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ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5r8s85 | g5r4s4q | 1,600,471,585 | 1,600,469,273 | 3 | 2 | You might be better suited for a research-type career in public service. When you work for government you can do interesting work, and once you hit more senior levels you can also influence budgetary measures that can have a real and immediate impact out in the world. | I'm a professor in education. My work is very practical and I do a lot of work in schools. I chose that. On the one hand, the research may not be widely read and we repeat each other a lot. BUT what I'm doing now affects kids right now. I can find motivation all the time (except really existentially threatening times). I would not be able to keep that up if I was doing basic research. | 1 | 2,312 | 1.5 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5q9zsa | g5rser9 | 1,600,454,720 | 1,600,481,652 | 2 | 4 | Im economist so I can resonate with your points. However if you love research you will realize that your passion for research is greater than anything else. I can give you many examples of economics being useful: the kidney market in the US, the entire mechanism of google and faceboom ads, and sometimes monetary system around the world. Also the carbon tax and carbon market were designed by economists, they definitely helped with climate change. | The truth is, I think, that most of us wont do any truly revolutionary research. What we will do is contribute to a larger body of knowledge. Every bit of research is something that wasn't known before. It might not make a huge difference now but the little things build up over time. I think too that many, if not all fields are tied to real world problems once you dig into them. | 0 | 26,932 | 2 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5rser9 | g5qhhm7 | 1,600,481,652 | 1,600,458,637 | 4 | 3 | The truth is, I think, that most of us wont do any truly revolutionary research. What we will do is contribute to a larger body of knowledge. Every bit of research is something that wasn't known before. It might not make a huge difference now but the little things build up over time. I think too that many, if not all fields are tied to real world problems once you dig into them. | That's what depressed me. Plus the idea that any good, scholarly work I create will be read by a few hundred people, tops. | 1 | 23,015 | 1.333333 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5qiyao | g5rser9 | 1,600,459,296 | 1,600,481,652 | 3 | 4 | This was exactly how I felt about 10 years ago when I decided to leave my PhD program with a masters and pursue a different career path. I love to teach and I enjoy doing research but when I would read the journal articles published in my field, I found them boring. This made me think about how other people in my field would read my boring research because they had to read it for their literature review and then create some other research, which, like mine, had no practical application. It was just an endless string of research with nothing important at the end. Maybe I was just in the wrong field. | The truth is, I think, that most of us wont do any truly revolutionary research. What we will do is contribute to a larger body of knowledge. Every bit of research is something that wasn't known before. It might not make a huge difference now but the little things build up over time. I think too that many, if not all fields are tied to real world problems once you dig into them. | 0 | 22,356 | 1.333333 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5rser9 | g5qvnns | 1,600,481,652 | 1,600,464,965 | 4 | 3 | The truth is, I think, that most of us wont do any truly revolutionary research. What we will do is contribute to a larger body of knowledge. Every bit of research is something that wasn't known before. It might not make a huge difference now but the little things build up over time. I think too that many, if not all fields are tied to real world problems once you dig into them. | Everyone does research for different reasons so I understand your need or urge to contribute to what you call real world problems. For me, research is just finding answers to question I find interesting. I have zero interest in its applicability or whatsoever. When I was little, many of my questions had already been answered and all I had to do was to read the answers in encyclopedias. Now I have to answer some of my questions myself and I read recent papers for others. I do not feel like I have an obligation or duty to contribute to society with my research at all. Further, I don't think it is obvious that researches with a direct focus on social impact contribute more than "research for the fun of it". I am pretty sure almost none of the 19th century mathematicians cared even slightly about the social impact of their research, yet they have contributed to our society tremendously. So I just focus on finding an interesting question, answering it in a clear way and record it in an accessible way. If it so happens that one day someone uses something I have written about, great! If not, also great because I enjoyed thinking and learning about it. Of course it is personal but this is just how I feel about research. | 1 | 16,687 | 1.333333 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5r9tr2 | g5rser9 | 1,600,472,200 | 1,600,481,652 | 3 | 4 | Depending on your field, you can take a Phd and go elsewhere with it. For instance, I know someone who worked on sociology of drug recovery and then went into policy. That kind of thing. That said, I’m finishing a PhD in history and for a number of reasons am in the process of leaving academia, so you know. Things change. | The truth is, I think, that most of us wont do any truly revolutionary research. What we will do is contribute to a larger body of knowledge. Every bit of research is something that wasn't known before. It might not make a huge difference now but the little things build up over time. I think too that many, if not all fields are tied to real world problems once you dig into them. | 0 | 9,452 | 1.333333 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5rser9 | g5r4s4q | 1,600,481,652 | 1,600,469,273 | 4 | 2 | The truth is, I think, that most of us wont do any truly revolutionary research. What we will do is contribute to a larger body of knowledge. Every bit of research is something that wasn't known before. It might not make a huge difference now but the little things build up over time. I think too that many, if not all fields are tied to real world problems once you dig into them. | I'm a professor in education. My work is very practical and I do a lot of work in schools. I chose that. On the one hand, the research may not be widely read and we repeat each other a lot. BUT what I'm doing now affects kids right now. I can find motivation all the time (except really existentially threatening times). I would not be able to keep that up if I was doing basic research. | 1 | 12,379 | 2 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5qhhm7 | g5q9zsa | 1,600,458,637 | 1,600,454,720 | 3 | 2 | That's what depressed me. Plus the idea that any good, scholarly work I create will be read by a few hundred people, tops. | Im economist so I can resonate with your points. However if you love research you will realize that your passion for research is greater than anything else. I can give you many examples of economics being useful: the kidney market in the US, the entire mechanism of google and faceboom ads, and sometimes monetary system around the world. Also the carbon tax and carbon market were designed by economists, they definitely helped with climate change. | 1 | 3,917 | 1.5 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5qiyao | g5q9zsa | 1,600,459,296 | 1,600,454,720 | 3 | 2 | This was exactly how I felt about 10 years ago when I decided to leave my PhD program with a masters and pursue a different career path. I love to teach and I enjoy doing research but when I would read the journal articles published in my field, I found them boring. This made me think about how other people in my field would read my boring research because they had to read it for their literature review and then create some other research, which, like mine, had no practical application. It was just an endless string of research with nothing important at the end. Maybe I was just in the wrong field. | Im economist so I can resonate with your points. However if you love research you will realize that your passion for research is greater than anything else. I can give you many examples of economics being useful: the kidney market in the US, the entire mechanism of google and faceboom ads, and sometimes monetary system around the world. Also the carbon tax and carbon market were designed by economists, they definitely helped with climate change. | 1 | 4,576 | 1.5 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5qvnns | g5q9zsa | 1,600,464,965 | 1,600,454,720 | 3 | 2 | Everyone does research for different reasons so I understand your need or urge to contribute to what you call real world problems. For me, research is just finding answers to question I find interesting. I have zero interest in its applicability or whatsoever. When I was little, many of my questions had already been answered and all I had to do was to read the answers in encyclopedias. Now I have to answer some of my questions myself and I read recent papers for others. I do not feel like I have an obligation or duty to contribute to society with my research at all. Further, I don't think it is obvious that researches with a direct focus on social impact contribute more than "research for the fun of it". I am pretty sure almost none of the 19th century mathematicians cared even slightly about the social impact of their research, yet they have contributed to our society tremendously. So I just focus on finding an interesting question, answering it in a clear way and record it in an accessible way. If it so happens that one day someone uses something I have written about, great! If not, also great because I enjoyed thinking and learning about it. Of course it is personal but this is just how I feel about research. | Im economist so I can resonate with your points. However if you love research you will realize that your passion for research is greater than anything else. I can give you many examples of economics being useful: the kidney market in the US, the entire mechanism of google and faceboom ads, and sometimes monetary system around the world. Also the carbon tax and carbon market were designed by economists, they definitely helped with climate change. | 1 | 10,245 | 1.5 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5r9tr2 | g5q9zsa | 1,600,472,200 | 1,600,454,720 | 3 | 2 | Depending on your field, you can take a Phd and go elsewhere with it. For instance, I know someone who worked on sociology of drug recovery and then went into policy. That kind of thing. That said, I’m finishing a PhD in history and for a number of reasons am in the process of leaving academia, so you know. Things change. | Im economist so I can resonate with your points. However if you love research you will realize that your passion for research is greater than anything else. I can give you many examples of economics being useful: the kidney market in the US, the entire mechanism of google and faceboom ads, and sometimes monetary system around the world. Also the carbon tax and carbon market were designed by economists, they definitely helped with climate change. | 1 | 17,480 | 1.5 |
ivahfn | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I work seems pointless I recently graduated undergrad. I was super diligent and got to publish my senior thesis to a conference. I just recently spoke at a conference on said paper. I am enrolled in a masters program, I know I want to be a professor/researcher and do a PhD and the whole shebang. But with the conference, listening to everyone’s presentations on small details of hypothetical scenarios ... I am just left thinking, is any of this important? Why am I spending my time on this, when the world is going to crap? I don’t think that I dislike research... I think that I need to move to another field that is a little more applied and tied to real world problems. Has anyone else felt this way before? Would love to hear stories. Maybe I just depressed at the pandemic/climate change/political environment etc. Edit: rip title, “MY work” | g5r4s4q | g5r9tr2 | 1,600,469,273 | 1,600,472,200 | 2 | 3 | I'm a professor in education. My work is very practical and I do a lot of work in schools. I chose that. On the one hand, the research may not be widely read and we repeat each other a lot. BUT what I'm doing now affects kids right now. I can find motivation all the time (except really existentially threatening times). I would not be able to keep that up if I was doing basic research. | Depending on your field, you can take a Phd and go elsewhere with it. For instance, I know someone who worked on sociology of drug recovery and then went into policy. That kind of thing. That said, I’m finishing a PhD in history and for a number of reasons am in the process of leaving academia, so you know. Things change. | 0 | 2,927 | 1.5 |
nvikja | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Thanks for your support, r/AskAcademia Just have to share that I successfully defended a PhD in deep-sea microbial ecology today. I wanted to say thanks to this community for keeping me grounded and sane over the last year or so. This sub has been my resource for many things including planning my next steps. So thanks y’all for sharing your experiences and expertise. | h13lutc | h13hi4a | 1,623,201,811 | 1,623,199,537 | 56 | 3 | \> keeping me grounded and sane Dunno which sub you’ve been browsing m8 but it sure ain’t this one | 🏆 | 1 | 2,274 | 18.666667 |
nvikja | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Thanks for your support, r/AskAcademia Just have to share that I successfully defended a PhD in deep-sea microbial ecology today. I wanted to say thanks to this community for keeping me grounded and sane over the last year or so. This sub has been my resource for many things including planning my next steps. So thanks y’all for sharing your experiences and expertise. | h14n518 | h13xbg8 | 1,623,225,377 | 1,623,207,664 | 6 | 5 | Congrats Dr. Smallthingsrock | Congrats Dr! | 1 | 17,713 | 1.2 |
nvikja | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Thanks for your support, r/AskAcademia Just have to share that I successfully defended a PhD in deep-sea microbial ecology today. I wanted to say thanks to this community for keeping me grounded and sane over the last year or so. This sub has been my resource for many things including planning my next steps. So thanks y’all for sharing your experiences and expertise. | h14n518 | h148dzm | 1,623,225,377 | 1,623,214,056 | 6 | 3 | Congrats Dr. Smallthingsrock | Excellent, congratulations. What was your topic, if you don’t mind me asking? Did some subsurface micro far inland that turned up isolates very similar to those found in distant ocean water columns— personally, I’d love to revisit any number of related topics— consortium, quorum sensing, extremophile traits, metabolism etc. Miss just growing new stuff in the lab. | 1 | 11,321 | 2 |
nvikja | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Thanks for your support, r/AskAcademia Just have to share that I successfully defended a PhD in deep-sea microbial ecology today. I wanted to say thanks to this community for keeping me grounded and sane over the last year or so. This sub has been my resource for many things including planning my next steps. So thanks y’all for sharing your experiences and expertise. | h13hi4a | h14n518 | 1,623,199,537 | 1,623,225,377 | 3 | 6 | 🏆 | Congrats Dr. Smallthingsrock | 0 | 25,840 | 2 |
nvikja | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Thanks for your support, r/AskAcademia Just have to share that I successfully defended a PhD in deep-sea microbial ecology today. I wanted to say thanks to this community for keeping me grounded and sane over the last year or so. This sub has been my resource for many things including planning my next steps. So thanks y’all for sharing your experiences and expertise. | h13hi4a | h13xbg8 | 1,623,199,537 | 1,623,207,664 | 3 | 5 | 🏆 | Congrats Dr! | 0 | 8,127 | 1.666667 |
nvikja | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Thanks for your support, r/AskAcademia Just have to share that I successfully defended a PhD in deep-sea microbial ecology today. I wanted to say thanks to this community for keeping me grounded and sane over the last year or so. This sub has been my resource for many things including planning my next steps. So thanks y’all for sharing your experiences and expertise. | h14yjst | h14xqxd | 1,623,235,321 | 1,623,234,708 | 3 | 2 | Thank you for your hard work in that field!!! Unfortunately not enough of u exist, but it reinvigorates me to read this bc I know that w/each person’s hard gained success in such a difficult field-HOPEFULLY YOU SET THE PRECEDENT AND MORE WILL FOLLOW IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS?! Congrats, and again THANK YOU!!! | Congratulations!!! | 1 | 613 | 1.5 |
nvikja | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Thanks for your support, r/AskAcademia Just have to share that I successfully defended a PhD in deep-sea microbial ecology today. I wanted to say thanks to this community for keeping me grounded and sane over the last year or so. This sub has been my resource for many things including planning my next steps. So thanks y’all for sharing your experiences and expertise. | h14xqxd | h158pir | 1,623,234,708 | 1,623,241,936 | 2 | 3 | Congratulations!!! | Congrats. An area that we need help with. | 0 | 7,228 | 1.5 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0rt9q | gy0mp1t | 1,620,937,600 | 1,620,935,504 | 312 | 80 | Congratulations! I actually think that on the whole academia trajectory, having a baby in graduate school is the very best time. You have a degree of flexibility around your work that is unlike most other jobs. The only downside is the money -- it can be hard to afford childcare and an extra bedroom. Some wise words from Ruth Bader Ginsburg, which I wholeheartedly agree with: ​ >*"Work-life balance was a term not yet coined in the years my children were young; it is aptly descriptive of the time distribution I experienced. My success in law school, I have no doubt, was in large measure because of baby Jane. I attended classes and studied diligently until 4 in the afternoon; the next hours were Jane's time, spent at the park, playing silly games or singing funny songs, reading picture books and A. A. Milne poems, and bathing and feeding her. After Jane's bedtime, I returned to the law books with renewed will. Each part of my life provided respite from the other and gave me a sense of proportion that classmates trained only on law studies lacked."* | I've been on the other side of this, in that my mom had me when she was in grad school. She's been a great mom and successful biologist the whole way. She sure didn't plan to have me the week before her first semester exams, and it was terrible financially for my parents to have a baby on a grad school stipend. But from my perspective she balanced her time really well and I never felt neglected. And I've always been proud to have scientist for a mom. I'm sure there were difficulties. I know she was one of two women in her program (this was the 90's) and one of her professors was very rude about her being pregnant, as if she didn't belong there. Hopefully now you will have more support. I know my grad school has a group specifically for parents, and I've seen plenty of pregnant people around wet labs. And there's no shortage of successful male scientists who have many children. My mom said something like, maybe it wasn't a great time to have a baby, but there never has been a perfect time since. So she's glad she had me then, rather than waiting for the perfect time that never comes. | 1 | 2,096 | 3.9 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0rt9q | gy0quhu | 1,620,937,600 | 1,620,937,208 | 312 | 31 | Congratulations! I actually think that on the whole academia trajectory, having a baby in graduate school is the very best time. You have a degree of flexibility around your work that is unlike most other jobs. The only downside is the money -- it can be hard to afford childcare and an extra bedroom. Some wise words from Ruth Bader Ginsburg, which I wholeheartedly agree with: ​ >*"Work-life balance was a term not yet coined in the years my children were young; it is aptly descriptive of the time distribution I experienced. My success in law school, I have no doubt, was in large measure because of baby Jane. I attended classes and studied diligently until 4 in the afternoon; the next hours were Jane's time, spent at the park, playing silly games or singing funny songs, reading picture books and A. A. Milne poems, and bathing and feeding her. After Jane's bedtime, I returned to the law books with renewed will. Each part of my life provided respite from the other and gave me a sense of proportion that classmates trained only on law studies lacked."* | My PhD "classmate" is now pregnant with second time during the PhD, and she is doing more-or-less fine. Her firstborn became something like "department child". I am not so qualified to give any advice (it is hart to be a sigle mother when you are childless man)... but our uni. is supportive to mothers, you could have tree years of maternaly leave and it wont affect your scholarship in any way, your positon will remain untouched, and there is a state guaratee financial support during pregnancy... so she is doing good now and she plan to finish the thesis before the birth (hope she will finish :) ) So it is not imposible to be pregnant during the PhD | 1 | 392 | 10.064516 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0rt9q | gy0ojrc | 1,620,937,600 | 1,620,936,261 | 312 | 24 | Congratulations! I actually think that on the whole academia trajectory, having a baby in graduate school is the very best time. You have a degree of flexibility around your work that is unlike most other jobs. The only downside is the money -- it can be hard to afford childcare and an extra bedroom. Some wise words from Ruth Bader Ginsburg, which I wholeheartedly agree with: ​ >*"Work-life balance was a term not yet coined in the years my children were young; it is aptly descriptive of the time distribution I experienced. My success in law school, I have no doubt, was in large measure because of baby Jane. I attended classes and studied diligently until 4 in the afternoon; the next hours were Jane's time, spent at the park, playing silly games or singing funny songs, reading picture books and A. A. Milne poems, and bathing and feeding her. After Jane's bedtime, I returned to the law books with renewed will. Each part of my life provided respite from the other and gave me a sense of proportion that classmates trained only on law studies lacked."* | Congratulations to the new addition to your family! Our first was born during the last year of my PhD, while I was writing my dissertation. You figure out how to make it work -- sometimes that meant rocking him in his stroller so he wouldn't cry too much while I took scans in the library, or sitting up a pack-and-play in my lab and working off-hours. I don't have much advice other than to have the perspective that you are an adult making an important life decision -- you don't have to ask anyone's permission, and an advisor who reacts negatively to that isn't an advisor you want. When we found out we were pregnant, I let everyone know that (after some parental leave) I would be working weird hours, which would mean my communication would shift away from in-person and towards email, Slack, etc. I gave junior students and trainees my phone number, since I would no longer be as accessible. I still fulfilled my obligations (teaching etc) but with a different schedule, and different priorities. To be honest, I actually accomplished a lot more after my first was born, because I learned to use the research time I did have (which was reduced to be sure) more efficiently. Before I may have been working a lot more hours, but a lot of that time was poorly used. Don't expect to be able to work as many hours, but do plan on using the hours you do have more efficiently. During the first several months, little one will be sleeping most of time though (except of course at night when you are trying to sleep 😉) Now, I'm in my 2nd year of postdoc. Our second was born during my first year, and I've never been more productive, even though some days, between the toddler and 6mo-old, I only work a few hours. I think as long as the PI is seeing productivity, they're typically fine with some accommodations or weird working schedule. It took some time to get used to being more efficient (and learning to say "no", learning to delegate to collaborators, etc), but it will be worth it. | 1 | 1,339 | 13 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0quhu | gy0s317 | 1,620,937,208 | 1,620,937,714 | 31 | 41 | My PhD "classmate" is now pregnant with second time during the PhD, and she is doing more-or-less fine. Her firstborn became something like "department child". I am not so qualified to give any advice (it is hart to be a sigle mother when you are childless man)... but our uni. is supportive to mothers, you could have tree years of maternaly leave and it wont affect your scholarship in any way, your positon will remain untouched, and there is a state guaratee financial support during pregnancy... so she is doing good now and she plan to finish the thesis before the birth (hope she will finish :) ) So it is not imposible to be pregnant during the PhD | It's really good to be preganant during PHD. a lot of the clinicians in our institute used it as a stopover period to have kids. If they had to treat and consult patients it would have been much worse. Advantages: 1. Flexible hours 2. No actual customers, patients, or major hard fixed deadlines. 3. You are not getting paid and the obligations of being paid. 4. Its easy to defer semesters, asking an employer to defer is harder Its perfect. | 0 | 506 | 1.322581 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0s317 | gy0ojrc | 1,620,937,714 | 1,620,936,261 | 41 | 24 | It's really good to be preganant during PHD. a lot of the clinicians in our institute used it as a stopover period to have kids. If they had to treat and consult patients it would have been much worse. Advantages: 1. Flexible hours 2. No actual customers, patients, or major hard fixed deadlines. 3. You are not getting paid and the obligations of being paid. 4. Its easy to defer semesters, asking an employer to defer is harder Its perfect. | Congratulations to the new addition to your family! Our first was born during the last year of my PhD, while I was writing my dissertation. You figure out how to make it work -- sometimes that meant rocking him in his stroller so he wouldn't cry too much while I took scans in the library, or sitting up a pack-and-play in my lab and working off-hours. I don't have much advice other than to have the perspective that you are an adult making an important life decision -- you don't have to ask anyone's permission, and an advisor who reacts negatively to that isn't an advisor you want. When we found out we were pregnant, I let everyone know that (after some parental leave) I would be working weird hours, which would mean my communication would shift away from in-person and towards email, Slack, etc. I gave junior students and trainees my phone number, since I would no longer be as accessible. I still fulfilled my obligations (teaching etc) but with a different schedule, and different priorities. To be honest, I actually accomplished a lot more after my first was born, because I learned to use the research time I did have (which was reduced to be sure) more efficiently. Before I may have been working a lot more hours, but a lot of that time was poorly used. Don't expect to be able to work as many hours, but do plan on using the hours you do have more efficiently. During the first several months, little one will be sleeping most of time though (except of course at night when you are trying to sleep 😉) Now, I'm in my 2nd year of postdoc. Our second was born during my first year, and I've never been more productive, even though some days, between the toddler and 6mo-old, I only work a few hours. I think as long as the PI is seeing productivity, they're typically fine with some accommodations or weird working schedule. It took some time to get used to being more efficient (and learning to say "no", learning to delegate to collaborators, etc), but it will be worth it. | 1 | 1,453 | 1.708333 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0ojrc | gy0quhu | 1,620,936,261 | 1,620,937,208 | 24 | 31 | Congratulations to the new addition to your family! Our first was born during the last year of my PhD, while I was writing my dissertation. You figure out how to make it work -- sometimes that meant rocking him in his stroller so he wouldn't cry too much while I took scans in the library, or sitting up a pack-and-play in my lab and working off-hours. I don't have much advice other than to have the perspective that you are an adult making an important life decision -- you don't have to ask anyone's permission, and an advisor who reacts negatively to that isn't an advisor you want. When we found out we were pregnant, I let everyone know that (after some parental leave) I would be working weird hours, which would mean my communication would shift away from in-person and towards email, Slack, etc. I gave junior students and trainees my phone number, since I would no longer be as accessible. I still fulfilled my obligations (teaching etc) but with a different schedule, and different priorities. To be honest, I actually accomplished a lot more after my first was born, because I learned to use the research time I did have (which was reduced to be sure) more efficiently. Before I may have been working a lot more hours, but a lot of that time was poorly used. Don't expect to be able to work as many hours, but do plan on using the hours you do have more efficiently. During the first several months, little one will be sleeping most of time though (except of course at night when you are trying to sleep 😉) Now, I'm in my 2nd year of postdoc. Our second was born during my first year, and I've never been more productive, even though some days, between the toddler and 6mo-old, I only work a few hours. I think as long as the PI is seeing productivity, they're typically fine with some accommodations or weird working schedule. It took some time to get used to being more efficient (and learning to say "no", learning to delegate to collaborators, etc), but it will be worth it. | My PhD "classmate" is now pregnant with second time during the PhD, and she is doing more-or-less fine. Her firstborn became something like "department child". I am not so qualified to give any advice (it is hart to be a sigle mother when you are childless man)... but our uni. is supportive to mothers, you could have tree years of maternaly leave and it wont affect your scholarship in any way, your positon will remain untouched, and there is a state guaratee financial support during pregnancy... so she is doing good now and she plan to finish the thesis before the birth (hope she will finish :) ) So it is not imposible to be pregnant during the PhD | 0 | 947 | 1.291667 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1ms2c | gy0zyrz | 1,620,952,794 | 1,620,941,252 | 13 | 10 | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | I’m not sure if this qualifies as “academia” but I was pregnant throughout my third year of law school, waddled across the stage to graduate with my Juris Doctorate, delivered my daughter the next week, and studied for the bar exam/started a new job all with a new born. It can 100% be done! For me, it boiled down to two things: 1) having a support team (partner/family/friends) who can help out while you’re working on your PhD work Ann’s 2) prioritizing and planning your day. The second was the biggest for me in terms of successfully completing my final year, bar passage, and lawyering (but unachievable if you don’t have the support). While pregnant, I was still able to complete all my class work and extracurriculars without much modification. My only advice would be to account for the exhaustion of the first trimester into your daily schedule. Schedule some naps or down time and just know you’re going to be wiped out at the end of the day (and throughout the day too). After I had my daughter, I really had to prioritize my bar prep to accommodate my work schedule and family. I would block out 2 hours at lunch (I worked it out with my Company) and 4 hours in the evening after the baby was asleep. I would pump breast milk so my husband could feed her if she woke up in the 4 hour block (which was often). When I was studying, that’s all I would allow myself to focus on. I would put on noise cancelling headphones and just focus on bar prep. I knew my daughter was in great hands with my husband which made everything easier. All that say, it can be done if you prioritize your day and make good use of the blocks of time you’ve designated for your PhD work. | 1 | 11,542 | 1.3 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy10q91 | gy1ms2c | 1,620,941,633 | 1,620,952,794 | 7 | 13 | No advice just rooting for you. If I have kids, it will have to be during my PhD, because I am 39 and am just starting a masters. I know people who have done it but it’s rare. I am encouraged by everyone who does it. The more people do it, the more normalized it will be come. | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | 0 | 11,161 | 1.857143 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1ms2c | gy0yyd6 | 1,620,952,794 | 1,620,940,704 | 13 | 7 | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | I’m also currently pregnant and in a PhD program! I was so worried about telling my advisor, because I feared that being pregnant would somehow imply that I wasn’t taking my academic career seriously enough. In the end, those fears were unfounded. He was so supportive and told me he actually thought the timing was perfect, as this is probably the most flexibility I’ll have in my career. I’m due in August so I’m definitely in “academic nesting” mode right now trying to finish projects and tie up loose ends. I don’t have any advice since I’m still in your shoes, but I’m optimistic for both of us! | 1 | 12,090 | 1.857143 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1j0zj | gy1ms2c | 1,620,950,840 | 1,620,952,794 | 7 | 13 | At a women in physics meeting during grad school, one of the women said - when is the right time to have kids? We had a long discussion about basically, there was never a perfect time - at every point in your career there are pros and cons. The next time we met two months later, she was pregnant. | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | 0 | 1,954 | 1.857143 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy14ojo | gy1ms2c | 1,620,943,559 | 1,620,952,794 | 5 | 13 | I am in the final push of my PhD (social sciences) and I had 2 kids during my PhD. I live in Canada where it is normal to take 1 year of parental leave for each child, and I did qualify for some financial support. Also I got some discount for on-camps childcare (still over $1000/month). Having 2 little kids during COVID was pretty awful and isolating, but otherwise I really appreciated the flexibility. For me, I knew I wanted to have kids, so part of the equation was also my age, my partner’s age, and knowing that it was kinda “now or never.” I guess it was like an “ask questions later” type thing - I’m having kids, so how do I make this work? I did have to lower my expectations a LOT. The amount of things I could get done on my to-do list dropped dramatically after having kid #1, and plummeted after kid #2. I beat myself up for a long time about that, but I am coming to terms with it. Also, I may not win any awards for my dissertation, but I’m also okay with that too. I want a balanced life, and the PhD is part of it. YMMD. Edited to add: Congrats!! I remember feeling nervous to tell my supervisors about the pregnancy out of fear of “disappointing” them, and one supervisor did say something like “if you’re not a parent, your thesis is your baby; now you’ll have a real baby, and the thesis is second fiddle” or something 🤷🏻♀️ but in all honesty they didn’t care too much, and in the end it’s YOUR life!! ❤️ | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | 0 | 9,235 | 2.6 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1ms2c | gy16d7m | 1,620,952,794 | 1,620,944,405 | 13 | 6 | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | I got pregnant while doing coursework for my Ph.D. (I call him my social theory baby), and it was fine. I had a rough semester ending (since he was born in November), but things ended up okay. The most challenging part was definitely writing my dissertation, and I needed help from family and my partner in order to manage it. You can do it! | 1 | 8,389 | 2.166667 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1ms2c | gy10lx4 | 1,620,952,794 | 1,620,941,576 | 13 | 5 | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | I worked and did school while I was pregnant. My first and second trimesters were really easy, but I was unable to have my normal course load during third trimester. I was so stressed and became more overwhelmed than I've been in my entire life. So, I dropped a few classes. My main pieces of advice are that you prepare yourself to be open to changes in plan, that you communicate needs to others, and that you keep track of how you're doing. Every pregnancy is different, so you can't know if or when you'll have problems. Your baby may come early, they may need the NICU, they may need extra care. You may experience postpartum depression. There are a dozen things that could change your plan as you have it now. Be open to delaying graduation. Be open to using daycare. Flexibility is essential, so just take one day at a time and remember that you can do this! As a graduate student, you're obviously able to do hard things. You have a fantastic mind, work ethic, and a host of other skills that will help you navigate this! You can do hard things, but know that you don't have to do them alone. As you adjust your plan as needed, always keep an eye out for people who can help. Your husband is obviously #1. Keep him up to date with how you feel and what you need. Communicate with your professors. Let them know how things are going and what you need. I don't know your family and friend situation, but let other people around you know that this will be hard for you and see what they're willing to do. Finally, keep track of how you're feeling. It seems obvious, but if you run out of gas in the middle of your sprint, you won't make it. Take care of yourself. Delegate. Adjust your expectations for yourself. Things in your body and life are changing. You may not be able to do things the way you used to. That's ok. You're making a little human! This may be one of the hardest things your body has ever done. Give yourself some grace. You've got this! You're amazing! | 1 | 11,218 | 2.6 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy15l3o | gy1ms2c | 1,620,944,015 | 1,620,952,794 | 5 | 13 | I had a baby in my second year of PhD. Like you, I was concerned to tell my PI and worried about how it would all work out. Everything was great! Financial strain, yes, as I took a semester off my RA position. But I honestly think it was way better than waiting until my early years of being an assistant professor. My hours were super flexible, my professors all understanding, and I was able to minimize stress to have a great pregnancy! It wasn't planned, but I wouldn't trade the timing, honestly. CONGRATULATIONS!!! | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | 0 | 8,779 | 2.6 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1ms2c | gy1e0dt | 1,620,952,794 | 1,620,948,241 | 13 | 4 | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | I started my PhD with an 18 month old. Graduated in five years, which is pretty standard in my field. Got a TT and now as I work to tenure my son is old enough to take care of a lot. It’s not the worst. | 1 | 4,553 | 3.25 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0tiql | gy1ms2c | 1,620,938,319 | 1,620,952,794 | 3 | 13 | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | Thanks everyone. This thread has made me feel better like I don’t have to choose between a family and a career path PhD | 0 | 14,475 | 4.333333 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0zyrz | gy0yyd6 | 1,620,941,252 | 1,620,940,704 | 10 | 7 | I’m not sure if this qualifies as “academia” but I was pregnant throughout my third year of law school, waddled across the stage to graduate with my Juris Doctorate, delivered my daughter the next week, and studied for the bar exam/started a new job all with a new born. It can 100% be done! For me, it boiled down to two things: 1) having a support team (partner/family/friends) who can help out while you’re working on your PhD work Ann’s 2) prioritizing and planning your day. The second was the biggest for me in terms of successfully completing my final year, bar passage, and lawyering (but unachievable if you don’t have the support). While pregnant, I was still able to complete all my class work and extracurriculars without much modification. My only advice would be to account for the exhaustion of the first trimester into your daily schedule. Schedule some naps or down time and just know you’re going to be wiped out at the end of the day (and throughout the day too). After I had my daughter, I really had to prioritize my bar prep to accommodate my work schedule and family. I would block out 2 hours at lunch (I worked it out with my Company) and 4 hours in the evening after the baby was asleep. I would pump breast milk so my husband could feed her if she woke up in the 4 hour block (which was often). When I was studying, that’s all I would allow myself to focus on. I would put on noise cancelling headphones and just focus on bar prep. I knew my daughter was in great hands with my husband which made everything easier. All that say, it can be done if you prioritize your day and make good use of the blocks of time you’ve designated for your PhD work. | I’m also currently pregnant and in a PhD program! I was so worried about telling my advisor, because I feared that being pregnant would somehow imply that I wasn’t taking my academic career seriously enough. In the end, those fears were unfounded. He was so supportive and told me he actually thought the timing was perfect, as this is probably the most flexibility I’ll have in my career. I’m due in August so I’m definitely in “academic nesting” mode right now trying to finish projects and tie up loose ends. I don’t have any advice since I’m still in your shoes, but I’m optimistic for both of us! | 1 | 548 | 1.428571 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0zyrz | gy0tiql | 1,620,941,252 | 1,620,938,319 | 10 | 3 | I’m not sure if this qualifies as “academia” but I was pregnant throughout my third year of law school, waddled across the stage to graduate with my Juris Doctorate, delivered my daughter the next week, and studied for the bar exam/started a new job all with a new born. It can 100% be done! For me, it boiled down to two things: 1) having a support team (partner/family/friends) who can help out while you’re working on your PhD work Ann’s 2) prioritizing and planning your day. The second was the biggest for me in terms of successfully completing my final year, bar passage, and lawyering (but unachievable if you don’t have the support). While pregnant, I was still able to complete all my class work and extracurriculars without much modification. My only advice would be to account for the exhaustion of the first trimester into your daily schedule. Schedule some naps or down time and just know you’re going to be wiped out at the end of the day (and throughout the day too). After I had my daughter, I really had to prioritize my bar prep to accommodate my work schedule and family. I would block out 2 hours at lunch (I worked it out with my Company) and 4 hours in the evening after the baby was asleep. I would pump breast milk so my husband could feed her if she woke up in the 4 hour block (which was often). When I was studying, that’s all I would allow myself to focus on. I would put on noise cancelling headphones and just focus on bar prep. I knew my daughter was in great hands with my husband which made everything easier. All that say, it can be done if you prioritize your day and make good use of the blocks of time you’ve designated for your PhD work. | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | 1 | 2,933 | 3.333333 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy10q91 | gy1v9fx | 1,620,941,633 | 1,620,957,272 | 7 | 8 | No advice just rooting for you. If I have kids, it will have to be during my PhD, because I am 39 and am just starting a masters. I know people who have done it but it’s rare. I am encouraged by everyone who does it. The more people do it, the more normalized it will be come. | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | 0 | 15,639 | 1.142857 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy10q91 | gy10lx4 | 1,620,941,633 | 1,620,941,576 | 7 | 5 | No advice just rooting for you. If I have kids, it will have to be during my PhD, because I am 39 and am just starting a masters. I know people who have done it but it’s rare. I am encouraged by everyone who does it. The more people do it, the more normalized it will be come. | I worked and did school while I was pregnant. My first and second trimesters were really easy, but I was unable to have my normal course load during third trimester. I was so stressed and became more overwhelmed than I've been in my entire life. So, I dropped a few classes. My main pieces of advice are that you prepare yourself to be open to changes in plan, that you communicate needs to others, and that you keep track of how you're doing. Every pregnancy is different, so you can't know if or when you'll have problems. Your baby may come early, they may need the NICU, they may need extra care. You may experience postpartum depression. There are a dozen things that could change your plan as you have it now. Be open to delaying graduation. Be open to using daycare. Flexibility is essential, so just take one day at a time and remember that you can do this! As a graduate student, you're obviously able to do hard things. You have a fantastic mind, work ethic, and a host of other skills that will help you navigate this! You can do hard things, but know that you don't have to do them alone. As you adjust your plan as needed, always keep an eye out for people who can help. Your husband is obviously #1. Keep him up to date with how you feel and what you need. Communicate with your professors. Let them know how things are going and what you need. I don't know your family and friend situation, but let other people around you know that this will be hard for you and see what they're willing to do. Finally, keep track of how you're feeling. It seems obvious, but if you run out of gas in the middle of your sprint, you won't make it. Take care of yourself. Delegate. Adjust your expectations for yourself. Things in your body and life are changing. You may not be able to do things the way you used to. That's ok. You're making a little human! This may be one of the hardest things your body has ever done. Give yourself some grace. You've got this! You're amazing! | 1 | 57 | 1.4 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy10q91 | gy0tiql | 1,620,941,633 | 1,620,938,319 | 7 | 3 | No advice just rooting for you. If I have kids, it will have to be during my PhD, because I am 39 and am just starting a masters. I know people who have done it but it’s rare. I am encouraged by everyone who does it. The more people do it, the more normalized it will be come. | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | 1 | 3,314 | 2.333333 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1v9fx | gy0yyd6 | 1,620,957,272 | 1,620,940,704 | 8 | 7 | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | I’m also currently pregnant and in a PhD program! I was so worried about telling my advisor, because I feared that being pregnant would somehow imply that I wasn’t taking my academic career seriously enough. In the end, those fears were unfounded. He was so supportive and told me he actually thought the timing was perfect, as this is probably the most flexibility I’ll have in my career. I’m due in August so I’m definitely in “academic nesting” mode right now trying to finish projects and tie up loose ends. I don’t have any advice since I’m still in your shoes, but I’m optimistic for both of us! | 1 | 16,568 | 1.142857 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0yyd6 | gy0tiql | 1,620,940,704 | 1,620,938,319 | 7 | 3 | I’m also currently pregnant and in a PhD program! I was so worried about telling my advisor, because I feared that being pregnant would somehow imply that I wasn’t taking my academic career seriously enough. In the end, those fears were unfounded. He was so supportive and told me he actually thought the timing was perfect, as this is probably the most flexibility I’ll have in my career. I’m due in August so I’m definitely in “academic nesting” mode right now trying to finish projects and tie up loose ends. I don’t have any advice since I’m still in your shoes, but I’m optimistic for both of us! | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | 1 | 2,385 | 2.333333 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1v9fx | gy1j0zj | 1,620,957,272 | 1,620,950,840 | 8 | 7 | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | At a women in physics meeting during grad school, one of the women said - when is the right time to have kids? We had a long discussion about basically, there was never a perfect time - at every point in your career there are pros and cons. The next time we met two months later, she was pregnant. | 1 | 6,432 | 1.142857 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy14ojo | gy1j0zj | 1,620,943,559 | 1,620,950,840 | 5 | 7 | I am in the final push of my PhD (social sciences) and I had 2 kids during my PhD. I live in Canada where it is normal to take 1 year of parental leave for each child, and I did qualify for some financial support. Also I got some discount for on-camps childcare (still over $1000/month). Having 2 little kids during COVID was pretty awful and isolating, but otherwise I really appreciated the flexibility. For me, I knew I wanted to have kids, so part of the equation was also my age, my partner’s age, and knowing that it was kinda “now or never.” I guess it was like an “ask questions later” type thing - I’m having kids, so how do I make this work? I did have to lower my expectations a LOT. The amount of things I could get done on my to-do list dropped dramatically after having kid #1, and plummeted after kid #2. I beat myself up for a long time about that, but I am coming to terms with it. Also, I may not win any awards for my dissertation, but I’m also okay with that too. I want a balanced life, and the PhD is part of it. YMMD. Edited to add: Congrats!! I remember feeling nervous to tell my supervisors about the pregnancy out of fear of “disappointing” them, and one supervisor did say something like “if you’re not a parent, your thesis is your baby; now you’ll have a real baby, and the thesis is second fiddle” or something 🤷🏻♀️ but in all honesty they didn’t care too much, and in the end it’s YOUR life!! ❤️ | At a women in physics meeting during grad school, one of the women said - when is the right time to have kids? We had a long discussion about basically, there was never a perfect time - at every point in your career there are pros and cons. The next time we met two months later, she was pregnant. | 0 | 7,281 | 1.4 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1j0zj | gy16d7m | 1,620,950,840 | 1,620,944,405 | 7 | 6 | At a women in physics meeting during grad school, one of the women said - when is the right time to have kids? We had a long discussion about basically, there was never a perfect time - at every point in your career there are pros and cons. The next time we met two months later, she was pregnant. | I got pregnant while doing coursework for my Ph.D. (I call him my social theory baby), and it was fine. I had a rough semester ending (since he was born in November), but things ended up okay. The most challenging part was definitely writing my dissertation, and I needed help from family and my partner in order to manage it. You can do it! | 1 | 6,435 | 1.166667 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy10lx4 | gy1j0zj | 1,620,941,576 | 1,620,950,840 | 5 | 7 | I worked and did school while I was pregnant. My first and second trimesters were really easy, but I was unable to have my normal course load during third trimester. I was so stressed and became more overwhelmed than I've been in my entire life. So, I dropped a few classes. My main pieces of advice are that you prepare yourself to be open to changes in plan, that you communicate needs to others, and that you keep track of how you're doing. Every pregnancy is different, so you can't know if or when you'll have problems. Your baby may come early, they may need the NICU, they may need extra care. You may experience postpartum depression. There are a dozen things that could change your plan as you have it now. Be open to delaying graduation. Be open to using daycare. Flexibility is essential, so just take one day at a time and remember that you can do this! As a graduate student, you're obviously able to do hard things. You have a fantastic mind, work ethic, and a host of other skills that will help you navigate this! You can do hard things, but know that you don't have to do them alone. As you adjust your plan as needed, always keep an eye out for people who can help. Your husband is obviously #1. Keep him up to date with how you feel and what you need. Communicate with your professors. Let them know how things are going and what you need. I don't know your family and friend situation, but let other people around you know that this will be hard for you and see what they're willing to do. Finally, keep track of how you're feeling. It seems obvious, but if you run out of gas in the middle of your sprint, you won't make it. Take care of yourself. Delegate. Adjust your expectations for yourself. Things in your body and life are changing. You may not be able to do things the way you used to. That's ok. You're making a little human! This may be one of the hardest things your body has ever done. Give yourself some grace. You've got this! You're amazing! | At a women in physics meeting during grad school, one of the women said - when is the right time to have kids? We had a long discussion about basically, there was never a perfect time - at every point in your career there are pros and cons. The next time we met two months later, she was pregnant. | 0 | 9,264 | 1.4 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy15l3o | gy1j0zj | 1,620,944,015 | 1,620,950,840 | 5 | 7 | I had a baby in my second year of PhD. Like you, I was concerned to tell my PI and worried about how it would all work out. Everything was great! Financial strain, yes, as I took a semester off my RA position. But I honestly think it was way better than waiting until my early years of being an assistant professor. My hours were super flexible, my professors all understanding, and I was able to minimize stress to have a great pregnancy! It wasn't planned, but I wouldn't trade the timing, honestly. CONGRATULATIONS!!! | At a women in physics meeting during grad school, one of the women said - when is the right time to have kids? We had a long discussion about basically, there was never a perfect time - at every point in your career there are pros and cons. The next time we met two months later, she was pregnant. | 0 | 6,825 | 1.4 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1j0zj | gy1e0dt | 1,620,950,840 | 1,620,948,241 | 7 | 4 | At a women in physics meeting during grad school, one of the women said - when is the right time to have kids? We had a long discussion about basically, there was never a perfect time - at every point in your career there are pros and cons. The next time we met two months later, she was pregnant. | I started my PhD with an 18 month old. Graduated in five years, which is pretty standard in my field. Got a TT and now as I work to tenure my son is old enough to take care of a lot. It’s not the worst. | 1 | 2,599 | 1.75 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1j0zj | gy0tiql | 1,620,950,840 | 1,620,938,319 | 7 | 3 | At a women in physics meeting during grad school, one of the women said - when is the right time to have kids? We had a long discussion about basically, there was never a perfect time - at every point in your career there are pros and cons. The next time we met two months later, she was pregnant. | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | 1 | 12,521 | 2.333333 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy14ojo | gy1v9fx | 1,620,943,559 | 1,620,957,272 | 5 | 8 | I am in the final push of my PhD (social sciences) and I had 2 kids during my PhD. I live in Canada where it is normal to take 1 year of parental leave for each child, and I did qualify for some financial support. Also I got some discount for on-camps childcare (still over $1000/month). Having 2 little kids during COVID was pretty awful and isolating, but otherwise I really appreciated the flexibility. For me, I knew I wanted to have kids, so part of the equation was also my age, my partner’s age, and knowing that it was kinda “now or never.” I guess it was like an “ask questions later” type thing - I’m having kids, so how do I make this work? I did have to lower my expectations a LOT. The amount of things I could get done on my to-do list dropped dramatically after having kid #1, and plummeted after kid #2. I beat myself up for a long time about that, but I am coming to terms with it. Also, I may not win any awards for my dissertation, but I’m also okay with that too. I want a balanced life, and the PhD is part of it. YMMD. Edited to add: Congrats!! I remember feeling nervous to tell my supervisors about the pregnancy out of fear of “disappointing” them, and one supervisor did say something like “if you’re not a parent, your thesis is your baby; now you’ll have a real baby, and the thesis is second fiddle” or something 🤷🏻♀️ but in all honesty they didn’t care too much, and in the end it’s YOUR life!! ❤️ | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | 0 | 13,713 | 1.6 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1v9fx | gy16d7m | 1,620,957,272 | 1,620,944,405 | 8 | 6 | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | I got pregnant while doing coursework for my Ph.D. (I call him my social theory baby), and it was fine. I had a rough semester ending (since he was born in November), but things ended up okay. The most challenging part was definitely writing my dissertation, and I needed help from family and my partner in order to manage it. You can do it! | 1 | 12,867 | 1.333333 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy10lx4 | gy1v9fx | 1,620,941,576 | 1,620,957,272 | 5 | 8 | I worked and did school while I was pregnant. My first and second trimesters were really easy, but I was unable to have my normal course load during third trimester. I was so stressed and became more overwhelmed than I've been in my entire life. So, I dropped a few classes. My main pieces of advice are that you prepare yourself to be open to changes in plan, that you communicate needs to others, and that you keep track of how you're doing. Every pregnancy is different, so you can't know if or when you'll have problems. Your baby may come early, they may need the NICU, they may need extra care. You may experience postpartum depression. There are a dozen things that could change your plan as you have it now. Be open to delaying graduation. Be open to using daycare. Flexibility is essential, so just take one day at a time and remember that you can do this! As a graduate student, you're obviously able to do hard things. You have a fantastic mind, work ethic, and a host of other skills that will help you navigate this! You can do hard things, but know that you don't have to do them alone. As you adjust your plan as needed, always keep an eye out for people who can help. Your husband is obviously #1. Keep him up to date with how you feel and what you need. Communicate with your professors. Let them know how things are going and what you need. I don't know your family and friend situation, but let other people around you know that this will be hard for you and see what they're willing to do. Finally, keep track of how you're feeling. It seems obvious, but if you run out of gas in the middle of your sprint, you won't make it. Take care of yourself. Delegate. Adjust your expectations for yourself. Things in your body and life are changing. You may not be able to do things the way you used to. That's ok. You're making a little human! This may be one of the hardest things your body has ever done. Give yourself some grace. You've got this! You're amazing! | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | 0 | 15,696 | 1.6 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1v9fx | gy15l3o | 1,620,957,272 | 1,620,944,015 | 8 | 5 | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | I had a baby in my second year of PhD. Like you, I was concerned to tell my PI and worried about how it would all work out. Everything was great! Financial strain, yes, as I took a semester off my RA position. But I honestly think it was way better than waiting until my early years of being an assistant professor. My hours were super flexible, my professors all understanding, and I was able to minimize stress to have a great pregnancy! It wasn't planned, but I wouldn't trade the timing, honestly. CONGRATULATIONS!!! | 1 | 13,257 | 1.6 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1e0dt | gy1v9fx | 1,620,948,241 | 1,620,957,272 | 4 | 8 | I started my PhD with an 18 month old. Graduated in five years, which is pretty standard in my field. Got a TT and now as I work to tenure my son is old enough to take care of a lot. It’s not the worst. | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | 0 | 9,031 | 2 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0tiql | gy1v9fx | 1,620,938,319 | 1,620,957,272 | 3 | 8 | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | 0 | 18,953 | 2.666667 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1o4wb | gy1v9fx | 1,620,953,504 | 1,620,957,272 | 4 | 8 | I did it. Message me if you want to chat. Its hard, and depending on where you are it can be a nightmare financially. If you are scholarship paid you may not qualify for EI (me). I recommend talking to your PI right away and planning ahead. My PI was amazingly supportive. We worked together to make it happen. I would try to setup to be writing after your leave so you have lots of opportunity to plan your own schedule. I ran experiments double time while preggers so I had data and stuff to be writing when I got back. I also trained some summer students to finish up some stuff after I left. I had my mom and sister for childcare, and my husband fulltime dads. I graduated in record time but I did sacrifice myself a lot. I went into labor in my qualifying exam (finished), and only took 4 months leave. I recall over three days and nights without sleep. You're going to have to really want to finish. I don't regret it though. I also very stronglu recommend co-sleeping. If youncan swing it, I strongly suggest living really close to your school (I was walking distance) so you can come and go easily. | I had a kid in grad school, a kid when I was on the job market, and a kid my first year of a TT job. The key for me is setting boundaries. So I work really hard (no social media, no distractions, etc) during work hours. And I don’t work on weekends or after work. So far it’s worked well for me and I’ve been quite productive. It’s allows me to also stay present for my kids. It’ll help if you have a very supportive spouse too. (Sometimes I would need to write on a Saturday and my husband would take kids to the zoo etc). For me it was all about deciding that having a family was way more important to me than the subject of history. I got really lucky, but I really believe you’ll never regret having a child. | 0 | 3,768 | 2 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy14ojo | gy16d7m | 1,620,943,559 | 1,620,944,405 | 5 | 6 | I am in the final push of my PhD (social sciences) and I had 2 kids during my PhD. I live in Canada where it is normal to take 1 year of parental leave for each child, and I did qualify for some financial support. Also I got some discount for on-camps childcare (still over $1000/month). Having 2 little kids during COVID was pretty awful and isolating, but otherwise I really appreciated the flexibility. For me, I knew I wanted to have kids, so part of the equation was also my age, my partner’s age, and knowing that it was kinda “now or never.” I guess it was like an “ask questions later” type thing - I’m having kids, so how do I make this work? I did have to lower my expectations a LOT. The amount of things I could get done on my to-do list dropped dramatically after having kid #1, and plummeted after kid #2. I beat myself up for a long time about that, but I am coming to terms with it. Also, I may not win any awards for my dissertation, but I’m also okay with that too. I want a balanced life, and the PhD is part of it. YMMD. Edited to add: Congrats!! I remember feeling nervous to tell my supervisors about the pregnancy out of fear of “disappointing” them, and one supervisor did say something like “if you’re not a parent, your thesis is your baby; now you’ll have a real baby, and the thesis is second fiddle” or something 🤷🏻♀️ but in all honesty they didn’t care too much, and in the end it’s YOUR life!! ❤️ | I got pregnant while doing coursework for my Ph.D. (I call him my social theory baby), and it was fine. I had a rough semester ending (since he was born in November), but things ended up okay. The most challenging part was definitely writing my dissertation, and I needed help from family and my partner in order to manage it. You can do it! | 0 | 846 | 1.2 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0tiql | gy14ojo | 1,620,938,319 | 1,620,943,559 | 3 | 5 | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | I am in the final push of my PhD (social sciences) and I had 2 kids during my PhD. I live in Canada where it is normal to take 1 year of parental leave for each child, and I did qualify for some financial support. Also I got some discount for on-camps childcare (still over $1000/month). Having 2 little kids during COVID was pretty awful and isolating, but otherwise I really appreciated the flexibility. For me, I knew I wanted to have kids, so part of the equation was also my age, my partner’s age, and knowing that it was kinda “now or never.” I guess it was like an “ask questions later” type thing - I’m having kids, so how do I make this work? I did have to lower my expectations a LOT. The amount of things I could get done on my to-do list dropped dramatically after having kid #1, and plummeted after kid #2. I beat myself up for a long time about that, but I am coming to terms with it. Also, I may not win any awards for my dissertation, but I’m also okay with that too. I want a balanced life, and the PhD is part of it. YMMD. Edited to add: Congrats!! I remember feeling nervous to tell my supervisors about the pregnancy out of fear of “disappointing” them, and one supervisor did say something like “if you’re not a parent, your thesis is your baby; now you’ll have a real baby, and the thesis is second fiddle” or something 🤷🏻♀️ but in all honesty they didn’t care too much, and in the end it’s YOUR life!! ❤️ | 0 | 5,240 | 1.666667 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy10lx4 | gy16d7m | 1,620,941,576 | 1,620,944,405 | 5 | 6 | I worked and did school while I was pregnant. My first and second trimesters were really easy, but I was unable to have my normal course load during third trimester. I was so stressed and became more overwhelmed than I've been in my entire life. So, I dropped a few classes. My main pieces of advice are that you prepare yourself to be open to changes in plan, that you communicate needs to others, and that you keep track of how you're doing. Every pregnancy is different, so you can't know if or when you'll have problems. Your baby may come early, they may need the NICU, they may need extra care. You may experience postpartum depression. There are a dozen things that could change your plan as you have it now. Be open to delaying graduation. Be open to using daycare. Flexibility is essential, so just take one day at a time and remember that you can do this! As a graduate student, you're obviously able to do hard things. You have a fantastic mind, work ethic, and a host of other skills that will help you navigate this! You can do hard things, but know that you don't have to do them alone. As you adjust your plan as needed, always keep an eye out for people who can help. Your husband is obviously #1. Keep him up to date with how you feel and what you need. Communicate with your professors. Let them know how things are going and what you need. I don't know your family and friend situation, but let other people around you know that this will be hard for you and see what they're willing to do. Finally, keep track of how you're feeling. It seems obvious, but if you run out of gas in the middle of your sprint, you won't make it. Take care of yourself. Delegate. Adjust your expectations for yourself. Things in your body and life are changing. You may not be able to do things the way you used to. That's ok. You're making a little human! This may be one of the hardest things your body has ever done. Give yourself some grace. You've got this! You're amazing! | I got pregnant while doing coursework for my Ph.D. (I call him my social theory baby), and it was fine. I had a rough semester ending (since he was born in November), but things ended up okay. The most challenging part was definitely writing my dissertation, and I needed help from family and my partner in order to manage it. You can do it! | 0 | 2,829 | 1.2 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy16d7m | gy15l3o | 1,620,944,405 | 1,620,944,015 | 6 | 5 | I got pregnant while doing coursework for my Ph.D. (I call him my social theory baby), and it was fine. I had a rough semester ending (since he was born in November), but things ended up okay. The most challenging part was definitely writing my dissertation, and I needed help from family and my partner in order to manage it. You can do it! | I had a baby in my second year of PhD. Like you, I was concerned to tell my PI and worried about how it would all work out. Everything was great! Financial strain, yes, as I took a semester off my RA position. But I honestly think it was way better than waiting until my early years of being an assistant professor. My hours were super flexible, my professors all understanding, and I was able to minimize stress to have a great pregnancy! It wasn't planned, but I wouldn't trade the timing, honestly. CONGRATULATIONS!!! | 1 | 390 | 1.2 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy16d7m | gy0tiql | 1,620,944,405 | 1,620,938,319 | 6 | 3 | I got pregnant while doing coursework for my Ph.D. (I call him my social theory baby), and it was fine. I had a rough semester ending (since he was born in November), but things ended up okay. The most challenging part was definitely writing my dissertation, and I needed help from family and my partner in order to manage it. You can do it! | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | 1 | 6,086 | 2 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy10lx4 | gy0tiql | 1,620,941,576 | 1,620,938,319 | 5 | 3 | I worked and did school while I was pregnant. My first and second trimesters were really easy, but I was unable to have my normal course load during third trimester. I was so stressed and became more overwhelmed than I've been in my entire life. So, I dropped a few classes. My main pieces of advice are that you prepare yourself to be open to changes in plan, that you communicate needs to others, and that you keep track of how you're doing. Every pregnancy is different, so you can't know if or when you'll have problems. Your baby may come early, they may need the NICU, they may need extra care. You may experience postpartum depression. There are a dozen things that could change your plan as you have it now. Be open to delaying graduation. Be open to using daycare. Flexibility is essential, so just take one day at a time and remember that you can do this! As a graduate student, you're obviously able to do hard things. You have a fantastic mind, work ethic, and a host of other skills that will help you navigate this! You can do hard things, but know that you don't have to do them alone. As you adjust your plan as needed, always keep an eye out for people who can help. Your husband is obviously #1. Keep him up to date with how you feel and what you need. Communicate with your professors. Let them know how things are going and what you need. I don't know your family and friend situation, but let other people around you know that this will be hard for you and see what they're willing to do. Finally, keep track of how you're feeling. It seems obvious, but if you run out of gas in the middle of your sprint, you won't make it. Take care of yourself. Delegate. Adjust your expectations for yourself. Things in your body and life are changing. You may not be able to do things the way you used to. That's ok. You're making a little human! This may be one of the hardest things your body has ever done. Give yourself some grace. You've got this! You're amazing! | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | 1 | 3,257 | 1.666667 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy15l3o | gy0tiql | 1,620,944,015 | 1,620,938,319 | 5 | 3 | I had a baby in my second year of PhD. Like you, I was concerned to tell my PI and worried about how it would all work out. Everything was great! Financial strain, yes, as I took a semester off my RA position. But I honestly think it was way better than waiting until my early years of being an assistant professor. My hours were super flexible, my professors all understanding, and I was able to minimize stress to have a great pregnancy! It wasn't planned, but I wouldn't trade the timing, honestly. CONGRATULATIONS!!! | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | 1 | 5,696 | 1.666667 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1e0dt | gy1x60y | 1,620,948,241 | 1,620,958,286 | 4 | 5 | I started my PhD with an 18 month old. Graduated in five years, which is pretty standard in my field. Got a TT and now as I work to tenure my son is old enough to take care of a lot. It’s not the worst. | I had a baby during my second year. I was scared to tell my advisor but it worked out. All in all I ended up taking a semester longer than I intended. But actually doing it while pregnant and with a newborn wasn’t so bad. I could get things done during all the naps. Getting things done is a lot harder with a toddler but it’s manageable if you have some support. You don’t have to choose. | 0 | 10,045 | 1.25 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0tiql | gy1e0dt | 1,620,938,319 | 1,620,948,241 | 3 | 4 | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | I started my PhD with an 18 month old. Graduated in five years, which is pretty standard in my field. Got a TT and now as I work to tenure my son is old enough to take care of a lot. It’s not the worst. | 0 | 9,922 | 1.333333 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1x60y | gy0tiql | 1,620,958,286 | 1,620,938,319 | 5 | 3 | I had a baby during my second year. I was scared to tell my advisor but it worked out. All in all I ended up taking a semester longer than I intended. But actually doing it while pregnant and with a newborn wasn’t so bad. I could get things done during all the naps. Getting things done is a lot harder with a toddler but it’s manageable if you have some support. You don’t have to choose. | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | 1 | 19,967 | 1.666667 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy1o4wb | gy1x60y | 1,620,953,504 | 1,620,958,286 | 4 | 5 | I did it. Message me if you want to chat. Its hard, and depending on where you are it can be a nightmare financially. If you are scholarship paid you may not qualify for EI (me). I recommend talking to your PI right away and planning ahead. My PI was amazingly supportive. We worked together to make it happen. I would try to setup to be writing after your leave so you have lots of opportunity to plan your own schedule. I ran experiments double time while preggers so I had data and stuff to be writing when I got back. I also trained some summer students to finish up some stuff after I left. I had my mom and sister for childcare, and my husband fulltime dads. I graduated in record time but I did sacrifice myself a lot. I went into labor in my qualifying exam (finished), and only took 4 months leave. I recall over three days and nights without sleep. You're going to have to really want to finish. I don't regret it though. I also very stronglu recommend co-sleeping. If youncan swing it, I strongly suggest living really close to your school (I was walking distance) so you can come and go easily. | I had a baby during my second year. I was scared to tell my advisor but it worked out. All in all I ended up taking a semester longer than I intended. But actually doing it while pregnant and with a newborn wasn’t so bad. I could get things done during all the naps. Getting things done is a lot harder with a toddler but it’s manageable if you have some support. You don’t have to choose. | 0 | 4,782 | 1.25 |
nboxt1 | askacademia_train | 0.98 | Pregnant during PhD program Hi everyone! I just found out that I’m pregnant. My husband and I are over the moon, but the anxiety is starting to creep up on me. I am finishing up my second year of my PhD program in biology and the baby will be due in the beginning/middle of my third year. Quals are at the end of the third year. I am really lucky and I have a really supportive PI who cares about his students, but I’m still scared about how he is going to handle it. I’m also scared about how I will handle being a mom and a grad student. I guess I’m just asking anyone who has gone through something like this for advice. What can I expect? And a bit of reassurance that you all made it through. Thanks! | gy0tiql | gy1o4wb | 1,620,938,319 | 1,620,953,504 | 3 | 4 | You can do this, having a supportive adviser is so important! I had two kids during my math PhD. Yes, it was hard but honestly I think it was easier to do it while they were very little compared to how it would be now that they are older. A few intense years and it will all be worth it. Congrats!! | I did it. Message me if you want to chat. Its hard, and depending on where you are it can be a nightmare financially. If you are scholarship paid you may not qualify for EI (me). I recommend talking to your PI right away and planning ahead. My PI was amazingly supportive. We worked together to make it happen. I would try to setup to be writing after your leave so you have lots of opportunity to plan your own schedule. I ran experiments double time while preggers so I had data and stuff to be writing when I got back. I also trained some summer students to finish up some stuff after I left. I had my mom and sister for childcare, and my husband fulltime dads. I graduated in record time but I did sacrifice myself a lot. I went into labor in my qualifying exam (finished), and only took 4 months leave. I recall over three days and nights without sleep. You're going to have to really want to finish. I don't regret it though. I also very stronglu recommend co-sleeping. If youncan swing it, I strongly suggest living really close to your school (I was walking distance) so you can come and go easily. | 0 | 15,185 | 1.333333 |
jxg3af | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I got an interview for my dream postdoc Somehow, I have managed to get an interview for my dream postdoc. It's in a location I have always dreamed of living in. It's at a renowned research institution under the supervision of an incredible and famous researcher. It's a position I don't feel that I am qualified for but yet somehow here I am. There are two positions open. And 6 people being interviewed. It is all too surreal. We went from me applying almost as a joke since I am nowhere near the caliber of the research that goes on there to finding out I got an interview to finding out that there's a decent chance of being successful. But now, I am even more stressed. I feel I am going to botch the interview and I will feel even worse because it was such a small hiring pool. I want to do well and have been practicing answering interview questions and reading up on the project topic for the last week. But I still feel like it won't be enough. How do I ace the interview and go on to live my dream position? | gcwh4th | gcwj30b | 1,605,839,702 | 1,605,840,793 | 17 | 31 | Just remember—if you got this far, it means they know for a fact that you are good enough to actually get the position! You wouldn’t be at this stage otherwise. Be confident and put your best foot forward. Pulling for you! | Seconded what the other two commenters said. Practice your talk, and keep in mind that now that you’re almost done your PhD you are one of a handful of experts in that very specific thing. I just wanted to comment because I was in the same position, applied for a reach/a dream postdoc, actually got an interview and ended up getting hired!! It can happen!! Keep your head up and believe in your own science and your own abilities and you’ll be great | 0 | 1,091 | 1.823529 |
jxg3af | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I got an interview for my dream postdoc Somehow, I have managed to get an interview for my dream postdoc. It's in a location I have always dreamed of living in. It's at a renowned research institution under the supervision of an incredible and famous researcher. It's a position I don't feel that I am qualified for but yet somehow here I am. There are two positions open. And 6 people being interviewed. It is all too surreal. We went from me applying almost as a joke since I am nowhere near the caliber of the research that goes on there to finding out I got an interview to finding out that there's a decent chance of being successful. But now, I am even more stressed. I feel I am going to botch the interview and I will feel even worse because it was such a small hiring pool. I want to do well and have been practicing answering interview questions and reading up on the project topic for the last week. But I still feel like it won't be enough. How do I ace the interview and go on to live my dream position? | gcwr7ko | gcwua4u | 1,605,845,489 | 1,605,847,341 | 6 | 14 | I would sit quietly and really imagine my day to day life in that job. How will I feel? What will I contribute? Who will I work with? How will I collaborate with them? Where will I live? What will I eat? I think too often candidates practice expressing the highlights of the work they have already done in the past, but the interviewer needs to know what the candidate will do in the future, in the interviewer's future. Not only that, but what the candidate will do must be what the interviewer needs. So, they must have a shared vision of the future. They both have to imagine they will work well together and be productive before the interviewer can offer the job to that candidate. Also, the candidate must listen attentively. Sometimes an interviewer will explain the project and/or specific needs he requires of the postdoc only during the interview. This information is not written in the advertisement so the candidate has no way to prepare for it. Keep your wits about you. | I agree with everyone’s suggestions here. I wanted to provided one more counter perspective that no one has mentioned yet. Sounds like you’re suffering imposter’s syndrome. Easier said than done, but as soon as you shake that feeling and start realizing your value, the less tense and more free you’ll feel to talk about your passion for the science. Just remember, even if you don’t get this exact position there are so many potential positions that can offer just as auspicious of an opportunity. If you’ve already got this far and got this level of interest, then that means you’ll inevitably land a nice position somewhere. Once you free yourself of the notion that this is do or die, it will liberate you to be more yourself during the interview. You’ll begin to focus on what you think/feel rather than saying what you think they want to hear (which is a terrible trap to fall into). | 0 | 1,852 | 2.333333 |
jxg3af | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I got an interview for my dream postdoc Somehow, I have managed to get an interview for my dream postdoc. It's in a location I have always dreamed of living in. It's at a renowned research institution under the supervision of an incredible and famous researcher. It's a position I don't feel that I am qualified for but yet somehow here I am. There are two positions open. And 6 people being interviewed. It is all too surreal. We went from me applying almost as a joke since I am nowhere near the caliber of the research that goes on there to finding out I got an interview to finding out that there's a decent chance of being successful. But now, I am even more stressed. I feel I am going to botch the interview and I will feel even worse because it was such a small hiring pool. I want to do well and have been practicing answering interview questions and reading up on the project topic for the last week. But I still feel like it won't be enough. How do I ace the interview and go on to live my dream position? | gcwr7ko | gcxam4x | 1,605,845,489 | 1,605,860,936 | 6 | 7 | I would sit quietly and really imagine my day to day life in that job. How will I feel? What will I contribute? Who will I work with? How will I collaborate with them? Where will I live? What will I eat? I think too often candidates practice expressing the highlights of the work they have already done in the past, but the interviewer needs to know what the candidate will do in the future, in the interviewer's future. Not only that, but what the candidate will do must be what the interviewer needs. So, they must have a shared vision of the future. They both have to imagine they will work well together and be productive before the interviewer can offer the job to that candidate. Also, the candidate must listen attentively. Sometimes an interviewer will explain the project and/or specific needs he requires of the postdoc only during the interview. This information is not written in the advertisement so the candidate has no way to prepare for it. Keep your wits about you. | In addition to what everyone else has said, try to come across as a collegiate, friendly, and likeable individual. At times this is the only thing that separates two candidates that I think will be equally good fit in my lab. | 0 | 15,447 | 1.166667 |
jxg3af | askacademia_train | 0.98 | I got an interview for my dream postdoc Somehow, I have managed to get an interview for my dream postdoc. It's in a location I have always dreamed of living in. It's at a renowned research institution under the supervision of an incredible and famous researcher. It's a position I don't feel that I am qualified for but yet somehow here I am. There are two positions open. And 6 people being interviewed. It is all too surreal. We went from me applying almost as a joke since I am nowhere near the caliber of the research that goes on there to finding out I got an interview to finding out that there's a decent chance of being successful. But now, I am even more stressed. I feel I am going to botch the interview and I will feel even worse because it was such a small hiring pool. I want to do well and have been practicing answering interview questions and reading up on the project topic for the last week. But I still feel like it won't be enough. How do I ace the interview and go on to live my dream position? | gcwv3xn | gcxam4x | 1,605,847,878 | 1,605,860,936 | 6 | 7 | I don't have specific advice, but you would not have gotten an interview if they didn't think you were great (and very qualified). Believe in yourself! | In addition to what everyone else has said, try to come across as a collegiate, friendly, and likeable individual. At times this is the only thing that separates two candidates that I think will be equally good fit in my lab. | 0 | 13,058 | 1.166667 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03a1po | h03dsbq | 1,622,475,076 | 1,622,476,923 | 88 | 153 | You are overthinking it. If all you said was “trouble at home,” you didn’t give enough information to justify an extension. That could mean anything, and we can’t give extensions for unspecified nonsense when students are vague like that. Your circumstances are actually something that might justify an extension. Be specific. I would write back with an apology for being vague and a more complete explanation. A family medical situation is sufficient justification for leniency. That said, a no is still possible, as this also sounds like a time management issue. Regardless of what answer you get, relax. We don’t generally waste a lot of energy thinking about and being offended by students asking for extensions in situations like this. | This sounds like a stressful situation, and I'm sorry that you are experiencing it. I can't speak for your specific professor, but I do not think it's likely that you harmed your good standing. In general, as long as you approach a request for an extension respectfully (e.g., it's not an indignant demand), you should be fine. A professor may not give an extension for a number of reasons (e.g., they do not believe it would be fair to other students who might also be struggling, they do not provide extensions except with a Dean's note, it was too short of notice, etc.), but it doesn't mean that they think ill of you for asking for one. My advice to you is to do what you can to submit the best work you can today. Or, if the late penalty is relatively light (e.g., 10%) and you think having an extra day will help you to have a substantially better assignment, go ahead and take a penalty if you need to. It sucks when circumstances beyond your control affect your grade in a class. Ultimately, you can only do your best, and it is okay if your best today is not quite as good as your best under better circumstances. Good luck. | 0 | 1,847 | 1.738636 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03dsbq | h038mof | 1,622,476,923 | 1,622,474,362 | 153 | 71 | This sounds like a stressful situation, and I'm sorry that you are experiencing it. I can't speak for your specific professor, but I do not think it's likely that you harmed your good standing. In general, as long as you approach a request for an extension respectfully (e.g., it's not an indignant demand), you should be fine. A professor may not give an extension for a number of reasons (e.g., they do not believe it would be fair to other students who might also be struggling, they do not provide extensions except with a Dean's note, it was too short of notice, etc.), but it doesn't mean that they think ill of you for asking for one. My advice to you is to do what you can to submit the best work you can today. Or, if the late penalty is relatively light (e.g., 10%) and you think having an extra day will help you to have a substantially better assignment, go ahead and take a penalty if you need to. It sucks when circumstances beyond your control affect your grade in a class. Ultimately, you can only do your best, and it is okay if your best today is not quite as good as your best under better circumstances. Good luck. | You are probably overthinking. He denied your request for an extension but the suggestion that therapy may be helpful was likely genuine. Nothing to feel ashamed about helping your grandparents when they were unwell - your professor may even have a higher opinion of your character for doing so. Hang in there! | 1 | 2,561 | 2.15493 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03mrf6 | h03vg5y | 1,622,481,329 | 1,622,485,565 | 93 | 113 | You don't owe the professor anything. It's not disrespectful to ask when you have genuine need, as you clearly do. I missed a major course deadline in the first year of my PhD due to mental health issues and ended up with a C in the course; the instructor let me do \[a significant quantity of\] make-up work afterwards to get it into the B range. (I was thinking about fellowship apps, but if you aren't looking to apply for another degree or fellowship, it probably isn't worth the extra work for you and for the instructor.) But – if you find your grade is significantly impacted by this assignment and you have concerns about it for future goals, it may be worth reaching out with a little more info (you were caring for your sick grandparents) and asking whether there is other work you could do to make it up afterwards. | Also, as a professor and mental health professional (I'm a clinical psychologist, and teach psychology), I'm concerned about all the responses that say it's out of line for a professor to refer a student to counseling. 99% of faculty have no mental health training. They can't be the students' therapists. If they think there is something going on that is out of their league, it's appropriate (and best practice!) to refer the student politely and respectfully to a counselor. This is not an insult. In fact, acting like it's taboo to refer to counseling *increases the stigma around mental health support*. Counseling should be a normalized part of coping with difficult situations - particularly in college where there's often a free or low-cost on-campus resource that's easy to access. | 0 | 4,236 | 1.215054 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03a1po | h03vg5y | 1,622,475,076 | 1,622,485,565 | 88 | 113 | You are overthinking it. If all you said was “trouble at home,” you didn’t give enough information to justify an extension. That could mean anything, and we can’t give extensions for unspecified nonsense when students are vague like that. Your circumstances are actually something that might justify an extension. Be specific. I would write back with an apology for being vague and a more complete explanation. A family medical situation is sufficient justification for leniency. That said, a no is still possible, as this also sounds like a time management issue. Regardless of what answer you get, relax. We don’t generally waste a lot of energy thinking about and being offended by students asking for extensions in situations like this. | Also, as a professor and mental health professional (I'm a clinical psychologist, and teach psychology), I'm concerned about all the responses that say it's out of line for a professor to refer a student to counseling. 99% of faculty have no mental health training. They can't be the students' therapists. If they think there is something going on that is out of their league, it's appropriate (and best practice!) to refer the student politely and respectfully to a counselor. This is not an insult. In fact, acting like it's taboo to refer to counseling *increases the stigma around mental health support*. Counseling should be a normalized part of coping with difficult situations - particularly in college where there's often a free or low-cost on-campus resource that's easy to access. | 0 | 10,489 | 1.284091 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03vg5y | h038mof | 1,622,485,565 | 1,622,474,362 | 113 | 71 | Also, as a professor and mental health professional (I'm a clinical psychologist, and teach psychology), I'm concerned about all the responses that say it's out of line for a professor to refer a student to counseling. 99% of faculty have no mental health training. They can't be the students' therapists. If they think there is something going on that is out of their league, it's appropriate (and best practice!) to refer the student politely and respectfully to a counselor. This is not an insult. In fact, acting like it's taboo to refer to counseling *increases the stigma around mental health support*. Counseling should be a normalized part of coping with difficult situations - particularly in college where there's often a free or low-cost on-campus resource that's easy to access. | You are probably overthinking. He denied your request for an extension but the suggestion that therapy may be helpful was likely genuine. Nothing to feel ashamed about helping your grandparents when they were unwell - your professor may even have a higher opinion of your character for doing so. Hang in there! | 1 | 11,203 | 1.591549 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03us4o | h03vg5y | 1,622,485,240 | 1,622,485,565 | 49 | 113 | Here are my thoughts as a professor: I am constantly trying to balance grace for extenuating circumstances with fairness to the students who are too afraid to ask for extension or who turn in work that isn't their best, because they honor deadlines. I absolutely detest having to evaluate a student's circumstances. What's "bad enough" for one student to need an extension might not be to another. I don't think anyone should have to send out health info (and students do - both their own and others!). I work at a school with a lot of first generation students, and their families often don't understand what college work looks like, and why their student is putting down boundaries. I literally don't feel like it's my job to figure out what's "bad enough," but I also need to have some semblance of deadlines for my own sanity. Furthermore, research tells us that a professor (or other authority figure) will never be completely fair in granting extensions and grace. We all have unconscious biases about race, gender, family situation, excuses, etc. These biases may shape our responses in ways we're not even aware of. Finally, I often find myself less willing to be flexible when I have my own stressors. For example, I (the professor) had a death in the family the week before finals. I scheduled myself time to grade everyone's papers before I went to the funeral. So when student asked for an extension, I literally did not know when I'd have time to grade it in a timely manner. I say all of this to put another perspective here: professors are human. Some are shitty people, some are great people, most are in between. Their own lives will impact their responses. The balance between fairness and grace often feels impossible for us - and most of us don't want to have to judge individual life circumstances. It's rarely personal on a conscious level - I doubt your professor is angry at you as an individual, and no apology is necessary. It's part of the job. Finally, my institution recommends that we refer students to the counseling center because professors are not therapists (although I am a therapist on the side, I can't be my students' therapist!). Therapy can be a good and helpful thing, and your prof likely sees this as something he can't handle, so he's referring you to someone who can help you more. | Also, as a professor and mental health professional (I'm a clinical psychologist, and teach psychology), I'm concerned about all the responses that say it's out of line for a professor to refer a student to counseling. 99% of faculty have no mental health training. They can't be the students' therapists. If they think there is something going on that is out of their league, it's appropriate (and best practice!) to refer the student politely and respectfully to a counselor. This is not an insult. In fact, acting like it's taboo to refer to counseling *increases the stigma around mental health support*. Counseling should be a normalized part of coping with difficult situations - particularly in college where there's often a free or low-cost on-campus resource that's easy to access. | 0 | 325 | 2.306122 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03pjf0 | h03vg5y | 1,622,482,677 | 1,622,485,565 | 6 | 113 | Uhhhhh Friday for a paper due Monday is really short notice. He should've accommodated you if possible, but it may not be possible - end of semester, grades are due, etc. I would have tried the dean if you had more time, but at this point I'd just finish the assignment and submit. It's honestly not a big deal. | Also, as a professor and mental health professional (I'm a clinical psychologist, and teach psychology), I'm concerned about all the responses that say it's out of line for a professor to refer a student to counseling. 99% of faculty have no mental health training. They can't be the students' therapists. If they think there is something going on that is out of their league, it's appropriate (and best practice!) to refer the student politely and respectfully to a counselor. This is not an insult. In fact, acting like it's taboo to refer to counseling *increases the stigma around mental health support*. Counseling should be a normalized part of coping with difficult situations - particularly in college where there's often a free or low-cost on-campus resource that's easy to access. | 0 | 2,888 | 18.833333 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03si37 | h03vg5y | 1,622,484,119 | 1,622,485,565 | 3 | 113 | One thing that I left out of my initial comment; I have never taken a request from a student personally. What I have done is reflect on the demands of the course; does the content meet the expected performance, is there sufficient time for mastery, etc. I welcome the feedback, questions from students because it improves experience and mastery | Also, as a professor and mental health professional (I'm a clinical psychologist, and teach psychology), I'm concerned about all the responses that say it's out of line for a professor to refer a student to counseling. 99% of faculty have no mental health training. They can't be the students' therapists. If they think there is something going on that is out of their league, it's appropriate (and best practice!) to refer the student politely and respectfully to a counselor. This is not an insult. In fact, acting like it's taboo to refer to counseling *increases the stigma around mental health support*. Counseling should be a normalized part of coping with difficult situations - particularly in college where there's often a free or low-cost on-campus resource that's easy to access. | 0 | 1,446 | 37.666667 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03a1po | h03mrf6 | 1,622,475,076 | 1,622,481,329 | 88 | 93 | You are overthinking it. If all you said was “trouble at home,” you didn’t give enough information to justify an extension. That could mean anything, and we can’t give extensions for unspecified nonsense when students are vague like that. Your circumstances are actually something that might justify an extension. Be specific. I would write back with an apology for being vague and a more complete explanation. A family medical situation is sufficient justification for leniency. That said, a no is still possible, as this also sounds like a time management issue. Regardless of what answer you get, relax. We don’t generally waste a lot of energy thinking about and being offended by students asking for extensions in situations like this. | You don't owe the professor anything. It's not disrespectful to ask when you have genuine need, as you clearly do. I missed a major course deadline in the first year of my PhD due to mental health issues and ended up with a C in the course; the instructor let me do \[a significant quantity of\] make-up work afterwards to get it into the B range. (I was thinking about fellowship apps, but if you aren't looking to apply for another degree or fellowship, it probably isn't worth the extra work for you and for the instructor.) But – if you find your grade is significantly impacted by this assignment and you have concerns about it for future goals, it may be worth reaching out with a little more info (you were caring for your sick grandparents) and asking whether there is other work you could do to make it up afterwards. | 0 | 6,253 | 1.056818 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03mrf6 | h038mof | 1,622,481,329 | 1,622,474,362 | 93 | 71 | You don't owe the professor anything. It's not disrespectful to ask when you have genuine need, as you clearly do. I missed a major course deadline in the first year of my PhD due to mental health issues and ended up with a C in the course; the instructor let me do \[a significant quantity of\] make-up work afterwards to get it into the B range. (I was thinking about fellowship apps, but if you aren't looking to apply for another degree or fellowship, it probably isn't worth the extra work for you and for the instructor.) But – if you find your grade is significantly impacted by this assignment and you have concerns about it for future goals, it may be worth reaching out with a little more info (you were caring for your sick grandparents) and asking whether there is other work you could do to make it up afterwards. | You are probably overthinking. He denied your request for an extension but the suggestion that therapy may be helpful was likely genuine. Nothing to feel ashamed about helping your grandparents when they were unwell - your professor may even have a higher opinion of your character for doing so. Hang in there! | 1 | 6,967 | 1.309859 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03a1po | h038mof | 1,622,475,076 | 1,622,474,362 | 88 | 71 | You are overthinking it. If all you said was “trouble at home,” you didn’t give enough information to justify an extension. That could mean anything, and we can’t give extensions for unspecified nonsense when students are vague like that. Your circumstances are actually something that might justify an extension. Be specific. I would write back with an apology for being vague and a more complete explanation. A family medical situation is sufficient justification for leniency. That said, a no is still possible, as this also sounds like a time management issue. Regardless of what answer you get, relax. We don’t generally waste a lot of energy thinking about and being offended by students asking for extensions in situations like this. | You are probably overthinking. He denied your request for an extension but the suggestion that therapy may be helpful was likely genuine. Nothing to feel ashamed about helping your grandparents when they were unwell - your professor may even have a higher opinion of your character for doing so. Hang in there! | 1 | 714 | 1.239437 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03us4o | h03pjf0 | 1,622,485,240 | 1,622,482,677 | 49 | 6 | Here are my thoughts as a professor: I am constantly trying to balance grace for extenuating circumstances with fairness to the students who are too afraid to ask for extension or who turn in work that isn't their best, because they honor deadlines. I absolutely detest having to evaluate a student's circumstances. What's "bad enough" for one student to need an extension might not be to another. I don't think anyone should have to send out health info (and students do - both their own and others!). I work at a school with a lot of first generation students, and their families often don't understand what college work looks like, and why their student is putting down boundaries. I literally don't feel like it's my job to figure out what's "bad enough," but I also need to have some semblance of deadlines for my own sanity. Furthermore, research tells us that a professor (or other authority figure) will never be completely fair in granting extensions and grace. We all have unconscious biases about race, gender, family situation, excuses, etc. These biases may shape our responses in ways we're not even aware of. Finally, I often find myself less willing to be flexible when I have my own stressors. For example, I (the professor) had a death in the family the week before finals. I scheduled myself time to grade everyone's papers before I went to the funeral. So when student asked for an extension, I literally did not know when I'd have time to grade it in a timely manner. I say all of this to put another perspective here: professors are human. Some are shitty people, some are great people, most are in between. Their own lives will impact their responses. The balance between fairness and grace often feels impossible for us - and most of us don't want to have to judge individual life circumstances. It's rarely personal on a conscious level - I doubt your professor is angry at you as an individual, and no apology is necessary. It's part of the job. Finally, my institution recommends that we refer students to the counseling center because professors are not therapists (although I am a therapist on the side, I can't be my students' therapist!). Therapy can be a good and helpful thing, and your prof likely sees this as something he can't handle, so he's referring you to someone who can help you more. | Uhhhhh Friday for a paper due Monday is really short notice. He should've accommodated you if possible, but it may not be possible - end of semester, grades are due, etc. I would have tried the dean if you had more time, but at this point I'd just finish the assignment and submit. It's honestly not a big deal. | 1 | 2,563 | 8.166667 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03si37 | h03us4o | 1,622,484,119 | 1,622,485,240 | 3 | 49 | One thing that I left out of my initial comment; I have never taken a request from a student personally. What I have done is reflect on the demands of the course; does the content meet the expected performance, is there sufficient time for mastery, etc. I welcome the feedback, questions from students because it improves experience and mastery | Here are my thoughts as a professor: I am constantly trying to balance grace for extenuating circumstances with fairness to the students who are too afraid to ask for extension or who turn in work that isn't their best, because they honor deadlines. I absolutely detest having to evaluate a student's circumstances. What's "bad enough" for one student to need an extension might not be to another. I don't think anyone should have to send out health info (and students do - both their own and others!). I work at a school with a lot of first generation students, and their families often don't understand what college work looks like, and why their student is putting down boundaries. I literally don't feel like it's my job to figure out what's "bad enough," but I also need to have some semblance of deadlines for my own sanity. Furthermore, research tells us that a professor (or other authority figure) will never be completely fair in granting extensions and grace. We all have unconscious biases about race, gender, family situation, excuses, etc. These biases may shape our responses in ways we're not even aware of. Finally, I often find myself less willing to be flexible when I have my own stressors. For example, I (the professor) had a death in the family the week before finals. I scheduled myself time to grade everyone's papers before I went to the funeral. So when student asked for an extension, I literally did not know when I'd have time to grade it in a timely manner. I say all of this to put another perspective here: professors are human. Some are shitty people, some are great people, most are in between. Their own lives will impact their responses. The balance between fairness and grace often feels impossible for us - and most of us don't want to have to judge individual life circumstances. It's rarely personal on a conscious level - I doubt your professor is angry at you as an individual, and no apology is necessary. It's part of the job. Finally, my institution recommends that we refer students to the counseling center because professors are not therapists (although I am a therapist on the side, I can't be my students' therapist!). Therapy can be a good and helpful thing, and your prof likely sees this as something he can't handle, so he's referring you to someone who can help you more. | 0 | 1,121 | 16.333333 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h03z2bj | h03si37 | 1,622,487,348 | 1,622,484,119 | 5 | 3 | I’m sorry that the pandemic had been hard for you. I think it’s incredibly selfless for you to take care of your grandparents. I wouldn’t worry about disappointing other people. You should always do what makes sense for you. As long as you do your best and give your best effort given the circumstances, there is nothing to apologize for. There is nothing wrong with making a request, but when making one always assume the answer is going to be no, that way if it is, then it’s fine and if it isn’t then you’re grateful. Turn in what you have, then accept the grade and move on. When I was teaching, it was never the requests that would bother me. I can understand those. The students who rise above adversity are the ones I admire the most. The ones who whine and complain, who try to manipulate me to change their grade by giving me stories about how their placement on a team, their scholarship, or how their placement in a program will be threatened are the ones that annoyed me. There is nothing to be ashamed of... many students struggle. I’m sure your professor can understand that... we’ve all either struggled or watched our classmates go through things when we were in school. BTW, I never assumed a student was lying about their reasons for an extension unless they did stuff that was blatantly misleading (once a student told me their only aunt died and even showed me a program from a funeral so I gave them an extension, then several weeks later, I heard them talking before class about how excited they were that their aunt was coming to visit. I later found out that they made the program up themselves. I emailed the student, told them all about academic dishonesty, and the student subsequently dropped my class). | One thing that I left out of my initial comment; I have never taken a request from a student personally. What I have done is reflect on the demands of the course; does the content meet the expected performance, is there sufficient time for mastery, etc. I welcome the feedback, questions from students because it improves experience and mastery | 1 | 3,229 | 1.666667 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h04j1q3 | h03si37 | 1,622,497,466 | 1,622,484,119 | 5 | 3 | No need to feel bad asking for an extension. TONS of students ask for them! Honestly whether or not I give extensions is entirely independent of how I feel about the student. It's more about what feels fair. In the past year especially students have been begging for extensions, and it's hard to judge them without it getting messy, so I usually just try to avoid any judgment. I say "no, turn it in when you can and I'll deduct points accordingly". Even if I feel bad for the student, and like them a lot. After I send the email I almost immediately forget about it. As to therapy, he probably meant it. He may see a therapist himself (lots of us do). Overall: nothing to feel bad about here. You did a totally normal thing. | One thing that I left out of my initial comment; I have never taken a request from a student personally. What I have done is reflect on the demands of the course; does the content meet the expected performance, is there sufficient time for mastery, etc. I welcome the feedback, questions from students because it improves experience and mastery | 1 | 13,347 | 1.666667 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h04ahkp | h04j1q3 | 1,622,493,070 | 1,622,497,466 | 2 | 5 | I'm sorry that you're going through so many stressful things right now. I'm an instructor and PhD student, and honestly I have little respect for profs who show no compassion in the way they approach things like extensions. People justify super harsh/strict extensions policies with the idea that it's not fair for some students to get an extension, or that they need to prepare you for the "real world" by having inflexible deadlines. This kind of reasoning just doesn't hold up when you look beyond the surface. For one, if a prof is truly concerned about fairness, they have to be willing to think in terms of equity, not just equality. It's a lot easier for a student to meet a deadline if they are neurotypical, able-bodied, don't have caregiving responsibilities, aren't living in poverty, etc. Is it really fair to deny another student an extension because they are overwhelmed with things like caregiving responsibilities? Different students are managing their class work through very different conditions, and so, in my mind, having some flexibility when it comes to offering extensions is the only equitable approach. The idea that having inflexible deadlines better prepares students for jobs is also not really accurate. Sure, sometimes one will have a pretty hard deadline in jobs. But other times things will have more flexibility. A really important skill is being able to communicate with your team and employer. If a deadline isn't feasible, being able to discuss that and come up with a solution is the professional thing to do. And even if a worker has an important deadline coming up, sometimes an unforeseeable life crisis just happens and gets in the way; life and it's challenges don't get put on hold just because we have a class or a job. When instructors are so inflexible about things like extensions, it essentially punishes students for things outside of their control (from disability, to illness, to caregiving responsibilities, to family emergencies, etc.). And then the students end up beating themselves up and feeling like they are bad students and should be ashamed, when really it's the instructor who should be ashamed of their uncompassionate and inequitable approach. I encourage you not to internalize this as something you've done wrong. My extension policy is just that students have to ask for an extension a day in advance (if possible; if an emergency comes up less than a day in advance we will navigate that as well). I do talk to students at the beginning of class about how sticking to deadlines is helpful when possible, because then their assignments will be more evenly spaced out. But if they decide they need an extension, it is always available if they ask, and I don't require them to tell me personal info to justify it. I have never had an issue with this policy. Each assignment, a few students (out of 30-40) will take an extension. It makes no difference to my marking, as it's not like I mark 40 papers all in a couple nights anyway. The only time I can understand extensions not being possible is at the end of term, when an instructor has to have their marks in by a certain time and so they don't have leeway. In cases like this, I think instructors should make it clear to students ahead of time that this is the case. (And even then, in exceptional circumstances, institutions usually do have some processes to deal with situations like this. E.g., a student gets a grade of "incomplete" and has to submit all work by a certain hard deadline, otherwise the IN changes to an F or whatever grade the student has with the work that was submitted). Anyway, I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation and weren't granted an extension. It's normal to struggle to keep up with school when you have a lot going on in your life (not to mention the world still being in the midst of a global pandemic). I know that doesn't help you to deal with the situation at hand really, but I hope it reassures you that you haven't done anything wrong and aren't a bad student. | No need to feel bad asking for an extension. TONS of students ask for them! Honestly whether or not I give extensions is entirely independent of how I feel about the student. It's more about what feels fair. In the past year especially students have been begging for extensions, and it's hard to judge them without it getting messy, so I usually just try to avoid any judgment. I say "no, turn it in when you can and I'll deduct points accordingly". Even if I feel bad for the student, and like them a lot. After I send the email I almost immediately forget about it. As to therapy, he probably meant it. He may see a therapist himself (lots of us do). Overall: nothing to feel bad about here. You did a totally normal thing. | 0 | 4,396 | 2.5 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h04oj6h | h03si37 | 1,622,500,401 | 1,622,484,119 | 4 | 3 | I've never had a professor deny me an extension. Sounds like yours is just a dick. Don't be ashamed. Just bite your lip and move on. Sounds like you've been shouldering a lot and you don't need to let some jerk bring you down. | One thing that I left out of my initial comment; I have never taken a request from a student personally. What I have done is reflect on the demands of the course; does the content meet the expected performance, is there sufficient time for mastery, etc. I welcome the feedback, questions from students because it improves experience and mastery | 1 | 16,282 | 1.333333 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h04ahkp | h04oj6h | 1,622,493,070 | 1,622,500,401 | 2 | 4 | I'm sorry that you're going through so many stressful things right now. I'm an instructor and PhD student, and honestly I have little respect for profs who show no compassion in the way they approach things like extensions. People justify super harsh/strict extensions policies with the idea that it's not fair for some students to get an extension, or that they need to prepare you for the "real world" by having inflexible deadlines. This kind of reasoning just doesn't hold up when you look beyond the surface. For one, if a prof is truly concerned about fairness, they have to be willing to think in terms of equity, not just equality. It's a lot easier for a student to meet a deadline if they are neurotypical, able-bodied, don't have caregiving responsibilities, aren't living in poverty, etc. Is it really fair to deny another student an extension because they are overwhelmed with things like caregiving responsibilities? Different students are managing their class work through very different conditions, and so, in my mind, having some flexibility when it comes to offering extensions is the only equitable approach. The idea that having inflexible deadlines better prepares students for jobs is also not really accurate. Sure, sometimes one will have a pretty hard deadline in jobs. But other times things will have more flexibility. A really important skill is being able to communicate with your team and employer. If a deadline isn't feasible, being able to discuss that and come up with a solution is the professional thing to do. And even if a worker has an important deadline coming up, sometimes an unforeseeable life crisis just happens and gets in the way; life and it's challenges don't get put on hold just because we have a class or a job. When instructors are so inflexible about things like extensions, it essentially punishes students for things outside of their control (from disability, to illness, to caregiving responsibilities, to family emergencies, etc.). And then the students end up beating themselves up and feeling like they are bad students and should be ashamed, when really it's the instructor who should be ashamed of their uncompassionate and inequitable approach. I encourage you not to internalize this as something you've done wrong. My extension policy is just that students have to ask for an extension a day in advance (if possible; if an emergency comes up less than a day in advance we will navigate that as well). I do talk to students at the beginning of class about how sticking to deadlines is helpful when possible, because then their assignments will be more evenly spaced out. But if they decide they need an extension, it is always available if they ask, and I don't require them to tell me personal info to justify it. I have never had an issue with this policy. Each assignment, a few students (out of 30-40) will take an extension. It makes no difference to my marking, as it's not like I mark 40 papers all in a couple nights anyway. The only time I can understand extensions not being possible is at the end of term, when an instructor has to have their marks in by a certain time and so they don't have leeway. In cases like this, I think instructors should make it clear to students ahead of time that this is the case. (And even then, in exceptional circumstances, institutions usually do have some processes to deal with situations like this. E.g., a student gets a grade of "incomplete" and has to submit all work by a certain hard deadline, otherwise the IN changes to an F or whatever grade the student has with the work that was submitted). Anyway, I'm sorry you're in this difficult situation and weren't granted an extension. It's normal to struggle to keep up with school when you have a lot going on in your life (not to mention the world still being in the midst of a global pandemic). I know that doesn't help you to deal with the situation at hand really, but I hope it reassures you that you haven't done anything wrong and aren't a bad student. | I've never had a professor deny me an extension. Sounds like yours is just a dick. Don't be ashamed. Just bite your lip and move on. Sounds like you've been shouldering a lot and you don't need to let some jerk bring you down. | 0 | 7,331 | 2 |
np5jgz | askacademia_train | 0.96 | Really embarrassed after being denied an extension... Don't know how to stay on my professor's good graces? Hi everyone, I hope I am following all Sub rules. I just got denied an extension on a major assignment that was due today and I kind of just wanted to hear some advice on how other students/academics manage feelings of embarrassment associated with failure or disappointing others. I'd also like to hear from profs who might have heard from students like me and responded in similar ways to mine. You can all be as honest as possible - please feel free to chastise me if you feel that it is necessary in this case. I had to move back in with my grandparents during the pandemic to take care of them and have been having trouble with school ever since. Nothing I haven't been able to handle, thankfully. However, after they got their vaccines on Thursday, they fell unwell and I've been pressed for time as I've managed caring for them, finishing this paper, and working. I reached out to my instructor on Friday morning with a brief email asking for an extension on this assignment due to trouble at home, apologizing profusely. He only just got back to me with a no and a suggestion to see a therapist for my home troubles. He might have meant well with the suggestion, but I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I'm worried I have lost good standing with him and I am worried I have offended him. I hope he does not think I lied. I don't know whether I should respond with an apology, but I don't know what to apologize for? Anyways, I may just be overthinking this... Pandemic stress... Thank you for your time nonetheless. | h04oj6h | h04nwds | 1,622,500,401 | 1,622,500,054 | 4 | 2 | I've never had a professor deny me an extension. Sounds like yours is just a dick. Don't be ashamed. Just bite your lip and move on. Sounds like you've been shouldering a lot and you don't need to let some jerk bring you down. | Don't be embarrassed, there are so many reasons why the prof might have said no. While I'm not a prof I am a GTA and I've worked with students who have significant trouble submitting for any number of reasons. We don't treat them any differently (or at least I don't, and I know the people I've worked with don't, I can't speak fir everyone obviously). I always refer people to student services or to mental health counselling at the university where possible because I want them to know that 1) these are legitimate issues and there is no shame in seeking help, 2) while I can't help them with their specific issues I consider them valid, even if my hands are tied by uni rules and regulations, 3) these are legit concerns that a lot of students have - so many that we have services available for them, proving that you aren't the only one suffering. I also support what someone else said, that then referring you on to therapy is actually a good thing because it means they're not trying to pretend they're equipped to handle this stuff and that they're not pretending it's not a real issue. It's valid, you're valid, and even if you unfortunately can't get an extension your prof sees that. Try your best to get it in as soon as you can, and your prof will see that as a good faith effort. Better late than never, and at least late gives you a smaller penalty than not handing in at all. Try to reach out to someone in student services to explain your situation so that in the future you have a bit of support and know what steps to take with extensions etc. | 1 | 347 | 2 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fnrw881 | fnrsn3y | 1,587,203,979 | 1,587,200,027 | 215 | 122 | There's a few things that I think come together to make a person a strong researcher: 1. Self motivation - this one is absolutely critical. If you are a person who needs reassurance and pick-me-ups from other people at any kind of regularity to keep on with tasks, or as a clap on the back for completing a task, this is not the space for you. I absolutely encourage people to build positive workspaces where those things happen, but the reality is that on month 6 of a project when you realise everything you've been doing since Christmas has been a waste of time because of thing X, you need to be able to find it in yourself to start over and get going at it again with a modified approach/whatever. 2. Time management - When you're left to your own devices you need to be able to schedule yourself reasonably. 3. Thoughtfulness - If you are a researcher you need ot be able to critically think about what you and others are doing. What's working, what's not working, where are the gaps, what might things mean, etc etc. It's entirely possible to love doing the data gathering but never really cross that threshold. However, this is also where most of the imposter syndrome comes in, as you convince yourself that others in the field have some kind of wiley mastery over the black arts. The reality is that most of us are metaphorically grabbing a few threads and trying to tie them together. 4. Clarity - This comes with experience, but you ultimately need to reach a point where you can express your thoughts and ideas clearly and precisely. 5. Luck. It really really helps if you can be in the right place at the right time. Find yourself in an area that suddenly becomes a hot topic. Graduate at the right time for the right job to be available. Bump in to person Y at a conference and have a surprise conversation that exposes fruitful research idea z. etc etc. A final one I'll add; Be kind. There's a proportion of arseholes in academia. They're not everywhere, and hey're not even the majority. But they exist. Counter their fuckwittery. Support your colleagues. Let them help support you. Be constructive in your feedback, and be proactive in sharing your time and effort with people you trust or - as you become more senior - have influence over. Try to be a positive role model. I have forged so many successful and productive collaborations (and friendships) by saying yes to things, by sharing data, by being supportive of people trying to achieve things. It's played a part in job offers, and it's resulted in probably 70% of my publications. It's resulted in all sorts of funded travel opportunities. If you're good people to work with word gets around. | To hell with Tom. This is your life not his. But you know what, sometimes you need people like Tom in your life to remind just how tough you are. I've had people like that at various stages in my life, and yet, here I am. I think a good researcher is someone who has strong critical thinking and organisational skills, and is open-minded. The person also has to be curious and have a lust for knowledge and discovery. Even though the fact that you enjoy something doesn't mean that you are good at it, I believe that the passion you have for it will motivate you to work hard and by doing so you'll get good at it. Natural talent is good and all, but there's a certain grit that comes with hard work and learning things the hard way. You never forget it and it becomes a part of you. Basically, I'm saying that whether you were born with it or you had to work for it, if you're good you're good. Doesn't matter how you ended up there. Just keep doing what you're doing. If you've made it this far then you must be doing it right, right? | 1 | 3,952 | 1.762295 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fnrv5i3 | fnrw881 | 1,587,202,774 | 1,587,203,979 | 29 | 215 | Some people are more 'intelligent' than others, that's just a fact. The one's who appear arrogant, pretentious and overly forward about their own ability tend to be ones who are overcompensating. To be a good researcher at your career stage: work hard, don't be afraid to make mistakes or ask silly questions, don't be too put-off by failures, listen to and learn from collaborators and senior people. | There's a few things that I think come together to make a person a strong researcher: 1. Self motivation - this one is absolutely critical. If you are a person who needs reassurance and pick-me-ups from other people at any kind of regularity to keep on with tasks, or as a clap on the back for completing a task, this is not the space for you. I absolutely encourage people to build positive workspaces where those things happen, but the reality is that on month 6 of a project when you realise everything you've been doing since Christmas has been a waste of time because of thing X, you need to be able to find it in yourself to start over and get going at it again with a modified approach/whatever. 2. Time management - When you're left to your own devices you need to be able to schedule yourself reasonably. 3. Thoughtfulness - If you are a researcher you need ot be able to critically think about what you and others are doing. What's working, what's not working, where are the gaps, what might things mean, etc etc. It's entirely possible to love doing the data gathering but never really cross that threshold. However, this is also where most of the imposter syndrome comes in, as you convince yourself that others in the field have some kind of wiley mastery over the black arts. The reality is that most of us are metaphorically grabbing a few threads and trying to tie them together. 4. Clarity - This comes with experience, but you ultimately need to reach a point where you can express your thoughts and ideas clearly and precisely. 5. Luck. It really really helps if you can be in the right place at the right time. Find yourself in an area that suddenly becomes a hot topic. Graduate at the right time for the right job to be available. Bump in to person Y at a conference and have a surprise conversation that exposes fruitful research idea z. etc etc. A final one I'll add; Be kind. There's a proportion of arseholes in academia. They're not everywhere, and hey're not even the majority. But they exist. Counter their fuckwittery. Support your colleagues. Let them help support you. Be constructive in your feedback, and be proactive in sharing your time and effort with people you trust or - as you become more senior - have influence over. Try to be a positive role model. I have forged so many successful and productive collaborations (and friendships) by saying yes to things, by sharing data, by being supportive of people trying to achieve things. It's played a part in job offers, and it's resulted in probably 70% of my publications. It's resulted in all sorts of funded travel opportunities. If you're good people to work with word gets around. | 0 | 1,205 | 7.413793 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fns6n9f | fnrv5i3 | 1,587,214,238 | 1,587,202,774 | 35 | 29 | > I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. I'll take a run at this one point, since nobody else has yet. All of the other replies that personality traits and attributes are true: luck, openness, time management, and kindness are good predictors of whether someone will be good at the research process; especially if they have an otherwise-blank slate of experience. Published papers are the scorecard by which we measure past performance or productivity and search committees can count when you're on the market. If you've been out of a doctoral program for five years and have one low-level publication, someone could come to the conclusion that you are not good at research, regardless of your intellectually-curious, openness to failure, collaborative nature, and all the other things that it takes to be good at research. You either don't have the right methodological chops, time management ability, interpersonal skills, or something else. One of my mentors in graduate school used to joke that "nobody gives awards for reading." We actually had one intellectually-curious student wash out of the cohort behind me because although she loved reading new ideas, she could never complete a project. She'd read a book, get an idea, do 10% of a literature review, get sidetracked by another book, and start another literature review. She didn't make it past comps. One of the skills that it takes to be a good researcher is that you are driving towards the conclusion of a project. There will be changes and speed bumps along the way. You may have to pivot during the review process, add another author, send it to a different conference than you were expecting, or your funding sources might dry up, but you're always trying to get whatever it is done. That is what results in publications, presentations, grant awards, and all those other performance metrics that we'd use to say someone has been a "good researcher." | Some people are more 'intelligent' than others, that's just a fact. The one's who appear arrogant, pretentious and overly forward about their own ability tend to be ones who are overcompensating. To be a good researcher at your career stage: work hard, don't be afraid to make mistakes or ask silly questions, don't be too put-off by failures, listen to and learn from collaborators and senior people. | 1 | 11,464 | 1.206897 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fns6n9f | fns684b | 1,587,214,238 | 1,587,213,889 | 35 | 9 | > I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. I'll take a run at this one point, since nobody else has yet. All of the other replies that personality traits and attributes are true: luck, openness, time management, and kindness are good predictors of whether someone will be good at the research process; especially if they have an otherwise-blank slate of experience. Published papers are the scorecard by which we measure past performance or productivity and search committees can count when you're on the market. If you've been out of a doctoral program for five years and have one low-level publication, someone could come to the conclusion that you are not good at research, regardless of your intellectually-curious, openness to failure, collaborative nature, and all the other things that it takes to be good at research. You either don't have the right methodological chops, time management ability, interpersonal skills, or something else. One of my mentors in graduate school used to joke that "nobody gives awards for reading." We actually had one intellectually-curious student wash out of the cohort behind me because although she loved reading new ideas, she could never complete a project. She'd read a book, get an idea, do 10% of a literature review, get sidetracked by another book, and start another literature review. She didn't make it past comps. One of the skills that it takes to be a good researcher is that you are driving towards the conclusion of a project. There will be changes and speed bumps along the way. You may have to pivot during the review process, add another author, send it to a different conference than you were expecting, or your funding sources might dry up, but you're always trying to get whatever it is done. That is what results in publications, presentations, grant awards, and all those other performance metrics that we'd use to say someone has been a "good researcher." | How about asking another question first: "what is good research?" - then the answer to your question would boil down to "an individual who is capable of consistently producing good research". The new question will provoke a spectrum of different answers. In my field, some people value freshness of ideas, some people value methodological rigor, some people value clarity of presentation. Some people make it very far with only really excelling in one of these dimensions -- there are enough other people who value what they're doing. Excelling in all of these dimensions might make you a leader of the whole research field. | 1 | 349 | 3.888889 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fns7yyw | fns8uko | 1,587,215,296 | 1,587,215,972 | 5 | 7 | You are good at: 1) Identifying what you don’t know/understand and what is important to understand. 2) Finding textbooks, papers, lectures, or people to fill gaps in your knowledge 3) Learning a skill quickly to the point where you can use it for basic needs (learning spreadsheets, or making graphs of data in Python, or solving a particular type of DE, etc.) 4) Making good notes/documentation for yourself 5) Talking to people to express your ideas/findings *in a way they can understand* 6) Presenting your results to others via papers, reports, slideshows, graphs, etc. *in a way they can understand.* 7) Accept honest criticism and get along with others. 8) Public speaking. 9) Teaching. 10) Organizing topics/results/concepts in a logical “big picture” way. 11) Details. 12) Learn from mistakes. | The fact that this interaction lead you to ask this question suggests to me that you already are a very talented researcher. | 0 | 676 | 1.4 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fnsfooe | fns7yyw | 1,587,220,621 | 1,587,215,296 | 7 | 5 | This Tom is an early PhD student, meaning he still hardly knows his arse from his elbow. Unless his field is the study of student success in higher educaton he can roll up those papers, insert them into himself and spin on it. Right now he's getting high off his own supply, but that attitude isn't going to get him far when he has his own struggles in his work and suddenly he's the stupid one. One of my best lecturers, Peter Mayhew, would always say that he never fely like he was the smartest person in the room in his career, and that he got where he was through persistence and hard work, humility, and an eagerness to learn from those around him. Beig good at what you do isn't about having some magic spark, its about working at it and dilligent proffesional development. They are the qualities that made him and excellent evolutionary biologist, and a good teacher. They are also the qualities that make someone a memorable person. | You are good at: 1) Identifying what you don’t know/understand and what is important to understand. 2) Finding textbooks, papers, lectures, or people to fill gaps in your knowledge 3) Learning a skill quickly to the point where you can use it for basic needs (learning spreadsheets, or making graphs of data in Python, or solving a particular type of DE, etc.) 4) Making good notes/documentation for yourself 5) Talking to people to express your ideas/findings *in a way they can understand* 6) Presenting your results to others via papers, reports, slideshows, graphs, etc. *in a way they can understand.* 7) Accept honest criticism and get along with others. 8) Public speaking. 9) Teaching. 10) Organizing topics/results/concepts in a logical “big picture” way. 11) Details. 12) Learn from mistakes. | 1 | 5,325 | 1.4 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fnsakc6 | fnsfooe | 1,587,217,239 | 1,587,220,621 | 2 | 7 | First, don't worry about Tom, as others have said. What I think makes a good researcher is the following: 1. Motivated 2. Knows how to do a good literature review and find the gap in the literature. 3. Ethical At the end of the day, research is knowing what's been done and knowing what needs to done, then filling that gap or part of that gap or even just attempting to fill the gap. | This Tom is an early PhD student, meaning he still hardly knows his arse from his elbow. Unless his field is the study of student success in higher educaton he can roll up those papers, insert them into himself and spin on it. Right now he's getting high off his own supply, but that attitude isn't going to get him far when he has his own struggles in his work and suddenly he's the stupid one. One of my best lecturers, Peter Mayhew, would always say that he never fely like he was the smartest person in the room in his career, and that he got where he was through persistence and hard work, humility, and an eagerness to learn from those around him. Beig good at what you do isn't about having some magic spark, its about working at it and dilligent proffesional development. They are the qualities that made him and excellent evolutionary biologist, and a good teacher. They are also the qualities that make someone a memorable person. | 0 | 3,382 | 3.5 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fnt12gc | fnsakc6 | 1,587,232,586 | 1,587,217,239 | 5 | 2 | My name is Tom, and I feel attacked reading these comments. But Tom sounds like a real turd! | First, don't worry about Tom, as others have said. What I think makes a good researcher is the following: 1. Motivated 2. Knows how to do a good literature review and find the gap in the literature. 3. Ethical At the end of the day, research is knowing what's been done and knowing what needs to done, then filling that gap or part of that gap or even just attempting to fill the gap. | 1 | 15,347 | 2.5 |
g3k9gg | askacademia_train | 0.98 | What does it mean for someone to be "good at research?" Sorry if the title is a bit ambiguous and broad. I was chatting last night with a couple of people from my lab. One of them is a recent PhD who's a year older than me and is one of the lab's "assets" in the sense that he's done some good work in our field and many people look up to him. Let's call him Tom. Tom also happens to be one of those people who I would call "pretentious" in the sense that his usual attitude is "I don't need people who work hard I need people who are actually good." Just for some background information, I'm a second semester MSCS student. I plan to applying to PhD programs abroad this fall so that when I graduate next spring I can start right away. The context of how the title of this post came to be is that Tom usually tells me things like "among your line of batchmates (people who entered the lab the same year) A and B are going to be the ones who shine" (I may be taking this the wrong way but the way he says it seems to imply that I'm not good enough), "I get that you enjoy research, but you really need to ask yourself if you're actually good at it," etc. and last night that really got me thinking. What exactly does it mean to be "good at research?" I asked him the same and he didn't really give me a straightforward answer after I retorted that everybody has their own measures of success. I took a look at this Quora question that's answered by one of my favorite Quora people but I was curious what other people on this subreddit may think. My personal criteria for one to be good at research is to first and foremost actually enjoy it (e.g. enjoy the feeling of realizing how "dumb" one is and enjoy the process of filling in knowledge gaps). I personally don't hold "publish a lot of papers" as a criterion but I've noticed the majority of people do. | fnsakc6 | fnt6n4l | 1,587,217,239 | 1,587,235,631 | 2 | 3 | First, don't worry about Tom, as others have said. What I think makes a good researcher is the following: 1. Motivated 2. Knows how to do a good literature review and find the gap in the literature. 3. Ethical At the end of the day, research is knowing what's been done and knowing what needs to done, then filling that gap or part of that gap or even just attempting to fill the gap. | Apart from a lot of very good points already mentioned here, I think what seperates a great from a good researcher is being able to see possible connections between on first sight different fields or research projects. And then act on them, being able to work interdisciplinary or connect the dots | 0 | 18,392 | 1.5 |
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