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xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipldlrx | ipkjk02 | 1,663,939,056 | 1,663,915,771 | 5 | 3 | Ha mate, it’s because you don’t know what it is to work normal working hours. At the end of my PhD my idea of “slacking off” was most of my friends’ version of working unhealthily long hours. Also sounds a bit like me where I’ll spend one or two days really focussing, get a weeks worth of work done and then feel guilty for not having much to do the rest of the week. I’ve learnt to accept it now, I’m not going to fill my time with “busy work” just for the sake of it. | Oh gosh! I can feel you because I suffer from the same problem. I am constantly finding myself caught in procrastination. Somedays I struggle with focusing on work, reading and experiments. I asked myself several times if I hqve ADHD. | 1 | 23,285 | 1.666667 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipldlrx | ipkjpqb | 1,663,939,056 | 1,663,915,905 | 5 | 3 | Ha mate, it’s because you don’t know what it is to work normal working hours. At the end of my PhD my idea of “slacking off” was most of my friends’ version of working unhealthily long hours. Also sounds a bit like me where I’ll spend one or two days really focussing, get a weeks worth of work done and then feel guilty for not having much to do the rest of the week. I’ve learnt to accept it now, I’m not going to fill my time with “busy work” just for the sake of it. | It seems to me that you are working fine. You have a problem of judging yourself very hard. Maybe it calms you that I am reading your problems while I could really spend my time better, but I try not to care too much. You can't be perfect, you won't be perfect. You judge yourself because you feel obligated to spend your time better. It is also important to waste time and not feeling bad about it. | 1 | 23,151 | 1.666667 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipkn09k | ipldlrx | 1,663,918,874 | 1,663,939,056 | 4 | 5 | I'm just an undergraduate with no plans to go I to academia, but is it really that much of a problem? I do pretty much the same thing and don't find it too difficult to work around, so especially if your job is flexible you should simply keep doing it. You're a professional theoretical astrophysicist (!) maybe your brain just needs to rest sometimes. | Ha mate, it’s because you don’t know what it is to work normal working hours. At the end of my PhD my idea of “slacking off” was most of my friends’ version of working unhealthily long hours. Also sounds a bit like me where I’ll spend one or two days really focussing, get a weeks worth of work done and then feel guilty for not having much to do the rest of the week. I’ve learnt to accept it now, I’m not going to fill my time with “busy work” just for the sake of it. | 0 | 20,182 | 1.25 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipkjk02 | ipkn09k | 1,663,915,771 | 1,663,918,874 | 3 | 4 | Oh gosh! I can feel you because I suffer from the same problem. I am constantly finding myself caught in procrastination. Somedays I struggle with focusing on work, reading and experiments. I asked myself several times if I hqve ADHD. | I'm just an undergraduate with no plans to go I to academia, but is it really that much of a problem? I do pretty much the same thing and don't find it too difficult to work around, so especially if your job is flexible you should simply keep doing it. You're a professional theoretical astrophysicist (!) maybe your brain just needs to rest sometimes. | 0 | 3,103 | 1.333333 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipkjk02 | ipl4ryi | 1,663,915,771 | 1,663,933,968 | 3 | 5 | Oh gosh! I can feel you because I suffer from the same problem. I am constantly finding myself caught in procrastination. Somedays I struggle with focusing on work, reading and experiments. I asked myself several times if I hqve ADHD. | Also keep in mind that for every hour of actual writing, there are often many hours of thinking involved including a lot of times outside of those 9-5 hours and even sometimes at night. As for those lawyers and surgeons pulling 12 hour shifts on paper, that's just stupid. Outside of mindless tasks, everything beyond a certain point is done at an insufficient level of concentration. That's why there are so many medical malpractice lawsuits in the US. At top law firms where lawyers MUST bill a certain amount of hours to keep their job, you don't think some of those hours are seriously fudged at the end of the month? If they just think about a case and work through it in their head, they are billing that time. It workers IT theory work a lot of hours per week, but a lot of their time is being "on-call", so let's not pretend that most of them aren't playing video games at home when the systems are up and running fine and nobody is calling. A goof friend of mine worked a normal 9-5 office job. He explained that yes, they have to be there the whole time, but everyone just knows that nobody does any work on Monday mornings, Friday afternoons, or the first hours of each work day. In short, hours logged is a shit metric for productivity. Some of the countries with the highest productivity rates, have some of the shortest working weeks. That may seem strange at first, but of course that is the way it is -- after a certain point each extra hour of course has diminishing returns. Big companies sell their services as if the people working for them as super-humans, but none of them are -- we all have limits to the time we can spend concentrating and staring at a screen. For us academics, it just looks like we are not that productive because we are not sitting at a desk writing for 8-10 hours a day, but that doesn't give you the whole picture. My wife sat down and wrote 2 hours a day 5 days a week during her PhD. That's it. The rest of the time was just to think and read and be involved in things. She just won a prize for the best article by a young researcher at her university. | 0 | 18,197 | 1.666667 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipkjk02 | iplqtzq | 1,663,915,771 | 1,663,945,396 | 3 | 4 | Oh gosh! I can feel you because I suffer from the same problem. I am constantly finding myself caught in procrastination. Somedays I struggle with focusing on work, reading and experiments. I asked myself several times if I hqve ADHD. | So I can't speak for others, but I had a very similar experience. And it in fact continued all the way into being a TT professor. And it made me pretty miserable because it felt like something I couldn't change, it contributed to a lot of stress and anxiety, and it would ultimately be sort of self-sabotaging because I would sort of "shut down" when I had too many deadlines looming, which just made things worse. And for a long time I thought, well, heck, I guess this is just how I'm built, and I'm doomed to these habits forever. Because I just wasn't industrious the way some people were. (And people saying on here that nobody is really "that" industrious are probably wrong. My wife is "that" industrious, so I've seen someone first hand, for years, who can just sit down and churn out the work and then stop at the end of the day and proclaim victory and not constantly feel miserable about all of the things she is behind on. Some people are just like this! It's infuriating!) But at some point a few years ago, the anxiety produced by all of this finally hit a tipping point. I was feeling terrible and miserable a lot of the time, and was even having classic physiological symptoms of stress (like weird chest pains that turned out to be nothing), and I finally decided, you know, maybe I should talk to somebody about this. The fact that I was starting to stare down turning 40 probably played a role in this as well, because I knew that whatever your state of health (physical and mental) was in your late 30s-early 40s played a huge role in your happiness and healthiness later in life. So I looked up which therapists my insurance would pay for (shout out to Zocdoc for making that easy to do), and set up an appointment, and just started telling someone about all of this. And my god — it actually helped! Not so much for the things they told me back again, though some of those helped (breathing exercises, realistic expectations, strategizing about ways to avoid getting too burned out, etc.), but just verbalizing it helped me to see what it was and it wasn't, and the routine of telling someone what I did and didn't do well once every few weeks started really helping me keep _myself_ more accountable. And it encouraged me to really zoom in on my life habits and look for ways to improve them, including (but not limited to) exercising, better sleep habits, better work habits (like trying to do work in different physical spaces than I do non-work), better relationship habits, and so on. And it gave me a forum to talk about some of the other things that would creep into my mind, like why external validation didn't seem to make me as happy as I expected it to (which is something hard to wrap your head around if you've done a good job of achieving it, believing it is what you want). The specific variety of therapy I went with was CBT, which is more about "can we debug your behaviors by being attentive to them and the cycles you fall into" than the "how do you feel about your mother" style of therapy (I've studied enough Freud to be very dubious about psychoanalysis, so that worked for me to be more behavioral), but there are many flavors of therapy out there. And it also helped me realize that some of this was probably just a brain chemistry thing as well, which can be medicated in various ways if you want to try going down that path. This kind of thing, as an aside, is totally common and totally normal and not even that interesting, except for the fact that adults tend not to talk about it with other adults. It's been several years now since the "tipping point" and I can genuinely say that my habits are better, my life feels better, and I don't feel the need to see anyone anymore, because I've become a lot more self-sufficient at "debugging" myself. That doesn't mean I'm not behind on things (it turns out that procrastination didn't _help_ my workload issue, but ultimately one only has so much time in a day, so if you take on too many projects and responsibilities, you will _always_ be behind, no matter what), it doesn't mean I'm an automaton, it doesn't mean I'm nearly as industrious as my wife, but I don't tend to procrastinate days away as a stress activity the way I used to, and my anxiety is at what I think of as "realistic" levels (e.g., the anxiety you probably _ought_ to feel as an academic in the modern world, but not something crippling). My story is just my story, etc., but I think the generalizable point is a) talking to someone about this — not Reddit — is probably the next thing you ought to try, and the easiest way to do this is someone who is literally trained and paid to listen to you talk about it and is required by law to keep everything you say a secret, b) none of this is going to change overnight, but you could start taking a step in the right direction TODAY if you chose to (just set up that appointment, and I guarantee that very activity will make you start to feel more in control), and c) this is probably something that you will be dealing with your entire life, but it is probably totally possible to get into a place where you don't feel like you are fighting yourself constantly (which is how I felt). Anyway, good luck. You've already taken one big step in posting this to Reddit, which is a sign you're interested in actual change. Take the next one. | 0 | 29,625 | 1.333333 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipkn09k | ipkjpqb | 1,663,918,874 | 1,663,915,905 | 4 | 3 | I'm just an undergraduate with no plans to go I to academia, but is it really that much of a problem? I do pretty much the same thing and don't find it too difficult to work around, so especially if your job is flexible you should simply keep doing it. You're a professional theoretical astrophysicist (!) maybe your brain just needs to rest sometimes. | It seems to me that you are working fine. You have a problem of judging yourself very hard. Maybe it calms you that I am reading your problems while I could really spend my time better, but I try not to care too much. You can't be perfect, you won't be perfect. You judge yourself because you feel obligated to spend your time better. It is also important to waste time and not feeling bad about it. | 1 | 2,969 | 1.333333 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipkjpqb | ipl4ryi | 1,663,915,905 | 1,663,933,968 | 3 | 5 | It seems to me that you are working fine. You have a problem of judging yourself very hard. Maybe it calms you that I am reading your problems while I could really spend my time better, but I try not to care too much. You can't be perfect, you won't be perfect. You judge yourself because you feel obligated to spend your time better. It is also important to waste time and not feeling bad about it. | Also keep in mind that for every hour of actual writing, there are often many hours of thinking involved including a lot of times outside of those 9-5 hours and even sometimes at night. As for those lawyers and surgeons pulling 12 hour shifts on paper, that's just stupid. Outside of mindless tasks, everything beyond a certain point is done at an insufficient level of concentration. That's why there are so many medical malpractice lawsuits in the US. At top law firms where lawyers MUST bill a certain amount of hours to keep their job, you don't think some of those hours are seriously fudged at the end of the month? If they just think about a case and work through it in their head, they are billing that time. It workers IT theory work a lot of hours per week, but a lot of their time is being "on-call", so let's not pretend that most of them aren't playing video games at home when the systems are up and running fine and nobody is calling. A goof friend of mine worked a normal 9-5 office job. He explained that yes, they have to be there the whole time, but everyone just knows that nobody does any work on Monday mornings, Friday afternoons, or the first hours of each work day. In short, hours logged is a shit metric for productivity. Some of the countries with the highest productivity rates, have some of the shortest working weeks. That may seem strange at first, but of course that is the way it is -- after a certain point each extra hour of course has diminishing returns. Big companies sell their services as if the people working for them as super-humans, but none of them are -- we all have limits to the time we can spend concentrating and staring at a screen. For us academics, it just looks like we are not that productive because we are not sitting at a desk writing for 8-10 hours a day, but that doesn't give you the whole picture. My wife sat down and wrote 2 hours a day 5 days a week during her PhD. That's it. The rest of the time was just to think and read and be involved in things. She just won a prize for the best article by a young researcher at her university. | 0 | 18,063 | 1.666667 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipkjpqb | iplqtzq | 1,663,915,905 | 1,663,945,396 | 3 | 4 | It seems to me that you are working fine. You have a problem of judging yourself very hard. Maybe it calms you that I am reading your problems while I could really spend my time better, but I try not to care too much. You can't be perfect, you won't be perfect. You judge yourself because you feel obligated to spend your time better. It is also important to waste time and not feeling bad about it. | So I can't speak for others, but I had a very similar experience. And it in fact continued all the way into being a TT professor. And it made me pretty miserable because it felt like something I couldn't change, it contributed to a lot of stress and anxiety, and it would ultimately be sort of self-sabotaging because I would sort of "shut down" when I had too many deadlines looming, which just made things worse. And for a long time I thought, well, heck, I guess this is just how I'm built, and I'm doomed to these habits forever. Because I just wasn't industrious the way some people were. (And people saying on here that nobody is really "that" industrious are probably wrong. My wife is "that" industrious, so I've seen someone first hand, for years, who can just sit down and churn out the work and then stop at the end of the day and proclaim victory and not constantly feel miserable about all of the things she is behind on. Some people are just like this! It's infuriating!) But at some point a few years ago, the anxiety produced by all of this finally hit a tipping point. I was feeling terrible and miserable a lot of the time, and was even having classic physiological symptoms of stress (like weird chest pains that turned out to be nothing), and I finally decided, you know, maybe I should talk to somebody about this. The fact that I was starting to stare down turning 40 probably played a role in this as well, because I knew that whatever your state of health (physical and mental) was in your late 30s-early 40s played a huge role in your happiness and healthiness later in life. So I looked up which therapists my insurance would pay for (shout out to Zocdoc for making that easy to do), and set up an appointment, and just started telling someone about all of this. And my god — it actually helped! Not so much for the things they told me back again, though some of those helped (breathing exercises, realistic expectations, strategizing about ways to avoid getting too burned out, etc.), but just verbalizing it helped me to see what it was and it wasn't, and the routine of telling someone what I did and didn't do well once every few weeks started really helping me keep _myself_ more accountable. And it encouraged me to really zoom in on my life habits and look for ways to improve them, including (but not limited to) exercising, better sleep habits, better work habits (like trying to do work in different physical spaces than I do non-work), better relationship habits, and so on. And it gave me a forum to talk about some of the other things that would creep into my mind, like why external validation didn't seem to make me as happy as I expected it to (which is something hard to wrap your head around if you've done a good job of achieving it, believing it is what you want). The specific variety of therapy I went with was CBT, which is more about "can we debug your behaviors by being attentive to them and the cycles you fall into" than the "how do you feel about your mother" style of therapy (I've studied enough Freud to be very dubious about psychoanalysis, so that worked for me to be more behavioral), but there are many flavors of therapy out there. And it also helped me realize that some of this was probably just a brain chemistry thing as well, which can be medicated in various ways if you want to try going down that path. This kind of thing, as an aside, is totally common and totally normal and not even that interesting, except for the fact that adults tend not to talk about it with other adults. It's been several years now since the "tipping point" and I can genuinely say that my habits are better, my life feels better, and I don't feel the need to see anyone anymore, because I've become a lot more self-sufficient at "debugging" myself. That doesn't mean I'm not behind on things (it turns out that procrastination didn't _help_ my workload issue, but ultimately one only has so much time in a day, so if you take on too many projects and responsibilities, you will _always_ be behind, no matter what), it doesn't mean I'm an automaton, it doesn't mean I'm nearly as industrious as my wife, but I don't tend to procrastinate days away as a stress activity the way I used to, and my anxiety is at what I think of as "realistic" levels (e.g., the anxiety you probably _ought_ to feel as an academic in the modern world, but not something crippling). My story is just my story, etc., but I think the generalizable point is a) talking to someone about this — not Reddit — is probably the next thing you ought to try, and the easiest way to do this is someone who is literally trained and paid to listen to you talk about it and is required by law to keep everything you say a secret, b) none of this is going to change overnight, but you could start taking a step in the right direction TODAY if you chose to (just set up that appointment, and I guarantee that very activity will make you start to feel more in control), and c) this is probably something that you will be dealing with your entire life, but it is probably totally possible to get into a place where you don't feel like you are fighting yourself constantly (which is how I felt). Anyway, good luck. You've already taken one big step in posting this to Reddit, which is a sign you're interested in actual change. Take the next one. | 0 | 29,491 | 1.333333 |
xllc9i | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Why am I slacking off days even in my post-PhD life? Background: I recently received my PhD (30F). I worked very hard to secure a good postdoc fellowship during my PhD. Now that I am here, I am finding myself in some patterns and old habits of slacking off that I am quite alarmed by. During graduate school I had a cycles that once every few weeks I had developed a habit of just lazing around and binge watching or slacking off. This was true even I managed to shutt off all SM on phone and laptop. I would find just some way to surf the internet and search random stuff...the day(s) would just pass by. Until, I snapped out of it and back to work. Somehow this cycle felt more acceptable in graduate school because I was just a "student" after all. Now that I am officially in a postdoc position, for the first time it's hitting me that this is goddamn real job with real money. It's hitting me that there are other 30 year olds in other fields working their ass of 10 -12hours a day for a living, with a serious work ethic. I guess part of being an academic is that you set your own milestones and there is a very little accountability to others. Everyone in my work place kinda works remotely (theoretical astrophysics) and so I don't have a community around me. I am not lonely. I am currently staying with parents (Asian fam here), eat well and excercise regularly. Yet, this last 10 days, when I go back to my computer I have found every excuse to not work (even with all SM blocked). I am sitting here feeling so alarmed because I realize this is an unhealthy work ethic. Don't get me wrong - I am good at what I do..I've published in top journals, won many awards, and this prestigious postdoc fellowship - but I've come to realize that I am appalled by the sloth and inconsistency with which I approach it. I feel ashamed of talking about this with anyone else. I feel like I'm in 30s (and not an undergrad) and I should have figured out this by now. I get so queasy thinking..if I were in a tenure tracked job as an assistant professor and continued with these habits, that would be simply be awful! I'm just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they turned it around. More importantly, how they remained consistent about it. | ipkn09k | ipl4ryi | 1,663,918,874 | 1,663,933,968 | 4 | 5 | I'm just an undergraduate with no plans to go I to academia, but is it really that much of a problem? I do pretty much the same thing and don't find it too difficult to work around, so especially if your job is flexible you should simply keep doing it. You're a professional theoretical astrophysicist (!) maybe your brain just needs to rest sometimes. | Also keep in mind that for every hour of actual writing, there are often many hours of thinking involved including a lot of times outside of those 9-5 hours and even sometimes at night. As for those lawyers and surgeons pulling 12 hour shifts on paper, that's just stupid. Outside of mindless tasks, everything beyond a certain point is done at an insufficient level of concentration. That's why there are so many medical malpractice lawsuits in the US. At top law firms where lawyers MUST bill a certain amount of hours to keep their job, you don't think some of those hours are seriously fudged at the end of the month? If they just think about a case and work through it in their head, they are billing that time. It workers IT theory work a lot of hours per week, but a lot of their time is being "on-call", so let's not pretend that most of them aren't playing video games at home when the systems are up and running fine and nobody is calling. A goof friend of mine worked a normal 9-5 office job. He explained that yes, they have to be there the whole time, but everyone just knows that nobody does any work on Monday mornings, Friday afternoons, or the first hours of each work day. In short, hours logged is a shit metric for productivity. Some of the countries with the highest productivity rates, have some of the shortest working weeks. That may seem strange at first, but of course that is the way it is -- after a certain point each extra hour of course has diminishing returns. Big companies sell their services as if the people working for them as super-humans, but none of them are -- we all have limits to the time we can spend concentrating and staring at a screen. For us academics, it just looks like we are not that productive because we are not sitting at a desk writing for 8-10 hours a day, but that doesn't give you the whole picture. My wife sat down and wrote 2 hours a day 5 days a week during her PhD. That's it. The rest of the time was just to think and read and be involved in things. She just won a prize for the best article by a young researcher at her university. | 0 | 15,094 | 1.25 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxol7dw | fxoofm8 | 1,594,479,742 | 1,594,480,673 | 140 | 181 | If they take on your feedback they will be a better writer and a better researcher at the end of it. You're doing them a favour in the long run, but with some pain in the short; and are an essential part of the academic process. | Reviews are hurting when the reviews are not helpful and felt like reviewers didn't read it carefully. Or sometimes I can easily tell the reviewers already knew who I am (it's not difficult to figure out no matter what kind of blind system the journal is using) and they just don't like my group for whatever reason. Constructive reviews, even if they're very critical of my work, don't hurt. Often I feel thankful for their time and effort to read my paper. I understand how you feel, and I guess you feel it because you're a kind person in general, but at the end of the day you're helping the entire community not only the authors. | 0 | 931 | 1.292857 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxoqjzi | fxou21v | 1,594,481,342 | 1,594,482,237 | 28 | 33 | Your main objective as a reviewer is to help authors to enhance the paper. If you provide constructive feedback and suggest ways of improving it then there is nothing really to feel guilty about. You should feel that you have provided help. Just avoid comments such as "the paper does not meet the quality standards of this journal" or similar :) That would be perceived as mean especially coming from an anonymous reviewer. | I am the student you speak of. As long as there is feedback I can use please don't feel guilty. Obviosuly publishing is the best outcome for me, but having someone read your paper, actually care and provide feedback is a good 2nd. | 0 | 895 | 1.178571 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxou21v | fxoqftt | 1,594,482,237 | 1,594,481,320 | 33 | 11 | I am the student you speak of. As long as there is feedback I can use please don't feel guilty. Obviosuly publishing is the best outcome for me, but having someone read your paper, actually care and provide feedback is a good 2nd. | Maybe inspect your review for tone and see if you really are being “mean,” or just responding to a lot of things that need work. There are constructive ways to say pretty much everything, and knowing how to frame things is important. If you think that article is written by a grad student, well, would you say those same things in a meeting with your own student? It’s not that you have to be nice exactly, but people are more likely to take constructive feedback. if you truly want to help them make the manuscript better, being constructive is more likely to do that. The anonymity of the peer review process turns some people into total assholes, saying things they’d never say to a colleague. You can get away with it, of course, but there’s a higher road than taking out personal frustrations via peer review. | 1 | 917 | 3 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxop82v | fxou21v | 1,594,480,911 | 1,594,482,237 | 10 | 33 | I often feel guilt for not understanding a paper well enough or not having spent enough time on a paper to give it a very helpful review. Most of the time I still recommend acceptance or if not, then I give the authors the opportunity to resubmit their work. This probably does not apply to you, but perhaps it can help. I have a mental health condition (OCD) that makes me prone to guilt. I sometimes tell myself this and remind myself that the guilt is not real. Of course, it is not possible to be 100% certain if guilt is warranted or not. The idea is to accept that uncertainty and do/think about something else in the present moment | I am the student you speak of. As long as there is feedback I can use please don't feel guilty. Obviosuly publishing is the best outcome for me, but having someone read your paper, actually care and provide feedback is a good 2nd. | 0 | 1,326 | 3.3 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxopo6i | fxou21v | 1,594,481,076 | 1,594,482,237 | 5 | 33 | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | I am the student you speak of. As long as there is feedback I can use please don't feel guilty. Obviosuly publishing is the best outcome for me, but having someone read your paper, actually care and provide feedback is a good 2nd. | 0 | 1,161 | 6.6 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxoqjzi | fxoqftt | 1,594,481,342 | 1,594,481,320 | 28 | 11 | Your main objective as a reviewer is to help authors to enhance the paper. If you provide constructive feedback and suggest ways of improving it then there is nothing really to feel guilty about. You should feel that you have provided help. Just avoid comments such as "the paper does not meet the quality standards of this journal" or similar :) That would be perceived as mean especially coming from an anonymous reviewer. | Maybe inspect your review for tone and see if you really are being “mean,” or just responding to a lot of things that need work. There are constructive ways to say pretty much everything, and knowing how to frame things is important. If you think that article is written by a grad student, well, would you say those same things in a meeting with your own student? It’s not that you have to be nice exactly, but people are more likely to take constructive feedback. if you truly want to help them make the manuscript better, being constructive is more likely to do that. The anonymity of the peer review process turns some people into total assholes, saying things they’d never say to a colleague. You can get away with it, of course, but there’s a higher road than taking out personal frustrations via peer review. | 1 | 22 | 2.545455 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxop82v | fxoqjzi | 1,594,480,911 | 1,594,481,342 | 10 | 28 | I often feel guilt for not understanding a paper well enough or not having spent enough time on a paper to give it a very helpful review. Most of the time I still recommend acceptance or if not, then I give the authors the opportunity to resubmit their work. This probably does not apply to you, but perhaps it can help. I have a mental health condition (OCD) that makes me prone to guilt. I sometimes tell myself this and remind myself that the guilt is not real. Of course, it is not possible to be 100% certain if guilt is warranted or not. The idea is to accept that uncertainty and do/think about something else in the present moment | Your main objective as a reviewer is to help authors to enhance the paper. If you provide constructive feedback and suggest ways of improving it then there is nothing really to feel guilty about. You should feel that you have provided help. Just avoid comments such as "the paper does not meet the quality standards of this journal" or similar :) That would be perceived as mean especially coming from an anonymous reviewer. | 0 | 431 | 2.8 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxoqjzi | fxopo6i | 1,594,481,342 | 1,594,481,076 | 28 | 5 | Your main objective as a reviewer is to help authors to enhance the paper. If you provide constructive feedback and suggest ways of improving it then there is nothing really to feel guilty about. You should feel that you have provided help. Just avoid comments such as "the paper does not meet the quality standards of this journal" or similar :) That would be perceived as mean especially coming from an anonymous reviewer. | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | 1 | 266 | 5.6 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxozazx | fxoqftt | 1,594,483,419 | 1,594,481,320 | 21 | 11 | Yes, I feel a lot of reviewer's (and editor's) guilt when I am critical of a work that was clearly done with passion, but that it is not (hopefully yet) up to par. Just yesterday I had to make a recommendation for a large national grant, the ones that are pretty much a requirement for young academics. The project wasn't good so I gave it a mediocre, but not horrible, score. I knew that means the researcher won't get the grant, I know it was the right thing to do, but I regret it all the same. That is just empathy I guess, and it is a good thing to have. I have received many reviews without an iota of empathy, being quite mean, condescending, or simply aggressive. People who forget there is a person on the other side. I rather feel guilt but be reassured I'm doing what's right. | Maybe inspect your review for tone and see if you really are being “mean,” or just responding to a lot of things that need work. There are constructive ways to say pretty much everything, and knowing how to frame things is important. If you think that article is written by a grad student, well, would you say those same things in a meeting with your own student? It’s not that you have to be nice exactly, but people are more likely to take constructive feedback. if you truly want to help them make the manuscript better, being constructive is more likely to do that. The anonymity of the peer review process turns some people into total assholes, saying things they’d never say to a colleague. You can get away with it, of course, but there’s a higher road than taking out personal frustrations via peer review. | 1 | 2,099 | 1.909091 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxop82v | fxozazx | 1,594,480,911 | 1,594,483,419 | 10 | 21 | I often feel guilt for not understanding a paper well enough or not having spent enough time on a paper to give it a very helpful review. Most of the time I still recommend acceptance or if not, then I give the authors the opportunity to resubmit their work. This probably does not apply to you, but perhaps it can help. I have a mental health condition (OCD) that makes me prone to guilt. I sometimes tell myself this and remind myself that the guilt is not real. Of course, it is not possible to be 100% certain if guilt is warranted or not. The idea is to accept that uncertainty and do/think about something else in the present moment | Yes, I feel a lot of reviewer's (and editor's) guilt when I am critical of a work that was clearly done with passion, but that it is not (hopefully yet) up to par. Just yesterday I had to make a recommendation for a large national grant, the ones that are pretty much a requirement for young academics. The project wasn't good so I gave it a mediocre, but not horrible, score. I knew that means the researcher won't get the grant, I know it was the right thing to do, but I regret it all the same. That is just empathy I guess, and it is a good thing to have. I have received many reviews without an iota of empathy, being quite mean, condescending, or simply aggressive. People who forget there is a person on the other side. I rather feel guilt but be reassured I'm doing what's right. | 0 | 2,508 | 2.1 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxopo6i | fxozazx | 1,594,481,076 | 1,594,483,419 | 5 | 21 | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | Yes, I feel a lot of reviewer's (and editor's) guilt when I am critical of a work that was clearly done with passion, but that it is not (hopefully yet) up to par. Just yesterday I had to make a recommendation for a large national grant, the ones that are pretty much a requirement for young academics. The project wasn't good so I gave it a mediocre, but not horrible, score. I knew that means the researcher won't get the grant, I know it was the right thing to do, but I regret it all the same. That is just empathy I guess, and it is a good thing to have. I have received many reviews without an iota of empathy, being quite mean, condescending, or simply aggressive. People who forget there is a person on the other side. I rather feel guilt but be reassured I'm doing what's right. | 0 | 2,343 | 4.2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxozazx | fxowssw | 1,594,483,419 | 1,594,482,873 | 21 | 3 | Yes, I feel a lot of reviewer's (and editor's) guilt when I am critical of a work that was clearly done with passion, but that it is not (hopefully yet) up to par. Just yesterday I had to make a recommendation for a large national grant, the ones that are pretty much a requirement for young academics. The project wasn't good so I gave it a mediocre, but not horrible, score. I knew that means the researcher won't get the grant, I know it was the right thing to do, but I regret it all the same. That is just empathy I guess, and it is a good thing to have. I have received many reviews without an iota of empathy, being quite mean, condescending, or simply aggressive. People who forget there is a person on the other side. I rather feel guilt but be reassured I'm doing what's right. | I’m surprised more people don’t feel this way. I do, even though I know being critical where necessary is the right thing to do. | 1 | 546 | 7 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxoqftt | fxpm4nn | 1,594,481,320 | 1,594,489,414 | 11 | 14 | Maybe inspect your review for tone and see if you really are being “mean,” or just responding to a lot of things that need work. There are constructive ways to say pretty much everything, and knowing how to frame things is important. If you think that article is written by a grad student, well, would you say those same things in a meeting with your own student? It’s not that you have to be nice exactly, but people are more likely to take constructive feedback. if you truly want to help them make the manuscript better, being constructive is more likely to do that. The anonymity of the peer review process turns some people into total assholes, saying things they’d never say to a colleague. You can get away with it, of course, but there’s a higher road than taking out personal frustrations via peer review. | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | 0 | 8,094 | 1.272727 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpm4nn | fxop82v | 1,594,489,414 | 1,594,480,911 | 14 | 10 | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | I often feel guilt for not understanding a paper well enough or not having spent enough time on a paper to give it a very helpful review. Most of the time I still recommend acceptance or if not, then I give the authors the opportunity to resubmit their work. This probably does not apply to you, but perhaps it can help. I have a mental health condition (OCD) that makes me prone to guilt. I sometimes tell myself this and remind myself that the guilt is not real. Of course, it is not possible to be 100% certain if guilt is warranted or not. The idea is to accept that uncertainty and do/think about something else in the present moment | 1 | 8,503 | 1.4 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpjfpz | fxpm4nn | 1,594,488,770 | 1,594,489,414 | 6 | 14 | If you have valid reasons for why you rejected a paper, then I don't see the problem. If you give genuinely useful feedback, then you're using your time in a way that's productive for the writer. However, I can tell you I've had stuff rejected for absolutely absurd reasons. Like, REALLY absurd. "this isn't intersectional enough". "You don't have any trans participants" "you didn't put a trigger warning". If you're making those kind of decisions, then yeah, I can see why you feel guilt. | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | 0 | 644 | 2.333333 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpfy80 | fxpm4nn | 1,594,487,987 | 1,594,489,414 | 6 | 14 | I hate it. I want to be the generous, helpful reviewer that I rarely get on my own submissions. And then I read the paper, and probably three out of four times, I have to argue for either substantial changes or outright rejection. I always do a lot of "are we the baddies?" soul-searching after this. And I try to write very helpful feedback, which shows that I took their work _very_ seriously. But I know what it feels like to be on the other end of that. It's still rough. But necessary. | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | 0 | 1,427 | 2.333333 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpm4nn | fxopo6i | 1,594,489,414 | 1,594,481,076 | 14 | 5 | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | 1 | 8,338 | 2.8 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpm4nn | fxowssw | 1,594,489,414 | 1,594,482,873 | 14 | 3 | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | I’m surprised more people don’t feel this way. I do, even though I know being critical where necessary is the right thing to do. | 1 | 6,541 | 4.666667 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxp02b2 | fxpm4nn | 1,594,483,639 | 1,594,489,414 | 4 | 14 | I feel a little bad. And, I have never recommended to reject a paper outright. Instead I opt to choose the reject and resubmit option. The editor has to make the decision whether or not it can be resubmitted. With that said, I have not reviewed a paper that I thought was fundamentally unsound. I don't feel bad, because I think of my first manuscript which was a hot mess. My PI probably should not have let me submit it. But, I think he was fed up with me not making progress so we just sent it in. Fortunately the reviewers gave constructive feedback and I end up resubmitting laterally and getting the paper accepted. The review process made my paper way better than it was. | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | 0 | 5,775 | 3.5 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpm4nn | fxp9rk0 | 1,594,489,414 | 1,594,486,368 | 14 | 3 | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | Yes. Especially with reviewing proposals for funding that you know could really establish someone’s career. I have been guided that you saying no to one person allows a yes to someone else. It’s not fair to either to feel bound to rate something positively just because you happened to invest time (and, often, emotional energy) into reading and thinking about it. | 1 | 3,046 | 4.666667 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpm4nn | fxph8ei | 1,594,489,414 | 1,594,488,273 | 14 | 3 | My favorite review I got as a grad student: "this result is almost certainly false, but if it is valid, I already published it 30 years ago" yours was certainly more useful than that. | I don’t ever feel guilty, but I do occasionally feel sad when it is apparent that someone had a good idea and worked hard, but really missed the mark for some reason. The job of a reviewer is to support the editor in making an appropriate decision, not manage the feelings of the authors. A really good review can give the authors valuable feedback that will enable them to not only improve the paper, but become better scientists and writers. Either way, how they feel about it is their business. It should not factor into your thinking when writing your review, beyond perhaps tempering your language to make it easier for them to understand and appreciate your feedback, but that is more about compassion and effective communication. | 1 | 1,141 | 4.666667 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxoqftt | fxop82v | 1,594,481,320 | 1,594,480,911 | 11 | 10 | Maybe inspect your review for tone and see if you really are being “mean,” or just responding to a lot of things that need work. There are constructive ways to say pretty much everything, and knowing how to frame things is important. If you think that article is written by a grad student, well, would you say those same things in a meeting with your own student? It’s not that you have to be nice exactly, but people are more likely to take constructive feedback. if you truly want to help them make the manuscript better, being constructive is more likely to do that. The anonymity of the peer review process turns some people into total assholes, saying things they’d never say to a colleague. You can get away with it, of course, but there’s a higher road than taking out personal frustrations via peer review. | I often feel guilt for not understanding a paper well enough or not having spent enough time on a paper to give it a very helpful review. Most of the time I still recommend acceptance or if not, then I give the authors the opportunity to resubmit their work. This probably does not apply to you, but perhaps it can help. I have a mental health condition (OCD) that makes me prone to guilt. I sometimes tell myself this and remind myself that the guilt is not real. Of course, it is not possible to be 100% certain if guilt is warranted or not. The idea is to accept that uncertainty and do/think about something else in the present moment | 1 | 409 | 1.1 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxopo6i | fxoqftt | 1,594,481,076 | 1,594,481,320 | 5 | 11 | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | Maybe inspect your review for tone and see if you really are being “mean,” or just responding to a lot of things that need work. There are constructive ways to say pretty much everything, and knowing how to frame things is important. If you think that article is written by a grad student, well, would you say those same things in a meeting with your own student? It’s not that you have to be nice exactly, but people are more likely to take constructive feedback. if you truly want to help them make the manuscript better, being constructive is more likely to do that. The anonymity of the peer review process turns some people into total assholes, saying things they’d never say to a colleague. You can get away with it, of course, but there’s a higher road than taking out personal frustrations via peer review. | 0 | 244 | 2.2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxqo3qg | fxpjfpz | 1,594,498,401 | 1,594,488,770 | 7 | 6 | I once reviewed the worst paper. Not terribly written, but what they were doing was so astonishingly ridiculous and amateurish for the field that it could have passed as a joke in any class. It would be like a chemist putting food coloring into water in their own kitchen and then claiming to have created "green water" and thus the water was more environmentally friendly because it was green. At first I was confused, but it was a serious thing so I wrote a review explaining the problems nicely and then a much harsher "absolutely not" note to the editor. It never got published, at least in that journal. But I was very sad when I looked up the author and found they were in a legit graduate program (not prestigious, but something where you'd expect training and guidance) and somehow their advisor (who was also an author) had greenlit this project and apparently encouraged it as a thesis. I felt very bad for that poor student. | If you have valid reasons for why you rejected a paper, then I don't see the problem. If you give genuinely useful feedback, then you're using your time in a way that's productive for the writer. However, I can tell you I've had stuff rejected for absolutely absurd reasons. Like, REALLY absurd. "this isn't intersectional enough". "You don't have any trans participants" "you didn't put a trigger warning". If you're making those kind of decisions, then yeah, I can see why you feel guilt. | 1 | 9,631 | 1.166667 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxopo6i | fxpjfpz | 1,594,481,076 | 1,594,488,770 | 5 | 6 | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | If you have valid reasons for why you rejected a paper, then I don't see the problem. If you give genuinely useful feedback, then you're using your time in a way that's productive for the writer. However, I can tell you I've had stuff rejected for absolutely absurd reasons. Like, REALLY absurd. "this isn't intersectional enough". "You don't have any trans participants" "you didn't put a trigger warning". If you're making those kind of decisions, then yeah, I can see why you feel guilt. | 0 | 7,694 | 1.2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxowssw | fxpjfpz | 1,594,482,873 | 1,594,488,770 | 3 | 6 | I’m surprised more people don’t feel this way. I do, even though I know being critical where necessary is the right thing to do. | If you have valid reasons for why you rejected a paper, then I don't see the problem. If you give genuinely useful feedback, then you're using your time in a way that's productive for the writer. However, I can tell you I've had stuff rejected for absolutely absurd reasons. Like, REALLY absurd. "this isn't intersectional enough". "You don't have any trans participants" "you didn't put a trigger warning". If you're making those kind of decisions, then yeah, I can see why you feel guilt. | 0 | 5,897 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxp02b2 | fxpjfpz | 1,594,483,639 | 1,594,488,770 | 4 | 6 | I feel a little bad. And, I have never recommended to reject a paper outright. Instead I opt to choose the reject and resubmit option. The editor has to make the decision whether or not it can be resubmitted. With that said, I have not reviewed a paper that I thought was fundamentally unsound. I don't feel bad, because I think of my first manuscript which was a hot mess. My PI probably should not have let me submit it. But, I think he was fed up with me not making progress so we just sent it in. Fortunately the reviewers gave constructive feedback and I end up resubmitting laterally and getting the paper accepted. The review process made my paper way better than it was. | If you have valid reasons for why you rejected a paper, then I don't see the problem. If you give genuinely useful feedback, then you're using your time in a way that's productive for the writer. However, I can tell you I've had stuff rejected for absolutely absurd reasons. Like, REALLY absurd. "this isn't intersectional enough". "You don't have any trans participants" "you didn't put a trigger warning". If you're making those kind of decisions, then yeah, I can see why you feel guilt. | 0 | 5,131 | 1.5 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpjfpz | fxp9rk0 | 1,594,488,770 | 1,594,486,368 | 6 | 3 | If you have valid reasons for why you rejected a paper, then I don't see the problem. If you give genuinely useful feedback, then you're using your time in a way that's productive for the writer. However, I can tell you I've had stuff rejected for absolutely absurd reasons. Like, REALLY absurd. "this isn't intersectional enough". "You don't have any trans participants" "you didn't put a trigger warning". If you're making those kind of decisions, then yeah, I can see why you feel guilt. | Yes. Especially with reviewing proposals for funding that you know could really establish someone’s career. I have been guided that you saying no to one person allows a yes to someone else. It’s not fair to either to feel bound to rate something positively just because you happened to invest time (and, often, emotional energy) into reading and thinking about it. | 1 | 2,402 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxph8ei | fxpjfpz | 1,594,488,273 | 1,594,488,770 | 3 | 6 | I don’t ever feel guilty, but I do occasionally feel sad when it is apparent that someone had a good idea and worked hard, but really missed the mark for some reason. The job of a reviewer is to support the editor in making an appropriate decision, not manage the feelings of the authors. A really good review can give the authors valuable feedback that will enable them to not only improve the paper, but become better scientists and writers. Either way, how they feel about it is their business. It should not factor into your thinking when writing your review, beyond perhaps tempering your language to make it easier for them to understand and appreciate your feedback, but that is more about compassion and effective communication. | If you have valid reasons for why you rejected a paper, then I don't see the problem. If you give genuinely useful feedback, then you're using your time in a way that's productive for the writer. However, I can tell you I've had stuff rejected for absolutely absurd reasons. Like, REALLY absurd. "this isn't intersectional enough". "You don't have any trans participants" "you didn't put a trigger warning". If you're making those kind of decisions, then yeah, I can see why you feel guilt. | 0 | 497 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpfy80 | fxqo3qg | 1,594,487,987 | 1,594,498,401 | 6 | 7 | I hate it. I want to be the generous, helpful reviewer that I rarely get on my own submissions. And then I read the paper, and probably three out of four times, I have to argue for either substantial changes or outright rejection. I always do a lot of "are we the baddies?" soul-searching after this. And I try to write very helpful feedback, which shows that I took their work _very_ seriously. But I know what it feels like to be on the other end of that. It's still rough. But necessary. | I once reviewed the worst paper. Not terribly written, but what they were doing was so astonishingly ridiculous and amateurish for the field that it could have passed as a joke in any class. It would be like a chemist putting food coloring into water in their own kitchen and then claiming to have created "green water" and thus the water was more environmentally friendly because it was green. At first I was confused, but it was a serious thing so I wrote a review explaining the problems nicely and then a much harsher "absolutely not" note to the editor. It never got published, at least in that journal. But I was very sad when I looked up the author and found they were in a legit graduate program (not prestigious, but something where you'd expect training and guidance) and somehow their advisor (who was also an author) had greenlit this project and apparently encouraged it as a thesis. I felt very bad for that poor student. | 0 | 10,414 | 1.166667 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxopo6i | fxqo3qg | 1,594,481,076 | 1,594,498,401 | 5 | 7 | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | I once reviewed the worst paper. Not terribly written, but what they were doing was so astonishingly ridiculous and amateurish for the field that it could have passed as a joke in any class. It would be like a chemist putting food coloring into water in their own kitchen and then claiming to have created "green water" and thus the water was more environmentally friendly because it was green. At first I was confused, but it was a serious thing so I wrote a review explaining the problems nicely and then a much harsher "absolutely not" note to the editor. It never got published, at least in that journal. But I was very sad when I looked up the author and found they were in a legit graduate program (not prestigious, but something where you'd expect training and guidance) and somehow their advisor (who was also an author) had greenlit this project and apparently encouraged it as a thesis. I felt very bad for that poor student. | 0 | 17,325 | 1.4 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxqo3qg | fxowssw | 1,594,498,401 | 1,594,482,873 | 7 | 3 | I once reviewed the worst paper. Not terribly written, but what they were doing was so astonishingly ridiculous and amateurish for the field that it could have passed as a joke in any class. It would be like a chemist putting food coloring into water in their own kitchen and then claiming to have created "green water" and thus the water was more environmentally friendly because it was green. At first I was confused, but it was a serious thing so I wrote a review explaining the problems nicely and then a much harsher "absolutely not" note to the editor. It never got published, at least in that journal. But I was very sad when I looked up the author and found they were in a legit graduate program (not prestigious, but something where you'd expect training and guidance) and somehow their advisor (who was also an author) had greenlit this project and apparently encouraged it as a thesis. I felt very bad for that poor student. | I’m surprised more people don’t feel this way. I do, even though I know being critical where necessary is the right thing to do. | 1 | 15,528 | 2.333333 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxp02b2 | fxqo3qg | 1,594,483,639 | 1,594,498,401 | 4 | 7 | I feel a little bad. And, I have never recommended to reject a paper outright. Instead I opt to choose the reject and resubmit option. The editor has to make the decision whether or not it can be resubmitted. With that said, I have not reviewed a paper that I thought was fundamentally unsound. I don't feel bad, because I think of my first manuscript which was a hot mess. My PI probably should not have let me submit it. But, I think he was fed up with me not making progress so we just sent it in. Fortunately the reviewers gave constructive feedback and I end up resubmitting laterally and getting the paper accepted. The review process made my paper way better than it was. | I once reviewed the worst paper. Not terribly written, but what they were doing was so astonishingly ridiculous and amateurish for the field that it could have passed as a joke in any class. It would be like a chemist putting food coloring into water in their own kitchen and then claiming to have created "green water" and thus the water was more environmentally friendly because it was green. At first I was confused, but it was a serious thing so I wrote a review explaining the problems nicely and then a much harsher "absolutely not" note to the editor. It never got published, at least in that journal. But I was very sad when I looked up the author and found they were in a legit graduate program (not prestigious, but something where you'd expect training and guidance) and somehow their advisor (who was also an author) had greenlit this project and apparently encouraged it as a thesis. I felt very bad for that poor student. | 0 | 14,762 | 1.75 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxp9rk0 | fxqo3qg | 1,594,486,368 | 1,594,498,401 | 3 | 7 | Yes. Especially with reviewing proposals for funding that you know could really establish someone’s career. I have been guided that you saying no to one person allows a yes to someone else. It’s not fair to either to feel bound to rate something positively just because you happened to invest time (and, often, emotional energy) into reading and thinking about it. | I once reviewed the worst paper. Not terribly written, but what they were doing was so astonishingly ridiculous and amateurish for the field that it could have passed as a joke in any class. It would be like a chemist putting food coloring into water in their own kitchen and then claiming to have created "green water" and thus the water was more environmentally friendly because it was green. At first I was confused, but it was a serious thing so I wrote a review explaining the problems nicely and then a much harsher "absolutely not" note to the editor. It never got published, at least in that journal. But I was very sad when I looked up the author and found they were in a legit graduate program (not prestigious, but something where you'd expect training and guidance) and somehow their advisor (who was also an author) had greenlit this project and apparently encouraged it as a thesis. I felt very bad for that poor student. | 0 | 12,033 | 2.333333 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxph8ei | fxqo3qg | 1,594,488,273 | 1,594,498,401 | 3 | 7 | I don’t ever feel guilty, but I do occasionally feel sad when it is apparent that someone had a good idea and worked hard, but really missed the mark for some reason. The job of a reviewer is to support the editor in making an appropriate decision, not manage the feelings of the authors. A really good review can give the authors valuable feedback that will enable them to not only improve the paper, but become better scientists and writers. Either way, how they feel about it is their business. It should not factor into your thinking when writing your review, beyond perhaps tempering your language to make it easier for them to understand and appreciate your feedback, but that is more about compassion and effective communication. | I once reviewed the worst paper. Not terribly written, but what they were doing was so astonishingly ridiculous and amateurish for the field that it could have passed as a joke in any class. It would be like a chemist putting food coloring into water in their own kitchen and then claiming to have created "green water" and thus the water was more environmentally friendly because it was green. At first I was confused, but it was a serious thing so I wrote a review explaining the problems nicely and then a much harsher "absolutely not" note to the editor. It never got published, at least in that journal. But I was very sad when I looked up the author and found they were in a legit graduate program (not prestigious, but something where you'd expect training and guidance) and somehow their advisor (who was also an author) had greenlit this project and apparently encouraged it as a thesis. I felt very bad for that poor student. | 0 | 10,128 | 2.333333 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxq84lt | fxqo3qg | 1,594,494,593 | 1,594,498,401 | 2 | 7 | My experience as a writer and reviewer is that most papers end up accepted eventually. Failure of a paper to be published in a given submission cycle is typically due to a mismatch between journal and manuscript, and the manuscript will be okay, often with minimal revision, once it finds the right journal. Very few papers (<10%) are so bad that they require substantial overhauls. Those really bad papers are bad for only a handful of reasons. The biggest reason is insufficient communication and feedback between the authors; either the trainee is not taking feedback from their PI, or their PI is not providing sufficient guidance. A rejected manuscript can be a way to shock the system, so to speak, and get the PI and trainee communicating in order to fix problems in how the authors go from data to results to inferences, or bringing on additional experts to address gaps in technical expertise. That's not to say there aren't malicious or frivolous rejections (there are and I've seen some first-hand) but if you're trying to be constructive but still identifying critical problems with a manuscript, the chances are this will ultimately help everyone involved, including the trainee. | I once reviewed the worst paper. Not terribly written, but what they were doing was so astonishingly ridiculous and amateurish for the field that it could have passed as a joke in any class. It would be like a chemist putting food coloring into water in their own kitchen and then claiming to have created "green water" and thus the water was more environmentally friendly because it was green. At first I was confused, but it was a serious thing so I wrote a review explaining the problems nicely and then a much harsher "absolutely not" note to the editor. It never got published, at least in that journal. But I was very sad when I looked up the author and found they were in a legit graduate program (not prestigious, but something where you'd expect training and guidance) and somehow their advisor (who was also an author) had greenlit this project and apparently encouraged it as a thesis. I felt very bad for that poor student. | 0 | 3,808 | 3.5 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpfy80 | fxopo6i | 1,594,487,987 | 1,594,481,076 | 6 | 5 | I hate it. I want to be the generous, helpful reviewer that I rarely get on my own submissions. And then I read the paper, and probably three out of four times, I have to argue for either substantial changes or outright rejection. I always do a lot of "are we the baddies?" soul-searching after this. And I try to write very helpful feedback, which shows that I took their work _very_ seriously. But I know what it feels like to be on the other end of that. It's still rough. But necessary. | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | 1 | 6,911 | 1.2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxowssw | fxpfy80 | 1,594,482,873 | 1,594,487,987 | 3 | 6 | I’m surprised more people don’t feel this way. I do, even though I know being critical where necessary is the right thing to do. | I hate it. I want to be the generous, helpful reviewer that I rarely get on my own submissions. And then I read the paper, and probably three out of four times, I have to argue for either substantial changes or outright rejection. I always do a lot of "are we the baddies?" soul-searching after this. And I try to write very helpful feedback, which shows that I took their work _very_ seriously. But I know what it feels like to be on the other end of that. It's still rough. But necessary. | 0 | 5,114 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpfy80 | fxp02b2 | 1,594,487,987 | 1,594,483,639 | 6 | 4 | I hate it. I want to be the generous, helpful reviewer that I rarely get on my own submissions. And then I read the paper, and probably three out of four times, I have to argue for either substantial changes or outright rejection. I always do a lot of "are we the baddies?" soul-searching after this. And I try to write very helpful feedback, which shows that I took their work _very_ seriously. But I know what it feels like to be on the other end of that. It's still rough. But necessary. | I feel a little bad. And, I have never recommended to reject a paper outright. Instead I opt to choose the reject and resubmit option. The editor has to make the decision whether or not it can be resubmitted. With that said, I have not reviewed a paper that I thought was fundamentally unsound. I don't feel bad, because I think of my first manuscript which was a hot mess. My PI probably should not have let me submit it. But, I think he was fed up with me not making progress so we just sent it in. Fortunately the reviewers gave constructive feedback and I end up resubmitting laterally and getting the paper accepted. The review process made my paper way better than it was. | 1 | 4,348 | 1.5 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxpfy80 | fxp9rk0 | 1,594,487,987 | 1,594,486,368 | 6 | 3 | I hate it. I want to be the generous, helpful reviewer that I rarely get on my own submissions. And then I read the paper, and probably three out of four times, I have to argue for either substantial changes or outright rejection. I always do a lot of "are we the baddies?" soul-searching after this. And I try to write very helpful feedback, which shows that I took their work _very_ seriously. But I know what it feels like to be on the other end of that. It's still rough. But necessary. | Yes. Especially with reviewing proposals for funding that you know could really establish someone’s career. I have been guided that you saying no to one person allows a yes to someone else. It’s not fair to either to feel bound to rate something positively just because you happened to invest time (and, often, emotional energy) into reading and thinking about it. | 1 | 1,619 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxrhrqw | fxopo6i | 1,594,505,910 | 1,594,481,076 | 6 | 5 | I don't feel too guilty, but I'm also not a total dick when I review (I don't mean to imply you are, or others who feel guilty are - Just that I know I was being constructive, and careful in my wording, so there's no reason, personally, for me to feel guilty). I think as long as you are constructive, kind, patient, and thorough, that's all that matters. Offer helpful suggestions; ask for clarification; raise concerns, and don't be overconfident (!) that your criticisms are correct \[seriously, how many times I've seen reviewers cite some 'major problem' that is 100%, factually incorrect; yet they treat it as though it's 100% a correct criticism, and use it to beat the paper down\]. I also tend to couch my criticism in a 'niceties' sandwich. Start by reiterating the purpose of the paper; mention positive thoughts you had going into it. Bring up major concerns first (appropriately calibrated to your confidence in those concerns). Bring up minor concerns second. Editorial notes third (misspellings, flow problems, reorganization tips). Then end with what you think was good about the paper; these can still be couched as 'critical', in the sense of "I really enjoyed sections X, Y, and Z; I think section A would be improved if it came after section X." Make it clear that you hope the review can help improve the paper and future projects; and that the review isn't inherently meant to be pissy. I sometimes even say "I apologize if my terse review reads as harsher than intended; I enjoyed many aspects of this paper, and feel it could be improved by my comments above." \[literally, because sometimes I have terse sentences that indeed could be read by someone as aggressive\]. I review others' papers as I wish they'd review mine. I'm thorough, careful, and helpful; I try to be nice, because there's no need to be cruel in a review, despite what some asses think. As long as I do that, I feel confident in whatever recommendation I give, and I don't feel guilty for it. | The way I see it, you're providing a great service to others and society by doing your work this way. | 1 | 24,834 | 1.2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxrhrqw | fxowssw | 1,594,505,910 | 1,594,482,873 | 6 | 3 | I don't feel too guilty, but I'm also not a total dick when I review (I don't mean to imply you are, or others who feel guilty are - Just that I know I was being constructive, and careful in my wording, so there's no reason, personally, for me to feel guilty). I think as long as you are constructive, kind, patient, and thorough, that's all that matters. Offer helpful suggestions; ask for clarification; raise concerns, and don't be overconfident (!) that your criticisms are correct \[seriously, how many times I've seen reviewers cite some 'major problem' that is 100%, factually incorrect; yet they treat it as though it's 100% a correct criticism, and use it to beat the paper down\]. I also tend to couch my criticism in a 'niceties' sandwich. Start by reiterating the purpose of the paper; mention positive thoughts you had going into it. Bring up major concerns first (appropriately calibrated to your confidence in those concerns). Bring up minor concerns second. Editorial notes third (misspellings, flow problems, reorganization tips). Then end with what you think was good about the paper; these can still be couched as 'critical', in the sense of "I really enjoyed sections X, Y, and Z; I think section A would be improved if it came after section X." Make it clear that you hope the review can help improve the paper and future projects; and that the review isn't inherently meant to be pissy. I sometimes even say "I apologize if my terse review reads as harsher than intended; I enjoyed many aspects of this paper, and feel it could be improved by my comments above." \[literally, because sometimes I have terse sentences that indeed could be read by someone as aggressive\]. I review others' papers as I wish they'd review mine. I'm thorough, careful, and helpful; I try to be nice, because there's no need to be cruel in a review, despite what some asses think. As long as I do that, I feel confident in whatever recommendation I give, and I don't feel guilty for it. | I’m surprised more people don’t feel this way. I do, even though I know being critical where necessary is the right thing to do. | 1 | 23,037 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxp02b2 | fxrhrqw | 1,594,483,639 | 1,594,505,910 | 4 | 6 | I feel a little bad. And, I have never recommended to reject a paper outright. Instead I opt to choose the reject and resubmit option. The editor has to make the decision whether or not it can be resubmitted. With that said, I have not reviewed a paper that I thought was fundamentally unsound. I don't feel bad, because I think of my first manuscript which was a hot mess. My PI probably should not have let me submit it. But, I think he was fed up with me not making progress so we just sent it in. Fortunately the reviewers gave constructive feedback and I end up resubmitting laterally and getting the paper accepted. The review process made my paper way better than it was. | I don't feel too guilty, but I'm also not a total dick when I review (I don't mean to imply you are, or others who feel guilty are - Just that I know I was being constructive, and careful in my wording, so there's no reason, personally, for me to feel guilty). I think as long as you are constructive, kind, patient, and thorough, that's all that matters. Offer helpful suggestions; ask for clarification; raise concerns, and don't be overconfident (!) that your criticisms are correct \[seriously, how many times I've seen reviewers cite some 'major problem' that is 100%, factually incorrect; yet they treat it as though it's 100% a correct criticism, and use it to beat the paper down\]. I also tend to couch my criticism in a 'niceties' sandwich. Start by reiterating the purpose of the paper; mention positive thoughts you had going into it. Bring up major concerns first (appropriately calibrated to your confidence in those concerns). Bring up minor concerns second. Editorial notes third (misspellings, flow problems, reorganization tips). Then end with what you think was good about the paper; these can still be couched as 'critical', in the sense of "I really enjoyed sections X, Y, and Z; I think section A would be improved if it came after section X." Make it clear that you hope the review can help improve the paper and future projects; and that the review isn't inherently meant to be pissy. I sometimes even say "I apologize if my terse review reads as harsher than intended; I enjoyed many aspects of this paper, and feel it could be improved by my comments above." \[literally, because sometimes I have terse sentences that indeed could be read by someone as aggressive\]. I review others' papers as I wish they'd review mine. I'm thorough, careful, and helpful; I try to be nice, because there's no need to be cruel in a review, despite what some asses think. As long as I do that, I feel confident in whatever recommendation I give, and I don't feel guilty for it. | 0 | 22,271 | 1.5 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxrhrqw | fxp9rk0 | 1,594,505,910 | 1,594,486,368 | 6 | 3 | I don't feel too guilty, but I'm also not a total dick when I review (I don't mean to imply you are, or others who feel guilty are - Just that I know I was being constructive, and careful in my wording, so there's no reason, personally, for me to feel guilty). I think as long as you are constructive, kind, patient, and thorough, that's all that matters. Offer helpful suggestions; ask for clarification; raise concerns, and don't be overconfident (!) that your criticisms are correct \[seriously, how many times I've seen reviewers cite some 'major problem' that is 100%, factually incorrect; yet they treat it as though it's 100% a correct criticism, and use it to beat the paper down\]. I also tend to couch my criticism in a 'niceties' sandwich. Start by reiterating the purpose of the paper; mention positive thoughts you had going into it. Bring up major concerns first (appropriately calibrated to your confidence in those concerns). Bring up minor concerns second. Editorial notes third (misspellings, flow problems, reorganization tips). Then end with what you think was good about the paper; these can still be couched as 'critical', in the sense of "I really enjoyed sections X, Y, and Z; I think section A would be improved if it came after section X." Make it clear that you hope the review can help improve the paper and future projects; and that the review isn't inherently meant to be pissy. I sometimes even say "I apologize if my terse review reads as harsher than intended; I enjoyed many aspects of this paper, and feel it could be improved by my comments above." \[literally, because sometimes I have terse sentences that indeed could be read by someone as aggressive\]. I review others' papers as I wish they'd review mine. I'm thorough, careful, and helpful; I try to be nice, because there's no need to be cruel in a review, despite what some asses think. As long as I do that, I feel confident in whatever recommendation I give, and I don't feel guilty for it. | Yes. Especially with reviewing proposals for funding that you know could really establish someone’s career. I have been guided that you saying no to one person allows a yes to someone else. It’s not fair to either to feel bound to rate something positively just because you happened to invest time (and, often, emotional energy) into reading and thinking about it. | 1 | 19,542 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxrhrqw | fxph8ei | 1,594,505,910 | 1,594,488,273 | 6 | 3 | I don't feel too guilty, but I'm also not a total dick when I review (I don't mean to imply you are, or others who feel guilty are - Just that I know I was being constructive, and careful in my wording, so there's no reason, personally, for me to feel guilty). I think as long as you are constructive, kind, patient, and thorough, that's all that matters. Offer helpful suggestions; ask for clarification; raise concerns, and don't be overconfident (!) that your criticisms are correct \[seriously, how many times I've seen reviewers cite some 'major problem' that is 100%, factually incorrect; yet they treat it as though it's 100% a correct criticism, and use it to beat the paper down\]. I also tend to couch my criticism in a 'niceties' sandwich. Start by reiterating the purpose of the paper; mention positive thoughts you had going into it. Bring up major concerns first (appropriately calibrated to your confidence in those concerns). Bring up minor concerns second. Editorial notes third (misspellings, flow problems, reorganization tips). Then end with what you think was good about the paper; these can still be couched as 'critical', in the sense of "I really enjoyed sections X, Y, and Z; I think section A would be improved if it came after section X." Make it clear that you hope the review can help improve the paper and future projects; and that the review isn't inherently meant to be pissy. I sometimes even say "I apologize if my terse review reads as harsher than intended; I enjoyed many aspects of this paper, and feel it could be improved by my comments above." \[literally, because sometimes I have terse sentences that indeed could be read by someone as aggressive\]. I review others' papers as I wish they'd review mine. I'm thorough, careful, and helpful; I try to be nice, because there's no need to be cruel in a review, despite what some asses think. As long as I do that, I feel confident in whatever recommendation I give, and I don't feel guilty for it. | I don’t ever feel guilty, but I do occasionally feel sad when it is apparent that someone had a good idea and worked hard, but really missed the mark for some reason. The job of a reviewer is to support the editor in making an appropriate decision, not manage the feelings of the authors. A really good review can give the authors valuable feedback that will enable them to not only improve the paper, but become better scientists and writers. Either way, how they feel about it is their business. It should not factor into your thinking when writing your review, beyond perhaps tempering your language to make it easier for them to understand and appreciate your feedback, but that is more about compassion and effective communication. | 1 | 17,637 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxrhrqw | fxqv3hv | 1,594,505,910 | 1,594,500,028 | 6 | 3 | I don't feel too guilty, but I'm also not a total dick when I review (I don't mean to imply you are, or others who feel guilty are - Just that I know I was being constructive, and careful in my wording, so there's no reason, personally, for me to feel guilty). I think as long as you are constructive, kind, patient, and thorough, that's all that matters. Offer helpful suggestions; ask for clarification; raise concerns, and don't be overconfident (!) that your criticisms are correct \[seriously, how many times I've seen reviewers cite some 'major problem' that is 100%, factually incorrect; yet they treat it as though it's 100% a correct criticism, and use it to beat the paper down\]. I also tend to couch my criticism in a 'niceties' sandwich. Start by reiterating the purpose of the paper; mention positive thoughts you had going into it. Bring up major concerns first (appropriately calibrated to your confidence in those concerns). Bring up minor concerns second. Editorial notes third (misspellings, flow problems, reorganization tips). Then end with what you think was good about the paper; these can still be couched as 'critical', in the sense of "I really enjoyed sections X, Y, and Z; I think section A would be improved if it came after section X." Make it clear that you hope the review can help improve the paper and future projects; and that the review isn't inherently meant to be pissy. I sometimes even say "I apologize if my terse review reads as harsher than intended; I enjoyed many aspects of this paper, and feel it could be improved by my comments above." \[literally, because sometimes I have terse sentences that indeed could be read by someone as aggressive\]. I review others' papers as I wish they'd review mine. I'm thorough, careful, and helpful; I try to be nice, because there's no need to be cruel in a review, despite what some asses think. As long as I do that, I feel confident in whatever recommendation I give, and I don't feel guilty for it. | Maybe, you were being mean? | 1 | 5,882 | 2 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxrhrqw | fxq84lt | 1,594,505,910 | 1,594,494,593 | 6 | 2 | I don't feel too guilty, but I'm also not a total dick when I review (I don't mean to imply you are, or others who feel guilty are - Just that I know I was being constructive, and careful in my wording, so there's no reason, personally, for me to feel guilty). I think as long as you are constructive, kind, patient, and thorough, that's all that matters. Offer helpful suggestions; ask for clarification; raise concerns, and don't be overconfident (!) that your criticisms are correct \[seriously, how many times I've seen reviewers cite some 'major problem' that is 100%, factually incorrect; yet they treat it as though it's 100% a correct criticism, and use it to beat the paper down\]. I also tend to couch my criticism in a 'niceties' sandwich. Start by reiterating the purpose of the paper; mention positive thoughts you had going into it. Bring up major concerns first (appropriately calibrated to your confidence in those concerns). Bring up minor concerns second. Editorial notes third (misspellings, flow problems, reorganization tips). Then end with what you think was good about the paper; these can still be couched as 'critical', in the sense of "I really enjoyed sections X, Y, and Z; I think section A would be improved if it came after section X." Make it clear that you hope the review can help improve the paper and future projects; and that the review isn't inherently meant to be pissy. I sometimes even say "I apologize if my terse review reads as harsher than intended; I enjoyed many aspects of this paper, and feel it could be improved by my comments above." \[literally, because sometimes I have terse sentences that indeed could be read by someone as aggressive\]. I review others' papers as I wish they'd review mine. I'm thorough, careful, and helpful; I try to be nice, because there's no need to be cruel in a review, despite what some asses think. As long as I do that, I feel confident in whatever recommendation I give, and I don't feel guilty for it. | My experience as a writer and reviewer is that most papers end up accepted eventually. Failure of a paper to be published in a given submission cycle is typically due to a mismatch between journal and manuscript, and the manuscript will be okay, often with minimal revision, once it finds the right journal. Very few papers (<10%) are so bad that they require substantial overhauls. Those really bad papers are bad for only a handful of reasons. The biggest reason is insufficient communication and feedback between the authors; either the trainee is not taking feedback from their PI, or their PI is not providing sufficient guidance. A rejected manuscript can be a way to shock the system, so to speak, and get the PI and trainee communicating in order to fix problems in how the authors go from data to results to inferences, or bringing on additional experts to address gaps in technical expertise. That's not to say there aren't malicious or frivolous rejections (there are and I've seen some first-hand) but if you're trying to be constructive but still identifying critical problems with a manuscript, the chances are this will ultimately help everyone involved, including the trainee. | 1 | 11,317 | 3 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxqyszd | fxrhrqw | 1,594,500,915 | 1,594,505,910 | 2 | 6 | Just had a paper rejected for lame reasons. Was it you??? Actually submitted and accepted to another journal, so no hard feelings | I don't feel too guilty, but I'm also not a total dick when I review (I don't mean to imply you are, or others who feel guilty are - Just that I know I was being constructive, and careful in my wording, so there's no reason, personally, for me to feel guilty). I think as long as you are constructive, kind, patient, and thorough, that's all that matters. Offer helpful suggestions; ask for clarification; raise concerns, and don't be overconfident (!) that your criticisms are correct \[seriously, how many times I've seen reviewers cite some 'major problem' that is 100%, factually incorrect; yet they treat it as though it's 100% a correct criticism, and use it to beat the paper down\]. I also tend to couch my criticism in a 'niceties' sandwich. Start by reiterating the purpose of the paper; mention positive thoughts you had going into it. Bring up major concerns first (appropriately calibrated to your confidence in those concerns). Bring up minor concerns second. Editorial notes third (misspellings, flow problems, reorganization tips). Then end with what you think was good about the paper; these can still be couched as 'critical', in the sense of "I really enjoyed sections X, Y, and Z; I think section A would be improved if it came after section X." Make it clear that you hope the review can help improve the paper and future projects; and that the review isn't inherently meant to be pissy. I sometimes even say "I apologize if my terse review reads as harsher than intended; I enjoyed many aspects of this paper, and feel it could be improved by my comments above." \[literally, because sometimes I have terse sentences that indeed could be read by someone as aggressive\]. I review others' papers as I wish they'd review mine. I'm thorough, careful, and helpful; I try to be nice, because there's no need to be cruel in a review, despite what some asses think. As long as I do that, I feel confident in whatever recommendation I give, and I don't feel guilty for it. | 0 | 4,995 | 3 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxp02b2 | fxowssw | 1,594,483,639 | 1,594,482,873 | 4 | 3 | I feel a little bad. And, I have never recommended to reject a paper outright. Instead I opt to choose the reject and resubmit option. The editor has to make the decision whether or not it can be resubmitted. With that said, I have not reviewed a paper that I thought was fundamentally unsound. I don't feel bad, because I think of my first manuscript which was a hot mess. My PI probably should not have let me submit it. But, I think he was fed up with me not making progress so we just sent it in. Fortunately the reviewers gave constructive feedback and I end up resubmitting laterally and getting the paper accepted. The review process made my paper way better than it was. | I’m surprised more people don’t feel this way. I do, even though I know being critical where necessary is the right thing to do. | 1 | 766 | 1.333333 |
hpawhd | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Do you ever feel "reviewer's guilt"? Recently reviewed a paper and couldn't help but give it a very critical review with a recommendation to the editor to reject. I gave a very detailed review with both specific and general comments, and tried to write something constructive. I can't help but empathize with the writer. Probably a PhD student trying to get published, worked hard and did what his advisor suggested and likely poured his guts in to it. I couldn't suggest to accept it but I can't help feeling guilty for "being mean" to the authors and ruining their day/week/month. Anyone else feel this? How do you deal with it? | fxqv3hv | fxq84lt | 1,594,500,028 | 1,594,494,593 | 3 | 2 | Maybe, you were being mean? | My experience as a writer and reviewer is that most papers end up accepted eventually. Failure of a paper to be published in a given submission cycle is typically due to a mismatch between journal and manuscript, and the manuscript will be okay, often with minimal revision, once it finds the right journal. Very few papers (<10%) are so bad that they require substantial overhauls. Those really bad papers are bad for only a handful of reasons. The biggest reason is insufficient communication and feedback between the authors; either the trainee is not taking feedback from their PI, or their PI is not providing sufficient guidance. A rejected manuscript can be a way to shock the system, so to speak, and get the PI and trainee communicating in order to fix problems in how the authors go from data to results to inferences, or bringing on additional experts to address gaps in technical expertise. That's not to say there aren't malicious or frivolous rejections (there are and I've seen some first-hand) but if you're trying to be constructive but still identifying critical problems with a manuscript, the chances are this will ultimately help everyone involved, including the trainee. | 1 | 5,435 | 1.5 |
vw3pui | askacademia_train | 0.98 | My advisor might be dying and I don't know what to do. I'm a 4th year PhD student in the natural sciences, USA. I'm trying to be vague for privacy reasons; if you need clarification, please ask. My advisor's health took a turn for the worse in May. He's not doing well. We're a very small group - 3 grad students, of which I'm the oldest, 2 post-docs, and my advisor - working on a multi-institution project. We're the only group in the collaboration responsible for our component, and it's pretty mission-critical. I am, to put it bluntly, terrified. The most experienced post-doc, who helms the group when our advisor isn't available and holds a major leadership role in the collaboration, is in a tenuous position w.r.t. their visa. The other post-doc will leave for industry if our advisor passes. Neither of the other grad students have finished their qual or formed an advisory committee, the youngest barely has her project started. No one else at my institution can support me staying on this project - I'd have to transfer to another group/institution on our collaboration to have a prayer of finishing my degree, and if our post-doc leaves for industry it *still* may not be possible. This man took a risk on me no one else was willing to take. He's a second father to me. I have never been so scared, I have no idea what I'm doing, I desperately need *any* kind of advice. How do I support the younger grad students? How do I navigate our funding? What do I say to collaboration leadership (who are all in the dark)? How would I even approach an advisor at another institution about picking up the pieces of our shattered little team? Please help me, I feel like I'm drowning. | ifns4c4 | ifnw9it | 1,657,497,953 | 1,657,499,953 | 193 | 249 | As a 4th year, you *should* be able to complete your PhD at that university given these circumstances. The younger students, especially the one that has barely started, may not be able to complete at all. In their cases, (particularly the newer of the two students), they'll likely need to start over or maybe continue what they've started under the guidance of another advisor. Basically, once you're far enough along in a PhD program, even if your advisor dies/leaves/quits, you can often get some grace provided to you from your department and allow you to finish. If you're relatively new to a PhD program (haven't completed quals in particular), you're more likely to have to restart in a new lab. | This happened recently in my field. I’m assuming your professor is reasonably well established. Reach out to former students of your professor who are now faculty themselves: you might be surprised by the amount of support you may receive from them. | 0 | 2,000 | 1.290155 |
vw3pui | askacademia_train | 0.98 | My advisor might be dying and I don't know what to do. I'm a 4th year PhD student in the natural sciences, USA. I'm trying to be vague for privacy reasons; if you need clarification, please ask. My advisor's health took a turn for the worse in May. He's not doing well. We're a very small group - 3 grad students, of which I'm the oldest, 2 post-docs, and my advisor - working on a multi-institution project. We're the only group in the collaboration responsible for our component, and it's pretty mission-critical. I am, to put it bluntly, terrified. The most experienced post-doc, who helms the group when our advisor isn't available and holds a major leadership role in the collaboration, is in a tenuous position w.r.t. their visa. The other post-doc will leave for industry if our advisor passes. Neither of the other grad students have finished their qual or formed an advisory committee, the youngest barely has her project started. No one else at my institution can support me staying on this project - I'd have to transfer to another group/institution on our collaboration to have a prayer of finishing my degree, and if our post-doc leaves for industry it *still* may not be possible. This man took a risk on me no one else was willing to take. He's a second father to me. I have never been so scared, I have no idea what I'm doing, I desperately need *any* kind of advice. How do I support the younger grad students? How do I navigate our funding? What do I say to collaboration leadership (who are all in the dark)? How would I even approach an advisor at another institution about picking up the pieces of our shattered little team? Please help me, I feel like I'm drowning. | ifnp3ol | ifnw9it | 1,657,496,508 | 1,657,499,953 | 47 | 249 | Your advisor should be working on ensuring that all of you will finish. Yes, he has a lot on his plate but if he is an experienced mentor you all are the first thoughts after his family. That said...4th year? Get writing man. I had one of my committee die suddenly and 2 of the remaining 3 were in their 60s. Put the fear of God into me and I holed up and wrote my thesis in 3 weeks after not having been in any hurry for the past 3 years. | This happened recently in my field. I’m assuming your professor is reasonably well established. Reach out to former students of your professor who are now faculty themselves: you might be surprised by the amount of support you may receive from them. | 0 | 3,445 | 5.297872 |
vw3pui | askacademia_train | 0.98 | My advisor might be dying and I don't know what to do. I'm a 4th year PhD student in the natural sciences, USA. I'm trying to be vague for privacy reasons; if you need clarification, please ask. My advisor's health took a turn for the worse in May. He's not doing well. We're a very small group - 3 grad students, of which I'm the oldest, 2 post-docs, and my advisor - working on a multi-institution project. We're the only group in the collaboration responsible for our component, and it's pretty mission-critical. I am, to put it bluntly, terrified. The most experienced post-doc, who helms the group when our advisor isn't available and holds a major leadership role in the collaboration, is in a tenuous position w.r.t. their visa. The other post-doc will leave for industry if our advisor passes. Neither of the other grad students have finished their qual or formed an advisory committee, the youngest barely has her project started. No one else at my institution can support me staying on this project - I'd have to transfer to another group/institution on our collaboration to have a prayer of finishing my degree, and if our post-doc leaves for industry it *still* may not be possible. This man took a risk on me no one else was willing to take. He's a second father to me. I have never been so scared, I have no idea what I'm doing, I desperately need *any* kind of advice. How do I support the younger grad students? How do I navigate our funding? What do I say to collaboration leadership (who are all in the dark)? How would I even approach an advisor at another institution about picking up the pieces of our shattered little team? Please help me, I feel like I'm drowning. | ifnp6cn | ifnw9it | 1,657,496,545 | 1,657,499,953 | 18 | 249 | I'm sorry you are going through this. Has the Director of the graduate program contacted you? They will likely have a plan in mind for you and the other graduate students. Since you are further along, its possible you can finish your current project while being mentored by another group (weekly meetings with PI and attending lab meetings). I have seen this sort of arrangement happen in the past. Given the other graduate students are early on, they are more likely than not starting over in another lab. You can support them by being there, encouraging them, and perhaps suggesting some labs they could pivot to, if that is what they want. But, its the graduate program administration's job to support the students. They should take care of it. Deep breaths!! It's not your responsibility to figure out funding, or how to break the news to collaborators. The department chair and perhaps the postdocs will take care of these things. I am trully sorry you are going through this- this is just brutal to read. Just know you are not alone! | This happened recently in my field. I’m assuming your professor is reasonably well established. Reach out to former students of your professor who are now faculty themselves: you might be surprised by the amount of support you may receive from them. | 0 | 3,408 | 13.833333 |
vw3pui | askacademia_train | 0.98 | My advisor might be dying and I don't know what to do. I'm a 4th year PhD student in the natural sciences, USA. I'm trying to be vague for privacy reasons; if you need clarification, please ask. My advisor's health took a turn for the worse in May. He's not doing well. We're a very small group - 3 grad students, of which I'm the oldest, 2 post-docs, and my advisor - working on a multi-institution project. We're the only group in the collaboration responsible for our component, and it's pretty mission-critical. I am, to put it bluntly, terrified. The most experienced post-doc, who helms the group when our advisor isn't available and holds a major leadership role in the collaboration, is in a tenuous position w.r.t. their visa. The other post-doc will leave for industry if our advisor passes. Neither of the other grad students have finished their qual or formed an advisory committee, the youngest barely has her project started. No one else at my institution can support me staying on this project - I'd have to transfer to another group/institution on our collaboration to have a prayer of finishing my degree, and if our post-doc leaves for industry it *still* may not be possible. This man took a risk on me no one else was willing to take. He's a second father to me. I have never been so scared, I have no idea what I'm doing, I desperately need *any* kind of advice. How do I support the younger grad students? How do I navigate our funding? What do I say to collaboration leadership (who are all in the dark)? How would I even approach an advisor at another institution about picking up the pieces of our shattered little team? Please help me, I feel like I'm drowning. | ifns4c4 | ifnp3ol | 1,657,497,953 | 1,657,496,508 | 193 | 47 | As a 4th year, you *should* be able to complete your PhD at that university given these circumstances. The younger students, especially the one that has barely started, may not be able to complete at all. In their cases, (particularly the newer of the two students), they'll likely need to start over or maybe continue what they've started under the guidance of another advisor. Basically, once you're far enough along in a PhD program, even if your advisor dies/leaves/quits, you can often get some grace provided to you from your department and allow you to finish. If you're relatively new to a PhD program (haven't completed quals in particular), you're more likely to have to restart in a new lab. | Your advisor should be working on ensuring that all of you will finish. Yes, he has a lot on his plate but if he is an experienced mentor you all are the first thoughts after his family. That said...4th year? Get writing man. I had one of my committee die suddenly and 2 of the remaining 3 were in their 60s. Put the fear of God into me and I holed up and wrote my thesis in 3 weeks after not having been in any hurry for the past 3 years. | 1 | 1,445 | 4.106383 |
vw3pui | askacademia_train | 0.98 | My advisor might be dying and I don't know what to do. I'm a 4th year PhD student in the natural sciences, USA. I'm trying to be vague for privacy reasons; if you need clarification, please ask. My advisor's health took a turn for the worse in May. He's not doing well. We're a very small group - 3 grad students, of which I'm the oldest, 2 post-docs, and my advisor - working on a multi-institution project. We're the only group in the collaboration responsible for our component, and it's pretty mission-critical. I am, to put it bluntly, terrified. The most experienced post-doc, who helms the group when our advisor isn't available and holds a major leadership role in the collaboration, is in a tenuous position w.r.t. their visa. The other post-doc will leave for industry if our advisor passes. Neither of the other grad students have finished their qual or formed an advisory committee, the youngest barely has her project started. No one else at my institution can support me staying on this project - I'd have to transfer to another group/institution on our collaboration to have a prayer of finishing my degree, and if our post-doc leaves for industry it *still* may not be possible. This man took a risk on me no one else was willing to take. He's a second father to me. I have never been so scared, I have no idea what I'm doing, I desperately need *any* kind of advice. How do I support the younger grad students? How do I navigate our funding? What do I say to collaboration leadership (who are all in the dark)? How would I even approach an advisor at another institution about picking up the pieces of our shattered little team? Please help me, I feel like I'm drowning. | ifns4c4 | ifnp6cn | 1,657,497,953 | 1,657,496,545 | 193 | 18 | As a 4th year, you *should* be able to complete your PhD at that university given these circumstances. The younger students, especially the one that has barely started, may not be able to complete at all. In their cases, (particularly the newer of the two students), they'll likely need to start over or maybe continue what they've started under the guidance of another advisor. Basically, once you're far enough along in a PhD program, even if your advisor dies/leaves/quits, you can often get some grace provided to you from your department and allow you to finish. If you're relatively new to a PhD program (haven't completed quals in particular), you're more likely to have to restart in a new lab. | I'm sorry you are going through this. Has the Director of the graduate program contacted you? They will likely have a plan in mind for you and the other graduate students. Since you are further along, its possible you can finish your current project while being mentored by another group (weekly meetings with PI and attending lab meetings). I have seen this sort of arrangement happen in the past. Given the other graduate students are early on, they are more likely than not starting over in another lab. You can support them by being there, encouraging them, and perhaps suggesting some labs they could pivot to, if that is what they want. But, its the graduate program administration's job to support the students. They should take care of it. Deep breaths!! It's not your responsibility to figure out funding, or how to break the news to collaborators. The department chair and perhaps the postdocs will take care of these things. I am trully sorry you are going through this- this is just brutal to read. Just know you are not alone! | 1 | 1,408 | 10.722222 |
vw3pui | askacademia_train | 0.98 | My advisor might be dying and I don't know what to do. I'm a 4th year PhD student in the natural sciences, USA. I'm trying to be vague for privacy reasons; if you need clarification, please ask. My advisor's health took a turn for the worse in May. He's not doing well. We're a very small group - 3 grad students, of which I'm the oldest, 2 post-docs, and my advisor - working on a multi-institution project. We're the only group in the collaboration responsible for our component, and it's pretty mission-critical. I am, to put it bluntly, terrified. The most experienced post-doc, who helms the group when our advisor isn't available and holds a major leadership role in the collaboration, is in a tenuous position w.r.t. their visa. The other post-doc will leave for industry if our advisor passes. Neither of the other grad students have finished their qual or formed an advisory committee, the youngest barely has her project started. No one else at my institution can support me staying on this project - I'd have to transfer to another group/institution on our collaboration to have a prayer of finishing my degree, and if our post-doc leaves for industry it *still* may not be possible. This man took a risk on me no one else was willing to take. He's a second father to me. I have never been so scared, I have no idea what I'm doing, I desperately need *any* kind of advice. How do I support the younger grad students? How do I navigate our funding? What do I say to collaboration leadership (who are all in the dark)? How would I even approach an advisor at another institution about picking up the pieces of our shattered little team? Please help me, I feel like I'm drowning. | ifnp6cn | ifny1pv | 1,657,496,545 | 1,657,500,817 | 18 | 23 | I'm sorry you are going through this. Has the Director of the graduate program contacted you? They will likely have a plan in mind for you and the other graduate students. Since you are further along, its possible you can finish your current project while being mentored by another group (weekly meetings with PI and attending lab meetings). I have seen this sort of arrangement happen in the past. Given the other graduate students are early on, they are more likely than not starting over in another lab. You can support them by being there, encouraging them, and perhaps suggesting some labs they could pivot to, if that is what they want. But, its the graduate program administration's job to support the students. They should take care of it. Deep breaths!! It's not your responsibility to figure out funding, or how to break the news to collaborators. The department chair and perhaps the postdocs will take care of these things. I am trully sorry you are going through this- this is just brutal to read. Just know you are not alone! | Something similar happened to me at the beginning of my 4th year (STEM, R1), my advisor very suddenly retired as both he and his wife were suddenly ill. I got another semester of funding and then needed to pay out of pocket for one semester of dissertation research credit because it was like herding cats to get my committee together. Dissertation credits were substantially cheaper than regular class credits (like less than half the cost). It wasn’t ideal, but it was manageable. As others have said, start writing like hell! | 0 | 4,272 | 1.277778 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | georv7b | gep2yra | 1,607,163,005 | 1,607,174,451 | 59 | 333 | I'm not sure if this is a wise suggestion at all, but maybe I would consider writing the report as if you were not the person directly affected by the situation. You can pretend you are one of your peers, and write something like "a colleague of mine told me... They don't dare speaking up themselves in fear of ripercussions... It is a serious issue I thought should be reported and I thought I'd do it even if they [aka you, OP] decided not to report the situation themselves..." Something like this. It will not hide for long that you are the gay student in the center, but it will maybe help avoiding the blame for the report. I'm not sure this helps. I do think you would do a good thing for yourself and for students who might find themselves in your current situation in the future by reporting this. I know it is a big burden and it takes a lot of courage. Don't forget that there is really no blame on you if you can't gather this much courage. For you, it is going to be tough either way (although in different ways, maybe) unfortunately. It is just up to you to choose whether to face possible consequences but bring some kind of attention to the problem or just leave it (if you can tolerate it) and just be done with that place as soon as you graduate. Whatever option you choose, you won't choose wrong. | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | 0 | 11,446 | 5.644068 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | georvoz | gep2yra | 1,607,163,020 | 1,607,174,451 | 34 | 333 | You shouldn’t do this alone, look for two other people you are sure will support you. Also, if they behave like this toward gays they are likely also racist and sexist so talk to the women and colored and see if it’s something systemic and then start gathering evidence, record them. Forget about the NSF, send this to the media and then share it here and we will all go up in arms online to criticize the center, and we will demand that its head step down since he has enabled a climate of fear and abuse to flourish. Just an idea :) | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | 0 | 11,431 | 9.794118 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geol0yf | gep2yra | 1,607,155,505 | 1,607,174,451 | 33 | 333 | Does your Center have an anonymous suggestion ox? Is there someone (like head of outreach) you feel comfortable speaking with? Without bringing this up to someone in the Center first, and bringing this to external evaluators before anyone else in the Center may, sadly, cause you a lot of (undeserved) continued or worsened discomfort (ex. External evaluation presents anonymous findings, everyone is taken aback, you sit there silent, knowing it’s true, but worried you will be found out, and you feel some (undeserved) blame for the negative impression of your Center and source of funding) | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | 0 | 18,946 | 10.090909 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep2yra | gep0m09 | 1,607,174,451 | 1,607,172,412 | 333 | 18 | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | Hey just wanted to say I'm really sorry this is happening to you and not all academia is like this. I'm bi and my department has 2 other gay men and used to have a bi woman adjunct married to a woman. My school even has a "queer faculty and staff caucus" where we get together (well, over zoom now) and hang out with other queer faculty/staff. One thing I love about academia is that I can be myself after growing up super religious so it makes me so sad to hear this. I like the suggestion of reporting witnessing harassment and not saying it was you. But if you have less than a year to go I might stay quiet and report it on my way out personally. I don't think either is the wrong decision and it is fine to work in your best interest even if you don't save your whole center from homophobia in the future...that is not actually your job. There is a a great group on facebook called Queer PHD network. | 1 | 2,039 | 18.5 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geoymzb | gep2yra | 1,607,170,476 | 1,607,174,451 | 14 | 333 | Your center has a diversity office and/ or a title IX office ( whomever deals with such things in your school). And HR. They are the ones that need to know and can implement change. | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | 0 | 3,975 | 23.785714 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geoxe5o | gep2yra | 1,607,169,172 | 1,607,174,451 | 11 | 333 | I know everyone here has said some variation of: report them. I would say, don’t. It’s easy to say: do the right thing, there are departments to help. Others need it. However, they’re not in your shoes. You are miserable now. If you “report them anonymously” as some have suggested, the slurs and the jokes? They might get worse. Academia is gossipy and everyone knows each other or is two or three degrees separated from each other. In highly specialized fields with these types of grants? World shrinks even more. What about allies to write up a formal complaint or to take up a series of signatures to show this is an issue? You already said people can be openly homophobic and it’s a joke. Hell, they can torment you directly by throwing that shit in your face and nothing happens. If you could find people to sign or support you, how far would that go when they have to decide between being a good person or putting their careers on the line for a possible competitor once they graduate? I’m not trying to be a dick. You have endured homophobic abuse this long while working and this seems like the perfect opportunity to shine a light on this type of abuse. But if you do and it gets ignored, then it might feel super shitty to have put yourself out there and no one gives a fuck. If they do and it’s negative, then it gets worse for you. But, best case scenario: you get some traction, will the environment suddenly change because people have to watch a new training video and get a certificate that says they won’t use slurs in the workplace? I am not trying to say this is not terrible, but I am saying: you are not a coward for wanting to survive. You are being realistic and you are taking care of yourself as best you can in that type of environment. You’re stronger than a lot of us, but you are also exhausted and that’s understandable. I don’t have the right answer. Maybe speaking up is right. Maybe it isn’t. All I know is that you haven’t spoken up before, and having an external source of help might seem like a good idea, but they just evaluate. At the end of the day it’s up to the research center and your direct supervisor to change the environment. If it hasn’t changed, that might be your best indicator of whether this is a fight you want to add on top of your research and work related stressors. **TL:DR** – *speak up or don’t. It’s up to you. Just keep in mind all three scenarios: best case, worst case and neutral/nothing happens case. And be prepared for the most likely, given the current climate and your colleagues, supervisors and administration.* | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | 0 | 5,279 | 30.272727 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geotbtr | gep2yra | 1,607,164,661 | 1,607,174,451 | 8 | 333 | I am shocked that this is possible in science in 2020 in a 'civilised' country (the US, right?) :'( In AUS/DE/IT where I worked/studied, the culture is 99% gay/whatever friendly. If anything it might make you more interesting. But generally, these things are personal and have nothing to do with science. Don't let it set you against the field or discourage you from your science! Almost all the scientists I know are 'wierd'/unusual in some way, that's one of of my favorite things about it. If you think you'd be punished, maybe try to document everything and wait a little until your closer to graduating before going public. Then get the hell out. If anything, speaking up and making a stand would be considered a positive attribute by any research institute that you would want to be in. | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | 0 | 9,790 | 41.625 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geovf1c | gep2yra | 1,607,167,003 | 1,607,174,451 | 8 | 333 | Protect yourself first (mentally also), then denounce the shady shit. | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | 0 | 7,448 | 41.625 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep2yra | geovodh | 1,607,174,451 | 1,607,167,296 | 333 | 6 | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | OP, does your organization have an EEO office? You need to put this crap to a stop, but start locally if you can. You say that you’re at an NSF lab, which I’m taking to mean a group funded by NSF. A university or NGO should have some kind of EEO or diversity office or point person. Go to them immediately. Report this. There are steps open to you that start small scale and escalate until this is resolved. | 1 | 7,155 | 55.5 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep2yra | geouakz | 1,607,174,451 | 1,607,165,750 | 333 | 5 | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | You need to talk to your graduate school or your HR department, depending on whether or not you are considered an employee. Don’t talk to your advisor. Universities have procedures and policies for this. And don’t do it anonymously, it’s already happening to you so that won’t help. | 1 | 8,701 | 66.6 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geotfyo | gep2yra | 1,607,164,792 | 1,607,174,451 | 2 | 333 | What field, btw? | I am an older lesbian working in higher education admin. Here's my take:its not you responsibility to tank your life o er this situation. Survival is key. If it were me, I would probably tough it out while building a case to submit to the institution and government agency after I left. I mean daily documentation of dates and times and actors and passive observers of each incident in the notes in my phone that I would transcribe to a document. Then the hot second I either found a better environment or finished and left off it would go to both of those entities. I'd also find out how to get representation through the aclu and or glaad or whomever. Then I'd go on about my damn life and let those folks Duke it out. At that point you have essentially provided a dossier and insulated yourself from repercussion. But again. You are under no obligation to take any action which threatens your safety or well being if it goes against who you are to do so. | 0 | 9,659 | 166.5 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep3hji | georv7b | 1,607,174,885 | 1,607,163,005 | 115 | 59 | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | I'm not sure if this is a wise suggestion at all, but maybe I would consider writing the report as if you were not the person directly affected by the situation. You can pretend you are one of your peers, and write something like "a colleague of mine told me... They don't dare speaking up themselves in fear of ripercussions... It is a serious issue I thought should be reported and I thought I'd do it even if they [aka you, OP] decided not to report the situation themselves..." Something like this. It will not hide for long that you are the gay student in the center, but it will maybe help avoiding the blame for the report. I'm not sure this helps. I do think you would do a good thing for yourself and for students who might find themselves in your current situation in the future by reporting this. I know it is a big burden and it takes a lot of courage. Don't forget that there is really no blame on you if you can't gather this much courage. For you, it is going to be tough either way (although in different ways, maybe) unfortunately. It is just up to you to choose whether to face possible consequences but bring some kind of attention to the problem or just leave it (if you can tolerate it) and just be done with that place as soon as you graduate. Whatever option you choose, you won't choose wrong. | 1 | 11,880 | 1.949153 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep3hji | georvoz | 1,607,174,885 | 1,607,163,020 | 115 | 34 | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | You shouldn’t do this alone, look for two other people you are sure will support you. Also, if they behave like this toward gays they are likely also racist and sexist so talk to the women and colored and see if it’s something systemic and then start gathering evidence, record them. Forget about the NSF, send this to the media and then share it here and we will all go up in arms online to criticize the center, and we will demand that its head step down since he has enabled a climate of fear and abuse to flourish. Just an idea :) | 1 | 11,865 | 3.382353 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geol0yf | gep3hji | 1,607,155,505 | 1,607,174,885 | 33 | 115 | Does your Center have an anonymous suggestion ox? Is there someone (like head of outreach) you feel comfortable speaking with? Without bringing this up to someone in the Center first, and bringing this to external evaluators before anyone else in the Center may, sadly, cause you a lot of (undeserved) continued or worsened discomfort (ex. External evaluation presents anonymous findings, everyone is taken aback, you sit there silent, knowing it’s true, but worried you will be found out, and you feel some (undeserved) blame for the negative impression of your Center and source of funding) | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | 0 | 19,380 | 3.484848 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep0m09 | gep3hji | 1,607,172,412 | 1,607,174,885 | 18 | 115 | Hey just wanted to say I'm really sorry this is happening to you and not all academia is like this. I'm bi and my department has 2 other gay men and used to have a bi woman adjunct married to a woman. My school even has a "queer faculty and staff caucus" where we get together (well, over zoom now) and hang out with other queer faculty/staff. One thing I love about academia is that I can be myself after growing up super religious so it makes me so sad to hear this. I like the suggestion of reporting witnessing harassment and not saying it was you. But if you have less than a year to go I might stay quiet and report it on my way out personally. I don't think either is the wrong decision and it is fine to work in your best interest even if you don't save your whole center from homophobia in the future...that is not actually your job. There is a a great group on facebook called Queer PHD network. | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | 0 | 2,473 | 6.388889 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep3hji | geoymzb | 1,607,174,885 | 1,607,170,476 | 115 | 14 | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | Your center has a diversity office and/ or a title IX office ( whomever deals with such things in your school). And HR. They are the ones that need to know and can implement change. | 1 | 4,409 | 8.214286 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geoxe5o | gep3hji | 1,607,169,172 | 1,607,174,885 | 11 | 115 | I know everyone here has said some variation of: report them. I would say, don’t. It’s easy to say: do the right thing, there are departments to help. Others need it. However, they’re not in your shoes. You are miserable now. If you “report them anonymously” as some have suggested, the slurs and the jokes? They might get worse. Academia is gossipy and everyone knows each other or is two or three degrees separated from each other. In highly specialized fields with these types of grants? World shrinks even more. What about allies to write up a formal complaint or to take up a series of signatures to show this is an issue? You already said people can be openly homophobic and it’s a joke. Hell, they can torment you directly by throwing that shit in your face and nothing happens. If you could find people to sign or support you, how far would that go when they have to decide between being a good person or putting their careers on the line for a possible competitor once they graduate? I’m not trying to be a dick. You have endured homophobic abuse this long while working and this seems like the perfect opportunity to shine a light on this type of abuse. But if you do and it gets ignored, then it might feel super shitty to have put yourself out there and no one gives a fuck. If they do and it’s negative, then it gets worse for you. But, best case scenario: you get some traction, will the environment suddenly change because people have to watch a new training video and get a certificate that says they won’t use slurs in the workplace? I am not trying to say this is not terrible, but I am saying: you are not a coward for wanting to survive. You are being realistic and you are taking care of yourself as best you can in that type of environment. You’re stronger than a lot of us, but you are also exhausted and that’s understandable. I don’t have the right answer. Maybe speaking up is right. Maybe it isn’t. All I know is that you haven’t spoken up before, and having an external source of help might seem like a good idea, but they just evaluate. At the end of the day it’s up to the research center and your direct supervisor to change the environment. If it hasn’t changed, that might be your best indicator of whether this is a fight you want to add on top of your research and work related stressors. **TL:DR** – *speak up or don’t. It’s up to you. Just keep in mind all three scenarios: best case, worst case and neutral/nothing happens case. And be prepared for the most likely, given the current climate and your colleagues, supervisors and administration.* | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | 0 | 5,713 | 10.454545 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geotbtr | gep3hji | 1,607,164,661 | 1,607,174,885 | 8 | 115 | I am shocked that this is possible in science in 2020 in a 'civilised' country (the US, right?) :'( In AUS/DE/IT where I worked/studied, the culture is 99% gay/whatever friendly. If anything it might make you more interesting. But generally, these things are personal and have nothing to do with science. Don't let it set you against the field or discourage you from your science! Almost all the scientists I know are 'wierd'/unusual in some way, that's one of of my favorite things about it. If you think you'd be punished, maybe try to document everything and wait a little until your closer to graduating before going public. Then get the hell out. If anything, speaking up and making a stand would be considered a positive attribute by any research institute that you would want to be in. | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | 0 | 10,224 | 14.375 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geovf1c | gep3hji | 1,607,167,003 | 1,607,174,885 | 8 | 115 | Protect yourself first (mentally also), then denounce the shady shit. | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | 0 | 7,882 | 14.375 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geovodh | gep3hji | 1,607,167,296 | 1,607,174,885 | 6 | 115 | OP, does your organization have an EEO office? You need to put this crap to a stop, but start locally if you can. You say that you’re at an NSF lab, which I’m taking to mean a group funded by NSF. A university or NGO should have some kind of EEO or diversity office or point person. Go to them immediately. Report this. There are steps open to you that start small scale and escalate until this is resolved. | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | 0 | 7,589 | 19.166667 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geouakz | gep3hji | 1,607,165,750 | 1,607,174,885 | 5 | 115 | You need to talk to your graduate school or your HR department, depending on whether or not you are considered an employee. Don’t talk to your advisor. Universities have procedures and policies for this. And don’t do it anonymously, it’s already happening to you so that won’t help. | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | 0 | 9,135 | 23 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geotfyo | gep3hji | 1,607,164,792 | 1,607,174,885 | 2 | 115 | What field, btw? | As a queer scholar, my advice is to protect yourself FIRST. Obviously, no one in your lab, not even your PI, is putting any value on your well-being. You must safeguard your well-being in every way possible. Right now, that probably means not risking your position and reputation so close to graduation. I am furious about this, and I am so deeply sorry that your graduate education has been so badly affected (and yes, disrupted) by this hateful climate. And I know you want to identify and help dismantle this toxic environment, and you want to make it safe for you, and for others who might come after you. But as they say on airplanes, you must put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Once you are safe (that might mean out of that lab, that might mean after you complete a postdoc and have the assurance of excellent letters of rec -- only you will know when you feel truly safe), then you will be able to act. In the meantime, keep the contact information of the NSF investigator. Keep a meticulous record (with times and dates) of every instance of discrimination and harassment you have faced during your time at this research center. And then later, when you are safe, send that information to the NSF investigators, noting that you were afraid of retaliation while you were still a student there. At that time, you can also decide whether to send this report anonymously. I personally hope you soon achieve such a degree of safety, security, and success that you will be able to file this report with your name signed legibly -- in purple glitter ink. I am rooting for you. Find and draw upon support from friends and loved ones. Keep your mind clear from distractions as much as possible, and do excellent work until you can get out of this vile environment. Then, when you are ready, toss the bomb. | 0 | 10,093 | 57.5 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | georv7b | geol0yf | 1,607,163,005 | 1,607,155,505 | 59 | 33 | I'm not sure if this is a wise suggestion at all, but maybe I would consider writing the report as if you were not the person directly affected by the situation. You can pretend you are one of your peers, and write something like "a colleague of mine told me... They don't dare speaking up themselves in fear of ripercussions... It is a serious issue I thought should be reported and I thought I'd do it even if they [aka you, OP] decided not to report the situation themselves..." Something like this. It will not hide for long that you are the gay student in the center, but it will maybe help avoiding the blame for the report. I'm not sure this helps. I do think you would do a good thing for yourself and for students who might find themselves in your current situation in the future by reporting this. I know it is a big burden and it takes a lot of courage. Don't forget that there is really no blame on you if you can't gather this much courage. For you, it is going to be tough either way (although in different ways, maybe) unfortunately. It is just up to you to choose whether to face possible consequences but bring some kind of attention to the problem or just leave it (if you can tolerate it) and just be done with that place as soon as you graduate. Whatever option you choose, you won't choose wrong. | Does your Center have an anonymous suggestion ox? Is there someone (like head of outreach) you feel comfortable speaking with? Without bringing this up to someone in the Center first, and bringing this to external evaluators before anyone else in the Center may, sadly, cause you a lot of (undeserved) continued or worsened discomfort (ex. External evaluation presents anonymous findings, everyone is taken aback, you sit there silent, knowing it’s true, but worried you will be found out, and you feel some (undeserved) blame for the negative impression of your Center and source of funding) | 1 | 7,500 | 1.787879 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | georvoz | geol0yf | 1,607,163,020 | 1,607,155,505 | 34 | 33 | You shouldn’t do this alone, look for two other people you are sure will support you. Also, if they behave like this toward gays they are likely also racist and sexist so talk to the women and colored and see if it’s something systemic and then start gathering evidence, record them. Forget about the NSF, send this to the media and then share it here and we will all go up in arms online to criticize the center, and we will demand that its head step down since he has enabled a climate of fear and abuse to flourish. Just an idea :) | Does your Center have an anonymous suggestion ox? Is there someone (like head of outreach) you feel comfortable speaking with? Without bringing this up to someone in the Center first, and bringing this to external evaluators before anyone else in the Center may, sadly, cause you a lot of (undeserved) continued or worsened discomfort (ex. External evaluation presents anonymous findings, everyone is taken aback, you sit there silent, knowing it’s true, but worried you will be found out, and you feel some (undeserved) blame for the negative impression of your Center and source of funding) | 1 | 7,515 | 1.030303 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep5ttu | gep0m09 | 1,607,176,722 | 1,607,172,412 | 27 | 18 | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | Hey just wanted to say I'm really sorry this is happening to you and not all academia is like this. I'm bi and my department has 2 other gay men and used to have a bi woman adjunct married to a woman. My school even has a "queer faculty and staff caucus" where we get together (well, over zoom now) and hang out with other queer faculty/staff. One thing I love about academia is that I can be myself after growing up super religious so it makes me so sad to hear this. I like the suggestion of reporting witnessing harassment and not saying it was you. But if you have less than a year to go I might stay quiet and report it on my way out personally. I don't think either is the wrong decision and it is fine to work in your best interest even if you don't save your whole center from homophobia in the future...that is not actually your job. There is a a great group on facebook called Queer PHD network. | 1 | 4,310 | 1.5 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geoymzb | gep5ttu | 1,607,170,476 | 1,607,176,722 | 14 | 27 | Your center has a diversity office and/ or a title IX office ( whomever deals with such things in your school). And HR. They are the ones that need to know and can implement change. | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | 0 | 6,246 | 1.928571 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geoxe5o | gep5ttu | 1,607,169,172 | 1,607,176,722 | 11 | 27 | I know everyone here has said some variation of: report them. I would say, don’t. It’s easy to say: do the right thing, there are departments to help. Others need it. However, they’re not in your shoes. You are miserable now. If you “report them anonymously” as some have suggested, the slurs and the jokes? They might get worse. Academia is gossipy and everyone knows each other or is two or three degrees separated from each other. In highly specialized fields with these types of grants? World shrinks even more. What about allies to write up a formal complaint or to take up a series of signatures to show this is an issue? You already said people can be openly homophobic and it’s a joke. Hell, they can torment you directly by throwing that shit in your face and nothing happens. If you could find people to sign or support you, how far would that go when they have to decide between being a good person or putting their careers on the line for a possible competitor once they graduate? I’m not trying to be a dick. You have endured homophobic abuse this long while working and this seems like the perfect opportunity to shine a light on this type of abuse. But if you do and it gets ignored, then it might feel super shitty to have put yourself out there and no one gives a fuck. If they do and it’s negative, then it gets worse for you. But, best case scenario: you get some traction, will the environment suddenly change because people have to watch a new training video and get a certificate that says they won’t use slurs in the workplace? I am not trying to say this is not terrible, but I am saying: you are not a coward for wanting to survive. You are being realistic and you are taking care of yourself as best you can in that type of environment. You’re stronger than a lot of us, but you are also exhausted and that’s understandable. I don’t have the right answer. Maybe speaking up is right. Maybe it isn’t. All I know is that you haven’t spoken up before, and having an external source of help might seem like a good idea, but they just evaluate. At the end of the day it’s up to the research center and your direct supervisor to change the environment. If it hasn’t changed, that might be your best indicator of whether this is a fight you want to add on top of your research and work related stressors. **TL:DR** – *speak up or don’t. It’s up to you. Just keep in mind all three scenarios: best case, worst case and neutral/nothing happens case. And be prepared for the most likely, given the current climate and your colleagues, supervisors and administration.* | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | 0 | 7,550 | 2.454545 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geotbtr | gep5ttu | 1,607,164,661 | 1,607,176,722 | 8 | 27 | I am shocked that this is possible in science in 2020 in a 'civilised' country (the US, right?) :'( In AUS/DE/IT where I worked/studied, the culture is 99% gay/whatever friendly. If anything it might make you more interesting. But generally, these things are personal and have nothing to do with science. Don't let it set you against the field or discourage you from your science! Almost all the scientists I know are 'wierd'/unusual in some way, that's one of of my favorite things about it. If you think you'd be punished, maybe try to document everything and wait a little until your closer to graduating before going public. Then get the hell out. If anything, speaking up and making a stand would be considered a positive attribute by any research institute that you would want to be in. | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | 0 | 12,061 | 3.375 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geovf1c | gep5ttu | 1,607,167,003 | 1,607,176,722 | 8 | 27 | Protect yourself first (mentally also), then denounce the shady shit. | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | 0 | 9,719 | 3.375 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep5ttu | geovodh | 1,607,176,722 | 1,607,167,296 | 27 | 6 | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | OP, does your organization have an EEO office? You need to put this crap to a stop, but start locally if you can. You say that you’re at an NSF lab, which I’m taking to mean a group funded by NSF. A university or NGO should have some kind of EEO or diversity office or point person. Go to them immediately. Report this. There are steps open to you that start small scale and escalate until this is resolved. | 1 | 9,426 | 4.5 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep5ttu | geouakz | 1,607,176,722 | 1,607,165,750 | 27 | 5 | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | You need to talk to your graduate school or your HR department, depending on whether or not you are considered an employee. Don’t talk to your advisor. Universities have procedures and policies for this. And don’t do it anonymously, it’s already happening to you so that won’t help. | 1 | 10,972 | 5.4 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geotfyo | gep5ttu | 1,607,164,792 | 1,607,176,722 | 2 | 27 | What field, btw? | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | 0 | 11,930 | 13.5 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | gep4kmw | gep5ttu | 1,607,175,755 | 1,607,176,722 | 2 | 27 | Sorry this is happening to you, I don't think it's the norm. Protect yourself and your career first. If you can safely send an anonymous email please do it. Otherwise maybe wait the year until you've gone to work elsewhere and then report to the evaluator's and to the school's EO office. Keep track of dates, times, people and places. Keep an eye out for other people who may be suffering under this hostile environment. | I worked in an HIV research lab and witnessed numerous disgusting incidents of homophobia. I blew the whistle. My supervisor retaliated and destroyed my research career while the person responsible for the reprehensible homophobia, who also vengefully sabotaged my research materials, went on to graduate and is now a postdoc pulling in several large grants. His behaviour remains buried under the rug where anyone in academia will end up should they dare come forward. | 0 | 967 | 13.5 |
k73dy7 | askacademia_train | 0.93 | Should I Speak up About Homophobia in Research Center? **I am a gay graduate student who's part of an NSF research center in the hard sciences. An external evaluator is polling members about the center's climate to send to the administrators and to the NSF. I've been on the receiving end of homophobia on a number of occasions in the center.** In one instance, another grad student learned about me while we were at a conference and spent the next day following me around and calling me gay slurs when others were out of earshot. They also told people not to trust me and that I don't belong at the conference. At a professional lunch with another lab in the center, the other graduate students made horrible gay jokes throughout the meal. Two of them managed to mockingly imitate a gay couple and a third dropped the f-bomb a few times for good measure. I have more examples that I won't list here, but there's an atmosphere around the center that makes me feel unwelcome and at risk of being treated unfairly. Having to hide myself has probably has affected my mental state and therefor my research. The only other gay student in the center ended up leaving because of this environment. **I've been considering anonymously emailing the person evaluating the research center to let them know about my experiences, but have been struggling with the decision.** I want someone to know and for something to be done. On the other hand, I'm worried about danger to my professional life if I speak up and don't think anything will change even if I am heard and go through that risk. Talking to the evaluator could be seen by the administrators as me sabotaging the center's funding, but I am mainly concerned about what would happen if people in my home lab learn that I am gay from the report. They don't know about me, but if people hear about someone complaining in the center then it wouldn't be hard to find out who it is since I'm the only gay one in a tiny research center. My advisor is super catholic and Russian and a lot of the people I work with are also pretty religious. I'm only a year away from graduating and am thinking that I should just suck it up and then leave this bad situation when I get my degree. However, I also feel like such a coward for not being able to speak up about this and having to pretend that everything is great when I am literally fantasizing about leaving the field I am in to be around more accepting researchers. **What do you think Reddit? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation and what did you do?** | geoymzb | gep0m09 | 1,607,170,476 | 1,607,172,412 | 14 | 18 | Your center has a diversity office and/ or a title IX office ( whomever deals with such things in your school). And HR. They are the ones that need to know and can implement change. | Hey just wanted to say I'm really sorry this is happening to you and not all academia is like this. I'm bi and my department has 2 other gay men and used to have a bi woman adjunct married to a woman. My school even has a "queer faculty and staff caucus" where we get together (well, over zoom now) and hang out with other queer faculty/staff. One thing I love about academia is that I can be myself after growing up super religious so it makes me so sad to hear this. I like the suggestion of reporting witnessing harassment and not saying it was you. But if you have less than a year to go I might stay quiet and report it on my way out personally. I don't think either is the wrong decision and it is fine to work in your best interest even if you don't save your whole center from homophobia in the future...that is not actually your job. There is a a great group on facebook called Queer PHD network. | 0 | 1,936 | 1.285714 |
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