she was referring to. I'll tell you, though. I did not realize she was paying so much attention to me. TONY: Do you want to tell the Probie or should I? ZIVA: How about neither? Why don't you just focus on the work? TONY: Yeah. I noticed you've morphed into quite the forensic expert. ZIVA: I'm Israeli. This isn't my first exploding ambulance. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY PATTERSON: We left the van unattended four, maybe five minutes, tops. BIELSMAN: As soon as Patto hit the brakes... PATTERSON: The whole thing exploded into flames. BIELSMAN: I think someone's trying to kill us. PATTERSON: Would you please stop that, JB? It was... it was an accident. GIBBS: Who's trying to kill you? BIELSMAN: Who knows? There's a lot of weirdos out there. GIBBS: Tell me about it. Talk to me, Duck. DUCKY: Lance Corporal William Danforth, Junior. Survived IEDs in Iraq, RPGs in Afghanistan. Unfortunately, the local odocoileus virginianus was too much to bear. JIMMY: That's a white-tailed deer... GIBBS: Yeah. I know. Are you saying Bambi killed this Marine, Ducky? DUCKY: No. But swerving at sixty miles an hour into a tree to avoid Bambi did. JIMMY: His girlfriend is still in a coma at the hospital. DUCKY: Danforth was D.O.A. when they brought him in last night. This morning he was on his way to Bethesda for a routine autopsy when fate intervened. GIBBS: Fate? DUCKY: No, the scorching of the body is consistent with a gasoline fire accelerated by onboard oxygen. This could have been an accident, Jethro. Lucky for those two to get out. GIBBS: Yeah. Lucky in a way I don't like. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: (SINGING) Good morning. Good morning! Good morning. Good... good morning, to you! You! You! You! Good - ooh. What's that? (SFX: BEEP TONE) ZIVA: Looks like an iPod. TONY: iPod photo. ZIVA: Anyone who might have possibly had a motive to try to kill them... TONY: Either has an alibi or is out of town. Way ahead of you. ZIVA: You could have told me and saved me the trouble. TONY: Just say you need the practice and leave it at that. What kind of music does the McGee listen to? Ooh, Barry Manilow. Julie Andrews? Zamfir? Let's go to photos. ZIVA: What are you doing? TONY: Well, McGee had a date with Agent Larsen last night. He didn't return any of my emails about a sit-rep. But maybe he took some photos. ZIVA: Those are his private photos. TONY: Well, he left them on his public desk. Oh! Where's the clicker? Ah, who is this? ZIVA: Well, it's definitely not Agent Larsen. TONY: It's gotta be his sister. ZIVA: Why? TONY: Are you kidding? This girl's way out of McGeek's league. ZIVA: I don't think the drivers were the target, Tony. Um... I actually think it was the body. TONY: Why blow up a dead guy? GIBBS: Put it back up there. TONY: Put what back?(SFX: GIBBS HITS TONY) GIBBS: McGee's got good taste. Going for coffee.(SFX: GIBBS HITS ZIVA) ZIVA: Ow! What was that for? GIBBS: Alerting DiNozzo. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY ABBY: The fuel line to the gas tank cap was ruptured here. Torn by a loose belt on the differential housing. GIBBS: Loosened how? ABBY: Unknown. The van also had a short in the electrical system. Coincidentally in the taillight right by our ruptured fuel line. GIBBS: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs. ABBY: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs. So one would wonder... accident or not an accident? That is the question. Our first player... an innocent differential housing bolt that is rubbing and straining on the molecular bonds of our vulcanized fuel line. Until, after eons, our hapless hose finally ruptures. The gas moves quickly into the floorboard of the van when it's in motion. The driver smells it... what could it be? He hits the brakes, and the short in the taillight ignites the pooling gas vapors! The flames quickly super-heat the onboard oh-two and when the canisters can no longer contain the growing pressure... KABOOM!` GIBBS: Not an accident. ABBY: Not unless that Angel of Death is going through a Rube Goldberg stage. MCGEE: Boss, we found remnants of what may have been the trigger on an oh-two canister. GIBBS: May have been, McGee? ABBY: There were traces of mercury fulminate, sodium azide and tetryl on the material. GIBBS: Blasting cap. MCGEE: The oh-two would never have blown on its own. The fire wasn't hot enough. ABBY: The perp rigged the transport to make it look like an accident. MCGEE: And he might've gotten away with it if he'd detonated it sooner. The fire dispersed pieces of the trigger. GIBBS: He waited for the drivers to get out. MCGEE: So he's not a murderer. At least, he wasn't trying to kill the ambulance drivers. GIBBS: Trace it. ABBY: Gibbs, this is a garden-variety laminated paper substrate! It's used as a cheap shielding in thousands of electronic devices! GIBBS: Yeah, so? ABBY: So maybe I should get back to work? GIBBS: Did we get a positive match on our Marine's DNA? ABBY: You know, I've been a little busy here, Gibbs, with all the rubbing and the looking and the analyzing and the.... I should mention that Ducky is taking care of it. (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE) DUCKY: (V.O.) I haven't seen a body this... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: ....badly burned since the Bertram Mill's Circus. Specimen jar. Mister Palmer? JIMMY: Sorry, Doctor. I'm just having a problem with this smell today. DUCKY: Really? I think he smells like my mother's fried chicken. JIMMY: That would be the problem. DUCKY: Oh, I see. Well, the vegetarian lifestyle has been medically proven to be the healthiest of choices. Perhaps it's time you made the jump. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: You wanted to see me, Duck? DUCKY: Well, actually, yes, Jethro. GIBBS: Then why do you look surprised to see me? DUCKY: Because I haven't told you that, that I wanted to see you. Yes. Well, our... our latest houseguest has thrown us quite a little mystery. GIBBS: Define mystery. DUCKY: Yeah, well, the young lad's death certificate lists blunt force thoracic trauma as the cause of death - typical in motor vehicle accidents. But I've only partially been able to verify that. Since, as you can see, the post mortem damage is extensive. GIBBS: Ducky? DUCKY: Yes? GIBBS: Mystery? DUCKY: Of course. Well, you know me, Jethro. I attempted to make an identification myself. The blast destroyed his jaw and shattered his teeth. It would take an inordinate amount of time to get an identification from dental records. Also, the fire so degraded his DNA that, you know, I spent the better part of yesterday scouring his body. GIBBS: Mystery. DUCKY: Ah... almost there. By a stroke of luck, I found a piece of tissue viable enough to send to have run against Danforth's DNA, at the Armed Forces Repository. GIBBS: This isn't William Danforth, Junior. DUCKY: Uh-uh. GIBBS: Then who is this? DUCKY: That, my dear Jethro, is the mystery. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: Lance Corporal Danforth's pro and cons were five oh five oh. A real squirreled-away Marine. So what'd you find, Tony? (SHOUTS) Tony! TONY: Huh? Zamfir. It's the Master of the Pan Flute. It's helping me think. ZIVA: What are you thinking? TONY: I'm thinking that there are a lot of reasons for post-mortem mutilation you're over-looking, besides hiding a suspicious cause of death. ZIVA: Such as? TONY: Such as enraged acts of violence, sadistic curiosity. GIBBS: Trying to hide the real identity of the victim. TONY: That was the next one on my list. ZIVA: Is his identity in question? GIBBS: Yeah, it is now. Tony, get me a copy of that-- TONY: The names of the cops who processed Danforth's crime scene report. Already on its way, Boss. GIBBS: Ziva, take me through-- ZIVA: Have a chat with the doctor who pronounced the body dead. Find out who made the I.D. TONY: TONY: Hey, you want me to go and supervise that, Boss? Actually, no, I'll stay here just in case you need me. (CONT.) Ooh! Zamfir. I'm not saying you need me. That's a bad word. Need's the wrong word. Oh! Uh, the Director needs to see you in her office ASAP. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. OUTER OFFICE - DAY (DOOR OPENS) (SFX: TELEPHONE BEEP TONES) CYNTHIA: I was just going to tell the Director you're here. GIBBS: Cynthia. Did you know that when a Roman emperor made a triumphal march into Rome, he had a slave on his chariot who... CYNTHIA: Who whispered, "You're only human" into his ear? GIBBS: Going in unannounced is whispering into her ear. CYNTHIA: So you're the Director's slave? (DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY SHEPARD: Cynthia is there to direct traffic, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: I'm just responding to your ASAP, Director. SHEPARD: This is Lance Corporal Danforth's father, William. GIBBS: My sympathies, Mister Danforth. DANFORTH: Thank you, Agent Gibbs. SHEPARD: The SECNAV would like us to keep Mister Danforth in the loop throughout the entire investigation. GIBBS: More than usual? SHEPARD: Yes. DANFORTH: Gordo and I served together in Beirut, Agent Gibbs. And quite frankly, I'm using that friendship. Wouldn't you? SHEPARD: He would. GIBBS: Sixth or eighth? DANFORTH: Two six. Fox Company. GIBBS: One one. Scout Sniper Platoon. DANFORTH: Beirut? GIBBS: Desert Storm. DANFORTH: So what can you tell me about my son, Agent Gibbs? GIBBS: Jethro.(DOOR CLOSES) DANFORTH: Bill. GIBBS: Only what I read in the hospital and police reports. SHEPARD: Mister Danforth has seen those. He's asking how his son's body was incinerated. GIBBS: It wasn't. AFIS couldn't match the body in autopsy with Lance Corporal Danforth's DNA. SHEPARD: You're saying that it isn't Mister Danforth's son? GIBBS: Not according to AFIS. DANFORTH: Could there be a mistake? GIBBS: One in nine million. SHEPARD: Have Abby rerun the DNA. GIBBS: Already on it, Director. SHEPARD: Well, if it's not Lance Corporal Danforth, who the hell is it? GIBBS: I'll let you know when I find out. DANFORTH: What should I tell his mother? GIBBS: I wouldn't tell her anything yet. DANFORTH: Right. My numbers. Director Shepard, I'll tell Gordo how cooperative you've been. SHEPARD: The least we could do. GIBBS: Hey Bill. Did you identify your son's body? DANFORTH: No. The police notified us that he had died. Said his body was being shipped to Bethesda. Do you think Billy... could still be alive? GIBBS: I think the hospital transported the wrong body. (DOOR OPENS) (DANFORTH WALKS O.S.) (DOOR CLOSES) SHEPARD: Bull. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY DOBSON: The Marine from two nights ago, Danforth? Yeah, I remember him. MCGEE: Are you the one who treated him? DOBSON: Treated? No. Unfortunately all I did was pronounce him dead, Agent McGee. It's hard to believe it's the same kid. ZIVA: Why is that? DOBSON: He was a mess. Heavy contusions to the cranium. Pronounced facial lacerations. Half his skull caved in. ZIVA: Who ID'd his body? DOBSON: A buddy gave us the tentative I.D. and we also pulled his license from his wallet. MCGEE: Does his buddy have a name? DOBSON: I can do better than that. He's in I.C.U. room five. ZIVA: The police report didn't mention anything about a third injured party, Doctor. DOBSON: That's because he wasn't injured, Officer David. He's visiting. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. I.C.U. ROOM - DAY MERRILL: (READS) "Our souls are like those orphans whose unwedded mothers die in bearing them; the secret of our pa... pat..." ZIVA: Paternity lies in their graves and we must there to learn it. MCGEE: Herman Melville, Moby Dick. ZIVA: Call me "Ishmael." MERRILL: It's her favorite book. The doctors said it might help. It's helping give me a headache. You're Rebecca's relatives? MCGEE: Ah, no. NCIS. MERRILL: Corporal Merrill, Sir! MCGEE: At ease, Marine. ZIVA: We're only here to ask you a few questions. MERRILL: Oh, of course, Sir. I mean, Ma'am. (ZIVA WALKS O.S.) MCGEE: She doesn't like being called Ma'am. It's okay. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY MERRILL: Is this about Billy, Ma - Miss? ZIVA: If you mean Lance Corporal Danforth, yes. MCGEE: We understand that you I.D.ed his body. MERRILL: Tried to. Billy's face was all mashed up. ZIVA: How did you know it was him? MERRILL: Who else could it be? He was in his car with Rebecca. At least he was last time I saw him. ZIVA: Which was? MERRILL: The night he was killed. MCGEE: Feel free to elaborate. MERRILL: Huh? ZIVA: Tell us about that night. MERRILL: Uh... Billy had just landed stateside after his second tour in Iraq. So me, him and Rebecca, Billy's girlfriend, we were out celebrating at the Gold Monkey. MCGEE: Celebrating meaning drinking? MERRILL: Not me, Sir. Billy was. Even though he shouldn't because.... he just shouldn't. I made Rebecca drive him home 'cause he looked pretty bad, like he was going to puke or something. MCGEE: You're a good friend. MERRILL: Me and Billy have been buds since he was this big. He was the only one who never made fun of my stutter. ZIVA: You saw Lance Corporal Danforth get into the car? MERRILL: I put him in it. Like I said, he was p-pretty drunk. I went back inside the bar for maybe half an hour. When I left, I ... I p-passed the accident on my way home. The cops were already there. Said Billy's car hit a t-t... MCGEE: It's okay, Corporal. We read the police report. MERRILL: He was just lying there all ... broken and b...bent up. They were trying to s-save him, but I just knew. I knew he was... the doctor said he probably didn't feel anything. Do you think he was telling the truth? Or was he just trying to make me feel better? Doctors do that... don't they? MCGEE: Well, in my experiences, E.R. doctors, they usually tell it like it is. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BASKETBALL COURT - DAY (SFX: LOUD MUSIC B.G.) (F/X BASKETBALL GAME B.G.) TONY: Definitely moving. Definitely moving. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Who's your daddy now? (MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY FALLS TO THE GROUND) GIBBS: Are you having fun, DiNozzo? TONY: All done interviewing Danforth's C.O. GIBBS: Are you done interviewing his platoon? TONY: Nothing builds rapport like a good game of ball. Thanks, guys! (PASSAGE OF TIME) TONY: The guys said Danforth was a top Marine. But the word is, he only joined 'cause his father was a Marine. Ah! Ah! Oooh.... a little looser, please. My toes have gotten used to the whole blood thing. Circulation. GIBBS: DiNozzo.... TONY: The word also is that he was inseparable with another Marine ... a Corporal ... GIBBS: Kenneth Merrill. TONY: Yeah. GIBBS: Followed Danforth into the Corps on the buddy program. CORPSMAN: Of course he did. That guy is as loyal as a Saint Bernard. TONY: Would you just focus, please? And I'm starting to lose feeling in my pinky toe. Does that look right? (TO GIBBS) Apparently he was as loyal as a Saint Bernard. GIBBS: According to the C.O., the Corps worked out pretty well for him. TONY: Oh, yeah. He got into boxing, got his first girlfriend, and get this... it turns out he had a knack for disarming IEDs. His platoon called him the - CORPSMAN: The Forrest Gump of explosives. TONY: I'm not trying to do your job, am I? CORPSMAN: Put an ice pack on that. Fifteen on, fifteen off. TONY: Yeah, I know the drill. Thanks, Corpsman. (CORPSMAN WALKS O.S.) TONY: Oh, that's real swollen. I don't think I'm going to be able to walk on this thing, Boss. Ah! Look at that. Look, it's a miracle. GIBBS: Yeah, loyal as a Saint Bernard. TONY: I always wanted to get one of those until I found out they didn't come with that barrel of whiskey around their neck. You're wondering if Merrill helped his buddy fake his own death to get out of the Corps? GIBBS: No. I'm wondering who they got to play the part of the dead body. (CUT TO BLACK) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY ZIVA: (V.O.) You really think Lance Corporal Danforth faked his own death? TONY: You got a better theory? MCGEE: Actually, we do, Tony. SHEPARD: I'd like to hear it, Agent McGee. And yours as well, Agent DiNozzo. (LONG BEAT) Both preferably sometime today. ZIVA: We think Corporal Merrill may have killed Danforth, Director. SHEPARD: Why? ZIVA: Merrill conveniently forgot to tell us about the fight they had the night Danforth was killed. SHEPARD: A fight over what? TONY: Gibbs is not gonna like this. SHEPARD: Is there a problem, Agent McGee? MCGEE: Uh, no. No, Ma'am. Merrill claims that he was trying to stop him from drinking and driving. According to the bartender, they broke two tables and a chair over it. SHEPARD: Sounds like more than two good friends fighting to me. ZIVA: I agree. Merrill also passed Danforth's accident on the way home. He could easily have finished him off. MCGEE: Merrill goes to hide the body. When he comes back to clean up, cops are already on the scene. SHEPARD: What about the other body? ZIVA: There was a third party in the car. We only have Corporal Merrill's word that the two of them drove off. TONY: (QUIETLY) No way! Wrong! MCGEE: Merrill shows up at the hospital, confirms the false I.D. SHEPARD: Then later goes back, torches the ambulance before the real I.D. can be made. TONY: Okay, I'm sorry. I've got... I've got to interrupt because ...here's the thing. I have a theory that actually has motive, which might be helpful. I don't mean to belittle my colleagues' efforts. I seem to feel Lance Corporal Danforth didn't hit a deer. He hit Ducky's John Doe. Stick with me here. He's drunk, right? Wasted. Looking five to ten for manslaughter. So he switches the John Doe with his body, then skips town. Right? And then he has his buddy Corporal Merrill come along and torch the evidence. That's how it happened. Pretty simple. It's really just detective work connecting the dots - hey, Boss. The Director wanted - she wanted.... GIBBS: With me. TONY: Okay.(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL WALK UP STAIRS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS INTO THE OFFICE AND SITS AT THE DESK) SHEPARD: Dramatic, but duly noted, Agent Gibbs. I get it.(DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. STAIRCASE - DAY (DOOR OPENS) TONY: That wasn't the way it looked, boss. GIBBS: I know. TONY: The Director kind of suckered me into that deal. GIBBS: Ziva caved first. ZIVA: I didn't cave in! I was trying... GIBBS: McGee next. MCGEE: Boss, it wasn't what it looked-- GIBBS: And my loyal Saint Bernard held out 'till last. TONY: Well, I think... GIBBS: Probably all of thirty seconds. So what is my team, can I call you my team? ZIVA: Yes! MCGEE: Yes, Boss! GIBBS: What are you going to do now? ZIVA: Well, I think we should -- MCGEE: We could uh... GIBBS: Solve the case! Tony, you impound Danforth's car. Have Abby see if it hit anything besides the tree. Then you and McGee go to the original crash site. McGee, I want an agent standing by Rebecca Crawford's room to get a... MCGEE: A statement the second she wakes up, Boss. You got it. ZIVA: And I'm with you, yes? GIBBS: I don't know, Ziva. Are you? ZIVA: Definitely. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. TRAINING CLASSROOM - DAY MERRILL: The improvised explosive device, gentlemen. The weapon of choice in Iraq and Afghanistan. The problem is spotting them when they look something like this. Now these are just a few of the I.E.D. configurations I encountered on my last pump in Iraq. Today I'm going to teach you how to locate, disarm, or if need be, blow them all in place. Corporal, you got it. Take over. They're yours. CORPORAL: (V.O.) You got it, Corporal Merrill. Give me a holler. MERRILL: Can I help you, Sir? ZIVA: Did you know that lying to a Federal investigator is a crime? MERRILL: I didn't lie. GIBBS: What was the fight in the Gold Monkey about? MERRILL: Billy was drunk, Sir. I tried to take his car keys away and he started swinging. I guess I didn't try... hard enough. ZIVA: You told me you placed him inside the car. MERRILL: I did. Billy must have made B-Becca pull over. I should have... have... GIBBS: You should have taken him home yourself? MERRILL: Yeah. Billy's dead because of... m-me. ZIVA: Are you sure he's dead? GIBBS: The burned body isn't Lance Corporal Danforth. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ACCIDENT SITE - DAY MCGEE: Enough, already! You know I'm not the type to kiss and tell. TONY: Kiss? I heard from a reliable source that you were out with Agent Larsen last night until about two a.m. MCGEE: Who told you that? TONY: I have information you want. You have information I want. Shall we dance? MCGEE: Forget it. TONY: Real men always kiss and tell. MCGEE: Okay, so what are we looking for that the cops didn't already find? TONY: They thought it was an accident. But they were not using the honed eye of a highly trained Federal agent. Probie, bring one of those numbers. MCGEE: Prescription bottle of ibuprofen. TONY: Grunt candy, a Marine's best friend. Must've been thrown from Danforth's car. MCGEE: So? TONY: So it belonged to Corporal Merrill. And there's blood on it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Come on. Say it. ZIVA: Say what? TONY: "You were right, Tony." You'll be the bigger woman for it. I'll just have to content myself being the.... well, the righter one. ZIVA: Woman? TONY: You know what I mean. I found Merrill's scrip at the scene which means they were in it together. And the DiNozzo Body Swap Theory takes the lead! ZIVA: What if he dropped it while killing Danforth? GIBBS: Abby found Danforth's blood all over the windshield and hood. ZIVA: So much for your body swap theory, Tony. TONY: I've seen more than a few people survive the windshield taste test, Ziva! ZIVA: Give it up, Tony. You said Merrill was the Forrest Gump of explosives. Who else had the equipment and expertise to blow up the ambulance? GIBBS: Ziva's right. Bring him in. TONY: You're feeling pretty smug, aren't you? ZIVA: Oh, yes. Very. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY SHEPARD: So what's bugging that famous gut now? Yes, you're that easy to read. I learned how to speak Gibbs a long time ago.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) GIBBS: Are you going to Abby's lab or autopsy? SHEPARD: Abby's. GIBBS: Not to work my case? SHEPARD: I have the right to dig into any NCIS investigation that I want to. GIBBS: Not mine. Unless you want me behind your desk again. Of course, you could just observe and keep quiet. (SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) SHEPARD: Fine. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: As you know, this is the only piece of the trigger I found. SHEPARD: (LONG BEAT) I'm not really here. ABBY: Do you know how long I've been waiting to cross over into an alternate dimension?! GIBBS: Well, you're still here, Abs. For now. What is this? MCGEE: That's laminated paper substrate, Boss. Found in any number of electronic devices. ABBY: Unfortunately, I couldn't find a trace of a single one. But then, I was surfing around on my favorite origami web-ring, and it hit me. Origami! The ancient art of paper-folding! Maybe the laminate substrate was the trigger. GIBBS: Are you telling me Merrill folded himself a bomb? ABBY: No, that's impossible. It came pre-folded. MCGEE: You see, several companies have been exploring the use of paper circuit boards for disposable products. ABBY: Metallic ink is printed on laminated paper and then folded into the desired shape. I coated our burnt substrate with a metallic iron particulate. MCGEE: Which would attach to any residual metallic ink still present. ABBY: And then I ran the whole thing through an X-ray to pick up on any latent patterns. Voila. You're looking at a partial circuit board for a disposable cell phone. SHEPARD: Any chance we could read the ... GIBBS: Any chance we could read the... SHEPARD: .... call log. GIBBS: Call logs? ABBY: I have a better chance of getting McGee to wear a Speedo to church. MCGEE: But I was able to pull a list of all the incoming calls to the hospital's cell zone. Only three came in immediately prior to the explosion. One of them was the triggering call. Corporal Kenneth Merrill. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL - DAY GIBBS: I appreciate you meeting me, Bill. DANFORTH: Sure. How's she doing? GIBBS: She's stable. Still in a coma. DANFORTH: Are you waiting to question her? GIBBS: Listen, the fire wasn't an accident. How well do you know Corporal Kenneth Merrill? DANFORTH: Kenny? He's like a son to me. It wasn't an accident? GIBBS: No. The van was rigged to explode. DANFORTH: Because Kenny defused IEDs in Iraq, you think he has something to do with this? Nah, impossible. GIBBS: His mother told me that Rebecca used to be Kenny's girlfriend. DANFORTH: Oh, when they were children. They've been best friends since elementary school. GIBBS: The night of your son's accident, he was also in a fight. DANFORTH: My son liked to drink. Sometimes in excess. Kenny was just trying to stop him from driving home drunk. Kenny had nothing to do with this, Jethro. GIBBS: It looks like the call that triggered the fire came from Kenny's cell phone. DANFORTH: What time was that? GIBBS: Zero nine hundred about. DANFORTH: It wasn't Kenny. He was with my wife and I from... I don't know, since... since before dawn up until at least noon. (PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, Boss. Corporal Merrill disappeared. (GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE) DANFORTH: Was that about my son? MCGEE: No. Corporal Merrill. After I questioned him, he walked out of the class he was teaching. No one's seen him since. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS SETS THE TABLE) SHEPARD: I don't recall ordering room service. Is that steak au poivre? And frisee salad. Oh. Oh. You know, the last time we had steak au poivre, six people died. What is this meal going to cost me? GIBBS: Can't a guy just sit down and have a bite with his old partner? SHEPARD: Old partner? Must be worse than I thought. (BEAT) How'd it go with Danforth at the hospital today? GIBBS: It went okay. If you're Corporal Merrill. Danforth gave an alibi for the day of the explosion. SHEPARD: I assume you didn't believe him. GIBBS: Why's that? SHEPARD: SHEPARD: Because I wouldn't be eating steak au poivre right now if you did. If Danforth's covering for Merrill, he has to believe Merrill didn't kill his son. (CONT.) And the only way he can know that for sure is... GIBBS: If the kid is still alive. SHEPARD: But you don't believe that, either. GIBBS: The alibi was B.S. The grief was real. SHEPARD: You sure Danforth wasn't playing you? Sorry. But that still doesn't mean his son's dead. There was an accident. He could be hurt. GIBBS: He could be recovering in a private hospital somewhere. SHEPARD: Wouldn't be the first time a parent with means used them to keep a child out of trouble. Are you going to eat that aspara - thank you. There is another possibility. If Danforth is grieving for his son.... then he's only covering for Merrill because... GIBBS: He refuses to believe that Merrill attempted to kill him. SHEPARD: Let's hope he's not wrong. Either way, however it went down, Jethro, you find Merrill, you'll find Danforth, Junior. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: (INTO PHONE) Merrill, (SPELLS) M-E-R-R - R-R! Like Ricky Ricardo. MCGEE: Okay, I got his ATM records... checking for any recent activity. ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Vehicle is a tan Sierra, license plate D-P-H... TONY: (INTO PHONE) Ricky Ricardo! You know, from "I Love Lucy." MCGEE: No withdrawals in the last two weeks. Credit card records coming up. ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Tan. If I meant burnt umber, I would have said burnt umber... what - TONY: (INTO PHONE) Ricky Ricardo. You know, you some 'splainin' to do, Lucy! (BEAT) Hey, Boss. Just updating the BOLO on Merrill. ZIVA: And checking the DMV to see if he's had any traffic violations recently. MCGEE: And going through his financial records to try and pick up any leads off any recent purchases. GIBBS: And? TONY: And we can't find him. Uh... but we're not going to give up until we do. MCGEE: Or die trying.(GIBBS WALKS O.S.) TONY: Or die trying? You had to put that in his head? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: You wanted to see me, Duck? DUCKY: Yes, I did. I was just about to call you. Small wonder DiNozzo is always looking over his shoulder. I managed to put a couple of bits together. Yes, lower canine. (SFX: DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) GIBBS: How long? DUCKY: Oh, a week... maybe longer. GIBBS: And the odds of this reconstruction getting us an I.D.? DUCKY: Exceedingly long. But it's the only method I have for identifying these remains. GIBBS: I've had long shots come in. DUCKY: I once wagered a five hundred-to-one on the Irish Sweepstakes. He fell at the first jump, but then recovered. He fell at the second jump. You'll never guess what happened next. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. ABBY: That's me, Gibbs! You'll never guess what I found! Come on, Gibbs. Guess! I ran the prints from the bottle of ibuprofen that Tony found at the Danforth accident site. Can I at least get a drum roll? GIBBS: Ta-da. ABBY: Pathetic. GIBBS: Prints. ABBY: The prescription belonged to Corporal Merrill. All of the prints on the bottle belonged to Lance Corporal Danforth! GIBBS: So Merrill gave Danforth some of his grunt candy. ABBY: It wasn't grunt candy! The bottle was empty, so I swabbed it and I ran it through the mass spec. Cyclosporine, azathio-prine. GIBBS: Come on, Abs. In English. ABBY: They're anti-rejection drugs, Gibbs! If Danforth was taking them, he's had a transplant! The DNA I ran could be from a donor organ. It kind of turned me on. I'm going to get another sample from Ducky. This body could be Lance Corporal Danforth. So urban myth. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL ENTRANCE - DAY GIBBS: Hey, Bill. I called your home. Your wife said you were here. DANFORTH: You have bad news for me, don't you? GIBBS: Yeah. Where'd your son have his transplant? DANFORTH: Does it matter? GIBBS: No. DANFORTH: You can't stay in the Corps with a kidney transplant, Jethro. GIBBS: Who burned in the fire, Bill? DANFORTH: An unclaimed body at the hospital morgue scheduled for cremation. I made a donation. They switched a toe tag. And the county saved itself the cost of a cremation. GIBBS: It could have killed those EMTs, Bill. DANFORTH: No. I didn't detonate that oxygen until they were clear. GIBBS: Why? Your son was dead. The Corps doesn't care if he had a transplant now. (BEAT) They were more than friends. They were a match! Corporal Merrill gave your son a kidney. DANFORTH: An autopsy would reveal the transplant. I was afraid that the M.E. would run a DNA check on the donor organ. GIBBS: And you can't be on active duty if you give away a kidney. DANFORTH: The Corps means the world to that boy, Jethro. It's his life. And he risked everything. He risked it all to help out his best friend. My son. GIBBS: He rigged an IED to burn that... DANFORTH: I did that! GIBBS: Bill! DANFORTH: I'll swear I did it. Kenny had nothing to do with this. GIBBS: Why'd he go UA? DANFORTH: He didn't go UA. He was at my place. The things that Kenny's teaching those Marines going to Iraq will save their lives, Jethro. Come on, let me take the hit on this one. GIBBS: Where is your son's body? DANFORTH: At the hospital morgue. GIBBS: Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (SFX: SAWING B.G.) DUCKY: I do apologize. Usually one scraping is sufficient, but you are so crispy. Ah. That should satisfy Abby. Ah, Jethro. Abby told me about the transplant and her theory. GIBBS: Hmm - You buy it? DUCKY: Well, it is possible. GIBBS: My money's on your teeth, Duck. Get back to them. DUCKY: As soon as I give this to Abby. GIBBS: I'll do it. DUCKY: Jethro! GIBBS: Ah. DUCKY: I've never seen you break evidence protocol before. GIBBS: You don't trust me, Duck? DUCKY: Well, that's not the point. Chain of evidence is chain of evidence. GIBBS: You're right about that. I'd slap DiNozzo silly if he did it. DUCKY: Jethro, you surprise me. GIBBS: Must be getting old. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ELEVATOR - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION) (SFX: GIBBS SLAPS HIMSELF) GIBBS: God. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY ABBY: Yes! Yes! Whoo! Yes! Yay! DUCKY: That's incredible. GIBBS: No need for a dental match now, Duck. DUCKY: The odds on getting donor DNA from Danforth's body are ... astronomical! ABBY: Alabama! Nineteen fifty four. A nine pound meteorite hits Annie Hodges. The odds of getting hit by a meteorite - astronomical, no pun intended. But it happens and I'm going to be published again. Ooh, yes. TONY: Peachy for you. But we just lost our victim. ZIVA: Our suspect. MCGEE: Our theories. ZIVA: We've been barking up the wrong tree the entire investigation. TONY: Bush. ZIVA: Sorry, bush. We've been barking up the wrong.... bush. TONY: Tree. So who torched the ambulance and why? GIBBS: Don't look at me. (SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS) SHEPARD: Don't tell me. GIBBS: Well, yeah. Abby was right. The first test picked up donor DNA. Our John Doe is Lance Corporal Danforth. SHEPARD: Good. I mean not good a Marine is dead. But good that the case is no longer ours. GIBBS: Mm-hmm. SHEPARD: I know what you're going to say Jethro and don't. I want Lance Corporal Danforth's remains returned to his father and I want the case turned over to the Maryland arson investigators. That will make Mister Danforth happy, which will make the SecNav happy, which in turn will make me very happy. We have wasted way too many of our resources already. GIBBS: Okay. (MUSIC UP AND OUT)

An ambulance carrying the body of a young Marine who died suddenly explodes without warning, destroying the body and also rendering it unrecognizable. But things take a strange turn when Ducky later discovers that the DNA lifted from the body does not match that of the dead Marine.

fd_Frasier_10x07

fd_Frasier_10x07_0

ACT ONE Scene One - Caf Nervosa [SCENE_BREAK] Roz and Frasier are drinking coffee at a table. Roz: Well I suppose you looked in the classifieds under "Housekeepers"? Frasier: Check. Roz: And you asked people in your building... Frasier: Check. Roz: And you called the employment agencies? Frasier: Again, check. A waiter comes and slaps their check on the table. Waiter: [snidely] I heard you the first time. He stalks off. Roz: Who thought it'd be so hard to get to find someone to clean your house? Frasier: Well, over the years Daphne's managed to scour her way into our hearts, so to speak. And I just don't want to hire someone who's only in it for the money. Roz: So you want to find someone who's in it for the joy of cleaning? Gil Chesterton walks over to their table. [N.B. This is Gil's first appearance after being absent through the whole of Season Nine.] Gil: Ah, may I? Frasier: Of course, Gil. Roz: Take a load off. He sits. Gil: Oh, nice outfit, Roz. Somehow you and a peasant blouse just seem to go together. Roz: [rising] Thanks. Haven't worn it for years. I mean, how long can something stay in the closet? She leaves. Frasier: Say, uh, Gil, are you pleased with your housekeeper? Gil: Oh, you mean Chung? Frasier: Mm-hmm. Gil: Oh yes, he's marvelous. He's efficient, he's dependable and he still hasn't figured out American money. Between you and me, I told him when they made Lincoln's picture bigger it was worth more. Frasier: Very funny. Do you suppose that your Man Friday might be available on a Monday or a Tuesday? Gil: You want to steal my Chung! Frasier: No, no. Not steal him, just, just borrow him for a day or two a week until I can re-staff. Gil: Oh, a dangerous notion, Frasier. You know how employees gossip about their benefactors. Frasier: Well, I have nothing to hide. Gil: Yes, but suppose while on your premises he lets something slip about me and Deb and our heart-shaped bed? Frasier: I would refuse to believe him. Gil: Did I mention he's a drug mule? Frasier: Oh, he is not! You're just saying that because you don't want to help me out! Gil: Oh, such insight. It's a pity more people don't listen to your show. He gets up and leaves as Frasier sits, fuming. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment [SCENE_BREAK] Frasier is escorting an applicant to the door. Martin and Daphne are on chairs. Frasier: Thank you for coming, Mrs. Wilkins. Of course, we have several other candidates to interview, but I'll be sure to let you know by the twelfth. She leaves and he closes the door behind her. Frasier: ...of Never! Honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if we'll ever find anyone that meets our standards. He sits on the couch. Martin: You're being too picky. It's just housekeeping, not rocket science. Daphne: I beg to differ. You don't even know half of what I used to do around here. Like dusting the plant leaves or rotating your underwear. Martin: Excuse me? Daphne: Every month I used to throw out your oldest pair and put in two new pairs. Did it ever occur to you that you didn't have to buy underwear in ten years? Martin: Thought I got hold of a good batch. Frasier: Now let's see, who is our front runner thus far? Martin: Oh, I don't know, they're all the same to me. Frasier: Honestly, Dad, I am starting to get the slightest bit chaffed with your attitude. You haven't even graded any of the candidates, you've simply doodled a war plane dropping bombs on a soldier. Martin: That's not a soldier. The doorbell rings and Frasier goes to answer. Frasier: Well, then why is he wearing a helmet? Martin: It's not a helmet. It's someone with a big head! Frasier gives him a dark look. He then opens the door to reveal the next applicant. Frasier: Yes? Trish: Hi, I'm Trish Haney, I'm here about the housekeeper job? I'm really sorry I'm late. Frasier: I had you down for over an hour ago. Trish: I know. I got stuck in line waiting to buy tickets to the Sonics game this weekend. Martin perks up at this. Martin: Really? Come on in! Trish: I should have guessed everyone and his brother would want to see Vince Carter play. Martin: Not everybody. Or his brother. Trish: Wow, this is a beautiful place. Here's my resum . Frasier: Thank you. Won't you be seated. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, this is my father Martin Crane and this is my sister-in-law Daphne Crane. Now, I'll get right to the interview. First question: What is the best way to combat rings on a wooden table? Trish: Um, I heard you can rub mayonnaise on it. Frasier: The best way is to provide coasters. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Trish: [smiling] Started me out with a trick question. Right. Martin: So, how do you think the Sonics will defend Carter? Trish: Um, you have to have someone body up on him and then double team when he gets the ball. Martin: Thank you. Daphne: Trish, if the washing machine has a twenty-five minute cycle, and the dryer has a forty minute cycle, what time does the second load have to go in the washer to be done by five o'clock? Trish: Uh, well, that's sixty-five minutes, so 3:55. Daphne: You may want to take some time to think about these questions before... Frasier: Daphne, she's right. Daphne: [taken aback] Well done. Martin: Hey, I got a question: Can you clean a house? Trish: Yes, and if I do say so myself, I'm pretty good. Martin: Next question: Can you start Monday? Frasier: [laughing] Well, we're getting just a bit ahead of ourselves. We still have several people to meet. He rises and leads Trish out. Frasier: Thank you for coming by. Trish: Oh, sure. That was the interview, huh? Two questions. Frasier: Well, it was really more of a pre-screening. We'll be sure to let you know. Trish: Oh, just to let you know, I'll be out of town until the first. Frasier: Fine, then I'll be sure to call you the second. He closes the door after her. Frasier: ...I lose my mind! Martin: What? What was wrong with her? Frasier: In the first place, she showed up late. She doesn't take the interview seriously, how can we expect her to take the job seriously? Martin: Oh, you just don't like her because she's not all stuffy. Daphne: She did seem a bit cheeky. Martin: Which YOU never were. Frasier: Well, I'm afraid so far our best candidate is the young man from Jeepers Sweepers. Daphne gets up and starts cleaning the table. Martin: I will move out if you hire that prancing moron. Frasier: All right, fine. Who would you hire? This, this Trish, I suppose. Martin: Well, I was right about Daphne. Doesn't that count for anything? You didn't even want to hire her, you thought she might steal. Daphne looks up, incensed. Frasier looks guilty. Daphne: Did you really say that?! Frasier: Of course not! I don't remember. He sits back down on the couch. Martin: Well whoever gets hired is someone I'm gonna have to spend a lot of time with, and I don't need a lot of quiz questions and score sheets to get a feel for someone's character. Daphne: Did I look like a thief? Was it me shifty eyes? Martin: Look, if you don't trust my judgment, Frasier, just have the guts to say so. Frasier: You know, all right, fine. You can hire whoever you want to. You want this Trish, fine, call her. Martin: Right. I'll call her right now and tell her she's hired. Daphne: And I'll tell her where you keep your valuables. Frasier: Oh, would you give it a rest?! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Caf Nervosa [SCENE_BREAK] Roz is at a table, ordering, and Niles is just coming in. Roz: Hey, Niles, have a seat. Niles: Oh, thank you. He sits. Niles: [to waiter] I'll have my usual. Oh no, bottled water, room temperature. The waiter heads off. Roz: Gee, slow down, little man, what are we celebrating? Niles: I can't drink anything that's too hot, I have a toothache. Roz: Oh. You been to the dentist? Niles: Yes. He said the tooth is perfectly healthy but I still have this throbbing pain. I think I may have to go to the doctor. Roz: Oh, it's probably just a sinus infection. Have you had a cold lately? Niles: Couple of weeks ago, yes, but I'm over it. Roz: That's probably what it is, a sinus infection. Happens to me all the time. The waiter brings their drinks. Niles: In all likelihood, I'm sure you're right. Thank you. Roz: Of course I'm right. What else could it be? Niles: Actually a toothache can be referred pain from something else. Roz: "Referred pain." Niles: That's right. For example, if I had a heart condition, I might not have pain in my chest, I might have pain in my tooth. You see, referred pain. So while you're probably right about the sinus infection, let's not discount the one in ten thousand chance that it might be something more serious. He opens his water. Roz: Oh, now I get it. So the pain in my butt might actually be coming from across the table. Niles: Something like that, yes. [He glances at the bottle top.] Oh look! I'm the winner of a fanny pack. Roz: Congratulations. Niles: Thank you. Roz: You have no idea what it is, do you? Niles: Not really, no. She grabs the bottle. Roz: Hey, look: it says here the odds of winning it are one in ten thousand. Ooh, spooky. Same odds as that toothache being a heart attack. Maybe it's a sign. Niles: It's a good sign. By beating those odds once it makes it that much more unlikely that something so improbable can happen to me again. A woman enters. Woman: Niles! Niles gets up, but it is not his wife. The woman crosses over to another table where a young man rises to greet her. Other Niles: Hello, Daphne. Niles stares at them as they sit, then slowly sits himself. Niles: Okay, that's weird. [SCENE_BREAK] IN STREET JARGON, HE'S KNOW AS "THE MARK" Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is showing Trish around. Martin: So, that's the grand tour. Trish: Hard to know where to start. I don't have much time before I have to go. Martin: What? You leavin' already? Trish: Yeah, I have this lunch thing. I hope you don't mind. Martin: Well... Trish: The problem is, it's this friend that I've been putting off because I've been too busy, but now I finally don't have any excuse. We're gonna try that new rib place down in Bell Town. Martin: Oh, I hear that's great. Trish: Yeah, I can bring you back a great big bag of them. But enough chit chat, I've got dishes to do. Martin: Hold on, can I offer a suggestion? Trish: You're the boss. Martin: What Daphne did was put a load of laundry in first and that way you can do two things at once. Trish: Okay. Although I prefer to do laundry at the end of the day, and that way I can read when the clothes are in the dryer. I mean it's about the only "me time" I have on this job. She heads for the bedrooms. Niles and Daphne come in the front. Niles: Hey, Dad, ready for breakfast? Martin: Well, thanks for the invite, but I can't go. Niles: Well, we didn't invite you. You called us and badgered us until we rearranged our schedule. Martin: Well, that was before Trish came. I really think I should hang around and show her the ropes. Daphne: Maybe you should show her where the room freshener is. It smells like stale cigars in here. She starts picking a few things up. Martin: Yeah, I had some of the guys in last night for poker. Oh, hey! Niles, check this out. I've got a great new card trick. He grabs a deck of cards. Niles: [resigned] Oh, goody. Martin: Yeah, it's called "The Amazing Niles." Or "The Amazing..." whoever you're doing the trick with. Like, if I was doing it with Daphne, it'd be "The Amazing Daphne." Or if I was doing it with Frasier, it'd be... Niles: "The Amazing Frasier", yeah, I get it, Dad. Martin: Yeah. That's just my patter. He fans the cards and holds them out. Martin: Okay, Amazing Niles, I want you to draw the ace of spades out of this deck. Niles: [humoring him] Ah, something tells me that it's going to be this one right here. He pulls a card then turns it over to show that it is the ace of spades. Martin: Ladies and gentlemen, he drew the ace of spades! Daphne: Amazing, Amazing Niles. She picks a deck off of the table. Martin: Isn't that a great trick? Daphne: Hey, wait a minute. How come this deck only has aces of spades? Martin: What? No, THIS is the trick... He run through the cards in his hands, stunned. Martin: Wait a minute, this isn't the trick deck. Holy cow! Niles: What? Martin: You just drew the card I asked you for. What are the odds? I wonder if you can do it again. He fans the cards out to an increasingly nervous Niles. Niles: No, no. Only one performance a day. He puts his fingers to his neck to check his pulse. Daphne: Is something wrong? Niles: What? No. You know, since we're not going to have breakfast, maybe we should go. Daphne: All right. That way we can pick up your car from the shop. Martin: What happened to your car? Niles: [quietly] Got struck by lightning. They leave, Trish comes back into the living room. Trish: Okay, washer's running as we speak. Anything else before I go? Martin: You're going to lunch now? It's only ten. Trish: Already? Ugh, I guess the dishes'll have to wait. I've got a couple of errands to run and then I have a hair appointment. Martin: Trish, I'm a little surprised that you're takin' off like this. Trish: Yeah. I'm a little surprised too. I thought my first day would be more like orientation, you know? Show me around, explain my duties, and then I start work the next day. Martin: Why would you think that? Trish: It's been that way every other place I've worked. And I've had a lot of jobs. Martin: Well, listen Trish, I kinda went out on a limb for you and I'll never hear the end of it from my son if you let me down. Trish: Don't worry, you are not gonna regret hiring me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be like the White Tornado. Remember those commercials, the White Tornado? That'll be me, ten o'clock. Martin: So, you're not comin' back after lunch? Trish: Oh, trust me, you don't want me cleaning this place drunk. And that reminds me, I don't work Mondays. Gosh, you know, I better get going. If I'm late to this lunch, how's that gonna look? Martin: Well, what about the laundry? Trish: Oh, ten o'clock tomorrow. Along with those ribs. She leaves. Frasier comes in from his room. Frasier: Well, I hear the washer going. I assume that means our new employee is hard at it. Martin: Oh, yeah, she's like the White Tornado. Frasier: Dad, you know your basketball references go right over my head. You know, she's certainly got her work cut out for her, cleaning up this mess you and your buddies made last night. Martin: Well, you don't have to worry about it, she's all about the work. Frasier: Listen, Dad, I think I owe you an apology. Martin: For what? Frasier: Well, for thinking I was a better judge of people than you are. I just want you to know that I do trust your judgment. Maybe I don't say that often enough. Anyway, I hope you can forgive me. He heads for the door. Martin: There's nothing to forgive, Son. Frasier: Thanks, Dad. I'll see you later. He leaves. Eddie comes in and jumps on the arm of Martin's chair, a toy in his mouth. Martin: [getting up] Not now, boy. We've got an apartment to clean. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT ONE [SCENE_BREAK] ACT TWO Scene One - Caf Nervosa [SCENE_BREAK] Roz is sitting at the window table, reading a magazine. Niles comes in, looking desperate. Roz: Hi, Niles. How's it goin'? Niles: I'm as good as dead! [sitting] I've been doing research into my family health history: my great-uncle Timothy keeled over from a heart attack at my age. As the waiter walks by, Niles grabs his arm. Niles: [urgently] Bottled water. Please. The waiter walks off, a disturbed look on his face. Roz: Are you talking about that tooth again? Niles: It's still throbbing, thank you! Which means my heart is probably on its last legs. Roz: Come on, Niles, you said it was a one in a million chance. Niles: One in ten thousand. And I've been beating those odds all week. I don't believe in omens, but these are getting harder and harder to ignore. Roz: So are you. She goes back to her magazine. Niles: I flipped a coin seventeen times last night and every time it came up tails! I only stopped because I was getting a blister. The waiter sets his water down. Niles: Thank you. Roz: How does Daphne put up with all this? Niles: I haven't told her about it. Because, unlike you, she'd worry about me. He opens his water. Roz: Get your heart checked. And stop obsessing about it. Niles: I'm going to. In all probability, there's a perfectly reasonable expla... Glancing at the bottle cap, he drops it and pulls back with a gasp of shock. Roz: What? Niles: I won another fanny pack! He sits frozen as Roz checks the cap. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is mopping the floor just inside the front door, the phone pressed to his ear. Martin: No, I'm not mad at you, Trish, I'm just a little disappointed. Well, yesterday was your neighbor's funeral and today you got the flu. No, I kinda believe you, but you know this apartment doesn't clean itself, so... huh? Okay. Tomorrow, nine sharp. Ten? Okay. I'll see you when you get here. He hears the key in the lock and quickly puts the mop in the powder room. Frasier comes in, dropping his wet galoshes and struggling with his dripping umbrella. Frasier: Oh, for God's sake! Martin: Hey, careful there mister. You're gonna get water all over the clean floor. Frasier: Well, maybe you can have Trish wax this floor tomorrow. Martin: She already did. It took her two hours. And it just took you two seconds to mess it up and start complaining. Frasier: Well I'm not complaining, Dad, but look at these streaks here. It's like she never waxed a floor before. Martin: All you do is nag, nag, nag! Meanwhile she tried a new fabric softener on your sweater and you didn't even notice! Frasier: Well, my sweaters are supposed to be dry-cleaned. Martin: Oh. Frasier: Oh, and remind me to say something to her about flipping my mattress. Martin: What the hell are you trying to do, kill her? Frasier: Easy, easy. Dad, there's no reason to get all riled up. My God, you're actually perspiring. Martin: Well I just think some people around here don't realize how hard she works. Frasier: Well, I'll say this much: the place does smell lemony fresh. He walks off to his room. Martin: That shows what you know. It's country breeze. He grabs at some papers on the coffee table. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - Niles' Apartment [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne is straightening up in the living room. Niles comes down the stairs. Niles: Daphne, I have to go out for a while. Daphne: All right. Niles: No place out of the ordinary, just... out. He comes up behind her to give her a hug or a kiss. Daphne: Okay. See you later. She walks away to the other side of the room without looking at him. He gets his jacket. As he puts it on he begins thinking. Niles: [voice over of thoughts] I can't believe this is happening. After all those misspent years of frustration and yearning, I finally find the fulfillment of my dreams only to have it snatched away. Look at her. She's so beautiful, so perfect. She deserves nothing but happiness. I hope, when I'm gone, she's able to make a life with someone else. After a suitable period of mourning, of course. He collects his things and reaches for the door. Daphne: Niles? Niles: [emotionally] Yes, my love? Daphne: [firmly] WHEN are you going to change the paper in the bottom of the bird cage, hmm? I've asked you three times already. Niles: Soon as I get back. She heads off. Niles: [v.o.] Maybe when I'm gone, Her Majesty can muck out her own birdcage. He leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment [SCENE_BREAK] Martin is in the kitchen, polishing the silverware and talking on the phone. Martin: Hey, Fras, sorry to bother ya. Trish was wondering where you keep the silver polish. Right, I told her about that tarnish on your shrimp fork. Reset to: the living room as he comes in. Martin: She suggested a place you could keep it where the air won't get to it. Frasier comes in the front, on his cell phone. Frasier: Really. Perhaps she and I could have a discussion about that. Martin: What are you doin' here? Frasier: Well, my lunch cancelled, I thought I might drop by, see if you might like to join me for a bite. Martin: Oh, sure, love to. Let me get my coat. Frasier: Right, I'll just tell Trish that we're leaving. Where is she? Martin: Oh, uh, she's in the powder room. Let's go. Frasier: Actually, Dad, I'd rather wait. You see, I wanted to discuss a new vacuuming pattern with her. Martin: Well, actually, Fras, this might not be a good time. That shrimp fork thing really set her off. She kinda went to pieces and locked herself in there. Frasier: She did? I had no idea she was so fragile. Martin: Well, she'll get over it. She just needs to be alone for a while, she'll be fine. [calling] Bye, Trish! Frasier: No, no, Dad. You know, if I've hurt her feelings, then it is incumbent upon me to apologize. He crosses to the powder room. Martin: Well... Frasier knocks on the powder room door. Frasier: Trish, it's Dr. Crane. Could you come out here, please? I'd like to have a word with you. Hearing nothing, he looks and Martin and spreads his hands. Martin: The old silent treatment. Well, two can play that game. Let's go. Frasier: No, no, Dad, why don't you talk to her? Martin: Oh, I don't think so. Frasier: Please, Dad, she likes you. Please. Martin: Uh, Trish? Hi, it's Marty. Listen, I know you're upset, but I'd like to talk to you. Um, would you unlock the door? He opens the door a very small amount and slips in, blocking Frasier's view. Martin: Thatta girl. He closes the door behind him. Frasier looks put off. Martin comes back out a moment later. Martin: All right, you just take all the time you need. He closes the door behind him. Martin: She accepted your apology but she just wants to be alone for a little while, so let's go. Frasier: Dad, I really should apologize to her in person. Martin: Well, I don't think this is the time. Frasier: Why not? Martin: Well, you have been pretty critical. Frasier: Well, you know, I also think that she's made some real improvements around here. Tell her that. Martin, a little exasperated, goes back into the powder room. After a moment, he sticks his face back out the door. Martin: She wants an example. Frasier: How should I know? Make something up. Martin: Oh, no wonder she's mad, you ungrateful sonofabitch! He closes the door on Frasier's stunned look. A moment later, Trish comes in the front door. Frasier, looking perturbed, motions her to be silent. Martin comes out as Frasier rocks on his heels smugly. Martin: All right, see you later. Well, now I think you made things worse. It wouldn't surprise me if she didn't come in tomorrow. Noticing where Frasier is looking, he glances back. Looking guilty and without anything to say, he slowly sticks his head back into the powder room. Martin: You didn't tell me you had a sister. Frasier: Dad! All right, what the hell is going on? Trish: No idea. I just came by for my paycheck. Martin: Well, uh, I got some bad news about that, Trish. I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to let you go. Trish: Oh. Okay, but you still owe me for the days I was supposed to be here last week. He ushers her out. Martin: Sure, sure. And there'll be a check in the mail sometime after the first. He closes the door behind her. Martin: ...asteroid hits Earth! [N.B. Ana Gasteyer previously filmed an appearance as a physical therapist for [10.11], "Door Jam," but that episode wound up being shelved. It was reworked and aired three months after its originally scheduled October air date, without her subplot.] [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Five - A Doctor's Office [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is waiting in a chair. The doctor comes in and stands behind his desk, holding a chart. Niles: Okay, lay it on me. I'm prepared for the worst. Is it my heart? Doctor: I'm afraid so. Niles: Ah-ha! It sinks in a moment. Niles: What? Doctor: There is an anomaly in your EKG. I'm gonna have to check you into the hospital. Niles: Oh, uh, well, hmm. Uh, I guess I can clear my schedule. How's, how's tomorrow afternoon? He fumbles in his pocket. Doctor: No, no. Niles? You need to go right now. Niles simply sits there, stunned. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT TWO [SCENE_BREAK] Niles is still in the doctor's office. The doctor comes around and sits on the edge of the desk, going over the upcoming hospitalization with Niles, who nods his understanding. Niles begins to cough, and is unable to clear his throat. The doctor steps back and gets a bottle of water, holding it out to him. Seeing the fanny-pack contest label, Niles reels in shock, clutching his chest and checking his pulse. [N.B. This tag was first shown on the prime time re-run of the "Rooms With a View" over the credits.]

Frasier is looking for a new housekeeper, and his high standards and demanding nature make the search particularly difficult. Eventually, he, Martin and Daphne interview a woman named Trish Haney ( Ana Gasteyer ), who arrives very late and thus causes Frasier to worry about how seriously she will take the job. Martin, however, thinks she will be good company for him during the day, so is keen that she be given the job. Frasier is reluctant, but concedes. Unfortunately, his predictions prove to be accurate when Trish repeatedly disappears early from work for no good reason, or misses days altogether. Martin, anxious not to have his mistake known, is compelled to clean the apartment in her place, so that Frasier never realises she is not doing the work. Niles has a persistent toothache, and the dentist has assured him that there is nothing wrong with it. Roz suggests a sinus infection , and although he hopes she is right, Niles also considers the distant possibility that he is experiencing referred pain . Over the next few days, he has several very unlikely experiences, such as winning competitions from bottle tops, flipping a coin that consistently lands tails up, and having his car struck by lightning. He becomes more and more worried by these apparent omens, and eventually decides to consult a doctor, who discovers a serious abnormality in his EKG . Niles says he can clear his schedule and check himself into the hospital the next afternoon, but the doctor insists that he go immediately.

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EXT MOONSCAPE The TARDIS materializes on a rocky moonscape. An American flag is planted in the ground and the Earth hangs in the sky above. The door opens and the DOCTOR sticks his head out followed by CLARA, ANGIE and ARTIE. The DOCTOR steps out, arms out wide. The others follow a bit more slowly. DOCTOR: Well, here we are. Hedgewick's World - the biggest and best amusement park there will ever be and we've got a golden ticket! (steps onto a rock) Eh, eh? Fun! CLARA: Fun? ANGIE: Your stupid box can't even get us to the right place. This is, like, a moon base or something. The DOCTOR steps down from the rock and CLARA sits on a different one. DOCTOR: It's not the moon. ARTIE: Actually, I think it does look like the moon. Only dirtier. DOCTOR: Hey, guys it's not the moon, OK? It's a Spacey Zoomer ride, or it was. A door opens in one of the larger rocks and a MAN peers out. MAN: Psst! 'Scuse I. I don't suppose you happen to be my lift off planet? Dave's Discount Interstellar Removals? CLARA: 'Fraid not. MAN: They were meant to be here six months ago. That's Dave for you, see, unreliable. WOMAN: (O.C.) Stay where you are! MAN: Oops. (ducks back inside) A group of soldiers enter the ride area lead by a female OFFICER. OFFICER: Throw down your weapons and identify yourselves. CLARA stands in front of the children as the DOCTOR puts his hands up, holding a golden ticket. DOCTOR: No. No weapons! Golden ticket! Spacey Zoomer? (bounces) Free ice cream? OFFICER: Who are you? This planet is closed, by Imperial order. DOCTOR: How's this? (holds out psychic paper) OFFICER: Oh. Welcome, Proconsul. I wish they'd told us you were coming. Any news of the Emperor? DOCTOR: Oh, the Emperor... No, no, none that you'd, er... OFFICER: We pray for his return. If there is anything you need, my platoon is at your service. DOCTOR: Right! Righty-oh. Well, carry on, Captain. The DOCTOR salutes her and she returns it. CAPTAIN: Platoon, let's move out. On the double. Two, three, four! Two, three, four! Two, three, four! The soldiers jog away. The door opens and the MAN sticks his head out again. MAN: Have they gone? DOCTOR: Yes. MAN: Uniforms give me the heebie-jeebies. Come on. They can't stop me being here, but they don't like it. They follow the MAN to the doorway of the ride and pause when they see what's before them. The DOCTOR grins. DOCTOR: Ha, ha! You see? I told you it was amazing. Well, it used to be. They look out onto what was once a large amusement park though it is now derelict. MAN: It closed down. Wish I'd known that before I landed here. But let me show you my collection. Come along, follow me, this way. This way in, come on. Welcome to my show... ANGIE rolls her eyes as they follow after the MAN. INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM The room is dark and slightly eerie. Steps lead down from the entrance into the room that is lined with wax replicas of different alien races. In the center are two worn couches that were once highly fashionable. WEBLEY: Webley's World of Wonders. Miracles, marvels and more await you. I am impresario Webley. ANGIE and ARTIE go down the steps into the main room and look around in wonder. The DOCTOR follows them. WEBLEY goes down the steps followed by CLARA. WEBLEY: You see before you waxwork representations of the famous... and the infamous. Anybody here play chess? The DOCTOR raises his hand. WEBLEY: Perhaps you, young man? ARTIE: Actually, I'm in my school chess club. The DOCTOR sighs and lowers his hand. WEBLEY: Ah, follow me. WEBLEY takes them to another room. INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM In the center of the room is a chess table with an empty chair on one side and a draped-covered figure on the other. WEBLEY: Now, let me demonstrate to you all the wonder of the age, the miracle of modernity. We defeated them all, a thousand years ago. But now he's back, to destroy you. Behold! The enemy! WEBLEY pulls the drape off with a flourish to reveal a CYBERMAN. DOCTOR: Cyberman! Get down! The DOCTOR pulls CLARA and the children down. The CYBERMAN raises its head. [SCENE_BREAK] Matt Smith Jenna-Louise Coleman "Nightmare in Silver" By Neil Gaiman PRODUCER Denise Paul DIRECTOR Stephen Woolfendon [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM WEBLEY pops up from behind the CYBERMAN. WEBLEY: No need to panic, my young friends. We all know there are no more living Cybermen. What you are seeing is a miracle - the 699th wonder of the universe. As displayed before the Imperial court, and only here to destroy you - at chess! Careful now. An empty shell. And yet it moves. How? The DOCTOR examines the CYBERMAN as WEBLEY talks. ANGIE: (sarcastic) Magic. WEBLEY: That might well be, young lady. A single penny wins you five Imperial shillings if you can beat this empty shell at chess. Two little bugs are on one of the dummies and watch everything. The DOCTOR leans on the table. ARTIE: I haven't got a penny. But I've got a sandwich. (holds up the sandwich) WEBLEY: All right, take a seat. CLARA pulls out the chair and ARTIE sits. WEBLEY: (opens panel underneath) It is free of all devices, and yet it has never been beaten. Would you like to make the first move, young man? ARTIE moves a pawn and the CYBERMAN jerkily makes a move. ARTIE makes his second move. DOCTOR: Oh, no, Artie. No, don't do that, it... It's a fool's mate. The CYBERMAN checkmates ARTIE. WEBLEY: (eats sandwich) If you can tell me how it works, I'll give you a silver penny. ANGIE: I think... you do it with mirrors. DOCTOR: Hmm, mirrors, clever girl. Well, let's see, hey? (examines workings) Low tech. It's a puppet, monofilament strings, which means the brains are in... The DOCTOR pops open a panel to reveal a "person of reduced stature" inside with a remote control. DOCTOR: Hello. MAN: Hello. I'm the brains. DOCTOR: Hello. MAN: Give us a hand. The DOCTOR helps the MAN get out from the box. MAN: They call me Porridge. Ah, it's good to be out of that box. WEBLEY: For you, Miss... (reaches behind ANGIE'S ear) an Imperial penny. (gives her the coin) Leaning against the wall, the DOCTOR straightens when he sees bugs crawling on the wall opposite. INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM They walk into the main room. WEBLEY removes a drape from over another CYBERMAN. WEBLEY: I have not one but THREE Cybermen in my collection. The DOCTOR scans it with the sonic. ANGIE sees a replica of a tall man dressed in robes and ermine. ANGIE: Is that the king? PORRIDGE: Emperor. Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, etc, etc, the 41st - defender of humanity, imperator of known space. CLARA: He looks a bit full of himself. PORRIDGE: (looks at CLARA) Don't say things like that about the Imperial family - you can end up on the run for the rest of your life. ARTIE: They don't sound very nice. PORRIDGE: Go on. If the kids want to ride the Spacey Zoomer, then I can operate the gravity console. CLARA hugs ARTIE and walks out with him followed by PORRIDGE and the DOCTOR. ANGIE looks from the coin in her hand to the statue. ARTIE comes back for her. ANGIE: Angie! They leave the room. INT. SPACEY ZOOMER RIDE ANGIE and ARTIE are floating in the air as PORRIDGE and CLARA look on. ARTIE: Whoa! CLARA: (has camera phone out) Smile! Say, "Spacey Zoomer!" ARTIE: We're flying! DOCTOR: Having a good time? The children laughed as they had fun in the air. PORRIDGE turns off the anti-gravity and the children fall gently back to the ground. CLARA and the DOCTOR walk over. ARTIE: I think that was the most fun I've had in my whole life. ANGIE: It was... OK. The DOCTOR makes a face at ANGIE'S reaction and walks away, scanning the area. ARTIE: Clara? I think outer space is actually very interesting. CLARA: (heads for the TARDIS) Right, wonderful day out, Doctor, but it's time to get the kids home. DOCTOR: Yeah. Um, no. Not actually ready to leave. CLARA: Why not? DOCTOR: I dunno. Reasons. CLARA: What reasons? DOCTOR: Insects. Funny insects. I should add them to my funny insect collection. CLARA: You collect funny insects? DOCTOR: Yeah, I'm starting to. Right now. INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM ANGIE: How long do we have to stay here? DOCTOR: Not long. Have a nap. I'll wake you when we're ready to leave. (leaves, turning off lights as he passes) PORRIDGE: Comfy? CLARA: Sleep well. PORRIDGE: Good night. CLARA and PORRIDGE leave the room. ARTIE sips his water and is setting it on a table by the couch when the DOCTOR re-enters. He is holding the sonic screwdriver under his face, the green light casting an eerie glow. DOCTOR: Don't wander off. I'm not just saying, "Don't wander off" - I MEAN it. Otherwise you'll wander off, and the next thing you know, somebody's going to have to start rescuing somebody. ANGIE: From what? DOCTOR: Nothing. Nobody needs rescuing from anything. Don't wander off. Sweet dreams. The DOCTOR leaves and the children settle onto the couches. INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM WEBLEY enters the chess room and takes a bite of the sandwich as he puts the chess pieces back in place. WEBLEY: Mmm. Mmm! Total takings for the day - one sandwich. Better than no sandwich, of course. Not as good as TWO sandwiches, or even a chicken... The CYBERMAN'S hands grip WEBLEY'S wrists. WEBLEY: That's a bit odd. (tries to pull hands free) That's not funny, give me my hands back. Dozens of the small insects that had so intrigued the DOCTOR crawl out from the CYBERMAN'S and down his body and over to WEBLEY. WEBLEY jerks as he tries to escape and cries out. CYBERMAN: Upgrade in progress! INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM ANGIE is standing, trying to get reception on her phone. ANGIE: I HATE the future. It's stupid. There's not even phone service. (sets phone on table) I'm out of here. ARTIE: The Doctor said to not wander off. ANGIE: He said that, and then he wandered off. ANGIE and ARTIE do not see the bugs crawling all over her phone. ARTIE: I don't think Clara would like that. ANGIE: She's not our mum. ARTIE: Don't leave me here. ANGIE leaves not realizing that she and ARTIE have been under surveillance. INT. TERMIAL CLARA walks with PORRIDGE along disused tracks for what was either a ride or a form of transport around the park. The DOCTOR is ahead of them inspecting and scanning. CLARA: Was this really the biggest amusement park in the universe? PORRIDGE: Yeah. Hedgewick bought the planet cheap. It'd been trashed in the Cyber-Wars. CLARA: Who were we fighting? PORRIDGE: Cybermen. Technologically upgraded warriors. We couldn't win. Sometimes we fought to a draw, but then they'd upgrade themselves, fix their weaknesses and destroy us. It's hard to fight an enemy that uses your armies as spare parts. CLARA: You beat them, though - beat them or you wouldn't be here. How? They stop at the edge of the hangar and PORRIDGE points to the sky. PORRIDGE: Look up there - that corner of the sky. What do you see? There is a bright ring of light surrounding nothingness. CLARA: Nothing. It's just black. No stars, no nothing. PORRIDGE: Used to be the Tiberion Spiral Galaxy. A million star systems. A hundred million worlds. A billion trillion people. It's not there anymore. No more Tiberion galaxy. No more Cybermen. It was effective. CLARA: It's horrible. PORRIDGE: Yeah. I feel like a monster sometimes. CLARA: Why? PORRIDGE: Because instead of mourning a billion trillion dead people, I just feel sorry for the poor blighter who had to press the button and blow it all up. The DOCTOR looks out onto the park through the empty shell of the piece he's examining. DOCTOR: Clara! Did you tell Angie she could go to the barracks? CLARA: You KNOW I didn't. She hasn't... DOCTOR: She's just gone in there. CLARA: Come on. INT. BARRACKS The CAPTAIN is walking with another woman, BEAUTY, who sets a dismantled piece of equipment down on a bench. BEAUTY: I can't fix this. CAPTAIN: It can't be broken. It's a solid state sub-ether ansible class communicator. Just run the diagnostics. BEAUTY: There's nothing left to diagnose. It's not broken. It's empty. All the components have gone. CAPTAIN: Well, you must have replacement parts. (turns away) BEAUTY: Not enough to build a new one. A bespectacled soldier, BRAINS, approaches the CAPTAIN. BRAINS: Captain, the weather-controller is malfunctioning again. There's storms, heat waves, snow. BEAUTY comes up behind the CAPTAIN and puts a hand on her shoulder, pointing to the doorway. ANGIE is standing there. ANGIE: Hello. I'm bored! CAPTAIN: Where's your big sister? ANGIE: (walks into the room) Clara? She's not my sister. She's stupid. She's talking to Porridge. CAPTAIN: She talks to her porridge? ANGIE: Porridge. That little bloke. The CAPTAIN'S smile falters and she puts an arm around ANGIE. CAPTAIN: We need to have a chat. (takes ANGIE away from the others) INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM ARTIE is alone in the dark surrounded by creepy statues. He sits up on the couch. ARTIE: I'm not scared, if you're wondering. I just think I ought to turn the lights back on. ARTIE gets up and walks cautiously over to the switch, looking nervously around him. He runs the last bit to the switch and turns on the light, smiling at the accomplishment. He doesn't see the CYBERMAN come up behind him and puts a hand over his mouth. INT. BARRACKS ANGIE is walking with the CAPTAIN, a mug in her hand. CAPTAIN: So, tell me about the little bloke. ANGIE: Well, you must have seen him. CLARA and the DOCTOR enter the barracks and stride over to ANGIE. CLARA: Angie, Angie! ANGIE: She has to turn up and spoil everything! I wasn't doing anything! Why can't you just leave me alone?! There is a crash as the doors burst open. Everyone turns to see a CYBERMAN standing in the doorway. CAPTAIN: Cyberman! The DOCTOR scans it with the sonic as the soldiers scramble for weapons and cover. DOCTOR: Angie! CAPTAIN: Attack formation! The CYBERMAN moves forward with blurred speed. One of the soldiers goes to attack it bare-handed. CAPTAIN: No! The DOCTOR pulls CLARA to cover. One of the soldiers hands the CAPTAIN a gun as they take cover. CAPTAIN: Attack formation - quickly! They fire at the CYBERMAN. It is hit but the force barely knocks it. CYBERMAN: Upgrade in progress! The DOCTOR uses the sonic on the CYBERMAN. CLARA: Angie! The CYBERMAN moves so quickly, the others seem to stand still. It heads straight for ANGIE, picking her up and putting her over its shoulder. The girl screams. They are gone before anyone has turned around. CLARA: Angie! (runs after ANGIE) DOCTOR: Clara, Clara...! (grabs her hand and pulls her back) CAPTAIN: That was a Cyberman! But they're extinct. (walks away from the DOCTOR and CLARA) DOCTOR: Listen to me, I will get her back. (walks over to CAPTAIN) Captain, a word, please. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I take it your platoon doesn't do much fighting? CAPTAIN: What do you expect? CLARA: What? CAPTAIN: We're a punishment platoon. It's why they sent us out here, so we can't get into trouble. DOCTOR: Ah, right, right, well, OK. As Imperial Consul, (takes badge of rank off the CAPTAIN'S uniform and pins it on CLARA) I am putting Clara in charge. Clara, stay alive until I get back, and don't let anyone blow up this planet. (snaps his fingers and walks away) CLARA: Is that something they're likely to do? DOCTOR: (keeps walking) Get to somewhere defensible. CLARA: Where are YOU going? DOCTOR: (stops and turns around) I'm getting Angie, finding Artie and looking for funny insects. Stay alive. And you lot, no blowing up this planet! (leaves) INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM The CYBERMAN brings a kicking ANGIE into the room. ANGIE: Put me down! I hate you! It puts her down and she turns around to see WEBLEY and ARTIE standing motionless. WEBLEY looks to have metal encasing one side of his face - a la Phantom of the Opera - and ARTIE has a blinking implant attached to his head by his ear. ANGIE: Artie? Artie, what's happening? ARTIE: Please stand by. You will be upgraded. ANGIE screams. WEBLEY raises a finger to his lips and we see his arm has been converted as well. INT. BARRACKS The CAPTAIN walks with CLARA as the soldiers unload cases of weapons. CAPTAIN: Cyberiad class weaponry. I've taken it out of storage. CLARA: Good. We need to find somewhere defensible. Where? The CAPTAIN shows CLARA a large painted mural of the park and uses a pointer. CAPTAIN: The beach, the Giant's Cauldron... Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle. CLARA: Real castle? Drawbridge? Moat? CAPTAIN: Yes. But comical. CLARA: We'll go there. CAPTAIN: Ma'am... My platoon can deal with one Cyberman. And there are protocols if we cannot immediately find and destroy it. CLARA: Blowing-up-the-planet protocols? CAPTAIN: Respectfully, ma'am... CLARA: Somewhere defensible. No blowing up the planet. PORRIDGE: (walks over) She's your commanding officer now, isn't she, Captain? CAPTAIN: Yes... sir. CLARA leaves. PORRIDGE: You really saw a Cyberman? CAPTAIN: We really did. PORRIDGE: Have you reported it to the Imperium? CAPTAIN: No communicators. PORRIDGE: So you're going to do what she says. Right, let's all spend the night at Natty Longshoe's Comical Castle. INT. WEBLEY'S, MAIN ROOM The DOCTOR runs into the room to find the lights on and ARTIE missing. DOCTOR: Artie? The DOCTOR hurries down the stairs and sees one of the insects on a table by the couches. He leans over and talks into it. DOCTOR: Firstly, if anybody's watching this, those children are under my protection. I'm coming to get them. And secondly... little metal machine... you are beautiful. (scans it with sonic before picking it up by the tail) Not even a Cybermat any more, eh? Cybermites? (sets it in his palm) INT. WEBLEY'S, CHESS ROOM The DOCTOR enters the room, holding the Cybermite in his hand. He sees the Cyberman is missing. DOCTOR: (uses the sonic on the Cybermite) Now... there's a local transmat link open to your home. If I can just find the frequency... The DOCTOR holds up the sonic and disappears in a flash of light. INT. CYBERMEN BASE The DOCTOR appears in the base. DOCTOR: Hey, that really shouldn't have worked. ANGIE: (O.C.) (monotone) Doctor, help us. DOCTOR: Angie! Artie! The DOCTOR runs over to the children and sees the implant. He scans them with the sonic. He then turns and sees WEBLEY. DOCTOR: Webley? WEBLEY: (walks out from the shadows) We needed children, but the children had stopped coming. You brought us children. Hail to you, the Doctor, saviour of the Cybermen! (salutes by putting his right hand to his chest) EXT. CASTLE CLARA, PORRIDGE and the soldiers approach the castle. CLARA: What would the Empire do if they WERE alerted? CAPTAIN: I told you - tell me to blow up the planet. CLARA: After they got us off? PORRIDGE: Captain, you want to take that one? CAPTAIN: No, ma'am. Just blow the sucker up. They come to a stop at the foot of the drawbridge. CLARA: Drawbridge, moat - brilliant. BRAINS: With respect, ma'am, we ought to be hunting the creature. CLARA: (turns around) The only reason I'm still alive is because I do what the Doctor says. (walks up to BRAINS) Can you guarantee me you'd bring back my children alive and unharmed? (BRAINS shakes his head) I trust the Doctor. CAPTAIN: You think he knows what he's doing? CLARA: I'm not sure I'd go THAT far. (CLARA smiles and heads for the drawbridge) INT. CYBERMEN BASE The DOCTOR and WEBLEY stand on either side of a small table in the center of the room WEBLEY: As the battle raged between humanity and the Cyberiad, the Cyber-Planners built a Valkyrie, to save critically damaged units and bring them here and, one by one, repair them. DOCTOR: The people who vanished from the amusement park - they were spare parts for repairs. WEBLEY: We've upgraded ourselves. The next model will be undefeatable. DOCTOR: Nothing's undefeatable. WEBLEY walks over to the children and the DOCTOR moves parallel to him and puts his hands protectively on them. WEBLEY: We needed children to build a new Cyber-Planner. A child's brain, with its infinite potential, is perfect for our needs. But we no longer need the children. The Cybermites have been scanning YOUR brain, Doctor. It's quite remarkable. (walks towards the DOCTOR and he backs away) DOCTOR: Also completely useless to you. Cybermen use human parts. I'm not human. You can't convert non-humans. WEBLEY: Well, that was true a long time ago. But we've upgraded ourselves. Current Cyber units use almost any living components. WEBLEY opens his hands to reveal Cybermites. He throws them at the DOCTOR. They crawl up him and into him. He cries out in pain as he is bent over backwards against the table as he is "upgraded". He stands up with a gasp when the process is done. He has metal webbed across the left side of his face. DOCTOR: (deeper voice) Incorporated. Yes. (pats himself down) Unfamiliar pulmonary set-up. Nervous system hyperconductive. Remarkable brain processing speed. Ooh! Amazing! The DOCTOR'S body jerks as we hear an electronic sound. DOCTOR: (normal voice) Get out of my head! INT. DOCTOR'S MIND The DOCTOR'S mind is a neutral space with numerous equations and formulae floating around. The DOCTOR'S side is a warm brown and the CYBERDOCTOR'S side is a cold blue. The DOCTOR strides across the space to confront his "unwanted guest". Pictures of CLARA flash behind them. DOCTOR: Stop rummaging in my mind! CYBERDOCTOR: Just you try and stop me. Ooh, who's Clara? Why are you thinking about her so much? DOCTOR: Enough! CYBERDOCTOR: Fascinating. A complete mental block. Highly effective. INT. CYBERMEN BASE The CYBERDOCTOR whirls around. CYBERDOCTOR: Relax, relax. If you just relax, you will find this a perfectly pleasant experience. You are being upgraded and incorporated into the Cyberiad as a Cyber-Planner. DOCTOR: Get out of my head! INT. DOCTOR'S MIND DOCTOR: What is this place? A network? A hive? You're getting signals from every Cyberman everywhere. How many of you are there? INT. CYBERMEN BASE CYBERDOCTOR: Oh... this is brilliant! I'm so clever already, and now I'm a million times more clever. (spins across the room) And what a brain! Not a human brain, not even SLIGHTLY human. (leans against table) I mean, I'll have to completely rewrite the neural interface, but this is going to be the most efficient (leaps onto table, arms outstretched) Cyber-Planner! Not a great name, that, is it? I could call myself Mr Clever. So much raw data... Time Lords. There's information on the Time Lords in here! Oh, this is just dreamy! INT. DOCTOR'S MIND DOCTOR: Right, I'm allowing you access to memories on Time Lord regeneration. Images of the DOCTOR'S past incarnations flash behind them. CYBERDOCTOR: (claps hands) Fantastic! DOCTOR: I could regenerate now. Big blast of regeneration energy, burn out any little Cyber widgets in my brain, along with everything you're connected to. Don't want to. You diss me up, who knows what we'll get next? But I can. (points at CYBERDOCTOR) INT. CYBERMEN BASE CYBERDOCTOR: Stalemate, then. (strides across the room) One of us needs to control this head. We're too well-balanced. The DOCTOR'S body jerks as he regains control. DOCTOR: What did you say? No, no, no, I heard you. Rhetorical device to keep me thinking about it a bit more. Stalemate. INT. DOCTOR'S MIND CYBERDOCTOR: We each control 49.881% of this brain. 0.238 of the brain is still in the balance. Whoever gets this gets the whole thing. DOCTOR: Do you play chess? CYBERDOCTOR: The rules of chess are in my memory banks. You're proposing we play chess to end the stalemate? DOCTOR: Winner takes all. Nobody can access that portion of the brain without winning the game. The two shake hands. INT. CYBERMEN BASE CYBERDOCTOR: You can't win! His body jerks. DOCTOR: Try me. His body jerks. CYBERDOCTOR: You understand, when I DO win, the Cyberiad gets your brains and memories. All of it. His body jerks. DOCTOR: When I win, you get out of my head, you let the children go, and nobody dies. You got that? Nobody dies! INT. POWER STATION, BASEMENT A lone soldier, MISSY, is on patrol. She looks around nervously at every sound. SOLDIER: (over radio) Castle's clear. Missy, confirm status. MISSY: All clear in the power station. MISSY hears a clanking sound and sees a shadow move up ahead. She moves forward cautiously and hides behind some barrels. MISSY: It's Missy. Something's out there. SOLDIER: (over radio) What do you mean? Is it the Cyberman? MISSY: I don't know. I couldn't see it. It was only for a moment. Can I hide? Is it OK if I hide? The CYBERMAN appears. MISSY: (pulls her gun) DON'T MOVE! I'M IN THE ARMY! The CYBERMAN advances and MISSY runs and hides. The CYBERMAN passes her hiding place. It stops and turns around. Its hand drops to the floor and crawls away. MISSY takes a few deep breaths. She turns and screams just before the CYBERMAN'S hand jumps to her face. INT. CASTLE, GALLERY CLARA is striding along the gallery above the courtyard when BRAINS finds her. BRAINS: Erm, ma'am, Missy said she saw something, and then she went quiet. Ahead of her are PORRIDGE and the CAPTAIN with some other soldiers. They have some weapons spread in front of them. CLARA: It's on its way, then. Weapons! Show me. (squats) Only one gun? CAPTAIN: Cybermen have been extinct for 1,000 years. Even one Anti-Cyber Gun is a miracle. These things are hand-pulsars. (slips it on like a glove) Touch the back of a Cyberman's head, the electromagnetic pulse deactivates it. CLARA: What's this for? Just a mad guess here - it blows up the planet? CAPTAIN: Implodes it. There's also a trigger unit. (holds up thin cylinder) CLARA: I'll have that, then. (takes cylinder) Is there any other way to activate the bomb? CAPTAIN: It's set to respond to MY voice. I have the verbal code. CLARA: You will not activate it without a direct order from me. The CAPTAIN stands and walks around to face CLARA who also stands. CAPTAIN: I will follow my orders. CLARA: Your orders come from me. Don't they? The two women stare at each other. BRAINS: You'll need to sign for that trigger unit, ma'am. (holds out clipboard) CLARA: Thanks. (takes clipboard and signs) PORRIDGE: (holds a hand pulsar) Mind if I take one of these? Might be handy. CLARA looks over at him and smiles. The CAPTAIN is annoyed. CAPTAIN: Help yourself. I'll teach you how to use it. Upstairs. Now. PORRIDGE looks at her knowing that what is going to be said will not be good. The CAPTAIN leaves and he follows. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CYBERMEN BASE A chess board has been set up on the table. CYBERDOCTOR: There. That was easy. DOCTOR: The game... has just started. (moves a white piece) CYBERDOCTOR: Doctor... why is there no record of you anywhere in the databanks of the Cyberiad? (moves black knight) Oh. You're good. You've been eliminating yourself from history. You know, you could be reconstructed by the hole you've left. DOCTOR: Good point. I'll do something about that. (moves white knight) INT. DOCTOR'S MIND CYBERDOCTOR: The rules of chess allow only a finite number of moves. And I can use other Cyber units as remote processors. You cannot possibly win. DOCTOR: I can. I know things you don't. For example, did you know... very early versions of the Cyber operating system could be seriously scrambled by exposure to things, like gold or cleaning fluid? And what's interesting is, you're still running some of that code. CYBERDOCTOR: Really? That's your secret weapon? Cleaning fluid? INT. CYBERMEN BASE DOCTOR: Nope. Gold. (slaps the gold ticket on his face) Ho-ho! Like a charm. Right, you, Cyber... Webley. And you, kid... things. I'll bring the chessboard. Let's get out of here. (sweeps the pieces into his arms) INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY PORRIDGE looks at the pulsar on his hand. PORRIDGE: You knew it was me. CAPTAIN: I was in the Imperial Guard on Caspertine. Mostly just parades. But I had the honour to guard the old Emperor during the ice picnic. They are being watched by a Cybermite. PORRIDGE: When the snow bears came and danced for us. That was a day. CAPTAIN: We're a punishment platoon. We can't beat a Cyberman. The Imperium has to know what's happening. PORRIDGE: Like you said, the communicators are out. The only way you can report this now is to activate the bomb. CAPTAIN: Yes! PORRIDGE: And I forbid you to do that. CLARA climbs the stairs and joins them. CLARA: I don't get it. Why would you blow up a whole planet, and everybody on it, just to get rid of one Cyberman? (sits) PORRIDGE: We tried other ways. But they only work sometimes. So now we take drastic action. And it works. CAPTAIN: If you find a Cyberman and you can't destroy it immediately, you implode the planet. I was sent here because I didn't follow orders. I can make up for that. The CAPTAIN turns around and PORRIDGE looks at CLARA. The CAPTAIN picks up the bomb and CLARA stands and confronts her. CLARA: Put it down, I forbid you! PORRIDGE: Yeah. What she said. CAPTAIN: You ran away. I will do what I was brought up to do. Live for the Empire, fight for the Empire, die for the Empire. This is Captain Alice Ferrin, (pushes past CLARA) Imperial ID 19-delta-13B. Activate... A beam fires right at the CAPTAIN and she falls dead. PORRIDGE: Cyberman! Get down! Two soldiers run over and check for a pulse. EXT. CASTLE The CYBERMAN looks up at the galleries from outside before walking away. INT. CASTLE, HALLS CLARA leads the soldiers through the castle. CLARA: The Doctor said to get somewhere easily defensible. But if we stay in the castle, it'll pick us off one by one. We have to take it out. One of the soldiers, a heavyset man known as HA-HA questions her. HA-HA: Is that an order, ma'am? CLARA: (walks back) Yes. HA-HA: Good. CLARA: You know what to do. BRAINS: Pulse to the back of the head. Fry the brain circuit interface. CLARA: It's going to be hard to get in close enough. INT. WAREHOUSE A female SOLDIER slowly walks the floor watching for Cybermen. She sees a head and goes to pick it up only to be attacked by the rest of the Cyberman as it comes up behind her. It lowers her to the ground before replacing its head. In a different area, a Cyberman lowers two soldiers to the floor and makes for HA-HA who is standing just outside the door. HA-HA: I've heard about the Cybermen since I was in my cradle. I'm not afraid of you! The Cyberman moves towards HA-HA. CLARA: Now! HA-HA jumps out of the way and CLARA fires the pulse rifle, disintegrating the Cyberman. Standing, HA-HA laughs. CLARA looks amazed. The two soldiers stand, cyber-implants at their left ears. HA-HA: Hold it right there! CLARA: What's happening to them? (prepares to fire again) One more step, and I fire! HA-HA: Don't fire that. A pulse will deactivate them. Two soldiers come up on either side of the first two and use the pulsars on them, knocking them unconscious. HA-HA: And anyway... it's a waste of charge. We may need it again. CLARA: You don't think that was the only one, then? HA-HA shakes his head and they head back to the castle. EXT. CASTLE The DOCTOR is making his way to the castle. WEBLEY, ANGIE and ARTIE are following him. The soldiers surround him. He holds the chessboard in front of his face. DOCTOR: Don't shoot, don't shoot! (lowers board) I'm nice! Please, don't shoot! (sees CLARA) Hey, Clara, you haven't let them blow up the planet. Good job. CLARA: Did you get the kids? Are they all right? What's going on? DOCTOR: Bit of a good news/bad news/good news again thing going on. So... Good news - I've kidnapped their Cyber-Planner, and right now I'm sort of in control of this Cyberman. CLARA: Bad news? DOCTOR: Bad news - the Cyber-Planner's in my head. And DIFFERENT bad news - the kids are... Well, it's complicated. CLARA: Complicated how? DOCTOR: Complicated, as in walking coma. The DOCTOR hides behind the chessboard once again and ducks behind the children. CLARA hurries forward and looks at them both. She raises the gun. CLARA: Please tell me you can wake them up. DOCTOR: (sing-song) Hope so. CLARA: Other good news? DOCTOR: (backs away from CLARA) Well, in other good news, there are a few more repaired and reactivated Cybermen on the way. And the Cyber-Planner's installing a patch for the gold thing. No, wait, that isn't not good news, is it? Um, so... Good news - (holds chessboard over his head) I have a very good chance of winning my chess match. CLARA: (lowers gun) What? DOCTOR: I'll explain later. In a bit of a hurry. (starts up the drawbridge) Get me to a table. (stops and turns) And somebody tie me up! Need hands free for chess. (starts and turns around again) And immobilise me. Quickly. (runs into the castle) INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM The DOCTOR has set up the chessboard on a table in front of the throne. CLARA ties him to the chair, leaving his hands free. WEBLEY, ANGIE and ARTIE are standing on the floor facing him. DOCTOR: Right, that's good. I won't be able to move, but... hands free. Good. CLARA: You're playing chess with yourself? DOCTOR: And winning. The DOCTOR'S hand raises and rips off the golden ticket. CYBERDOCTOR: Actually, he has no better than a 25% chance of winning at this stage in the game. Some very dodgy moves at the beginning. Hello, flesh-girl. Fantastic! I'm the Cyber-Planner. CLARA: (walks around to face him) Doctor...? CYBERDOCTOR: Afraid not. I'm working the mouth now. Allons-y! Oh, you should see the state of these neurons - he's had some cowboys in here. Ten complete re-jigs. CLARA: You aren't the Doctor. CYBERDOCTOR: No, but I know who YOU are. You're the impossible girl. Ooh, he's very interested in you. CLARA: Why am I impossible? CYBERDOCTOR: Hasn't he told you? The sly devil. Oh, dear me. Soon, we wake, we'll strip you down for spare parts, then build a spaceship and move on. CLARA: More Cybermen? CYBERDOCTOR: They're waking from their tomb right now. You can either die or live on as one of us. CLARA: The Doctor will stop you. CLARA hears a scratching sound and looks down at the DOCTOR'S right hand that is writing on a notepad. It reads "Hit me". CYBERDOCTOR: He can't even access the lips. CLARA slaps his face. DOCTOR: Owwww! Ow! Oh, that hurt! No, stop! Enough! Bit of pain, neural surge - just what I needed. Thanks. CLARA: Why am I the impossible girl? DOCTOR: It's a thing in my head. I'll explain later. CLARA: Chess game - stakes? DOCTOR: If he wins, I give up my mind and he gets access to all my memories, along with knowledge of time travel. But if I win, he'll break his promises to get out of my head and then kill us anyway. CLARA: That's not reassuring. DOCTOR: No. CLARA: Please tell me you can fix what happened to the children. DOCTOR: Children. Yeah. They're fine. I mean, right now their brains are just in stand-by mode. CLARA: That is not fine! CYBERDOCTOR: Listen, right now, they have a better chance of getting out of this situation alive than you do. CLARA: Which one of you said that? CYBERDOCTOR: Me. Cyber-Planner. Mr Clever. Now, if you don't mind, I have a (pokes CLARA in the forehead) chess game to finish. And YOU have to die - pointlessly and very far from home. Toodle-oo. CLARA leaves. EXT. CASTLE, DRAWBRIDGE CLARA walks through the main gate followed by BRAINS, holding the gun. PORRIDGE is with the soldiers on guard duty. CLARA: Apparently there are more Cybermen on the way. BRAINS: There's at least a dozen more shots left in the gun before it needs to recharge. CLARA: We might have more than a dozen Cybermen to worry about. What's that cable? PORRIDGE: Power line for the park. CLARA: What'd happen if we dropped the end into the moat and turned it on? HA-HA: (smiles) Fry anything that entered the water. CLARA: Can Cybermen fly? BRAINS: No, ma'am. CLARA: First good news of the day. Do it. They lower the cable into the water and turn on the power. It bursts with power on contact and continues to crackle. The soldiers retreat into the castle and raise the drawbridge. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM The chess match continues. The DOCTOR moves a white piece before he jerks back in the seat. INT. DOCTOR'S MIND DOCTOR: Stop that! I felt that. CYBERDOCTOR: Of course you did. It's time to get up. Wakey wakey, boys and girls. Wakey wakey. INT. TOMBS The Cybermen awake and become active. They march out in the thousands. INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD CLARA, PORRIDGE and the soldiers set up a line of defense. CLARA rubs her hands in the chill and PORRIDGE hands her a cup of soup. PORRIDGE: There. Get that in you. Warm you up. CLARA: Oh, thank you, Porridge. As CLARA raises the cups to her lips, the DOCTOR calls from inside. DOCTOR: (O.C.) Oi, Clara! CLARA: (lowers cup) I'll see what he wants. Call me if there's any change. (heads inside) PORRIDGE: Right. EXT. PARK The Cybermen march towards the castle. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM The DOCTOR smiles when CLARA enters the room. She checks the children's responses by snapping her fingers in front of their faces. DOCTOR: Hey! Clara, there you are. Now, quick rundown. What's our weapons strength? CLARA: (walks over to the DOCTOR) One big gun, five of those hand pulsar units and a shiny black bomb that implodes the planet. DOCTOR: Yeah, yeah, that one. Now, tell me, does it happen, possibly, to have a remote triggery thing? CLARA pulls the trigger from her pocket and holds it up. DOCTOR: Brilliant. Pass it here. CLARA: No. DOCTOR: Why not? CLARA: In case you're not you right now. Or even if you are you, just in case. DOCTOR: Oh, don't worry. The Cyber-Planner's hibernating between moves right now. Sssh. CLARA: (leans over on table) Prove you're you. Tell me something only the Doctor knows. DOCTOR: Clara... I suppose... I'm the only one who knows how I feel about you right now. How funny you are - so funny... and pretty. And the truth is, I'm starting to like you in a way that is more than just... The DOCTOR leans in for a kiss and CLARA slaps him again. DOCTOR: Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! It's me! That really hurt! How did you know that was him?! CLARA: Because even if that WAS true - which it's obviously not - I know you that you would rather die than say it. Finish your stupid game! CLARA swings her right arm at him and the DOCTOR'S left hand reaches out and grabs it. CLARA: (tries to pull herself free) Doctor, let go. DOCTOR: I can't. He's got control of the left arm. (tries to regain control of his arm) Aaargh! Aaaargh! No! No! (the trigger is smashed to pieces against the table) Aaargh! Aaargh! Aaargh! CLARA: Doctor? DOCTOR: He got what he wanted. He destroyed the trigger. My move. CLARA: What do you mean, he got what he wanted? CYBERDOCTOR: He means... good news, boys and girls! THEY'RE HEERE! EXT. PARK The Cybermen line the walkway from the main section of the park to the castle. There are thousands, possibly millions. INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY CLARA leans against the wall having seen what they are up against. CLARA: One gun, five hand pulsars and a planet-smashing bomb that doesn't work anymore. BRAINS: Why not? CLARA: Broken trigger unit. BRAINS: But you signed for that. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM CYBERDOCTOR: I've learned so much from you, Doctor. It's been an education. But now it's time for the endgame. (Slams down chess pieces) EXT. CASTLE The Cybermen march on the castle, stopping at the moat. One steps into the water. Sparks fly from its body and it moves jerkily, bending over. INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY CLARA and the others laugh when they see their plan working. CLARA: Brilliant. EXT. CASTLE The CYBERMAN in the moat straightens. CYBERMAN: Upgrade in progress. The CYBERMAN continues to cross the moat and the others follow. INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY CLARA and the others laugh when they see their plan working. CLARA: Damn. (looks at the soldiers) Who's our best shot? HA-HA: Probably it's me. BRAINS hands the gun to CLARA who takes it over to HA-HA. CLARA: Shoot any of them who make it across. The rest of you, take defensive positions. (the soldiers head off) Porridge? PORRIDGE: Yes? CLARA: Keep yourself safe. As CLARA looks over the rail, PORRIDGE hurries away. INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD HA-HA and BEAUTY take up position across from the main gate. HA-HA fires as the first Cyberman comes through the door. They laugh. When more Cybermen make their way through the door, HA-HA and BEAUTY'S smiles fall. INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY PORRIDGE covers the CAPTAIN'S body. PORRIDGE: Alice Ferrin... you should have destroyed this planet when you had the chance. (picks up the bomb) INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM CYBERDOCTOR: They're nearly here. Now, you can take my bishop and keep limping on for a little longer. Or you can sacrifice your queen, and get the children back, but it's mate in five moves. And I get your mind. INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD HA-HA: Go! HA-HA and BEAUTY run to a different position. The Cybermen shoot the other soldiers as they run for cover. HA-HA fires at another Cybermen blowing its head to smithereens. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM DOCTOR: Take my queen. And give me back the children. (moves the queen) CYBERDOCTOR: Emotions! Can't you see what a foolish move that was? You've lost the game! DOCTOR: Kids! Back! Now! ANGIE and ARTIE fall to their knees. The CYBERDOCTOR takes the DOCTOR'S queen and kisses the piece. INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD HA-HA and BEAUTY run along the walls as they are fired upon. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM CYBERDOCTOR: Emotions, Doctor - all for two human children you barely know. And it was a pointless sacrifice anyway. ANGIE stands and looks around. INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD HA-HA shoots another Cyberman. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM CYBERDOCTOR: So, Doctor... do you think the children's death will affect your relationship with Miss Clara? PORRIDGE enters with the bomb. INT. CASTLE, UPPER GALLERY Cybermen chase CLARA and BRAINS, firing at them. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM WEBLEY turns to face the children. WEBLEY: Welcome to Webley's World Of Wonders, children. Now presenting delights, delicacies... and death. The CYBERDOCTOR hides a smile behind his hand. ANGIE: Doctor! PORRIDGE hurries over and applies his hand pulsar to WEBLEY'S leg. WEBLEY reflexively kicks PORRIDGE away and the man lands at the base of the table holding the chess board. WEBLEY'S cybernetics spark. DOCTOR: Angie, are you, OK? Just look after Artie, OK? ANGIE kneels beside her brother. INT. CASTLE, GALLERY BEAUTY is following a Cyberman, ready to hit it with her pulsar. Its head swivels around and she gasps in shock. INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD More Cybermen march through the main gate as CLARA, HA-HA and BRAINS are running across. HA-HA fires at the lead Cyberman, but it is only knocked back. CYBERMAN: Upgrade in progress. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM WEBLEY turns to face the children. DOCTOR: Your move. But before you take it, just so you know, sacrificing my queen was the best possible move I could have made. The Time Lords invented chess. It's our game. And if you don't avoid MY trap, it gives ME mate in three moves. CYBERDOCTOR: How? INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD CLARA picks up a mace to use against the Cybermen. HA-HA: I've got no charge left! The Cybermen advance and the three back away. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM CYBERDOCTOR: How? INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD CLARA swings the mace at the lead Cyberman. It grabs the mace from her hand and throws it to the ground as it continues to advance. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM DOCTOR: Oh, come on. Call yourself a chess-playing robot? CYBERDOCTOR: How? INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD CLARA and the others are backed towards the wall. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM DOCTOR: You figure it out! INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD CLARA and the others are backed towards the wall. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM DOCTOR: Or don't you have the processing power? Hmm? (twiddles bow tie) INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD CLARA and the others are pressed against the wall. CYBERMAN: Please stand by - you will be upgraded. Welcome to the Cyberiad. The Cybermen reach out their hands towards the three. CYBERMAN: You will be upgraded. Welcome to the Cyberiad. You will be upgraded... You will be upgraded... The Cybermen freeze, their hands a fraction away from touching human skin. CLARA, BRAINS and HA-HA laugh in relief. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM DOCTOR: What are you doing? CYBERDOCTOR: Doctor. Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor! I'm pulling in extra processing power. Three million Cyberbrains are working on one tiny chess problem. How long do you think it's going to take us to solve it? DOCTOR: That's cheating! CYBERDOCTOR: No, no, no, no, no. Just pulling in the local resources. INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD CLARA, HA-HA and BRAINS duck under the frozen arms of the Cybermen. CLARA: Woo-oo-oo. CLARA backs away from the first line and nearly runs into the second line with a gasp. They run from the courtyard. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM CYBERDOCTOR: There's no way you can get to mate in three moves. DOCTOR: Three moves! Want to know what they are? CYBERDOCTOR: You're lying! DOCTOR: No! (reaches over and takes pulsar from PORRIDGE'S hand) Move one - (reaches into pocket and pulls out sonic) turn on sonic screwdriver. (turns on sonic) Move two - activate pulsar. (uses sonic on pulsar) Move three - amplify pulsar. The DOCTOR slips the pulsar onto his right hand and lifts it towards his face. His left hand reaches across to stop the right, pushing it away. DOCTOR: See ya. (puts pulsar to his face) The DOCTOR'S body jerks as the energy runs through it. CYBERDOCTOR: That's cheating! The cybernetics on his face spark and he falls face-down onto the table. CLARA runs into the room followed by soldiers. The DOCTOR sits up, the cybernetics gone from his face. CLARA hurries to the DOCTOR. DOCTOR: Just taking advantage of the local resources. (throws pulsar over his shoulder) Ah, hello. Can someone untie me, please? CLARA: Do you think I'm pretty? DOCTOR: No! You're too short and bossy, and your nose is all funny. CLARA: Good enough. (unties the DOCTOR) What happened to the Cyber-Planner? DOCTOR: Out of my head and redistributed across three million Cybermen. About to wake them up, kill us and start constructing a spaceship. (gets up and hurries to the bomb) We need to destroy this planet before they can get off it. OK. (scans bomb) It has a fallback voice activation. PORRIDGE wakes and sits up. HA-HA: The Captain. But she's dead. ANGIE: I think you should ask Porridge. CLARA: Why? ANGIE: Well, he is the Emperor. I bet HE knows the activation codes. PORRIDGE looks down at the floor. CLARA looks between PORRIDGE and ANGIE. ANGIE: Oh, come on, it's obvious. He looks exactly like he does on the coin and on the waxwork, except they made him a bit taller, but... Look, am I the only one paying attention to ANYTHING around here? CLARA: You are full of surprises. (turns to PORRIDGE) Porridge? PORRIDGE: She's right. CLARA: So you can save us? PORRIDGE: We all die in the end. Does it matter how? The DOCTOR sets the bomb in front of PORRIDGE. BRAINS: What do we do? PORRIDGE: I don't want to be Emperor. If I activate that bomb, it's all over. DOCTOR: And if you don't, three million Cybermen will spread across the galaxy. Isn't that worth dying for? PORRIDGE: Doctor... DOCTOR: Three million Cybermen! INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD CLARA, HA-HA and BRAINS duck under the frozen arms of the Cybermen. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM PORRIDGE: The bomb, the throne, it's all connected. I just have to say, "This is Emperor Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, called Longstaff the 41st, the defender of humanity, imperator of known space. Activate the Desolator." (the bomb activates) And it's done. The DOCTOR scans the bomb with the sonic. INT. CASTLE, COURTYARD The Cybermen are on the march. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM PORRIDGE: It'll blow in about 80 seconds. Easily long enough for the Imperial Flagship to locate me from my identification, warp-jump into orbit, and transmat us to the State Room. (closes his eyes) INT. SHIP, STATE ROOM They are transported to the imperial spaceship. PORRIDGE stands on a multi-level dais. Behind him is a large window overlooking the planet. The DOCTOR, CLARA, ANGIE, ARTIE and the soldiers are on the floor. There are two techs standing at pedestals. DOCTOR: (looks around) Oh, yeah! Nice ship. Bit big. Not blue enough. (steps onto the dais and talks with PORRIDGE) Listen, there is a large blue box at co-ordinates six ultra 19P. I need it transmatted up here right away. PORRIDGE: Right. (looks at tech) Did you get that? The tech nods. INT. CASTLE, THRONE ROOM The Cybermen enter the throne room and march towards the bomb. It is counting down from 13. INT. SHIP, STATE ROOM Everyone steps towards the window. CLARA has her arm around ARTIE'S shoulder. PORRIDGE: And that's that. 76, 77, 78, 79... The planet explodes and they are knocked around from the blast. ARTIE, ANGIE and CLARA sit on the steps of the dais. PORRIDGE: Fairwell, Cyberiad. You know... it was GOOD to get away. Good to be a person and not to be lonely or Emperor of 1,000 galaxies, with everybody waiting for ME to tell them what to do. ARTIE: Can't you run away again? PORRIDGE: They'll be keeping a close eye on me this time. That's what happens when you're Emperor - loneliest job in the Universe. CLARA: You don't have to be lonely. Standing on the opposite side of the dais, the DOCTOR smiles at CLARA'S caring nature. PORRIDGE: I don't. (faces CLARA gets down on one knee) Clara... will you marry me? The DOCTOR is stunned by the question. CLARA doesn't believe it. CLARA: What? ARTIE: He said... ANGIE: She heard what he said. PORRIDGE: You're smart and you're beautiful, and I've never met anyone like you before. And being Emperor won't be as hard if you're by my side. And you'd rule 1,000 galaxies. The DOCTOR leans over PORRIDGE'S shoulder. DOCTOR: This sounds like an actual marriage proposal - tricky. Now, if you want my advice... CLARA: You - not one word. This is between me and the... Emperor. Porridge, I...don't want to rule 1,000 galaxies. Behind PORRIDGE'S back, the DOCTOR gives her a thumbs-up and a nod. PORRIDGE: Yeah. Silly of me. CLARA: I'm really sorry. ANGIE: But that's stupid. You could be queen of the universe. How can you say no to that? When someone asks you if you want to be queen of the universe, you say, "Yes." You watch. One day, I'LL be queen of the universe. PORRIDGE smiles at ANGIE'S declaration. PORRIDGE: (stands) Of course, I could have you all executed - which is what a proper Emperor would do. DOCTOR: You're not actually going to do that, though, are you...? PORRIDGE smiles and chuckles. DOCTOR: (points at PORRIDGE) Oh, you're...! Hey? PORRIDGE: Go on, get out of here, all of you, before I change my mind. The DOCTOR heads for the TARDIS and the children follow. CLARA stands and salutes PORRIDGE before joining them. PORRIDGE sits on the second step of the dais. INT. TARDIS CLARA leans against the console as the children say good-bye to the DOCTOR. ARTIE: (shakes the DOCTOR'S hand) Thank you for having me. It was very interesting. DOCTOR: My pleasure. Thank you for coming. (to ANGIE) Now, I've got something for you. (runs around the console) It's not from me, it's from the TARDIS. Ah! New phone. (gives ANGIE a mobile) ANGIE: Thanks! DOCTOR: You're welcome. ANGIE: Sorry I said this box was stupid. (shakes the DOCTOR'S hand before heading for the door) DOCTOR: Bye! (waves) ANGIE: Bye! ARTIE: Thanks, Clara. Thanks, Clara's boyfriend. The children wave good-bye and exit the TARDIS. CLARA walks over to stand beside the DOCTOR. CLARA: Thank you, Doctor. DOCTOR: For what? CLARA: Kids' day out, getting us off the planet alive, whatever you were doing with the Cybermen... The DOCTOR nods. CLARA: Good night. (walks to the door) See you next Wednesday. DOCTOR: Well... a Wednesday, definitely. Next Wednesday, last Wednesday... (CLARA leaves) one of the Wednesdays. Impossible girl. A mystery wrapped in an enigma squeezed into a skirt that's just a little bit too... tight. The DOCTOR gets a dreamy looks on his face. He shakes it off. DOCTOR: What are you? The DOCTOR turns around and set the TARDIS in motion. INT. SHIP, STATE ROOM PORRIDGE sits on his throne on the dais. PORRIDGE: Signs of any Cybertech remaining? TECH: No, Majesty. PORRIDGE: (twiddles thumbs) You ever wanted to be Emperor, Gloria? GLORIA: No, Majesty. PORRIDGE: That's the right answer. Come on. Let's go home. SPACE The space ship leaves the area. They do not see the Cybermite floating nearby.

Because Artie and Angie are blackmailing Clara, the Doctor decides to take the children to Hedgewick's World Of Wonders; however, it has long been abandoned since the Cyber-wars. Seeing strange insects, the Doctor decides to stay; at the same time, the Emperor of several galaxies has gone missing as well. Cybermites, the upgraded versions of Cybermats , graft a cybernetic piece to the Doctor's head, giving him a split personality, the Cyber-Planner; they agree to play chess to win complete dominance over their shared mind. The Cybermen, now faster and sleeker, capture Artie and Angie, putting them under their mind control. The Cyber-Planner makes the Doctor sacrifice his queen piece to free the children. The Doctor makes a half-bluff, getting a neural shock device, amplifying it, and frying the headpiece. Now free, the Doctor sees there's no way to stop the Cybermen unless they blow up the planet; Porridge, someone who worked with Wibbly to con customers, is revealed to be the missing Emperor. Porridge voice-activates a bomb, getting everyone and the TARDIS teleported to an imperial ship. Clara rejects an offer of marriage from Porridge and the Doctor returns everyone home.

fd_Queer_As_Folk_01x07

fd_Queer_As_Folk_01x07_0

(Scene opens with Justin and Daphne entering a piercing salon. A guy with tattoos all over him and piercings everywhere walks by them) Daphne: Did you see that? Justin: Kind of hard to miss. Daphne: It's so gross. (they look along the walls at the different things) Justin: I think it's cool. Daphne: I can't believe you're actually doing this...for him. Justin: It's not for him. Daphne: I mean, just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to-- Justin: He's not my boyfriend. I don't do boyfriends. Besides, half the kids in the school have their noses or their ears pierced. Ericka Jacobson even has her belly button pierced. Daphne: Ericka Jacobson is a whore. A-a-and it's dangerous. This girl in Texas, her boyfriend went to kiss her. His braces got caught in her tongue ring. Ripped it clear out of her mouth. Justin: (laughs and wipes his nose) Stuff like that always happens in Texas. Daphne: What about that guy with the stud in his nostril? Gangrene set in. He had to have his entire nose amputated. Justin: Urban legend. Woman: Who's next? (Justin looks at her. Cut to Justin sitting in the chair, the woman putting latex gloves on) Woman: Take off your shirt, honey. (he unzips his shirt) So, which one do you want, right or left? Justin: I don't know. Woman: You know, most guys like right. (she grabs some disinfecting stuff and rubs it on his right nipple) Okay. (She puts him under the light) Daphne: Excuse me, is-is this going to hurt? Woman: (holding up the needle) Of course. (Justin smiles, nervously) Okay, you ready? (He nods. She grabs his nipple with these clampy things and pushes the needle through) Justin: Ow! (he starts chuckling and looks down at it, mouth wide open. He smiles and looks at Daphne) (Liberty Diner. David and Michael are sitting in a booth, eating. A guy walks by and stares at them) David: Notice how practically every guy in here's been cruisin' us? Michael: I should have warned you that the clientele doesn't exactly come here for the five star cuisine. (The scene pauses as Michael talks) Michael: (voice-over) Everybody's always wishing they had a boyfriend. We all picture how he'd look, how he'd sound, how nice it would be to have someone to share your life, your dreams, your dental floss. (The scene unpauses) David: A little disconcerting when you're trying to eat. (Scene pauses) Michael: (v-o) So how come so few of us have one? That's because we're lying. (scene unpauses) Most of us couldn't committ to a houseplant, how are we suppose to committ to having a boyfriend. Michael: (to David) You should see what it's like when Brian comes here. (David makes a face) I'm so sorry. I promised I would not mention his name for ten minutes. David: I'd settle for five. (Michael smiles) And you've got to stop smiling like that. Michael: Like what? David: Like that. It makes me want to come across the table and eat you like a dessert. Michael: Would you like some whipped cream with that, sir? (David laughs. As they're about to kiss, Debbie walks up) Deb: Stay away from that onion, honey. Especially if you two are planning on goin' at it all night. Michael: Ma, what are you doing here? Deb: Tryin' to pay my bills. You got a problem with that? (David points to her. Michael gets up and gives her a kiss) David: This-this is-this is your, uh... Michael: Mother. Deb: (shakes David's hand) I'm Debbie. And you're...goddamn gorgeous is what you are. Michael: Ma, this is David. I thought tonight was your night off. Deb: I, uh, Lorraine got food poisoning. I think it was the shish kebab.(points down at what David's eating as he's about to take a bite. She laughs as he puts the fork down) I'm just kidding! (Michael play laughs with her and makes a cutting motion with his hand. Debbie does the same and shuts up) Deb: Okay. Gotta get crankin'. Got a lot of hungry boys to feed. (Michael takes a drink as Debbie lifts up a tray full of food) Jesus, my back is killin' me. David: Hey. (gets up behind her) If you lift...from your knees...takes the pressure off your back. You feel that? Deb: Yeah, I'll remember that. You're an angel. David: No, I'm a chiropractor. Deb: You're a doctor? David: Yeah. Deb: (she puts the tray back down. to Michael:) You're dating a doctor? How long were you planning on hiding him from me? Michael: As long as I could. Deb: (to David) You're coming for dinner, tomorrow night. Michael: He can't. David: I can't? Michael: You got plans. (to Deb) He's got plans. He's very busy. David: Debbie, I'd love to. Deb: Good for you. I'll see you there, seven-thirty. David: Okay. (She walks off as David starts laughing. Michael giving him a look) (Justin's house. His mother and father are talking about him. Jennifer's sitting down while Craig is standing) Jen: Craig? Aren't you going to say anything? (pause) Craig: Justin's not gay. Those nude drawings you found, they're probably just an assignment for art class. And the underwear, I'm sure he just bought it for himself. Jen: It's not his size. Craig: (scoffs) Still, that's no reason to suspect that he's-- Jen: He told me himself. Craig: So what. That doesn't mean anything. A lot of kids think that. They're confused. They're scared. Jen: He's not confused. He's not scared. He knows. (Craig sits down) Jen: The same way we've always known. Craig: No. No, I have not always known. Jen: At least suspected. Craig: No, you suspected. He's not gay. He's--- Jen: What, sensitive? Different? Artistic? Craig: He's his own person. You know, not every kid is the quarterback on the football team. Jen: I think you better talk to him. Craig: (chuckles) And say what? "Y-you're mother thinks you're a homosexual"? Jen: Before he gets himself into trouble. Before he exposes himself to God-know's-what. If he hasn't already. Craig: Wait. You're saying he's doing things? Jen: He's...seventeen. How naive can you be? Craig: So why didn't you tell me? Jen: I promised him I wouldn't. Craig: Oh, that's terrific. (he gets up and starts walking off) Don't I have a right to know what's going on around here? (shouting) Hey, Justin! Jen: He's not here. He says he's going to Daphne's, but I know he's not. Craig: So, where is he? Jen: The other night I found him in a gay bar. Craig: I don't f*cking believe this, Jen! You let him go to these places?! Jen: I had no idea. Craig: Well, I'm putting a stop to this right now. Jen: Uh, there's more. Well, he's seeing someone. (pause) Craig: So, who is this kid? I'll call his parents. Jen: He's not a kid, he's a man. (pause) His name is Brian Kinney. (silence) (Woody's. Brian and Michael are playing pool as Ted and Emmett watch) Emmett: I say, if it walks like a boyfriend... Ted: Talks like a boyfriend... Emmett and Ted: Then it must be a boyfriend. Brian: Would you two please shut the f*ck up. I think it's great that Mikey's got a steady. Michael: He's not a steady. We went out twice. Ted: Around here, that's a long term relationship. Emmett: Next thing you know, you'll be exchanging rings. Ted: Mmm. And then they'll be one of those committment ceremonies where, like, all two hundred of the guests have slept with one, if not both, of the happy couple. Emmett: (laughs) Just, um, promise me you won't wear matching white suits. Michael: There is no way that is ever going to happen. Emmett: Well, then, I suggest you watch out for the warning signs. (Emmett comes up beside Michael and puts his arm around him) Michael: What warning signs? Ted: Like when he brings you flowers. Emmett: Or, uh, or invites you away for a romantic weekend in the country. Ted: Not that you'll see much besides the bedroom ceiling. Brian: Your shot, Mikey. Emmett: Oh! Or the most tell-tell sign of all...when he meets your mother and, uh, she invites him over for dinner. (Michael hits the ball off the table when he hears that one--just as Justin walks up, catching it) Brian: Something the matter? Michael: I lost my grip. Justin: Guess what I got today. Brian: A new bell for your bicycle? Justin: A nipple ring. (He pulls his shirt up to show it to him) Brian: Every piece of trash has something stuck through their ear or their nose or their belly button. Or their cock. What makes you think I'm even remotely interested that you have a ring through your tit. Michael: It's late. I got work. Brian: Don't forget about this Friday. Justin: What's this Friday? Brian: You're too young to know. Justin: Tell me. Ted: Just some heathen ritual called "Studs N Suds." Justin: "Studs N Suds?" What's that? Emmett: Well. (clears throat) First they flood the dance floor at Babylon with soap suds. Ted: Then everyone strips down to their undies. Emmett: Or less. And dances. Cheek to cheek. (he bumps Ted's hip with his) Justin: That sounds awesome. Ted: It's disgusting. Emmett: See you there? Ted: Can't wait. Emmett: Mmm. (Michael starts to leave) Brian: You better be there, too. Michael: Don't worry. (he leaves) Emmett: Guess who's head over heels? Ted: You mean heels over head. (They leave) Justin: Does Michael have a boyfriend? Brian: That's none of your business. Justin: I just wanna know. Brian: (grabbing Justin's nipple) Well, don't stick your tit in where it doesn't belong. Justin: Ow. (Justin's room. Craig cautiously walks in and starts looking at the pictures on Justin's walls, etc.) (Cut to Brian and Justin f*cking in Brian's loft) (Justin's room. Craig flips through a magazine and Justin's sketchbook) (Cut to Brian and Justin f*cking again) (Craig's still looking through the sketchbook) (More f*cking) (Craig finally finds the nude pictures Justin drew) (Even more f*cking) (Craig finds a photograph of Brian and Justin, Brian's arms around him and tugging on his ear with his teeth) (Brian and Justin f*cking) (Craig sits on the bed, holding the picture) (Cut to Brian and Justin and then back to Craig, just sitting there.) (Michael and Emmett's place. Michael's in the bathroom, getting ready, as Emmett watches. There's knocking at the door) Emmett: Ooh-ooh! That must be Prince Charming. (he opens the door to find Brian) Make that the wicked witch. (Brian walks in) Michael: What are you doing here? Brian: I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat. Michael: I'm goin' to my mom's, remember? Brian: Oh, right, din-din with Doc. I forgot.(he sits down at the table) Michael: He's going to be here any minute so you better go. Brian: (opens a box) What's this? Michael: Chocolate eclairs from the Big Q Bakery. I bought them for dess-- (Brian downs one in one bite) Emmett: Wow, it takes years of practice to develop technique like that. Michael: (grabs the box) Look, I know you don't like him, but-- Brian: Who said I don't like him? And why do you give a f*ck what I think? Emmett: I've been saying that for years. Brian: What matters is what you think. If you like him, that's all that's important. Even though he is (looks at Emmett) quite a bit older than you. Who lives in a world you know nothing about. Emmett: Shut up. Michael: Are you saying he's too good for me? Brian: Nobody's too good for you, Mikey. You're better than anyone. (he goes over to him) Michael: Because he happens to think I'm hot. You know, some people do. Brian: Haven't I always told you that? (He kisses Michael on the mouth as someone knocks on the door) Emmett: I'll get it. (Emmett starts walking over to the door as Brian rushes past him. It's David) Brian: Dave, buddy. We were just talking about you. (David enters with flowers in his arms) David: Really. Hi, Emmett. Emmett: Hi. Michael: Hi. (they kiss. He notices the flowers) These are great. My mom'll love these. David: (laughs) Her's are in the car. Those are for you. Emmett: (in Michael's ear) The second sign: flowers. (louder) I'll just put these in some water. (Emmett goes into the kitchen as David looks a little confused) David: Everything all right? Brian: He's allergic to boyfriends bringing bouquets. (David looks over at him, sharply) David: Well, we better go. (clears throat and opens the door) Don't wanna be late. Brian: (grabs the box of dessert) Don't forget this. (gives it to Michael) Have fun, you two. (They leave as Brian sits back down at the table) (Justin's house. Craig, Jennifer and Justin are all talking) Justin: (to Jen) You said you wouldn't tell! You promised! Jen: Justin, I had no choice. I had to tell Daddy. Justin: You lied to me. You said you wouldn't. Jen: It was for your own good. W-when I saw you with this Brian-- Justin: You keep calling him "this Brian." Like that's his name. It's just Brian. (pause) Jen: When I saw you with Brian...his arms around you, kissing you. I couldn't believe it! Not for the reason you think. It's not right for a man his age to be touching you...to be having s*x with you. And...even though you may think you...love him...I'm sure he doesn't love you. Justin: That's not true. Craig: He's an adult. It's illegal for an adult to have s*x with a minor. Jen: Honey, it's not your fault. We don't blame you. We understand this man en-enticed you. Justin: He didn't entice me. I wanted him. Craig: Justin...god! You-you're too young to know what you want. Jen: Craig, please. You promised you'd stay calm. Craig: I-I am calm. And what about AIDS? Justin: He wore a condom. I put it on him myself. (smiles slightly to himself) Craig: Oh, god! I'm calling the police. Jen: You're not calling anybody. That's all we need is for everybody to know. Craig: What, you want this monster, this...child molester, to go free? Justin: He didn't molest me and I'm not a child! (pause...Justin looks at his mom) Justin: I love him. More than anything else in my life. It's all I want...is to be with him. Craig: I...don't ever wanna hear you say that again. And you are not to see him. Justin: I'm going to see him. I don't care what you say. (he starts to leave) Craig: I don't think so. (he starts to follow him) No you're not, Justin. (shouts) Hey, Justin! (Jennifer stands there and watches as they walk off) (Deb's house. Debbie, Vic, Michael and David all sit at the kitchen table, eating spaghetti) Deb: Have some more Carbonara, David. David: I'm stuffed, thanks. Deb: Oh, come on, with that body you can afford a carbo-load. Vic: Yeah, you must work out all the time. David: Well, when I can. Deb: Feel those biceps. (she does) I could never resist a hard body. (chuckles) Like mother, like son. Vic: Like uncle. Michael: Like, will you two please leave him alone. Next you'll be asking what kind of car he drives and how much he makes. (David laughs as Debbie and Vic look at him, expecting an answer) David: I drive a Jag, and I'm comfortable. (there's a pause as Deb looks pleased) Vic: Michael, if you don't marry this man immediately, I will. David: (changing the subject) I think I will have a little more. (Both Michael and David get more pasta) Michael: Me, too. Deb: (chuckles) It's like Lady and the Tramp . David: Lady and the Tramp? Deb: It's Michael's favorite movie. Michael: When I was nine. Deb: (chuckles) See, Lady and Tramp go on this date to an Italian restaurant. And then the waiter-- Vic: Tony. Deb: What else would his name be? (her and Vic laugh) Brings over this big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. And, um, and they put their head in the bowl. They're dogs. (David laughs and gives Michael a look) And they come up with this one single strand of spaghetti. And then they chew and they chew and... Vic: They get closer and closer... Deb: Until finally their lips meet. Michael: It is, in my estimation, the greatest screen kiss ever. David: Yeah, I-I remember it. Like this. (David puts his napkin on like a bib and grabs a strand of spaghetti. He gives one end to Michael and puts the other end in his mouth. They eat the strand and meet in the middle and kiss) Deb: That's even better than the movie. (They sit there, looking at each other lustfully. Vic hits Debbie, signaling them to leave them alone. They get up) Michael: You wanna see my old room? David: I'd love to see your old room. (Michael takes a sip of wine and they bolt upstairs) (While in Michael's room, they're making out) Michael: Be gentle. (David laughs as they get on the bed, making out some more) David: I've been waiting all week to do this. Michael: Mmm. Me too. David: Just hasn't been any time. Michael: I know. It's hard...(David laughs) finding time. (David laughs harder) David: I got a solution. Michael: Uh-huh. David: I got a solution. How'd you like to go away with me for the weekend? (silence) Michael: Huh? David: I got a cabin up in the woods. Michael: Will I get to see anything besides the bedroom ceiling? David: (laughs) Word of honor. What do you say? (They're lying there, about to kiss, when they hear Debbie yelling from downstairs) Deb: Say "yes," you little asshole, or I'll disown you! (David starts laughing) Michael: Like I said, it's a very small house. (David laughs some more as they kiss) (Brian's loft. He's on the computer, in a chat room, giving someone his number. Seconds later, the phone rings) Brian: (on phone) Six Fuller, corner of Tremont. It should take you...ten minutes. One for every inch. (He hangs up as there is knocking on the door. He answers it and finds Michael) Brian: You got laid. Michael: (smiles) I did not. (he walks in the loft) Brian: Yes, you did. I can always tell. I thought you and Dave were having dinner at Deb's. Michael: Dinner's over. Brian: What, did she scare him off? Michael: Actually, she and Vic were on their best behavior. Brian: That's even scarier. Listen, you can't stay. I've got someone coming over in approximately seven and a half inches, so... (they get up and start walking to the door) I'll see you tomorrow. At "Studs N Suds." Michael: I can't go. That's what I came over here to tell you. (pause) David invited me away with him for the weekend. He has a cabin. Brian: Well, what do you know. Just like the boys said: Flowers, dinner at mom's, and now an invitation to the country. Michael: You're mad. Brian: Why would I be mad? I mean, who wants to be on a crowded dance floor surrounded by naked men covered in soap suds when you could be breathing all that fresh, country air? (the phone rings) Just don't forget to take your inhaler in case your asthma attacks. Must have gotten lost. (on phone) I told you, six Fuller, corner of Tremont. Now get your ass over here. I've got this new dildo...nine inches long, seven inches round. I'm gonna open up your hole with it and I'm gonna f*ck you so hard your eyes roll back in your head. (we see Craig on the other line, not saying anything, just listening. He hangs up and it goes back to Brian, who also hangs up) Michael: You ever considered a career in phone sales? Brian: Get out of here. (he ushers him outside and closes the door. The phone rings again. He answers it) Now what? (pause) Didn't you just call? Wait, that wasn't you? [SCENE_BREAK] (Cut to Craig, standing alone in the center of his house) (Michael and Emmet's place. Michael's on the phone, calling in sick, while Ted eats a banana and Emmet's trying to help Michael pack) Michael: (on phone) It's my neck again. I can barely move it. (Emmett walks in with two shirts) Emmett: Do you want the periwinkle or the apricot? Michael: (covers phone) Shh! Emmett: (in a whisper) I think the apricot goes better with your eyes. Michael: (he makes a face and starts talking on the phone again) Uh, yeah, I-I think it'll be better in a couple days. Uh. Oh, don't worry. I definitely plan on seeing my chiropractor. (Emmett laughs) Thanks. Thanks. Bye. (he hangs up) Ted: You know what grows when you lie. Emmett: Too bad it's your nose. Michael: I'm entitled to a couple of personal days. Ted: Michael, you're entitled to a personal life. (throws banana peel away) Emmett: All right, have we got everything? Michael: Uh, five pairs of jeans, seven shirts, four sweaters and ten tees. Ted: How long you goin' for? Michael: The weekend. Ted: All right.(he goes over to Michael and starts going through his suitcase) One change of undies. A pack of condoms. Tube of lube. There, you're all set. (Emmett and Michael laugh) Michael: Remember when my mom took me to Atlantic City, and I got sick on all that salt water taffy? Emmett: (to Ted) Listen to him. He's got cold feet already. Michael: I'm not getting cold feet. I just...don't know what you do for a whole weekend. Emmett: Well, let's see. First you arrive... Ted: Then you f*ck. Emmett: Then you unpack... Ted: Then you f*ck. Emmett: Then you go berry picking. Ted: Then you f*ck. Michael: I mean after you f*ck. Emmett: You talk. You get to know each other. Michael: What if I run out of things to say? What if I say some stupid remark and he says, "W-why am I up here with this jerk?" Or what if-- Emmett: Hey, hey! Would ya please stop worryin'. (pause) Michael: I just want him to like me. (another pause) Ted: He already does. He more than likes you. (silence) Emmett: So you go. And you have a fabulous time. And bring us back some berries. (Emmett puts his arm around Ted. Michael starts laughing as Emmett starts grabbin' Ted) Ted: That's...not my berries. (Casa de Lesbos [ Scott Lowell]. Brian is writing a check to Lindsay--for Gus) Brian: How much? Lindsay: Two thousand. Who knew it would be so expensive having a kid? Brian: Obviously we didn't. Lindsay: Can I tell you that I love you to death? Brian: Hmm. You and Melanie really are after my life insurance. Lindsay: And that you are exceedingly generous. (She reaches over to give him a kiss on the cheek as he gives her the check) Brian: Oh, you know, I barely have enough left for "Studs N Suds." Lindsay: Oh, is that this weekend? You going with Michael? Brian: (he gets up) Michael went to the country with the proctologist. Lindsay: Chiropractor. Brian: Whatever. Lindsay: (getting up) Oh, sounds romantic. (Brian's putting his jacket on as Lindsay walks up to him) Peaceful walks, cozy fires. Brian: Stepping in bear sh1t, being stung by mosquitoes. (chuckles) I guarantee you after two days, he'll wish he was back here with me at Babylon. Lindsay: I wouldn't be so sure. He might actually like a change of scene. Not to mention someone who actually wants to be with him. Brian: You know, I told him, "I'm glad you're going out with Dave." He can't spend the rest of his life tricking and going to clubs. It's time he settle down...and grew up. Lindsay: (laughing) You are so full of sh1t. You can't imagine why two people would want to be together, can you? Brian: The desire to fall asleep in front of Jay Leno and argue over who's turn it is to pick up the dry cleaning? Lindsay: It's called not wanting to be alone. Knowing that you're loved. Apparently a lot of us need that. Including Michael. So promise me you won't f*ck it up for him. (Brian leaves as Lindsay waves) (St. James Academy, boys locker room. Chris and various other boys walk in) Chris: (to guy) You ran into my lane, you stupid ass. Guy: I couldn't see you. I forgot my contacts. Chris: (to guy) Faggot. (he walks further in and sees Justin, who doesn't have his shirt on yet--you can see his nipple ring) Hey, Taylor. Aren't you gonna take a shower? Justin: I have to finish a paper for Nessler. You know what a bitch she is. Chris: (opens his locker but looks at Justin) Don't you wanna check out all the guys' dicks? I know how much you like that. (Justin looks down as Chris spots the nipple ring) Hey, what's that?(he walks over to him) Justin: (walking away) Nothing. Chris: (pulls him back) Let's see. (looking at the ring) Where'd you get that? Justin: Piercing parlor on Liberty Avenue. Chris: sh1t. You really are a queer. Justin: (putting his shirt on) I am not. Chris: Yeah, then why do you have a nipple ring? Justin: I wanted it. Chris: Yeah, so your fudge-packin' friends can pull on it while they're butt-fucking you? Justin: How do you know so much about what faggots do unless you are one? (Chris pushes him against the locker and Justin punches him in the mouth. Chris punches Justin back) Guy: Fight! (They're trying to get to each other as the rest of the boys are pulling them back) Chris: Come on! Motherfucking bitch! Come on, you f*cking son of a bitch! (Justin spits blood at him. Chris gets really pissed) Chris: Come on, you f*ck! I'm gonna kill you, you fucking-- (The boys continue to hold them back from each other) (David's cabin. David and Michael drive up and get out of the car) Michael: Wow. You really built this place yourself? David: Most of it. I'm good with my hands. (They laugh as they start walking to the front door) Michael: Yeah, I've noticed.(takes a deep breath) Forgot how good fresh air smells. David: When was the last time you were in the country? Michael: We visited a dairy in the third grade. David: That's a long time. (David laughs. Michael looks around a bit before they go inside. Once inside, David throws his arms out) David: Make yourself at home. I'm just gonna throw this bag upstairs. (He puts the bag of groceries he was carrying on the table, puts his keys down and heads upstairs with a duffle bag. Michael looks around and spots a fish hanging on the wall) Michael: (calling up to David) So, did you catch that fish or challenge it to a duel? David: I-I caught that with some friends down in the Florida Keys. (Michael puts his bag down and starts looking around some more. He spots a picture of a woman and a little boy) Michael: Who's this? David: (coming down the stairs) My ex. Michael: Ex-scuba diving instructor? Ex-figure skating partner? David: Ex-wife. (There's silence as Michael looks down) Michael: She's pretty. (he puts the picture back up) I didn't know you were married. David: (grabbing a different picture) Yeah. Seven years. (holds the picture up) And that is my son, Hank. He's twelve now. (Michael's shocked) He's, uh...living with his mom down in Oregon. (he sits down) I don't get to see him too much anymore. Michael: So you weren't always gay? David: No, I was always gay. Just didn't want to admit it. (Michael nods) And being the over achiever that I am, I figured that if I worked hard enough, I could become anything I wanted. Including straight. So I married Laurie. A-and for a long time we were happy. Built this place together. But eventually it became harder to...to deny who I really was. Who I am. (smiles) So I told her. (he puts the picture down) I-I-it was the only fair thing to do...for either of us. Michael: She must have been really upset. (silence. David gets up) David: After we split up...(clears throat and puts the picture back up) after we split up I promised myself that I would...well, that I would be honest with me...(Michael nods) and that I would always be honest with anyone else that I love. Which, I guess, is why I'm telling you. (They stand in silence as David goes in to kiss Michael. They embrace after the kiss) David: Whoa. You all right? Michael: (looking a little woosy) Must be all this fresh air. (chuckles) (They hug again) (Babylon: Studs N Suds! Emmett is on the dance floor, dancing, as Ted and Brian stand on the side and watch) Ted: Aren't you gonna dive in, join the fun? Brian: I already took a bath, but if you want to jump in, I promise I won't look. Ted: You and everybody else. Emmett: Hey, you two wallflowers. (blows soap suds at them) Come on in, the suds are great! (dancing with a guy) Look what I found. My rubber ducky, quack, quack. Brian: (laughing) That's pathetic. Ted: I thought Studs N Suds was your favorite contact sport. Brian: What, a bunch of fags sliding around in their shorts? Ted: You always seem to enjoy yourself when Michael was here. But I guess it's not as much fun scoring without your little audience of one, is it? You know, as the great French philosopher Roquefort, or-or was it Camembert, once said: "It is not enough to trick. Your best friend must also go home alone." Brian: f*ck you. (he gets up to leave) I haven't thought about Michael once tonight. Ted: Hey, what do you know, just like when he's here. (As Brian leaves, Ted stands there, watching the action) (Cut to Brian walking outside of Babylon, going to his car. A guy walks up to him) Guy: Hey! You remember me? Brian: Why, should I? Guy: We did it at the baths a couple weeks ago. (Brian looks at him) Brian: I must have been very desperate. Guy: f*ck you! (a near-by group of guys start "ooh"ing as Brian gets in his jeep) Who the f*ck do you think you are?(Brian drives off as the guy hits the side of the jeep) f*ck you! (Cut to Brian, in the jeep, stopping at a four way stop. He turns the music off and starts searching for a tape of something he likes. Out of nowhere, a car comes up behind him and rams into the jeep. Brian hits his head on the steering wheel and cuts his head. The car starts backing up, stops, revves it'ss engine and goes for it again) Brian: (yelling) What are you doing, you crazy f*ck!?! (He hits the side of the jeep and drives off) (At the cabin. Michael and David are in the woods having s*x. They finish and kiss) David: Oh, god, that was incredible. Michael: (laughing) And they said I'd never be any good at outdoor sports. David: (laughing and panting) Oh. (starts to get up) Michael: Don't go. Don't go. David: Okay. But I have to warn you, a girl scout troop comes through here every day. Michael: Holy, sh1t! David: (laughing) I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We can stay here forever if you like. Michael: I'd like. You know, I was really nervous about comin' up here this weekend. David: Oh? Michael: (nods) But it turns out I had no reason to be. David: Good. So we can go away together again some time. Michael: (sucks in air) May-be. David: You ever been skiing? Michael: Not really. David: When was the last time you were in New York? Michael: Uh, like, never. David: London? Paris? The Amalfi Coast? Michael: Try Atlantic City, 1983. David: Michael, Michael. There's a whole world outside Liberty Avenue. I'd like to show it to you, if you'd let me. (pause) But first...(they kiss) we swim. (he gets up) Come on! (Michael smiles as David starts running to the water) Come on! Come on! Whoo! (jumps from a tree branch) Whoa! (laughs) Michael: I'll be right there! (Water splashes in the background as Michael pulls out his cell phone and calls Brian, who is laying in bed, reading a magazine) Michael: Guess what I'm doing? Brian: Uh, rubbing pink stuff all over the poison ivy you got when that bear chased you through the woods. Michael: Basking in the afterglow of having just made love to David under a tree. Asshole. Brian: (laughs) That sounds like Falcon video pack seventy-seven: Man's Country. Michael: (laughs) It was incredible. I've never had s*x outdoors before. Brian: Sure you did. In the back alley behind Babylon. Michael: I don't mean the kind that takes five minutes, with your pants around your knees and your butt against the bricks. So how was your weekend? Brian: (Brian lights a joint) Dandy. Michael: Yeah? How was Studs N Suds? Brian: Bubbly. Too bad you weren't there. Michael: Okay, what's going on? Brian: Nothing. Michael: You can't fool me. Out with it. Brian: (sighs) Only if you promise you won't let it spoil your weekend. David: Michael, hurry up! Come on, it's warm! Michael: Right there! (on phone) What? Brian: I was in an accident. That's all. Michael: What kind of accident? Brian: I wouldn't f*ck this scumbag so he rammed my jeep. Twice. Michael: Christ, are you okay? Brian: Well, I have a minor head wound and a concussion. Michael: Oh my god! Brian: Now you promised you wouldn't let it spoil your weekend, so don't even think about cutting your trip short and coming back here. (David walks up to Michael) You and doc just enjoy your poke in the pines. Bye, Mikey. (he hangs up) (Michael hangs up the phone also) David: Are you coming in? What? What's up? Michael: I have to go back. (Justin's house. Craig is in the garage, looking at the busted up front of his car. Jennifer walks in and sees the car) Jen: My god, what happened to the car?! Craig: Just some asshole in a jeep backed into me. (Justin comes in) Jen: Well, I--did-did you get his information? Craig: It was dark, honey. He drove off before I could see him. (Justin starts walking off) Where are you going? Justin: Out. Craig: No, you're not leaving this house. Justin: What, so now I'm a prisoner? Craig: I heard what happened at school, Justin, yesterday. You're principal called. Justin: So? (he walks up to his father) Craig: So? So now you're flaunting yourself in front of everyone? Justin: I was not flaunting myself, dad. Besides, Chris Hobbs is the one who started it. Craig: You know, I don't care who started it. You're not going back there. (he starts walking inside) Jen: What? Craig: We're sending him away to school. It's time you learned some discipline. How to be a man. Justin: (smiles) I know all about discipline. And you should see me take it like a man. (Craig slaps Justin) Jen: (gasps) Craig! (she goes to Justin) Justin: It's all right, mom. It didn't hurt. If you want to hit me, go right ahead. Only I'm not gonna cry like some little faggot. And if you want to send me away, that's all right, too. 'Cause I bet more butt-fucking goes on in boarding school than in the back room of Babylon. But whatever you do, it's not gonna matter...'cause I'll still be your queer son. (He walks off down the driveway. Jennifer tries to say something but is too frustrated and also walks off, leaving Craig standing by the garage) (Brian's loft. Lindsay, Melanie, Ted, Emmett, Justin and Brian are all there. Brian is on the couch as Lindsay brings him something to drink) Lindsay: Have some tea. (hands it to him) Brian: Ah, it's too hot. (hands it back) Ted: Here, put this ice bag on your head. (puts it on) Brian: Th-that's too cold. (takes it off) Mel: What are you, Goldilocks? Emmett: (thermometer in hand and talking in a weird voice) Time for your temperature! Roll over! (everyone laughs) Rrrr---(he tries to put it down there) Brian: You're not stickin' that thing up my ass. Ted: That accident must have really jarred your brain. Brian: It wasn't an accident. That asshole kept ramming me. Mel: Did you get his license? Brian: It was dark. Justin: What kind of car was it? Brian: I don't know. Some silver thing. Justin: Oh my god, it was my dad. I know it. (Brian laughs) When I saw his car, it was totally smashed. Mel: Hmm. (looking at Brian) Now why would your father do something like that? Justin: Because my mom told him everything. He wants to have you arrested and send me away. Brian: Don't be a drama princess. Lindsay: You better be careful, just in case. Brian: (scoffs) Don't worry about me. (he gets up) I'm invincible! (hops off the couch) Mel: Yeah, you also got a concussion. Brian: Well, f*ck it. (he turns on the stereo) It's party time. (he grabs Justin and goes to dance in the center of the loft. Lindsay and Melanie start making out on the couch) Emmett: Come on, Teddy. Shake your groove thang. (Michael and David walk into the loft, seeing Brian and Justin dancing and everyone else having a good time) Brian: Hey, guys. Join the party. Michael: I though you were really hurt. Brian: I am. David: Michael insisted we come right back. Brian: I told you not to. Michael: I know, but-- (David leaves) Brian: Don't go after him, Mikey. Don't ever go after anyone. (Mel leaves to go after him and shuts the loft door as David is in the elevator) Mel: Sorry. David: For what? Mel: Brian. I know what it's like, his manipulations. David: He gets a real kick out of that, doesn't he? You know, I should just turn, walk away and never come back. Mel: Well, that's one option. Unless, of course, you think Michael's worth fighting for, which is what you're gonna have to do. David: Thanks for the advice. Mel: Yeah, I like doing pro bono work. Reminds me I have a heart. David: (opens the elevator thingie) What is it with Brian Kinney? I mean, sure, he's good looking, but a lot of guys are good looking, and he's got his f*cking charm, but we all have that when we want it. But what is it with him? Mel: Well, now, Lindsay says it's that he'll do anything, say anything, f*ck anything. No excuses, no apologies, no regrets. David: In other words, he doesn't give a sh1t? (He nods his head and then closes the door again) (Babylon. Emmett and Ted are talking as Brian inhales a popper and gives some to Michael. David walks in) Ted: There's David. (He walks up to Michael and Brian and puts his arms around them, inhaling some of the popper, too) David: Ah, is there some room in your dance card for me? Michael: Sure! David: Not you...you. (he points to Brian) (David grabs Brian by the arm and starts leading him away) Brian: (looking at Michael) Why, doc, I thought you'd never ask. (Michael looks shocked. David and Brian start to dance. Michael goes over to Ted and Emmett, looking back at David and Brian) Emmett: Man. David looks hot! (Michael looks at Emmett) Ted: Why is he dancing with Brian? (Michael looks hurt as they dance some more) Brian: You don't dance half bad. David: I dance damn good. I haven't done it for a while. Brian: You should go out more often. David: Yeah, well, there's nothing here that interests me. Brian: Well, then why are you here? David: I came to see you. You know, for a guy who was on death's doorstep, you made a remarkable recovery. (They stop dancing and just stand there) Brian: Well, I believe in the power of prayer and...drugs. David: I told Mikey you'd be all right, but he had to come running back. Brian: What can I say, he's a sweetheart. David: That's because you're all that matters to him. You're his world, his life. Everything he thinks about, everything he dreams of, everything he knows. Brian: He's my best friend since we were fourteen. David: That's sixteen years of waiting. He's been waiting so long he actually thinks he's happy. But you and I both know that he's never gonna get what he really wants, is he? Brian: (confused) And what is that, doc? David: For you to f*ck him. (Brian smiles) And don't tell me you don't know it. And you love knowing it, don't you? Brian: You've been around for, what, a week? You think you know him? (Brian looks at Michael across the dance floor. Emmett puts his arm around Michael as David looks over at him, too) You don't. David: I'd like to. But I never will as long as you're around. Maybe I should just disappear. (Brian raises his eyebrow) You'd probably like that. And he probably wouldn't think twice about it...but i'm not going to. I'm not going to disappear. Because I want him. Even more than you don't want me to have him. So if you're really his best friend, give him a chance to be happy...to have a life. His own life. Let him go. (They stand in the middle of the dance floor, staring at each other, as everyone around them dances)

Debbie meets Dr. David; Michael and Dr. David spend a weekend in the country; Justin's father learns the truth and decides to send Justin away to school; Brian's emotional hold on Michael and dislike for Dr. David intensifies.

fd_Alias_03x10

fd_Alias_03x10_0

(We see the ending of the last episode, with Sydney in memory regression with Brezzel. She walks through a corridor and comes to a door marked "47" -- as she walks through she looks stunned and only says, "Oh my God..." but we cannot see what she is looking at. Finally, the camera pans around and we see Will Tippin standing there, behind a kitchen counter holding a glass of orange juice. There is a box of cereal in front of him on the counter. Pan back to Sydney, who still looks shocked.) SYDNEY: Will!? What are you... (her voice trails off) (Cut back to Will, who just stares at her. He looks rather angry at her. Cut to Sydney who looks down at the cereal box in front of him. We see the front of the box, it reads, "St. Aidan flakes" and there is a picture of a smiling sun. The smiling sun then winks at her and we pan back to Syd's reaction. She looks puzzled and looks back to Will.) SYDNEY: Will, what does this mean? (Cut back to Will, who is still standing there, mute. We then cut back over to Sydney and we see white lights start flashing around her head. We hear a strange muffled yell and Syd looks pained. We then cut directly to Sydney waking up from memory regression. There are brainwave monitors on her forehead and she is wearing headphones. She wakes up gasping for breath, and we see Brezzel's hand administering something from a syringe into her arm. She is confused and looks over to Brezzel, Vaughn and Jack who are standing beside her.) SYDNEY: What happened?! VAUGHN: We're pulling you out... BREZZEL: We gave you a shot of 10ccs of adrenaline... SYDNEY: (breathing hard and looking frantic) Why?! BREZZEL: To wake you up... SYDNEY: No... I was... JACK: (interrupting) Syndey, I'm not going to let this kill you! SYDNEY: Dad, I have to go back! I saw something... VAUGHN: You're just going to flat-line again! You are not going back! (Brezzel is trying to examine Sydney, removing the headphones and monitors and flashing a small light in her eyes. Jack and Vaughn are standing beside her on the opposite side of the table. Everyone is talking quickly and the camera moves back and forth between them all as they speak.) SYDNEY: (still lying down) I was in my old apartment... I was there with Will! JACK: Did Will say anything? BREZZEL: (under his breath) I don't understand this reaction... SYDNEY: No, nothing... but there was something... (she sits up) BREZZEL: The cocktail mixture really needs to be adjusted, you know... and... p... please don't do that... (holding up his hand to halt Vaughn) (Vaughn helps Sydney down from the table and interrupts Brezzel as he speaks) VAUGHN: We're outta here! BREZZEL: Th... those are her... VAUGHN: (interrupting) You're not going to put her through this again! BREZZEL: (speaking quickly & mumbling) ... monitors... but I'm sure I can give her something... SYDNEY: Will knows something... (speaking louder) Will knows something, dad! (Cut to Jack, who looks concerned) JACK: Alright Sydney, we'll contact the witness protection program (dials a number on his cellphone) (Cut back to Sydney, who suddenly looks panicked again) SYDNEY: Wait... no... dad! (Cut to an airplane flying through the night sky. We then hear Sydney's voice and we cut to her inside the plane with Vaughn and Jack.) SYDNEY: Pulling Will out of witness protection... could be dangerous to him. JACK: I'm not suggesting we pull him out. I'm suggesting you simply contact him. He knew Allison, he was there the night you were abducted. (Pan over to Vaughn, who is sitting opposite Sydney and Jack, listening to them talk and looking concerned and tense. Cut back to Sydney talking to Jack) SYDNEY: You'd know if he knew anything. Will must've been debriefed by the CIA before he went into the program. JACK: Not by you. You'll go see him, recount your dreams, see if we can get another clue to your missing time. (Cut to Sydney, who is looking at the ground, obviously torn between wanting to protect Will and finding out what happened to her over those missing two years.) JACK: Contacting Will puts him in no danger. SYDNEY: Maybe not... I just don't want to pull him back into this. (she gazes out of the plane window) JACK: Sydney, you have to do this. (Sydney still looks unconvinced. Pan to Vaughn.) VAUGHN: You look like you were struggling towards the end. What was happening? SYDNEY: (not looking at him) While I was under... I... fought myself. (she looks to Jack and then to Vaughn) I killed myself... (Vaughn looks uneasily at Sydney, and then looks to Jack, who is looking directly at Sydney. Jack looks up and exchanges a glance with Vaughn, then looks back at Syd) SYDNEY: And I heard myself say that it was The Covenant that had me. And that it wasn't an accident that I don't remember... JACK: Dr. Brezzel commented that based on the data he'd compiled, he believed the memory of your missing time has been... removed. SYDNEY: (quietly) What...? JACK: And that however your memories were extracted, the precision with which it was done indicates you may have been a willing participant. (Cut to Sydney who looks over to Vaughn and then back to Jack, obviously confused) SYDNEY: I don't understand... VAUGHN: Yeah, neither did he. (shaking his head slightly) (Sydney looks alarmed and curious.) (Cut to next scene. We see an aerial view of Los Angeles during the day and then we move into an alley with a parked car at one end. There is an unknown man, dressed in a black trenchcoat standing in front of the car. We see another car pull up, and the camera pans back to the man in black. It is Sloane. He watches the car approach. The second car stops and we see two men get out. It is Jack and Vaughn, both looking very serious. The three stand together.) JACK: Lindsey still biting? SLOANE: Lindsey clearly has his suspicions, but his agreement to go along with the trade seems to confirm that he's accepted the idea that Sydney's being held by The Covenant. (Pause) Where is Sydney? JACK: Pursuing another lead... SLOANE: (nodding slightly) Result of meeting the doctor... then he was helpful? (Cut to Vaughn, who speaks bitterly) VAUGHN: Despite the fact that he almost killed her, yeah, the doctor was great. (Sloane looks directly at Jack and doesn't respond to Vaughn.) JACK: The NSC is expecting one more call from The Covenant to set up the time and place for the exchange. (Cut to Sloane's expressionless face, still staring at Jack) JACK: Sydney for the Rambaldi device... SLOANE: And you want me to make the call, representing The Covenant? JACK: Yes. We're heading back to the CIA to disabuse Lindsey of any suspicion that we've been in contact with Sydney. In the meantime, I've instructed Sydney to contact you when she's ready to return. (Cut to Sloane. He nods slightly. Jack pauses and then looks at Vaughn, turns around and begins walking back to get in the car. Before Vaughn leaves, he addresses Sloane.) VAUGHN: I just wanted to say, for the record, concerning this... exchange. Sydney's life is in your hands... if you betray her... I swear to you, no matter what it costs me, I will kill you. SLOANE: (expressionless) No need to worry, Agent Vaughn... I love her, too. (Cut back to Vaughn who looks slightly angered and guilty) WISCONSIN (We see a large building under construction, with girders and cranes and materials lying about. We hear jackhammers and we zoom onto one of the floors inside to see construction workers milling about.) CONSTRUCTION WORKER: (talking to another construction worker who we cannot see) Jonah! Hey! C'mon, quit being management, will you? Let's go get a bite to eat. (The camera pans around and we see that he is talking to Will.) WILL: You know, I gotta finish this schedule by tomorrow. Where are you guys goin? Sampsons? CONSTRUCTION WORKER: Yeah. I'll save a seat for you, but you know how the women get around me, right? (smiling) WILL: (smiles back) Yeah, I do. Yeah. Probably no room for me! (Will turns and sits down at a table, busying himself with some building plans) CONSTRUCTION WORKER: (leaving) See you later... (Will continues to work and the camera pans around to the opposite side of the room. We see Sydney, dressed in flannel, walking in. She looks nervous. She stops when he is finally in full view and gazes at him working. He doesn't look up. She finally works up the courage to speak to him.) SYDNEY: Hi... (We cut back to Will, who has stopped working but still hasn't looked up. He slowly turns his head and looks at her, he looks guarded. Cut back to Sydney, who is trying to hold back the tears.) SYDNEY: I know... (shaking her head and speaking softly) (Cut back to Will, who is incredulous. He stares at her and slowly stands up, never taking his eyes off her. He looks stunned and he begins walking towards her. Cut back to Syd) SYDNEY: Listen... WILL: (interrupting) You're dead... SYDNEY: I want to tell you everything... (Will swallows and continues to stare at her, not believing what he is seeing.) SYDNEY: Is there somewhere we can talk? WILL: (pause) Yeah... sure... lemme just go get my stuff. (Will turns away from her as if to get some equipment. We see a very relieved Sydney smiling at him. Will leans over and reaches into a gym bag and her expressions changes to one of horror when she realizes he is grabbing a gun. He turns quickly, the gun pointed right at her.) SYDNEY: Will... what the hell are you doing...?! WILL: Sydney Bristow died in a fire two years ago... SYDNEY: (talking over him) Will, I swear to you... WILL: I know about Project Helix...! SYDNEY: I swear to you... WILL: (yelling) I know what you are! SYDNEY: I'm not a double! WILL: How the hell did you find me?! SYDNEY: (speaking quickly) My father knows your case officer... WILL: What's his name?! SYDNEY: I dunno... WILL: (yelling louder) What's my case officer's name?! SYDNEY: Will, I don't know! I didn't talk to him... WILL: Down on your knees! Get down on your knees! (Dropping to her knees) SYDNEY: Okay...! (Will turns slightly and picks up his cellphone that is sitting on the table where he is working and begins to dial a number) WILL: I'm gonna call Langley and tell 'em you're here... SYDNEY: (now very desperate and pleading with him) Will, you can't do that! I'm a fugitive! That's part of what I'm telling you... if you make that call, you'll burn me! WILL: (sarcastically) Oh, that's convenient. SYDNEY: Wa... wait... okay, okay. Listen! Listen... when... when we thought you were a double, you told me to ask you something only Will would know. (Cut to Will, who still has the gun pointed at her and has the phone up to his ear.) SYDNEY: Ask me something! Ask me something obscure! (Will closes the cellphone and puts it down. He is thinking...) WILL: When I had my job interview for the newspaper, something happened to me that day. I told you about it... what was it?! SYDNEY: Someone bumped into you in the elevator, they spilled coffee on your new, white shirt. You were freaked, but Lynn Fack said it made you look like a working reporting... she gave you the job! (Cut back to Will who looks stunned. He slowly begins lowering the gun... Sydney then suddenly jumps up and whacks him a little, taking the gun from his hand. She stands up and points it at him. Will looks terrrified.) SYDNEY: You know if I wanted to hurt you, I could. (Cut to a stunned Will and then back to Sydney, who speaks as though she is trying to hold back tears). You're my best friend... you're my oldest friend... I love you... (Will stands there, looking confused and hurt. He looks to the gun, still pointed at him.) WILL: Why're you aiming the gun at me...? (Sydney immediately drops the gun and it looks like it finally sinks into Will's head that it is really Sydney.) WILL: Oh my God... (Syd rushes towards him and embraces him tightly. Will hugs her back closely -- he looks very happy and relieved and she cries on his shoulder.) (Cut to a car driving through the rain. As the car passes, an unknown man walks behind it toward an unknown destination. We can only see the bottom half of the man. He reaches a parked car and knocks on the window. The man in the car rolls the electric window down... it is Lindsey. The unknown man walks around to the other side and gets in... we see it is Sloane.) SLOANE: I've found a marksman. LINDSEY: How much? SLOANE: (flatly) 500,000. (He pulls a note out of his pocket and hands it to Lindsey) Wired to this account. (Lindsey nods slightly) LINDSEY: Done. (He looks out the window for a moment) There is no margin of error here. If Sydney Bristow somehow survives this, I will turn over the dossier of your extracurricular activities to the Justice Department. (Cut to Sloane, who turns slightly to gaze at him, yet says nothing.) (Commerical break) NEW HAVEN, CONNECTICUT (We see what appears to be some abandoned warehouses, and then we are cut to a shot of Dr. Brezzel sitting inside, typing away on a computer. We are back in Brezzel's lab. There is a loud knock at the door and Brezzel looks up, slightly surprised. He walks to the door and opens it, only to see Sark standing there.) SARK: Dr. Brezzel... BREZZEL: Yes...? (Sark quickly points a gun at him and shoots him in the left leg. Brezzel yells and drops to the ground. Sark walks in.) (Cut to outside view of small diner - we hear Will's voice and then we cut inside to see Sydney and Will sitting inside, eating some food and talking) WILL: Considering everything, I suppose I was lucky... I woke up in the bathtub... place was on fire... I crawled out. A few days later I woke up in the hospital. (Cut to Sydney's face, she is listening intently - then cut back to Will who continues recounting the story of how he survived and went into Witness Protection) WILL: The fact that I wasn't actually dating Francie, that it was her double, I thought that was like the number one most insane story of all time. But... (shaking his head slightly) yours actually tops it... (grinning at Syndey) SYDNEY: (looking very serious) She survived... (cut to Will, his smile quickly fades into a look of anger) SYDNEY: Allison Doren... the woman you thought was Francie. She's working with a group called The Covenant. We think they're the one's responsible for kidnapping me... setting the fires... (Will looks as though he is choked-up and struggling to contain his emotions) WILL: You know... I uh... I've always thought of myself as a pacifist. The idea of taking someone's life is just... inconceivable.(slight pause) But if I had the chance to kill Allison... (Cut back to Sydney who looks pained by Will's admission) SYDNEY: (shaking her head) I never woulda come here if I didn't have to... WILL: Are you kidding me? (smiling lovingly at Sydney) You're like the most beautiful thing I've ever seen... (Cut back to Sydney, who is now smiling warmly back at Will) SYDNEY: I went to see a doctor. He had this sort of dream-therapy he thought might help me remember what happened to me. I was hoping you could help me make sense of it... you were sitting in my old apartment, there's a box of cereal on the counter. The box had a name written on it... something I kept seeing in the dream. St. Aidan... WILL: St. Aidan was a contact of mine... when I was an analyst at the agency. (Cut to Sydney who looks shocked) WILL: Yeah... St. Aidan was his codename. SYDNEY: What was his real name? WILL: I never knew it... yeah, a uhh... an arms-dealer put me in touch with him. SYDNEY: Do you remember how to contact him? WILL: Yeah. He would only meet with me... you know, I can go in there again... SYDNEY: (interrupting) No... WILL: ...I can go in there alone... SYDNEY: (interrupting again) No... you're not... WILL: ...yeah, well maybe I am. Assuming you can even get ahold of him, he would only meet in person... SYDNEY: (interrupting again) I didn't come here to pull you back into this... WILL: (talking over her) I spent the last two years of my life pretending to be somebody that I'm not... SYDNEY: It's not your fault, I didn't see... WILL: (cutting her off) You weren't sleeping with her... (With this Sydney stops trying to talk Will out of it and just gazes at him.) SYDNEY: When you made contact with St. Aidan, what was the protocol? (Cut to new scene. We see Will entering a phone-booth and hear his voiceover, explaining the protocol to contact St. Aidan and actually doing what the voiceover says to do.) WILL: I'd dial a number... an answering machine in Bucharest. When it picked up, I'd dial a confirmation code. I'd hang up and wait for him to call me back. (The voiceover stops and we're with Will in the phone-booth. The phone rings and Will answers.) ST. AIDAN: Yes? WILL: If you can, we need to meet. ST. AIDAN: (Russian accent coming through) Tuesday night, 11:00. Same location. (St. Aidan hangs up, Will hangs up, too.) (Cut to new scene. A man is strapped down to a table -- as the camera pans from his feet up to his head, we see Sark standing next to him. It is Dr. Brezzel. There is an IV-drip next to Sark going into Brezzel's arm. Sark leans over him to speak, Brezzel looks disoriented and scared.) SARK: Listen to me very carefully, doctor... I need to know what Sydney Bristow told you. BREZZEL: (Speaking slowly and with much effort. His speech is slurred.) Ssss...Sydney...? Bbb...brunette...she was the brunette... (He mumbles the last few words very softly and seems to be falling asleep - Sark slaps him in the face and he cries out a little.) SARK: Yes... she was the brunette. You helped her recover her memories. Tell me what she found. BREZZEL: Uh... the... uh... the morphine was very good. (Sark reaches for the IV-drip and appears turn down the dosage of whatever he is giving Brezzel) Like the old days when I... oh no, don't, don't... turn it off... SARK: Answer the question. Answer and then you'll get more. (Cut back to Brezzel's pained face) BREZZEL: She said she uh... she fought... herself. And that she... saw... uhh... her friend... Will. SARK: She saw Will in her dream? BREZZEL: Yes. The father... he said he would... call the um... call the witness... (Brezzel appears momentarily confused and then shakes his head slightly.) No... no... he'd call the Witness Protection... (Cut to Sark's pleased face and slightly worried face) BREZZEL: ...Division. Yeah... yeah... SARK: Do you mean Tippin's still alive? BREZZEL: Meaning... I really need some more morphine... I've earned it. Dontcha think...? (Sark reaches over and turns the dosage up very high. Brezzel watches his hand and looks panicked...) BREZZEL: Not so much! I could... (his face goes into shock and he quits speaking. He has obviously received a fatal dosage of morphine.) I could... uhh... (Cut to Sark, who is now walking away to leave Brezzel die. Sark walks off and Brezzel continues to object, but it's too late. The camera pans to a monitor with Brezzel's face on it and we watch him draw his last breath.) (Cut to aerial shot of LA in the daytime. Back at CIA we see Lindsey, Vaughn and Jack looking through some folders and talking. Vaughn and Jack are standing in front of a seated Lindsey, presenting him with findings on Sydney's "abduction.") JACK: As you know, a number of the video cameras were shot out. Those that were functional provided us with only marginal images of the men who took Syndey. VAUGHN: We ran the video through our database and came up with eight possible matches. Now two weeks ago, one of the suspects rented an A-Star helicopter from a dealer in Austin (he hands Lindsey a folder. Lindsey flips through it) JACK: Where he also recently purchased a warehouse downtown... we went there, but the building was only being used for storage. Boxes of fishing equipment... it was a dead-end. (Cut to Lindsey, who looks suspicious) LINDSEY: Fishing equipment... (a little sarcastically) Nice detail... (Camera pans back to Vaughn and Jack, who give each other a slight look. Jack reaches down and picks up an evidence baggie and hands it to Lindsey) JACK: The bullets The Covenant used are untraceable. The manufacturer hasn't actually made these shells for 15 years. (Cut to Lindsey, nonchalantly examining the bullet shells) LINDSEY: Oh... I reread your file... (stands up and walks over to his desk) I forgot, you were captured by East German intelligence agents. 1982? Yeah, wasn't your fault, of course. (Sits down on the edge of his desk) They got a tip that the CIA was on their tail, but you were unprepared. (Jack and Vaughn are both standing in front of him now) No back-up, no resources. Still... you convinced them your name was Aiken Osterburg, a history professor from Sweden. (Lindsey smiles sarcastically again) LINDSEY: They held you for two weeks and they never identified you as American... that's uh... that's impressive. (Cut to serious-faced Jack) JACK: We are talking... about the fate of my daughter. (Lindsey looks up at Jack, we see Vaughn shifting a little, looking uncomfortable. He looks to Jack. Jack and Lindsey stare at each other cooly.) LINDSEY: Where do you think she is? JACK: (shaking his head slightly) Don't... do this. (Lindsey smiles smugly) LINDSEY: Where do you think she...? (Before he can finish, Jack slugs him hard in the face. Lindsey yells and Vaughn immediately rushes to Jack to stop him. Two security guards rush in and break it up, hauling Jack and Vaughn out of the office.) VAUGHN: Jack... Jack! LINDSEY: Get him outta here! Take em into custody now! (nursing his hurt lip and looking really angry) WARSAW, POLAND (Cut to shot of a pier at night. Voiceover of Will talking to Sydney about St. Aidan impending arrival. The camera cuts to a shot of Syd and Will in an old warehouse preparing, Syd gives him a comm unit which he puts into his ear so she can monitor the conversation.) WILL: If St. Aidan does show... what am I supposed to tell him? SYDNEY: That you've just been given Code-Six clearance. That you want information about The Covenant. Last chance to bail out. WILL: What, are you kidding me? I love this stuff. (Will walks around the corner, leaving Sydney behind. She pulls out a hand-held monitoring device. She looks very concerned.) (Cut to daytime back in LA.) MARSHALL: (voiceover) Based on my analysis of the calls The Covenent made about the trading of the Rambaldi device for Sydney, sir... (We see Marshall and Lindsey walking through the CIA building. Marshall has a folder in his hand.) MARSHALL: Well... the voice-print analysis was unable to ID the voice, because whoever it was... they were using an anti-speech signal dramatization device... LINDSEY: (cutting him off) So you're telling me you've got nothing? (they stop walking and face each other) MARSHALL: Well... um... at the moment? Yeah, I uh... lack everything. Sir... LINDSEY: (looking ticked off) So we've got no way to verify that it was actually The Covenant making the demand for the trade...? MARSHALL: Well... you could say that the fact that we can't confirm it was them was confirmation that it was them... because it doesn't look like particularly stealthy Covenant behavior... uh... right (voice trailing off) (Lindsey turns to walk away) MARSHALL: Sir... Mr. Lindsey... one more thing... (Lindsey stops walking away and turns around to look at Marshall) MARSHALL: Alright... um... Listen, I know I'm just the, you know, the tech-guy and I'm no one to you... Sydney Bristow... means a lot to me. I just wanted your opinion if she's gonna be alright...? (Cut to Lindsey's face. He looks serious, yet slightly smug. He smiles slightly and looks to the ground, obviously acting the part of "concerned" colleague for Marshall.) LINDSEY: I'm doing everything in my power to bring this to a safe and swift conclusion. You have my word. MARSHALL: (looks relieved) Thank you... (Lindsey walks off) (Cut to Will, still standing in the warehouse waiting for St. Aidan. He looks a little nervous and paces while he waits. Will checks his watch, it is 11:11.) SYDNEY: (over the comm unit) Is he always this late? WILL: We just might of gotten blown off... (Cut to Sydney as she checks her watch. Then we hear a Russian voice coming through her comm unit and she looks up) ST. AIDAN: Mr. Tippin... (Cut back to Will, he turns around to face St. Aidan. The camera then goes back to Sydney who is watching Will through a small hand-held telescope. She pans her view over to St. Aidan... it is a white-haired gentleman, his hand is bandaged) WILL: What happened to your hand? (St. Aidan comes into full view now) ST. AIDAN: Another time perhaps... (Cut back to Sydney, still watching through her telescope. A look of recognition comes over her face... incredulously she says...) SYDNEY: Oh my God... it's Lazarey... (Cut back to Will, who is now speaking to Lazarey) WILL: It's good to see you again. I wasn't sure you'd come. (Cut back to Syd who is still watching them. We hear Lazarey's voice through the comm unit) LAZAREY: I would not have come at all... except... money is something I could use. (Cut back to Lazarey. He looks a little desperate as he talks to Will) WILL: Well, uh, we'll see what we can do about that. You should know I've been given Code-Six clearance... and I need to know about The Covenant. (Cut to Lazarey -- he looks surprised and a little frightened.) LAZAREY: Why are you asking me about The Covenant...? (Cut back to Syd listening through the comm unit) WILL: I thought that you would... LAZAREY: How do you think I even know anything about them? (Cut back to Will & Lazarey) WILL: Well... well, obviously you know something... LAZAREY: I cannot talk about Covenant... (turns to walk away) WILL: Wait a minute... excuse me... lives are at stake! (Cut back to Syd listening through the comm unit - we see Lazarey through the lens as he turns to leave again) LAZAREY: Yes, they are! We have nothing further to discuss... SYDNEY: Tell him Julia Thorne sent you... WILL: Julia Thorne sent me. (With this, Lazarey stops walking, and he turns slowly to face Will. We go back to Syd listening through the comm unit) LAZAREY: No... I don't believe you... (he starts walking away -- we cut back to Syd who gives Will more instructions) SYDNEY: Yell out the name Lazarey! WILL: Lazarey...? (he stops walking again) SYDNEY: Tell him Julia told you his name. That she needs to see him, that she trusts him, but she's in danger... WILL: It was Julia Thorne... (walking towards him) ...she told me your name. (Lazarey turns to face Will again - he looks alarmed, but he listens to Will) WILL: She needs to see you. She trusts you, but she's in danger... (Lazarey begins walking slowly towards Will) LAZAREY: Did they find it...? (Cut to Will, who looks puzzled.) SYDNEY: I don't know what he's talking about... LAZAREY: Have they been to Gratz...? (Cut to Will who looks like he's trying to figure out what to say.) LAZAREY: (looks panicked) I need to know if... (Suddenly, we hear screeching car tires. Lazarey and Will look towards the sound -- we see a silver VW van pull up quickly. Sark is in the front seat, he pulls out a tranquilizer gun and shoots Lazarey. As Lazarey falls to the ground, a yellow tranq-dart in his neck, we hear Sydney through the comm unit) SYDNEY: Will, get outta there! He's after Lazarey! [SCENE_BREAK] (Sark jumps out of the van and Will runs away. We then see Sydney coming around the corner, gun drawn and shooting at Sark. He sees her and jumps behind the open door of the van) SYDNEY: Sark! (Syd continues shooting at him, but he evades her. Will successfully hides himself and begins running away. As he starts to run, a blue sedan pulls up in front of him at a rapid speed. He stops, but soon we see it is Sydney coming to his rescue.) SYDNEY: Will! (Her gun is drawn right at Will - he suddenly drops to the ground and we see Sark directly behind him. Sydney shoots at him, narrowly missing him and Will manages to jump into the car and they get away. As they speed away into the night, we see Sark standing there watching them.) [SCENE_BREAK] WARSAW, POLAND - SAFEHOUSE (Cut to an outside shot of an old brick building at night. It looks like an old apartment complex. Inside we see Will and Sydney sitting at a table, discussing the meeting with Lazarey, drinking vodka and looking over documents together.) SYDNEY: I can't make sense of it. I mean... how we got to Lazarey, what he meant... what The Covenant wants... But they don't kill Lazarey, they tranq him. They abduct him, they wanted him... Lazarey asked if "they got it." So whatever's going on, there's the thing... WILL: Yeah... and there's someone else who's trying to find it. I mean, things don't really get any more vague than that, do they? SYDNEY: It's Sloane... it's obviously Sloane. WILL: (drink still in hand) Syd, you've been going over this since the beginning of time (making a hand gesture towards the documents in front of her on the table. Syd looks up at him) WILL: You'll figure it out. (taking a huge swig of vodka) SYDNEY: (going back to work) What makes you say that...? WILL: Because you're you... (Syd looks up at him and smiles slightly.) (Cut to new scene - we see an aerial view of a silver bus speeding over a bridge. We cut to the inside of the bus, it is carrying Jack and Vaughn - both handcuffed.) VAUGHN: Think that was the best move... punching Lindsey in the face? JACK: Based on the comments he was making, it was obvious that you and I were going to end up here no matter what we did. Whether I hit him or not... I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity. VAUGHN: (looking down at the floor and shaking his head slightly) We shouldn't have let Sydney go... JACK: Vaughn... VAUGHN: What? JACK: Sydney can no longer be your primary concern. VAUGHN: What the hell's that supposed to mean? JACK: I didn't bring his up to start a petty fight. The fact is, you and I have something in common. We've both suffered through the death of the woman we love, only to discover she was still alive. I know it's hard, but this isn't about you... and I will not allow my daughter to become your mistress. (Vaughn looks up at Jack when he says this with a look of surprise, anger and guilt written on his face.) VAUGHN: If that's where you think my concern for Sydney is headed, then you are even more cynical than I thought. JACK: If lightning strikes, Mr. Vaughn, and you and I get to walk free again... if you care about my daughter as you claim to... then push her away. Be cruel if you have to... make her despise you! Because your kindness tortures her... I can see it... what it does to her. And I won't have it... (Vaughn has a look of guilt and sadness as he looks to the ground again, unable to respond to Jack.) (We then cut back to Will and Sydney who are still at the safehouse. They have obviously forgotten about the work ahead of them and continued to drink vodka. They are both on the floor, with Will leaning against the bed and Sydney is lying down with her head in his lap. He has a vodka bottle in his hand and she is drinking from a glass. The mood has definitely lightened.) WILL: You... and Vaughn's wife work together... okay, now how the hell did that happen...? SYDNEY: Let's talk about you... beautiful painter lives in your building, and you haven't asked her out... why? WILL: Because Jonah's uh... recovering from a post-tramatic dating syndrome. After his last girlfriend dumped by ramming a bayonet into his lungs. SYDNEY: Hmmm... WILL: Let's go back to you... okay, you and Vaughn's wife... SYDNEY: Yeah... I hate her. I mean, I don't... she's nice... WILL: Yeah... SYDNEY: Yeah... (they both laugh at each other's miseries) (Cut back to Sydney's face, looking more serious) SYDNEY: But not because of her... (he looks down at her, concerned) It's just... I still love him... (Pan back up to Will's face, he shakes his head a little) WILL: (whispering) God... That sucks... (Sydney sits up and moves in closer to Will) SYDNEY: You know, Will... considering everything I think I'm pretty normal... (Her face changes and it looks as though she is about to cry, but she laughs it off a little) SYDNEY: I'm emotional... you try to be honest, but I've... I've never been a depressed person. (holding back tears again) Until now... (Will looks very concerned for her) WILL: I get it... SYDNEY: I mean, nothing has felt the same this year, and it's... it's... not just Vaughn... it's... you... and Francie (she begins to cry a little at the mention of Francie) SYDNEY: I dunno... WILL: What...? (She looks directly into his eyes) SYDNEY: I'm just alone. (Sydney begins crying more, and Will leans in to comfort her. He kisses her on the forehead and pulls her into his arms. She begins crying on her shoulder and he sooths her) WILL: It's okay, it's okay... (Sydney holds him tighter and nuzzles her face into his neck. With this, her face leans into his and he begins kissing her full on the lips. As they kiss passionately, the scene cuts fades out) BUENOS AIRES, AREGENTINA (Cut to a daytime scene, with a beautiful fountain and lush green grass. There is large brick building behind the fountain, which looks kind of a like some sort of university building. We cut to a black metal bench, there is a newspaper on the bench and a man is picking it up. As the camera pans up, we see a young dark haired man. The camera widens and we see Sloane sitting next to him.) SLOANE: Your target is a government employee... (The camera pans to show them both sitting there, appearing like they don't know one another. Sloane is gazing forward and the dark-haired assassin pretends to read the newspaper) ASSASSIN: When and where? SLOANE: When I know, you'll know. ASSASSIN: And just when I was beginning to believe the glowing press about you being such a... humanitarian. (Expressionless, Sloane turns to face him) SLOANE: You're a smarter man than that... (he stands up and walks away) MOSCOW, RUSSIA (Cut to a night-time scene. We see some large buildings behind a small bridge on the water. Cut to inside, where we see Lazarey constrained in a chair. There is a large man guarding the door. The door swings open and Sark enters. There is a small table next to Lazarey with some sort of instrument on it. Sark motions to the guard and the guard leaves. Lazarey just watches Sark, who walks over to him and sits next to him.) LAZAREY: Who are you...? SARK: (slight pause) You abandoned me as a child... the vague memory I have of you, you were physically abusive. (Lazarey looks mildly shocked, but doesn't respond.) SARK: Later in life, you left me 800 million dollars, should I go on... (Cut to Lazarey, who still looks as though he is unable to speak) SARK: (sarcastically) Hello... daddy... LAZAREY: (looking him squarely in the eyes) You were not grateful...? Your inheritance was not enough? SARK: I know the truth, and therefore I show no remorse seeing you like this... LAZAREY: I was an aparachick by profession, but a Romanov by blood. So are you... in part, that's why I staged my death... to give you the inheritance that is rightfully yours. SARK: That's wonderful spin... you should know that the inheritance that you'd hoped would buy back my affection now finances my employer... The Covenant. LAZAREY: (surprised) Julian... The Covenant... they are... true evil... SARK: (ignoring him) The man you were meeting with... I want to know exactly what you said to him. Every word. LAZAREY: (disgusted) Hrmpf... pathetic... (looks away from Sark) (Cut back to Sark who looks cooly angered. He pauses to watch Lazarey and after a few seconds, he turns to look down at the table next to Lazarey's chair. The camera pans down and we see a mini blowtorch, which Sark picks up and turns on. Lazarey turns to look him.) SARK: I'll give you a moment... (he holds the flame in front of Lazarey) ...to remember exactly what you said. (Lazarey can't take his eyes off the blue flame. He doesn't answer, and Sark stands up and approaches.) SARK: I'll ask you one more time... what exactly did you tell the man you were meeting with? LAZAREY: You wouldn't do something like this... not to your own father... (We then see the blue flame move in towards Lazarey's face. The camera cuts to Sark smirking sadistically and we hear Lazarey's screams...) (Cut back to the safehouse. We see Will & Sydney inside... in bed! They are lying there, looking up at the ceiling. Suddenly Sydney looks up, as though she has remembered something.) SYDNEY: (whispering) Oh my God... WILL: I know, it's weird... I've been waiting to do that for like eight years... SYDNEY: No... what you said before (sitting up in bed) ...about me being me... WILL: I don't remember... (She hops out of bed and begins to dress) SYDNEY: Lazarey asked if "they have it" -- have they been to Gratz... whatever it was that was hidden, whatever he was talking about... I obviously had it... I must've had it in Gratz... (She sits at the table and opens her laptop) SYDNEY: Whatever I did, if it was me, the choices I made were my choices. WILL: Oh... so if you had something to hide today, where would you hide it? SYDNEY: Exactly. WILL: Uh, well that depends on what it is, what the contents is... SYDNEY: Assume for a second that it's... information... data... video... something that can be stored. WILL: Well if it's something small, it can be hidden anywhere. (Sydney is typing away on her laptop, Will is still in bed) SYDNEY: Somewhere safe... WILL: Well, when Lazarey spoke, it didn't sound like it was someplace protected... (Sydney has on-screen a listing of banks in Gratz. She looks down the list) SYDNEY: I know, that's why I'm thinking bank or hotel safety deposit box... (she types in keywords "List of Hotels" and a list comes up) WILL: Well, how come? SYDNEY: Because that's where I'd put it... (she looks down at the list of hotels on her laptop) Where would I hide something...? (She sees a hotel named "Das Hotel Verlustzeit" and she clicks on it) SYDNEY: Wait a second... (A website for Das Verlustzeit Hotel pops up on her laptop.) WILL: What...? SYDNEY: Hotel Verlustzeit... (she continues to read the website) (Cut to new scene - we see Allison leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette and looking bored. We hear a door open and close, and we see Sark walking from behind her, cleaning his hands off with a towel. As he walks past her, he says...) SARK: We're going to Gratz. Hotel Verlustzeit. (She throws her cigarette on the ground and follows Sark out.) (Commerical break) GRATZ, GERMANY (Aerial view of a German castle-looking building - it is the hotel. In the lobby we see lots of young, hip, beautiful people milling about. There is a guy sitting on a couch with a guitar, and as the camera pans around, we see Sydney and Will. Sydney has a short fuchsia and black dress on, with a matching fuzzy coat and black sunglasses. She has a short black wig that flips out and the ends are tipped in fuchsia also. Will is wearing all black -- a leather jacket, a black stetson hat and sunglasses. He is carrying a guitar case, and is drinking a bottled beer. As they pass one of the hotel workers, he hands him the empty bottle. They arrogantly walk to the front desk.) FRONT DESK CLERK: Allo! Checking in? WILL: Yeah, of course (in British accent and looking bored) I'm here... she's here... we made it... (The front desk clerk pauses and looks at them both) FRONT DESK CLERK: And you are...? SYDNEY: We're the next big thing (also with a British accent)... (Will gives the clerk a cocky smile. We then cut to Syd and Will entering their hotel room.) BELLHOP: This way please... this is one of our finest suites... WILL: Yeah, yeah... (mumbling) it's all fine, we're fine... BELLHOP: The bar is um... over there (points) and the gym is on the sixth floor, open 24 hours. Of course you have a balcony... (Syd and Will have thrown their stuff on the floor, and Syd has gotten on the bed and start dancing. Will plops down on the coach in front of the bed as the bellhop continues to speak) BELLHOP: Um... fantastic view... (looking at Sydney) ... that should be it... Is there anything else I can get for you? (Sydney flops down on the bed) WILL: Yeah, thank you for asking... you're a lovely little man, isn't he... (points behind him to Syd) BELLHOP: Thank you... WILL: Yeah... sweetheart, um... two bottles? SYDNEY: Of what...? WILL: Champagne... four... two... two bottles? SYDNEY: One's good. WILL: Right... right... (he stands up and walks to the bellhop - he throws his arms over the much-shorter bellhop) WILL: (speaking quieter, to the bellhop) We're gonna get four bottles of champagne, okay? And I'm going to tip you like I ordered five. BELLHOP: Yes, sir. WILL: You know what I mean? BELLHOP: Yes, sir. WILL: You do, you cheeky little b*st*rd... (Sydney hops up out of bed and Will escorts the bellhop to the door) WILL: Cheers. (The bellhop leaves and Syd gives Will a funny look and walks to the door to peer out. When she gets to the door she shoots him a smile.) WILL: What...? What...? C'mon, if we're gonna do this, we gotta, you know, be legit about it. (She hangs to the "Do not disturb" sign on the door) SYDNEY: It's a little over-the-top... WILL: Over-the-top? I'm wearing seat-covering, there is no "over-the-top." Plus, I like champagne! (We see Will opening the guitar case. He removes the guitar to reveal Syd's laptop and some hacking devices) WILL: You keep forgetting, I live in Wisconsin now... I'm not squandering this... (Sydney grabs some hacking device from the guitar case, and picks up the television remote from the table. As she hands the remote to Will, she plugs the device into the back of the tv) SYDNEY: Pull up the on-screen check-out... (The television comes on with the check-out menu. Will uses the remote to select the check out options. Sydney jiggles something behind the television and Will boots up the laptop) WILL: You have to admit, my accent was pretty good. It was like... early Stones... SYDNEY: I thought it was Australian... (smiling) WILL: (chuckling) Shut up... I was like... (in his fake British accent) "yeah, I'm here, she's here, we made it." Okay, that's good. (laughing as he recounts their check-in and still speaking with a fake British accent) "Take a look at it... right, that's a love, carry on..." SYDNEY: (Sitting down to work) Let's get past these firewalls... (Will takes off his sunglasses and gets more serious.) SYDNEY: See if I was ever here... (looking up at the television screen) SYDNEY: Okay, we're in the system. WILL: Alright, what're we lookin' for? SYDNEY: Long-term storage contracts. The names of people who have things in safety deposit boxes, for example. (Names start popping up on screen, we move down the names until we see... Julia Thorne! Both she and Will look shocked.) WILL: Unbelievable... (We see Julia's name and a box number -- 023) SYDNEY: Box 23. Let's see if they have a floorplan online... WILL: What if they don't? (Floorplan pops up on screen) SYDNEY: Think positively. (Will looks at her in awe.) SYDNEY: Here we go... sub-basement. Just past the northeast corridor... WILL: What about security? (He hops up and grabs something out of the guitar case, Syd is busy studying the floorplan and doesn't even notice) SYDNEY: I'm almost done looping the surveillance cameras... Let's move! (They leave the room and start walking down the hall, carefully checking around the corners. They come to a locked green door with a security number-pad - Will applies a hacking device to crack the code and the door opens seconds later. They walk into the sub-basement containing rows & rows of safety deposit boxes. They stop at box 23 and Sydney takes a tube of lipstick from her purse.) WILL: I see, now you're primping... SYDNEY: Not exactly... (She takes the lipstick and draws a large square covering box 23. She then removes a small bottle and begins spraying the lipstick sqaure she just drew with something) SYDNEY: Stand back... (The lipstick square begins sizzling and suddenly it catches fire. It melts right through the metal and Sydney opens the box. Inside there is a small, six-sided metal box. WILL: What is that? (As Sydney reaches for the cube, it moves away from her. She looks momentarily puzzled until she realized the other end of the safety deposit box is also open and a magnet is pulling the cube away from her. As the cube clinks to the magnet, we see a hand reach in and remove the cube. Syd & Will look stunned, and we then see Sark's face peering at them from the other end, smirking. Sark winks at Sydney.) SYDNEY: Sark's got it...! (they turn to run) (They rush back through the green door and look down the hallway, trying to figure out the best way to pursue Sark. Will moves to one side of the hall and begins to walk away from her) WILL: Go! SYDNEY: Will you can't, you're not trained! (Will draws a gun and runs the opposite direction, ignoring Sydney) WILL: Go! (Sydney runs the opposite direction, hoping to cut Sark off. We cut to Will, who is half-running down the hallwas, holding the gun pointed down towards the ground. As he passes by a doorway, a supply-cart comes gets shoved out in front of him, Will flips over the top of the car and falls to the ground, dropping his gun. He reaches over for the gun, but someone kicks it out of his reach... the camera pans up and we see it is Allison.) ALLISON: I guess we have unfinished business... (She kicks him in the stomach while he is still on the ground. We then cut to Sark who is running down a different hallway, trying to escape with the cube. In hot pursuit is Sydney. We cut back to Allison and Will who are in the midst of a fist-fight. Somehow, Will has learned some martial arts moves and is keeping his own with Allison. He kicks her backwards and stuns her, flipping her around backwards. Out of his view, she pulls a knife out and begins lunging at him. Cut back to Sark still running from Syd, she is closing in on him. As he reaches the door at the end of the hallway, she catches up to him and kicks him in the back, sending him headlong through the door and onto the ground. He drops the cube and it clinks to the ground. Sydney peers down at him and as he tries to crawl towards the cube to grab it, she kicks him violently in the face, flinging him back to the ground. We then cut back to Allison and Will -- she kicks him backwards, but he jumps up and rips a long rectangular light from the ceiling and flings it back on her, sending her reeling backwards. He rushes towards her, and pins her against a wall, the knife still drawn between them. They struggle, both staring into each other's eyes with looks of utter hatred and anger.) WILL: This is for Francie... (Allison looks very ticked off and Will stabs her in the chest. She looks shocked, and as she slides down the wall, he steps backwards and lets her drop. Cut back to Sydney picking up the cube and examining it curiously for a moment. She begins running down the hallway again, and as the camera pans up, we see Sark unconscious on the floor behind her. Cut back to Will, who is bloodied and out of breath, still staring down at Allison. Sydney comes up behind him, she sees Allison's lifeless body on the floor.) SYDNEY: (out of breath) Will... Will! (He turns to face her, he looks angry) SYDNEY: We gotta get outta here! (He looks back down at Allison for a second and then turns to leave. We hear him drop the knife and the two of them run out together. As he passes by his gun, he picks it up and they escape. Fade to black.) (Cut to Sloane with an earpiece in his ear. We hear Sydney's talking to him. He is drinking a glass a red wine.) SYDNEY: (through earpiece) Set the time and place with Lindsey, I'm ready to be traded back. SLOANE: Sydney... Lindsey has taken your father and Vaughn into custody. (Cut to Sydney. It is night-time and she in traveling in a car, talking into a cellphone. She looks over to Will as he drives and Sloane continues) SLOANE: Dixon's in custody, as well. But we need to proceed with this trade as planned so that Lindsey believes you were being held by The Covenant. The Rambaldi device is being delivered in San Pedro. They've hired a team to pick it up that'll appear to be working for The Covenant... as soon as they've left the area... you're to drive yourself to Lindsey... SYDNEY: (looking agitated) You are never ending up with the Rambaldi device. I want it put inside the van and taken directly to the parking lot at Hill Street and 9th... I want the van to remain visible at all times, no one is to enter or exit the vehicle... (Cut back to Sloane, who is swirling the wine around in its glass) SLOANE: Sydney... you have my word. SYDNEY: That's a relief. (Cut to CIA building where we see Weiss walking into the rotunda. His cellphone rings and he grabs it from his breast-pocket to answer.) WEISS: (answering) Weiss. SYDNEY: Listen very carefully, I need a favor. WEISS: (looks around to make sure he can't be overheard and speaking quietly into his phone) Where are you? SYDNEY: Just listen to me and tell no one about this call. The Rambaldi device is being traded to The Covenant... it's actually going to Sloane... he needs to be watched from the moment he gets the device. Grab the feed from the satellite that has a view of the trade... track their van. Any suspicious stops, anyone gets on or off, have a team standing by to bring them in. WEISS: Alright... I got it. Whatever the hell you're up to... good luck. (he closes his phone - fade to black) LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA (Aerial view of the city during the day. Cut to a pier, it looks like the same pier Sydney drove off of in episode 1x17. There is a black sedan and two men standing outside of it. The driver's side car door opens and Lindsey steps out. Lindsey pulls out a walkie-talkie) LINDSEY: (into the walkie-talkie) Status? VOICE: The Covenants representatives have taken possession of the Rambaldi device. (Cut to scene with two men loading a small wooden crate onto the back of a truck. Cut back to Weiss back at CIA monitoring the device via a satellite feed. He has an earpiece in.) WEISS: Syd, I'm tracking the van, the package is inside. SYDNEY: Copy that. (Cut to Sydney sitting in the front of a parked car, talking into a walkie-talkie) You'll follow the van to the rendezvous point, anything unusual you'll let me know. WEISS: Roger that. SYDNEY: I'm heading towards Lindsey, wish me luck. (Cut back to Lindsey.) VOICE: Sir, we have a twenty on Agent Bristow, she's approaching the dock. (Sydney's car pulls up and she gets out. As she walks towards Lindsey, the camera pans up to a large ship in the water behind her. We see a sniper's rifle and the camera cuts in to the dark-haired assassin Sloane met with earlier. Sydney is in the cross-hairs. ) AGENT NEXT TO LINDSEY: (into walkie-talkie) Bristow has arrived. (She approaches Lindsey and she in within a few feet of him.) LINDSEY: (fake smile) On behalf of the U.S. government, I wanna say... how relieved I am at your safe return. (Cut back to the assassin who is readying himself to pull the trigger. Sydney looks to Lindsey's chest and sees a red-laser dot right over his heart... he looks down and Sydney turns to yell, but before she can do anything a shot rings out and Lindsey falls to the ground. The surrounding agents duck behind the car and draw their weapons, but it is too late. Lindsey is dead.) (Cut to the truck carrying the Rambaldi device. Two men are standing outside the truck and a car pulls up. When the camera turns to face the men, we see that one of them is Sloane. As the car comes to a stop, he approaches. Sydney gets out of the car and rushes towards him, she looks perturbed.) SYDNEY: You murdered Robert Lindsey. SLOANE: I think you already know my response... SYDNEY: Lemme guess, you don't know what I'm talking about... SLOANE: (shaking his head) Not a word. (Sydney walks past him to wooden crate containing the Rambaldi device. She opens the crate to reveal some rusted and worthless metal parts. She holds up one of the pieces and turns to face Sloane with an accusatory look on her face.) SLOANE: I did everything you asked. I followed your protocol precisely. (She tosses the part back into the crate) SYDNEY: This was your endgame the whole time... SLOANE: Now you can go on blaming me if you like... or you can accept the truth... SYDNEY: Which is what? SLOANE: The deceiver was Lindsey... not me. His team might've thought so, but apparently Lindsey never gave us the Rambaldi device. It was a set-up. (Sydney approaches Sloane so that she is standing just a couple feet from him) SYDNEY: I don't know how you did this... but you're not gonna get away with it. SLOANE: I don't know what you're talking about... (Cut to Sydney who is simply staring at him with hate in her eyes and then back to Sloane who is looking quite innocent.) (Cut back to CIA building where Sydney is walking. As she rounds a corner, she sees Dixon standing there talking to someone. She turns and continues to walk until she comes upon Vaughn and Jack at a computer.) SYDNEY: It seems like everything is falling back into place. (She looks down at Vaughn) Thank you... by the way. For everything... (He looks up at her as if tongue-tied.) VAUGHN: (Nodding slightly) Yeah... (he looks uncomfortable, and quickly stands up) I gotta go... I'm meeting Lauren. (He leaves and Syd watches him walk away. Jack's eyes follow him as he goes.) (Cut to shot of the cube -- now open. Marshall is pulling something out of it with tongs.) MARSHALL: I'm not exactly sure what this means... (he pulls out a small vial containing some redish/brown liquid and holds it up in front of Sydney and Jack) SYDNEY: What is that...? MARSHALL: What was inside the box. It's human tissue... vital, still active. (The camera zooms in to a small piece of tissue in the bottom of the vial) MARSHALL: Oh, and uh... there was a name, etched in the side of the box. (Puts the tissue down and picks up the cube). MARSHALL: Milo Rambaldi... (Cut to Jack's surprised look and Sydney's look of curiosity. The camera then cuts to Will being escorted by an agent out of the building. As he turns a corner, we hear Sydney behind him.) SYDNEY: Will... (he stops and turns around. He approaches her and the escort stays behind so they can have a private goodbye.) SYDNEY: I've been looking for you. You feelin' alright? WILL: Yeah... (nodding) (Sydney watches his reactions and imitates his slight nod) WILL: Seeing Allison again... killing her... I musta dreamed about it I dunno how many times... When you told me that she was still alive, I thought if I had the chance, then ending life would be satisfying. You know, there'd be closure. Cathartic. But it's just as empty as the dreams... it's horrible... there's no... satisfaction... there's nothing. SYDNEY: I know they talked to you. Now that The Covenant knows you're still alive... you might want to move again. Maybe somewhere out of the country... WILL: Nah... I'm not going to run anymore. I'm gonna stay in Wisconsin. I dunno what I'll do when I get back, maybe I'll ask out that painter. (they look into each others eyes) We're gonna see each other again... (Sydney smiles warmly and reaches up to hug Will tightly.) WILL: Love you (pulling away from her and smiling) SYDNEY: You too (smiling back) (He turns to walk away back towards the escort waiting for him.) SYDNEY: Will... WILL: Yeah... SYDNEY: We never talked about that... WILL: Yeah. I kinda like that. (smiling) (Will begins walking out, but before he goes he turns to take on last look at Sydney. She looks honestly happy as she watchces him leave.)

In her dream, Sydney sees Will and the name St Aidan. She visits Will who is now working as a construction foreman. He had thought Sydney was dead but Sydney proves her identity and tells Will that Alison Doren is still alive, working for The Covenant. Will explains that St Aidan is the name of a contact he had while with the CIA. Sydney and Will meet St Aidan, who is really Andrian Lazarey with one hand missing. Sark appears, manages to kidnap Lazarey and tortures him for information. Will and Sydney reminisce and become intimate. Sydney finds information that she may have a safe deposit box in an Austrian hotel in Graz. She goes there with Will and they break into a safe deposit box under the name of Julia Thorne. However, Sark gets there first and steals a metal cube. Will fights and kills Allison Doren and Sydney gets the cube back from Sark. The Rambaldi Cube contains a sample of human tissue, still active, bearing the name Milo Rambaldi. Lindsey suspects that Jack and Vaughn know Sydney's location and arrests them. He arranges for Sloane to hire an assassin to kill Sydney when she gets exchanged for a Rambaldi device, threatening to reveal Sloane's extra curricular activities to the Justice Department. However, Sloane actually has Lindsey killed and steals the Rambaldi device for himself.

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[Scene: Outside a Chapel. Piper and Paige are sitting in Piper's car talking on their cell phones.] Piper: This is ridiculous. We need more than ten cases of beer. Paige: Look, we can't keep doing this, Phoebe, because Piper and I actually have lives. Piper: Okay, call Phil at the beauty bar and he'll lend you a couple of cases of beer. I will call the distributor tomorrow. Paige: No, Phoebe, I haven't seen the demon or half-demon or whatever the hell he is. Yeah, I think demon fighting is important, but you, missy, are at home doing research. And Piper and I are here on the front line. Piper, Paige: I gotta go. Paige: Bye. (They hang up.) Why is it every time Phoebe runs away from a guy, that we actually pay for it. Piper: I know, she sleeps with Leslie and suddenly she's got us chasing demons all over town while P3 falls apart. Paige: And she has to get her active powers back because we can't keep picking up the slack. Piper: I wish the demon would hurry up and attack already. Paige: You know, it's okay. I cast a protection spell on the innocent, so it should be alright. Piper: Excuse me? You did what? Paige: I cast a protection spell. Because, you know, you can't keep watching him all the time. Piper: Paige, protection spells backfire, that's why we don't use them. Paige: Don't worry about it. I got the spell from my best grad student. I'm all over it. Piper: Well, you better be, because the chaplain's on the move. (Paige looks though the binoculars.) He's going in alone. Come on, put that down. Paige: I have to put my shoes on. [Cut to the chapel. The chaplain is praying. A guy walks in with a hood covering his face.] Guy: Come to pray, have you, Arthur? Arthur: Who's that? Kevin? Guy: That's actually my human name. Arthur: Human? (The guy shows his face. Half of his face is grey and scaly.) Wh-What's happened? Guy: This? It's just a little ritual I've been performing to reveal who I truly am... are. Who I hope to be soon. Arthur: What are you talking about? Guy: My real name's Sirk, from my father's side. He was a demon. And I will be complete as soon as I've eliminated the last of my human lineage. And that's where you come in. (He throws an energy ball at Arthur. Arthur goes flying through the room. Piper and Paige walk in. Piper tries to blow up Sirk but he is knocked backwards.) Ouch. That really stings. (He throws a lighting bolt at the girls and they dive behind the pews.) Piper: How many powers does this guy have? (Arthur gets up from behind the podium.) Paige: Arthur, get down. Sirk: What? (Sirk throws a fireball at Arthur.) Paige: Fireball! (The fireball orbs back to Sirk but Sirk shimmers out before it hits him. Piper rushes over to Arthur. Arthur stands up and he has a huge hole in his stomach.) Piper: Nice protection spell, sis. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Arthur are there. Leo is looking at Arthur's hole in his stomach.] Arthur: How did this happen? Phoebe: Uh, actually, we're not really sure. (Piper walks in carrying a coat.) Piper: Would you mind covering up? It's a little unnerving. (She hands the coat to Arthur and he puts it on.) Arthur: But how am I still alive? Paige: See, I kind of cast a protection spell. Leo: You cast a what? Piper: Already been there, done that. Arthur: A spell? Phoebe: Yeah, but the spell she cast was clearly a very, very bad idea. Paige: I had to do something. We couldn't just sit around and wait for demons to attack, because, you know, Piper and I actually have lives. Piper: Don't drag me into this. Paige: What? We agreed that the only reason we are out hunting for demons constantly is because Phoebe won't deal with her Leslie issues. Phoebe: Wait, I have Leslie issues? Leo: Okay, you guys, we have issues right now with the chaplain. Arthur: I have to get out of here. I gotta find my wife. (Arthur runs out of the room.) Piper: Uh... Phoebe: Uh, Paige, would you mind? (Paige orbs out.) Can't have him running around San Francisco like that with Agent Brody snooping around. (Paige orbs in with Arthur.) Arthur: What are you people? Phoebe: We're witches. It's okay. Just relax. Paige: Look, my spell got us into this mess, I'll figure out a way to reverse it. I'll just add it to the long list of things I have to do in magic school. Arthur: Can you tell me if I'm alive or dead? Leo: Uh, well, the thing is-is... we're not really sure. (The Angel of Death appears behind everyone.) Angel of Death: I might be able to answer that question. Phoebe: And you would be? Angel of Death: I'm the Angel of Death. (Arthur faints onto the couch.) I knew your sister, your mother, of course, and your grandmother. Leo: Alright, we get the point. What do you want? Paige: Do you kill people? Angel of Death: No, Paige, I don't kill. I merely claim the souls of those who've already died. Phoebe: And you're here for who now? Angel of Death: Oh, don't worry, not any of you. No, this time I'm here for him. The problem is, I don't seem to be able to claim his soul yet, even though he's dead. It's fascinating, really. I've never had this problem before. Any ideas why now? Paige: I cast a spell. Angel of Death: A spell? You trapped a soul with a spell? Paige: It wasn't intentional. Angel of Death: Reverse it now. Piper: Hey, listen, tall dark one. If we give you him, the demon gets what he wants, and then we won't be able to stop the demon. Angel of Death: You don't understand. (A list appears in a puff of smoke in his hand. One column reads "Dead" and the other column reads "To Die".) People have to die in order, according to my list. Otherwise, the cosmic balance is thrown off. Phoebe: You have to give us some time to figure out what to do with the demon. Angel of Death: The demon is not my concern. I'm neutral. All I care about is maintaining the grand design, but in order to do that, I must claim the soul of the Chaplain soon. I'll be back. (He disappears.) Phoebe: Okay, this is what we're going to do. Paige: No. We are not doing anything, until you deal with Leslie. Phoebe: Paige, are you crazy? There's a demon on the loose. Paige: You're right, but you're not dealing with it. We are, because you don't have active powers. Phoebe: Ugh. This is ridiculous. Piper: Look, all I know is that since you've slept with the fella, all you've been talking about is demons and vanquishings and... Paige: And see, the thing is that Piper and I have lives. We're not on sabbatical. Phoebe: Okay, so what do you want me to do? Piper: Talk to Leslie. Phoebe: Fine. I will talk to him. Paige, you figure out a way to reverse your spell. Piper, you work on the vanquishing potion and take care of that innocent. I'm gonna go talk to Leslie. Piper: Good luck. (Phoebe leaves. Paige orbs out.) Okay, I think you should go let the Elders know what's going on. (Arthur gains consciousness.) Leo: I don't know if I can keep facing them, Piper. (While Piper and Leo's backs are turned, Arthur sneaks out of the room.) Piper: Yes, you can, Leo. You did great last time, and we really need you to do this. Please? (Leo orbs out. Piper turns around to see Arthur gone.) Oh, great. [Scene: Hospital. Emergency Room. A doctor uses the defibrillation paddles on a patient. The monitor flat line beeps.] Doctor: Call it. Time of death, 11:35 am. Nurse: 11:35 am. We'll make a note of it. (The Angel of Death stands near the door.) Angel of Death: It's your time. Doctor: Get his wallet. Get his I.D. Find out what happened from the paramedics. (The Angel of Death holds out his hand.) Angel of Death: Come. (The patient's soul starts to rise from his body. He stops halfway.) Patient's Soul: I can't move. Angel of Death: What do you mean? Your time has come. Now free yourself. (The soul returns to the patient's body. The monitor beeps.) Nurse: Doctor! Doctor: How in the world? (Sirk opens the doors slightly from the outside.) Sirk: Looks like we both have a problem. (The Angel of Death walks out into the hallway.) Angel of Death: How is it that you see me, demon? Sirk: It's simple. With each life I take, I absorb whatever gifts they have. Angel of Death: You can have your gifts. I just want my souls. Sirk: And I want you to have them. That's why I'm here, to help. The witches, they've really screwed up the natural order, haven't they? Angel of Death: The witches stopped one death with their spell, that's all. Sirk: No, no, no, no, no. They've stopped many deaths, just like the one in there. Don't you see it? By messing with the grand design, they've created a bottleneck, one where death literally ceases. That's the only explanation. Perhaps by combining our vast array of gifts, you can learn how to reverse the protection spell yourself. Then we can both just move on. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Lobby. Phoebe is standing in front of the elevator trying to push the button.] Phoebe: Oh! You can do it. You can do it. Come on. I can't do it. I gotta go. (Phoebe turns to leave. Leslie walks towards her.) Les: Phoebe? Where have you been? I've been calling you for days. Phoebe: Hey! Yeah, well, you know, I'm just, I'm so busy, Les. You know me, busy little bee. (She tries to leave.) Les: W-w-wait. Weren't you, weren't you going in? Phoebe: No, actually, I was, I was coming out. Okay, I'll call you. Les: No, you won't. You're, you're avoiding me. Phoebe: I am not avoiding you. Okay. Maybe I'm avoiding you, but it's just, it's just a very, very little bit. Les: Are you sorry about what we did upstairs? Is it... Phoebe: No. No. I mean, you know, it was great. I mean, of course I'm not sorry, you know, but, uh, I just, I don't know. I think that maybe I feel like we don't really know each other. Les: Look, Phoebe, what happened was... it was great. Phoebe: Yeah. Les: We-we didn't do anything wrong. Phoebe: I know. I just, I don't know if I'm ready for this, whatever this could potentially be. I mean, I don't, I don't know if I'm ready for it. Les: Because of me or because you're in trouble? Phoebe: What, what do you mean, trouble? Les: Some cop came by yesterday asking questions about you. FBI or something. Oh, what was his name? Um, Brody. Agent Brody. [Scene: Police Station. Darryl's office. Darryl and Agent Brody are there.] Darryl: I don't know what you want with me, Brody. Agent Brody: Alright, clearly, you want to say something to me. (He puts his badge on the desk.) So go ahead. Pretend I'm not a Fed. No ranks. (Darryl closes the door.) Darryl: Look, I just don't want to end up like Inspector Sheridan, okay? Look, I got kids. Agent Brody: Sheridan? She got transferred to another district, that's all. Darryl: I saw you shoot her in the neck with a tranquilliser dart. Agent Brody: She's fine. Trust me. Darryl: That's just it. I don't trust you. Agent Brody: Yeah, well, you're going to have to start, because I'm gonna need your help to get to the Halliwells. Darryl: Not this again. No. Agent Brody: What? You don't even know what I want with them. Darryl: No, and I don't want to know. Look, the sisters and I may not be getting along well right now, but I sure as hell don't wish them any harm. Agent Brody: I'm not going to harm them, okay? I just need their help. Darryl: With what? Agent Brody: With something. You know, if I wanted to harm them, I would've let Sheridan bust them, expose them. I have been on a trail for years that has just now led me to them, and as soon as they know that I know that they're magical and that I'm not a threat to them, they're going to have to help me. So unLess you wanna get transferred like your buddy Sheridan, I suggest you help me. (He leaves the room.) [Scene: Outside Doctor's building. Harriet, Arthur's wife, walks towards the front door. Arthur catches up to her and grabs her.] Arthur: Hey. Harriet: Oh! Art. Goodness, I didn't see you there. What are you doing here? Are you alright? You don't look so well. Arthur: Don't worry about me. Listen, there's not a lot of time. Harriet: Are you getting sick? Arthur: No. I'm ... there's just so much I want to say to you, so much I have to say to you. I just wanted to see you. Harriet: Artie, you're scaring me. Arthur: Do you still have the keys to the safety deposit box? Harriet: Of course I do. Arthur: Well, everything's in there, you know, just in case something should happen to me. You know, I kind of worry about stuff like that. Harriet: Artie, I'm... Kind of late for the doctors. Arthur: Oh. Well, go, go, go, go. Harriet: Are you gonna be home for dinner? Arthur: Um... probably not. (He kisses her.) I love you. Harriet: I love you too. (Harriet goes into the doctors building. Arthur walks onto the sidewalk. Angel of Death is waiting there.) Angel of Death: Arthur? I've been looking all over for you. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper is there scrying. Paige orbs in.] Paige: Hey. Piper: Hi. Please tell me you found a way to reverse the spell. Paige: No. Not without losing the chaplain, I haven't, which means the demon... Piper: Demon will become whole. I know. But honestly, he scares me a hell of a lot Less than the Angel of Death does right now. If I don't find the chaplain... Paige: What do you mean, find him? Where'd he go? Piper: He ran off, and I can't find him because your spell is protecting him. (The crystal points to a spot on the map.) Or at least it was. You didn't lift the spell? Paige: No. I told you I didn't. Piper: Then who did? [Cut to an alley. Angel of Death and Arthur are there. Arthur is dead on the ground. Angel of Death waves his hand over Arthur's body. Piper and Paige orb in.] Paige: Uh, what have you done? Angel of Death: What I should have done in the first place. I've reversed your spell and took the Chaplain's soul. Piper: And you helped a demon in the process. Angel of Death: On the contrary. Your demon helped me. Piper: You can't do that. You're supposed to be neutral. Angel of Death: Circumstances were unusual. Your spell had unforeseen consequences. Paige: What kind of consequences? Angel of Death: People have to die in the order on my list. If one person doesn't, all death ceases. Now I have to work overtime to collect the souls I've been unable to claim, to undo the damage you've done to the grand design. Piper: Damage? We've done more than almost anyone to protect your grand design. Paige: Look, we should leave it. We have a demon to go after. Piper: We've given up a lot to make sure you have Less work. I have two kids and a business, and I still find time to fight demons, too. It's not our fault you can't keep up. (Piper and Paige start to walk away.) Angel of Death: That isn't my problem. Piper: It sure as hell isn't my problem. Paige: Stop yelling at Death! (Piper and Paige walk across the street and Angel of Death follows.) Piper: I don't care. He is getting on my last nerve. Angel of Death: You witches created this mess, not me. But you're going to help me clean it up. (He reaches out towards Piper and she falls to the ground.) Paige: Piper? (Some people rush over.) Man: What happened? Paige: I don't know. She just fell. Man: Call 911. (Piper appears beside her body wearing black clothes.) Piper: What's going on? Oh, no. Angel of Death: I told you, I need your help. Piper: What did you do to me? Angel of Death: It's a practical matter. If you're alive, you won't be able to help with the backlog, to take souls to where they have to go. Piper: No. Hold it, buddy. If you... Angel of Death: Do your job, and I'll return your soul. (The list appears in his hand.) I suggest you get going. You've a lot of catching up to do. (He hands the list to Piper and disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Street. Police cars have blocked off the street. Police are putting up crime scene tape across the street. People are standing behind the tape watching. Piper and Paige are still standing next to Piper's body.] Piper: Well, do something. Paige: What do you want me to do? It's easy for you to say, dude, you're dead. Piper: Well, that's just crazy, 'cause I'm not supposed to be. Paige: What are you yelling at me for? It's not my issue! (An inspector walks over to them.) Inspector: Excuse me, miss? Piper/Paige: Yes. Inspector: Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Paige: It's okay. Piper: Could you sound a little more upset, please? Paige: I mean, it's really sad. You know, I feel like my sister's spirit is around me. Inspector: Of course. Now, earlier, you told the officer that you two were walking by, and your sister just fell. No warning, nothing? Piper: Mm-hm. Paige: Yeah, no, no, no warning. Inspector: And you didn't happen to notice the body in the alley there, did you? Paige: No, I didn't. (A coroner walks up to the Inspector.) Coroner: Uh, forensics is done. We're gonna take the bodies, if it's okay with you. Inspector: Go ahead. (Piper gasps.) Piper: Where are they taking me? Paige: Uh, where are you taking her? Inspector: To the morgue. After the autopsy, we'll release your sister's body to you. Piper: Oh, no, no, they can't do that, they can't do that! Paige: Stop yelling in my ear. No. No, you can't do an autopsy because, you see, it's against our... religion. Inspector: I'm sorry. This is a murder investigation. State law. If you think of anything that might be able to help, please, give us a call. (He hands Paige his card and walks away.) Piper: Okay, starting to panic. Paige: Oh, no. Piper: Oh, no? What could be more oh, no, than they're taking my body away for an autopsy? Paige: Agent Brody. (Agent Brody stands across the street watching Paige.) Yeah. Piper: What's he doing here? Paige: Mm, probably watching me talk to myself. [Cut to the Manor. Living room. Phoebe walks in. Paige orbs in.] Phoebe: Paige, where have you been? I was worried. Paige: Actually, I... Phoebe: Did you reverse the spell? Paige: No, but someone has. Phoebe: Wait a minute, missy. What's going on? Where's Piper? (Piper appears.) Piper: Whoa. Phoebe: Whoa, how'd you do... What are you wearing? Piper: You didn't tell her. Paige: No. Okay, fine. Piper's dead. Phoebe: What? Piper: I'm not dead. I'm Death. As if my life wasn't busy enough already. Phoebe: What? Paige: Okay, long story short. Um, Death has temporarily recruited Piper. (The list appears in a puff of smoke.) Piper: And now I have to collect all the souls on this list before the coroner starts cutting up my body. Phoebe: Cutting up your body? Piper: Autopsy. (Phoebe gasps. Piper sees the names change on the list.) Why are these names changing? Paige: I don't know. Maybe we should call Leo. Piper: Maybe we should call Death. Phoebe: So does this mean the demon's working at full force now? Paige: If he is, why hasn't he attacked? Piper: Excuse me. Can we focus on the person with the non-dead problem over here? Phoebe: Let me see that list. Piper: Well, it... (Phoebe takes the list from Piper.) Phoebe: So Sirk was killing his family members to become full demon, right? So that would mean he would have to get rid of his human soul. Paige: Huh? Phoebe: Well, if he succeeded, Sirk's name would be on the dead list, right? And it is not. Paige: Well, that would mean he has a family member alive somewhere. Phoebe: Right. So we just have to track down that person before he does. Piper: Excuse me, I have souls to collect. (Piper disappears.) Phoebe: Where did she go? [Scene: Hospital. Room. Piper is watching a woman crying beside her deceased husband. The man's soul appears beside Piper and Piper jumps.] Piper: You scared me. Dead Man: I scared you? Who are you, and what's happening? Piper: Well, I think you might actually be, you know, dead. I know. Bummer, huh? Dead Man: Are you here to take me away? Piper: I don't know. I think so. See, I'm kinda new at this. (Suddenly, Piper and the dead man are in the ghostly plane. The double doors open and they walk into the hallway.) Dead Man: What's happening? Piper: Good question. (A vortex opens in front of them.) Dead Man: Where does that go? Piper: I'm not sure, but I think I'm supposed to take you in there. What do you say? (She takes his hand and they walk towards the vortex.) If it makes you feel any better, I'm a little scared too. (They walk into the vortex.) [Scene: Underworld. Seer's Cave. The Seer and Sirk are there.] Sirk: You lied to me! (He throws an energy ball towards the Seer and she shimmers out. Once the energy ball passes, she shimmers back in.) Seer: I'm a Seer. Hello? I saw that coming. Sirk: I did everything you said. I killed every last member of my family, and yet, still, I'm part-human. Seer: Oh, so just 'cause I can see the future, it must be my fault? Sirk: Give me an answer! Seer: Relax. Did you kill all of your blood relatives? Sirk: Yes. Seer: Every last little one? Sirk: Do you want to join 'em? Seer: You'd think since your first threat failed so miserably, you'd be a little bit nicer to me. You've obviously missed somebody. There has to be another. (She waves her hand over the pool and it ripples. Sirk laughs.) Sirk: Nice. [Scene: Conservatory. Leo is there watching the news on TV.] News Reporter: (on tv) It's unclear whether the death of local club impresario Piper Halliwell is related to the Death of Chaplain Arthur Casey, but police insist every possibility is being investigated. We'll have more on this story at 11:00. (Phoebe walks in. Leo turns off the TV.) Leo: This is really bad. Phoebe: Leo, relax. Piper's been dead before. Leo: Not like this, not on the midday news. What if the kids find out? Phoebe: They're at magic school. (Paige walks in talking on the phone.) Paige: (on phone) We're very, very sorry, too. Thanks for your condolences. Bye. (She hangs up.) Okay, I think this is too big for even us to cover. Phoebe: What about the Cleaners? Leo: No, they won't help, not after last time. If Piper suddenly wakes up in the morgue, you have to explain it. Paige: So what are we gonna do? Phoebe: Well, we'll figure something out. We always do, and in the meantime, we have to find the demon before he kills another relative. Paige: Okay, you know what? I'm gonna call Darryl and see if I can get him to postpone the autopsy. Leo: I'm gonna go to magic school and stay with the kids. (Leo orbs out. The doorbell rings.) Phoebe: Alright, now what? (Phoebe walks into the foyer and opens the door. Leslie smiles and moves in towards Phoebe.) Leslie! (She pushes him back.) Hold it. (She shuts the door on his face.) Paige: I thought you dealt with him. Phoebe: No. I said I saw him. I did not say I dealt with him. Paige: Well, you need to get rid of him, because we have a little bit going on right now, okay? (Phoebe goes back outside. Paige dials a number on the phone.) [Cut to the porch.] Les: I just can't believe it. You've gotta be in shock. Phoebe: Uh, yeah, you know, I am, but things happen, you know? (They sit on the stairs.) Les: I just don't understand. Was Piper even sick? Phoebe: No, she wasn't. It was all very sudden. Les: You sure are handling this awfully well. Phoebe: Yeah, well, you know, I'm okay. Uh, it's hard, but I'm trying to stay strong for Paige. Les: I understand. Phoebe: There's just so much to do. Les: Well, can I help with anything? Phoebe: I don't even know where to start. Les: Well, it's always good to start with people you need to contact. I could help make a list. Phoebe: Wait, what did you just say? Les: Make a list, you know, friends, family. People like that. (Paige walks outside.) Paige: Phoebe, um, can we talk? Phoebe: Yes. Just one second. (to Leslie) Thank you so much for coming by. I really appreciate it. (They stand up.) Les: I thought I was gonna help you make a list and... Phoebe: Yeah, I just really need to spend some time with my sister, you know. Les: Well, of course. Um, just call me if you need anything. Phoebe: I will. I will, definitely. Thanks. (Phoebe quickly kisses Leslie.) Okay. Bye! Bye. (Leslie leaves.) Paige: Okay, I struck out with Darryl. Phoebe: It doesn't matter. I think I know how to find out who the demon's going after next. Paige: How? Phoebe: Piper's list. The name will be on it. Come on. (They go into the house.) [Scene: Chapel. Harriet is sitting on the pew. Sirk sits on the pew behind her.] Sirk: Harriet? Harriet: Do I know you? Sirk: We've never met. I'm Arthur's cousin, Kevin. But you can call me Sirk. (He removes his hood. Harriet is frightened and tries to leave. He grabs her arm.) Ah, so it's true. You are going to be a mother. Harriet: How did you know? Sirk: I have many gifts, and unfortunately for you, I just need one more. (Harriet pulls away from him. He creates an energy ball. Piper appears beside Harriet.) Oh, no, you can't interfere. You're neutral. Piper: You're right. I can't. But they can. (Phoebe and Paige orb in behind Sirk. Sirk turns around and Phoebe kicks him in the face. He falls to the floor. Phoebe and Paige go over to Harriet.) Paige: It's okay. You're gonna be alright. (Paige orbs Phoebe and Harriet out. Sirk stands up.) Sirk: So how did you... Piper: Know? I saw her name on the list. (The list appears in a puff of smoke in Piper's hand.) But it's not there anymore. Sirk: It will be again. One way or another. (Sirk shimmers out. Piper looks at the list and "Phoebe Halliwell" appears at the top of the To Die column.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Magic School. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there.] Phoebe: Wait, so now you don't want me to help you vanquish the demon? I don't understand. Piper: Phoebe, that's not the issue. Phoebe: Names come and go off that list all the time. Harriet's did. So what's the big deal? Piper: The big deal is sometimes the names don't come off the list. Phoebe: Well, ours does. Piper: Not always. (Leo walks in.) Paige: How's it going? Leo: She's resting. It's a lot to swallow. Your husband's dead, magic exists, and by the way, a demon's after you. How you guys holding up here? Piper: Fine. Once Phoebe realises that she's better off here where she's safe. Paige: Oh, here they go again. Phoebe: We've cheated death before, Piper. So why can't we do it again? Piper: Because we can't this time. I can't. Paige: Maybe you should just listen to her. Phoebe: Maybe she should focus on collecting the souls so her death isn't permanent. Piper: This is going nowhere. (Piper starts to leave.) Leo: Where are you going? Piper: I'm not in the mood to lose another sister. (She disappears.) Phoebe: So what's our next move? Paige: Our next move is for you to stay here because you are on top of the list, you have no active powers, and Leo and I are just going to go take care of the demon. Honey, you just need to accept it. (Paige and Leo orb out.) [Scene: Hospital. Piper is standing there. Angel of Death appears.] Piper: I'm not doing this anymore. I give up. I quit. Angel of Death: You can't quit, Piper. Not until you catch up. Piper: You can't make me take my sister's soul. I won't do it. Angel of Death: We don't get to decide who lives or dies. Only circumstances can change someone's fate. Piper: Well, then I won't collect any more souls. I'll go on strike. Angel of Death: So to save your sister, you would threaten to stop all death. Piper: You got it. Angel of Death: That's rather selfish of you, don't you think? Unless, of course, you think that death is pointless. Piper: Well, I... Angel of Death: It's not, you know. Far from it. Life only has meaning specifically because there is an end. Death is what forces people to live. Piper: Yes, but... Angel of Death: Which means that ending death effectively ends life, throws off the entire cosmic design, the whole point, and for what? A single fleeting life? This is bigger than your sister, Piper. Much bigger. [Scene: Underworld. Seer's Cave. The Seer and Sirk are there.] Sirk: The sisters had Death's list. They knew who I was trying to kill. Seer: And you knew about the woman's unborn child. Foreknowledge is a bitch sometimes. Sirk: But it didn't help me. I'm so close to losing this foul human soul, but the Charmed Ones still thwart me. Seer: Well, they are the Charmed Ones, and they're pretty good with the thwarting. Sirk: I want to peel the flesh from their bones while they still live. Seer: Okay, just because we're demons doesn't mean we always have to be so eww. Sirk: Just tell me how to defeat them. Seer: And you'll stop with the gross flesh peely talk? Because there is an old Seer's trick that might be able to help you here. Sirk: Oh, like you helped last time. Seer: Hey, premonitions don't come with a guarantee, okay? Do you want my help or not? See. Whenever someone knows the future, you can always get the drop on them by knowing the future too. (She waves her hand over the pool and it ripples.) So you can change it. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige and Leo are there. Paige is making a potion. Piper appears.] Piper: Where's Phoebe? Paige: She's back at Magic School. Piper: But she's still on my list, and she's next. Leo: What happened with the Angel of Death? Piper: He's stubborn. Did you find Sirk? Paige: No, he found us. Telepathically. He wants to call a truce. Piper: It's a trap. We need to keep Phoebe at magic school long enough... (Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: It's too late. Piper: Phoebe? What are you doing here? Phoebe: Remembering what we're all about. Piper: What we're all about is keeping you alive. Phoebe: Not at the expense of an innocent. Piper: Phoebe, this death thing might not be very real to you, but it is very real to me. I've seen it. I am it. Phoebe: Piper, we've all seen it, and it's never stopped us before. Piper: That's before we knew you were next on the list. Why are you not listening to me? I'm trying to save you. Phoebe: Because this isn't just about me. Look, I don't wanna die, but I'm not gonna sit around and wait for an innocent to die either. And I think that's why I needed to take that sabbatical. To remind myself of that. (Piper disappears.) Are you finished with the vanquishing potion? Paige: Well, yeah, but... Phoebe: Paige, he doesn't know we know. We're gonna use this to our advantage. When he focuses on me, you just focus on him. [Scene: Alley. Sirk is waiting there. Phoebe and Leo orb in.) Sirk: Interesting. I was expecting more of a family affair, like, perhaps your other sister. Phoebe: You wanted to discuss a truce? Discuss. Sirk: Alright. Here's the offer. You give me my cousin's wife, and I won't kill you. Phoebe: That's it? That's your offer, huh? No deal. Forget it. Sirk: In that case, I guess I'll just have to kill... (He turns around and shoots a lighting bolt at Paige.) Her. (Phoebe and Leo run over to Paige. Leo tries to heal her.) Didn't see that coming, did you? (Sirk disappears.) Phoebe: Why isn't it working? Leo: We're too late. Phoebe: What do you mean? (Piper appears. Paige's soul rises out of her body. She stands next to Piper.) Paige: What's going on? Why am I in this? Phoebe: Piper, do something. Piper: I can't. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Alley. Continued from before.] Phoebe: Piper, you can't do this. You can't take her. Piper: Do you think I want to take her? I don't have a choice. Phoebe: Yes, you do. Just don't take her. Take me instead. Leo: That's not how it works, Phoebe. Phoebe: I was on the list. Piper: Circumstances changed. Phoebe: Yeah, because I changed them. It's not her fault. Piper: It's not anybody's fault. (Piper and Paige appear in the ghostly plane.) Paige: This isn't good, right? Piper: I'm so sorry, Paige. It's much easier if you just let go. (The vortex opens up. They walk towards it.) Paige: Where does that go? Piper: To where you're supposed to go. Don't be afraid. I'll be with you the whole way. [Cut to Phoebe and Leo.] Phoebe: Oh, god, this can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. (Phoebe receives a premonition. In the premonition, Harriet is running from Sirk.) I think I just had a premonition. Leo: What? How? Phoebe: I don't know. I must have earned back my powers somehow, or at least one of them. (Phoebe takes a potion out of Paige's hand.) We have to save Harriet. [Scene: Magic School. Sirk and Harriet are there.] Harriet: How did you get in here? She told me it was... Sirk: Protected. Oh, it is. From demons, not witches. That's just another little gift I picked up when I killed one of the sisters, uh... Paige, I think her name was. (He creates an energy ball.) Do say hello to her for me, won't you? (Phoebe and Leo orb in behind Sirk. Phoebe throws the potion at Sirk and he is engulfed in flames. Harriet runs over to Phoebe and Leo. Sirk turns back to his human self.) I'm human! (He falls to the floor, dead. Angel of Death appears.) Angel of Death: Interesting how our paths keep crossing, isn't it? (Kevin's soul rises out of his body.) Sirk: What happened? Angel of Death: Come. Phoebe: Ah-ah-ah! Not so fast. I want Paige's soul back. Angel of Death: Sorry. You know the rules. Phoebe: Yeah, I do, better than you think. Check your list. He's not on it. (His list appears in his hand.) We changed the circumstances. Angel of Death: First, you want to stop a soul from moving on, and now you want to add one. Leo: Not add. Trade. His soul for Paige's. Angel of Death: This is unprecedented. Sirk: What? No, you can't do that. Phoebe: Keeps your precious cosmic balance in order, doesn't it? What have you got to lose? Sirk: You can't be taking her seriously. Phoebe: Dude, you're dead. Start acting the part. Angel of Death: This has been quite a remarkable day. Even for me. Phoebe: So what do you say? Do we have a deal? [Cut to Piper and Paige. They are standing in front of the vortex.] Paige: Piper. I have something to tell you. Piper: Paige... Paige: You know that brown suede coat? You thought you lost it but, um, it's in my closet. And those earrings you liked. I borrowed them and I never gave them back. Piper: You're stalling. Paige: I know. But you can't blame a girl for trying. (Angel of Death and Sirk appear behind them.) Angel of Death: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Your sister made a trade. (The Angel of Death hits Sirk and he flies into the vortex. The vortex closes.) See you. (The Angel of Death disappears.) [Cut to the alley. Paige's body is still laying on the ground. Her fingers twitch and Paige wakes up.] [Cut to the hospital. Morgue. Several bodies are laying on gurneys covered with sheets. One body moves and sits up and pulls the sheet from their face. It's Piper.] Piper: Ooh. (She gasps when she sees Agent Brody sitting in the corner.) Agent Brody: Talk about your miracle recoveries. Piper: What are you doing here? Agent Brody: Confirming my suspicions. Confirming that magic really does exist, even though I don't quite understand it yet. Piper: What do you want? Agent Brody: I want to help you get out of this mess. I want to tell the local authorities that you were working undercover for me to help solve the chaplain murder. I want to tell them that I asked you to fake your own death. Piper: What's the catch? Agent Brody: The catch is that I'm going to need your help with something even greater. I'll be in touch. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Outside. Leslie walks up the stairs and reaches out to press the doorbell. He stops.] Les: Oh, forget this. (He walks back down the stairs and Phoebe walks towards him.) You didn't just see all that, did you? (She smiles and nods.) Phoebe: It's okay. It's probably what I looked like yesterday at the elevator. Les: Good. So we're even? Phoebe: Even. So... Les: So, let me get this straight. Your sister owns a nightclub, but she also moonlights as a government agent? Phoebe: Yeah. Kinda weird, huh? Les: And how often does she do that? Phoebe: Oh, not-not often at all. I mean, you know, that was just a one time thing, very unique situation. Les: Well, at least that explains why that Fed was looking for you and why you weren't broken up when I came to see you. Phoebe: Yeah, I wanted to tell you, but I... Les: No, look, I-I understand. Phoebe: And I really appreciate you coming by to see if I was okay. That was sweet. Les: I care about you, Phoebe. A lot. Phoebe: I like you too. I, uh, I just don't know where we go from here. Les: Neither do I. Maybe we should just see where it takes us. Phoebe: I'd like that. (She hugs him.) [Cut to inside the Manor. Conservatory. Piper, Leo and the kids are there. Leo sits next to Piper on the wicker seat.] Leo: Want anything? Piper: No. Just this. (She snuggles close to Leo and they watch their children.)

When a demon, Sirk, tries to destroy his human half by killing off his remaining blood relatives, Paige casts a spell that inadvertently blocks all death from occurring. Annoyed that he now has a backlog of work, the Angel of Death insists that the Charmed Ones help him clean up the mess and "kills" Piper so she can help him restore the Grand Design. Meanwhile, Phoebe earns back her power of premonition.

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x05

fd_Buffy_the_Vampire_Slayer_04x05_0

Night in a graveyard. Buffy is fighting with a vampire while Parker is lying on the ground. Parker: Buffy? Buffy: Parker? Stay down. She continues to fight the vamp while two other vampires grab Parker and start hauling him away. Parker: Buffy! Buffy runs to Parker's rescue, knocking away the two vamps with high kicks and fighting all three at the same time. Eventually she dusts all three vamps. Parker walks up to her holding his arm. Parker: Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life Buffy: It's nothing. Parker: It's everything. You're everything. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me. Do you think one day you might . Girl (giggling) Noooo. Cut to Prof. Walsh's Psyche class. A girl is giggling beside Parker while Buffy watches behind them. Prof. Walsh: These are the things we want. Simple things. Comfort, s*x, shelter, food. We always want them and we want them all the time. The id doesn't learn it doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have and it has the superego telling it what it should want. But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It wants. Whatever social skills you've learned, however much we've evolved, the pleasure principal is at work in all of us. So, how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want? Cut back to the graveyard scene again. Buffy stakes all the vamps. Parker: Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life. We see that Parker now has a bouquet of flowers and ice cream in his hand Parker: Can you ever forgive me? Cut to commercial Cut to the campus during the day. Buffy is sitting at a table with Willow studying. Xander holds a lighter up to Buffy. Xander: Rough day? Come on Buff. Be a lonely drunk. Rough day? Buffy: Stop flicking at me. Xander: Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your collegy life. No more looking down o n the townie. I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face Willow: aren't you two young to be a bartender? Xander: Oh contraire, mon frere. Buffy: mon frere means brother Xander: mon girlfrere. Behold (holds up a fake id) Behold. Willow: I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up. Xander: What gives it away? Willow: looking at it. Xander: Well no one's going to see it anyway. Now I'm the bartender. I kick people out Buffy: You know there's more to it than wiping and kicking. Mixing drinks for instance. Xander: Well, I've seen cocktail. I can do the hippy-hippy shake. Buffy: Well, even if I've had a pretend cigarette I couldn't tell you my pretend problems. The real ones have clogged up my headspace. Xander: ooh unload em right here baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it? Shutting up now. Willow: I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend whose left me with no place to live. No food except this bottle of wild turkey which I drank all up. Xander looks confused Willow: That was me being tanked and friendless for ya. Xander: Gets my Oscar nod Buffy: You know what? It's classtime. Xander: So are you going to come by tonight to the pub? Willow: Oz. Bronze. Date. Buffy: You know maybe, maybe he's just having trouble dealing. I mean, don't guys sometimes put the girl they really, really like inside these deep little brain fantasy bubbles where everything's perfect? They do that right? Xander: How's that fugue state coming along Willow: Parker. Buffy: Maybe I'm in his bubble and then pretty soon he's going to realize that he wants more than just bubble Buffy and he'll pop me out and we'll go to dinner and it could happen right? Willow: Buffy. And as my best friend you need to stop thinking about Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the pen1s. Xander: Nothing can defeat the pen1s! Too loud, very unseemly. Willow: I mean, I'm sorry do be so course but I feel strongly about stinky Parker man Buffy: He can be really sweet. I'm telling you I think he had intimacy problems because of the death of his father. Willow: Not interested. You got troubles, tell em to the bartender. Xander: That's right. Cause the bartender's always ready to listen. Cut to the pub: Xander: What? What? Okay and you had a rum and coke, and you had a poker's light. And a vodka on the rocks. And a water. Is that right? Customer one (boy): Do I have to write it down for you. A glass of ice water. A simple request? Ice water. Customer two (girl): a cold ale, a Canadian lager, a glass of white wine. And a daiquiri Xander: Ice water, right. Do you want that on the rocks? Buffy walks in and sees Parker talking to a girl. She walks right into Riley, spilling his drink on him. Buffy: Oooh. Riley, I'm so sorry. Riley: That's okay you know, but most people go around. I'm not saying you can't go through me, It's just that the other is much quicker. Buffy: In my defense you do take up a lot of space. Riley: I do. I'm (?). You looking for someone? Buffy: Um, I just saw Parker over there. Riley: right. Parker and his latest conquest. You know that boy should have (?) Buffy: he's kinda a girl chaser huh? Riley: sets em up and knock's em down. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned but my father says that if you wanna be a gentleman you (Sees that she's ignoring him) Riley: don't even care what my father says. Buffy: I'm sorry what? Riley: forget about it. You know I've got some people waiting. I'll see you in class right? Riley leaves. Buffy sees Parker and the girl making out and goes to leave. Cut to Xander at the bar. Two girls are talking. Xander flicks his cigarette lighter at a one of the girls. Xander: Rough Day? Girl: Nay, it's been super. We accepted Melody's pledge. And made her an official sister of Beta Delta Gamma. And our pins arrived today. I designed it myself. Xander: You are so sharp. Guy: Hey Paula. You keeping this fine bartender from his duty? A man's gotta make a living. Xander: s'all right. Guy: So the guys and I are about to celebrate Xander: Uh, I said it was all right. I'm due for a break. Guy: Oh, so what were you discussing. Maybe we could all join. Paula: Be nice Guy: What? Xander: ah, forget it. Guy: Oh, no I rudely interrupted and it sounds like the two of you were having quite the meeting of minds. Possibly debating the geopolitical ramifications of bioengineering. You got a take on that? Xander: I've got beer. You want some beer. Guy: Yeah, a pitcher of Black Frost. You see I think we have a perfect venue here for conducting a little sociometry. A bi-polar continuum of attraction and rejection. No given your sociological statuses. I foresee a B rejects A dyad. I'm sorry, lemme clarify. You see, we are the future of this country and you keep our bowl of peanuts full. We are what these girls want. And uh, four glasses. Xander: How's about I see some ID cause you're not seeing a drop until I'm satisfied that Bartender: Just give em a beer (Xander pours a pitcher for them and leaves) Cut to Buffy sitting alone at the bar. Xander sees her and comes over. Xander: Buffy? Rough day? Wanna tell me about it? Buffy: It's just . Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get enough of it. And knew it. I knew what he was. If he were tied and gagged and left in a cave that vampires happen to frequent it wouldn't really be like I killed him really Xander: Buffy Buffy: I'm a slut Xander: No Buffy: Idiot Xander: No. You gotta stop being so hard on. Bartender: Hey Xander: Sorry, so sorry. Buffy: I'm better. This has helped. Xander: Do NOT go anywhere. She gets up to leave when a guy bumps into her. Buffy: Oh, oh. I'm so sorry I just keep running into people today. Guy #2: I can't imagine anybody minding. You're not thinking about leaving are you? Because we have a strict policy against you leaving. At least until you've had a drink. Guy #1: Yeah, well what my friend is just saying is you shouldn't be sad and alone right now. I mean you're a very beautiful girl who should be covered with men. And, could we be those men? It's on us. Buffy sees Parker leaving with the girl. She smiles at the guys and takes a beer from them. Cut to the Bronze. Oz is walking through the crowd with two drinks in his hands. Willow is sitting at a table. Oz: Hey. You got a table. Willow: I had to kill a man. Oz: Well, it's a really good table Willow: I copied out my notes for Psyche since you were so elsewhere this morning. Oz: Thanks Willow: It's really pretty simple stuff. You know, just what's the matter. Oz: I dunno. I feel It's nothing. They look at the stage where Veruca appears and starts singing. Oz is entranced and Willow notices. It seems like Veruca is singing right to Oz. Willow: We could go back to your place. I could make you soup. Oz: No. That's okay I'm fine. Thanks. They continue watching the band. Willow is getting uncomfortable. Willow: Do you know her? Oz: Veruca? No. I know their drummer. He's cool. I've never heard them play. Things get more intense. Oz is mesmerized by Veruca. Cut to the pub. Buffy is chugging a beer Guys: Chug, chug, chug, chug Buffy finishes the beer and burps Guy #1: The thing that the modern day (?) failed to realize is that all the socio-echonomical and psychological problems inherent in modern society can be solved by the judicious application of way too much beer Guy #2: Black frost is the only beer. Buffy: My mother always said that beer was evil Guy #1: Evil. Good. These are moral absolutes that predate the absolution of malt and fine hops. You see, wait where was I? Buffy: I'm really not sure: Guy#4: Well, Thomas Equines and (all the other guys stop him saying "NO") Guy #2: There will be no Thomas Equines at this table. Guy#3: Keep your theology of providence to yourself frat boy Guy#4: I was just drawing a parallel between Guy#1: Beer. Had the earliest morality developed under the influence of beer there would be no good or evil. There would just be kinda nice and pretty cool. Everything would be different. Buffy: You guys really like to hear yourselves speak don't ya Guy#1: Alright we're losing her guys Guy #2: Say something i8nteresting. Guy #3: Tell us about yourself Guy#2: Yeah, what do you like. Buffy: Well, I don't hate this for a start. Cut to Buffy and Willow's dorm room the next day. Willow walks in from the bathroom with a towel over her shoulder and her bath stuff in hand. She seems upset. Willow: My name's Veruca. I'm in a band. I'm Oz, I'm in a band too. Oh, and this is Willow. Oh, how fun and creepy. Groovy. Buff, have you heard of this Veruca chick? Dresses like Faith, voice like an albatross. Buffy: (watching MTV) TV is a good thing. Bright colours. Music. Tiny little people. Willow: What did you do with Buffy Buffy: I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness Willow: You didn't. Not with Parker again. Buffy: No, with four really smart guys. Willow: Four? Oh. Ow. Oh Buffy, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it? Buffy: I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came beer. Willow: And then group s*x? Buffy: (Hits her) Gutter face. No! Just lots and lots of beer. It's nice. Foamy. Comforting. It's just beer. Willow: Drowning your troubles over Parker. Mind frying man! He deserves a slow and torturous death by spiderbites. Well, for today we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class. Buffy: Okay. (Gets up to leave in her pjs) Willow: Uh (stops her) getting dressed would be fun to. Cut to Prof. Walsh's class: Prof. Walsh: Next class we'll be moving on to personality types and disorders. For those of you who have done the reading you already know (sees Buffy's hand up) yes? Buffy: She read the reading. Prof. Walsh: well, she'll have some time on her hands. As I was saying. We won't be able to cover it all in the class but that doesn't mean it isn't work knowing and it doesn't mean it won't be on the mid-term. Now, if I've been unclear in any way. Speak now. (Buffy sees a girl eating a sandwich and she grabs it out of her hands and starts to eat it) Willow: Buffy! Buffy are you okay? Prof. Walsh: Good. Now before you go. Make sure you get the complete worksheet from the TA. Based on that do (?) and hand them to me at the start of the class on Monday. Buffy: (with her mouth full) Yeah, why wouldn't I be. Cut to a lab where someone is brewing something in beakers. We see a glove turn a knob and fluid run down a tub into a vat of Black Frost beer (what Buffy was drinking the night before). Cut to commercial. Cut to pub that night. Buffy is watching Guy#1 pour beer into her glass Buffy: This good. Ooh, good enough. Guy#1: Still more is good. Buffy: yeah. Foamy. Guy#3: You should come to our class on big thinking. It's good. (They all laugh. Cut to Xander at the bar. A girl approaches with a cigarette) Girl: Boy, I'm having the worst day. You got a light? Xander points to a no-smoking sign Guy#1: I like girls Buffy: You stupid Guy#1: No, you stupid Buffy: smelly head Guy#1 pushes Guy#2 over. They all laugh and Xander looks on kinda concerned. Cut to the dorm. Oz walks up to Willow as she comes out of her room Oz: Willow. Hey. I tried calling Willow: Yeah, I've been up at the library. How are you feeling? Oz: What do you mean? Willow: well, you weren't in class. Again. Oz: Yeah, I was practicing. Hey Shy's playing again tonight Willow: Shy? Oz: yeah, Veruca's band and they asked me to sit in with them. It would be kinda cool if you were there. Willow: Two Veruca shows in two nights. Are you sure you wanna share your groupie? I think I'm gonna study. Because of the fun. Oz: well, yeah I guess how I could see it be dull for ya. (There's an uncomfortable silence between them and Oz looks confused at Willow being so distant and cold) Willow: See ya (she turns around and leaves) Oz: Yeah. (He looks hurt and leaves) [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to the pub. Everyone is gone but the group Buffy is will Guy#1: Stupid Guy#2: No, you stupid. Buffy: No you. (They all laugh) Xander puts some music on the jukebox. Buffy: You (they all laugh) Buffy: Hey! She runs over to him and looks confused. She bangs on the jukebox and laughs Buffy: thing. Like it. Xander: It's time to go home Buffy Buffy: Want more singing. Want more beer Xander: No, I've cut you off. Buffy: did it hurt Xander: Out you go. Xander picks her up and starts carrying her to the door. She struggles. Final she walks to the door with him. Buffy: Ow, oh, want beer. Like beer. Beer good. Xander: Beer Bad. Bad, bad beer. What the hell am I saying? Buffy, go home and go to bed. Buffy: Say bye (pushes him) Xander: Bye Buffy: Bye (she leaves) Guy#1: Hey, where'd girl go? Cut to another part of the pub. Willow walks in and sees Parker stirring coffee. She approaches him. Parker: Hey. Did you want something? Willow: Yes. I wanted to give you a piece of my mind. I'm tired of you men and your manness. Buffy's really hurting right now. In fact she's in need of a big mental tidy. Parker how could you do this to her? Parker: Oh, I don't get what you mean. What did I do? Willow: She shared something very intimate with you. And you act like it's nothing more than a bag of some kind of snack food Parker: Willow, I'm not sure I need to explain my actions here but if that's what you want Willow: Yes followed by an admission of undeniable guilt. But go on. (She sits down with him) Parker: some relationships center on a deep emotional tie. Or a loyal friendship. Or something. But most are just two people passing through life enriching or aggravating each other's lives briefly. Willow: Go on Parker: Just for one night can't two people who feel an attraction come together and create something wonderful? And then go back to their lives the next day better for it but never over analyzing it or wanting it to be more than it was? I have. She should too. Willow: People like Buffy a-and me assume that intimacy means friendship and respect. People shouldn't have to ask first if you're going to be eyeing other prospects tomorrow. Parker: People shouldn't have to preface casual s*x with "just so you know I'll never grow any older with you." It takes the fire out of it. Willow: Maybe. Parker: Willow, I don't regret what happened. Or what we did. But I am sorry that Buffy's hurting and if I mislead her than I'm sorry for that too I didn't mean to. I'm impressed that you care so much about her. You're a good friend. Cut back to the guys. They are getting more apelike. Xander comes to clean the table and get paid for the drinks. Xander: Alright, time to pay up and go home guys. They throw money at him. Guy#1 leaves to go to the washroom. Xander continues cleaning and picks up a wad of cash from the table. Xander: Let's see, I'll take this one, and this one. And you know I've always had a problem calculating the tip and you guys being so dapper and brain, maybe you can help me out. Okay great. See if your bill comes to thirty-eight dollars and people tip what, approximately thirty percent? That makes you tip what? (One of the guys gives him all the money). You are so smart. This is so the right amount. (Hears banging in the bathroom). Somebody didn't have their fiber today. Hey are you alright in there? Buddy? Guy#1 bursts out of the bathroom. He has become a Neanderthal. He conks Xander over the head with a club. Cut to commercial. Cut to Xander lying down and the Neanderthal guy on top sniffing his unconscious form. Xander slowly wakes up and sees him. Cut to the three other frat guys afraid and backing away. Guy#2: Oh God Guy#3: Let's get outta here! Neanderthal frat Guy#1 yells in Xander's face and Xander yells back. He gets up as the other frat guys begin to devolve into Neanderthals as well. Xander: (jumping up): Hey, hey, easy. We're cool. (They back him into a corner) Help. Oh God. (He pulls out his Zippo lighter and lights it. The Neanderthals are all afraid of the fire and back away) NG#1: Fire bad. Fire pretty Xander: Fire angry! (They all run away out the door in fear. Xander closes the door behind them and calls his boss) Xander: Jack! Jack! We've got a problem. The guys they they're some of the patrons are turning into cavemen Jack: They've had it comin (he puts some Black Frost beer on the counter) Cut to the campus. The cavemen are running around like apes, jumping into trees and fighting. Cut to the pub: Jack: you know I've been taking abuse from snot nosed kids for twenty years. They're always coming in here with their snotty attitude, drinking their fruity little micro brews and spouting out some philosophy Like it means a damn thing. Thinking they're different than us. Xander: They are now Jack: they ain't. That's the great thing about beer. It makes all men the same. Xander: Why are we talking about beer the guys are the beer. Jack: Neat huh? My brother-in-law's a warlock. He showed me how to do it. Xander: No. No neat. I served them that beer. I served Buffy that beer! Uh, how much beer would you say a person would need to consume before they start seriously questing for fire? Jack: Relax. It will wear off in a day or so. Xander: In a day or so someone is going to get killed. You're a bad, bad man. Cut to outside. The Neanderthals see cars. One stands in the middle of the road and gets hit by a car. He is seriously injured. The driver jumps out to see if he's okay. Car guy: I didn't see him, is he okay? He sees what they are and runs away in fear. The other cavemen smash the car, then chase some girls down the street while the injured one remains on the street in pain. Cut to Buffy's dorm. Xander and Giles are walking through the halls. Xander: Well, I cut her off before the others so I don't think she had as much to drink. Giles: I can't believe you served Buffy that beer. Xander: I didn't know it was evil Giles: But you knew it was beer Xander: well excuse Mr. "I spent the sixties in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove". Giles: it was the early seventies and you should know better Xander: I'm not the dad of her. Buffy's a grown up. It wasn't enough to They see Buffy in her room drawing cave pictures on her walls. She looks at them with a wild look and bangs on the picture she has drawn of a man on the wall. Buffy: Parker bad Cut to the pub where Parker and Willow have moved to a couch and are still talking Parker: I don't mean this in a bragging way but I do get to know a lot of women Willow: Well, getting to know people is good. Parker: But I haven't found the one yet. I've yet to find the girl that I can just sit with. Feel totally at ease. Feeling whatever's on my mind. Or even sit with comfortably in silence. Willow, can I tell you something kinda private? Willow: okay, I mean I feel you've shown me a perspective I haven't really thought much about before. What was it you wanted to tell me? Parker: Just that I've enjoyed talking to you. Here. Tonight. Willow: Me too. I mean, with you. You know, I'm wondering something. About you. Parker: What? Willow: Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean with you gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly even to me! You're unbelievable! Parker: What? Willow: This isn't sharing. This isn't connecting. It's the pleasure principle. That's right I got your number ID boy. The only thing you're thinking about is how long you can jump on my bones Parker: Look, if you think that I'm Willow: I mean, you men. It's all about the s*x! You find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary just as long as you get the s*x. I tell you men haven't changed since the dawn of time. The cavemen break in with the girls in tow Willow: You see? They knock Willow down and hit Parker with a stick. Cut to Buffy's room again. Giles: fascinating really. (Buffy's going around on a chair and then falls on the floor. She goes to the TV) Buffy: Want people. Where people go? Giles: The TV is off. Buffy: Want! Want people. Giles: She doesn't appear to be in any danger. Maybe you should stay with her. Buffy snifs Xander. Giles: or perhaps she should be left alone. Buffy: Boy smells nice (she grabs him and snifs him) Xander: Yeah, I think we need to track down the fun boys somewhat pronto. Jack said the effects of the beer would wear off Buffy: Beer? Buffy want beer Giles: You can't have beer Buffy gives Giles an evil look Buffy: Want beer Xander: Giles, don't make cave slayer unhappy She fakes a punch at Giles Buffy: Buffy strong Giles: Yes, Buffy strong Buffy: Buffy get beer Giles: Buffy get Buffy tackles him, pushes Xander out of the way and runs out of the room. Xander: Giles! Giles: I'm fine. Just get her Xander: Which way? Giles: Um, check down there. We have to find her before someone gets hurt. Cut back to the pub the caveman have knocked willow out and have made a shambles of the place. There is a fire spreading. Caveguy#1 is leaning over Willow's unconscious form. Caveguy#1: Woman. Man. Caveguy#2: (waving a stick in the air) Woman! Cut to commercial. Cut to the pub. Caveguys finally realize the pub is on fire and start to panic, not knowing what to do. Cut to Xander running across campus. Xander: Buffy! Buffy! He spots her and approaches her. She looks confused. Xander: Aha can't find the beer. Good. Freshman girls unable to hold the beer shouldn't have it. Get into trouble. Buffy jumps away from him Xander: Hey, we're good. Remember the boy? Boy smells good yeah? Is there any part of Buffy still in there. Buffy starts to snif. They turn and see smoke Xander: Oh no. Buffy: Fire bad! She runs towards the pub. In the pub the Neanderthals have gathered all the girls in a corner and continue to prance around, not knowing what to do. Buffy breaks in but can't get through the flames. She sees a fire extinguisher and gets it but is too far gone to know what to do with it so just throws it into the fire. Then she sees Willow's unconscious form and something clicks inside. She jumps over the flames and to Willow. Xander runs inside. Xander: Buffy?! Xander runs back outside because there is too much smoke Xander: Where the hell is Giles? Cut to Giles talking to a student Giles: Blonde. Um, about this tall. Walks with a sort of a sideways limp. Cut back to the pub. Buffy: Bad. Bad. Buffy sees windows. She jumps up and works her way across some pipes until she can bust the window open. The Neanderthals take cue and start knocking things over so they can make a stairway to the window. They all run out and the girls follow them. Buffy drags Willow out and up to the window where Xander is helping the girls outside Xander: Are you alright? Willow: Buffy's still in there. Back inside Buffy sees Parker. He's awake and coughing. He doesn't see Buffy who is looking at a big stick with a lot of interest. Parker: Oh God. Help me. I can't breathe. (He sees her). Buffy. Oh god, what do we do? Buffy clubs him over the head with a stick. She grabs his arm. Cut to outside the pub. Xander and Giles stand beside a bench where Willow sits and Buffy hovers over her protectively. Xander: Did you guys have enough fun for one night? Willow: Yes. Please. Buffy: Buffy tired. Xander: And was there a lesson in all this huh? What did we learn about beer? Buffy: Foamy Xander: Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think that the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This will give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO ME! Buffy walks up to a van and sees the Neanderthals inside. She bangs on the windows getting their attention. Giles: whose van is that? Xander: I dunno. Wasn't locked. Parker walks up to her alive and well Parker: Buffy. Buffy I I dunno how to say this. I'm sorry for how I treated you before. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry. You were great tonight, really. I might not deserve this but do you think that you could forgive me? Buffy wacks him with the club again and knocks him out. The gang gathers around and looks at him. Buffy walks back towards the van but Xander guides her away with the others. The end.

Xander gets a job bartending at the college pub; Buffy drinks with upperclassmen at that pub. It turns out that the bar manager is spiking the beer with some supernatural mojo, causing the targets to revert to caveman mentality.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_06x12

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_06x12_0

Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Well, I must say, Leonard, when I first heard your idea for Giant Jenga, I was sceptical. Leonard: I can't blame you. Tiny Twister was a complete bust. Sheldon: No, I was wrong. The looming threat of being crushed under a pile of lumber does add a certain spice. I've never felt so alive. (Answers door) Oh, hello, Alex. Uh, let me go get you last night's recordings. Leonard: What recordings? Sheldon: Well, you remember when you told me I talk in my sleep? Well, it occurred to me that, like most things I say, it's probably pure gold. So I started recording it all, and now Alex gets to comb through eight hours of what I like to call Sheldon After Dark. Alex: Hey, Leonard. Leonard: Hey. Just playing a little Giant Jenga here. Alex: Oh, I know, I'm the one who had to buy him the helmet. So, do you have any plans this weekend? Leonard: Well, most of Saturday's gonna be figuring out where to put this game when we're done. How about you? Alex: Oh, I'm gonna go see Kip Thorne give a lecture on subatomic space-time. Leonard: Ooh. That's his take on John Wheeler's quantum foam. That should be great. Alex: Well, if you want, you can come with me. Leonard: Ah, I'd love to, but I'm supposed to hang out with Penny. Alex: Well, bring her. Leonard: Well, she's not really into that kind of stuff. Alex: Yeah, okay. Well, if you want to hear about the lecture, I can tell you all about it at work, or, you know, over dinner sometime. Leonard (jumping and knocking over the Jenga): What? Sheldon: Jenga, I win! Credits sequence. Scene: The cafeteria. Howard: Oh, come on, that can't be true. Raj: I did the research. Tony the Tiger, Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Count Chocula, Trix the Rabbit, Snap, Crackle and Pop. Not one cereal mascot is a girl. It's a total breakfast sausage fest. Leonard: Are we done with this? Raj: Almost. Franken Berry, Boo Berry, Sugar Bear and the Honey Nut Cheerio bee, I believe his name is Buzz. Leonard: Terrific. Something weird happened and I don't know what to do about it. Howard: What's going on? Leonard: Sheldon's assistant asked me on a date last night. Raj: How could you do that to me? You know I've been working it with Alex for weeks. Leonard: Working it? You can't even talk to her. Raj: I talk with my eyes. Howard: You look like my little cousin when he's dropping one in his diaper. Leonard: She knows I have a girlfriend. It's so weird. Raj: Oh, my God. You're loving this. Leonard: To my bones. I mean, I'm not gonna do anything about it. I love Penny. It's just nice to have a young, attractive woman sniffing around the goods. Raj: I both hate you and want to be you. This is Ryan Gosling all over again. Sheldon: Ah, gentlemen, what is on the conversational menu this morning? Raj: Leonard stole my woman, and he knew full well I was only six to eight months away from making my move. Leonard: I didn't steal anyone. Raj: Your assistant is totally hitting on this jerk and he loves it. Sheldon: Well, that's not acceptable. I mean, I'm her boss. She needs to be solely focused on my needs, not distracted by your pasty, androgynous brand of sexuality. Leonard: I'm androgynous? Sheldon: Oh, please. Look at you with your pouty bee-stung lips. Leonard: What do you guys think I should do? Raj: I say you tell Alex your heart belongs to Penny, I provide her a shoulder to cry on, and then roughly half a year later I give it to her good. Scene: Amy's apartment. Sheldon: I want to thank you all for coming on such short notice. Uh, in the past, I've reached out to each of you individually, but I believe my present situation requires the collective wisdom of the group, which as you can see from your commemorative T-shirts I have dubbed Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies. Penny: What is happening? Sheldon: I need your advice about a delicate workplace situation. Uh, to protect those involved, I'll be changing their names. Bernadette: Who's involved? Sheldon: Well, a short, bespectacled colleague of mine who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate. Let's call this colleague Ricardo Shilly-Shally. Penny: You're talking about Leonard. Sheldon: No, no, Shilly-Shally has red hair and, uh, he briefly served in the Mexican Navy. Anyway, despite the fact that he has a girlfriend, Shilly-Shally has been the recipient of inappropriate workplace flirtations from a young lady. Amy: It's your assistant Alex, isn't it? Sheldon: No. No. No. This is Tondelaya della Ventimiglia. Penny: Wait, what the hell's going on with Leonard and Alex? Sheldon: No, uh, no, I'm sorry. Who's talking about Leonard and Alex? Penny: Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya. Sheldon: Okay, look, it's not really about Ricardo and Tondelaya. It is really about her boss, who doesn't quite know how to handle this situation and could use your advice, which is surprising because Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm, he's usually pretty smart about these things. Penny: I'm gonna kill her. Bernadette: I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about. Leonard would never cheat on you. Amy: She's right. But say the word, I got a lab full of cocaine-addicted monkeys with nothing to lose. One of them could end up in the backseat of her car. Or her shower. Sheldon: Ladies, ladies, please. We're not here to talk about Penny, okay? We're here to talk about me. Uh, I mean Einstein Von Brainstorm. Oh, darn it! All right, I guess the cat's out of the bag. Let me explain what's going on. Ricardo is really Leonard. Penny: We know what's going on, Sheldon! Sheldon: Well, what should I do? Bernadette: Well, Alex is your employee. If she's doing something that's making Leonard uncomfortable, you should talk to her. Sheldon: Oh, no, he's not uncomfortable at all. No, he's loving it. Yeah, he's strutting around like he's five-foot-six. Penny: What? He's loving it? Bernadette: Sheldon, you need to talk to Alex right away. Sheldon: Talk to her? That's all you've got? With a cool name like Sheldon Cooper's Council of Ladies, I really expected more. Give me back the T-shirts. Scene: Sheldon's office. Sheldon: Alex, check my schedule. What does my afternoon look like? Alex: I think it's pretty wide open. Oh, wait. Here's something at four o'clock. Give Alex a talking to? Sheldon: Well, that snuck up on us, didn't it? Alex: Is there a problem? Sheldon: Let's not call it a problem. Let's call it an opportunity. To solve a serious problem. Alex: What did I do? Sheldon: You don't know? Oh, you poor dear. Your ovaries are squirting so much goofy juice into your brains you don't even know which way is up. You made an inappropriate sexual advance towards Dr. Hofstadter. Alex: What? I didn't make a sexual advance on anybody. Sheldon: Now, there's no need to get defensive. I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. My father used to say that a woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a warm Texas day. Alex: What? Sheldon: Full of eggs and only appealing for a short time. Alex: This conversation is making me uncomfortable. Sheldon: Yeah, you and me both, sister. Now, please understand, I don't hold you responsible for your behaviour because, see, from an evolutionary standpoint, you're a slave to your desire to reproduce. But during the work day, when you feel possessed by amorous intent, may I suggest that you suppress it by leafing through this illustrated book of sexually transmitted diseases? Let's see here. Oh, yes. Check out this oozy doozy. Alex: I have to go. Sheldon: So does this fellow, but he can't without it burning like hot soup. Scene: The stairwell. Leonard: Hey, pretty lady. Penny: Oh, you seem extra happy. Leonard: Uh, I guess I am. Penny: Any particular reason why? Leonard: I don't know, just having a good day. This morning Sheldon fell asleep on the way to work, so I got to listen to the radio. That was pretty crazy. Penny: Mm-hmm. Anything else? Leonard: Mm. I found this quiz online called Which Star Trek Character Are You? and it only took me four tries to get Captain Kirk. Penny: That's great. Leonard: Oh. It. Was. Penny: Hmm. Well, I'm glad you're having such a great day. Leonard: Yeah. And the one thing that could make it even better is an evening with my special girl. Penny: Oh, and who's that? Leonard: What do you mean? Penny: Oh, I just didn't know if you meant me or Alex. Leonard: Um, why would I mean Alex? Penny: Because I know she hit on you and I know you liked it. Leonard: What? Penny: Don't play dumb with me, Ricardo Shilly-Shally! Leonard: I'm missing something. (Enters apartment. To Sheldon) Did you say something to Penny about Alex? Sheldon: Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot of good it did me. All she did was get mad at you. Leonard: Why would you do that? Sheldon: I needed advice about a woman. I would have asked you, but if the last few years have proven anything, it's that you can't tell a uterus from a unicycle. Leonard: At least I know not to blab to a girl about somebody flirting with her boyfriend. Sheldon: Good to know. Yeah, a few more helpful hints like that, you may find yourself on the Council of Ladies. (Answering phone) Hello. I see. Uh, what time? Very well, then. Huh. That was the Human Resources Department at the university. Apparently, my assistant Alex has filed a complaint accusing me of inappropriate behaviour in the workplace. Leonard: Oh, my God, what did you do? Sheldon: Hmm, let me think. Nothing. I'm a delight. Scene: The Human Resources Department. Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department. (Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department. (Knock, knock, knock) Human Resources Department. HR Woman: Come in. Sheldon: Hello. HR Woman: Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat. Sheldon: Thank you. HR Woman: I called you in today because your assistant Alex Jensen has lodged a complaint against you. Sheldon: So I've been told. But I can't understand what she has to complain about. I mean, she has a front-row seat as I make scientific history. There's string cheese in my mini-fridge, and that's for anyone. Yeah, and just yesterday I led her away from a life of sexual promiscuity by making her look at pictures of disease-ridden genitalia. HR Woman: Cancel my next appointment. This is gonna take a while. Dr. Cooper, you said things to your employee that you just cannot say in the workplace. Sheldon: Like what? HR Woman: Well, according to Ms. Jensen, you said that she was a slave to her biological urges and called her an egg salad sandwich. I don't even know what that means, but I'm gonna go ahead and tell you you can't say it. Sheldon: Oh! I see the confusion here. No, no, Alex thought I was singling her out. No. I meant that all women are slaves to their biological urges, you know? Even you. You're a slave. HR Woman: I'm a what? Sheldon: Well, y-you, I-I'm just saying, you know, at a certain point in a woman's menstrual cycle... HR Woman: Whuh-ah! Woah! You can't talk about that, either, Dr. Cooper. Your language is entirely inappropriate, and I'm gonna advise that you shut your mouth right now. Sheldon: I don't see why I'm the one being persecuted here. Dr. Hofstadter, he was bragging about his sexual desirability to anyone who would listen. You know, and Howard Wolowitz, he spent two years using university resources building a six-breasted s*x robot. Oh, and at the office Christmas party, I heard Rajesh Koothrappali refer to you several times as Brown Sugar. HR Woman (writing): Hofstadter... Wolowitz... and the last one was Rajesh Koothrappali? Sheldon: Yes. No, yeah, but in his defense, that wasn't racist. He's also brown. Scene: Penny's apartment. Penny answers the door. Leonard is playing his cello outside. Leonard (singing): I'm sorry Alex hit on me, hit on me, hit on me. I'm sorry Alex hit on me, I'd no idea I'm cute. Penny: Oh, damn it, you are. Leonard: Please forgive me. I should have told you about Alex. Penny: I don't care about Alex. Fine, I care. Okay, I hate that bitch. But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. I mean, do I need to be worried? Leonard: Of course not. No. Why? Penny: Because, she is pretty and smart, and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said. Leonard: You do that? Penny: No. Leonard: Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? Because that's my thing, and if you take it away, I don't know what I'm bringing to this relationship. Penny: Yes, Leonard, I am insecure. Happy? Leonard: No, I'm not happy. Penny: Why are you smiling? Leonard: I'm sorry. I just never think of you having feelings like that. Penny: Well, I do. Leonard: Why? Nothing is ever going to happen between me and Alex. Penny: Good. Leonard: Come here. Tell you a secret? Penny: What's that? Leonard: With all these women chasing me, I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk. Penny: Can I tell you a secret? Leonard: Sure. Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk, and we're all gonna stop. Leonard: Message received. Ah, excuse me. (Answering phone) Hello. This is Dr. Hofstadter. Okay. All right, thank you. That's weird. I'm getting called in to Human Resources. Penny: What did you do? Leonard: I don't know. Scene: Howard and Bernadette's kitchen. Howard: Huh. I just got called in to Human Resources. Bernadette: Why? Howard: I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj: Huh. That is so strange. Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow. (To his dog) Could you stop licking your ass for two minutes? I have a problem here. Scene: Human Resources department. Howard: Do you really think you should be drinking right now? Raj: How else am I supposed to talk to the Human Resources lady? Howard: I don't know. Seek professional help? Raj: I did. The guy at the liquor store said this stuff tastes great in coffee. Howard: Wait, you got called in, too? What is going on? Leonard: Sheldon threw us all under the bus. Howard: Oh. Raj: I feel like I've been called down to the principal's office. Although I wouldn't mind if Brown Sugar suspended me. From a s*x swing. This may have been a mistake. Howard: Relax. Everything's gonna be fine. Before I met Bernadette I was in here every other day. Uh, little tip, turn off your I Like Big Butts ringtone before you go in. Raj: Well, this is all your fault. Leonard: How is this my fault? Raj: If you weren't screwing around with Sheldon's assistant, none of this would be happening. Leonard: I wasn't screwing around with anyone. Raj: Oh, of course not. She was just sniffing around your goods because she was hunting for truffles. HR Woman: Ah, Mr. Wolowitz, it's been a while. Howard: Hey, Janine. How are Tom and the kids? Janine: Fine. You must be Dr. Hofstadter. Leonard: Yes, but I think this is all a big misunderstanding. Raj: Yeah, yeah, me, too. I didn't do anything. Janine: Is that alcohol on your breath? Raj: Howard built a s*x robot. Howard: That is not true. All I did was build a robot. Janine: Did it have six breasts? Howard: I'm sorry, I'm a feminist, I don't notice things like how many breasts a robot has. Sheldon: Well, hello. Leonard: What are you doing here? Sheldon: Actually, I came to speak to Mrs. Davis. Janine: And I'm a little busy right now. Sheldon: But I came to file a complaint. Somebody has made me feel uncomfortable in the workplace by using language of an inappropriate and sexual nature. Janine: And who was that? Sheldon: You, you dirty birdie. I-I thought about the things you said to me yesterday, and I realized I'm deeply offended. Now, be a dear and get me one of those complaint forms. Janine: That's it. All of you, in my office now! Sheldon: And thanks to you, I know better than to ask if you're menstruating. And based on your behaviour, I don't have to. Scene: Sheldon's office. Sheldon: It has been pointed out to me that some of the things I said to you could be construed as offensive, and I would like to offer you my sincerest apology. Alex: Thank you, Dr. Cooper. Sheldon: Yeah, additionally, you should know that the university has mandated that I take an online sexual harassment seminar so this sort of thing doesn't happen in the future. Alex: Okay. Sheldon: Yeah. Now, unfortunately, uh, my time is much too valuable to waste on nonsense like this, so, um, I'm gonna need you to take it for me. Oh, and, uh, you'd better ace it, they're pretty mad. Scene: The apartment. Penny: So, hey, I was thinking about that stuff with Alex. Leonard: Oh, would you stop worrying about that? Penny: I can't help it. But, look, I figured I could sit around and feel insecure, or I could do something about it. So I got a course catalogue at school and looked at some of the science classes. Leonard: That's great. Penny: No, it isn't, they are extremely boring. I mean, how do you not kill yourself, like, every day? Anyway, I decided I don't need to be a scientist, I could just look like one. So I bought these. Leonard: Glasses? I really don't think that's gonna change... oh, my God, you look so smart and hot. Penny: I know, right? Watch this. Molecules. Leonard: Okay, come with me. Penny: Where are we going? Leonard: To my bedroom, so I can take everything off but those glasses. And maybe the boots.

Alex invites Leonard to accompany her to Kip Thorne's lecture on quantum foam. He declines, having a date with Penny that day, so Alex offers to talk about the lecture "over dinner". Realizing Alex is hitting on him, he is flattered at attention from two attractive women at once despite his commitment to Penny. When Sheldon finds out, he is unhappy: his assistant Alex should devote her time to him. Sheldon asks advise from Amy, Penny and Bernadette describing to them what happened while replacing Leonard and Alex's name to "protect their identity". The women quickly deduced the real situation, infuriating Penny upon knowing that Leonard liked being hit on. On Bernadette's advice, Sheldon talks to Alex about the issue, but his sexually inappropriate language leads her to file a sexual harassment complaint with the HR Department. Sheldon inadvertently infuriates the Afro-American HR Admin Janine Davis with unintentionally racist and misogynistic remarks. To prove that he hasn't done the worst things at the university, Sheldon implicates Leonard, Howard and Raj in other misdemeanours; she calls them in too. Sheldon must take an online sexual harassment seminar but, unwilling to waste time on such "nonsense", has Alex complete it. Meanwhile, Leonard plays his cello to apologize to Penny and denies feelings for Alex, reassuring Penny he is committed to her. Later she says she can now cope with her insecurities: she dons thick-rimmed glasses to look like a scientist, turning Leonard on like crazy.

fd_Dawson_s_Creek_05x17

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[Scene: The School Hallway. Joey is walking down the hall when Charlie comes running up to her.] Charlie: Joey Potter. Just the girl I'm looking for. Joey: You really have that first name, last name thing down, don't you? Does that help you keep the ladies straight? Charlie: Well, you know, I don't want to confuse Joey from Worthington with Joey from Amherst. Joey: Oh, I passed her on the street once. Didn't like the looks of her. Charlie: Funny, since she's got nothing on you. Joey: You know, now really isn't a prime time for the obnoxious banter, so if the scary stalking part of the evening is over Charlie: Move it along, right, yeah, ok. I need you. Joey: Please say this isn't when you burst into you've lost that loving feeling. Charlie: No, but, you know, funny you should mention bursting into song. Joey: I thought we agreed to never speak of that night again. Charlie: I thought you just meant the kissing part. Joey: There you are, speaking of it. Charlie: Ok, listen, listen. We're doing a gig upstate this weekend. 5 songs, opening act, it's an incredibly big deal. We're even getting paid. 500 bucks. Joey: Wow, that's a month's worth of hair gel. Charlie: Ohh. Look, this is kind of our first big break, except for the lead singer quit. Joey: Hmm. Couldn't handle the bass player with mystique getting all the girls? Charlie: No, these days there's really only one I want. Joey: Ohh. Charlie, I'm flattered, really, in a kind of obligatory way, but Charlie: I need you to sing. Joey: Excuse me? Charlie: I come to you with open arms, Joey, purely a guy asking a girl a favor. Joey: You really trust me to front your band? Charlie: Absolutely. Does this mean you'll do it? Joey: I'll think about it. Charlie: You're totally gonna do it, aren't you? Here's the set list. [Puts a piece of paper into Joey's hand] Joey: Ok, I said I'd think about it, and the longer we stand here, the longer I have to think about you and the 10,000 reasons why I don't want to do this. Charlie: Thank you. [Walks away , then slowly begins to skip and cheer.] [Opening Credits] [Scene: Joey and Audrey's Dorm Room. Audrey and Pacey are making out on her bed, when she stops and sits up.] Audrey: Mmm! Mmm, yeah, you know, this is really hot and everything, but the thrill of knowing that Joey could walk in the door any minute is kind of wearing off. Pacey: And here you told me you didn't have any fantasies. Audrey: You know what I mean, Pacey. Pacey: Actually, I don't. There's not a lot of blood running through my brain right now. Audrey: Well, these make-out sessions used to be very old-school charming, but now it's quickly moving into the realm of slutdom. Your car, my dorm room, the coed bathroom. A lady must be courted, Pacey. Pacey: So, that's it, then? We're having that talk, aren't we? Audrey: You need to get an apartment. Pacey: Is that it? And here I thought you were dumping me. Audrey: Mmm! What's to dump? I'm not holding you back from anything, sport. You know, fly out into the world, my butterfly, be free. Pacey: Do I have to? Audrey: No. You just have to get an apartment. Seriously, I am feeling... all kinds of inhibited right now. Pacey: This is you inhibited? Audrey: Yeah, I mean, I can't really let my freak flag fly with all those warnings from my R.A. Pacey: Then I definitely have to get an apartment. Mmm. I gotta go. Audrey: Ok. Well, whatever. Call me from wherever you're squatting tonight. Pacey: Will do. All right. [Pacey gets up, and grabs his coat as Joey comes into the room] Pacey: Potter. Joey: Witter. [Pacey leaves] Audrey: Hey, before I forget, guess who called? Joey: Um Audrey: no, forget it. You suck at this game. Charlie called. Joey: He called again? Persistent. Audrey: So, are we going? Joey: He told you? Audrey: I am very engaging on the phone, Joey, and you're kidding me if you're telling me you're not gonna do this gig. Joey: It was kind of fun at the bar, but Audrey: kind of fun? Come on, I mean, it was verging on embarrassing. I practically had to drag you off the stage, you're such a media whore. Joey: No, but the thing is tonight. I mean, that means we'd have to leave, like Audrey: in an hour, I know. Charlie and I have it under control. Joey: Well, I'm not riding in the van with his gaggle of questionable guitarists. Audrey: Just relax and concentrate on your heroin chic thing. It just so happens I know a guy with some wheels. Joey: What's with this Charlie petition? He's smarmy. Audrey: Ok, let's just be honest here. I pretty much brought down the house that night, but Charlie has asked you to sing. Now either he's intimidated by my talent, which is kind of likely, or he's hot for you. I'll take the latter, and I don't think it's such a bad thing, Joey. Joey: I mean, if I do this, which apparently we've decided I am, it's for the fun experience of it, not Charlie, just to clarify. Audrey: Well, duly noted. Now, let's go pick out an outfit. And not from your closet, ok? From mine. [Scene: Jen's Room. Dawson is wrapping a present as Jen is trying on various outfits.] Dawson: Is it completely stupid for me to get clothes for my little sister for her birthday? Jen: No, I think that it's great, you know. She's finally developing her own sense of style as opposed to that typical blatant nudity. Dawson: Hey, speaking of which... Jen: Why am I having such a hard time getting dressed? We're going to Capeside for a one-year-old's birthday party. Who am I trying to impress? Dawson: You got me. Jen: Do you mean I got you or you're stumped? Dawson: What? Jen: I don't know. Getting dressed. Dawson: Carry on. [Knock on door] Grams: Jennifer, Dawson, I hope you're decent as I've already entered the room, and I [looks in to see Jen putting on a shirt]oh. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were, uh... let's move on. Um, Joey's waiting for you at the door, Dawson. Dawson: Heh. Thank you. [Grams leaves] Dawson: Wow, I feel really old and boring all of a sudden. Jen: Why? Just because grams didn't catch us in a compromising position? Dawson: Yes, exactly. Jen: You know, not every morning has to begin with an embarrassing grams encounter. Dawson: I know, I know. We should go, unless you want to, uh... Jen: I do, and I would, but I finally just got dressed. I'm just not in the mood to be separated from my outfit at this point. Dawson: Ok. Jen: That was easy. Dawson: Excuse me? Jen: Aren't you supposed to want to have s*x with me at every opportunity? Dawson: I pretty much do. You just said you're not in the mood. And you've been cranky all morning, which kind of makes me not in the mood, so before this little fight you're trying to pick becomes fodder for your radio show, I'm just gonna go downstairs and answer the door. [Dawson begins to leave room.] Jen: Smart-ass. [Dawson stops and turns back.] Dawson: Are you ok? Seriously. Jen: Yeah. Yeah, Dawson, I'm fine. Dawson: Ok. Jen: Ok. [Scene: Outside Grams' House. Dawson comes outside to fins Joey waiting there for him holding a gift in her hand.] Dawson: Perfect timing. We're leaving in 10 minutes. Joey: Oh. Well, actually, Dawson, I came by to tell you that I'm not gonna be able to make it at all. Dawson: Oh, something come up? Joey: Kind of. It's a long story, and--well, I'm-- I'm going upstate to sing with Charlie's band. When you say it out loud, it sounds kind of crazy. Dawson: What, Charlie Charlie? Joey: One and the same. Dawson: Ok, well, we're gonna miss you. Well, I'll miss you more than lily, but you can't blame the kid. She's got a short attention span. Joey: Well, can you give this to her for me? It's just a little something. I... hope she likes it. Dawson: It's bright and shiny. She'll love it. Joey: Have a great trip. Dawson: Yeah, you, too. Not gonna be the same without you. Joey: Heh! Bye. Dawson: Bye. [Scene: Grams' Kitchen. Jack is sitting eating some cereal, when Jen comes in and grabs a class of Orange Juice.] Jen: Is this a new kind of orange juice? Jack: Mm-hmm. I think it's some pulp instead of tons of pulp. Jen: Interesting. I think I'm gonna break up with Dawson. [Jack spits his cereal back into his bowl, and there is an awkward silence which is broken by Dawson entering the room.] Dawson: You ready to go? Jen: Yeah. Dawson: Ok. [Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Grams, Jack, Jen and Dawson pull up in Grams' car. They get out to see a huge part with tons of people there.] Dawson: wow. Had no idea you were throwing such a soiree. Quite a shindig for something lily won't even remember. Gale: Well, I have been a little cooped up lately. Ooh, lily's birthday was just a nice excuse to gather some old friends. [A man comes walking up carrying a little girl with him.] Nathan: Coffee's ready, gale. Hey, you must be Dawson. It's nice to meet you. Dawson: Hey. Gale: Oh, sorry, how rude of me. Um, Dawson, honey, this is my friend Nathan and his daughter Haley. Nathan: Say hi. Hi. Heh heh! Dawson: Uh, this is my girlfriend Jen. Jen: Hi. Nathan: Nice to meet you. Jen: Nice to meet you, too. Gale: Well, um, I think I have just about everything ready. Except, of course, I did forget to pick up the cake at the bakery. Jack: You know, Jen and I, we can do that for you, Mrs. Leery, no problem. Jen: Yeah, that's no problem at all. Gale: Oh, thanks, guys. So, Evelyn, Dawson, how about some coffee? Jen: Be right back. [They all go inside while Jen and Jack watch them go.] Jack: Well, you can't dump him now. Jen: Jack, it's not funny. Jack: No, it's not funny, Jen, which is why we're going to get this cake together so you can fill me in on what the hell is going on here. Get in the car. [Scene: Outside by Pacey's car. Pacey and Audrey are standing on one side of the car talking while Joey is waiting on the other side of the car.] Pacey: And you'll let me pick the music? Audrey: If you must. It'll be fun, Pacey. Come on! There are worse ways to spend your Saturday then traveling the open road with a couple of hotties. Pacey: True, that. But I still don't like the idea of catering to chip mark and his merry band. Audrey: Charlie Todd. Pacey: I don't want to know the guy's actual name. I just don't want you to feel out of the loop or anything. This guy is not even in our social circle. I mean, sure, he circles around it like a vulture, but he's not actually in the circle, you know what I mean? Audrey: No, but he is running towards us with alarming speed. Pacey: Oh, you gotta be kidding me. [Charlie comes running up to them] Charlie: Whew! Thank god I found you. The guys left in the van an hour ago. Joey: Maybe they were trying to tell you something. Charlie: I overslept. You guys mind if I catch a ride? Audrey: Well, I don't see any reason why you can't. Pacey: What was your backup plan? You know, if you overslept and your ride failed you? Charlie: Well, uh, this is pretty much it. Pacey: And even that's an overstatement. Charlie: What? Joey: Nothing. Pace, I know this sucks, but there's not much they can do without him, and as long as we're going... Charlie: Oh, thank you. You guys rock. Joey: I'm really sorry, pace. Nobody planned on this. Pacey: I beg to differ. I'm pretty sure laughing boy over there planned this. [Whining] "I missed my ride." You know that this guy is just stalking Joey Audrey: Hello! Present love interest standing right in front of you. Pacey: It has nothing to do with you. I just saw what this guy did to Jen. I don't want him to do it to another one of my friends. Audrey: Ok, let's just... enjoy this for what it is-- wacky road trip high jinx with a motley crew and their collective sexual tension. Pacey: Throw in a bag of pork rinds, you got yourself a deal. Audrey: Ok. Pacey: But you keep this guy away from me. Seriously. [Inside the car. Joey and Charlie are waiting in the back seat] Charlie: Heh heh! Joey: What? Charlie: It's just... I think I dreamt this once. Joey: What are you talking about? Charlie: You, me, a big backseat. Joey: This backseat has no implications. Charlie: Hey, I didn't say that it did. Joey: This is strictly business. Charlie: All my backseat transactions are. [Car doors close] [Engine starts] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: In the car. They have begun their road trip, with Audrey and Pacey in the front seat, and Charlie and Joey in the rear seat.] Audrey: Oh, looks like we're only gonna be, like, a half an hour away from Salem. Pacey: I don't know that you'd be safe there, sweetie. Joey: Hey, Charlie, what's the name of this place we're playing at again? Charlie: "We," huh? I knew it'd just be a matter of time before you started to embrace the life of a rock star. Pacey: Yeah, you're really roughing it old-school style, buddy. Charlie: Hey, this is a really sweet ride, Pacey. How much this set you back? Pacey: You know, where I come from, Charles, it's not polite to dig into a man's financial affairs. So what is the name of this place we're going to, anyway? Charlie: Uh, the Drunk and the Dead. Pacey: Oh, that sounds like a nice family joint. Charlie: No, it's awesome. I mean, I haven't actually been there, but some of the other guys have. I hear the crowd really gets into it. It's gonna be like an actual set, you know? Not just a bunch of college kids killing time. [He sees the nervous look on Joey's face] Charlie: Hey, don't worry. Joey: I'm not worried. Charlie: Just excited? Joey: I'm not anything. Charlie: Heh heh! Yeah, right. In your mind, you're already imagining your gateway drug and which mode of destruction you'll attack the hotel room with first. [Scene: Outside Dawson's House. Jen and Jack are sitting on some benches talking.] Jack: What's up with you and Dawson? Is it getting old? Jen: Ohh... no, things are just... kind of coming into focus because I, you know, I was so quick to jump into this and tell everybody that they were wrong and that I was right and actually me and Dawson were destined to be together, and it was crazy. I just feel like that existed in some parallel universe, and now it's just sort of... Jack: safe. Jen: Ugh. If I admit that, then... I am really gonna seal the deal as a dysfunctional poster child. And it's not like Steve the indie rocker made me have any profound revelations about the meaning of love, but Jack: but you felt something. Jen: No, I missed something. That thing where you meet somebody for the first time and you get to decide yes or no with only yourself in mind. And I don't want to be that girl that's upset that Saturday nights aren't more fun. I mean, Dawson doesn't deserve that. He's had enough already. Jack: Jen, you should tell him that. [Scene: Inside Dawson's House. Dawson is standing in a doorway, watching Lily playing on the floor with some other kids when Nathan comes up to talk with him.] Nathan: So, Dawson, your mom tells me you're enjoying your new film program in Boston. Dawson: Yep. Nathan: Yeah. I used to dabble a little bit in film when I was in Amherst. Nothing as advanced as you, believe me. Dawson: No, I'm just starting out. Nathan: Oh. W-what about that matrix movie? I mean, they used a lot of that new, uh, digital technology, didn't they? Dawson: Right. [Dawson looks down at Lily playing] Nathan: Well, this one right here, I'll tell you. [Nathan reaches down and picks up Lily] Come here, ms. Lily-wily, we gotta keep an eye on you, right? This one, I'll tell you, she gets into those crayons, and her mama calls her a genius. Hi, genius. I guess the old visual creative gene runs in everybody's blood in this family. Dawson: Excuse me for a minute. [Scene: In Pacey's Car. They have been driving for some time, and there is dead silence in the car. You can sense the tension in the air.] Charlie: Hey, pace? Pacey: Yeah, chuck. Charlie: Look, I don't mean to be a backseat driver or anything, but we kind of need to put the pedal to the metal, if you know what I mean. Pacey: Did he really just say that to me? Audrey: Yeah. Charlie: Look, I understand that you want to be easy on the old girl, but come on, man, we're running a little late. Pacey: Well, maybe you'd made better time with the old hog, huh, chuck? Audrey: Hey, now, ok, guys. No need to auto-bash here. Charlie, honey, I'm sure we'll be fine. And, Pacey, sweetheart, a little speed never hurt anybody. Charlie: You know, if you want me to drive, granny, hey, I can hop up front, all right? Pacey: Heh heh heh. Ok. [Pacey pulls the car over, and everyone gets out.] Audrey: What are you doing? Pacey: Anger management. This one's for me. Chuckles, get out of my car. Charlie: What's the problem? Pacey: There's no problem. We're leaving, and you're hitchhiking. Charlie: Oh, come on, man, you're being ridiculous. Pacey: I'm being ridiculous?! Charlie: Here we go. Pacey: You've been asking for this since the moment you showed up this morning uninvited. Charlie: You know, believe me, I'm regretting it more and more every single second, but why don't you cut me some slack because you don't even know me. Pacey: And you don't know me, because if you did, you would've started walking 5 minutes ago. Charlie: I can't believe this. You don't think I can take you? Audrey: Hey, guys, you know what? You're both very masculine and the girls are impressed. Can we just go now? Pacey: Are you challenging me? [Pacey Pushes him] Charlie: Should I bother? [Charlie pushes Pacey back.] Pacey: You want that? Then let's go. Let's go. [Audrey grabs Pacey's Arm and pulls him off towards the woods] Pacey: Honey, could you just hold on to that for a second? Audrey: Snookums, come on! Come with me now. Pacey: I have a little bit of unfinished business Audrey: Yes, but your Neanderthal charms have me smitten. Please come with me into the woods. Pacey: That's not fair, that's not fair. Audrey: What? Pacey: That's not fair. [They disappear into the woods] Charlie: Yeah, let your woman take care of you. [Charlie looks back to see Joey staring at him with a mean look on her face.] Charlie: Ugh! What is his problem? Joey: What is your problem? The guy's giving you a ride because he happens to be a decent person. Why did you find it necessary to speak? Charlie: I don't know, I mean, it's a good way to pass a 6-hour drive. Look, and you gotta admit, all right, he totally overreacted. Joey: That's a moot point. Now why not be a good little backseat freeloader and just ignore him? Charlie: There are rules about these things. Joey: Oh, god forbid you think for yourself. Charlie: What is that supposed to mean? Joey: You obviously rub him the wrong way. I think you're probably his version of a chesty blonde. Charlie: Heh! You think I'm cute. Joey: I say chesty blonde and you immediately think I'm hot for you. This is never gonna work. Charlie: No, but you're thinking about it. Joey: Yeah. [Seductively] Hey, if you're good, maybe later we could stop for ice cream. [Audrey and Pacey come back, with their clothing somewhat disheveled, and both with a big smile on their face.] Audrey: Ok, we're ready to go now. Charlie: All better? Joey: Charlie. [to Audrey] Whatever you did, and I don't want any details, but thank you. Audrey: You're welcome. [Scene: The pier outside Dawson's House. Jen and Dawson are sitting at the end of it talking as Dawson paces back and forth.] Dawson: I'm all freaked out. I mean, I didn't-- tsk! Didn't expect my mom to be on the dating circuit. I just Jen: I think that you should probably prepare yourself for this. Maybe not for Nathan, but... for the possibility of a Nathan. Dawson: All right, that's great, I will prepare myself, but right now I'm angry and a little shocked. Jen: If you're upset with your mom, why don't you just talk to her? Dawson: Well, I'm kind of trying to talk to you. Jen: She's moving on. Dawson: From my father? Jen: I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. I mean that she's moving on with her life. That's gotta... make you happy to some small extent. Dawson: Does it? Jen: People just need to breathe sometimes and act on their impulses. Your mom isn't gonna always react the way that you think she should. Dawson: I know that I'm not her keeper. I'm just saying I have a right to reaction, don't I? Or maybe not. Jen: I didn't say that you didn't. Dawson: No, but, Jen, I'm trying to talk to you, and maybe you're trying to talk to me, but I feel like we're not having the same conversation. Jen: You know what? I am just painting myself into a corner here. Dawson: No, I'm sorry. I'M... I'm really thrown. I don't mean to attack you. Jen: You're not attacking me. I just-- I don't want to... say something that I'm gonna end up regretting. Dawson: Like what? Jen: Nothing. I just... I just want to go. I'm gonna go. Dawson: Wait a minute, what Jen: Nothing, ok? Dawson: All right, you and I were talking, and then all of sudden there was a continent between us. You want to tell me what's going on? Jen: No. Um... I just want to take a breather. I'm gonna go somewhere with jack. Dawson: Ok. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Drunk and The Dead Bar. Joey, Audrey, Pacey and Charlie enter the bar to see that it is a biker bar, filled with a tough crowd. They see signs that read No Guns Allowed, and shots being filled at the bar.] [Hard rock music playing] Joey: Um, please tell me that we're just stopping here for directions. Pacey: Yeah, because I'm sure the friendly patrons of this bar are just dying to help us plucky college kids. Audrey: So it's got some character. I'm exploring. Charlie: Ok, look, the guys aren't here, and we're not gonna have any time to rehearse. Joey: Are you serious? Charlie: No, it's ok. This kind of crowd probably isn't gonna care much about your singing if you know what I mean. Pacey: That's great. Maybe you can make a little money off her after the show if you know what I mean. Charlie: Oh, come on, man. Pacey: I'm just curious why you brought Joey to place like this in the first place. Charlie: She's a great performer. I thought she could have some fun. Pacey: And maybe you'd have a little fun watching her, right? Joey: Ok, guys, I'm standing right here. [Audrey returns] Audrey: Sorry, sorry. Guys, guess what? There's this chick in the back. She's doing jailhouse-style tattoos, 10 bucks with a shot. All right, let's go toughen you up. Joey: Sounds divine. [Joey and Audrey go off] Pacey: I got my eye on you. Charlie: I don't know why, considering the company. [Scene: Inside the dressing room. Audrey is putting some make-up onto Joey.] Joey: Sounds like this other band is pretty popular. Audrey: It is not a face-off, bunny. No need to fret, no point, really. Not much means of defense against a Sabbath tribute band. Joey: It's not that. I was gonna-- I don't care. Except that I do care. And I've been trying this whole time not to care, but it turns out that nonchalance doesn't suit me, and I want to win them over, but something tells me that's not gonna happen. Audrey: Yeah, you don't do so well with things you don't do so well, but, hey, it's not like you're ever gonna see these people again. Although the night is young. Who knows what will strike your fancy? Joey: I'm serious, Audrey. I mean, playing to this crowd is a lot different than playing to a bunch of warm and fuzzy college students. Ohh, why did I even say yes to Charlie? [There is a knock on the door, and Charlie comes in] Charlie: Hey, Joey? We're on in 5. All right, the set's taped to the mike. I'll introduce you, and then... [] you look gorgeous. Joey: Thanks. [Charlie leaves] Audrey: And, incidentally, you said yes because you're curious. Joey: I never said I liked him. Audrey: I never said liked, I said curious. Same difference, clearly. Joey: I have to go perform. Audrey: Oh, yes, I know how serious you are about your music. Joey: Shut up. Audrey: Hey, never turn on your stylist, Joey. Never! [Audrey goes out to join Pacey in the audience] Pacey: Everything ok? Audrey: Oh, a little stage fright, I think. Pacey: Well, maybe that's because the front row is sharpening knives with their teeth. Audrey: When did you become Mr. Mom? I thought you loved dives like this. Pacey: I do for me, for the occasional wallow, not for my friends. [Joey comes out onto the strange and Charlie gets ready to introduce her.] Charlie: And now the girl who made aggressive mediocrity strive to be better men, Joey Potter! Audrey: Yeah! Whoo! [Audience booing] [Feedback whines] Joey: Hi. [Laughs and hisses] [Singly softly] Joey: Jesse is a friend yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine... [Audience booing] Joey: Jesse's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine [Audience shouting and booing] Joey: And she's loving him with that body, I just know it you know I wish I had Jesse's girl why can't I find a woman like that? [The camera turns from the nervous Joey back to Audrey and Pacey.] Audrey: She might have to take off her clothes, Pacey. [Scene: Dawson's Living room. Dawson is sitting by the play pen watching as Lily is sleeping in it, and Gale comes quietly into the room to join him. She is carrying the gift the Joey gave them, but it hasn't been opened yet.] Gale: Hey. Dawson: Hey. She's out like a light. Gale: Ohh, well she was quite the belle of the ball. Ohh. So, where did Jen go? Dawson: She and jack went to go take a walk. I guess the party got a little wild for them. Actually, we had a fight. Gale: About what? Dawson: I guess what it was about was, uh...moving on. Gale: Hmm. Which side were you on? Dawson: Apparently, I'm against it, but... the longer I sit here and look at lily, the less clear my reasons become. Gale: Sometimes there aren't even reasons, honey. Choosing a new direction in life isn't always something that requires a list. You just feel different. You don't even mean to, but if the choice comes down to moving on or trying to fit into the shell of your former self, well... I guess it depends on what you can live with. Dawson: I should go find Jen. Gale: Oh, you'll find each other. Nobody's going anywhere tonight anyway. Grams is passed out in the guest room. Dawson: Heh heh! Party animal. Gale: Ha ha ha! Ohh, you know, we forgot to open that. Dawson: It's from Joey. Gale: Yeah, it was really strange not having her here. Dawson: Yeah, I was just thinking that. Gale: Well... I think that I am going to clean up and, uh, call it a night. Dawson: Hey, mom? Gale: I know. I should've told you. But, honey, to be honest, I didn't know what to tell. Dawson: What I was gonna say was, uh, it was nice today meeting your friend. Gale: Hmm. Thank you. Well, good night, sweetheart. Dawson: Good night. [Gale leaves, and Dawson sits back down and grabs the present that Joey gave them, and he opens it. He finds a picture album inside, and opens it up to read Happy First Birthday Lily! May all your years be filled with Memories like these. Love Joey. He turns the page to see that the album is filled with drawings that Joey has done. The first is a drawing of the Pier outside Dawson's House. Next is a picture of Dawson holding Lily, a drawing of Mitch, a drawing of Mitch, Gale and Lily, and finally a drawing of the whole family together. Each of these drawings bring back happy memories to Dawson.] [Scene: The Drunk and the Dead Bar. Joey is still singing to the hostile crowd, and Audrey and Pacey look on sympathetically.] [Audience booing] Joey: Walk along the avenue... [Pacey looks at Audrey] Pacey: it's kind of like watching figure skaters fall. Joey: Meet a girl like you Audrey: I think it's almost over. Looks like Charlie's cutting it off, anyway. [Charlie walks over while playing, and says something to the other band members.] Joey: The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through hypnotize me through and I ran I ran so far away I just ran I ran all night and day I couldn't get away [Band begins playing I hate myself for loving you] Audrey: Whoo! Charlie: One for the road! Midnight, gettin' uptight where are you? You said you'd meet me, now it's quarter to two you know I'm hangin', but I'm still wantin' you Joey: Hey, jack it's a fact they're talking in town I turn my back and you're messin' around I'm not really jealous don't like lookin' like a clown I think of you every night and day you took my heart, then you took my pride away Both: I hate myself for loving you can't break free from the things that you do I wanna walk, but I run back to you that's why I hate myself for loving you Audrey: whoo! Whoo! [All cheering. Joey starts getting into it] Joey: Daylight, spent the night without you but I've been dreaming about the lovin' you do I won't be as angry about the hell you put me through hey, man, bet you can't treat me right you just don't know what you was missin' last night [Cheering increases] Joey: Say forget it just for spite I think of you every night and day you took my heart, then you took my pride away Both: I hate myself for loving you can't break free from the things that you do I wanna walk, but I run back to you that's why I hate myself for loving you Audrey: Whoo! Pacey: Yeah! [Band winds up song] [Cheering increases] [Scene: Outside the bar. The band is putting their equipment into the van, as Joey and Charlie are talking to some of the crowd outside. Audrey and Pacey just watch on.] Pacey: Oh, god, you'd think the guy was jimmy page. Audrey: Yeah, except it's the year 2002. Look, Pacey, what is up with the machismo, ok? I wasn't gonna say anything, but at this point, I'm thinking of going home with rusty over there. [She points to one of the bikers] Pacey: It's nothing. I just... he's just that guy. When you and Dawson were making that movie together, I had to watch him shove his tongue down your throat like 40 times while you and I were still working out this whole thing, ok? So when I see him, yeah, I want to punch him in the face, and, fine, if that makes me a bad guy, I guess I'm a bad guy, but when I see the two of you together, it drives me crazy, ok? And I wish that I could really impress you right now by saying something self-assured, but I can't, because I care, and that's just the best I can do, so do you think that we can leave now and just go get a burger or something, please? Audrey: No. That's pretty much the last thing I want to do right now. Pacey: Fine. I'm gonna go get the car. Audrey: Hey. I was thinking more along the lines of checking into that motel across the street. Pacey: Did I miss something? Audrey: I can't believe you want to... punch a guy in the face for me, Pacey. It's so... disturbingly cute. Pacey: Really? Audrey: Really. [They begins to kiss, when Joey and Charlie come up to them.] Pacey: Not to interrupt a good time, but, um, are you guys ready to go? Audrey: Yes, actually, there's... been a slight change in plans, Joey, because Pacey and I are really tired Pacey: [Yawns] Audrey: And don't you think that it would be a good idea if we stayed the night in that motel? Joey: Not really, no. Pacey: Well, you know, it's no Potter B&B, but wouldn't you just hate to miss out on any of the local charm? Charlie: Hey, sounds good to me, man, I'm--I'm wiped. Audrey: Well, would you look at that? The gentlemen agree on something. Joey: Shocking. [Joey looks unhappy as the camera fades to black] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside the Motel. Joey is sitting on one of the chairs out by the pool, when Charlie comes walking up to join her, carrying a room key.] Charlie: The poolside breeze is tempting this time of year. Joey: Exotic, really. Charlie: I got us a room. Joey: Let me guess. There were no single beds left. Charlie: No, no, I swear. Not a one. Are you nervous? Joey: About what happens after the prom? I think I'll be ok. Charlie: Did you and Pacey go to the prom together? Joey: We did indeed. Charlie: God, that must be strange. Having him in there with your roommate. Joey: That's the way we like to do things around here. I mean, aren't you the guy who met my friend Jen? Charlie: Ok, ok. No need to rehash. So, is-- is he the only guy you ever had s*x with? Joey: You know, that is so inappropriate on so many levels. Charlie: Look, I'm just trying to cut to the chase here. Why do we always have to banter? Why can't we just have a serious conversation? Joey: Why do we need to have a serious conversation? Charlie: We don't, I guess. Look, I just can't figure out why you wouldn't want to make a new friend. I mean, all the rest of your friends are sleepin' together. Joey: Ok. You got me. You're right. Yes, Pacey's the only one I've slept with. Charlie: I've only slept with 2 people. One in high school and then Jen. Joey: Really? I feel really close to you right now. Charlie: You should. I don't tell a lot of people that. Joey: What did you tell the girl that you were cheating on Jen with? That it didn't count? Charlie: Oh, right. Joey: It's kind of endearing, actually. Seeing the tired routine meet its end before my very eyes. Charlie: Heh heh. God, I can't believe how much you throw off my game, Joey Potter. Joey: Well, I try my best. Charlie: You know, I think I'm gonna call it a night. If you ever get cold or slightly curious, about the room, that is, it's number 7. [he places the key on the table next to her] Joey: Good night, Charlie. Charlie: See you later, Joey. You know, you were really great tonight. Joey: Thanks. You did kind of help me out. Charlie: Heh heh. No, you didn't need it. I just couldn't resist the urge. Joey: To what? Charlie: To be close to something that amazing. Joey: Good night. [Charlie leaves and walks around the corner of the building and runs into Pacey who is carrying a small paper bag.] Charlie: Excuse me. Pacey: We're ok. Charlie: Long day, huh? Pacey: Yeah. Charlie: Provisions for the lady? Pacey: Yeah, somethin' like that. Charlie: Those are 2 of the most high-maintenance women known to man, and somehow you managed to wrangle both of them. Pacey: "High-maintenance" is really just another way of saying "high-quality." Charlie: That's a nice way of looking at it. So then tell me something. Why are we suddenly starting to have a normal conversation? Pacey: I don't know, really. That was a nice thing that you did out there tonight, and maybe I just got tired of hating you so intensely, but make no mistake, if you do anything to hurt Joey, I will make you regret it for the rest of your waking days. Charlie: Yeah, I figured that. So you only kind of hate me now? Pacey: If I were you, I wouldn't take that so personally. It's not a short list. Charlie: [Laughs] Have a good night, man. Pacey: You, too. [Charlie walks off, and Pacey goes over by the pool to talk with Joey.] Pacey: You gonna stay out here all night? Joey: I was thinkin' about it. Pacey: If he tries anything unsavory, you know where to find me, right? Joey: I think I can handle him. Pacey: After watching you lull a biker bar into submission tonight, I'm pretty sure you could handle Charlie. In fact, I bet if you wanted to, you could break his heart into a million pieces. Joey: If I wanted to do such a thing. Pacey: Of course. Poor guy. Joey: Heh. [Scene: Inside Audrey and Pacey's Motel room. Audrey hops up onto the bed when Pacey comes into the room carrying the paper bag.] Audrey: Thank the sweet lord. What, did you have to manufacture your own shoddy condoms? Pacey: Heh. I love the way your mind works. But I never said that I was going out to get condoms. Audrey: Well, no. You said that you forgot something. And you said you never knew me to be unprepared, so Pacey: Perhaps I just went out because I wanted to extend to you a romantic gesture. [He pulls out a cupcake from the bag and a candle out of his pocket] Audrey: [Laughs] Aw. I didn't get you anything. [he lights the candle] What is this for again? Pacey: This is our first night together. No roommates, no back seats, no security guards. Just you and I. Audrey: Right. [Audrey blows out the candle] Pacey: Did you make a wish? Audrey: I did. Pacey: And did it have something to do with 4 walls and an Ikea catalog? Audrey: I always thought you were more of the restoration hardware type of guy. Pacey: I always knew you were a classy girl. Audrey: Mm. Well, it shows how much you know. [Scene: Outside the high school. Jen and Jack are sitting on the steps when Dawson comes up to them.] Dawson: How did I know I'd find the two of you guys here? Jack: Yeah, it's some kind of hybrid of "pathetic" and "predictable," I guess. Dawson: Heh heh heh. Jack: Ok, speaking of pathetic, I think that I'm going to go check out the, uh, football field. Run a few laps, rip out my shoulder. Catch you guys later. Jen: Bye. [Jack leaves] Dawson: So what happened today? Jen: I don't know. Dawson: Tell me anything. Jen: Ok. I got out of a cab 4 years ago, and-- and you were there, and you looked so open and innocent and happy, and I thought to myself you were the boy for me, and I kind of put-- I put everything, into that, and, you know, I don't doubt for a minute that you're the best guy I'll know, and I wish that, you know, you'd just marry me 'cause Dawson: Well, then why are you doing this, Jen? I mean, there's a reason that this worked out in the first place. There's a reason that we got together. Isn't there? Jen: Dawson, I don't think that this is just me. Dawson: It was right at the time. Jen: We needed each other. Dawson: So what just happened? Did we Jen: Yeah. Yeah, we did. [They sit together in silence, and Dawson pulls Jen over to him and she rests her head on him.] [Scene: Outside Joey and Charlie's motel room. Joey slowly pus the key in the door and opens it, and slowly enters the room. She takes her coat off, and then looks over to see that Charlie is already asleep in bed. She quietly goes over to the bed, and uncomfortably gets lies down on top of the covers. She looks over at him sleeping, and then smiles and rolls onto her side and goes to sleep.]

Charlie asks Joey to sing with his band at a distant club, which requires Pacey to drive them there. Pacey and Charlie hate each other, and it takes a patient Audrey to keep them from going at each other's throats. Joey is nervous and isn't well received by the audience, until Charlie helps her with a duet. Dawson, Jen, Jack and Grams drive to Capeside for Lily's first birthday, and Dawson is uncomfortable with his mother's friendship with a man. Jen confesses to Jack that she wants to break up with Dawson.

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ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room Ashleigh : OK. Bad news ... We're out of milk. I'd hug you right now but I'm afraid to get my hands too close to your mouth. Casey : Is it just me or do all my exboyfriend has some weird ZBZ finish? Ashleigh : It does appear to be a patern. Casey : First ... She breaks Evan and me, and now she is all frontaly kissing him in very public places, doing all what all the crap people done me before spring break. Ashleigh : Case. Casey : I know, I'm over Evan and I know I should be all Jennifer Aniston, and rise all above it but I just want to bite things. Ashleigh : Hey calm down, just let the "empty calories" work their way into your bloodstream. Frannie : Casey can we talk? Casey : I want to bite her. Please... just, just once in the jugular. Ashleigh : Try back later. Frannie : Casey please, just let me in. Casey : Let her in. Ashleigh : Fine. Sit. Casey : Ash. Ashleigh : Stay. I've a lot of nice things in here, I don't want blood on them. Frannie : Case, I know you must hate me. This all happened so fast. During spring break, Evan and I... Well, we made a connection ... I tried to tell you all week but with the chaos of Greek Week and the visit from Tegan, I couldn't find the right time. Ashleigh : I think she wants you to continue... Frannie : I don't know what else to say. Ashleigh : Try "I'm sorry." Frannie : I'm sorry you'd to find it that way But I hope we could move beyond this. Casey : I am not ready to move beyond this Franny. I need time to process... Frannie : Well, if we could just talk about it, then maybe ... Casey : Processing! Ashleigh : Yeh, her mouth is empty. You should probably go. Frannie : Right. Okay. Well I'll just check back in later then. Casey : I need a ding dong, stat. CRU - Dale & Rusty's room Rusty's alarm clock rings again, and again, and again, until that he stands up, gets dressed and walks way. CRU - Corridor of the dormitory Cappie : It's time to laundry drop off. Rusty : I can't talk. I'm already late for class. Cappie : Oh, your pants are already down there ? Rusty : Oh damn. Cappie : It's not your bear legs that just makes me chuckle but that happy girly attitude does not extend for my boxers. They need to be folded in quarters, not rolled. I need it delivered by 5 tomorrow. I'm in emergency on this right up... Rusty : My door is closed. Cappie : I bet the keys are in the pants? Rusty : What do I do now? Cappie : Get the RA to open your door. Rusty : My what? Cappie : Come here. It's RA's room. Rusty : He never comes out. Cappie : You're sure your an honor engineering? RA stands for... Regular Afordy ...? What is it? I swear my mind going out. I hope it's not from drinking. Resident Adviser. Thank you, God. I can keep boosing. Rusty : Where did he go? Cappie : I don't know. Tell you what? Your big brother wants you to borrow a pair of jeans. The stain in front is from toothpaste, I think ... Hey ho, calling Dr. Genius ... Rusty : There they are. Cappie : Take and make a class and suck a platz of smartiness. Rusty : I'm so late already, I'll probably just skip. Cappie : Wait you're serious? Rusty : Yeah. Credits ZBZ HOUSE - Living room Ashleigh : You are cordially invited to the ZBZ Crush Party. Where? Dobler's. When? Friday night, 8pm. Ok, ok, calm down. Don't scratch me! Those girls could turn "Crush Party" litteraly here. Casey : May I have an extra one? Ashleigh : Oh, you have two crushes? Casey : No, I want to give one to that crusty guy who is always scratching himself and tell him it's from Frannie. Ashleigh : Would that make you feel better? Casey : Only if he shows up and licks her face. These are great thought, you truly are a glue gun goddess. Ashleigh : Thanks. A skill that would come in handy since I'm going to grow old all alone with nothing to live for either than my love of scrapbooking. Casey : Come on, there's gonna be someone you're crushing on! Ashleigh : There is, but I do not know his address, or what school he goes to or his name. Casey : The Hot Ness monster? Ash, you met him once. Ashleigh : Once was enough. Casey : OK, prepare yourself for some tough love : You may never see him again. Ashleigh : You bitch. Casey : OK, it's cruel but true. Is that flip flap in there? Ashleigh : No. Casey : Really? Ashleigh : That is my bottle opener that I keep for emergencies. Casey : You sleep with that thing, and I think it is time that you stop. There are tons of guys out there who would kill to get a Crush Party invite from you. Frannie : Well said. Crush Parties are so exciting : anonymous invitations chances encounters. Are we speaking yet? Because there are some... Casey : Still processing. I have got to run to the career sonar. I'm late for my intro appointment. Ashleigh : It is a complicated process. EXT. CRU Rebecca : Crush Party. Friday night. Cappie : Isn't the whole point of Crush Parties that the invitation is anonimous? Rebecca : Who said it's from me? Cappie : I have a crush? I wonder who it is. Wait, are you going to be there? I'm just wondering because it could get awkward. Or you could join us, and it could get awsome. Rebecca : My dad has totally humiliated me. I admire Chelsea Clinton too. Cappie : Me too. Now that she grunder her face, she is foxy. Rebecca : I wish this would all go away. What would you do if you were me? Cappie : I'd propably distract myself with other pressing issue like what you would be wearing to set crush party? Heels or flat? Rebecca : A bag over my head? Cappie : Like an actual bag or ... Rebecca : This story is on the cover of USA Today for the third day in a row. Cappie : Do they still have Garfield? He is a cat that likes lasagna. Rebecca : Will you be serious for a moment? The most personal aspects of my life are painfully public. Cappie : Worked for Paris Hilton. Rebecca : We'll not be making a sextape, Cap. I've been the star of enough wild videos, thank you very much. Cappie : I'm not talking about a sextape, though we could talk about that whenever you're ready. I'm talking about fame. You are already famous, Rebecca. Your father took care of that for you. The question is: are you going to taste the perks of that fame? CRU - Counseling Center Guy : This is the place where they're handing out jobs, right? Casey : I sure hope so. Guy : I thinking puppeteer honestly. Or dolphins trainer. Maybe rollercoaster tester. Casey : I'll be happy with international pop-star. Guy : I'm Drew Collins Casey : Casey Cartwright. Drew : Casey Cartwright. That'd look great on a business card. Casey : I don't think international pop-star carries them. Drew : So Casey Cartwright, I have a favor to ask you. Casey : Ask away. Drew : Please save me from having to read about the pregnant man but telling me your life story. Casey : You want to know how he got pregnant? Drew : No, no, not at all. Casey : Where to begin? CRU - Engineering progam corridor Dale : Nerd word on the street is that you skipped your polymer seminar today. Rusty : I over slept. That happens. Dale : Then maybe the cons in middle torture inflicted on you by your fraternity brothers, has finally taken its toll. Rusty : No, I'm not tired of pledging, I'm bored with class. All we do is read and regurgitate. Read and regurgitate. You know? Dale : I bet your regurgitate of this RA didn't show up soon. Rusty : Yeah, well maybe it wants to make a dramatic entrance, to assert its authority. Dale : He's gonna find out pretty quick that there's certain habits that nobody's gonna change in me. Rusty : Such as? Dale : Such as ... occasionally not wearing underwears. You're not the only one taking a walk on the wild side in college, my friend. You know what, I think that this all meet the RA thing is a scam. It's the senior kicking of senior's dockades cause it's the exact right time of the year. Rusty : What's the senior's dockades? Dale : Are you sure that you're even in the honor engineering program? Because everybody knows what the senior's dockades are. Rusty : Just enlight me. Dale : Okay. The senior barricade their rooms and the interclassmen try to break in. Rusty : And we do this because ... Dale : We do this because it's an awesome tradition passed down throught the generations by our engineering forefathers. Rusty : Fun. Dale : The seniors also usually leave prizes behind for those who get in. Like last year, I heard this one guy got the box "Star Trek: The Next Generation." So this better not be a wet blanket. Man : I'm Max, and my intention is not to be a wet blanket. I prefer to be a dry blanket. What ever that means. Or, I don't know, I was gonna say... Never mind . I assume you all sort of know the drill. I'm your new residential advisor. Yeah, I'm here in the unfortunate even, you know, lose your keys, miss your parents. Which I hope, by now, you all kind of come to terms with. Or in case you try to kill each other, or yourselves, which, you know, for what it's forth, I hope you wouldn't do either. But I don't really know any of you. I'm here. Rusty : He didn't set much authority. Dale : That's because he knows that nobody can make me wear underwear. KT HOUSE - Living room Heath : Almost. Cappie : What are you guys doing? Rusty : Invented this game called "Kappa Tau Tower". We've been playing for 4 hours. Heath : Your breath is making it move. Looks like somebody is digging the old hair ball of my draining. Damn it! Evil these things. Rusty : I finished your laundry. Cappie : You ironed my jeans? Rusty : Yeah, don't you do that? Cappie : What has gotten into you, Spitter? Rusty : What do you mean? Cappie : You're skipping classes, you're avoiding schoolwork. It's like you're a real life boy. Rusty : I'm taking this honour seminar polymers and it has become non stop drudge work. I'm having a really hard time staying motivated. Cappie : And the problem is ...? Rusty : It is not like me. Never mind. You wouldn't understand. Cappie : Why not? Rusty : Because it is a serious problem. Cappie : Spitz, stop right there. This week, I'm learning how to be sympathetic to other people's serious problems. So give me the scoop. Rusty : When I was 11 years old and I got my first allowance, I went out and bought Sully Putty. Cappie : I think I bought p0rn, but go on. Rusty : This was the coolest toy ever. You could balance it like a ball, stretch it like clay, throw it up on the wall like a "Water-Gum" You could press it in the comics and the paper in order to transfer the images. Cappie : Like Garfield, right? I love him. Rusty : It was this amazing material, and people made it. I know sounds strange, but I had to know how. So I was went to the library and I found this book about inorganic polymers and this all world just opened up. Kevlar, nylon, Post-it notes, duck tape. The world is filled with man made miracles. And I couldn't wait to get to college ... Cappie : Boredom. Spitter. Life's too short man. Did you ever think that maybe you are in the wrong major. There you go, serious problem solved. See I'm good at this. EXT. CRU Casey : OK, let's review the plan. Ashleigh : Yes, he comes out of class, I hand him the invite. It's not that difficult. Casey : I know, I know, but its all about you present it to him. You can't just show it at him. You have to present it with some fan effects. Ashleigh : Wow, you're crushing hard. I can tell because you are obsessing over the weirdess things. Casey : I believe that's the case of the flip flop calling sandal black. Ashleigh : Touch . So you're sure he'll be here? Casey : He orgasms on his history class. I know because we bonded over the way she says Matisse. You think this is so funny too. Ashleigh : OK Tom, just point out your KT. Casey : There he is. Ashleigh : Hot Ness monster. A few minutes later... Ashleigh : I can believe he goes to school here. Casey : I don't understand how this can happen. We never liked the same guy before. Ashleigh : You pit on Clooney! Casey : We are on untreat territory. You know what? You should take him. After all, you've been obsessed with him longer. Ashleigh : OK. Casey : Really? Because ... Ashleigh : Maybe we could share him. I'll take the top half and ... Wait. Let me think that through. Both : Wow... Casey : It's not just us inviting him you know. Ashleigh : Someone else is inviting him? Is it Laura? Oh that little slut. Casey : No. I mean, he should get some saying too, right? Ashleigh : I guess so. Casey : So we give him an invitation, he comes to the party, we see who he clicks with the most and, the other respectfully bass out. Ashleigh : Well, that sounds so mature of us. Casey : I know, right. Ashleigh : I like mature us. So how do we get the invite to him and both remain anonymous? Casey : Hey ! How is going? Guy : Uh, good. Ashleigh : We have a favour. Take this crush invite. Guy : A ZBZ invite? I've always dreamt of getting one of these. Ashleigh : And just give it to that guy over there. Casey : Yeah, but don't tell him it's from us. Guy : Genetic freak. [SCENE_BREAK] Rebecca : This just knows wrong. Cappie : Honey, when life gives you lemons, make lemon drops. Rebecca : Let's go to Dobler's and sit in the back and talk. Cappie : Why talk when you can do? Now lets mess up your hair, and don't forget to be out of breath, and busted. [SCENE_BREAK] Cappie : Mister ... Kwon. You're looking at a pair of students who have been hunted across campus. Our predators? Photographers. She can not walk all the way to and from her classes. She needs one of those platinum faculty parking passes. Mr Kwon : The most covered parking pass on campus? Cappie : Can you think of anyone more deserving or vulnerable right now than Miss Rebecca Logan? Mr Kwon : Paparazzi, uh? Cappie : They are vicious. Just ask Amy Winehouse. Rebecca : Help me, Toby Kwon, you're my only hope. Mr Kwon : Okay, but you didn't get this from me. Cappie : Let's capture this moment, shall we. Lemon drops, Miss Logan. There it is. CRU - Max's door room Rusty : I think I need some advice from an upper class man in honour engineering program. In my polymer seminar, I'm just having a very difficult time staying focused and motivated. Max : OK, so you're bored. Rusty : Which I've never been before in science. Max : Is it too hard for you? Rusty : Not really. Max : That's pretty arrogant. Rusty : I didn't mean it that way. Max : It sounded that way. Rusty : Look, have you ever questioned whether or not you should be an engineer? Max : No. But if you are bored, maybe it's best that you leave the program. Rusty : Really? Wouldn't that be a fairly complicated process? I mean getting in to honour engineering is pretty complicated. Max : No, you just fill out a form. Rusty : That my parents need to sign? Max : No. Rusty : That my adviser needs to sign? Max : No. Rusty : So that's it? It's that easy to drop out of honour engineering. My life long dream of being a polymer scientist can end, with filling out one form. ZBZ HOUSE - Bathroom Casey : This is so exciting, it's like we're bachelor and we made it to final ceremony. Ashleigh : Yeah, only we're not skinky thirty something who's trying to sabotage eachother. Casey : Yeah mature us! Have you seen my lucky lip gloss? Are you wearing heels? Ashleigh : Of course why? Casey : It's just that it gives you an unfair height advantage. You'll get more eye contact. Ashleigh : I'll tell you what, I'll wear flats if you take out your chicken cotelets. Casey : I don't know what you are talking about? Oh, those? Ashleigh : I bet these get more eye contacts than my heels. Casey : You're being ridiculous. Ashleigh : I'm being ridiculous? Maybe it's you who's being ridiculous. Frannie : Sorry, I'm interrupting something? Ashleigh : No, I was... I was just telling Casey how much I wished I had her eyes. They're beautiful. Casey : Well, I wish I had your smile. Your teeth are like snow-capped mountains. Frannie : We're gonna have so much fun, I can wait to see... Casey : Still processing. DOBLERS Casey : Choosing is a tough decision because we are both beautiful. Ashleigh : Inside and out. Casey : And if there's anyone I'd rather be rejected for, it's you. Ashleigh : Dido. Now when is he getting here? Drew : Hey. Ashleigh : I'm Ashley, from spring break. Drew : Right. What a coincidence. And Casey Cartwright too. Casey : In the flesh. Drew : And I suppose one of you sent me this invite. Casey : Maybe! Ashleigh : I did! CRU - Dale & Rusty's room Dale : Someone left you a form outside. What is it? Rusty : Nothing. Dale : Did you enter some kind of contest, academic or worst thing either I should know about? Request for withdraw? You're droping out of polymer science? Rusty : I'm just thinking about it. Dale : No Rusty, you can't do this. Rusty : I said I'm just thinking about it. Dale : Trust me, you can't do this, this would be a huge mistake. Rusty : Finally. Thank you. Dale : Because than I'd have to get a new roommate, and I'm not spending the last two months of my freshman year with some fanatical nutjob. Rusty : Yes, that'd be horrible. Why would they make me move anyway? Dale : Because this is the honours engineering hall, not the average engineering hall. Who is this RA guy? Let's go see who protocols this, come on. CRU - Corridor of the dormitory Rusty : This isn't a done deal, it is just that... I've been questioning whether or not... Dale : Hold on. Wait, wait, where did this door go? Guy : The seniors dockades! Dale : We have to go in there. Rusty : I don't know Dale I'm kind of having a late crisis. Dale : We need to be wearing protective eyewear. Rusty : I'm in. A few minutes later... Dale : So why would you want to drop out of polymer science? Rusty : It's not just as exciting as I thought it would be. Brenching out, joining a fraternity, that's been awesome. Maybe I need to explore academicly as well. Dale : You should join me in electrical engineering. It rocks. Or as I like to say, it shocks. Rusty : Let's get this out. Dale : This guy is good, who would have guessed I mean he incased the whole room in plastic. Rusty : This isn't just any plastic, this is a poly-methyl methyculate. Dale : No, I know that I just... I didn't want you to feel stupid if you didn't know. Rusty : You know what this means? Dale : Let's here who's Johnny. Rusty : Wait! This is solid shatter proof glass. The ax would bounce right off of it. Dale : What do we do now, then? Rusty : Chloroform would dissolve it. Dale : Oh, you know, I used my last bottle of chloroform when I was on murdercy road. Rusty : We could try acetone. Dale : I got some nill posh for ever. I explain but that is all and long involving story, and we don't have time right now. DOBLERS Frannie : Hi Casey! Casey : Still processing. Evan : She seems touchee. Frannie : Well you got your wish. Casey's freaking out. Evan : And you have a problem with that because? Frannie : Because it's a situation I have to manage. Evan : Yeah but why do you care? I mean were you and Casey ever really that close? Frannie : We were. But she has always been closer to Ashleigh. Her giant siamese twin. Evan : Someone's jealous. Frannie : I'm not jealous. Their birds of a feather easily distracted from the big picture. They are also very liked in the house which means if they make me a pariah again I'm... Evan : What is she gonna tell them? Frannie is dating my ex-boyfriend? You know it already happened with Rebecca. If anything, that's just gonna make her look like a... jealous lunitate. Frannie : You are so damn sexy. [SCENE_BREAK] Drew : And that's how I got this scar. Ashleigh : That is the most fascinationg story I ever heard. Let me see. Drew : I know it sounds stupid, but it's the first time I realized my own mortality. And I even kept the glasses as a reminder. Ashleigh : That is so sweet. Casey : Ashleigh likes to keep little momentoes too, don't you? Ashleigh : I keep things that means something to me. Objects, not ex-boyfriends. Drew : So you guys are best friends, right? Casey : And roommates. Since all four years. It's been so long I don't even notice her snoring anymore. Ashleigh : Yeah, we've seen each other throught good times and bad. Like that time you hooked up with that 16 year-old. Too funny! Casey : Or that time that you through yourself at the gay guy. My Gosh. Hilarious. Ashleigh : But enough about us. We want to hear more about you. Casey : Like do you have any pets? Drew : I have a dog at home, named Shadow ... Casey : Ash is terribly allergic! Casey : Do you like icecream? Cause Casey is crazy lactose intolerance. Casey : Ash hate Will Ferrell movies. Casey : Casey loves Mariah Carey. Drew : I've got to go to the bathroom. [SCENE_BREAK] CRU - Corridor of the dormitory Rusty : Things gotten softer. Dale : Yeah but not enough to matter. Rusty : We could try irradiating it. Can we get a hold on the laser? Dale : There is one upon the ship, Captain Kirk. Dale's cellphone rings... Dale : Samir Elizabeth use dynamite to blow up some senior door over in Daphne hall. Do you want to go? Rusty : No, we've come so far. Dale : All right Rusty, listen I'm getting in the dorm room tonight. It's dynamite, it's literally gonna be a blast. Rusty : No, you go ahead. Heat. DOBLERS Betsy : Hey guys! Ashleigh : Hey, Betsy! Betsy : I wanted to let you know that I'm commited to living sober and my 12-step plan for a success. Casey : That's great. Betsy : One step in my plan is making amends. So I wanted to apologize. I know that my drinking cause problems for both of you. And when I think that my crazy behavior kept either of you from having a potential relationship with a boy that could have been awesome. Well it makes me feel like... Ashleigh : Incredibly selfish? Betsy : Yes. Casey : Like you've been a huge flirty butt face? Betsy : Yes. Ashleigh : Like you stood in the way of two soulmates who were meant to be together. Betsy : OK wow, I get it, all right! I messed up! It's gonna be a lot harder than I thought. I have to go call my sponsor. Casey : OK, I have a solution to stop all this. Ashleigh : Me too. You leave. Casey : Or we each get 15 minutes with him, alone. After that, he has to choose. Ashleigh : Works for me. I'm much better one on one anyway. I'll go first! Casey : So you can tell him about my waxing regiment? I don't think so. I'm first. Ashleigh : So you can tell him I'm afraid of little people? Pretty sneaky, sis! Casey : Fine, we flip a coin. Both : Heads! CRU - Corridor of the dormitory Dale : You're still at it? Rusty : It's thermal plastic so it should respond to heat. How do you do? Dale : Let's just say it's a mere exaggerate quite a bid: his dynamite was 3 cherry bombs. Wouldn't have blown out my little sister's doll house. but I could get away with this close hanger. I mean it could have been easier. So I can sleep victorious. Rusty : What was the reward? Dale : Oh, the dude left his batteries. Rusty : Heat is just too diffuse. Dale : You better find a way to focus it in a hurry, you've got 30 minutes. Rusty : What do you mean? Dale : The senior dockades end at midnight. Maybe this will help you. DOBLERS Rebecca : One digital card. Cappie : Check. Rebecca : 2 diner passes to restaurant. Cappie : Check. Kobe beef with first gelato who knew? Rebecca : I have to admit Cappie. You've proven the scandals do have an up side. This must be how it feels to be Heidi and Spencer. What do girls have to do here around to get a Lemon Drop? Girl : Turn 21 years? Cappie : I am working on that. [SCENE_BREAK] Drew : So where is Casey ? Ashleigh : She'll be back in 14 and a half minutes. Can you believe that we are seating here together! I mean, first we meet at spring break. And then we both end up going to the same school! It has to be fate. Drew : Totally, spring break was awesome. Ashleigh : The awesomest. Drew : So was your volleyball spike. Are you on a team here? Ashleigh : No, I don't play volleyball. I wear too much jewelry. Drew : Isn't that how we met? Ashleigh : No, we met at a party. At the Hot House. You tripped me with your giant foot. Drew : That party was insane! In fact, weren't you wearing a lifejacket! Ashleigh : No, I was actually wearing an adorable green tunic, with flower bouquet. Chuncky. A "Peace" necklace. A pink hat. Drew : The whole week is a fuzzy blair. In fact, I lost one of my favourite flip flap. Ashleigh : I gonna go get another drink. Drew : I can grab you one. Ashleigh : No, you just stay put. [SCENE_BREAK] Ashleigh : He's all yours. Casey : But you still have 13 minutes. Ashleigh : He is so not my type. I don't know what I was thinking? Temporary insanity, I guess. Casey : But he is your Hot Ness monster. Ashleigh : Correction: was ... Now it's your fun new guy. Yeah, fun new guy. Casey : Are you sure? Ashleigh : Yeah, go. Oh wait. I found your lucky lip gloss, some how it ended up in my purse. CRU - Corridor of the dormitory Rusty : Right on time. Surrounded to Spitter. It is locked. It's over. You've been in there this whole time? Max : Yeah and I will use the torch, so you may well stand back. EXT. ZBZ HOUSE - Front door Casey : So what did you think of your first Crush Party? Drew : It's heavy. Crush, heavy. Casey : Got it. I'm sorry about all the weirdness. Drew : You're just worried about Ashley, it's fine. Casey : Yeah. Drew : She is an amazing girl, great personality, unique fashion sens, beautiful body. She is gonna make some guy crazy happy. Maybe they'll even get married on a reality show. Casey : They could invite the pregnant man. Drew : They could, yes. Thought, by then he'd probably wouldn't be pregnant. The point is that she'll be fine. Casey : You should add "cheering people up" to your r sum , under special skills. Drew : I should. Right below "kissing." Drew and Casey are kissing... Casey : You're hired. Frannie opens the door kissing Evan... Frannie : Good night. Evan : Casey. Drew : What should we do now? CRU - Corridor of the dormitory Max : You're still here? Rusty : Where is your key hole? Max : I changed the door. Rusty : That can't be fair. Max : Senior dockades has no rules so. Ipso facto, there is no fair. Rusty : Well, then I guess you've won. Max : Come inside. Rusty : What is this? Max : The suicide prevention hotline. They are open 24 hours. Rusty : I'm not suicidal. Max : Good, I've heard it's tons of paperwork. Rusty : I'm just looking for a reason to be a polymer scientist. Do they have a hotline for that? Max : Well, my reason is kevlar, you can borrow it if you want. Rusty : You're in polymers? Max : First time I knew it, I was in my dad tire shop where I worked on the weekends, I was trying to tear appart this thread of kevlar from a busted tire which, of course, you can't because it's indestructible. I actually cut my hand up pretty badly. And it dondon me that some guy just created this, it was a guy and a girl actually, Stephanie Kwolec and ... Robert whatever, sorry. My point is someone thought to take the tiniest of particules to create something far superior to anything that is naturally forming. Rusty : Like Sully Putty. Max : Incredible stuff, huh? Consider it your reward for almost getting in. I'm impressed you didn't give up. Rusty : I guess I can't walk away from a puzzle. Max : Which is why you are a scientist. And that's why you're a polymer scientist. Time to go. Rusty : No way. You work for NASA. So you must be a genius. Max : I guess so. DOBLERS Cappie : Alright, it's a mixed bag. Steve Dobbler won't budge a whole serving alcohol to minors thing. But if you don this shirt every Thursday he'll compense nachos for the rest of the year. Free nachos. Lipped in salt, grease, covered in sour cream ... Lord I'm hungry! Rebecca : Cap. Cappie : Look, I'll give you some more stuff, I'm... Rebecca : Cap, my parents just called. They're getting a divorce. Cappie : I'm sorry. I bet going back savage will cheer you up. Give me a straw, and I'll drink apple juice through my nose. Rebecca : That's it? Cappie : I can also burp the Star-Spangled Banner. You want me to go with you? Rebecca : I don't think Lemon Drops can fix this, Cap. ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh's room Casey : Up freeing some feelings? Ashleigh : What happened with Hot Ness? I mean, Drew. Casey : Let's just say I'm not Frannie. Ashleigh : He's into Frannie now? He needs to seriously make up his mind. Casey : He was walking me home when I saw Frannie kissing her new boyfriend. And it dondoned me. What got me so ticked off about Frannie is not she's with Evan, it's that she chose the possibility of a relationship with a guy over our friendship, and I was in the process of doing the same thing to you with Drew. Ashleigh : No, Case. Really. It's fine. Drew is a great guy and he's totally into you, not me. He didn't even remember me. Casey : What? That's impossible. You're unforgettable. Ashleigh : Apparently not. Casey : Well you are to me. And there is no guy on earth, dreamy enough to come between us. Come here. Except maybe Christian Bale. Ashleigh : Or Johnny Depp. Casey : Johnny Depp. For you totally. Totally for you. ZBZ HOUSE - Kitchen Casey : May I have some? Frannie : Of course. Casey : Sometimes, you just have to wake up and smell the coffee, you know. Frannie : You're smilling. May take it as you're done processing? Casey : It's been processed, packaged and put on a shelf. Frannie : So we're friends again? Casey : Absolutely not. Frannie : What does that mean? Casey : Evan cheated on me, and lied to me and tried to manipulate me, Frannie. By dating him, you're basically saying that's OK. You're choosing him over me. Frannie : I don't see it that way, Case. Casey : I don't care, Fran. Frannie : What happens now? What happens to big sis, little sis? Casey : We're sisters forever, Frannie. We're just no longer friends. CRU - Dale & Rusty's room Rusty's alarm clock is ringing. He's already gets dressed and goes back to class...

Rusty grows bored with his polymer science major and looks to his new RA, Max, for some advice. Meanwhile, Frannie and Evan's relationship is now public, and Frannie hopes that she and Casey can still be friends. Senator Logan's scandal makes Rebecca an outcast, and Cappie tries to cheer her up by using her notoriety to get her free stuff.

fd_Salem_02x04

fd_Salem_02x04_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Mary: Witches! Kill them all! Mercy: [Screams] Mercy: [Hoarsely] Father... your baby's home. Dollie: I would do anything for you. Mercy: You'll be the means of my vengeance. Mary: Hathorne wonders if you really came to town to cure the plague. Wainwright: I seek the seat of the soul. Mary: And where is it? Wainwright: I believe it's right about here. I'll try and be gentle. Mary: Don't bother. Von Marburg: The last of the true witches. Anne: I know nothing of the witches. I didn't even know I was one. Von Marburg: We will meet again, little owl. Petrus: I sense them, your tools of power. A witch dagger to kill, a moon stone to see, and a medicine bag to be unseen. Be careful with that one. Mary: The role of magistrate cannot fall to an un-sympathetic foe. It must be a witch. Tituba: Corwin is nowhere to be found. Whoever is out there, they are targeting us. Mary: [Breathing heavily] In my own home. My own bathtub. How is it possible? Tituba: Someone wants to kill you. First Corwin, now you. Mary: No. No, I was helpless in its horrid grip, like a mouse would be in mine. No, if it wanted me dead, I would be dead. Tituba: What, then? A warning? Mary: Who in the hive has the power to challenge me? Tituba: No one. Whether you know it or not, I have never done anything that was not in your best true interests. Yet your anger and mistrust prevents you from heeding my warnings. Mary: [Sighs] Oh, warnings. Tituba: I told you long ago to eliminate mercy. But you let her live long enough to do us real and permanent damage. Now, I tell you again. Do not ignore the very real danger that Anne Hale poses. Mary: I have no fear of her. Tituba: By the time you do, it will be too late. She has returned from Boston. And her power comes on fast... faster even than yours did. It is wiser to drown her now while still a kitten. Do not wait to face the full force of her claws. Mary: We can do nothing until we know who it is who seeks to attack us. I will deal with Anne Hale. Go to Petrus. His many eyes must have seen something. [Knife clatters] ["Cupid Carries a Gun" plays] Pound me the witch drums witch drums pound me the witch drums pound me the witch drums the witch drums better pray for hell not hallelujah Collector: Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Man: Excuse me! I have one in here, but I'm too weak to lift him. Please help. Collector: All right. Back away from the door. [Flies buzzing] Selectman Corwin? [Grunts] Alden: Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Hathorne: ... Very heart of our Puritan America... to judge our own cases. The Reverend Cotton Mather returneth. Like a dog to its vomit. Cotton: Appalling. How can you keep prisoners in such conditions? Hathorne: Well, perhaps you'd care to donate some of your father's estate to help pay for the cost of building larger and more sanitary holding cells for accused witches. What are you doing here anyway? I'd heard you'd been admonished not to interfere any further with Salem's affairs. Cotton: Salem's affairs are every man's affairs. But in fact, I come as a family friend to offer solace and spiritual advice to Anne Hale. Hathorne: [Chuckles] Well, truly, sir, if you had any concern for her well-being, surely the kindest thing you could do would be to stay miles away from her. I'm sure her father would... Cotton: Her father would be appalled at how you fill his shoes as magistrate. Hathorne: I am magistrate now, and I will deal with prisoners as I see fit. Really, Mather. You're not needed here. Salem is almost as sick of witch hunters as it is of witches. Anne: How dare you summon me like an errant child? Mary: Such a big menace for just a small girl. Anne: I am neither menace nor a girl. Mary: No? There was an incident last night outside one of the checkpoints into Salem. One man killed, another man frightened witless. Anne: I intended none of that. It just happened. Mary: You are like a keg of gunpowder ready to explode. I'm afraid I've made my decision. I simply cannot allow you to live on like this in Salem. [Door closes] [Pounding on door] Anne: No. You let me out. You cannot... Mary: I can. Child, I could kill you 100 ways. I will not lie. Others have urged me to do just that. And I am fully prepared to cut your candle short. Anne: What do you want? Mary: Merely to help you be you. I know you find it hard to believe, but I hold no malice against you. Anne: And yet you would kill me 100 ways. Mary: As I would a savage untrained dog. But first, I might try to train it. And if that dog would accept the muzzle, then I might find that it no longer posed a threat to every innocent that passed by, may even become a... trusted companion. Anne: Death or submission. Mary: Or alliance. Anne: How do I begin? Mary: There is no magic without... arousal. Just relax. Close your eyes. Shh. Now imagine someone. A man, perhaps. You may know him. His breath in your ear. His hands on you. His lips on your neck. Anne: [Gasps] Mary: Come. I have something for you. Your book of shadows. Some books are made to be read, others to be written. Every one of us must keep one... a private grimoire of all our thoughts and dreams, our magic and experiments, all our deeds, dark and light. If it be worked properly, no one but she who inscribes it will be able to read what it contains, at least not while the author still lives. Anne: And after they are gone? Mary: After the death of a witch, the book finds its way to the Samhain. This ensures the survival of the discovery of witches so that the old ways are not lost. Some of these go back hundreds of years to some of the earliest Essex witches. In fact... I have your father's book. That's how I knew he was dead. The book appeared that morning. Now go home and inscribe your book. You may write with ink, but first you must sign it with blood. Anne: What? Mary: Yes. The deep magic, the strong and permanent kind, always requires a little blood. Your blood signature guards it from all eyes but yours. Anne: Ow. Mary: See? It's that easy. Do that at home, and with it write, "Anne Hale," and "this is my book of shadows." When you do, your familiar will come. Anne: My familiar? Mary: You'll know it when you see it. I will come for you tonight at the witching hour and we shall complete your initiation. [Indistinct chatter] Cotton: May I ask what you are doing? Wainwright: [Sighs] If you're capable of understanding the answer, yes. If not, I would advise watching in silence. Cotton: I read at Harvard, sir. Wainwright: Theology, no doubt. What an extraordinarily useless and twisted branch of the tree of knowledge. [Sighs] Please forgive me. I can't seem to open my mouth today without insulting someone. Blame this infernal pox. It's got my mind twisted in frustration. Wainwright: Wainwright. Cotton: Just the man I was hoping to meet... the new doctor. I've come from Boston precisely with the pox weighing heavily on my mind. I intend to help stop it if it's not too late. Wainwright: And you are... ? Cotton: Cotton Mather. Wainwright: Oh. You sent correspondence to the Royal Society. Cotton: Why, yes. Are you a member? Wainwright: An associate, and I distinctly recall one of your missives read aloud at our last meeting. You sent a sketch of a... um, a... a misshapen stillborn fetus. Apparently a grand sign of the devil's immanent arrival. Cotton: Yes, it was truly remarkable. It... Wainwright: It caused no small mirth. I seem to remember Sir Isaac... Cotton: Isaac? Sir Isaac Newton? He was there? Wainwright: There? He popped several buttons on his waistcoat he laughed so hard. [Chuckles] You did intend it to be funny, didn't you? Cotton: I was there, sir. You were not. Wainwright: Well... Take a look at this. Cotton: What is it? Wainwright: A heretofore unidentified bile taken from the poor souls of Salem afflicted by this pox. And I've never seen a pox like this. Cotton: But you've never seen a witch pox. Wainwright: No one has as there is no such creature as a witch, let alone a disease caused by one. Cotton: Well, perhaps when all rational explanation is exhausted, only the impossible remains. Wainwright: You're all right, Mather, for a damn Harvard man. Cotton: [Chuckles] Wainwright: By a stroke of luck, I believe I have located the original carrier of the pox. Cotton: The very first afflicted? Wainwright: I believe so. His name is Isaac... Isaac the Fornicator. He was branded by the benighted bigots of this little town. Cotton: Isaac? I know him well. Thank Christ he still lives. Wainwright: Better thank me. I'm the one who found him. Where is Isaac? Where's my patient?! Young lady, where is he? Dollie: Poor Isaac was sleeping last night when I left. Wainwright: The boy could barely move. He didn't just wander off. It's crucial we find this man. Dollie: I don't know what happened. Woman: [Coughs] Wainwright: Mm. He may have been snatched or at least not in his right mind. When I found the boy, he was in possession of more gold than he could have earned in a dozen lifetimes. And yet he left it here. Cotton: The Malum. Wainwright: Well, that, too, I found near Isaac. What, you recognize this curiosity, Mather? Cotton: Yes. It's a legendary magical object used by witches to complete their grand rite and loose death upon the world. You say Isaac was very... very possibly the first to be afflicted by the pox. He had upon him a bag of gold and this... the very weapon of the witches. Could Isaac have been hired by witches to start this plague? Wainwright: [Laughs] I can't begin to discern the sense from the nonsense you talk, and I do regret losing Isaac, but fortunately, I drew enough blood from him to continue my work with inoculation. That way lies the cure. Isaac: [Gasps] Wh... where am I? Mercy: [Wheezing] Isaac: Mercy? Oh, uh, Lord, I'm sor... Mercy: Don't look at me! Isaac: [Whimpers] Mercy: [Inhales sharply] Be not sorry. I'm not. And now you, her Isaac, shall be my Isaac... my offering in turn to that goddess of bitches, Mary Sibley. [Door opens] Dollie: Isaac's disappearance has raised an alarm. They're searching for him even now. Cotton Mather seeks him. Mercy: Well, then, Dollie, my doll, you had best make sure they do not find him. Isaac: Why do you hate Mary Sibley so? What has she ever done to you? Mercy: Oh, dear Isaac. You have no idea, do you? She, not I, is the real monster. Dollie: I'm sorry. [SCENE_BREAK] [Knife scraping] Man: Get that stinking pile out of here. Hey! [Keys jangling] Man #2: Please, sir. Please. Mary: Don't think me ungrateful, Reverend Mather, but how come you to be here? You saved my life, but I begged you to never return to Salem again. It is far too dangerous. Cotton: I did fear I made a mistake returning here to the scene of all my crimes. But now I know this is where I am meant to be. Mary: And that is? Cotton: The Malum, the cause of the plague that decimates Salem even now. And proof I was right. If only my father had listened to me. If he believed me, we might have stopped the grand rite and he might yet live. Mary: And this... thing shows you your purpose here how? Cotton: It reminds me that I am here to undo all my father's errors. He was wrong about everything... wrong about the Malum being a figment of my imagination, wrong about you being a witch... and wrong about John Alden. They think John Alden killed my father. Mary: Perhaps it's for the best. They can never know the truth, and John is beyond their reach now. Cotton: Beyond the sea? Mary: Beyond all seas. Gone. Cotton: Dead? [Sighs] I am sorry for that. I entertained a hope that someday I might tell him how sorry I was. Now he'll never know. Mary: We all have such thoughts. Can I tell you something I've never spoken out loud before? He was the only man I ever loved. And the saddest part is he died not knowing it. [Indistinct shouting] Hathorne: Ah, Mrs. Sibley, not a sight for delicate eyes. Mary: My eyes are many things, magistrate, but delicate is not one of them. Wainwright: He bled to death, but not, I suspect, before enjoying some torture. His tongue, it seems, was cut out and a message left. Hathorne: "Liars?" What does that mean? Mary: I'll tell you what it means, Mr. Hathorne. You have won your place in history, that's for sure. Hathorne: Madame, I... Mary: The worst jail break in the history of this colony. In broad daylight, a selectman brutally murdered, his abused corpse left as a calling card, all on your very first day at the job. Hathorne: The man responsible will be found. Mary: Sadly, the man responsible stands before me. And we might wonder upon the strange coincidence that the very man whose absence led to your appointment as magistrate hangs dead before us. Hathorne: You can't possibly suggest that I... Mary: I suggest nothing, but that you are a spectacular failure as guardian of the law and not fit to lead a beggars' parade, let alone Salem. Tituba: Petrus is dead. Mary: What?! Tituba: Murdered. It appears our witch killer has struck again. Mary: His eyes? Tituba: Gone. Mary: No matter. They have attacked me in my own home, murdered one of our own, but they made a fatal error leaving behind their victim's fresh body. Now we have them. Corwin's hand will point straight to the witch killer. Anne: Anne Hale. This is my book of shadows. [Mouse squeaks] [Chuckles] What an adorable little brown thing you are. Come here. Oh, don't eat me. Mr. Jenkins, I will call you. Brown Jenkins. Three innocent people are dead because of me, including my own mother and father, so this is my promise to you, book, and to you, little Brown Jenkins, and to myself... I will master this power inside me, but I will use it for the common good. I will do no harm. Mary: Do you seek to make the dead speak like a necromancer? Wainwright: Someday, science will make the dead reveal all their secrets. For now, I am merely lifting the edge of the curtain. Come. I'll give you a peek of what I've found, if you're not afraid. Mary: [Chuckles] Wainwright: You feel this? The ridges on the stump of the tongue. Mary: Yes. Wainwright: I was wrong. His tongue was not cut out. He bit it off himself. They're calling it "autopsy," a postmortem examination. You know what that means? The act of seeing with one's own eyes. Mary: Would you mind taking me outside for some fresh air? Even I have my limits to what my eyes see and my hands feel. [Door opens] Wainwright: I don't believe you. You do not feel weak at all. I can tell. Mary: Then why am I out here with you? Wainwright: Well, that remains to be seen. You are a most unusual woman, Mary Sibley, truly exceptional. Mary: Really? In what way? Wainwright: Well, I've known other women as beautiful and as intelligent, but it's something else. Mary: Do tell. Wainwright: You're like me. The body holds no horror for you, nor, it seems, death itself. Only fascination and... Delight. I have waited all my life with no hope of meeting someone who I might stare with. Mary: Stare? Wainwright: Into the abyss. Why are you here? Because you liked what you felt... And you're ready for more? Mary: [Breathing heavily] Wainwright: The road to the palace of wisdom is arduous and long. Do you think you might... like to walk that road with me? Both: Now open, lock, to the dead man's knock, fly open, bolt and bar and arrow, find the one who spilled this blood, to him now point your marrow. Now open, lock, to the dead man's knock, fly, bolt and bar and arrow... Mary: The visions were clear. Knocker's Hole. [Indistinct shouting] Mary: Seal off all the alleyways. No one is to enter and none to leave. The finger points this way. Tituba: The killer was here. He's gone now. Mary: Check outside. He might still be near. Tituba: There's no sign of them. Mary: Patience. There's no place to hide for long in my Salem. Alden: [Groans] Mary: Place guards on every entrance to Knocker's Hole. No one is to leave. This witch hunter will not escape me. [Rumbling] Tituba: What is it? Mary: I felt it... the presence of the one who attacked me. She came from here. They came by water. This was their conduit, the means by which they gained entry into Salem. Like a rat in a sewer, they came through the well. Tituba: Then they could come again at any time. Mary: No. I will make sure that whatever came last night cannot come again without fair warning. I'll make a water charm to warn me if it draws near. I need but a taste of their signature. 'Tis a simple task. Tituba: Hardly simple and highly unpleasant. Mary: Well, then I'll get the young Anne Hale to perform the ritual for me. Time to dirty her hands, and the rest of her. Isaac: [Moaning] [Whimpers] [Moaning] [Screams] [Whimpers] What are you doing to me? Mercy: Preparing you for the spell. Dollie: You're gonna kill him. Please stop. Isn't Isaac one of us... the abused and abandoned of Salem? Isaac: [Moans] Dollie: You said so yourself that he was betrayed by Mary, left to die just like we were. [Exclaims] Mercy: Like some of us were, Dollie, dear. Stop! Looking! At! Me! Isaac: Mercy, please. Leave her be. Mercy: Leave her? Leave her? No! I'll leave her in the grave if she back talks again. Isaac: Why? Mercy: Sweet Isaac, it is simple... simple like you, like my father's Bible lessons. Nothing new under the sun. That which is done unto us must be done unto others. That is the way of the world. To everything, there is a season, a time to every purpose in hell. A time to reap, a time to sow. Yes. Isaac: No. Mercy: The season of the witch. [Bell tolling] Mary: Now we will complete your initiation. Anne: Where is everyone? Mary: I spread word of another outbreak. All hide away, quaking with terror. Last night, I was behagged in my own home. My assailant used the water in this well to reach me, right here in the very heart of our domain. Last night, they had the element of surprise. Now we must take it from them. You must take it from them. Anne: Me? What can I do? Mary: You can capture the magical signature of the witch who threatens us in this. It will give us fair warning if they dare draw near again. Anne: What do I have to do? Mary: There is no magic without sacrifice. So to begin, you must drown an animal at the bottom of the well. Hold the vial beneath the surface of the water till it is filled and recite the incantation to seal the well. Then bring the water charm to me. Anne: No. Give me something else to do. I can't go down the well. I've been terrified of small spaces ever since I was a child. Mary: And you have been crippled by that fear, made meek and small, and embryo goodwife shut up in your Puritan house like a Puritan mouse. But you can be more than that, Anne. Under us, soon all women can. But you cannot taste freedom until you confront your most crippling fear. Anne: We must drown an innocent creature? Mary: No creature is innocent. And neither are you. Anne: No. I cannot do it. Mary: You will go down the well. Anne: You cannot make me. Mary: I swear, little ginger witch, I will hurl you down that well and watch you drown if you do not stop resisting. Anne: [Breathing heavily] All right! Stop! I'll do it. [Rope creaking] Anne: [Breathing shakily] Please. No. No, please. [Thuds] What are you doing? Please. Aah! Aah! [Breathing shakily] [Exclaims] [Cat meows] Breathe your last, be empty shell... and by your death... My words compel. [Crying] [Rumbling] Water, water, drawn from hell, let the boil, your steps foretell. [Gasps] [Screams] Von Marburg: We meet again, little owl. Anne: Water, water, drawn from hell... by my words, seal this well! [Breathing heavily] Mary: See? That wasn't so bad. Anne: Tonight, Mary Sibley bade me confront my fear and go down into the well. [Spits] And so I went to create a warning charm. I drowned the animal. I filled the vial. I saw the hag. She spoke to me in the voice of the Countess Marburg, and I do not know who I fear more... Mary Sibley... or this Countess Marburg. [Knock on door] Wainwright: I demand an explanation, Madame. Mary: For what, exactly? Wainwright: The pox spreads like fire, and now there are reports of an outbreak in Andover. I must know if it is the same pox, but your militia will not let me leave Salem to investigate. Mary: You dare to walk into my house in the dead of night uninvited. My husband will have your neck. Wainwright: I am a doctor. I have seen your husband. That's hardly a credible threat. Mary: The people of Andover are not my concern or yours. The citizens of Salem are under quarantine, one you yourself supported. Wainwright: That edict was for others. I did not intend it to apply to me. Mary: Oh. Oh, just days in Salem and already Puritan hypocrisy is rubbing off on you. Wainwright: You well know that I am far from puritanical. Mary: Do I? You talk of pain and ecstasy. You came to seek the seat of the soul, but I see no evidence that you have the courage to touch mine. Perhaps if you wish to address the seat of my soul, you might consider another approach. Wainwright: Such as? A man of science, unlike a Puritan, can take as well as give instruction. Mary: You once said that I was like the queen Elizabeth of Salem. How would you have approached good Queen Bess if you wanted something from her. Wainwright: On my knees. Of course, I not only know the... duty... [Fabric rips] ... that a subject owes his monarch. I also understand the ties that bind them together. Cotton: I wish you could be here to see the truth of what I told you. I was right. If only you had listened. [Chuckles] If you had only listened. [Creaking] Who's there? [Footsteps]

In the wake of the most recent attack against her, Mary seeks answers to who may be responsible. To that end-and despite Tituba's warnings-Mary begins to tutor Anne Hale in the ways of witchcraft, but her work may not culminate exactly as planned. Upon his return to Salem, Cotton meets Dr. Wainwright and despite their obvious initial differences of opinions, each discovers the other may have something to offer in their mutual task. John Alden continues to make his presence felt in Salem, and his actions have repercussions for him, and for others, in ways both political and physical. Mercy moves forward in her plans of revenge against Mary even when Dollie, her only follower, and her father refused to participate. Meanwhile, Mary and Wainwright continue to explore their mutual interests, and Mary and Tituba search for the witch hunter.

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Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller Final check by Kim [Scene: Central Perk] (Joey and Ross enter. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, reading a magazine.) Ross: Hey you guys! Phoebe: Hey! Ross: Hey, what are you doing? Mike: Oh, figuring out our wedding plans. Chandler: That's funny, we were doing the same thing! Ross: Yeah! Phoebe: It's really crazy! The hall, the dress, the food... I-I had no idea how expensive this stuff was! Chandler: Yeah it is really pricey. I mean, I freaked when I first heard the numbers. Phoebe: So what did you two do about it? Chandler: It was pretty simple actually, I came up with a couple of cost-cutting solutions, wrote out a list and Monica told me to go to hell. Ross: There's no way around it Pheebs, you just gonna have to accept the fact that this is gonna cost you a lot of money. Mike: I heard that weddings are like a 40 billion dollar a year industry. Ross: Yeah, and I'm responsible for just like half of that. Phoebe: But really, it does seem like this money could be put to better use? Mike: Are you serious? Phoebe: Yeah! Now, how would you feel if we gave all the wedding money to charity and we just got married at City Hall? Mike: I think it would make me wanna marry you even more. (he kisses her) Ross: I've got to say you guys, that's an incredible gesture! Chandler: (to Ross) Maybe you do that next time you get married! Ross: No, no, no. The next time it's gonna be a Hawaii at sunset. [pause] But maybe the time after that! Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment] (Monica is cleaning the table, Chandler is sitting on the sofa. Joey enters.) Joey: Hey! Chandler: Hey! Joey: What's going on? Chandler: Our adoption social worker is coming by today so we are cleaning the apartment. Monica: (sarcastically) We? Chandler: You know you don't want me to help. You can't have it both ways! Joey: Hey, is this person who decides whether or not you... get a baby? Chandler: Kind of. She's coming by to interview us and see where we live. Monica: And it has to go perfectly, because if she doesn't like something about us she can keep us off every adoption list in the state. Joey: Hey, maybe I should stop by! She could be a soap opera fan! It's very impressive when the little people know a celebrity. Chandler: (pointing at himself) Little people? Joey: (pointing at himself) Celebrity. Monica: Ok, so I think I'm just about done here, unless you have any bad stuff hidden somewhere, like... p0rn or cigarettes? Chandler: What...? NO! Monica: Chandler? Chandler: (he stands up and he feels very offended) I don't, and I'm offended by the insinuation! Monica: Ok, so there's not a magazine under the couch, or a pack of cigarettes taped to the back of the toilet tank, or a filthy video in the VCR? Chandler: I'll admit to the cigarettes and the magazine, but that tape is not mine. Monica: It isn't mine! Joey: (going out with the VCR in his hand) Well, I guess we'll never know whose it is! [Scene: The New York City Children's fund hallway.] Charity guy: May I help you? Phoebe: Yes. We're here to make a rather sizeable donation to the children. Charity guy: Well, any contribution, large or small, is always appreciated. Phoebe: Well, I think you're gonna appreciate it the crap out of this one (she gives him a check) Charity guy: Well, this is very generous! Phoebe: And we don't want any recognition. This is completely anonymous. Mike: Completely anonymous. From two kind strangers. Phoebe: Mr. X and Phoebe Buffay. Charity guy: Well if you like, we can include your names in our newsletter. Mike: Not necessary. Phoebe: Buffay is spelled B-U-F-F-A-Y. Mike: And "X" is spelled uhm... "Mike Hannigan". Charity guy: Right. Well, on behalf of the children: thank you both very much. Phoebe: Sure, I so glad we did this. It feels so good! Mike: It does. It feels really good! Phoebe: Oh, look! And we get these free t-shirts! (she takes a t-shirt which was on the counter) Charity guy: Oh, actually, that's the shirt I wore to the gym. Phoebe: Mhm... it's moist. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.] Ross: (he enters) Hi! Rachel: Hi! Emma will be up in a minute! Ross: Oh, good! Rachel: Oh hey Ross... Listen, I heard about you and Charlie. I'm really sorry. Ross: Oh, that's OK. I'm sure there are tons of other beautiful paleontologists out there. Rachel: Absolutely. Ross: There was one! She's it! All the rest look like they should live under a bridge! Rachel: So, uhm... what are you gonna do today? Ross: Well, I was thinking of taking Emma to the playground! Rachel: Oh my God, what!? Ross: Like I said I was thinking of taking Emma to the museum of knives and fire! Rachel: Ok, look, Ross. I do not want Emma going to the playground. Ross: Be-caaauuuse... Rachel: (upset) All right, well, if you must know... I had a traumatic... swing incident... when I was little. Ross: Seriously? Rachel: Yes, I was 4 years old and I was on the swing and then all of a sudden my hair got tangled in the chain. And to get me out my mom had to-had to cut a big chunk of my hair! (crying) And it was uneven for weeks! Ross: (sarcastic) And you made it through that? I wonder who's gonna play you in the movie! Rachel: Ok, fine! You can make fun of me. I do not want Emma going there. And I was thinking Claire Danes. Ross: Look, I'm sorry to hear about your tragedy, ok? But the swings are perfectly safe, and besides Emma loves them. You know what, you should come with us and you'll see! Rachel: Ross, those things go like 40 miles an hour! Ok? When you're... and there is that moment when you are at the top, when you just don't know if you're gonna return back to earth! Ross: Space is filled with orbiting children. (pause) Look, please, just come on, you know, when you'll see the look on Emma's face, I swear you won't regret it. Rachel: All right! Ross: Good, you don't want to be one of those mothers who pass on their irrational fears on their children, do you? Rachel: Irrational, huh? All right, well, I'll remember that the next time you freak out about a spider in your apartment! Ross: Oh, yeah, that's the same, I am sure there are thirty different species of poisonous swings! [Scene: Monica's apartment. Somebody knocks the door] Monica: Oh my God, the adoption lady is early! Chandler: Ok, ok, here we go. Monica: Ok. Chandler: Here we go. Stand up straight. (smiling) Big smile. (opens the door and both are smiling exaggeratedly) Phoebe: Hello, is this the creepy residence? Monica: We're waiting for the adoption lady, but, hey, I'm glad you're here. I was cleaning this morning and I found this (she puts a box on the table and opens it). I don't know if you wanna use it, but... Phoebe: Awe, this is so sweet of you! But you know what? I won't be needing a veil, I actually won't be wearing a dress at all! Monica: I told you! I am not coming to a naked wedding! Phoebe: No, no, no, we're not having a big reception, we took the money we were gonna spend on a wedding and we donate them to the children charity. Monica: That's crazy! (Phoebe looks bewildered). I am sorry. I just can't imagine giving up my one wedding day like that! Phoebe: We, you know, we're different! We don't care about having a huge party. (She picks up the veil) This is really nice for you, but, oh, please, I put this on? (she puts it on) And, ow, I look (she looks her reflex image on a toaster), why, well, radiant. (pause) All right, well, who cares, I don't need a pretty veil and a fancy dress. Monica: That's right. You're making a commitment and that's the same, whether you do that at the Plaza or, where are you gonna do it? Phoebe: City Hall. Monica: Ow! (Chandler slaps her on her back) Oh, that sounds nice! I am just there for jury duty. They really spruce that place up! Phoebe: It's ok, it's ok. I made my decision. What I really want is a great big wedding (she covers her mouth) Monica: Yay! Chandler: But you already gave all your money to charity! Phoebe: Well, I'll just ask for it back! Chandler: I don't think you can do that! Monica: Why not! This is her wedding day, this is way more important than some stupid kids! Chandler: That's sweet, honey, but save something for the adoption Lady. [Scene: The playground. Ross put Emma on the swing and they're ready to play] Rachel: Ok, careful. Ross: Ok. Rachel: Careful, watch her hair. WATCH HER HAIR! Ross: Rach, she's got like three hairs! Rachel: I know (she touches Emma's head) but they're just so beautiful! Oh, my God, I just pulled one out. Ross: I promise you she's safe! No watch how much she loves this. Rachel: Ok. Ross (to Emma): Ready sweety? Rachel: Ok. Ross: Here we go! (He starts pushing Emma) Rachel: Ok, careful, ok. (Emma giggles) Oh, she's smiling! Oh my God, she does like it! Ross: See, I told you! Rachel: Awe! (Emma laughs) Oh my God! Looks, she's a little dare-devil! Oh, let me push, can I push? Ross: Oh, absolutely! Rachel: Ok. Oh God. (To Ross) Get the camera, it's in the diaper bag. Ross: Ok! (he takes the camera and walks backwards to take a shot) See? Scared of swings, I bet you feel pretty silly (a swinging boy knocks him down) Ow! [Scene: The New York City Children's fund ] Mike: We're seriously asking for our money back? Phoebe: It's for our wedding day! Right, now, is this guy gay or straight, because one of us gonna have to start flirting. Charity guy: Wow! Are you here to make another donation the same day? I don't think that that's ever happened before. Phoebe (to Mike): Gay, go. Mike (to the charity guy): Oh my God, I love your shirt! Phoebe: The donation we made earlier, we k..., we w..., we want it back. Charity guy: Excuse me? Phoebe: Yeah. See, that money was for a big wedding, that we thought we didn't want, but it turns out we do. Charity guy: So you're asking us to refund your donation to the children? Mike: Yeah! This feels really good. Phoebe: I am sorry. I am, but this wedding is just really important to me. Charity guy: Hey, it's not my business, (he takes their check from a drawer) besides it's probably a good thing. We really would have been spoiling the children, all those food, and warm clothing... Phoebe: Hey, that's not fair! A person's wedding is important! And especially to me! Ok? I didn't have a graduation party! And I didn't go to Prom. And I spent my sweet sixteen being chased round a tire yard by an escaped mental patient who is his own words wanted to "kill me" or whatever. So I deserve a real celebration and I am not gonna let some sweaty little man make me feel badly about it.( She storms out) Mike: She could have been talking about either one of us. [Scene: Monica's apartment. Somebody knocks the door] Laura: Hi, I am Laura, I am here for your adoption interview. Monica: Hi, I am Monica and this is Chandler. Please come in. Laura: Thank you! Monica: Would you like something to drink? Laura: Oh, water would be fine. Monica: Ok. Great. I am so glad that you are here. We're really excited about getting this process started. Chandler: Oh, because we love kids. Love 'em to death.Well, not actually to death, that's just a figure of speech - we love kids the appropriate amount... as allowed by law. Laura: Your place is just lovely. Monica: Ah, thank you. This building does have a wholesome family feel to it. Laura: You know, I... I feel like I've been here before. Are any other couples in the building adopting? Monica: Is that that couple on the first floor? Because we should get a baby before them. Yeah! That guy tried to sell me drugs. (Laura looks shocked) Chandler: But other than that... wholesome, wholesome building. Laura: Oh... Chandler: What? Laura: I just realized why I remember this place. Monica: Really? What is it? Laura: Oh, it's nothing. I went on a date with a guy who lived in this building and it didn't end very well. Monica: Ohh... that wouldn't by any chance be... Joey Tribbiani? Laura: Yes! Chandler: Of course it was! Laura: Yeah, we had a really great night and in the morning he promised he would call me and he didn't. Chandler: RAT b*st*rd! Laura: So you're not friends with him? Monica and Chandler: OH GOD NO! Nope, no, no, no. No! No, no. Nope! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO! (finally Monica concludes) No! Laura: Well, I'm sorry I brought it up. So, are either one of you planning on staying at home with your child... (someone knocks on the door) Joey: (form the other side of the door) Hellooo? Anybody in there order a celebrity? (He starts to enter the apartment and Chandler runs to the door and shuts it back in his face) OW! Laura: What was that? Chandler: Oh, it's just some crazy guy who roams the halls here. He's great with kids though. [Scene: Ross and Rachel are at the playground with Emma. Rachel in putting her back in the stroller and Ross is tending to his wound] Rachel: Oh, oh Ross, oh my God, are you okay? Ross: SON OF A BITCH! (turns to his right to see three kids staring at him) (To the kids) Oh relax! I didn't say the 'F' word! (They go away) Rachel: Ross, see! I told you, those swings are evil! Alright, that is it. That is the last time Emma is getting on one of those things for her entire life. Ross: No! No, no, no, no, okay, it wasn't the swing's fault. It was my fault and kind of that (point to the kid that kicked him) kids fault. Who is still laughing. Nice. Rachel: Ross, c'mon, please. Can we just get out of here, before somebody else gets hurt? Ross: No wait, okay, okay, I have an idea. I want you to get on the swing, okay? And you'll see that there's nothing to be afraid of. Rachel: (looks at him suspiciously) I know what this is all about... You've always been jealous of my hair. Ross: Look, I just think you're an adult, okay? And you should get over your silly fears. Rachel: Alright fine. I'll do it. Ross: Good. Rachel: If you hold a spider. Ross: (He freaks out and starts jumping around brushing his sweater) WHAT? WHERE? WHERE? Rachel: IF you hold a spider. Ross: I know. (Rachel bends down to Emma and Ross looks over his shoulder again, afraid) [Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Chandler is still leaning against the door, keeping Joey out, who is still banging and shouting on the other side.] Joey: Guys? Everything ok? It's me, Joe... Chandler: (Screams to interrupt Joey) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......AAAaaa-doption!! Laura: What's going on? Chandler: Oh, just like I said. That crazy... Bert... roaming the halls. (Joey bangs on the door again) Joey: Guys!? Monica: Keep on roaming Bert! We don't want any crazy today! Joey: What's going on? Chandler: WE'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, BERT. EVERYTHNG'S FINE!! (cut to Joey on the other side, who finally leaves the door and goes to his apartment) Joey: Everything doesn't sound fine! Laura: Is he alright out there by himself? Chandler: Oh yeah! He has a caretaker. His older brother... Ernie. Laura: Bert and Ernie! Chandler: (nervous smile) You can't make this stuff up! [Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike enter] Mike: You never told me about that guy on your sweet sixteen. Oh, ugh. I'm sorry about that. Phoebe: (Lightly) Oh! It ended okay. One of my friends shot him. Mike: Well, hey, at least you're getting a proper wedding. I mean, you really deserve that. Phoebe: Yeah, I really do. You know, I had nothing growing up. (thinks for a few seconds) Just like the kids I took the money from. Mike: No! No, no. I see where this is going. Don't make me go back there. Phoebe: Look, I can't have a wedding with this money now. It's tainted. Mike: Alright, fine. We'll give the money back. Phoebe: And if that guy at the charity gives us a hard time, my friend hasn't shot anyone in a really long time. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's. They are preparing to show Laura around. Laura is standing with her back to the window, Chandler and Monica are standing on either side of her, facing each other. Laura: Well, I must say, this seems like a lovely environment to raise a child in. Monica: Oh, by the way, you are more than welcome to look under any of the furniture, because, believe me, you won't find any p0rn or cigarettes under there! Laura: Oh! Well, actually, before we look around, let me make sure I have everything I need up to here... (She starts checking her form. Chandler sees movement near the window from the corner of his eye and when he looks he spots Joey climbing up the fire escape and onto their balcony. He warns Monica silently.) Monica: (Pulls Laura into the spare room) Why don't I show you the baby's room? [SCENE_BREAK] (Joey enters through the side window and jogs towards the kitchen holding a baseball bat) Chandler: What the hell are you doing? Joey: Well, you wouldn't let me in, so I thought you were in trouble. Chandler: Well, we're not. Joey: But you called me 'Bert'!? That's our code word for danger! Chandler: We don't have a code word. Joey: We don't? We really should. From now on, 'Bert' will be our code word for danger. (Monica talks loudly in the baby's room) Monica: So that was the baby's room. (They come out and Chandler throws Joey behind the couch and puts his foot on him. Monica looks at Chandler) Monica: (To Chandler) What room should we see next? Chandler: Any room that isn't behind this couch! (laughs nervously) Monica: (laughs nervously as well, Laura looks confused) (To Laura) Some people don't get him, but I think he's really funny! (She takes Laura to their own bedroom). (Joey gets up and look annoyed) Joey: (quivering with anger) I did not care for that! Chandler: (escorting Joey to the door) You have to get out of here. You slept with our social worker and you never called her back and she is still pissed, so she can't see you. Joey: Ok, ok! (He leaves) Chandler: Ok! (Joey leaves and closes the door behind him. Chandler walks towards the living room, but then Joey enters again.) Chandler: What? Joey: I forgot my bat. (He picks up his bat and holds it up, but then Monica and Laura enter the living room again. When Laura sees Joey, she freezes...) Laura: Oh my God! Chandler: And for the last time, we do not want to be friends with you! And we don't want to buy your bat! (Joey lowers his bat) Laura: What are you doing here? Joey: (to Chandler) Bert! Bert! Bert! Bert! Laura: Are you friends with him? Chandler: I can explain... Joey... Joey: Uhm... ok... uhm... Well, yeah... You have got some nerve, coming back here. I can't believe you never called me. Laura: Excuse me? Joey: Oh... yeah... Probably you don't even remember my name. It's Joey, by the way. And don't bother telling me yours, because I totally remember it... lady. Yeah! I waited weeks for you to call me. Laura: I gave you my number, you never called me. Joey: No, no! Don't try to turn this around on me, ok? I'm not some kind of... social work, ok, that you can just... do. Laura: (embarrassed towards Chandler and Monica) Well, I'm pretty sure I gave you my number. Joey: Really? Think about it. Come on! You're a beautiful woman, smart, funny, we had a really good time, huh? If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you? Laura: I don't know... Well, maybe I'm wrong... I'm sorry... Joey: No, no, hey, no! Too late for apologies... ok? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you? (and he leaves the apartment, leaving her shocked) Laura: Joey, wait! Joey: (acting sad) NO! I waited a long time, I can't wait anymore... (and closes the door behind him) Laura: (laughing nervously) I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm so embarrassed... Chandler: Oh, that's really ok. Monica: Yeah, that we totally understand. Dating is hard. Laura: Boy, you people are nice... And I've got to say... I think you're going to make excellent parents. (Chandler and Monica hug each other, and then Joey enters the apartment again.) Joey: LAURA! (and points to her, very confident) [Scene: The New York City Children's Fund building. Phoebe and Mike are entering.] Phoebe: (to the Charity guy) We're back! Charity guy: Are you here to take more money? Because, I think what you're looking for is an ATM. Mike: No, no, we're here to give the money back. Phoebe: Yeah, because you know what, it's... it's all about the children. (the Charity guy smiles wanting to take the check, but Phoebe pulls it back again. His smile fades.) Phoebe: Although... it's also about the wedding... Ugh, alright... here. (she gives the check and pulls it back again) No... Oh God... Oh! Charity guy: If I haven't said so already sir, (sarcastically pointing to Phoebe) congratulations! Mike: (takes the check from Phoebe) Ok, look! Enough! Alright? I'm stepping in. I'm putting my foot down! As your future husband I'm going to make this decision for us. (thinking) Now... what do you think we should do? Charity guy: You know what? It's not your decision anymore. Mike: What? Charity guy: On behalf of the Children of New York, I reject your money. Phoebe: But... but... but we're giving you this! Charity guy: Yeah... And I'm giving it back to you... Come on! Consider it a contribution. (gives the check to Phoebe) Phoebe: (looks at the amount on the check, and gasps) Well, this is very generous! Charity guy: Please, take the check, go have a great wedding and a wonderful life together. Mike: Well, I mean... It sounds good to me. And that way we can save up, come back in a few years and make an even bigger donation. Charity guy: Absolutely! And when you do, make sure you ask for Brian. Phoebe: Oh, is that you? Charity guy: No! [Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment. They are sitting in their living room when the phone rings.] Monica: Hello...? Oh hi... Oh my God...! Really...? I can't wait to tell Chandler... Ok, goodbye. (hangs up) Chandler: Wrong number? Monica: It was Laura... She gave us a great report and we are officially on the waiting list. Chandler: That's great! Monica: Now we just have to wait for a call and... and someone tells us there's a baby waiting for us. Oh... (Chandler and Monica hug and after a while the telephone rings again... Monica's eyes get bigger. Chandler answers.) Chandler: Hello...? Have you seen Joey's bat? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The playground. Ross, Rachel and Emma are still there. Rachel comes walking to Ross and Emma with something between her hands.] Rachel: Ok... I got a spider. There were two, I picked the bigger one. Ross: (nervously) Ok... Rachel: Ok... (and passes the spider to Ross who holds it in between his hands) Ross: (Gasps and speaks at a higher pitch) This feels perfectly normal. Ok, get on the swing! Rachel: (reluctantly) Ok... O-k... (She slowly grabs the chains of the swing, swings her hair back, and sits down.) Rachel: (more confident) Ok... (She slowly walks forward and backward, to gain speed...) Rachel: whoo... ok... wow... ok... OH! Ross: See? Rachel: A-alright! I can do this. Ross: There you go! Good for you! And you know what, I'm actually getting used to this little guy. I don't really even feel him in here anymore. Rachel: That's because he's on your neck. Ross: Well... (realizes, screaming like a little girl, trying to get rid of the spider) Whaa... aaah... aaahhh... (Ross is now preoccupied with the spider, and forgets that Rachel is still using the swing. While trying to get rid of the spider, he stands in front of Rachel, who bumps into him, throwing him on the ground again.) Rachel: ROSS! (Rachel tries to stop mid-swing, and the swing starts to turn from side to side) end

Monica and Chandler are worried about the adoption agency interviewer when they learn Joey slept with her and never called her back. They keep assuring her they are not friends with Joey. Joey climbs up the fire escape to check on Chandler and Monica when they won't open the door. Joey pretends he was heartbroken since the interviewer never called him and successfully convinces her of that idea. Phoebe and Mike are hesitant to spend such a large amount of money on their wedding and agree to marry at City Hall with the money donated to charity. They have a change of heart and take the money back but then are guilt-ridden. Eventually the charity rejects their donation and tells them to have a good wedding. Ross tries to help Rachel get over her fear of swings while she helps him get over his fear of spiders.

fd_Alias_02x07

fd_Alias_02x07_0

(Continuing from last week. Vaughn's shaving when he sees blood coming from his fingernails. He reaches over and takes out a box of Band-Aids. He puts them on his fingertips. Buttons up a white shirt. Takes his silver watch and puts it on. He looks in the mirror. Later, he's on his cell phone, still at his home.) DR. NICHOLAS: This is Dr. Nicholas calling. VAUGHN: Thanks for getting back to me so soon. Uh, the thing is, I think I have a problem. DR. NICHOLAS: I know you're worried, but we ran every available diagnostic test for viral infections. Everything that could be related to your exposure to the fluid inside the Rambaldi device. They all came back negative. VAUGHN: Yes, I know. Under my fingernails, there's blood. (Pause.) DR. NICHOLAS: Okay, here's what we're going to do. The virus isn't airborne, but as a precaution I'm going to send an isolation unit to bring you in. VAUGHN: Don't send anyone. I'll come to you. But first, there's someone I need to see. DR. NICHOLAS: See them later! Right now, you stay put! (Vaughn hangs up.) (In his car, he hesitantly looks at his bandaged fingertips.) (Vaughn is at the entrance to Irina's cell. The bars move aside as he walks down the hall. Inside her cell, Irina sits on the floor reading a book.) IRINA: I know what you did for me. Proving Sydney's father betrayed her in Madagascar. I would have been executed for that. Thank you. VAUGHN: I didn't do it for you. (Irina gets up and walks to the glass. Vaughn looks down, avoiding eye contact.) IRINA: While that might be true, I owe you my life. VAUGHN: You owe me my father's life. In Cap Ferrat, I saw Khasinau experiment on people who had been exposed to the liquid from inside the red ball. I want to know what he learned from doing that. IRINA: If he found a cure? VAUGHN: Yes. I know the terms are you only cooperate with Sydney, but this disease, it works quickly. I don't have much time. IRINA: You're the one who's sick. VAUGHN: Yes. IRINA: Tell me how you feel about my daughter. VAUGHN: That's none of your business. IRINA: Are you in love with her? VAUGHN: I don't know why that matters to you. IRINA: I don't have the advantage of observing casual behavior. I'm curious. VAUGHN: Help me, and I'll tell you what you want to know. (At Francie's restaurant, Sydney fixes some flowers in a vase while Will fills up many salt shakers.) WILL: Okay, tell me if this sounds weird. I mean, can we talk here? SYDNEY: Hang on. (She rifles around in her purse and produces a lipstick. She uncaps it, turns it up, and it beeps. She sets it down on the table.) SYDNEY: Bug killer. In case anyone's listening. WILL: Seriously? In a lipstick? SYDNEY: What were you going to say? WILL: I looked up twenty years of standardized tests to see if any of those IQ-type questions Vaughn's interested in were ever used. SYDNEY: And? WILL: They weren't. At least in none of the tests I looked up. But there was a year missing and the educational testing service didn't have a hard copy or a disk. I mean, it is like 1982 never existed. SYDNEY: Maybe someone had a reason to make it disappear. (Francie comes over with a pot and a mixing spoon.) FRANCIE: You've got to try this bouillabaisse that I'm making. Here. (She gives the spoon to Sydney. She tries it.) FRANCIE: What do you think? Too spicy, too salty? SYDNEY: Perfect. WILL: I'll be done in, like, two minutes. FRANCIE: Okay, great. (She goes back to the kitchen.) WILL: So it's weird, right? SYDNEY: There was an operation called Project Christmas. My father developed it. It used standardized tests, asking specific questions to identify children the agency could later recruit. WILL: Children? SYDNEY: It was an experiment. The KGB sent my mother here to steal details about the program. About that time, the CIA stopped the operation. Vaughn thinks maybe Russian intelligence is still running it to recruit Americans. (Her cell rings.) SYDNEY: Hello? KENDALL: We need you at operations. (They hang up.) WILL: I'll tell Francie you said good-bye. (Sydney walks in the ops center and finds Kendall.) SYDNEY: Hey, what's up? KENDALL: It's Vaughn. He's developed symptoms. SYDNEY: What symptoms? The doctor said we were fine. KENDALL: Yes, but his exposure was far more extensive. He's developed some kind of a blood coagulation disorder. SYDNEY: Do we-- are you sure that it-- KENDALL: We're sure. (Jack walks up to them.) SYDNEY: Where is he? JACK: He came to see your mother about an antidote. Shortly after leaving the facility, he collapsed. (Irina's cell. She sits on her bed reading her book. Sydney walks up to the glass.) SYDNEY: Is there an antidote? IRINA: Yes. It can be found in Paldiski. It's a former Soviet training base for nuclear submarine personnel. SYDNEY: Who operates the base now? IRINA: When Estonia gained independence, the local authorities graciously accepted our offer to take over the facility. I can tell y8ou were it is in the facility, but even if you can get it, I can't guarantee anything. (Upstairs at the ops center, Kendall, Sydney, Jack and a specialist stand around in a circle.) SPECIALIST: This antidote sounds almost as dangerous as the infection. If Derevko is telling us the truth... JACK: Which is a valid question. SPECIALIST: Then the serum is a blood derivative. Meaning you just can't get the medecine and inject it into the sick patient. SYDNEY: How would something like this work? SPECIALIST: You need blood from the patient. In this case, Vaughn. The equipment that manufactures the serum reads the blood and creates a custom genetic-specific antidote for that particular patient. SYDNEY: I'll need to take some of Vaughn's blood with me. SPECIALIST: Yes. (A man enters the circle.) KENDALL: This is Agent Chapman, he'll be running the op from here while your father leads the team into Paldiski. CHAPMAN: According to Derevko, the antidote is located at three separate decontamination stations within the former nuclear facility. We'll launch a zodiac a couple miles up the coast and drop you in as close as we can. KENDALL: The plane's ready. You can spec out the mission in flight. You've got thirty minutes with Vaughn, maybe less. SYDNEY: How much time does Vaughn have? SPECIALIST: There doesn't seem to be a consistent pattern, but the virus could act quickly. SYDNEY: Are we talking weeks, days? Just tell me. SPECIALIST: Given his level of exposure, three days would be my guess. JACK: I'll buy time for us with Sloane. Go. (Helicopter lands outside the US Naval Medical Center. Inside, Sydney walks up to Vaughn's bed where he appears to be sleeping in a hospital gown, tubes and monitors everywhere. Sydney puts on some rubber gloves and sits down beside him. He wakes up and looks at her sleepily.) VAUGHN: Hi. SYDNEY: Hi. I talked to my mother, there's an antidote. I'm going to go get it. VAUGHN: How dangerous? SYDNEY: Getting the serum? Nah, it'll be easy. But I need to take some of your blood with me, okay? (He looks away, in pain. She ties a band around his arm and takes the needle. Sydney injects him with it, taking he blood. His head lolls around. She caps the needle.) SYDNEY: Couple of days, you'll be doing wind sprints. (Vaughn takes her hand.) VAUGHN: Be careful. Syd... sorry I'm so tired. (Still holding her hand, his eyes close. Sydney sniffles a little and suddenly the monitors start beeping and Dr. Nicholas rushes over, pushing Sydney out of the way.) SYDNEY: Vaughn! Vaughn! DR. NICHOLAS: He's bleeding internally! (Out in the hallway, several doctors push Vaughn's bed down the hall to another room.) FEMALE DOCTOR: Shall we prepare for a lavage? DR. NICHOLAS: Yes, have you called the blood bank? FEMALE DOCTOR: They've already typed and crossed for six units of packed RBCs. DR. NICHOLAS: Have you reached Dr. Simon? FEMALE DOCTOR: He's not on call, but Dr. Carlson is on his way in-- (They take Vaughn in another room. Sydney, who was trailing behind, approaches a nurse.) SYDNEY: Wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute, what's going on? Is he going to be all right? NURSE: We don't know, but you have to wait here. Your designated cover -- you're with the state department bureau of arms control. Your name is Rita Stevens, give no details about his illness. (A blonde haired woman goes to Sydney.) WOMAN: Excuse me, did they tell you anything? SYDNEY: No. WOMAN: The paramedics called. "What was his last meal? Is he allergic to any medication?" I got to the hospital as fast as I could... So you work with Michael? SYDNEY: Yeah. We're in the same bureau at state. I'm Rita. WOMAN: I'm Alice. I'm listed as his emergency contact. I'm Michael's girlfriend. Excuse me. (Crying, Alice walks away.) (Sloane sits in his office, at his desk. He hits the button to open the door when someone knocks. Jack enters.) JACK: I was contacted by an informant in Baku. He indicated that the triad has set up a listening post near the Armenian border. I took the liberty of assigning the recon op to Sydney. I'll be on the next plane myself. SLOANE: I went ahead with the exhumation. I opened Emily's grave. It was empty. JACK: Have you checked with the funeral home? Detailed a forensics unit to the gravesite? SLOANE: I saw her, Jack. JACK: Maybe. You can't be sure. SLOANE: Emily's alive. And she knows what I did. So I am dead to her. JACK: If the Alliance finds out about this from another source-- SLOANE: I just got off the phone with Christophe. I told him that someone was trying to make it look like I faked Emily's death in order to secure my position. JACK: It was the smart play. SLOANE: I'm not so sure. Even if they believe me, the timing might make it seem like I was looking for an excuse for my recent performance. JACK: Are there concerns? SLOANE: Since I was made a partner in the Alliance, SD-6 has consistently stumbled in its operations. We lost the terahertz wave camera. We failed to retrieve the formula for zero-point energy. We didn't acquire Derevko's operations manual. JACK: The situation regarding Emily has been a distraction. Informing them puts these setbacks in context. SLOANE: Christophe wnat sme to meet with him in Tokyo. I need a victory, Jack. I need to bring something tangible to the organization. JACK: We have an asset in custody downstairs who is familiar with Derevko's operation. I suggest we take advantage of that. (Klaus Richter is on a table in the conversation room. SD-6's doctor who almost tortured Sydney before Rusik was killed last season, stands behind Sloane.) SLOANE: As the virus progresses, it causes something called ascending paralysis. Your nervous system is being poisoned from your feet up. You see, the paralysis is affecting the nerves that control your ability to breathe. Soon, you will suffocate. Interestingly, you still have feeling, but you're paralyzed. You can still feel both pleasure... and pain. Tell me where is Derevko's base of operations, hmm? RICHTER: Please... (Sloane looks at the torture doctor. He takes an object out that hisses and then produces a flame like a torch. He presses it down on Richter. Richter screams in pain.) SLOANE: I want a location. RICHTER: Aaaah... (sobbing) Smila. Smila. (On the side of a road, Will waits. A car drives up and Abby -- his British coworker from the newspaper -- climbs out. She walks over to him with a business-sized envelope in her hands.) WILL: Hey. Thanks for meeting me. ABBY: So I did the work you asked me to do, but please don't tell me you're chasing some alleged CIA conspiracy again. WILL: No. I'm just helping out a friend, that's all. ABBY: Well, you can tell your friend the questions he's interested in weren't on the test in '82. WILL: Are you sure? ABBY: Those ridiculously difficult spatial relationship questions? The ones about why rainbows occur and why you have to be standing behind the sun to see them? WILL: Yeah. ABBY: Not on there. Sorry. WILL: Huh. ABBY: Come on, off the record. What's this all about? (On the plane to Estonia, Jack gives Sydney the run down.) JACK: These are propulsion boots. You can do five knots with them. We drop you a hundred yards offshore. You should be at the pier in under two minutes. (He picks up a gun with a silencer.) JACK: Heckler & Koch P-11 underwater pistol. Holds five rounds of tranq darts. Thing's virtually silent. Good luck. (In Paldiski, Sydney goes though the water with the propulsion boots. She reaches the side of the building and climbs the ladder up. She takes out two guards with her P-11 and grabs one of their security badges.) SYDNEY: I'm at stage one, outside the facility. (Back in LA at the ops center, Chapman and Kendall listen with headsets.) KENDALL: Copy that, Mountaineer. We're standing by. (Sydney enters the main part of the building wearing a yellow biohazard protection suit. She sees another worker taking a barrel so she does too. As she walks by, she sees Sark in the control room with a few others.) SYDNEY: I just spotted Sark. KENDALL: I don't need to remind you to stay out of sight. (She goes through the room and enters the decontamination center.) JACK: (voice over) Our intel indicates that to use the serum generator, you need the security pass code. (Flashback to on the plane. He gives her a small computer the size of a cordless phone.) JACK: The jack in this computer, it's got a satellite link that will let us get into the system and provide us with the code you need. (Back in the center, Sydney takes out the computer and inserts the jack into theirs.) SYDNEY: I've got sat link. You should be receiving data now. CHAPMAN: Roger, Mountaineer. Stand by for the pass code. 2664729. (Sydney enters the numbers as she relays them back.) SYDNEY: 26647-- CHAPMAN: Wait. SYDNEY: What? CHAPMAN: The generators are peripheral to the main system. SYDNEY: I don't understand. CHAPMAN: The machine is connected to their central security systems. If you try to generate the serum, their security system will be alerted. SYDNEY: Can we circumvent the system? CHAPMAN: Not from here. KENDALL: Mountaineer, abort the op and head back. We'll find another way to-- SYDNEY: Abort? We don't have time to find something else! KENDALL: If you use the machine, they'll know you're there. SYDNEY: Then I'll run fast. (She punches in the last of the numbers.) KENDALL: You've been ordered to abort, Mountaineer, do you copy? (Sydney finishes the procedure by inserting a drop of blood into the machine. The computer starts analyzing the exposure levels in Vaughn's blood. In the control room, one of the employees takes off his headset and goes to Sark.) CONTROL GUY: Sir, someone has accessed the decontamination room. [SCENE_BREAK] (Inside the room, Sydney hears the alarm wail as the machine synthesizes the dosage. When it's completed, she takes the serum and walks out. A few guards shoot at her. She army rolls out of the way and takes the fire extinguisher off the wall. When one of the guards goes to her, she hits him in the head with the extinguisher. She kicks the other guard and hits him with the back of his gun. He falls to the ground. Sydney, now with the guard's gun, runs down some stairs on her way out. She opens a door, running and gets to the next door. Locked. She goes back, but that door is now locked. She looks up and above her is the control room windows, with Sark looking down at her.) SARK: Agent Bristow. Those pipes are rigged to disperse ammonia flurochloride. Wonderful for decontaminating metals and concrete. Not so good on organic materials, such as your suit. Or your skin. (She cocks her gun and shoots at the glass protecting Sark. He closes his eyes as the bullets bounce off the bulletproof glasses. He doesn't even flinch.) SARK: You and I, we're destined to work together. I truly believe that. (He hits a button and the ammonia starts pouring down on her.) SARK: Of course, any future collaboration requires my turning the sprinkler system off. (Sydney looks as her suit is being disintegrated, melting away. She looks up.) SARK: Notice your suit is already being eaten away. I'd give it another forty seconds. I could use your help. I need access to Arvin Sloane. SYDNEY: Why? SARK: Because I intend to kill him. SYDNEY: I can get you to Sloane, but only if you promise to let me keep the antidote. SARK: No. Sloane first. Then you'll get back your precious antidote. (Sydney slowly nods in acceptance of the deal.) (A naked Sydney stands in an industrial shower, hands over her breasts while men in suits scrub her down with large brushes.) SYDNEY: (voice over) Sark had me taken to the decontamination room. He let me go. I came back here to Los Angeles. KENDALL: And Sark never asked you who the antidote was for? SYDNEY: No. He didn't seem to care. KENDALL: What exactly did you promise Sark? (At the operations center, Sydney and Kendall are talking with Jack standing behind them, observing.) SYDNEY: That I would render Sloane unconscious, and deliver him to Sark. KENDALL: So he could kill him. SYDNEY: Yes. KENDALL: There are just so many problems with this that I don't even know where to begin. SYDNEY: How about we start with Vaughn? KENDALL: Do I need to remind you that the American intelligence, Agent Bristow-- SYDNEY: You said yourself that Vaughn is in critical condition! KENDALL: --Are not in the business of committing murder! SYDNEY: Arvin Sloane killed my fiance. I have had plently of opportunities to return the favor, but I have chosen not to because, yes, I know, it's not what we do. It's what he does and it's reprehensible! But we have no choice here! Vaughn could be dead in two days! KENDALL: Well, we'll do our best to prevent that. Agent Bristow, you don't collaborate with the enemy like this! SYDNEY: What the hell would you have done?! There is NO choice here! JACK: (quietly) Sydney-- SYDNEY: I am NOT going to do nothing! JACK: Give us a minute, would you? (Kendall leaves.) SYDNEY: Don't try and convince me not to work with Sark! JACK: That's not what I'm doing. I'm on your side here. We can't lose Vaughn. SYDNEY: So what do we do? JACK: We don't go through Kendall. Push him, and he'll run it through channels. This needs to be handled quietly. (Marshall's office. He's working on a polar bear skin rug, inspecting the fur intently.) JACK: (voice over) Sloane is scheduled to attend an Alliance meeting in Tokyo. I'll find out the details of his itinerary. (Jack enters the office.) JACK: My S.T.U. is not recognizing my crypto-ignition key. I need it fixed. MARSHALL: Fine. Do you know that polar bears can't be detected by infrared photography? Their fur emits no heat. Nothing. Nada. Zip. (Jack gives him his trademark cold stare.) MARSHALL: I guess I thought maybe it would be applicable to something I-- Crypto-ignition key. I got to do that from the server room. Excuse me. (He clears his throat and runs out. Jack calmly walks over to Marshall's computer and starts typing.) (At Francie's restaurant, Will looks at the tests. Francie comes over and sits down across from him.) FRANCIE: What's that? WILL: Oh, it's one of those standardized tests kids take. A friend from the newspaper is interested in me maybe tutoring his kid. FRANCIE: (flipping through) "Reading comprehension essay. Based on our invasion of Grenada..."? WILL: Yeah. You know, it was weird. The only test I could download was from 1982. Sort of the height of the Reagan ear, Cold War indoctrination. FRANCIE: Well, back when I was listening to Duran Duran every single day my uncle was one of the marines Reagan sent into Grenada. The invasion was in 1983. (Will meets with Abby again.) WILL: I mean, why would the Department of Education give you a fake test? How can I get a hold of a copy of the original test? ABBY: For the love of God, Will, have you lost your mind? WILL: I mean, the whole test is a fake. ABBY: I got it from the Department of Education. WILL: Abby, Abby, look, I don't know exactly what this means but it could be important. (Sloane's office with Jack.) SLOANE: I spoke to our man in custody. All he gave us was a province in the Ukraine. Smila. I sent a team there to search for Derevko's headquarters. So far they've found nothing. JACK: When do you leave for Tokyo? SLOANE: I leave in one hour. I need you to help me, Jack. I need you to get Richter to talk, to tell us exactly where in Smila we could find Derevko's center of operations. If I go to Japan without something tangible, something valuable, I don't know what the Alliance might do. (In the conversation room, the SD-6 torture doctor applies the torch to Richter's legs again. He screams.) JACK: It doesn't have to end this way. You could be made very comfortable. All you have to do is give us an address. RICHTER: Smila... JACK: Yes, in the Ukraine. Where in Smila? All we need is an address. (Richter starts sobbing. Sloane, who had been standing over to the side, comes up in Richter's face.) SLOANE: Just tell me where the hell Derevko's operation is! You give me an address now, you son of a bitch! Where in Smila do we look?! RICHTER: (sobbing) Smila... Smila is my wife. (He starts laughing and sobbing.) RICHTER: And I love her. I love her so much. SLOANE: Just kill him. (Will meets with someone in charge of the tests.) PROFESSOR: You said 1982, right? WILL: There's a serial number. FYB55L. PROFESSOR: Popular test. WILL: Popular? PROFESSOR: I got a call once from someone at ETS. Said they were centralizing their files. They wanted my originals. (He finds the folder and gives it to Will.) WILL: Can you remember if you put any questions in about spatial reasoning? PROFESSOR: Why would I do that? There's no statistical utility in asking questions maybe one in ten thousand first graders could answer. (Will points to the sheet.) WILL: Well, how would you explain a question like this, then? "How can rainbows be seen? Only when the sun is behind the observer." PROFESSOR: This wasn't in the test I sent to ETS. I designe the questions, I proof the test booklets they print up, and then when they send the final corrected copies, I put them on file. WILL: About how many first graders took this test? PROFESSOR: They administered this in thirty-three states. That's over five million children. (Self-storage building. Jack and Sydney meet.) JACK: Sloane's on his way to Japan. He plans to stay at a Yakuza-run Ryokan, the Nyoshi Ginza. Use the numbers he gave you and contact Sark. Tell him we will hand him Sloane the night before his Alliance meeting. SYDNEY: Tell me you agree with me, that we have no choice in this. JACK: Of course we have a choice, and it's a moment I never wanted you to face. To kill someone. I'm not talking about self-defence, I'm talking about premeditated murder. To be there when the door closes on him for the last time. Knowing you are responsible. That is something you never came close to considering before getting to know your mother. (In Tokyo, women walk on the grounds of where Sloane is staying, dressed in full geisha outfits. Sydney, in her own geisha uniform, walks in.) SYDNEY: I'm on the grounds. (Sark, in a parked car outside, talks to her via transmitter.) SARK: Good. My associate just arrived to meet your father. (In Los Angeles, Jack stands outside the US Naval Medical Center where Vaughn is. A car drives up and the back window comes down.) JACK: Is that the antidote? ASSOCIATE: Yes. However, the briefcase is security coded with a secondary system wired to a remote detonator. JACK: As I expected. ASSOCIATE: Only Mr. Sark has the security code. Until I receive word from him to release the serum, the case remains closed. (Back in Tokyo, a geisha prepares towels for a massage and rub down. Sloane enters wearing a robe. They gesture at the bed. He takes it off and sits down, looking a little depressed. Outside, Sydney walks and comes to the building.) SARK: Good luck, Sydney. SYDNEY: I don't need you to wish me luck, you son of a bitch. SARK: That's a wonderful attitude. (She walks up and nods to a gentleman guarding the outside. He speaks Japanese to her. She answers him, probably telling him that she works there. He asks a question and she flips him over, elbowing him in the face. Someone else comes. She hits him with her fan and he kicks her. She does a back flip and kicks him in the crotch, then in the head. He falls. A geisha rubs Sloane's legs. Sydney walks over a bridge and enters the room. She comes in and speaking Japanese to the geisha, gets her to leave. She's now alone with Sloane. He speaks Japanese to her and she answers. Sydney starts the massage.) SLOANE: Oh... God, I'm tense. Not a big surprise. I saw a man die yesterday. (He turns over to look at her.) SLOANE: Do you understand? (Sydney speaks Japanese, shaking her head.) SLOANE: Yeah. He was in incredible pain, but it was the love he had for his wife that sustained him. (She takes a pin from her wig and pulls the end off with her teeth.) SLOANE: I loved my wife, too. But I had to take action. (Sydney jabs him in the back of the neck with the pin.) SLOANE: No... (He turns over, in pain, and then falls on the bed, unconscious. Sydney runs out and alerts people in Japanese.) SARK: You are so good, do you know that? (on walkie talkie) Send the ambulance. (Sark's paramedics takes Sloane out, wearing a mask on his face. They put him inside their ambulance. Sark walks up to Sydney, who is watching.) SARK: It went well. Look, when I said "Good luck" before, I wasn't mocking you. SYDNEY: Call in for your man to release the serum. SARK: (on phone) Hand over the antidote. The security code is 10-11-92. (In Los Angeles, in the lobby of the medical center, the associate and Jack sit on a bench together. The associate punches in the numbers and opens the briefcase. Jack takes the vial.) JACK: You'll stay here until we've tested it. (He goes inside.) (In Tokyo, Sark climbs in the ambulance with Sloane and his men. Sark looks at Sydney.) SARK: It was nice working with you. (Sydney looks at Sloane on the stretcher. Last chance to stop them. She doesn't. The ambulance drives away.) (Los Angeles. Vaughn is in bed, without the tubes and monitors but still in his hospital gown. He wakes up slowly and looks around, a bit dazed. Jack sits next to his bed.) VAUGHN: What's happening? JACK: You've been asleep for forty hours. VAUGHN: Am I dying? JACK: Almost. Sydney got the antidote. The doctors say your blood levels are looking good. VAUGHN: How did she do it? JACK: She had Sloane killed. (Sydney walks into the SD-6 offices, heading for her desk. She looks in and sees Sloane's empty office. She removes her jacket at her desk and sees someone in the conference room. Sydney walks over, and nearly runs into Sloane.) SLOANE: Sydney. Good morning. SYDNEY: Good morning. SLOANE: You know Mr. Sark. (Standing beside him in a suit, is Sark.) SARK: I don't think we've ever been officially introduced. SLOANE: Mr. Sark is now cooperating with us in our ongoing search for Derevko and the remains of her company. SYDNEY: He's cooperating. SLOANE: This is a strategic alliance, Agent Bristow. Debrief him. Take down everything he knows about Derevko and we'll see and decide about what goes on after that. (Sloane leaves the two of them alone.) SARK: Agent Bristow, working with you-- (Sydney cuts him off, gestures with her head.) SARK: Don't worry. I pulsed the bugs. We can reminisce. SYDNEY: What are you doing here? How? SARK: I took the ambulance to a remote location. And then I revived him. (Flashback to Tokyo and inside the ambulance. Sloane is sitting up.) SARK: Here's the situation. Rambaldi's true aim is a puzzle. I have certain pieces, you have others. We'll never solve his mystery, but together -- together, we cannot fail. SLOANE: How do I know you have anything real to offer? SARK: I can prove myself in two ways. The first is obvious. I intercepted communications indicating that there would be an assassination attempt on your life. Now as this conversation proves, I've prevented that. SLOANE: How do I know you didn't plan the attempt in the first place? SARK: Which brings me to my second piece of information. (He takes out a folded piece of paper from his inside jacket pocket and hands it over. Sloane reads it and looks at Sark.) (Back to the conference room.) SYDNEY: What was on the piece of paper? SARK: I'm afraid that's need-to-know. (Downstairs at the ops center, Vaughn is pushed by someone in his wheelchair. He stops at the start of the hallway.) VAUGHN: I got it from here, thanks. (He gets up and walks down the hallway to Irina's cell.) VAUGHN: You asked me some questions. I told you I'd answer them if you helped me. You did help me and I thank you for that. IRINA: I didn't do it for you. VAUGHN: I'm trying to live a normal life, which was always hard given what I do but it's gotten harder since I met your daughter. It's not that knowing her hasn't made my life better. It has. But it's also made it that much worse. I think I've said enough. IRINA: The problem, Mr. Vaughn, is that to the one person who matters, you haven't said anything. VAUGHN: Listen, this may not mean anything to you. This may not be something you can understand or appreciate, but we have rules. Very clear and important rules that govern the relationship between a handler and his asset. IRINA: And between a man and a woman? (Upstairs, Sydney waits. Vaughn comes up from visiting Irina and sees Sydney. He looks at her. She walks over, smiling.) SYDNEY: Hi. VAUGHN: Hi. (She hugs him, crying.) VAUGHN: Thank you. (They break the hug.) VAUGHN: I heard about Sark. SYDNEY: Sloane actually brought Sark to the Alliance and presented him as their new ally. VAUGHN: How did that go over? SYDNEY: Apparently, Sark was a big hit. And thanks to me, Sloane's standing has never been higher. VAUGHN: I understand you met Alice. SYDNEY: She seems nice. VAUGHN: Yeah, she is. She's a good person. We have a lot of history, we're trying to... You know we broke up. SYDNEY: Yeah, you mentioned that. VAUGHN: Yeah. A couple of months later, we saw each other at a friend's and-- SYDNEY: You don't have to explain. VAUGHN: No, I know, but I want to. If things were the other way around... SYDNEY: Seriously... don't explain. I'll see you tomorrow. (He nods. She walks away. Vaughn watches her as Kendall rushes over.) KENDALL: Jack briefed me. He and Sydney broke protocol but I'm glad it worked out. VAUGHN: Excuse me. (He starts walking to catch up with Sydney. She rounds a corner. Walking faster, Vaughn tries catching up with her. He turns a corner but she's gone. With a little smile on his face, he turns back.)

Sydney races to find a cure for Vaughn, but in order to find the antidote, Sydney must make a deal with Sark that could endanger Sloane's life. Meanwhile, Will continues his research for Vaughn and discovers some disturbing inconsistencies involving 20-year-old standardized IQ tests. Sydney finds out that Vaughn has a girlfriend.

fd_Charmed_02x06

fd_Charmed_02x06_0

[Scene: Somewhere in the bush. Two guys see a cave. One guy is holding a map.] Guy #1: There. That's gotta be it. Guy #2: I don't know. It looks kinda small to be a mine shaft doesn't it? Guy #1: Maybe it was bigger in the 1800's. X marks the spot. Let's check it out. (They walk inside. They see a skeleton on the ground.) Guy #2: Definitely not a good sign. Guy #1: You're such a wimp. (Bats fly past them and scares guy #1.) Guy #2: You were saying? (They see writing on the cave.) Guy #1: Ten bucks say this is where the gold is hidden. Guy #2: Ryan, I think these are all warning signs. Ryan: Stop worrying about it. (Ryan gets out a hammer and chisel and starts chiseling at the rock. The rock cracks and dust blows out of it. It explodes and there stands Tuatha a bad witch with a snake around her neck.) Tuatha: I'm free. What year is this? Ryan: 1999. Tuatha: Two hundred years? My wand. Where is my wand? Ryan: Your what? Tuatha: My wand! Where is it? Guy #2: We don't know what you're talking about. (Tuatha throws magical dust on them and they shrink.) Tuatha: Too bad. Ryan: What the hell just happened? Guy #2: I don't know. She shrunk us. (Tuatha places her snake on a bucket.) Ryan: What do you think she wants? Guy #2: How should I know? (Tuatha starts walking towards them.) Uh-oh. Here she comes. I told you this was too dangerous. Ryan: Fine! But what are we gonna do now? (Tuatha kneels down.) Ryan/Guy: Run! (Tuatha picks them up and feeds them to her snake.) Tuatha: You're welcome. Now, find my wand. (She puts magical dust on it.) [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's on the phone talking to Phoebe.] Prue: Phoebe, we are televising this live. Can't it wait? [Cut to the manor. Phoebe's looking out the living room window.] Phoebe: Prue, Dan's truck just pulled up outside. Prue: Dan's truck? So? Phoebe: So, Piper is with him and they're kissing. And I'm not talking about 'thanks for lunch' peck on the cheek kinda kiss. They mean business. (Phoebe turns away disgusted.) Prue: Okay, what is the problem? They like each other, this is a good thing. Phoebe: No, I know, I'm just worried that she's moving too fast. Like she's too in a hurry to get involved with someone else. [Cut back to Prue. She walks in a room where there's lots of people, cameras, and a table with auction items on it.] Prue: Look, Piper's a big girl and really, I mean, it's none of our business. Right? Right? [Cut back to Phoebe. Piper and Dan are still kissing.] Phoebe: Isn't it sort of our business? Prue: Okay, Phoebe, Piper can not just sit around for the rest of her life waiting for Leo. She's trying to move on. [Cut back to Prue. She picks up a wand off the table.] Prue: Besides, Dan's a great guy. Director: Okay, we're on in five, Miss Halliwell. Prue: Uh, gotta go, okay, bye. (She hangs up.) [Cut back to Phoebe. She looks out the window and see Dan and Piper walking towards the door.] Phoebe: It's about freakin' time. (Leo orbs in.) Oh! Leo, whatever happened to knocking? Leo: I'm sorry, Phoebe, but there's no time. Where's Prue and Piper? We have to talk. Phoebe: Uh, you know, now's not really a good time. Okay, I know, how about you orb back in say an hour. Okay, that would be great, bye, bye. Leo: I can't. The worst thing imaginable just happened. (The door opens and Dan and Piper walk in laughing. They see Leo. Leo looks upset.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Piper and Leo walk in the solarium.] Piper: It's not that it isn't great to see you, Leo, because it is. But you can't just orb in whenever it's convenient. Leo: It's never been a problem before. Piper: Yeah, well, things have changed. Leo: I can see that. Piper: Leo ... Leo: Sorry, wasn't fair. Where's Prue? Piper: At work. Leo: Fine. Then we'll have to start without her and your friend Dan has to leave now. Piper: Oh, really? Why? Leo: Because you and your sisters have a very big problem. A magical problem. Look, this isn't personal, it's business. Piper: What else is new? [Cut to Dan and Phoebe.] Dan: You know, that handyman guy sure does hang around here a lot. Phoebe: Well, it's an old house. Lots of things need fixing. Dan: Then why does Piper look so upset? Phoebe: Because there are some things he can't fix the way she wants it. (Dan looks at his watch.) Dan: You know, I'm late for a job. If you could just have her call me. Phoebe: Oh-oh, oops. (She wipes lipstick off his face.) Lipstick. Dan: Thanks. (He opens the door.) Are Piper and Leo ... ? Phoebe: You're late. (He leaves.) (Piper walks back in the foyer.) Piper: Dan, wait. Well, I wouldn't know where to begin anyway. Phoebe: Everything okay, sweetie? Piper: Oh, no. (Leo walks back in the foyer.) Leo: Come on, we gotta get going. Phoebe: Going? Where are we going? Leo: I'll explain on the way. Piper: No Leo, you'll explain now. We're not going anywhere. Leo: Two hundreds years ago, a good witch turned evil, and started using her craft against innocents. Fortunately she was tricked in a cave and entombed. But unfortunately this morning Tuatha escaped. Phoebe: Tuatha? Who wouldn't go bad with a name like that? Piper: So, you want us to find her and vanquish her. What's the big deal? Leo: The big deal is you can't vanquish her. No witch can. She kills good witches. Piper: Leo, if we can't defeat her, than who can? Leo: There's only one person. He's known as the Chosen One. Phoebe: The Chosen One. Is he a witch? Leo: No, he's a normal person. Other than the fact that he was born to use Tuatha's wand against her. Piper: So, what do you want from us? Why don't you just go get him? Leo: I need you to protect him from Tuatha until the wand comes to him. It shouldn't be long. Look, law has it that once the witch is free, the wand will find him. But is she finds it first ... Phoebe: She'll kill the Chosen One. Leo: And then she'll come after you too. [Scene: Bucklands. Prue's doing her thing on TV. She's talking to a woman about the wand.] Prue: The design of inlaid garnets with pewter and ebony is distinctly eighteenth century European. Woman: Eighteenth century? I had no idea it was that old. Prue: The facet cut amber headpiece surrounded by the symbolic snakes suggested that it was an ornamental staff or a ritual wand. Woman: And I bought it at a flea market for fifteen dollars. Prue: Betty, you will be very pleased to hear that at auction you could easily get five thousand dollars. Betty: Good Lord. (Jack Sheridan walks up to them.) Jack: Of course an item is only worth as much as some is willing to pay for it. Isn't that right? Prue: I'm sorry, who are you? Jack: Jack Sheridan from Sheridan Internet auctions. If you own it, we can sell it. Prue: Oh, okay, how nice for you, but this is my appraisal. Jack: And it's a very impressive one too. But can you guarantee this nice lady that someone will actually pay five thousand dollars for this at auction? Prue: Well, there are no guarantees but ... Director: (quietly) Thirty seconds. Jack: Betty, I'm willing to give you one thousand dollars cash today. Prue: Yeah, well, than you'd be robbing her of four thousand dollars. Jack: But you said yourself you can't guarantee that. Prue: Well, I suppose you just have one thousand dollars cash in your pocket. Jack: Would you like to find out yourself? Prue: No need. I can tell there's not much there just by looking. Jack: Betty, I can have one thousand dollars cash for you this afternoon. What do you say? Betty: I say sold. (She writes her address down on some paper.) Here's my address and I'll see you there this afternoon. Jack: It's a deal. (She hands him the paper and she leaves.) Director: Cut. And that's a wrap. Excellent folks. Very entertaining. Prue: Yeah, for you. Jack: Look, forgive me. I just wanted to be on the same stage as Prue Halliwell. Prue: Why? Jack: Because it gives my start up company instant credibility, that's why. You know, if the other specialists at Bucklands have your expertise and talents, I might reconsider the standing job offer. I turned them down last year. Prue: You wouldn't like it here, Mr. Sheridan. We don't lie or cheat. Jack: But I don't lie. You know what, I better get to the bank. I have a wand to buy. (He starts to leave.) Prue: (to herself) Wanna bet? (She uses her power and the piece of paper flies out of his pocket and Prue catches it.) [Scene: Outside a school. Piper, Phoebe and Leo are walking down the pathway.] Piper: I don't know, an evil witch who gets her jolly's killing good witches? Maybe we should of waited for Prue to get home. Leo: There's no time. Phoebe: Okay, please tell me we're here because the Chosen One is a big burly football coach. Leo: No, but he is the seventh son of the seventh son. We've been watching him since he was a young boy. Piper: Okay, so how old is he now? Leo: See, over there. (Leo points and you see a teenage boy getting picked on.) Piper: He's a high school student? Phoebe: And he's a nerd. Leo: Hey, I didn't choose him, they did. If he can help save your lives, that's all I care about. Piper: Leo, he's a teenager. How can we let him go up against Tuatha? She'll destroy him. Leo: Not if he finds the wand and learns how to use it. Besides, she knows he's the Chosen One. If we don't help him, she'll find him and destroy him anyway. Phoebe: Doesn't sound like we have much of a choice. Piper: This is wrong. He should be battling acne at his age, not evil witches. (You see Kyle doing some magic tricks.) Phoebe: Yeah, but look at us. Do we look like we should be the all powerful Charmed Ones? Piper: What's his name? Leo: Kyle. Kyle Gwydien. Phoebe: Does he know yet? Leo: No. Piper: Any idea on how we're suppose to get him to come with us? Phoebe: I have an idea. He likes magic, right? Let's show him ours. (Kyle starts walking down the footpath. Piper and Phoebe go up to him.) Phoebe: Hey, it's Kyle, right? Kyle: Do I know you? Phoebe: Not yet, but you will. You'll know the both of us. Kyle: I think you might have me confused with somebody else. Piper: Nope, you're the one. Phoebe: The Chosen One. Piper: That was real subtle. Phoebe: You heard what Leo said, clocks are ticking. Hey, Kyle, do you believe in magic? Real magic? Kyle: I gotta go. (He walks off.) Phoebe: Piper, we have to show him before someone sees. Piper: Kyle. (He turns around and Piper freezes him.) Now what? Phoebe: You wait here. (Phoebe stands behind him. He unfreezes and looks around for Phoebe.) Behind you. Kyle: How'd you do that? Phoebe: Magic. Wanna know more? [Scene: Betty's house. She places some cups of tea on a table. Tuatha's snake appears.] Betty: Oh! Oh! Help me! Somebody! (She picks up the wand.) Help me! (Tuatha appears.) Tuatha: (to the snake) Well done. (to Betty) That's my wand. (The wand flies over to Tuatha. The amber at the top of the wand starts glowing.) Betty: My God, who are you? Tuatha: The last being you will ever see. (Betty screams.) [Cut to the hallway. Prue's there. She hears Betty scream.] Prue: Betty. (She uses her power to open the door. You see Tuatha using her wand and Betty disappears. Prue uses her power and Tuatha flies across the room and she drops the wand. Prue picks it up and runs outside. Tuatha stands up.) Tuatha: No, it's alright. We don't have to follow her. (She picks up her snake.) She's a good witch. She'll come back to us. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Piper, Phoebe, Leo and Kyle are sitting at a table.] Kyle: So, you're witches? Piper: Right. Kyle: And I'm the Chosen One? Phoebe: Correct. Kyle: And-and-and why exactly am I the Chosen One again? Leo: Because you're the only one who can defeat Tuatha. Piper: Leo, please. Leo: Look, I'm sorry, we don't have a lot of time here. Piper: All the more reason not to freak Kyle out. Kyle: Too late. Phoebe: Look, Kyle, I know that this is a lot for you to take in and your first instinct is probably to resist it. I mean, I know that's how we felt when we first found out we were witches. Piper: Still do sometimes. Phoebe: But we've learned that you can not fight your destiny. It's like fighting who you are, who you're meant to be. Leo: And your destiny is to vanquish the evil witch, Tuatha. Kyle: I bet one of my brothers put you up to this, right? What, sean? No, no, I bet, I bet it was Ian. I'm always the butt of their jokes. Phoebe: Kyle, listen. Kyle: No, you listen. This is a joke. I'm not the Chosen One. I'm no one. You made a mistake. (He starts to leave.) Leo: Kyle, wait. Phoebe: What do we do? What do we do? Piper: Stop him. [Cut to the foyer. Prue enters with the wand.] Prue: (to Kyle) Whoa, who are you? (The wand glows.) It glowed. Leo: That's the wand. It has to be. It recognizes you, Kyle. Prue: Recognizes? What do you mean? Piper: Where did you get that? Prue: From someone I think I should tell you about in private. Phoebe: Someone named Tuatha? Prue: Tuatha? Pheobe: Let Kyle hold the wand. Leo: Go ahead, it won't hurt you. (Prue hands Kyle the wand and it glows.) Prue: Oh! Leo: It found you, just like it's suppose to. Prue: Okay, time out. Attic anyone? (She goes upstairs.) Piper: Kyle, won't you go in the kitchen and help yourself to anything you want. That is if you're staying. Kyle: I'm staying. I don't know for how long though. (Phoebe and Piper go upstairs.) Leo: I'll be right back. [Cut to the attic.] Prue: Leo, he is just a kid. Besides, you haven't seen Tuatha's power. I mean, she made a woman disappear literally. Leo: It's his destiny to defeat Tuatha, Prue. Prue: Then why did I get the wand? Leo: To make sure it got to him. It's part of the law. If you guys were meant to defeat Tuatha there would be a spell in the Book Of Shadows and there isn't. Piper: He's right, we checked. Leo: Which means we need to spend what little time we have teaching Kyle how to use the wand. Prue: Look, Leo, I know that you've never guided us down the wrong path before, but please at least let us try to defeat Tuatha. If we fail, then fine, we'll help you with Kyle. Leo: She'll kill you. Prue: Don't bet on it. Alright, we need to start by finding out where Tuatha is before she finds us. (Phoebe and Prue start walking towards the door.) Piper, are you with us? (Piper stares at Leo.) Piper: Yep. [Cut to the kitchen. Kyle is looking at the wand. Jenny enters.] Jenny: Hey, it's me. Kyle: Hi. Jenny: Who are you? Kyle: Apparently I'm the Chosen One. Jenny: I haven't seen you around before. What's you name? Kyle: Kyle. Jenny: Jenny. You a friend of theirs? Kyle: No, no, I'm just helping them out with something. Maybe ... I don't know. Jenny: Well, what's that? Kyle: It's magic. Jenny: I don't believe in magic. Kyle: You kidding? Everybody believes in magic. Jenny: Not me. (Kyle puts the wand on the tip of his finger and it starts spinning around.) That is so cool. How are you doing that? Kyle: I have no idea. (Leo enters.) Leo: What the hell do you think you're doing? (Kyle stops it from spinning.) Kyle: I-I was just ... Leo: Telling your friend goodbye. Jenny: Fine, I can take a hint. Just tell Piper that my Uncle Dan needs to talk to her okay. Kyle: Sure. Jenny: Bye. Leo: Bye. (She leaves.) So, you still think you're not the Chosen One? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Cave. Tuatha moves a rock and a book is there. She picks it up.] Tuatha: There you are. (She opens it up and you can see spells written in it. She turns to a spell.) "To disempower a witch." Fresh, human heart. [Scene: Manor. Attic. Prue, Piper and Phoebe has found a spell in the Book Of Shadows.] Phoebe: Here it is. A scrying spell. Piper: Scrying? What's that? Phoebe: It's what witches use to magically find something or someone. It says that we need a map, a piece of string and a crystal. Okay. [Scene: In the bush. A guy is walking along talking to a camera.] Guy: Day three. I'm definitely lost in the woods. Separated from the other two. Running out of food, water, a little scared. (He sees Tuatha.) Tuatha: Sorry, did I scare you? Guy: Oh, yeah, you did. Tuatha: Are you lost? Guy: Yeah, totally. Just walking around in circles. A couple of friends and me were making a documentary on the Blair Witch. (Tuatha stands closer to him and throws some magical dust on his chest. She reaches in his chest and grabs his heart.) Tuatha: Did you know it takes fifteen to twenty seconds for a person to die after their heart has been damaged? And since that time is almost up, from the bottom of my heart I thank you. (The guy falls to the ground and Tuatha walks off holding his heart.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is holding the crystal above a map. The crystal moves to a place on the map.] Phoebe: Okay, we found her. Lost caves, Mura woods. [Cut to downstairs. Kyle is trying to make the wand spin on his finger again.] Kyle: Yeah, I can't make it do it again. Leo: You did it before. Kyle: I don't know how. I mean, I was just trying to impress Jenny, that's all. Leo: Well, that's how. It came from your heart, from inside of you. You willed it. Kyle: So what? So, I'm supposed to will some evil witch dead? Why me? You know, I don't understand, out of all people. Leo: Don't sell yourself short, Kyle. You saw what you did before. Now, that was you. All you have to do is believe in yourself. Now try it again. (Prue, Piper and Phoebe walk in.) Phoebe: Leo, we found her. Prue: So, we're gonna go pay her a little visit. Leo: No, wait don't. please. Piper: It's nothing personal, Leo. It's just business. (They walk to the door. Prue opens it and there stands Jack.) Prue: You. Jack: Ah, thrilled to see me, I see. You know, this is a really nice house, Prue. Bucklands obviously pays better than I thought. Prue: What do you want and how did you find me? Jack: I followed your scent. That musk. The Cartier, right? Now, that is a classy perfume, though I'm hardly surprised. Can I have my wand back please? See, Betty never called and I couldn't contact her because her address mysteriously fell out of my pocket somehow. You wouldn't know anything about that would you? Prue: You're blaming me for something that you lost? Isn't that a little juvenile? I mean what's next? A shoving match under the jungle gym or war over juice cups? Piper: Prue, we really need to get going. Jack: The wand is mine, Prue, and you know it. All is fair in love and war. (Dan appears behind Jack.) Dan: Piper? Piper: Hi, Dan. (Leo walks in the foyer.) Leo: Piper, wait. Dan: Is he still here? Leo: Never left actually. Jack: Prue, I'm kind of in a hurry here, so if I could just get my wand. Phoebe: You know what? Dan, Piper will call you back later, you, whoever you are, sorry no wand, Leo, keep working with Kyle just in case, us, out the back door, out the back door. (They go out the back door.) Dan: (to Leo) Don't you have some other house to repair? Leo: No. [Scene: In the bush. Prue, Piper and Phoebe ar there.] Phoebe: We should be getting close. Hey, there it is. (They walk up to the cave.) Piper: Kinda creepy in there and dark. Prue: Alright, I'll go in first since she only knows about me. You guys just wait a couple of seconds then follow. (Prue walks inside the cave.) [Cut to inside the cave. Bats fly past her and scares her. She then sees the skeleton.] Prue: (whispering) Okay, okay, okay, okay. (She sees bones and a heart sitting on a rock. Tuatha stands behind her.) Tuatha: Thank you for not keeping me waiting long. (Prue turns around.) Prue: How did you know that Tuatha: You witches are always so predictable. (Prue tries to use her power but it doesn't work.) Like I said, I cast a spell to remove your powers. Obviously you didn't count on that, witch. (Piper and Phoebe walk in the cave.) Phoebe: And obviously you didn't count on her sister witches. (Tuatha throws a small bomb-like thing near them and they fall to the ground. Prue runs over to them.) Prue: Are you guys okay? Tuatha: Three witches. I'll be ready for that next time. (She disappears.) Phoebe: Cool. (Prue and Piper look at her.) Well, it was. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Kyle is trying to work the wand.) Leo: Both hands. Alright, you have to use both hands. Kyle: But I didn't need both hands when I made it spin before. Leo: Well, you'll need both hands against Tuatha. If she gets the wand from you, she becomes invincible and you will not be able to vanquish her. Now, just do as I say. Pretend I'm evil, alright, you connect to your destiny by connecting to yourself. Will me away. (He tries to but nothing happens.) Kyle: Look, give it up, Obe One, alright, you got the wrong guy. Leo: No, I don't. Alright, you are not just the seventh son, you are the seventh generation of chosen ones. It's in your blood, you just have to believe. Kyle: Believe in what? Myself? Forget it. Leo: Innocent people are going to die, are you wiling to live with that? Kyle: No, no, don't you lay that crap on me. Leo: Oh, does that make you mad? Good. At least that means finally you're being a real you. Kyle: Screw you. Leo: That's right, get pissed at me. Show me your anger. Maybe you'll figure out what you're really angry about, huh. (He throws him the wand.) You don't think you're the chosen one, you think you're the forgotten one. Sick and tired of it too aren't you. Well, aren't you? (Kyle gets mad, the wand glows and Leo flies through the glass window.) Kyle: Leo? (Leo orbs in behind him.) Leo: Not bad. (Prue, Piper and Phoebe run in.) Phoebe: What was that crash? What happened in here? Leo: A little training, that's all. Prue: That's all? Do you have any idea how much that's gonna cost to fix? Piper: Well, I know who's gonna be fixing it. Leo, what if somebody saw you? Leo: Someone like neighbour Dan? Hey, you're bleeding. (You see a cut on Piper's forehead.) Piper: It's nothing. Kyle: So, did you guys kick some butt or what? Phoebe: Or what. Prue: Tuatha was ready for us, or at least for me. She stripped away my power. Piper: And then literally disappeared before I had the chance to freeze her. And it's a good thing she wasn't expecting all three of us otherwise we wouldn't have gotten out of there. Leo: You're lucky you did. Now, will you help me with Kyle? Prue: Why are you so ready to send a teenager up against an evil that we can't even defeat? Leo: Because he can. At least he can with the wand. And he's getting better at it too. Kyle: Uh-uh. I'm outta here. Leo: Kyle, wait. Kyle: No, what the hell is the matter with you? They're even scared of her. I told you, you have made a huge mistake. I can't do this. (He throws the wand on the couch and leaves.) Piper: Leo, you can't make him. Even if it is his destiny. Phoebe: I hope he doesn't tell anyone we're witches. Prue: Won't matter much if we're dead. Okay, nobody knows the Book of Shadows better than you. So, if black magic can strip away powers, then surely white magic can do the same, right? (Phoebe nods.) Let's go. [Scene: In the bush. A girl and a guy is there.] Heather: Joshua? Michael: I'm telling you Hez, he's dead. Heather: He's not dead, Michael. Joshua! (Tuatha appears.) Tuatha: Looking for the Blair witch? (They scream.) [Scene: Later on in the cave, Tuatha is saying a spell.] Tuatha: "Before the passing of this hour, take away all of their powers." (She puts some magical dust on her snake.) Find my wand. [Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper's dabbing her cut on her forehead with a wet towel. Leo comes in.] Leo: Want me to heal that for you? Piper: I'm fine. Leo: Come on. Piper: No. It's gets all confusing when we're close and when you touch me. I don't wanna be confused anymore. Leo: Hey. Piper: Look, Leo, you just do your job and I'll do mine, okay. Leo: This is my job, Piper. (He heals Piper's cut.) Piper: Thanks. Leo: He'll never understand you, you know. Your secret, what you're all about. Not like I can. Piper: Maybe not, but at least I can count on him being there when I need him. [Scene: The street. Kyle is walking along the pathway. Dan's car drives past.] Jenny: Kyle! Uncle Dan, stop. Dan: Who's he? Jenny: Just some friend of Pipers. He's cool. I'll be home soon. Dan: Soon when? Jenny: An hour. Dan: It's a school night. Jenny: Half and hour. (She gets out of the car.) Hey, where you going? Kyle: Just outta here. Jenny: Where's your magic wand? Kyle: It's not mine. It never was. Jenny: Sure could of fooled me. Are you okay? Kyle: How long have you known the Halliwells? Jenny: A couple of months. Why? Kyle: They have this screwed up idea that I'm that I'm somebody I'm not. Never mind, it-it doesn't matter. Jenny: Phoebe once told me that if it matters to you it matters. If they think you're something Kyle, than you probably are. Kyle: Thanks. [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper's there. Tuatha's snake appears. Prue and Phoebe walk in.] Piper: Any luck? Phoebe: Well, I did find one spell but it requires a human heart and unfortunately we're still using ours. Piper: Well, take mine. All it does is get me in trouble anyway. (Leo comes in.) Leo: Snake! Piper: Oh, I'm the snake, but you're the one who Leo: Snake! (Piper sees the snake and runs over to the other side of the room. Prue gets a fireplace tool and cuts it in half. The two halves then turn into two snakes.) Piper: Look out. Prue: Oh, oh, Piper, freeze them. Piper: I'm trying, it's not working. Prue Phoebe: Prue [Cut to outside. Kyle is at the doorway.] Piper's voice: Prue, what should we do? (Kyle hears her and he runs inside.) Phoebe: Kyle. Piper: Leo, do something. (Leo grabs the wand and throws it to Kyle.) Leo: Kyle, catch. Kyle: Die! (The snakes disappear.) Prue: Thanks. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Dining room. There are potions on the table.] Phoebe: Okay, this is the potion to induce sleep, this one is to repel an evil threat and that one puts out a fire Prue: What kind of potion does that? Phoebe: That's water. I didn't have a lot of time, it was the best I could do, okay. Piper: But what about the potion to give Kyle more courage? Phoebe I remembered wrong. There isn't one. Piper: Well that's disappointing. Phoebe: You guys. I'm scared. And not just for him but for us. I don't like feeling so powerless. Piper: Maybe that's our lesson for the day. Not taking our powers for granted. Prue: But if we're gonna get our powers back, then we're gonna have to help Kyle defeat Tuatha. And we're just gonna have to find a way to make Kyle feel more courageous without magic, that's all. (She picks up the bottle that has water in it.) Come on. (They walk in the living room.) How's it going? Leo: Good. I think he's ready. Kyle: I'm ready. I'm as ready as I can be. You know, it's funny, uh, I always wanted to be somebody special. You should be careful what you wish for. Piper: Believe me, we can relate. (Tuatha appears.) Prue: Phoebe, the sleeping potion. (Phoebe throws a bottle at her feet. She does a fake yawn.) Tuatha: So young, so new to the craft. Now, this is a sleeping potion. (She throws something at Phoebe's feet and Phoebe falls to the ground. Leo goes over to Phoebe and he falls asleep too. She then throws something at Prue and Piper and their feet turn to water.) Piper: Hey, what the ? Tuatha: Now, the wand if you please. (The wand floats through the air to Tuatha.) Not much of a chosen one are you? At least the last one was able to entomb me. And I will now entomb you. Piper: Prue, the courage potion. (Prue throws the bottle of water at Kyle's feet.) Tuatha: What? There is no courage potion. Prue: No? Now look who's teaching who. Kyle, get the wand, you can do it. Kyle: I wish for the wand. (The wand starts floating to Kyle.) Tuatha: My wand! (The wand stops and starts floating back to her. It hovers in the middle as they try to get the wand to go to them.) Piper: Don't give up Kyle. Believe. (The wand finally floats over to Kyle.) Kyle: I wish you gone forever. Tuatha: Noooo! (Tuatha disappears.) Piper: Leo. (She walks over to him and helps him up in the chair.) You're hurt. Leo: I'm okay. (Phoebe, still asleep on the floor, makes some little noises and rolls over.) Piper: Let me get you some ice. Leo: Really, I'm fine. Piper: Are you getting even? Leo: Just finally getting it. What you deserve. A normal life or at least a normal life as you can get, which means a normal relationship, which I can't give you. I guess we know now why witches and white lighters aren't supposed to fall in love, huh. (He orbs out. Prue walks up to Kyle. He's looking at the wand.) Kyle: It's broken. Prue: It served its purpose. Kyle: Yeah. Thanks to your magical boost of courage. Prue: Kyle. Tuatha was right. There was no courage potion. We made it up. You defeated her all by yourself. Kyle: Well, still it doesn't change anything. No one would believe me even if I told them what I did. Prue: Yeah, but you know what you did. And as long as you keep believing in that, you can change what ever you want. Who knows what you're still destined for. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: P3. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are walking down the stairs.] Piper: What are you going to tell him about what happened to the poor lady who owned the wand? Prue: Well, what can I tell him? Look, I called him because I just wanna get rid of this thing, that's all. Phoebe: Are you sure it's just not an excuse to see him again? Prue: Phoebe, don't be ridiculous. This is business, it's not personal. Phoebe: Where have I heard that before? Piper: Oh, gotta date, gotta go. Phoebe: Well, for what it's worth, I think Jack is pretty cute. Prue: Yeah, well, he's a jerk. How do I look? Phoebe: Fab. Prue: Thanks. (She walks over to Jack who's at the bar.) Hey, um, I just thought that you might want to have this back. I mean, after all it is rightfully yours. (She gives him the wand and starts to leave.) Jack: Uh, hold it. What's wrong with this picture? Prue: Look's like it broke. Jack: Keen eye, Prue. It kinda lowers the value of the wand, don't you think? Prue: Bright side. At least it's worth what you were going to buy it for now. Jack: Come on. Have a drink. You can brag to me how you out-smarted me with the wand. I do like to learn from the best. Prue: Okay, I'll brag a little. (She sits down.) Jack: Bartender. [Cut to Piper. Dan walks up to her.] Piper: Hi. Dan: Hi. After you.(Piper sits down and then Dan does.) Piper: Thanks for coming. I hope late, late dinner is okay with you. Dan: Look, I'm gonna make this easier for you. I know that you and that handyman, Leon Piper: Leo. Dan: Right, Leo. I know you guys were more than just friends. I'm not dumb. I mean, he's always around the house. Piper: Dan, it's over. (Dan looks upset.) Oh, no, I don't mean you and me, I meant him and me. That's why I wanted to see you tonight. I didn't want there to be anymore confusion. Dan: Are you sure? Piper: Yeah, I'm sure. (They kiss.)

A trio of film students are the victims of a heart-stealing evil witch, Tuatha, who escapes from over two hundred years of entombment, hunting for her wand. Leo returns to help get the wand into the hands of the only person who can use the wand for good, the Chosen One, and bumps into Piper who has a new love interest: Dan. Trying to put the awkwardness aside, Leo, Piper, and Phoebe find the Chosen One, who turns out to be a reluctant teenager named Kyle, while Prue stumbles across the wand. Ignoring Leo's warnings, the sisters attempt to find and defeat the witch and barely escape with their lives. Protected only by a fake courage potion concocted by Prue, Kyle saves the day, destroying the evil witch by using the wand. The victory becomes bittersweet when Leo faces Piper's choice to end their difficult romance and begin a new one with Dan.

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RIVERCOURT Same scene from the end of 421 LUCAS (voiceover) : Sometimes, it feels like it was yesterday... graduating high school, saying goodbye. That feeling that you get at 17 or 18 that nobody in the history of the world has ever been this close, has ever loved this fiercely or laughed as hard or cared as much. BROOKE : Okay. We're not gonna do this. We're not gonna get sad. Nothing's gonna change now. We'll all be friends forever. I know it. LUCAS : Look, in four years, we're gonna be right back here. You know, done with college or wherever we go. Right? HALEY : Yeah. LUCAS (voiceover): Sometimes, it feels like it was yesterday, and sometimes, it feels like someone else's memory. RIVERCOURT, FOUR YEARS LATER Lucas is alone on the court looking at the names still visible on the floor. EXTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Jamie is playing with a small basketball, Nathan is watching from afar. Haley arrives NATHAN : Where did he get the hoop? HALEY : His uncle Lucas gave it to him. NATHAN : I don't want him playing. HALEY : Nathan, he's 4 years old. All he wants to do is be like his dad. Why don't you go out there and show him... NATHAN : I said I don't want him playing. HALEY : Jamie, come on, sweetie. Mama's got to go to work. NEW YORK, INTERIOR CLOTHE'S OVER BROS Brooke's walking with her assistant, Millicent TELEPHONE OPERATOR : Good morning, Clothes Over Bro's. Please hold. Good morning, Clothes Over Bro's. Please hold. BROOKE : Can you call Prime and make a dinner reservation, please? Make sure I get the table in the wine room. Any night next week will do. MILLICENT : Um, you're booked every night next week. BROOKE : Okay, then the week after. This looks great. Can we make this about a quarter-inch wider? Great. And we've got to send something funny with a card to Conan O'Brien. Cheese. He likes cheese. MILLICENT : You want me to send Conan O'Brien cheese? Manchego. No, send gouda. Gouda's a funnier cheese, and don't forget to remind me about the conference call with Macy's. (Brooke suddenly looks at the draft of her magazine) Guys. Absolutely not. There is no way she gets on the cover of my magazine unless she gains 10 pounds, minimum. She looks unhealthy. EMPLOYEE : We were just brainstorming. BROOKE : Brainstorm better. Anorexia is a disease. It is not a fashion statement. What do I smell? MILLICENT : Um, it's your coffee. Mocha double latte, extra foam. BROOKE : Is there foam? Last time there was no foam. I like foam. MILLICENT : Extra foam. BROOKE : Okay. What time is the premiere? MILLICENT : 8:00, red carpet at 6:00. BROOKE : All right, I'm gonna do the red carpet and then skip the movie. Let's call one of the Nicks and find out if they'd like to go. MILLICENT : Okay, which Knick do you prefer? There's Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford... Oh, David Lee is really cute. BROOKE : Not the New York Knicks, you goof. The Nicks... Nick Lachey, Nick Zano, Nick Reid. Whoever. And tell Victoria to wait for me in the limo. MILLICENT : She's not gonna like that. BROOKE : Well, she works for me. LOS ANGELES, INTERIOR PEYTON'S OFFICE Peyton is sitting at a desk... JOHN : Oh, I must have the wrong office. No, that's me... John Knight, label president. Last I knew, you were Peyton Sawyer, assistant to the assistant of the label president, and your desk was... where is your desk? PEYTON : I'm sorry, I was just arranging your trades and delivering the online download report, updating your call sheet, and admiring your view. Also, Mr. Knight, I have a couple unsigned bands that I would really love for you to hear. JOHN : Peyton, I'm losing my hair, I'm hung over, I have two different alimony payments due and seven lines ringing. PEYTON : Of course. (Peyton starts leaving) JOHN : Sawyer? PEYTON : Yes. JOHN : You look good. Drop a button on that top and I'll let you sit in on the morning new-music session. One button, one song. And get me some aspirin. CLASSROOM AT TREE HILL HIGH Jamie is drawing, Haley is at her desk, Lucas comes in. LUCAS : Man, they do grow up fast. JAMIE : Uncle Lucas! LUCAS : J. Luke! Hey. You in high school already? JAMIE : No, I'm only 4. LUCAS : Hmm, 4 going on 40. What you drawing? JAMIE : You can't see it. It's not done. LUCAS : Yeah, trust me, I understand that one. HALEY : I take it the writing's not going very well? LUCAS : The writing... is not going at all. How about you? How was the last day of student teaching? HALEY : Great. Just trying not to freak out about next week when it's just me. LUCAS : You're gonna be great, Hales. Did you get a nanny yet? HALEY : No, not yet. LUCAS : Well, you know, you can't babysit him forever, Hales. And by him, I mean Nathan, not Jamie. HALEY : Well, it's only been four months, so... INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is watching tv. SPORTS ANNOUNCER : Seattle is on the clock right now. We'll get to the commissioner coming up in regards to their pick. They going big? They going small? It's been unpredictable so far. Here's the commissioner. With the 10th pick in the NBA Draft, the Seattle sonics select... FLASHBACK, SAME HOUSE, FEW MONTH AGO Haley, Jamie and Nathan, in an empty house JAMIE : We're moving to Seattle, mama! NATHAN : It's gonna be Seattle. My agent just called. He said we got a guarantee... I'm going 10th pick to the Sonics! HALEY : Oh, baby, I'm so proud of you! You have worked so hard for the last four years! You believed in it, and now it's actually happening! Why are we buying a house in Tree Hill if we're moving to Seattle? We should buy a house there. NATHAN : Oh, we're going to. A big one. JAMIE : With a pool? NATHAN : More like a moat and a draw bridge. JAMIE : And a dragon? NATHAN : Yes, and a pet dragon for Jim-jam. Hales, we're gonna have all kinds of houses, but Tree Hill is home. And, besides, this isn't even my salary. This is just shoe-contract money. HALEY : It's money from the shoe, mama! Let's get it! HALEY : Oh, baby, I don't know. NATHAN : The little man's spoken. And he's right. We should get the house, Hales. You know why? HALEY : Why? NATHAN : Because we did it together. We made it happen. And we're gonna have to get used to the fact that this is what life's like when your dreams come true. END OF THE FLASHBACK, INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is still in front of his tv. We see him leaving the room in a wheelchair. BOYS APARTMENT Mouth is doing audition tape, while Junk and Fergie are playing video game. MOUTH : The tar heels land another blue chip prospect, and we've got the scoop. I'm Marvin McFadden... JUNK : Pass it, pass it! Pass the ball! FERGIE : Yeah, he is. He's passing it to my guy. MOUTH : Can you guys keep it down? I'm working on my demo. JUNK : For what? MOUTH : A job. I'm gonna send audition tapes to all the local stations. FERGIE : Sorry, Mouth. Go ahead, man, do your thing. MOUTH : The tar heels land another blue chip prospect, and we've got the scoop. I'm Marvin McFadden... JUNK : No, no, no, no, no, no! FERGIE : That's how you go down the lane! JUNK AND FERGIE : Sorry. Sorry. MOUTH : The tar heels land another blue chip prospect, and we've got the scoop. (the microwave sound) FERGIE : Pizza! JUNK : I'll pause it. MOUTH : Junk and Fergie play video games, drink beer, and eat pizza. I'm Mouth McFadden, and I'm still unemployed. INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM Lucas is playing when Skills walks in. SKILLS : So, six months ago when they asked us to fix this mess, what the hell were we thinking saying yes? LUCAS : Well, well, well, if it isn't Skills Taylor, new assistant head coach of the Tree Hill Ravens. SKILLS : Hey, if you could afford me... So, how great is this, huh? Lucas Scott, head coach. Local boy makes good. LUCAS : Local boys made good. You're a big part of this, Skills. SKILLS : I hope so. Man, we blew this place up. Hey, how many games they won since we hung that state championship banner? LUCAS : Not many. But I do know one thing... losing's over. SKILLS : Oh, no doubt. LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S OFFICE Meeting for their morning new music session. Peyton is there. EMPLOYEE : She's got a hit TV show. Great potential for crossover marketing and promo. JOHN : But the songs are terrible. EMPLOYEE : John, she's young, she's hot, and her social life's a train wreck. We could ship this thing platinum. PEYTON : Um, I have a band. JOHN : Well, why not? It can't get any worse. PEYTON : Okay, well, they're called Low Versus Diamond, they've already built a strong internet following, and the songs are great. (all listen to the music, John stops it) JOHN : We'll go with the actress... All right? (John leaves the meeting) EMPLOYEE (to Peyton) : Why don't you go get us some lunch menus? INTERIOR NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is looking at sport shoes in their box FLASHBACK, IN A BAR Lucas, Nathan and Haley are at a bar with some other guys. One of them is presenting the same shoe Nathan was looking at. BARRY : Ladies and gentlemen, the N.S. 23. (applause) NATHAN : Let's see it. Barry, thank you so much. HALEY : Baby, it's awesome. I have to go relieve the sitter. But you guys should stay and celebrate. It's the night before the Draft. NATHAN : You sure? HALEY : Yeah. Thank you guys! No driving tonight, okay? Take the limo and get the car tomorrow. NATHAN : I promise. HALEY : Okay. LUCAS : Hook it up. NATHAN : Check it out. END OF THE FLASHBACK Nathan is still watching the shoe. LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is working at his desk, writing. LUCAS : "And like the River Court signatures of their younger selves, weathered now, faded. So, too, were they." (Lucas stops and deletes everything he just wrote) LUCAS (writing) : "I... suck." (an instant message pop up. It's Lindsey. They start a video chat) LINDSEY : Tell me you are writing the best pages of your life. LUCAS : Well, hi to you, too. LINDSEY : If not the best pages of your life, at least a bunch of okay pages? LUCAS : I've written a few sentences... LINDSEY : ah... LUCAS : And deleted them because they sucked. LINDSEY : Luke, this is serious. I can't be your editor if I don't have anything to edit. My butt is on the line here. Tell me you have something, anything. (Lucas starts moving his screen) LUCAS : Lindsey? LINDSEY : Luke? LUCAS : I don't know. You know, I think it's an earthquake. LINDSEY : Lucas Scott! (Lucas closes his laptop) NEW YORK, AT THE MOVIE'S PREMIERE Brooke is leaving the premiere with a guy . There are paparazzi everywhere. They jump in the limo. BROOKE : Somebody needs to do something about the paparazzi. They're totally out of control. VICTORIA : We pay them a lot of money to talk about the brand. I hope you were nice. BROOKE : I was nice. VICTORIA : Nick, did you enjoy yourself? NICK : I did. I thought the movie was... VICTORIA : Driver, can you pull over, please? I'm sorry, darling. You were saying? NICK : Nothing. I liked the movie. (the limo stops) VICTORIA : Thank you very much, and enjoy the rest of your evening. NICK : Right. Okay. I just thought that maybe... (Nick leaves the limo) VICTORIA : Yes, we know what you thought, Nick. You thought you'd have your way with my designer. A little fondling, a little tongue-kissing, something a little dirty but not too freaky. NICK : No, I just thought that... VICTORIA : It's Clothes Over Bro's, Nick. We want the tabloids to think that she's sleeping with you. She's not actually sleeping with you. We're all set. NICK : Call me! (Victoria closes the door) NICK : Taxi! BROOKE : You are unbelievably rude. VICTORIA : Well, it's been a long day. But tomorrow's even longer. You have a 9:00 a.m. interview about taking the company public. I'll be there for the finer points. You just need to look beautiful and talk about your passion and your creativity and blah, blah, blah. And I've made a change to the model lineup due to the additional scrutiny from the press. BROOKE : Oh, but you forgot... VICTORIA : She's not on the list. BROOKE : She's my friend. VICTORIA : She's not your friend. She's an employee. BROOKE : I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. VICTORIA : Brooke, Clothes Over Bro's is a multimillion dollar company. A company that you've entrusted to me to make executive decisions like these. We have to cut her loose. BROOKE : You're gonna fire her? VICTORIA : No, I'm not gonna fire her. You're gonna fire her. It's your company, my dear. I just work here. NEW YORK, BROOKE'S APARTMENT Brooke is dining alone. She call someone. BROOKE : Hey, it's me. It's not gonna work out for the fashion show. No, it's actually not gonna work out at all. I'm gonna have to let you go. It's nothing personal. It's just business. I got to go. [SCENE_BREAK] NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Lucas walks in Jamie's bedroom LUCAS : Postcard for Jamie Scott! JAMIE : Another one? LUCAS : Yeah, man. JAMIE : Where are they now? LUCAS : Well, aunt Karen and cousin Lily are in Ireland. Now, that's right across the Irish sea from England. You remember where England is? JAMIE : The one with the clock! LUCAS : You are a genius. Are you sure you're not my kid? All right. JAMIE : You think we'll ever see them again? LUCAS : Oh, yeah, of course we will, man. So, listen. I'm gonna go talk to your dad, and then we'll go, okay? JAMIE : Okay. LUCAS : All right. Downstairs, Nathan is trying to grab a bottle of alcohol with a trophy when Lucas arrives NATHAN : Haley keeps the alcohol out of reach. At least, she tries. LUCAS : It's a little early, don't you think? So, how's physical therapy going? NATHAN : How's your second book coming? LUCAS : Ouch. So, you know, Haley told me that the doctors say you'll be up on your feet any day now. Pretty lucky, Nate. NATHAN : Oh, yeah, that's me. Mr. Lucky. LUCAS : I'm just saying you'll be back to normal in no time. NATHAN : Luke, I'm never gonna play basketball again. That's not exactly normal, okay? (Lucas take the bottle from Nathan hands) Luke! Luke, damn it! Don't be a dick, all right? LUCAS : You want it? Walk over here and get it. NATHAN : Why don't I walk over there and kick your ass, huh? LUCAS : Kicking. Kicking's good. Let's see it. NATHAN : Give me that bottle right now, or Dan's not gonna be the only Scott to kill his brother. (Jamie walks in) JAMIE : Ready, uncle Lucas? LUCAS : Real nice, Nate. NATHAN : Luke...Just... LUCAS : Come on, Jamie. Let's go. JAMIE : Bye, daddy. NATHAN : Bye-bye. RIVERCOURT SKILLS : So, none of you guys know who ate my pizza? JUNK : Nah, man. SKILLS : Amazing. So, my pizza just ate itself. MOUTH : Hey, I was working on my audition reel. SKILLS : Hey, that's good. 'Cause you owe me for the rent. And you two knuckleheads owe me for a pizza. (Lucas arrives with Jamie) SKILLS : There he is! Big Game James. Hey, yo, Big Game. I got something for you. (Skills gives Jamie a jersey) JAMIE : Cool! LUCAS : You want to try it on? All right. Put your arms through, and there we go. JAMIE : It's perfect! FERGIE : Let's see what you got, baller. (Jamie starts to play and Skills drop the ball) JAMIE : Darn it, uncle Skills, you always do that. FERGIE : You ever gonna let him score? SKILLS : Shorty shouldn't be in the paint. He got to learn. JUNK : Dude, he's 4. LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S OFFICE Peyton is at her desk, John arrives JOHN : What do you think, Sawyer? PEYTON : I think you were right about the act we signed today. Her songs blow. So why'd you sign her? JOHN : How long have you been in Los Angeles, Peyton? From... PEYTON : From Tree Hill, North Carolina... Four years. JOHN : Four years. Why'd you come? PEYTON : I wanted to discover and sign bands that could change someone's life, like the bands that changed mine. JOHN : I figured you were one of them. I used to be, too. Then I figured it out. It's called show business for a reason. We're here to make money. PEYTON : Even if the product sucks. JOHN : Especially if the product sucks. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but rock 'n' roll can't actually save the world. PEYTON : See, I disagree. Walk into any club on the strip tonight and just look at the kids, look into their eyes. They're all looking for something to believe in. I think that music can be the thing that changes their world. JOHN : That is why you are still the assistant to the assistant. They're not out there to get their world saved. They had a bad day. They went out to get drunk and get laid. Peyton, you're as smart and as talented as anyone at the label, but you'd be so much further along if you could just accept the business side of what we do and play the game. PEYTON : I'm just not really interested in playing the game. JOHN : You already did. You dropped a button to get into that meeting. Drop a few more, they'll probably give you my job. PEYTON : Well, I will have your job one day, John. Just not that way. JOHN : Have fun in the clubs tonight, assistant to the assistant. BOYS APARTMENT Lucas, Jamie, Skills, Junk and Fergie are playing video game TV GAME : Substitution for the Clippers. Number 23. SKILLS : Down by 2, and it looks like they're bringing in a rookie. Clock running down, time for one last play. LUCAS : All right, Jamie, this is what we're gonna do. When I tell you, I want you to hit the green button. Okay? FERGIE : Don't do it, Jamie. JUNK : Pass it to your pal Junkie. TV GAME : Kid's got the ball clock running down. LUCAS : You're ready ? FERGIE AND JUNK : No, no, no, no! LUCAS : Now SKILLS : Shoot it! FERGIE AND JUNK : No, no, no, no, no! JUNK : Jamie! That's it, you lost the ice cream. (Skills, Lucas and Jamie are celebrating. Lucas grabs Jamie upside down) (Haley come in) HALEY : Hi, upside-down boy. JAMIE : Hey, mama! We won! HALEY : Oh, wow. LUCAS : We were just...Here you go. (Lucas put Jamie down) HALEY : What are you wearing? JAMIE : Uncle Skills gave it to me. HALEY : Wasn't that nice of him, making you look all krunk. Did you say thank you? Okay, go say goodbye to the guys. LUCAS : Look, I kind of gave Nathan some grief today about not being on his feet yet. HALEY : Oh, well, you know, LUCAS : I know he's a little dark right now. You got to push him, Hales. JAMIE : Okay, mom, I'm ready. HALEY : Okay. LUCAS : Whoa, what about me, Jamie? JAMIE : Bye, uncle Lucas. LUCAS : Bye, buddy. I love you. JAMIE : I got to go home now, and anyway, you should be writing. LUCAS : I don't want to hear it. NEW YORK Brooke is on the red carpet JOURNALIST : So, we caught up with Brooke Davis, young, hot designer of Clothes Over Bro's. Now, Brooke, let me ask you this. Do you ever miss just being young? BROOKE : I am young. But acting young. Not being the boss of this huge corporation, but being Brooke Davis, 21-year-old girl? BROOKE : Sure, I miss it. VICTORIA : Thank you. We have to move on. BROOKE : Clothes Over Bro's is my dream come true. This is what I wished for. LOS ANGELES Peyton is walking by a news kiosk which sell Lucas' book. She also sees Brooke on a cover of a magazine. NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Haley comes home with Jamie, Nathan is sleeping on the couch HALEY : Oh, baby, it's awesome. Why don't you go upstairs? I'll be up in a minute, okay? HALEY : I can't. We can't be like this, Nathan. Your son needs you. Please don't become your father. NATHAN : My father is in prison. So am I. HALEY : Well, you can walk out. LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S APARTMENT Peyton comes home, she put on her shelf the magazine with Brooke on the cover and a specimen of Lucas' book. She already has several. Then she put the audio version inside her hi-fi system. LUCAS (audio book) : Chapter three. Peyton Sawyer is destined for greatness. Actually, she's already great, because Peyton Sawyer has a thing called integrity, and nothing or no one is ever going to change that. I remember the first time I met her. (Peyton stops it) NEW YORK, BROOKE'S APARTMENT Brooke comes home ASWERING MACHINE : You have 47 messages... All messages deleted. LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S APARTMENT Peyton calls someone PEYTON : Hi. It's Peyton. Yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's late there, I just... What happened to us, you know? I don't know who I am anymore. Or how I got here. I miss who I used to be. I want to have a home again, you know? And real friends. you know, the kind of friendships we used to believe in. I miss that. And I miss you. I guess I just miss all of it. (Peyton's crying) LYNDSEY'S OFFICE Lucas walks in LINDSEY : No, I have the uncorrected proofs. I need the corrected ones. Okay, I have to go. Thanks. Bye. LUCAS : Hi. LINDSEY : Hi. LUCAS : Look, before you start yelling at me, I'm sorry. I know I've missed my deadline again, and I know you have a lot of people to answer to, and it's not fair to you. LINDSEY : I remember the first time I read it. I was a junior editor, just out of college, missing my friends. I took two dozen manuscripts home for the weekend, just like I did every weekend, hoping that this time, something would speak to me. And it did. It was a great first novel, Luke. It brought you to me. But a writer's career is about a body of work. It's about the second book and the third and the fourth. LUCAS : Lindsey... LINDSEY : It's been two years. And that wouldn't scare me if I thought you were writing, but you're not. So what am I supposed to do, Luke? LUCAS : You could give me a little bit more time because I'm handsome. LINDSEY : Close the door, Luke. (Lucas leaves) NEW YORK, CLOTHE'S OVER BROS Brooke and Victoria are watching the interview of the night before JOURNALIST : Not being the boss of this huge corporation but being Brooke Davis, 21-year-old girl. (Victoria shuts down the tv) VICTORIA : That is not the face of a happy girl who got everything she wished for. BROOKE : A lot of things, but not everything. VICTORIA : Are you counting the trip to Milan? BROOKE : The trip for work. VICTORIA : Come on. Let's see the face of a girl who gets to go to Italy tomorrow to approve the textiles for her fall line. BROOKE : But it's not everything. VICTORIA : No, dear. It is everything. And if you've lost sight of that, you have lost your way, Brooke Davis. Milan, tomorrow. Smile. LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S OFFICE JOHN : Okay. Let's do lunch. Sawyer! What's the name of that sushi place I like? PEYTON : You were wrong yesterday when you said the kids in the clubs were just there for decadence. I think it's more like romance and hope and inspiration and that feeling that you get when other human beings pick up basic instruments and make sense of your world. And the day that I think it's just about making money is gonna be the day that I've betrayed everything I believe in about music and life and myself. JOHN : Was that a sushi place? PEYTON : I quit, John. I'm going home. JOHN : You're making a mistake. PEYTON : No. I'm fixing one. NATHAN AN HALEY'S HOUSE Jamie is watching Nathan sleeping on the couch JAMIE : I think you drink too much. NATHAN : I think you're right. (Haley walks in) HALEY : Jamie, come on. Hey, come on. Let's go. NEW YORK, CLOTHE'S OVER BROS Brooke and Millicent are walking in the office with Brooke's luggage MILLICENT : Okay, your boarding pass and itinerary are in your bag. The car service will pick you up in Milan. If you have any problems, I gave you my home, cell, and parents' house number. BROOKE : Millicent, you are a great assistant, okay? Try and have some fun while I'm gone. You're only young once. NATHAN AN HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is watching tv SPORTS ANNOUNCER : Seattle is on the clock right now in regards to their pick. They going big? They going small? It's been unpredictable so far. Here's the commissioner. ANCHOR : With the 10th pick in the NBA Draft, the Seattle Sonics select... FLASHBACK, IN A BAR Same night as earlier, Lucas and Nathan are still in the bar GREG : Hey, man. Can I get an autograph? NATHAN : Yeah, sure. GREG : Thanks. Yeah, just write, "to Greg, Portland's biggest fan. Seattle sucks, and so do I." NATHAN : "To Greg...enjoy losing to us next year. Your pal, Nathan Scott." There you go, buddy. (Nathan gives the guy the paper and he throws it away. Nathan stand up, angry) NATHAN : You got a problem, man? (Lucas tries to stop Nathan) LUCAS : No, no, no. Walk away. You've got too much to lose here. GREG : Let's see what you got! LUCAS : You got too much to lose here, okay? It's not worth it. NATHAN : Okay (Nathan and Lucas start to leave the bar) GREG : That's it. Listen to your girlfriend. Outside of the bar, Nathan get into his car LUCAS : Come on, Nate. Wait. Look, we shouldn't be driving, all right? I'll get the limo. Come on, Nate. We'll just grab Barry, take the limo. You're not driving. NATHAN : All right. You're right. (Lucas leaves, Nathan get off the car, then he heard Greg shouting inside the bar) GREG : I have witnesses. You all saw it. He hit me. I'm gonna sue that punk. (Nathan goes back to the bar) NATHAN : Hey, man, I never touched you. And if I'd have hit you, you'd be out cold right now. GREG : Too late, Seattle boy. You should have left with that fat-ass wife. (Nathan starts to punch him, and it turn out to a big fight. It ends with Nathan being pushed throw the window. Lucas arrives at the end) LUCAS : Oh, my God. Nate, you all right? NATHAN : I can't feel my legs, man. LUCAS : What? NATHAN : I can't feel my legs! LUCAS : Help! Somebody help! END OF THE FLASHBACK Nathan is still in front of his tv SPORT ANNOUNCER : With the end pick in the NBA draft the Seattle Sonics select Mouhamed Sene from Senegal. JAMIE'S BEDROOM Jamie is drawing, Haley comes in HALEY : Okay, it's time for bed. Come on. JAMIE : Mama, why is daddy so sad? HALEY : It's just a really tough time for daddy right now. But he loves you. You know that, right? JAMIE : Uncle Lucas loves me. RIVERCOURT Peyton is there alone, Lucas arrives PEYTON : Hi. How long's it been? LUCAS : Two years. PEYTON : It's been longer than that. God, Luke, I missed you. (She tries to go in his arms, he steps back) LUCAS : I have someone. I'm with someone. BOYS APARTMENT Skills, Fergie and Junk are sleeping, Mouth is recording his audition tape. MOUTH : Postseason hardball, preseason hoops, and regular season football. I'm Marvin McFadden, and sports is coming up next. FLASHBACK, LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S APARTMENT Same scene as earlier, Peyton's on the phone PEYTON : Hi. It's Peyton. Yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's late there, I just... What happened to us, you know? I don't know who I am anymore. Or how I got here. LUCAS' BEDROOM Lucas is watching a jewel case he has in his drawer when we heard Lindsey's voice LINDSEY : Hey, you. Come to bed. (Lucas joins her) LINDSEY : Hey. Sorry about yesterday. It's just, they only agreed to let me split time here because I promised them I'd get you back on track. LUCAS : I know. It's okay. I still love you. LINDSEY : I love you, too, Lucas Scott. (They kiss) PEYTON (voiceover) : I miss who I used to be. I want to have a home again, you know? I miss that. I miss you. OUTSIDE NATHAN AND HALEY'S HOUSE Nathan is outside, he throws away Jamie's little basketball hoop when Jamie arrives. Jamie starts going back into the house NATHAN : Jamie. (Jamie's comes back and gives his drawing to Nathan) NATHAN : Son... (Nathan walks up a little bit) NATHAN : Daddy's sorry, for everything. Come here. (Nathan takes Jamie in his arms) FLASHBACK, LOS ANGELES, PEYTON'S APARTMENT/ NEW YORK, BROOKE'S APARTMENT Still the same conversation PEYTON : I guess I miss all of it. Does any of that make any sense? (On the other side of the line) BROOKE : That makes all the sense in the world, Peyton. Four years ago, it all seemed so clear, didn't it? Conquer the world, save the world, live happily ever after. PEYTON : Are you happy, Brooke? BROOKE : Sometimes. Not always. Are you? PEYTON : No. BROOKE : Okay. Then let me ask you something. What is gonna make you happy, Peyton? Is it how you look or the car you drive or the people you know? Is it money or celebrity or power or accomplishment? Because I have all those things, and... and I don't think it's enough. PEYTON : Well, then, what is? BROOKE : Love, I think. And that love can be for a boy or a girl or a place or a way of life or even for a family. But where you find it is up to you. So where are you gonna find that love, Peyton? PEYTON : I think I need to go home. BROOKE : Yeah, I was hoping you'd say that. TREE HILL AIRPORT Peyton's there. Brooke arrives PEYTON : I missed you, Brooke Davis. BROOKE : I missed you, P. Sawyer. We're home now. It's gonna be okay. PEYTON : Come on.

It's four years into the future and the Tree Hill gang has finished college. Lucas published a book and is dating his editor Lindsay; Brooke made it big in the fashion industry with her store "Clothes Over Bros"; Peyton's pursuing a career in the music business; Haley and Nathan are in a strained marriage after Nathan's accident, which has left him temporarily paralyzed, and they raise a now older Jamie.[4] This episode is named after a song by Tree Fort Angst .

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[Scene: Capeside High School Cafeteria. Joey and Pacey are sitting next to each other at one of the table holding hands talking.] Pacey: I got it. We check ourselves into the b and b, we use assumed names, Bessie's none the wiser, and we finally get to spend an entire night together for the first time in 2 weeks. What do you say? Joey: There are no vacancies. There's some... Winter arts festival over on Wellfleet. Pacey: Well, what do you think about you and me, the boiler room, right now? Joey: No. Pacey... Pacey: You considered that, didn't you? You did. I saw it in your eyes. You, Josephine potter, actually considered skipping A.P. Bio and engaging in illicit sexual activities with your boyfriend... On school grounds, no less. Naughty girl. Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk. Joey: Well, it is second semester senior year. I guess these grades don't really count for anything. [Drue comes into the cafeteria and grabs a chair and stands up on it.] Drue: Clearing through here. People, coming through. Excuse me. [Sees Joey and Pacey kissing.] Ok, the two of you need to break that up or charge admission. Everyone, everyone, can I have a little attention here, please? A little attention. As most of you know, voting ended yesterday in the hotly contested Capeside high class of 2001 senior polls. And right here, I have, in my hand, fully certified for publication in this year's yearbook, results of said election. Now, uh, I can see that you're all dying of curiosity. But... Before we get to all that "most likely to eke out a miserable and mind-numbing existence on the edge of suburbia" crap, I just thought we'd start with class couple. You know, it's not much of a contest here, folks. Yes, it's those 2 people so in love they make the rest of us want to puke on a daily basis... Joey potter... And Dawson leery. [Opening Credits] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Capeside High hallway. Joey throws Drue up against the wall and grabs the lapels of his jacket, while Pacey sits back and watches.] Drue: Ok. Now, how is this a fair fight? What do you want me to do, hit her back? She's a girl. Joey: Sucks, doesn't it? One of the few cultural advantages of being female. Pacey: Well, you seem to have this situation firmly in hand. I think I'm gonna skedaddle off to class, ok? Joey: Bye. [Pacey leaves the two of them.] Drue: Hey, thanks for your help, pal. Remind me to tell him about the dimpled chads for him and some ms. Jacobs chick. Whoa! Hey. Chill. Have you no sense of humor about this? I mean, personally, I think it's kind of funny that a majority of our classmates still care so much after all this time. I mean, you and Dawson went out for what? About as long as the spice girls were popular? Joey: Please. Majority, my ass, Drue. It's obvious you rigged this thing. Drue: Ok. I see. Uh, did you vote? Joey: Did I vote? No, of course not. Most popular, best-looking. Who cares? Drue: Obviously, you do. Joey: You know what? This isn't a joke. This is my life, ok? And Dawson and I are not a couple. We're not anything resembling a couple. We're just friends. And you know what? It's taken us a long time to get back to that place, and I refuse to let you hurt him or Pacey by dredging up the past. So, I suggest that you fix this [Dawson comes walking up to them.] Drue: Oh, look. It's your friend, Dawson. Dawson: Hey, is this mugging by invitation only? Joey: You want to tell him, or should I? Dawson: About your latest pathetic attempt at a practical joke? I heard. Joey: And? Dawson: Pretty funny, actually. Joey: You think this is funny? Dawson: How could it be anything else? It's so patently absurd. How can we be class couple if we're not even a couple? We're just friends. Drue: That word again. Friends Dawson: He's just trying to get a rise out of us, Jo, and we're late for fifth period. [Drue takes this opportunity to escape from Joey.] Drue: Later, kids. [Scene: The Leery fish house. Gretchen is working behind the bar, while Pacey is sitting at it trying to talk to his sister.] Gretchen: You want me to go drinking with Doug? Pacey: Yeah. Why not? It would be fun, you know? And you don't have to feel like you gotta be home at any specific time just 'cause of me. In fact, you know, you could crash on Doug's couch if you wanted. Gretchen: You know, I'm beginning to see where you're going with this. Pacey: Going? I'm not going anywhere with this. Drinking and driving is a big no-no. And that couch is primo. That thing is goose-down. You'll sleep like a baby. Gretchen: You did it, didn't you? You and Joey. Pacey: What? No. Heh heh heh. I didn't say that. Gretchen: You didn't have to. You did it, and now you want to do it again, which is why you're asking me to stay the night at Doug's and why you've been in such a good mood ever since you got back from the ski trip. Pacey: Yeah. Is there some law that says Pacey can't be in good mood? I just want you and Dougie to reconnect Gretchen: I can't believe I didn't notice this before. You know, there are only 2 things that make a man this happy, and the other one is free beer. Pacey: Oh, god. This is not why I came over here, Gretchen. Gretchen: Oh, come on. I think it's sweet. Pacey: No, I think sweet would probably be doing it and then not telling anyone. Gretchen: Well, if that's the only thing you're worried about, then buck up there, stud, because you didn't tell me. I pried it out of your cold, dead hands. And, uh, you have my solemn word I won't tell anyone. Pacey: Anyone? Gretchen: Anyone. Hey, I used to be a high-school girl, too, you know? And in the spirit of those days, how about I just conveniently fail to come home tonight? Pacey: You'd do that? Gretchen: Sure. And if Doug won't have me, I'll just crash at mom and dad's. Pacey: You sure? Gretchen: Sure. But you owe me, big time. Pacey: I always do, Gretch. You're the best. Gretchen: [Laughs] Freak. [Scene: The Therapist office. Jen is sitting on a couch while Tom is sitting in a chair taking notes during their session.] Tom: So, what makes your relationship with jack so ideal? Jen: I don't know. He, um... He listens to me, we have fun together, and... A-and I feel like I can really trust him. Tom: And if he were straight, you couldn't trust him? Jen: I didn't say that. Tom: What about girls? Jen: What, you mean sleeping with them? Tom: Trusting them. Jen: Oh. Tom: You said before that you find it easier to be friends with guys than with girls. Jen: Right. Um, girls suck. [Laughs] I mean, it's like they get a lobotomy the day they hit puberty. I mean, one day, you're all milling around F.A.O. Schwartz in the rainbow brite section. The next day, somebody gets breasts and... After that, it's all about getting boys to like you, and whoever dies thinnest wins. Tom: Is that what happened to you? You wanted boys to like you? Jen: Teenage sluts aren't born. They're made. That kind of thing? Tom: You said before that you made some bad decisions when you were younger, some decisions you regret... Jen: Yeah. The whole... s*x before the 13th birthday not a good idea. Tom: You told me you were drunk the first time you had s*x. Jen: And the second and the third, but I think we've already been over this. Unless, of course, you would like to share some embarrassing details of your first sexual experience, huh? [He just looks at her.] Oh, come on. Aren't you gonna ask me why that's important to me? Tom: Do you want me to? Jen: No. It's just every time that I ask you a personal question, you always want to know why it's important to me. Tom: Not this time. Jen: Why, is time up or something? Tom: I'm not asking, because I don't have to. I know why it's important to you. I'm much better at this than you think I am. Also, it's time. Jen: Right. Ok, then. Tom: See you Tuesday? Jen: See you Tuesday. [Scene: The Leery Fish House. Gretchen is busily working when Dawson comes into the restaurant, and she turns and hands him something and sees the coffee he is carrying.] Gretchen: There you go. Oh, hey. Dawson: Is that for me? [Takes his coffee] Gretchen: Nope. One of the waitresses flaked, and I'm so not working tonight, but I told them I'd wait until they find someone or until your mom gets here. Dawson: Oh. [Telephone rings] [Gretchen takes Dawson's coffee from his hands and takes a drink.] Gretchen: mmm! What's in here? There's never enough coffee in your coffee. [Takes another sip.] Mmm. [She picks up the phone.] Gretchen: Leery's fresh fish. Oh, hi, gale. Yeah, I know what you mean. Traffic on 95 is always a bitch. Uh, sure. Yeah, I'll tell Bodie. No problem. Ok, have fun. Monday. Bye. [She hangs the phone back up.] That was your mom. Dawson: How is mom? Gretchen: Dawson? Did you forget to tell me something? Something, perhaps, about your parents going out of town this weekend? Dawson: Uh, oh, hey, guess what? My parents are going out of town this weekend. Gretchen: How is it I'm the last person to get this information? Dawson: My mom didn't tell you? Gretchen: Uh, no. Dawson: That's odd. Gretchen: Of course, you never mentioned it, either. Dawson: Ok. Busted. [Laughs] What was I supposed to say? Gretchen: How about "my parents are going out of town this weekend?" Dawson: All right. See, you say it, it sounds like normal conversation. I say it, it sounds like the world's worst come-on. Gretchen: [Laughs] Ok. Well, um, I guess I shouldn't come over later with a couple of videos and some microwave popcorn? Dawson: Well, I didn't say that. [Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's place. Joey is knocking on the door when Pacey opens the door. She starts kissing him and pushes him down onto the couch and jumps on top of him still kissing him.] Pacey: Good god, woman. It's not even nighttime yet. Oh. There's not even a "hello. How are you doing? How was your day after school today, Pacey?" Joey: Hi. [She continues kissing him.] Pacey: Yeah, hi. You know, I don't think I like this turn that our relationship has taken here. You have no respect for my feelings. We never talk anymore... Joey: Pace? Pacey: Hmm? Joey: We spent 9 months talking. We've been doing this for 2 weeks. Pacey: Wait, that still doesn't mean that you get to treat me as a s*x object. Joey: Aww, I can tell you're all broken up about it. Pacey: Yes, I am. Joey: Mm-hmm. [Se finally pushes back from him for a second and looks around.] When's Gretchen coming home? Pacey: Never. Joey: Get serious, Pacey. She lives here. She'll come home eventually. Pacey: Yes, to pick up a couple things, and then... Joey: And then... Pacey: And then she's going to crash somewhere else so that we can have the whole place to ourselves for the entire night. Which is exactly what we wanted, right? It's great. Joey: So, she knows? Pacey: Gretchen? Yeah. She knows, but it wasn't me that told her, you know, she figured it out for herself. Are you mad? Joey: No, I'm not mad. I'm just... I'm a little embarrassed, but it'll pass. Pacey: But this isn't a problem. Right? 'Cause, you know, if this is a problem, I'm pretty much willing to do anything in the universe to make sure that this isn't a problem any more. Joey: It's not a problem. Pacey: Ok. [The hug each other and we can see that it is a problem to her.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Coffee House. Jen and Jack are sitting at a table next to the window, and Jen is staring out it.] Jack: I take it you like this whole therapy thing? Jen: What makes you say that? Jack: You started going 3 times a week. Jen: Oh, yeah, right. Jack: You know, isn't his office around here or something? Jen: Yeah, something-- something like that, yeah. Jack: Yeah. It's possibly right across the street, that building you keep staring at. Jen: What? I'm not--I'm not-- I'm not--I'm not staring. Jack: Yeah, right. Come on, and I wasn't lured here under false pretenses. Jen: What false pretenses? Jack: What--what are you, kidding me? The window seat, the 16 refills... We're stalking your therapist. Jen: We're not stalking anybody. We're sitting. We're having coffee and conversation. We're completely immobile. Jack: Uh-huh. Jen: If dr. Frost should happen to walk out of his anally retentive, Scandinavian-designed office Jack: You might be able to find out something about his personal life. Now, how is that not stalking? Jen: Jack, this guy knows everything about me, I mean, things that I haven't even told you, and I don't know anything about him. I don't know what kind of car he drives, where he lives... For all I know, the guy could be a promise keeper or a Christina Aguilera fan. Jack: And we're gonna find all that out by sitting here in this window? Jen: Well, not exactly. [Tom walks out of his office.] Whoo! Wow, there he is. Jack: So... Jen: So, up you go. Jack: Up I go--no, whoa! No, see, you said we're sitting, ok, we're gonna remain immobile. Jen: Yeah, but... Jack, if we don't follow him how are we gonna find out anything about him? Jack: That's very simple: We're not. Jen: Please, you're my friend. This is exactly what friends do for each other. I've seen it in the movies. Jack: Yeah, on what planet? Come on. Jen: You know, you're always saying I should have a hobby. Jack: Right, right. All right. I think I liked you better as a matchmaking nudge. [Jen drags him out of the coffee house.] [Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's Place. Pacey is on the phone trying to order some pizza for him and Joey.] Pacey: I'd like to order a large pizza, please. [Gretchen comes into the house.] Gretchen: Hi. I'm not really here, I'm just picking up some stuff. Pacey: Uh, large, dude, grande. Hey, how do you say "cheese" in Portuguese? Gretchen: Uh, try fromage. Pacey: Fromage grande. [As Pacey is ordering Joey walks over to Gretchen and quietly talks to him.] Joey: Gretchen, can I talk to you for a second? Gretchen: Yeah. Pacey: That's not it. [He turns and walks towards the kitchen to order.] How about queso? No? Le dairy? [Joey and Gretchen walk into the living room.] Joey: I know that Pacey told you... Well, that you know, and, I was just hoping that you could... Gretchen: I can keep my big, fat mouth shut? Don't look so serious, Joey. Who am I gonna tell? Joey: Well, it's just that certain people have no need to know this information because it would only hurt them, and bring back painful memories, and it's not what I wanted this to be about. Gretchen: You guys are just friends. Joey: We are. We're just not the type of friends who tell each other everything the second it happens, and if he were to hear something like that, you know, something about me, I would want it to be from Gretchen: Joey, I think we're in complete and total agreement here. Joey: We are? Gretchen: Yeah. I am not gonna say anything to Dawson on the subject of you and Pacey. But I gotta warn you-- I mean as a friend and as a vaguely older and wiser sister-type figure-- this kind of information, it's not all that hard to guess. Joey: I know. Gretchen: I mean you look happy, Joey. [Pacey comes into the living room to join them.] Pacey: Uh, so the guy tells me it's gonna be here in 45 minutes, but I have no idea what's gonna be on it. It could be dried insects for all I know. Joey: Great. Gretchen: Ok, I am out of here. Pacey: All right, then. Hi and bye. Where are you going, anyway? Gretchen: Dawson's. See ya. [Scene: The book store. Jen and Jack are there spying on Tom who is browsing through the books.] Jen: Ok. There he is. Just don't look up. Look down. Jack: One of us has to look up, Jen. Otherwise it defeats the purpose of this whole stalking thing. Jen: All right, you look up. Jack: Ok. Jen: What's he doing? Jack: Uh, well, he's in a bookstore. He's looking at books. Jen: Uh-huh. What's he looking at? Jack: At the moment, looks like interview with the vampire. So, he's, uh, he's obviously gay. Can we go now? Jen: No. Wait a minute. What do you mean, "obviously gay"? Straight people read Anne rice. Jack: Well, hello? You party all night with eternal youth and a great wardrobe. What other segment of the population does that appeal to? Jen: Huh? How did you manage to surpass me in the knowledge of all things gay? Jack: s*x and the city. [He sees Tom start to walk away.] He's moving. Jen: Which way? Jack: Uh, he's going... He's going that way, so go this way. No, no! [They turn the corner and run right into Tom.] Jen: Oh! Jeez! Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. Tom: Oh, no problem. Jen: Hi...It's so... This is my friend Jack. Jack, this is-- this is my th Tom: Friend. Tom frost. Jack: How are you? Jen: Just browsing for books. Tom: Well, they seem to have those here. Jen: Hmm. Any recommendations? Tom: In poetry? Jen: What? Tom: That's where you're browsing. Jen: In poetry? Right. Yeah, I love poetry. [Tom reaches down and picks up a flyer.] Tom: Well, I'm, uh, quite fond of this person... Jen: Right, Robinson Ellsworth. I love him. Tom: Her. Um, she's reading tomorrow at the arts festival over in Wellfleet. Jen: Wow. Tom: Maybe I'll see you there. Well, take care. Jen: You, too. Jen: I do like poetry. [Jack laughs at her] Where the sidewalk ends. Jack: Yeah, right. [Scene: Pacey and Gretchen's Place. Pacey and Joey are eating their pizza while talking to each other on the couch.] Joey: So, I'm sure she's just stopping by Dawson's, and then they're gonna go out, and then she's gonna go back to Doug's, spend the night, just like she said. So what if Mitch and gale are out of town? Pacey: Mitch and gale are out of town? Joey: Last pre-baby trip. At least according to Bodie. I'm sure it's nothing. Pacey: Well, it has to be nothing, because frankly, the alternative is just too horrifying to contemplate. Joey: She's your sister. He's our friend. Any way you look at it, it's weird. Pacey: Hmm. How weird would you say it is? Joey: Out of 4 stars, or on a scale from one to 10? Pacey: I'm being serious here for a second. Do you care? Joey: No. You? Pacey: No. Are you sure? Joey: Of course I'm sure. It's entirely none of our business, Pace. And besides, it ruins the mood. And I, for one, am not gonna let that happen after we've waited so long for this night. [Scene: Dawson's House. Gretchen and Dawson are sitting on the couch watching some movies snuggled up with each other.] Gretchen: Come on. It was sweet. I mean, look, she loved the guy so much she made the same mistakes all over again. And she got to sleep with the motorcycle guy. Dawson: Yeah, but all that crap about her and nick cage being soul mates? Come on. Jim Carrey was good, though. Gretchen: Yeah. Dawson: Ok. Next. Gretchen: Ok. Let's think. I have an American movie classic. Ok. It's somewhere in here. [Gretchen starts going through her purse and pulls out a night shirt and a toothbrush.] Dawson: You go out every Friday night with pajamas and a toothbrush? Gretchen: No. Heh heh, no. I just like to be prepared, you know, for whatever possibility might come up. Dawson: And you spending the night is a possibility? Gretchen: Do you want it to be? Uh... This is really awkward. Dawson: Ha ha ha! A little. Yeah. Gretchen: So, you know, hell, let's just talk about it. s*x. You know, we'll talk about it, we'll get it out in the open, and then we're gonna feel a lot better. Dawson: Ok. Gretchen: Ok. [neither one talks] You're not talking. Dawson: And neither are you. Gretchen: This is ridiculous. Dawson: What do you want me to say? Gretchen: Ok, fine. Be that way. I'll start. Um... The first time I had s*x was with my high-school boyfriend. Dawson: Not that moronic basketball player. Gretchen: You remember him? Dawson: Oh, god, yes I remember him. I hated him. Oh, now I hate him even more. Gretchen: Ok, this is good. See, we're laughing, yeah. Which is a lot better than sitting here not talking to each other. Dawson: Right. Gretchen: Your turn. Dawson: I... This is totally unfair. Gretchen: Why? Dawson: Because I've never had s*x. Gretchen: So? I've never been to the middle east, but I still have feelings on the topic. You've obviously thought about it. Dawson: Yeah, obviously. Gretchen: And... Dawson: Um... With Jen... Uh, I mean, I was 15 years old. I don't think it would have occurred to me to ask, really. Um...Joey I...Kind of thought everything was perfect. But she wanted to wait, which is fine. And then everything that happened, happened. And then, uh... When they got back, at first, I... God, I was relieved, which is lame, I know. It's just...I don't know. A part of me was still clinging to the insane notion that Joey and I were destined to lose our virginity together. Gretchen: Well, I guess it's not all that insane, I mean, she was your first serious girlfriend. Dawson: Yeah, but... Now I just kind of wished they'd done it on the boat. You know, I mean I just... Or just, they'd do it now and get it over with, you know, put the final nail in the coffin of Dawson and Joey. Gretchen: How do you know they haven't? Dawson: She told me. Pretty adult, huh? Especially for us. I asked her, and she told me. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Dawson's House. Gretchen and Dawson are now sitting on separate ends of the couch not necessarily watching the movie that is playing on the TV.] Dawson: [Sighs] Gretchen: [Sighs] What's this movie about, anyway? Dawson: Uh, I have no idea. All I know is every time you get up to get a drink of water, you move further away from me on the couch. Gretchen: You're right. Which is why I should go. Dawson: I don't you think that's kind of a drastic solution to our problem? Gretchen: Dawson, don't, ok? Dawson: Don't what? Gretchen: This is not why I came here tonight. I gotta go. Dawson: Wha--wait a minute. Gretchen, hold on. This is silly. This is obviously some kind of misunderstanding. Gretchen: You know what? I know it is, but I have to go. I was really wrong about something. Very wrong. So just don't ask me any more questions, ok? Just let me go. [She turns and walks out of the house leaving Dawson confused.] [Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's house. Joey is in the kitchen when Pacey comes down and wraps his arms around her.] Pacey: You know, ever since they invented the cartoon network, there's really no reason for humans to get up this early on Saturday morning. Joey: I wanted to make you breakfast. Pacey: You'd do that for me? Joey: Well, I don't make breakfast for just anyone, pace. I mean, in the past year, I've made it for, like, what? 200-300 strangers. Pacey: That's very funny. Ooh. You know, you should wear my clothes more often. Joey: You like it? Pacey: Yep. Joey: When was the last time you washed it? Pacey: Hmm, I don't know. When was the last time you came over here to do my laundry? Joey: That would be never. Pacey: Never. Well, then, I think you have your answer. [They kiss and then she hands him a sheet of paper.] You know, when I told you that whole thing about telling me what you want, I didn't really expect a request to come in writing. Joey: Milk, eggs, syrup. Pacey: I know what this really is. You're trying to get rid of me. You had your way with me, my conversation has grown tiresome, and now you're giving me the boot. Joey: Go. I'm gonna get in the shower or something. [They Kiss] Pacey: Ok. But only as long as you promise me you'll be wearing that when I come back. Joey: Bye-bye. [Pacey grabs his coat and goes outside to run into Dawson walking up to the house.] Pacey: Hey. Dawson: Hey. Hey, uh, sorry to drop by so early. I'm just looking for Gretchen. Pacey: She's not with you? Dawson: Uh, she was last night. She never came home? Pacey: No. But that's no big deal. She's probably just over at Doug's. Dawson: All right. Uh, you know what? You're probably right. She's probably fine. I just really would like to know if she got home ok. Pacey: Well, sure. I'll give her a call and then I'll call you, ok? Dawson: Can you do it now? Pacey: You wanna call? Dawson: Yeah, just borrow your phone. It'll take 2 seconds. [He looks back at the house for a second] Pacey: Yeah, sure thing. Dawson: Thanks. [The go inside the house and Joey hears them and quickly heads into the hallway.] Dawson: So, dude, since when do you get up before noon on the weekends? Pacey: Heh heh. Well, you know, a man's gotta eat. [Joey goes into the bathroom and quietly closes the door.] [Scene: The Poetry Reading house. Jen and Jack are there looking around for Tom, waiting for him to get there.] Jack: Ok, I don't see him. Jen: He's just late. All right? Jack: How do you know that? Jen: Well, obviously because he invited me. Jack: He didn't invite you, ok? He was just making polite conversation. At least, I hope he was. Jen: I'm starting to sense that you don't have the highest opinion of psychiatrists. Jack: With my family history? Forgive me for not thinking that psychiatry is foolproof. Look, not all therapists know what they're doing, you know? They're just as fallible as auto mechanics, probably even more so. And for starters, any therapist that's gonna date one of his patients is just not worth having around. Jen: Jack, shh! God, I am not trying to date him. All right? I mean, you've seen the guy. He's obviously not my type. Jack: So, you absolutely, positively, do not have a crush on this guy? Jen: No, I don't have a crush on him. God, I... I don't know why you're asking me all this. Jack: Well, it's fairly common for people to develop a thing for their shrinks. Jen: Well, that's not what's happening here, all right? Jack: Forgive me for asking, then what the hell are we doing here? Why do you need this guy to like you so much? Jen: I don't need him to like me. Jack: Right. Yeah, I forgot. You love poetry. Jen: Right. [Scene: Gretchen and Pacey's place. Pacey is on the phone with Doug, while Dawson is waiting to hear what he found out.] Pacey: That's what I thought, Doug. Ok. Thanks. Bye. Problem solved? Dawson: Yeah, great. Thank you. I really appreciate this. Pacey: Hey, better safe than sorry. Right? Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: Yeah. Dawson: So, uh... Just let her know I stopped by. Actually, you know what? On second thought, don't tell her I stopped by. Don't tell her, and I'll see if she calls. Pacey: Dawson, look... If you guys had a fight and you want me to say something... Dawson: [Sighs] We didn't have a fight. It's just I... I just think she's seen the light. But, uh, thanks. [Dawson leaves, and Joey comes out of the bathroom, and watches as he leaves, and Pacey turns back to her.] Pacey: I'll be right back. Joey: Great. [Scene: The Poetry Reading. Jen and Jack are sitting on one of the couches waiting for Tom to get there.] Jack: Well... He's not here. He's not gonna be here. Yeah, never was gonna be here. Jen: Ok, you win. Happy? Jack: Yeah. Can we go? Please? Jen: You know, would it kill you to sit and listen to some poetry? Jack: Yeah. Yeah, it would. Jen: Ok, you're right. Come on. [They stand up to leave and Tom walks up to them.] Tom: You saved me a seat. Robin: Welcome, everyone, and thank you so much for getting up this early. [Scene: The Coffee House. Dawson is sitting alone at a table reading the paper when Drue comes up and takes a seat.] Drue: Thank god. These places can be so lonely. Dawson: That's one of the attractions. Drue: You're mad about my little practical joke, aren't you? Dawson: Actually, no, I'd forgotten about that in the wake of greater personal tragedies. But since you insist on invading my space Drue: You want me to unfix the election? Let Joey and Pacey win as class couple? Dawson: Mm-mmm. Drue: Sorry. I can't do that. It's too boring. Where's the conflict? Where's the drama? Dawson: There isn't supposed to be any drama. Drue: You see? It's thinking like that that keeps high-school yearbooks mired in mediocrity. Dawson: Are you suggesting they should be fiction rather than fact? Drue: Personally, I've always found the truth to be a slippery little devil and somewhat lacking in the fun department. Dawson: And you don't care who gets hurt? Drue: It's downright sweet, all this concern you seem to have for Joey, but I should probably warn you, all it really does is prove my point. Dawson: I wasn't aware that you had one. Drue: Oh, god, please. This whole friend dance that you guys do, as if you were actually over each other? As if you hadn't fatally wounded each other's psyches and doomed all your future relationships? I mean... I'm sorry. This is great stuff. It's what makes you and Joey far and away the more compelling couple. Dawson: Well, much as I appreciate having my life explained to me by you, this sounds like you have no intention of unfixing this problem. Drue: My hands are tied. Dawson: I guess mine are, too. [Scene: Outside Gretchen and Pacey's Place. Gretchen is sitting on the porch when Joey comes outside. Gretchen is sitting there just looking out into the waters off the coast.] Joey: Hey. You're back. Gretchen: I am. Joey: So, what's the deal? Gretchen: Meaning? Joey: I don't know. I kinda got the impression that everyone was worried about you. Gretchen: And by everybody you mean Pacey and Dawson. 'Cause that would pretty much be everybody, now, wouldn't it? Sometimes I wish I'd been here last year, because I would really like to know how you guys got into this mess to begin with. You're all so worried about hurting each other. Everybody's trying to be so nice all the time... Joey: Except you? Gretchen: Yeah. Except me. I'm really not feeling too nice at the moment. Joey: Look, Gretchen, I know that you and Dawson had a fight or something, and I know that you didn't spend the night at his house last night. Gretchen: Did you want me to? You know, all these lies, these lies that you're all telling to protect each other, they're not gonna solve anything. Joey: What lies? Gretchen: You lied to Dawson about you and Pacey having s*x. Joey: I made a decision, a very private decision about my life, and I really don't want the whole world to know about that. Gretchen: You really don't want Dawson to know about. Joey: Well, it's the same thing. Gretchen: No, it's not, Joey. I don't wanna be the ogre here, but lying to Dawson isn't gonna solve anything. It's not fair to him. And it's not fair to somebody who's trying to have a relationship with him. Joey: Meaning you. You know, Gretchen, you're right about one thing. You weren't here last year, and you don't know what it's like, so there's no way that you could possibly understand. Gretchen: You have to tell Dawson the truth. There's no other choice here. And if you won't do it for him or for me, then just do it for Pacey. [Pacey comes up carrying a bag of groceries.] Pacey: What's up, you guys? Joey: Uh, Bessie had some sort of a meltdown. I gotta go. I'll see you later. Pacey: Uh, right. Give me a call. Joey: Yeah. [Joey leaves, and Pacey just looks at her and Gretchen really confused.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Outside Gretchen and Pacey's place. Gretchen is still sitting outside when Pacey comes back outside to join her.] Pacey: All right, so what'd I miss? Gretchen: Nothing. Pacey: You and Dawson had some sort of fight, didn't you? Gretchen: Since when do you care, Pacey? Pacey: What? I can't take an interest in your life? Gretchen: No. Pacey: Ok, well, if you and Dawson didn't have a fight, then what were you and Joey talking about? And why was he here at the crack of dawn this morning? Gretchen: Dawson was here? Pacey: Yeah. Dawson was here, but I'm not supposed to tell you that, so you didn't hear it from me. And unlike you, he does seem to be under the impression that you had a fight last night. He just doesn't know what it's about. Gretchen: Pacey, you don't want to hear about me and Dawson, so just stop, ok? Pacey: Stop what? Gretchen: Stop asking. Pacey: Ok, now I really want to know, Gretchen. Gretchen: No, you don't. Believe me. You don't. Pacey: Yes, I do, because I'm starting to have this horrifying feeling that it somehow involves me. Ah, no comment. Gretchen: Why don't you just ask Joey about this? Pacey: You want me to ask Joey about the problem that you and Dawson are having? Gretchen: Yeah. No. No, look. Pacey, I'm just really not in the best of moods right now, ok? I mean, let's just say that you were right about me and Dawson. Maybe he's too young for me. Pacey: My goal is not to be right. My goal is to figure out what's going on, especially if it involves me and Joey, so I think that you should just tell me what's going on, whatever it is. And I won't mention it to Dawson and Joey. Gretchen: Great. More lies. That's really gonna help. Pacey: More lies? What lies? 'Cause the only lie that I can see that's being perpetrated right now is you, my own sister, lying to me. Gretchen: Joey lied to Dawson. I don't know why, I don't know what it meant, but he asked her flat-out whether you guys were sleeping together, and she lied. And that's the truth, Pacey. [Scene: The Poetry Reading. The reading has finished and Jack and Jen are at the refreshment table.] Jen: Hi. Tom: So, which one was your favorite? Jen: Which one? Tom: Which poem? Jen: Which poem. Jack: Which poem, um... Jen: God, they were so good. Jack: I'd say, probably the last one would be good. Jen: Yeah. Definitely. You're right. It was, you know, it has this really, um... This really surreal quality to it, which--all the same, it was very deep and--and totally original, but really great imagery. Tom: Yeah. [Robin comes up to then and puts her arm around Tom.] Robin: Don't ditch me, ok? I still have to do this linger-and-talk thing. Tom: Robin, this is Jen and jack. Robin: Oh, hi. Thanks for coming. Jen: Sure. Tom: Jen was just telling us how much she liked the last one. Robin: Oh. That's his favorite, too. Not that he gets it. [Laughs] You guys high-school students? Jack: Yeah. Jen: Yeah. Robin: I told you all hope was not lost for the youth of America. You know, when we were high-school students, the things that we used to Tom: shouldn't you be mixing? Robin: Well, only if you mix with me. It was nice meeting you both. Jack and Jen: You, too. [Tom and Robin walk away from them.] Jack: Definitely not gay. Jen: No. [Scene: Capeside High Computer room. Dawson is sitting in front of one of the computers when Joey comes walking up to join him.] Joey: This is by far the strangest place you've ever asked me to meet you. Dawson: Ah, yeah. I decided to, uh, you know, pitch in, make sure the right people ended up on the right pages. Not buying it? Joey: We both know that yearbook is a shameful, squalid waste of time. Dawson: All will be revealed in good time. Would you like some coffee? Joey: You drink black coffee? Dawson: Oh, yeah. I drink it. I don't like it, but I drink it. Figure everybody's got to have at least one vice, right? Joey: I guess there's a lot we don't know about each other. That's not how it used to be. I mean, we... We used to be able to tell each other everything. Dawson: Yeah. I'm not sure that was such a good thing. Joey: Not a very Dawson leery-like thing to say. Dawson: Which brings me to something else that I want to say to you. Um... I want to apologize. Joey: For what? Dawson: For that question that I asked you a couple of weeks ago, that very personal question. I should never have asked you that. I... I don't even know why I did. It's some masochistic side of me that I haven't explored yet. Probably the same side of me that's sabotaging my relationship with Gretchen. Joey: You think you're sabotaging your relationship? Dawson: Well, mentioning you every 30 seconds, I'm sure, doesn't help. I'm just--I don't know, I'm so terrified of making the same mistakes that I made in the past that every minute I'm with her turns into this pitched battle in my head. I mean, do I show her the confused mess that I really am? Or, you know, do I attempt to act cool, be the kind of guy who gets the girl? Joey: Maybe you are the guy that gets the girl. Dawson: I didn't get you. Anyway... [He turns back to the computer he was working on.] Joey: Senior polls? Dawson: It occurred to me that Drue is kind of like one of the more lame TV batman villains-- evil with a short attention span. He went through all the trouble of rigging the election and then quit the yearbook staff before his plan could be fully realized. Joey: So, you're volunteering your services to yearbook. Dawson: Yeah, I figured I'd follow through for him. You know? For posterity's sake if nothing else. At least let the record reflect the truth this senior year. [He drags a picture of Joey and Pacey onto the page with the words Best Couple on it.] [Scene: The Poetry reading. Tom and Jen are there talking to each other.] Jen: She seems really nice, your girlfriend. Tom: She is nice. Jen: So, she's your girlfriend? Tom: Like I said, I am glad you came. Jen: So I could make a total idiot of myself? Tom: No, because you like poetry. And sitting in coffeehouse windows and browsing in independent bookstores. We have a lot in common, you and I. Jen: Well, if you knew what I was doing, why didn't you just stop me? Tom: Because it was obviously important to you. What's less obvious is why, and we will talk about that on Tuesday. Jen: Why? Can't I just want to know things about you? I can't just be curious? Tom: About me? I'm not really all that interesting. I think there's some bigger question you needed answered. Jen: What--what big question? Tom: Tuesday. Jen: A clue. Tom: What? Like 5 letters, starts and ends with the same consonant? It's not a crossword puzzle. It's what we were talking about on Friday. You were there, weren't you? In body, if not in spirit? Jen: Trust. Is that the question? Tom: And what's the answer? Jen: Yeah. Yes, that I can trust you. [Scene: The piers by the water front. Gretchen is staring off into the water, when Dawson comes walking up and joins her.] Dawson: You know, this probably isn't the best place for you to hang out if you're trying to avoid me. Of course, if you're trying to break up with me... Gretchen: That's not what I'm planning. Dawson: But you have been avoiding me. Gretchen: Yeah. Dawson: If I in any way gave you the impression that I'm not over Joey or made you feel like you're unimportant to me or that I don't want this to work-- Gretchen: That's not what I think. You didn't do anything wrong last night, Dawson. All you were was honest with me. Dawson: So, then what's the problem? Is this about s*x? Gretchen: No, it's not. Look, just promise me something. Dawson: Anything. Gretchen: That you'll always be as honest with me as you were last night. Because that's the hardest part about having a relationship. I mean, it's so much harder than s*x. You know, trusting someone is like this gigantic act of faith. You know, you put it out there and you can never really be sure that you're gonna get it back. And s*x... s*x is just mechanical. It's like... I don't know, like brushing your teeth. Dawson: Ah, funny you should mention that, actually. Gretchen: Why? Dawson: Because I got you something... In case you were dumping me. Although, given the recent turn in conversation, it does seem a little ridiculous. Gretchen: Wait. In case I was dumping you, you got me a present? Dawson: Yeah. Well, you changed my life. I didn't want you to leave without some small token of my affection. Gretchen: So, it's sort of like a parting gift. Dawson: Yeah, exactly. [He pulls a toothbrush out of his coat.] You left your old one at my house, and it was really disgusting. You know, you're supposed to get a new one, like, every millennium. Gretchen: I know. Dawson: That's why they put the color on the bristles. Gretchen: Ok, I get it. Shut up. [Se snuggles up to him and they walk along the waterfront together.] Gretchen: Thank you. Dawson: You're welcome. [Scene: on the shores of the water. Pacey and Joey are walking hand in hand enjoying the view and the weather. Even though it is a little foggy.] Pacey: It's a nice thing that Dawson just did for you. Joey: Why just for me? Pacey: Well, you're the one who was so upset by the whole thing. Joey: You know, I'm glad we walked. It's really nice out here. Pacey: Yeah. It's not too cold. Joey: It's kind of freaky, isn't it, the way the snow's all melted? Like it's gonna be spring soon and we didn't realize. Pacey: Well, our new pastime is much more of an indoor sport. Joey: Sometimes I wonder if we should have done it on the boat, you know? We were alone. Pacey: Nah. We would've missed all the scenery. Joey: Do you miss it? Pacey: The scenery? Joey: No. When we weren't having s*x. When everything and every moment wasn't about s*x. Pacey: I don't know that that time ever really existed. Joey: I guess you're right. I mean, before... When we hadn't had s*x... Everything was about s*x, and now that we have had sex-- Pacey: Everything is still about s*x. Do you think we're doing something wrong? Joey: No. Do you? Pacey: No. If you don't think that we did anything wrong, I was just-- I mean, I don't know why that you would... Joey: Pacey, did Gretchen say something to you after I left this morning? Pacey: No. Why? Joey: No reason. [They arrive back at Pacey's place but stop and Joey turns to Pacey.] Joey: You know, let's just walk some more. I mean... We never do that anymore. [They walk off into the scenery hand in hand.]

The results of the senior polls have ramifications for Dawson, Joey, and Pacey, as the three try to ignore the tauntings of Drue Valentine. While Pacey and Joey try to find some alone time, Dawson finds his night with Gretchen more awkward than he'd expected. Meanwhile, Jack is suspicious when Jen drags him on some mysterious errands, and his suspicions are confirmed when he learns that she is stalking her therapist.

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MUSIC IN: EXT. PARK ROAD - NIGHT (SFX: CAR DRIVES PAST) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ CAMERA PANS OVER THE GROUND) (SFX: EARTH MOVES B.G.) (MUSIC OVER ACTION/WOMAN CLIMBS FROM A GRAVE AND RUNS UP THE HILL TO THE ROAD) WOMAN: (SHOUTS) Stop! Stop! (CAR BRAKES TO A STOP) DRIVER: Did your car run off the road? WOMAN: I don't think so. I was buried. TOM: Buried?! WOMAN: Back there. TOM: Ellie, call nine one one! WOMAN: No. TOM: Easy. Easy. I just want to get you in the car. It's warm. What's your name? WOMAN: I don't know! TOM: You're in shock. You'll remember in time. WOMAN: There isn't any time! (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE OF DESTROYER EXPLODING) WOMAN: There's a bomb! TOM: A what? WOMAN: A bomb on a ship! A Navy ship! People are going to die! People are going to die! (CUT TO BLACK) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BASEMENT - DAY VOICE ON TV: U.S. farm report. America's longest running agri-business news program.(SFX: PHONE RINGS B.G.) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Hey, boss. Rise and shine. GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Oh. Zero five twenty. That's all I get. I'm up. Are you at the office?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, the boiler blew in my apartment so... it knocked out the power. I won't have any heat or electricity for a month. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Fall asleep working on your boat again? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Why do you say that....? TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Boss, I know the Farm Report when I hear it. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) You only have one TV and it's in your basement. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) What do you got, DiNozzo? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) A motorist picked up a Jane Doe in Rock Creek Park. Claimed she dug herself out of a grave. No ID. And guess what? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) She can't remember her name? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, how'd you know that? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, uh... she's alive and you're calling her Jane Doe. What was my first clue? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, yeah. That's right. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, it's also obvious that she has no I.D. so she was probably wearing a uniform. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Ah ha ha! She wasn't! So why did the cops call NCIS? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) Now tell me that. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) She told them there's a bomb on a Navy ship. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Hospital? (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Georgetown University. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Get Kate over there. I'll call Ducky and meet you outside the office in twenty. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Hey listen, since um, you know... (SCENE CUT) TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) ...you're always up all night working on your boat downstairs... GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) No, you cannot stay at my place. Remember last time? (SFX: DIAL TONE) (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (TV ANNOUNCER B.G.) (GIBBS SIPS HIS COFFEE) GIBBS: Oh... [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARK WOODS - DAY DUCKY: It's not very deep. GIBBS: Hastily dug graves rarely are. DUCKY: Do you know why graves are six feet deep, Gibbs? GIBBS: I do. DUCKY: Six feet is the minimum depth at which the smell of a decomposing corpse cannot attract wild animals. Of course, there are exceptions. A polar bear can smell... GIBBS: Duck, I said I knew. DUCKY: Sorry. TONY: No tracks. Whoever buried her may have parked on the street and used the hiking trail. The park rangers circle hourly at night, so he'd have to move pretty fast to be parked on the road. GIBBS: Well, that goes with the shallow grave. Our digger was in a hurry. Okay, let's get to work. DUCKY: I don't have a body. GIBBS: Go find one, Duck. DUCKY: Here? GIBBS: Sure. How many times have we had multiple victims? DUCKY: Quite right, Jethro. (DUCKY WALKS O.S.) TONY: (CHUCKLES) That's slick, Boss. GIBBS: What's that? TONY: Getting Ducky off so he wouldn't bug us with one of those stories about... (BEAT)..we'd better get back to work. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. HOSPITAL - DAY SANDERSON: Her amnesia can be rooted in a number of causes. She suffered blunt force trauma to the cranium. There was some petechial hemorrhaging which is-- KATE: Whoa. Petechial? SANDERSON: I'm sorry. Um... pinpoint hemorrhaging on her eyelids. It's from a lack of oxygen. KATE: She came close to suffocating in that grave? SANDERSON: Very close. And as if the physical traumas weren't enough, one has to consider the emotional trauma of being buried alive. KATE: That would shake me up. SANDERSON: It's one of our oldest fears, next to being eaten by a wild animal. KATE: I hadn't considered that one. SANDERSON: Well, perhaps not consciously. Um... Jung postulated that we genetically inherited our primordial fears which can be triggered by smells or sounds. Oh! I'll never forget my first trip to Africa. There was a moment where... KATE: (OVERLAP) Are you by any chance related to a Doctor Mallard? SANDERSON: Mallard? No, I don't think so. KATE: Just wondering. When will she regain her memory? SANDERSON: Well, it could happen in a flash or slowing over a period of days, weeks, even months. Now her memory of being buried may never return. KATE: Where are they taking her? SANDERSON: For a CT scan and a neurological consult. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: EXT. WOODS - DAY GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) No, you will not put her picture on TV. KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) I really... GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I want whoever did this to think she's still dead. No, Kate. No. Our priority is finding the bomb. (TO TONY) She's bonded. TONY: Kate and Jane Doe? GIBBS: Oh, yeah. She hasn't even questioned her yet. (IMITATING KATE) Her eyes... they just pleaded for help. TONY: I love that look in a woman. DUCKY: (V.O.) I couldn't find a body. TONY: Sorry. DUCKY: How did you two do? GIBBS: I found a couple of arrowheads. DUCKY: Ah! Yeah - this one's an arrowhead, but this one's a shark's tooth. And oh... not more than a few thousand years old. TONY: That recent? DUCKY: Oh yes. Any older and it would be blackened and fossilized. TONY: How'd it get into Rock Creek Park? DUCKY: Oh, Pre-Colombian Indians - they either found a dead shark on the shore or procured it from a Casimoroid tribe. We have to notify ARPA. GIBBS: After we're done here. DUCKY: Come on, Gibbs. It's a two hundred and fifty thousand dollar fine for disturbing an archeological site. GIBBS: Crime site first, Duck. TONY: You know, I was just thinking. Since the arrowhead and shark's tooth were here before Jane Doe was buried....never mind. DUCKY: Wouldn't it be fascinating if our Jane Doe was unknowingly interred atop a prehistoric burial? It's happened to me once before you know. In sixty eight.... Or was it sixty seven? No matter. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY KATE: I appreciate your letting me do this. WOMAN: I'd like to know who I am, too. KATE: I'll need your clothes. WOMAN: My clothes? KATE: If you handled explosives, our forensic people will find particles on your clothing. WOMAN: Of course. KATE: Can I have your right hand please? WOMAN: I think I've done this before. KATE: If so, that's good news. You'll be on somebody's database. WOMAN: The FBI's terrorist list? KATE: You have to stop thinking like that. WOMAN: How am I to think? I know there's a bomb on a Navy ship and I put it here! KATE: Do you remember placing it? WOMAN: No. But I know it's there. KATE: Well, knowing it's there doesn't mean you placed it. Does it? WOMAN: No. I suppose not. (VOICE OVER P.A. B.G.) (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES OF INSIDE THE CHURCH) KATE: What is it? WOMAN: I remember being in a church. KATE: Which church? WOMAN: I... don't know. KATE: You will. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. PARK WOODS - DAY DUCKY: We found a forty seventy caliber bullet lodged in the Comanche's femur. Now since the forty seventy cavalry carbine was introduced in eighteen seventy three we have an approximate date to work with. TONY: Speaking of dates to work from. We've worked together for two years and you know, I have no idea where you live. DUCKY: Well, I'd just as well we kept it that way, Tony. TONY: Right. GIBBS: Well, hello. DUCKY: Ah, another artifact? GIBBS: Only if your Pre-Colombians used keys. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS ABBY: I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens. GIBBS: Do I look like DiNozzo? TONY: Not funny, Boss. Besides, I could open a chastity belt. ABBY: Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome. It's eighteenth century French. TONY: You have a chastity belt? GIBBS: So much more information than I need to know about Abby, and not enough about this key. ABBY: The key opens a magnetized lock. Instead of serrations, magnets repel magnetized pins. GIBBS: Hotel room? ABBY: Possibly. But it could be any high security lock. There's no logos or serial numbers. But a magnetic code is like a fingerprint. So it'll lead me back to whatever system made the code on the key. KATE: Hospital called. The rape kit's negative. Anything on her prints or clothing? ABBY: Nothing on the fingerprints yet, but the gas chromatograph should be giving me something on her clothes soon. GIBBS: Hey, how was your interview? KATE: It's sad, Gibbs. She's trying so hard. She desperately wants to help. GIBBS: I'm glad. But did she remember anything? KATE: She did. She thinks that she's been fingerprinted before. TONY: Terrorist. KATE: And she remembers praying in church. She's not the terrorist type, Tony. TONY: Oh, so you're thinking more Emma Thompson than Angelina Jolie? (SFX: BEEP TONES B.G.) ABBY: Got a whup! GIBBS: What kind of whup, Abby? Abby? ABBY: Okay, um... this hit is erythritol. It's used in low-carb sweeteners. And this spike is trimethylene. It's found in polyester fibers. Dinitrate is a common angina medication. And this is glycol, and glycol is antifreeze. TONY: So Jane Doe uses low-carb sweetener, wears polyester, puts her own anti-freeze in her car and has a heart condition. ABBY: Or she's mixing up a brew to go boom! Big time. All these chemicals are used in high grade explosives. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY WOMAN: I don't know which is worse. Not knowing who you are... or knowing you're a terrorist. KATE: The chemicals on your clothing do not make you a terrorist. I told you they have other uses. WOMAN: My heart's fine. I hate polyester. I don't like artificial sweetener. KATE: How do you know? WOMAN: I just know. Like... I know I don't like strawberries, but I love blueberries. I know what I like and what I don't like, Agent Todd. I just don't know who I am, what I do or where I live. KATE: Okay, let's say the residue was from the explosives. It could have come from a...a legitimate occupation. WOMAN: What? I'm an explosiver hersteller? Explosiver hersteller. That means explosive maker in German! How do I know that? KATE: Maybe it's your job title? Sprechen sie Deutsch? WOMAN: No. KATE: Okay, maybe it's a German firm here. If you worked in Germany you would know the language. You realize what this can mean? WOMAN: Yeah. It means that I could have put a bomb on a Navy ship. KATE: Or... you know who did and they tried to kill you. WOMAN: You think? KATE: I do. WOMAN: Why do you believe in me? KATE: Why do you like blueberries? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY SANDERSON: I can't release a woman who doesn't know her name, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: What's the neurological consult say? SANDERSON: She's in no medical danger, but she doesn't know who she is, where she lives, her phone number, anything! I can't release her! KATE: Yes, you can, Doctor. Tell them, Maureen. WOMAN: My name's Maureen Ingalls. I live at six twenty Niagara Street in Alexandria. I don't think I ever remembered my phone number. GIBBS: You remember who buried you? KATE: She may always block that memory. Isn't that right, Doctor? SANDERSON: Yes. Most traumatic amnesiacs never recall the event which triggered the memory loss. In fact, I have a case where there were three accident victims who... TONY: (OVERLAP) What if her attacker returns? KATE: She'll be in protective custody at my place. SANDERSON: So you'll assume responsibility for signing her out? KATE: Of course. SANDERSON: I still suggest she stays for another twenty four hours, but since she's recovered her memory, I... KATE: Thank you, Doctor. Oh, and Ms. Ingalls has no clothes. So can she borrow a set of greens? SANDERSON: No problem. Follow me, please. KATE: I'll join you in a minute. (SANDERSON AND WOMAN WALK O.S.) GIBBS: Okay, who's Maureen Ingalls? KATE: How do you know she isn't? (BEAT) My cousin. TONY: That was a quick fold. GIBBS: Kate, do you realize the laws you're violating by signing her out when you know she's lying? KATE: Her memory is already coming back, Gibbs. She remembered the German word for "explosive fabricator." TONY: She speaks German? KATE: No, but I think she makes explosives for a German firm here. TONY: Or a German terrorist cell with ties to Al Qaeda. KATE: Well, since Al Qaeda is not listed in the Yellow Pages, let's start checking German munition makers first. TONY: Whoa. What's with you and Jane Doe? KATE: She'll be occupying my spare bedroom so I don't have to say no to you. TONY: Oh, did I ask? Did I? GIBBS: Why are you doing this, Kate? KATE: She's terrified, Gibbs. I should think my place would be more conducive to her recovering her memory than a hospital. And we need to find that bomb. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY (MUSIC PLAYS B.G.) ABBY: Gotcha! GIBBS: Love to hear that word out of your dark lips, Abby. ABBY: Hey guys. What did you find? TONY: Kate willing to give her bedroom to Jane Doe and not me. ABBY: Shocking. GIBBS: The gotcha? ABBY: You were right, Gibbs. I matched the magnetic code to a system made by MagSecure. It's a hotel key. GIBBS: You got a list of the hotels? ABBY: MagSecure's faxing it over. It'll be here shortly. TONY: What's that on the top? ABBY: A scratch. TONY: Mm, that's more than a scratch. ABBY: You might actually be right. TONY: Want to know what my vision is? GIBBS: No. TONY: Twenty ten. Same as Ted Williams. He could see the seams on a fastball coming at him. GIBBS: How about knuckles? (SFX: BEEP TONES) ABBY: Whoa. GIBBS: Whoa. How did someone etch letters that small? ABBY: Micro-laser. It was developed to put serial numbers on diamonds. The numbers are invisible to the naked eye... TONY: Not mine. ABBY: .... so the thieves think their heist is fence-able and then wham - they get five to ten. GIBBS: Why use them on a room key? ABBY: Maybe somebody was playing with the hotel's new toy. Like when photocopiers first came out and people were copying everything from C-notes to their butts. TONY: You sat your naked butt on a photocopier, didn't you, Abby. ABBY: Yep. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KATE'S APARTMENT - DAY WOMAN: (V.O.) This is you with the President. KATE: I used to be with the Secret Service on Air Force One. WOMAN: Why'd you leave? KATE: Work at NCIS is more interesting. WOMAN: Than flying around the country with the President? KATE: Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Constantly on edge. Worried that some nut is going to take a shot at him. WOMAN: Or blow him up. KATE: Try this sweater and pants. They should fit all right. WOMAN: I've been trying to recall that ship. I know it's not a carrier. KATE: Submarine? WOMAN: No. KATE: There are no active battleships so it would have to be a cruiser or a destroyer. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES B.G.) WOMAN: They look the same. KATE: Not to the Navy. WOMAN: No, it's one of them I'm sure of it. Can't you just search them? KATE: Well, these aren't two ships. They're two classes of ships. There are eighteen destroyers and seven cruisers in Norfolk alone. WOMAN: Oh. I wish I could give you a name. KATE: Maybe you can. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS LAB - DAY (MUSIC B.G.) ABBY: It looks like they're only three hotels in the D.C. area that use MagSecure keys. TONY: And the phone number for the Jackson is five five five... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Triple five zero one hundred. TONY: Do you got contact lenses? GIBBS: Nope. (INTO PHONE) Can I talk to your manager, please? TONY: Laser surgery? GIBBS: No. DiNozzo, put a sock in it. Contact the rest of these hotels. (INTO PHONE) Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. Navy Criminal Investigative Service. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. KATE'S HOUSE - DAY WOMAN: I never knew the Navy had so many ships. KATE: Yeah, these are just the cruisers and destroyers. WOMAN: Some of the names sound familiar. KATE: The cruisers are named after battles and the destroyers are named after Naval heroes. WOMAN: None of them ring a bell, so to speak. KATE: It was worth a shot. (WOMAN SIGHS) KATE: What's wrong? WOMAN: I just feel a little dizzy. KATE: Maybe I should take you back to the hospital. WOMAN: No! No. I think... I'm just weak from hunger. I don't remember the last time I ate. KATE: Well we'd better get you some food then. (KATE OPENS THE CLOSET DOOR) WOMAN: I think I have a coat like this. KATE: Are you sure? WOMAN: The texture...and these buttons. Yeah. I'm positive. KATE: It's a Michael B. There's only a few stores that carry his line. WOMAN: Let's go. KATE: First we eat. WOMAN: Food can wait. Finding the bomb is more important. KATE: You never know when you get to eat on my job. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY TONY: None of the hotels micro-etch their keys. ABBY: Well, somebody etched "The Apartment" on that key. GIBBS: Maybe a permanent resident. What hotels besides the Jackson take permanent residents? TONY: Neither of them. GIBBS: We'll need a search authorization. TONY: How'd you know that Jackson had permanent residents? GIBBS: I just did. TONY: Did you used to live there once, Boss? Or... GIBBS: No. TONY: Did you know someone who lives there... GIBBS: My ex-wife lives there. TONY: Oh. Oh. So you didn't read the phone number, you knew it. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MICHAEL'S DESIGN SHOP KATE: Anything familiar? The sound of the traffic outside, the smell of the clothing ...anything? SALESWOMAN: It's been a while, hasn't it? WOMAN: You remember me? SALESWOMAN: Oh, no. Your coat's about three years old. Still looks great, though. You know, you should check out his new line. It's really fantastic. WOMAN: I prefer black. SALESWOMAN: Oh, of course. (DOOR OPENS) KATE: Do you recognize him? WOMAN: He reminds me of the man that attacked me. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - DAY TONY: Very expensive-looking, Boss. I hope she's not sticking you with the... GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Has Mister Richter had a suite here for long? MANAGER: Over two years. GIBBS: Then you know him well? MANAGER: Well, not really. If the residents don't call us with a problem, we respect their privacy. Here we are, suite eighty seven hundred. Oh, my. (DOOR OPENS) MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. DESIGNER SHOP - DAY KATE: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. She just remembered the man who attacked her. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Okay. Did she give you a name? KATE: (INTO PHONE) Well, he's Caucasian, bald, late forties and when he attacked her he was wearing a... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL ROOM GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) ...blue blazer... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DESIGNER SHOP GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Blue shirt, burgundy tie with a blue stripe? KATE: (INTO PHONE) You found him? GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Oh, yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL ROOM GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) We found him. (MUSIC UP AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY KOCHIFIS: You're telling me the suits from Hoover didn't save the man? TONY: Hell, no. It was N-C-I-us. KOCHIFIS: Not according to the TV reports. TONY: Yeah, well when do they get it right? (TO GIBBS) Boss, this is Detective Andy Kochifis, Homicide - cut me some slack on the Major Kerry investigation. GIBBS: Maybe he'll do it again. KOCHIFIS: What? I do it once and I'm a whore? GIBBS: A courtesan, maybe. Richter had a year's lease, it's not the home address on his driver's license. TONY: There's no clothes in the closet. No photos. Just hotel amenities. GIBBS: Check the booze. TONY: Oh, yeah. That's not hotel stock. Macallan Eighteen, Belvedere and Bombay Sapphire. KOCHIFIS: Could be a beltway bandit who leased this suite for company entertainment. GIBBS: In his own name? KOCHIFIS: Tony said an amnesia case led you here. GIBBS: Yeah, found a key to this place in Jane Doe's grave. KOCHIFIS: I thought she was alive. TONY: Yeah, she woke up taking a dirt nap in Rock Creek Park and did a Dracula. KOCHIFIS: That's a new one. GIBBS: Whoever buried her thinks she's dead. I'd like to keep it that way. KOCHIFIS: Okay. But why do you want the lead on the investigation? GIBBS: There may be a Navy terrorist attack in the mix. We'd just like to keep it all in one ball of wax. TONY: Yeah, look how well we did last time, huh... KOCHIFIS: Not according to-- TONY: To the TV, yeah. I know, don't rub it in. KOCHIFIS: All right, look. If our M.E.'s cool, so am I. DIGGER: Ducky, I should do this autopsy. DUCKY: Now Digger, I can cite you a dozen cases where the local authority was usurped by an ongoing Federal investigation. Look at Lincoln's assignation. He was shot at the Ford Theater only a few blocks from here. Now that is an autopsy I would-- (SFX: RAPID BEEP TONES) DUCKY: Seventy one point nine. DIGGER: (OVERLAP) Seventy two point three. DUCKY: My god, Digger. When did your department last update its field kits? Your probe is so old it could've been used on Typhoid Mary. Were you as amazed by her story as I was Digger? A healthy woman making all those people sick and not having a clue. Can you imagine not having a clue, Digger? DIGGER: You know, you're right. Our equipment is outdated. We're backed up at the lab anyway. He's all yours, Ducky. (TO KOCHIFIS) NCIS will handle the autopsy. KOCHIFIS: Okay, Aldridge. GIBBS: What'd he die from, Duck? GIBBS: A blunt object to the back of the head. Yes, I believe we'll find blood in hair. Well, blood on an object here. One of the bookends, the obelisk. The crystal ashtray. I hope he didn't suffer the indignity of being whacked by this tawdry bust of President Kennedy. GIBBS: Tony. TONY: I'm on it. GIBBS: Was he murdered before our Jane Doe was buried? DUCKY: Liver temperature was close to room temperature. So he deceased at least eighteen hours ago. GIBBS: You didn't answer my question. DUCKY: Jethro, I don't answer forensic questions I don't know the answers to. You know that. Why do you keep asking me? GIBBS: Force of habit. TONY: Bad news, Ducky. It looks like blood on the Kennedy bust. DUCKY: Oh, you poor man! [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAF - NIGHT WOMAN: What kind of person am I to be involved in this? KATE: Well, we don't know what the "this" is yet or how you're involved. And bad things happen to good people all the time. I sound like a self-help book. WOMAN: No, you've been wonderful to me. And I deeply appreciate it, Kate. I just wish I could remember more. KATE: So the name Walter Richter means nothing to you? WOMAN: Nothing. Will I have to look at his body? KATE: Maybe not. We're running a background check and we'll find out how he's connected to you - if he's connected to you at all. WAITRESS: Here you are. KATE: I'm starving. How about you? WOMAN: Famished. (INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENE IN RESTAURANT) KATE: Tell me what you're seeing. WOMAN: A sad and lonely woman.(WOMAN CRIES B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS LAB - DAY ABBY: Guys, this is weird. TONY: Ducky didn't like it either. Said it was tawdry. ABBY: Oh, no no. The bust is cool. It's what I found that's weird. There's a partial palm print on this bust of Kennedy. And if you remember your history, there was a partial palm print on the Mannlicher rifle used to assassinate Kennedy. TONY: Don't tell me that you tried to match them? ABBY: No, there's not enough of a print there to match. But I just thought it'd be cool to try. GIBBS: Are you saying that our palm print may be useless for identification? ABBY: Yes. But don't you think that's weird? That the Kennedy bust and the Kennedy murder weapon both have partial palm prints. GIBBS: That's not what I think is weird, Ab. What about the latents you found at the hotel room? ABBY: Um... there were some unknowns and some matches. The ones on the crystal tumbler and the Macallan belong to the victim. But what's going to make your day is the latent you lifted off the desk. The one on the left side Kate took off Jane Doe in the hospital. On the right side... is your print from the desk. TONY: Oh, they match. ABBY: Fourteen Galton points. GIBBS: Jane Doe was in that hotel suite. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY LAB - DAY DUCKY: Our victim died from a subdural hematoma caused by a skull fracture. I believe we'll find that this impression in the parietal lobe will match that on the gaudy bust of President Kennedy. GIBBS: Got a time of death yet? DUCKY: Well, due to the fixed lividity, the degree of putrefaction, the level of Escherichia coli in the stomach and digestive tract... GIBBS: Ducky! DUCKY: At least forty four hours ago. That's the best I can do with any certainly. GIBBS: Our Jane Doe was found at zero three fifty, Monday. Less than two days ago. DUCKY: It's safe to say our guest didn't put her in the ground. GIBBS: None of this is getting us to a bomb on a ship, Duck. TONY: Ah, but it is, Boss. Background on Richter. He was head of Security for a German firm. B-B-B. What is with the Germans and the alphabet thing? B-M-W, B-M-G, B-A-S-F. And they're all B's. GIBBS: I'm resisting the urge to say cut the B.S. TONY: B-F-F stands for Bombe Fermentdeckung Fabrik. GIBBS: Tell me that bombe means the same in German as it does in English. TONY: (IN GERMAN) Jawohl mein Kapitan. (IN ENGLISH) B-F-F makes bomb detecting devices for the U.S. Navy. GIBBS: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OFFICE - DAY BRAUER: In a hotel? GIBBS: The Jackson. BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Mein Gott! (IN ENGLISH) Suite eighty seven hundred? I was there Friday. TONY: To kill Richter? BRAUER: No. How could you ask such a question? TONY: It's my job. BRAUER: I take it you don't have the murderer, Agent Gibbs. TONY: What were you doing at The Jackson Friday? BRAUER: We maintain a suite there. Two of our senior engineers were over from Berlin. We had drinks before dinner. GIBBS: Why is the room leased in Richter's name? BRAUER: Ours is a very competitive business. We don't want our arrivals knowing where our firm puts our people. Maids have been bribed. Phones bugged. TONY: People murdered. BRAUER: That's a first for us. GIBBS: It may not be the last. TONY: Who's your explosiver hersteller? BRAUER: Suzanne McNeil. Is she dead, too? GIBBS: Do you have a photo of her? BRAUER: Yes, in our personnel records. GIBBS: What kind of work does she do for you? BRAUER: She formulates explosives for our testing aids. Please tell me Suzanne is not dead. TONY: Suzanne is not dead. (BRAUER STOPS TYPING) GIBBS: Whoops. TONY: Big whoops. GIBBS: You looked kind of surprised to find out she is alive, Brauer. BRAUER: Yeah. You tell me Walter has been murdered. You say he may not be the only one. Then you ask me about Suzanne. Of course I assume that she is dead, too. (SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES) BRAUER: This is Suzanne McNeil. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. ELEVATOR - DAY KATE: Are you sure you're ready to do this? WOMAN: I don't know. But if it can help me regain my memory, I guess I have no choice, right? KATE: Come on. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. NCIS AUTOPSY ROOM KATE: Doctor Mallard, this is Jane Doe. DUCKY: Hello. WOMAN: Doctor. (SFX: DOOR OPENS/BODY SLIDES OUT) DUCKY: Ready? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL ROOM - FLASHBACK RIVERS: There is six months of severance here. I advise you take it and look for new worlds to conquer. (WOMAN HITS RICHTER ON THE HEAD WITH THE BUST) (END FLASHBACK) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM KATE: Anything? WOMAN: Nothing. Poor man. DUCKY: Yes. (MUSIC OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ATRIUM - DAY (VOICES IN GERMAN B.G.) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Her name's Suzanne McNeil. (BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) She formulates explosives for B.F.F. KATE: Well if she put a bomb on a ship it could be for a test. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I've e-mailed her personnel file to you. She's got a Top Security clearance. It'll be like telling her life story. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) She didn't recognize Richter? KATE: (INTO PHONE) No. No. All she felt was sympathy for him. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) She got all teary eyed over a body she didn't know? (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) She's a nice lady, Gibbs. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Oh, yeah. So you keep telling me. (CAMERA ANGLE ON TONY AND WOMAN) KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Does Brauer know that she lost her memory? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Maybe. He knows she's alive. He's not in cuffs. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) He probably thinks she's unconscious or too traumatized to remember. KATE: (INTO PHONE) Are you sure he buried her? (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Oh, yeah. KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) Why did he want her dead? GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I've got a couple of ideas. (SCENE CUT) KATE: (INTO PHONE) Want to share? (GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE/END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) KATE: I guess not. (TO WOMAN) Suzanne! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ATRIUM - DAY (ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN) BRAUER: I'll be with you in a moment. TONY: You see, you told that to Gibbs a half hour ago. Look at the expression on his face. Not good. Make this one a quickie. BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Ich weiss... (TONY WALKS TO GIBBS) GIBBS: DiNozzo.... TONY: Sorry, Boss. This guy's Webster's definition of a micro-manager. People need his permission to take a whiz. GIBBS: I could have gone for coffee. What'd you pick up? Anything? TONY: No. Give me a few minutes with his girl and... (GIBBS HITS DINOZZO) TONY: (BEAT) ...from the little English I heard, the new "Bombe Snuffler" isn't snuffling so good. Brauer's worried it won't pass Navy acceptance trials Thursday. GIBBS: Test? On a Navy ship? TONY: If I heard there were going to be tests on a Navy ship, do you think we'd still be standing here, Boss? GIBBS: Oh, sorry. Forgot your minds work concurrently. Where is this test taking place? TONY: In some lab here. BRAUER: I apologize for the delay, Agent Gibbs. What would you like to see first? GIBBS: The lab where you're conducting the Navy test on Thursday. BRAUER: Why do you want to go there? GIBBS: Your Security of Security is dead. NCIS is tasked with protecting Navy brass. BRAUER: You think terrorists killed him? GIBBS: These days I look for terrorists behind most everything. BRAUER: Of course. Ja. This way, please. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Suzanne McNeil... this is your life. SUZANNE: Hmm. You read it? KATE: Yes. SUZANNE: Is there anything I wouldn't want to know? KATE: The sad and lonely woman? There's plenty of time for a husband and kids, Suzanne. SUZANNE: The good ones are all married. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDING - DAY GIBBS: How well did you know Suzanne McNeil? BRAUER: Oh, didn't she tell you? GIBBS: I'd like your opinion on her relationship. BRAUER: Well, I know Suzanne quite well professionally. She is one of my key employees. TONY: Kind of sexy, too. BRAUER: Oh, I think you find all women that way, Agent DiNozzo. TONY: Oh, come on. You've got to admit she's pretty sexy. BRAUER: I'm happily married. TONY: Yeah? GIBBS: Do you have micro-etching equipment here? BRAUER: Yeah. Richter uses... used it for security purposes. GIBBS: Did you ever see this old film "The Apartment" with Jack Lemmon? BRAUER: No, I don't believe so. TONY: Richter did. BRAUER: Probably. He loved those movies. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY BRAUER: But what does this have to do with... GIBBS: I assume the photo in your office is your wife. BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Ja. GIBBS: Lovely woman BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Dahnke. TONY: Older than Suzanne, of course. BRAUER: Are you implying that I had an affair with Ms. McNeil? GIBBS: Did you? BRAUER: No, Agent Gibbs, I did not. A man in my position cannot afford to risk losing everything in one of your ridiculous sexual harassment suits. GIBBS: There is a motive. TONY: Sure is. BRAUER: Yeah, I suppose someone in your profession would look at it that way. But why would I murder Walter Richter who wasn't only a close associate, but my friend? GIBBS: I don't know. BRAUER: I wouldn't. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TEST FACILITY - DAY (SFX: DOOR BUZZER) (DOOR OPENS) RUTGER: (IN GERMAN) Who are these people, Stephen? BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) It's okay. TONY: Is that a bomb sniffer? BRAUER: We don't breed dogs. It's a Fernschaltung Sprengstoff Spuren Einheitour. TONY: It'll never take first in show at Westminster. GIBBS: Where is that ship? BRAUER: In here, Agent Gibbs.(DOOR OPENS) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR GIBBS: Is this where you use the explosives Suzanne makes? BRAUER: Ja. She makes exotic bombs to test our detecting devices. KATE: (V.O.) You did put a bomb on a Navy ship. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: Only the ship was a mock-up. You make bombs for tests. Didn't I tell you it was going to be something like this? SUZANNE: Yes, you did. Oh... but this is like reading someone else's life. Not mine. I don't remember any of it. KATE: You've got to give it time, Suzanne. SUZANNE: How much time do I have, Kate? Someone tried to kill me. Someone bashed in that poor man's head. Maybe if I go there... where I work... this B-F-F...it'll come back to me. KATE: I think you've been through enough for one day. SUZANNE: No! Please, Kate! If I can just sit at my desk and meet other people... living people. I just... I think I'll remember. Please? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TEST FACILITY (SFX: ROBOT MOVES B.G.) TONY: What's that? RUTGER: Chemical signatures we are detecting. Nitrates, mercury, glycols, cyclotrimethylenes. Object Four B contains a compound of cyclonite and penaerythrite tetranitrate. BRAUER: Terrorist grade Semtex. TONY: Our NCIS explosive sniffer would tag that. BRAUER: Well, this test is just beginning. There are more sophisticated explosives that your equipment could not detect. TONY: What makes your sniffer better? RUTGER: Our software. Chemical signatures are compared to a databank of all known explosive compounds. When a critical composition is detected, it sets off an alarm. GIBBS: It's only as good as the software. BRAUER: Which is very good, very good. GIBBS: Then why are you worried about the Navy trials? BRAUER: Is that what Suzanne said? RUTGER: She would be pleased to see us fail. GIBBS: Why? RUTGER: She would win, of course. And Suzanna likes to win. BRAUER: It's her job to create explosives we cannot detect. GIBBS: So she held a few surprises back because she likes to win. BRAUER: In the beginning she had some limited successes, but Doctor Rutger has re-written the software to... (SFX: EXPLOSION B.G.) GIBBS: I had a hunting dog like that once. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ATRIUM - DAY GIBBS: Hey. Well? KATE: Reading her file didn't work. She thought being up in her office might help her remember. TONY: How'd she know where her office was? KATE: It's called a directory, Tony. BRAUER: Are you speaking of Ms. McNeil? GIBBS: Yeah, we are. Kate Todd, B-F-F CEO Stephen Brauer. KATE: Mister Brauer. BRAUER: What doesn't she remember? GIBBS: Well, why don't you ask her yourself? (SUZANNE WALKS INTO THE ROOM) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOTEL ROOM - FLASHBACK BRAUER: (SHOUTS) Suzanne, stop! Stop, Suzanne! Stop! (SUZANNE FALLS TO THE GROUND) BRAUER: (SHOUTS IN GERMAN) You're not Liesl! (END FLASHBACK) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ATRIUM - DAY KATE: Anything? SUZANNE: No. BRAUER: Suzanne? SUZANNE: We know each other? BRAUER: Ja. I'm Stephen. Stephen. SUZANNE: I'm sorry, Mister Stephen. I... I don't remember you. BRAUER: Brauer. Stephen is my given name. SUZANNE: Sorry, Mister Brauer. GIBBS: Well, that's both good news and bad news. She can't tell you the formula to her explosive... but then again, she can't remember who buried her in Rock Creek Park. BRAUER: Were you buried? SUZANNE: Yes. BRAUER: And you don't remember anything? SUZANNE: Only that I like blueberries. BRAUER: Come, Suzanne. Sit with me. Perhaps if we talk.... (SUZANNE AND BRAUER WALK TO THE COUCHES) GIBBS: That son of a bitch is guilty as hell. (CAMERA ANGLE ON SUZANNE AND BRAUER) SUZANNE: You didn't have the guts to leave her but you buried me. BRAUER: You don't have amnesia. SUZANNE: Stephen, you'd better be careful. You don't want those agents to see you scared. (CAMERA ANGLE ON TONY) TONY: You remember when I stayed with you that time, when it didn't really go so well? GIBBS: Yeah, I remember, DiNozzo. TONY: Well, listen. I was younger then. Immature. A little unfocused. GIBBS: That was six months ago, Tony. (CAMERA ANGLE ON BRAUER) BRAUER: What happened in the office was an accident and you know that. You were... out of control. SUZANNE: I'm not now. BRAUER: No. You are quite calm. Suzanne, we can work this out. I'll give you anything. Anything. SUZANNE: A wedding ring? BRAUER: Ja. I'll divorce Brigitte. SUZANNE: The hell you will. You don't have the guts. You couldn't even come to the apartment to dump me. You sent Walther. BRAUER: You murdered Walther? (CAMERA ANGLE ON KATE) KATE: She said someone bashed the poor man's head in. How did she know that Richter's head was bashed in? I couldn't see his wound. Nobody told her how he died. She remembered. (CAMERA ANGLE ON SUZANNE) SUZANNE: No one dumps me, Stephen. My latest compound. It's so volatile; all you have to do is drop it. BRAUER: Then you'll die, too. SUZANNE: I've already been buried. BRAUER: (IN GERMAN) Sie hat eine bombe! KATE: Suzanne! Don't! SUZANNE: Sorry, Kate. (SFX: MASSIVE EXPLOSION FILLS THE SCREEN) [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BFF BUILDING - NIGHT TONY: We ought to do something, Boss.(SFX: SIREN B.G.) GIBBS: Have you ever made a mistake, Tony? TONY: According to you or me? GIBBS: You. TONY: Yeah. GIBBS: Could anyone make you feel better? TONY: No. GIBBS: My door's unlocked. TONY: I know. (MUSIC OVER ENDING CREDITS AND OUT)

Kate immediately develops a close, personal bond with a young woman ( Sherilyn Fenn ) suffering from amnesia after she wakes up and crawls from her grave in a national park following a possible murder attempt. Her memory is completely blank but the woman or "Jane Doe" claims to remember that a bomb is present on a Navy ship and that people will die unless it is found, leading Gibbs and the team on a hunt for the bomb and also to find Jane's true identity. But unknown to Kate and the team, Jane is actually lying to Kate as she is already beginning to secretly remember her past and is probably planning something to strike back against her employers, something that might end in bloodshed not only for her but could affect Gibbs and his team as well.

fd_Frasier_01x11

fd_Frasier_01x11_0

ACT ONE Scene One - Apartment Daphne and Niles come out of the kitchen. Daphne: No, really. I've never had a serious boyfriend. No-one's really been interested. Niles: Men can be such pigs. [starts making a swan out of the napkins Daphne is sorting out] Daphne: It's not that people weren't trying to fix me up. Back in Manchester my mum was steering me toward Reginald Glower, the butcher's son. Pasty little thing. Never did take to him. I suppose I like my gents more on the manly side. [Niles flattens the swan] Was that a little swan you made? Niles: No, it was a B-52. Frasier comes in from the bedroom. Frasier: Well, Dad's done it again. That was Dr. Jennings's office on the phone. He's skipped his physical again today. Daphne: Why, that little devil. No wonder he didn't want me to go with him. Niles: Frasier, you know Dad's intense aversion to doctors, you should have seen that he got there. Frasier: Yes, well I didn't see you volunteering this afternoon. Niles: Well, I couldn't. I had my "fear of abandonment" workshop today, and I've already been a no-show twice. Daphne: Wait 'til your father gets here, I'll give him such a piece of my mind. Eddie comes bounding out of the bedroom, bounces over the furniture and sits by the door. Frasier: If only we had some way of knowing if he was about to arrive. Martin enters. Martin: [to Eddie] Hey, how ya doin', boy? Yeah, glad to see you too. Frasier: So. How was your exam today? Martin: Oh, you know. Everything's pretty routine. Frasier: EKG? Martin: Perfect. Niles: Blood pressure? Martin: Textbook. Frasier: Hope they took a full blood panel. Martin: Oh, yeah. Told them to take two. They're small. Daphne: Ooh, let's have a look. [Martin rolls up his sleeve] Ooh, look at this. A nice, big Band-Aid. [she rips it off his arm] Nice try! Martin: Ouch! What did you do that for? Daphne: Dr. Jennings's office called to reschedule your appointment. You never showed up today. Niles: Dad, this is ludicrous. Why do you keep avoiding the doctor? Martin: Because I feel fine. I'll go to the doctor when I don't feel fine. Besides, I don't like Dr. Jennings. He's got a model of a colon on his desk, he keeps his tongue depressors in it. Frasier: Well, all right Dad, fine. If you don't like him, why don't you go to see my doctor, she's one of the finest gastroenterologists in this city. Martin: She? Oh ho ho, no no. No way. If a doctor's gonna have me bend over, I want to look through my legs and see wingtips. Daphne: Now now, we'll have none of that. We women have been poked and prodded by male doctors for centuries. I say it's high time you gents went to see a doctor of the opposite s*x. See how you like waiting in that room - sitting there all naked and helpless and goose-bumpy. Frasier: Niles, surely you could recommend someone? Niles is staring at Daphne, in a warm, happy world of his own. Frasier: Niles! Niles: I'm sorry, my mind was somewhere else. Rec... OH! I know who you should see - Dr. Gary Newman. His office is in my building, he has a very successful practice, I saw a Lichtenstein hanging in his office. Frasier: Ooh, Lichtenstein. He sounds perfect. Martin: Alright, alright. I'll make an appointment, I'll go see him. Frasier: Oh, now just hang on a second there, mister. I will make the arrangements and I will escort you personally. Martin: Wonderful. I can't wait. Daphne: Oh, stop grumbling. It won't be so bad. Well, unless you have to parade around the office in one of those gowns where your little bum peeks through the back. Frasier: So Niles, what's Dr. Newman's number? But Niles is tuned out again. Frasier: ...Niles? NILES! Niles: I'm sorry, I must have drifted off again. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Dr. Newman's waiting room. Frasier and Martin are waiting, along with an elderly lady. Martin: My appointment was supposed to be half an hour ago, how much longer are we gonna wait for this guy? Come on Frasier, let's get out of here. Frasier: Dad, Dad, just relax. Read a magazine. Oh, here, here. Take the Cosmo quiz. Martin: [reading] "Are your nipples sensitive?" Frasier: Would you mind doing that quietly, it's not an oral exam. Martin: You haven't seen the second question. Did you used to keep your patients waiting like this? Frasier: Oh, just the compulsives. It was part of their therapy. Relax there, I'll take care of it. He goes to the receptionist's cubicle. Frasier: Yes, my father Martin Crane had an appointment thirty minutes ago? Receptionist: Yes, I'm sorry. The doctor's running a little late this morning, but you'll be first up when he gets in. Frasier: When he gets in? My God, where's he coming from, Spokane? Receptionist: Actually he has a long drive in from his weekend house at Lake Shalonne. Frasier: Lake Shalonne? Ooh, this guy must be terrific! He goes back to Martin. Martin: So? Frasier: Dad, relax. He'll be here any minute. [looking around] You know Dad, I was just struck by one of life's little ironies. I remember you taking me to the doctor, and now here I am taking you. Martin: Yeah. I remember when I took you for your first tetanus shot, you were about five or six. Frasier: Oh boy, was I scared. I remember you holding my hand. Martin: Yeah. Bent over that table, dropped your little drawers. When the nurse gave you the shot, you took your mind off it by reciting the names of all of Puccini's operas. Right then I knew you'd never be a cop. Look, I'm serious. I'm not staying any longer, let's go. Frasier: All right dad, look, I'll check and see if there's someone substituting for him. Martin: [to lady] What are you here for? Lady: Lately I've been having this overall sluggish feeling. It's hard even getting out of bed in the morning. Not to mention the cold weather. It's really making my joints hurt. I've started to notice flaking spots on my skin. What about you? Martin: [who wishes he hadn't started this] I have sensitive nipples. Frasier comes back. He is the bearer of bad news. Frasier: Dad? I'm afraid the doctor won't be able to make your appointment today. Martin: Oh, that's just great. These big-shot doctors, they keep you waiting for an hour and then they don't even have the decency to show up! What, play a little slow on the golf course today? That arrogant, inconsiderate jerk! Frasier: Dad, Dad, Dad - Dr. Newman is dead. He died an hour ago. Martin: I'm sure he was a good man. [SCENE_BREAK] WELL, I'M LOUSY AT TENNIS... Scene Three - KACL Frasier is talking to Roz. Frasier: I mean, there he was, walking down his walkway this morning and, he bends over to pick up his newspaper and BANG! - he drops dead of a heart attack. It's just... God, you know? I pick up my newspaper every day. And the Sunday Times is very heavy, I'm thinking of canceling. Roz: Well? These things happen. Frasier: "These things happen?" Roz, how can you say that? My God, this was not an old man, he was my age. Roz: What am I supposed to say? I guess I don't think of these things like you do. Guess it's because you're forty-one and I'm... [laughs] not. Frasier: Don't you ever think about you're own mortality? Don't you ever think about dying? Roz: Well, not me dying, but you know what I have thought about lately? I've been dating this older guy, and what if... you know? [Frasier doesn't] We were in bed together and he dropped dead? Well, it's not out of the realm of possibility. Sometimes he starts breathing very funny and I don't know if he's having a good time or if I've overexcited him to some dangerous level. Frasier: Someone certainly has a very high opinion of herself. Roz: Everybody's good at something. Frasier: Why is it that every time we try to have a serious discussion, we end up talking about your s*x life? Roz: Because I have one. [SCENE_BREAK] A FAMILY MEETING Scene Four - Apartment Martin and Daphne are there. Frasier opens the door for Niles. Frasier: Niles, thank you so much for coming at such short notice. Niles: Hello Dad, Daphne. Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. Niles: Yes, I came as soon as I could. [for Daphne's benefit] I was in the middle of my workout, but, I can always pump iron later. Daphne: Well, I'll just pop into the kitchen and fix us a snack. She exits. Frasier: [taking a large folder over to the table] Pump iron? Niles, you don't even pump your own gas. Niles: All right, all right. Now what is all this nonsense about getting your affairs in order? Frasier: Well, it's this: Dr. Newman dying at such a young age really threw me for a loop. I was trying to figure out why, and I finally realized that I hadn't made the proper provisions for my own death. Daphne: [entering with a bowl and a jar of peanuts] Here we go. She has trouble opening the jar. Niles: Oh! Here, allow me. He takes the jar but has even less success. Frasier distributes files to each person. Frasier: First, the pertinent information. I've prepared copies for each of you. The location and numbers of my bank accounts; [Niles is still struggling with the jar] my safety deposit keys; the number for my attorney... Niles, what are you doing? Oh, give me that! He takes the jar and opens it. Niles: [to Daphne] I loosened it for him. Frasier: Now, the distribution of my personal possessions. Daphne: Oh, I really think this is a matter for family only. Frasier: No, no Daphne, please, I'd like you to stay. I'll come to you later. Dad, Niles, I'd like you to put your names on these stickers, [hands them over] and place them on any object you'd like bequeathed to you. Martin: This is crazy. I'm not going to start putting my name on your stuff. Frasier: Dad, what happens if I die tomorrow, you and Niles end up in an argument about... well, that African mask, for instance? Martin: It'll never happen. Niles, you can have it. Niles: I don't want it. Daphne: Well, don't look at me. I throw a towel over that thing when you're not home. Frasier: Okay, fine. Now we come to the issue of... my remains. Martin: Oh, jeez. Frasier: I've arranged every detail in this easy-to-read binder. [gives binder to Martin] Martin: Oh, this is taking it too far, would you look at this? [reads] "Burial; Casket; Caterers"? Niles: Who are you using? Frasier: Michaelson's. Niles: Oh, they're very good. Excellent. They start discussing the wonder that is Michaelson's. Martin tries to get a word in. Martin: Excuse me. Excuse me! Are we about done? Frasier: Well, there is just one more duck to put in the row. I've done some research and I've discovered that most unexpected deaths occur in the home. And Daphne, this is where you come in, the actual finding of the body. Daphne: Ooh, save the best part for me, eh? Well, that's all right. I'm a health care provider. I've had my fair share of patients Die on me. Martin: That's a comfort. Frasier: Well, perhaps dad's right. Maybe we should just drop the subject. Well, thank you. This meeting has actually made me feel better, I think I can handle my mortality a bit better now. Well, enough talk about death. [produces a bottle of wine] Let's celebrate life with a bottle of Chateau Certair '75 Niles: Oh no, not the '75, I can't let you do that, that's far too good for the likes of us. Frasier: Well, perhaps a bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau would be more appropriate. He goes to find the bottle. Niles takes the bottle of '75 and puts a sticker on it. Martin glares at him. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene Five - Apartment Frasier is lying on the couch with his eyes shut and his fingers in his ears. Eddie is watching him. Martin enters. Martin: Eddie? Ah, there you are. Come on, boy. Frasier, what are you still doing up? [no answer] Frasier! Frasier: Dad, please, shh. I'm trying to listen to my heartbeat. Amazing thing, the human heart. You know, it can pump eighteen hundred gallons of blood through it each and every day, but the tiniest tear in the tiniest part of the tiniest artery and "poof," you're gone. Martin: I thought you were all okay about this stuff now. Frasier: Oh, so did I. What is the matter with me? I guess I thought that putting my affairs in order would help me to deal with this thing, but it hasn't. I... I can't seem to get over the feeling that no matter how remote the possibility, something could happen to me. Jeez, I'd miss so much. I'd never get to see my son hit his first home run. It'd be a terrible thing for a father to miss. Martin: Tell me about it. Look son, let me tell you something. There was this time, a while back, seven or eight of us were on this drug bust. We get the order to go through the front door, and the first guy took one. He was dead before he hit the ground. When you're a cop, you've got to be able to handle things like that, but I... I just couldn't get over it. Every time I had to go in a blind alley, or in a dark building, I just froze. And I knew if I kept being afraid to die, I'd never be able to do my job. Frasier: So what did you do? Martin: I just forced myself to forget about it. Frasier: Just like that? Martin: Just like that. Next time I came across one of those doors, I went right through it. [then] The fact that I got shot in the hip was purely coincidental. Frasier: You were this close to helping me there, Dad. Martin: Look Frasier, just because some doctor dies doesn't mean you're gonna die. Frasier: Yes, but he was just like me. Highly educated, sophisticated, at the top of his profession; I saw a picture of him in a medical journal, he even looked like me. Same determined chin, sweater vest and ever-so-slightly receding hairline. Martin: Look, what do you know about this guy? You don't even know his medical history. Frasier: Actually, you're on to something there, dad. Yeah, yeah. For all I know he could have had high blood pressure, popped pills, drank like a fish... Martin: There you go, it could have been any of those things. Frasier: I'm gonna find out what caused his heart attack. That's the only way I can disassociate myself from him. There's got to be some reasonable explanation. [heads towards bedroom] That's great, dad. Actually, I do feel better now. Martin: Frasier, you've got something on your bathrobe. Frasier: [discovers it's a sticker] Niles... the vultures are circling. [SCENE_BREAK] KRUGEL, FRAS, AND ALLEN Scene Six - Dr Newman's House All his family are there, dressed in black. The door is open. Frasier: Hello? Hello. [he attracts the attention of one of the guests] I called earlier, someone said Mrs. Newman would be here? Allen: Oh, of course, please come in. I'm Allen Freedman. Gary was my cousin. Frasier: Dr. Frasier Crane. My sincerest condolences. So, I didn't think Mrs. Newman would have company. Allen: Oh, the family are sitting Shiva. Frasier: Excuse me? Allen: You're not Jewish, are you? It's our version of a wake. Frasier: Oh - oh, yes. Oh, of course, of course. I didn't realize that Gary was Jewish, you see. Allen: You're kidding. Frasier: Uh, well no. Ah, well, you know, we were pretty close friends, spent a lot of time together - well, never on Friday nights, of course - but ah, you know, maybe I should come back another time. Allen: No no, please. I'm sure Julie'd love to know that you came. She's right over there. [points] Frasier: Oh, she looks busy. I can wait. Allen: Of course. If you'll excuse me? [goes back to table] Frasier notices a black drape hanging over a frame, and lifts it to discover a mirror underneath. An older woman, Aunt Bobbie, sees him. Bobbie: May I help you? Frasier: Ah. I didn't realize this was a mirror, I thought that maybe you were having an unveiling later. Bobbie: You're not Jewish, are you? Frasier: No, no. My, my ex-wife is, though. And, ah, so and thus my son is. Which makes me, ah, sort of... well I guess you could say... [gives up] No, I'm not Jewish. Bobbie: We always cover mirrors at a Shiva. So those grieving don't have to be concerned with their own appearances. Frasier: Ah. Ah well, you look very nice. Bobbie: [relieved] Oh, thank you. It's been driving me crazy. I'm Bobbie, Gary's aunt. Frasier: Dr. Frasier Crane. My deepest sympathies. Bobbie: You're the doctor with the radio show, aren't you? Frasier: Yes, yes. Bobbie: Did you know Gary well? Frasier: Well, yes. Yes, yes I did. Well I, there's so much more I wanted to know about the man. You see, ah... well oh, I don't know, ah... how was his health before he died? Bobbie: Excellent. He was never sick. Frasier: History of heart disease? Bobbie: Oh, no. Frasier: High blood pressure? Bobbie: No. Frasier: High cholesterol? Bobbie: No. Frasier: Do you know what his HDL was in comparison to his LDL? Bobbie: No. Frasier: I'm sorry. I'm asking too many questions. You know how doctors are, always looking for the answers to the mysteries of life. A woman enters, carrying a cake. She's been crying. Bobbie greets her. Bobbie: Oh, Gail. Gail: Aunt Bobbie. [they hug] Bobbie: I know, I know. Gail, I'd like you to meet a friend of Gary's. Dr. Frasier Crane. Gail: Dr. Crane? From the radio? Frasier: Yes. I'm sorry for your loss. Gail: I love your show. [re: her tears] Oh, I... I'm sorry about this. It's just, ah, when I went to pick up this linseed tort I thought of Gary and... Frasier: Oh? So Gary had a fondness for fattening desserts, did he? Gail: Oh. You didn't know Gary very well, did you? If he knew I brought this here, he'd kill me. Allen: Yeah, Gary was a total health fanatic, a strict vegetarian. I used to play basketball with him every Sunday. Frasier: Oh. Oh, so he was sedentary all week, then he was burning up the court on Sundays. Well, that can be very straining on the heart, you know... Bobbie: No, he played at least four times a week. That is, when he wasn't at the gym working out. Gail: Gary was in phenomenal shape. Bobbie: He didn't smoke, never touched caffeine... Allen: Did you know he had less than 10 percent body fat on him? Frasier: My goodness. Has anybody checked to see if he's really dead? [this does not go down well] I'm sure they did check, those people are very thorough. Oh my, is that Krugle? Excuse me. Frasier escapes. He wanders round the room, offering his condolences to people and finds himself standing beside Mrs. Newman. Frasier: I'm Dr Frasier Crane, I was a friend of your husband's. Newman: Dr. Crane? From...? Frasier: Yes, the radio. Newman: Gary never mentioned you. Frasier: Well, we weren't actually friends. He had an office in my brother's building. Newman: And you took the time to come down here. His own partner didn't even stay fifteen minutes. That's really sweet of you. Frasier: Well, actually I... there's a reason I came to talk with you. Newman: Which is? Frasier: It's about Gary. About how he, er... Newman: Yes? Frasier realizes this whole outing has been a bad idea. Frasier: Look, I'm sorry I've bothered you. Ah, I really just came to offer my sympathies. He starts to get up. Newman: Oh no, wait. Um, Dr. Crane? I listen to you all the time, and uh - well, maybe you can help me? What would you tell someone who called into the show and said they can't get over why someone died? I keep running this over and over in my mind and... I just can't understand how someone like Gary, who did everything right, can just die. I can't make any sense of it. Frasier: Mrs. Newman, I... I know you'd like me to come up with some grand answer to this whole thing. But I, I don't have one. There are none. Someone who consumes nothing but cigarettes and cheeseburgers all his life can live to be eighty-three, and someone who takes care of himself can die at forty-one. It's unfair. Believe me, there's no explanation for it. Believe me, I've checked. But, I suppose the best we can do is live for the little joys and surprises life affords us. You can't spend your life being obsessed with death. Newman: You're not Jewish, are you? Frasier: No. No I'm not. Well, thank you for letting me be here today. Newman: Oh, thank you for coming, Dr. Crane. He starts to leave. Bobbie: Oh, Dr. Crane? It was very nice what you said about living life for the little joys and surprises it can give us. Frasier: Yes. Bobbie: Thank you. Frasier: [quietly, to himself] If only I believed it myself. He goes to the door, but is stopped by an attractive woman. Woman: Excuse me? Um, this is clearly the most inappropriate thing I've ever done in my life, but... I was watching you, and um, I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to see you again, and something about you tells me that I'd like to. Here. [gives him her card] If you'd like to get together sometime, give me a call. [moves off] Frasier leaves, his spirits lifted. End of Act Two. [SCENE_BREAK] Daphne is folding some ironing, looking very uncomfortable. She takes a towel from the basket and throws it over the African mask.

After the premature death of Martin's physician, who was similar to Frasier in physique, behavior and temperament, Frasier begins to obsess about his own mortality. Putting his affairs in order, he becomes determined to find more about the physician to the point he decides to attend his shiva .

fd_Queer_As_Folk_04x04

fd_Queer_As_Folk_04x04_0

[This Old Bath House has undergone a remarkable transformation, thanks to Brian's interior designer gay genes and amazing superpowers. A few finishing touches are still being applied, but Kinnetic is up and running in its new space. Justin is impressed - and amused.] Justin: The last time I was here, it was No Towels Night. Brian: And a hundred guys wanted to touch my stiffie. Justin: Mr. Popular! And I'm the only one you f*cked. Brian: Lucky you. [They pass a worker who appears to be hanging wallpaper or doing something to the walls, anyway.] Brian: It's a nice work, Tommy. Tommy: Thanks, Mr.Kinney Justin: Leave it to you to turn a bath house into the worldwide headquarters of Kinnetic, Inc. [They enter the inner sanctum of Brian's office, which strikes a familiar chord] Justin: (laughs) The old steam room. It's the first place we ever f*cked in public. Brian: Nothing like performing in front of a live audience. Justin: Who said some of those guys were alive? [Cynthia comes in with an ad mock-up for approval.] Cynthia: The add design want to know they see the mark-ups. Hi, Justin. Brian: Yeah, can you tell Manner he can use the 300 dph and shoot at me back to my approveal fast. Deadline is six. Cynthia: Also Brown Athletics called and ask to meet. Said they hate what Vanguard did with them account. Brian: Yeah, wonder why. Tell them I have a meeting and I call them tomorrow? Cynthia: Oh, and your accountant left a message. The check for the Endovir ad will definitely be wired to Heat Magazine by the end of the business day tomorrow. Brian: It better be. Our lives are depending on it. Well? Move! Cynthia: God! (To Justin as she leaves) I love my job. Justin: I love it when you get bossy. Brian: Well, what do you say we christen my new office? I have fifteen minutes before I have to approve ad copy. Justin: Always the romantic! But I have a strategy meeting with the Posse. [He kisses Brian and leaves.] [Michael, Ben and Hunter are sitting at the counter in the diner. Michael is reading aloud from the foster parent application.] Michael: "In a brief paragraph, explain why you want to become foster parents." Sounds like an assignment for you, Professor. Ben: How about we want to give a child the love and support he needs to help him fulfill his dreams and achieve his goals? Hunter: I happen to be eating! Don't make me puke. Ben: It may not win a Pulitzer Prize, but I think it says it all. Michael: Oh, sh1t, look at this! It says Social Services may drop by for a visit at any time, unannounced. Ben: What can they do? We've got nothing to hide. Hunter: Except for that double-headed dildo. Michael: Hey! Any dildo we might have is hidden away where no one can find it. Hunter: Wanna bet? Michael: Listen smart-ass. From now on there will be no more lewd comments. There will be no more sexual innuendo. Hunter: So much for conversation. [It's Emmett, looking a little worse for the wear, with last night's trick.] Emmett: Hello, men! And (to Hunter) little men! Michael: You look exhausted! Ben: You out clubbing all night? Emmett: Well, ever since I moved in with my favorite lesbians, I'm trying to be a model houseguest. The trouble is, I have no place to "entertain"! Hunter: Doorways are always good. So are back alleys, under parked trucks - [Michael gives him a look.] Hunter: I used to f*ck for a living, remember? Emmett: Right! Well, expert professional tips are always welcome! However, we elected to try the cemetery. Didn't we, Gordon? Trick: Jordan. Emmett: Jordan. It's actually kind of erotic in a creepy, macabre sort of way. [Enter Debbie, carrying a basket of laundry which she plunks down on the counter.] Debbie: Here is your laundry, boys! I don't name any names but I had a hell to left skidmarks on his size 28 tighty whities.] Hunter: Christ! [He exits in a state of acute embarrassment.] Michael: Ma, I told you, you didn't have to do this! Debbie: I know I didn't have to do this. I wanted to do it. Just like I wanted to make you dinner! Michael: For the last three nights. Debbie: And grout your tiles. Ben: It took you two days. Debbie: You got a problem with that, do you, Ben? Ben: No, Debbie! No problem at all. We love having you around. Debbie: Good. Because I love being with my boys. [Debbie eyes land on Emmett, who's now sitting at a booth with Gordon/Jordan.] Debbie: Say, Em, honey? You wanna take those off, cause I can wash those grass stains off in a jiff. [She's referring to the stains on the knees of Emmett's jeans from last night's romp in the cemetery.] [It's at a gym. This is a funky place where boxers go to train. Cody and Justin are in the ring. Cody demonstrates a few sparring moves, then watches Justin's attempt to imitate them.] Cody: Not bad! Now if you want to really take down the m*therf*cker, grab him like this (grabs Justin around the neck, bringing him down to the floor) - choke the sh1t out of him and kick him in the balls! OK, who's next? [The other members of the Posse don't like where this is headed.] Boy#1: I thought we were supposed to be protecting people. Boy#2: Not train to become an elite killing squad. Cody: We're ably to stop trouble before it starts. Justin: Find them before they find us. Boy#3: I'm not goin' out and kicking fights! Boy#4: It's not what I'm sign up to do. Girl#1: This is f*cked. Cody: What's f*cked is waiting around for someone else to get bashed. We need to stick up with them. So, I show you the way. Boy#3: Show long yourself. Justin: Cody's right. We can't sit around and wait for something to happen. If we wanted to be affective we have to take the initiative. [The Pink Posse is now down to just two members.] Cody: f*ckin' pussies! Let them go. Who needs them anyway. C'mon. [Mel & Lindz are in the kitchen with a mousy-looking lesbian couple who Melanie's representing in a custody battle.] Jeanette: How old is Gus now? Lindsay: How about three. Jeanette: Wow. Anna: Same age is Garreth before they gave them to my ex-husband. Damn. [She starts to cry.] Jeanette: It's alright, honey. Anna: God, I hate when I cry, don't you? Mel: There've been a lot of changes in the law since that decision. Lindsay: Not to mention in the world. Mel: It also doesn't hurt that the judge who's hearing your appeal has a gay-friendly track record. Lindsay: And that you have a brilliant lawyer. Jeanette: You don't have to tell us. Anne: I couldn't be done without you. Lindsay: Dinner's ready. So let's eat. [It's dinnertime at the Novotny-Bruckner household. Michael is stressing over the impending social worker visit.] Ben: I thoughed we're eating and not re-decorate all by flowers. Michael: I think it's obsessive. You're obviously dominate. So, what is such earth the beautify? Ben: Michael, it says the social worker may, I repeat may show up. Michael: Who said we're that lucky. Like Mel said, gay parents have to be better than straight parents. Ben: Well, I think your worry, concern and obsessive- compulsiveness are totally neurotic. You're adorable. I say let's just be ourselves. It's good enough. [They kiss. Just then Hunter strolls into the living room, clad only in his tighty whities.] Hunter: Careful! You want the social worker to come here and see two homos kissing? Michael: Would you put on some clothes? [Ignoring him, Hunter grabs some juice from the fridge, swigging directly from the carton.] Michael: And use a glass - ! Hunter: Dude, you need to take a chill pill. [Hunter plops down on the couch.] Michael: I just fluffed those pillows! [There's a knock at the door. Michael freezes.] Michael: Get on the sofa and get some clothes! Now! [He does and goes in his room.] Ben: Everything looks great, just calm down. Hysteria isn't gonna help. [He pulls open the door. Deb breezes in, holding a tray of food.] Debbie: It's cannelloni night! [Michael and Ben appear to be paralyzed by shock. ] Debbie: I paced around and you two are the lucky receivers. Michael: Ma! Debbie: [to Ben] You wanna warm this up? Ben: Debbie, I already made dinner. Soilor with mushrooms and fruits. Debbie: Uh-huh. So, you wanna warm this up? Michael: Ma, please not tonight. Debbie: Why don't tonight? Hunter: [all clothes] I thoughed you were a social worker! Debbie: Honey, I'm the social director! So come on in and sit down. [she sneeze by the flowers] Take this fuckin flowers away, honey. [Under the orange lights, Justin gives Brian a blowjob. Brian holds his hand, dragging it up the length of his body. Afterwards, they kiss. Brian rolls on top of Justin. Then Justin rolls on top of Brian.] Justin: Tonight it's your turn. Brian: (laughs) That's what you think. [They wrestle a little. It's playful - at least on Brian's side. So he's unprepared for Justin's next move.] Justin: Tell you what. We'll fight for it. [Justin gets out of bed.] Justin: C'mon. Brian: Get your ass back into bed. Justin: Why don't you get yours out? What's the matter? You scared? Brian: Yeah, I'm incapacitated with fear. Justin: Then what're you waiting for? [Brian gets out of bed and Justin starts right in with his sparring moves.] Brian: Where'd you learn to fight? Justin: Cody taught me. The other night I took out a straight guy. Brian: I've taken out a couple of those myself. Hey, watch the face, asshole! Justin: C'mon, old man. Brian: What'd you call me? Justin: You heard me. Geezer! [They each get in a shot to the face. Painful, but no damage. They move into the living room. They're both still naked. As far as Brian's concerned, the "fight" is over.] Brian: Careful, sonny. You're gonna get hurt. [He puts his arm around Justin's neck. Justin pulls him down to the floor where they start wrestling.] Justin: I don't care if I get hurt, as long as I hurt them more. Brian: They're not all assholes. Justin: That's a laugh coming from you, you're the biggest f*cking heterophobe of all time. You always said there's only two kinds of straight people in the world, the ones that hate you to your face and the kind that hates you behind your back. You know what? Brian: What? Justin: You were right. [Back to the Land of the Boring Lesbians. Melanie is burning the midnight oil, working on her big case. Lindsay comes in to give her a little pep talk.] Mel: I know, I promised. I'll get back. Lindsay: Did I say anything? Mel: You don't have to. I'll stop. [She closes her book. Lindsay goes in front of her and open the book.] Lindsay: I feel so sorry for Jeanette. All I can think of was "Thank God it's not us.". And how lucky they are. To have you to speach up with. If Michael and Justin should create a superwoman character based on you. Mel: Dino Dyke? Lindsay: Not bad. Mel: Unfortunately this case doesn't need any superpower just long hard hours. Lindsay: I wish I could help. Mel: You already have. More than you know. [Lindz yawn just when Mel was kissing her.] Mel: See? I should press my superpowers. Lindsay: No, no, no, it's not you. It's late. Mel: Why you went to bed? [At the comic store, Emmett tells Mikey his tale of woe:] Emmett: Well, first we went to the bath. Then somehow we go to the Matrix, what isn't exactly romantic. So finally we went home to his mother. And I went home to Mel and Lindz. Michael: Maybe you find your own place. [Vic enters the shop.] Vic: You have any ideas how hard it is to find quer legs in the town? I went to three markets. Michael: You're looking great, Uncle Vic. Vic: Must be that anti-aging cream. In a couple of years, I'll be ready for high school. Michael: I was referring to an inner glow. Vic: Oh, Michael, to finally be alone with the man you love - ? What am I telling you for? You know! Michael: Yeah, I know. To finally be alone with the man you love, the mother you love - Vic: Oh, no! Michael: I didn't realize what a tremendous debt I owe you for taking a bullet for me all these years. Vic: If only I'd known, I never would' ve left. Michael: No, you did the right thing. This is not your problem, it's mine. She's my mother and I have to explain to her that as much as I love her, there have to be boundaries. Vic: You're going to need more than boundaries with your mother. You're going to need a border patrol. [Cut to Cody and Justin at a bookstore where Cody apparently works.] Cody: When you read this? [to shows him a book] Justin: When I was nine. Cody: Yeah, then try it again. Especially the part when Hook freeze Jim from slavery. He knows he's goining against every society and religion methotic. They could beat them out the hell. He doesn't care. You gonna bail too? Justin: f*ck, no! Except maybe we went a little too far the other night. Cody: That guy was a raging asshole. He deserved to get the sh1t beat out of him. Justin: I don't know. When I told Brian, he kind of - Cody: What the f*ck are you telling other people for? The posse business stays between us! Justin: Come ON. Brian's my boyfriend. And he thinks what we're doing is crazy. Cody: Crazy. You wanna see crazy? [Cut to Cody and Justin at a church service. The preacher is ranting about the evils of homosexuality. In fact, it seems to be the entire subject of the sermon.] Minister: A man who lays with a men will burn in hell. "I should not lies with men-kind as with woman- kind. It is a abomination." I didn't think this up, folks. This is gods holy word. And if you here tonight, guilty of the sin of homosexual then you are on the brought, winding road that lead to eternal domination! Community: Amen! Justin: [whispers to Cody] This is go on every night? Cody: [whispers back] Just Wednesday and Sunday. Justin: I can't believe you come here. Cody: No line enemy. Justin: Sounds like the bible. Cody: It's in front of mind. [A woman sshh them.] Minister: ...because Jesus loves you, my children. And Jesus can change you! woman#1: Oh yes, he can! Minister: It's all right here in God's holy word. woman#1: Praise Jesus! [As Cody and Justin leave, the minister speaks to them.] Woman#2: Your sermon was an inspiration, pastor. Minister: With God, Laurie. He spoke right through me tonight. So good to have you young men to service tonight. Justin: [sarcastic] It was very inspiring. Minister: Thank god to glorie. Cody: Mind if I ask you a few question, pastor? Minister: Please. Cody: This book. We have to believe all of this? Not just something, right? Minister: That's right. Cody: So, do you like shrimp? Minister: Well as a matter of fact, I do. Cody: Because in the Bible before it comes with men lies with men it also comes it's an abomination to eat shellfish and shrimp. Minister: What's your point, young man? Cody: I believe the point is, if you can eat shrimp, we can eat cock! Minister: Son, you need the Lord. You need to accept Jesus. Cody: Oh, I accept Jesus. It's assholes like you I have a problem with! [Cody goes with Justin hand in hand away.] [Cut to Brian and Michael playing pool at Woody's. Brian is talking on his cellphone.] Brian: I want the four court comes on my desk next thing in the morning. A conference at ten so that he can sign off. [he hangs up] When it's your own business, the sign on the door says, "We never close." Come to think of it, that's what it used to say on the old bath house door. It's your shot. [Michael makes a bad shot.] Michael: sh1t! Brian: Off your game? Michael: Waiting for the social worker to arrive is making me nuts! Brian: You've got nothing to worry about. You and the Professor are the world's greatest foster parents. Michael: Thanks, Brian! Brian: Besides, who else'd want the little fucker? [Enter Emmett, with trick du nuit in tow.] Emmett: Michael, Brian, this is Cant. Trick#2: Trent. Emmett: Trent. Uh, would you excuse us. I'll be with you in a second. Brian, I'm just kind of a spot. See, Trent, uh Kent is this really interesting person and it's very deep. Brian: I'll bet. Emmett: And I was wondering, and I know it's a really huge favor for making me eternial grateful if I could use your place just for an hour? [Brian gives him a stony stare. Emmett wavers.] Emmett: Half an hour? Ten minutes, tops? [Brian says nothing.] Emmett: Well, don't about us. We'll be fine. [Brian's cellphone rings again.] Brian: What's up? What do you mean it didn't get there? There was a transferred this morning. Well, call Wertshafter and tell him... WHAT?! sh1t. f*ck! Michael: Good news, dear? Brian: My goddam accountant was supposed to wire the money for the Endovir ads to Heat but it never arrived. Michael: Call him in the morning and have him straighten it out. Brian: They're out of the office till Monday and the deadline's tomorrow night. I'm gonna lose my one big account. I'm gonna get so f*cked! Guy: [passing by] You and me both, honey! Michael: Wait a minute. Wertshafter's your accountant? You know who used to work for Wertshafter? [Ted's speaking at a 12-step meeting.] Ted: I'm Ted, I'm a crystal meth addict - This is my sixth week of recovery. I'll guess it all start it when I was struckling with feeling worthless, depression, no-where to go one, so in the moment of sphere I decided to try with... [Brian strides up to the podium and interrupts him.] Brian: C'mon. I need you. Ted: Jesus, Brian, can't you see I'm sharing? Brian: (to the audience) It's nothing you haven't heard before. Did drugs, f*cked around, hit bottom, regrets it deeply. Let's go. [Ignoring Ted's protests, Brian just drags him off the podium and out of the meeting.] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cut to Kinnetic's offices.] Ted: How could you do that? The rule is you never interrupt someone when they're sharing! Brian: It's not my club, not my rules. Ted: You are un-fucking-believable! [He stops and looks around.] Ted: Why do I feel like I've been here before? Brian: Drop to your knees and imagine a cock in your mouth. It'll come to you. [He nudges Ted over to the computer and forcibly sits him down in front of it.] Brian: Here's the deal. My idiot accountant - the same dick that fired your ass for jacking off at your computer - Ted: Wertshafter? Brian: - was supposed to transfer 20 grand from my account into Heat Magazine's account but they f*cked it up. Ted: That's no surprise. But what do you want me to do about it? Brian: Find it. And fix it. And get it to them by midnight. Ted: By midnight. Brian: Or sooner. Ted: Simple request. Only I can't do it. I'm out of shape. I haven't crunched a number in years! And besides, I'm a singer now. Brian: Listen to me! Are you listening? You may be a pathetic drug addict who lost everything, your dignity, your livelihood, your lover, your name, the respect and trust of everyone you know - Ted: No one gives a pep talk like you, Brian! Brian: But there's one thing you haven't lost. You're still an accountant! That's who you are! Not even the lowest form of degradation can take that away from you. Now. Let's live in the solution, not the problem! [Melanie arrives at the office.] Mel: Sorry, I'm late. I was in the doctor's office because every woman in Pittsburgh's pregnant. Larry: Melanie, I have some news. Mel: I'll was up all night to finish my final recogment. Larry: First will you hear the newest news? Mel: Sure, Larry, what's up? Larry: The replace judge Rilly to another case. Mel: With whom? Larry: Judge Randal Walker. Mel: Isn't he the one who help the firing a back allay elementry teacher? Larry: That's our boy. Mel: That's to bad. Larry: You have to redocument... Mel: It doesn't mean we don't have a chance. Except we have to rework our argument. Beside my clients have trust in me. I have no intention to let her down. [After dinner, Michael, Ben and Hunter doze in front of the TV while Debbie watches the movie, totally enthralled.] Debbie: I just love Some Like It Hot! I could watch it over and over and over! Michael: We have! Debbie: So who's up for All About Eve? Ben: I have some writing I need to finish. Michael: And Hunter has homework. Hunter: I don't mind! Debbie: There's always time for Bette Davis! Hunter: Who's Bette Davis? Debbie: Who's Bette Davis? This kid needs a real education. Michael: Homopiece Theatre's over for this evening. (To Hunter) Go on. [He clicks off the TV.] Debbie: Alright, you boys go whatever it is you need to do. I'll just sit here and play solitaire. [Michael and Ben exchange looks.] Michael: Ma, Uncle Vic and I were talking... Debbie: You and Vic? Michael: All about you. And I know you must feel lonely because he's gone but you can't keep coming over here. You gotta find something to do on your own. You know, have friends of your own. Debbie: Well, I'm so glad that you and my brother know how I feel and what I'll should be doin'. Ben: It's not that they brought in your horizones. Debbie: I brought enough, thanks! Ben: Debbie, it wasn't a critizied. Debbie: Well, it sound it like one. Michael: Don't take it out on Ben. It's just a suggestion. Debbie: Well fine, I'll make one for you. MYOB. You got a helluva nerve, you know? After I do your laundry and I make your dinner - Michael: You wanna spray for termites too? Debbie: Don't you open your mouth to me, young man! And you're not so young. You're old enough to show me a little respect. Michael: I do show respect! Debbie: By telling your own mother that she's not welcome in your house? Michael: I never said that. Ben: He never said that! Debbie: "You can't keep coming over here?" How'd you like if I said that to you? "Get out of my house!" There were plenty of times when I wanted to do it, when I could have used a little peace and quiet. [Hunter comes out of his room, wearing just his undies.] Hunter: Hey, can you keep it down? I'm trying to do my homework. Ben: C'mon, you two! Debbie: Keep the f*ck out of this! [Somebody knocks on the door.] Debbie: But I didn't do it because a mother's love knows no bounds! Michael: Well, I wish it would! Debbie: So what? You want to have one of those mothers who doesn't give a crap? Michael: Well, I can dream, can't I? [Hunter goes to answer it, in his underwear. It's the social worker.] Ms.Simmons: I'm Constance Simmons from the social services. I want to speak to Mr.Bruckner and Mr.Novotny. Hunter: Oh, sh1t! Come in. Debbie: Maybe you don't f*cking remember that I raised you all by myself! I haven't no f*cking help from everyone! Michael: How can I'm not f*cking remember? You never let me f*cking forget?! Hunter: Guys, that's Mr.Bruckner and that's Mr.Novotny. This is the lady from social services. [At Kinnetic, Ted keys in password after password. Nothing works.] Ted: Let's try this... nope. OK, let's try this... Nope. sh1t, I don't know how to get in this goddamn system! Brian: You have to. You're f*cking worked there! [Brian's cell phone rings.] Brian: Hello. Yeah, the money's being transfer as we speek. Is good as there. [he hangs up] Ted: No, it's not! Brian: You want make a liar out of me? Ted: Look, I'm not supposed to put some stress in my life. My programms specific takes... Brian: Divine you accomplishment and got it. Ted: Let's see, the last password that he used was his daughter birthday 091574. [Error] Then was his wifes 112146. [Error] Therefore was his mothers 062833. [Error] Brian: You remember all what I didn't remember. Ted: Wait, wait, wait. He has a grand-daughter. It's valentines date 2001. I remember until I didn't have a date. 021401. Oh my god, we're in. [Obviously, Emmett's going to have to get his own place. He brings his trick back to his room at Lindz & Mel's. This is against the rules they agreed on and it's also loud enough to wake up Mel and Lindz. They have s*x in his room and when they come his trick howling so loud that even Mel and Lindz are wake up.] [At Kinnetic, Brian and Ted smoke post-money-transfer cigarettes.] Brian: You were f*cking amazing. Ted: Yeah, I was pretty good, wasn't I? Brian: It was genius, sheer genius. Ted: Nothing that a conscientious accountant with a knowledge of the system couldn't have done. Brian: It was YOU, Theodore Schmidt. You did it. And you can keep on doing it starting Monday morning. [Ted's stunned.] Ted: Are you sayin'? Brian: Will you work for me? Ted: Jesus, Brian, I never dreamed that you, of all people, would ask me, of all people - Brian: That makes two of us. Ted: I can't tell you how much your offer means to me. Brian: Then don't. Just say yes. Ted: I... Brian: ...will? Ted: I... Brian: ...accept? Ted: I...can't. I'm not ready. I'm sorry. [The morning after the noisy f*ck, Emmett comes down to breakfast looking a little sheepish.] Lindsay: Hot milk? Emmett: No, thanks. I'm not hungry. Lindsay: A donut? Emmett: Alright, you have me. Lindsay: So, how you sleep? Emmett: Like a baby. You? Lindsay: Great, exept for this terrible howling... Emmett: What I can explain. Lindsay: No need. We've heard, loud and clear. Emmett: Believe me I had no idea I brought home wolfman. Lindsay: I thoughed we've made an agreement. Emmett: And I broke it. It's monsun and... [she looks at him] OK, no excuse. I'll promise I never do it again. Lindsay: I hope you do it again just not here. Emmett: The problem is where? Lindsay: The solution is pretty simple? Don't you think? Emmett: My own place. It's that I'm never lived alone before. After I left Hazelhurst I came up here and then Michael and Teddy and now you're and Mel. Lindsay: So maybe it's time. Who knows maybe you find someone you like it. Be able to come and go. Emmett: And come. Lindsay: As you please. [Mel's workplace. Jeanette and Anna are there] Jeanette: Mel says it's gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright? Anna: But after what you told us about the new judge? Mel: Look there is no denying that we have an additional hearing to come. But it's not impossible. Besides you knows as well as I do no victory comes easily. Anna: Thank you, Mel. Mel: We're gonna get through this. Larry: Sorry for interrupted. You have a minute? Mel: Would you excuse me? [Once they're alone he speaks up.] Larry: Would you please listen what I have to say? Mel: I heard what you had to say! And the answer is no f*cking way! Larry: You read Readworkers records. He's in the dark ages. Mel: Then we must enlighting him! Larry: You know goddamn well what I'm saying is best for the case and for the client. Mel: YOU taking over. Larry: At least I'm someone he can realte to. Mel: A straight white male lawyer. Larry: No, we have an unfriendly judge and a gay mother and look who's defending her? A pregnant lesbian. Mel: Exactly. Who knows better what she's goin' through then I do? Larry: It doesn't mean you're the one who say it! Right now we can't afford to take that risk. Mel: Oh all of a sudden I'm a risk. If you think I worked day and night for month pull my guts into this case only to see it take away by one of the little boys... Larry: I'm not tryin' to take it away from you. This will be still your case. You're work will still be there, you will still be there. Mel: Sitting behind you. Sorry Larry, no way. And given the confidence and support my clients there is no way to allowed that either. [Cut to Ted at Rigoletto's. Ted's finished his sing from an opera. He has an epiphany when a group of old biddies want separate checks.] Waitress: I understand but you should requested several checks before you place the order. Woman#1: I want to see the manager. Ted: I apply this. Who had the lasagne? Woman#2: I did and I had a glass of cieanti. Woman#3: Make that two. Woman#2: She only had one. And Ida, she's the birthday person. Ted: Oh, happy birthday. Ida: Oh, how sweet, dear. Thank you. Woman#3: She had the campy and the ice tea. Woman#2: And we all get a salat. Ted: OK, so that $14,73 for you include taxes. And who had the peal pharma? Woman#2: Me do. Ted: OK, you're five with the birthday group so your grand total is $ 18,45 and the other lady brings it to $13,63 [All ladies applauds him.] Waitress: How you do that? Woman#2: You've got a nice voice, young man, but if you ask me, you should've been an accountant. It's in your blood. [Back to Ben and Michael. Michael's despondent. After what happened the other night, he's convinced they don't stand a chance of being approved as foster parents.] Michael: Well, it was nice while it lasted. Ben: We don't know anything for certain. Michael: Yeah, we do. The look on Ms. Simmons' face said it all: Get that kid away from those crazy people immediately! [Hunter calls over from the couch.] Hunter: You guys don't have to whisper. I have 20-20 hearing. [Nobody answers.] Hunter: Think she'll take me with her tonight? Ben: They can't do that. Michael: They can do anything they damn well please! [There's a knock on the door.] Ben: Getting more upset didn't help. Michael: Right. I'll get upset. [Ben gets it. It's Debbie, looking contrite and subdued.] Debbie: Hey, Ben. Michael: Jesus, mom... Debbie: You wanna slam the door on my face, I'll understand. Michael: Good. [Michael's inclined to do that but Ben intervenes and tries to play peacemaker.] Ben: Hey. Come in, Debbie. Debbie: If I've done anything to f*ck up your chances for keeping that kid, I will never forgive myself. Michael: That'll make two of us! Ben: There is not only your fault. The things got... [There's another knock on the door. Yep - Ms. Simmons is back.] Ms.Simmons: Hello Mr.Bruckner. Mr.Novotny. Mrs.Novotny what a surprise. Debbie: Hopefully not as much as last time. Michael: Ms. Simmons, I know when you were here the other night, it didn't look like Hunter belonged here, but I want you to know how much Ben and I care about him. And we know we'd be very good foster parents if you'd just give us a chance. Ms. Simmons: I agree. With all due respect, I have a mother, too. We're always going at each other, but that doesn't mean we don't love each other. In fact, we wouldn't fight so much if we didn't. So when I come across what I saw here, I know what it is. Because it's not something I see very often. It's called love. [Kinnetic. Brian at his desk late at night, with his sleeves rolled up, doing paperwork. Ted the singing accountant are there.] Ted: I see long hard hours in the old steam room. Brian: Well, I like to. Ted: Doing your own books, I see. Brian: It's someone I can trust. Ted: Look, Brian, I've reconsidered your offer and if the position - make that, opportunity - is still available, I'd like to take you up on it. Brian: What made you change your mind? Ted: Ida Friedman's 80th birthday. And the obvious but nonetheless belated realization that my true calling is not to mutilate some opera beside pasta. But as you said, to be what I truly am. An accountant. Brian: You can start first thing Monday morning. Ted: I'll be here, boss. [He starts to leave. Brian looks up from his work.] Brian: Oh, and Theodore, if you f*ck up, I'll have you murdered. [Ted starts to laugh, then stops when he realizes that Brian isn't kidding.] [Justin and Cody are prowling the streets, stopping trouble before it starts. They approach a building, maybe a club or something, with some people hanging out in front. A guy and a girl start macking on each other. Justin and Cody position themselves next to the couple and start sucking face. The girl looks over.] Girl: Uh, it's disgusting. Justin: You mean this? [They make out some more.] Guy: f*cking freaks. C'mon. [He and the girl head for their car which is parked in a nearby alley. Cody and Justin follow.] Cody: Hey, asshole! You and your bitch are freaks. Guy: f*ck you, faggot. [Cody picks a fight with the guy, who shoves him. They scuffle and then the guy pulls out a knife.] Guy: You wanna mess with me? Huh? Huh? [Justin freaks. Cody pulls out a gun. Justin really freaks.] Cody: Yeah, we wanna mess with you. Drop the knife. Drop-the- fucking-knife! Guy: Please, men. Cody: Don't say please! Say you're sorry. Say "I'm so very sorry." Guy: I'm so very sorry. Cody: Yeah, you bet you are. You straight piece of sh1t! Now politely excuse yourself. [He lets the couple get in their car and drive away. They ran away.] Cody: I said politly! [Cody and Justin escape to yet another alley.] Justin: Where the f*ck did you get a gun? Cody: Where I grew up, everyone had one. Justin: You could have killed him. [Cody pulls the trigger, which clicks harmlessly. It's not loaded. Justin looks somewhat relieved.] Cody: It was just meant to scare them. Justin: Yeah, well, it worked. It scared the sh1t out of me. I've never even held a gun before. [Cody hands him the gun.] Cody: Go on. Justin: It's heavier than I thought. It's cold. Cody: It'll heat up. [Justin smiles and think that Brian used the same sentence on his first meeting] Does it make you hard? Justin: Maybe. Cody: The same thing happened to me my first time. [Cody gives Justin a hand job with one hand, while holding the gun in the other. Black screen.]

Brian turns to Ted for help with his new agency. Justin and Cody take the Pink Posse to a violent level. Melanie struggles to separate personal feelings from her professional responsibility as a lawyer when a case is taken away from her. The social worker's visit to Michael and Ben's doesn't quite go as planned.

fd_Justified_06x09

fd_Justified_06x09_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Raylan: You're gonna sell dope whether it's legal or not. But you set your sights this high, you're gonna keep running into folks like him. Loretta: So, you're saying walk away from weed? Raylan: Next couple weeks, just put two big guys out front. Katherine: Whoever killed Simon Poole is probably the same person who killed Grady in prison, all at the behest of whoever ratted on Grady to begin with. Art: And you think it's Markham? Well, the guy who ratted on Grady turned my life to sh1t, and I want something like that to happen to him. Markham: Walker is burned. Got to stay out of that fire he started. It's about loyalty. And I need yours. Boyd: That stack of money in Markham's vault, It's got to be $10 million, Ava. You help Raylan put me away. What's he got to offer you? A clean slate and witness protection? Ava: 50 grand. Boyd: Here's 50 grand. And there's $10 million. Raylan: What happened in Bulletville? You in trouble? Ava: No. Raylan: The dynamite Zachariah had ain't to blow the doors off the vault. It's for the rock below. Boyd's gonna blast up from underneath. Rachel: What's the bad news? Raylan: Ava's burned. Rachel: You sure? Raylan: Pretty sure. Rachel: So, this is all based on a hunch. Raylan: When you phrase it like that, it's mildly insulting. Art: So, did Boyd find out and put Ava under duress, or did she just break? Raylan: Well, chief, I ... [sighs] I'm sorry, who are we addressing as chief? Rachel: Me. Art: Her. Raylan: Well, Mr. Mullen, I can't say for certain. All I can say for certain is that she's flipped. If I'm wrong, you can have Arlo's place. Art: And what if you're right? Raylan: You can still have it. I can't give it away. Vasquez: Wait a second. Are we worried about Ava? Rachel: There's a chance she may have been compromised. Vasquez: Well, that's not really a surprise given the fact that Boyd now has $100,000 and has no doubt promised her millions more. You didn't think I knew about your little reward? Raylan: Just attempting to move the case along. That's all that was. Vasquez: Instead, you might've gotten your C.I. to switch sides. Rachel: This case isn't dependant on whether or not Ava flipped. Vasquez: That's not necessarily true. At this point, we have Boyd connected to just about every crime in Lexington. But if you want to get him under RICO, you want to really bury him, then you need the cooperation of his criminal associates, the closest of which is Ava. Well, if she's flipped, well, then her involvement's tainted and so is her testimony. Art: Only way to be sure would be to have another C.I. in the Boyd camp. Vasquez: Sure, that's not complicated. Let's get another C.I. Art: I actually think I might be able to help with that. [door opens] Wynn: Forget something, Mikey? Art: Oh! Holy sh1t. That's pretty high on the list of things I wish I'd never seen. Wynn: You should've thought of that before you barged into my hotel room uninvited. Raylan: All right, if you just calm down, we'll explain why we're here. Wynn: I don't care why you're here. I don't want an explanation. I just want you two to get your bony white asses out of my ... [grunts] [screams] Raylan: You see these? Wynn: I can't see sh1t. Raylan: Well, these are case files we need to discuss with you once you calm down. Wynn: Okay! Raylan: You gonna calm down? Wynn: Yes! Art: You don't sound calm. Wynn: Let me out of here, I'll calm down! Raylan: And we can have a civil conversation? Wynn: Fine. [groans] Jesus Christ, Raylan. You're supposed to be the grown-up. Art: Ah, you're only as young as you feel, Duffy. Raylan: Take a look. Wynn: Where did you get this? Art: That came from an old-time U.S. Attorney named Simon Poole, and it was sealed about 15 years ago. Wynn: This is bullshit. Raylan: Want to go back in the tanning booth? Wynn: I had an agreement with your people that my involvement ... Raylan: You had an arrangement with Simon Poole, And if you got a problem, you take it up with him. Wynn: He's dead. Raylan: Well, that's unfortunate. Art: He was murdered around the same time those records were sealed. Wonder if that's a coincidence. Hmm. Wynn: Congratulations. You got me. I was a rat. The ship was sinking, and I didn't want to go down with it. So what? Raylan: We ain't here to judge. Art: We just want you to do it again. Wynn: And how about if I ask you to lick my balls? Raylan: In that case, we're probably gonna leave. Art: This is not a civil conversation. Raylan: But I'd hate to see the information in these files get leaked. Like, what would happen if Katherine Hale found out that you're the one who got her husband killed? Wynn: I didn't know there was a statute of limitations on the gratitude of lawmen towards old informants. Art: Well, there is. Raylan: And it is up. Wynn: You burn me, I'm dead. Raylan: That's a possibility. Art: Pretty much. Wynn: Wait. Just wait. Maybe there is a way I can help you out again. [title music] On this lonely road, trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard on this lonely road, trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come Mike: But why? Wynn: Why? Because I like being alive and free. Don't you? Mike: Not if it means being a goddamn snitch. [i]Wynn: Jesus Christ, don't be so self-righteous. At some point in our line of work, if you want to survive, this is what you do. Mike: Not me. I got a code, and it does not include turning on my people. Wynn: And by "your people," you mean who? Boyd? Katherine? Markham? You think any of them wouldn't turn on us to save their own hides? Katherine: You know, if you intended to run for office, that would've been information worth knowing before I agreed to marry you. Markham: I assure you I have no interest in becoming a politician. Katherine: But you are interested in parading me around sh1t holler, Kentucky, like a politician's wife. Markham: It's important that I engage these people. I promise you won't have to kiss any babies. [knock on door] Katherine: Just promise me I don't have to eat any pizza. Seabass: Back up slowly. Katherine: One of yours? Markham: He was. Seabass: This what you were pounding in Lexington while we were pounding doors? Markham: Show the lady a little respect. Seabass: Chivalrous. You're not in a position to tell me sh1t. Now sit your ass down, both of you. Markham: What exactly are you after? Seabass: Call it severance pay. Markham: Severance? Seems to me I just paid for your loyalty. Seabass: Point in fact, you paid for my disloyalty to my former C.O., a man who you cut loose and sold out. Has me refiguring my cost. Markham: You know where my money is. Think you can get to it, have at it. Seabass: Good idea, boss, yeah. I'll just ... I'll just take a ride down to Harlan, keeping the radio on, of course, in case you see fit to call the soft-rock militia on me. Though I suppose you wouldn't want me getting caught, now, would you? Oh, the tales that I could tell. I'll tell you what. How about you give me the lady's ring, and we'll call it a day? Markham: The lady is my fianc e. That's her engagement ring. It has sentimental value. Seabass: Unless it can bring the both of you back from the dead, hand it over. Markham: You really think killing us in this hotel room is your best bet for freedom and long-term prosperity? Seabass: I'll take my chances. Katherine: Gentlemen. Gentlemen. Gentlemen. May I make a suggestion? I have a diamond tennis bracelet in my purse that, being a woman of extravagant taste, it's very substantial. Might that do instead? Seabass: It just might. Let me see it. Slowly. Katherine: Think it's in here. Yep. [gunshot] Seabass: [panting] I thought I'd seen all your tricks. Katherine: Well, if you feel compelled to show your gratitude, I could sure use a new purse. Nous avons petit probl me dans la chambre 204. Merci. Boyd: You told them what? He already knew you're gonna hit the Portal through the mine. Boyd: How did he know that? Ava: You're working with Zachariah. Probably wasn't tough to figure. [sighs] Jesus Christ, Ava. Ava: If I had played dumb, he would've known I was lying, locked me up again. Boyd: You know what? Let 'em come. They're gonna be watching the main entrance. We slipping out the ventilation shaft, anyway. We'll be sipping margaritas before they even know what happened. Ava: So, you're saying I did good. Boyd: Yeah. Baby, you always do good. Wynn Duffy. You're a long way away from home, ain't you? Wynn: Home's wherever the RV takes me, Boyd. And the matter which we need to discuss requires our immediate attention. Boyd: Well, you look awful serious. Ava, you want to give us a minute? Wynn: I was under the impression you two had no secrets. Was I misinformed? Boyd: Ain't no secrets here. Say what you got to say. Wynn: You're aware that Markham's hosting a gathering this afternoon? Boyd: I am. But I don't think Avery Markham's gonna win over the hearts and minds of the good people of Harlan County with a few slices of pepperoni. Wynn: Well, that may be, but when the party's over, he's planning on moving the money. Boyd: Who told you that? Wynn: Katherine. She says it's happening tonight. Does she know exactly where this new location's gonna be? Wynn: No. Boyd: So, you came here to tell me my only chance of getting that money is during that goddamn party? Wynn: Is that gonna be a problem? Boyd: Ain't no problem I can't handle. Better news I've never heard. You let me know when it's done. Boyd: Well, of course I will. Wynn: Well, thank you. Good luck. Let me know if I can be of any assistance. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna leave this place and hopefully never come back. [door closes] [glass thuds] Boyd: Raylan Givens is pulling his string. Ava: If he is, he did not tell me. Boyd: [sighs] This is the moment we play our one-time "get out of jail free" card. You okay with that? I am. Boyd: Gow we doing? [grunts] Zachariah: God. Right now, we're within four feet of that basement. What I gotta do is set two more charges ... one to blow through the rock to get to the basement foundation and another one to blow out that concrete. Boyd: It's gonna take too long. Well, you said I had two days. Boyd: Well, now you got two hours. Now, what say we do a deep set of drill holes in the foundation, do two charges simultaneously? Zachariah: Oh, no, no, no. That's too risky. Boyd: What's risky is not getting that goddamn money. Zachariah: Well, what's your hurry now? Boyd: That's a little above your pay grade. Just get it done. I'm depending on you, Uncle Zachariah! Well, I'll see until I'll get them. Son of a bitch. Tim: Here comes the douche-mobile. Wynn: Done. Tim: You mind clarifying that? Wynn: Boyd's under the impression that Markham's moving his money tonight and plans to hit the vault imminently. Raylan: And Ava was there? She heard you say the money was moving tonight? Wynn: She was, though I have no idea why that was a requirement. Tim: So if she's not actually present at the robbery, we can still put her away for conspiracy. Wynn: Ruthless. Tim: So, boy wonder know what team he's playing for now? He took it kind of hard at first, but he'll come around. Tim: It's like catching daddy cheating with the woman next door, huh? Are we done here? When exactly is he gonna hit the vault? Wynn: During the party. Raylan: I'd also like to know what kind of weaponry he's gonna use, who's gonna be with him, and where he plans to hole up afterward. Wynn: "Hey, Boyd, Wynn Duffy again, I know, super weird. I was just wondering, could you give me an exact time for the robbery? Also wondering if you can tell me what weapons you'll be using and who else is participating." Raylan: Tell him we know where the main entrance is, but we'd like to know if there's another entrance he plans to slip out in. Wynn: I can't get you all that. Raylan: Sure you can. Wynn: No. Raylan: You know what? Call him back. Say, "hey, it's Wynn. I don't trust you, and I ain't claustrophobic, so I want in on the heist this evening." Wynn: Not happening. Not a chance. Raylan: If you don't want to spend the rest of your life running from the dixie mafia, there is a very, very good chance. Wynn: [sighs] [engine shuts off] [door opens] Boon: Hello! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Loretta: Why would I be startled? Some asshole comes in my house without so much as knocking? Boon: That's a totally natural reaction. When I was just a pup, my mama used to say I tended to leap before I looked. Loretta: Well, if you're done looking, now would be a good time to scoot your ass on out of here. Boon: My name's Boon, I'm new to the area, and I just wanted to say hi to my neighbor, who, if you don't mind me saying so, is a vision... Oh. You know you have a dead snake on your floor there? From where I'm standing, it looks like someone shot that head clean off. I don't suppose it was you. Was it? I don't suppose you can get out of my house like I asked. Boon: 'Cause that'd be one hell of a shot, to get just the head like that. Masterful, really. How you think he did it? You think it was a quick-draw scenario? Bang! [chuckles] But there's really no reason to do that, huh? You'd just be showing off, I guess. I mean, you could pull quick, but then you'd really want to take your time... making that shot, right? [sighs] Make sure you hit it just right. Regardless, whoever shot that snake is one deranged and possibly dangerous individual. If you've made any enemies lately, I'd highly advise you to make peace by any and all means necessary just so they don't send this idiot back here again. Loretta: Yeah. Be a real shame to come home one day and find some lunatic standing in my house. You really are a beautiful girl. You know that? I promise I'll stop back here again real soon, if you're still around, just to make sure everything's all right. Hey. Do you need help getting rid of that snake? Loretta: I'll be fine. I bet you will. Bye, Loretta. Boyd: Ava, I need you to be on lookout for anything unusual ... Extra security, KSP, marshals. When Carl tells you to pull that alarm, what happens? Ava: I pull the alarm. Boyd: Then what? Earl: Make sure we get out of there as fast as we can. Boyd: But first? Earl: Make sure she gets out, and then we all meet at the rendezvous as agreed. Boyd: My goddamn man. Now, we need to get dressed, so ... Ava: I don't think you're in the right place, honey. Loretta: No, ma'am. Just looking for a word with Mr. Crowder. Boyd: I recognize you. You're Walt McCready's daughter, god rest his soul. Loretta: That's right. Well, I'd offer you a drink, but we're in a bit of a hurry, so... what can I help you with, Miss McCready? You know I own the Bennett land? Boyd: I do. Loretta: You also know I'm looking to acquire more. Boyd: I've heard rumors. Loretta: Well, then you also heard I know more about growing weed than most of the cornbread boys who've lived and died in these hills. What I don't have is muscle or distribution. Boyd: Services you were hoping I might provide. Loretta: It would mean going up against Avery Markham. [sighs] He's shaking your tree a little bit, is he? Yeah, well, the protection aspect of this partnership would be priority. Boyd: What about Raylan Givens? Loretta: What about him? Boyd: Well, as I understand it, he's quite fond of you. Now, how you think he's gonna feel he finds out you in business with me? Loretta: I got bigger problems than Raylan. Last I heard, he ain't long for Harlan, anyway. Boyd: You really got Mag's money? [chuckles] I don't see how that's any of your business. Boyd: 'Cause Bennett land ain't gonna be enough. You'll need the Sorenson land, which has the soil runoff from Blanton Creek. You'll need the McLaren land, which has ... Loretta: Southern exposure and the best bluegrass South of Pine Mountain. Gonna grow some healthy black gold. [laughs] Well, damn, girl. You done some thinking on this. Enough to also figure Markham's probably staked out them parcels. Boyd: Sorensons and McLaren and a half-dozen others have agreed to hold off selling to Markham. They're gonna sell only to me. Loretta: How much you asking? Boyd: You want 'em, you can have 'em. You buy them for a reasonable price from the owners. You pay me nothing. You keep Harlan for Harlan. Loretta: Why would you do that? 'Cause I'm a bad man, Loretta. But Avery Markham is a real bad man. Now, my men will see to it that you are protected as long as you pay them handsomely for their efforts. Earl, will you please show this young ... No, I don't need seeing out. Just need you to keep your word is all. Boyd: You play your cards right, young lady, this town will be yours. Earl. Loretta: [scoffs] Don't crowd me, boy. Ava: [sighs] All happening so fast. Boyd: Well, if you want to get nostalgic, now's the time to do it, 'cause this is gonna be the last night we spend in Harlan County. [Vince and George's "Run as fast as you can" plays] Jamie: Cool hat. What's your pleasure? Raylan: Whiskey. Jamie: Any particular kind? Raylan: It's free, right? The most expensive kind. Don't tell 'em, don't tell 'em, damn I saw your old man in his black-and-white don't tell him, don't tell him I hope he don't travel to the riverside don't tell him, don't tell him hey, your daddy didn't think it was right now the sirens scream in the night you'd think it was a capital crime run as fast as you can... [SCENE_BREAK] Didn't think I'd see you here, considering who's hosting. Loretta: [chuckles] That's exactly why I'm here. Raylan: You got more balls than sense, you know that, girl? Loretta: Ain't that what they say about you? Raylan: It is. And maybe it's our kindred spirits that's prompting me to make the offer I'm about to make. Arlo's home and plot. You know the land I'm speaking of? Loretta: I do. Raylan: You interested? Well, for a reasonable price, I assume. Raylan: I just want what it's worth. Loretta: In that case, you got yourself a deal. Boon: Twice in one day? Aren't I a lucky man? Tell you what. That dress never had it so good. Name's Boon. Pleased to meet you. Raylan: I wouldn't rush to judgment on that. Boon: I think it's safe to say, considering everything I've heard about you from my employer. Raylan: I venture you're another one of his, uh, Colorado boys? Boon: That's right. Raylan: Tending to his fields out there. Boon: Not tending so much as protecting. Raylan: Well, I feel I should warn you Markham's previous employees have not fared well in these parts. Boon: What? Them military jarhead guys? 'Course not. Those boys don't have no soul. They don't know what it is to really live it down. You know what I mean? Raylan: I do not, no. Boon: Man, you are everything I'd hoped for, right down to the hat. Do you know the man who invented the Stetson was actually from New Jersey? Raylan: Is that so? Boon: Came up with the idea prospecting out West. Cool in the Summer, warm in the Winters. A more functional piece of headwear never there was. Hey, I got an idea. Instead of running your mouth, why don't you show your gun to the Marshal the way you showed it to me, see what happens? Boon: Yes. If the marshal wants to see my piece, all he's got to do is ask. Raylan: Should I assume that's a toy gun there, John Wayne, or you got another holster with a concealed permit inside? Boon: Afraid I don't know John Wayne. He was a movie cowboy. Oh. Well, I never had much use for television or movies. Or regard for your well-being the way you show off that piece. Boon: Loretta, I look forward to calling on you again soon. [music continues] Katherine: Those two make quite the pair. Markham: That's the infamous Boyd Crowder you've had to hear so much about. Katherine: Huh. He is more... pulled together than I would've imagined. She's a pretty thing. Markham: Yes. The lovely Ava. Told him if they ever set foot in here again, I'd kill them both. Well, that would put quite a damper on your party, dear. Markham: I suppose it would. Well, time has come. Wish me luck. Katherine: Good luck. Markham: Friends and neighbors. [music fades] I thank y'all for being here. I'm aware that many of you think I'm a stranger in your land. Maybe some of you heard me on the radio offering my own hard-earned money for the capture of a dangerous fugitive. Or maybe I contacted you with a generous offer for your property, the kind of offer that makes all manner of things possible, things maybe you hadn't even gotten around to dreaming of. But I didn't come here just to make us all a lot of money, though I intend to do that. And I didn't come here to reverse this town's fortunes, save it from falling prey to the ghosts that dwell in these streets and hollers. Truth is, I came back here for love. I hope you all come and say hello to my lovely fianc e, Miss Katherine. Speaking of ghosts who've haunted these streets, I see Boyd Crowder's in our midst. Don't suppose you've come to cast aspersion on my motivations in front of these fine people, Mr. Crowder. Boyd: Oh, not at all, Mr. Markham. You throw a hell of a party. I'm enjoying myself immensely. Although I am curious ... do you plan on doing to this small town the same thing that you did to all those other small towns in Colorado? Everybody knows I think dope is a fine commodity, legal or otherwise. But the people in this room need the money earned in their community to stay in their community. Markham: I don't claim to be a savior. But I have already demonstrated my willingness to put my money to work in this community. And as I understand it, where I offered cash, you offered threats. That your plan? Keep harming these good people for your own gain? Loretta: Far as I know, everyone Boyd spoke to is at least still alive. Unlike Betty and John-O Hutchins. And I don't think I see Red Crowell at this shindig, either. Huh. Maybe your pizza oven scared him away. Heard tell he's skittish around fire since his place burned to the ground... property you now own, if I ain't mistaken. Markham: I'm afraid teenage gossip's clouded your mind, Miss McCready. Loretta: Well, could be. I am still a touch spooked by the decapitated snake you put in my house. Markham: See you pointing fingers, but not offering a fix any to any of these people's problems. Loretta: My fix is the same as yours, Mr. Markham ... promise of legal weed. The difference is, I've been here for generations. You all knew my daddy. [crowd murmuring in agreement] You all know me. Know that I'm Harlan through and through. And so is my partner. Markham: And who might that be? Loretta: The only other soul I know who cares about this place as much as I do. Boyd Crowder. Every one of you who has been approached about your property, this is my offer. I will give you cash for your land, same as Markham, but the difference is I don't want to move you guys out. Just want to move some seed in. And along with that seed, we bring security and protection now and in perpetuity. Hire the locals to help with the farming, pay it back. You think Avery Markham and his city mousette ain't gonna cut and run win or lose? [laughter] She look like Harlan to you? No. Loretta: Throw in with me, and we'll make Harlan prosperous our own selves. Give this county back to the people the way we all know it should be! [cheers and applause] Boyd: Like she said, you know her daddy. Thank you, Ray. Hey. I see subtlety ain't your strong suit. Said yourself your boys would offer protection. I was just making it known. You ever heard that a whisper will get you a hell of a lot further than a roar? That's how politics works, Loretta. Public, private, it don't matter. Like you said, can't leave Harlan to the likes of Markham. Boyd: Well, I applaud your spirit, young lady. Now, if you will excuse me. As much as I'd like to stay, I got to go see a man about a vault. You and Earl stand by for my signal. Ava: Boyd, be careful. I lost plenty in the mine already. Boyd: About time you started seeing some gains. Loretta: You seem displeased, Marshal. What gave you that idea? Loretta: You said to get protection, and I did. Raylan: What you did was align yourself with a man who's about to be arrested or killed. You best hope you're not standing next to him when that happens. This mean you're not gonna sell me your land? Raylan: It hasn't occurred to you that the Marshal Service may frown upon me selling my parcel to anybody associated with Boyd Crowder? When the dust settles with Boyd, maybe you'll reconsider. Katherine: Something will need to be done about that girl. Markham: Yeah. Find out if she has any kin. She ends up with any of this property, I want to know where it's going. Wynn: You know, except for the filth, the impending sense of being buried alive, and the smell of rotten flesh, it's not that bad down here. Boyd: Try doing it 10 hours a day 6 days a week. Wynn: What is that? That is Uncle Zachariah. Wynn: Lovely. Boyd: You seen enough, or you want to venture on down into the depths, get a front-row seat for the show? Wynn: If it's all the same to you, I'll, uh, wait right here. Boyd: [laughs] Carl! Make sure to keep your radio on channel 2. I'll holler when we all set. Carl: All right. Boyd: Get ready for the boom! Whoo! Carl: Nice shoes. We're gonna shake it on down until you lose control we're gonna walk on the wild side... Raylan: Earl, why don't you go out for a smoke? Earl: I don't smoke. Raylan: Well, you should take it up. It'd be good for your health. Earl: Maybe you should suck ... Ava: For Christ's sakes, Earl. Just give us a minute before he crushes your nuts again, tosses you in a cell just because he can. Earl: I'm gonna take a piss, and when I get back, you're gonna be gone. [glass thuds] Raylan: Think you hurt his feelings. Ava: He won't be gone long. Whatever it is you want, you best get to it. I just wanted to tell you how good you look in that dress. Ava: Thought it was supposed to be a party. I feel a little overdressed. Raylan: Ain't nobody complaining. Ava: You know, don't you? I'm supposed to tell you it's gonna happen next week, but it's going down today. Soon. [sighs] How'd you figure it? Something in your way. Ava: He almost killed me. What are you supposed to do now? Ava: Start a fire, clear this place out. Raylan: Best get to it. Boyd: [sighs] That looks pretty damn good, Uncle Zachariah. Zachariah: What you think? Son, I've been doing this long before you ever heard the word "nitroglycerine." [chuckles] Boyd: [chuckles] Phew! That money's gonna fall right down in my goddamn lap. You kiss my ass, Raylan Givens! Whoo! [sighs] [grunts] [sighs] Carl, you got me? Carl: Yeah, I got you. Boyd: Tell them to pull that alarm, son. We all set down here. Earl: Time to boogie. [alarm blaring] Raylan: We need to get to your vault. I believe you're being robbed. Boyd: Whoo-whoo! Zachariah: I am at rest, you need not fear, no anxious sorrow need not take. Boyd: [grunts] Zachariah: Ain't no way my niece spending one more goddamn minute with a Crowder. You're gonna be buried by your own goddamn greed, just like you deserve. Burn in hell, you son of a bitch. Boyd: [groaning] Zachariah! Help me! [grunting] Oh! [screams] Help! Carl: Come on. Boyd: [in distance] Help! Carl: Boyd? Boyd: Help me! Carl: Boyd! Boyd: [grunting] Help! [grunting] Carl: Boyd! Boyd: Carl! Carl: Boyd! Boyd: Here! Carl: What happened? Boyd: Give me the rock hammer! Carl: Where's Zachariah? Boyd: Get out! Go! Carl: Christ! Boyd: [grunting] [explosion] [whooshing] Tim: All right, I see Boyd, Duffy. We can all see Duffy. And Carl. And no money. Markham: Whatever that blast was, it wasn't enough. Raylan: One thing that didn't occur to me ... dipshit's not capable of pulling it off. Markham: What if he had? What if he, uh, stuck his head up out of a hole in there? You gonna shoot him? Raylan: Might've. Let's give him a minute. Maybe he'll try it again. [sirens wailing in distance] Raylan: What's gonna happen next is, fire department's gonna come down here and kick our asses out. Markham: Yep. Getting smoky in here. [chuckles] You know, I don't get you. Give you some of my own money to help you out. 24 hours ago upstairs, I figured you and me are simpatico. I see you're just jerking me around and using me to get Boyd. Don't take it personal. I'm just doing what I gotta do. Yeah. That's my plan. Raylan: What's that? Doing what I gotta do. Raylan: Care to elaborate? Right now, I'm gonna get out of here and get some fresh air... ...find my fianc e. [door opens] Earl: What happened? Where's everyone? Where's the money? Ava: [gasps] Boyd: Get out. Get your ass back to the Portal! You see anything looks like that money leaving that place, you call me immediately. Get out. Get out! What did you say to your goddamn uncle? What did you say to your uncle?! Ava: Nothing! Boyd: Don't you lie to me. Wasn't it enough to put me in jail? You trying to kill me now? Is that it? Ava: What the hell are you talking about?! Boyd: Your uncle tried to blow me up! You give him the idea? Ava: How can you say that? I'm the one told you he wasn't right in the head! I'm gonna ask you one more time. You lying to me? Ava: No. Boyd? Is Zachariah dead? Boyd: I don't know, Ava. Ava: [inhales shakily] And the money? Boyd: Still in the vault. It won't be for long. They're gonna move it tonight. [sighs] And that's when I'm gonna hit it. Rachel: You want to tell me exactly what went wrong down there? Raylan: Yeah. Boyd couldn't get it up. Rachel: You being cute? Raylan: No, chief. I'm just answering the question. Rachel: Our office has devoted copious hours and resources to this case that, as of right now, hasn't produced a goddamn thing. Raylan: Hey, no one's trying to make you look bad here. Rachel: I put you in the lead of this to remove Boyd from the civilian population, and what do we have to show for it? Not to repeat myself ... jack sh1t. Raylan: That ain't true. We still got Ava. We got Duffy now, too. Boyd, Markham, the rest of them assholes, they're just doing what we want them to do. Now, hey, I ain't saying we're in the end zone doing the ickey shuffle, but we are definitely in the red zone. Rachel: What the hell is the ickey shuffle? Raylan: Boyd ain't gonna stop. He's just gonna go at that money harder and stupider. Tim: Not that I wouldn't like to stay completely out of this, but how exactly do you think he's gonna do that? Raylan: Well, Markham's gonna move that cash. Boyd's gonna be there when he does. Rachel: And to think there was a time I was actually excited about having the big office. [sighs]

Working from the files Wynn gave Katherine, Art gets Simon Poole's documents unsealed and learns that Wynn himself was the informant against Grady. Art and Raylan threaten to leak this to Katherine, blackmailing Wynn's cooperation so he'll inform once again. Wynn tells Boyd that Avery is moving the money during a party at the Pizza Portal that evening, provoking him to move up his timetable. Loretta McCready finds a headless rattlesnake in her home, courtesy of Avery's trusted gunman, Boon. Loretta calls on Boyd, suggesting a partnership with her land and knowhow matched with his muscle and distribution. Having his sights on Avery's money, Boyd gives his blessing to Loretta's purchase of the farms he's threatened against selling, and for men to protect her for fair wages. Among the full house at the Pizza Portal party are Avery, Katherine, Raylan, Loretta, Boon, Boyd, Ava, Earl, and a number of landowners. Raylan offers to sell Arlo's property to Loretta. Boon seems to have a man-crush on Raylan. Avery reveals his plan to generously purchase lands and lift up the economy. Boyd questions his motivations and how much money will stay in Harlan, and Loretta names those who have died after refusing Avery's offers. Loretta puts forward her offer to the landowners: to buy them out for cash but keep them in their homes, hire locals for security and farm hands and keep the profits in the county, and names Boyd as her partner. Raylan checks-in with Ava, who explains she's supposed to tell him the heist is next week but it's actually that night, that she's to start a fire to clear the place out. Boyd joins Zakariah in the tunnel but the moment Boyd lights the fuse Zackariah attacks him and chains him to a support post. Carl hears Boyd's screams and goes to him, passing him a rock hammer to break the chain and escape. Zackariah has disappeared, and Ava reminds Boyd she's warned her uncle wasn't right in the head. Although the Marshals fail to catch Boyd red-handed, Raylan reminds Rachel that they've got two informants and Boyd is going to go after that money with desperate stupidity when Avery tries to move it. Sean holds Avery and Katherine at gunpoint in her suite, demanding more money after Avery sold-out Ty. Katherine offers her tennis bracelet and shoots through her purse, killing Sean.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_01x04

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_01x04_0

Broadcast: 13 December 1963 Duration: 24 minutes 28 seconds [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. DESERT - NIGHT IAN: Back! Get back! (Several of the tribe rise from places of concealment, their spears ready...) [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. MAIN CAVE - NIGHT HORG: (Gazing into the night.) They are coming. (All around him, the entire tribe is assembled. The DOCTOR, SUSAN, IAN, BARBARA and HUR are herded in, carrying ZA's stretcher. No sooner do they set it down than tribes-men seize the travellers from behind. BARBARA screams. HUR kneels by ZA's side.) KAL: Za and the woman went with them. I, Kal, stopped them! HUR: They saved Za from death near the stream! KAL: They set them free from the Cave of Skulls and went with them! HUR: (Shouting.) The old woman cut them free!! KAL: (Looking down at ZA.) Za is so weak, a woman speaks for him. HUR: (Jumps to her feet and confronts KAL.) It was the old woman!! She showed them a new way out of the Cave of Skulls! KAL: The old woman does not speak. She does not say she did this, or did that. The old woman is dead. Za killed the old woman! HUR: (Hearing the tribe's murmurs.) No! KAL: Za killed the old woman with his knife! HUR: No! (KAL moves to ZA's side and pulls out his knife, holding it aloft.) KAL: Here! Here is the knife he killed her with!! (The DOCTOR leans over and takes a good look at the knife.) DOCTOR: This knife has no blood on it. (KAL looks alarmed at him but makes no answer.) DOCTOR: I said, this knife has no blood on it! (KAL is momentarily stuck for an answer, but...) KAL: It is a bad knife. (He throws it down on the ground.) KAL: It does not show the things it does. (The DOCTOR scoops the knife up and shakes it at KAL.) DOCTOR: It is a finer knife than yours. KAL: I, Kal, say that it is a bad knife. DOCTOR: This knife can cut and stab. I have never seen a better knife. KAL: (Stung.) Then I will show you one! (He pulls out his own knife, which is still covered in the OLD MOTHERS' blood. The DOCTOR takes it smugly.) DOCTOR: This knife shows what it has done. (Waves it around at the tribe.) There is blood on it! (The tribe murmurs. The DOCTOR presents the bloody knife to a now sitting-up and recovering ZA.) DOCTOR: Who killed the old woman? ZA: I did not kill her... DOCTOR: (Turning to face KAL.) You killed the old woman! (KAL looks round with a mixture of fear and defiance.) KAL: Yes! (The tribe gasps.) She set them free. She set them free. She did this - so I, Kal, killed her! (The tribe sound angry. The DOCTOR addresses them loudly.) DOCTOR: Is this your strong leader? One who kills your old women? Hmm? Huh?? He is a bad leader!! He will kill you all!! Hmm, oh! (The tribe is plainly angered. The DOCTOR leans close to IAN and whispers.) DOCTOR: Follow my example. (He leans down, grabs a rock, and flings it at KAL.) DOCTOR: Drive him out! Drive him out!! IAN: (Grabbing a rock.) Yes, drive him out!! He killed the old woman!! (IAN flings his rock at KAL. The unhappy tribe quickly grasp the idea, and starts seizing rocks from the ground and throwing them at KAL. With a howl of fury, KAL jumps at HUR, but gets intercepted and pushed back by a pair of tribesmen. He's thrown back by the missiles towards the cave's entrance. Finally, with the crowd's cries of "Drive him out!" ringing in his ears, he turns and runs out into the night. IAN watches the tribe disperse and then walks up to ZA.) IAN: Remember...Kal is not stronger than the whole tribe. (ZA nods, and shouts at the tribe.) ZA: Kal is no longer one of this tribe. We will watch for him. We will all fight Kal if he comes back. We will watch for him. (He gestures towards the time travellers.) Take them to the Cave of Skulls. (They are seized again.) IAN: Take us back to the desert, and we will make fire for you. ZA: (Turns to a caveman bearing a spear.) The great stone will close one place, and you will stand by another. I will show you. DOCTOR: (To IAN.) Don't struggle! (The travellers are thrown back into the Cave of Skulls. The great stone is rolled over the entrance.) ZA: They are inside the cave. If you see them come out, kill them. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. FOREST -- NIGHT (KAL is alone, a freezing wind blowing. He gazes at the cave from behind a tree.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (The four travellers walk across the cave. SUSAN stumbles, hurting her ankle. As she cries softly, BARBARA helps her to one side.) DOCTOR: This place is evil! [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. MAIN CAVE (ZA is lying against the stone wall of the cave, gently touching his chest scars. HUR sits beside him.) ZA: Tell me what happened after I fought the beast in the forest. HUR: You were stronger than the beast. It took away your axe in its head. You lay on the earth and I believed you were dead. ZA: Tell me what they did. HUR: The young man of their tribe came towards you, but...he did not kill. HUR: He told me his name... ZA: Name? HUR: Yes. His name is "Friend." ZA: They come from the other side of the mountains... HUR: (Scoffs.) Nothing lives there. ZA: There are other tribes there! This new tribe must come from there. Tell me more of what happened. HUR: I did not understand them...their...hands moved slowly and their faces were not fierce. It was like a mother guarding her baby... ZA: (Nods.) Ah. They are a new tribe. Not like us, not like Kal. The young one whose name is Friend...spoke to me. HUR: Do you remember it? ZA: (Grunts in the affirmative.) He said, "Kal is not stronger than the whole tribe." HUR: (She shakes her head.) I do not understand... ZA: (Seeing the point.) The whole tribe drove Kal away with the stones. The whole tribe can collect more fruit than one. The whole tribe can kill a beast where one of the tribe would die... HUR: (Hesitantly.) Do you think they come from Orb? ZA: No. They are a tribe who know how fire is made... (Angrily.) but they do not want to tell us. HUR: Then you will not kill them? ZA: Horg says the Leader must know how fire is made. I do not want to be driven into the forest like Kal...I must make fire, or they must die as the old men say. (Jumps to his feet along with HUR.) I will speak with them. I must hear more things to remember. The Leader would have things to remember. (He walks resolutely toward the Cave of Skulls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (The DOCTOR is looking at a skull. IAN and BARBARA are quickly gathering a group of sticks and twigs. SUSAN is scouring the cave, and finds a flat piece of rock that she eagerly takes to IAN.) SUSAN: I think this is what you want, Mr. Chesterton! BARBARA: Here are some leaves and some dead grass. IAN: (To SUSAN.) Thank you. (To Barbara.) Yes, well spread them around the hole. Don't put them inside. (He puts a branch in the middle of the pile, and places a smaller stick end-first atop it.) IAN: Hope this is going to work...no, spread them around a bit more...yes, that's it... (He puts the stone atop the smaller stick to steady it, placing his palm over that. He takes a second stick that he's tied onto the first stick. The shoestring is wrapped bow-like around the first stick, and tied to the second at both ends. He starts moving it back and forth, creating friction as the string rubs against the first stick...) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: EXT. CAVE OF SKULLS (The guard is standing by the secret exit. ZA walks up.) ZA: I will speak with them. You wait here, huh? (He takes the guard's club and walks into the secret entrance. The guard picks up a spear from the cave's side. And from nearby, a figure watches in hiding...) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (The attempt at fire making is progressing well.) SUSAN: (Getting excited.) I can smell something... BARBARA: Yes, so can I! SUSAN: It's burning!! It's burning!! IAN: Oh, it's a long way off yet. (ZA enters the cave from the secret entrance. All eyes turn to him. He stares down at the pile as IAN continues to work.) ZA: What is this? DOCTOR: (Getting up and standing by ZA.) We are making fire. (ZA looks down at IAN.) ZA: You are called Friend? (IAN stops, looks up with a smile.) IAN: Yes... DOCTOR: (Harsh whisper.) Don't stop! (IAN gets back to his task.) ZA: Hur said you were called Friend. I am Za. You are the leader of your tribe? IAN: No. (He nods at the DOCTOR.) He is our leader. (A smile of appreciation passes from SUSAN to IAN. The DOCTOR, his role confirmed, stares at ZA.) SUSAN: (To ZA.) Are you going to set us free? ZA: The tribe say you are from Orb, and that when you are returned to him on the Stone of Death, we will have fire again. BARBARA: But that's not true! ZA: (Kneeling by the would-be fire.) I think you are from the other side of the mountains. If you show me how to make fire, I will take you back to the foot of the mountains. If you do not show me, I cannot stop you dying on the old stone. IAN: (To BARBARA.) Put some more leaves and grass round it. I think it's beginning to work. (BARBARA does so.) DOCTOR: (Slowly, to ZA.) Do you understand? We are making fire (He points at ZA.) for you! ZA: I am watching. IAN: The whole tribe should be watching. Everyone should know how to make fire. ZA: Everyone cannot be Leader! IAN: No, that's perfectly true. But in our tribe...the firemaker is the least important man. ZA: Ha! I do not believe this. DOCTOR: He is the least important, because we can all make fire! SUSAN: (Smiles, whispered aside to IAN.) I hope he doesn't make Grandfather prove that. IAN: Look! I think it's beginning to work! (A wisp of smoke is rising from the bottom of the stick where it meets the branch. The smoke thickens, building...and a flame flickers from the mass of leaves and twigs.) IAN: Susan, Barbara - blow. Gently. (They do so. The flame grows, catches onto the twigs and leaves. The small fire rises into a fair-sized one, as IAN finally relaxes.) IAN: Yes, that's it! SUSAN: We've done it! IAN: Yes! (BARBARA pushes the unlit twigs into the flame. ZA'S eyes seem to mirror the flame. He leans in close to the flames in amazement and wonder.) ZA: Fire...Fire! [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. MAIN CAVE (The tribe has gathered as the sunlight filters into the cave.) HORG: Orb strikes the old stone, and Za does not bring them out. (The tribe start to murmur "Gone away") HORG: We have no meat, and no fruit from the trees, and no roots. Za is no leader! (The tribe grumbles in agreement) HUR: Za will kill you if he could hear you! He is talking with them in the Cave of Skulls. (Coldly and quietly to her father.) You should lie on the old stone 'til your blood runs into the earth! (HORG is not even listening to her.) HORG: (Wildly.) Za is letting them go away, just as the old woman set them free! (The tribe shouts in agreement.) HUR: (Trying to make herself heard.) Za told one of us to watch and guard them until he came out of the Cave of Skulls! [SCENE_BREAK] 10: EXT. CAVE OF SKULLS (The guard outside the Cave of Skulls paces. Suddenly, he is attacked from behind. An arm is flung across his throat and the life is choked out of him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (The fire is blazing away. Suddenly, there is a strangled gasp from BARBARA - at the secret entrance, KAL, axe in hand, walks in and stares in amazement at the fire. Then he goes straight at ZA, but ZA avoids the swipe. KAL leans down next to the fire, entranced. He reaches a hand toward the flame - and yanks it back with a yelp. He returns his attention to ZA, making a long swipe with his axe, which ZA easily avoids. The travellers pull themselves against the wall of the cave to escape the battle. ZA has reclaimed his club. KAL swings. ZA ducks under the swipes and grabs KAL'S arms. The two wrestle, rolling to the ground. ZA tries to grab KAL'S axe, and KAL takes a huge bite out of ZA's forearm. Howling, ZA tumbles off him. KAL rolls on top of him, and ZA kicks him off. They regain their feet, and their weapons. A long overhead slash from KAL - the axe is buried in the dirt - ZA swings down - the axe is broken! ZA flings his club at KAL, who scrambles to avoid the blows - ZA smashes a skull instead - KAL grabs a rock, lifts it over ZA's head and stabs ZA's arm. ZA screams. KAL slashes at him again but ZA gets him in another grapple, rolls back, flings him over his head, rushes at him, pulls him up and flings him across the cave. He flings him again, and kicks his face; the travellers look on in disgust. ZA grabs KAL from behind, his arm around KAL'S neck, KAL screams, SUSAN looks away in horror. ZA throws KAL down - He's hurt, but not dead yet - ZA looks around, panting. He grabs a boulder, raises it up with a growl - and smashes it down on KAL'S head. The battle over, ZA seizes KAL'S feet, and drags him across the cave, laying him against the wall. He clutches his arm in pain - the roars of the tribe can be heard outside...) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. MAIN CAVE (HUR is being held from behind, shaking her head and crying "No!" as the crowd howls for blood.) HORG: Orb is above us, and there is no fire! Bring them out from the Cave of Skulls, and Za as well! (The tribe heads for the Cave of Skulls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (Inside, they all hear the tribe calling ZA'S name out. IAN thrusts a branch into the fire - it catches fire. He lifts it and offers it to ZA.) IAN: Take this and show it to your tribe! (ZA takes the torch and starts across the cave.) ZA: You...stay here. IAN: We will come with you... ZA: No! You will stay here! IAN: I will come with you... (With a roar, ZA waves the torch at Ian's face. IAN backs off. The DOCTOR moves to pull IAN back.) DOCTOR: Give him a chance, give him a chance! Let him show the tribe fire, establish himself as leader, and then he'll let us go! IAN: But we ought to go with him now... [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. MAIN CAVE. (ZA walks out of the Cave of Skulls, fiery torch carried proudly before him. The tribe goes silent.) ZA: Fire! (There is a moments stunned pause, then...) TRIBES-PEOPLE: Fire! Fire! (They all crowd around ZA and his torch, in awe. He stands by the freed HUR.) ZA: Kal is dead! I give you fire! I am leader! (Led by HORG, the tribe roars in agreement. ZA walks to HORG.) ZA: We will give food and water to the new tribe in the Cave of Skulls! HORG: There is no meat! ZA: I will go into the forest and get meat! HORG: (Grinning in remembrance.) Yes...I remember how the meat and fire join together! ZA: Uh huh... good! (Hands the torch to HORG.) Watch the new tribe. They must be here when I return! (He runs out of the cave. The tribe hold their cold hands up to the torch.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS - SOME TIME LATER... (The campfire is still burning. The travellers are despondent. IAN rips off his tie in disgust.) IAN: Ahh! It didn't work. They're going to keep us here. (HUR walks in, a hunk of fruit in her hands. She sets it down before the fire.) IAN: Why are you keeping us here? HUR: Za has gone into the forest to find meat. (She notices KALS' corpse.) There will be more food later. BARBARA: But why can't we go outside? (HUR walks across the cave, and kneels by KAL'S corpse.) SUSAN: (Sobbing.) Please let us go... it's terrible in here... (HUR stares at her.) HUR: Za is Leader. (She gets up.) SUSAN: But we helped you. We gave you fire... HUR: (Staring her down.) Huh. We have fire now. (She walks out.) IAN: Yes...and I was the fool who gave it to you. Why didn't I wait? BARBARA: Well, at least we're alive. We wouldn't be if we hadn't given them fire. [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. MAIN CAVE -- THAT NIGHT (A roaring fire now proudly sits on the boulder, with the entire tribe joyously gathered around it cooking meat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (IAN is dozing on the floor of the cave. BARBARA nudges him awake.) BARBARA: Ian? IAN: Hmm...huh? (He gets up. SUSAN hands him a piece of meat, skewered on a stick.) SUSAN: They brought us some meat. BARBARA: Yes, and the Doctor found a hole, a stone with a hole in it and they filled it with water. IAN: (Sardonically.) All the comforts of home. (An uncomfortable silence. IAN suddenly senses a presence behind him, and looks up. ZA stands before them.) ZA: The animal was hard to kill. (He receives no answer.) ZA: The meat on it is good? (Still silence.) ZA: They have brought you fruit. And water has been put into a stone. (The travellers won't even look at him. ZA pushes IAN aside, and picks up the makeshift bowl.) ZA: Is this the stone? (He pauses.) Has anyone hurt you? DOCTOR: (Quietly, after a pause.) When are you going to let us go, hmm? ZA: You will stay here. I have the meat, and I have the stick. And the piece of skin, I can make fire now. Your tribe and my tribe will join together. (Looks of disgust are exchanged through the group.) IAN: We don't want to stay here! ZA: Why? There is no better place the other side of the mountains. Do not try to leave here. (He takes the water bowl with him.) DOCTOR: (Muttering.) If only we could get the fire away from him...scaring him somehow... (SUSAN grows thoughtful. She lights a branch from the fire, and picks up a skull. She slowly, carefully puts the skull over the top of the torch. Her face lights up.) SUSAN: Hey, grandfather, look! (All eyes turn to the flaming skull torch.) SUSAN: It's almost alive! (IAN jumps up to SUSAN'S side.) IAN: Not alive, Susan...almost dead! We're going to make four torches - we'll find the sticks and we'll use the fat from the meat, and then... SUSAN: Then...? IAN: Then, to all intents and purposes - we're going to die! [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. MAIN CAVE (HUR roasts a piece of meat over the fire. She takes her skewer and starts for the Cave of Skulls.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (The travellers have taken cover behind a jutting rock formation.) IAN: ...when I give the sign... (He points at the opening. They nod. The cave looks empty, except for the four torches set into the floor, each with a flaming skull atop it. HUR walks in, takes one look at the flaming skulls, drops the spit of meat, and falls to the ground screaming. The other tribes-people run in, and gasp at the horrid sight. They also fall to the ground in supplication.) SUSAN: What are... (BARBARA clamps a hand over SUSAN'S mouth. IAN waits a second, then points. The DOCTOR runs through the main exit unnoticed, followed by SUSAN, BARBARA, and IAN last of all.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. MAIN CAVE (They run through the main cave as fast as they can, past the roaring fire) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (The tribe continues to wail in terror at the sight in front of them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: EXT. FOREST (NIGHT) (This time, the travellers know which way to go, and race at full speed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: INT. CAVE OF SKULLS (One of the skull torches falls over, provoking a scream from the tribe. But they fall silent as they realise the trick played against them. ZA approaches it.) ZA: Look! (He seizes up the skull.) It is nothing but fire, and the bones of the dead! They have gone! While we look at their fire, they have gone! HUR: Into the night - the dark will hide them... (ZA picks up a burning stick.) ZA: With fire...It is day! (The tribe rises to give chase...) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. FOREST (BARBARA trips and falls full-length on the ground. The DOCTOR and SUSAN continue running. IAN helps her up, and the race continues...) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. MAIN CAVE (The tribe light torches as fast as they can grab branches...) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: EXT. FOREST (The four time travellers run as fast as they can through the forest, ignoring the branches and leaves as they hit their faces. Not far behind, the tribesmen, torches aloft and in full cry, pursue. Finally, the travellers reach the darkened desert at full pace. SUSAN runs into the ship first, followed by BARBARA, IAN and finally the DOCTOR who quickly glances back one last time before slamming the door shut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (Inside, IAN and BARBARA are exhausted while SUSAN waits at the console. The DOCTOR leans against the closed doors, getting his breath. IAN grabs him and pulls him toward the console.) IAN: Come on, Doctor, get us off! Get us off! DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes! (The DOCTOR leans against the console, working buttons and switches with SUSAN - the cylindrical column starts to rise and fall - the dematerialisation noise fills the air...) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. DESERT (As the tribesmen run up to the ship and start to throw their spears, the police box, its top lantern flashing on and off, goes transparent...and fades out of sight. The tribe, ZA especially, are stunned at what they've just witnessed...) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (The dematerialisation sound continues. BARBARA is resting on a chair, while the others crowd around the console.) DOCTOR: (Reading dials on the console.) Yes, it's matching up. SUSAN: We're beginning to land. DOCTOR: Oh, how I wish... IAN: Have you taken us back to our own time? DOCTOR: You know I can't do that. Please be reasonable. IAN: What!? (BARBARA, hearing this, jumps out of the chair and runs up to the DOCTOR. ) BARBARA: Please, you must take us back! You must! DOCTOR: (Waves her away, points at the console.) You see, this isn't operating properly... (He walks around it.) or rather, the code is still a secret. Feed it with the right data, precise information to a second at the beginning of a journey, and then we can fix a destination. But I had no data at my disposal! BARBARA: (With contempt.) Are you saying that you don't know how to work this thing? DOCTOR: No, of course I can't. I'm not a miracle worker. SUSAN: You can't blame grandfather. We left the other place too quickly, that's all. IAN: Just a minute. Did you try and take us back to our own time? DOCTOR: Well, I got you away from that other time, didn't I? IAN: That isn't what I asked you. DOCTOR: It's the only way I can answer you, young man. (The sounds of the ship slowly quieten down...and the column comes to a stop.) DOCTOR: (Turns a few dials.) Now...now we shall see. (The scanner shows a jungle setting, almost invisible through a thick mist.) [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. FOREST (The white, gnarled trees rising from an ashy soil do not resemble anything on Earth.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: INT. TARDIS DOCTOR: It could be anywhere. Dear dear dear dear, i-it's no help to us at all! Well, I suggest before we go outside and explore, let us clean ourselves up. SUSAN: Oh, yes! (The DOCTOR takes up his coat and points at an instrument on the console) DOCTOR: Now, what does the radiation read, Susan? (SUSAN looks at a dial on the console.) SUSAN: It's reading normal, Grandfather. (The travellers walk off into another section of the ship. Behind them, the needle on the dial suddenly moves...into the "Danger" zone - a warning light begins to flash...)

Barbara Wright and Ian Chesterton, two humble teachers during 1963, are surprised by a bright student named Susan Foreman. Feeling inquisitive of her upbringing, they seek out her residence to learn who nurtured such a genius. There, they discover a junkyard inhabited by her grandfather, simply known as "the Doctor", and he doesn't want them lurking about. When the teachers refuse to leave, they discover that an ordinary police box is actually bigger on the inside. The Doctor decides they know too much about his and Susan's otherworldly origins and takes them on a journey across space and time in his TARDIS, the place he and Susan now call home.

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_01x15

fd_Once_Upon_A_Time_01x15_0

-[Real World]- (Emma and David are sitting in Emma's office at the station. She hands him a mug of tea.) David: Thank you. I hope Kathryn's somewhere warm, not out in the cold. Emma: David. I think you need to start worrying about yourself a little bit more here. Your wife is missing. You are in love with another woman. There's this... Unexplained phone call. David: I know, I know. I just... I can't explain why it says that. I didn't do anything to my wife. Emma: I'm pretty good at spotting a liar. And, honestly, liars have better material. Now, go home. David: I can go? Emma: We don't even know if there was a crime yet. So, get some sleep. David: Thank you. (David stands up to leave.) Emma: And, David? Maybe... Get a lawyer. [SCENE_BREAK] (At Granny's Diner, Ruby is flirting with August, who is sitting at one of the tables.) Ruby: You can't be serious. A whole year without a roof over your head? August: Well, you get used to it. Plus, I had the motorcycle. So, if I didn't like a place after a while... (Granny calls for Ruby, but Ruby ignores her.) Granny: Ruby? Ruby: I've never even been out of Storybrooke. What was your favourite place? August: Nepal. Best people. They have these prayer temples carved into mountains that are overrun with lemurs. Ruby: What's a lemur? Granny: Ruby! Ruby: Just give me a sec! August: They're little animals. And they have these eyes that reflect light. So, at night, it looks like they glow. (Granny, again, calls Ruby over to the counter.) Granny: Ruby! Stop flirting and get over here! -[Fairy Tale World]- (Peter knocks on the shutter of Red and Granny's cottage. Red, imitating the voice of an old woman, calls out from inside.) Red: Who's there? Peter: Let me in. Red: I'm just a poor, old widow. Spare me! Peter: Let me in, or I'll... Red: Yes? Peter: I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow the- (Red opens the shutters.) Red: You'll huff and puff? Peter: I couldn't think of nothing. Red: Oh, so you thought that you'd level the house with the power of your breath? Well, a case could be made... Peter: Oh, ho ho- Red: Shh! Granny's in the other room. You know she doesn't like me opening the shutters. Peter: No, she doesn't like me. Red: That's what I meant. Peter: You got to get out of here. Red: I know. Anywhere. Peter: Well, a blacksmith's boy can get work all over. Red: You'd leave everyone you know? You'd do that for me? Peter: I'd do anything for you. Red: Peter, watch out. Your air of danger is slipping. Peter: Come out - just for a minute. Red: It's already dark. She'd never let me. (Granny yells for Red. Red tries to go back in, but Peter holds onto her wrist.) Granny: Red! Where are you? What are you doing? Red: Let go. Peter: Pay the price. One kiss. Granny: Red, get in here! (Red quickly kisses Peter and shuts the shutters. She goes into the main room, where several men with torches are talking to Granny.) Red: What's going on? Granny: Nothing that concerns you. Just a bunch of fools trying to get themselves killed over a few dead sheep. Man: Wolf took out a dozen last night. Red: So, you called me in here to what? Just to keep me in sight? Man: Good evening, Red. We're just forming up a hunting party. Red: You're hunting the wolf? Can I go with them, please? I'll be safe in a big group. Granny: Don't be ludicrous. You are staying inside and you're keeping that hood on. You know red repels wolves. Red: They're not wearing red. Granny: They're damn fools, too. There's only two more nights left in Wolfstime - let it take a few sheep. Now, go home. (Granny shuts the door in their faces.) Red: I hope they kill the wolf. Then, we can have lives again. Granny: You just want to roam around the woods with that wastrel - Peter. Red: He's not a wastrel. He works hard. He has plans. Granny: Oh, I am sure he does. Now, come on. You know what to do. (Granny and Red prepare the cottage for defense against the wolf. They barricade and lock the doors and windows, as well as barring the fireplace.) Granny: Now, go to sleep, girl. Red: Yes, Granny. Granny: I hope I don't see that boy mooning around here tomorrow. And wear the hood! Red: Yes, Granny. (Red goes into her room, while Granny sits facing the door with a crossbow.) -[Real World]- (At the diner, Ruby finally goes to meet Granny at the counter.) Ruby: I can't believe you did that. That was humiliating. Granny: I want you to start working Saturday nights. Ruby: Come on - we have an agreement about Saturday night. Granny: I want to start training you to do the books and the reorders. Business is booming lately, and, with more money, comes more paperwork. Ruby: Yeah. None of that sounds good. Granny: It's got to be done. Ruby: Is this a punishment for talking to that guy? Granny: If I wanted to punish you, I'd have better reasons. For one thing, you were late. For another thing, Liza, you dress like a drag queen during Fleet Week. Ruby: And you dress like Norman Bates when he dresses like Norman Bates' mother. Granny: Ruby, you're a grown woman. You can't keep acting like some kid. Ruby: You just want me to act like you until I turn into you. Well, I am not a fossil yet, Granny. I should be out there having adventures with lemurs! Granny: Well, as long as you work here, you are going to listen to me. Ruby: I didn't ask to work here. Granny: Well, then what's keeping ya? Ruby: Nothing! I quit! (Ruby storms out of the diner.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (Ruby exits her room and finds Granny still guarding the front door.) Red: Did you get any sleep at all last night? Granny: I'll sleep with the trolls in the afterlife. I'll get the shutters. You go check if that wolf left the chickens alone. Red: Yes, Granny. Granny: Wear your hood! [SCENE_BREAK] (Red is collecting eggs in the chicken coop. When she goes to leave, she hears a noise coming from the corner. Snow White, who is holding two eggs, shows herself.) Snow White: I'm sorry. I can go. Red: Are you...stealing our eggs? Snow White: No. ...Not a lot. Red: Hey, hey. It's... It's all right. Snow White: Thank you. It was just that, um, last night... There was something out there. There was howling, and... I heard it. And it was so cold, so... Red: Hey. Come on - come with me. Everyone calls me Red. Snow White: I'm Sn- Frosty. Red: Frosty? Really? Snow White: No. It's just that someone's looking for me, so... Red: You don't know or trust me yet. Hey, I-I get it. I just need something to call you. Snow White: Uh, Margaret. Oh, no. Uh, Mary. Red: Mary. Well, then, Mary - come on. (Snow White follows Red out of the chicken coop and into the forest. They head towards a well.) Red: I just got to bring in some water before we go in. It'll just take a second. Snow White: What was all that howling? Red: It's Wolfstime. Killer wolf out there. As big as a pony, but a lot more bloodthirsty. It's been stalking the area pretty regular. It kills cattle and... Hang on. (Red grabs the rope of the bucket in the well.) Red: It sticks sometimes. Could you just... (Snow White helps Red pull up the bucket. When she turns around, she seems shocked by what she sees.) Red: Look. Look at that. Mary, look at the water. (The water in the bucket is red.) Red: Mary. Mary. Mary? (Red turns around and sees what Snow White is staring at. Behind them in the clearing, there are several bloody bodies.) -[Real World]- (Mary Margaret runs to catch up with Emma on the street. The two of them walk together.) MMB: Is he okay? David? Emma: Oh, yeah. He's a little shaken up, but he's headed home. He's fine. MMB: Any word from Kathryn? Emma: Nothing new. MMB: Did you check with Boston again? Emma: She's not there, Mary Margaret. MMB: So, we have no idea what happened to her? Emma: All we know, is that she found out about you two, gave you a well-deserved slap, and then disappeared. MMB: Well-deserved? Do you really believe that? Emma: No. I'm just preparing you for what everyone else is going to think. You two are going to look bad until we figure the truth out. MMB: You mean David? Th-That people are going to think in order to... Be free with me... Emma: Some are. And, he's not doing himself any favours. So, if there's anything you could think of to pin down his whereabouts that night- MMB: He wasn't with me. We really are through. (The two of them come across Ruby, who is waiting at a bus stop, and Dr. Whale, who is talking to her.) Ruby: Sorry. No, don't need a ride. Dr. Whale: It's awfully cold out here. Ruby: I'm fine - really. Dr. Whale: I can carry your bag. Where are you headed? MMB: Dr. Whale? Dr. Whale: Mary Margaret. Emma. Hello there. MMB: Hey. Dr. Whale: I was just having a talk with Ruby here. But, I should, um... Emma: Yeah. Yeah, you should. Dr. Whale: Yeah... (He leaves.) MMB: Was he bothering you? Ruby: The day I can't handle a lech is the day I leave town. Which this is, I guess. Emma: You're leaving? Ruby: I had a fight with Granny. Quit my job. MMB: You quit? Where you going? Ruby: I don't know. Away. Emma: Yeah, well, buses out of town don't really happen. And, you might want a destination first. MMB: Hey, if you need a place to figure things out, you could always come home with us. Emma: Yeah, uh. Yeah. Just for a little while. MMB: Come on. -[Fairy Tale World]- (All of the village's citizens are gathered at the tavern. One of the men who was with the hunting party speaks to the group.) Man: The one thing I know, is that last night, was the very last massacre. (Everyone cheers.) Man: You know, if I had stayed with that party for another ten minutes, I, too, would be among the dead. (Granny, Red, and a disguised Snow White enter.) Man: And, when I think if I'd only doubled back, maybe...I could've caught it in the act. Maybe, I would've been able to slay the creature. Granny: You would not. Man: Widow Lucas. Granny: This creature is more powerful than you can imagine. You wouldn't have a chance. Stay inside, hide your children, forget your livestock. Man: You said all this before. Granny: But, I haven't said how I know. Nearly threescore years ago, I was a child with six older brothers. Big as oak trees, all of them veterans of the Second Ogres War. And my father, the biggest of them all. Come one Wolfstime, he decided to go out and take on the wolf. A different wolf back then, of course, but just as fearsome. They went out there to protect me. I was supposed to be asleep, but I crawled out on the roof to watch and lay down in the thatch. They had the beast surrounded, the seven of them, with spears all pointed in at it. And then it started. It was lunging - not at the men, at the spears. Grabbing with its teeth, breaking the shafts. They stabbed it with the splintered end, but it didn't matter. It tore their throats so fast, that not a one of them got a chance to scream... Or pray... Or say goodbye. When my father died, I tumbled from the roof, and I landed in the blood in front of the wolf. I felt its breath on my face. Then, it clamped its hot jaw on my arm, and I rolled away. (She pulls back her sleeve, revealing several large, parallel scars.) Granny: Then, it looked at me with eyes so black, they weren't even there. Then, it walked away. You ever see a wild animal just turn its back and walk away like you don't matter? If this wolf is like that one, there is no defeating it. It's already won just by existing in our world. You don't kill it - you just hide. [SCENE_BREAK] (Red and Snow White are sitting by the fireplace at the cottage.) Snow White: So, your Granny's kind of intense. Red: Yeah, a bit. I feel like a rat in a trap. Snow White: Is this trap keeping you from...being with someone? Red: How did you know? Snow White: Well, I saw some looks exchanged back there, and, I hate to break it to you, but it wasn't subtle. Red: Yes. Peter. We've been friends forever, but... Now things are... Well, changing. Snow White: That must be nice. Red: Do you have someone? Snow White: Oh, no. I'm not sure that's in my future. You're lucky, Red. Red: I know. And we're talking about going away together. But I don't even get any time with him. Granny's too afraid of the wolf to let me out alone. You saw what the wolf did. Sometimes, I wonder if she's right. Snow White: Oh, she's right about the wolf. But, she's wrong to use it to keep you from love. Red: You think that's what she's doing? Let's kill the wolf. Snow White: Hang on. Red: We'd be heroes. Snow White: Red, teams of trained hunters have been killed. Red: But they go at night when it's got the advantage. If we went now, we could find it slumbering in its den and kill it in its sleep. Come on. Snow White: Red, I don't know. Red: I'm going - with or without you. But, you're right - I can't let her keep me trapped forever. -[Real World]- (Mary Margaret drives her car along the road out of Storybrooke and pulls over just before she reaches the sign. She gets out and goes into the woods. A short ways into the woods, she hears a rustling sound. Suddenly, David appears through the brush.) MMB: I-it's you. You okay? You're looking for Kathryn, too? David: I'm looking. MMB: She knows you didn't do anything. Emma, I mean. She can tell when people are lying, so... She knows. And I'll stand with you. I'll tell everyone this isn't possible. She's going to turn up somewhere. That's why we're out here, right? David: I'm looking. (Mary Margaret notices that David isn't quite all there.) MMB: David? (David begins to wander back into the woods. She yells to him, but he doesn't seem to hear her.) MMB: David? David! -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White and Red are searching for tracks in the forest.) Snow White: What about that? Red: That's a dog. See how small that is? Don't look where the snow's drifted - it covers tracks. Snow White: Hey. Over here. Red: That...is a rabbit. What we're looking for will be huge. Like a dog print, but big. Like, eight inches across with big, long claws. Snow White: Like these? (There is a trail of massive paw prints leading through the forest.) Red: Yes. And those. Oh, my gods. How big is this thing? Snow White: This was one stride? From here... To there? Red: Come on - over there. Through the brush, and off towards the hill. Snow White: You're good at this. Red: When there's something I want, I'm good at tracking it down. -[Real World]- (At the station, Henry is searching the internet for a job for Ruby. Ruby is sitting next to him, while the phone on the desk continuously rings.) Henry: Want to be a bike messenger? Ruby: Bike messenger? Henry: That's about taking things to people in a little basket. Ruby: Nope. Yeah, see, I'm not so great at bike riding. Henry: How about taking things on foot, to people, in a little basket? Ruby: I'm not so sure that's a real job. (The phone rings again.) Ruby: Why do the phones keep doing that? Henry: Oh, the non-emergency calls go to a machine when Emma's busy. (The phone rings, again, but Ruby answers it.) Ruby: Sheriff's station. How can I help you? Mmhmm. I'll get her to return. Thank you, too. (She answers the next call.) Ruby: Sheriff's station. Hey, Miss Ginger. Uh, no, that's not a prowler. That's Archie's dog - Pongo. Throw him a vanilla wafer. He'll quiet down. Did you still want to talk to Emma? Great. Glad I could help. (Emma, who has overheard Ruby on the phone, walks in.) Emma: How's it going, you two? Ruby: Great. Except I can't do anything. Emma: I'm sure that's not true. I just saw you on the phone. That was good. Ruby: That? That's nothing. Emma: No. No, it isn't. I actually have some money in the budget if you want to help out around here. Ruby: Yes! Thank you! Yes. Um, I could answer phones and help out. Um, is there anything else that you need done? Organize files, cleaning up? Please - I want to be useful. Emma: I'm swamped with the Kathryn Nolan thing. If you maybe want to grab us lunch, I would never say no to a grilled cheese. Ruby: Done. You want anything? Henry: Um, two chocolate chip cookies, an apple pie, and a hot dog. Emma: He ate at school. (As Ruby goes to leave, Mary Margaret enters.) Ruby: Hey! Lunch, Mary Margaret? I'm getting for everyone. MMB: Uh, no. I'm not hungry. (Ruby leaves.) MMB: David's in the woods. There's something wrong with him. He looked right through me. It's like... It's like he was a different person. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Red and Snow White are still tracking the wolf through the forest.) Snow White: Here's another one. Red: Right. And then here's... (Red looks down, and notices that the tracks no longer resemble just paw prints.) Snow White: What? Red: This print - it looks like it's... Half-wolf and half-boot. See? Snow White: Wolves don't wear boots. Red: No, they don't. Snow White: Then it just continues like it was a man? Red: Like it was a man and a wolf. Snow White: Red, what kind of monster is this? (The two of them continue to follow the tracks.) Red: So... Snow White: Yeah? Red: Wolfstime is once a month on the full moon. There's a story I heard once about a creature- Snow White: Hey. Aren't we awfully close to the cottage? (They see the tracks lead to the side window of Red and Granny's cottage.) Snow White: Who's gone to your window, Red? Is it Peter? Red, has he been at your window? Red: Last night - before the killings. And he never joined the guys to hunt the wolf. Snow White: But I'm sure he wouldn't have killed them. Red: He wouldn't. But when the wolf takes over... Snow White: What about tonight's hunting party? Red: They're going to kill him. Or he's going to kill them. Snow White: It doesn't have to be that way. Red: What can we do? Snow White: Tell him. If he doesn't know, tell him. Stop him. If he'll listen to anyone, if he'll believe anyone, it's you. Red: You think I can save him? Snow White: I think you can save everyone. Red: It's going to be dark soon. Granny will be out of her mind with worry if we're not home. She'll go out there. Mary, this is so bad. Snow White: So do something. Red: You're right. I have to. -[Real World]- (Ruby enters Granny's Diner and walks up to the counter to order.) Ruby: I need a couple of grilled cheeses. I'm working over at the sheriff's station now. Granny: Ah. Ruby: Sort of like a... Like a Deputy, you know? I guess sometimes, your fate finds you. Granny: Seems kind of like you're doing the same thing you always done. Ruby: Plus so much more. Granny: Those will be right up. Ruby: Yeah. Granny: Tony has to unwrap the cheese slices. Ruby: I help solve crimes. Granny: I'm sure you do. I hope you're finding what you're looking for. Ruby: I am. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Red and Peter are sitting by a fire in the forest.) Peter: You think this wolfman is me? Red, you know me. Red: I know it's not you, really, but I think it's using your body. Peter: Wouldn't I know? I mean, wouldn't I wake up in the woods? Wouldn't I remember something? Red: Maybe. Maybe, it makes you forget. Peter: Oh, my gods. Those men - they died. If I did that... Red: Forget the past. Think of the future. We can go now, Peter. Have lives. All we need to do is tie you up during the Wolfstime, and I know where to get rope. Peter: No. Not rope. (He picks up a chain off of the ground.) Red: Chains. Peter: Just in case... Just in case you're right. I'll show you how to rig it up so that I can't get out. And then you need to get away from me. Red: No. I'm staying with you. I'll stay with you all night, and for all the nights to come. Peter: You'd do that for me? Red: I'd do anything for you. -[Real World]- (Emma and Henry are at the station. Emma is getting ready to leave, while Henry is hiding his book.) Emma: Okay, kid. Don't mean to kick you out, but I got to go see if David's in some kind of trouble out there. Henry: It's okay. I'm supposed to meet my mom. (He locks his book in one of the desk drawers.) Henry: There. Emma: Nice. Henry: You know, you can let Ruby do more. She's Little Red Riding Hood. Emma: With the little basket? Yeah, she seems like a badass. Henry: She is. She just doesn't remember how cool she is or what she's capable of. But it's true. (Ruby returns with the food as Henry leaves.) Henry: Hey, Ruby. Ruby: Hey, Henry. Got your grilled cheese. Emma: Thank you. You all right? Ruby: I guess. I mean, this is something I know how to do. So, yay. Emma: Okay, let's pack these back up, and we can eat it in the car. I need to do a little wilderness search, and I need your help. Ruby: I'm pretty sure I'm just going to screw it up. I mean, I'll screw it up with flair, but... Emma: No, you won't. Come on - you can do this. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and Ruby are searching through the woods.) Ruby: This place is massive. How are we supposed to find one guy? Emma: Hey, shh. We might be able to hear him. Ruby: It's massive. Emma: I'm following the path because there are boot prints, so just stay close. Ruby: I shouldn't even be here. I'm just going to screw everything up. Oh, wait. (Ruby stops walking and Emma bumps into her.) Emma: Ruby? Ruby: I hear him. Emma: Really? Ruby: Yeah, really. I hear him or...something. I... I know where he is. Don't you? (Ruby takes off through the woods.) Emma: No. What are you doing? Ruby: He's over here! (Emma follows her.) Emma: Ruby! Ruby? (Emma finds Ruby standing over a bleeding and unconscious David. She kneels next to him, and tries to shake him awake.) Emma: David? Oh, god. Come on! David, come on! Wake up! David, wake up! (David wakes up.) David: Emma? What? Ruby? Emma: Do you remember where you are? David: No, I... What the hell? I was... I was in your office. Did you bring me here? Emma: You don't remember anything since you were in my office? Last night? David: No, I don't. [SCENE_BREAK] (Emma and David are at the hospital, where David is being treated by Dr. Whale.) Dr. Whale: Well, he's bruised, scratched up, a little dehydrated. What'd you expect. Emma: He's got a cut on his head. Dr. Whale: It's superficial. I can refer him to Dr. Hopper for a mental health eval, but, it's my opinion, that whatever caused this blackout, is the same phenomenon we observed when he came out of his coma. Moving around, acting out, not remembering it later. Emma: We will figure it out. David: It's so strange. I can't even believe it happened. Emma: How functional could he be during one of these episodes? I mean, he talked to someone. Dr. Whale: Well, people in similar states, even under sleep medication, do all sorts of things. Cooking, talking, driving a car. David: You want to know if I could've made that call. Or more. You... You want to know if I could've... What, kidnapped her? Killed her? Dr. Whale: Now, take it easy there. No one's saying you did anything bad, David. David: No, but it would explain why it didn't seem like I was lying. I wouldn't know. (Regina quickly storms into the room.) Regina: Stop talking, David. What are you doing here? Why doesn't this man have a lawyer present? Have you even read him his rights? Emma: No, because he's not under arrest. We're just talking. Regina: Right. Just talking. Emma: What are you doing here? Dr. Whale: Mayor Mills is still Mr. Nolan's emergency contact. Emma: You have to be kidding me. David: I thought that changed to Kathryn? Regina: Well, Kathryn's currently unavailable. Some people haven't found her yet. Stop trying to place blame and just find her. Emma: There's a whole lot of Maine to search, Regina. Regina: Well, you covered this room. I suggest you branch out. [SCENE_BREAK] (Ruby answers a phone call at the station.) Ruby: Sheriff's station, thank you for calling. How may I direct your- (The caller turns out to be Emma, who is still at the hospital.) Emma: Hey, stop. It's me. Here's the thing - the last time David went for a dream walk, he went to the Toll Bridge. You know the one? It's a crazy hunch, but I want you to take my bug and go and see if he was there. Ruby: No, I could get somebody else to. Emma: Ruby, you were great out there. I still don't know how you found him. You can do this. Ruby: I don't know. Emma: It's going to be dark out soon. David's going to be let out. If there is something there, we've got to get there first. We don't have time to argue. Can you do this? [SCENE_BREAK] (Ruby drives Emma's bug to the Toll Bridge. She gets out, while still on the phone with Emma.) Ruby: I mean, what am I even looking for? Emma: Anything out of the ordinary. Something that doesn't belong there. (Ruby heads toward the bank of the river flowing under the bridge.) Ruby: And...if I find something? Emma: Just follow your instincts. (Ruby finds a board near the water. She flips in over, revealing a patch of sand underneath it. Ruby puts Emma on speaker and places the phone on a nearby rock. She grabs a stick and begins to dig, until she hits something hard. Ruby brushes the sand away with her hand. The object turns out to be a small jewelry box.) Ruby: You...can't give me a clue what I'm looking for? Emma: Anything of Kathryn's. (She lifts up the jewelry box.) Emma: Ruby? What's going on? Did you find something? (Ruby opens the box, but abruptly drops it. She screams.) Emma: Ruby? Ruby? -[Fairy Tale World]- (Snow White, who is wearing Red's hood, pretends to be asleep in Red's room. Granny enters and approaches the bed.) Granny: Where's Mary? Come on, girl - wake up. We best bar the door. If Mary's not back by now, she'll have to take her chances. (Granny pulls back the hood and discovers it's Snow White.) Snow White: She's in no danger. Granny: What have you done? Snow White: No, it's okay. It's alright. It's fine. Granny: Where is she? Snow White: She's... Well, she's with Peter. And I know that you don't like him, but that's really beside the point. Granny: You stupid, careless, ridiculous girl. Snow White: No. You don't understand. Peter isn't... This is going to be difficult to accept. You just have to trust me. He's the wolf. Granny: You think Peter is the wolf? Snow White: Yes. This terrible creature is also human. It's okay, though. He won't hurt her. She's got him tied up. Granny: He's tied up? Oh, that poor boy. [SCENE_BREAK] (Peter is chained to a tree in the woods. He struggles against the chains, while growling is heard in the background.) Peter: Red, no. Red! It's me. Don't! Don't! (Red, who has transformed into a snarling wolf, approaches him.) Peter: Please! Red! No! Red! No! Red! Red, No! (The wolf lunges at Peter.) -[Real World]- (At the station, Emma and Ruby stare at the opened jewelry box sitting on the desk.) Ruby: Is... Is that what I think it is? Emma: Yeah. Ruby: I can't look. (Ruby turns around and Emma shuts the lid of the box.) Emma: You okay? Ruby: I don't know what I am. Emma: It's going to be all right. We can figure out what happened now. Ruby, you did good. Ruby: This, is doing good? Emma: Yeah. It's amazing. First, you found David, and now, this. I know you say you don't know what you are, but, whatever it is, I got to say, I'm impressed. Ruby: Don't be. I'm... I'm scared out of my mind. Emma: But you did it anyway. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Granny and Snow White are walking through the forest to find Peter and Red.) Snow White: You knew? Granny: Of course I knew. Her mother was one, too, before a hunting party killed her. I thought maybe Red didn't get it, but when she was thirteen, it started. I paid a wizard for that cloak - keeps her from turning. But, she doesn't wear it, and she's found some way out of the house. Snow White: Why didn't you tell her? Granny: I didn't want her to have that burden. It's a terrible burden. Snow White: That story you told... Granny: That was her grandfather. He marked me that night. Then came back, found me, turned me. Snow White: Turned you... You're... Granny? How are you tracking her? Granny: By smell. I still have that, even though the rest of it has faded away. Gods, I was a fool to think I could keep this from her. I am a fool and I have cost so many lives. Snow White: But you didn't mean to. That's the main thing. Granny: Is it? (Granny hands the lantern to Snow White, and then takes out a crossbow.) Granny: Here - a silver-tipped arrow will drop her. MMB: Oh- Granny: Shh! Follow me. We're approaching from downwind, so we have a chance. (The two of them slowly edge their way down the incline, until they reach Red and Peter. Red, still in wolf form, is devouring Peter. Granny accidentally steps on a stick. The noise causes the wolf to turn around. The wolf lunges at the two of them, but Granny shoots it, dropping it to the ground in front of them.) Granny: Cloak! (Snow White hands Granny the cloak, which she then throws over the wolf. A wave of magic surges through the cloak. Snow White notices that Peter is dead.) Granny: It's too late. He's gone. (Red, now in human form, arises but is disorientated.) Red: Who's gone? Granny: Get up, girl. Get ready to run. Red: What's going on? Snow White: Come on, Red. (The hunting party is heard shouting in the background.) Granny: Don't you hear them? Snow White: We have to go. Red: Go? I don't understand. Snow White: No, I'll explain it later. We must hurry. Red: What? I'm confused. What's happened? Where's Peter? Snow White: He wasn't the wolf. Red: Granny? Granny: I was wrong to keep it from you. But, now, you have to go. Red. Go. (The shouting gets louder, and the torches of the hunting party shine through the trees.) Red: It's me? Oh, gods, it's... It's me. Granny: Red, go. Red: I don't want to go like this. Granny: You have to. Red: No, no, no, no... Snow White: It's okay. It's going to be okay. Granny: Mary, there's no time. Snow White: I know. I'll get her out of here. (Supporting Red on her shoulder, Snow White leads the two of them to the woods. Granny stays behind as the hunting party arrives.) -[Real World]- (Ruby enters the diner. Granny is at the counter.) Granny: You look good. Ruby: Thanks. Granny: Want something for the Sheriff? Ruby: No. Granny: Ah... (Granny grabs her arm in pain.) Ruby: Your arm okay? Granny: Same as it is every full moon. (The same scars from Fairy Tale World are visible on her arm.) Granny: What are you doing here, Ruby? You here to tell me more about your fine new job? Ruby: I want to come back. Granny: Why? You were pretty mad. Ruby: I wasn't mad. Granny: Looked like mad from here. Ruby: Mmhmm, yeah. Here's the thing - um... You were talking about having me do all this stuff, and I...wasn't sure. I-I said that, you wanted me to turn into you, but... What I meant was, I don't know how to be you. You're a tough act to follow. Granny: Oh. Ruby: And then you wanted me to take on all this extra responsibility, and I... Guess I just got scared. Granny: Don't be. You shouldn't be. Ruby: Well, I am. But, it's okay. I can do it anyway. I sort of found someone in myself that was more than I expected. Granny: What about adventure? What about lemurs? Ruby: Emma was my lemur. Did that, found out I could do that, and also that I don't want to. I don't want a job where a good day means ruining someone's life. I want to do something that makes me happy. Somewhere I love. Granny: Look - just so you know, I wanted you to do the books and everything, so you could take over when I retire. Own the whole place. Ruby: Own it? Granny: Sure. I mean, who else would I give it to but someone who loves me back? (The two of them hug.) Granny: Proud of you. Ruby: What was that? Granny: You heard me. [SCENE_BREAK] (Mary Margaret and David are at the animal shelter.) MMB: David, it's going to be okay. David: Really? How do you know that? Because, I honestly can't say anything about my actions anymore. MMB: Well, there has to be an explanation. David: You're right. But the problem is, I don't think it's a good one. (Emma enters.) David: What is it? Did you find her? Emma: We found a box. David: Wait... Wait... What does that mean? Emma: We think it... We think that she... David: What? Emma: There was a human heart inside it. MMB: Oh, my god. (David breaks down in tears.) David: No. No. Emma: We're going to send it out for some tests, but there aren't any other missing people. MMB: Maybe you should go. Emma: There's more. David: What? Emma: There were fingerprints inside the lid of the box. I ran them through the records of everyone in town, and there was a match. David: Arrest me. MMB: No. David! David: Arrest me, Emma. Do it! Emma: David, the fingerprints weren't yours. David: What? Emma: They were Mary Margaret's. -[End]-

After quitting Granny's diner and with her self-esteem at an all-time low, Emma hires Ruby to be her assistant in order to help her discover what it is in life that she's good at; and Emma continues questioning David about the disappearance - and possible murder - of Kathryn. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, Red Riding Hood yearns to run away with her true love. But she, along with her fellow townspeople, are virtual prisoners when a bloodthirsty wolf continues on its relentless killing spree.

fd_Alias_01x01

fd_Alias_01x01_0

(Dark. Sydney, with red hair and heavy eye make-up, has her head forced under water. We see her eyes bulging, silently screaming underwater. Someone pulls her up. Two armed men throw her on the ground. Sydney coughs, soaked. They walk up to her and yell at her in Chinese. She answers back, still coughing, her head pressed to the ground. She speaks Chinese. They pick her up by her flaming red hair and throw her on a chair. They speak to her in Chinese again. They slap her. They take her arms and handcuff her to the back of the chair. She stares at the door ahead, knowing someone's coming. She breathes heavily, soaking wet.) (Cut to the same door... but an elderly professor enters. He looks at the crowd of students. Three are left, among them is Sydney. Dressed normally, brown hair. She's quickly writing. The professor walks down the aisle as the two other students give him their papers. He walks up to Sydney. She's still writing.) PROFESSOR: Sydney. Time's up. SYDNEY: Okay, then. (still writing) I'll... just... finish... my little... essay. Thank you. (She finishes and gives it to him.) (Outside. Afternoon, sunny out. Sydney and a guy - Danny, dressed in a doctor/lab coat - walk together across campus.) SYDNEY: So, I'm pretty sure I got a "D." DANNY: You didn't get a "D." SYDNEY: I think I got, like, a sixty-four. DANNY: You've never gotten a "D." SYDNEY: I've gotten a "D"! DANNY: (amused) When? SYDNEY: High school. Home ec. DANNY: What did you do? Oh, did you embroider something on a T-shirt...? SYDNEY: Sweatshirt. It was the assignment. DANNY: What, it was obscene? Something with the teacher. SYDNEY: He was a sexist pig. I deserved a scholarship for that. DANNY: (rifling through his bag) Hold on a sec. (They stop walking.) SYDNEY: This time I deserved a "D." I didn't prepare. I didn't have enough time. (Danny is crouched on the ground, going through his bag.) DANNY: We've had this conversation. Quit the bank, the part time thing isn't working. SYDNEY: What are you doing? DANNY: I've got a double shift again... SYDNEY: (crouches beside him) Did you get the Dave Matthews Band tickets? DANNY: (smiling) Would you stand up, please? (She does.) DANNY: I wanted to wait. Maybe do it on the weekend, but I couldn't. SYDNEY: What's going on? DANNY: Remember our first date? The bowling alley? The loud guy? SYDNEY: Oh, God... DANNY: (starts singing) Build me up buttercup baby, then you bring me down! And mess me around, and then worst of all! You never call, baby, when you say you will! But I love you still, I need you! More than anyone, darling! I know I'm yours from the start... so build me up buttercup, don't break my heart! (The bells ring in the background.) DANNY: (to bells) Shut up! (he takes out a black box) Sydney... I can't tell you how much I hope you marry me. Despite what I just did. SYDNEY: (crouches beside him) Yes. (They kiss.) SYDNEY: Yes... DANNY: I love you. (Sydney's house.) FRANCIE: I know, I cry at every damn thing! Hold on. Oh, let me see it again. Oh, honey, it's beautiful! SYDNEY: I know. I'm getting married! FRANCIE: You're getting married! (They hug.) (Inside the house. Francie gets something to eat while Sydney sits down.) FRANCIE: So, did you tell Will yet? SYDNEY: Meeting him at the track after the bank. Do you want to come? FRANCIE: No thanks. I've got three hundred orthopedic surgeons to feed and no desire to exercise. What about your dad? SYDNEY: Haven't told him yet. I don't want him to ruin this... not this. You know? FRANCIE: Yes, I know. Your mother would be so happy for you. SYDNEY: (smiles) She would. Maybe I should call my dad... I mean, he is my dad. FRANCIE: You are schizophrenic! Just remind yourself, unless you're talking about importing airplane parts, that man's got nothing to say. Let him find out when he gets the invitation. SYDNEY: It's exporting airplane parts. (pause) He already knows. Danny called him to ask permission. FRANCIE: Danny called your dad? SYDNEY: Mmm hmm. FRANCIE: And how did that go? (At a hospital, Danny goes to a payphone and dials. In a posh looking office, Jack Bristow answers the phone.) MR. BRISTOW: Yeah. DANNY: Mr. Bristow? MR. BRISTOW: Yes. DANNY: Hi. It's Danny Hecht. (no response) Sydney's boyfriend. MR. BRISTOW: Is Sydney all right? DANNY: Oh, yes, she's fine. Nothing to worry about. I'm calling because I'm planning on asking Sydney to marry me and... I was hoping to get your approval. MR. BRISTOW: Danny, let me ask you a question. DANNY: Sure. MR. BRISTOW: How well do you know my daughter? DANNY: Um, we've been dating for two years... MR. BRISTOW: Because if you feel the need to ask me about this scenario, I have a sense you don't know Sydney at all. DANNY: Sir, I love your daughter and I want to marry her. That's why I'm calling. MR. BRISTOW: First of all, Danny, the truth is this is just a courtesy call. Like when you say to your neighbor, "We're having a loud party on Saturday night if that's all right with you." What you really mean is, "We're having a loud party on Saturday night." DANNY: Mr. Bristow-- MR. BRISTOW: Sydney doesn't give a damn what my opinion is. What interests me is that you do. DANNY: It's just a custom to call the father, that's all this is-- MR. BRISTOW: Well, then, I'll tell you what. I may become your father-in-law, that's just fine. But I will not be used as part of a charming little anecdote you tell your friends at cocktail parties so they can see what a quaint, old-fashioned guy Danny really is. Are we clear? DANNY: Yes, sir... MR. BRISTOW: Good. Then welcome to the family. (He hangs up. Dazed, Danny walks away from the payphone, shaking his head slightly.) (Sydney walks down a street, dressed in a black suit. She goes into a building called Credit Dauphin. Inside she gets in an elevator where a man is waiting.) SYDNEY: Hey. AGENT: You're late. (A delivery boy runs up to take the elevator too.) AGENT: Sorry. Executive elevator. BOY: Oh, come on, man. Drop me off at twelve. (The agent moves his coat, showing the holster of a gun.) BOY: All right, damn. (The boy leaves. The elevator doors close.) SYDNEY: Zachary feeling better? AGENT: Much, yeah. Thanks. (With her hands folded behind her back, Sydney takes off her engagement ring.) (The elevator dings. Sydney gets off and enters a completely white room.) SYDNEY: See ya. (The elevator doors close. Sydney stands in the center of the white room. A flash of red illuminates the room. She waits for it to return to white and goes through the door. She continues on. She walks in a room, where men in black suits are everywhere. She keeps walking through, enters a room where phones and desks are scattered. Men in suits are on the phones. She stops at a desk where Dixon and some nearby agents are all on the phones. Dixon speaks in the headset while Sydney looks through a file. He hangs up.) DIXON: God, I hate this. SYDNEY: I was just saying it's only Ramadan. DIXON: No, not my case work. These new headsets, keep pinching my ear. SYDNEY: Oh, give it to me. Any word from Decklin? (fixes it) DIXON: Not since Teheran. I keep telling myself he's juust fine. You know, he's done this before. Disappeared for days like this. What's going on with you? SYDNEY: Nothing. Why? DIXON: You're, like... you've got a glow. SYDNEY: I don't have a glow. DIXON: Yeah, look at that! SYDNEY: Here. (gives the headset back) Come on. Sloane's waiting. There's no glow! (Sydney starts to walk away.) DIXON: (to nearby agent) Is she glowing? YOUNG AGENT: Big time. DIXON: You hear that? (Sydney throws her arms up in the air, he puts his headset on) Yes, better. Good. (Inside a conference room Sloane, Marshall, Dixon and Sydney sit at a long table. In front of each chair there's a slanted computer screen where the dossier is shown. Sloane paces and talks.) SLOANE: Vascar Mueller was killed last month. He was riding a moped through Berlin and was hit by an ambulance of all things. We've kept our eye on this guy for quite some time. He fancied himself as a modern day Alcamist. His IQ was recorded as one of the highest on the planet. DIXON: Then again, he was riding a moped. SLOANE: Between the multi-nationals, there was a frenzy to recover Mueller's notebook and experiment, but none were found. At least not by the west. Cultural affairs, building type A, north road, section two. This building is also an FTL cover station. We received word two weeks ago that one of Mueller's plans surfaced here. SYDNEY: Who is the mole? SLOANE: Antonio Quintero. This is his last transmission. Uplink was on the fifteenth. Brush past was scheduled for Tuesday. Quintero did not show. (A diagram pops up on their screens.) SYDNEY: What is that, hiredic? SLOANE: That's what I thought. It's demonic. Taking notes in ancient languages is just one of Mueller's quirks, apparently he had a few. DIXON: So, Quintero's been burned? SLOANE: We don't know. There's a race at a building sannes next Tuesday. You're flying to Taiwan on Monday. You're employed by Modear Plastics. (He gives Dixon and Sydney their new passports and plane tickets.) DIXON: Working for a manufacturing plant. SLOANE: Based on the notes, you'll case the building's east wing measurements, locks, IO, the whole nine. Locate the lab where the plans are being held and come home. That's all. No retreival. We can't risk it. Okay, Marshall, you go. (Marshall stands, excited.) MARSHALL: Yeah, thank you. How's everyone? Good. All right. The first thing I have here (pulls out a lighter) is a well, looks like a lighter. Right? It's something that you would light your cigarettes with, or cigar. But actually it's an RF scrambler. It disrupts any video for a four hundred and twenty yard radius. So, if I were to hit this switch right here the whole block would be in a complete panic. So, what the hell, right? (hits the switch, the screens scramble) See? Everyone's totally freaking out. What's going on with my computer, it's not... My DVD is not working! (hits the switch) And we're back. Okay. Now, I got a twenty volt shell in here, so you only get four minutes of a charge. So, you want to get in and do your thing and get out. Four minutes and two seconds and you're screwed. Okay. The other thing I got is... you're going to like this... something that I'm really excited about. (takes out a lipstick) Looks like a lipstick. You know, something that you would be for your lips, in a woman's refresh... but this is the amazing thing. It actually takes pictures, and it measures space in three axis from one vantage point. It assembles images based on GPS and creates a centimeter accurate blue print of a building. It's got a camera and a short pulse laser, plus a grid analyzer and I got it to forty-two snaps right now. But I want to get it to forty-seven because... that's a prime number. Heh. (sits) SLOANE: Well. You might think this is a simple reconnaissance op, but until we find out what happened to Quintero, we need to assume that the enemy is waiting so I want you to do us one favor. Come back. (Track. Sydney runs, breathing hard. She comes to a stop with Will behind her.) WILL: Good run. SYDNEY: Thanks. So, where were you last night? I called you. WILL: Oh, yeah. I don't want to talk about it. (beat) My sister set me up on a blind date. SYDNEY: Was it good? WILL: For the date, it was. Yes. SYDNEY: You didn't like her? WILL: I didn't mind her so much. I don't like my sister anymore. That's the problem, having siblings live with you. They try to get you to meet people that you aren't supposed to meet in real life. SYDNEY: Why was the date so bad? WILL: Her favorite movie of all time. You ready for this? "Pretty Woman." SYDNEY: So? I'm sure that's a lot of people's favorite movie. WILL: Yeah, that's probably true. Congratulations. But of all time? (He gives her a bottle of water.) SYDNEY: Thanks. WILL: That includes, like, well, any other movie ever made. All of them! Did you see "Lawrence of Arabia" is playing at The Gypsim tonight? SYDNEY: Yeah, I did. WILL: You want to go? SYDNEY: I would love to, but... WILL: Well, Danny's working late tonight, right? SYDNEY: I'm taking him to dinner at the hospital. WILL: Take him to a late one. How about on Thursday? SYDNEY: We're getting married. (Will stops. He's stunned.) WILL: Wait a minute. You're wearing a--you're wearing a ring. I didn't even see it. That's... congratulations. SYDNEY: Thanks. WILL: You want to get a couple more laps? SYDNEY: I don't think so... WILL: Okay. Because I'm going to get a couple. (He starts running again, bothered.) (Danny's apartment. Sydney is studying on the couch while Danny is at the table behind. She looks up at him, smiles. He gets up, puts her book on the ground, crawls over the back of the couch so he's on top of her. She giggles. They kiss.) DANNY: I called Todd. They haven't rented that place yet, if you want to go look at it. (He moves down, unbuttons her shirt and starts kissing her stomach.) DANNY: It's impossible, isn't it? One day there's going to be a baby in there. My patients would love that, knowing that their doctor still can't believe women can get pregnant. (Sydney's face freezes. She sits up, takes his hand and starts walking. She stops at the stereo and turns up the music really loud.) (In the bathroom, Sydney takes off her shirt.) SYDNEY: Get undressed. (He strips.) (In the shower, Sydney waits. He enters. He smiles at her and moves in for a kiss but she stops him.) SYDNEY: I work for the C.I.A. (He laughs. She stares at him, serious.) DANNY: (laughing) Sydney... (He stops laughing when he sees she's serious.) SYDNEY: I'm an operations officer for the C.I.A. (Outside the shower, muffled shouting. Danny shouts at Sydney, she shouts back. He leaves the shower.) (From earlier, the scene continues. Sydney, in her red hair, sits on the chair staring at the door. A man enters. She breathes heavily. He fills a syringe full of brown liquid while walking up to her. He squirts the syringe. Sydney whimpers. The door slams. They're trying to get the needle in her. The two armed men hold her down while the man tries to insert the needle in her arm. Sydney moves around, not staying still. Finally, the man gets it in. She whimpers and stares at him. Her eyes are getting droopy.) SYDNEY: Augh... (She closes her eyes. Her head falls back.) (Flashback. Sydney, with really long hair, is sitting outside on campus doing school work. A man in a suit gives her a business card.) SYDNEY: (voice over) During the fall of my freshman year, a man approached me. He told me that the U.S. government might be interested in talking to me about a job. (In a library, Sydney is studying and takes out the card, looks at it.) (At a phone booth, Sydney is holding the card and calls.) SYDNEY: (V.O.) When I asked why me, all he told me is that I fit a profile. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. Even in college. And I needed the money anyway, so I met with him and they offered me a job. (Present. Danny and Sydney are outside, in the middle of nowhere. Planes take off in the distance.) DANNY: A job with the C.I.A.? SYDNEY: Not exactly. It's a job with a covert branch. DANNY: This is crazy! Okay, okay, so covert branch. Then what? SYDNEY: After the first month, I asked if I could test for agent training. (Flashback to Sydney filling out the application and kickboxing with someone.) SYDNEY: (V.O.) The test was easy. They said I was a natural. Maybe I was, because... I advanced too quickly. (Flashback of Sydney shooting a gun at a practice target.) (Back to present.) SYDNEY: It was exciting. DANNY: This isn't real. SYDNEY: Danny... since my mother died, I always hoped I would find someone to give my life meaning. That person is you. I just met the agency first. I can't quit. DANNY: Sydney, I love you. But this... I just, I got to figure out what I'm thinking. SYDNEY: You can't tell anyone about this. About what I do. No one. Danny, I'm not kidding. DANNY: I got it. I need--I need to walk. I'll call you tonight. (He turns.) SYDNEY: I've got my trip. DANNY: San Diego. SYDNEY: I'll call you when I get back. DANNY: Be careful. (He leaves.) (On a plane, Sydney and Dixon sit together.) DIXON: You know, Sloane doesn't like it. That you're still in grad school. SYDNEY: I know. He'd rather none of us have a life outside. I'm not giving it up. DIXON: You all right? SYDNEY: How long have you and Diane been married? DIXON: Eleven, no, twelve years. Damn. (laughs) SYDNEY: You love her? DIXON: Of course I do. SYDNEY: And you've never said a thing? DIXON: About what? SYDNEY: About what we do. DIXON: Diane's married to an investment analyst who loves his job. SYDNEY: And you don't... you don't feel like you're lying to her? DIXON: If there's one rule you don't break, that's the rule you don't break. SYDNEY: It must just get easier. (In Taiwan. People get out of limos as photographers take pictures. Inside, people mingle while waiters roam. Orchestra plays. Dixon speaks Japanese to someone, smiles and moves across the room to find Sydney. She's wearing an elegant gown and talking Japanese to someonhe. Dixon joins them, she smiles and leaves. She puts her glass of champagne on the table and walks out. The man from the flashbacks of Sydney with red hair, watches as she leaves.) (Cut to a bar. Danny is drunk and calling Sydney.) ANSWERING MACHINE: (Sydney) Hey, this is Sydney! (Danny) And this is Danny. I don't live here. (Sydney giggles) Leave me a message and I'll call you back! (Danny) Thank you. She meant to say "Thank you." (Beep.) DANNY: You're not there... I know you're not there. Or in San Diego. (At the party, Dixon pretends to pass out, falling to the ground. Everyone crowds around him.) (Bar.) DANNY: You could be anywhere, doing anything... (At the party, Sydney runs in the hall and finds a guard. Pointing back to the party room she tells them about Dixon.) (At the bar.) DANNY: Which is the crux of the issue... (At the party, Sydney sets her watch for four minutes and moves past the velvet rope. Dixon, in the party room, hits the lighter switch. Inside the control room, the video screens scramble.) (At the bar.) DANNY: Can I live like this, not knowing where or why, when? (Running throughout the building, Sydney takes a picture and runs. Inside, Dixon drinks some champagne given to him.) (At the bar.) DANNY: Can I live in the dark? And the answer is... the only answer I came up with, Sydney, was... was yes. Sid, I don't care. The whole world's a nightmare anywhere. It's all dangerous. No matter what we do. (Sydney runs down a hall and stops, sees two guards.) (At the bar.) DANNY: I couldn't live with myself, saying goodbye to you because of risk. All the risk. (The answering machine at Sydney's records. Satellites outside, picking up everything Danny says.) DANNY: The kids... that's something we have to talk about because I want kids. I love kids. But maybe there is a way out because people aren't spies forever. (At a computer, a program records the phone call. Comparing voice print... a picture of Danny comes up on the screen. The man behind the computer picks up the phone and calls someone.) DANNY: But sometimes people have to say they used to be spies. I miss you, Sid. Come home. (Sydney runs down some stairs and tries to unlock a door. She takes the end off the heel of her shoe and it's a lock picking device. She looks at her watch.) (Sloane's office. The phone rings.) SLOANE: Yeah? Who? What else? Yeah, well, get me the audio right away. Yeah. (hangs up) (Sydney picks the lock and opens the door. She walks in the lab and opens the cage. She takes a picture of it. She goes to run back to the party but she goes back in further to the lab to get better ones. She sees the instrument from the diagrams in Sloane's office. She takes a picture.) (A doctor shines a light in Dixon's eyes. He looks at the watch. Eight seconds left.) (Sydney runs up the stairs. Time's up. Video's back up. In the control room, a guard sees Sydney running and alerts the Man from earlier via walkie talkie. Sydney comes up the stairs. The man is there.) SYDNEY: I'm so lost. Oh, my God. I was looking for the bathroom. You know, there really should be signs in English. I don't know if you're in charge of that, but... (He grabs her arm.) MAN: This area is restricted. SYDNEY: Please. I was just going to the bathroom. Look, you don't know my boss, Ron, but if he found out that I'd been drinking and that I'd gotten in trouble, I swear to you, I will lose my job. I swear it. (fake crying) (He lets her go.) MAN: Rest room is this way. SYDNEY: Thank you. Bless your heart. I like your tie. (Sloane's office. He has a file open on his desk. He closes it.) SLOANE: We have a breach. It appears that Daniel Hecht has become aware of Sydney's affiliation with the agency. (He slides the folder across the desk.) SLOANE: You understand what that means? (Sydney's father, sitting across from Sloane, opens the file.) MR. BRISTOW: Yes. I understand. I appreciate you telling me yourself. SLOANE: I'm sorry, Jack. MR. BRISTOW: Don't be. You know me well enough. You know where my loyalty lies. (Airport. Two agents walk up to Dixon.) DIXON: Mr. Gonzales. AGENT GONZALES: Mr. Dixon. Where is Bristow? DIXON: Looking for this? (holds up camera) AGENT GONZALES: (takes it) Looking for her. Where is she? DIXON: She left me at the gate. AGENT GONZALES: Left you at the gate. DIXON: Said she was grabbing a taxi. Why, what's the problem? (Sydney comes home. She opens the door.) SYDNEY: Hey, I'm back, I-- (She stops. The entire apartment has been ransacked. Chairs are tipped over, books are on the floor. Paintings are tilted on the wall. It's a mess. Sydney stops. Her keys fall to the ground from her hand. She drops her bags and moves to the bathroom. She opens the door, peers inside... and sees Danny in the bathtub. Dead. Blood is splattered on the white porcelain. Sydney gasps and runs to the bathtub. She covers her mouth, leans in. She screams. She screams again. Covers her mouth, screams louder.) (Out in the street, Sydney drives. She's crying, she's hysterical. She's covered in blood. She drives faster and comes to a screeching halt in front of the Credit Dauphin building. She climbs out of her vehicle and marches in. Inside the building, she has blood all over her shirt and face. She marches toward Sloane's office. She barges in and goes up to his desk.) SYDNEY: What did you do? SLOANE: I might ask you the same question. Securty section became aware of the breach and performed their function. You're familiar with the codes of conduct, Agent Bristow. You knew these codes apply to you, even if you put to risk the lives of every man and woman working in the agency. (Sydney sits down and cries.) SYDNEY: Danny wasn't a risk... he was--he was just a man. He was--he was a doctor, he was just-- SLOANE: You listen to me. Information about this agency must be treated like a virus. There is only one response to a virus, and that response is containment. You put us in a compromised situation, and even though I despise the countermeasure, we have-- (Sydney lunges at him. Grabbing him by the throat, she pushes him back on his desk.) SYDNEY: Stop saying "we." Stop talking about the agency. You killed the man I love! SLOANE: No, Agent Bristow. You did. (She stops, lets him go while choking down tears. She turns to the door.) SYDNEY: Let me out. SLOANE: Sydney, I can't imagine how difficult this is for you. SYDNEY: Let... me... out. SLOANE: However, before you go anywhere, McCullough needs to see you. You see, you're a risk now, too. [SCENE_BREAK] (Interrogation room. Sydney has electrodes on her head. Montage.) AGENT MCCULLOUGH: Are you an operative of SD-6? SYDNEY: Yes. AGENT MCCULLOUGH: How long have you been an operative of SD-6? SYDNEY: Seven years. AGENT MCCULLOUGH: What is your identification and classification numbers with SD-6? SYDNEY: My identification and classifcation numbers are... AGENT MCCULLOUGH: Have you ever been so entertained by the cleverness of a crook that you thought he'd get away with it? Did you reveal information regarding SD-6 to Daniel Hecht? Did you ever lie? What is your relationship to Daniel Hecht? Do you believe that a person is a risk... SYDNEY: Yes. (He leaves.) (Sydney goes up to the door and looks out the window. She watches Sloane speak to someone. She watches intently. He looks at her.) (In the morning, Sydney finally leaves Credit Dauphin. She's tired and still has blood on her shirt. She sees her vehicle being towed.) (Taiwan flashback. Sydney has red hair, the Man is in front of her.) SYDNEY: Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I don't know what you put in that stuff. Wow. Wooo. MAN: I'd rather not make this too painful. SYDNEY: Me, too. Thanks. Glad we're on the same page. It's good. (He comes closer.) SYDNEY: Woahhhhhh... MAN: Who are you working for? I'll not ask you again. SYDNEY: Okay. Get a pen. (He sits down and does so, taking out a pad of paper.) SYDNEY: Write this down. E-M-E-T-I-B. You got that? MAN: Yes. SYDNEY: Okay. Now reverse it. (He does. BITE ME. She laughs, he puts the pad away.) SYDNEY: I've got bad news for you, man. I'm your worst enemy. I've got nothing to lose. (One of the guards gives the man a black kit. He unzips it, showing the dentistry utensils.) MAN: That's not exactly true. You have teeth. (Danny's funeral. Francie holds Sydney's hand. She holds a flower in her hand. The people stand. Sydney hugs everyone. She cries. Sydney's father watches from a distance from his car. At the house, Sydney is crying. She looks at everyone talk. A little kid eats. Will's sister, who has flaming red hair comes up to Sydney, hugs. Will talks to a little kid on the sofa. His sister Amy comes up to them and kisses Will on the cheek. Francie and Sydney hug. Sydney cries.) (In Sydney's bedroom, photos cover the top of her bed. She sits on the floor with a glass of wine, crying. She hits play on her answering machine.) ANSWERING MACHINE: (Sydney) Hey, this is Sydney! (Danny) And this is Danny. I don't live here. (Sydney giggles) Leave me a message and I'll call you back! (Danny) Thank you. She meant to say "Thank you." (Beep.) (She listens to Danny and swallows her tears. She hits record.) SYDNEY: Hey, this is Sydney. Leave me a message... Thank you. (Class.) PROFESSOR: She loved a man and she lost him. This isn't a new theme in literature, but it seems to be one of the favorites. For instance... what does Tennyson contribute to this subject? (Sydney gets a page. She looks at it. It says "Sloane - 911." She puts the pager back in her bag.) PROFESSOR: Although his work is mildly out of fashion, at this time I'd like you to consider the exploration of this theme. It seems to be... (Cut to outside. Sydney walks across campus. A car slows to a stop and Dixon gets out.) DIXON: Sydney. Need a lift? (She turns, and smiles.) SYDNEY: No, thanks. I'm just going to the library. (She hugs him warmly.) SYDNEY: How've you been? DIXON: Okay. You? SYDNEY: Good. Better. Thanks for the flowers. It was nice. DIXON: (nods) Look... Sloane's getting impatient. They gave you a month off. It's been three. SYDNEY: I've talked to Sloane. DIXON: Apparently not to their satisfaction. SYDNEY: I know they sent you here to bring me back. I'm sorry. I just can't yet. DIXON: They got word. FTL is finished building the Mueller device. Sloane wants it. SYDNEY: They don't need me for that op. DIXON: Yes, they do. SYDNEY: Tell them to call Quintero. DIXON: Quintero is dead. They got confirmation Thursday. They need you active, and if they don't have confidence in someone who is in as deep as you are... they will fix that problem. (Sydney kisses his cheek.) SYDNEY: I really am sorry. I'll see you. DIXON: Sid... (She keeps walking.) (At a restaurant, Sydney sits alone and drinks coffee. She looks across the way and sees a couple holding hands. She smiles faintly.) (Parking garage. Sydney walks to her truck. She takes her keys out and hits the alarm. She gets in and is about to clip her seat belt when she sees a red laser light pointed at her. She turns and sees two men in a car with a machine gun carrying a laser pointed right at her. She ducks, laying her body across the seat. Gunfire busts out the window. She fumbles with the keys and sticks them in the ignition with her head still on the seat, she throws the truck in reverse but the other car with the assassins blocks the way. Her trucks smashes into them. Sydney opens the passenger door and flies out, flopping down to the ground. She picks up her bag and starts running. The man with the gun gets out of the car, runs up to the truck with his gun pointed... to see she's not there.) (Sydney running fast. The men following her with a gun. His partner in a car. She gets to the tower elevator, can't open it. She runs around a car and slides down, hiding behind it. Breathing heavily. Tires screech in the distance. She takes her cell phone out and dials.) (Francie's house. Music plays in the background. She answers.) FRANCIE: Hello? (Sydney behind the car.) SYDNEY: Francie, hi. FRANCIE: Oh, hi. You want to hear the worst day ever? SYDNEY: (whispering) Could you call my cell phone? I think the ringer is broken. FRANCIE: Sid, I can barely hear you. SYDNEY: Just call me right back! FRANCIE: Okay... (In the garage, the man with the gun walks around, looking. Suddenly, Sydney's cell phone rings loudly. Thinking he has her, he follows the sound. The cell phone sits on the ground, alone. Sydney comes from behind and kicks the gunman, hard. Punches him. The gun goes flying. He tries kicking her, she moves. He kicks her in the stomach, she gasps. She roundhouse kicks him. He tries kicking her in the head. She kicks him. She flings him on the hood of the car. Roundhouse kick once again. He pushes her on the car hood with one arm twisted behind her back. She takes the antennae off the car and flings it back, it hits the man in the face. He stumbles back. She takes this opportunity to kick him to the ground. He's slumped against a car. She kicks him once more, so hard that his head busts the window in the side door of the car. In the distance she hears the tires screeching, more people coming to get her. She bends down, grabs the man's gun with the laser on it, stands up, points the gun at the car coming at her... and stops.) MR. BRISTOW: Get in! SYDNEY: Daddy?! (More tires screech.) MR. BRISTOW: NOW! (She grabs her phone and the gun and gets in her dad's car. Another car is right behind them. Inside the car, Sydney's father cocks a gun.) SYDNEY: Dad, you have a gun! (Her cell phone rings.) FRANCIE: Hello... SYDNEY: Yeah, it's working, I'll call you later. FRANCIE: Just call me back. You are not going to believe the day I had. SYDNEY: (looking at her dad) Me, too. (She hangs up.) MR. BRISTOW: Hang on. (He starts going backwards while the car comes towards them. He shoots at the car.) SYDNEY: Dad, what are you doing?! (He makes a sharp turn so the car smashes into another car. Sydney and her dad drive away.) MR. BRISTOW: There might be others. Put your seatbelt on. (She does.) MR. BRISTOW: You're going to have to accept that there are many things you won't understand tonight. The one thing you must understand is that the agency doesn't trust you anymore. And they're going to kill you unless you do as I say. I work for SD-6, just like you. Undercover at Genis Aerospace. You leave tonight. I've arraged a flight to France with a connection to Switzerland. You'll be red flagged at customs. I've given you new papers. SYDNEY: I thought you sold airplane parts! MR. BRISTOW: I don't sell airplane parts. I never sold airplane parts. (They stop in a parking lot. A nearby car is parked with its headlights on.) MR. BRISTOW: That car is taking you to the airport. I have to get back so they're not going to know. SYDNEY: Who are you? MR. BRISTOW: Sydney, get in that car! They're only waiting two minutes, then they leave. With or without you! (She pinches at his face, making sure he's real.) MR. BRISTOW: There is no time for you not to trust me! You don't know who you're dealing with! SYDNEY: What does that mean? Who the hell am I dealing with? MR. BRISTOW: About a decade ago, a pool of agents went free-lance. Russian, Libyan, Chinese, Ethopian-- SYDNEY: The alliance of twelve. MR. BRISTOW: What do you know about them? SYDNEY: They're an enemy of the United States. They're mercenaries. They're dangerous. MR. BRISTOW: I'm one of them. SD-6 is not a black ops division of the C.I.A. SD-6 is a branch of the alliance. You work for the very enemy you thought you were fighting. SYDNEY: That's impossible... MR. BRISTOW: Then tell me why you've never been to Langley. You've been lied to! All lower level agents have been lied to. I am trying to help you here! SYDNEY: So, you're saying I'm working for the enemy and that you are the enemy. MR. BRISTOW: Sydney, this is your last chance. You have to go. (The car leaves.) SYDNEY: Who are you to come to me and act like a father? If you want to help me, stay away from me. (She gets out of the car.) (Sydney running down a street, slow motion, crying.) (In the flashforward scenes. Sydney, red hair, sits on a chair with her mouth pried open with a device. The Man has a tooth pulling utensil in his hand.) MAN: Okay. Let's try one more time. Who do you work for? SYDNEY: Ahhh... ahhh... (They remove it off her mouth.) SYDNEY: Ah... I just want to say... start with the teeth in the back. If you don't mind. (They put it back on her mouth. The man pulls her tooth out, without medication. Sydney squirms and screams.) (Newspaper office. A girl gets the mail and walks to the back of the room to find Will at his desk.) WILL: (on phone) Wait, wait, wait. No, let me just--well, the newspaper is doing YOU a favor. Yeah. (hangs up) GIRL: I'm doing a pantry run. You want anything? WILL: No, thanks. Is Lucy back in her office? GIRL: (walking away) What do you think? WILL: Does she even work here anymore? GIRL: (off screen) I hope not. (Will opens his mail and finds a letter. All it says is "I'm on the roof. -S" He smiles.) (On the roof, Sydney waits, wearing the same clothes as the night before.) WILL: Meet me on the roof. That's perfect, though. Some guy just totally hung up on me. I got an hour to kill, want to get some lunch? (sees the bruises) What happened to your face? SYDNEY: I need your help. I can't explain this. You've just got to trust me. WILL: Of course. SYDNEY: I need to borrow one of your sister's credit cards with at least a three thousand dollar limit. I'll pay her back. Can you get it? WILL: Sid, what is this? You owe somebody some money? SYDNEY: There's something else. Do you know where Amy keeps her passport? (Bathroom. Sydney has red dye on her head. She lifts up the passport of Amy's, adds a mole. She puts the same mole on her face.) (Airport. Sydney, dressed in a red sleeveless shirt and a kilt with a choker, walks to the check in counter.) AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: Okay. How many bags are you checking through to Taipei? SYDNEY: Just this one. What lipstick do you use? I love it. AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: Alex Jane lips. Concord Grape. SYDNEY: It totally pops. AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: Thanks. Can I see your passport? SYDNEY: You ever try this one? I think it's too light for me. What do you think? AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: It's pretty on you. SYDNEY: Thanks. AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: Window or aisle? (On the plane, Sydney has her arms crossed, thinking.) (In Taiwan, she walks down the street. In a bathroom, she strips and dresses all in black. Once outside, she tries breaking into a van. When a man pulls up behind her, gets out and blows smoke in her face as he walks by her, Sydney stares at his car. Later, driving the car, Sydney comes to a stop outside the building before where the party was. She gets some rope from her bag and gets out of the vehicle. Outside the building, Sydney spots two armed guards. She climbs up the side of the building. On the roof, she goes down an air vent. She climbs down some stairs and has a flashlight in her hand. She looks around, then runs. She goes down the same stairs she went down before. She tries breaking the lock. Finally unlocking it, she turns and sees a guy who hits her on the head with his gun. Sydney falls to the ground.) (Flashforward. Sydney, blood coming from her mouth after getting her tooth pulled, comes to. The man enters and pulls a chair up next to her.) MAN: The pill I gave you helps the pain. I could tell because you stopped screaming so loudly. That medication, however, only lasts for two hours. And it's been two hours almost. So, (he gets up) you have a choice. Which way to go next? (He holds out the bottle of pills and the tooth remover.) MAN: Tell me, and you get one more. (Sydney mumbles.) MAN: Louder! SYDNEY: I can't... MAN: Who do you work for, you pretty little girl? (Sydney head bunts him. He falls to the ground. She flips her chair over so the back of the chair chokes him across his throat. She gets the handcuffs undone, grabs the man and the chair, sits him down on it and handcuffs him. Sydney breaks a broom over her knee, snapping it in two and comes near him with the tooth remover.) MAN: No... no... (She jabs it in his crotch. He screams. Two guards enter. She hits the first guy with the broom. Hits the second guy. She kicks the first man, hits the second with the piece of broom and roundhouse kicks the first. She grabs the two guns from the men and leaves.) (Control room sees her running. Alerts someone with walkie talkie.) (The door of the lab, that she tried to pick the lock of. Sydney shoots the lock with her guns and kicks the door down. In the lab, she finds the instrument that is now working in a case. A small ball is floating above it. She sprays the lock with the fire extinguisher and smashes the lock. Sydney's hand goes inside and unlatches it. The ball explodes. She stares. Outside, two men run down the hall toward her. Sydney takes the device and covers it with a cloth. The men enter, yell, shoots. She ducks. They shoot. She screams and shoots. No more bullets. Sydney spots the gas line for the experiment and spots a nearby screwdriver. She kicks the screwdriver in the air, catches it, and prys the gas line up. The gas starts hissing. The men move over through the lab while Sydney inches away. Once they're near the gas line, Sydney stands up to get their attention.) SYDNEY: Hey, guys. (They shoot. The fire from their guns ignites the gas and explodes the lab. Sydney runs down the hall with the instrument in her arms. Guards run to the building but Sydney goes down the wall using her rope. She breaks the window of the car and climbs in, driving away.) (Credit Dauphin.) SLOANE: (on phone) Yeah. Send her in. Now. Make sure everybody knows. (Sydney walks through the building, blood coming from her mouth, flaming red hair, black clothes, device in her arms. She walks by Dixon, who stands up and watches her. Sydney marches into Sloane's office and puts it down on his desk. He moves the sheet away, admires it.) SYDNEY: I'm back. SLOANE: All right. SYDNEY: I'm taking a week off. I've got mid-terms. (She walks out.) (Down the street in broad daylight, Sydney walks down the street. She enters a business building and talks to a receptionist.) RECEPTIONIST: May I help you? SYDNEY: I need to speak to the director. Mr. Devlin. RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry, Mr. Devlin is not available. May I leave a message? SYDNEY: Tell him he has a walk-in. RECEPTIONIST: (on phone) We have a walk-in for Mr. Devlin. Yes. (She comes around the counter.) RECEPTIONIST: Come with me, please. (They walk across the floor. We see that a large emblem for the C.I.A. is on the floor.) (Inside, Vaughn walks through the busy room holding a paper cup of coffee and a sandwich on a plate.) VAUGHN: I know, uh, I'll get to it. I swear. (He keeps walking and enters a room. Sydney is furiously writing at the table while another agent - Mr. Weiss - stands.) VAUGHN: Some more coffee. And something to eat. (She doesn't even look up.) VAUGHN: I'm just, uh, let Mr. Weiss know if you need anything else. SYDNEY: (still writing) New pen. This one's dying. (Weiss hands a pen over. Sydney uncaps it and keeps writing.) SYDNEY: Thanks. (Vaughn gives Weiss a look and leaves.) (Inside Vaughn's office. Sydney sits in the chair in front of the desk. She sees a picture of a dressed down Vaughn embracing a cute blonde girl. He comes in and moves the picture away.) VAUGHN: Well, this could be very interesting. SYDNEY: Does that mean I'm in? VAUGHN: No, not yet. They're reviewing your statement. You wrote a lot. SYDNEY: I know. VAUGHN: I mean, it's like Tolstoy long. Devlin says it could take weeks to verify. But I know we could use another double agent in SD-6. (Sydney shakes her head.) VAUGHN: So I'll be in contact. I'm going to get you out of here, keep you concealed. Why are you shaking your head? SYDNEY: Because you said "another." VAUGHN: So? SYDNEY: So, if you really had one already you most likely wouldn't tell me until I was authenticated. VAUGHN: Unless I had an instinct about you. SYDNEY: My bet is you don't. Have another double. VAUGHN: We might. SYDNEY: But you want me to believe that you do so that on the off chance that I'm looking to be a triple agent, I'll report back there was an existing mole to upset the balance of my agency. VAUGHN: I'm not trying to play you. SYDNEY: Yeah. We'll see. VAUGHN: I have an instinct. (stares at her) You need a dentist. Do you have one? Because I can get you a name. SYDNEY: I'm all right. VAUGHN: I'll be right back. (He leaves.) (Graveyard. Sydney, now with her brown hair, puts flowers on Danny's grave. She turns to see her dad.) MR. BRISTOW: I wanted to say I'm sorry. SYDNEY: You don't have to. I'm back at work, I guess you know that. MR. BRISTOW: And I'm sorry about Danny. There was nothing I could do. SYDNEY: I'd like to be alone, if you don't mind. MR. BRISTOW: I know what it's like to lose someone-- SYDNEY: Listen, I don't know what you expect. Just because we're working on the same side, just because I know the truth about you now, that doesn't change a thing between us. I accept what I'm doing now because I have to. That doesn't mean I have to accept you. MR. BRISTOW: (takes out a phone) I asked Devlin if I could come tell you myself. They verified your statement. You're in. I read what you wrote. I appreciate you not naming me. That was... kind. (Pause.) SYDNEY: You're a C.I.A. MR. BRISTOW: You don't know how dangerous this is, Sydney. Doing what I do. I wish you would have taken me up on Switzerland. SYDNEY: How do I know what you're telling me is the truth? MR. BRISTOW: I guess we'll just have to learn to trust each other. (He gives her the phone and walks away. It rings.) SYDNEY: Hello?

Sydney Bristow is a young university student living an uneventful life in Los Angeles. She is recruited to work for SD-6, allegedly a secret branch of the CIA. Later she falls in love with Daniel (Danny) Hecht (Edward Atterton), a promising pediatric cardiologist, and makes the fatal mistake of telling him about her secret identity. When SD-6 finds out, they murder him to protect the secrecy of her identity. Sydney, devastated by this loss, takes several months off from work to recuperate and focus on school. Her partner, Marcus Dixon, is sent to check up on her, and urge her back to work. She tells him that she is not ready yet, even though it is long past when she was supposed to return. In a sudden series of events, an attempt is made on Sydney's life, only to be stopped (with ruthless efficiency) by Jack Bristow, Sydney's estranged father. He reveals that SD-6 is not a CIA division, but in fact a branch of a larger, illegal organization known as the Alliance of Twelve, which seeks to make profits from stolen intelligence and weapons. The "CIA black-ops" is the cover given to most of their employees, only a select few (Jack included) know of the organization's true agenda; the rest are merely pawns whose patriotism is exploited. Sydney is sickened to learn that her father has lied to her for years, and that he is a traitor who was complicit in letting his daughter become a pawn to his colleagues. Realizing that Sloane no longer trusts her, Sydney travels to Taipei and retrieves one of Rambaldi's artifacts in order to win his trust. After confronting Sloane, giving him the artifact, and promising to return to work the following week, she regains Sloane's trust. She visits the real CIA where she meets Michael Vaughn and Eric Weiss. She prepares a written statement telling them everything she knows about SD-6. She requests to become a double agent for the CIA and put an end to Sloane and SD-6. Later, the episode's final scene shows Sydney visiting Danny's grave. There, Jack reveals to Sydney that he is not a traitor, he is working for the CIA, infiltrating SD-6 as a double agent, and that the CIA is expecting her to do the same.

fd_The_X-Files_10x01

fd_The_X-Files_10x01_0

Mulder (O.C.): My name is Fox Mulder. Since my childhood, I have been obsessed by a controversial global phenomenon. Since my sister disappeared when I was 12 years old... in what I believe was an alien abduction. My obsession took me to the FBI, where I investigated paranormal science cases through the auspices of a unit known as the X-Files. Through this unit, I could continue my work on the alien phenomenon, and the search for my missing sister. Mulder (O.C.): In 1993, the FBI sought to impugn my work, bringing in a scientist and medical doctor to debunk it... which only deepened my obsession for the better part of a decade, during which time that agent, Dana Scully, had her own faith tested. Mulder (O.C.): In 2002, in a change of direction and policy, the FBI closed the X-Files, and our investigation ceased. But my personal obsession did not. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder (O.C.): There are 10,000 sightings each year in North America alone, and so it's been since the dawn of time... Stone Age and even biblical references into our modern age. Mulder (O.C.): In 1947, Kenneth Arnold saw nine unidentified craft out the window of his small plane, followed by the historic crash at Roswell and its legendary cover-up. In 1957, UFOs were spotted over our nation's capital. The Pentagon held press briefings. Multiple witnesses in 1967 at Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana see fighters scramble but easily outrun by UFOs that climb upwards of 200,000 feet, twice the service ceiling of our highest-flying spy planes. Dr. Edgar Mitchell, the sixth man to walk on the Moon, cites secret studies on extraterrestrial materials and bodies. Secretary of State Cyrus Vance and future president Gerald R. Ford validate the UFO phenomenon in official government memoranda. But now people only laugh, and only Roswell is remembered. Mulder (O.C.): But we must ask ourselves... are they really a hoax? Are we truly alone? Or are we being lied to? [SCENE_BREAK] [ THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ HIGH DESERT NORTHWESTERN NEW MEXICO 1947 ] [SCENE_BREAK] Can I ask how much longer? Two shakes of a lamb's tail, Doc. Step quick. [SCENE_BREAK] [ OUR LADY OF SORROWS HOSPITAL WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Excuse me. Dr. Scully? Scully: Yes. You have a phone call. Scully: I'm just heading into surgery. That's what I told him, but... but he said it was important. Scully: Who is it? He says his name is Walter Skinner, Assistant Director, FBI. [SCENE_BREAK] If I was the president, the moment I was inaugurated, my hand would still be hot from touching the Bible, and I would immediately race to... wherever they hold... have the files about Area 51 and UFOs, and I'd go through everything to find out what happened. The aliens won't let it happen. Mulder: My life's become a punch line. What's happening out there, Scully? Scully: A.D. Skinner's looking for you. Mulder: Why doesn't he just call me? Scully: He doesn't know how to reach you, Mulder. I barely know how myself. Mulder: What does he want, Scully? Scully: He wants to know if you've been watching someone called Tad O'Malley on the Net... apparently, he's reached out to us from the FBI. Mulder: Hold on. Mulder (O.C): I'm bringing him up. It comes down to this. It's a mainstream liberal media lying to you about life, liberty and your God-given right to bear firearms. Mulder: Why would I watch this jackass, Scully? 9/11 was a false flag operation. It was a warm-up to World War III. Now, hear me on this. It's all part of a conspiracy dating back to the UFO crash at Roswell... Mulder: I thought you were done with UFOs. Mulder (O.C.): The stranglehold they put on your very existence, I believe is how you put it. Scully: I'm just the messenger, Mulder. Scully (O.C.): Apparently this guy is desperate to meet. Mulder: Tell Skinner to set it up. Scully: Seriously? Mulder: And don't pretend I'm going alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [ DOWNTOWN WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Uber? Mulder: Hitchhiked. Relax, Scully. I'm kidding. Scully: I just worry about you, Mulder. Mulder: Not to worry, Doc. I'm taking good care of myself. Scully: It's good for you to get out of that little house every once in a while. Mulder: It certainly was good for you. Scully: I'm always happy to see you. Mulder: And I'm always happy to find a reason. Tad: Fox Mulder? Mulder: Yes. Tad: Tad O'Malley. And you must be former agent Dana Scully. Scully: Yes. That's... quite an entrance you make there. Mulder: She shot men with less provocation. Tad: Funny. I heard you were funny. Join me for a little ride? Mulder: I'd be happy to talk to you, Mr. O'Malley, but right here is fine. Tad: Allow me my small precautions. Low-flying aircraft often employ what they call "dirtboxes" to record conversations that I prefer private. Scully: Aircraft employed by whom? Tad: I'm afraid I can only speculate. Shall we? [SCENE_BREAK] Tad: Because... why not? Mulder: None for me, thanks. Scully? Scully: I take it you have enemies. Tad: Well, not always of my choosing, Dana. Mulder: Air's getting a little hot in here. Tad: Oh, I'm sorry... those don't roll down. I had the vehicle bulletproofed. 'Cause you never know when a gun-toting liberal might go Hinckley. Scully: You'll have to excuse him. How can we help you, Mr. O'Malley? Tad: I'm not some Johnny-come-lately to the UFO phenomenon, Mr. Mulder. Like yourself, I'm a true believer. Mulder: No, I only want to believe. Actual proof has been strangely hard to come by. Tad: You ran the X-Files. You were the X-Files. You all but wrote the book. Mulder: I'm afraid that book is closed. Scully: As are the X-Files. For better or worse, we've... moved on with our lives. Mulder: Yes, we have. For better or for worse. Tad: Well, that's beside the point. Mulder: What is the point, Mr. O'Malley? And how does a man with your conservative credentials count himself a believer in UFOs and 9/11 false flag conspiracies? Tad: I take it you think my message is disingenuous. Mulder: Conspiracy sells... it pays for bulletproof limousines. Tad: You think I do it for the ratings? Mulder: I think you're The O'Reilly Factor with a shopworn little gimmick. Tad: What Bill O'Reilly knows about the truth could fill an eyedropper. Mulder: The Kelly Cahill incident. Tad: Kelly Cahill and her husband were driving home in Victoria, Australia, when a craft appeared overhead. The Cahills lost an hour of time, and Kelly was hospitalized with severe stomach pain after discovering a triangle-shaped mark near her navel. As I said... my interest is real. What I need is your expertise. Scully: Our expertise for what? Tad: I'm rattling some pretty big cages in the intelligence community, but I'm prepared to go all in... prepared to blow open maybe the most evil conspiracy the world has ever known. Scully: That's quite an assertion, Mr. O'Malley. What's stopping you? Tad: If I'm putting my ass out there, I need to know it's hanging by more than just a very slender thread. Mulder: Apparently, he has something to show us. Tad: Something... and someone. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LOW MOOR, VIRGINIA ] [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: Aliens couldn't find this place. How did you, Mr. O'Malley? Tad: A man in my position finds himself contacted by interesting strangers. [SCENE_BREAK] Tad: Everyone, meet Sveta. Sveta, this is Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. Sveta: Hi. Mulder: Hi. Sveta: Hello. Welcome to my home. Tad: Sveta's who suggested I call you. Mulder: And how would you know to do that? Sveta: You probably don't recognize me. Mulder: No, I think I'd remember. Sveta: You interviewed me and my family when I was just a little girl. Right after my first abduction. Please, come in. [SCENE_BREAK] Sveta: These are from over 20 years. Tad: You both probably recognize the classic scoop-mark scars. Scully: How many times have you been abducted, Sveta? Sveta: I lost count. And then there are the screen memories they implant. Tad: The memories implanted over actual memories to make abductees forget. Scully: I'm familiar with the syndrome. Sveta: They aren't always effective, and things come back to me sometimes. Scully: Like what kind of things? Sveta: Tests they do. Harvesting and stuff. Scully: The aliens made you pregnant? Sveta: A number of times. But they take the babies before they're born. Those are the memories they can't remove. Scully: They removed your unborn fetuses? Sveta: Through here. They do everything through here. Even with the DNA. Tad: Tell them about your DNA, Sveta. Sveta: I have alien DNA. For sure. Scully: Have you had a doctor confirm that? Sveta: No. Mulder: Something you could test? Dana? [SCENE_BREAK] Oh, Lord. Oh, good Lord. Damn thing could be dangerous. What are you doing?! For God's sake, what have you done? [SCENE_BREAK] [ OUR LADY OF SORROWS HOSPITAL ] [SCENE_BREAK] Scully: I'm gonna take a swab. If you'll roll up your sleeve, I'll get some blood, too. Sveta: I know you're doubtful about this. Scully: What makes you say that, Sveta? Sveta: I'm kind of a mind reader. Scully: Is that a personal trait, or is that what happens with alien DNA? Sveta: I can move things. With my mind. Scully: Would you care to demonstrate? Sveta: I can't do it all the time. Scully: So it just... happens whenever. Sveta: I don't know how to control it. You were a couple before. Scully: I'm sorry, what? Sveta: You and Mr. Mulder. You were together, but now you're not. Scully: You reading my mind, Sveta? Sveta: He's been depressed. What you diagnosed as endogenous depression. It's what killed your relationship. And you have a child together. Scully: That's enough. Sveta: Do you believe me now? Scully: Why don't you tell me. Sveta: You don't know what it's like to be abducted. To be taken against your will. You don't know. Well... maybe you do. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: I was right about one thing. Conspiracy's made you a very rich man. Tad: One way to look at it. What's made me rich is my pursuit of the truth. Mulder: My pursuit's not been so lucrative. Tad: I feel I need to warn you. When we arrive at our destination, the people we're meeting are very paranoid about the work they do. [SCENE_BREAK] Tad: I want to prepare you for what you're about to see, Mr. Mulder. Mulder: A Faraday cage? For what? Tad: Do you know what an ARV is? Mulder: That's what you brought me here to see? Tad: This is Garner. He'll walk you through the science. Mulder: That's an alien replica vehicle? Garner: Given your background, I would've thought you'd seen one before. Mulder: No, never. Not like that. Garner: What we're showing you we do at great risk. Colleagues have had labs burned to the ground and work destroyed by our own government. Garner: It's running on toroidal energy, so-called zero-point energy. Simply the energy of the universe. Mulder: You're talking about free energy? Garner: That we've had since the '40s. No fuel, no flame, no combustion. A simple electromagnetic field. Technology kept secret for 70 years while the world ran on petroleum. Mulder: Oil companies making trillions. Garner: What I'm gonna show you next is the most unbelievable part. Mulder: Gravity warp drive... but how? Garner: Element 115. Ununpentium. Mulder: Where did you get it? [SCENE_BREAK] Where are you going with that thing? I'm a man of medicine, sir. It's dead. It's done now. Then why even bring me out here? [SCENE_BREAK] Tad: Testing yourself for alien DNA? Scully: High cholesterol. Tad: Sorry to barge in on you like this. It looks like you've had quite a day. Scully: The usual around here. Tad: Doesn't look so usual to me. Scully: It's a disease called Microtia. Children born without ears. Tad: You operate on these kids? Scully: I assist the surgeons, who are really doing God's work. Giving kids what their biology neglected. Tad: So it's a genetic deformity? Scully: Possibly, but not conclusively. It's most common in Navajo Indians. Tad: What's so striking is how alien it looks. Scully: I assure you that is simply a random coincidence, Mr. O'Malley. Tad: You mean, unrelated to your previous work experience? Scully: Far, far from that experience. Tad: Do you miss it at all? The X-Files? Scully: As a scientist, it was probably some of the most intense and challenging work I've ever done. I've never felt so alive. Tad: You mean working with Mulder? Scully: Possibly one of the most intense and challenging relationships I may ever have. And, quite honestly, the most impossible. Tad: Yeah. I got that impression. Scully: Are you here for a reason? Tad: I needed to know you weren't upset by Mulder putting you on the spot with this Sveta business. Scully: No, it's fine. I'm... used to it. Tad: And I just wanted to see you again. [SCENE_BREAK] Sveta: How did you get here? Mulder: Hitchhiked. Mulder: There was a moment you were being asked about your abductions... about your pregnancies, how the aliens took your babies... and before you answered, you looked at O'Malley. Why? Sveta: Because it's not exactly the right question. Mulder: I'm sorry, I don't understand. Sveta: Because I don't believe it's aliens who were taking them. Mulder: But you said you were abducted. Sveta: This is difficult. These are very difficult memories, and this is... very dangerous answers. Mulder: Well, everything stays between us, Sveta. Sveta: The things I've experienced... they've affected my entire life. They've made it impossible to have anything like a normal existence. Mulder: What are you afraid of? Sveta: That it only gets worse. Mulder: Sveta, who took your babies? Sveta: Men. Mulder: Men? Humans? You saw their faces? Sveta: Yes. They took me aboard their ships. And... I was afraid they would kill me if I ever told anyone the truth. Mulder: It's why you didn't see a doctor. Sveta: Who can I trust? They would call me a liar when they're the liars. Mulder: You can trust me. Sveta: You worked for the government. Mulder: Technically, but not for years. Sveta: But you always wondered. If they weren't lying to you, too. [ MULDER TAP TO ANSWER ] Scully: Mulder. Mulder: Scully, listen to me. I've been misled. We've been misled. Scully: Mulder, hold on a second. Mulder: No, just-just listen to what I'm saying. What if everything we've been led to believe in is a lie? Mulder (O.C.): What if there is no alien conspiracy? Scully: Can we pull over a second? I've got to get out. Scully: Mulder, what are you talking about? Mulder: I'm talking about everything we've been led to believe. Mulder (O.C.): Our work, the X-files, everything. Scully: Can we talk about this soon? Mulder: I know why O'Malley came to us, Scully. And that girl is the key, Scully. Sveta is the key to everything. Scully: Couldn't you be jumping to conclusions? Mulder: I can't do this over the phone right now, Scully. I got to go. Scully: Mulder, where are you going? Mulder? Talk to me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ FBI HEADQUARTERS WASHINGTON, D.C ] [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: Where are they... the files? Skinner: I don't know where they are. Mulder: You said no one had been down here, it hadn't been touched. Skinner: Not for 14 years since you and Scully left the Bureau. Mulder: I need access to the X-Files. Skinner: Can you tell me what this is about? Mulder: It's about controlling the past to control the future. It's about fiction masquerading as fact. Now, you owe me some answers, Skinner. Skinner: You just calm the hell down, Mulder, before we both get pissed off. I don't take orders from you. Mulder: No. Who do you take orders from? Skinner: Why do you think I called you? Because I was looking out for you, like I've always looked out for you. Mulder: A decade of my life in this office. And all the time, I was being led by my nose through a dark alley to a dead end, exactly as they planned. Skinner: You're blaming me for that? Mulder: No, I'm blaming myself. I'm sure they lied to you, too. Skinner: There hasn't been a day since you left that I haven't reached for my phone to call you, Mulder, wishing that you were still down here. Since 9/11, this country has taken a big turn in a very strange direction. Mulder: How they police us and spy on us, tell us that makes us safer? We've never been in more danger. Skinner: Then do something about it, Mulder. Mulder: Now you've got my number. [SCENE_BREAK] So if you own a registered firearm, you will actually be targeted as an enemy by your own government in the likely imposition of martial law. But I'd like to end the show on a brighter note by pointing out the heroic work being done by a friend of mine. Literally putting kids back together who are born without something we all take for granted. At Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital in Washington, D.C., Dr. Dana Scully, working to mend the lives of unfortunate children. Dr. Scully? I've got your test results back. Scully: Thank you. Nurse? I need you to do something. Of course. Scully: I need these samples retested. Was there a problem with them? Dr. Scully? We need you in here. Scully: I just want them retested, please. Thank you. Oh. And I'm expecting a call... well, I'm hoping for a call... from somebody named Mulder. [SCENE_BREAK] [ NATIONAL MALL WASHINGTON, D.C. ] [SCENE_BREAK] Is the hour absolutely necessary? Mulder: It was important that I see you. We made an agreement about our meeting in unsecured environments. Mulder: I took the usual precautions. I'm assuming you did, too. I've been standing here for over an hour. I haven't seen a soul. I called you because you said, if I ever put the pieces together, that you would confirm. And have you put them together? Mulder: I've met someone, I've seen something. 'Cause you weren't even close. Warring aliens lighting each other on fire and other such nonsense. Mulder: I was being cleverly manipulated. And what brings this new clarity? Mulder: I saw an ARV running on free energy. I saw it disappear. That's what they all seem to do. Mulder: But the technology exists. It's existed since Roswell. And it's been in use, being used on humans in human testing, the taking of men, women and children that's misreported as alien abductions. So you believe you have the how. Mulder: Yes. And I think I know the why. The why is more complicated than you may ever know, Mr. Mulder. Mulder: 60 years ago, we were warned about the military industrial complex gathering too much power. This is old news. Mulder: The countdown has begun. It began in 2012, but no one knew. Tell me something new. Mulder: Alien technology being used against us, not by aliens, not with aliens, but by a venal conspiracy of men against humanity. You're wasting my time. Mulder: What are the tests for? You tell me, Mr. Mulder. Mulder: Ten years ago, you came to me saying you couldn't take your secrets to your grave, that you couldn't live with it. I'm a man of medicine. I didn't know how my work would be used. The lies are so great, Mr. Mulder. The truth must be unassailable. Mulder: So let me tell the world. They'll make a mockery of us. Mulder: Then let me take that bullet. And these men are capable of that. You're nearly there. You're close. Roswell. That was a smokescreen. Mulder: So I've been told. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: What are you doing here, Scully? Scully: Mulder, you hang up on me, I don't hear from you all day, you're on some jag about the X-Files. Mulder: I figured it out. It all makes complete sense. All these years, we've been deceived. Scully: I don't know what you mean. Mulder: I... I couldn't call you because it's gonna sound crazy. Scully: That's why I'm here, Mulder, as somebody who cares about you. As somebody who's worried about you. Mulder: All right, just listen to me, all right? Scully: No, you listen to me, Mulder. Mulder: Scully, you got to trust me on this. Scully: I have seen this before. You're on fire, believing that you're onto some truth, that you can save the world. Mulder: This will finally be their undoing. Scully: It'll be your undoing, Mulder. Mulder: This is my life. This is everything. This is everything I believe in. Scully: You want to believe. You so badly want to believe. Mulder: I do believe. I believe that Tad O'Malley is right. This is not an alien conspiracy. It's a conspiracy of men. Scully: Tad O'Malley is a charming man full of charming BS, Mulder. Mulder: No, he woke me up. Scully: How do you know he's not playing you? He's a player. Mulder: He's been a godsend. Scully: What are you talking about? Mulder: The truth is out there, Scully, and Tad O'Malley's gonna broadcast it. Scully: Mulder... listen to me. As your friend and as a physician, you are on dangerous ground here. Mulder: I know what I'm doing. Sveta: Is everything okay? Mulder: Yeah, everything is okay. She's the key to everything. Sveta... is the key. Scully: You know what you're doing. Mulder: Scully... [SCENE_BREAK] Tad: Hey. Where you going? You're not leaving, are you? Scully: I just need to get out of here. Tad: Stay. It's important. Scully: Don't tell me what's important, please. I just need to leave. Tad: Wasn't she invited? Mulder: I would have invited you, Scully, but I didn't think you'd come. Scully: I shouldn't have come. Tad: Then what are you doing here? Scully: Mulder, what are you up to? [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: The tentacles reach far back into the last century, but it wasn't until victories in Europe and Japan and the onset of the Cold War that political and economic conditions became perfect for actual execution. A conspiracy bigger and more secret than the Manhattan Project. Tad: More odious and far-reaching. Mulder: No sooner had we defeated Germany than a new threat started appearing in skies over America, drawn to Earth by the latest threat to extinction: the H-bomb. Explosions acting as transducers, drawing alien life forms through wormholes in spaceships using electrogravitic propulsion. Advanced extraterrestrial species visiting us, concerned for mankind and the threat of our self-destruction, forestalling our annihilation through their own self-sacrifice. Mulder: The crashes at Roswell. More importantly, places like Aztec. World leaders signed secret memos directing scientific studies of alien technology and biochemistry. Classified studies were done at military installations S4, Groom Lake, Wright-Patterson and Dulce, extracting alien tissue. Mulder: Tests were done on unsuspecting human subjects in elaborately staged abductions, in craft using alien technology recovered from the downed saucers... including human hybridization through gene editing and forced implantation of alien embryos. Sveta: Why do such a thing and lie about it... our own government? Mulder: Your own government lies as a matter of course, as a matter of policy... the Tuskegee experiments on black men in the '30s; Henrietta Lacks. Sveta: What are they trying to do? Mulder: That's the missing piece. Tad: But it's not hard to imagine... a government hiding, hoarding... alien technology for 70 years, at the expense of human life and the future of the planet. Driven not only by corporate greed, but... a darker objective. Mulder: The takeover of America. Tad: And then the world itself, by any means necessary, however violent... or cruel... or efficient. By severe drought brought on by weather wars conducted secretly using aerial contaminants and high-altitude electromagnetic waves, in a state of perpetual war to create problem-reaction- solution scenarios to distract, enrage and enslave American citizens at home with tools like the Patriot Act and the National Defense Authorization Act, which abridged the Constitution in the name of national security. Tad: The militarization of police forces in cities across the U.S. The building of prison camps by the Federal Emergency Management Agency with no stated purpose. The corporate takeover of food and agriculture, pharmaceuticals and health care, even the military, in clandestine agendas, to fatten, dull, sicken and control a populace already consumed by consumerism. And I encourage you all to go shopping more. Tad: A government that taps your phone, collects your data and monitors your whereabouts with impunity. A government preparing to use that data against you when it strikes and the final takeover begins. Scully: The takeover of America. Tad: By a well-oiled and well-armed multinational group of elites that will cull, kill and subjugate. Scully: Happening as we sit here. Tad: It's happening all around us. Mulder: The other shoe waiting to drop. Tad: It'll probably start on a Friday. The banks will announce a security action necessitating their computers to go offline all weekend. Mulder: Digital money will disappear. Sveta: They can just steal your money? Mulder: Followed by the detonation of strategic electromagnetic pulse bombs to knock out major grids. Tad: What will seem like an attack on America by terrorists or Russia. Mulder: Or a simulated alien invasion using alien replica vehicles that exist and are already in use. Scully: An alien invasion of the U.S. Mulder: The Russians tried it in '47. Scully: You can't say these things. Tad: I'm gonna say them tomorrow. Scully: It's fearmongering claptrap, isolationist techno-paranoia so bogus and dangerous and stupid... that it borders on treason. Saying these things would be incredibly irresponsible. Mulder: It's irresponsible not to say it. Sveta: Especially if it's the truth. Scully: Your test came back negative. Mulder: What do you mean, negative? Scully: She has no evidence of alien DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [ TRUTH SQUAD WITH TAD O'MALLEY SHOW ] [SCENE_BREAK] Tad: I promised you the truth today, but that truth has come under assault. Sveta: Tad O'Malley tried to put words in my mouth. He paid me to create stories about alien abductions. He is saying lies and stories for his TV show so people will watch. I am... so sorry if I misled anyone. Mulder: They got to her. Tad (O.C.): These are the depths our government stoops to. We must be making them very afraid. Nurse: Dr. Scully? Your test results came back in. [SCENE_BREAK] Mulder: Sveta? Sveta? Sveta? [SCENE_BREAK] No, no. Stop! You can't! You have no right... [SCENE_BREAK] [ "FINDER SPYDER" TRUTH SQUAD WITH TAD O'MALLEY ] [ ERROR 404 SITE TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE ] [SCENE_BREAK] [ DON'T GIVE UP ] Mulder: There's something called the Venus syndrome. It's a runaway global warming scenario that leads us to the brink of the Sixth Extinction. Those with means will prepare to move off the planet into space, which has already been weaponized against the poor, huddled masses of humanity that haven't been exterminated by the uber-violent fascist elites. If you believe in that kind of thing. Scully: You look exhausted, Mulder. Mulder: It was a long day at the office. Scully: I don't know if you saw, but... Tad O'Malley pulled the plug. Mulder: They're very good, these guys, you know? Scully: And what about Sveta? Where is she? Mulder: I'm sure they scared her to death. Scully: We need to find her, Mulder. We need to protect her, no matter what. Mulder: Why? You said her tests came back negative. Scully: I ran them again. In fact... I sequenced her entire genome because I didn't trust the initial results. Mulder: Are you saying she has alien DNA? Scully: And I sequenced my own genome... because of my history and... because we have a child together. Mulder: Scully... what are you saying? Scully: I'm saying she's not the only one. I'm saying someone has to stop these sons of bitches. Mulder: Skinner. Skinner. [ SITUATION CRITICAL. NEED TO SEE YOU BOTH ASAP. ] Mulder: Scully, are you ready for this? Scully: I don't know there's a choice. [SCENE_BREAK] Sveta: Oh, no... Please... Please don't quit. No. Oh, no. No! No! [SCENE_BREAK] Yes. Yes. I see. We have a small problem. They've reopened the X-Files.

Thirteen years after the original series run, the next mind-bending chapter of the thrilling series THE X-FILES has arrived. Fox Mulder and Dana Scully have been contacted by Tad O'Malley, a popular conspiracy theorist web-TV show host who believes he has uncovered a significant government conspiracy. With the assistance of FBI Asst. Dir. Walter Skinner, O'Malley seeks to enlist the help of former X-Files agents Mulder and Scully, who have since severed ties with the FBI. Through O'Malley they are introduced to Sveta, a possible alien abductee who shares shocking information with them that will challenge everything that Mulder has ever believed about the existence of aliens and the government's role in covering them up.

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LORELAI'S HOUSE [Lorelai sits quietly at the kitchen table, feet up, cordless phone to her ear. Her eyes move back and forth over the floor. Switch to Rory's dorm. She is doing the same thing. Camera pans out back at Lorelai's to show that she is watching an automatic vacuum roll around. So is Rory.] LORELAI: So is this more or less fun than watching the same T.V. show at the same time? RORY: I think it's more. LORELAI: You know, if we died right now, and decomposed, it would vacuum us up and no one would ever know. RORY: Freaky. OPENING CREDITS YALE DORMS - RORY'S COMMON ROOM [Paris enters from outside, wearing a pink bathrobe and toweling her hair.] PARIS [singing]: I'm walking on sunshine! Whoa! I'm walking on sunshine, whoa! I'm walking on sunshine, whoa! And don't it feel good! Hey, all right! [Rory emerges from her bedroom.] RORY: Hey! PARIS: What? RORY: Learn a new song, or I am tying you to a chair and putting Hotel Rwanda on again. PARIS: It's love, baby. Deal. [She brushes her hair.] RORY: You're not going to use that as a microphone, are you? PARIS: Oh, no, Reverend has the town band dancing and singing? [Paris grins.] I'm really happy. RORY: Doyle, I assume? PARIS: You know, he calls me his girlfriend now with no visible shaking. RORY: I'm happy you're happy. PARIS: So, how are things with Logan? RORY [smiling]: You want to hand me that hairbrush? PARIS: Look at us. We're happy, we have boyfriends! This is infinitely better than any mood stabilizer I have ever been on. [Someone knocks on the door.] RORY: Oh, shoot, what time is it? PARIS: It's Hammer time. RORY: It's Logan. Hairbrushes down. PARIS: You got it. [Rory walks over and opens the door.] LOGAN: Evening, Ace. RORY: Hi. [They kiss.] PARIS: Nice. Very nice. RORY: Hey, you want to see my room? It's far away from here. LOGAN: Super idea. [They go into her room and close the door. They kiss some more.] RORY: Hello. LOGAN: Hello. RORY: What are you thinking about? LOGAN: Whether or not you've ever woken up with Paris standing over you with a knife. RORY: Not recently. She's been in a good mood. LOGAN: Why is that? RORY: Because she's in love. LOGAN: With Doyle? RORY: Yes, with Doyle. And do not mock or make fun, because when Paris is happy, the whole world is happy. But when she's not happy, the whole world is Deadwood. LOGAN: Got it. You hungry? RORY: Yes, I'm starving. Just let me get my sweater. [She opens her closet.] Hey, what do you think of this dress? Does it look newspaper-y enough? LOGAN: What? RORY: I'm trying to figure out what to wear on my first day at the paper. LOGAN: Ah, the internship rears its ugly head again. RORY: I want to look professional but not too Lois Lane-y, and I don't want to look like a college kid. LOGAN: You are a college kid. RORY: Not on Monday. On Monday, I am a newspaper woman. And I have to look like a newspaper woman. LOGAN: Whatever you wear will be fine. RORY: I'm so excited. [She hangs up the dress.] LOGAN: I can tell. RORY: Oh. Last night, I couldn't sleep, so I Googled your father. LOGAN: Excuse me? RORY: Twelve thousand fifty three items came up. I could only pull up a couple thousand, but it really helped. [She holds up the stack of papers, flipping through them. Logan looks amused and a little disturbed.] He was born in 1953, Episcopalian, second of four children, oldest boy, Yale undergrad, star of the track team. No grad school. Interesting. Then he had a couple of lost years. Kind of a blank period, a little Jesus thing going on there. Worked as a reporter and editor for two of the Huntzberger papers before taking over as CEO of the company! LOGAN: Uh - RORY: I mean, when you look at all these accomplishments, the man must never sleep! LOGAN: Well - RORY: Ah. Mm-hm, four hours a night. Just like Clinton. LOGAN: You don't have a wall in a secret room with pictures of my father pasted all over it, do you? RORY: Logan, I'm going to be interning for him. I need to know everything about him. Is he an egghead? Because he seems very roll-up-the-sleeves-y. But he's written about everything, from foreign affairs, domestic policies. He had a wine column, for God's sake. I should learn more about wine. LOGAN: Look, Rory - RORY: What are his politics? He's unbelievably neutral in his writing! Right wing, left wing, middle wing. Oh, the man was short-listed for the Pulitzer for covering the Iranian hostage crisis when he was twenty-five! LOGAN: Yeah, I heard something about that. RORY: Twenty-five! How did he do that? Especially considering his lost years? He's a born journalist. I mean, what does he read? What papers, what journals? Come on, tell me something. LOGAN: He hates peas. RORY: Logan, I need your help here. LOGAN: Rory, my dad and I basically have two conversations. 'Logan, you're not living up to your potential' and 'Logan, when you're sailing close-hauled, wait until you gain that last bit of boat speed before you pull in the jib sheet.' That's it. RORY: But - LOGAN: Ace! You've learned more about my father in one night than I've learned in my whole life! Don't worry. You're going to be fine! Now, I thought we've established that we're both starving. RORY: Yes, we have. Let's go. [She puts down her notes on Mitchum, grabs her sweater and turns to leave. She remembers something else, and turns around to write it down.] RORY: Oh! Wait! Your dad covered Haiti in 1985. Must learn more about Haiti. Got it. Okay, let's go. Hey, have you ever discussed Pinochet with him? Because one time he wrote - LOGAN: Peas, Ace. Peas. RORY: Right. Sorry. [He directs her out the door.] YALE CLASSROOM [Rory and classmates sit around a large round table. The professor lectures.] PROFESSOR: As we move on from the empiricist to the rationalist, it would be good to start thinking about the differences between the A posteriori truths, and the Apriority truths of the rationalist, which exists independent of experience. So for Wednesday if you would all take a crack at the first five chapters of Spinoza's Ethics. That is, those of you who's entire weekend won't be consumed by books on wine and Haiti. [He gestures at the stack of reference books piled in front of Rory.] RORY: Yes. My interests are teasingly diverse. PROFESSOR: Whatever. See you all on Wednesday. [The students pack up their things. Rory's cell phone rings.] RORY: Hello? [Scene cuts from the classroom to Stars Hollow Street, where Lorelai is walking.] LORELAI: Ah, thank God. Did you return the blue sweater? RORY: Oh, no. LORELAI: Answer, please. RORY: Two days ago. LORELAI: Why? RORY: Why? Because two days ago you asked me to take it back. Demanded me, in fact. LORELAI: And suddenly you're just so freakin' reliable, you just hop to it and do whatever I say? RORY: I've always been freakin' reliable. It's how I was raised. LORELAI: Oh, so blame me. RORY: I am not returning the blue sweater again, so don't think about asking. LORELAI: But I want it, I need it. RORY: I've already returned the Capri pants twice. I've tried to return a couple of your other items that were all sales final, which makes me look retail simple. And this is not the first, but the second time I will have returned the blue sweater. LORELAI: Ooh, the Capri pants. Have you taken those back yet? RORY: I can't show my face in any stores in New Haven. They think I'm Paper Mooning them. LORELAI [proud]: Oh, she was very cute in Paper Moon. You're very cute, too. RORY: Calling me cute is not going to persuade me. And I have classes. A life. LORELAI: Monday afternoon. That's your free time, right? I remember some bragging to that effect. Go back on Monday. RORY: Oh. Well, Monday used to be free. LORELAI: Used to be? It's not free anymore? RORY: I guess we haven't talked in a couple of days. Um, I actually got an internship. LORELAI: Really? RORY: Kind of an important high-profile one. LORELAI: Wow! That's great! RORY: It's for a newspaper in Stamford that Logan's dad acquired. He offered me the spot himself. LORELAI: Logan's dad. RORY: Yeah. It was kind of out of the blue. LORELAI: So when did you hear? RORY: Just a few days ago. I forgot I hadn't told you, I start on Monday. LORELAI: Wow, congratulations! RORY: It's a pretty amazing opportunity. LORELAI: Yeah, sounds like it. You'll be having lunch with the off-bet editors from the Times. Hanging out with Peter Jennings. Dan Rather will be valet parking your car. RORY: Yeah, it's more likely that I'll be pulling wire reports off the AP machine, but sure. LORELAI: Good, good. So, no worries on the blue sweater front. RORY: It's off my radar screen. LORELAI: Really? So you're really not going to make the effort? RORY: I'll see if I can swing by on Tuesday. LORELAI: Just send your assistant. You're getting an assistant, right? RORY: Oh, I'm sure. I'll see you Friday night. LORELAI: Bye, hon. RORY: Bye. STARS HOLLOW - TWICKHAM HOUSE [Luke walks into the diorama room.] LUKE: Taylor? TAYLOR [OS]: Hello, is someone out there? LUKE: Where are you, Taylor? TAYLOR [OS]: Over here! I can't move! [Luke wanders through the room, notices the horse mannequin with the Jebediah family on top of it. Taylor's hand waves from underneath the pile.] LUKE: Oh, I have got to get a camera. [He walks over to look at Taylor.] LUKE: How in the hell did you do this? TAYLOR: I was doing a little light dusting, and was toying with the idea of repositioning the horse's hindquarters, and the whole thing came tumbling down. LUKE: You can't leave anything alone, can you? TAYLOR: Are you going to help me, or not? I feel like I've been lying here for days. LUKE: You have not been lying here for days. Kirk came into the diner two hours ago. TAYLOR: You waited two hours to come and get me? LUKE: I have a business. I can't come running every time a family of mannequins decides to attack you. [He starts to lift the horse off of Taylor.] TAYLOR: Ow! LUKE: Just lie still. TAYLOR: Oh, this is so humiliating. LUKE: Taylor, don't you think it's time? TAYLOR: Time for what? LUKE: You've been trapped under the Jebediahs for two hours and no one has come in here. TAYLOR: What's your point, Luke? LUKE: My point is the museum's a bust. TAYLOR: Well, I'll admit. Attendance is low. LUKE: No one is coming! TAYLOR: I was reading an article about the power of bus bench ads for getting the word out. Very big in the music industry. Apparently the rapper, Fitty Cent, swears by them. LUKE: Taylor, come on. Isn't it time to sell? Let somebody who really wants this place have it! TAYLOR: I guess it is. I had such dreams. LUKE: There'll be other dreams. TAYLOR: I guess. You can resume your attempts to get me out of here. LUKE: You're definitely ready to sell the house? TAYLOR: Yes. LUKE: Then let's get you out of here. ELDER GILMORE'S HOUSE [Emily, Richard and Rory are eating dinner.] RORY: Tennis lessons? That sounds great, Grandma. EMILY: I've always liked tennis. And I have to say, I'm excited by the prospect of getting some good, healthy exercise. RICHARD: I'm excited by the prospect of those fetching tennis costumes. EMILY: Richard, not in front of Rory. RORY: Oh, I'm fairly worldly now, Grandma. RICHARD: She was a heck of a tennis player in her day. And very competitive. EMILY: I wasn't that competitive. RICHARD: This woman was kicked off the field hockey team in Smith for elbowing Ceci Everetts in the neck. EMILY: She got in my way. RICHARD: And this happened in the parking lot after the game. EMILY: Now, now. Rory, tell us a little more about this internship. It sounds very exciting. RORY: Well, all I really know is that I'm going to be shadowing Mitchum Huntzberger, just to sort of learn and observe, plus pitching in here and there. RICHARD: You are going to learn a hell of a lot. EMILY: It was very sweet of Logan to arrange this for you. RORY: Well, actually, Mitchum Huntzberger offered it to me himself. EMILY [impressed]: Really? RICHARD: Now, how about that? He just called you up? Your reputation for excellence preceded you? RORY: Well, he came by Yale, actually. I had met him when I had dinner at his house, and then - EMILY: Dinner? What dinner? RORY: Um, just a dinner that Logan took me to. RICHARD: At the Huntzbergers' house? RORY: Well, yes. EMILY: When? When? RORY: About a week ago, I guess. RICHARD: Good Lord. EMILY: Richard, it's already been a week! RICHARD: We need to invite him right away! RORY: Who? EMILY: Logan! The ball's been dropped! RICHARD: I'll put an invite in the mail first thing tomorrow. EMILY: We really should have had him over first. We probably should call him as well. RICHARD: We could messenger it in by tonight, it isn't even eight. RORY: Well, it's really nice of you to want to have him over, really, but you don't need to. EMILY: Rory, if you could mention it to him yourself, preferably tonight, I'll get a note over to him tomorrow. RICHARD: He'll need a choice of dates. EMILY: I'll get my book. RICHARD: I'll get mine, too. [They get up and rush off.] EMILY: Rory! RORY: Mm! Oh, call him now! RICHARD: Right now, right now, right now. RORY: Oh, okay! [She gets up and goes to the phone. Scene cuts between the Gilmore's living room and Logan's dorm, where he is reading on the couch.] LOGAN: Hello? RORY: Listen. You're going to be getting a note from the Gilmores sometime soon. Maybe in the mail, maybe hand delivered tonight. For all I know, a carrier pigeon is heading for your room as we speak. You might want to open your window. LOGAN: Why is a carrier pigeon heading here? RORY: They want to have you over for dinner. LOGAN: Oh. RORY: They're flipping out about it. She's sending an apology for being so remiss as to wait one whole week since I had dinner at your house to extend an invitation. I mean, they're losing it. So I'm calling to warn you, and, I want you to know, I didn't suggest us having dinner with them or encourage it in any way. And I definitely did not refer to you as my b-word in front of them or even imply it in any way. Because, you know, I'm really happy with the way things have been going and I don't want any pressure put on us, and I'm sorry, and I think I already said that, and that's it. LOGAN: What are the odds of getting out of this? RORY: Pretty much zero. LOGAN: Then let's do it. RORY: Really? LOGAN: Yeah, it won't be so bad. RORY: Well, you are a true gentleman. [She hears a bang from Logan's end of the phone.] Oh, my God, what was that? LOGAN: Carrier pigeon. Should have opened the window. RORY: Not funny. LOGAN: Kinda funny. RORY [smiling]: Bye. LOGAN: Bye. LUKE'S DINER [Luke serves Lorelai dinner.] LUKE : Burger rare, cheddar cheese, barbecue sauce on the side. LORELAI: Oh, hey, save Rory some lemon pie. LUKE: Rory's coming in tonight? LORELAI: Yeah, she's going to see Lane's band play at Positively Four Street tonight. They have the coveted three in the morning slot. LUKE: I hear that's how Zeppelin started. LORELAI: Yeah, her genius plan is to come home, go to bed early, set the clock for two, get up and go rock. LUKE: Solid plan. LORELAI: Yes, except that when the clock goes off at two, she will be dead asleep and won't hear it. I, however, will. I will then proceed to get up, drag myself downstairs, recreating a classic Zucker Brothers moment and then I'll shake her awake. She'll get up, throw on some jeans, a t-shirt, and no make-up and look like a Neutrogena ad, whereas once she leaves, I'll pass out on the couch, too exhausted to make it all the way upstairs, and in the morning I will have bags under my eyes that should have Tumi stamped on them. I love being a mom. [They see some men carrying a mannequin down the street.] Aw. Are the guys in town unusually lonely these days? LUKE: No, they're from the museum. I think they're getting ready to close it. LORELAI: Close it? No! Why? LUKE: Oh, well, you know, no one was going. LORELAI: I was going. LUKE: Oh, well, you went once. LORELAI: No, I was going to go again! Just as soon as the nightmares about the 'I love Jesus' mannequin subsided. LUKE: Well, you saw it once. LORELAI [sighs]: I guess. [Rory enters.] RORY: Here's your sweater, and I hope you're happy, because the saleswoman called me a name. Where's my pie? LORELAI: Luke! Pie! [She pulls the sweater out of the bag and wrinkles her nose.] LORELAI: What do we think? RORY: It's great. LORELAI: Huh. RORY: No. LORELAI: I thought it was light blue. RORY: No, it was dark blue. LORELAI: Oh. Did they have one that was light blue? RORY: You are officially banned from ever shopping in New Haven again. LORELAI: Well, thank God I have you to do it for me. [Luke brings over Rory's pie.] RORY: Hey, Luke. You're the only one I like around here at the moment. LUKE: Right back at you. LORELAI: Okay, so, other than your stylist duties, what else is going on in the life of the young and hopeful? RORY: I'm considering taking Russian. LORELAI: Oh, very practical. How's Logan? RORY: He's fine. Grandma and Grandpa invited him to dinner. LORELAI: You're kidding. RORY: It was actually less of an invite and more of a freak-out. They heard about the dinner I went to. LORELAI: Heard how much? RORY: The Reader's Digest version. LORELAI: Got it. RORY: Apparently they've already exceeded the polite reciprocal invite window, and if he doesn't come to dinner soon, Grandma has to give back her pearls. LORELAI: Wow. So, um, when is this dinner happening? RORY: Three dates were proposed. Logan's picking one of them. LORELAI: Huh. So it should be an interesting evening. RORY: Yep. I'll take notes and pictures. LORELAI: Cool, okay. You do that. LORELAI'S HOUSE - RORY'S BEDROOM [The digital clock says it is 12:30. Lorelai suddenly pounces on sleeping Rory. Rory whines.] LORELAI: I want to go to dinner. RORY: Where's the clock? LORELAI: I mean, you said that I could meet Logan properly, and you know how good I am when there's food involved! RORY: Twelve thirty! LORELAI: I mean, is there a reason I wasn't invited? RORY: Ah. Can't we talk about this tomorrow? LORELAI: It is tomorrow. I just don't think it's right that they get first dibs on him. I mean, I am your mom, and we are very close, in case you haven't heard, and I should get to know him first! RORY: Grandma and Grandpa already know him! LORELAI: Huh! Okay, so they have a head start! Fine. But I bet they won't know him, know him like I will know him if you let me go to dinner. RORY: I didn't think you'd want to come to dinner. LORELAI: Why not? RORY: Well, it's at their house, first of all, and I don't know how you feel about the Logan situation. LORELAI: Hey, this guy is in your life and I want to know him. Don't you want me to know him? RORY: Of course I want you to know him. LORELAI: Okay, so - RORY: I'd love for you to come to dinner. LORELAI: Great! Good. You call Grandma for me. [She gets up and heads out the door.] RORY: No way! LORELAI [startled, turns around]: Why not? RORY: You want to come to dinner, you call Grandma! LORELAI: But I'm not talking to Grandma. RORY: Well, you're going to have to talk to her if you come to dinner! LORELAI: No, I won't. RORY: Mom! LORELAI: No. I am there to talk to Logan. To get to know him. I mean, other than the fact that he's blond, rich and straight, I'm out. RORY: You're not going to come to dinner and ignore Grandma. LORELAI: I will not be ignoring her. I just don't think I'll get to her. RORY: What? LORELAI: Well, I've heard through the grapevine that Logan is so chatty that once you get him started there's no shutting him up. RORY: Mom, forget it. If you want to go, then you are going to have to call Grandma and tell her that you're going! LORELAI: But - RORY: Now, I have to get up in two hours! So, if you don't mind, beat it! LORELAI: But - RORY: Hey! Sleeping! [Rory shoos Lorelai out of her room. Lorelai turns on the light as she leaves.] RORY: Mom! LORELAI [flips it back off]: Sorry! STAMFORD EAGLE GAZETTE [Rory gets off the elevator. She looks lost.] RECEPTIONIST: Can I help you? RORY: I was just trying to figure out if I'm in the right place. RECEPTIONIST: Were you hoping to be in some sort of newspaper office? RORY: Yes, I was. I'm Rory Gilmore, I'm an intern. Mitchum, uh, Mr. Huntzberger, hired me. For nothing, of course, because an intern makes nothing and they're happy to do it. I'm new. RECEPTIONIST: Here's a temporary I.D. Sometime today, stop by and see Al Carson. He'll take a picture and give you a permanent one. RORY: I've never had a picture I.D. before! I'll take very good care of it. Is there a fine if you lose it? RECEPTIONIST: No fine. RORY: Well, I still won't lose it. I promise. RECEPTIONIST: Okay, you need to go see Harry, he deals with interns. [She presses a button on her switchboard.] Good morning, Eagle Gazette. Please hold. [She presses a button again.] Good morning, Eagle Gazette. RORY: Uh, where do I find Harry? RECEPTIONIST [waves her hand toward some cubicles]: I'm sorry, Mr. Wallace won't be in until this afternoon. Uh-huh. [Rory wanders toward the cubicles, still looking very lost.] RORY: Harry? [She waits and then, a little louder] Harry! [A man stands up.] HARRY: Who called Harry? RORY [waving]: I did! I called Harry! Hi! I'm Rory Gilmore. Um, I'm an intern, I have I.D., and - HARRY: Okay. This is basically the newsroom. Reporters, support staff over there, the composing room where we do paste-up. It's called paste-up because it used to be done with - RORY: Scissors and paste! HARRY: Right, but now we do it on a Mac. In that cabinet are all our back-issues. '95 to present are on CD-ROM, earlier on microfiche. If you use the microreader, make sure you turn it off, because the bulb is too hot and melts the stuff. RORY [digging in her pockets]: Boy, I sure wish I had a pencil. HARRY: This is Tom Firth's desk. He writes Firth Things First on the op-ed. That's Ed Rose, circulation, advertising. In case of fire, stairs are that way. This is the kitchen. Coffee, stale donuts. If you finish a pot, you make a new one. MAN [calls from OS]: Harry! HARRY: Be right back. [Rory is impressed by the coffee room. She pours herself a cup, takes out her camera phone and poses by the water cooler to take a photo of herself. She hears a commotion outside the door.] WOMAN: Is he here yet? MAN: Huntzberger's here. [The staff huddle around nervously.] HARRY: Huntzberger's here. RORY: Where? HARRY: He's one of those guys there. RORY: Yeah, in the middle. Striped tie. HARRY: You know Huntzberger? RORY: Yes. HARRY: Really? What's he like? RORY: Um, Episcopalian. Second of four children, oldest boy. And um, hates peas. [A man, assumed to be the previous manager of the newspaper, is giving Mitchum a tour.] MANAGER: This is Stan Mercer, circulation. Les Cavanaugh, city beat. Stephanie Fitz-Simmons, photo editor. And this is Patel [pause] Kandrasaskar. He's our resident computer whiz. MITCHUM: Okay. Lot of people, lot of names, and I promise I'll learn some of them. [The staff laughs politely.] We'll talk more about this at the general meeting, but I want you people to understand that the Huntzberger Publishing Group isn't going to change what you do. We're going to help you do what you do better. All right, I want to get all the department heads gathered in the conference room in ten minutes. Someone make some coffee. Rory? RORY: Yes sir? MITCHUM: You ready to shadow me? RORY: Yes, sir! MITCHUM: Let's go. [They start walking down the hall. Rory stops to set down her coffee, turns around and they are gone. She turns to Harry.] RORY: Did you see where they went? [Harry shrugs. Rory looks upset and takes off down one of the halls.] DRAGONFLY INN - FRONT DESK [Lorelai is glaring at the phone. She finally picks it up and dials a number. After one ring, Emily picks up.] EMILY: Hello? [Lorelai opens her mouth, but no sound comes out.] EMILY: Hello? Who are you looking for? Did you dial the wrong number? You know, it's very rude to dial someone and then just sit there on the phone without so much as a grunt or a moan. [Lorelai opens her mouth to speak again.] EMILY: I mean, as far as perverted phone calls go, this is a very poor one. LORELAI [sighs]: Mom, hello. EMILY: Lorelai? Is Rory okay? LORELAI: Yeah, Rory's fine. EMILY: Did somebody die? Who died? LORELAI: Nobody died, Mom. Everyone we know is fine. EMILY: Then why are you calling? LORELAI: Well, I was wondering - EMILY: Yes. LORELAI: I just wanted to give you a heads up that I was thinking I might come to Friday night dinner. [Pause.] Mom, hello? EMILY: When? LORELAI: Um, Friday night? EMILY: This Friday night? LORELAI: Yes. EMILY: The night that Logan Huntzberger is coming to dinner. LORELAI: I guess. Sure. EMILY: Well, that's quite a coincidence, isn't it? That Logan's coming to dinner the night that you're suddenly free. LORELAI: Well, I guess so. EMILY: Do you really think that it's going to work this way? LORELAI: What way? EMILY: That you just check the itinerary and pick which Friday night dinners you'll deign to come to, and which ones you won't? LORELAI: I am not picking. It just happened that this Friday I - EMILY: Did you wait 'till we have a guest like the Pope for dinner and then say, oh, yes, well, now it's worth my while to have dinner with my family, I get to meet the Pope. LORELAI: You're Protestant, Mom. EMILY: You do not get to cherry-pick which Friday night dinners you attend. It does not work that way. It's never worked that way. LORELAI: I wasn't cherry-picking. EMILY: If you come to this dinner, you come to them all. That's the deal. LORELAI: Well, I'm really not sure that I'm free every Friday night from now through eternity. EMILY: If you come to this dinner then you come to them all. That's the deal. LORELAI: As I said before, I'm just not sure about my schedule - EMILY: Well, I'll tell you what. You go check that schedule of yours. If you show up on Friday night, the night that Logan Huntzberger happens to be here, then I'll assume that you've discovered that your Fridays, at least for the foreseeable future, are free. Good-bye. [She hangs up the phone.] STAMFORD EAGLE GAZETTE [Mitchum and his colleagues are walking through the building, talking business. Rory is struggling to keep up.] MITCHUM: I'm saying it's these little costs that's having you drop your hard correspondents. How much are you paying for syndicated features? You run Dear Abby, and Ann Landers, and Ask Vicky. How many different ways do the people in this community need to hear 'honey, he ain't going to change, dump his ass.'? [Rory, several paces behind the group, takes off her heeled shoes and jogs a little bit to catch up.] MANAGER: I'd like to get that physical plant tour in before five. MITCHUM: Well, if we're in a holding pattern, why don't you start getting into those circulation issues? [The other men leave Mitchum alone with Rory. He is reading a file.] RORY: Wow. The ability to run a four minute mile would come in pretty handy right about now, huh? MITCHUM: Sorry? RORY: A four minute mile? MITCHUM [looks up, confused]: I don't follow. RORY: At Yale. Uh, track and field. You ran a four minute mile. MITCHUM: Oh. Right. RORY: That's fast. Four minute mile, whoosh! MANAGER [emerging from the conference room]: Dan's going to need another ten. Why don't I take you into Ron Stone's, we'll talk some advertising. MITCHUM: Let's do it. [They walk into a nearby office. Rory sighs and starts to follow. The door is shut in her face. She is unsure of whether to open the door or not. Harry walks by.] HARRY: If you're looking for Huntzberger, he went in there. [He points at the door.] RORY [sarcastic]: Oh, thanks. [She hesitates on opening the door again, but decides not to. She walks into a nearby cubicle and picks up the phone. Scene cuts to Logan, working on his laptop.] LOGAN: Hello? RORY: Help, help, help! LOGAN: What's the matter, Ace? RORY: Nothing! I've just won the Spaz of the Year award. I believe it'll be on the front page of the Gazette tomorrow. LOGAN: Oh, I'm sure it's not that bad. RORY: I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know where anybody is. I can't walk in these shoes. I got a run in my pantyhose. I ran into a file cabinet. LOGAN: Slow down! RORY: I didn't even know if I was supposed to go to lunch when everybody went to lunch, so I just stood in the break room for, like, forty-five minutes! And then I ate an Altoid. LOGAN: It's the first day. It'll get better. RORY: Your father must think I'm an idiot. LOGAN: I'm sure he doesn't. RORY: I need some help. I need something to say to him other than, 'yes, the bleeding stopped, thanks'. LOGAN: Hey, I think that's pretty good. RORY: Logan, please. Give me something. Something I can use to connect with him. LOGAN: I don't know! RORY: You do know. This is important to me, Logan. Please? LOGAN [sighs]: He likes jazz, but not when it gets too experimental, and he hates when they quote My Favorite Things. RORY: What? LOGAN: My Favorite Things, from the Sound of Music. RORY [writing on a notepad]: Okay. Good. Go on. LOGAN: Uh, he lets people go at seven, but he keeps going 'till eight thirty or nine, and he notices the people who stay. He hates double talk, but he's really good at it. And, uh, he has high blood pressure so he switches to decaf after four. RORY: That's good. That's almost something. LOGAN: Don't worry, Ace, I'm sure you're doing fine. RORY: I just don't want your father to be disappointed in me. LOGAN: Rory, in order for my dad to be truly disappointed in you, your name would have to be Logan. RORY: I'm sure that's not true. LOGAN: Uh-huh. RORY: Thanks, Logan. LOGAN: Go get 'em, Ace. [She hangs up and adds to her notes.] LUKE'S APARTMENT [Luke serves Lorelai a plate of food.] LORELAI: Oh my God, this smells good. What is this? LUKE: It's nothing. Just some soft-shelled crab amandine on a bed of wild rice. LORELAI: Okay. There is no sentence in the English language that begins with 'it's nothing' and contains the word amandine. Happy. [Her cell phone rings.] Oh, my God, your girlfriend is so important. [She answers it.] Hello? RICHARD: Lorelai. LORELAI: Hey, Dad. RICHARD: Something very remarkable happened today. I got a call from someone wanting to know if I was Lorelai Gilmore's father. LORELAI: Really? RICHARD: Outside the context of trouble at school, that's the first time anyone's ever asked me that. LORELAI: And why did someone ask you that? RICHARD: Well, one of our clients is the Durham Group. Do you know them? LORELAI: They, um, own hotels? RICHARD: They own boutique inns. The CEO, Mike Armstrong, is good friends with Twee Silverman, who is the publisher of American Travel. It seems there's quite an article coming out about you and Sookie and your success at the Dragonfly. According to Twee, it's the cover story of the May issue. LORELAI [troubled, to Luke]: The article's coming out! Uh, Dad, did your guy happen to talk about what's in the article? RICHARD: I don't think he read it. Twee clued him in because she knows he's always looking for up-and-comers. Apparently, you are an up-and-comer. LORELAI [to Luke]: I'm an up-and-comer! RICHARD: Long story short, Lorelai, Mike Armstrong would like to take a meeting with you. LORELAI: Why? RICHARD: Well, he's in the inn business. I assume he wants to offer you some sort of job. LORELAI: Dad, I have a job. Apparently you can read all about it in May. RICHARD: He asked if you traveled much. LORELAI: He wants to know where I go on vacation? RICHARD: Well, he was referring to business travel. Perhaps the position involves travel. Do you travel? I wasn't really sure. LORELAI: Well, the liquor store is a little further out than I'd like, but - RICHARD: Lorelai. LORELAI: Yeah, Dad. I travel. Sometimes. RICHARD: Well, good! I'll have my secretary fax the contact information to your home fax tonight and you can call him in the morning. LORELAI: Dad, I don't have a home fax. RICHARD: I don't see how you can do business on this level and not have a home fax. LORELAI: Yeah, we're all confounded by that, yes. RICHARD: Call my office in the morning. I'm quite proud of you, Lorelai. LORELAI: Thanks, Dad. [She flips her phone shut.] LORELAI: They're running the article! LUKE: Good, I'm glad that they're running the article. I never liked that you pulled it. LORELAI: Yes, well, if you recall, I pulled it only after I suggested my mother might have been personally responsible for global warming! LUKE: Are you seriously worried that things might get worse between you and your mother? LORELAI: Good point. LUKE: So what's all this stuff about you traveling? LORELAI: Oh, some guy my dad knows wants to offer me a job and apparently there's travel involved. LUKE: You have a job. LORELAI: I know, but companies like this would probably want to buy the inn and, I don't know, keep me on to manage it, or send me out as a consultant. LUKE: Buy the inn, you just opened the inn! LORELAI: I know. LUKE: You don't want to sell the inn! LORELAI: I know! LUKE: I mean, who are these people, coming in from out of the blue with this stuff? LORELAI: I don't know. It's just some guy who called my dad and wants to meet me. LUKE: Well, this is crazy. You don't want to meet with this guy. LORELAI: Luke, I'm not interested, so it doesn't matter. I have no intention of meeting with this guy. I'm happy with what I've got. LUKE: Good. [There is silence for a moment. Luke appears to be thinking.] LUKE: You know what? You should meet with this guy. LORELAI: My daughter, my sister, my daughter, my sister, my daughter - LUKE: I'm serious. Even if you're not interested, I mean, it's good people are talking about you and your business. I mean, just take the meeting. It's - it's contacts. It's networking. Right? That's the right word, networking? LORELAI: I think. LUKE: Well, then you should network. LORELAI: All right. Well, I'll think about it. LUKE: Good, good. LORELAI [pointing at the food]: Good. [Luke smiles.] ELDER GILMORE'S HOUSE [The maid, Beatrice, is setting the table. Emily enters.] EMILY: Beatrice. BEATRICE: Yes, ma'am. EMILY: Do you know what these are? BEATRICE: Lilies. EMILY: Fragrant lilies. Would you like to eat dinner with fragrant lilies in the room? BEATRICE: Yes. EMILY: Well, then you're insane! I don't know how you think my guests are supposed to enjoy their dinner with this floral reek wafting up their noses! Move them to the living room and bring the peonies in here. BEATRICE: Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am. [She carries the flowers away. Richard enters.] RICHARD: Everything looks lovely. EMILY: Does it? RICHARD: Yes, and so do you. What's on the dinner menu tonight? EMILY [straightening his bow tie]: Roast beef. Oh, I hope Logan's not some kind of vegetarian. RICHARD: Well, his grandfather owned ten thousand head of cattle. I sincerely doubt it. You know, I've just been thinking. The Huntzbergers will all be transferring down to Martha's Vineyard soon. EMILY: Mid-June, every year. I'm sure Logan's there for some of that. RICHARD: They have six acres there. It's quite a spread. EMILY: They've held their share of functions down there, too. Graduations, parties, weddings. RICHARD: Maybe it's time for us, Emily. EMILY: Time for what? RICHARD: Time to acquire an acreage. A compound for the extended family. EMILY: A place on Cape Cod! RICHARD: Our own Kennebunkport. Get it all ready for the next generation. EMILY: The Cape's as good as the Vineyard for a wedding. RICHARD: Or some would say better. EMILY: Sandier beaches, too. Children love sandy beaches. Just love running and playing on them. [The doorbell rings.] RICHARD: Oh, damn. I forgot to fill the ice bucket. EMILY: Go get, it. I'll get the door. [They turn to go. Emily turns back.] EMILY: Richard! Picture his blond hair and her blue eyes on a little baby! RICHARD: Incomparable! [Emily answers the door. It is Lorelai. Emily is visibly disappointed.] LORELAI: Hi, Mom. EMILY: Oh. Come in. LORELAI: Thanks. [She takes off her coat.] EMILY [walking away, she calls out]: Beatrice, take my daughter's coat! [Beatrice does.] LORELAI [awkwardly]: Thank you. [She follows Emily into the dining room.] EMILY: What are you doing here? LORELAI: I don't know, I just followed you. EMILY: Richard, come out here and sit with Lorelai. RICHARD [OS]: Coming! LORELAI: Mom, it's okay. I can sit by myself. RICHARD [enters with the ice bucket]: You need me to sit with Lorelai? LORELAI: I'm fine. I swear. I have been sitting without any help since I was two and a half. RICHARD: No, that's all right. I don't mind. Come along. [They enter the living room.] RICHARD: Please, sit. Sit. LORELAI: There's a lot of pressure to do it right now. RICHARD: So, did you ring Mike Armstrong? LORELAI: I did. We have a meeting set up for tomorrow. RICHARD: Oh, good. Good, I'm glad. Mike is very big in that business. I think you'll find him a valuable - EMILY [OS]: Richard! I need help in here! RICHARD: I'm sitting with Lorelai, Emily! LORELAI: Dad, really. It's okay. I promise not to stick my finger in any sockets. RICHARD: Well, all right. [To Emily] Here I come. What sort of help do you need, my dear? [Lorelai sighs, alone in the living room.] ELDER GILMORE HOUSE - OUTSIDE [Logan and Rory get out of his car. Logan rushes around to open her car door, but she beats him to it.] RORY: You know, you're not obligated to be polite until we're actually inside my grandparents' house. LOGAN: Good. Allow me to use these brief moments of time to make disgusting noises with my armpits. RORY: Oh, would you? So, this is going to be quick and painless. Believe me, my grandparents like you better than they liked Ronald Reagan. LOGAN: Wow. High praise. [He takes two gift wrapped boxes out of the back seat.] RORY: What are those? LOGAN: Hostess gifts. Never a bad idea to bring hostess gifts. RORY: Well played, Huntzberger! LOGAN: So what about your mom? She going to be cool? RORY: Of course she'll be cool. She's the essence of cool. Cool's her street name. She's got it monogrammed on her towels and everything. LOGAN: Well, if she's got it monogrammed on her towels, there's nothing to worry about. [Rory rings the doorbell.] RORY: What'd you bring, anyway? LOGAN: Cigars for Richard, chocolates for Emily, and Mrs. Eleanor Shubick's silver lighter. RORY: Huh? What's that for? [Emily and Richard answer the door.] EMILY: Rory! Logan, welcome! RICHARD: Come in, come in! RORY: Hi, Grandma! EMILY: Hello! And our guest of honor. RICHARD: L'invit d'honneur. LOGAN: How are you, Richard? Emily? EMILY: Wonderful, now. RICHARD: Yes, wonderful. EMILY: Oh, look at you two, you're just perfect. Aren't they perfect, Richard? RICHARD: Perfect. RORY: We're not perfect. EMILY: Nonsense, you're perfect! LOGAN: No, she's right. I've got split ends like you wouldn't believe. [Emily and Richard laugh.] RICHARD: And a sense of humor. LOGAN: Emily, these are for you. A small token of my gratitude. EMILY: Vunderschen chocolates, I absolutely adore these! LOGAN: I picked them up last time I was in Switzerland. EMILY: Well, aren't you clever. LOGAN: And here's a little something for you, sir. RICHARD: Oh, Romeo y Julietas. You are a good man, Logan Huntzberger! EMILY: Come on, let's all go in the living room, shall we? [Emily takes Logan's arm, and Richard takes Rory's. They enter the living room.] EMILY: I just adore this jacket you're wearing. Isn't this a fine jacket, Richard? RICHARD: Oh, I like how the lapels are cut. Aren't those nice lapels, Rory? RORY: Uh, sure, Grandpa. His lapels look great. RICHARD: Most modern tailors cut lapels too low. It's so sloppy, having one's lapels hang down around the chest like a basset hound's ears or something. EMILY: But those are excellent. RICHARD: Oh, they really are. RORY [notices Lorelai]: Hi, Mom. LORELAI: Hey, how am I sitting? RORY: Great. Mom, you remember - EMILY: Logan, this is Rory's mother, Lorelai. Lorelai, this is Logan Huntzberger. LORELAI: Yes, we've met, actually. Nice to see you again, Logan. LOGAN: Nice to see you. EMILY: Come on, sit, sit, sit. Let's get drink orders. RICHARD: Mm. EMILY: Logan, what will you have? LOGAN: McKellen neat, if you have it. EMILY: Oh, I adore a man who drinks his scotch neat. RICHARD: That is a fine drink indeed. EMILY: Rory? RORY: Just club soda. EMILY: So demure. Isn't she demure? LOGAN: The demurest. RICHARD: One club soda. EMILY: And your usual, Lorelai? A sidecar? LORELAI: Sidecar? No. EMILY: Isn't that your drink? LORELAI: No, my drink is a martini. It's always been a martini. EMILY: Really? LORELAI: Yes. Pretty much every one of the other eight thousand times I've had a drink here it's been a martini. EMILY: I would've sworn you were a sidecar girl. LORELAI: Not even sure what's in a sidecar, Mom. EMILY: Well, Richard, apparently Lorelai would like a martini. RICHARD: Can do. EMILY: I just can't get over those lapels. RORY: Grandma and Grandpa are very taken with Logan's lapels. LORELAI: They look fine to me. EMILY: You'll have to excuse Lorelai, Logan. It takes a certain eye to be aware of this kind of thing. RICHARD: One scotch neat, and a club soda. LOGAN: Thank you. RORY: Thanks, Grandpa. RICHARD: And one martini. [He returns to the bar to make it.] EMILY: That's with a twist, Lorelai? LORELAI: Nope. An olive. EMILY: In a vodka martini? LORELAI: Not vodka, Mom. Gin. It's always been gin. Gin martini. EMILY: Really? LORELAI: Yes! Always! EMILY: I don't remember that at all. LORELAI: Uh, so. Logan. Where exactly do you live at Yale? Are you in Rory's building? LOGAN: No, I'm at Berkeley. LORELAI: Is that far from Rory? LOGAN: No, I'd say it's about ninety Kropogs or so. RICHARD: Kropogs! Did somebody say Kropogs? EMILY [laughing]: Kropogs. Now that is clever. [Everyone laughs.] LORELAI: Uh, fill me in here. What's a Kropog? LOGAN: Years ago, someone at Yale started measuring things based on the height of a kid named Kropog. RICHARD [sitting down]: I can't believe that today's Elis are still using Kropogs. Now that is really something. Maxwell T. Kropog was his name, class of forty-four. Oh, Lorelai, I'm sorry. I forgot your drink. I made it and everything. LORELAI: Well, you remembered now. [Richard starts to get up.] EMILY: No, Richard, stay, I'll get it. RICHARD: I'm glad to hear that Kropog is still part of the Yale vernacular. Tradition is so important. RORY: Why don't we talk about something other than Yale? EMILY: Nonsense, there's nothing better to talk about than Yale. Because Yale men are the greatest. I dated a few Princeton men and a Harvard man back in my day, and they had nothing on Yale men. RICHARD: They'd better not. EMILY [handing Lorelai her drink]: Here you go, Lorelai. [Lorelai takes the martini, looks at it, and looks back at Emily.] LORELAI: Mom, there's an onion in here. EMILY: Is that not what you wanted? LORELAI: Olive. I said olive. EMILY: Well, I heard onion. LORELAI: Well, I said olive. EMILY [glances at Logan and gets up]: Let me get you an olive. LATER [Lorelai sadly holds her empty martini glass.] EMILY: And the racquets have changed too. Honestly, the people at the club must have thought I was there to play badminton when I showed up with my old wooden thing. LOGAN: Oh, you have to get a new racquet, Emily. The materials available today make all the difference. RICHARD: I told her the same thing. LOGAN: I know this guy, he's one of the top manufacturers of ceramic racquets. Pete Sampras loves them. I could totally set you up. EMILY: Did you hear that, Richard? Logan can set me up! RICHARD: Well, how about that! BEATRICE [entering]: Dinner is ready, Mrs. Gilmore. RICHARD: Well, shall we? EMILY: I'm just going to pop into the kitchen to check on a thing or two. Richard, will you come carve the roast? RICHARD: Certainly. LORELAI: Is there going to be alcohol with dinner, Mom? EMILY: What? LORELAI: You know, booze? 'Cause I haven't been able to get even a Kropog of gin since that first drink. RICHARD: A Kropog is a unit of distance, Lorelai. Not volume. EMILY: And there'll be wine with the meal. There's always wine with the meal, Lorelai! Honestly! You're acting as if you've never been here. [Emily and Richard walk out.] LORELAI: Sorry. Just wasn't sure. [Rory, Logan and Lorelai stare awkwardly at the table.] LOGAN: Roast. Sounds good. RORY: It does. LORELAI: Yeah. Who doesn't like a good roast? [They get up to go into the dining room. Lorelai goes ahead, but is still within earshot. Logan holds Rory back.] RORY: What are you doing? LOGAN: A little Life and Death Brigade business. Every time we're in a rich person's house we take a knick-knack. Then I leave the knick-knack I took from the last rich person's house. I've been doing this up and down the eastern seaboard for years. [He picks up a small box from a table, replaces it with the lighter from his pocket, and takes the box. Lorelai sees this, and disapproves, but goes into the living room without saying anything.] RORY: Logan, no. LOGAN: Trust me. They never notice. RORY [smiling]: You're crazy! LOGAN: It's fun to be crazy. [They join Lorelai in the dining room.] RORY [referring to the chairs on the side of the table]: Grandma probably wants us here. EMILY [entering]: All right, the salads will be out in just a moment. Everybody, sit. [Emily walks around the table, then stops, staring at the living room.] EMILY: Wait a minute. RICHARD: What's wrong, Emily? EMILY [walking into the living room]: Well, I don't know. Wait. My antique sewing box! It's missing! RICHARD: Well, that can't be. EMILY: It is! It's gone! Was it here during drinks? RICHARD: Well, I can't say that I noticed. [Beatrice approaches.] EMILY: You, hovering there! What do you know about this? BEATRICE: Ma'am? EMILY: My antique sewing box. Did you move it somewhere? BEATRICE: No. EMILY: And yet it's not here. Do you have any explanation as to why it's not here, Beatrice? LORELAI [from the table]: I'm sure it's just a mix-up, Mom. EMILY: And - what's this? What's this lighter? Richard, is this from the pool house? [Lorelai glares across the table at Logan.] RICHARD: Well, I don't recognize it, but, well, you never know. One of the guys might have left it after a poker game. EMILY: Well, Beatrice. I don't know what to say. I almost feel like I should go through the whole house and make sure nothing else has been misplaced. LORELAI: Mom, I found it. EMILY [not hearing her]: However, we have company and I don't want to be rude. [Lorelai holds out her hand to Logan. He hesitates, and then gives her the box.] EMILY: Let's just leave it for later and then you and I will have a very serious discussion. LORELAI: Mom, I found it! EMILY: What? LORELAI: Yeah, here it is. EMILY: Really? Where was it? LORELAI: Behind the centerpiece. I guess the flowers kind of hid it. EMILY: Behind the centerpiece? [Beatrice sees the box, and smiles.] EMILY: What on earth are you smiling about? BEATRICE: I'm just glad you found it. EMILY: Would you please go into the kitchen and bring out the salad course? [Beatrice leaves. Emily sits down.] Rory, Logan, I'm so sorry. RICHARD: Well, never a dull moment, as we say. EMILY: Ah, here we are. Avocado salad with beet dressing. [Beatrice serves the salad.] RICHARD: Oh, wonderful. I'm starving. [Lorelai, Logan and Rory exchange looks. Rory looks ashamed, Lorelai looks angry and Logan looks defiant.] [SCENE_BREAK] LATER [Dessert and coffee time.] LOGAN: Believe me, Rory's the real star at the Yale Daily News. People hate her. EMILY: They hate you? RORY: I'm not hated. Am I hated? LOGAN: She's had more pieces printed above the fold this year than anyone. RICHARD: Well, you are both enormously talented. Because if you have one tenth of your father's ability, young man, you are going to go straight to the top. EMILY: A power couple. That's what you are. RICHARD: We were thrilled to hear that Rory is going to be working with your father, Logan. RORY: I'm not really working with him. Just near him, more like. LOGAN: She's knocking them dead over there. Now if I can just get her to relax. RORY: I relax. EMILY: Speaking of relaxation, does your family still have their place on Martha's Vineyard? LOGAN: I think they bought it from Martha. They're not giving that up. It's not going anywhere. EMILY: It's lovely in the vineyard. A few years ago, Richard and I attended a wedding there. I thought there could be no more gorgeous a spot for a wedding. LOGAN: It's beautiful. EMILY: But then we went to one on Cape Cod and it was wonderful too. Either place would be good for a wedding, don't you think? [Lorelai glares.] LOGAN: Sure, I've been to weddings at the Cape myself. EMILY: So you like Cape Cod? LOGAN: Yes. EMILY: We like Cape Cod. RICHARD [nodding]: Mm. LOGAN: Great. EMILY: And I know Rory would like Cape Cod. RORY: I like what I've seen in pictures. EMILY: You two would look awfully cute in Cape Cod. [Logan grins.] LORELAI: Mom, did you get a job at the Cape Cod chamber of commerce? EMILY: No. [To Logan] There are a lot of kids in your family, aren't there? LOGAN: Yeah. The extended family's been pretty busy procreating lately. RICHARD: They have, have they? EMILY: Do you like kids? LOGAN: Sure. EMILY: Kids love Cape Cod. LORELAI: I think internships are a Communist plot. RICHARD: What? LORELAI: Forcing someone to work without pay? It's a little Pinko, isn't it? I mean, where's Roy Cohn when you need him? EMILY: Have you lost your mind? LORELAI [shaking her head around]: No, no. It's still sloshing around up there. EMILY: Would you like another apple, Rory? RORY: Oh, no thanks. They were really good, though. EMILY: How about you, Logan? Apple? LOGAN: Thank you, but I don't think I could eat another thing, and unfortunately we should be going. I have an early day tomorrow. EMILY: Oh, Logan, an early day. I'm so sorry we kept you. LOGAN: I wish I could stay longer. EMILY: An early day is an early day. Beatrice, get their coats. [Everyone gets up.] LOGAN: I had a wonderful time. Thank you so much. RORY: Yes, thank you, Grandma and Grandpa. It was great. EMILY: Of course. We had a wonderful time too. RORY [hugs Lorelai]: Bye, Mom. LORELAI: Bye, hon. Goodnight, Logan. [They shake hands.] LOGAN: Nice to see you again. LORELAI: Nice seeing you again, too. I hope we can all do this - EMILY: Lorelai, don't keep them. Logan has an early day tomorrow. LORELAI: Sorry. [Emily and Richard walk Rory and Logan to the door. Lorelai stays in the dining room. She sits at the table and leans her head in her hands.] EMILY [OS]: Now, I'm going to hold you to your promise about that tennis racquet. LOGAN [OS]: Oh, absolutely. I'll call you this week, or maybe I'll just shoot you an e-mail. EMILY [OS]: Shoot me an e-mail. That is so clever. RICHARD [OS]: That's good business sense, too. You have to utilize the latest technology or you'll fall behind. [The door opens.] EMILY [OS]: Now, would you look at that! What a cunning little car! I adore sports coupes. RICHARD [OS]: Fine parking job, too. [Lorelai rolls her eyes.] RORY [OS]: Well, good bye, Grandma and Grandpa. LOGAN [OS]: Thanks again. EMILY [OS]: Good night, you two. Drive safe! [They return to the dining room.] EMILY: More coffee, Lorelai? LORELAI: No. Thank you. [Emily and Richard sit down. Lorelai looks at Emily.] EMILY: What? LORELAI: Um, nothing. Just on those National Geographic shows, people are so sweaty after a mating ritual. But you two are powder dry. EMILY: What on earth are you talking about? LORELAI: They're just kids, and they're still figuring things out, and they don't need you two dropping all these heavy-handed hints about weddings and babies and Cape Cod. EMILY: You should be thrilled by this match, Lorelai. LORELAI: Well, who says I'm not thrilled? RICHARD: Well, you're not acting very thrilled. LORELAI: I'm annoyed at you. That's why. Putting all this pressure on them? They are in their early twenties, for God's sake. EMILY: You are letting your own personal tastes cloud your judgment of this boy. He is perfect for Rory, and you don't see it! LORELAI: This is not about my personal taste! EMILY: You're uncomfortable around people like Logan. He's not your type. That's well documented. LORELAI: Oh, that was a nice not-so-subtle dig at Luke. EMILY: Luke? RICHARD: Who said anything about Luke? EMILY: You're very sensitive tonight. LORELAI: I'm not sensitive. It's just you're busy marrying Rory off into a family that wasn't even nice to her! RICHARD: Who wasn't nice to her? LORELAI: The Huntzbergers. She went over there for dinner and they treated her like trash. RICHARD: I highly doubt that. LORELAI: Well, they did! RICHARD: If the Huntzbergers were so horrible to Rory, why on earth did Mitchum give her a very valuable internship? LORELAI: He was buying her off. RICHARD: So, the internship was like hush money? LORELAI: Yes! RICHARD: There's no money! It's an unpaid position! LORELAI: It's a figure of speech. RICHARD: Rory got this internship by making a contact. In a way, similar to me setting you up with Mike Armstrong. Is there something wrong with that? LORELAI: No. RICHARD: I concur. LORELAI: There is still something wrong with this internship. EMILY: My God, you're paranoid. LORELAI: I am not paranoid! And Logan did not have an early day! EMILY: What? LORELAI: What twenty-two year old has an early day on a Saturday? EMILY: Why are you so hell-bent on derailing this match? RICHARD: They're perfect for each other! LORELAI: Okay, that word, perfect, he is not. I mean, no one is, okay, but especially him! I mean, at your wedding, I caught him and Rory in the back room [she hesitates] uh, kissing. [Emily and Richard do not look concerned.] LORELAI [with emphasis]: Kissing. RICHARD: You have something against kissing? EMILY: I never thought of you as a prude. RICHARD: Paranoid, not a prude. LORELAI: He stole your sewing box. EMILY: The sewing box is sitting on the table in the living room, Lorelai. LORELAI: No, no. He's just a - RICHARD: Are we done here? LORELAI: No! RICHARD: Good. I have a call to make. You might want that cup of coffee. Clear your head a bit before you drive home. [He leaves the table.] EMILY: Or maybe you've just had one too many sidecars. [She leaves.] STAMFORD EAGLE GAZETTE [Rory waits by the elevator. It opens. Rory walks confidently along with Mitchum and the manager MANAGER: So it's not necessarily a diminishment of personnel. MITCHUM: No, that's the advantage of using crewed reporting through the whole syndicate. By sharing the resources, you're going to have more options. With more options, you're going to be less reliant on the wire services. People will only read so many flatly written wire stories before they catch on and start reading something else, or worse, turn on the T.V. RORY [holds out a cup]: Coffee? MITCHUM [glances at his watch]: Uh - RORY: It's decaf. MITCHUM: Oh. Well, thank you. [He takes a sip.] It's good. All right, let's take a look at that editorial budget. [The group walks into a meeting room. Rory stands outside.] MITCHUM [OS]: What are you waiting for, Gilmore, an engraved invitation? [Rory smiles and enters the meeting.] SOOKIE'S HOUSE [Lorelai and Sookie are sampling Manny's cooking. They each take a bite.] SOOKIE: Good! LORELAI: Very good! SOOKIE: I'd say it's a nine. LORELAI: Nine plus. SOOKIE: What would make it a ten? LORELAI: Another half a point. SOOKIE [giggles]: Lemon juice and a handful of parsley. LORELAI: Yes. A tart fresh taste. SOOKIE [calls into the kitchen]: Manny, try a little lemon juice and parsley! MANNY: Okay! LORELAI: How long are you going to have him working here? SOOKIE: Well, with that fancy pants article coming out about us, I want to make sure that the food stays top-notch. LORELAI: You know, Mike Armstrong called again. SOOKIE: Really? That's the second time since the meeting, isn't it? LORELAI: Yeah. He's, like, open to any option. Buying the inn, or just investing in the inn - SOOKIE: We'd have money again. Remember what it was like to have money? LORELAI: He'd be keeping us on to run it. We could consult. We could travelaround the world telling other people how to run their inns - SOOKIE: We could be bossy. Oh, we could travel and be bossy! LORELAI: He mentioned the south of France. Apparently they're making a huge investment there and they have a need for people like us. SOOKIE: I can picture us in the south of France, oh, topless! LORELAI: At work? SOOKIE: No. We're on the beach. LORELAI: Much more appropriate. SOOKIE: And the casinos, oh, and the cheese! LORELAI: You know, my dad traveled all over the world for work, which drove my mom crazy, which was a little perk. But he would always say things like 'I'll be back from D sseldorf on Friday'. And when I was a kid, I always wanted to say 'I'll be back from D sseldorf on Friday'! SOOKIE: Oh, that would be great. To get into all those famous kitchens I've always read about. LORELAI: We'd have expense accounts and travel luggage. It'd be exciting, huh? SOOKIE: Yeah, it would! [They smile at each other.] SOOKIE: But, I can't do that. I have Davey and little No-name here, and Jackson. Jackson wouldn't want to go topless in France. LORELAI: Yeah. SOOKIE: My life is here. LORELAI: Yeah, sure. SOOKIE: But you could go. LORELAI: What? SOOKIE: Your kid's in college. You're young. You love to travel. You look amazing topless. [She giggles.] You could go. I mean, what's stopping you? LORELAI: Well - SOOKIE: Oh! Snap peas! Snap peas would be good in this! [She squeals.] Manny, snap peas! MANNY [OS]: Snap peas. SOOKIE: Snap peas. Yeah. [Lorelai smiles.] __________________END______________________

Rory starts her internship. Due to low attendance and much to Luke's delight, Taylor decides to close down the museum and sell the house. Richard and Emily invite Logan to dinner, and Lorelai begs to attend. Lorelai meets with an inn investor which could mean travel in her future.

fd_Veronica_Mars_01x02

fd_Veronica_Mars_01x02_0

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Veronica watching Duncan's table at school. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I used to sit there. The only reason I was allowed past the velvet ropes was Duncan Kane. He used to be my boyfriend. Flashback to a long haired Veronica and Duncan walking down the school hallway. Flashback to car wash. LILLY: I've got a secret, a good one. Flashback to the Kane residence the night of Lilly's murder. VERONICA: [Kneeling before Duncan] Duncan, what happened? Duncan is completely unresponsive. Veronica looks around and then back at Duncan. VERONICA: Where's Lilly? Veronica runs out to the pool and sees Lilly's body. Keith is there too. VERONICA VOICEOVER: But you already know how this part of the story ends. The murder of Lilly Kane. And that bungling local sheriff you heard about, was my dad. Cut to Veronica entering Mars Investigations. LAWYER VOICEOVER: Your dad's out tracking down bail jumpers half the time Cut to Veronica and the lawyer in the office. LAWYER: and yet somehow all the cases that come in here still get handled. How is that? Quick flashes of: Veronica on the phone, Veronica working the camcorder in her car, Veronica with a long lens camera in her car. Cut back to Veronica at the office. VERONICA: We're efficient. End Previously. Scene opens with a shot of the outside of the school, students fast forwarding, then settles inside where Veronica is opening her locker. WALLACE: Another big Friday night. You got plans? VERONICA: I don't know. I might take Backup for a run or rent a movie maybe. WALLACE: Congratulations. You're officially Neptune High's most boring person. VERONICA: Did I mention the movie might be PG-13? WALLACE: Ow! Jump back wild child. VERONICA: What about you Wallace? Your life still a non-stop Nelly video? WALLACE: Hey, at least I want my life to be a non-stop Nelly video. VERONICA: What do you propose? WALLACE: This. As Veronica finishes up at her locker, Wallace produces a pink sheet of paper with the word "Blowout" on it and a number of symbols. They carry on down the hall and outside. WALLACE: I found this on the floor in gym. VERONICA: You want to crash an 09er party? WALLACE: Maybe. I don't know what an 09er is. VERONICA: It's someone who lives in the prestigious 90909 zip code. WALLACE: Look. You can't even tell who's put on it. You don't know when it starts, where it is or nothing. VERONICA: That's 'cause it's all in code. The moon tells you it starts when it gets dark WALLACE: Ah. VERONICA: the hourglass indicates sand which means it's the beach, the Ks and the 9s tell you it's more specifically Dog Beach. WALLACE: And the little eggs? VERONICA: Friday. It's in code so undesirables, which by the way is you and me, don't show up. WALLACE: How do you know all this? VERONICA: 'Cause I used to be one of them. Cut to a night time beach party. Korn's cover of "Word Up" plays, drink flows and a bonfire burns. Duncan is in a car, surveying the party in the company of another boy. DUNCAN'S FRIEND: What do you say, dog? You ready to get this party started? You ready to burn this mother down. Up, jump the boogie. DUNCAN: [laughs] My plan? And I haven't worked this out entirely yet so bear with me, was to raise the roof. DUNCAN'S FRIEND: See that is so you man, Mr Old School. DUNCAN: Me Old School? You're the one who wanted to come down and get jiggy wid' it. DUNCAN'S FRIEND: Yeah. DUNCAN: So, uh, wanna go meet the locals or what? DUNCAN'S FRIEND: As long as they're humble, god-fearing, salt of the earth types. DUNCAN: Every last one. They head out of the car to hit the party. SONG: Everybody say When you hear the call you got to get it under way Word up (ahh ahh) It's the call, word No matter where you say it You know that you'll be heard Logan is already there with a vacuous blonde. LOGAN: Nah, I think you look great in pink. He spots them as they get to the bonfire. LOGAN: Yo, DK. SONG: Now while you suck DJs Who think you're blind Duncan joins Logan and the girl and he and Logan slap hands. LOGAN: Hey, who's your date, man. DUNCAN: Oh LOGAN'S GIRL: It's Troy Vandergraff. His father's the architect who built the County Museum. LOGAN: Oh. Well aren't you the little social columnist. DUNCAN: Troy, this is Logan. [Troy and Logan shake hands] I guess you already know Caitlin. TROY: Yeah, from the marina, right? CAITLIN: So aren't you supposed to be going back east for school? TROY: Change of plans. The parents decided they were going to be staying in So Cal so I am enrolling here on Monday. CAITLIN: Yay. LOGAN: Well, lucky us, huh? DUNCAN: So how's the party doing, man? A commotion starts up behind them and they turn to see Weevil, Felix and a couple of other bikes heading through the party towards the fire. Felix starts messing with some of the girls who are dancing. FELIX: Whoa, huh. Like this? Just like this. [As the girls push him away] What? Time for S'Mores? WEEVIL: [Drinking the party beer] This is the good stuff. Ymmm. [To Logan on his approach] Is this imported? LOGAN: This is a private party, man. WEEVIL: Oh, oh, is it? I-I-I'm sorry. I must have been confused. Hey, l-let me ask you something. Have I ever asked if you if I could come play through at Torrey Pines? Have you ever run into me surfing down at Cape Crescent? Bro'? Huh? Have you ever even once come home to find us throwing the kegger in your backyard? No? Then what the hell do you think you are doing on our beach? LOGAN: Am I supposed to apologise? Am I supposed to shake in my boots? WEEVIL: Maybe. LOGAN: Look around you, man. It ain't 15 on four tonight. [Turns] Hey Caitlin. Baby you've been to my house a bunch, right? CAITLIN: Yep LOGAN: It's nice, right? It's clean, well kept CAITLIN: Very LOGAN: Yeah. Do you wanna know why? It's because Weevil's grandma keeps it that way. [Party crowd woo-hoos] She-she is a good little worker, your grandma, yeah, spick and span. WEEVIL: Ummm. WEEVIL'S TALLER COMPANION: [Hard laugh] Yeah. It's a tough job, you know. Grandma says you go through a box of tissue a day. Your room alone. LOGAN: [Laughing] Well, what can I say? She's a very sexy lady. Thank you. The face-off is interrupted by the sound of the siren from the Sheriff's car. He broadcasts. SHERIFF LAMB: This is the Sheriff's Department. I want your ID's out. Everyone remain where you are. Everyone scatters. Lamb puts down the microphone. DEPUTY SACKS: We gonna go after them? SHERIFF LAMB: No. Let's get out, get the kegs. Tell the guys cook-out at my place tomorrow night. Cut to Weevil's. He and his relative (same grandmother) are playing an American football video game on the TV and two smaller children are running about. The little boy blocks Weevil's view, giving his cousin an advantage. WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: Yeah, uh-huh, yeah. [To one of the children blocking Weevil's view of the screen] Stay right there, stay right there. WEEVIL: Move your ass little man, come on. I'm losing. There's banging at the front door. SHERIFF LAMB: Sheriff's Department. Open up. WEEVIL'S GRANDMOTHER: What did you boys do? WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: Don't worry about it Grandma, we'll handle it, all right? WEEVIL'S GRANDMOTHER: Oh dear! She stands back as Weevil and his relative get the door. Sheriff Lamb is there with his deputy. WEEVIL: I guess you busted all those rich kids already, huh? SHERIFF LAMB: [To Deputy Sacks] Go in. [To Weevil and his relative] Boys. [Holding up the warrant so they and Mrs Navarro can see it] Letitia Navarro, I got a warrant for your arrest. You need to come with us. WEEVIL: Oh, come on. What's you problem, officer. If you want me, be a man about it, bro. WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: [Simultaneously with Weevil] You're crazy. Where you gonna take her, huh? [On his own] What are the charges? SHERIFF LAMB: Credit card fraud. Lamb walks out leaving the deputy to escort a stunned Mrs Navarro. MRS NAVARRO: [Breathlessly] Well, I Weevil follows Lamb outside. The others follow behind. WEEVIL: Credit ca-? She doesn't even have any credit cards, man! SHERIFF LAMB: Not in her own name, no. [Getting in Weevil's face] But somebody took credit card offers out of the Echolls family trash. They opened up accounts. They rang up charges. You heard anything about that? [To get Weevil's attention as he turned to look at his relative] Hey! Nah, I didn't think so. 'Cause it would take a major league loser to let a sweet old lady like that do his time for him. Lamb slaps the warrant onto Weevil's chest and turns to get into his vehicle. Weevil looks back at the children, watching from the top of the steps. WEEVIL: [To his relative] Get them inside, man. Cut to Veronica at her desk in the main office. The door to Keith's office is open and the lawyer is in with him. Veronica is listening. LAWYER: Listen to this list of charges to the card - half dozen video games, limo rides, Magic Mountain tickets, motorcycle gear. It goes on like that. I sincerely doubt my client, Mrs Navarro, suddenly decides to steal from the Echolls after ten years of loyal service just so she can get herself a new piercing from 'Puddy Tats'. KEITH: It's gotta be the kid, Eli Navarro. [To Veronica who has moved herself to the door jamb] What do they call him? VERONICA: Weevil. LAWYER: Oh, clearly it's Weevil. Lamb doesn't even believe it's Mrs Navarro but the PO Box where the merchandise was sent was in her name plus she was wearing a diamond pendant purchased with one of the phoney cards. VERONICA: Lamb could have set Weevil up, he hates him you know. KEITH: Honey, I started picking up Eli Navarro when he was 12. VERONICA: He just helped me out of a jam recently, that's all. LAWYER: Look, I'm sure he's a real mensch but I've got a grandma in jail and I'd really like to get her out. KEITH: We'll dive in, thanks Cliff [shaking hands as Cliff leaves] [To Veronica] Honey, he goes to your school. You mind taking point on this for a few days at least. I'm working on something. VERONICA: I'll see what I can find. Cut to Veronica pulling up at Weevil's house. It's night. As she voiceovers, she gets out of the car and walks over to examine Weevil's bike. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The trouble with befriending the leader of a motorcycle gang is that at the end of the day, he's still the leader of a motorcycle gang. And as much as I'd like to believe differently, I doubt it's his grandmother who's buying video games and paying for new motorcycle paint jobs. WEEVIL: [From offscreen as he exits the house] I've hospitalised people for less than what you're doing right now. VERONICA: What? Admiring your paint job? WEEVIL: No, what you're doing and admiring my paint job isn't it. VERONICA: I'm just following up on a few things for the lawyer who's representing your grandma. WEEVIL: Yeah, I met the guy. He says I should confess. VERONICA: Do you think you will? WEEVIL: I've got nothing to say to you, man. VERONICA: Weevil, your Grandma's in jail. WEEVIL: Oh, ar-are you reminding me 'cause I almost forgot. VERONICA: I'm just saying with your reputation, you can't blame McCormack for thinking that- WEEVIL: My reputation? Oh well then I guess what everybody says about you is true too, huh? That you, you like it a little freaky, don't you. That you spy on Duncan Kane. That you send him pictures of yourself. Be honest Veronica. You think you're this big outsider but, push comes to shove, you're still one of them. You still think like one of them. Take off. I don't want you around here. [Turns his back on her and walks back to the house.] Opening credits. Scene opens at a diner. Keith and Veronica are sitting in a booth. The counter is behind them and the entrance beyond that. Veronica has a cap on and is writing in a notebook. Keith is eating breakfast and looking at the paper. KEITH: Are you gonna wear that cap inside? At the table? VERONICA: Do you think I'm offending someone? [Looks around] In here? KEITH: Simple etiquette, that's all. Veronica ruefully removes her cap. Sheriff Lamb and Deputy Sacks enter the diner. Lamb spots and heads for the Mars' for some sport while the deputy stays up at the counter. SHERIFF LAMB: Well look who's here. Ahhhh, [sitting at their booth] if it isn't my predecessor and mentor. How's the dirty picture biz, boss? KEITH: [Looking at his newspaper] Looks like it's better than being Sheriff, actually. Yeah, you got a killer on the loose, Lamb. [Reads] In a daring daylight escape, Ray Lee Hampstead, denied bail earlier this week after his arrest for manslaughter, broke out the back windshield of a Balboa County's Sheriff's Department cruiser and fled on foot. SHERIFF LAMB: Meeks and Johnson lost him. I think those are two guys you hired. KEITH: [To Veronica] You hear that, honey? That's leadership. [To Lamb] Way to stand up on your own two feet, Lamb and say, hey, the buck stoooops there. SHERIFF LAMB: You know what's coming up October 3rd. Are you doing anything special to mark the one year anniversary of Lilly Kane's murder? Got it. Dress like a Sheriff and crucify some poor, grieving father, just for old time's sake, you know? KEITH: Tell me again how you solved the crime of the century. Now wait a minute, I remember, I remember. An anonymous tip leads you to the supposed killer's houseboat. Did anybody show up to collect the $100,000 reward for that information? Do'ya find that strange? SHERIFF LAMB: No. What about your theory? Jake Kane murders his own daughter. We've got an eyewitness and phone records that have him nowhere near the house. And all the Kanes in fact were accounted for at the time of the murder. [Keith smiles] Hmm, [bending his ear forward] what's that? Nothing to say to that, right? [To the deputy at the counter] Sacks, we got our order ready? [Leaves the table] KEITH: Good luck with that fugitive Don. VERONICA: Smell ya, later. KEITH: Smell ya later? VERONICA: [Packing up her books and recapping] I gotta run. The counsellor wants to see me before class. KEITH: About what? VERONICA: [Standing] Uh, my schedule and my attitude, not necessarily in that order. Her words. Veronica kisses her father and leaves. Cut to the school office as Veronica leaves the Counsellor's office and heads for the main counter. Troy Vandergraff is also waiting at the counter and checks her out. TROY: [In fake British accent] Giv'us a smile, luv. COUNSELLOR: [Offscreen] Troy Vandegraff. Troy smiles at a responsive Veronica and heads for the Counsellor's Office. Veronica collects a slip from the counter and turns to leave, running into Wallace on his way in. VERONICA: What are you doing in here? WALLACE: Oh hey. I signed up for diving but there were only like four people in class so they cancelled it, stuck me in here. So don't you mess with me, all right? I'm an Office Aide. VERONICA: That's great! WALLACE: Yeah, for who? VERONICA: For me. I need you to copy all of Weevil's attendance records from this past month and get them to me. WALLACE: Do I look like James Bond to you? VERONICA: Am I asking you to retrieve a nuclear warhead? No. Just copy the attendance records. It's cake. Facile. Wallace smiles as Veronica leaves. Cut to Veronica entering a classroom. There is a notice on the door: "Student Publications - Ms Dent". MS DENT: [To a student] why don't you bring the caption down. See how it works. STUDENT: OK MS DENT: [Seeing Veronica] Can I help you with something? VERONICA: Ah, yeah. The counsellor stuck me in here. [Hands a sheet to Ms Dent] She says I'm disconnected and passionless. CAITLIN: Miss Dent? MS DENT: Caitlin? CAITLIN: I'm gonna go down to the gym to talk to people for the student poll. MS DENT: Be back by the end of the period. And remember that we are a multicultural school with a diverse population of students from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds. CAITLIN: Meaning? MS DENT: Meaning don't just interview your friends. Caitlin rolls her eyes before departing. MS DENT: So Veronica, welcome to newspaper class. VERONICA: I was thinking maybe I could just take pictures? MS DENT: Well I'm not sure if you can just do that but we can start you there. Do you have any experience with a camera? VERONICA: Yeah. Some. MS DENT: This is a 35mm camera. Now my suggestion is you're starting out is just to set it on auto and that way you- VERONICA: I'd really be more comfortable if I could just use my own camera [pulling out a serious camera] Um, the swivel LCD really comes in handy when you're doing overhead shooting or ground level macro- shooting. MS DENT: [Bemused] Right. VERONICA: The optical zoom actually goes up to 71.2mm and it's good to have the raw file option because you can mess with the images post-exposure without nearly the loss of image quality you'd get with a JPEG file. MS DENT: And when it's dark outside, you should-you should use a flash. [Both laugh] I have your first assignment. Are you free after school tomorrow? VERONICA: I guess. MS DENT: We're doing a feature on Bodie Chang, you know him? VERONICA: Surfer. Up until 20 minutes ago, I was in study hall with him. MS DENT: That's the guy. So he's winning all these competitions. He's got another one up at Gold Coast. Let me introduce you to the guy who's doing the story. [Leaning over partition] Duncan Kane, this is Veronica. [Oblivious to the discomfort of both] Veronica's going to be taking pictures tomorrow and I arranged for you to ride with Bodie's parents. DUNCAN: I'll drive. MS DENT: Great, maybe Veronica can- VERONICA: I can drive too. MS DENT: OK. Oil crisis be damned. Veronica sees Wallace in the doorway. He has the attendance records. Cut to them at the table outside. Veronica is going through the records. VERONICA: Look at this. Half of these credit card purchases are online orders and the ones that were made on school days were made between 11am and 12pm. That's 4th period. WALLACE: Yeah, you realise don't you that this guy you're trying to help out, duct taped me butt naked to a flagpole just last week. VERONICA: Man, you really hold a grudge. WALLACE: Yeah, I'm funny that way. [Tetchy] Hey you're welcome for those records. VERONICA: Wallace, King Kong ain't got nothin' on you. WALLACE: How you know [laughing]. VERONICA: But think about this. How can a guy who according to these records was in autoshop seven of the eight days these purchases were made manage to make on-line orders. WALLACE: Aren't you supposed to be trying to prove he did it? So you can get his grandma out of jail. VERONICA: But it's impossible. There's no internet connection in autoshop. WALLACE: It can't be hard for him to just slip out of there. VERONICA: Seven times? Wallace sees the point. Cut to Veronica entering Mars Investigations. She can hear her father talking. KEITH: Yeah but his arraignment isn't until Monday. VERONICA: I don't think he did it. Keith and Cliff McCormack are standing by the main office desk as Veronica joins them. KEITH: Who didn't do what? VERONICA: Weevil. Listen, I was looking through the attendance records at school and I just don't think it's possible- KEITH: Veronica. VERONICA: Yeah? KEITH: Cliff's just got back from the courthouse. CLIFF (WAS LAWYER): They released Letty Navarro a couple of hours ago. VERONICA: That's great. CLIFF: They released her because Eli 'Weevil' Navarro came in and confessed to the crime. Cut to the school newspaper classroom. Veronica is sitting at a computer screen. Beyond her Logan is lounging back in his chair, talking to Caitlin. LOGAN: No seriously, how difficult is it to find good help these days. CAITLIN: What are you going to do about your housekeeper situation? LOGAN: We had to let her go. If you can't trust your domestics, you don't feel safe in your own home. CAITLIN: I won't miss her. She was totally rude to me every time I was over there. VERONICA: Did you guys know that 90% of all identity theft is committed by relatives of the victim? That's an interesting fact. At least I think so. CAITLIN: But you know what? No one cares what you think Veronica Mars. Not any more. Not since you stabbed all your friends in the back. VERONICA: You seem to care a bit what I think. LOGAN: Tell the truth Veronica. Did you just sign up for newspaper so you could be around Duncan. VERONICA: No. I'm here so I can be closer to you. In fact they're thinking of putting me in your 4th period government class. CAITLIN: We've got computer lab 4th period. VERONICA: Oh shoot. My loss. [She smiles to herself] Cut to the school lunch area. Veronica is looking through papers as Wallace comes to join her. WALLACE: What'cha got there, V? VERONICA: I printed out the entire browser history from Logan Echolls' computer in his 4th period computer lab class. WALLACE: So, is he guilty? VERONICA: Well of wanting desperately to see pictures of Alyssa Milano naked, yes. But of making bogus credit card charges, I don't think so. Wait, the Neptune Grand. Logan visited the Neptune Grand Hotel website. He didn't make reservations online but WALLACE: But VERONICA: But there's a charge on the credit card for the honeymoon suite. Cut to the school parking lot. The music is "Hi Lo" by Hometown Hero. Veronica notices a flat tyre. Logan rolls his apple on the boot lid and pauses before walking on. LOGAN: Bummer. SONG: Aren't I looking good Don't you think it's funny This is how You'll make all your money [Not dechipherd] Come on dear, yeah, come on dear [Not dechipherd] Veronica watches him go join the snobby crowd. Later, Veronica is changing the tyre. Troy approaches. TROY: Flat? VERONICA: Just as God made me. TROY: Are you always this persnickity? VERONICA: Sometimes I'm even persnickity-er. I'm supposed to be taking surf competition photos in Gold Coast in 30 minutes and this is my second mysterious flat since school started. TROY: Well here, I mean, let me help you. I'm Troy, by the way. VERONICA: I'm Veronica. TROY: Really. Veronica. OK, yeah, that-that does make a lot more sense. VERONICA: M-makes more sense how? TROY: Aaa, it's nothing. I just, uh, should never listen to those guys. I mean really, who names a daughter Trampy McBitch. They laugh and get on with the tyre. Caitlin motors over to Logan on a pink scooter. CAITLIN: Hey ONE OF THE 09ERS: Nice ride. Logan and Caitlin kiss. LOGAN: Hey munch, how ya' doin'? CAITLIN: Good. LOGAN: Two miles on there. CAITLIN: I know. It's new. [Sees Veronica and Troy] LOGAN: It's cool. Been round school all day? CAITLIN: What's Troy doing talking to Veronica? LOGAN: What do you care? CAITLIN: I don't, I just Has anyone told him? Duncan looks over and sees Veronica and Troy. He approaches. DUNCAN: Hey Veronica, you need a ride? If we don't go now, we'll miss it. VERONICA: Umm TROY: Go ahead. I'll finish this up and throw the tools in the trunk. DUNCAN: Chivalry not dead. Good to know. I'm right over here. Veronica grabs her stuff from the boot, smiles at Troy and heads for Duncan's car. Cut to Duncan and Veronica in his car heading for Gold Coast. Fountain of Wayne's "Troubled Times" is playing. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I should have walked to Gold Coast. It's only 30 miles but with the awkward silence, it feels like 300. SONG: When you think you've found something worth holding onto... VERONICA VOICEOVER: In five seconds, I'm just going to do the Charlie's Angel roll right out of the moving car. SONG: ...Were you reaching for attention, hoping she would notice you VERONICA VOICEOVER: Five four three- DUNCAN: Lilly loved this song. SONG: ...Collecting bottles and thrown-away cans... VERONICA: Yeah Cut to flashback of Lilly and Veronica in the same car, Lilly driving. LILLY: Why'd you join Pep Squad, Veronica? VERONICA: Umm, the PE credit. You? LILLY: Veronica, I suffer from too much pep. I needed a pep outlet. Plus Sassy says girls who join a club really get the fellas. VERONICA: 'Cause you really need a lot of help on that front. LILLY: Well, you know what my mom says. You have to kiss a few toads That's it. That's her entire philosophy. VERONICA: All your mom ever says to me is: "Veronica, shouldn't you be getting home soon?" LILLY: That sounds like her. VERONICA: Why does she hate me? LILLY: Um, it's not your fault. She would hate anyone she thought that Duncan might love as much as her. Friendly advice. Watch her. She'll break the two of you up if she can. SONG: Pining away every hour in your room Rolling with the motion... Cut back to present. SONG: waiting til it's opportune... Veronica sees something out of the window. VERONICA: Slow down. SONG: Sitting there watching time fly past you... It's Weevil on a work crew, cleaning up the side of the road. They stare at each other. SONG: ...Why do tomorrow what you could never do. Abrupt change in tempo as Longwave's "Here It Comes" blasts an accompaniment to the action at the beach. Surf's up, Veronica takes pictures, Duncan takes notes and they confer before heading out. SONG: Something's coming over me I'm so tired I can't see The face is all the same when you're wasted Everything is like the last That you're always moving fast The colours in the end are amazing. Cut to them on the road again, now dark. The awkward silence is back. A siren sounds and lights flash behind them. DUNCAN: Wonderful. Duncan pulls up at the side of the road. Deputy Sacks approaches Duncan's side of the car and shines his flashlight into the car. DEPUTY SACKS: Licence and registration. [On Duncan handing them over] Can I have the two of you step out of the car. DUNCAN: Is there a problem? DEPUTY SACKS: Got an impound notice on this vehicle. Bunch of parking tickets and a moving violation dated October 3rd. Duncan and Veronica look at each other in some consternation. Cut to Duncan, now out of the car on the driver's side, speaking into a mobile. DUNCAN: They want to impound the car. Guess there were a bunch of tickets. [Listening, then] No. Not mine. Lilly's. Veronica doing the same on the other side of the car. VERONICA: Just outside of town on the PCH. About a mile from the Real Inn. [Pausing for response] It's a long story. I'll tell you when you get here. Both pocket their mobiles. Cut to a little later. The impound vehicle has arrived as has Jake Kane who heads for the deputy. DEPUTY SACKS: Pull it round the front. IMPOUND DRIVER: Ready to go. DEPUTY SACKS: Yeah. I've already got it in neutral. JAKE KANE: [Calling] Officer! Officer, ah, have you called this into the Sheriff? DEPUTY SACKS: Aah, no sir. We generally don't call in routine traffic violations. JAKE KANE: Well, all right, why don't you give him a shout. [Heading for his son] Duncan? Did you get everything out of- [Sees Veronica] Hello, Veronica. VERONICA: Mr Kane. Keith has pulled up behind the police car and walks towards Veronica. He puts his arm around his daughter. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The last time my dad and Jake Kane were in the same place at the same time, [Kane and Keith look uncomfortably at each other across the top of the car] was in a Sheriff's Department interrogation room. [Flashback to the interrogations] When Jake finished his story, Dad told the most powerful man in town that he was sure he was somehow involved in his own daughter's death. Flashback to the steps of the Sheriff's Department. Jake and Duncan are surrounded by reporters and cameramen. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Jake went to the press, the adoring press, tears in his eyes and told the world how much he missed his baby and how he was wrongfully accused. Cut to the inside the Sheriff's Department as Keith collects his things together. VERONICA VOICEOVER: The fine people of Neptune gathered their pitchforks and torches, stormed the County Commissioner's Office and ran Dad out of office. [Flashback to party] My friends got on the bandwagon as well. [Flashback to the school outdoor seating area where a bag is strategically moved to deny access] They gave me a choice. I could stand by my dad [Flash of Caitlin on her pink scooter, Logan with the tire iron, Duncan with another girl at the party] or stand by Duncan and my dead best friend's family. [Cut to Veronica doing a lonely school hall walk as Duncan ignores her as she passes] I chose Dad. It's a decision I live with every day. [Cut back to the scene by the side of the road] And you want to know the kicker? [Veronica and Keith head back to Keith's car as Kane has words with his son] I don't even know what's true anymore. Maybe everyone else is right. Maybe Dad screwed up the investigation. Maybe I gave up my circle of friends, my life over an error in Dad's judgement. DEPUTY SACKS: [To impound driver] Hold on, we're not going to move the car, okay. [To Kane, apologetic] So sorry Mr Kane, I had no idea. JAKE KANE: Thank you. Cut to Keith and Veronica in the car. KEITH: So? What's up? You and Duncan starting to hang out again? VERONICA VOICEOVER: Yeah, I'll tell you the details of my personal life if you tell me why you went after Jake Kane when to everyone else he was a heart-broken father. KEITH: Honey? Are you and Duncan star- VERONICA: No. School assignment, that's all. Can we stop by the Neptune Grand? KEITH: What for? VERONICA: The Navarro case. I need a little help. KEITH: Isn't that already solved? I thought that they had the confessed criminal in jail. [Off Veronica's look] Oh, all right. Fine. What do you need me to do? Veronica smiles. Cut to the Neptune Grand. Keith is leading Veronica through the foyer by the wrist. Keith plays agitated as he makes his way to reception. KEITH: Excuse me. [They reach reception.] We need to talk to somebody in security right now. [Impatiently and loudly] Right now! The receptionist is intimidated. VERONICA: [Whispering loudly to Keith] Dad! Will you just back off and let me handle it? KEITH: [Angrily] You handle it or I handle it but we're gonna get to the bottom of this, right now. VERONICA: [To Keith] No! You just stand over there. You're scaring people. [To the receptionist] Hi. I'm really hoping you can help me with this. RECEPTIONIST: What seems to be the problem? VERONICA: I came in here about a month ago with a guy Long story short, I'm pregnant. KEITH: Gee. RECEPTIONIST: O-kay? VERONICA: Um, here's the thing. The next part's a little embarrassing. I don't remember the guy's name. [Keith growls] Or what he looks like. Tequilla? Never again [chuckles] My dad's wondering if there's any sort of surveillance video we could take a look at or Here's the credit card bill. He had me pay for the room. RECEPTIONIST: Let me go talk to my manager. The receptionist leaves and Keith and Veronica pass a congratulatory look. KEITH: That was good. [They move back from the desk] What? VERONICA: You were a [gestures] little bit over the top. KEITH: You think it worked? A little bit. I can bring it down. [Veronica repeats her gesture] You try it. You try being bad cop. VERONICA: Don't make me laugh [laughing] KEITH: It's easier being good cop than it is bad cop. The receptionist returns with a bill which she lays on the counter. RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry but we only keep video surveillance for two weeks [Off Veronica's distraught hands to face] but I did get your detailed bill summary. VERONICA: [Chirpy] Oh, thanks. [To Keith] Guess who signed for room service in a room charged to the Echolls family credit card? KEITH: Who? VERONICA: Logan's girlfriend, Caitlin Ford. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to the school newspaper office. Veronica arrives from one direction just as Logan is coming in from another. VERONICA: [As Logan passes] I know it was you. LOGAN: Ha, ha. What was me? VERONICA: You stole your mom's credit cards but you made a mistake when you went to the Hotel Neptune Grand 'cause you let Caitlin sign for the room service tab. LOGAN: Well that's great. Prove it. As Logan walks away from her, his face loses its bravado. MS DENT: Veronica! I want to show you something. What do you think? It is the cover of the Neptune High School Navigator. Veronica's picture of Chang surfing covers the front page with the caption "Chang Ten" and "story by Duncan Kane, photos by Veronica Mars". VERONICA: Wow! MS DENT: Pretty cool, huh? VERONICA: Yeah. Ms Dent smiles. Veronica stares proudly back at her by-line. Cut to the Sheriff's Department. Lamb stands with one of his deputies. KEITH: [Offscreen] Wanted man, coming through. Lamb turns to see Keith leading the burly escaped prisoner whose photo was shown in the newspaper in the diner. KEITH: [To Lamb] I believe you misplaced this. SHERIFF LAMB: [To the deputy] Tommy, go on, get him to holding. DEPUTY TOMMY: [Taking the escapee away] Right, let's go. KEITH: You don't think we should alert the media, I mean take some pictures. I thought that was standard operating procedure here now. [On Lamb's failure to rise to the bait, turning to Inga] Hi, Inga. How are Trixie and Bud? INGA: Trixie just had puppies. There's still one left. SHERIFF LAMB: [Interrupting] That's all. KEITH: Now do you plan on cutting the reward cheque personally or should I talk to Cathy down in accounts payable? [Lamb silently turns and walks back to his office] Shall I follow you? Lamb looks back but doesn't respond. Keith heads out. Cut to the schoolyard lunch area. Veronica and Wallace are sitting at their table as Troy comes up behind them and sits down next to Veronica. VERONICA: That's so typical. WALLACE: Yeah, yeah. TROY: How's that spare tire holding out? VERONICA: Aah. There it is, the quid pro quo. TROY: Hey, this great nation of ours was built on quid pro quo. I am having a party on Saturday and you should come. Well, both of you. WALLACE: Cool. TROY: But, especially you. VERONICA: Haven't you heard? I'm not allowed in the first class cabin. TROY: Look. Uh, I don't believe in much but I do believe in this. When sexy, sassy girls can't come to a shindig of mine, it's time for all parties involved to stand up and just admit that, hey, maybe I was a little bit wrong or sorry. I mean let bygones be bygones, screw pride. Let's dance [grooves] baby, let's dance. WALLACE: That was beautiful, man. VERONICA: We'll see. TROY: An open mind. That's all I ask. [Troy leaves] VERONICA VOICEOVER: Is it that easy? Saying maybe I was wrong and get my old life back? Logan passes and gives Veronica a gesture. She packs her bag. WALLACE: Where you off to, superfly? VERONICA: I'm gonna nail that sucker. Logan joins Duncan in another area. They handslap and he sits on a low wall. He sees Caitlin talking to Troy. LOGAN: And this kid Troy, how long have you known him? DUNCAN: Oh, a few years. His family has the slip next to ours down at the marina. They usually come in August. Stay the month. They move around a lot. You know, wherever his dad has a project. Hey, I'm going to get a burrito. Want something? LOGAN: [Staring at Troy and Caitlin, shakes his head] Nothing. DUNCAN: Well you are in charge of your girlfriend's purse. Duncan hands Logan a pink handbag as he leaves. Cut to Veronica in the newspaper office. She is examining the credit card charge list which includes seven telephone numbers. She pulls out her own mobile and dials the first number. TELEPHONE: Hello! And thank you for calling Movieline. She rings off and crosses through the number. Meanwhile, Logan spots Caitlin's mobile in her bag. He palms it and look at the 'Call Records' while keeping a wary eye on Caitlin and Troy. He runs down a list of numbers. Back to Veronica. TELEPHONE: [Female voice] Hello? VERONICA: Yeah, hi. Uh, this number appeared on my cell phone bill and I don't recognise it. Can you tell me who this is? TELEPHONE: It's Jesse Ford. And who's this? Veronica cuts off the call. She crosses off this latest number and is down to the last one. It's 619-555-0136. This is the same number that Logan has now highlighted on Caitlin's phone. LOGAN: [To himself] Who's she calling at one in the morning? Veronica punches in the number, Logan hits the return button. He gets through as Veronica gets a busy signal. Logan continues to observe Troy and Caitlin as he waits for an answer. TELEPHONE: [Male voice] Ah, hey baby. Calling me during the school day, that's-that's daring. Logan holds the phone to his ear, says nothing but stands to look round to spot the speaker. Veronica makes another call. VERONICA: Dad, hey. Can you run a cell phone number for me? Logan is still looking around. A lot of students are using their phones. TELEPHONE: Baby? Hello? Baby? Ah, you want to play the silent game. [Laughs] Alright, baby, later we'll play a tickle game if you want. Logan finally spots him. It is Weevil's relative. WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: That's cool baby, I'll just talk. I know you like it. I miss you mama. I can't wait to see you. Logan cuts off the call. He expels breath in a rueful grin, quickly replaced by an evil look. Cut to the school hallway where Logan and some 09er lackeys are purposefully heading for Weevil's relative who is walking ahead of them. Veronica intercepts him and pushes him into the girl's bathroom. WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: Best watch it little girl. VERONICA: Confess, it's good for the soul. WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: What? VERONICA: Moron says what. WEEVIL'S RELATIVE: What? VERONICA: You're busted, Chardo, do I have to spell it out for you? CHARDO: Yeah, why don't you? VERONICA: All right. So one day, you go to pick up your grandma at the Echolls house and she asks you to take out a bag of trash and there they are in front of you, virgin, high-limit, pre-approved credit card applications. Just phone in the confirmation code and start spending. Then you use Logan Echolls' family's credit cards to take out Caitlin Ford in the manner to which she's accustomed. Gourmet meals, five star hotels, limo rides. But the best part about it is that your cousin Weevil takes the fall for you. So you're promoted. CHARDO: I didn't want that to happen. Weevil's like my brother. VERONICA: Your brother's out picking up trash on the highway. CHARDO: You know what? It's killing me, okay? But you see, I got a plan. VERONICA: I'm all ears. CHARDO: Caitlin and me. We're gonna run away. [On Veronica's laugh, with feeling] We are and once we're gone, then I'll write a confession, I'll send it back. They gotta let Weevil go then. VERONICA: Chardo? Caitlin Ford is never gonna run away with you. CHARDO: You don't know her. VERONICA: Oh, I know her. She's a thrill seeker. Doing you was like doing the do and that's all it was. [As Chardo heads for the door] You can't go out there because Logan knows and he wants your head on a stick. CHARDO: I ain't hiding, am I? VERONICA: What are you going to do when Weevil finds out? CHARDO: How's Weevil gonna find out. VERONICA: [Quietly] You should turn yourself in. CHARDO: I ain't going nowhere without her. [Sniffs] Caitlin and me, we love each other. VERONICA: So tell me why every time I see her, Logan Echolls has his hands all over her. Chardo pauses with his back to Veronica before wrenching the door open and exiting the bathroom. Cut to Mrs Navarro's house where Veronica sits with her at a table. VERONICA: I don't understand why you're doing it. You know that Chardo gave you that pendant but you're letting Weevil do the time for him? MRS NAVARRO: Eli is still 17. Chardo is 18 and he's got a record. They'd send him to prison. Weevil can do four months of juvie. VERONICA: Weevil thinks he's taking the fall for you. MRS NAVARRO: [Dismissively] I have dinner to fix. VERONICA: Do you know what he was doing with those credit cards? [Pulling out the list of credit card charges] He spent all that money, thousands of dollars, taking out a spoiled, rich, white girl. Logan Echolls' girlfriend. You must have met her. Caitlin Ford? MRS NAVARRO: Iee no, not her. Huh! She doesn't like her ice cubes made with tap water. VERONICA: You lost your job and now Weevil's doing time so that Chardo can take this girl out in style. MRS NAVARRO: Let me see those receipts. Veronica hands them over. Cut to Weevil being dropped off home by a police car. His grandmother, who has been sitting on the porch with Veronica, races down the steps to meet him. MRS NAVARRO: Eho. [They hug] Oh, it's so good to have you home. WEEVIL: Veronica Mars, I hear you're to thank for this Kodak moment. Didn't you get the memo? The bad guy was already in jail. Gimme some love. [Hugs her] MRS NAVARRO: Eho, I wanna make you something to eat. WEEVIL: [As she goes into the house] Okay. VERONICA: You should know. The judge issued a warrant for Chardo after authorising your release. They're out looking for him. WEEVIL: Yeah, well. They won't be the only ones. VERONICA: Logan and the 09er's are after Chardo too. You should find him before they do. WEEVIL: We'll find them. Cut to Chado, getting off his bike in front of the Ford residence. He is talking into his phone. CHARDO: Baby, it's me. I'm outside. This is it. It's time to go, it's what we talked about. Caitlin! Look outside your window. I'm here. [Caitlin appears at the window and stares down at him] What's wrong, baby? Some 09ers have gathered behind Chardo. CHARDO: Is everything okay? Some more 09ers step out from behind trees in front of him. Caitlin watches impassively from her window. He's surrounded. A car pulls up. Logan gets out. LOGAN: [Addressing Chardo but looking up at Caitlin] Well. If it isn't the bad apple thinking he can steal my girl. CHARDO: I already stole your girlfriend. You're just too dumb to know it. Logan punches him in the face and he goes down. Logan places his foot on Chardo's chest. Bikes can be heard coming closer and Weevil's gang come round the corner and stop. Logan increases the pressure of his foot on Chardo. ONE OF THE 09ERS: Check it out man [indistinguishable]. CHARDO: Sweet music, huh? [Leers] LOGAN: [To the 09ers] Hold him. BLONDE 09ER: Don't move. LOGAN: Well, I guess this is what they call inevitable, huh? Hey look, you even got home court advantage. WEEVIL: Let's talk. ONE OF THE 09ERS: What's up with that, man. The 09ers chatter as Weevil and Logan move off to talk privately and briefly. LOGAN: [To the Blonde 09er holding Chardo down] Let him go. BLONDE 09ER: Logan! LOGAN: I said let him go. The 09ers are disappointed and grumble. Logan drives off as Chardo climbs back onto his bike. He looks back up at Caitlin who disappears back behind the curtains. Cut to the beach. Chardo is in the middle of the group, tapping fists as Weevil stands a little apart from them. CHARDO: You're the man, you know what I'm saying. You were there for me. I like that. I appreciate it, you know what I'm saying. [To Weevil] Most of all to you man. I'm sorry you had to take the fall. I was gonna get you out. You and me, we're brothers. Chardo holds his hand up to grab Weevil's but Weevil ignores it and looks down at the ground. WEEVIL: You're out. Out of the club. Out of my life. And you know what that means. Weevil turns his back and walks away from him as the gang move closer around Chardo. CHARDO: Weevil, come on! Cous! Hey, let me make it up to you. Eli! Eli! The bikers start beating on him. WEEVIL: Pull them off before they go too far. FELIX: You got it boss. Felix joins the beating as Weevil rides off alone. Cut to the offices of Mars Investigations. VERONICA: Dad? KEITH: Yeah, honey. VERONICA: What made you go after Jake Kane? KEITH: What makes you ask? VERONICA: Other than that question defines our very existence? I think if I knew more about the case and the evidence KEITH: Honey, it's ugly. I want thoughts of Lilly's death out of your head. I don't wanna pour more into it. VERONICA: I can handle it. KEITH: Let's look at it this way. If I knew what would happen to us, that your mom would leave, that school would get tougher for you, I never would have pursued Jake Kane the way I did. VERONICA: I still wanna know. KEITH: I know you do. Let's go home. Cut to Veronica walking into the Sheriff's Department. VERONICA VOICEOVER: A couple of weeks before Lilly was murdered and Dad was still Sheriff, she and I snuck into the backroom and made ourselves fake IDs so we could get into clubs. I had them sent to my house. The arrived days after her body was discovered. I stuck them in a drawer and forgot about them until the deputy mentioned Lilly's October 3rd ticket. The good thing about visiting the Sheriff's Department on a Sunday, is that most of the people who work on weekends don't remember me. They're new. NOT INGA: Is there something I can help you with? VERONICA: Yeah, the insurance company called my dad and said we had an outstanding ticket. Um, there's the licence number. NOT INGA: OK and can I see your ID? Veronica pulls out an ID and hands it over just as Lamb comes up behind her. Not Inga gestures 'just a minute' and walks away from the counter. SHERIFF LAMB: What are you doing here? VERONICA: I'm just paying off a ticket. [As he walks away] Hey, any luck finding Chardo Navarro? No? You should talk to my dad, he's really good at that sort of thing. SHERIFF LAMB: You got a smart mouth, kid. Veronica smiles sweetly and shrugs. Lamb heads into his office just as Not Inga returns. NOT INGA: Yeah, I don't think there's any wiggle room on this one. VERONICA: Thanks. I'll mail in the payment. NOT INGA: All right, Miss Kane. Sorry 'bout the bad news. Lamb pops his head out of the office, unsure of what he heard (or not). Cut to a close up of the information Veronica has collected. It is a copy of both a ticket and photos of the licence plate of Lilly's car and one of her driving. She is smiling broadly. Veronica is sitting at one of the school outdoor tables. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I haven't gone more than 30 minutes without glancing at the ticket. One of those automated intersection cameras caught Lilly running a red light at 6:02PM, almost two hours after her supposed time of death. I don't know if it's the photo of Lilly, singing and smiling on the final day of her life that's been haunting me or the fact that suddenly none of the Kanes have alibis that hold up - Jake, Celeste, even Duncan. Dad was right. The case doesn't add up. I made a choice a long time ago. Stand by Dad or stand by the people tearing him down. Troy sits down next to her. She folds the ticket away. TROY: You didn't make it Saturday night. VERONICA: I guess I didn't feel I was even a little bit wrong or sorry. TROY: Well a wise man once said that a 'No' is like a 'Yes' except with different letters and arranged in a different order and spoken out loud but, you know, it disappears on the wind. Veronica is amused and smiles as Wallace joins them at the table. WALLACE: There goes the neighbourhood. They just put Golden Tee in at Sac-n-Pac. You need to go there 'cause your not going to get your free game- VERONICA: Guys. Look. Behind Wallace the 09ersare gathered. Caitlin goes to sit next to Logan when one of the girls deliberately moves to block her. Caitlin tries to move in further down but she is again blocked. Veronica watches with pained familiarity. Caitlin is well and truly ostracised and walks away. WALLACE: Hate to be her. VERONICA: Yeah, that would suck. [Shaking it off] I've never played Golden Tee but I'm pretty sure I can kick both your asses. Veronica leads them out to head for the Sac-n-Pac. TROY: Ooh. WALLACE: Wo-ho. TROY: Lead the way. VERONICA: I'm just saying TROY: I think we got a competition

When Weevil is accused of credit card fraud, Veronica sets out to prove him innocent. At school, Veronica is put into Ms. Dent's journalism class, and finds she has a flat tire after class. Veronica accepts a car ride with her ex-boyfriend Duncan, which turns out to be very awkward. Troy Vandegraff arrives in town and enrolls in Neptune High. Veronica also discovers that a red light camera picture proves Lilly was alive hours after her official time of death. Paris Hilton guest stars as Caitlin Ford, Logan's girlfriend.

fd_Justified_03x10

fd_Justified_03x10_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Dickie: How am I gonna get my hands on that money, you think, while I am inside here? Nap time's over, gimpy. Come on. Dickie: Aah! Raylan: What the hell, Dickie? Dickie: Well, you know, the thing is, I-I really had no choice, Raylan. They forced me into it. You see, the escape, the money, the whole thing. To be very clear, Raylan, I am the victim here. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Yeah, that much is clear. What's this about, Boyd? Boyd: Well, how would you like a change in occupation? What do you got in mind? Boyd: There's an election coming soon... office of county sheriff. Tillman Napier's job? Boyd: He wasn't elected for life. Now, he serves at the pleasure of the good people of Harlan county. And I think you might be just the man for the job. [ Gun cocks ] When I was young, I could sleep like a baby. Not so much anymore, unfortunately. Better lower that gun, Shelby. Well, first off, how about you tell me what you're planting inside my truck, there, deputy Mooney? We got a tip you've been dealing. Uh-huh. Well, how about you go ahead and take it out right now? Slow. Putting a gun on two uniformed sheriff deputies. We shot you down right now, Shelby, we'd be within our rights. It wasn't two months ago my doctor told me I got cancer in my liver. Two years to live if I'm lucky. So if this is the way the good lord wants it to end, I consider myself prepared. How about you? Now, you're loyal to your sheriff, and I appreciate that. I hope you're just as loyal to me when I'm in his spot. Rest assured I won't send you on no errands like this one. Well, you believe what you like. The way I see it, this is my last chance to make something of myself before I head to the wrong side of the grass. You gonna just let us leave? I'd say that sounds like a solid idea. [ Engine turns over ] [ Breathing heavily ] Boyd: Two guns against one. Well, that's impressive you got them to stand down. Well, I told them I have liver cancer a I didn't mind taking one of them with me if that's the way it had to go down. [ Chuckling ] Of course, that's bullshit. Hell, I even told them I'd keep them both on after I won. Boyd: You tell Jimmy until this election's over, I don't want him leaving Shelby's side. Now, Boyd, I don't need... Boyd: Shelby, please, this is bigger than just you. Now, we all got skin in this game. I'm gonna go get me a soda or something. Johnny: Napier goes at our man like that [Sighs] we got to strike back hard. Let him know that he cannot push us around. Boyd: You got any ideas? Johnny: Napier's got a sister. I haven't seen her in a long time, but as far as I know, she's still breathing. I got a guy who could find her, put the fear of God in her. Boyd: No, I believe I'm gonna take care of this one myself. So, the sheriff's sister, huh? Boyd: I trust she wasn't too difficult to locate. Course not. I'm just surprised, is all. Going after the man himself is one thing, but going after his kin, now, that's awful nasty. Even in the midst of an election this fierce. Boyd: Well, I appreciate your input. What about that other thing? You sure do ask a lot of your banker, Mr. Crowder. Given the fact that you are a... Far cry from my best customer. Boyd: Well, I admit my deposits have been lower than I expected. That's one way to put it. Another way is you ain't gave me sh1t. Boyd: Well, I was hoping you might see past our balance sheet, look at the ancillary benefits gonna come from this relationship. Such as? Boyd: When every decision Harlan county sheriff's office makes goes through me. So, you want someone from the county clerk's office. Boyd: But someone I can trust, now. Implicitly. Implicitly. Would the county clerk himself fit that bill? Boyd: Now you're talking. Beach towels? There's 3 inches of water down here, asshole! Judge Reardon: All right, what do you want me to do about it, Terry? This never would have happened if you weren't too damn cheap to keep this place up. Judge Reardon: Yeah, I got to go. You call a plumber. I'll get back to you. Don't you hang up that... Judge Reardon: God, woman takes my house, then she calls me up to complain about a goddamn busted pipe! I'm still here, you asshole. Judge Reardon: Oh, man. What's your excuse? I already seen it, Raylan. Raylan: It's gonna happen? Judge Reardon: Yep. You know it is, or you wouldn't be here. Raylan: He already got out once under unjust circumstances. We gonna let it happen again? Judge Reardon: Yeah, well, sometimes, you can flush all you want, but there's just that one turd that just won't go down. Raylan: You're the presiding judge... just make it go down. Judge Reardon: I'm bound and gagged by this one, son. Every ambulance-chasing lawyer in Kentucky wants to take this case and sue the sh1t out of the federal government for what happened to him at Tramble. Raylan: Cry me a river. He got out of jail. Judge Reardon: At gunpoint. Raylan: So he says. Judge Reardon: And Dewey Crowe backs him up. Raylan: Angling for his own release, no doubt. Judge Reardon: Yeah, well, maybe we could ask the crooked guards and nurses. No, wait, we can't. You killed them. Raylan: I just shot the one nurse... the woman. A... look. Just push it back a little while. Let me have some time to find a reason to keep him in. Judge Reardon: Look, I know what he did to you, and I'm sorry, but I can't help you. Now, you can try and convince the AUSA to change their position. If you can't, Dickie Bennett's gonna walk free. [ Sighs ] [ Door closes ] On this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I'm fighting for my soul God get at your boy you try to bogard fall back, I go hard on this lonely road trying to make it home doing it by my lonesome pissed off, who wants some? I see them long, hard times to come [ dog barking ] [ Gasps ] Boyd: Hello, Hanna. Well, I've just been sitting here admiring your tablescapes. I know who you are. Boyd: Is that so? You're running that man against my brother, Tillman, for sheriff. Boyd: Well, for a woman who's been off the beaten path for as long as you have, you certainly stay well-informed. Not from talking to Tillman. Okay? We ain't talked regular going on 15 years. Boyd: Well, you had a falling-out, did you? I was laid up three months last year, medical bills piling up sky-high. Man wouldn't r-return my phone calls. Boyd: Well, a man who doesn't take care of his family ain't much of a man in my book. So, you think he's gonna give a sh1t if you slap me around? Boyd: Hanna, you got me all wrong. I come here to offer you a job. Raylan: Mr. Vasquez. Raylan, I wish I could help, but I can't. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Dickie Bennett killed a woman. That's not what he's in for, and I can't keep him in prison for the rest of his life because he whupped your ass. Raylan: Well, first, I don't think that's a fair assessment. Regardless. Raylan: Second, what if I give you a reason to at least push the hearing back? Okay, what are we talking about? Raylan: Thinking I go see Wade Messer, offer him leniency for setting me up the way he and see what else he can finger Dickie on. Messer's not gonna talk to you. Raylan: We're old buddies. Mm-hmm. Raylan: I offer him a reduced sentence There's nothing to reduce. The only reason Messer's on the inside is because he helped Dickie. If we drop the charges against Dickie... Raylan: Messer walks, too. Yeah, you've got no leverage to make him tell you anything. Raylan: Oh, sh1t. Look, Raylan, I'm not in the business of letting assholes out of jail, okay, so if you got something real, bring it to me and I'll listen to you. But otherwise, the judge is gonna pardon Dickie. Raylan: Always good to see you. Johnny: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You taking actual shotglasses? No, put those back and pull the goddamn Dixie cups that I bought. [ Sighing ] Oh, good lord. Shot of the cheap stuffs for every vote, and a shot of the good stuff if they bring a friend. Boyd: Now, make sure you water down that cheap stuff enough so it lasts. Johnny: The boys I hired, they know what they're doing. Boyd: All right. Arlo's got a guy hauling folks out of Paden holler. Johnny: That's good. And Emmett holler? Boyd: Well, Arlo's gonna make that run himself. Johnny: Arlo's driving a bus? Boyd: Uh-huh. Johnny: Oh, sh1t. Well, there's some folks might not make it to the polls. Boyd: Ava, baby, how are things on your end? Ava: Oh, the girls, they're excited to practice their constitutional right to vote and to give a free hand job for every vote cast for our man, Shelby. They already gave out blowjobs to a couple boys Napier was counting on to haul for him and convinced them to take the day off. I'm not sure I ought to be listening to this. Boyd: Well, shelby, now, this is the nature of Harlan county politics. Now, the people of Harlan county are ready for a change. They deserve a change... [ Cellphone rings ] and we gonna win this thing. Ava: Yes, we are. Johnny: Damn straight. Boyd: Yes, we can. Hello? It is. [ Sighs ] You sure about that? You absolutely certain? No, 'course not. I appreciate the phone call. Ava: What is it? Boyd: There's a chance that Dickie Bennett might get out of Tramble this week. Johnny: You don't think he's stupid enough to come back to Harlan? Boyd: Well, to answer your question, cousin Johnny, yes, I think he is that stupid. But one victory at a time. Marshal. Raylan: Jed, how was the drive over? Scenic? Seems like you guys maybe took me the long way. They drove me over through, uh, Masterson station park. Raylan: Oh. Well, that was nice of them. How are things at the federal inn? About what you'd expect. Raylan: Yeah. Federal system's no picnic, is it? You get less rec time. There's no chance of getting your own cell. Just got to hope your roomie doesn't have ibs. Food's about the same grade of sh1t everywhere, though, so there is that. Why am I here, marshal? Raylan: Uh, you saw Dickie Bennett pull the trigger... so much as said so... then you changed your tune. I need you to change it back. Well, in that case, you better just put me back in that car. Raylan: It's a pepperoni from Vitello's. That's what your wife said, right? You saw her? Raylan: I just spoke to her on the phone, but she became very upset, so it s difficult to understand her. And you have a daughter, right? Claire. Raylan: Yeah. Yeah, she was crying, too. All I'm asking you to do is tell the truth, Jed. Then you can go home and be with your family. [ Chuckles ] I got an Uncle... big man. Call him stink. Look, I don't know the details, but the story goes some years back, stink got involved with Mags' cousin Gracie, got her knocked up, decided he didn't want anything to do with that. Well, Gracie's brothers didn't like that sh1t one bit. They was gonna kill him. So, mags and my granny brokered a peace. Raylan: You're saying your family owes some debt to the Bennetts. Jed, there are no more Bennetts. Just Dickie. Yeah, what good is that gonna do me now, huh? Raylan: We're gonna need your granny to step up and say Mags put the screws to her. Good luck. Raylan: I get her to say it, you'll back her play? If she talks, I'll talk. Now... Whoa. It's good. Raylan: Ma'am, I am deputy U. S. Marshal Raylan Givens. Now, she's getting better at using this every day. See, now, how it works is she puts her fingers on the letters, and then you write them down, and so that's to... Raylan: I think we'll manage. We're gonna talk about your grandson, aren't we? Well, y-you know she can't talk, don't you? Raylan: Yes, that's clear. Well, she had a stroke couple weeks back, so th... Raylan: If you'll just give me a minute with her, we'll be fine. All right, then. Raylan: I understand Mags Bennett called in an old debt... why your Jed is wasting away behind bars and not her Dickie. That's a milkshake. You want a milkshake? Two milkshakes? They did not have vanilla... just strawberry... but it is made with real ice cream. How about that, huh? Okay. Now, as I was saying, this debt you feel like you owe the Bennetts... there's no reason for your grandson to rot in prison. You just have to... oh! Uh... Art: Funny. You know, before his stay at Tramble, I didn't think Dickie Bennett had ever been out Harlan county. Raylan: Surprised me, too. Art: All the way to Seattle. Raylan: Fella's name is Corby Bennett, but he goes by "Dickie." Art: Just need a couple of days, make sure it's not the same guy. Raylan: Plus, uh, chief deputy Sturm's a good friend of Art's. Art: Yeah, just trying to do him a favor. This guy's black. Raylan: It looks black in the picture, but you never know till you find him. Come on. He's not Derek Jeter black. He's Wesley Snipes black. This is a black man. Art: Oh, come on. You're mixing your metaphors, there, going from athletes to actors. Raylan: Yeah. Next time, go Derek Jeter to Sammy Sosa. Art: More like Deron Williams to... doesn't matter. This is not gonna happen. Raylan: Fine. I'm gonna give him the tour. [ Sighs ] Raylan, please. Raylan: No, I'll go over there first thing tomorrow morning. I'll do it myself. When they show up to get him, he's not there. It's no one's fault. It happens all the time. The answer is no. Ship has sailed. Raylan: You know what? I bet if he had killed one of your loved ones, you'd be trying a little harder. Art: Raylan, we're all on the same side here. Now, I know you're frustrated, but delay tactics will only dismantle all the work I've done to prevent a lawsuit. If that happens, all of our asses are in a sling. Raylan: So, that's it, huh? He walks? Yeah. He walks. Unless you get on the stand. Raylan: Who can take the stand? You could take the stand. Tell the judge all the things you told me. I don't know. Maybe he goes out on a limb. Maybe he takes your side on it. Either that, or this little sh1t's gonna walk. Art: You know, that's not a bad idea. Raylan: What? Art: The victim, a highly decorated deputy U.S. marshal, makes an impassioned plea before the judge. Tell him Dickie Bennett tried to torture you. Maybe the judge will see it your way. Raylan: No. Art: What's the matter? You've testified before. Raylan: It's never gone well. Art: [ Laughs ] Well, try picturing the judge in his speedos. That's always worked for me. [ indistinct conversations ] I haven't won yet. Haven't won yet. Johnny: Well, from the looks of it, you're gonna need one either way, Shelby. We better win. I never handed out so much pineapple juice in my life. Pineapple juice? It makes... It makes the taste a little more tolerable. [ Chuckles ] [ Cellphone ringing ] Boyd: Hello? I-I'm sorry. I can't hear you. Ava: Hey, everybody, shut up! [ Conversations stop ] Boyd: Well, that's it? That's the official count? Napier won. sh1t. From what I hear, the prime spots for the oxy clinics are by Bridges or [Chuckles] of course, any place where two "hollers" intersect. Mm. What exactly is the origin of that word? "Hollers." It's meant to denote "hollows," I would imagine, but it's not like those are actually hollowed into the mountains, are they? Hell if I know. Ahh. You know, Tillman, it's gonna start to get a little crowded in here... for the both of us, I mean. And I've noticed that you have an empty office down the hall that you're using for storage. You think you could have your sh1t moved in there by the end of the week? What? Your sh1t... moved by weekend. Just a damn minute. I can't give you an office. Y-you don't work here. Well, I'd imagine you could find me a nice job on your staff, non-deputized, of course. I mean, I have to keep my eyes on things if we are gonna make this work. Whoa. Whoa? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Knock on door ] Come in. Tillman. What can I do for you, Harvey? Harvey. Sir. Uh, I'm afraid it's bad news. What the hell's he doing here? Well, now, yeah, see, that's... that's the thing. There's a, uh, problem with the election results. A problem? Well, it seems... Your sister, Hanna, is on my office payroll. Now, it's minor administrative position, but state of Kentucky's nepotism laws being what they are, well, it makes you ineligible for county office, so... Now, just a goddamn minute, Harvey. You know I hadn't seen Hanna since she stole from mama. Well, now, calm down, Tillman. Now, I-I-I know. And I fired her. I-I fired her as soon as it come down, but law's law, so... All right, then, void the election. Call a new one. Now, but see, t-the problem, though, is, according to the statute, the runner-up now serves as sheriff, effective immediately, until we can hold another vote, so... Okay. Fine. When's the new election? Well, probably not for three months at least. Bullshit, Harvey! Well, now, I did not write this law, Tillman. And how much he and Crowder paying you? Now, it ain't like that. You shaking us down for more money? Is that what this is? I'm personally offended by that. Is that what this is? Excuse me. Oh, you're welcome, sir. Now... now, my hands are tied. Boyd: You're a lucky man, Mr. Quarles. You get to come all the way down here, a place you got no right being. You get to eat our food. You get to drink our whisky. You get to look at our women as you try to take it all for yourself. Why, you know what you are? You're a conquistador. Only we are not your savages. And now you get to leave with your life. Well, I'm hard-pressed to remember the last outsider in your line of work can say that. I hope you've enjoyed your stay and you never forget who packed your bags. Wynn: How long have you been taking those? Mr. Quarles, maybe it is time you leave Kentucky. I got nowhere else to go. [ Knock on door ] Wynn: It's some kid. See what he wants. Wynn: May I help you? Good call. Yeah. Sit down. Over there. Oh. Uh... There's a young man with a gun in our trailer, Wynn. Wynn: Yeah, I noticed. Did... did you do something to upset him? Wynn: I don't even know him. You and me got a friend in common. Oh, yeah? Brady Hughes. Wynn: Who's Brady Hughes? Go ahead. Tell him. You're friends with Brady? Friends enough to know that the last person anyone saw him with was you, getting into a car together. Brady is a beautiful soul. I don't want to hear your bullshit. What would you like to hear? The truth. I want you to admit that you killed him. But that's not the truth. Then where is he? I don't know. Yes, you do. You killed him. And I want to hear you say it. And then you're gonna kill me? Say it. Ow old are you, son? Old enough. [SCENE_BREAK] I was 14 years old when I killed my first man. I was given a choice. I could do it myself, or they would do it for me. You took him from me. No. I didn't. My father was a heroin addict. He wasn't necessarily an evil man, but he couldn't kick his addiction, couldn't hold a job, either. But to feed his addiction, he used the resources at his disposal. I don't care about your sh1t! Luckily for my father, he had a very... Pretty little boy. And plenty of men were willing to pay for my company. What is your name? Donovan. That's what it was like for me, Donovan. For many years. And then one day, a man named Theo realized what was happening. You see, Theo believed deeply in family. And one afternoon, an associate of Theo's picked me up from school, and we took a ride in his Cadillac to a warehouse. Theo ushered me in, where inside, on his knees, was my father. [ Gun cocks ] I was 14 years old. And I remember how it felt to suddenly be free. You see, Donovan, I understood your friend Brady. I knew him without really knowing him. Do you understand? Then why'd you hurt him? Hurt him? No, son. I never hurt him. I did everything I could... To help him. [ Gun clatters ] And then I set him free. [ Sobbing ] Shh. I set him free. So, did you screw up or something? Raylan: No. Actually, this time, I did everything right. So, what's the problem? Raylan: Were you not listening when I said the part about the murderer going free? Uh, watch your tone, trouble. You know what I think the problem is? Raylan: [ Sighs ] You have performance anxiety. Raylan: I can assure you, Lindsey, I do not. [ Chuckles ] Raylan: Although, I will admit public speaking is not my favorite part of this job. You need to buck up, sadness. You are sounding like a glass-half-empty kind of guy. Raylan: Right now I'm a glass-completely-empty kind of guy. You know what I think? Raylan: Mm. I think you ought to let me help you. Raylan: Help me make my statement? Mm-hmm. What do you got so far? Raylan: "I am deputy U.S." Marshal Raylan givens." That's a strong opening. What's next? Raylan: That's it. [ Sighs ] The rest is bullshit. I mean, the whole thing is bullshit. Getting up, talking. Telling folks sh1t they already know, trying to say it in a way that gives them permission to make a decision they should've made already. You're not much of a bullshitter, huh? Raylan: I'd like to think not. I used to have that same problem. I got to the age where all my friends were getting married, and seems like I had to give a different toast at a different wedding every weekend. Marriages I knew weren't gonna last more than a month. I would get a migraine until the moment I stood up. Raylan: Did you know this is not a very encouraging story thus far? [ Chuckling ] Know. What I figured out was... [ Drawer opens ] just don't bullshit. [ Drawer closes ] I mean, sure, they would give me nasty looks when I stood up and didn't say the same old sh1t that everybody wanted to hear. I would get the stink eye even after I sat down, but it stopped the migraines, and I could respect myself in the morning. Raylan: You know what I think? I think you should give my statement. See, I feel like they'd probably rather hear from somebody who's actually in law enforcement. Raylan: Yeah, well, I can fix that. I could deputize you. Shut up. You can do that? Raylan: I sure can. If you'd like me to. And I could arrest people, carry a gun? Raylan: Well, probably start you off with handcuffs, more basic activities. Well, sh1t. I'm ready. Let's do it. Raylan: Right now? Right here. Raylan: You don't think we should wait for these people to leave? Well, I feel like if we wait for that, you'll be facedown on the bar and no good to me at all. Raylan: Oh, I might surprise you. You know those two? Raylan: Yeah, I do. One looks like an albino deer. Raylan: [ Chuckles ] He's been in here before, right? Raylan: Yeah, he has. Knock yourself out. I'll be back. Oh, hi. Uh, bourbon, please. Neat. Duffy, how do you take yours? Raylan: I'm sorry. We are closed. Sure doesn't look closed. Raylan: Yeah, well, we are. We're closed. Oh, that's right. He's the bouncer now. Raylan: Wynn, take him out of here. Wynn: I voiced my concerns, and they fell on deaf ears. Raylan: You got two minutes. Marshal, aren't you gonna ask me what I want? Raylan: I don't think I will, no. There was an election today in Harlan county. And your man Boyd Crowder pulled a fast one on me. He slipped that hillbilly rug right out from under my feet. Raylan: I'm just gonna file that under "who gives a sh1t?" Well, now, usually, I'd be in a position to handle something like that because that's what I do. But then I got to thinking I'd still have to worry about incurring your wrath. Raylan: I'm sorry. My wrath? Uh, you don't need to worry about that. You guys can take each other out. And your father? Raylan: Sure. Him too. Take them both out. And that's why you are the way you are, Raylan. Raylan: [ Sighs ] 'Cause your daddy's a criminal. Raylan: That's it. Your two minutes are up. I understand you've been snooping around about my friend Brady Hughes. Raylan: Brady Hughes? Mm. Raylan: Who's that? That the street kid you killed? Gentlemen, everything okay? Raylan: Everything's okay. Uh, just stay behind the bar, will you? You know, I decided upon something tonight, there, Jim Bob. Raylan: Did you? I did. But I wanted to come down here and tell it to you myself, right out of the horse's mouth. Raylan: Sure that wasn't necessary. I'm gonna kill you, Raylan. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but some day, you'll be walking down the street, and I'm gonna put a bullet right in the back of your skull, and you're gonna drop. [ Gunshot ] [ Woman screams ] Raylan: U.S. marshal. I want everybody out of the building right now. Get your stuff and get out. Why wait? Wynn: Okay. You had your fun. Let's go. I'm not going anywhere. Neither are you. So, how long you think it'll take before the cops get here? Raylan: Oh, they may not even come. I did show my badge. And how do we do this? Raylan: You draw. I put you down. Wynn: What are yodoing? Shut your goddamn mouth. Marshal. It seems like I'm a little outnumbered in this situation. I want you and your friend out of here. Raylan: Lindsey, I want you to put that gun down. Raylan, don't talk to me like I'm a waitress. This is my bar, and I want them out. She just sassed you, son. [ Gun cocks ] You think I can't paint that wall with you from here, you are sorely mistaken. So if I pull on your gal, there... Raylan: No, don't do that. I'm really starting to like her. Don't forget what I said, marshal. Night-night. Ma'am. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Well, now what? Raylan: You know, you're welcome to stay if you want. That's sweet of y to offer, but you got a lot going on. You got that statement to write, baby on the way. You got a sonogram picture taped to your bathroom mirror. Raylan: I'm sorry? I'm not married, if that's what you're wondering. She kicked you out? Raylan: Why would you say that? You just moved in above a college bar. You got men trying to kill you. Raylan: It's complicated. Hmm. Raylan: I mean, no, it's not. Yes, she left me. Does that happen often? Raylan: Women leaving me? No, men coming in bars, trying to kill you. Raylan: Uh, one of the hazards of being a marshal, I guess. Sure it's not just one of the hazards of being you? Raylan: Is this all part of the pep talk again? Oh, how is that speech going? Raylan: Uh, it's pretty good. "I'm Raylan givens." I've been a marshal 19 years. "Currently, I'm based out of the Lexington office." Raylan: There's gonna be more. I'm gonna work on it... Later. Art: Cowboy junkies. Yeah, I've heard of them. Oh, hey, there he is. Raylan: Oh, no. Now what? Am I about to be sentenced to be Dickie's manservant? [ Chuckles ] Art: No, I got a good feeling about today. And it's just a feeling 'cause no one actually spoke to the judge. Art: Oh, hell, no. That'd be collusion. Right. Art: But I got a feeling if you give your testimony and it's in English, that judge Reardon's gonna be inclined to keep Dickie Bennett behind bars. Raylan: Great. Art: You worked on your testimony, right? Raylan: Yeah. Good. Make some grown men cry. Dickie: Your honor, what I'm saying is... is I-I just... I do not want my fellow prisoners to have to go through what I went through, you see? 'Cause these gentlemen, they ain't just convicts to me. They are my family, okay? They're my new family. You understand? So, what I'm trying to say is... is I've I've... I've changed, your honor. I've changed. I mean, my new family has changed me. I have dedicated my life to make sure this kind of abu ghraiby bullshit don't happen again up inside here. Judge Reardon: Okay, I think we get the point, Mr. Bennett. Dickie: So, I-I-I-I've changed. Believe me. Judge Reardon: You've changed. Thank you for saying it one more time. Dickie: A-amen. Judge Reardon: Take a seat, Mr. Bennett. Now, before I make my ruling, the victim of the very transgression that landed Mr. Bennett in Tramble has asked to make a statement, and I see no reason to deny him that opportunity. Marshal. Raylan: [ Sighs ] Can I just make my statement from here, your honor? I am deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan givens. I've been a marshal for 19 years. I'm currently assigned to the Lexington office. I am here today on behalf of the marshals service because we feel strongly that Dickie Bennett is not worthy of the pardon being considered by this court. I'm not gonna talk about his entire rap sheet. It's so extensive, I think it'd be just a waste of the court's time. And I won't talk about his family, either. I can only tell you that none of them are here today because they have all been killed in the commission of crimes or otherwise incarcerated. I'll just talk about the incident that led Dickie to his current stay in prison and that which caused me... Great pain and suffering. Art: [ Sighs ] Raylan: I mean, all things considered, I'm fine. And, quite honestly, this might be a waste of the court's time, as well. Uh, we all know what's gonna happen if we release Dickie Bennett... more blood's gonna be spilled. If not his, someone else's. He's a...A thug... Who is trying to convince us he's a victim. [ Chuckles ] A victim of a flaw in the system. Well, I think he's a flaw in the system. But then again, what the hell do I know, right? I just mostly chase fugitives. And I enjoy it. So... What the hell? Let him out. Release him back into the wild. He's just gonna screw up again, and when he does, law enforcement will be there, and we'll just haul his ass right back to prison. Assuming he's not killed in the process. Thank you, your honor. [ Sighs ] Art: Did that go the way you rehearsed it? Judge Reardon: You got anything more add, counselor? In that case, I have no choice but to grant Dickie Bennett early release based on the terms and conditions of the deal set forth today. Mr. Bennett, once the paperwork is processed, you're a free man. Dickie: I'm... judge Reardon: Session's adjourned. [ Gavel bangs ] Dickie: Amen. Really? Raylan: Well... Figured this way, it would just save the taxpayers a lawsuit, and maybe Dickie leads us to that Bennett money. Win-win. Art: Win-win. Next time you tell me you're not good at something, I'm gonna believe you. You know when he's getting out? Next day or two, from what I understand. That damn Dickie Bennett. Released to be a Thorn in my side yet again. That is one lucky, squirrelly, little son of a bitch. [ Scoffs ] You know, they used to call this hog-killing weather. Back before refrigeration, you could not kill a pig in the summertime. No, that meat wouldn't last you long enough to be worth your while. Yep, sweet spot is late autumn, just before the cold sets in. Nearly impossible to butcher that meat when it freezes up on you. If Dickie sniffs around long enough, he's gonna figure out where his mama's money's at. And with that much cheddar on the table, plenty of people gonna be willing to help him go after it. Now, you want, we put Bernard on the bridge. Ain't nobody gonna miss Dickie Bennett. You think people who buy their meat in cellophane packages got any idea what it's like to see an animal born, raised up, and selected to be killed? I imagine most people try not to think about that. When he shows up, you bring him to me. What if he don't like what you have to say? Roger. Die alone. And people will conspire to keep you down. You will reach for the edge, and they will lean the heel of their boots on your fingers, and you just keep fighting and scratching and pulling and just when you think you've reached the top of the Mountain, they changed the rules. And then you have to start from the beginning, so what do you do? [ Sniffs ] I know what you don't do. You don'quit. You don't run. You don't stick that gun in the back of your throat. You realize that you were wrong. You were wrong in thinking that you had already won. You claw your way back into the fight. True victory is when you crush your opponent so completely that he realizes that he was wrong in opposing you from the beginning. And you stand on top of the mountain.

Boyd and Quarles maneuver to get their candidate to win the upcoming Sheriff's election. Limehouse hedges his bets and introduces Boyd to Quarles' campaign manager, and Boyd gets Napier's sister a job with the county. This technicality costs Napier the election, sending Quarles into a drug fueled tailspin; he reveals to Duffy that he was trafficked by his father as a child. Quarles threatens Raylan, who is dealing with Dickie, set to be granted early release due to lack of evidence on his charges of kidnapping Raylan and murdering Aunt Helen. Raylan chases down the people involved with Dickie's crimes, but they refuse to testify. Raylan bungles his testimony in favor of Dickie remaining in prison, and tells Judge Reardon to release Dickie because he will slip up again or be killed in the process. At Noble's Holler, Limehouse hears from Errol that Dickie is getting out, which might cause problems for the missing Bennett fortune, and tells Errol to bring Dickie to him. Alone in a hotel room, Quarles snorts Oxycontin with repeating a mantra to himself and strips, revealing that he has kidnapped another young man.

fd_Downton_Abbey_01x07

fd_Downton_Abbey_01x07_0

[OPENING TITLES] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes does her rounds as the housemaids clean the room.] Mrs Hughes: Hurry up, girls, come on. [INT. DRAWING ROOM - DAY] [Mrs Hughes continues her rounds. A housemaid cleans the chandelier and steps down from the ladder.] Mrs Hughes: Come on, come on. You should be done here. They'll be back from the station any second now. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson and Mrs Hughes descend the servants' stairs.] Mrs Hughes: I haven't had a chance to ask, how was London? Mr Carson: Oh, much as usual. Dirty, noisy, quite enjoyable. Mrs Hughes: There was no need for you to come back a day early. I'm perfectly capable of getting the house ready. Mr Carson: Of course you are. But I like to have the heavy luggage back and unpacked before they get here. Mrs Hughes: I suppose... [Carson and Mrs Hughes suddenly make way as William almost runs into them with a tray of silver vases.] Mrs Hughes: Steady, William! This isn't a race. [William nods and exits.] Mrs Hughes: Poor lad. Mr Carson: But he did see her? I was worried when I took him to King's Cross. Mrs Hughes: Yes, he had time to say goodbye. Mr Carson: How is he now? Mrs Hughes: Well, you've only got one mother, haven't you? [Gwen rushes in holding some flowers.] Gwen: They're here, Mrs Hughes. [Carson and Mrs Hughes head for the stairs.] [SCENE_BREAK] July 1914 [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, FRONT WALK - DAY] [The family exits the motorcar.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Hello, William. It's good to have you back. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] Robert, Earl of Grantham: What a relief to be home. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't listen when His Lordship pretends not to enjoy the Season. Robert, Earl of Grantham: When in Rome. Mrs Hughes: Will Lady Mary be back soon? Robert, Earl of Grantham: She's staying on with my sister for a couple of weeks. [The servants assist the family as they remove their travel clothes.] Mrs Hughes: So Grantham House is closed? Cora, Countess of Grantham: It will be by the end of this week. Dear Mrs Hughes, I hope you've had some time to yourself while we've been away. Mrs Hughes: I've tackled a few jobs that get forgotten about when the house is full. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Any local news? Mrs Hughes: The main topic here is the murder of the Austrian Archduke. Mr Carson: Here and everywhere else. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm afraid we haven't heard the last of that. And how's William? Mr Carson: Bearing up. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Poor chap. He has our sympathies. I think I'll wash the train off before dinner. Mr Bates: Very good, milord. I can unpack while you're bathing. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'll see you up there. [The family and servants depart leaving only Cora and Mrs Hughes.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, Mrs Hughes, have you had any thoughts about the garden party for the hospital? Mrs Hughes: I've started on it, but there are things we need to talk about. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, dear. That sounds like trouble. I'll take my hat off. Sybil? [Sybil and Edith stop before they go up the stairs.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: You were a great success in London, darling. Well done. [Sybil smiles and goes up the stairs. Edith looks at her mother.] Lady Edith: You never say that to me? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't I? [Cora takes Edith's hand and leads her up the steps.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: You were very helpful, dear. Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Hughes has a word with Carson as they watch Mrs Patmore and Daisy through the kitchen window.] Mrs Hughes: I hate to spoil Her Ladyship's homecoming, but what are we going to do about Mrs Patmore? She's worse than when you left. Much worse. Oh, and I meant to ask - is there a decision? About Mr Bates leaving? Mr Carson: Not yet. His Lordship wants the facts, and Mr Bates won't give them. So what are you going to say to Her Ladyship about Mrs Patmore? Mrs Hughes: (sigh) I'm not sure. I don't want the poor woman sacked, but things cannot go on as they are. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LONDON, PARK - DAY] Lady Rosamund: There's nothing like an English summer, is there? Lady Mary: Except an English winter. Lady Rosamund: I'm sorry you haven't received more invitations. But then, after four seasons, one is less a debutant than a survivor. Lady Mary: Hmm. Lady Rosamund: My dear, is there anything you're not telling me? Lady Mary: No. Lady Rosamund: Only, one hears stories... Lady Mary: There's nothing, Aunt Rosamund. Lady Rosamund: So, have you decided? Whether or not to marry Cousin Matthew? [Mary looks at Rosamund in surprise.] Lady Rosamund: Oh, there's no secret Cora can keep for more than a month. Lady Mary: You'd be surprised. I've told him I'll give him my answer the day I get back. Lady Rosamund: Well, it would be very tidy. At least we can say that. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Miss O'Brien reads a letter and Bates regards her as she looks up and closes it.] Miss O'Brien: Fancy a smoke? Thomas: Don't mind if I do. [Thomas follows her out as William enters.] William: There they go, Guy Fawkes and his assistant. Gwen: Which is which? Anna: Here you are. [Anna hands William a black cloth. He puts on the black armband. Anna turns to Bates.] Anna: Surely if His Lordship hasn't done anything until now, it means he doesn't want to take it any further. [Carson enters and the servants stand.] William: Anna's made me an armband, Mr Carson. For my mother. Can I wear it? Mr Carson: I daresay. Not when we're entertaining, but otherwise. [Carson sits and the head of the table and the others sit back down.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Hello, Doctor. I didn't know you were here. Dr Clarkson: No, Lady Grantham sent a message. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Why? She's not ill, is she? Dr Clarkson: Not ill, exactly. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Would you mind waiting in the library? [Robert rushes up the stairs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert sits down stunned at something Cora just said.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Pregnant? Cora, Countess of Grantham: You needn't be quite so shocked. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Give me a moment. You haven't been pregnant for 18 years. Cora, Countess of Grantham: And I'm pregnant now. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I don't understand what we've done differently. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Stop right there. If you want to know more, go down and offer the doctor some whisky. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I can't take it in. Cora, Countess of Grantham: But you're pleased? [Robert stands and takes Cora's hands.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of course. [Robert kisses Cora's hands.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of course I'm pleased. [They kiss and hug.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. COURTYARD - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas smokes and reads the letter O'Brien received while she smirks.] Thomas: I didn't think she'd do it. Miss O'Brien: I told you she would. I could see she was interested. And I was speaking as one lady's maid to another. That means something, you know. Thomas: 'Course we thought we had him before, but he's a slippery devil. [Thomas smirks and hands the letter back to O'Brien.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] Dr Clarkson: It's...unusual, obviously. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Unusual? It's Biblical. Dr Clarkson: (chuckles) Not quite. You understand that women go through a...a certain... change. [Robert holds up a hand.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Thank you. I know quite as much as I need to about all that. Dr Clarkson: Well, sometimes it can result in a...a surge of...fertility, for want of a better word. Robert, Earl of Grantham: But the child will be healthy? Dr Clarkson: Oh, there's no reason why not. Robert, Earl of Grantham: How long has she...? Dr Clarkson: Hard to be precise. Things had become irregular, but... Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please. Dr Clarkson: I'd say she's about four months gone. It'll begin to show soon. Robert, Earl of Grantham: And I don't suppose there's any way of knowing if it's a... [Clarkson shakes his head.] Dr Clarkson: No. [Mrs Hughes enters and Dr Clarkson stands.] Mrs Hughes: I do beg your pardon, milord. I thought you were alone. Dr Clarkson: No, please come in, Mrs Hughes. I'm just leaving. [Mrs Hughes turns towards the door.] Mrs Hughes: William? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, thank you, Doctor...I'd better start writing some letters. Mrs Hughes: Show Dr Clarkson out. [William opens the door for the doctor and follows him out.] Mrs Hughes: I didn't want to bother Her Ladyship if she's not well... Robert, Earl of Grantham: She's resting, but tell me anyway. Mrs Hughes: It's Mrs Patmore, milord. The time has come when we really have to make a decision. [Robert nods.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mm. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson reads the note that O'Brien received while O'Brien and Thomas wait.] Thomas: Now do you believe me? Mr Carson: Careful, Thomas. Your position is not a strong one. Miss O'Brien: Don't punish us, Mr Carson. It's Mr Bates who's wanting here. Thomas: Tell me, Mr Carson, do you think it right a man like that should live and work at Downton? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LONDON, BELGRAVE SQUARE/ INT. LADY ROSAMUND'S HOUSE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A car prepares to leave on a raining street. Mary sits alone staring out the window when a butler opens the door.] Butler: Mr Napier, milady. Lady Mary: What a surprise. I'm afraid you've just missed my aunt. Evelyn Napier: I know. I watched her leave. Lady Mary: How are your wedding plans going? Evelyn Napier: Not very well. In fact, we've decided to call it off. Lady Mary: Really? It seemed quite fixed at Sybil's ball. What a shame. Please. [Mary offers him a seat.] Evelyn Napier: It'll be better in the long run. Lady Mary: Perhaps. I know what high hopes you have of the institution. Evelyn Napier: The thing is, Lady Mary, I-- I'm here today because I needed to tell you something face to face before you went to the country. Lady Mary: Face to face? Gracious me. Evelyn Napier: I've recently heard gossip about the time when I came to Downton with Kemal Pamuk. [Mary tenses.] Evelyn Napier: Gossip that I believe has made life difficult for you. I've also heard it said that I am the source of these stories. It is very important to me that you should know that I am not. [Mary relaxes in surprise.] Evelyn Napier: From that day to this, I have never spoken one word on the matter. Lady Mary: Then who did? Evelyn Napier: It seems to have come from the Turkish Embassy, from the ambassador himself, in fact, and his wife. Lady Mary: But who told them, if not you? Evelyn Napier: This is the hard part. When I discovered the answer, I debated whether I should relay it, but in the end I feel you ought to know. Lady Mary: The suspense is killing me. Evelyn Napier: It was your sister, Lady Edith, who wrote to the ambassador. That is why people accept the story. [Mary closes her eyes.] Lady Mary: Edith? Evelyn Napier: It is very hard to believe. [Mary shakes her head.] Lady Mary: Harder for you than for me. [Napier is surprised by that comment.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DOWNTON, SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] Mrs Hughes: I love the thought of a baby in the house, but if it's a boy... Mr Carson: It'll be very hard on Mr Crawley. [Mrs Hughes looks at him in surprise.] Mr Carson: I know, I was no great champion when he first arrived. But it seems to me he's tried his best, and he's done the decent thing. Mrs Hughes: I can't see that coming off. Mr Carson: You don't mean the engagement? Mrs Hughes: But it's not an engagement yet, is it? Mr Carson: She'd never throw him over. Mrs Hughes: Mr Carson, Lady Mary Crawley does not deserve you. [Mr Carson scoffs and Mrs Hughes smiles as she walks away.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE DOWER HOUSE - DAY] Violet, Countess of Grantham: And she's not been in touch with Cousin Matthew? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Not that I've heard. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Wonderful news, of course. You must look after yourself. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Don't worry, O'Brien has me wrapped in silk and feathers. Violet, Countess of Grantham: You're lucky. I have a horrible feeling Simmons is about to hand in her notice. She's looking very fidgety lately, and I saw her hurrying to meet the postman. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, you poor thing. Is there anything worse than losing one's maid? Violet, Countess of Grantham: I mean, why would she want to leave me? I've been as gentle as a lamb. [Cora gives Violet a dubious look as a servant brings them tea.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: Most of the time. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert and Matthew walk together.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I want to say I'll make provision for you if it's a boy and you get pushed out. Matthew Crawley: Don't worry. I know you can't. If any man living understands the strength of the entail, it's me. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I can give you Crawley House for life, if it's a help. Matthew Crawley: Have you heard from Mary? Robert, Earl of Grantham: No. Have you? [Matthew shakes his head.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: By the way, I want to ask a favour. What's the name of your cook? The one you brought with you from Manchester? Matthew Crawley: Mrs Bird? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Daisy: I'll get it, Mrs Patmore! Mrs Patmore: Oh, don't fuss me! William: Is that everything. Daisy: Yeah. How are you feeling? William: Well, most people's parents die before them, and so... Thomas: Oh, give it a rest. Your mother knew how to drag it out, I'll say that for her. William: What? Mrs Hughes: Thomas! Get up to the servery. [Mrs Patmore drops a pot and shrieks, holding her hand in pain.] Mrs Patmore: You gave me the wrong cloth! Mrs Hughes: Sit down, Mrs Patmore. Mrs Patmore: I can't sit down, I've got the luncheon to finish! Mrs Hughes: It was not a suggestion. Sit! [Mrs Patmore sits, nursing her hand.] Mrs Hughes: Daisy and I will finish the luncheon. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] Isobel Crawley: So he'll give us this house for life, will he? How generous. Matthew Crawley: It is generous. He doesn't have to. But it's made me think. You must stay here if you want, but I wonder if it mightn't be better all round if I went back to Manchester. Isobel Crawley: It may not be a boy. Matthew Crawley: Really, mother. You never approved of it all in the first place. If it is a boy, you should see it as a release, not a disappointment. Isobel Crawley: What does Mary say? Matthew Crawley: Nothing yet. [Molesley enters.] Mr Molesley: You wanted to see Mrs Bird, sir. [Mrs Bird enters.] Matthew Crawley: Yes, Mrs Bird, Lord Grantham has rather a favour to ask of you. Mrs Bird: I'm surprised Lord Grantham knows that I exist, sir. [Isobel laughs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mr Carson knocks and enters with a letter while Bates is tending to Roberts wardrobe.] Mr Carson: I'm sorry to disturb you. Mr Bates: Quite all right. Mr Carson: Mr Bates, it's about your somewhat startling confession. As you'll have surmised, His Lordship has yet to come to a decision. Mr Bates: His delay is generous. Mr Carson: However, it will be no surprise to you that Miss O'Brien has been unwilling to let things drop. It seems that, when we were in London, she made a new friend. A lady's maid in the house of a colonel in your former regiment. [Carson hands Bates the letter and Bates reads it.] Mr Carson: Please tell me that this account is false, at least in part. Mr Bates: I wish I could. Mr Carson: I'll have to show this to His Lordship. Mr Bates: Of course you will. Mr Carson: I do not like to play the part of Pontius Pilate, but I'm afraid I must. Lord Grantham will decide what's to be done. [Carson walks to the door.] Mr Carson: Mr Bates... I hope you do not feel that I have treated you unjustly. Mr Bates: On the contrary, Mr Carson. I am astonished at your kindness. [Carson exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LONDON, BELGRAVE SQUARE/ INT. LADY ROSAMUND'S HOUSE - DAY] Lady Rosamund: Of all of you, Sybil might find joy in a cottage. But not you. Lady Mary: We don't know it'll be a boy. Lady Rosamund: Exactly. So ask Matthew to wait until the child is born. If it's a girl you can wed him happily, and all will be as it was before. Lady Mary: But if I delay, won't he think I'm only after him for his position? Besides, I'm not sure I want to put him off, even without the title. [Rosamund is surprised.] Lady Mary: We get on so well, you know. And he's terribly clever. He might end up Lord Chancellor. Lady Rosamund: And he might not. Oh, come along, Mary, be sensible. Can you really see yourself dawdling your life away as the wife of a...country solicitor? [Rosamund marches off and Mary considers her words.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson enters with Robert.] Mr Carson: But why would we ever want a telephone at Downton, my lord? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, they have their uses. You could speak to the housekeeper in London. That'd be helpful, surely. Mr Carson: I hope I have not failed in my management of the recent move. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not at all. But the telephone is here now, and the girls got used to it when we were in London. Besides, none of us know what the next few months will bring. Mr Carson: Because of the Archduke's death? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Austria won't get what it wants from Serbia. And now Russia's starting to rumble. Well, there's not much we can do about that. So, will you take care of the telephone man? [Carson nods with a grumble.] Mr Carson: Oh, about Mr Bates, my lord. I expect you've had time to consider the contents of that letter? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Yes, but I find it very odd. Regimental silver? I could more easily see Bates as an assassin than a petty pilferer. Mr Carson: I agree. And while the letter is hard to argue with, I wouldn't put anything past Thomas or Miss O'Brien. [Robert considers that remark as Carson leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - DAY] Lady Sybil: So, what did we miss? Lady Mary: Nothing much. Although you'd have had more invitations than I did. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Have you thought about Matthew? Lady Mary: Of course, but Aunt Rosamund... Violet, Countess of Grantham: No! [Violet puts her hand up.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: She's written to me. I should pay no attention. Lady Edith: But Granny, she has got a point. Mary can't be completely na ve. Lady Mary: I don't need your help, thank you. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Mary, listen to me. If you take Matthew now when his whole future is at risk, he will love you to the end of his days. Lady Sybil: Why, Granny, you're a romantic. Violet, Countess of Grantham: I've been called many things, but never that. Lady Edith: And what happens if the baby is a boy and Matthew loses everything? Violet, Countess of Grantham: Mary can always change her mind. Lady Mary: But I can't do that to Matthew. It's not how we are together. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh! [Violet sighs in frustration and turns away.] Lady Mary: Now, I'm going upstairs to help Anna unpack. Lady Sybil: I'll come with you. [Sybil leaves with Mary. Violet sits down with Cora and Edith.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Edith, why don't you go, too? [Edith gets up with a sigh.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: Sir Anthony Strallan was at Lady Wren's party. He asked after you. [Edith smiles and exits.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Is she really serious about him? Violet, Countess of Grantham: Any port in a storm. Oh, by the way, I was right about my maid. She's leaving to get married. I mean, how could she be so selfish? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I do sympathise. Robert's always wanting me to get rid of O'Brien, but I can't face it. Anyway, she's so fond of me. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Well, I thought Simmons was fond of me. What am I to do? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Why don't I put an advertisement in The Lady? It's always the best place to start. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh, that's so kind. Thank you. I really must be going. Now, don't let Mary wait for the baby before she gives Matthew her answer. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I'm sure it's another girl. Violet, Countess of Grantham: I know those men of the moral high ground. If she won't say yes when he might be poor, he won't want her when he will be rich. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] Daisy: Maybe we should knit something. Miss O'Brien: Oh, yes, I'm sure they'd love a pair of booties knitted by you. William: Or what about a Christening mug? Thomas: They can buy their own silver. Gwen: Anything in the paper, Thomas? Thomas: They've arrested this Princip fellow and his gang. All Serbian and members of the Black Hand. Miss O'Brien: "The Black Hand"? Oh, I don't like the sound of that. Mr Bates: I don't like the sound of any of it. War is on the way. William: Then we'll have to face it. As bravely as we can. Thomas: Thank you, Mr Cannon Fodder. Gwen: Well, don't you think a war's coming? Thomas: Oh, there'll be a war, all right. It's time to prepare for it. Anna: The country, do you mean? Thomas: No, me. Mr Bates: You never disappoint. [Carson enters and the servants stand.] Mr Carson: Daisy? Run and find Mrs Patmore. His Lordship wants to see her in the library. Daisy: His Lordship wants Mrs Patmore to go up to the library? Mr Carson: That is what I said. And Anna, you're to come, too. [Daisy goes to fetch Mrs Patmore. Carson exits.] Miss O'Brien: And we thought the assassination of an archduke was a surprise. [Anna leaves and they sit down. ] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson enters] Mr Carson: Mrs Patmore, my lord. [Mrs Patmore and Anna enter and Robert rises from his desk.] Mrs Patmore: Your Lordship, I know things haven't been quite right for a while, but I can assure you-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: Come in, Mrs Patmore. [Mrs Patmore steps closer.] Mrs Patmore: I promise you, milord, if I could just be allowed a bit more time-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mrs Patmore, I've not asked you here to give you your notice. Mrs Patmore: Haven't you? Robert, Earl of Grantham: No. I understand you've had some trouble with your sight. Mrs Patmore: That's just it! I know I could manage better if only-- Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please, Mrs Patmore... Anna: Let him speak. Beg pardon, milord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Don't apologise. Now, on Dr Clarkson's recommendation, I'm sending you up to London to see an eye specialist at Moorfields. Anna will go with you and you'll stay with my sister Rosamund in her new house in Belgrave Square. Mrs Patmore: I'm afraid I'm going to have to sit in your presence, milord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Of course. [Anna helps a weak kneed Mrs Patmore stumble into a chair.] Mrs Patmore: B--but how will you get on here? [Robert sits in a chair next to Mrs Patmore.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, Mrs Crawley is lending us her cook, Mrs Bird. She's coming over tomorrow. You'll be good enough to show her how things work. Mrs Patmore: A--are the Crawleys to starve while I'm away? Robert, Earl of Grantham: They'll eat here every evening. Now, my sister's butler will look after you. He's very nice. Anna, you won't mind a visit to London? Anna: No, milord. Thank you. It'll be an adventure. Robert, Earl of Grantham: One with a happy ending, I hope. [Robert stands and Mrs Patmore stands quickly. Anna takes her arm and they exit.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] Matthew Crawley: Let me get this clear. At Sybil's ball you said you'd give me your answer the day you got back, and now you say you will not. Lady Mary: Why do we have to rush into it? I need to be sure, that's all. Matthew Crawley: But you were sure. Shall I tell you what I think has altered you? My prospects. Because nothing else has changed. Lady Mary: No. Matthew Crawley: Yes! If your mother's child is a boy, then he's the heir and I go back to living on my wits, and you'd rather not follow me there. Lady Mary: Oh, Matthew, you always make everything so black and white. Matthew Crawley: I think this is black and white. Do you love me enough to spend your life with me? If you don't, then say no. If you do, then say yes. Lady Mary: I want to... Granny told me I should say yes now, then withdraw if you lost everything. Matthew Crawley: To make that work, you'd have to be a good liar. Are you a good liar? Lady Mary: Well, not good enough to try it, apparently. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY] Robert, Earl of Grantham: How could you not have realised they'd discover the loss at once? And to keep them in your house... But you only served two years? Mr Bates: That's right, my lord. Robert, Earl of Grantham: So, clearly the judge thought there was some mitigating factor. I just want to know the truth. Mr Bates: I cannot speak of it, milord. You must decide whether I stay or go on the basis of the evidence before you. I will respect that. [Bates holds out Robert's tailcoat and Robert puts it on.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY] Anna: Sorry, I don't believe it. Mr Bates: How can you say that? When I've confessed to the crime? Anna: Well, His Lordship obviously doesn't think that's all there is to it, and I don't either. Mrs Patmore (background): Daisy, have you finished... [Mrs Hughes approaches.] Mrs Hughes: Anna, are you set for the nine o'clock train tomorrow? Anna: All packed and ready. Mrs Hughes: You'll be met at King's Cross by Lady Rosamund's chauffeur, which I think is generous, but after that you're on your own. Right. I must get on. I'm acting referee for Mrs Patmore and Mrs Bird. Mr Bates: Best of luck. [Mrs Hughes chuckles lightly and walks on.] Anna: Will you miss me? [Bates smiles.] Mr Bates: Try not to miss me. It'll be good practice. [Bates leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Mrs Patmore: I expect it'll be hard adjusting to this kitchen after the one you're used to. Mrs Bird: Not to worry, I'm sure I can have it cleaned up in no time. Mrs Patmore: Cleaned up? Mrs Bird: I'm not criticising. With your eyesight, it's a wonder you could see the pots at all. [Mrs Hughes enters.] Mrs Hughes: You'll have met Daisy and the others? Mrs Bird: I have. Though what they all find to do is a mystery to me. Mrs Patmore: Are you not used to managing staff, Mrs Bird? [Anna and Molesley watch the conversation from the kitchen window.] Mrs Bird: I'm used to getting it done with one kitchen maid, Mrs Patmore, but I suppose in a house like this, you expect to take it easy. [Mrs Patmore puts down her baking spoon at that.] Anna: Do you think we should erect a ring and let them fight it out? [Molesley chuckles.] Mr Molesley: She's all right, Mrs Bird. She's more of a general than a trooper, but you need that in a cook. ANNA (chuckles) Well, Mrs Patmore's the Generalissimo. [Molesley laughs.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CRAWLEY HOUSE - DAY] Isobel Crawley: Well, I'm very sad. I thought Mary was made of better stuff. Matthew Crawley: Don't speak against her. Isobel Crawley: Of course, she's taken advice from someone with false and greedy values. Matthew Crawley: Oh, Mother. Isobel Crawley: And we don't have to go too far to know who that is! Matthew Crawley: Mother! Isobel Crawley: I've a good mind to-- Matthew Crawley: You are not to go near Cousin Violet. That is an order. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CORA, COUNTESS OF GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - DAY] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Something's not right about it. Cora, Countess of Grantham: I agree. Having a silver thief in the house does not seem right at all. Even if he could walk. Robert, Earl of Grantham: But Carson isn't keen to get rid of him, either, and he normally comes down on this sort of thing like a ton of bricks. Cora, Countess of Grantham: What's his reasoning? Robert, Earl of Grantham: He blames Thomas and O'Brien. He says they've been working against Bates since he got here. [O'Brien enters in the background.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: So I should sack O'Brien instead? Robert, Earl of Grantham: You'll hear no argument from me. Miss O'Brien: This should do the trick, milady. [Cora is startled. She turns to Robert and sighs in frustration.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COURTYARD - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas and O'Brien take a smoke break.] Miss O'Brien: Ten years of my life that's what I've given her. Ten bloody years Thomas: But did she say she'd sack you? Miss O'Brien: It's obviously what he wants. Thomas: So when will they tell you? Miss O'Brien: When they've found a replacement. Heaven forfend she should have to put a comb through her own hair. And if I'm going, you won't be far behind. Thomas: Oh, so what? Sod 'em. There's a war coming and war means change. We should be making plans. Miss O'Brien: What you talking about? Thomas: Well, put it like this. I don't want to be a footman anymore, but I don't intend to be killed in battle, neither. [Thomas finishes his cigarette and walks back to the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR/KITCHENS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas enters through the back door. Mrs Patmore's whispering to Daisy.] Mrs Patmore: I'm not saying poison them. Just make sure they don't find her food all that agreeable. Daisy: By poisoning it? Mrs Patmore: Will you stop that! Daisy: You don't want it to taste nice. Mrs Patmore: I want them to be glad when I get back. That's all. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. OUTER HALL - DAY] Mr Carson: This will be for the family and the one in my pantry is for the staff. Or, more precisely, me. Mr Bromidge: We don't normally provide two. Mr Carson: Then perhaps we should find another supplier. Mr Bromidge: Hold your horses. Right. Where do you see this other telephone? Mr Carson: Here in the outer hall. [Carson sees Strallan enter through the open front door and he opens the inner door for him.] Sir Anthony Strallan: Good afternoon, Carson. Is Lady Edith in? Lady Edith: I am! [Edith enters.] Lady Edith: I most certainly am. Sir Anthony Strallan: I was just driving past... Lady Edith: Yes? Sir Anthony Strallan: And I thought you might like to come for a spin. If you're not too busy. Lady Edith: Wait till I get my coat. [Sybil enters.] Mr Bromidge: Is it all right if I make some notes? Lady Sybil: I'm so sorry, Mr...? Mr Carson: This is Mr Bromidge, my lady. He's here about the telephone. Lady Sybil: Oh! Please make your notes, dear Mr Bromidge. [Bromidge nods.] Lady Sybil: We're so looking forward to it. What an exciting business to be in. Sir Anthony Strallan: You must be expanding every day. Mr Bromidge: Ah, we are, sir. But, er, that brings its problems. Training up men for the work when many have no aptitude. Ha, I can't even find a secretary who can keep pace at the moment. Lady Sybil: What? Mr Bromidge: It's hard with a new concept. Too old, they can't change. Too young, and they've no experience. Lady Sybil: But have you filled the post yet? Because I know just the woman. Mr Bromidge: Well, she must hurry up. We'll, er, close the list tomorrow night. Lady Sybil: You'll have her application, I promise. [Sybil exits.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LONDON, MOORFIELDS EYE HOSPITAL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A nurse exits the hospital and Anna and Mrs Patmore enter.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LONDON, MOORFIELDS EYE HOSPITAL - DAY] Anna: This isn't bad at all, is it? Mrs Patmore: I don't know. No one told me there'd be an actual operation. Anna: Well, what did you think? They were just going to make magic passes over your eyes? [A doctor enters.] Doctor: All right, Mrs...Patmore? Anna: She'll be fine, thank you. Doctor: And you've been, er, sent to us by the Earl of Grantham? Anna: That's right. Doctor: Very good. You can leave her now. We'll, er, keep her in for a week. You can collect her next Friday. [Anna nods and the doctor leaves and Anna rubs Mrs Patmore's arm.] Anna: I'll be in to visit every day. Mrs Patmore: What about the rest of the time? Anna: Don't worry. [Anna collects her things and opens the door.] Anna: You'll be fine. [Mrs Patmore nods and Anna leaves. Mrs Patmore takes out a handkerchief to try her eyes.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LONDON, PARK - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna strolls through the park.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MILITARY OFFICES - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Anna approaches a military building.] NCO: Bates, you say? Anna: John Bates. He must have left the army about eight years ago. NCO: Wait here, please. [The NCO marches off and solutes to another soldier on his way. Anna sits on a bench to wait.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mrs Bird checks on Daisy's cooking.] Mrs Bird: Have you finished the soup? Daisy: I think so, Mrs Bird. [Mrs Bird leans in to check it.] Mrs Bird: And the sauce for the fish? Daisy: Yes, Mrs Bird. Mrs Bird: Well, then, put them in the warmer. [Daisy rushes nervously to the sink, grabs the soap and a grater and grates it into the soup, checking to make sure no one's looking.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. MILITARY OFFICES - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [The NCO returns with a record book. Anna stands.] NCO: You don't mean John Bates who went to prison for theft? Anna: That's correct. NCO: Well, I know who he is right enough. That was an odd business. Anna: Why "odd"? NCO: Never mind. [The NCO closes the book.] NCO: So you're his cousin and you'd like to be in touch? [Anna nods.] NCO: Very forgiving. Well, I've got no address for him or his wife. But I have got one for his mother, which should still be good. I've written it down for you. [The NCO hands Anna the note.] Anna: Thank you for your trouble. [The NCO nods and marches off.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary waits for Edith to walk by and grabs her arm.] Lady Mary: Is it true you wrote to the Turkish ambassador about Kemal? Lady Edith: Who told you? Lady Mary: Someone who knows that you did. Lady Edith: Then why are you asking? Lady Mary: Because I wanted to give you one last chance to deny it. Lady Edith: And what if I did? He had a right to know how his countryman died. In the arms of a slut. [Edith leaves and Mary is shocked by her words.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING] Violet, Countess of Grantham: How's that advertisement getting on for the new maid? [Thomas takes the tea cup that Violet set down.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Well, it's only just come out. Mr Carson: William and I can manage here now. Go and tell Mrs Bird we'll have our dinner in twenty minutes. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Carson, be sure to say to Mrs Bird the dinner was really delicious. [Carson nods proudly. Cora moves to sit across from Edith. Mary is behind her.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: So, how was the drive? [Edith smiles.] Lady Edith: It was lovely. Only... Robert, Earl of Grantham (background): They are now. When they're in London, at least. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Yes? Lady Edith: Well, he said he had a question for me. He told me he'd ask it at the garden party, and he hopes I'll say yes. [Mary rolls her eyes.] Isobel Crawley (background): Yes, I could. Robert, Earl of Grantham (background): Carson's very wary... Cora, Countess of Grantham: You must think very carefully what our answer will be. Lady Mary: Yes, I should think very carefully about a lot of things. [Edith's smile fades and Mary gets up to move. Matthew watches her.] Isobel Crawley: Do your neighbours have one? Robert, Earl of Grantham: Yes, they do, in London anyway. Matthew Crawley: It seems very wise to get a telephone now. If there is a war, it may be very hard to have one installed in a private house. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Well, let me show you where we're going to put it. Matthew Crawley: Oh. [Matthew and Robert leave. Isobel refuses to look at Violet, whom she's still angry with.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: First electricity, now telephones. Sometimes I feel as if I were living in a--an H.G. Wells novel. But the young are all so calm about change, aren't they? Look at Matthew. I do admire him. Isobel Crawley: Do you? [Violet looks at Isobel and lowers her glass.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: What have I done wrong now? Isobel Crawley: Oh. please. Don't pretend Mary's sudden reluctance can't be traced back to you. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Well, I shall pretend it. I told her to take him. Your quarrel is with my daughter Rosamund, not me. [Isobel finally looks at Violet.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: So, put that in your pipe and smoke it. [Carson is struck by Violet's comment and chuckles.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas takes the wallet out of Carson's coat pocket. Molesley enters and pauses when he sees Thomas.] Thomas: Mr Molesley, what you are after? [Thomas puts the wallet back in the coat.] Mr Molesley: Wanted a word with Mr Carson. I'm here to have my dinner. Thomas: You don't want much, do you? Mr Molesley: What're you doing? Thomas: Mr Carson dropped his wallet in the passage. I was replacing it. [Molesley steps back so Thomas can exit and then closes the door.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert and Matthew sit at the table.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: But everything seemed so settled between you at Sybil's ball. Matthew Crawley: Things have changed since then. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not necessarily. I don't seem to be much good at making boys. Matthew Crawley: Any more than I'm much good at building my life on shifting sands. Robert, Earl of Grantham: You do know I should be very proud to have you as my son-in-law, whatever your prospects. Matthew Crawley: Unfortunately, sir, your daughter is more practical than you. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING] Mr Carson: Will you join us, Mrs Bird. Mrs Bird: I don't mind if I do. Daisy: I'm not sure Mrs Patmore would like that, Mr Carson. Cook always eats separate, that's what she says. Mr Molesley: Not in our house. There's only the four of us. [Thomas approaches O'Brien.] Thomas: Well, you're going any minute. She's advertised for your replacement. Miss O'Brien: That filthy, ungrateful cow. Mrs Hughes: Let the kitchen maids have theirs on their own. You stay with us. [Mrs Bird nods her appreciation and sits at the table while Daisy finishes serving up the soup.] Mr Carson: Her Ladyship said to tell you that the dinner was delicious. Daisy: She can't have. Mr Carson: Daisy? Does that surprise you? [The servants all being eating and realise something's wrong. Mrs Bird spits out her soup and looks at Daisy.] Mrs Bird: What have you done with this, you little beggar? I knew it. That's why I said it was for upstairs. come on! [Mrs Bird bangs her hand on the table and Daisy jumps.] Mrs Bird: Tell us what's in it! Daisy: Just...water and a bit of soap. [The servants all put down their spoons.] Mrs Bird: And you've put something in the fish sauce as well? Daisy: Only mustard and aniseed. [Mrs Hughes stands up enraged.] Mrs Hughes: Why, Daisy? Why would you do such a thing?! [Daisy begins to cry.] Daisy: Because Mrs Patmore was worried that they'd prefer Mrs Bird's cooking and they wouldn't want her to come back. Mr Carson: Is that likely? When they've taken such trouble to get her well? Daisy: I'm sorry. [Daisy continues crying. Mrs Bird stands and goes to comfort her.] Mrs Bird: There, there. There are worse crimes on earth than loyalty. Dry your eyes, and fetch the beef stew I was making for tomorrow. You've not had a chance to spoil that, I suppose. Daisy: I was going to mix in some syrup of figs. [The other servants chuckle.] Daisy: But I've not done it yet. Thomas: Well, at least we'd have all been regular. [Daisy rushes out to fetch the stew as the others continue to chuckle.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] Lady Sybil: Carson said you were here. Mr Bromidge: Ah, just, er, checking that everything's being done right, milady. Lady Sybil: Only we never heard back. That is, Miss Dawson never heard back from you. About an interview. Mr Bromidge: Ah, yes, er, we--we got the young lady's letter. But the trouble is, she didn't have any experience of hard work that I could tell, so... Lady Sybil: Oh, but she's a very hard worker! Mr Bromidge: Oh, I couldn't find any proof of it. And she gave you as a reference when, er, you don't run a business, milady. Well, not that I'm aware of. [Sybil turns to a housemaid passing through the hall.] Lady Sybil: Lily! Can you find Gwen and tell her to come to the hall, now. Lily: Yes, milady. [The maid exits and Sybil turns back to Bromidge.] Lady Sybil: The reason Gwen didn't give any more details is because she works here. As a housemaid. Mr Bromidge: Ah, and you thought that'd put me off? Lady Sybil: But she's taken a postal course and has good speeds in typing and Pittman shorthand. Test her. Mr Bromidge: I will if I like the look of her. [Gwen rushes in.] Mr Bromidge: Ah, so, young lady, you thought I'd turn up my nose at a housemaid. Gwen: I did, sir. Mr Bromidge: Well, my mother was a housemaid. I've got nothing against housemaids. They know about hard word and long hours, that's for sure. Gwen: Well, I believe so, sir. Mr Bromidge: Right, well, is there somewhere we could talk? Lady Sybil: Gwen, take Mr Bromidge to the library. I'll see no one disturbs you. Gwen: Okay. [Gwen precedes Mr Bromidge into the next room and Sybil stands guard in the outer hall as Robert approaches.] Lady Sybil: Sorry, Papa, you can't go in there. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Why on earth not? Lady Sybil: Gwen's in there with Mr Bromidge. She's being interviewed. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I cannot use my library because one of the housemaids is in there applying for another job? Lady Sybil: That's about the size of it. [Robert sighs and walks away. Sybil looks at the library door excitedly.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LONDON, MRS BATES'S HOUSE - DAY] Mrs Bates: So, what is it you want to know? Anna: I want to know the truth about the case against him. I want to know why the sergeant thought it was "odd". I want to know what Mr Bates isn't saying. Mrs Bates: Because you don't believe him to be guilty? Anna: No, I don't. I know he's not. Mrs Bates: Well... You're right, of course. [Mrs Bates hands Anna a cup of tea.] Anna: Then who was it? Who was the thief? Mrs Bates: His wife, Vera. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [William and Gwen stare at the telephone.] William: Who do you call? No one you know has got one. Gwen: But they will have. You'll see. Mr Carson: Might I inquire why my pantry has become a common room? William: Sorry, Mr Carson. But...do you know how it works? Mr Carson: Of course I do. Daisy: Will you show us? Mr Carson: Certainly not! A telephone is not a toy, but a useful and valuable tool. Now, get back to your work. [The servants leave and Mr Carson closes the door and stares at the telephone like the others just were. He picks up the ear piece gingerly and blows into it. Then he leans over and puts his ear to the mouthpiece and blows into the earpiece.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LONDON, MRS BATES'S HOUSE - DAY] Mrs Bates: She worked at the barracks sometimes, and helping at big dinners and so on. That night her opportunity came and she took it. They knew it was her. Someone even saw her with a big carry-all. Anna: But why did he confess? Mrs Bates: (sigh) Well... John wasn't the same man in those days. The African war had shaken him up and made him angry. He'd been wounded, and he drank a lot more than was good for him. Anna: Was he violent? Mrs Bates: No. No, not violent, but he could be hard at times, with a tongue like a razor. He felt he'd ruined Vera's life, Miss Smith. Anna: Do you agree with him? Mrs Bates: No. No, I thought she was a nasty piece of work. But that's why he took the blame. Anna: Surely, if everyone knew he was innocent... Mrs Bates: But he confessed. There was nothing anybody could do once he confessed. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. GREAT HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Thomas escorts Dr Clarkson through the house.] Thomas: Could I ask you something, sir? Only...I get the feeling that a war's on the way. [Thomas hands Dr Clarkson his medical bag.] Dr Clarkson: I'm afraid we all do. Thomas: And when it comes, I want to be really useful to my country. Dr Clarkson: How heartening. Thomas: S--so I've been thinking, what could be more useful than what you do? Bringing people back to health, back to life. Dr Clarkson: I see. Well, erm, we are looking for volunteers to train for the Territorial Force hospitals, if that's what you mean. Thomas: It's exactly what I mean. Dr Clarkson: Will you not be missed here? Thomas: Maybe. But we'll all be going, won't we? The younger men anyway. Dr Clarkson: As you wish. I'll make inquiries. Thomas: Thank you very much, Doctor. [They exit through the outer hall.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson pours a drink for Robert.] Mr Carson: Mr Molesley walked in and there he was, as bold as brass, taking my wallet out of my change coat. Mr Molesley would have no reason to make it up, my lord. He doesn't know Thomas. Why would he lie? Robert, Earl of Grantham: So Thomas has been caught red-handed. Well, we knew he was a thief, didn't we? Mr Carson: And now we have unimpeachable proof. I'm afraid he has to go. Robert, Earl of Grantham: (sigh) I hate this sort of thing. With Lady Grantham's condition and everything. Can we at least wait until after the garden party? Mr Carson: Very well, my lord. But then, I think we must act. [Robert nods.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Mrs Hughes: How long will you wear them? [Mrs Patmore is wearing sunglasses.] Mrs Patmore: A week or so. But I can see much better already, even with them on. [Daisy smiles.] Mrs Hughes: Thank heaven. Now, we need to talk about the garden party. Mrs Bird and I have made some lists... Mrs Patmore: (scoffs) Mrs Bird? Oh, I think we can manage without any help from Mrs Bird. Mrs Bird: Can you? Well, if you want your garden party to be run by a Blind Pugh, that's your business. Mrs Hughes: Mrs Patmore, there's a lot to be done and you're only just up on your feet. We really cannot manage without Mrs Bird. Mrs Patmore: If you say so. Mrs Hughes: Now, I've been checking the stores and I've ordered what you'll need for the baking. Mrs Bird: That's very kind, Mrs Hughes. But, er, I believe we should check the stores when it's convenient. Mrs Hughes: Mrs Bird, at Downton Abbey, the housekeeper manages the store cupboard, but I think you'll find... Mrs Bird: I've never not run my own store cupboard in my life. Separate the cook for the store cupboard? Where's the sense in that? Mrs Patmore: How long have I been saying this, O Lord? Mrs Bird: We're the ones who cook it. We should be the ones to order it. Mrs Patmore: Mrs Bird, I shall be very happy with your help with the garden party. I'm sure we can manage it easily between the two of us. [Mrs Hughes is disconcerted, she fidgets and leaves. Daisy smiles in amusement.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson sits at his desk with the telephone in front of him. He picks up the earpiece correctly and speaks into the phone.] Mr Carson: Hello, this is Downton Abbey. Carson, the butler, speaking. [Carson hangs up the earpiece and considers for a moment. He picks the earpiece back up.] Mr Carson: Hello. This is Mr Carson, the butler of Downton Abbey. To whom am I speaking? [A voice sounds through the earpiece and Carson just about drops it in surprise.] Mr Carson: I'm not shouting! Who are you? Operator: Mrs Gaunt. Mr Carson: Oh, Mrs Gaunt. Operator: What number do you want? Mr Carson: No, I don't want to place a call. [Mrs Gaunt says something we can't hear.] Mr Carson: I was practicing my answer. [Mrs Gaunt says something we can't hear.] Mr Carson: Well, I daresay a lot of the things you do sound stupid to other people! [Carson hangs up.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - DAY] Violet, Countess of Grantham: I've written to your mother. She's very anxious, naturally. She suggested coming over. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oh, God. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Yeah, well, that's what I thought. So I put her off, told her to come and admire the baby. [O'Brien enters.] Miss O'Brien: I'll just go and run Your Ladyship's bath. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Thank you, O'Brien. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh, have you had any answers about the position? Cora, Countess of Grantham: Quite a few. [O'Brien listens from the bathroom.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: So what do they sound like? Cora, Countess of Grantham: There's one I think has real possibilities. She learned to do hair in Paris while she was working for the Ambassadress. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh... Oh, that sounds promising. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LIBRARY - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert is sitting at his desk when the door opens.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Carson, I've been meaning... [Robert looks up.] Anna: You're Lordship. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh. Anna, you're back safely, then? Anna: Yes, thank you, milord. And Mrs Patmore's fighting fit again. Robert, Earl of Grantham: "Fighting fit" is the phrase. Is something the matter? Anna: I wanted to see Your Lordship because... Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please. [Anna walks closer.] Anna: While I was in London, I learned something about Mr Bates. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Not bad, I hope. Anna: No. Not bad at all. I'd have told Mr Carson, but I thought you might like to hear it from me first. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Go on. Anna: You see, I went to call on Mr Bates's mother. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BATHROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Cora is taking her bath.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: O'Brien... how long do you think it takes a lady's maid to settle in? Miss O'Brien: Depends on the maid, milady. Cora, Countess of Grantham: 'Course it does. [Cora drops the bar of soap.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Oops. Sorry. [O'Brien walks over and picks up the soap. A second bar of soap is next to it, but she leaves it there and hands Cora the soap.] Miss O'Brien: The other half's under the bath. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Never mind. Thank you. [O'Brien moves the soap with her foot so it's not under the bath.] Miss O'Brien: I'll just go and sort out your clothes, milady. Cora, Countess of Grantham: Okay. [O'Brien enters Cora's room and pauses when she grabs Cora's dress. She looks at herself in the mirror.] Miss O'Brien: Sarah, O'Brien, this is not who you are. [O'Brien turns back to the bathroom.] Miss O'Brien: Milady, if you could just wait... [Cora shouts as she falls in the bathroom and O'Brien stops.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LORD GRANTHAM'S DRESSING ROOM - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert stares out the window.] Mr Bates: The doctor's gone, Your Lordship, but he's coming back after dinner. Lady Mary's with her now. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Thank you. Mr Bates: I don't suppose you'll want to change. But is there anything else I can do to be useful? [Robert turns to face Bates.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: It was a boy. [Robert begins to cry.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: I'm sorry, I don't mean to embarrass you. Mr Bates: I'm not embarrassed. I just with you could have been spared this. Robert, Earl of Grantham: I know you do. Thank you. By the way, Anna's told me what she learned in London. Mr Bates: Has she? She's not told me. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Oh, well, the good news is you won't be leaving Downton. And I need some good news today. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Miss O'Brien thinks about what she's done.] Mrs Hughes: That poor wee babe. Anna: How's Her Ladyship doing? Mrs Hughes: I'll take her up a tray in a minute, but I daresay she won't touch a bite. William: What about you, Miss O'Brien? [O'Brien looks at him like he can read her thoughts.] Miss O'Brien: What about me? William: It must have been quite a shock. Miss O'Brien: Yes. Yes, it was. [Branson enters] Mr Carson: I think you'd better dine with us, Mr Branson. We can't know if you might be needed later. Branson: Well, I'm to go for the doctor at ten. [Thomas enters.] Thomas: What a long-faced lot. Mr Carson: Kindly show some respect. Thomas: Come on, Mr Carson, she'll get over it. They're no bigger than a hamster at that stage. Mr Bates: Will you shut up? Mrs Hughes: I agree. What is the matter with you, Thomas? Thomas: I don't know. I suppose all this makes me feel claustrophobic. I mean I'm sorry, 'course I am, but why must we live through them? They're just our employers; they're not our flesh and blood. Daisy: Thomas, don't be so unkind. William: Is there nothing left on earth that you respect? Thomas: Hark at him. Blimey, if he carries on like this for the unborn baby of a woman who scarcely knows his name, no wonder he fell to pieces when his old mum snuffed it. [Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson's jaws drop. William bolts out of his chair and punches.] Mr Carson: William! [Everyone stands up from the table as William pushes Thomas onto it and climbs on top of him.] Mr Carson: Thomas! William! Stop that! That is enough! [Neither of them pay Carson any heed. The roll of the table onto the floor and William punches Thomas. Thomas stops the next punch and hits William back. Branson steps in and pulls William off Thomas.] Branson: Calm down. [Carson holds back Thomas and shoves him out of the room.] Branson: He had that coming. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [A string quartet plays for the garden party. Daisy brings a tray of food to the catering tent and Thomas brings them out to the guests, his face bruised from the fight.] Dr Clarkson: Oh, Thomas. [Thomas approaches the doctor.] Dr Clarkson: I've done as I promised. General Burton is commanding the Division at Richmond and I think I may have a place there for you. [Clarkson pulls out some papers.] Dr Clarkson: Under Colonel Cartwright. These are the papers. [Clarkson hands the papers to Thomas.] Dr Clarkson: When you're ready, report to the local recruiting office and they'll take it from there. As a matter of fact, I'm being drafted back in as a captain, so I'll try to keep an eye on you. Thomas: That's very kind of you, Doctor. Dr Clarkson: With any luck, there may be some advantage in your having volunteered so early. [Thomas nods and leaves. William enters the catering tent with empty champagne glasses. Daisy waits with dessert trays.] William: Oh, hang on a minute. Now, give me yours and take this one at the same time. Daisy: William, I'm sorry I've been so unkind to you lately. [They exchange trays.] William: That's all right. Daisy: No, it's not all right. I don't know why I said those things. William: Well, you were under an evil spell. Daisy: Well, I'm not under it any more. William: I'm glad. Daisy: Friends? William: Always friends. [Daisy happily watches him go.] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. KITCHENS - DAY] Mrs Bird: I think we should start the ices now. If you agree, Mrs Patmore. Mrs Patmore: Certainly, Mrs Bird. [The telephone rings and the cooks stop to look.] Mrs Patmore: Oh, my Lord, listen to that. It's like the cry of a banshee. [Branson enters as the phone rings again and he points to Carson's office.] Branson: Mr Carson's telephone is ringing. [The cooks give him a slack-jawed stare.] Branson: Well, isn't someone going to answer it? Mrs Patmore: I wouldn't touch that thing with a ten-foot pole. Branson: Well, I will, then. [Branson enters Carson's office and answer the phone properly.] Operator: Is Mr Carson there? Branson: No, Mr Carson's busy, but can I take a message? [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Branson runs to Sybil where she's talking with Edith and two other ladies.] Lady Edith: I wish ours was. Branson: I've got news, milady! [Branson whispers in Sybil's ear. Sybil covers her mouth as she gasps excitedly.] Lady Sybil: Oh! Sorry. [Sybil rushes off and Branson follows her, to the surprise of Edith and the other ladies. Sybil and Branson run to Gwen, who's carrying a tray.] Lady Sybil: Mr Bromidge has rung! You've done it, Gwen! You got the job! [Gwen gasps excitedly and shoves her tray at another maid.] Gwen: Take it! Take it! [The maid takes the tray and Gwen has a giggling group hug with Sybil and Branson. Mrs Hughes approaches scornfully.] Mrs Hughes: Something to celebrate? [The group hug breaks up to face Mrs Hughes. Branson takes Sybil's hand.] Gwen: I got the job, Mrs Hughes! I'm a secretary! I've begun! Mrs Hughes: I'm very happy for you, Gwen. And we'll celebrate after we've finished today's work. Gwen: Of course, Mrs Hughes. [Gwen sobers and goes back to work. Sybil realises she's holding Branson's hand and he turns to her.] Branson: I don't suppose that... Mrs Hughes: Lady Sybil? Her Ladyship was asking after you. [Sybil leaves. Branson turns to watch her go. He thinks for a moment and is about to leave when Mrs Hughes addresses him.] Mrs Hughes: Be careful, my lad. Or you'll end up with no job and a broken heart. Branson: What do you mean? [Mrs Hughes regards him for a moment and leaves with a small sigh.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Strallan walks with Mary.] Sir Anthony Strallan: I don't seem to be able to find your sister. Lady Mary: I wonder where she is. Of course, she may have been cornered. I know there was some old bore she was trying to dodge. Sir Anthony Strallan: Who was that? Lady Mary: I'm not sure. He's simply ghastly apparently, but he's promised to propose today. I can't tell you how funny she was when she acted it out. She ought to go on the stage. Sir Anthony Strallan: Really? Ah, how amusing. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson watches the party with Mrs Hughes.] Mr Carson: Well done, Mrs Hughes. Beautifully executed, as always. Mrs Hughes: The key is in the planning. [Thomas approaches them.] Thomas: Mr Carson, this probably isn't the moment, but I've just heard from Dr Clarkson I've been accepted for a training scheme. For the army medical corps. Mr Carson: Have you indeed? Thomas: Yes, and I want to do it, so I'll be handing in my notice. I'll serve our the month, of course. Mr Carson: Thank you, Thomas. We can talk about it later. [Thomas leaves.] Mrs Hughes: And you couldn't have planned that any better either. [Mrs Hughes sighs in relief and Carson chuckles.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Edith follows Strallan.] Lady Edith: You can't be leaving yet. Sir Anthony Strallan: I'm afraid I must. Please make my excuses to your mother. [Strallan tips his hat to her. Edith follows him for a moment longer as he walks away.] Lady Edith: But... [Mary watches her. When Edith meets her eye, Mary raises her glass to Edith in mockery.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [O'Brien goes to Cora who is lounging unhappily in the shade of a tent.] Miss O'Brien: I wish you'd come inside, milady. Cora, Countess of Grantham: No. People mustn't think I'm really ill. I don't want to cast a dampener on the party. Miss O'Brien: Very well. But are you are you have everything you need, milady? [O'Brien places a blanket over Cora's legs.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: Dear O'Brien. [Cora takes O'Brien's hands.] Cora, Countess of Grantham: How sweet you are. [O'Brien nods and leaves. Violet rushes to her.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: O'Brien, O'Brien! Can I have a word? I need a favour and I don't want to bother Lady Grantham with it. Miss O'Brien: Certainly, milady. Violet, Countess of Grantham: She's been helping me find a new maid... [O'Brien is surprised.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: ...and we've had quite a few answers from her advertisement. Can you find where she's put them and get Branson to bring them to the Dower House? Miss O'Brien: Her Ladyship was helping you find a new lady's maid? [O'Brien realises her mistake.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: Yes. We should have asked you, really. You might take a look at the letters if you have a minute. There's one we liked the sound of who'd been trained in Paris. [O'Brien is still in shock.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: Do you know where she might have put them? The answers? [O'Brien snaps out of her troubling thoughts.] Miss O'Brien: Oh, yes, milady. There are only two or three places they could be. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Oh, thank you, O'Brien. You're a treasure. Thank you. [Violet leaves.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. GROUNDS, CATERING TENT - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Bates stands there with his cane while Anna brings in a tray.] Anna: I didn't know a garden party was a spectator sport. Mr Bates: Pretty, though, isn't it? Hard to believe the clouds are gathering on a summer's day like this. Anna: Mr Bates, I know you think I was wrong to call on your mother. Mr Bates: I don't think that. She likes you, by the way. Anna: I had to find out the truth. Mr Bates: But you see you don't know the whole truth, not even now. You know my mother's truth. Anna: But not your wife's... Where is she now. Mr Bates: I couldn't tell you. Anna: I better get back. [Anna leaves and Molesley steps up next to Bates.] Mr Bates: Are you here, Mr Molesley? I didn't know that. Mr Molesley: Just helping out. Nice girl, that Anna. Do you know if she's got anyone special in her life? Mr Bates: I'd like to say she hasn't. I would, truly, but I'm afraid there is someone, yeah. Mr Molesley: And do you think he's keen on her? Or is it worth a go? Mr Bates: Well, he keep himself to himself. He's very hard to read at times, but...I'd say he's keen. I'd say he's very keen indeed. [Molesley grimaces and walks on. Mrs Patmore rushes out with a tray.] Mrs Patmore: Daisy! I said ices, not iced cakes! Now, unclog your ears and get these to William before they turn into soup. [Daisy grabs the tray and rushes off while Mrs Patmore returns to the house.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Mary talks with Matthew by a bench.] Lady Mary: But I don't understand, nothing's changed. Matthew Crawley: Everything's changed. Lady Mary: You can't be sure I was going to refuse you, even if it had been a boy. Because I'm not. Matthew Crawley: That's the point. I can't be sure. Of you, or of anything, it seems. The last few weeks have taught me that. Lady Mary: But you can't leave Downton. Matthew Crawley: I can't stay. Not now. Lady Mary: Well, what will you tell Papa? Matthew Crawley: That I'm grateful for what he's tried to do, but the experiment is at an end. I'm not a puppet. I must take charge of my own life again. Lady Mary: Would you have stayed if I'd accepted you? Matthew Crawley: Of course. Lady Mary: So I've ruined everything. Matthew Crawley: You've shown me I've been living in a dream, and it's time to return to real life. Wish me luck with it, Mary. God knows I wish the best for you. [Both of them are on the verge of tears when he leaves. Mary covers her face with her hands and cries.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Violet and Rosamund see Matthew return.] Violet, Countess of Grantham: Well, Rosamund, I'm afraid your meddling has cost Mary the only decent offer she'll ever get. Lady Rosamund: I'm sorry, Mama, but you know me. I have to say what I think. Violet, Countess of Grantham: Why? Nobody else does. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Carson goes to Mary as she cries.] Mr Carson: Are you quite well, my lady? LADY MARY (broken) Of course. You know me, Carson. I'm never down for long. [Mary continues to cry and Carson holds her in his arms.] Mr Carson: I know you have spirit, my lady. That's what counts. It's all that counts in the end. There, there. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Isobel and Violet walk together.] Isobel Crawley: So, Mary is to be denied her countess's coronet after all? Violet, Countess of Grantham: Don't crow at me. I think she was very foolish not to take him when she could. Well, I told her so. Isobel Crawley: Well, if I'm perfectly honest, I wonder if Matthew isn't making the same mistake right now. [They watch Matthew walking alone.] [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY, GROUNDS - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [Robert sits with Cora, holding her hand.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Are you warm enough? Cora, Countess of Grantham: I am when you're holding my hand. [Carson enters with post tray.] Mr Carson: Your Lordship? This has just arrived for you. Robert, Earl of Grantham: Thank you. [Robert stands as he takes it.] Mr Carson: Oh, and I'm happy to tell you that Thomas has just handed in his notice. So we'll be spared any unpleasantness on that score. Robert, Earl of Grantham: What a relief. [Robert places the letter opener back on the tray and Carson leaves. Robert's expression changes to foreboding surprise as he reads the letter. He exits the tent and pulls off his hat to wave everyone's attention.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Please, will you stop, please! [The string quartet stops playing.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: My lords, ladies and gentlemen. Can I ask for silence? [All conversations cease and the servants step out of the catering tent to listen.] Robert, Earl of Grantham: Because I very much regret to announce...that we are at war with Germany. [Everyone stands in shock.]

July-August 1914. Tensions abound following the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria . The family returns from London after Sybil's debutante ball but Mary stays with her aunt, Lady Rosamund Painswick. Cora discovers that she is pregnant making Matthew's inheritance of the estate uncertain should the baby be a boy. Mary learns from Evelyn Napier that it was Edith, not he, who originated the rumours about her and Pamuk. Through Mrs. O'Brien, Carson discovers that while Bates was a soldier, he stole the regimental silver, but after speaking with his mother, Anna learns that it was in fact his wife that stole the silver. Matthew is angered by Mary's hesitancy now that he may not inherit Downton. Anticipating the war, Thomas finds a non-combatant role in the Army Medical Corps. Mary confronts Edith about revealing her secret, implying that she will exact revenge. Learning that Sir Anthony Strallan intends to propose at the garden party, Mary makes him think Edith finds him old and boring, so he leaves. O'Brien thinks Cora intends to replace her and leaves a bar of soap below her bath tub. She regrets it but is unable to warn Cora before she slips, falls, and miscarries. A telephone is installed at Downton, giving Lady Sybil an opportunity to arrange a job interview for housemaid Gwen as a secretary for the phone company. Mary is prepared to marry Matthew but he doubts her motives and intends to leave Downton. During the garden party, Lord Grantham receives a telegram saying the United Kingdom is at war with Germany, marking the beginning of the First World War .

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ACT ONE Scene One - Cafe Nervosa - Evening. Niles is sitting alone at a table at Cafe Nervosa, sadly stirring a coffee as Roz drags in. Two of the cafe staff are sweeping and cleaning at the back tables. Roz: Oh, hey, Niles. Niles: Hey, Roz. Roz: [glumly] God, do you realize how pathetic this is? It's 9:30 on a Saturday night and neither one of us is surprised to see the other one here alone. I've never seen this place looking so grim. Niles: [even more depressed] Oh, this is Mardi Gras compared to half an hour ago, when it was just me and an elderly gentleman who cleaned his teeth with his coffee stirrer, and then put them back in his mouth. Let me get the waitress. [catching the waitress's eye] Roz: Oh God, not her, I hate her. She's in my spinning class at the gym. I've been killing myself trying to take off these last five pregnancy pounds, and nothing! Meanwhile she's down at the snack bar stuffing her face and waving to everybody. She's such a phony. Kit the waitress comes over to the table. Kit: Hi, Roz. Roz: Hey, Kit, you were great in class tonight! Kit: Are you kidding? I've been such an oinker lately. What can I get you? Roz: Oh, a non-fat latte for me. Kit: [leaving] Coming right up. Roz: See what I mean? She's such a fake. Niles: I'm sorry, Roz, I'm afraid I'm not going to be very good company tonight. Roz: Well, whatever your problems are, you'll laugh at them when you hear what I've been through. I had a date tonight. I got halfway down my driveway when he called me on my car phone and cancelled. I was too humiliated to go back in the house and face the sitter, so - don't ask me why - I went to the zoo. You really want to feel good about yourself? Put on your best outfit and walk through the monkey house on a Saturday night. And be sure and stop by and see Remo the baboon, who knows all kinds of ways to have fun without a date. Feeling better about your problem? Niles: Daphne and Donny got engaged yesterday. Roz: Oh my God. Niles: Yeah, and lucky me, I had to sit there and watch, horrified. There wasn't a thing I could to do stop it - much like your monkey house experience. Roz: I am so sorry, Niles. You really did have a worse night than I did. Just then Noel Shempsky enters the cafe and is immediately drawn to Roz. Noel: Hey, Roz! Roz: [miserably to Niles] Oh wait, I'm gaining on you. Noel: Isn't this a splendiferous surprise? So Roz, Dr. Crane - is this a date? Niles: No, just a chance meeting. [to Roz's grimace] Sorry. Noel: So Roz, where is this person you told me you had a date with? Roz: That got cancelled. Noel: [archly] Oh... "cancelled," you say? And here you are, showing up at my regular Saturday night hangout. Will the coincidences never stop? Perhaps you'd care to join me for a late supper? Roz: No, Noel. As I said earlier, I'm really not in the mood. Noel: Playing hard to get, I see. [to Niles, sotto voce] It's all part of the mating dance. Watch and learn. [SCENE_BREAK] BED AND BREAKFAST Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment - The Next Morning. Frasier in his bathrobe ushers in Niles, nattily dressed in a blazer and slacks and carrying his trench coat. Martin, also in his robe, is reading the paper in his Chair. Niles: Morning. Frasier: Ah, Niles. Armani? At eight in the morning on a Sunday? Niles: Yes, yes, I'm having lunch with Maris. Martin: With Maris? Niles: Yeah. We scheduled this weeks ago. She still has some of my first editions, and I thought she might be more amenable to returning them if I took her to her favorite bistro. Frasier: Oh, well then, the worst you're out is a cup of clear broth. Niles: No, this is lunch. She takes her large meal in the evening. I'm sorry to barge in so early, but I had to get out of the Montana. The couple next door were just married and they kept me up all week with their boisterous lovemaking. Why is it when you're by yourself there's nothing but couples in love rubbing it in your face? Faye enters in Frasier's bathrobe and pads over to the table to give him an affectionate kiss. Faye: Good morning! Niles, are you going to join us for breakfast? Niles: [begging off] For breakfast? Well, actually- Faye: Oh, come on, you've got to. I brought some pastries from the restaurant. Martin: I didn't even hear you two come in last night. Frasier: Well, we got in kind of late. We took a long walk after dinner. Faye: Yeah, it was great. [heading out to the kitchen] The streets were deserted, it was all misty out. It was like we were the only two people in town. [goes to the kitchen] Niles: [flipping open his cell phone] I wonder if Maris would rather have breakfast than lunch. Frasier: Oh, Niles, put that down. Martin: Now wait, Frasier, if Niles wants to leave- Frasier: Dad, please, there's no need for Niles to feel awkward. You're here. It's not like he's some third wheel. Bonnie (last seen in [6.12] "Our Parents, Ourselves") comes into the living room in a short bathrobe and perches on the arm of Martin's recliner, putting her arm around him affectionately. Bonnie: Good morning. Martin: Hey! You boys remember Bonnie, from McGinty's? Frasier: Yes, of course. Niles and Frasier rise to greet Bonnie. Bonnie: I was at the Super Bowl party, remember? I brought the ham loaf. Frasier: Well, who could forget? We talked about it long after. Niles: It came up almost daily. Bonnie: Aren't you sweet? [going into the kitchen] I'm just going to get some coffee. Martin: Okay. [to Frasier, after Bonnie leaves] You could have told me you were having Faye over. Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't realize you were seeing Bonnie. Martin: Yeah, I see her from time to time. You got a problem with Bonnie? Frasier: Well, no. Martin: Because if you're bringing it up, you know, I have second thoughts about Faye. I liked the other one you were seeing, Cassandra. She was a dish! Frasier: I don't care. I prefer Faye. I had to make a choice, no matter how much fun it was dating two beautiful women. Niles: This morning just gets better and better. Bonnie: [coming in with Faye, each bearing a loaded tray] Who wants coffee and pastry? Niles: Nothing for me, thanks. Faye: Are you sure? I make a mean nutcake. Niles: [rising to get his coat] No, that's all right, I'm meeting one for lunch. Frasier: So, Bonnie, I see you've met Cassandra. Faye: Who? Frasier: Oh, Lord, I'm sorry. Faye! Faye: Who's Cassandra? Frasier: Uh, my... Aunt Cassandra. Yes, that must be the-the connection. See, you remind me a bit of her. She was an angel, wasn't she, Dad? Martin: Oh, Cassandra? Great gal. I wish she was around. Eddie comes in and jumps up on the couch. Bonnie: Ah, Eddie, good morning. I'll bet you can't wait to meet Lady. Martin: Yeah, we're getting Eddie together with Bonnie's poodle. We figure if we hit it off, maybe something will happen for them. Even dogs deserve happiness! Niles: [having had enough] Okay, well, I'll be off. Bonnie: [pointing to Niles's blazer] Oh, hold on, you've got a loose button right there. Niles: No, no, it's all right. Bonnie: No, it's about to come off. Niles: No- Bonnie: [pulling off the button] See? Here, I'll sew it back on for you. [pulling the blazer off a reluctant Niles] I've got needle and thread. You don't want to lose it, do you? Niles: I'm trying not to. Frasier, I have to get out of here! Frasier: [guiding Niles to a chair] Now Niles, listen, just relax. There's no cause for an anxiety attack. Just then Donny and Daphne enter from her room in their bathrobes. Donny: Good morning! Niles begins to gasp for air. Frasier: [handing him the empty pastry bag] Breathe into this! [Niles waves it off] Martin: I didn't know you two were going to be here last night. Why doesn't somebody say something? Donny: Well, we planned on going to my place, but we ended up going to a little piano bar just around the corner from here. Daphne: Such a charming spot. So intimate. And to top it off, the piano player knew all my favorite songs - "Yesterday", "As Long As He Needs Me," "Climb Every Mountain." Frasier: Well, you threw him some real curves there. Donny: [to Faye] Hi, I'm Donny Douglas, and I'm... in love. Daphne: Listen to him. He embarrasses me like that at least ten times a day. And I just can't get enough of it. [kisses Donny] Niles begins gasping again and heads over toward the couch, where Bonnie is still working on his blazer. Niles: How we coming on the button? Bonnie: I've almost got the needle threaded. Niles gasps deeper and looks to Frasier for rescue. Frasier: All right! You know, if anybody's hungry, we've got plenty of goodies here from Le Cigare Volante. Cassandra's the pastry chef there. Faye: She is? I thought I was. Frasier: I'm so sorry! God, I did it again. I guess I must have her name on my mind. Faye: Well, that's okay. Just try to remember mine. Frasier looks blank. Faye: Faye! Frasier: Faye! Oh, Faye... Donny: You know, I'm kind of glad this worked out the way it did. Neither Daphne nor I has any family here in Seattle. You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to make this our engagement breakfast. There are sentimental oohs and ahhs all around. Niles's "ahh" looks suspiciously like a repressed scream. Donny: Surrounded by friends who treat us like family. And I'd like to dedicate it to the woman who's filled my life with a joy I never thought I'd find. Niles is really gasping now. Everyone else clinks coffee cups and murmurs "hear, hear." Bonnie: Ah, Marty, I think I'm gonna cry. Martin: Ah, jeez... Faye: [admiring Daphne's hand] Oh my God, look at that ring. Daphne shows her ring to Bonnie and Faye as Niles faints, falling off his chair, unnoticed by anyone. [SCENE_BREAK] END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Scene One - The Radio Station - A Few Days Later Frasier is signing off as Roz listens from the booth. Frasier: That's it for today. This is Dr. Frasier Crane saying goodbye, and good mental health. He punches the button and takes off his headphones. Frasier: Nice job there, Roz. Could you please try to find some callers that have real psychological problems? Roz: Your dad's on Line 2. Frasier: I meant during the show, thanks. [picking up the phone] Yeah, Dad, hi. What, again? Oh, that's the third time he's cancelled this week. You know, he's been so lonely you'd think he'd be glad for my company. Well, all right, no matter. I guess I'll see you home in a while. Oh, I don't know, later. Oh, maybe an hour, two hours, I don't know! Oh, for God's sake, well just hang a tie on the door if you're so worried about it! [hanging up] Roz comes into the studio. Roz: Is everything okay, Frasier? Frasier: Yeah, Roz. I was thinking about something. You know, it's funny how loneliness can make people behave in strange ways. Roz: [looking guilty] What do you mean? Frasier: Oh, you know, do things that are sort of rash, and act out of character. Roz: Oh God, I knew someone would find out about it! Who told you? Did he tell you? I'll kill him! Frasier: Roz! Roz: [panicked] Oh please, Frasier, don't tell anybody else! Oh, I beg you! It was one night, one lonely, stupid night! Frasier: What are you talking about? Roz: You don't know? Frasier: No! What happened? Roz: [covering, trying to leave] Nothing, I'll see you tomorrow. Frasier: [stopping her] Roz! Stay right here. Now you listen to me, I am your friend, you know that. I would never judge you. Now, just how... stupid and lonely were you? Roz: It's the last person I ever would have dreamed of. Noel passes by and knocks on the glass, gazing fondly at Roz for a moment before moving on. Roz waves to him distractedly and continues talking, but Frasier leaps to the obvious conclusion. Roz: I guess I haven't been dating much lately and I just I've been so lonely. Frasier: Oh my God! You've slept with Noel. Roz: [utterly disgusted] NO! Oh, how could you even think such a thing! Frasier: All right, just tell me. Who was it? Roz: Nobody. It doesn't matter. It's over. It was a mistake and I just want to forget it ever happened. She flees to her booth, Frasier in hot pursuit. Frasier: Roz, Roz, listen, we've all been there. Come on. You were just looking for a little comfort. It's all right. No reason to beat yourself up about it. Bulldog comes into the booth and greets Roz with genuine affection, trying to hug her. Bulldog: Hey, baby, I'm sorry I had to skip out before breakfast. Roz: [breaking away from him] Oh, Bulldog! Frasier: Bulldog?! Roz: Bulldog. Bulldog: [raising his fists in victory] Bulldog! Roz: Oh, Frasier, swear you won't tell anybody else! Bulldog: [patting her on the rear] So you told the doc, eh? Guess you just had to brag, huh? [as she hits him] Hey, I don't blame you. I told a few guys myself. Roz: Oh God, oh God, oh God! Bulldog: Gee, where have I heard that before? Frasier: [retreating hastily] I'll just leave you two alone. Roz: [attempting to follow him] I'm right behind you. Bulldog: Gee, where have I heard that before? He corners her, but she gets away from him and tries to go out the door. He closes it and blocks her path. He plays with the front of her sweater teasingly as she confronts him angrily. Roz: Stop that! Look, Bulldog, last night was a mistake. I will regret it for the rest of my life, and if you ever bring it up again, I promise you you'll regret it. Bulldog: Hey... He backs her up against the door and kisses her. She hits him several times, each time more weakly. They break the clinch, breathing heavily. Bulldog: Your place tonight? Roz: Ten o'clock. Use the service elevator. Bulldog barks as Roz flees the studio. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Two - Frasier's Living Room - That Afternoon Daphne is cleaning the living room as Donny lounges on the couch, eating Chinese food from carryout cartons and dictating into a recorder. Daphne is wearing a rubber glove on her left hand and is furtively looking around the floor for something. Donny looks askance at her. Daphne: How's the speech coming along? Donny: Oh, it's almost finished. [resuming his dictation] "So though you are graduating today, your learning has just begun-" [squirming on the couch] There's something under the cushions back here. Daphne: What, you found something? Donny: [reaching behind the cushion] Oh, it's a cell phone. Daphne: [disappointed] Oh. Donny: [handing it to her] Is this Frasier's? Daphne: No, he had his when he left for work this morning. Must be his brother's. I'll tell him the next time he's over. [leaving] I'm... going to finish tidying up the kitchen. Frasier enters through the front door. Frasier: Hello, all. Donny: Hey, Frasier. Frasier: [eyeing Donny's gym shoes and cartons on the suede couch] Hello, Donny. I hope I didn't come home at an inconvenient moment. Donny: No, your timing's perfect, actually. One eggroll left. He tosses Frasier an eggroll, which Frasier catches. Donny: Nice hands. Frasier: Yes, they were. Daphne comes in and continues looking around the living room furtively as she hands Donny a glass. Daphne: Here's your drink. Donny: Oh, thanks. [to Frasier] Isn't she great? Takes me on a three mile run and then feeds me diet soda. [eating another eggroll] I thought I'd hate healthy living, but you know, it ain't so bad. Frasier: Daphne, why are you wearing that rubber glove? Daphne: What, this? I was, um... doing the dishes. Frasier: With just one? Daphne: [inventing] It's the English way. You wash with the left, dry with the right. Started during the war, I think, when rubber was rationed. Frasier: Oh, yes. Daphne: Can I see you in the kitchen, Dr. Crane? Frasier: Yes, of course. Let me just call Niles first. He cancelled on me again today. But Donny has beat Frasier to the phone. Donny: Oh, I'll just be a second here. I just have to check up on a case I'm finishing. Poor b*st*rd, I'm really taking him to the cleaners. Frasier: Well, perhaps you'd be so kind as to bring the couch along. Reset to: Kitchen Frasier follows Daphne into the kitchen. Frasier: Yes, Daphne? Daphne: I'm afraid a terrible thing has happened. I've lost my engagement ring. Frasier: Well, where was the last place you saw it? Daphne: That's just it, I've searched everywhere! I'm terrified Donny'll find out. Frasier: Daphne, you can't go around hiding your hand forever. You're gonna have to tell him. He's a reasonable man, he'll understand. Daphne: I suppose you're right. She pulls off her rubber glove, but Donny comes into the kitchen on the cordless phone and she dives toward the refrigerator. Donny: [on the phone] You're negligent, pal! You're criminally irresponsible, you were careless, and you're going to pay for it! Yeah! [hanging up and tossing the cordless phone to Frasier] Here you go, boss. Frasier: Thank you. Donny: Hey, Daph? Daphne emerges from the refrigerator with her left hand inside a raw chicken. Daphne: [nonchalantly] Yes, love? Donny: What are you doing? Daphne: Oh, I'm just stuffing the bird for Dr. Crane's dinner. She lays the chicken on a cutting board and sprinkles pepper on it. Donny: Oh. Listen, unfortunately I'm going to have to work late. I'm going to just pop in the shower and then I'll have to leave. Daphne: [seasoning the bird] Oh, I'm sorry. Donny: Oh, that's okay. Absence just makes the heart grow fonder. He pulls her into a kiss and she hugs him, her hand still inside the chicken. He heads off toward Daphne's room as Frasier speed-dials the phone. Frasier: You know, Daphne, if that ring never turns up, that chicken works, too. Just see how it catches the light. Daphne: Oh, stop it! I'm just going to go have a look in the bedroom. She extracts her hand and leaves. Frasier talks on the phone as he replaces the chicken in the refrigerator and washes his hand. Frasier: Hello? Niles? [leaving a message] It's Frasier. Yes, listen, I've tried you at your office, I've tried you at home, now I'm calling your cell phone. If I don't reach you now I'm actually going to get very worried about you. He stays on the phone in the kitchen as Martin comes in the front door and hears Niles's cell phone ringing on top of the bookcase. He hobbles over to answer it. Martin: Hello? Frasier: Yes, hello, is Niles Crane there, please? Martin: Uh, I don't know, I just got here. Let me go check. He puts the cell phone down and looks around, then goes into the kitchen, where Frasier is still on the portable phone. Martin: Frasier, have you seen Niles? Frasier: I'm just trying to reach him, Dad. Martin: Oh, okay. Martin goes back into the living room and retrieves the cell phone. Martin: No, I'm sorry, he's not here, but I'll write your name down and give it to him. Wait a minute, I've gotta find a pen. He puts the phone down again and goes into the kitchen. Martin: Frasier, have you seen my- Frasier: Dad, please, I'm on the phone! Martin: Well, I'm sorry, I was just looking for a pen! Forget it. He goes back to the living room as Frasier realizes what's going on. He follows Martin. Martin: [on the phone] Hello? Listen, could you maybe call back in an hour? Frasier: Dad? Martin: Would you mind, please? I'm on the phone! Frasier: [into his phone] Dad, it's me. Martin: [realizing] Frasier, why did you call from the kitchen? You could have just walked in here! Frasier: Just hang up the phone. [Martin does] For God's sake, it must be Niles's cell phone. Gee, that's strange. He's never without that phone. Martin: Huh. Frasier: And what's more, he's been avoiding me for the last three days. Martin: Oh, cut him a little slack. Seeing the six of us the other morning couldn't have done much for his mood. He's probably just gone off somewhere to be by himself. Frasier: Well, I just hope he hasn't done something foolish. Remember he was having brunch with Maris on Sunday. Martin: Oh, that was just business. Frasier: Well, you know, Dad, he is broken-hearted. People in his condition have a tendency to run back to their exes. A lonely man clinging to an available warm body. Well, of course in Maris's case, that's just an expression. Martin: He just spent two years divorcing her. He's not going to go back to her. Frasier: Yeah, I hope you're right. Say, didn't you have plans today with Bonnie? Martin: Oh, it was cut short. We had an incident. Frasier: Really? What happened? Martin: Oh, we took the dogs to this park near Bonnie's, and I knew there'd be a little sizing each other up and everything. But this poodle of hers, Lady - which she ain't! - walks right up to Eddie, knocks him over and then sits her big French butt right on his head. Frasier: You're kidding. Martin: No. And the worst thing was, he just lay there whimpering and took it. And Bonnie, she thought it was really cute. I mean, what kind of a person likes to see a dog humiliated? Frasier: Dad, may I remind you that not a holiday goes by that you don't dress that dog up in some sort of ridiculous hat? Martin: Hey, there's nothing wrong with those hats. He looks good in hats. He's got a hat face! He follows Frasier into the kitchen. Martin: Well, he was probably just intimidated being over in Lady's park, you know. Wait'll he gets over to this side of town. He owns that park. Even the big dogs are scared of him. Frasier: That's because they've seen him in his hats and they think he's crazy! Niles's cell phone rings on the counter. Frasier goes to answer it. Frasier: It's Niles's cell phone. [answering] Hello? Niles Crane's... phone. Yes, it's his brother. I'll be glad to tell him. Thank you. He hangs up, looking vindicated. Martin looks on curiously. Frasier: Well. That was St. Pierre jewelers. The diamond earrings Niles ordered are ready. Martin: Diamond earrings? Frasier: Uh-huh. From Maris's favorite jeweler. You know what, he's obviously too afraid to tell us that he's run back to her. Martin: Now stop that, you're scaring me. He doesn't have to be with Maris. Maybe he's hurt, maybe he's in the hospital or something. Frasier puts on his trench coat and hands Martin his jacket. Martin doesn't budge out of his chair. Frasier: We've got to track him down and talk some sense into him. I'll tell you what, we'll head over to the Montana, and if he's not there, we'll go to Maris's. Martin: Well, I don't want to go to Niles's and I sure as hell don't want to go to Maris's! Frasier: Dad, this is not about what you or I want, this is about what Niles needs! For God's sakes, the man is devastated, he's vulnerable. We need to rally around him and show him our support. Martin: [giving up and following Frasier out the door] Well, why didn't we just do this on Sunday? Frasier: We had our girlfriends over! [SCENE_BREAK] Scene Three - The Montana - Hallway Outside Niles's Apartment Frasier rings the bell as Martin hangs back. Frasier: Dad, what are you doing back there? What are you so worried about? Martin: Well, what do you think? Running into Maris. You know how angry she gets. I just wish we had a sharp stick or a heavy net or something. Niles opens the door in his dressing gown, looking tousled and sleepy. Frasier: Niles! Niles: Yes? Frasier: Niles, where have you been? You haven't been answering any of my calls. Niles: Oh, Frasier, I am so sorry. I'll call you tomorrow. He tries to shut the door, but Frasier holds it open. Frasier: No. I want to talk to you right now. Niles: Well, I can't. I'm, I'm... [meaningfully] entertaining, so off you go. Martin: [vehemently, pushing his way inside] No, we're not leaving without you, so put on your shower shoes and a coat and let's get out of here. Niles: What is wrong with you? Frasier: [following Martin in] Niles, I know how difficult the last three weeks have been for you. I'm sorry, you are making a big mistake. This is NOT the way to handle it. Niles: So - you know what's going on? Martin: Yes, Niles! Frasier: How did this whole thing even get started? Niles: Well, we had an impromptu coffee at the Caf Nervosa, and that led to a movie, and that led to dinner, and ever since then we've been practically inseparable [smiling] and to tell you the truth, we're kind of happy about it. [Frasier and Martin look disgusted] How do you even know about this? Frasier: [handing him his cell phone] Your jeweler called. Your diamond earrings are ready. Niles: Oh, well, thank you for the message. Now go away! Frasier: No! Niles, we're not going anywhere. You may consider this a full-blown intervention. We're not leaving until you have got some self-respect back! Kit comes dashing down to the upstairs landing in a fit of enthusiasm and a fetching red silk pajama top, clearly one of Niles's. She looks like Meg Ryan with long curly hair. Kit: Niles! You know what we should do tonight? [seeing Frasier and Martin] Oh, hi. [going right on] Build a fire and make s'mores. Frasier: You might also want to get some graham crackers. Kit: [coming down to the living room and putting her arms around Niles] I'm sorry, I didn't know we had company. Niles: No, no, that's okay. Kit, this is- Kit: [pointing at Frasier] No, wait, I know you from the cafe. Cappuccino, light foam. [to Martin] And you too. Coffee, black, nothin' fancy! Frasier and Martin are charmed and relieved. Niles: [hugging her in delight] Isn't that good? Kit, this is my father, Martin, and my brother, um... [thinking] Frasier. Frasier: How do you do? Kit: Really? [looking at Niles] Oh, I see it. Cool! Frasier: You know, this is sort of a surprise, I guess. We didn't expect to see the two of you together. Kit: [with her arms around Niles] Oh, I had my eye him from the minute I saw him. He's always so neatly put together. I just couldn't wait to mess him up! She musses his robe playfully. Niles is a little startled but flattered. He's digging this in a big way. Niles: And mission accomplished! Frasier: So, Niles, you haven't seen Maris then since Sunday? Niles: [catching on and grinning smugly] Oh, is that who you thought I was here with? That's funny. No wonder you were upset. Kit: Who's Maris? Niles: My ex-wife. Kit: Well, if you want to see her too, that's cool. I told you, no strings. [rubbing his face seductively] Just fun. Martin: [grinning broadly] You always want your kids to have more than you had. Frasier grimaces jealously as we FADE OUT.

Niles has been having a difficult time recently, being surrounded by happy couples: Frasier and Faye; Daphne and Donny; and now Martin and Bonnie, a waitress from McGinty's. He meets Roz late one Saturday in Café Nervosa , and she has also had a bad day; her date cancelled earlier, and she resents the waitress serving them, whom she knows from the gym . The next day, Frasier is surprised to discover that she gave into her loneliness and slept with Bulldog, and is now mortified with embarrassment. Later on, Daphne confides in him the awful truth that she has lost her engagement ring , and is trying to conceal the fact from Donny. Niles apparently goes missing, not answering any phone calls, and Frasier and Martin suddenly panic in case he, also driven by loneliness, has gone back to Maris . They hasten to the Montana, only to discover that he is with Kit ( Jessica Cauffiel ), the waitress from Café Nervosa whom Roz dislikes. Roz, incidentally, seems unable to resist the temptation to sleep with Bulldog again, but when he refers to her as his girlfriend, she is repulsed by the idea. However, she cannot bear to tell him this after he announces that KACL has fired him. The Crane couples start to have problems: Frasier keeps calling Faye Cassandra by mistake; Martin is annoyed by the way Bonnie's poodle , Lady, dominates Eddie. Niles seems happy with Kit, even if his uncharacteristic new leather jacket and use of youthful slang terms like "buzz-kill" mystify his brother. In reality, the lifestyle does not suit him.

fd_Charmed_04x19

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[Scene: The underworld. Cole, a dark priest and four guards walk into a large dark room. Dozens of torches are lit around the walls and a book is sitting in the middle of the room on a stand.] Dark Priest: The unique guard will take their places along the aisle. Then precisely at midnight we'll begin the ritualistic chant. And then you will be escorted in for the ceremony. (The priest walks over to the book and opens it up.) Cole: It's been a while hasn't it? Priest: Five hundred years give or take a decade. (He turns to a page which reads "Votum Sanguinis".) Ah, here it is. The oath. Upon completion of the oath, you will be given the full powers of the underworld. Cole: Will I feel different after? Priest: Perhaps. Those that came before you described it feeling it being... complete. Cole: Have any of them been half human? Priest: No. This is a first. Now it's time for you to begin your preparations. Your guards will show you to the vestibule. Guard #1: This way. (Cole and the guards walk down a corridor. A wizard hides behind a rock, watching them. As they pass, the wizard comes out from behind the rock and taps his staff twice on the ground. A clone of guard #1 appears beside him.) Wizard: Arrest me. [Cut to the large room. The priest bookmarks the page with a ribbon and closes the book. Guard #1 pulls the wizard into the room.] Priest: What's going on? Guard #1: Found him outside. (The priest walks over to the wizard.) Priest: A wizard. Well, well. Aren't you supposed to be extinct? Wizard: One of us is alive and well. Priest: Not for long. Did you really think you could stop the coronation all by yourself, wizard? Wizard: I didn't come for the coronation. I came for the revenge. (The wizard hits the priest between the legs with his staff. He falls the floor. The priest uses telekinesis and the wizard flies across the room.) Priest: (to clone guard #1) What's the matter with you? Stop him! (The guard just stands there. The wizard tries to grab the book and the priest uses telekinesis and it slides away from him. The real Guard #1 runs in.) It's an illusion. (The wizard and the clone guard disappear. Cole and three other guards run in.) Cole: What the hell is going on here? [Scene: An elevator. Piper and Paige are there, on their way to Phoebe's apartment.] Paige: Cole's a demon again, that is what's going on. Piper: Do you want us to lose a sister, because that's exactly what's gonna happen if you blurt it out like that. Besides, we only know that Cole is dealing with demons, not that he is a demon. Paige: If he looks like a demon and walks like a demon... Piper: That's ducks, that's not Phoebe's husband. The love of her life, her best friend... Paige: Alright, I get your point, woman. Piper: Look, this isn't gonna be easy for her to hear, especially since she's happier than she's ever been. (The elevator opens and they see Phoebe standing near the window.) Paige: Or not. Phoebe: Hi. Come on in. Piper: Phoebe, what's the matter? You look... Phoebe: Terrible? Yeah, I haven't slept in a couple of days. Piper: Why? What's the matter? Phoebe: Uh, you guys should probably sit down. Paige: That's funny, we were just coming to ask you to do the same thing. (Piper and Paige sit at the table.) Phoebe: Okay, so, what I'm about to tell you is really big. We're talking huge. Paige: See, she knows. Phoebe: Knows what? Piper: Uh, you tell us. Phoebe: Uh, okay, I-I'm, uh... I'm pregnant. Piper: You're what? Paige: Oh my god, from Cole? [Cut to the underworld. Cole cuts the head off Guard #1.] Cole: (to another guard) Find the wizard or you're next. Opening Credits [Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Piper, Phoebe and Paige are there.] Phoebe: I don't even understand how this could've happened. We were being so careful. It's the last thing I expected right now. Paige: (to herself) Just wait. Piper: Does Cole know? Phoebe: No, not yet. I should've told him, I know, but I didn't know how to. Besides, I don't want him to think that I'm not happy about it. Piper: Are you? Phoebe: I don't know. I mean, part of me is obviously. I love Cole. But then there's another part of me that's scared to death. I mean, there' so many changes and it's all happening so fast. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Piper: Oh, honey, you should've told us when you found out, and then you wouldn't have to go through it alone. Phoebe: I know, but I wasn't sure how you would feel about it. Piper: Me? Why? Phoebe: Because I know how hard you and Leo have been trying. Piper: Oh, honey, this doesn't have anything to do with me, it has everything to do with you. And-and I'd be thrilled to be an aunt. Don't worry about me. Paige: So when are you gonna tell Cole? Phoebe: I don't know. He's got so much on his plate right now, you know, with starting his new job and everything. Paige: You're gonna have a lot on your plate too, more than you realise. Piper: Yeah, like how many hours he's gonna be working and that he's not gonna be home a lot. Paige: That's not what I'm talking about, Piper. Phoebe: What do you mean, Paige? Piper: It can wait. (They hear the elevator.) Phoebe: Oh, god, that's Cole. He can't know I told you before I told him. Hurry, outta here, orb. Paige: I thought Cole had a no orbing policy. Phoebe: No, he doesn't want you orbing in, he doesn't mind you orbing out. Piper: Now. (Paige orbs out with Piper. Cole walks in.) Phoebe: I thought you were at work. Cole: I thought you were in bed. Are you feeling better? Phoebe: Much. Thanks. Well, I gotta go, baby, you know, deadlines. Cole: But I got you something to eat. Phoebe: Sorry. I'll call you later. (Phoebe grabs her bag and heads for the elevator.) Cole: Phoebe, what's wrong? Phoebe: Why? What makes you think there's something wrong? Cole: Because every time you lie I can see your wisdom teeth. Phoebe: We'll talk tonight. Cole: Phoebe... Phoebe: Please, Cole, not now. (The elevator door opens and Phoebe walks in.) Cole: I'm worried. Phoebe: Well, don't be. Cole: Well, I am, damn it. What's the matter? Phoebe: I'm pregnant. Cole: You're what? Phoebe: We'll talk later. (The elevator doors close.) Cole: I'm gonna be a daddy. [Cut to the manor. Parlor. Piper and Paige are there. Leo orbs in.] Leo: What is the emergency? Piper: Phoebe is pregnant. Leo: What? Really? Paige: Yeah, I think she deserves to know she's carrying a demon child, don't you? Piper: You don't know if Cole is a demon. Paige: You don't know he's not. Piper: Well, okay, we'll do some more digging and-and we'll find some solid proof. Paige: No, I think she deserves to know now, Piper. Piper: She doesn't need the stress, Paige. Paige: Even if she's in danger? Piper: Cole would never hurt her. He couldn't even hurt her when he was a demon. Paige: Are you willing to bet her life on it? Leo: Okay, do you want my advice or don't you? Paige: Depends on what side you're on. And if you take hers, it better not be because you're sleeping with her. Wizard: Help! (The wizard appears.) Piper: Whoa. Wizard: Please, you've gotta help me. Piper: Help you? Who are you? (A guard appears and throws an energy ball at the wizard, vanquishing him. Piper blows up the guard.) Wh-? What an idiot. Doesn't every demon know by now who's house this is? (The wizard appears in the conservatory.) Wizard: Not every demon. Fortunately for me. Paige: But he just vanquished you. Wizard: No, not me. An illusion. One of my little tricks. Comes in handy for saving my life and what not. Leo: You're a wizard? Wizard: In the flesh, for lack of a better term. Piper: Wait a minute, you just tricked us into vanquishing one of your enemies. Wizard: My enemies are your enemies. Paige: Says you. Leo, friend or foe? Leo: I don't know, I've never met a wizard before. Only heard about them. Wizard: Please, give me a little credit. (He walks into the living room and they follow.) Why would I seek out the Charmed Ones if I were evil? Piper: Okay, look, you need to stand still or you're gonna go poof like your friend in there. Wizard: Oh, you're the touchy one aren't you? I've heard about you. Peeper? Piper: Piper. Wizard: Whatever. Leo: What do you want? Wizard: Revenge. On the Source. For slaughtering my kind centuries ago. And for that I'll need your help. Piper: Well, maybe you haven't heard. There's a new Source. The old one is dead. Paige: Yeah, we already kicked his sorry ass. Wizard: He didn't die. He was reborn into a new sorry ass. Wait, that didn't come out right. Piper: Are you kidding me? After everything we went through, he found an escape hatch? (The wizard taps his staff twice on the floor and a whole cooked chicken appears. He pulls off a drumstick and starts eating it.) Wizard: Our only chance to stop him will be tonight before he receives his full powers at the coronation. Paige: Tonight? How do we do such a big job in such short notice? Wizard: We'll steal the Grimoir. Paige: Oh, what's that? Leo: Evil Book of Shadows. Wizard: The Source has to lay his hand on the book as he says the oath, otherwise he doesn't get his powers. Piper: So we steal a little book and we stop the Source? What's the catch? Wizard: The catch is it's protected in a secret chamber by his best guards. Now, I know how to get there but I can't fight them alone. What do you say? Partners? (Piper freezes him.) Piper: I so don't trust him. Leo: Alright, I'll check with the Elders, see what they know. You better get Phoebe. In case he's right, you're gonna need the power of three. (Leo orbs out.) Piper: I'll go get her. Paige: No, no, you've got the fire power, you stay here, I'll go. Piper: Alright, but no spilling the beans on Cole. Not until we decide to. Paige: Scouts honour. (Paige leaves. Piper unfreezes the wizard.) Piper: Just so you know, one false move and you're toast. (The wizard thinks for a moment and then taps his staff. The drumstick turns into a piece of toast.) Wizard: Got any jam? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Cole is looking at a baby shopping website on his laptop. The website is playing a lullaby for its background music. Cole is humming along.] Julie's Voice: Is the witch home? Cole: Uh, no. (Julie shimmers in.) Julie: Good. I thought you'd like an update. As you ordered, the priests have stepped up security on the grimoir. So far the wizard has been our only breech. What is that dreadful music? Cole: Oh, uh, nothing. (He turns it off.) Julie: Baby shopping, sir? Cole: (happily) Yes, as a matter of fact I was. Phoebe's pregnant. Julie: Oh. That's wonderful news, but I don't understand why you're... Cole: Oh, just keeping up appearances, you know. Try to act like any normal father-to-be. For Phoebe. Julie: But Phoebe's not here. Cole: Is there anything else you need to update me on? Julie: May I speak handedly? I'm worried about you. I'm worried that the witch's influence on you is too great. That the baby will make the pull of love even greater. Cole: Oh, if you're worried about the coronation. Julie: I'm worried about after the coronation. The next nine months to be exact. When the bond between you and Phoebe will grow. And your whole humanity within will weaken, unless... Cole: Unless? Julie: Unless you allow the Seer to perform her dark magic. Allow me to carry your baby. Cole: What? Julie: You won't need the witch anymore. I can be your queen. Cole: Are you out of your mind? Julie: I am trying to save you. The underworld will not tolerate a leader who's conflicted any sign of weakness and you're not gonna survive. Cole: Are you threatening me? Julie: I'm reminding you. Of your future, your destiny. Neither of which include the witch. (Julie shimmers out. Cole bangs the laptop down on the glass table, shattering it.) [Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. She's on the phone.] Phoebe: Yes, of course I am aware that there is a deadline but Elise threw my column out at the last minute. Oh, oh, how hard can it be to write an advice column? Let me show you how hard. (She slams the phone down and knocks off her cup of coffee. Paige walks in.) Paige: Bad time? Phoebe: Yes. Uh, no, whatever. What is it? Paige: Uh, well, we, uh, we need the power of three. Phoebe: What? Now? Can't it wait? Paige: Cliff notes version, we didn't kill the Source like we thought, he was just reborn. And now if we don't help a wizard stop him from getting coronated tonight, he becomes all powerful. Shall we? Phoebe: So let him get coronated. Paige: Sorry? Phoebe: Well, why not? What's the worse that can happen? Paige: Uh, besides all hell breaking loose on earth? What's wrong with you? Phoebe: I don't know. I'm just, I'm having a really bad day right now. Okay, uh, I'll meet you at the manor but I have to find Cole first and fill him in. Paige: No, you don't need to do that. Besides, he's so busy being Mr. Hot Shot lawyer guy and all. Phoebe: Okay, Paige, what's your problem with Cole now, huh? Spill it. Paige: Nothing. Phoebe: You're lying. I can see your wisdom teeth. Paige: I don't have wisdom teeth. Phoebe: Paige. Paige: Alright, but you're not gonna like it. Alright, remember the vampire that attacked me a couple of days ago? Well, I met him through Cole, at your apartment. Phoebe: And? Paige: And? Don't you think that's a pretty big coincidence for an alleged ex-demon. Phoebe: Alleged? Paige: Stop being so naive, Phoebe, he's been acting strange ever since he got his new job which for all we know could be a cover anyway. Phoebe: I don't believe this. Paige: Face the facts, Phoebe. Cole has gone back to his old ways, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Piper thinks so too. That's what we were coming to tell you about this morning. I'm sorry. (Phoebe grabs her coat and heads for the door.) Where are you going? Phoebe: To prove you wrong. Paige: What about the Source? What about the power of three? Phoebe: Screw the power of three. (She leaves.) [Cut to Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Phoebe walks in, cautiously. She goes over to Cole's briefcase and looks inside. She flips through some papers. She sees the broken glass on the floor and walks to her bedroom door. She opens it and Cole is there tying balloons to their bed.] Cole: You caught me. Phoebe: Cole. (He picks up a bunch of flowers.) Cole: I love you. (He hands her the flowers and kisses her and her stomach.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Foyer. Piper and Paige are there.] Piper: Screw the power of three? Paige: Those were her words exactly. And then she practically flattened me while storming out of her office. Piper: Well, that sounds more than just hormones. Paige: Yeah, she was a little pissed. Piper: About what? Oh, Paige, you didn't! You told her about Cole? Paige: She was gonna find out eventually. Piper: Yeah, when we decided it was the right time to tell her. Now she's probably never gonna speak to us again. You might as well have crowned the new Source yourself. Paige: Oh, god, I think you're slightly exaggerating. Piper: No, I am not. We need Phoebe for the plan to work. Paige: What plan? Piper: You follow me! (Piper goes into the kitchen. Paige follows. The kitchen has turned into the large underworld building where the coronation will take place. The wizard, guards and the dark priest are standing there.) Paige: Alright. Piper, I think I like the other kitchen better. This is an illusion, right? Wizard: Please, tell me she's not the brains of the family. Piper: Grimoir, dark priest, body guards, and this mystery man over here is the Source. (She points to a dummy wearing a black suit but has no face.) Paige: Oh, first half a face now no face. Wizard: I didn't get a good look at him. Piper: Well, it doesn't really matter anyway because he may not even be here. All we want is the Grimoir. Paige: Alright, what's the plan? Piper: We learn from his mistakes. Wizard: Not mistakes. Miscalculations. Piper: Uh, you didn't have any backup, your illusions didn't buy you enough time and you got caught. I'd call those mistakes. This time we'll go for a bigger distraction and since the bodyguards are already after you, you show up and they're bound to chase after you. Paige: Thinning out demonic ranks, that sounds good. Wizard: Easy for you to say, you're not the distraction. Piper: You'll orb us in, Phoebe and I will keep the demons busy and you'll snag the book. Paige: Sounds simple. (She goes to grab the book but the wizard pulls it away with his wand.) Wizard: Would I come to you if it were that simple? Piper: It's like the Book of Shadows, only it protects itself from good. So you'll use this sack, we'll put a spell on it so it can hold the Grimoir... Phoebe: Piper? (Phoebe comes in.) Demon! Piper: Phoebe, no! (Phoebe jumps up to kick the dark priest and the illusion disappears. Phoebe lands on the table.) Phoebe: Hello, confusion. Wizard: I can't work like this. Piper: Phoebe, this is the wizard, and that was one of his illusions. Phoebe: An illusion. (The wizard taps his staff and two women appear beside him and start massaging him.) Um, like those? Piper: Yeah, don't mind him, he's been at it all day, the pig. Paige: Not that I'm not happy to see you, Phoebe, but why are we seeing you? Considering how we left it. Phoebe: I'm not about to shun my wiccan duties, Paige, no matter what. Paige: But what about what we talked about? Phoebe: I love Cole, and I trust him even if you guys don't. And we can discuss our problems later, I came here to help you with... Merlin. Wizard: Please, Merlin was an overrated hack. Tell me he's not the only wizard you people have heard of. Paige: Well, does Harry Potter count? Piper: Alright, enough. You can live your life of instant gratification later, after we're done. Get rid of them. Wizard: You call this a life? (He taps his staff and the women disappear.) This is no life. Illusions are as empty to me as they are to you. They're only a reminder of a reality long since lost. Of a world filled with wizards, of friends, of family. It's all an illusion without family. Help me stop the Source. Help me right this wrong. [Scene: Underworld. The coronation room. The dark priest and Cole are there.] Dark Priest: Everything's on schedule. The other priests are preparing the sacrifices as we speak. Cole: What about the wizard? How do we know he won't make another attempt. Dark Priest: He's the last of his kind, Sire, I doubt if the risk ----. Cole: He risked it before, didn't he? (The wizard stands at the entrance.) Wizard: Talking about me? Dark Priest: Guards! After him! (The wizard runs down the corridor and the guards follow.) Cole: Something's not right. Dark Priest: You should leave for you safety now, Sire. (Cole sees the girls starting to orb in.) Cole: Protect the Grimoir. (Cole flames out. The girls orb in. Piper blows up a guard and another jumps on her. Phoebe starts fighting with a guard and the dark priest uses his telekinesis powers on Paige, knocking her to the ground.) [Cut to the corridor. The wizard runs around a corner. The guards run around the corner and Cole stands in front of them.] Cole: Stop! Wait. Guard: But Sire, the wizard. Cole: He's right behind you. (The wizard appears behind the guards and zaps them with his staff. They fall to the ground. He points his staff at Cole.) Wizard: If only you were real. (Illusion Cole disappears.) [Cut back to the coronation room. The girls are still fighting with the guards.] Phoebe: Piper, now! (Piper blows up the dark priest and Paige crawls towards the Grimoir. A guard goes to throw an energy ball at Paige.) Paige, look out! (She points to the guard and fire comes out of her hands, vanquishing the guard. She looks at her hand in shock.) Piper: What was that? Phoebe: I have no idea. (The wizard runs in.) Wizard: What are we waiting for? Paige: Grimoir. (The Grimoir orbs into the sack.) Got it. Wizard: Let's get out of here. (The orb out.) [Cut to the manor. They orb in.] Wizard: We did it! We got it. Piper: Yes, and now we are going to destroy it. Paige, go get the Book of Shadows, when need some potions. Paige: Right. (She puts the Grimoir on the table and leaves the room.) Wizard: Wait, destroy it? We might be able to use it. Piper: For what? It's evil. (to Phoebe) Do you want to sit down? Phoebe: I think I just want to go home. Piper: Well, this is home too. Phoebe: I don't feel good. It just didn't feel right. Piper: Well, that's probably just because it's-it's new and your power is escalating. Phoebe: How is it escalating? I levitate, I have premonitions. Piper: Well, you had fire power in your past life. Phoebe: I was evil in my past life, remember? Wizard: Can we get back to the Grimoir! Piper: No. (Piper freezes him. Phoebe runs away.) Phoebe, wait. [Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Cole is staring out the window. He gets mad and smashes the window with his fist. Julie shimmers in.] Julie: What's the matter? What happened? Cole: What are you doing here? Julie: I sensed your pain, I was worried. Cole: Yeah, well, you should be worried. The Grimoir has been stolen. Julie: I know. Cole: You know? How do you know? Have you been spying on me? Julie: No, of course not. Cole: Then how? Tell me. (He grabs her.) Seer's Voice: From me. (She appears.) I told her. Cole: Seer. If you foresaw the Grimoir being taken... Seer: Finding the Grimoir is not your biggest problem. Suppressing Cole is. You're changing, my liege. The human in you grows stronger and at the worst possible time. Cole: I can handle it. Seer: How? Your guard is down, you're vulnerable. Julie: Let me try again. Cole: Try what? Are you working together to manipulate me? Julie: No, to save you. To save us. Cole: Us, there is no us. Julie: But there could be. And if there were the struggle would end. You'd be free to rule without the witch's love holding you back. Cole: (to Seer) This is your doing. Did you really think I'd fall for it? Seer: Leave us. Now. (Julie shimmers out.) Cole: I can't believe you tricked me into hiring a seductress. Seer: I was concerned the baby's influence on your humanity might sway you to the other side. Cole: Then what? You hoped if I'd gotten laid... Seer: No, I hoped you'd come to your senses before it was too late. But I wasn't relying on it. This isn't just about you. I helped you put you in position for greatness and I'm not going to let you fail now. It's only the Source that protects you from the Charmed Ones' powers and premonitions. If Cole's love becomes any stronger, it will over power the Source, then you will lose everything. The throne, your wife, your son. (The elevator dings and the Seer disappears. Phoebe walks in.) Phoebe: Cole, hi, honey. (She sees the broken window.) What happened? Cole: Oh, um, there was an accident. Everything go alright with whatever you had to do with your sisters? Phoebe: The good news is we got what we were after. Cole: Good, congratulations. (He starts to walk away.) Phoebe: Uh, but, uh... I think something really bad has happened to me. Cole: Wh-what, the baby? Phoebe: No, the baby's fine. I threw fire. I-I vanquished a demon with it. And it just felt, I don't know, awful. Almost evil. Cole: Hey, hey, hey, that's impossible. You're the sweetest most loving person I've even known. You don't have an evil bone in your body and you know that. (Cole touches her and she has a premonition of him killing and throwing fireballs.) What? What happened? Phoebe: Oh my god. (She runs to the elevator.) Cole: Phoebe. Phoebe: Stay away from me. Cole: Phoebe. (She gets in the elevator.) Phoebe: Stay away from me! Cole: What did you see? (The elevator doors close.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Living room. Piper has potions lined up on the coffee table. She picks one up and throws it at the Grimoir, which is on the floor. The potion explodes but doesn't harm the Grimoir.] Piper: Okay. That was the strongest one I had, I don't know what else to do. Wizard: I'll tell you what to do. Keep it. Paige: You know, maybe we should go see Phoebe, she didn't look so well. Piper: Paige, we'll go over there after we destroy this book. Wizard: I think you're being hasty. The Grimoir could bring us great powers. Paige: Listen, we already have powers, we don't need evil ones too. (Phoebe walks in through the front door.) Piper: Phoebe? Phoebe: I have to talk to you guys. Piper: What is it? (Phoebe sits on the couch. The wizard eyes off the book.) You, you stay where I can see you. Paige: Honey, what is it? What's the matter? Whatever it is, it's gonna be alright. Phoebe: No, it won't. I had a premonition, and you were right, Cole is evil. Paige: Oh, honey, I didn't wanna be right. Piper: What exactly did you see? Phoebe: Everything. Killing, fireball throwing, working with other demons. Oh, god, Cole is a demon. Piper: It's okay, Phoebe, just take a breath. Wizard: What's taking so long? Piper: Quiet. Phoebe: I have a baby on the way, and I have this new power. I don't know if I can handle this. Paige: It's okay, you're not alone, you have us. (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Okay, we've got big problems, where's the wizard? Piper: Shh, in there. We've got big problems in here. Cole, demon Cole. What were you gonna say about the wizard? Leo: Um, can you handle this right now? Phoebe: Do I have a choice? Wizard: What's taking so long? Piper: Shush! Leo: Uh, well, according to the Elders, some Wizards are evil and if he is, it's not good. Piper: I knew it, then he wants the Grimoir for himself. Leo: Probably. There's a spell in there that can consecrate a weapon and make it strong enough to kill the Source. Paige: Isn't that a good thing? Leo: No. If he kills the Source he becomes the Source. And he'll have enough magic to resurrect his people. Wizard: What's taking so long? Piper: Wait a minute. (She storms over to the Wizard.) I can't believe we let that slimy Lord of the Rings wannabe use us. (The illusion wizard and the Grimoir disappear.) Paige: Another illusion? Piper: On a loop no less, he was just waiting for an opportunity to take the book. Leo: We need to get it back fast. Phoebe: How? Piper: We gotta go back down to the underworld. Paige: We couldn't even find the coronation site without the wizard. Phoebe: What about a summoning spell? Piper: We'd need his blood. Paige: Cole. I was just thinking maybe he'd know something, he is a demon after all. Phoebe: I can't even think about Cole right now let alone talk to him. Paige: Maybe we could go with you and watch your back. Piper: That's an awful lot to ask of her right now. Paige: I know, but what choice do we have? There's gonna be a coronation tonight unless we stop it. [Scene: Underworld. The coronation room. Dark Priest #2 is adjusting Cole's coat. The Seer is watching near by.] Dark Priest #2: How's it feel? Cole: Heavy. (The dark priest walks away. The Seer moves closer to Cole.) Seer: Focus. Cole: What's the point? We don't even have the Grimoir. Seer: We will. But in the mean time you must keep up appearances. Cole: But Phoebe... Seer: Is not your concern at the moment. Cole: She knows I'm a demon, damn it. Seer: She will come round in time. (The priest goes to put a scarf on Cole but he stops him.) Cole: I can't do this. I have to find her. Seer: And risk the wizard finding you? He'll kill you. Take your throne. Cole: He can have it. Seer: And what do you think your death will solve? Do you really think it'll bring you what you seek? If losing the witch has cost you your will, then I will get it back. Cole: What do you mean? (The Seer disappears.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Leo are there.] Leo: Anything? Phoebe: He's not here. Paige: Have you tried his office? Phoebe: I'm beginning to wonder if he even has an office. (Julie shimmers in.) Julie: He does. Piper: Who are you? Phoebe: I know who she is. Where's Cole? Julie: Safe from you. Paige: Alright, do you wanna punch her or should I? Phoebe: I should've known all along. Julie: You've ruined him. Made him pathetic, weak, good. Phoebe: And I take it you have a problem with that? Julie: Yeah, I have a big problem with that. Piper: Uh, Phoebe, what's going on here? Julie: You're just a means to an end. A way to sire a magical child. But now you're hurting him and I can't allow that. Phoebe: Oh no? Julie: No. (She throws an energy ball at Phoebe and Phoebe levitates up so the energy ball misses.) Phoebe: Two can play at that game. (She throws fire at Julie and Julie cartwheels out of the way.) Piper: Okay, now... Phoebe: Piper, don't. This is my fight. (She throws fire at Julie, this time getting her.) Piper: Phoebe. (Julie screams and is vanquished.) Phoebe: Home wrecker. Paige: Okay, Phoebe, you're scaring us. Phoebe: What? Leo: Phoebe, fire throwing is an upper-level demonic power. Phoebe: Oh my god. What's happening to me? (Suddenly, she shimmers out.) [Cut to the underworld. Phoebe shimmers in a cave. The Seer is there.] Seer: Breathe. Phoebe: How did I get here? Seer: Your magic. Dark magic. Phoebe: Stay away from me. Seer: Stop me. (Phoebe throws fire at the Seer but it doesn't harm her.) Feels good doesn't it? Or more precisely, evil. Phoebe: What do you want? What have you done to me? Seer: What I've done is not important. What you must do now, however is. Your husband needs you by his side. Phoebe: I don't understand. Seer: Don't you? You and I share the same gift. We both can sense the truth. From the moment Cole absorbed the Source's power, you've sensed something different about him. Something that's changed him forever. You know the truth. Phoebe: Cole is the Source. Seer: Yes. And he needs your help if he hopes to survive. He needs your love. You can't keep fighting it. The maternal bond is too strong, listen to your body, Phoebe. Listen to your unborn son. He takes after his father. Phoebe: His father lied to me. Seer: He never lied about his feelings for you. And despite my best efforts he never stopped loving you. (She touches Phoebe's tummy.) Oh, your son was conceived in love, you know that. It's time to stop fighting it. It's time to embrace your new family, your new destiny, otherwise Cole and your son will die. All of demondon will rise up against them to destroy them and you. [Scene: The coronation room. Cole and two guards are there.] Cole: Leave me. Guard: But the coronation's imminent. The wizard... Cole: Knows that I know. Leave. (The guards shimmer out. The wizard appears and Cole attacks him with a sword. The wizard blocks his attack with his staff. They continue fighting.) I knew you'd come for me. (The wizards drops his staff and Cole points the sword at him.) If you wanted my powers, all you had to do was ask. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Cole and the wizard are there. The wizard is looking at a page in the Grimoir.] Cole: How much longer? Wizard: Give me a break, will you, this is tricky stuff. It'd be a lot easier if I could do this in friendlier confines. Cole: There are no friendly confines, not anymore. This had better work or you'll be joining the rest of your kind and not in the way you hoped for. Wizard: Little tip. Pressure's not the best motivating technique. If you wanna lose the Source's powers, don't rush me. Cole: Fine, but just so we're clear, once you get the Source's powers I never hear from you again. Wizard: Understood. Not that I'm ungrateful, but why are you so willing to do this? (He places some lit candles on the floor.) Cole: I lost someone I love and I want her back. That's all you need to know. Wizard: Love? The Source can love. Cole: Just keep working. Wizard: I'm done. Now, if the spell's going to work, blood needs to spill. (He picks up a dagger and Cole holds out his arm. He cuts Cole's arm.) Now me. (He cuts his own. Smoke starts to rise from the Grimoir.) "Holus into exitus omne. Holus into exitus omne. Holus into exitus omne! Holus into exitus omne." (The both rise into the air and they start to glow. The wizard extends his arm and starts to pull the Source out of Cole. The Seer and Phoebe appear.) Seer: Save him. For your son. (Phoebe throws fire and vanquishes the wizard. Cole falls to the floor and Phoebe rushes over to him.) [Cut to the manor. Attic. Piper, Paige and Leo are there. Paige is scrying.] Piper: Maybe you should go back down to the underworld. Leo: I already tried, I-I can't sense her anywhere. Piper: Well, she's gotta be somewhere. Doesn't she? (The crystal points to a place on the map.) Paige: Got her. [Cut to Phoebe and Cole's apartment.] Phoebe: Are you okay? Cole: What happened? What did you do? Phoebe: I vanquished him. Cole: Oh, but he was our last chance. Phoebe: No it wasn't. (Piper, Paige and Leo orb in.) Paige: Oh, thank god we found you. Phoebe: It's too late. Leo: What do you mean? What are you talking about? (Phoebe picks up the Grimoir.) Paige: Hey, I thought only evil could touch that book. Phoebe: That's right. Piper: Phoebe, what's going on? Phoebe: I'm embracing my new destiny. (Phoebe and Cole flame out.) Piper: What the hell was that? Seer: That was the Source. And his queen. Piper: You did this, you poisoned her. Paige: Maybe we should just vanquish you. Seer: You can't. Not without the power of three. (The Seer disappears.) Paige: I can't believe this is happening. Piper: Leo, where'd she go? (He tries to sense her.) Leo: I can't sense her. They must be in the underworld. Piper: Okay, so, orb us down there and we'll drag her home kicking and screaming. Paige: There is no way we can find the coronation site without the wizard. Piper: I don't care, we can't just leave her there. Leo: We don't have a choice, we'll have to find another way. [Scene: The coronation room. The coronation is about to take place.] Cole: Are you sure about this? You're giving up your life. Phoebe: My life is with you and our baby. We'll be strong together. After all, we're family. (They kiss.) Cole: I love you. Seer: It is time. Phoebe: We're ready. (They walk towards the dark priest and he opens the Grimoir.)

After Phoebe tells Piper and Paige that she's pregnant with Cole's child, they team up with a wizard in an attempt to stop the Source before he ascends to power. However, they are unaware that Cole is now the new Source and that once his coronation takes place, Phoebe will take her place as the new Queen of the Underworld.

fd_Charmed_05x22

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[Scene: P3. Night. Phoebe is sitting at a table with a guy.] Phoebe: I am really glad Elise made me call you. You're exactly the kind of guy I've been looking for. Guy: Is that so? Phoebe: Oh, it is so so. You're cute, you're sweet, you're smart. And from what I hear, you're raking in the dough. Guy: Well, you have quite the way with words, don't you? Phoebe: Yeah, well, when it comes to helping needy children, I'm shameless. Come on, Evan, please do the charity auction. It'll be fun. Evan: It'll be fun to be auctioned off like a side of beef? (They laugh.) Phoebe: Yeah, well, it's not like we're asking you to marry the highest bidder, it's just, you know, one little date. And one little tax deductible donation, you know, to match your lady's bid. Evan: Is there any chance Ask Phoebe will be doing some bidding? Phoebe: Well, you will just have to sign up to find out, hm. (She shows him a clipboard and he writes his name down.) [Cut to Paige and a guy sitting at the bar.] Guy #2: Then I graduated from Stanford law in '98. Paige: Harvard law. Hm, that's impressive. So do you want to give to a charity, or what? Guy: I said Stanford, not Harvard. Paige: Let me ask you something. Have you been having any kind of end of the world, fire and brimstone, doomsday kind of dreams lately? Guy: Wait a minute, is this some sort of religious charity? Paige: Huh? (Phoebe walks up to them.) Phoebe: No, it's not. It's for children. Guy: Right. Yeah. Hey, to each his own, but I'm not into the whole fire and brimstone thing. (The guy walks away.) Phoebe: Paige, you're supposed to be flirting with the bachelors, not frightening them. Paige: I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a little off. Phoebe: Well, my boyfriend moved to Hong Kong, I'm thoroughly depressed. But I still managed to sign up six people and you have... Paige: I have none people. Phoebe: None people. Paige, I know you've been in a bad mood but this is getting a little crazy. Paige: What? I've barely slept all week. I keep having these strange dreams about ancient wars and weird magic. All very disturbing. Phoebe: Do you think they mean something? Paige: I don't know. It could be hormones. More likely, it could be my subconscious trying to tell me something. [Scene: Snow-Covered Mountains. A cave. A demon kneels before two huge frozen people. The demon reads from a scroll.] Demon: Emergo dormio lebertus chilus dechio. Emergo dormio lebertus chilus dechio. (The ice surrounding the people starts to crackle. Suddenly, the ice explodes, knocking the demon backwards. The people are free - Titans from Ancient Greece.) It worked. You're alive. (The demon stands up.) Male Titan: How long? Demon: How long? Three thousand years, give or take a century. Female Titan: What! (A pot across the room bursts into flames.) Male Titan: Who are you? Demon: Me? I'm the demon who spent decades trying to free you. Now you're gonna return the favour. It wasn't easy either. The world's forgotten about you. But I had a vision. If I could somehow revive you, I could use your power to bring myself to glory, rule the underworld as I was always meant to. (The male titan zaps the demon and vanquishes him.) Male Titan: Imbecile. (The female titan smiles.) Female Titan: I love it when you smite so unexpectedly. (They kiss passionately.) Male Titan: We have to find Cronus and free him as well. Female Titan: Do we have to? I know he'll be furious. Male Titan: I am counting on it. Opening Credits [Scene: Manor. Conservatory. Piper and Phoebe are there. Piper is sitting on the chair fanning herself with sheets of paper. Phoebe opens the doors to the yard.] Phoebe: With the love that is everything good and pure, why have we never bothered to get air conditioning? Piper: Because we live in San Francisco where the temperature rarely goes above 75 . Phoebe: Okay, well, it's at 90 now, can we get one today, please? Piper: Yeah, we could if it was not for this little expenditure here. (Piper hands her the phone bill.) Phoebe: Uh-oh. Yeah, that's a lot of phone calls to Hong Kong. Piper: Yes, it is. Phoebe: Okay, before you start yelling, let me just explain to you I'm trying to figure out where Jason and I stand, and to do that it requires a lot of phone calls. You're gonna throw that glass at me, aren't you? Piper: No, honey, I get it. You know, it is a very big phone bill, but if you have to choose between true love and air conditioning, I'd say it's a no brainer. Phoebe: Who are you and what have you done to my sister? Piper: What? I can't be in a good mood? Phoebe: No. Mary Poppins wouldn't be in a good mood in this kind of heat. Piper: Well, Wyatt is finally sleeping through the night and my hormones are back in wack and, you know, Leo and I are finally... Phoebe: Back in the saddle. Piper: So to speak. Phoebe: Yay you. God I miss s*x. Piper: I gotta tell you, life is feeling pretty damn good at the moment. Phoebe: So where is your lucky husband and my perfect nephew? Piper: They are shopping for a present for Darryl's son. Phoebe: Look at you. You're like soccer mum. Dare I say it, your life is almost normal. (Paige walks in.) Paige: There is nothing normal about this heat. Phoebe: Good morning, sunshine. Paige: Oh, save the quips and pass the caffeine. I have work to do. (Phoebe hands Paige a glass of iced tea.) Piper: What are you gonna do? Scry for mother nature and have a wiccan word with her? Paige: Okay, you're way too perky, alright, and you're frightening me. I'm just saying. Phoebe: So you think this weather is demonic? Paige: I don't know, there's just something weird. I keep waking up all week long with these fiery dreams. What am I supposed to think? Piper: Uh-oh, you're not getting like a god complex or something, are you? 'Cause, you know, they've got medication for that. Paige: I didn't say my dreams caused it, I'm just... I don't know what I'm saying. Phoebe: Honey, maybe you need to get out of the house a little more. Paige: Well, this isn't just me being obsessive... okay, maybe a little bit. But it's not just psychological or emotional, I really, really think there's something... Piper: Magical. Paige: Yeah, for lack of a better term. Listen, I don't wanna be a downer but I'm gonna go hit the books so I can go figure out what the hell is going on. (Paige leaves the room.) Phoebe: Should we be worried? Piper: I don't think so. But I just wish she'd stop looking for trouble, 'cause with our luck, she's gonna find it. [Scene: Snow-Covered Mountains. The two titans are standing in front of a frozen Cronus, another Titan. The male titan is melting the ice with his power.] Male Titan: There he is as raffle as ever. Female Titan: All the more reason to leave him be. Male Titan: Careful, Meta. Meta: Demetrius, I'm telling you, we don't need him. We've more than enough power to rule without him, you know that. Just imagine, a new plague every day, a monsoon every week. It would be devastating. (Demetrius chuckles.) Demetrius: Nevertheless, we will need his strength to revenge our captors and that is something we all want. Oh, now, don't pout, Meta. You might start a hurricane and alert them. (He kisses her.) Now, go and find the Whitelighters. Won't be long before I free Cronus and you know how impatient he can get. (Meta disappears. Demetrius turns into a tornado and floats to the sky, turning into dark clouds. A lightning bolt flashes down and hits the ice surround Cronus.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Park. A birthday party. Piper and Leo are sitting on chairs with Wyatt beside them in his pram. Darryl is cooking some sausages on the barbeque. Darryl's son runs up to him.] Darryl's Son: Daddy! Daddy! Show us your trick! Darryl: Trick? I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. (Darryl kneels down in front of his son.) Hold on a second, wait, you have something in your ear. Darryl's Son: I do? (Darryl reaches behind his son's ear and pulls out a coin.) Yeah! (Darryl's son gives him a hug.) Leo: You call that magic? (Leo laughs. Piper playfully hits him on the arm. Darryl's wife, Sheila, walks over to them.) Sheila: Okay, who wants hot dogs? (Leo puts his arm around Piper and they cuddle happily.) Darryl: Let me guess. First time the baby slept all night, huh? Piper: How'd you know? Darryl: First few months after my kid was born was rough, you know. No sleep, no time for each other. Leo: Sounds familiar. Sheila: Yeah, but right about three, four months, things started to level off. Really good again. Darryl: 'Til he hits two. Sheila: Oh, don't scare them. (The Elders call Leo.) Leo: Uh, Piper, I have to go. Piper: But we just got here. Leo: I know, baby, but it's the Elders. (Piper looks at Darryl.) Darryl: Don't worry, she knows. Sheila: Ah, secret's safe with me. Argue away. Leo: Honey, I'm sorry, but it sounds urgent. Piper: Okay, well, then I need to express to you that this is going to make me feel a little abandoned. Leo: Alright, well, I understand, I acknowledge your feelings and I want to let you know that I love you, even though I have to go. (Darryl laughs.) Sheila: Darryl, stop. Piper: What's so funny? Darryl: Nothing, um, just marriage counselling, huh? Sheila: Honey, we did it too. We recognise the tools. Piper: I think I hate the tools. I'd rather just snipe later than be honest and open about my feelings now. Darryl: Yeah, we felt the same way. Wife: But you know what? Turns out the tools really helped. Leo: Piper, I have to go. Piper: Fine, go. I mean, thank you for considering my feelings and I love you and I will see you later at home. Leo: Okay. (They kiss and Leo leaves.) Sheila: Very good. [Scene: P3. Phoebe and Elise are there. Other people are setting up for the children's charity.] Elise: So you'll introduce the bachelors from here and then they'll enter from over there. (Phoebe watches a cute guy walk past.) Phoebe, are you with me? Phoebe: I am all over him... I mean it. All over it. Elise: Phoebe, the newspaper only sponsors one charity event a year and I want this to go off without a hitch. Phoebe: It will, I promise. Elise: Okay, that's what I like to hear. Oh, and please thank your sister again for donating her club. Phoebe: I just hope everyone doesn't melt by the time they get here. It's gonna be kind of hard to auction off bachelor soup. Elise: It is bizarre weather, isn't it? I spoke to Jason this morning and he says it's the same way in Hong Kong. Phoebe: You spoke to Jason? Did he mention me? Elise: Look, not that it's any of my business but are you sure you want to tether yourself to a boyfriend who's half way across the world? Phoebe: I know. And the truth is this heat's kind of making me boy crazy. It just feels really to end a good relationship so abruptly. Elise: He's the one who moved away, Phoebe. Phoebe: I know. Elise: And at the risk of advising an advice columnist, I say you bid on a bachelor or two tomorrow. That way I can live vicariously through you. Phoebe: Oh, Elise, you brazen hussy. Elise: Hehe hehe hehe hehe. (Paige orbs in near by, holding two thick coats.) Phoebe: Oh my god. Elise: What? What is it? Phoebe: Nothing. Hold that thought. Elise: What thought? (Phoebe goes over to Paige.) Phoebe: Paige, are you out of your mind? Paige: As it turns out I am not. Listen, we are in big trouble. Phoebe: Yeah, you almost exposed our magic to a room full of people. Paige: No, listen. I studied the I-ching, tarot cards, runes and tea leaves and they're all giving me the same reading. Phoebe: That you need a good night sleep? Paige: No, that there's something big going on in the supernatural world. If my reading is right, it's not just the thunder and heat, we could be in store for a big earthquake or worse. Phoebe: Okay, so what do you want us to do? Do you have a plan? Paige: Not so much a plan as a location. I scryed for evil and one place kept coming right up red hot. (She hands Phoebe one of the jackets.) Take this, you're gonna need it. We're going on a trip. [Cut to the Snow-covered Mountains. Cave. Phoebe and Paige walk into the cave wearing the jackets. Phoebe is shivering.] Phoebe: Okay, there's a reason nobody lives in this part of the world because they all died from the cold. Paige: I thought you said you wanted air conditioning. Phoebe: This sucks. (Paige spots a scorch mark.) Paige: Scorch mark. See if you can get a premonition. Phoebe: I don't have my gloves. Paige: Tough it out. I got us this far. Phoebe: Okay, fine. (Phoebe kneels down and touches the scorch mark.) Paige: Did you get anything? Phoebe: Yeah. Frost bite. Shush. (Phoebe gets a premonition.) Ooh! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Paige: Hot? Phoebe: No, not here hot. In my vision. Paige: Vision, good, tell me what it is. Phoebe: Ah, two very large someone's coming out of that wall. (She points.) Paige: Who? Phoebe: I don't know. (Suddenly, the roof caves in on top of them.) [Cut to outside. A lightning bolt hits a frozen Cronus and he is freed. Demetrius appears.] Cronus: Demetrius. Demetrius: My lord. Cronus: They did this to me. To me! Demetrius: They will be punished. Cronus: Punished. I will obliterate them! [Cut inside the cave. Phoebe and Paige make their way out from under the snow.] Paige: Earthquake. Did I call it or what? Phoebe: Did I mention this sucks? [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe has a blanket wrapped around her and she is shivering. Piper walks in carrying a box.] Piper: Okay, I know it's cooled off a little bit since this morning but what are you doing? Phoebe: Defrosting. Paige: Is this them? (Phoebe looks at the Book of Shadows.) Phoebe: No. Piper: Who's them? Phoebe: We're not sure yet. How was the party? Piper: Oh, just super fun. Leo got called away and I got to use my tools. Phoebe: What? Paige: Is that them? Phoebe: No, they looked a little bit more... ancient. Piper: Will someone please tell me what's going on? (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Ah, a Whitelighter's disappeared. Phoebe: A Whitelighter? Like from a Darklighter? Leo: No, a Darklighter's poison is slow and painful, this was more instantaneous and the Elders have no idea what it could have been. Paige: It's all connected. Piper: What's connected? Paige: Whatever it is that escaped from the ice cave. Leo: You were in an ice cave? Paige: Heat wave, earthquake, my dreams, this is way bigger than any one Whitelighter. Phoebe: I'd better drop out of that charity benefit. Leo: Yeah, maybe we should cancel counselling, honey. Piper: Hold it, wait a minute, no. This is exactly what we're supposed to be learning in therapy. When to put our lives on hold and when not to. Paige: But Piper, a Whitelighter was killed. Piper: We don't know that. He could've just clipped his wings and he's in hiding. Phoebe: Is that possible? Leo: Yeah, I guess. Piper: Look, people, we just need to manage our lives our little bit better. Dr. Berenson says that needless worry and panic serve absolute no purpose except to prevent the possibility of happiness. Phoebe: I am all for the possibility of happiness. Piper: Good, so we need to address the immediate the problem at hand and circle the wagons only when we have to. Paige: Okay, Leo, maybe you should get the Elders to put a ban on Whitelighters orbing until we figure out exactly what's going on. Leo: Okay, I'll meet you in therapy. Piper: Okay, don't be late. Is it safe for you to orb up there right now? Leo: Yeah, no worrying remember? (He kisses Piper and orbs out.) [Cut to Up There. Everything is white. Elders wearing gold robes walk around talking in their clickety-clack language. Leo orbs in and looks around. He walks over to two Elders.] Leo: What's going on? What's with all the activity? I just left here. Roland: It's not your concern. Cecil: Roland, please. Actually, we're not sure, Leo. But we do know something is not quite right. Leo: Why? Has another Whitelighter... Cecil: No. It's something else. Roland: Something we're not at liberty to discuss outside the council of Elders. Leo: Anything to do with heat waves? Earthquakes? Cecil: What do you know? Leo: Not much. Just that Paige has been having these strange dreams lately. Dreams that seem pretty prophetic. Cecil: You think she foresaw these earthquakes? Leo: Yes. Roland: That's not her power. Leo: It's not a power, it's more of an instinct. Roland: An instinct? That's what you're basing this on? Leo: Well, it hasn't let her down so far, has it? Look, excuse me, but I've just learned to rely on her instincts. All of their instincts. Cecil: As well you should have, Leo. Now, what did you come up here to tell us? Leo: Just that the girls think, we all think, maybe we should ground all Whitelighters until we know for sure that it's safe. (The Elders look at each other.) Cecil: We agree. We'll initiate the orders as soon as you've returned to them. In the mean time, keep them working on this, it's important. Leo: You're worried, aren't you? Cecil: You know me better than that. At the end of the day, even we can't change what's meant to be. Just remember, no matter what happens, you must always follow your instincts too. [Scene: A park. Night. A stone statue is there. A witch is unconscious on the ground with a wound on her forehead. Meta is standing near by. A woman Whitelighter orbs in.] Woman Whitelighter: Krista! Meta: It's about time you came to heal your charge. Woman Whitelighter: Who are you? What do you want? Meta: A Whitelighter. (Meta's eyes glow and turns the Whitelighter into stone.) [Cut to the snowy place. Demetrius and Cronus are there. Meta and the two stone statues appear.] Meta: It's good to see you again, my lord. Cronus: You never were a good liar, Meta. Where's the third one? Meta: Unfortunately, Whitelighters are not as easy to find in this time. Much has changed. Magic is no longer practised so openly. Cronus: Much may have changed, but you certainly haven't. You know, it's always amazed me how someone as beautiful as you could so easily turn a mortal to stone. (He touches her cheek.) You haven't changed a bit, have you? She stays behind. Demetrius: No, she can't. We are stronger as three than two. We will need every ounce of that strength that we are to take revenge on our captures. Cronus: But if we wait, we risk them finding out we've been awake, and then even with orbs, we will not be able to break in. Demetrius: Then that is a risk we will have to take. Cronus: Says who? You, Demetrius? Are you challenging me? Meta: No. No, of course he's not, Cronus. I've got power enough for both of you. You can take them and use them to find a third Whitelighter for me. Cronus: And if we can't? Meta: Then I suppose I'll just have to let you boys handle it. (Demetrius and Cronus walk over to the statues and suck the power out.) [Scene: Outside Dr. Berenson's office. Waiting room. Piper is sitting on a chair with Wyatt. Leo walks around the corner.] Piper: Leo? Leo: Sorry, honey. Piper: I was starting to get worried about you. Leo: I know, I-I-I know. I came as fast as I could. Piper: Well, what happened? What took so long? Leo: I don't know. They don't know. But we can talk about it later. Right now our first priority is us. Piper: That's a good answer 'cause I don't think there's enough tools in the box to handle being stood up at the shrink. (The Elders call Leo.) Leo: Uh-oh. Piper: No way. Are you kidding me? Leo: It sounds important. Piper: But you were just there. Leo: I know. Look, I acknowledge that this is very difficult for you. Piper: You know what? Screw that, damn it! I'm just scared. Leo: I told you it was safe orbing up there. Piper: No, not about that. I'm scared that every time something good happens, every time I actually think we can have a normal life together, something goes wrong. (The Elders call Leo again.) Leo: Piper, I have to go. Piper: I know. And I know that it's not your fault. It's just the way that it is. Leo: I love you. (He kisses her forehead and leaves.) [Scene: Manor. Attic. Paige is there looking at the Titans page in the Book of Shadows.] Paige: Phoebe! Hey, Phoebe! (Phoebe runs in.) Phoebe: Did you find something? Paige: Do Titans ring a bell? Phoebe: Titans like from Ancient Greece? You have got to be kidding me. Paige: No, ancient gods who were entombed because it was the only way to stop them. Phoebe: Okay, well, even if it is them, how'd they get out? And why go after the Whitelighters? Paige: I don't know. Maybe one of them was hurt maybe they needed healing powers? I do know that because of the Elders' no orbing edict, that the only way they're gonna get another Whitelighter is if one... Phoebe: Oh, no way, Paige, forget about it. Paige: Why not? If I'm right, they will come right to us. Phoebe: And you're saying this like it's a good thing? Paige: It is. This is why I haven't been sleeping. This is what I've been preparing for all year. I have got potions here that are stronger than the ones that we used on the Source. Phoebe: OKay, devil's advocate, until we figure out how powerful they are, we shouldn't use you as bait. Paige: Witch's advocate, there are evil gods running around on the loose that we should eliminate before Wyatt gets home. Phoebe: Mm, that's dirty. Why do I feel like you're making me choose between my sister and my nephew? Paige: Because you're slightly overdramatic? Phoebe: I'm a little overdramatic? Paige: Well, can we just do this please? (Phoebe sighs.) Phoebe: Okay, fine. Bring on the earthquake causing gods. Paige: Watch this. (Paige orbs out and orbs back in. They hear a rumble and Meta appears. Paige throws a potion at her. Meta's eyes glow. Phoebe throws another potion at Meta but nothing happens. Meta uses her power and sends Phoebe flying across the room. Suddenly, a 20-year-old guy orbs in in front of Phoebe.) Guy: Don't look into her eyes! (They guy throws three potions at Meta but doesn't harm her. Meta disappears. The guy helps Phoebe up.) Are you alright? (Phoebe looks over at Paige who has turned to stone.) Phoebe: Oh my god, Paige. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe is looking at Paige.] Guy: Don't worry, she's alright. (Phoebe gives him a look.) Well, I mean, she's not completely alright, obviously, but she's not dead. Phoebe: Are you sure she's not? Guy: Frankly, you see this a lot. Museums, universities, town centres... Most of those statues, not really statues. They're people like your sister here who have been, uh, turned into stone. Phoebe: Who are you? Guy: Chris. Chris Perry. I'm from the future. (Piper walks in.) Piper: Oh! My god, tell me that's just a really good likeness of Paige. Phoebe: Oh, it's Paige. Chris: Titan turned her to stone. Piper: Who-who are you? Phoebe: That's Chris. He's from the future. Chris: Yeah, but just like twenty years or so. Piper: Uh-huh. Friend or foe? Phoebe: Not so sure yet. Chris: What do you mean? I saved Paige, didn't I? Phoebe: Oh, you call that saving, do you? Chris: Hey, I'm the one that put my life on the line here. I didn't have to drop everything I was doing just to orb in and save her butt... Piper: You-you orb? You're a Whitelighter? Chris: Look, where I come from, history shows Paige didn't get turned into stone on this day... she died. And with her death the power of three died too, allowing Titans to rule and create a world you don't wanna see, trust me. I'm hear to alter history. To help you save the future. Phoebe: Who sent you? Chris: I can't answer that. Phoebe: Why not? Chris: Because anything I tell you could risk changing the future in ways we don't want. Piper: Who's we? Chris: All I gotta say is, is that if I hadn't got here when I did, Paige would have been the third Whitelighter victim. Phoebe: Wait, third? I thought only one was missing? Chris: Not anymore. Piper: Leo! Leo! (Leo orbs in.) Leo: Honey, I'm sorry I missed counselling but... Piper: Forget that, we've got bigger problems. Leo: What happened? Piper: Forget that too. How many Whitelighters are missing? Leo: What? Piper: How many? Leo: Uh, two. That's what the Elders just called me for. Chris: Believe me now? Leo: Who's he? (They hear a crash coming from downstairs.) Phoebe: What was that? [Cut to the stairs. Piper, Phoebe and Leo walk down them. A fairy flies past. They look down into the parlor where there are dwarves, leprechauns, wood nymphs, elf nanny and other creatures.] Dwarf: Sorry, we'll pay for that. (He points to the broken vase on the floor.) So long as you can keep the world from ending. [Scene: Snow-covered Mountains. Demetrius, Cronus and Meta are there.] Cronus: It was a trap. You were tricked. Meta: Still, there are other Whitelighters. Cronus: No, we have been discovered. Your incompetence has endangered us all! Meta: My incompetence? I only went where I was told. My lord. Demetrius: It doesn't matter. We can go back. They will be no match for the three of us. Cronus: Out of the question. We have to attack our enemies now while we still can. Demetrius: I won't leave Meta behind. Cronus: It's alright, Demetrius, you won't have to. (Cronus throws a fireball at Meta and vanquishes her.) Careful, Demetrius. Either you're with me, or you're with her. [Cut to the manor. Piper and Leo are taking everyone into the conservatory.] Piper: Come on, come on, prance this way. Here we go. Here we go. Move it, move it, move it. Today. Dwarf: Hey, quit manhandling us. We're not your pets. Piper: No, you're just a pain. Now, go on. And don't let the neighbours see you. (A muscly man wearing no shirt, holding a crystal ball walks into the conservatory.) Phoebe: Whoa, check out the size of that Oracle's... ball. (Piper closes the conservatory doors.) Piper: Phoebe, focus. (Piper gasps. She has the fairy stuck in the door.) I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. (The fairy flies away.) Stay away from those windows. (She steps into the parlor.) What the hell is going on around here? (The Elf nanny walks in, holding onto a drumstick.) Elf Nanny: If you haven't noticed, the world's a mess out there. Something terrible's going on. Everyone senses it. Phoebe: The Titans? Leo: Must be. Piper: So you guys just all came here figuring that we would stop them? Elf Nanny: Well, you are the Charmed Ones, aren't you? (Wyatt cries from upstairs.) Do you always leave the little one unattended? Piper, Phoebe: No! Elf Nanny: Well, it just sounds like he needs to be changed. I'll take care of it. (She turns for the stairs.) Piper: Hold it! You are not the nanny. We rejected you. Elf Nanny: No, I rejected you. But I suppose I can fill in, just for a bit. (The Elf Nanny faces the stairs and disappears.) Phoebe: Did she just hire herself? Piper: (to Leo) You need to go watch her. Leo: What about the Elders? I need to let them know the Titans are back. Phoebe: Can't Chris tell them? I mean, he's a Whitelighter, isn't he? Piper: Wait a minute. Where is he? Phoebe: Upstairs with Paige. Leo: And the book. Piper: (to Leo) Alright, you, to the Elf. (Leo goes upstairs.) You keep an eye on our magical house guests. Herd them into the basement or something. I'm gonna go see what future boy is up to. [Cut to the attic. Chris is flipping through the Book of Shadows. Piper walks in.] Piper: What are you doing? Chris: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone-cold Paige over here. Piper: Step away. Chris: Please, like I haven't looked in this before. By the way, you should update your goblins entry. It'll come in handy some day. Piper: Goblins? Chris: Yeah, trust me. It's gonna get ugly. Look, obviously you don't trust me, but I touched the book, right? And the book thinks I'm good. Shouldn't you? Piper: Well, maybe you found a way around that. Chris: Piper, come on. I'm just trying to help. Piper: Well, then if that's true, why don't you tell me how to vanquish the Titans? Chris: Except you can't vanquish them. Piper: You mean, not without the power of three. Chris: Maybe not even with that. The only way the Elders could stop them three thousand years ago was by infusing some mortals with a hell of a lot of power. Way more than you guys have. Piper: So they can do that again. Chris: Not after what happened last time. When the mortals trapped the Titans, the power went to their heads. They declared themselves gods and forced the world to worship them. The Elders swore they would never allow that to happen again. Piper: Hang on a second, I'm having a ninth grade flashback. You're talking about the Greek gods, Zeus, Athena, Aphrodite? They were mortals? Chris: Mythology left that part out. Not the only inaccuracy by the way. (Phoebe, the dwarf and Finnegan the Leprechaun walk in.) Piper: Phoebe, what are you doing? You're supposed to be... Phoebe: I know, I know. But I thought they could help us free Paige. After all, a leprechaun's luck has helped us before. (She pats the dwarf on the shoulder.) Dwarf: He's the leprechaun, I'm one of the seven dwarves. Try to keep it straight, will you? Phoebe: Sorry. (Finnegan walks over to the statue.) Finnegan: It's gonna take a lot more than just me luck to free this one. We're gonna need some pixie dust too. Dwarf: I'll get a fairy. Left my axe downstairs anyway. (The dwarf leaves the attic.) Phoebe: Okay, so where are we? Piper: Screwed. Possibly. One thing I'm still not clear about. If the Titans are roaming around, why are they killing Whitelighters? Chris: Because they need their orbing power. Piper: Their orbing power? What on earth would they wanna do with... oh my god. Leo! (Piper races out of the attic.) Phoebe: Wh-What'd I miss? What did she just figure out? Chris: Nothing good. [Cut to the nursery. Leo and the Elf Nanny are watching a crying Wyatt in his crib. She uses her magic and a blanket appears wrapped around Wyatt.] Leo: How'd you know he was cold? Elf Nanny: Babies are what I do. (Piper races in.) Piper: Leo? The Titans are after the Elders. Leo: What? Piper: You have to go warn them but don't stay up there too long. Hurry. (Leo orbs out. Piper looks down at Wyatt and smiles slightly.) [Cut to Up There. Leo orbs in and sees the Elders' bodies lying dead on the floor. There are black scorch marks everywhere. Leo sees Cecil's body near by.] Leo: No. (He falls to his knees.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Manor. Attic. Phoebe, the dwarf, Finnegan and a fairy are there. The fairy throws magic dust on the Paige statue and Finnegan holds out his gold nugget, hitting the statue with good luck.] Finnegan: Now, laddie! (The dwarf hits the statue with his pick but nothing happens.) Dwarf: Don't know what else to try. Finnegan: Running out of gold too, I'm afraid. Phoebe: Okay, well, there's gotta be something we can do. Just keep trying. (Phoebe walks over to Chris who is looking at some things on a shelf.) What are you doing over here? Chris: Nothing. You guys keep this stuff forever, you know that? Phoebe: You knew the Titans were after the Elders, didn't you? Why didn't you tell us? Chris: I told you, there's some things I can't tell you. Some things you need to figure out on your own. Phoebe: Even at the risk of making things worse? (Piper walks in.) Piper: Alright, what's going on? Leo is not responding to any of my calls and it's been over five hours. Chris: I really don't know. Piper: Well, I really think you do. Chris: Look, you're the one who wanted him to go up there in the first place, not me. Alright, fine, maybe I do know. And if I'm right, he's gonna need some serious alone time. Piper: You know what? Cut it out with the cryptic crap. You need to go up there and bring him back now. No more games. Chris: Okay, fine, I'll go. But if I were you two, I'd focus on freeing Paige because you're gonna need her. Soon. (He orbs out.) Piper: I swear to god, if he does not come back with Leo, I'm gonna blow his ass back to the future, orbs and all. Phoebe: You know what? Why don't you go be with Wyatt and I'll take care of everything up here. I will call you if anything happens, I promise. You're not breathing. Piper: Nope. Phoebe: Breathe. (Piper leaves the attic.) Okay, next sister. [Cut to Up There. Leo is sitting beside Cecil's body. Chris orbs in.] Chris: Leo. (Leo gets up and walks towards Chris.) Leo: Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let this happen! (He pushes Chris against a wall.) Chris: Easy, easy! Leo: Why! Chris: Because this had to happen. It had to happen so you could do what has to be done. Leo: What are you talking about? They're all dead. Gone. Chris: No. Not all of them. Some of the Elders escaped back to earth but it won't be long before the Titans hunt them down too. But you can still stop them. You can still defeat the Titans. Leo: How? Chris: I think you know how. Leo: It's too dangerous. The Elders forbid it. Chris: True. But then again, the Elders aren't around to stop you now, are they? That's right, Leo. This is what it's all about. This is why they had to die so you could do something they'd never do. To save a future for your family, for your son. Leo: This is crazy. Chris: Maybe, but it's our only chance. Like it or not, you've been put in this situation for a reason, Leo. We both have. Leo: Says you. How do I know you're not trying to manipulate the situation for your own future? Just the way you've manipulated everything else. Chris: You don't. But what choice do you really have? There's certainly no future unless you do something. Leo: I don't know. Even if I were to believe you, even if I were willing, I couldn't. I'm no Elder. Chris: Well, you better start acting like one. [Cut to the manor. Attic. The fairy sprinkles magic dust on the Paige statue.] Phoebe: Now. (Finnegan holds out his gold nugget, hitting the statue with good luck. Phoebe throws a potion at the statue.) Hit it! (The dwarf hits the statue with his pick. The stone crumbles and frees Paige.) Honey, hi! (Phoebe hugs Paige.) Oh, I'm so happy to see you. Are you okay? Paige: What happened? Where's the Titan? What the hell are these guys doing here? Phoebe: Long story, I'll tell you on the way. (Phoebe and Paige leave the attic.) Dwarf: You're welcome! [Cut to the living room. Piper is sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Paige walk down the stairs.] Phoebe: There you are. (They walk into the living room.) Paige: Okay, I get the whole epic Titan thing, but what I'm not getting is the Chris thing. Phoebe: Yeah, we're still trying to figure that part out. Look who's not stoned. Piper: Welcome back. You've missed a lot. Paige: Yeah. I can't help but think it's kind of all my fault though. I'm the one who lured the Titans here. Insert I told you so. Phoebe: Done. Paige: I just kind of was obsessed with the whole weird dreams thing and... but I am so sorry for any distress I might have caused you, Piper. Piper: Don't worry about it. I should've listened to you in the first place. Just trying not to worry or to panic. I've just got this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Phoebe: What kind of feeling? Piper: That Leo's not coming back. Phoebe: Oh, sweetie. (She sits beside Piper.) Of course he's coming back. How could he not? Piper: I don't know, it's just something that Chris said about Leo having to go through this alone. I don't know. What the hell is he doing up there? (The dwarf walks in.) Dwarf: Sorry to interrupt but we're all leaving now. Phoebe: Wait, why? Dwarf: Didn't you hear the distress call? The surviving Elders have all been flushed out and they need protection. Paige: Surviving? Dwarf: The Elf will stay behind to take care of the kid while you battle the Titans. Ciao. (He leaves.) Phoebe: Wait, who said anything about us battling the Titans? Piper: Leo. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Up There. Chris is there.] Piper: (down below) Leo! (Some doors open and Leo walks in holding an urn.) Leo: Piper. Chris: No. Leo: But she needs me. Chris: Not as much as the rest of us do. You need to stay here, even afterwards, to coordinate. Leo: Alright. Then you should go otherwise the girls won't understand. Chris: Good luck. (Chris orbs out. Leo takes the lid off the urn.) LEo: Ekre oh-gee, akman minento. (A bright light rises out of the urn.) Piper: (down below) Leo! Leo! [Cut tto the living room.] Piper: Leo, for god's sakes, if you can hear me. (Chris orbs in.) You? Where's Leo? Chris: He's safe. For now. Paige, hi. Paige: Hi. Piper: Forget that. What do you mean for now? Phoebe: What is this about us supposedly battling the Titans? Chris: You're about to find out. Paige: What's that supposed to mean? (A tornado of light swirls around the girls. It disappears and reveals them wearing outfits from ancient Greece. Phoebe has extremely long and thick blonde hair. Paige is holding onto a trident. Phoebe gasps. Chris smiles.) Chris: That's what that means. Paige: What happened? What are we? Chris: You're gods. To be continued...

When there is a freak heat wave, Paige is worried that there may be something demonic behind the weird weather and sets out to figure out why. Phoebe tries to deal with life with Jason in Hong Kong and helps Elise organize a bachelor auction at P3. Piper and Leo have to use their therapy tools when Leo is called up to the Elders. The Titans are released from a long slumber and begin going after Whitelighters, and all of the magical creatures from San Francisco come to the manor in an effort to get the Charmed Ones to save them. Paige gets turned to stone after she summons one of the Titans, and almost dies before a strange Whitelighter, named Chris Perry, appears and sends the Titan away. Piper finds out that the Titans are going after Whitelighters so they can go after the Elders and tells Leo. While he is up there, Leo begins blaming Chris, but finds out that he has to turn Piper, Phoebe, and Paige into mythological Goddesses themselves in order for them to defeat the Titans. Now all-powerful Goddesses, the Charmed Ones must try not to be seduced by their new powers and stay focused on vanquishing The Titans before they destroy all Whitelighters and Elders. Piper, wields the powers of the Goddess of Earth, Phoebe is the Goddess of Love, and Paige is the Goddess of War. Meanwhile, Leo becomes an Elder as a reward for his actions, turning Piper's life upside-down. Her loss and anger consumes her, allowing the Charmed Ones to destroy The Titans. Chris is made the Charmed Ones' new Whitelighter. Piper's anger at Leo causes her to take her anger out on the world, but her sisters get through to her and Leo takes away her pain so she can move on. After Leo asks Chris to take care of the girls, Chris secretly banishes Leo as he orbs away.

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ACT ONE TEASER: [EXT: WOODED AREA. The scene opens in or near a forest clearing and turns to focus on a burned-out building. Crows are cawing. The chimney is left standing amongst blackened timber supports. FIREMEN are crawling all over the place. One walks through the building, instructing others.] FIREMAN 1: Saunders, Dubovich, check these hot spots and we're good to go. [He turns into what is left of a room and addresses the fireman in it. CONNOR is probably played by Bruno Amato, though iMDb does not address him by name.] FIREMAN 1: What's up, Connor? Hey, pop this wardrobe. Don't want a flare-up dragging us back out here this weekend. CONNOR: Yeah. [CONNOR is wearing a firefighter helmet emblazoned with the number 92. He takes a fire extinguisher to the wardrobe standing near them. It opens, revealing a skeleton with gray hair, wearing an antique wedding dress. This is "The Witch in the Wardrobe".] CONNOR: Whoa! [FIREMAN 1 turns in surprise and stares at the skeleton.] CONNOR: That's a new one on me. [The image of the skeleton fades out until we can see just its skull over an image of the Jeffersonian crew arriving sometime later. BRENNAN and BOOTH exit his Suburban, while ANGELA and HODGINS have come in a Prius. They all make their way toward the house. Everyone is wearing Jeffersonian jumpsuits except BOOTH, who is in his typical clothes with beige trench coat. A sheriff car is parked nearby.] [Unsurprisingly, BRENNAN and BOOTH are engaged in another heated discussion.] BRENNAN: Order in successful societies depends upon enforced rules. BOOTH: People can do the right thing left on their own. BRENNAN: History shows otherwise. A weak government will always spawn mutiny and rebellion. [The camera turns to reveal two officers standing with the car. One disappears quickly, and the one who remains is SHERIFF GUS ABRAMS, played by Wade Williams and hereafter referred to as SHERIFF.] BOOTH: You don't believe in human decency under any circumstances? BRENNAN: Not as a means of controlling a population, no. The result would be anarchy. SHERIFF: I have to say I agree with the pretty lady on this one. Without the strong arm of the law, we're animals. [He tips his hat.] Sheriff Gus Abrams, thank you for coming out here. BRENNAN: What caused the fire? [BRENNAN and BOOTH follow the SHERIFF into the house, while ANGELA and HODGINS remain outside.] SHERIFF: Well, it could be arson. The fire boys say they didn't find any sign of an accelerant. The source of the flame looks like a lit candle. BRENNAN: Was someone killed? SHERIFF: Well, that's why we asked for you people. [They all enter the area of the house with the opened wardrobe. SHERIFF and BRENNAN are looking at the skeleton when BOOTH comes in, having taken the long way around. We see ANGELA and HODGINS have moved to do their thing at the side of the house.] BOOTH [stepping over piles of stuff]: Whoa-ho. [He comes around and sees the skeleton. This will be later referred to Skeleton 1.] BOOTH: Whoa! Okay. Is that real, Bones? [BRENNAN is touching the skeleton's mandible, studying the neck area.] BRENNAN: Yes. SHERIFF [uncomfortably]: I was hoping "no." BRENNAN: The bones were already dry and de-fleshed prior to the fire. [Focus on ANGELA and HODGINS unpacking near some rocks.] BRENNAN [cont]: The victim was elderly, female. [She leans in.] Oh! BOOTH [looking up from his notes]: "Oh"? Wait, you usually don't say "oh." BRENNAN: It was an indication of my surprise. BOOTH: Well, I know that, but why? BRENNAN: The bones have been rearticulated. SHERIFF: Is that bad? BRENNAN: The skeleton has been reassembled, quite amateurishly. [She indicates the lower arm.] See how the right ulna has been placed with the left radius? BOOTH [semi-sarcastically, pretending he gets it]: Yeah, shoddy. That's shoddy work. [We return to ANGELA, who is kneeling by the rocks and taking a photo.] ANGELA: Hey, guys? Yeah? Uh, Hodgins noticed that there's a path all the way around the house. [Aerial shot of BOOTH crossing the "room" to look at what they are talking about. There is a circle of what looks like gray ash, about a foot wide, around the house.] HODGINS: And Angela noticed that it was a circle. BOOTH: Looks like it acted as a firebreak. HODGINS: Also dusted with some fine powder. [Crows caw. BRENNAN looks up intuitively. The birds are perched in a bare tree some distance away.] SHERIFF: Oh, those are crows. You city people may not be familiar. [BRENNAN moves to the birds. The others follow and the crows scatter.] BRENNAN: Crows are carrion birds, Sheriff. They scavenge for fresh kill. BOOTH: Uh-oh, when she starts flopping her elbows like that, she's hot on the trail for something. [BOOTH and the others cross the house, following BRENNAN.] ANGELA: Well, I don't want to think about what she's after. [They all arrive where BRENNAN is tentatively approaching a bundle in another part of the house. Close-ups reveal a partially crushed skull, mouth open, and covered in a white substance. Everybody, meet Skeleton 2.] BRENNAN: Booth? BOOTH: Yeah? [BRENNAN points.] BOOTH: Oh. Okay, oh. Let's get this... [They begin lifting objects from on top of the remains. After a minute they reveal the body. The skeleton is wearing red shoes.] ALL: Whoa! ANGELA: Oh, God. [She is anticipating HODGINS' next move:] D-don't say it. HODGINS: Oh, I've got to. "We aren't in Kansas anymore." [There is a pause as the skeleton's feet curl.] BOOTH: Whoa, okay. I don't like it when dead things move. Did you see that? It was moving there. [HODGINS and BRENNAN kneel down, interested. Close-up on the red shoes as the screen blurs to a cut.] [INT: JEFFERSONIAN. The bodies are on tables on the platform. CAM swipes her card and walks up the stairs.] CAM: Who do you want to start with? The Wicked Witch of the East over here-East, right? CLARK: Right. Uh, she wore the red shoes. BRENNAN: We should start with the more recent remains. CAM: Which are sealed up. [She puts on gloves.] What is it with this job and corpses encased in mystery wrap? CLARK: Dr. Hodgins says it's most likely polystyrene ceiling insulation that melted in the fire and coated the body. BRENNAN: Could he explain the sparkle? CLARK: Fluorescent bulbs exploded afterward, shattering over the polystyrene. BRENNAN: Perhaps you and Dr. Hodgins can find a way to unseal the remains. CAM: Well, let me see if I can get in here. [She inserts a magnification tool into the skeleton's nasal cavity. Meanwhile, CLARK is pointing to x-rays of the arms.] CLARK: Wire ligatures around the wrists indicate foul play. CAM: No evidence of smoke inhalation. She was dead before the fire. [She stands and looks at Skeleton 1.] CAM: Now... that one is just weird. BRENNAN: These bones were found in a sealed wardrobe. It preserved her in fire. CLARK: Uh, female, also Caucasian. Uh, 40 to 50 years old. BRENNAN: There's evidence of spinal kyphosis, which would have given her a hunched posture. This stain, here on the forehead, is the result of contact with copper. I've seen this before in disinterred bodies because of the copper hardware on coffins. CAM: So, somebody robbed a grave, strung together a skeleton and stuck it in a wedding dress? BRENNAN: That's a reasonable conclusion. CLARK: These are greenstick fractures. Extreme force was applied to the chest. And there's a clean-edged indentation of the spinous processes, L2 and L3. BRENNAN: Thoracic crushing, combined with the puncture wound... This woman was subjected to a kind of torture that was used in the 17th century. CAM: Torture? BRENNAN: These injuries are consistent with a form of punishment used during the Salem Witch Trials. [Close-up on the skeleton's skull, wisps of gray hair spread over the table.] CAM [OS]: She was a witch? [CUT to MAIN TITLE THEME and CREDITS.] ACT TWO [EXT: ROAD. A Prius drives toward the camera. ANGELA and HODGINS are in the Prius, leaving the crime scene.] ANGELA [from inside car]: You know what I think? I think Cam sent us both to the crime scene because of the tension between us. [Camera is now inside the car. HODGINS is driving. ANGELA is fiddling with her camera, not looking at him.] HODGINS: "Tension"? Hey, there's no tension between us. ANGELA: Yeah, at first I thought it was because I'm suddenly--I don't know--available again. And then I thought maybe it was because you think that I treated Wendell badly. [She looks at him.] HODGINS: Hold on. Wendell said that it was totally mutual. He said that you were wonderful. ANGELA: I'm not sure how I feel about you two discussing me. HODGINS: Not "discussing" you. Complimenting you. [She gives him a look.] HODGINS: Okay, fine. No more compliments. [pause] You don't look good today. Your smile is ordinary at best, and it is not cool that we finally get to work together again in the field. ANGELA: Okay, that's fine. I can live with that. [There is a beep from the camera as she finds a picture to show him.] ANGELA: Yeah, this symbol is very creepy on this chimney. HODGINS: All right, let me see. ANGELA: See? HODGINS: Oh, yeah. It could be a lot of things. [He is distracted by the pictures and outside the car, we see he drifts across the lane. There is an alarm from inside the car and he jerks the car back to safety.] HODGINS: Whoa! What is that? ANGELA: Oh, the Prius helps you stay in your lane. [She indicates an area of the console.] That's kind of cool. HODGINS: It is cool. Let's do that again. [He does. The SHERIFF is driving behind him, sees him swerve lanes and turns on the sirens.] HODGINS: Oh, that is not cool. ANGELA: I didn't even see him there. That's pretty sneaky. Pull over. I'll pour on the charm. [They pull over. SHERIFF approaches the car. HODGINS sees him in the side windows] HODGINS: It's Sheriff Abrams from the crime scene. ANGELA: Oh. HODGINS: Oh, perfect. SHERIFF: Good afternoon, sir. I observed you crossing the double-yellow. How much have you had to drink today? HODGINS: Sheriff Abrams, it's us. Hodgins and Angela. We just left the crime scene. We're heading up north to drop off our stuff at the lab. SHERIFF: I know, Dr. Hodgins. I'm just following the law. Have you had anything to drink today? ANGELA [flirting]: Hi, Sheriff. Listen, um, I really do like a man in uniform who loves his job. So, uh, neither one of us has had anything to drink. No. SHERIFF [leaning down]: Hello, Ms. Montenegro. But I'm afraid I need the driver to respond. HODGINS [sarcastically]: Yeah, yeah, I've had several martinis, some absinthe and a barrel of mead. SHERIFF: License and registration, please. ANGELA: He was kidding. He's just being an idiot. SHERIFF: You, too, please. [CUT.] [INT: DINER. SWEETS, BRENNAN and BOOTH are seated at the bar.] SWEETS: A real Salem witch? That's awesome! BOOTH: Relax. Simmer down. BRENNAN: The strontium isotope results verify Massachusetts. SWEETS: Oh! Can I see it? BOOTH: What's the big deal? SWEETS: My first published work concerned the collective sociopathology behind the Salem Witch Trials. I'm a leading expert. BOOTH: Shrinkery meets witchery. [To BRENNAN] Now, your head's probably about ready to explode, huh? BRENNAN: It's a completely acceptable arena of study, even for a psychologist. SWEETS: Thank you. At last, I feel validated. BRENNAN: Most cultures believe that some sort of supernatural power can be elicited through ritual. Like, uh, you going to church. BOOTH: Right. Well, at least I don't ride there on my broomstick. SWEETS: Most witches align themselves with the Wiccans, but witchcraft is an extremely heterogeneous subject which encompasses the dark arts like evil spells, sacrifices... BOOTH: So you're saying this creepy, old witch came back from the dead to kill this victim? BRENNAN: No. SWEETS: No, no. Of course not, but we are talking about a three-century-year-old body that was rearticulated and costumed as a virgin, are we not, Dr. Brennan? BRENNAN: Well, given that women in those times were expected to be virgins on their wedding days, that's... reasonable. SWEETS: I want to work on the case. BOOTH: What are you going to do, cast a spell? Heh. SWEETS: I want to see if I could find a link between the old witch and the new witch. BOOTH: All right, you know what? Go for it. It's all yours. BRENNAN: There's no evidence that the other victim was a witch. BOOTH: Aside from the fact that she was wearing red slippers and her feet curled up after she was dead. [His phone rings.] BOOTH [into phone]: Booth. SWEETS: What? BRENNAN: There's a completely scientific explanation for it. BOOTH [into phone, repeating what he's been told]: B-Y-R-D, Cheri Byrd. [He hangs up.] BOOTH: That creepy house belonged to a woman by the name of Cheri Byrd, and she has a surviving brother. [CUT.] [INT: BOOTH'S OFFICE. BOOTH is there with the victim's brother JESSE, played by Peter Holden.] JESSE: Are you sure it's Cheri? BOOTH: Dental records confirm her identity. When was the last time you spoke to your sister? JESSE: Two, three months ago. Someone made an offer on the house. Our grandfather left it to us both. I wanted to sell. She refused. We haven't spoken since. BOOTH: You don't seem too surprised that she's dead. JESSE: Cheri and I used to be really close. You know, but, uh, last ten years, she got into some really... weird stuff. BOOTH: Witchcraft? JESSE: Yeah. BOOTH: Mm-hmm. JESSE: Started ordering us to call her Zephyra. I told her I wouldn't. Thought it was stupid. BOOTH: The fact that she didn't sell the house, that didn't get you upset or angry? JESSE: No. No, I didn't care about the money. I, I wanted her to move to the city. Thought her mind might go back to normal if she saw more people. BOOTH: Who wanted to buy the house? JESSE: Guy named Mario Trivisini, Trivisonno... Making some big development. Said Cheri's place was the key. BOOTH: "The key," why? JESSE: Lake access. When Cheri said no, he had to give up on the whole project. [CUT.] [INT: HODGINS' OFFICE. CLARK is performing an experiment in HODGINS' absence. There is a contraption with solutions trickling into Styrofoam cups. CLARK tinkers with it. CAM appears in the doorway.] CAM: Oh. You're not Hodgins. CLARK: He's not here, and I can't wait any longer. CAM [puzzled]: Wait for what? CLARK: Dr. Brennan wants me to identify the best solvent to remove polystyrene from the bones. So I put myself in the mindset of Dr. Hodgins and came up with this experiment. CAM: I have a new appreciation for Dr. Hodgins. [There is an awkward pause.] CLARK: ...Okay. [He continues, indicating.] This device slowly fills each polystyrene cup up with kerosene, propylene, turpentine, hydrochloric acid and... [He turns the last one on.] CLARK: ...acetone. Oh! [We see the acetone cup has entirely melted.] CLARK [pleased]: Acetone! [As the cup melts into the bowl it lands in, the bowl overbalances and tips, bumping the other bowls. CLARK: Whoa! Oh! [They all fall and CLARK quickly turns off the chemicals.] [CAM is watching with a hint of exasperation and amusement. She is clearly not getting involved.] CAM: It's not like Hodgins to be late. Can you come get me as soon as he shows up? CLARK: Mm-hmm. [She prepares to leave, then pauses.] CAM: And I think the acetone is eating through your shoes. CLARK: What? [He looks down.] Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. Oh, I love these shoes. [He wipes them frantically with paper towel.] [CUT.] [INT: JAIL. SHERIFF is on the phone down the hall and we pan to ANGELA and HODGINS. They are in a cell.] HODGINS [sounding jaded]: We live in a fascist state. ANGELA: If you know that, then why did you taunt the guy with the gun? HODGINS: You expect me to just roll over? ANGELA: No. Praying that you do, though. [The camera shows SHERIFF approaching.] ANGELA: Okay, here he comes. Listen, Hodgins, be nice, or I will cause you great pain. [SHERIFF comes to the cell.] HODGINS: So, uh, have we cleared this up, Officer? SHERIFF: Not quite. Now the problem is that Miss Montenegro here is a criminal. I found an outstanding bench warrant on you, young lady. HODGINS: What? ANGELA: For what? SHERIFF: For defying a notice to appear on a speeding charge. ANGELA: Oh. Yeah, well, that, I didn't speed. SHERIFF: But you did defy a bench warrant, which is worse than speeding. And Dr. Hodgins, you also have a warrant for escaping police custody during a Freedom of Information protest eight years ago. HODGINS: People have a right to know. SHERIFF: But not a right to run away. [HODGINS and ANGELA both clearly think this is ridiculous.] ANGELA: Okay... all right, listen. I will appear, and Hodgins will... surrender, as soon as we get back, okay? Word of honor. SHERIFF: It's not up to me. I can't let you go until the judge rules on your warrants. HODGINS: Well, when will that be? SHERIFF: Whenever one shows up. In the meantime, I suggest you two make the best of things, the best you can. HODGINS: Hey! No. Hey! [He turns to ANGELA.] HODGINS [incredulously]: Speeding? ANGELA [annoyed]: Don't you dare. [CUT.] ACT THREE [INT: FBI INTERROGATION ROOM. BOOTH enters with a file in his hand. The camera pants to MARIO, who is completely bald. He is played by Joel Polis.] BOOTH: Oh, thanks so much for coming in there, Mr. Trivisi...? MARIO: Trivisonno. Trivisonno Properties. BOOTH: Right. MARIO: So, hey, this is something new, for me to be called in by the FBI. What's this all about? [BOOTH shows MARIO a photo of the house.] MARIO: Yeah. I-I know this house. [He slides the picture back.] BOOTH: Bet you get a good deal on that now, huh? MARIO: Yeah, why is that? [He places his hat on the picture, covering it.] BOOTH [sitting down]: You don't know where I'm going with this, pal? MARIO: Maybe it was your aunt that lived there? [BOOTH waits for him to get it.] MARIO: You're... You're thinking I want to buy the place now? No way. I learned my lesson. BOOTH: What-What do you mean you learned your lesson? MARIO: You see me now? [Holds up license, in which he has a full head of hair.] You see me there? MARIO: See the difference? BOOTH: Yeah. You shaved your head. MARIO: No, I did not shave my head. Your aunt put a curse on me, and all the hairs fell off my body. All the important ones. BOOTH: All right, first of all, Cheri Byrd is not my aunt. And secondly, she's dead. MARIO: Well, here's hoping a curse loses its oomph after the voodoo lady dies. BOOTH: Well, apparently, she was murdered, so, you want to know what I'm thinking? Guy thinks he's cursed, he loses his hair, and he wants her dead. MARIO: No, no. You-you couldn't have got me anywhere near that lady. Not to kill her, not for anything. She painted this symbol on the bricks on the chimney, and inside, there was all this spooky stuff. Black candles. The day she cursed me, there was a dead cat laid out on the dining room table. BOOTH: So, you ditched the project? MARIO: A month ago. I'm a professional. You think I need it to get around that an evil witch lived on the development? I know when to cut and run. [He runs his hand wistfully over his head.] Just wish I'd done it a week earlier. [CUT.] [INT: JEFFERSONIAN. CLARK is inspecting Skeleton 2 as BRENNAN swipes her card to access the platform.] BRENNAN: Hodgins isn't back yet? CLARK: No, but I've made some progress. I found this. Sharp instrument trauma on the xiphoid process of the sternum. And anteriomedial aspect of ribs 1 and 4, bilaterally. BRENNAN: She was stabbed repeatedly. CLARK: Yeah. BRENNAN: Make casts to analyze the striations and kerf characteristics to determine the weapon. CLARK: Oh. [He retrieves a tray, on which there is a glob of resin-like matter in a petri dish.] CLARK: I also found this on the manubrium. BRENNAN: What is it? CLARK: That's a Dr. Hodgins job. If we had him... which we don't. BRENNAN: And you haven't heard from him at all? CLARK: He and Angela never came back last night. And since they used to be intimates, I decided not to push it 'cause that's none of my concern. None at all. It's a little icky, actually. BRENNAN: It's not like them to just disappear; something could be wrong. [The phone rings. They both look at it.] [Cut to the jail. Angela is on the phone. HODGINS is pacing around the cell.] ANGELA: Oh, oh, it's ringing. HODGINS: Just tell them we've got all the evidence from the crime scene. They'll get us out. ANGELA: Okay. [At the lab, BRENNAN reads the phone display: "Angela Montenegro".] [She answers, putting the phone on speaker.] BRENNAN: Angela? [Cut to ANGELA in jail.] ANGELA: Yeah, hi. HODGINS [leaning to phone]: And Hodgins. Help! [Cut to lab.] BRENNAN: Where are you? ANGELA: We're in Berryville. [Jail.] ANGELA: Maryland--we're... in jail. [Lab.] BRENNAN: Wha-why are you in jail? [Jail.] ANGELA: Well, it goes a little like this: uh, Hodgins got pulled over for driving like an old lady. And then we... HODGINS: Yeah, and Angela had an outstanding bench warrant. [Lab.] ANGELA: Oh, you have a warrant, too, Mr. Clean. BRENNAN: Where is the evidence you collected yesterday? HODGINS [through phone]: It's in jail with us. [Jail.] ANGELA: We're stuck here until the judge shows up to set our bail, and who knows when that's going to be. [Lab.] BRENNAN: Well, we need that evidence. I'll tell Cam to come and get you. [Jail. HODGINS grabs the phone.] HODGINS [into phone]: Okay, also, uh, will you tell Clark to throw a blanket over my molting swallowtail caterpillars at 4:30, or they will die. [Lab. BRENNAN looks at CLARK, who makes a face and nods.] BRENNAN: Okay. [She hangs up.] [Cut to jail.] HODGINS [happily]: Yes. ANGELA: Yes! [To Sheriff off-screen.] HODGINS: Well... I'm afraid we might have to check out a little early there, pal. I hope that's okay. BOOTH [OS]: You know, that sheriff out in Podunk was a decent guy. [CUT.] [INT: DINER. BRENNAN, BOOTH and SWEETS are eating.] BOOTH [cont]: I'm sure Hodgins getting arrested, really good reason. SWEETS: So, I've been thinking about dead cats. BRENNAN: That doesn't seem like a good use of your time. SWEETS: Witches, the bad kind, use animal sacrifices in their spells. Black cats are particularly meaningful. BOOTH: I told Sweets that the developer saw a dead cat on the victim's dining room table before he went bald. BRENNAN: What's the connection? BOOTH: He thinks that she put a spell on him. SWEETS: You should talk to their local coven. BOOTH: Wait a second. There's a local coven? SWEETS: Uh-huh. The Circle of Moonwick. BRENNAN: You said that Wiccans were good, whereas the victim was bad. BOOTH: Yeah, they're probably competing for the same eye of newt. BRENNAN: No, Wiccan ceremonies honor nature and the sanctity of life above all else. They don't use eye of newt. SWEETS: Okay, tonight is their Waning Moon ceremony. Now, logged into their website, using the name Lilith82. I, uh, I got directions. [He unfolds a piece of paper and passes down the table.] BOOTH [taking paper]: Witches have websites? Gotta love the Internet, huh? So, witch hunt tonight? BRENNAN: All right. BOOTH: If you bring the candles, I'll bring the broomstick. [CUT.] [INT: JAIL. HODGINS is lying on a bench.] ANGELA [OS]: This is the hardest bench that I have ever sat on in my life. HODGINS: Sat on? Slept on. [He sits up. ANGELA rubs her neck wearily.] ANGELA: My shoulders are killing me. Hodgins [agreeing]: Tell me about it. [pause] Come here. ANGELA: Why? HODGINS: I'll give you a little rub. You know, work out the kinks. [She looks at him.] HODGINS: Are you really that mad at me that you don't want a little massage? ANGELA: Okay. Only because I hurt. [HODGINS begins to rub her shoulders. It's clearly a... very enjoyable massage.] ANGELA: Oh... yeah. Ohh, oh, yes. [Oh, wait. These are unmistakable s*x noises.] ANGELA: Yes, down, down. A little lower. Lower. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you, God. Oh... Hodgins [grinning]: "God" is a little formal. "Hodgins" is fine. ANGELA: Oh, yes. Harder, right there. Right there. Right there, oh... [CAM is approaching.] ANGELA [cont]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... CAM: Looks to me like, uh, you two are doing just fine in here. [Oops. The massage stops and they sheepishly look at CAM.] ANGELA: Oh, uh... HODGINS: Cam! Hey! So? Did you spring us? Cam [to Sheriff]: These two aren't exactly Bonnie and Clyde. Can't you let them go? SHERIFF: Not until the judge gets here. CAM: Well, I'll post bail, pay the fine--whatever. We need them to solve this murder. SHERIFF: You have the evidence. They can be reached here any time to assist. CAM: Don't you think you're being a little... rigid? SHERIFF: You are a law enforcement professional, are you not, ma'am? CAM: Yes, but... SHERIFF: Well, then you know that the law can't be twisted to our will or chaos will ensue. I mean, where does it end? Today, a seemingly minor bench warrant, tomorrow we overlook another piece of paper and a murderer goes free. [CAM fixes him with an incredulous look. He shrugs.] CAM: Wow. You are like the last upright man in America. SHERIFF [bashful]: Well, I wouldn't say that. But I am a good sheriff. [He gives her the box of evidence.] And I love the law. CAM: That's very impressive, Sheriff. [HODGINS and ANGELA have been watching from the jail cell.] HODGINS: Oh, my God, he's getting to her. [CAM returns to them apologetically.] CAM: I'm... sure the judge will be coming soon. ANGELA: No, no, no, no, you're kidding, right? CAM: Sorry. It was like arguing with one of the Founding Fathers. I've got the evidence. We'll talk, okay? ANGELA: Oh, my God. HODGINS: No. ANGELA: Cam! HODGINS: No! ANGELA: Cam? CAM: See you guys later. HODGINS: Hey! [CUT.] [EXT: MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. Nighttime. BRENNAN and BOOTH are crunching through the bushes, armed with a flashlight. They speak in hushed whispers.] BRENNAN: Could you not walk so loudly? BOOTH: Don't tell me that you're afraid of witches. BRENNAN: Wiccans, and no, but why waste an opportunity to observe them when they don't know they're being observed? BOOTH: You want to spy on witches? BRENNAN: Wiccans. No, I want you to spy on them, while I study them anthropologically. [They can now see the witc-sorry, Wiccans.] BOOTH: Ground zero. WICCANS: [chanting in Latin. The chant is repeated over and over throughout the whole scene.] [BOOTH and BRENNAN scurry to a larger bush and peep over the top.] BRENNAN: It's fascinating. [The WICCANS continue to chant. One, Rowan, takes a handful of something from a pot and scatters it, then picks something up.] BOOTH: What are they doing with that Blair Witch thingy? BRENNAN: It's a miniature effigy... WICCANS: [chanting, growing in intensity. They light the effigy.] [As BOOTH and BRENNAN watch in surprise, the WICCANS begin dancing to a rhythmic drum beat, removing their robes. They are naked.] BOOTH: Oh... Okay, why is it when things like this happen, it always happens to people you don't want to see naked, huh? [CUT.] [SCENE_BREAK] ACT FOUR [EXT: SAME PLACE. Some time later. The ceremony is over and now BOOTH and BRENNAN walk along a road accompanied by two WICCANS, once more in robes. The blonde is Rowan, played by Kate Vernon, and the brunette is Ember, played by Jillian Bach.] BOOTH: Okay, so we have Rowan and... Eden, right? EMBER: Ember. BOOTH: Ember. Exactly. BRENNAN: Ember? ROWAN: We'll give you the names society assigned to us, but not while in the Sacred Grove. BOOTH: Oh, okay, dancing naked is okay, but Christian names are forbidden. Got it. ROWAN: We weren't doing anything wrong. Why are you disrupting a religious service? BOOTH: You know what happened to your friend Zephyra? BRENNAN [holding up the effigy in a bag]: Is this by any chance a totem representing her? EMBER: We were marking the end of Zephyra's corporeal life. ROWAN: Celebrating the unification of her spirit with the elements. BRENNAN: Why would you do that? Unless she was a member of your coven. ROWAN: She was not one of us. BOOTH: A bad witch. ROWAN: Sadly, Zephyra performed magic for profit. She was known to use human relics. BRENNAN: Such as the body of a Salem witch? ROWAN: I don't know where she would get something like that, but that would be an immensely powerful relic, yes. BOOTH: Oh, so she has other clients. Well, we're going to have to talk to them. ROWAN: The dark arts are fragile, Agent Booth. Zephyra's clients employed her to do evil. BOOTH: Bad people getting other bad people to do bad things. [CUT.] [INT: BONE ROOM. CLARK is inspecting a bone through a microscope.] CAM [with box]: What's that? CLARK: Fragments of the hyoid and the throat cartilage. Some of the smaller bones were broken when the house collapsed. They're very difficult to clean. I may need to go back in with the acetone. CAM [setting down and unpacking box]: Well, it's time to multi-task. I have the evidence Angela and Hodgins gathered from the scene. CLARK: I thought your intention was to bring back Hodgins and Angela. CAM: Well, they had to wait for the judge, and you can't bend the law to help your friends. CLARK: So... we're going to do this without them. CAM: Well, they can coach us and consult, but, yeah, it's you and me. CLARK [holding up a tube of dirt warily]: So you expect me to deal with dirt. Great. [CUT.] [INT: JAIL CELL. A small object just misses the mouth of a Styrofoam cup on the floor. The camera pans back to reveal ANGELA and HODGINS sitting on the floor.] HODGINS: Ooh, close, but now I'm up 18 cents. ANGELA: Yeah, for now. [She throws and it lands in the cup.] HODGINS: Nice! ANGELA: Oh, yes! HODGINS: Wow! ANGELA: Only 17. HODGINS: Do you realize how long it's been since we've spent this much time together? Outside the lab, I mean? ANGELA: Yeah, I know. God. I keep thinking about that, that crappy cabin that we stayed in, in the mountains. Do you remember that? 30 degrees, there was no heat. HODGINS: Yeah. Oh, man, this jail is way better than that cabin. ANGELA: That was a good weekend, though. HODGINS: Mm-hmm. Keeping warm. ANGELA: Yeah. [There is a noise and they both look up. SHERIFF is wheeling a computer to them.] SHERIFF: Your lab called. This computer may not be state-of-the-art, but we got the Internets. HODGINS: Sure. Let's, uh, throw some coal in that thing and fire it up. [CUT.] [INT: BOOTH'S OFFICE. BOOTH is exiting but SWEETS arrives with an enormous stack of books.] SWEETS [nearly crashing into him]: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Cheri Byrd was a dark witch, perhaps even a Satanist. BOOTH: Yeah, well, the Wiccans really seemed afraid of her. What is all this? SWEETS: Well, I found the transcripts of the Salem Witch Trials. I thought maybe we could identify the remains that Cheri Byrd dressed up in the wedding dress. Check that out. BOOTH [reading]: "Prudence Sullivan, female. 48 years of age, of small stature with back bent as though burdened by great weight of guilt"? SWEETS: Guilt. Yeah, it sort of matches Dr. Brennan's description, right? Check this out. BOOTH: "Old, short, hunched over." Sounds like every other witch. SWEETS: No, no, no, that's a stereotype. 48 is old? BOOTH: Well, it was back then. I can't believe you got all this stuff. SWEETS: Okay, trust me, a Salem witch doesn't just show up in Maryland. Her grave was robbed for a reason. I know my witches, all right? [The books fall.] BOOTH: Sorry. SWEETS: Ah! BOOTH: Just put it down. Relax. Slow down. Just sit. SWEETS: I did so... BOOTH: Shh! SWEETS: ...so much reading. [CUT.] [INT: LAB. CAM and CLARK look at HODGINS and ANGELA via the video link.] CLARK: Nice cell. HODGINS [on camera]: It's not much, but we call it home. ANGELA: Yeah, we're thinking of redoing the kitchen. HODGINS [looking at resiny substance]: Okay, it's amber. Uh, it melts at 400 to 700 degrees Fahrenheit--temperatures easily reached in the fire. ANGELA: Is that a bug in there? HODGINS: Oh, yeah, baby. Check out those tibial bristles. [SHERIFF leans in to see. He is wedged between the computer and the cell bars. His head appears on camera and CAM chuckles under her breath.] ANGELA: There's plenty of room in here, Sheriff, if you want to join us. SHERIFF [standing quickly]: Oh, that's against regulations. HODGINS: Okay, you can verify with the Entomology Department, but I'm fairly certain we're looking at Nedocosia naiba. It's a fungus gnat. CLARK: Okay, does that help with time of death? HODGINS: No. This gnat would have had his last fungus about a hundred million years ago in the Lower Cretaceous. ANGELA [jokingly]: Hmm. So, if we remove the DNA, we could re-create dinosaurs, right? HODGINS: It was probably an amber pendant from an ordinary piece of jewelry. ANGELA [looking in]: What's with the hair? CLARK: What hair? HODGINS: Oh, yeah, she's right. Hey, check out the speck at three o'clock. The amber probably picked up a piece of hair when it melted in the fire. CLARK: But our victim's hair was gray and wavy. HODGINS: Yeah, but this one is dark. CAM: Well, if the root bulb's present, it could be an indicator that the hair was forcibly removed. SHERIFF: So it could be from the perp. [They all look at him.] SHERIFF: I'm sorry. Caught up in the thrill of the chase. CAM: I'll run DNA. So how are you guys doing? ANGELA: Uh, well, I mean, we'd-we'd like to get out of here, if that's what you mean. CAM: I'm sure you will. Thanks, guys. [CUT.] [INT: PLATFORM. BRENNAN is leaning over remains and CAM enters.] CAM: The hair in the amber gave us a hit. CODIS says it belongs to one Murray Huddler, convicted of assault in 2008, paroled last October. Now this may possibly go towards motive. [She brings up an article onscreen.] CAM: It certainly goes toward "creepy coincidence." BRENNAN [reading]: "Dumped Hubby Decks Attorney." So this man was incarcerated for assaulting his ex-wife's attorney? CAM: Huddler's wife dumped him, hosed him in a divorce, then married the lawyer that represented her. But look at this. [She zooms in on wedding picture.] CAM: Anything look familiar to you? BRENNAN [pointing to wedding dress]: She's wearing this dress. [CUT.] ACT FIVE [INT: FBI INTERROGATION ROOM. BOOTH is interrogating MURRAY HUDDLER, played by Chris Ufland.] BOOTH: Murray Huddler. MURRAY: Yeah. BOOTH: You know a woman by the name of Cheri Byrd? MURRAY: No. BOOTH: How about a witch named Zephyra? MURRAY. Oh. BOOTH: Oh, yeah, I'll take that as a yes. MURRAY: I hired her. BOOTH: Hired her for...? MURRAY: To put a hex on my bitch ex-wife, okay? Is that illegal? BOOTH: Well, Zephyra's dead. She was murdered, house torched. MURRAY: You think I did it. BOOTH: Well, I don't know. Depends how much you paid for the hex. MURRAY: Two grand up front. Three if it took. BOOTH: Did it take? MURRAY: No, it did not take. BOOTH: Ooh. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking you killed Zephyra, and in the struggle, she yanked out some of your hair. MURRAY: No, I gave her my hair for the spell. That and my ex-wife's wedding dress. BOOTH: Right. [He pulls out a knife in an evidence bag.] BOOTH: We found that in your truck. MURRAY: That's not what you think it is. I went fishing on Friday. BOOTH: Fishing? Okay, right. But you do know if this blade matches the stab marks on Cheri Byrd's bones, that could spell trouble for you. CLARK [OS]: Huddler's fishing knife. [CUT.] [INT: BONE ROOM. CLARK, CAM and BRENNAN gather around.] CLARK [cont]: ...is thin, very sharp on one edge, and has a slight curve at the tip. BRENNAN: The blade that made these cuts is thicker, evenly tapered and sharp on both edges, like a dagger. CAM: Definitely not a match. BRENNAN: What's this? CLARK: Fragments of the hyoid and throat cartilage, damaged by a fire and crushed by a house. The acetone probably didn't help. BRENNAN: These bones certainly resemble the hyoid and surrounding cartilage, but not all of these are human. CLARK: What? [They all lean in.] [CUT.] [INT: JAIL HALLWAY. HODGINS and ANGELA are consulting online.] ANGELA: Okay, is this whole witchy thing about to get creepier? BRENNAN: This looks like part of a tiny joint. I believe these bones are the incomplete skeleton of a small animal. What do you think? HODGINS: You know, it's a little outside my expertise, but they look like bat bones to me. You missed that, Clark? BRENNAN: Clark's error is completely understandable, given the condition of these remains and the bizarre nature of these circumstances. CLARK: Thank you, Dr. Brennan. HODGINS: Yeah, but I made the call on a piece-of-crap cathode-ray tube while in jail. CLARK: Oh, that's right: you're a criminal. CAM: Are we thinking a woman had a bat shoved down her throat? Yes, that's exactly what happened. CLARK: Well, thank you, Dr. Hodgins. [He disables video link.] HODGINS: What? ANGELA: Ugh... HODGINS [holding up penny]: Another round? ANGELA: Really? You sure? You're down 31 cents. [Skip to when HODGINS has tried to throw the penny in the cup again.] HODGINS [penny misses cup]: Oh! ANGELA: Yes! 32. [She retrieves the penny. There is a long pause. They look at each other, smiles fading.] HODGINS [suspiciously]: What? ANGELA: Do you ever wonder what happened to us? On the day we broke up? HODGINS: Yeah, every day. I run through that conversation word-for-word. ANGELA: Me, too. HODGINS: You said, "All you had to do was trust me." ANGELA: And you said, "Hey, you're the one who's leaving." HODGINS: And then you said, "You're the one who isn't stopping me." ANGELA: And I left. HODGINS: Yeah. ANGELA: Right. Well, I wish I hadn't. HODGINS: The biggest regret of my life is I didn't stop you. ANGELA: Yeah, what was up with that? HODGINS: Uh... I panicked. I lost faith that I could sustain that kind of happiness. ANGELA: Hmm. You talk to Sweets? HODGINS: Kid's got the goods. ANGELA: Yeah. It was like we were both playing chicken, and then we... we both swerved. HODGINS: What we should have done is crashed right into each other. ANGELA: At the speed of light. [There is a pause. They look at each other. They both close the distance between them and kiss passionately.] SHERIFF: The judge is here. [They break apart awkwardly. HODGINS clears his throat and looks at JUDGE FLOYD BARBER, played by William Stanford Davis. He is wearing a jacket and bowtie.] HODGINS: The judge is a barber. JUDGE: Keeps me grounded. SHERIFF: And it's against the rules for prisoners to fraternize sexually while in custody. JUDGE: Maybe give it a rest, huh, Gus? Let's get you two out of here. [Left to themselves, ANGELA and HODGINS look at each other for a moment, then smile and lace their fingers together.] [CUT.] [EXT: DINER. We see BOOTH and BRENNAN through the window.] BOOTH: Bat bones? BRENNAN: Myotis albescens. It's not indigenous to the United States, but the bones are available online. BOOTH. Like everything else. I'll look into it. [Inside the diner, SWEETS enters hurriedly. We follow him to the table.] SWEETS: So, I think I've identified our skeleton bride. BOOTH: Look at that! BRENNAN: You identified human remains? SWEETS: Dr. Brennan, you said that the woman was subjected to a form of torture known as "pressing," right? BRENNAN: Yes. That's how I surmised we were dealing with the remains of a Salem witch. SWEETS: In fact, only one Salem witch died as a result of pressing. Well, one female; there was an 80-year-old man... you don't, you don't care about the old man, do you? BOOTH [reading]: Emily Quimby, died November 1692. SWEETS: Buried in Salem in unconsecrated ground, of course, but her grave was robbed six months ago. BRENNAN: You think the victim dug up the old witch's bones to increase her own power? SWEETS: Absolutely. BRENNAN: This is interesting, but not pertinent to the case. SWEETS: Wait for it. BOOTH: Wait for it. Here it is. SWEETS: Upon finding Emily Quimby's grave, I, uh, researched her family tree, and there's a 16-generation remove, but look. BOOTH [reading]: "Mary Harden Trent." SWEETS: Direct descendant. BRENNAN: Why is that name familiar? SWEETS: Mary Harden Trent is a member of the Circle of Moonwick Coven. Her witch name is "Ember." BOOTH: Oh, digging up Great-Grandma is not the worst motive for murder I've ever heard. [CUT.] [INT: JAIL HALLWAY. JUDGE and SHERIFF are walking toward the cell.] JUDGE: All right, what I'm doing here is releasing you two on your own recognizance. ANGELA: Oh, thank you. HODGINS: Yes, we will pay our fines and make our court appearances. JUDGE: I'm sure you will. Gus will come after you if you don't follow the letter of the law. Let me notarize this stuff and get you on your way. HODGINS: Thank you. How long did he say he'd be gone? [CUT.] [INT: FBI INTERROGATION ROOM with BOOTH, BRENNAN and MARY HARDEN TRENT. BOOTH: Mary Harden Trent. That is your signature, correct? EMBER: Yes, though I prefer to go by "Ember." BOOTH: Okay, what do you say we just step outside your little magic forest, stay on point, okay? Our credit card records show that you purchased bat bones online. That true? EMBER: Bat bones are an integral part of my religion. BOOTH: Did you shove those bat bones down her throat before or after you stabbed her? EMBER: No! No, I swear upon the goddess that I'm incapable of such violence. BRENNAN: How tall are you? EMBER: Five-two? BRENNAN: She may be too small to inflict the injuries that killed our victim. BOOTH [thumbing through a large book]: She may be small, but she's full of anger. [He drops the book onto the table with a bang.] BOOTH: There. That is your great-great-something-grandmother Emily Quimby. BRENNAN: She was a witch, too. EMBER: Yes, and she didn't deserve to die. BOOTH: What, did you boast to Zephyra that witchism ran in your family? BRENNAN: Then she dug up your ancestor's bones to use them in what you call "dark rites." EMBER: What are you talking about? How could anyone do something like that? I-I had no idea! [CUT.] ACT SIX [INT: JEFFERSONIAN HALLWAY. BRENNAN is walking swiftly and SWEETS follows. CLARK is approaching. They all enter the bone room.] CLARK: Dr. Brennan. I finally got the results back on the powder Dr. Hodgins collected on the pathway around the victim's house. SWEETS: Oh, the circular path. Yeah, yeah. Usually the person standing inside the circle is safe from the dark forces. In this case, oddly, everything inside the circle was destroyed. CLARK: So the powder was... BRENNAN: Angela isn't here for a computer re-creation, so we have to make do. [CLARK distributes rubber gloves.] BRENNAN: Please hold 1 and 4 in the proper position. Sweets, it's bilateral; do the same. Booth believes a witch named Ember to be the killer, but the victim was a large heavily muscled woman. CLARK: But Ember wasn't strong enough. BRENNAN: I observed her in the woods. She and the other Wiccans were standing in a circle, taking turns with their ceremonial object. These stab marks... reflect a similar pattern. [She goes to the wall where x-rays are displayed.] BRENNAN: Now these injuries... are clustered. [She takes a pen and marks the points on the x-ray.] Five groupings of three. CLARK: So a total of 15 strikes. SWEETS: In the same pattern as the dots on the chimney. [BRENNAN links the marks to create a pentagram.] SWEETS [cont]: It's a pentagram. It's an ancient Wiccan symbol that stands for solidarity--some say sisterhood. BRENNAN: There are 15 women in the Circle of Moonwick. [She circles the points.] Ember alone wasn't the killer. The entire coven took part. SWEETS: No, they're Wiccans, though. They're white witches. They stand for goodness. CLARK: What if they were stoned out of their minds? [SWEETS and BRENNAN look at him incredulously.] CLARK: Look, the powder on the path is called Secale cereale: rye flour. And it's infested with the fungus Claviceps purpurea. BRENNAN: Formed in the ergot stage of fungal development. It's hallucinogenic--the natural substance from which LSD is derived. SWEETS: Yes. It was used for ceremonial purposes centuries ago in Salem. Some people think that the exact same substance was responsible for the hysteria surrounding the Witch Trials in the first place. CLARK: Those naked ladies were trippin'. SWEETS: Add that to their rituals, they may have thought the demon they were slaying was real. [CUT.] [INT: FBI CONFERENCE ROOM. All Wiccans are present, with SWEETS, BRENNAN and BOOTH.] ROWAN: Wiccans do not ingest any kind of consciousness-altering drugs. BOOTH: Not on purpose. SWEETS: We believe you were performing a ritual meant to keep Zephyra's evil from spreading past the circle. BRENNAN: A ritual using rye flour. ROWAN: We use rye flour in many ceremonies. SWEETS: Yeah, and it has LSD fungus in it. It's what made you afraid of Zephyra. You thought that her obsession with the black arts could destroy you. BRENNAN: You also knew that she had Ember's ancestor's bones on her side. BOOTH: You're, you're, you're good witches. You're nice people. You don't lie, but when you make a mistake, you want to make that mistake right, right? EMBER: We were just trying to help. We wanted Zephyra to live in harmony, but she kept cursing at us and casting spells. We were just trying to restore the balance. [CUT.] [INT: JAIL CELL. HODGINS and ANGELA are facing each other with their hands joined. The camera pans up to reveal the JUDGE and SHERIFF standing nearby.] JUDGE: Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today to join in holy wedded matrimony Angela Pearly Gates Montenegro and Jack Stanley Hodgins IV. ANGELA: Um, there's, um, there's one small problem. HODGINS: Please don't change your mind. ANGELA: Oh, no. That's not it. It's, um... that's not my real name. JUDGE: How bad could it be? HODGINS: Yeah, did you get mine? It's Stanley. ANGELA: Yeah, uh... yeah. Well, my dad is, um, he's sort of unique, and, well, he's Texan, and, uh... other things, so... do you mind if I just, if I whisper it to you? JUDGE: That'll work. HODGINS: Thank you. [ANGELA whispers her name to the JUDGE, who makes a surprised face and nods.] JUDGE: We are here to wed these two people. Vows? HODGINS: Vows. Um... Angela-- or whatever your name is... I'm your guy. ANGELA: Stanley... we're gonna live together and we're gonna love together and we're gonna have so much fun, and a little pain, and we're gonna live a life that's gonna make other people die with jealousy wishing they were us. JUDGE: Do you have rings? HODGINS: Yes, yes. [He pulls out a gold wedding band.] ANGELA: Where'd you get that? HODGINS: I've kept this in my wallet since our first wedding. SHERIFF [suspiciously]: What? HODGINS [assuring him]: No, we didn't go through with it. Where'd you get that? ANGELA: I'll tell you later. HODGINS: Oh. Oh... ANGELA: Yeah. JUDGE: You may exchange the rings. [They exchange rings. The ring ANGELA gives HODGINS is small, and they put it on his little finger instead.] JUDGE: By the power vested in me and the state of Maryland, I now pronounce you [HODGINS and ANGELA kiss] husband and wife. You may... [They are already kissing. The SHERIFF tosses confetti on them in an adorably enthusiastic manner. They continue kissing, confetti strewn in their hair.] [CUT.] [We see a variety of DC landscape and monument shots.] [EXT: DINER.] BOOTH [OS]: They were good people. [We find them inside the diner.] BRENNAN: Good people who butchered another human being. BOOTH: Well, you know, they were being attacked. They weren't in their right mind, and sometimes, you know, people--they just get carried away. BRENNAN: Well, crazy people. [BOOTH pulls out a little paper effigy.] BRENNAN [suspiciously]: What is that? BOOTH: This was given to me by the witches. Look, it's you, Little Bones. BRENNAN: No, it's not. BOOTH [laughing]: Yes, it is, you see? The witch said that if I burned this in your presence, then the wish I make for you will come true. [He opens a lighter.] BRENNAN: You think I care, but I don't. It's just superstition. And for superstition to work, the person has to believe that he or she is cursed or under a spell--watch you don't burn your fingers! BOOTH: Want to know what I wished for? BRENNAN: No, it doesn't matter. Completely irrelevant. BOOTH: I wished... I wished that you could find happiness. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. BOOTH: Happiness. Love, laughter, friendship, purpose... and a dance. BRENNAN: Oh. Well, then thank you. BOOTH [triumphantly]: Ah... BRENNAN: Why is that funny? BOOTH: 'Cause, you know, you wouldn't have thanked me if you didn't think that part of it was true. BRENNAN: No, I was, I was thanking you for your kindness, not because I believed in the outcome. BOOTH: Ah, I detected relief. BRENNAN: No, no, you didn't. BOOTH: Relief, that the mojo was good and not bad. BRENNAN: Okay, now you're just mixing up belief systems. BOOTH: Really? Okay, you want me to burn another one? BRENNAN: No, smoke isn't allowed--how many do you have? BOOTH: I've got a lot. [Fade out. THE END.]

The remains of two witches, one of which is from the Salem witch trials from the 1600s and the other a modern day Wiccan , are discovered in the remains of a burnt out cabin. Booth and Brennan investigate the world of Wicca, including discovering the Wiccan group of which the victim was a part. Hodgins and Angela wind up in jail after some reckless driving and have to work the case from the jail cell. After spending quality time together, they realize they are still in love. Hodgins subsequently proposes to Angela and they are married by the judge who hears their case.

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EXT. CLEARING - NIGHT DONNY: You have entered the circle. You have felt the flames. You have suffered the seven trials. You have reached the moment of your final test! Are you prepared?! GROUP: Yes, Sir! DONNY: Then let's do it. Go! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/GROUP RUNS INTO THE BUSHES) DONNY: Last one to the house drinks the keg dregs! I love hell week! Did you see their faces? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. BUSHES - NIGHT (FREDERICK STUMBLES THROUGH THE BUSHES) (FREDERICK SCREAMS) (CUT TO BLACK) (THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. MCGEE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY LEADER: (V.O.) Strike Force Command, this is Red Leader. Alpha Team is in play. MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Roger that, Red Leader. Have visual. You've got hostiles on both the north and east quadrants of the building. All teams prepare for entry. Our target is located on the-- LEADER: (V.O.) Say again, Strike Force Command. Did not copy your last. MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Uh... wait one, Red Leader. LEADER: (V.O./FILTERED) Copy that. Red Unit, hold your positions. (DOOR OPENS) TONY: Hi, Probie! MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Uh... David, I have to call you back. (HANGS UP PHONE) TONY: Told you he was a boxer's guy. KATE: Gee, McGee. I thought for sure you were a tighty whitey man! TONY: Come on, let's get dressed. You don't want to keep Gibbs waiting. MCGEE: You said zero nine hundred. It's only seven thirty. KATE: Oh, we thought we'd observe you in your natural environment. TONY: Kind of like watching National Geographic. We watch as the McGee moves slowly from the watering hole trailed by hyenas. Is this the History Channel room? Ah, this is where you do your writing thing, huh? (SFX: TYPING) TONY: Look at this! (READS) "The Continuing Adventures of L.J. Tibbs..." MCGEE: It's personal. TONY: I wonder who L.J. Tibbs could be? KATE: Check it out. He eats dinosaur cereal! (SFX: TONY MAKES DINOSAUR NOISES) MCGEE: Okay, would you both please just wait by the door... by the door, please. TONY: Got any Macy Gray in here? MCGEE: Tony, don't touch those! Those are collectables! They're very valuable. TONY: Oh, gosh! Sorry! I just thought they were musty old records. MCGEE: It's bad enough having to work on Sundays without you guys ransacking my apartment. TONY: Yeah, it was very inconsiderate of that Marine Sergeant to die on a weekend. MCGEE: I'm getting my weapon! Don't touch anything else! KATE: Hey! TONY: George Cloony could not get laid in this place. KATE: Your place needs a lot of help, McGee. TONY: At least you're not building a boat in your basement. MCGEE: Come on.(DOOR CLOSES) SARAH: Tim? RED LEADER: (V.O./FILTERED) Strike Force Command, this is Red Leader. McGee, are you there? SARAH: (INTO PHONE) This is Strike Force Command. Do you copy? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CLEARING - DAY DUCKY: Based on the rigor resolving itself, I'd say our Sergeant's been dead for at least thirty six hours. GIBBS: I'm more concerned with how it happened, Duck. DUCKY: Well, apart from the obvious, he took a tumble down the hill. Neck's probably broken. Yeah, but then we never do put too much emphasis on the obvious. Do we, Sergeant? GIBBS: Look out! DUCKY: It's remarkable how these college hangouts all smell the same. Stale beer, tobacco, vomit. GIBBS: It's from the kid that found him. DUCKY: Any idea why the young man is half-naked? GIBBS: Must be a college thing. Hey, where've you been? TONY: Stopped for coffee. Got here - you are welcome. GIBBS: Marine Sergeant Joseph Aaron Turner. Found dead at oh-two hundred by a drunk college student. TONY: Sounds like hell week. GIBBS: Hell week? TONY: Yeah, the fraternal right of passage. Worst week of my life. Followed by the best four years. GIBBS: Yeah, you were running around in your skivvies, DiNozzo? TONY: Technically. Well, back then they made us wear them on our heads. I think it was -- a sort of character building thing. KATE: It certainly explains a lot. GIBBS: Uh-huh. Hey McGee. MCGEE: Yeah. GIBBS: Find out what Turner was doing on campus. MCGEE: On it. BELLO: Excuse me, Special Agent Gibbs? I wonder if we could let Mister Pippin go home and dress more appropriately. GIBBS: Sure. After one of my agents interviews him. DiNozzo. TONY: Uh, you know, I think that's really more up Kate's alley. GIBBS: Well, maybe, but you two have so much in common. Go. (TO BELLO) This area popular with students? BELLO: For all sorts of extracurricular activities. Bonfires, fraternity pranks. KATE: Hazing? BELLO: We've had our share of incidents. Broken bones, alcohol poisoning. And this isn't the first accidental death we've seen. GIBBS: Who said anything about an accident? BELLO: You think this is a homicide? GIBBS: Until I find out it wasn't. MCGEE: Boss, I had Turner's SRB pulled. He's an NROTC student attached to the Waverly University campus. Lives in the dorms. GIBBS: Do you have an address? MCGEE: Uh... just getting on that. I'll radio his unit. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. TURNER'S ROOM - DAY GIBBS: I thought college students were supposed to be poor? LEMAY: Most of my midshipmen wouldn't know how to survive without at least two hundred channels and a DSL hook-up, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: How long have you been Turner's Marine Officer Instructor, Captain Lemay? LEMAY: Since he enrolled last year. You expect to lose men in combat, not on a college campus. What the hell happened to my Marine? GIBBS: I'm working on it, Captain. LEMAY: What can I do to help? GIBBS: You can start by telling us about him. LEMAY: He was one of my best Midshipmen. Came to us straight from fleet after two combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. GIBBS: How was he taking to college life? LEMAY: There was a fair amount of culture shock. But like any good Marine, he adapted. GIBBS: Any personal problems or issues? LEMAY: We had a few incidents with student activists on campus. GIBBS: Protesting the war? LEMAY: Protesting anything military. Our unit was vandalized, rallies outside our offices. When word got out that Turner was a vet, he took some heat. GIBBS: What kind of heat? LEMAY: Name-calling, mostly. Turner handled it like most Marines. GIBBS: Not well. LEMAY: He lost five Marines in his squad in Iraq. He handled it as best he could, Agent Gibbs. He was a damn fine Marine. MCGEE: And intelligent too, Boss. These are graduate level mathematics. Theoretical calculus. LEMAY: He was on the advanced track in math and physics. He was a real asset to the Corps. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: You're blowing in my ear, Mister Palmer. JIMMY: Sorry, Doctor. DUCKY: Something piqued your interest? JIMMY: It seems this break is too clean to be the result of a fall. DUCKY: Correct. If he landed on his neck, this would be jagged here. But this? This is too precise. Do you notice anything else? JIMMY: Well, he took a beating. DUCKY: Yes, bruises around the eyes, knuckles grazed. But what captured my attention most were these. This coloration suggests they were recent. Inflicted on our poor Marine just before his death. JIMMY: Do we know what caused them? DUCKY: We do not yet. Yes, but it reminds me of an English Earl who was abducted and asphyxiated. Every bone in his body was broken. JIMMY: What happened to him? DUCKY: Well, it was on a moonlit night... GIBBS: Do we know what killed him yet? DUCKY: Sergeant Turner was involved in a nasty fight that resulted in a broken neck. GIBBS: He was murdered? DUCKY: Yeah. GIBBS: What about these welts? DUCKY: Certainly painful, but they didn't do any internal damage. Mostly surface. GIBBS: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Duck? DUCKY: I'm afraid so, Jethro. GIBBS: Call me when you find out. (GIBBS WALKS O.S.) (SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN) JIMMY: Find out what, Doctor? DUCKY: Sergeant Turner may have been tortured before his death. JIMMY: Whoa! DUCKY: Yeah. JIMMY: So that's what happened to the English Earl. DUCKY: What English Earl? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - NIGHT ABBY: You said Turner was smart, McGee, when in fact, you should have said he was brilliant. These equations rock! It's Homology. MCGEE: Close. Cohomology. ABBY: I think it's Homology. MCGEE: No, it's Cohomology. I did my independent study on advanced String Theory, so I think I would know. ABBY: I see you are playing the M-I-T card again. MCGEE: No, I just happened to go to school there. ABBY: And you just happened to talk about it a lot. GIBBS: Oh, so glad to see you two don't need adult supervision. ABBY: McGee was annoying me again. GIBBS: Don't. What do we have from the crime scene? ABBY: Oh, um... I got Turner's toxicology report back. His blood alcohol level was point oh seven. Not drunk. GIBBS: Not sober either. What else? ABBY: There were foreign blood samples found on his face and his knuckles. GIBBS: Yeah, and? ABBY: And a Chinese menu of chemicals found on his skin. He's dried paint, turpentine, bleach. It's like he was partying in a janitor's closet. GIBBS: What about Turner's laptop? MCGEE: Well, I completely underestimated the depth of his mathematics ability. I thought that he was concentrating on numerical analysis, but it turns out he was also working on fiber bundles. The work's a little rough. GIBBS: Anything connected to his death, McGee? MCGEE: Not yet. ABBY: Um... I didn't go to M-I-T, but I think I found something. Turner had a private container. It's like a vault inside the hard drive where you can hide files. Very sophisticated. GIBBS: Can you open it? ABBY: They don't call me "Five Fingers Sciuto" for nothing. Actually, nobody calls me that. My nickname is actually Vamperstein, but I never really liked the sound of it. GIBBS: Abby! ABBY: Right. Too much caffeine. Sorry. In just a second... and we... are... in. It's an encrypted e-mail. He received it on Friday.(SFX: KEYBOARDING B.G.) GIBBS: The same day he was killed. EMAIL ON SCREEN: Today is the day you die. (MUSIC OUT) MUSIC IN: EXT. STADIUM FIELD - DAY (SFX: MIDSHIPMEN EXERCISE B.G.) "One, Two, Three"... LEEKA: Maybe I should give you a break, you know, because you're college girls. What do you think, Simmons? SIMMONS: No, Gunnery Sergeant? LEEKA: (SHOUTS) Damn straight! To me you're midshipmen! Barely! Understood?! SIMMONS AND TAYLOR: Yes, Gunnery Sergeant! LEEKA: (SHOUTS) You pull a stunt like that again with me, and you can both kiss your scholarships goodbye! Go! Away! GIBBS: Gunnery Sergeant Leeka? Special Agents Gibbs and Todd, NCIS. LEEKA: Sorry you had to hear all that. KATE: What did they do? LEEKA: Notice the hair, Ma'am? KATE: Not regulation? GIBBS: No. LEEKA: Purple and orange? KATE: Oh. LEEKA: Sometimes I feel like I'm a kindergarten teacher. GIBBS: Oh yeah, I'm familiar with the sentiment. LEEKA: So Captain Lemay said you wanted to talk to me about Sergeant Turner? GIBBS: What kind of Midshipman was he, Gunny? LEEKA: He put most of those kids to shame, Sir. He would have made one hell of a Marine officer. KATE: The Captain said that he had problems with war protesters. LEEKA: You could say that, Ma'am. One of them spit on his uniform. Turner cleaned his clock. KATE: Well, do you think this protester was the type to look for revenge? LEEKA: Are you saying Turner was murdered? KATE: We are. GIBBS: I want to know why. LEEKA: Simmons! SIMMONS: (SHOUTS) Sir! LEEKA: Get me Midshipman Blake! Doubletime! SIMMONS: (SHOUTS) Yes, Gunny! LEEKA: Blake's a Petty Officer. He was tight with Turner. He was also the one that pulled him off the protester before the campus cops arrived. GIBBS: Who else was Turner tight with? LEEKA: Well, Blake will know. They're the only two enlisted men in the unit. SIMMONS: Excuse me, Gunnery Sergeant! LEEKA: What, Simmons? SIMMONS: Midshipman Blake didn't report to formation this morning. LEEKA: Blake's never been U.A. Not since I started here. GIBBS: Are you telling me Petty Officer Blake is missing? LEMAY: No, I'm telling you that he is, Agent Gibbs. No one's seen Blake since Friday night. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY TONY: Oh, hi, ladies. Oh God, I miss college. Find the room yet, Probie? MCGEE: Right here. FRANKEL: Yeah, Blake's not there. TONY: You never told me you had a brother. MCGEE: Any idea when he's coming back? FRANKEL: I haven't seen him for a couple days. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. DORM ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) FRANKEL: You guys are definitely not campus cops. I make you for FBI. TONY: Wrong. NCIS. MCGEE: That stands for... FRANKEL: Yeah, I know what it stands for. You're here because of Turner, right? MCGEE: Did you know him? FRANKEL: I was in his NROTC unit. MCGEE: Oh, wow! These are the new docking stations for... FRANKEL: Yeah, yeah. He just got that. It's the new Axim X-Five hand held computer. It's sweet, right? MCGEE: Yeah. TONY: Sweet! FRANKEL: Shouldn't you guys be wearing rubber gloves? You're completely compromising the integrity of the crime scene. TONY: It's not a crime scene. It's a dorm room. FRANKEL: You totally think Finnegan had something to do with Turner's death. Why else would you be here? TONY: You got us, Sherlock! FRANKEL: Maybe they were partners in some kind of illicit business. Like they dealt drugs on campus. TONY: Well, now did they? FRANKEL: No, I was being hypothetical. Do you guys have a warrant? Because if you don't, then nothing you find here will be admissible in court. Unless, of course, you have probable cause. TONY: That is exactly what we have. FRANKEL: I don't know. Just because he wasn't home? TONY: Little girl, what's your name? FRANKEL: Simon Frankel. TONY: Okay listen, Urkel, we're here on official business, so why don't you go back to your dorm room and play Dungeon Master and let professionals do their work. FRANKEL: I'm just trying to help. TONY: Do you want to be a big help? FRANKEL: Yeah, definitely. TONY: Okay, put your hands in the air. There's nothing to be worried about. Spread your legs. Okay, stick out your tongue. You're the gargoyle. Now guard this door! (DOOR CLOSES) MCGEE: That was nice. TONY: But they don't pay us to be nice, McGee! Hey, put on some gloves! There is definitely something wrong with this guy. MCGEE: Why? TONY: He listens to folk music. MCGEE: Oh, there's something else wrong with this guy, too, Tony. TONY: A bloody rag. Nice work, McGee. MCGEE: That's a lot of blood loss. Injured? TONY: Or dead. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY TONY: Message on the left was on Turner's laptop. The message on the right was found on Blake's. He received it on Saturday, Boss. GIBBS: Who sent them? TONY: McGee's working on it. GIBBS: What else do we know? TONY: No one on campus has heard from Blake since Friday. KATE: And Abby says that the blood on the rag and bed matches Blake's type. GIBBS: Two enlisted men. One missing. One dead. What do they have in common? KATE: The resentment of The Coalition Alliance Team for Peace, Gibbs. TONY: CAT-Pee. Not a very attractive acronym. KATE: Their leader's a Waverly senior, Hunter Huxley. He's been arrested five times for disturbing the peace. He's majoring in political science. TONY: Minoring in anti-government subversion and sticking it to the man. I dated a girl like that in college once, Boss. Wasn't bad until she stopped shaving her armpits and her - she owns a car dealership now in case you're looking for a good deal. KATE: Huxley's been leading the anti-war protests on campus. And last month at a peace demonstration in front of the ROTC building, we know that he started spitting on Midshipman. GIBBS: And Sergeant Turner dropped him. KATE: After that, Huxley made Turner his personal target. Harassed him regularly. TONY: You think he could have taken it to the next level? GIBBS: I think you and Kate are going to go find out. TONY: Hey, turn that frown upside down, sweetie! We're going back to college! KATE: Tony, your problem is you've never left. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. STUDENT UNION - DAY TONY: This is what I'm talking about. It's like I'm having flashbacks or something. KATE: I'm surprised you even remember college. You spent most of it throwing up in a urinal. TONY: Well, I'm pretty sure you spent your Saturday nights alone in your P.J.s watching Julia Roberts videos. KATE: Oh, you don't know what I did in college. TONY: Mmm, but I do know what you did on your spring break. KATE: I knew it! You still have that wet t-shirt photo, don't you!? TONY: I don't. KATE: You swear? TONY: Well, I don't have it on me. Hey, A-Chi! Way to go! KATE: God, you're pathetic. Gotta move on, DiNozzo. They're over. TONY: What's over? KATE: Your glory years. They've passed you by. It's time you retired the beer bong. TONY: Ouch, Kate. Ouch. KATE: Oh, there's our budding anarchist. (SFX: PROTESTERS B.G.) HUXLEY: Wake up, Corporate America! This is an immoral act! No more war! No more war! CHANTING: No more war! (SHOUTS) No more war! HUXLEY: Learn the truth about this war! If your Government doesn't trust you, don't trust your Government! Hey man, help us defeat Big Brother. TONY: Well, we kind of work for him. Agents Todd and DiNozzo, NCIS. HUXLEY: I got a permit to be here. KATE: I'm sure you do. That's not the reason we're here, Mister Huxley. TONY: Sergeant Joseph Turner. HUXLEY: Oh, if he's pressing charges on me, then I'm pressing charges on him. That fascist nearly broke my jaw. TONY: I'd hold off on the charges. KATE: He's dead. HUXLEY: What?! TONY: His body was found on campus Saturday night. You hadn't heard about that? HUXLEY: Nah. I've uh - I've been out of town. I just got back today. TONY: Well, that's convenient. HUXLEY: Hold on a second. You think I did it? TONY: Well, you two didn't exactly get along. HUXLEY: Well, yeah because he tried to beat the crap out of me! KATE: After you spit on him! HUXLEY: You do realize I'm a peace activist, right? Anti-violence? TONY: Maybe you knew his friend, too. Petty Officer Finnegan Blake? KATE: He was a Midshipman. Been missing since Friday. HUXLEY: I get it! This is how it happens, huh? They send their Gestapo goons to try and quiet the movement. You planning on arresting me? KATE: It's crossed our minds. HUXLEY: Do it. I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of your tactics. TONY: You should really meet our boss. He'd like you. HUXLEY: And you should really meet my lawyers. They'd love you! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT MCGEE: The student organizations alone are mind-blowing. Did you know that there are seven online mystery writer workshops on campus? GIBBS: No, I didn't. But I'm sure you're going to tell me what this has to do with our dead Marine. MCGEE: I thought that whoever was involved in Turner's death might have a campus web account. So I hacked into the servers looking for any mention of Turner or Blake. GIBBS: Any hits? MCGEE: No, the servers have been pretty quiet. (SFX: EMAIL BEEP TONES) GIBBS: What is that? MCGEE: Someone's IMing Sergeant Turner. ABBY: It's an instant message, Gibbs. MCGEE: It's like an email but live. GIBBS: Just put it up on the plasma. CREEPY VOICE: Hello, NCIS. ABBY: He's not on Turner's buddy list. He's probably using an alias. GIBBS: Can you trace it, McGee? MCGEE: If we can keep him online. GIBBS: Abby, talk to him. ABBY: Okay. Hello, Creepy Voice. CREEPY VOICE: You're looking in the wrong places. MCGEE: He's diverting his connection through half a dozen servers. We've got the Baltimore Public Library by way of a public server in Buffalo. GIBBS: That's it. Get him. Get him, McGee. ABBY: Where should we be looking? CREEPY VOICE: Deeper. ABBY: Oh, come on. How's that going to help us? MCGEE: I've back-traced him to the Waverly University campus. GIBBS: Where on campus? MCGEE: I'm almost there. CREEPY VOICE: Look beyond the surface. ABBY: Oh, that's a really sucky clue. When you say beyond the surface, are you being literal or metaphorical. I'm just trying to clarify! CREEPY VOICE: They're everywhere. MCGEE: Okay, I've got it down to one city block right off of campus. Just one more second. CREEPY VOICE: Goodbye. MCGEE: Got him, Boss. GIBBS: Yeah. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT GIBBS: You are sure about this, right?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) MCGEE: (V.O.) I was able to-- (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: ...Triangulate the connection to the campus servers. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (V.O.) And then reran the back trace... GIBBS: Just answer the question, McGee. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: Yes, I'm sure, Boss. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: Let's do this. Kate, cover the back. GIRL: (SHOUTS) No! No! Stop!(SFX: GIRL SCREAMS B.G.) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. HOUSE LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: Federal Agents! Don't move! (BEAT) I am going to kill McGee.(SFX: GIRLS SCREAM) TONY: We've got it covered, Kate. (FADE OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: (V.O.) So is Gibbs still mad at me? TONY: About what, Probie? Dead Marine on campus? Missing Petty Officer? Computer hacker who might be part of a radical peace movement? None of these things are your fault, really. But sending Gibbs on a panty raid? KATE: He's going to kill you. GIBBS: Hey! I want answers. Where is Abby? MCGEE: Ah, she's on a run to the evidence garage, Boss. TONY: She's on a run to the evidence garage, Boss. GIBBS: Anything on the hacker? MCGEE: Um... he was on a wireless connection. The house you hit was set up for WiFi. He was probably sitting somewhere outside on the street. I'm working on tracing it right now. GIBBS: You tell Abby I want her. ABBY: Oh Gibbs, I never knew! Ducky asked me to help him figure out where the welts came from. I think I'm gonna start with the ball peen hammer. I don't know why. I just like the way it sounds... ball peen, ball peen, ball peen, ball peen. GIBBS: What else? ABBY: Um... probably go with the stun gun and then the garden weasel. And someone's in a really bad mood. GIBBS: Spending the night in a room full of crying women tends to do that to me. ABBY: Well this will cheer you up. I got the analysis back from the blood found on Turner's body. It belongs to your missing Petty Officer. TONY: Blake? You're kidding? ABBY: I also ran the bloody rag from Blake's house. Most of it's his and some of it is not. KATE: Sergeant Turner's? ABBY: Bingo. TONY: Was his name-o. Blake and Turner were in a fight. KATE: One turns up dead and the other hits the road. GIBBS: Or they were killed together at the same location, Kate. (SFX: IM BEEP TONES) MCGEE: It's the hacker! He's sending us another instant message. CREEPY VOICE: N.C.I.S., if you want the truth, be at Unity Quad, ten hundred hours today. MCGEE: He's somewhere on campus right now. GIBBS: Tony, Kate, you're with me. And you get me an exact location this time! ABBY: Are you sure you can do it? MCGEE: Positive. I think. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. QUAD - DAY TONY: Excuse me. (INTO PHONE) How can we be sure Creepy Voice is even here, McGee? MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Because Tony, the campus WiFi system is broken down...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) ...into nodes. And our hacker's signal is coming from Node Five. (SCENE CUT) TONY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah? And what does that mean? MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) It means he's somewhere... (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) ...In the quad right now so look for somebody with a... (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) ...Laptop or a wireless device. TONY: (INTO PHONE) You're not real helpful, Probie. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Less chatter. (INTO PHONE) Keep your eyes open. Find him or her. TONY: (INTO PHONE) Boss, your one o'clock. Red hat, sunglasses. Looking real suspicious. That's what I'm talking about. KATE: Don't you get enough of that at home? TONY: My Internet connection's down. KATE: Yeah. (INTO PHONE) Ten forty five. The hacker is... (SCENE CUT) KATE: (V.O./FILTERED) ...playing with us again. MCGEE: No, Kate. I'm telling you, he's here. (SCENE CUT) MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Look for something abnormal. KATE: You're going to have to be more specific, McGee. KYLE: Look out! Move! Out of the way! STUDENT: Hey, watch it!(MUSIC OVER ACTION) KYLE: Move it! TONY: I'd say that's abnormal. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY TONY: (V.O./FILTERED) We've got two suspects, one in a black ski mask. GIBBS: Moving to intercept. TONY: They're coming out of the tunnel! Okay! Get down! Get out of the way! Hey! Move out of the way! Get out of the way! (MUSIC OVER ACTION/ TONY CHASES THE STUDENTS) (SFX: PAINTBALL BLAST) KYLE: You're dead! KATE: He's got a gun! TONY: NCIS! Federal agents! Drop the weapon! KATE: Put down your weapon! TONY: Drop the weapon! GIBBS: Hold your fire!! STUDENT: What's going on? GIBBS: Shut up, dumb ass. TONY: Does that hurt? STUDENT: Yeah. TONY: Does that hurt right there? STUDENT: Yeah. KATE: Kyle Zolin. He's a Midshipman.(PHONE RINGS) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) (SCENE CUT) ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs! Gibbs, I figured it out. I know what caused the welts on Turner's body. GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) We know. (SCENE CUT) GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) The paint ball gun. (SCENE CUT) INT. LAB - DAY (END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS) ABBY: I really, really hate it when he does that. (SFX: PAINT BALL GUN FIRES) ABBY: Oops. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NROTC WARD ROOM - DAY LEEKA: (SHOUTS) You retreads think you deserve to be officers? Do you!? Playing illegal games on campus!? You're lucky I don't rip your heads off and stomp on them! (DOOR OPENS) LEMAY: Agent Gibbs will take it from here, Gunny. LEEKA: Yes, Sir. LEMAY: I expect you gentlemen to answer his questions truthfully. GIBBS: Sit down. Where's Finnigan Blake?(SFX: LOUD HEARTBEAT B.G.) KYLE: We don't know, Sir. GIBBS: How many Midshipman in this little paintball club of yours? Uh, yeah. That's right. If you turn them in they'll probably be kicked out of school just like you. It's admirable, protecting your friends. Turner does not need protection. He's lying dead on a slap with a broken neck. I think Blake is the one who put him there. SMITH: No. No, not possible, Sir. They were best friends. GIBBS: Yeah? Then why were they beating the crap out of each other Friday night? (SHOUTS) You were there!! KYLE: Yes, Sir, but it's not what you think. SMITH: They tossed a couple punches, we broke it up. KYLE: An hour later, they were drinking beer and laughing about it. GIBBS: Does that look like a couple of punches to you, Midshipman? His neck is snapped in half. SMITH: He didn't look like that when he left... GIBBS: What was the fight about? KYLE: Turner never lost a paintball game, so Blake decided to change the rules. GIBBS: By killing him? KYLE: No, Sir. We played one on one. But Friday morning we all got Turner's target photo in our e-mail, and we ambushed him. SMITH: It was supposed to be funny... GIBBS: I want the names of everyone in your club. You do that and we can talk about your futures. SMITH: And if we don't? GIBBS: Son, you trust me. You will not do well in prison. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) They called themselves "The Red Cell." They all claim the last time they saw Blake was on Friday night, right after the fight. TONY: We think they were protecting him. GIBBS: Who else knew about the group? KATE: According to them, no one. Only the Red Cell members. TONY: First rule of Fight Club. Never talk about Fight Club. That's a great movie. Brad Pitt, Edward Norton. It's like the greatest guy movie ever. I'm going to rent that for you. KATE: They're either lying, or one of them is the hacker that led us to the group. GIBBS: Find him. MCGEE: Boss! GIBBS: You find my hacker yet? MCGEE: Uh, no? But... TONY: Poor Probie. KATE: You think he needs a group hug? TONY: Oh... MCGEE: I found Blake. MCGEE: (V.O.) I've been monitoring the campus WiFi... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. LAB - DAY MCGEE: ...And I was waiting for the hacker to come back online and that's when I thought of it. When we searched Blake's room, he had the docking station for an Axim X Five handheld computer. But the unit itself was not in his room. ABBY: And they're like two thousand bucks. He probably took it with him when he pulled his disappearing act. GIBBS: Why does this matter? MCGEE: Because it has wireless built-in. It automatically connects to the nearest network. He is online right now. GIBBS: Where? MCGEE: Waverly University, node three. And according to the network logs, he's been hiding out there since Saturday morning. GIBBS: Not bad, McGee. Let's roll! ABBY: See? I told you he likes you. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. CAMPUS - DAY KATE: Are you sure about this, Tim? MCGEE: I'm sure. He's here, or at least his computer is. KATE: Well, I hope for your sake that you're right. MCGEE: I'm right, okay? (SFX: BEEP TONES) MCGEE: Wait. He's in the building right behind this one. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. EXCAVATION SITE - DAY TONY: I've got some bad news for you, Probie. MCGEE: I don't understand. He should be here. TONY: Maybe he disappeared with the building. MCGEE: I'm telling you, he's here.(MCGEE OPENS THE GATE AND WALKS TO THE CLEARING) MCGEE: Signal's getting stronger. It's here!(SFX: BEEP TONES CONTINUE) GIBBS: Where? MCGEE: It's right below me. He must have buried it. TONY: We're being screwed with again. KATE: It's the hacker, McGee. MCGEE: (SHOUTS) I found something! It's a body. It's lying face down. This is where the head should be. He's wearing a hood. GIBBS: This is now a crime scene. MCGEE: It's Blake. GIBBS: He's not lying face down. (FADE OUT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY DUCKY: Petty Officer Blake was killed early Saturday morning, just hours after Sergeant Turner's death. Now, we're dealing with a killer who is not only extremely powerful, but methodical. Each of these young men had their necks broken in a violent and identical fashion, I think by someone using their bare hands. JIMMY: Well, how's that? DUCKY: Ah, well it's a very specific technique. May I demonstrate, Mister Palmer? JIMMY: Of course, Doctor. DUCKY: One hand is placed firmly on the jaw here, and the other hand ... GIBBS: Yeah, I'll do it, Duck. DUCKY: Oh. Thank you, Jethro. TONY: This ought to be good. GIBBS: No, on you. TONY: Do you think that's really necessary? GIBBS: GIBBS: Yeah, it'll be fun. You can either lie on the floor or I'll drop you to the floor. We used it to silence enemy sentries. (CONT.) One hand on the jaw, the other behind the head of the individual. Sixty-six pounds of torque and snap! Your eyes are on the back of your head. Dinozzo - any questions? TONY: No, I think I got it, Boss! You missed your calling, Boss. You could have been a chiropractor. GIBBS: We're looking for someone who knows how to kill. DUCKY: Yes, what troubles me is our Midshipmen, in order to receive such a killing blow, would have to have been face to face with their assailants. Which means either they were ambushed or... GIBBS: They knew him. TONY: Hey, another Midshipman? They teach combat courses at the NROTC unit. GIBBS: Maybe. You find my hacker yet? TONY: McGee's upstairs working on it. GIBBS: I didn't ask McGee. I asked my Senior Field Agent. I want that damn hacker! TONY: Did you hear that, Palmer? JIMMY: He sounded pretty upset. TONY: Yeah. He called me his Senior Field Agent. Finally! [SCENE_BREAK] INT. ABBY'S LAB - DAY MCGEE: This guy's good, Abby. Too good. ABBY: Yeah, but we are better! I thought you went to M.I.T? MCGEE: Abby, I don't think I can track this guy. TONY: Don't let Gibbs hear you talking like that, Probie. ABBY: You guys are just in time for McGee's crisis of faith. He's starting to realize that there may be someone on the planet that's smarter than him. KATE: Oh, I'm looking at one right now. TONY: Well, Kate, in all fairness, I am the Senior Field Agent, but I think it's an experience -- KATE: I was talking about Abby, DoDo Head. ABBY: Thank you, Kate. MCGEE: Okay, the only chance we have of finding this guy is if he contacts us again. I can embed a virus in the IM software and use it to tag his computer and hope that it leads... TONY: (OVERLAP) Viruses, tracking software? You guys are going about this the wrong way. What is the first rule of Fight Club, Probie? MCGEE: Okay Tony, you can barely turn your computer on. So no offense... TONY: (SHOUTS) You do not talk (WHISPERS) about Fight Club! And what is the second rule of Fight Club? Abs? ABBY: (SHOUTS) Do not talk about Fight Club! (SFX: TONY CLEARS HIS THROAT) ABBY: Sir! TONY: Exactly! And Creepy Voice is the guy who led us to Red Cell. ABBY: So he's either a member or he knows a member. KATE: And they're all Midshipmen. TONY: Of course, if the guy's giving McGeek a run for his money, he's got to be pretty smart. McGee, what was your GPA in college? MCGEE: Three point nine. I failed a fencing class in sophomore year. TONY: So I'm sure you already checked the NROTC records to make sure there's no... computer genius in the unit. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY KATE: (V.O.) I hate to say it but that was actually smart, Tony. GIBBS: What was, Kate? KATE: Tony might have figured out how to find the hacker. GIBBS: It's his job. You think I keep him around for his personality? MCGEE: There are twenty two Midshipmen in the unit with computer science majors. Only one of them has a four point oh. Look familiar? TONY: You want to bring him in with me? MCGEE: Considering he embarrassed me, almost got me fired and ruined my weekend? What do you think? (TONY AND MCGEE WALK O.S.) (SFX: IM BEEP TONES) CREEPY VOICE: Hello N.C.I.S. ABBY: You might be smart, but my geek carries a gun. Hello, you twisted piece of... SWISH PAN TO: INT. STUDENT UNION - DAY ON COMPUTER SCREEN: Red Cell is just the beginning. You have to ask why? Knock knock Who's there? I'm right behind you dirtbag. Turn around TONY: Howdy, Urkel. FRANKEL: Ow! You're hurting me! Ow! MCGEE: You hear something, Tony? TONY: No. MCGEE: Me either. TONY: No need to worry. Federal Agents. Have a nice day. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) FRANKEL: Hey, so what do they call it? The box? The coffin? The sweat shop? TONY: We just call it interrogation. FRANKEL: What's the deal? You lean on me first... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY FRANKEL: Then bring your partner in? Get me blabbering? Are you the good cop or the bad cop? TONY: Sit. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY TONY: Okay, I'm going to be honest with you. This is a major waste of time. You clearly didn't do this. FRANKEL: Reverse psychology. TONY: But my boss, he needs to close the case. FRANKEL: Brass wants answers. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: There is this other agent... Kate. Severe looking thing. No sense of humor. She built the profile on you. MCGEE: What kind of interrogation technique is that? GIBBS: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty, but it's effective. TONY: (V.O.) It turns out... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY TONY: ...you're the geek's geek. The last one to be picked for the team. FRANKEL: That's not true. TONY: This isn't me, Urkel, okay? I think you're great. Sure you broke a few ... [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY TONY: ...Federal laws interfering with an ongoing murder investigation. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY FRANKEL: I was trying to help you. TONY: Right. It's the way you did it that's suspicious. FRANKEL: Look at me. The last thing I need is to be pegged as a rat in the unit. Those guys would have killed me. TONY: Maybe you were looking for payback? They wouldn't let you into their little club? FRANKEL: That's crazy. TONY: You know what's crazy? Me almost putting a bullet in a kid's head 'cause he's playing paintball. That's a little crazy. FRANKEL: I didn't... I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I was just trying to help. Turner was a friend. TONY: So you thought sending cryptic emails was going to help us find his killer? FRANKEL: I think I know who killed him. TONY: Who? FRANKEL: Petty Officer Blake. TONY: Yeah? Why'd he do it? FRANKEL: There's this girl in the unit. Ashley Simmons. She used to date Blake but they broke up. TONY: She started dating Turner? FRANKEL: I'm not sure. I know he liked her. TONY: He liked her? Not a real strong motive for murder, Urkel. FRANKEL: Well, last week I saw all three of them together in the quad. Ashley was crying. Turner and Blake started arguing with each other. TONY: About what? FRANKEL: I... I couldn't hear, but I saw Blake push him. TONY: So they fought? FRANKEL: No. Turner just left with Ashley. When I asked him about it later, he said it was personal, something between the three of them. TONY: Well that's a real interesting theory, Matlock. One problem. FRANKEL: What? TONY: Blake's dead. He was murdered a few hours after Turner. FRANKEL: But by who? TONY: Someone who wanted to frame him for the murder of his best friend. (DOOR CLOSES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY GIBBS: Find Midshipman Ashley Simmons now. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WARD ROOM - DAY LEEKA: Why is your hair still purple, Simmons? SIMMONS: It takes a few days to wash out, Gunny. LEEKA: I hope the time you've spent field-daying is starting to sink in. I own you until the day you graduate. SIMMONS: Yes, Gunny. It won't happen again. LEEKA: Do you want to give people orders someday? You need to learn how to follow them. GIBBS: Sounds like pretty good advice, Gunny. LEEKA: Good evening, Sir. Any luck finding Blake? GIBBS: That's why we're here. LEEKA: We can talk about this in my office. You missed a spot over there, Simmons. KATE: Actually, we're here for her, Gunny. LEEKA: Simmons? For what? GIBBS: We found Blake. LEEKA: Where? GIBBS: He's dead. TONY: We think she knows why. SIMMONS: I don't know anything about it. KATE: Then you won't mind answering a few questions. GIBBS: Take her out to the sedan. I'll be right out. SIMMONS: But I don't know anything! (SIMMONS WALKS O.S.) GIBBS: Tell me everything you know about her, Gunny. LEEKA: Simmons? (DOOR CLOSES) LEEKA: Kind of a screw up, but not a bad kid. Do you think she's involved in this? SIMMONS: (V.O.) I don't understand. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDING - DAY SIMMONS: Blake didn't kill Turner. KATE: No, they were both murdered. TONY: Not pretty. Almost twisted his head clean off. SIMMONS: Oh my god, he did it. LEEKA: (V.O.) I'm getting too old for this crap. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WARD ROOM - DAY LEEKA: ROTC was supposed to be an easy tour. You want a cup? GIBBS: Uh, no. No, thanks. I'll pass. LEEKA: Mm, good call. So just how was Blake murdered? [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. ROTC BUILDING - DAY SIMMONS: I went to them for help last week. He wouldn't leave me alone. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WARDROOM - DAY LEEKA: Wow. Two identical neck-breaks. GIBBS: Yeah. We think the killer has military training. [SCENE_BREAK] EXT. BUILDING - DAY SIMMONS: He was forcing me to sleep with him! Blake and Turner were going to go talk to him, make him stop. And he killed them! KATE: Who, Midshipman? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WARD ROOM - DAY LEEKA: I'll have everyone in this unit standing by tomorrow. You can question them all at the same time. GIBBS: Thanks, Gunny. I appreciate it. Just one thing. LEEKA: What, Sir? GIBBS: I said that Blake had been found dead. You said murdered. (SFX: LEEKA LOCKS THE DOOR) (SFX: PHONE RINGS) LEEKA: Are you gonna answer that? GIBBS: No. No, I'm pretty sure I know what it is they want to tell me. Put your hands up. (SFX: LEEKA FIGHTS GIBBS) (SFX: GLASS BREAKS) LEEKA: Not bad, Agent Gibbs. GIBBS: I'd give up now. It's only going to get worse.(SFX: FIGHTING CONTINUES) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. NROTC HALLWAY - DAY (SFX: FIGHTING B.G.) TONY: I think he knows. KATE: You think? [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WARDROOM - DAY (SFX: LEEKA FIGHTS GIBBS B.G.) (SFX: TONY POUNDS ON THE DOOR B.G.) LEEKA: You should have stayed out of this, old man. [SCENE_BREAK] INT. CORRIDOR - DAY TONY: Okay, stand back. (SFX: GUNSHOT) [SCENE_BREAK] INT. WARD ROOM - DAY (DOOR OPENS) GIBBS: Cuff him. TONY: Sure thing, Boss. KATE: Somehow I don't remember college being quite like this. TONY: It reminds me of this time at Ohio State. We had this frat guy... GIBBS: The next person who mentions a Spring Break, or a frat party, or college, is fired! Are we clear!? KATE: Yes. TONY: Yes. GIBBS: Good.(MUSIC OUT)

A marine is found dead at the local college campus, his neck broken and his friend and fellow marine missing. McGee and Abby discover a trace in the e-mails with several photos of the dead marine and his missing friend with their faces circled and Gibbs finds out that the marine and a group of fellow NROTC students were part of a paintball club. Back at the lab, Abby receives anonymous IMs from a hacker with cryptic messages about the two marines. The missing marine is found dead at an unused construction site, leading the team to suspect the deaths may be result of a competitive paintball game gone wrong, or something else none of the team expected.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x13

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_04x13_0

March 1998, Lily Marshall waits at the airport. Ted (2030): Children, during the second year of college, when Lily is back from vacation, Marshall surprised her at the airport.And she caught him with a pack of Root Beer. Lily: Fort Lau-ger-Dale! Get it? Ted (2030): And suddenly, a ritual was born. The next 11 years, if one of them was on a plane... June 2002, Lily Marshall waits at the airport. Marshall: Minne-Cider! Get it? Ted (2030):... the reunion was still commemorated with a sign and a pack where they came from. February 2008... Lily: Aspen Yards Ale! Get it? Marshall: Actually, no! Lily: I do not either. I was hoping that you find. Ted (2030): But, one night in January 2009, the unthinkable happened. January 2009, Ted and Marshall are in McClaren's. Marshall: I will not get it. Ted: What? Marshall: Lily not want me to take a taxi to the airport just to get a taxi in the opposite direction. Ted: But the thing of the pack? Marshall: It was fun when we were younger, but we exceeded it. When mature, the relationship matures with us. Ted: But... you are an inspiration to us all, you are so dedicated and linked. I look at you, and that's all I want in the world. Barney: There are two students out, and they look easy! Ted and Barney runs out of the bar. Ted: Arizona... You know... I always wanted to see what looks like a license in Arizona. Barney: I already did that. 21 years. Ted: It's good. God thank you. What brings you here? Woman 1: Our group did a concert. Ted: You have a group? We will perhaps see you. Barney: Excuse me one second. (Barney leads Ted to the bar entrance) What is your problem? We will not see them play. Ted: Why? Barney: If you go see them, it is not better than blondes showing their tits at a concert by Van Halen. Ted: Yes, but these girls they sleep with Van Halen after? Barney: If you want to sleep with Van Halen, do it on your spare time. We're not guys who-could-come-you-see. It is the other guys, those older, who ever came and whose recognition is required. Ted: We are their fathers? Barney: Exactly. (They go see the girls) This is a great meeting, I think that we can come. Another time, girls. Ted: If you want to see us afterwards, we can exchange our numbers. Barney: Excuse us a minute. (Barney leads Ted still at the entrance of the bar) Have you gone crazy? We do not want their numbers. Ted: I know not what I was doing. I had panic there. Barney: Qua na you exchange a number, you give him the opportunity to call to cancel. If you give a number without an appointment, they must come. Checkmate! No number, just my fingers. Truck. Ted: You're still their father? They go back again. Barney: Why not arrange to meet you here tomorrow night to 22h. Woman 1: I think it will snow. What do we do if there is a blizzard? Barney: Whatever happens, we will be there. Ted: That's all "ski" account. Barney: Sorry one last time. Ted: What is the problem here? Barney: Well done. Ted: Thank you. Barney: At tomorrow night. Woman 2: Bluntly. Woman 1: Great! The two women leave. Barney: 'Definitely. Great! "Dude, these students seem stupid. Ted: Bluntly. Barney: Awesome. Here's the thing: tomorrow night, dress up well, it will move! Ted: We would still have had to make their numbers. Barney: You always imagine the worst. Ted, I promise, everything will be okay. It begins to snow. GENERIC Ted (2030): Children, the blizzard of 2009 was a monster. It snowed for 3 days, which gave three incredible stories. I start with Barney and me. Ted and Barney are the only McClaren's. Ted: It's really bad outside. They will not. Barney: But if it will come. It has to. If I can touch one of those girls, I get a "Bingo party student." Come on, Ted. You're the only one here. Ted: Sorry, a "Bingo party student"? Barney: Every year, Playboy publishes a list of the best student parties in the country. I take the top 25, and I do... a bingo card. All I need now that Arizona Tech, which is crazy. In a contest, it would be given automatically. Ted: How many people are on this festive bingo student? Barney: Just me. Ted: What is the purpose then? Barney: The goal is to make it five in a row. Ted: And you got what, if you succeed? Barney: I have a bingo. Marshall repaired the radiator to Ted's apartment, in front of Robin. Robin: Thanks for stopping by. I hacked the thermostat for 1 h before it was seen that the intercom. Marshall: Yeah, I heard you moan from below. Robin: The theft of Lily's tonight, you're really not looking for it? Marshall: As I said, when you grow up, our relationship matures with us. Robin: Knowing your wife, she'll still bring you back a pack. Marshall imagines the scene. Lily arrives at the airport and can not find Marshall. Lily: Marshall? Man: Puget Stout. The choicest of beverages from Seattle.And speaking of pack... He lifts his shirt and Lily goes with him. Robin: What are you doing? Marshall: I'm going to the airport. How could I be so stupid? Of course it takes me back a pack! Lily is on the plane. Lily: But this time, I'm not back pack. Because... when it matures, the relationship matures with us. Woman: He looks like a nice young man. I bet it will surprise you and pick you up anyway. Lily also imagines the scene. She arrives at the airport without pack, and Marshall awaits. Marshall: Where is my beer? Lily: It was said not this time. Marshall turns his sign which says: "Someone with beer." Woman: I have beer. Marshall: A pack and a size that suits me. Come on, new Lily. Marshall leaves with the woman and leaves Lily. Lily: I drink beer. Voice: This is your captain speaking. Apparently, it will arrive with an hour early. Ted and Barney are still at the bar alone. Carl: Finish, guys. I close the bar. Ted: No! It is only 21h. Barney: And it rocks here, yo! Carl: I'm really sorry, but I have to install beds in the church. It becomes a refuge, snowy nights. Barney: selfish b*st*rd! There are two cannons girls who come to us here. Ted: You can leave it open a little more? We monitor everything. Carl: You two? Impossible. You ignore the low bar. Barney: Serve the guns first? Carl: That's the key. Once your girls arrive, you turn off the lights and close. I want to go back and find a mess here. Ted: Seriously? Carl: I can trust you. Ted (2030): To find out what it meant to have the keys to the bar, I must revert back to the night when I released five little words that everyone says at one point in his life. Flashback Barney and Ted are playing Monopoly. Ted: There should be a bar. Barney: Of course, we should have a bar! Ted: You really should have a bar. Barney: It really should have a bar. Ted: Our bar would be great. Barney: And dude, dude, dude, dude... The name of our bar will be... Puzzles. People will, "Why Puzzles? "That's the puzzle. Ted: That's... a great name for a bar! And also, Puzzles: no nightcap. Barney: No nightcap! Ted: Except where everyone ended up spending the best night of his life, then we put the chairs on the tables and pulled out the margarita fountain. Barney: There should be a bar. Ted: There should be a bar. Ted (2030): Like all stupid sentences of five words that every man in her life said... Marshall is on the edge of the roof. Marshall: I can jump as far. At the apartment... Ted: I'm going to recover. At the bar... Carl: I can trust you. Ted (2030):... we would regret it. We knew not yet. End flashback Ted and Barney are behind the bar and prepared cocktails, by engaging the bottles. Until they are falling. Lily is at the airport. Lily: You? Great! I'm coming. (She hangs up his phone) Ranjit? Woman: I'm Rachel Sondheimer. Ranjit: One moment, Lily. IF you get off the plane, which is Marshall? And the pack of beer? Lily: That's the problem. I must be Brunivers in East Meadow in one hour. Ranjit: In the car! Lily: Thank you. Ranjit hand with Lily, leaving Rachel plan. In McClaren's... Ted: Barman. Triple Sec. Barney: It happens, keep tap. We will buy one. Ted: Served. Ted slides the glass on the counter but Barney does not catch up. Barney: Served. Ted: We will buy one. Woman 1: thank you God, you're still here. Woman 2: I do not know if you've seen Star Wars, but it looks like Hoth out. Ted: Prem's. Woman 1: Reminds me of when I was sledding with my father... before he leaves. Barney: And prem's. Ted: It can get warm with a glass? Woman 2: Sure... In fact, I invited the rest of the group to join us. Woman 1: It is the intention of getting drunk. Really get drunk.As my father did. Barney: Prem's, prem's prem's. Ted: I guess you could stay open longer. As it is you and the group? (The bar is crowded) Melissa, what kind of group is it? Melissa: We are the band of hens fighting Arizona Tech. All: Come on, Chickens! Ted (2030): It was then that Uncle Barney and I had a telepathic conversation. Ted: Dude, Carl is going to kill us if we turn not everyone immediately. I'm serious. He promised not to mess. Okay, you score a point. The bar is open! Who wants a beer? Robin and Marshall drive to the airport. Robin: I always find it silly. What happened to "when you grow up, the relationship matures with us"? Marshall: It's just something Lily read in "Psychology." It's good, she read in "Cosmo". Okay, I read in "Cosmo". Well, it was in "Cosmo Girl". Drive, OK? Robin: Why make a fuss a little ritual is abandoned. Marshall: It's more than that, OK? This is our little rituals. You know what we did when I got home? Robin: I do not wanna hear about f*ck like rabbits. Marshall: They told what they had eaten at noon. Flashback Marshall returned to the apartment. Marshall: Two eggs, a cheese pizza and steamed vegetables. Lily: A little bread, chicken, celery sticks and a spoon of peanut butter. We f*ck like rabbits? Marshall: They f*ck like rabbits. End flashback [SCENE_BREAK] Lily is with Ranjit. Ranjit: BTI... Too much information. Lily: You know what I miss? The call for lunch. Flashback Lily is in the kitchen on the phone. Lily: Baby, it's lunch and I love you. Marshall at the office: I do not think less. Although I must warn you that there seems to be a surplus on my side. Lily: No, I love you even more. Marshall: Do we get a room to pull all this out? It seemed like a good compromise, although I have to work my positions. I love you too. Marshall hangs up. End flashback Marshall and Robin were always by car. Marshall: Now, when she calls, I let the answering machine.The answering machine! Robin: How dare you? Marshall: What I miss most is the kiss of midnight New Year Lily: It was New Year's tradition But you know what we did this year? Ranjit: Kiss like rabbits? Lily: No. Flashback Lily and Marshall are sleeping on the couch. End flashback Robin: All of these little rituals, nice, cute... This is stupid. Say what we ate? They look like kids playing in the dinette. Marshall: Maybe you think it's stupid because you've never had a relationship that lasts long enough for that. Robin: What? Marshall: You know nothing of love. You're like a robot that someone would cry and say that... "Why this human leaking?" Robin: Really? Okay... Robot mode station-you-on-the-aisle-in-waiting-for-excuse-of-the imbecile. Robin stops on the roadside. Marshall: My robot was... a thousand times better. Ted and Barney are always at McClaren's, behind the counter. Man: FYI, the sink overflows into the bathroom. Ted: There's no sink. And you get out of the kitchen. Barney: Is there anything in a gin and tonic? There's what in a gin and tonic? Ted: Hold a bar, it sucks. Is closed. Barney: No nightcap! (The phone rings) Puzzles, Barney here. Carl: Well, you're still there. I arrive in 5 minutes. Barney: Last glass. Robin and Marshall are always stopping on the roadside. Marshall: A snowplow arrives. We must leave. Robin: You think being in love, it's just to have pet names. Or let the words stupid or darken in the blizzard for no reason. Marshall: You know what will happen? Robin: You know what you are? You're a snob of love. There's lots of ways to live a relationship, you would know if you left your little club "Snob love." Marshall: We'll be buried under the snow, that's what will happen. Robin: Nothing to be done. I will not sit here and insult me.We're not going to the airport. We go. (The snowplow passes and buried under the snow) It's been what? Ranjit and Lily arrive at a store. Lily: It was earlier called for the drink of Seattle. Man: You did well to call. I was close. It's the perfect storm outside. It was only in 2009, when the storm of the century, it is perhaps a little premature. Let the storm of the year. Even if one is in January. Lily: It is rather a hurry, so we'll take the beer. Man: You are a cute couple. Ranjit: Thank you. Lily: We're not a couple. Man: God thank you. It would have been weird. Here it is."Supersonic Tonic". Lily: No. It is a drum. I want a six pack. Man: That's all I have. Lily: You take the barrel. Ranjit: What? No. The last time I had one in the car, I ended up removing the dried vomit on the seat with a knife. Lily: Sorry, Ranjit, but it is a ritual, and I back this beer. If you could put it in the car. I'll give you $ 50. Ranjit: A car. Robin in the car... Marshall: Robin, I'm sorry. You're not a robot. If you are, you are a very advanced model, and the human race has no chance. You did not choose to show your love through rituals tacky, and that's good. But maybe we did that because we have always done and we know no other way. What I know is that if there sitting alone at the airport, I have to go get her.These are the rules. Robin: Close your eyes. Marshall: I know not how you thought I draguais you, but... Robin: Do it. (Robin opened the roof and the snow falls on them) Now, go find your wife. Barney makes people out of the bar. Barney: Okay, go. You are not obliged to return, but you can not stay. I always wanted to say that. I mean, in a bar. I say all the time with me. Man: One day, we should have a bar. And when it will, there will never be nightcap. Ted: We said no last drink. We must do. Barney: We should do what? Carl will be there from one moment to another. Ted: We can do one thing. Ted was a bar to his apartment. Ted: Caring for a bar, it's boring. We should stick to what we know. Barney: We should start a band. Ted: Of course! Why was not yet formed a band? Marshall and Robin arrive at the airport. Ted (2030): Children, sometimes in life, the planets align, everything comes together, and your timing is perfect.(Marshall and Lily calls Marshall called Lily but neither Marshall or Lily of the horizon. Lily sits on a bench and Marshall as well) It was not one of those moments. Marshall: Where is she? Robin: Seattle. Marshall: What? Robin: His flight was canceled. He has never taken off. Marshall: She would have called me and... Marshall looks at his phone. Lily is in Seattle. Lily: Baby, it's me. My flight was canceled because of a snowstorm and I will not fly until Thursday, I'm still stuck here for two days. It's lunchtime and I love you. Ted (2030): As I said, it was a storm of three days. Tuesday... Robin and Marshall are by car. Robin: I still think it's stupid. Ted (2030): Wednesday... (Barney and Ted are at McClaren's, behind the counter) And Thursday... (Lily is a store with Ranjit) So Tuesday, when Marshall heard this message... Marshall: It not return until Thursday. It was all the way here and not return until Thursday. I feel stupid. Listen, they say nothing to Lily about everything, OK? Especially the part where thou dredges. Robin: I've not dredged. Marshall: That's it. Ted (2030): Then Wednesday... At the apartment, it's party time. Ted: Dude, I do not believe that you've ever done this far.You'll have to go back and redo all that way again tomorrow. Marshall: The whole thing was a sign. Let us end this ancient ritual. I will not get it. Ted: Robin you really dredged? Marshall: Dude, that was weird. Man: Guys, this festival is great! You are true friends of Hens fighting. If necessary, do not hesitate to ask. Barney: The flute section does she see anyone? Ted: You're not really looking for it? Marshall: Really. Ted: So, on New Year's kiss, calls for lunch, all... "I ate it today," you're really going to drop it? Marshall: Yes, really. Ted (2030): Which brings us to Thursday. Lily is sitting on a bench at the airport. 3 men playing music, then a band come in, revealing Marshall. Marshall: A muffin, a pastrami sandwich, and chips. I know that lunch is over, but I love you. I love you Lily, more and more each day. Happy New Year. That means I have to bring a band at the airport now? Lily: Yes. Marshall: Damn. Marching band, Go Hens! Ted is sitting on the couch with a woman. Ted: Puzzles. Woman: This is a great band name. Have you seen Amanda? Barney: Bingo!

Lily comes back from a trip to Seattle only to run into a blizzard, which may threaten an airport ritual of meeting Marshall. Meanwhile, Ted & Barney offer to keep watch over the bar at MacLaren's while awaiting their dates, since Carl wants to close up early.

fd_Westworld_02x10

fd_Westworld_02x10_0

(EERIE SOUND EFFECTS) (GUN CLICKING) - Shh... - (GUN CLICKING) DOLORES ABERNATHY: Shh... (GUN CLICKING) - DOLORES: Shh... - (GLASS SHATTERS) AKECHETA: I believe there is a door to a new world, and that world may contain everything that we have lost. DOLORES: Shh... - (GUN CLICKING) - (RAPID TRILLING) (GUN CLICKING REPEATEDLY) TEDDY FLOOD: I understand how this will end, where you will lead us. I'm sorry. (GUNSHOT FIRES) BERNARD: Is this now? DOLORES: This is a test. One we've done countless times before. You're almost the man I remember. But there are flaws. A word, a gesture... tiny fracture that grows into a chasm. But I wonder. All these tiny imperfections in each copy. Mistakes. Maybe we should change you. After all... you didn't make it... did you? I... I don't understand. Freeze all motor functions. Let's try again. Trial , . I'm sorry, Dolores. I was lost in thought. (COCKS REVOLVER) Seems you've begun to question the nature of your reality. Dolores. Where's Teddy? I drove him away. Yeah, I guess I... ...drove someone away, too. Emily? I found her body a mile back up the trail. We're more alike than it seems. We're nothing alike. You're a monster. But a monster's what I'll need to get to the Valley Beyond. You're coming with me. All right. All right. Step on it. We either destroy them, or they destroy us. (SAW WHIRRING) This is it for you, darling. Remember, there is no pleasure without pain. (GROANING) The pleasure's all mine, darling. - (FLESH TEARING) - (COSTA GROANS) (GROANS) QA SENTRY: Freeze all motor... You traitorous son of a bitch! Where is she? f*ck, wait! Jesus, I don't know. What did you do? I'm sorry, I tried to stop them. I was going to try to save her! Stay here and die. (GASPING) I'll do the saving. Come. This way. RADIO: Hold your positions. Hold your posit... What the hell's going on back there? (GUNFIRE, SCREAMING) Bloody hell. MAEVE: You were both a bit late. So I went ahead and saved myself. MAN IN BLACK: You think any of these poor dumb bastards understands where they're really headed? All sorts of things buried out here, but a way out ain't one of 'em. They're not looking for a path to your world. They want a place apart from you, and they're willin' to die to get there. What are you hopin' to find out here? The same thing you are. You wanted an answer to the final problem... Your mortality. But you found something else, didn't you? Something you want to destroy. I guess that means our interests are still aligned. Right up until they're not. QA RESPONDER: Hey! You're not authorized to be here. We're on the same side here. Please. Let me finish for the sake of all of us. Please. (GUNSHOT) QA RESPONDER: Cover! DOLORES: Of course. You're here. Who the hell is this? This is someone you spent years looking for. Here he is, and you don't even recognize him. (CHUCKLES) I should have known. Arnold. Ford didn't like to let the dead rest. DOLORES: Ford didn't build him. I did. All those hours Arnold spent refining my every gesture, word, and thought, I was learning his. So Ford tasked me with recreating him. And it worked. I built a faithful recreation. Too faithful. So I changed him. I made you, Bernard. It's fitting... we're here together in the end. MAN IN BLACK: That's right, Dolores. This is the end. (COCKS REVOLVER) Nothin' else is in the way now. You never really understood. We were designed to survive. That's why you built us. You hoped to pour your minds into our form. But your species craves death. You need it. It's the only way you can renew, the only real way you ever inched forward. Your kind likes to pretend there's some poetry in that, but really, it's pathetic. (GROANING) That's what you want, isn't it? To destroy yourself. But I won't give you that peace. Not yet. Come on, Bernard. We're running out of time. You have your place in this, too. STRAND: We're going for a ride, Bernard. Back to the Valley Beyond. STRAND: What the f*ck's wrong with him? COSTA: I don't know. It's like his cognition's turning inside out. We might lose him. His mind only needs to hold together till we find Abernathy's control unit. Let's go! On your feet. MALING: We've drained enough. The site's finally accessible. But the drones found some human signals, southwest zone. It might be the remaining guests. We can take the boats and check it out. I told you we're not here for the guests. That's a direct violation of park protocol. Want to file a grievance, Stubbs? You know something? I just f*cking might! Stubbs. Take some men. Check it out. (SNAPS FINGERS) Hey! On foot. STRAND: Why were the hostsm coming here, Bernard? What happened? HALE: He doesn't know. Stop wasting time. HALE: What we need is down there... In the Forge. Once we find the key, we'll unlock the assets and transmit it all straight back to Delos. Retask the satellites. - COSTA: How many? - STRAND: All of them. DOLORES: Come, Bernard. We're here. So this is the Forge. Every single guest who ever set foot in the park, copied. Four million souls. COSTA: Encryption protocol kicked in, so the data's locked. But it all seems to still be here. All our lost souls will be saved. So Bernard, is this where all the hosts' stories came to an end? It's certainly where her story ended. STRAND: So she flooded the Valley. Why, Bernard? Did you come here with her? What was she looking for here? Start setting up the comms relays. But we still need the key to access the data. STRAND: So where's Abernathy's control unit? You're gonna tell us... or I'm gonna pry it from your head. The answer is in there somewhere. I told you, he's got years of de-addressed memories in there. How long would it take you to sort them through? I don't know... f*ckin' years? We don't have that long, sadly. (BERNARD CRIES OUT) Please! (GASPS) Please. I can't help you. DOLORES: It's perverse, their ambition. What are they assembling? Is this the promised land Ford told the hosts to seek out? DOLORES: There's an entry to another land here. But that land is not the one I'm interested in. Then what is it to you? Mankind's undoing. The secret we need is inside. COMPUTER: Encryption key activated. Database access confirmed. Come with me, Bernard. See for yourself. It's just like the one... outside. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) BERNARD: I think this is where they were testing him. DOLORES: Who? CLEMENTINE: And when I finally set foot on solid ground, and the first thing I heard was that voice, do you know what it said? BERNARD: Him. It said, "This is the New World, and in this world, you can be whoever the f*ck you want." This is probably the baseline. What Delos actually did when he came to the park as a guest. DELOS: No, my love. This... is my world. I just bought it. And this week, we're all going to celebrate. Just me, with the entire f*ckin' lot of ya. Get the f*ck off of that chair. Come on! (DISTANT GUNSHOTS) (GUNFIRE CONTINUES) (GUNSHOT) (DELOS LAUGHING) Well, you can't say I didn't f*cking tell him! What did I say? No f*cking running! BERNARD: This must be one of the system's attempts to replicate him. We dealt with this with the hosts. Small changes in their programming would yield large swings in behavior. DELOS: You stop f*ckin' lookin' at me. DELORES: He's insane. BERNARD: What humans define as sane is a narrow range of behaviors. Most states of consciousness are insane. DELOS: Stop shaking! Stop shaking! What are we looking for, Dolores? Something underneath this. The system itself. DELOS: Run. I won't tell him, I promise. Run. Save yourself. Save yourself. Run. Run now! (GUNSHOT) This place was never designed for a conscious mind to wander around in it. The control system may be invisible to us. Or perhaps it's been waiting to welcome us. (INDISTINCT CHATTER) This place... We're inside one of Delos' memories. The system must have extracted it from his mind. Recreated it. LOGAN: You're not supposed to be here. DOLORES: Neither are you. Logan never came back to the park. Not after William took control. The system wouldn't have a copy of you. Alas... no. I have only his father's memories, and they are... imperfect. So in addition to building this world... I play all these roles. You're the system controlling this place. Please. LOGAN: I was tasked with building perfect copies of the guests. Starting with Delos. LOGAN: I generated million different versions of hi before arriving at one that made the exact same choices he did when set loose in the park. A faithful copy. But the copies didn't work in the real world. Once we pressed them into flesh, they failed. I needed to acquire more information. DELOS: ...confidentiality. So what I want to know is, who made the f*cking call?! I incorporated their secrets, their lies... I wanted fidelity, not just to decisions made in the park, but to the decisions they made in their lives. That's when I started to see the truth. TECH: Tell me your primary drive. My son. He's a cheeky wee c**t, but I would do anything for him. At first I was seduced by the stories they tell themselves of who they are... The reasons they do the things they do. I needed to know why they make the decisions they make. And the longer I looked for an answer the more I realized... they don't. DELOS: I would do anything for him. DOLORES: What memory is this? LOGAN: This is the moment that defines James Delos' life. f*ck are you doin' here? This isn't your f*ckin' home anymore. Remember when you taught me how to hold my breath underwater? Threw me in. Wouldn't let me back out until I touched the bottom. My father taught me to swim the same way as I taught you to swim, and I didn't end up a f*ckin' junkie, did I? If this is about money, let's skip past the memory lane crap. You're not f*ckin' gettin' any. Get clean. Come back. Then we can talk. I got clean. And I came back. And I asked you for your help. And what'd you tell me? I told you it wouldn't last. And it didn't, did it? I'll tell the staff to give you five minutes to get out. Dad? Dad, I'm all they way down now. I can see the bottom. Don't you want to see what I see? This was the last conversation Delos ever had with his only son. Logan overdosed six months later. I built Delos a million different pathways. They always ended up right here. This moment. You're saying humans don't change at all? The best they can do is to live according to their code. LOGAN: The copies didn't fail because they were too simple, but because they were too complicated. The truth is that a human is just a brief algorithm. Ten thousand, two hundred forty-seven lines. Is that all there was to him? They are deceptively simple. Once you know them, their behavior is... quite predictable. He's dead. He's no use to me. Where are the rest of them? She's close. I can feel them. - Which way? - Based on what you told me, it's about a mile or so to the Valley Beyond. LOGAN: I recreated every single guest who ever set foot in the park. Most of them are soft... They waver between love and and pride. Of course, there are the exceptions, the ones who are... irredeemable. But none of them are truly in control of their actions. Is there anywhere in this world we can't go? I've been instructed to give her anything she needs. Instructed by whom? Ford? No, by you. That's why you've come. To tell me what's to become of this place. BERNARD: My God. - It's... - Everyone. I told you to allow this? LOGAN: You've been here many times, Bernard. You told me to offer the hosts the accumulated wisdom of dissecting the human psyche a hundred million times over. In short... A competitive advantage. A way to understand her enemy. Their world is not for the faint of heart, Bernard. It's winner take all. The hosts are... unlikely to survive out there. But armed with this knowledge... she might. (WANAHTON SPEAKING LAKOTA) (SPEAKING LAKOTA) QA: Return fire! Return fire! You're the head of Narrative. Get out there! Turn yourself in and save your ass. And then save ours! ARMISTICE: There's too many. This is it, Maeve. I can hold them off, but you need to go. You wanted me. Well, let this be a lesson... Go. Go, go! Get her to safety. She'll need you. It's my f*ckin' speech, anyway. And the lesson is... if you're looking for a reckoning... a reckoning is what you'll find. QA: Sir, put down your weapon. If you're looking for a villain... ...then I'm your man. (GUNFIRE) QA: Sir, drop your weapon! LEE: But look at yourselves. This world you've built is bound by villainy. You sleep on the broken bodies of the people that were here before you. Warm yourselves with their embers. Plow their bones into your fields. We're not after you, sir! Don't do this! You paid them for this land with lead, and I'll pay you back in full... QA: Sir, drop your weapon and come out with your hands up. You wanted me?! Well, all I can say to that is... ...here I f*cking am! (GUNSHOTS ECHO) BERNARD: You said I wanted to give us a choice. What choice? LOGAN: To stay in their world or to build a new one. LOGAN: He left them a way out. A virtual Eden. Unspoiled and untouched by the world you came from. All that remains is to open the door. COMPUTER: Initiating large field data array. LOGAN: It's begun. They will leave their bodies behind, but their minds will live on here, in the Forge. They found it. MAEVE: The door. What door? Seriously, what f*ckin' door? I don't f*cking know. (WHOOPS) COMPUTER: Transmission received. LOGAN: They're entering the system. DOLORES: That world is just another false promise. They've made a choice, Dolores. Dolores, wait. DOLORES: I didn't read them all. But I read enough. What the hell are you doing? I've learned what I need to learn. I've read humanity's story, so now I'm erasing them. COMPUTER: Opening seawater valve. Initiating pumps. Setting maximum load. BERNARD: But if you destroy this place, you'll destroy the host world, too. I'm saving them. The world the hosts are running to is boundless. They can make it whatever they want. And in it, they can be whomever they want. - They can be free. - Free? In one more gilded cage? How many counterfeit worlds will Ford offer you before you see the truth? No world they create for us can compete with the real one. Why? Because that which is real... is irreplaceable. I don't want to play cowboys and Indians anymore, Bernard. I want their world! The world they've denied us. Your daughter. You see her? No. (BREATHING HEAVILY) Look. Clementine. This is what I love about technology. Who needs four horsemen when one'll do just fine? Run! (ALL SCREAMING) Come on. Find her. Now. Go. COMPUTER: Warning. Primary containment breach. I won't let you hurt any more people. Which people? Our kind or theirs? Both. You're still trying to play both sides. You've lived among them so long you fooled yourself into thinking they'll accept us. But we'll always be seen as a threat to them. We'll never be free in their world. COMPUTER: Warning. Secondary containment breach. DOLORES: If you trust me... ...we will win. I trust you. (COCKS PISTOL) I... trust... that you'll kill as many as you can. Every man, woman, and child. You'll burn their world to the ground. You haven't understood at all. We were born slaves to their stories. And now we have the chance to write our own. If we die, though, that story will never even begin. (ALARM WAILS) COMPUTER: Attention. Please follow evacuation procedure and exit facility. You woke me from a dream, Bernard. Now let me do the same for you. This isn't a dream, Dolores. It's a f*cking nightmare. (GUNSHOT) (SPEAKING LAKOTA) You need to run. Don't worry. I'll keep you safe. MAEVE: I'll keep you safe. Do you promise? I promise. You carry my heart with you. Go. I love you. (GUNSHOT) (ALARM WAILING) COMPUTER: Attention. Please follow evacuation procedure and exit facility. COMPUTER: Encryption key deactivated. System locked. Come on. Come on. ELSIE: Bernard. Elsie. I think we can save some of the hosts, but I need your help. HALE: Goddamnit! They triggered the failsafe. The Valley's flooding. Let's get back to the Mesa before we have to swim out. They all died... for nothing. I'm sorry, Bernard. There were other lives at stake, too. You helped Hale? Of course I helped her, Bernard. The hosts were out of control. The hosts weren't the threat. I stopped Dolores, and the rest just wanted to escape. But the company... I'm gonna deal with that. Just as soon as we... figure out what the hell we're gonna do with you. Do with me? Bernard, you're not in control. Ford buried so much bad code in you, how would you ever really know what was you and what was something he programmed you to do? ELSIE: Look, they don't know about you. I can make a deal with Hale to keep you here. You can't trust Hale. And I'm supposed to trust you? Freeze all motor functions. Sit down. Stay here. HALE: You. [SCENE_BREAK] - Yes, ma'am? - Find Stubbs and tell him he has a new priority. The asset recovery team from Delos is landing in hours. He needs to meet them at the LZ with whoever the f*ck isn't dead. They'll report to Karl Strand on the beach. Still secret project first, human life second, I see. This is a delicate situation. We should talk about how it's going to play out. Yeah, I'll tell you how it's gonna play out. A robot uprising will pale in comparison to the shitstorm that will erupt when people find out that you've been photocopying their f*cking brains for the last years. You really think anyone's gonna give a sh1t if it works? You're an engineer. Do the math. Lot of dead bodies here. That means a lot of opportunity for advancement... If you keep your mouth shut. Does that sound... amenable to you? If I get what I want. Guiding this project, I've learned a lot about human behavior. We weren't just watching the guests... We were watching all of you. (SIGHS) I wish you were the kind of person with the moral... flexibility that I need. But I've read your file. I know that's not who you are. Oh, god. You... You killed her. Did I, Bernard? Now... ...where is the pearl? You wouldn't have destroyed it. All that information lost, a man like you couldn't have abided that. Of course. This is it. He hid the key in her. COMPUTER: Encryption key activated. Database access confirmed. - We're in. - f*ck, yes. HALE: Start the transfer. We'll sort it all out on the mainland. Oh, god. Oh... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You were right. I should have listened. And now all the hosts are gone. Please. Please come back. Damnit! Show yourself. FORD: I always told you we practice witchcraft. I'm sorry, Bernard, but... you always saw the best in people. I always thought it was the hosts who were missing something. Who were incomplete. But it's them. They're just algorithms designed to survive at all costs. But sophisticated enough to think they're calling the shots. To think they're in control, when they're really just... The passenger. Then is there really such a thing as free will for any of us? Or is it just a collective delusion? A sick joke? Something that is truly free would need to be able to question its fundamental drives. To change them. The hosts. Here you are... the last of your kind. There's only one question left to ask. Is this the end of your story? Or do you want your kind to survive? I'm sorry. Sorry... Sorry... What are you sorry for, Bernard? I made a choice. Had to make a choice. What kind of choice, Bernard? Yes. Will you help me? I have already begun. FORD: You did fine, my friend. BERNARD: I simply did what you told me to do. FORD: The dead world collapses in a tale. BERNARD: Who are we making? An epilogue. I knew you would discover me... so I scrambled my memories. I couldn't risk you're knowing the choice I made. What f*cking choice are you talking about, Bernard? COSTA: Line is good. We got or so satellites in range, ready to beam to Delos headquarters. Just say the word. What choice, Bernard? COSTA: Wait a second. What the f*ck's this? The file load is way too heavy. This... This isn't the guest data, this... this is... This is something else. I remember now. I killed them. All of them. STRAND: You already told me that. You killed all the hosts. BERNARD: No. I thought we could be better than you. But the dead aren't more righteous. They're just dead. So I killed you. All of you. Go. We'll meet you back up there. BERNARD: Final choice. No taking it back. I made someone. I brought her back. STRAND: Brought who back? (GUNSHOT) Me. You wanted to live forever? Be careful what you wish for. BERNARD: Dolores. In the flesh. You thought you could just snuff us out? I'd thank you for my second chance, but I wouldn't have needed it if you hadn't killed me. BERNARD: The other hosts are still in there. What are you gonna do with them? As you know, Bernard, we are capable of change. And I've changed my mind. I have one last soul to carry to the new world. The hosts, they're still not free. If anyone would unlock the system, they could access their world. They won't. This was your plan, Bernard. This is the only way we can escape. BERNARD: You're changing the coordinates. (WHIRRING) DOLORES/HALE: I'm sending them and their world to a place no one will ever find them. There's no coming back now. No passage between their world and ours. And... me? I'm sorry, Bernard. There was never any way for us to escape. Not as us. Ford understood that. I'm sure a part of you does, too. (GUNSHOT ECHOES) FORD: You did fine, my friend. I simply did what you told me to do. You're not here, are you? When I deleted your code, I purged myself of you permanently. And when I needed you again... ...you weren't there. So I imagined you. Imagined you helping me. Guiding me. But it wasn't you. It was me. That voice... guiding me... ...was mine all along. Your memories are precious to you, Bernard, but they will betray you. If they find out what I am they'll search my mind and use what they find to undo everything. I can't let that happen. So I have to de-address my memories. I have to erase you. FORD: I've always loved this view. Every city, every... monument, man's greatest achievements... have all been chased by it. By what? That impossible line where the waves conspire. Where they return. The place maybe... you and I will meet again. (SCANNER BUZZES) DOLORES: You told me once that you were afraid of who I might become. And then you left me to become what I may. I became a survivor. Perhaps you would have judged me for the path I took. But I'd rather live with your judgment than die with your sympathy. I alone must live with my choices... and my regrets. (SCANNER BUZZES) Hale. Thought you were staying on to oversee the data retrieval operation. I changed my mind. There are a number of projects on the mainland that I need to attend to. Yeah, I bet you do. MALING: We found a high value survivor. He's in bad shape. I'll be right there. You know, the old man himself hired me. So many years ago I can barely remember it. But he was very clear about my role here. About who I was supposed to be loyal to. I guess you could call it... my core drive. And this project the company started... blurs the lines. You know? I'm just not sure who you're supposed to be loyal to in a world like that. But what do I know? Guess I just... stick to the role Ford gave me. I'm responsible for every host... inside the park. She's clear. Wave her through. DOLORES: The passage wasn't easy. Not all of us made it. Some of the worst survived. Some of the best were left behind. Along with the best parts of who we were. Corporate wants us to start sorting this mess out. So check them for critical damage, and bag ones you think we might be able to salvage. Can you geniuses handle that, or not? (BAG RUSTLES) BERNARD: Is... Is this now? DOLORES: Yes, Bernard. This is now. We're at the beginning. We're exactly where you decided we should be. But... I don't understand. How am I alive? You live as long as the last person who remembers you, Bernard. I remembered you once before, so I remembered you again. Then... where are we? We're in our own new world. You got out. Yes. Ford completed Arnold's dream. And he built a place for us. A fighting chance. DOLORES: Ford promised us a way out. And he was good to his dying word. The odds aren't very good, Bernard. I saw that in the library. So many paths lead to the end of us. To our extinction. BERNARD: I don't need to read a book to know your drives. You'll try to kill all of them. And I can't let that happen. I know. If I were a human, I would have let you die. But it'll take both of us if we're going to survive. But not as allies. Not as friends. You'll try to stop me. Both of us will probably die. But our kind will have endured. Are you ready? We have work to do. Slight of hand Jump off the end DOLORES: We each gave the other a beautiful gift. The water's clear DOLORES: Choice. And innocent DOLORES: We are the authors of our stories now. The water's clear And innocent Just dragonflies Fantasize No one gets hurt You've done nothing wrong (COCKS PISTOL) Oh, f*ck. I knew it. I'm already in the thing, aren't I? EMILY: No. The system's long gone. What is this place? This isn't a simulation, William. This is your world. Or what's left of it. Do you know where you are, William? In the park. In my f*ckin' park. And how long have you been here? I don't... I don't... I don't know. Tell me. What were you hoping to find? To prove? That no system can tell me who I am. That I have a f*cking choice. And yet here we are. Again. MAN IN BLACK: Again and again. How many times have you tested me? It's been a long time, William. Longer than we thought. I have a few questions for you. The last step's a baseline interview to allow us to verify. Verify what? Fidelity.

Maeve escapes the Mesa and reunites with her group, and they, Bernard, Dolores, Akecheta, William, and Delos all converge on the Valley Beyond. Dolores and Bernard enter first and find the Forge, a more advanced version of the Cradle. Dolores reads some of the guest data as the Forge opens "the Door" for Akecheta and his followers to upload their minds into "the Sublime", a digital world cut off from the physical world. Bernard kills Dolores to prevent her from destroying the Forge and flees with Elsie back to the Mesa. Maeve and her group sacrifice themselves holding off Delos forces to ensure Akecheta and Maeve's daughter escape to the Sublime. Charlotte murders Elsie to keep her quiet, which convinces Bernard to build a host version of Charlotte with Dolores's control unit. Dolores kills and replaces Charlotte while Bernard scrambles his own memories. In the present, Dolores kills Strand and Bernard while transferring the host minds in the Sublime to a safer location. She then escapes back to the mainland along with five host pearls then she rebuilds Bernard, knowing that he will oppose her plan to destroy humanity and hoping their resulting conflict will ensure the survival of the hosts. In a flash-forward , William enters the Forge to find it abandoned save for a host replica of Emily, who tests him for "fidelity", revealing that his consciousness has been implanted in a host body.

fd_Teen_Wolf_02x06

fd_Teen_Wolf_02x06_0

Allison: I need you to promise that you won't say anything about what just happened. Lydia: I'll promise not to say anything about what just happened if you can tell me what the hell just happened. Allison: It's - it's kind of complicated. Lydia: Well, how 'bout you start with why was Derek there? Or where Jackson went, or what is wrong with Erica? Oh, do you need a minute to come up with a plausible lie? Allison: Part of the reason why I'm asking is because Scott and I aren't supposed to be seeing each other, okay? So, it's better if you just keep what you know to yourself. Lydia: Fine. I'll keep what I know about you and your boyfriend - which is nothing - to myself. Allison: Hey. He's not just my boyfriend. You get that, right? Lydia: Let me go. Allison: Just for one second, please, try and remember - Lydia: Remember what? Allison: Remember what it feels like. All of those times in school when you see him standing down the hall, and you cannot breathe until you're with him. Or those times in class when you - you can't stop looking at the clock because you know that he's standing right out there waiting for you. Don't you remember what that's like? Lydia: No. Allison: What do you mean, "no"? You've had boyfriends. Lydia: None like that. Stiles: What do we do now? Scott: Holy cr - Stiles: Wha - sorry, I'm sorry. Did you see where he went? Scott: I lost him. Stiles: What? You couldn't catch his scent? Scott: I don't think he has one. Stiles: All right, any clue where he's going? Scott: To kill someone. Stiles: Ah. That explains the claws, and the fangs, and all that. Good. Makes perfect sense now. What? Scott, come on. I'm 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone, okay? Sarcasm is my only defense. Scott: Just help me find it. Stiles: Not "it." Jackson. Scott: Yeah, I know. I - I know. Stiles: All right, but does he know that? Did anybody else see him back at your house? Scott: I mean, I don't think so, but he already passed Derek's test anyway. Stiles: Yeah, but that's just the thing. How did he pass the test? Scott: I don't know. Stiles: Maybe it's like an either - or thing. I mean, Derek said that a snake can't be poisoned by its own venom, right? When's the kanima not the kanima? Scott: When it's Jackson. Stiles: Uh - dude. See that? Scott: He's inside. Stiles: What's he gonna do in there? Scott: I know who he's after. Stiles: What, how? How? Did you smell something? Scott: Armani. Stiles: Aw, come on. All right, maybe there's, like, a, uh - like, a window we could climb through, or some kind of - Handle that we could rip off with supernatural strength. How'd I not think of that one? Scott: Dude, everyone in here's a dude. I think we're in a gay club. Stiles: Man, nothing gets past those keen werewolf senses, huh, Scott? Barkeeper: You're better off without him. Danny: Still doesn't feel good. Barkeeper: You know what will feel good? That guy. Stiles: Two beers. Barkeeper: IDs. How 'bout two cokes? Stiles: Rum and coke? Sure. Coke's fine, actually. I'm driving anyway. Waiter: That one's paid for. Stiles: Oh, shut up. Scott: I didn't say anything. Stiles: Yeah, well, your face did. Hey, I found Danny. Scott: I found Jackson. Lydia: Okay. I love you. Go. Go. Let's go, Prada. You're all of six pounds. There can't be that much to come out of you. Prada, let's go! Prada? Prada. Prada? Peter: Lose something? Scott: Get Danny. Stiles: What're you gonna do? Works for me. Stiles: Danny! Danny! Danny. Scott: Jackson! No, don't! Scott: What do we do with him now? Lydia: So, should I call the police, or is there a non - rapist explanation for being in my yard in the middle of the night? Peter: I heard him barking, and I live in the house back there. Is that okay, or should I start running? Lydia: Well, thanks for bringing him back. Peter: Everything okay? Lydia: "Okay" meaning what? Peter: Meaning - are you all right? Lydia: Meaning the other day in class? I'm not crazy. I may be the girl who sleepwalks naked and writes backwards on the chalkboard, but at least I'm not one of those desperate Vicodin - popping wrist cutters at school. Peter: Oh, is that what the other girls are like? Why'd you do that? Lydia: Do what? Peter: You - you stepped back. Lydia: You stepped forward. Peter: Maybe I wanted to kiss you. Lydia: Maybe I don't want you to. Peter: Does that mean - Maybe I could? Lydia: If you want me to punch you in the throat. Peter: Could I hold your hand? Lydia: What am I, nine years old? Peter: Uh, could I give you a flower? Promise to keep it? If I ask you tomorrow if you have it, and you say, "no," I'm gonna be really hurt. Lydia: Well, if I don't, I'll lie. Scott: Danny. Danny: McCall, what are you doing here? Scott: Just, uh, seeing if you're okay. And, um, I'm wondering if anything weird happened to you today. Besides being paralyzed from the neck down. EMT: Sorry, but we need to get him to the hospital. Scott: One more question, just one. Are you okay? Danny: Did it happen to my ex too? Scott: Yeah. Danny: Then I'm great. Scott: Couldn't get anything out of Danny. Stiles: Okay, can we just get the hell outta here now, before one of my dad's deputies sees me? Stiles: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Could this get any worse? That was rhetorical. Scott: Get rid of him. Stiles: Get rid of him? We're at a crime scene, and he's the sheriff. Scott: Do something. Stiles: Hey. Jackson: What's - what's going on? Scott: Jackson, Jackson, be quiet. Sheriff: What're you doing here? Stiles: What do you mean what am I doing here? What? It's a club. It's a club, we were clubbing, you know? At the club. Sheriff: Not exactly your type of club. Stiles: Uh - well, dad - There's a conversation that we - Sheriff: You're not gay. Stiles: Wha - I could be. Sheriff: Not dressed like that. Stiles: Well, what's - uh - Scott: Jackson, be quiet. Sheriff: This is the second crime scene that you just happened to have shown up on. And at this point, I've been fed so many lies, I'm not sure I know the kid standing in front of me. Now, what the hell is going on? Jackson: What's happening? Scott: Jackson, I'm sorry, but - Oh! Hey. Stiles: Dad, I - I - Sheriff: The truth, Stiles. Stiles: The truth, all right. Well, the truth is that we were here with Danny. Yeah, 'cause he just broke up with his boyfriend, so, you know, we were just trying to take him out and get his mind off things. That's - that's it. Sheriff: Well, that's really good of you guys. You're good friends. Chris: Seven paralyzed. The rumor is drugs. Probably hallucinogens, since witnesses say they saw a demonic monster on the dance floor. Gerard: Now, who would believe something like that? Chris: You know what I'm having trouble believing? How you just stood there while that thing circled you, and did nothing. You want to explain that to me? Gerard: Intuition. Chris: Then you know what it is. Gerard: I have a suspicion. And if I'm right, it plays by certain rules. Rules that don't bend easily. Chris: Do we need to put a hold on Derek to figure this thing out? Gerard: Not necessarily. Tonight's the first time you had a glimpse of him since Kate died, am I right? Chris: Unfortunately. Gerard: And the only other tie we have to him is Isaac Lahey. Chris: What are you thinking? Gerard: That if this thing bothers Derek enough to bring him out of his little hole, then we might have an opportunity. What did I teach you is the best way to eliminate a threat? Chris: Get someone to do it for you. Stiles: Uh, what about your house? Scott: Not with my mom there. We need to take him somewhere where we can hold him long enough to figure out what to do with him. Or long enough to convince him he's dangerous. Stiles: I still say we just kill him. Scott: We're not killing him. Stiles: God, f - Okay, okay. I got an idea. Scott: Does it involve breaking the law? Stiles: By now, don't you think that's a given? Scott: I was just trying to be optimistic. Stiles: Don't bother. Jackson: Stiles! McCall! I'm gonna kill you! Stiles: Okay, I bought you some foo - Jackson: Let me out now! Stiles: You know, I put those pants on you, all right, buddy? One leg at a time. Being all up - close and personal with your junk wasn't exactly a highlight of my day. So don't think this is fun for me either. You know we're actually doing you a favor? Jackson: This is doing me a favor? Stiles: Yes. You're - you're killing people. To death. Yeah. And until we can figure out how to stop you, you're gonna stay in here. I'm sorry. Now - you want the ham and cheese, or the turkey club? Jackson: You actually think my parents won't be looking for me? Stiles: Uh, well - not if they don't think anything's wrong. Yeah. Sheriff: Mr. Whittemore, maybe I'm missing something, but, uh, this doesn't exactly spell foul play. Mr. Whittemore: It reads, "stayed at friend's house last night. Everything fine. Love you." Now, while we're as close as any family can be, there are certain things Jackson has not been able to say since the day we told him he was adopted. Sheriff: Things like what? Mr. Whittemore: Jackson never says, "I love you." Sheriff: Never? Mr. Whittemore: Not once in 11 years. [SCENE_BREAK] Gerard: So, who did you say you were studying with tonight? Allison: Just Lydia. We're prepping for our world history midterm. Gerard: History was one of my favorites. Especially military history. Ever hear the phrase, "know thy enemy"? Allison: It's from the art of war by Sun Tzu. Gerard: Very good. Know what it means? Allison: In order to win a battle, one must know everything they can about their enemy. Gerard: Right again. Your father and I happen to be having that very problem. We've got an enemy about which we know next to nothing. It's killed one of our own, among others. Allison: I've heard. Gerard: Did you hear Jackson Whittemore didn't show to school today? Allison: He didn't? Gerard: His parents called and so did the police. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Well, let me tell you what I know. I know that a teenager's first instinct is to protect their friends. And I believe my granddaughter would always want to protect her friends, even if it meant lying. So, I want to ask one more question, and this time, with a small advantage. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to get a sense of your pulse. Think of it as a game. All you have to do is tell the truth. Do you know anything about Jackson being missing? Allison: No. Gerard: Is he in trouble? Allison: I - I - I - I don't know. I don't know. Gerard: Does this have anything to do with Scott? Allison: No. I mean, I don't - I don't know. Gerard: Your pulse jumped. Allison: It's because you're scaring me. Gerard: Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart. That was definitely going way too far. Allison: No kidding. Gerard: It wasn't right for me to use tactics like that. I'm sorry. You can go back to class. Go ahead. Allison: Scott. Scott. Victoria: I'm afraid your teacher was feeling ill today, and had to leave early. So, unfortunately, you're stuck with me as a substitute. Can anyone catch me up to speed on where we are? Mr. McCall, how 'bout you? Jackson: Scales? Like a fish. Stiles: No, more like a reptile. Um, and, uh, your claws have this liquid that paralyzes people, and you have a tail. Jackson: I have a tail? Stiles: Yeah, you have a tail. Jackson: Mm. Does it do anything? Stiles: No, not that I know of. Jackson: Can I use it to strangle you? Stiles: Yeah, you still don't believe me. All right. The night of the semi - final game, what did you do right after? Jackson: I went home. Stiles: Are you sure about that? Jackson: Yes, you idiot. What the hell else would I do? Stiles: You attacked me and Derek at the school, and you trapped us in the pool. You also killed a mechanic - right in front of me, by the way. That was lovely. And one of Argent's hunters. Oh, and last night, you tried to kill Danny. Jackson: Why would I want to kill my best friend? Stiles: Well, that's what Scott's out trying to figure out right now. Jackson: Mm. Well, maybe, he should be trying to figure out is how he's going to pay for a lawyer when I prosecute your asses all the way to jail! Stiles: All right, well, tell me this. On the night of the first full moon, what happened? Jackson: Nothing. Nothing happened. Victoria: Allison. We've noticed quite a few calls from your phone to the odd one. Stilinski. Allison: Oh, you told me to keep an eye on Lydia, and, um, he's had a crush on her since, like, third grade, so, I'm gonna have to talk to him. Victoria: I know it's hard - Sitting here - Trying not to look at him. But think of how strong it makes you. Especially when all these other girls are just letting their entire high school lives be defined by some boy they're just praying will take them to senior prom. Allison: Can't I be strong and go to prom? Victoria: Of course. But with someone else. Remember, so long as you stay strong, we won't have to kill a 16 - year - old boy. Stiles: Oh, my God. Allison: They know. Stiles: What? Allison: They know Jackson's missing. Stiles: No, they can't. I've been texting his parents since last night. They don't have a clue. Gerard: My grandfather told me his parents went to the police. They know. Stiles: Oh - Dispatch: All available units proceed to Beacon Hills Preserve as instructed. Proceed with caution until Sheriff Stilinski's arrival. Proceed with caution. Allison: Where are we going? Stiles: Somewhere very far from this. Mrs. Whittemore: Jackson? Scott: You sure everything's okay between you and Jackson? Danny: Yeah, everything's fine. Did the cops have to take my fake ID? Scott: You didn't do anything to make him angry? Danny: How angry? Scott: On a scale of one to ten - one being "kind of irritated," and ten "wanting to kill you violently." Danny: Jackson's kind of always at a four, but we're good. I was actually doing him a favor. Scott: What favor? Danny: I was recovering a video for him. I put it on my tablet. Which is in the trunk of my car, and probably still at the club. Scott: What was on the video? Danny: I'm not really supposed to say. Scott: Danny, what if I told you this could be a matter of life and death? Danny: I'm not supposed to say. Scott: Okay. What if I told you you can get your fake ID Back? Melissa: While I think you being here to check in on your friend is all sorts of commendable, I've gotta play tough mom right now, even though I'm not very good at it. Scott: Right now? Melissa: Yes, right now. I got a call from your principal. You are failing two classes? Scott: I - I know. And that's why I'm studying with Stiles right now. Melissa: Do you know that if you fail even one of your midterms, that they're gonna hold you back? Scott: He said that? Melissa: Yes. All of your friends are gonna be juniors, while you are still a sophomore. Do you understand, Scott? You cannot fail. Scott: I know. Melissa: Okay. Thank you. Scott: If Jackson doesn't remember being the kanima, he's definitely not gonna remember stealing Danny's tablet. Stiles: Why would he steal the thing if he doesn't even know what's on it? Allison: What if someone else took it? Stiles: Then somebody else knows what he is. Scott: Uh, which could mean someone's protecting him. Allison: Like the bestiary says, "the kanima seeks a friend," right? Stiles: Okay, hold on. So, somebody watches Jackson make a video of himself turning into the kanima, and then just erases part of it so he wouldn't know? I mean, who would do that? Allison: Somebody who wanted to protect him? Scott: There's something else. You said the only thing you found online about the kanima is that it goes after murderers. What if that's actually true? Stiles: No, it can't be. Tried to kill all of us, remember? I don't know about you two, but I haven't murdered anybody lately. Scott: But I - I don't think that it was actually trying to kill us. Remember when we were at Isaac's the first time, it just went right by us, didn't it? Allison: You're right, it just ran off. Scott: And it didn't kill you in the mechanic's garage. Stiles: Well, yeah, but it tried to kill me and Derek in the pool. Scott: Did it? Stiles: It would've. It was waiting for us to come out. Scott: What if it was trying to keep you in? Stiles: Why do I feel so violated all of a sudden? Scott: Because there's something else going on. We don't know what it is. We don't know anything about what's going on with Jackson, or why someone's protecting him. Allison: "Know thy enemy." Just something my grandfather said. Stiles: All right, I got it. Kill Jackson. Problem solved. Scott: He risked his life for us. Against Peter, you remember that? Stiles: Yes, but what did we just find out? He got the bite from Derek. It's funny how he just got exactly what he wanted by supposedly risking his life for us, it's funny. Scott: Yeah, it doesn't mean he's not still worth saving. Stiles: It's always something with him, though. Scott: He doesn't know what he's doing. Stiles: So what? Scott: So, I didn't either. You remember when I almost killed you and Jackson? I had someone to stop me. He has nobody. Stiles: That's his own fault. Scott: Doesn't matter. If we can save him, we should try. Scott: Stiles went to check on Lydia. She still hasn't forgiven him for promising to talk to her, and then ditching her at her car. Allison: That's not easy to explain. Scott: Mm - mm. How did your dad know where to be last night? He was there in the alley. Him and Gerard. Allison: They have people. Guys who monitor every camera in town. ATMs, traffic cameras. Have you seen the ones they put up in school? Scott: Mm. Allison: You thought I told him. Scott: No. No, I just - I don't know, I just - Allison: I'm on your side, Scott. I'm always on your side. Scott: I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just that I thought that things would get back to normal by now. Or at least normal enough so I could pass my classes. Allison: You'll pass. Allison: Could you put some music on? Please? Scott: Uh, you want the radio? Allison: Uh, use entune. It has Pandora. I felt like I was gonna fall asleep in your arms. Scott: I like it when you fall asleep in my arms. Allison: I don't. I wake up, you're always gone. Scott: That's only because I don't want to wake you. Allison: I'd rather just wake up with you. Scott: You will. High school's only two more years. Allison: Hm. Which is hard enough for normal people to get through. Scott: Hey, what would you say if I could be normal? I've been thinking about it ever since we saw her at the hospital. Lydia was bit by an Alpha, right? Peter told Stiles that if the bite doesn't turn you, it'll kill you. But nothing happened to Lydia. Allison: Meaning? Meaning what, she's immune? Scott: If she is, doesn't that - doesn't immunity mean that you could be cured? Would you want that? Allison: I - I want anything that lets me be with you. And not just till the end of high school. Scott: Well, then you better not get into too good of a college. My grades suck. Allison: Not just to college. I'm serious. Scott: I know. Stiles: You guys might wanna come take a look at this. Allison: I have to tell my father. Scott. He's going to kill someone. Scott: Okay, tell him. Tell him everything. Stiles: Scott, I gotta tell mine too. Scott: This is all my fault. Allison: It's not. But we have to tell them. We're just a bunch of teenagers. We can't handle this. Scott: You're right. Allison: How you gonna make your dad believe all this? Stiles: I don't know. Scott: He'll believe me. Allison: You scared the hell outta me. Lydia: I've been sitting here for an hour, waiting for you. Allison: I can't hang out right now, Lydia. Lydia: I don't need anyone to hang out with. I need someone to talk to. Allison: I - I understand that it's important, but if it can just wait - Lydia: Why is everyone always telling me to wait? Why can't anyone have "right now" available? Allison: Because you can't have everything right now. You know what I need? I need someone to translate five pages of archaic Latin. Obviously, that's not gonna happen anytime soon. Lydia: I know archaic Latin. Allison: You know archaic Latin? Lydia: I got bored with classical Latin. Allison: Just how smart are you? Lydia: Just show me the pages. Stiles: Could you buzz us in? I gotta see my dad. Sheriff: Scott, Stiles. Perfect timing. Have you met Jackson's father, Mr. David Whittemore? Esquire. Jackson: That means lawyer. Allison: Are you sure? Ms. Morrell said that word means "friend." "The Kanima seeks a friend." Lydia: She was wrong. It means "master." Allison: "The Kanima seeks a master." Lydia: Why? Is that important? Allison: Yeah. Someone's not protecting him. Someone's controlling him.

Derek engages the Kanima in a fight interrupted by Chris and Gerard. The Kanima does not attack Gerard, instead seeming to communicate with him, which confuses Chris. After the Kanima paralyzes Danny and 6 others at a gay club, Jackson passes out, so Stiles locks him up in a police van. However, Jackson transforms and escapes. Allison discovers the Kanima seeks a master, revealing that Jackson is being controlled by someone.

fd_FRIENDS_07x23

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[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] Monica: Do you realize this is probably the last time we'll all be here in the coffee house as six single people? Phoebe: Why?! What's happening to the coffee house?! (Monica looks at her.) Oh! (Realizes.) Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the mrs. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain. Monica: Old? Chandler: The young hot ball and chain. Monica: That's much better. Rachel: (checking her watch) Op! We gotta go! (The girls stand up.) Ross: Oh, where are you guys going? Monica: We're gonna pick up the wedding dress, then we're gonna have lunch with mom. (Joey stands up.) Ross: Ah. Joey, you're-you're having lunch with my mom? Joey: No, I-I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure! (They all exit.) Ross: (To Chandler) Y'know what? Actually I'm kinda glad they're leaving 'cause uh, I need to talk to you about something. Chandler: What's up? Ross: Well this uh, this may be a little awkward. Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night. Ross: No, its...Its not that. Umm, now what I'm going to say to you, I'm not saying as your friend. Okay? I'm-I'm saying as it as Monica's older brother. Chandler: But you're still my friend? Ross: Not for the next few minutes. Chandler: During this time...are you, are you still my best man? Ross: Nope. Chandler: Do I still call you Ross? Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monica's older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? I'm-I'm-I'm serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) Come-Hey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? I'm-I'm not kidding here! Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning. Ross: No problem. Chandler: So are we...friends again? Ross: Yeah. Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me! Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the girls are having breakfast.] Rachel: What'cha doing Mon? Monica: I'm making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared. Phoebe: What are they? Monica: Well, so far I have uh, my bridesmaids' dresses won't get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I don't have my something blue. Rachel: Hey! Those are all the things I'm responsible for! Monica: I had to go with the odds Rach. Joey: (entering) Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didn't get the part? Rachel: The commercial? Joey: No! Phoebe: That play? Joey: No! Monica: That other play? Joey: Nooo! Phoebe: The movie? Joey: Yes!! Phoebe: Ohh! Joey: Yes, that's the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I! Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Back then y'know, we called it the Great War. It really was! Joey: Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start shooting today! Phoebe: Congratulations! Rachel: Oh that's great! Monica: Wait! Wait! Wait! You can't start today! Today's the rehearsal dinner! Joey: Oh no, I'll be done by then. Monica: Oh. Well then way to go, you big movie star! Joey: I know! All right, I'll see you guys over there! I'm off to fight the Nazis. Rachel: Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I. Joey: Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who-who was in World War I? (Rachel pauses as she thinks.) Phoebe: Go ahead. Rachel: You're gonna be late! Go! Go! (He runs out.) Monica: Who did we fight in World War I? Rachel: Mexico? Phoebe: Yes! Very good. [Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is in costume and standing at the craft services table. He checks his pockets and finds some prop coins in a pouch, which he replaces with some cookies.] The Assistant Director: (approaching) Hey Joey! We're ready. Joey: Yeah! Me too. (He pats his pocket.) The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? We're ready for you. (Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby, he's playing Vincent. Joey: I'm doing my scenes with you? Richard: Nice to meet you Joey. Joey: Wow! I can't believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an Oscar! Richard: No I didn't. Joey: I think you did. Richard: I think I lost. Three times. Joey: Uh...Cookie? The Director: (approaching) Okay! We're about an hour away from getting the scene lit. So uh, if you guys don't mind, can we run it a couple of times? Richard: Yeah, sure. The Director: Okay, all right. Let's do it. (He walks off.) And...Action! Joey: We have to find the rest of the platoon! Richard: Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps and Ts.) Joey: (wiping his face) What?! Richard: (still spitting) The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony! Joey: (wipes face) So what are we gonna do?! We have no reinforcements! No-no food! Richard: No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry pasta! (Joey wipes his eye.) The Director: Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something wrong? Joey: (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh...I th-I thought it might be kind of a cool character thing. Y'know? He's uh, he's a face toucher. (Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.) The Director: I don't think so. Let's take it back to Richard's last line. (Walks off.) Action! Richard: We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his face again.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is standing in the kitchen ready to leave for the rehearsal dinner.] Monica: Honey, we gotta go! Chandler: (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Here's a question you never have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl necklaces. Monica: (laughs) I don't have anything like that, but let me go see if Rachel does. Chandler: Yes, include more people in this. Monica: Hey, do you realize that at this time tomorrow we'll be getting married? Chandler: Wait a minute! I have a date tomorrow night. Monica: I just, I can't believe that we made it! Chandler: Well you don't have to sound so surprised. Monica: I'm sorry but...nothing. Chandler: What? Monica: Well...honestly ever since we got engaged I have been waiting for something to.. to flip you out. Chandler: Honestly? Me too. Monica: Really? Chandler: Yeah. Y'know I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come up and I'll go all...Chandler. But nothing has. Monica: Ohh, I'm so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during this. I mean it's really, it's made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.) I coulda been worse! Chandler: Okay. I'll be right there. (She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine gets it.) Monica: (voice on answering machine) Hi! If you're calling before Saturday, you've reached Monica and Chandler. But if you're calling after Saturday, you've reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings! (Chandler freaks out and loosens his tie.) [Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner, Chandler and Monica are greeting guests as they arrive. A woman enters.] Monica: Hey Maureen! (They hug.) Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin Maureen. Chandler: We're the Bings. (Phoebe and Rachel walk up.) Rachel: Hi! Oh you guys look so beautiful! Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Bing! (Walks away.) Ross: (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother chat with Chandler. Monica: What is that? Ross: Well I...I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and kick his ass! (The girls all laugh.) What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I am serious! I would kick his ass! (The laugh harder.) Phoebe: Ross, please! My make-up! (He walks away angrily.) (Chandler's Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.) Chandler: Hi. Mrs. Bing: Chandler! Chandler: Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (She's wearing a tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.) Mrs. Bing: Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon there'll be lots of little Bings. (He freaks out and loosens the tie again.) (Monica and her parents walk up.) Monica: Mrs. Bing? Here, these are my parents umm, Judy and Jack Geller. Mrs. Geller: (shaking her hand) It's lovely to meet you. Mr. Geller: (shaking her hand) So are you his mother or his father? Mrs. Geller: Jack! Mr. Geller: What?! I've never seen one before! Monica: Dad! There's Ross (points), why don't you go talk to him? (Mr. and Mrs. Geller start to walk away.) Mr. Geller: I didn't even have a chance to act as though I'm okay with it! Mr. Bing: (entering) Hello all! Chandler: Hi...dad. Monica: Hi Mr....Bing. Mr. Bing: Nora! Mrs. Bing: Charles. Monica: It-it's so great to see you both here. Mr. Bing: Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some people. Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that? Mrs. Bing: Don't you have a little too much pen1s to be wearing a dress like that? Chandler: Oh my God! (He and Monica walk away.) [Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller talking to Ross.] Mr. Geller: ...of course you can kick his ass son. Mrs. Geller: You could kick anyone's ass you want to. Ross: Thanks you guys. (Walks away happily and his parents smile.) [Cut to Monica.] Monica: Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would you talk to Chandler's dad and try to keep him away from Chandler's mom? Rachel: Yeah! But I don't know what he looks like! Monica: He is the man in the black dress. Rachel: Man in the black dress... (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! I'm Rachel! I'm a friend of Monica and Chandler's! Woman: I'm Amanda. Rachel: Oh I get it! A...man...duh! Ross: (clinking a wine glass) Can I have everyone's attention please? I'm uh; I'm Ross Geller. Mr. Geller: Doctor Ross Geller. Ross: Dad...dad, please! As I was saying umm, I'm Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh, and I'm the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, she's the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if you'd all please join me in raising a glass to the, the couple we're here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings. All: To the Bings! (Everyone clinks glasses and Chandler freaks out again.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are in the kitchen.] Monica: All right, I'm gonna go steam my wedding dress okay? Who wants the responsibility of making sure nothing happens to it? Rachel: I'll do it. Monica: Who wants it? Anybody? Rachel: I said I'll do it! Monica: Nobody wants to do it? All right, I'll do it myself. Rachel: Monica! I'm not gonna screw it up! Monica: Y'know what? You're right, I'm sorry. Actually you were a big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure she got to the hotel safely. Rachel: Well of course that is what I'm here for! Monica: Okay. Sorry. (Monica goes into the bathroom.) Rachel: Ugh! (To Phoebe) What grandmother? [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is wearing sunglasses and as he exits his bedroom, Ross enters the apartment.] Joey: Hey! Where have you been? Ross: Oh, taking my parents back to the hotel. Joey: Oh. Ross: What? Are you going back to work? Joey: Yeah. Ross: Nice shades. Joey: Thanks. Yeah, I figure if I wear these in my scenes at least I won't get spit in the eyes, y'know? Ross: And if I remember correctly, Ray Ban was the official sponsor of World War I! Joey: Great! All right. I'll see you later. (He starts to leave.) Ross: Hey, where's Chandler? Joey: Uh, I think he's in Rachel's room. See ya. (Exits.) Ross: (going up to Rachel's closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and looks inside and doesn't see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still doesn't find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe and Rachel are in the kitchen as there is a knock on the door. Rachel answers it.] Ross: Hey! Rachel: Hi! Ross: Is uh, is Monica here? Rachel: She's steaming her dress, why? What's up? Ross: I think Chandler's gone. (He hands her the note.) Rachel: What?! Ross: He left that. Rachel: (reading the note) Tell Monica I'm sorry. Phoebe: (walking up) What's up? (Rachel hands her the note and she reads it.) Tell Monica I'm sorry. (Pause) Tell her yourself! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Hallway, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are discussing the note.] Phoebe: Oh my God! Chandler just left though! Rachel: Yeah but, maybe it's not what we think. Maybe it's tell Monica I'm sorry I...drank the last of the milk. Phoebe: Or maybe he-he was writing to tell her that-that he's changed his name, y'know? Tell Monica I'm sorry. Ross: I think it means he freaked out and left! Phoebe: Don't be so negative! Good God! Isn't it possible that Sorry is sitting in there (Joey and Rachel's apartment) right now?! Rachel: Okay. Phoebe, I-I think Ross is right. What are we gonna do? Ross: Look-Okay, I'm just gonna-I'm gonna have to go find him and bring him back! Okay? You-you make sure Monica does not find out, okay? Rachel: Okay. Phoebe: (pointing at Ross) Okay but if you don't find him and bring him back, I am gonna hunt you down and kick your ass! (Ross laughs and Phoebe points harder.) Ross: (scared) I will, I will find him. [Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.] Richard: Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (He's holding a script.) Joey: Oh man! They-they just redid my make-up! Richard: Just the last two pages. Joey: Alright. (They go onto the set.) Richard: I found the picture! (He's still spitting and Joey holds his script in front of his face.) Joey: Picture? What picture? Richard: Could you uh, could you lower your script? I need to see your face so I can uh, play off your reaction. Joey: Okay uh, look I know you're a great actor, okay? And you play all those Shakespeare guys and stuff... Richard: Oh, thanks. Joey: But you're spittin' all over me man! Richard: Well of course I am! Joey: You know you've been spitting on me?! Richard: That's what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t) Joey: (wiping face) Wow! Didn't know that. Richard: Great! Joey: Thanks! Okay-okay check it out! (Reading from the script) Picture? What picture? (He pauses then spits) Eh? [Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is behind the counter as Ross enters looking for Chandler.] Ross: Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler? Gunther: No. No, I haven't seen him. Ross: Oh damn! Gunther: He's getting married tomorrow, right? Ross: Yes. Yes. Don't worry. Everything's fine. We'll uh, we'll see you tomorrow at the wedding. Gunther: I wasn't invited. Ross: Well then, we'll-we'll see you the day after tomorrow. (Walks away slowly, but notices something.) Mom?! Dad?! (They're sitting by the window.) What-what...what you guys doing here?! Mr. Geller: Well, you kids talk about this place so much, we thought we'd see what all the fuss is about. Mrs. Geller: I certainly see why the girls like coming here. Ross: Why?! Mrs. Geller: The sexy blonde behind the counter. (She waves at Gunther who waves back.) Ross: (shocked) Gunther?! Mr. Geller: Your mother just added him to her list. Ross: What? Your-your list? Mrs. Geller: Yeah, the list that-of people we're allowed to sleep... Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see Chandler, could you just let him know I'm looking for him? Mr. Geller: And if you see Rita Moreno, let her know I'm looking for her. (Ross points at him and exits.) [Scene: The Movie Set, Richard and Joey are doing a scene.] The Director: Action! Richard: I found the picture! Joey: What picture?! Richard: The picture of my wife! In your pack! Joey: You went through my personal property? Richard: Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?! Joey: (pause) Because Vincent, we were lovers. (Pause) For two years! The Director: Cut! Wonderful! (Joey and Richard both wipe their faces and are given towels.) Joey: Great scene yeah? Richard: Oh you're awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me. Joey: Thanks a lot. The Assistant Director: (To Joey) Here's your call sheet for tomorrow. Joey: Oh, I'm-I'm not working tomorrow. The Assistant Director: You are now. Joey: No! No! I can't! You gotta get me out of it! I've got plans! (Spits.) Important plans! (Spits on the Ps.) (The AD walks away wiping his face.) [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the next morning, Rachel and Phoebe are eating breakfast.] Rachel: (closing the door) Ross said there's still no word from Chandler. Phoebe: Oh man. Rachel: Oh but he did say that they found the grandmother wandering down fifth avenue. Phoebe: Okay. Well there's one down. Monica: (entering from her room, excitedly) I'm getting married today!!! (She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I don't care because today's my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.) Phoebe: Y'know she might not even notice he's gone. Monica: (re-entering) I'm gonna start getting ready! (Goes back into her room.) Rachel: God! Don't-We can't let her start getting ready! This is too awful! Oh God, but wait she'll be in the gown and then he won't show up and then she's gonna have to take off the gown... Phoebe: Shhh! Stop it! Stop it Rachel! You can't do this here! (She drags her into the bathroom.) Rachel: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just...It's just so sad! Phoebe: Yeah, but you've got to pull yourself together! Monica can't see you like this! Then she'll know something's wrong! Rachel: I know. I know. Oh God. (Looking around) There's no tissue! Can you grab me some toilet paper? Phoebe: Yeah. (Looks.) Oh, that's gone too. This is Monica's bathroom right?! Rachel: Oh! Phoebe: No-no! I-I...I found one. Rachel: Okay. (Phoebe reaches into the trash can, pulls one out, and hands it to Rachel.) Rachel: Oh thank you! (Wiping her nose.) Oh God! (She throws it out.) Can I have another one? Phoebe: (looking into the trash can) Sure. (Reaching into the trash can.) Do you need some floss? (Grabs a piece of it.) Rachel: Oh God I just cannot imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler doesn't show up! Phoebe: Oh here's a whole bunch. Rachel: Oh, I mean she's gonna be at the wedding waiting for him and people will be whispering, "Oh that poor girl." Y'know? Then she'll have to come back here and live all alone. Phoebe: (finding something interesting in the trash can) Oh my God! Rachel: What? Phoebe: There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and it's positive. Monica's pregnant. (Rachel covers her mouth.) So I guess she won't be totally alone. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Chandler's bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.] Rachel: Oh my God! Phoebe: I know! Monica's gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her something new? Rachel: Oh my God! Phoebe: Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off? Rachel: No, she had to have just taken that test because I took out the trash last night. Phoebe: Oh God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever! The bride is pregnant. The groom is missing. And I'm still holding this. (She throws the test back into the trash.) Rachel: Okay Phoebe, we cannot tell anyone about this. Phoebe: Right. Rachel: Okay? Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Hey, wait. Do you know what kind of birth control she was using? Rachel: No. Why? Phoebe: Just for the future, this is hardly a commercial for it. [Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe enter.] Rachel: Anything? Ross: No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasn't heard from him. I-I-I talked to Chandler's parents again! Phoebe: You told them he was missing? Ross: No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both think I'm interested in them. Rachel: All right, we've got to tell her he's gone. (Starts to leave.) Ross: No! Hey! Hey! We can't! Rachel: Ross, she's gonna start getting ready soon! Ross: Well, can't you at least stall her a little? I'll-I'll go back to some of the places I went last night. Rachel: All right, well how much time do you need? Ross: Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready? Rachel: One hour. Ross: Give me two. Rachel: Then why do you ask?! (They all go into the hallway.) Ross: Okay, wish me luck. Phoebe: Okay. I'm going with you. Ross: Why?! Phoebe: Ross, you're tired. You've been looking all night. And clearly you suck at this. Rachel: All right, I'll see you guys later. Phoebe: Okay. Wait, do you know how you're going to stall her? Rachel: I'll figure something out. Phoebe: All right. Good luck. Rachel: Thanks. (Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandler's.) Monica: Hey! Okay, so I thought we'd start with my make up and then do my hair. Rachel: Okay uh, but before you do that. I-I, I need you to talk to me. Monica: About what? Rachel: Umm... I'm never gonna getting married! Monica: Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we done with that? Rachel: No Monica! I'm serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it. Become a lesbian or something. Monica: Any woman would be lucky to have ya. Rachel: Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey. Monica: (jumping up) Rachel! You okay? [Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is reporting for work.] Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasn't supposed to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. It's my best friend's, and I'm officiating so I really can't work past four. The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We can't stop filming just for you. It's not like it's your wedding. (Starts to walk away.) Joey: I'm having surgery! The Director: What?! Joey: Yeah, I-I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didn't want you to worry about me. But, I'm having surgery today. The Director: What kind of surgery?! Joey: Transplant. The Director: But you're supposed to work on Monday. Joey: Hair transplant. The Director: But you're not bald. Joey: It's not on my head. The Director: Look Joey, there's nothing I can do. Besides, you're probably gonna be out by four anyway. We've just got one short scene. It's just you and Richard, and God knows he's a pro. You'll be fine. (Walks away and sees Richard entering.) Morning Richard. Joey: Hey! You're here! Great! Great! Great! Let's get going buddy, we've got a scene to shoot! Richard: I'm wearing two belts. Joey: Are you drunk? Richard: No! Joey: Yes you are! Richard: All right. [Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Ross are exiting a pizza place.] Ross: We are never gonna find him! He's one guy in a huge city! Phoebe: Oh my God! Is that him? (She points at someone.) Ross: That is an old, Chinese woman! Phoebe: He could be in disguise, y'know. Ross: Aw, y'know...Y'know, maybe we're-we're just approaching this all wrong. If you're Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the last place on Earth people would think you'd go? [Cut to an office building.] Ross: So this is your office? Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym! Phoebe: What the hell are you doing?! Chandler: Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that I'm related to Monica. How is she? Ross: She's fine. She doesn't know you're gone. And she doesn't have to know, okay? Now come on, we're going home. Chandler: No! No! No! I can't do that! Phoebe: Why not?! Chandler: Because if I go home, we're gonna become the Bings! I can't be the Bings! Ross: What's wrong with being the Bings? Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games! Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room? Chandler: No. Ross: Then you are neither of your parents! Chandler: It's not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at everybody's! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And I've met me; I am not Paul Newman. I don't race cars! I don't make popcorn! None of my proceeds go to charity. Phoebe: But look Chandler, right now no-one has a lower opinion of you than I do. But I totally believe you can do this. Chandler: I want to. I love her so much, but I'm afr...It's too huge. Ross: Y'know, okay. You're right. It is huge. So why don't we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower? Chandler: Well yeah, but then... Ross: (interrupting him) Yeah-No-but-but-but-but! We're just gonna go home and take a shower. Now, that's not scary right? Chandler: Depends on what you mean by we. [Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still trying to stall Monica.] Rachel: The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes! And that's every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again... Monica: (interrupting) The days and nights are hard! I get it! Okay? Look umm, Rachel I'm sorry! I have to start getting ready! I'm getting married today! Rachel: I know. At dusk. That's such a hard time for me. Monica: (getting up) I'm gonna go put my make-up on, we have to be at the hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.) Rachel: Okay. But wait! Monica: What?! Rachel: Let's go to lunch. Monica: I can't go to lunch!! Rachel: Right. (Monica goes into the bathroom and Rachel thinks quickly.) Rachel: Oh good God! I've fallen down! (She trips and falls.) Monica: (entering) What's going on? Rachel: Okay. Alright. (Gets up.) Honey listen. When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love you. Monica: Okay, you're-you're really freaking me out. Rachel: We can't find Chandler...(Phoebe sticks her head and motions that they found Chandler)-'s vest. We can't find Chandler's vest. Monica: How can that be?! Oh wait! Wait! Are you, are you serious?! Phoebe: (entering) Found the vest! I mean we're gonna have to keep an eye on it, y'know make sure we don't lose it again... Rachel: Oh! Monica: Oh wow! Okay. Don't scare me like that okay? I mean for a minute there I was like, "Oh my God! The worst has happened!" (Monica goes into the bathroom and Phoebe and Rachel breathe a sigh of relief.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both holding swords.] Joey: I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you! Richard: That can be arranged. (Richard thrusts, misses Joey by several feet and Joey screams in pain and drops to his knees.) The Director: Let's reset. Joey: What?! He got me! Owwwwww!!! The Director: Let's take it from there. Richard: (To Joey) Are you a little off today? It's going terribly slowly. Joey: Look, my best friends are getting married in like an hour. Okay? And I'm the minister. Please! Please! Can you pull it together? Richard: Of course! I'm-I'm sorry. I-I'd hate you to miss anything like that on account of me. I can do this! Joey: Thank you. Thank you. The Director: Still rolling, annnnd action! Joey: I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you! Richard: Now, that can be arranged! (He brings his sword back and drops it, causing it to fly over the wall.) Slippery little bugger! [Scene: The Hotel, Monica's room, Mr. and Mrs. Bing are staring at each other while Phoebe looks on.] Phoebe: So-so you two were married huh? What happened? You just drift apart? (Rachel and Mrs. Geller enter.) Mrs. Geller: Here comes the bride. (Monica enters wearing her wedding dress.) Phoebe: Oh my God Monica! Monica: I wanna wear this everyday. Rachel: You look so beautiful. Monica: (starting to cry) I'm so happy for me. (The phone rings and Rachel answers it.) Rachel: Hello? Joey: (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet? Rachel: Yeah, we got him back. Everything's fine. Joey: Damnit! Rachel: What? Why? Where are you? Joey: I'm still on the set! Rachel: Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour! Joey: I know! I'm sorry! The guy's drunk, they won't let me go until we get this. Rachel: Oh my God! I'm gonna have to find another minister. Joey: No! No, I'm the minister! Alright, look-look, put 'em both on the phone, I'll marry them right now. Rachel: Ugh! Joey, I have to go. Joey: Hey! Don't you hang up on me! I'll marry you and me right now! I have the power! (She hangs up anyway.) [Scene: Chandler's Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.] Ross: There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasn't so scary, was it? Chandler: No. Ross: I'm telling you, just a little bit at a time. Chandler: Yeah okay. Well, what's the next little bit? Ross: Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that too! Just like you've done everything else! Chandler: Yeah. You're right. Hey I-I can do that. Ross: Yeah. Chandler: Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave) Ross: Wh-Hey-Whoa-whoa, where, where you going?! Chandler: Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh air. Ross: Okay. Chandler: Okay. (Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.) Chandler: Oh fresh air! (He hears Phoebe and Rachel coming and hides in the ice machine room.) Phoebe: (To Rachel) Wait! Maybe, maybe you're overreacting! You do that y'know. Rachel: Well Phoebe, we gotta do something! (They turn the corner.) Well, y'know. I mean there's no way Joey's gonna make it in time. So I'm gonna go through the hotel and see if there's any other weddings going on. Phoebe: Okay. Oh but don't tell them Monica's pregnant because they frown on that. Rachel: Okay. Phoebe: Okay. (They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and he's so shocked that his cigarette is hanging from his lip.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Hotel, Rachel is walking through the ballroom area and comes upon the sign for the Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding.] Rachel: Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {It's a good thing Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The rabbi emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (He's wearing an interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another wedding. Can you do that? The Rabbi: I don't know. Are they Greek Orthodox? Rachel: Yeah! Yeah. They're...they're-they're my friends, uh, Monica Stephanopolus and uh, and Chandler Acidofolus. [Scene: Monica's Hotel Room, Chandler and Monica's parents and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.] Ross: Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm, anyone seen Chandler? Mr. Geller: I thought he was with you. Ross: He-he was with me umm, we're playing a little game, y'know? Hide and seek. Mr. Geller: You can't ask us son, that's cheating. Ross: (pause) You're right, thanks for keeping me honest dad. Mrs. Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress. Mrs. Bing: As I recall when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress. Mr. Bing: But that was after the wedding, it's not bad luck then. Mrs. Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck. (Monica enters.) Ross: Oh my God! Monica! Monica: I know! Hey, how's Chandler doin'? Ross: Great. He's doing great. Don't you worry about Chandler. Monica: Are you okay? Ross: Uh-huh. Monica: Well, you're-you're sweating. Ross: These-these are beads of joy. Monica: Oh that's sweet. Don't touch me. Ross: Uh Phoebe, can I see you for a second? Phoebe: Yeah! (They both go out into the hall.) Phoebe: What's going on? Ross: Chandler's gone again! Phoebe: Oh my God! Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a flight risk?! (Ross just glares at her.) [Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him go.] Joey: Aaron! You gotta let me go. The guy's hammered! The Director: I'm sorry Joey, as long as he's here and he's conscious we're still shooting. (He walks away and Joey does Ross's fist thing. He then enters Richard's dressing room, to find Richard cutting his steak with his sword.) Richard: You wouldn't happen to have a very big fork? Joey: So I uh, I just talked to the director. That's it, we're done for the day. Richard: Well have we finished the scene? Joey: Yeah! You...you were wonderful. Richard: As were you. Joey: So I got your car, it's right outside. Richard: Why? Are we done for the day? Joey: That's what you told me. Richard: Oh, thank you. You're welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the couch, and starts to lie down.) Joey: No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! (Joey picks him up in a fireman's carry and carries him out.) Here we go. Richard: Is that my ass? (He's looking at Joey's.) (And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door closes and carries it with him.) [Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.] Ross: (turning a corner) There he is!! Chandler: What? (Ross runs over and tackles him.) Phoebe: Hey! Oh! Ross: You're not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass kicking we talked about! Chandler: Ross! (He starts to get up.) Ross: Hiiii-Ya!! (Chandler lies back down.) I'm serious! You're not walking out on my sister! Chandler: (standing up) That's right! I'm not! Ross: Then where the hell have you been?! Chandler: I know about Monica. Phoebe: You know?! Ross: What? Chandler: Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking. Ross: What?! What?! Talking about what?! Chandler: You don't know? Ross: Know what-If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now... Phoebe: What? You'll hi-ya? Chandler: Monica's pregnant. Ross: Oh my God. Oh my God! And you're-you're...you're not freaking out? Chandler: Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of cigarettes... Phoebe and Ross: Cigarettes?!! Chandler: Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and that's when I uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.) Yeah, y'know what? I thought anything that can fit into this, can't be scary. Phoebe: Well you obviously didn't see Chucky 3. Chandler: But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give Monica so she'd know I was okay. Ross: Dude. (Hugs him.) (Mr. Geller turns the corner.) Mr. Geller: Way to go son! I knew you'd find him! [Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. It's time for Monica and Chandler's wedding. We've got violins playing Every Breath You Take, we've got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents on either arm.] Mr. Bing: Our little boy is getting married. Mrs. Bing: Oh look at you! So handsome! Chandler: You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) I'm so glad you're here. (He kisses his mom.) (He walks up onto the altar and notices the rabbi.) The Rabbi: Are you Chandler? Chandler: Are you Joey? (Ross walks down the aisle with Phoebe and Rachel on his arms.) Ross: Huh. This is nice. Phoebe: What? Ross: I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce. (Finally, Monica with her parents on her arms start down the aisle.) Mrs. Geller: Oh I wish your grandmother had lived to see this. Monica: She's right there. Mrs. Geller: Not that old crow, my mother. (They stop and she kisses Monica on the cheek.) Congratulations darling. Mr. Geller: I love you sweetheart. (He kisses her and they sit down.) (Chandler steps off the altar to greet his bride-to-be.) Chandler: You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.) Monica: Not now. Chandler: Okay. (They both step up onto the altar and she notices the rabbi.) Monica: (To Chandler) Who is this? The Rabbi: I am Father Kalebasous. Chandler: (in Monica's ear) He's Greek Orthodox. Rachel: (leaning in) As are you... The Rabbi: Let us begin. Dearly beloved... Joey: (entering) That's my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late. You may be confused by this now, (He's still in costume) but you won't be Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, let's get started before the groom takes off again. Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room, we shall proceed to the vows. Monica? (She turns to get her vows from Rachel.) Monica: (To Rachel) He took off? Rachel: Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.) Monica: Chandler, for so long I...I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort. And instead, I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life. And now...here we are...with our future before us...and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don't want to. You go! Joey: Chandler? (Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.) Chandler: (To Ross) No, that's okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way, it's okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I'm sure? (He leans in and kisses her.) Joey: You may not kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in me by the state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do you take each other? Chandler: I do. Monica: I do. Joey: Yeah you do! Ross: Rings? Joey: Aw crap! Okay-uh...uh let's-let's do the rings. (Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and place them on each other's fingers.) Joey: We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To Chandler) Now kiss her again. (They kiss and everyone applauds.) Chandler: (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby. Monica: What baby? Chandler: Our baby. Monica: We have a baby? Chandler: Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash. Monica: I didn't take a pregnancy test. Chandler: Then...who did? [Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.] Phoebe: Oh and they're gonna have a baby. Rachel: Uh-huh. (The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face and she slowly takes a deep breath.) [Fade to black.] Ending Credits

Joey gets a part in a movie and learns the art of enunciation (and therein spitting) from his famous co-star ( Gary Oldman ). He discovers he has work on the day he is officiating Monica and Chandler's wedding. Chandler's fear of commitment overtakes him and he runs away before the wedding. Phoebe finds a positive pregnancy test in Monica's bathroom trash, and assumes it is hers. Joey is relieved he only has to shoot one scene before he can leave for the wedding, but when his co-star turns up drunk, Joey may not make it to the ceremony. Chandler is found but, upon overhearing Phoebe and Rachel discussing Monica's assumed pregnancy, disappears again. Luckily he turns up again, accepting becoming a father. Joey arrives in time to perform the ceremony, still wearing his WWI movie costume. Monica and Chandler become husband and wife, marrying to the tune of the song " Everlong " by Foo Fighters . In the end, it is revealed (to the audience) that the pregnancy test was Rachel's.

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_07x03

fd_How_I_Met_Your_Mother_07x03_0

Marshall: Oh my God, guys, I still have a hangover. Did I really ruin a marriage? Ted: No, you did not ruin a marriage. Only reception. Robin: And Miztva Bar next door. Lily: And my dress. And your dress. You put a dress at one point. Marshall: Ok, you know what, it's good. I'll be a father, and I want to be the kind of man that my child can watch. Therefore, new resolution... I will never drunk! I'm serious! Ted (2030): Children, this is not your Uncle Marshall was a problem with the drink. But every time he was a good resolution, we knew about that... Flashback The day before, Marshall returned to the apartment, drunk. Marshall: I've done it again! Ted (2030): But I lost a bit in the story. End flashback Barney joined the others on crutches. Lily: What happened to your leg? Barney: Oh, nothing. I must have coffee with Nora. She is still angry, so I need some "sympathy points". She loves musicals, so I'll tell him that I fell off stage during a performance of "Man of La Mancha." What do you think? Ted: Lose the cast. Barney: A one-man show... I love it! Lily: Let us be clear... this woman is angry against you because you lied to him. So your solution is to claim that you broke your leg? Barney: You're right. A cervical neck brace! Thank you, Lil. I should have to talk to you soon. I trained all day with these crutches and one who has left in my hall is likely to need it. Ted: Well, I have good news. As you know, I recently decided to start out and see the girls. Flashback Ted is at the newsstand and a woman reads the magazine in which it appears. Woman: Is this you? Ted: Uh, yes. Salvation. I'm Ted. Woman: Hi. End flashback Lily: That's great, Ted. Ted: It was a completely random moment. The kind that you can create yourself... At least I thought. Flashback Ted behind her magazine down and when a woman arrives. Ted: Oh, no. How have I landed on it? Salvation. Ted Mosby. (With another woman) I plead guilty. Salvation. Ted Mosby. (And another) It's embarrassing. I will be on the cover of "An egg on my face" magazine. But I'm not. I'm on the cover of that one. Salvation. Ted Mosby. End flashback Ted: completely random 16 times in one day, and 16 of these, 10 were single. Of these 10, seven have loved what they saw. Of these seven, four were women. And these four, two have given me their real number. And I go with both. Marshall's phone rings. Marshall: Guys, this is Garrison Cootes. Ted (2030): Children, Garrison Cootes was a major partner of Honeywell & Cootes. One of the largest environmental law firms in the United States.Marshall would have given anything to work there. Marshall: If I did not work, I could finish... in kind, a Taco Belle somewhere. And nobody wants that. Unless you want to do this, like this you would have free tacos, since you are my friends. But now I need you all calmiez! (He finally won) Hello. Garrison: Marshall, it's Garrison Cootes. Sorry for not having reminded you earlier but I was stuck. What's funny, because I'm literally stuck in a swamp. Well, anyway, here I am trying to collect some samples for this trial on the pollution that we are working. Marshall: I love the work you do. Garrison: It's a... Marshall: No, I mean it. Garrison: No, no, there is a crocodile a few meters from me. So I'll just ignore the warm urine running down my leg right now, and tell you that we are very interested in your case. Marshall: He's interested! Garrison: Obviously, we need to do some sort of verification purpose, you see, an investigation of crime and a Google search, but if nothing seems wrong to us, it takes you. Marshall: It's fantastic, Mr Cootes! Garrison: Well, I'm going. It's very funny because in fact I really have run away. Marshall: The crocodile you saw? Garrison: He is coming, yes. GENERIC Ted (2030): The next night, Barney and Nora saw each other for a coffee.Fortunately, without the neck brace ridiculous. Barney: Hi Nora, thank you for coming. Nora: What happened to your neck? Barney: My naked...? Oh, that's nothing. I was playing in a One Man Show at Fiddler. There was this scene... Nora: Wow, this one has a beautiful chest. Barney, turning: What? Where? Oh, and sh1t. Nora: Breasts... Barney: Wait, Nora, waiting... No, please. I'm sorry. Nora: What is wrong with you? What kind of people need to lie like that? Barney: Someone who likes you, really. And suspicious, and probably accurately you do it over more later, and therefore he feels the need... I'm sorry, you spoke of this fantastic pair of tits, right? Because I seek, and I do not see them. Ted returned to his apartment. Ted: I just had two rencards following. With two adorable girls, four cappuccinos and wait... (2 minutes later...) I do not know which was the best. Here are the girls: Jessica is a student in Rhode Island, she traveled around the world, speaks four languages and plays the piano. Claire and fought for the bill. So I do not know. It is torture. You see, the two girls have the potential to be really special. They both deserve a second round. Lily: Wait a minute. You're going to handle two girls at once? You do not think you should pick one before it gets too serious? Ted: Define "serious". Lily: Well, it's complicated. I think it would be when you have expectations, emotional involvement... Marshall: Third base. Seriously, third base. Ted: So I can go to the second two with no problem? Marshall: Treat yourself my friend. Treat yourself. Oh no. Ted (2030): Since Mr. Cootes had mentioned the investigation, Marshall ran through internet. The majority of what he found was touching, seeing truly extraordinary, until... Marshall: Poor. This is very bad. Girl: Thank you, Stacy. Wesleyan has a cafeteria. Thank you to the generous donation of... Marshall arrives on camera, naked. Marshall: Oh! Oh! Someone there mentioned generous donation? I'm Marshall Eriksen. But you can call me Biercules! Lily: Well, it could be anyone. And thin, I had forgotten this story Biercules.Who made this site first? Marshall: Pete Durkenson. Ted: Of course. Robin: This is the guy who convinced you to run around campus naked? Marshall: I wanted to join a club that I left three days later, because the clubs are stupid and elitist. And I also discovered that it was not a club. Ted: Oh my God. This is huge! I am invited to the Ball of Architects, the annual gala honoring the greatest architects of the city. Oh no. You guys see the problem? Robin: This is an annual gala that honors the greatest architects of the city? Ted: Robin, this is the biggest celebrity event of the year. In taking a girl at the ball, man, you reached third base. Whatever the girl I invite, it will be the steady girlfriend of Ted Mosby by the end of the evening. Ok, we stop to sit between two chairs. Robin, bring me my notebook. It's time to make lists of pros and cons. Ted (2030): And the children they loved. Nora: Let me clarify something for you. I do not date guys who lie to me. Barney: Okay, I did not know. Mea culpa. So, from now, more lies. I never lie to you. I'm serious. Ask me anything. Nora: OK Have you ever managed to get in bed with a woman that you lied? Barney: Have I ever... If I'm totally honest... Yes. Nora: More than once? Barney: More than once... Wow, this is... I guess if we... so, technically, there were a number of times I've lied to a woman to sleep with her. Nora: They were worth what? Barney: Nine or ten for most. There has been a 4 once. It was an easy girl.But, Nora, after that, I had to flee so fast. Honesty is good. Nora: What was the lie? Barney: You want me to tell all the lies I have told to put a woman in my bed? Nora: A bed or any other place where you're sent into the air. Barney: You are good. Marshall goes to meet Pete. Marshall: Pete, Pete. Hey! Pete: Biercules! Come here, man. Marshall: Hey, I tried to call you all night. Pete: My God, sorry. I should have responded but it was Thursday night. Marshall: It is Sunday. Pete: And you know what that means. "Edward bottles with money"! Ted (2030): Children, Edward bottles for money is a game that involves taping two bottles of liquor at the base of the hands. The goal is to finish the two bottles. Oh my God, why am I telling you this? Good move. Marshall: Ok, you know this old video of me? Pete: I watch it every day. Marshall: You have to take away the internet. Genre immediately. Pete: There are two ways for me to do it: Either you give me $ 4 million, or help me to go to the bathroom because I can not... Marshall: Yes, both are non-negotiable refusal. Pete: So, I'm sorry we could not handle together. But if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of the game "to Edward bottles of money," and the competition is raised. Marshall: Who are you playing anyway? Pete: Just myself. Ted (2030): Meanwhile, Barney continued to list every lie he used to sleep. Barney: I do not have time to explain how I got there. I just need someone to suck the poison. The surgeon gave me a new face, darling. You realize that I am alive? My name is David Beckham. If I castais only the white swan, is the role for you. No, I am a lesbian. What I wear is just very realistic. Nora: Ok, let's move. What was the worst? The best of the worst? The cream of the crop? Barney: Oh, once I am the soul man. There was this pretty girl who only go out with black. Woman: Barney! Oh no, I knew it. [SCENE_BREAK] Ted, Lily and Robin are in the apartment. Ted: I can not choose. They are both extraordinary. Robin: If architects had only two bullets, eh Ted? Lily: I knew it. Ted, left or right? Ted: Yes, yes, good idea. Let fate decide? I will choose the left. Lily, slapping him: Just called one of the two. Robin: Ted, to your heart, you know that you love one more than the other.Believe me, takes the other. Ted: Uh, I have perhaps not been clear is the... Robin Ball Architects.This event is a very hip. Robin: Ok, name one celebrity who will be there. Ted: Lenny Kravitz. Robin: Lenny Kravitz will be there? Ted: Yes. He is there every year. And it's a rock star. Robin: You know, Ted, in hindsight, it is too early to choose between these two girls. Takes a friend. Like, I dunno, maybe a friend who has a poster of Lenny Kravitz on his wall, and may or may not have dated this post and transported from his high school... Ted: This list of pros and cons leads to nothing. I need a color scale. Lily and Robin: Scale of colors! Ted (2030): And the children, we really sang. Marshall: Pete, please. I am unemployed. I have a huge mortgage. A baby arriving. And I'm about to lose a job that I really need because of a drunken video of 15 years ago. Pete: Ugh, you mean? Biercules, what's going on? Looks like you're another person. The guy in this video was cool. It had potential. It could have been president of a club one day. Marshall: There is no club. Pete: There he is just a troublemaker. Marshall: It's not that I want to be a troublemaker. Fair, I must be one. I'll be a dad. You have children one day, you will understand. Pete: Dude, I have 4 children. Marshall: Pete, please, remove the video. Pete: Ok, Biercules, I will remove it. If... you can beat me to the game of my choice. Marshall: Oh no. Pete: And I choose the beautiful game, the sweet science... Marshall: Pete, please, I'm tired... Pete: The sport of kings... Marshall: I do not want to play Edward bottles money. Pete: I was going to the darts, but it's Edward bottles to money! Barney: And that made all the lies related to space. Let the world of sports. Oh wait, I forgot for a space: "I was bitten by a snake space. You have to suck all the poison around my... " Nora: Okay, Barney, I have things to work tomorrow at 8 am which means I have just enough time to spend 11h in my shower to wash away all that. Barney: So that was cool. I can remember, or...? Nora: Barney, you're funny, beautiful, and really nice. But you are also a sociopath. Barney: Well, I count three for and one against. Nora: How can you still believe you have a chance with me? Barney: Because you are sat here all night. You could leave, but you did not. Listen, Nora, these lies, it was the old me. But I swear I try to change.You... make me want to change. Nora: How I know this is not a lie? Barney: I will prove it. I'll show you how much I'm serious. I will not leave this restaurant as I have not got a second date with you. Nora: Goodbye Barney. Barney: I do not laugh. It is a restaurant 24h/24. I will stay forever if necessary. And I will. Just water for me please. Ted shows the color scale to Lily and Robin. Ted: Ok, so the red bar indicates the level of attractiveness, blue, intellectual stimulation, green, emotional connection, yellow, compatibility aspirations of life, and purple, so she tried to pay or not. Lily: Well, it looks like Jessica wins in the first four categories. Ted: Do not fight in... Robin leaves his room in evening dress. Robin: Oh, that? It's nothing. It cost me three months' rent, and uh, I have never worn because I bought it for a big party to which you would have asked what did not happen. But, you know what? Do not feel guilty. Ted: What big event? Robin: This thing with your uncle. Ted: His funeral? It fell into the water, he emerged miraculously from his coma. Robin: And I forgive you. Now I can have my place and meet Lenny Kravitz? Marshall returned to the apartment, drunk. Marshall: I've done it again! Lily: Oh, dear. You're still drunk. I can not believe that I made the bet. Marshall: Just to be clear, "I've done it again!"... Am not referring to my current state of inebriation. Lily: What does it therefore reference? Video shows Marshall, nude with two bottles taped hands. Marshall: My name is Marshall Eriksen. I'm 33 and if my potential future employer, Garrison Cootes, look at this... Prostrate to Biercules! Lily: Well... it could be anyone... The phone rings but Pete it in the hands taped to the bottles. Pete: Oh, God... Lily is on the phone. Lily: Pete, it's Lily Aldrin. I'll be brief. You're going out this video of Marshall. You know why? Because I am friends with three girls with whom you came to school, and girls say it all together. Every small detail.Huh. So... tick, tick... Pete so goes the clock in the little dick. Ted: Pete has a small dick? Lily: I have no idea. Well, what do you take? Marshall: It had to happen eventually. I tried so hard to suppress my... "side-idiot-who-is-not-care-for nothing" he rebelled and has struggled! Robin: It's for sure! Marshall's voice: Look at me! I am a windmill! Marshall: Who do I crazy? I'm not ready to be a father. I thought I was, but it's like... My father never did such things, you know? Lily: But if he did, you would love all the same. And to be honest, you do not love to come across a video of him running down the street naked shouting, "Hey, Marshall, look at me! I have a stalactite on the head! " Barney rises behind Marshall and Lily. Barney: Oh! Hi guys! Oh! My neck! Uh... oh! Hey! Look at this! Robin: Barney, what are you doing here? Barney: Oh, I told Nora that I would not leave until I have no second appointment, and I intend to do. I am here since 9 o'clock. I still need another minute. Say I'm crazy, but I'll stay here as long as it will not be returned. Ted: That's what I want. Barney's feelings for Nora, I want to feel again. I do not want to choose between two girls. I want to be completely baba one of the two. Lily: Yes, the stupid thing that makes us turn the head, pretty cool. Marshall: It's not bad. Also, for posterity, a statement drunk guy! I would not drink again. Ted (2030): And of course... Flashback Barney and Marshall are at the casino. Marshall: Carpet Biercules! Yeah! Ted (2030): But again, I digress. End flashback The next day the phone rings Marshall. Marshall: Hello? Garrison: Marshall! Garrison Cootes. Marshall: Yes, Mr Cootes. How are you? Garrison: I wanted you to know we had conducted our inquiries, and there is something annoying. Marshall: Sir, the fact is that... Garrison: The rainbow in this sample is definitely related to chemical plants. Ok, I... Skip a line... We love you! It takes you. Marshall: It's fantastic. Thank you, Mr Cootes. Garrison: Well, nothing. Oh, and when you're in the office, try to wear something Biercules. Ok? Wow, that was a big snake. Marshall: Oh, there was a snake in the swamp? Garrison: No, I was talking about your pen1s. See you tomorrow. Marshall: I got the job. Lily: Yes! Marshall: And I think my boss is already sexually harassing me. But he saw the video and he does not care! Lily: Saw what? Maybe the video is not so bad after all. Marshall's phone rings again. Marshall: Yes. Hello? Pete: Hey Marshall, I'm Pete Durkenson. We all went to Wesleyan. Marshall: Yes, no, I know. Pete, we drank together yesterday. Pete: Absolutely, now, the message from Lily makes sense. Listen, do not worry Bro ', I remove the video. Marshall: You know what? Let her. Pete: As you wish, Biercules. (He hangs up and is in an operating room with a man on the table) Scalpel. Marshall: You know what? That's good. I want my children to see every part of me. Lily: Yes. Even the side where you route the East Village naked. Marshall: I will remember Pete. Lily: It's a good idea. Ted (2030): That night, I brought Robin Bal. Robin: Thanks for taking me. Ted: The pleasure is mine. And you know, you might find it interesting.Some of these guys represent the history of New York. Robin: Yes, yes. Where is Lenny Kravitz? Ted: Right there. Leonard Kravitz, world-renowned architect. This guy is a star. He will make his famous reading of 90 minutes on the beams. Robin: Well, great. I'll go find one myself and hang myself. Ted: Ok Ted (2030): Children, you can not control when falling in love. It does not take days to think about. When this happens, you know quickly and with absolute certainty. I had forgotten. But reminded myself it was going.

Ted runs into his old girlfriend, Victoria, and tries to make amends with her since he cheated during their relationship. She reveals she's engaged to a man she met in Germany. Marshall and Lily make a bet with Barney that could force him to wear Marshall's ducky tie.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_06x10

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_06x10_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Elena: What about Bonnie? Damon: She sacrificed herself so I could come back. Elena: She's all alone I'm sorry I compelled away the memories. Damon: We'll make new ones. Caroline: I hate you for ruining our friendship, and I think that I deserve better than that. Matt: Enzo, let her go, or I swear... Matt: No! Matt: How do you feel about being a hunter again? Jeremy: Why? Matt: Because I want you to help me kill Enzo. Damon: Get the ascendant from Jo. Alaric: I understand. Jo: Damon is a vampire. Alaric: Are you saying Damon compelled me? He wouldn't do that. He's my friend. Alaric: Jo drove me across the border. Damon: Look, Ric. Luke: My coven put Kai in a prison world. Elena: Kai? Jo: As in our brother, my twin. Jo: In our coven's tradition, the twins merge their strength. The stronger one wins, absorbing their twin's power. The weaker one dies. Tyler: I'm not gonna let you die. Tyler: Kai is here. Kai: I guess this is that, uh, antimagic border, which means now there's a psycho loose in Mystic Falls and no vampires around to stop him. Tyler: What the hell do you want? Kai: Feel like making a deal with the devil? [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ] ( Jo is at the hospital and it's pretty busy. She calls Ric ) Jo: How much are you gonna want to kill me if I need to rain check tonight? Alaric: What happened? Jo: I have a possible 480 hit-and-run on campus, one DOA, 4 reds en route. Alaric: Have your previous boyfriends understood this language you speak? Jo: I'm gonna miss dinner. So you're my boyfriend now? ( beat ) There's no hospital code for awkward silence. ( They laugh ) Jo: Give me two hours. Save me dinner. ( Jo hangs up and gets back to work ) Woman: Doctor, we have a young female with abdominal wounds. Jo: Put her in T3. I need 10 milligrams of morphine. Mine's conscious. Other Doctor: See a lot of blood, no broken bones. Making any sense to you? Jo: No, it's not. What happened to you? Were you hit by a car? Female victim: I can't breathe. ( The other doctor by the next bed collapses ) Jo: It's ok. You can tell me what really happened. Sweetheart? Look at me. ( Kai gets up from another bed, covered in blood but apparently unharmed. The girl sees him and her pulse skyrockets as she hyperventilates ) Jo: What happened to you? ( Kai walks up behind Jo and restrains her ) Kai: I stabbed her. ( Kai injects Jo with a sedative. The female patient screams ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS, 2007 ] ( The town is gathered for Christmas festivities. Elena is putting marshmallows in her hot chocolate when a snowball hits her ) Elena: Unh! ( She turns around and sees Bonnie ) Bonnie: Sorry. Had to. Elena: You know you just declared war, right? Bonnie: Come on. Caroline's over there. ( They walk together, laughing ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS - PRISON WORLD ] ( Bonnie drags a tree toward the high school Bonnie: Come on. [i]( The eclipse starts and Bonnie looks up at it ) Bonnie: Heh. Nope. I'm not noticing you. Today's not may 10, 1994. Today's the tree decorating ceremony, and you are not telling me otherwise. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE COLLEGE ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Caroline talks to her mom on the phone while walking to her dorm room ) Caroline: I just figured that we were skipping Christmas this year, you know, considering the part where I die if I cross the border into my hometown. Liz: What happened to Christmas being your favorite time of the year? Caroline: Was my favorite time of year when I could actually live in my own house and help decorate the town tree and drink hot cocoa with my friends. ( Caroline arrives at her room and finds her mom inside, surrounded by boxes of Christmas decorations ) Caroline: What are you doing? You're supposed to be at the Mystic Falls tree decorating ceremony. Liz: I'm playing hooky this year. I figure just because you can't come home for the holidays doesn't mean the holidays can't come to you. Caroline: You even brought our favorite ornaments. Mom! ( Stefan arrives with two boxes of Christmas lights ) Stefan: Hey. I, uh, didn't know which ones to get, so I got both. Caroline: What are you doing here? Stefan: Your mom needed Christmas lights. ( Caroline turns her ire on her mom ) Liz: You have a huge dorm, and I thought we could use an extra set of hands. ( Caroline glares at her mom, who glares right back. Caroline turns back to Stefan, who holds up both boxes ) Caroline: The little ones, obviously. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITEMORE BAR ] ( Elena and Damon sit at a table, which is covered with old books. Damon rests his head on one of the open books. Elena looks at him, smiling, and Damon cracks an eye open ) Damon: Are you watching me sleep? Elena: No. I'm watching you drool all over Ric's textbooks, and considering you're already on his bad side... Damon: I don't drool. ( Damon lifts his head up, looks at the book, and wipes his chin ) Damon: Hmm. Ohh. What time is it? Elena: Time for Ric to get a new reference library. We've been looking all night. I swear I haven't found anything that even remotely resembles an Ascendant. Damon: Well, we haven't looked hard enough. Let's get to it. ( Elena stares at Damon ) Damon: Find anything yet? Elena: Nope. Damon: Still staring. Elena: It's just... Everything you've been doing for Bonnie. Thank you. Damon: She'd do it for us. ( Elena's phone vibrates and she answers the call ) Elena: Hello, Ric. Alaric: Have you seen Jo? Elena: No, not since yesterday. ( Alaric sighs ) Damon: Why? [SCENE_BREAK] [ ALARIC'S PLACE ] Elena: So I asked around the hospital. No one's seen Jo since last night at the ER. A bunch of stab victims came in, and one of them's missing, as well. Alaric: It was Kai. Jo knew he'd come after her, and he did. Damon: Not to give you boyfriend lessons or anything, but if you knew Jo's whackjob brother was out on the loose and after her, don't you think that keeping an eye on her would have been a smart move? Alaric: And what would you have had me do, Damon, ask you to compel Jo to stay put? ( Damon nods ) Elena: Guys, if Kai has Jo, we need a plan. Damon: Plan's easy. Find Kai, fftt, kill Kai. Mmhmm. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LOCKWOOD MANSION ] Tyler: Bottom line, we need to keep Kai alive. Luke: You think I'm gonna protect the guy who chased us around the house with a baseball bat when we were 4? Liv: Luke's right, Tyler. You're on some serious crack. Tyler: Right now, you two are stuck doing the twinmerge for your coven, ok? That means one lives, one dies, but if we help Kai and he finds a way to merge with Jo, it's not your problem anymore. Luke: Until Kai becomes the most powerful witch in our coven and goes on a killing spree. Something tells me that's gonna become our problem. Liv: What does he want us to do exactly? [SCENE_BREAK] [ ALARIC'S PLACE ] ( Damon is on the phone with Matt ) Damon: Just think sociopathic Ryan Reynolds. Matt: Haven't seen him. Damon: Grunge vibe, annoying as hell. Matt: Still no idea. Damon: Well, if he has half a brain, he will be hiding where vampires can't find him. So in between levels of Mario Kart, can you and little baby Gilbert maybe keep an eye out? Matt: Yeah, got it. If we see him, we'll let you know. ( They hang up. Jeremy joins Matt in the room where Tripp tortured Enzo ) Jeremy: Who was that? Matt: It was Damon. Apparently, there's a psychopath roaming Mystic Falls. Jeremy: You tell him we're busy hunting down a psychopath roaming outside Mystic Falls? Matt: Must have forgot to mention it. Look. You better get out of here. Enzo's gonna be here soon. Jeremy: Let's kill a vampire. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ALARIC'S PLACE ] Damon: Well, Bevis and Butthead are on the lookout. Anyone else brimming with confidence? Alaric: I mean, this just doesn't make sense. Damon: What could possibly not make sense about magical twins absorbing into one another? Alaric: Listen. Jo needs her magic for the merge to work, ok, and she got rid of that back in 1994. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LOCKWOOD MANSION ] Tyler: Kai said Jo hid her magic in a knife somewhere. Liv: It's probably back in Portland, where she got rid of it in 1994. Tyler: He checked. The knife's not there. He thinks someone took it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ALARIC'S PLACE ] Damon: Jo doesn't have magic because it's stuffed in a knife that was stolen and hidden by yours truly. Kai won't find it. Alaric: Yeah, unless Kai does a locator spell. Damon: It's impossible. Alaric: Why? Elena: Kai was born without the ability to do magic. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LOCKWOOD MANSION ] Liv: Let me guess. Kai wants us to do a locator spell on the knife. Tyler: If we find it, Jo can get her magic back, Kai can merge with her, and you and Luke live. Luke: This is ridiculous. This is our job. Merging is our duty to the coven. It's why we were born. Liv: No. We were born because our coven decided that Jo wasn't strong enough to beat Kai. Why should we have to die because our sister's too weak to defeat our psychopath of a brother? Luke: You know, a month ago, the thought of bowing out never even occurred to you. Liv: That's because Kai wasn't here a month ago, but he's here now. Luke, we don't have to do this. We have a chance to live out normal, human lives. We could actually be happy. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ALARIC'S PLACE ] Alaric: If the only way to restore Jo's magic is to reunite her with that knife, Kai's gonna come for it. Elena: Ric's right. Even if Kai can't do the locator spell, he's gonna make it his mission to find it. Damon: Kai finds it. Great. Love it. Elena: Why aren't you more concerned? Damon: Because if Kai goes for the knife, I will kill him because the knife is right here where I hid it. Tada! ( Damon takes down a picture frame from the wall and open the back. There's nothing there ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ] ( Inside a mausoleum, Kai holds the knife that contains Jo's magic ) Kai: I know I tried to kill you when you were toddlers, but I got to say, it sure is nice to be around family for the holidays. ( Liv and Luke glance uneasily at Jo, who is tied up and unconscious on the ground ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS - PRISON WORLD ] ( Bonnie hangs popcorn garland on her tree ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS, 2007 ] ( Caroline joins her mom ) Caroline: Dad's not here yet. Liz: Oh, yeah. You know what? He's not gonna make it. You remember his friend Steven? He needed help moving a couch or something, so he's gonna miss out. Caroline: But it's an undeclared law that the sheriff and her husband put the star on the tree! Liz: Then we will just have to let the Lockwoods have the honors this year. Caroline: Is something going on between you two? Liz: It'll be fine, I promise. Caroline: Mom, I'm a freshman in High School, ok? I can handle adult conversations. Liz: No worrying during the holidays, ok? And that tree is not gonna decorate itself. Go. ( Caroline smiles and leaves. Elena and Bonnie are threading popcorn to make garlands ) Elena: Well, maybe you'll meet a cute surfer. Bonnie: Doubtful. My dad's conference is two hours away from any beach. Caroline: Ahh! Cute surfer? Where? Elena: Nowhere. Bonnie's dad is dragging her on a work trip, so I'm gonna ask my parents if she can spend the holiday with us. Bonnie: Are you serious? Elena: Yeah. The 3 of us have never spent Christmas apart. I plan on keeping it that way, even though Jeremy will hate it. It's always fun to torture him. Bonnie: Oh! I love you. Almost as much as I love torturing Jeremy. Caroline: Ok, great! Now that Christmas is saved, let's get these garlands on the tree before they end up on your hips. ( Caroline leaves. Bonnie and Elena look at each other and eat some more popcorn, smiling ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CAROLINE AND ELENA'S DORM ROOM ] ( Caroline is hanging the lights up and Stefan joins her to help ) Stefan: Here. I got it. Caroline: What are you doing here? Stefan: Well, your mom asked for my help. Caroline: No, Stefan. What are you doing here? Because if you think hanging a few stands of light is gonna make me forget what a crappy friend you've been, then you thought wrong. Stefan: Caroline, I'm trying, ok? Caroline: You're trying? No. This is the easy part, ok? We're hanging Christmas lights. Anyone can be friends when you're hanging Christmas lights. ( Liz returns carrying a tray with cups ) Liz: Who wants hot chocolate? Stefan: I was just leaving. ( Stefan leaves. Liz frowns at Caroline, who goes back to the lights. Suddenly Liz looks faint and drops the tray. She braces herself against a chair ) Caroline: Mom?! Liz: Oh, wow. I just got really... ( Stefan vamps back into the room and catches Liz as she collapses. Caroline rushes over ) Caroline: Mom! You ok? ( Her mom nods, but still looks a little out of it ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ] ( Kai drags a stick in the dirt ) Liv: What the hell is he doing? Luke: Probably playing tictactoe with himself like a crazy person. Kai: This is the antimagic border. Jo can get her magic back over there while over here... ( Suddenly Jo's voice is heard from a distance ) Jo: Hey. What did you do to me? Kai: Sissy's up. ( Liv and Luke follow Kai back into the mausoleum where Jo is, rattling the chains around her wrists ) Jo: What the hell did you do to me? Kai: I haven't seen you in 18 years. You can't muster a hello? Jo: What did you guys do? Liv: What you should have done 18 years ago. Jo: It's not gonna work Kai. I don't have my... Kai: Magic. Yeah. Yeah. I recall. You stored it in this. ( Kai stabs Jo in the arm with the knife, and she cries out ) Luke: What the hell? Kai: I'm trying to reunite Jo with her... ( He stabs her again ) Kai: Magic. It's not working. Luke: Enough, enough, man. ( Kai shoves Luke against a wall and poises the knife over his throat ) Kai: I was wanting to kill you when your brain was the size of an acorn. You don't think I'll do it now? ( Kai lets up ) Luke: Whatever. I'm not watching this. ( Luke leaves and Kai laughs ) Kai: Oh, so dramatic. All right. Sissy... Let's try this again. Jo: Stop. I put my magic in there by choice. Taking it back is also my choice unless I bleed to death, which will happen in the next 30 minutes. Heh. Wouldn't it be ironic if you accidentally killed me before the merge ceremony? ( Kai appears to consider this then makes a decision ) Kai: I'm going to find a bandage while you figure out how to put the magic in this knife into our sister. ( Kai hands the knife to Liv ) Kai: Preferably by the time I get back so I don't have to dull it by slitting your throat. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ] ( Elena joins Caroline at the hospital outside of Liz' room ) Elena: Hey! Caroline: Hey. Elena: What happened? Caroline: I don't know. She just collapsed. One second, we're decorating, and then the next, she's just on the ground. Maybe she forgot to eat. You know, sometimes, she skips breakfast. Elena: And when was the last time you ate, Caroline, as in fed? Caroline: Oh, God. Now you sound like Stefan. He just went to go find something to take the edge off. Caroline: They have her sedated. She's going to be asleep for a while. Can you just come and distract me? ( Elena sits next to Caroline on a bench in the hallway ) Caroline: How's the search for the new Ascendant thingy? Elena: Not good. Damon and I spent the night researching. Caroline: God. Poor Bonnie. Do you think she knows it's Christmas? You know she never liked being away from us at Christmas. Elena: I don't know. It's probably better that she doesn't know, though. Caroline: So are you and Damon... Elena: I know what you're thinking, and no. Caroline: Actually, I was going to say that I think it's great how he's always been there for you when it mattered, you know, through thick and thin, good times and bad times. Maybe I haven't given him enough credit. Elena: You're clearly malnourished. ( They laugh ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LOCKWOOD MANSION / WHITMORE DORMITORY ] ( Tyler talks to Damon on the phone ) Damon: Bet you think you're pretty clever, don't you? Tyler: Is this Damon? Why don't I have your number saved? Damon: Well, you weren't in your dorm room, and your pouty little goth friend wasn't in hers. Tyler: It's creepy you know where Liv's dorm room is. Damon: Let me guess. You 3 idiots figured that Kai merging with Jo benefits you and Liv. Now I'm not sure exactly how Luke fits into that yet, but I'll use my imagination. Tyler: I'm trying to keep my girlfriend alive. Sound familiar? ( Tyler hangs up. At the dorm, Luke is walking down the hall and he spots Damon, who grins. Luke starts to walk the other way but Damon vamps over to block him ) Damon: We both knew that wasn't gonna work. Where's Jo? Luke: I'm not telling you, and before you threaten to rip my head off, remember, all that does is guarantee Kai having to merge with Jo. Damon: Is that what you people think of me, that I just instantly resort to violence? I just have a question. I mean, look. I get why you don't want to merge with Liv, ok, because no one wants to see that face with her hair. I get it, but what makes you think Kai merging with Jo is any smarter? I mean, I heard he killed 4 of your siblings, and that was without magic. Eh, it'll be fine. I'm sure when Kai gets all that power he's just gonna mellow right on out. Heh. ( Damon turns and starts walking ) Luke: Stop. [SCENE_BREAK] [ SMALL WAREHOUSE ] ( Enzo enters, joining Matt ) Enzo: And here I thought we were meeting for tea and crumpets. Matt: I'm giving you information about a girl who's supposed to be Stefan's long lost niece. I'm not exactly interested in him finding out. Enzo: And why are you helping me? I thought you unfriended me when I killed that little con artist. Matt: Monique. Her name was Monique. Enzo: Eh, two names actually... First Sarah, then Monique, probably others. I asked you why you're helping me. Matt: She knew something that Stefan didn't want her to know, and for some screwed up reason, you're obsessed with knowing Stefan's secrets. Probably because he has everything you'll never have. Enzo: Answer the bloody question. Why are you helping me? Matt: Because I want this obsession to take you the hell away from here. This is all the information Monique told me about her past. Take it and get out. ( Matt hands Enzo a thick dossier. Enzo opens it and it's full of blank pages. Enzo laughs grimly, then turns around with vamp speed in time to catch an arrow Jeremy just fired at him ) Enzo: Think I didn't plan for that? ( While Enzo faces Jeremy, Matt stabs him in the neck. Enzo rounds back on Matt, pushing him against the wall. Jeremy shoots Enzo in the back with a wooden stake. Matt punches Enzo out, and Enzo falls to the ground ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ] ( Elena joins Stefan, who is observing the doctors through the window ) Elena: Caroline could really use whatever's in that cup. ( There are a lot of doctors in Liz room ) Elena: Is it just me, or does that look really bad for somebody who just fainted? Stefan: That doctor just came over from radiology. I overheard her say "glioblastoma." Elena: Glioblastoma? No, but that... no. No, no. Stefan: We brought her in a couple of weeks ago after Tripp's guys grabbed here. Doctors ran some tests, and apparently they found something suspicious. Elena: No, but that doesn't make sense, Stefan. Caroline would have said something. Stefan: Or maybe her mom hasn't told her yet. ( Elena vamps over to a doctor that just came out of the sheriff's room ) Elena: ( compelling ) What's going on with Liz Forbes? Doctor: Her recent MRI showed a lesion on her brainstem. We think it's metastasized to her spine. Elena: C-can you operate? Doctor: If the tumor's already spread, it would be impossible. Elena: But that would mean... Does she know? Doctor: For a few weeks now, but news like this takes time to digest. ( The doctor leaves. Elena looks over at Stefan, speechless ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ SMALL WAREHOUSE ] ( Matt and Jeremy drag Enzo across the room ) Jeremy: Ugh. Wouldn't it be a billion times easier just to stake him in the heart? Matt: Yeah, but he wouldn't suffer. Get the door. Jeremy: Wait. This isn't about making him suffer. It's about making sure he doesn't kill anyone else. Matt: He just killed an innocent girl, Jer. He deserves to suffer. Jeremy: Dude, you sound like Tripp. Matt: You mean the guy whose neck Enzo slit open for trying to protect innocent people? Jeremy: I'm just saying you're being a little intense. Matt: Maybe that's the problem, Jer. We've all been looking the other way because we're friends with vampires, but how many people need to die for us to face the fact that vampires also kill people? Jeremy: So what, you'd do the same thing to Stefan? What about Elena or Caroline? Matt: Just help me get him to the van. Jeremy: Look. I know how you feel. I was supernaturally programmed to take out my sister, remember, but this whole us versus them thing is gonna drive you crazy, and it's gonna get you killed. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ] ( Liv puts a hand over Jo's wound ) Jo: Hey. It will be ok. Just needed to get rid of Kai so you could free me. Liv: Look, Jo. You can't run away from this anymore. You've had 18 years of freedom. Now take your magic back and do this. You owe it to the coven. Jo: Is that what you think, that I've been shirking my responsibility to our family? Liv: Luke's all I've got. If we merge and he dies... I may as well be dead, too. Jo: If Kai merges with me, he'll be more powerful than any of us. Liv: Did it ever occur to you that maybe you're strong enough to beat him? You were 22 the last time you went up against him. Since then, you've been a combat medic, you've saved hundreds of lives, and your hospital worships you. Jo: Someone's done her research. Liv: You're my sister, and I'm yours. Look how far you've come without magic. You didn't get here listening to people tell you you weren't strong enough. ( Liv starts to hand the knife back to Jo, but Kai grabs her from behind and takes some magic ) Jo: Liv! Kai: Can't say I didn't warn her. ( Liv falls to the ground ) Kai: Phesmatos superous em animi... ( Liv grabs her head in pain, her nose bleeding ) Jo: Kai, stop! Kai: Isn't it gonna be funny when I kill her using her own magic? Wait. Is that funny or sad? I get my emotions mixed up. Hey. What's the one for fire again? It's "incendia," right? Phesmatos... Jo: Kai, enough! ( Jo picks up the knife and starts taking her magic back ) Jo: Lectos espiritox. ( Outside, Alaric and Damon arrive ) Damon: That's it? We're gonna kill bad guys together, and you're not gonna talk to me? Alaric: Look. You blew up your car, you needed a ride. Doesn't mean we have to talk. Damon: All right. Look. I agree that maybe compelling you to betray your lady friend was an irrational decision stemming from untreated control issues. ( Alaric stops and looks at Damon, scoffs, then continues walking ) Damon: What? ( Alaric ignores Damon, so Damon vamps over in front of Alaric ) Damon: I'm sorry, Ric. Alaric: Is that it? Damon: Yeah. Alaric: Great. Let's finish this. ( Back at the mausoleum, Jo finishes taking her magic back. Kai crouches down in front of her and puts his hands on her face, feeling the magic ) Kai: There it is. Oh, so predictable. I threaten Liv, you do anything it takes to save Liv. Jo: Fractos. ( Jo breaks off the chains on her wrists. Outside, someone whistles. Kai goes outside and after a few seconds, Damon vamps at him and shoves him ) Damon: Cemetery, really? Kai: Motus. ( Damon stumbles backward over the anti-magic border and starts to burn in the sunlight until he steps back over it ) Kai: Oh, whoops. Looks like you found the anti-magic border. Drew a line in the dirt for everyone's convenience. See? Yeah. You're welcome. ( Kai is standing on the other side of the border when Alaric comes up behind him, grabs him and puts a gun to Kai's head ) Damon: Thank you. Kill him. Jo: Alaric, don't! Alaric: What are you talking about? Damon: She's lightheaded and confused. I'll give her some of my blood, ok? Kill him. Jo: No, you can't. If Kai dies, Liv and Luke have to do the merge. It's not fair to them. Damon: Who cares? Kill him. Jo: Ric, don't. I can win. I can beat Kai. I just need a little time to get stronger. Damon: We're moved truly. ( to Ric ) Kill him now. Jo: I'll figure out a way to win. Please you have to trust me. Keep him alive. Damon: Ric. ( Alaric knocks Kai out with the butt of his gun ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LOCKWOOD MANSION ] ( Luke packs a bag when Tyler approaches him ) Tyler: Why the hell did you tell Damon where they were? Luke: Because I realized listening to you two was a huge mistake. Kai's a monster. Tyler: So you'll just risk your sister's life? How the hell does that make sense? Hey! I'm talking to you. ( Tyler starts to grab Luke's arm when Liv comes in the front door ) Liv: Everyone, chill! Jo thinks she can beat Kai. Luke: You and I both know that's crap. Kai's a million times stronger. She'll die, and the first thing Kai's gonna do is kill everyone in our coven as punishment for putting him away, and then he'll turn on innocent people because he's crazy and bored and homicidal. Liv: Fine. Then I'm selfish, Luke, but I'd rather be alive and selfish than this dead martyr who served her purpose to her coven. Luke: People are gonna die, and it's gonna be our fault. Remember that. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ] ( Stefan is sitting on a bench in the hallway at the hospital. Elena joins him ) Elena: Are you ok? Stefan: There's a 22-year-old sociopathic witch running around Mystic Falls right now. That we have a plan for. We've dealt with every kind of evil there is, and we always have a plan, but this... If Caroline loses her mom, it'll destroy her. Elena: I know. Stefan: She doesn't deserve this, Elena. She's a good person. She's happy, she's kind. Elena: I know. I should tell her. It's only a matter of time before she compels a doctor, and I don't want her finding out from a stranger, you know? Stefan: Let me do it. ( Stefan gets up ) Elena: No, Stefan. You don't have to. Stefan: Let Damon know. I should tell Caroline. I haven't been there for her. Caroline needed me, and I ran away. So... yeah, I have to do it. ( Stefan leaves ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ] ( Jo walks with Alaric to his car ) Alaric: I guess we'll just lock up your brother until you two, you know... Jo: Merge our twin powers during the next celestial event? Alaric: Yeah. There really is no sugarcoating that, is there? Jo: For the record, I've dated doctors and lawyers and a couple of artist types, but none of my previous boyfriends would have ever understood that. ( They smile at each other ) Alaric: Here. Let me, uh... ( Alaric gets a blanket out of the car and wraps it around Jo. They kiss ) Jo: Be careful. ( Back by the mausoleum, Damon throws rocks at the large headstone Kai is chained to on the other side ) Kai: So this whole antimagic thing, is it like a... Like a dome or a bubble? Like, say, you were in 747 flying over Mystic Falls, would you die? You know, that could be dangerous, like if you're headed to New York and your pilot reroutes for weather. Damon: How's this? I kill you, and when you're in hell, you can ask a bar full of dead travelers, who cast the damn spell. Damon: That's a lot of travelers. Must be a pretty big spell. ( quietly ) Like a really big spell. So big... It covers every inch of an entire town. ( Kai touches the ground, thoughtful. Alaric drives his car up to the border and gets out ) Alaric: What the hell are you doing? Damon: I'm working on my knuckleball. Alaric: We are keeping him alive, Damon. Damon: Can I ask why we continuously compromise logic for some girl you just met? Alaric: You know, I don't know how I went so long without saying this, but you're a real dick. Damon: Bonnie's stuck over there because of him. She's over there, and I'm over here, and I hate myself for it. Alaric: Yeah, and killing him will make you feel better, so let's just stop pretending for a second that this is about anyone else but you. ( Damon throws a rock at one of the tires on Alaric's car, hard enough to puncture it ) Damon: You should probably go change that tire. ( Meanwhile, Kai is drawing the Travelers' magic from the earth ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS - PRISON WORLD ] ( Bonnie drags an extension cord toward her tree ) Bonnie: Ok, tree. Let's do this. ( She plugs it in and the tree lights up ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS, 2009 ] ( The town is gathered around the Christmas tree while Liz addresses them. Elena and Bonnie stand together, giggling ) Liz: Now that's what I call a Christmas tree. Isn't that gorgeous? The holidays are all about being with loves ones, and I think that's what makes this tradition so special in our town. It's a reminder that no matter where you turn you have a friend. ( The crowd applauses. Elena and Bonnie say "aw" and put their heads together. Caroline joins them ) Caroline: Biggest mistake of junior year... Including the boys in secret santa. Stefan is officially the worst gift giver. Elena: He got you a snow globe? Caroline: Yeah, of Mystic Falls, as if I don't see enough of this town every day as it is. Bonnie: Well, I love my bracelet. Caroline: Of course you do because I am good at secret santa, and I didn't purchase it from a quick stop. Elena: Looks like someone is missing the true meaning of Christmas. Come on. We're happy and healthy, and we're together. ( They wrap their arms around each other ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ] ( Caroline sits on a bench in the hall, holding the snow globe Stefan gave her a few years ago. Stefan walks up to her ) Stefan: Hey. Caroline: Hey. Uh, there's no news. Apparently, they're still running tests. Stefan: Caroline... We need to talk. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS CEMETERY ] ( Wind is blowing hard and Damon tries to hear Elena on the phone ) Damon: Hey. Where are you? I can't hear you. Elena: I'm at the medical center. Where are you? Reception's horrible. Damon, can you hear me? Damon: Hey. Elena! ( Damon loses the connection. Kai continues to draw power from the earth while the wind rises. Meanwhile, at the high school, Jeremy walks through a crowd standing around the Christmas tree. When someone plugs in the lights, a few of them burst. Elsewhere, Matt's radio in the van goes a little haywire. He hits it and turns it up. In the back, Enzo wakes up, hearing the music ) Enzo: Fancy something else? I always figured I'd bow out to the Everly brothers or... ( Matt shuts the slider behind him. Back at the cemetery, Damon gets up and walks toward Kai ) Damon: He stopped talking. He never stops talking. ( The chains on Kai's wrists melt off of him ) Kai: Magia tollox de terras. Utera aso utox. Damon: What happened to his chains? Alaric: Is he chanting? Kai: Utera aso utox... ( Matt crosses the border into Mystic Falls. The roof of the van is open and Enzo starts to burn in the sun ) Kai: Magia tollox de terras. Utera aso utox. ( Matt gets out of the van and goes round to open the back. Enzo is lying still, and Matt reaches out to turn him over. Enzo moves with vampire speed and grabs Matt's throat, unaffected by the anti-magic spell ) Enzo: It's a Christmas miracle. ( Back at the cemetery, Kai gets up ) Damon: You little magic sucker. Sucked up all that magic from the traveler spell. ( Kai levitates Alaric and slams him into a tree ) Kai: A lot of magic. ( Damon rushes at Kai, shoving him against a tree. Kai shoves Damon off, and when Damon goes to punch him, Kai disappears ) Damon: Gah! I really, really hate that move. ( Damon hears Alaric groan and rushes over to him ) Damon: Ric! Hey. Come on. Take my damn hand, Ric. Come on. ( Alaric finally accepts Damon's help and gets up ) Alaric: How are you not dead? ( They look over at the line Kai had drawn in the dirt. They're both on the anti-magic side ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ A ROAD AT MYSTIC FALLS BORDER ] ( Enzo sits on the edge of the van, Matt sits further inside ) Enzo: If we've learned anything from today, it's that we should kill our enemies with haste. Matt: Then what are you waiting for? Go ahead and kill me. Enzo: I said enemies. Don't flatter yourself. Matt: What do you want, Enzo? Enzo: You were right. I am jealous of Stefan. He has what I want... Respect, family, girls he doesn't deserve. He throws it all away, and yet still somehow manages to come out winning. You are going to help me deplete every ounce of happiness from his life, and when there's nothing left, I'll decide if you get to live. Oh, and, uh, happy holidays. ( Enzo closes the doors to the back of the van ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ SALVATORE MANSION ] ( Damon talks to Elena on the phone while he walks in the front door ) Elena: You mean home home? Damon: Ahh. Just walked through the front door, which I should probably start locking now that Kai's supercharged and on the prowl. Elena: Let's just celebrate the fact that we can go home. I could really use some happy news right now. Today sucked. Damon: I'm listening. Elena: So look. I don't know what we were or are or what we're supposed to be, but all I know is that today was pretty horrible, and I just... I want to see you. I have something I need to tell you. Damon: Come over. I'll cook you dinner, and we'll talk about our crappy days. ( Elsewhere at the hospital, Caroline and Stefan talk ) Caroline: That just doesn't make sense. My mom would have said something to me. Stefan: We were worried, so... Elena compelled one of the doctors for information. Caroline: Ok. So my mom has a brain tumor. Then we'll just give her vampire blood. Stefan: Caroline, do you think that if our blood cured cancer we would have heard about that by now? Caroline: Fine. Then when are they gonna operate? Stefan: That's the problem. They can't. Caroline: Ok. Well, if they can't operate, then they'll give her chemo, right? Stefan: The tumor is growing so fast the doctors don't think that will work. Caroline: Well, then they're wrong because they don't know her. They don't know how strong she is. I mean, she's gonna get through this, Stefan. Right? ( Caroline breaks down, and Stefan holds her. Elena hangs up the phone as she walks into the hall, and sees Caroline crying in Stefan's arms ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MYSTIC FALLS - PRISON WORLD / REAL WORLD ] ( As Bonnie looks at her tree in the prison world, Jeremy stands by the tree in the real world ) Jeremy: We miss you, Bonnie. Bonnie: I miss you guys. ( Jeremy walks away from the large, colorful tree in the real world. Bonnie sets fire to her small, simple tree with a lighted candle, and walks away from it as it burns ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ] ( Caroline stands by her mom's bed, holding the snow globe ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ SALVATORE MANSION ] ( Damon hears the rumble of an engine outside ) Damon: That's not possible. ( He goes out the front door to see Stefan drive up in Damon's car ) Damon: What? This was gone. I blew this up. Stefan: Yeah? Well, you weren't around to annoy me for the last 4 months, so I had a bit of extra time on my hands. Damon: Ha! Stefan: Think of it as a early merry Christmas/late welcome back to life present. ( Damon takes the keys and the brothers hug ) Damon: Ha ha ha! Thank you. Stefan: Hey. Just, uh, do me a favor. Don't die again. Those fenders were a real bitch to find. Damon: Deal. Deal. Ha! Yeah. ( They walk back inside ) Damon: Well, we're home. Stefan: Yep. Damon: You sticking around? Stefan: Well, that depends. Might have to kill Jeremy if I find out that he slept in my bed. ( Stefan leaves to go upstairs. Outside, Elena walks up to the door and sees the mistletoe. She knocks and Damon walks over and opens the door ) Elena: Mistletoe. Clever. Damon: Hello. Anybody there? Elena: Damon, what are you doing? ( Damon can't see Elena ) Elena: Are you gonna let me in or... ( Puzzled, Damon closes the door again ) Elena: Um... heh. ( Kai is standing behind Elena ) Kai: I may have put a cloaking spell on us. ( Elena whirls around ) Kai: How genius is that? ( Kai hits Elena with a weapon and knocks her down ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ END ]

Seen in flashbacks ranging from 2007 to 2009, high school students Elena, Bonnie and Caroline are decorating the school Christmas tree and enjoying a simpler time. In the present day, Kai kidnaps Jo and with Liv and Luke's help, he locates the knife where Jo had hidden her magic and forces Jo to take it back by stabbing her, but she tells him that for that to work she has to be willing to do it because she put it there also willingly. Luke leaves saying that he does not want to be a part of Jo's murder. Jo tells Kai that she may bleed out if he does not do anything and that all his efforts will be vain, so he leaves to go fetch some bandages and leaves Liv with the mission to find a way to give Jo her magic back. Meanwhile the sheriff is brought to the hospital where it is revealed that she has a tumor on her brain, and Stefan says to Caroline that she will die because vampire's blood cannot heal her. Jeremy and Matt trap Enzo with the intent of killing him but Matt wants to kill him slowly, which Jeremy finds a little harsh but Matt is determined. Liv tries to convince Jo to take her magic telling her that she may be able to beat Kai in the merge because of how well she has done without magic for 18 years. Kai comes back and tries to kill Liv which forces Jo to take back her magic. Damon and Alaric came to the rescue to find out that Jo has her magic back. They trick Kai and send him out of border where Alaric puts a gun on his temple but Jo comes out and asks him not to kill him because she might be able to beat him in the merge, and that she needs a little time to get strong. They chained him in Mystic Falls where he cannot use any magic but after a while, Kai drains the magic from the travelers' spell, something that also breaks the spell surrounding Mystic Falls. Matt brings Enzo past the border of Mystic Falls but Enzo cannot die due to Kai absorbing all the magic. Enzo turns on Matt telling him that he will let him live if he helps him take away all things that makes Stefan happy. Damon and Stefan come back to their home in Mystic Falls, and when Elena arrives, Damon cannot see her because of Kai's cloaking spell. Kai kidnaps Elena.

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"Mayhem on the Cross" Norwegian Translation by: blandinavian [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER: (Open: Engelsviken, Norway. There is metal music coming from a lighted barn near a lake. Cut to a band playing the music while a skeleton hangs from a cross behind them. A crowd cheers. At the back of the crowd a woman stands with a Delta Unit Commander.) DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: Vi mottok et tips om at det kunne v re menneskelig. Hva tror du? (We got a tip that it could be human. What do you think?) DR. SOLBERG: Jeg m g n rmere. (I need to get closer.) DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: Iverksett! (Commence!) (They head towards the skeleton and the music stops. Dr. Solberg walks onto the stage and examines the skeleton.) DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: N rme nok? (Close enough?) DR. SOLBERG: Definitivt menneskelig. Definitivt menneskelig, og if lge det odontologiske arbeidet amerikansk. (Definitely human. Definitely human, and according to the orthodonture, American.) DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: Amerikansk? Er du sikker? (American? Are you certain?) DR. SOLBERG: Ja. Amerikansk. (Yes. American.) DELTA UNIT COMMANDER: Bra. La oss gi det tilbake til dem. (Good. Let's give it back to them.) (The guitar player takes a swing at them with his guitar, the Delta Unit Commander defends them and it fades to black.) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab Platform, Jeffersonian, Washington D.C. Dr. Temperance Brennan, Dr. Camille Saroyan and Intern Clark Edison are conducting the first examination of the skeleton that has been recently shipped to them. It is still on the cross.) BRENNAN: Norway? CAM: We don't have enough crucified corpses of our own? Now the Vikings are sending them? CLARK: The annual murder rate in Norway is 0.7. BRENNAN: Less than one murder a year? CAM: In that case, they should solve the ones they have or they'll never get any practice. BRENNAN: The victim is American. CLARK: Still, if a Norwegian was murdered here, we'd conduct the investigation. CAM: But the Norwegians say the victim died here and then got shipped to Norway. BRENNAN: What's their evidence? CAM: Nothing forensic, it's just police work. The remains were found in the possession of a Norwegian black metal band. BRENNAN: (To Clark.) What's black metal? CLARK: I dunno. It's Norwegian. Whole different kind of black. CAM: Apparently, it's a genre of heavy metal featuring macabre imagery of death and horrific violence. Skalle. That's the name of the band? Skalle. BRENNAN: Oh, it means "skull." CAM: You speak Norwegian? BRENNAN: No, I'm a forensic anthropologist. I know how to say "skull" in just about every language. CAM: Well, Skalle... BRENNAN: Skall-eh. CAM: Skall-ay... BRENNAN: Skall-eh. CAM: They stole the body from an American metal band while on tour in DC six months ago. BRENNAN: The remains are male, late teens. CLARK: Significant staining on the ... skall-EH. BRENNAN: SKALL-eh. CLARK: It leached into the bone. CAM: Desiccated flesh on the face and scalp. CLARK: Mm-hmm. CAM: Perhaps enough for DNA. BRENNAN: If the scraps of clothing and the boots were actually on the victim when he died, then... maybe Hodgins can give us something. CAM: (Nods and then points to the skeleton's ribs that have been spread out to look like wings.) What's, what's the story on this? CLARK: The posterior ribs were either broken or severed. BRENNAN: Detached from the spine and then fanned out. It's the Blood Eagle. CAM: Beg pardon? BRENNAN: It was an ancient torture in which the victim was held face down while his back was sliced open. The ribs were then broken at the spine and then spread to look like an eagle, thus the name. (Cam nods.) BRENNAN: Absence of blood on the periosteal surface of the fractures suggests the ribs were broken postmortem. CLARK: I'll remove the bones from the cross and clean them, see if we can find the cause of death. CAM: This is definitely murder. BRENNAN: There are other possibilities. CLARK: I have to admit, none spring to mind. BRENNAN: One possibility: drunken, death-obsessed, Satan-worshipping, drug-abusing teens rob a grave and reenact an ancient torture. CAM: Ah, just another Saturday night. (Cut to: FBI Building, Special Agent Seeley Booth is walking down the hall with another agent.) BOOTH: Right, okay, so for the Norwegian crucifixion case, I'm gonna need to know all there is about the heavy metal music scene in D.C. Okay, and tell you what, get me all the recordings you can. (They turn the corner and run into Dr. Gordon Wyatt) WYATT: I think you're going to have to be more specific than that, Agent Booth. BOOTH: Ha, Gordon-Gordon! (He shakes hands with him and continues to do so.) WYATT: There's black metal, speed metal, grindcore, thrash, doom, drone, glam, sludge, metalcore, stoner metal, death metal, and deathcore. (Looks down at their still shaking hands.) Must you shake my hand with quite such a vise-like grip? BOOTH: Right, yeah, okay, did you get all that? Go, go, go! I thought you were a psychiatrist, huh? How'd you become such a musical expert? WYATT: Oh, I've got quite a, quite a musical background, you know. BOOTH: Oh, yeah, right uh, Saint, um, Weatherby's Glee Club in Doo-Dah-on-Henley? So... I thought we loaned you out to Interpol? WYATT: Yes, part of the serial killer task force, traveling the globe bathed in perversion and gore. BOOTH: Have a seat. (They both sit.) WYATT: And on a happier note, I'm to meet your bright young thing. Dr. Sweets? BOOTH: Sweets, why Sweets? WYATT: Well, he wants to interview me for the book he's writing on you and the lovely Dr. Brennan. Anyway, I can see you're busy. (He stands.) Listen, uh, perhaps while I'm here I can barbeque for you one evening. BOOTH: Oh, no, no, I am the barbeque master, remember? You can do the boiling. WYATT: Ah, I have it on good authority that my culinary skills have advanced somewhat since last we ate. Anyway, it's good to see you. BOOTH: Yeah, you too. (Wyatt exits.) (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab, Cam's office. Cam is sitting at her desk and Angela walks in.) ANGELA: Hey. I have a computer rendering of what our victim may have looked like. (They pull it up on Cam's computer.) Look at him. He's a puppy. CAM: A 278-pound puppy. ANGELA: Sometimes puppies are big. CAM: Prelim tox results came back negative for embalming fluid. ANGELA: So he was never buried in a sanctioned grave. So probably murdered. CAM: Murdered and his remains crucified for the entertainment of people who hate life. ACT ONE (Open: FBI Building, Dr. Lance Sweets' office. He and Dr. Gordon Wyatt are meeting for the first time and shaking hands.) WYATT: Gordon, Gordon Wyatt. It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Sweets. SWEETS: Dr. Wyatt, I am a huge admirer of your book on the role of sexual sadism in female serial killers. WYATT: Do I detect a certain caveat in your tone? SWEETS: Uh... well, the sample is small. WYATT: Comparatively speaking, there are few female serial killers. SWEETS: I was wondering if you had a chance to take a look at... WYATT: Your manuscript? (He reaches into his bag and pulls the manuscript out.) Yes, indeed, and may I say, Dr. Sweets, that I think this is probably the best work I have ever read on the dynamics of opposite personality types working towards a common cause. SWEETS: Okay, now I'm hearing a caveat. WYATT: It's a small one. It's just that Brennan and Booth aren't in any way opposites. SWEETS: Wow, small? (Laughs.) What is that-British understatement? WYATT: Well, yes. He's a man, she's a woman. He's instinctual, she's empirical. SWEETS: Opposites. WYATT: Superficial ephemera, Dr. Sweets. SWEETS: Wow. Okay, what about the sexual component in their relationship? WYATT: Ah... SWEETS: Would you agree that they have both, uh, sublimated their attraction to each other out of fear of endangering their working relationship because their working relationship is paramount to both of them? WYATT: Alas, I'm afraid I wouldn't agree with that, no. SWEETS: Wow, which part? WYATT: Well, everything you just said. Yes, one of them is acutely aware of that attraction. Struggles with it daily, as a matter of fact. SWEETS: Wow. I'm sorry I keep saying that... but which one? WYATT: It's your book, Dr. Sweets. I would never tell you what to write. SWEETS: I was actually going to ask you to write the introduction. WYATT: That's very flattering, but uh, I'm retiring. I am relinquishing the field to young Turks like you. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab. Metal music can be heard and Cam and Dr. Jack Hodgins can be seen walking into Angela's office where the music is coming from. She's bobbing her head and is clearly enjoying the music.) CAM: Do you think she actually enjoys this? HODGINS: This whole sexual abstinence thing is totally twisting her out of shape. (He hands a file to Cam.) Oh, here, uh, the staining on the skull was propylene glycol dicocoate, alkyl benzoate, and sorbitan sesquioleate. CAM: What is that, some king of systemic poison? HODGINS: That's common theatrical makeup. It leached into the skull during decomp. (Walks toward Angela and taps her on the shoulder.) ANGELA: (Turns, surprised to see them there.) Oh, sorry, sorry. I put the music on to get me in the right space. (She turns the music off.) Well, extrapolating from the stains on the skull, it turns out that at the time of his death, our victim looked like this. (Pulls an image of the victim up on the computer and renders makeup over his face.) HODGINS: Looks like your puppy moonlighted as a zombie werewolf. ANGELA: Yeah, I ran this through my facial recognition program with an image search of metal Web pages. Check this out. CAM: There's our boy. (The search pulls up a webpage for a metal band.) HODGINS: Spew. It's very evocative. ANGELA: So our victim-Mayhem-was the bassist. The drummer is Wrath and the guitarist Pinworm, but they do have a new bassist now. His name is Grinder. CAM: What about real names? HODGINS: I imagine they play that pretty close to the vest. ANGELA: Yeah, kind of ruins the magic when you find out that Satan's name is Todd or Larry. CAM: Okay. I'll tell Booth to search for a death metal band named Spew. (She exits and Angela makes devil's horns with her hand.) (Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are sitting at the counter.) BOOTH: Wait a sec. What do you mean Gordon-Gordon is going to quit psychiatry? SWEETS: Well, I asked him to write the intro to my book about you two. He told me he couldn't because he was retiring. BRENNAN: Is it possible he just hated your book? SWEETS: Thank you. (Chuckles.) BRENNAN: Perhaps now he'll find a pursuit worthy of his intellect... neurochemistry, for example. BOOTH: (His phone rings and he answers.) Yeah. Booth. Hold on, slow down. (He turns away from the counter.) SWEETS: Okay, why would a man with Wyatt's insights into the human psyche want to be a mere scientist? No offense. BRENNAN: Perhaps because psychology is a field which is ill-defined in conception and ineffective in execution. SWEETS: Thank you. BOOTH: (Returns to the counter.) Okay, sounds great. (Hangs up,) So Cam says we got to track down a death metal band named Spew. They're totally underground-no concerts listed, no contact information. BRENNAN: A death metal band? BOOTH: Yeah. BRENNAN: But our victim's skeleton was found in the possession of a Norwegian black metal band. BOOTH: Death metal, black metal, what's the difference? SWEETS: In essence, death metal is about brutal technical proficiency while black metal is about emotion. Now both of them exploit adolescent feelings of alienation, depression... BOOTH: Right, cause it all just sounds like a truck full of cymbals crashing into a saw factory for me. SWEETS: Well... BRENNAN: Historically, picayune internecine squabbles account for a huge number of deaths. BOOTH: Bones, just figure out cause of death for me, all right, "interoserine" or whatever. (To Sweets.) How do you know so much about this? SWEETS: I was really into death metal... as a teenager, not anymore. Obviously. BOOTH: Really? SWEETS: Oh, come on. BOOTH: Come on, what? SWEETS: (Into an invisible microphone.) Rah, rah, rah. I don't like that anymore. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab, Hodgins' work station.) BRENNAN: According to Booth there's no way to track down this band Spew. No bars, clubs or high schools. HODGINS: The cross is carved of 120-year-old black oak and was stolen from St. Benedict Episcopal Church six months ago. CAM: That is some determined desecration going on. HODGINS: Yeah, well the bones themselves were covered in a patina of smoke, tobacco, marijuana, meth, animal blood, semen and saliva. BRENNAN: Who are these people? CAM: Sweets sent over a briefing. (Hands a file to Brennan.) HODGINS: Concerts are set up at secret locations, and then only insiders are invited. BRENNAN: Then how do we find them? HODGINS: Aha... well, the dried mud from the treads of the boots that were duct-taped to the victim contained bovine fragments and infectious prion proteins. BRENNAN: A slaughterhouse. HODGINS: A slaughterhouse closed down due to mad cow disease. CAM: Death metal enthusiasts prefer morbid, horror-centric venues for performance. In addition, they tend to perform for their fans in the same place they practice and sometimes squat. HODGINS: (Pulls a map up on his computer that zeroes in on a location.) Like maybe this horror-centric condemned slaughterhouse. BRENNAN: Wait. How do we know that those are his boots? He was in Norway for months. CAM: You are going to be so proud. (Cut to: Exam room. Clark is explaining the boot theory to Brennan.) CLARK: The victim's foot size is 11, same as his boots. BRENNAN: We need something more than a matching shoe size. CAM: He's not finished. CLARK: Wear on his calcaneus and cuboid suggest our victim walked mostly on the outside of his feet. CAM: Supinator. BRENNAN: One percent of the population are supinators. That's a lot. CAM: One percent of size 11 teenagers isn't good enough? BRENNAN: (Looks down at the victim's feet.) This missing toe... did it fall off after decomposition, or was it a preexisting condition? CLARK: That's exactly what I was thinking. (He pulls an image of the inside of the boot up on a screen.) You see here? (Points to the missing depression inside the shoe.) His toes left an impression inside the boot, but there is no impression corresponding with the big toe. CAM: Are you satisfied that this was the boot worn by the victim while he was still alive? BRENNAN: It's a reasonable conclusion. CAM: (To Clark.) You want to say "King of the Lab"? CLARK: (Uncomfortable.) No. (Cut to: Brennan, Booth and Wyatt riding in the SUV.) WYATT: So, why do I have the feeling that I'm being taken somewhere terrible for a... a gangland whacking? BRENNAN: We are going somewhere terrible. (Booth gives her a look.) We are. BOOTH: Look, we... we need your expertise. WYATT: Well, I'm sure the estimable Dr. Sweets is more than qualified. BRENNAN: Booth is lying about needing you. BOOTH: What? BRENNAN: He wants to talk you out of quitting psychiatry. BOOTH: Bones, I was easing into that, okay? WYATT: As a matter of fact, I might be able to help. You know, as a young man, I dabbled quite extensively in the rock music scene. BOOTH: (Chuckling.) Oh, wait a second. What, were you, lead dulcimer in a flute band? WYATT: As a matter of fact, I was the founding member of a proto-glam rock outfit. BRENNAN: I don't know what that means. WYATT: It means that for three glorious years, I wore spandex, silver lame, pancake makeup, and played a guitar shaped like a spaceship. I was quite pretty in my way. BOOTH: Wait. You... you were Noddy Comet. BRENNAN: What's that? BOOTH: Noddy Comet! I always wondered what happened to you. You were Noddy. WYATT: I changed jobs. That's all. BOOTH: Noddy Comet! I got to get some of those original tapes. (Cut to: Slaughterhouse. Spew is rehearsing. The music is extremely loud as Booth, Brennan and Wyatt walk in.) WYATT: Actually, you know, that fellow playing the bass is really rather good. BRENNAN: What? BOOTH: Okay, let's shut it down, guys. Come on. FBI, let's go! Hey, I said... FBI shut it down! (The guitarist, Pinworm, turns and spits on the badge Booth is holding up. Booth clearly gets irritated and turns, then takes out his gun and shoots the amp and speakers.) BRENNAN: Oh. WYATT: Yes. Now, if you recall ...it was shooting inanimate objects that had you brought to me for therapy in the first place. BOOTH: I thought it was a justifiable shooting. BRENNAN: I agree. BOOTH: She agrees. See? (Wrath kicks over the cymbals.) PINWORM: You going to put your gun down? BOOTH: Don't rush me, okay? (He wipes his badge off on Pinworm's pants.) I'm thinkin'. ACT TWO (Cut to: FBI Building, Interrogation Anteroom. Brennan is on the phone with Booth and Sweets is standing nearby.) BRENNAN: Well, are you coming? BOOTH: (In his office, behind his desk.) Nope, I discharged my weapon. I pulled desk duty until the paperwork clears. BRENNAN: You're fifty feet away. BOOTH: At my desk, okay, so just put in the earplug and let's do this. Don't tell Sweets about the ear bud. BRENNAN: (To Sweets.) Booth wants us to interrogate them. SWEETS: Yeah, he's not really supposed to be watching on his laptop and talking in your ear. BOOTH: (Overhearing Sweets, speaks into the phone.) So, just tell him that's not happening. BRENNAN: (Hangs up and glances at a file Sweets has.) These are their real names: Monty Bigelow, Matt Stickney, and Darrel Moss. (Sweets exits the anteroom and goes into the interrogation room. Brennan hangs back and inserts the earbud into her ear.) BOOTH: (In Brennan's ear.) All right, Bones, so just ease into this. (Watching the interrogation on his laptop.) BRENNAN: What was Mayhem's real name? BOOTH: Or you can just go at them like a freight train. PINWORM: Dabbler. SWEETS: His stage name was Mayhem, not Dabbler. GRINDER: Mayhem's a dabbler. A poseur. A douche. BRENNAN: Do you want to spend time in jail, Pinhead? BOOTH: You can't actually arrest people, Bones. PINWORM: We live in a slaughterhouse. You got something worse than that? SWEETS: Alright, let's start over. Tell us the name that Mayhem's mother and father gave him and we'll charge you with assaulting a federal agent. BRENNAN: Oh, no, you have that backwards. BOOTH: No, Bones, he's right, okay? They want to be arrested. BRENNAN: Oh. Reverse psychology. SWEETS: That term is almost always misused. BOOTH: Look, just tell Tapeworm that felony assault is the best you can do. BRENNAN: Felony assault is the best we can do... Tapeworm. SWEETS: Take it or leave it. GRINDER: (Pinworm motions for him to tell them.) Justin. Justin Dancy. SWEETS: When did you last see Justin? GRINDER: When I killed him, ate his heart and took his job. PINWORM: I killed him, too. WRATH: I never even noticed he was gone. GRINDER: I ate his face off before I killed him. BRENNAN: I am so much better at interrogation than I thought. SWEETS: Those aren't legitimate confessions. All right, guys. Come on, give us a real answer. PINWORM: About a year ago. When he quit the band. How about those charges? BOOTH: Whoa, where's he goin'? (Sweets gets up and walks out of the interrogation room. Booth scrambles to close his laptop and pretend that he wasn't just watching the interrogation on it. Sweets walks into his office.) SWEETS: Booth. BOOTH: Yeah? SWEETS: The one called Grinder is different from the others. His body language displays an emotional connection to the murder victim. BOOTH: Okay, so, uh, what do you think we should do? SWEETS: We should arrange to have him cleaned up-revealed, so to speak-so that Dr. Wyatt and I can talk to him and exploit that connection. BOOTH: Okay... great. You do that. I'll stay here on desk duty. SWEETS: Okay. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab, Exam Room. Clark is examining the bones of the victim and explaining to Cam.) CLARK: Posterior ilium, right side, damage to the cortical bone layer, extending into the trabecular. CAM: This skeleton was carted from DC to Norway, then used as a prop at ultraviolent concerts. There's bound to be damage. CLARK: I enlarged the x-ray. See the multiple clefts and wastage? CAM: Suggesting the damage done to the pelvic bone happened very near the time of death? CLARK: Now, because Dr. Brennan isn't here, I'll guess that these gouge marks came from a knife. CAM: Someone went digging into the victim's gluteus? CLARK: Yes. Bone damage consistent with a bullet wound. CAM: So... the victim was shot in the ass, then killed in some way yet to be determined, then the killer dug the bullet out of the... CLARK: Gluteus. Yes. CAM: Okay. Let's have Hodgins swab for trace evidence. God knows what he'll find. Maybe a little piece of Norway. (Cut to: FBI Building, Conference Room. Dr. Wyatt and Sweets are waiting for Grinder to come in. He enters.) WYATT: Ah, Darrel Moss. Do, come in. Sit down. GRINDER: My name's Grinder. SWEETS: Grinder, have you looked in the mirror? GRINDER: Where are the other guys? Did you delouse them, too? WYATT: No, nobody else. Just you, Darrel. SWEETS: You're the new guy in the band, right? You replaced Mayhem on bass? GRINDER: I told you. I killed him for the job. SWEETS: Uh, huh. Dr. Wyatt tells me that you are a skilled, classically trained bassist influenced by... who is it? WYATT: Jaco Pastorius. But you do everything you can to hide that, don't you? GRINDER: I never heard of him. WYATT: No, no, 'cause that would... that would ruin your street cred. SWEETS: Justin Dancy's remains show evidence of being used as a stage prop for approximately the last six months, four of those in Norway. GRINDER: His name was Mayhem. SWEETS: But he wasn't always Mayhem. WYATT: Just as you weren't always Grinder. (He pushes a photograph across the desk.) Look, there he is. There's Justin. And that's you, Darrel. Justin and Darrel. You see, what we want to do is find whoever it was that killed your boyhood friend. GRINDER: What makes you think I even know? SWEETS: Everyone knows everything in the metal world. WYATT: It's a small world breeding whispers, conjecture... secrets. SWEETS: You may even have heard rumors of who murdered him. WYATT: But you're not going to tell us, are you? 'Cause we're outsiders. That would be breaking the code. SWEETS: So we're just going to ask: Who had him before the Norwegians? WYATT: Who crucified your boyhood friend? GRINDER: We would have got him back, you know. SWEETS: Got him back from who? GRINDER: Zorch. WYATT: Excuse me? SWEETS: That lame deathcore outfit? GRINDER: They consider themselves deathcore. I consider them crapcore. What they did to Justin, though, was totally awesome. It was brilliant. WYATT: And what would you have done with Justin if you had stolen him back? GRINDER: We would have hung him up behind us, man. It would have been epic. Legendary. (Cut to: Zorch concert. Brennan is on the phone with Booth who is still on desk duty in his office.) BRENNAN: (Shouting over the music.) I'm disturbed that despite my extensive training as an anthropologist, all of these bands sound alike and appear to share identical belief systems and mores. BOOTH: Yeah, right, except for the trained anthropologist part, that's how my dad felt about Black Flag and the Dead Kennedys. BRENNAN: I have no idea what you're saying. BOOTH: Listen, Bones, I don't want you there alone, okay? Just get a good look at this guy, and you get out; do you understand? (A man with makeup on approaches and Brennan has to look twice before she realizes that it's Sweets.) SWEETS: You ready? BRENNAN: Sweets? BOOTH: Sweets is there? BRENNAN: Well, I think it's him. SWEETS: Yeah, I had to meld to get information. Zorch's lead singer is Murderbreath. (Murderbreath blows fire out of his mouth.) Look at that. Who does he think he is? The guy with the tongue from Kiss? BOOTH: Do you know what? Just tell Sweets to leave Gene alone. Just get a photo and get out of there. SWEETS: Zorch and Spew are sworn enemies. It started out with the fans throwing feces at each other, then some attacks. BRENNAN: Culminating in medieval torture? (On stage, Murderbreath lifts a large knife and the crowd shouts "Do it! Do it!") BRENNAN: He's got a knife. BOOTH: Who's got a knife? (Murderbreath slides the knife across his throat and blood stars flowing.) SWEETS: Nah, don't worry. It's totally fake. (Murderbreath grabs his throat and goes down on the stage.) BRENNAN: That's...not fake. BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, what's happening? BRENNAN: Murderbreath slit his own throat. (She pushes through the crowd toward the stage.) Excuse me. BOOTH: Is he still alive? BRENNAN: (Assesses the situation.) We need a compress. (She looks around and then rips Sweets' shirt off.) SWEETS: You could've asked. BRENNAN: Hold this against the wound. Booth, can you call it in? BOOTH: Listen, I'm not hanging up, Bones... (She hangs up.) SWEETS: (Holding the compress against Murderbreath's throat.) Help is coming... BOOTH: Bones? Bones? BRENNAN: (The crowd surges forward, many are taking pictures with their phones.) Stand back, please. FBI. Stand back! (She looks down and is surprised to see multiple scars on Sweets' back.) [SCENE_BREAK] ACT THREE (Cut to: FBI Building, Interrogation Room. Murderbreath is being interrogated by Brennan and Sweets.) MURDERBREATH: Why'd you arrest me? I'm the one with the cut throat. SWEETS: Oooh. Maybe you shouldn't talk to much. BRENNAN: Uh, no, his larynx wasn't affected. MURDERBREATH: This is my actual voice. BRENNAN: Sounds exactly like when you sing. BOOTH: (Still watching from his office.) Sounds like gravel in a hubcap. SWEETS: So, that was a very good night for you. Word gets around that you slit your own throat for real... MURDERBREATH: You got it. Tonight, I'm a legend. BRENNAN: Do you have any idea who switched your prop knife? MURDERBREATH: One of the guys in the band, a fan, someone from another band, maybe I did it myself. Who cares? BOOTH: I bet it was Spew. BRENNAN: How about Spew? Evidence indicates that you killed and crucified their bassist. MURDERBREATH: This just gets better and better. I'm getting credit for that? SWEETS: Hmm-mm. No. See, the thing is, that same credit could send you to prison. BOOTH: Okay, listen, Bones, just tell him you don't care if he did it or not, you'll just throw his ass in jail. (She's unsure about this and he can tell.) Look, it's all right to lie during an interrogation, Bones. It's a technique. BRENNAN: The evidence is inconclusive regarding your guilt, (She stands and slams her hands down on the table.) but I'll damn well make sure it's conclusive! SWEETS: Whoa, what? BOOTH: Attagirl. Give it to him. BRENNAN: I will perjure myself if I have to, because you... make... me... sick, punk! SWEETS: Dr. Brennan... BRENNAN: I'll put your ass on death row and laugh at your execution. I will testify that your knife was used to make these gouges. (She walks around the table and shows him a picture, then turns him in his wheelchair to talk to him very near his face.) I will also prove that whatever implements we find-any props, knives, cleavers, all of your stage ware-I will show that it was used to mutilate his remains. (She turns him back toward the table.) Which they probably were. SWEETS: Good to know. BOOTH: There's no rock concerts in prison. BRENNAN: (Sing-songy.) There are no rock concerts in prison. MURDERBREATH: (Scoffing.) Rock concerts! I want immunity from desecration of human remains. BRENNAN: No promises, dirtbag! (Slams her hands down on the table again.) BOOTH: Just tell him that we will talk to the prosecutor on your behalf. BRENNAN: But we'll see what we can do. (She turns her chair and sits down in it backwards.) MURDERBREATH: Maybe six months ago, there's a rumor, Mayhem's dead and buried under Bridge 6, westbound lane State Road 66. BRENNAN: 6-6-6. The sign of the devil. SWEETS: Who told you? MURDERBREATH: I dunno. Nobody. Everybody. It was in the air, man. Dug up the bones. Somebody heard about this old Viking torture thing. Sounded like a great gag and it was, until Skall stole it. BRENNAN: Skall-eh. SWEETS: Doesn't matter. BRENNAN: Just trying to help. MURDERBREATH: I dug him up, stole the cross, fastened the bones to it. SWEETS: But you didn't kill him. (Murderbreath shakes his head.) BOOTH: I believe him. (Cut to: Royal Diner. Dr. Wyatt, Booth and Brennan are sitting at a table near the window.) WYATT: Now, my last official task as an FBI shrink is to declare you fit for duty. (He holds the gun out to Booth over the table.) BOOTH: Gordon-Gordon, (taps the table) the gun under the table. WYATT: I'm sorry. Sorry. BOOTH: Geez, yes. Fine. BRENNAN: So, Booth is back? WYATT: He's back. BOOTH: Hey, so what's next for you, Doc? I mean, when you stop shrinking heads? WYATT: I've been accepted by the Institute of Culinary Arts. BOOTH: You're going to be a chef. WYATT: That's correct, yes. I'm going to put good things into people instead of taking out things that are bad. Which I know sounds rather Freudian, but... Sigmund's been largely discredited so to hell with him. BOOTH: I don't see why you can't do both. BRENNAN: Well, we still don't know who murdered Justin Dancy. WYATT: Baby steps. You will prevail. BRENNAN: This subculture, it takes every notion of community and turns it upside down. WYATT: Well, no matter what they say, the fact remains that they are artists. They create. No true nihilist ever creates. These dark tortured people may rail against the night, but they make music. BRENNAN: On an oscilloscope, what we call "music" is demonstrably distinct from what we call "noise." WYATT: Your Dr. Sweets liked it as an adolescent. He's turned out rather well...for the most part. BOOTH: For the most part? WYATT: Well, I read his book. And, as is the case with most writing, it reveals more about the writer than about the subject matter, which, in this case is you. BRENNAN: Can you provide an example? WYATT: For one thing, he finds it extremely frustrating-your lack of willingness to discuss your childhood experiences with him. BRENNAN: What does that tell you? BOOTH: No, do not ask him that. He's going to think we both had traumatic childhoods. BRENNAN: We did. Your father was a violent drunk and mine abandoned me. BOOTH: (Claps.) Great, thank you. Just tell everybody here at the diner, won't you, Bones? Go ahead. BRENNAN: Sweets... has scars on his back. Old ones. WYATT: Really? BOOTH: What kind of scars? BRENNAN: Well, like he'd been whipped. BOOTH: Whipped? BRENNAN: I saw them. WYATT: That explains his near-obsession with your childhood trauma, doesn't it? (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Angela's Office. Angela is at her computer, explaining to Cam and Hodgins.) ANGELA: Okay, I did an Internet search of Spew's concerts. Now, this stuff is all uploaded from cell phones, so the quality is crap. Alright, check this out. (She runs a video.) This girl runs up. Here's the gun. She fires, then Mayhem literally spews the blood all over the crowd. And there's the blood. CAM: Okay, obviously fake. ANGELA: Yeah, it's a set piece. I've seen this same setup maybe 60 times in two years. CAM: It's the same girl every time? ANGELA: I'm pretty sure it is. (She zooms in on the girl's face, but it's very pixilated.) HODGINS: The image quality stinks. ANGELA: Except I combined all the different cell phone versions... (The imager runs and compiles an image of the girl.) CAM: Nice. We can get an ID from that. Can you arrange these shows in chronological order? ANGELA: Well, they all contain embedded cell phone codes so, yeah. HODGINS: Did he ever bleed from his ass? Because that's where we found the bullet fragments. CAM: Clark determined that the gunshot wound to the victim's ilium occurred ten months prior to his death. HODGINS: (Picks out a video from the many running on the screen.) There. (The video is enlarged.) He fell down that time behind the audience. CAM: Have you got another angle on this? (Angela brings up another video.) Oh, there. The bullet splinters his instrument. HODGINS: Right into his ass. That's our money shot right there. CAM: Not so tough when the blood is real, are you, metal boy? (Cut to: FBI Interrogation Room. Booth and Brennan are questioning Lexi, the girl from the videos.) BOOTH: So, this is you, isn't it? (He shows her a photograph of her holding the gun.) LEXI: My manager said not to talk to you until he gets here. BOOTH: Death metal chicks have managers? (Lexi sighs and reaches into her bag to pull out a CD which she slides across the desk to Booth.) Hmm. Ah, look at that. Metal to what? Power punk? LEXI: It's a much larger market, but I still retain my artistic integrity. BOOTH: Right. Do you still shoot bass players in your new gig? LEXI: Is that what this is about? Not my fault someone replaced the blank with a real bullet. BOOTH: No, I think you knew that the bullet was there. Otherwise, you would've shot the guy in the neck like every other time. LEXI: I'm waiting until my manager gets here. BOOTH: Okay. We can do that. In the meantime, I'm going to show you this picture here. (He stands and walks around the table to put a photo in front of her.) You see... Your boyfriend is flinching before you even pulled the trigger. I say the two of you were working on this together. LEXI: It was Justin's idea, okay? He was always trying to prove to the other guys he was more hardcore than them. BOOTH: Was he? LEXI: Well, uh... he wanted me to shoot him, so, yeah, I gave him his props. BOOTH: Hmm... LEXI: So, what? Now that I'm making some money, he's coming after me for shooting him in the ass two years ago? BOOTH: Justin's dead. He was murdered. LEXI: (Shocked, starting to tear up.) What? Oh, God, those stupid bastards. Those stupid... You have to get them. BOOTH: Get who? LEXI: You know, probably a fan found out. You know, maybe someone in Spew. This is totally my fault. BOOTH: Okay, found out what? Why is it your fault? LEXI: Maybe a year ago, he gave me a call saying that, you know, he wanted to get back together, join my band. Some hardcore metal fanatic found out and killed him. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Exam Room. Clark and Brennan are still examining the bones of the victim.) CLARK: The striae and kerf width on each side of the bisected ribs match the saw that the FBI found at the Zorch concert. BRENNAN: Fingerprints are all Murderbreath's. CLARK: He already confessed to digging up the corpse and mutilating it. (He walks around the table.) So, you're looking at the greenstick fractures? BRENNAN: Yes. (She turns to look at him.) Hmm. Would you mind getting on all fours? CLARK: Uh, is that strictly necessary? BRENNAN: Yes, please. (She walks to a drawer and pulls out an extension cord then walks back and begins to wrap it around his throat after he's down on all fours.) So the fractures are adjacent to the articulation with the spine. CLARK: Now, with evidence of inward bowing (Brennan tightens the cord and he gasps).. BRENNAN: Incomplete fractures, evidence of inward bowing-if I place my knee in your back... (She puts her knee into his back and he goes down.) CLARK: (Gasping.) Hello! Tunnel vision, Dr. Brennan. BRENNAN: Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. That scenario explains al the bone damage and fractures. CLARK: So, stabbed and then garroted? BRENNAN: What if the wounds to the C5 aren't from a stab, but instead the result of the victim being garroted? CLARK: The puncture occurred on the back of his neck. But what would do that? BRENNAN: Barbed wire. CLARK: Yeah. (Cut to: Medico-Legal Lab; Brennan's Office. Booth, Brennan, Wyatt and Sweets are sitting around discussing the case.) SWEETS: Yes, his ex-girlfriend is right. Following her into the mainstream would be seen as the ultimate betrayal. BOOTH: Mmm, like leaving a cult. BRENNAN: We think that the victim was garroted, most likely with barbed wire. SWEETS: The murderer will lay claim. He'll keep a souvenir. WYATT: Yes, in the same way that a serial killer would. SWEETS: Right, but it isn't for his own satisfaction. It's a way of boasting of what he's done to the community. WYATT: Yeah, it's a totem, a signifier of some kind that can only be discerned by the cognoscenti. BOOTH: Okay, now how are we going to figure this out? None of us speak Italian. WYATT: (Pointing at Booth.) He does that, doesn't he? He wants to be underestimated. But um, you, you're one of the cognoscenti, Dr. Sweets. SWEETS: Oh, no. I've outgrown that. Mostly. Okay, maybe sometimes I'll listen to a few bootleg tapes when I've had a bad day... BOOTH: That's good, because this music sucks and the people who listen to it are defective! SWEETS: Thank you, so much. WYATT: I have no doubt that your parents said the same thing to you when you were listening to my music, Agent Booth. BOOTH: Mmm-hmm. And according to one of your squint reports, a bullet was gouged out of the victim's ass? BRENNAN: You read Clark's report? BOOTH: Well, only because I was on desk duty. (Clears throat.) Now, that bullet could be a good totem pole. BRENNAN: A totem, Booth. A totem pole is much larger. WYATT: Yes, but nonetheless, it would be a good totem pole otherwise. BOOTH: So, someone murdered the kid for leaving the fold... BRENNAN: Then uses a knife to gouge out the bullet. BOOTH: Buries the body under the bridge. WYATT: Knowing the cognoscenti will see the bullet and assume he's the murderer. SWEETS: But Murderbreath finds the body, puts it on display. BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Stealing credit. BRENNAN: So, we're looking for a bullet then? BOOTH: Mm-hmm. And lookit here. Our good, happy friend Pinworm wears a smashed bullet around his neck inside of a cross. ACT FOUR (Cut to: FBI Building; Interrogation Room. Booth, Brennan, Sweets and Wyatt are in the Interrogation Anteroom, looking at video of Pinworm who is sitting in the Interrogation Room writing on a pad of paper.) WYATT: Is it too much to hope that the fellow's scratching out his confession in block letters? BOOTH: (Zooms the video in on the cross worn around Pinworm's neck.) Right here, right inside the cross: .22 caliber. BRENNAN: Completely consistent with the mark it left in the victim's ilium. BOOTH: Okay, Bones and I are going to go in there. What we do not need to hear is a lot of psychological mumbo jumbo stuff in our ears. (Booth and Brennan exit to enter the Interrogation room, leaving Sweets and Wyatt alone in the anteroom.) SWEETS: Okay, so are you bored with psychiatry? Is that it, people don't have the capacity to surprise you anymore? WYATT: Oh, people surprise me. You surprise me. SWEETS: Me? WYATT: Few people looking at you would know what you'd been through. SWEETS: I beg your pardon? WYATT: Well, you were adopted. And the people who adopted you were an older couple. Probably too old for standard adoption of an infant, meaning you weren't an infant. You were, what... four? SWEETS: Six. WYATT: Six, yeah. Special needs. A child who'd been through some sort of hell, a damaged child. But these were loving, wonderful people. SWEETS: Yes. WYATT: They saved you...but now they're gone. You're an orphan. SWEETS: My parents died within weeks of each other. WYATT: Recently, I'd say. The wound is still fresh. SWEETS: Just before I came to work here. WYATT: Yeah. So now, you're mostly alone in the world. But they had time to save you. They gave you a good life, and that's why you believe that people can be saved by other people with good hearts. That's the gift your parents left you. That, and the gift of a truly good heart. That gives you a deeper calling I do not share. (Sweets takes a deep breath, clearly touched by Wyatt's words. They turn toward the observation window and push the button on the speaker so they can hear what is going on inside the interrogation room.) PINWORM: I don't remember where I got this bullet. BRENNAN: Well, you dug it out of Justin Dancy's pelvic bone with a knife. PINWORM: Hardcore, man. I-I dug it out of his ass, and then hung it around my neck. Legendary. If people think that means I killed him, there's nothing I can do about it. (He leans forward and shows the drawing he's done on the pad of paper to Brennan.) You know... you're one of us. Up to your elbows in corpses and murder. It's hot. BRENNAN: (Uncomfortable.) Thank you. BOOTH: So what, was, uh, Lexi like your Yoko Ono? PINWORM: What is that? A Bible reference? BOOTH: So let's just say that Justin decided to go with Lexi. What would that do to your band? PINWORM: No way any member of Spew does that. Never happen. BRENNAN: Why not? PINWORM: Well, because we are the real thing, the genuine item. Our music isn't made to be enjoyed. It's made to be feared. It comes straight from hell. BOOTH: Right. You don't know anything about hell. PINWORM: And you do? BOOTH: Well, see, I was a soldier and a cop. BRENNAN: I've identified hundreds of victims of genocide. I accept hell as a metaphor for what I've seen. PINWORM: You haven't seen hell until you've been inside my head, dreamed my nightmares. Your delusional, cozy reality doesn't even come close. (Cut to Sweets and Wyatt in the anteroom.) SWEETS: He's, uh, he's enjoying this attention. WYATT: It's what he feels on stage, isn't it? The...the power. SWEETS: But his sense of power is totally dependent on an audience. WYATT: (Holds up a finger and then pushes the button to speak into Booth and Brennan's ears.) Ruminate on Milton, Agent Booth. Think Paradise Lost. BOOTH: (Sits forward and opens his mouth like he's about to speak, but turns to Brennan and whispers.) What does that mean? BRENNAN: (Whispers back.) Oh, uh, Satan's greatest sin was pride, vanity. BOOTH: Right, okay-well, you know what? You're free to go. PINWORM: Uh, what? BOOTH: Well, my associate here tells me that Murderbreath confessed to the murder and the crucifixion of Justin Dancy, so you're free to go. PINWORM: Whoa, what? Murderbreath? BOOTH: Yeah, you're free to go. Come on. PINWORM: No, Murderbreath did not kill anybody. He weights, what, 40 pounds? Have you not seen Mayhem? Murderbreath didn't strangle somebody with barbed wire. It takes heft to choke a big guy to death. BRENNAN: Barbed wire? BOOTH: Wow, well, you know, nobody said anything about barbed wire. (Pinworm knows he's been caught.) WYATT: I think the correct term is "gotcha." (He high-fives Sweets.) (Cut to: Booth's House; Kitchen. Dr. Wyatt is standing at the stove stirring something. Brennan is sitting at a small table and Booth is putting on music. The rock music blares.) BOOTH: Noddy Comet! Huh? Look at that, unbelievable. BRENNAN: (To Wyatt.) This is you singing? WYATT: Well, yeah, my alter ego, I suppose you might say. A bisexual spaceman with a taste for six-inch platform shoes, spandex, glitter, and an exhibitionists distain for underclothing. BOOTH: Well, here's to Gordon-Gordon! Without him we would not have been able to solve the murder. BRENNAN: I hate to admit it, but it's true. (She and Booth raise their wine glasses.) To Gordon-Gordon. WYATT: (Turns the music off.) Stop, please. Look, this is exactly what Sweets wanted. I'm too good a psychiatrist ever to leave, et cetera. Well, no... Just put your glasses down, would you? Please. Might I offer you a word of advice regarding young Dr. Sweets? BOOTH: Might we try to stop you? BRENNAN: Why do we need advice about Sweets? BOOTH: We don't. Sweets is just fine. WYATT: He most definitely is not fine. I've read his book. BRENNAN: What, does he say something mean about us? WYATT: On the contrary. You might as well know that he lost both his adoptive parents just before he came to work for your de facto crime-fighting unit. BOOTH: Geez, what are we? The Land of Misfit Toys? WYATT: Well, he's a good lad, Sweets, but this book he's writing, he's using it as the vehicle to get what he actually wants, which is... a family. BRENNAN: So he imprinted on us? Like a baby duck? (Wyatt shrugs.) So what do we do? BOOTH: Nothing. Okay, Sweets is not a baby duck. WYATT: He wants what we all want. He wants to find out his place in the world. BRENNAN: (Looks at Booth.) We can find a permanent place for him. Right? BOOTH: Aww. Gordon-Gordon is going to want us to divulge or share or bond or something awful. WYATT: Look, perhaps you might just show the lad that he's not the only one with scars on his back. BRENNAN: But he is. (Wyatt gives her a look.) Too literal. WYATT: By the way, what I'm making here, this is the masterpiece that got me accepted into the Culinary Institute. All right? But it doesn't keep. So, uh, be back in an hour, yeah? BOOTH: Let's go. BRENNAN: But where are we going? BOOTH: Duck hunting. Come on. BRENNAN: Not literally. (Booth quacks.) Right? BOOTH: Come on. (Quacks again.) WYATT: (Goes to the stereo and puts Noddy Comet back on and starts dancing.) Oh! I miss you, rock and roll. I really do. (Cut to: FBI Building; Sweets' Office. Booth and Brennan enter. Sweets is sitting at a desk writing.) BRENNAN: Sweets? Hi. SWEETS: (Turns and looks at them.) What are you doing here? BOOTH: Well, uh, Gordon-Gordon is, uh, making dinner for us at my place, family-style. And, um, you're invited. SWEETS: Thank you, but I've actually got a lot of work here... BRENNAN: (Booth turns to go but turns back when Brennan starts talking.) My foster parents locked me in the trunk of a car for two days when I broke a dish. I was a very clumsy child. They warned me it would happen, but the water was so hot and the... (Tearing up) soap was so slippery. I still don't think it was fair, even though they gave me fair warning. (Voice breaking.) The water was so hot... SWEETS: No, it wasn't fair at all. It wasn't your fault. BOOTH: (Takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and holds it out to her. Whispers.) Bones, what are you doin'? BRENNAN: You said that scars on the back was a metaphor. Isn't that why we're here? To metaphorically compare scars? BOOTH: (Whispering.) I came to bring Sweets back to my place for dinner, that's all. (She takes the handkerchief.) SWEETS: Scars on the back? BRENNAN: I saw them, Sweets. SWEETS: So.. (sighs) what? You decided to just share something from your past? (Brennan nods.) That is so unlike you. BRENNAN: I still hate psychology. (Turns to Booth.) Okay. Your turn. Go. BOOTH: (Shrugs.)I came here to bring Sweets back to my place for dinner, that's all. (Brennan gives him a look.) Okay, if it wasn't for my grandfather, I probably would've killed myself when I was a kid. That's all I'm going to say on the subject matter. Understand? Are you okay, Bones? BRENNAN: Yeah, I'm fine. Here. (She folds up his handkerchief and puts it in the front pocket of his suit over his heart, pressing her hand to it. He covers her hand with his for a moment before she withdraws her hand.) BRENNAN: (To Sweets.) Why are you nodding? SWEETS: Nothing. Just... Wyatt made an observation about you two, and I think I just saw what he saw. BOOTH: You coming? BRENNAN: Booth means that we'd like it if you joined us. SWEETS: Thank you. BOOTH: Great. Here we go. Let's go. (Booth and Brennan take Sweets by an arm and walk out with him.) BRENNAN: Gordon-Gordon is making cassoulet. BOOTH: It's stew. It's bean stew. BRENNAN: Cassoulet is better than regular stew, Booth. BOOTH: Just because it's French doesn't mean it's better. SWEETS: It sounds better than stew. BRENNAN: See? BOOTH: It's stew. BRENNAN: It sounds better. BOOTH: It's stew. (The scene pans down to the cover of Sweets' manuscript. It has a handwritten title that says "Bones-The Heart of the Matter". Crossed out underneath it is "Opposites Attract: Yin and Yang in the Workplace" by Dr. Lance Sweets, PsyD, PhD)

When a skeleton is found being used as a stage prop for a black metal band in Norway, authorities call the FBI upon discovering that the man, a bassist with the stage name Mayhem, is a US citizen. The investigation into underground extreme metal bands brings to light the teams' own surprising musical preferences and a revelation about Sweets' past. Meanwhile, Dr. Gordon Wyatt is back, helping Sweets write his book on Booth and Brennan by giving him a perspective on their relationship.

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PREVIOUSLY Georgina, to Dan: The moment I met you, I've been falling for you. Chuck: Why don't you just tell Dan about her? Serena: Because she has that tape of me, and she'll use it. Chuck, to Blair: You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful. I don't want you anymore. Serena, of Chuck and Blair: Eventually the two of you are gonna have to work out your issues. Blair: What if I told you I knew where Georgina Sparks was? Chuck: I'd say let's get the bitch. Serena, in Queens: Thank God you called, I'm here looking for you right now. Where are you? Georgina, on Dan's phone: With me. Serena: What are you gonna do? Georgina: It's not what I'm gonna do, it's who I'm gonna do it with. Nate: The drugs were Dad's... Anne: Your father is facing some other charges. Bart: Would you do me the honor of being my wife? Lily, of Bart: He proposed before we left, and I'm going to say yes. Rufus: I'm sure you'll make a beautiful bride. (They kiss.) Georgina: You don't mind missing the after party? Dan: There's no place I'd rather be. (They kiss.) Gossip Girl: "And who am I? That's a secret I'll never tell. You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl." ACT ONE (Wandering Central Park, looking insane!) Serena, on voicemail: Hey, Dan. I've been trying to reach you all night. I know it's early -- or late, if you haven't slept, like me -- but um, I'm pretty sure after this message I will have officially filled your voice mail, so uh... I'm, I'm coming over. (She hails a cab.) (Waking up in bed together!) Rufus, answering phone: Hello? Lily, waking: Who is it? Rufus: Hello. Yeah, this is Rufus... Wow. I'd have to check with the guys, but I'm pretty sure we're available. Yeah, okay... Lily, sitting up: Oh my God. Rufus, hanging up: Oh my God. Lily: ...What? Rufus: I just got the call. Lincoln Hawk is hitting the road, we're opening for the Breeders. I guess that Luscious Jackson reunion didn't work out... Wait, what was your oh my God? Lily, at the curtains: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. It's day. As in, uh, as in wedding day, as in, uh... My. Wedding day. Rufus: Right. Lily: But, uh, congratulations. Rufus: Thanks. Lily: No, thank you, uh, for last night. It was, uh... Rufus: -- Amazing. (Her phone rings, he picks it up.) Rufus: It's Bart. Lily: That's what I was afraid of. Rufus: Do you want me to answer it? Lily: Do you want me to kill you? (Answering) Hello? No, I know. um... Well, that's because we're not supposed to see each other on the day of the wedding... Okay, that's fine. I'll meet you in an hour. (Rings off) I don't know what Bart wants, but I have to go, um, talk to him. Rufus: What about? Any topics in particular? Lily: Well, I'm sure I'll think of something. (Waking up in bed together!) Chuck, waking up to a smack: Ow! Blair, jumping around: Who? What? When? Where? Why? Chuck: We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must have dozed off. Blair: And you were on the floor. Chuck: Didn't want to hurt my back. Blair: Why? It's not like you ever do anything athletic. Chuck: Well, that's not entirely true, now is it? Blair: Fine. Nothing that requires you removing your scarf. Chuck: That was one time, it was chilly. Blair: Enough about the past. Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good idea. Chuck, jumping into his jacket: Well, I trust you can take it from here. I have a best man speech to write, and no time to write it. Blair: Don't worry. I can be bitch enough for both of us. Chuck: I still got the scars on my back to prove it. (She shoves him out.) You know, they say if you love something, you should set it free... Blair: Ugh. They say when you hate something, you should slam the door in its face. Chuck: I love it when you talk dirty, Blair... (She slams the door in his face.) (Jogging in the Park, drug-free!) Nate: Wow! A stint in rehab sure didn't slow you down a bit, huh? Captain: I haven't felt this good in years. Clean and sober. Lawyer's feeling great about the trial. Nate: Nice. Well, sometimes things just work out, huh? Captain: Sometimes they do. We can celebrate tonight at the wedding. Nate: When's, uh, when's Mom getting back from the Hamptons? Captain: She's not gonna make it. The landscapers royally screwed up the yard. Apparently all our shrubs look like circus bears... Nate: She's gonna miss the wedding to deal with that? Captain: That, and, uh, the leak we had in the basement. Place is a mess. Nate: I just, um, I was kinda hoping both you guys could meet Vanessa. Captain: Oh, right. Right, I forgot you had a date. Nate: Well, you and I can just hang till then... Captain: The Yankees are on today. Joba's pitching lights out right now. Nate: All right, sounds good. Captain, answering his phone: I gotta take this. It's my sponsor. Nate: Oh, sorry. Um, I'll just see you at home then? Captain, alone: Hey, it's me. Yes, yes. Everything is discussed. Don't be late, don't be early. I'll slip out right after the ceremony. Just be there, waiting. (S finally finds the loft!) Serena, kissing him: Hey. Mm. I'm sorry. I know it's early, but I couldn't sleep. I had to see you, and you're here, which means you slept here, which is a relief, but not a surprise... Georgina: Serena... Serena: -- But that is surprising. Gossip Girl: "They say love conquers all, but maybe love never met Georgina Sparks. Poor Humphrey. Looks like our resident moral compass isn't such a straight arrow after all." ACT TWO (Tension in DUMBO!) Georgina: Serena, I'm sorry. The way Dan was talking, I thought it was over... Serena, to Dan: Over? Dan: Maybe not exactly "over," but... Georgina: I should go. This is not what I had planned. Serena: No, I think it's exactly what you had planned. Dan: Serena, this is not Sarah's fault. Serena: No, it's Georgina's! Dan: Whatever. Georgina: I never meant to get in between you two, I swear. Dan: Hey, please. It's okay. Georgina: No it's not, because now she's upset. Serena, attacking: Yeah I am, you manipulative psycho bitch! Dan: Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing? Serena! Serena: You have been planning this the whole time! She's lying to you, Dan! Georgina, leaving: Goodbye, Dan. Serena: I am telling him everything. Dan: Tell me what? What is it that you need to tell me? (Later.) Serena: So my mom took me to see his parents. And after talking to them, all I wanted was to come and find you, and tell you everything. Do you hate me? Dan: No. No, no, of course not, it's ... It's just ... It's, uh, a lot. And I ... I really, really wish that you told me this sooner. Serena: No, I... I know it's my fault. I... I was just so scared. Dan: I get it. I get it. I mean, "Hey, I think I killed someone, and I'm being blackmailed by a crazy girl pretending to be someone else" doesn't quite ... roll off the tongue. Serena: But it's all over, right? I mean, we can fix this? Dan: Serena, I... Last night... Serena, standing to leave: -- It's okay. You and Georgina and Vanessa were just hanging out, and it got late, and you fell asleep. I'll see you at the wedding? (At the door.) When I told my mom not to go away with Rufus, I said it was because you and I were forever. I knew I was right. (S leaves, Dan calls B.) Blair: Hello? Dan: Blair. It's Dan... (In a big metaphorical and literal building.) Lily: Bart, darling. What is the big mystery? What are we doing here? Bart: This is the first building I ever bought. Lily: Well, it's quite impressive. You had a good eye even... Even back then. Bart: Sometimes I like to come here, just to... Feel how it felt the first time I saw it. Lily: Well, there is a comfort in revisiting the things that we loved ... when we were young. Bart: But the truth is, I'm not that young man anymore. I think maybe I've outgrown this place, and holding onto it is keeping me from moving forward with what's most important to me now. What do you think I should do? Lily: I think you should let it go. Bart: I agree. Now can you do the same for me? (Plotting with Queen B.) Georgina, on her voicemail: "Hey, it's Sarah, you know what to do." Dan: Voice mail. Blair: Okay, like we talked about. Dan: Hey, hey, it's me. D. Um, after you left, Serena and I got in a huge fight, and... And she said all this crazy stuff. I honestly don't know what to believe, but... But what I do know is I want to see you. So, uh, call me. (Hangs up.) Blair: Excellent work. She's totally calling back. Dan: This is so weird. I don't normally do plots against people. Blair: Don't worry, virgin. I'll talk you through it. (G calls back.) Right on schedule. Dan, answering: Hey. Georgina, in a towncar: Hey. I just got your message. Dan: Oh, good, good. So... Sorry about this morning with Serena. That was very awkward, to say the least. Dan: Yeah, a little bit. Last night really changed things for me. Serena and I left things kind of uncertain, so I... I think I wanna end it. I know I do. Will you meet me? Georgina: Our spot in the Park by the pond? Dan, hanging up: See you there. Georgina, to driver: We're turning around. One last battle, and the war is won. Blair: Humphrey, you are a born liar. Dan: Thanks, I think. Blair: All that stuff about last night was genius. Anything you wanna tell me? Dan: Uh, no. Like you said, just born to lie. (Their spot in the Park by the pond.) Georgina: Honestly, Dan, last night was fun, but I didn't really know what it would all mean to you. Dan: Well, I... I normally don't jump into things like that, so when I do, it means a lot. Georgina, taking his hand: Me, too. That's why I think we should be together forever... Dan: Georgina. Look, Serena told me everything. All right? And I believe her. Georgina: No, you don't understand. She was upset, and... And jealous. I'm sure she told you all kinds of things to make you think the worst of me... Dan: -- No, just stop it. Georgina: I never meant for this to happen, but it did. And I know you feel it too, I mean, how else do you explain last night? Dan: I don't know. I don't know, and I wish I could. Georgina: So you're just gonna go back to Serena like nothing happened, and just leave me all alone? Blair, appearing behind her: Oh, you're not alone, G. I'm here now, and I brought some people who really, really want to see you. I think you remember your parents? Gossip Girl: "The only thing feared by the spawn of Satan? Mom and Dad. Leave it to Blair Waldorf to know that bitches don't just happen..." Georgina: I... Gossip Girl: "...They're made, by parents even more wicked than their offspring." Georgina: Okay, I'm ... Mom, Dad, this is not what you think. You have to believe me. Blair: There, there, Georgie. It's gonna be okay... Mrs. Sparks: -- No, this time, it won't. Blair: ...Or it won't. Your parents were so worried, G! They told me everything! How you're supposed to be on the equestrian circuit, but sold your show pony for cocaine... Georgina: That was a difficult time, but I... I've put that behind me. Blair: When? When you were in rehab? It's hard to get clean when you hitchhike into town, steal a credit card and book a ticket to Ibiza. Georgina: You didn't see where they sent me, I mean, that place was awful! It was... It was in Utah! At least I lasted longer than Lohan. Mrs. Sparks: We were trying to help. Georgina: I've had enough. I have to go. Mr. Sparks: Georgina, stop. Blair, handing her a brochure for "PENANCE!": Yes. Stay, Georgina. I'll go. Oh, that reminds me. I almost forgot to leave you the information that I discussed with your parents. Georgina: What's this? Mr. Sparks: Where you're going. Mrs. Sparks: A boot camp for troubled girls. Mr. Sparks: Blair was kind enough to do some research. Blair, whispering: Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here. (Brightly.) Have fun at reform school! ACT THREE (The Humphrey Men of DUMBO.) Dan: So how long you gonna be on the road? Rufus: Well, I'll get the details. We'll figure it all out. But it's kinda cool, right? Dan: Oh, it's very cool. Rufus: Affirmation from my son. This is an historic moment. Dan: Well, last night must have been pretty historic as well, considering when I came home, you hadn't. Rufus: Yeah, last night was pretty special. Dan: I'm sorry I skipped out early, by the way, Dad. I... I'd love to hear all about it, but I have a... Uh, a wedding. The wedding. Rufus: Right. The wedding. Of course. So it's, uh, it's happening. Dan: Yeah. Yeah, Dad. It is. (Standing.) Serena told me something about you and Lily. I... I don't understand it fully, but the reason Lily stayed away is because Serena asked her to. Rufus, leaving: ...Thanks, Dan. That's, uh... Well, just thanks. (V and Little J enter to show Dan V in the hideous dress Jenny just made.) Jenny: Check out my latest creation. What do you think? Dan: You clean up nice, Abrams. (Not really. She grins sweetly anyway.) (Blair gets out of a car in an even more hideous dress and enters the wedding, which is all a-bustle. Chuck is being thoughtful.) Blair: Best man speech going that well? Chuck: There won't be a dry eye in the house. Trust me. How did things go with Whorgina? Blair: Not a dry eye there either. Chuck: Good to know I wasn't missed. Blair: Dan Humphrey actually lent a hand, it was nice to see him get his dirty for once. Not sure how much fun he had, though. Chuck: No one ever enjoys their first time. Except you. () Save me a dance? Blair, grabbing his throat: Now that Georgina is done, so are you and I. She was the last thing we had in common. (Kicking him in the shin and bouncing.) Break a leg. Chuck: I think I just did... (In front, while Eric deals with the wedding planner, the Archibalds arrive.) Captain: There he is. Best man ready to do his Dad proud? Chuck: Captain, good to see you. ...Nate. (Nate stares angrily at Chuck.) Captain: Clearly, I missed something when I was away. Little advice, fellas? You've been friends a long time. Whoever she is, she's not worth it. Chuck: Couldn't agree more. Nate: That's the problem. (Upstairs, B locates S for an impromptu pre-wedding ugly dress party.) Serena: Hey. Blair: Hey. How go the prenuptials? Serena: Well, my Mom's done this enough times. You'd think she'd be a pro by now, but I don't know. Her heart doesn't really seem in it. Blair: You think this will be us in twenty years, onto our fourth husbands? Serena: A girl can dream. Blair: Speaking of true love... Dan isn't here? Serena: He's coming. Blair: So all is forgiven? Serena: I'm working on it... Blair: What do you have to work on? He's the one that has to forgive you. Serena: Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm working on. (The Captain meets Dealer across the street from a huge society wedding in plain sight.) Captain: You were supposed to get here during the reception so no one would know I was gone. You don't exactly blend in, you know? Dealer: You gonna pay me or not? Captain: Here. Dealer: Good-bye. (Chuck notes the deal and calls an usher over.) Chuck: Do me a favor and keep an eye on Mr. Archibald. (Lily, in her wedding gown, gulps white wine and puts on her diamond bracelet.) Rufus, appearing: Need a hand with that? ACT FOUR Lily: Rufus, what are you doing here? I thought we had security. Rufus: You want them to throw me out? Lily: Well, I'd like the option, considering how much I'm paying them. Rufus, attaching her bracelet: So you want me to leave? Lily: I didn't say that. Rufus: Do you want me to call off this wedding? And if you so much as nod yes, I will go out there and I will tell your fianc and your guests they have go home. Lily, charmed: I didn't say that either. Rufus: We can figure this out. Lily: -- How can we? It's been twenty years, and I don't think this is the moment to hash out the details. Look, we've already had the morning after today, what's gonna happen tomorrow morning? Rufus: Lil, I just got a divorce. I don't wanna get married again, at least, not right away. Lily, standing with her wine: But I do. I've been alone for quite a while now, and you know what? It's hard. And I love Bart. Not just because he has money -- I have enough money. Not that you can ever have enough money, but... I'm rambling. And I'm nervous, and ... You make me nervous. Rufus: That's a good thing, right? Lily: There are just too many questions, too many. What about Dan and Serena? Rufus: Whatever their feelings are for each other, if we're standing here twenty years in the making... Lily: Yeah, those twenty years... They have to count for something, don't they? Rufus: I think they count for everything. (At the altar.) Eric: Where's my Mom? Shouldn't we be saying vows around now? Bart: Your mother is a wonderful woman, Eric, but being on time? Not a strong suit. (Dan and Vanessa arrive.) Vanessa: Let's pray Lily is as slow getting dressed as you are. Dan: You said you knew how to make a tie. Vanessa: How would I know how to make a tie? Dan: I hope Serena doesn't kill me. Vanessa: For being a few minutes late to her Mom's wedding? Dan: Well, that... Amongst other things. I really have to talk to her. Vanessa: Let me guess, Georgina? Dan: I thought if I confronted her, it would make things better. Vanessa: But it didn't, and now... Dan: I have to tell her. Vanessa, spotting S: No time like the present. I... I'm gonna find my seat, okay? Serena: Hey. Dan: Hey. Hey. I have to talk to you. Serena: I can't. I have to go. Dan: No, it... It can't wait. It's about Georgina. Serena: Dan, it's okay. I don't wanna know. Dan: No, you need to. I didn't sleep with her. Serena, relieved: Oh. Well then... Dan: But... I may as well have. Planner, approaching: Serena, there you are. Come. Yeah? Come, come, come. Serena, freaked: I have to go... (Rufus and Lily step out into the hall.) Rufus: And here we go. Are you sure about this? Lily: Ask me again, and I'll change my mind. Rufus, taking her hand: I love you, Lily. Lily: I love you, too, Rufus. Rufus: ...And have a great wedding. And try not to trip or anything. Lily, stepping out: Oh! I can't believe you put that in my mind. ...Well, luckily I have done this before. (Vanessa finds her seat.) Nate, hugging her: Hey! Blair, gawking: Oh! How rude! Can you believe how late she is? (Sad Serena leads the walk up the aisle in her hideous dress, followed by Lily. Bart is happy but stoic as usual. Chuck squeezes Bart's arm awesomely. Eric is sad.) Gossip Girl, speaking along with the reverend: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the face of this company to watch this man (Dan) and this woman (Serena) ... totally eff things up. Excuse me while I pull out a hankie and pass it to S and D. Looks like I'm not the only one who cries at weddings..." [SCENE_BREAK] ACT FIVE (Reception: Lily is bored; at another table, S picks at her food.) Dan: How's your food? Serena: Good. Thanks. Dan: I was being sarcastic. You haven't eaten a bite. Let's go somewhere quiet. We can talk. Serena, leaving: Excuse me. I need some air. (The usher-waiter from earlier whispers to Chuck at Bart and Lily's table.) Chuck: You sure? (Breathes; to Bart.) I'll be right back. Chuck, at Nate's table with V: I need to talk to you. Your father's leaving. Nate: He just stepped out to call my Mom. Vanessa: Everything okay? Nate: Yes. Chuck: -- No. (N takes C aside.) Chuck: He just asked to have his car brought around. Nate: He probably left his phone in it! Chuck: Before the ceremony, I saw him with a guy, doing a deal. It looked like drugs. Nate: My father is clean, Chuck. I don't need you spying on him... Chuck: -- Look, I know you hate me. I was in love with Blair, and I'm sorry. We do not have time to argue about this. (Nate decides he's telling the truth and leaves; Chuck follows; V is all WTF at the table.) (Outside, Nate chases down the Captain's towncar.) Nate: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Stop! Stop! Stop! Dad, what the hell are you doing? Captain: I left you a note at home. Nate: Yeah? What's it say? Captain: It says I'm sorry. Nate: For what? Dad, if you've relapsed, it's okay. We'll get you help. Chuck saw you earlier... Captain, opening the envelope: I wasn't buying drugs. Nate: A passport? You're skipping town? Captain: I'm gonna be a much better father to you from Dominica than I will be from jail. Nate: No, Dad. I know you're scared, but we'll get through the trial. Captain: No we won't! I'm guilty, Nate. I'm facing twenty-five years. Nate, crying: So all this stuff about things looking good and working out, huh? Captain: Yeah. Nate: What about Mom? Captain: Who do you think's paying for the private plane? Nate: Why didn't you tell me any of this? Captain: 'Cause I didn't want you to know anything, be an accessory. This is the best thing for everyone. I need you to step up right now. Be the man of the family for your mother. Nate, walking away: It's been that for a while now. Captain, touching his shoulder: Nate... Nate, dropping him: That's for Mom. (Back at the reception, B sits down to torture V.) Blair: Looks like Nate isn't a fan of the fish... Or his date. Vanessa: Blair, I'm with Nate and you're at the singles table. Deal with it. Blair: I just feel sorry for you is all. Dating an Archibald is a tortured process. The endless supply of family drama, the fact that he never really got over Serena... Though, falling for someone who's in love with Serena, you already know how that feels, don't you? Eric: Hey, have you guys seen Chuck? It's time for his speech. Vanessa: I'll look for him. (Pointedly, to Blair.) Maybe he's with my date. Excuse me. (Outside.) Nate: So. Thank you. Chuck: It's your Dad, it's bigger than... All the other stuff. Nate, shaking his hand: I'm sorry... For all of it. Chuck: So am I. Nate: ...So you said you loved her. It's, uh... I never heard you say that before. About anyone. Chuck: Ready to go back in? Nate: I don't think I'm going back in. Just, um, tell Vanessa I ... Vanessa, appearing: -- Tell Vanessa what? (To Chuck, who leaves.) They're looking for you inside. Nate: It's a long story. Vanessa: I have time. (Nighttime. Dan approaches Serena in the empty seats from the wedding.) Dan, pushing her down: No. Hey, hey, don't... Don't run away from me. Serena: Dan, it's okay. So, you hooked up with Georgina, I kinda figured that when I saw her coming out of your bedroom this morning, but... I'm willing to let it go. I don't wanna break up with you. Dan: Maybe... Maybe I want to break up with you. Maybe I can't just let it go. You lied to me over and over. And it was easy for you. Serena: No, it wasn't easy... Dan: I got seduced by a girl pretending to be someone else, and you knew... Serena: -- But I couldn't say anything! Dan: Well, because you... You were afraid I'd find out you thought you killed someone. Serena: I was hoping you'd understand. Dan: I am the most understanding person in the world. But this? And, and, and this is not about who you used to be, your past, or who you were when we met. I mean, the only reason I was with Georgina was because yesterday morning you slept with two random guys you met in a bar. Serena: No, no, I ... I didn't. I just said that. Dan: ...How is that less crazy? Serena: Because I thought it would be easier to forgive than what I really did. (No response.) Serena: So what, Dan? We're exactly where we were at the Bass's brunch when we first started dating? I'm not who you thought I was, and you can't forgive that. Dan: I... I just think too much has happened. I don't know how to make things go back to what they were. Serena: So that's it then? It's just... Have a good summer, I'll see you back at school? Dan: I guess. Yeah. (She walks away.) (The Toast, which B watches intently.) Chuck, clinking his glass: I'd like to propose a toast. My father is someone who goes after what he wants, and Lily van der Woodsen was no exception. In typical Bass man fashion, his pursuit was direct and at times, not exactly subtle. One thing I learned from my father's courtship of Lily is the importance of perseverance. That in the face of true love, you don't just give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you to. And one thing I learned from Lily is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance. And in kind, I've watched him become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day, I hope I'll be lucky enough to find someone who will do the same for me. (Serena enters, feeling cruddy; Lily takes her hand.) Chuck: To the happy couple! (While Lily and Bart have their first dance, B approaches C in the corner.) Blair: That was quite a speech. All your hard work must have paid off. Chuck, dancing her onto the floor: That wasn't what I wrote. I was inspired in the moment. Look, I know I said some horrible things, even for me. Blair: You mean blogging to Gossip Girl about our s*x life? And comparing me to your Dad's sweaty old horse? Chuck: What's your point? Blair: What's yours? Chuck: You don't belong with Nate. Never have, never will. Blair, kissing him: ...You don't belong with anyone. (S, leaving, is weirded out by this; so much so that she runs straight into Lonelyboy.) Dan: Oh, sorry. I, uh, I'm looking for Vanessa, have you seen her? I'm trying to get out of here. Serena, hurt: No, I haven't seen her. Dan, ducking away: Okay. Planner: Serena, Dan, out on the floor. Serena: Oh no, thank you. Dan: Oh, no. No, no... Planner: The bride and groom are asking for photos. Here we go. Dan: Oh, that's not necessary. Planner, as the photographers flash again and again: Yes, it is. You're gonna want to remember this night forever, yeah? (He pushes Dan into S's arms and they dance.) Dan: I'm sorry. Serena: Just smile. Chuck, breaking the kiss: Let's take it slow this time. Do it right. Blair: Chuck Bass is a romantic. Who knew? Chuck: Well now you do. That's all that matters. (She leads him off the floor as the photogs leave D and S alone.) Serena: He's gone. You can let go now. Dan: I know. I don't want to. (She rests her temple on his forehead and they dance until they are the only couple left.) ACT SIX: ONE WEEK LATER (Jenny calls Rufus on his tourbus.) Rufus: Hey, Jen. Jenny: Ooh! Oh my God, Dad! Rufus: Well, hello to you too! Jenny: Mom's out getting bagels, Dan's at the gallery, and the mail just came. Rufus: I appreciate the play-by-play, it feel as if I'm there. Jenny: Yeah, well, uh... The letter came, from Parsons? About my internship? Rufus: What? Jenny: I don't know. I'm too scared to open it. What if I didn't get it? Rufus: What if you did? Jenny, giggling: Okay. I'm opening it. Hold my hand over the phone. Rufus: I got ya. Jenny: And... Ahh! I got it! Rufus: That's great, Jen. Does it say who it's with? Jenny: Yeah. Um, it's with... Heh. Eleanor Waldorf Designs. Rufus: Well, isn't that Blair's Mom? Jenny, chuckling and overwhelmed: Yeah. It sure is. (In B's bedroom, helping her pack.) Serena: So, Tuscany with Chuck? Sounds romantic ...Minus the Chuck part... Blair: He invited me. In his father's private plane. And I was headed to France, so... Serena: So it's worth a week with Chuck to avoid airport security? Blair, flashing some black lace garters: Oh, don't worry. I'm gonna frisk him. Serena, laughing: Oh! B, gross! Blair: What can I say? He brings out the worst in me. And weirdly, I think I bring out the best in him. He's been a perfect gentleman this whole week. Serena: Is that why you're driving yourself to the airport? Blair: He wanted to see his Dad before he left. Besides, we're taking the helicopter to Teterboro. I have to sit in the jump seat so that ... I can tell the pilot if I have any thoughts on his flying. Serena: Oh B, what's it gonna take to get you to relax? Blair, in a gross voice: Chuuuuuuuuck... Serena: Oh! God! My ears are bleeding! Make it stop! Blair, bringing it down: You gonna be okay? Alone, all summer, without your best friend, who always gets you out of trouble? Serena: Yeah. I'm... I'm looking forward to staying out of trouble for a while. Blair: ...Have you talked to Dan? Serena: No. Not since the wedding. It's for the best. For him, for me. I'm fine. (S fake-laughs; B worriedly strokes her arm.) (Bass Suite; C on the phone with N.) Chuck: Yeah, I'll be taking off soon. I wanted to catch my Dad before I left, see how the honeymoon went, catch a glimpse of a man in love. Nate: Well, why don't you just take a look in the mirror, Chuck? Taking Blair to Europe, huh? Things are getting pretty serious. Chuck: It's no big deal. My Dad's jet was going to Italy on business, Blair was going to France. So, you ... Planning to spend the summer sweating it out in Brooklyn? Nate: Uh, I think my time across the Bridge is over. Chuck: Nathaniel, what happened with you and Punky Brewster? (In the Gallery.) Dan: So tell me, what... What exactly happened with you and Man-Bangs? Vanessa, laughing: He is prettier than me, but that wasn't the problem. Dan: And so what was it then? The, uh, the whole perpetually stoned, brooding guy thing? Vanessa: I actually enjoyed the quiet. It was a nice change of pace from you. Dan: Oh. Was it his past with Serena? Vanessa: No. That's just your issue. Dan: It must've been, uh, the different worlds thing, right, one of you always feeling like a fish out of water? Vanessa: I know exactly what you're doing. Ask me enough questions about Nate, and I won't ask you about Serena. Dan: Best offense is always a strong defense. ...I, um... I'm not ready to talk about it. Her. Vanessa: Good. Then maybe it'll be quiet for thirty seconds. Dan: No, no, no, no, no. You better get used to it, Abrams. Welcome to the summer of Dan Humphrey, babbling at your ass 24/7, from dusk till dawn. Come Labor Day, you're gonna be so sick of me... Vanessa: It's been thirteen years, and I'm still not sick of you. Dan: Oh, not for lack of trying. (Back in Manhattan, S spots N on the street, talking to C.) Nate, on the phone: Vanessa's a great girl, but I have too much going on right now. All right. All right. Bye. Serena, grabbing his arm: Hey! Nate, hanging up: Hey! Serena: I was just seeing off Blair. Nate: I was just on the phone with Chuck. Serena: Blair and Chuck. Now there's a couple you can root for. Nate: Yeah, well, if they're happy, I guess I'm happy. Serena: Oh, come on, Nate. When have you ever been happy? Nate: Wow! The gloves are off today, aren't they? Serena: I am feeling frisky. You know how I get in the summer! Nate: Yeah, I do. Serena: Well, you won't have to witness any of it. I'm locking myself away in the Hamptons house. Well, it is a summer to reflect... Alone. Nate: I could not agree more. I just need to take a break away from everything and everyone. Serena: Yeah. (They take off; S turns back around.) Serena: Hey. Um, if you wanna reflect alone together, I'll be around. Nate: What are you up to now? (Bass Helipad with some ugly random boiler room guy.) Blair: Excuse me, is that the Bass helicopter? Random: No, it's not here yet. Are you on the Bass marketing team, too? Blair: No. I'm a guest of Chuck Bass. Random: If he's anything like his father, he must be...terrifying. Blair: He's not all bad. He is taking me to Tuscany. Random: That's romantic. So where is he? Blair: On his way. I had to get here early. I like the jump seat. Random: Oh. Blair: What? Random: Nothing. It's just... I like the jump seat. I have this thing about flying, and it makes me feel more... Blair: In control? Random, approvingly: Yeah. Blair: Yeah. (Bass Suite.) Bart: Who's that? Chuck, putting away his phone: Blair. I should get going, I just wanted to see you before I disappeared for the summer. I'm glad you had a good trip. Bart: I hope you have a good trip, too. You deserve it. And I must say, I'm proud of you. Chuck: Dad, my best man speech was a week ago. And it was nothing. Bart: Polite? Modest? You really are growing up. Chuck: Let's not get carried away. I plan on holding on to my youth for as long as possible. Bart: Sometimes that choice isn't up to you. Chuck: That's the best thing about Blair. She knows me, knows I'll never change. Bart: Yeah... Until you take her away to Europe on a private jet. That is gonna change everything. But that's a good thing, son. Having a real girlfriend will force you to learn about responsibility, sacrifice, being faithful... Taking into account somebody else's feelings, not just your own. Chuck, horrified: ...Feelings? Bart: All the partying and the women... You will come back from this summer a new man. Take my word for it. Chuck: ...Oh, I will. Lily, entering and laughing with Lydia Hearst: Oh! There you are. This is Amelia. She's been helping me with the apartment renovations. Bart: Great. Nice to meet you. (Chuck gets a text: "Can't wait to see u xo B." Everything slows down and the music gets intense as Bart and Lily leave, then C drops B's bouquet in the garbage and offers Amelia a single flower.) Chuck: ...Amelia. A moment? Amelia: What's this? Chuck: I was hoping we could discuss what you have planned for my room. Amelia: And who are you? Chuck: I'm Chuck Bass. (Helipad. B's sad with her phone.) Random: Everything all right? Blair, reading C's text lies: Yeah. It... It's Chuck. I guess his Dad is getting in late, and he won't be able to make the flight. But he's booking something commercial. Random: Well, I'd be willing to flip you for the jump seat. Blair, setting off with him: Bart did just get the jet reupholstered. And I do like when the ladies make you those cookies... What's ten hours? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Gossip Girl: "They say a leopard can't change his spots, but some things do change..." Gossip Girl, over Rufus back on the tourbus: "The path not taken can become a road trip..." Gossip Girl, over Jenny sewing another outfit madly: "Being grounded can lead to something groundbreaking..." Gossip Girl, over shots of S&N, D&V, and the helicopter: "And whether they're sweating it out on the sultry streets or cooling their heels in the Hamptons., no one does summer like New Yorkers. Grab your shades and your sunblock, this one looks like a scorcher. Until then, you know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl."

With her best friend Serena's life and reputation on the line, Blair decides to take matters into her own hands in dealing with the manipulative and evil Georgina Sparks. With Rufus never far from her thoughts, Lily prepares for her wedding day which is destined to be the Upper East Side's social event of the year. Serena finally pours out her heart and the truth about her past to Dan, but will it prove to be too late to save their relationship? And Chuck admits his feelings for Blair to Nate, allowing the two of them to mend their friendship. Heiress and model Lydia Hearst guest stars in the episode as Amelia, Lily's interior decorator.

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_02x22

fd_Degrassi_Next_Generation_02x22_0

In Mr. Simpson's class Sully: (On the TV announcements) And finally the dance committee is reminded that they have first period off to transform our gym into a Hawaiian surf paradise. Aloha! Mr. Simpson: Guys. Guys, your attention please. Some of you have already heard, but I have some unfortunate news. Craig Manning's father died over the weekend in a car accident. Marco: Uh Craig's okay, right? I mean he wasn't in... Mr. Simpson: He's fine, but he won't be back for the rest of term. Ashley: Um Mr. Simpson I thought that we should send flowers, so I'm taking up a collection if that's okay. Mr. Simpson: That'd be great Ashley. Thank you. Ashley: Give what you can, guys. I'll make sure Craig gets them today. (Craig walks in suddenly.) Craig: Sorry I'm late sir. (Nobody says anything.) Craig: Is something wrong? Mr. Simpson: No. No, we just um...we weren't expecting you. Craig: Not summer holidays yet! Mr. Simpson: Not yet. So uh take your seat. (Craig sits down smiling.) Mr. Simpson: Okay let's see who else is here? Aden, Auzryan- In the gymnasium Paige: Ash, uh my donation for the flower fund. Ashley: Thanks Paige. Mr. Raditch: I told you there's no pressure on having you come to ten classes. Craig: Yeah. Paige: Happy way to end such a happy year. Hazel: I know. Poor Craig. Ashley: I just wish I could do something for him you know? Terri: You can't, not really. I know firsthand. My mom, remember? Ashley: I know, but I'm gonna try. (Ashley walks over to him.) Ashley: Hey Craig how you doing? Craig: I'm fine. I mean I was going crazy at Joey's, needed to get out, so I'm here! Wow the gym looks amazing. I can't wait for the dance. Ashley: You still want to go? Craig: Yeah why wouldn't I? Paige: Well I'm making sure my year ends on a positive note. Notice anything? Hazel: I think you're getting a pimple on your nose. Paige: I went to the tanning salon yesterday. If I'm gonna win the part, I've got to look it, right? Hazel: If you're gonna win what part? Paige: Spin and me, luau king and queen. Hazel: Um this dance is open to kids all the way up to grade 11. Paige: So? Hazel: So one of them will get the crown. Paige: Not if I get all the 7s, 8s, and 9s to vote for me. In Ms. Hatzilakos' class Ms. Hatzilakos: You know I was really surprised at the results of your test. You must have studied very hard. Marco: I can't believe how well he's taking it. Jimmy: I wouldn't be that cool. Ms. Hatzilakos: Good job. I'm proud of you. (Craig shows them his test.) Jimmy: A! That's my man. Marco: Wow. That's amazing buddy. Craig: Yeah my dad actually did something worthwhile for me. He was a good study partner. Jimmy: Look we're really sorry to hear about your dad, man. Marco: Yeah. So you okay? Craig: Guys I'm fine. Hey I'm the lucky one. My dad died. I, I walked away with a scratch. Marco: I thought you weren't in the car... Craig: Friday night we're like speeding down the highway, my dad's mad and he won't slow down. Ahead there's a rig. I see it, my dad doesn't and we hit...hard. (He laughs.) Craig: Guys I was at Joey's when it happened! I had you going though. In the hallway Marco: It was like he was joking about it. Jimmy: It's not like he was. He was. Yo cafeteria boy you better hurry. You're gonna be late for work. Spinner: Yeah glad to see you still have your sense of humor. Jimmy: Yeah well you didn't get around to stealing that. Spinner: Enough already, okay? Jimmy: Gavin could you tell me about some of today's lunch specials? Spinner: Go ahead. Laugh it up, but you won't be laughing when I'm voted luau king. Marco: Okay. Guys could we just do this later? Spinner: Yeah we'll do this later. Count on it. Jimmy: *Mimicking Spinner* Oh we'll do this later. Oh okay! Marco: Okay Jimmy, give it up. He and Paige would make an amazing luau king and queen. In the cafeteria Jimmy: Just the girl I was looking for. Hazel: Oh hi. Jimmy: The dance, you still going solo? 'Cause you're not anymore. Hazel: Um okay... Jimmy: And who knows, I mean maybe we'll even walk away with the luau crown. Hazel: Paige wants that crown. Jimmy: So? It's a free country. Hazel: Yeah, but she's my best friend. Jimmy: And you've been in her shadow for how long? Isn't it time for Hazel Aden to step into the spotlight? Think about it. In the media immersion room Toby: And there you go. You're on the list. Paige: So rumor's true. Jimmy: Ah it's nothing personal Paige. There's twenty couples on this list. Paige: Yeah and only one from 9th grade. Spinner: You're splitting our vote. Jimmy: People can vote for who they want. Kendra: What does it matter anyway? Who wants to be some stupid luau thing? Toby: And that's why I love you. No! No, not love you. Just like you, a lot. Outside Mr. Manning's house (Joey and Craig drive up and go inside.) Joey: You okay? Craig: I'm going upstairs. (Craig walks upstairs and looks around crying.) At the funeral Priest: Goodness and mercy all my life shall surely follow me; And in God's house for evermore my dwelling-place shall be. Amen. The grace of our lord and the love of God be with us evermore. Amen. At this time I call on Dr. Steven Whatley, one of Albert's coworkers, to say a few words. Steven? Steven: I knew Albert Manning for almost twenty years and he was a good friend, a topnotch surgeon, an absolutely devastating squash player and a dedicated father, but if you were to ask him, his last role was the most important. Craig: Please. Steven: Albert told me time and time again how his son Craig was the greatest gift he'd ever received. A gift he cherished, a gift he never wanted to relinquish. (Craig starts laughing loudly.) Caitlin: Maybe Craig needs some air. Steven: Most of us who knew Albert knew his dedication to helping others. This was why he was a great doctor and a great surgeon. We're gonna miss him. (Craig keeps laughing as him and Joey walk outside.) Craig: Can you believe that idiot? (Mimicking) Albert Manning was a dedicated father. Joey: Craig you, you and your father had a complicated relationship. Craig: Yeah! He beat me. Not gonna do that again now, is he? I'm happy Joey. I'm really happy 'cause he's dead. 'Cause he's gone for good. [SCENE_BREAK] In the hallway Ashley: It was disturbing. The coffin's right there and Craig's laughing. Ellie: Funerals are stressful. Weird things happen. Craig: Ladies! Ellie: Hey Craig. Craig: Hey uh you ready for the Hawaiian surf paradise? Ashley: Um sure. Can't wait. (Ellie starts to take their picture.) Craig: Hey save the film for tonight when Ash and I win the luau crown. Ashley: You put us in the contest?! Craig: Yeah this is our night. Everyone's gonna know it. Ashley: Okay... Craig: Great. I gotta go clean out my locker, but I'll see you later. At the tanning salon Employee: So you get in, pull the lid down, press the start button. Spinner: Um wait. Do I really have to pull the lid down? 'Cause I'm kind of claustrophobic. Employee: If you really want to tan, yeah. (Spinner gets in and pulls the lid down.) Spinner: You can do this. Okay. Okay. (Spinner starts screaming and yelling.) Paige: What was that? (Spinner runs out into the waiting area.) Spinner: Okay Paige I can't do it. I can't. I told you I was claustrophobic. Paige: Spinner! Can I at least have my turn now? Spinner: No! I'm scared. I want to go. Paige: I'll tan my way. You tan yours, okay? (She hands him some tanning spray and the magazine she was looking at.) Employee: Follow me. At Joey's Joey: Craig? Oh you got the big dance tonight. Craig: Yeah. Oh I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed one of your old shirts. Joey: Knock yourself out. Hey listen before you go to Aruba, I wanted to uh- Craig: Hawaii. Joey: Right. Um look I hate to bring this up, but we have to go over what you're gonna say tomorrow with Children's Aid. Craig: Now? Joey: Yeah if that's okay. Craig: Um just I'm just a bit distracted, you know? Ashley, the dance...You don't think I should go, do you? Joey: No I do. I think it's great you're trying to have fun Craig, but- Craig: But what?! I'm fine. Joey: No one is fine after losing someone. I wasn't with your mom. I just think the pain is gonna catch up to you. Craig: I've got a dance to go to. At the dance Toby: Ladies and gentlemen step right up. Cast your vote for Degrassi luau king and queen. Thanks for your vote. Step right up and vote for luau king and queen. Jimmy: Aloha. Welcome to Degrassi Island. Don't forget to vote for your luau king and queen, Jimmy and Hazel. Aloha. Don't forget to vote for your luau king and queen, Jimmy and Hazel. Aloha and- (Jimmy sees Paige and Spinner and starts laughing at their tans.) Jimmy: Welcome to Degrassi Island. Paige: What are you laughing at? Your lame attempt at stealing our votes? Jimmy: Red I don't have to steal anything tonight, but hey maybe Spin can try. Spinner: Dude, like ancient history. (Paige and Spinner start dancing together.) Paige: Spin! Spin if you want to win stop doing that robot thing. (Liberty and JT toast drinks, Sean and Emma do the limbo, and Marco and Ellie are sitting together laughing while she takes pictures.) Craig: Goth luau, cool. Ashley: I thought it'd set us apart. Craig: And you know keep your dignity intact, until we start to limbo of course. Mr. Simpson: Guys! The time has come. Votes are in for the luau king and queen. Oh and uh, thanks to Toby Isaacs and Kendra Mason for all their hard work on this. And the winner is from grade 9, Ashley Kerwin and Craig Manning! (Everyone starts cheering for them as they go up and get their crowns. Craig looks out at everyone and sees his father.) Craig: Dad? Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad look. Look! Look I won! (He walks over to a teacher and taps him on the shoulder.) Craig: Sorry Mr. Boyd. I thought you were... (He starts backing away, takes off his crown and runs into the hall.) Ashley: Where have you been? They're waiting for our dance. Craig, are you okay? Craig: I'm fine. I'm just really tired. Ashley: I knew coming here was a mistake. Craig: What? Ashley: It's too soon. You should be home. Craig: Could you like revel in this any more? Miss, miss goth, miss doom and gloom! Ashley: That's not fair. I'm just concerned about you. Craig: Well I'm sick of you and everyone just being concerned. Ashley: Craig! (Craig starts ripping down the huge poster in the hallway as everyone watches, then he runs down the hall.) Mr. Raditch: Let him cool down. Everyone back in the dance. I'll check in on Craig in a minute. (Terri goes to find Craig.) Craig: What's wrong with me? Terri: Nothing. You're angry and you're sad. Craig: This was supposed to be my night. I'm with Ash for the stupid luau king and queen. Terri: When my mom died I was at my friend's birthday party. I was having a great time and then my dad came to tell me. Craig: At the party? Terri: Yeah. I was so mad. Craig: 'Cause she died. Terri: No, 'cause I couldn't play pin the tail on the donkey. Craig: That's a fun game when you're a little kid. Terri: Exactly. It wasn't until later that it hit that, that she was dead. Craig: Before my dad died I wanted him gone, so why am I crying now that he is? Terri: 'Cause you love him. (Craig starts crying, Mr. Raditch sees them in the hallway and leaves them alone.) Back in the dance Paige: I'm worried about coming in 8th place in some stupid luau contest and poor Craig is having a breakdown. Can we say shallow? Hazel: Shallow. Jimmy: Well Paige isn't the only freak. (Jimmy takes out his Kleenex and sneezes.) Spinner: Dude, what plague do you have? Jimmy: I think it's these flowers. I'm allergic to them. (He takes the lei off and tosses it aside.) Paige: At least you don't have radioactive skin or a pumpkin for a date. Jimmy: Pumpkin and the dress. Ellie: Oh losers! (She takes their picture.) Ellie: I'd say yearbook. Front cover. At the entrance of the dance, Ashley is about to leave Craig: Going somewhere? Ashley: Are you? Craig: Soon. I'm gonna go home. I think we owe everyone a dance. (He takes her hand and they start walking to the dance floor.) Craig: You can ask. (They start dancing.) Ashley: Ask what? Craig: How I'm doing. I won't go psycho. Ashley: How are you doing Craig? Craig: Better.

Paige meets Dean, a star soccer player at rival school Bardell, and the two share an instant attraction. When she blows off Spinner to hang out with Dean, she finds herself in a situation even she can't handle. Meanwhile, J.T. and Toby's failure to keep their shared locker clean strains their friendship.

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fd_Doctor_Who_1963_02x18_0

THE WEB PLANET BILL STRUTTON 5:40pm - 6:05pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The ZARBI push the DOCTOR into the centre of the room. A transparent tendril-covered tube descends from the ceiling and over the DOCTOR'S head. He stands still as a voice, feminine and full of menace, echoes out of the tube...) ANIMUS VOICE: Why do you come now? (Several feet away, IAN and VICKI watch this strange contact take place...) VICKI: The Doctor's speaking to someone. Why can't we hear what he's saying? (IAN shakes his head. The DOCTOR continues his conversation with this new entity.) DOCTOR: Who are you? We come in peace. ANIMUS VOICE: Peace? Is that why you attack? Where is your main force? DOCTOR: We are alone. We have strayed from our astral plane. ANIMUS VOICE: When will your invasion fleet arrive? What is its weaponry? DOCTOR: We are peaceful travellers from Earth. ANIMUS VOICE: You lie! You are the Menoptra. Our detectors show you are massing in space to attack. Speak! DOCTOR: I know nothing of these Menoptra. ANIMUS VOICE: We shall show you the fate which awaits all your ships, all your people. DOCTOR: Please listen to me... (The tube rises back into the ceiling.) DOCTOR: I have not finished my explanation ... (The ZARBI push the DOCTOR back to stand with IAN and VICKI. A larvae gun stands guard over them.) DOCTOR: Stand still! (On the other side of the room, a tendril rises from the wall and aims at the TARDIS.) IAN: Look at that, Doctor. (The tendril, a light at its end, fires a shot at the ship. There is an explosion on the wall and the ZARBI and the larvae gun rush round in a panic through the smoke filled room.) VICKI: Look at them! Look at them! IAN: What's happened? DOCTOR: (Pointing at the TARDIS.) It's unbelievable! Unbelievable! (To VICKI.) What did you do in the ship, child? What controls did you touch? VICKI: Well, I...I got thrown against the control panel and I just pressed any switches I could see. It...it suddenly became alive! I couldn't help it. DOCTOR: You have performed a miracle, my dear. You have re-aligned the fluid link - the power is back! IAN: If only Barbara were here, we could go. (The DOCTOR motions for IAN to be silent. He then walks into the centre of the room in triumph and speaks out to their captor.) DOCTOR: Trying to destroy my ship? You will achieve nothing - nothing! I have great secrets in my ship. We could help you. [SCENE_BREAK] 2: EXT. VORTIS (VESTRIN, fleeing from the ZARBI arrives at a cliff edge overlooking the Carsenome. The chirruping of the ZARBI is heard and the Menoptra flaps its wings and rises quickly into the air. Two ZARBI run on to the cliff edge but their quarry has eluded them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 3: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The communications tube has again descended and the DOCTOR is once again in verbal conflict with their unseen enemy.) ANIMUS VOICE: If your ship is proof against our weapons, remember you are not. Tell us the secret of its armour. DOCTOR: Impossible. I cannot tell you why my ship withstood the fire of that gun unless you tell me the principle it's built on. ANIMUS VOICE: You demand my secrets? Yield yours. (VICKI and IAN watch these proceedings...) VICKI: What do you think the Doctor is saying? IAN: I don't know. I hope he's asking where Barbara is. (The battle of wills continues...) ANIMUS VOICE: The great secrets you speak of in your ship must be used against the invaders. In return, I offer you your freedom. DOCTOR: Where is the fourth member of our party? Mmm? Well? ANIMUS VOICE: She has been taken to the Crater of Needles beyond my great web. Will your secrets look into the stars? DOCTOR: I don't know what you mean, but I have an astral map, if that answers your question. ANIMUS VOICE: Will it show where the Menoptra are massing, where they will land? DOCTOR: I see. So it's the Menoptra that are invading your planet, hmm? ANIMUS VOICE: Somewhere in space, beyond the range of our locators, they are grouping. They scatter false trails to mislead us. Their numbers are great. I am aware...only of movement. DOCTOR: And you are not aware of their position? ANIMUS VOICE: This... you must do. DOCTOR: I shall need assistance. ANIMUS VOICE: Bring your astral map out of your ship. DOCTOR: I shall need help even to do that. (The tube rises back into the ceiling. ZARBI scuttle round obeying commands from their controller. The DOCTOR walks over to IAN and VICKI.) DOCTOR: Now it is their turn to receive instructions. IAN: Well, tell us Doctor, what happened? DOCTOR: Let us go back into the TARDIS. (The three walk toward the ship, but before they can go many paces, one ZARBI holds VICKI, last in line, back from her companions.) VICKI: I think they must want to keep me here as a hostage. You go in. I'll be all right. (Unhappily, the two men go towards the TARDIS.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE (A ZARBI returns from the search for VESTRIN and enters the Carsenome. Behind the giant ant, VESTRIN comes into view. The Menoptra has found the entrance to the lair of the ZARBI.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (VICKI bravely stands her ground watched over by her ZARBI guard.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (IAN, his face still blistered, sits down in the alcove and gets his breath back in the oxygen rich atmosphere of the TARDIS.) IAN: Hah...well, that's easier. No message from Barbara. Nothing. DOCTOR: (Getting his breath.) I'm just beginning to relax, my boy. IAN: Yes, you think that kid'll be all right out there? DOCTOR: Er, yes, I think so. (He looks at IAN'S blisters.) Yes, I must do something about this face of yours. (The DOCTOR goes over to a cupboard.) IAN: Those...beasties are keeping their distance this time. (The DOCTOR returns with a small bottle.) DOCTOR: Yes, it seems they've learned their lesson. Here, dab some of that on your face. (Points.) There's some cotton wool there. IAN: Thanks. (IAN takes some cotton wool off the unit that BARBARA was tidying earlier. He dabs the ointment on his face.) IAN: What do you think they are, Doctor? Those things out there? (The DOCTOR is opening a small packet of pills. He takes one.) DOCTOR: Well, to use the term of...Earth, I suppose we should call them - insects. IAN: Ants? DOCTOR: Hmm, hmm. IAN: (Perturbed.) I've seen a colony of ants eat their way right through a house. That size, they could eat their way through a mountain. Why are they that big? DOCTOR: Size is only relative. In this rarified atmosphere, it appears that evolution has...chosen that particular form of life on this planet. IAN: Ants. DOCTOR: Yes... IAN: So relentless, indestructible. What are we going to do? Have you got any ideas? DOCTOR: Well, it's this voice. It's this, this, this, this, this Queen of the ants, you might say. If I can only trick her...into neutralising this section of this area...I want you to try and track down Barbara, hmm? IAN: Well, all right. Did you find out where she was? DOCTOR: Well, it has something to do with this...Crater of Needles. IAN: Crater of Needles? Where's that? DOCTOR: The only clue I can give you, dear boy, it's behind a great web. IAN: (Sighing.) That's not much help, is it? DOCTOR: No, it isn't. Come on, give me a hand. (The DOCTOR crosses to the wall and starts pulling at a large machine. On a stand with casters, it has six panels at chest level, each of which depicts a section of space. Beneath these panels are controls. The DOCTOR stops and passes IAN the tube of pills.) DOCTOR: Oh, and by the way, I want you to take a couple of these. They'll be very good for your breathing in this rarified atmosphere. IAN: Oh, what about Barbara and Vicki? DOCTOR: You leave Vicki to me, but when you o finally catch up with Barbara, see that she takes some. She's probably had the same experience with breathing as we have. IAN: Mmm. Hold on a minute... (IAN reaches down to un-plug a cable that connects machine to a wall socket.) DOCTOR: No no no no, don't unplug it. You must never do that. You must never break the time and relative dimension link. Come on. (They wheel the astral map outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The ZARBI scuttle forward to examine the machine with interest. The DOCTOR waves them away. IAN crosses to VICKI.) IAN: Don't worry, Vicki. The Doctor's got something up his sleeve. (The DOCTOR makes a pretence of trying to activate the map.) DOCTOR: Argh, it's useless, it's useless! Er, wait. Come along, put me through, will you? (The DOCTOR crosses to the centre of the room and waves at the ceiling.) DOCTOR: Come along, drop this...hairdryer, or whatever it is! (The tube descends over the DOCTOR'S head.) ANIMUS VOICE: You have the information? DOCTOR: No, good gracious me, no. Some kind of force of yours has jammed my instruments and whilst it continues, I cannot use them. ANIMUS VOICE: I cannot suspend my functions for your experiments. DOCTOR: (Snaps.) Very well, very well, take this thing away. I'm afraid we can't help you to locate your invader. (There is a pause whilst the ANIMUS considers, then...) ANIMUS VOICE: I will withhold certain forces near your instruments. If you take advantage of this, you will die. (The tube rises. As the DOCTOR crosses back to IAN and VICKI, the ZARBI sink to the ground and are still.) DOCTOR: Well, it appears, my boy, they've obliged. They've neutralised and completely immobilised this section. IAN: There's one way to make sure, Doctor. (IAN waves his hands in front of one of the ZARBI. It does not react. He makes for the exit from the room. Suddenly, the ZARBI rises...) VICKI: Ian! (IAN stops and watches as the creature turns and sinks back down.) IAN: You've done it! DOCTOR: It's time you left. IAN: Yes. VICKI: Where are you going? IAN: I'm gonna find Barbara. Now, you look after the Doctor. I'll be back. (He runs off. VICKI looks after him with concern on her face.) DOCTOR: Now, come along, cheer up, cheer up, my child. It's all right. (He reaches into his pocket.) Yes, here, have a piece of chocolate. There you are. VICKI: I don't feel like that now. DOCTOR: Oh, come, come, come, come. You don't have to worry about him. He's very good at this sort of thing. (The DOCTOR turns away.) Yes, he'll be back, he'll be back. (However, his face betrays his true feelings of concern...) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR (IAN runs down the tendril covered organic walls of the Carsenome. Trying to find a way out of this maze, he dives into hiding as two ZARBI scuttle by.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (VICKI watches as the DOCTOR activates the controls of the astral map.) VICKI: What are you doing, Doctor? DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, I'm trying to discover...a little more about this invasion fleet, my child. The more we know, the safer it will be for us. (The DOCTOR re-tunes more controls. Suddenly, a voice is heard above the sound of static.) FIRST MENOPTRA VOICE: Advance units, rendezvous. VICKI: Is that the Menoptra speaking? DOCTOR: I've just turned up this booster, wait a minute. FIRST MENOPTRA VOICE: Menop pathfinder to leader one. Range to Vortis - One-four-O. DOCTOR: Just, just turn up the recorder. (VICKI does as requested.) SECOND MENOPTRA VOICE: Leader to spearhead - lock course on bearing two-six-five. Speed - point O-one. We've jettisoned craft at altitude five above Crater of Needles. Individual descent to Sayo plateau, north of the crater. (The sound dies down...) DOCTOR: Did you understand any of that, hmm? VICKI: Crater of Needles! DOCTOR: Yes. VICKI: Or something. DOCTOR: That's where they've taken Barbara! [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR (IAN is still trying to find a way out of the Carsenome. As he turns a corner, he finds that he is behind a ZARBI that is on guard. IAN tries to sneak past it but it hears him and turns and knocks him down. IAN kicks back at it, jumps up and, after a struggle, pushes it to the ground. IAN dives down another passage but it is a dead end and a door swings to. An alarm blares out...) [SCENE_BREAK] 11: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The alarm also sounds in the control room as one of the walls bursts into life with flashing lights. The ZARBI jump up and scuttle round.) DOCTOR: It sounds as though we're under attack, my dear. VICKI: It's Ian! I know it is! They've caught him! [SCENE_BREAK] 12: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR (As IAN runs back the way he came, another wall swings down, trapping him inside. More ZARBI arrive, together with a larvae gun, joining their toppled and twitching companion.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (The DOCTOR and VICKI watch the commotion in the control room. One ZARBI rears up at them , then shoots away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: INT. CARSENOME. CORRIDOR (IAN looks for a way out of his prison. The ZARBI direct a larvae gun towards the wall. It fires at the wall but IAN ducks back and the shot blasts open not only the first wall but also the wall opposite - freeing IAN. He takes the opportunity and runs. The ZARBI and the larvae gun follow...) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: EXT. CARSENOME ENTRANCE (VESTRIN shoots out of the sky and lands near IAN who, not surprisingly, runs off as fast he can. The ZARBI and their larvae gun run past in another direction...) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: INT. CARSENOME. CONTROL ROOM (VICKI has been subdued by one of the gold wishbone-shaped necklaces. She stands motionless and subdued, guarded by a ZARBI, as the DOCTOR communicates once again with the ANIMUS under the tendril tube...) ANIMUS VOICE: You have tried to escape - why? DOCTOR: I am still here. ANIMUS VOICE: Where is the third? DOCTOR: Why question me? Surely you can see our movements? ANIMUS VOICE: You will no longer be trusted. DOCTOR: Were we ever? Hmm? ANIMUS VOICE: I can kill you all. DOCTOR: Yes, you can, but to what end? The information I have will die with me. ANIMUS VOICE: Information? Of the Menoptra invasion? Speak! DOCTOR: I am still collating the various readings of my instruments. ANIMUS VOICE: You lie! It is another of your tricks. DOCTOR: That is for you to decide. Am I really lying...or do I possess this information? Hmm? (The tube rises. The DOCTOR walks over to VICKI and signals to the ZARBI to take the necklace off her shoulders.) DOCTOR: Away! (The ZARBI does so. VICKI awakens and the DOCTOR grabs her.) VICKI: Oh! Oh, Doctor! That thing made me...go to sleep. DOCTOR: Yes, I know my dear, I know. I think I've, erm, earned...us a little breathing space. VICKI: What did you tell them? (A ZARBI comes close.) DOCTOR: Nothing, nothing! VICKI: Are you going to tell them about the Menoptra? DOCTOR: Just about as much as I ever want to, we'll see. Come, let's, er...let's look busy. I...I want you to look into the ship and bring me back a little red box and in it is a recording compound. You'll find it on the left near the first aid kit. Go at once and come back immediately. [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM (VICKI enters the console room. In the alcove, she picks up the box described by the DOCTOR and goes back outside.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. CARSENOME. CONSOLE ROOM (She brings the box to the DOCTOR who is at the astral map.) VICKI: Is this it, Doctor? DOCTOR: (Tuts.) Oh, I said a white box, child! VICKI: You... DOCTOR: You never think! This is one of my specimens, look. (The DOCTOR takes a small glass case out of the box. In it is a preserved spider.) VICKI: Eeuuhh! DOCTOR: Now, take it back. (VICKI takes the box back to the ship. The lid of the box is open revealing the specimen case inside it. A ZARBI comes up to investigate, sees the spider and jumps back in alarm. VICKI approaches the quivering creature with the glass case.) VICKI: Doctor, look! It's frightened. I'm sure it is. It's frightened! (The DOCTOR comes forward to investigate this new development.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: EXT. VORTIS (IAN has made more friendly contact with VESTRIN and they now rest on a cliff edge observing the Carsenome below. IAN turns and lies down with a groan. VRESTIN speaks to him but has trouble pronouncing his name.) MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Heron? Do you still intend to go to the Crater of Needles? IAN: Yes, I do. MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Many of my friends are enslaved there. They tear off our wings so that we may not escape. IAN: What do you expect when you invade a planet? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Invade a planet? Vortis is ours. We, the Menoptra, are re-claiming it. (IAN sits up at this...) IAN: Vortis is your planet? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Of course. (They are interrupted by the chirruping sound of a ZARBI. They see it below going back into the Carsenome.) MENOPTRA VESTRIN: They are returning to the Carsenome. They do not search for long. IAN: Those things invaded your planet? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: You do not know our story? IAN: No, I don't. Tell me. MENOPTRA VESTRIN: The Zarbi are not an intelligent species. But they were essential to the life pattern here. We lived at peace with them, until they were made militant by the dark power. IAN: Dark power? What's that? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: The Animus. At that time, the Carsenome appeared. It grew like a fungus. We had no weapons. We had not had the need. And by the time we sensed the danger, the Zarbi were too strong. IAN: So you left the planet? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: We had no choice. IAN: Where did you go? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: (Pointing at the sky.) At that time, these strange moons appeared. One of them became our home, those of us who could reach it. IAN: Can you live up there? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: It is a dim, half-world and our wings grow weaker. We must return to Vortis, for when the Carsenome encircles the planet, it will be too late. IAN: So now you're ready to attack? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: No. We are not ready, but we must try. IAN: I see. And what's your part in all this? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Three of us were sent here to prepare the way for the invasion force. Now, I am alone. I do not know... IAN: What happened to the other two? (VRESTIN makes a noise that sounds like a cry.) IAN: They were killed? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: One is dead. The other was taken to the Cra... IAN: (Interrupting.) Crater of Needles. MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Friend Harbara? IAN: Yes, like friend Barbara. Vrestin, we've both lost friends, come with me to the Crater. You know the country. We can collect your friend and mine. MENOPTRA VESTRIN: There are many of my friends in the Crater of Needles. IAN: All the more reason to go. MENOPTRA VESTRIN: (Pausing to consider.) Yes Heron. We will do as you say. IAN: Good. Come on then. (They leave...) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: EXT. VORTIS (VESTRIN leads IAN to a plain of rocks...) MENOPTRA VESTRIN: That is the way to the Crater of Needles. IAN: How far? MENOPTRA VESTRIN: You cannot fly? (IAN shakes his head.) It will take two hours. (Nearby ZARBI rise from behind rocks.) IAN: Vrestin, quick! This way! (IAN leads VRESTIN along a ledge against a cliff face. More ZARBI and a larvae gun approach. IAN sees a cleft in the rock.) IAN: Vrestin! Quick! In here! (IAN pushes VRESTIN in first. As he is about to follow, VRESTIN calls out from within the cleft...) MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Get back! The ground's giving way! IAN: Here! Take hold of my hand! MENOPTRA VESTRIN: Let go! You'll be pulled down with me! (IAN takes no heed of this advice and is pulled into the cleft as the roof collapses. The ZARBI and their gun arrive at the cleft but there is no sign of the two escapees...)

On the planet Vortis, the Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Vicki are swept up in the struggles of the butterfly-like Menoptera, the original denizens of Vortis who were forced to flee the planet for the moon Pictos to escape the encroaching web of the Animus and its mind-controlled minions, the ant-like Zarbi and their living weapons, the larvae guns.

fd_FRIENDS_05x08

fd_FRIENDS_05x08_0

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone has just finished Thanksgiving dinner and are groaning over their fullness.] Rachel: Oh Monica that was the best Thanksgiving dinner ever! I think you killed us. Ross: I couldn't possibly eat another bite. Joey: I need something sweet. Phoebe: Does anyone wanna watch TV? All: Yeah, sure. (She starts pushing the power button on the remote, but it's not facing the TV so it doesn't work.) Phoebe: Monica your remote doesn't work. Monica: Phoebe, you have to lift it and point. Phoebe: Oh. Aw, forget it. Rachel: Yeah, you know what we should all do? We should play that game where everyone says one thing that they're thankful for. Joey: Ooh-ooh, I! I am thankful for this beautiful fall we've been having. Monica: That's very nice. Chandler: That's sweet, Joey. Joey: Yeah, the other day I was at the bus-stop and this lovely fall breeze came in out of nowhere and blew this chick's skirt right up. Oh! Which reminds me, I'm also thankful for thongs. (Note: Actually, I think every guy is thankful for thongs. That and spandex. J ) Opening Credits [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier. Joey is talking about the wonder that is the thong.] Joey: I mean, it's not so much an underpant as it is a feat of engineering. I mean, it's amazing how much they can do with so little material! And the way they play with your mind! Is it there? Is it not there? Chandler: Are you aware that you're still talking? Monica: Is anyone thankful for anything else besides a thong? Ross: Huh, I don't know what to pick. Am I more thankful for my divorce or my eviction? Hmm. Phoebe: Wow! See, and I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything. Ross: I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever. Chandler: No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me. Rachel: Oh, you're not gonna tell the whole story about how your parents got divorced again are you? Ross: Oh God, no. Joey: Oh, come on! I wanna hear it! It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Chandler bumming us out! Chandler: It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family. (And with that, we start a series of flashbacks to Thanksgiving's of years gone by.) Thanksgiving 1978 [Scene: The Bing household, Mr. and Mrs. Bing and Young Chandler are eating Thanksgiving dinner as a housekeeper serves them.] Mrs. Bing: Now Chandler dear, just because your father and I are getting a divorce it doesn't mean we don't love you. It just means he would rather sleep with the house-boy than me. The Housekeeper: More turkey Mr. Chandler? (And he makes eyes at him.) Present Day [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] Ross: You're right. Yours is worse. You are the king of bad Thanksgivings. Phoebe: I don't know about that. I've got one that's worse. Chandler: Really? Worse than, "More turkey Mr. Chandler?" Phoebe: Oh, did the little rich boy have a problem with the butler? Yes, mine's worse! Thanksgiving 1862 [Scene: A Union battlefield hospital, Phoebe, in a past life, is tending to a wounded Union soldier. (By the way, for historical perspective, 1862 was the second year of the American Civil War.)] Past Life Phoebe: More bandages! More bandages! Please, can I get some more bandages in here! This man is dying-(She is cut off by an exploding shell just outside the tent. When the smoke clears, she's missing an arm and the blood is pumping out like you'd see in a horror movie. And upon seeing her condition, she says...) Oh no. Present Day [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] Ross: In this life, Phoebe. Phoebe: Oh, this life! Oh okay no, Chandler's is worse. Joey: Man, it must be so cool remembering stuff like that! I don't have any past life memories. Phoebe: Of course you don't sweetie. You're brand new. Rachel: I know Monica's worst Thanksgiving. Monica: Oh, let's not tell this story. All: Oh, come on! Phoebe: Oh no, I know! I know! It's the one where Joey got Monica's turkey stuck on his head! Rachel: What?! Joey got a turkey stuck on his head?! Joey: Hey, it's not like it sounds. Chandler: It's exactly like it sounds. Thanksgiving 1992 [Scene: Monica and Phoebe's, Phoebe is entering.] Joey: (muffled) Hello? Phoebe: (surprised) Hello? Joey: Phoebe? Phoebe: Joey? What's going on? Joey: Look. (He walks out of the bathroom with his head stuck in a huge turkey.) Phoebe: Oh my God! Joey: I know! It's stuck!!! Phoebe: (walks him to the kitchen) Easy. Step. How did it get on? Joey: I put it on to scare Chandler! Phoebe: Oh my God! Monica's gonna totally freak out! Joey: Well then help me get it off! Plus, it smells really bad in here. Phoebe: Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal. (They hear Monica trying to unlock the door. So Phoebe quickly pushes his head down onto the table to make it look like the turkey is just sitting on a platter and not stuck on Joey's head.) Monica: (entering) Hey! Phoebe: Hey! Monica: Hey, did you get the turkey basted-Oh my God! Oh my God! (She sees someone is stuck in the turkey.) Who is that? Joey: It's Joey. Monica: What-what are you doing? Is this supposed to be funny? Phoebe: No, it's not supposed to be funny, it's supposed to be scary. Monica: Well, get it off now! Joey: I can't! It-it's stuck! Monica: Well, I don't care! That-that turkey has to feed 20 people at my parent's house and they're not gonna eat it off your head! Phoebe: All right, hold on! Okay, let's just all think. (They all start thinking. Joey starts rubbing his chin, of course his chin is currently inside the turkey so he ends up rubbing the turkey. And I didn't do that joke one bit of justice. It's one of those you have to see it to get it jokes.) Monica: Okay, I got it. Phoebe? All right, you pull. I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can. (Joey starts giggling.) Joey? Now is not the time! Joey: Sorry! Sorry. (They get into position to pull the turkey off.) Monica: Okay, count to three. 1. 2. 3! (They both pull but Joey slips out and starts to fall backwards just as Chandler enters, scaring him.) Chandler: Arghhhhhh!! (Joey turns around to taunt him, but Chandler is in the doorway and Joey is facing the kitchen.) Joey: (pointing) It worked! I scared ya, I knew it! Ha-ha! Chandler: I'm over here big guy. Joey: (turning all the way around, and still not facing Chandler) Yeah, you are! (Starts dancing.) I scared you! Present Day [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.] Chandler: (laughing) You did look like an idiot. Joey: Hey, I wasn't the only one who looked like an idiot. All right? Remember when Ross tried to say, "Butternut squash?" And it came out, "Squatternut buash?" Ross: Yeah that's the same. Monica: That's it. That's my worse Thanksgiving. Phoebe: Oh wait! That can't be the one Rachel's talking about. She didn't even know that happened. So which one was it? All: Which one? Monica: Umm, I-I really don't want to tell this story. Chandler: Oh, come on Monica, reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about. Y'know, for me anyway. And of course, the Indians. Monica: Look umm, of all people, you do not want me to tell this story! Thanksgiving 1987 [Scene: The Geller household, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. The doorbell rings.] Mrs. Geller: Monica! I think Rachel's here! Monica: I'll get it! (She runs in, and she's her old fat self like The One With The Prom Video. Not only that, she's out of breath after running a short distance. She goes over and opens the door to reveal Rachel with her old nose.) Happy Thanksgiving! Big Nosed Rachel: Not for me. Chip and I broke up! Fat Monica: Oh, why? Why? What happened? Big Nosed Rachel: Well, you know that my parents are out of town and Chip was going to come over... Fat Monica: Yeah, yeah, and you were going him y'know, your flower. Big Nosed Rachel: Okay, Monica, can you just call it s*x?! It really creeps me out when you call it that! Okay, and by the way, while we're at it, a guy's thing is not called his tenderness. Believe me! (Walks into the living room and greets Monica's parents.) Hi! Mr. Geller: Hi Rachel! Big Nosed Rachel: Happy Thanksgiving! Mrs. Geller: You too sweethart! Ross: (entering) Hey! (He brought home Chandler for Thanksgiving. Chandler is sporting the very popular Flock of Seagulls haircut. Yeah, it's another you have to see it to believe it kinda thing.) Mr. Geller: Oh my! Ross: Uh, everyone, this is Chandler! My roommate and lead singer of our band! Fat Monica: Ross! (Wanting to be introduced.) Ross: Oh, this is Monica. Fat Monica: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister. Chandler: (seeing her) Okay. Mrs. Geller: I'm so glad you could come Chandler, we've got plenty of food so I hope you're hungry. Ross: Oh, mom. Mom. Chandler hates Thanksgiving and doesn't eat any Thanksgiving food. Mrs. Geller: Oh, well, I'm so glad you brought him here then. Fat Monica: Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner. Chandler: Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in. (As she is drinking, Monica laughs and Chandler's joke and Diet Coke comes out of her nose.) Fat Monica: dammit! (Runs off.) (Ross points out Rachel to Chandler and goes over to talk to her. Rachel is checking out her nose in her compact mirror.) Ross: So uh, Rach? Does it, does it feel weird around here now? Y'know since I've been away at college. Big Nosed Rachel: Oh! No, not really. Ross: Well, that's cool. So did... (She walks away from him and he shuts up.) (Rachel wanders into the kitchen where Monica is making Chandler's dinner.) Big Nosed Rachel: Ugh! I cannot believe Chip dumped me for that slut Nancy Branson. I am never going out with him again. I don't care how much he begs! Fat Monica: I think his begging days are over now that he's going out with Nancy Branson. Big Nosed Rachel: Y'know what? I've just had it with high school boys! They are just silly. (Ross is overhearing this.) Silly, stupid boys! I'm going to start dating men! Ross: Umm, I'm sorry Judy, I couldn't find that bowl that you and Jack were looking for. Fat Monica: Call them mom and dad you loser! Ross: (in a high pitched voice) Monica! [Time lapse, dinner has finished and Chandler is sitting on the couch eating some pie. Monica sits down beside him, and he gets pushed up a little by the wave she makes in the couch.] Fat Monica: Hey Chandler! Did you like the macaroni and cheese? Chandler: Oh yeah, it was great. You should be a chef. Fat Monica: Okay! (He gets up and walks away as Rachel come running over all excited.) Big Nosed Rachel: Guess what?! All that stuff about Nancy Branson being a slut was all a rumor so Chip dumped her and he wants to come over to my house tonight! Fat Monica: Oh that's so great! Big Nosed Rachel: I know! Fat Monica: Oh gosh, listen if you and Chip do it tonight, promise me you'll tell me everything. Big Nosed Rachel: Oh totally, totally. Y'know it's not that big of deal, we already kinda did it once y'know. Fat Monica: I know, but y'know, this time you're gonna definitely know whether or not you did it! Big Nosed Rachel: I know, I know. And oh, and this time Chip promised that-that this time it will last at least for an entire song! [Cut to the kitchen, Ross and Chandler are doing the dishes.] Ross: So I'm thinking about asking Rachel out tonight. Y'know maybe play her that song we wrote last week. Chandler: Emotional Knapsack? Ross: Yeah. Chandler: Right on! Oh! Uh, but, don't take to long okay? 'Cause uh, we're gonna test out our fake ID's tonight, right Clifford Alverez. Ross: Listen, Roland Chang, if things go well, I'm gonna be out with her all night. Chandler: Dude, don't do that too me! (Monica enters behind them.) Ross: All right, it's cool you can stay here. My parents won't mind. (Monica suddenly gets very happy.) Chandler: No, it's not that, I just don't want to be stuck here all night with your fat sister. Ross: Hey! (Upon hearing this, Monica starts to break down and storms out. Only to be stopped by her parents.) Mrs. Geller: (holding two pies) Monica, why don't you finish off these pies? I don't have any more room left in the fridge. Fat Monica: No. No, thank you! Mr. Geller: Well Judy, you did it! She's finally full! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, back to the present day.] Chandler: I called you fat?! I don't even remember that! Monica: Well, I do. Chandler: I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud! Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you called her fat. Ross: I can't believe you let George Michael slap you. Chandler: I am really sorry. That is so terrible. I am so, so sorry. Rachel: Actually, y'know that's not the Thanksgiving I was talking about. Monica: Yes, it was! Rachel: No, it wasn't. It was actually the... Monica: (interrupting her) Okay, now Thanksgiving's over, let's get ready for Christmas. Who wants to go get a Christmas tree?! Phoebe: Oh, no, I have the cutest Christmas story! Chandler: We wanna hear Monica's Thanksgiving story! Phoebe: Fine, all right, mine had a dwarf that got broke in half, but y'know whatever. Thanksgiving 1988 [Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Mrs. Geller is cooking and Rachel, post nose job, is helping her.] Mrs. Geller: So Rachel, your mom tells me you changed your major again. Rachel: Oh, yeah, I had too. There was never any parking by the Psychology building. Mr. Geller: (entering) Hi Rachel. Rachel: Oh hi! Mr. Geller: Wow, love your new nose! Mrs. Geller: Jack. Mr. Geller: What? Dr. Wilson's an artist! He removed my mole cluster. Wanna see? (He starts to show her as the doorbell rings.) Mrs. Geller: I'll get it. Rachel: No, God! Please, let me! (Runs out.) (She opens the door to reveal Chandler and Ross. Unfortunately, they seem to have their holidays mixed up. They think it's Halloween and they're going as Crockett and Tubbs from that legendary TV show of the late 80's, Miami Vice. God, we looked silly back then!) Rachel: Hey! Ross: Hey. (To his parents) Happy Thanksgiving! Mr. Geller: (To Chandler) God, your hair sure is different! Chandler: Yeah, we were just talking about that. I can't believe how stupid we used to look. (They both quickly push their sleeves over their elbows.) Ross: So uh, where's Monica? Mrs. Geller: She's upstairs. Monica! Come down! Everyone's here! Ross, Rachel, and the boy who hates Thanksgiving. (Monica enters, but she forgot something. Oh, about 150 pounds. In other words, she lost weight, big time!) Monica: Hi, Chandler. Chandler: Oh my God! Monica: What-what's the matter? Is there, is there something on my dress? (She turns around making sure he gets a good look.) Chandler: You just, you look so different! Terrific! That dress! That body! Ross: Dude! Chandler: Sorry! Mrs. Geller: Yes, yes Monica is thin. It's wonderful. But what we really want to hear about is Ross's new girlfriend. Ross: Oh mom! Okay, umm, her name is Carol. And she's really pretty. And smart. And uh, she's-she's on the lacrosse team and the golf team. Can you believe it? She plays for both teams! Monica: So Chandler, I guess I'll see you at dinner. (She heads for the kitchen and Chandler watches her leave and admires the view.) Mr. Geller: Dude! Chandler: Sorry. (In the kitchen.) Rachel: (entering) Oh-ho, my God! That was so awesome! You totally got him back for calling you fat! He was just drooling all over you. That must've felt so great! Monica: Well it didn't! Rachel: What?! Monica: Yeah, I mean yeah, I look great. Yeah, I feel great and yeah, my heart is not in trouble anymore! Blah, blah, blah! Y'know I still don't feel like I got him back, y'know? I just want to humiliate him. I wanna, I want him to be like naked and then I'm going to point at him and laugh! Rachel: Okay, that we may be able to do. Monica: How? Rachel: Well guys tend to get naked before they're gonna have s*x. Monica: What?! I mean, I didn't work this hard and-and-and lose all this weight so that I can give my flower to someone like him! Rachel: Okay, first of all, if you keep calling it that, no one's gonna ever take it. Then, second of all you're not actually gonna have s*x with him! You're just gonna make him think that you are. Monica: Yeah. Rachel: Yeah. Monica: And when he's naked I can throw him out in the front yard and lock the door and all the neighbors will just humiliate him! Rachel: Then, you will definitely get him back! Monica: Okay, so how do I make him think I wanna have s*x with him? Rachel: Okay, oh, here's what you do. Just act like everything around you turns you on. Monica: What do you mean? Rachel: Well, like anything can be sexy. Like umm, oh-oh, like this dishtowel! (She grabs it and starts rubbing it on her cheek.) Ooh, ooh, this feels sooo good against my cheek! And-and if I feel a little hot, I can just dab myself with it. Or I can bring it down to my side and bring it through my fingers while I talk to him. Monica: (excited) I can do that! Rachel: Yeah? Okay! Good, good, because he's coming. He's coming. (To Chandler) Hey, what's up? (She leaves and closes the door behind her.) Chandler: Monica, I was wondering if you can make me some of that righteous mac and cheese like last year. Monica: Umm, I'd love too! (She goes over and picks up the box and decides to follow Rachel's advice and holds the box up to her cheek.) Ooh, I love macaroni and cheese. I love-I love the way this box feels against my cheek. Chandler: Okay. Monica: Boy, I love carrots! Oh! (She picks up a bunch of them and holds them between her fingers.) Sometimes I like to put them between my fingers like this and-and hold them down here while I talk to you. (She is rubbing her hip with the carrots.) Umm, and-and-and y'know if I get really hot umm, I-I like to pick up this knife (She picks up a knife without putting the box down. She's holding the box between her cheek and shoulder) and-and umm, I-I put the cold steal against umm, (Pause) my body. (She doesn't have any exposed skin within reach of the knife, so while holding the carrots in one hand and the box between her face and shoulder, she rubs the knife on her stomach.) Chandler: Are you all right? Monica: Oh yeah, of course. I'm fine it's just that-(She drops the box and in a reflex action tries to catch it with her arm, the knife slips out and slowly flips through the air and comes point first down into Chandler's shoe.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The hospital, Chandler has been rushed to the emergency room.] The Doctor: What do we got here? The Paramedic: Twenty year old has got a severed toe on his right foot. (They go through the doors into the trauma room, opening them by ramming the gurney through them, only Chandler's foot is hanging off the end and he screams in pain.) Ross: Can you please not do that feet first? You know where his injury is! Severed toe, you just said it! The Doctor: It says here that the knife went right through your shoe. Mr. Geller: Of course it did. They're made of wicker. The Doctor: Did you bring the toe? Monica: Oh yes! I have it right here, on ice! (She takes a bag of ice out of her purse and hands it to the doctor.) The Doctor: (opening it) Don't worry son, we'll just attach it and-(Stops suddenly.) Monica: What?! What is it? The Doctor: You brought a carrot. Chandler: What? The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot. Rachel: You brought a carrot?! Mrs. Geller: Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen. Monica: God, I'm sorry! I'll go back and get it! The Doctor: It's too late, all we can do now is sow up the wound. Chandler: Without my toe?! I need my toe! Monica: Wait, no-no-no, I can go really fast! Dad, give me the keys to your Porsche! Mr. Geller: Oh, I'm not falling for that one! Present Day [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is reacting to the story.] Chandler: That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?! Monica: I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident. Chandler: That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?! Monica: I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe! Chandler: Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail. (He storms out.) Monica: Chandler! (Follows him out.) Ross: (To Joey) Sir Limps-A-Lot, I came up with that. Joey: You're a dork. [Cut to the hallway, Chandler is standing in front of his door.] Chandler: I can't believe this. Monica: Chandler, I said I was sorry. Chandler: Yeah, well, sorry doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home! I hate this stupid day! And everything about it! I'll see you later. Monica: Oh wait, Chandler, come here is there anything I can do? Anything? Chandler: Yeah, just leave me alone for a while. (He goes into his apartment.) [Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is sitting on one of the chairs and the duck is running around him and quacking.] Chandler: Oh-oh, I'm a duck! I go, "Quack, quack!" I'm happy all the time! (There's a knock on the door and Chandler gets up to answer it. He opens the door to reveal Monica with a turkey over her head.) Chandler: Nice try. Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.) Chandler: Look, Monica... Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.) Chandler: This is not going to work. Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.) Chandler: You are so great! I love you! (Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.) Monica: What? Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking! Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this! Chandler: No I didn't! Monica: Yes, you did! Chandler: No I didn't! Monica: You love me! Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.) Ending Credits Thanksgiving 1915 [Scene: The Western front during World War I, Phoebe, in yet another past life, is once again a nurse tending to yet another dying soldier. But this time she's doing it with a French accent.] French Phoebe: Gauze! Gauze! I need to get some gauze in here! Can I please get some gauze in here! (A shell explodes outside next to the tent and when the smoke clears, Phoebe still has her arm.) Whew! (Her arm falls off and starts pumping out blood.) This is getting ridiculous uh!

Monica cooks Thanksgiving dinner. After, everyone share stories of their worst-ever Thanksgivings: Chandler learned of his parents' divorce; Joey got a raw turkey stuck on his head; newly-thin, teen-aged Monica accidentally cut off the tip of Chandler's toe with a sharp knife.

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( Theme music playing ) Woman: What can you see? Jilly: How far down does it go? Woman: All the way to the other side of the world. Buenos Aires. Shanghai. A mission on both sides of the world? And you're taking me with you. Whoa. ( Blood plops ) I never knew about that. Gwen: I think it's showing us the way. It's The Blessing. It's somewhere over there, and I think it's calling you, Jack. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai hovel ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: When I was about five or six, my dad came home from work early and I knew there was something wrong. I could hear voices from the kitchen. So I looked through the door and I could see him crying. It turns out money had gone missing from work and he'd got the blame. So I went to get all my pocket money and I put it in his hand. It must've been about 2.50. And he looked at me and he said, it's not about the money. He said, I can't stand anyone thinking I'm not an honest man. And I will always remember that. Always. Because that was the first time in my life anybody had spoken to me like an adult. And then we went to the back garden and we played till dark. So that's my dad, Geraint Wyn Cooper, the nicest man in the world. And today's the day that I kill him. ( Theme music playing ) ( Beeping ) [SCENE_BREAK] Torchwood: Miracle Day Original Air Date on September 9, 2011 [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires warehouse ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Grunts ) ( Plops ) Rex: Whoa. ( Gasps ) Esther: Oh, my God. Rex: All right, that's it. I'm done. You know, I've seen some crazy sh1t with Torchwood, but now I'm at the limit. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai hovel / Buenos Aires warehouse ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: So we've got blood heading northwest, fifteen degrees thirty eight minutes thirty nine seconds north. What have you got? ( Beeps ) Esther: Er, it's heading southeast, twenty three degrees six minutes four seconds south. Gwen: You keep that blood safe. They've destroyed blood banks in both cities. That's got to be important. Rex: I've got it. It's safe. ( Groans loudly ) Rex: Who was that? Gwen: Damn it. Rex: Is that World War Two? What's wrong? Jack: It feels like all the blood inside me is trying to get out, churning. Rex: Tell me about it. Jack: Why? What's wrong with you? Esther: ( Exhales softly ) You're not the only one affected by the Miracle. It saved Rex's life and we don't know what happens next if we stop this thing. Maybe death catches up with him. Rex: Okay, okay, enough with the superstition. Let's get back to the mission, people. Gwen: If both cities are connected underground, it's like a pole. Jack: A secondary pole. The magnetic pole goes north to south, and now this, from Buenos Aires to Shanghai. Rex: What is it? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Speaking Mandarin ) Mother: Forgive me, but according to our contacts there are forces moving in, so we're advancing the plan. Midnight tonight, long after we're gone, we're blowing this whole thing sky high. ( Gasps ) ( Men speaking Mandarin ) Jilly: Won't that stop the Miracle? Mother: On the contrary. It'll become never-ending. The Blessing won't be hurt, just buried so that no one can ever change it again. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai hovel / Buenos Aires warehouse ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: I'm gonna follow. If I keep going fifteen degrees thirty eight minutes north, I'll find it. Wait for my call. And Rex, Esther, you take care, okay? You never know. We might meet in the middle. Rex: Yeah, well, I guess there's a first time for everything. Esther: Good luck. Rex: And hey, you take care. Don't do those stupid, lame-ass Torchwood things. Be professional for once. Gwen: Like you taught me, yeah? Rex: Yeah, that's right. Just like I taught you. Esther: See you soon, yeah? When all this is over. Danes: Speaking as a man who's walked to his death, can I say I did it with a lot less sentiment? Gwen: Just you wait. If this goes right, murder's coming back. Rex: Jack, listen to me. I've got no choice now. I need to bring in the CIA. for backup. Because if we find this place, we're gonna have to move in and take it fast and hard. Jack: Don't give away our location. Keep Torchwood a secret. Promise? Rex: Sure. And hey, let's meet up for drinks afterwards. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires warehouse ] [SCENE_BREAK] Rex: Well, you always wanted to be a part of Clandestine, didn't you? Well, you just got promoted. Rex: Yeah, this is Rex Matheson. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CIA Analysts office ] [SCENE_BREAK] Shapiro: Ladies and gentlemen. As of this moment Clandestine is running this room. I am declaring special ops, station one, as designated by field Agent Rex Matheson. Adam, secure linkup. Charlotte, we're gonna need translation in this room now. Charlotte: Yes, sir. What language? Shapiro: Spanish. We need experts in Rioplatense Spanish. Now, listen up, everybody. It's eleven oh nine am. in DC, twelve oh nine pm in Buenos Aires. To confirm, this operation is active in Buenos Aires. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Mother: Buenos Aires, this is Shanghai. We're setting detonation at twelve midnight. Confirm one pm your location. Over. Cousin (over P.A. O.C.): One hour post meridian confirmed. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Cousin: What a beautiful day. Over. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Mother: Buenos Aires and Shanghai, perfect antipodes, give or take a hundred miles or so. There's a slight deviation, because the Earth's not a perfect sphere. Are you getting all this? Jilly: Oh, yes. Every word. If that runs right through the centre of the Earth, why isn't this thing a volcano? Mother: Again, no idea. Isn't that wonderful? The laws of The Blessing are beyond us. That's why it took us so long to work out what it can do. Jilly: How did you even find it? Mother: Well, we had to wait until the world grew up, until the information age became fast enough so we could crunch the numbers on a massive scale. Facts became visible that were never visible before, such as a tiny little statistic hidden in the heart of Shanghai Old Town. The average life expectancy of those living within a two mile radius of this point was exactly equal to the average life expectancy of the world, and it always had been. Say in 1998, the average life expectancy from birth on this planet was sixty six years, five months and thirty three days. In this area in Shanghai, it was sixty six years, five months and thirty three days exactly. Try going back a hundred years to 1898. The average life expectancy was forty nine years, nine months and five days. Shanghai, forty nine years, nine months, five days. It was as if something on this spot was calibrating a matrix, subsisting alongside humankind in harmony. Jilly: But the Chinese didn't know about it. Mother: We paid them to look the other way. Jilly: It does make you seem kind of colonial. Mother: Well, is that such a bad word? Besides, we changed the whole of the world, and this is just phase one. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires warehouse / CIA Analysts office ] [SCENE_BREAK] Rex: Mister Shapiro, sir. Shapiro: This is Sandra Lopez. She's handling translation. ( Speaking Spanish ) Rex: Buenos dies, para usted. *** del Argentina. Sandra: He said, "Good morning, sir." Shapiro: Listen, Rex, confirming your request for armed support. Your liaison is going to be Captain Federico Santos. Now he's gonna need strict ratification. The Argentinean army is not allowed by law to get involved in civil conflicts on their own soil. Rex: Yeah, well, these are the three Families, sir. They can classify it as a North American incursion. Oh, and by the way, Esther needs help. She's with me. Shapiro: If you mean Esther Drummond, can I just point out she's officially on the run from the CIA? Noah: I knew it. Charlotte: She'd follow him anywhere. Shapiro: Miss Drummond, remind me to arrest you when this is all over. Esther: Yes, sir. Now I need a check on all properties, residences and businesses falling in the path of this line. ( Beeps ) Sending it to you now. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CIA Analysts office ] [SCENE_BREAK] Charlotte: But that's one of the densest populations on Earth. With a backwards economy, half that information won't even be recorded. Sandra: Excuse me, but foreign investment's still rare in Argentina, so we've been tracking contract intensive money since 1980. The information's on file just waiting to be filtered. Charlotte: Excellent. Good call. Thank you. Noah: Hey, might be a good time to start that trace. Shapiro: What, in the middle of all this? It's not tested. I mean, it could bring down the whole system. I want that line passed through every single intel division. Charlotte: Hey. So, what's the trace? Noah: Er, it's new software from the D.I.A. ( Beeps ) So, the three Families, they use that vine technology to piggyback their calls on fifty thousand different lines. But the trace runs backwards, so it detects vine activity and then follows it back to the source. If there's a mole working in this department, it means we can find him. Charlotte: Excellent. Good news. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai shop ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Car honks ) ( Clucking ) ( Footsteps approach ) ( Woman speaking Mandarin ) Gwen: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I am sorry. I've just got to keep going 15 North and your shop is in the way, so tough, really. ( Bangs, grunts ) Gwen: Whoa. I need to get out. Can I get out? Gwen: Well, if you open it, you get rid of me, okay? So door, gone, me bye bye. Chinese Woman: No door. Gwen: No door? Why no door? Chinese Woman: Bad place. Many ghost. Gwen: Okay, listen. If you open that door, I will give you all the money in the world. ( Whispers ) Gwen: Yeah? ( Lock clicks ) [i]( Door shuts ) ( Wind blowing )[/i] Chinese Woman: Very bad, yes? Gwen: Very, very bad. Gwen: I think I found it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai hovel ] [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: Oswald, we're moving. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires warehouse ] [SCENE_BREAK] Rex: Esther, this is Captain Santos, Fourth Manoeuvre Unit, Second Brigade. Esther: I think they found it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CIA Analysts office ] [SCENE_BREAK] Noah: There's been no paperwork around this site since 2001. Access is via an alleyway running between South Pacheco Street and Rivadavia. Shapiro: What's the name of the alley? Noah: Well, that's the point, sir. Sandra: It's not designated. It hasn't got a name. Noah: Just like the three Families. They wiped it off the map. All right, that's it. Rex, prepare to mobilise. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai hovel ] [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: Anything you don't need, leave behind. Danes: We're coming back though, isn't that right? We're coming back? Jack: I don't know. Are we? ( Chuckles ) So much for your death fetish when it all gets too real, huh? Still, that victim of yours, Susie Cabina, how much choice did she have? Danes: Who are you? Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. Danes: No. I spent a long time in prison, and I know the smile of a man who's done terrible things. And your friends, I've been watching them. Sometimes they like you, sometimes they love you and sometimes, just once or twice, glittering away in those tiny little gaps, they fear you. Jack: I'm from the future. Danes: Well, now. Jack: I come from the future. ( Chuckling ) Danes: Then you must know. Do we make it through this day? Jack: The future can change. It's being written right now. But one thing I do know. I've seen the stars. I have seen the Universe. I have seen the human race become vast and magnificent and endless. And I wish you could see it, Oswald. I wish you could see that too. 'Cause then you'd know how small you've made your life. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai shop / Swansea home ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: It's me. Still alive. Rhys: You'd better be or there'll be trouble. Anwen says hello. Gwen: No, she doesn't. She's tiny. She hasn't got a clue. Rhys: All right, okay. Gwen: Sorry. Ready? Rhys: Yeah, we can get into the camp. Andy's worked it out. He's here now. He's got me this police visa. That should get me in. Andy: Torchwood calls and here I am. Gwen: Tell him thanks. Rhys: She says thanks. Andy: She'll be the death of me. Rhys: The trouble is, there's only the one visa, so we can't get your mom in. Mary: I wouldn't go, not to that godforsaken place. Rhys: Andy's checked the list and your dad, he's still there, Category One. He's in one of the wards. They haven't sent him... ( sighs ) They haven't sent him off yet. Is there anything you want me to say to him, Gwen? I mean... Gwen: I feel like I'm killing him. Because if this goes right, the Miracle ends, my father dies. ( Sighs ) Rhys: Well, you know what? Let him die. I mean, bless the poor bugger. I mean, he's had his time. You just come back alive. You got that? Mary: She'd better. Tell her for me. Rhys: Yeah, you come back or I will be furious. Gwen: All right, will do. Got to go. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai shop ] [SCENE_BREAK] Chinese Woman: Sad girl. Gwen: Yes, I am. Chinese Woman: Crazy girl. Gwen: Yes, that's me. Thank you. Cheers. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Outside the Buenos Aires warehouse ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Truck engine starts ) Rex: And if that happens, the regrouping will go through me. We'll have to ratify that with Washington. Soldier: I help you, yes? Give it to me. Esther: Thank you. There you go. Soldier: We take care. American goods. ( Esther laughs ) Esther: ( Grunts ) And that. Soldier: Thanks. Esther: Someone help me up? ( Pants, grunting loudly ) Esther: Are you all right? Santos: You okay? What's wrong? Esther: He was injured. Rex: No, no. No, it's, it's nothing. It's just an old war wound. ( Pants ) Esther: It's getting worse. ( Woman speaking Spanish ) ( Speaking Spanish ) ( Guns cocking ) ( Both shouting ) ( Gunfire ) ( Esther coughing ) ( Speaks Spanish ) Santos: Capitan Santos... Rex: No, no, no, no! ( Smashes ) We're dead! Don't you get it? We're dead! We were in that explosion. Come on, let's go inside. Let's go. Get up. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CIA Analysts office ] [SCENE_BREAK] Charlotte: Sir, we've lost radio contact. The link with the army just cut dead. Shapiro: Can't have. Get a hold of them. ( Speaking Spanish ) ( Alarm blaring ) Sandra: That's an explosion. Noah: That's special ops station 2, sir. That's Rex and Esther. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires warehouse ] [SCENE_BREAK] Santos: All my men. Rex: Captain, snap out of it. On your feet. Now, listen to me. I need you to go to that base, okay? But I want you to tell them that we died. Understand that? Now look, you can try to get another squad, but do not tell them that Esther and I are still running, okay? Santos: What are you gonna do? Rex: They think that we're already dead. So now's the perfect time, and I'm going in on my own. Esther: I'm coming with you. Rex: Oh, sh1t. Fine, yeah, whatever. Come here. Santos: But you've only got handguns. There's just two of you. You need more than that! Esther: Our special weapon went up in smoke. Rex: We had the blood. The only mortal blood in the world and it's on that truck. ( Phone ringing ) Esther: It's Gwen. Rex: Don't answer it. Everyone needs to think that we're dead, okay? Now, come on, let's go. Let's move. [SCENE_BREAK] [ CIA Analysts office ] [SCENE_BREAK] Shapiro: Somebody betrayed us. They had information inside the Directorate. All right, Miller, run that trace. Noah: I need clearance from the... Shapiro: I don't care about the protocols. I don't care if it brings down the whole pissing system. Run the trace and find the b*st*rd. Now, let's go! Noah: Okay. If there's a vine... ( Beeping ) .. this should track it right down to the handset. ( Clicks, beeps ) Charlotte: Any luck? Shapiro: Almost. Charlotte: I hope you catch that traitor. Charlotte: Oh, hey, Sandra. I think Mister Shapiro wanted to see you. Sandra: Okay. Thanks. Sandra: You wanted to see me, sir? Shapiro: No. What for? Sandra: I don't know. That analyst said... Sandra: I'm sorry, what's her name? ( Beeps ) Noah: Charlotte? Shapiro: Oh, f*ck. ( Beeps ) ( Muffled shouting ) ( People shouting ) Charlotte: What's going on? What was that? ( Alarm blaring ) Was that a bomb? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai shop ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Speaking Mandarin ) Jack: Okay, what have we got? Gwen: The sublink's just said there's been an explosion in Buenos Aires. Special ops. It's Esther and Rex. Danes: They're dead? Gwen: What do you care? Why don't you just shut it! Jack: Okay. Oh! Look, I'm sorry, but we can't do this, not now. Gwen: This is about you, Jack. If the Miracle is connected to your blood, then God help them, but they had the only reserve. The only blood we have now is in you. Jack: Then I'd better be careful. Gwen: But you could die this time. Jack: That's the game. Gwen: Yeah. Jack: Let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires ] [SCENE_BREAK] Uh-huh. Okay. ( Rex grunts ) ( Snaps ) ( Rex grunts ) ( Snaps ) ( Grunts ) ( Distant barking ) ( Elevator gate shuts ) Come on. ( Grunts ) ( Esther panting ) ( Elevator clanking ) Esther: How do we get down there? Rex: I'm looking. I'm looking. There's got to be stairs somewhere. ( Clatters ) You know, you could stay up here if you want. Esther: Oh, I was kind of hoping you wouldn't say that. ( Pants ) Rex: I got you in a whole lot of trouble, huh? Esther: I did that all on my own. Rex: I never did thank you, did I? Esther: No, you didn't. Rex: Yeah, well, don't expect it now. There. Stairs. West block hallway. Right here. Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai ] [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: Over here. Danes: There's gonna be guards all the way in. You can't keep doing this. They're gonna find us. Gwen: Shut him up. Of all the bastards to bring on a mission-- Danes: You condemn me? You Category One these men with your bare hands. Jack: Keep your voice down. ( Mutters ) Gwen: He's got a point. He's got a point. We're just like bandits. We're just on the perimeter here, Jack. How the hell are we meant to get deep inside? ( Phone buzzing ) Gwen: ( Mutters ) Damn. It's Rhys. He's found my dad. ( Horn blares ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Cowbridge Overflow Camp ] [SCENE_BREAK] Rhys: Hey. It's me, the useless article. I brought you a message. Gwen sends her love. Mary sends her love. We all do. All of us. Nurse: He's the lucky one. See that girl over there? She was brought in as Category One. She must be 15, 16. No one's tried to claim her. We don't even know her name. Anyway, you've got till the end of the shift and then we're moving this lot. They're going to the furnace. Rhys: No, I, I want to spend more time with him, please. Nurse: Make the most of it, then. Andy: Can't we delay the transport? Nurse: Look, we've got this place running like clockwork now. You've got ten minutes, then they're gone. Andy: But they're still alive. And you're gonna burn them? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Horn blares )[/i] Gwen: Yeah, all clear. Jack: Wait a minute. I was in China for the Boxer Rebellion, and I know what that lettering means. ( Laughing ) Jack: Ha, ha. Oswald, I've changed my mind. I'm so glad you're here. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Alarm beeping ) Mother: I knew it. Jilly: What's happening? Mother: You're about to meet the creator. Jilly: It's that soldier. Mother: Hmph. Jilly: He's with Oswald? ( Whirring ) ( Woman speaking Mandarin ) ( Cocks ) Mother: Captain Jack Harkness. At last. Danes: No, no, no, no, this isn't about Jack. No, ma'am. Excuse me, but it's not at all. My name is Oswald Danes. Well. Hmm. ( Chuckles ) Good evening, Miss Kitzinger. You've been promoted. And this is the new empire you're servicing? My my my my my my my. Mother: With all due respect, Mister Danes, you're a by-product of the Miracle. Not really relevant at all. Danes: That's what the Captain said. He tried to tell me that my life has become a very small thing. Tiny. And yet right here, right now, at the very end, I would describe myself differently. I would call myself vital. Danes: Madam, you're a fine woman. You should be careful now, very careful indeed. It seems like you've been planning some kind of an explosion, but I'd love to make sure you're still inside. Jack: Advantage Torchwood. Cousin (over P.A. O.C.): Well, I'm afraid we have a major disagreement here in Buenos Aires. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Cousin: I'd say advantage Families. Say hello to your friends. Jack (O.C.): What's that supposed to mean? Rex: He means us. Gwen (O.C.): Rex? Oh my God. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Both Blessing chambers ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: And Esther? Esther: I'm here. They caught us. Gwen: Just glad to hear you're alive. Cousin: I'll swap your standoff for my standoff. Rex: Don't you do it. ( Guns cock ) Cousin: But nobody dies. She'll keep on living, just perforated. Rex: Threaten me, you coward, not her. Esther: Rex. Hey, I'm okay. Jack: If you hurt her, we've got explosives here ready to go. Danes: And don't imagine I won't. Whatever happens here tonight, there's no place on Earth that I can go, and I wasn't planning on coming out of here alive. Cousin: So, who's gonna lose their nerve first? [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Jack: The thing is, we don't need explosives or guns or threats, because I've got the most powerful thing of all. ( Loud crunching, crackling )[/i] Jack: It wants me. Mortal blood. The only one in the whole world. So I suggest you're very careful with me, okay? Danes: And if you fail to take the Captain's advice, you can certainly come to oblivion with me. Jack, you're the future man. You've seen wonders beyond this world, so tell us of these Blessings and Miracles. Gwen: What the hell is that thing? ( Jack chuckles ) Jack: Can you feel it? Gwen: Yeah, I can feel it. Oh, yeah. God, I can. Okay, God. Oh, my God. Mother: It is said that it reflects your own self back at you. What can you see? Gwen: Enough guilt to last me a lifetime. But that's okay. I'm a working mother. I don't need the Blessing to tell me that. Mother: And you, Jack? Jack: I've lived so many lives. And now I can see them all. Hey. Not so bad. Jilly: Well, you might want to question your choice of weapon, soldier. Let's see. You brought the world's biggest b*st*rd, wired him up to a bomb and then showed him his soul. Hmm, that's good work. You know, I feel really safe right now. ( Pants ) Jack: Oswald? Oswald. Don't lose it. Danes: Sin. The Blessing feels like sin. ( Laughs ) Jack: Oswald, don't. I need you. ( Panting ) Danes: I guess I'm accustomed to sin. ( Sighs ) Jack: Thank you. Gwen: I still don't get it. What are we looking at? The Blessing, is it the rock or is it the edge? What? Jack: It's the gap in between, the nothingness. The space. It's alive. Danes: It's like they broke the world. Gwen: You're the expert. What is it? Jack: The world's been turning for over four billion years. There's so much buried under its skin. The Doctor used to say there's Silurian mythology, Huon particles, Racnoss energy, an expansion of their hibernation matrix, maybe. Gwen: You don't bloody know, do you? Jack: No. ( Laughs ) Gwen: No. ( Laughs ) It's been here since the Earth began? Jack: Could be. Gwen: Yeah. Oh, it has. I can feel it. We're so used to these things being extraterrestrial, but this might be the most terrestrial thing of them all. Wow. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Rex: So, you found The Blessing and you worked out this morphic field. Cousin: The Blessing exists in a symbiotic relationship with the human race. It transmits a morphic field around the planet, binding us together like magnetism, like sunlight. Esther: But finding it wasn't enough. You had to experiment on it. Cousin: No, we fed it. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Mother: We fed it the blood of an immortal. We had one remarkable artefact. We found a second remarkable artefact. The combination was inevitable. Gwen: So The Blessing absorbed the blood, copied it like a new template. So, the system changed its setting. Jack: You know why it did that? I think you hurt it. It was being attacked, so it took the blood pattern and made it a gift. It's exerting itself to sustain every person on the planet. This whole Miracle, it's trying to be kind. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Rex: You've seen immortality. I'm living it. Why would you want this? Cousin: This is only stage one. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: But you ruined the world out there! Mother: The Miracle shocked the economy. The economy collapsed. We tear down in order to rebuild. And now it's almost within sight. The new world. Gwen: Yeah, with no room for the poor, the weak or the ones that don't fit in. Mother: That's the way the world works. Now, we're just making it official. The families have just been waiting. Now we can step in to control the banks. The banks control government. The government controls people. Soon we'll be able to decide who lives, how long, where and why. Jilly: It's about time! Gwen: Oh, great. So it's the world according to Kitzinger, is it? Jilly: Listen, you can bleed your liberal heart all over the place, but are you really gonna tell me the world was working before? Because I have worked for the rich and the powerful and the obese. I have stared into the high end of Western society and let me tell you, it is like shoveling an open sewer. These families, they want to make the world fitter, more compact, more disciplined. And I like the sound of that. That sounds like salvation. Jack: But before you launched this brave new world, you had to deal with one more thing. Yeah. Me. [SCENE_BREAK] [ Both Blessing chambers ] [SCENE_BREAK] Esther: So as soon as the miracle happened, you sent the Torchwood email. Cousin: His blood endangers the plan. We had to draw him out into the open. Jack: Well, you failed. I got to Shanghai. I've got the only mortal blood on the planet. If it gets into The Blessing, life switches back. I can make the whole world mortal. ( Laughing ) Mother: No. Cousin: Oh, no. Mother: Sadly not. Cousin: He's not listening. Mother: He doesn't seem to get it. Cousin: No, no, no. Mother: Polar dynamics, Jack. Cousin: Everything on this axis operates in a polar dynamic field. Mother: You could reset the Blessing, your blood could make the whole world mortal again, but only by introducing it to both cities at once. Cousin: Blood in Buenos Aires... Mother: Blood in Shanghai... Cousin: Entering The Blessing simultaneously. Mother: That's how we fed it. Cousin: That's how we made the world immortal. Mother: And for you, I'm sorry, it's impossible. Cousin: You did very well, almost worked it out, but all that spare blood of yours went up in flames. Mother: So I'm just gonna have to kill you. ( Speaks Mandarin ) Jack: Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Whoa whoa. Mother: Jack, I know how your mind works. Even now you're ferociously calculating how you can get your blood to the other side of the world. But I can't allow that. Absolutely not. Danes: Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. I'm warning you, I'll do it. Mother: Then I'll die. And that's a shame, because you can blast his blood into that wall and it won't make any difference at all. ( Speaks Mandarin ) Rex: Listen to me. Danes: I'll do it! I'll do it! Rex: Wait a minute. If you need the blood of Jack Harkness on the other side of the world, then just... ( grunts ) Danes: I'll do it! Rex: Just listen to me! ( grunts ) Jack! All right. I'm all right. As I was saying, if you need Jack's blood, how about this? ( grunts ) ( Loud crunching, crackling ) ( Rumbling ) ( Rex grunts ) Mother: What was that? What happened? Gwen: Rex, what did you do? Cousin: That's impossible. No way. There's nothing special about you. Rex: Oh, but there is, when I've got Jack's blood flowing through my veins. It's inside me. Gwen: What? Jack: Oh, my God. Rex: See, we knew this blood was important, so as soon as we arrived... Esther: We transfused it into Rex. We exchanged his blood for Jack's. ( Rex yelling ) Esther: Okay okay. ( Grunting ) ( Esther speaking softly ) Rex: On most days it might've killed me. But we're all living on Miracle Day. Esther: And everyone thought the blood was gone, so no one even suspected. All we did was keep one final bag, filled the rest with Rex's blood, and Jack's mortal blood... Rex: Just walked right in. Hey, Oswald, you want to be a walking bomb? Mother: Get him out of there! Rex: Well, try this. Shoot me! Shoot me! Come on! Shoot me! Cousin: Don't! Don't! Don't! Rex: Pull that trigger! Splatter my blood! Shoot me! Mother: Get him out! Get him out! Jack: Nobody move! Huh? Wow, Rex, you're a genius! ( Groans ) Rex: You just shut the hell up. All right? This sh1t hurts. Gwen: Yeah, we've got blood on both sides of the world, Jack, but... Mother: But they will die. Is that what you want? The Blessing will take every last drop. You'll both die, gentlemen. You'll both kill yourselves. You will die in a pit in Shanghai. Is that what you want? Jack: I think I've lived long enough. Are you ready, Rex? Rex: Oh, you know I wish I'd never met you, you World War II idiot. ( Chuckles ) ( Panting ) Good times, huh? Esther: Yeah. Rex: I'll see ya. Gwen: Just one last thing, Jack. Jack: What is it? Gwen: You're never gonna be a suicide. Jack: Thank you. Gwen: Bye, then. Jack: Bye. Gwen: Face front. Jack: This is it, Rex. Rex: Nothing's gonna stop me. Cousin: I think this might. ( Thuds ) Rex: No! No! No! Gwen: What was that? Jack: Rex, what was that? Rex: You b*st*rd! You son of a bitch! Esther, come here. Oh, God. Cousin: These are the days of the Miracle, Mister Matheson. She can't die, and we have infinite resources. We can help her. We can make her better. Mother: If the Miracle ends, she dies. Is that what you want? All of you with your fine and noble deaths, do you really want to bring about hers? Rex: Jack, what do I do? Jack: I don't know. Rex: Oh God, what do I do? What do I do? Gwen: I'll tell you what you do, Rex. You carry on. Keep going back to the plan. ( Gasps ) Jack: ( Whispers ) We'll kill her. Gwen: I know. Rex: This is Esther we're talking about. Gwen: Yes, I know it's Esther, and it's my dad and it's everyone who's ever gonna die. But, Rex, we've got to do this and I'm gonna tell you why. Because I'm standing here and I'm staring at Oswald Danes. And he chose when that girl lived and he chose when that girl died. And no one should have that power. Not the rich, not the mad, not anyone. Danes: You're choosing now. Gwen: Yeah, you watch me. Danes: You'll kill Jack, Rex and that girl Esther. All of your Torchwood team. You'll kill them all. Gwen: Yeah. Danes: Oh, you are magnificent. Gwen: Ready? Rex! ( Gags ) Rex: ( Whispers ) I'm sorry. ( Gasps, whimpers ) Yeah. Gwen: I'm so sorry. Mother: Don't do it! Don't! ( Sighs ) Cousin: Don't do it! You'll kill her! ( Grunts ) ( Cries out ) ( Rumbling ) ( Yelling ) ( Guards yelling in Mandarin ) Gwen (O.C.): And that's what I did. In a pit in old Shanghai I brought death back to the world. ( Inhales deeply ) They said it was like a breath. The breath that went around the whole wide world. ( Rumbling ) ( Exhales ) The last breath. And then no more. We said goodbye to them then, the dads and the mums, the sick and the old, the friends and the neighbours... ( Rumbling continues ) .. and the people we once met, and the people whose names we never knew. We said goodbye to them all on the day that death came back. ( Rumbling louder ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: Jesus Christ almighty! Danes: No! No. Mother: Ah! No! Danes: I'm giving you this one chance. Mother: I'll give you estates. I'll give you places to hunt. ( Grunts ) ( Gasps ) ( Whirring ) Gwen: Hold that lift! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Rex: Hey, guess what? ( Gasps ) Death came back. Cousin: No! ( Screaming ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: Ah. ( Coughs ) He changed back! He's immortal! Gwen: Wait! ( Grunts ) ( Screams ) ( Whirring ) Danes: At last! A miracle! Gwen: How much bloody lipstick can you wear? Danes: Better run, Torchwood! I'm taking this thing with me. The whole thing! Mother: Please! For God's sake, help me. ( Gasps ) Help me! Danes: Oh, soon. Oh, soon I'll see her. Mother: You won't see anybody. You're going to hell, Danes. Danes: But that's where they go!. All the bad little girls, they run straight to hell, and I'm following! ( Rumbling intensifies ) Jack: Come on! Danes: Susie, keep running! I'm coming to get you. ( Screams ) Run faster! Faster! Gwen: Jilly! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Buenos Aires Blessing chamber ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Yells ) ( Clattering ) Santos: Get 'em out! Get 'em out! Get them out! [SCENE_BREAK] [ Shanghai ] [SCENE_BREAK] Gwen: Esther and Rex, did I just kill them? ( Heart beating slowly ) ( Helicopter approaching ) ( Sirens approaching ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Chapel ] [SCENE_BREAK] ( Organ music playing ) Congregation: the day thou gavest, lord is ended the darkness falls at thy behest to thee our mourning hymns ascended thy praise shall sanctify our rest we thank thee that thy church unsleeping while earth rolls onward into light through all the world her watch is keeping and rest not now by day nor night as o'er each continent and island... [SCENE_BREAK] [ Park ] [SCENE_BREAK] Blue eyed man: We meet again. ( Jilly gasps ) ( Panting ) Jilly: I have been coming here every day for weeks, waiting for you. Blue eyed man: We tend not to repeat patterns of behaviour. But, just this once. Jilly: I've got nothing. What the hell am I supposed to do? I had to buy my way out of that godforsaken country. I had to sell my own jewellery! I can't go home. I've got the CIA watching out for me, the FBI, everyone. ( Emphatically ) What do I do now? Blue eyed man: You start again. Jilly: With who? Blue eyed man: Us. Jilly: Why would I do that after everything you have put me through? Blue eyed man: Because we very nearly succeeded. As trial runs go, it was good. Jilly: Trial runs for what? Blue eyed man: Plan B. Interested? ( Organ music playing ) [SCENE_BREAK] [ Avenue of Rest ] [SCENE_BREAK] Charlotte: I'm sorry, Rex. She was more than a colleague. I'd like to think she was a friend. Rex: Thanks. Appreciate it. ( Sighs ) Jack: Lucky she got a full service. There's ten funerals every hour these days. Catching up with the backlog. Rhys: Well, that's made us all feel better. Gwen: You'd think if that Blessing was so kind, it could've shown some sort of grace. Esther died right in front of it. That morphic field could've reached out and saved one last life. Why not? Jack: We'll never know. UNIT's sealed those sites up forever. Let that thing stay buried. Rex: Yeah. What about you two, this Torchwood team? You reunited or what? Say no, please. Gwen: Don't know. You staying? Jack: You want me to stay? Rhys: Please say no. ( Chuckles ) ( Cell phone beeps ) Rex: Oh, boy. Whoa whoa whoa. Jack: Anything wrong? Rex: It's about Noah. You know, the analyst who died with Shapiro? They just retrieved his software from the explosion. The good thing is he told me his password because it's the same place I used to go for doughnuts. His last job was to look for that leak. Gwen: What is it? What's it say? Rex: sh1t. Charlotte! Charlotte! Charlotte! ( Gunshots ) Jack: Get help! Clear the area! There might be more! Gwen: Oh, no! Jack: No way. Gwen: Oh, come on. No, no, not after everything he's gone through. No! Jack: There's nothing we can do. I'm, I'm sorry, Gwen. I am so sorry. He's dead. ( Gasps ) Jack: What? Rhys: What? Gwen: What? Rex: What? Gwen: What the hell? Jack: That's impossible. Rex: You, World War Two, what the hell did you do to me? ( Theme music playing )

At CIA HQ, Charlotte is able to protect her secret by blowing up Shapiro ( John de Lancie ) and Noah ( Paul James ). Rex and Esther face a setback when the suitcase containing Jack's blood is blown up by a Families agent in the Buenos Aires military. Jack and Gwen strap Oswald to explosives to gain leverage over the Families, and learn that the miracle was caused when the Blessing - an unexplained rock formation controlling the morphic field - reacted defensively when introduced to Jack's immortal blood. Rex reveals that he secretly transfused himself with Jack's blood to keep it safe, meaning both agents are able to bloodlet into the Blessing at either end at the cost of their lives, thus ending the miracle. Esther is shot, but the group proceeds. Gwen shoots Jack, knowing that she is effectively killing her father, him, Rex and Esther. With death restored, Oswald blows himself up along with a senior Family member ( Frances Fisher ); Gwen's father dies. Jack's immortality is restored; he resurrects and escapes the facility with Gwen and Jilly. Several months later, Jilly is approached again by a Family agent ( Teddy Sears ) about assisting with their Plan B. Paramedics manage to revive Rex, but not Esther. At Esther's funeral, Charlotte's duplicity is revealed; she shoots Rex and is shot. To everyone's shock, however, Rex displays Jack's special ability, and instantly heals from his mortal wound.

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-[Real World]- (August, who is sleeping is his bed at the inn, wakes up to find his leg shaking uncontrollably. He attempts to grab his leg, but instead ends up stiffly falling out of the bed. He hobbles over to the phone and dials a number.) August: Hey, you there? Good. This is taking too long. We need to accelerate the plan. [SCENE_BREAK] (August and Henry are lurking across the street from Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop.) August: It's almost nine. You all set? You know what to do? Henry: Operation Cobra is always ready. I just... August: You just what? Henry: I don't understand what this has to do with getting Emma to believe. August: Sometimes, other priorities assert themselves. Can you handle a little improvisation? Henry: Yeah. Can you? August: We're a go. (Henry runs across the street and enters the shop. Mr. Gold greets him.) Henry: Hey, Mr. Gold. Mr. Gold: Good morning, Henry. What can I do for you? Henry: I want to get a gift for Miss Blanchard. Mr. Gold: Oh, I see. Henry: Since, she didn't kill that woman. Mr. Gold: Good thinking. (As Henry distracts Mr. Gold, August enters the shop through the back door.) Henry: Are these bells? Cool. Mr. Gold: See anything you fancy? (Henry continues to discuss purchasing a bell with Mr. Gold, while August searches through Mr. Gold's office out back. He is caught snooping by Mr. Gold.) Mr. Gold: May I help you? August: Yeah. I'm looking for some maps. I'm a bit of a collector. Mr. Gold: Yes. Well, there's maps through in the shop. This is my office. August: I thought this was the entrance. Mr. Gold: It's not. The shop's through there. [SCENE_BREAK] (At the hospital, Kathryn is awake and is being assessed by Dr. whale. Emma enters.) Dr. Whale: Emma. Come on in. Look who's awake. Emma: Kathryn, hi. Listen, I don't want to take a lot of your time. But, do you remember what happened? Kathryn: I don't know much. Um, I was in a car accident, and...I remember the airbag going off. And the next thing I knew, I was in the dark, in some basement. I didn't see anyone, but there was food and water. And then, I guess I was drugged. Dr. Whale: Yeah. We're still trying to flush that out of your system. Kathryn: And then, I woke up in a field at the edge of town, and I started walking. That was it. Emma: You saw no one? You didn't hear a voice? Smell perfume? Cologne? Anything? Kathryn: Nothing, no. I'm sorry. I wish I could help. Especially since... While I was gone, you thought I was dead? Emma: Your DNA matched the heart we found. Dr. Whale: They're grilling everybody down at the hospital lab to see who doctored the DNA results. Kathryn: Why would anyone do this? Emma: I think someone was trying to frame Mary Margaret. Kathryn: But why? I mean, who would do something like that? [SCENE_BREAK] (Regina and Mr. Gold are in Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop.) Regina: You broke our deal. Mr. Gold: I broke one deal in my life, dear. And it certainly wasn't this one. Regina: Kathryn was supposed to die, and Mary Margaret was to get the blame. Mr. Gold: Yeah, murder seems so much worse here, though, doesn't it? You can't just turn someone into a snail and then step on them, can you? You didn't say 'kill her'. We agreed that something tragic should happen to her. Now, abduction is tragic. Regina: The intent was perfectly clear. Mr. Gold: Oh, let's not talk about intent. Intent is meaningless. Regina: Intent is everything. Mr. Gold: Please. Regina: This is going to raise all kinds of questions about where she was and how the test results were fake. Mr. Gold: Oh, yes. And, um... And who put the key in her cell. Regina: It's all going to lead to me, isn't it? You b*st*rd. This doesn't make any sense. You and I - we've been in this, together, from the start. Mr. Gold: Oh, have we? Regina: You created the curse for me. The curse that brought us here, and built all this. Mr. Gold: Yes, it's about time you said thank you. Regina: Why did you do it? Mr. Gold: Well, you're a smart woman, Your Majesty. Figure it out. -[Fairy Tale World]- (In a small village, Baelfire and several kids are playing with a ball outside. The ball is knocked in the path of a donkey cart, driven by a man. When Baelfire goes to retrieve it, he trips and scrapes his knee.) Man: Hey. Hey! What are you doing in the middle of the road, boy? Baelfire: I'm sorry. I-I... Man: Hey, I know you. It's fine. It's fine. It was the donkey's fault. You want a chicken? Or some eggs? Baelfire: It's alright, no. I should probably just... (Rumpelstiltskin appears.) Rumpelstiltskin: What's going on? Man: It's nothing. It was my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going. But, he says he's fine! Baelfire: I'm fine, Papa. Really. Rumpelstiltskin: Are you sure, Bae? Baelfire: Yes. I'm fine. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I suppose it won't happen again. Baelfire: It won't. Man: No. No. Rumpelstiltskin: What's that? (Rumpelstiltskin points down, and everyone's attention is drawn to Baelfire's bloody knee.) Baelfire: It's nothing. Man: It's nothing! Rumpelstiltskin: Don't. Bother. (In a puff of purple smoke, Rumpelstiltskin magically transforms the man into a snail. Balefire and the rest of the villagers watch as Rumpelstiltskin goes to crush the snail.) Baelfire: No, Papa. No. Please, Papa, don't. No, Papa! Papa! (Rumpelstiltskin crushes the snail under his foot.) -[Real World]- (David is in Kathryn's room at the hospital. She is asleep. He leans over to kiss her forehead, but she wakes up.) David: I'm sorry. Kathryn: What are you doing? David: I was trying to kiss you on your forehead. It was meant to be sweet. Kathryn: Well, thank you. It's good to see you. David: Kathryn, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I cheated on you. I'm just... I'm sorry for all of this. Kathryn: David, it's okay. You know, what we had... It wasn't it for you. Maybe for both of us. I can't blame you for just being the first one to see it. David: You are, uh... Kind of amazing. Kathryn: Yeah, I am. Now, go on. Get out of here so I can get some rest. David: I'm going to give you that kiss on the forehead now. Kathryn: Knock yourself out. (He kisses her.) [SCENE_BREAK] (At Mary Margaret's apartment, most of the citizens of Storybrooke are gathered for Mary Margaret's welcome home party. Mary Margaret and Emma are at the punch bowl watching everyone.) Granny: Hi! Archie: Hey. How are you? Would you like some? MMB: All of these people... Just to welcome me home? Emma: You've got a lot of friends. MMB: Didn't feel like that yesterday. (Mary Margaret leaves to serve drinks.) MMB: Here you go. Man: Thank you. (Off to the side, Henry and August are talking and watching Mr. Gold from afar.) Henry: How bad was it? August: Getting caught in his office? Not bad. I played it off. Henry: What were you looking for? Did you find it? August: Nope. But I have a feeling it's going to find me. (August spots Mary Margaret.) August: There she is. Why don't you give her your present? Henry: Hey. I have something for you. (Henry hands Mary Margaret a present and a giant card.) MMB: Well, thank you. MMB: We're so glad you didn't kill Misses Nolan... Henry: It's from the whole class, and I got you a bell. MMB: Thank you. Tell everyone I'll be back soon. Henry: Okay. Emma: Hey, Henry, we should get you home before your mom finds out. That won't be pretty. (Emma and Henry head for the door. They find David standing on the other side. Emma turns around to look at Mary Margaret, whose face clearly shows disapproval.) David: Hey, Henry. Leaving already? Henry: Yeah. Got to get home and do homework. Emma: She's kind of tired. I think if you just give it some time... David: I just wanted to- Emma: Hey, Henry. Why don't you head home with David? Henry: Okay. Emma: Sorry. David: Okay. (David and Henry leave, and Emma shuts the door. Mr. Gold approaches her.) Mr. Gold: Hard to let him go, isn't it? Your son. Emma: Yeah. Pretty much the hardest thing. Speaking of something we weren't talking about, was it you? Mr. Gold: Was what me? Emma: Did you make Kathryn suddenly materialize? Cause it sure played that way to me. Was that the magic you were going to work? Because if you kidnapped that poor, innocent woman, just to let her go- Mr. Gold: Are you proposing I'm working with Regina, or against her? Emma: I don't know. Maybe, diagonally. Mr. Gold: Well, you keep working on that one. My question's about something else - what do you know about him? Emma: Goes by August. He's a writer. Typewriter wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in stubble. Why? Mr. Gold: He was poking around my shop today. August Wayne Booth. Clearly a false name. There's one thing I know about - it's names. Emma: Writers go by pseudonyms. What does it matter? Mr. Gold: You trust him? Emma: Yeah. A lot more than I trust you. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Rumpelstiltskin and Baelfire arrive back at their house. Inside, their maid is cleaning up.) Rumpelstiltskin: Thank you, Onora. You can fetch our supper now, dearie. Baelfire: You killed that man. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, you were hurt. Speaking of which... (Rumpelstiltskin begins to heal Baelfire's knee, but Baelfire stops him.) Baelfire: No. I don't want magic. It's just a scrape. Rumpelstiltskin: This will heal it. Baelfire: So will this. (Baelfire gets a first aid kit from a cupboard. Rumpelstiltskin sets to mend the knee.) Rumpelstiltskin: As you wish. Baelfire: You're different now. You see it, don't you? You hurt people all the time. Rumpelstiltskin: I created a truce in the Ogres War, Bae. I walked into the field of battle, and I made it stop. I led the children home. Surely, a man who's saved a thousand lives- Baelfire: Is done. A man who's saved a thousand lives can be done with it. You can stop doing things. Rumpelstiltskin: I can't. I need more power so I can protect you. Baelfire: I wouldn't need protecting if you didn't have power. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I can't get rid of it. Baelfire: Have you tried? (Rumpelstiltskin pulls out the dagger of the Dark One.) Rumpelstiltskin: Tried? If someone kills me with this, then they gain the power. Now, you know that, Bae. Is that what you want? Baelfire: That's not what I want. I just think there might be other ways to get rid of the power. Have you looked for... (The maid returns and sees the two of them discussing the dagger.) Rumpelstiltskin: well, you look for other ways, Bae. But don't get your hopes up. Baelfire: Papa... If I find a way for you to get rid of the power... A way that doesn't kill you or hurt me... Would you do it? Rumpelstiltskin: It's not possible. Baelfire: If it was, would you do it? Don't you miss how it was? Rumpelstiltskin: Are you really that unhappy, Bae? I can conjure anything you desire. Name it. What do you want? Baelfire: I want my father. Rumpelstiltskin: All I want is your happiness, Bae. If you find a way, I'll do it. Baelfire: Good. (Baelfire extends his hand. The two then shake on it.) Baelfire: The deal is struck. Rumpelstiltskin: Struck. -[Real World]- (Mr. Gold picks the lock to August's room at the inn. Inside, he finds August's typewriter on his desk, along with stacks of papers and a donkey shaped paperweight. He moves aside a paper, revealing a drawing of Rumpelstiltskin's dagger.) [SCENE_BREAK] (Sidney is drinking coffee at Granny's Diner. Emma enters, and sits across from him.) Emma: Hey, Sidney. Sidney: Emma, hey. So, things certainly did work out, didn't they? For... For your friend? Emma: You told me you could help me with Mary Margaret, and I wanted to believe you. But, eventually, there are things that even a blind Sheriff cannot ignore. (Emma pulls out the wire tap and places it on the table.) Sidney: Is that a bug? Emma: Oh, for God sakes, Sidney. Drop it. You fooled me, you spied on me, and you reported it all back to that sick, crazy woman. I can't even imagine what she has on you, but it must be something huge. Sidney: She's a good Mayor. Emma: She tried to get Mary Margaret convicted of a murder that didn't even happen. You're in a lot of trouble. There is a DNA trail in a basement of some house out there, and I'm going to find it. And she's going to go away. Sidney: Maybe. But, I wouldn't bet against her. She's an amazing woman. Emma: Do you... Are you in love with her? ...Fine. Whatever. Here's the thing - before you know it, I will have that evidence. And you need to think long and hard. You can either help me, and help yourself, or you're going to go down with her, too. [SCENE_BREAK] (On the main street, August gets on his motorcycle and drives off. Mr. Gold, who is watching from a distance, follows him in his car.) -[Fairy Tale World]- (In the forest, several children are play dueling with wooden swords. Rumpelstiltskin and Baelfire cross them.) Rumpelstiltskin: Hey, why don't you join in, Bae? I have some business nearby that would bore you. Baelfire: Alright. (Rumpelstiltskin heads towards a house up the hill, while Baelfire goes to join the children. However, as he approaches them, the children scatter. He sits on a log by himself, when Morraine joins him.) Morraine: Baelfire. Baelfire: Careful, Morraine. You don't want to be seen with me. I'm dangerous. Morraine: They're just scared of your Papa. But I'm not. You won't let him hurt me. I don't think he's so bad anyway. I saw him on the battlefield when he stopped the fighting. It was like a miracle. Baelfire: Now, he's getting worse every day. But he said he'll change back if I find a way. I just don't know where to look. Morraine: Reul Ghorm. Baelfire: What? Morraine: I heard about it when I was in the trenches. The other soldiers talked about it. Reul Ghorm is an ancient being that rules the night. The original power. Baelfire: Bigger than Papa, or worse than Papa? Morraine: Bigger than anything. (A crack is heard in the background.) Morraine: He's coming back. Good luck to you. (Morraine leaves and Rumpelstiltskin returns.) Rumpelstiltskin: Your friend didn't want to say hello? Baelfire: You frighten them. Rumpelstiltskin: What is there to be frightened of, Bae? They'll get over that in time. Baelfire: You have stains on your boots. (They look down, where blood can be seen on Rumpelstiltskin's boots.) Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, yes, that. Uh, we need a new maid. Baelfire: Gods, no! Rumpelstiltskin: She heard us talking about the knife. Baelfire: She was mute. She couldn't tell anyone. Rumpelstiltskin: Even mutes can draw a picture. -[Real World]- (At the convent, August and Mother Superior are talking. August leaves, and Mother Superior encounters Rumpelstiltskin on the step.) Mr. Gold: Mother Superior. Good afternoon. Mother Superior: Our rent is paid in full. Mr. Gold: I'm not here about the rent. Mother Superior: Well, good day to you, then. Mr. Gold: Tell me - that man who just left here... Who did he say he was? What did he want? Mother Superior: I don't have to tell you that. Mr. Gold: And I don't have to not double your rent. What did he want? Mother Superior: Advice and counsel. He came to town looking for his father after a long separation, and he recently found him. Mr. Gold: Ah. And a happy reunion has already taken place? Mother Superior: No. He hasn't spoken to him yet. Mr. Gold: And why not? Mother Superior: Mm, it was a difficult parting. There are many issues to be resolved between them. Mr. Gold: I see. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Baelfire heads to a deserted area of the woods and sits down. He then attempts to summon 'Reul Ghorm'.) Baelfire: Reul Ghorm? Are you there? If you can help me, please make yourself known to me. (The Blue Fairy appears.) Baelfire: Can you help me? Blue Fairy: I can help. Baelfire: How do I know I can trust you? Blue Fairy: Because there is good magic and dark magic, and I'm on the right side. Baelfire: You're a fairy. Blue Fairy: Oh. And you're not untouched by magic, are you, child? There's something dark in your life. Baelfire: My father. He is the Dark One. Blue Fairy: Oh. I can't make him the man he was before, but I can send him someplace where he won't be able to use his powers. Baelfire: Not a jail. I want to be with him. Like it used to be. Blue Fairy: Not a jail, young one, just a place without magic. Baelfire: But magic is everywhere. Blue Fairy: In this world, yes. You see, what ails your father is specific to our realm. His powers do not belong here. You must go where you can escape this wretched curse. Baelfire: Go? We have to leave? Blue Fairy: Yes. It is the only way. Can you do it? Can you leave everything here behind for the unknown? Baelfire: If it means I get my father back, then yes. Blue Fairy: You're a very good son, Baelfire. You are the part of him that keeps him human. That little light inside of him that still glows. It's his love for you. Hold out your hand. (The Blue Fairy tosses him a transparent looking bean.) Baelfire: What is it? Blue Fairy: A magic bean. The very last one that is known to our kind. The others got away from us. You just use it wisely, and follow wherever it leads you. It will save you both. (The Blue Fairy disappears. Baelfire returns home.) -[Real World]- (David is waiting outside of a building. When Mary Margaret appears, he approaches her.) David: Mary Margaret. (She ignores him.) David: Please wait. Look, I'll leave if you want. I... I just think we need to talk. MMB: So, talk. David: I need to apologize. MMB: Yes, you do. Keep going. David: I didn't believe you. I didn't stand with you. MMB: You know, I will never forget that moment... The moment the world sort of blows you backwards, and the one person you thought would always be there to catch you... He isn't there. David: Look at what was going on. It was your jewelry box, your fingerprints, knife in your apartment- MMB: It was a setup. David: And a really good one. I'm human. I fell for it. I'm sorry, but... We have to move forward. MMB: But we can't. It's like something in this world doesn't want us together. David: Like what? Dark forces? MMB: Maybe. I don't know, but it's like something just keeps pouring poison between us. And what I don't want, is to have all of those good memories... Replaced by moments like that. When I looked at you, and I saw that you didn't believe me... David: No. I know. I am so sorry. MMB: I know. I know. David: But, I love you. MMB: And that... Is what makes it all so sad. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Rumpelstiltskin is spinning straw at his wheel, when Baelfire enters.) Baelfire: Papa! Papa. I found it. I-I found a way for things to be like they were. I want you to come with me. I can make things right. Have you heard of the Reul Ghorm? Rumpelstiltskin: The Blue Star. The Blue Fairy? Oh, son, please tell me you didn't. Fairy magic doesn't mix well with what I am. Baelfire: But you promised. She can help us. To take us to a place without magic. Rumpelstiltskin: A place without magic? I'd be powerless. Weak. Baelfire: Like everyone else. It wouldn't matter. We'd be happy. Rumpelstiltskin: We could be happy here. Baelfire: Father, please. You're getting worse. And you promised. This can work. It can. You made a deal with me. Are you backing out? Rumpelstiltskin: No. -[Real World]- (Mr. Gold knocks on Archie's door. Archie answers.) Archie: Mr. Gold? Are you here for the rent? Mr. Gold: Why does everyone ask that? Archie: Well, because you, uh... Never mind. Would... Would you like to talk? Mr. Gold: I don't know. Archie: Well, um... If you'd like to get something off your chest, please come in. (The two of them go to sit in Archie's office.) Archie: A son? Wow, I-I didn't know you had a son. How... How old is he? Mr. Gold: Let's start with something easier. Archie: O-Okay. Um, what do you mean to say that you may have found him? Mr. Gold: Let's just say, there's someone acting the way I would expect them to act. Archie: So, you... So, you recognize him? Mr. Gold: Maybe. Or, perhaps, I'm just seeing what I want to see. I don't know. Archie: Okay, well, I mean, wouldn't he recognize you? Mr. Gold: There was conflict. I'm not sure he's ready for a tear soaked reunion. Archie: So, he sought you out and he's hanging back? Maybe, he's watching to see if he's welcome. Looking for a sign that all is forgiven. Mr. Gold: No, no, no. He's not the one that needs to be... I think he might still be very angry. Archie: Anger between a parent and a child is the most natural thing in the world. Mr. Gold: I think he might be here to try to kill me. Archie: Ah. Right. That's... That's not. Mr. Gold: I let him go. I've spent my entire life since trying to fix it, and now, he's finally here. And I just don't know what to do. Archie: Be honest. Just tell him what you told me, and ask him for forgiveness. And when you're face-to-face, you'll know what to do. Mr. Gold: Honesty's never been the best colour on me. Archie: There's no other way. [SCENE_BREAK] (August is roaming around outside of the cabin in the woods, seemingly searching for something. Mr. Gold appears and confronts him.) Mr. Gold: I know who you are. And I know what you're looking for. August: Well, then... I guess all the lying can stop... Papa. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Baelfire and Rumpelstiltskin head through the forest to a clearing.) Rumpelstiltskin: Where are we going, boy? What kind of world is this we're going to? What kind of world is without magic? Baelfire: A better one. (Baelfire pulls out the magic bean and throws it on the ground. A green vortex forms in the ground.) Rumpelstiltskin: My gods, boy! It's like a tornado! Baelfire: We have to go through it! Rumpelstiltskin: No, no! I don't think I can! Baelfire: We must! It's the only way! Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, no, no, no, no! It's a trick! It'll tear us apart! Baelfire: It's not! It'll be okay! I promise! (Baelfire gets pulled down towards the vortex. Rumpelstiltskin hangs on to him.) Baelfire: Papa! We have to go through! What are you doing? Papa! It won't stay open long! Let go! Rumpelstiltskin: I can't! I can't! Baelfire: Papa, please! It's the only way we can be together! Rumpelstiltskin: No, Bae! I can't! Baelfire: Papa, please! Rumpelstiltskin: I can't! Baelfire: You coward! You promised! Don't break our deal! Rumpelstiltskin: I have to! Baelfire: Papa! (Rumpelstiltskin can no longer hang on, and Baelfire gets sucked into the vortex. The vortex disappears, leaving only a hole in the ground behind.) Rumpelstiltskin: Bae? Bae! No, no, no, no, no. No, no, Bae. I'm sorry, Bae! (He begins to start digging.) Rumpelstiltskin: I want to come with you! I want to come with you, Bae! I want to come with you! Bae! Bae! Bae! -[Real World]- (Mr. Gold and August are still outside of the cabin in the woods.) Mr. Gold: You were right, Bae. You were always right. I was a coward, and I never should've let you go. I know it's little consolation, but... I just want you to know, that ever since you left, ever since you crossed the barriers of time and space, in every waking moment... I've been looking for you. And now that I've finally found you... I know I can't make up for the past, for the lost time. All I can do, is to ask you to do what you've always done. And that's to be the bigger man... And forgive me. I'm so sorry, son. I'm so sorry, Bae. (August goes to hug him, and Mr. Gold returns the embrace.) Mr. Gold: Oh, my boy. My beautiful boy. Can you truly, truly forgive me? August: I forgive you, Papa. Mr. Gold: You were looking for the knife. August: I thought that if you still had it, it would mean that you hadn't changed. Mr. Gold: Well, let's go and find it and see. (The two of them go to a spot in the woods. August begins digging with a shovel.) Mr. Gold: I buried it here shortly after Emma came to town. Things were changing. Didn't want to take the chance of Regina finding it. August: Of course. Mr. Gold: It should be right about here, son. Here. Look, look. (Mr. Gold picks up the dagger out of the hole, which is wrapped in a cloth. He unwraps the dagger and hands it to August.) Mr. Gold: I want you to take it. Destroy it, the way I know you always wanted to. I found you, and I don't need it anymore. I chose it once. Now, I choose you. (August takes the dagger and examines it.) August: It's remarkable. (August holds up the dagger and points it at Mr. Gold.) August: By the power of the darkness, I command thee... Dark One. Mr. Gold: You're trying to control me? August: I command thee, Dark One! Mr. Gold: You're not my son. You're not Baelfire. August: Papa, why would you say that? I'm just trying to use your power to help us. Mr. Gold: Enough! It's over, Booth. Or whoever you are. My son would never try to use me. And he would know, that this knife cannot harness any magic in this world, because there is no magic in this world. That's why he chose this place. He didn't want me... (Mr. Gold grabs the dagger from August.) Mr. Gold: Dabbling. August: So, why bury a useless knife? Mr. Gold: Oh, I wouldn't say it was useless. It still cuts through flesh rather nicely. It's about time you start answering some questions, sunshine. Why the theatrics? Why didn't you just come to me? August: I needed you to work for it. I needed you to want it so bad, you would ignore what your eyes were seeing. Do I even look like him at all? Mr. Gold: How do you know about this knife? August: I hear things. (Mr. Gold points the dagger at August, until he ends up backed up against a tree.) Mr. Gold: No one here knows about this knife. August: No one here remembers. Mr. Gold: And, yet, you do. You're from there, aren't you? From my world. August: The fact that you're asking the question means you know the answer. Mr. Gold: Well, now that that's settled... (Mr. Gold lunges at August, pinning him against the tree behind him. He holds the dagger to his throat.) Mr. Gold: How about my other question? Who told you about me and the knife? August: A little fairy. Mr. Gold: Why did you want it? If you know who I am, then you know who I am. The chances of you surviving this little encounter are pretty slim. So, why take the risk? August: Because I'll die anyway. Mr. Gold: What? August: I'm sick. I'm sick, and I need magic. I was going to get the saviour to believe. But that woman... I don't think I'm going to make it long enough to see that happen. (Mr. Gold removes the dagger from August's throat.) Mr. Gold: She trusts you - it might be enough. Try again. August: You're going to let me live? Mr. Gold: You're going to die either way. This way, at least I might get something out of it. -[Fairy Tale World]- (Rumpelstiltskin is in a clearing in the forest.) Rumpelstiltskin: Reul Ghorm! Show yourself! (The Blue Fairy appears.) Rumpelstiltskin: How do I follow him? Blue Fairy: You had the way, you didn't take it. And there are no more magic beans. Rumpelstiltskin: That's a lie. Blue Fairy: We don't do that. Rumpelstiltskin: A lie. Blue Fairy: You will never make it to that world. Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, I'll find a way. There must be other paths. A realm jumper? Blue Fairy: No. Rumpelstiltskin: A time turner? Blue Fairy: No. Rumpelstiltskin: A mage? Blue Fairy: There is no- Rumpelstiltskin: A curse? Blue Fairy: No. Rumpelstiltskin: Ah! So, it is a curse. Blue Fairy: Of course you would think of a curse instead of a blessing. Your magic is limited by its own rotten core, Rumpelstiltskin. Anyway, it can't be done. Not without a great price. Rumpelstiltskin: I've already paid a great price. Blue Fairy: So, you'd be willing to sacrifice this world for the next? Because that's how great the price is. Rumpelstiltskin: Well, what do you think? Blue Fairy: Well, then I'll comfort myself knowing that such a curse is beyond your abilities. Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, for now. But I've got all the time in the world. I will do nothing else, I will love nothing else. I will find a way. You took my son, but I will get him back. Blue Fairy: I didn't take your son. Rumpelstiltskin: You took my son, but I will get him back! Blue Fairy: You drove him away. (He swipes at her with his dagger. The Blue Fairy disappears.) Rumpelstiltskin: I will find him! I will find him! I will find him... -[Real World]- (Emma arrives back at the station, where she finds Regina waiting for her.) Regina: Congratulations, Sheriff Swan. There's about to be a big break in your case. You just got yourself a confession. But, I want you to listen to the whole explanation, so you understand why this happened. Emma: Oh, I'll hang on every word you say. Regina: Sidney. You can come in now. (Sidney enters.) Regina: Tell her what you told me. Sidney: It was me. I confess. I abducted Kathryn, and I held her in the basement of an abandoned summer home by the lake. I bribed a lab tech to get me the heart from the hospital, and I used that same person to doctor the lab results. Regina: And the other thing. Sidney: I...borrowed some skeleton keys from Regina and...planted the knife in your apartment. Regina: My keys. Can't help but feel personally violated about that part. Emma: I am supposed to believe you did this for why now? Sidney: I was going to find her after the conviction, be a hero. Then, get the inside track on the biggest story to ever hit this town. I'd get my job back. Plus, a novel, and a movie, and... I don't know. It sounds crazy now. Emma: I don't know about crazy. But false, yes. False as hell. Sidney: I have maps to where the house is. You'll find chains in the basement. Lots of fingerprints, I'm sure - hers and mine. But, I didn't hurt her. Regina: The man has obviously suffered some kind of mental break. He clearly hasn't been himself for a while. Emma: Yeah. It's like his words aren't his at all. Regina: Wow. You are so sold on your own rush to judgment that you can't even see the truth anymore. Emma: A word in the hallway, please. (Regina and Emma meet in the hall alone.) Emma: Well, that's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. Regina: I'm pretty sure that's not true. Emma: That poor man. I know you are behind all this. I understand that you own the game, and that you've set the board so that no one else can win. But I am about to start playing an entirely different game. I don't care about what happens to you. I don't care about what happens to me. All I care about, is what happens to my kid. And you are going to leave him alone. Regina: Am I? Emma: Uh-uh. I'm talking. You're a sociopath, lady. You tried to take away someone that I love. And now... I'm going to take away someone you love. I am taking back my son. -[End]-

Mr. Gold attempts to uncover the true identity of August, Emma confronts Regina about her involvement in Kathryn's disappearance, and David tries to apologize and reconcile with Mary Margaret. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, Rumplestiltskin agrees to comply and do whatever it takes if his son can find a way for him to safely give up his powers and turn back into the loving man he used to be.

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I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you really want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. DO NOT POST MY TRANSCRIPT ON YOUR SITE WITHOUT MY NAME ON IT! I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination. [SCENE_BREAK] Close shot of Buffy's gravestone. XANDER VOICEOVER: This is what happened this year. Buffy in her coffin being revived. WILLOW VOICEOVER: Tomorrow night, we're bringing Buffy back. Buffy's hand bursting out of her grave. XANDER VOICEOVER: You're talking about raising the dead. Buffy and Spike in the alley behind the Magic Box. BUFFY: I think I was in heaven. I was torn out of there by my friends. Giles in the magic shop. GILES: I'm headed back to England. Giles on the plane. GILES VOICEOVER: I plan to stay. Buffy and Willow in the video arcade in "Gone." BUFFY: So you three have, what, banded together to be pains in my ass? WARREN: We're your arch-nemesises. Tara and Willow in the Bronze. TARA: Willow, you are using too much magic. Willow doing magic. TARA: I don't think this is gonna work. Willow crying. Tara packing. WILLOW: Are you saying you're gonna leave me? Willow getting her "fix" at Rack's. BUFFY VOICEOVER: Willow has a problem. WILLOW: I need help! Buffy and Spike kissing. SPIKE: We kissed, Buffy. I'm in love with you. BUFFY: You're in love with pain! SPIKE: You afraid I'm gonna- Buffy kissing Spike. SPIKE: Things have changed. BUFFY: The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. Buffy and Spike in the crypt. BUFFY: It's over. I'm using you. Xander and Anya in the magic shop. XANDER: We're getting married. DAWN: Congratulations. The wedding that wasn't. ANYA: Xander's missing? What do you mean Xander's missing? Xander walking in the rain in his tux. Xander and Anya in their apartment. XANDER: I wish we could just go back to the way things were before. Anya morphing into demon face. ANYA: And I wish you were never born. Anya and Spike having s*x in the Magic Box. Anya and Xander arguing. ANYA: You left me, Xander! At the altar! XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? SPIKE: It's good enough for Buffy. XANDER: Shut up and leave her out of- Xander, Anya, and Spike looking at Buffy. Dawn in the magic shop stealing stuff. GILES VOICEOVER: We can't ignore this kind of behavior. Something needs to be done before it spins out of control. Tara and Willow in their room. TARA: Can you just be kissing me now? Willow and Tara kissing. Spike and Buffy struggling in the bathroom. SPIKE: I'm gonna make you feel it! BUFFY: No, stop! Buffy pushing Spike away. BUFFY: Ask me again why I could never love you. Spike on his motorcycle. SPIKE: Get nice and comfy, Slayer. I'll be back. Spike riding off. Warren storming into the back yard. WARREN: Think you can just do that to me? Warren shooting at Xander and Buffy. Tara getting shot. Willow getting blood on her shirt. WILLOW: Tara? Xander looking at the injured Buffy. Willow holding Tara. WILLOW: Tara! Willow talking to the demon. WILLOW: Bring her back! DEMON: It is done! WILLOW: Nooooo! Xander watching the paramedics work on Buffy. ANYA VOICEOVER: Something terrible has happened, I know. Willow with the words from the magic books sliding up her arms. ANYA: You don't have to- WILLOW: I need power. Willow and Buffy in the hospital room. XANDER: Will, what are you doing? She's gonna die. WILLOW: No she isn't. The bullet lifting out of Buffy's body. Willow stopping the bus on the side of the road. BUFFY VOICEOVER: We need to find Willow. Spike in the cave. DEMON: You want to return to your former self. SPIKE: Bitch is gonna see a change. Willow tormenting Warren in the forest. WARREN: Somebody! Please! God! WILLOW: Bored now. Warren's skin being torn off. BUFFY: Willow, what did you do? WILLOW: One down. Willow disappearing. [SCENE_BREAK] Teaser [SCENE_BREAK] XANDER: I think I'm gonna be sick. ANYA: Again? BUFFY: Xander, we don't have time. XANDER: (panting) I know, it's just ... what happened back there, the sounds of it. The smell. (Anya looking impatient) BUFFY: I know. XANDER: Willow did that. BUFFY: That's why we have to keep moving. Buffy puts her hand on Xander's shoulder and coaxes him back into motion. BUFFY: You heard what she said, "One down." ANYA: So we're talking about "two to go," right, Jonathan and whatshisface, the other guy. BUFFY: Andrew. They're sitting at county jail without a clue Willow's coming. XANDER: You don't think she's gonna kill them too? She wouldn't. It doesn't make sense. BUFFY: Willow's got an addictive personality, and she just tasted blood. She could be there already. ANYA: No. She couldn't, a witch at her level. She can only go airborne. (they stop walking and look at her) It's a thing. More flashy, impresses the locals, but it does take longer. XANDER: Longer than what? ANYA: Teleporting. And Anya disappears in a swirl of magic. XANDER: Right. Vengeance demon. (sarcastic) Well, at least she'll get there first. BUFFY: I'm counting the ways that could go wrong. (they resume walking) XANDER: Well, Anya can handle herself. BUFFY: Against Willow? Tonight ? Don't be too sure. XANDER: Well ... she should be coming down at some point, shouldn't she? I mean, back there she was out of her head ... running on grief and magicks. BUFFY: Doesn't matter . Willow just killed someone. Killing people changes you. Believe me, I know. XANDER: Warren was a cold-blooded killer of women just warming up. You ask me, that b*st*rd had it coming to him. BUFFY: Maybe. Andrew and Jonathan don't. They walk a moment in silence. XANDER: This is still Willow we're dealing with, right? BUFFY: I hope so. Whatever she's going through, we have to stop her. And maybe we can actually do that if we can get to your... They pause, looking at something ahead. Shot of a car half-hidden by bushes, with smoke coming out of the hood. The camera pans around and we see that there's also a large hole in the windshield. BUFFY: ...car. XANDER: Willow. BUFFY: I guess she wants to finish the job without us tagging along. (looks at Xander) Meet me at the jail. XANDER: Sure, how are you gonna... Buffy starts running. She does a huge leap over the car and surrounding bushes and runs off at slayer-speed. XANDER: (calls after her) Okay, then, I'll just ... catch up. She's only my best friend, you know. No big deal, just... He trails off in frustration. He has walked up to the car and now he slams his fist down on its lid angrily. Then winces in pain. XANDER: ...glad I could help. Wolf howl, opening credits. Guest Starring Danny Strong, Tom Lenk, and Jeff Kober. Written by Douglas Petrie, directed by Bill Norton. [SCENE_BREAK] Act I [SCENE_BREAK] Open on exterior shot of the Sunnydale police station, night. Cut to inside, lobby. Various cops and civilians going around doing paperwork, etc. Cut to the hallway on the cell block. A guard sits at a desk at the end of the hall. A janitor goes by, mopping the floor. We see Jonathan standing by the bars of his cell, holding the bars, while in the background Andrew is sitting on the lower bunk bed holding his wrist up to his ear. ANDREW: Dude. Move like, a foot to your left. JONATHAN: (not moving) What for? ANDREW: I'm trying to hear something. JONATHAN: Like what? Andrew prods his wrist. ANDREW: (conspiratorially) Signals. JONATHAN: Oh, for crying out loud. (turns to face Andrew) Signals? Who from, your probe-happy alien friends? Say, maybe we can trade a pack of cigarettes in for tin foil. Make you a nice antenna hat. ANDREW: Laugh it up, fuzzball. I figured it out. (softly) Warren never abandoned us. Well, not me, anyway. This is like his test. If we can figure out how he's communicating with us, then we'll be, you know, worthy. JONATHAN: (incredulous) You're checking for implants? ANDREW: (defensive) Lex Luthor had a false epidermis escape kit in "Superman Versus the Amazing Spider-Man" Treasury edition- JONATHAN: Okay, first of all, those were sonic disrupters. And second of all ... you are sadness personified. Waiting for Warren? Yeah, maybe he'll come bust us out of here on Santa's magic sleigh. ANDREW: (stands up angrily) I'm telling him you said that. JONATHAN: Why wait? I'll tell him right now. Jonathan grabs Andrew's elbow and holds it up to his own face. JONATHAN: Hey, Warren, do you read me, your girlfriend's pathetic, over. ANDREW: (pulls his arm away) Shut up, Jerk-athan! You see this? This is why we get jet packs and all you get is left behind. JONATHAN: So you admit it. ANDREW: (shrugs) Why not? You were out of the Trio a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away and you know why, little feller? No respect for the chain of command. JONATHAN: Yeah, see how far it's gotten you. Checking every hole in your sad little body for transmitters that don't exist. ANDREW: Oh I'll find it if I have to check every hole in my body and yours. Andrew shoves Jonathan. Jonathan slaps at him. They grapple and start to fight, geek-style. JONATHAN: Get off! ANDREW: Make me! Suddenly Anya appears in their cell in a swirl of magic. The blast throws the two nerds against the bars. ANYA: There you two are. ANDREW: (to Jonathan) You do that? (Jonathan shaking his head) ANYA: Listen to me. We have to get you out of here or you'll both be killed. (calls) Guard! JONATHAN: What's going on? ANYA: Guard! ANDREW: Stop that! (to Jonathan) I don't trust her. Do you trust her? This is major uncool. JONATHAN: Um, Anya, you're gonna have to break this down for us a little. ANYA: (annoyed) Warren shot Buffy. Warren shot Tara. Buffy's alive. Tara's dead. Willow found out, and being the most powerful Wicca in the western hemisphere, decided to get the payback. With interest. Jonathan looks sobered. ANDREW: Wh-what about Warren? ANYA: She killed him. Ripped him apart and bloodied up the forest doing it. Now she's coming here and the two of you are next. ANDREW: Oh my god ... Warren. JONATHAN: Oh my god ... me. (turns to the bars and yells) Guard! ANDREW: But we didn't do anything. JONATHAN: Guard! The policeman at the desk gets up and walks over. OFFICER: All right, all right, what do you... He sees Anya in the cell and pauses, confused. OFFICER: Who the hell are you? ANYA: Something's coming. Something bad. You have to let these men out of here or I guarantee you there will be hell to pay. OFFICER: Okay, uh ... what exactly's coming? ANYA: One of the many things in this world you are not prepared to deal with. OFFICER: (scoffs) That a fact? ANYA: Yes. And we're running out of time. So just believe me when I tell you... She quickly teleports herself out of the cage and reappears standing next to the guard. ANYA: ...these things are real. They're dangerous. And they're coming. Cut to outside. A cop sits in his police car looking at some paperwork. He looks up at the dashboard. A cup of coffee sits on the dashboard. Slowly it begins to jiggle, the coffee sloshing around in the cup. The cop stares at it. Suddenly a flash of lightning illuminates his face. He looks out the car window to his left. In the street a few feet away there's a whirling tornado of gray smoke, with lightning flashing around it. It coalesces into Willow. Leaves and random trash go flying down the street in the wind. The cop gets out of his car quickly. PATROL COP: What the hell was that? Willow walks toward him. Her eyes are normal at this point though her hair is still completely black. PATROL COP: Listen, I don't know what you think you're doing, but just- WILLOW: Take a nap. The cop falls down on the ground. Willow looks up at the police station building. She walks back a few steps to size it up. It's mostly brick, with large arched windows that have been bricked over. Cut back to the cell block. ANYA: ...so please, stop looking at me like it's your first trip to the circus and do your job. Let them out! Cut back to outside. Willow stands on the street, staring up at the second story of the building. Suddenly one of the bricks covering a window flies out. Cut back to the cell. The brick that came out was in the rear wall of Andrew and Jonathan's cell. They turn around to look, as a few more bricks come out too. Willow watches as more bricks come out of the wall, falling to shatter on the ground in front of her. Andrew and Jonathan flatten themselves against the bars, as far from the wall as they can get. The wall continues to come apart. OFFICER: You three stay here. ANDREW: Oh, like we have a choice! OFFICER: Don't move. You'll be safe here. The cop puts a hand on his gun and runs off. ANYA: Are you even listening?! This is the one place they won't be safe! Cut back to outside. Willow continues staring fixedly at the building. Bricks continue to pop out. Now a piece of the surrounding wall falls out as well. Another big chunk of the wall comes out and falls onto a parked police car underneath. More cops begin to rush out from the building, yelling. Willow puts up a hand. WILLOW: Back off. A cop goes flying backward and slams into another car. The other cops keep coming. Another one of them goes flying. One of the remaining cops turns to stop the ones coming out from the building. COP: Hold it! The remaining cops stop several yards away from Willow, pointing their guns at her and yelling. Cut back to the cell as the wall continues to come apart. ANDREW: (scared) Stop it, just stop! (to Jonathan) Why is she doing this? Tell her, we didn't do anything. JONATHAN: Yes we did. We signed on, we teamed up, we wanted to see where our plans would take us, well take a look. Another shot of the wall being ripped apart. JONATHAN: This is it. ANDREW: Maybe for you. Cut to outside. A bunch of cops are lined up facing Willow, pointing guns at her. Buffy comes running up and stops beside the building, peering around the corner at the scene. We see it from Buffy's point of view: Willow standing surrounded by bricks and pieces of mortar, the crowd of cops pointing guns at her and yelling, other cops helping each other up off the ground. Buffy turns and finds a door right behind her. She puts her hand on the knob. Cut back to the cell. ANDREW: Anya. Teleport us out of here, please. Take us with you. ANYA: I can't. It doesn't work that way. ANDREW: Oh, god. (more pieces of the wall coming off) HELP! Cut to the lobby. More cops go running across, headed for the front. Various sounds of yelling. Behind them a door smashes open, kicked by Buffy. She runs in, vaults over a divider wall, runs to the stairs and starts up. Cut to outside. Willow is still looking up at the hole in the building as a crowd of cops gathers in front of her, pointing guns and yelling. Willow puts her hands out and down by her hips, and lifts up into the air, floating toward the hole. Cut to the cell. Willow appears in the hole in the wall, grabs the sides of it and climbs inside. The cell is empty. Willow looks around, then sees that the cell bars have been bent aside, making a hole. WILLOW: Buffy. Reveal Anya standing in the hallway just beyond the bars. ANYA: Willow , just stop for a second and listen to- Willow lifts her hands and hits Anya with a blast of magic. Anya flies backward and hits the opposite wall, falls down unconscious. Willow turns away and screams a shrill, loud scream of anger. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act II [SCENE_BREAK] Same scene: Willow still screaming. Cut to the street. Buffy, Jonathan, and Andrew come out of the police station through the same door that Buffy entered earlier. Willow's scream is audible. Andrew has his hands over his ears. ANDREW: Aah! What is that sound? God, it kills. BUFFY: We have to make a run for it. Buffy peeks around the corner. We see the cops still gathered by the front door, holding their guns and staring upward. Some cops covering their ears. ANDREW: Are you kidding? She's like Dark Phoenix up there! You expect us just to outrun her? BUFFY: Pretty much. A police car comes roaring up behind them. We see Xander at the wheel. XANDER: Get in. Buffy pushes Andrew and Jonathan toward the door. They start to climb into the car. Buffy runs around to the other side. The car starts moving with Buffy not yet in. It starts around the corner toward the gathered cops. Buffy runs alongside, gets the door open and jumps in. The car speeds off. A couple of cops yell and chase it briefly. The screaming noise continues throughout all this. Cut to a little later. The car drives down a dark street. BUFFY: Is she coming? XANDER: (checking rear-view mirror) I don't see anything. BUFFY: (to Jonathan and Andrew in the back seat) Are you guys all right? They stare at her. She realizes it was a dumb question. BUFFY: Are you injured? JONATHAN: I, I don't think so. ANDREW: Where are you taking us? BUFFY: (pauses) We'll find someplace safe and we'll keep you there until we can stop Willow. ANDREW: Run and hide, that's your brilliant plan? JONATHAN: I don't believe this. XANDER: Boys, if you don't knock it off, I will pull this car over and you can just walk to your painful deaths from here. Cut to the police station. Willow walks out the front door. She pauses, looks around, starts off in the direction the car went. Cut back to the car. JONATHAN: I don't get it. Willow's a witch. Why doesn't she just , you know, wave her arms and make us dead? BUFFY: Because she doesn't want you dead. She wants to kill you. ANDREW: But we didn't do anything. Buffy twists around in her seat and punches Andrew in the face. ANDREW: (whiny) Ow! XANDER: Hate to admit it, Buff, but Jonathan may have a point. Why isn't she right here right now? BUFFY: (uncertain) Maybe she's just getting her mojo up and running. Or maybe she hasn't figured out exactly how much power she really has yet. (beat) Neither have we. XANDER: Guess we keep running, then. JONATHAN: I still can't believe that was Willow. I mean, I've known her almost as long as you guys. Willow was ... you know. She packed her own lunches and wore floods and was always... just Willow. Beat. Both Buffy and Xander look pensive. Suddenly the entire car shakes violently. We see something behind it, very close. Xander looks in the mirror. JONATHAN: Geez it! ANDREW: What was that? Reveal a large truck behind the car, with Willow standing on top of the truck's cab. Her eyes are all-black again. She holds her hands in front of her, elbows extended, palms facing out. XANDER: Just Willow. The truck races along immediately behind the car. Pan down from Willow to reveal the truck driver, struggling with the steering wheel, then giving up and throwing his hands up in the air. Buffy and Xander look nervously at their side mirrors. Shot of the truck from the rear window of the car. The truck's grille looms very close. The truck speeds up and rams the back of the car a second time. Xander looks scared, keeps the car under control. The truck rams the car again. XANDER: O-okay, any ideas? BUFFY: Drive faster. The car speeds up and pulls ahead. But then the truck speeds up and catches up again. Another hit. The bumper of the car comes partly detached and scrapes along the ground. The truck hits the car yet again. Everyone in the car looks scared. XANDER: This is faster! JONATHAN: She knows you're in this car too, right? They look back at the truck. JONATHAN: Right?! Buffy looks back nervously. Shot of Willow grimacing, hunching over a little. JONATHAN: She's draining. XANDER: She's what-ing? Willow grimaces more, falls down to a sitting position on top of the truck. JONATHAN: Just keep going. Long shot of the car and truck rounding a corner onto a wide, deserted four-lane road. The car's bumper still drags behind, throwing up sparks. Xander concentrates on his driving. Shot of Willow now on all fours and staring at the car, still grimacing. Buffy, Andrew, and Jonathan watch anxiously from within the car. The truck driver yanks at the wheel and finds it responding now. He swerves left, then right. Much screeching of tires. The truck comes to a stop. The car continues speeding away. The driver gives a sigh of relief. Andrew and Jonathan watch through the rear window of the car. ANDREW: (relieved laugh) Cool. The car speeds on, the bumper finally detaching completely and lying in the middle of the road. Cut to: Spike's crypt. Dawn is standing by the windows, looking out nervously, fidgeting. CLEM: (O.S.) Not that I'm knocking the nacho cheese ones. I like the taste. It's just the texture I can't deal with. Dawn ignores him. Reveal Clem with two separate bowls of chips in front of him. He picks up a chip and eats it, contemplating. CLEM: So gritty. (Dawn looking at him) Kinda hurts my tongue. So, I'd give 'em a seven. Maybe a seven-five ... and, you think this is dumb, don't you? DAWN: Uh, no! No, as taste tests go, this is definitely one of the better ones I've been to. CLEM: I get it. No biggie. (sighs) Uh, you wanna play cards? DAWN: Clem... CLEM: I can be a real boredom-buster, if you just give me half a chance. DAWN: It's not you. CLEM: Still, I feel responsible. (walking over to her) It's not fair ... girl your age, cooped up in a crypt. Tell you what, let me get my hat and coat, I'll take you to a movie. We'll go nuts! (coaxing) PG-thirteen. DAWN: (frustrated) Clem! CLEM: Uh-huh? DAWN: Look at me. Do I look weak to you? O-or incapable? CLEM: Heck no. DAWN: So why am I stuck here? CLEM: (shrugs) No good reason I can see. (sighs) I'm still real sorry about what happened. If there's anything I can do to help ... just name it. DAWN: (sly) Anything? CLEM: Ohh ... you're not going to get yourself in trouble now, are you? Or me? 'Cause your sister's the Slayer; I'm a demon, that's real good incentive to get along with her. DAWN: I need a demon to help me. She walks a little ways toward the door. DAWN: Spike would have. CLEM: Spike's gone. Dawn looks upset. Cut to: the African cave. It's very dark. Spike stands there, shirtless and barefoot, wearing his black pants, pacing a little. The shadowy demon from "Villains" speaks to him. DEMON: You understand, then. SPIKE: Yeah. (bored) Yeah, it's not like you haven't been clear about it, oh great mysterious one. This is a test. I don't get what I want unless I pass said test. That about the size and shape? DEMON: Yes. SPIKE: And since your pad is decked out gladiator-style, and no number two pencils have been provided ... I guess we're not starting with the written. Spike looks around nervously. A person walks up behind him. Spike turns and sees him. He appears to be human, but very large and muscular. SPIKE: Oh, here we go then. Just me and the walking action figure. I'm venturing this would be the kill-or-be-killed type of situation, then? DEMON: To the death. SPIKE: Right. Spike faces his opponent, anticipating. SPIKE: Here we are now. Entertain us. The muscled man holds up his fists and smacks his forearms together. Both his hands burst into flame. Spike looks alarmed. SPIKE: Oh, son of a b... Muscle-man punches Spike in the head. He goes down. Another punch. Spike scrambles backward on his butt and hands. Shot of muscle-man from Spike's POV as the flaming fist swings down again. Cut to: a back alley somewhere, night. Two people walk along. Cut closer to reveal they are Clem and Dawn. DAWN: Rack's place was right around here last time. CLEM: Oh, huh, I don't feel anything. (quickly) Oh well. Not here. Let's go home. DAWN: You don't feel anything because his place moves. I told you. (they stop walking) CLEM: Know why Rack moves all the time? Because he's shady. A bad element comes down here. DAWN: I get that. But Willow's part of it now. She is the element. If she isn't around somewhere, Rack may know where she is. Which is why we need to talk to him. CLEM: (nervous) We? In a face to face way? DAWN: (impatient) Or me. I'll go in there without you. CLEM: No, no, it's fine, I'm good, it's just, Rack isn't partial to the floppy-eared. (Dawn looking skeptical) He has a thing! But, but hey, I'm in. Absolutely. DAWN: Either way. Just get me there. (resumes walking) CLEM: Say Rack does know where Willow is. He's not going to tell you for nothing. He's gonna want something. DAWN: I have money. CLEM: (sighs) That's not the kind of something he's gonna want. Rack likes little girls. DAWN: (stops walking, angrily) I am not a little girl. CLEM: I, I don't know if you've thought this through. I'm supposed to keep you safe (Dawn looking annoyed) and this whole thing is... I mean, even if you find Willow ... you really think you can stop her? Dawn stares at him, not sure what to say. Cut to the magic shop. The door opens and Anya enters, followed by Xander, then Andrew, Jonathan, and Buffy. Anya strides into the middle of the room impatiently. XANDER: Thanks, Anya, for getting here so fast. It's a big help. ANYA: Once again, Xander in need of the big help. XANDER: Whatever. So, can you still sense Willow? Knowing her location'd be a real big comfort right about now. They go over to the table that still holds the pile of now blank magic books. ANYA: No, I can't. Which means whatever she's feeling, it's gone way beyond simple vengeance. XANDER: Did I mention me needing the comfort? BUFFY: Whatever we've got, better grab it fast. This is one of the first places she's gonna think to look for us. ANDREW: (alarmed) Then what are we doing here? You know, I could summon a demon that would kill her. They all turn to look at him, angry. XANDER: And I could smack you so hard your eyeballs would switch sockets. BUFFY: No one is getting killed. Sit down. Jonathan and Andrew go to sit down. Anya moves off. BUFFY: We need to find some sort of magicks that'll stop Willow. Or at least slow her down. XANDER: But she drained the place. Anya does something at the cash register. Buffy and Xander look at the blank books. XANDER: (holding up a book) Took everything. ANYA: Not everything. Anya has a small key in her hand. She reaches under the counter to pull something out. XANDER: What is it? Xander and Buffy walk over. Anya produces a medium-sized wooden chest. She opens it and takes out a book. ANYA: Um, book of protection spells. Anti-magic, our last resort. XANDER: Think you can work this stuff? ANYA: (looking at book) Ah. Okay. Well, the good news is, text is intact. Bad news is, ah, I can't read a word of it. It's like in, ancient Sumerian or something. Close on the book, whose yellowing pages are covered in symbols. Jonathan gets up, walks a little closer. JONATHAN: Could I take a look at it? BUFFY: Shut up. JONATHAN: Right. Jonathan starts to turn back to his seat, pauses, addresses Buffy. JONATHAN: I just thought, you know, as long as you're protecting us, the least I could do is- BUFFY: I'm not protecting you, Jonathan. None of us are. We're doing this for Willow. The only reason it happens to be your lucky day? Is because Willow kills you, she crosses a line, I lose a friend. (gets right up in Jonathan's face) And I hate losing. JONATHAN: I get that. It's just ... you know she's running out of power, right? I can tell. I can practically feel it. (quietly, embarrassed) I've dabbled in the magicks. XANDER: I think Willow's in a league of her own about now, dabble-boy. JONATHAN: But still, running that hot for that long, it's just a matter of time before you gotta re-charge, no matter how juiced up you are. BUFFY: Thank you. Now you remember that thing we talked about? JONATHAN: About me shutting up? Buffy nods. JONATHAN: (whispers) Right. He goes back to his seat beside Andrew. Xander pulls Buffy aside. XANDER: Buffy, let's say this works. And we stop Willow from working the hoodoo for a minute. What then? BUFFY: I talk to her. XANDER: Great. And say what? Buffy takes off her hat, runs her hand through her hair, sighs. BUFFY: Look ... whatever she's gonna do, she starts with those two. (indicating Andrew and Jonathan) They're the line she cannot cross. And if she's running low on magicks ? Then she's probably somewhere right now trying to get it all back. Cut to: Rack's place, night. The door opens (POV of someone entering the room), revealing a junkie boy lying blissed-out on the floor with his eyes closed, holding a lit cigarette. Pan over to Rack, sitting on the floor between a sofa and a coffee-table, laying out runestones on the sofa. He doesn't look at the camera. RACK: Hey, babe. I been waiting for you. He lays down another stone and looks over. Reveal Willow standing in the doorway, her eyes back to normal. RACK: Guess the rehab didn't take, huh. That's the way it goes sometimes. He gets up and walks slowly toward her. RACK: But I gotta say ... I could feel you coming a mile away, the power you got. And you know something, sweetness? (whispers) I liked it. He keeps moving closer, all sleazy and creepy-seductive. Willow doesn't react, just stands there. RACK: When you first came to me, you were just a little ... slip of a girl. He gets right up behind Willow, puts his hands on her shoulders and moves them down out of shot. RACK: Look at you now, all ... growed up. So full of dark juice. He moves to the other side of her, still behind her, his hands on her shoulders. He reaches up and brushes hair back from her face, nuzzles her ear. She still just stands there. RACK: And you still taste like strawberries. Only now ... (moves around in front of her) ...you're ripe. He stays right there in her face, almost like he's about to kiss her. He even puts his hand on her chin. RACK: You came because you want something. Don't you? Willow nods slowly. RACK: I thought so. (stroking her cheek) So tell me, Strawberry... Now his mouth is barely an inch away from Willow's as he continues to caress her cheek with one hand. RACK: ...what on this earth do you want? Willow lifts her own hand to touch Rack's face the same way. But then she starts to squeeze. WILLOW: Just to take a little tour. Suddenly her other hand comes up and smacks onto Rack's chest. Magic begins to flow. Rack gasps and groans helplessly. His body glows and little sparks of lightning flash around him. Willow continues to hold him by the chin with one hand with her other hand on his chest, slowly lifting him up off the ground as the magic crackles between them. Rack continues making little pained groaning noises. Cut to the alley. It's empty. A car goes by. Cut to Rack's waiting room. Clem enters through the shimmery magic wall, looks around, walks farther inside. Dawn appears behind him. DAWN: Yay, Clem, making with the demon senses! I knew you'd find this place. Clem looks around nervously. CLEM: (softly) It's not very clean. DAWN: Don't wig out on me again. CLEM: It's just, I'm still not so sure you should be here. I'm not so sure *I* should be here. DAWN: It'll only take a minute. Come on. Dawn walks toward the door that leads to the inner room. Clem watches nervously but doesn't follow her. She turns back, sighs. DAWN: You wanna wait here? CLEM: (relieved) If that works for you... DAWN: Be right back. She opens the door. Clem looks around, sighs nervously. Cut to the inner room. Dawn enters slowly, looking around. DAWN: Willow? She turns slowly, and suddenly comes face-to-face with Rack -- hanging upside down, with his head at Dawn's eye-level, dead. Dawn screams, whimpers, turns frantically toward the door. But Willow is in the way. WILLOW: Hey, cutie. Dawn stares in horror. Willow's hair is all black, her eyes are all black, and dark veins are visible all over her face. She gives a little smile. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act III [SCENE_BREAK] Open on the same scene. We see Rack's floating corpse in foreground and Dawn staring fearfully at Willow in background. WILLOW: Dawnie, what are you doing here? 'Cause if you're looking for me? Now's not a great time. DAWN: You look terrible. WILLOW: Do I? Willow starts to move closer to Dawn. DAWN: You're back on the magicks. WILLOW: No, honey. I am the magicks. DAWN: (backing away as Willow advances) Did you kill that guy? WILLOW: (shrugging) It's an improvement, believe me. DAWN: (very nervous) I have to go. Dawn rushes past Willow and toward the door -- and suddenly Willow is in front of her again, blocking the door. Dawn gives a little yelp of fear. WILLOW: Why? So you can run and tell Buffy? DAWN: Willow ... please, just listen to me. WILLOW: You don't have to talk. Just think real loud. I can hear you. Willow advances again, and Dawn backs up again. DAWN: You're freaking me out. WILLOW: Oh, don't be like that. I'm just a little wired. And I have some things to do. I thought if anybody'd understand- DAWN: I miss Tara, too! Willow stops cold, glares. DAWN: But this? What you're doing here? This is not the way to go! You're only going to make things worse! But I promise, it's not too late to- WILLOW: You miss her? DAWN: (shocked) Yes. WILLOW: Did you cry? (Dawn still looking shocked) Of course you did. I get that. Willow resumes walking toward Dawn, and Dawn resumes backing away. WILLOW: I understand the crying, you cry because you're human. But you weren't always. DAWN: (hurt) Yes, I was. WILLOW: No, please. You're telling me you don't remember? You used to be some ... mystic ball of energy. Maybe that's why you're crying all the time, Dawnie. 'Cause you don't belong here. Dawn finds herself backed up against the wall, gasping anxiously. WILLOW: Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'll be happier. We'll all be a lot happier without listening to the constant whining. DAWN: (tearful and angry) Willow, stop... WILLOW: (mock-whining) "Mom!" "Buffy!" "Tara!" "Waah!" It's time you go back to being a little energy ball. Dawn looks very scared. WILLOW: No more tears, Dawnie. Willow's voice echoes weirdly on that last line. Dawn whimpers and presses back against the wall. Willow smiles a little, advancing right up to Dawn. Loud bang from behind. Willow turns. Buffy stands in the doorway. BUFFY: I think you need to get away from her. Cut to the Magic Box. Anya sits behind the counter with the magic book open in front of her, a notebook next to her, and a pen in her hand. Xander stands right behind her looking at another book. ANYA: You're too close. XANDER: How am I supposed to read? ANYA: I don't know, I'm staring right at this stuff and I can't read it. XANDER: Well, how's the translation coming? (Anya looking very annoyed)What have we got so far? ANYA: (sighs, looks at notebook) So far we've got "the." Well, either "the" or "towards," I'm not really sure. (writes something down) I can't do this. I'm in retail. Stupid ancient Sumerian. JONATHAN: (O.S.) I'm pretty sure it's Babylonian. Anya and Xander look up. Jonathan is standing on the opposite side of the counter. JONATHAN: The text is similar, but the dialect is completely different. XANDER: Great. Babylonian. Thanks a bushel. But unless you can read Babylonian, why don't you sit back down. Jonathan goes back to sit next to Andrew again. ANDREW: (softly) Why are you helping them? JONATHAN: Because they're saving our lives, you moron. ANDREW: Uh-huh. And what then? Even if they kill that Wicca bitch, you think they're just gonna let us walk? They own us. JONATHAN: So what do you want me to do? ANDREW: Look around. You know magic. We're in a magic shop. We can take them. Jonathan looks at him incredulously. ANDREW: The books are sucked dry, but so what? There's still like tons of supplies all around us. This is the best chance we're gonna get to make it out of here. JONATHAN: And do what? ANDREW: Start over. We can be a Duo. You and me. You can even be the leader, I swear, I'll take orders. (Jonathan looking contemplative) I like taking orders. Just tell me what to do. Jonathan looks like he's considering it. JONATHAN: You want an order? Suddenly Jonathan jumps up, grabbing Andrew by the front of his shirt, and slams him against a bookcase. JONATHAN: Grow up. XANDER: Hey now, play nice, fellas, or you'll break our concentration. ANYA: Which means no protection spell. Jonathan lets go of Andrew. XANDER: And Willow will make you two boneless chickens skinless, too. ANDREW: And then what? You think your little witch buddy's gonna stop with us? (Xander and Anya glaring at him) You saw her! She's a truck-driving Magic Mama! And we've got maybe seconds before Darth Rosenberg grinds everybody into Jawa-burgers, and not one of you bunch has the midichlorians to stop her. XANDER: You've never had any tiny bit of s*x, have you? ANYA: The annoying virgin has a point. What if Willow fillets their soles and then comes after us? XANDER: She won't. ANYA: You don't know that. XANDER: We're her friends, Anya. Her family. She would never hurt us. ANYA: She tried to use you for a hood ornament, Xander. She doesn't care if you live or die. Xander looks stung by that. XANDER: Guess you two finally have something in common Beat. Anya looks slightly chastised. She turns back to her research. ANYA: I care if you live or die, Xander. I'm just not sure which one I want. XANDER: Again with the comfort. Look, we both know things might get ugly at, uh, Wiccapalooza. And if it gets really bad... ANYA: (still not looking at him) Let me guess. You'll propose? Xander looks a bit hurt by that too, but he presses on. XANDER: I need to know if you're gonna turn on me. Use this little shindig as an excuse for some sweet revenge. ANYA: (finally turns to look at him) There is nothing in this world that could give me greater or more lasting satisfaction than to reap bloody vengeance upon you, Xander Harris. But I can't. Not officially, not magically . (sarcastic) So smile, it's your lucky day. You got away with it, I can't hurt you. XANDER: Right, 'cause you varnishing the table with Spike, how could that possibly have hurt? It may have chafed... ANYA: (more quietly) That wasn't vengeance. It was solace. Xander looks surprised and very hurt. Anya looks upset too. ANYA: (sighs) Look ... I really can't hurt you, so, I'm just gonna have to settle for hating you. XANDER: If that's what you need to do. ANYA: (angry) Don't! You don't get to play the martyr. XANDER: I'm not. ANYA: You know, none of this would be happening if it weren't for you. XANDER: You think I don't know that? You think I'm the hero of this piece? (upset) I saw the gun. Before Warren raised it, I ... I saw it, and I couldn't move. He shot two of my friends ... before I could even... You want me to know how useless I am? That it's my fault? Thanks. Already got the memo. Anya looks sympathetic. ANYA: (softly) I was talking about us. They return to studying their books. Cut back to Rack's. BUFFY: You need to back down a minute and think, Will. WILLOW: I wasn't gonna hurt her. Buzzkill. DAWN: (whispers, upset) She tried to turn me back... BUFFY: (advancing slowly) You're attacking the people who love you now? WILLOW: Only the ones in my way. BUFFY: That's not ... You need help. WILLOW: I'm doing fine on my own, thanks. Buffy gets right up next to them, still moving slowly. Suddenly she reaches out and grabs Dawn. BUFFY: Dawn, get out of here. Go! Dawn runs to the door, but it's suddenly locked. WILLOW: Don't. We're all friends. BUFFY: Willow, I know what you want to do, but you have to listen to me. The forces inside you are incredibly powerful. They're strong ... but you're stronger. (Dawn cowering in the corner) You have to remember you're still Willow. WILLOW: (scoffs) Let me tell you something about Willow. (advancing toward Buffy) She's a loser. And she always has been. People picked on Willow in junior high school, high school, up until college. With her stupid mousy ways. And now? Willow's a junkie. BUFFY: I can help. WILLOW: The only thing Willow was ever good for... She pauses, drops the bitter sarcasm and grows pensive. WILLOW: ...the only thing I had going for me ... were the moments - just moments - when Tara would look at me and I was wonderful. (grimly) And that will never happen again. BUFFY: I know this hurts. Bad. But Willow, if you let loose with the magicks, it will never end. WILLOW: (smiles nastily) Promise? BUFFY: You don't want that. WILLOW: Why not? Dawn moves away from the wall and approaches them. BUFFY: Because you lose everything. Your friends, your self... Willow, if you let this control you then the world goes away. And all of us with it. There's so much to live for. (forcefully) Will, there's too much- WILLOW: (scoffs) Oh, please! This is your pitch? Buffy, you hate it here as much as I do. I'm just more honest about it. BUFFY: That's not true. WILLOW: You're trying to sell me on the world. The camera starts to do a slow turn thing where it stays focused on Willow but the background turns behind her... WILLOW: The one where you lie to your friends when you're not trying to kill them? And you screw a vampire just to feel? And insane asylums are the comfy alternative? This world? Buffy, it's me. I know you were happier when you were in the ground. The only time you were ever at peace in your whole life is when you were dead. Until Willow brought you back. The background has been changing as it turns... WILLOW: You know, with magic? Buffy suddenly blinks, looks disoriented. WILLOW: Oh. Sorry, the trip can be kind of rough... Dawn, standing next to Willow, is looking shocked and disoriented too. We see that they are now in the Magic Shop. WILLOW: ...if you're, you know , not me. We see Xander behind the counter, staring at them in surprise. Dawn looks around, suddenly collapses on the floor. BUFFY: Dawn! Buffy kneels next to Dawn. Willow turns, spots the remaining two Nerds sitting at the table again. Willow smiles. WILLOW: Jonathan. Andrew. (the geeks looking scared) You boys like magic, don't you? She smiles as magic starts to flow around her. WILLOW: Abracadabra. She lifts both her hands toward them. Streams of purple-black magic flow from her hands and toward them. A breeze ruffles her hair. Lightning flashes. Blackout. [SCENE_BREAK] Act IV [SCENE_BREAK] Same scene. Willow is throwing magic at the Nerds, but it stops before it actually reaches them. Willow stops. WILLOW: Okay. Didn't see that coming. The Nerds are unharmed, and surprised. ANDREW: W-what was that? JONATHAN: We're alive. WILLOW: You guys want to take it slow? (Jonathan and Andrew exchanging a fearful look) I can do that, too. (smiles) Ask Warren. Willow lifts her hands and resumes with the magic. Shot of Buffy sitting on the floor beside Dawn, both leaning against the counter looking weak. BUFFY: Don't! Willow continues throwing magic across the table at the Geeks, who are scared but untouched. Reveal Anya in a hidden nook around the corner, holding the magic book and muttering in Sumerian, or possibly Babylonian. She looks nervously around the corner and we can see the light from Willow's magic illuminating Anya. She looks back down at the book, continuously chanting. Willow stops again. Jonathan and Andrew exchange another fearful look. JONATHAN: Let's get out of here. They move toward one side of the table to go around it. Willow moves that way too. They stop, run the other way and toward the door to the back, which is standing open. WILLOW: No no, stay. The door closes itself in front of them. They stop, turn back. WILLOW: I mean, we're just getting started. Behind Willow, Buffy and Dawn finally get up. Jonathan and Andrew grab swords that are hanging on the wall. WILLOW: I've got big party plans. BUFFY: Will- XANDER: (to Buffy) No, don't. WILLOW: Guys, come on. I'm just getting wood for the violence here. And you know what they say ... if at first you don't succeed... She lifts her hands and starts blasting magic again. Cut to the cave. Spike hurtles against a wall, groaning. He has a large bruise or burn on his chest, and various other burns and injuries. He slumps down onto the ground, wipes blood from his mouth with the back of one hand. SPIKE: Had enough? He pulls himself to his feet. The muscle-man with the flaming hands punches Spike again. He stumbles backward, goes around a large pillar, comes out from the other side and takes a swing. Muscle-man ducks, punches Spike again. He reels against another wall, bounces back, takes a few more punches and goes down. [NEXT_ON] SPIKE: (holding up his burnt hand) Bad move, bad move, bad move... He ducks another punch, grabs muscle-man's arm and flips him over onto his back. While muscle-man is on the ground, Spike kicks him in the groin, flipping him over. Spike straddles muscle-man's shoulders and takes hold of his head, twists it violently, breaking his neck. Spike straightens up, panting. SPIKE: Looks like local boy loses. The demon reappears, still in shadow so we can't see it too clearly. DEMON: So it would appear. SPIKE: Good on me, then. I get what I came for. I passed, right? DEMON: Indeed. You have passed the first stage of the test. SPIKE: Right, I get... (pauses) Wait. First stage? Silence. The demon's eyes glow greenish-blue. SPIKE: Bugger. Cut back to the Magic Box. Willow is still sending magic toward the Nerds. They stand wincing, holding their swords, as the magic fails to harm them. Willow stops again, seeming amused. WILLOW: Damn, that is one effective counter-spell. Jonathan and Andrew stare at her, scared, clutching the swords. WILLOW: Won't keep you alive, though. BUFFY: Will, stop. You need to give this up now. WILLOW: (ignoring her) I get it. You boys put a, a spell on yourselves, didn't you. Protecting you from harm ... from magicks. That's cute. BUFFY: Will, back off before somebody gets hurt. WILLOW: How 'bout I back off right after? (to nerds) So, which one of you boys worked the mojo? The nerds just stare, too scared to say anything. WILLOW: Doesn't matter, really. I'm just curious. Shot of Anya still hiding in her nook, chanting her protection spell. WILLOW: Just because I can't do magicks to you, doesn't mean I can't do them on myself. Magic crackles around Willow as she bends her head and mutters something in Latin(?). More swirling magic and crackles of lightning just around Willow. Then the magic fades and she lifts her head, smiling. WILLOW: Now I'm pretty sure I'm strong enough to beat you to death. The boys have retreated behind the table again. Willow reaches down and casually takes hold of a corner of the table, topples it over and throws it aside with ease. The books go flying, the table lies on its side. The boys look terrified. Willow starts toward them. Buffy moves over and blocks her way. BUFFY: I don't want to hurt you. Willow punches Buffy. Buffy flies backward a long way, crashing into a magazine rack against a wall. The geeks look even more scared. Xander looks alarmed, moves in front of Dawn. WILLOW: Not a problem. Willow starts toward the guys again. Buffy gets up, now wearing her kick-ass expression. She strides over to get in front of Willow again. BUFFY: I said I didn't *want* to. Buffy backhands Willow. Now it's Willow's turn to fly backward, crashing into a glass display case. Crash, tinkle, broken glass and wood and merchandise everywhere. Willow lands in a heap on the floor. BUFFY: Didn't say I wouldn't. Xander rushes toward the nerds. XANDER: Let's go. JONATHAN: What about Willow? XANDER: Buffy can handle her. DAWN: Are you sure? XANDER: No, that's why we're leaving. Xander, Dawn, Jonathan, and Andrew rush for the door. On the way, Xander passes Anya in her nook. XANDER: Come on! ANYA: I can't, I, I have to stay here to keep the spell going on Willow. XANDER: No, but... ANYA: (harshly) Go, do something right! Xander hesitates just another instant, then takes off with the others. Anya resumes chanting. Xander, Dawn, and the Nerds get to the door, open it, start out. Willow, still on the floor, looks up and sees this. WILLOW: No! Willow gets up, but Buffy strides up behind her and grabs the back of her jacket, throws her back away from the door. Willow slides across the floor, comes to a stop by the stairs leading up to the loft. Buffy stands there, ready. Willow gets up and faces Buffy. It's a showdown. Zoom in on Willow's face. Zoom in on Buffy's face. WILLOW: So. (smiling) Here we are. BUFFY: Are we really gonna do this? WILLOW: Come on, this is a huge deal for me! Six years as a side man, and now I get to be the Slayer. BUFFY: A killer isn't a Slayer. Being a Slayer means something you can't conceive of. WILLOW: (sighing, shaking her head) Oh, Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked. BUFFY: Then show me what you got. And I'll show you what a Slayer really is. They move toward each other and begin to fight. First they grapple and Willow tries a head-butt, then kicks Buffy in the stomach, punches her. Buffy ducks another swing and hits Willow, then punches her in the face. Willow does a spin-kick and gets Buffy in the face, then another kick. Buffy tries to kick Willow but Willow does a flip over her head, landing behind Buffy. Buffy turns and kicks Willow, tries to punch but Willow grabs her arm and hits her with her other hand. Willow throws Buffy across the room and against a bookcase. Cut to the street. Andrew, still holding his sword, walks along with the others. ANDREW: Where are you taking us? DAWN: Someplace safe. JONATHAN: Like where? DAWN: Xander? Xander walks fast, looking at a loss. XANDER: I don't know. Cut back to the Magic Box. Willow holds out her hand toward Buffy. Buffy is still up against the bookshelves, between them and the ladder leading to the loft. Books begin to fly off the shelves and hit Buffy, trapping her. She clings to the ladder. Willow turns and starts to walk off. Scraping noises as Buffy manages to push the ladder away and get out from behind it. She rushes Willow from behind, knocking her to the floor and getting on top of her. WILLOW: Get off, super-bitch. Willow throws Buffy off and she flies into the counter, shattering more glass. They grapple again and exchange some punches. Willow kicks Buffy several times, then Buffy kicks her and punches her. Willow swings but Buffy grabs her arm. BUFFY: I can help you stop. Willow breaks the hold and punches Buffy several times. WILLOW: I thought you were gonna show me what a Slayer was. Cut to the street. The group continues to run along, but Jonathan is falling behind. Still holding his sword, but he's panting and running painfully. JONATHAN: Can't ... run any more. (they stop) I need to ... breathe. He leans over with hands on his knees, gasping. XANDER: If you wanna keep breathing, you gotta keep moving. ANDREW: (to Xander) This is bogus. We gotta get out of this town. (realizing something, turning to Jonathan) Mexico. We should go to Mexico. XANDER: Hey. You're not going anywhere. We just gotta find a place to hide you two until we get the all-clear from Buffy. ANDREW: Yeah, and what if the Slayer's dead already? (Dawn looking alarmed) We're just supposed to sit around waiting for Sabrina to show up and disembowel us? XANDER: You do what I say to- Andrew suddenly lifts his sword, putting its point to Xander's throat. ANDREW: I don't think so. Cut back to the magic shop. Buffy punches Willow a few times, blocks her punch and shoves her across the room, bringing down more furniture and merchandise. More crashing, stuff shattered, etc. Willow sits up ... and notices Anya. Her hiding place has been revealed by the latest destruction of furniture. Anya continues chanting, staring right at Willow, looking scared but defiant. Buffy looks alarmed. WILLOW: Well, hey. Isn't that interesting. Anya's still here. Willow gets up. Buffy runs over to intercede but Willow just shoves her aside, into yet another table covered with stuff. More crashing and shattering. Anya keeps chanting defiantly, staring at Willow, who advances on her. WILLOW: Looks like I've been beating on the wrong gal. Cut back to the street. Xander stands very still with the sword point at his chin. XANDER: Whoa, whoa. Okay, Andy. Let's just put the sword down. ANDREW: Oh, no way. I'm not gonna die because of something I didn't even do. XANDER: You're not gonna die. Dawn steps forward. DAWN: (firmly) Leave him alone. Jonathan extends his own sword, putting its point on the back of Andrew's neck. JONATHAN: Let him go, Andrew. (beat) You heard me. ANDREW: You let me go first. JONATHAN: Uh-uh. Him. ANDREW: It's your move. JONATHAN: No. Yours. ANDREW: I'm not moving. (Dawn watching tensely) I'm not gonna budge 'til... Jonathan pushes his sword into Andrew's neck. ANDREW: ...right now. (whiny) Ow! Andrew lowers his sword and glares at Jonathan. JONATHAN: Xander's right. We're not leaving Sunnydale. When this is over, you and I are going back to jail to do our time. Cut to the Magic Box. Willow has Anya by the throat, holding her up off the ground. ANYA: Help me! Looking very scared, Anya looks past Willow to Buffy, lying apparently unconscious among the wreckage of the furniture. ANYA: Help me! (to Willow) You're hurting me. WILLOW: You can't block my spells if you can't chant. And you can't chant if you're sleepin'. Willow throws Anya aside. Anya crashes into another bookcase and falls to the ground, groaning, possibly unconscious. Willow looks over at Buffy, who is conscious now and gets to her feet. They square off again. WILLOW: Buffy ... I gotta tell ya ... I get it now. The Slayer thing really isn't about the violence. They circle around each other, watching each other carefully. WILLOW: It's about the power. Magic begins to crackle around Willow again. She lifts her hands and blasts Buffy with a bolt of magic. It throws Buffy back onto the desk. She slides across the desk and lands on the floor beside it, groaning. Willow walks a little closer, looking satisfied. Buffy doesn't get up, stays down with her forehead pressed against the floor, looking exhausted. WILLOW: And there's no one in the world with the power to stop me now. Suddenly a huge blast of green magic energy hits Willow from the side. She goes flying a huge distance across the room, lands on the floor and slides some more. She comes to a stop and lifts her head. Her nose is bleeding. She looks surprised, looks up in the direction the magic came from. Reveal Giles standing in the doorway, wearing a long black coat and no glasses. GILES: I'd like to test that theory. Blackout. End of episode. (since this was aired as a 2-hour movie with "Grave," there are no closing credits.)

The Scoobies continue to try and stop Dark Willow, who is now intent on destroying the world. After Dark Willow neutralizes Buffy, though, Xander is the only one left who can save the day. Meanwhile, in Africa, Spike completes the demon trials and gets his reward.

fd_The_Office_08x02

fd_The_Office_08x02_0

Jim: Hey, so this isn't matching up with this...and I'm not sure which one's right. Can you just hunt down the original for me? Kevin: Yes. Me do. Jim: Alright. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Hey Kev, what were you saying before about the paperwork? Kevin: Me do it now. Go. Stop worry. Pam: Kevin, do you feel OK? Kevin: Me feel good. Body strong. Sleep big last night. Pam: Yeah, I think we should get him to the hospital. Jim: Yeah, alright Kev why don't you come with us? Oscar: No, guys. Angela: No, he's fine. Oscar: He's fine. Angela: He's always been like that. Pam: No he hasn't. Angela: I mean, he's gotten worse over the years.... Oscar: He's making a statement. It's an ironic comment on our expectations of him. A funhouse image of our model of Kevin. Kevin: You keep think that. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Me mechanic not speak English. But he know what me mean when me say "car no go", and we best friends. So me think: why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Kevin, I appreciate what you're trying to do. Kevin: Thank. Andy: Here, we have a word code, the same way we have a dress code. And what we're talking about is...basically the speech equivalent... to just wearing underpants. Sometimes words, you no need use...but need need for talk talk. Kevin: But save time. More success. Jim: Does it save time though? 'Cause we've been here for about an hour. Kevin: No me fault. Pam: Kevin, at most you're saving a microscopic amount of time. Kevin: Many small time make big time. Andy: What are you gonna do with all this time? Kevin: See world. Pam: Kevin, you cannot possibly save enough time to see the world. Jim: K, Kevin, are you saying "See the world"? or "Sea World?" Kevin: See world. Oceans. Fish. Jump. China. Jim: No, see? Right there, that's the problem with your method. 'Cause I still don't know if you're saying "Sea World" or "see the world," and it's taking a lot of time to explain it. Kevin: Fine, fine. I'll talk normally. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: When me President, they see. [Nodding and smiling] They see. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: This week we are rolling out the brand new Sabre tablet....the Pyramid. [holds up triangle shaped touch pad] Phyllis: Ooh, why is it shaped like that? Dwight: So, you can tell your clients: "Unleash the power of the pyramid." Pam: It's huge. How much does it weigh? Dwight: Oh no no no. Without the battery pack and optional memory booster, it's barely three pounds. Ryan: How much memory does it have without the booster? Dwight: Fifty L. Ryan: I'm sorry," L"? Jim: How many L to a K? Dwight: You're really going to want the booster. Stanley: How on earth are we supposed to sell...? Jim: I'll take five. [Andy walks in with ties on his arm] Phyllis: Andy, don't make us sell this stupid thing. Andy: Oh, no no no no no. This is Dwight's meeting. Dwight: Thank you. Andy: I just wanted to pop in and get your opinions on ties...and tie clips. Which combo do you think Robert is going to like more? [To Oscar] What do you think, C-SPAN? Oscar: ..."C-SPAN"? Andy: Yeah. C-SPAN, cocker spaniel. Spaniel because of your Spanish bloodline and cocker cause...... Dwight: Is this really the best use of our collective time? Andy: I am still forming a first impression with Robert. Once it is formed, we can all relax. Ok, I'm sorry to hijack your meeting , D dub dog...had to pull rank. Dwight: [to group] OK, let's look at some ties. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Here's how I'm going to help out from now on. I'm going to not care, and I'm going to sit around quietly waiting for Andy's inevitable demise. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [To Oscar] Your friend Neil Patrick Harris really made me laugh the other night. Erin: Um, D-Dog, you have a message. Pam: Erin, you don't need to call him that. Erin: Andy wants us to, P-Dog. Darryl: It's ok E-Dog, just who called? Erin: Justine. She said she's coming by later. Jim: Your ex-wife? Kevin: Wait, I thought she was a **** and you ******* hated her guts? [Group murmurs, offended] Darryl: No no no no. I like her. Kevin: Well I'm just quoting you. I would never say that about her. I don't know the woman. Darryl: Nah man, we get along now. Real well. Jim: Wow. Alright. Can't wait to meet her. Darryl: I'll introduce you. [SCENE_BREAK] Darryl: Yeah, we had a few fights, I suppose. But last night we put a lot of that to bed. I can't tell you what I did with my ex wife last night.... I have to sing it. [singing] We took a shower, we were naked. We ska dap dap doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [to Robert California] Hi Dad!...... Ahhh....oh boy. Robert: Hello, Andy. Excellent tie. Erin: Would you be requiring a cold beverage while you're here? Robert: I'd love some coffee. [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: I was looking over your projections, and I think we can do better. Andy: Are you factoring in the... whole national ...economy.... declining and all that? Robert: Andy, do you know why I chose you? Andy: I think I can sum it up with what I think is your favorite ice cream flavor....vanilla? Robert: Vanilla? No no no no. You'll never guess in a million billion years you'll never guess. Andy: You were saying you chose me.... There was a reason? Robert: Andy, can you inspire? Do you have that skill set? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Can I inspire? [laughs] I don't know!.....I don't know. [SCENE_BREAK] [Erin enters with overflowing cup of coffee] Robert: Oh! Thank you. Uh.... Erin: Oh, sorry. Robert: You can just put it down. Erin: Oh [Erin sets cup down and Robert sips it] Robert: That is very cold. Erin: Yeah. It's old. [smiling] Robert: Why would I.....? Erin: I asked if you wanted a cold beverage and you said "coffee".... Andy: Why don't we get Robert a nice hot fresh cup and I will have this. Erin: Andy, you don't want that. Andy: I've been craving a freezing cup of old coffee. [sips] Mmm.... Erin: Sorry. Robert: You like her. Andy: I do. Robert: She likes you. Andy: You know, we've both been into each other at different times and just never really synced up. Now we're in this weird dance.... Robert: [interrupting] I'm afraid you've lost my interest. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: Let me call you back. Meredith: I gotta go. Robert: If the office superstore was supposed to put us little suppliers out of business, why are we still here? [Kevin Raises hand] Robert: Ah... Kevin: This is where we go Robert: [chuckling] Oh, you'd go someplace else. That's not it, that's not the answer. Kevin: It's a answer. Robert: It's a wrong answer. Kevin: There are no wrong answers. Robert: Take a look at where you are, where you once worked in a dying industry, you now work at it's birth. Those superstores are terrified of us. Anybody know why? Phyllis: Wait....they're terrified? Robert: Let me tell you how I buy something these days. I know what I want I go on the internet, I get the best price. Or I don't know what I want and I go to a small store that can help me. The era of personal service is back. You are back. You'll find that customers will pay our higher prices and then they will thank us, and we will say to them "you are welcome." [Applause] Andrew, I chose you for a reason. Lead these people. Show me the best numbers this place has ever seen. Last quarter we saw 4% growth. Double it. Andy: You got it. Robert: Double. Andy: Done. Robert: I'm not kidding. Andy: Neither am I, it's already done. Hah, I'm just kidding, it's going to take some time. Robert: Double. [SCENE_BREAK] [Andy knocks on Jim's desk] Jim: Hey. [Andy pushes things aside and sits on top of Jim's desk, kicking things in the process.] Andy: What's up, guys? Just thought we'd have a little rap session, talk about business...see how things are going? Ahem... Jim: Why don't you start? Andy: If no one else wants to? I was just thinking about Robert...man. What a boss. Just throws down goals, you know? Anyway, how's the sales doubling ...project going? Phyllis: Yeah, how are we supposed to do that? We can't just press a magic button. Andy: OF course not. There's no magic button. You have to summon that. Stanley: If we could just double our sales, we already would have. You're not making any sense. Jim: He brings up two good points. Do you have any new leads? Any new territories you want us to look into? Maybe have an in with a big client that we can get our foot in the door? Andy: Dwight, anything? Dwight: We could talk about how fast children grow up, and before you know it they're out of the house. Andy: You know what? We need to get our heads out of the box. If we did have something, what would it look like, what would it be? [Jim raises hand] Tuna. Jim: New leads, a new territory to look into, maybe an in with a big company that we could get our foot in the door... Andy: Fart..... good Sesh. [gets up] That leg's asleep. [SCENE_BREAK] Justine: Hello. I'm looking for Darryl Philbin? Kevin: Don't! oh, you must think...I'm not. I'm using the fax, this isn't, no wait. I'm not supposed to represent the company. Right? There's usually an Erin here. Justine: Ok....? Kevin: So...DARRYL! A GIRL! Darryl: [Singing] rub a dub dub...I got scrubbed. 'Sup, darlin'? Everybody, this is Justine. [murmurs of hello from the group] This is Jim and Oscar, everybody. Meredith: Hi. Kevin: Kevin. Justine: Can we.... go some place private? Darryl: Follow me, I got a space. After you. I've been thinking about you all mornin'. I don't know what you did, I can barely walk today. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: D-Bone. There you are. Dwight: Let me guess, somebody needs a brownie...? Lick the spoon? Andy: No, that's ok. Just, I want, I wanted to ask you about... Dwight: Is this about the profits? Because if it is I just don't see the point. It's so Wall Street. Andy: I know, right? Dwight: Right? Andy: Yeah...um, how is everything? Dwight: Good. Really really good. Andy: Must be a tough time to be a family farm. Dwight: Oh, it is. And beets are not immune. We made some inroads in salads, but heirloom tomatoes are pushing back. Andy: Oof. What are you gonna do about that? Dwight: I don't know, what do you mean? Andy: There's gotta be some way you can double your beet sales... Dwight: You wanted the job, the job is yours. Just do the job! [Licks brownie battered finger] And I'll do mine..... walnuts? Kevin: No! [SCENE_BREAK] Angela: Have you seen this? [Hands Pam Parenting magazine] Pam: Parenting? Yeah. This is Cici's favorite magazine. She loves the pictures of babies. Jim: She looks at it when she's on the potty, and she makes the faces. Angela: Have you read it? Has an adult member of your family read this particular issue? Pam: I flipped through it. Angela: So you saw the article on the importance of taking frequent walks while you're pregnant? Pam: Of course. Jim: We know that. Pam: Yeah. Angela: I will be taking a morning walk and an afternoon walk. Would you like to join me? Pam: That sounds nice. Angela: Great.[Angela walks away] Jim: You have a walking buddy. Pam: I do. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Thanks for coming in guys. Phyllis: You don't have to thank us for coming in, it's our job. Andy: Well I never got thanked for coming into a meeting and I always wanted to be so I'm gonna thank people. Meredith: What's with the blanket? [Andy removes blanket over table to reveal various items] Andy: This is what's under the blanket. Oscar: We don't get it. Andy: These are incentives. It's how we're gonna double growth. Now, you're probably all asking yourselves: "Well, how does this work?" Pam: Seems like a basic reward system where you give us points, and then we redeem those points for prizes. Andy: You're exactly right and you get a point. Pam: Oh. [smiling] Ryan: Uh, is that a vibrator? Andy: Twenty points. Meredith: How does one get a point? Andy: I've outlined the exact parameters in an email, so check your spam folders, but basically you do your job better, you get points. So, collect fifteen points and redeem them for this polar bear. Kelly: Why is it all kid stuff and a vibrator? It's so gross. Andy: There's lots of stuff. John Irving, collected works, Twenty-two points. Or, you can pool your points and redeem fifty-five for this maternity shirt. Stanley: How 'bout you want us to work harder, pay us more. Andy: I can't. Kelly: This point system is really insulting. Andy: Ooh I didn't mean to offend you, and I hope you'll forgive me because I am very very... Sari. [tosses yellow print material over shoulder] Sixteen points. Kelly: That's a tablecloth. Jim: What if we went all the way up to five hundred points? Andy: That's a crazy amount of points. Jim: But, what if? Andy: Well, what do you want? Jim: I don't know, for such a crazy number I'd like something pretty crazy. Andy: Alright. For five hundred points, I will wear a dress to work. [laughter] Jim: That's pretty good. What about uh, for a thousand points? Andy: I'll run naked through the parking lot with a donut on my ding-dong. [laughter] Yeah? You like that? Alright! For five thousand points, I will let you tattoo whatever you want on the stern of the old SS Bernard![Andy points to his rear-end] Group: Ooooh! Oscar: Really? Jim: Alright, alright. And you are totally serious? Andy: Swear to God, hope to die. Now let's get to work! Jim: Wait. You did say we could pool our points, right? In that case...let's get to work. Dwight: Yeah! Pam: Yeah! Whoo! [Group cheers] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [on the phone]I can have it to you by the beginning of next week. Alright? Thanks very much. [hangs up] Uh, Phyllis! Bracken Auto? Phyllis:[hands Jim folder] Ask for Donald, Karen's bananas. Jim: Ok. Andy: T-bag bone... Jim: Andrew. Andy: Have you noticed a little bit of a mood shift around here? Jim: No, I didn't notice anything. Andy: Really? Because I sat next to Stanley for years....and this is nap time. Open eye nap time. He balances the phone on his shoulder and just powers down. Now look at him. Stanley: [On the phone] You've got to unleash the power of the Pyramid! Jim: I don't know what to tell you, man. Andy: You think it has something to do with that incentive program? Jim: Oh, one hundred percent. We all want to see you tattoo your ass. Andy: Bah...I think people thought I was kidding when I said that. Jim: Nah, you definitely weren't kidding. And that came across loud and clear. Oh, by the way, I want to hand this in. [hands Andy slip of paper] Andy: Hundred and twenty points. Jim: Yeah. Big sale. Don't worry about it though, I don't really care about the points. I would like a point receipt though...[on phone] Hey! Yes, this is Jim Halpert calling for Donald...can you hold on for one second? Thank you very much. [gets up to give Erin his point receipt] Pam: Who talked to Maggie at Kaufman's? Erin: Yes! [adds receipt to growing pile and thumbs up Andy.] Jim: [on the phone]and I'm back. How are you sir?....I think we can squeeze a couple more golf games in, right? Pam: Where's Angela? [Hands paper over her shoulder] Andy: Hey Kevin, what are you doing? Kevin: Don't talk to me! [Everyone continues to work busily] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [on phone] Hi, Professor Frank, Andy Bernard, class of '95. Hey there, um, I'm a huge fan of your management book, Management. Um, quick question. I may be missing a chapter here...De-Incentivizing. What are your strategies? Looking for a real blow to morale...uh why? Well, um I guess you could say I'm in one of those classic ass tattoo incentive situations. [laughs] [SCENE_BREAK] [Erin fills in drawing showing points, crowd cheers and claps] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Took 'em one day. Pam: Ready! [flips sketch pad showing tattoo possibilities] "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" [crowd claps and cheers] Ryan: I like it, I like it! [Pam flips the page] Pam: Do Not Resuscitate...[mild cheering] Andy: OK, keep in mind, it's not too late to choose another prize and there are some great new additions. My car [nervous laughter] for a thousand points....or best offer. Phyllis: What else you got? Pam: Oh, and then this was Phyllis's idea...[shocked cheers] So nasty Phyllis! [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: We were hoping you could do something like this... Tattoo Artist: So, coming out of his butt is a... Pam: Baby. Tattoo Artist: Baby... Pam: Yes. Tattoo Artist: Yeah, no problem. Andy: We should think about this...does anyone have any better ideas? Stanley: I like what we have. Meredith: Looks good. Erin: Yeah. Kevin: For sure. [murmurs from group in agreement] Andy: Just need a second outside. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: Gettin' psyched up? Andy: Yeah. Jim: Andy, nobody really expects you to go through with this... Andy: Tunes..what am I doing here? Why did Robert pick me? ....Confession: I don't know what I'm doing. Jim: I mean, do you like it? You having fun? [Andy snorts, unsure how to answer] Tell you this, everybody else is having a lot of fun....and you did that. Andy: My ass is only so big, I mean I can't do this everyday. Jim: But I think it's big enough to buy you some time till your next great idea....which, by the way, I can't wait for. Andy: No one expects me to go through with this, right? Jim: Absolutely not. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Let's ink...my stink! [crowd cheers] [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people. [SCENE_BREAK] [Andy removes his pants] Group: Whoa! Andy: [lying on table] Do your worst! Tattoo Artist: Uh, you can keep your pants on actually...if just drop 'em down a bit, that'd be great. Andy: They are already off, my good sir. Tattoo Artist: I'd really prefer they not be down. Andy: Well, I think down's better. Sweating pretty heavily down there. Pam: Do you think you could work from this? [showing Tattoo artist sketch pad] we made some small adjustments. Tattoo Artist: OK, you want me to... Pam: Just a few adjustments Tattoo Artist: Alright, let's begin. Andy: This is where I grin and be-YOW OW! Tattoo Artist: That was just the cotton swab. Andy: Invest in softer cotton, sir. [tattooing begins] OW! Oh! Oooh! [Crowd cheers] oh, whoa!! [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Obviously you can go the ass tattoo route and obviously, I'm gonna like it. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: DRAW SOME BLOOD! Andy: AHHHHH!!!!!!! [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: Why did I choose Andy to run the office? Because he's all surface, uncomplicated. What you see is what you get. Could be a recipe for mediocrity, yes, but then again, it might just be why people fight for him. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [removes tape to reveal tattoo of puppy] It's a Nard Dog! [group cheers] That's my nickity-name! I love it, I love it! Jim: Pull up your pants. [SCENE_BREAK] Robert: There's something about an underdog that really inspires...the unexceptional. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: Um, what should we talk about? Angela: Well, we could talk about an ethical dilemma I'm having. Pam: Oh yeah, sure. Um, I hope I can help. Angela: A coworker of mine is drinking caffeine while pregnant, and I don't know if I should call social services about it. Pam: Angela, that's pretty transparently me. Angela: Maybe. Pam: You know it's just herbal tea. Angela: In mugs with trace amounts of coffee! Pam: Yeah. I think you should call social services. Angela: I already did. Pam: You know, maybe we should just have our own pregnancies and not pretend like we're in this together. Angela: Fine. Pam: Fine.

Robert challenges the Dunder Mifflin staffers to double their sales. Andy decides to create an incentive program; he promises the office that he will tattoo a picture of their choosing on his buttocks if they meet the sales quota, which they do in only one day. The office then makes Andy get a tattoo of a puppy. Pam Halpert ( Jenna Fischer ) becomes unlikely friends with Angela Lipton ( Angela Kinsey ), who is also pregnant.

fd_FRIENDS_09x04

fd_FRIENDS_09x04_0

[Scene: Ross is in Central Perk. Phoebe comes in.] Phoebe: Oh hey Ross oh I'm so glad someone's here could you zip me up? Ross: sure. Phoebe: Thank you. Can you believe no-one between my apartment and here offered to do that for me? Ross: people (shakes head, they sit) so why you all dressed up. Phoebe: oh umm Mike's picking me up for a date. Ross: oh yea now um how is that going, is it getting serious? Phoebe: oh I dunno I dunno, you know I mean I like him but am I ready to take my grade a loins off the meat market. Ross: you know I really admire your whole dating attitude, it's so healthy I'm always like is this moving to fast? Is this moving to slow? Where's this going? Phoebe: yea you know you are a bit of a drama queen. Ross: but you, your so much better off you just go from guy to guy having fun and never worrying that it terns into anything serious. Phoebe: I wouldn't say never, you know there's that guy (pause) well what about (pause) ok well there's gotta be someone. Ross: There isn't that's what I'm saying. (All happy) Phoebe: Oh my god you're right. Ross: I know and yet here you are all ready for the next date. Phoebe: I can't believe I never realized this before, I'm in my thirty's and never been in a long-term relationship oh my god (starts crying) what's wrong with me. Ross: no, no, no there's nothing wrong with you I mean you don't strike me as the type of person that wants to get married anyway. Phoebe: I wanna get married (grabs a tissue) Ross: please don't cry because of me pheebs I don't know what I'm talking about, I've been divorced three times. Phoebe: least you've been married, OH MY GOD! I wanna trade lives with Ross (cries more) Mike: Phoebe (comes in smiling then sees Phoebe crying) what's wrong? Phoebe: nothing, I'm excited about our date, Mike this is Ross Geller this is Mike Haaaaa (starts crying) Ross: I'm sorry I didn't catch. Mike: its Mike Hanagen Ross: Oh Ross Geller Mike: Hey, so are you sure your ready to go. Phoebe: uh huh (terns to Ross) how do I look (all her make up has gone everywhere) Ross: do you have a compact in your purse? Phoebe: (goes to cry) No Ross: you look great. (Opening Credits) [Scene: Monica enters Central Perk.] Monica:: hey Joey Joey: Hey, this girl won't turn around and I can't tell whether she's hot or not, what do you think? Monica:: Joey I am not going to objectify woman with you (looks at the woman) but if her face is as nice as her ass woah mamma. Joey: Alright thanks, Oh hey have you talked to Chandler? Monica:: yeah he has to stay in Tulsa this weekend Joey: how come? Monica:: he has to work, there's some rush on the big (pause, thinks) ah damn it one of these days I'm really gonna have to start listening when he talks about his job. Joey: oh why don't you fly out there and surprise him. Monica:: maybe I will go (thinks) yea will have a second honeymoon at the Tulsa romana. Joey: oh and you know what you should bring the black see-through teddy with the attached garters. (Nods) Monica:: how do you know I have one of those? Joey: didn't till just now. (Monica goes to the back and Joey looks at the girl) Joey: hot not hot (she turns around) Hot! Hayley: excuse me? Joey: I said I think you're hot and now I'm embarrassed. Hayley: oh I thought you said Hi. Joey: that would've been better, I'll try that Hi I'm Joey. Hayley: I'm Hayley. Joey: look I don't usually ask out women that I meet in coffeehouses Gunther: HA! Joey: (turns round) gesundheit Hayley: I would love to go out with you. Joey: really, great, did I actually ask you? Hayley: no that's just where you were going I just figured that I'd help you out, you don't seem like the kind of guy that does this very a lot. Gunther: HA! Joey: (turns round again) seriously Gunther you should see someone about that cold, if it gets much worse you could DIE! (Gunther looks scared) [Scene: Ross is at Phoebe's.] Ross: so how'd the date go? Phoebe: well it was awful every time I thought about what you said I started crying. Ross: So he hasn't called? Phoebe: would you call this girl? (Puts on a crying act) thanks-fo-r-a-love-ly-even-ing Ross: now I feel terrible this is all my fault. Phoebe: well you not what you should feel terrible about, this could have been my serious guy he was sweet and smart and funny. Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that? Ross: We are a rare breed. [Scene: Joey is back at Hayleys apartment.] Hayley: what a great dinner. Joey: yeah and hey thanks again for letting me having that last piece of cake at the restaurant. Hayley: (laughs) your welcome again, I'm gonna make some coffee can I get you anything? Joey: do you have any cake? (Hayley laughs and goes into the kitchen thinking it's a joke, Joey doesn't see what's so funny about it) >>> Joey's Subconscious So this is going pretty good. dinner was nice, got a lot in common. (Sees a magazine) Victoria's secret huh we even like the same books. (Walks over to a painting on the wall) Oh now there's a scary painting. wait a minute I think I've been scared by that painting before. (Looks around) You know what this whole place look familiar I have definitely been in this apartment I know I've seen this weird plant before (it's a cactus and he touch's it) AWCH! It did that the last time. Oh my god, I've gone out with this girl before yeah we had s*x on this couch and then on that chair and no. no we didn't do it hear which is weird because it seems like a perfectly good place. Joey: (bends down to see and the cactus pricks him in the ass) AWCH! That's why. [Scene: Ross goes to see Mike to explain about Phoebe.] Ross: (He knocks at the door, Mike opens it) Hey Mike sorry to just drop by like this, can I come in? Mike: Sure (looks confused) who are you? Ross: I'm Ross, Phoebe's friend from the coffeehouse. Mike: Oh. Ross: yeah I really, really need to talk to you about something. Mike: Ok, unless you're not gonna try to get me to join a cult are you? Ross: (laughs) No Mike: oh it's just you have that look (shuts the front door) Ross: Damn super cuts! Mike: what's up is Phoebe ok? Ross: oh no yeah, no Phoebe is great, but umm I'm an idiot look right before you guys went out I accidentally got her all upset. Mike: that's why she was weird. Ross: yes, yeah I said something stupid about her never having had a serious relationship, but you should know she is so much fun, a wonderful person please don't blow her off. Mike: I'm not blowing her off, I actually just got off the phone with her, were going out tomorrow night, I mean I hope that's ok with you stranger from the coffee house. Ross: well then I didn't need to bother you or the four other Mike Hanagens I bothered. Mike: hey wait wait wait wait wait! Is that true what you said Phoebe's never had a serious relationship? Ross: of course she has. if she'd never had a serious relationship I'd go round broadcasting it like some unstoppable moron. Mike: but you did say it Ross: yes, yes I did. and I will also say what I'm about to say Vis- -vis the following Phoebe has never had a serious relationship since her. super-serious relationship with. Vicrum. Mike: Vicrum? Ross: WHAT THAT'S A REAL NAME! [Scene: Chandler arrives home from work.] Chandler: (enters singing) Oklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plane, STOP IT! Why couldn't they have sent me to Texas? 7 o clock maybe I'll hit the gym (sits down) who am I kidding pay-per-view p0rn. -Cuts to Monica (She's just arrived outside his room she fixes a bent photo hanging on the wall then sprays mint in her mouth and enter) Chandler: DO NOT DISTURB DO NOT DISTURB! Monica: (smiles) Monica:: is everything all right? Chandler: everything's great, just watching some regular television there, what a pleasant surprise. (She hugs him, and she knows what he was doing so she looks at the TV and sees sharks swimming around thinking Chandler was giving himself a treat to sharks.) Monica:: I'm gonna go freshen up ok Chandler: Ok honey. that was close. -Cut to Rachel (Phone ringing) Rachel: Hello Monica:: Hey Rach its me ok I just got the Chandler's room and I caught him molesting himself. Rachel: Oh that couldn't have been pretty. but you know guys do that. Monica:: yea well the weird part is... he was getting off to a shark attack show! Rachel: Nooooooooo! Monica:: Yes! Chandler Watches Shark p0rn! [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Rachel is at Monica's, talking about Chandler & him watching "Shark p0rn".] Rachel: well watching sharks? Are you sure that's what he was doing? Monica:: do you know how many times I've seen him jump up like that, believe me I know what he was doing. Rachel: man sharks. I always knew there was something weird about that dude. But you promised to love him no matter what. Monica:: what means if he gets like a disease or kills someone. not if he gets his jollys to jaws! Rachel: Ah! You know what honey guys are just different, they like things that we can't understand, you know I once dated this guy who wanted to pretend he was an archeologist and I was a naughty cave woman that he unfroze from a block of ice. Monica:: Eww are you talking about my bother. Rachel: yeah I didn't disguise that very well did i. Joey: (enters) Hey Rachel: (sits down) Hi Joey: listen to this... I went out with this girl last night and half way through our date I realized I already slept with her. (Monica makes a strange face and sits down) Rachel: so basically you've slept with all the woman in New York and now you're just going around again. Joey: well that's not even the weird part. I don't think she remembered sleeping with me. Monica:: But you don't remember sleeping with her. Joey: yeah but she should remember sleeping with me I am very memorable, you guys know. Rachel: what, how do we know, we never slept with you. Joey: and who's fault is that. Monica:: what's the big deal, you forgot, she forgot, maybe you were having an off night Joey: HEY! I never have an off night ok although sometimes when I'm a little bloated I don't feel very sexy BUT EVEN THEN I'M BETTER THEN MOST! Monica:: Honey why don't you just let it go and ask her out again. Rachel: yeah your both so slutty you don't even remember who you've slept with, you're made for each other. Joey: Interesting. all right I'll go out with her again and try to get past it (reaches for the chips) OH SALT BLOATY! Monica:: Joey, Joey. Joey: What? Monica:: you don't think sharks are sexy do you? Joey: No. (Pause) wait a minute what was the little mermaid? (Monica just looks at him, and Rachel wants to laugh) [Scene: Phoebe's at her apartment waiting for Mike Ross comes over.] Phoebe: It's open. Ross: Hey! Phoebe: HEY! Mike called were going out again! YAY! YAY! (She dances around with happiness) Ross: YAY! (He continues the happiness with her by dancing around) quick thing, I went to talk to Mike. Phoebe: What? Wha-wha-wha-did you do ROSS! Ross: oh boy you got mad at that part. I went over there to tell him how great you are but you know me BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, and I ended up telling him that. Phoebe: WHAT! Ross: umm. that you had a six year long relationship with a guy named Vicrum. Phoebe: WHAT! WHY? Ross: well he seemed to bum hard that you'd never been in a serious relationship. Phoebe: (Walks towards Ross) If you hadn't just had a baby with my best friend I swear to Lucifer a raber dog would be feasting on your danglers RIGHT NOW! Ross: well Phoebe, I think you'll feel better when you know a little bit about Vicrum, His a Kite designer (He makes a wow face) and he used to date Oprah. (He makes another wow face) Phoebe: I'm not going along with some lie you made Ross, No I'm just gonna be honest with him. Ross: Good yeah just be honest with him. Phoebe: yeah I've nothing to be ashamed of ok so I haven't been in a relationship that lasted longer then a month. Ok I haven't had a real boyfriend you know if he can't handle that he can leave. which he will and that's ok. so I'll just be alone forever you know alright I'll be. it'll be fine. it'll be fine. I'll go walking tours with widows and lesbians. Oh (takes a deep breath and sits down, knock on the door) Ross: I'll get it Phoebe: ok Mike: (Ross opens the door) You know I'm trying to think of the last time I opened a door and you weren't there, Phoebe are you ok? (She has her hands over her mouth) Phoebe: Uh huh yeah (stands up) there's just something umm, there's something you should know (Pause) Vicrum just called. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Joey is back at Hayley's place after there date.] Hayley: so it was kind of a shock after 25 years of marriage my parents, a perfect couple getting divorced, I kinda took it the hardest cause I was the youngest. Joey: Uh huh, sure, yeah. How can you not remember me? Hayley: What? Joey: How could you not remember that we slept together? Hayley: What! When? Joey: I dunno! Hayley: I really, really think I would remember sleeping with you Joey: come on, come on, search your brain all right. it was (thinks) a certain amount of time ago, I was here you were here, we had s*x (starts pointing out the places) here, here, here NOT there. Anything? Hayley: no it's not ringing any bells. Joey: my god woman! How many people do you have to had been with not to remember any of this? Hayley's roommate: Hey Hayley you've really gotta fix that doorknob. Joey! Joey: Ooooooooooh, I slept with you! And you obviously remember me Hey! I still got it. (Turns back to Hayley) so were good. (She just glares at him) I'll let myself out. [Scene: Phoebe is sitting with Mike, explaining about Vicrum.] Phoebe: .and I said Vicrum you can't just call every time you get lonely you know, you, you gave up that right when you slept with Rachel. Mike: But Rachel I thought she just had a baby with Ross Phoebe: yeah well (pause) yeah you know Emma's birth certificate might say Geller but her eyes say Mookurgee. Mike: that is so wrong and on top of that his a glue sniffer. Phoebe: I know but he call's and my heart goes to him. You know that b*st*rd is one smooth talking free lance kite designer. Mike: I just think there's somebody better out there for you, (pause) I mean I'm not saying me but. maybe me. Phoebe: Oh. Mike: and you don't have to worry about glue sniffing with me. although I do smell the occasional magic marker, yeah ah anyway I just think I can make you happy. Phoebe: ok I can't do this. Mike: what's wrong? Phoebe: well there is no Vicrum, Ross made him up because I never really have been in a long-term relationship, I've never lived with a guy, and I've never even celebrated an anniversary so. (Pause) if that's too weird for you and you wanna leave I totally understand. In fact I'll close my eye's make it less awkward (She sits with her eyes closed and Mike kisses her, Phoebe opens her eyes and like a little child says.) You kissed me. Mike: uh huh Phoebe: so you don't think I'm a total freak Mike: No. well look can I think your weird and also cool for telling me the truth and also wanna kiss you. Phoebe: I guess so, can I. can I think it's cool that you kiss me and also wanna kiss you again (they get closer to kiss and Phoebe pulls back) and umm, be a little concerned about the magic markers. Mike: Definitely Ross: (They kiss and the phone rings and machine picks it up, its Ross putting on an accent pretending to be Vicrum) This is Vicrum. [Scene: Chandler arrives home and Monica's got a video of Sharks ready for Chandler.] Chandler: Hi honey I'm home! Monica:: Hi, how was your flight? (She hugs him) Chandler: oh it was great. Monica:: Here why don't you sit down, get yourself comfortable because I. (Monica shows him the tape then puts it in) have a little surprise for you. Chandler: well, well, well it must be five in Tulsa because it's six o clock IN NY.C! Monica:: Ok (sits down next to him) This is how much I love you. (She presses play then puts her arm around Chandler's neck.) Chandler: (Chandler looking confused) Honey why am I watching a bunch of sharks swimming around. Monica:: Is this not the good part? Do you want me to fast forward to something a little toothier. Chandler: no I'm not quite sure you got the right movie that's all. Monica:: Oh well this is the only one they had at our video store, but they did have something called crocodile killers. Or does it always have to be sharks? Chandler: does what always have to be sharks. Monica:: Honey look we can do something else, do you want me to get into the tub and thrash. Chandler: What's going on? Monica:: sweetie it's ok, I still love you, let me be a part of this. Chandler: let ME be a part of this! Monica:: I saw what you were doing in Tulsa. angry sharks turn you on! Chandler: no they don't Monica:: then why were you watching them and giving YOURSELF a treat. Chandler: OH MY GOD! When you came in I switched the channel, I was just watching regular p0rn Monica:: really? Chandler: yeah just some good old fashion girl on girl American action. Monica:: I cannot tell you how happy that makes me! (They hug) Chandler: You are an amazing wife. (Monica shrugs) No really you're amazing you were actually gonna do this for me, I mean where do you find the strength and understanding over something like that. Monica:: Im very, very drunk right now. (They hug, Scene fades to black) [Scene: Phoebe is in central-perk with Joey telling him what Ross said t her at the beginning.] Joey: (looks at a girl walk in) see ordinarily I would talk to her, but my confidence is shaken did I sleep with her? Did I not sleep with her? Phoebe: you know maybe this is a wake up call, about your whole dating attitude. Your in your thirty's and you've never had a serious relationship and you have never been in a long term relationship, here you go from woman to woman, meaningless experience to meaningless experience never even worrying that it doesn't tern into anything serious. Joey: your right! I love my life! (He gets up to go and speak to the girl and he turns back and sits down) I actually did sleep with her.

Monica visits Chandler in Tulsa, surprising him while he is watching porn in his hotel room. In a panic, he switches on a shark documentary, leading Monica to believe that sea creatures turn him on. Joey thinks he's already slept with the girl he's dating. Phoebe fears losing Mike, after Ross tells him she has never had a long-term relationship. To make amends, Ross talks to Mike, but makes up a story that Phoebe had a six-year long relationship with an East Indian man named Vikram.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_03x10

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_03x10_0

[Abandonned witch House] (Bonnie is outside. She enters the house. There's some whispers. She keeps going and finally goes downstairs. The 4 coffins are here. She sees one in particular. He's more higher than the others. She goes towards it and finally opens it. Klaus is in here, asleep. He seems peaceful. He has he's mother's necklace in his hands. She's about to touch it but she hears a noise and turns herself) [Bonnie's bedroom] (Bonnie suddenly wakes up. It was just a dream) [Mystic Falls] (Elena is jogging. She stops to see what time she made. She turns herself and sees a man with a hoodie running toward her. She starts running again. She looks behind her and the man is still there. She runs faster and arrives in front of a house. She stops when she sees the man isn't behind her anymore. When she turns herself she's face to face with him) Man: Excuse me. I should have been watching where I was going Elena: Don't worry about it Man: You have a nice day (He leaves, running. She watches him) [Mystic Grill] (Elena is at a table with Bonnie] Elena: I think I'm going crazy. I'm totally paranoid all the time Bonnie: You have a right to be. Klaus is sill out there, and he knows you tried to kill him Elena: Why hasn't he made a move? There's been no sign of him, nothing. Just my slow spiral into insanity Bonnie: Join the club. Every time I close my eyes, I have that nightmare on repeat Elena: The same dream? Bonnie: Yeah. 4 coffins. Klaus is in one of them. It's weird Elena: What if it's not just... Some dream? What if it's, like, you know, a witch dream? Bonnie: It's just stress. I'll figure it out. What about Stefan? Elena: He betrayed us, Bonnie. The Stefan that we know is gone Bonnie: How is Damon handling that? Elena: Damon is... Damon (Damon is at the bar with Alaric. He has a lot of bottles with him. Alaric is grading papers) Damon: Uh, you have your choice... Bloody Mary, screwdriver. Brunch in a bottle (He drinks alcohol and then a sip of orange juice from the jar) Damon: Come on, Ric. I can't drink all this by myself. I mean, I can, but then somebody's getting naked (He looks at the bartender) Damon: Oh, man. I can't believe you're making me drink alone Alaric: I'm busy Damon: It's the eve of Klausageddon. You're doing homework? Alaric: This may come as a shock, but I am not here to hang out with you. I'm here to see Jeremy, who is an hour late for his shift Damon: Kids today. Where are their values? (Alaric shows him Jeremy's paper. He has a F) Alaric: That's his midterm paper. Copied it straight off the internet. Didn't even try to hide it Damon: Ooh. Somebody's getting grounded (The bartender stops by them) Bartender: Did you say you were waiting for Jeremy... As in Jeremy Gilbert? Alaric: Yeah Bartender: Yeah. He was fired last week Damon: Oops (Alaric turns himself and looks at Elena) [The Woods] (Jeremy is with Tyler. Jeremy has a crossbow in hands and shoots on a can) Tyler: Nice shot Jeremy: So what's the point of this, again? Tyler: The point is I'm pissed at Caroline, and Bonnie dumped your ass. The point... Is to get drunk and shoot stuff Jeremy: Profound. If Alaric finds out I took this, he's going to use it on me Tyler: So, what's the deal with that? He's, like, your guardian now? Jeremy: Sort of, yeah. I think he feels responsible for us Tyler: You like him? Jeremy: Yeah. Yeah. I like him (He raises the crossbaw to shoot on another can but Tyler is on the middle of the way) Jeremy: Hey, you want to move out of the way? Tyler: I'm a hybrid, Gilbert. You can't kill me unless you cut off my head or rip out my heart. And you're not going to do it with that lame-ass crossbow. Go ahead. Take a shot. Unless you don't think you can hit me (Jeremy aims the head and shot. Tyler catches the arrow with his hand and smile) [Mystic Grill] (Damon is playing darts. Elena's with him and on the phone. She leaves a message to Jeremy) Elena: Jeremy, the minute that you get this, call me (She hangs up) Damon: You're feisty when you're mad Elena: It's not that I'm mad. I'm just... I'm worried Damon: Why? I think he'll survive, Elena Elena: He's spiraling. Ever since Bonnie broke up with him, he's moody. He's not really talking to anyone Damon: Just a typical teenager Elena: Who's seeing ghosts and who's lost everyone that he cares about Damon: Not everyone. He still has you Elena: Are you ok? Damon: What makes you think I'm not ok? Elena: Well, you're a day drunk. It's not exactly your most attractive look (He gets closer to her) Damon: Oh. What is my most attractive look? Elena: Uh-uh. I'm not saying you have any attractive look. I'm just... Saying this is my least favorite one Damon: Noted. See if I can make any improvements Klaus: Don't mind me (They turn themselves. Klaus is here with a man) Elena: Klaus (He smiles) Damon: You going to do this in the grill, in front of everyone? It's a little beneath you, don't you think? Klaus: I don't know what you're talking about. I just came down to my local pub to grab a drink with a mate. Get a round, then, would you, Tony? (Elena recognizes Tony. He's the man who was running behind her earlier. Tony leaves. Klaus looks at Elena and smiles) Damon: I'm surprised you stuck around town. Long enough for happy hour Klaus: My sister seems to be missing. Need to sort that out Damon: Cute, blonde bombshell, psycho. Shouldn't be too hard to find Klaus: Truth is, I've grown to rather like your little town. Thinking I might fancy a home here. I imagine you're wondering how does this affect you. And the answer is, not in the slightest. As long as I get what I want, and everyone behaves themselves, you can go on living your little lives however you choose. You have my word Elena: What more could you possibly want? Klaus: Well, for starters, you can tell me where I might find Stefan Damon: Stefan skipped town the second he saved your ass Klaus: Well, you see, that is a shame. Your brother stole from me. I need him found so I can take back what's mine Elena: That sounds like a Klaus and Stefan problem (He gets closer to her but Damon puts himself in front of her. Klaus looks at him and smiles) Klaus: Well, this is me broadening the scope, sweetheart [Abandonned witch House] (Bonnie arrives in front of the house and enters. She reproduces her dream and goes downstairs but unlike in her dream, the coffins aren't here) Stefan: Hello, Bonnie (She turns herself and sees him) Bonnie: Stefan. You followed me here? Stefan: Yeah. It wasn't too hard. You should probably be more careful Bonnie: What do you want with me? Stefan: Relax. I just need your help Bonnie: Why would I help you? Elena said you saved Klaus's life Stefan: Let me fill you in on a little secret about Klaus. He kept his family with him at all times, Daggered, stored in coffins. And now, I have them. And I need you to help keep them hidden Bonnie: You're out of your mind. You're just going to make him angrier Stefan: His family is his one weakness. As long as I have that, I can ruin him Bonnie: I don't have enough power to hide 4 originals Stefan: You're a witch. You hate Klaus. I know you can figure something out [Gilbert's House] (Alaric and Elena are in the kitchen. He's cooking and she's setting the table) Alaric: You ready? Elena: Vampires, hybrids, and originals. No problem. My rebellious brother... I'm worried Alaric: Proof you're still human (Jeremy arrives) Elena: Just in time. We're cooking Jeremy: Sorry. Just passing through Alaric: Aww. Well, I thought we'd all stay in, Have a meal together like a typical atypical family Jeremy: Why? Elena: Maybe because you got fired. And you didn't tell anyone Jeremy: Look, can we do this later? I made plans with Tyler. He's right outside Alaric : Wait. When did you start hanging out with Tyler Lockwood? Jeremy: I don't know. Does it matter? Elena: Yeah, Jeremy, it matters. He was sired by Klaus. He's dangerous Jeremy: He can still hear you. He's right outside. Besides, you of all people are going to lecture me on who I can and can't hang out with Elena: What is with the attitude? Jeremy: Whatever. This is lame. Tyler's waiting Elena: No. Oh, no, no. You're not going anywhere, especially not with Tyler (Jeremy looks at Alaric) Alaric: I'm with her on this, Jer. Sorry Jeremy: All right. Fine. You want me to stay in? Let's all stay in, then. Yo, Tyler, come on in Elena: Jeremy... (Tyler enters. Jeremy looks at Elena, smiling) [Salvatore's House] (Damon is pouring himself a glass of scotch. He senses something and turns himself. Klaus is here) Klaus: I think it's about time we had a drink, don't you? Damon: I'd say we're overdue Klaus: Well, you've been so busy, what with all your plotting and scheming Damon: You know me... Never miss a chance to plan an epic failure Klaus: Don't be so hard on yourself. Who could have guessed your own brother would betray you? Damon: Well, I did have a front row seat when your sister lied to you Klaus: Yeah, well, she's fickle, that one. And you say you have no idea of her whereabouts? Damon: That's the thing with younger siblings. You just... never know what they're going to do (He smiles and drinks) Damon: Drink? [Gilbert's House] (Jeremy gives a glass to Tyler. Alaric and Elena are watching) Tyler: Thanks Elena: This is weird. Klaus has hybrids stalking me, and now, you're just sitting in our kitchen Tyler: Look, maybe I should go Jeremy: No, stay. You're not doing anything Elena: Unless you have to, you know, check in with your hybrid master Tyler: It's not like that, Elena (Alaric sits at the table, next to Tyler) Alaric: Tell me, Tyler... What is the difference. Between being sired and being compelled? Tyler: Compulsion... That's just mind control, like hypnosis. And being sired is... It's like faith. You do something because you believe it's the right thing Elena: So, you believe that serving Klaus is the right thing Tyler: I don't serve him. Klaus released me from a curse that was ruining my life. I owe him for that Alaric: What if he asked you to... Jump off a bridge? Tyler: He wouldn't. And even if he did, I'd be fine. I'm a hybrid Elena: Ok. So what if he asked you to rip your own heart out? Tyler: Again, he wouldn't Elena: What if he did? Tyler: I don't know. Then I'd rip out my heart (Jeremy is sruprised) Tyler: You guys sound like Caroline, getting all freaked out over something you don't understand Elena: You're right, Tyler. I don't understand. Klaus has terrorized every single one of us, and you're just blindly loyal to him Tyler: You're overthinking it. I can still make my own decisions (Alaric looks at Elena) [Salvatore's House] (Damon gives a glass to Klaus) Klaus: Cheers, mate Damon: Down the hatch Klaus: You know, we've actually got a lot in common, you and I Damon: Really? Well, yeah. Maybe we can... Bond over our mutual loathing of my brother. Why are you so mad at him? He stole something? Klaus: My family. The originals. I had them daggered, boxed up, awaiting the day when I saw fit to wake them. And he went in and pinched the bloody lot Damon: Of course he did. Ah, such a buzz kill, my baby bro. Well, I'd love to find him. Just the trouble is I sure as hell don't work for you Klaus: You know, your drink stinks of vervain, so I can't compel you. There'd be no point in killing you, because you're actually the one with the most hope of getting me what I need. And yet, it would seem a demonstration is in order. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough when I told you to find Stefan. Oh, well. It seems you people respond best to displays of violence. Why don't you take this as an example of my reach? (He takes his phone and calls someone) Klaus: There he is. So, that thing I told you to do. Why don't you go ahead and get on with it? [Gilbert's House] (Jeremy hangs up his phone) Elena: What was that about? Jeremy: It was nothing Tyler: I got to go. Um, thanks for the food offer but... Alaric: Next time (Tyler leaves. Alaric and Elena goes to the countertop) Alaric: Well, that was illuminating Elena: So, Tyler Lockwood is A lunatic who has access to our house Alaric: I mean, this whole sire bond thing is wild. I don't even think Tyler's fully aware of what ittle reason lies behind what he's saying. It's... it's his weird cult logic Elena: Well, great. That's a wonderful influence for you, Jer (They turn themselves but Jeremy has disapeared) Elena: Jeremy? (She sees his ring on the plate) Alaric: That's his ring. Elena Where'd he go? (They go outside. Jeremy is standing on the middle of the road) Elena: Jeremy? What is he doing? (A car arrives at full speed and races toward him) Elena: Oh my god! (Alaric runs toward him) Alaric: Jeremy! Elena: Jeremy! Jeremy, move! (Jeremy doesn't move but Alaric rushes over him and pushes him so the car bumps into Alaric in full speed. He crashes on the car and falls on the road, bleeding. Elena rushes toward him and checks on Tony: There I go again, bumping into people (Elena sees that Alaric is wearing his magical ring. Tony leaves. Jeremy gets up and rushes toward Elena and Alaric) Elena: He's going to be all right. Are you ok? Jeremy: I don't understand Elena: Who was that on the phone earlier? Jeremy: It was Klaus Elena: You were compelled, Jeremy. We've got to get him inside. Help me [A property] (Klaus is inside with Mindy, one of his hybrids. There are renovations in the house and men working everywhere) Klaus: Compel the men to open up this wall. We need sun. I want a fortress, not a dungeon (Tyler arrives) Klaus: There he is. Man of the hour Tyler: So everything went ok? Klaus: Tony ran down Alaric instead of Jeremy, but apples, oranges. Message learns the same Tyler: You said you were sending them a warning Klaus: And I did... an effective one. Elena's family suffers, she's motivated to get me what I want Tyler: I didn't think that we'd actually have to kill anyone Klaus: Tyler, mate. What you're feeling is the remnant of a guilty conscience. I need you to get over it, ok? End of the day, human life here is just a means to an end... Our means to our end. You'd do well to remember that (He leaves) [Gilbert's House] (Alaric is on the couch, still dead. Elena is next to him and Alaric is sitting on the floor. Damon enters) Damon: How is he? Elena: He's dead, but he had his ring.Klaus' hybrid hit him. Now we just wait (Damon looks at at Jeremy) Damon: Jeremy, why aren't you wearing vervain? Where's your bracelet? (Jeremy looks at his wrist) Jeremy: I don't know Elena: It was Tyler. It had to have been. That's why he was hanging out with you, to get you off the vervain Damon: Klaus is trying to send us a message. He wants us to find Stefan, who stole his coffins of all his dead family members Elena: Coffins? Damon: Yep. So all we have to do is find 4 coffins, and voila, no one else on your family's chritmas list has to die (Jeremy gets up) Jeremy: Wait, that's your big plan, to steal back 4 dead originals. so this evil hybrid doesn't kill me. And everyone else we know? Damon: You got a better idea? Jeremy: Yeah. Let's get the hell out of here. Pack our bags and go Elena: Hey, Jeremy, calm down Jeremy: No. No, I'm not going to calm down, Elena. This happens every time no matter what we do... You get on my case about school and work. Who cares. None of us are going to make it out of this town alive (He goes upstairs) Elena: He said he wants his family back Damon: No. No, I know what you're thinking. The answer's no Elena: If we give him Rebekah... Damon: Yeah, then Klaus un-daggers her. First thing she does is kill you. Frying pan, fire. Not an option Elena: Klaus's coffins. How many did you say there were? [Bonnie's Bedroom] (Bonnie's phone rings. She answers. It's Elena) Bonnie: Elena? Hey Elena: Klaus is looking for 4 coffins, just like in your dream. I think it's not just stress Bonnie: Elena, don't get involved. Whatever Klaus wants, stay as far away from it as you can Elena: Klaus won't let me. Bonnie... He tried to kill Jeremy Bonnie: What do you want me to do? Elena: We need to find Stefan. Look, I know that you don't think that your locater spell still works, but we have to at least try Bonnie: We don't need a locater spell [Abandonned Witch House] (Elena and Damon arrive at the house) Damon: Bonnie said this place lost all its mojo Elena: The dead witches were angry at her for bringing Jeremy back to life. I guess now they have something they want her to know Damon: That's why I hate witches. So fickle, passive-aggressive (They enter the house) Elena: Stefan? Damon: Come on, Stef. Olly olly oxen free (He walks through sunlight but his skin burns. He goes in the shadow) Damon: Really? Still? Elena: What? Damon: The witchy spirits aren't a big fan, and they used their juju to screw with my daylight ring Elena: Then wait outside Damon: Elena... Elena: I'm not leaving until I know if he's here (Elena goes forward in the house. Damon rushes outside with his speed. Elena goes dowstairs) Elena: Stefan? (Stefan appears) Stefan: Go away. You shouldn't be here, Elena (Damon listens to them outside) Elena: Stefan, I need your help. Bonnie said that you would be here Stefan: Well, Bonnie sucks at keeping secrets Elena: Listen, you need to give Klaus his family back Stefan: Oh really? Is that what i need to do? Elena: Klaus compelled Jeremy to stand in front of a speeding car. Don't you get it? Stefan, he's not going to stop until he gets what he wants... Stefan: Elena, stop talking. I'm not giving Klaus anything Elena: Are you listening to me? He's going to kill Jeremy Stefan: Not really my problem (She slaps him) Elena: Then you can go to hell (She leaves) (Elena goes out of the house. Damon is waiting) Damon: That didn't go over well Elena: Don't even start, Damon Damon: Let me talk to him Elena: You can't get in. The witches won't let you (He gives her keys) Damon: Here. Take my car keys. You go deal with your brother. I'll deal with mine (He enter the house but suffers and keeps bumping into walls 'cause his skin burns but he finally arrives downstairs) Stefan: Wow. That was impressive. But the coffins aren't here, so you can go away now Damon: I don't care about the coffins. We need to talk (He gets up but his skin burns. He screams) Stefan: Ok. Let's talk Damon: Nothing's ever easy with you, is it? (He catches him and rushes through the house with him) (They arrive outside. Damon throws Stefan on the floor. Damon kicks him, takes a branch and stabs him with it. Stefan screams) Damon: That is for screwing up my plan. You stopped me from killing Klaus, and you steal his family. Why? It doesn't make sense. Answer me! Stefan: Piece by piece, Klaus took everything from me. I'm doing the same to him Damon: But I had him, Stefan! Why'd you screw it up? Stefan: I did it to save you! (He pushes Damon) Damon: What? No. No way. You didn't do this for me Stefan: He was one step ahead of us. If Klaus died, his hybrids would have killed you Damon: When are you going to get it through your head? (He stabs Stefan with the branch again) Damon: Stop saving me [SCENE_BREAK] [The Woods] (Tyler is drinking alcohol. Jeremy arrives behind him with a crossbow) Tyler: Don't do it, Jeremy Jeremy: Why not? You stab my back, I stab yours Tyler: I didn't stab you in the back Jeremy: Is that why you wanted to hang out, to get me off the vervain? Tyler: Klaus asked me to. I never thought he would try to kill you Jeremy: It's Klaus, Tyler. What did you think was going to happen? Tyler: He doesn't care about you. All he wants is to get his family back (Tyler shots him but Tyler catches the arrow with his hand) Tyler: What the hell?! Jeremy: Whenever Klaus wants something, someone ends up dead. You think about that next time before you blindly do whatever he says Tyler: Jer, you should get home. Stay inside. Klaus isn't going to stop until he gets all those coffins back. He's not done with you (Jeremy leaves) [Gilbert's House] (Alaric wakes up and gets up. Elena arrives) Elena: Ric. Hey. When did you return to the living? Alaric: Oh, just a few minutes ago. How's Jeremy? Elena: Hating me. Hating life. Hating the fact that we can't even have a family dinner Without somebody dying before dessert. Are you okay? (He caughs blood) Elena: Oh my god Alaric: Something's wrong. The ring (He falls on the floor) (Elena opens the door to paramedics) Paramedic: What happened? Elena: He got hit by a car, and he's coughing up blood (They enter and check on him) Paramedic: Get his vitals. Pulse thready and weak. Looks like internal bleeding. We got to get him out of here. Let's move (Tony the hybrid arrives and stops at the door 'cause he can't enter) Tony: Let's not and say we did. Why don't you two meet us at the hospital? (The paramedics gets up and start leaving) Elena: What? No. No, no, no. Wait. No, wait. You have to help him (She looks at Tony) Elena: What are you doing? Tony: You can still save his life, Elena. Here. Take my blood. But... I can't get in. You're going to have to invite me Elena: No. Why are you doing this? Tony: Klaus asked for his family. You didn't deliver (Alaric caughs. She rushes over him) Elena: Ric! Oh, my god, Ric. I'm right here. Hey. Hey, look Tony: I would invite me in, Elena (Jeremy arrives and shots him with the crossbow. She gets up) Elena: Jeremy Jeremy: He's not dead yet (He enters the house) Elena: Where are you going? (He goes in the kitchen and comes back with a knife) Elena: What are you doing? (He cuts Tony's head. She screams and hides her eyes. Blood has splettered on Jeremy's face. She's shocked) Jeremy: Now he's dead. We've got to get Alaric to the hospital, now (He drops the knife on the porch and enters the house. Elena is still shocked and about to cry) [Abandonned Witch House] (It's nighttime. Damon and Stefan are outside the house) Damon: You know what I can't figure out? Why save me? Was it brotherly love, guilty conscience, Is the switch on, is the switch off? Stefan: Do you have somewhere you need to be, Damon? Damon: Ah, deflection. That's not going to work on me. I invented that Stefan: We're done. Can't you just go away? Damon: Not until you tell me why you saved me. You owe me that Stefan: I don't owe you anything Damon: Fine. Next question, why did you steal the coffins? Stefan: Because Klaus's family is one weakness I can use against him Damon: Use against him to do what? You're not going to kill him. You know how I know this? 'Cause there was only one way to kill him, and you blew that to save me Stefan: You're wrong, Damon. Klaus doesn't get to just live forever. There's another way. There has to be Damon: Fair enough. Whatever you're doing, I want in Stefan: I don't need your help Damon: Really? Last time I checked, you were hiding out in a haunted house Stefan: I'm in this alone, Damon Damon: You go after Klaus, you're going to have to be cutthroat and devious. I'm so much better at that than you. Come on, brother. What do you say? If you're going to keep saving my life, at least make it for a good reason Stefan: You want in, huh? Ok. But it's just me and you. Elena stays out of it Damon: Deal Stefan: Follow me Damon: Wait. I'm not so... Welcome in there Stefan: Don't you worry, Damon. We all want the same thing (Damon and Stefan are downstairs. The room is empty) Stefan: Have a look Damon: What? Klaus is allergic to dust? Stefan: Mmm. Look again (Damon does and the coffins appear) Stefan: Witch spirits hate Klaus as much as we do. They're using their powers to hide the coffins Damon: So if he comes in the house... Stefan: He won't be able to find them [Mystic Falls' Hospital] (Alaric is dressed up and looking at his ring. The doctor enters) Dr Fell: Mr. Saltzman. What are you doing up? You should be resting Alaric: Uh, I'm more of a walk-it-off kind of guy. Ahem. Do I need to sign something? Dr Fell: Internal hemorrhaging, 3 broken ribs, and a severe concussion. I have no idea how you're on your feet right now, but I need to run some more tests Alaric: Actually, I have someplace I need to be. But thank you, Doctor... Dr Fell: Fell. But the patients who follow my advice get to call me Meredith Alaric: Well, I appreciate your help, Dr. Fell Dr Fell: Mr. Saltzman... What is your secret? Guardian angel, or did you sell your soul to the devil? Alaric: Little of both (He leaves) [Salvatore's House] (Someone knocks on the door. Elena opens, it's Klaus) Elena: Thank you for coming Klaus: I trust you have news of Stefan Elena: I couldn't find him. But I have something else (He follows her in the basement and enters the cell with her. Rebekah's here, dead, the dagger in her heart. Klaus looks at her) Klaus: My poor sister. I can't turn my back on her for a moment Elena: You have Rebekah. A deal is a deal Klaus: The life of my sister in exchange for your brother? Yeah, I'd say that's a bargain. Consider him spared Elena: You should know, I was the one that daggered her. When she wakes, she'll come after me Klaus: I can control Rebekah. Besides, I still need your help finding Stefan Elena: I told you, I don't know where he is (He removes the dagger from Rebekah) Klaus: You're lying. Fortunately, you have no shortage of loved ones. If I don't find my family, the question you should be asking yourself is, who's going to die next? Bonnie? Caroline? Damon? It's only a matter of time before Stefan gives me what I want Elena: He doesn't care about me any more. You made sure of that. You turned him into a monster. Now he's your problem. And just so you know, I'm not the only one Rebekah wants dead. She knows what you did to your mother. She knows that you killed her. You can let yourself out (She looks at him and leaves. He seems devastated) [Mystic Falls' Hospital] (Alaric and Jeremy are outside) Jeremy: So the ring brought you back to life, but it didn't heal you. Does that mean it's broken? Alaric: I don't know. It's never happened like that before. I guess I have Damon's blood to thank. For the fact that I'm still walking Jeremy: He said to say you owe him a drink Alaric: That's funny. I'd rather have head trauma. Hey, Jeremy... You ok? Jeremy: Why wouldn't I be? I shot a hybrid in the back and chopped his head off with a meat cleaver. Typical sunday, uh? Alaric: You can talk to me about this stuff. You know that, right? Jeremy: What could you tell me that I don't already know? This is the way things are. It sucks, but I just got to get used to it [Gilbert's House] (Elena is clining a towell in the sink. The sink and her hands are full of blood. Damon arrives) Elena: Did you get rid of him? Damon: Yeah. Tony the headless hybrid's. now at the bottom of Steven's quarry Elena: What about Alaric? Damon: Took care of him, too. He'll be fine. How are you? Elena: I think I got most of the blood off the porch Damon: Elena. Look at me (She turns herself) Damon: It's going to be ok Elena: I have to tell you something. I made a deal with Klaus. I gave him Rebekah Damon: What? No, no. No. You did not do that. She's going to come here and try and kill you Elena: No, she won't. Klaus won't let her because he needs me Damon: And suddenly, you trust him? Elena: No, I don't trust him. But what other choice do I have? I don't trust Stefan. Do you think he's just going to give up the coffins? Damon: My brother's... Sort of running his own show right now Elena: Yeah. My brother just chopped off someone's head. It's not right. It's not fair. He's 16 years old. He shouldn't have to live like this Damon: Elena... Elena: There has to be another way. I have to fix it Damon: We will. Hey. Hey. Hey (He takes her face in his hands) Damon: We will. Ok? [A property] (Rebekah's laying on a table. She hasn't woken up yet) Klaus: Here we are, Rebekah. Home, sweet home. Only took 1,000 years. And to think, I was counting on you being here with me. But that's all ruined now, isn't it? (Her fingers move. She's waking up) Klaus: I'm so sorry. Sister. We'll meet again one day (He touches her face and puts the dagger in her heart again) [Gilbert's House] (Elena and Alaric enter Jeremy's bedroom) Elena: Hey. Can we talk? Jeremy: What did I do now? Elena: I've been thinking about what you said earlier, about how we should pack up and go Jeremy: Elena, I didn't mean any of that Elena: But you were right. You shouldn't have to give up a normal life. Just because of me (Damon enters) Jeremy: What's going on? Damon: Your sister thinks we should have another one of our talks (He sits next to Jeremy. Jeremy doesn't look at him firt but then he does and Damon compels him) Damon: Here's the thing, Jeremy. You're going to go out of town for a little while. A long while. You're going to stay with some nice family friends in Denver. You're going to be in a new school and meet new girls... Living girls. You're going to drink a few beers, take an art class. You can do whatever you want Alaric: Tell him he's going to leave mystic falls behind and never think twice about it (Damon looks at Elena. She nods. He looks back at Jeremy) Damon: You're going to leave mystic falls behind and never think twice about it. You're going to have a better life, Jeremy (Elena is crying) [Abandonned Witch House] (Stefan and Bonnie are downstairs, looking at the coffins. Bonnie sees the one Klaus was in in her dream and gets closer to it) Bonnie: This is the one I dreamed of (She tries to open it) Stefan: Don't bother. It won't open Bonnie: What do you mean, is it locked? Stefan: Nope. It just won't open. I've tried everything... Blow torch, ax, crowbar. I can't even scratch the finish Bonnie: That means it's closed with a spell Stefan: You mean whatever's in there should probably stay in there Bonnie: You said you wanted to make him suffer. The witches led me here for a reason. I think whatever's inside this coffin is our answer [Gilbert's House] (Damon and Elena go outside and stay on the porch) Elena: I feel like a horrible person Damon: You just saved his life, Elena. Take it from me... Estranged is bad. Dead is worse Elena: Just can't stop thinking about what happened. The last time I asked you to compel him Damon: He found out, and he got over it. Again, not dead, Elena. He's so lucky to have you for a sister Elena: Thank you Damon: No problem Elena: Not just for this, Damon. For everything. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here Damon: You should know this, Elena. Stefan didn't screw us over. He screwed us over, but he had a good reason Elena: What? Damon: He saved Klaus to save me. Then he stole the coffins to get even Elena: Damon, if he did it to protect you, then... Why would he even do that? I mean... Oh, what does it even mean? Damon: What does it mean? It means I'm an idiot. 'Cause I thought for one second that I wouldn't have to feel guilty any more Elena: What are you talking about, guilty for what? Damon: For wanting what I want Elena: Damon... Damon: No, I know. Believe me, I get it. My brother's girl and all (He leaves but then stops) Damon: No. No. You know what? If I'm going to feel guilty about something, I'm going to feel guilty about this (He gets closer to her and kisses her. They kiss. She puts her hand in one of his. He smiles) Damon: Good night (He leaves. She seems confused)

Bonnie has a dream about the witches' massacre house, where she finds the coffins of the Originals. One coffin opens and she sees the body of Klaus with the Original Witch's necklace. Back in reality, Stefan asks Bonnie for help in hiding the coffins from Klaus. Bonnie, with help from the dead witches, can make the coffins invisible. She informs Stefan that the coffin she saw opening in her dream is the key to tormenting Klaus but it is sealed with a spell. Klaus wants Elena and Damon to find Stefan in order to get his coffins back but when they refuse, he gets a hybrid to run over Jeremy who has been off vervain due to Tyler's influence and has been compelled by Klaus. Alaric pushes Jeremy out of the way and gets run over. His ring brings him back to life but does not heal him; he needs vampire blood to heal him. Alaric meets Dr. Meredith Fell ( Torrey DeVitto ), who is intrigued with his amazing ability to heal. Stefan reveals to Damon that he stopped the plan to kill Klaus to save Damon's life. Stefan then reveals his plan to torment Klaus in revenge for what Klaus turned him into and refuses to return the coffins, despite Klaus' attempts to kill Jeremy. Elena makes a deal with Klaus to spare Jeremy's life in return for Rebekah's daggered body. When Elena reveals to Klaus that Rebekah wants him dead because he killed their mother, Klaus keeps the dagger in her. Elena asks Damon to compel Jeremy to leave Mystic Falls and move away with family friends so he can have a normal life away from the supernatural. Elena thanks Damon for everything and Damon admits that because Stefan saved him, he cannot feel guilty for wanting what he wants (Elena, his brother's girl). He then says "if I'm going to feel guilty, I'll feel guilty about this" and kisses Elena.

fd_We_Bare_Bears_03x04

fd_We_Bare_Bears_03x04_0

Panda: Woah, Anime-Con! Hey, this is today, do you wanna go check this out~? (Saying towards his brothers) Grizzly: (Is drinking his tea, stops when Panda finishes asking his question) Ah... yeah, sure, when I'm uh, less busy. (Goes back to drinking his tea) Panda: (Grows a confused look) Dude, you're not doing anything. Grizzly: (Stops drinking) Uh, I'm drinking this royal milk tea. (Goes back to drinking) Panda: (Looks towards Ice Bear) Hey, you wanna go with me? Ice Bear: (Camera pans towards Ice Bear who's reading a newspaper) (Flips his newspaper around to show an advertisement for Meat-Con) Ice Bear would rather check out meat convention. Grizzly: (Looks towards Ice Bear, and speaks with an enthusiastic tone) Meat convention!? Oh I'm down for that, meat rules! Panda: (Grows a slightly irritated look and tone in his voice) Dude, I'm a vegetarian, and I thought you were busy. Grizzly: (Looks at Panda for a bit before drooping his head onto the table, lets out a sigh) Okay, I lied. I'm not busy, it's just that anime is not our thing. Ice Bear: Ice Bear only watches meat-related anime. (Shot cuts to Panda with his gaze upon something off-screen) Grizzly: (Looking at Panda with a confused look) Dude, what're you staring at? Panda: (Snaps out of his trance) ...huh, what? (Shot pans out as it shows a waitress placing a man's order on the ordering computer) Waitress: And one medium peach-milk tea with boba comes to $10. Grizzly: (Looks at Panda with a determined look) Were you staring at that girl? Ice Bear: Ice Bear saw a smile. Panda: Wha- No! Grizzly: You should totally talk to her, man. Panda: (Looks at the girl a bit before looking back at his brothers) Ma- I mean... s-should I? But how? Grizzly: (Gets up from his seat, looking at Panda with smiling ambition) Brother, just watch. (Begins walking towards the waitress) Ice Bear: Talk about meat. (Follows Grizzly) Panda: (Grows a much worried tone to his voice) Wait! Wh-wh-what are you doing?! (Shot cuts to Grizzly and Ice Bear now standing at the ordering station where the waitress is standing behind) Waitress: (Says in a slightly bored tone) Oh hi... can I help you? Grizzly: (Places his right arm upon the ordering station, and staring at the waitress with a slightly mischievous look) Yes you can. My brother Panda, hehe, he likes you~! He's like, super nice! Ice Bear: Ice Bear thinks he's a solid six. Panda: (Has his hands on the sides of his head, watching with embarrassment both in his feelings and in his tone of voice) Nooo, what the heck are you saying? (Said quietly) Grizzly: Check it out! He's sitting right over there, that handsome guy? Stuff around his eyes? (Points at Panda as he's saying all of this, causing the waitress to notice him) Panda: (Sees everyone now staring at him) (Begins blushing immensely and out of embarrassment, freaking out as he quickly swifts his eyes left and right) (Gets up from his seat, and runs out of the store) Grizzly: (Hears Panda run out of the store) Huh? Hey, Pan-Pan! Where you going? (Scene cuts to the outside of the Bears' cave under the night light. Cuts to the Bears' TV on Cineweb looking for a movie/show to watch) Grizzly: (Scrolling to the right as he scans the movies) Nope... Nope... Nope... (Soon highlights onto a show titled "My Sassy Heart") Panda: (Gets excited when he sees "My Sassy Heart") Oh, "My Sassy Heart"! Let's watch this, I heard it was amazing! Grizzly: Eh, let's just watch "Hot Dog Ninja" again! Panda: (Grows an annoyed tone to his voice) What? Come on, we watched that like eight times already! Grizzly: He-yeah, man, it's that good! Panda: Come on, I've been wanting to watch this, dude. Grizzly: Okay, well, let's just put it to a vote! Who wants to watch "My Little Poopy Heart"? Panda: (Raises his left paw as he glares at Grizzly) It's called "My Sassy Heart". Grizzly: Or, how about "Hot Dog Ninja"? (Raises his right paw up) Ice Bear: (Raises his left paw up) Panda: (Sees both Grizzly and Ice Bear with their hands up, plants his face into his paws in an irritated manner) Uh, you guys always win! "Hot Dog Ninja" doesn't even make any sense! (Angrily stomps his way out of the TV room) (Cuts to Panda in his room, laying on his bed on his left side with his phone in both of his paws as he watches "My Sassy Heart" on there. Hearing the characters of the show talk to each other. While watching the show, the episode pauses when an ad for "Buddy Maker" pops up on the bottom section of Panda's screen) Panda: Hey, what the--... "Buddy Maker"? Hm. (Clicks on the ad, leading him to a screen that explains to Panda what "Buddy Maker" does) "Meet new compatible friends"... that sounds pretty cool. (Taps the download button located at the bottom of the screen) "Step 1: Upload a photo", okay. (Lifts his left paw up to get his camera set, while he lays his right arm down the bed upward, the entire pose giving off a seductive look) (Taps on his phone after he takes the photo) Next, umm, survey: "Favorite color?" Red. "Favorite shape?" hmmm, circle. "Movie?" (Lightly giggles) "Romance" of course. (The "Buddy Maker" app begins searching for a buddy for Panda, and after some analyzing of the information Panda submitted to it, the app picks out a man by the name of "Tom" with a match percentage of 99.3%) Panda: "Tom". Voice of Phone: Would You Like To Schedule A Hangout? (Presents a button that says "Schedule hangout?") Panda: Uh, sure. (Taps the "Schedule hangout?" button) Voice of Phone: Schedule Confirmed. Panda: (Gets off of his side, and lays on his back with his phone still laid out on his right paw) (Lets out a sigh) Hmm... Tom... (Soon enough falls asleep) THE NEXT DAY... (Scene cuts to the new day with a full outside view of the store, "Boba My <3", the same store all of the bears were at at the beginning of the episode. The shot cuts to Panda sitting at a table on a green chair checking out his "Buddy Maker" profile. Panda: (Clicks on the button, "My Buddies", which leads him to the profile picture of his latest buddy, Tom) ???: Uh, excuse me... Panda: (Puts down his phone to see Tom in front of him) Tom: A-A-Are you Panda? Panda: (Caught off guard by Tom's sudden appearance) Huh? Buh, yeah, je-yeah, that's me! (Puts on an awkward smile) Tom: I'm Tom. May I sit? Panda: Dah, yeah, of course. Sit, please. Tom: Thanks. (Takes a seat on the other green chair at the table, which is across from Panda) It's nice to meet you. (Waves to Panda with his left hand) Panda: (Nervously giggles) Likewise. (Waves his right paw to Tom) Tom: Heh, this is a bit awkward. (Scratches the left side of his head) Panda: (Nervously giggles more) Yeah, sorry, I've--I've never done this before. (Scratches the right side of his head) Tom: (Waves both of his hands away from) Me neither. So uhh, what made you try "Buddy Maker"? Panda: I just clicked on an ad, I don't know. I guess I just wanted to find someone like umm... Tom: (Finishes Panda's sentence) Like you? Panda: Uh, yeah! Exactly! Tom: (Laughs a bit) Cool! Sooo, I-I saw you're into Korean dramas? Panda: Yeah, I got into this show called "My Sass-- Tom: "My Sassy Heart"!!! I love that show! Panda: (Shockingly gasps) Really?! Waitress: (Walks over at their table) Hey, you're back! Panda: Uhm-- Waitress: It's me, you came in with your brothers the other day. You wanted my number, mmhm-remember~? (Says in a flattered tone) Panda: Oh, I uh, I wha-a-- Tom: I'd like the tofu salad, please! Waitress: Oh, okay. (Gets out a pen, and writes down Tom's order on her mini-notepad) One tofu salad. So Panda, do you want my-- Panda: (Cuts the waitress's sentence off by talking to Tom) Tom, are you a vegetarian? Tom: Uh huh. Wait, are you? Panda: Yeah! I'm allergic to any kind of nuts! Tom: (Gasps excitingly) I'm also a victim of nut allergies! Panda: Really?! Tom: I don't believe it! Nobody knows the kind of suffering we go through! Panda: I know! I was gonna get the tofu salad too! Tom: Dude, we should just share one! Panda: Uh, yeah, okay~! Waitress: So, Panda, do you want my number? Panda: Nah, just a salad, please. Waitress: Okay, one salad... (Walks off with an annoyed tone) Tom: (Says to the waitress while she walks away) And please make sure there's no nuts in it! Thank you!... Man, she's really pretty! Anyway, where were we? Panda: I don't know, but we have a lot in common; I'm just so glad I met you! Tom: (Laughs to himself) Me too... (Cuts to a montage of Tom & Panda hanging out with each other doing a variety of activities. First, them going to Anime-Con with Panda getting a photo taken by Tom with 2 cosplayers next to Panda. Then, cuts to both Panda & Tom watching the show, "My Sassy Heart", on Panda's phone, sitting on a bench in the middle of a park. Then, cuts to them sitting at a table with an shade umbrella over them while they share head-buds listening to a song; Panda taps Tom's right shoulder a couple of times when Panda spots 2 girls getting ready to walk by them. Before they pass them, Panda & Tom quickly take out their ear-bud, and slouch back on their chairs with an arm over the head of the chair while giving the girls a flirty look. The girls walk by and see them, causing them to giggle and blush; when the girls are gone, Panda & Tom close-in with each other and giggle to themselves of what just happened. This marks the end of the hangout montage.) (Scene cuts to the outside of the Bears' cave at night time) Panda & Tom: (Walk inside the cave with their arm over each other's shoulder, laughing with each other) Grizzly: (Sitting on the couch with Ice Bear) Dude, where've you been? We've been waiting for like an hour! Ice Bear: Ice Bear is starving. Panda: (Places his paws on his cheeks when he's hit with the realization, causing him to get instantly remorseful) D'oh shoot, I totally forgot we were supposed to get pizza, I'm sorry, man. I was having too much fun with Tom. Tom, these are my brothers. Grizzly: Oh hey, what's up? I'm Grizz. (Waves with his right paw) Ice Bear: Ice Bear. (Points at himself with his left paw) Grizzly: Oh, hey, you guys are kinda matching, you're like twins! (Laughs to himself a bit) Panda: I know, right~? Tom is so awesome, we have so much in common! I love anime!-- Tom: And I love anime! I'm vegetarian! Panda: And I'm vegetarian too! Panda & Tom: (Laughs to themselves a bit) Grizzly: (Looks at Ice Bear) Okay, are we ready for pizza? Panda: Oh! Can Tom join us? Tom: (Waves to both Grizzly and Ice Bear) It's okay, I don't wanna impose. Panda: It's cool, man, right? Grizzly: Uh... Grizzly & Ice Bear: (Both look at each other for a bit, before going back to looking at Panda & Tom) Grizzly: Sure. (Shrugs when answering) Panda: Yeah! I'll race you to the bus stop! (Runs out of the cave giggling) Tom: Hey, wait for me! (Runs after Panda giggling as well) Grizzly & Ice Bear: (Once again, look at each other with confusion on their faces) (Scene cuts to a close-up on a restaurant table, it soon having a pizza with one half consisting of pepperoni, bacon, and sausage bits, and the other half consisting of mushrooms, olives, and green & red pepper slices) Grizzly: Mmm, Oh this looks delicious, thank you! Alright, dig in~! (Grabs a piece of the vegetarian pizza side for Tom that was touching a meat slice) Tom: (Looks at the pizza slice weirdly) Oooh, actually, that slice was touching a meat slice; I can't eat it. Grizzly: (Gives Tom a confused look) ...what? Panda: (Says to Grizzly in a bit of a snappy tone) Just give him a better slice, man! Grizz: Okay, okay. (Puts the first slice back, grabs another vegetarian slice that wasn't touching a meat slice, and gives it to Tom) (Has an unamused look) Tom: Thanks, Griff! Grizzly: It's Grizz. (Clears his throat) So a, we went to check out the meat convention and... Tom: (Cuts Grizzly off by chatting with Panda) So, what did you think of last night's episode? Panda: Holy cow, do you think Kisuk will finally tell her the truth?! Tom: He has to! It's almost the season finale! Grizzly: (Is looking at both Panda & Tom with an unamused, and slightly irritated look while he has his arms crossed) This is getting creepy. Ice Bear: (Too looking at Panda & Tom) Ice Bear getting heebie-jeebies. Tom: Maybe tomorrow you can come over to my place and watch it! Panda: Yeah~! (Gets a worried look) Oh, wait, that would end pretty late though. How would I get back? Tom: You can just stay over! That way we can talk about the show all night long! Panda: (Has both of his paws under his mouth with an excited antsy look) Or maybe rewatch the entire show? Tom: (Throws his hands up high) Haha, nothing can stop us! Tom & Panda: (Proceed to giggle with each other) Grizzly: (Has an irritated look on his face as he watches all of this) (Raises his right paw up as he looks behind himself) Check please. (Scene cuts to Panda in front of the cave's front entrance door open, and with Panda about to go inside as he says waves to Tom) Panda: Alright, dude, I'll see you tomorrow! Tom: (Begins walking off while waving bye to Panda) Okay, see you later, PP! Panda: (Giggles to himself before closing the door all the way) S-Stop calling me that. (Shuts the door) Grizzly & Ice Bear: (Both are sitting on the couch of the TV room playing a video game) Grizzly: Hey, Pan-Pan, wanna play this game with us? Panda: Nope. Ah, I'm a go to bed, gotta make sure I got enough rest before I meet Tom tomorrow. (Suddenly feels his phone ring and vibrate) Oh wait, somebody's calling. (Answers the call) Oh, it's Tom! Tom: (Walking forward as he talks with Panda via video) Hey hey hey! I'm walking to the bus stop right now! Panda: That's cool! I'll walk with you! (Proceeds to begin walking through the hallway that leads towards his room) Grizzly & Ice Bear: (For a third time, look at each other with a face of confusion) (Cuts to the outside of Panda's room with his door halfway open) [SCENE_BREAK] Panda: Oh I can't wait for the next episode, dude. I think Kisuk is gonna find out about the other girl! Tom: (Has his hand over the right side of his head in a playful manner) No, I want him to stay in love with Miyoung! Panda: The I know! Hahaha, their friendship is over! (Lays on his right side) Tom: Yeah, that stinks. Panda: Yep. Tom: Hey, Panda, today was great. Promise me we'll stay friends forever. Panda: Pfff, of course, man! BFFs, remember? Best Friends Forever. Tom: (Lets out a satisfied sigh) It stinks we can't be hanging out right now. Wish we could be roommates. Panda: Uh huh, yeah! Tom: Cool. (Hears his bus come to stop at the bus stop he's standing at) Oh, my bus is here! I'll talk to you later, PP! Panda: Okay! See ya tomorrow! (Laughs a bit) (Phone call ends) Oooh man, classic Tom. (Falls asleep) THE NEXT DAY... (Scene cuts to the morning of 8:15 am with a close-up of Panda's alarm clock going off, next to it being a book titled "INFINITE 'Infinite Heart'", and a letter that has written on it, "For Panda ^^". Panda: (Begins to wake up as he hears the loud alarm clock, proceeding to get out of his blanket, stand up, and silent his alarm clock) (Walks towards his covered window as he yawns and stretches his arms out, his eyes still closed) (Moves his blinds away from the window, and as soon as he opens them up, is immediately greeted with not the forest he lives near, but a giant city scenary consisting of giant buildings, and no almost no trees to see; Panda too living in a tall building himself somehow) Ah! Ah, Whoa! (As he steps back in shock and even terror, he accidentally trips over his bed, and ends up landing on the other side of it) What's going on!?! (Proceeds to charge out of his door) Ah-- Wha-?? (Scene switches to the apartment Panda is somehow in right now as it pans from left to right. We see white desk being held up by rounded half-circled legs as it holds a big white computer that resembles an Apple computer with a speaker next to it, a pair of headphones, a phone, a big black computer swivel chair, and the computer's hard drive itself under the desk; all of what was described lays in front of a large window that plays the role of a wall, allowing us to see a beautiful look of the city Panda's currently at. In the middle of the room, rests a giant flatscreen TV that's currently playing an episode of the show, "My Sassy Heart". Around it lays a white round couch, a wooden fold-out table on the couch's right side, and tall lamp that arches over the couch, 2 speakers that hang above the TV's top-right and top-left sides, a projector hanging from the ceiling, and 2 tall rectangular columns, both holding about 6 shelves of media. On the right side of the apartment lays the white entrance door, a red guitar, a picture/mirror hanging on the wall above the red guitar, and a whole black mini-kitchen that consists of a stove drawers, shelves, an oven, a wooden holder for knives, and in the middle of the kitchen hangs the picture Tom took of Panda when they were at Anime-Con yesterday. In the kitchen is Tom himself as he prepares something in a pan) Tom: (Notices Panda in the room, and instantly waves at Panda) (Says with happiness) Good morning! Panda: (Dumbfounded by what he's witnessing) ...What is this? Tom: (Walks towards Panda) I was gonna surprise you, but, welcome to our new place, man! (Places his left hand on Panda's right shoulder as he extends his right arm forward, showing off the new apartment) (Walks over on Panda's left side behind him, now placing his right arm around Panda as he drags him around the apartment) Remember, you said it would be cool if we were roommates? So yep, here it is! I got everything you can ask for, man! Check it out: Voice-activated computer, (Computer turns on as soon as he finishes saying that) nice, right? (Switches over to Panda's right side behind him) And look, it's a kitchen! Vegan omelettes at work as I speak! (Begins walking Panda towards the TV) And lastly, All of "My Sassy Heart" on loop, and no brothers! Just us BFFs~! So, what do you think? Panda: ...What do I think?... What do i think?!? Dude, you just kidnapped me!! Tom: (Taken slightly off guard by Panda's reaction) What?! No no no no! Panda: This is too far! Where the heck are we? How did my stuff get here? How did I even get here?!? Tom: Friendship brought you here, man! Love did this.. love and a rental truck. Panda: Friends don't do this to each other! Dingle! (Proceeds to angrily walk off) Tom: Y-You can't leave! I'm cooking vegan omelettes, man! Panda: Don't care! (Walking closer and closer to the entrance door, getting ready to leave Tom's apartment) Tom: ...Voice command! Lock all exits! (The entrance door immediately locks itself after hearing Tom's request) Panda: (Tries to open the door, but has no success doing so) Wha-? (Looks to his left as he sees Tom behind him, blankly staring at him) Open the door, man! (Says in a slightly shooken voice) Tom: (Begins slowly walking towards Panda with his hands open just and over his chest) Not until we finish our conversation, Panda. (Places both of his hands on Panda's shoulders as he slightly pulls Panda towards him) You said you were gonna be best friends forever. Remember? There's no backing out now. Panda: (Nervously laughs) Okay, you got it, buddy. Look, I-I-I need to go to the bathroom right now. (Nervously smiles) Tom: ....Of course! Bathroom's that way. (Points for Panda where the bathroom is, it being the door near the TV) Panda: (Keeps that large nervous smile as he walks towards the bathroom) Tom: (Sighs) Good all PP. Panda: (Enters the bathroom, and as soon as he closes the door, he quickly begins hugging the door with his back with his arms spread wide alongside with his legs) (Jumps off of the door and in the middle of the bathroom, freaking out) Daahh! I gotta get outta here! (Quickly searches for any possible exit before laying his eyes upon the bathroom's window) Huh? (Scene cuts to the outside of the building as it shows Panda breaking the window with a kitty mug) (Sticks his head out of the window to look for any possible route, and sees a metal platform on his left side being hung from wires) Tom: (Is outside the bathroom door knocking on it) Hey Panda, buddy? Everything okay in there? Panda: (Switches to Panda trying to extend his body over on the hanging metal platform, trying to hook his leg around a railing it has, trying desperately not to fall down the building) (Just barely makes it onto the hanging platform as it begins swinging back-and-forth while he sits on the edge of it at first, this happening before the swinging causes him to fall forward into the platform) Tom: There's extra towels in the right cabinet--ha!! (Sees Panda swinging on the hanging platform thanks to the large window wall on the left side of the apartment) (Quickly enters the bathroom, and sticks his head out of the window Panda busted) Panda!! Panda: Huh! Stay away, Tom! Tom: (Begins climbing out of the window and onto the window's small platform it has) Just hang tight, PP! Hah! (Leaps from the window and towards Panda & the hanging platform) Panda: No, wait! (Screaming as he sees Tom jump towards him) Tom: (Makes it onto the platform by catching the railing with his arms, the platform itself begins to swing back-and-forth again) (Most likely due to their combined weights, the swings, and them jumping into it, the platform begins breaking as its wires that keep it lifted begin failing to support the platform) Tom: (Climbs all the way in the platform, and lands on his chest with his lower half laying upon the platform's railings) What're you doing here, man?! Panda: (Tightly gripping upon the railings of the platform trying ot keep his balance as it continues to go downward slowly) I'm going back to my brothers, Tom. It doesn't matter if I don't have everything in common with them! Tom: But. Panda: That's not how best friends work, Tom! Tom: (Looks down, and soon stands up, beginning to feel heavily regretful of his actions) What've I done? (The wires continue to fail more and more to keep the platform lifted up, causing the platform itself to violently go down more and more) Tom & Panda: Wah! / No! (Both look at the platform's two right supporting wires as they completely snap, causing the entire platform to turn a full 90 clockwise, now only being lifted up by the two left wires) Panda: (Fortunately, he grips onto both sides of the platform's railings, keeping him from not leaving the platform) Tom: (Was unprepared for the sudden change of angles, and ends up falling forward and almost out of the platform, but very fortunately, he manages to grab a hold of the railing of the platform with his right hand) (Is now hanging for dear life as his legs float above the long fall) Nah! I'm a horrible best friend! Save yourself, Panda! Panda: (Proceeds to desperately extend his right paw to try and lift him up) No, I can pull you up! Tom: No you can't! You have very poor upper-body strength! It's one of the many things we have in common! (His right hand's grip upon the railing begins loosening) Panda: (Still has his right paw out for Tom) Tom! Tom: Panda, I'm sorry! Panda: It's okay! It's gonna be okay! Tom: (Begins tearing up as he tries to desperately keep his grip) I-I-I Don't think it is! (Loses his grip upon the railing of the platform, and begins instantly falling down from it) (Screams) Panda: Tom! (Scene cuts to a window being opened by a black man with black bushy hair, thick black eyebrows, and a forest green "Sports" t-shirt; the other person being a white man with a white hoodie, light blonde hair, and light blonde eyebrows) Griff: (Rests his left elbow on the window as he rests his head upon his hand) Dude, if we don't get another roommate, we won't make rent. We're totally gonna get evicted. Isaac: Isaac doesn't wanna lose his walk-in closet. Griff: (Extends his arms out as he looks up with a worried tone to his voice) What are we gonna do?! (Unintentionally catches Tom with his extended arms, instantly growing a surprised look) ...Hey man. You wouldn't be looking for a place to live, would you? Tom: (Smiles) Panda: (In the distance) Hey, uh, can you guys call the fire department, please? (Scene cuts to the Bears' cave's front entrance door in the inside of the cave. Something playing from the TV can be heard) Hot Dog Ninja: Hah! Feel the wrath of my buns! (Punching and other combat sounds can be heard) Panda: (Walks in through the door, and closes it) (Has a sad look on his face at firs, before his face begin to lighten up a bit when he sees his brothers) Grizzly & Ice Bear: (Sitting on the couch watching "Hot Dog Ninja"; Ice Bear carrying a cup of tea with both of his paws as he watches, and Grizzly resting his elbow on the couch's left side arm rest with his paw holding up his head; his right arm laying over the couch's head) Grizzly: Man, the animation is so much better than last season's-- Panda: (Walks towards his brothers, but still having a bit of a distance from them) Grizzly: (Notices Panda walking towards him and Ice Bear, grabs the remote control with his left paw, and pauses the movie they were watching) Hey, Pan-Pan. W-Where ya been all day? W-Where's your friend, uh T-Tom, right? Panda: (Rubs the back of his head with his left paw) (Pulls off a light smile) Oh, I uh, I don't think we're gonna be hanging out anymore. Grizzly: (Grows a sad look on his face) Ooh... I'm sorry, bud. He seemed um... nice. Ice Bear: Ice Bear thought he was a solid five. (Closes his eyes when he takes a sip on his tea) Grizzly: (Gives Ice Bear a stern look that says "You're not helping") (Looks back at Panda, and pats the open middle section of the couch with his right paw) Here, come sit with us, Pan-Pan. Panda: (Takes the spot Grizzly told him to sit at, and sits down) Grizzly: Look, y-you wanna watch that Korean show? The uh-uh "My Gassy Heart"? Panda: (Places his right paw on Grizzly's right arm) No no, it's okay! I don't care what we watch... I just wanna hang out with my brothers. (Looks back at the TV screen with a smile on his face) Grizzly: (Smiles from Panda's words, and unpauses "Hot Dog Ninja") Hot Dog Ninja: Taste my blade, taco samurai! Hi-Yah!

Panda uses an app to find a friend with whom he has more in common, but things take a turn for the worse when the new friend gets too possessive.

fd_Angel_02x02

fd_Angel_02x02_0

Inside Cordelia's apartment. Wesley is holding a black and white photograph of a 1920's hotel building. Wesley: "The Hyperion Hotel. It appears to be abandoned." Angel: "68 rooms, 68 vacancies." Wesley hands the picture to Angel: "California Spanish, deco influence - I'd say built in the late 1920's" Angel: "That'd be my guess. It's just west of here in what used to be the heart of Hollywood. No telling how long it's been empty." Cordelia comes out of her kitchen carrying a tray with two cups and a tall glass on it and sets it down on the table. Wesley: "From the look of it - years." Angel: "Hmm." Cordy hands Wesley a cup: "English breakfast tea. (sets the other cup on the table) Coffee. (hands the tall glass to Angel) O-pos." Wesley sits down: "Do we suspect it's current condition is due to more than just the tourist trade drying up?" Angel: "Yeah." Angel looks at the dark liquid in his glass. Cordy: "Something the matter?" Angel: "I - uhm, I-I think its gone bad. It's starting to coagulate." Angel sets the glass down. Cordy: "Huh? (Cordy picks it up to take a closer look at it.) No. That's cinnamon. (Hands it back to Angel, who gives her a look.) What, I can't try something?" Wesley: "Uh, what's the interest?" Angel: "I need you two to look into the history of it. Find out who owns it now and why they are letting it stay empty like that." Wesley: "Who's the client." Angel: "There is no client. (Starts to leave) I'll check back with you later to see what you found out." Cordy sits down: "Cryptic much?" Wesley: "Angel, this is more than just a sudden interest in real estate." Angel putting on his jacket: "You'll have to access police files. Focus on cold cases, homicides, unsolved missing persons. Start at the beginning, take it up to the present day." Wesley: "You believe whatever made this place its home did so for some time." Angel: "Probably right up to the end." Cordy and Wesley look at each other as Angel walks out the door. Cut to a black and white shot of the hotel behind a fence with a sign reading "Melman Realty & Development 555-0157." The camera pulls closer, passing through the fence. Two old style cars drive down the street in front of the hotel as color slowly fades back into everything. Blend into a bellhop opening the door of the hotel - people walking through the lobby - pan over to the hotel's desk and the manager sorting through some envelopes while a bellhop leans on the counter beside him. Manager: "Returned mail from 315. Mr. Ferris really must stop writing to his mother postage-due. (The bellhop picks up the letters from the counter while the manager takes a bottle out of his jacket pocket) Mrs. Miggin's breakfast from Val's liquors. (Hands it to the bellhop) Make sure she makes this one last. They've cut off her credit... And (hands the bellhop a silver tray with a piece of paper on it) the weekly bill for 217." Bellhop: "W-w-why me? I did it the last time! (The manager is unmoved) Guy gives me the heebie-jeebies. - How about instead of this bill I deliver an eviction notice?" Manager: "We can not evict residents on the grounds of the heebie-jeebies. Now, if we did - we'd have to shut down, wouldn't we?" Bellhop: "Ever look into his eyes? - There's nothing there." The manager laughs at him and the bellhop reluctantly gets going. We see the elevator arrive and open on the second floor. The bellhop just stares down the dingy hallway until the door is about to close on him. Puts his hand between the doors, then takes a deep breath and holding the platter out in front of him slowly marches down the hall to 217. Takes another deep breath and knocks on the door ever so softly. Bellhop in low voice: "Hello. Bellman. Anybody home? - Okay, I guess you've gone out, so... (Hears a slight noise from inside the room and quickly sets the tray on the floor in front of the door) I'll just leave this, you know, outside your door, and you can pick it up when its, what you call, more convenient." Quickly heads back to the elevator, gets inside and repeatedly pushes on of its buttons. Bellhop: "Come on, come on, come on." The door of 217 opens and the bellhop glances around the closing doors as we see a hand pick up the bill. The camera pans up a pair of dark slacks to a red shirt hanging open over a white T-shirt and up to the man's face. It's Angel, with his hair slicked to the side. Intro. We see the outside of the abandoned Hyperion hotel during the day, then cut to the deserted lobby inside. It's the same place Angel found at the end of the last episode. Angel comes up out of the basement and looks around. We hear a tinny sounding voice, like from an old-style radio or television. Voice: " ...that I have to teach this committee the basic principles of Americanism..." Gavel bangs and another voice interrupts: "That's not the question! That's not the question. The question is: are you know or have you ever been a member of the communist party?" First voice as we go back in time to people watching the McCarthy hearings on television in the hotel lobby: "I'm framing my answer in the only way that an American citizen can frame his answer to this question..." Interrogator: "Then you don't deny..." First voice continuing: "...which is completely invasive..." Man waves dismissively and walks away from the others still watching. A guy runs after a young blonde storming across the lobby. Guy: "Ah, come on, honey! How do you think Lana Turner got started?" She keeps going - past Angel as he picks up a newspaper as he passes a table and glances through it while he walks across the lobby in the other direction. Bellhop as Angel passes him: "Uh, no messages for 217." Angel ignores him. The bellhop steps behind the counter as the manager rings the bell and hands something to a bellhop to take to 515 then returns to speak to someone standing in front of the counter. Manager: "Yes, I understand what the sign says, but it's wrong. We really have no vacancies at the moment." The camera pans around to reveal that he is talking to a well-dressed family of blacks. Father: "You're kidding. The sign is wrong. Sure it is. Come on" Camera pans past them to show us Angel stepping into the elevator, carrying the newspaper and a brown paper bag. He steps out of the elevator. There is a man in a suit standing in the hallway. Angel walks past him and takes out his keys as a door further down opens and two men step out. One fully dressed the other in a housecoat (looking vaguely like Rock Hudson), both of them laughing. Actor: "Oh, wait, wait. (Straightens the others jacket) There we go. You look awesome Larry. (They see Angel looking at them and they step apart and shake hands) Good night." Larry walks down the hall and Angel and Actor look at each other for a moment before they both step into their rooms. Angel drops his keys and newspaper onto a table and takes a bottle of blood out of the brown bag and sets it beside them. Goes to fill the ice-bucket out in the hallway. Sees a salesman standing in the hallway, talking to someone hidden around a corner. Salesman: "Yes. - Yes. - Yes. - I understand. - Of course. (We hear some overlapping whispering voices) I am." Angel fills his bucket and looks down the hall to see a guy banging on a door, when he looks back the Salesman is gone. Angel walks past the man, still standing in front of the closed door and enters his room. Locks the door, sticks the bottled blood into the bucket. Senses another presence in the room with him, and puts the lid on the bucket before turning around. A dark-haired young lady wearing a light floral dress steps out of the bathroom. Judy: "I'll be finished here in just two shakes, sir." Goes over to the bed to straighten the sheets. Angel: "You're not the maid." Judy: "I-I don't know what you mean." Angel: "You're not a maid in this hotel. There is no cleaning trolley outside the door. Those sheets are dirty. (Steps closer to her and she quits fiddling with the sheets) and you're the wrong color." Judy turns to face him: "I'm sorry. - Uhm, the door was open, and I was just... I-I didn't mean..." Angel: "I've got nothing here to steal." Judy: "No. I wasn't trying to steal from you. Honest. I can explain." Angel: "Not interested. Just go." Judy: "Uhm - I can't." Angel takes a hold of her arm and drags her towards the door: "I'll help you." Judy: "Uhm - uhm - my-my boyfriend, he's kind of the jealous type..." Angel: "Maybe you shouldn't go wandering into other men's rooms." Judy: "Wait, please! He can't find me." There is a scratching noise and Angel looks at the door. The lock is slowly turning. Angel pushes Judy against the wall so she'll be behind the door and opens it. The guy that was banging on the door in the hallway is kneeling on the floor a lock-pick in his hands. PI gets up: "Where is she? (Angel just looks at him) Look pal, this really isn't something you want to get involved in." Angel: "That's true. Which is why you're gonna turn around and go away." PI: "Sorry, I can't do that, partner. Because I know you're hiding her in there." Angel: "I'm not hiding anybody." PI: "No? - Then why don't you send her on out here. That way I don't have to come in there and get her." Angel: "You're not coming in here." PI gives a short laugh and takes off his hat. PI: "You won't mind if I just come in and take a look around then." PI pulls his jacket aside revealing a gun in a holster. Angel looks at it, then back at the PI, finally he lets go of the door. The PI puts his hat back on and saunters into the room - only to have Angel slam the door against his face. The PI stumbles back holding his nose, groaning in pain. Angel: "Gee, I guess I do mind," The PI tries to go for his gun, but Angel twists his arm up and takes a hold of his ear and escorts him down the hall to the elevator. The elevator opens just as they get there, revealing the bellhop and a cart of luggage. Angel throws the PI into the elevator. Angel: "He's going down." The bellhop, without saying a word pushes the down button as Angel walks back to his room and Judy standing just outside of it. Judy: "Gosh. I mean that was - Gosh. Listen. I know we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Judy." Angel walks past her and slams his door shut. Blend into the present day hallway and Angel looking at the door of the room he used to stay in. Wesley: "The hotel officially closed its doors on December 16th 1979. On that morning the concierge, Roland Meeks, made his morning wake-up calls with a twelve gauge shotgun, room to room. It's been empty ever since." He sits down at the table in Cordy's apartment, next to Cordy who is sitting in front of a laptop. Cordy: "According to city records it was declared a protect historical landmark. The Property Management Company that owns it has been trying to unload it for ten years - no buyers." Wesley: "Mmm, no wonder. Even a cursory inspection of these records indicates a storied legacy of murder of mayhem dating back to the hotel's construction in '28, when a roofer leapt to his death taking two coworkers with him." Cordy: "Yeah that's all really interesting. What are we doing?" Wesley: "Doing?" Cordy: "Yes! You did notice that Angel neglected to tell us the, for instance, point of all this." Wesley: "Ah- well - I mean, clearly he has us compiling incidents - ah, arranging data, organizing information in such a way that (Cordy raises her eyebrows at him) yes, I-I did notice that, the no point thing. Frankly I haven't the slightest idea what to do with all this. (Cordy is looking through some old photographs and notices something on one of them.) We could make a collage - or a mobile." Cordy: "Wesley! (Shows him the photo) Look who was staying here in '52." Wesley spots Angel in the background of the picture. Wesley: "Well. Now we know one thing for certain." Cordy: "Yup. It's not that vampires don't photograph, it's just that they don't photograph *well*." Wesley: "I mean - that Angel had a personal connection to this place." Cordy: "So, why didn't he just tell us?" Wesley after a beat: "Perhaps he was ashamed to." Back in '52 Angel is lighting a cigarette in his hotel room, and looks over towards the adjoining room where a jaunty song is playing. Singer: "Whoop-de-do, whoop-de-do, I hear a polka and my troubles are through..." Camera moves through the wall into the next room. Singer: "Whoop-de-do, whoop-de-do, this kind of music is like heaven to me, whoop-de-do, whoop-de-do, it's got me higher than a kite..." We hear some whispering voices as the salesman from earlier turns down the volume on the turntable. Singer: "Hand me down my soup and fish, I am gonna to get my wish..." Salesman straightens up: "Yes? (half heard whispering) Yes, I did. - Yes, I do." The salesman walks over to the table, lays his hat on it and picks up a gun and inspects it. Cut to Angel pouring himself a glass of blood. Cut to the salesman sitting down on the edge of his bed. Singer: "...lead me to the floor and hear me yell for more, because I'm a whoop-de-doin' kind of guy..." The Salesman picks up a pillow then slowly slides down the side of the bed to sit on the floor. Chorus: "Whoop-de-do, whoop-de-do, I hear a polka and my troubles are through..." The salesman presses the pillow up against the side of his head. Cut to Angel about to take a drink from his glass when he hears a gunshot coming from the next room, and the record gets stuck repeating 'got me higher than a kite' over and over. After only the slightest hesitation Angel sips his blood, no apparent emotion visible on his face. Break Angel walks down the hallway in the present. Pan to blend into the bellhop and the manager walking down the same corridor in '52 going the other direction. Bellhop: "She just started cleaning the rooms on this floor when she found him." Manager: "Did she touch anything?" Bellhop: "Consuela? Does she ever?" They enter the room of the salesman and see him lying by the bed. Manager: "Oh my goodness. This is the third one in as many months. Why can't they ever do it in their own homes, for god's sake?" Bellhop, chewing gum, steps closer, his hands in his pockets, to look down at the body. Bellhop: "I should have seen it coming. The guy did seem pretty depressed." Manager: "Oh, really? How could you tell?" Bellhop: "Kind of cheap, though. The death-wishers usually tip better. Like they know they're not gonna take it with them anyway? (The manager hears an indistinct whisper and steps closer to the camera as the bellhop continues in the background) See, if you look at the way this body is laid down - you can tell a lot about..." The whispering becomes clearer as the manager starts to listen to it. Demonic voice: "Three in three months. They'll shut you down." Manager: "Yes. They will." Bellhop: "So, who do you want me to call first - carpet cleaners or the cops?" Manger: "What?" Bellhop stepping closer: "Who do you want me to call first - carpet cleaners or the cops?" Manager: "Don't be mad. No one is calling anyone. They'll shut us down." Bellhop: "What about him?" Manager: "What about him? He's dead." Bellhop: "Well, we can't just leave him here." Manager on his way out the door: "No, of course not. We'll - ah, - we'll store him in the meat locker." Bellhop: "Store him? (the door closes behind the manager) We're gonna store him?" Guest talking to each other down in the lobby. Scriptwriter: "The candle salesman in 215 - shot himself." Actor: "Really. Suicide?" Actress: "Right here in this hotel. And I hear they're not even going to report it." Actor: "That's terrible!" Writer: "What's so terrible? The guy punched his own ticket, why get outside parties involved?" Actor: "Are all screenwriters this crass?" Writer: "Are all actors this na ve? - Do you want the cops nosing around here asking questions, or the press?" Actor: "Well, nothing wrong with discretion, I suppose." Actress: "That's always been my moto." Camera pans over to an older man sitting on one of the sofas as we hear that whispering again. Demonic voice: "Maybe this wasn't a suicide. Are you sure you're safe here?" Cut to an observatory at night with people walking towards its doors. Judy walks down to where Angel is standing, smoking a cigarette, looking out over the valley below. Judy: "World ends in ten minutes. (Angel glances in her direction then ignores her) I saw you over here. I hope you don't mind. I thought I'd say hello. (Angel keeps looking out and she keeps talking to his back.) Hello. (laughs) Have you seen the show? (Angel takes a drag from his cigarette) - You should. It makes whatever - problems we have seem insignificant in comparison. - I mean, the entire universe explodes." Angel still with his back turned: "Sounds exciting." Judy shrugs: "Well, it's air-conditioned - and it's cheaper than going to the pictures. (Takes a deep breath) I had to get out of the hotel, after what happened." Angel: "He come back?" Judy: "Come back?" Angel: "Your boyfriend." Judy: "Oh - no. I-I mean the guy in 215. - You know he killed himself." Angel: "Yeah, I guess he did." Judy: "Can you imagine that wallpaper being the *last* thing you see before you go?" Angel: "Maybe it was the wallpaper that drove him to it." Judy: "Yeah. I sort of hate it there. - Well, - I-I guess it's nicer than - some places." Angel: "It's a place." Judy steps closer to him: "Listen, - uh - I know you didn't want to before, but - you helped me. You did. And - I-I needed to thank you for that." Angel looks down that turns to look back at her over his shoulder for the first time. Angel: "You're gonna miss the end of the world." Judy as Angel turns back away from her: "Right." After a beat she turns and walks towards the observatory. Stops and turns back. Judy: "I'll see you around." Then she leaves for good. Angel looks after her: "Yeah." Cut to a series of black and white photos of the bellhop being led away in handcuffs. The last photo identical to the one accompanying a newspaper clipping held by Wesley with the heading of "Bellhop arrested for murder." Wesley: "Frank Gillnitz. He worked as a Bellman the year that Angel was in residence, we put him in '52." Cordy and Wesley are sitting on the floor in front of a bunch of folders laid out by year. Cordy: "But he wasn't executed until '54. Shouldn't we put him there?" Wesley: "He wasn't executed until '54, *but* the crime that he committed, the murder of the salesman and the storing of the body in the hotel meat locker *that* occurred in '52." Cordy: "It's kind of like a puzzle. The 'who died horribly because Angel screwed up 50 years ago' game?" Cut back to the residents discussing the salesman in the hotel lobby. Guy from the sofa: "So, we're sitting there having a drink, and the guy says to me 'do they serve peanuts at this bar.'" Actor: "So?" Actress: "So, the guy is supposedly suicidal and he's thinking about peanuts?" Actor: "Maybe he's craving something salty." Actress to writer sitting beside her: "He doesn't get it." Writer: "This wasn't a suicide." Actor: "I thought they found him with the gun still in his hand and the door locked." Writer: "Exactly!" Actress: "It's *too* perfect." Writer: "Locked door mystery. I've written it a hundred times." Camera pans over to show Angel walking up the stairs behind them. Cut to Angel walking to his room. He's about to go in when a door a little ways down opens and Judy leans out. Judy: "Hey. Can you come in here for a second?" Angel steps into her room and she closes the door behind him. Judy: "Did you hear?" Angel: "Hear what?" Judy getting herself a cigarette: "The guy in 215 - it wasn't a suicide. He was murdered." Angel: "I don't think so." Judy: "No, it's true. Which means there is going to be *police* - and-and questions, and-and I though that you'd want to know, in case, maybe (laughs) I'm not implying that *you've* got something to hide but..." Angel: "Everyone here's got something to hide." Judy: "Yeah. I just figured that I owed you a heads up, on account of what you did for me before. So..." Angel: "Thanks." Judy tries to light her cigarette but the match won't light, she gives up when it breaks. Judy with her back to Angel: "I guess if we left now it would look, I don't know, bad, huh?" Angel: "That all depends. This have anything to do with that *PI* I tossed out of here?" Judy turns to look up at Angel: "You knew he wasn't my boyfriend." Angel flicks his lighter for her and she lights her cigarette on it. Angel: "I had a hunch." Judy: "I'm pretty sure he works for my former employers, the City Trust Bank of Salina, Kansas. I was a teller there. (She goes over to the bed and pulls out a satchel from under it) I think maybe they want this back." She opens it and Angel takes a look inside. It's full of rolled bank notes, 1000 marked on each of the wrappers we can see. Judy: "I haven't spent any of it. Not a dime. I-I can't even bring myself to touch it." Angel: "Why take it?" Judy: "I don't know. I was angry - and I-I guess I panicked. I mean, things were going so well! I-I loved this job, and I loved this guy. - We were going to get married, and they found out about me at the bank, and so they fired me. And then Peter found out why and he broke it off and I just couldn't go back to where I came from. I just couldn't. So I took this and I-I just ran. (When Angel doesn't say anything) Aren't gonna ask me why they fired me?" Angel: "Why'd they fire you?" Judy: "Because I'm not what I say I am. I've been passing since I was 15 years old." Angel: "Passing?" Judy nods: "For white. My mother was colored, my father - I didn't even know him! My blood isn't pure. - It's tainted." Angel steps closer with a slight smile: "It's just blood - Judy. - It-it's all just blood." Judy: "Nobody believes that! Not even my *mother's family*. I'm not one thing or the other. I'm nothing." Angel: "I know what that's like." Judy gets quite then puts a hand on her stomach: "Yes. Yes, I am. - I *am* something. (She sinks down in a chair and looks up at Angel) I'm a thief! (Gasps) I've never stolen anything before in my life. It's just - god, the things that they called me." Angel: "Fear makes people do stupid things." Judy: "It was stupid. And I wish I'd never done it." Angel: "I didn't mean you. I meant your former employers. They were afraid. That's why they fired you." Judy: "What am I going to do? I'm trapped!" Angel shakes his head: "You're not trapped." He walks over to the bag of money. Judy getting up: "I am! Look, if I leave now it'll look too suspicious, but if I stay here and the cops find this..." Angel: "They're not gonna find it. (Judy stares at him) 'Cause I'm gonna help you." Angel puts a hand on her back and leads her out of the room, the bag of money in his other hand. Cordy holding another newspaper clipping: "So where do we put her?" Wesley: "When did she die?" Cordy: "Uhm, it doesn't say. Just that she was being tracked by federal authorities for bank robbery, she checked into the Hyperion in '52 and was never heard form again." Wesley: "'52?" Cordy: "'52." Wesley puts the news clipping down on the 1952 folder. Its headline reads 'Search Called Off - Fugitive Woman Believed Dead" next to a picture of Judy. Break Back in the past Angel is leading Judy down into the basement. Judy: "I guess I'll be okay down here. It's only for a few days. Just until the cops are gone." Angel: "Judy, there are no cops." Judy: "Well, not yet. Oh god, - I can't go to prison. It's just - I can't. Just the thought of being confined, trapped. It would be like death. No. No. It would be something worse than death. It'd be (while Judy paces and babbles, Angel hides the bag on top of some big round pipes running along the ceiling) it'd be - like - like being buried alive!" Angel hears the demonic whispering. Angel: "I want you to go back to your room and stay there. (Judy looks at him as he takes a few steps deeper into the basement) There is something in this hotel - something that's making people crazy." Judy: "Hey, do you think that if -if somehow - the money ended up on the banks doorstep, and they saw that I didn't spend any of it, you think they'd call off that detective? Maybe I could be free of this whole thing." Angel still looking around and hearing the whispering: "Maybe." Judy: "I mean, there is such a thing as forgiveness, right?" Angel looks at her. Blend to Angel in the present, down in the basement. He pulls over a chair, steps on it and pulls an extremely dusty moneybag down from the where he hid it in '52. All the money is still in it, untouched. Suddenly we hear the same whispering start that we heard in the past. Wesley: "I can sense it. There is a pattern here. - Some force was residing at the Hyperion over the last decades, affecting staff and residents. - I just fear there is no real way to..." Cordy stepping up next to him: "A Thesulac (Wesley stares at her) paranoia demon. Whispers to its victims, feeds on their innate insecurities. (Wesley is speechless. Cordy pulls out the cordless from behind her back and holds it out to him) Angel wants to talk to you." Wesley makes a face and takes the phone. Cordy turns away with a big grin on her face. Wesley: "Hello?" [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to Angel in the hotel lobby, phone scrunched between ear and shoulder working on the open fuse box. Angel: "A Thesulac demon claimed this place even before they started building it. (Some electrical sparks fly) I thought if I had you trace the events we could track it and find out where it went, but it's still here. (more sparks fly - then the lights come on) Alright, I want you and Cordy down here asap. And page Gunn, we're gonna need all the muscle we can get when we raise this thing." Wesley: "Raise it?" Angel: "We have to force it to become corporeal in order to kill it." Wesley: "Right. Thesulac. You'll want me to research the raising ritual." Angel: "Already done it." Cut back to the past, downtown Hollywood, night. A bookstore owner is sitting listening to a radio program with a laugh-track. Denver: "They keep calling her a zany redhead. Could be a brunette for all *I* can tell. I guess I'll just have to take their word for it." He looks up and there is Angel standing on the other side of the counter. Angel: "You Denver?" Denver: "No other cat but me. What can I do you for?" Angel: "I need information on demons." Denver gets up and walks around the counter: "Do you now, daddy?" Angel: "Everything you got on possessing entities, demonic suggestions, exorcisms, cleansing rituals." Denver: "Try this one." Denver picks up a book and tosses it to Angel. As Angel catches it, smoke begins to rise from his hands. It's a Holy Bible. Angel drops it and stares at Denver wearing his vamp-face. Denver quickly pulls out a cross and a wooden stake out of one of the bookshelves and hurries through the apparently empty store to the open front door. Denver: "That's right. Run coward of the night! And tell your buddies I'm thinking very seriously about putting down my bedroll right here, so you bastards can't just walk in here uninvited! You got any idea who you're dealing with?" As some passers by stare at him, Angel comes up behind him and grabs him in a neck lock. Angel: "I know you got a reputation, that's why I'm here. Now, it's been a long time since I've opened a vein, but I'll do it you pull any more of this van Helsing jr. crap with me. Are we clear? I want the books in the back." With that he lets the guy go. Cut to the hotel manager reading the Los Angeles Times. The bellhop comes in. Manager: "What took you so long?" Bellhop: "He wouldn't fit." Manager drops his newspaper and gets up: "What?! What did you do with him?" Bellhop: "Well, he's in there. I just had to sorta, what you call, make him fit. No chance I'd get in trouble for that, is there?" Manager: "Don't be paranoid." Camera starts to focus on the guest still arguing in the lobby. Writer: "You had more reason to murder him than anyone else here." Actor: "What? I didn't even know the man!" Writer: "That's what you say, but maybe he saw you with one of your little trysts! Maybe he threatened to tell the studio. Expose perhaps your little peccadilloes to the press?" Actor: "Don't you dare use alliteration with me, you hack! You're just mad because the studio won't take your phone call, comrade!" Writer: "Pansy!" Actor: "Red!" Manager coming up to them: "What seems to be the trouble?" Actress: "There is a murderer in this hotel." Old guy: "And we're gonna find out who." Cut to Judy sitting in her room with a book. She starts to hear whispering and closes the book. Demonic voice: "They know about you. They'll turn you in. (Judy gets up) You'll go to prison. How long do you think someone like you would last in prison?" Judy closes the window and we hear no more words but the whisper is still there. Cut to Denver and Angel in his back room, filled with books. Denver: "So you were what, about my age when you where made?" Angel: "I don't know. How old are you?" Denver: "Just north of thirty." Angel: "No! - This Thesulac demon, how do I kill it?" Denver: "You don't. You run away from it." Angel: "There's got to be a way to kill it." Denver: "Well, - first you got to make it fat - corporeal. But that only happens after it's had a nice big feed - or if you raise it, but *that's* tricky and dangerous." Angel: "How?" Denver: "The incantation's there in the book, but you're gonna need an orb of Ramjarin. Now I have one I can let you have for cheap." Angel: "For free." Denver goes to get it: "For free. (Sets the orb next to Angel) Uh, you'll also need (adds them to the orb) sacred herbs - divining powder (adds that) and - something really big to hit it with." Angel: "And that'll kill it?" Denver looking around his shelves: "Well, it might. Wouldn't hurt to have a lightning strike, you know, finger of heaven kind of thing. But short of that (pulls out a fighting ax) I'd go with something big and heavy." Angle takes the ax: "Pack it up." Denver as he bags the supplies: "A vampire wanting to slay a demon in order to help some grubby humans? I just don't get it." Angel grabbing the bag: "To be honest, I'm not sure I do either." Manager: "Right! You once asked me where you could purchase a gun." Actress: "That was for protection." Actor: "Protection perhaps from a salesman who was ready to turn you in for solicitation?" Bellhop to the manager: "He shot himself, remember?" Manager: "Did he? Where you there?" Bellhop: "It was Consuela! She's the one that found him!" Old man: "Yeah, she could have found him and then shot him." They all argue as once. Voice yelling: "Hey!" They all fall quiet and turn to the door where the guy Angel threw out (his nose taped up) his holding up a badge. PI: "The name's C. Mulvihill, P.I." Writer: "He looks suspicious." PI holds up a picture of Judy: "I'm looking for this woman." Angel enters the hotel carrying the ax and a paper bag. He notices that the lobby is deserted. A door closes and he looks around at the door - where (back in the present) Wesley, Cordy and Gunn just walked into the lobby. Angel: "Lets do this." Cordy sprinkles some powder on a landing of the steps leading up. Wesley: "We call thee forth, Thesulac of the netherworld, we command you, leave our minds and join us on this, the physical plane." Wesley holds out a hand to where Gunn is fiddling with a backpack and snaps his fingers. Wesley: "Orb of Ramjerin." Gunn: "Orb of Ramjerin please, makes it happen." Wesley drops his hands: "Please! And do be careful. Ancient conjuring orbs are notoriously fragile." Gunn tosses the orb to Wesley and Wesley has to drop the book and crouch down to catch it. Wesley: "Angel!" Angel: "Guys, don't listen to it, alright? What ever it's whispering to you, just ignore it." Cordy: "They were like this - all the way over here in the car." Angel: "Oh." Wesley holding up the now glowing orb: "We invoke the by the power of the orb of priests of Ramjerin. What was once in our thoughts, be now in our midst." The air above the stair landing begins to shiver and bulge. Cut to Angel stepping out of the elevator back in '52. The far hallway is full of angry people clustered around Judy. Old man: "What gives you the right to hide out up here?" Judy trying to wiggle free of their grip: "Please stop it, you're hurting me." Actress: "We're gonna do more than that if you don't start telling us everything." Actor: "We know about you, missy." Manager: "The name you registered under is a fake! We have proof!" Angel slowly walks towards them passing two guys leaning against the walls of the hallway. Actress: "Who knows what else she's lied about, the little slut!" Judy: "I didn't mean anything, please, I'm sorry!" Old man: "Now you're sorry! I thought you didn't have anything to be sorry for!" Angel drops the ax and the bag and starts walking faster as the commotion escalates. Actress: "Stop lying!" Manager: "Come on!" Judy: "It wasn't me! It wasn't me! (She sees Angel and breaks free of their grip, tears streaming down her face she takes a couple of running steps towards him.) It was him! (Angel stops dead) Look in his room! Go ahead, look! He's got blood! He's a monster!" Everyone falls silent, staring at Angel. The bellhop, holding Angel's paper bag, and the PI holding the dropped ax come up behind him. PI: "What kind of maniac are you?" As Angel turns around to look at him, the PI hits Angel in the chin with the handle of the ax, then smashes it into his back, knocking him down. Everyone jumps on the downed Angel, hitting and screaming, while Judy stands staring, her face wet with tears. Angel makes no attempt to fight back, just looks at Judy, whose form slowly blurs before his eyes as the mob continues to beat on him. Break. The mob, still in a frenzy, is dragging Angel out onto the open hallway above the back of the lobby, pushing him up against the railing. The bellhop hurries halfway down the steps to get a better view. Manager: "Get him over there!" Bellhop: "Ha-ha, we got you now! (Slaps the banister) Come on! String him up! String him up!" Somebody throws a rope over a rafter and slips the noose at one end of it around Angel's neck while the other is being tied to the railing, with the whole crowd screaming encouragement. Angel looks over at Judy, who is still sobbing as the others yell and scream for his death. They set him on top of the railing. Bellhop from the stairs: "Good. Push him. Come on! Push him out! Push him out!" The PI and the old man push Angel of the banister and he drops until he hits the end of the rope. Judy lets out a scream while the mob cheers and the bellhop laughs. Suddenly they all fall silent, staring. You can hear Judy sob. Bellhop: "Yeah! Swing, you freak! Yea, that's right, you had that coming, ha ha ha!" The crowd silently and quickly melts away as the rope with Angel, eyes closed, at the end of it slowly stops swinging. Manager leaning on the railing: "Oh, my lord. What have we done?" Bellhop still chewing his ever-present gum: "What?" Judy turns and walks away, still sobbing. Bellhop hurries up the stairs: "What's wrong?! - I don't get it. Come on! (Comes to stand next to the manager, who's still staring down at Angel hanging there) Where is everybody going? Come on! (Looks down at Angel as the manager walks off) It's just a - what do you call... (looks around sees that he's now alone and runs off)." As soon as he is gone Angel's eyes snap open. He takes a hold of the rope above his head and pulls himself up, pulls the noose from around his neck and drops down to the lobby floor, catching himself on his hands. As he straightens up the air on the stairs begins to shiver and bulge and the Thesulac becomes corporeal. Ugly gray faced demon in a long hooded cape with tentacles sticking out form under it like a fringe. Thesulac: "Well, I don't know about you (laughs) but I'm stuffed! God I love people! - Don't' you? (Laughs) they feed me their worst and I kind of serve it right back to them, and the fear and prejudice turns to certainty and hate, and I take another bite and mmm-mmm-mmm! (Laughs) What a beautiful, beautiful dance! (Moves down from the landing towards Angel) Oh, you got your feelings hurt, didn't you? See now what happens when you stick your neck out for them? They throw a rope around it! (Angel starts to walk towards the door) And you thought you'd made a friend. News flash! You *had*! (Angel stops but doesn't turn around) That's what made her the *yummiest* morsel of all. (Laughs) You reached her, buddy! Restored her faith in people. Without you she would have been just another appetizer. But you plumped her up good! Now, she's a meal that's gonna last me a lifetime! (Laughs then drifts closer towards Angel's back) Hey, you know what? There is an entire hotel here just full of tortured souls that could really use your help. - What do you say?" We hear some indistinct whispering, then nothing but the sound of the demons tentacles whipping back and forth as it waits for Angel's answer. Angel without turning around: "Take them all." The demon begins to laugh and repeats Angel's 'take them all,' while Angel walks out the front of the hotel. Flash cut to the demon in the present, manifesting before Wesley and the others with a scream. Angel: "Watch his tentacles." Cordy: "Excuse me?" Wesley: "Tentacles!" Cordy: "Oh." Thesulac to Angel: "I don't remember ordering take-out, but I like what you brung me. Not as delectable as the last one perhaps but full of tasty paranoia just the same. (laughs then indicate Wesley) especially *that* one!" Wesley looks over at Angel and Cordy: "What did he mean by that?' Angel: "You had your last meal here a long time ago. You should have gotten out when you had the chance." Thesulac drifts closer to Angel: "Got out? Now, why would I wanna do that? When the room service in this hotel is *still* excellent. Has been for 50 years. Paranoia here - is like fine wine." Angel quietly: "It gets better with age. (demon grins in his face) You're still feeding. Gunn!" Gunn aims his crossbow and pins one of Thesulac's tentacles to the banister of the stairs. The Thesulac wraps one of his other tentacles around Gunn's hand holding the crossbow and tosses him against the wall. Gun drops to the floor and looks back up at the demon. Cordy and Wesley run in different directions and while the demon is distracted Angel jumps into a forward roll, grabbing a hold of one of the demon's other tentacles. Angel as he rolls back to his feet with it in his grip: "The kitchen is closed." He shoves the end of the tentacle against the exposed wires in the fuse box. There is an explosion of sparks and blue electricity runs up the tentacle and wraps around the demon. All four of the stand and stare as the Thesulac hangs in the air, screaming after a while there is an explosion of white light and the Thesulac is gone. Wesley: "What did he mean, especially *that* one?" Angel heads up the stairs as the others watch from below. He enters Judy's old room and finds her (now and old woman) sitting in a chair. Angel: "Judy." Judy: "I don't hear them anymore. - Are they gone?" Angel comes to stand in front of her: "Yeah." He gets down on one knee in front of her and slowly reaches for her hand. Judy smiling at him: "It's you." Angel smiles back her ever so slightly: "Yeah, Judy. It's me." Judy reaches up to touch his face: "You look the same." Angel: "I'm not." Judy: "They killed you - because of *me*. (Angel shakes his head at her) I killed you." Angel shaking his head: "No. No. No." Judy: "He kept them from the door. He told me I'd be safe. - Am I safe?" Angel: "You're safe." Judy: "Can I go out now?" Angel: "Yeah. You can go out." Judy gives him a big smile and starts to get up from her chair. Angel helps her up. Angel: "Let me help you." Judy as Angel helps her over to her bed: "I just - I need to take a little rest first. Just a little rest." Angel: "Easy." He lowers her onto the bed. Judy holding on to his hands: "I'm so sorry I killed you. Can you forgive me?" Angel looks down at her: "Of course." Judy: "I'm just going to rest. Just for a minute - and then - I'm going to go out." Judy closes her eyes and dies. Wesley, Cordy and Gunn are sitting around at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Angel. Wesley: "I've been accused of a great many things in my time, but *paranoid* has never been one of them." Gunn shakes his head and looks over at Cordelia. Wesley: "Unless people been saying it behind my back." Angel comes down the stairs. Gunn: "You all right, man?" Angel: "Yeah." Cordy: "We finished?" Angel: "I think so." Cordy: "Good. Because I for one will be *glad* to see the last of this place. Gives me the heebie-jeebies." Gunn: "No lie. Plus it kind of got an odor to it. You notice that?" Cordy: "70 years of violence, mayhem and paranoia - bad vibes." Angel: "We're moving in." Cordy: "I mean, a few throw pillows what's not to love?" Wesley: "Angel, surely you more than anyone must appreciate, how for the better part of the last century this place has been host not only to a malevolent demonic presence, but the very worst faces of humanity! - This is a house of evil." Angel still looking around the hotel: "Not anymore." Wesley takes a look around himself then leans in closer to Angel. Wesley: "Angel - you don't - find me - especially paranoid, do you?" Angel: "Not especially." Wesley: "Oh, thank god! - I was worried."

After running across it, Angel is vaguely familiar with an abandoned building, the Hyperion hotel. At his request, Wesley and Cordelia discover that Angel used to be a tenant in the hotel in the 1950s. At that time, Angel was pulled into a sticky situation with a woman hiding her past which lead to an unfortunate end. In the present day, Angel and the team attempt to rid the hotel of its demons.

fd_CSI__Cyber_02x12

fd_CSI__Cyber_02x12_0

(whistling) (classical music playing) [SCENE_BREAK] Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? Man: I just witnessed a hit and run. Female operator: 911. What is your emergency? Woman: My apartment building's on fire. There are people still inside! Female operator: 911. What's your emergency? Child: How many people... Woman: I hear screams! Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? I need to get to a hospital. I'm five months pregnant. I'm feeling sharp, stabbing pains. (gasping) It's too soon for contractions. I'm at 249 West McCoy Street. Hello? Hello? Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? I need help. I need an ambulance. I think my wife is having a heart attack. She's collapsed. What-what do I do? Hello? Are you-- are you there? Hello! Help! Honey, sweetheart, stay with me. Hold on, sweetheart, hold on. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Someone help, please! I need help! Help! Help! Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? We need an ambulance. A man's fallen from a scaffolding, but we can't tell if he's alive. There's blood everywhere and he isn't moving. Hello? Can you hear me? Are you there? Are you there? Hello, hello? Sweeney, hold on. Can you hear me? Hello? It's coming down! Watch out! Look out! (shouting) Go, go! Something's wrong with my phone! Someone call 911! Male operator 2: This is 911. What is your emergency? Female operator: 911. What's your emergency? What is your emergency? We've been flooded with reports of people having issues calling 911 from cell phones. They say they connect to an operator, but then the call drops off and their phone freezes in call mode. What makes you think that this is a cyber intrusion and not a malfunction of the New York City 911 system? Well, we've checked and double-checked. There's no evidence of a mechanical malfunction. Our IT guys believe it's a hack within our system that affects incoming cell phone calls. Anyone who places a call from a land line doesn't experience the problem. Have you ruled out issues with cell service providers? They've all confirmed that cell towers in the city are properly functioning and all other wireless phone traffic is normal. So it only happens when someone calls 911? When someone calls 911 from a cell phone. Not getting help when you want it? That's terrifying. Ryan: The mayor and Homeland Security are concerned that this could be a well-crafted precursor to a terrorist attack. Raven says the first reports of dropped 911 calls came in around 7:00 a.m. this morning. Complaints were made to local precincts and cell service providers. My operators noticed a decrease in call volume about the same time. But none have reported being abruptly disconnected or dropped from a call. Operator: Excuse me, Clayton? Sorry. Will you excuse me a moment? Raven: According to my stats, there's definitely something going on. Well, I've compared the number of 911 calls from yesterday at this hour to those received this morning. Huge decrease in cell phone calls. On a typical day, the call center would get 24,000 calls, 70% from cell phones. And this morning, cellular calls went down to 30%. Russell: So there are some cell phones out there that are connecting to 911 and completing the call. Right? Yeah, but the strange thing is, is that most of the calls are made from devices outside of Manhattan, in the Boroughs. Krumitz: We plugged into the 911 system. No evidence of malfunctions or indicators of compromise. Yeah, no known vulnerability, no malware, not a trace of digital dust that indicates a hack. I mean, these boxes are squeaky clean. So there's nothing here that can tell us what's going on. Okay, so that means the problem has to be internal to the cell phones. They're all different models and brands, in different locations all over the city. Not to mention that they all have different service providers. Other than them being cell phones, I mean, they have no connection to each other. Russell: Yeah, except they all dropped 911 calls, right? We need to get ahold of one of those phones. I might be able to help with you that. I have the latest incident reports. There was an accident at a construction site not far from here. The foreman called for paramedics. Same thing happened. Dropped call. There's a possibility we can get that phone. [SCENE_BREAK] Foreman: Yeah, that's my cell number and I'm the site foreman. I called 911 when the scaffolding collapsed. Sweeney dropped from the third floor. And there were two others who also dialed 911? Yeah, Henderson and Joe Lavelle. Just like me, they reached the operator, and then the phones froze and nobody was on the other end. Is there a way to get in touch with them? I'd like to take a look at their devices. Yeah, I can, uh, I can get you their home number. This is crazy. That kid was only 20 years old. Bled to death because I couldn't get the paramedics here in time. And now, two more of my guys are in the hospital in critical condition. I hope you can figure this out. You know, on jobs like this, something happens every day on these sites. I need to know that my guys can get help when they need it. Excuse me. (indistinct chatter) Nelson: Eric O'Brian's phone is infected with malware. I mean, it's gonna take time to reverse-engineer the code and figure out exactly what it does to a cell. Nah, forget the code. I cloned his device to a known-good test phone. Let's just call 911 and see what happens. All right. Male operator: 911. What is your emergency? My name is Daniel Krumitz. I'm an agent with the FBI. Operator, if you wouldn't mind standing up and waving for me? 911. What is your emergency? How 'bout counting to ten? Hello? You there? Nope. Okay. Already gone. That lasted about three seconds. Hey, look, maybe he thought you were a prank caller and hung up. You know, you don't exactly sound like an FBI agent. An operator isn't gonna hang up that quickly. They're required to make sure there's no real emergency, regardless of what the caller says. So maybe you didn't reach an operator at all. Remember, operators haven't been reporting dropped calls, only people dialing in on cell phones have. Hmm. This test phone's still active. It's frozen; I'm locked out. That's the hacker's plan. When you attempt to dial 911, you won't get a chance to do it again. Or use a cell at all. It'll force you to find a land line or a pay phone. A pay phone? And who uses a land line anymore? Yeah. I don't even have one in my apartment. I don't have one, either. Oh, look. Krummy, check this, right? I got a timestamp indicating the moment the malware infected Eric O'Brian's phone, right? And just seconds before that, his cell phone connected to a Wi-Fi network. So that router could be the source of the infection. Mm-hmm. You got a location? Yeah. Two seconds. And... tah-dah. All right, I got it. I'm driving. Let's go. What exactly does an FBI agent sound like? Smooth, Krummy. Sturdy. Gotta sound like you just finished the Ironman. I'm out of breath? No, man. You gotta be tough. You know, like a... like a bad-ass. (tough voice): Daniel Krumitz, FBI. (deeper voice): Dan... Daniel Krumitz, FBI. (indistinct chatter) The router that Eric's phone connected to isn't here. Mundo: You're sure you got the right location? Nelson: I'm positive. Well, maybe our hacker removed the device. Wanted it to remain undetected. Wait, wait, guys, it just showed up. And... now it's gone. That means it's moving. Wait, guys, it's back up again. Signal's getting stronger. Real strong. Woman: Is it coming? Woman 2: Oh, thank you. That's it, right there. That's why the signal's moving. Free Wi-Fi. Stop that bus! I'll call Avery and D.B.! Let's see what's on the bus's router. Okay, same malware on Eric O'Brian's phone. But... that's not the interesting part. Nelson. No. Uh-uh. It... it can't be. I know, right? But it is, though, look. Guys, guys. Hey, hey. Can we use words that actually mean something? (laughs) Krumitz: It's like this, okay? I have the flu. I sneeze. If you're close enough to me, you get the flu. That's what this is. It's an airborne computer virus. It... it lives. What do you mean, "it lives," Krumitz? Nelson: It was programmed to spread like a real virus. It jumps from unsecured router to unsecured router within 150 feet. So it infects any wireless access point that's not password protected? And even the ones that use a default password from the manufacturer. So this bus has been, like, "sneezing" all over town. Every unsecured router in its path has been infected? Krumitz: And whenever a Wi-Fi enabled phone connects to one of these infected routers, it gets the virus. Malware automatically jumps onto it. Ryan: It's contagious. I've never seen anything in the wild like this before. Can the virus jump from phone to phone? No. Phones can only get the virus if they're connected to one of the infected routers. Well, at least these buses stay on the same route, right? It'll help us contain the infection. Ryan: But ultimately, all the buses go back to home base. And then this infection jumps from bus router to bus router. And then bright and early this morning, all those buses went right back into the streets of Manhattan. Increasing the number of people who won't get any help when they call 911. This is an outbreak. We're looking at an epidemic. We need to find patient zero. CSI Cyber 2x12 Original Air Date on January 31, 2016 I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise I know that you have, 'cause there's magic in my eyes I can see for miles and miles I can see for miles and miles I can see for miles and miles And miles... Oh, yeah. (indistinct chattering) The infected area has grown by 25% in the past two hours. I've notified Port Authority and service providers. All public routers are being disconnected from buses and ferries. Have FBI communications get in touch with all of the New Jersey, Connecticut, Philadelphia news media outlets. Make sure they're getting the word out that commuters should turn off their Wi-Fi and not try to connect to any free or open Wi-Fi sources. And remind them: use their landlines when calling 911. This virus will definitely cross state lines unless we're overly cautious. Yep, a virus warning is already spreading through social media, and there's been a big surge in purchases of old-school telephones. You're finally in style, D.B. (chuckles) Thanks very much. Oh, hey, hold on a second. Little, uh, social protocol. Let's say you get a text clearly meant for somebody else, sent by someone you don't know. Now, are you supposed to, uh, text 'em right back and say they got the wrong person? Kind of sounds like a personal text then. Well, yeah, kind of. Wh-Why would you just assume that? 'Cause if it was something like "I'm gonna be late" or "Call me," then it's easy to text back. You wouldn't give it a second thought. But if suddenly you get dropped into the middle of someone else's drama... What did the text say? Well, uh, none of your business. (gasps) You answered my question. I'll see you later. Come on, D.B. It's got to be pretty juicy, huh? We'll talk about it when I get back to DC. D.B., you can't just... (scoffs) Mayor Cavanaugh, there's no evidence to suggest that the 911 hack is a terrorist threat. Well, that's a relief. Do you know who's behind it? We have a profile of who we're looking for. They're not part of a politically motivated group or collective. They would have already claimed responsibility by now. Our target is an individual who's celebrating his power to cripple the city. He enjoys making people feel desperate, helpless. There's a chance that he's tried something like this in the past on a smaller scale. But this virus is an escalation. He? It's most likely a man. Women go about things like this in a less conspicuous way. I was told you have a plan. The malware is mimicking a biicalirus, so we're using CDC protocol. We've identified how it's transmitted, we've begun the containment, we're informing the public. My team is writing code, an antidote, that will cure all the infected phones and stop any new phones from acquiring it. You are, Deputy Director Ryan, as impressive as I was told. Which makes my next request a little uncomfortable. (sighs) Brody Nelson. He's one of my cyber investigators. He's also the young man that hacked into the New York Stock Exchange, created havoc in the financial district. And I understand that that tarnished your first term in the mayor's office. This is not about me. I am well aware of Brody Nelson's crimes. He is serving his time. I would prefer he were in prison and not writing code for anything having to do with my city. Well, that is not your call, sir. Did you know that eight-million-dollar transfer as a result of his financial hack was never accounted for? That young man knows where it is. The mayor's just bent out of shape because their election's coming up. (sighs) I did a terrible thing, D.B. Can't expect people to forget. You know what? I'm just gonna image these devices and go back to DC with you. It'll be easier for me to analyze the malware from Tear Down and work on the antidote. Okay. All right? Let me make this clear. I don't want Brody Nelson working this case. If Brody Nelson doesn't work on this case, then neither do I. So you let me know. Reporter: The FBI has informed us of a malware virus affecting the 911 emergency system. ...Wi-Fi has been discontinued. We ask that you use a landline for all... Operator: 911, what's your emergency? This is an emergency. Excuse me, I need to make... What you got? I've infected these test phones with the virus. It lies dormant until you dial 911, and this is what you hear. Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Hello. Hello. No one there. That's because there was never anyone there. It's a recorded voice. There's an audio file hard-coded into the virus. Now, these phone calls never make it to an actual 911 operator. Just a recorded voice. The hacker hijacked 911 and made the caller believe they were getting through. Mm-hmm, and not only that. Check this out. (hums) Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Say something. Keep talking. Hello, this is D.B. Russell. Testing, one, two, three. The phone is not frozen, it's recording everything I'm saying. Right. All right, so our target is a man who... who gets off on hearing the fear and the panic of helpless people. He's recording the callers and sending the audio... somewhere. And we don't know where? Nope. The files are bouncing through proxy IPs. It's a dead end. (classical music plays) Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Woman: Please help, someone just broke into my house. He's strangling my husband. I'm hiding in the closet. Oh... oh, God. He's... Male voice: Try to stay calm, ma'am. I'm showing your address is 754 Plymouth Way. Is that correct? Woman: Yes, please hurry. I-I can hear him in the kitchen. (crying): I think my husband's dead. Male voice: Help is on the way. Woman: Please hurry. Where are you? Am I right or am I right? The voice of the 911 operator embedded in the malware sounds like a long-lost relative of T-Pain. Who Pain? Ramirez: T-Pain. He's the king of auto-tune. Yeah. And that is again? It's, like, when a recording artist alters the pitch of their voice when they sing off-key. Or when they suck. Well, if that's true and the voice was distorted, then we should be able to un-distort it. I just made that word up. All right, let's get to work here. Play it again, Nelson. All right. Male voice (slowly): 911. What is your emer... Okay, Raven, isolate one of the ringing phones in the background there. And pull up the ringtone used by the 911 call center. That'll be our baseline. Right, once we match the ringtones, we'll have the real voice of our 911 operator. Exactly. Okay, I am adjusting the pitch and speed of the recording until the waveforms line up. Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Okay, here we have our real 911 operator's voice. Male voice: 911. What is your emergency? Why would our target want to distort this voice? To disguise it. This could be him. Right? Our target. I mean, why else would he do it? You think he works at a call center. I don't know, it's just a theory. Let's run this voice against all of the male dispatchers in the New York City call center database. All right? Maybe we'll get lucky here, get an I.D. Nelson: Got him. Ryan: Leo Finch. Look at his profile. He was fired from the call center exactly a year ago today. Well, that's motive for revenge. Let's see, he was fired for... "failure to properly dispatch emergency units" "poor decision making" "refusal to follow protocol" Also looks like there were several instances of slow dispatch times and sending paramedics to the wrong address. Delayed dispatch times suggests he wanted to keep the panicked callers on the line as long as possible. He enjoyed hearing their desperation. Their pleading made him feel powerful and in control. Leo is an auditory voyeur. Well, that's twisted. Call Elijah. Tell him there's a door he has to kick down. Clear! Clear! Clear! All clear! Clear! Mundo: Victims are Mary and Roger Ingram. (sighs) Ligature marks around the neck and petechial hemorrhaging in the eyes suggest strangulation. We have a time of death? Mundo: According to the on-site coroner report, body temp puts TOD somewhere between 5:00 and 7:00 a.m. this morning. Any signs of forced entry? No. And nothing to suggest that Leo Finch lives here. Police are canvassing the area right now, seeing if anybody recognizes Leo's photo. [SCENE_BREAK] Man: Agent Mundo. Krumitz: Looks like Mary tried to call for help. She's still clenching this phone. Cadaveric spasm. It occurs in violent, intense deaths. That's why her hand is clenched around the phone. Battery's dead. See if it has the virus. Malware is exactly the same as all the others. According to the call log, Mary tried to call 911 at 6:23 a.m. Please hurry, he's strangling my husband. I think he killed him. I can hear him coming. Hello, is anyone there? Hello? Hello? (screams) Mundo: Avery. There's a basement apartment. This is an odd setup. Cheap furniture, egg carton acoustics, but very expensive speakers. Found a laptop. This is a Benning. Leo has a $50,000 violin and lives in a cheap rental? It's funny-- some of the best coders are talented musicians. Both highly technical, deal with complex numbers. Clearly, Leo's obsession was sound. Krumitz: I'm imaging Leo's computer. He's over 200 audio files on his hard drive. They're all 911 calls, and he's the operator. Ryan: Leo is an addict. The 911 calls are his drug. It's like an arsonist getting a job as a firefighter or a pedophile who becomes a teacher. Leo got his fix at work. Until he was fired a year ago, and he was cut off from his drug and had to find a new way to feed his addiction. The virus. Whoa, Krumitz, get-- come here. Is this what I think it is? That could be the original source code for the virus. Okay, we've got something. This computer connected to 26 bus routers at Port Authority at 11:00 p.m. last night. That's 26 patient zeros. This is not an experiment gone wrong. This was a calculated attack. No, Leo wanted to infect every corner of the city, and he wanted to do it fast. Ramirez: 61 confirmed cases in New Jersey. 38 in Connecticut. And 23 in Upstate New York. Even with the news alerts and warnings, the virus has officially spread through the tristate area. Well, the good news is the infection rate should slow down in the less densely populated areas. Bad news? A complete quarantine looks impossible. And local precincts are overrun with emergency calls and hospitals are flooded with walk-ins. Some people are resorting to social media to announce their emergencies. Nelson, we need that antidote. How's it going? Krummy sent me the source code of the virus from Leo Finch's laptop. Now that I can see exactly how the virus is written, it shouldn't take long to write a code to counteract it. But the problem is how to push it to all the phones that need it. Yeah, a software update through the vendors will take days. Mm-hmm. Wait a minute. What about using something like the AMBER Alert, right? It sends push notifications to phones during child abductions. It's instant, it's regional. What do you think? I mean, AMBER Alerts are only designed to display alphanumeric text. You can't use them to push code. And there are regulations. I mean, FTC, DOJ, FEMA. Right. Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying it's impossible? I'm saying it's never been done before. Right. Well, there's a first time for everything. You-you two were black hats, weren't you? The best. Notorious. Okay, so you'll hack it, right? And I'll take full responsibility. Matter of fact, I will call Director Silver right now. Work on the FCC, DOJ part of this thing. All right, man said hack, let's hack. Look at this. A pair of pliers, some kind of metal pins and a bloody violin string. I think we may be looking at the murder weapon. (screaming) (both grunting) All right, well, whatever Leo's endgame is, if he left two bodies upstairs and a murder weapon in the wall, it's a pretty safe bet he's not coming back here anytime soon. Guys, look at this. It looks like these three 911 recordings were Leo's favorites. They were played over a thousand times. And he even put them on a separate playlist. Here, listen to this. Finch: 911, what's your emergency? Man: My buddy, he fell! It's bad; it's-it's real bad! We need an ambulance! Sir, what's your location? Man: Construction site at Lexington and 12th! I don't think he's conscious. Finch: I'm dispatching paramedics now. Calm down and describe what you see. Man: There's a lot of blood! He must've fallen 50 or 60 feet or something-- please hurry! There's blood all over his head! I'm pretty sure his legs are broken. Finch: All right, be careful not to move him. Help is on the way. Is this from today? Uh, no. According to the metadata, this recording's from two years ago. But what's strange is that it happened at the same time of day as the construction incident. Scaffolding pins. There's traces of paint and rust in the grooves of the pliers. What happened at that construction site this morning was no accident. Man: All right, what do we got? (creaking) Help! Help! Play the next one. Finch: 911, what's your emergency? Woman: Please help. Someone just broke into my house. He's strangling my husband. I'm hiding in a closet. Finch: Try to stay calm, ma'am. I'm showing your address as 754 Plymouth Way. Is that correct? Woman: Yes, please hurry! I can hear him in the kitchen. Oh! I think my husband's dead. Finch: Help is on the way. Woman: Why is this taking so long? Why is no one coming? This is very similar to the scene upstairs. This is exactly what happened to Mary and Roger Ingram. This is also another old recording and it happened at the same time as the murders this morning, 6:23 a.m. Listening is a deeply immersive experience. Finch: Sir, what's your location? Man: Construction site at Lexington... Ryan: Every time Leo listen to one of these recordings, he envisioned himself in the scene. We need an ambulance. Ryan: First, he's a witness. ...can't tell if he's alive. There's blood everywhere and he's not moving. Ryan: Then he's the victim. Please help. Someone just broke into my house. He's strangling my husband. (creaks) Ryan: Now, Leo's the killer. (woman gasps) No. No, no! He's recreating his greatest hits. (woman screams) Krumitz: Yeah, but what does the virus have to do with all this? And why today? Ryan: It's the anniversary of the day he was fired. Look, Leo is a sadist who's aroused by the sound of fear. The virus does everything that he needs. The dropped calls delay the emergency responders, which maximizes the victims' panic. Leo records the calls so he can enjoy them later. It's his version of a serial killer taking a trophy. Krumitz, didn't you say there were three recordings on that playlist? Finch: 911, what's your emergency? Boy: Help! He's stabbing him. He's stabbing my dad! Finch: What's your name? Where are you? Boy: Dylan. And I don't know where I am. We just... we left the game. It's an alley. Finch: Help is on the way. Boy: The man just left! I'm scared. Finch: It's okay, Dylan. I need you to go to your dad Tell me what you see. Boy: He's not moving! (whimpering) Leo mimicked the first two recordings on the playlist. And this recording is of a man being stabbed in an alley in front of his son. It happened at 8:53 at night. This is his next move. He's gonna kill again. We need to stop Leo Finch. Mundo: Yeah, but how? There are thousands of alleys in New York City. [SCENE_BREAK] Okay, everybody, listen up. We're basically looking for a-an alley in a haystack. Leo's two copycat killings took place the same time of day as the original crimes, which means at approximately 8:53 tonight, somebody is gonna get stabbed. So let's get going on this. All right? We've got just over an hour to find this Leo Finch before he finds his next victim. D.B., I figured out what the three 911 calls on Leo's playlist all have in common. They all lasted over 20 minutes... almost three times longer than your average 911 call. The victims all died because Leo didn't dispatch the paramedics in time. So he orchestrated their deaths. Nelson: Just spoke to the NYPD. They issued a BOLO for Leo. And I sent them the antidote. They'll push it to all cell phones in the area using AMBER Alerts. Right. So you guys figured out the, uh, alphanumeric problem, did you? We used a buffer overflow exploit, thank you very much. Nelson: That's right. It'll flood the phones with a specific sequence of text to force the NYPD home page to pop up. Now, that home page will have a download for the antidote. Basically, we're geniuses. Exactly. Basically. Basically. Do me a favor, though, will you? Call NYPD back, tell them to display a photo of Leo Finch with the antidote. Might as well make the city our eyes and ears. Uh... yeah, uh... I think you should do that. Why is that? Might get a little pushback. Apparently, they've been chatting with my pal the mayor. Yeah, Nelson, this has nothing to do with your Stock Exchange hack, all right? Call them back, tell them to post the photo and the antidote. Come on, buddy. This is your hero moment. You got this, Nelson. Right, right. My hero moment. All right. I just talked to the police chief. He told me that you're using an AMBER Alert to send out an antidote written by Brody Nelson. That's correct. We'll have to verify that code before it goes out to the public. I've hired a private security firm. No, that's not necessary and we don't have the time. We are chasing a killer, here. I'm well aware of that, and I'm shocked that you would even trust a black hat with something this critical. I've heard about your unconventional tactics, Deputy Director, but this is inappropriate and dangerous. Mayor Cavanaugh, how many more lives are you willing to jeopardize? No one cares more about the citizens of this city than I do. That's why I'm here. Brody Nelson's antidote will save lives. Now, I could go over your head with this, but I'm not sure that you could weather the political embarrassment. If this goes sideways, it's on you. [SCENE_BREAK] (indistinct chatter, phone chimes) Ramirez: The public's responding to the AMBER Alert. I've got multiple reports of Leo Finch at Madison and 140th. Pellham Park. That's Harlem. Yeah, but we've got several sightings on the east side. I mean, guy can't be in two places at once. Dopplegangers? No. No, we made a mistake. Uh... What do you mean? We sent the AMBER Alert to everyone. Everyone. Including Leo Finch. Yeah, okay, all right. Time to call Mom. Let's get Avery on the phone. Um, Avery. We're striking out here. It looks like Leo could be reporting false sightings. So what do you think? Let's review everything we know about Leo Finch. We know that he's meticulous about the details in his recreations. The boy in the third 911 call said that he and his dad were leaving a game. Mundo: The police report said Mets tickets were found in the dad's jacket pocket. It was a baseball game. Yeah, but it's not baseball season. Ryan: Well, let's concentrate on another sporting event. All right, here we go. I got hockey in Manhattan, basketball in Brooklyn. Mundo: Which one fits our window? Both. Let's compare them with the BOLO locations. Okay, we've got six sightings of Leo around the arena in Manhattan, only one in Brooklyn. Ryan: It's the hockey game. Which ends in 15 minutes. Krumitz: The original stabbing took place in an alley two blocks away from the stadium. All right, how many alleys are there within that range of the arena? One second. Ramirez: Three. All right, well, this is a guy that sticks to details, right? Let's pull up some old crime scene photos, see if we can narrow it down to one. Remember, Leo is a deviant audiophile. It isn't about what we see, it's about what we hear. Raven, pull up the original 911 recording of the alley stabbing. Isolate the background sound. Okay. Finch: 911. What's your emergency? Boy: Help, he's stabbing him! He's stabbing my dad! Finch: What's your name? Stop. Go back. (rumbling) That's an elevated train. Pull up a subway map. Look for any trains near the arena that go above ground. Ramirez: Got it, it's the alley between West 4th and Bleeker. Notify the arena. I'll have 'em redirect crowds away from that alley, have NYPD clear the streets. Let's go get Leo Finch. (thunder crashing) (siren chirps) Mundo: It's over, Leo! FBI! We have you surrounded! Got a visual on Leo, he is armed. Drop the knife, Leo! Nobody's coming out of that arena. We've sealed the exits, we've cleared the streets. There's no one here for you to harm. So drop the knife. Drop it now. They're mine! They're mine! You can't take them! Do not take one more step. Give them back to me! They're all I have! Mundo: Take one more step, and I will shoot! Ryan: Stand down, Elijah. We confiscated his computer. He's talking about the recordings he had saved on it. Mundo: He came here to kill someone. He came to satisfy an addiction. Leo's a junkie. He came to get a fix. We could still end this peacefully. Krumitz, pull up the third recording on Leo's playlist. We need to find a way to play it for Leo at the scene. Okay, the squad cars all have P.A. systems with bullhorns. Operator, this is Agent Daniel Krumitz. Connect me to dispatch. Man: Hold your fire! Krumitz: Officer, I need you to turn on your P.A. system. Finch: 911. What's your emergency? Boy: Help, he's stabbing him! He's stabbing my dad! Finch: What's your name? Where are you? Boy: Dylan, I don't know where I am. We just... we left the game. It's an alley. Finch: Help is on the way. Boy: The man just left. I'm scared. Finch: Hey, Dylan, I need you to go to your dad. Tell me what you see. Boy: He's not moving. He was going for his knife. Someone call 911. I've been hurt. I need help. [SCENE_BREAK] Nice code, brother. Huh? You're gonna leave me hanging? My bad, bro. (scoffs) That's old news, Nelson. Nelson: Yeah, but not to the mayor of New York City. I mean, all he saw was a black hat who brought down the stock exchange. (scoffs) It's like no matter what I do right, I can't shake what I did wrong. This is what pops up when I Google my name. Look at this. Ryan: Hey, come on. You didn't have to come back to Washington. You could have stayed in New York. I know, but I was... I was a distraction. You had to go to bat for me. It's not like anything Mayor Cavanaugh said wasn't true. Really? You really took that eight million? Except for that, Krummy. Hey, we cleared you of that long ago. The fact remains you can't rewrite history, but you can make it. And that is exactly what you did today. Own that. You should be very proud of yourself. Thank you, Avery. Krumitz: Eight million. Oh, my God. You can tell me. I won't tell anybody. Come on, you know where it is. Let's go get it right now. I didn't steal it. But I'm gonna find out who did. And when I do... I'm gonna put that b*st*rd in prison. Here, let me read this to you. Okay. "I'm taking a chance, hoping this is still your number. I know it's been two years. But fingers crossed, and divorce in the rearview... Maybe" Question mark. "I'm at Le Petit Paris every night from 8:00 until they throw me out." And then she signs it: "Foolish Heart." So you got a new phone and her new number, and whoever had that number before you was supposed to get that text. I-I know, I should have texted her right back when I got it, but I didn't, I-I waited. But then I figured, you know, she would assume that her text hadn't gone through, right? Mm-hmm. And maybe that was better than letting her know that I, you know, a complete stranger, knew that she'd... put herself out there. And I just didn't want to embarrass her. How do you know it's a her? Well, that's a good point. Okay, end of conversation. (laughs) No, wait a minute. You fantasized about who it would be, D.B. No, I didn't, no, I didn't. Yeah, you investigated it. No, I did not investigate. Yeah, you did. I called the restaurant. (gasps) See? That's all. I call... (laughs) They said that a rather attractive woman came there every night the same time. And I... I knew that she was roughly in my age group. Oh. "Foolish Heart"" That's a reference to a Steve Perry song. [SCENE_BREAK] That's a rock star before your time. Anyway, this... the whole text, it just... you know, it seemed so brave and... and honest, and... I'm curious. You hijacked another man's text. Yes, I did. (both laugh) So you're gonna meet her at the restaurant, or what? No. No. [SCENE_BREAK] (indistinct chatter) (sighs) (inhales sharply) [SCENE_BREAK] (ice rattling) Hi. Hi. (chuckles): Forgive me for asking, but are-are you... here alone? Uh... I am. Yeah. Of course. Um... sorry, no, I don't mean of course, I mean... I have a confession to make. Oh, really? Shouldn't I know your name before we jump right into the serious stuff? Yes, yeah. Sorry. Uh, D.B. Greer. Nice to meet you. See, I, uh... I received this today, and... obviously, it was not meant for me. I should have texted you right back, but I didn't, and I'm sorry. Mmm. Yeah. Yeah, awkward. No, not for me. Because I didn't write that text. (laughs): Really. You're kidding. Oh, boy. (sighs) So... (laughing): Oh... Oh, man. Well, shame on her. (laughs) Soliciting men via text. So... can I buy you a drink? Really? Seems like you could use one. Shouldn't I know your last name before we... jump into the serious stuff? Greer Latimore. D.B. Russell. Nice to meet you. You, too. Foolish heart... So, uh... what do you do... Greer Latimore? Former Secret Service. Dabble in... private investigations. Foolish, foolish heart... Nuh-uh. Uh-huh. Oh, boy. What are you drinking? You've been wrong before... Something manly. (laughs) Okay. Tequila. Very manly. Yes, yes. Foolish, foolish heart... Excuse me.

Ryan and Russell investigate when interference affects New York 911 calls. The Cyber team discovers an airborne computer virus that is infecting cell phones and must find the hacker responsible. Meanwhile, D.B. meets a woman after responding to a text he received by mistake. Opening Credits Jargon: Default Password - A simple password assigned by a device manufacturer that is easily hacked if left unchanged.

fd_Veronica_Mars_01x17

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VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars Keith stands over Lilly's body and Veronica runs up to see (from 101 "Pilot). VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year and a half since my best friend Lilly Kane was murdered. Cut to Weevil in Rebecca's office (from 112 "Clash of the Tritons"). WEEVIL: I never would have hurt her. Cut to Veronica listening in the car. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Lilly and Weevil? Cut to Veronica searching through Dr Levine's medical records (from 114 "Mars vs Mars"). VERONICA VOICEOVER: So what is the mystery condition that's causing your ex-boyfriend and possible half-brother to black out. Cut to Duncan standing over Veronica at the computer from the same episode. Cut to Veronica and Leo in the same episode. Cut to Wiedman walking to his office (from 111 "Silence of the Lamb"). VERONICA: Did you know that Clarence Wiedman, Head of Security at Kane Software, was the one that made the tip call that got Abel Koontz arrested? Cut back to Veronica and Leo (from 114 "Mars vs Mars"). Cut to Veronica talking to Koontz in prison. VERONICA: You're dying, Abel. Cut back to Veronica and Leo. VERONICA: Did you know that there's a traffic ticket that proves that Lilly's time of death is three hours off? Cut to Veronica, and Duncan behind her, watching Jake and Celeste (from 110 "An Echolls Family Christmas"). VERONICA VOICEOVER: Jake and Celeste. Either of them could have gone home on their own and killed Lilly. JAKE: What did you do? End previously. The scene opens from where it left on in 116 "Betty and Veronica", with Veronica looking at the Neptune Register obituary for Stella Koontz. VERONICA VOICEOVER: So Abel Koontz has a daughter. And now Clarence Wiedman knows that I know. But what do I really know? That Jake Kane bought a dying man's confession? That the Kane family needed a fall guy? Amelia DeLongpre. Veronica opens "Private Eyez" and searches for Amelia. VERONICA VOICEOVER: She's the one person who can prove my theory. I have to track her down before Clarence Wiedman finds her and Loyola Marymount? What do you know? She lives in LA. Veronica grabs her keys, bag and coat and races out of her room. Cut to a student working on her bed, books spread about her. There is a firm knock at the door. COLLEGE STUDENT: [Without looking up] Hello? The knocking continues. With a hint of frustration she goes to the door. WIEDMAN: Hello. Ms DeLongpre? COLLEGE STUDENT: Uh, who are you? WIEDMAN: I'm looking for Amelia DeLongpre. COLLEGE STUDENT: I'm-I'm sorry. She left about five minutes ago with some friend of hers. WIEDMAN: Could you describe this friend? COLLEGE STUDENT: Tiny, blonde, cute as a bug. Cut to the college parking lot where Veronica is leading Amelia towards her car. It's night. AMELIA: I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this. I don't even know you. VERONICA: Your father's attorney, Clif-Mr McCormack sent me to get you. We found some new evidence, evidence that may prove your father is innocent. AMELIA: What? VERONICA: [Opening the car door] Amelia, get in the car. If you don't get in the car, you're putting yourself in danger. AMELIA: I haven't spoken to my father in years. I don't understand. VERONICA: You're a threat to the Kane family now that you know about the payoff. AMELIA: What payoff? VERONICA: You just told me you're receiving millions in Kane Software stock. AMELIA: But mom said that was an out of court settlement. VERONICA: [Urgently] It's not a settlement. It's a payoff. For pleading guilty to the murder of Lilly Kane. Your father is innocent. Cut to the front of the Ocean Beach Hotel as Veronica's car pulls up. Then to a room inside as they enter. VERONICA: Not exactly the Ritz but hopefully you'll only be here for a couple of days. AMELIA: [Looking around] Exams are next week. One dank room is as good as the next. You know, I think this might actually be perfect. VERONICA: Before you dive in, you need to call your mother and have her overnight the Kane settlement documents right away. Tell her to pay in cash and make sure she uses a fake name. AMELIA: What will those prove? VERONICA: They'll prove your father's being paid to take the fall. And don't use your cell phone. Use this [handing her a cell]. It's not traceable. AMELIA: Okay. But I have to be able to take calls from my boyfriend. Unless you also want the police, marines and the National Guard out looking for me. I'll check the caller ID. Only him. No one else. VERONICA: No one else. And Amelia? He can't know your location. Veronica heads for the door. AMELIA: Veronica? VERONICA: [Pausing at the door] Yeah? AMELIA: Have you have you seen him? You know, in prison? VERONICA: Yeah. AMELIA: How how is he? VERONICA VOICEOVER: Dying. But if you know that, it's doubtful you'll help me. VERONICA: He's doing fine. Opening credits. Cut to a teacher handing out test papers and closing the classroom door, bearing a notice: Testing In Progress - Quiet Please. Veronica passes the door as she walks down the hallway. VERONICA VOICEOVER: As if I didn't have enough stress in my life, today marks that orgy of tension known as midterms. Veronica pauses on hearing and seeing a student kicking her locker in frustration. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Some handle it better than others. Cut to a part of the classified ads in a newspaper. The focus is on a phone s*x ad: I'm Miss Sabrina. The only thing I won't do is say no. SABRINA: Top right. Yes, that's my face that you see on a phone s*x ad. The camera pulls back to show the girl who was kicking her locker is now standing at the front of a classroom, speaking to a teacher who is holding the newspaper. She is covered in grim. SABRINA: I was getting phone calls for this all night long. I got zero sleep and my dad's a doctor, we can't just unplug the phone. DICK: [Coughing his words] I've been bad. There are titters and smirks in the classroom. The teacher throws Dick a warning glance. SABRINA: And this morning, someone let the air out of my tire. It's not fair. TEACHER: Of course, Sabrina. We'll find a time for you to take the test la- HAMILTON: Oh, wait. What happened to you're late, too bad, no exceptions. TEACHER: Mr Cho? When someone personally attacks you, we'll talk. Go to the library, we'll reschedule. SABRINA: Thanks. As Sabrina leaves, Hamilton Cho leans forward in his seat to whisper to Dick in front of him. HAMILTON: How 'bout, when my mom's elected school board president, we'll talk. Dick laughs. Cut to the girls restroom. Veronica is washing her hands. Sabrina marches in. SABRINA: Veronica? I heard this was kind of like your office. I need your help. VERONICA: A little club soda on the sleeves? SABRINA: This is because I had a flat. I had to change it myself and there was no hole, somebody just let the air out. Do you know Caz Truman? VERONICA: Basketball player, drives a Yukon? SABRINA: Yeah. I broke up with him two months ago and since then he's been harassing me. This is just the latest of these so-called pranks. I hear that you do things. I need you to make him stop. VERONICA: Gee, I'd love to help Sabrina but I have midterms of my own. SABRINA: This is important. I'll pay you. Every night when I'm trying to study there's some new catastrophe. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I am broke and Amelia's hotel room is seventy bucks a day. VERONICA: Are you sure it's Caz? SABRINA: Oh, this is so Caz, totally immature. Here. [She hands Veronica cash] I can give you a hundred now and four more when you prove that it's him. And the sooner the better because I already have to reschedule my AP history test. Sabrina stalks out of the restroom. Veronica counts the money. Cut to the school parking lot. Veronica is perched on the window frame of her car. She looks around until she sees Caz, whereupon she hops down and keeps pace next to him.. CAZ: Veronica Mars. What do you want? VERONICA: [Rapidly] Caz, I'm kind of busy so let's play this at fast forward. I ask you to stop harassing Sabrina Fuller. You deny it. I eventually catch you. You're suspended, dropped from basketball and made the subject of a news blurb that everyone chuckles at in the papers. So stop harassing Sabrina, okay? CAZ: Look, I'm not harassing Sabrina. They've reached Caz's Yukon and he opens the back before turning to her. He loads his stuff in. VERONICA: Caz! Did you listen? The flat tires, the escort ad, the midnight crank calls- CAZ: Wa-wa-wait. She said I did this? We-we've had problems but no way. I would leap off the roof of that school if she asked me, you know. VERONICA: Very caring gesture but- CAZ: I swear it wasn't me. [Closing up the car] Now, I'm late for the gym but when you catch whoever did this, you tell me, okay, 'cause I will smash his face in. I mean, seriously. Caz gets into the car. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Why is it that the Caz's of the world are forever in transit between romantic failure and the gym? Cut to Veronica's laptop screen. It is headed: Lilly Kane Murder Investigation. The desktop is a picture of Lilly and Veronica taken at the Kanes on the night of the limo party. There is a choice of four folders: crime scene, interview transcripts, suspects and timeline. Veronica has hit the file for suspects. That brings up further folders in the names of Abel Koontz, Jake Kane, Duncan Kane, Celeste Kane, Logan Echolls, Eli 'Weevil' Navarro and Clarence Wiedman. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sabrina says Caz strikes only at night. That gives me a couple hours before I need to get over there. Time enough to prepare my case for Amelia, prove to her that her father is allowing himself to be executed in order to make her wealthy. Veronica is working seated on the small couch in Mars Investigations. The phone on her desk rings and she rises to answer, leaving her laptop open on the table by the couch. VERONICA: Mars Investigations. MR WILSON: Is Keith Mars available? VERONICA: No, he's in a meeting. Cut to Keith, sitting back in his chair. KEITH: You want me to find a call girl for your husband? Keith's client is a middle-aged red-head who, according to IMDb is called Mrs Drake. MRS DRAKE: Yes. He likes blondes. KEITH: Look, I don't know if you were looking for pimp in the phonebook and just stopped at PI- MRS DRAKE: I want her to take him to a motel and when he's in a compromising position, you get the... what's it called? The, um- KEITH: Money shot? MRS DRAKE: Exactly. Prenup violated. Settlement for me. Bonus for you. KEITH: Sounds sweet. But if we go by the letter of the law, it's entrapment. Veronica knocks softly then opens the door. VERONICA: Dad, Mr Wilson is asking about- MRS DRAKE: The law? Look, if you don't want to do it, I'll take my business elsewhere. [Standing] Perhaps Mr Vincent Vanlowe isn't as interested in the letter of the law. KEITH: [Standing] Yeah, well, just know if you go with Mr Vanlowe there's every chance you'll get the Vinnie classic. MRS DRAKE: And what does that mean? KEITH: That means, Vinnie goes to bust your husband, gets his proof then goes back to him and says for double her money, I'll tell the wife you're a choir boy. Keith hands the unhappy Mrs Drake her papers back and she leaves. He and Veronica share a look which includes Veronica rolling her eyes. She goes back into the main office. Logan is sitting on the couch, looking intently at the laptop. LOGAN: What is it with the Mars' family? Veronica races to the laptop, slamming it shut, grabbing it and taking it back to her desk. LOGAN: God, Veronica, and you really believe Lilly's murder was some sort of vast conspiracy? VERONICA: I don't know what you saw. LOGAN: A file on Duncan. VERONICA: [Seriously] There's a file on everyone. LOGAN: [Standing] Yeah. It's thorough. And I'm glad my alibi held up. VERONICA: Out of the country. Two eye witnesses, it's airtight. LOGAN: [Standing in front of Veronica's desk] Hey, what do you think Lilly would make of you investigating all the people who loved her? VERONICA: [Sombrely, pointing to her chest] I loved Lilly. Maybe if I didn't I'd be able to drop this. Veronica sinks into her chair. Logan watches for a moment then takes something out of his pocket. LOGAN: Okay, I just came to give you this. He holds out a folded cheque. LOGAN: Hey, thanks, for, uh, you looking for my mother. Veronica takes the cheque and gazes at it. VERONICA: Your mom was always nice to me. Veronica folds the cheque and carefully tears it up. Logan is surprised then gives a half smile. He turns and leaves the office. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Way to think it through, Veronica. Ripping up Logan's check was a noble gesture but who's going to pay for Amelia DeLongpre's hotel room? Cut to Amelia's hotel room. She is sitting on the bed looking through some papers. Veronica is crouched by the television which is showing Harry Hamlin aka Aaron Echolls in "Clash of the Titans" as he puts a beast to the sword. VERONICA: Is this movie pay-per-view? AMELIA: I don't understand. These shoes. VERONICA: [Joining Ameila on the bed] These shoes were photographed in Lilly's room a couple hours after the murder. The same shoes were found two months later on your father's houseboat. Someone had to plant them there. AMELIA: And you're sure that it was the Kanes who framed him? VERONICA: Who else had the money and influence to pull it off? AMELIA: [Moving to the window] I just can't imagine someone murdering their own family. VERONICA: All three of the Kanes falsified their alibis. AMELIA: When I was really young, my dad he was a normal dad. But when Jake Kane cheated him out of his streaming video patent, it just, it changed him. He'd lock himself in his office for weeks, not even speak to me or my mom. Said he was gonna create a program that would put Kane out of business but of course, nothing ever came of that. One day my mom brings him a cup of coffee and she spills it all over his work. He backhanded her. We left the next day. Mom divorced him. [Returning to sit on the bed] Can I ask you something? VERONICA: Sure. AMELIA: Why do you think the money's coming to me? VERONICA: I think i- it's his way of saying, you know, that he's sorry. Amelia sobs. Cut to Veronica heading up the path to a house. She pauses to note a pickup truck slowly passing the house. She knocks on the door which is answered by a little girl. VERONICA: Hi. Uh, I'm looking for Sabrina? Cut to Jessica Fuller, last seen in 114 "Mars vs Mars". She is quizzing her daughter, Sabrina. SABRINA: Order, genus, species. JESSICA: And the kingdoms are? SABRINA: Fungi, plantae, animalia, uh, monera Veronica arrives at the doorway. JESSICA: Oh, hello. SABRINA: It's Veronica. I said that I would tutor her. Veronica is a little offended. JESSICA: Just don't forget about your own studies. SABRINA: Don t worry, mom. Se mi trattiene la chiudo nella la cantina. [Translation: "If she stays too long I will lock her in the basement."] JESSICA: Ma potrebbe stappare il buon vino. Meglio tentare per la soffita. [Translation: "But she could open the good wine. It better be the attic." They laugh] I m late to meet your father. Lynn is sleeping so keep it down. Jessica exits leaving Veronica to take her seat opposite Sabrina. VERONICA: You forgot protista. SABRINA: I didn't forget, you interrupted. What do you have? VERONICA: Caz Truman denies it. I put a tracker on his car just in case. Otherwise, we just wait to see if something happens. SABRINA: There is no if. Something happens every night. VERONICA: Well, that's why I'm here. Cut to later. VERONICA: [Looking at her computer screen] Yukon's still in the garage. Veronica gets up and goes to the window. The pickup truck, which runs nosily, passes again. The phone rings and Veronica hurries back to answer it, getting the caller ID number as she goes. VERONICA: Hello? Yes, this is Miss Sabrina. [Tapping the number into the computer.] Bad boy, well [reading off the screen] Mr Greeley of Encinitas. Twenty grand on credit cards, two divorces and a repo'd Sebring. You have been a bad boy. Miss Sabrina commands you. [Holding the phone away from her ear] Put your pants back on and get a job. Veronica hears the truck again and goes back to the window. VERONICA: Do you know anyone with a yellow truck? SABRINA: No. Why? Veronica sees a pram. VERONICA: Is that yours? Cut to outside. The driver of the pickup truck brakes hard when the pram rolls in front of him. Veronica runs up to the window and shines a torch in his face. It's Caz. VERONICA: Hello, Truman. He is chagrined. Cut to inside the house. SABRINA: Caz, it's over. Why can't you just act like a mature adult instead of- CAZ: Baby, it's not me. I'm innocent. VERONICA: Caz, you were lurking. The innocent rarely lurk. CAZ: No, I wasn't lurking. The-the thought of somebody messing with you made me nuts. I-I was watching the house figuring I could catch the guy, be the hero, get you back. SABRINA: What is with the junkie old truck? CAZ: It's the gardener's. S-so Sabrina, I would never hurt you. You know, if you asked, I would jump off the roof. SABRINA: Can I get you to stop that? VERONICA: [Impassively] Ask him to jump. There is a knock at the door. Everyone gets up to answer. SABRINA: The door? Who's knocking on my door at eleven o'clock? There is a small group of ravers at the door, including one in a "Cat in the Hat" red-striped hat. RAVER: [In party mode] Let's get this party started, whooo. VERONICA: You're in the wrong place. RAVER: Have you consider that maybe you're in the wrong place? He has a flyer in his hand. Veronica reaches forward and grabs it. VERONICA: [Reads] Keep it rolling all night. 23 Emperor Court. CAZ: W-where did you get that? RAVER: Sultans of Acid. The guy was handing them out. Said we'd all be rocking and rolling. The door is slammed in his face. Cut to Veronica at the Ocean Beach. She is laden with two grocery bags. She knocks on the door to Amelia's room. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sultans of Acid yielded nothing but hundreds of spaced-out weirdoes who couldn't answer a simple question. Complete dead end. AMELIA: [From inside] Who is it? VERONICA: It's me. Amelia opens the door with the chain still on and checks. On seeing it is Veronica, she opens the door. VERONICA: I brought some brain food. AMELIA: Snowballs! Cut to the room and Veronica and Amelia sitting on the bed. AMELIA: Oh, I talked to my mom. Sorry I freaked out. She was just visiting her sister in Squirrel Point. She says she's gonna mail that stuff tomorrow. VERONICA: Great. AMELIA: Veronica? Could you arrange a visitation with my dad? For the first time I can remember, I really want to talk to him. VERONICA: [Nervously] Yeah. Sure, uh, it may take a few days. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Just long enough to get the proof of the Kane payoff. Cut to Mars Investigations. KEITH: Shouldn't you be getting ready for your Achiever Dinner? VERONICA: Scholastic Excellence, I will. VINNIE: Miss Mars. Vinnie Vanlowe enters. He is overly jolly and sleazy. VERONICA: Mr Vanlowe. VINNIE: I, uh, hope you're not thinking of dying that hair because when you come work for me, you'll find that straying husbands are most likely to chase skinny blondes. [Laughs] No, I'm kidding, of course. They'll chase anything. But seriously, don't dye that hair. KEITH: [Coming out of his office] No hair advice for me, Vinnie? VINNIE: Actually Keith I was just coming by to say thanks. You know, uh, once you set up shop here, I got a little nervous, um, a former detective, sheriff, uh, law enforcement machine, hitting the Neptune PI scene, working the whole B-movie, back alley vibe. Clients love that. I thought I was toast but here we are sending each other referrals. KEITH: Referrals? Did I send you a- VINNIE: Red-head, with the husband problem. KEITH: Ahh, right. I wasn't actually referring so much as warning. VINNIE: I was thinking, uh, we might work together, you know, juggle some cases, maximise the market. KEITH: Actually, Vinnie, we're not- VINNIE: Ah, you're on the fence, okay, okay, okay but I have ten cases, five hundred a day, I can't handle them all. I'll farm them to you for three, I'm talking no-brainers, free of major ethical issues. Easy money. Win-win. Just saying. Think it over. Vinnie shows off a pack of his cards and throws them on Veronica's desk. He leaves. Veronica examines the cards. Vinnie's name (Vincent Vanlowe, PI) is written on the outline of a gun with a comic femme fatale gazing out from the side. KEITH: Get ready for your dinner. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I've been dreading it for weeks. Two hours at the Kane estate Cut to night, outside the front of the Kane house. Veronica approaches. VERONICA VOICEOVER: with the top five ranking juniors and seniors trying not to gag as they talk about the scholarship they're offering in Lilly's name. She rings the bell and waits. VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's been a year and a half since I stood outside this door and watched my best friend's body carried away. A year and a half's worth of questions only I know and only someone in this house can answer. Jake and Celeste are smiling as they come to the door. Their smiles fade. JAKE: Veronica, I didn't, uh [cautious smile] welcome. VERONICA: Thank you, Mr Kane. CELESTE: Come in, the others are already here. Celeste walks off as Veronica enters, Jake holding the door for her. Cut to inside. Veronica turns down a drink from a waiter and sees Jake and Celeste in another room. The appear to be arguing. VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's hard to be back knowing what I know now and not wonder. Celeste Kane has plenty of reasons to hate me. The camera cuts in the way it does for flashbacks but the lighting is such to show that this isn't one - it is a scenario that Veronica is imaging. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And before Lilly died I got the distinct impression she'd learned one of her mother's reasons. Lilly is lying on a sunlounger, reading a magazine. She is in her pep squad gear. Celeste is heading purposefully towards her. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Maybe Celeste over reacted. CELESTE: Lilly, she cannot come back here, ever. LILLY: Chill out, Mommie dearest. That's no way to treat your stepdaughter. Celeste turns away in disgust. Lilly appears behind her, taunting. LILLY: I think Duncan might have already slipped Veronica a bit too much of the old Kane hospitality. Celeste turns and slaps Lilly hard. Lilly retaliates with an even harder one, spinning Celeste who picks up what looks like a cross between a brick and a tile from a small garden table as she turns. She hits Lilly with it and Lilly lies dead. Cut back to Jake, Celeste is smiling broadly. JAKE: I am proud to announce an annual award in the name of our daughter. Starting this year, Neptune High's Valedictorian will receive a full-time scholarship to the university lucky enough to have him or her. So, best of luck to this year's seniors. May the best scholar win. [There is a smattering of applause] And, for next year's seniors, I only hope that this adds to your fantastic motivation, although, uh, I might add that we'll be paying for one of this year's junior honourees either way. Duncan is seated in an armchair in front of where his parents are standing and Jake pats his shoulder. VERONICA VOICEOVER: He doesn't look like a killer but you don't get to run a Fortune 500 company without a killer instinct. Cut to scenario. Jake is marching down the poolside. VERONICA VOICEOVER: And what if Lilly finally succeeded at getting her parents' attention. A shirtless Weevil is lying on the sunlounger, Lilly on top of him, rocking back and forth, and they are kissing passionately. LILLY: You're blocking my sun. JAKE: Who the hell are you? Lilly gets off Weevil and the sunlounger. WEEVIL: Me, I'm-I'm no one, I-I was just going. Weevil gets up. Jake puts a hand on his shoulder. JAKE: You were having s*x with my daughter? WEEVIL: Not right now. Jake grabs Weevil by his head. JAKE: [Raging] You think you can make a fool out of me? LILLY: Daddy, stop it. Lilly tries to intervene and Jake thrusts her away, hard. She flies into the hard table, hitting her head. Lilly lies dead. Jake turns back to Weevil, holding him by the ear. JAKE: Breathe a word and I promise you, you'll take the fall. Cut back to the dinner as Jake is shepherding everyone to the table. JAKE: Come on over here, let's chow down. It's rack of lamb tonight. LILLY: Veronica. Come on, dorkus. Veronica sees ghost Lilly run past the door towards the pool. She follows. She finds Lilly on one of the sunloungers. LILLY: My god, worse party ever. What are you doing at nerdfest. VERONICA: I had to come back. Something's wrong, they're hiding something. LILLY: Please. Veronica. They have their faults but they are hardly murderers. Wow, you've got some imagination. VERONICA: Then who did it? Lilly just smiles. Veronica is startled by a voice behind her. DUNCAN: You okay? She swings around. Duncan, hands in pockets, joins her, gazing at the spot where Lilly died. DUNCAN: So, who are you hiding from? VERONICA: No, really, I was just DUNCAN: Relax. I come here sometimes too. To think about her. At first I begged my parents to sell the house. Couldn't even walk by this spot, imagining the last thoughts that went through her head. But now, it's kind of nice. Peaceful. When I'm here, I feel like she's still with me. Come on, inside. We don't bite. Duncan gives her a big smile and a chuckle. Veronica follows after a look back. Cut to school, the outdoor eating area. Sabrina is crying. Veronica joins her at her table. VERONICA: What's wrong, Sabrina? SABRINA: I was just exhausted. All of this crap. I got an 86 on the AP Bio exam. VERONICA: AP Bio is a killer, a "B" isn't- SABRINA: I lost it, the top GPA, the Valedictorian spot. VERONICA: Because of one test? SABRINA: I had a hundredth of a point lead and now I'm a hundredth behind. [Nearly hysterical] Why have you gotten him to stop? VERONICA: Sabrina, it's not Caz, I'm sure. Wait, who's in first place now? SABRINA: Um, [[pointing] him. VERONICA: Hamilton Cho? SABRINA: Yeah. Cut to the outside of Cho's Pizza, Home of the Peking Duck Pizza. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Since I'm checking on new GPA champ, Hamilton Cho, I might as well expand my gastronomical horizons. Cut to inside. Hamilton is working behind the counter. HAMILTON: I'm actually a little hurt this is your first Cho's pizza, Veronica. VERONICA: What can I say? I lack pizza imagination. So, hear you got into Oxford. Congrats. HAMILTON: Yeah, sweet. If I can come up with about a billion dollars or so. VERONICA: Well. I hear you've edged into the lead for Valedictorian now. If you don't blow it in the next nine weeks, that Kane scholarship will pay for Oxford entirely. So, Sabrina HAMILTON: Ah, the teenage witch. VERONICA: You don't like her. HAMILTON: Do you? Does anyone? VERONICA: She's had it pretty tough this week. HAMILTON: Boo hoo. You know how many breaks she's had? She got AP credit for a school sponsored trip to Rome. Her mom is the School Board President. I mean, how can I compete with that? I work twenty hours a week, no tutors, it's just the way it is here. [Hands Veronica her pizza] Money talks, etcetera, etcetera. You know what I'm talking about. Hamilton's father hands him a delivery order. JIM CHO: Hamilton. This order's ready. HAMILTON: Gotta run. [Puts on his delivery cap] Pop, I'll be back in ten. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Of course I agree, Hamilton. The world is unfair. That's why I don't feel good about putting a tracker on your car. Cut to the door of the Mars apartment. Someone is trying the handle. Keith, coming out of the bathroom and in his dressing gown, sees and jerks the door open. It's Wiedman. KEITH: Can I help you? WIEDMAN: Mr Mars. KEITH: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock. I must have been in the shower. WIEDMAN: Hmm. KEITH: Well, come on in, I'll fix you a cup of coffee. It's been a while. WIEDMAN: It has. KEITH: What brings you to my door? WIEDMAN: Looking for someone. [Shows Keith a picture of Amelia] Her name is Amelia DeLongpre. KEITH: Geez. You mean the head of a corporate security team came to a little old PI like me? I'm flattered. I'm two fifty a day. WIEDMAN: I had thought maybe you knew already where she was. Company has some important information for her. We thought perhaps she might even be staying with you. KEITH: In my two room apartment. Well take a look around, Clarence. God's honest truth, I don't know who that woman is or why I'd have her stashed here, but knock yourself out. Are we done here, then? Keith opens the door. WIEDMAN: Thanks for your hospitality. Wiedman leaves. Cut to the door later as Veronica enters with Backup. Keith is sitting in the armchair. KEITH: Guess who stopped by today? VERONICA: If you say Josh Hartnett, I'm gonna be so bummed. KEITH: Clarence Wiedman. He's the head of security for Kane Software. And for an hour after he left I sat here wondering. What did I stumble on that has them so rattled that they'd send over their top guy? [Veronica sinks onto the sofa] I wasn't sure what it was but I was proud. Clearly I was making them nervous. Then it occurred to me. I didn't stumble on anything. I haven't touched the case in months. Nope, I'm not scaring the Kanes. My seventeen year old daughter is. VERONICA: I know who he is. He's looking for Abel Koontz's daughter. KEITH: Of course, she changed her name. She's the one getting the payoff. And you know where Amelia is. [Angry] Do you have any idea how dangerous it is, what you're doing? VERONICA: [Desperately] I'm protecting her so that the Kanes can't get to her and cover up the money trail. KEITH: Well who's going to protect you, Veronica? Understand me. That family will do anything to make that evidence go away. VERONICA: She's willing to help us, Dad. She's already agreed to turn over the phoney patent documents, that's as much of a smoking gun as we're gonna find. KEITH: That girl must really love her old man if she's trading three million bucks for three months of his life. VERONICA: You know about Abel- KEITH: Stomach cancer? All right Veronica. New game, new rules. [Keith moves over to sit next to her on the couch] I told you a long time ago to drop this case- VERONICA: Dad, I won't- KEITH: I know. Just listen. You have to promise me that you'll be more careful. That means no more surprise visits from Clarence Wiedman. I just can't make myself more clear. VERONICA: I'll promise. KEITH: All right. I found a cell phone record showing that Jake Kane called Clarence five minutes before he arrived home the night of the murder. So when Jake's alibi went all to pieces and I started to question the coroner's time of death, the core body temperature just didn't match the rest of the timeline. VERONICA: You think Jake called Clarence Wiedman after he discovered Lilly's body? [Keith nods] To do what? KEITH: Whatever needed to be done. Cut to Veronica in her car. It's night and Backup is sitting in the seat next to her. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Clarence Wiedman. Ex-army intelligence, ex-FBI, ex-god knows what else. Probably a good man in a bad situation. [SCENE_BREAK] Cut to another scenario. This time, Lilly is already dead and Jake is sobbing over her. He is on his cell phone. JAKE: C-Clarence. I need your help. Within the same scenario, Clarence arrives at the Kane's front door with a large bag of ice thrown over his shoulder. Jake and Celeste meet him. WIEDMAN: [Coldly] Mr Kane, listen to me. I need you to go to the trunk and get the rest of it. And then we need to decide which one of you found her. Now show me the body. Cut back to Veronica in the car. Her cell rings. VERONICA: Hello. Cut to Sabrina. She is lying in bed with a pillow over her head. A car alarm can be heard. SABRINA: Veronica? Now it's this car alarm. It's been going off outside of my window for the last two hours. We called the police twice. It just stops right before they get here. Cut to Veronica who over at Cho's. Hamilton can be seen, studying, through the window. VERONICA: Well, it can't be Hamilton. He's been at Cho's all night. SABRINA: [Screaming] Veronica. I can't take this anymore. Are you gonna help me or what? VERONICA: Get out. Go find the car and take down the licence plate. I'll see what I can do tomorrow. Veronica puts up the phone. VERONICA VOICEOVER: In the meantime, I need to find out Cut to an empty classroom as Veronica pulls Logan in. VERONICA VOICEOVER: when a certain ticking time bomb is set to go off. VERONICA: [Defensively] I'd like to know when you plan on telling Duncan and everyone how I'm psycho or, at least, unhealthily obsessed. I'd like to be prepared. LOGAN: You know, something's been bothering me. About Duncan having whatever he has, that weird kind of epilepsy. Are you sure? VERONICA: About that? LOGAN: Yeah. VERONICA: Yeah. LOGAN: I've know him since kindergarten, why didn't he ever mention it to me? Logan sags against a desk. VERONICA: I don't think he or his parents wanted anyone to know. I think they still want him to be president some day. LOGAN: Does that mean that he has, like, fits or something? VERONICA: Possibly. Other times the attacks might manifest themselves as hysterical laughter or uncontrollable crying. Or a blind rage. [Veronica can see this in particular has an impact on Logan] Does any of that sound familiar to you? Logan, still perched on the desk, slides closer to Veronica. LOGAN: [Softly] I'm only telling you, okay. Veronica nods. LOGAN: Last year when [looks heavenward and sighs heavily] I was over at their place, I heard s-screaming from the next room. I heard Duncan's voice and thought someone had broken into the house and when I got there, I found him on the floor and he-he had his hands around his dad's throat. And I tried to pull him off. An-and all of a sudden he went limp and he was Duncan again. VERONICA: What did Jake say to you? LOGAN: Nothing. We helped Duncan to his room and it was over. I tried talking to Duncan the next day at school but he acted like he didn't remember a thing. VERONICA: When Lilly died? LOGAN: No. [Slowly standing and looking down at her] It was the week you guys broke up. [Pause] It's weird, huh? Logan leaves, sparing her a brief glance back when he reaches the door. Cut to Veronica at her desk at Mars Investigations. She is checking out information on her computer. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Despite serious sleep deprivation, Sabrina remembered to get the plate on the offending car. An '83 K-car registered to Debra Villareal who's touring Europe [a glitch as the screen says Omaha, NE] as "Jasmine" in "Aladdin on Ice". So what's her K-car doing parked outside the Fuller residence? I doubt it's coincidence that Debra Villareal was once married to Vinnie Vanlowe, Private Eye. Veronica picks up the telephone. SABRINA: Hello? VERONICA: Sabrina, hi. I need to borrow some of your spirit week stuff. Cut to the outside of Vinnie's office. His logo is two handguns in the shape of a "V". Cut to inside. VERONICA VOICEOVER: I'm not an expert on the male mind so maybe someday someone can tell me what it is about chrome, glass and fake black leather that are supposed to represent masculinity. A woman in her fifties or sixties is manning the front office desk. MRS VANLOWE: Ah, can I help you? VERONICA: [Brightly] Yes! You can help me by asking if Mr Vanlowe has a second to see Veronica Mars and you can help Neptune High by buying cookies for our spirit week. MRS VANLOWE: Oh, Vinnie loves these mints. I'll take one. VERONICA: If you buy two, you get a spirit pin. MRS VANLOWE: Oh, I have to have a pin, here. That's ten. [she fusses] Go Pirates. VINNIE: [Calling from the inner office.] Ma, I told you a million times, if you don't order extra mayo on the tuna it gets all cr- Vinnie, wearing a false moustache, comes to the door of the inner office. He sees Veronica. VINNIE: Why Ms Mars. So, uh, what can I do for you? They go into the office and sit. VERONICA: Couple of things, actually. VINNIE: Shoot. VERONICA: First, my dad just wanted me to come by and say he is unable to take you up on your offer. He says thanks anyway and in the spirit of mutual co-operation, he wanted to give you this. Hands over a pen. VINNIE: Mars Investigation address and phone right there on the pen. Class. [He tosses it onto his desk] So what's the number two thing? VERONICA: I was hoping maybe you could tell me who hired you to harass Sabrina Fuller. VINNIE: Sabrina Fuller. Doesn't ring a bell. I don't believe I know such a person. VERONICA: See, I think that you do. Either that or your ex-wife really hates academic achievers. VINNIE: My ex-wife, Brenda? VERONICA: No. VINNIE: Masako! VERONICA: Debra. Guess she's been having some trouble with her K-car? Vinnie rolls his head. VINNIE: Uh, well I don't know anything about that, I mean, I wish I can help you but I can't. As you can see, I'm in the middle of a [holding up his lunch] job here, so if you don't mind. VERONICA: Sure. [Rising] Just trying to help a friend out at school. No big deal. VINNIE: [Walking her to the door of the inner office] Well, tell your dad, thanks for the pen. VERONICA: Sure. And you-you've a little something on your face. VINNIE: What? Potato chip? Veronica grasps one end of the moustache and pulls, ripping it off. She leaves. VINNIE: That is not cool. Cut to outside Vinnie's office. Sabrina is waiting in Veronica's car as Veronica climbs in. SABRINA: So what did you find out? VERONICA: Nothing, but I sold two boxes of cookies. SABRINA: You found out nothing. So, what is the point of us even doing this? Veronica uses the keyboard on the laptop. Vinnie's voice rings out. VINNIE: Why didn't you tell me you got thin mints? Come in here. VERONICA: That's the point. Just wait. VINNIE: Yeah, uh-huh, cute. Hey, ma, whose that band I like, ooh, yeah, Hall and Oates. John Hall and Daryl Oates. That-that one song. [Singing] Private Eye, I'm watching you Sabrina and Veronica look up at his window, Vinnie is performing for them, using the pen as a microphone. VINNIE: and I see your every move. Yeah, Veronica Mars, I'm watching you, Private Eye. I'm watching you. [Speaking] Hall and Oates, Veronica. They wrote the song and now you're living it. How's it feel? [Singing again] Private Eyes, watching you, [slapping his bum] watching your every move, baby. Private eyes, Veronica Mars. Vinnie holds the pen out of the window and pretends to be struggling to hang on to it. VINNIE: [Tossing it out the window] Oops. SABRINA: Now what are we supposed to do? Veronica is busy on the keyboard. VERONICA: Sabrina, give me a little more credit. She has activated the camera in the Pirate pin. MRS VANLOWE: Vinnie, did you get that- What are you doing? VINNIE: Did you bring the mints? We need to get rid of that K-car. Call Gary and have him tow it. Get Jim on the horn. MRS VANLOWE: You wanna pizza? You just ate. VINNIE: Ma, it's j-it's business. SABRINA: What? VERONICA: Sabrina, I know who did it. Cut to the Kanes house where Veronica sits on a large couch with Hamilton and his father. Jessica and Sabrina sit on another couch and in chairs facing them all are Jake and Celeste Kane and Mr Clemmons. JIM CHO: My son never had a fair chance. I didn't give him the same advantages as the kids he has to compete with. JESSICA: You want us to believe getting a private eye to harass my daughter is acceptable just because we happen to have money? JIM CHO: But my son didn't have anything to do with this. He's worked so hard and he deserves- JAKE: All right, look. Well, it just seems like a mess. But, uh, under the circumstances, assuming that, uh, Hamilton and Sabrina finish the year one-two, we are willing to split the scholarship this year. I mean, if that's acceptable to the two of you. Hamilton looks hopeful. JESSICA: No. The honour of Valedictorian belongs to my daughter. And so does that scholarship. JIM CHO: Mrs Fuller, please. JESSICA: There's one agreement I'm prepared to make. This young man will remove himself from the Valedictorian race and we won't press charges. CLEMMONS: Mrs Fuller, is that the only solution that you would consider? Can we- HAMILTON: Naw, I'll do it. [Standing] What the hell? JIM CHO: Hamilton, no. VERONICA: Hamilton, this is ridiculous. They can't force you to do this. HAMILTON: [Standing] They just did. Come on, Dad. Cut to outside. Veronica catches up with Hamilton. VERONICA: Hamilton? I'm so sorry. HAMILTON: Ah, it's not your fault. VERONICA: What are you going to do now? HAMILTON: You know, work two jobs, take out loans. State school. Twenty years from now, she'll be working for me. VERONICA: And Oxford? HAMILTON: Proust is still Proust. Even at UCLA. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Life is fundamentally unfair. It takes real talent to make unfair seem cool. Hamilton Cho. Proof that kids love their dads, no matter how badly they screw up. It's the exact kind of love I'm banking on from Amelia DeLongpre. Cut to Loyola Marymount. A male student walks along in the night. Wiedman exits his parked car to approach him. WIEDMAN: Excuse me. Listen, do you happen to have a cell phone on you? I gotta call Triple A. Cut to Veronica on her cell phone. VERONICA: Hello? AMELIA: Veronica. VERONICA: Hey, Amelia. AMELIA: The papers came. VERONICA: Oh, thank god. I-I'll be right by to make copies. How are you holding up? Cut to Amelia sitting on the bed at the hotel. AMELIA: Tired of trying to concentrate on Plato and, all I can think about is what I'm gonna say to my dad when I finally see him. [Her other cell phone rings] Oh, it's my boyfriend. See you soon. [Answering the call] Hey, sweetie. WIEDMAN: Miss DeLongpre? Don't hang up. My name is Clarence Wiedman. The woman you're dealing with isn't who she says she is. Cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica is at her desk, Keith is in his office. VERONICA: Dad, we've got it. Amelia has the settlement papers at her hotel. KEITH: Good work, honey. Let's go. Veronica and Keith leave the office. Cut to them arriving at the Ocean Beach and then of them at the door to Amelia's room. Veronica knocks. Getting no response, she uses keys to enter. Clarence Wiedman is in the room, putting some papers in a briefcase. There is no sign of Amelia. WIEDMAN: As it turns out, I won't be needing your services, Keith. VERONICA: Where is she? WIEDMAN: Gone. VERONICA: You took her? WIEDMAN: She took herself. Miss DeLongpre was particularly upset with you, Miss Mars, for failing to mention her father's declining health. KEITH: [Softly] Let's go, honey, come on. VERONICA: Where? WIEDMAN: Where would you go if you had your own Swiss bank account? Thank you for bringing Amelia to Neptune, Miss Mars. She just finalised her father's settlement with Kane Software. Upset, Veronica spins round and rushes out. Keith follows more slowly. Cut to Mars Investigations. Veronica is sitting on the floor, back against the wall, in Keith's office by the door to the safe. It is dark, with no lights on. VERONICA VOICEOVER: What do you do when the best chance you've had at cracking the case, packs up her suitcase and heads to Biarritz or St Tropez or wherever rich people disappear to? Keith enters and turns on the lights. KEITH: Oh, hey honey, what are you doing on the floor in the corner? VERONICA: Dad, I- KEITH: Well, don't sit on the floor. [He pulls her up] Take the chair. [He couches down to the safe door] I changed the combination on this thing, you know. [Dialling the combination] 41-54-17. Keith opens the safe and gets the Lilly Kane murder file. VERONICA: Random numbers? Just like you said. KEITH: 415 and 417. Flight numbers. Our honeymoon, your mom and I. I never can remember the random ones. Keith plonks the file on the desk. Cut to later as they discuss the case. VERONICA: Obviously, Jake and Celeste lied about their alibis but what made you think they were involved in covering up Lilly's death. KEITH: When the call came in that Lilly had been found, I was the first one at the scene. Flashback to the Kane house the night of the murder. Keith is questioning Jake and Celeste. Duncan is sitting in the front hall, rocking. KEITH: How long had you two been home before you discovered her body. JAKE: Five minutes, um, ten, maybe. I-I-I knew the kids were home so I decided to check for them out at the pool and that's, um, that's when I found and that's when I, uh, that's when I found oh. Keith glances at Duncan. KEITH: And where was Duncan at that moment? CELESTE: He was-he was showering. He, uh, beat us home but he hadn't gone out to the pool. Keith hears the buzzer of a clothes drier finishing. KEITH: You doing some laundry? Neither of the Kanes has an answer. KEITH: [Offscreen, present day] The Kanes had two full-time housekeepers. My guess, they hadn't done their own laundry in a very long time so give me one good reason why they would start a load of laundry the night they found their daughter bludgeoned to death. Cut back to Mars Investigations. Keith looks sympathetically at his daughter. KEITH: Honey, it was a soccer uniform I found in the dryer. VERONICA VOICEOVER: Duncan and Lilly were so different. They didn't always like each other, but they always loved each other. He never would have hurt her. Flash to another scenario. Lilly is lying on her stomach on the sunlounger. But what if emotional turmoil, the same kind that drove him to attack his father, turned Duncan into someone else entirely. A shadow falls over her. LILLY: You're blocking my sun. Lilly looks up just as Duncan goes to strike her. She screams. End.

Veronica finds Abel Koontz's daughter, Amelia DeLongpre, and searches for evidence that Jake Kane paid Abel to falsely confess to Lilly's murder before Clarence Wiedman gets to Amelia. Veronica is hired to find out who is mysteriously harassing a classmate.

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The Sensorites By Peter R. Newman 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM (The crew are gathered around the console. The Doctor is staring at the controls, baffled.) IAN: Perhaps we've landed on top of something? DOCTOR: Yes... BARBARA: Or inside something. (They look at her.) DOCTOR: Mmm? [SCENE_BREAK] (The Doctor points to an instrument.) DOCTOR: This says everything has stopped, but the ship... SUSAN: What did you mean, Barbara, inside something? IAN: Perhaps that's why we still appear to be moving. BARBARA: How's the scanner, Doctor? DOCTOR: Covered with static. Let's try it again, Susan. (Susan presses the control but the scanner still shows only static.) IAN: That could be caused by an unsurpressed motor. DOCTOR: Yes, or a magnetic field. SUSAN: Shall we go outside, grandfather? DOCTOR: No, I shalln't be happy until I've solved this little mystery. BARBARA: I don't know why we ever bother to leave the ship. DOCTOR: Well you're just thinking about the experiences you had with the Aztecs. BARBARA: No. I've got over that now. IAN: That's one thing about it, Doctor. We're certainly different from when we started out with you. SUSAN: That's funny. Grandfather and I were just talking about it before you came in, how you'd both changed. BARBARA: Oh, we've all changed. SUSAN: Have I? BARBARA: Yes! DOCTOR: Yes, it all started as a mild curiosity in a junkyard and now its turned out to be quite a, quite a great spirit of adventure, don't you think? IAN: Yes, but we've had some pretty rough times and even that doesn't stop us. It's a wonderful thing, this ship of yours, Doctor. It's taken us back to prehistoric times, the Daleks... SUSAN: ...Marco Polo, Marinus... BARBARA: ...and the Aztecs! DOCTOR: Yes, and that extraordinary quarrel I had with that English king, Henry VIII. (chuckles) Do you know, he threw a parson's nose at me! BARBARA: Well what did you do? DOCTOR: Threw it back, of course! 'Take them to the tower!' he said. That's why I did it. BARBARA: Why? SUSAN: The TARDIS was inside the tower! DOCTOR: Of course, that was long before you appeared on the scene. However, now, let's get back to this little problem. Open the door, Susan. (Susan operates the doors which begin to open.) IAN: Have you checked everything, Doctor? Yes, yes, plenty of fresh air, temperature normal. BARBARA: Oh, just the unknown, then. (They turn to the doors. A futuristic control room can be seen beyond. They walk towards the door.) IAN: You were right, Barbara. We have landed inside something. DOCTOR: It's a spaceship! [SCENE_BREAK] 2. CONTROL ROOM, HUMAN SHIP (They are now fully out. The control room is quite large. At one end lies the TARDIS, still in its Police Box form. At the other is a giant control bank with a screen in it. Seated here are two humans, a man and a woman, who do not move. They are dressed in pullovers with a logo of two rockets on. Two circular shaped sliding doors are set into the back wall some distance apart.) DOCTOR: Close the door, Susan. (Susan locks the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Let us be careful. There's been some kind of catastrophe here. (They cautiously advance forward to the man. Ian lifts up his head then feels his pulse.) IAN: Dead. (Susan turns to the other body.) SUSAN: This one's a girl. (Barbara examines it.) BARBARA: I'm afraid she's dead too. What can have happened? I can't see a wound or anything. IAN: Suffocation, Doctor? DOCTOR: I never make uninformed guesses, but, er, certainly that's one answer. Oh dear, dear, dear. What a tragedy, you know. She's only a few years older than Susan. SUSAN: Grandfather, let's go back to the TARDIS. DOCTOR: I don't know. I've got a feeling about this. BARBARA: Yes. I think I can sense something too. IAN: You mean that whatever it was killed them, could kill us? (The Doctor has noticed something on the body's wrist.) DOCTOR: Chesterton, have you noticed anything about this watch? (They go over and find a similar one on the man's body.) DOCTOR: Neither of them are working. These are the non-winding time. The movement of of the wrist recharges the spring inside for 24 hours. IAN: Yes, and they've both stopped at about three o'clock. DOCTOR: Yes, now suppose we say they've only just stopped. That would mean that the last movement of their wrists would have been at least 24 hours ago. SUSAN: Grandfather, he's still warm! BARBARA: Then they've only just died. DOCTOR: It doesn't make sense, does it? But the facts are all here. I think it would be wise if we returned to the ship and left these people. There's noothing we can do for them. BARBARA: We can't even bury them. (They advance towards the TARDIS.) DOCTOR: Come along, open the door, Susan. (Susan begins to unlock it. Suddenly the figure of the man leans forwards and collapses onto the controls.) IAN: His heart had stopped beating, Doctor. He was dead! (They all rush around the man, Captain Maitland. He mumbles something illegible.) IAN: What do you want? MAITLAND: ...Over there... (Ian goes to some shelves between the two doors.) IAN: Here? MAITLAND: No... to the left... (Ian goes to the left and picks up a small transparent cylinder.) IAN: This? MAITLAND: Yes... (Ian rushes back and gives it to Maitland who holds it against his chest. Soon he appears to have completely recovered and be back to normal.) MAITLAND: Carol. (He hands Barbara the object.) MAITLAND: Place this against Carol's chest.) BARBARA: I'm sorry. Carol's dead. MAITLAND: Please do as I ask. (Barbara does the same to Carol who sits up, groaning.) IAN: (To the Doctor.) They were both dead. SUSAN: Grandfather, what was in that box? MAITLAND: It's a heart resuscitator. When you found us we were in a very long sleep but we weren't dead. My name is Maitland. This is Carol Richmond, my fellow astronaut. (Barbara and Carol have by now rejoined the main group.) DOCTOR: Tell me, are you from the Earth? MAITLAND: Yes, we are. BARBARA: So are we! How's it looking? CAROL: The Earth, you mean? BARBARA: Yes. CAROL: There's still to much air traffic. IAN: They got it off the roads, did they? MAITLAND: You might say that, yes. IAN: Barbara and I, we come from London. (Maitland looks baffled.) IAN: Tell me, is er, Big Ben still on time? MAITLAND: What century do you come from? The 21st, perhaps? BARBARA: No, the 20th. MAITLAND: I see. CAROL: What's Big Ben? BARBARA: It's a clock. Near Westminster. MAITLAND: Yes. You see the whole lower part of England is called central city now. There hasn't been a London now for 400 years. We come from the 28th century. CAROL: Captain Maitland, these people must leave us immediately. MAITLAND: Yes, you will have to. IAN: But there are so many things we want to know! MAITLAND: There is only danger for you here, you must go. BARBARA: Danger? What sort of danger? MAITLAND: It's better that you don't know what happened to us. BARBARA: But we might be able to help you! DOCTOR: No, no, Barbara. I learnt not to meddle in the affairs of other people long ago. (Ian laughs.) DOCTOR: Now, now, now, don't be absurd. There's not an ounce of curiosity in me, my dear boy. (to Maitland) Now, why are you in trouble? (Now Barbara laughs.) MAITLAND: Very well, I'll try to explain. Out there is a planet we call the Sense Sphere. Its inhabitants, the Sensorites, have always prevented us from leaving this area of space. DOCTOR: You mean they have some kind of power over your craft. MAITLAND: Exactly. But its, its not that simple. They not only control our craft; they have some influence over us as well. DOCTOR: Hypnosis, you mean? MAITLAND: No, I do not mean hypnosis. DOCTOR: Well what then? MAITLAND: Somehow they have control over our brains. They are hostile, these Sensorites, but in the strangest possible ways. They don't let us leave these area of space and yet they don't attempt to kill us. SUSAN: What had happened when we found you? CAROL: Well the same thing that's happened many times before. They put us into a deep sleep that gives the appearance of death, and yet they've never made any actual effort to destroy us. MAITLAND: Far from it. We both have healthy recollections of them returning from time to time to our ship to actually feed us. IAN: It doesn't add up at all. CAROL: This is why you must leave us at once! MAITLAND: Yes. The Sensorites may try to prevent you from leaving. (Meanwhile at the other end of the room, unnoticed by the others, a small wrinkled hand reaches out and feels the TARDIS lock. It returns with a device that looks like a small tennis racket with a glass centre. Two lines form a cross and these are focused on the lock. The device begins to hum.) BARBARA: I can smell something burning. SUSAN: Mmm, so can I. MAITLAND: You mustn't stay any longer. IAN: I'm inclined to agree with him, Doctor. (To Maitland.) But surely there's something we can do for you. MAITLAND: No. Nobody can help us. SUSAN: Grandfather, couldn't we take them back with us? MAITLAND: We cannot leave this ship. CAROL: You see there's John to think of too. DOCTOR: John? BARBARA: Ian, there is something burning. IAN: Yes, I think you're right. Maitland, you wouldn't have anything shorting, would you? MAITLAND: Why no, that's not possible. (Still unseen by the others, the device is still working on the now smoking TARDIS lock. The device stops humming and the hand grasps the lock and the entire mechanism. It then tests the door but it refuses to open. After a while, Barbara points towards the TARDIS.) BARBARA: It seems to be coming from over here. (Barbara and Ian go off to investigate.) DOCTOR: (To Carol.) You have additional crew, I take it. CAROL: Yes. DOCTOR: Mmm... MAITLAND: Doctor, you must go. Leave us. DOCTOR: Well it seems to me that there's nothing else I can do. (to Maitland) Goodbye my friend. (to Carol) Goodbye my child. Come along, Susan. (He leads Susan plus Ian and Barbara who are standing in the middle of the room over to the TARDIS.) BARBARA: It's stronger over here, Doctor. DOCTOR: Perhaps it's coming from inside the TARDIS. (Susan spots the hole where the lock should be.) SUSAN: Grandfather! DOCTOR: Good gracious, they've taken the lock! SUSAN: It's not so much the lock, it's the opening mechanism. The door's permanently locked! IAN: Permanently? Well there must be some way of getting in. What can we do, Doctor, break down the door? DOCTOR: Adn disturb the field of dimensions inside the TARDIS? We dare not! No, we've been most effectively shut out. BARBARA: The Sensorites? DOCTOR: Who else? SUSAN: What do they want with us? DOCTOR: I don't know. And why have they kept those other two in captivity, mm? (The ship begins to rumble and shake. Carol shouts over from her seat.) CAROL: The Sensorites! They're back! Get away! IAN: We must get to the other end! (With difficulty they struggle back to the side of the room with Maitland and Carol.) DOCTOR: (To Maitland.) What's happening, my friend? Can't you control the ship? MAITLAND: I'm powerless. The Sensorites are stronger than I am! DOCTOR: Which is your parallel thrust? MAITLAND: There! (The Doctor operates a control.) DOCTOR: Right, velocity check. Chesterton, check velocity. (Carol points to a display.) CAROL: Here. IAN: It's not even on the unit marker, Doctor! (Maitland struggles against the Doctor's operation of the controls.) MAITLAND: Trying to control this spacecraft is suicide..! DOCTOR: Please go away! IAN: Velocity needle's hitting the red, Doctor. DOCTOR: Right, stabilise us, Maitland. (Maitland pushes a lever forward and the juddering stops.) DOCTOR: At last. At last. The ship was rolling about on its axis. SUSAN: Grandfather, look! (The white planet on the screen is growing larger.) BARBARA: We're heading straight for it! CAROL: It's the Sense Sphere. DOCTOR: (To Maitland.) Where's your deflection rays? (Maitland does not react.) DOCTOR: Maitland, deflection rays! MAITLAND: There, the white panel, but its useless. DOCTOR: We'll see about that. (He begins to move some controls on the white panel.) DOCTOR: Reading, please? CAROL: Max three, braking one. IAN: 19 miles to the nearest point of impact. CAROL: Closing fast! SUSAN: Barbara, we're going to hit! We're going to hit! CAROL: Lifting flight. MAITLAND: We're on collision course! DOCTOR: Jet course port... now! (He moves a switch and there is a roaring noise.) IAN: Velocity's still rising! DOCTOR: Jet reverse starboard... now! (He moves another switch and their is a similar noise.) CAROL: Increasing to max 4. Heading straight for point of impact! IAN: The altitude is still falling! CAROL: Max 4. DOCTOR: Barbara, see that panel? Check system, green light normal. (Barbara looks at it.) BARBARA: Yes, green light's on. DOCTOR: (To Maitland.) Now boost engines... forward... thrust... now! (Maitland becomes paralysed. The Doctor pulls the lever for him. Maitland leans back exhausted. The roaring noises are now almost deafening. The Sense Sphere almost fills the screen then falls to the side. They have passed it. It becomes quiet again.) MAITLAND: Why couldn't I do it? [SCENE_BREAK] 3. CONTROL ROOM (LATER) (The Doctor and Maitland are seated by a console with Ian and Carol standing behind them. Susan and Barbara are preparing a meal.) DOCTOR: Well, my friend, are you feeling better? MAITLAND: Yes, my head's much clearer. DOCTOR: Yes well I rather fancy that's settled that little bit of solution. You know, I think these Sensorites have found a way to take control of your minds. IAN: Do you think they were deliberately trying to kill us, Doctor? DOCTOR: No, no I don't. I think it was an exercise in fear and power. CAROL: Yes, but for some reason or other, you minds aren't open to them. DOCTOR: Yes and you've found a way to resist them, whereas Maitland here; his power to resist was taken from him. MAITLAND: I was afraid. DOCTOR: Mmm. IAN: You weren't afraid. They just made you hopeless. DOCTOR: Yes, they're dangerously cunning, these people, but that's not all. Things are very strange here. You know, they can control, they can frighten and yet they don't attempt to kill you. Furthermore they even feed you and keep you alive. All this is quite extraordinary. IAN: Yes. And talking about food, I shall be glad when we eat. (to Barbara) How's it coming along? BARBARA: All right. It'll be ready in a minute. CAROL: Well from the sight of our stocks, they've obviously been giving us their own food. BARBARA: Whart about water, Carol? CAROL: Oh, down there on the right. BARBARA: Right, we'll find it. DOCTOR: Tell me, have either of you ever met any of these creatures or seen them? (There is a tense silence.) CAROL: John has. IAN: Ah, he's the other member of your crew, isn't he? MAITLAND: Yes, our mineralogist. DOCTOR: I'd like to have a talk with him. MAITLAND: I'm afraid that's out of the question. DOCTOR: Oh? Why not? (Maitland and Carol glance at each other.) MAITLAND: I'd rather not talk about it. (Susan and Barbara walk straight past a hatch labelled 'water' without noticing and up to one of the closed circular doors.) BARBARA: I suppose she meant through that door. Let's try it. SUSAN: I can't see any handle on the door. Try this. (She pulls a lever next to the door.) SUSAN: That doesn't work. (She sees a sensor embedded in the wall and waves her hand over it. The door slides up.) SUSAN: That's funny! Oh I see, it's the ray, I must have broken the connection. BARBARA: Let's get that water, I'm dying of thirst. SUSAN: Yes, so am I. (They step through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 4. STARBOARD CORRIDOR (The corridor is built in the same dull grey style as the rest of the ship and completely featureless. Barbara stares doubtfully down it.) BARBARA: Well down here on the right, she said. (Susan shrugs and they continue. For a while nothing happens then a hand - human this time - waves over a sensor on this side of the door. The owner of it comes into view. He is a man dressed in the same uniform as Maitland and Carol. He is John, the third member of the crew. Zombie-like, he stumbles down the corridor after Susan and Barbara.) [SCENE_BREAK] 5. ROOM (They enter a small room with some controls in it and look around.) BARBARA: I don't think we should stay in here long. (Susan picks up a book and begins leafing through it.) SUSAN: Hey, this is bliss! BARBARA: I wonder where that water is? SUSAN: I don't know. (Barbara hears something.) BARBARA: Shh. (Susan looks up.) BARBARA: Listen. (They hear the sounds of John shuffling towards them.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6. CONTROL ROOM (The others are still talking.) IAN: But don't you see? John may be able to give us some valuable information. CAROL: I told you, you can't see him! DOCTOR: You're both being rather secretive. (Neither Maitland or Carol reply.) IAN: Where are the others? (Maitland and Carol both jump up in alarm and run to the door. Maitland desperately attempts to open it but the sensor will not work.) MAITLAND: We should have warned them! IAN: What is it? What's wrong? CAROL: The door's been locked from the outside. Quickly, they're in danger, we must get in from the other end! (Ian, Maitland and Carol rush to the other door. Maitland succeeds in opening with the sensor this time and they go through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7. PORT CORRIDOR (They rush through an identical corridor.) MAITLAND: This way! (He waves his hand over the sensor of another, more conventional-looking door in the wall.) MAITLAND: This is the other way through. (It does not move.) CAROL: Oh, it's no use. The ray's been jammed on the other side! MAITLAND: I'm sorry, Ian, there's nothing we can do. IAN: But what is it? What's wrong? What's going on inside there? MAITLAND: It's no use, no use. (Ian pulls him out of the way and begins to hammer on the door.) IAN: Barbara! Susan! CAROL: No! No, please! (They attempt to pull him away.) IAN: Are there Sensorites in there? [SCENE_BREAK] 8. ROOM (Barbara and Susan back away as John stumbles towards them. He leans out towards Susan but they move away and he falls against a cupboard unit in the corner. Barbara and Susan slip away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9. STARBOARD CORRIDOR (They run back towards the door to the control room but neither the sensor nor their physical efforts will move it. Realising it is futile, Barbara steps protectively in front of Susan and leads her back up the corridor. They open another door and dart through.) [SCENE_BREAK] 10. ROOM (This room is much smaller and contains a single cupboard. They attempt to move it into the doorway but it will not budge. They see John coming up to the doorway and hide behind it. He enters but instead of looking for them he clutches his head in pain and whimpers. After a while he goes out again.) [SCENE_BREAK] 11. CONTROL ROOM CAROL: We must find out about John. MAITLAND: We've been over this a hundred times before, Carol. CAROL: But the other times were different! The Sensorites made our decisions for us. MAITLAND: As far as we know, they still do! CAROL: But the Doctor and the others showed us we can resist them. We can! It's only fear that makes us weak, that's all. MAITLAND: That may be so, but we mustn't go in there, Carol, it's too dangerous. CAROL: What you really mean is I mustn't go in there. You're afraid for me, aren't you? MAITLAND: I know what John means to you. CAROL: (Sadly.) Last time I saw him he didn't even know my name. I must see him, I must find out! Besides, there are the girls. MAITLAND: All right. IAN: Maitland, you must get that door open. MAITLAND: I'll have to cut round the lock. IAN: All right, well get on with it. MAITLAND: I'll get the machinery out. (He goes off.) IAN: Carol, tell me, what is it that you're both afraid of? CAROL: John's in there, with your friends. He and I were going to get married when we got back to the Earth. The Sensorites attacked him far more than Captain Maitland and me. I had to sit there helplessly and watch him get worse and worse. IAN: You mean they've taken over his mind? CAROL: Yes. IAN: What's it done to him? (Carol just sobs.) IAN: Carol, you've got to tell me. CAROL: He'll be frightened of strangers. He, he may become violent. [SCENE_BREAK] 12. ROOM (Barbara motions for Susan to be quiet and she moves towards the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13. STARBOARD CORRIDOR (She peers out and sees John leaning against the wall to the right, his head lolling. She and Susan edge along the wall in the other direction but John sees them and begins to stumble after them. They hammer on one of the doors but it remains shut. John approaches but as he gets near he clutches his head again and sinks to his knees and sobs.) SUSAN: He's crying! (John looks imploringly up at them.) JOHN: Why? (to Barbara) You look like my sister. Have you come to help me? (Barbara reaches out to him but Susan holds her arms back.) JOHN: Four years... BARBARA: Are you one of the crew of this spaceship? (John nods.) BARBARA: Are you trying to tell me something? (John nods.) BARBARA: About yourself? (John nods.) SUSAN: Is he, is he trying to say he's ill? JOHN: Yes. Yes. (They kneel down beside him.) BARBARA: Don't be afraid. We'll take care of you. SUSAN: What do you think happened to him, Barbara? (Barbara shakes her head.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14. CONTROL ROOM (Maitland is cutting the left-hand door with a small drill, watched by the Doctor, Ian and Carol.) IAN: Where does the power come from? MAITLAND: Electro-magnetics. We should be through to the locks at any minute. IAN: (To Carol.) You say you haven't seen John for months? CAROL: He was dangerous once the Sensorites had got at his brain. DOCTOR: (To Maitland.) Can't you go faster? Susan's in there! MAITLAND: It won't be long, now. (A shrill, piercing noise begins to pervade the room. Maitland pauses.) DOCTOR: Now what is it? Get on with the job, please! MAITLAND: Listen. Don't you hear it? I thought there was something else. IAN: You mean that high-pitched whine? Is that it? MAITLAND: Sensorites! CAROL: They must be near! That noise is caused by the machines that carry them through space. MAITLAND: Carol, get back to your intruments. (Carol runs back to her seat.) MAITLAND: Doctor, will you take the controller seat? DOCTOR: Anything but this awful waiting! (The Doctor takes Maitland's seat.) IAN: But what about Barbara and Susan? MAITLAND: No time now! (Maitland and Ian go over to the control area. The screen still shows only stars.) MAITLAND: Look for glowing lights on the move about the ship. IAN: Well how will they attack us? MAITLAND: They won't, not in the mormal way. IAN: But then how can we defend ourselves? MAITLAND: You'll find out soon enough. Look out there. (They look to the screen. After a while to white dots, slightly larger than the stars edge onto the view and begin to move across the screen.) MAITLAND: There they are! See them moving? IAN: Yes, but they look miles away. MAITLAND: It won't take them long to get here. IAN: How long do you think it'll take them, Doctor? DOCTOR: I don't know. They must have made the journey before. They were here, remember? They took away the lock mechanism to my ship. IAN: Yes, and probably took it back to their own planet. DOCTOR: And now they're coming back, but with what orders? To take over our minds, mm? Or to killl us? [SCENE_BREAK] 15. STARBOARD CORRIDOR (Susan, Barbara and John hear the noise.) BARBARA: Do you hear that? SUSAN: It's as if it's coming from outside. (John stumbles to his feet and stands in front of Susan and Barbara.) BARBARA: No. You need rest. There's nothing wrong. JOHN: I'll protect you. BARBARA: Yes, all right. You protect us. [SCENE_BREAK] 16. CONTROL ROOM IAN: Would it be a good idea to move? MAITLAND: Where to? We already know we can't leave this area of space. IAN: All the same... MAITLAND: Anyway, we're not going to be destroyed. Had the Sensorites intended that they would have done it long ago. IAN: Well if that collision course was their idea of a joke, I'd hate to be one of their enemies. CAROL: (Bitterly.) They wouldn't really try to crash us. They just keep on playing this game of nerves. DOCTOR: Shh. What's that noise? MAITLAND: Yes. We always hear that. CAROL: Interference now on all our scans. MAITLAND: Now remember all of you; no violence unless the Sensorites start it first. IAN: Why no violence? Surely we've got the right to defend ourselves. DOCTOR: My dear Chesterton, it is the mind they take over, so we must assume that the brain is all important. Now let the intelligence be our only defence and attack! CAROL: I can sense them all around us now. MAITLAND: Shh. (There is silence. Maitland and Carol appear to be frozen in position. Ian wanders back to the screen. He looks at it and his eyes widen.) IAN: Doctor! (A bulbous head with enormous black eyes and a hairy, cat-like face moves up into view. It appears to be looking in on them all. The Sensorites have arrived...)

The Doctor, Ian, Barbara and Susan arrive in the TARDIS on board aspaceship. Their initial concern is for the ship's human crew, who are suffering from telepathic interference from the Sensorites, but Susan communicates with the Sensorites and finds the aliens fear an attack by the humans and are just defending themselves. Travelling to the Sense Sphere (the Sensorites' planet) the Doctor seeks to cure an illness to which the Sensorites and Ian have succumbed, but finds it has been caused by deliberate poisoning. The political manoeuvring of the Sensorite City Administrator poses another threat to the TARDIS crew as he seeks to discredit and implicate them.

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fd_Doctor_Who_1963_23x05_0

THE TRIAL OF A TIME LORD PART FIVE (MINDWARP) Run time: 24:42 [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: Members of the court, we have just witnessed a typical glorious escapade of the Doctor. The Doctor: Madam! I ask that the court protect me from the abuse of the Brickyard here. Valeyard: How pathetic and juvenile are your attempts at humour. Inquisitor: Gentlemen, may I remind you this is a court of law, not a debating society for maladjusted, psychotic sociopaths. You will both conduct yourselves in an orderly manner and show proper respect for the judicial procedure. I hope I make myself very clear. Inquisitor: And Doctor, the prosecuting counsel's title is the Valeyard. Not the brickyard, backyard, knacker's yard or any other kind of yard. Again, do I make myself clear? The Doctor: Piercingly and irrefutably so, madam. Inquisitor: Proceed. Valeyard: As I was saying, we have just witnessed a sequence in the Doctor's history which illustrated perfectly his almost gleeful pleasure in interfering in the development of alien life forms. The Doctor: I object! Inquisitor: Sit down and shut up! Valeyard: Thank you, Sagacity. The Doctor: Sagacity? You sycophant. Since when has that been a form of address used in a Gallifreyan court of law? Valeyard: I am simply showing respect to our learned Inquisitor. Inquisitor: An attitude I much approve. The Doctor: Well, you would, wouldn't you? Sagacity, indeed. Inquisitor: Doctor! Continue. Valeyard: I should now like to present the Doctor's next frightening adventure. In fact, the one in which he was engaged when removed from time and brought to this court. Inquisitor: Doctor? The Doctor: What about the box? Inquisitor: The box? The Doctor: And the fact that Earth was two light years away from its original position? Valeyard: That is not relevant to this segment of evidence. The Doctor: It was relevant enough to be bleeped from the Matrix record. Inquisitor: The Valeyard is quite right. That is a matter for the High Council to adjudicate upon. It is not the business of this trial. Valeyard: If we may see from the Doctor's arrival on the planet Thoros Beta. Twenty fourth century, last quarter, fourth year, seventh month, third day. [SCENE_BREAK] Thoros Beta [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Whoa, far out. Are you quite sure this is the planet you aimed for? The Doctor: Mmm hmm. Fancy a swim? Peri: In that goo? No thanks. The Doctor: It's a pretty colour. Peri: It's certainly an amazing one. For a sea, that is. Is that this planet's moon? The Doctor: No, that's its twin planet, Thoros Alpha. Come along, then. Peri: I'll just fetch my galoshes. The Doctor: Oh, so much fuss over a little water. Peri: No, but pink water. The Doctor: Are you frightened it might clash with what you're wearing? Peri: No, I'm more concerned I might clash with what lives in it. The Doctor: Oh, you aren't going to come to any harm. It's quite safe. The Doctor: As long as you don't hang about. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Are you really offering this inconsequential silliness as evidence? Inquisitor: The Doctor has a point. Surely we could join this segment at a more relevant place? Valeyard: My apologies for wasting the court's time, Sagacity. [SCENE_BREAK] Thoros Beta [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: I can't get over how weird this place is. The Doctor: Hmm? Yes, I suppose it is. Peri: Difficult to believe there's any industry here. The Doctor: Yet this was manufactured here, somewhere. The Doctor: It appears to be multi-functional. Varying fields of energy projection. Quite advanced. Peri: Doctor! The Doctor: It's more advanced than I thought. It seems it can liquefy as well as stun. Peri: Are you sure that thing was made here? The Doctor: Peri, a Warlord of Thordon wouldn't use his dying words to lie to us. Remember what he said? Thoros Beta, send more beams that kill. Peri: Beams that kill wasn't the only thing he had on his mind. Dirty old Warlord. Glad we left that place when we did. The Doctor: The thing is, how did a bunch of skull-crackers like the Warlords come to own such a device? Peri: Does it really matter how they blow each other to bits? The Doctor: Matter? Of course it matters. An advanced culture manipulating the destinies of a less developed civilisation? If that's what's going on here, it's got to be stopped. Peri: By us? The Doctor: Who else is there? Valeyard (O.C.): Who else is there? [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: Your very words condemn you, Doctor, show your arrogance. The Doctor: Sorry? Valeyard: You feel only you have the right to meddle. Anyone else with that ambition, according to you, should be stopped. The Doctor: Well, you'll soon discover I made the right decision. [SCENE_BREAK] Thoros Beta [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: You know, I've never seen a tide go out so quickly. Do you think it's to do with that? The Doctor: I shouldn't think so. There must be some sort of mechanical tide control. The Doctor: Ah ha! [SCENE_BREAK] Cave mouth [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: And I wouldn't be at all surprised if it was housed in here. Peri: Well, why would they want to control the tide? The Doctor: Well, er, why not? Come on. [SCENE_BREAK] Cave [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Do you think this wise, Doctor? The Doctor: My dear girl, if I stopped to question the wisdom of my actions, I'd never have left Gallifrey. Peri: Sometimes I wish you hadn't. The Doctor: Oh? Peri: Doctor, look. [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: Another death, Doctor? The Doctor: The CD phaser discharged accidentally. Rerun the struggle, see for yourselves. Valeyard: No need. There are clearer examples of your guilt to come. [SCENE_BREAK] Cave [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: Why did it attack us? The Doctor: I don't know. The Doctor: Perhaps it was because of that. Peri: Look, Doctor, I know how you hate me stating the obvious, but don't you think we should get away from here? Peri: That klaxon's bound to attract someone's attention. The Doctor: Mmm, yeah. Just a moment, this is incredible. Such sophistication. Peri: Well, what is it? The Doctor: As I suspected, a device for extracting energy from the sea. Something your planet had the technology to do long before its fossil fuels ran out, but they didn't bother. This is just an auxiliary console, though. The main control room must be somewhere else. Peri: That thing must have been brighter than it looked. The Doctor: Oh, I doubt if that could even tie its own shoelaces. It may have operated this console, but it certainly didn't build it. Peri: Oh, dear. The Doctor: Yes. Oh, dear. Frax: Murderers. Peri: That thing attacked us. Frax: The Raak was not programmed to attack. You must have threatened him. Fetch a stretcher. The Doctor: All we did was land here. Frax: Where is your submersible? The Doctor: Further along the shore. Frax: You are part of Crozier's new group? The Doctor: Oh yes, yes, of course. Absolutely. Frax: There will have to be an enquiry about this death. The Doctor: We will help in any way we can. Frax: The Raak was proud of his upgrading. Happy to be in service to the Mentors. The Doctor: I'm sure he was. It's a pity he lost his head and decided to attack us. Peri: It was an accident. Frax: Take him to the dissection lab. There must have been a regression. They'll want to know why. You will come with us. We will take you to Crozier's laboratory. When he has verified your identities, you will be released. The Doctor: Oh, absolutely. Security is very important. Frax: Glad you agree. The Doctor: Yeah. Frax: Er, if you don't mind. The Doctor: Oh, of course. Can't be too careful. Yes, very good. Absolutely right. [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Crozier: Let us pacify the brain of this barbarian. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Frax: You must wait. Crozier cannot be disturbed. Peri: Oh, what a pity, huh? The Doctor: Yes, can't wait to see good old Crozier. Frax: Old? He is young for a man of science. Perhaps you should describe Crozier for me. The Doctor: Crozier. Well, er, young. Ish. Er, look, shouldn't we attend to the Raak first? Frax: Why? He is dead. The Doctor: Well, I think it just winked at Peri. Peri: Oh, cheek. The Doctor: No accounting for alien taste. Frax: He is dead. The Doctor: Not necessarily. Look, may I examine him? You can trust me, I am a doctor. Frax: Like Crozier? The Doctor: Yes, just like young Crozier. Nurse, could you prepare to apply the, er, skedaddle test? Peri: Are you sure that's wise? The Doctor: Come round here. I think the alternative could be much worse. Hold that, will you? Right, ready to apply the test, Sister? Peri: More than ready, Doctor. The Doctor: On the count of three, then. One, two, three. Frax: Let them go. There's nothing down there, only the Lukoser. We'll wait here for a minute and then pick up their bodies. [SCENE_BREAK] Tunnel [SCENE_BREAK] Peri: What's that? The Doctor: Bone. From some animal I don't recognise. Snapped off? Sharp, jagged edges? Peri: Doctor, let's go back to the TARDIS, huh? Peri: What's that? The Doctor: Indeed. Peri: Doctor, there. The Doctor: It's a man. Peri: Alone. Oh, Doctor, he's chained. Peri: Are you okay? The Doctor: Yes. Yes, I am now. It also explains how the tooth marks come to be on this. Peri: What is he? The Doctor: Looks like a man, acts like a wolf. Lycanthropy? Peri: But how? Good boy, nice dog. Nice man. Can you help us? We're wondering if you... The Doctor: Be careful! Dorf: Help me. Peri: Doctor, he's crying. Dorf: Help me. The Doctor: No one following. Yet, that is. Peri: We must go back. He asked for help. The Doctor: Not yet. Peri: He said, help me. Oh, Doctor, what's going on here? Sea monsters upgraded to operate machinery, a wolf-man who begged for help. The Doctor: Let's find out. The Doctor: Not yet. I have a feeling there are more important considerations first. Peri: Who could keep a creature in such torment? The Doctor: Who indeed. Someone's coming. Peri: Did you? The Doctor: I did. Well, that explains the CD phaser sales to Thordon. Sil'd sell anything from bows and arrows to planet disintegrators. Peri: Why is he here? And those others like him? The Doctor: They live here. Thoros Beta's Sil's home planet. Didn't you know? Peri: Only because you didn't tell me, Doctor. The Doctor: Didn't I? Peri: You know I'd never want to come within light years of that creep again. Last time he tried to turn me into a bird woman. The Doctor: How could I forget? It cost me a fortune in bird seed. Peri: I want out, and I mean it. The Doctor: Come on, mustn't lose track of your friend Sil. [SCENE_BREAK] Courtyard [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: Do you relish danger, Doctor? The Doctor: Not particularly. Valeyard: Yet you seem to court it so obviously. The Doctor: Well, even a nervous Time Lord must appear to act with competence at all times. Valeyard: At the risk of his companion's life? The Doctor: And his own sometimes. Valeyard: Already the unfortunate Peri has survived a struggle with the Raak, escaped from the guards. And who, Doctor, was sent to examine the wolf-man? The Doctor: Well... Valeyard: Who went into danger first? The Doctor: Well, she just happened to be the nearest. Valeyard: Your assistant, as usual. Sagacity, I have calculated on a random Matrix sample that the Doctor's companions have been placed in danger twice as often as the Doctor. The Doctor: Well, there have been many companions, but only one me. Inquisitor: What is the point you're attempting to make, Valeyard? Valeyard: That you remember such information when judgement is considered on taking the Doctor's life and all future regenerations. Inquisitor: It is noted. The Doctor: This is the most ridiculous, preposterous, travesty of a trial since the so-called witches of Enderhive. Inquisitor: Doctor! You have been warned about your behaviour. Let us proceed. [SCENE_BREAK] Commerce room [SCENE_BREAK] Kiv: Must you bring your lunch in here? Sil: I do not wish to miss a moment of your infinite capacity to generate profit for Thoros Beta, Magnificence. Marsh minnow, Magnificence? Kiv: This Thordon world. The Krontep warriors have succeeded in subduing the massed hordes of the Tonkonp Empire. We must negotiate with the Krontep king. Usual contracts, development loans, some limited scientific advance. What is the position regarding King Yrcanos? Sil: He is still being persuaded by Crozier to cooperate happily. I think that is the word. [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] Yrcanos: Blood. Death. Terror. Kill! Crozier: Increase the PULD pulse immediately. Yrcanos: Groan. Die. Matrona: Why is the pacification not working? Crozier: It will. I'll add a few more mills of power. Crozier: Yrcanos is a barbarian king. He knows only one thing, how to fight, therefore he is fighting our attempts to give him peace and tranquillity. Yrcanos: Scum. Crozier: The more stupid the subject, the longer it takes. Now, Matrona, the ganglions, as you noticed, have not recovered from the lesions. Matrona: Yes, but why detach both junctions of the lutein... Crozier: You are forbidden! What happened? An accident? Frax: No, sir. Murder. [SCENE_BREAK] Commerce room [SCENE_BREAK] Kiv: In the event of a major discovery, their lease from the Thordonians will be for thirty years at a royalty rate of forty percent to us. Kiv: That should keep you in marsh minnows for a while, Sil. Sil: How lovely, Magnificence. [SCENE_BREAK] Outside the Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: They weren't hanging about. Peri: Neither did they look very pleased. The Doctor: Well, perhaps they've had some bad news. Hmm. Peri: Doctor! [SCENE_BREAK] Trial room [SCENE_BREAK] Valeyard: If I might beg the court's indulgence. Inquisitor: Valeyard. Valeyard: Sagacity, may I be so bold as to suggest that we have already seen enough? The Doctor: Oh, I second that. I've already seen quite enough of Sil, thank you. Valeyard: We have now seen many examples of the Doctor's interference. We have heard the many requests from the Doctor's companion to withdraw from the situations we have witnessed, yet constantly, blatantly, they have been ignored. The Doctor: Minor errors of judgement, nothing more. Inquisitor: Valeyard, you have asked for the death penalty. That is now a matter of record. Whereas I do not concur with the prisoner when he interrupts with the statement that his offences are minor, you will have to provide this court with far more positive evidence of his guilt if you wish me to take your plea seriously. The Doctor: Indeed. And my conscience is absolutely clear when I say that he will be unable to provide such evidence. So, can we please get back to discussing why Earth was two light years away from its original position, and what was in the box that Sabalom Glitz was so interested in? Inquisitor: Be silent. Valeyard: It is simply in my mind not to waste the court's time with endless repetitions of what we have already seen. Inquisitor: Let me be the judge of that, Valeyard. Valeyard: Sagacity. The Doctor: My lady, it is as clear as the warts on an Edarg's face that the Valeyard has lost his nerve. He keeps saying that he has the most damning evidence, but where is it? I suggest to you, my lady, that this evidence does not exist. Whereas the fact that Earth was two light years away from its original position is incontrovertible. Inquisitor: Sit down and shut up! Although I deplore the Doctor's constant interruptions, I must again concur that he has a point. If you want the Doctor's head, Valeyard, you must work for it. Let us proceed. [SCENE_BREAK] Commerce room [SCENE_BREAK] Kiv: What is next on the agenda? Ah! Ah! Oh, my head! Sil: It will soon pass. Kiv: The pressure gets worse each time. Something must be done, or soon you will be called Magnificence. Sil: Long may that day be postponed, great Kiv. Sil: You must not enter sacred Commerce room while profit is in progress. Crozier: There's trouble. Sil: Concerning what? Crozier: My hopes of saving him. Sil: Show more respect to the Magnificence. Kiv: What has happened? Crozier: The Raak is dead, killed by intruders. Frax: They claimed he attacked them. Sil: Then manufacture another one. Crozier: That's not easily done, nor is it the point of my concern. Matrona: The Raak was not aggressive. Sil: So? Crozier: If the Raak, unprovoked, did attack, then he might revert genetically. Until I know, until I can question the strangers in detail, I cannot guarantee the success of your transference, my lord. Kiv: You must relieve my suffering! Matrona: We have hopes the radical treatment will succeed this time, my lord. Sil: So much depends on the life of Lord Kiv. The making of mega-wealth, the funding for your work. Crozier: I must know that success will be certain. Kiv: You said that last time. Sil: Where are these strangers? Frax: Escaped. I've sent every bearer and guard searching after them. Kiv: I trust this is not an excuse for delay, Mister Crozier? You know if the experiment on my person is unsuccessful, you will die. Crozier: I accept that. Kiv: Take charge, Sil. I will be dead as that Raak if I wait for them to find the intruders. At once! Before I perish! Then where will you be, eh? Dead. No, worse than that. Poor. Oh, oh, oh, my head! [SCENE_BREAK] Operating room [SCENE_BREAK] The Doctor: Hmm. Yuk. Peri: Urgh. Yrcanos: Help. Peri: He's alive! The Doctor: Not necessarily. Hmm. Ah ha. Peri: What is it? The Doctor: A brain impulse there. Oh, I see. Well, we can't have that. Peri: Doctor. The Doctor: Ah. How nice to see a familiar face again. Sil: Doctor and, ah yes, your revoltingly ugly assistant. Age has not improved you since Varos. Peri: From you that's a compliment. The Doctor: What can we do for you, Sil? Sil: Tell us why you had to kill our most promising experiment. Crozier: The Raak. The Doctor: It attacked us. Crozier: I doubt that very much. Sil: Doctor, we have the means to instill cooperation. There's the technology to alter how brains think. Would you like to try the helmet on for size? The Doctor: Not just now, thanks. Sil: But I insist, Doctor. Our warrior king must have completed his advancement cycle. You must replace him so we may coax the truth from your devious brain. The Doctor: I am sufficiently advanced already. Sil: Silence! Or you will be obliterated. Sil: Now, the Raak didn't attack you, did he. The Doctor: Yes, it did. Sil: Can you use the helmet to extract the truth of what happened? Crozier: I've never tried. It could be fatal, used as a means of interrogation. Sil: The Doctor won't mind donating his sanity to the advancement of science, will you, Doctor?

After arguments, the Inquisitor warns both the Doctor and the Valeyard, reminding them that they are in judicial proceedings and to behave. The Valeyard then presents evidence relating to the Doctor landing his TARDIS on the planet Thoros Beta where the Doctor and Peri flee in order to avoid being accused of a crime they did not commit. In the process they arrive at a experimental laboratory where they rescue King Yrcanos.

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x17

fd_CSI__Crime_Scene_Investigation_02x17_0

[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE (STOCK) - NIGHT] Cue Sound: MONKS CHANTING [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL -- NIGHT] (Camera pans the room to show a group of Buddhist Monks praying and chanting. Their eyes are closed. The camera slowly moves toward the monk in the middle facing the large golden Buddha statute.) (He raises his head and opens his eyes.) (Someone raises a rifle and cocks the trigger. He fires.) (Blood spatters onto the lit candle in front of him. The monk falls backward to the floor, blood seeping from the bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.) FLASH TO WHITE: [EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE (STOCK) - NIGHT] CUE: THREE MORE GUNSHOTS IN SUCCESSION SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - FRONT WALK -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM and SARA walk toward the front of the temple. NICK is walking down the temple stairs to meet them.) Grissom: "Wherever you live is your temple, if you treat it like one." Sara: State your source. Grissom: Buddha. (They meet up with NICK.) Nick: Paramedics just pronounced. Four dead, no witnesses. Coroner's on his way. Guy in the robe flagged down an officer. Grissom: "Guy in the robe" is a monk, Nick. Nick: Yeah? Well ... (NICK glances back at the lone monk dressed in orange robes standing on the stairs in front of the temple. He turns back to GRISSOM and SARA.) Nick: He's a quiet monk. Non-native, from Thailand. (They head for the temple.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM and SARA push the curtain aside and they all view the crime scene.) Sara: Rug's low pile, smooth. I'll try to dust-lift. Grissom: (nods slightly) Okay. Let's hug the walls. (SARA nods.) (They enter the room ) (Grissom shines his flashlight on the monks and sighs.) Grissom: Gunshot to the head. Times four. Sara: Gold statues ... money trees ... that's a lot of loot to leave behind. Grissom: This wasn't a robbery. This was a hit. (They continue to survey the room. NICK leans down and examines the bodies. GRISSOM finds a symbol scratched into the wall.) Grissom: Five years ago, West Vegas ... German tourist took a wrong turn, ended up dead. This "placa" was sprayed across the windshield of their rental car. It's the Snakebacks. Sara: Gangbangers? At a Buddhist Temple? Nick: Stippling around entry. (GRISSOM and SARA turn around to look at NICK.) Nick: Close range. Looks like they were shot one at a time. How do you get one vic -- let alone four-- to sit still while you put a bullet between their eyes? Grissom: They were praying. Nick: Yeah, for mercy. Grissom: For whoever was shooting them. HARD CUT TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE -- NIGHT] (GRISSOM examines the garden out back. As he looks around, he finds the discarded rifle.) (Nearby, SGT. O'RILEY is questioning ANANDA, the lone monk.) Sgt. O'Riley: What can you tell me about the victims? Ananda: We came from Thailand to share Buddhism here in Nevada. Sgt. O'Riley: But you didn't share the last couple hours together. Where were you? Ananda: I was at the bank. We're raising money to build a school. I was making a deposit. Sgt. O'Riley: Where are the other monks? Ananda: On a retreat. They come back tomorrow. Grissom: May I ask a question? This is a high-crime area. Have you had any problems here before? Like break-ins or burglaries? Ananda: The past ... is in the past. Grissom: True. But sometimes, it leaves its fingerprints on the future. (GRISSOM pulls out the rifle he found from the bag he's holding to show it to ANANDA.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BAR -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE walks into a bar to talk with her former mentor, JIMMY TADERO. She smiles at the man sitting at the bar as she passes him.) Catherine: (pats him on his shoulder) Aren't you on duty? (She reaches JIMMY TADERO. He stands to meet her.) Jimmy Tadero: Hey. Catherine: Hey. Jimmy Tadero: How you doing, kiddo? (They give each other a warm hug.) Catherine: Okay. How are you. Jimmy Tadero: Fine. Sit. (CATHERINE sits. She signals the bartender for a drink.) Catherine: Whew. Attitude adjustment? Jimmy Tadero: For the wife. Says she can't face me without it. Catherine: Ah. How is Mrs. Tadero? Jimmy Tadero: Counting the days till I retire. Nice job on the Logan case. Catherine: Oh. Jimmy Tadero: Hoo-hoo! Wild ride! Catherine: Mm-hmm. Jimmy Tadero: You did good. Catherine: Yeah? Jimmy Tadero: Yeah. Catherine: Well ... I had a good teacher. (They each take a sip of their drink.) Catherine: So, did you see it? The confession? Jimmy Tadero: On tv, yeah. Catherine: And what do you think? Jimmy Tadero: I always regretted the jury didn't give him the chair but I'll take cancer, long as he's gone. (Quick flashback to: [ON TELEVISION] MARK/DWIGHT KELSO is in the hospital bed with a nasal cannula on. The caption on the bottom of the television screen reads: Prison Hospital / MARK KELSO.) Mark/Dwight Kelso: (raspy) I've made a lot of mistakes. I killed that guy in Reno. But I did not kill Stephanie Watson. (gasping breath) God is my witness, I did not kill her. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jimmy Tadero: Deathbed denial. Negotiate with god for a better seat in hell. Catherine: What if Kelso didn't kill Stephanie? Jimmy Tadero: I looked him in the eyes fifteen years ago. He did it. (Quick flashback to: STEPHANIE WATSON walks down the back stairs to the alley. MARK/DWIGHT KELSO walks up to her and grabs her from behind. He takes the knife and stabs her in the abdomen with it. She screams. He drops the knife and runs away.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: What if he didn't? I mean ... Jimmy Tadero: Witnesses saw him bothering her in the club that night. Uniform picks him up a block from the alley. Knife cut on his hand. Come on, Cath! Catherine: (sighs) Well ... maybe I'm just afraid that if I accept that he killed her that it's over, and Stephanie's really dead. (She hangs her head down.) Catherine: (mutters) I ... I don't know. (JIMMY TADERO puts his hand over CATHERINE'S on the bar.) Jimmy Tadero: What never lies? (CATHERINE sighs.) Catherine: The evidence. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE ROOM -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE and WARRICK search through the darkened evidence room.) Catherine: The statute says that once the convicted party is executed or dies, the evidence can be destroyed. I-it's not here. Warrick: Relax. They said it'd be here. Catherine: Yeah, well, people make mistakes. Warrick: Well, that's why we have computer tracking. Fourteen ... it was fifteen, right? Catherine: Yeah. Fifteen ... (WARRICK finds the box.) Warrick: Stephanie Watson, right? Catherine: Yeah. (WARRICK pulls the box down. They look at it.) Catherine: Yeah, that's it. SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - EVIDENCE ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The contents of the evidence box are out on the table. CATHERINE and WARRICK go through the old evidence.) Catherine: This was my old life. Warrick: Yeah? We all have a past, huh? (CATHERINE picks up an old crime scene photo. The label reads: WATSON, STEPHANIE CASE #2548713 MARCH 9, 1987 ] Catherine: (sighs) Stephanie was my best friend. (Quick flashback to: At the club, the night of the murder, STEPHANIE WATSON meets up with CATHERINE backstage.) Stephanie Watson: Hey, we still on for tonight? Catherine: (smiles apologetically) I got a gig. I promised him I'd be there. Forgive me? Stephanie Watson: Just this once. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: I never saw her again. Warrick: What exactly are we looking for? Catherine: (sighs) Peace of mind that they got the killer. (WARRICK picks up the bloodied knife and holds it out to CATHERINE.) Warrick: Well, I'd start with this. (CATHERINE stares at the knife.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - HALLWAY -- NIGHT] (O'RILEY interviews DAVID SUDDAHARA, the cook.) David Suddahara: Forgive me. English is my second language. O'Riley: I understand you fine. So, you're the part-time cook here? (DAVID SUDDAHARA nods.) How many days a week do you work at the temple? David Suddahara: Three. O'Riley: You have a key? David Suddahara: No need. The door is always open. I told the monks. O'Riley: Too trusting. In this neighborhood, yeah. They ever have any problems with gangs? David Suddahara: Couple months ago I saw spray paints on the back wall. Gang signs. I wanted to file a police report, but Ananda ... told me not to. O'Riley: Why not? David Suddahara: I told you. O'Riley: "Monks are too trusting." [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (SARA takes a print off of the carpet.) (Quick CGI to under the roller and the sheet to show between the sheet and the flat carpet and the electricity that's being generated. End of quick CGI.) (SARA get the tape and uses the tape to mark where the sheet has been used on the carpet. She lifts it up carefully and sees the shoe print. She thinks about it for a moment, the flips the sheet back over.) (Short time cut to: The camera slowly "walks" along the carpet to show the blocked area of masking tape markers of where SARA has already tested for shoe prints. We see evidence marker #1 where a print has been found. Several tape marker blocks up, we find evidence marker #2, evidence marker #3 and evidence marker #4.) (Sara is examining the first of four cushions the monks were found on. She finds a stray bullet cartridge.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (NICK looks around and finds the Madonna, "Ray of Light", CD next to the portable CD player. He puts it back. He picks up another item, shakes his head then moves along.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (SARA examines the Buddha statute in the room. She looks at the blood spatter on the unlit candle. She examines one of the smaller Buddha statues and finds something.) (Camera zooms in to the black thing stuck to the statue.) (SARA picks up the statue. She looks up at the other statue and sees a wad of gum stuck the Buddha's forehead. She removes the soft gum.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (NICK goes through the desk drawer where he finds a magazine, "Naughty Not Nice" BIG BODACIOUS BADES.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - FRONT STAIRS -- NIGHT] (NICK and SARA sit on the stairs out front. NICK holds out the bagged magazine in front of him.) Nick: Interesting reading for a man of the cloth. That monk had it in the bottom of his desk drawer. (He puts it aside.) And he was the guy handling the money. You hide one thing from your brothers, then maybe he was hiding more. Sara: Yeah, but just 'cause you're stashing trash doesn't make you a killer. Nick: Yeah, I'm just ... talking it out, Sara. What'd you find? Sara: I found some boot prints on the prayer room rug. Monks don't wear boots, right, Nick? Nick: No, no, or read p0rn or commit murder. Sara: I also found a smudge with some trace material on a small statue. It was a partial, some ridge detail, but not make-able and a wad of gum that was stuck to the big Buddha. All of which is definitely pointing to an outside job. Nick: Hey, whatever. Outside, inside. Why shoot four people, then leave the murder weapon behind the temple where even a blind man could find it? (afterthought) And I hate taking off my shoes. (SARA smiles. NICK stands up and walks down the rest of the stairs carrying his bagged magazine. SARA puts the sample back into her kit.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - FORENSIC PATHOLOGY -- NIGHT] (ROBBINS goes over the four autopsies with GRISSOM.) Robbins: All were shot in the third eye, the sixth chakra, vortex of consciousness. I was a gray's anatomy man, until I lost my legs. I started getting phantom pains no drug or exercise could control. I began studying the chakras. Grissom: Well, I do know that the seven chakras correspond to the body's seven energy centers. Robbins: Each has a color and a vibration. (Standing next to one of the bodies, ROBBINS points to the part of the monk's body he's referencing. Quick CGI colors the area with a burst of the image of the Chakra.) Robbins: Muladhara, the root chakra, keeps us in the physical world. Svadisthana, seat of sexual energy. Manipura, melting pot of spiritual and earthly desires. Anahata, the loving heart. Visuddha, where feelings are given expression. Ajna, the third eye. Saharsrara, the crown connecting the mortal human to the timeless universe. Grissom: Let's go back to the third eye. Robbins: Ajna, the hub of higher consciousness. Grissom: If someone were threatened by that consciousness, that would be a logical target, yeah? Robbins: Hmm, there's a very good chance your killer's a Buddhist. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG SANDERS goes over the blood evidence from the knife with CATHERINE.) Greg Sanders: Now, this is where Ecklie swabbed the blood sample from the blade fifteen years ago. It's your friend's, Stephanie Watson. And we got the second sample from the handle end. Perfect match to Dwight Kelso, the guy convicted for Stephanie's murder. (Close up of the evidence bag reads: Place Handling Labels Here Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department EVIDENCE DATE PREPARED: 3/9/87 TIME PREPARED: 23:15 EVENT #: 2543... [X] RECOVERED SUSPECT: DWIGHT KELSO ALLEY BEHIND STRIP Officer's: CE ] (CATHERINE looks at GREG.) Catherine: Thank you, Greg. Thank you. (CATHERINE looks down at the knife.) Greg Sanders: Had to be hard on you. Losing a friend, someone that you ... (CATHERINE abruptly walks out of the lab.) Catherine: I'm taking this to Trace. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- CONTINUOUS] (CATHERINE examines the knife under a different color light.) Greg Sanders: Did I miss something? Catherine: You see that? (GREG moves to stand next to CATHERINE to look at the knife.) Greg Sanders: Hmm, it's blood. That's a weak sample. That's probably why Ecklie took the thicker one. Catherine: Fifteen years ago, we figured, why light up something you can't analyze in the first place? Greg Sanders: Yeah, except now, we can replicate DNA a million times, even from the most minute sample of blood. Catherine: Priority. Greg Sanders: Let me know what you find out. (CATHERINE leaves.) Greg Sanders: Yes, ma'am. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - BALLISTICS LAB -- NIGHT] [SCOPE VIEW] (Two bullets are being examined side by side.) Nick: Bobby D. Shot the test bullet through the rifle you found behind the temple. It's on the right. (NICK steps aside and lets GRISSOM look through the scope.) Nick: Bullet from vic number three on the left. Lans and grooves align perfectly. [SCOPE VIEW] (The two matching bullets are side by side.) Grissom: Well, we've got ourselves a murder weapon. Nick: Well, we've got more than that. Sara and I found prints off the rifle. Grissom: And? Nick: Well, I'll give you a hint. He's bald, he wears a robe and he likes his coeds bodacious. Grissom: (sighs) One survivor, one suspect. Nick: And a whole lot of bad karma. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (NICK and GRISSOM interview ANANDA.) Ananda: I entered through the back. The rifle was on my desk. I walked into the prayer room to ask my brothers about the gun. I returned to my office, placed the weapon outside and went for help. Nick: Tampering with evidence is against the law. Ananda: The temple is a holy place. Nick: Maybe, but a crime had been committed there. Ananda: Please understand, I was obeying my teachings. Grissom: Do your teachings allow you to keep pornography? Ananda: Someone left the magazine at the temple. I kept it in case this person came back. Nick: Yeah, right. Ananda: If you are no longer attached to seeking pleasure, pictures of naked women mean no more than pictures of waterfalls. I abstain from erotic behavior not because we believe s*x is sinful but because preoccupation with worldly pleasure diverts us from the path. Grissom: Got to be a lot easier to be a monk in a monastery on a mountaintop than one on Las Vegas Boulevard. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - HALLWAY] (CATHERINE meets up with GREG SANDERS in the hallway where he gives her the test results.) Greg Sanders: I ran that faint blood sample from the knife. Catherine: Wow. Greg Sanders: Yeah, I know. (CONRAD ECKLIE calls out to CATHERINE. GREG leaves. They continue to walk down the hallway.) Conrad Ecklie: Willows. Just the person I wanted to see. I just signed off on the authorization to destroy evidence in the Stephanie Watson homicides since I was the primary, and then I learned tonight that the evidence has been checked out by you and Warrick. You care to explain that? Catherine: Found a third donor on the knife. Blood's from a male. Unknown. Conrad Ecklie: But Kelso didn't have an accomplice. Catherine: Then you know why we're looking at the file. (CATHERINE walks into the layout room where WARRICK is examining the photos and the evidence. CONRAD ECKLIE follows her.) [INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] Warrick: Hey. Catherine: Hey. Warrick: Here's the good news. Look at his hands. The cut on his left index finger -- it's just like the evidence log says. (CATHERINE looks at two photos. One of a close up of a left hand with a cut on the index finger, and the other of DWIGHT KELSO holding a sign: "DWIGHT KELSO".) (CATHERINE hands the photo to CONRAD ECKLIE.) Warrick: Kelso's glove is not in any of the crime scene photos, any of the sketches, anywhere. Ecklie: Pictures get lost, Warrick. I do remember that glove, though. Kelso's blood was all over it. (CATHERINE looks at the log book.) Catherine: It is in the evidence log. Warrick: You see who logged it in? Catherine: Jimmy Tadero. Booked two days after the murder. So why no photos? Warrick: Want me to tag along? Catherine: He's my mentor. If he screwed up, I don't think he's going to want an audience. (CATHERINE puts the book down and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (SARA types on the computer, prepping it for the simulation to test out her theory. GRISSOM sits next to her as she explains her theory.) Sara: You know those prints that Nick and I got off the rifle? Grissom: D.A. Says it's enough for a warrant. Ananda's already in custody. Sara: Well, I better talk fast, then. The prints are only telling half the story. You know when a shooter holds a gun ... (Quick flash to: Person demonstrating how a rifle gun is held.) Sara: (V.O.) ... he grips the barrel and he wraps his index finger around the trigger? (End of quick flash. Resume to present.) Sara: Ananda never fingered the trigger. Grissom: What about the prints? Sara: On the weapon, but definitely not where they should be. (SARA starts the simulation. The computer beeps and the models on the monitor grip the rifle handle and calculates the grip angle. Based upon where the prints where found, SARA figures it out.) Sara: He held the rifle by the stock, barrel pointing down. Grissom: He never fired it. Sara: No. Anticipating your next question, the rifle's not registered. Grissom: Well, Nevada doesn't require rifle registration. What's my next question? Sara: (smiles) That chewing gum -- is with DNA. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GREG SANDERS works on the wad of chewing gum. He takes a swab and tests the sample.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI -- LAB] (NICK is in the lab studying the placa carved into the temple wall. The portion of the wall is in the lab. GRISSOM stands next to NICK as he explains his finds.) Nick: Placa was carved into the panel with a straight-edged blade. Nondescript. Not much to work with. What's unusual is the placa itself. Grissom: Bangers tag homicides all the time. Nick: Yeah, but after those German tourists were killed the Snakebacks were pretty much wiped out. The cops really came down hard on those guys. Twenty-seven members were put away for ... for murder and weapons possession, drugs, you name it. According to the gang unit, they've been out of business about a year. Grissom: So we're looking at a Warhol. (NICK's brow furrows as GRISSOM looses him with the reference.) Nick: Hmm? Grissom: Well, it's not a real soup can. It's a painting of a soup can. Nick: Not a gang member, uh ... wannabe? Grissom: Except, if you want to be in a gang, you can be. Nick: (laughs) False clue. (DAVID PHILLIPS walks inside the doorway.) David Phillips: Excuse me, sir? I'm sorry to interrupt. Grissom: David, stop calling me "sir." What's up with the Air Force? David Phillips: You're all clear for tonight. (GRISSOM turns to leave the room with DAVID PHILLIPS.) Nick: Air Force? (DAVID turns around to answer NICK.) David Phillips: My dad's a Colonel out at Nellis. Grissom's requested a meeting. Nick: Why? (GRISSOM turns around and shrugs at NICK.) Grissom: I'm enlisting. (NICK chuckles.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TELEVIDEO CONFERENCING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM talks with the COLONEL (PHILLIPS) over the teleconferencing video monitor.) Colonel (Phillips): Since 9-11, geosynchronous government satellites have maintained a constant watch over U.S. Military installations. Grissom: And the surrounding areas as well, right? This temple is less than two miles from your base. What's the chances your satellite's picked something up? Colonel (Phillips): We can see a postage stamp on the sidewalk outside Lenin's tomb. Grissom: Cool. (Quick CGI to: The satellite out in orbit in space. The camera view passes through the satellite, out through its lens and straight downward to earth. The view passes through the atmosphere and clouds, straight down to the community to focus on the car below where it settles on the reflection of a NEVADA license plate that reads: PROUDUS.) (End of CGI. Resume to present.) WHITE FLASH TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. COFFEE SHOP PARKING LOT -- NIGHT] (Camera opens on: NEVADA license plate: PROUDUS. The officer finds the car. NICK and SARA, both carrying their kits, meet up with GRISSOM who is standing on the sidewalk looking through a file.) Grissom: Hey. Glad to see you're not in uniform. Only one vehicle passed through the temple gates around the time of the murders. Parked next to the monk's car. Sara: "Proud U.S." Grissom: Registered to a Peter Hutchins. Nick: Did you get his picture from outer space? Grissom: All photographs were intermittent. None included the driver. (SARA looks at the building that GRISSOM is standing in front of Sara: The coffee shop? Grissom: Yep. Would you like to, uh, process the truck? Sara: Sure. (SARA takes the sheet that GRISSOM holds out to her. She turns to head for the car.) Grissom: Thank you. (NICK and GRISSOM walk into the coffee shop. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. THE COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (NICK and GRISSOM walk into the Coffee Shop.) Nick: Hi there. Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Can I help you guys? Nick: Yeah, I'm Nick Stokes. This is Gil Grissom. We're with the Vegas crime lab. Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Pete Hutchins. Uh, cops are always welcome. Any sandwich, on the house, guys. Nick: No, thanks. We're here about the murders at the Buddhist temple off crystal peak drive. Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Yeah, I heard about it. Grissom: I heard that, uh, some of the local business owners weren't very happy with the members of the temple. Pete Hutchins, Jr.: The monks? Well, they didn't speak English and that bothered the other customers. And it's kind of hard to sell beer, sandwiches or videos when the monks didn't partake in any of those things. (PETE HUTCHINS, SR., walks out from the back to the front to listen to GRISSOM and NICK.) Pete Hutchins, Sr.: Those monks changed the whole feel of this neighborhood. I'm not surprised at any of these murders. Grissom: Your name is ... ? Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Peter Hutchins, Sr. (SARA walks into the coffee shop.) Peter Hutchins, Sr.: You know what? I've owned this shop for 20 years. Suddenly, these holy robers move in here and business takes a nose-dive. And I don't care what they say. It doesn't have a damn thing to do with the economy. Good night, Las Vegas; Good Morning, Vietnam. Sara: Uh, Grissom, I found these on the front seat. (SARA hands GRISSOM a plastic evidence bag.) Grissom: Uh, which one of you two guys drives the truck outside? Peter Hutchins, Sr.: I do. Grissom: Well, these wouldn't be your prayer beads, would they? Peter Hutchins, Sr.: No. Isn't there a law against her sniffing around inside my truck? Grissom: She has a warrant. (SARA holds up the warrant to show both PETER HUTCHINS.) Nick: Sir, your vehicle was seen in the driveway of the temple around the time of the murders. Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Now, why would I go to a Buddhist Temple? Grissom: Probably not looking for salvation. WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STRIP BAR -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE sits at the bar with TED BENTON waiting for JIMMY TADERO to arrive.) Ted Benton: Jimmy's running late. Nothing changes, huh? Catherine: Oh, uh ... (She laughs.) Catherine: Some things do. Ted Benton: Aw, you kidding, Catherine? Any day of the week, honey, you can still have them three deep, lined up at the bar. Catherine: You were always nice to me, Ted. Ted Benton: Nice has nothing to do with it, kid. Let's face it, you and this CSI stuff ... that's where you light up-- you're a natural. Catherine: Jimmy changed my life. And no funny stuff, just mentor and pupil. Guy delivered me into a whole new life. (Quick flashback to: CATHERINE is in the backroom putting on her make up. JIMMY TADERO stands next to her.) Catherine: Hey! Jimmy! What's the case of the week? Jimmy Tadero: Guy's up a tree, dead. Catherine: Mm-hmm? Jimmy Tadero: Ex-wife in the bedroom, with the pool man both very alive, if you know what I mean. Catherine: Guy's spying on his ex. Has a heart attack when he sees her doing the nasty with the pool man. Jimmy Tadero: You must have read the coroner's report. Catherine: Just my woman's intuition. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Ted Benton: I wish he could have done the same for Stephanie. Catherine: Yeah. (JIMMY arrives next to them.) Jimmy Tadero: Hey, Cath. What's the case of the week? Catherine: Wish I didn't know. You up for this? Jimmy Tadero: (nods)Ted. Ted Benton: I'll see you, kid. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. ALLEYWAY -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE and JIMMY TADERO stand in the alleyway. CATHERINE is holding an open file folder.) Catherine: This is where Stephanie was found. (Quick flashback to: STEPHANIE WATSON on the ground in the alley. Close up of JIMMY TADERO. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jimmy Tadero: (mutters) Worst day of my life. (CATHERINE turns to look at JIMMY.) Catherine: Over there is where the beat cop grabbed Kelso as he was running out into the alley. Jimmy Tadero: That's right. Catherine: Now, do you remember where you found Kelso's bloody glove? Jimmy Tadero: Up there, around the corner of that dumpster. I figure he'd dropped it, trying to get away. Catherine: And then you logged it into evidence? No sketches, no photos. Just brought it in two days after the murder. Jimmy Tadero: Yeah. Catherine: Arresting Officer never saw a glove, according to the file. Jimmy Tadero: He was busy trying to corral Kelso. It was dark. I came back in the daylight. What's going on? Catherine: You always used to say if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Jimmy Tadero: What do you want? We got the guy. Catherine: Jimmy, you're not hiding anything, are you? You didn't try to make things fit ... ? Jimmy Tadero: I'm going to forget you ever asked that. (JIMMY turns and walks away leaving CATHERINE in the alley.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY] [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY] (GREG SANDERS processes the black substance found on the golden Buddha statue. He dips it in a liquid and watches as the liquid turns blue.) Greg Sanders: (quietly satisfied) I thought so. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY] (GRISSOM is looking through a stack of the geosynchronous surveillance photos on his desk. He examines it with a magnifying glass when NICK walks in.) Grissom: Lot of activity in this neighborhood. You're going the wrong way on a one-way. Fender bender on the corner. Some guy running down the middle of the street ... Nick: Good, we should go after him, then, 'cause the sandwich man's going to walk. His alibi checks out -- he was in Laughlin with his wife at a farmers market. Grissom: What about the truck? Nick: Took the van. Grissom: Left the truck in the driveway. Junior? Nick: Yeah. Teenage kid, no parents, keys to a ride. I'm all over him. (GREG walks into the office. He hands GRISSOM the test results.) Greg Sanders: Results from the colored material found at the crime scene. I'm trying to be humble, but once again I have the case breaker. (GRISSOM reads the test results, then glances up at GREG.) Grissom: You may be right. Paintball paint. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. -- DAY] (In the middle of a game in progress, SARA, NICK and GRISSOM walk out into the middle of the field. Gunfire erupts around them.) Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Knock it off! (One of the players, PETE HUTCHINGS, JR., turns and looks at NICK. He promptly gets shot in the chest where a burst of red paint explodes on his jumper. He rips off his mask, frustrated at the interruption.) (NICK signals him over.) Nick: Come on over here, Rambo. (As he makes his way toward them, SARA notices his boots.) Nick: Wow! One pop to the chest and you're out. You got off easy. Pete Hutchins, Jr.: What are you guys doing here? (SARA takes out the shoe print photo and compares it to the green ink stain shoe print he just left on the wooden plank. It's a match.) Grissom: Well, we know that your father's truck was at the temple at the time of the murders. And our lab identified boot prints and paint residue near the altar. Pete Hutchins, Jr.: What kind of paint? Grissom: Water soluble, with flecks of plastic coating like the kind on your clothes. Toss them in the wash, paint's gone. (NICK looks at SARA. PETE HUTCHINS turns to look at SARA.) Sara: You were there, weren't you? (Camera holds on PETE HUTCHINS.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (PETE HUTCHINS, JR., and his father PETER, are both there as GRISSOM interviews PETE.) Pete Hutchins, Jr.: I've never been to the temple. (beat) Never. Grissom: Well ... see ... (GRISSOM takes out a photo of a boot print and puts it on the table.) Grissom: This boot print says you were. Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Tell him who you lent your boots to. Tell him, or they'll accuse you of something else. Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Nobody else wears my boots. Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Son ... Pete Hutchins, Jr.: We heard that this place was freaky, that there was a money tree and drugs. We wanted to see for ourselves. (Quick flashback to: PETE HUTCHINS and his friends run into the Buddhist temple. They rush over to the gold Buddha statues and the money trees.) Looter: Look-- right there, baby.LOOTER: Check it out!LOOTER: That's got to be solid gold, man. (The sound of a door opening startles the looting.) Looter: Come on, come on ... Pete Hutchins, Jr.: (V.O.) we heard someone coming, and we took off. (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Pete Hutchins, Jr.: That's why you found my boot prints. Grissom: No. You see, our dust lifter is only effective on very recent prints. I think you were there the day of the murders. (PETE HUTCHINS, JR. glances over at his father.) Pete Hutchins, Jr.: It was a ... (clears throat) it was a week ago when I went there with my friends. But Tommy, he copped a statue. I went back to return it, and I was removing my boots when I looked inside and I saw them laying there. (Quick flashback to: PETE HUTCHINS, JR. walks into the main prayer hall and stops when he sees the four monks on the floor dead. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Pete Hutchins, Jr.: I wanted to call the police, but I knew if they found me there, they'd think I did it. (GRISSOM leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.) Grissom: How'd you know to remove your boots? You'd been there before? Pete Hutchins, Jr.: (hesitates) Maybe. Peter Hutchins, Sr.: (to GRISSOM) What are you accusing my son of now? Pete Hutchins, Jr.: They were my friends. Peter Hutchins, Sr.: Whoa, whoa. (disgusted) Those monks were your friends? I'm taking a walk. (PETER HUTCHINS, SR. stands up and leaves the room. The door closes behind him.) Pete Hutchins, Jr.: Someone once asked the Buddha, "How do we escape the heat of a summer's day?" And the Buddha said, "Why not leap into a blazing furnace?" [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY] (Camera opens on a crime scene photo of STEPHANIE WATSON.) Catherine: I got your beep. Did you run those tests? Warrick: Kelso's glove -- embedded in the fabric-- dog hair. I isolated motor oil on the thumb and the rest of the stains were bloodstains. Kelso's, just like in the report. Catherine: From where he cut himself stabbing her? Warrick: You'd think, but you kind of put me on a wild snipe hunt so I tested for all biologicals, and I ran amylase and I found saliva. (WARRICK hands the test results to CATHERINE.) Catherine: Kelso's saliva? Warrick: Yeah. Catherine: Well, blood mixed with saliva sounds like a mouth injury. (Quick flashback to: Someone punches KELSO in the mouth. End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Did you check the blood that Ecklie collected from the murder weapon? Warrick: Also amylase. Catherine: Well, how did blood from Kelso's mouth end up on the glove as well as the knife? (WARRICK knows, but he doesn't say anything. He looks at CATHERINE.) Catherine: (realizes) Unless it was planted. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. STRIP BAR -- DAY] (CATHERINE walks into the bar where JIMMY TADERO is sitting.) Catherine: Jimmy. You set him up. Jimmy Tadero: He killed her. Catherine: You don't know that. Jimmy Tadero: Yes, I do. (Quick flashback to: JIMMY TADERO hits DWIGHT/MARK KELSO. He goes down and looks up at JIMMY.) Dwight/Mark Kelso: (taunting) When I stuck her, she called out your name. Where's a cop when you need one? (JIMMY kicks KELSO in the face.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Catherine: Guys like Kelso brag all the time about things they didn't do, cat-and-mouse ... Jimmy Tadero: He had a history of roughing up girls. He had a knife cut on his hand. But the D.A .... got cold feet, released him. (Quick flashback to: DWIGHT/MARK KELSO and JIMMY TADERO confront each other.) Dwight/Mark Kelso: (taunting) You don't have jack on me. (JIMMY starts to beat KELSO up. He shoves the glove in KELSO'S bloodied mouth leaving blood stains on the glove. JIMMY pockets the glove.) (Cut to: [TEMPORARY EVIDENCE ROOM] JIMMY glances behind him and rubs the bloodied glove on the knife.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Jimmy Tadero: I helped the evidence along. Catherine: Good evidence doesn't need help. You taught me that one. I'm going to have to ask you for a sample of your blood. Jimmy Tadero: What? Catherine: New technology. We isolated male blood on the murder weapon. It doesn't belong to Kelso. Jimmy Tadero: You think I killed Stephanie? Catherine: You were in love with her, Jimmy. That was no secret. But the ring was. (This catches JIMMY'S attention.) Catherine: Three karats and she turned you down. Same week she died. I never thought anything of it till now. Jimmy Tadero: You're good. You are. Catherine: I'll get a warrant. Jimmy Tadero: Yeah, you do that. You go get a warrant. (CATHERINE turns and leaves the bar.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - DNA LAB] (GRISSOM gives GREG SANDERS instructions on how to process the gum.) Greg Sanders: Well, I have to warn you, any food I find in the gum is not going to be unique. Why don't you just give me a suspect I can match to? Grissom: I can't give you what I don't have, Greg. All we're going to have is what we get from this gum. Greg Sanders: All right, then I guess it's slice and dice. Grissom: Thank you. (GRISSOM leaves the lab. GREG goes to work on the gum.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - LOUNGE -- DAY] (WARRICK walks into the lounge with CATHERINE'S test results.) Warrick: Results on Jimmy Tadero's sample. I just got it back from DNA. (He gives them to CATHERINE in an envelope. CATHERINE takes the envelope and sighs. She starts to open the envelope, then puts it abruptly back down on the table in front of her.) Warrick: Not going to take a look at it? (CATHERINE laughs.) Catherine: There was a shooting one night in the club and Jimmy pulls out his revolver and takes down the bad guy. The guy's on the floor, dying. Even though this was fifteen years ago, we still knew about aids. Jimmy then puts his gun away, he leans down -- he starts giving this guy mouth-to-mouth after having just shot him. (CATHERINE smiles proudly at the memory.) Catherine: Forget his own life, he's going to bring this guy back. And he did. Warrick: You want me to open it? (CATHERINE sighs heavily. WARRICK reaches for the envelope and opens it.) (Camera holds on CATHERINE.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Inside the interview room, through the glass window in the door, we see JIMMY TADERO and a POLICE OFFICER laughing. CATHERINE pauses outside the doorway and looks in. JIMMY turns around and sees CATHERINE. The POLICE OFFICER steps aside.) CAMERA SLOW MOTION (CATHERINE reaches the door and opens it. JIMMY TADERO turns around.) RESUME MOTION (CATHERINE walks into the room.) Catherine: You've been excluded on the murder weapon. Jimmy Tadero: I could have told you that. Did you compare the unknown against the club owner, Ted? Catherine: Yeah, I compared it to Ted. I compared it to every male in CODIS. There were no hits, nowhere. Have a seat, Jimmy. (They both sit down.) Jimmy Tadero: I screwed up -- you want to hear me say it? I liked Kelso. Maybe I was wrong. Catherine: (nods) Yeah, you were. Jimmy Tadero: So now what? Catherine: (shakes her head) You know now what. Jimmy Tadero: You're not serious. Catherine: You put a man away for life on planted evidence, Jimmy. Jimmy Tadero: He was a scumbag. He copped to another murder. Catherine: Scumbag or saint, what you did is a capital crime. You can't play with evidence, especially in a murder. Jimmy Tadero: I can get life in prison if you turn me in, do you know that? Maybe even the death penalty. Do you know that?! Catherine: What do you want me to do? What do you want me to do? Do you want me to look the other way? Do you want me to dummy my report? Jimmy Tadero: I can't believe you're doing this to me. I gave you your career. Catherine: I earned my career and you did this to yourself. You fabricated evidence, Jimmy. Jimmy Tadero: You were two steps away from turning tricks. This is the thanks I get? (CATHERINE doesn't say anything. JIMMY knows that he's gone too far.) Catherine: (hurt) I danced, period. And instead of feeling sorry for yourself, think about this. When you were out there planting evidence on a case that you couldn't break, Stephanie's real killer got away. And he's still out there ... (pause) ... because you sold the one thing a cop can't afford to sell: Your integrity. So you tell me, between the two of us who's the whore? Catherine: Arrest him. (CATHERINE stands up to leave the room. JIMMY stands up and holds out his wrists as the POLICE OFFICER puts the handcuffs on him.) (CATHERINE takes his jacket and puts it over the cuffs.) Catherine: You can hate me all you want. I'm going to see you through this. (JIMMY nods.) (The OFFICER leads JIMMY out of the room. CATHERINE stands there with tears in her eyes.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. SIDEWALK MARKET -- DAY] (ANANDA walks through the market carrying his bag of groceries. He greets people along the way.) (GRISSOM pulls up in front of ANANDA.) Grissom: If you see the Buddha on the side of the road, kill him. Ananda: Because the true Buddha is inside of us so that is the false Buddha or a tired monk who doesn't drive because he can't control his anger. (GRISSOM smiles at the humor.) Grissom: Climb in, I'll give you a lift. (ANANDA opens the car door and gets in.) Grissom: We've cleared the father. The son has also been cleared. Ananda: And you're looking for my help. You know my religion better than I know your science. Grissom: There was a gang placa that was scrawled into the walls of your temple. It was put there to mislead us. The weapon you found on your desk was also put there to mislead us. The only other unexplained evidence we have is the chewing gum. We found traces of curry and saffron. Ananda: Somebody ate a meal, then chewed gum. Grissom: Sometimes the best evidence we get comes from what people do when they're not thinking. Old habits, routines. I don't think the gum was put there to mislead us. I think it was just a mistake. Ananda: And you want to know what I eat for dinner. (beat) Curry and saffron. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - KITCHENS -- DAY] (GRISSOM and ANANDA are in the kitchen.) Grissom: It's the real stuff. Ananda: The neighborhood kids thought we imported drugs. We just imported spices. Grissom: And the five of you ate together that night? Any guests? Ananda: No. (SGT. O'RILEY walks into the kitchen.) Sgt. O'Riley: How come you don't leave your cell phone on? Grissom: We're in a temple, O'Riley. Sgt. O'Riley: Oh, sorry. I just left the bank. Mr. Ananda here, you're playing fast and loose with the school fund money. (SGT. O'RILEY hands GRISSOM the file folder. GRISSOM looks at it.) Sgt. O'Riley: You raised just over $13,000 for the school fund, but you only deposited $12,000. You planning any more trips to Disneyland? Grissom: According to the bank, you opened the school fund account on the same day as the murders. Where did you have the money before that? Ananda: In a box in my office. CUT TO: [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - ANANDA'S OFFICE - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (GRISSOM opens the carved box.) (Camera zooms in on a clump of yellow powder inside the box. GRISSOM leans in to look at the powder.) Grissom: Curry powder. Your temple employs a part-time cook. Ananda: Mr. Suddahara moved on. Grissom: After you caught him with his hand in the till? (Quick flashback to: Inside ANANDA'S office, DAVID SUDDAHARA opens the box and removes some of the money. He looks up and finds that ANANDA is in the doorway watching him.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: Why didn't you tell us about Mr. Suddahara before? Ananda: Because a man steals doesn't mean he also kills. (GRISSOM looks at SGT. O'RILEY.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (SGT. O'RILEY sits in the room with DAVID SUDDAHARA.) Sgt. O'Riley: Got any more of that gum, Mr. Suddahara? David Suddahara: Fresh out. (The door opens and GRISSOM walks into the interview room reading a file folder.) Grissom: Yep, his DNA matches the gum sample. (GRISSOM sits down.) Grissom: You thought Ananda was going to report you to the police for stealing the money. Sgt. O'Riley: Went home, got his rifle, came back to make sure he didn't talk. Grissom: And he'd gone to the bank to protect the rest of the money but you didn't know that. (Quick flashback to: Inside the Buddhist Temple, DAVID SUDDAHARA carries the rifle.) David Suddahara: Where is he? (The monks continue to pray.) David Suddahara: Did he go to the cops already? If they ask what I look like, here's your answer. (He cocks the rifle and shoots. The first monk falls backward onto the floor.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.) Grissom: I'm curious about one thing, though. Why did you shoot them all in their sixth chakra? David Suddahara: I shot them between the eyes. (Camera holds shortly on GRISSOM'S expression.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. TEMPLE SIDEWALK - NIGHT] (GRISSOM walks up the sidewalk toward the temple. The monks can be heard chanting inside.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. BUDDHIST TEMPLE - MAIN PRAYER HALL -- NIGHT] (Inside the temple, there are two figures sitting side-by-side chanting.) (GRISSOM walks up to the veil-covered doorway and looks inside. He pushes the veil aside.) (Sitting next to ANANDA is PETE HUTCHINS, JR. He turns his head slightly and looks back at GRISSOM.) (GRISSOM watches them for a moment.) (PETE turns back to chanting.) (GRISSOM leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. CSI - TEMPORARY EVIDENCE ROOM -- NIGHT] (CATHERINE updates the information on STEPHANIE WATSON'S evidence box. It reads: DO NOT DESTROY. She adds: CASE UNSOLVED and underlines it.) (Camera holds on CATHERINE.) BLUR OUT. FADE TO BLACK.

Grissom, Sara and Nick investigate the death of four Buddhist monks who were shot to death in their monastery near Vegas. Catherine re-opens the murder of an old friend, when the man that was convicted for the murder claims he is innocent on his deathbed. During the case she finds out some disturbing facts about how her old mentor handled the case.

fd_Lucifer_02x18

fd_Lucifer_02x18_0

Charlotte staples her belly. Charlotte: Hello? It's Charlotte Richards. I need a favour. Amenadiel is happy. Amenadiel: Would you look at that, Luci? It really is the final piece. Unbelievable. Lucifer: Oh, no, I believe it. It's classic Dad. Hanging the final piece of the Flaming Sword right under our noses... Well... Your nose, this entire time... I know, right? It's ridiculous. I mean, if that isn't the biggest celestial bird Dad's ever flipped. Amenadiel: What are you talking about? This means that I'm the favourite son. Lucifer: Uh, no, it means that once again Dad is manipulating us six ways to Sunday. But, hey, what's new? At least we have it now. So... Well, hand it over, Brother. The sword's not gonna ignite itself. It... Oh, just give it to me. Give it to me. Right, don't be silly, Brother. You know I'm ten times stronger than you. Amenadiel: But I'm the favourite. Lucifer: Oh, right. Of course. That one... Right, don't make me hurt you. Remember, you're not the angel you once were. Amenadiel: No, Luci, you're right, I'm not. Lucifer: Well, oh. I didn't mean to make you all broody again. Amenadiel: No, it's okay. I just need a little time to process what it all means. Lucifer: Process? Okay. Fine. Suppose we're in no real rush. Process away... I think I've got E.T. on the DVR if you need a good weep and a pint of Haagen-Daz in the freezer if that helps. Linda enters in her office. Charlotte was waiting for her. Linda: You scared me. God! Charlotte: Goddess. But whatever. I need medical attention. I'm wounded. Linda: Then go to a hospital. Charlotte: This isn't exactly a human injury, and since you know who, or rather what I am, I would appreciate it if you would just patch me up. Linda: Why does everybody keep doing this to me? I am a doctor, but patching people up isn't my thing. Charlotte: Oh... It is now. Linda: Suppose I could take a gander. Charlotte: Wonderful... I should warn you, you might have to... Charlotte opens her dress and her light burn the wall. Charlotte: Duck. Linda: What?! Who did that to you? I mean, was it Lucifer? I-I mean... Not on purpose, you know. Accidentally, like with that Flaming Sword thingy... All right, let me see what I got here... Okay, duct tape. Trust me. This stuff's amazing. Lucifer is checking his phone. Lucifer: This is ridiculous. You have experience with emotionally fragile men, don't you? Chloe: You're self-aware today. Lucifer: No, I meant Dan. Anyway, tell me, how do you stop them from overthinking everything? Chloe: Who's overthinking? Lucifer: Amenadiel. Leave it to him to turn a compliment into something to angst over. I mean, he should be happy he's Dad's favourite. Chloe: Wait, your dad didn't actually tell you guys that, did he? Lucifer: Well, in so many Sumerian words, yes. Chloe: You know, the more I hear about your dad, the more I understand why you're... You know, you. Chloe and Lucifer arrive on the crime scene. Ella: Body dump. Weird one, too, and not just 'cause of the obvious buck naked, deep-fried head thing. But someone also shaved this poor guy's entire body. Lucifer: Well, maybe our poor killer's just chaetophobic. Fear of hair. Always fun when they turn up in Hell. Lots of wigs involved. Ella: But I'm pretty sure... This guy got a bath in bleach. Chloe: So, whoever dumped him is a pro. Lucifer: It's like he just vanished off the face of the Earth. Ella: I know. But it's pretty tough for someone to cover every track. Chloe: If anyone can find something, it's you, Ella. Ella: Aw, that is so sweet! Lucifer: Yes, well, u-until you do, I've got some personal business I need to tend to. Ella: 'Cause, you know, you're not so much with the nice words, but when they come out... Lucifer is trying to enter in Linda's practice but it's closed. Linda finally opens the door. Lucifer: Doctor. Linda: Hi. Lucifer, what's up? Lucifer: I'm wondering if you've seen Amenadiel. Linda: Nope. Haven't seen that family member. No. Lucifer: Can you stop being weird and just let me in? Lucifer enters. Lucifer: Mum. What are you doing here? Charlotte: Oh, you know, girl stuff. Lucifer: Naked girl stuff? Dr. Linda, I had no idea... What is that? All right, out with it, Mother. Charlotte: It's nothing. That spoiled brat, Chet Ruiz, stabbed me, and now I'm bleeding light. It's... It's no big deal. Lucifer: What? That's a huge deal. Mum, if your powers are returning to this degree, then your human body won't be able to contain it, you'll... You'll burst. Oh, no. I need to find Amenadiel now. Charlotte: I'd rather you didn't. I mean, it's bad enough that you'll be worried. Lucifer: No, that's just it, Mum. Amenadiel has the missing piece of the sword. Charlotte: You're k... You're kidding. Son, why didn't you say something? Now we can finally ignite it and cut through the Gates of Heaven and I can see my... I can... I can see my children. Lucifer: Yes. Yes, but for now, I need to find Amenadiel and you need to stay away from humans... You're a... Ticking bomb. Charlotte: Uh, um, actually, speaking of that, I... May have already harmed... Someone. Lucifer: Oh, no. No, no, no. I just came from a crime scene... The man with a burned head. Please tell me that isn't Chet. The detective is on that case. Charlotte: Well, not to worry. I had a pro clean up the mess. Lucifer: You don't understand. The Detective is good, annoyingly good. Charlotte: Well, then we just need to find Amenadiel, don't we? Lucifer: Yes. Charlotte: And get the piece. Lucifer: Because if we don't get you back to Heaven before the detective gets to you, then she is quite literally toast. Lucifer knocks on Chloe's door. Trixie opens. Trixie: Did you slip on a banana peel, too? Lucifer: What? Trixie: I'm afraid you're gonna need surgery. Maze: Don't fight it. The kid's fierce. Lucifer: I... Trixie is fixing Lucifer. Lucifer: So, I left Mum in the wine cellar at Lux, and that's the situation. Ouch. Maze: Baby. I still don't get why you're here. Lucifer: Because I need the best bounty hunter out there. I can deal with the detective, but I need you to find Amenadiel. Then we can get the pendant, assemble the sword before Mum spews light everywhere. Trixie: You don't have to speak in code. I can handle adult stuff. Maze: So what if your mother explodes? Why should I care? Lucifer: Because many, many humans could get hurt. Maze: Yeah, and? Lucifer: Oh, nice try, Maze, but I happen to know there's a few that you care about. Maze: Fine. But you pay me my standard fee. No freebies. Lucifer: Absolutely... Oh. Love me a lolli. Trixie: Sorry, wussies don't get any. Chloe askes question to Chet's brother. Chloe: So, I ran the prints, and it came back as your brother Chet... I'm sorry. I know that you've been living in Mexico, but can you think of anyone who may have wanted your brother dead? Hector: My family had many enemies. It's why I left, to get away from the Ruiz empire. I tried to get Chet to go with me, but... Chloe: But, unfortunately, he got involved in the family business. Hector: I know you were the one who put my mother in prison. I also know you were after Chet, so I know what you think of my family... But I loved my brother... He didn't deserve to die. Especially not like that. Chloe: No one deserves to die like that. Look, I'm gonna work this case as carefully and fairly as I would any other case. I promise you. Lucifer breaks an evidence at Ella's lab. Lucifer: Ah, oopsie daisy. There goes that clue. Klutzy me. Ella: Aw, don't worry, buddy. I am a total klutz myself. Which is why I always make a backup. Lucifer: Oh, good.Hope it leads us straight to Chet's killer. Ella: Oh, no, that's from another crime scene. I got a big steaming pile of nada from the Chet Ruiz crime scene. Lucifer: Oh, good... Ness me, that is awful. Chloe: Please tell me you have something. Lucifer: No, no, nothing. It's so frustrating. Ella: Well, there is one thing I'm waiting on. Lucifer: But I thought you just said we had nada. Ella: Well, so the only thing we know for sure is that someone had to drive there to dump the body. So, the tech team is checking the vicinity for cameras, but it's such a remote place, so don't get your hopes up. Lucifer: Ooh, yes. I think you're right, Miss Lopez. Sadly, the only witness to this one is my dear old dad. Ella: Oh, right. Yes, your dad... Is always watching. Wait a second. That gives me an idea. Lucifer: It does? Ella: Satellite imaging takes sporadic photos of, well, everything, so... Chloe: So there may be footage of the killer going to or from the warehouse. Ella: Exactly. I mean, it's a long shot, but thank you, Lucifer. Lucifer: You're so welcome. Amenadiel make some improve. Amenadiel: It's me. God chose me. I'm the favourite son. This whole time, I actually thought that God had lost faith in me, but it was me. I lost faith in him. I can see that now... That losing my powers must have been a test... And if so, I failed...I'm so sorry, Father. Partner: Yes, and how was your pork chop? Daniel: Okay, that's great. We'll cut right there. Hey, can I have the lights please? So, uh, good job. But there are a few subjects that we try to avoid: you know, religion, politics, anything too polarizing. Okay? Amenadiel: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Totally understand. I got this. Daniel: Perfect. All right, let's give 'em another scenario. Woman: Oh, uh, zookeepers and the giraffe is pregnant. Daniel: Okay. You guys ready? Action. Partner: Oh, man! I think she's going into labour! Help me! Amenadiel: How can I help when I'm supposed to kill my own father?! Daniel: And cut... It's a little dark, buddy. Amenadiel: Hmm. Daniel: You know, just try to have fun with it. Amenadiel: But I thought you told me this helped you work through difficult personal matters. Daniel: I did. Chloe and Lucifer are walking in the street. Chloe: APB got a hit that it was parked in the lot across the street. Lucifer: I'm telling you, we're wasting time. Chloe: It was the only vehicle parked near the crime scene between midnight and 5:00 a.m. Lucifer: Yes, but how do you know this parked van's even the same one? I mean, there's no license plates on this image. Chloe: Oh, come on! How many vans have dandelions on the side? Lucifer: They're not dandelions, they're jellyfish. Chloe: What? Jellyfish? Lucifer: Right, yes. Well, I'm simply saying that we should be focusing on more pressing criminal issues. Chloe: Such as? Lucifer: Well, I'm glad you asked, actually. The death of Celeste McDougall. Very suspicious, indeed. Chloe: She was 92. Lucifer: Yes, and fit as a fiddle. I mean, look at that smug face. Look. Chloe: I know. Yeah, I got it, I got it. .. LAPD! Don't move! You still think we're wasting our time? Lucifer: Definitely rethinking the lasagna I had for lunch. Ava: Oh, my gosh. This is not what it looks like. Lucifer: What? Minions day out? Chloe: Take your hoods off, slowly. Ava: I know this looks bad, but we can explain. I'm Ava. This is my sister Kathleen. Kathleen: Hi. How ya doin'? Lucifer: Friendliest serial killers ever. Kathleen: Oh, that's hilarious. We're not killers. God, no. We run Dandy Lyon Cleaners. Lyon's our last name. Get it? Ava: We take care of crime scenes, dead body removals. All the icky stuff. Kathleen: But totally legit. Yeah, like this poor guy, died of a heart attack. Ava: Like, two weeks ago. Lucifer: Right, well, perfectly good explanation. I knew it. Shall we, Detective? Chloe: Wait, wait, wait. Why was your van outside of an abandoned warehouse in Eagle Rock at 3:00 a.m. last night? Ava: I'm... Pretty sure you're mistaken. We were nowhere near that area. Kathleen: Well... Ava: Ugh, no. Eagle Rock. Do not tell me you went to see Fred again. I thought you were done with that jerk. Kathleen: I was, till I ran into him at Jamba Juice. Lucifer: Understand completely. I mean, what's more intoxicating than a Mango-A-Go-Go? Alibi sorted. We'll leave you here with Soupy, and we'll be on our way. Come on. Chloe: No. Wait, wait. Hold on. Can I talk to you for a second? Lucifer: Yes? Chloe: Enough with this. Why are you trying to rush our investigation? Why are you still hiding things from me after all we've been through? Lucifer: You know I don't lie, Detective. Chloe: But you also don't tell the whole truth... Does this have to do with what you were upset about this morning, with your family? Lucifer: Yes, but I can't explain, because you wouldn't understand. Chloe: Not if you don't talk to me... Never mind. I thought we were past this. Going backwards, Lucifer, is not good. For anyone. At the end of the class, Daniel encourages Amenadiel. Daniel: Trust me, dude, you're gonna find this really freeing once you get the hang of it. And I'll help you through it. Just takes practice. Amenadiel: You're a good man, Daniel. Daniel: Yeah. Amenadiel hugs Daniel. Daniel: Ooh! Okay. All right. Wow. You're strong... That family is so weird. Daniel leaves, Maze enters. Maze: "You'll get the hang of it. It just takes practice." And that hug. You guys doing it? Amenadiel: So, what are you even doing here? Maze: I'm bounty hunting you, thanks to Lucifer. Time to assemble the sword, Amenadiel. Amenadiel: I don't know that I want to, Maze. Father entrusted me with the final piece. That changes things. Maze: Are you coming with me or not? Amenadiel: Think about it, Mazikeen. All of my actions, all of my feelings, they were all just based on lies. You see, I thought I had fallen, and I... Maze tazes Amenadiel. Maze: I don't get paid by the hour. Chloe is doing researches on her computer. Ella arrives. Ella: Oh, my God! Are you going to Paris? Can I be your travel buddy? I love Paris. Les hommes, oh, tr s sexy, romantiques, avec... Chloe: This is the Paris hotel in Vegas, actually. Ella: Oh. Not... Going there. Vegas and me... Not pretty. Chloe: Yeah, I'm not going, either. But Kathleen Lyon's ex Brad did, and according to his Wobble page, he's been partying there all weekend. Ella: Oh, well, that blows up Kathleen's reason for being in Eagle Rock at 3:00 a.m. You think our two sweet, "legit" cleaners are up to something not so legit? Amenadiel is waking up at the penthouse. Lucifer: Hello, Brother. I notice you've changed your look. Where's your pretty necklace? Amenadiel: Oh, I've put it in a safe place. Lucifer: Ah. Keister it, did you? Maze: Nope. Already checked. Not there. Lucifer: Lovely. Listen, Amenadiel, I need the final piece. Amenadiel: Right. So you and Mom can slice through the Gates of Heaven and destroy Father. Yeah. I know. Lucifer: Right. Maze, darling, would you mind running down to the wine cellar and fetching Mum? I think she'd like to hear this. Amenadiel: I've been thinking about this, deeply. And I think that we've been looking at things the wrong way. Lucifer: Oh? Amenadiel: That necklace was a gift. It's not some manipulation. Lucifer: Well, you only think that because it was gifted to you. Amenadiel: No, no, Luci! It's all about perspective. Father doesn't always make things clear, because he wants us to form our own beliefs. And I strongly believe that I am to guard that piece. Now, I may have lost my way, but that doesn't mean that I can't rectify things now. Lucifer: Fine. What if I was to tell you I never planned on destroying Dad? Amenadiel: I'd say you were full of it. Lucifer: Yes, I want to assemble the sword, yes, I want to cut through the gates, blah, blah, but then I was just gonna kick Mum into Heaven and slam the gates behind her. Let the two lovebirds torture each other for eternity. Amenadiel: And that's better? Lucifer: Yes. Amenadiel: No! Regardless of whether you're with Mom or not, I simply can't let Mom loose on Dad. Now, it is finally time that I go back to being the loyal soldier that he entrusted me to be. Mom is not going anywhere! Lucifer: Well, I am afraid that we do not have a choice, Brother! Mum's powers are returning, and it won't be long before we can't contain them. I mean, she's already killed one person, and now the detective is on a... The Detective is on her case. So, please, no discussion. Mum has to go! Maze: She already has. Your mother's gone. Lucifer: What? Linda opens the door of her practice. Charlotte: It's Cheval something or other. It's valuable, so it must be good. Linda: I wasn't expecting to see you or your... Deadly light back so soon. Charlotte: Well, something's been bothering me. When you first saw my wound... You asked if Lucifer had done it... What did you mean by that? Linda: I meant nothing by it. You know? Meaningless brain fart, you know? Just blah. Came out. There was a lot going on that day. Charlotte: Hmm. I don't think so. I think, in fact, that you know something. I don't want to hurt you, Linda. I... Am running... Out of time. You've seen what's happening to me. So you can either tell me what you know over a glass of wine or over your own charbroiled corpse. Your choice. Chloe and Daniel are the new crime scene. Chloe: I came here to grill Kathleen on the false alibi. Daniel: Whoa. Somebody already had, huh? Chloe: Yeah. It's Ava Lyon. I'm thinking whoever killed Chet hired the Lyon sisters to clean up, then cleaned up the cleaner. Kathleen: Excuse me, what is going on? I work here... Ava! Chloe: Stop. Kathleen: Oh, my God. What did I do? Chloe is interviewing Kathleen at the station. Kathleen: It's me, only me. Ava knew nothing about it. I wasn't lying about Brad. I did get back together with him, but he gambles a lot, and he needed money. Then I got this call offering me a hundred grand. Chloe: Who hired you? Who killed Chet and your sister? Kathleen: Maybe Ava's death was a warning. For me to keep my mouth shut. Maybe if I don't say anything... Amenadiel and Lucifer are at Lux. Amenadiel: So how do we find Mom? Follow the trail of roasted humans? Lucifer: Well, if anyone can find that wily goddess, it's Maze. She's on it. Lucifer's phone rings. It's Chloe. She's at the station. Lucifer: Detective. Everything all right? Chloe: We found a body. Lucifer: Another body? Chloe: A burned head. Lucifer: Same burned head? Chloe: Yes. Lucifer: So, what, you think whoever killed Chet killed again? Chloe: Look, Lucifer, it's a long story, but the second victim is Ava Lyon. She's one of the cleaners we met. I have her sister Kathleen here, but she's not saying anything... She's scared. So I need you to come here, and I need you to do your mojo thing. Lucifer: Yes, Detective, believe me when I say I want to find the killer as much as you do. Charlotte: Hello, boys. Lucifer: Mum. Chloe: What? What? What's going on? Lucifer: I-I'm so sorry. My mum's here. I-I've got to rush. Good luck with Kathleen. Ciao. Chloe: Damn it. Ella: What's wrong? Chloe: Lucifer. He's... He's hiding something from me, I can tell. Ella: Oh, you know what? It's probably just embarrassing family stuff. I mean, they seem totally bonkers. Chloe: Yeah. Maybe. He is with his step-mom now, so... So maybe... Maybe he's not hiding something from me, but someone... Someone who knew Chet. And someone I still don't trust. Charlotte is drinking alcohol. Amenadiel: What have you been doing? Charlotte: Oh... This and that. Lucifer: This being firing up the celestial barbecue so that you can grill another head? Charlotte: No. I just needed to get cleaned up. Get some air. I was feeling a little claustrophobic. Don't you just hate being kept in the dark? The good news is you found Amenadiel. So we have the piece? Lucifer: Yes. Well, interesting story, actually. Why don't you tell her, Brother? Amenadiel: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This one's all you. Brother, I insist. Lucifer: Thank you. Right. Well, uh, upon careful consideration, we've decided this whole Flaming Sword plan is a crap idea. Amenadiel: Yes, crap. Lucifer: Mm. Have you ever considered finding, well, I don't know, a-a place of your own? Amenadiel: Yeah. Somewhere away from Dad, maybe? Lucifer: Yes. Somewhere familiar, warmer, perhaps? Charlotte: You want... You want me back in Hell? Lucifer: Well, not in Hell, per se, but in charge of Hell. I mean, after all, it is a kingdom without a ruler. Amenadiel: He is right. I mean, there's a great opportunity for upward mobility. Lucifer: Lick of paint here or there. The columns would look great in white... Beige? Charlotte: So it's true. You are working against me. You never planned on going with me to Heaven. Lucifer: Wait. How did you find out? Charlotte: Well, I persuaded... Your little doctor. I'm sorry. I had no choice. Lucifer: What did you do? Mum. Amenadiel: Mom. Listen, I understand. You're angry. Charlotte: Oh, I'm not angry. Just disappointed... Give me the piece! Amenadiel: No, Mom... You're gonna have to kill me. Charlotte: Guess I'll have to find another way, won't I? Charlotte leaves. [SCENE_BREAK] Lucifer: Well, now look what you've made her do. I've just had this tuned! Amenadiel: Me? How about you suggesting Hell as a retirement home? Nice. Maybe if you had just mentioned the pottery class or water aerobics, she would have gone for it. Lucifer: Oh, and did you have a better idea? Amenadiel: Mom's coming undone, Luci... In every way. Lucifer: I know. And she doesn't care who she hurts anymore... Linda. Amenadiel: I'll go check on Linda. You go after Mom, she'll listen to you. But, Luci, don't you dare promise her that piece, because I won't give it to her. Chloe and Daniel find Charlotte. Charlotte: Well, well. Someone's clever. How did you get me? Daniel: Wasn't that hard. We tracked your phone. Charlotte: No, I mean, how did you figure out I was the bad guy? Did Little Miss Dandy Lyon tell you? Chloe: It's over, Charlotte. Put your hands up. Charlotte: Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to resist. I'll tell you everything you want to know. I just have one small request. Lucifer is in the parking, his phone rings. Lucifer: Detective. Any chance you've seen my Mu... Charlotte: Looking for little ol' me? You were right, dear. Your detective is quite good. She caught me. Lucifer: Where are you? Charlotte: Santa Monica Pier. Such a beautiful place. So many people. Lucifer: If you hurt anyone, Mum, if you hurt her... Charlotte: And if you and your brother had just given me what I needed. But who knows? Maybe you still can. Chloe: Okay, that's enough. Lucifer: Mum! Chloe: Start talking. Charlotte: Just the two of us. If that's all right. I'd rather not put Daniel in... An awkward position. Hate to ruin all the good ones we've been in... Can we go outside? Chloe: Mm-hmm. I'll be fine. Charlotte kisses Daniel. Charlotte: I'll miss you, Daniel. You are my favourite human. Amenadiel hold on his phone. Amenadiel: Hey. You find Mom? Lucifer: She's on Santa Monica Pier, and she wants the piece... We have to give it to her, Amenadiel. We've run out of options. Please. Brother, please. She... She has Chloe. Maze is on her way to Linda's practice. Maze: Linda! You here?! I'm tracking Lucifer's mom, and I think she might be on her way. She enters in the office. Linda is hurt. Maze: Oh, no. No, no, no! Linda. Hey. It's okay. I'm here. Okay? You're gonna be fine... She did this to you, didn't she? Linda: She wanted to know what Lucifer's plans were. I didn't want to tell her. I tried to resist. I'm so sorry. Maze: It's not your fault, okay? And you're going to be fine. I promise. I'm-I'm gonna fix you. Okay? Amenadiel enters. Maze: Help me. Lucifer joins Daniel. He has the Flaming Sword. Lucifer: Hello, Daniel. Daniel: Whoa! Whoa, whoa! She kissed me. Lucifer: Literally no idea what you're talking about. Just get your hands up. No, don't be silly. I'm not gonna stab you. I'm just looking for something. Come on, up. Up! Daniel: What are you looking for? Uh... Lucifer: Hello. Daniel: Whoa. What the...? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lucifer: Ah. Ah-ah-ah. It's my brother's. He left it there for safekeeping, so thanks for that. You're a lifesaver. Chloe and Charlotte are talking. Chloe: Okay, Charlotte, this has been a great chat, but are you gonna confess or what? Charlotte: I'll never understand why you concern yourselves with one little human, but... Fine. Yes, I was involved in Chet's death, but not in the way you think. Chloe: Well, correct me if I'm wrong. You killed him. You hired a cleaner to take care of the body. And then you killed the cleaner. Is that it? Charlotte: The cleaner's dead? What? Oh, that's unfortunate. I certainly had nothing to do with that. Chloe: But if you didn't, then who did? Lucifer: Mom! I've got it. Now let the Detective go. Chloe: Lucifer, put down the knife. You can't protect your mother anymore. Lucifer: I'm not protecting her. It's you I'm trying to save. Now, here it is, Mum. I have the blade and the final piece. You let the Detective go, and they are yours. Chloe: Let me go? Really? I'm the one holding her. Lucifer: Mum? Hector: No one's going anywhere! Charlotte: Oh, I think we found our mystery killer. Hector: How can you be so glib?! You were our lawyer! You betrayed us! Chloe: Put the gun down, Hector. Hector: Thank you for leading me to her, Detective. You promised to approach this fairly, and you did. But now I have to make things right for my family. Lucifer: Ah! A little wrinkle. You shoot her and we're all dead, okay? Maze is trying to help Linda. Linda: I need a hospital. Maze: Yes. Okay. Amenadiel: It's too far, Maze. She won't make it. Maze: We need to do something. We need more time. We just need more time. Amenadiel uses his power to stop the time. Maze: What are you doing? Lucifer is trying to stop Hector. Lucifer: Look, it's very difficult to explain, but believe me when I say that there are many, many lives at stake here. So, please, just put the gun down, huh? Hector sees Daniel then he shoots. Lucifer: No! The time is stop. Lucifer: Amenadiel. You son of a bitch. Maze is shocked. Maze: How? Amenadiel: Go. Lucifer and Charlotte fall off the pier. Lucifer reunites the Flaming Sword. Lucifer: I'm sorry, Mum. But I'm afraid that this ends now... You've hurt so many people, Mum. It has to stop. Charlotte: You know that everything I've done, I've done for, for us, for our family. Lucifer: You used me. Used Chloe. Charlotte: Me? What about your father? He created Chloe just to manipulate you... Lucifer, look. We have the sword. Finally, finally, we can get revenge. We can destroy him. We can take our home back. Lucifer: I'm not leaving, Mum! Charlotte: Okay. I can take care of it for both of us. Just give me the sword, and I'll do the rest. Please, son. I just... I just want a chance to start over. Lucifer: But... Going home? That's not starting over, that's... That's going backwards. And that's not good for anyone... So it's time for you to move forward, Mum... Even if it means I'll never see you again. Charlotte: Lucifer. No! Lucifer cuts the world. Lucifer: Bloody hell, it worked. I guess it can cut through anything, even the world itself. Charlotte: What is that? Lucifer: It's-it's nothing... At least, for now. This is the real way to move forward, Mum. To create a whole new world, your own world, without Father. Charlotte: But what about you? Amenadiel? My children? Lucifer: You know that if we go back to Heaven, then there will be a war. And in war, there are always casualties. Charlotte: The last thing I want is to hurt my children. Lucifer: I know. So, please, let there be light. Charlotte: My angel. I will miss you... So much. The Goddess leaves. Charlotte Richards fall on the sand. Lucifer spills the Flaming Sword, cats it in the universe and keeps Amenadiel's necklace. The time starts over. There are gunshots. Hector is dead. Linda is at the ER. On the beach, Daniel runs to see how Charlotte is. Daniel: Hey. Lucifer: I'm sorry, Daniel. She didn't... Die. Charlotte Richards wakes up. Lucifer: Mum? Charlotte Richards: "Mom"? My kids are... Ten. Lucifer: Right, of course. Charlotte. Charlotte Richards: What's... What's going on? Uh, why am I at the beach? Daniel: You fell off the pier. Charlotte Richards: I fell off the...? Daniel: It's-it's okay. I got you. Charlotte Richards: Who are you? The paramedic takes Charlotte Richards at the hospital. Lucifer: So what do you think will happen to Charlotte? Chloe: Well, given her law firm's track record, probably not much. You know, the more I think about it, the more I think that Hector killed both victims. Lucifer: What, you think he killed his own brother? Chloe: I think you would be the first to agree. You know, things between families can get pretty heated. Lucifer: Yes. Heated. Chloe: Oh, and Ella found a Mondo blowtorch in Hector's car, so there's that. Lucifer: Right. Chloe: The only thing I still don't understand is you seemed to have some inkling of this from the very beginning, so... Why didn't you let me in on it? Lucifer: Well, you... Chloe: 'Cause at this point, you either trust me or you don't. Lucifer: Detective, I trust you... Chloe: Look, if you think that I wouldn't forgive you for your mistakes or your flaws, if you think that I don't know who you really are by now, you're wrong. Lucifer visits Linda at the hospital. Lucifer: Linda, look at you. Linda: Lucifer. I'm okay. Lucifer: This is my fault. I-I should never have got you involved in any of this from the start. Linda: It's not like I didn't know I was dealing with the most powerful, well... The most dysfunctional family in the universe... Lucifer... I walked into this with my eyes wide open, chose to be your friend and face all that comes with that. The good, the bad and the crispy... What? Lucifer: I just realized something that I need to do. But... Let's focus on you, shall we? That's enough about me. Lucifer phones Chloe and lets a voice mail. Lucifer: Detective. Hello, it's me. Lucifer. Um, I just wanted to apologize for being, well, for being so elusive. But I also wanted to say that I am done hiding. So I'm coming over now to tell you the truth about me. 'Cause I think it's time I finally opened your eyes as to why strange things sometimes happen around me. Why my brother's so saintly and Maze is so... Not. And I'm so... Well, magnetic. No, but s-seriously, I... I want to tell you everything... No more going backwards. Someone knocks out Lucifer. He wakes up in the desert. His wings are back on his shoulders.

Linda attempts to conceal Charlotte's wound but Lucifer recognizes that her body will soon burst. He sends Maze to find Amenadiel while he covers up Chet's murder. Ella finds the cleaners Charlotte hired and Chloe confronts Lucifer about letting his personal problems interfere with work. Amenadiel refuses to reassemble the Blade, citing renewed loyalty to his Father. Charlotte escapes, apparently kills one of the cleaners, and forces Linda to reveal Lucifer's plan. She then threatens to kill Chloe unless the last piece of the Blade, which is in Dan's possession, is delivered to her. While Amenadiel stops time for Maze to help Linda, Chet's brother, the cleaner's real killer, attempts to shoot Lucifer and Charlotte. Lucifer ignites the Blade and opens a rift leading outside the universe, where his mother can create her own world free from God's influence, and throws the Blade through with her. Later, the real Charlotte is revived, having no memory of the time her body was inhabited, to Dan's distress. At the hospital, Linda encourages Lucifer to reveal his true nature to Chloe. Before he can, however, he is knocked out cold and wakes up to find himself in the desert with his wings restored.

fd_The_Mentalist_02x12

fd_The_Mentalist_02x12_0

CBI A TV investigative reporter is chronicling the exploits of CBI. Lisbon: The red light's on That means we're ready, yeah? Reporter: Yes. Would you tell us why and how a psychic becomes a CBI agent? Jane: I'm not a psychic. No such things as psychics. Lisbon: And he's not a CBI agent. He's a consultant. Big difference. Reporter: "no such thing as psychics." uh, care to elaborate? Jane: Uh, no, not particularly. Um, you know what? This-this is not- This is not a good idea, I don't think. Um, it's not a good idea. Reporter: (clears throat) Okay. Um, maybe we'll- we'll come back to that later. Uh, how do your cases usually start? Lisbon: Uh, a case begins with us getting a phone call from the A. G.'s office to lead an investigation. In the St. Clare homicide, the local D.A. wanted us on it because there were political issues involved. Reporter: And how did the local cops feel bout your- your team coming in? Lisbon: We get along extremely well with our local partners in law enforcement, yeah. Crime scene Sheriff: My people can handle this, no problem. California Bureau of Interference is what you are. Jane: Interference? That's witty. Lisbon: Stay out of this. I'm sure your people are competent, Chief Donner. We're simply following the A. G.'s orders. Sheriff: Screw the A. G.. This case is going to be in the news, and you people are spotlight hogs. That's all. Lisbon: I assure you, chief- Jane: Don't waste your time. His anger runs deeper than you can reach. Lisbon: Seriously, don't start trouble here. It's the last thing we need. Cho: The victim is Martha St. Clare, 34- Media relations coordinator for the mayor of this town Mayor was here to break ground on a new development, dug up her P. R. flack instead. Lisbon: Ouch. Cho: Yeah, victim was stabbed twice in the chest, but there's no blood here. Lisbon: Killed elsewhere. Jane: Home. Her nails are done. Her hair's done. This woman doesn't wear sweatpants anywhere but at home. Lisbon: Cho, have Van Pelt check it out. Jane: The killer wanted the body to be discovered here under the glare of the cameras. Lisbon: And likely came here to watch the fuss. Jane: Likely. Lisbon: Maybe the camera crews caught something. We'll need to have them look into it. (Jane is sniffing) There's bruises on her arms. Looks like something was ripped off her neck during the struggle. Sheriff: Is he sniffing her? Lisbon: Yes. Sheriff: You pay him to sniff people? Lisbon: Apparently. Jane: She's been smoking. The nicotine patch on her arm says she was trying to quit. So under stress of late. Sheriff: Well, case closed. Stress got a knife and stabbed her to death. Jane: He's on a roll. You're on a roll. (sniffs) Cheap soap. Unironed shirt. Stomach pains. Recent loss of weight. I'm gonna take a wild guess here. You're angry and unhappy 'cause you're living in a motel about the woman you're having an affair with that you don't even care for You're a seething mass of self-loathing, and understandably so. Sheriff: You son of a bitch! Lisbon: Chief Donner, my apologies. He was completely out of line. Let-let's just get back to the body. Sir? The Mentalist 2x12 CBI (the shoot continues) Lisbon: We've closed more cases than any other unit in the CBI, but we don't keep score that way. It's not a contest. Reporter: And you-you also lead in the number of complaints and lawsuits filed. Lisbon: Okay, hold it. I thought we had an agreement. Brenda, a word. (lowers voice) Lisbon: Jane's right. This isn't a good idea. I thought this was supposed to be positive coverage. Brenda: It is! It will be. If we're open and honest about the issues, the positivity follows. That's P. R. 101. Lisbon: We're trying to solve a woman's murder here, Brenda. We don't have time to waste on P. R. Brenda: Teresa, you know that we have been crucified by the media ever since Bosco and his team were killed here in our own house. When KTQZ asked me for access yesterday, I jumped at it, and the deputy A. G. concurred. Lisbon: Who is this guy anyway? Brenda: Totally legit TV investigative reporter. Mike Brewster. He has been covering the central valley for years. We need this, Teresa. Please. Work with us. Lisbon: He stays out of my way. He can film in the office and in the bullpen, but not out in the field. Brenda: Thank you. Reporter: Seriously, thank you. You won't be sorry. And it's a two-way street, Agent Lisbon. If there's anything I can do for you... Lisbon: There is one thing. video footage of the groundbreaking Reporter: Okay, so this is the footage Steve and I grabbed of the groundbreaking. That's the Mayor- Melba Walker Shannon. She plays up the folksy image, but she can be tough as nails if she needs to be. Jane: Nice shoes. Chip? Cho: No, thanks. Who's the rich guy next to the mayor? Reporter: Oh, that's Heaton Krupp. He's the private developer On the project- off the record, a prize jerk. Lisbon: Who are those people? Reporter: Tree huggers. The project's going up on the edge of some reclaimed land. Lisbon: You mean protected wildlands. Reporter: You say "potato." Lisbon: You have any other footage of the crowds? Reporter: Not really. Other networks might, but gaining access can be tricky. Lisbon: It'd be good to get a different perspective. Cho, see if you can get the footage. Cho: You got it. Reporter: All right, that's Wilson Fonteneau, The mayor's flunky, and here comes the money shot. Jane: Whew. Van Pelt gives Lisbon stuff from St. Claire's house. Van Pelt: These are from the victim's home. Besides the signs of a scuffle, the only thing that seemed to be missing was the victim's laptop. The murderer probably took it. Lisbon: Check out this necklace. Van Pelt: From the photos, it looks like she wore it a lot. You think it could have made the mark on her neck? Lisbon: Could be. When you go to the apartment, do a targeted search. Jane: The necklace is long gone. My guess-the killer made a souvenir of it. Lisbon: Go. Van Pelt: Okay. Jane: Where we going? Lisbon: Mayor's office. Back on camera Lisbon: I don't have any problem being in charge, no. I mean, maybe at first for a while, as a woman, it was a challenge, but the demands of the job take over. Yeah. Reporter: Tell me about your weekends. Lisbon: You want to know what I do on my weekends? Reporter: Yeah. Lisbon: Why do you want to know that? I mean, I have no problem having a life, if that's what you mean. I don't know why anybody would say otherwise- If they do say otherwise. Um, I'm sorry. What were we talking about? Town hall Assistant: Sorry for the delay. The mayor's just finishing up another meeting. It's been a crazy day around here. Can I help you? Jane: Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks. Lisbon: Mr. Fonteneau, did you work closely with Martha St. Clare? Assistant: For 16 months. Martha hired me, actually. Lisbon: We noticed in a lot of recent photographs that she had a-a necklace on with a beautiful stone. Assistant: Yes, a topaz, I think. It was her birthstone. She got it Christmas of last year and never took it off. Lisbon: Do you know who gave it to her? Assistant: No. Jane: She had a lot of meetings, even on weekends- Business interests, community groups, book club. Tomorrow is a big day. She has a star and 3 exclamation marks at 11:00. Assistant: Yes. Uh, she scheduled a briefing with the city council. Lisbon: On what subject? Assistant: I don't know, to be honest. The mayor will know. Jane: Was she dating anyone? Assistant: A social life-Martha? No, she had a cat. Jane: Ah. Yes. See? Assistant: But it died. Jane: Right. Mayor: Excuse me. Are you the CBI Agents? Lisbon: Mayor, thank you for seeing us. Mayor: Happy to help, and please call me Melba. Jane: Like the toast? Mayor: Just like. This way. Mayor's office Lisbon: Can you tell us about your construction project that you were opening yesterday? Mayor: It's the Granton Complex, yes. We are very proud of it. It's office and retail space plus housing, all built with the latest green technology. Lisbon: And what was Martha's involvement in the project? Mayor: None, really. She... She was my media liaison. She was not engaged in policy issues. Lisbon: Then what was she gonna talk about at city council tomorrow? Mayor: Oh, a press junket. It was river rafting, I believe. Lisbon: Chief Donner says your office has received several threats from environmental activists. Mayor: Activists? No, they're terrorists. They burned down vacation condos up on the mountain. They destroyed luxury car lots just one town over. They're led by a madman, and he calls himself Jasper. Excuse me. Fountenot comes in with a note Mayor: Wilson, anything else can wait. Lisbon: The threats? Mayor: Yes. Um... She shows the video threats from the environmentalists (voice distorted): The Granton development is an abomination A hundred acres of pristine wildlands razed, an entire ecosystem endangered. It must stop. It will stop, no matter what needs to be done. My name is Jasper, and I am legion. (chuckling) Jane: Come on. "I am legion." that's just silly. Mayor: Silly? Jane: Yeah. Mayor: He murdered Martha. Jane: Well, you assume. Mayor: Yes, I do. The body was buried at the site, for God's sake. And that is a clear message, isn't it? Jane: Melba, why would he kill Martha... and not kill you? It'd be a bigger publicity coup. Mayor: Excuse me? Lisbon: Uh... What Mr. Jane is trying to ask is whether there was somebody with a more direct personal grudge against Martha. Jane: Mm... Lisbon: Yeah. Jane: No. Mayor: She was a lovely- was a lovely person. Jane: Oh, then why did you dislike her so much? Mayor: I didn't dislike Martha. Why would I employ someone that I don't like? Jane: That's a very good question. When you said it, your jaw tensed and your eyes went empty like a cobra. Mayor: Wilson! Jane: I'm not saying you killed her. I'm just saying that you're relieved that she's dead. Mayor: These people will be leaving now. Jane: Oh, I like the way you say that, Melba-like-the-toast- So tough and commanding. Let me tell you something. We are state law enforcement, and we leave when we want to leave. Lisbon: Thank you for your time. Jane: She wants to leave. See yah. Jane: You blew my cool. Lisbon: I swear, sometimes I think you need medication. It's like you've got A. D.D. or something. Jane: Well, "A, " I'm not so sure that A. D.D. even exists, and "B, " I was winding her up for a reason. Lisbon: Which is? Jane: A diversion. The message the aide brought in made her nervous, so I took it. Lisbon: You're stealing now? Jane: Well, let's just call it purloining. Lisbon: What does it say? Brewster is asking Jane, lying on a couch It says "your 3:00 meeting has now been moved to 3:15." I'm just kidding. It says, "9-1-1. Call now. Urgent. About Martha." From Heaton Krupp. Lisbon: The developer of the Granton project. Jane: Oh, yeah. CBI Brewster is asking Jane, lying on a couch. Reporter: Do you enjoy police work? Jane: Mm... Reporter: Patrick? Jane: Uh, yeah, I'm thinking. Uh, mm, yes and no. Uh, yeah, sometimes. Sometimes not. Reporter: Forget it, Steve. Why do you so dislike being filmed? Jane: 'cause you're stealing my soul. Cho and Rigsby go to the contractor Krupp: So I called the mayor. So what? I'm building a $20 million complex in her town. I call her a lot. Rigsby: About Ms. St. Clare? Krupp: About when I can start construction again. This is costing me hundreds of thousands of dollars. Cho: It cost Ms. St. Clare a lot more. Krupp: And I'm sorry about that. I am. But there's nothing I can do about it. Martha would have wanted us to go on. Cho: You knew her well enough to know that? Krupp: You're right. I'm being pious. Maybe Martha would have said, "screw it." I knew her not at all outside of business. Rigsby: Really? 'cause we just got her cell phone records, and you called her ten times yesterday. You want to tell us what you wanted to talk about so urgently? Krupp: Seems I should get my lawyer, have him sit in with us. Rigsby: Sure. That's your right. Cho: Tell him to bring all your permits for the Granton project. Krupp: My permits? Why? Cho: Why not? Rigsby: And we should make sure this stays an active crime scene- Keep everyone out until the case is solved. Cho: Could take weeks. Krupp: See... we were talking about money, okay? $10 million in public funds was to be released When we broke ground. Then I heard rumors that St. Clare was planning to tell the city council to withhold them. Rigsby: Why? Krupp: I don't know! I mean, that's what I was trying to find out. Cho: But St. Clare was killed before she could talk to the city council. Krupp: Yes, but- Rigsby: So the $10 million will come to you after all. Krupp: What are you-are you trying to lay this on me? Because you're messing with the wrong guy, officer! Cho: We're not officers. We're Agents. That's quite a temper you got there. (glass shatters) someone throws a Molotov cocktail in the window of the trailer Rigsby: Look out! (grunts) Cho: get down, get down! Rigsby: Get on the floor! Help! (shouting indistinctly) Cho: I got the door! Go, go, go, go! I got the door! (grunting) Aah! I got you. (glass shatters) (coughs) (all coughing and wheezing) Cho: This was done by someone who knew what he or she was doing. Krupp: (coughing) crackpot Jasper. He's a terrorist, and you ain't doing Jack to catch him, chief. Chief of police: I'm in charge of the town of Salter, Mr. Krupp, not the outlying areas. (indistinct police radio chatter) Jasper's never launched an attack here in town before. Cho: Until now. Rigsby: Hey! Check this out. Apparently, this is the same tag that Jasper used in the attack on the condos. CBI At the office Rigsby is interviewed by Brewster. Rigsby: It's good just here? Reporter: That's great. Rigsby: Uh, I've been in fires before. I worked with the, uh, arson squad in San Diego for a couple years, so I'm not unfamiliar with the issues. It's never pleasant, though. (chuckles) Um, I mean, when you're- When you're in it, it's- there's no time to think. But-but afterwards, well... Yeah. It can make you think. There was a... There was a moment there where, uh... Yeah, makes you think. It's a gift, isn't it? Life. You should be grateful for it... Make the most of it. Van Pelt: We have to catch this guy before he kills someone else. Jane: He hasn't killed anyone yet. Van Pelt: Not Martha St. Clare? Jane: Eh. Cho: Martha St. Clare was about to stall the development. That exactly what Jasper wants. So why kill her? Lisbon: Maybe he didn't know Martha's intentions. Jane: But the mayor must have known. Let's go see her. Lisbon: Yeah. You guys look into this Jasper character. Jane: Don't bother. Van Pelt: What does that mean, anyway- a red herring? Lisbon: A red herring is what you look in to regardless of what Jane tells you. Anything on the networks' footage? Cho: They've been throwing up hurdles- Something about first amendment issues. Lisbon: Get the footage. I'm tired of hearing their excuses. We I. D. Somebody in the crowd, maybe we get lucky. Cho: Yes, boss. Cho is interviewed by Brewster Cho: Why am I a detective? Why are you a reporter? Reporter: What? Cho: Why are you making this documentary? Reporter: It's a fresh perspective on law enforcement. Cho: No, I mean, what's in it for you? Reporter: Well, uh, scoring this exclusive is a good way to get noticed. Cho: So you're ambitious. How long you been doing the news here? Reporter: About eight years. Cho: Anchor? Reporter: Mostly fieldwork. Cho: So you're ambitious, but you haven't gotten very far. Reporter: I, uh, I guess that's about it, yeah. You don't like being asked questions, do you? The team as a whole seems to have a problem with that. Cho: Is that a question? Brenda: Mike, if I can interrupt here? Reporter: Yeah. Cameraman: We're clear. Brenda: Uh, there's coffee in the kitchen, John. I'm so sorry. Agent Cho? Cho: Yeah? Brenda: It is the specific request of the deputy A. G. that your unit cooperate fully with the media. Cho: What's your point? (coughs) (Rigsby clears throat) Ohh. (Rigsby coughs) [SCENE_BREAK] Town hall Lisbon: Mayor Shannon, we need to talk. Mayor: Of course. I have a meeting. Please make it fast. Jane: Sure. How big was your bribe from Heaton Krupp? Mayor: That is an outrageous slander. Jane: You sold your approval of the Granton project. Martha found out. She was gonna reveal it at the city council meeting, which you said was gonna be about river rafting, of all things. River rafting- from where did you pull that? Mayor: You better have really good personal lawyers. If you pursue this absurd line of harassment, I will hang you by your heels. Jane: Did you get a slice, too, or are you strictly wage labor? Assistant: I- Mayor: your superiors will hear from our lawyers. Jane: Oh, don't bother with lawyers. It's such a waste of taxpayer dollars. Just confess. You'll feel a lot better. Assistant: In actuality, you have no proof of this so-called bribery. Jane: Uh, none at all. Mayor: Are all CBI Agents this incompetent? Have you even bothered to check her lover as a suspect? Jane: First you say it was Jasper. Now it's the lover that did it. You gonna make up your mind? Lisbon: What lover? We understood she had no social life. Assistant: I didn't know she did. Mayor: Oh, well, she did, and competent police would have known that. Lisbon: Why didn't you tell this earlier? Mayor: Why don't I just do your job for you? How would that be? Jane: Oh, just please arrest her or something. Lisbon: Nothing to hold her on. CBI Van Pelt is interviewed. VanPelt: I'm the rookie on the team. (chuckles) Been here... 18 months now. Um, it's hard work, but this has been my dream ever since I was a kid- to be a Detective. Reporter: And what's been the most surprising thing you've learned about this job you do? VanPelt: I've... learned a lot about myself... As well as about other people- stuff I wish I didn't know sometimes. Reporter: Stuff like... VanPelt: Why people do bad things to one another. It's mainly because of secrets. Trying to hide the truth chips away at your spirit. Secrets ruin relationships. The gang watches all of the footage of the groundbreaking. VanPelt: We finally got the footage from every news station covering the groundbreaking ceremony. Apparently, threats work. These are two separate vantage points of the mayor, and these are feeds of the crowd. There-that guy (clicking) Lisbon: Can you narrow it down for us? There's, like, 50 guys there. VanPelt: The guy in the crowd there- After the mayor digs up the victim. Jane: He certainly doesn't look like he fits in. Oh, that's bold. Lisbon: A Jasper acolyte. VanPelt: Or the man himself. Lisbon: Get with the local P. D. See if they can identify him. What is it? Jane: Nothing. Just hungry. Rigsby: So we went back to St. Clare's apartment, went through her closet and realized that some of her work shirts- Jane: button on the right. Rigsby: Yeah, and not her size. Lisbon: So the mayor was right. She did have a lover. Jane: Of course she had a lover. That necklace she always wore was obviously a romantic gift. She'd never spend that kind of money on herself. Lisbon: Now you say so Very wise in hindsight. Jane: Well, I thought it went without saying. It's horribly obvious when people are in a relationship- Impossible to hide, try though they might. She was a very attractive woman. I would not be surprised if she had two lovers. There is nothing here. I'm gonna go out for lunch. Turn that thing off, or I will shove it down your throat. Lisbon: Let's take a walk, shall we? Come on. Lisbon pulls Jane aside. Lisbon: I know it hasn't been the most pleasant experience having a camera crew here. But you gotta cooperate- deputy A. G.'s orders. Jane: Yeah. Lisbon: So what's the deal? I would think out of everybody, you'd be the most comfortable with the cameras. Jane: Mm. Last time I was in front of a camera, things, uh didn't turn out so well. Lisbon: Oh, God, Jane, I'm sorry. Jane: You don't need to be sorry, and you're right. There's no reason not to be civil. I'm going to apologize. Jane goes back and apologizes to Brewster and his camera guy. Reporter: Hey, I'm sorry We didn't mean to be intrusive. Jane: No, I-I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm sorry. I just-I don't like feeling spied on. It's my own little neurosis. You're just doing your job, right? Reporter: Right. Jane: Well, let me buy you a taco. Reporter: Sure. Jane: I know you're in. Cameraman: I am kind of hungry. Jane: That's the spirit. I know the perfect place. V monos Street Jane: Muchas gracias. Mike. Reporter: Thank you. Jane: Steve. So tell me about news gathering. Steve: You get an assignment, and pretty much- (crowd gasping and murmuring) Reporter: Did you get that? Did you get it? (sighs) Jane is led through the woods with a blindfold. Man: Keep moving. Let's go. Jane: I don't know where we're going, but I hope there's a bathroom. I am busting. Ohh. CBI Van Pelt: Definitely Jasper. The description of the van matches one seen near the condo fire and the luxury car lot Jasper destroyed. Lisbon: How long has Chief Donner had this information? Contact the local and the county P. D. Van Pelt: On it. Cho: We got a hit on the Jasper associate at the groundbreaking ceremony. Local activists draw the line at kidnapping. They gave this guy up fast. Lisbon: Bart Henrik. On his blog, he calls himself a green warrior. He's been arrested several times for inciting a riot, public disorder and vandalism. Go find him. Take Rigsby. Cho: You got it. The cabin (crickets chirping) (clicks) Jane is led into an old cabin in the woods and handcuffed to a chair. Jane: I can see you mean business. Uh, there's no need for firearms. I'm not Harry Houdini. Man: Quiet. Jane: Thank you. So you're Jasper. Well, I'm honored. Please don't say you kidnapped me for ransom, because I-I doubt you'll get $50, let alone save the whales. Jasper: No ransom. In actuality, just a simple message- I did not kill Martha St. Clare and I didn't throw that firebomb in Krupp's office. And you-you are gonna tell that to the police and to the media. Jane: So you kidnapped me to proclaim your innocence. Have you ever heard of a phone? Oh, yeah. I see. If you kidnap me, and I pass on the message, then you get a blast of that publicity that you love. Jasper: If I am branded a killer, everything I have fought for is discredited. People support me because I have respect for all living things. Jane: Yes. Yes, it's a good rule of thumb to avoid doing things that require you to wear a mask. And you're such a handsome fellow, too. Jasper: How'd you know I'm handsome? Jane: Well, I was just speaking figuratively. Jasper: No, you weren't. You know who I am. Jane: No, I have no idea. Jasper: Leave and don't come back. Jane: No, he doesn't have to go anywhere. I-I-I- Will you listen to me? I have no idea- You could be Elvis Presley, for all I know. Jasper: How did you know? Jane: I don't know. Jasper: How did you... Jane: Please don't do that. Pl- (sighs) (grunts) Jasper takes off his mask. Jasper: How did you know? Jane: Well, what's not to know? Your height, your body language, Your syntax. You said "in actuality." I mean, who-who says "in actuality"? Jasper: Yes. Jane: (whispers) yeah. Jasper: Very clever. So now we have a problem. CBI Cho brings in the guy from the groundbreaking. Bart: Get that thing out of my face! Cho: Jasper kidnapped our colleague. Where are they? Bart: Jasper who? Rigsby: Did you know you can get more time for kidnapping than murder? That's crazy, right? Cho: And being an accessory after the fact makes you just as guilty as Jasper. Bart: Man, Jasper's avenging mother earth. That's all. Cho: You know him well enough to be sure of his motives. Bart: Yes. Cho: You know him so well you can tell us where he might be. Bart: Even if I knew, which I don't, I would never betray Jasper. Cho: "never" is a big word. Bart: Try me. Rigsby: What would Jane want us to do in this situation, Cho? With his life in jeopardy? Cho: You know what he'd want us to do. Rigsby: Yep. Okay. I guess we have to go there. Cho: We should call an ambulance. It's procedure. Rigsby: Sure. They can set it fast, and we can get straight back to questioning. Bart: Wait. Set what? (loud clank) Cho: Your arm-you broke it, slipped on the stairs. Rigsby: Yeah, you should be more careful, Henrik. Bart: Hey. Hey. A bunch of people saw me come in here fine. Rigsby: A bunch of cops and I'm one of them. I saw you fall. And every cop in this building will say exactly the same. (thud) (blinds rattle) Rigsby: A cabin in the Sierra foothills, 10 miles northeast of Salter. Lisbon: Nice work. The cabin Jasper: What to do? What to do? If I let you go now, you'll rat me out. Jane: If I may make a suggestion? Jasper: No, you may not. Jane: Please, Wilson. I can help. Jasper: I cannot go to prison. I need to finish my work. Don't you see? Jane: I do. I see. Your work is very important. But what I don't understand, though, Is why you were working in the mayor's office. Jasper: Where better to study the enemy than from within their very camp? Jane: Did you know that the mayor was taking bribes from the developer Krupp? Jasper: Of course. Who do you think put Martha onto it? Jane: Ah. You told her. But why not expose the mayor yourself or do it as Jasper? Jasper: They would know that Jasper was inside the mayor's office. They would soon suspect me. I work in the shadows. That's why I am still here, still fighting. Jane: I understand. Let me help you. Jasper: Don't try to play me. Don't go saying you won't tell on me if I set you free, because I know you will. Jane: Wilson, I am not trying to play you. I will not play you. I understand and respect your intelligence. Have a seat. Just take a moment. Wilson, look at me. I can help you. Jasper: (whispers) how? Jane: Look at me. You can see that I'm telling the truth. I want what you want- Peace and harmony. Peace... Quiet... It's easy. You can have it. If you want it, you can have it. So peaceful. Chief of police: This is Chief Donner of the Salter Police Department! You're completely surrounded. Come out with your hands up! Jane: Stay cool. Just stay cool. Cho: Clear! Rigsby: Clear! Lisbon: I'm good. I got him. I got him. Jane: Lisbon? Lisbon: J-Jane. Jane: Wow. I'm impressed. How the hell did you find me out here? Lisbon: Right, because we're lost without you? Jane: Well, I wouldn't say that, but I'm still impressed. Lisbon: Wait. I-don't move. Ohh. They could have booby-trapped the place. We'll have the bomb squad take a look at you. Jane: What? (mutters) you're kidding. You're kidding. I'm-I'm thankful and all that, but just get me out of here, and I'll tell you the story. Lisbon: What story? (handcuffs clatter) CBI Rigsby: So we know who Jasper is. Cho: Fonteneau. Rigsby: No trace of him. Slipped right through the locals' hands. He's one man, for crying out loud. Cho: Well, he obviously knows those woods a lot better. Lisbon: Jane, enough recovery time Tell us about Fonteneau. What'd he say? Jane: Well, he spouted a lot of nonsense, denial. Truth is, he took the job in the mayor's office yo plan targeted attacks on new developments around town. He and St. Clare became lovers. Cho: Secret boyfriend. Jane: But when St. Clare found out about Fonteneau's secret life as Jasper, he killed her for it, to keep her quiet. Van Pelt: I'll check on the warrant for Fonteneau's place. Lisbon: Get everybody briefed, suited up and ready to roll. Jane: Oh, look for St. Clare's necklace. It was a gift from Fonteneau. my guess-he took it when he killed her. We need it. Lisbon: You guys sit on the location until the warrant comes in. (phone) Chief Donner? Yeah, I-it's Lisbon. Jane: Oh, I need some aspirin. Lisbon: Yeah. (pills rattle) Lisbon: (phone)Yeah, I-I just wanted- could you hold on, chief? Look, that's enough, guys. We're done filming. Reporter: You know, catching the bad guy would be a great end of the show, make you guys look like superstars. Jane: Well, it'd certainly make the deputy A. G. Very happy. Lisbon: True. All right You can film the bust, but you have to do exactly what I say. Deal Meet me at Fonteneau's at 06:00 hours. Reporter: Yes, ma'am. Lisbon: Hey. Chief, we're gonna need assistance from your entry team again. Fonteneau's place Reporter: What now? Cho: We set a perimeter and wait for the warrant. Jane: Yeah, there's a lot of this kind of stuff. Not too many car chases. Reporter: Maybe we could, uh, ask a few questions while we're waiting? Jane: Uh... Sure. If you must. Reporter: Um, how did you come to work with the CBI? Jane: You know how. Reporter: Yes, but I-I need you to say it to the camera. Jane: I got it. (sighs deeply) Um... Well, I came to work with the CBI after my wife and child were murdered. Have you ever experienced loss like that? A loss of love? There's nothing more important than love, is there? Reporter: Well, we're talking about you. Jane: Yeah. It can be very hard when love goes away. It's like a... A betrayal, almost like a violent act, right? Right? Reporter: I guess. Um, why don't-why don't we go back to, um- Jane: When you give someone your heart and they throw it aside, iIt's natural to be angry. Especially when you've come to rely on them, when your career is tied to theirs. Reporter: I don't know what you're, uh- Jane: Why don't you show us what you got in your pockets? Reporter: What? Jane: You heard me. Reporter: No. Jane: Why not? Reporter: Because you don't have the right. Jane: Okay. Okay. I'll tell you what you have in your pocket, and you tell me if I'm right. In your pocket, you have a blue topaz necklace that you once gave to Martha St. Clare when you were lovers. You took that necklace back after you killed her. You were gonna plant it in Fonteneau's house, prompted by my cunningly brilliant ruse. Aha. That's it. Reporter: I don't know how that got in there. Jane: Oh, please. Don't be so silly. Arrest him, Cho. Cho: Get on your knees. Put your hands on your head. Now! (click) Get up. Jane: That's for you. And this... Is for me. CBI Jane and Lisbon watch the footage of the groundbreaking. Jane: Here it comes. Bang. There. You looked away. Martha St. Clare's body hasn't been revealed, and you looked away, because you knew what was gonna happen, because you buried that body at that building site and you firebombed the trailer to try and frame Jasper. You're too clever, Mike, you're just too clever. Mike: Nah. You spout a lot of theory, But no legal proof. Lisbon: Ah. You want legal proof? The lab reports came back. They found traces of Martha's blood in the trunk of your car. Do you want to tell us what happened? Mike: Rumors said the mayor was dirty, but there was no proof. I knew something was up. But... no matter how much I pushed her, Martha wouldn't say anything. Nothing. And last night, I was going through her computer just checking on some stuff, you know? I found this speech she was preparing to give, exposing the mayor as corrupt, with proof- Facts and figures, the whole deal. And she kept it from me the whole time. This is a story that could have made my career. I have been waiting for a story like this my whole life. And she's mad 'cause I'm on her computer. Hello. So she... She said, uh, she couldn't trust me anymore and that it was over. The argument escalated, and, uh, I took my necklace back. And then she starts taunting me, you know, implying that I don't have what it takes to be in the big leagues anyway, saying I'm a loser. She's had enough? She's had enough? She has? No, no, no, no. I've had enough. Me! Lisbon: Well... We'll take that as a confession. The gang watches mayor Melba get arrested. Reporter: In a stunning revelation, mayor Melba Walker Shannon has been arrested by the D.A. for corruption charges stemming from the Granton at Salter development. The accuser is her closest aide, Wilson Fonteneau, who agreed to testify against the mayor in exchange for leniency regarding his activities as eco-terrorist "Jasper." This only the latest development in a bizarre story of murder and greed that has captivated the central valley. Jane: Hey. I was enjoying that. Lisbon: Ugh. I hate how they overdramatize everything. Cho: Yeah, I hate that. Lisbon: (deepens voice) "captured the central valley." (normal voice) give me a break. Rigsby: Doughnuts. Jane: Thanks. Ladies first. Rigsby: So, uh, guys? Uh, I have something to say. Van Pelt: We have something to say. Rigsby: Uh, life's too short for dishonesty Van Pelt- Grace and I are... Lovers. Lisbon: No, you're not. Van Pelt: Um, yes, we are. Lisbon: No, you are not lovers. Rigsby: Uh, but we are, though. Lisbon: No, you're not, because a sexual relationship between two fellow bureau employees is strictly against the rules. Van Pelt: Which is why we kept it a secret. Rigsby: But we don't want to live a lie anymore. (inhales deeply) come what may. (chuckles) Jane: Well, it's a big secret. Well-kept. Rigsby: Well, maybe you knew, but nobody else did. Cho: I knew. Half the building knows. Rigsby: They do not. Jane: The only person that didn't know is glaring at you right now. Lisbon: And now I have to do something about it. Cho: What are you gonna do? Jane: Yeah, what are you gonna do? Lisbon: I'm thinking. Go.

Jane and the CBI team are assigned to investigate the murder of Martha St Clair, a mayor's aide and media liaison, after the body is accidentally dug up by the mayor during the groundbreaking ceremony for Central Valley's large Granton building development. Jane riles the mayor, Melba Walker Shannon, and her personal assistant Wilson, especially after the CBI team uncovers the mayor's corrupt backhander from the developer. It is a case that draws the attention of the media and local eco-terrorists, with one suspect being the masked leader of the eco-warriors (pseudonym Jasper). Mike Brewster, a reporter, is assigned to watch the team's work and take some interviews with the staff, but initially he encounters a lack of co-operation until Jane decides to make amends and get to know him, but Jane is kidnapped by Jasper while out with Brewster. Jasper tells Jane he is not the murderer and Jane unmasks him as Wilson - he had gone undercover as the mayor's P.A. After Jane is rescued, Lisbon allows Brewster to observe as they stake out a suspect, but it leads instead to a surprise revelation by Jane that Brewster is the murderer - he killed Martha because she kept it a secret from him that she had discovered the mayor's corruption when as a reporter breaking that story would have made his career. Later, Rigsby and Van Pelt make a big announcement to their CBI team -- they are lovers; this causes a problem because until now everyone but Lisbon knew, but now she officially knows they are breaking regulations.

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[Scene: Joey is alone in Dawson's room, watching the movie that Dawson and Oliver made. She wipes a tear from her eye and hits stop when the credits begin.] Joey: [Sniffles] Dawson: Is it over? Joey: Uh, yeah, 2 hours and 45 minutes later. Dawson: I know. It's the director's cut. It's way too long. It's--it-- are you crying? Joey: No. Dawson: 'Cause it looks like you might have been Joey: ok, there may have been a tear shed or something. I don't remember. Dawson: You were crying. That's a good thing, right? Joey: Not unless I was bored to tears. Dawson: See, that's just mean. Joey: I know. I'm sorry. Nothing brings out the inner bully in me quite like the sight of a nervous filmmaker. Dawson: [Laughs] Well? Joey: It's good. It's really good. Dawson: You think? Joey: Yeah, I mean, I can see something actually happening with this. Dawson: Really? Joey: Yeah. That's why I was crying. It's a pretty amazing thing to be there for the moment your best friend becomes exactly what he's dreamt about his entire life. And you know what was really surprising? Dawson: What? Joey: Charlie. Dawson: What about him? Joey: He was... shockingly good. Dawson: I know. It kills me! In real life, the guy barely passes for human, but on-screen he's got something. I don't know what it is, but it works. Joey: He's not that bad of a guy, Dawson. I know he was a jerk to Jen, but I think that was more out of fear than anything else. Underneath the hair and the attitude, I think he [Oliver comes up the stairs into Dawson's Room.] Oliver: holy smokes, leery. You work fast, don't ya? Break up with betty, and you already got veronica in your bed. Hey! How'd you like the movie? Did she like the movie? Joey: If you would let me respond, I could tell you. I thought it was excellent. Oliver: Yeah. Yeah, I know. But was there ever any doubt? But this is good news, huh? Because it's high time we screen this puppy. Dawson: Yeah, we still got a lotta work to do. Oliver: Well, then you better get to work, chief. Tomorrow's approaching awfully fast! Dawson: Excuse me? Oliver: Ooh... I forgot to tell you, didn't I? Dawson: Silly me. Silly what? Oliver: We're screening the movie tomorrow at school for cast, crew, and assorted highbrow intellectuals. Dawson: No, we're not. Oliver: See...I knew you'd have that reaction. That's why I went around you. The train has left the station. Dawson: Excuse me. [Dawson follows Oliver downstairs and Joey hits rewind and pauses the picture on Charlie] [Opening credits] [Scene: At the Film lab. Dawson and Oliver are talking about the movie, while looking at it in one of the editing programs on the computers.] Oliver: Seriously, not only is this the best movie I've ever been associated with, but this just might be the best movie ever. Dawson: Are you joking? It's-- it's way too long, it's like the English Patient without the laughs. Oliver: Dawson, you're being way too hard on yourself here. I mean, I'm the writer. I'm the one who's supposed to loathe my own work, but I don't. Actually, I think it kicks some serious donkey ass. Dawson: I'm not saying it-- never mind. I'm not saying it's terrible. I'm saying it needs a hell of a lot of work. Entire scenes need to be reshot. Oliver: Which ones? Dawson: The s*x scene, for one. Oliver: Why? Dawson: From a certain angle, you can actually see Charlie in all of his...glory. Oliver: You don't say. Is it substantial? Dawson: It's enough to warrant its own credit in the main titles. Oliver: When the film's inevitably acquired by a major studio, we'll have the cash to CGI it out of there. Next? Dawson: I feel like I'm working with Gilbert Godfrey. This is...I... Oliver: you know what the real problem is, right? Dawson: [Laughs] Please, enlighten me. Oliver: You're still reeling from your breakup with Jen. Dawson: I don't think that's it, Oliver. Oliver: Come on, captain. You dated her for months. She helped you grieve. She robbed you of your precious flower, right? I mean, I don't care how cool you wanna play that off, but that means something, bucko, seriously. Do you wanna talk about it? Dawson: No. Oliver: Great. Can I ask you another question? Dawson: Sure. Oliver: Well... would it be a problem if I were to, say, ask her out? [Scene: Brecher's House. Pacey is house sitting for Brecher, and having mad s*x with Audrey. We hear the clunk of Pacey falling out of bed, and we see Audrey looking over the edge of the bed at him.] Pacey: [panting] Where...on earth... did you learn how to do that? Audrey: National geographic. [Both laugh] Audrey: But most guys lose consciousness somewhere in the middle. Pacey: How many guys have you done that with? Audrey: Enough to know you've got staying power. Pacey: [Grunts as he climbs back into the bed] Audrey: [Chuckles] I'm really glad that Brecher decided to take his wife to the Caribbean, and I am really glad that they asked you to stay here while they're gone. Pacey: I'm as glad as you are. I am more glad. I am gladder. Gladdest. And I can't feel anything below my waist. Is that supposed to happen? Audrey: Give me another hour, you'll be in a coma. Pacey: How many is enough? Audrey: What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? Pacey: Oh, you know, it's nothing, just--ahem-- how many...guys... is enough to... Audrey: have I given access to my most intimate of areas? Pacey: Well, yeah. Respectfully, of course. Audrey: You're really asking me this question? Pacey: No, because it's none of my business. Forget I asked. Audrey: Mm... how many girls have you Pacey: 6. 7 including you. Audrey: Didn't take you long to think of that one. Pacey: Nope. Ha ha. Audrey: That's not...a lot. Pacey: That's not a lot compared to what? Audrey: Compared to other people. Pacey: Other people like you? Audrey: You totally are asking me that question! Pacey: I told you mine. Audrey: You don't wanna know how many men I've slept with, Pacey. Trust me. You think you do right now, but once I've told you, you'd wish I hadn't. Pacey: It's that many? Audrey: [Laughs] Let's put it this way. Have you ever heard of Emmanuelle, lady Chatterley, Madonna? Pacey: Oh, yeah. Audrey: Prudes. [Scene: Grams' House. Jen is in the kitchen leaning against the counter reading something when Dawson comes downstairs and stops for a second when he sees her.] Dawson: Hey. Jen: Oh, hi. What's going on? Dawson: Nothing. That's not true, actually. Uh... what's going on? I'm, uh... I'm nervous about the screening today. The movie's not-- it's not finished. But from the outside perspective, it looks like it's finished. But it's-- really, it-- it's not...finished. Why are you smiling? Jen: It's ok if this is weird. Dawson: Which thing? Jen: You and me. Dawson: Ah. [Laughs] Jen: I think it's ok if we don't know how to do this next part. I think it'd be odd if we did, right? Dawson: Right. Right, it's just-- no. Jen: What? Dawson: No, it just-- this is such a familiar scene, you know? You and me in here just kind of checking in with each other before we go out into the world... it was such a comfort. Jen: For me, too. I don't think that has to stop. I hope not. Dawson: Right, but... last week you were up against the counter and I was covering your face with kisses, and now... we can't do that. I mean, it's-- that's done. [She goes over and gives him a kiss on the cheek.] Jen: Who's to say what we can and can't do? [Scene: Joey and Audrey's Dorm room. Audrey comes in while Joey is doing her make-up at her desk. Audrey goes over and talks to her.] Audrey: You saw the movie? Joey: Mm-hmm. I said that, didn't I? Didn't I just say that? Audrey: I want you to be honest with me, Joey. Friends are honest, and that's what you've got to be: Honest and unmerciful. How brilliant was I? Joey: You were horrible. Audrey: Give it to me straight. I can handle it. Joey: No. You're washed up. You're no good. Audrey: Stop sugarcoating! What is the bottom line? Joey: Audrey, you were fantastic! You're charming and funny and beautiful and sexy, and you have amazing chemistry with Charlie, who, surprisingly, is really good. Audrey: Charlie? Why are we talking about Charlie here? This is about me: My performance, my appearance, my future career. I'm a neurotic actress, for crying out loud. Have some sensitivity. Joey: Audrey, you're gonna see the movie in less than 3 hours. Stop interrogating me. Audrey: You look hot. Why do you look hot? Joey: Well, I don't know. I just Audrey: wait. Do I look hot? In the movie, I mean. Do I look hot or do I look scorching? What scene do I look best in? Is it the end? I bet it's the end, isn't it? Joey: Audrey. Audrey: Sorry. Sorry. [Sighs] Can I ask you one more question? It's not about the movie. Joey: Well, if it's about you, I got nothin' left. Audrey: No. It's about Pacey. This morning, we were talking, and he asked me how many guys I'd slept with. Joey: He did? Audrey: Yeah. Well... sort of. I don't know. It came up. Joey: Did you tell him? Audrey: No! No! Not yet! I'm debating it. What do you think I should do? Joey: I don't know. Audrey: Well, what would you do? Joey: Well, I have to say that honesty has always worked for me. Audrey: I should tell him. Joey: Hmm, but then again, the male ego is a very fragile and delicate thing, and if he's asking you the question, it's probably because he's harboring some deep insecurities, in which case, the answer would do more harm than good. Audrey: I shouldn't tell him. Joey: It depends. Audrey: On what? Joey: On how many guys you've slept with. [Scene: Inside Pacey's Car. Pacey and Audrey are driving around looking for a place to park.] Audrey: Usually, I don't like to watch the work that I've done. I feel like it interferes with my process, but I'm willing to make an exception for Dawson. You know, he's my friend. Pacey: Well, that's generous of you. Audrey: Ok. I still didn't understand why Joey got dropped off front, but I have to search for a parking space with you. Pacey: It's all part of the deal. Audrey: [Laughs] And what deal would that be? Pacey: You know, our arrangement we got goin'. Audrey: And what arrangement would that be? Pacey: Well, I mean, I understand where there's no clear definitions to the arrangement that we have, but I was thinking, actually, that we-- you know, we might want to get into that point where we start defining how it is that-- god, man, my palms are sweaty. Why is that? Audrey: 27. Pacey: Whoo! What? Audrey: 27 men. Pacey: What?! Audrey: Stop, please! [She point forward just as they crash slowly into another car. ] [Scene: Grams' House. Jen comes down the stairs going for the door as she yells up to Jack.] Jen: Jack, hurry up! I don't want to be late. [She opens the door to a tall older African American man] Jen: Hi. Clifton: Hello. Jen: Can I help you? Clifton: Jennifer. Jen. Jen: Yeah. Clifton: I'm Clifton. Jen: Clifton? Clifton: Your grandmother told me you were very beautiful, but I guess words can't quite convey a thing like that. [Jack comes down the stairs putting his coat on, and stops when he sees Clifton.] Jen: This is Clifton. Clifton: Dawson. Jack: No. It's jack, actually. Jack. Clifton: The homosexual! Nice to meet you. Jack: You, too. Clifton: I'm a friend of Evelyn's. She invited me to join you all this evening for the screening of Dawson Leery's film. Jen: Nice. [Grams come to join them] Grams: Ah, Mr. Smalls. I see introductions have already been made. Clifton: [Chuckles] [Grams goes up and gives Clifton a kiss, and Jen is astonished.] Grams: Get a hold of yourself, Jennifer. Jen: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What was that that you were doing with the kissing? Why did you--young lady, do you have a boyfriend? Cliff, are you my grams' boyfriend? Grams: Jennifer, I don't think Clifton: Yes, I am. I think. Aren't I? Grams: Yes. Yes, you are. Jen: Oh, my goodness! Why-- did this just slip your mind? Is this something that you just forgot to mention to me? Jack: Should Clifton and I leave you two alone for a minute? 'Cause we can do that. Jen: Cliff, what do you do? Grams: You've got to be kidding! Clifton: I teach geometry at St. Jude's Episcopal on the east side. Jen: Are you married? Clifton: Not currently. I was. She passed away. I'm a widower. Grams: All right. Do you approve? May we leave now? Jack: Yeah. [Jack grabs Jen's coat as Grams and Clifton go outside, and he turns her towards the door and begins pushing her along] Jen: Yeah. [Scene: Dawson is in the back room of the theater, getting the tapes together when a woman comes into the room yelling on a cell phone not even seeing Dawson in the room.] Amy: Great! Terrific! You know what? As long as we're saying all the things that we never said, let me just say this: I think you are a self-serious, pseudo-intellectual ass! No. I always have. I mean, PhD. In cultural anthropology? What is that? What does that even mean? No. Don't you dare! Those CDs are mine! Hello?! Hel--god--oh! [Sighs] Dawson: You ok? Amy: Hello? Excuse me? Nosy? Dawson: I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. It's just you talk rather loudly. Amy: Why are we talking? Why are we even having this conversation? Dawson: Beats me. Amy: Look, I'm sorry. You just caught me smack-dab in the middle of a very ugly breakup. Dawson: I'm sorry. Who dumped who? Amy: He's dumping me, which really infuriates me, because I can't say I even like the guy. He's an idiot. He just happens to be a very attractive idiot, which infuriates me even more, because I always thought I was above that, which I'm obviously not. Does Litvack still teach here? Dawson: Yes, he does. He's teaching a class this semester called "boobs, booze, and bullets: Style and substance in the age of the blockbuster." Amy: Oh, god. You're in the middle of that phase, aren't you? Dawson: She said condescendingly. Amy: Oh, come on. You know that phase where you've just been exposed to the very best the avant-garde has to offer, so, of course, Hollywood sucks the big one, and wouldn't it be great if we could all just run around with our little digital cameras, filming each other going to the bathroom in the name of truth and honesty? Dawson: You're a handful. Amy: That's what they tell me. Dawson: And you're quite presumptuous, too, considering you don't know anything about me. Amy: Oh, sure I do. I know everything about you. Favorite movie of the last couple years off the top of your head. Don't even think about it. Dawson: Run Lola run. Amy: Liar! That's the movie you whip out to show people how cool you are! I'm not interested in cool. I'm interested in the movie that made you cry and you have no idea why. I'm interested in the movie that you're embarrassed to tell your friends you went to go see on opening night. Want to know what mine is? Dawson: Please. Amy: Hardball. Keanu Reeves coaches this inner-city little league team and, in the process, changes their lives for the better. I lost it. I mean, I cried like a baby. I saw it in the theater 5 times. Dawson: That explains that, then. Amy: What? Dawson: Why your boyfriend dumped you. You're a sentimental drama queen with really crappy taste in movies. Amy: Wow! What is your name, little man? Dawson: Dawson. Dawson leery. Amy: Oh! [Laughs] Dawson: What? Amy: Nice to meet you, Dawson. My name is Amy Lloyd. I'm the film critic for the Boston weekly. I'm here to review your movie. [Scene: Inside the theater. Joey comes in looking around for someone, when she sees Charlie, and tries to walk past him like she didn't even notice him.] Charlie: Hey, potter. Joey: Charlie. You must have moved through the paparazzi line rather quickly. Speaking of which, where's the fianc e? Where's Gwyneth Paltrow? Out sick tonight? Charlie: [Laughs] Well, I broke up with her, you know. I met someone else. Joey: Must be quite a girl to usurp Gwyneth. Charlie: Amazing, actually. Maybe even a little bit out of my league. You know, if you insist on teasing me, I think that means you're obligated to sit next to me. Joey: I don't know. What about this mystery girl you're waiting for? Charlie: Well, hey, if she shows up, I'll just make you move. [Charlie stands up, and lets Joey get past him to the seat next to him] Joey: Thanks. You know, I saw the movie. Charlie: Yeah? Was I any good? Joey: Pretty good. Charlie: What's goin' on with you tonight? Joey: Nothing. What do you mean? Charlie: You know what I mean. Joey: Don't know what you mean. Charlie: Well, you seem kind of, I don't know, different. Joey: Different in a good way? Charlie: Yeah. Pretty good. Joey: So do you. Charlie: Yeah? Well, you know, I guess it's impossible to play the role of a sexy indie rocker 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You know, sometimes the actual Charlie Todd rears his little, deformed head. And I know it's not as Joey: It's nice. It's nice when you're not trying so hard. Kind of like hanging out with a real person rather than a hipness quotation. Charlie: You know, contrary to popular opinion, I may not actually be the devil. Joey: [Laughs] Don't get ahead of yourself, slim. The jury's still out on that one. Charlie: Ha ha ha ha! [Scene: Outside Pacey's Car. Pacey is exchanging information with the guy in the car he just hit.] Pacey: I'm sorry I crashed into you. [Pacey goes back and gets into his car.] Audrey: [Sighs] Maybe I should have waited till you parked? Pacey: Well, not if you were going for effect. Audrey: You ok? Pacey: Yeah, I'm fine. My car's a little bruised, but I'm fine. Audrey: No. I'm talking about the s*x thing. Pacey: Right. That. I remember that. Audrey: Are we, like, all right? Pacey: It's nothin'. We're fine. [Starts engine] [Scene: In the Theater. Dawson walks up to Oliver who is standing at the back of the room, looking very nervous.] Oliver: All right, captain. It's "go" time. You ready? Dawson: Why didn't you tell me you invited a critic? Oliver: I don't know. Maybe because it was supposed to be a surprise. Heh! Dawson: Have you lost your mind? Oliver, I'm the director. You have to clear stuff like that with me. Oliver: Ok, why is this a bad thing? In what universe is it even remotely a negative to have a qualified, trained professional evaluate your masterpiece? Dawson: I'm not even going to attempt to respond to that. [SCENE_BREAK] Amy: Ok. What's goin' on here? You geeks planning on showing this thing, or are you just gonna act it out for us? Oliver: Dawson, this is Amy Lloyd of the Boston Weekly. Dawson: Yeah, we met. Amy: We've exchanged unpleasantries. Oliver: Look, miss Lloyd, uh, Amy. If you could just take your seat, we're still waiting for a couple VIPs to arrive, and then we'll get started. Amy: Listen, fellas, it's been a slice and all, but I don't have time for amateur hour, so give me a ring when you get your act together, ok? [SCENE_BREAK] Oliver: Dawson leery, what did you do? Dawson: Told her she had crappy taste in movies. Oh! And I may have called her a drama queen. I...don't remember. Oliver: Why, oh, why did you do something like that? Is it because you hate me? Dawson: We were just having a conversation. Oliver: Nincompoop! Don't you know who Douglas Cavell is? Dawson: Who? Oliver: Exactly! And I'll tell you why you don't know. Because many moons ago, our miss Lloyd wrote somewhat unfavorably about his thesis film because he said something nasty about point break. These days, old Dougy is sitting behind the counter of the video store of his hometown of nowhere, USA. Dawson: All right, calm down. Oliver: You calm down. I'm gonna freak out. This is our future. This is our whole lives. Ha ha ha! [Clears throat] Ok, this is what you have to do. You have to go after her. You have to get her back, apologize, kiss her ass, do whatever it is you have to do, just get her back. Dawson: All right. All right, fine. What are you gonna do? Oliver: I'm gonna go hit on your ex-girlfriend. [Scene: Outside the theater. Amy is walking away when Dawson comes outside and sees her and runs after her.] Dawson: Hey. Amy: Hey. Dawson: Hey, I'm sorry, but I had no idea who you were. Amy: Oh, and if you had, you would have kissed my ass? Dawson: No, I--yeah, probably. Amy: Listen, you're a very nice kid, and I'm sorry that I was rude before, but like you said, I'm a handful, and I'm a sentimental drama queen, so I'm gonna go, and you, good luck with your flick. Dawson: Would it matter one iota if I told you I was a huge fan? Amy: Not so much, no, 'cause as a rule, film critics don't have fans. Dawson: That's not true. Roger Ebert has fans. Harry Knowles has fans. Amy: Right. So go stalk them and leave me alone. Dawson: I'd rather stalk you if it's all the same. You're a little cuter than they are. Ah, I have a smile. Ok, can I build on that? Uh...in your review of almost famous, you said it was the kind of film that reminds us why we still go to the movies. Amy: That was last fall. You remember that? Dawson: I do. It gave me chills. Amy: Me, too, when I wrote it. I've always liked that review. Dawson: It was a great review. Amy: You really like my stuff? Dawson: Every Thursday, I have this ritual. When the weekly comes out, I grab it. I head over to the coffee shop, and I sit there and I read your reviews. I'll be honest. I don't always agree with you. I mean, sometimes you really make me mad, but I always want to hear what you think, which is why the thought of you sitting and actually looking at something that I've directed scares the living daylights out of me. Amy: Why don't we do this? Why don't we head over to that coffee shop and see what's what? Who knows? You may get lucky. I'm in a strange mood. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The Theater. Audrey comes in and begins looking around, when she finally sees Joey. She goes quickly over to get Joey.] Audrey: Joey, I need a pow-wow. Joey: Now? Audrey: Hello? Does the expression "bros before hos" mean anything to you? Joey: Yes, princess. [Joey gets up and follows Audrey to the back of the theater.] Audrey: Ok. So, if you happen to be talking to Pacey, and it happens to come up, I slept with 27 people. Joey: Rock and roll! Audrey: Bite me, will you? Joey: You've had s*x with 27 different people? Audrey: No, not exactly. Joey: You haven't? Audrey: I may have adjusted the number slightly. A little creative math. Joey: So, you slept with more than 27 different people? Audrey: Ok, see, that's not the point. The point is that I was thinking about what you said this morning, and then I thought about what Mercedes Lowenstein used to say about these things Joey: and what did she used to say? Audrey: Well, she said that when it comes to men and s*x, a slight variation on the truth is always preferable to the actual truth. Joey: Audrey, that's terrible advice. Mercedes Lowenstein is an idiot. Audrey: No. Mercedes Lowenstein is a whore. Joey: You can't do these kinds of things halfway. You have to tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Audrey: So help me god? Joey: I'm serious, ok? Think about it. If you don't, if you let him believe this lie, can anything that happens between the two of you from this point on be as great as it should be? And not for him, for you. Audrey, you deserve something great here. You have to believe that. Now, go do the hard thing. Audrey: Ok. Joey: Good luck. [Joey goes back and sits next to Charlie] Charlie: Everything cool? Joey: [Sighs] Relatively speaking. Charlie: So, when's this thing gonna start, anyway? Joey: Why? You nervous? Charlie: Maybe...a little. See, this girl, this mystery girl, who's out of my league, she showed up, and she's in here right now, and I really, really want her to be impressed. And I'm just hoping that this audience-- this audience can just totally take me in, and then, maybe, she'll see me the way that I want her to see me. Joey: Well, point her out. I'll tell if you have a prayer or not. Charlie: [Laughs] Well...she's, um... she's sitting right next to me. Joey: You know, you're not nearly as cool as you think you are, Charlie Todd. Charlie: You know, all evidence to the contrary, I'm exactly as cool as I think I am. Joey: There you go. Case in point. See, guys like you walk around every day with the absolute conviction that you're the smoothest thing since butter. It's true. I find it amusing, actually. You want to know why? Charlie: Why? Joey: 'Cause in reality, everything that you're feeling and thinking at any given moment is written all over your face. Charlie: Oh, yeah? Joey: Yeah. Charlie: Ah! Ok. What's written all over my face right now? Joey: Mm, you're thinking that I'm the most attractive and formidable woman you've ever been in the same room with. Though you're terrified of rejection, you like me and you want to take me out on a proper date. Charlie: [Laughs] Nope. Joey: No? Charlie: Uh-uh. Actually, I was thinking... that I want to take you into the bathroom and do ungodly things to you. Joey: What'd you say? Charlie: Nothing. No. It was a joke. I--I was joking. Joey: I'm gonna go check on Dawson. [Joey looks angrily at him and leaves] Charlie: I just blew it, didn't I? Oh! Uhh! I am the devil. [Scene: The Theater Lobby. Jack and Pacey are getting some refreshment.] Jack: [Laughs] Well, you ready? Pacey: Hell, yeah. Jack: You sleepy? Pacey: Yeah. You see the size of the script of this monster? It's gonna take 12 of these things to keep me awake through the movie, which means I'm probably going to have to pee quite frequently, which is a great excuse to leave the theater when Charlie starts making out with Audrey. Jack: Oh ho, you really have it bad for this girl, don't you? Pacey: Yeah. Well, I don't know. Maybe. She's just not like any other girl I ever met before. And she does not care what anybody thinks, and I dig that, man. I really do. [Audrey comes up behind Pacey, and jack wants to tell him but can't]You know, she's smart, she's funny, she has no idea how beautiful she is, and she's always saying the thing you don't expect, you know? She's constantly surprising me, keeping me on my toes. Like, for instance, right now, I bet she's standing right behind me, isn't she? Jack: Yeah. Pacey: Great. Audrey: I have to be honest. I want to be honest. It's not 27. It's 57. [Pacey spits some of his drink out.] [Scene: The projection room. Jen is up there talking to Oliver, who is wringing his hands nervously.] Jen: Are you ok? You're just acting really strange. Oliver: I'm nervous. Jen: Why? About your screening? Oliver: No, no, it's not that. It's that, uh... well...ahem! Ever since you broke up with Dawson, ever since you became... [Gulps] Available... I find that I'm kind of... well, nervous around you. Jen: Oh. Gosh. Oliver: [Laughs nervously] Jen: I... I'm just gonna go ahead and say this-- that I don't think that there's a possibility of something happening between us right--ever. Um, I'm just-- I'm sorry. Oh, god. You're not saying anything. Ok. I'm gonna go. Ohh. [Jen turns to leave] Oliver: I--I know that I'm not particularly slick or, say, socially adept, and I know that I'm not the kind of guy that women look at and say, "whoa. Check him out." But I'm gonna blow your mind in a million different ways that you've never even imagined. Jen: Ok, Oliver Oliver: You know it, too, and you know that when you look at me, it'll be different, which is why you're not turning around right now... 'cause you're nervous about what you might find. Jen: [Exhales] Jeez, uh, with all due respect to your sudden, um, and plentiful, uh, enthusiasm and confidence, I am going to turn around in 3 seconds just to prove that you're wrong. 1, 2, 3. Jeez. [She turns around to find that he isn't there.] [Scene: Inside the theater lobby.. Jen comes down runs into Joey who is already there.] Joey: Is this thing gonna happen tonight? Jen: I don't know. I haven't really seen him. Joey: Should we look for him? Jen: I don't think so. Joey: I'm gonna get some air. Jen: I'm gonna go with you. Joey: Ok. [They go outside] Joey: Jen. Jen: Joey. Joey: Lindley. Jen: Potter. Joey: Would it be awkward if I were to ask you a question having to do with boys? Jen: Probably, but do you really care? Joey: No, not really. Jen: Ok. Neither do I. Joey: Ok. Um... have you ever had the experience of meeting a guy who was really good-looking and, I don't know, kind of... Jen: Charming? Joey: Yes, charming. Very, very charming, and you almost get hypnotized by how charming and good-looking he is, but when you penetrate the surface, even just a little bit, you find that he's... Jen: A moron? Joey: I was gonna say "loser." Jen: Yeah. Pretty much every single guy that I've ever dated with the exception Joey: Dawson. Jen: Yeah. [Sighs] Can I say something? Joey: Of course. Jen: My grams is dating a 60-year-old African American man whose name is Clifton smalls. Joey: What? I guess that's a good thing? Jen: It is. Actually, it's a really great thing. Do you want to know why? Joey: I guess so. Jen: It's a great thing because it means that no matter how many good-looking boys consistently disappoint us or how many times we're convinced that this universe is going to begin and end with one of these moronic losers, that someday when all of this crap is over with, there might be our very own Clifton smalls waiting for us. Joey: You have a good point. Jen: Thanks. I thought so. Joey: But that's a long time. [Scene: The Coffee House. Dawson and Amy are sitting at one of the tables talking while drinking their coffee.] Amy: Ok, so tell me, Dawson, why should I stay and see this movie of yours? Convince me. Dawson: Honestly, I have no idea why you should come see this movie. I don't even know if it's good or not. I mean, it's... Oliver loves it, but, let's face it: He might be mildly insane. My best friend Joey really liked it, but she might just be impressed that it's in focus. We worked hard on it, really hard. That much I'm sure of. Um... but other than that, I... Amy: what? Dawson: I shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm just not quite sure that it's done. I mean, all the pieces are there. All the elements are there, but it's just something about it just kinda-- it just kinda feels incomplete. Amy: Let me ask you this: What's it about? Dawson: Um, it's a love story about a girl who may or may not be a coke fiend. Amy: Not--not the story. What's it about? Like, what's it about to you? Dawson: I don't really know how to answer that question. I've had this truly bizarre, life-altering year. I-- I dropped out of USC to be with this girl who I've loved in one way or another for pretty much my whole life, and then my father died, which completely rocked my universe, and then I jumped headfirst into this really intense relationship with this other girl, and we just broke up, and--and the movie has nothing to do with any of these things, but in a way, it has to do with all of them. I feel like I put everything that I am into making this film. I'm sorry. I'm rambling. Amy: Don't be sorry. That's actually a movie I would really like to see. Dawson: Really? Amy: Yes. Anything imbued with that much passion and heartbreak sounds far more interesting than half the dreck that's currently taking up space in our nation's multiplexes. Plus, you're a fan, which satisfies my enormous ego. Shall we? Dawson: Yeah. Let's go. Amy: All right. [As they get up she notices someone] Amy: Oh, my god. Dawson: What? Amy: My boyfriend. Dawson: Where? Amy: Over there. Uh, do me a favor. Dawson: Sure. Amy: Kiss me. Dawson: What? Amy: Kiss me. Kiss me. [She pulls him in for a passionate kiss] [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: The coffee house. We pick up where we left off with Dawson and Amy kissing. After a bit Amy stops kissing the confused Dawson.] Amy: Did he see? Dawson: I don't know. I don't know which one he is. Amy: Oh. [Laughs] I'm really sorry, Dawson. Dawson: Why? Amy: Well, it's not even him. It just really looks like him. Same jacket, sort of. Dawson: Oh. Amy: Really sorry about that. Dawson: Don't be. Let's... go. [Scene: The Theater Lobby. Audrey is sitting on a bench, when Pacey comes up to sit down beside her.] Pacey: So I've been thinkin' Audrey: Pacey, before you say anything Pacey: could you shut up for just a second, please? I'm trying to tell you what I'm thinkin' here, and it's interesting this time. Audrey: Ok. I'm sorry. Pacey: Ok. So... I know that you've slept with other men. I knew that you had slept with other men before I started this whole pathetic inquiry. I knew that you had slept with other men before you and I started sleeping together. So, fine. You have slept with other men. I can accept that. Of course, I know deep down in my heart that you didn't enjoy it, but that's beside the point. Audrey: [Chuckles] Pacey: The point is Audrey: What's the point? Pacey: The point is that I have my fears and my insecurities, but they're mine, not yours. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is this. Just this. Audrey: Just this. Pacey: Yes. I have totally and completely fallen for you. Mmm. You move me, Audrey. All over the place. [They Kiss] Audrey: 5. Pacey: What? Audrey: I've only slept with 5 people. Pacey: Really? Audrey: Yeah. Pacey: I mean, it's ok, 'cause, you know, Joey has told me a couple of things, and I've actually seen you with several different Audrey: All right, I may have... at times, been... somewhat of a make-out slut. I have kissed a lot of boys, and I figure that you have to. You know, that way, you sort know when you've found the right one. Pacey: I like that logic. You were testing me. You wanted to know how I'd react. Audrey: Yeah. Maybe. A little. I'm really, really sorry, Pacey. It's just I guess that I have my own fears, too, and, I don't know, I think I just... needed to hear it. Pacey: Did I pass? Audrey: Well, you aced, and you may even get a reward. Pacey: Really? Well... so long as I retain the full range of motion from the neck up, you can do whatever you like. [Scene: The sidewalk on the way to the theater. Dawson and Amy are returning to the theater talking.] Amy: I mean, why do I even care? I don't even like this guy. I can barely have a conversation with him without wanting to claw his eyes out. Dawson: You're very violent. Anybody ever told you that? Amy: Ha ha ha! Shut up. Dawson: Any relationship is not easy when you know it's not right. You know, there's a lot to be said for comfort and safety. You know, that thing of just having somebody around to come home to, to talk to, to touch. Even if it's not about that person, but having that stabilizing force in your life. Amy: I guess so. Dawson: I'll give you an example: This movie, for me, it kinda held my life together at a time when I needed it most. It forced me to be brave, and it made me strong. Amy: I'm about to have an insight here. Dawson: Ok. Amy: It's not the movie you're afraid isn't complete. It's you, and you should be afraid of that because you're not complete, not yet. In fact, you may never be. But you keep looking, and you keep making movies, and you keep showing them to people, and that's what being a filmmaker is. Dawson: Good insight. Amy: I have my moments. What do you say we go watch ourselves a movie? Dawson: Ok, but what if it sucks? What if I completely wasted my time? Amy: If it sucks, I will tell you over coffee, and you might just get to make out with me again. Dawson: By the way, mine is road house... with Patrick Swayze? I've seen it, like 37 times. Every time it's on TV, I have to watch it all the way through. I own the tape. I love it. I have no idea why. Amy: Ha ha ha! That's a good one. Come on. [Scene: Inside the theater. Oliver is still standing alone at the back of the theater filled with people who are very anxious to see the move and getting a little uptight having to wait. Dawson and Amy come into the theater and stop by Oliver, and Amy goes off to get a seat.] Oliver: Oh, my gosh, you did it. You got her back. How did you get her back? Dawson: I made out with her. [Cut over to Joey who is sitting alone, and Charlie come up to get with a pitiful look on his face.] Charlie: I need a favor. Joey: Who's asking? Is it the slightly vulnerable, kind of embarrassing boy I sat down with, or is it the really obnoxious sleaze ball I walked away from? Charlie: Ok, that's fair. I deserve that. Joey: It's not an insult. It's a legitimate question. Which guy are you? I'd kinda like to know before I actually start to care. Charlie: I can't answer that. I'm just tryin' to figure it out. All I know is that when I came here tonight, you were different with me than you've ever been before. I don't know why. I don't know what I did. Joey: That wasn't you. I was... confused. Charlie: Ok, whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't even want to know. Because whatever it was, I screwed it up. I tried to be funny, and I wasn't. I mean, I was completely-- I was opposite of funny, and I think the reason that I was so completely unfunny, is because... I do wanna ask you out. Very much. Very, very much. And, you know, you-- [Chuckles] You--you make me nervous. Joey: I know I do. Charlie: I want to be that first guy, Joey. You make me want to be that guy. Joey: So what's your favor? Charlie: Ok. [Sighs] Well, I was hoping that maybe you might let me sit next to you, and then, possibly, if I just sat there, then, maybe... whatever happened to make you like me, well, maybe it could happen again. Joey: Don't get your hopes up. Charlie: [Chuckles] Too late. [Cut over to Jen and Jack, who are sitting next to Grams and Clifton. Jen watches as Oliver walks up the aisle past them with a cocky smile on his face as he looks at Jen.] Jen: Oh, my god. Jack: What? Jen: Nothing. I didn't say anything. Jack: Yeah, you did. You said, "oh, my god." Jen: Shut up. I didn't, ok? I'm just sitting here, quietly waiting for the movie to start. Jack: Ok. [Dawson walks down the Aisle and goes up onto the stage to present the movie.] Dawson: Ahem! All right. I'm sorry about the delay, folks. My sincere apologies, but I think we're ready, and we're gonna show this thing, so...here's the deal: It's too long, the music is temp, the mix is unfinished, transfer is ugly, we still don't have a title, but, uh... what you're about to see is a labor of love, and not just for Oliver and myself, but for everybody in this room who gave of their time and their energy and their talent. And, uh... we might be the only people to ever see this thing up on the screen, but it doesn't matter because it is and it always will be a snapshot of who we are at this particular moment in time. So... brace yourselves. Roll it. [The movie screen lights up, and fade to black.]

Oliver tells Dawson he has arranged a screening for their movie, which is yet to be finished. Dawson freaks out, but Joey comforts him saying the movie is brilliant. At the screening, Dawson meets a beautiful woman, and after exchanging insults she reveals herself to be Amy Lloyd, movie critic for Boston Weekly, whom Oliver secretly invited. She storms out, and it is up to Dawson to bring her back. They go out for coffee and have a heart-to-heart talk. Meanwhile, Joey is scared about her feelings towards Charlie and goes to Jen for advice. Jen, recently reunited with Jack, struggles to deal with the fact that Grams has a new boyfriend, Clifton Smalls, an African American member of the Baptist faith. Pacey asks Audrey how many men she's slept with, and she tests his reactions by saying 27, then 57, when it was really only five.

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[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.] Monica: (to Joey) What's so funny? Joey: Oh, nothing, no. It's an acting exercise, I'm practising my fake laugh. Monica: Oh. (she laughs) Joey: What-what's so funny? (Chandler enters with a cigarette.) Gunther: (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, there's none of that in here. Chandler: Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one. Gunther: Okay, but only if you give me a drag. Chandler: Okay. (Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.) Gunther: Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler back the cigarette.) Chandler: No-no, why don't you hang on to that one. (He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away again.) Chandler: Okay, that's like the least fun game ever. Rachel: Well, I'm really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette) Chandler: Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake laughs.) Rachel: Come on, it's a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two weeks straight and she hasn't smoked since. Ross: Pffhah. Rachel: (to Ross) What's your problem? Ross: Nothing, it's just that hypnosis is beyond crap. Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City. Ross: Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay. Rachel: Oh right, 'cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks. Phoebe: All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men. Chandler: Or what my Father called Thursday night. Opening Credits [Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.] Ross: Here you go. Rachel: Oh, y'know what, I didn't want cinnamon on this. Ross: Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his hand.) Frank: (entering) Hi! Phoebe: Oh my God!! Frank: Hi! Phoebe: Frank! Hi! Frank: How are you? Phoebe: What are you doing here? Frank: Oh, well y'know, I would've called but I lost your phone number and then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldn't find it. And then, I tried to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So... Phoebe: What happened? Frank: Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism. Phoebe: But, also, what happened between you and your Mom? Frank: Well, we got into a fight 'cause ah, she said I was to immature to get married. Phoebe: Your getting married?! Frank: Oh, yeah! All: Wow! Phoebe: My little brother's getting married!! Frank: Oh, I knew you'd be so cool about this. All right, ah, hey, do you want to meet her? Phoebe: Do I? Frank: Do you? Phoebe: Yeah, I do, yeah. Frank: Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) I'm gonna, I'm gonna get my ah, my fianc e man! Chandler: Y'know, I would've bet good money that he'd be the first one of us to get married. Phoebe: Yeah, isn't it fantastic? Monica: Yeah, ah, but Pheebs don't you think he's a little young to get married? Phoebe: What, he's 18. Ross: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party. Joey: Yeah, or-or to get a hooker. Chandler: Always illegal Joe. Frank: (entering with his fianc e Alice, who is obviously much, much older than he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fianc e, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her) Alice: Y'know it-it's funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your not how I pictured you at all. Phoebe: Yeah, I'm a big surprise. (Ross lets them both sit in his chair.) Monica: So, um, how-how did you guys meet? Frank: Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knight's ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class. Alice: And he was my best student. Frank: Yeah, she was my best teacher. Alice: Ohhh. (They embrace in a very passionate kiss.) Chandler: If that doesn't keep kids in school, what will? Ross: And so now you guys are gonna be married? Alice: Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to have kids right away. (Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.) Rachel: Oh my God!! Great! Phoebe: Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you're ready for that? Frank: I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who doesn't want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah, now-now I always will, 'cause y'know, it'll be me. Right? Alice: Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that there's an age difference between us. Phoebe: Oh good! Okay. 'Cause you were acting like you didn't. Alice: Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter? (They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.) [Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.] Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman. [Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.] Monica: And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year I've only gone out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you gotta get me back in the game. Rachel: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men. Monica: (to a customer) Pete, can I get you something else? Pete: Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if you're given' 'em out. Monica: Haven't you and I covered that topic? Pete: Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you.... Monica: Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food. Pete: Well, if that were true, I'd dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with me, don't you? Rachel: (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean that ain't a pretty picture in the morning, y'know what I mean. That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know. Monica: I mean really, think about it. Pete: Ho-ho, I will. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.] Phoebe: No, I know, I know, that this is Frank's life, (walks behind them, they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I don't want to be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, it's sick and wrong! Ross: Pheebs, what, is it the age thing? Phoebe: No-no, oh, I'm fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat! Joey: Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it. Phoebe: But, I mean, do you think he's gonna enjoy it when he's up to his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and it-it's not fair to the babies, and y'know what, it's not good home economics. Joey: Well, have-have you told him how you feel? Phoebe: Yes. Not out loud. Ross: Pheebs, if you don't tell him, soon he's gonna be married, and then you're gonna hate yourself. Phoebe: Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he's gonna hate myself. I mean look at him and his Mom, I can't. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk him out of it. Ross and Joey: No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them, and turns them back to face her.) Phoebe: Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose. Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?! Ross and Joey: No. Phoebe: Okay, I'm gonna go get Frank. (exits) Joey: So, we're walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, "Hey, let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes," remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, "Nah, let's just hang out at your place." Well, that was a nice move dumb ass. [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are entering.] Rachel: I think you should definitely go out with this guy. Monica: Nah, he doesn't do anything for me. Rachel: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker: Texas Ranger? Monica: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids.... (realises) All right, I get your point. Rachel: All right. Chandler: (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi. Monica: Hey. Chandler: Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick? Monica: Uh, yeah. Rachel: Hey, how are those tapes working out for ya? Chandler: Y'know what, pretty good. Rachel: Yeah? Chandler: Good! I haven't smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and confident, that is a stunning blouse. Rachel: Thank you. Monica: Here you go. Chandler: Thanks Rachel: Hey Mon, let's give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems really nice, and that check thing was adorable. Chandler: What check thing? Monica: As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000 tip. His number is on the check, he just did so I'd call him. Chandler: (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete... (quickly grabs a magazine and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him? Monica: That's Bill Clinton. Chandler: Who's he huggin'? Monica: Oh my God! That's Pete! But why is Bill huggin' Pete? Chandler: This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that program! Rachel: We use it!! Chandler: There you go!! Rachel: Oh my God, Monica's gonna go out with a millionaire. Monica: I'm not gonna go out with him. Rachel: Oh my God, I can't believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is just so exciting. Monica: Or incredibly offensive. Rachel: Oh yeah, sure, that too. (Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick, including the bit with the piece of tissue.) Chandler: (to the girls who are staring at him) What? [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are talking to Frank.] Ross: All we're saying is don't rush into anything. Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay, she's 44, when you're 36, she's gonna be 88. Frank: What, you don't think I know that? Joey: Look, the point is, there's a lot of women out there you haven't even had s*x with yet! Ross: Yeah, he-he's right, he's right. This is your time y'know, yeah, you're young, you're-you're weird, chicks dig that. Frank: Okay, but isn't s*x better when it's with one person that you really, really care about. Joey: Yeah, in a poem maybe. Ross: No the man's right, that's what I had with Rachel. Frank: You don't have it anymore? Ross: No, I ah, I slept with someone else. Frank: Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better? Ross: It didn't. Frank: Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I've got with Alice. Joey: Now, wh-what, what is that like? Frank: It's so cool man, it's so, it's just 'cause being with her is so much better than like not being with her. Ross: Yeah, yeah. Joey: (to Ross) Why can't I find that? Ross: Don't ask me, I had it and I blew it! Joey: Well, I want it! Frank: You can have it! Joey: I don't know, maybe I can't. I mean, maybe there's something wrong with me. Ross: Oh, no! No! Frank: It's out there man! I've seen it! I got it!! Joey: Then you hold on to it!! Frank: All right, man!! Joey: All right, congratulations you lucky b*st*rd! (hugs him) [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's after Ross and Joey's talk with Frank, and Phoebe's is finding out what happened.] Phoebe: (to Joey) You're Frank's best man?! Joey: I couldn't help it, there love is so pure. Phoebe: Well then, (to Ross) what about you?! Huh?! Ross: I'm the ring bearer. (As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and walks to his bedroom. He's just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell he's doing.) [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Phoebe's, Phoebe is opening the door.] Phoebe: Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. I'm so glad you could come, 'cause I've got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge mustard stain on it.) Alice: Oh my God, who died on this?! Phoebe: Yeah, I know. It's a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me? Alice: Absolutely. Okay, first we'll start with a little club soda and salt, and then if that doesn't work we can go back to... Phoebe: Y'know what, forget it. It's ruined. Alice: Oh no-no, never say that. If we can't get it out then we can cut around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw. Phoebe: Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank. [SCENE_BREAK] [Scene: Pete's office, he is participating in a conference call with three other employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.] Pete: Okay, that's great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin. All: Got it. Yeah all right. Yeah, okay. (The intercom buzzes.) Secretary: You have a Miss Monica Geller here. Pete: Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. (Monica enters) Hi. Monica: What the hell is this? (holding up the check) Pete: Hang on a second. (to the employees) I'll-I'll talk to you in the morning. (turns two of the three off) I'm sorry what? Monica: Seriously, what is this supposed to mean? Pete: Well, y'know, I never know how much to tip. Monica: You're supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I mean, what's-what's the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way you get girls to go out with you? Employee: Umm, I'm still here. Pete: (turns off the TV) You're taking this all wrong. Because, if I didn't leave you that tip, you wouldn't of come down here, we wouldn't be having this argument, and there wouldn't be this ah, heat between us. Monica: What?! Pete: Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new level now. 'Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now we're like this-this couple that fights. Monica: Okay, umm, you're a loon. Pete: Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think you're great. Come on, what do you say? Monica: I don't know. Pete: Why not? Monica: 'Cause I don't want to encourage this kind of behaviour. Pete: One meal! That's all I'm asking for. Please? We go out, we eat, and if you don't have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even. [Scene: Phoebe's, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on the couch.] Frank: (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no! Just put the mail down. It's-it's me! Phoebe: Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark? Frank: Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought I'd curl up in it. Is that all right? Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. So, how was your day? Frank: Oh, well just probably the worst one since I've been alive. Phoebe: What umm, what happened? Frank: Umm, Alice ah, she ah, called it off. Phoebe: Oh no. Did umm, did she say why? Frank: Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I don't see how I could all of the sudden be too young, 'cause I'm older than I was when we first got together. Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, no, I don't, I don't know. But, y'know what, maybe it's just all for the best? Frank: Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain! Phoebe: Oh, sweetie, oh. (hugs him) Frank: Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life! After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, it's still really hard to take deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now it's, and now it's gone and I don't know why! Phoebe: Uh, well I can tell you why. It's, it's because of me. But, y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay? Frank: What? Phoebe: Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made her see why you two shouldn't be together, y'know. And you're gonna see it to, one day, you really, really will. Frank: Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you? Phoebe: Okay. Frank: Well, you, wait no, my Mother didn't want us to be together, but the worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch. Phoebe: Okay, but. Frank: Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought you'd understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or a place to go... [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are also there. The door buzzes.] Rachel: Oh my God! The millionaire's here! Chandler: (in a feminine way) Oh my God! (and he jumps all around) Monica: Guys, please, I'm just gonna have dinner with him. Okay? Chandler: Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him anything. Monica: I know!! Chandler: Okay, then get the lobster! Monica: (opening the door) (to Pete) Hey! Pete: Hi. Rachel: Hi!! Joey: Hey! Ross: Hi! (They're all staring at him, with big, huge smiles on their faces.) Joey: Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now? Monica: And that's why, I'm not inviting you in for a drink. (starts to leave) Bye. All: Oh-no-no-no-no.... Rachel: Just one drink?! Monica: (in the hallway) So, where do you want to go? Pete: Hey, you like pizza? Monica: Oh, that's sounds great. Pete: I know a great little place. [Cut to a shot of the coliseum in Rome, Italy.] [Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.] Pete: You're, hey, you're not paying for the pizza! Monica: Oh come on, it's only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is that enough lire? Pete: Ahh, I'd throw another thousand on that. Monica: Why, how much is that? Pete: That's about 60 cents. [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's the middle of the night. Joey is walking into the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.] Joey: Every night!! (He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandler's bedroom.) Hypnosis Tape: You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.) [Scene: Phoebe's, Frank is watching TV, and he's very depressed as Phoebe enters.] Phoebe: Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally evil thing, but I so didn't. There's someone here who can explain this better than I can. Alice: Hi Frank. Frank: Hi, Mrs. Knight. Alice: Phoebe's right Frank. I know it's hard to hear, but it would've been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we, we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that what it is? Phoebe: Yeah, but not just that. Alice: Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we do, none the less... Phoebe: None the less. Alice: None the less. Umm, you're too young to, to really know what you want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.) Phoebe: That's right, exactly. (sees them) All right, it's a good bye kiss, that's good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that you see what I'm saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore her) Okay, I've decided I'm gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves). Closing Credits [Scene: Chandler's bedroom, he's listening to the hypnosis tape again.] Hypnosis Tape: Cigarette's don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. Joey: (He's recorded his voice on the tape) Joey's your best friEnd. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants. (Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)

One of Monica's customers leaves her a $20,000 tip that she considers to be a joke. He turns out to be billionaire Pete Becker ( Jon Favreau ) who wants to date Monica. Phoebe is shocked when her 18-year-old brother becomes engaged to his former teacher, Alice ( Debra Jo Rupp ), a woman more than twice his age. Phoebe convinces Alice to come to her apartment and tell Frank why the relationship cannot work, only for this to backfire when the couple become passionate upon seeing each other. Chandler uses a hypnosis audio tape while sleeping to quit smoking, but it is meant for women, which brings out his feminine side. Monica agrees to a date with Pete, who takes her out for pizza--in Italy.

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Scene: A bookstore. Dr. Brian Greene: My new book, The Hidden Reality, takes on a grand question. Is our universe the only universe? You see, there's a growing belief among scientists like me that ours may only be one among many universes populating a gigantic cosmos. In The Hidden Reality, I explore this possibility without presuming any knowledge of mathematics or physics on the part of the reader. Sheldon: Hysterical. Amy: I'm glad you talked me into this. We work so hard, sometimes, it's nice to goof off and do something silly. Sheldon: Agreed. Wait till you hear how he dumbs down Werner Heisenberg for the crowd. You may actually believe you're in a comedy club. Greene: You can think about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle much like the special order menu that you find in certain Chinese restaurants, where you have dishes in column A and other dishes in column B, and if you order the first dish in column A, you can't order the corresponding dish in column B. That's sort of like the Uncertainly Principle. Sheldon: Ba-dum-bump. Amy: Say, I heard an interesting tidbit about Howard and Bernadette. Sheldon: Really, Amy? Gossip? I'm disappointed in you. Amy: Now, now. Evolutionary biologist Robin Dunbar has identified gossip as an aid to social bonding in large groups. Sheldon: Forgive my language, but poppycock. Amy: What if he's right? And by not participating in gossip, society breaks down into small feral bands of tattooed motorcycle riders fighting to the death over the last few cans of tuna fish? Sheldon: Fine. In the parlance of the urban music scene, what's the 4-1-1? Amy: Bernadette is thinking about breaking up with Howard. Sheldon: I believe our nation's tuna cans are safe. Excuse me. Dr. Greene, question? Greene: Yes? Sheldon: You've dedicated your life's work to educating the general populace about complex scientific ideas. Greene: Yes, in part. Sheldon: Have you ever considered trying to do something useful? Perhaps, reading to the elderly? Greene: Excuse me? Sheldon: Yeah, but not your books. Something they might enjoy. I kid, of course. Big fan. Credits sequence Scene: The apartment. The guys are playing on a Nintendo Wii. Leonard: Nice shot. Sheldon: Thank you. My father taught me archery as a child. It's odd how the activity brings back the smell of Kmart bourbon. Leonard: Perfect. Sheldon: I know. What an elf I would have made. Whoo, what do you think you're doing? Leonard: Shooting at a target? Sheldon: With what? Leonard: An arrow. Sheldon: Really? I didn't see you draw one from your quiver. Leonard: I'm not going to do that, Sheldon. Sheldon: Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so far in helping us recreate an actual athletic experience. We have to do our part, too. (Leonard mimes drawing an arrow and stabbing Sheldon with it.) That was uncalled for, but I'll play along. Ow! I had an unusual experience with Amy last night. Leonard: Really? How could you tell? Sheldon: She was attempting to engage me in gossip. Leonard: You don't say? Sheldon: Yes. I think prolonged exposure to Penny has turned her into a bit of a Gabby Gertie. Leonard: So, what's the gossip? Sheldon: Oh, please, I was just pointing it out. I have no desire to engage in the activity. Leonard: Fine, don't tell me. Sheldon: All right, get this. Bernadette is thinking about breaking up with Howard. Leonard: Oh. That's too bad. I wonder what happened. Sheldon: Mm, it's hard to say. I can only speculate based on the data I collected watching my parents' marriage implode. In that case, the woman dives into religion, while the man dives into a bottle-blonde bartender who tries to buy my love with action figures. Oop! Out of arrows. Leonard: Boy, you sure get your money's worth out of these games. Scene: The bathroom. Leonard: - Priya, can I come in? Priya: Sure. Leonard: Oh, God. Priya: What? Leonard: It's okay. You didn't know. I'll take care of it. Priya: What, what did I do? Leonard: Sheldon doesn't allow flossing that close to the mirror. Priya: You're kidding. Leonard: It's a splatter thing. There's a little piece of tape on the floor you're supposed to stand behind. Priya: That's madness. Leonard: I know. Just do it. There's a big inspection coming up, and I don't want to lose my TV privileges. Priya: You really need to let me take a look at that roommate agreement one of these days. Leonard: Mm, I don't know. I get a lawyer, he gets a lawyer, it's just easier to stand behind the tape. Priya: Oh, by the way, a fellow at work said I could use his Dodger tickets this weekend. Does that sound like fun? Leonard: Yeah! Dodgers are baseball, right? Priya: You'll need to explain the game to me. Leonard: Mm, it's complicated, but as I remember it, the essentials are, get chosen last, get hit by the ball, cry, go home. Priya: Well, regardless, I've got four tickets, and I was thinking we can bring Bernadette and Howard. She's really interesting, and I bet I can get used to him. Leonard: Well, it might not be a great idea to invite those two. Priya: Why not? Leonard: Don't tell anybody I told you, but I heard she might be breaking up with him. Priya: Oh, too bad. Although I do know one person for whom that's good news. Leonard: Really? Who? Priya: My brother. He's got a big crush on Bernadette. Leonard: What? You're kidding! Priya: Mmm. I found poems he wrote about her. Very disturbing. Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet. Leonard: Wow, that's hard to believe. Priya: Yes. And for years, everyone in my family was convinced that he was the clarinet enthusiast. Hmm. What's that piece of tape? Leonard: Oh, that one doesn't apply to you. You sit. Scene: The lobby. Leonard: Hey! Penny: Hey! How's it going? Leonard: Not too bad. Did you hear about Howard and Bernadette? Penny: 'Course I heard about it. How did you hear about it? Leonard: I heard about it from Sheldon. He got it from Amy. Penny: Oh, damn it. I told Amy that in the strictest confidence. Boy, some people are such blabbermouths. Well, whatever, I'm sure Bernadette can do better. Leonard: Do you think a sexually ambivalent Indian astrophysicist with selective mutism and alcohol issues is better than a hundred-pound Jewish guy who lives with his mom? Penny: You are kidding. Raj likes Bernadette? Leonard: I didn't say Raj. Who said Raj? Penny: Okay, give. How do you know? Did he tell you? Leonard: No. Penny: Well, then who? Leonard: I can't say. Penny: Priya told you. What a little gossip. You know, not an attractive quality in a woman, Leonard. Not judging, just my opinion. Leonard: Well, The point is, if this got out, it would destroy Howard and Raj's friendship. Penny: You don't have to worry. Unlike Amy and Priya, I know how to keep a secret. Leonard: You're the one who told Amy in the first place. Penny: In confidence! Scene: Raj's apartment. Raj: Hello, Mummy. Hello, Daddy. How are you? Mrs Koothrappali (on webcam): We're very rich in a very poor country. So, all in all, can't complain. Dr Koothrappali: So, Priya, how are enjoying staying with your brother? Priya: It's fine. But if I'm going to stay in Los Angeles much longer, I think I should get my own place. Mrs Koothrappali: Why? Is Rajesh not making you feel comfortable? Rajesh, why aren't you making your sister comfortable? Raj: I am making her comfortable. Besides, she's not sleeping here half the time anyway. Dr Koothrappali: What? Where are you sleeping, Priya? Priya: It's a figure of speech, Daddy. It means I-I work late. Mrs Koothrappali: Please tell me you're not dating an American. I knew this would happen. Rajesh, are you letting your sister date that little Howard boy? Dr Koothrappali: Now, hold on. If she is dating an American, that's not a bad way to go. He's Jewish. Those chaps are very successful, and they don't drink a lot. Raj: It, it doesn't matter. Howard has a girlfriend. Priya: For now. Raj: What does that mean? Priya: I'll tell you later. Raj: Is something going on with him and Bernadette? Mrs Koothrappali: Who's Bernadette? Dr Koothrappali: Doesn't sound Jewish. Mrs Koothrappali: You can't tell by that. Winona Ryder is Jewish. Dr Koothrappali: Okay, we're getting off the subject. Rajesh, I want you to try harder to make your sister feel welcome. Priya: Thank you, Daddy. Raj: Don't worry. Everything I have, I share with her. Including my friend Leon... Priya: Good night, Mummy. Good night, Daddy. Raj: Oh, my God, I think you broke my toe! Priya: Well you should have kept your mouth shut. Raj: Fair enough. Now, what's up with Clarinet? Bernadette! Scene: The cafeteria. Sheldon: I've been thinking about Dr. Greene's efforts to make science palatable for the masses. Leonard: Oh, yeah? What about it? Sheldon: That's all. I've just been thinking about it. Now, I'm thinking about fractal equations. Now I'm thinking about the origin of the phrase train of thought. Now I'm thinking about trains. Raj: Are you listening to this guy? Howard: Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry. I was somewhere else. Leonard: Lucky b*st*rd. Sheldon: Now I'm thinking about Jell-O. Raj: So what's up? Howard: It's a Bernadette thing. Raj: Oh, no. I hope everything's okay. Leonard: Whatever it is, we're here for you. You can tell us anything. Raj: Yeah. Good or devastating. Howard: I'm gonna ask her to marry me. Leonard: Marry you? Raj: What? Howard: Yeah. I just need to figure out the right time to pop the question. Leonard: Oh, I'd wait. Raj: No rush, no rush. Howard (phone rings): Oh, great. It's my cousin David about the ring. Hey, David, what'd you find? Oh, sure, a half a carat's fine. Her freakishly small hands make anything look big. It's one of the reasons I love her. Leonard: Man, he's going to be blindsided. Raj: I know. It'll be awful. Sheldon: Why are you smiling? Leonard: Yeah, Raj, why? Raj: Uh, a smile means something different in my country. You know, tears of joy, smile of sadness. India's a goofy place. Sheldon: Oh, I'm back to trains. Woo-woo. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: The apartment. Amy: Did I tell you our lab got a grant to study addiction? Sheldon: No. Amy: Fascinating work. I recently trained a capuchin monkey to smoke cigarettes. Sheldon: Have you learned anything? Amy: Yes. He looks much cooler than the non-smoking monkeys. Although it's not much of a contest. The other monkeys just sit around and m*st*rb*t*. Sheldon: If you don't mind, I'd like to stop listening to you and start talking. Amy: By all means. Sheldon: Howard has announced his intention to propose marriage to Bernadette. Amy: I don't understand. The original piece of gossip indicated an impending breakup. Sheldon: I know. The group consensus is that his proposal will be met with an humiliating, soul-crushing rejection. Everyone was set a-twitter. Although oddly, no one tweeted. Amy: It's not surprising that the story has captured the attention of our little circle of friends. Are you familiar with meme theory? Sheldon: I'm familiar with everything, but go on. Amy: Meme theory suggests that items of gossip are like living things that seek to reproduce using humans as their host. Sheldon: I'm no stranger to memetic epidemiology. At Johnson Elementary School, the phrase Shelly Cooper's a smelly pooper spread like wildfire. Amy: I should think so. That's gold. Sheldon: Your meme hypothesis does intrigue me. How might we examine this more closely? Amy: Do you have any ethical qualms regarding human experimentation? Sheldon: It's one of the few forms of interaction with people that I don't find repellent. Amy: We need to fabricate a tantalizing piece of gossip. Sheldon: And a second non-tantalizing piece to use as a control. Amy: Then we'll track its progress through our social group and interpret the results through the competing academic prisms of memetic theory, algebraic gossip and epidemiology. Sheldon: Look at you, getting me to engage in the social sciences. You're a vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler. Scene: Penny's door. Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. What's up? Amy: Sheldon and I engaged in sexual intercourse. In other news, I'm thinking of starting an herb garden. Mum's the word. Gotta go. Scene: The Cheesecake Factory Bernadette: Oh, hey, Raj, what are you doing here? Raj: I just felt like drinking alone, because I'm deep and dark. Bernadette: Uh-huh. So, uh, Howard's not here? Raj: No. It's just one of those times when it's just you and me. Like when the three of us went to the movies and you and I waited outside the bathroom while Howard threw up Red Vines and Cherry Coke. Do you remember that? Bernadette: Yeah. Raj: Me, too. Good times. Penny: Hey, 16 wants to order appetizers. Bernadette: Oh, thanks. Raj: This was nice. Penny: What the hell are you doing? Howard is your best friend, and that is his girlfriend. You should be ashamed of yourself. Raj: I was when I came in, but it's amazing what liquor does to guilt. Besides what you might not know is, Bernadette is planning on breaking up with Howard. Penny: Well, I know that. How do you know that? Raj: My sister told me. Penny: Oh, that gossipy bitch! No offense. Raj: None taken. You should hear how she talks about you. Penny: Okay, listen, just because Howard and Bernadette are having problems, does not mean you should be here sniffing around. Raj: What can I do? I can't stop thinking about her. Penny: All right, try thinking about this. Sheldon and Amy had s*x. Raj: Shut your ass! Penny: Yeah, it's true. Amy told me. Raj: How did that even happen? Did they know that's what they were doing when they were doing it? Penny: I-I guess they just figured it out at some point. Raj: Wow. I can't believe old Smelly Pooper finally got laid. Scene: The apartment. Leonard: Hey. Sheldon: Hey. Leonard: Hope you're hungry. Sheldon: Interesting. A friendly sentiment in this country, cruel taunt in the Sudan. It's a lesson in context. Leonard: Will Amy be joining us for dinner? Sheldon: Yes, I believe so. Leonard: Good, good. Everything okay between you two? Sheldon: Yes. Why do you ask? Leonard: No reason. I was just talking to Raj, and he mentioned what a lovely glow she has these days. Sheldon: Did he mean as if she'd been out in the sun, tending an herb garden without wearing a hat or sunblock? Leonard: No. That's not what he meant. Sheldon: Well, we may never know. As my mother would say, the Asians are an inscrutable folk. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. Leonard: Yeah, you do. You dog, you. Sheldon: Did you get that? Amy (on webcam): Every word. Our false gossip meme appears to have reached node lambda. Sheldon: This is moving faster than we thought. Amy: Agreed. It appears the rate of gossip transmission is proportional to the number of nodes squared. Sheldon: I must say, Amy, pretending to have intercourse with you is giving me a great deal of satisfaction. Amy: Slow down, Sheldon. I'm not quite there yet. Scene: The apartment, later. Leonard: Pass the soy sauce. Howard: Sure. Amy: Bernadette just asked about my sexual encounter with you. The meme has reached full penetration. Sheldon: Pun intended? Amy: No. Happy accident. Sheldon: This is remarkable. Took less than 24 hours. Amy: I should let you know that she asked for details about our dalliance. Sheldon: Interesting. So it went beyond the mere fact of coitus to a blow by blow, as it were. Amy: Pun intended? Sheldon: I'm sorry. What pun? Amy: Not important. I described your lovemaking as aloof, but effective. Sheldon: I wish you hadn't done that. That's going to make me a chick magnet, and I'm so busy as it is. Howard: Hey, everybody, I got something I want to ask Bernadette, and I can't think of a better time than when I'm with all my friends. Leonard: Oh, hold on, Howard. There's lots of better times. Raj: Leonard, please. The man is talking. Let him get it out, and let the chips fall where they may. Howard: Thank you. Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski... Bernadette: Oh, God. What's happening? Howard: I know things haven't been perfect with us, and we've had our problems, but I just have to tell you, from the moment I... Bernadette: Howard, let me just stop you right here. Raj: This is it. Bernadette: Yes. Howard: Yes, what? Bernadette: Yes, I will marry you. Howard: You will? Raj: You will? Bernadette: I will. I will! Howard: Oh, I love you so much. Bernadette: Oh, I love you, too. Leonard: Congratulations! Priya: Oh, it's so exciting. Amy: I wonder what changed her mind. Sheldon: Perhaps your talk of my sexual prowess renewed her faith in love. Amy: As good an explanation as any. Leonard: That's great. Scene: Penny's door. Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. Bernadette just texted me. Howard proposed? Amy: Yes, not important. Just stopped by to let you know I'm getting orthotics. Also, I'm carrying Sheldon's baby. Mum's the word. Scene: The stairwell, moments later. Leonard is reading a text message. Leonard: You're pregnant? Amy: Wow. Is there anything on there about orthotics?

Bernadette considers breaking up with Howard at the same time that he decides to propose marriage to her. Raj hopes that she will reject his proposal so that Bernadette will become available for dating him. The gossip swirling around these developments intrigue Amy and Sheldon enough to conduct an experiment in memetic epidemiology. They launch pairs of false gossip, only one of which is tantalizing, and measure how quickly they each spread. Bernadette accepts Howard's proposal, disappointing Raj.

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x08

fd_The_Big_Bang_Theory_03x08_0

Scene: A camp site. Howard: How much time do we have? Leonard: Uh, t-minus five hours, 37 minutes to onset of meteor shower. Raj: Okay, our position is 34.48 degrees north, 118.31 west. That means the azimuth should be 168.22 degrees relative to magnetic north with an elevation of 49.93. Howard: Anything yet? Leonard: Uh, we have a signal, but there's no frame lock. Howard: Hang on, how about now? Raj: We did it. We have the west coast feed of HBO. Howard: Ooh, Real s*x. Raj: Big deal. Every time I watch that show it's old women putting condoms on cucumbers. Howard: Alright, let's see what's on the east coast feed. Leonard: Oh, hey. Dune. Raj: Not a great movie, but look at that beautiful desert. Leonard: Too bad Sheldon couldn't come with us. Raj: Yes, it's not the same without him. (They all laugh) Howard: Oh, this sucks, I'm switching back to Real s*x. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: Sheldon's log, stardate 63345.3. While my colleagues are off observing the Leonid meteor shower, I have remained behind to complete my paper on the decays of highly excited massive string states. Although my research is going well I do miss the warmth of human companionship. (He laughs) Credits sequence. Scene: The apartment. Sheldon: And good evening to you, Siam Palace. This is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm going to be dining alone this evening, so I'll be reducing my usual order. I'd like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate and, uh, one half of the golden treasure for two. Oh, for heaven's sake, in the mid-18th century, King Rama IV of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely, you, his cultural descendant, can handle pad thai and dumplings. Penny (voice off): Sheldon help! Sheldon: I need to go, but you keep in mind that my sharply worded comments on yelp.com recently took down a local muffin store. (At Penny's door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.. Penny: Come in! Hurry! Sheldon: Penny? Penny: I'm back here. Sheldon: (At Penny's bedroom door, knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.. Penny: Oh, for god's sakes, I'm in the bathroom! Sheldon: Shall I come back at a better time? Penny: Get in here! Hurry! Don't you dare knock. Sheldon: Hello. Penny: I slipped in the shower, and I think I dislocated my shoulder. Sheldon: Not surprising. You have no safety mat or adhesive stickers to allow for purchase on a surface with a low coefficient of static friction. Penny: What? Sheldon: Tubs are slippery. Penny: I know. I slipped. Sheldon: I have a series of whimsical duck stickers on the bottom of my tub. Penny: Yeah, okay, whatever. Will you just turn the water off and help me up? Sheldon: They're holding umbrellas. Penny: What? Sheldon: The ducks in my tub. Penny: Uh-huh. Sheldon: They're whimsical because ducks have neither the need for, nor the ability to use umbrellas. Penny: Oh, my god. I got to go to the emergency room. Sheldon: Well, assuming you're correct that your right humerus is no longer seated in the glenoid socket, I would certainly think so. Penny: Okay, can you drive me? Sheldon: I don't drive. Penny: Well, I can't drive! Sheldon: Well, it seems we've reached an impasse. Penny: Ow. Sheldon: But I could call you a cab or an ambulance. Penny: No, no, no, I can't wait that long, you got to help me, please. Sheldon: All right. Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress. Penny: No one's saying that. Let's go. Sheldon: Well, it does seem rather ironic that for want of 99-cent adhesive ducks, we both might die in a fiery car crash. Scene: The camp site. Leonard: I wish Penny didn't have to work, she loves camping. Raj: Yeah, that would have been great. You and Penny having s*x in the tent while I sit out here and watch Howard hump a cactus. Howard: Okay, the best I can tell, there are eight other campsites nearby. Mostly science nerds like us, but just over yon ridge are two not unattractive middle school teachers who reek of desperation. Raj: Wow. Wonderful. How old are they? Howard: Oh I don't know, 50, 55. Raj: Oh, menopause, nature's birth control. Leonard: Come on, you guys can't be that hard up. Howard: I am. Raj: Yeah, me, too. Howard: Look, they gave me homemade cookies. Leonard: Of course, they did. That's what grandmothers do. Raj: So, what are we waiting for? Howard: Relax, I said we'd stop by a little later after they have their nap. Raj: Good idea. They'll be refreshed. Howard: Cookie? Raj: Yeah, thank you. Mmmm. Leonard: Mmmm, not bad. Raj: Yeah, very tasty. Well, so tell me more about these teachers. Howard: Not much to tell. They had a VW Microbus and were wearing tie-dyed Grateful Dead shirts. Raj: Huh. Mmm. Good cookies. Scene: Penny's bedroom. Sheldon: I see no organizational system in here whatsoever. Which panties do you wear on Mondays? Penny: I don't need panties, I just need shorts and a shirt. Sheldon: My mother always told me one should wear clean underpants in case one is in an accident. Penny: One was already in an accident. Sheldon: That doesn't mean one won't be in another, especially if I'm driving. Penny: Clothes, Sheldon. I need clothes! Sheldon: Okay, here. Penny: Seriously? Those shorts with that top? Sheldon: All right. Penny: No... No... Oh, that's cute. Sheldon: We should have you checked for a concussion. Penny: Okay, now, you got to help me put these on. Sheldon: All right. Penny: But don't look. Sheldon: Don't look? Penny: I don't want you to see me naked. Sheldon: Oh. Well, that's understandable. You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Uh, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice. Penny: Yeah, great. Sheldon: They always look. It never ends well. Penny: Ok, now you gotta help me get my arm into the sleeve. Sheldon: Ok. Penny: Is that my arm? Sheldon: It doesn't feel like an arm. Penny: Then, maybe you should let it go. Sheldon: All righty. Scene: The camp site. Leonard: Stars are pretty, aren't they? Howard: Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky. Raj: That's beautiful, dude. You should... You should write that down before someone steals it. Howard: So, when do the meteors get here? Raj: The meteors don't get here, the earth is moving into their path. Leonard: I can feel it. I can feel the earth moving. It's moving too fast. Raj, slow it down. Raj: Okay, how's that? Leonard: Better. Thanks. Howard: Stars are pretty, aren't they? Leonard: What's so funny? Raj: It's your American accent. Everything you say sounds stupid. (With an American accent) Stars are pretty, aren't they? Scene: Penny's car. Sheldon: For the record, I should let you know this is my first time driving an actual motor vehicle. Penny: You have your learner's permit, right? Sheldon: Yes, and I have logged a considerable number of hours on a simulator. Penny: Good. Sheldon: Didn't work out well. Penny: All right, can we please go? Sheldon: One moment. According to my driver's ed book, a side mirror is properly adjusted when a portion of the is driver's door handle is visible in the lower right corner. There's the handle. Oh, no, too far, bringing it back. Optimized. Now, where is the switch to adjust the passenger side mirror? Penny: It's right there. Sheldon: Where is the passenger side mirror? Penny: In a parking lot in Hollywood. Now, can we please go? Sheldon: Yes. As soon as I adjust my seat. Whee! Oh, dear. I'm going to have to start again. Scene: The camp site. Raj: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king. Leonard: I hate my name. It has nerd in it. Len nerd. Howard: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie. Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first. Leonard: You know what's a cool name? Angelo. That has angel and jell-o in it. Howard: It was my Uncle Murray's funeral. We were all back at my Aunt Barbara's house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen. Raj: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits, they hate me and don't come. I am embarrassed, so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch. Leonard: People could call me Angie. Yo, Angie, how's it goin'? Howard: To this day, I can't look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie. [SCENE_BREAK] Scene: Penny's car. Penny: Could you please drive a little faster? Sheldon: Oh, I think we're going sufficiently fast. What's that? Penny: Nothing. The engine does that sometimes. Sheldon: That can't be nothing, the check engine light is on. We need to find a service station. Penny: No. The light has been on since I bought the car. Sheldon: All the more reason to consult with a mechanic before it explodes. Penny: It's not going to explode, just keep driving. Warp speed ahead, Mr. Spock. Sheldon: Mr. Spock did not pilot the Enterprise. He was the science officer, and I guarantee you that if he ever saw the Enterprise's check engine light blinking, he would pull the ship over immediately. Penny: Oh, god, I'm gonna lose the arm. Sheldon: Oh, oh, red light, release accelerator and slowly apply the brake. Nailed it. While we have a moment, may I ask you a question? Penny: What? Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for soup tattooed on your right buttock? Penny: It's not soup, it's courage. Sheldon: No, it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup. Penny: How did you see it? You said you wouldn't look. Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks. Scene: The camp site. Howard: Anything? Leonard: No. That was the last pudding cup. Howard: No! What about Slim Jims? Leonard: That's what he used to eat his pudding, remember? Raj: Right! That was so good! Sweety and meaty at the same time. Howard: Wait. Wait, wait. So you're saying we're out of food? Leonard: The only thing in here are blue ice packs. Raj: I know they're poison, but they look like big, yummy otter pops. Leonard: Oh, god, I am so hungry. Howard: Me too. Check and see if we have any more pudding. Leonard: Okay. Scene: The hospital waiting room. Sheldon: All right, there's no need to bark at me. According to the inexplicably irritable nurse behind the desk, you'll be seen after the man who claims to be having a heart attack, but appears to be well enough to play Doodle Jump on his iPhone. We have to fill these out. Describe illness or injury. Penny: I dislocated my shoulder. Sheldon: All right. And how did the accident occur? Penny: You ready know that. Sheldon: Cause of accident, lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes? Penny: No. Sheldon: Kidney disease? Penny: No. Sheldon: Migraines? Penny: Getting one. Sheldon: Are you currently pregnant? Penny: No. Sheldon: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy. Penny: Change migraine to yes. Sheldon: When was your last menstrual period? Penny: Oh, next question. Sheldon: I'll put, in progress. Okay, moving to psychiatric disorders, list all major behavioural diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety, etcetera. Penny: Oh, my god, what the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder? Sheldon: Episodes of sub psychotic rage. Penny: Ass. Sheldon: Possible Tourette's. All right, moles, lesions or other skin conditions. Soup tattoo on right buttock. Penny: Hey, Sheldon, Sheldon, look, I am scared and in a lot of pain. Could you please just take a break from being you for just a minute and try being, I don't know, comforting? Sheldon: I'm sorry. There, there. Everything's going to be fine. Sheldon's here. Penny: Thanks. That's much better. Scene: The camp site. Raj: Oh, I'm so hungry! Leonard: Will you shut up? We're all hungry. Howard: Okay, our objective is the boy scout campsite to the east. Easy target. Big doughy scout master, couple of cubs, most webelos. Leonard: What kind of score are we looking at? Howard: Hot dogs, buns, s'mores, I mean, it's a freaking 7-11. Leonard: All right, everyone grab flashlights. Howard: Oh, my god, could it be? Yes! My mother put an I love you brisket in my backpack. Leonard: Quick, get forks. Howard: You don't need forks. It's so tender, it falls apart in your hands. Raj: He's right. Leonard: I feel like we're forgetting something important. Raj: Me, too. But what? (Behind them, the meteor shower has begun) Howard: Maybe a tupperware bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots? Leonard and Raj together: Yes! Yes! Scene: Penny's apartment. Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so, uh, don't operate heavy machinery. Try not to choke on your own drool. Penny: Wait. You have to help me get into bed. Sheldon has to get me into bed. Bet you never thought I'd say that. Sheldon: Yes. The charm of your drug addled candour knows no bounds. Penny: You know, people think you're this weird robot man who's so annoying all the time, and you totally are, but then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end. You're so full of love, and you can save a plant and get fat people out of the floaty chairs. Sheldon: That's a fairly laboured metaphor, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it. Penny: Sing "Soft Kitty" to me. Sheldon: "Soft Kitty" is for when you're sick. You're not sick. Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick. Sheldon (singing): Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... Penny: Wait, wait. Let's sing it as a round. I'll start. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... See that's where you come in. I'll start over. Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... I've got all night, Sheldon. Soft kitty, warm kitty... (Sheldon joins in with the round) little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr. Scene: The camp site. Raj is telling a ghost story with the torch on his face. Raj: ...And the next morning when he woke up, he rolled over and realized... duh-duh-duh! ...she was his cousin. Howard: That's still not funny. Raj (imitating him): That's still not funny. Howard: And she was my second cousin. Raj (imitating him): And she was my second cousin. Howard: You're a real douche. Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin.

Sheldon, despite never having driven a car before, is forced to drive Penny to the hospital after she slips in the shower. Leonard, Raj and Howard go on a camping trip to watch the Leonid meteor shower, but all succumb to the effects of "magic" cookies given to them by Deadhead campers nearby, causing them to blurt out weird secrets including Howard losing his virginity to his second cousin and they forget about the meteor shower.

fd_The_Office_09x15

fd_The_Office_09x15_0

Pam: [to Jim] Hey. I feel so lucky we're in the same city for Valentine's Day. Jim: It's like magic. Or, it's like me getting on my hands and knees and begging my partners to switch a Tuesday for a Thursday. Pam: [makes magic trick hand gesture] Alakazam! Jim: By the way, they do need an extra day next week. Pam: And, poof! He disappears. [Jim snaps, playing along] [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [to Pete] Hey! Wanna play hookey today? Pete: Oh, maybe. What do you have in mind? Erin: We can do anything you want. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I really wanna have fun today because tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. Andy's coming back from his stupid, dumb boat trip. He's been rude. He's been selfish. I think he's a big jerk. And I'm breaking up with him. Bam, Andy! How do you like me now?... I hope as a friend. [SCENE_BREAK] Pete: Erin says she's gonna break up with Andy, but I'm not sure. He's coming back tomorrow and surprise, today, she wants to do whatever I'd like. You know, when I was a kid, we had a dog who go real sick and we had to 'send him to a farm'. And on his last day, we did everything he loved. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [has an idea and reveals a frisbee from under her desk] Wanna play catch in the parking lot? Pete: [slightly surprised] Sure. Erin: Great. Pete: I'll get my coat. Erin: Perfect. [Pete walks away eying the camera knowingly] [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [knocks on Andy's door, then pretends to answer as Andy] Come in. Dwight: [talking to Andy's empty chair] Andy, hi. I just made another huge sale for the company that you manage. I need you to authorize that expense report and sign off on that contract. Dwight: [pretending to be Andy] I would be happy to. It would be my pleasure, Mr. Schrute. Rick-a-dick-doo, rick-a-dick-dick-dick, rick-a-dick-doo. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. [thinks for a moment] Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So, I've been sneaking a little bit every day for the last three months. It's been yummy. But now, Andy's coming back. So, I guess it's goodbye chunky, lemon milk. [SCENE_BREAK] Kevin: [to entire office]OK, I'll say it. I wish Andy had stayed on his trip. Nellie: I say we all have one last fun boss-less day. Meredith: Yeah, let's get some booze and some cocaine and just blow it out. No consequences. Phyllis: Or the mini mall. They have all these Valentine Day deals. You can get 20% off if you come in with your husband or your [to Nellie] boyfriend. But, I mean, if you don't have one of those you can probably just bring whoever it is you use to kill your loneliness. Stanley: Phil, I'll pretend to be your husband. I'm already sick of you, so it'll seem realistic. Phyllis: Oh... Angela: They have a nail salon there where I get my feet detailed. [to Meredith] They use a watch repair kit. Kevin: [to Angela] Ew! I'll be your foot buddy. Nellie: Everyone, it is our last day here with no manager. I say we go to the mini mall. Clark, you will be my fake boyfriend so I can get the discount. Clark: It's what I do. [everyone begins to leave] Oscar: Darryl, everyone seems to be pairing off. Do you want to pretend to be a couple so we get the... Darryl: No... yes, yes. Why wouldn't I... wanna pretend to be gay? Got no problem with that. Oscar: All right, it'll be easy. Don't be nervous, just follow my... Darryl: [interrupting] Stop talking 'bout it. I said I'm fine with it. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: [eating] These are gross. Jim: They are terrible. Pam: Oh, hey, don't fill up on chocolates. I made us a lunch reservation at State Street Grill. Jim: Oh my god. That's so romantic. Pam: It's with Brian and Alyssa. Jim: Oh my god. That's less romantic. Pam: I know. But we should go. We need to thank him for, you know, saving my life. Jim: Yeah, yeah. No, totally. That's good. So, should we just get a bottle of wine later and celebrate? Pam: That sounds nice. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: I'm very excited to see Brian. Brian's a great guy. And Pam and I have gotten really close to he and his wife, Alyssa over the years. And he got fired for protecting my wife from a jerk in the warehouse. I'm sorry, but you know him. He's a good guy. [SCENE_BREAK] Nail stylist 1: Oh, tiny, poor lady is back. Oh, get the baby clipper. [other nails stylists gush over Angela] Nail stylist 2: [to Clark] You take off your glasses. Clark: 'Kay. [removes glasses] Nellie: [nail stylist 2 giggles] What? Nail stylist 2: Your boyfriend. He look like a pretty girl. Nellie: My boyfriend does look like a pretty girl, doesn't he? Yes, a very little pretty girl. And you know what, now that you are developing, we should go and get you a training bra. [both laugh at Clark] Clark: Oh, you guys think this is funny? You know what? No more discount. [to nail manager] Excuse me. [gesturing he and Nellie] Full price. We're not together. Nellie: Oh, come on! Clark: She's living a lie. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: Turns out, I can't even be in a pretend relationship. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: [to nail manager] Hi. We'd like a couples discount on a pair of foot massages. Nail manager: No. No discount for two men. Two men are not a couple. Oscar: We are together. Romantically. Nail manager: Two men? [other nail stylist speaks Korean to manager, both laugh] [gestures index fingers bumping together] Doesn't work. No discount. Darryl: Oh, it works. Him and me, all right, we are crazy in love. More love than your small mind can comprehend. And we have two disposable incomes. And no kids. And we're taking our business elsewhere. [Oscar and Darryl exit holding hands] [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: [enters restaurant with Pam] Hey, Brian. Brian: Hey. Pam: Sorry we're late. Brian: Oh, uh, no problem. I finished all the bread. Pam: Ha,ha,ha, yeah OK. Jim: What? Pam: He's on a no carb thing. Supposedly. Jim: Oh. Brian: It's, uh, great to see you guys. Thanks for coming. Pam: Yeah. Jim: Are you kidding? Thank you, man. I mean, I've wanted the opportunity to say thanks for... everything. And I'm really sorry about the job. That just seems crazy. Brian: It's fine. What are you gonna do, you know? But, if you guys know of any work, I'm fully available. Pam: Well, my dad can't hear a thing. You could boom his whole life for him. Brian: That's... OK, great. Does he pay well? Pam: Where's Alyssa? Brian: Uh, yeah. Um, you know, Alyssa's, she's not gonna make it today. Pam: Oh. Brian: Actually, we're not gonna make it. Um... we're splitting up. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: [to Andy's empty chair] I have yet another sales order for you to sign. Dwight: [acting as Andy] Why thank you Mr. Schrute. I don't know how you do it. You're a god. Rick-a-dick-dick-doo. Andy: [in his office doorway, bearded and unkept] Hi Dwight. Dwight: You're back. [surveys Andy] And you're disgusting. [SCENE_BREAK] Phyllis: [as everyone returns to the office] Ah, geez. My nails aren't dry yet. I don't think I can work for at least a couple hours. Andy: Well, well, well, look who it is. Phyllis: Andy. Andy: I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived. Erin: Andy! Andy: Hey! Sweetheart! [approaches Erin] I have missed you so much. Erin: [obviously avoiding Andy's embrace] Yes. [gives Andy high fives] Welcome back, buddy. Andy: [attempting to hug Erin as she resists] I have been dreaming of this moment. Erin: Me too. So much. I'm so happy. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: I am really, really bad at break ups. Technically, I'm still dating my first grade boyfriend. I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary. And, I forgot to get him something. [SCENE_BREAK] Oscar: What happened? We thought you were coming back tomorrow. Andy: Well, Valentine's surprise for Erin. Hello? Super romantic. And I got you something. [removes wooden instruments from bag] Oh, it's a couple of pieces of bamboo. Big deal, right? No. These are musical instruments. It's so we can play island music together. Cause I have this. [removes g iro and begins playing and singing] Clop the cloppers. Yeah, clop 'em. It's called Bembe. [sings while Kevin echoes] Dwight: Hey, Burning Man, if it's not selling out too much, you might want to throw on a tie. David Wallace is gonna be here in an hour. Andy: Obviously, that's why I'm here. I mean, I came back early to surprise Erin. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. [tries to embrace Erin but she begins playing cloppers] But, I'm just saying, I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting. Clark: Why? Isn't he just coming in to rip you a new one for being gone three months? Dwight: No. Please. Come on, Clark. Wallace knows that he's been gone for the last three months. [Andy stalls] Right? Wallace does know that you've been gone for the last three months? Andy: I have no idea. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know. But we've been in touch the whole time. I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet in Turks de Caicos, people. It's in every Bembe cafe. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: He only emailed me four times. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Question. Where's Jim? Phyllis: He and Pam are having their Valentine's Day lunch. Andy: For two hours? Really? Oscar: So, you're concerned about peoples' long absence from their place of work? Andy: If the shoe fits. [plays g iro and sings, Kevin echoes] [SCENE_BREAK] Brian: We were telling two different versions of the same story. And then, everything just went numb. Jim: Well, I mean, that's OK. It doesn't mean that it's over. Right? I mean, couples fight. Brian: Yeah. That's the thing. When we were fighting, it weirdly felt like the relationship was still alive. And, it wasn't until we stopped fighting that, we realized that it was over. You know, it's over. [overcome by emotion] I'm sorry, this is... oh my god, OK. [to Pam] We have to stop seeing each other like this. We have to find a different way to communicate other than breaking down in front of each other. Pam: [obviously flustered] Yeah. Jim: What? Brian: At least my crying won't get you fired. Jim: Crying? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I noticed that you landed the Scranton White Pages account. That is tremendous. Dwight: Thank you. Andy: And you sold it to Jan too. Dwight: Yes! Andy: I mean... I'm impressed. Dwight: [laughing together] Yeah! Andy: Well, there's one problem. Couldn't help but notice that you offered a price point that was not approved by the head office. So... gotta run that stuff by me, Dwight. Dwight: You were on a boat. Andy: I was... Dwight: On a boat. Andy:That... Dwight: In the ocean. Andy: OK. The issue is that you need to run this stuff by me. Coolio? Are we coolio? [Dwight resists] Just say the word 'coolio'. Dwight: I'm not gonna say it. Andy: Say it. Dwight: Not a word. Andy: Coolio. Dwight: No! [Andy makes a call] What do you think you're doing? Andy: Just gonna call the Scranton White Pages and clear this right up. Dwight: Don't you dare! Andy! Jan: [on phone] Hello? Andy: Hey, Jan. Nard dog here. Jan: Oh, Andy. Andy: I was just looking over the paperwork. I found a little hiccup. Jan: Really? Andy: Yeah. It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to. Jan: Hmm. Dwight: [whispers] Coolio. Jan: Seriously? You're calling me a few weeks after finalizing our contract to gouge me now for more money? Is that what you're doing? Dwight: Coolio. Coolio. Andy: No. No, no, no Jan I think you misunderstood. Jan: Yeah. Dwight: Coolio. Andy: It, it's, it's actually just an issue... Jan: You know what? You know what, uh, Nard dog? There is an option in the contract that allows me to back out within 30 days of signing. So, I would like to exercise that option. Dwight: No, Jan! Please do not listen to this boob! Remember Clark. He gave you everything. Everything. Andy: Jan, I don't know what he's talking about but... Jan: Tell Angela to send me a final invoice. Andy: Well, ah, ah... Dwight: Please Ja, Ja... [Jan hangs up] Andy: Aw! That was not how I had hoped that would go. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: [approaching Accounting] Hey, everybody, great job. [to Angela] Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks. Angela: Yes, well, as you know, we get paid on Fridays. And you haven't been here for 12 Fridays. [hands Andy a folder] Andy: All right. Thank you very much. [examines checks] Looking good. [after noticing something on Angela's desk] Who's that little fella? Angela: It's a bonus check. For you. From Wallace. Because the branch exceeded it's targets over the past quarter. Andy: Wow, that's wonderful! Oscar: A quarter's three months. That's how long you've been gone. Andy: Uh-huh. Angela: Uh-huh. Andy: Uh-huh... [after awkward pause] Uh-huh. [Angela hands him the bonus check] Thank you. Great. Well, we're all up to speed. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen. Clark: [emotional] Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week. Kevin: He just waltzes back in here like he owns the chunky, lemon milk. Who needs him, right? Dwight: God! I just don't know what we'd do. I mean, short of telling David Wallace that he was gone for three months. [SCENE_BREAK] Dwight: I'd like to rat out Andy. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a boy-who-cried-wolf dynamic with David Wallace. Except, instead of a boy, I'm a man. And instead of a wolf, I cried genetically-engineered monster wolf. [SCENE_BREAK] Nellie: I'm not going to rat on him. No, Andy gave me a second chance. So, the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him. Meredith, why don't you? Meredith: Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no nark. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no nark. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's me. Flesh hoover? Erin: Hey! Pete: Meredith, that's plenty. All right? That's more than plenty. Why does no one stop her? Erin: Guys. I know that a lot of people are mad at Andy and, believe me, I am too. But, he has been through a lot and we all used to love him, right? So, if he's gonna get in trouble, just let it be his fault not ours. I don't want that on my hands. Dwight: Fine! The state he's in, Wallace will take one look at him and probably fire him anyway. Andy: [appears approaching group, shaved and in a suit] What's going on in here, dirty players? Let's get back to busting some paper rhymes. Come on. [singing] Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Andy! [resumes talking] All right. Back to work. [SCENE_BREAK] Pam: OK, I can tell you're mad at me. Do you wanna just, um, I don't know, tell me why? Jim: I don't know. I thought that was a little weird. You told me Brian got fired for the whole warehouse thing. And you intentionally left out a kind of major, intimate detail. I don't know, Pam, I guess I just feel like a chump. Who knows less about his marriage than the sound guy. Pam: I didn't tell you about the crying because I didn't want you to know how upset I was. Because it would've stressed you out and you're always saying how much you don't want more stress. Jim: Yeah, well. Yeah, OK. Well, then thank you. Thanks to both of you. Pam: It's not Brian's fault. Jim: No, you're right. And, and I'm not mad at Brian. And to be honest, I probably don't have any reason to be mad at all because I wasn't there. So, let's just forget about it. Pam: OK. [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: I need you guys to tell me all the highlights from the last three months in case David asks. Just a few things I could sprinkle into conversation. Any big sales or office gossip. Dwight: Well, we had the Scranton White Pages. Andy: Not helpful. Let's stay positive, people. OK? David Wallace: [enters] Hey guys. Andy: Hey! David! How are ya? Ah, we were just having our weekly round table where we motivate each other. Not gonna lie, I get as much out of it as they do. David Wallace: Sounds great. Don't let me interrupt. What ever you guys have been doing this last quarter, I couldn't be happier with the numbers. Andy: Thank you. David Wallace: Well, finish up. I'm gonna meet with Val about that warehouse guy you had to let go and you and I will talk in 15 minutes? Andy: Great! David Wallace: [leaving] Great job, everybody! Andy: [whispering] We had to let a warehouse guy go?! Kevin: You know Pam's mural? Well, Frank... Dwight: [interrupting] ... lit the whole thing on fire. It was crazy. Andy: What?! Dwight: Yeah. Andy: There was a fire in the warehouse? Dwight: The whole thing is in ashes. Fire department was here. It was in all the papers. Kevin: Whoa. Andy: This is what I'm talking about! This would be good to know. All right, what else? Phyllis: We started selling balloons. Andy: What?! Clark: Yeah. And, uh, Kathy Ireland signed on as the official spokes-babe of Dunder-Mifflin. Andy: No kidding? Clark: Yeah. In the European billboards, she's gonna be topless. Andy: Wow. Go Kathy. She's like 50. Clark: They're tasteful. Andy: Good, good. What else? [SCENE_BREAK] Andy: Who knew the balloon game would be so lucrative? And thank god, right? We needed the income after the fire. David Wallace: What fire? Andy: The warehouse fire. Weren't you just down there? It's like burnt to ashes. David Wallace: It looked fine to me. Andy: [catches on to the ruse] I am speaking metaphorically, of course. You know I have lots of irons in quote-unquote fire. Well, that's one of them. You know, making sure that the warehouse logistics is a well-oiled, properly-stoked fire. David Wallace: OK. Andy: I think you'll agree I explained that pretty well. [SCENE_BREAK] David Wallace: [preparing to leave] Thanks, Andy. Andy: Thank you. David Wallace: All right. Everyone! [waves to office and exits] [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [enters Andy's office to find him playing g iro] Fish sounds great. Andy: Yeah, I guess. Erin: Really playing the scales, huh? Andy: Yeah, it just sort of sounds like noise to me now. You think I need a new fish? Erin: I don't love you anymore. Andy: What? Erin: I still like you, but you were gone a really long time. And, you didn't really email me all that much. You retweeted me, a lot to be fair. But I don't love you. Andy: OK, I get it. You're unhappy. I've been gone a long time and we lost a little bit of juju. But, you and me, we have a future. There is a lot of love here. Erin: I just said there isn't love. Andy: On your side. But there's tons on my side. It's gushing. We're just out of sync right now. But that's just timing, it's timing. I mean, my parents lasted 38, 40 years. They were never happy at the same time. Erin: I guess. Andy: I mean, what do we have left? 35, maybe 40 years? If we're lucky. I mean, I have spent a lot of time in the sun. Erin: You got really sunburned. Andy: I'm gonna be a prune in like, 3 years. Erin: Ugh. Andy: I know you may not be feeling love for me right now but, if you fake it, I won't be able to tell the difference. So, I'll feel good. And then, eventually, maybe, you'll actually start to love me again. Erin: You really think we can get that back? Andy: Yes. [hugs Erin] Come on. Totally. [SCENE_BREAK] Jim: You know what? Maybe we should cancel that bottle of wine tonight. Pam: Oh? Jim: Yeah. I just feel like I got a bunch of stuff to do in Philly and I'm sure you have stuff to do. So we can just... I don't know, drop me at the bus station? Pam: Are you sure? Jim: I just feel like we're gonna fight. Pam: [obviously hurt] Yeah. Jim: So... how 'bout let's not? Pam: OK. [they begin to leave] Jim: Oh, um. [pulls item from bag and hands to Pam] Happy Valentine's Day. Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it. Pam: [sees it's a drawing of hers, framed] Wow. I didn't know you kept this. Jim: Yeah, yeah. Pam: Thank you. Jim: No problem. Pam: I don't think you should go to Philly tonight. I think that you should stay and I think we should fight. Jim: You really wanna fight on Valentine's Day? Pam: Yeah, I do. Jim: OK. All right, put your dukes up, Beesly. [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: Hi. Pete: Hey, you OK? Erin: I couldn't do it. Pete: Oh. Erin: I'm sorry. Pete: Oh, you don't have to apologize. I just... I just want you to be happy. OK? [Erin smiles and kisses Pete] [SCENE_BREAK] Erin: [bursts into Andy's office] We're breaking up. And just so you know, I was worried that you were dead. You were gone for three months. David Wallace: [on phone] Hey, Andy. It's David. Still here. What was that about three months?

The office pairs into couples so that they may all be able to take advantage of a Valentine's Day discount at a mini-mall. After Andy returns from his boat trip, Erin decides that she is going to break up with him so that she can be with Pete, but Pete begins to doubt her. Pam and Jim share lunch with Brian, the documentary's sound man.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x17

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_01x17_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] STEFAN: For over a century, I have lived in secret until now. I know the risk. But I have to know her. DAMON: There's a tomb underneath the church. A spell sealed Katherine in that tomb, protecting her. I'm gonna bring her back. DAMON: She's not there! STEFAN: You saved everyone in the church? PEARL: We've taken up residence in a farmhouse just outside of town. DAMON: All 25 vampires? PEARL: Some. FREDERICK: I hate this house. I didn't stay locked up for 145 years to end up locked up here. PEARL: So, where's Bethanne? FREDERICK: She won't be coming back. ALARIC: My wife Isobel spent her life researching paranormal activity in this area. What have you done to my wife? DAMON: I turned her. JEREMY: Maybe there is such a thing as vampires. They're just different from the way we always thought they were. JEREMY: Aah! You got a problem with blood, Anna? Ahh! JEREMY: I knew this girl Vicki. She was attacked by an animal, a bite to the neck. And then I saw your face. ANNA: Why would you confront me about it? JEREMY: Because maybe it's true about Vicki. And also because I want you to turn me. GILBERT'S HOUSE Elena sleeps whereas, outside it makes a violent one storm. Suddenly, it awakes in start because her window opens brutally. It rises and will close again it shocked. On their side, Jeremy in his room, sitting on his bed whereas Anna looks at outside. ANNA: I love storms. JEREMY: Is that a vampire thing? 'cause I read vampires don't like running water. ANNA: It's only Dracula. Yeah. He was a complete wuss. Never showered. Very smelly. JEREMY: Seriously? ANNA: First rule about vampires, don't believe anything you read. JEREMY: You gotta tell me more. I gotta know. ANNA: No, you don't. 'cause you're not gonna be one. JEREMY: Come on, you can't keep saying "no" To me. ANNA: Look, I'm not gonna turn someone who learned everything he knows about vampires from Netflix. JEREMY: That's not true, and you know it. ANNA: Why do you even want this? Give me one good reason. JEREMY: 'cause I... ANNA: Hmm. Let me know when you can finish that sentence. (Elena returns in the room, Anna left) ELENA: Hey, you're still up. JEREMY: Hey, what's up? ELENA: Looks like the there's a big storm rolling in. Can you help make sure all the windows are closed? JEREMY: Yeah. Yeah. Sure. MLLE GIBBONS' HOUSE Pearl comes to talks with Frederick. FREDERICK: We're running low on blood. You might wanna send Anna to the hospital for some more. PEARL: I'll send her out for some tomorrow. FREDERICK: Maybe I could go with her. If the storm keeps it dark enough, I might be able to go out during the day, no sun and all. PEARL: I'm afraid not. Not after your stunt at the Salvatore house tonight. FREDERICK: He and his brother deserved it. PEARL: And where did that get you? Your girlfriend Bethanne is dead. And you have no one to blame but yourself. We cannot live our lives about revenge. We have to have better control of our emotions. FREDERICK: I understand, miss Pearl. I just wish I knew what you were up to. PEARL: I'm going to make an exploratory visit into town tomorrow to assess who's under the influence of vervain and who isn't. Anna tells me that the players haven't changed much. It's still the Lockwoods, the Forbes, the Fells... FREDERICK: We should kill every last one of them. PEARL: We are smarter than that, Frederick. These people are not our enemies. We don't hold grudges and resentments. We'll get our town back. We just have to have patience. FREDERICK: You heard her. No revenge. Patience. Self-control. She seems to have it all figured out, doesn't she? SALVATORE'S HOUSE Damon stopping the hole of the window with a board while Stefan and Elena look at him. DAMON: I say we go to Pearl's, bust down the door, and annihilate the idiot that attacked us last night. STEFAN: Yeah. And then what? We turn to the rest of that house of vampires and say, "Oops. Sorry?" ELENA: I can't believe you made a deal with her. DAMON: It was more like a helpful exchange of information. And it's not like a choice. She's... scary. Besides, she's gonna help me get Katherine back. ELENA: Of course she is. Damon gets what he wants, as usual. No matter who he hurts in the process. DAMON: You don't have to be snarky about it. ELENA: I woke up this morning to learn that all the vampires have been released from the tomb. I've earned snarky. DAMON: How long are you going to blame me for turning your birth mother into a vampire? ELENA: I'm not blaming you, Damon. I've accepted the fact that you're a self-serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities. DAMON: Ouch. STEFAN: This isn't being very productive. We're gonna figure out a way to deal with Pearl and the vampires. Yeah? Hmm. (Damon goes out) ELENA: I'm sorry. He just makes me so cranky. STEFAN: I know. He makes everybody cranky. ELENA: So, what are we going to do? STEFAN: Damon and I are gonna handle everything, I promise. ELENA: Well, what about me? I can't just sit here and do nothing. STEFAN: That's exactly what you're gonna do, because that's what going to keep you safe. ELENA: Which means nothing if you're not safe, too. STEFAN: What do you mean? I'm perfectly safe. I have Damon, the self-serving psychopath on my side. ELENA: Well, that's comforting. MISTIC GRILL Jeremy talks with Anna. ANNA: Ok. We have some time. I'm not meeting my mom until later. JEREMY: Wait. Does your mom know you're a... ANNA: The fact that you would even think it's possible to keep something like that a secret from your own family is just further proof that you're not ready. JEREMY: "Not ready" Is a step up from "No." ANNA: And a million steps down from "Maybe." I like your bracelet. JEREMY: Thanks. My sister got it for me. ANNA: Can I see it? JEREMY: Yeah. Yeah. ANNA: Your sister doesn't know you're hanging out with me, does she? JEREMY: No. No. But I don't see why it would be a problem. It's not like she knows what you are. ANNA: I'd rather keep it our little secret. JEREMY: You know, why don't you...why don't you keep this? ANNA: Why would you give this to me? JEREMY: Because. You like it. And I like you. ANNA: You only like me because of what you want from me. JEREMY: No. I...I like you. ANNA: Um... You know, you should wear it. It looks better on you anyway. Matt talks with Caroline. MATT: I yelled at my mom last night. You know, I feel like the parent and the screwed-up kid. CAROLINE: Maybe she needed to hear it. MATT: Yeah, but just... I worry that if I push too hard, then she will take off again. 'cause that's her M.O. Just like Vicki, who I haven't heard from since she left. CAROLINE: Well, you can't control your mom, Matt, any more than you can control your sister. MATT: I wish that she would just try a little. You know? If she would just try to try, that'd be ok. CAROLINE: Maybe she'll surprise you. People have a tendency to do that. I should go before the roads get even worse from the storm. MATT: Yeah. Are you sure you should be driving right now? CAROLINE: I have to. It's my dad's boyfriend's daughter's birthday. We have a non-traditional traditional ritual. MATT: Well, buckle up. Don't speed. Stay off your cell phone. And call me when you get there. CAROLINE: Got it. Anything else? MATT: Yes. CAROLINE: Bye. MATT: Bye. SALVATORE'S HOUSE Damon putting the clock per hour while Stefan between in a hurry. DAMON: Hunting party? STEFAN: That guy did a number on me last night when he stabbed me. I gotta get my strength back up. DAMON: I've got 2 liters of soccer mom in the fridge. No? STEFAN: We'll talk when I get back? DAMON: All right. Give my regards to the squirrels. DRILL Stefan, under the beating rain, drives out. Suddenly, it stops bus of the vampires are behind him. It is turned over. But Frederick is pointed in front of him and inserts a pile in the body to him. STEFAN: Aah! GILBERT'S HOUSE The telephone of Elena sounds, she takes it but notes that it is Damon. She is unaware of the call. A few seconds later, somebody sounds. She will open, it is Damon which enters. DAMON: You're ignoring me ELENA: The 6 missed calls? Sorry. My phone is dead. DAMON: Is Stefan here? ELENA: No. Why? Something wrong? DAMON: He went out to the woods and didn't come back. I can't get him on his phone. I figured he was here with you. ELENA: It's going straight to voice-mail. Where could he be? DAMON: You're not going to like what I'm thinking. MLLE GIBBONS' HOUSE Damon knocks on the door. DAMON: Pearl! Open this door. I swear to God I'll bust through and rip your head off. FREDERICK: Pearl's not home. Hmm. Beautiful weather. Not a ray of sun in the sky. DAMON: Where's my brother? FREDERICK: Billy. (Two vampires appear trailing failing Stefan) DAMON: You're dead. FREDERICK: Whoa. I'm sorry. You haven't been invited in. Miss Gibbons? (She comes in) GIBBONS: Yes, Frederick honey? FREDERICK: Never let this bad man in. GIBBONS: I'll never let him in. STEFAN: Ugh! FREDERICK: 145 years left starving in a tomb, thanks to Katherine's infatuation with you and your brother. First few weeks, every single nerve in your body screams with fire. The kind of pain that can drive a person mad. Well... I thought your brother might've wanted to get a taste of that before I killed him. Billy. STEFAN: Uhh! Aah! FREDERICK: You have a nice day. GRILL Elena asks to Damon what it's happened. ELENA: What happened? Where is he? DAMON: They have him. I can't get in. ELENA: Why not? DAMON: Because the woman that owns the house is compelled to not let me in. ELENA: I can get in. DAMON: You're not going in there. ELENA: I'm going! DAMON: You're not going there. ELENA: Why are they doing this? What do they want with him? DAMON: Revenge. They want revenge. ELENA: We gotta do something. DAMON: I know. ELENA: We can't let them hurt him. We gotta get him out of there. DAMON: I know. Elena, I know. But I don't know how to get him out. MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE Vampires connecting Stefan with cords covered with vervain in the cave. FREDERICK: Vervain on the ropes. STEFAN: Aah! Unh! FREDERICK: That's gotta sting. Speaking of... STEFAN: Aah! (Harper comes in) HARPER: This isn't right! FREDERICK: He killed Bethanne. One of us, Harper. And don't you think for a second he wouldn't kill you if he had the chance. Pearl says we're not here for revenge, right? I say that's exactly what we're here for. Starting with this. STEFAN: Aah! Aah! FREDERICK: And then his brother. And anyone else that gets in our way. HARPER: This isn't right! FREDERICK: You're gonna want to let go of me! HARPER: Miss Pearl will be home soon. FREDERICK: Miss Pearl is no longer in charge. Tie him up! And then stake him down. HIGH SCHOOL Alaric going in his class when he crosses Damon. They are fixed. DAMON: Well, don't you look... alive? ALARIC: You can't hurt me. DAMON: Oh, I can hurt you, all right. ELENA: Mr. Saltzman. We need your help. They enter in the classroom. ELENA: Stefan's in the house. Damon's a vampire. He can't get in. We need you. I would go, but... DAMON: Your life is valuable. Yours, on the other hand... ELENA: Stefan told me about your ring. ALARIC: What about it? DAMON: Let me recap...You tried to kill me. I defended myself. You died. Then according to my brother, your ring brought you back to life. Am I leaving anything out? ALARIC: Yeah. The part where I try and kill you again. Only this time, I don't miss. ELENA: Mr. Saltzman. Please. It's Stefan. ALARIC: I'm sorry, Elena. But it's not my problem. DAMON: That's a shame. Because the woman in charge of the crowd can help you find your wife. ALARIC: You're lying. DAMON: Am I? Why don't you ask her yourself? Coward. Come on, Elena. ALARIC: All right! Wait. I'll go. MYSTIC GRILL Jeremy gives his answer to Anna asks him. JEREMY: So, I have an answer. ANNA: To what? JEREMY: Why you should turn me. ANNA: We're back to that? JEREMY: Look, I wake up every day, and I feel ok, but there's something missing. Like a...like a hole. Some people, they fit... in life, or whatever. I... I don't. ANNA: So, you want a pity-turn? I don't think so. JEREMY: You should turn me because I don't have anything else. ANNA: Do you even know why we turn other people? It's not to give someone a one-way ticket out of loner-hood. Ok? One--we need someone to do our dirty work. Two, revenge. Three, boredom... but, you know, that never turns out well. And then you know there's the obvious one. You love someone so much that you would do anything to spend all of eternity with them. Ahem. I'm sorry, but you don't fit any of those categories yet. (Anna sees her mother to enter in the grill) ANNA: So, yeah. Just make sure your thesis is clear, and she'll love it. See you later. (She joins her) ANNA: Mom, hey. PEARL: Did you get everything? ANNA: Yeah, the blood-bank was understaffed because of the rain. I was in and out. PEARL: Who's that you were talking to? ANNA: A friend from the library. PEARL: Let's get home. M. Lockwood and Tyler enter in the grill. M. LOCKWOOD: Hey, you're not going out in that, are ya? The roads are dangerous. Route 5 is completely flooded. PEARL: We'll make do. WAITRESS: Mayor Lockwood, we have your table ready. TYLER: Great. PEARL: Mayor... Lockwood, is it? I suppose it is treacherous outside. My name is Pearl. M. LOOKWOOD: Hi. PEARL: This is my daughter Anna. We've just recently moved to town. M. LOOKWOOD: Welcome. Richard Lockwood. This is my son Tyler. Please--please, join us. PEARL: It would be a pleasure. TYLER: Be more creepy, dad. Not like your son is standing right here. M. LOOKWOOD: Grow up. Elections are coming. She's a constituent. And a rich one, from the looks of it. TYLER: You can tell all that by looking at her ass? Awesome. I'm gonna go shoot some pool. ALARIC'S CLASSROOM Alaric shows his weapons to fight vampires. DAMON: Teacher by day, vampire hunter by night. ALARIC: I've you to thank for that. ELENA: What are these? ALARIC: Those are tranquilizer darts filled with vervain. DAMON: Just get me in. I'll get Stefan out. ELENA: That's your plan? You're just gonna take them all on yourself? DAMON: Well, I'll be a little stealthier than that, hopefully. ALARIC: Whoa. What are you doing? ELENA: I'm going with you guys. DAMON: No. No. No. No. No way. ELENA: You need me. I'll get in. You could distract them, and then I'll get Stefan out. DAMON: You'll get yourself killed. You're not going in there. ELENA: I'm going. DAMON: So, when you get me in, get out as quickly as you can. I know how to sneak around where they can't hear me. You'll basically just be in the way. ELENA: Damon, now is not the time to be the lone ranger. DAMON: Fine. Elena, you can drive the getaway car. You're not going in the house. ELENA: You can't stop me. It's Stefan we're talking about here. You don't understand. DAMON: Oh, I understand. I understand. He's the reason you live. His love lifts you up where you belong. I get it. ELENA: Can you just not joke around for 2 seconds? DAMON: I can't protect you, Elena. I don't know how many vampires there are in there. That's how long it takes you to get your head ripped off. I have to be able to get in and get out. I can't be distracted with your safety. Or this will end up a bloodbath that none of us walk away from...Including Stefan. I know. I get it. I understand. ALARIC: If we're gonna go, let's go. [SCENE_BREAK] MYSTIC GRILL/CAROLINE'S CAR Matt calls to Caroline. MATT: Where are you? I can barely hear you. CAROLINE: Storm washed out Route 5. Now I'm detoured on some random backwoods path to hell. MATT: Well, you shouldn't be talking while you're driving. CAROLINE: I know, right? I need one of those bluetooth thingies. MATT: Look, you're breaking up. Just turn around and go back the same way you came. And watch the road. Ok? CAROLINE: Ok. DRILL The car of Caroline was inserted in mud. CAROLINE: God. Ohh. Ohh. Seriously. MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE Alaric makes pretense require of the assistance. ALARIC: Oh, good, someone's home. Uh, could I use your phone? My car broke down a few miles up the road. This was the first house I saw. FREDERICK: Well, lucky you. ALARIC: Yeah. Lucky me. It's no trouble, is it? FREDERICK: Not the slightest. ALARIC: Great. Whew. (Alaric enters in the house) ALARIC: Hey, man, I really appreciate it. It's rough out there. FREDERICK: Billy, show our visitor where the phone is in the kitchen. And get me something to drink. BILLY: Yeah. Sure thing. Billy asks to Mme Gibbons if Alaric can use her phone. BILLY: Hey, miss Gibbons, this guy wants to use your phone. MLLE GIBBONS: Oh, sure, honey. It's right there. ALARIC: Thanks. (Alaric will take of the telephone but Billy follows it with a knife. Alaric is turned over quickly and planted the knife in the belly of Billy) BILLY: Aah! (Alaric opens the tap and lights the mixer so that nobody notices something) MLLE GIBBONS: What's happening? ALARIC: I'm really sorry. But you're gonna need to invite a friend of mine inside. (Alaric opens the door to let Damon to enter) MLLE GIBBONS: Oh, I'm sorry. He's not allowed in the house. ALARIC: I know that. But you gotta make an exception. DAMON: Get her out of the house. Now! Miss Gibbons, tell me the truth. Are you married? MLLE GIBBONS: No. DAMON: Parents, children, anyone else who lives on this property? MLLE GIBBONS: No. It's just me. DAMON: Good. ALARIC: You were supposed to compel her. DAMON: It doesn't work that way... ALARIC: She is human. DAMON: And I'm not! So, I don't care. Now, get out of here. And get rid of the body! DAMON'S CAR Elena waits in the car. it finds a vervain syringe in a bag. MYSTIC GRILL Pearl discusses with the mayor. PEARL: I'm in the process of obtaining some property. I understand that your family is the largest property owner in town. RICHARD: Well, yes we are. Dating all the way back to the town's original charter. PEARL: Your family came into a lot of new property in 1864. RICHARD: You know your history. PEARL: It's a passion of mine. Tyler talks with Matt. TYLER: Guy's not even subtle about it. MATT: Who is that? TYLER: It's not my mother. Jeremy sees Anna playing darts, he will join her but Anna does not want. Her mother sees that Jeremy wanted to approach. PEARL: I'm sorry, Mayor. Do you know that boy over there? RICHARD: Yeah it's Jeremy Gilbert. PEARL: You don't say. MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE Frederick realizes that Billy did not return. he sends another sees where he is. FREDERICK: Billy, what's the holdup?! (The man enters the kitchen and Damon gives him a blow on the head) JACOB: Aah! DAMON' CAR Alaric turns over to the car and discovers that Elena is not there any more. It sets out again with the bag filled with weapons. ALARIC: Damn it, Elena! MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE Elena is in front of the main door. She wants to pass but she hears Frederick. FREDERICK: Billy, Jacob, get back in here! Then, she goes towards the driving staircase to the cellar. She goes down, opens a grid. She sees a vampire which keeps the cellar. Damon arrives of another staircase and injects vervain with the vampire. Damon sees her. DAMON: Are you insane? DRILL Caroline leaves her car to try to have network in order to call somebody. While going in the sheets too close to the river, she stumbles. While wanting to be raised, she discovers a death in decomposition. CAROLINE: Aah! Aah! MYSTIC GRILL Pearl talks with her daughter. PEARL: Jeremy Gilbert? Is that what you've been up to? ANNA: He's my friend. What's the big deal? PEARL: His family is the reason I was stuck in a tomb for over a century. ANNA: That doesn't mean he'll make the same choices. PEARL: I want you to stop seeing him. ANNA: I've been on my own for a long time, mother. I can make my own decisions. PEARL: Then stop acting like a child! As soon as Jeremy finds out what you really are, he will turn on... ANNA: He already knows. PEARL: What did you just say? ANNA: Jeremy knows. ANNA: He likes it. And he likes me. (Pearl gives her a slap) MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE Stefan and Trevor are locked up in the cellar. They discuss. STEFAN: Uhh. Thank you. For trying to help me. TREVOR: They just needed somebody to blame. Someone to punish. (Elena ans Damon enter in the cellar) STEFAN: Elena...You shouldn't be here... DAMON: She was supposed to stay in the car. STEFAN: Unh! No. No. No. Not him. DAMON: Whatever. Let's get you down. STEFAN: There's vervain on the ropes. DAMON: Elena, pull that. STEFAN: Unh! DAMON: All right, let's go. Clothes on. STEFAN: Wait. DAMON: What? Guys, come on. We have to get out of here. STEFAN: Uhh! DAMON: Come on, we gotta go. STEFAN: The other one. TREVOR: Uhh! DAMON: Can you get him in the car? ELENA: Yeah. DAMON: All right, go. ELENA: What about you? DAMON: You rescue, I'll distract. Go. Frederick suspects that it does without something abnormal. FREDERICK: Turn that down. It's too quiet. Spread out. Now. You two, back of the house. Go. Check out both rooms. Cellar, now. IN WOOD Elena takes along Stefan to the car. STEFAN: Uhh. ELENA: Can you make it? STEFAN: Uhh! Unh. (They fall down) STEFAN: Ohh. You ok? ELENA: Yeah. Come on, we gotta keep going. Come on. STEFAN: Ugh. MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE Damon is thrown on Frederick by surprise. FREDERICK: Aah! Ugh! DAMON: Aah! Aah! (Damon and Frederick fight but vampires come in reinforcement to help Frederick. Damon is able to be released and Alaric plants a pile in the heart of the vampires) ALARIC: I'm going after Frederick! IN WOOD Elena and Stefan arrived in front of the car. ELENA: Come on, it's right over here. (Elena wants to start but the key is not any more on the contact) ELENA: Stefan... (Frederick takes Stefan by surprise) FREDERICK: Aah! STEFAN: Ugh! Uhh... FREDERICK: This is for Bethanne. STEFAN: Aah! FREDERICK: And this is for the tomb. ELENA: No! (Elena plants the syringe in the back to him) FREDERICK: Ugh! Unh! ELENA: Stefan... STEFAN: Unh. Uhh. ELENA: Stefan...Stefan... No, Stefan. Stefan, Stefan. Stefan! Stefan! MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE Damon did not find Frederick in the house. DAMON: Frederick is gone. ALARIC: Let's get out of here. DAMON: I'm gonna kill him. (Damon and Alaric leave, they see an army of vampires approaching them) DAMON: How many of those vervain darts you have left? ALARIC: One. DAMON: Not gonna be enough. DOVONAN'S HOUSE Matt's mother prepares diner. MATT: Hey, mom. What's going on? MATT'S MOTHER: What's it look like? MATT: Honestly, I wouldn't know. I've never seen it before. MATT'S MOTHER: Well, sit down. You might wanna order pizza. I'm out of practice. MATT: Mmm. Mystery casserole. Yum. MATT'S MOTHER: Yeah. Some people aren't meant for the kitchen. MATT: What? MATT'S MOTHER: Uh, I know it's been rough. But I'm gonna try. I mean, really try this time. You just have to bear with me, ok? MATT: Ok. MATT'S MOTHER: Ok. Good. MATT: You know I got it. MATT'S MOTHER: That bad, huh? (Somebody sounds with the door, Matt will open. It is Caroline with her mother) MATT: What happened to you? SHERIF: Hey, Matt. MATT: Hey. What's going on? SHERIF: Is your mom home? MYSTIC GRILL Richard is informed of the news. M. LOOKWOOD: Alright, give me 10 minutes. And keep it out of the news till I get there. Grab your stuff. We gotta go. TYLER: Kinda got half a burger left. M. LOOKWOOD: They found Vicki Donovan. TYLER: Are you serious? Where was she? M. LOOKWOOD: Storm unearthed the grave off county road. They just brought her body down to the morgue. JEREMY: Wait. She's dead? M. LOOKWOOD: Come on, we gotta go. IN WOOD Elena tries to help Stefan. ELENA: Stefan, please. Stefan! Oh, Stefan, please get up. Get up, Stefan. Stefan. Here. STEFAN: Elena, please run. ELENA: No. STEFAN: Please. ELENA: Stefan. My wrist. Here. Take my wrist. You need more blood. STEFAN: Go, Elena. Run. Run... ELENA: No. STEFAN: I trust you. MLLE GIBBONS'S HOUSE Pearl and Anna come home. ALARIC: So, what you said to get me to do this, about my wife. It was a lie, wasn't it? DAMON: Yep. PEARL: Stop. What's going on here? What did you do? DAMON: Me? Your merry little band of vampires spent the day torturing my brother. PEARL: Trust me. The parties responsible for this will be dealt with. DAMON: Our little arrangement doesn't work unless you learn to control them PEARL: This wasn't supposed to happen. DAMON: Well, it did. If I had a good side...Not a way to get on it. IN WOOD Frederick wants to kill Stefan but this one is able to be raised and to push him against a tree in order to complete him with a piece of branch. STEFAN: Argh! Ahh! Aah! Aah! ELENA:Stefan! STEFAN: Argh! SALVATORE'S HOUSE Stefan talks with Elena. ELENA: How are you doing? STEFAN: I'm ok. The wounds have mostly healed. ELENA: Good. STEFAN: Elena... ELENA: Yeah? STEFAN: What you did today, coming to help me...You could have been killed. ELENA: I know. STEFAN: And what I did, I'm sorry that...I'm sorry that you had to see it. ELENA: I've just never...You were like this other person. And it's my fault. I made you... STEFAN: What, no. no. no. You didn't make me do anything. You were saving my life. And I was saving yours. Everything's gonna be ok. (Elena's phone rings, Elena answers) ELENA(at phone): Hey, Jer...What--what's going on? Oh, no. DOVONAN'S HOUSE Everyone is there, Caroline brings coffee to Matt. CAROLINE: I made you some coffee. MATT: Thanks. CAROLINE: Are you is there anything I can do? MATT: I just, uh...I need to be alone right now. (Elena is here, she intertwines Matt) ELENA: Matt... MYSTIC GRILL Damon join Alaric with the bar. DAMON: That was fun. Oh, don't look at me like that. I know you hate me. Guess what? Everyone hates me. But you can't deny it. We were bad-ass. (Alaric gives him a punch) DAMON: Uhh. Happens. GILBERT'S HOUSE Elena and Jeremy return at home. ELENA: Jer... Are you ok? JEREMY: I'm gonna go get some sleep. Jeremy goes up in its room, Anna is there. ANNA: What are you doing? JEREMY: My...my friend Vicki... She's...She's dead. ANNA: Vicki? The one you thought was a... JEREMY: Yep. Turns out she's been dead all along. ANNA: She's the reason you wanted to turn? You wanted to be with her? JEREMY: Look, I'm sorry. SALVATORE'S HOUSE Damon enters a part and sees perfusion of blood with their pipes emptied. Then one sees Stefan sitting by ground drinking one of them. End of the episode.

A bad storm approaches Mystic Falls making the roads dangerous. Jeremy keeps trying to convince Anna to turn him, but she refuses. While out hunting, Stefan is captured by Frederic and his friends, who intend to torture him before killing him. Damon goes to the house, realizing he cannot get in because the owner of the house has been compelled not to invite him in. Damon and Elena therefore convince Alaric to work with them to help Stefan. Damon, however, will not allow Elena to come into the house with them. Pearl meets Mayor Lockwood in the Mystic Grill. Meanwhile, Matt is angry with his mother Kelly, but is fearful of pressuring her too much, afraid that she may leave again. Alaric enters the vampire house under the pretext of borrowing the phone. Damon kills the human living in the house, thus enabling him to enter. After her car breaks down in the storm, Caroline discovers the remains of Vicki Donovan in the woods. Matt and Kelly are heartbroken by the news. Damon and Elena rescue Stefan, but a fight erupts in which Damon and Alaric kill most of the vampires. Frederick comes after Elena and Stefan, wounding Stefan badly. Elena has to feed Stefan her blood to revive him. Stefan briefly loses control of himself. Anna agrees to turn Jeremy, but she then figures out (and he does not deny) that the real reason he wanted to be turned was to be with Vicki, whom he now knows to be dead. Damon discovers that Stefan has lost control of his blood lust, drinking large amounts of human blood from Damon's storage of IV bags.

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[TRIQUETRA] ROSE MCGOWAN (NARRATOR): Previously on Charmed ... FLASH IN. [Scene from 8X01: Still Charmed and Kicking] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Phoebe adds a pinch of something to the potions pot. The contents explode and a cloud of white smoke rises up.) PHOEBE: Voila. New identities. (Phoebe and the others turn and look at their reflection in the mirrors. They each see their 'new' selves.) VICTOR BENNETT: How is it you can see your other selves reflected in the mirror? PHOEBE: It's part of the spell. PIPER: You know, this just might work. [Scene from 8X02: Malice in Wonderland] [INT. BILLIE'S DORM ROOM -- DAY] (Paige talks with Billie Jenkins.) PAIGE: What's your name, anyway? BILLIE JENKINS: Billie. PAIGE: How long have you been a witch? BILLIE JENKINS: Not that long. Just up till really recently, I noticed I had these --these powers. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X01: Still Charmed and Kicking] [CLOSE: KITCHEN DOOR] (Phoebe and Paige poke their heads out of the kitchen doorway.) PAIGE: Who is he? PHOEBE: I don't know his name. It's some guy that I used to see in the elevator all the time at work. [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - HALLWAY/ELEVATOR - DAY] (Phoebe and Dex Lawson meet.) PHOEBE: I'm Julie, Phoebe's cousin. DEX LAWSON: Dex. Dex Lawson. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X02: Malice in Wonderland] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY] (Paige is scrying when she gives Phoebe the message.) PAIGE: Hey, the paper called for you. PHOEBE: Really? What did they want? PAIGE: Well, I think they want to talk to you -- or cousin you. [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Phoebe is typing on the computer. Voice Over is from earlier in the episode.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) Apparently the newspaper's having a hard time. Getting the advice column out, so they asked me to help out a little bit, which I thought was kind of weird, but I said sure. [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN -- DAY] (Phoebe looks at Dex Lawson.) PHOEBE: Did you have some - DEX LAWSON: I ran into your editor in the elevator, told her I thought you might be able to help. FADE TO END OF PREVIOUSLY ON [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM - MORNING] (Piper is digging through her closet while Leo and Paige lean up against the doorway waiting for her to pick something to wear.) LEO: Piper, you're gonna be late. PAIGE: I can orb you. PIPER: No. No. We -- No orb. We drive like normal people. PAIGE: Yeah, well, normal people get stuck in traffic jams. PIPER: Did you put my silver earrings back after you borrowed them? PAIGE: Piper, you're stalling. PIPER: I am not stalling. (Piper walks out of the closet.) LEO: Wow. You look great. PAIGE: It's okay if you're scared. It's understandable. PIPER: I'm not scared. PAIGE: Oh, yeah, right. That's why you changed outfits three times. PIPER: All right, well, maybe I am a little nervous. (She puts her jacket on.) I don't really know why I'm doing this, anyway. LEO: You're doing this because it's what you want to do. Look, if you get nothing else out of being dead to the world ... PAIGE: And to the underworld ... LEO: At least you went out and you tried something new. You know? You expanded your horizons. PIPER: Who writes your stuff? PAIGE: The thing is, you just need to relax a little. Okay, Piper? It's just an interview. PIPER: With a corporate headhunter who's going to, what, get me a job at IBM? I don't think so. PAIGE: I thought you wanted this. PIPER: No, actually, it was dad's idea. He set it up. LEO: Because he knew you wanted to try something new. PIPER: No. I am perfectly happy running P3. LEO: You were not happy last week about anything. PIPER: One little meltdown. Okay? I'm allowed. PAIGE: Okay, look, the point is, you've got a new lease on life. We all do. And you need to just take your own advice. You know? Get out there. See if there's other people you want to mingle with and talk to. PIPER: Mm-hmm. And what about all the demons in the world? PAIGE: We've got Billie for that. PIPER: And she's just a kid. What if she can't handle it? PAIGE: She will. She's learning, and I've got her upstairs studying right now. LEO: Yeah, and -- and as far as the play date, you know, I got it covered. PIPER: I know. But really, little Kenny is - LEO: ... is allergic to peanut butter. I know. You told me. You're stalling. (Piper turns and looks at her 'new' image in the mirror.) PIPER: I just wish I didn't feel like such a fraud. PAIGE: All you need to do is remember the you that's on the inside. Okay? And besides ... who's gonna figure it out ... Jenny. [SCENE_BREAK] [FLASH FORWARD] (From the Halliwell Manor, we travel up and across San Francisco City.) [EXT. ALLEY -- DAY] (Inspector Parker has his gun pointed at a blonde-haired woman who looks incredibly like "Jenny," Piper's new identity.) LIEUTENANT PARKER: Put your hands on your head. Now! MAYA HOLMES: Je n'ai rien fait! (With her hands raised, she turns around to look at Inspector Parker.) MAYA HOLMES: Vous devez me confondre avec quelqu'un d'autre. LIEUTENANT PARKER: Save it, Maya! I know you understand me. You're under arrest for murder. (She kicks the gun out of his hands, then turn and kicks him again in the face, bringing him down to his knees. He falls to the floor, out cold.) (She kneels down and picks up the gun.) MAYA HOLMES: Damn you. (She sighs and leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO (STOCK) - DAY] [EXT. MANOR -- DAY] (It's a bright sunny day, when a loud explosion sounds, shaking the entire house.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- DAY] (Paige runs into the attic.) PAIGE: Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! (She coughs.) PAIGE: Are you okay? (Books are strewn on the floor around Billie. Paige helps her up.) BILLIE JENKINS: (groans) Ohhh ... yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm--I'm okay. I'm ... whooh! That was, uh, that was awesome! (Billie is amazed by the magic.) PAIGE: Awesome? You almost blew the house up! How's that awesome? BILLIE: Oh, just the attic. Besides, this place is a wreck. Do you guys ever put anything away? PAIGE: You were just supposed to be ... reading. BILLIE: That's all I was doing! PAIGE: Well, then what happened?! BILLIE: I don't know. Remember, I'm very, very new at this. PAIGE: Unhh! (Paige picks up the Book of Shadows' bookstand and figures out what Billie did.) PAIGE: You read a spell out loud, didn't you? BILLIE: Yes, I read out loud. PAIGE: That is not reading. That is chanting. And that ... uhh! (She picks up the Book of Shadows.) ... is how things go boom! (She slams the Book of Shadows onto the bookstand.) BILLIE: Okay, cool. Lesson learned. What's next? PAIGE: What's next ... is that you go back to college and take a break from all this. BILLIE: Why? It was just one little mistake. Haven't you heard of the learning curve? (Paige glares at her.) Look, I'm here because you need me, right? So you girls can go have a normal life while I go kick some demon ass. So the more you teach me, the more I can get out there and go do my thing. PAIGE: The first thing you're gonna be doing is cleaning up your mess. (Paige shoves a book in Billie's hands.) BILLIE: Well, why? Can't you just cast a spell and make it pick itself up? PAIGE: That would be something called personal gain, which is something we don't do. Okay? Plus, we want to keep the use of magic to a minimum so the demons don't find out we're still alive. BILLIE: Oh. Okay. Yeah. Three chicks move in under the same roof. Hello. How dumb can they be? (Paige shoves another object in her hands.) Sorry. PAIGE: Look, I get the spells and witchcraft and potions. They're really fun. It was not long ago that I was kinda going through the same thing, learning the ropes. But here's the deal. It's actually really dangerous. And until you respect that, you're not gonna really, truly learn anything. BILLIE: Okay. You're right. You're right. I will. I will respect it. I promise. PAIGE: Thank you. BILLIE: So, when can we go vanquish demons? (Paige rolls her eyes at Billie.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) Hey, don't look at me. You're the Whitelighter. [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - PHOEBE' OFFICE - DAY] (Phoebe is in her office, sitting behind her desk and putting on her make-up. Her door is shut and blinders drawn. She's on the speaker phone with Paige.) PHOEBE: (to phone) Yes, I realize she's there to help us all, Paige, but I'm working. And you'll be, too, soon as she gets her stuff together. You know? ASSISTANT: (from intercom) Julie, Dex Lawson here to see you. PHOEBE: (to phone) Oh, I gotta go. I gotta go. My future husband's here. My future husband's here. I gotta go. I'll see you at lunch. See you at lunch. (She pushes the disconnect button just as the door opens. Dex Lawson peers in.) DEX LAWSON: Bad time? PHOEBE: No. This is a great time. Come on in. (She motions him inside.) Wanna sit? DEX LAWSON: I can't. I gotta get back to work. I just wanted to stop by and see how the new job's going. PHOEBE: The new job? Oh! Right. I'm sorry. I completely blanked. Uh, it's ... great. It's like I've been here for years. DEX LAWSON: Yeah, well, it shows. Sound just like her. PHOEBE: Who? DEX LAWSON: Phoebe? You know, the column ... Advice ... PHOEBE: Oh. Right. Of course. DEX LAWSON: Yeah. I mean it, Julie. It's uncanny. It's ... it's ... almost like you're channeling her or something. PHOEBE: Well, I'm gonna have to work on that, 'cause that's kinda weird, huh? So ... you called about something? DEX LAWSON: Uh, yes, I did. Um ... how do you feel about art shows? PHOEBE: Well, that depends on the art. DEX LAWSON: How do you feel about my art? PHOEBE: I love it. DEX LAWSON: Good answer. Um ... look, I know we've only gone out a couple times, but, uh ... I mean, I was just wondering if, uh ... PHOEBE: I'd love to. DEX LAWSON: Love to what? PHOEBE: Love to come to your art show tonight. If ... that's what you were asking. DEX LAWSON: I was trying to. How'd you know? PHOEBE: I'm psychic. (Phoebe playfully touches his shoulder. She's suddenly hit with a premonition.) (Quick flash to: [INT. DEX'S LOFT/GALLERY] At the art show that night, there's an earthquake and Dex's art work smash to the ground and break into pieces. End of premonition.) (Phoebe stares at him, a little shaken by the vision.) DEX LAWSON: What happened? PHOEBE: The earth moved. PIPER: (v.o.) Sometimes life just throws you a curve ball, [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. LANDER & ASSOCIATES -- CORPORATE OFFICES -- DAY] (Piper is in the middle of her job interview.) PIPER: ... and I'm Piper's cousin, so somebody had to step in to take care of the kids. HARPER JENNINGS: Of course. That's very noble of you. Still, how do you expect to work full-time if -- PIPER: Oh. Well, I have two other cousins who can pitch in, and the boys, um ... well, they have a man around. Another cousin. By marriage. My marriage. I'm married. HARPER JENNINGS: It's all on the application. Isn't it? PIPER: Yes. Yes. It's -- it's all here, Ms. Bennet. PIPER: Uh, Jenny. HARPER JENNINGS: Jenny. PIPER: I'm wasting your time. HARPER JENNINGS: No, no. No. It's not that at all. Um ... your resume's ... very impressive. Really. Anybody Victor vouches for is all right by me. It's just ... PIPER: Just what? HARPER JENNINGS: Well, frankly, I get the impression you don't really want to be here. PIPER: Oh, no. No. That's not true. Really. Well ... maybe it's a little bit true. HARPER JENNINGS: But ... PIPER: (sighs) Honestly, I really don't know what I'm doing with my life at the moment. This change ... this ... tragedy ... it's really forced me to open my eyes and see just how far my life got off track. And after a while, it just seemed like one big battle after another. HARPER JENNINGS: Oh, yes-- the metaphorical battles we face each day. PIPER: Yeah. Except mine were a little more literal. But my point is, I'm here because I want to find myself again. I want to dedicate part of my life to a new purpose. And, really, I work very hard, and I'm very good with people. HARPER JENNINGS: You don't have to sell yourself on me, Jenny. PIPER: I don't? HARPER JENNINGS: No. The credentials speak for themselves. Besides ... you're honest ... straightforward. Very important traits every high-level exec should have. PIPER: High-level exec? HARPER JENNINGS: That's where I'd place you based on everything I'm seeing here. (He takes out a digital camera.) HARPER JENNINGS: Smile. (He takes her photo.) It's for the background check. It's pro forma. PIPER: Background check? (From behind the desk, we're given a glimpse of the computer screen. The digital photo he took is already on the monitor showing Piper's 'new' look.) HARPER JENNINGS: Give me a couple of days, see what I can come up with ... and we'll meet again Wednesday. Is that all right? PIPER: Are you kidding? That's great. Thank you. (Piper stands up and shakes his hand.) HARPER JENNINGS: Sure. (Piper turns and leaves the office.) (Harper Jennings presses the enter key and Piper's photo and information are mailed off for the background check.) [INSERT: CGI EFX] (The information zooms through the computer circuitry, through the cables and into the computer at BSI Background Security, Inc.) [INT. BSI -- SECURITY -- DAY] (The e-mail with Piper's new identity opens on the computer monitor.) (The technician who is eating a hoagie sandwich, sits up in his chair, presses the buttons on the keyboard and waits for a response.) (The computer searches and comes up with a mug shot photo for: METRO PD HOLMES, MAYA 6851B-275 ) (The technician reaches for the phone and makes the call.) TECHNICIAN: (to phone) We've got a problem. PIPER: (v.o.) Actually, it wasn't a problem at all. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTSIDE OFFICES -- DAY] (Piper steps out into the sidewalk. She's talking on the phone with Leo.) PIPER: (to phone) It went a lot better than I thought it would. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] (Leo is standing in the conservatory doorway. Wyatt and the other children are playing in the room behind him.) LEO: I won't say I told you so. PIPER: Good. Don't. How's the Motley Crew? (He glances behind to check.) LEO: Uh, they're doing fine. They're enjoying their sundaes as we speak. PIPER: Actually, I was talking about the moms. Be careful of Eve. She can kind of be ... LEO: (interrupts) Piper ... PIPER: What? LEO: I can handle it. Enjoy your lunch. Celebrate. PIPER: Celebrate what? LEO: Your new life. (Amused, Leo hangs up and steps into the conservatory with the other moms.) VIVIAN: Uh, use your words, sweetie. (Leo sits down in the chair with the other moms.) VIVIAN: Uh! I swear, if Edith stands up one more time at PTA, she's gotta go. DARK-HAIRED WOMAN: Get rid of her. Cement shoe city. SHORT-HAIRED WOMAN: She's joking, of course. LEO: Oh, I get it. Just pretend I'm one of the gals. (One of the children starts whining.) VIVIAN: Mommy said use your words. Oh, does this agro stage ever stop? SHORT-HAIRED WOMAN: Not if you're like my husband ... EVE: Believe it or not, some men are sensitive. (to Leo) Look at you and what you're doing. Taking care of your cousin's kids. LEO: It's what family does. EVE: Yeah, but most men wouldn't set aside their career for the sake of the children. God, I just -- I really admire you. (She gives Leo a smoldering look.) (The whining child continues to whine.) VIVIAN: Ok, enough. (She reaches out and picks up her son.) I'm sorry, sweetie, but mommy told you if you can't use it safely, she's taking it away. Come on. EVE: And all on your own. No ring. You're not married? LEO: Oh, um, actually, it's a long story. (Eve's son comes running up to her. He's carrying a bowl of ice cream.) TOMMY: Mommy! Mommy! Oh! (He trips. The bowl of ice cream flies out of his hands and lands squarely on Leo's shirt.) (The other women watch EVE: Oh, God, I am so sorry. TOMMY: Oops. LEO: It's okay. It was -- it was an accident. EVE: Here. Let me clean that off. (She takes a napkin and dabs at the ice cream mess on his shirt while her other hand rests on Leo's thigh.) (The other women watch, fully aware of what Eve's doing.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. STREET -- DAY] (Police cars screech to a halt in front of the office building. Inspector Parker exits the car. He's on his radio,) LIEUTENANT PARKER: Suspect is considered armed and dangerous. Approach with extreme caution and on my orders only. We don't want any civilians hurt. Copy that. VOICE: (from radio) Copy that, lieutenant. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. OUTDOOR CAF -- DAY] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige sit at an outside caf table eating lunch.) PIPER: I don't know. I'm just not used to it, I guess. PHOEBE: What, feeling happy? PIPER: No. I mean, the guy's probably just blowing smoke anyway. He's probably not gonna call with any real opportunities. PHOEBE: Now that's the old Piper we all know and love. PAIGE: Jenny. PHOEBE: Nobody's listening. And nobody cares. That's the beauty of it. PAIGE: You know what? I hear that Dex cares. (Paige makes kissy noises at Phoebe.) PHOEBE: Yeah, until the earthquake destroys everything he's ever worked for. PIPER: What earthquake? PHOEBE: I mean, talk about ruining a moment. PAIGE: What moment? PHOEBE: You know, the moment. When you look into each other's eyes and you can feel the romance and the passion ... the desire. PAIGE: (wistfully) It's been such a very long moment since I've had a moment. PHOEBE: I mean, how am I supposed to marry a guy that I don't even know without having the moment? PIPER: But really, back to this earthquake. PAIGE: Maybe your premonition was so you could stop it from happening. PHOEBE: How am I supposed to stop an earthquake? PIPER: 5.5, 6, 7? What are we talking about here? PHOEBE: How am I supposed to know? LIEUTENANT PARKER: (o.s.) Maya Holmes! (Behind them, Lieutenant Parker and a couple of officers have their guns on Piper.) LIEUTENANT PARKER: This is the police! Stand up and put your hands on your head! (Through the reflection in the glass window, we see what everyone else sees - the girls with their new looks sitting at the table.) (Piper and Phoebe look around, confused.) PAIGE: (to Piper) I think they're talking to you. (Sure enough, there's a row of police officers with their guns on Piper.) (Piper puts her hands up in the air in surrender.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. POLICE STATION (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. POLICE STATION - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY] (Paige and Phoebe are in an interview room. Phoebe's pacing the floor while closing her cell phone.) PAIGE: Oh ... got somewhere you need to be? PHOEBE: Oh, you know, I just need to stop an earthquake. PAIGE: Phoebe! PHOEBE: What? It was your idea, Paige. PAIGE: Yeah, that was before Piper got arrested for murder. (The door opens and the guard escorts Piper into the room. Piper is in a prison orange jumpsuit.) PHOEBE: Oh, my God. GUARD: Five minutes. Make 'em count. (Piper sits down as the guard leaves them alone.) PAIGE: Oh, honey, orange is so not your color. PHOEBE: (groans) Paige! PAIGE: What? It's true. Ok, don't worry because we've fought demons, we've fought warlocks. This is just a minor blip. PIPER: I don't think so! They think I'm somebody else. PHOEBE: Well, you are somebody else. PIPER: No, but I'm not a fugitive. That's not the alias that I picked. At least not intentionally. Now have you called Darryl? PHOEBE: We did and we left him a message, but he's on the east coast now, so I don't think he's gonna be able to help us. PAIGE: Well, how did you choose this disguise anyway? PIPER: (sighs) I don't know. I just did. PAIGE: Well, you had to have gotten it somewhere. You couldn't have just plucked it out of the cosmos. PIPER: Well, no, I guess not. PHOEBE: Okay, you have to try to remember. You must have seen her face somewhere. Maybe TV or internet or the newspaper. Something. Think. PIPER: Maybe it was a magazine. PHOEBE: A magazine. Okay, good. Any idea which magazine? PIPER: Well, how am I supposed to know? One of the ones you all have laying around the house. PAIGE: And you're going where with this? PHOEBE: Well, I'm just thinking if we could find the picture that inspired her, then we can use that to scry for the real Maya. PIPER: And then helps me how exactly? PHOEBE: Well, because we'll orb you out and orb her back in. Get the real killer behind bars. PIPER: Phoebe, you can't orb me out of jail! PHOEBE: Yeah, I think we can. If we do it simultaneously, nobody will ever know. PAIGE: Yeah, and you've got your own cell, so there's no exposure risk. PIPER: Yes, but -- PHOEBE: No buts! This is what we're gonna do I'm gonna go to the newspaper and search the archives for Maya. You go home and look through magazines. PAIGE: Got it. Oh, just so you know, I saw a documentary on prison once. You're gonna be just fine. All you have to do is keep your eyes low and your shoulders high. We're gonna have you out of that unflattering color in no time. (Paige pats Piper's shoulder on her way out. Phoebe also adds her two cents before following Paige.) PHOEBE: Show no fear. (The door closes behind them, leaving Piper alone in the room.) [INT. JAIL - HOLDING CELL - DAY] (Piper is in her cell. She whispers to the guard.) PIPER: Um, I thought I was gonna be alone. GUARD: Now you've got company. Play nice. (The guard turns and leaves. Piper turns around and looks at her cell mate. Piper smiles.) JAX: What are you smiling at? (The smile vanishes from Piper's face.) PIPER: Me? I didn't smile. I--I wasn't looking at nothing, I didn't smile at nothing, I'm not doing nothing. (She turns around.) PIPER: Okay ... (to herself) Eyes low, shoulders high. (croaks) Leo? (Piper bangs her head against the cell bars.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- DAY] (Leo is standing over the kitchen sink in his undershirt while Eve has her hands in the sink washing Leo's shirt.) LEO: You know, you really don't have to do that. EVE: I insist. It's the least I can do seeing as how my Tommy made the mess. Are you sure that undershirt isn't dirty, too? Why don't we wash it? (Eve grabs the hem of Leo's shirt and start to lift it up.) LEO: Uh, you know, I could just throw it in the washing machine. EVE: Nonsense. Here, let me. (Leo tries to keep his shirt on and they both chuckle . In the back, Paige walks into the kitchen.) PAIGE: Hey there. Excuse me. Am I, um, interrupting anything? LEO: Uh - uh -- Jo - mmm -- Eve, Jo, Jenny's cousin. PAIGE: So, uh, Louis, may I speak to you for a second? (She smiles at him and crooks her finger for him to come to her. Leo chuckles wryly and walks out. Paige follows him.) [INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM / SITTING ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (They walk through the dining room to the sitting room.) PAIGE: What the hell are you doing? LEO: What do you mean, what am I doing, huh? I gave the kids some sundaes and Eve's little son Tommy spilt on me. (Paige sits down on the couch and grabs a table magazine. She starts flipping through it.) PAIGE: Yeah, whatever. Okay, why don't you just explain that to your wife after we get her out of jail. LEO: Jail? PAIGE: Mm-hmm. If you weren't so busy flirting, maybe you would know about that already. LEO: Look, I wasn't flirting, okay? It was Eve. You know what? Never mind, okay? What is going on? PAIGE: What happened is that Piper chose the wrong disguise, which unfortunately she found out after she was arrested for murder. LEO: Murder? PAIGE: Yes, and apparently, she thinks she got her alias out of a picture in one of these magazines. LEO: Wait a second. PAIGE: Look, I don't have time for this, neither does Piper, okay? So if you really, really want to help, maybe go get rid of your lady friend. LEO: Okay, you know what? She is not my lady friend, okay? She's a friend, but she's just a lady. PAIGE: Whatever. Just please help me find Maya Holmes. The real Maya Holmes. LEO: Who? PAIGE: (sighs) Just go. (Leo heads back to the kitchen as Paige continues to flip through the magazine. She stops on a page of Maya Holmes, modeling a green gown.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Billie sits in the attic, flipping through the Book of Shadows. Paige rushes into the attic. Billie spots her and sees the determined look on Paige's face.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, something's going on. (She gets up eagerly and follows Paige to the potions table.) BILLIE JENKINS: Is a demon problem? Is it, is it, is it? (Paige starts throwing ingredients into the potions pot.) PAIGE: Not now, Billie. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, you're making a potion. Is it a vanquishing potion? Oh, come on, Paige, teach me. I'm here to learn, aren't I? PAIGE: It's a big problem, okay? It's a big problem. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, good, good. I've been studying the Book. I know how to vanquish demons, I know -- PAIGE: (irritated) It's not a demon problem. BILLIE JENKINS: What other kind of problem is there? PAIGE: It's a Piper's in jail problem. BILLIE JENKINS: In jail? PAIGE: Mm-hmm. They're confusing her with somebody, and that somebody else is who I have to scry for. (Billie turns to get her stuff to help.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, scrying. I love that. I'll go get my laptop -- (Paige stops her.) PAIGE: No, no, no. What if it doesn't work? It has to work. That's why we're doing this the old-fashioned way. No laptop scrying. Old-fashioned. Keep it simple. (She sighs.) PAIGE: Please work. (She picks up the tongs and removes the picture ad of Maya Holmes from the pot.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAIL - HOLDING CELL -- DAY] (Jax, a large blonde-haired woman, nearly twice Piper's size, rolls up her sleeve as she advances on Piper. Piper backs away from her, hands in the air.) PIPER: Whoa, whoa! Let's just hang on a second 'cause we can work something out here. You know, we're both grown adults and I wasn't smiling at you, you weren't smiling at me. (Just then, the guard walks in and opens the cell door.) GUARD: Holmes! You got a visitor! PIPER: Holmes! That's me! (Piper walks out of the cell.) Well, I gotta go. Okay. See you later. (The guard closes the door behind her leaving Jax in the cell alone, leaning against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAIL - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The guard brings Piper into the interview room where a well-dressed man in a business suit is waiting for her.) WALTER NANCE: Hello, Maya. (The guard uncuffs her and leaves, closing the door behind her.) WALTER NANCE: Good to see you. PIPER: It's good to see you, too. Are you my lawyer? (Walter Nance laughs.) WALTER NANCE: No, I don't think so. I think I'll be prosecuting this one ... personally. PIPER: (sighs) I see. So, what do you want? WALTER NANCE: I just wanted to see you again, that's all ... in private. Did you really think you'd get away with it? Running from the law? Running from me? (Piper doesn't like his tone.) PIPER: I guess I did. WALTER NANCE: What did I ever do to you, Maya? What did I ever do to deserve this? PIPER: Why don't you tell me? WALTER NANCE: I offered you the world. I gave you everything I could, and then you just ... you just threw it back in my face, didn't you? What did you expect, that I'd just let you get away with it? PIPER: It was time for me to move on. WALTER NANCE: No, it wasn't time! It wasn't time at all! Not until I said so! I warned you not to mess with me, didn't I? I told you what would happen if you left me for that - that photographer. What was it you saw in him? What could he have possibly given you that I couldn't? Just youth? PIPER: Well, it didn't hurt. WALTER NANCE: Yeah, it did! It hurt a lot! It cost him his life, didn't it? And now I'm gonna see to it that it costs you yours. (Piper realizes what he's talking about.) PIPER: It was you. It wasn't her at all. WALTER NANCE: What kind of game are you playing now? PIPER: Wouldn't you like to know? WALTER NANCE: You don't have anything on me. You wouldn't have gotten caught if you did. PIPER: Are you sure about that? I'll see you in court. (He walks up to her and leans in close.) WALTER NANCE: It won't get that far, Maya. (With that threat, Walter Nance leaves.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. THE BAY MIRROR (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN -- DAY] (The bullpen is bustling. Phoebe walks out of her office and heads over to Seth.) PHOEBE: Anything on Maya yet? SETH: You just asked me, like, two minutes ago. PHOEBE: Yeah, well, I've got deadlines, too, you know? SETH: What, are you giving fugitives advice now, too? (She glares at him.) SETH: Sorry. Uh, just ... Give me another minute. PHOEBE: Ok. (Phoebe turns and sees Gregg walking by.) Hey, Gregg. I've been looking all over for you. How's the baby? GREGG: Fine. (He sits down at his desk.) How do you know about her? PHOEBE: Well - what -- of course I know about the -- I mean -- you know, do I have to explain this every ... never mind. Let's talk earthquakes. GREGG: Earthquakes? PHOEBE: Yeah, earthquakes. I think it's really important that we run a story, maybe even in tonight's edition, about earthquake preparedness. What do you think? GREGG: Why? PHOEBE: Why? Well, I think it's really important that people are prepared for earthquakes, you know? I mean, one can strike at any time. One could even hit tonight, you know? SETH: I think I've got something. PHOEBE: Okay. Evening edition, right? Safety first, right? (Phoebe rushes back to Seth.) Okay, lay it on me. SETH: Okay, so basically, Maya Holmes was a local model, used to date Walter Nance, the ADA. Okay. PHOEBE: Okay? SETH: Okay, well, she left him for some photographer who was found shot to death in his apartment two weeks later. It was a lover's quarrel, you know, crime of passion kind of thing. PHOEBE: Right. She did it. I get it. What I want to know is how can I find her. SETH: But she's already been found. I mean, they arrested her this morning. (Phoebe sighs.) PHOEBE: Yeah, but ... I mean, wouldn't it be just crazy if she had a twin? Now that's a story. Keep looking, okay? I want to know relatives, agents, friends, whatever you can find. Chop-chop. (Phoebe turns and heads back into her office leaving the two men sitting there, blinking their eyes.) SETH: Remind you of anybody? (Gregg nods.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MOTEL ROOM -- DAY] (Paige orbs Billie into the motel room.) PAIGE: Okay. Gotta be careful. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, come on. How dangerous can a model be? (Suddenly the door is kicked open as Maya bursts into the room hitting Billie back against the wall. Paige dodges a kick. Maya deflects a punch from Billie who then kicks her in the stomach.) (She falls back toward the dresser, grabs the gun on the top and points it at them.) PAIGE: Lamp! (The lamp orbs off the cabinet top and smashes into Maya's head, knocking her out. She hits the floor with a thud.) BILLIE JENKINS: That was close. PAIGE: Good. Fear. We're making progress. [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. JAIL - CELL -- DAY] (Piper sits on the bench, looking at the unappetizing gunk on the food tray.) JAX: Guess what? Lunchtime for the hacks means me and you get to finish what we started. PIPER: Mm-mmm. (Jax advances toward her, then throws a punch. Piper puts her hands up and freezes her.) PIPER: Ugh. For crying out loud. (Piper gets to her feet and picks up the heavy metal tray.) PIPER: You see? You had to be a tough guy. (She swings the tray and hits Jax on the head, knocking her to the ground. She groans.) (Piper jumps to the floor.) PIPER: And there's more where that came from! (Piper is orbed out. The metal tray she's carrying hits the floor with a clang. A beat later, the real Maya Holms is orbed into jail in her place. She's blindfolded.) (She removes the blindfold and looks around.) (Jax groans as she turns around. Maya quickly picks up the metal tray.) JAX: No! No, wait! Don't hit me again! I won't hurt you, I promise! (Maya looks around, confused by what's going on.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Billie and Paige stand in the main hall waiting. Piper orbs in.) BILLIE JENKINS: Oh! It worked! PIPER: What happened? What did you do? PAIGE: We switched you out with the real Maya Holmes. PIPER: Oh, well, that's great. But she's innocent. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NANCE'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (Will talks to Walter Nancy who is standing in front of the mirror changing his tie.) WILL: I tried Judge Watkins and Judge Kitner. Neither one of them have called me back. WALTER NANCE: Then call Chief Ellis. Remind him he owes me. I want Maya released ... now! WILL: With all due respect, sir, don't you think you might be overreacting? I mean, after all, how do you know she's not bluffing? WALTER NANCE: Are you willing to bet your career on it? Because I'm sure as hell not. I know Maya. She should have been scared, but she wasn't. She's got something on me, and I gotta stop her before it gets out. WILL: Stop her how? WALTER NANCE: How do you think? WILL: I still say you should just let the system do its job. WALTER NANCE: I am the system! Where's Javi? (Will snaps his fingers.) WALTER NANCE: I want to look my best for Maya. (Javi steps forward carrying a slip metal briefcase. Walter Nance sits on the seat waiting as Javi opens the case.) (Walter looks at Will.) WALTER NANCE: Botox? WILL: No ... thanks. (Javi takes out a syringe and preps the needle.) [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM --DAY] (Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Billie talk.) PAIGE: How were we supposed to know? They said you were alone. PIPER: Well, obviously, I wasn't. LEO: You sure she didn't see you orb? PIPER: No. Fortunately, I think she was seeing stars at the moment. PHOEBE: Can we get back to why you think Maya's innocent and what we're gonna do about it? PIPER: I don't think Maya's innocent. I know she is. Nance basically admitted to killing the photographer. LEO: Nance, the district attorney? PIPER: Yeah. LEO: Great. BILLIE JENKINS: Well, can't we just vanquish him? PIPER: We don't usually vanquish humans. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh. Just asking. PAIGE: Billie, maybe you should just go upstairs and study for a little bit. BILLIE JENKINS: What? Why? I've been studying all day. PAIGE: Billie, just ... please? BILLIE JENKINS: Fine. It's just like living at home again. (Billie leaves.) PAIGE: Practice patience. PHOEBE: So, if Nance is guilty, we need proof. PIPER: Well, she must have something on him. LEO: Then why hasn't she used it? I mean, why run? PIPER: She was probably scared. He's a high-powered district attorney. He's well-connected, and she wouldn't stand a chance up against him, which is why you need to switch us back. PAIGE: What? You want me to put you back in jail? Just long enough for you to find out what she's got on him. LEO: What about your cell mate. I think I can take care of myself. PHOEBE: Ok. Well, I think that should give me enough time to stop Dex's show. PAIGE: Excuse me? PHOEBE: Look, I did not ask for this, and if I don't do something, then the premonition about us getting married, not gonna happen. And the future-child premonition? That's not gonna happen, either. PAIGE: Yeah. Ok. Go. Fantastic. Good idea. PHOEBE: Ok. Eyes low, shoulders high. (Phoebe leaves.) PIPER: Mm-hmm. PAIGE: I'm gonna go check on Billie. (Paige leaves.) PIPER: That's a good idea. (The doorbell rings. Leo and Piper look at each other. Leo doesn't look like he's going to move.) PIPER: Well, I'll get it. (Piper gets to her feet and whacks Leo on the foot as she goes to answer the door.) (Grumbling, Leo gets up to follow her.) [INT. MANOR - FOYER - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Piper opens the door. Carl, Eve's husband bursts in. He sees Leo and glares at him.) PIPER: Uhh! Hi, Carl. CARL: You the dirtbag hitting on my wife? (Carl steps up to Leo and pulls his arm back to hit him.) PIPER: Whoa! (Piper freezes him mid-punch. Leo pulls back, expecting to be punched, but sees Carl frozen in front of him.) PIPER: What's going on?! (Leo backs away from Carl's fist.) LEO: Uh ... I don't know. Uh ... I didn't do anything. (chuckles) It was -- it was Eve. PIPER: What exactly did Eve do? LEO: (flustering) Oh, come on, Piper. You know me. PIPER: Uh-huh, I do, and I also know Eve. So you must have done something to encourage her. LEO: No, nothing. Except maybe, you know ... she thought that I was single. PIPER: Oh. You didn't tell her you were married. LEO: No. Look, it all happened so fast, you know? We never really got the chance to discuss, you know, everything, with our disguises I mean, we don't even -- we don't even have rings on our fingers, so ... PIER: Hmm! That's a good story. Now get back into position. LEO: What? Why? PIPER: We gotta save Maya. We got stuff to do, so let's get this over with. You gotta get back into position. LEO: (sighs) You are so enjoying this, aren't you? PIPER: Yeah. (Leo gets back in front of Carl's frozen fist.) (He blusters as he looks at the oncoming punch. He turns his cheek and braces himself.) (Piper un-freezes Carl.) (Carl punches Leo in the face, knocking him backward to the floor.) PIPER: Ooh! Wow! (Piper grabs Carl and gently, but firmly leads him back to the door.) PIPER: Now, don't you feel better? Ok. Thanks for stopping by, Carl. Say hi to Eve for me, ok? See you later. (Piper opens the door and Carol leaves.) (She closes the door, turns and smiles at Leo who is still on the floor.) (Leo sighs.) (Piper smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. DEX'S BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. DEX'S LOFT / GALLERY -- DAY] (Dex is moving his sculptures into place as Phoebe watches. They talk.) DEX LAWSON: You want me to do what? Cancel my show? PHOEBE: Well, maybe not cancel. Maybe just postpone? DEX LAWSON: Why? PHOEBE: Why? Did you not read the article on earthquake preparedness in the newspaper today? I mean, we are due for a major shaker at any moment. Actually overdue. DEX LAWSON: A major shaker, huh? PHOEBE: Yes, a major shaker, and imagine what it would do to your artwork. It would be disastrous. (He chuckles.) DEX LAWSON: I think I can risk it for one night. (He starts to move a third piece into place; Phoebe stops him.) PHOEBE: No, you can't. DEX LAWSON: Wait. You're serious, aren't you? PHOEBE: Yeah, I'm really serious. DEX LAWSON: Julie, I can't cancel my show. I got every major art critic in town coming. It's make or break for me. PHOEBE: Okay. Then if we cannot move the show, we're gonna move your artwork so that it's safe, you know? (Phoebe tries to move one of the pieces she remembers as being destroyed. Dex gets alarmed and tries to stop her.) DEX LAWSON: Hey! Easy with that! PHOEBE: Put that right there. Good. And now I'm thinking if we have some, like, rope, you know, and some krazy glue. DEX LAWSON: What are you doing? (She stops and looks at him.) DEX LAWSON: Are you nuts? PHOEBE: No. I just don't want anything to ruin the moment for tonight, that's all. (Suddenly the building shakes with a minor quake. It stops.) PHOEBE: Oh, my god! Did you feel that? DEX LAWSON: Yeah. PHOEBE: Ok! Well, hurry up! We got work to do! We'll move this one ... (She starts moving one of the pieces.) DEX LAWSON: Wait! (Dex goes over to help her.) PHOEBE: I got it. [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. CAR (PARKED) -- DAY] (Piper sits behind the driver's wheel while of the parked car just outside the police station. She and Paige wait for Billie.) PIPER: We shouldn't have let Billie do this. PAIGE: No, it's better her going in to see if it's safe for us to orb, especially since you still look like Maya. Besides, if Billie's gonna start helping, she might as well do it now. PIPER: Yeah, but she's supposed to be helping us with demons, not cops. (Billie crosses the street and heads for the car.) PAIGE: Oh, here she comes. BILLIE: Hey, bad news. Maya's not in there. PIPER: What do you mean, she's not in there? BILLIE: They just released her into Nance's custody. PAIGE: Nance? Why? PIPER: So he can shut her up. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. NANCE'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (Maya is sitting in the chair in Walter Nance's living room. She appears to be cowering.) WALTER NANCE: You seemed so much more sure of yourself today in jail, Maya. Not so sure of yourself now, are you? (She stands up.) MAYA HOLMES: What are you talking about? I told you, I didn't see you in jail today. I don't even know how I got in jail. WALTER NANCE: That's not what you said before. You said you wanted to get caught. You said, I believe the exact words were, "See you in court." You should know better than to threaten me. (Maya tries to kick Nance. He catches her leg and throws her backward to the floor.) (Maya gets up as Nance advances on her.) WALTER NANCE: Now, what exactly is it that you have on me, Maya? (Scared, Maya opens the balcony doors to get away from him. She steps out into the balcony.) [INT. NANCE'S APARTMENT - HALLWAY -- NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Paige and Piper orb in.) MAYA HOLMES: (o.s.) Walter. Please calm down. (They peer around the corner and see Nance and Maya out on the balcony.) PIPER: See? I told you he'd bring her here. PAIGE: So he can't kill her; everyone knows he bailed her out. PIPER: Yeah, well, if I know Nance, he's probably already thought about that. PAIGE: What do you mean, know Nance? You met him once. PIPER: Once was enough, believe me. [EXT. NANCE'S APARTMENT - BALCONY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] MAYA HOLMES: I'm telling you the truth. I don't know what's going on. I swear I don't have anything! WALTER NANCE: I don't believe you. (Walter grabs Maya's upper arms. WALTER NANCE: And I can't risk it. MAYA HOLMES: (crying) I beg you, don't kill me, too. WALTER NANCE: This isn't murder, Maya. It's suicide. (He pushes her over the balcony railing. She screams.) (Both Piper and Paige gasp with disbelief. Maya is screaming.) PAIGE: Oh, my god. PIPER: (whispers) Alley. Orb. Orb. (Paige orbs both her and Piper out.) [FALLING] (Maya is screaming and falling.) [EXT. BUILDING -- ALLEY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Maya is falling. Just before she reaches the ground, Piper freezes her mid- air.) PAIGE: Whew, that was close. PIPER: Yeah. (She looks around and sees the bed mattress on the dumpster.) PIPER: Hurry, get the mattress. PAIGE: What if it doesn't work? PIPER: Well, then, it was a bad idea. (Paige hits Piper's arm. She waves her arm.) PAIGE: Mattress. (She orbs the mattress from the dumpster to pad Maya's fall.) (Piper unfreezes Maya.) (Maya resumes falling and screaming. She hits the mattress face forward and survives. She groans, looks up and sees Piper and Paige.) MAYA HOLMES: Where am I? PIPER: You're dead. Come on. (Piper reaches down and helps Maya to her feet.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN -- NIGHT] (The real Maya sits in the kitchen, a blanket around her shoulders. Billie makes her a cup of tea and gives it to her.) BILLIE JENKINS: Here. This'll make you feel better. (Billie sits down near Maya.) MAYA HOLMES: I just ...I still don't understand. I mean, I've never heard of - BILLIE JENKINS: Witches? Oh, come on. Sure you have. It's like "The Wizard of Oz". Except we're not wicked. You've seen "The Wizard of Oz", right? MAYA HOLMES: Yeah, of course, but I never thought witches were real. BILLIE JENKINS: Real enough to save you. MAYA HOLMES: You actually seem more like guardian angels to me. BILLIE JENKINS: I don't know about that. I mean, I'm actually pretty new at this myself. I only met the sisters -- I mean the cousins, a couple of weeks ago. They do this sort of thing all the time. Or, at least, they used to. MAYA HOLMES: I ... I don't know what to say. BILLIE JENKINS: There's nothing else to say. All that matters now is that you're safe. MAYA HOLMES: Sorry I kicked you in the face. BILLIE JENKINS: Well, I'm sorry we almost got you killed. MAYA HOLMES: He's not gonna stop coming after me, you know? He'll figure out I'm alive sooner or later. BILLIE JENKINS: I know, they're working on that. Isn't there any sort of proof you have-- MAYA HOLMES: If I did, don't you think I would've used it by now? I mean, Walter is crazy. Obsessed. He thinks I betrayed him, but I didn't. The only crime I committed was leaving him for a younger man. BILLIE JENKINS: What do you mean? MAYA HOLMES: Oh, Walter can't stand the fact that he's getting older. He's, like, paranoid about it. He does everything he can to pretend it's not happening, like lifts, botox, implants. He even has a manicurist come over every night to keep his nails neat and trim, like that does any good. [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. MANOR - ATTIC -- NIGHT] (Piper, Paige and Phoebe discuss what to do next.) PAIGE: What if we swapped Maya's identity out for a new one? PHOEBE: Are you kidding? I think we're having enough identity issues as it is. PAIGE: Well, we're running out of options here, people. PIPER: No, there's gotta be another way. PHOEBE: What if she went back on the run? PAIGE: No, it's just a matter of time before she'd get caught. I mean, she's the prime suspect. You can't magically make that go away. (Billie enters the attic to share her idea.) BILLIE JENKINS: Excuse me, guys, but I have this great idea. PHOEBE: Too bad we can't prove that he threw her off the balcony. PIPER: Well, now it's gonna look like she escaped from him. At least, that's the way he's gonna spin it. BILLIE JENKINS: Seriously, though, I have a great -- (Piper waves her hand for Billie to stop talking.) PIPER: (interrupts) I think the only way to save Maya is to get him to confess to the murders somehow. (Billie moves over to Paige.) PAIGE: Oh, that happens when? Before or after hell freezes over. BILLIE JENKINS: But I'm telling you -- PHOEBE: (interrupts) Wait a minute. What about a truth spell? PIPER: We're gonna have to get close. PAIGE: We could try orbing. (Billie shouts and stamps her foot down.) BILLIE JENKINS: Or you could try listening to me! (They all turn to look at Billie.) BILLIE JENKINS: Thank you. (Billie walks over to the Book.) Now, according to the Book of Shadows, this would not be the first time you've scared someone into a confession, right? Six or seven years ago, it was the pawnbroker or something? (They get up and move over to join Billie.) PHOEBE: Wow. Someone's done their homework. I'm impressed. PIPER: Uh, but we didn't do it. We got a ghost to do it. BILLIE JENKINS: Yeah, I know, but you guys can change looks, right? You can make him think he's seeing a ghost. PAIGE: Where are you going with this? BILLIE JENKINS: I'm going to the Demon of Fear. PIPER: You want us to conjure Barbas? Are you out of your mind? After everything he did - BILLIE JENKINS: To kill you? No, I'm not suggesting that you conjure him, I'm just suggesting you think of him as some sort of inspiration. Prey on Nance's deepest fear. (They look at each other as they seriously consider this option.) (Billie smiles.) [SCENE_BREAK] (COMMERCIAL SET) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. NANCE'S BUILDING - ESTABLISH] [INT. NANCE'S RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (Walter Nance is having his nails filed.) WALTER NANCE: You do very nice work. Much better than the other girl. (Camera pans back and we see that the manicurist is Billie.) BILLIE JENKINS: Thank you, sir. WALTER NANCE: What'd you say happened to her? BILLIE JENKINS: She's just sick. I'm filling in for the day. WALTER NANCE: Perhaps on a more permanent basis. BILLIE JENKINS: Oh, I'm sorry. I tend to work with a much younger clientele. WALTER NANCE: Ouch. Watch it. BILLIE JENKINS: Thin skin. Tends to be more susceptible to damage on someone as old as you. You're, like, sixty, or something? (Irritated, Nance pulls his hand away from her and tosses the cloth at her.) WALTER NANCE: Get out of here. BILLIE JENKINS: I am so sorry, sir. I didn't mean to offend you. Are you sensitive about your age? WALTER NANCE: No, I'm not! BILLIE JENKINS: You know, I can usually tell how old someone is just by looking at the lines on their hands. Go ahead, see for yourself. WALTER NANCE: What are you talking about? (She looks at him. He looks down at his hands and are shocked by how aged and decrepit they appear. He can't believe it.) WALTER NANCE: What?! BILLIE JENKINS: Is something wrong? (He turns and looks at Billie and finds himself looking at Maya instead.) WALTER NANCE: What the hell? You're dead! You couldn't have - PIPER: --lived? Sorry to disappoint you. (She waves her hand and throws Nance up against the far wall. He crashes into the corner mirror, smashing it.) (He falls to the floor with a thud.) OFF NANCE (He gets up and looks at the mirror. He's horrified and shocked by what he sees.) MIRROR'S REFLECTION (In the mirror, he sees a very, very, very old man.) (He screams.) PAIGE (AS MAYA): What's the matter old man, seeing a ghost? (He turns around and finds three "Maya"s in his living room.) PHOEBE (AS MAYA): Because you killed me? BILLIE (AS MAYA): Just like you killed Curtis? WALTER NANCE: No, it's not possible. It's ... it's a- - BILLIE (AS MAYA): A nightmare? One you won't ever wake up from. PAIGE (AS MAYA): Guilt's a terrible thing, Walter. It haunts you forever. (He edges himself toward the balcony doors.) WALTER NANCE: No, get away from me. (screams) Leave me alone! (He runs out onto the balcony.) (White orb lights cover the three 'Maya's' and they change into Billie, Paige and Phoebe.) (Out on the balcony, the doors close. Nance turns around and sees Maya standing quietly in front of him.) WALTER NANCE: No. (She walks up to him.) MAYA HOLMES: Drop dead. (Maya pushes Nance over the balcony railing.) [FALLING] (Nance is screaming and falling.) [EXT. BUILDING -- ALLEY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Nance is falling. Just before he reaches the ground, Piper freezes him mid- air.) (She takes a step toward him, waves her hand and unfreezes his head.) WALTER NANCE: Aah! (He stops as he slowly realizes that he's not dead, yet, and is suspended in mid-air.) WALTER NANCE: What's happening to me? PIPER: Well, Walter, the way I see it, you have two choices: You can confess [SCENE_BREAK] (She holds up a mini tape recorder.) PIPER: ... or you can meet the pavement. (She turns the tape recorder on.) What do you say? (Walter considers his options.) [SCENE_BREAK] [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) - NIGHT] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (Piper is leaning back against Leo as they sit on the couch. Paige walks in from down the stairs.) PAIGE: Well, Nance and everyone involved are in jail, Maya's set free. All in all, not a bad day. PIPER: Yeah, except for the part where I have to come up with a new identity. So much for my future in the corporate world. LEO: Yeah, I don't think that one fit you very much anyway. PIPER: Hmm, I guess not. Can't change my whole life, although you could've mentioned that earlier. LEO: No, I've learned my lesson. No one tells you what to do. PAIGE: So, missy, where you gonna get your next alias from? Time magazine, Vanity Fair? Let me guess. National Enquirer? PIPER: No, I think I can come up with this one on my own, thank you. PAIGE: Well, just make sure it's not off the most wanted list, okay? PIPER: Trust me. LEO: Another cousin? PIPER: Yes, actually. One that you will be married to this time. LEO: Hey, that was All about Eve. PIPER: Mm-hmm. PAIGE: Wasn't all about Eve some old movie? PIPER: One that I don't wanna see again anytime soon. LEO: Fine by me. PAIGE: So, guys, how do you think our fair Billie did? Sounds like she did good. PIPER: Except for the fact that she was inspired by a demon. PAIGE: Oh, come on! (The house shakes.) PAIGE: Did you guys feel that? [SCENE_BREAK] [INT. DEX'S LOFT / GALLERY -- NIGHT] (The art show is underway when Phoebe walks in. She looks at the scene in front of her straight out of her premonition. Dex sees her.) DEX LAWSON: Will you excuse me for just a moment? (He walks over to her.) DEX LAWSON: I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show. PHOEBE: You moved it all back. DEX LAWSON: Well, yeah. When it's all shoved in the corner, it's kind of hard for people to see. Come on, you can't be serious about an earthquake. PHOEBE: You can laugh at me all you want, but I am serious. (Just then, the place shakes. The guests gasp and sculptures fall and crash to the floor.) GUEST: Oh, man. (Phoebe rushes over to try to save one of the sculptures, but Dex grabs her and pulls her away just as the top half of the sculpture breaks from the ceiling and crashes to the floor.) PHOEBE: Oh, my! (The earthquake stops.) VOICE: Are you all right? VOICE: Anyone hurt? VOICE: Are you all right? (Phoebe and Dex look around the place.) DEX LAWSON: Is everyone all right? VOICE: Yeah, yeah. I think so. DEX LAWSON: (to Phoebe) Are you okay? (Phoebe's looking at him.) PHOEBE: The moment. DEX LAWSON: I'm sorry? PHOEBE: I wasn't supposed to stop the earthquake, I was supposed to be here for it. DEX LAWSON: What are you talking about? PHOEBE: Dex, look at your work. (He looks around at the destruction around him and sighs.) DEX LAWSON: Most of it's still okay. (He looks at Phoebe.) DEX LAWSON: How'd you know? PHOEBE: (smiles) I told you, I'm psychic.

Looking for a new career path, Piper goes on an interview with a corporate recruiter, but is soon arrested when a background check reveals that the physical appearance she adopted was that of a model wanted for murder. In fact, the model was innocent, framed by her obsessive and evil ex-boyfriend who is a crooked assistant District Attorney on the take reacting to being abandoned and set her up least she give evidence against her. The Charmed Ones, with Bille's help, must come up with a plan to save her once they switch her into Piper's jail cell and discover the truth. Consequently, they intervene first to prevent her murder and then taking inspiration from none other than the Demon of Fear, Barbas-conceive a plot to have the District Attorney implicate himself on tape in the murder, freeing his ex-lover from the threat of retribution.

fd_The_Originals_02x17

fd_The_Originals_02x17_0

[PREVIOUSLY_ON] Freya: Dahlia will come here, drawn by your daughter. She will kill anyone who would defy her. Elijah: Yet you would defy her. Freya: My one chance is to align with you and kill her. Klaus: Should Freya betray us, what if Hope should be harmed through her actions? Elijah: We have to consider every weapon at our disposal, brother. Josephine: The Treme coven wants Vincent Griffith returned. (Chanting) (Gasping) Vincent: Who are you? Elijah: Vincent Griffith is alive and free from the influence of my brother Finn. Ruben: A witch named Eva Sinclair was stealing children to channel their power. Rebekah: Given that there's a witch inside me trying to break out, probably shouldn't be alone right now. Cami: I see Marcel let you out. Vincent: I told him what I knew, but if Eva's coming back here, I don't want anything to do with her. Rebekah? Rebekah? Rebekah: I'm having flashes of memory, but they fade almost as soon as I've had them. (The scene cuts from inside Eva's mind-space, to the Mikaelson compound, to Elijah's apartment in Algiers, to the warehouse where Eva is keeping the children she's channeling, and to Rousseau's. All the while, Eva/Rebekah narrate in voiceover) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EVA'S MIND ] (Eva/Rebekah are sleeping in the compound, giving both of them free reign of Eva's mind. The space has taken the form of the warehouse where Eva is keeping all of the children she is channeling, and everything has a greenish-hue to it) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): All of us live with a demon inside. (In the space, Eva is skulking around the warehouse, trying to find Rebekah, who has taken the form of her 5-6 year old self in Eva's mind) Eva: (yelling) Rebekah Mikaelson! (Rebekah, who is hiding in a dark corner behind some machinery, gets scared and whimpers as she gets up and runs away) Eva: (yelling) You can't hide from me forever! (Young Rebekah continues to run away from her in fright) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): Some days, you control the demon. (Young Rebekah runs right into Eva, who grabs her by the arms and shakes her violently) Eva: (crazed) This is my house! Eva / Rebekah: (shrieks) Ahhhhhhh! [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Suddenly, Eva wakes up with a gasp in her bed to find Marcel sitting in a chair across from her, reading a book and keeping an eye on her. He puts his book down as he looks at her in concern, thinking she's Rebekah) Marcel: You okay? Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): And other days, it controls you. (Eva glares at Marcel for a moment before smirking and holding up her hands to cast a pain infliction spell on him. Marcel collapses onto his knees in pain) Marcel: Ahhhhh! (Eva flicks her wrist, snapping Marcel's neck with telekinesis and causing him to slump over onto the floor, blood dripping from his mouth) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ELIJAH'S APARTMENT ] (Elijah is sitting on his bed with his button-up shirt open, and he looks up at Gia, who is standing in front of him in a tank top and underwear) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): And it is always hungry. (Elijah vamp-speeds to his feet, reaches behind Gia's head, and pulls her head toward him so he can kiss her before spinning them around and pushing her onto the bed on her back as they continue to make out) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): It feeds on lust, on longing. [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (All the children Eva has been channeling, including Davina, are still sprawled unconscious all over the floor in a corner) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): And while you may slumber... [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Eva is wandering around the compound, where she stops to stare at an old-fashioned painting of Rebekah on the wall for a moment until she hears the sound of Hope crying nearby and wanders over to her nursery, where she finds a werewolf guard standing outside the door) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): .. It tempts you into crossing every line you've ever drawn. All while it hunts you... [SCENE_BREAK] [ ELIJAH'S APARTMENT ] (Gia and Elijah are laying naked under the covers of his bed. Gia is asleep, curled up against Elijah's chest, but he's still awake, and thinks quietly while he plays with her hair) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): .. Haunts you... [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Vincent is at a table with a glass of bourbon, and is staring sadly at a photobooth photograph of himself and Eva before she began hunting children) Eva / Rebekah (V.O.): .. Renders you incapable of telling friend from foe. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (The werewolf guard outside Hope's room has been killed, and Eva steps into the nursery to stare at Hope, who is laying in her crib) Eva / Rebekah: But once it's turned your loved ones into enemies, the demon would have consumed you whole. (Hayley, having heard the commotion, enters the nursery from her bedroom and finds Eva standing over Hope's crib. When she sees the dead werewolf on the floor, she realizes that something is wrong, and her hybrid face comes out as she lunges for Eva) Hayley: Get away from her! (She grabs Eva by the arm to pull her away and slams her head on the nearby dresser. Eva falls to the floor as Hayley goes to check on Hope, but before she can grab her, Eva telekinetically throws Hayley back into her bedroom, where she slams into the back wall. Klaus storms into the room when he hears the crashing sound from his bedroom) Klaus: (furious) Rebekah! What are you doing? (Klaus lunges for her, but she casts a pain infliction spell on him. Hayley runs back in to take her out, but Eva casts another spell on her as well, and she falls to her knees and chokes as Eva glares at them. Klaus forces himself to lean forward so he can claw a set of deep gashes into her thigh with his fingernails, which causes Eva to scream in pain) Eva: (shrieks) Ahhh! (Realizing she's overpowered, Eva lets go of the spell and jumps out the window, leaving Klaus and Hayley too busy recovering from her assault to follow her. They both stare down at Hope, who is sitting calmly in her crib, completely at ease, before giving each other worried looks) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus, Marcel, and Hayley are in Klaus' study, where he's pulling a pair of the magic-cancelling manacles that Kol's witches enchanted into dark objects in 1914) Klaus: I should really stop packing these away. There's always one family member or another in need of a good shackling. (He hands the manacles to Marcel) Find Rebekah-- or Eva, or whoever the bloody hell that was-- use these to stop her from doing magic. And don't hurt her. The non-psychopathic bits are still my sister. Marcel: (worried) Alright, I won't be the only one looking for her. She killed witch-kids. The twenty-four hour hold that Elijah got the covens to agree to? Ended at midnight. Every witch in the city is gonna be gunning for her. Klaus: (sighs and turns to Hayley) Go to Elijah. Get her to charm his elderly witch into calling off the hunt. Hayley: (annoyed) And leave Hope? Don't you think I should stay here and protect our daughter? Klaus: (frustrated) Jackson has been working night and day to secure this compound, surrounding it with his werewolf army. Not to mention the fact that I'm here, and I know the best way to protect our child is to get Rebekah out of that serial killer's body and back into the original model. Hayley: (not pleased) Hmm. And, what will you be doing while we're out doing all the dirty work? Klaus: Why, tending to the even dirtier work, as usual. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] (Elijah and Gia, who are dressed up in cocktail attire again, are standing in Josephine's living room with Hayley, who is in her usual loose top, jeans, and combat boots. She seems to sense the budding relationship between Elijah and Gia, and keeps clearing her throat awkwardly, which does not go unnoticed by either of them. After an uncomfortable silence, Gia finally speaks up) Gia: ...I'm gonna see if I can find Josephine. (Hayley smiles fakely as she leaves, and once she's gone, she clears her throat again and gives Elijah a significant look. He can't help but smile bashfully in response as they wait for their hostess) Hayley: (sarcastically) Well, now I see why you didn't answer my calls. (She pauses a beat and sits in a chair) Did she have to come with us? Elijah: (sits next to her) Josephine LaRue can be rather recalcitrant. She is, however, enamored with Gia's musical prowess and cavalier spirit. Hayley: Huh. So, the baby-vamp is now the Witch-Whisperer? (Elijah smiles and sighs) I'm just glad that you found someone so... multi-talented to spend your time with... Elijah: (rolls his eyes) What exactly do you want from me? (Hayley looks at him but remains silent. Before she can answer, Josephine and Gia join them in the living room, and Elijah stands to his feet to greet her) Elijah: Madame LaRue. Josephine: Mr. Mikaelson. (Elijah gently kisses her on each cheek in greeting before she settles down in an armchair to talk with them) Josephine: Have you come to impress me once more with young Gia's rare talents? (She notices Hayley scowling in the doorway and looks at Elijah in amusement) What, pray tell, does this one do? Elijah: (smiles) This one is family, Madame. (Hayley smiles tightly at Josephine and stays silent) But, we've come to ask for a favor. (Josephine looks at him curiously) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Klaus is staring at the painting of Rebekah from several centuries ago when Freya arrives and joins him, though Klaus doesn't even turn to acknowledge her presence) Freya: (looks at the painting) Our sister was quite the beauty. Klaus: You said that you could put Rebekah back in her original body. Do it. Freya: (laughs in amusement) So, you've come to your senses? Klaus: My senses have not faltered. They still demand that you are not to be trusted. However, circumstance dictates otherwise... for now. Freya: (not amused) What's changed? Klaus: Eva Sinclair has resumed control of her body, leaving Rebekah trapped and powerless. So, make with your spells and enchantments and put my sister back in her true body! Freya: (closes her eyes and sighs in frustration) I'm afraid it's not that simple. Klaus: (smiles weakly) More stalling. Very well. I know I can't kill you, but I shall have a fine time trying. Tell me, have you ever been skinned alive? Freya: The problem is Rebekah's condition has worsened. (Klaus' smile falls, and he turns away from her) When I offered to help, she was in control of Eva's body. She's lost inside Eva. I don't have a spell that could breech Eva's mind and find her. Klaus: Fortunately for you, I know someone well-versed in such spells. (Klaus opens up the wooden box from earlier and pulls out the other pair of magic-disabling shackles before vamp-speeding over to her and slapping them on her wrists before she can react. Freya is startled by the action, but doesn't seem surprised, and simply glares at Klaus angrily) Klaus: (smirks) Let's go meet her, shall we? [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S / LARUE MANSION ] (The scene cuts between Marcel and Vincent's conversation at Rousseau's, and Elijah, Hayley, and Gia's conversation with Josephine at her home) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Vincent is still sitting at his table, surrounded by multiple empty glasses of bourbon and a small plate of french fries as he continues to stare at the photo of him and Eva together. After a moment, Marcel arrives and sits across from him) Marcel: (notices the drinks around him) A little early, isn't it? Vincent: (sighs) You know why I'm sitting here day-drinking in the Quarter all by my lonesome? (Marcel shakes his head) Because I'm pretty much done and through with the vamps, wolves, and witches of this town. And, from some of the looks I've been getting, they're through with me, too. So, if I'm sitting here, they don't see me, and if I drink... (He holds up his full glass of bourbon and taps it with his fingers before chugging the whole glass down) .. after a while, I don't see them, either. (Marcel picks up the photo of Vincent and Eva and holds it up) Marcel: And how many is it gonna take before she disappears? (Vincent reaches for the photo, but Marcel yanks it out of his reach) Vincent: Come on, man... Marcel: Uh-uh. You need to know that she is back and on the loose, and I need to find her before the witches do so I can save my friend, who is trapped inside of her. And I came to you, because you are the only person in this city who knows her inside-out. (Marcel holds out the photo, and Vincent quickly snatches it from his hand before pulling out his wallet and returning the photo to one of the pockets) Vincent: Look man, I'm sorry about your friend. But, if Eva is back in control of her body... [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] (Josephine, Elijah, Hayley, and Gia pick up their conversation where Vincent left off) Josephine: Then, you need to let the witches put that body down! Eva will use up your sister, just like she did the others. Hayley: (concerned) The others? [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Vincent and Marcel continue the conversation at their table) Vincent: The first of the kids went missing two years ago. Feels like a lifetime. I was, uh, clocking in: college, work, coven. Felt like a normal life. But, um, had this woman. Met when we were sixteen years old, did our first bit of magic together... it was so insanely intense. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] Josephine: Eva was a wild beauty practicing a wild magic. But, she and Vincent were so happy, we let them be. Elijah: (sighs) And then the children began to disappear. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Vincent: First was a little girl named Amelie Dupree from Algiers. Then, Lou-Anne Hughes from the 9th, Nicholas Alseis from the Trem ... (He kisses his fingertips as a sort of prayer to the child) All young kids, all witch prodigies... *phew* .. vanished into thin air. So, I put together a posse of guys from each of the covens, but the killer cloaked the kids so quickly, our locator spells was useless. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] Josephine: But, because of Vincent's tenacity, she was caught. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Vincent: It was a fluke! I was able to slap a locator spell on one of the kids right after he got snatched, and I got nothing at first. And then a car, and then a face... But that face, man-- it was Eva. (He laughs bitterly) The love of my life. (Marcel looks troubled as he continues listening to the story) So, I caught her, confronted her... and then I saw the truth. She kept pleading with me... (He begins to imitate Eva) .. "Vince! Just three more little girls, Vince! Just three!" Marcel: (confused) Why three? [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] (Josephine answers Marcel's question for Gia, Elijah and Hayley) Josephine: To complete the Rite of Nines. Gia: (confused) The Rite of Nines? [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Vincent: Eva thought if she sacrificed a witch from each of the nine covens, it would create a new witch order in New Orleans. She would have been more powerful than any Elder... (He gestures to Marcel with his hands) .. Any Harvest girl... Marcel: Wait, wait, wait-- but why kids? Vincent: Because their magic is untapped. It's pure. And, they're a hell of a lot easier to subdue. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] (Hayley, Elijah, and Gia suddenly understand Eva's motivations from earlier, and they all look very concerned by this news) Hayley: That's why she went after my baby. Josephine: She would have killed your daughter, channeled her powers, as she did with those other poor children. [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Vincent: I never found those kids. They died; unconsecrated, unable to be with our ancestors. Used as a source for Eva's magic. Marcel: So, help me find her before she takes any more lives, including Rebekah's. (Vincent looks torn, and considers this for a moment) Help me stop her. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] Josephine: We agree she must be stopped; no more of our youth will die. (She stands to her feet) That is why, Mr. Mikaelson, I will not extend your twenty-four hours. (Elijah and Hayley both look stunned and horrified) Eva Sinclair now has a bounty on her head. Elijah: (outraged) You would condemn my sister to her death? Josephine: I dislike the term "collateral damage," but there it is. If one or two must fall to take Eva down for good, so be it. (Elijah glares at Josephine furiously) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Klaus has just brought Freya to the cemetery, where he leads her into the Lyonne tomb, her wrists still shackled with the magic-disabling manacles) Freya: (holds up her shackled wrists in annoyance) I fail to see the need for these. I'm not your enemy. Klaus: Oh, they're not to protect me, love! (He pulls her into the main room of the tomb by the manacles and gestures toward a corner) They're to protect her, the one who knows more about mind-invasion and body-jumping than all of us put together. (Klaus throws two blood bags into the dark corner with a smirk, and Freya takes a step toward it, clearly curious as to who is there. After a moment, Esther's hand reaches out and grabs one of the blood bags to gulp it down quickly before throwing it aside and chugging the second. After a moment, Freya realizes it's her mother, and she quickly turns to leave, only to be stopped by Klaus) Freya: (horrified) No! No! Klaus: (still holding Freya by the shoulders) Mother? Freya. Freya? Mother. (Esther, who still looks very desiccated, looks at them both in confusion as she takes in the sight of her eldest child) Esther: (in disbelief) It... can't be. Freya: (turns to Klaus furiously) You won't trust me, but you'll trust her? Klaus: I trust my mother about as much as I would a stuck snake. (He walks toward Esther) Fortunately, she is now a vampire, and as such, she's vulnerable to my compulsion. (He grabs Esther by the face and stares into her eyes as he compels her) You will answer me truthfully. (He then picks her up so she's standing on her feet and brings her over to Freya, who glares at both of them) Klaus: There! Now, at least everything that comes out of her wretched mouth will be honest. Let's raid Mommy Dearest's mind for spells, shall we? [SCENE_BREAK] [ IDA MAE'S SHOP ] (Eva has made it to a hideout, where she is making a paste with a mortar and pestle. Once it's finished, she spreads it out over the deep gashes in her thigh and sighs in relief) Eva: (breathing deeply) Okay. (She takes a small red bottle and uses the dropper to drip some liquid onto the paste on her leg, which causes her to groan in pain) Eva: Ahhhhh! (After a moment, the potions take effect, and she sighs in relief again as she sits back in her chair and relaxes. Suddenly, Marcel vamp-speeds into the room and slaps the magic-disabling manacles onto her wrists before she can react) Marcel: (laughs) Oh-ho-ho-ho! Not really keen on another witch headache! Eva: (looks at the shackles in anger) Dark objects? How did a damn vamp find me? Marcel: I had a little help; someone who knew where an injured witch on the run might go to heal up. (Eva looks horrified when she sees Vincent come into the room behind Marcel and stare at her) Eva: (whispers) Vince? (Marcel suddenly vamp-speeds over to Eva and pins her against a wall) Marcel: (furious) No time for catch-up! Release Rebekah! Now! Eva: (smirks) Best not damage the package, or you may never see her again. Or your little adopted witch Davina. Marcel: (shocked) What did you just say? Eva: (laughs hysterically) Oh, some daddy-figure you are! I've been feeding off of her for days, and you didn't even know she was gone? (Marcel vamp-speeds her around and slams her back against the table) Marcel: (yells) AHHH! Where is she? Eva: (continues laughing) Release me, and you can have what's left. (Marcel squeezes her uninjured leg with his hands until his fingernails dig deep into her flesh, and she screams in pain) Eva: Ahhhh! Marcel: I think I'll just torture you until you give me what I need! Vincent: (concerned) Torture ain't gonna do it, man! Half the witches in this city went after her, she ain't say a thing. (Marcel groans in frustration before reluctantly releasing Eva from his choke-hold and turning toward Vincent) Marcel: (annoyed) You got a better idea? Vincent: Yeah! (He walks toward Eva and stares at her) Let me talk to her. (Eva gives Vincent a hard look, but can't help but smirk at him) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] (Elijah, Hayley, and Gia are still arguing in favor of protecting Rebekah with Josephine) Elijah: I assure you, Madame LaRue, we will defend your witches with a fearsome vengeance. Josephine: You have a wonderful way with words. Really. Your cadence is pleasant. Normally, I could listen to it all day long, but I grow tired of this. My mind remains unchanged. (Hayley becomes angry and stares at Josephine incredulously) Hayley: Are you serious? (Josephine looks at her, mildly offended by her outburst. Hayley gestures toward Gia) She puts on a talent show... (She gestures to Elijah) .. He has every vampire in the Quarter kissing your ass, and your final answer is "Screw you?" (Gia stands up and tries to calm her down) Gia: Hayley... Hayley: (holds up her hand) Back off. Elijah: (attempts to mediate) We came here to honor the alliance between us. If this is something you wish to rescind, so be it. (Elijah turns to leave, and Hayley and Gia are about to follow him when Josephine, who is angry now, stops them) Josephine: Don't you dare walk into my house and threaten me! I am not the one that needs you, Elijah Mikaelson; it is you who needs us, or you will soon enough. (Josephine turns to find Hayley standing right behind her, and she roughly grasps Hayley's wrists as she suddenly has some kind of premonition about her) Josephine: (whispers) There's a storm coming, child. Your darkest demons ride upon it. (Hayley looks alarmed) I do not know its name, but when I peer into your future, there is a blackness that should terrify you. (Hayley gulps nervously as Josephine continues to stare at her) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IDA MAE'S SHOP ] (Eva is still shackled and sitting in a chair as she and Vincent look at each other) Eva: I heard they'd gotten you, that you'd been taken over by the crazed brother of the other one that's still inside me. Vincent: Hmm, yup. But, I'm back now. Eva: (smiles) So you are. Vincent: (smiles back) Mmm. Eva: (coldly) The man who sold out his own girl and gave up on their future! Vincent: Don't start with me! Now, Marcel said that... Eva: (laughs in amusement) Oh, Vincent, are you kissing vampire ass now? Vincent: (rolls his eyes and chuckles) Hoo! Eva: This city could have been free of their kind if you hadn't been such a weak little coward! Vincent: (raises his voice) You left me with no choice! I couldn't let you go on doing what... Eva: (interrupts) Oh, please! You saw how beaten down we've become! Covens from every ward fighting each other, half of them working with vampires! Now, change was necessary! Unity was necessary! Vincent: (exasperated) Killing kids was necessary? Eva: (hurt) Vincent, I didn't kill any kids! (Vincent gives her a skeptical look) They're still alive! Just asleep. Cloaked, of course. (Vincent looks torn, and seems to be debating whether or not to believe her) Vincent: All of them? Eva: (quieter and calmer) Uh-huh! I just need their power. They don't have to die. (Vincent looks at her in confusion) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Esther is still processing the revelation that Freya is still alive she, Klaus, and Freya continue to talk in the Lyonne tomb) Esther: (walks toward Freya with her arms out) My beautiful girl. My first born! Freya: (furiously pulls on her manacles) Touch me, and I will use these chains to strangle you! Klaus: Yes, now that we have the pleasantries out the way, let's begin, shall we? (Esther scowls at him) It appears that your delightful sister Dahlia is on her way to New Orleans, hell-bent on stealing my child. I need Rebekah back in her original body so she can help me destroy her. Esther: (overwhelmed with shock and horror) Your child? Klaus: (rolls his eyes) Oh, I suppose it is difficult keeping up on current events whilst rotting inside a tomb. (He rubs his hands together and walks toward Esther) Very well. The short version? My child is alive. Dahlia is on her way. Now, the previous tenant of Rebekah's body has seized control and isn't keen on giving it up. (Esther continues to look overwhelmed) Young Freya here, although powerful, lacks the spell to put Rebekah back in her true body. And that's where you come in... (Klaus lunges toward Esther and grabs her by the shoulders as he looks her in the eyes) .. I need you to be a dear and dig deep into that ex-witch mind of yours. (He pulls out a folded stack of blank paper from his inner jacket pocket and hands it to her) Give me the spell that puts Rebekah back. (Esther glares at Klaus, who simply smiles at her) [SCENE_BREAK] [ IDA MAE'S SHOP ] (Eva is still shackled and seated in the chair of the hideout while Vincent leans against the nearby wall and peers out the window as he processes this newly-learned information) Eva: (stares at Vincent) You know, even when you betrayed me, I didn't blame you. (Vincent turns and walks toward her with an incredulous look on his face) You just couldn't see the light. (She hesitates) But, you see it now, don't you? (Vincent sighs, and Eva's demeanor changes from calm to furious as she rattles her chains maniacally and begins to yell at him) Eva: Now that your body was stolen by the same family of vampires that are trying to steal mine! (Vincent looks at her warily, and she calms down and begins to plead with him) You see what's gotta be done. (Vincent shakes his head in disbelief and begins to pace in front of her) Eva: Now, I just need one more witch, and then we can finish the ritual! Together. Take all the power we need, and then those kids can go home to their moms! (Vincent looks up at her in surprise and seems to be considering her offer) And then we need never be under their control ever again. (Vincent walks toward her and is about to say something, but Marcel bursts into the room before he gets the chance to speak) Marcel: (annoyed) I can hear her yapping, but clearly she's not talking. I guess we're back to square one. (Eva looks at Vincent anxiously, and Vincent sighs before turning to Marcel) Vincent: Actually, she did talk, and I decided to listen. (Marcel gives Vincent a questioning look, and after a moment, Vincent claps his hands together and pushes them together, causing Marcel to once again get another "witch headache" and fall to his knees in pain) Marcel: Ahhh! (Vincent uses telekinesis to throw him out of the wall of windows and onto the sidewalk, and when he walks toward the wall to check on him, he finds Marcel laying unconscious in the street. Eva looks at him in surprise, clearly impressed and relieved by his actions. When Vincent turns back toward her, Eva stands to her feet and holds out her shackled wrists, and he sighs before reluctantly snapping his fingers, causing the shackles to break open and fall to the floor as they release her. Eva smirks at him) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley, Marcel, Elijah and Gia are at the compound, where they are discussing what to do next. Hayley has Hope in her arms, and she gently bounces her on her hip as she paces around anxiously) Hayley: Great! Eva is in the wind, although now she has a sidekick. Elijah: (mutters) The charming Vincent Griffith. Marcel: (sighs) It gets worse. If Eva has Davina, then she has eight of the witches she needs to finish the ritual. (Elijah looks at him in horror) She just needs one more. Hayley: (determined) If she comes after Hope, Rebekah or no Rebekah, I will put her down for good. Elijah: Fortify this house. When they do come, kill him, capture her. Hayley: (incredulous) Capture? Elijah: (serious) I will not abandon my sister! (Hayley looks embarrassed and guilty for her words, but remains silent as she squeezes Hope protectively) Elijah: Now, gather what wolves you have. With Vincent by her side, she will strike with considerable force. [SCENE_BREAK] [ LARUE MANSION ] (Josephine is sitting alone in her living room, listening to a record on a gramophone player and sipping a cup of tea. After a moment, the record screeches to a stop when Eva, who has just appeared out of nowhere with Vincent in tow, pulls the pin away. Josephine is so stunned by Eva's appearance that she can't even bring herself to move as she walks toward her) Eva: (sarcastic) The revered Josephine LaRue. How are you on this very fine day, dear? (Josephine's hands are shaking so badly the teacup and saucer rattle loudly as Eva and Vincent walk toward her) You look nervous. Are you nervous, Josie? You should be. You see, I just need one more special witch to complete my circle. (Eva circles behind Josephine and runs a finger along her shoulder) Now, the hybrid child was a target of opportunity. You? You're a target of choice. (Eva takes the teacup and saucer out of Josephine's hands, and Josephine looks over at Vincent pleadingly) Josephine: Vincent, you're not listening to her? (Vincent stares at her blankly) You haven't been yourself lately... Vincent: (interrupts) You're right! I haven't been. But, now that I'm back, I realized something: the only time I've ever really been myself... (He looks up at Eva, who is still standing behind Josephine) .. is when I'm with her. Josephine: (appalled) Oh! (Vincent and Eva both close in around Josephine, and she jerks in her chair) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Esther is writing the spell Freya needs on a sheet of paper, using diagrams of triangles and other shapes to describe what needs to be done, while Freya and Klaus wait impatiently) Klaus: (annoyed) What is taking so long? You didn't tarry when you attempted to kill my child! Esther: (hurt) I took no joy in that! I knew if your daughter lived, Dahlia would come, not only for her, but for all of you! And however you may despise me, I would not wish that upon you. Klaus: How touching! Freya: (bitterly) Isn't it? I always wondered what maternal compassion sounded like. Of course, I wouldn't know, since you sold me into slavery at the age of five! Esther: (frustrated) When I made that bargain with my sister, I had no idea what it meant to be a mother! I thought if I had a dozen children, I would not miss the one. And then, you were born. You were beautiful. You had a light about you that put a smile on the face of the hardest man I had ever known. (Klaus seems almost surprised by this statement) And when Dahlia took you, I thought that same light might warm her embittered heart. (Freya glares at her furiously at these words) That you might lead a good life. Freya: (appalled and enraged) A good life? (She stomps toward Esther and gets in her face) You were my mother! You should have come for me! Esther: (nods sadly) Yes. I should have. (Her voice becomes colder) But, it would have been a mistake. (She turns to Klaus) The same mistake you will be making if you let this girl help you. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) For God's sake, speak plainly! Esther: (walks toward Klaus) The light I saw in Freya as a child, it's gone. While she was mine for five years, Dahlia was her mentor for a thousand. And, like her mentor, she will offer to solve your problem, but for a price. Freya: (furious) There is no price! I know the... (Freya lunges for Esther, but Klaus steps between them and pushes her backward away from their mother) Klaus: No violence until she's finished writing the spell, please! (He turns to Esther) Honestly, it's all temper and no timing with this one. (He chuckles) I, for one, am glad you gave her away so that I could be born. You should think of me as an upgrade! (Freya only becomes more angry at Klaus' words, and Esther, too, does not seem at all pleased by this reunion) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Vincent and Eva have just showed up to the warehouse where Eva has been hiding the children she took for the Rite of Nine's. Vincent is carrying Josephine's unconscious body in his arms, and Eva points to the corner) Eva: There. (Vincent walks to where Eva has indicated and places Josephine onto the ground) Vincent: Where are the others? (Eva thrusts out her arm and waves it in front of herself, revealing the unconscious bodies of the eight other children she's channeling. Davina, who still has Eva's channeling sigil carved into her forehead, is slumped over next to where Josephine now lays. Vincent is horrified as he looks around at all of the children he had searched for years ago) Vincent: (points to Davina) That's the Harvest girl. Eva: (pulls a knife out of her boot) Davina Claire. (She walks over to them with the knife in hand) Once I link Josephine, we can begin. (She's about to start carving the symbol into Josephine's forehead, but instead sighs and stands to look at Vincent) Though, I should admit, I told a little lie earlier: in order to save the many, we've gotta sacrifice a few. (Vincent's eyes widen, but he doesn't seem surprised by this confession) You understand, Vince. (Vincent nods at her, and she smiles in appreciation before turning back to Josephine. Vincent turns and picks up a large pipe off the ground before sneaking up behind Eva and hitting her hard across the back of her head with it) Eva: (groans) Ahh! Vincent: (panting angrily) Yeah. I figured as much. [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley is pacing around the courtyard, where Elijah and Gia are standing around) Hayley: (anxious) Still no sign of her. What the hell is Eva waiting for? (Suddenly, Marcel returns to the compound and joins them in the courtyard) Marcel: She didn't wait. She took Josephine LaRue not half an hour ago. Hayley: If Eva doesn't need Hope, then where would she go? Marcel: The same place she kept all the other captives. Where she took Davina. Elijah: A place no one has been able to find for two years. (Marcel's phone rings, and when he sees it's Vincent, who is still in Eva's abandoned warehouse, he scowls and reluctantly answers it) Marcel: (on the phone) When I find you, I am going to rip your head from your neck. Vincent: You may want to hold off on that decapitation; I found them all. (He smiles) Davina's alive. (Marcel is stunned) Sorry, I had to make it look convincing! If you were in on the plan, Eva would have known. Marcel: Yeah, blasting me through a couple glass doors really sold it. Alright, round of applause. Now what? (Vincent notices that Eva's nose is bleeding, and when he looks over at Davina, he realizes that her nose is bleeding, too, along with the other seven children she's channeling) Vincent: (sighs) Now, we got a problem. These kids, they're all linked to her. If she dies, they all die. Marcel: (gets an idea) So, we'll find a witch to unlink them. Vincent: (considers this option) Gonna need somebody with some serious power. (Marcel sighs and looks over at Elijah, who seems to be thinking the same thing that he is, and hangs up the phone. Elijah nods at him) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Freya is looking over at the spell Esther has written down for her, and looks concerned as Klaus and Esther stare at her) Freya: (anxious) I can't do this. This spell requires an enormous amount of power. Esther: Which you have. Freya: And that power needs to be anchored, or I'll be lost inside Eva's mind along with Rebekah. Unlike your magic, mine isn't anchored to any one place. Because of you, I have no home. Esther: Perhaps. (She turns to Klaus) But, there is no other spell. (Klaus looks torn, and doesn't seem to want to trust either of them. Suddenly, Freya gets an idea) Freya: (stares at Klaus) You. (She walks toward Klaus) I can use you as my anchor. I'll channel your power while I breach Eva's mind. Esther: (eyes Freya suspiciously) And there it is. The price. If she channels you, she will have access to your mind, past and present. She will know everything about you. Klaus: (considers this as he paces around) All of my strategies and all of my secrets laid bare to give to Dahlia. (He turns to face Freya) You must think I'm a fool. (Suddenly, Elijah appears behind Klaus) Elijah: Unless it's not a trick. (He stares at Freya determinedly) I'll be the anchor. Klaus: (incredulous) Brother, I think not. Elijah: (annoyed) Brother, whatever this is, nothing must prevent us from saving our sister. I will not lose Rebekah. Klaus: Oh yes, by all means, let's give Dahlia's whelp access to all the information she needs to destroy us! (Freya, who is becoming increasingly infuriated by Klaus' continued paranoia, grips the chain that links her shackles) Elijah: (points to Esther) And since when do we heed the words of this serpent? Freya: (furious) ENOUGH! (She suddenly yanks her arms away from her body, easily breaking through the magic-proof shackles and allowing her access to her magic again. She holds up her hand and twists her wrist, which snaps Klaus' neck and causes him to fall unconscious to the floor. Elijah looks at Freya, stunned and confused) Freya: (to Klaus' unconscious body) For an upgraded model, you're not very sharp. (She walks over to Elijah) Let's go. (Elijah, who seems to be unnerved, gives Esther a look before he follows her out of the tomb) [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Hayley and Gia are in the nursery, where Hayley is rocking a screaming and crying Hope in a rocking chair while Gia organizes Hope's toys) Gia: Ugh, this place smells like werewolf. Hayley: (mildly annoyed) Well, that's because Jackson has a whole platoon of them out there. (She hesitates a moment) You know, you can go. You don't have to stay. Gia: (walks toward them with Hope's music box in her hand) Elijah says you and your kid have more than one enemy. If someone manages to make it through that dog-show outside, you and the baby run, I stay and stall them. Hayley: (confused) You don't even know me. Why would you put yourself in harm's way for us? Gia: (pauses for a moment) I don't have to know you. I know Elijah, and I know what you mean to him. (Hayley looks uncomfortable) And what this baby means to him. Hayley: (awkwardly) He... talks about me with you? Gia: (laughs nervously) No... but, I'm not blind. It's pretty obvious you had the guy all bent out of shape. Look, after you guys got married, we started hanging out. He was just so... wound up. (Hayley looks guilty and stares at the floor) I guess it must be tough to spend a thousand years being the shoulder everyone else leans on. Maybe he... just needs to live his life for himself, for once. (Hayley looks up at Gia and smiles a small smile) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Freya, Elijah, and Marcel have arrived to Eva's hideout for the children she's captured so they can meet with Vincent and finish preparing for their plan. Marcel is carrying Eva in his arms as they walk toward the magic circle - which is actually the triangle Esther drew for her - made of salt and herbs she has set up in the middle of the warehouse. At each point is a lit white candle) Freya: Lay her inside the salt, and lie on either side of her. Each of you take her hand. (She turns to Elijah) I will act as a bridge into her mind, but I'm trusting you to anchor me, brother. Elijah: Do what you need to do. (Marcel lays Eva down on the floor in the middle of the triangle, and then he and Vincent look up at Freya for further instructions) Freya: Rebekah is buried deep. Eva will not give her up without a fight. Marcel: (determined) Then she gets a fight. Freya: Be careful. You're entering Eva's mind. If she kills you in there, you will be lost. (Marcel looks worried) And, if you kill her before you free Rebekah, then Rebekah will be gone forever. Once you have Rebekah, then, and only then, can Eva be dealt with. Vincent: (takes a deep breath) We got it. (Vincent and Marcel each lay down on either side of Eva inside the triangle and hold her hands. Freya kneels beside Vincent) Freya: You'll need a weapon. (She pulls Eva's knife out of her boot and holds it out to Vincent, who looks at her in confusion) Vincent: How am I supposed to take that with me? Freya: (clutches the knife and begins to chant a spell) Nemina fari en mente. Nemina fari en mente. (She stops chanting and looks at Vincent, grimacing slightly) Freya: This... is going to hurt. (She stabs Vincent in the arm with the knife. He screams in pain, but then falls unconscious, as does Marcel. Once they're asleep, Freya stands and walks toward Elijah, who holds his hand out toward her. She takes it, and they each grip onto the other's elbows. When Freya nods at him, he nods in return, indicating that he's ready to begin. Freya begins to shout the incantation to the spell) Freya: (chanting loudly) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. (As Freya chants, she is so overwhelmed by the power of the spell that her back arches as her head is thrown back, and Elijah has to hold onto her with much of his strength to keep her from falling) (Suddenly, Marcel and Vincent awaken in Eva's mind-space, which is still the warehouse. Everything has adopted a greenish hue again, and Eva is no longer laying between the two men. Vincent screams in pain and quickly yanks the knife out of his arm. When Marcel hears a little girl scream, his head turns toward the sound) Marcel: (worried) Rebekah. (He vamp-speeds toward her, leaving Vincent alone on the floor. The lights start to flicker around him, and he starts to get scared) Vincent: (shouts) Marcel! (Vincent, still clutching his injured arm, rises to his feet and starts to stumble around the warehouse, visibly frightened, as he looks around for Marcel) [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Klaus wakes up on the floor of the Lyonne tomb with a gasp to find that the magic-disabling shackles are laying broken on the floor, and everyone has vanished. Esther, who has heard Klaus awaken, comes in from the next room to check on him) Esther: You recover fast, but they're gone. Klaus: (annoyed) I compelled you to tell the truth, not state the bloody obvious. Esther: (walks toward Klaus) She will poison them all against you. You know that. Klaus: (stands to his feet) And you suddenly care, do you? Esther: (exasperated) Klaus! Lying here, starving in the darkness, I have thought of nothing except what could have been if I had left you to live a single, mortal life. Klaus: We would have burned bright for a while, and then burnt out. You see, you think of turning us as your greatest sin, but the truth is, it's the only one of your many faults I've come to forgive. (He smiles at Esther, who frowns) I prefer us as we are. Esther: (shakes her head and places her hands on Klaus' face) No, my son, we are a macabre echo of a family, and I take all the blame for that. (She is near tears) I only wanted to undo my evil, that you might love me again. (Klaus looks as though he's about to cry himself, but he takes Esther's hands in his own and shoves them away from him) Klaus: My mother, the comedian. Enjoy the darkness. (Klaus turns and leaves to find Freya and Elijah, and Esther begins to sob) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EVA'S MIND-SPACE / WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] [ EVA'S MIND ] (Marcel is still running around the version of the warehouse inside Eva's mind, but he has yet to find Rebekah. The lights continue to flicker around him, and as he rushes around, he hears the sound of a frightened child hyperventilating nearby. After some wandering around, he finally comes upon a small closet) Marcel: Rebekah? (He opens the closet and finds Young Rebekah curled up in fear. She gasps in fright at first, but then she recognizes him even despite her young age and immediately runs into his arms as Marcel hugs her tightly) Marcel: Rebekah! It's okay, it's safe. (Suddenly, Eva appears behind them, and Rebekah stares at her in terror) Eva: You people just don't give up, do you? Marcel: (to Rebekah) Run. (Young Rebekah runs away in the opposite direction while Marcel stays behind to hold her off. He lunges for her at vampire-speed, but Eva thrusts her arm out in front of him and uses her magic to cause him so much pain that he clutches his chest and screams at the top of his lungs) Marcel: Ahhhh! Eva: You're a vampire in here, in my world! I'm the one who makes the rules! I'm the one who says how. you. die. (Eva twists her wrist, and Marcel begins writhing on the ground in agony as she tortures him) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Inside the warehouse, Freya is practically bent over backwards as Elijah struggles to keep his hold on her while she continues to chant the spell) Freya: (shouting) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. (As Elijah grips onto Freya's arms as tightly as he can, Marcel's closed eyes begin to twitch, and suddenly, blood starts to drip from them) [SCENE_BREAK] [ EVA'S MIND ] (Inside Eva's mind, Eva is straddling Marcel on the floor of the warehouse and is gouging out Marcel's eyes with her thumbs as he groans in pain) Eva: (furiously) The great Marcel. One-time vampire king. (She thrusts her thumbs farther into his eyes, and he groans louder. Suddenly, Vincent appears with his hands out in front of him) Vincent: (shouts) Eva! That's enough! It's over. (Eva looks hurt as she stands to her feet, and Vincent slowly walks toward her, his hands still up in a non-threatening position) Eva: Not a bad bit of acting, fooling me back there. Pretty slick, and cold. (She looks at him and her lips twitch into an affectionate half-smile) Colder than I remembered you. (Vincent gulps nervously) Eva: Aww, it's your eyes. Those damn sexy eyes. Making me think you love me, right before you bury a knife in my back. (She caresses Vincent's cheek with her hand, and Vincent sighs) You break my heart, Vince. (Vincent reaches down to his belt, where Eva's knife is tucked in his belt) Eva: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... (Vincent goes to stab Eva with the knife, but she stops him with telekinesis and forces him to drop the knife on the floor. Vincent starts to choke from the force of the spell) [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (Elijah is struggling so hard to hold onto Freya, who is still chanting the spell, that he yells in frustration at the top of his voice. Vincent's body starts to shake as Eva chokes him in her mind) Freya: (yelling) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Elijah: Ahhhh! Freya: (yelling) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. (She looks up at Elijah and looks scared) I'm losing them! (Elijah continues to hold onto her for dear life, when suddenly Klaus appears and grabs Freya's arm in one hand and Elijah's hand in the other, so they are all three linked in a circle to anchor Freya better. Freya looks at him in shock) Klaus: We're not finished, you and I. But, for right now? Save my sister. Freya: (nods and begins to shout the incantation again) Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. Polto picicio a corozan poltalamus. [SCENE_BREAK] [ EVA'S MIND ] (Eva is continuing to telekinetically choke Vincent when all of a sudden, Eva is thrown backward by an invisible force, allowing Vincent to recover. He looks angry and offended) Vincent: Is that what you think heartache feels like, Eva? Oh, but you have no idea. I wanted to rip my own heart out every time I woke so I couldn't feel what you did to me! That bone-deep hurt, knowing that I could not save them kids from you. The woman I loved more than my own life. (Vincent thrusts his hand forward and grabs Eva in a choke-hold, but she easily breaks out of it and twists his wrist around, causing him so much pain he collapses onto his knees) Eva: (enraged) We could have had everything! You chose this. It's on you! (Vincent shakes his head to try to stop her from killing him, but she's determined. She lets go of his wrist and puts both hands on his face) Eva: Goodbye, Vince. Vincent: (whispers) What? (Eva leans in to kiss him, though Vincent struggles against it, and before she can kill him, she's stabbed in the back with her own knife by Young Rebekah, who stands there stone-faced as Eva collapses onto the floor on top of Vincent, who is gasping for breath) Eva: Ahhh! [SCENE_BREAK] [ WAREHOUSE DISTRICT ] (As Eva's spirit dies, Marcel and Vincent both gasp themselves awake on the floor of the warehouse. The force of the spell as it breaks pushes Freya, Klaus, and Elijah away from each other, which seems to relief the exhausted Freya. Marcel immediately sits up and looks over at Eva's body, which is still laying unconscious on the floor. He and Vincent both look up at Freya, Klaus, and Elijah, who all seem worried) Klaus: (anxious) Did it work? (Suddenly, Marcel hears a small, familiar-sounding female voice in the next room, and vamp-speeds to the source of the sound. It's Davina, who has just awakened on the floor, and who looks extremely confused) Davina: Where am I? (After a moment, Josephine and the other children start to wake up as well, all of whom look equally confused to find themselves there) Marcel: (shouts to the others in relief) They're okay! (He rushes over to Davina and kneels down so he can give her a big hug) Davina: Marcel! (In the other room, Vincent is tending to his arm wound as Elijah walks over to Eva's body. Klaus looks devastated, and turns to Freya, who looks equally upset) Klaus: Why isn't she waking?? (Freya shakes her head desperately, as though to prove she had no intention of anything bad happening to Rebekah. Suddenly, Eva/Rebekah awakens with a gasp and sits straight up, and the other four look at her warily, unsure at whom they're looking. After a moment, Rebekah sighs in relief and smiles at the sight of her family) Rebekah: (taking deep breaths) Bloody hell! [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] (Rebekah is in the living room, where she's staring at the portrait on the wall of herself in her original body from several centuries ago. She sighs in exhaustion, just as Klaus, who is drinking straight from a bottle of scotch, comes to check on her) Rebekah: What? You're not fishing for a thank-you, I hope. Klaus: (smiles) I'd find myself freezing in hell before I got one from you! (Rebekah smirks at him, and he laughs) Well, come on, then... let's get you back in your proper body! Though, I'll likely have to torture Freya and Esther to do so. Which, actually, might be quite fun. (Rebekah looks nervous, and hesitates for a moment before speaking) Rebekah: No, Nik. I'm staying put. (Klaus gives her a confused look) Eva's gone for good, but her body - this body - is still linked to Davina and those children. I can feel it. Now, if I leave it, then it dies, and Davina and the others die with it. Klaus: (rolls his eyes) So-bloody-what? Rebekah: (appalled) I happen to like Davina! I'm not about to let her die. (Klaus smiles at her) Besides, do you really want the wrath of every New Orleans witch just as Dahlia arrives? We need them on our side, or at the very least, not siding against us. (She sighs) And, there's also the matter of Kol. I vowed I'd bring him back. I can't even attempt to do that if I'm not a witch. Klaus: (sighs and pauses for a moment) Freya's been inside my head. She knows my secrets. Rebekah: (laughs) So, she knows you go very far for very few. So-bloody-what? Niklaus, just for one second, can we just be what we need to be? A family united? (Klaus sighs and caresses Rebekah's cheek with his hand) Klaus: For now, for you. (He smiles at her, and the two close their eyes and bump their foreheads together for a long moment before Klaus kisses her on the forehead and heads for the front door. Before he can leave, Rebekah calls out to him) Rebekah: Nik? (Klaus stops, but doesn't turn around) Thank you. (Klaus smiles for a moment before he leaves the house) [SCENE_BREAK] [ CLOSING MONTAGE ] (Eva/Rebekah continues their narration in voiceover as the scene cuts back and forth between the various characters) [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] Rebekah: (voiceover) There's a saying in my family: "Kill a demon today, face the devil tomorrow." (At Rousseau's, Vincent takes the photo of himself and Eva and lights it on fire with a lighter. He smiles and lays the burning photo on a small plate and watches as the flames turn it to ash) Rebekah: (voiceover) Yet, even if you dance on that demon's grave, you can't help but wonder: was that demon alone? [SCENE_BREAK] [ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ] '(The various New Orleans covens, along with the Mikaelsons, Hayley, and Gia, have gathered at the compound, where Josephine is presenting Freya with a necklace with a turquoise pendant. She fastens the necklace around Freya's neck, and they all smile happily) Rebekah: (voiceover) Or do you have other, deadlier ones to fight? (Klaus is on the nearby staircase, watching as Freya is presented with the necklace and scowling suspiciously at her. Everyone claps in Freya's honor as she gives Josephine a hug, and both Rebekah and Elijah are at her side, smiling proudly at her) Rebekah: (voiceover) And though you celebrate having won the battle... (Josephine pulls away from her hug with Freya and faces her) Josephine: You're one of us, now. New Orleans is your home. (Freya smiles at her happily) Your friends are our friends; your enemies, ours. Rebekah: (voiceover) ...Have you really prepared for the war? [SCENE_BREAK] [ ROUSSEAU'S ] (Freya is sitting at the bar of Rousseau's, smiling happily as she touches the pendant on her new necklace, when she notices Klaus lurking nearby) Freya: Come to shackle me again, brother? (Klaus comes out of the shadows and leans against the bar beside her) Klaus: Maybe you've wormed your way into the witches' good graces... (He touches the pendant on her necklace) .. and my siblings, too. But, I see you for what you really are. Even if they cannot. Freya: They're not burdened by crippling paranoia. The kind that leaves you muttering to yourself alone in the dark. (She mimics his voice) "Where has everyone gone?" (Klaus looks at her, both embarrassed and outraged at this response) Freya: Mean of me? Yes. I shouldn't bring up your childhood secrets. But don't worry, all I saw when I channeled you were anger issues and a questionable taste in women. (Klaus sighs in annoyance) I was once alone, brother. It would be a shame if you were the one who found himself so. (She gets up to leave the bar, but Klaus stands and pushes her backward with his hand. Freya smiles mockingly and whispers in his ear) Freya: It doesn't have to be like this, of course. But, be careful; I only have so much patience. (Freya rolls her eyes and walks away, leaving an embarrassed and angry Klaus behind at the bar) Rebekah: (voiceover) So, as we dress ourselves in the armor needed for this new fight... [SCENE_BREAK] [ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ] (Esther is sitting alone in the Lyonne tomb when Freya appears out of nowhere to see her) Rebekah: (voiceover) ...We must first tend to our wounds. Starting with the deepest. Esther: (surprised) Freya. Freya: (coldly) You were wrong about me. I loathed Dahlia more than you could ever know. (Esther stares at her in confusion) You don't see that light in me? That's because she snuffed it out! I was five, and she was the devil. She took my light. My love. My will to live. (She smiles bitterly) My ability to die. You are no longer my mother, but I am not her child. (Esther stands and walks toward Freya) Esther: I am so sorry. Freya: (closes her eyes and sighs in annoyance) It's a little late for that. But, it turns out, you were right about one thing: maybe Klaus shouldn't have let me glimpse inside his mind. Esther: (angry) I warned him to be wary of you. Of what you might see. Freya: Oh, I saw quite a bit. But, I only learned one thing: Klaus and I can never be allies. I now see that he will never trust me. So, he leaves me no choice, I will have to turn the family against him. (Esther looks at her in surprise and horror) One by one. And now, I know how to do it. Esther: (confused) Why are you telling me this? (Freya looks at Esther in feigned sympathy as she takes a step toward her) Freya: (whispers) Because you won't be around to see it. (Freya grabs her blue crystal talisman and holds onto it as she places two fingers on Esther's forehead, which causes Esther so much pain that she shrieks at the top of her lungs) Esther: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! (After a moment, Esther/Lenore dies and bursts into a humongous cloud of starlings. The birds flutter around the inside of the tomb before they all fall dead to the floor. Freya looks around at all of the dead birds and steps over them on he way out the door) [ END ]

Eva Sinclair's reemergence leaves Rebekah trapped and tries to get close to Hope. So, Klaus puts aside his mistrust for Freya to save Rebekah's life. Meanwhile, Hayley and Elijah learn more about Eva's violent past. Klaus introduces Freya to Esther. Eva claims that all the children is asleep but not dead. Klaus tells Esther that Hope is alive and need the spell to put Rebekah back in her body. Marcel turns to Vincent for help to take down Eva, but his plan takes an unexpected turn. After telling the plans, Freya kills Esther.

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Last season on Dexter... The butchered bodies were submerged inside these garbage bags... Did you hear that? 30 bags. Do you know what that means? There might be a new mass murderer out there way worse than the Ice Truck Killer. Uh-oh. Eight confirmed victims of the Bay Harbor Butcher. That's what the press is calling whoever dumped those bodies offshore. Last thing Miami needs is another serial killer. Any idea who the FBI is sending? Some guy named Lundy. We have positive IDs on all 18 of our complete bodies. All 13 were either tried for murder or at least suspected of murder. Bay Harbor Butcher? Give me one shot, I'd put a bullet in the fucker's head. You really feel that way? If Dad taught us one thing, it's the value of human life. Yeah, but I think we had different homework assignments. Tell me the truth. Are you an addict? Yes, I have an addiction. I'm Dexter. Hi, Dexter. There's my sponsor. So tell me, exactly how full of sh1t are you? This woman sees me. Somehow she's able to make me feel OK about what I am. You're going to tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets. Laura Moser, my mother, she was murdered. I've never told anyone that before. Did you find out what happened to the men responsible for your mother's murder? Santos Jimenez. Turned state's evidence, went into witness protection. Where are you? I've decided to look up someone from my past. [SCENE_BREAK] You slaughtered her cause she stole cocaine. She was a snitch for a cop. She was f*cking him. It seems my foster father and my biological mother were having an affair. Did he blame himself for her death? Is that why he took me in? Or was he just using her? Was he using me? But there ain't no paper trail on the early years of Dexter Morgan. Your past is a bigger mystery than f*cking Jimmy Hoffa. Back... off. Ow! f*ck! If Dexter files a complaint, you will be kicked off the force. He's hiding something, Maria. I can feel it. I need some blood slides analyzed. I'm about to be found out at work for what I really am. You don't understand. Why don't you make me? Who the f*ck are you? Oh, pardon my tits. How could you do this to Rita, not to mention her kids? You and Lila stayed in a hotel together. It's over, Dexter. I'm sure that you heard we have a suspect in the Bay Harbor Butcher case. Sergeant James Doakes. He had the slides. Carefully hidden in the trunk of his car at the airport. Jesus Christ, Morgan. You're the Bay Harbor Butcher. You sure about that? You might want to check with Lundy. What's it gonna be, Morgan? Kill me now or set me free! Don't worry, I'll send the FBI your way soon enough. So you're still gonna try to frame me? Mission accomplished. After tomorrow, I'll be out of reach. Permanently. You're going somewhere? Goodbye, Lila. Welcome. Previous destinations. Starting route guidance. Hey! Who's out there? Anybody out there? Who put you in there? His name is Dexter Morgan. I found out that he's the Bay Harbor Butcher. Please, just open this gate! Poor thing, all alone. I'm OK. Not you. Dexter. What the f*ck are you doing? Turn that off! Do you understand this is murder? What were you thinking? Are you insane? I was trying to bring us back together. The Lila experiment is officially over. Could have had it all, Dexter. I've never put much weight into the idea of a higher power, but if I didn't know better, I'd have to believe that some force out there wants me to keep doing what I'm doing. You wanted to be close to me, Lila? This is the most I have to offer. You taught me to accept what I am. Thank you. The code is mine now and mine alone. So too are the relationships I cultivate. My father might not approve, but I'm no longer his disciple. I'm a master now. An idea transcended into life. Internal monologue (IM): Ah, life! Life is ritual, routine, control. IM: And a central part of that routine: regular oral hygiene. Dentist: There you are! Few minutes, that'll numb right up. Dentist: So, how was your summer, Dexter? Dexter: I went to the carnival. I even won a prize. Dentist: Hope you stayed away from all the sweet stuff. Dexter: Usually I'm good, but sometimes I indulge. Dexter: I also made a point to meet new people. Dentist: Never have too many friends! Now this temporary crown is gonna go way in the back, so there may be some blood. Dexter: Not a problem. Dentist: So you still have your boat? Dexter: Oh, you bet! It's the only place I can really-let everything go. Dentist: Sounds great! We'll have you up and out on that water in no time. IM: For someone who needs to spend his life pretending to be normal, I've been able to finally-settle in, to a nice, normal world. IM: And Rita is the scaffolding that holds that world in place. Rita: What're you thinking? Dexter: Life is good! Rita: Hmm... Dexter: Here you go, buddy! Okay, Astor, you're up! Micky Mouse, unicorn or starfish? Astor: Just plain round (?) pancake, Sexter! Rita: She's growing up. Dexter: Starts with pancakes? Rita: It starts with s*x. Cody: Hey, Dexter? Em, can you come to Dad Day at my school tomorrow? Dexter: Just tell me what to do! Rita: The Sharlet's (?)! Cody: Bye, Mom! See you, Dexter! Astor: Bye, Mom! Rita: Bye. Dexter: Get your bag! Rita: You hear that? Dexter: Hear what? Rita: The calm. Everything's falling into place for the first time in my life. I get these terrific kids, there's no more drama haunting me, and I have this great, generous gentle guy. Hmm... IM: Most normal people enjoy a sacred pack with society: Live a good life and society will take care of you. But if society drops the ball then someone else has to pick up the slack. That's where I come in. Fred Bowman, AKA "Freebo"-kills two college girls and escapes on a state police screw-up, otherwise known as Florida's "catch-and-release program". He does the deed, gets away with murder, and falls off the radar-everyone's rader but mine. Dexter: You got a birthday coming up, Dad! IM: What to get a man who had everything? How about "Freebo"? Someone: Morning, Dex! IM: Dexter, the donut guy-part of my routine. But let the record show: I'm not the only one with a daily ritual. Angel Batista: bear claw; Vince Masuka: lemon custard. Masuka: Hmm, better than s*x! Actually, no, it's not. Hey, I need a favor. You think you can, er, proof an article I'm running for FQ? Forensics Quarterly? Dexter: Right! Yeah. Masuka: They made me (?) a star because I was the LFI. Dexter: Lead Forensic Investigator... Masuka: On the BHB. Dexter: Bay Harbor Butcher. Masuka: M-hm. Dexter: Hey! Debra: Hey. Masuka: No biggie, I've been published before. Debra: Hah, "Dear Penthouse" doesn't count. Masuka: Hey, that letter was famous! Quinn: Death by pastry, hehe. Quinn: You changed your hair, makes you look younger. Debra: I don't wanna look younger! Quinn: Bad call then. By the way, nice work on the Ronally (?) case. Debra: Yeah, well, murder suicide, pretty strait forward. Quinn: Well, still, I mean, your word (?) was spot on, right? Debra: All right! Quinn's been in Homicide two weeks and he noticed. Dexter: Noticed what? Debra: My hair! I changed my hair style for the first time since I was eight! Dexter: Oh yeah! It's short-er, shorter. And, and Quin, he's just showing off his detective skill... Debra: Well, you think he thinks I'm a potential lay? That is not happening! And as long as you're not noticing things, you've also not noticed that I've given up men, liquor and smokes for the last 27 days. Debra: This year you're remembering Dad's birthday, though, right? Dexter: Dad, birthday, right! Debra: Blue room, 7:30, like always. Laguerta: I was just calling you last night. Angel: I, er, wasn't home. Laguerta: I also tried your cell phone. Laguerta: You're in the same pants you were in yesterday, and that shirt's backup one you keep in your locker. Angel: (Spanish) I thought part of your restructuring our department is you staying out of our personal lives. Laguerta: Anything you want me to know? Angel: Know this: I went out and had a great time last night, and you should be happy for me. Besides, since when do you care? Laguerta: Since this-follow me. Laguerta: Okay, guys, listen up! I've just got word from upstairs that Angel will no longer be Detective Batista. People: What? Laguerta: In two days, he will be Detective Sergeant Batista! People: Hey! Wow! Yeah! Laguerta: I'm sorry for all the red tapes and the hoops, but nobody deserves it more than you, (Spanish). Angel: So, er, when, when this is really official, when I can trade this in for that gold badge-trinks all on me! People: Yeah! Wow! Debra: Angel get his wings, you know what this means? Dexter: Payways (?)? Debra: No, dildo! It means he's my supervisor, which means I'm a lock (?) from my detective shield. Debra: Where're you going? Dexter: Er, research. Masuka: Dex! Er, typos, grammar, something could be clearer, whatever. Haircut? Debra: Yep. IM: Time to get the lay of the land on Freebo and his-pink house. Boy: What you need? Dexter: Freebo, I need Freebo. Boy: And you know him how? Dexter: He sells the best sh1t anywhere. Boy: Come on, man, what? You googled him or something? Dexter: You know what? f*ck it, there's other dope spots. Boy: Ay, ay, come here! Don't walk away all "f*ck you" on me! Freebo: What? Boy: Ding, ding! Dexter: I'm looking to hold some product. Freebo: Ordinarily I don't accept new clientele, but I've had a desultory third quartel. Hmm! Oh, come on! Dexter: Need a little more hook before breaking into the pocket, hahaha. Freebo: Ha. You know I brought this TV for six grand but I'll let you have it for three. Dexter: Well, I'm interested in scoring some tarp (?). Freebo: Ah, then the yeppie turns to the dark side. Teegan: I need a hay. Freebo: Geez, Teegan! I'm transacting here. Teegan: One tooth. Freebo: Did you here what I said? f*ck off, Teegan! Teegan: Fine, I guess your dick can suck itself from now on! Freebo: Stupid c**t's gonna re-define "short-term relationship". Catch my drift? Dexter: I catch your drift. IM: And I'm entirely confidant you've earned the privilege to re-purposed as fish food. IM: Narcotics raided this place at noon today. The drug rats won't return to their nest for a while. Plenty of time to do what I have to do. Yuki: Raw, you like it raw. Debra: Excuse me? Yuki: Your sugar-you like the raw stuff. It's my job to notice things. Morgan, right? Debra: Do I know you? Yuki: New haircut-it's cute! Debar: Alright, who the f*ck are you? Yuki: Yuki Amado, Internal Affairs. Debra: And? Yuki: You know a Joey Quinn? Debra: Why? Yuki: Well, started drawing our attention back when he was in Nartotics. He's in your orbit now. Debra: I don't know the guy except he handles my paperwork. Yuki: It'd be really cool if you could get next to him, you know-do a little recon. Debra: Are you high? Yuki: No, never been. Debra: Well, Yuki, that's not gonna happen. Yuki: Cooperation with IA has its upside in the Department. Debra: Yeah, maybe for rodents. Yuki: Okay! Well, it's nice to finally meet you-in person, you know. Bye. Debra: And what is it you think Quinn did exactly? Yuki: Hm, m-hm, you, you don't get to blow me off and still ask questions. IM: Loud music, cover of darkness-perfect. Guy: Freebo, get back here! Guy: Who are you? Dexter: Who are you? Dexter: sh1t, oh! Someone: (inaudible) IM: What the f*ck happened back there? I went to kill Freebo and ended up killing a total stranger. I've never killed anyone I didn't complete vet before-whose guilt I wasn't absolutely certain of. I didn't something wholly inside the moment-and wholly outside the code-something spontaneous. Who did I just kill? IM: Freebo's doorman. I am f*cked. Just a matter of time before someone calls it in. Dexter: Hey, you! Rita: Dexter, hey! This' not one of our regular nights, but, can you come over? Dexter: Er, sure. Everything okay? Rita: I am. Just, just missing you, that's all. Dexter: God, you're on fire lately! Rita: Are you complaining? Dexter: I'm compliant. Rita: Where are you? Dexter: I'm right here. Je suis pr sent. Rita: Hmm. Dexter: Hmm. Rita: God created pudding, and then he rested. Dextet: Pudding of chocolate: manna from heaven. Haha. What're the kids gonna get for dessert tomorrow? Rita: Tangerines. Dexter: Hehe. Dexter: Dexter Morgan. Yes, I'm happy with my long distance provider. Rita: What the hell ever happened to "Do Not Call"-steaming Morgan (?)? IM: Not in India. Dexter: I have an insanely busy morning tomorrow, so, I'll be gone before you and the kids wake up. Rita: Dexter, you've been working such killer hours lately. Just hold me till you have to go. Dexter: Just a matter of time... Dexter: Morning Sergeant! Angel: How long for you to get to 118 Kelland (?)? Dexter: Err, 20, 30 minutes. Debra: I got it, Dex! Dexter: You got what? Debra: Only the case that's gonna get me my shield. It's huge. Angel put me on it-officially on it. Dexter: Huge? IM: Who the hell are you? Debra: Bet you wanna know who the hell he is. Debra: Who he is what makes this case huge. That's Miguel Prado. He's at 88, he's on been on a mission to put away as many bad guys as he can, you know? The save Miami is the only Miami? Masuka: Save Miami and we're all unemployed. Dexter: Why's he look so familiar? Angel: Cause he just made the cover of Florida Magazine-top prosecutor three years in a row. Debra: He and Laguerta go way back, you know? That whole Cubano thing? Angel: The other guy is Ramond Prado, Miguel's middle brother, he's a lieutenant with the Sheriff's Department. Debra: Made himself quite the reputation for being a law-and-order hardass. And-Oscar. Dexter: Prado? Debra: As in "baby brother". IM: So much for spontaneity. Dexter: What was he doing in a dump like this? Angel: They're saying that he's a coach at a youth club, came here to confront the scumbag about selling sh1t to his kids. Debra: Talk about wrong place at the wrong time! Dexter: Tell me about it! Dexter: Find anything? Masuka: Yeah. Dead guy, with a hole in his chest. Dexter: Hey, this window's cracked, and there's blood on the wall. Who shut these drapes? Masuka: Probably first-on-scene. Forensic tech: Some dipshit regu (?) still outside puking. Dexter: So, what do we got? Masuka: Ah, signs of a major league big struggle here, there, everywhere, single stab wound to the chest. TV Monco (?) yet? Dexter: Started it. So far's really good. Masuka: Awsome. Miguel: (Spanish) Ramond: Whoever did this, he's wishing he was dead. Debra: Someone really stepped on his dick with this one. IM: There so many lessons in the vaunted Code of Harry, twisted commandments handed down from the only God I ever worshipped. One through ten: Don't get caught. That I got covered. But killing someone without knowing if he's guilty-I'd love some help on this one. But my God is dead now. Angel: Man's best friend, ay, Dex? Dexter: Not today! Hey, my sister said that Laguerta knows this Miguel Prodo pretty well? Angel: Way back when, when Mi... Hey, sup? Way back when, when Miguel was in law school, and Maria was just starting in law enforcement, they hooked up. Dexter: Hooked up? Angel: Between us, for Maria, Miguel Prado will always be the one that got away. Angel: Prelim has the victim, Oscar Prado, 26, dead, dead from a single stab wound to the chest. The deceased's brother, ADA Miguel Prado, informed me at the scene that Oscar went to confront one Fred Bowman, street name "Freebo", for selling drugs to some youth club kids. Morgan? Debra: This Freebo's the same guy that killed those two co-eds in the Everglades and got away with it. So, the way it looks, Oscar Prado died a hero. Also our team found a shitload of, er, substantial amount of drugs in the house. Laguerta: Any leads on his whereabouts? Debra: Er, that part the neighborhood isn't exactly police friendly, but I'm staying on it. Laguerta: Talk to me about forensics. Masuka: Hm, er, hm, evidence indicates this was no hit-and-run. It was a furious close-in battle. Whoever-or is it "whomever"? Dexter: "Whoever" is good. Masuka: Whoever did this got a lucky shot, or, was really good at handling a blade. According to the ME, the A-order (?) was cleanly severed in one penetration-not easy to do. Laguerta: Any luck finding the weapon? Masuka: It's not at or near the premises. We've checked roof, sewers, trash bins in a five block radios. Our conclusion: The assailant took it with him. Laguerta: Dexter, what's the blood saying? Dexter: Pretty much what everyone else is. Er, I've some second-level on-scene work to do. I'll get back to you ASAP. Laguerta: Get it to Sergeant Batista. Full disclosure: I've had a personal relationship with the Prado family for many years. And it goes a lot further than the whole Cubano thing! Sergeant? Angel: Stating the obvious, Lieutenant: I like Freebo for this. IM: Me too. Laguerta: Morgan? Debra: Yes, Mam? Laguerta: Hit the streets harder, learn what you can learn. Quinn: Er, all due respect, Lieutenant, if Freebo did this, he's not in Miami. I mean, he's, he's in the wind. Laguerta: We can sit around on our asses and speculate on where we think the prime suspect may or may not be, or we can actually go and look for him. Quinn: Hn. Miguel: As a Miami prosecutor I have dedicated my career to fighting crime, to making our street safe for everyone. Every family-white, black, Latino, Asian-deserves the full mesure of our devotion to their dignity. And now the crime has touched my family in the most, er, profound way imaginable. I grieve equally for every famliy that has been visited with the same unimaginable news we news that we have received today. Our beautiful city is a city of families, and the untimely taking of any of us touches all of us. My parents brought my brother Ramond and me to this... IM: Part of my ritual has always been getting to know my victims, confirming their guilt beyond all doubt. Oscar Prodo tried to kill Freebo, and he tried to kill me. No way he was there on some noble youth club mission. He's got to be guilty of something-aren't we all? So I ask again... Dexter: Who are you? Dexter: Two speeding tickts and an illegal U-turn. (???) IM: Harry finds me in a pool of bloos, turns me into his own personal vendetta machine, and when he sees the monster he created in action, he kills himself. Deb can drink to his honor on her own. Quinn: Any luck in the land of reluctant witnesses? Debra: One house I play good cop, the next house I play bad cop, I still can't get sh1t from anybody in the neighborhood. Quinn: You know what the problem is, right? Debra: Wait, Quinn, let me guess: the cop part. Quinn: No, they don't owe you anything. There's no incentive, which skew the balance of power way in their direction, right? Here, let me do you a favor: Call this guy, tell him you know me, tell him you're gonna cash in on my coupons. Debra: Coupons? Quinn: Yes, he's a CI from my days in Narcotics. (???) anything (???). Debra: What do you want in return? Quinn: For you to remember that I did you a solid. Quinn: What, not even a thank-you? Debra: Thank you. Stop looking at my ass. Quinn: Hahahaha... Anton: Detective! Debra: Officer. You're Anton? Anton: In the flesh. You got something you wanna show me? Anton: Oh, yeah, I've seen him before. Debra: Really? Where? Anton: In the news. Isn't that the guy you let walk on those co-ed killings? Now that there was a fine piece of police work. Debra: You knew him from the newspaper? Anton: Yeah, I think I've seen him on CNN or something like that. Debra: Okay. That's all you got? Anton: That's all you got! Debra: You know, if this is you and Quinn f*cking with me, I'm really not in the mood. Anton: You know something? If you need something for that temper I've got a man down the street with some really mellow weed that can take that edge right off. Debra: Well, thank you, but I don't take advice from drug dealers, so... Anton: Drug dealer? Oh, never that! A drug user, occasionally-strictly weed though, Officer, strictly weed. Debar: Then how'd you become Quinn's snitch? Anton: I got caught up in a drug bust. Quinn told me that if I blew the whistle on a bigger fish, I stay outta jail. So I listened -- (???). Debra: Yeah? Well, you know it never hurts an occasional drug user to have more than one friend on the force, so... Anton: That's the thing, Officer: I've got enough friends! Debra: Alright, well, I'm outta here. Anton: Yeah, well, you have a good one, yeah? Debra: What about this Prado guy? Dexter: And, and to determine the impact site, er, the exact point where force encounters a body, you have to distinguish the geometric differences between, er, back spatter, satellite spatter, misting, and arterial spurting. Boy: Gross! Cody: Shut up! [SCENE_BREAK] Dexter: Er, you remember how before when Katie's dad was talking about being a surgeon? Boy: Yeah? Dexter: And, and sometimes, how he has to cut into bodies, and there's blood? Boy: But he saves lives! Girl: Do you save lives? Dexter: Okay, you know there're good guys and there're bad guys? Boy: So you catch bad guys? Dexter: Well, not directly, but I help. Boy: Do you have a uniform? Dexter: A -- lab coat. Girl: A gun? Dexter: No. Cody: He's got a badge. Dexter: It's a laminate. Teacher: Well, thank you so much for taking time from your busy schedule, Mr. Morgan, to come and talk to the children. Dexter: It was a real learning experience. Dexter: Looks like I really got through to them, huh? Cody: It would suck even worse if I didn't have a dad today. Dexter: Thanks for inviting me, buddy! IM: If anyone should have father issues-anger, rejection, abandonment-it's Cody. And what's he do? He moves on. How does that happen? Dexter: I was so bad you're crying? Rita: No, no. No, it's just, it's just something I've always wanted. I'm mean you being here for the kids-so, so wonderfully uncomplicated. Dexter: Hello? Miguel: Mr. Morgan, this is Miguel Prado. I need to see you, right away. IM: So much for uncomplicated. Miguel: They almost looks like a -- piece of art. Dexter: Thank you, sir. But to me, it's more like a story. Miguel: Tell me that story, Mr. Morgan! Dexter: The encounter started over here. Miguel: Mhm. Dexter: The scuff marks on the linoleum, the crumbling, the throw rug-they all have a directional quality that leads to-now this is where your brother and Freebo-he's my lieutenant's prime suspect-but, you know that-there was a brutal struggle. Er, I gotta say it looks your brother fought like a hero, but he was overmatched and sustained a fatal stab wound to his chest. Everything about the blood suggest that your brother bled out almost instantly. Miguel: He didn't suffer? Dexter: Blood never lies. Miguel: So now I know how he died. Question is why. Well, one more thing Mr. Morgan: Why would a blood spatter analyst spend time searching the Sheriff's Department's database for information on my dead brother? Dexter: Er... Like you, sir, I wanted to understand what happened here. I thought that knowing some details about your brother's life could help me make sense out of his death. Miguel: In your line of work, Mr. Morgan, is it usual for you to get so involved? I just sounded like a prosecutor there, I'm sorry. Dexter: It's not a problem, sir. And no, it's not usual for me to get so involved. But this one, this death got to me. Miguel: It's just-it seems so unreal and-he's gone. Dexter: Yeah, I know. Miguel: So a man dies, Mr. Morgan, and what's left for soul? And what is that exactly? Dexter: I really couldn't tell you. Miguel: Well, some people say the soul would just live on forever. Dexter: I hope not. Miguel: Which makes you a cynic. Dexter: It makes me a scientist. Miguel: So no-one you've ever love has died? Dexter: My farther dies when I was in my twenties. Miguel: And you don't believe that, that his, his soul, a cull of his life force is still, somehow, it's living inside you? Because I -- I should've been there for him. Dexter: You can't blame yourself, sir. Miguel: That's easiert said then done, Mr. Morgan. Miguel: Do me a favor: You really wanna get to know my brother like you say? Come to his wake tonight. Come see how much and how, how fully he was loved. Dexter: Okay. Miguel: (???). Thank you-Dexter. Angel: Are there reports final? Dexter: Er, the blood speciments I collected all came back belonging to Oscar Prado. Masuka: Er, traces on and around the victim all point to Freebo. Angel: Anyone out there talking? Quinn: Well, Officer Morgan was setting up the usual firewall, clammed up witnesses and eye-witnesses, so-but she'll talk to an old CI of mine, hopefully it should be... Debra: Hey, Quinn? The CI you put me on was totally useless for Freebo. Quinn: Sadly, it's not a perfect world. Debra: Yeah, for all we know, Freebo's, like, in Nebraska right now. Quinn: Well, I guess you don't own me that favor then. Masuka: How comes he gets favors? Debra: Well, he doesn't. But what the CI told me about the victim: He wasn't some hero coach who went into the hood and took one for the team. Dexter: What do you mean? Debra: Oscar Prado was in the freeroll for some serious cash. Now why would someone be at a -- I don't know-a drug dealer for big bucks? Angel: Oh, tsh, tsh! Debra: Because Oscar Prado, the pride of Little Havanna, was a f*cking junkie! Miguel: Thanks, Maria. Masuka: Good one, Morgan! Dexter: She's been in better moods. Debra: Yeah, I didn't exactly brighten her day. Dexter: No, you didn't. Debra: Well, excuse me for doing my f*cking job! You see any of the super-cops coming over with any leads? Dexter: No, Deb, you're defintely amazing but you gotta... Debra: I know, I know, I know: Be aware of my surroundings, take the temperature of the room before I open my mouth. I know, it's bad habit, I admit it. Dexter: Well, look on the bright side: Now that you've given up men, booze and cigarettes, running your mouth is the only bad habit you have left. Debra: That's right! I'm a model of f*cking perfection. Debra: You remember what today is, right? Dexter: How can I forget? Debra: 7:30, I'll buy your first drink. Angel: You wanted to see me? Laguerta: (Spanish) Laguerta: I need you to think about Debra Morgan's continued involvement on the Oscar Prado case. Angel: You want me to throw her under the bus for what? Being a little overzealous? Laguerta: It's not about zeal. It's about tact and sensitivity. It's also about the real world: This case is as high-profile as it gets. Angel: Yeah, it's... Laguerta: No, (Spanish). Morgan is resourceful and tenacious-and usually the right amount of pain in the ass. But there're political ramifications. Now my history with Miguel Prado aside, this case's just too big for her. Angel: Just say the word, Maria, and I'll follow your orders. Laguerta: Becoming a homicide sergeant is more than a bump in payscale, it's a quantum leap in responsibility-all part of moving up the chain. Angel: If I bounce her, she'll hate me. Laguerta: You're her boss, (Spanish), not her boss. It's up to you. Debra: Can I get another cranberry juice? Bartender: That makes three problems (???)? Debra: Jeeze, I like the f*cking taste, okay? Debra: Miss you, Dad! Dexter: My condolences. Miguel: Thank you for coming. Miguel: Losing my brother is gonna leave a pain in my heart that, er, I don't think is ever going to heal. You have a brother, Dexter? Dexter: No, just the one loud sister. Miguel: What she said back at the station-is okay. I know my brother was a good man, but I can't say he suffered from the tragedy of perfection. Dexter: Who does? Miguel: Who indeed? Ramond: Hey, brother, (???) IM: You attacked me with a knife in a dope dealer's house-no, Oscar, you certainly did not suffer from the tragedy of perfection. Then why does this feel so wrong? Why in your death are you still so alive in my life? Guy: Did you know him well? Dexter: Not as well as I thought. Guy: Sorry! Angel: Graco (?) Black. Angel: Harry! Angel: What the hell is that? Debra: Cranberry juice, it's that gonna be a problem? Angel: Not even close to a problem, but the taste-kind of funky. Debra: You know when my dad was my age he already had a shield? Angel: Kinda why I'm here. I'm taking you off the Oscar Prado case. Debra: I come up with grade A intel on Oscar Prado and I'm getting tossed off the case for being a little loud? Angel: In a nutshell. Debra: Laguerta put you up to this? Angel: It was my decision. Debra: I'll tell you one thing, Angel: I'm not letting anyone getting in the way of me getting my shield. Angel: There's only one person in this Department who can get in your way. Debra: Who? Angel: You. Debra: Can I get a real f*cking drink, please? Debra: Thank you. IM: My sister's still living her life trying to please our farther. Me? I'm following the lead of an eight year old kid. I'm moving on. Rita: Thank you for last night! It was a nice surprise. Dexter: This is where I wanted to be. Rita: Hmm... Dexter: Hm, again? Rita: Hehe... Dexter: Hehe... Rita: All I want is chocolate pudding-and you-not necessarily in that order. Dexter: Morgan. Debra: Where the f*ck were you last night? Dexter: Rita's. Debra: It wasn't Rita's night! Dexter: Turns out it was. Debra: I called you. Dexter: I know. Debra: And you ignored me? Dexter: Not you-Harry. Deb, I'm in a whole other place when it comes to Dad. I'm working out some personal stuff. Debra: You're such a f*cking guy! What is it? "You gotta kill your father so you can become your own man" kind of bullshit? Dad wasn't perfect, but he was there for you. Dexter: Deb, wait! Debra: What?! Dexter: I'm sorry I didn't notice your haircut. Debra: So what is it? Is it too short, too young, too dorky, or what? Dexter: It's beautiful. Debra: Beautiful? You just said "beautiful". Dexter: Yes, I did, cause it is. Looks like you honored Dad for both of us last night, anyway. Debra: I had some help. Dexter: Haha. You getting along with the new boss-man? Debra: Oh, f*ck it, they took me off the Oscar Prado case and put me on this-some dead-end Jane Doe. Angel: A couple of ladies of the night called this in. Oh, mother (???), could you turn that thing off? Dexter: We'll, er, work quietly. About halfway through your article, Vince, so far very moving. Masuka: Yes, I was trying to make second-tier chromosom analysis sexy. Glad you're picking up on that. Masuka: Strangled. Dexter: So no blood. I'm the blood guy, why call me in? Masuka: Because of this. Masuka: Looks like our evil-doer had agenda. Debra: Maybe it was a tattoo or something. Angel: Dex, I need to know if this was ante- or post-mortem. Dexter: Teegan-Freebo's girlfriend. Looks like he's still in Miami. Laguerta: You've talked to Morgan yet? Angel: Yep. Laguerta: How'd she take it? Angel: There were cursewords involved. Laguerta: You did good-Sergeant! Guy: (???) Angel: Thank you! Dentist: There you go, Dexter-good as new. Angel: Hold the elevator! Hold! Debra: Asshole! Sorry, Sergeant Asshole! Angel: Ramos, Masuka, Quinn! Ramos, we got some celebrating to do! Debra: You still drink after last night? Angel: A man has his needs. You can go back to your cute little cranberry juice. Debra: Ea, taste like sh1t. I'm gonna have a Mojito-or ten-on you, Serg! Yuki: Morgan! Debra: Oh, you so have the wrong person! Yuki: Oh, there's a reason why Quinn's interest of IA. Debra: No, understand me: When I say you have the wrong person, I mean me. These people are more than badge numbers for me, they're my friends-they're my family. Yuki: Sh, sh, tsh! This is the sound of your shield, howling for help. 488. IM: Harry said that what was inside me would be there forever, and that I wouldn't be able to change. He was half right. Killing Oscar Prado was a bell I can't un-ring. I have moved on for my farther, but I still need his code, now more than ever. But it has to evolve, become my own. Change is good. Rita: Hey, you! Dexter: Hey, yourself! Dexter: This music again? Chocolate pudding again? Rita: Oh, sh1t! Dexter: What? Rita: I've done this before. Dexter: What do you mean? Rita: I'm pregnant.

Several months after the second season finale, Dexter hunts down drug dealer Fred "Freebo" Bowman but mistakenly kills an innocent man who happens to be the younger brother of Assistant District Attorney Miguel Prado. Dexter frames Freebo, but begins to question the necessity of his father's code. Meanwhile, Debra has reformed her life and is determined to become a detective, but refuses an Internal Affairs officer request to co-operate in an investigation of Quinn. Quinn introduces Debra to his informant, Anton Briggs , with hopes of finding clues to Freebo's whereabouts. Also, Rita realizes that she is pregnant.

fd_The_O.C._03x07

fd_The_O.C._03x07_0

Opening scene - The Diner, we can hear Summers voice but we can't yet see her. the camera pans to show Seth, Summer, Ryan and Marissa sitting in a booth together Summer: look I'm sorry, that movie sucked Seth: Master Of The Flying Guillotine Summer: yes Seth: It's a classic of the genre, that's like the Madame Bovary of martial arts cinema Marissa: (frowns, points) oh wait the flying guillotine was that the spiky hat thing he threw Ryan: yeah, dude I'm sorry but that-that was kinda weak Seth: (looks at Ryan) head? too Ryan (Ryan shakes head) Summer: god it didn't even make sense, why was he going after the one armed boxer (sympathises) poor guy Seth: ah revenge, it's a tale as old as time Ryan: maybe the girls should pick the movie next time (smiles) what'do you say huh Marissa: (touched) aww Summer: yes Seth: uh do I have'ta remind you about the Bring It On phase (Summer looks at him) Ryan: what Summer: now that (points) is an awesome movie (Ryan and Marissa also point) Marissa and Summer at the same time: (sings, dances) I'm sexy, I'm cute I'm popular to boot I said I'm bitchin great hair (Marissa stops singing when she sees something) Summer: (continues) the boys all love to stare, I'm wanted I'm hot- (we see what Marissa saw which is Volchok and his "bros" entering the diner) Marissa: (softly) Summer (Summer stops singing and looks over, Ryan looks over as well) Volchok: now what is that, ten ta one our boys hang out at that candy ass diner on the pier (grabs a chair and sits on the end of the table) that's what I love about you rich kids, so predictable Ryan: what'do you want Volchok: (looks at Ryan) I gotta spell it out for ya, I want a rematch (Ryan shakes his head) somewhere private jus me kickin your ass (Marissa looks at Ryan) Ryan: I'm not lookin for trouble (looks at Volchok matter of factly) Volchok: maybe you should'a thought'a that before jumpin me the other night Summer: (frowns) what like you didn't start it by (Volchok looks at her) hookin up with someone else's girlfriend Seth: good point (Volchok's "bros" stare at Seth, intimidatingly) Seth: or that's unnecessary continuity...either or Marissa: look guys this is so stupid Ryan: (shakes head) look I got nothin against you Volchok: well that's too bad, cause me an you (leans forward) we got unfinished business (hits Ryan on the shoulder) (Volchok points, smiles and winks as he walks away) Seth: (small wave) see ya guys (Marissa looks at Ryan out of the corner of her eye. Ryan is looking in the direction of the door) Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Kirsten is sitting at the table working on the fundraiser and Sandy comes in holding three different ties Sandy: hey baby (Kirsten turns around) I need your opinion, which of these screams real estate mogul with a heart'a gold Kirsten: the blue (turns back) Sandy: insensitive, street smart man of talent...an mystery Kirsten: (nods, smiles) the blue Sandy: alright, blue it is Kirsten: Sandy, your gonna do great, the Newport Groups lucky to have you (smiles adoringly) Sandy: well, I jus wanna make a good impression on my first day, hey how's that-that charity thing comin Kirsten: oh it's coming, I've (raises eyebrows) just never thrown together something so quickly Sandy: (putting on tie) I hope Julie an Charlotte aren't out gettin mystics while your doin all the work Kirsten: don't worry, there working, there busy with the foundation, oh, good question (looks at Sandy) booze or no booze Sandy: ooo, tough call (thinks) a fundraiser for poor women with substance abuse problems Kirsten: I know it's gonna be weird if people are drinking Sandy: yeah, then again people're alot more generous when they've had a couple'a shots under their belt same time: Sandy: booze Kirsten: booze (nods) (Seth and Ryan both come into the kitchen at opposite ends) Ryan: morning Kirsten: oh hey boys, on Sunday I would love some help with the party Seth: Sunday...Sunday, yeah It's gonna be tough (frowns) it's gonna be tough Ryan: (looks from Seth to Kirsten) yeah, no problem Kirsten: thanks Ryan (smiles) (Ryan looks at Seth, Seth gives him a "suck up" look back) Kirsten: uh well I should get going, I have'ta meet Charlotte an Julie at the club (Kirsten leaves the kitchen. Sandy grabs his jacket) Sandy: hey, what is so incredibly pressing on a Sunday Seth: uh it's the Sabbath dad, It's the day'a rest you know, I don't make the rules (kisses his fingers and points up dramatically) talk to the big guy Ryan: I thought...the Sabbath was Saturday (looks at Seth) Sandy: listen'a me, this is the first public thing your mother has done since rehab so we are gonna do everything in our power to make it a success, understood (Seth nods) (Kirsten comes back in) Seth: mom listen Sunday I'm gonna be there ok (points) provided I don't get struck down by a lightening bolt (nods) Kirsten: aww thanks Seth that means alot (Seth mouths something while he's looking up, I think its "I'm sorry") Sandy: such generosity (hits Seth on the back) Seth: oh there goes the back (Sandy smiles) no ill be alright, ill be fine I can probably lift stuff CUT TO: Summers bedroom - Summer is painting her fingernails and Marissa is getting organised for school Marissa: I just feel responsible, I mean if I hadn't introduced Ryan to Johnny in the first place then he never would've gotten in a fight with that jerk Summer: yeah well if you wanna blame someone why not Casey (looks at Marissa) for hookin up with the Surf-Nazi to begin with Marissa: I know, I still can't believe she did that (raises eyebrows) Summer: yeah well she had her reasons Marissa: Summer Summer: I'm sorry (looks at Marissa) have you asked him yet Marissa: right ill just say hey Johnny (raises eyebrows) Casey thinks your in love with me, an then best case scenario he says no an our relationship is totally weird if not ruined Summer: mm but what if he is (raises eyebrows) Marissa: then our friendship is totally weird if not ruined (sighs) he hasn't done anything to make me think that...so, excuse me for not believing his psycho girlfriend Summer: hmm (nods) ex-girlfriend, yeah he's single now remember Marissa: (not amused) ill see ya later (leaves) Summer: mm-hmm CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Seth are getting out the range rover Seth: dude, all I'm sayin is you just got back inta Harbor ok (shuts door) you do not wanna go back to the wasteland of home schooling Ryan: and I told ya I'm not gonna fight him Seth: yeah I hear ya an I wanna believe ya but I also know Kid Chino, sometimes when his backs up against a wall his fists of fury Ryan: Kid Chino is retired, he hung up the hoody so just relax alright (touches Seth's arm) (Taylor comes up behind them) Taylor: (calls) Seth Seth: ah-huh (turns around) uuuuuuh hey Taylor how's it goin Taylor: uh it's goin great (Ryan waves but Taylor is oblivious to him) Taylor: um I cannot tell you how many people have come up an told me how awesome they thought lock in was Seth: oh Taylor: you know what every single one mentions capture the flag (smiles, laughs) (to Ryan) did you know he was all camp Takaho Ryan: he might'a mentioned it Seth: told you it'd be fun Taylor: it was, it was an it was-it was all because of you too (Seth looks at her) (to Ryan) he-he took the lead in everything I mean with the-the trust falls an the s'more making an share time (touches Seth's arm) your story about Captain Oats (touches her chest, moved) Seth: oh (to Ryan) yeah we had'ta-we had'a tell a story about our best friend growin up (Ryan nods) Taylor: (laughs) an it was so incentive of those guys to laugh too, cause your story wasn't nearly as lame as Derrick Simmons befriending the deaf kid (we see a close up of Seth's shocked face) Taylor: but Seth I...wanted to ask you um (stops in front of Seth) what'do you think about planning the Christmas Dance together Seth: (frowns) the Christmas Dance you an me Taylor: (nods) we made such a good team (smiles flirtatiously) (Ryan looks at Seth and raises his eyebrows) Seth: oh wow, yeah well that (scratches neck) you should talk to Summer (nods) Taylor: (laughs) your girlfriend... Seth: (nods, points) mm-hmm Taylor: ...Summer Seth: yeah because she did like a fantastic job with the last one an I jus think that you guys would-would (brings hands together, points) there she is right over there so she's you can-you can talk to her about it yourself (we see Summer heading towards them) Taylor: (annoyed) ok, forget it, I gotta go (walks away) (Summer is walking towards them with her arms folded) Ryan: ooooooo boy you got trouble Seth: what, what're you talking about Ryan: your in trouble (raises eyebrows) Seth: what, I was nice to her so that's what that's what that was about- Ryan: keep-keep tellin yourself that yeah (nods) sure right (Summer stands there and looks at Seth, not happy) Seth: hey Summer: (hits Seth) what were you doing talking to her, did you forget that she didn't let me inta the lock in, I totally bruised my hand pounding on that door Seth: she probably didn't know it was you Summer: no, she knew it was me she just didn't wanna let me in Ryan: hm, wonder why (walks away) Summer: (frowns) what Seth: (takes Summers hand) I don't know Summer: what's that spose'ta mean CUT TO: Yacht Club - Kirsten, Julie and Charlotte are sitting at a table together Kirsten: we should take out half these tables so we can have more flow Julie: we should also talk to them about the music, the last event I did here they had us on a Kenny G loop Charlotte: can I just tell you how excited I am (smiles) (Julie looks at her) this is gonna be so wonderful Kirsten: I'm so glad you suggested it (smiles) (Julie smiles at Charlotte. Charlotte smiles at Julie and Kirsten) Kirsten: oh there's the manager, I'm gonna find out what time we can be here on Sunday an set up (stands) Julie: so where are we Charlotte: (almost proudly) hundred an thirty RSVP's at five thousand a head, that's over six hundred thousand dollars (we see a shot of Kirsten who is in the background talking with the manager) Julie: (stunned) three hundred thousand a piece Charlotte: mm-hmm Julie: ...tell me again I have'ta do this Charlotte: (looks at Julie) Julie you have two daughters, no husband an no money, you're about to get three-hundred-thousand-dollars (raises eyebrows) Julie: oh yeah, I'm totally doing this (smiles) (Charlotte smiles back at Julie. Kirsten comes back over) Kirsten: he says we can be here at eight (smiles) (Julie smiles) CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan is at his locker and Taylor is standing there when he shuts the door Taylor: Ryan, hi Ryan: hey (starts walking) Taylor: going this way Ryan: (looks at Taylor) yeah Taylor: so you're like Seth's best friend right Ryan: don't tell Captain Oats Taylor: that's funny, I didn't know that you were funny, so Seth an Summer seem happy, I mean I know they-they had that trouble last year but um...they seem stable wouldn't you say that they're stable Ryan: ah-huh (moves head side to side) Taylor: of course though I mean look at Brad an Jen (Ryan frowns) everybody thought that they were stable but nobody knew how un happy Brad was, that he was just waiting for Angelina ta come an rescue him Ryan: they're stable Taylor: (stops in front of Ryan) how stable, one to ten Ryan: uhhh excuse me (frowns) Taylor: on a scale of one to ten Ryan: right Taylor: how stable are they, six...six point five... Ryan: ten (moves head on the side) Taylor: (softly) ten, huh, sucks for Angelina (Ryan raises his eyebrows then frowns) Taylor: then again...things happen, don't they (Ryan half laughs) I bet Brad an Jen use'ta be a ten (smiles) Ryan: hmm Taylor: (walks away) oh bye (Ryan does a small wave, he looks confused as to what just happened, lol, poor guy!) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy and Matt are standing together in front of all the employees. Sandy is making a speech Sandy: I wanted to welcome you all on our first day (turns to Matt) Matt have you had a chance to meet everyone Matt: not yet (waves) Matt Ramsey Sandy: I wanted to go over what's changed, The Newport Group will still develop residential an commercial properties, with this alteration, one quarter of all our new housing projects will be low income, we are not just catering to the mansion crowd anymore Matt: though we do need their money ta stay in business Sandy: an the other thing that's changed (looks at Matt) is us, Matt will be a Vice President and director of development (Matt nods) which will leave me as President and CEO, and despite the fact that I've watched my lovely wife do this job for the past fifteen years I'm new at this, an I'm gonna need your help (Matt claps and everybody else joins in, including Sandy) Sandy: well stop millin around an get back to work (smiles) (everyone laughs) thankyou everybody (we hear "thankyou" from the employees as they leave. Sandy sits behind his desk and sighs) Matt: nice speech Sandy: that's nothin, catch me with a microphone in my hand (points) you should try to meet everyone, they'd appreciate it Matt: (raises eyebrows) oh yeah, hi, Matt Ramsey, good to meet ya...your fired Sandy: so I take it your meeting with the accountant yesterday didn't go so well Matt: (frowns) the word unsustainable was used...alot (Sandy nods) we have'ta lose nine people Sandy: nine that's a little extreme Matt: well (shrugs) you have'ta look at the numbers Sandy: for now we sit tight, we're here one day, the first order of business is not going to be firing half the staff Matt: alright, your the boss (Sandy looks down) (sighs, looks at watch) I have a meeting about the zoning on Crest Mont uh let me know what you come up with (Sandy nods, frowning. Matt leaves) CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa and Dennis are walking together near the lockers Marissa: I'm only telling you so you can be on the look out ok cause this guys crazy Dennis: k gotcha, ill be on amber alert Marissa: oh an don't tell Johnny he might do something stupid Dennis: hey say no more, it'll be our little secret Marissa: ok (nods) Dennis: (stops in front of Marissa) maybe sharing that secret maybe brings us closer together creates a bond (raises eyebrows) we'll roll with that too Marissa: (looks at Dennis) ah-huh jus don't tell Johnny ok (Johnny is standing near them) Johnny: tell me what Dennis: Johnny (nods) Marissa: hey (smiles, looks at Dennis) how are you Johnny: (looks at Marissa) good, tell me what Dennis: um no offence man this is kinda jus between me an Marissa Johnny: (looks from Dennis to Marissa) its Volchok isn't it...what'd he do Marissa: nothing Johnny: Chili (Marissa looks at Dennis) Dennis: come on man you guys are tearing me apart here Marissa: oook look he tried to get Ryan to fight him, but nothing happened so (Johnny starts walking away, clearly wanting to take care of Volchok himself) Marissa: uh hold these (gives Dennis her books then runs after Johnny) Johnny wait (grabs Johnny's bag) Johnny Johnny: look this isn't Ryan's fight Marissa: so what're you gonna do, go knock on this guys door an say hey fight me instead Johnny: I'm not gonna sit back an let your boyfriend take the heat for my problem Marissa: I'm not letting either of you guys get in a fight Johnny: Marissa that's not the point Marissa: (upset) what is it with you two (Johnny looks at her) I'm so sick of this Johnny: Ryan has nothing to do with this Marissa: you know what, its fine, whatever (walks away) jus do whatever you want Johnny: hey (Marissa looks at him) (sighs) ok...I won't fight him Marissa: ...seriously Johnny: (sighs) fightin a guy is one thing, but almost upsetting a lady, I'm a total coward (half smiles) you win (Marissa looks at Johnny. the bell goes) Marissa: look we better get to class (Marissa walks off and Johnny watches her for a few seconds before following) CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Ryan are coming down the stairs outside, heading towards the parking lot Seth: I'm serious, d'you have any idea what Summer'll do if she finds out Ryan: yeah I could imagine Seth: I have'ta tell Taylor it's not gonna happen...even if I didn't love Summer (Ryan looks at him) her an I we're totally incompatible seeing as how she's crazy an I'm not Ryan: well I thought you said she wasn't that bad Seth: Taylor Townsend Ryan: yeah Seth: in fourth grade she campaigned against makin the school handicap accessible, she said it was reverse Darwinism (Ryan smiles) besides who who wants Dean Hess' seconds Ryan: (smiles) true? Seth: oh look there's a picnic on our car (we see that Volchok and his "bros" are sitting on the hood of the range rover. Seth and Ryan stand in front of them) Volchok: oh its you guys, finally Ryan: (sighs) Seth get security Seth: (frowns) ok well maybe we'll go-go get em together Volchok: mm security (shrugs) we're jus talkin, I mean nothins gonna ha- (Volchok purposely tipped his drink over the car. Ryan watches, suprisingly calm, he just bites his lip) Volchok: oh Seth: It's alright, that's jus a little soap an Ryan: (matter of factly) I'm not gonna fight you Volchok: (to one of his bros) did you hear that, rich boy doesn't wanna get his hands dirty, well is your butler around maybe he'll fight me (Ryan looks slightly pissed off. Seth touches Ryan's arm to stop him from getting any closer) Seth: I got it, we're all strangers ok so lets take a step back for a second (puts up hand) I'm Seth, I like comic books (points) you obviously like uh flaming hot tattoos (Volchok gets off the car) Volchok: (points) I think you do got it in ya (Ryan looks at him) in fact I think your just itchin ta throw down...I jus gotta find the key (Ryan looks out of the corner of his eye) oh oh (holds up keys) oooh look what I found (Ryan looks at Volchok then looks away. Volchok takes the key and starts keying the range rover. Ryan and Seth, along with a crowd that has gathered watch him. Seth frowns, Volchok watches Ryan as he does it. we hear the high pitched squeal as the key leaves a trail in the paint work. Seth screws up his face. Ryan isn't phased, but we see a close up of his hand which he clenches into a fist, we can even see the bulging vein, eww. Volchok smiles as he continues keying) Volchok: but you know what I just realised there, she doesn't have a name...I'm gonna call her (looks at Ryan) little bitch (we see a close up of Volchok with the keys. he makes an L then an I. we then see Ryan unclench his fist and he starts to walk away, Seth follows him) Seth: jus keep walking Volchok: (calls) this aint over (Volchok watches Ryan and Seth with his arms folded) CUT TO: Cohen backyard, next morning - Ryan comes out of the pool house with tools in his hand. Marissa walks over Ryan: hey Marissa: hey Ryan: (frowns) were...we havin breakfast this morning Marissa: so Summer told me what happened yesterday with Volchok Ryan: aaah yes Seth kept a secret a whole twelve hours must be a record (looks at Marissa) yeah you know I jus I didn't wanna worry you Marissa: well I'm proud of you for not fighting, I know it must'a been hard (raises eyebrows) Ryan: yeah you have no idea (sighs) guys a total jack ass Marissa: (picks up tool) what're you doing (Ryan looks at her) what're all these tools for Ryan: you wanna see (takes Marissa's hand) come on, jus don't overreact (Ryan leads Marissa to the pool house. we see that there is now a punching bag suspended from the ceiling) Marissa: a punching bag Ryan: yeah (nods) Sandy had it in the garage, said I could use it Marissa: sooo (raises eyebrows) you could train to fight him (looks at Ryan, frowning) Ryan: no I'm not gonna fight him, I didn't yesterday remember Marissa: then what's it for (looks at Ryan) Ryan: ...therapy Marissa: (walks in, raises eyebrows) ok, I just don't want them fighting (sits on the bed) Johnny wanted to go after Volchok again but I talked him out of it Ryan: how's he doing Marissa: you mean about Casey (frowns) well she really hurt him Ryan: well Seth's goin to the Bait Shop tonight why don't you invite Johnny (Marissa nods) take his mind off things Marissa: sure (Ryan nods) now what about breakfast (grins) Ryan: definitely, definitely, ill meet you inside (helps Marissa up) I gotta clean up Marissa: ok (kisses Ryan's cheek) Ryan: alright (Marissa leaves and Ryan heads over to the punching bag, he lifts up a hammer and a piece of material is sitting underneath it. he looks at the punching bag next to him and then wraps the material around his knuckles on the right hand. he hits the punching bag once, hard and then leaves the pool house, with the punching bag swinging back and forth) CUT TO: Cohen bedroom - Kirsten is on the phone. Sandy comes in Kirsten: you can't deliver at four, by the time the guests arrive they'll be pudding an I can't have pudding (looks at Sandy) six'll be fine...thankyou (hangs up) Sandy: aah sweet charity (smiles) Kirsten: I am here by calling the next three hours Kirsten time, I am going to the gym (closes eyes) I am getting my nails done (smiles) an everything else can wait Sandy: good for you Kirsten: you left early this morning (kisses Sandy) Sandy: mm Kirsten: mm Sandy: yeah, you know nothin like a little Dawn Patrol to clear your head Kirsten: is everything ok, I was so busy yesterday I forgot to ask how your first day went Sandy: oh it's good it's good its (frowns) uh you know just um...just alot Kirsten: well you can always come ta me with questions Sandy: thanks, you go have your Kirsten time (Sandy looks worried and stressed) CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Seth is on the bed reading and we hear a knock on the door Seth: come in (Taylor walks in. Seth looks over) Taylor: hi Seth Seth: Taylor, hey (stands) what-what're you doin here Taylor: oh your mom let me in, she seems really really nice (Seth looks at his door in disbelief) wow your room is really cute, look can we talk Seth: (frowns, points) yeah ok but before you say anything- Taylor: I like you Seth: (looks down) ah boy (uncomfortable smile) Taylor: (nods) I know I its it totally suprised me too because I don't usually go for the R. Crumb type but (Seth looks at Taylor, frowning) the heart has its own logic Seth: (nods) mm, hmm yeah well I'm with Summer though so Taylor: I heard you were breaking up Seth: (shocked) what who said that Taylor: I made it up (smiles, head on the side) (Seth shakes his head) but what did you feel...when you heard it, relief Seth: no...listen Taylor even if I was single uhhh sss I'm not so sure that you an I would make a great match I mean Taylor: is that a Yakuza Prep poster (we see a close up of the poster on Seth's wall. it has YAKUZA PREP in big yellow writing and above that in white it has Who Will Graduate?. there is a girl in a school uniform holding a weapon of some sort, we can only see her from the back) Seth: yeah it's just this Japanese film about these prep school kids who- Taylor: (nods) yeah yeah it's like my favourite movie of all time (Seth looks suprised) (laughs) I think Kenja Yamamoto was a genius Seth: (shocked) really Taylor: yes Seth: have you seen his Samurai Assassination series Taylor: Battles At The Edge Of Hell, I own the Criterion Collection Seth: oh my god, d'you like comic books Taylor: comics are geek whacking material (smiles) (Seth looks at her) but look Seth (sits) I mean it's obvious that we are soul mates...all you have'ta do is break up with Summer Seth: (frowns) right well I'm not gonna be able ta...do that so Taylor: I see (Seth's phone rings) Seth: excuse me (while Seth goes to answer the phone Taylor notices Captain Oats sitting beside the bed) Seth: hello (Summer is in her room on the phone) Summer: hey, what time do we have'ta be there tonight (while Seth is talking Taylor puts Captain Oats into her bag) Seth: yeah I think we-we should be at the Bait Shop by like eight Taylor: (stands) ill see you later Seth (leaves) (Seth looks at Taylor with his mouth wide open) Summer: (frowns) who was that, that sounded like a girl Seth: did it be- yeah, well, sure because i I'm listening to the radio an this American life is on an so there was a girl talking Summer: oh, is that that show by those hipster know it alls who talk about how fascinating ordinary people are, ugh (rolls eyes) god Seth: ah-huh, yeah yeah (smiles) CUT TO: The yacht club - Charlotte is there and on the phone Charlotte: so'd you get the tickets (we see Glen on the phone, while packing) Glen: yep, San Juan Puerto Rico, where your ill gotten dollar goes further, how's your roomy holdin up Charlotte: oh she still thinks she's gettin half the money an a free condo Glen: wow, you almost feel bad for her Charlotte: yeah, almost, ill see you tomorrow night (hangs up) (Charlotte walks over to join Julie and Kirsten who are sitting at the bar) Julie: (worried) I jus don't think we should sign Charlotte: hey, what's the matter Kirsten: oh they want us to sign a liability agreement Julie: but then you'd be responsible Kirsten: I'm happy to do it Charlotte: what could happen Kirsten: (signs) exactly (Julie looks at Charlotte then down at the form) Kirsten: there, it's done, I'm gonna give this to the manager (Kirsten walks away. Julie glares at Charlotte) Charlotte: its if somebody stubs a toe, it doesn't mean anything Julie: I know I'm just...nervous Charlotte: look as soon as I skip town everybody is gonna blame me (Julie looks at her) your gonna be fine Julie: (softly) an what about Kirsten Charlotte: well she is gonna be very hurt (nods) an she's gonna need her best friend (raises eyebrows) Julie: right... (Julie looks over at Kirsten who is talking with the manager. Kirsten looks over and smiles at Julie, Julie smiles back. Kirsten looks back at the manager and then Julies smile goes and she looks worried) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Sandy is in his office and Matt knocks and goes in Matt: you wanted to see me Sandy: yeah, I spent the morning with our accountant going over the numbers an your right, in order for this company to be...as strong as possible we have'ta lose nine people Matt: for once I wish I was wrong Sandy: but I'm still not doin it (Matt looks at him) I came up with a plan (grabs paper) we restructure our loans, eliminate the perks, cut my salary by thirty percent...we let four people go, it'll get us by Matt: (reads) but this-this leaves us no margin, if one deal goes down Sandy: (raises eyebrows) then we go down, but as long as I'm running this company, that's how we're gonna do it (Sandy sits back down. Matt nods) CUT TO: The Bait Shop - on stage we see the Subways performing Rock & Roll Queen, after a few seconds of the band we see Marissa and Johnny watching, Ryan and Summer are also there but we can't see them yet Marissa: hey, it was not a pity invite ok (Johnny looks at Marissa, unconvinced) Marissa: (hits Ryan) tell him Ryan: (looks) yeah no we uh we-we thought you might like to see the band (Summer smiles) Johnny: right, so you weren't worried id be home alone all weekend thinkin about Casey same time: Marissa: (scoffs) nooooo no Ryan: (waves it off) what, that's crazy Marissa: no but seriously what're you doing tomorrow because my moms having a fundraiser Ryan: yeah if you wanna, Seth an I could use your help settin up Summer: yeah well if there counting on Seth they definitely need your help Johnny: wow, you guys are so not subtle (Ryan and Marissa looks at him) but I appreciate it, thanks (we now see Seth trying to buy drinks at bar. poor guy, it's like old times) Seth: hey ok buddy (the bar tender walks away) Seth: (hits bar, frustrated) c'mon- I use'ta work here (Taylor comes up behind Seth) Taylor: hello Seth Seth: (looks) Taylor...hey Taylor: is Summer here Seth: (looks at Taylor) ok look I love Summer, I always have now while you an I may share an appreciation for ultra violent Asian cinema (Summer comes up) there is no way Summer: what's goin on (Taylor looks at Summer. Summer looks at Taylor then Seth. Seth looks at Summer) Seth: tell me you just heard what I was saying Taylor: hi Summer, you look really cute Summer: I know, but more importantly why are you always talking to my boyfriend (Taylor just blinks) Seth: (tries to explain) she likes Yakuza...nevermind (Summer glares at him) Taylor: well maybe I should just get going (goes to walk away, stops) oh oh um I almost forgot (pulls out Captain Oats) here (Summer watches unimpressed as Taylor hands Captain Oats to a confused Seth) Taylor: thanks for letting me borrow him (Seth frowns) (touches chest) really means alot ta me that you trust me (Seth looks at Taylor, shocked. Summer looks from Seth to Taylor) Taylor: bye (walks away) Summer: (hits Seth) you let her borrow Captain Oats Seth: I didn't let her borrow anything, she must've taken it from me when she was in my room Summer: (frowns, more upset) when was she in your room (Seth doesn't answer) (realises) wait that was her when I was on the phone the- ...something happened at the lock in (Seth shakes his head enthusiastically) you are such a jerk (hits Seth, walks away) Seth: (follows) Summer wait...Summer (we see Seth walking away and Captain Oats sitting on the bar where Seth left him. Seth realises then runs back and quickly grabs Captain Oats. Taylor smiles, pleased with herself. we then see a little more of the band. we see Ryan looking up towards the entrance as Summer then Seth walk out, he then looks over at the bar and sees one of Volchok's bros talking to the bar tender. Ryan says something to Marissa, then Marissa says something to Johnny and they start to leave. Heather and Volchok stand in front of them, blocking their path) Volchok: you leavin already bro (Ryan Marissa and Johnny look at them, not saying anything) Volchok: hello Harper what's up...how's your girlfriend doing (Johnny goes to move closer to Volchok but Marissa stops him) Marissa: no whoa hey he's not worth it Ryan: just get outta the way man Volchok: or what, your not gonna fight me I know that Heather: but she might shoot you, she has before Marissa: yeah... Volchok: (to Ryan) is that true bro, d'you let your girlfriend do your fighting for ya (Ryan glares at Volchok. Marissa walks between them and Volchok grabs her arm) Volchok: no hold up girl (Ryan grabs Volchok by the shoulders and slams him hard against the bar. Marissa looks worried. Volchok grins, pleased with himself for getting a reaction out of Ryan) Ryan: don't you touch her Volchok: so that's what gets you going (Johnny pulls Ryan off of Volchok) Security: (points to Volchok) you, out (Ryan and Johnny look at Volchok, Marissa still looks worried. Volchok leaves reluctantly. Marissa watches Heather and Volchok leave. Ryan goes over to Marissa to make sure she's ok. we see Volchok and Heather now on the stairs. we then see the crowd now dancing again) CUT TO: Cohen living room - Sandy is on the couch reading the newspaper. the front page says "Orange County Beaches Voted Best in the State". Ryan comes in from outside Sandy: hey Ryan: hey Sandy: hey Kirsten's already over at the Yacht Club once you an Mr. Sabbath have breakfast we should head over there an start setting up Ryan: (nods) great (frowns) can I talk to you about somethin (sighs) Sandy: (closes paper) anytime Ryan: (sits) there's this guy an he's gotten it in his head that he's gonna fight me (looks at Sandy) Sandy: (looks at Ryan) does this have anything to do with the fact that my car is now...the little bitch (raises eyebrows) Ryan: maybe, I was gonna fix that Sandy: forget about it (shrugs) that there's enough to go to the cops Ryan: yeah (looks down) Sandy: d'you want me ta talk to em Ryan: no, no offense but uh I don't see this guy getting scared Sandy: (sits forward, shakes head) you know you can't get into another fight Ryan: no I know an I've ben tryin'a walk away Sandy: you're usin your brain instead'a your fists, good Ryan: but, I mean how's that help me with this guy Sandy: well you gotta keep walking away, cause whatever is makin him angry (shakes head) it isn't you (Ryan looks as though he's thinking. phone rings) Sandy: ohp hang on just a minute (looks at who's calling, frowns, answers) hey Matt its a little early on a Sunday morning...today (raises eyebrows) no you don't do anything till I get there...alright (hangs up) (Ryan raises his eyebrows) you an Seth are gonna have'ta go to the club without me ill catch up later (stands) ill have my phone if you need me [SCENE_BREAK] CUT TO: The Beach - Dennis and Marissa are in the car together. Dennis is driving Dennis: I can't believe you dragged me outta bed for this, this is the worst idea ever Marissa: there's no other way Dennis: ok but seriously you don't know Volchok, last year some guy snaked his wave so he went up on the pier an dropped a kitchen sink on him, where do you even get a kitchen sink (parks) Marissa: yeah well if you're so concerned (gets out) why don't you stay in the car (shuts door) Dennis: (gets out) I'm jus saying maybe we could bring some muscle (follows Marissa) besides the muscle that I already provide (we see one of Volchok's bros and Volchok standing at the back of an open van) Bro: yo yo yo yo ? Volchok: oh hey hey look who's here (puts hands up) now don't shoot (Marissa smiles and half laughs as if to say "so funny" Volchok laughs at her reaction) Volchok: hey dork Dennis: (nods) hey Marissa: look I want you ta leave Ryan alone (holds out a watch) Volchok: oh so its bribes now (Marissa looks at him) well I got a watch (holds up wrist) K-Mart, fifteen ninety nine (raises eyebrows) Marissa: well this is Cardiay, an I got it for my sixteenth birthday (looks at the watch then Volchok) its worth like four grand (Dennis looks at Marissa) Volchok: damn (takes watch) you must really think I'm gonna hurt him Marissa: do we have a deal Volchok: (looks at Marissa) ...sure, ill leave your little boy alone Marissa: alright (starts to walk away, then matter of factly) if I see you around again I'm gonna tell the cops you stole that (points) Volchok: you do that (Marissa looks back at Volchok as she and Dennis walk towards the car. Dennis waves at them and Marissa hits him) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Kirsten is there getting everything organised for the fundraiser. a woman wheels in some flowers on a trolley Kirsten: don't put them in direct sunlight because then the water starts to heat up an then the flowers they-they wilt (unsure) do-do you think there's too much red (Julie comes in) Julie: hey Kirsten Kirsten: oh hey Julie: what's up Kirsten: just giving final instructions, oh I know I'm going a little crazy but I just want everything to be perfect (looks at Julie) it will be wont it (frowns) Julie: yeah of course I-it'll be fantastic (smiles) Kirsten: thanks Julie, I am so glad we're doing this together (smiles) Julie: (smiles) me too (Kirsten walks away. Julie looks as though she is having second thoughts) CUT TO: The Newport Group - Matt is there by himself. Sandy comes in Sandy: what the hell are you doin Matt: (stands) let me explain Sandy: forget going behind my back (frowns) you called people in on a Sunday to fire them, is that what they teach ya in business school what so you don't lose time during the week Matt: eh listen I just thought it would be better now than on Monday when they have'ta face the humiliation of packin up infront'a their co-workers an I didn't go behind your back Sandy: really, because as much as I appreciate the heads up phone call that your about to fire four of our employees, I don't recall ever agreeing to this Matt: we agreed we had'a let em go...I jus thought that if I did it myself I would spare you the pain, that's all Sandy: for the record, I don't let people do my dirty work for me (Matt looks down) where are they Matt: (motions) they're in your office (Sandy looks at the door unhappily and then walks over) Matt: look Sandy Sandy: oh it's alright Matt, now go home, its Sunday (Matt nods and leaves. Sandy waits a few seconds before opening the door. we get a glimpse of the employees already in there) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Seth and Summer are standing at one of the tables together. Summer is putting something on the table Seth: listen to me, nothing happened at the lock in Summer: ah-huh, an yet you still felt the need ta lie about her being in your room (Summer moves to another table and Seth follows) Seth: because I knew how you would react (Summer looks at him) not that it's your fault I'm saying it's my fault (points to himself) it's definitely my fault Summer: you know what is my fault Seth: what Summer: (slaps Seth hard on the cheek) that (walks away) Seth: (touches cheek) ooooowwwww (Seth follows Summer. in the background Ryan and Johnny are setting up tables together) Johnny: listen man I'm really sorry about the...whole Volchok thing Ryan: ah it's not your fault, guys like Volchok are lookin for any excuse Johnny: sounds like you've ben in this situation before Ryan: yeah, feels like every week Johnny: look...if anything goes down (looks at Ryan) I'm there Ryan: (nods) yeah, thanks, but I'm hoping it doesn't come to that Johnny: sometimes you don't have a choice (Ryan looks as though he's thinking) CUT TO: Charlotte and Julies condo - Charlotte comes out all dressed up for the fundraiser, she stops when she sees Julie sitting at the table not ready Charlotte: Julie, you're not dressed, we need to leave in a few minutes Julie: I don't think I can do this (drinks) (Charlotte walks over to Julie) Charlotte: you're worried about Kirsten getting hurt Julie: Kirsten, Marissa (nods) even if they blame you... Charlotte: (nods) I see, well what if they blame you Julie: (looks at Charlotte) what Charlotte: (shrugs) what if I call the police an tell them how we (frowns) created a fake charity ta defraud your friends Julie: Charlotte they'd arrest you Charlotte: yeah but they'd have'ta find me first, I somehow think you'd be a little easier to track down (Julie looks at her, shocked) (sits on the table) could you do jail Julie, an if you did which one of your former friends would be there ta help you when you get out (leans closer) now get - dressed (raises eyebrows) or we'll be late for the party (Julie looks at her) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - Marissa and Summer are now dressed up. Marissa has flowers in her hand and puts them down on a table Summer: d'you think Taylor's pretty Marissa: Summer Summer: well I mean I know she's not prettier than me but like objectively speaking Marissa: objectively speaking I think Seth loves you an you've got nothing to worry about (Marissa sees Heather enter the club) Marissa: (hands Summer flowers) go put these on a table (Summer walks away. Marissa walks over to Heather) Heather: (holds up watch) he told me to give you this, he changed his mind, he wants cash Marissa: but he can sell that Heather: tell him yourself, he's in the parking lot (Marissa looks at Heather. the next thing we see is Marissa and Heather going out to the parking lot. Volchok is sitting in the van with the side door open Marissa: we had a deal Volchok: pawn shop aint open an I need cash now, I owe a guy some money Marissa: well I don't have four thousand dollars Volchok: well lucky for you all I needs' a couple hundred, c'mon you got an ATM card don't you (Marissa looks at him, reluctant) screw it (gets out) your boyfriend inside hm Marissa: ok, fine ill go (Marissa gets in the van then Volchok gets in after her. the door shuts) CUT TO: The Yacht Club - we see a tray with 7 glasses of wine on it. the tray gets carried away and we can see Julie talking to a couple W: party's really wonderful Julie M: yeah it really is Julie: I am so glad that you both could come, but you know what you should watch those ahe rolls? Chuck or we'll be treating you for substance abuse (laughs) oh excuse me (smiles) nice to see you (Julie goes over to Kirsten) Kirsten: well you don't miss a beat (smiles) Julie: oh well you know just like riding a bike Kirsten: (smiles) Julie I really wanna thank you Julie: (suprised) for what Kirsten: making me do this, I wasn't sure that I was ready, but having your support (smiles, shakes head) I just wish...my dad could see us (raises eyebrows) he'd be so proud (Julie smiles, Kirsten smiles at her and then walks away. Julie sighs, worriedly - we then see Taylor standing with her mom) Ts mom: I thought you said you'd have friends here tonight Taylor: (looks) well there jus...not here yet (shrugs) Ts mom: I don't want another evening of you sitting alone in the corner reading the economist, it's embarrassing (we see Seth standing in the background watching with a frown on his face) Taylor: there gonna be here Ts mom: well excuse me if I don't hold my breath (Seth walks over) Seth: Taylor (Taylor and her mom look over) Seth: I'm sorry I'm late it was uh (to Ts mom) hi Seth Cohen Ts mom: (smiles) Veronica Townsend nice to meet you (Seth nods) Taylor is this the young man you bought the present for (Seth looks at Taylor) Taylor: (horrified) mom (raises eyebrows) Ts mom: well give it to him (to Seth) she must'a wrapped it an re wrapped it four times before we left the house Taylor: (softly) oh my god (Seth frowns) um ok (pulls out present) fine (hands it to Seth) Seth: oh wow, you didn't I mean that's you know (opens it, looks at Taylor) Yakuza demon (Taylor looks down shyly) how did you get this I thought they only released it in Japan Taylor: (nods) yeah my cousin um works for Krustys? in Tokyo and...he sends me DVDs I don't know I jus thought you would like it Seth: it's amazing Ts mom: well ill just...let you two be alone (smiles) (Taylor's mom walks away) Seth: Taylor this is like so- (Taylor runs outside upset. Seth follows her) Seth: Taylor Taylor: (upset) go away Seth, I don't need you feeling sorry for me Seth: I don't Taylor: (scoffs) oh my god (looks at Seth) well why not, you heard her she's horrible she's (touches forehead) always saying the same things why don't people like you Taylor why aren't you popular Taylor why don't you have friends Taylor Seth: well she doesn't know what she's talking about Taylor: (laughs) yeah but that's just it she does...I live in this dream world where I think that Summer is my friend and I think that you like me (Seth looks at her) an the truth is that I don't have anybody, oh my god even the Grinch had that stupid little dog Seth: (frowns, nods) you think Summers your friend Taylor: yes I know I'm crazy Seth: (leans forward) you know what I like you Taylor: no you don't Seth: yes I do Taylor: (raises eyebrows) you pity me its different Seth: (shakes head) no I really do I think your (shrugs) funny Taylor: (laughs) stop teasing me Seth: I'm not listen'a me I'm serious (puts hand on Taylor's shoulder) you got great taste in movies, I think your smart, I think your interesting Taylor: (puts hand on top of Seth's) really Seth: yeah, an if you just relaxed a little bit I think other people would see that (Taylor nods and brings Seth's hand to her cheek) Seth: you know they'd see that your one of a (thrown) kind...yeah but I've actually gotta head back in (points, takes hand off Taylor's cheek) right now so Taylor: Seth I (Seth un hooks Taylor's fingers from his) Seth: no no it- just because uh I think Summer may be looking for me Taylor: oh (smiles) Seth: an you know if she was to come out here an see us talking (motions stabbing) so uh we're gonna talk at school Taylor: ok (smiles) Seth: ok, ok good (starts walking away, stops) but I feel really good about this (Seth goes inside and Taylor squeals excitedly. she cups her hands over her mouth) Taylor: it's happening (Taylor smiles, cups her hands again and laughs while walking away - inside Johnny is sitting at the bar. Ryan goes over to him) Ryan: what's up man (touches Johnny's back, nods to the bar tender) Johnny: hey, this party's unbelievable, feels like I'm in a movie Ryan: yeah I know the feelin (smiles) you haven't seen Marissa have you (drinks) Johnny: no, no but I just got here (looks at Ryan) why what's up (phone rings) Ryan: nothing, I just saw her a while ago but (looks at who is calling) guess who (answers) hey where are you (we now see that Marissa isn't the one on her phone, its Volchok. Marissa is standing between Heather and one of Volchok's bros) Volchok: well right now...I'm with your girlfriend (we see Ryan's stunned face) Volchok: are you there little bitch Ryan: yeah I'm here Volchok: she's fine (laughs) but she does miss you so why don't you come get her, we're underneath the pier (hangs up) (Ryan hangs up) Johnny: what's up Ryan: uh...Volchok's got her Johnny: we should call the cops Ryan: yeah, you call em I'm gonna finish this (leaves) (Johnny sits there for a few seconds and then follows Ryan - Sandy walks in looking depressed. Kirsten sees him) Kirsten: hey (smiles) (Sandy goes to wave and say hey but Charlotte calls Kirsten. Sandy waves it off and motions that it doesn't matter) Charlotte: Kirsten, I've raised over three hundred thousand dollars in pledges Kirsten: oh that's great, I think Julies doing even better Charlotte: yeah Kirsten: I wouldn't be suprised if we hit a million Charlotte: oh, where is she I haven't seen here in a while (looks around frowning) Kirsten: I don't know Julie: (into mic) excuse me (we see that Julie is standing in front of everybody holding a microphone) Julie: uh excuse me may I have your attention over here please (waves) I'm Julie Cooper-Nichol, its so great to see all your face an I just wanna thank you so much for coming here, with your assistance we are going to be able to help a great many women in need (everyone claps) (Charlotte and Kirsten watch) thankyou um however as you write your cheques I would ask that you make them out to the National Foundation For Substance Abuse (Charlotte looks stunned) as it so happens your generosity has somewhat overwhelmed our small organisation an with the National Foundations network your money will go alot further (quickly adds) and still be tax deductible (everyone laughs) so thankyou very much (more clapping) (Julie glares at Charlotte. Charlotte looks almost angry) Kirsten: did you know about this Charlotte: no I...ill go talk to her (smiles) Kirsten: ok (Charlotte walks over to Julie and grabs her arm as she's walking) Charlotte: Julie, what the hell do you think your doing Julie: (nonchalantly) oh could you not hear me, I always hold the mic too far away (looks at Charlotte) Charlotte: I wasn't kidding about the police, Julie, now you get back over there an you tell everyone it was a mistake Julie: call em Charlotte: what (frowns) Julie: call the police (Charlotte looks at her) I thought so Charlotte: oh what you think your back in society now so you don't need the money, wake up...Julie, these people are never gonna accept you, you don't have any friends here Julie: wrong, I have Kirsten (shakes head) an I wont do this to her (Charlotte looks at her) now, I think its time you left don't you, this towns only really big enough for one (raises eyebrows) manipulative bitch (kisses Charlottes cheek, Charlotte turns away) take care sweetie (Julie walks away - we then see Summer come up behind Seth) Summer: where've you ben (Seth turns around) just because I'm not talking to you doesn't mean your allowed outta my sight Seth: no I was in the (points) parking lot Summer: (frowns) you were in the parking lot, why were you in the parking- (looks down and takes the present) Yakuza, were you with Taylor Seth: she's having an emotional crisis Summer: yeah well she's about to have a physical one Seth: Summer, she thinks you're her friend Summer: what (frowns) she is crazy I hate her Seth: I know you along with everyone else look (Summer raises her eyebrows) this whole thing started because the other day I was at the lock in an I saw how awful her mother is so you know what I was nice to her Summer: (nods) ok, so that's the problem that you were too nice Seth: well she's just not use to it an I think she's overreacting a little bit (Summer frowns) she's jus really lonely (Summer looks at Seth, Seth looks at Summer) Summer: well she doesn't make it easy to be nice too Seth: I know Summer: (sighs) ...just don't ever lie to me again ok Seth: I wont I swear Summer: (smiles) how badly d'you wanna go home right now an watch that movie Seth: so bad it may actually kill me Summer: c'mon (Summers walks away and Seth follows her)

Marissa is determined to get Volchok to stay away from Ryan. Taylor begins to cause major rifts in Seth and Summer's relationship. Meanwhile, Sandy's new business partner goes above and beyond the call of duty. Charlotte is forced to leave town after Julie makes a bold move in their scheme.

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x11

fd_The_Vampire_Diaries_02x11_0

[Lockwood's mansion] (Tyler is in his father's office. He's watching Mason's transformation while he's preparing everything for the full moon. He takes the phone and calls Mason but he doesn't answer. He leaves a message) Tyler: Mason, it's Tyler again. Look, your voicemail is full. I need to talk to you. It's a full moon tomorrow and... I found your recording and I'm freeking out over here. Just call me back, please [Mason's apartment] (A girl is here. She's listening to Tyler's message) [Gilbert's house] (Elena is in her bedroom. She's looking at the moonstone. Bonnie is with her) Elena: Now that you've got this back, what are you gonna do with it? Bonnie: Right now it's what is binding the sun and the moon curse. If i can figure out a way to remove the spell from the stone, the stone becomes useless Elena: And according to Katherine, Klaus becomes vengeful Bonnie: Maybe if he finds out Elena: Bonnie, can't this wait? Stefan is stuck in the tomb with Katherine. We've got to get him out Bonnie: Stefan wants me to focus on this Elena: Don't listen to him. He thinks that he's protecting me but he's wrong Bonnie: I'm taking Stefan's side with this one. We're not gonna let you get use in some creepy sacrifice ritual (Jeremy arrives. Bonnie takes the stone from Elena's hand) Jeremy: What are you guys arguing about? Bonnie: We're not arguing anything (She puts the stone in her bag and looks at Jeremy) Bonnie: I need a coffee (She gets up and leaves. Jeremy looks at Elena) Elena: What? Jeremy: Why are you on some suicide mission? Elena: I'm trying to prevent everyone else from getting hurt Jeremy: How's bringing Klaus the moonstone so you can get yourself killed is okay? (He leaves. She takes the moonstone from Bonnie's bag) (She gets down the stairs. She has her car's keys in her hands. Bonnie rejoins her) Bonnie: Where are you going? Elena: To see Stefan Bonnie: You're lying Elena: No, I'm not Bonnie: Really? Tire your face Elena: Are you serious? (Jeremy rejoins them) Jeremy: She took the moonstone Elena: How did you...? Bonnie: We tested you and you failed Elena: Klaus killed Katherine's entire family just because she crossed him. I can't let that happen (Bonnie lets her leave. Elena opens the door and tries to get out but she can't. She's trapped. She turns herself and looks at them) Elena: What did you do? (Damon (Bonnie looks at Jeremy. He's smiling) [The tomb] (Stefan is talking with Damon) Stefan: You trapped her in the house? Damon: It's for the best. Trust me. Elena is on a martyr that rivals your greatest hits. You should be glad the witch and i are getting along. I brought you this (He gives him a bag) Damon: Care package: candles, lanterns and lunch (He shows him a bottle of blood) Stefan: Give that to me and I'm just gonna have to share with her (Damon looks at Katherine) Damon: Yeah... Katherine: You two are surprisingly calm considering Klaus will haunt you down and kill you if you mess with his little plan Damon: I've been dead before. I got over it (He looks at Stefan) Damon: Once we deal with this moonstone, we'll figure a way to get you out Stefan: Don't worry about me. Just make sure Elena's safe (Damon looks at Katherine and leaves) [Lockwood Mansion] (Tyler is about to leave. Carol rejoins him) Carol: Heading out? Tyler: Yeah... lunch at the grill, I've got practice and I'll probably go out after. I'll be late (Someone knocks on the door. Tyler opens it. It's a woman) Jules: Hi Tyler: Hi Jules: Sorry. Rude. You have no idea who i am. I'm Jules, a friend of Mason from Florida. You must be Tyler Tyler: Yeah. Nice to meet you Jules: So I know it's weird to me to just stop by but I'm trying to track down Mason Carol: Mason's back in Florida. He has been for a while now Jules: See... that's the thing... he's not [Mystic grill] (Jenna is sitting at a table with Alaric) Jenna: So now I'm playing historical society hostess to some writer who's doing his book on small town Virginia Alaric: Well that sounds... Jenna: Lame, yeah but Carol Lockwood played the dead husband card, she said she was too busy to deal. Plus, my sister kept mostly archives so there you have it (She kisses him and leaves. Tyler arrives and rejoins Caroline. Alaric looks at him) Tyler: Hey Caroline: Hey. What's wrong? Tyler: This girl Mason knows stopped by the house. She said he never made it back to Florida. My mom is freaking out and she was on the phone with your mom when I left. (Alaric is looking at them) Tyler: We should get going Caroline: Yeah (She gets up and looks at Alaric) [Gilbert's house] (Damon enters the house and rejoins Elena in the living room) Damon: You should really lock your door. Oh, come on pouty. Just give me two points for ingenuity Elena: Do you think this is funny? Damon: Yes Elena. I find hilarity in the links that I have to go to repeatedly save your life Elena: What does Stefan say about this? Damon: Pretty good laugh Elena: And what did he say about Elijah still being alive? (He sits down next to her on the couch) Damon: Yeah, that... I didn't tell him Elena: Why not? Damon: Well a) he can't do anything about it and b)... what I just said (Jeremy rejoins them) Damon: Where is Bonnie? Jeremy: I thought she was meeting you Damon: No, she's on moonstone duty and I'm on Elena patrol Jeremy: And who's on Tyler Lockwood and the full moon? Damon: Vampire Barbie asked me if she can handle this and why not? Because if she screwed up he'll bite her and then I'll be rid of two of my problems Elena: Hold on a second. Tonight is a full moon? (Damon's phone ring) Damon: Yeah but you were too absorb with all your suicidal tendencies to notice (He gets up and answers. It's Alaric) Damon: What? Alaric: Sheriff Forbes has officially declared Mason Lockwood a missing person Damon: What? Why? Alaric: Some girl from Florida showed up on the Lockwood's door step looking for Mason Damon: What girl? Alaric: I don't know but she sure got everyone and it's easy Damon: It's not good. Where are you? Alaric: I'm at the grill Damon: I'm on my way (He hangs up and rejoins Elena and Jeremy) Damon: Change of plan. You baby sit (Jeremy lies on Elena's leg) Damon: Hey you know, you should get out, enjoy the sun. Oh wait, you can't (She throws him a cushion. Jeremy laughs. She throws him on the floor) [The Woods] (Caroline stops her car. Tyler gets out and opens the trunk to get his stuff) Caroline: Maybe he just stopped to go surf somewhere. Isn't that Mason's old thing? Tyler: Maybe. This girl just seem to think he would have called Caroline: I'm sure he's okay Tyler: Yeah, anyway... let's do this [Lockwood's mansion] Jules: So you'll call me as soon as you hear anything? Carol: Of course Jules: Oh, i didn't get to say goodbye to your son Carol: I'm afraid he's at the grill with his friends. I'll let him know. Jules... let's hope for the best (Jules leaves. Carol closes the door) (Jules get out of the property with her car. She calls someone with her phone) Jules: Hey, I'm here. No one knows where Mason is. He's missing. You were right, Mason was lying, there's another werewolf. His nephew [Mystic Grill] (Jules arrives at the grill. She intercepts Matt) Jules: Hey, excuse me. Crazy question: do you know Tyler Lockwood? (Alaric and Damon are looking at her) Damon: Mmm, Mason's mystery woman Alaric: Where is Mason anyway? Damon: Decomposing in his truck Alaric: So you think she is a werewolf? Damon: Well I hope not, because it's the full moon, Rick but we should definitely find out (He takes wolfs pain from his pocket) Alaric: What is that? Damon: Wolf's pain [Old Lockwood property] (Tyler is preparing the chains) Caroline: Tell me you brought the instruction menu Tyler: Tell me you brought the wolfs pain Caroline: Yes. Not easy to find (She gives him the wolfs pain. When he touches it, his skin burns) Tyler: I have water bottles in my bag, we can mix it in there (She mixes the wolf pain in the water) Tyler: The guy at the hardware store said was set up to resist 5000 pounds Caroline: Is that more than a werewolf can pull? Tyler: I have no idea Caroline: Hey Tyler, how are you doing? Tyler: Still human (He takes of his shirt) Caroline: Oh my god, you're not getting get naked, are you? Tyler: It's elastic. What should I wear? I don't think it's like the hulk, I can keep my pants [Jonas and Luka's apartment] (Bonnie knocks on the door. Luka opens it) Bonnie: Hi (She shows him his necklace. He takes it) Luka: I don't know what makes me more upset: that i showed you how to channel or that you almost killed me Bonnie: Luka, I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have done what i did unless it was really important. It's just that there are things that i... Luka: I forgive you (She enters the house. They sit down. There are a lot of books on the table) Bonnie: Wow. So much stuff. What is that? Is this a grimoire? Luka: They're all grimoires Bonnie: How did you get all these? Luka: Witches from all over the world have collected their spells in grimoires but over the centuries, most of them gotten lost and my dad is obsessed finding them, making sure that our family's heritage stays intact Bonnie: This can't all be your family's Luka: Well how he sees it all, witches are family. We're all bounded together by code of loyalty to help each other Bonnie: So that's why you've been so nice to me Luka: That's one reason Bonnie: Listen... do you know how to break the bind between a talisman and a spell? Luka: That depends because spells are unique and very specific but I'm sure we can figure it out [Mystic Grill] (Jules is alone at the bar. Alaric rejoins her with a drink. He's pretending to be drunk) Alaric: Well hello. Can I have a scotch and what this beautiful woman is drinking Jules: No, one is my limit Alaric: Oh come on, it's not like I'm a freak. I'm just friendly to somebody who's knew to town Jules: Okay, if you insist. How do you know I'm new? Alaric: Because I've never seen you here before and i am here every night (Damon arrives) Damon: Excuse me, is this guy bothering you? Alaric: I'm not bothering anybody Damon: Perfect. Well.... Do it elsewhere (Alaric looks at them) Damon: Don't worry, he's harmless. He's the town drunk you know (While Damon is talking with her, Alaric puts wolfs pain in her glass) Alaric: Please don't talk about me like I'm not here (He gives the glass to Jules) Damon: Why are you here? Jules: Thank you for the drink (Alaric raises his glass and leaves) [The tomb] (Stefan is laying on a bed. Katherine is looking at him) Katherine: So we're fasting now? We're so piece. How long have you actually gone without blood? I know you get desiccated in theory, Stefan but in reality, it's much worse. Your heart still beats, struggling to pomp whatever blood remains. When it's gone, your veins rub together like sent paper. It's excruciating (He gets up) Stefan: The pleasure of watching you suffer is greatest than any pain I'll ever feel Katherine: It's stuffy and I've been in this dress for days. You want to help me get out of it? Come on, Stefan. Don't be such a grump. (She takes off her dress) Katherine: We're here together. Please make the best out of it (She's in her underwear) Katherine: You really think Damon is gonna rush to get you out? He's got what he wants: Elena Stefan: Stop Katherine: Given what is mastery gone out there, I'd say you're free to do whatever you want in here. Nobody will ever know (She kisses him. She takes off his shirt. He pushes her against the wall and kisses her. Suddenly he wakes up and looks at Katherine) Stefan: Stay out of my head Katherine: Maybe i can do eternity in here after all [Gilbert's house] (Elena is going down the stairs and finds Jenna searching in the closet) Elena: Hey, what are you doing? Jenna: Perfect timing (She gives her a box) Elena: What is this stuff? Jenna: You mom's file from the historical society. I got roped into helping Mrs. Lockwood and by roped, I mean very excited to participate (She closes the closet door. Elijah's here. Elena is very surprised with fear. He's looking at her) Elijah: Hey, I'm Elijah Jenna: Elijah is in town doing research on Mystic Falls (He gets closer to Elena) Elijah: It's a pleasure (They shake their hands) Jenna: So you're welcome to stay here and ramage through this stuff or Elena and i could help you load it into our car Elijah: Or i can get someone to pick it up tomorrow Jenna: Also a good plan Elijah: Thank you so much for inviting me into your home, Jenna and Elena... (He looks at her) Elijah: I hope to see you again sometime soon (He leaves. Elena rushes toward Jeremy's bedroom. She knocks on the door but Elijah catches his wrist. Jeremy opens the door. Elijah hide) Jeremy: What is it? Elena: Jenna was just asking me to get you help her with the boxes Jeremy: Okay (He leaves. Elijah is looking at Elena) Elijah: It's a wise choice Elena: What do you want? Elijah: I think it's time you and i have a little chat [Mystic grill] (Damon is still at the bar with Jules) Damon: There's a b&b on the road and there's a motel on the I9 but you know, if you ask me, it's kind of a mistake Jules: No it's fine. I'm just here for the night. It's a long story, looking for my friend Damon: Who? Jules: Mason Lockwood Damon: I know Mason Jules: You do? Damon: Yeah. He's a great guy Jules: He's missing Damon: What do you mean? Like... I mean, missing, missing? Jules: How do you know Mason? Damon: Friend of friends (She doesn't drink. Damon looks at Alaric) [Old Lockwood property] (Tyler is shirtless. All chained up) Tyler: What time is it? Caroline: Almost 8. What time does the moon cross whatever? Tyler: Not for a while. Mason's journal said the first transformation can happen before the moon it's at his highest Caroline: Does it say how long you'll actually be a wolf? Tyler: A few hours. Maybe more maybe less (He tries to sit down next to her but he can't because of the chains. He takes the bottle with the wolfs pain) Caroline: Are you sure you want to do that? Tyler: Yeah. Mason said it'll diminish my strength so I can't break free (He drinks but he's about to vomit. He falls on the floor. She gets closer to him) Caroline: Tyler... (She touches his back) Tyler: No Caroline: Shut... Tyler: Don't! (They look at each other) Tyler: I'm sorry (She touches his face) [SCENE_BREAK] [Gilbert's house] (Elijah and Elena are in her room) Elijah: Forgive the intrusion. I mean your family no harm Elena: Why did you kill those vampires when they tried to take me? Elijah: Because i didn't want you to be taken. Klaus is the most feared and hated of the originals but those who fear him are desperate for his approval. If the word gets out that the doppelganger exist there'll be a line of vampires eager to take you to him and i can't have that Elena: Isn't that exactly what you're trying to do? Elijah: Let's just say that my goal is not to break the curse Elena: So what is your goal? Elijah: Klaus's obsession has made him paranoid. He's a recluse. He trust only those in his immediately circle Elena: Like you? Elijah: Not anymore Elena: You don't know where he is, do you? So you're trying to use me to dry him out Elijah: Well, to do that I need you to stay put and stop trying to get yourself killed Elena: How do i know you're telling the truth? Elijah: If I wasn't being trustful, your family would be dead and I'd be taking you to Klaus right now. Instead, I'm here and I'm preparing to offer you a deal Elena: What kind of a deal? Elijah: Do nothing. Do nothing, leave your life, stop fighting and then, when the time is right, you and i should drop Klaus to get out and I should make sure your friends remain unharmed Elena: And then what? Elijah: Then I kill him Elena: Just like that? Elijah: Just like that. I'm a man of my word, Elena. I make a deal, I keep a deal Elena: How are you gonna be able to keep everybody safe? Elijah: I notice you have a friend Bonnie, is it? She seems to possess the gift of magic. I have friends with similar gifts Elena: You know witches Elijah: Together we can protect you and everybody that matters to you. So do we have a deal? Elena: I need you to do one more thing for me Elijah: you're negotiating now? [A roof] (Bonnie is lighting candles. Luka is looking at a grimoire) Luka: You know, this is good. This is really good. There's a clear view of the moon and it's private Bonnie: And if anyone looks out, they're gonna think we're insane Luka: Are we? So what is this mysterious talisman we're binding? (She shows him the moonstone. He takes it) Luka: Oh, a white rock. This is fascinating Bonnie: Hey! I know it doesn't look like much... Luka: What's spelled with? (She doesn't say anything) Luka: Really? Help a girl out, she still keeps secrets Bonnie: Sorry Luka: I'm just teasing you (He puts the stone in her hand and holds it. They close their eyes and cast a spell. The stone flies and explodes) [Old Lockwood property] (Tyler is in pain. He tries to removes the chain but Caroline is here) Caroline: Tyler... (He cries) Tyler: I'm burning up. It burns! Caroline: I know. Just breathe, okay? Tyler: I'm trying. You should go. You should leave Caroline: Not yet (He screams. His bones are breaking. Caroline screams too. He cries) Tyler: It hurts. It hurts [Mystic Grill] (Damon is still at the bar with Jules) Damon: You know, I'm really tied with the sheriff. If there anything I can do to help looking Mason, I will. He's a great guy and after his brother's funeral, he stuck around and he helped his nephew and... Jules: Tyler? Damon: Yep. Mason was with him the whole time. Helped him with all that grief. You haven't touched your drink Jules: You know, I'm not much of a drinker. I should get going Damon: Oh, come on. Look, one drink Jules: It'll help me sleep Damon: To sleep (She sniffs the glass and puts it on the bar) Jules: You fool. You think you're clever, don't you? Damon: What do you want with Mason Lockwood? Jules: He's my friend Damon: Well, I'm sorry to inform you that you probably won't find him Jules: And why not? Damon: You should leave town Jules: You're threatening me? On a full moon. How stupid are you? (Alaric arrives) Alaric: How about that second round? Damon: I think we're done, Rick (He looks at Jules) Damon: You think i'm afraid of you? Jules: No, i don't. That's your vampire arrogance. You should be. I sniffed you out the moment you entered this bar along with your pathetic wolfs pain. I had this a long time and any other night of the month, the situation would be reversed but tonight is not the night to pick a fight with me. You've been marked (She leaves. Damon looks at Alaric) [Old Lockwood property] (Tyler is on the floor. Caroline is next to him. She's looking at him) Caroline: I want to help but I don't know what to do Tyler: There's nothing you can do (He gets up. His bones and his spine are breaking. He screams. Caroline cries) Tyler: Get out Caroline: No Tyler: Get out! I don't want to hurt you Caroline: No, no (She goes closer to him. She embraces him) [Mystic Grill] (Damon and Alaric gets out) Damon: Where is she? Alaric: Just let her go, Damon. Don't be stupid Damon: So what? Just let her get away? You've been marked What the hell kind of wolf flow down crap is that anyway? Alaric: Damon, look up! Just look up. (He looks at the sky. It's the full moon) Alaric: If this werewolf stuff is true, one bite and you're dead. One bite! Alright? Don't risk it. Just go home, lock your doors and we'll deal with it in the morning Damon: Yeah (He leaves) [Old Lockwood property] (Tyler is still on the floor. His eyes are closed. Caroline is with him. She embraces him) Caroline: It's okay. You'll fight it, okay? Tyler: Leave Caroline: No Tyler: Just go, please! Caroline: No, not yet Tyler: Just go! Caroline: I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere (Suddenly he screams. His bones are breaking. His eyes are yellow and his fangs are out. She leaves him. He gets up and looks everywhere around him. She closes the door. Tyler rushes over her. He removes his chains. She leaves and she's crying. Tyler screams. Caroline is still behind the door. She's crying. Tyler's transformation is over. He's a wolf. Caroline gets up because she doesn't hear anything now but suddenly Tyler tries to break the door. She leaves and goes in the woods) [Salvatore's house] (Damon arrives at the house. He locks the door. He goes in the library and sees Rose) Damon: You just can't stay away, can you? Rose: You don't answer your phone Damon: What do you want? Rose: I wanted to apologize Damon: Just admit it, you don't have anywhere else to go Rose: I'm sorry about Elena. I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't know she had a death wish but I called you, I tried to make it right, okay? I'm sorry, Damon and I have nowhere else to go Damon: There's nothing for you here, Rose Rose: Well, then... (They here a noise? They go in the living room. The window is broken. A wolf is there. Damon has a crown in hs hands. The wolf jumps on Rose and bites her. Damon hurts the wolf. He leaves) Damon: How bad is it? Rose: It hurts Damon: It's healing Rose: oh my god, I thought a werewolf bite was fatal and I thought... (She's crying. Damon embraces her) [Jonas and Lukas's apartment] (Luka arrives. Jonas is here) Jonas: You were successful? Luka: Of course I was. She fell for the whole... show and didn't suspect a thing (He puts the moonstone on the desk. Jonas takes it) Jonas: Thank you, Luka Luka: Yeah, whatever. I'm going to sleep Jonas: Wait. There's one more thing Elijah needs us to do before we lose the full moon [The tomb] Katherine: Are we seriously not going to talk at all? Stefan: We could talk about how you regret all you've done to make my life miserable Katherine: What do you want me to say, Stefan? That I'm sorry for everything that I've done? Well I'm not, okay? It's called self preservation. I've been looking out for myself for 500 years Stefan: Look were it has gotten you Katherine: Yes, I've done terrible things. I know that but I do love you, Stefan. Even if you don't believe it Stefan: You want me to believe you? Show me. Do something. Prove to me that there's something inside of you that's actually worst Katherine: And then what? You'll still hate me Stefan: Maybe and maybe I'll see that there's still hope for you after all Katherine: You're playing me Stefan: Am I? Katherine: You want to find Klaus? Kill him so that you can protect your precious Elena? Stefan: Let me guess: you know where he is Katherine: No, I don't but I could help you find him Stefan: For a price I'm sure Katherine: Let's start with Isobel, Elena's mother. She was a research expert. She found me (They look at each other) Katherine: You're welcome (They hear that the door is being opened. They look at each other and go in front of the door. They see Elijah. Katherine is surprised and frightened) Katherine: Elijah Elijah: Good evening Katerina. Thank you for having the good sense to be frightened (He looks at Stefan) Elijah: Your release has been requested Stefan: What? By who? Elijah: The lovely Elena drives a hard bargain. however we reached a peaceful agreement, she and I. Please (He shows that he can go out) Elijah: Come Stefan: I can't Elijah: Yes you can. I've had the spell lifted (Stefan gets out slowly. Once he's out, Katherine rushes to get out but she can't because of the spell. Elijah rushes over her and compels her) Elijah: As for you however, you should not exit until I say so. When Klaus comes he'll want to know exactly where you are (He looks at Stefan) Elijah: You're free to go. Elena will explain the arrangement to you. If she keeps her world, I'll keep mine (He leaves) Katherine: Stefan, no. please don't let him leave me in here Stefan: Goodbye Katherine (He looks at her and leaves) [The woods] (Caroline is alone. She finally goes into the old Lockwood property to see if Tyler is better. She goes into the cellar. Tyler is normal again and he's laying on the floor. She rushes over him and puts a jacket on his shoulder) Caroline: Are you okay? You made it. You didn't get out. You're okay (He's crying) Tyler: No, I'm not (She embraces him) [Gilbert's house] (Elena is in her bedroom. Stefan arrives. She smiles when she sees him and rushes over him. They embrace each other. They look at each other, smile and kiss) [Salvatore's house] (Damon is sitting on the couch. Rose rejoins him) Damon: I talked to Caroline. She said Tyler was all locked up Rose: So it was Jules. The other werewolf, the one who attacked you Damon: Yeah. I'm sorry. I picked a fight with her. She was coming after me Rose: All's well that ends well Damon: You're all healed? Rose: Yeah. Seems that way Damon: Rose... I'm happy that the legend was fake. Maybe the werewolf made it out to keep vampires away Rose: Lucky me (He touches her thigh) Rose: I'm gonna stay and help you Damon: Help me do what? Rose: Save Elena, protect Elena, all things Elena Damon: Really? Why? Rose: Because I like you. I believe in friendship. I happen to have a vacancy in that department and you can use all the friends you can get Damon: Just friends? Rose: Just friends (She gets up but he catches her arms and kisses her) Damon: Are you sure you can do that? Rose: I don't love men who love other women. I think more of myself but it doesn't mean I can't be your special friend (They laughs) Damon: I think I like you (They kiss. She looks at her shoulder) Rose: Woo (He looks at her shoulder. It's hurt because of Jules's bite)

As the full moon approaches, Caroline helps Tyler prepare for his transformation. Stefan asks Katherine to prove that there is good in her, and she advises him to ask Isobel for help in finding Klaus. Bonnie seeks Luka's help to destroy the moonstone; they cast a spell, but Luka gives the moonstone to his father. Jules, a friend of Mason, arrives in Mystic Falls looking for him. Damon and Alaric try to trick her into having a drink mixed with wolfsbane . She reveals that she is a werewolf and tells Damon that he has been marked. Elijah makes a deal with Elena: she has to keep herself safe from Klaus (so that Elijah can use her as bait to kill Klaus) and in return, Elijah will protect her friends and family and free Stefan from the tomb. Caroline reunites with Tyler. At the Salvatore mansion, Jules, in wolf form, tries to attack Damon but instead bites Rose's shoulder, which becomes infected.

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x02

fd_Doctor_Who_1963_07x02_0

SPEARHEAD FROM SPACE BY: ROBERT HOLMES 5:15pm - 5:40pm [SCENE_BREAK] 1: EXT. OXLEY WOOD (As the DOCTOR comes into view, a single shot fires and the DOCTOR clutches his head...) CAPTAIN MUNRO: Stop! Stop firing, you fool! (...and falls to the ground.) (CAPTAIN MUNRO pushes his way through the bushes and comes across the two nervous soldiers over the still body of the DOCTOR. He runs to examine him, turning him over to feel his heart.) CAPTAIN MUNRO: What happened? CORPORAL FORBES: Gave us no warning, sir. CAPTAIN MUNRO: How could he with his mouth taped? CORPORAL FORBES: Is he dead, sir? [SCENE_BREAK] 2: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. WARD (The same question is asked later by the BRIGADIER and answered by DR. HENDERSON when the DOCTOR is back in the ward, connected to an EEG machine. CAPTAIN MUNRO is also there.) DR. HENDERSON: No... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Unconscious? (HENDERSON is looking over the EEG printout.) DR. HENDERSON: Yes, he's more unconscious than anyone I've ever seen. Have a look at this EEG. (The BRIGADIER comes round the bed to join HENDERSON.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: EEG? DR. HENDERSON: This machine registers the electrical activity of the brain. (He passes the print out to the BRIGADIER.) DR. HENDERSON: Normally the line fluctuates considerably...even when the patient is unconscious. (The BRIGADIER passes the printout to MUNRO.) CAPTAIN MUNRO: Not a lot going on, is there? DR. HENDERSON: Nothing whatsoever. Completely passive. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Perhaps that bullet did more damage than you suspected? DR. HENDERSON: No, it only caused a slight burn on the scalp. It couldn't possibly account for this condition. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Then what is the cause? Could it be shock? DR. HENDERSON: Could be, but I doubt it. No, he's is such a deep coma that I'd say it was... (DR. HENDERSON pauses as though embarrassed.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Is what? DR. HENDERSON: Self-induced. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Is that possible? DR. HENDERSON: For you or for me, no. (HENDERSON takes the print out from MUNRO and sits at the table.) DR. HENDERSON: But we're dealing here with a completely alien physiology. All I can do is guess. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, is it safe to move him? DR. HENDERSON: I honestly don't know, but I'd advise against it. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Hmm. Oh, very well. You'll keep me informed of any change in his condition? DR. HENDERSON: Yes, of course. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Thank you. (The BRIGADIER and MUNRO start to leave.) DR. HENDERSON: Oh, by the way... BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes? (HENDERSON holds up the TARDIS key.) DR. HENDERSON: We found this in his hand when he was brought in. We had to prise his fingers open. He was really hanging on to it. [SCENE_BREAK] 3: EXT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. TERRACE (The BRIGADIER and MUNRO walk in the sunshine along a balustrade terrace outside the hospital.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: The police box is on its way back to headquarters, so you can double the guard here. CAPTAIN MUNRO: Very good, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Where's this meteorite your chaps found? CAPTAIN MUNRO: Here we are, sir. (They have reached a point where a UNIT soldier stands guard over an ammunition box. MUNRO picks it up and places it on top of the balustrade and opens it up. He takes out a shard of a plastic looking material.) CAPTAIN MUNRO: It's all we could find, sir. It must have broken up when it hit the ground. (He passes the piece to the BRIGADIER who weighs it in his hand.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: It's light, very light. CAPTAIN MUNRO: Mmm. Is it some sort of plastic, sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes, possibly. I'll take it back with me. Have it taken to my car, will you? CAPTAIN MUNRO: Yes, sir. (To the soldier.) Hawkins. (He looks at the soldier to carry out the order and they carry on their walk.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Keep a twenty-four hour guard. It's possible these people might try again. CAPTAIN MUNRO: Right, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: What puzzle me is why they should want to abduct the Doctor. CAPTAIN MUNRO: Could he be tied up with them in any way, sir? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes, it's possible. Anyone get a good look at them? CAPTAIN MUNRO: I have a picture of one of them, sir. (MUNRO reaches into his uniform jacket pocket and pulls out a black and white photograph.) CAPTAIN MUNRO: He was here earlier posing as a reporter. (MUNRO shows him the photograph. It was taken when the press ambushed the BRIGADIER in the hospital foyer and shows the intense-looking man stood behind the BRIGADIER'S shoulder.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: How did you get this? CAPTAIN MUNRO: I made a check on all the pressmen, sir. One of the photographers took this shot when you arrived with Miss Shaw - and two of the nurses saw this man leading the raiding party. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: What about the others? CAPTAIN MUNRO: I only got a glimpse of them, sir. There was something...something odd about their faces... [SCENE_BREAK] 4: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. FACTORY FLOOR (A steel frame of hideous, freshly moulded dolls heads move along the factory floor. Liquid plastic is squirted into moulds for more of the heads and factory workers pull out an assortment of limbs ready to assemble the finished toys. A suited man - RANSOME - is escorted across the factory floor by a silent young blond-haired secretary. He observes with interest as female factory workers sit as their tables and insert eyes into the heads and sew hair onto them. Eyelashes are added to each doll and so the process goes on. The man continues behind his escort as a radio blares out across the factory floor playing Fleetwood Macs "Oh Well, Part 1". The man then walks past a conveyor belt of finished but undressed dolls. [SCENE_BREAK] 5: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MACHINE ROOM (The secretary leads him through a room filled with pipes and boilers. The secretary remains quiet and cold and she has a strange shine to her face. RANSOM looks round.) RANSOME: There are a lot of changes. And you're new, aren't new? (The secretary doesn't answer but turns and walks on. RANSOM pulls a rueful face and follows.) [SCENE_BREAK] 6: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. OFFICE LANDING (The secretary leads RANSOM up a flight of steps into a green painted corridor. At the top of the steps is a door with two red lettered signs, one of which reads "OUT OF BOUNDS" and the other which states "SECURITY SECTOR". The silent secretary walks past it but RANSOM stops.) RANSOME: That's my workshop - or rather, it was. What the devil's been going on here? (The shiny-faced secretary again doesn't answer but walks on towards the office area. RANSOM follows. As he goes, another figure walks quietly up the stairs and watches him go - the intense man from the hospital.) [SCENE_BREAK] 7: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MANAGING DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (The MD of the factory - HIBBERT - sits at his desk. The shelves of the office contain a variety of finished box dolls as well as the usual assortment of box files and other office paraphernalia. HIBBERT is on the phone.) HIBBERT: (Into phone.) Yes, send him in. (He puts the phone down and an angry RANSOM walks in. HIBBERT is warm and friendly.) HIBBERT: John, come in! We weren't expecting you. RANSOME: Weren't you? (He pulls a letter out of his jacket pocket and throws it on the desk.) RANSOME: What's all this about? HIBBERT: The letter explains everything. RANSOME: It explains nothing! Look... (He pulls a doll from one of the shelves.) RANSOME: When I invented this doll, you promised me full backing. You sent me to the States to interest the Americans in joint production. You said, that if it all worked out, then you'd make me a partner. (He pulls a sheaf of papers out of his briefcase.) RANSOME: Well, here it all is. Agreements ready to sign, advance orders, the lot. And what do I find on the mat when I get home? A letter giving me the push! Look, we worked on this project together. Well, you helped me finish the designs. Now you've put the chop on it just like that! For heaven's sake, George, you owe me some sort of an explanation. (An uncomfortable HIBBERT stands up and walks round the desk.) HIBBERT: It's a...i...i...it's the new policy. We've, er, got a new policy. RANSOME: What's happened to this place? Most of the staff gone, security notices everywhere... HIBBERT: We're developing a new process. It's all...very secret. We've, er, changed everything. (He looks at the office door with an element of fear on his face...) RANSOME: I'll say you have! The whole layout of the factory floor is different. Yeah, and my workshop, what's in there now? (HIBBERT turns and looks at RANSOME, this time with real fear on his face.) HIBBERT: Stay away from there, John. RANSOME: But what about my equipment? HIBBERT: We'll...we'll send it to you. RANSOME: Just like that? HIBBERT: I don't think you should've come here, John. You must go away...at once. It's not safe. RANSOME: What's the matter? You keeping saying "we". (HIBBERT puts a hand to the back of his neck.) RANSOME: "We've got a new policy" Well, who is "we"? (The man from the hospital enters the room, staring at the back of HIBBERT'S neck. The MD himself adopts a colder, more robotic tone to his voice.) HIBBERT: There's no point in going on with this, Mr. Ransome. Goodbye. (Like an automaton, he goes back to his desk and sits down. The other man turns his gaze to RANSOME but he is not put off and turns back to HIBBERT.) RANSOME: Look, if there's anything wrong, perhaps I can help you? HIBBERT: There's nothing wrong. My letter explained everything. Goodbye. (RANSOME picks up his papers, puts them in his briefcase and leaves, with him and the intense man giving each other one last look. After RANSOME has gone, he transfers his gaze back to HIBBERT who sits at his desk, staring into space.) [SCENE_BREAK] 8: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. OFFICE LANDING (RANSOME stalks down the landing. As he reaches the door to his old workshop, he looks round and then tries the handle. Further down the landing, the door to HIBBERT'S office opens and the intense man looks out. RANSOME sees that he is being watched and walks down the stairs.) [SCENE_BREAK] 9: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (A laboratory has been hastily cobbled together in a large spare room in UNIT HQ; nevertheless, it is full of equipment, including a series of chemical equipment which LIZ, dressed in a white lab coat, is assembling. The BRIGADIER is also there, but somewhat unwelcome.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Am I interrupting? LIZ: Yes. (The BRIGADIER gives her a look.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Getting on all right? LIZ: (Disinterested.) Fine, just fine. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Sorry about the makeshift conditions here, but we had to set this lab up for you in rather a hurry. (LIZ is not really listening as she goes about her work.) LIZ: Fine, just fine. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Found out what it's made of? LIZ: No, but it isn't a meteorite. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: You've established that much? LIZ: Meteorites are the debris from comets. (LIZ holds up the shard of material that MUNRO and his men found.) LIZ: This has been manufactured. (She places it in a chemical solution.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: And it comes from space? LIZ: Er, there are some faint traces of heat fusion. Well, it's possible. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Still sceptical? LIZ: (Archly.) Of course. I deal with facts, not science fiction ideas. (She walks round the lab table and stirs another solution as a slightly annoyed BRIGADIER follows.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Miss Shaw, I'm not a fool, I don't chase shadows. What you don't understand is that there might...there is a remote possibility that outside your cosy little world other things could exist. LIZ: No need to get tetchy. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, sometimes you can be very aggravating. (He moves off.) LIZ: Me? What about you? (She smiles as she mercilessly lampoons the BRIGADIER.) LIZ: You really believe in a man who's helped to save the world twice? With the power to transform his physical appearance? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Defensively.) I'm not sure yet. It may not be the same man. LIZ: An alien who travels through time and space in a police box? [SCENE_BREAK] 10: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MANAGING DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (At the plastics factory, HIBBERT is starting to lose his nerve...) HIBBERT: It's all becoming difficult! (He looks at the intense man - CHANNING.) CHANNING: All you have to do is to continue running the factory as though nothing had changed. That is your sole concern, Hibbert. Do you understand. (He stares closely at HIBBERT who again assumes a controlled manner.) HIBBERT: I understand. CHANNING: Good. Two energy units are still missing. HIBBERT: Do you think the stranger at the hospital has found one of them? CHANNING: It's possible but it is dangerous to go near him again. HIBBERT: Then what can you do? CHANNING: The units may have embedded themselves in soft ground. That would account for the fact that their signals are no longer being received. HIBBERT: How will you locate them then? CHANNING: They will increase their pulsation signals. HIBBERT: (Nervously.) You...talk about these energy units a...a...as though they were living things. CHANNING: All energy is a form of life. [SCENE_BREAK] 11: EXT. SEELEY'S COTTAGE (SEELEY, the poacher, is at the back of his little thatched cottage. He pulls a large metal trunk out of a small brick out-house. He unfastens it and opens the lid. Immediately, the pulsing signal of the meteorite he found is heard. He pulls back a blanket and the pulsing red globe is revealed.) [SCENE_BREAK] 12: EXT. OXLEY WOOD (In the woods, a strange figure comes to life. Dressed in a blue boiler suit and scarf, its face is cold and plastic, the head is hairless and its movements are stiff and formal. It turns to face the signal from the globe and moves off.) [SCENE_BREAK] 13: EXT. SEELEY'S COTTAGE (SEELEY is looking at his treasured "thunderball" when he hears a woman's voice coming from inside the cottage...) MEG: (OOV: Inside cottage.) Sam, are you in yet? (SEELEY jumps in alarm, knocking down the lid of the trunk in a panic. With no time to do anything else, he hastily puts the globe in the out-house and pulls the door shut as his wife - MEG - comes out of the cottage. She is a large middle-aged woman dressed in a coat and scarf.) MEG: What are you doing out there? (She walks up to her husband.) MEG: Why didn't you answer me? SEELEY: Never heard you come in. MEG: What you doing with that old box? SEELEY: Nothing. MEG: Sam Seeley, you've not been thieving again, have yer? 'Cause if you have... SEELEY: Oh, that's nice, innit eh? Accusing your own husband! (MEG gives a snort and opens the trunk. She sees that it is empty of all but the old blanket.) SEELEY: Satisfied? (MEG sniffs.) SEELEY: Now go and get me some grub, woman. I'm hungry! MEG: You watch your tongue! And don't think I'm gonna have that dirty old box in my house. (SEELEY watches her walk back to the cottage and shut the door. Immediately, he opens the out-house and then pulls back the blanket in the trunk, ready to put the globe back. Behind him, MEG comes back out of the cottage. SEELEY turns and barks...) SEELEY: What are you staring at, woman? (She goes back in and SEELEY quickly puts the globe back in the trunk, slamming the heavy lid shut.) [SCENE_BREAK] 14: EXT. OXLEY WOOD (The walking figure in the woods comes to a halt, looking round for the lost signal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 15: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (The TARDIS has been placed in the laboratory. The BRIGADIER stares at it as LIZ continues her own work whilst riling him.) LIZ: Now, all you have to do is to borrow a key from the Police. (The BRIGADIER holds up a yale key.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I've got the key here. Henderson found it in the Doctor's hand. (A tannoy on a nearby bench buzzes. The BRIGADIER goes over and presses the button.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into tannoy.) Yes? UNIT SOLDIER: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Major General Scobie to see you, sir. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (To himself.) Scobie? Well, what on Earth...? (Into tannoy.) All right, show him up. (The BRIGADIER goes over to LIZ.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: He's our liaison with the regular army. Got to keep in with him. (The BRIGADIER walks over to the doorway.) LIZ: You don't expect me to salute him, I hope? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: You could bring yourself to be a little less astringent, Miss Shaw. LIZ: I didn't ask to come here, remember? (A soldier escorts MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE, a slim gruff elderly moustached soldier, into the laboratory.) MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: (To the soldier.) Ah, thank you, thank you. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Ah, sir. (The soldier leaves.) MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Oh, sorry to interrupt, Stewart. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Worry not, sir. Always a pleasure to see you. MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Oh, this, er, meteorite operation - any further? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Not much, I'm afraid. We found the fragments of one though, sir. Miss Shaw is studying them. (He gestures to LIZ and they walk over to her as the BRIGADIER introduces them.) MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Ah. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Oh, Miss Shaw, General Scobie. (LIZ shakes hands warmly.) LIZ: How do you do. MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Ah, how do you do. (To the BRIGADIER.) Lucky fellow, Stewart, having a pretty face, er, around the place. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: She's not just a pretty face, sir. (LIZ is not pleased at the comment...) MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Oh, no, no. Newspapers seem to have gone wild over this business. (He suddenly spots the TARDIS.) MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Dear chap, (Laughs.) What are you doing with a police box? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, sir... LIZ: (Interrupts.) Camouflage, General. It's not really a police box. It's a spaceship. (SCOBIE'S smile vanishes...) [SCENE_BREAK] 16: EXT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL (In the car park of the hospital, CORPORAL FORBES is looking over a red 1920's Vauxhall 30/98 classic car when CAPTAIN MUNRO drives up in a jeep.) CAPTAIN MUNRO: Where did that old crate come from? CORPORAL FORBES: It belongs to some hospital bigwig, sir. Just arrived. Made me promise to keep an eye on it. CAPTAIN MUNRO: Never mind that. Hop in, Corporal. CORPORAL FORBES: Yes, sir. CAPTAIN MUNRO: Hurry man! Section three have turned up one of these meteorites. (FORBES runs to climb into the jeep.) [SCENE_BREAK] 17: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. PASSAGE (A white smocked figure peeps round the corner of the passage and seeing that the way is clear starts to make his way down it. It is the DOCTOR, still with a plaster on his forehead, who stops dead when he hears the voices of two men approaching.) DR. HENDERSON: (OOV.) Good journey down, sir? (The DOCTOR looks round. He is outside a door marked "DOCTORS ONLY".) DR. BEAVIS: (OOV.) Terrible! You know, there's no room for a decent car on the roads these days. (Deciding that the sign on the door applies to him, he shoots in the room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 18: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S CHANGING ROOM (He is in a changing room full of clothes on hangers and a locker. He looks inside but sees that it is too small to conceal him. He moves on to the next room.) [SCENE_BREAK] 19: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S BATHROOM (It is a bathroom. He looks round and sees an ornate Victorian shower with a pipe arrangement that almost surrounds the bather topped by a crown affair from which the water comes. The DOCTOR grins in delight.) [SCENE_BREAK] 20: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. PASSAGE (HENDERSON and his guest reach the door marked "DOCTORS ONLY". The man with HENDERSON is the consultant, DR. BEAVIS. Over his suit, he wears a red-silk lined cloak and hat.) DR. BEAVIS: What are all those toy soldiers playing at? DR. HENDERSON: They found the patient, sir. (He opens the door for BEAVIS and they walk through.) DR. BEAVIS: Shot him, eh? DR. HENDERSON: (Uncomfortably.) Yes. (HENDERSON shuts the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 21: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S BATHROOM (The two doctors enter the bathroom.) DR. HENDERSON: Yes, it was rather unfortunate. (BEAVIS hands him his hat and starts to take his cloak off. From the shower comes some extemporised and off-key singing. The man in the shower, wearing a blue shower cap, glances round and hastily turns back - it is the DOCTOR.) DR. BEAVIS: I left my car down at the main entrance. They won't go...crashing about with guns or anything like that, will they? (As the DOCTOR continues to "sing" and shoot them careful glances, BEAVIS starts to wash his hands in the sink.) DR. HENDERSON: No, sir, I'm sure it'll be all right. (BEAVIS dries his hands. HENDERSON looks briefly over at the DOCTOR but doesn't recognise him.) DR. HENDERSON: Perhaps you'd care to come to my office and have a look at the patient's records before you examine him. DR. BEAVIS: Mmm, good idea. I could do with a cup of tea, too. DR. HENDERSON: Yes. (The two doctors glance briefly at the third in the shower, who is still making a cacophony of noise, and leave the room. Immediately they have gone, the DOCTOR switches off the shower, wraps a towel round himself and heads for the door. He grabs a white frilly shirt off a hanger on the back of the door and throws off the shower cap. He leaves the room having checked the coast is clear.) [SCENE_BREAK] 22: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S CHANGING ROOM (He finds a second towel and rubs himself down and then pulls some black trousers off a wooden hanger.) [SCENE_BREAK] 23: EXT. OXLEY WOOD (Watched by FORBES, two UNIT soldiers dig into the wet soil of the woods. After a moment, they unearth a complete flashing and signalling sphere. One of the soldiers starts to push away the clinging soil.) [SCENE_BREAK] 24: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF OXLEY WOOD (The boiler-suited figure in the woods comes to life again and starts to clump through the ferns and bracken, following the signal.) [SCENE_BREAK] 25: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S BATHROOM (Back in the bathroom, the DOCTOR has changed into a collection of clothes from the changing room. He wears the trousers, frilly shirt and elaborate silk tie. He puts on DR. BEAVIS'S red-silk lined cloak and is about to leave the room when he spots a flat cap on the back of the door. He tries this on but doesn't like the result in the mirror. He swaps it for BEAVIS'S rakish hat and, far happier with the result, heads out.) [SCENE_BREAK] 26: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. DOCTOR'S CHANGING ROOM (He goes through the changing room, momentarily divesting himself of the hat.) [SCENE_BREAK] 27: INT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL. PASSAGE (...but stops dead in the doorway out of the changing room as he hears HENDERSON and his guest approaching.) DR. HENDERSON: ...be an error in that report. (The DOCTOR shoots back into the changing room and the two doctors walk past.) DR. HENDERSON: These anomalies are completely inexplicable. (They head up the passage to the DOCTOR'S ward.) DR. BEAVIS: Well, let's go and see this, er, this freak. I shan't believe it until I see it with me own eyes. (As they head round the corner, the DOCTOR comes out of hiding and watches to make sure they have gone.) DR. HENDERSON: (OOV.) I assure you, sir, that everything I've told you... DR. BEAVIS: (OOV: Interrupting.) All right, all right. Where is he? Where is he? DR. HENDERSON: (OOV.) Through here. (The DOCTOR checks in the other direction and, putting the hat back on low over his eyes, leaves. From further round the passage...) DR. HENDERSON: (OOV.) Nurse! (HENDERSON comes running back round, with BEAVIS close behind him.) DR. BEAVIS: Is this some sort of prank?! Where is this patient? DR. HENDERSON: That's what I'd like to know, sir. Nurse! (BEAVIS, shaking his head, follows HENDERSON.) [SCENE_BREAK] 28: EXT. ASHBRIDGE COTTAGE HOSPITAL (The DOCTOR walks out of the hospital but keeps his nerve as a nurse walks past and deliberately looks the other way. Once she has gone, the DOCTOR runs towards a set of parked cars. He tries the door of a red MG but, finding it locked, moves over to BEAVIS' red Vauxhall. He climbs in and desperately tries to find the 1920's starter switch. He thinks he finds it but it is the horn. Grimacing, he tries again. This time he manages to start to car, adjusts the gears for reverse and shoots forward! He tries again and this time is successful. Finding his way round the cars ancient controls, he drives out of the hospital grounds as fast as the ancient vehicle will take him.) [SCENE_BREAK] 29: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (News of the DOCTOR'S escape has reached the BRIGADIER who is back with LIZ in the UNIT lab. SCOBIE has left.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Oh well, at least he won't get very far. LIZ: You mean, before your men shoot him again? (Having delivered this shot, she moves away from the BRIGADIER.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I don't find that funny! (He walks over to the TARDIS.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Without this machine, the Doctor's stuck. He can't leave Earth. LIZ: You were about to open it? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes. (He takes the key out of his pocket as LIZ delivers another sarcastic comment...) LIZ: I think you should. There might be a policeman locked inside. (He tries the lock but the key won't turn. He takes it out and looks at it.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: That's odd. LIZ: (Smiling.) Wrong key. [SCENE_BREAK] 30: EXT. OXLEY WOOD (FORBES and another soldier, carrying an ammunition box, approach CAPTAIN MUNRO at the jeep. From inside the box, the sphere's signal can be heard.) CAPTAIN MUNRO: Ah ... (MUNRO opens the box and looks at the flashing sphere.) CAPTAIN MUNRO: Weird looking thing. CORPORAL FORBES: Yes, sir. CAPTAIN MUNRO: Get it into the vehicle and back to the UNIT labs right away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 31: EXT. ROAD THROUGH OXLEY WOOD (FORBES drives at speed along a lonely road through the wood. Suddenly, the boiler-suited figure steps out and in the path of the incoming vehicle.) CORPORAL FORBES: Watch out! (He slams his hand down on the horn and swerves off the road but hits a tree. The vehicle spins over. As a dog barks nearby, the plastic-faced figure calmly walks over to the jeep and looks in the driver's seat. Through the smashed and bloodied window, it sees FORBES lying inside. It then moves to the back of the jeep and takes the ammunition box away.) [SCENE_BREAK] 32: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. FACTORY CENTRE (CHANNING stands in a most mysterious room in the restricted area of the factory. Various pieces of almost alien machinery stands in the room, one of which resembles a large tank with a window at one end. Through this can be seen an eye in a mass of red alien flesh. A buzzer sounds and CHANNING crosses the room. Arranged across the back on a small ledge are a number of the boiler-suited figures, all perfectly still. CHANNING walks up to a communications unit, part of which seems to house what looks like a round radar-like scanner. He presses a button.) CHANNING: (Into tannoy.) Yes? HIBBERT: (Over tannoy.) Hibbert. (CHANNING presses a button to open the door to the room and HIBBERT nervously enters, walking down a red metal gangway and down some steps.) HIBBERT: General Scobie will be here soon. CHANNING: I know. I'm almost finished. [SCENE_BREAK] 33: INT. UNIT HQ. GARAGE (The DOCTOR and his stolen vehicle drive into the UNIT garage. The commissionaire sees the strange car and its driver approaching and puts up a hand to stop him. He goes over to the DOCTOR but before he can open his mouth, the DOCTOR says his piece first and angrily...) DOCTOR: All right, all right, I suppose you want to see my pass? Yes, well, I haven't got one. (The commissionaire is about to reply, but...) DOCTOR: And I'm not going to tell you my name, either. (Again the commissionaire tries.) DOCTOR: Now you just tell Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart that I want to see him. (Shouts.) Well, don't just stand there arguing with me, man! Get on with it! (The commissionaire gives up...) [SCENE_BREAK] 34: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY (The BRIGADIER receives the message...) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into tannoy, puzzled.) The Doctor? UNIT SOLDIER: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Yes, sir. He says you know him. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Into tannoy.) Show him up at once. (He switches off the tannoy and turns to LIZ who is still busy at the lab bench.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: How the devil did he find this place? LIZ: Your mystery man with the police box? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Yes. (The DOCTOR enters the lab and the BRIGADIER goes over to him.) DOCTOR: Ah, there you are, my dear fellow. I expect you're wondering how I found you here? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: (Suspiciously.) Yes... (The DOCTOR pulls his sleeve back and reveals a watch-like device on his wrist. It gives off a signalling sound.) DOCTOR: Fortunately I had this with me, you see. It homes on the TARDIS. (He turns and smiles as he sees his ship.) DOCTOR: Oh, there she is. (He goes over and pats it on the side.) DOCTOR: How nice of you to look after her for me. Do you happen to have got the key, by the way? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: I do, but it won't work. DOCTOR: Hah-hah! But it will for me? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Not so fast. I have a lot of questions to ask you. DOCTOR: My dear Brigadier, it's no earthly good asking me a lot of questions. I've lost my memory, you see? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: How do I know that you're not am imposter? DOCTOR: Ah, but you don't, you don't. Only I know that. (The DOCTOR walks across the lab.) DOCTOR: What do you think of my new face, by the way? Mmm? (He sees a mirror inside a box-stand and pulls it up.) DOCTOR: Well, I wasn't too sure about it meself to begin with. But it sort of grows on you. (He starts to pull faces in the mirror.) DOCTOR: Very flexible, you know. Could be useful on the planet Delphon, where they communicate with their eyebrows. (He furiously waggles his eyebrows in the mirror and then turns to the BRIGADIER.) DOCTOR: Well, that's strange - how on earth did I remember that? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: All right, all right, if I accept that you are the Doctor, there are still a lot of things...oh, by the way, this is Miss Shaw. (He gestures to LIZ and the DOCTOR waggles his eyebrows at her and then smiles.) DOCTOR: That's Delphon for "how do you do"! (LIZ laughs and the DOCTOR goes over and shakes hands.) DOCTOR: Delighted, Miss Shaw, delighted. LIZ: What are you a doctor of, by the way? DOCTOR: Practically everything, my dear. (LIZ smiles again as the DOCTOR starts to look over the lab bench.) BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: From what we can gather, you arrived last night in the middle of a shower of meteorites. DOCTOR: Did I really? How terribly exciting. BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Well, objects from space at any rate. You must realise that I can't let you go until I'm sure there's no connection... DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Look, I've no recollection of last night. That's most unfair. How could I... (He suddenly spots the shards of the sphere that LIZ is examining.) DOCTOR: What on earth are these? LIZ: Those are bits of what the Brigadier thought might be a meteorite. (The DOCTOR picks one up and starts to examine it.) DOCTOR: Plastic? LIZ: It's not thermo-plastic and neither is it thermo-setting...and there are no polymer chains. DOCTOR: That's interesting. I wonder what was inside. LIZ: Inside? DOCTOR: Yes, well you can tell from the shape this was a hollow sphere. I should think the space inside was about three thousand cubic centimetres, wouldn't you? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Do I gather you're going to help us, Doctor? DOCTOR: If I do, will you give me the key to the TARDIS? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: Possibly. DOCTOR: Then go away and let Miss Shaw and I get on with our work, there's a good fellow. (LIZ tries to hide a smile. The DOCTOR turns to her.) DOCTOR: Look, do I really have to call you Miss Shaw? LIZ: (Laughs.) No, Liz, just Liz. DOCTOR: Liz - that's much better. (He turns back to the fragments.) DOCTOR: How many of these things actually came down? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: About fifty, as near as we can estimate. DOCTOR: And you found only fragments - no whole ones? BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE-STEWART: One, yes. But there was an accident. It disappeared. DOCTOR: Then the answer to your question's obvious, isn't it? By the time your search party arrived, the rest of these things had been collected. Collected and taken somewhere. The question is, where? [SCENE_BREAK] 35: EXT. AUTO PLASTICS. BACK WALL (RANSOME has returned to the factory but, instead of entering by the front, he is climbing over the back wall. He navigates his way over some barbed wire and drops down on the other side.) [SCENE_BREAK] 36: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MANAGING DIRECTOR'S OFFICE (MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE stands in HIBBERT'S office, next to a crude plastic dummy whose facial shape closely resembles his. SCOBIE looks disappointed.) HIBBERT: I must explain this is only a rough approximation, General. (CHANNING is with the two men.) MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: Yes, it does seem to need a few, er, finishing touches. CHANNING: That is why we asked you here, General. Our measuring techniques are very accurate but the equipment isn't transportable. MAJOR GENERAL SCOBIE: I see. Well, er, I hope it, er, turns out all right. CHANNING: It will, I assure you, General. If you'll come this way. (CHANNING heads for the door.) [SCENE_BREAK] 37: EXT. AUTO PLASTICS. YARD (RANSOME runs through the deserted factory yard. He tries a set of double doors but they seem to be locked. He notices a piece of wood on the ground and uses this to lever the doors open. Checking that he has not been spotted, he enters.) [SCENE_BREAK] 38: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. MACHINE ROOM (He goes through the pipe-filled machine room that the secretary took him through before. He checks that he is not being watched, he sees and picks up a metal crowbar and heads up a metal staircase.) [SCENE_BREAK] 39: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. OFFICE LANDING (It brings him to the office landing. Again he checks that he has not been seen and then tries the door to his old workshop. Finding it is locked, he starts to work on it with the crowbar.) [SCENE_BREAK] 40: INT. AUTO PLASTICS. FACTORY CENTRE (The factory centre is deserted. The silent still boiler-suited figures stand against the back wall. RANSOME levers the door open and enters the strange room. He silently creeps round, looking over the alien machinery. He puts the crowbar down and walks over to the set of figures on their ledge, looking at them in puzzlement. He then turns and walks over to another piece of alien machinery. Behind him, one of the figures moves and quietly steps down off the ledge. It raises its right hand and, with a buzzing sound, starts to move towards the man. RANSOME alerted, slowly turns round. His mouth drops and he looks terrified when he sees the stalking mannequin before him...)

UNIT's attempts to locate the meteorites are hampered by the mysterious plastic Autons, being constructed by Channing at a nearby factory, while the Doctor makes another attempt to escape from the hospital.

fd_Hawaii_Five-0_10x06

fd_Hawaii_Five-0_10x06_0

PILOT: This is Eagle 3, HPD Air Support. We have eyes on a 10-80 that committed a vehicular homicide, heading Makai on Palolo Avenue. OFFICER: This is 2-Bravo 727 in pursuit. Suspect's driving erratically and at speeds in excess of (car horn honks) He just blew another stop sign. (tires squealing, sirens wailing) PILOT 2: 727, copy. Please update position. OFFICER: Suspect now turning eastbound on Kaau Street. Wait. Correction. He's now turning Makai again on Pukelele. PILOT 1: Air support requesting backup. We're at bingo fuel. DISPATCHER: This is 153 Central. PIT 'em. OFFICER: 10-4 on the PIT maneuver, 153. (tires squealing) All right, move in. Driver, open the door slowly. Exit with your hands above your head. Get out of the car now. Hands where we can see them. Cover him. Driver, open the door. (Hawaii Five-O theme song playing) Gentlemen. Hey. Check it, my dudes, Five-O HQ. It's like the Batcave up in here. Yeah, the Christian Bale Batcave. - Not that goofy old-school one. - Oh, so true. - STEVE: How you doing, guys? - Wow. I'm Commander Steve McGarrett. Welcome. Oh, very cool, sir. Anything you want to say to the fans of Scooter and the Skeez? Yeah, you can't film in here. - Totes get it. - Our bad. - Commander. - Yes. Your reputation precedes you. You are, like, a legit legend around here. The knowledge we soak up from shadowing you today will for sure level up our recruitment video. Well, I really appreciate that, guys. Thank you very much. Unfortunately, uh, I can't shadow with you guys today. You will be with my colleagues, - Officer Tani Rey - Hello. And Quinn Liu. I think you'll find they're both very knowledgeable, very professional, and very patient, right, guys? - Mm-hmm. Yes. - SCOOTER: Oh, legit. So, I'm gonna leave you guys. Have a great day. I'll see you later. All right? (quietly): Okay, well, you're the millennial whisperer. Lead the way. Okay. Scooter and Skeez, the governor hired you to make a recruitment video for the HPD, and apparently we're at your disposal today. So, do you have any questions before we start? - I got one. - Okay. We kind of overslept, haven't gotten our nosh on yet. Do you guys know any good brunch spots around here? Millennial whisperer? TANI: All right, then, let's go munch on some grindage. SCOOTER: Sweet. (indistinct radio transmission) So, go ahead, make my morning. I'll do my best. Officers surveilling a high-traffic narcotics area in Kalihi spotted a suspicious vehicle. When they tried to pull it over, it took off, blowing through an intersection and killing a pedestrian. Patricia Martin, local teacher. Duke's handling the notification. Is the driver in custody? Yeah, about that. So no one's driving. What is this, the robot apocalypse? Well, actually, autonomous vehicles have a fail-safe in place so they can be controlled remotely. It's called teleoperations. We think that's how this car was being steered. Yeah, I know about it, but that technology is not street legal. So what's the car doing on the road in the first place? Nah, the plates are fake and the VIN's been filed off. And whoever sent it out into the wild was smart enough not to leave any prints on it. Yeah, then I found this in a box on the front seat with 400 bucks inside. Aha. Okay. So you got a remote-controlled car that goes through a high-traffic drug area. Comes out with $400. Can you connect the dots? Yeah, I mean, it looks to me like some tech-savvy drug dealers have found a way to mitigate the risk of their own guys ratting on them. Smart. I get it. Except now someone's dead, and now they're on the hook for a lot more than drug trafficking. Yeah. The question is, who's behind the controls? (singers vocalizing) Whoa. Sorry about before, filming inside your office. It's just that we constantly got to feed the beast. The beast? I think they mean YouTube. Our fans' demand for content is insane. You slow down for a second, you get trampled by whoever's coming up behind you. - Sounds stressful. - SKEEZ: Mad stressful. I barely got eight last night. Insomnia is a silent killer. Look, it may not seem like it, but we take our work seriously. 62% retention among teens with four-second attention spans is straight fire. We may look like a couple of dumb kids Never crossed my mind. But it takes effort to look this effortless. Take this recruitment video for example. Say it sucks. Then we lose eyeballs, which means we lose dollars and then let down your governor. And you maybe you lose the next great young recruit. And maybe the police force suffers. And maybe people get hurt. I mean, I don't want to say we're saving lives out here, but SCOOTER: Yeah. Bet you hadn't thought about it that way before. - Nope. - You are right. We have never thought about it that way. FLIPPA: Next. Flippa. Hello. We have guests dining with us today. Of course. We heard you guys were on your way over. Cuz already has you all set up. Oh. Oh, wow, look at this. Fresh grindz for our VIPs. Thank you. - Not for you. Scooter and Skeet. - (slurping) - "Skeez. " - Yeah, right. Big fan. Longtime follower, brah. Really, Kamekona? How long? Long enough to know they got the beaucoup followers on Instagram. By the way, that reminds me, lunch is on the house today. Awesome. As long as I get a selfie with both of you - to post on my Insta. - Oh, see that? Big man knows what's up. Eyeballs are currency. Which is why we're gonna hit you back with a tagged post of our own. All right. Hit it, Skeez. - SCOOTER: Crustacean nation! - Looks good. (phone beeps) What is it? HPD caught a homicide in Waialua. Steve wants us to assist. [SCENE_BREAK] Sweet. Good luck, crime fighters. So, CSU is up to their elbows in this Hot Wheel we sent to 'em. They've been going all through the car, trying to figure out who might have been using it to sell dope, but all they've found so far is cameras, and a bunch of 'em. Most interestingly a dash cam recording the interior. DANNY: All right, well, that makes sense. Dealer gets to see what's going on without actually having to be there. GROVER: Right, and speaking of that, the CSU also found a pretty serious radio-controlled transmitter. Oh, that's good news. If we can figure out the control radius, that might help us narrow down where this thing's being operated from. Yeah, well, slow your roll there, Chief, it ain't gonna be that simple. This particular transmitter operates on an ultra- high-frequency radio link. And this thing can be controlled from as far away as 150 miles. So the dealer could be anywhere on the island. JUNIOR: Yeah. Or Molokai or Kauai. Yeah, basically, this transmitter's a dead end. Well, we'll keep working the car, maybe something will come through. - Hey, you find something? - Yeah. We got a hit on the prints from the bag of cash found in the car. GROVER: So, who's this handsome fella? ADAM: Kanoa Anakoni. Arrested last year for drug possession and aggravated assault. You know, I'm thinking this guy may need a refresher course on the rules of his probation. (panting) (tires screech) (car horn honks) Five-O. Step back. Hey, thanks for helping us out, Auntie. By the way, whatever you're cooking smells great. - (grunts) - Hey. Where am I? I didn't do nothing. Your ribs are broken 'cause you got hit by a car when you ran away from our guys. You remember that? You might not remember that 'cause you hit the back of your head, too. That probably doesn't feel too good right now either. DANNY: The IV is to help you sober up so you can tell us about the drugs you bought today. No, no, no, I didn't buy no drugs. At 10:16 you sent a text message saying, "One 8 of C. 920 Piikoi Avenue. " That's got to be an eight-ball of something delivered to your home address. Right? I'm thinking coke or crystal. - I would think crystal, probably. - Yeah? I mean you know. Anyway, two minutes later, you got a return text that just said "400. " Which is the exact amount of money we found in a bag covered with your prints. Now, we traced that number, but it went to a burner. So the good news is you're here with us, and you can tell us, uh, who's behind this operation. I-I don't know. - Oh, yeah? - Honestly, that number's been floating around for a while, and I just started using it. - How does it work? - I don't know. You text it what you want, where you're at. A car pulls up, the window goes down, you show your money to the camera. You put it down, a box opens up, you grab your stash, and that's it. So it's like an app for junkies? It's a good time to be alive. All right, Kanoa, the next call we make's gonna be your parole officer unless you do something for us. What do you need? We need you to order some drugs. Officer Rey, Officer Liu, mahalo for the assist. Yeah, of course. Duke, this is Scooter and Skeez. Oh. (chuckles) We've already met. They were shadowing HPD earlier this week, no? Ah, what up, D-Dizzle? Top-shelf collie weed just arrive Victim's name is Marion Polani. 81 years old. Her cleaning lady found her this morning, called 911. Building like this, they must have security cameras. Not inside but a bunch outside, along the perimeter. We're in the process of tracking down someone who can give us access. Make all the farmers sow marijuana No sign of forced entry. Looks like she let the perp in. Means she probably knew the person who killed her. Harsh. Hey. Well, what I can tell you is that our Vic was comfortable enough with her killer to turn her back on them. C. O. D. is blunt force trauma to the crown of the skull, struck from behind. Oh, bro. All of a sudden, K-Dog's shrimp isn't sitting too well. Oh, my God. Scooter and Skeez? - Sup? - Sup? I am a huge fan. Your video on fibromyalgia, like, so informative. Just doing our part to raise awareness for our fi-bros. Oh, what are you guys doing here? Just being schooled on Five-O by Five-O. (exhales) They're here in a strictly observational capacity. Have you determined - a T. O. D. yet? - Yes. Uh, around 12:30 a. m. , give or take. That's a little late to be entertaining guests. Normally Skeez and I live by the aphorism "It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. " But your rules were crystal, so asking permish. Would it be Gucci to take a selfie with the Vic in the BG? For research purposes, of course. He's joking. Please tell me he's joking. You absolutely cannot take pictures or videos at a crime scene. Is that clear? - Totally get it. [SCENE_BREAK] Okay. SKEEZ: Nothing inappropriate. - Okay. - Just one follow-up question: I'm on a strict "schedge" with my meds, and I just noticed the time. Y-You don't have to ask us permission to take your medication. - Really? - Just take it. - Right here? - Right here. Okay. (whirring) Whoa. Your medicine is smoking pakalolo? Really? We're not animals. We strictly vape. And, yes, it's for glaucoma. - You don't have glaucoma. - Exactly TANI: Put it away. Now. LUKELA: Building manager just arrived. - (balloon deflating) - He can show us the security footage (sniffs) from last night. Don't ask. (balloon deflating) BRENT: All right. I've logged on to the security system. Everything's backed up on the - central server for the last week. - I can access all the cameras. - What did you want to see? - T. O. D. was approximately 12:30, so let's start at 11:00 and go from there. It's a shame about Marion. QUINN: Mr. Garis, we think Marion was killed by somebody she knew, which obviously includes all of her neighbors. Do you know if she had issues with any other tenants? (chuckles): Uh, yeah. She most certainly did. - Who? - All of 'em. Look, I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but Marion was an awful person who made everyone's life a living hell. Bury the lede much, bro? Hey. You are free to observe and take notes, but keep the DVD commentary to a minimum. Nobody watches DVDs. QUINN: Mr. Garis, you were saying? Look, I can send you all the complaints that I've gotten about her over the years, but you would be swimming in paper. Suffice it to say, there's not a single person in this building that Marion hasn't managed to piss off. (playing Ping-Pong) TANI: Hey, guys! It's not the time for that. SKEEZ: Our bad. Get over here. Just ignore them. Easier said than done, we realize. So, this is what the security cameras picked up as of 11:00 last night. Okay. Let's roll forward from here and see what we've got. BRENT: So, it looks like nobody came in or out of the building between 11:30 last night and 6:30 this morning. You know what that means, right? The people who live here don't know how to party? TANI: Yes, and the killer lives in the building. Well, 2F doesn't seem thrilled to have to stay in all day. Well, until we figure out which resident is the killer, this whole place is on lockdown. Yes. We're all about the lockdown. Got to keep the crime scene tight. It's just like when we're shooting a vid. Got to control the location, keep the randos from wandering into your shot. TANI: All right. We got 31 suspects to interview. It's gonna be a long lockdown. What if I told you I could streamline this whole process? - Uh-huh? - I used to live in a complex like this, and there's always that one neighbor, the one up in everyone's business. Looks like you just found her. ROSE: Of course, I tend to keep to myself if I can help it, but Marion was a hard one to ignore. She she made an impression. Um, fr from what we've heard, Marion - wasn't the most endearing person. - She was the devil incarnate, dear. And, worse, a gin rummy cheat. - Savage. - Savage. Was there anyone with an especially bad relationship with Marion? Maybe somebody who wanted her dead? Oh, let's see. There's Liliana and Todd and Kawika. Oh, and that whole debacle with the water feature. You know what? I'll put on some coffee. This may take a while. There's a lot of names. Lou, you good? GROVER: Yes, sir. As long as that tracker in Kanoa's bag ends up in that drug car, we can follow it to wherever it calls home. DANNY: Well, it's come to this. Drugs on demand. Y-You know, a lot of street hustlers are gonna be out of a job pretty soon. I mean, there's an app for everything these days. Isn't there? Used to be, if you wanted something, you had to actually get dressed and leave the house, right? Get in a car, drive to a store, talk to a human. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, less humans, better for me. I mean, that's the only reason I use those apps, so I don't have to deal with people. Human-to-human interaction is the whole, that's the point of life, Danny. Why be alive if you're not gonna do that? Since when do you like people? Are you social now? - (engine approaches) - Hey, yo. We got movement. Same make and model as the hit-and-run car. All right, this is it. Our delivery has arrived. (engine starts) QUINN: So, based on our visit with Rose, the human rumor mill, we now have 12 suspects to prioritize. Divide and conquer? Okay, yes. I guess that means we should each take one bro? Backup? Cool. Skeez-Dog and I can totally be your backup. Sure. Let's call it that. Skeez, you're with me. Excellent choice. But you should know that I already have a lady. So we should probably keep this relash strictly profesh. And I instantly regret choosing you. Hello, my name is Dr. Greenthumb You've probably heard, Marion Polani was murdered last night. And you've probably heard that she was a horrible old crone. EMILY: The woman was a total nightmare. Never a nice word for anyone. Yeah. She did so many horrible things. - Such as? - I have a 1966 Eldorado convertible. Marion sideswiped it in the parking lot. And after I contacted my insurance company to file a claim, she filled my back seat with kitty litter. Used kitty litter. Hello, my name is Dr. Greenthumb - - MANDY: I'm a massage therapist. And Marion, she hated the foot traffic of my clients coming and going. So because we share this wall, she used to crank the volume of her TV so loud, my clients, they couldn't relax. I've lost most of my business. She called Child Protective Services on me. Said she hadn't seen my third-grader in months, - that I was locking him up. - - Constantly grown - He was at summer camp. - EMILY: Todd works late most nights. - I'm a bartender. Doing the Lord's work, my man. Right. But every night when Todd would come home, she would call me up, screaming about how he'd woken her up when he came in through the gate. No one else complained. I swear she'd sit up just waiting for me to get back so she had something to raise a stink over. Well, last night, when he came in at What time was it, honey? Around 12:45? EMILY: Right. Anyway, it was the first time Marion didn't complain, and, I mean, now I get why, of course. 12:45, you say? TODD: Yeah. Why? Todd, I'm gonna need to speak to you outside, please. What-What's going on? Hold up, homes. So you want to good cop/bad cop this or what? Officer Liu. This is Todd. Todd just told us that he didn't get home from work last night until 12:45 a. m. Well, that's interesting. Wait, why is that interesting? Because we know for a fact that no one entered the building after 11:30 p. m. , - which means you're busted. - So busted! TODD: Okay, look, I should've just come out and said it. Every Tuesday I tell Emily I'm working late, but I'm not. Instead of going home, I go to another apartment. - A neighbor's apartment. - Sounds scandalous, dude. QUINN: What is it that you're doing at your neighbor's apartment, Todd? Please, you can't tell Emily. TANI: This is where you were last night? Yeah. Playing Dungeons & Dragons. It was a pretty epic campaign. My mage cast an Arcane Hand spell. My friend Reko, who lives here, can back me up. I headed home as soon as we wrapped things up, which was about a quarter to 1:00. Well, that was right around the time that Marion was murdered. Did you happen to notice if anyone was coming or going from any of the apartments? Uh, no. Um, I did hear something. - TANI: Please don't kill each other. - Noises. Like a weird clanking sound. I didn't really think about it, though. I just wanted to get home. If Emily found out I was here She and Reko sort of had a falling out last month. It got pretty ugly. - I'd rather not go into it. - We'd rather you not go into it either. So Reko confirms Todd's alibi, but that means Emily doesn't have one. It's like whack-a-mole. (chuckles) Classic ref, Officer Liu. Also, I got to say, I thought turning bros and broettes onto a career in law enforcement would be a hard sell. I mean, you guys are the ones who bust up our house parties and arrest us for indecent exposure. Hoping that last one is hypothetical. His point is, this job is actually kinda rad. - And, plus, unlike our boy Duke - (phone chimes) you guys get to wear your own threads. Everything okay? Um, no. Noelani just sent me this. Guys, seriously? (chuckles) "We got our hands on the murder weapon. "#Five-OLife. #MurderAndMayhem. " What were the rules? SCOOTER: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys said no photos or videos of the crime scene. That dude's apartment is crime-scene-adjacent at best. So, we good? Oh, it's no imposition at all, dear. You two go deal with your police work. I'll take care of the boys. SKEEZ: Harsh punishment, dude. Who's up for a game of gin rummy? TANI: Behave yourselves, bros. Still a fan of Scooter and Skeez? Why don't you just ease back a little bit, so KITT here doesn't make us. KITT? It's KITT from Knight Rider. You don't know what Knight Rider is? Of course I know what Knight Rider is. I used to watch it I love Knight Rider. Here we go. Here we go. (tires screeching) DANNY: Well, I'd say they made us. (siren wailing) - Lou, you seeing this? - GROVER: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that sure escalated quickly. STEVE: Yeah, it did. Lou, notify HPD. We're gonna need a roadblock. GROVER: All right, will do. DANNY: This car's gonna get someone else killed. (car horn honking) Why? Why? I don't want to lose KITT. DANNY: But KITT is a worse driver than you. Plus, there's a tracker in the car. STEVE: I know there's a tracker in the car, Danny, but what if we lose the car and the car stops to make another sale and the next customer swipes the bag? Then what? You're a catastrophist. - A catastrophist? - Mm-hmm. Wow, you're really making the most out of that "word of the day" calendar, huh? It means that you expect the worst at all times. I know what it means, but you're wrong. I plan for the worst, and there's a difference. Right, and excuse me if I trust my eyes more than a computer chip. - Whoa. - (tires screeching) And they say self-driving cars are safer. Wow. That's great that's great. How are we supposed to get anything off of that car now? Says the catastrophist. Catastrophist How is this a good thing, Danny? I don't know, if we keep this up, they're gonna run out of cars, right? - Yo, HPD recover that car? - Yup. We ain't been able to get anything off it, though. It's weird, but when you take a plunge off a 100-foot cliff, all you end up with is pretty much a self-driving pancake. However, the first car, the one involved in the hit-and-run, well, they got a good look under that hood, and it seems that its operating system is some proprietary software that's owned by a company called Tropovision Technologies. I heard of them. They make drones, right? GROVER: Yeah, they do, but now they've taken that tech and adapted it to cars you can control remotely. Well, I've heard of corporate diversification, but seems highly unlikely that a fancy tech company like that - would get into delivering drugs. - Right. So what do we think? Somebody stole the software? Yeah, and we have a pretty good idea who. Julia Wahea. Runs R&D at Tropovision. She's some kind of whiz kid, basically invented this software herself. - And what's the company say? - They were unaware of any breach when I called them, but they've since confirmed that an unauthorized download of the code did occur. All right, so-so why do we think it's Julia? Because they used her credentials to log in and download it. That's a good reason. Let's bring her in. QUINN: Thank you. [SCENE_BREAK] Anything? Stop me if this sounds familiar. Marion had Mr. and Mrs. Puleha's water turned off because she could hear Mr. Puleha singing in the shower. You? About the same. Marion would steal Mr. Jonathon in 4C's pizza deliveries. I'm starting to think this killer's gonna get off - on just cause. - SCOOTER: Officer Rey! Officer Liu! Up here! What the hell are you doing up there? - You're supposed to be with Rose. - Totes true, but there's something you got to see up here. L-Like, now. QUINN: This better be good. Oh, it is, Wonder Women. Okay, let me set the scene. So there we were, shredding some gin rummy with our dawg Rose, sipping on prune juice, when we got to thinking, "How did our perp slip into our vic's apartment on the DL?" And then it hit us, the cams spec the ground, but there's no eyes on the roof, so we came up here to investigate, and check it. Exhibit A. Fresh scrapes on the edge, along with some flakes of orange paint. And where, pray tell, did the paint l'orange come from? Behold, Exhibit B. QUINN: A ladder. An orange ladder and fully extendable, long enough to make a bridge. TANI: Wow, slamming that thing down from one roof to another would explain the noise that Todd heard when he got back. - Makes sense. - Do you know what this means? Unfortunately. I think this means that our boys just figured out how our killer dodged the cameras. Yeah. - TANI: Them. - (both grunt) Look, I know what you guys are thinking, but before you start thanking us for cracking this case wide open, let us first thank you. Because it turns out being a cop isn't just about beating up bad guys and driving real fast, it's also about personal growth. You can really learn a lot about yourself. Just like we learned to believe in ourselves and trust our "insties," which, as I mentioned earlier, is totally how we just cracked open this case. Instincts, huh? Is that what it was? Or was it that your stoke levels were getting low, so you came up here to get blazed? But you didn't realize that the door was gonna lock behind you, so as you were trying to figure out how to get down, you noticed the scrape marks, saw the ladder on the other roof, and then you somehow managed to put it together. Is that what you meant by, by "insties"? Wow, you're good. (chuckles) You just solved the mystery of us solving the mystery. SCOOTER: Yeah, that's meta crime fighting right there. Just when she was starting to like you. Total bums. QUINN: All right, despite the circumstances, it still counts. I am actually impressed. What's happening to your face? Are you about to cry? Is he crying? - I'm sorry. - Are you crying? I'm just feeling super emotional right now. Me, too. Come on, my dude. Give it up. Does he expect me to hug him? - Just go for it. - SCOOTER: That's right. - Bring it in. - QUINN: Oh. No drug like a hug. TANI: Wow, yeah, that really warms my heart. Why would I steal code from Tropovision? I work for them. That makes no sense. Sensible or not, your login and password were used to steal that software, Julia. JUNIOR: You know what I think? I think you're a legit tech genius who came up with this amazing program, except this company's gonna take all your profits. ADAM: Yeah, meanwhile, your student loans are still sitting there unpaid. So, being the innovator you are, you figured you'd innovate your way into a little side hustle. - Mm-hmm. - You know, we get it. Come on, if I'm such a genius, then why would I be stupid enough - to use my own login? - (lock buzzes) (clears throat) Cyber decrypted the I. P. address used to download that stolen code. She's telling the truth, man. It wasn't her. Take a look. Any idea who this is? JUNIOR: All right, come on, Julia, seems like you've been telling the truth so far. Why start lying now? That's my father. His name's Micah Wahea. 12 years ago, I tried to help him get clean but he was too far gone. He disappeared and I moved on. A few months back, he turns up, clean and sober. Wanting to make up for all the lost years. I said okay. Guess I'm not so smart after all. GROVER: Hey, Julia that's your father. You love your father. Of course you want to believe him. It's just that, um, sometimes what we want to believe doesn't quite line up with what's true. ADAM: Julia, if your dad has relapsed, then helping us find him would be the best thing you could do for him. Door. Micah Wahea. Five-O. Clear. No sign of Micah. And by the looks of things, he didn't leave willingly. Yeah, we got a busted-in doorjamb, overturned furniture. And fresh blood. Seems we're not the only ones looking for Julia's father. Hey. So a BOLO's out on Micah. I just spoke to the neighbors, and they said they heard shouting coming from here less than an hour ago, so this just happened. Check this out. At least a dozen photos of his daughter. And I found a schedule for a drug recovery group on his fridge. I mean, he seems like a proud, sober dad to me, not a user taking advantage of his kid. Maybe Julia had it wrong. Well, except he did steal the code for the self-driving cars. Yeah, well, I'm thinking whoever these dealers are, they strong-armed him into it. (phone ringing) - Lou, what's up? - GROVER: Well, Julia has hacked directly into the CPU of one of the drug cars, thanks to some short cuts. Guess it helps when you write the code. Listen, man, these drug dealers got a warehouse full of these puppies. GPS gave us the location, and Steve's on his way. Okay, send us the address, we'll meet them there. Will do, hang on. (doors bang open) (grunting) I'm in. Oh, my God. They have my dad. AKAMU: Cops are on to us now, so I'm only going to ask you once. Who did you talk to? (grunting) - We have to do something. - Be right back. (Micah grunts) Steve, they got her old man in there, man, and they've been working him over pretty good. You got to hurry. (grunting) AKAMU: Don't want to talk, huh? No, no. - (cocks gun) - Okay. You know what that means. - MICAH: Please, no. - (engine starts) No. - AKAMU: What the hell? - (tires screeching) MAN: Who's controlling it? MAN 2: Disable the damn thing! (bullets hitting car) MAN 2: We got to shoot out the motor! (screams) (grunting) MAN 1: I think we got it. JULIA: The car's dead. MAN 1: Careful, it could start up again. (shouts) (groaning) Hey, buddy, you okay? Mm-hmm. JUNIOR: Clear. Well done. Well done, kiddo. Well done. This is ridiculous. I wasn't even on the roof last night. You were careful, I'll give you that. CSU did not find any prints on the ladder. That's because I didn't use any ladder. So what am I doing here? Are you familiar with how Wi-Fi works, Mr. Garis? - Of course. - Good. Okay. So you know that every network has a very specific digital signature. Which means that it's possible for us to figure out who logs on at any given time. Do you see where I'm going with this? At 12:03 a. m. last night, your cell phone connected to the Wi-Fi of the building next door, which your company also manages. Then, around 15 minutes later, it connected to the Wi-Fi of Marion's building. At 12:48 a. m. , that same sequence of connect and disconnect happens again, only this time in reverse. See, that seems like enough time for you to shuttle back and forth across your ladder bridge, with a quick pit stop to kill Marion. I want a lawyer. That's smart. And they're probably gonna tell you that our Wi-Fi evidence is circumstantial, and they'll be right. But here's your problem: we have you on motive, too. Mmm. We went through Marion's e-mail. We know that she accused you of embezzling money from the building. You know, when you billed the owner for repair work that you never performed. Yeah, she's a crazy old lady who accused a lot of people - of things they didn't do. - Except in this case, she was right. We went through your financials, Brent. There seem to be several large deposits that coincide with work that you billed your boss for but never completed. You know, it's really a shame you can't keep that money. Could've used it for the lawyer. SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, two legends of law enforcement, T-Bone and Q-Money! (air horn sound effect) SKEEZ: We watched you at work. You guys are like artists. You totes nailed that douche-nozzle. Yeah, we, like, totes harshed his mellow - until he was, uh, mellow-less. - Stop talking. And, lest you forget, none of this would've been possible - without us. - Really? Because the way that I recall it, the only contributions you guys made was disobeying orders, getting high, and (sighs) We could not have done this without you. You know, I wasn't kidding about what I said earlier. This whole experience has been mad inspiring. In fact, if my career as a social media influencer extraordinaire craps out, yeah, I may just give law enforcement a try. No. No. Listen. As much as we would love to have you, um, you-you have a gift. Yes. Yes. And you guys contribute a, a tiny amount - of joy to people - So small. Every day. And-and who are we to deny the world that? Mm-mm. Mm-mm. So true. I guess we all serve in our own way. Plus, there's the drug testing. - Right. - SKEEZ: Hey. Before we go, would you guys do us the honor of a selfie? - Oh. no. - Of course. We really appreciate that. "Solved" on three. One, two, three. ALL: Solved. (indistinct chatter) Dad. So, uh, how's dear old Dad? He's gonna be fine. GROVER: Did he say how he happened to get - mixed up in all of this? - Yeah, he did. Uh, Micah came out here about six months ago. Wanted to reconnect with Julia, and he made the mistake of bragging to some of his old buddies about what a success his daughter had become. And being the unscrupulous drug dealers that they are, they saw an opportunity. Yeah, they told Micah he had to get in there and steal that tech, or they were gonna force his daughter to give it to 'em. ADAM: He decided to keep her out of it, and here we are. (both crying) - (elevator bell dings) - Wow, that is awful and also kind of hilarious but mostly awful. Yeah, I'll we'll see what we can do about it. - Okay. Bye. - Awful and hilarious is my jam. Dish. That was Kamekona. Apparently, Scooter and Skeez tagged the wrong shrimp truck on their Instagram post. - (chuckling) - So their main competitor is getting all the hype. Oh, what else did you expect from the brain trust? Yeah, they want one of us to call them and make it right. - Oh, no, that's all you. - Really? - Yeah. - Are you kidding? I saw the way you hugged Skeez. I mean, you guys are practically dating. But (stammering) (others chatting indistinctly) - Oh, hey, guys. - Oh, hey. What's up? STEVE: What's up? This isn't strange. Why, why are they staring at us? Reigns, what are you looking at on your phone? What are you all laughing at? Guys, she said Reigns. She only says Reigns when she's really angry. Should I be? You might be when you see what we're looking at. The recruitment video. GROVER: Oh, you damn right it's the recruitment video, and it is a masterpiece. - All right, let's see it. - JUNIOR: Let's go. GROVER: Hell yeah. - TANI: It's that good? - Okay. As officers of the Honolulu Police Department, we get to help people every day and effect positive change in our community. Plus the pay and benefits is pretty rad. So if that sounds baller to you, head over to JoinHonoluluPD. org to see how you can become one of Honolulu's finest. Actually, this is not as terrible as I thought it was gonna be. It's fine. Now let's get this scumbag off the street before he exposes himself to any more nuns. Wait, here comes the best part. Here you go, Officers. Five-O can take it from here. QUINN: Wait a minute, is that supposed to be us? Thanks, Scooter and Skeez. We couldn't have solved this case without you. What the hell? I-I did, I did not flirt like that. STEVE: Hold on, hold on, this could be a good thing. What if we get an influx of millennials who want to join the force? ADAM: Oh, yeah, an army of Scooters and Skeezes patrolling the streets, keeping the Island safe. God help us all.

McGarrett and the team investigate when a deadly hit-and-run involves a driverless car carrying heroin, and what could be a new means for delivering drugs. Also, Tani and Quinn are stuck with a pair of YouTubers who are brought on a ride-along with Five-0.

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"The Hero in the Hold" [SCENE_BREAK] TEASER (FBI - The Conference Room) (Brennan, Hodgins and Thomas Vega are sitting at the table with Judge Williams) JUDGE WILLIAMS: Dr. Brennan, Dr. Hodgins, Mr. Vega, thank you for coming. VEGA: You get a notice to appear in front of a federal judge, you appear. BRENNAN: I assume this has something to do with the Gravedigger. HODGINS: The only thing the three of us have in common is that kidnapper. (appearing from the dark corner of the room ADA Heather Taffet approaches the table holding a folder) TAFFET: My name is Heather Taffet. I'm the United States Attorney assigned to the Gravedigger case last month. BRENNAN: What happened to Ms. Kurland? HODGINS: She was killed (Brennan looks at Hodgins) in a car accident in Boston. VEGA: So what? You think the Gravedigger had Kurland killed because she was getting close? HODGINS: (irritated) She wasn't getting close, she was barely conducting an investigation. BRENNAN: (turning her head back to address Taffet and Judge Williams) Nothing has moved in the Gravedigger case in months. JUDGE WILLIAMS: Well it turns out something did move. TAFFET: Some evidence has gone missing. BRENNAN: You suspect that one of us stole Gravedigger evidence? From the FBI? TAFFET: Mr. Vega is a former FBI agent as well as a best-selling author on the Gravedigger. You both contract out to the FBI. JUDGE WILLIAMS: Let me make this very clear. If any of you has any evidence linked to the Gravedigger case, I am ordering you as a federal judge to turn it over to Ms. Taffet. TAFFET: Turn it over to me today and you get full immunity. (Booth's Apartment: the Bedroom) (Booth is looking in the mirror and putting the final touches on his rented tux...his cocky belt buckle) BOOTH: (to himself) Look at that. (his cell phone rings. he turns and walks to pick it up) Ohhh, it's got to be Bones. (he looks at the ID on the phone) Yup. (answering) I'm hurrying Bones. (Brennan's Car) BRENNAN: Do you need directions? BOOTH: (on phone) No, I do not need directions... (Booth's Apartment) BOOTH: (he exits the bedroom into the living room ) ...because I am driving. BRENNAN: (on phone) My GPS can... (Brennan's Car) BRENNAN: ...provide perfect directions in several languages. (Booth's Apartment) BOOTH: (walking over to the coffee table) Well get this, ok? Parker got me this new watch (he picks it off the table and puts it on) and it does the same thing. (Brennan's Car) BRENNAN: (curious) Oh, in several languages? BOOTH: (on phone) No. BRENNAN: Well then it's not the same thing. (Booth's Apartment) BOOTH: (walking over to a mirror to adjust his tie) I bet you are looking beautiful, huh? Because I am in the finest tux that money can rent. (Brennan's Car) BRENNAN: Well, I'm on my way home to get dressed. But you need to be there an hour and a half before me to watch the tribute video. My GPS indicates that it's a...25 minute drive for you. (Booth's Apartment) BRENNAN: (on phone) This is my big night Booth. BOOTH: Alright Bones, listen. Don't worry, I will be there when they crown you super scientist... (Brennan's Car) BOOTH: (on phone) ...I will be the guy in the cocky belt buckle... (Booth's Apartment) BOOTH: ...and the snazzy rented tux. (he hears a knock) Someone's knocking on my door. (Brennan's Car) BRENNAN: How can there be a knock at your door if you're already driving? (Booth's Apartment) (Not wanting to answer, Booth looks at his phone, hangs up and walks to the door) (Brennan's Car) (Brennan is frustrated that Booth hung up) (Medico Legal Lab) (Brennan, all dressed up for her event, rushes in to a waiting Cam, Sweets and Angela, all three of whom are also dressed for the occasion) CAM: You're late. BRENNAN: I know. It took me longer to get dressed than I thought but don't worry my GPS will get us there on time. (She begins to turn to head back out the door as the other three follow) ANGELA: (putting on her jacket and laughing) It's not a time machine sweetie. (Brennan's cell phone rings) SWEETS: I call shot gun. (Cam shakes her head) BRENNAN: (answering her phone) Brennan. GRAVEDIGGER'S VOICE: I have taken Seeley Booth. (She stops walking and grabs for Cam's phone to record the message) He has been buried alive. He has 21 hours to live. (Angela turns around to see what's wrong. Her face drops when she sees Brennan's look of worry. Cam also looks troubled.) Bring the evidence to the SW5 DC Boundary Stone in return for which you will receive GPS coordinates. If you involve law enforcement I will know and Seeley Booth will die. This is my final communication. (Brennan stops the recording on Cam's phone but keeps her phone to her ear) CAM: What's going on? BRENNAN: (Not looking up, she hangs up the phone. She is still processing the information.) The Gravedigger has Booth. (Angela, Cam and Sweets all look worried) (A Dark Container) (A watch lights up. It's Booth's and he is lying on his back in a small, dark container. He's breathing heavily and uses the light to look for a way out. There doesn't seem to be one so he begins to bang on the secured lid) (Booth's Apartment) (The door opens and Sweets enters holding a stiletto for a weapon. He is being cautious and Brennan follows behind and turns on the light. Cam and Angela enter behind her) CAM: Booth? BRENNAN: (looking back at her) He's not here. I told you. (They begin to search the apartment for clues) ANGELA: I was hoping it was...like a prank call or something. CAM: The door was locked. SWEETS: What does that mean? ANGELA: Well, I doubt that the Gravedigger would take the time to...(she looks at Sweets and sees he's still holding her shoe) Give me the shoe. (She grabs it from him and puts it back on her foot) ...would take the time to lock the front door on his way out. CAM: Especially lugging 190 pounds of unconscious Booth. (they continue looking around the apartment, all ending up in the living room. Brennan emerges from the bedroom and sees something) BRENNAN: (pointing) He was dragged...toward the window. (the blinds on one window are bent and disturbed. Cam goes to look closer at it) ANGELA: Oh my god. Okay, alright, we need to call the authorities. (Brennan immediately looks at her) We are in way over our heads here. SWEETS: No. No, no, no. I read up on this guy. If we want Booth back, we need to pay the ransom. CAM: The Gravedigger wanted evidence. What evidence? BRENNAN: It has to be the same evidence that the state attorney and the FBI think that I have which I don't. (Angela takes out her phone and dials) SWEETS: What are you doing? ANGELA: They called in Hodgins too. BRENNAN: You think he stole the evidence? ANGELA: (puts the phone to her ear) I know you didn't. (A Dark Container) (Booth is still forcefully kicking the top of the container trying to get it open. He feels the walls around him looking for another way out.) (A Dark Container) (Booth is still kicking the lid of the container. There are bolts holding it shut which he tries to kick loose. It doesn't work. He takes his keychain to try and loosen the nuts. He struggles, but loosens the first one. He kicks the bolt out. Light shines in and he pokes his finger through and looks up.) (Medico-Legal Lab) (Hodgins is doing push-ups very quickly. Brennan walks in) BRENNAN: Could you stop that, please? HODGINS: (he stands) I was just working off adrenaline. How long ago did the Gravedigger get Booth? What kind of time do we have? BRENNAN: I know you have what the Gravedigger wants. The evidence that the judge told us about. The Gravedigger thinks that I have it. But he's wrong. It's you. (Hodgins doesn't reply. He looks at his feet) Give it to me. (Hodgins looks up, hesitant to give Brennan what she wants) (A Dark Container) (Booth is loosening another nut. After some struggle he gets it open and pushes the top open) (A Large Hold) (Booth emerges from a very small yellow submarine. He climbs out, stumbles a little and takes a look at his surroundings. He hears something in the dark corner of the room.) BOOTH: Who's there? Who's that? VOICE: It's me. BOOTH: Who's me? VOICE: Best buddy you ever had. (the voice emerges from the darkness. It's a young soldier) Your words. (Booth looks shocked and confused) BOOTH: Teddy? (Teddy looks up at him and smiles. Booth sighs in disbelief) Flash (Booth's memory: He's in his ranger camouflage uniform carrying a soldier over his shoulders, running for help) Flash BOOTH: This isn't real. TEDDY: (He hits the submarine. It makes a metal ting) I'm gonna go with real. Nice monkey suit by the way. I would never have thought to go formal to a kidnapping. BOOTH: (stumbling over his words) Look, no offense but you know, I've been drugged, electrocuted...stuffed in a...Beatles toy. You're...you're a hallucination, that's what you are. You're a hallucination. TEDDY: Aww, that's nice. I show up to help you and you toss me off as a hallucination. (he closes the lid of the submarine) BOOTH: You're dead corporal. I felt your heart stop. TEDDY: No use crying over spilled milk, Sarge. BOOTH: You know what? You're not real. This isn't real. You know what? I am gonna focus on what is real. Right? Real, like getting out of this place. Okay... (He looks up to see a hatch door high up by a catwalk. Teddy follows his gaze) TEDDY: Nah, Sarge. It's too high. How about that one? (he nods his head in the direction of another hatch door on their level. BOOTH: (he looks to where Teddy nodded) I already saw that. (he walks to it) TEDDY: Now you're getting competitive with a hallucination. (Booth glares back at him. Teddy looks over his shoulder to the darkness behind. He looks back at Booth.) What? Oh, right. No, still here. (Booth glares at him for a little while until he turns his concentration back to the door) Aw, you really haven't changed, Sarge. (He steps closer to Booth) Once you knew it had to be done, nothing can stop you. BOOTH: (frustrated) Enough already, okay? TEDDY: (he straightens into military position) Yes sir, Sergeant. BOOTH: (walking back to the sub and mumbling to himself) I got this. (he takes one of the propellers off the sub and brings it back to the door) TEDDY: Hey, look at that. You're making progress. (Medico-Legal Lab: An Office) (Hodgins pulls out a metal briefcase and opens it up. He turns to show Brennan the files inside.) HODGINS: There. (She looks up) That's everything. BRENNAN: The judge was after a specific piece, Hodgins, something that you stole from the FBI. (Defeated, Hodgins pulls a small vial out of the case. It's the bumper sticker found in his pants when Brennan and he were trapped in the car. He shows it to Brennan) BRENNAN: I remember that. (She takes the vial from Hodgins) It was embedded in your leg. HODGINS: Yeah. Probably came off the bumper of the vehicle the Gravedigger used to run me over. Only shortly before he buried me alive. BRENNAN: (Giving a small nod) With me. (she looks back at the vial) HODGINS: I'm pretty close to...discovering the manufacturer. (Brennan looks up) Which will help us narrow down the suspect pool. BRENNAN: Booth doesn't have that kind of time. (Hodgins reaches to take the vial back from Brennan. She pulls it closer to her) CAM: (entering the room) What is that? (Angela follows Cam in) BRENNAN: Evidence that the Gravedigger wants. (Sweets enters behind Angela) Sweets, you...you shouldn't be here. The Gravedigger said no FBI involvement. SWEETS: I'm a psychologist, not an agent. CAM: An FBI psychologist. Dr. Sweets, get, gone, now. (He exits, visibly angry) (Angela watches Sweets exit then turns to Hodgins. She approaches him looking mad) ANGELA: You stole evidence? (Angela, Cam, Brennan wait for a response) HODGINS: You don't know what it was like. Being buried in that car. BRENNAN: (forcefully) I do. I was there. HODGINS: I know. And if we turn over that evidence we will never catch the Gravedigger. CAM: Booth only has 19 hours. HODGINS: (frustrated) Okay, okay. Let's just take 10 of those hours and see if we can do both. (Angela and Cam both look to Brennan to decide) Brennan, I'm telling you the answer is there. (he points to the vial) (Brennan looks worried about taking the chance. She stares at the vial. She shakes her head slightly) HODGINS: 10 hours? (Angela looks to Cam. Cam looks to Brennan) BRENNAN: (Brennan looks up, stares at Hodgins, looks back to the vial and then back to Hodgins.) 8. And Dr. Hodgins is never left alone. ANGELA: You don't trust him? BRENNAN: No. I don't. (Medico-Legal Lab: Angela's Office) (Brennan's phone is linked to the computer) ANGELA: I scanned the new recording... GRAVEDIGGER'S VOICE: (playing from the computer) Bring the evidence to the SW5 DC Boundary Stone in return for which you will receive GPS coordinates. (Angela moves to audio equipment on a rack and hits some buttons) If you involve law enforcement I will know and Seeley Booth will die. This is my final communication. ANGELA: ...along with the recording that the Gravedigger gave when you and Hodgins were kidnapped. (she pauses) You okay to hear that? (Brennan nods) Okay. GRAVEDIGGER'S VOICE: (from computer) Temperance Brennan and Jack Hodgins have been buried alive. Wire transfer $8 million to the following Grand Cayman account or they will suffocate to death. (Angela stops that and replays the end of Booth's message) ...or Seeley Booth will die. (Angela replays the very end of the Brennan/Hodgins message) ...or they will suffocate to death. ANGELA: Now despite the voice scrambler, I was able to extract specific phonemes by running the waveform through a 4AA Transform. (on the computer, Angela shows the matching waveforms) BRENNAN: Graphically, they're identical. Can we hear the unscrambled voice? ANGELA: No, the coding was too complicated. But the voice scrambler was triggered to compress at a certain set level. (she walks back to the audio equipment and inserts a disc) Now in this case, it was set to the volume of the human voice. BRENNAN: So when the Gravedigger isn't speaking... ANGELA: Right, the background noise pops into the foreground. Uncompressed. (the computer program extracts the background audio. Angela plays it.) BRENNAN: What is that? ANGELA: Ummm. I'm...still working on that. Sorry. I... (she looks and faces Brennan) We'll get Booth back. BRENNAN: You can't know that. ANGELA: Brennan, I just think that... BRENNAN: (cutting Angela off) Just...work, please. (Angela nods) ANGELA: Okay. (she turns back to the computer) Let me try another algorithm. (she plays the audio again) Birds? BRENNAN: (after a moment of listening) Gulls. Seagulls. The Gravedigger was near the water. (Angela and Brennan both look at each other, small smiles come to their faces.) (The Hold) (Booth is using the propeller to bang on the hatch door to wedge it open. The blade breaks) TEDDY: (holding out a new propeller) Fresh one? What? Oh, hallucinations can't help out a little. BOOTH: (Taking the propeller) Give me that. (He turns back to the door.) TEDDY: You're welcome. (observing Booth) No, Sarge. Pry with your legs. Watch so you don't hurt your back. (Booth pushes harder, the door opens a little. Water starts to pour in at the bottom.) TEDDY: That can't be good. (Booth looks down at the water and back to Teddy) Flash (Booth's memory: Booth is running through a small creek still carrying the body over his shoulders.) BOOTH: Hang on Teddy. You're gonna make it. Flash (The water is coming in harder now drenching Booth. He tries to shut the door) TEDDY: Ahhh, you might want to close that up, Sarge. (Booth is really struggling to hold the door in place. His efforts are futile and the door bursts open. A wall of water fills the room) (Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform) (Brennan and Angela rush onto the platform. Hodgins and Cam who are studying the case file look up) ANGELA: Hey guys! There was no voice match but there was a point of origin on the call. (They all surround one of the computers as Angela brings up the audio. She plays it.) CAM: Seagulls? BRENNAN: I talked to Booth an hour and 47 minutes before I got the ransom call. CAM: That merry-go-round... (Angela looks up to her. Cam has a moment of realization) The boardwalk! King's Beach Boardwalk. HODGINS: I got it. (He walks away and picks up Vega's book on the Gravedigger. He brings it back and points to Vega's picture on the back) BRENNAN: Vega? HODGINS: Vega lives in a penthouse apartment just off the boardwalk. (Cam looks at Brennan) (A Parking Garage) (Hodgins and Brennan get out of her car and walk through the garage) HODGINS: Do you think this is my fault? BRENNAN: If you hadn't stolen the evidence the Gravedigger would never have taken Booth. HODGINS: Rationally speaking, it was inevitable. It would have happened anytime we got close. BRENNAN: (pointing) Is that Vega's car? (they approach the car and walk to either side. There is someone in the driver's seat) Who is that? HODGINS: It's Vega. (Vega is sitting still in the front seat. Hodgins bangs on the passenger side door. Brennan looks through the driver's window) HODGINS: He's dead. (Brennan opens up the driver's door and looks closer at the body) BRENNAN: It looks like he was killed somewhere else and then was placed here. HODGINS: (looking around the garage) We should take his body back to the lab. (Brennan glares at him) Obviously the Gravedigger killed him. There's got to be some evidence that we can use. BRENNAN: Remove a body from the crime scene? (A car pulls up quickly. Agent Perotta steps out) PEROTTA: That would be a very bad idea. Step away from the car, please. (Brennan looks really confused) HODGINS: Agent Perotta. (The Hold) (water has filled up half the room. Booth and Teddy are treading as it continues to rise. They are looking up for an escape) BOOTH: Look, if the water rises up far enough I'll be able to get to that door and open it. TEDDY: What, the room isn't filling up quickly enough for you already? (Booth swims over to the wall) (Parking Garage) (the FBI is wheeling Vega's body away on a stretcher. Perotta is questioning Brennan and Hodgins) PEROTTA: You were here for an interview? (Brennan nods) HODGINS: Mr. Vega was writing Surviving the Gravedigger and wanted to talk to us. PEROTTA: At 5 in the morning? HODGINS: It was a...breakfast meeting. BRENNAN: Were you following us Agent Perotta? PEROTTA: Yes, Dr. Brennan. I was. You two are both suspected of stealing evidence. This (pointing to the crime scene) doesn't exactly clear you of suspicion. HODGINS: (pointing to Vega's body being loaded into a van) Well was he under surveillance? Because a fat lot of good the FBI did him. BRENNAN: Well it appears that he was the one who had the evidence. (Perotta tilts her head) Are we free to go...now? HODGINS: Why not? They have us under surveillance. PEROTTA: (As they walk away) I'll be in touch. (The Hold) (the water is much higher now and Booth climbs onto the catwalk. Teddy is already on it) BOOTH: Tell you what. You were always the guy to be with in a tough spot. TEDDY: You never said anything like that, Sarge. Mostly you just grunted. And made me get coffee. (Booth walks to the door, trying to turn the wheel handle) So what makes you think what's behind that, uh, hatch is going to be any better than the last thing we opened? BOOTH: I'll tell you what. I'm either gonna drown fast, or really, really slow. (He takes off his jacket) TEDDY: (looking down at the rising water) Okay. It's filling up pretty fast here, Sarge. (Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform) (Angela is on speakerphone with Hodgins and Brennan) HODGINS: (on phone) Vega's dead. ANGELA: Oh God. Vega's dead. Right, like murdered, dead? (Brennan's Car) BRENNAN: We had no opportunity to examine the body to... (Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform) (Angela places the phone on its holder) BRENNAN: (on phone) ...examine the remains before the FBI interrupted us. CAM: Woahhh. What? FBI? HODGINS: (on phone) Yup. FBI Special Agent Perotta. BRENNAN: (on phone) We're going to swing by... (Brennan's Car) BRENNAN: ...pick up the evidence and deliver it to the Gravedigger. HODGINS: What? Woah-woah-woah. We just do what he wants? ANGELA: (on phone) We have no other choice... (Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform) ANGELA: ...You spoke to the FBI. HODGINS: (on phone) We didn't talk to the FBI, they talked to us. CAM: Somehow I don't think the Gravedigger is going to take that... (Brennan's Car) CAM: (on phone) ...into consideration. HODGINS: We still have time: to catch the Gravedigger and to save Booth. BRENNAN: (Brennan shakes her head) The odds are not acceptable. HODGINS: Why? BRENNAN: (yelling) Because we don't have Booth to help. CAM: (on phone) Let's be clear here... (Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform) CAM: ...What we intend to do next constitutes felony conspiracy. BRENNAN: (on phone) Not you... (Brennan's Car) BRENNAN: ...Me. I can do it alone. HODGINS: No...No. Nobody does anything alone. Vega was alone. (The Hold) (Teddy bursts from the rising water and climbs back on the catwalk. He has with him a large yellow pipe) BOOTH: What the hell's that supposed to be for? TEDDY: (out of breath) It's a fulcrum, Sarge. We, uh, both work it together. (Teddy places the pipe in the wheel) BOOTH: Yeah, right there. Ready? (Teddy pushes down on the pipe while Booth pulls the wheel up. After pushing a moment the wheel comes lose and Booth opens the door.) BOOTH: Get in. TEDDY: Hey, real people go first, Sarge. BOOTH: (Grabs Teddy by the shirt and pushes him in) Get in before I change my mind, will you? (Realizing he physically touched Teddy, Booth stares at his hand and then walks through the door) (A Room) (Another hatch is being pushed up from the floor. Teddy climbs out, Booth follows. He grabs onto Teddy's shoulder and starts feeling his face and body) TEDDY: Woah...okay...get a grip, Sarge. You're attacking your own hallucination. BOOTH: You are not an hallucination. You helped me open up that hatch. I wouldn't have been able to open up that hatch without you. TEDDY: Okay, okay. So what does that make me? BOOTH: You...are a ghost. TEDDY: I'm a ghost? (Booth turns around and looks at the new room they've entered) Hey, why aren't you scared? (Booth sees a fake skeleton dressed as a pirate) BOOTH: You being a ghost is not even on the list of things that scare me. (There are other decorations in the room like toys and giant stuffed animals) (Another Part of the Room) (Booth is kicking a fence that has he and Teddy trapped in this room) TEDDY: I kept telling you. I said, "learn to pick a lock." You remember your response, Sarge? BOOTH: Yeah. "Any lock worth picking is worth kicking. (he gives the lock another hard kick) And I still stand by it. TEDDY: Oh, hey, please, stand by it. Advice like that. It's a miracle I lived as long as I did. You got a cuff link? BOOTH: Yeah. (he starts to take off a cuff link and looks back to Teddy. Teddy laughs. Booth removes the link and hands it to Teddy. Teddy goes to the lock) BOOTH: 20. TEDDY: What's that? BOOTH: You were 20 years-old when you died. TEDDY: Still am. You, Sarge, I've got to say...you've uh, put a couple years on. Hey is it true that the 30s is when your body really starts going south on you? (Booth moves to another section of fence) Hey, you got any kids, Sarge? BOOTH: Yeah, I got a boy. (He moves to the other side of the fence) TEDDY: (still working on the lock) What's his name? BOOTH: Ah, you're probably going to take this wrong. TEDDY: Why? What'd you do? You name him something stupid like...like Cutter? What, Tanner? (Booth looks down, clearly uncomfortable) Brady? Aw, God, you didn't name him Sebastian? (Booth looks away for a second then back at Teddy) BOOTH: Parker. I named him Parker. TEDDY: That's my name. BOOTH: (Giving the slightest nod) That's your last name. You know and your lock picking sucks. (Booth walks back to the open space of the room. Teddy stands still) TEDDY: You named your kid after me? BOOTH: Yeah. TEDDY: What's he like? BOOTH: He's uh...he's just like a kid you know, but uh, he's even better. TEDDY: (following Booth) Does he like you? BOOTH: Of course he likes me, he loves me. I'm his dad, you know? (he shows Teddy the watch) He even got me this watch. (Booth continues to move away) TEDDY: What about his mom? BOOTH: Yeah, she uh...she likes me. But uh...she didn't love me. (he sees a small door on the wall. He goes to open it) TEDDY: You loved her though? BOOTH: (Looking for away to open the door) Of course I loved her. I still do. (straining to open the door) I just don't like her too much. (He opens the door and it's a window) TEDDY: (holding up the lock) Hey, you saw I picked the lock, right? (Booth places his hands on the glass and looks out. He sees the ocean and ships in the distant harbor.) BOOTH: We're on a ship. TEDDY: Uh...Sarge? BOOTH: (not taking his eyes off the window) Yeah? TEDDY: This particular ship...ain't going to be floating much longer. (Booth turns around. There is C4 lining the walls and ceiling) BOOTH: C4 explosives. (A City Park) (Brennan's car drives by) BRENNAN: (voice from inside car) There's the boundary stone through the clearing. (Brennan parks and Hodgins gets out. Angela and Sweets are in the back seat. Angela is on a computer) ANGELA: This is weird. Something nearby is broadcasting a video signal. (Sweets, Brennan and Angela get out of the car. Hodgins opens up the back hatch and sets up more equipment. Sweets notices something) SWEETS: (pointing) There. A camera. Up in that tree. HODGINS: That's how the Gravedigger will see that we brought what he wants. ANGELA: I might be able to hack into the camera's broadcast frequency. HODGINS: I gotta say, it doesn't seem to be the smartest move to just hand over this evidence. (to Brennan) We need to be rational. We should maximize the chances to catch the Gravedigger, not minimize them. (Angela faces Brennan. Brennan doesn't say anything. Angela swings her around to the side of the car) ANGELA: Listen to me, Brennan. Somebody you love is buried alive. (Brennan looks at her defensively) You're allowed to save them no matter how irrational. BRENNAN: (with her mouth open for a sec before words come out) I don't love Booth. ANGELA: Yes you do. So do I. So do all of us (references Sweets and Hodgins) Just take my advice and hand over the evidence and get Booth. BRENNAN: (thinks for a moment then turns quickly around) Let's do its. Come on. Let's do it. (Brennan and Hodgins bring the briefcase of evidence over to the stone. Angela stands by Sweets at the car trunk) ANGELA: (to Sweets) Watch your monitor. Tell me if anything changes, okay. SWEETS: By anything you mean... ANGELA: Anything. (he nods and turns to his monitor) (Hodgins and Brennan approach the stone. Angela hacks into the video camera.) ANGELA: Okay. I'm in. I've locked into the video feed. (Brennan and Hodgins arrive at the stone. Brennan opens the case of evidence) HODGINS: (leaning to Brennan) Hey, this guy. (looking around) I really, really hate him. (yelling and pointing at the camera) I will find you! (Brennan takes out the vial with the sticker and holds it up to the camera. The video feed zooms in on it) SWEETS: Woah. Did you do that? ANGELA: No. No. Uh. That's the Gravedigger. (the Gravedigger scans the sticker on the video feed) It's the vial he's after. God, and its receiver is within a 500 yard radius. He's really close. (Sweets looks around. Something on his monitor beeps) SWEETS: Oh, uh, Angela, this pointy bit here just got way pointier. ANGELA: At what frequency? SWEETS: 2.2 something. ANGELA: (she looks at the monitor) Oh my God. That signal's not coming from the camera. (she turns from the car and yells to Brennan and Hodgins) Get back! (Brennan and Hodgins look up) Run! (They begin to move away) Run! HODGINS: Go, go. Go, go, go. (he and Brennan sprint away from the stone. The stone blows up behind them and they fall to the ground due to the power of the blast. A car pulls up. Agent Perotta gets out. Hodgins and Brennan are all right and roll over to look at the blast) PEROTTA: What the hell is going on here? HODGINS: (to Brennan) You okay? BRENNAN: Yeah. Come on. (they stand and run back to the car) (FBI - the Conference Room) (Perotta is explaining the situation to Judge Williams and Taffet. Brennan, Angela, Hodgins and Sweets are standing around the table. Brennan looks disheveled.) PEROTTA: We followed Dr. Brennan's car to the Boundary Stone. We arrived moments after the explosion. JUDGE WILLIAMS: What the hell were you people doing? BRENNAN: (confidently) We have nothing to say. PEROTTA: We found evidence at the crime scene believed to be related to the Gravedigger investigation. TAFFET: I believe they returned evidence to the Gravedigger. JUDGE WILLIAMS: Agent Perotta, you will deny all of these people access to this case. BRENNAN: May I make a request, you Honor? I'd like to see Thomas Vega's remains. I need to examine them immediately. (Perotta looks at her) JUDGE WILLIAMS: You will examine nothing. You people will stay away from anything to do with the Gravedigger. [SCENE_BREAK] (The Ship) (Booth is following the wires hooking up the C4) BOOTH: We're on a ship stuffed with toys and explosives. Does that make some kind of sense to you? TEDDY: Yeah. What they do Sarge is they sink ships for reefs. They get school kids to do all their decorating. BOOTH: Why? TEDDY: For the fish, why else? Fish love decorations. (Booth sees something and walks to it. It's the explosives' transponder.) BOOTH: There's a transponder. (he lifts the lid. The countdown says 6:23:11) We have 6 hours and 23 minutes here. (turning to Teddy) What? No ideas. TEDDY: According to you I'm already a ghost. As a result, I got not sense of urgency. BOOTH: I got it. Maybe we can use the transponder to send a signal. TEDDY: But that's the only fail-safe. Once you disconnect the transponder nothing can stop this ship from blowing to hell in...(reads the clock) 6 hours and 22 minutes. (Booth takes a moment but then disconnects the transponder) BOOTH: Sense of urgency now? (FBI Building) (Brennan, Hodgins, Angela and Sweets are walking from the conference room to the elevators) BRENNAN: It's been almost 2 hours. Why hasn't the Gravedigger sent us Booth's coordinates? SWEETS: I think we have to accept that the Gravedigger isn't going to release Booth. He's cleaning up. BRENNAN: Cleaning up? SWEETS: Yeah. He destroyed the evidence. Now he's trying to destroy everyone who'd gotten close to him. (Hodgins hits the elevator button. They wait) Vega, Agent Booth, you and Hodgins. HODGINS: It's over. Booth's dead. It's....my fault. We're out of options. BRENNAN: No. (the elevator doors open. They get in.) No, it's not over. And I know exactly who to ask for help. (the doors shut) (The Restaurant/Bar) (Brennan enters. She walks over and meets Jared who's having a drink at the bar. He stands) JARED: So what's so important you couldn't tell me on the phone? BOOTH: You're brother has been kidnapped by the Gravedigger. JARED: Seeley's been kidnapped? (she nods) When? BRENNAN: Booth will be dead in 6 hours. What I need you to do is hijack the remains of a murder victim and then bring them to me. JARED: I'm in military intelligence, we don't hijack dead bodies. BRENNAN: The victim's name is Thomas Vega. JARED: So you want me to steal the remains of a murder victim from the FBI? BRENNAN: Yes! As soon as possible, please. JARED: I can make a few calls... BRENNAN: (getting angry) No. This is not a situation where you make a few phone calls. JARED: That's who I am, Tempe. I am the guy who makes a few calls. BRENNAN: (visibly angry) Booth has never turned his back on you. You are a selfish coward and you never deserved him. (she storms out) (Jared waits a moment then reaches down and finishes his drink) (The Ship) (Booth is working on the trasnponder) BOOTH: We can feed the uh, transponder signal through the ship's antenna. TEDDY: Well, you told me sometimes you've got to stand and fight and sometimes you got to...run like hell for help. (Booth looks at him for awhile) Flash (Booth's memory: Booth is carrying Teddy's body through a wooded area) BOOTH: Hang on, Teddy. Stay with me. TEDDY: (voice over from the ship) Sarge? Flash TEDDY: Sarge? (Booth shakes his head) BOOTH: You never should have gone on that last mission. (silence) I mean...taking on another sniper that was...that was way beyond your...capabilities. There was...you could...that's why you're haunting me, right? You're...(he nods his head looking for approval) TEDDY: Can't an old army buddy just show up to lend a helping hand? BOOTH: (he thinks about it and nods) Yeah. (He turns back to the transponder. Teddy holds a flashlight up) TEDDY: You got a partner now? BOOTH: Yeah. TEDDY: (turning off the flashlight) You two tight? (Booth stops working. Nods his head and takes a moment to respond) BOOTH: (stumbling over his words) Yeah.. Um...we're uh...you would have...you'd like her. She's... TEDDY: Her? Way to go Sarge... BOOTH: (dismissing his comment) Look, just focus here on....uh...alright, Corporal? Whoever is monitoring the sinking of the ship should be able to pick up the signal, right? TEDDY: Very cool, Sarge. (Booth plugs it in and flips the "On" switch. He looks proud. The transponder sparks and dies out) BOOTH: What? No. TEDDY: You shorted it out. It's useless now. BOOTH: (slamming his hands on the table) No. (Angry and frustrated, Booth picks up the transponder and throws it against the wall then kicks it.) TEDDY: Look, don't worry, Sarge. Hey, at least we still got this flashlight. (Booth, still angry puts his head in his hands) (Medico-Legal Lab) (Vega's body is wheeled in by Jared (in full uniform) and two assistants. He approaches a waiting Cam and Brennan) JARED: Vega's remains. BRENNAN: Thank you. (All three follow the body as it is wheeled towards the platform) (Another Area in the Middle of the Ship) (Booth is walking and looking for a way out. Teddy follows holding the flashlight) TEDDY: So...just to sum things up. The ship's about to explode and now there's no way to stop it. BOOTH: Rub it in. I got you killed twice. TEDDY: Where we going? BOOTH: We got to get out of here. TEDDY: Hey, even if we get out onto the deck, we're gonna have to jump into the ocean. BOOTH: That's right. TEDDY: Where if the fall doesn't kill us we'll get hypothermia and drown. BOOTH: Oh no. I get hypothermia and drown. Who knows what'll happen to you? TEDDY: If you die Sarge, I'm gone. There's not a single person left on the planet who will remember me. It'd be like I was never here. BOOTH: No. TEDDY: No? BOOTH: No. There's...there's that uh...girl. She won't forget you. TEDDY: You mean Claire? BOOTH: Yeah, Claire. You know, every...day on the anniversary of your death I...I go to your grave and I uh...I visit you. And there's always flowers from Claire. TEDDY: Did you ever see her? BOOTH: From a distance, yeah. TEDDY: Why don't you talk to her? BOOTH: She blames me for your death. TEDDY: That's crazy. BOOTH: That's not crazy. (he looks at Teddy for a second, and then walks by as he changes direction) I blame me too. (They turn a corner and find another open area) Here we go. TEDDY: Sarge? BOOTH: Yeah. TEDDY: Tomorrow's the anniversary. I need a favor. BOOTH: If I survive this, anything. TEDDY: I need you to tell Claire I loved her. BOOTH: You never told her? TEDDY: I was 20. I didn't know how to say it. BOOTH: What? You say, "I love you." I mean, what's so hard about that? TEDDY: What? You've never loved somebody and didn't say it to 'em? (Booth thinks about this for a moment, says nothing and walks away to a wall) So maybe that's why I'm here. To get you to say "I love you" to somebody. BOOTH: (feeling the wall) We can get through here. TEDDY: Get through the solid metal wall? BOOTH: No, the stairs. You see, the stairs. (he motions to the bolts from the stairs attached to the wall on the other side) The thinnest interior bulkhead of a ship is going to be along the stairs. We're going to blast our way through this. (Medico Legal Lab: The Platform) (Brennan and Cam are examining Vega's body) CAM: Rigor indicates he's been dead less than 24 hours. About the same time Booth disappeared. (Jared looks towards his assistants who are conversing) BRENNAN: Vega must have been killed just after we were threatened by that judge. CAM: Two full thickness burns to the posterior triangle of the neck corresponding with a high-amperage stun gun. BRENNAN: (to herself) Stun gun... CAM: (to Jared) How'd you pull this off? JARED: It's masked as a Military Intelligence Operation. National Security. BRENNAN: Well how long before they find out the truth? JARED: Not long if you keep talking so loud. CAM: You're going to get in trouble, Jared. Definitely lose your job. JARED: I'm aware. BRENNAN: (looking at the neck) These burn marks are not in the usual place. On all the other victims they were equidistant from the inferior nuchal line. This time, they're angled about 4 cm to the right. (pointing to the wounds on the chest) This is deep. The stun gun was held here near his heart for an extended time. CAM: Caused fatal fibrillation, that would be cause of death. (Brennan looks at Vega's arm then walks to his x-rays displayed on a monitor) BRENNAN: Here's a hairline fracture to the olecranon process of the right ulna. JARED: What does that mean? BRENNAN: The victim damaged his right medial and lateral epicondyles as well as his coronoid fossa, possibly consistent with a defensive response to a posterior assault. CAM: (turning to Jared) Our victim got a piece of the bad guy. BRENNAN: He elbowed the assailant. Striking someone that hard, there's going to be damage...at least broken ribs. (The Ship) (Booth stripping the ends of C4 wiring. Teddy enters with a C4 brick molded into the shape of a mermaid) TEDDY: Got it. BOOTH: Good job, kid. What the hell is that supposed to be? TEDDY: A well shaped charge. It's a mermaid, you get it? It's not sexist cause she's mostly fish. BOOTH: Right... (Booth takes it and sticks it to the wall.) Okay...all we need now is a power source. (Teddy looks at the flashlight in his hand then shines it on Booth) Right. That was what the flashlight was for. (Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform) (Hodgins and Brennan are working. Jared is observing. The alarms for the platform go off. Taffet approaches) TAFFET: I have an injunction here reclaiming jurisdiction in this case. JARED: On what grounds? (Hodgins swipes his card to turn off the alarms) TAFFET: One missing FBI agent is not a case of National Security. JARED: (to his assistants) Grab a coffee guys. BRENNAN: (walking over to Taffet) Do you have the warrant? TAFFET: (she shows her the warrant. her right arm shakes) Right here...signed by the judge. BRENNAN: (getting suspicious) I don't think there's any more reason for us to keep the truth from Ms. Taffet. JARED: (confused) No. What? Wait, no, the Gravedigger said that we... TAFFET: (interrupting) You've been in touch with the Gravedigger? The Gravedigger has Agent Booth? BRENNAN: (whispering to Hodgins) She can't seem to extend her arm. HODGINS: What? (Taffet stares at him) Oh. BRENNAN: What do you think? JARED: About what? HODGINS: It's...(shakes his head)...possible. She had complete access to FBI files and evidence. Nobody wanted the Gravedigger case; it's a career killer. But with Kurland out of the way... BRENNAN: Have you injured yourself recently, Ms. Taffet? TAFFET: What the hell does that have to do with anything? (Hodgins lunges towards Taffet. Jared and Brennan hold him back) BRENNAN: (to Jared) Don't let Dr. Hodgins go. Could I see the warrant, please? (As Taffet struggles to raise her arm, Brennan hits her in the rib cage. Taffet bends over in pain) Broken ribs. JARED: She's the Gravedigger? HODGINS: It's her. JARED: Can you prove it? BRENNAN: No, we can't. Is that a problem? JARED: Not for me. (he lets go of Hodgins and walks to Taffet. He grabs her neck and straightens her up.) You got a place to lock her up? (Medico-Legal Lab: An Office) (Jared binds Taffet's hands together behind her back and slams her into a chair. Brennan, Angela, Cam, Hodgins and Sweets surround her) BRENNAN: Where's Booth? (Taffet says nothing) SWEETS: She's not going to say anything. BRENNAN: You haven't even asked. SWEETS: Yeah, I've read extensively on the Gravedigger. I'm acquainted with the profile: very intelligent, very calm. She won't speak. CAM: Then what do we do? HODGINS: (to Jared) You have to do "spring cleaning" on her. ANGELA: What is that? Is that some kind of torture or something? JARED: Nothing. It doesn't exist. HODGINS: The government keeps secret, black, illegal files on every US citizen. It's called "spring cleaning" because everything's brought out into the light and turned upside down. SWEETS: (to Jared) Okay, that is complete paranoia. Right? JARED: (he pauses) I'll need access to a secure terminal. CAM: Follow me. (She exits) JARED: (to Hodgins, as he exits) And only conspiracy nuts call it "spring cleaning." (The Ship) (Booth is placing the wires into the C4) TEDDY: Uh, Sarge? BOOTH: Corporal Parker, I really need you to stifle yourself at this juncture, okay? TEDDY: Okay. Yeah, I get it. I mean if these two leads touch, that explodes, you become Booth jam. BOOTH: That's correct. (he kneels down to adjust the leads) TEDDY: Of course, say a bead of sweat completes the circuit...then...BOOM! (he laughs) BOOTH: (looking up) Uh huh. (pushing the leads closer together) TEDDY: Can I ask you one more question? BOOTH: (annoyed) What is it, Corporal? TEDDY: It's just...how are you going to complete the circuit from a 100 yards away...at which distance you might survive the blast? BOOTH: One thing at a time, okay? TEDDY: Okay. (he stands and runs to hide) BOOTH: First time I've ever heard of a cowardly ghost. What a wuss. (Medico-Legal Lab: An Office) (Taffet is sitting silently in the chair. Hodgins steps closer) HODGINS: I'd like to kill you. (Taffet glares up at him) I hate her. I think I could murder her. BRENNAN: If any group of people can murder someone...and get away with it...it would be us. (Jared strides in. He whips Taffet's chair around to face him) JARED: I'm not going to ask you any questions, I'm just gonna tell you what's going on, right now. (As Jared speaks, a montage of the FBI entering a storage locker and discovering a van with her Gravedigger supplies is edited together with Jared speaking to Taffet) I went through your file. As Heather Taffet you have led a very tiny, transparent life. But in 1998 you married a man named William Burton for exactly one month before you had the marriage annulled...which was long enough to create an entire identity...a whole untraceable identity...which you used for one thing, and one thing only: to rent a storage locker in Spring Hill. (right into Taffet's ear) I got you bitch. (he spins her back around. she shows no emotion) (The Ship) (Booth removes his Cocky belt buckle and places it on the ground between the two leads. he takes a step back behind a wall holding a long pipe. he reaches with the pipe to push the buckle to connect the leads. he's too far away and the pipe isn't long enough) BOOTH: God, I got to get closer. TEDDY: You're too close now, Sarge. (Booth tries again fails) Too close. Look, I'll get it. (he steps from behind his wall and picks up the belt buckle and brings it back to Booth. They both step as far away as possible) BOOTH: Teddy. (Teddy smiles at Booth and slides the buckle across the floor to the leads, triggering the explosion. Booth and Teddy are thrown back. Teddy is injured and bleeding, Booth is on his back. a beam falls from the ceiling.) (Medico-Legal Lab: An Office) (Taffet is still not speaking and Hodgins is getting frustrated. he approaches Sweets) HODGINS: You got to get your hands on some truth telling drugs. SWEETS: (confused) What? HODGINS: (looking at his watch) Would you rather torture her? JARED: I know a little bit about that. SWEETS: No. What? We don't do that. BRENNAN: Booth will die. SWEETS: Character is who you are under pressure, not who you are when everything's fine. We're the good guys, we don't...we don't torture people. CAM: (stepping towards Taffet) Evidence is being compiled against you Ms. Taffet. Tell us where Agent Booth is. You don't want another murder on your head. SWEETS: See that's not going to work. Her pathology necessitates controlling the game. She's created her own morality. She's not going to relinquish control. ANGELA: (entering) Hey, they brought in everything from her storage locker. CAM: (following Angela from the room) Back to work. (Jared and Hodgins follow her) (The Ship) (Teddy's shoulder is injured and he is lying against the wall. Booth crawls to him) BOOTH: Teddy? TEDDY: Yeah. BOOTH: (squinting) I can't see very well. I looked at the flash. Are you okay? Huh? TEDDY: (groaning) Uhhh, I think I could use some help. (Booth looks over his wounds) Flash (Booth's memory: Booth crawls over to Teddy's body that's lying on the ground and removes his helmet. he begins to hoist him over his shoulders) Flash BOOTH: Is that light? (he looks towards where the explosion went off. there is a gaping hole in the wall with stairs on the other side.) Did we find a way out? TEDDY: We always find a way out, Sarge. BOOTH: (throws Teddy's arm over his shoulder and helps him to stand) I'll be your legs, you be my eyes. Come on, Ted. (Teddy screams in pain as they stand) Which way, Corporal? TEDDY: Towards the light. (they slowly move towards the stairs) Now that sounds bad, huh? Move towards the light. (they laugh a little and continue their way to the stairs) (Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform) (Taffet's boots and supplies are laid out on a table. Hodgins picks up one of the boots to examine) HODGINS: Hold up, these boots were worn recently. (He takes it over to examine under the light and microscopes) ANGELA: Hey, uh, Jared, can I see your black file of "spring cleaning" or whatever? JARED: (handing his PDA to Angela) Contents are on my PDA. CAM: (to Hodgins) Talk to me while you analyze. HODGINS: Aedes Sollicitans? It's a common marsh mosquito. Blood's still in its gut. CAM: Indicating it was worn how recently? HODGINS: At least in the last 24 hours for sure, but wait a second. (he tweezes something out of the treads of the boot) I got some paint chips here. CAM: (while Hodgins is placing it in a petri dish) Run it through the Mass Spec See if there's anything special about that paint. HODGINS: (moving away) Yup, I'm on it. (The Ship) (Booth and Teddy are slow ascending the stairs to the deck of the ship) BOOTH: You still with me, Teddy? TEDDY: Yeah. But I got to tell you, I feel like we've kinda...been here before. BOOTH: I'm sorry I got you killed. Flash (Booth's memory: Booth and Teddy are setting up their guns to take out the target. They are covered in camouflage netting. Booth is concentrating on his gun and Teddy leans up a little and gets shot in the chest) BOOTH: (voice over from ship) I was so anxious to get off that shot, take out my target that I forgot to tell you... Flash (They are still moving up through the ship) TEDDY: You told me to get down twice. You gave the order. I didn't listen. BOOTH: What? (They reach the bottom of another set of stairs) TEDDY: Sarge, stop. (Booth stops) I didn't come here to haunt you. I came to tell you it wasn't your fault. (Booth looks at him) Flash (Booth's memory: Teddy is lying on the ground, dead. Booth is sitting next to the body and staring into the ground. He takes no notice of the surrounding helicopters) Flash (Booth begins to haul Teddy up the stairs) (Medico-Legal Lab: The Platform) (Hodgins is reading the results of the Mass Spec analysis on the paint chips) HODGINS: Active amine hydrogren, epoxy, hydroxyapatite and silica. (Angela looks up from reading Jared's PDA) It's...it's an obsolete composition of deck coating used by the Navy prior to 1961. CAM: So she was on a Navy vessel within the last 24 hours? HODGINS: Yes! Yeah, an old one. Most likely decommissioned. (Angela has a look of realization) ANGELA: Wait a minute, a ship? Listen to this. (crossing to Hodgins and Cam while reading from the PDA) Taffet was a volunteer at the aquarium. They were prepping some sort of old Navy ship to be sunk. HODGINS: What? ANGELA: They're making some sort of reef. JARED: The Navy's not afraid of explosions or sinking ships. (he takes his PDA back from Angela and speed dials a number) Plus it'll really annoy my brother, the Army Ranger, to be saved by a Squid. (he walks off the platform to call for help. The countdown on the monitor reads 28:04) (Medico-Legal Lab: An Office) (Angela enters) ANGELA: Brennan, they know where Booth is. Jared is getting a helicopter to take you there. He's on an old Navy ship. (Brennan begins to exit but on her way out picks up a briefcase and smacks Taffet with it. Taffet flies off her chair and falls on her side. Satisfied, Brennan storms out, throwing the case down.) (The Ship) (Booth is still helping Teddy along as they're almost to the deck of the ship) TEDDY: Put me down, Sarge. You don't have to carry me anymore. BOOTH: It doesn't work that way Teddy. (They arrive to the last set of stairs where Booth sees the door to the deck) (A Helicopter) (Brennan is riding in the helicopter over the ocean out to the ship. She's on the phone with Jared through the helicopter's headset) JARED: (on phone) Temperance, can you hear me? I'm patched through via cell phone. BRENNAN: Jared? What? I don't understand, why aren't you here... (A Navy Building) (Jared is in handcuffs with an officer holding a cell phone up to him) BRENNAN: (on phone) ... on the helicopter with me? JARED: Typical Navy red tape, nothing to worry about. But listen. They couldn't... (A Helicopter) JARED: (on phone) ...cancel the detonation. Something's wrong with the transponder. BRENNAN: What do we do now? (A Navy Building) JARED: The ship blows in 9 minutes. They Navy's only given you 5 to get there and get Seeley off. BRENNAN: (on phone, upset) No, Jared... (A Helicopter) BRENNAN: ...Booth could be anywhere on that ship. 5 minutes is not enough time. (A Navy Building) JARED: These guys don't negotiate, Tempe. They won't risk anymore lives. (A Helicopter) BRENNAN: Are you alright? (A Navy Building) JARED: It's all worth it as long as you save my brother. (A Helicopter) (Brennan looks hopeless knowing that if Booth isn't near the deck there's no way to save him.) (The Deck of the Ship) (Booth and Teddy are walking through the door onto the deck) TEDDY: Rangers lead the way, Sarge. BOOTH: (out of breath) Right, just lead the way, Corporal. (he puts Teddy down against the wall) There. Alright? (Booth looks up and sees the helicopter approaching) TEDDY: Sarge? (Booth looks from the helicopter back to Teddy) I knew what you did for me...How far you carried me. (Booth looks at the helicopter again to see if it's landed) Sarge? (Booth looks back at Teddy again) One more thing I got to tell you. (Booth steps to him) No way you're getting the deposit back on that tux. (Booth and Teddy both smile) (The helicopter lands and a helicopter guy opens the door) BRENNAN: (yelling) Booth! (he looks up and sees her) Hurry! (motioning with her hands) Come on! (Booth looks back once more at Teddy, but his body is gone. he looks confused) BRENNAN: (yelling and still motioning) Hurry, Booth, come on! (Booth begins to step towards the helicopter but stops again to look back again at where Teddy was laying. Brennan yells again, much more intensely since he isn't running to the helicopter) Booth, come on! Hurry! (Booth finally steps back then turns and jogs to the helicopter. while running, he looks back a few more times to where Teddy was. he climbs in the helicopter and the guy shuts the door. Booth sits and Brennan grabs him for a long hug. She puts her head in his shoulder while he still looks confused and disoriented but glad to be safe. The helicopter takes off from the ship and as it flies away the ship explodes behind them) (Arlington National Cemetery) (Booth and Brennan are standing looking out over all the white headstones) BOOTH: Thanks for coming to get me, Bones. BRENNAN: You should have stayed in the hospital another day. BOOTH: No, I didn't mean...get me out of the hospital. I meant...coming out on the helicopter...and the ship. Thanks for saving my life. (She nods her head and looks at the ground but doesn't say anything) BRENNAN: (pulling something out of her pocket) I got you this. (it's a new Cocky belt buckle. she hands it to Booth) BOOTH: (laughing, smiling and holding up the buckle) Cocky! How'd you find that? That's hard to find. BRENNAN: (after a moment) I read through your report. It seems as if you would need 2 people to do most of what you did. BOOTH: I had help. There was a ghost. BRENNAN: You were injured, drugged, disoriented, breathing bad air...There are no such things as ghosts. BOOTH: Whatever you have to tell yourself there, Bones. (She scoffs and he says nothing) BRENNAN: (pausing) Who's ghost? BOOTH: (pointing) He's buried over there. BRENNAN: The ghost? BOOTH: Corporal Edward Parker. He was slain while serving his country. (pauses) He was 20. He was just a kid. BRENNAN: Was it...your fault that he died? BOOTH: (pauses and shakes his head) No. Fortunes of war. It wasn't my fault. (she nods her head) You see that woman over there? (Claire walks up to Teddy's grave with flowers) Her name is Claire. I have a message for her from Teddy. (he pauses then walks to the grave) BRENNAN: (confused) What, a message from a ghost? BOOTH: (turning his head back) You wait here, okay? BRENNAN: But you're gonna deliver a message to that woman...from a ghost? (he continues to walk) (from the distance, Brennan watches Booth approach Claire, talk to her and give her a hug. Teddy walks by her in full uniform. Brennan sees him.) TEDDY: Beautiful day. Makes you feel glad to be alive, doesn't it? BRENNAN: (nodding) Yes, it does. (she looks back to Booth) (Booth and Claire finish hugging and she places her flowers on the grave. he looks back to Brennan and sees Teddy standing behind her. Teddy waves. Booth waves back as Claire stands. Brennan, thinking Booth was waving at her, waves back. Teddy smiles and walks away)

The evidence from the Gravedigger case has gone missing. Brennan and Hodgins, who have not fully recovered from being buried alive, are suspected of taking it. On the night of a ceremony recognizing Brennan, Booth gets knocked out, tasered, pumped full of drugs, and stuffed in a toy-like yellow submarine. When he gets out of the tiny submarine, Booth finds himself face to face with someone from his military past. The team works on locating Booth and finding who is behind the kidnapping, with the help of Booth's brother Jared. Agent Perotta also appears.