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How can I be sure I am praying according to the will of God?

Answer Man’s highest aim should be to bring glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31\), and this includes praying according to His will. First, we must ask for wisdom. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5\). In asking for wisdom, we must also trust that God is gracious and willing to answer our prayers: “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt” (James 1:6; see also Mark 11:24\). So, praying according to the will of God includes asking for wisdom (to know the will of God) and asking in faith (to trust the will of God). Here are seven biblical instructions that will guide the believer in praying according to God’s will: 1\) Pray for the things for which the Bible commands prayer. We are told to pray for our enemies (Matthew 5:44\); for God to send missionaries (Luke 10:2\); that we do not enter temptation (Matthew 26:41\); for ministers of the Word (Colossians 4:3; 2 Thessalonians 3:1\); for government authorities (1 Timothy 2:1\-3\); for relief from affliction (James 5:13\); and for the healing of fellow believers (James 5:16\). Where God commands prayer, we can pray with confidence that we are praying according to His will. 2\) Follow the example of godly characters in Scripture. Paul prayed for the salvation of Israel (Romans 10:1\). David prayed for mercy and forgiveness when he sinned (Psalm 51:1\-2\). The early church prayed for boldness to witness (Acts 4:29\). These prayers were according to the will of God, and similar prayers today can be as well. As with Paul and the early church, we should always be praying for the salvation of others. For ourselves, we should pray as David prayed, always aware of our sin and bringing it before God before it hinders our relationship with Him and thwarts our prayers. 3\) Pray with the right motivation. Selfish motives will not be blessed by God. “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (James 4:3\). We should also pray, not so our lofty words can be heard and we may be seen by others as “spiritual,” but mostly in private and in secret, so that our heavenly Father will hear in private and reward us openly (Matthew 6:5\-6\). 4\) Pray with a spirit of forgiveness toward others (Mark 11:25\). A spirit of bitterness, anger, revenge or hatred toward others will prevent our hearts from praying in total submission to God. Just as we are told not to give offerings to God while there is conflict between ourselves and another Christian (Matthew 5:23\-24\), in the same way God does not want the offering of our prayers until we have reconciled with our brothers and sisters in Christ. 5\) Pray with thanksgiving (Colossians 4:2; Philippians 4:6\-7\). We can always find something to be thankful for, no matter how burdened we are by our wants or needs. The greatest sufferer that lives in this world of redeeming love, and who has the offer of heaven before him, has reason to be grateful to God. 6\) Pray with persistence (Luke 18:1; 1 Thessalonians 5:17\). We should persevere in prayer and not quit or be dejected because we have not received an immediate answer. Part of praying in God’s will is believing that, whether His answer is “yes,” “no,” or “wait,” we accept His judgment, submit to His will, and continue to pray. 7\) Rely on the Spirit of God in prayer. This is a wonderful truth: “We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will” (Romans 8:26\-27\). We have the Spirit’s help in praying. At the times of our deepest depression or sorrow, those times when we feel that we “just cannot pray,” we have the comfort of knowing that the Holy Spirit is actually praying for us! What an amazing God we have! What assurance we have when we seek to walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh! Then we can have confidence that the Holy Spirit will accomplish His work in presenting our prayers to the Father according to His perfect will and timing, and we can rest in the knowledge that He is working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28\).

What is the proper way to pray?

Answer Is it best to pray standing up, sitting down, [kneeling, or bowing down](bowing-kneeling-prayer.html)? Should our hands be open, closed, or lifted up to God? Do our eyes need to be closed when we pray? Is it better to pray in a church building or out in nature? Should we pray in the morning when we get up or at night before we go to bed? Are there certain words we need to say in our prayers? How do we begin our prayers? What is the proper way to close a prayer? These questions, and others, are common questions asked about prayer. What is the proper way to pray? Do any of the above things even matter? Far too often, prayer is viewed as a “magic formula.” Some believe that if we do not say exactly the right things, or pray in the right position, God will not hear and answer our prayer. This is completely unbiblical. God does not answer our prayers based on when we pray, where we are, what position our body is in, or in what order we word our prayers. We are told in 1 John 5:14\-15 to have confidence when we come to God in prayer, knowing He hears us and will grant whatever we ask as long as it is in His will. Similarly, John 14:13\-14 declares, “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” According to these and many other Scriptures, God answers prayer requests based on whether they are asked according to His will and in the name of Jesus (to bring glory to Jesus). So, what is the proper way to pray? Philippians 4:6\-7 tells us to pray without being anxious, to pray about everything, and to pray with thankful hearts. God will answer all such prayers with the gift of His peace in our hearts. The proper way to pray is to pour out our hearts to God, being honest and open with God, as He already knows us better than we know ourselves. We are to present our requests to God, keeping in mind that God knows what is best and will not grant a request that is not His will for us. We are to express our love, gratitude, and worship to God in prayer without worrying about having just the right words to say. God is more interested in the content of our hearts than the eloquence of our words. The closest the Bible comes to giving a “pattern” for prayer is the [Lord’s Prayer](Lords-prayer.html) in Matthew 6:9\-13\. Please understand that the Lord’s Prayer is not a prayer we are to memorize and recite to God. It is an example of the things that should go into a prayer—worship, trust in God, requests, confession, and submission. We are to pray for the things the Lord’s Prayer talks about, using our own words and “customizing” it to our own journey with God. The proper way to pray is to express our hearts to God. Sitting, standing, or kneeling; hands open or closed; eyes opened or closed; in a church, at home, or outside; in the morning or at night—these are all side issues, subject to personal preference, conviction, and appropriateness. God’s desire is for prayer to be a real and personal connection between Himself and us.

What is intercessory prayer?

Answer Quite simply, intercessory prayer is the act of praying on behalf of others. The role of mediator in prayer was prevalent in the Old Testament, in the cases of Abraham, Moses, David, Samuel, Hezekiah, Elijah, Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and Daniel. Christ is pictured in the New Testament as the ultimate intercessor, and because of this, all Christian prayer becomes intercession since it is offered to God through and by Christ. Jesus closed the gap between us and God when He died on the cross. Because of Jesus’ mediation, we can now intercede in prayer on behalf of other Christians or for the lost, asking God to grant their requests according to His will. “For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” (1 Timothy 2:5\). “Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us” (Romans 8:34\). A wonderful model of intercessory prayer is found in Daniel 9\. It has all the elements of true intercessory prayer. It is in response to the Word (v. 2\); characterized by fervency (v. 3\) and self\-denial (v. 4\); identified unselfishly with God’s people (v. 5\); strengthened by confession (v. 5\-15\); dependent on God’s character (vv. 4, 7, 9, 15\); and has as its goal God’s glory (vv. 16\-19\). Like Daniel, Christians are to come to God on behalf of others in a heartbroken and repentant attitude, recognizing their own unworthiness and with a sense of self\-denial. Daniel does not say, “I have a right to demand this out of You, God, because I am one of your special, chosen intercessors.” He says, “I’m a sinner,” and, in effect, “I do not have a right to demand anything.” True intercessory prayer seeks not only to know God’s will and see it fulfilled, but to see it fulfilled whether or not it benefits us and regardless of what it costs us. True intercessory prayer seeks God’s glory, not our own. The following is only a partial list of those for whom we are to offer intercessory prayers: all in authority (1 Timothy 2:2\); ministers (Philippians 1:19\); Jerusalem (Psalm 122:6\); friends (Job 42:8\); fellow countrymen (Romans 10:1\); the sick (James 5:14\); enemies (Jeremiah 29:7\); those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44\); those who forsake us (2 Timothy 4:16\); and all men (1 Timothy 2:1\). There is an erroneous idea in contemporary Christianity that those who offer up intercessory prayers are a special class of “super\-Christians,” called by God to a specific ministry of intercession. The Bible is clear that *all* Christians are called to be intercessors. All Christians have the Holy Spirit in their hearts and, just as He intercedes for us in accordance with God’s will (Romans 8:26\-27\), we are to intercede for one another. This is not a privilege limited to an exclusive Christian elite; this is the command to all. In fact, not to intercede for others is sin. “As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you” (1 Samuel 12:23\). Certainly Peter and Paul, when asking others to intercede for them, did not limit their request to those with a special calling to intercession. “So Peter was kept in prison, but the church was earnestly praying to God for him” (Acts 12:5\). Notice it was the whole church that prayed for him, not just those with a gift of intercession. In Ephesians 6:16\-18, Paul exhorts the Ephesian believers—all of them—on the fundamentals of the Christian life, which includes intercession “on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.” Clearly, intercessory prayer is part of the Christian life for all believers. Further, Paul sought prayer on his behalf from all the Roman believers in Romans 15:30\. He also urged the Colossians to intercede for him in Colossians 4:2\-3\. Nowhere in any biblical request for intercession is there any indication that only a certain group of people could intercede. On the contrary, those who seek others to intercede for them can use all the help they can get! The idea that intercession is the privilege and calling of only some Christians is without biblical basis. Worse, it is a destructive idea that often leads to pride and a sense of superiority. God calls all Christians to be intercessors. It is God’s desire that every believer be active in intercessory prayer. What a wonderful and exalted privilege we have in being able to come boldly before the throne of Almighty God with our prayers and requests!

Is praying the rosary scriptural?

Answer Praying the rosary is promoted within the Catholic Church as a means of strengthening one’s faith, resisting evil, growing spiritually, and generally benefiting society. While some of the prayer of the rosary is scriptural, the whole second half of the “Hail Mary” and portions of the “Hail, Holy Queen” are blatantly unbiblical. While the first part of the Hail Mary is almost a direct quotation from Luke 1:28, there is no scriptural basis for (1\) praying to Mary, (2\) addressing her as “holy,” or (3\) calling her “our life” and “our hope.” Praying the rosary involves giving attributes to Mary that the Bible never gives her. To call Mary “holy”—the Catholic Church teaches that Mary never sinned or had any taint of original sin—is not biblical. The Bible calls all believers “saints,” which can be interpreted as “holy ones,” but Scripture says that the righteousness believers have is the imputed righteousness from Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21\). In this life, no one is yet sanctified from sin in practice (1 John 1:9—2:1\). Jesus is called our Savior repeatedly in Scripture because He saved us from our sin. In Luke 1:47, Mary calls God her “Savior.” Savior from what? A sinless person does not need a Savior. Sinners need a Savior. Mary acknowledged that God was her Savior. Therefore, Mary acknowledged that she was a sinner. Jesus came to save us from our sins (Matthew 1:21\). The Roman Catholic Church claims that Mary was saved from sin differently from everyone else—that she was saved from sin through the [immaculate conception](immaculate-conception.html) (her being conceived free of sin). But is this teaching scriptural? The Roman Catholic Church openly admits that this doctrine is not found in Scripture. When a young man addressed Jesus as “good Master” (Matthew 19:16–17\), Jesus asked why he called Him “good” since there is none good but one, God. Jesus was trying to make the young man aware that he was using the term *good* too loosely. In praying the rosary, Catholics use the term *holy* too loosely. No one, including Mary, is holy but God. This ties in with Romans 3:10–23, Romans 5:12, and countless other passages that stress the fact that in God’s eyes no one measures up. Never is Mary excluded from such all\-encompassing statements. But praying the rosary has an even more basic problem, namely, that much of the prayer is directed to Mary, not to God. We are never told in the Bible whether anyone else in heaven can even hear us. God alone is all\-knowing, all\-powerful, and all\-present. When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He taught them to address their prayers to God the Father. Every example of prayer in the Bible is addressed to God alone. There is never a single example of someone praying to any “saint” or angel or anyone else (besides prayers to false gods). Further, any time that a pious person prostrates himself (in a religious setting) to honor someone else besides God (chiefly to the apostles or angels), he is told to get up, to stop it (Acts 10:25–26; 14:13–16; Matthew 4:10; Revelation 19:10; 22:8–9\). The Roman Catholic Church states that it worships God alone but “venerates” Mary and the saints. What is the difference? A person praying the rosary spends more time calling out to Mary than to God. For every one praise of God in the rosary, there are ten praises of Mary! Praying the rosary also assigns a task to Mary that the Bible never assigns her. Jesus is our Redeemer (Galatians 3:13; 4:4–5; Titus 2:14; 1 Peter 1:18–19; Revelation 5:9\), our heavenly Advocate (1 John 2:1\), and our one and only Mediator (1 Timothy 2:5\). The “Hail, Holy Queen” portion of the rosary prayer calls Mary our “most gracious advocate.” This is a direct contradiction of the clear biblical teaching that only Jesus is our go\-between. Praying the rosary requires Catholics to call upon Mary as the “holy Queen.” The only time in Scripture that the title “Queen of Heaven” is found, the term is used in a negative way (Jeremiah 7:17–19; 44:16–27\). The Bible never pictures Mary as a queen; rather, she calls herself “the Lord’s servant” (Luke 1:38\). She is never given a crown or authority over heaven and earth. Likewise, is it appropriate, while praying the rosary, to call Mary our “life” and “hope”? Again, these are terms that are used of God alone in Scripture (John 1:1–14; Colossians 3:4; 1 Timothy 1:1; Ephesians 2:12; Titus 2:13\). The practice of saying the rosary runs contrary to Scripture in a number of ways. Only God can hear our prayers. Only God can answer our prayers. We have one intermediary (Jesus), and it is in His name we pray, not Mary’s.

What is a Christian?

Answer A dictionary definition of a Christian would be something similar to “a person professing belief in Jesus as the Christ or in the religion based on the teachings of Jesus.” While this is a good starting point, like many dictionary definitions, it falls somewhat short of really communicating the biblical truth of what it means to be a Christian. The word “Christian” is used three times in the New Testament (Acts 11:26; 26:28; 1 Peter 4:16\). Followers of Jesus Christ were first called “Christians” in Antioch (Acts 11:26\) because their behavior, activity, and speech were like Christ. The word “Christian” literally means, “belonging to the party of Christ” or a “follower of Christ.” Unfortunately over time, the word “Christian” has lost a great deal of its significance and is often used of someone who is religious or has high moral values but who may or may not be a true follower of Jesus Christ. Many people who do not believe and trust in Jesus Christ consider themselves Christians simply because they go to church or they live in a “Christian” nation. But going to church, serving those less fortunate than you, or being a good person does not make you a Christian. Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Being a member of a church, attending services regularly, and giving to the work of the church does not make you a Christian. The Bible teaches that the good works we do cannot make us acceptable to God. Titus 3:5 says, “He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.” So, a Christian is someone who has been born again by God (John 3:3; John 3:7; 1 Peter 1:23\) and has put faith and trust in Jesus Christ. Ephesians 2:8 tells us that it is “…by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” A true Christian is a person who has put faith and trust in the person and work of Jesus Christ, including His death on the cross as payment for sins and His resurrection on the third day. John 1:12 tells us, “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” The mark of a true Christian is love for others and obedience to God’s Word (1 John 2:4, 10\). A true Christian is indeed a child of God, a part of God’s true family, and one who has been given new life in Jesus Christ. Have you made a decision for Christ because of what you have read here? If so, please click on the “I have accepted Christ today” button below. If you have any questions, please use the question form on our [Bible Questions Answered](Bible-Questions.html) page.

What does it mean to pray in Jesus’ name?

Answer Prayer in Jesus’ name is taught in John 14:13\-14, “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” Some misapply this verse, thinking that saying “in Jesus’ name” at the end of a prayer results in God’s always granting what is asked for. This is essentially treating the words “in Jesus’ name” as a magic formula. This is absolutely unbiblical. Praying in Jesus’ name means praying with His authority and asking God the Father to act upon our prayers because we come in the name of His Son, Jesus. Praying in Jesus’ name means the same thing as praying according to the will of God, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14\-15\). Praying in Jesus’ name is praying for things that will honor and glorify Jesus. Saying “in Jesus’ name” at the end of a prayer is not a magic formula. If what we ask for or say in prayer is not for God’s glory and according to His will, saying “in Jesus’ name” is meaningless. Genuinely praying in Jesus’ name and for His glory is what is important, not attaching certain words to the end of a prayer. It is not the words in the prayer that matter, but the purpose behind the prayer. Praying for things that are in agreement with God’s will is the essence of praying in Jesus’ name.

How can I know God’s will for my life?

Answer It is important to know God’s will. Jesus said that His true relations are those who know and do the Father’s will: “Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:35\). In the [parable of the two sons](parable-two-sons.html), Jesus rebukes the chief priests and elders for failing to do the will of the Father; specifically, they “did not repent and believe” (Matthew 21:32\). At its most basic, the will of God is to repent of our sin and trust in Christ. If we have not taken that first step, then we have not yet accepted God’s will. Once we receive Christ by faith, we are made God’s children (John 1:12\), and He desires to lead us in His way (Psalm 143:10\). God is not trying to hide His will from us; He wants to reveal it. In fact, He has already given us many, many directions in His Word. We are to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18\). We are to do good works (1 Peter 2:15\). And “it is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality” (1 Thessalonians 4:3\). God’s will is knowable and provable. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” This passage gives us an important sequence: the child of God refuses to be conformed to the world and instead allows himself to be transformed by the Spirit. As his [mind is renewed](renewing-the-mind.html) according to the things of God, *then* he can know God’s perfect will. As we seek God’s will, we should make sure what we are considering is not something the Bible forbids. For example, the Bible forbids stealing; since God has clearly spoken on the issue, we know it is *not* His will for us to be bank robbers—we don’t even need to pray about it. Also, we should make sure what we are considering will glorify God and help us and others grow spiritually. Knowing God’s will is sometimes difficult because it requires patience. It’s natural to want to know all of God’s will at once, but that’s not how He usually works. He reveals to us a step at a time—each move a step of faith—and allows us to continue to trust Him. The important thing is that, as we wait for further direction, we are busy doing the good that we know to do (James 4:17\). Often, we want God to give us specifics—where to work, where to live, whom to marry, what car to buy, etc. God allows us to make choices, and, if we are yielded to Him, He has ways of preventing wrong choices (see Acts 16:6–7\). The better we get to know a person, the more acquainted we become with his or her desires. For example, a child may look across a busy street at the ball that bounced away, but he doesn’t run after it, because he knows “my dad wouldn’t want me to do that.” He doesn’t have to ask his father for advice on every particular situation; he knows what his father would say because he knows his father. The same is true in our relationship to God. As we walk with the Lord, obeying His Word and relying on His Spirit, we find that we are given the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16\). We know Him, and that helps us to know His will. We find God’s guidance readily available. “The righteousness of the blameless makes their paths straight, / but the wicked are brought down by their own wickedness” (Proverbs 11:5\). If we are walking closely with the Lord and truly desiring His will for our lives, God will place His desires in our hearts. The key is wanting God’s will, not our own. “Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4\).

What are some hindrances to a potent prayer life?

Answer The most obvious hindrance to a potent prayer life is the presence of unconfessed sins in the heart of the one who is praying. Because our God is holy, there is a barrier that exists between Him and us when we come to Him with unconfessed sin in our lives. “But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear” (Isaiah 59:2\). David concurred, knowing from experience that God is far from those who try to hide their sin: “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened” (Psalm 66:18\). The Bible refers to several areas of sin that are hindrances to effective prayer. First, when we are living according to the flesh, rather than in the Spirit, our desire to pray and our ability to effectively communicate with God are hindered. Although we receive a new nature when we are born again, that new nature still resides in our old flesh, and that old “tent” is corrupt and sinful. The flesh can gain control of our actions, attitudes, and motives unless we are diligent to “put to death the deeds of the body” (Romans 8:13\) and be led by the Spirit in a right relationship with God. Only then will we be able to pray in close communion with Him. One way living in the flesh manifests itself is in selfishness, another hindrance to effective prayer. When our prayers are selfishly motivated, when we ask God for what we want rather than for what He wants, our motives hinder our prayers. “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us” (1 John 5:14\). Asking according to God’s will is the same as asking in submission to whatever His will may be, whether or not we know what that will is. As in all things, Jesus is to be our example in prayer. He always prayed in the will of His Father: “Yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42\). Selfish prayers are always those that are intended to gratify our own selfish desires, and we should not expect God to respond to such prayers. “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” (James 4:3\). Living according to selfish, fleshly desires will also hinder our prayers because it produces a hardness of heart toward others. If we are indifferent to the needs of others, we can expect God to be indifferent to our needs. When we go to God in prayer, our first concern should be His will. The second should be the needs of others. This stems from the understanding that we are to consider others better than ourselves and be concerned about their interests over and above our own (Philippians 2:3\-4\). A major hindrance to effective prayer is a spirit of unforgiveness toward others. When we refuse to forgive others, a root of bitterness grows up in our hearts and chokes our prayers. How can we expect God to pour out His blessings upon us undeserving sinners if we harbor hatred and bitterness toward others? This principle is beautifully illustrated in the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23\-35\. This story teaches that God has forgiven us a debt that is beyond measure (our sin), and He expects us to forgive others as we have been forgiven. To refuse to do so will hinder our prayers. Another major hindrance to effective prayer is unbelief and doubt. This does not mean, as some suggest, that because we come to God convinced that He will grant our requests, He is somehow obligated to do so. Praying without doubt means praying in the secure belief and understanding of God’s character, nature, and motives. “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (Hebrews 11:6\). When we come to God in prayer, doubting His character, purpose, and promises, we insult Him terribly. Our confidence must be in His ability to grant any request that is in accordance with His will and purpose for our lives. We must pray with the understanding that whatever He purposes is the best possible scenario. “But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double\-minded man, unstable in all he does” (James 1:6\-7\). Finally, discord in the home is a definite obstacle to prayer. Peter specifically mentions this as a hindrance to the prayers of a husband whose attitude toward his wife is less than godly. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7\). Where there is a serious conflict in family relationships and the head of the household is not demonstrating the attitudes Peter mentions, the husband’s prayer communication with God is hindered. Likewise, wives are to follow the biblical principles of submission to their husbands’ headship if their own prayers are not to be hindered (Ephesians 5:22\-24\). Fortunately, all these prayer hindrances can be dealt with at once by coming to God in prayers of confession and repentance. We are assured in 1 John 1:9 that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Once we have done that, we enjoy a clear and open channel of communication with God, and our prayers will not only be heard and answered, but we will also be filled with a deep sense of joy.

Christian fasting - what does the Bible say?

Answer Scripture does not command Christians to fast. God does not require or demand it of Christians. At the same time, the Bible presents fasting as something that is good, profitable, and beneficial. The book of Acts records believers fasting before they made important decisions (Acts 13:2; 14:23\). Fasting and prayer are often linked together (Luke 2:37; 5:33\). Too often, the focus of fasting is on the lack of food. Instead, the purpose of fasting should be to take your eyes off the things of this world to focus completely on God. Fasting is a way to demonstrate to God, and to ourselves, that we are serious about our relationship with Him. Fasting helps us gain a new perspective and a renewed reliance upon God. Although fasting in Scripture is almost always a fasting from food, there are other ways to fast. Anything given up temporarily in order to focus all our attention on God can be considered a fast (1 Corinthians 7:1\-5\). Fasting should be limited to a set time, especially when fasting from food. Extended periods of time without eating can be harmful to the body. Fasting is not intended to punish the flesh, but to redirect attention to God. Fasting should not be considered a “dieting method” either. The purpose of a biblical fast is not to lose weight, but rather to gain deeper fellowship with God. Anyone can fast, but some may not be able to fast from food (diabetics, for example). Everyone can temporarily give up something in order to draw closer to God. By taking our eyes off the things of this world, we can more successfully turn our attention to Christ. Fasting is not a way to get God to do what we want. Fasting changes us, not God. Fasting is not a way to appear more spiritual than others. Fasting is to be done in a spirit of humility and a joyful attitude. Matthew 6:16\-18 declares, “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

What is Christian discipleship?

Answer By definition, a disciple is a follower, one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another. A Christian disciple is a person who follows Jesus Christ and accepts and assists in the spreading of the good news of salvation through Him. Christian discipleship is the process by which disciples grow in the Lord Jesus Christ and are equipped by the [indwelling Holy Spirit](indwelling-of-the-Holy-Spirit.html) to overcome the pressures and trials of this present life and become more and more Christlike. This process requires believers to respond to the Holy Spirit’s prompting to examine their thoughts, words, and actions and compare them with the Word of God. This requires that we be in the Word daily—studying it, praying over it, and obeying it. In addition, we should always be ready to give testimony of the reason for the hope that is within us (1 Peter 3:15\) and to disciple others to walk in His way. According to Scripture, being a Christian disciple involves personal growth characterized by the following: **1\. Putting Jesus first in all things (Mark 8:34–38\).** The disciple of Christ needs to be set apart from the world. Our focus should be on our Lord and how to please Him in every area of our lives. We must put off self\-centeredness and put on Christ\-centeredness. **2\. Following Jesus’ teachings (John 8:31–32\).** We must be obedient children and doers of the Word (James 1:22\). Obedience is the supreme test of faith in God (1 Samuel 28:18\). Jesus said, “Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me” (John 14:21\). Jesus is also the perfect example of obedience as He lived a life on earth of complete obedience to the Father even to the point of death (Philippians 2:6–8\). **3\. Bearing fruit (John 15:5–8\).** Christian disciples should live [fruitful lives](fruitful-Christian.html), displaying the fruit of the Spirit, good works, and “the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Hebrews 12:11\). Technically, producing fruit is not our job; our job is to abide in Christ, and the fruit will come (John 15:1–8\). God’s goal is that we produce “much fruit” (verse 8\), as Christ uses us to bring about blessed change in a broken, fallen world. **4\. Loving other disciples (John 13:34–35\).** Love of other believers is an evidence of our being a member of God’s family (1 John 3:10\). Love is described in 1 Corinthians 13:1–13\. These verses show us that love is not an emotion; it is action. In order to love, we must be doing something and involved in the process. One way to show love is to think more highly of others than of ourselves and to look out for their interests (Philippians 2:3–4\). Another way to show love is to be patient and [not take offense](love-covers-multitude-sins.html) at every provocation (1 Peter 4:8\). **5\. Making disciples of others (Matthew 28:18–20\).** Disciples multiply. One of the last things Jesus said to His disciples before His ascension was the command to “go and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19\). This involves evangelism—sharing the gospel and urging people to repent and believe in Christ—but it also involves discipleship. Christians should be actively engaged in training people who will in turn train others. That’s the pattern we see in Jesus’ ministry: He trained eleven men who spent the rest of their lives as disciple\-makers, training others to also become disciple\-makers, and so on. We see this pattern also in 2 Timothy 2:2\. A Christian disciple is one who puts Jesus first, obeys the Lord, produces good fruit, loves others, and makes more disciples. Such a one is sure to make an impact in this fallen world for the glory of God.

What does the Bible mean when it says, “Do not judge”?

Answer Jesus’ command not to judge others could be the most widely quoted of His sayings, even though it is almost invariably quoted in complete disregard of its context. Here is Jesus’ statement: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1\). Many people use this verse in an attempt to silence their critics, interpreting Jesus’ meaning as “You don’t have the right to tell me I’m wrong.” Taken in isolation, Jesus’ command “Do not judge” does indeed seem to preclude all negative assessments. However, there is much more to the passage than those three words. The Bible’s command that we not judge others does not mean we cannot show discernment. Immediately after Jesus says, “Do not judge,” He says, “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs” (Matthew 7:6\). A little later in the same sermon, He says, “Watch out for false prophets. . . . By their fruit you will recognize them” (verses 15–16\). How are we to discern who are the “dogs” and “pigs” and “[false prophets](false-teachers.html)” unless we have the ability to make a judgment call on doctrines and deeds? Jesus is giving us permission to tell right from wrong. Also, the Bible’s command that we not judge others does not mean all actions are equally moral or that truth is relative. The Bible clearly teaches that truth is objective, eternal, and inseparable from God’s character. Anything that contradicts the truth is a lie—but, of course, to call something a “lie” is to pass judgment. To call adultery or murder a sin is likewise to pass judgment—but it’s also to agree with God. When Jesus said not to judge others, He did not mean that no one can identify sin for what it is, based on God’s definition of *sin*. And the Bible’s command that we not judge others does not mean there should be no mechanism for dealing with sin. The Bible has a whole book entitled [Judges](Book-of-Judges.html). The judges in the Old Testament were raised up by God Himself (Judges 2:18\). The modern judicial system, including its judges, is a necessary part of society. In saying, “Do not judge,” Jesus was not saying, “Anything goes.” Elsewhere, Jesus gives a direct command to judge: “Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly” (John 7:24\). Here we have a clue as to the right type of judgment versus the wrong type. Taking this verse and some others, we can put together a description of the sinful type of judgment: *Superficial* judgment is wrong. Passing judgment on someone based solely on appearances is sinful (John 7:24\). It is foolish to jump to conclusions before investigating the facts (Proverbs 18:13\). [Simon the Pharisee](Simon-the-Pharisee.html) passed judgment on a woman based on her appearance and reputation, but he could not see that the woman had been forgiven; Simon thus drew Jesus’ rebuke for his unrighteous judgment (Luke 7:36–50\). *Hypocritical* judgment is wrong. Jesus’ command not to judge others in Matthew 7:1 is preceded by comparisons to hypocrites (Matthew 6:2, 5, 16\) and followed by a warning against hypocrisy (Matthew 7:3–5\). When we point out the sin of others while we ourselves commit the same sin, we condemn ourselves (Romans 2:1\). *Harsh, unforgiving* judgment is wrong. We are “always to be gentle toward everyone” (Titus 3:2\). It is the merciful who will be shown mercy (Matthew 5:7\), and, as Jesus warned, “In the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Matthew 7:2\). *Self\-righteous* judgment is wrong. We are called to humility, and “God opposes the proud” (James 4:6\). In Jesus’ [parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector](parable-Pharisee-tax-collector.html), the Pharisee was confident in his own righteousness and from that proud position judged the publican; however, God sees the heart and refused to forgive the Pharisee’s sin (Luke 18:9–14\). *Untrue* judgment is wrong. The Bible clearly forbids bearing false witness (Proverbs 19:5\). “Slander no one” (Titus 3:2\). Christians are often accused of “judging” or intolerance when they speak out against sin. But opposing sin is not wrong. Holding aloft the standard of righteousness naturally defines unrighteousness and draws the slings and arrows of those who choose sin over godliness. [John the Baptist](life-John-Baptist.html) incurred the ire of Herodias when he spoke out against her adultery with Herod (Mark 6:18–19\). She eventually silenced John, but she could not silence the truth (Isaiah 40:8\). Believers are warned against judging others unfairly or unrighteously, but Jesus commends “right judgment” (John 7:24, ESV). We are to be discerning (Colossians 1:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:21\). We are to preach the whole counsel of God, including the Bible’s teaching on sin (Acts 20:27; 2 Timothy 4:2\). We are to gently confront erring brothers or sisters in Christ (Galatians 6:1\). We are to practice church discipline (Matthew 18:15–17\). We are to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15\).

Do Christians have to obey the Old Testament law?

Answer The key to understanding the relationship between the Christian and the Law is knowing that the Old Testament law was given to the nation of Israel, not to Christians. Some of the laws were to reveal to the Israelites how to obey and please God (the Ten Commandments, for example). Some of the laws were to show the Israelites how to worship God and atone for sin (the sacrificial system). Some of the laws were intended to make the Israelites distinct from other nations (the food and clothing rules). None of the Old Testament law is binding on Christians today. When Jesus died on the cross, He put an end to the Old Testament law (Romans 10:4; Galatians 3:23–25; Ephesians 2:15\). In place of the Old Testament law, Christians are under the [law of Christ](law-of-Christ.html) (Galatians 6:2\), which is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…and to love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37\-39\). If we obey those two commands, we will be fulfilling all that Christ requires of us: “All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:40\). Now, this does not mean the Old Testament law is irrelevant today. Many of the commands in the Old Testament law fall into the categories of “loving God” and “loving your neighbor.” The Old Testament law can be a good guidepost for knowing how to love God and knowing what goes into loving your neighbor. At the same time, to say that the Old Testament law applies to Christians today is incorrect. The Old Testament law is a unit (James 2:10\). Either all of it applies, or none of it applies. If Christ fulfilled some of it, such as the sacrificial system, He fulfilled all of it. “This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (1 John 5:3\). The Ten Commandments were essentially a summary of the entire Old Testament law. [Nine of the Ten Commandments are clearly repeated in the New Testament](Ten-Commandments-New-Testament.html) (all except the command to observe the Sabbath day). Obviously, if we are loving God, we will not be worshiping false gods or bowing down before idols. If we are loving our neighbors, we will not be murdering them, lying to them, committing adultery against them, or coveting what belongs to them. The purpose of the Old Testament law is to convict people of our inability to keep the law and point us to our need for Jesus Christ as Savior (Romans 7:7\-9; Galatians 3:24\). The Old Testament law was never intended by God to be the universal law for all people for all of time. We are to love God and love our neighbors. If we obey those two commands faithfully, we will be upholding all that God requires of us.

How can I overcome temptation?

Answer The Scriptures tell us that we all face temptations. First Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man.” Perhaps this provides a little encouragement as we often feel that the world is bearing in on us alone, and that others are immune to temptations. We are told that Christ was also tempted: “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15\). Where, then, do these temptations come from? First of all, they do not come from God, although He does allow them. James 1:13 says, “For God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.” In the first chapter of Job, we see that God allowed Satan to tempt Job, but with restrictions. Satan is roaming on the earth like a lion, seeking people to devour (1 Peter 5:8\). Verse 9 tells us to resist him, knowing that other Christians are also experiencing his attacks. By these passages we can know that temptations come from Satan. We see in James 1:14 that temptation originates in us as well. We are tempted when we are “carried away and enticed by our own lust” (verse 14\). We allow ourselves to think certain thoughts, allow ourselves to go places we should not go, and make decisions based on our lusts that lead us into the temptation. How then do we resist the temptations? First of all, we must return to the example of Jesus being tempted in the wilderness by Satan in Matthew 4:1\-11\. Each of Satan’s temptations was met with the same answer: “It is written,” followed by Scripture. If the Son of God used the Word of God to effectively end the temptations—which we know works because after three failed efforts, “the Devil left him” (v. 11\)—how much more do we need to use it to resist our own temptations? All our efforts to resist will be weak and ineffective unless they are powered by the Holy Spirit through the constant reading, studying, and meditating on the Word. In this way, we will be “transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2\). There is no other weapon against temptation except the “sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God” (Ephesians 6:17\). Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” If our minds are filled with the latest TV shows, music, and all the rest the culture has to offer, we will be bombarded with messages and images that inevitably lead to sinful lusts. But if our minds are filled with the majesty and holiness of God, the love and compassion of Christ, and the brilliance of both reflected in His perfect Word, we will find that our interest in the lusts of the world diminish and disappear. But without the Word’s influence on our minds, we are open to anything Satan wants to throw at us. Here, then, is the only means to guard our hearts and minds in order to keep the sources of temptation away from us. Remember the words of Christ to His disciples in the garden on the night of His betrayal: “Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41\). Most Christians would not openly want to jump into sin, yet we cannot resist falling into it because our flesh is not strong enough to resist. We place ourselves in situations or fill our minds with lustful passions, and that leads us into sin. We need to renew our thinking as we are told in Romans 12:1\-2\. We must no longer think as the world thinks or walk in the same way that the world walks. Proverbs 4:14\-15 tells us, “Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not proceed in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not pass by; Turn away from it and pass on.” We need to avoid the path of the world that leads us into temptation because our flesh is weak. We are easily carried away by our own lusts. Matthew 5:29 has some excellent advice. “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw if from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” That sounds severe! Sin is severe! Jesus is not saying that we literally need to remove body parts. Cutting out the eye is a drastic measure, and Jesus is teaching us that if necessary, a drastic measure should be taken to avoid sin.

Should we tithe off our gross or net income?

Answer The tithe is an Old Testament concept. The tithe was a requirement of the law in which all Israelites were to give 10 percent of everything they earned—or the crops and animals they grew—to the tabernacle or temple (Leviticus 27:30; Numbers 18:26; Deuteronomy 14:24; 2 Chronicles 31:5\). Believers in Christ are not commanded to give 10 percent of their income. Christians should diligently pray and seek God’s wisdom as to how much they should give (James 1:5\). Many people believe that the Old Testament tithe is a good principle for believers to follow. Giving 10 percent of your income back to God demonstrates your thankfulness to Him for what He has provided and helps you to remember to rely on God instead of on riches. The Bible does not specifically say whether we should give 10 percent of our gross or net income. The Old Testament teaches the principle of firstfruits (Exodus 23:16; 34:22; Leviticus 2:12\-14; 2 Chronicles 31:5\). Old Testament believers gave from the best of their crops, not the leftovers. The same principle could apply to our giving today. Again, a believer should give what he believes God would have him give. It all goes back to the attitude of the heart. Are we giving out of reverence for God or out of selfishness for our own wealth? “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7\).

How can I know when God is telling me to do something?

Answer Pray, especially when you’re unsure of God’s will for your life. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5\). “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him” (Psalm 37:7\). If you don’t know what to pray, you can always personalize and pray verses such as, “Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul” (Psalm 143:8\) and, “Guide me in Your truth and teach me” (Psalm 25:5\). The primary way God commands us is through His Word. “All Scripture is God\-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16\). If Scripture commands something of us, there’s no need to hesitate and wonder if it’s really God’s will for us. He cares so much about us that He already gave a plain and clear guidebook to life – the Bible. “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Psalm 119:105\). “The Law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple” (Psalm 19:7\). “How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your Word” (Psalm 119:9\). Likewise, God never contradicts Himself, so He’ll never ask you to do something contradictory to Scripture. He will never ask you to sin. He will never ask you to do something Jesus Christ wouldn’t do. We need to immerse ourselves in the Bible, so we will know which actions meet God’s standards. “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth: meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything that is written in it” (Joshua 1:8\). Christians also have the Holy Spirit to discern what is, or is not, God’s will for our lives. “The Spirit of truth . . . will guide you into all truth” (John 16:13\). Sometimes the Holy Spirit will either agitate our conscience if we’re making a wrong decision, or He will pacify and encourage us when we’re leaning toward the right decision. Even if He doesn’t intervene in such noticeable ways, we can have confidence that He’s always in charge. Sometimes God will alter a situation without us even realizing He has acted. “The Lord will guide you always” (Isaiah 58:11\). If God is calling you to take a [leap of faith](leap-of-faith.html), be encouraged by His presence. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9\). And remember, “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7\). “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5\-6\). What we are not to do is expect to hear voices from God. There is a dangerous trend today where people seek to hear a “word from the Lord,” extraneous to what He has already given us in the Bible. “The Lord told me . . .” has become the mantra of experience\-driven Christianity. Unfortunately, what He “tells” one person often contradicts what He “tells” another, and these extra\-biblical revelations have proven to be very divisive, tearing apart church after church as one person’s experience seeks to take precedence over another’s. This results in chaos, benefiting no one except Satan, who loves to sow discord among believers. We should make the apostle Peter our example in these matters. In spite of the miraculous experience on the Mount of Transfiguration, where he beheld the glorified Christ speaking with Moses and Elijah, Peter refused to rely on that experience, declaring instead that “We have the prophetic word confirmed, which you do well to heed as a light that shines in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts” (2 Peter 1:18\-19, NKJV).

What is true worship?

Answer The apostle Paul described true worship perfectly in Romans 12:1\-2: “I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable, or well pleasing and perfect.” This passage contains all the elements of true worship. First, there is the motivation to worship: “the mercies of God.” God’s mercies are everything He has given us that we don’t deserve: eternal love, eternal grace, the Holy Spirit, everlasting peace, eternal joy, saving faith, comfort, strength, wisdom, hope, patience, kindness, honor, glory, righteousness, security, eternal life, forgiveness, reconciliation, justification, sanctification, freedom, intercession and much more. The knowledge and understanding of these incredible gifts motivate us to pour forth praise and thanksgiving—in other words, worship! Also in the passage is a description of the manner of our worship: “present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice.” Presenting our bodies means giving to God all of ourselves. The reference to our bodies here means all our human faculties, all of our humanness—our hearts, minds, hands, thoughts, attitudes—are to be presented to God. In other words, we are to give up control of these things and turn them over to Him, just as a literal sacrifice was given totally to God on the altar. But how? Again, the passage is clear: “by the renewing of your mind.” We renew our minds daily by cleansing them of the world’s “wisdom” and replacing it with true wisdom that comes from God. We worship Him with our renewed and cleansed minds, not with our emotions. Emotions are wonderful things, but unless they are shaped by a mind saturated in Truth, they can be destructive, out\-of\-control forces. Where the mind goes, the will follows, and so do the emotions. First Corinthians 2:16 tells us we have “the mind of Christ,” not the emotions of Christ. There is only one way to renew our minds, and that is by the Word of God. It is the truth, the knowledge of the Word of God, which is to say the knowledge of the mercies of God, and we’re back where we began. To know the truth, to believe the truth, to hold convictions about the truth, and to love the truth will naturally result in true spiritual worship. It is conviction followed by affection, affection that is a response to truth, not to any external stimuli, including music. Music as such has nothing to do with worship. Music can’t produce worship, although it certainly can produce emotion. Music is not the origin of worship, but it can be the expression of it. Do not look to music to induce your worship; look to music as simply an expression of that which is induced by a heart that is rapt by the mercies of God, obedient to His commands. True worship is God\-centered worship. People tend to get caught up in where they should worship, what music they should sing in worship, and how their worship looks to other people. Focusing on these things misses the point. Jesus tells us that true worshipers will worship God in spirit and in truth (John 4:24\). This means we worship from the heart and the way God has designed. Worship can include praying, reading God’s Word with an open heart, singing, participating in communion, and serving others. It is not limited to one act, but is done properly when the heart and attitude of the person are in the right place. It’s also important to know that worship is reserved only for God. Only He is worthy and not any of His servants (Revelation 19:10\). We are not to worship saints, prophets, statues, angels, any false gods, or Mary, the mother of Jesus. We also should not be worshiping for the expectation of something in return, such as a miraculous healing. Worship is done for God—because He deserves it—and for His pleasure alone. Worship can be public praise to God (Psalm 22:22; 35:18\) in a congregational setting, where we can proclaim through prayer and praise our adoration and thankfulness to Him and what He has done for us. True worship is felt inwardly and then is expressed through our actions. "Worshiping" out of obligation is displeasing to God and is completely in vain. He can see through all the hypocrisy, and He hates it. He demonstrates this in Amos 5:21\-24 as He talks about coming judgment. Another example is the story of Cain and Abel, the first sons of Adam and Eve. They both brought gift offerings to the Lord, but God was only pleased with Abel’s. Cain brought the gift out of obligation; Abel brought his finest lambs from his flock. He brought out of faith and admiration for God. True worship is not confined to what we do in church or open praise (although these things are both good, and we are told in the Bible to do them). True worship is the acknowledgment of God and all His power and glory in everything we do. The highest form of praise and worship is obedience to Him and His Word. To do this, we must know God; we cannot be ignorant of Him (Acts 17:23\). Worship is to glorify and exalt God—to show our loyalty and admiration to our Father.

How can believers be in the world, but not of the world?

Answer When we read of the "world" in the New Testament, we are reading the Greek word *cosmos*. *Cosmos* most often refers to the inhabited earth and the people who live on the earth, which functions apart from God. Satan is the ruler of this "cosmos" (John 12:31; 16:11; 1 John 5:19\). By the simple definition that the word *world* refers to a world system ruled by Satan, we can more readily appreciate Christ’s claims that believers are no longer of the world—we are no longer ruled by sin, nor are we bound by the principles of the world. In addition, we are being changed into the image of Christ, causing our interest in the things of the world to become less and less as we mature in Christ. Believers in Jesus Christ are simply in the world—physically present—but not of it, not part of its values (John 17:14\-15\). As believers, we should be set apart from the world. This is the meaning of being holy and living a holy, righteous life—to be set apart. We are not to engage in the sinful activities the world promotes, nor are we to retain the insipid, corrupt mind that the world creates. Rather, we are to conform ourselves, and our minds, to that of Jesus Christ (Romans 12:1\-2\). This is a daily activity and commitment. We must also understand that being in the world, but not of it, is necessary if we are to be a light to those who are in spiritual darkness. We are to live in such a way that those outside the faith see our good deeds and our manner and know that there is something “different” about us. Christians who make every effort to live, think and act like those who do not know Christ do Him a great disservice. Even the heathen knows that “by their fruits you shall know them,” and as Christians, we should exhibit the fruit of the Spirit within us. Being “in” the world also means we can enjoy the things of the world, such as the beautiful creation God has given us, but we are not to immerse ourselves in what the world values, nor are we to chase after worldly pleasures. Pleasure is no longer our calling in life, as it once was, but rather the worship of God.

Does our tithe all have to go to our church or can part of it go to a Christian ministry?

Answer This is a difficult issue to discern biblically because the Bible does not mention “special offerings” for Christian causes or parachurch Christian ministries. The Bible simply tells us to give to the Lord (1 Corinthians 16:2; 2 Corinthians 9:7\). Yes, most definitely, we should be giving to the church we attend, serve at, and worship in! If a Christian believes the Lord is leading him to give 10%, does that entire 10% have to go to the church, or can it be split between the church and other Christian purposes? Sadly, the answer to this question usually breaks down based on who is responding. Churches / pastors will usually teach that the full 10% should go to the church, and any other Christian giving should be above and beyond the 10%. Christian ministries and causes usually teach that the 10% figure for giving can be divided between churches and ministries according to the Lord’s leading. So, which view is correct? Even as a parachurch ministry, GotQuestions.org holds that a believer’s primary giving should be to his/her local church with any "additional offerings" to other Christian causes. We do not believe, though, that a believer is legalistically required to give 10% or any other set amount (see [Christian Tithing](tithing-Christian.html)). The Bible instructs believers in Christ to give generously, to give cheerfully, and to give regularly. There is no biblical formula for how to split a tithe between a church and another Christian organization. If a Christian believes the tithe is binding on believers today, the 10% should go to the church (based on the storehouse principle of Malachi 3:10\). Further, if a believer prayerfully decides to give 10% in offerings, we believe he/she can give as the Spirit leads him/her; i.e., 8% to their church and 2% to other Christian causes. What matters is that believers make sacrificial financial offerings to God’s work, wherever and in whatever way He leads. Believers should pray for wisdom in regard to how much and to whom God would have them make their offerings.

What is the full armor of God?

Answer The phrase “full armor of God” comes from Ephesians 6:13\-17: “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:12 clearly indicates that the conflict with Satan is spiritual, and therefore no tangible weapons can be effectively employed against him and his minions. We are not given a list of specific tactics Satan will use. However, the passage is quite clear that when we follow all the instructions faithfully, we will be able to stand, and we will have victory regardless of Satan’s strategy. The first element of our armor is truth (Ephesians 6:14\). This belt immediately sets the believer apart from the world, since Satan is the “father of lies” (John 8:44\). Deception is high on the list of things God considers to be an abomination. A “lying tongue” is one of the things He describes as “detestable to Him” (Proverbs 6:16\-17\). We are therefore exhorted to put on truth for our own sanctification and deliverance, as well as for the benefit of those to whom we witness. Also in verse 14, we are told to put on the [breastplate of righteousness](breastplate-of-righteousness.html). A breastplate shielded a warrior’s vital organs from blows that would otherwise be fatal. This righteousness is not works of righteousness done by men. Rather, this is the righteousness of Christ, imputed by God and received by faith, which guards our hearts against the accusations and charges of Satan and secures our innermost being from his attacks. Verse 15 speaks of the preparation of the feet for spiritual conflict. In warfare, sometimes an enemy places dangerous obstacles in the path of advancing soldiers. The idea of the preparation of the [gospel of peace](gospel-of-peace.html) is that we need to advance into Satan’s territory, aware that there will be traps. The message of grace is essential to winning souls to Christ, and we must be prepared with the gospel. Satan has many obstacles placed in the path to halt the propagation of the gospel. The [shield of faith](shield-of-faith.html) in verse 16 “can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” When we bear the shield of faith, Satan can cast all the aspersions, doubt, and dismay he wants, but they will be ineffective. Our faith—of which Christ is “the author and perfecter” (Hebrews 12:2\)—is like a shield, solid and substantial. The [helmet of salvation](helmet-of-salvation.html) in verse 17 is protection for the head, keeping safe a critical part of the body. We could say that our way of thinking needs preservation. The head is the seat of the mind, which, when it has laid hold of the sure hope of eternal life, will not receive false doctrine or give way to Satan’s temptations. The unsaved person has no hope of warding off the blows of false doctrine because he is without the helmet of salvation and his mind is incapable of discerning between spiritual truth and spiritual deception. Verse 17 interprets the sword of the Spirit as the Word of God. While all the other pieces of spiritual armor are for defense, the sword of the Spirit allows us to take the offense. The sword analogy speaks of the holiness and power of the Word of God. There is no greater spiritual weapon. In Jesus’ temptations in the desert, the Word of God was always His overpowering response to Satan. What a blessing that the same Word is available to us! In verse 18, we are told to pray in the Spirit (that is, with the mind of Christ, with His heart and His priorities) in addition to wearing the full armor of God. We cannot neglect prayer, as it is the means by which we draw spiritual strength from God. Without prayer, without reliance upon God, our efforts at spiritual warfare are empty and futile. The full armor of God—truth, righteousness, the gospel, faith, salvation, the Word of God, and prayer—are the tools God has given us, through which we can be spiritually victorious. Satan is a defeated foe.

Do Christians have the authority to rebuke the devil?

Answer There are some Christians who believe they not only have the authority to rebuke the devil, but that they also must be about the business of continually rebuking him. There is no biblical basis for such a belief. Satan, unlike God, is not omnipresent. He can only be in one place at a time, and the likelihood of his personally harassing individual Christians is miniscule. Of course, he has legions of demons who do his bidding, and they are everywhere seeking to destroy believers’ testimonies. It should be noted here that the Christian cannot be possessed by a demon in the same way people in the Bible are described as being possessed. As Christians, we need to be aware of the reality of the presence of evil. As we struggle to stand firm in our faith, we must realize that our enemies are not merely human ideas, but real forces that come from the powers of darkness. The Bible says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12\). Clearly, God has allowed Satan significant amounts of power and influence over the earth, at least for now, and always within God’s sovereign control. The Bible tells us that Satan prowls around like a lion in search of prey, looking for victims to devour (1 Peter 5:8\). Satan is the power at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God (Ephesians 2:2\). Anyone who is not under the control of the sovereign God is under the control of the devil (Acts 26:18; 2 Corinthians 4:4\). Born\-again Christians are no longer enslaved to Satan or to sin (Romans 6:6\-7\), but this does not mean we are immune to the temptations that he puts before us. The Bible does not give Christians the authority to rebuke the devil, but to resist him. James 4:7 says to "submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." Zechariah 3:2 tells us that it is the Lord who rebukes Satan. Even Michael, one of the most powerful of the angels, did not dare to accuse Satan, but rather said, "The Lord rebuke you" (Jude 1:9\). In response to Satan’s attacks, a Christian should appeal to Christ. Instead of focusing on defeating the devil, we should focus on following Christ (Hebrews 12:2\) and trust that He will defeat the forces of evil. It is not necessary for a Christian to rebuke Satan because God has given us His full armor to stand against evil (see Ephesians 6:10\-18\). The most effective weapons we have against the devil are our faith, wisdom, and knowledge about God and His Word. Christ, when tempted by Satan, answered him with Scripture (see Matthew 4:1\-11\). To gain victory in spiritual matters, we must maintain a clear conscience and have control over our thoughts. "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:3\-5\).

Is it right for a Christian to date or marry a non-Christian?

Answer For a Christian to marry a non\-Christian is not really an option if the Christian is to remain obedient to the Lord. For a Christian to date a non\-Christian is less problematic, but still unwise, given that the ultimate intent of [dating](dating-courting.html) is to find a marriage partner. A Christian considering marriage has some clear guidance in 2 Corinthians 6:14, which says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” The imagery comes straight from the farm: if two incompatible animals are sharing the same yoke, they will be constantly working against each other. It’s much better to yoke similar animals. The illustration has a spiritual application: two people united in some way and working closely together should be of like nature and share similar spiritual goals. It won’t do to tie oneself to an unbeliever and expect good results. To be fair to the text, 2 Corinthians 6 does not specifically mention marriage, but it certainly has implications for marriage. What closer yoke can there be than the marriage bond? For a Christian to knowingly enter a marriage union with an unbeliever is to be “unequally yoked,” to use the ESV’s wording. Instead of a match made in heaven, it will be a mismatch made on earth. The same passage pointedly asks, “What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” (2 Corinthians 6:15\). So, what about a Christian *dating* a non\-Christian? They aren’t being “yoked together,” so the command of 2 Corinthians 6:14 would not seem to apply. However, there are other considerations: First, for a Christian to date a non\-Christian is inadvisable because of the purpose of dating. If, as mentioned, dating is the precursor of marriage, then dating a non\-Christian would be a dead\-end relationship, romantically. With no biblical marriage possible, a Christian would have no reason to date a non\-Christian. If you don’t want to catch a fish, don’t throw your line in the water. Second, matters of the heart have a way of blinding us to other priorities. We see this in the lives of Samson, who, for all his strength, kept falling in love with the wrong women (Judges 14:1–3; 16:4\); and King Solomon, who, for all his wisdom, allowed himself to be swayed into sinful behavior (1 Kings 11:4\). Romantic attachment is a powerful force, and it can overwhelm sound judgment and godly commitment. Third, the Bible says, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’” (1 Corinthians 15:33\). Of course, not all non\-Christians can be called “bad company” in that not all exert an overtly negative influence. But there’s an underlying spiritual principle always at work: light and darkness do not mix (2 Corinthians 6:14\). The unbeliever is “darkness,” and the believer is “light in the Lord.” We are called to “live as children of light” (Ephesians 5:8\). At the very least, the believer and unbeliever will probably have different views of what dating should be. Having any kind of close, romantic relationship with an unbeliever invites trouble and carries the risk of turning into something that hinders one’s walk with Christ. Some Christians engage in “[missionary dating](missionary-dating.html),” which is a Christian dating a non\-Christian with the goal of leading that person to faith in Christ. Evangelizing someone is a noble goal, and there are doubtless cases in which individuals have been saved through missionary dating, but it’s not really the goal of a dating relationship. For the three reasons discussed above, missionary dating is not a good idea. Deciding whether to date a non\-Christian is not just a relational choice; there are spiritual choices to be made, as well, regarding an uncompromised faith. We can and should build quality friendships with unbelievers, but that is as far as it should go. We are in spiritual union with other believers in the Body of Christ (Romans 12:5\), and our most important relationships should be with fellow believers.

Is it good to have close friendships with unbelievers?

Answer As Christians, we have to constantly face temptations and the attacks of the world around us. Everything we see, read, do, hear, put in our bodies, etc., affects us somehow. That’s why, to maintain a close relationship with God, we have to put aside our old ways of doing things—the things we watch on TV, old bad habits (excessive drinking, smoking, etc.), the activities we participate in, and the people we spend our time with. People are divided into only two categories, those who belong to the world and its ruler, Satan, and those who belong to God (Acts 26:18\). These two groups of people are described in terms of opposites all through the Bible; e.g., those in darkness/those in the light; those with eternal life/those with eternal death; those who have peace with God/those who are at war with Him; those who believe the truth/those who believe the lies; those on the narrow path to salvation/those on the broad road to destruction, and many more. Clearly, the message of Scripture is that believers are completely different from nonbelievers, and it is from this perspective that we must discern what kind of friendships we can really have with unbelievers. The book of Proverbs has a few wise verses on believers befriending non\-believers: "The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray" (Proverbs 12:26\). We should stay away from foolish people (Proverbs 13:20, 14:7\), from people who lose their temper easily (Proverbs 22:24\), and from the rebellious (Proverbs 24:21\). All these things represent those who have not been saved. "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14\). First Corinthians 15:33 tells us that bad company corrupts good character. Unbelievers are slaves to sin (John 8:34\), and Christians are slaves to God (1 Corinthians 7:22\). If we become deeply involved (either by friendship or a romantic relationship) with non\-Christians, we are setting ourselves up for turmoil. It can (and does often) cause the Christian to stumble in his walk, fall back into a sinful life, and also turn others away from God (by misrepresenting God and Christianity). Another detrimental effect of closeness with unbelievers is our tendency to water down the truths of Scripture so as to not offend them. There are difficult truths in the Word of God, truths such as judgment and hell. When we minimize or ignore these doctrines or try to “soft pedal” them, in essence we are calling God a liar for the sake of those already in the grasp of Satan. This is not evangelism. Although these close relationships are not recommended, it does not mean we turn our noses up and ignore unbelievers, either. Second Timothy 2:24\-26 tells us that as servants of the Lord, we are to be kind to and not quarrel with anyone. We should gently teach those who oppose the truth, and be patient with difficult people. Matthew 5:16 tells us, “Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly father.” We should serve unbelievers so that they may see God through us and turn to Him in praise. James 5:16 says that there is great power in the prayer of a righteous person, so bring your concerns for unbelievers before God, and He will listen. Many people have been saved because of the prayers and service of Christians, so don’t turn your back on unbelievers, but having any kind of intimate relationship with an unbeliever can quickly and easily turn into something that is a hindrance to your walk with Christ. We are called to evangelize the lost, not be intimate with them. There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with unbelievers – but the primary focus of such a relationship should be to win them to Christ by sharing the Gospel with them and demonstrating God’s saving power in our own lives.

What is an appropriate level of physical intimacy before marriage?

Answer The modern view of sex before marriage is quite lax. One study found that 75 percent of American teenagers have had [premarital sex](premarital-sex.html). By the time the unmarried turn 44 years old, that number climbs to 95 percent (Finer, L. *Public Health Reports*, The Guttmacher Institute, January—February 2007, vol 122, pp 73–78\). Even among self\-identified Christians, 57 percent of U.S. adults believe that premarital sex “in a committed relationship” is sometimes or always acceptable (Pew Research Center, https://pewrsr.ch/3lJyBBE, accessed 11/8/22\). Such statistics are alarming to Christians who take the Bible seriously. Passages such as Ephesians 5:3 give clear guidance concerning physical intimacy outside of marriage: “But among you there must not be even a hint of [sexual immorality](sexual-immorality.html), or of any kind of impurity . . . because these are improper for God’s holy people.” This command places the “guard rails” along a fairly strict path—not even a “hint” of immorality should be found among God’s people. Determining an appropriate level of physical intimacy before marriage is something every unmarried couple must do. [Fornication](Bible-fornication.html) is categorized as sinful in the Bible, so sexual intercourse before marriage is definitely off limits. Other sexual acts, such as oral or anal sex, would also fall under the definition of *fornication*. But the boundaries must be even stricter than that: anything that even “hints” of sexual immorality is inappropriate for a Christian. The Bible does not give us a list of activities that “hint” of immorality. Neither does it tell us what physical activities are “approved” for a couple to engage in before marriage. The idea behind the command is that sexual immorality should not exist among God’s people. Never should there be an occasion for observers to mention such a thing. Any accusation of immorality or inappropriate behavior in the church should be wholly untrue. Where to draw the line? How much intimacy is too much, before marriage? Since the sexual act is wrong for an unmarried couple, behavior that leads to the act should also be curtailed. Thus, foreplay, which is the natural prelude to sexual intercourse, should be restricted to married couples. Anything that can be considered foreplay should be avoided until marriage. This would logically include fondling, nudity, and erotic conversations and behaviors. An unmarried Christian couple should know their convictions and stick to them. Some couples may draw the line at light kissing. Others will stop at holding hands. Others will move the barriers even farther out, for conscience’s sake. The important thing is that the individual believer is allowed to live according to his or her own convictions. The [conscience](conscience.html) should not be violated. If there is any doubt whether an activity is right for an unmarried couple, it should be avoided, just to be safe (Romans 14:23\). Christians have been set apart by God for His holy purposes, and we must take care to avoid immorality. Scripture gives strong warning on this matter: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins. . . . For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life” (1 Thessalonians 4:3– 7\). All sexual activity and foreplay should be restricted to married couples. An unmarried couple should avoid any activity that tempts them toward sex, that gives the appearance of immorality, or that violates the conscience.

What is spiritual growth?

Answer Spiritual growth is the process of becoming more and more like Jesus Christ. When we place our faith in Jesus, the Holy Spirit begins the process of making us more like Him, conforming us to His image. Spiritual growth is perhaps best described in 2 Peter 1:3\-8, which tells us that by God’s power we have “everything we need” to live lives of godliness, which is the goal of spiritual growth. Notice that what we need comes “through our knowledge of Him,” which is the key to obtaining everything we need. Our knowledge of Him comes from the Word, given to us for our edification and growth. There are two lists in Galatians 5:19\-23\. Verses 19\-21 list the “acts of the flesh.” These are the things that identified our lives before we came to Christ for salvation. The acts of the flesh are the activities we are to confess, repent of, and, with God’s help, overcome. As we experience spiritual growth, fewer and fewer of the “acts of the flesh” will be evident in our lives. The second list is the “fruit of the Spirit” (verses 22\-23\). These are what should characterize our lives now that we have experienced salvation in Jesus Christ. Spiritual growth is identified by the fruit of the Spirit becoming increasingly evident in a believer’s life. When the transformation of salvation takes place, spiritual growth begins. The Holy Spirit indwells us (John 14:16\-17\). We are new creatures in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17\). The old, sinful nature begins to give way to the new, Christlike nature (Romans 6\-7\). Spiritual growth is a lifelong process that depends on our study and application of God’s Word (2 Timothy 3:16\-17\) and our walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16\-26\). As we seek spiritual growth, we should pray to God and ask for wisdom concerning the areas He desires us to grow in. We can ask God to increase our faith and knowledge of Him. God desires for us to grow spiritually, and He has given us all we need to experience spiritual growth. With the Holy Spirit’s help, we can overcome sin and steadily become more like our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Is it wrong for a couple to live together before marriage?

Answer The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by “living together.” If “living together” simply means sharing the same house or apartment, with no sexual connotation, then, no, it is not technically wrong. Strictly speaking, there is nothing sinful about an unmarried man and an unmarried woman living in the same house or apartment, as long as there is no sex taking place. However, that is not what is commonly meant by the term *living together*, which is often used as a euphemism for “having sex before marriage,” synonymous with *shacking up*. The Oxford Dictionary defines *live together* as “share a home and have a sexual relationship.” Rightly or wrongly, the sex is assumed. For the purposes of this article, we will define *living together* or *cohabiting* as “sharing a home and having a sexual relationship.” Using that definition of *living together*, it is definitely wrong. Premarital sex is condemned in Scripture, along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5; Jude 1:7\). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of [sexual immorality](sexual-immorality.html) because they all involve having sex with someone to whom you are not married. We live in a world that is increasingly supportive of couples living together before marriage. According to a 2016 Barna study, the most common justification for living together is to evaluate compatibility (84 percent); other reasons include saving on rent (5 percent) and other practical considerations (9 percent) (www.barna.com/research/majority\-of\-americans\-now\-believe\-in\-cohabitation, accessed 9/15/21\). This acceptance of living together is found even among practicing Christians, of whom 41 percent say cohabitation is “a good idea” (ibid.). In 2019, Pew Research found that 58 percent of white evangelicals approve of cohabitation if the couple plans to marry (cited in www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/christians\-and\-cohabitation\-what\-you\-need\-to\-know.html, accessed 9/15/21\). Despite current trends that approve of living together, the Bible’s message stays the same: God forbids sex before marriage. In addition to the biblical guidance are other sound reasons not to cohabit. The idea that living together is an appropriate “test\-drive relationship” before committing to marriage falls apart under scrutiny. Contrary to the conventional wisdom, living together before marriage does *not* make a future marriage stronger. One study based on a national survey found that couples who had lived together were 46 percent more likely to [divorce](grounds-for-divorce.html) than other couples (DeMaris, A., and Rao, K. V., “Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability in the United States: A Reassessment,” Journal of Marriage and Family 54, 1992, based on the National Survey of Families and Households, 178–190\). Another study released through Rutgers University found that cohabiting is counterproductive to long\-lasting marriages and recommended that unmarried couples avoid living together, especially if the arrangement involves children, due to the uncertainty and tenuousness of cohabitation (Popenoe, D., and Whitehead, B. D., “Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage,” *The National Marriage Project*, the Next Generation Series, Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey, 1999\). Even in the case of an unmarried couple who share a living space without having sex, some problems arise: 1\) There is still the appearance of immorality. We must consider our testimony before an unbelieving world as we represent Christ. Most people naturally assume that a man and a woman sharing the same living space are sexually active. Even if the assumption is wrong, the implication remains. God calls us to a higher standard: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people” (Ephesians 5:3\). Living together definitely “hints” at sexual immorality. 2\) Sharing a living space could be a tremendous temptation for immorality. Cohabiting couples, even if they commit to abstain from sex, are putting themselves in a position that can easily lead to compromise and allow the devil to tempt them. The Bible tells us to [flee immorality](flee-temptation.html), not expose ourselves to its constant temptations (1 Corinthians 6:18\). 3\) We have a responsibility to our brothers and sisters in Christ. The Bible’s admonition is that we do not cause anyone to stumble (Romans 14:19–21\). It’s not enough to say, “We’re doing nothing wrong”; we must “pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (verse 19, ESV). If a couple is living together outside of marriage, they have three basic options: (1\) continue to live together; (2\) find separate living quarters; or (3\) get married now. Many couples choose to get married in a quick, private ceremony to make things “legal,” and then have a more formal, church\-type wedding celebration later. Of those three options, (2\) and (3\) are the only godly choices.

What does the Bible say about dating / courting?

Answer Although the words “courtship” and “dating” are not found in the Bible, we are given some principles that Christians are to go by during the time before marriage. The first is that we must separate from the world’s view on dating because God’s way contradicts the world’s (2 Peter 2:20\). While the world’s view may be to date around as much as we want, the important thing is to discover the character of a person before making any commitment to him or her. We should find out if the person has been born again in the Spirit of Christ (John 3:3\-8\) and if he or she shares the same desire toward Christ\-likeness (Philippians 2:5\). The ultimate goal of dating or courting is finding a life partner. The Bible tells us that, as Christians, we should not marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14\-15\) because this would weaken our relationship with Christ and compromise our morals and standards. When one is in a committed relationship, whether dating or courting, it is important to remember to love the Lord above all else (Matthew 10:37\). To say or believe that another person is “everything” or the most important thing in one’s life is idolatry, which is sin (Galatians 5:20; Colossians 3:5\). Also, we are not to defile our bodies by having premarital sex (1 Corinthians 6:9, 13; 2 Timothy 2:22\). Sexual immorality is a sin not only against God but against our own bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18\). It is important to love and honor others as we love ourselves (Romans 12:9\-10\), and this is certainly true for a courtship or dating relationship. Whether dating or courting, following these biblical principles is the best way to have a secure foundation for a marriage. It is one of the most important decisions we will ever make, because when two people marry, they cleave to one another and become one flesh in a relationship which God intended to be permanent and unbreakable (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5\).

How young is too young to be in a romantic relationship?

Answer How young is “too young” to start a relationship depends on the individual’s level of maturity, goals, and beliefs. Often, the younger we are, the less mature we are due to a lack of life experience. When we are just beginning to figure out who we are, we may not be firmly grounded enough spiritually to form solid romantic attachments and may be more prone to making unwise decisions that can leave us with emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual damage. Being in a relationship puts one in almost constant temptation, especially as emotions begin to develop and the attraction to the other person deepens. Young teens—even older teens—are besieged by hormonal and societal pressures that seem at times almost unbearable. Each day brings new feelings—doubts, fears, and confusion coupled with joys and exhilaration—which can be very confusing. Young people spend much of their time just figuring out who they are and how they relate to the world and the people around them. To add the pressure of a relationship at this stage seems almost too much to ask, especially when the other person is experiencing the same upheaval. Such early relationships make it more difficult to avoid damage to the delicate and still\-forming self\-image, not to mention the problem of resisting temptation. If being marriage\-minded is still far off, it is probably too early to begin dating or courtship. Much safer for all concerned are group activities where young people can develop social skills and friendships without the pressure and inherent difficulties of romantic attachments. No matter when a person decides to begin a romantic relationship, this should be a time of building on the foundation of faith that he or she has been taught, of growing and figuring out what God wants him or her to do. We are never too young to begin this exciting process. “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12\).

Are we supposed to be actively looking for a spouse?

Answer Should we be actively search for a spouse or waiting for God to provide us with a spouse? There is an important balance between the two. We are not to frantically search for a spouse as if everything depends solely on our effort. Neither should we be entirely passive, assuming that someday God will cause a spouse to knock on the door, ring in hand, ready to recite the vows. When the time came for Isaac to take a wife, he took action (rather, his parents did, according to cultural norms): they sent a servant to actively seek a wife (Genesis 24\). The servant had certain qualities that he was seeking, and he bathed the process in prayer (verses 12\-14\). The Lord answered the prayer, and Isaac and Rebekah were married (verse 67\). As Christians, once we know that it is time to start looking for a spouse, we should begin the process with prayer. Committing ourselves to God’s will for our lives is the first step. “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4\). Delighting in the Lord means we find pleasure in knowing Him and trusting that He will delight us in return. He will put His desires into our hearts. In the context of seeking a spouse, that means desiring for ourselves the type of spouse He desires for us and who He knows will delight us further. Proverbs 3:6 tells us, “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Acknowledging Him in the search for a spouse means submitting to His sovereign will. Whatever He decides is best is what we want. We should also be clear on the biblical characteristics of a godly husband or wife, and we should seek someone who qualifies on a spiritual level. It is important to understand these qualities first and then seek someone who possesses those qualities. To “fall in love” with someone and then discover he or she is not spiritually qualified to be our mate is to invite heartache and put ourselves in a very difficult position. Once we know what the Bible says we should be looking for, we can begin actively looking for a spouse, trusting that God will bring him or her into our lives in His perfect timing. If we pray, God will lead us to the person He has for us. It is important to wait on the Lord and trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5\). Some people cite a verse in 1 Corinthians 7 that seems to say that we should never look for a spouse. Verse 27 says, “Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife.” This seems fairly straightforward, but the context provides additional, important information. In verse 26 Paul says, “Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are.” That is, in the time of persecution that the early church experienced, Paul said it was better not to make big plans, such as scheduling a wedding. Persecution hits a married couple harder, and it is even worse if there are also children involved. Paul repeats the sentiment in verse 29: “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” In the same context, Paul says, “If you do marry, you have not sinned” (verse 28\). So, seeking a marriage partner is not wrong. Of course, it is not advisable to look for a spouse if God’s will does not include marriage. Sometimes God calls people not to marry at all (1 Corinthians 7\). There are people who “because of the kingdom of heaven” have renounced marriage. Jesus says, “The one who can accept this should accept it” (Matthew 19:12\). In those situations, God makes it clear that that is His will.

Is there such a thing as soul mates?

Answer The common idea of a “soul mate” is that for every person, there is another person who is a “perfect fit,” and if you marry anyone other than this soul mate, you will never be happy. Is this concept of a soul mate biblical? No, it is not. The soul mate concept is often used as an excuse for divorce. People who are unhappy in their marriage sometimes claim that they did not marry their soul mate and therefore should divorce and begin the search for their true soul mate. This is nothing more than an excuse, a blatantly unbiblical excuse. If you are married, the person you are married to is your soul mate. Mark 10:7\-9 declares, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” A husband and wife are “united,” “one flesh,” “no longer two, but one,” and “joined together,” i.e., soul mates. A marriage may not be as unified and joyous as a couple wishes it to be. A husband and wife may not have the physical, emotional, and spiritual unity that they desire. But even in this instance, the husband and wife are still soul mates. A couple in such a situation needs to work on developing true “soul mate” intimacy. By obeying what the Bible teaches about marriage (Ephesians 5:22\-33\), a couple can develop the intimacy, love, and commitment that being “one flesh” soul mates entails. If you are married, you are married to your soul mate. No matter how disharmonious a marriage is, God can bring healing, forgiveness, restoration, and true marital love and harmony. Is it possible to marry the wrong person? If we give ourselves to God and seek His guidance, He promises to direct us: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5\-6\). The implication of Proverbs 3:5\-6 is that if you are not trusting in the Lord with all your heart, and are leaning on your own understanding, you can go the wrong direction. Yes, it is possible, in a time of disobedience and lack of close fellowship with God, to marry someone whom He did not desire you to marry. Even in such an instance, though, God is sovereign and in control. Even if a marriage was not God’s desire, it is still within His sovereign will and plan. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16\), and “marrying the wrong person” is never presented in the Bible as grounds for divorce. The claim “I married the wrong person and will never be happy unless I find my true soul mate” is unbiblical in two respects. First, it is a claim that your wrong decision has overridden God’s will and destroyed His plan. Second, it is a claim that God is not capable of making a struggling marriage happy, unified, and successful. Nothing we do can disrupt God’s sovereign will. God can take any two people, no matter how mismatched, and mold them into two people who are perfect for each other. If we maintain close fellowship with God, He will lead us and guide us. If a person is walking with the Lord and truly seeking His will, God will lead that person to the spouse He intends. God will lead us to our “soul mate” if we submit to Him and follow Him. However, being soul mates is both a position and a practice. A husband and wife are soul mates in that they are “one flesh,” spiritually, physically, and emotionally united to each other. In practice, though, there is a process of taking what a couple is, soul mates, and making that a day\-by\-day reality. True soul mate oneness is only possible by implementing the biblical pattern of marriage.

When is the right time for marriage?

Answer The right time for marriage is different for each person and unique to each situation. Maturity levels and life experiences are varying factors; some people are ready for marriage at 18, and some are never prepared for it. As the U.S. divorce rate exceeds 50 percent, it is obvious that much of our society does not view marriage as an everlasting commitment. However, this is the world’s view, which will usually contradict God’s (1 Corinthians 3:18\). A strong foundation is imperative for a successful marriage and should be settled before one even begins to date or court a potential life mate. Our Christian walk should include much more than just attending church on Sundays and being involved in Bible study. We must have a personal relationship with God that comes only through trusting in and obeying Jesus Christ. We must educate ourselves about marriage, seeking God’s view on it, before diving in. A person must know what the Bible says about love, commitment, sexual relations, the role of a husband and wife, and His expectations of us before committing to marriage. Having at least one Christian married couple as a role model is also important. An older couple can answer questions about what goes into a successful marriage, how to create intimacy (beyond the physical), how faith is invaluable, etc. A prospective married couple also needs to make sure that they know each other well. They should know each other’s views on marriage, finances, in\-laws, child\-rearing, discipline, duties of a husband and wife, whether only one of them or both will be working outside the home, and the level of the other person’s spiritual maturity. Many people get married taking their partner’s word for it that they are a Christian, only to find out later that it was merely lip service. Every couple considering marriage should go through counseling with a Christian marriage counselor or pastor. In fact, many pastors will not perform weddings unless they have met several times with the couple in a counseling setting. Marriage is not only a commitment, but a covenant with God. It is the promise to remain with that other person for the remainder of your life, no matter whether your spouse is rich, poor, healthy, sick, overweight, underweight, or boring. A Christian marriage should endure through every circumstance, including fighting, anger, devastation, disaster, depression, bitterness, addiction, and loneliness. Marriage should never be entered into with the idea that divorce is an option—not even as the last straw. The Bible tells us that through God all things are possible (Luke 18:27\), and this certainly includes marriage. If a couple makes the decision at the beginning to stay committed and to put God first, divorce will not be the inevitable solution to a miserable situation. It is important to remember that God wants to give us the desires of our heart, but that is only possible if our desires match His. People often get married because it just “feels right.” In the early stages of dating, and even of marriage, you see the other person coming, and you get butterflies in your stomach. Romance is at its peak, and you know the feeling of being “in love.” Many expect that this feeling will remain forever. The reality is that it does not. The result can be disappointment and even divorce as those feelings fade, but those in successful marriages know that the excitement of being with the other person does not have to end. Instead, the butterflies give way to a deeper love, a stronger commitment, a more solid foundation, and an unbreakable security. The Bible is clear that love does not rely on feelings. This is evident when we are told to love our enemies (Luke 6:35\). True love is possible only when we allow the Holy Spirit to work through us, cultivating the fruit of our salvation (Galatians 5:22\-23\). It is a decision we make on a daily basis to die to ourselves and our selfishness, and to let God shine through us. Paul tells us how to love others in 1 Corinthians 13:4\-7: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self\-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” When we are ready to love another person as 1 Corinthians 13:4\-7 describes, that is the right time for marriage.

What is true friendship according to the Bible?

Answer The Lord Jesus Christ gave us the definition of a true friend: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you" (John 15:13\-15\). Jesus is the pure example of a true friend, for He laid down His life for His "friends." What is more, anyone may become His friend by trusting in Him as his personal savior, being born again and receiving new life in Him. There is an example of true friendship between David and Saul’s son Jonathan, who, in spite of his father Saul’s pursuit of David and attempts to kill him, stood by his friend. You will find that story in 1 Samuel chapter 18 through chapter 20\. Some pertinent passages are 1 Samuel 18:1\-4; 19: 4\-7; 20:11\-17, 41\-42\. Proverbs is another good source of wisdom regarding friends. "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (Proverbs 17:17\). "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24\). The issue here is that in order have a friend, one must be a friend. "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (Proverbs 27:6\). "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17\). The principle of friendship is also found in Amos. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3 KJV). Friends are of like mind. The truth that comes from all of this is a friendship is a relationship that is entered into by individuals, and it is only as good or as close as those individuals choose to make it. Someone has said that if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand, you are blessed. A friend is one whom you can be yourself with and never fear that he or she will judge you. A friend is someone that you can confide in with complete trust. A friend is someone you respect and that respects you, not based upon worthiness but based upon a likeness of mind. Finally, the real definition of a true friend comes from the Apostle Paul: "For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:7\-8\). "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends" (John 15:13\). Now, that is true friendship!

Should a Christian use a dating service to find a spouse?

Answer The Bible doesn’t talk about dating services. In fact, it doesn’t even tell us how to “date” or “court,” or whatever term we use for the process we use to get to know a potential mate. In the Bible times, dating did not exist in the same form that we see it today. Back then, families helped young women and men meet and become engaged and often chose their children’s mates for them. Today, while familial involvement is still the norm in many cultures, in many others, singles are more on their own to find a mate. Some singles don’t bother to look for a spouse, believing God will bring the person to them, while others are forever on a search for one, fearing they may miss him or her. There should be a balance, as we remember that God is perfectly loving (Ephesians 3:18; 1 John 3:16\-18\) and perfectly sovereign over every situation, desire, and need (Psalm 109:21; Romans 8:38\-39\). God uses our choices, other people, and sometimes even modern technology, to bring about marriages. Before a Christian single considers any of the “newer” methods of finding a spouse like using a Christian dating service, it’s helpful to consider whether we may be engaging in any self\-defeating behavior. Is it possible we are being too picky, looking for the fairy\-tale prince or princess, and by doing so, limiting the possibilities of what God may know is best for us and which we have not yet considered? Are we not being picky enough, forgetting that God calls all Christians to marry only other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14\), or are we considering someone who is stuck in a serious, life\-altering sin that could endanger the marriage? A Christian man should take the lead in relationships and making sure their relationship glorifies Christ in all things. A Christian woman should let the man take the initiative as the leader God made him to be. And, finally, as believers, we should be able to stand on our own two feet, relying on the Lord to fulfill us rather than feeling a need to be married in order to be whole. Once we have these common struggles sorted out, we can begin to pursue a woman, or be pursued by a man, with an eye towards marriage. As in all decisions, we should ask God to direct us clearly. It can be difficult to meet single Christian men and women, especially if most of our friends have already married. We can put ourselves in a position to meet other Christians by looking for a church singles group. We may want to volunteer for a cause we care about or join other groups, being sure that we are doing it because we enjoy it, not just because we want to meet as many potential mates as possible. Some people prefer to meet their spouse through friends, family, or in a chance meeting out in the world, and many do just that. But others believe they are limited in the people they meet because of their profession, the size of their city, or the nature of their activities. For these people, it may be wise to consider other methods. Some of the modern methods of finding a mate include internet or online dating, professional matchmaking services, and speed dating. Each has its pros and cons, and none is right for everyone. Before beginning any of these methods, we should begin in prayer, asking God whether it is the step He wants us to take. Internet dating is currently the most popular alternative way to meet singles. There are several Christian dating services as well as secular services that allow users to limit their searches to Christians. (Please note that Got Questions Ministries does not endorse any particular Christian or secular dating service site). One major downfall of internet dating is that you can never be sure who is being honest and who is pretending to be someone they’re not. The result of a deception can be humorous, but it may also be deadly. It’s a good idea to never answer any communication from someone from another country, unless you are able to conduct an extensive background check on him or her. Some of these people are trying to con the men and women they meet. Be careful about any personal details you share via online communication. It is also wise to meet the person face\-to\-face before becoming too emotionally intimate via email communication. When you do meet for the first time, do so in a public place—never allow them to drive you anywhere or take you somewhere where you will be alone. It is wise to plan a double date, so that a close friend can offer his or her opinion on this (let’s face it) complete stranger. Listen to your instincts and get away fast if you ever feel you are in any danger. Warnings aside, though, many happy Christian marriages have come out of internet dating. Professional matchmaking services are usually safer than internet dating, but are less popular, and don’t always have a very large pool of people to choose from. They can also be more expensive, usually involve more extensive applications, and require some type of background check. But, if done safely and wisely, professional matchmaking can potentially lead to a successful Christian marriage. Speed dating is where singles circulate systematically through a room of tables in order to assess a potential date in only a few minutes per rotation. At the end of the night, they turn in a card that indicates with whom they would be willing to be matched up. The couples who have mutual interest will receive each other’s contact information. Again, if done safely and wisely, this can potentially lead to a successful Christian marriage. In all of the choices we make, though, it’s crucial to remember that it is God—not us—who brings us together with a spouse. As simple as it may sound, we shouldn’t have to work to find our spouse; we should be living out our lives with any desires for a spouse on the back burner and our desires for knowing God at the forefront of our hearts. Seek God and He will fulfill (or change) your desires (Psalm 103:5; Romans 12:2\) in His perfect way and His perfect time (Romans 5:6; 8:26\-27\). Would we want it any other way? Look at the story of Isaac and Rebekah and how God brought them together (Genesis 24\). It was sovereignly planned and controlled by God. God holds our every moment in His hands (Psalm 31:15\), and He will not let us slip through the cracks of His gentle fingers. He cradles our lives and our hearts in His hands, and He will not forget His children. If God has intended marriage for you, He will bring it to fruition and will be faithful to guide you in your role in bringing it about. In the meantime, seek God in what He has for you now. God has a purpose for each of us, single or married, and it is a shame to miss living His purpose fully for you in whatever season you are in by becoming too focused on whatever season He has in store for you next.

How will I know when I have found the perfect spouse for me?

Answer The Bible does not address how to find the “perfect spouse,” nor does it get as specific as we might like on the matter of finding the right marriage partner. The one thing God’s Word does explicitly tell us is to make sure that we do not marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14\-15\). First Corinthians 7:39 reminds us that, while we are free to marry, we should only marry those who are acceptable to God—in other words, Christians. Beyond this, the Bible is silent about how to know we are marrying the “right” person. So why doesn’t God spell out for us what we should look for in a mate? Why do we not have more specifics about such an important issue? The truth is that the Bible is so clear on what a Christian is and how we are to act that specifics are not necessary. Christians are supposed to be likeminded about important issues, and if two Christians are committed to their marriage and to obeying Christ, they already possess the necessary ingredients for success. However, because our society is inundated with many professing Christians, it would be wise to use discernment before devoting oneself to the lifelong commitment of marriage. Once a prospective mate’s priorities are identified—if he or she is truly committed to Christ\-likeness—then the specifics are easier to identify and deal with. First, we should make sure that we are ready to marry. We must have enough maturity to look beyond the here and now and be able to commit ourselves to joining with this one person for the rest of our lives. We must also recognize that marriage requires sacrifice and selflessness. Before marrying, a couple should study the roles and duties of a husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22\-31; 1 Corinthians 7:1\-16; Colossians 3:18\-19; Titus 2:1\-5; 1 Peter 3:1\-7\). A couple should make sure they know each other for a sufficient amount of time before discussing marriage. They should watch how the other person reacts to different situations, how he behaves around his family and friends, and what kind of people she spends time with. A person’s behavior is greatly influenced by those he keeps company with (1 Corinthians 15:33\). They should agree on issues such as morality, finances, values, children, church attendance and involvement, relationships with in\-laws, and employment. These are areas of potential conflict in marriage and should be carefully considered beforehand. Finally, any couple considering marriage should first go to premarital counseling with their pastor or another trained Christian counselor. Here they will learn valuable tools for building their marriage on a foundation of faith in Christ, and they will also learn how to deal with inevitable conflicts. After all these criteria have been met, the couple is ready to prayerfully decide if they desire to be joined together in marriage. If we are earnestly seeking the will of God, He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5\-6\).

If a couple gets pregnant before marriage do they have to get married?

Answer Sex before marriage has become so commonplace in our society, even to the point of being expected, that many professing Christians don’t even consider it to be a sin. Our culture assumes that people do not possess the amount of self\-control necessary for abstaining until marriage, so the idea has become unrealistic. God’s Word does not change, however, and the Bible tells us that sex outside of marriage is immoral (Matthew 15:19; 1 Corinthians 6:9, 6:13, 7:2; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3\). Any person who has become a born\-again Christian by putting his or her faith and trust in Christ no longer belongs to himself. First Corinthians 6:18\-20 (NLT) says, “Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Or don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” Disregarding God’s plan for marriage, sex, and family always results in these kinds of spiritual or physical consequences: grieving the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30\), guilt, shame, regret, loss of respect for self and others, division in families and between believers, poor role modeling, pain for future spouses, unwanted pregnancies, abortion, and sexually transmitted diseases. God intends for sex to be an intimate expression of love and commitment, to be shared only between a husband and wife. Sex just for the physical pleasure of it damages our spirituality and pulls us away from fellowship with God. Anyone who has made the mistake of having sex outside of marriage can be forgiven, even if the mistake results in an unplanned pregnancy. First John 1:9 says, “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from every wrong.” This does not mean that He will erase the consequences of our actions, but we can be restored spiritually by confessing and repenting from our sins. This means turning away from our sins and making the commitment to love and serve Christ. There are some cases in which getting married before the baby is born would be wise. If a committed couple who was already planning to get married commits fornication which results in pregnancy, it would probably make it easier for the family and the child to marry before he or she is born. But if an uncommitted couple commits the same sin, getting married will not make them right in God’s eyes. In such a situation, getting married will only set them up for marital failure. The Bible does not instruct people as to whether or not to marry under these circumstances, although both parents are still obligated to support the child emotionally, spiritually and financially. None of us are made right with God through works. We are saved by faith alone, trusting in Jesus Christ to save us from our sins, which lead to death. The Bible says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23\). God does not want us to try to right our wrongs, but He wants us to give Him our hearts. By laying down our own will and submitting to the sovereignty of God, we can be assured of not only a fulfilling life on earth, but also a place in heaven for eternity.

How can I know if I am in love?

Answer Love is a very powerful emotion. It motivates much of our lives. We make many important decisions based on this emotion, and even get married because we feel that we are “in love.” This may be the reason about half of all first marriages end in divorce. The Bible teaches us that true love is not an emotion that can come or go, but a decision. We are not just to love those who love us; we should even love those who hate us, the same way that Christ loves the unlovable (Luke 6:35\). “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self\-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4\-7\). It can be very easy to “fall in love” with someone, but there are some questions to ask before deciding if what we are feeling is true love. First, is this person a Christian, meaning has he given his life to Christ? Is he/she trusting Christ alone for salvation? Also, if you are considering giving your heart and emotions to one person, you should ask yourself if you are willing to put that person above all other people and to put your relationship second only to God. The Bible tells us that when two people get married, they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5\). Another thing to consider is whether or not the loved one is a good candidate for being a mate. Has he/she already put God first and foremost in his/her life? Is he/she able to give his/her time and energy to building the relationship into a marriage that will last a lifetime? There is no measuring stick to determine when we are truly in love with someone, but it is important to discern whether we are following our emotions or following God’s will for our lives. True love is a decision, not just an emotion. True biblical love is loving someone all of the time, not just when you feel “in love.”

What does the Bible say about flirting?

Answer The Bible does not specifically talk to us about whether or not flirting is wrong, so what we should do is examine the definition of flirting. According to Merriam\-Webster, flirting is "a) to behave amorously without serious intent, or b) to show superficial or casual interest or liking." It is synonymous with the word *trifle*, which is something of little value. The next thing we should examine is what people are usually trying to accomplish when they flirt. Are they trying to get attention from others, whether it is negative or positive? Are they attempting to show sexual interest or attraction? Do they see it as “innocent fun,” even if they or the other person is involved with someone else, even married? Having casual contact with someone while purposely entertaining sexual undertones can be dangerous for us spiritually. Although most people believe that as long as nothing physical takes place, what goes on in our minds is irrelevant, the Bible tells us otherwise. “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye – even if it is your good eye – causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:28\-29\). Sin begins in our minds and then moves to our hearts. Matthew 12:35 tells us that “a good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words from an evil heart.” It is a fact that whatever we surround ourselves with, whatever we indulge ourselves in, and whatever we fill our minds with is what we will become. This is why Philippians 4:8 says, “Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Although flirting is almost always described as “harmless,” it rarely, if ever, actually is. The first thing to consider is what people generally think about those who flirt. A woman who flirts, for example, will develop a reputation as being promiscuous. She will find that other women look at her as a threat and take an instant disliking to her. A man who flirts will be viewed as a womanizer who is not interested in serious relationships. Anyone who flirts may enjoy the attention, but the interest shown to that person is almost exclusively sexual and will probably lack any sense of respect. The Bible tells us that we are to be a good example, showing others the love of Christ through our behavior (Ephesians 5:1\-2\). It is possible that a man or woman who is being flirted with has been struggling with lustful thoughts themselves. When a person of the opposite sex is hanging on them, [winking](winking-eye-trouble.html) at them, touching them, or showing off their body to them, it will make the person’s struggle all the more difficult. The Bible strongly warns us against tempting others to sin (Matthew 18:7\). We should do all we can to bring others into God’s Kingdom and never do anything that would cause a person to stumble in his Christian walk (Romans 14:21\). First Corinthians 10:31 reminds us, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

What is the difference between dating and courting?

Answer [Dating and courtship](dating-courting.html) are two methods of beginning relationships with the opposite sex. While there are non\-Christians who date with the intention of having a series of intimate physical relationships, for the Christian this is not acceptable and should never be the reason for dating. Many Christians see dating as little more than friendship and maintain the friendship aspect of their dating until both people are ready to commit to each other as potential marriage partners. First and foremost, dating is a time when a Christian finds out if his or her potential marriage partner is also a believer in Christ. The Bible warns that believers and unbelievers should not marry each other, because those living in the light (of Christ) and those living in the darkness cannot live in harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14–15\). Christians who date should limit their [physical contact](before-marriage.html) with each other to avoid temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18–20\). Those who advocate courtship instead of dating take the position that the couple should have no physical contact at all (no touching, no handholding, no kissing) until marriage. Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are also present. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if they are suitable marriage partners. Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for two people to truly get to know each other in a platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view. There are problems inherent with both relationship approaches. For daters, spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom they find attractive can present hard\-to\-resist temptations. The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them. If they find this hard to do, they must take steps to ensure that Christ will always be honored during their time together and that sin is never given a chance to take hold in their relationship. If the dating couple are still under parental authority, then the parents should be involved, knowledgeable, and available. The courtship style presents its own set of difficulties. While many courtship advocates see it as the only choice for finding a mate, others find it oppressive and overly controlling. In addition, it can be hard to find the “real” person behind the public face presented in front of the entire family. No one is the same in a group setting as he or she is one\-on\-one. If a couple is never alone together, they never have that one\-on\-one opportunity to relate and get to know one another in emotional and spiritual intimacy. In addition, some courtship situations have led to something akin to an [arranged marriage](arranged-marriages.html), which can foster resentment in the couple. Neither dating nor courtship is mandated in Scripture. In the end, the Christian character and spiritual maturity of the couple is far more important than the exact nature of how and when they spend time together. The result of the process—whatever method is used—should be godly Christian men and women marrying and raising families that honor God. “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31, NKJV). Believing one’s personal preference—dating or courting—is the “only way” is a pitfall. Looking down on those who make the opposite choice is prideful. The unity of the body of Christ is something we should strive for, regardless of personal choices others make pertaining to relationship issues on which the Bible is silent.

What does the Bible say about age differences in relationships?

Answer If you do a Bible search for the phrase *age differences in relationships*, you will find exactly 0 results. In fact, a person’s age is rarely mentioned in Scripture, and this holds true for married couples in the Bible. We just don’t know of couples’ age differences in the Bible. [Abraham and Sarah](Abraham-Sarah-Isaac.html) are the exception; we do know the age difference between those two. When God promised Abraham that he and Sarah would be the start of many nations, “Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, ‘Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?’” (Genesis 17:17\). Based on Abraham’s mirthful questions, he and Sarah were ten years apart—not a huge age difference, but noteworthy. There are no other couples in the Bible where both individuals’ ages are given. It is often assumed that [Boaz](Ruth-and-Boaz.html) was significantly older than Ruth. This is based on a passage in Ruth 3\. When Ruth asks Boaz to be her kinsman\-redeemer, Boaz replies, “The Lord bless you, my daughter. . . . You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor” (verse 10\). The implication is that Ruth, rather than seeking a husband among those closer to her own age, either in Moab or in Israel, sought to follow Jewish custom and place herself under the protection of the more mature Boaz. The [Jewish Mishnah](Mishnah-midrash.html) sets Boaz’s age at 80 and Ruth’s at 40 (*Ruth Rabbah* 7:4; *Ruth Zuta* 4:13\), but that’s pure speculation, since the Bible does not reveal the age difference between the two. It’s also commonly thought that [Joseph](how-old-was-Joseph.html) was significantly older than Mary. However, there is absolutely nothing in the Bible to indicate that. Given the Bible’s silence on the issue, we can say that, in the end, age differences in relationships are not a major concern to God. Age can be important in a marriage, of course, but it is far less important than other issues such as salvation, spiritual maturity, compatibility, etc. As people get older, age differences mean less and less. Obviously, a 40\-year\-old marrying an 18\-year\-old will raise some eyebrows, but no one thinks twice about an 82\-year\-old marrying a 60\-year\-old. The person we marry should be of the opposite gender (Genesis 2:21–25\), and he or she should be a believer in Christ (2 Corinthians 6:14\). And, of course, we should marry for the proper reasons (lust and greed being improper reasons). Beyond those guidelines, we have a certain amount of freedom concerning whom to marry. Age differences are a matter of consideration, and we should certainly ask for wisdom when the difference is great (James 1:5\), but the Bible does not treat age differences as a moral or spiritual issue.

Is it wrong to have a romantic relationship with a close relative?

Answer The relationships that God forbade in the Old Testament Law are listed in Leviticus chapter 18, verses 6–18\. In that passage, the Israelites are commanded not to commit incest, which is a defiling sin (Leviticus 18:24\). The law lists relationships, whether involving marriage or not, that God defined as incestuous. An Israelite man was not to marry or have sex with the following people: His mother His stepparent His sister or half\-sister (and possibly step\-sister of no biological relation brought up as the daughter of his biological parent) His aunt His daughter\-in\-law His sister\-in\-law, as long as his wife was living (Leviticus 18:18\) Interestingly, marriage between cousins is nowhere forbidden in the Bible. The other relationships listed above are immoral. Before the law was given, in the early days of humanity, there was a need for marriage between close relatives, as there were a limited number of human beings. Adam and Eve’s children married their siblings, by necessity. Even in those days, however, marriage between parent and child was not allowable, as Genesis 2:24 implies: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” A man was to *leave* his mother, not *marry* her. It was not until humanity increased greatly on the earth that people no longer needed to intermarry among relatives. In the early days of humanity, the human genetic code was not corrupted to the extent that it is today. Therefore, marriages between close relatives carried little risk of genetic abnormalities in the children they produced. Once the human race expanded and, due to sin, the human genetic code grew more corrupt, God commanded against the marriage of close relatives. There is nothing essentially wrong with marrying a first cousin or other, more distant relative. There are other considerations, though. One is the civil law in the place where we live: many places disallow marriage between first cousins, and the Bible commands us to obey the laws of the nation we live in (Romans 13:1–6\). While Christians are no longer under the Law of Moses, the moral principles still stand. That means that the relationships listed in Leviticus 18 are still immoral. No one should marry a sibling or a parent. The only moral exception to the list is that of marriage to an in\-law after the death of a spouse.

What is the Christian view of engagement?

Answer In the Bible, there were three steps the Jewish people had to take when getting married. The families first had to agree to the union, and then a public announcement was made. At this point, the couple was betrothed, or engaged. Finally, they were officially married and began to live together. Betrothal, then, was somewhat similar to what we call engagement now, except that our society does not honor the seriousness of engagement as they did then. When a Jewish couple was betrothed during Bible times, they were already bound together by a contract that could only be broken through death or divorce. Any Christian who is considering marriage needs to realize the depth of this kind of commitment and not jump into it lightly. God intends marriage to be a lifelong commitment, not a temporary arrangement. The Bible says this about marriage: "'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together" (Mark 10:7\-9\). Christians need to make sure they have a clear understanding of the person they may marry before becoming engaged. The Bible says that Christians cannot team up with and live in harmony with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14\-15\). A Christian teaming up with an unbeliever almost guarantees that the Christian will be pulled away from Christ because, as the Bible says, "bad company corrupts good character" (1 Corinthians 15:33\). The only way to have a God\-honoring, stable foundation for a marriage is to be firmly grounded in one’s faith and make sure that the potential partner is equally dedicated to God. Christians should live their lives with God as the director. He wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives, including whom we marry. Having a clear understanding of God’s Word and developing a personal relationship with Him through prayer and yielding to the direction of the Holy Spirit is the first and most important step in determining His will for us. The world’s advice on dating and engagement should only be considered in light of God’s truths in Scripture. If we seek His will in all we do, He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5\-6\).

Why does God allow us to go through trials and tribulations?

Answer One of the most difficult parts of the Christian life is the fact that becoming a disciple of Christ does not make us immune to life’s trials and tribulations. Why would a good and loving God allow us to go through such things as the death of a child, disease and injury to ourselves and our loved ones, financial hardships, worry and fear? Surely, if He loved us, He would take all these things away from us. After all, doesn’t loving us mean He wants our lives to be easy and comfortable? Well, no, it doesn’t. The Bible clearly teaches that God loves those who are His children, and He “works all things together for good” for us (Romans 8:28\). So that must mean that the trials and tribulations He allows in our lives are part of the working together of all things for good. Therefore, for the believer, all trials and tribulations must have a divine purpose. As in all things, God’s ultimate purpose for us is to grow more and more into the image of His Son (Romans 8:29\). This is the goal of the Christian, and everything in life, including the trials and tribulations, is designed to enable us to reach that goal. It is part of the process of sanctification, being set apart for God’s purposes and fitted to live for His glory. The way trials accomplish this is explained in 1 Peter 1:6\-7: "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which perishes, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." The true believer’s faith will be made sure by the trials we experience so that we can rest in the knowledge that it is real and will last forever. Trials develop godly character, and that enables us to "rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us” (Romans 5:3\-5\). Jesus Christ set the perfect example. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8\). These verses reveal aspects of His divine purpose for both Jesus Christ’s trials and tribulations and ours. Persevering proves our faith. "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13\). However, we must be careful never to make excuses for our "trials and tribulations" if they are a result of our own wrongdoing. "By no means let any of you suffer as a murderer, or thief, or evildoer, or a troublesome meddler" (1 Peter 4:15\). God will forgive our sins because the eternal punishment for them has been paid by Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. However, we still have to suffer the natural consequences in this life for our sins and bad choices. But God uses even those sufferings to mold and shape us for His purposes and our ultimate good. Trials and tribulations come with both a purpose and a reward. "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. . . . Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those who love Him" (James 1:2\-4,12\). Through all of life’s trials and tribulations, we have the victory. "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord, Jesus Christ." Although we are in a spiritual battle, Satan has no authority over the believer in Christ. God has given us His Word to guide us, His Holy Spirit to enable us, and the privilege of coming to Him anywhere, at any time, to pray about anything.

How are we to submit to God?

Answer In all the New Testament incidences where the word *submit* occurs, the word is translated from the Greek word *hupotasso*. The *hupo* means "under" and the *tasso* means "to arrange." This word and a root of it are also translated by the words *subject* and *subjection*. The word’s full meaning is "to obey, put under, be subject to, submit oneself unto, put in subjection under or be under obedience or obedient to." The word was used as a military term meaning "to arrange troop divisions in a military fashion under the command of a leader." This word is a wonderful definition of what it means to "submit" to God. It means to arrange oneself under the command of divine viewpoint rather than to live according to one’s old way of life based on a human viewpoint. It is a process surrendering our own will to that of our Father’s. The Scripture has a great deal to say about being in submission to the "higher powers." This has reference to the establishment principles that God has ordained in our world—the government and the leaders, in whatever capacity, that God has placed in authority over us on this earth. Passages that teach this principle are Romans 13:1\-7; Hebrews 13:17; 1 Peter 2:13\-14; and Titus 3:1\. The principle is that being in obedience to the authority over us, whatever that authority is, will bring a temporal blessing in real time here and now and, for the believer, reward later. The highest authority is God, and He delegates authority to others; so, in order to submit to God, we submit to the authority He has placed over us. You will notice that there are no caveats that distinguish between good or bad authority or even just or unjust authority. We are just to humble ourselves and obey as "unto the Lord." We are also told to submit ourselves to God (James 4:7\). In Ephesians we read the wife is to submit to her husband as unto the Lord and the husband is to "love" his wife (Ephesians 5:22\-25\). The Apostle Peter writes, “Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble’” (1 Peter 5:5\). The theme here is one of humility. One cannot submit to God without humility. Obedience requires us to humble ourselves to surrender to the authority of another, and we are told that God resists pride—the opposite of humility—and the arrogance that fosters that pride. Therefore, having a humble and submissive heart is a choice we make. That means as born\-again believers we daily make a choice to submit ourselves to God for the work that the Holy Spirit does in us to "conform us to the image of Christ." God will use the situations of our lives to bring us the opportunity to submit to Him (Romans 8:28\-29\). The believer then accepts His grace and provision to walk in the Spirit and not after the manner of the old nature. That work is accomplished by choosing to apply ourselves to the Word of God and to learning about the provisions that God has made for us in Christ Jesus. From the moment we are born again, we have all the provisions we need, in Christ, to become a mature believer, but we have to make the choice to learn about those provisions through study of the Word and to apply those provisions to our daily walk. We have to choose to submit to God for the process of learning in order to grow spiritually. It is a process begun at salvation and ongoing with each and every choice that we make to submit ourselves to God. This process will continue until the Lord comes again or He calls us home. The wonderful thing about this is that, as the Apostle Paul so aptly states, "But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the spirit of the Lord" (2 Corinthians 3:18\). God does not require us to submit because He is a tyrant, but because He is a loving Father and He knows what is best for us. The blessings and peace that we gain from humbly surrendering and submitting ourselves to Him daily are a gift of grace that nothing in this world can compare to.

If an unmarried couple has sex, are they married in God’s eyes?

Answer The Bible says that [marriage](definition-of-marriage.html) happens when “a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24\). It is the “one flesh” aspect of marriage that has led some people to assume that, if an unmarried couple has sex, then they are married in God’s eyes. Is it as simple as that? Or is there more to marriage than the physical act of sex? We do not believe that the [act of sex](sex-in-the-Bible.html) alone constitutes marriage. We have three reasons for saying so. First, a reason based on logic. If it were true that premarital sex makes a couple married in God’s eyes, then there would be no such thing as premarital sex. The instant an unmarried couple have sex, they would lose their “premarital” status, becoming each other’s de facto spouse. The Bible’s warnings against premarital sex—a type of [fornication](Bible-fornication.html)—would thus be rendered irrelevant. Premarital sex could not be considered immoral because, the moment sexual intercourse occurred, it would become marital sex. To avoid immorality, couples are counseled in 1 Corinthians 7:2 to get married; but if sex equals marriage, the counsel simply becomes, “To avoid immorality, have sex.” And that’s not the advice Paul was trying to give. A second reason that the act of sex alone does not constitute marriage is based on the meaning and significance of marriage. The biblical picture of marriage involves the union of a man and woman in every way possible: mentally, emotionally, morally, spiritually, economically, and, yes, physically. Sex joins a man and woman physically and to some extent emotionally, but there is no other union that results. To reduce marriage to the physical union of two people is to disrespect God’s design and ignore most of what marriage is. Third, marriage requires commitment, and sex does not. In fact, sex cannot provide a sufficient basis for establishing an ongoing relationship. The 1994 movie *Speed* closes with the two main characters, Jack and Annie, embracing. Jack tells Annie, “I have to warn you, I’ve heard relationships based on intense experiences never work,” to which Annie replies, “OK. We’ll have to base it on sex then.” And they kiss, and the credits roll. Such dialogue is comically fictitious and only works in Hollywood. Committed relationships are grounded in the union of will and intellect and material resources. That’s why cultures worldwide have developed accepted ways of formalizing the marital relationship to make it socially and legally binding. If an unmarried couple has sex, does that mean they are married? No. The idea is foreign to the Bible, in which premarital sex is considered the sin of fornication. Sexual intercourse may have joined the couple physically for a moment, but that is quite different from God joining them together as husband and wife. It could be that premarital sex will lead to a “shotgun wedding” and a ceremony that “makes an honest man” of the groom. But it’s the ceremony that ties the knot, not the act of sex. Sex is an important aspect of marriage according to God’s design of intertwining a man and a woman in a committed, lifelong relationship. Sex between unmarried people, though it mimics the physical act of marriage, does not equal marriage.

Should a married person have a close friend of the opposite sex?

Answer Genesis 2:23\-24 describes the creation of marriage with verse 24 revealing the closeness of relationship that a husband and wife share: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” The marriage relationship is to be honored as the most significant, yet a husband and wife will still have other relationships. Should married men and women only have relationships with those of the same sex? Is it sinful for a married person to have a close friend of the opposite sex? God designed marriage to be a unique union between a man and a woman in a [covenant](what-is-a-covenant.html) for life. God’s design for marriage includes sex, the consummation of that union, which is to be experienced only between a married man and woman. Any sexual expression outside the marriage covenant is sin. Yet, God calls believers to have meaningful relationships in the body of Christ. Married or single, male or female, believers are called to have relationships—same sex and opposite sex—that reflect Christ to the world by our love for one another (John 13:35\). Believers are a family (Ephesians 2:19\), and God calls us into meaningful relationships with each other. Our love for one another is governed by loving God and loving each other as brothers and sisters in Christ (1 Timothy 5:1–2\). The Bible speaks of the value of friends (Proverbs 18:24; 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9\) and gives us dozens of “one another” commands showing us how to relate to each another. We are called to love one another (John 13:34; Romans 13:8\), serve one another (Galatians 5:13\), encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18\), and spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24\). These instructions are for all believers, not simply those of the same sex. At the same time, having a close friend of the opposite sex has led many into sin. First Corinthians 6:18 instructs us to “flee from sexual immorality,” and Ephesians 5:3 declares that there “must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, impurity, or greed” among us. These are strong warnings. The many failures of men and women of God over the centuries reveal the reason God warned so clearly of the dangers of temptation in opposite\-gender relationships. What should be the response then? Should a married person not have any close friends of the opposite sex? Clearly, it is not God’s will for us to cut ourselves off from meaningful relationships with 50 percent of the world’s population the moment we get married. Still, there are clear barriers that should not be trespassed, and it is wise to not even come close to those barriers. Some have chosen to live by what is commonly known as the “Billy Graham rule” of not allowing yourself to ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex other than your spouse or an immediate family member. This is a good option and will surely minimize opportunities for temptation and/or accusations. For this reason, many pastors and counselors avoid meeting alone with a member of the opposite sex. They ask an additional person to be present in the room, and, if the door must be closed, they make sure the room has a window. Setting such personal boundaries is wise, and having rules that go beyond the scriptural prohibition is likely the right decision for some. Care should be taken, though, that following personal rules does not result in [legalism](Bible-Christian-legalism.html). The biblical commands are “Do not commit adultery” and “Flee temptation.” However, there is a difference between explicit commands and personal applications. “Never, under any circumstance, be alone with a person of the opposite sex” is not a biblical command. Neither is “Never be vulnerable or have any degree of emotional intimacy with a person of the opposite sex.” Developing biblical convictions that work for us is good and right. But they may not be the same convictions that God desires for everyone else. Our personal convictions should not be treated as if they were universal biblical commands. For those in Christian leadership, even more care should be taken. Christian leaders are to be “above reproach” and have a “good reputation with outsiders” (1 Timothy 3:1–7\). Accusations, even when proven false, can have a devastating impact on a ministry. Therefore, ministers should do everything possible to not give anyone an opportunity to slander (Matthew 5:11; 1 Peter 3:16\). Keeping that in mind, 1 Peter 5:1 instructs elders to shepherd the flock, not half of the flock. Can a flock truly thrive if half of the sheep lack meaningful contact with the shepherd? With all that said, here are some principles to consider: • We have to stop looking at people of the opposite sex as potential objects to fulfill our lusts. Men and women are to relate to each other in meaningful and appropriate ways. We are to see those of the opposite sex as fellow bearers of God’s image (Genesis 1:26–27\) and believers of the opposite sex as our brothers or sisters. • If married, we have to give our spouse priority in all relationships (Genesis 2:24\). We should never seek to get something from an opposite\-sex friend that we are not receiving from our spouse. We must always be open and honest with our spouse regarding our relationships—all of them, not just those that involve the opposite sex. If your spouse has concerns about a relationship, take those concerns seriously. • While we must be careful to not even give the “appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22\), we can’t constantly worry about how everything might be misperceived by others. Romans 14:4 declares, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” We must live above approach and seek to please God not man (1 Thessalonians 2:4\). • Men and women are different. If you only spend time with people of the same sex, you run the risk of creating an echo chamber. It is important to have meaningful relationships with members of the opposite sex. They will see different things in and about you. They will encourage, love, serve, and spur you differently. They may even notice areas of needed change that your spouse has grown accustomed to—or that you’ve ignored when your spouse pointed them out. The Bible clearly calls us to have meaningful relationships in the body of Christ. We will be spending eternity worshiping and serving God together. Male and female are one in Christ (Galatians 3:28\). Yes, we should set safeguards to protect our reputation. Absolutely, we must flee temptation. But impactful relationships in the body of Christ, male and female, married or single, can be beneficial, edifying, encouraging, and most importantly, honoring and glorifying to God.

How does God’s sovereignty work together with free will?

Answer It is impossible for us to fully understand the dynamics of a holy God molding and shaping the will of man. Scripture is clear that God knows the future (Matthew 6:8; Psalm 139:1\-4\) and has total sovereign control over all things (Colossians 1:16\-17; Daniel 4:35\). The Bible also says that we must choose God or be eternally separated from Him. We are held responsible for our actions (Romans 3:19; 6:23; 9:19\-21\). How these facts work together is impossible for a finite mind to comprehend (Romans 11:33\-36\). People can take one of two extremes in regard to this question. Some emphasize the sovereignty of God to the point that human beings are little more than robots simply doing what they have been sovereignly programmed to do. Others emphasize free will to the point of God not having complete control and/or knowledge of all things. Neither of these positions is biblical. The truth is that God does not violate our wills by choosing us and redeeming us. Rather, He changes our hearts so that our wills choose Him. “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19\), and “You did not choose me, but I chose you” (John 15:16\). What are we to do then? First, we are to trust in the Lord, knowing that He is in control (Proverbs 3:5\-6\). God’s sovereignty is supposed to be a comfort to us, not an issue to be concerned about or debate over. Second, we are to live our lives making wise decisions in accordance with God’s Word (2 Timothy 3:16\-17; James 1:5\). There will be no excuses before God for why we chose to disobey Him. We will have no one to blame but ourselves for our sin. Last but not least, we are to worship the Lord, praising Him that He is so wonderful, infinite, powerful, full of grace and mercy—and sovereign.

How do I get a passion for Jesus?

Answer This question fits right in with God’s greatest commandment, found in Deuteronomy 6:4\-5, to love our God with all of our being. Here is some guidance in how to bring that about from Scripture: 1\) It goes without saying that we cannot love someone we do not know. Get to know God and what He has done for you. Before the command to love God is given in Deuteronomy 6:5, the statement is made, “Hear O Israel, The LORD our God is one LORD.” One aspect of this statement is that He is unique, and the better we get to know what He is like, the easier it will be for us to love Him with our whole being. This also involves getting to know what He has done for us. Again, before the first command is given in Exodus 20:3, God states what He had done for Israel in bringing them out of slavery in Egypt. Likewise, in Romans 12:1\-2, the command to offer our lives as living sacrifices is prefaced with the word therefore\-\-a word meant to remind us of all of the mercies of God toward us recorded in the previous chapters. To grow in love with God, one needs to get to know Him. He has revealed Himself in nature (Romans 1\), but so much more through His Word. We need to make daily Bible study a perpetual habit—as much a part of our lives as eating every day. We would do well to remember that the Bible is more than a book; it is truly God’s love letter to us, revealing His love for us through the centuries, especially through the ministry of Jesus Christ, His Son. We must read the Bible as a letter from Him, asking His Holy Spirit to speak to our hearts about what He wants us to glean from it that day. Memorizing important verses and passages is also essential, as is thinking of ways to apply what we learn (Joshua 1:8\). 2\) Follow Jesus’ example of praying constantly and consistently. When we examine the life of Jesus as well as that of Daniel and others who had a passion for God, we find that prayer was a vital ingredient in their relationships with God (even a quick reading of the gospels and the Book of Daniel reveals this). As with Bible study, prayer—sincere and open communication with God—is essential. You cannot imagine a man and woman growing in love without communicating, so prayer cannot be neglected without expecting one’s love for God to grow cold. Prayer is part of the armor against our greatest enemies (Ephesians 6:18\). We may have a desire to love God, but we will fail in our walk without prayer (Matthew 26:41\). 3\) Walk closely with Him NOW. Daniel and his three friends chose to obey God and refused to compromise in even the food they ate (Daniel 1\). The others who were brought from Judah to Babylon as prisoners with them caved in and are never mentioned again. When the Jewish prisoners of war had their convictions challenged in a far greater way, it was only these few who stood alone for God (Daniel 3 and 6\). In order to ensure that we will be passionate for God later, we need to walk with Him now and begin to obey Him in the smallest tests! Peter learned this the hard way by following God “at a distance,” rather than identifying himself more closely with Christ before his temptation to deny Him (Luke 22:54\). God says that where a man’s treasure is, there his heart will be also. As we invest our lives in God through serving Him and being on the receiving end of persecution for Him, our treasure will increasingly lie with Him, and so will our hearts (1 Timothy 3:12; Matthew 6:21\). 4\) Eliminate the competition. Jesus said it is impossible to have two masters (Matthew 6:24\). We are tempted to love the world (those things which please our eyes, make us feel good about ourselves, and gratify our fleshly desires) (1 John 2:15\-17\). James says that to seek to embrace the world and its friendship is enmity (hatred) toward God and spiritual adultery (James 4:4\). We need to get rid of those things in our lives (friends who would lead us the wrong way, things that take up our time and energy and keep us from serving God more fully, pursuit of popularity, pursuit of possessions, and the pursuit of physical and emotional gratifications). God promises that if we pursue Him, He will not only provide for our needs (Matthew 6:33\) but will give us our desires as well (Psalm 37:4\-5\). 5\) If straying, begin to do what helped you grow in love with God in the first place. It is not uncommon to have dips in a relationship. Peter dipped in his (Luke 22:54\), and David dipped in his (2 Samuel 11\), but they got up and pursued after God once again. John, in Revelation 2:4, states it is not a case of “losing” one’s love but “leaving” one’s love. The cure is to do the “first works,” those things that caused one to grow in love with God in the first place. This would include those items mentioned above. The first step in this is confession and receiving the forgiveness and restored fellowship that are the result of that confession (1 John 1:9\). There is no doubt that God will bless the pursuit of a passion for Him and will glorify His name through it.

Does a Christian have two natures?

Answer The first problem that comes up with this question is one of semantics. For example, many prefer "sin nature," others prefer "sinful nature," and still others prefer the ambiguous "flesh." Whatever the specific names used for the warring parties, what is relevant is that an ongoing battle rages within the Christian. The second problem is the actual definition of "nature." How this significant word is defined determines how one sees the distinction between the “old man” and the “new man” and its relevant outworking in the life of the Christian. One way to view "nature" is to understand it as a "capacity" within a believer. Thus, the old man is interpreted as the former way of life, that of an unbeliever. In this sense, the Christian has two competing capacities within him—the old capacity to sin and the new capacity to resist sinning. The unbeliever has no such competition within; he does not have the capacity for godliness because he has only the sin nature. That’s not to say he cannot do “good works,” but his motivation for those works is always tainted by his sinfulness. In addition, he cannot resist sinning because he doesn’t have the capacity to not sin. The believer, on the other hand, has the capacity for godliness because the Spirit of God lives within him or her. He still has the capacity for sin as well, but he now has the ability to resist sin and, more importantly, the desire to resist and to live godly. When Christ was crucified, the old man was crucified with Him, resulting in the Christian’s no longer being a slave to sin (Romans 6:6\). We “have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness” (Romans 6:18\). At the moment of conversion, the Christian receives a new nature. It is instantaneous. Sanctification, on the other hand, is the process by which God develops our new nature, enabling us to grow into more holiness through time. This is a continuous process with many victories and defeats as the new nature battles with the “tent” in which it resides—the old man, old nature, flesh. In Romans 7, Paul explains the battle that rages continually in even the most spiritually mature people. He laments that he does what he doesn’t want to do and, in fact, does the evil he detests. He says that is the result of “sin living in me” (Romans 7:20\). He delights in God’s law according to his “inner being,” but he sees another law at work in “the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members” (v. 23\). Here is the classic example of the two entities, whatever terms they may carry. The point is that the battle is real, and it is one Christians will wage throughout their lives. This is why believers are encouraged to put to death the deeds of the body (Romans 8:13\), to put to death that which makes a Christian sin (Colossians 3:5\), and to put aside other sins such as anger, wrath, malice, etc. (Colossians 3:8\). All this to say that the Christian has two natures—the old and the new—but the new nature needs continual renewing (Colossians 3:10\). This renewing, of course, is a lifetime process for the Christian. Even though the battle against sin is constant, we are no longer under the control of sin (Romans 6:6\). The believer is truly a “new creation” in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17\), and it is Christ who will ultimately “rescue \[us] from this body of death. Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24–25\).

How can I experience joy in my Christian life?

Answer Joy is something we all long for but that often seems difficult to grab hold of. Experiencing joy should be a part of every Christian’s life. Joy is a [fruit of the Holy Spirit](fruit-Holy-Spirit-joy.html), produced by God’s work in us, and it is part of God’s will for us. We know that even the most mature of God’s people experience periods of joylessness. For instance, Job wished he had never been born (Job 3:11\). David prayed to be taken away to a place where he would not have to deal with reality (Psalm 55:6–8\). Elijah, even after defeating 450 prophets of Baal with fire called down from heaven (1 Kings 18:16–46\), fled into the desert and asked God to take his life (1 Kings 19:3–5\). If these men struggled, how can we experience consistent joy in the Christian life? The first thing is to realize that joy is a gift from God. The root word for *joy* in the Greek is *chara*, which is closely related with the Greek [*charis*](charis-in-the-Bible.html) for “grace.” Joy is both a gift of God as well as a response to the gifts of God. Joy comes when we are aware of God’s grace and relish His favor. With this in mind, it’s evident that one way to experience joy is to focus on God. Rather than dwelling on our difficulties or those things robbing our contentment, we can dwell on God. This is not to say we should deny our discontent or stuff negative emotions. Following the example of many of the psalmists, we can pour out our hearts to God. We can tell Him bluntly all the things that ail us. But then we submit those things to Him, remember who He is, and are happy in Him. Psalms 3, 13, 18, 43, and 103 are good examples. The book of Philippians has much to say about joy, even though Paul wrote the epistle from prison. Philippians 4:4–8 gives some guidelines for experiencing joy in the Christian life: “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! . . . The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Here we see the importance of praising God, remembering that He is near, praying about our worries, and keeping our minds focused on the good things of God. We can experience joy when we intentionally praise. David wrote that the study of God’s Word can bring us joy (Psalm 19:8\). We experience joy by communing with God through prayer. And we experience joy by keeping our focus on godly things rather than on difficult circumstances or discontentment. Jesus also gave some instructions regarding joy. In John 15 He talked about abiding in Him and obeying Him. He said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (John 15:9–11\). One of the keys to joy is living in obedience to God. Another way to experience joy in the Christian life is through community. God gave Elijah rest and then sent a man, Elisha, to help him (1 Kings 19:19–21\). We, too, need friends that we can share our hurts and pains with (Ecclesiastes 4:9–12\). Hebrews 10:19–25 says, “Brothers and sisters . . . let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Because of the grace of God, we know we can approach God confidently in prayer (Hebrews 10:19\). We know we are cleansed of our sin (Hebrews 10:22\). And we are joined into a new community, a family of believers. With our fellow believers, we hold firm to our faith, trusting in the character of God. We also encourage one another. Christians do not belong to this world (John 17:14–16; Philippians 3:20\). We long to be with God, finally restored to our original design. Life can be lonely and discouraging. Others help remind us of truth, carry our burdens with us, and strengthen us to continue on (Galatians 6:10; Colossians 3:12–14\). Joy is meant to be a hallmark of the Christian life. It is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and a gift of God. We best receive this gift when we focus on the truth of who God is, commune with Him through prayer, and rely on the community of believers He has provided.

How can I evangelize my friends and family without pushing them away?

Answer At some point, every Christian has had a family member, a friend, co\-worker, or acquaintance who is not a Christian. Sharing the gospel with others can be difficult, and it can become even more difficult when it involves someone with whom we have close emotional ties. The Bible tells us that some people will be offended at the gospel (Luke 12:51–53\). However, we are commanded to share the gospel, and there is no excuse for not doing so (Matthew 28:19–20; Acts 1:8; 1 Peter 3:15\). So, how can we evangelize our family members, friends, co\-workers, and acquaintances? The most important thing we can do is [pray for them](praying-for-the-unsaved.html). Pray that God would change their hearts and open their eyes to the truth of the gospel (2 Corinthians 4:4\). Pray that God would convince them of His love for them and their need for salvation through Jesus Christ (John 3:16\). Pray for wisdom as to how to best minister to them (James 1:5\). We must be willing and bold in our actual sharing of the [gospel](gospel-message.html). Proclaim the message of salvation through Jesus Christ to your friends and family (Romans 10:9–10\). Always be prepared to speak of your faith (1 Peter 3:15\), doing so with gentleness and respect. There is no substitute for personally sharing the gospel: “Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ” (Romans 10:17\). In addition to praying and sharing our faith, we must also live godly Christian lives in front of our friends and family members so they can see the change God has made in us (1 Peter 3:1–2\). Ultimately, we must leave the salvation of our loved ones up to God. It is God’s power and grace that saves people, not our efforts. The best we can do is pray for them, witness to them, and live the Christian life in front of them. It is God who gives the increase (1 Corinthians 3:6\).

How can I forgive those who sin against me?

Answer Everyone has been wronged, offended, and sinned against at some point. How are Christians to respond when such offenses occur against them? According to the Bible, we are to forgive others. Ephesians 4:32 declares, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Similarly, Colossians 3:13 proclaims, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” The key in both Scriptures is that we are to forgive fellow believers as God has forgiven us. Why do we forgive? Because we have been forgiven! Our forgiveness of others should reflect God’s forgiveness of us. In order to forgive those who sin against us, we must first of all understand God’s forgiveness. God does not just forgive everyone automatically with no preconditions—if He did, there would be no [lake of fire](lake-of-fire.html) in Revelation 20:14–15\. Forgiveness, properly understood, involves [repentance](repentance.html) on the sinner’s part and love and grace on God’s part. The love and grace are there, but the repentance is often lacking. So, the Bible’s command for us to forgive one another does not mean we ignore sin. It means we gladly, gracefully, lovingly extend forgiveness to those who repent. We are always willing to forgive when given the opportunity. Not just seven times, but “seventy times seven” times (Matthew 18:22, KJV). Refusing to forgive a person who requests it demonstrates resentment, bitterness, and anger, none of which are the traits of a true Christian. To forgive those who sin against us requires patience and forbearance. The church has the command to “be patient with everyone” (1 Thessalonians 5:14\). We should be able to overlook personal slights and minor offenses. Jesus said, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, [turn to them the other cheek also](turn-other-cheek.html)” (Matthew 5:39\). Not every “slap in the face” needs a response. To forgive those who sin against us requires the transformational power of God in our lives. There is something deep within fallen human nature that thirsts for revenge and urges retaliation in kind. We naturally want to inflict the same type of injury on the one who injured us—an eye for an eye seems only fair. In Christ, however, we have been given the power to love our enemies, do good to the haters, bless the cursers, and pray for the abusers (see Luke 6:27–28\). Jesus gives us a heart that is willing to forgive and will work to that end. Forgiving those who sin against us is made easier when we consider the extent to which God forgives our transgressions. We who have been lavished with grace have no right to withhold grace from others. We have sinned against God infinitely more than any person can sin against us. Jesus’ [parable](parable-unforgiving-servant.html) in Matthew 18:23–35 is a powerful illustration of this truth. God promises that, when we come to Him asking for forgiveness, He freely grants it (1 John 1:9\). The grace we extend to those who seek our forgiveness should be just as readily available (Luke 17:3–4\).

What is the anointing?

Answer In the Bible, anointing with [oil](anointing-oil.html) is performed in religious ceremonies and used for grooming (Ruth 3:3; Matthew 6:17\), refreshment (Luke 7:46\), medicinal treatments (Luke 10:34\), and burial traditions (Mark 16:1\). Ceremonial anointing in the Old Testament was a physical act involving the smearing, rubbing, or pouring of sacred oil on someone’s head (or on an object) as an outward symbol that God had chosen and set apart the person (or object) for a specific holy purpose. The Hebrew term *mashach* meant “to anoint or smear with oil.” The oil used for religious anointing was carefully blended with fine spices according to a specific formula prescribed by the Lord (Exodus 30:22–32\). Using this oil for any other purpose was a serious offense carrying the penalty of being “cut off” from the community (Exodus 30:33\). Kings, priests, and prophets were anointed outwardly with oil to symbolize a more profound spiritual reality—that God’s presence was with them and His favor was upon them (Psalm 20:6; 28:8\). While David was still a young shepherd, God told Samuel to anoint him to become king over Israel (1 Samuel 16:3\). From that day forward, the Spirit of the Lord rested powerfully upon David’s life (1 Samuel 16:13; Psalm 89:20\). Centuries before David’s time, the Lord had instructed Moses to consecrate [Aaron](life-Aaron.html) and his sons to serve as priests (Exodus 28:41; 30:30; Leviticus 8:30; 10:7\). God authenticated their priestly ministry with the fiery glory of His presence that consumed their offerings. Holy items, including the tabernacle itself, were also set apart or consecrated by anointing for use in worship and sacrificial ceremonies (Genesis 28:18; Exodus 30:26–29; 40:9–11\). The Bible contains a literal reference to a prophet’s anointing when the Lord commanded [Elijah](life-Elijah.html) to anoint [Elisha](life-Elisha.html) as the prophet to succeed him (1 Kings 19:16\). It also includes metaphorical references to anointing to indicate that prophets were empowered and protected by the Spirit of the Lord to perform their calling (1 Chronicles 16:22; Psalm 105:15\). Anointing the head with oil was also an ancient custom of hospitality shown to honored guests. In Psalm 23:5, King David pictures himself as an esteemed guest at the Lord’s table. This practice of anointing a dinner guest with oil reappears in the Gospels (Luke 7:46; Mark 14:3–9; John 12:3\). In the New Testament, Jesus Christ reveals Himself as our anointed King, Priest, and Prophet. He is God’s Holy and chosen Son, the [Messiah](what-does-Messiah-mean.html). In fact, *Messiah*, which literally means “anointed one,” is derived from the Hebrew word for “anointed.” *Christ* (Gr. *Christos*) means “the anointed one.” Jesus declared at the launch of His ministry, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor . . . to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free” (Luke 4:18; cf. Isaiah 61:1\). Jesus Christ fulfilled Old Testament prophecy as the Anointed One, the chosen Messiah (Luke 4:21\). He proved His anointing through the miracles He performed and the life He sacrificed as Savior of the world (Acts 10:38\). There is also a sense in which Christians today are anointed. Through Jesus Christ, believers receive “an anointing from the Holy One” (1 John 2:20\). This anointing is not expressed in an outward ceremony but through sharing in the gift of the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:11\). At the moment of salvation, believers are indwelt by the Holy Spirit and joined to Christ, the Anointed One. As a result, we partake of His anointing (2 Corinthians 1:21–22\). According to one scholar, this anointing “expresses the sanctifying influences of the Holy Spirit upon Christians who are priests and kings unto God” (Smith, W., “Anointing,” *Smith’s Bible Dictionary*, revised ed., Thomas Nelson, 2004\). The New Testament also associates anointing oil with healing and prayer. When Jesus sent out the disciples to preach the gospel, “they cast out many demons and healed many sick people, anointing them with olive oil” (Mark 6:13, NLT). James instructs believers to “call the elders of the church to pray over them” when they are sick “and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord” for healing (James 5:14\). Those in [Charismatic](Charismatic-movement.html) religious circles speak of “the anointing” as something Christians can and should be seeking. It is common for them to speak of “anointed” preachers, sermons, ministries, songs, etc., and to advise others to “unlock their anointing” or “walk in the anointing.” The idea is that the anointing is an outpouring of God’s power to accomplish a task through the anointed one. Charismatics claim there are corporate anointings as well as various types of individual anointings: the five\-fold anointing; the apostolic anointing; and, for women, the Ruth anointing, the Deborah anointing, the Anna anointing, etc. Some even speak of a “Davidic anointing” upon musical instruments—“anointed” instruments are played by God Himself to drive away demons and take worship to a higher level than ever before. Special anointings are said to allow a person to use his spiritual gift to a “higher degree.” Charismatics say that special anointings are received by “releasing one’s faith.” Much of the Charismatic teaching on the anointing goes beyond what Scripture says. In their hunger for signs and wonders, many Charismatics seek new and ever more titillating experiences, and that requires more outpourings, more spiritual baptisms, and more anointings. But the Bible points to one anointing of the Spirit, just as it points to one baptism: “As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you” (1 John 2:27; see also 2 Timothy 1:14\). This same passage also refutes another misconception, viz., that Satan can somehow “steal” a believer’s anointing. We don’t need to worry about losing the anointing we received because Scripture says it *remains*. Another aberrant teaching concerning the anointing of the Spirit is the “*Mimshach* anointing.” *Mimshach* is a Hebrew word related to *mashach* (“anoint”) and found only in Ezekiel 28:14, where the anointing is said to “cover” (NKJV) or “cover and protect” (AMP). According to some, the *Mimshach* anointing (which was bestowed on Lucifer before his fall) is available now to believers. Receiving this anointing will cause everything one touches to increase or expand, and the anointed one will experience greater levels of success, material gain, health, and power. Rather than chase after a new anointing, believers should remember they *already* have the gift of the [Holy Spirit](who-Holy-Spirit.html). The Spirit is not given in part, He does not come in portions or doses, and He is not taken away. We have the promise that “his divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3\).

Do we sin daily?

Answer While there is not a Bible verse that specifically states we commit a sinful act each day, we do have verses that remind us that we have inherited the capacity to sin at any moment. "Sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned" (Romans 5:12\). "Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me" (Psalm 51:5\). In addition, we have commands that we know we never keep, much less on a daily basis. For instance, who can claim to love God with all his heart, mind and soul every moment of every day? No one. Yet, that is the greatest commandment (Matthew 22:36\-38\). Failing to love God completely at all times is a daily sin for all Christians. We also have a verse that warns us of the deceitfulness of our old sinful nature, which in a sense is warning us of the potential, if not the likelihood, of daily sin. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9\). Even the apostle Paul was frustrated with his own battle against indwelling sin. "For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members" (Romans 7:22\-23\). This capacity to sin led him to cry in desperation, "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Romans 7:24\). Solomon knew full well that he and all men not only have the potential for sin, but that we all exercise that capacity routinely. As he stated in his prayer at the dedication of the temple, "If they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin…" (1 Kings 8:46\). And Solomon spoke of it again in the book of Ecclesiastes: "Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins" (Ecclesiastes 7:20\). Again, while these verses do not unequivocally indicate daily sin, they certainly warn us against the pride of saying at any moment that we have no sin. The good news is that we will not have to strive forever against daily sin. One day we will be in heaven with our Savior and will be freed from the presence and power of sin, just as we have already been freed from its penalty.

What does the Bible say about forgiving yourself?

Answer The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness, but it does not specifically address the concept of forgiving oneself. Usually, we talk about “forgiving yourself” when a person expresses [persistent guilt](guilt-dealing.html) over past sin or remorse over negative consequences caused by an earlier decision. We might personally feel the need to “forgive ourselves” for our mistakes in order to move forward in our lives. Forgiving yourself ultimately comes from understanding [God’s forgiveness](forgiveness-of-sin.html). The Bible is clear that every human has sinned against God (Romans 3:23\), and that all our wrongdoing is against God (Psalm 51:4; Genesis 39:9\). Thus, the essential thing we need is God’s forgiveness, which is available to us through the person and work of Jesus Christ. All who put their faith in Jesus are fully forgiven of their sins. They are counted as righteous before God, eternally justified (Romans 5:1–11; Ephesians 1:13–14; 2:1–10\). We do, of course, still struggle with sin, but God is faithful to cleanse us when we confess to Him and restore us to right fellowship with Him (1 John 1:9; 2:1–2\). Jesus’ sacrifice was enough for any and all of our sins. Forgiving yourself, then, actually has to do with receiving God’s forgiveness. It is helpful to compare our forgiveness of others with our forgiveness of ourselves. Matthew 18:21–35 records the [parable of the unmerciful servant](parable-unforgiving-servant.html). In it, a master forgives the exorbitant debt of one of his servants, only for that servant to demand a much smaller amount from a fellow servant. The master said, “Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” (Matthew 18:33\). As we have received forgiveness from God, we are to extend that forgiveness to others. There are no higher standards than God’s. Our sins against one another are sins against God; it is His laws that we have transgressed. There is no way a person, including ourselves, could sin against us more than against God. When we understand that God’s standards are what count and that He has graciously extended forgiveness to us, we can extend that same forgiveness to others—and to ourselves. While this might be simple to understand in concept, forgiving yourself can be difficult in practice. We regret our bad decisions, and we are remorseful over the ways they have hurt ourselves and others. The enemy continues to accuse us and remind us of our sins. Others in our lives might do the same. There are times we might even think it is repentant or laudable to refuse to forgive ourselves, as if our punishment of ourselves will atone for our sins. But that is not at all the message of the gospel. In fact, the Bible is quite clear that we could never make up for our own sins. We are sinners who are dead in transgression (Romans 3:23; 6:23; Ephesians 2:1–10\) and hopeless apart from Christ (John 3:16–18, 36; Romans 5:6–8\). The gospel tells us that God’s wrath for our sins has been poured out on Jesus; justice has been served. Living in guilt or self\-punishment is a denial of the truth of the gospel. Oddly enough, forgiving yourself means admitting your own sinfulness. It requires admitting that we are imperfect and unable to become perfect on our own. It means acknowledging the depths of our depravity. It means rejecting the idea that our efforts will ever atone for our wrongdoings. But it also means receiving and walking in the fullness of God’s grace. When we humble ourselves and receive God’s grace, we can let go of our own angst against ourselves for our wrongs. We come to understand that the Creator of the universe loved us so much that He not only made us, but overcame our rebellion against Him. The wonderful thing about God’s forgiveness is that it is not merely transactional; it is relational. When we are saved, we become children of God (John 1:12\). We receive the indwelling Holy Spirit who transforms us (Philippians 2:12–13\). He is with us forever (John 14:16–17; Ephesians 1:13–14\). Our sins do have genuine and often heartbreaking consequences in our lives. But God is faithful to use even that for His glory and our good (Romans 8:28–30; 2 Corinthians 1:3–7\). We are not left to wallow in the consequences of our sins. Instead, God helps us endure through them, and we can see His redemptive abilities (James 1:2–5\). Forgiving yourself can be especially difficult when your sin has had a negative impact on someone else. It is important to seek forgiveness from those we have wronged and to reconcile where possible. Again, God is the one who enables this reconciliation. Living in shame will not fix a broken relationship or remove the harm that you have done. But the truth of the gospel can. [Paul](life-Paul.html), in many ways, set an example of forgiving oneself. He had been a violent persecutor of the church. But rather than live in shame and regret over what he’d done, or think that God could not use him, or constantly remind himself of his sin, he spread the gospel broadly. This was not from penance or trying to make up for his past. Rather, it was out of understanding God’s great salvation. Paul writes, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen” (1 Timothy 1:15–17\). Paul’s sin actually became an avenue by which God was glorified. Rather than refuse to forgive himself, Paul readily received God’s forgiveness and rejoiced in it. In Romans 7—8 we see another example of this. Paul bemoans his continual struggle with his [sin nature](sin-nature.html), a battle common to every believer in Christ. But he doesn’t say he’ll just try harder or that he’ll never forgive himself. Rather, he says, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (Romans 7:24—8:2\). Reminders of past sin can be used as prompts to praise God for His mercy and grace. Current negative consequences from our past sin can be reminders of God’s faithfulness in the midst of them. They can be prompts to prayer and reliance on God for endurance, rescue, and transformation. Forgiving yourself is actually just receiving God’s forgiveness in its fullness. In that, there is much freedom (Galatians 5:1\)!

Does the Bible instruct us to forgive and forget?

Answer The phrase “forgive and forget” is not found in the Bible. However, there are numerous verses commanding us to “forgive one another” (e.g., Matthew 6:14 and Ephesians 4:32\). A Christian who is not willing to forgive others will find his fellowship with God hindered (Matthew 6:15\) and can reap bitterness and the loss of reward (Hebrews 12:14–15; 2 John 1:8\). Forgiveness is a decision of the will. Since God commands us to forgive, we must make a conscious choice to obey God and forgive. The offender may not desire forgiveness and may not ever change, but that doesn’t negate God’s desire that we possess a forgiving spirit (Matthew 5:44\). Ideally, the offender will seek reconciliation, but, if not, the one wronged can still make a decision to forgive. Of course, it is impossible to truly forget sins that have been committed against us. We cannot selectively “delete” events from our memory. The Bible states that God does not “remember” our wickedness (Hebrews 8:12\). But God is still all\-knowing. God remembers that we have “sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23\). But, having been forgiven, we are positionally (or judicially) [justified](justification.html). Heaven is ours, as if our sin had never occurred. If we belong to Him through faith in Christ, God does not condemn us for our sins (Romans 8:1\). In that sense God “forgives and forgets.” If by “forgive and forget” one means, “I choose to forgive the offender for the sake of Christ and move on with my life,” then this is a wise and godly course of action. As much as possible, we should forget what is behind and strive toward what is ahead (Philippians 3:13\). We should forgive each other “just as in Christ God forgave” (Ephesians 4:32\). We must not allow a root of bitterness to spring up in our hearts (Hebrews 12:15\). However, if by “forgive and forget” one means, “I will act as if the sin had never occurred and live as if I don’t remember it,” then we can run into trouble. For example, a rape victim can choose to forgive the rapist, but that does *not* mean she should act as if that sin had never happened. To spend time alone with the rapist, especially if he is unrepentant, is not what Scripture teaches. Forgiveness involves not holding a sin against a person any longer, but forgiveness is different from trust. It is wise to take precautions, and sometimes the dynamics of a relationship will have to change. “The prudent see danger and take refuge, / but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” (Proverbs 22:3\). Jesus told His followers to “be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16\). In the context of keeping company with unrepentant sinners, we must be “innocent” (willing to forgive) yet at the same time “shrewd” (being cautious). The ideal is for the offender to truly repent of the sin and for the offended to forgive and forget. The Bible tells us true repentance will result in a change of actions (Luke 3:8–14; Acts 3:19\) and that love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5\) and covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8\). However, changing hearts is God’s business, and, until an offender has a true, supernatural heart change, it is only wise to limit the level of trust one places in that person. Being cautious doesn’t mean we haven’t forgiven. It simply means we are not God and we cannot see that person’s heart.

How can I restore my soul?

Answer The only biblical passage that contains this phrase is Psalm 23:3: “He restores my soul.” This is in the context of the Shepherd who leads His sheep to “green pastures,” “quiet waters” and “paths of righteousness.” As Christians, we are the sheep of God’s pasture (Psalm 100:3\), and only He can restore our souls. To restore means "to repair, renovate, or return to a former condition." The soul is the deepest part of us, our spirit and innermost being. Since God is the one who made us, only He can restore us, because only He knows what we truly need to restore our souls. God has given us the answers about restoring our souls in the Bible—the Word of God (2 Timothy 3:16\-17\), and it has the answers and wisdom to deal with everything we will ever face. It can make us wise unto salvation (2 Timothy 3:15\), serve to encourage us when we are faint\-hearted (2 Corinthians 1:3\), and be our guidebook to a life of peace and satisfaction (Psalm 119:97\-105\). While there are all kinds of books written by men offering worldly wisdom, only God’s Word is truly capable of restoring the soul and offering hope in times of distress. Of course, restoring the soul is only possible for those whose souls have been redeemed through faith in Christ. Jesus promised rest to all those that would come to Him (Matthew 11:28\-30\), so it is important that we are sure of our salvation and our relationship with God. Only those who are truly born again in Christ can experience the peace and joy that God has promised in His Word. Thankfully, God has provided for us when we face [discouragement](overcoming-discouragement.html), trials and temptations. He has provided three primary sources of encouragement and strength. First, He has given us His Word to guide us, encourage us and nourish us spiritually. We need to spend time reading it, hearing it preached (Romans 10:17\) and most of all obeying it (Psalm 119:2; Proverbs 3:1\-2; James 1:25\). Second, God has also given us the privilege and power of prayer (Matthew 7:7\-11; Mark 11:24\-25; John 15:7; Hebrews 4:16; 1 John 5:14\). We need to take our problems, our discouragement and our tiredness to God in prayer, knowing that He loves us and cares for us (1 Peter 5:6\-7\). Third, He has given us other Christians to encourage us and support us (Ecclesiastes 4:9\-19; Ephesians 4:29; Hebrews 3:13\). It is important to be a part of a healthy, well\-balanced church and to regularly worship and fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:23\-25\). Christians who have gone through similar struggles can be a great source of encouragement and help as we go through dark times (2 Corinthians 1:3\-4\). Discouragement in times of trouble and tribulation is not unusual. Throughout the Bible we see examples of godly men and women who have faced similar situations. These examples can serve as encouragement to us today, because the same God who was faithful to them then will be faithful to us today. It’s helpful to begin by reading the Psalms because King David wrote many of these during the dark times in his life, and they can serve to encourage us when we are depressed, tired and discouraged. Because David had experienced the joy of a soul restored by God, he could pen the beautiful words of the 23rd Psalm: “He restores my soul.”

Why are there times when God seems silent / absent in a believer’s life?

Answer In answering this question, one is reminded of Elijah and his flight from Jezebel. Elijah was a man of God whom God used to do some mighty things. However, when word reached him that Jezebel had threatened his life, he ran (1 Kings chapter 19\). Elijah prayed to the LORD and in effect complained about how he was being treated: “He replied, ‘I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too’” (1 Kings 19:10\). The LORD'S answer to Elijah is thrilling: “The Lord said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.’ Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper” (1 Kings 19:11\-12\). We see in this passage of Scripture that what Elijah thought was not true. Elijah thought God was silent and that he was the only one left. God was not only “not silent,” but He had an army waiting in the wings so that Elijah was not alone: “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him” (1 Kings 19:18\). In our walk as born\-again believers, it may seem that God is silent, but God is never silent. What looks like silence and inactivity to us is God allowing us the opportunity to listen to “the still small voice” and to see the provisions that He has made for us by faith. God is involved in every area of a believer's life\-\-the very hairs on our heads are numbered (Mark 10:30; Luke 12:7\). However, there are times when we have to walk in obedience to the light that God has given us before He sheds more light on our path, because in this age of grace God speaks to us through His Word. “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it’” (Isaiah 55:8\-11\). Therefore, when God seems silent to us as born\-again believers, it may mean that we have stopped listening to His voice, we have allowed the cares of this world to plug our spiritual ears, or we have neglected His Word. God does not speak to us today in signs, wonders, fire, or wind. His Spirit speaks to us through the Word, and in that Word we have the “words of life.”

How can I increase my faith?

Answer All Christians want, or should want, to increase their faith. But those who have given their lives to Christ have come to realize that success does not come from our own human attempts; we always fail. First Corinthians 4:7 reminds us, “What makes you better than anyone else? What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if all you have is from God, why boast as though you have accomplished something on your own?” Without God, we are left to our own resources, which plague us with pride, stubbornness, indifference, insensitivity, and failure. The only one we can count on who absolutely will not fail us is God (Hebrews 13:5\). Beginning our journey of faith with God requires that we immerse ourselves in His Word (Romans 10:17; 1 Peter 2:2\). We must learn about His love, His justice, His mercy, and His plan. We must form a relationship with Him, so that we can know Him personally through His Son, Jesus Christ (John 17:3\). We should ask Him to reveal Himself to us and change us. The Bible promises that if we seek God, we will find Him (Matthew 7:7\). And if we allow Him to, He will transform us into new people who can know His will (Romans 12:2\). We have to be willing to die to our old selves and let go of the pride and selfishness that kept us from Him for so long. As God changes us, we will learn to develop the fruit that comes from the Holy Spirit, who dwells in all Christians (Galatians 5:22\-23; John 14:17\). As we walk in the Spirit, allowing Him to control our lives, we will begin to trust in Him. “Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all he has done” (Colossians 2:7\). If our trust in God is going to grow, we have to learn to step out in faith, moving out of our comfort zone and taking chances. If we believe that God will sustain us for that day, we can be free to carry out His will, regardless of the consequences. Whenever we face temptations, God will always provide a way out so that we will not be overcome (1 Corinthians 10:13\). We need to look for that way out, and praise God when we find it. First Peter 1:7 says He will use trials to test our faith and to make us stronger Christians; we will be given much honor if we can stand strong and not waver. “Yet faith comes from listening to this message of good news – the Good News about Christ” (Romans 10:17\).

What does the Bible say about holiness?

Answer In 1 Peter 1:13\-16, Peter writes to believers, "Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy.'" Peter is quoting from Leviticus 11:44 and Leviticus 19:2\. First, let’s look at God’s holiness. What does it mean that God is holy? Passages like 1 Samuel 2:2 and Isaiah 6:3 are just two of many examples of passages about God’s holiness. Another way to say it is absolute perfection. God is unlike any other (see Hosea 11:9\), and His holiness is the essence of that “otherness.” His very being is completely absent of even a trace of sin (James 1:13; Hebrews 6:18\). He is high above any other, and no one can compare to Him (Psalm 40:5\). God’s holiness pervades His entire being and shapes all His attributes. His love is a holy love, His mercy is holy mercy, and even His anger and wrath are holy anger and holy wrath. These concepts are difficult for humans to grasp, just as God is difficult for us to understand in His entirety. Next, what does it mean for us to be holy? When God told Israel to be holy in Leviticus 11 and 19, He was instructing them to be distinct from the other nations by giving them specific regulations to govern their lives. Israel is God’s chosen nation and God has set them apart from all other people groups. They are His special people, and consequently they were given standards that God wanted them to live by so the world would know they belonged to Him. When Peter repeats the Lord’s words in 1 Peter 1:16, he is talking specifically to believers. As believers, we need to be "set apart" from the world unto the Lord. We need to be living by God’s standards, not the world’s. God isn’t calling us to be perfect, but to be distinct from the world. First Peter 2:9 describes believers as "a holy nation." It is a fact! We are separated from the world; we need to live out that reality in our day\-to\-day lives, which Peter tells us how to do in 1 Peter 1:13\-16\. Finally, how can we become holy? Holiness only results from a right relationship with God by believing in Jesus Christ as Savior (accepting His gift of eternal life). If we have not placed our faith in God’s Son alone to save us from our sins, then our pursuit of holiness is in vain. So, we must first make sure we are born\-again believers (see John 3\). If we truly are believers, then we recognize that our position in Christ automatically sets us apart from the world (1 Peter 2:9\). After all, we have a relationship with the living God! Then we must daily live a set\-apart life, not trying to "blend in" with the world, but instead living according to God’s Word as we study the Bible and grow in it.

Should a Christian wear religious jewelry, such as a crucifix?

Answer There is debate as to whether or not it is appropriate—or even sinful—to wear religious jewelry like crosses and crucifixes. Christians did not begin wearing crosses around their necks until after crucifixion was no longer the primary source of capital punishment; therefore, it is not equivalent to a modern\-day person wearing a miniature death chamber around his neck, as some have suggested. Many look at the cross as simply the instrument of death used to slay our beloved Savior. Others see it as symbolic of Jesus’ death and resurrection, a potent reminder of the sacrifice and victory of Jesus, and a reminder of God’s gift of grace in offering us salvation. Because it was God’s will, Jesus willingly went to the cross, taking upon Himself the sins of the world, cleansing those who believe in Him of their own sins. The only reason Scripture would forbid wearing religious jewelry, like a cross or crucifix, would be if the object became an idol used for worship (1 Corinthians 10:14\) or if the wearer were consumed with how the jewelry made her look (1 Peter 3:3\) or if it became a stumbling block to others (1 Corinthians 8:9; Romans 14:13\). Many people wear religious jewelry as a fashion piece without concern for its symbolism or a desire to represent Christ. But that should not mean Christians can’t or shouldn’t wear it. Many Christians wear crosses as a proud expression of their love, respect, and service to Christ, along with a remembrance of what He did for us. Another concern is when people allow objects such as crosses, crucifixes, figurines, bumper stickers, etc., to take the place of the true change that should take place in our hearts. The things we wear, carry, or put on our cars are not what make us Christians. God is not concerned with what we wear as long as we do not dress in a way that would cause anyone to stumble in his or her walk with God (Romans 14:20\) and we are not absorbed with our looks or our possessions. He is searching out our hearts to find who is faithful to Him and whether we encourage and show love to others. It is not for any of us to judge whether wearing religious jewelry is proper or not; every Christian has to seek God’s approval in all he does. If it is not clearly outlined in Scripture whether a practice is lawful or edifying, then the practice is one better left to each person’s conscience.

How can I take control of my thoughts?

Answer Taking control of our thoughts is essential. Proverbs 4:23 states, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." The “heart” includes the mind and all that proceeds from it. Someone said that every sin we commit, we commit twice, once in our thoughts and again when we act upon those thoughts. It is easier to rid our lives of sin if we attack it at this fundamental thought level rather than waiting for it to become rooted in our lives by our actions and then try to pull it out. There is also a difference between being tempted (a thought entering into the mind) and sinning (dwelling upon an evil thought and wallowing in it). It is important to understand that when a thought enters our mind, we examine it based upon God’s Word and determine if we should continue down that path or reject the thought and replace it with another thought. If we have already allowed a habit to form in our thought lives, it becomes more difficult to change the path of our thoughts, even as it is hard to get a car out of a deep rut and onto a new track. Here are some biblical suggestions for taking control of our thoughts and getting rid of wrong thoughts: 1\. Be in God’s Word so that when a sinful thought enters our mind (a temptation), we will be able to recognize it for what it is and know what course to take. Jesus in the wilderness (Matthew 4\) responded to each of Satan’s temptations with Scripture that applied to the direction He knew His mind should take instead of beginning down the path of the sinful thought. When tempted to meet His physical need (turn stone into bread), He recited the passage about the importance of relying upon God. When tempted to serve Satan in order to obtain the glory of the world, He brought up the passage that says we are to serve and worship God alone and speak of the glory that belongs to Him and those who are His. When tempted to test God (to see if God was really there and would keep His promises), Jesus responded with passages that stress the importance of believing God without having to see Him demonstrate His presence. Quoting Scripture in a time of temptation is not a talisman, but rather serves the purpose of getting our minds onto a biblical track, but we need to know the Word of God AHEAD of time in order to accomplish this. Thus, a daily habit of being in the Word in a meaningful way is essential. If we are aware of a certain area of constant temptation (worry, lust, anger, etc.), we need to study and memorize key passages that deal with those issues. Looking for both what we are to avoid (negative) and how we are to properly respond (positive) to tempting thoughts and situations—before they are upon us—will go a long way to giving us victory over them. 2\. Live in dependence upon the Holy Spirit, chiefly through seeking His strength through prayer (Matthew 26:41\). If we rely upon our own strength, we will fail (Proverbs 28:26;Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 26:33\). 3\. We are not to feed our minds with that which will promote sinful thoughts. This is the idea of Proverbs 4:23\. We are to guard our hearts—what we allow into them and what we allow them to dwell on. Job 31:1 states, "I have made a covenant with my eyes; Why then should I look upon a young woman" (NKJV). Romans 13:14 states, "But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts." Thus, we are to avoid periodicals, videos, websites, conversations, and situations that will set us up for a fall. We should also avoid spending time with those who would encourage us down these wrong paths. 4\. We are to pursue hard after God, replacing sinful thoughts with godly pursuits and mindsets. This is the principle of replacement. When tempted to hate someone, we replace those hateful thoughts with godly actions: we do good to them, speak well of them, and pray for them (Matthew 5:44\). Instead of stealing, we should work hard to earn money so we can look for opportunities to give to others in need (Ephesians 4:28\). When tempted to lust after a woman, we turn our gaze, praise God for the way He has made us—male and female—and pray for the woman (for example: "Lord, help this young woman to come to know you if she does not, and to know the joy of walking with you"), then think of her as a sister (1 Timothy 5:2\). The Bible often speaks of "putting off" wrong actions and thoughts but then "putting on” godly actions and thoughts (Ephesians 4:22\-32\). Merely seeking to put off sinful thoughts without replacing those thoughts with godly ones leaves an empty field for Satan to come along and sow his weeds (Matthew 12:43\-45\). 5\. We can use fellowship with other Christians the way God intended. Hebrews 10:24\-25 states, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Fellow Christians who will encourage us in the changes we desire (best if of the same gender), who will pray for and with us, who will ask us in love how we are doing, and who will hold us accountable in avoiding the old ways, are valuable friends indeed. Last and most important, these methods will be of no value unless we have placed our faith in [Christ as Savior](personal-Savior.html) from our sin. This is where we absolutely must start! Without this, there can be no victory over sinful thoughts and temptations, and God’s promises for His children are not for us, nor is the Holy Spirit’s power available to us! God will bless those who seek to honor Him with what matters most to Him: who we are inside and not just what we appear to be to others. May God make Jesus’ description of Nathanael true also of us—a man \[or woman] in whom there is no [guile](guile-in-the-Bible.html) (John 1:47\).

Should we as Christians watch television (TV)?

Answer Many Christians struggle with the issue of whether or not to watch television and, if we do watch, how much TV *should* we watch? Television, like many other diversions we have in today’s society, has the ability to do both great good and great harm. On the plus side for the Christian, television can be a wonderful educational tool. News and weather reports have saved countless lives, and we have access to [entertainment](Bible-fun-entertainment.html), sports, and information that can be helpful and uplifting. From a Christian standpoint, TV has been used to share the gospel to virtually every nation on earth (Matthew 28:19\), and countless lives have been changed through Christian television broadcasts. On the negative side for the Christian, many people become addicted to television viewing or mindlessly sucked in to whatever show may be on at the moment. This takes people away from family, friends, and time in God’s Word. Many of the most popular shows today focus on the worst that mankind has to offer, and evil is glorified as good (see 2 Timothy 3:1–5 and Isaiah 5:20\). Even on so\-called Christian television, there are some men and women claiming to be ministers of God who are more concerned about money and prestige than saving souls (see 2 Timothy 4:3–4\). The impact of television in our lives comes in what we do with it. Christians should not let TV control them; rather, they should use TV as the communication tool it was meant to be. A discerning Christian television viewer will ask some questions and prayerfully answer them: – What is my motive for watching this TV show? (See 1 Corinthians 10:31\.) – Does this television show contain material that, as a Christian, I cannot hear or view with a pure mind? (See Psalm 101:3\.) – Will watching this TV show further my understanding of my culture and therefore help me communicate Christ more effectively? Or am I seeking a thrill and secretly relishing scenes of evil? – Am I committed to obtaining truth from the Word of God rather than from powerful media forms such as television? – Can I separate the wheat from the chaff? Can I rejoice in biblical themes a TV show might present while rejecting its ungodly elements? Or do the ungodly elements overwhelm any good contained in the show? – Is there a better use of my time? It’s difficult to give a hard\-and\-fast rule about how much television a Christians should watch—or whether he should watch any at all. Ultimately, that decision is between the believer and God—or, in the case of minors, between their parents and God. Christians considering the issue of television should examine the Word, pray about it, listen to their [conscience](clear-conscience.html), and follow the Spirit’s leading. Here are some verses that may help in discerning what is appropriate TV viewing for a Christian: Matthew 5:28: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 6:22–23: “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” Romans 12:2: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 13:13–14: “Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Philippians 4:8: “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” 1 Thessalonians 5:21–22: “Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.”

I have sinned. Do I need to be baptized again?

Answer The question of whether a person who has sinned should be baptized again is a fairly common one. First, it is important that we understand what baptism is. Baptism does not save us or wash away our sins. Baptism is simply an illustration of what has occurred in a believer’s life when he/she believes in Jesus Christ. Baptism illustrates a believer’s union with Christ in His death, burial, and resurrection. Romans 6:3\-4 teaches us, “Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." The action of going under the water pictures being buried with Christ. The action of coming out of the water illustrates Christ’s resurrection and our identification with Him as we are raised to “walk in newness of life” (Romans 6:4 KJV). Baptism is important because it is a step of obedience—a public declaration of faith in Christ and commitment to Him, and identification with Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection. If we know Jesus Christ as Savior and understand what baptism signifies when we are baptized, then we do not need to be baptized again. If we did not know Jesus as Savior when we were baptized, then we do need to be baptized again. If we knew Jesus as Savior but did not truly understand what baptism signifies, then perhaps we do need to be rebaptized. But this is a matter of conscience between the believer and God. It’s also important to understand that believers will continue to sin, although sin should have less and less of a hold on us as we mature in Christ, and the incidence of sinning should continue to lessen throughout our lives. When we do sin, we should confess it to God, asking Him to forgive us and to restore our intimate fellowship with Him. We have the promise that “he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9\). Nowhere does the Bible say we must be rebaptized to be forgiven.

Why do we need to confess our sins if they have already been forgiven (1 John 1:9)?

Answer The apostle Paul wrote, “To the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding” (Ephesians 1:6\-8\). This forgiveness is referring to salvation, in which God has taken our sins and removed them from us “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12\). This is the judicial forgiveness that God gives us upon receiving Jesus Christ as Savior. All our past, present, and future sins are forgiven on a judicial basis, meaning that we will not suffer eternal judgment for our sins. We still often suffer consequences of sin while we are here on earth, however, which brings us to the question at hand. The difference between Ephesians 1:6\-8 and 1 John 1:9 is that John is dealing with what we call “relational,” or “familial,” forgiveness—like that of a father and a son. For example, if a son does something wrong to his father—falling short of his expectations or rules—the son has hindered his fellowship with his father. He remains the son of his father, but the relationship suffers. Their fellowship will be hindered until the son admits to his father that he has done wrong. It works the same way with God; our fellowship with Him is hindered until we confess our sin. When we confess our sin to God, the fellowship is restored. This is relational forgiveness. “Positional” forgiveness, or judicial forgiveness, is that which is obtained by every believer in Christ. In our position as members of the body of Christ, we have been forgiven of every sin we have ever committed or ever will commit. The price paid by Christ on the cross has satisfied God’s wrath against sin, and no further sacrifice or payment is necessary. When Jesus said, “It is finished,” He meant it. Our positional forgiveness was obtained then and there. Confession of sin will help to keep us from the discipline of the Lord. If we fail to confess sin, the discipline of the Lord is sure to come until we do confess it. As stated previously, our sins are forgiven at salvation (positional forgiveness), but our daily fellowship with God needs to stay in good standing (relational forgiveness). Proper fellowship with God cannot happen with unconfessed sin in our lives. Therefore, we need to confess our sins to God as soon as we are aware that we have sinned in order to maintain close fellowship with God.

Should Christian men or women wear earrings?

Answer There were men and women in the Bible who wore earrings (Exodus 32:2\-3; Numbers 31:50; Judges 8:24; Song of Solomon 1:10\-11\). The Bible nowhere condemns an earring or earrings in women or men. Some people wonder why earrings are for the most part accepted, but other body piercings are considered questionable at best. This is a good point. The whole issue of piercings is not one of “Does the Bible forbid this?” but rather “Is this something I should do?” While there is no specific counsel in the Bible about earrings, Paul had general things to say about jewelry when he advised Timothy on worship within the local church: “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God” (1 Timothy 2:9\-10\). The principle here applies both in and out of church: modesty, decency, propriety, and good deeds are the hallmarks of a true Christian in both men and women. Whether we choose to wear earrings or any other piece of jewelry is a matter of personal conscience. In any case, clearly our responsibility as Christians is to bring honor and glory to the God we profess to love, doing nothing out of vain conceit (Philippians 2:3\), and remembering that “man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7\).

What is Christian meditation?

Answer Psalm 19:14 states, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” What, then, is Christian meditation, and how should Christians meditate? Unfortunately, the word “meditation” can carry the connotation of something mystical. For some, meditation is clearing the mind while sitting in an unusual position. For others, meditation is communing with the spirit world around us. Concepts such as these most definitely do not characterize Christian meditation. Christian meditation has nothing to do with practices that have Eastern mysticism as their foundation. Such practices include [lectio divina](lectio-divina.html), [transcendental meditation](transcendental-meditation.html), and many forms of what is called [contemplative prayer](contemplative-prayer.html). These have at their core a dangerous premise that we need to “hear God’s voice,” not through His Word, but through personal revelation through meditation. Some churches are filled with people who think they are hearing a “word from the Lord,” often contradicting one another and therefore causing endless divisions within the body of Christ. Christians are not to abandon God’s Word, which is “God\-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16\-17\). If the Bible is able to thoroughly equip us for every good work, how could we think we need to seek a mystical experience instead of or in addition to it? Christian meditation is to be solely on the Word of God and what it reveals about Him and His works (Psalm 77:10–12; 143:5\). David found this to be so, and he describes the man who is “blessed” as one whose “delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he *meditates* day and night” (Psalm 1:2\). True Christian meditation is an active thought process whereby we give ourselves to the study of the Word, praying over it and asking God to give us understanding by the Spirit, who has promised to lead us “into all truth” (John 16:13\). Then we put this truth into practice, committing ourselves to the Scriptures as the rule for life and practice as we go about our daily activities. This causes spiritual growth and maturing in the things of God as we are taught by His Holy Spirit.

How can I become more like Christ?

Answer God’s desire for all who know Him is for us to become more like Christ. We do this by first growing in our knowledge of Christ. It stands to reason that we cannot grow to be like someone we don’t know. The deeper our knowledge of Christ, the deeper our understanding of Him, and the more like Him we become. Among other reasons, we are to know and understand Christ so that we will be secure in the faith. The Apostle Paul reiterates this truth in Ephesians 4:14\-16: "Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." This fact is repeated once more in 2 Peter 3:17\-18: "Therefore, dear friends, since you already know this, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." These passages show us that growing in the knowledge of Christ will preserve us from faith\-destroying error. Of course, knowledge alone will not produce a Christlike character. The knowledge we gain from God’s Word must impact our hearts and convict us of the need to obey what we have learned. Romans 12:1\-2 tells us emphatically that the process of filling our minds with the knowledge of God not only brings us closer to Christlikeness, but obedience to that knowledge aligns us with the perfect will of God: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." The natural consequence of knowing and obeying God is that He becomes greater and greater, while we become less and less as we yield control of our lives to Him. Just as John the Baptist knew that “\[Jesus] must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30\), so the Christian grows to reflect more of Christ and less of his own nature. Luke sums it up best when he describes what Jesus told His disciples: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it" (Luke 9:23\-24\). The cross was an instrument of death, and Jesus encourages us to take up our cross in order to put to death our old sin nature upon it. God wants us to forget about this world and all its temporary pleasures and be obedient to His Word. Jesus is the living Word (John 1:1\), and the Bible is God’s written Word. Therefore, conforming to the Word of God is conforming to Christ. It is important to realize that becoming more like Christ starts by receiving Him as Savior from our sins. Then we grow in our knowledge of God by reading the Bible daily, studying it, and being obedient to what it says. This process causes us to grow and occurs over an entire lifetime in Christ. Only when we have entered Heaven for eternity with God does this process reach its culmination.

Should Christian women wear pants?

Answer Whether or not Christian women should wear pants, slacks, or jeans is a long\-standing issue among believers. It is, perhaps, an issue that has garnered more than its fair share of attention over the past few decades. The faithfulness of a daughter of God is not ultimately measured by what clothing she wears but by her walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16\). There is a passage in the Old Testament that some use to address the matter of women wearing pants or jeans: “A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this” (Deuteronomy 22:5\). This was a command for Israel to maintain gender distinctions in their clothing; it was also a prohibition against cross\-dressing and [transvestitism](cross-dressing-transvestism.html). Since no Israelite in that time wore pants or slacks—both genders wore some type of robe—we must ask ourselves how this would apply to different cultures. The general principle is that men and women ought to dress in a way appropriate for their culture, maintaining gender distinctions. Deuteronomy 22:5 does not forbid Scotsmen from wearing kilts, and it does not forbid a woman from wearing pants, as long as she is not trying to appear to be a man. A discussion of grace is appropriate here, too. Christians are not under the law; rather, we are justified by faith in Christ (Romans 3:21–28\). The believer in Christ Jesus is “dead” to the constraints of the law. “But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code” (Romans 7:6\). A believer does not live by legalism, nor by license, but rather by grace. The Bible contains no command governing the specific articles of clothing a woman should wear. No passage mentions dresses, skirts, pants, or slacks as either required or verboten. The issue in Scripture is [modesty](dress-modestly.html) as well as gender distinction. Paul addressed Christian women concerning their attire: “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God” (1 Timothy 2:9–10\). Women who worship God should be appropriately dressed, and their clothing choices should reflect humility, not ostentation; orderliness, not slovenliness; and moderation, not unrestraint. The issue of Christian women wearing pants needs to be approached with grace. Scripturally, a woman should wear modest clothing, appropriate for her gender and for the situation. Are there pants made specifically for women that are modest and appropriate for some situations? Yes, and Christian women are free to wear them. Is there a biblical command that a woman *must* wear slacks? No, and Christian women are free to wear only dresses or skirts, if that is her choice. It’s a matter for a woman’s own conscience before the LORD. “Blessed is the one who does not condemn \[her]self by what \[she] approves” (Romans 14:22\). As we focus on the inward woman, God will take care of the outward woman, and we know that “each of us will give an account of ourselves to God” (Romans 14:12\). Neither the one who wears pants nor the one who wears only skirts should condemn her sister in Christ.

Should a Christian celebrate holidays?

Answer The Bible nowhere instructs Christians to celebrate holidays. Days such as Thanksgiving, Valentine’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Independence Day, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., are not mentioned in Scripture. The Bible does not even mandate Christmas or Easter observances. The lack of any biblical command or precedent regarding the celebration of modern holidays has led some to refrain from observing these days, even those holidays that are considered Christian. The only holidays mentioned in Scripture are the Jewish feast days: Passover (Mark 14:12\), Unleavened Bread (Leviticus 23:6\), Firstfruits (Leviticus 23:10; 1 Corinthians 15:20\), Pentecost (Leviticus 23:15; Acts 2:1\), Trumpets (Leviticus 23:24\), the Day of Atonement (Leviticus 23:27\), and Tabernacles (Leviticus 23:34\). The origin of the festival of [Purim](Feast-of-Purim.html) is detailed in Esther 9:18–32, and John 10:22–23 mentions the Feast of Dedication (or Hanukkah). Many scholars believe the feast mentioned in John 5:1 is [Purim](Feast-of-Purim.html), although it is unnamed. The Old Testament also mentions the [New Moon festival](new-moon-Bible.html), which marked the consecration to God of each new month in the year. New Moon festivals involved sacrifices, the blowing of trumpets (Numbers 10:10\), the suspension of all labor and trade (Nehemiah 10:31\), and social or family feasts (1 Samuel 20:5\). None of these holidays, although “biblical” in the sense that they are in the Bible, are mandated for Christians. Jesus Christ came to fulfill the law (Matthew 5:17\) and establish a new covenant (Luke 22:20\), and the Jewish feasts find their [fulfillment in Him](Jewish-feasts.html). While there is no command in the Bible for New Testament Christians to celebrate holidays, neither is there a prohibition from doing so. The Bible never speaks *against* celebrating holidays. On the basis of that alone, it is allowable for Christians to celebrate holidays. Some Christians avoid celebrating holidays because many of the holidays celebrated today—even those usually labeled as “Christian” holidays—are of [questionable origin](Christmas-pagan-holiday.html). It’s true that the Christian celebration of certain holidays may represent a reclamation of pagan celebrations—an ancient pagan holiday was “redeemed” for God’s glory, imbued with new meaning, and adorned with different traditions designed to worship the Lord. Some Christians cannot overlook the historical pagan associations of those holidays; others have come to terms with the history and praise God for the modern opportunity to magnify God’s name. Some holidays are more overtly compatible with Christianity than others. Christmas and Easter, of course, are Christian celebrations of Jesus’ birth and resurrection. Thanksgiving Day promotes the biblical ideal of gratefulness. Such holidays give Christians plenty of reason to celebrate. Other holidays, such as [Halloween](Christians-celebrate-Halloween.html) and Groundhog Day, are a little more difficult to associate with biblical beliefs. Christians trying to decide whether or not to celebrate a holiday should consider a few things: a) Does the holiday in any way promote false doctrine, superstition, or immorality (Galatians 5:19–23\)? b) Can we thank God for what we observe on a holiday (1 Thessalonians 5:16–18\)? c) Will celebrating the holiday detract from our Christian testimony or witness (Philippians 2:15\)? d) Is there a way to “redeem” elements of the holiday and use them to glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31\)? In asking all these questions, we should pray to God, asking Him for guidance (James 1:5\). In the end, the celebration of holidays is a matter of [conscience](conscience.html). Romans 14:4–6a makes this clear: “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. . . . One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord.” We can draw several principles from this passage: 1\) Christians may have sincere disagreements about the observance of holidays, and such disagreements are not to be a source of conflict. 2\) Each of us must give an account to God for our own actions. 3\) We do not have the right to judge another believer in the matter of celebrating holidays. 4\) In any day that we consider “special,” our observance must be “to the Lord.”

How do I know which of God’s promises are for me?

Answer There are literally hundreds of God’s promises in the Bible. How can we know which promises apply to us, which promises we can claim? To frame this question another way, how can one tell the difference between general promises and specific promises? A general promise is one that is given by the Holy Spirit to every believer in every age. When the author penned the promise, he set no limitations on time period or recipient. An example of a general promise is 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This promise is based on the forgiving nature of God and is available to all believers everywhere. Another example of a general promise is Philippians 4:7, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” This promise is made to all believers who, refusing to worry, bring their requests to God (v. 8\). Other examples of general promises include Psalm 1:3; 27:10; 31:24; John 4:13\-14 (note the word “whoever”); and Revelation 3:20\. A specific promise is one that is made to specific individuals on specific occasions. The context of the promise will usually make clear who the recipient is. For example, the promise of 1 Kings 9:5 is very specific: “I will establish your royal throne over Israel forever.” The preceding and following verses make it clear that God is speaking only to King Solomon. Luke 2:35 contains another specific promise: “And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” This prophecy/promise was directed to Mary and was fulfilled in her lifetime. While a specific promise is not made to all believers generally, the Holy Spirit can still use a specific promise to guide or encourage any of His children. For example, the promise of Isaiah 54:10 was written with Israel in mind, but the Holy Spirit has used these words to comfort many Christians today: “my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed.” As he was led to take the gospel to the Gentiles, the apostle Paul claimed the promise of Isaiah: “I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth” (Acts 13:47\). Isaiah’s promise was originally meant for the Messiah, but in it Paul found guidance from the Lord for his own life. When claiming one of God’s promises from Scripture, we should keep the following principles in mind: 1\) God’s promises are often conditional. Look for the word “if” in the context. 2\) God gives us promises to help us better submit to His will and trust Him. A promise does not make God bend to our will. 3\) We cannot presume to know precisely when, where, or how God’s promises will be fulfilled in our lives.

What does the Bible say about spiritual warfare?

Answer There are two primary errors when it comes to spiritual warfare—over\-emphasis and under\-emphasis. Some blame every sin, every conflict, and every problem on demons that need to be cast out. Others completely ignore the spiritual realm and the fact that the Bible tells us our battle is against spiritual powers. The key to successful spiritual warfare is finding the biblical balance. Jesus sometimes cast demons out of people; other times He healed people with no mention of the demonic. The apostle Paul instructs Christians to wage war against the sin in themselves (Romans 6\) and warns us to oppose the schemes of the devil (Ephesians 6:10–18\). Ephesians 6:10–12 says, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” This text teaches some crucial truths: we can only stand strong in the Lord’s power, it is God’s armor that protects us, and our battle is ultimately against spiritual forces of evil in the world. Ephesians 6:13–18 is a description of the [spiritual armor](full-armor-of-God.html) God gives us. We are to stand firm with the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit, and by praying in the Spirit. What do these pieces of spiritual armor represent in spiritual warfare? We are to know the truth, believe the truth, and speak the truth. We are to rest in the fact that we are declared righteous because of Christ’s sacrifice for us. We are to proclaim the gospel no matter how much resistance we face. We are not to waver in our faith, trusting God’s promises no matter how strongly we are attacked. Our ultimate defense is the assurance we have of our salvation, an assurance that no spiritual force can take away. Our offensive weapon is the Word of God, not our own opinions and feelings. And we are to [pray in the power and will of the Holy Spirit](praying-Spirit.html). Jesus is our ultimate example of resisting temptation in spiritual warfare. Observe how Jesus handled direct attacks from Satan when He was tempted in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1–11\). Each temptation was combatted with the words “it is written.” The Word of the living God is the most powerful weapon against the temptations of the devil. “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11\). A word of caution concerning spiritual warfare is in order. The name of Jesus is not a magic incantation that causes demons to flee from before us. The [seven sons of Sceva](seven-sons-of-Sceva.html) are an example of what can happen when people presume an authority they have not been given (Acts 19:13–16\). Even Michael the archangel did not rebuke Satan in his own power but said, “The Lord rebuke you!” (Jude 1:9\). When we start talking to the devil, we run the risk of being led astray as Eve was (Genesis 3:1–7\). Our focus should be on God, not demons; we speak to Him, not them. In summary, what are the keys to success in spiritual warfare? We rely on God’s power, not our own. We put on the whole armor of God. We draw on the power of Scripture—the Word of God is the Spirit’s sword. We pray in perseverance and holiness, making our appeal to God. We stand firm (Ephesians 6:13–14\); we submit to God; we resist the devil’s work (James 4:7\), knowing that the Lord of hosts is our protector. “Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken” (Psalm 62:2\).

How can I be an effective witness for Christ in a lost world?

Answer A “witness” is someone who attests to a fact, so in order to be an effective witness for Christ, one must have firsthand knowledge of Him. John the Apostle speaks of this in 1 John 1:1\-3, when he says, “That . . . which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at, and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of Life.” Today, we who have experienced new life in Christ give an account of His love and forgiveness, both verbally and in the way we live our lives. This is witnessing. To be effective in our witness, we should remember several basic things: 1\) the THEME of our witness is Jesus Christ. Paul defined the gospel as the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 15:1\-4\). If we aren’t explaining the sacrifice of Christ, then we’re not really sharing the gospel. (See also 1 Corinthians 2:2 and Romans 10:9\-10\.) An important part of this theme is the fact that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, not just one of many ways. “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6\). 2\) the POWER of our witness is the Holy Spirit. It is the Spirit who transforms a life (Titus 3:5\), and a transformed life is evident to all. As we witness, we should spend much time in prayer, appropriating the Spirit’s power so that we are enabled to let our light shine in such a way that others will recognize the power of God in us (Matthew 5:16\). 3\) the VALIDITY of our witness will be shown in how we live our lives. Philippians 2:15 sets this goal for us: “That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world.” The effective Christian witness will live his/her life above reproach in the power of the Holy Spirit, whose fruit we exhibit when we remain in Christ (John 15:1\-8; Galatians 5:22\-23\). Perhaps most importantly, we must be familiar enough with the Scriptures to be able to accurately and coherently present the gospel to others. “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have” (1 Peter 3:15\). Always being prepared means diligent Bible study, memorizing Scripture, and praying for God\-given opportunities to share with those whose hearts have been prepared by the Lord to hear His message of salvation.

What does it mean for a Christian to grow in faith?

Answer We are commanded in Scripture to "grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (2 Peter 3:18\). This growth is spiritual growth, growing in faith. At the moment we receive Christ as our Savior, we are born again spiritually into God’s family. But just as a newborn baby requires nourishing milk for growth and good development, so also a baby Christian requires [spiritual food](spiritual-food.html) for growth. "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good" (1 Peter 2:2\-3\). Milk is used in the New Testament as a symbol of what is basic to the Christian life. But as a baby grows, its diet changes to also include solid foods. With this in mind, read how the writer of Hebrews admonished the Christians: “In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:12\-14\). Paul saw the same problem with the Corinthian believers; they had not grown in their faith, and he could only give them "milk" because they were not ready for solid food (1 Corinthians 3:1\-3\). The analogy between a human baby and a spiritual baby breaks down when we realize how each baby matures. A human baby is fed by his parents and growth is natural. But a baby Christian will only grow as much as he purposefully reads and obeys and applies the Word to his life. Growth is up to him. There are Christians who have been saved many years, but spiritually they are still babies. They cannot understand the deeper truths of the Word of God. What should a Christian’s diet consist of? The Word of God! The truths taught in the Bible are rich food for Christians. Peter wrote that God has given us everything we need for life through our (growing) knowledge of Him. Read carefully 2 Peter 1:3\-11 where Peter lists character qualities that need to be added to our beginning point of faith in order for maturity to take place and to have a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

What does the Bible say about legalism?

Answer The word “legalism” does not occur in the Bible. It is a term Christians use to describe a doctrinal position emphasizing a system of rules and regulations for achieving both salvation and spiritual growth. Legalists believe in and demand a strict literal adherence to rules and regulations. Doctrinally, it is a position essentially opposed to grace. Those who hold a legalistic position often fail to see the real purpose for law, especially the purpose of the Old Testament law of Moses, which is to be our “schoolmaster” or “tutor” to bring us to Christ (Galatians 3:24\). Even true believers can be legalistic. We are instructed, rather, to be gracious to one another: “Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters” (Romans 14:1\). Sadly, there are those who feel so strongly about non\-essential doctrines that they will run others out of their fellowship, not even allowing the expression of another viewpoint. That, too, is legalism. Many legalistic believers today make the error of demanding unqualified adherence to their own biblical interpretations and even to their own traditions. For example, there are those who feel that to be spiritual one must simply avoid tobacco, alcoholic beverages, dancing, movies, etc. The truth is that avoiding these things is no guarantee of spirituality. The apostle Paul warns us of legalism in Colossians 2:20\-23: “Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: ‘Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!’? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self\-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.” Legalists may appear to be righteous and spiritual, but legalism ultimately fails to accomplish God’s purposes because it is an outward performance instead of an inward change. To avoid falling into the trap of legalism, we can start by holding fast to the words of the apostle John, “For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (John 1:17\) and remembering to be gracious, especially to our brothers and sisters in Christ. “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand” (Romans 14:4\). “You, then, why do you judge your brother? Or why do you look down on your brother? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat” (Romans 14:10\). A word of caution is necessary here. While we need to be gracious to one another and tolerant of disagreement over disputable matters, we cannot accept heresy. We are exhorted to contend for the faith that was once for all entrusted to the saints (Jude 3\). If we remember these guidelines and apply them in love and mercy, we will be safe from both legalism and heresy. “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world” (1 John 4:1\).

How can I stay focused on Christ?

Answer In our fast\-paced, attention\-grabbing world, it is easy to get caught up in the daily grind, get distracted, and lose sight of our true purpose in life—the worship and love of God (see Matthew 22:37\). Yet we are told to run our race with our eyes focused on Christ: “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Hebrews 12:1–2\). How can we resist the allure of the world and keep our focus where it belongs, on Christ? To focus is to direct one’s attention or concentrate on something. If we are focused on Christ, then He has our attention; we are concentrating on Him and His word; He occupies the forefront of our minds. Such a focus is only fitting, because Jesus “is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy” (Colossians 1:18\). By rights, He should be our focus. Colossians 3:1–4 contains much that can help us stay focused on Christ: “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” We are to focus on “things above,” remembering that Christ is seated in the place of glory and power (verse 1\). The reason for the command is also given: because we have been raised to new life with Christ. To focus on the things above, we must consciously remove our focus from “earthly things” (verse 2\), and the reason is given: we have died to self, and Christ is our very life (verse 3\). Helping us stay focused on Christ is the reminder that Jesus is coming again, and when we see Him we will know glory (verse 4\). Hebrews 2 lists some of the things that Christ has done or is doing for us: He shared our humanity (verse 14\), He breaks the power of the devil (verse 14\), He frees us (verse 15\), He is our “merciful and faithful high priest” (verse 17\), He suffered for us (verse 18\), and He helps those who are tempted in this world (verse 18\). Because of all this, Hebrews 3:1, says, “Therefore, holy brothers and sisters, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, whom we acknowledge as our apostle and high priest.” Here are some practical ways for a born\-again believer to stay focused on Christ: Commit to [reading the Bible](why-read-Bible.html). It is impossible for a believer to be consistently in the Word without having his attention drawn again and again to Christ: “The Scriptures point to me!” Jesus said (John 5:39, NLT; see also Luke 24:44 and Hebrews 10:7\). To focus on the Word of God is to have the Son of God brought more into focus. Develop your [prayer life](what-is-prayer.html). If you want to know how to pray, read Jesus’ instructions to His disciples in Luke 11:1–13\. As you speak to the Lord throughout your day, you will naturally be more focused on Him. Little things, big things—we can come to the Lord with any and all of our cares. The command is to “pray continually” (1 Thessalonians 5:17\), to always be in an attitude and atmosphere of instant prayer. Trust the Lord as your only protector: “My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare” (Psalm 25:15\). Once we understand the spiritual dangers we face on a daily basis, we will focus more on Christ, our one and only Savior, who alone has the power of deliverance. Recognize your need and the Lord as the source of all good things: “Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he has mercy upon us” (Psalm 123:2, ESV). The world offers various means of obtaining love, joy, and peace, but they are destined to disappoint. The believer understands that love, joy, and peace (and a myriad other fine gifts) are the direct result of his relationship with Christ (see Galatians 5:22–23\). See the world for what it is: a sin\-filled place of desperate need. The darker the world is to us, the more clearly the light of Christ will stand out. It’s not hard to focus on a light in a darkened room. “We . . . have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts” (2 Peter 1:19\). Those who stay focused on Christ will find their perspective on worldly things changing. As Helen Lemmel says in her hymn, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, / Look full in His wonderful face, / And the things of earth will grow strangely dim / In the light of His glory and grace.” In John Bunyan’s *The Pilgrim’s Progress*, Christian and Faithful go through Vanity Fair, where they are offered “all sorts of vanity.” Christian’s and Faithful’s response is instructive for us: “These pilgrims set very light by all their wares—they cared not so much as to look upon them; and if they called upon them to buy, they would put their fingers in their ears, and cry, ‘Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity,’ and look upwards, signifying that their trade and traffic was in heaven” (Part I, p. 86\). May we, like the pilgrims in Vanity Town, practice the heavenward\-look and keep our eyes focused on Christ, His glory, and His love.

Does God promise to not give us more than we can handle?

Answer First Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” This Scripture teaches us a wonderful principle. If we belong to Him, God will not allow any difficulty to come into our lives that we are not capable of bearing in the power of Christ. With every [temptation](overcome-temptation.html) and every testing that comes our way, God will remain faithful to us; He will provide a way to endure the test. We do not have to give in to sin. We can obey God in every circumstance. So, we have divine encouragement in our Christian walk. The prayer “[Deliver us from evil](deliver-us-from-evil.html)” (Matthew 6:13\) will be answered. However, these promises do not mean we will never face trouble; on the contrary, Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33a). The key is found in Jesus’ next words, “But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33b). Paul and his companions were sorely tried as they took the gospel into new areas. This is his testimony: “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death” (2 Corinthians 1:8–9\). It sounds like Paul *was* tempted beyond what he could bear—“far beyond.” This fact leads us to another truth: our strength to endure testing and temptation does not come from ourselves; it comes from God. That’s exactly what Paul says next: “This happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God” (2 Corinthians 1:9\). Paul continues with praise to the Lord for His deliverance (verse 10\) and an emphasis on the efficacy of the prayers of the church (verse 11\). Anything that comes our way, anything that tempts us, any tragedy that befalls us, we are capable, in God’s power, of overcoming. In all things we can achieve spiritual victory, through Christ. Life is not easy. The fact is we often need a “way of escape.” [Life is hard](why-is-life-so-hard.html), but we can face it with confidence in God’s gracious promises. We are “more than conquerors” in Christ (Romans 8:37\). “Everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith” (1 John 5:4\). To “overcome” the trials and temptations of the world is to prevail over them, just as David, in God’s strength, prevailed over Goliath. Evil schemes and disagreeable circumstances will not win the day. “They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me” (Psalm 129:2\). Our trials are for a purpose, we have the [armor of God](full-armor-of-God.html) and the privilege of [prayer](power-of-prayer.html), and God will see to it that our trials do not overcome our faith. Our position as children of God is secure; we will come through the trials intact. “I am convinced that . . . \[nothing] in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39\).

When should a Christian try to correct another Christian?

Answer This can be a delicate subject. It is wise to spend time in prayer first, to check our motivation and ask for guidance. There are times when Christians are called upon to “talk to” or try to correct a fellow Christian. Assuming we are talking about a matter of sin in a believer’s life, our motive and intent should always be to bring about repentance and restoration to the erring brother or sister in Christ. First, our attitude is very important. “Be kind and tender to one another. Forgive each other, just as God forgave you because of what Christ has done” (Ephesians 4:32\). It is then that we are more able to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15\). In his epistle to the Galatians, Paul had a similar warning about attitude: “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted” (Galatians 6:1\). Here we see that those who are “spiritual,” meaning walking in the Spirit in faith and obedience, should gently restore someone who is in sin, being always aware of how easily we can all be tempted by Satan who wants to ensnare everyone in his traps. The Bible prescribes the procedure for confronting a sinning brother or sister in an extensive passage on church discipline: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15\-17\). Again, this is the procedure for confronting a sinning brother, not someone whose behavior you feel needs modifying in some way or someone who merely irritates or annoys you. On a different slant, one of the most often quoted scriptures is “Judge not, lest ye be judged” (Matthew 7:1 KJV). Taken out of context, the verse has been used to incorrectly justify never taking a stand on anything that would require a judgment to be made. Rather, the verse is referring to hypocritical, self\-righteous, unfair kinds of judgment, especially where the confronter is guilty of the same sin as the one being confronted. So, when should Christians talk to or try to correct a fellow Christian? When we have talked to the Lord first, have an attitude of submission and concern for the other person, and are committed to following the procedures outlined in His Word for such a situation.

When, how, and why does the Lord God discipline us when we sin?

Answer The Lord’s discipline is an oft\-ignored fact of life for believers. The Bible teaches that, as our loving Heavenly Father, God disciplines us. His discipline is not doubtful; it is assured: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son” (Hebrews 12:5–6, quoting Proverbs 3:11–12\). God’s “discipline” (“chastisement” in the NKJV) and “rebuke” come to “everyone.” His correction is, in fact, a sign of His love for His children, and we are to “not lose heart” when we experience it. Human fathers have a responsibility to train their children (see Ephesians 6:4\), and part of that training is to administer discipline. Just as human fathers wisely discipline their children, so does God: “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all” (Hebrews 12:7–8\). As we undergo God’s discipline, we can rejoice in at least one fact: God is treating us as true children of His (see Deuteronomy 8:5\)! Discipline is not the same as condemnation. God disciplines His children, but He does [not condemn](no-condemnation.html) them. Romans 8:1 makes this clear: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (cf. Romans 8:33–34\). Discipline has to do with training and growth; condemnation has to do with punishment and guilt. *When does God discipline us?* Discipline is training, and that training involves both positive and negative aspects. Part of discipline is simply guiding someone to follow certain rules or to observe certain behaviors. Another part of discipline involves reproof to correct disobedience. Both aspects of discipline can be tough. The trials Job endured were not a punishment for sin (see Job 1:8\), but they were training in righteousness (see Job 42:3, 6\), and Job emerged from his trial a better man. God’s discipline begins when we are born again into His family. We immediately begin to learn and understand the Word of God and adjust our lives accordingly. This is a blessing in our lives: “Blessed is the one you discipline, Lord, the one you teach from your law; you grant them relief from days of trouble” (Psalm 94:12–13\). This type of discipline is more preventative than corrective. Troubled days are coming, and the Lord would spare us. God’s discipline also comes when we sin. In such cases, the chastisement is meant to be corrective. David, in one of his penitential psalms, expresses his desire that God moderate the severity of the punishment: “Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. Your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down on me. Because of your wrath there is no health in my body; there is no soundness in my bones because of my sin. My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear” (Psalm 38:1–4\). In this psalm, David admits his guilt and thus acknowledges that God’s punishment is just; at the same time, the sharp and crushing nature of the discipline seems more than he can bear, and he asks for help. [Charles Spurgeon’s](Charles-Haddon-Spurgeon.html) note on Psalm 38 includes a paraphrase of David’s appeal: “Rebuked I must be, for I am an erring child and thou a careful Father, but throw not too much anger into the tones of thy voice; deal gently although I have sinned grievously. The anger of others I can bear, but not thine. . . . Chasten me if thou wilt, it is a Father’s prerogative, and to endure it obediently is a child's duty; but, O turn not the rod into a sword, smite not so as to kill. True, my sins might well inflame thee, but let thy mercy and long\-suffering quench the glowing coals of thy wrath. O let me not be treated as an enemy or dealt with as a rebel. Bring to remembrance thy covenant, thy fatherhood, and my feebleness, and spare thy servant” (*Treasury of David*, Volume II, Funk \& Wagnalls, 1885, p. 220\). *How does God discipline us?* God can and does use various methods of discipline. He may use trouble at work, hardship at home, or travail in the ministry; Paul had many difficulties in life (2 Corinthians 11:23–29\). God may allow us to experience loss, as David did (2 Samuel 12:13–18\). God may send physical ailments or even death, as the church of Corinth learned (1 Corinthians 11:17–22, 30–32\). Often, God will simply allow the natural [consequences](consequences-of-sin.html) of our sin to run their course. We are forgiven, but we are corrected “so that we will not be finally condemned with the world” (1 Corinthians 11:32\). *Why does God discipline us?* He is a good Father who wants what’s best for His children. Humanly speaking, no child will reach his or her full potential without training and discipline. The virtuoso violinist would never have reached the concert hall without discipline. The record\-setting athlete would never have excelled in any sport without discipline. Following that principle, here are some reasons that we experience God’s discipline: • God disciplines His children because He loves them. • God disciplines His children to make them more mature. • God disciplines His children to increase their capacity for virtue. • God disciplines His children to keep them on the right path. • God disciplines His children to grow their faith. • God disciplines His children to purify them from sin. The result of God’s discipline is holiness and maturity: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2–4\). The Lord continues to work with us, as [a potter does the clay](potter-and-clay.html), and His discipline is for our good and His glory.

What is a carnal Christian?

Answer Can a true Christian be carnal? In answering this question, let’s first define the term “carnal.” The word “carnal” is translated from the Greek word *sarkikos*, which literally means “fleshly.” This descriptive word is seen in the context of Christians in 1 Corinthians 3:1\-3\. In this passage, the apostle Paul is addressing the readers as “brethren,” a term he uses almost exclusively to refer to other Christians; he then goes on to describe them as “carnal.” Therefore, we can conclude that Christians can be carnal. The Bible is absolutely clear that no one is sinless (1 John 1:8\). Every time we sin, we are acting carnally. The key thing to understand is that while a Christian can be, for a time, carnal, a true Christian will not remain carnal for a lifetime. Some have abused the idea of a “carnal Christian” by saying that it is possible for people to come to faith in Christ and then proceed to live the rest of their lives in a completely carnal manner, with no evidence of being born again or a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17\). Such a concept is completely unbiblical. James 2 makes it abundantly clear that genuine faith will always result in good works. Ephesians 2:8\-10 declares that while we are saved by grace alone through faith alone, that salvation will result in works. Can a Christian, in a time of failure and/or rebellion, appear to be carnal? Yes. Will a true Christian remain carnal? No. Since eternal security is a fact of Scripture, even the carnal Christian is still saved. Salvation cannot be lost, because salvation is a gift of God that He will not take away (see John 10:28; Romans 8:37\-39; 1 John 5:13\). Even in 1 Corinthians 3:15, the carnal Christian is assured of salvation: “If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire.” The question is not whether a person who claims to be a Christian but lives carnally has lost his salvation, but whether that person was truly saved in the first place (1 John 2:19\). Christians who become carnal in their behavior can expect God to lovingly discipline them (Hebrews 12:5\-11\) so they can be restored to close fellowship with Him and be trained to obey Him. God’s desire in saving us is that we would progressively grow closer to the image of Christ (Romans 12:1\-2\), becoming increasingly spiritual and decreasingly carnal, a process known as sanctification. Until we are delivered from our sinful flesh, there will be outbreaks of carnality. For a genuine believer in Christ, though, these outbreaks of carnality will be the exception, not the rule.

How should a Christian view sports / athletics?

Answer Sports is a big part of life for many people, whether they’re watching athletic events, driving their children to and from sports practice, or directly participating in sports themselves. According to MarketWatch, Inc., Americans spent $100 billion on sports in 2017—$56 billion on attending sporting events, $33 billion on sports equipment, and $19 billion on gym memberships. Sports and athletic competitions have been popular since ancient times. The Bible draws several analogies of the Christian life from the sports world: 1 Corinthians 9:26 contains a reference to shadowboxing; the author of Hebrews likens the Christian life to a race (Hebrews 12:1\); and Paul admonishes us to “run in such a way to win the prize” (1 Corinthians 9:24, CSB). Given the Bible’s positive use of sports\-related analogies, there can be nothing inherently wrong with viewing or participating in athletic events. Following one’s favorite football team, playing a few rounds of golf, attending a volleyball match, or signing up for community softball is something Christians can and do enjoy. Christian athletes and coaches often have the opportunity to use their prominence in sports as a platform for advancing the gospel. Christians who play sports can attest to the many benefits that such involvement can provide, including stress reduction; weight control; camaraderie; and the development of accountability, leadership, and communication, goal\-setting, and problem\-solving skills. The endurance and perseverance required in athletic competition can be valuable in building and strengthening character. One of the greatest benefits of competing in sports is the development of [self\-control](fruit-Holy-Spirit-self-control.html): “Every athlete exercises self\-control in all things” (1 Corinthians 9:25\). In the crucible of competitive action, the presence of self\-control—or the lack of it—becomes obvious to all observers. Some athletes (and fans) handle game\-related adversity with grace and poise; others melt down in an adult temper\-tantrum. The problem is not the sport; it’s the inner character of the athlete or fan. In many ways, a sporting event provides an occasion to test the character of both winners and losers. Christian athletes, coaches, and fans should be filled with the Holy Spirit and display the [Spirit’s fruit](fruit-of-the-Holy-Spirit.html), no matter where they are, be it on the court, on the field, or in the locker room. As in all areas of life, we must have balance in regards to our involvement in sports. We must set priorities. It’s easy for a sports fan to overdo it, committing too much time, money, and other resources to what should be an entertaining diversion. It’s easy for an athlete wishing to succeed to devote an inordinate amount of time and energy to training, to the neglect of family, friends, or walk with God. The Bible helps us clarify our priorities: “Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Timothy 4:8\). Sports is good and beneficial when kept in perspective. Never should sports be allowed to crowd out time with God or become more important than seeking God’s kingdom and righteousness (Matthew 6:33\). Idols are not to be a part of the Christian life (1 John 5:21\). And in whatever we do, on or off the field, we are to do it all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31\).

Is sinless perfection possible in this life?

Answer Ephesians 4:13 says that the spiritual gifts are given to build up the body of Christ “until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” Some translations say that we will become “perfect” (instead of “mature”), and from this some people have mistakenly thought that we can reach sinless perfection in this life. The Bible teaches that, while we are in the flesh, we will always struggle with a sin nature (see Romans 7:14–24\). No one will be “perfect” (sinless) until we reach heaven. The word translated “mature” in Ephesians 4:13 is the Greek word *teleios*. It is used throughout the New Testament to mean “perfect,” “complete,” “full\-grown,” and “mature.” What Ephesians 4:13 teaches is that, the more we grow in Christ, the stronger and more unified we will be as a church. The verse does not teach that we will stop sinning. Another passage that people sometimes get confused about is Colossians 1:28, which says, in some translations, that Paul wants to “present every man perfect in Christ Jesus.” Also, in Colossians 4:12 Paul prays that we would “stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.” In both verses, the Greek word for *perfect* should be understood to mean “mature” or “full\-grown,” not “having no sin.” As human beings we are bound under Adam’s nature in this world. No matter how hard we try not to, we will still sin against God. This holds true for everyone. The apostle Paul rebuked Peter for showing favoritism (Galatians 2:11–13\). Late in his ministry, Paul calls himself the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15\). Peter, James, John, and Paul all admitted that they were imperfect. How could you or I claim anything different? True perfection will not come until the [rapture of the church](rapture-of-the-church.html), when we rise to meet Jesus in the air (1 Thessalonians 4:17\). At that time the dead in Christ will be resurrected, and the bodies of the living will be changed (Philippians 3:20, 21; 1 Corinthians 15:54\). We will stand before the Judgment Seat of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:10\) where our works will be judged and rewards will be given (1 Corinthians 3:9–15\). Our redemption will be complete, and our sin will be gone forever. We will live and reign with Christ in sinless perfection forever.

Does a wife have to submit to her husband?

Answer Submission is an important issue in relation to marriage. Here is the plain biblical command: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22–24\). Even before sin entered the world, there was still the principle of the headship of the husband (1 Timothy 2:13\). Adam was created first, and Eve was created to be a "helper" for Adam (Genesis 2:18–20\). God has established several types of authority in the world: governments to enforce justice in society and provide protection; pastors to lead and feed the sheep of God; husbands to love and nurture their wives; and fathers to admonish their children. In each case, submission is required: citizen to government, flock to shepherd, wife to husband, child to father. The Greek word translated “submit,” *hupotasso*, is the continuing form of the verb. This means that submitting to God, the government, a pastor, or a husband is not a one\-time act. It is a continual attitude, which becomes a pattern of behavior. First, of course, we are responsible to submit to God, which is the only way we can truly obey Him (James 1:21; 4:7\). And each Christian should live in humble, ready submission to others (Ephesians 5:21\). In regards to submission within the family unit, 1 Corinthians 11:2–3, says that the husband is to submit to Christ (as Christ did to God the Father) and the wife is to submit to her husband. There is much misunderstanding in our world today about the roles of husband and wife within a marriage. Even when the biblical roles are properly understood, many choose to reject them in favor of a supposed “emancipation” of women, with the result that the family unit is torn apart. It’s no surprise that the world rejects God’s design, but God’s people should be joyfully celebrating that design. *Submit* is not a bad word. Submission is not a reflection of inferiority or lesser worth. Christ constantly submitted Himself to the will of the Father (Luke 22:42; John 5:30\), without giving up an iota of His worth. To counter the world’s misinformation concerning a wife’s submission to her husband, we should carefully note the following in Ephesians 5:22–24:1\) A wife is to submit to one man (her husband), not to every man. The rule to submit does *not* extend to a woman’s place in society at large. 2\) A wife is to willingly submit to her husband in personal obedience to the Lord Jesus. She submits to her husband because she loves Jesus. 3\) The example of a wife’s submission is that of the church to Christ. 4\) There is nothing said of the wife’s abilities, talents, or worth; the fact that she submits to her own husband does not imply that she is inferior or less worthy in any way. Also notice that there are no qualifiers to the command to submit, except “in everything.” So, the husband does not have to pass an aptitude test or an intelligence test before his wife submits. It may be a fact that she is better qualified than he to lead in many ways, but she chooses to follow the Lord’s instruction by submitting to her husband’s leadership. In so doing, a godly wife can even win her unbelieving husband to the Lord “without words” simply by her holy behavior (1 Peter 3:1\). Submission should be a natural response to loving leadership. When a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25—33\), then submission is a natural response from a wife to her husband. But, regardless of the husband’s love or lack thereof, the wife is commanded to submit “as to the Lord” (verse 22\). This means that her obedience to God—her acceptance of His plan—will result in her submission to her husband. The “as to the Lord” comparison also reminds the wife that there is a higher authority to whom she is responsible. Thus, she is under no obligation to disobey civil law or God’s law in the name of “submission” to her husband. She submits in things that are right and lawful and God\-honoring. Of course, she does not “submit” to abuse—that is not right or lawful or God\-honoring. To try to use the principle of “submission” to justify abuse is to twist Scripture and promote evil. The submission of the wife to the husband in Ephesians 5 does not allow the husband to be selfish or domineering. His command is to love (verse 25\), and he is responsible before God to fulfill that command. The husband must exercise his authority wisely, graciously, and in the fear of the God to whom he must give an account. When a wife is loved by her husband as the church is loved by Christ, submission is not difficult. Ephesians 5:24 says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” In a marriage, submission is a position of giving honor and respect to the husband (see Ephesians 5:33\) and [completing](complementarianism.html) what he is lacking in. It is God’s wise plan for how the family should function. Commentator [Matthew Henry](Matthew-Henry.html) wrote, “The woman was made out of Adam’s side. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.” The immediate context of the commands to the husband and wife in Ephesians 5:19–33 involves the filling of the Spirit. Spirit\-filled believers are to be worshipful (5:19\), thankful (5:20\), and submissive (5:21\). Paul then follows this line of thought on Spirit\-filled living and applies it to wives in verses 22–24\. A wife should submit to her husband, not because women are inferior (the Bible never teaches that), but because that is how God designed the marital relationship to function.

What should be the order of priorities in our family?

Answer The Bible does not lay out a step\-by\-step order for family relationship priorities. However, we can look to the Scriptures and find general principles for prioritizing our family relationships. God obviously comes first: Deuteronomy 6:5, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength strength” (cf. Matthew 22:34–40 and John 13:34–35\). All of one’s heart, soul, and strength is to be committed to loving God, making Him the first priority. Church membership and regular church attendance will be one way a family shows that God is first in their lives (see Hebrews 10:25\). If you are married, your spouse comes next. A married man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25\). Christ’s first priority—after obeying and glorifying the Father—was the church. Here is an example a husband should follow: God first, then his wife. In the same way, wives are to submit to their husbands “as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22\). The principle is that a woman’s husband is second only to God in her priorities. If husbands and wives are second only to God in our priorities, and since a husband and wife are one flesh (Ephesians 5:31\), it stands to reason that the result of the marriage relationship—children—should be the next priority. Parents are to raise godly children who will be the next generation of those who love the Lord with all their hearts (Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4\), showing once again that God comes first. All other family relationships should reflect that. Deuteronomy 5:16 tells us to honor our parents so that we may live long and so things will go well with us (see also Ephesians 6:1–4\). No age limit is specified, which leads us to believe that as long as our parents are alive, we should honor them. Of course, once a child reaches adulthood, he is no longer obligated to obey them (“Children, obey your parents...”), but there is no age limit to honoring them. We can conclude from this that parents are next in the list of priorities after God, our spouses, and our children. After parents comes the rest of one’s family (1 Timothy 5:8\). Following one’s extended family in the list of priorities are fellow believers. Romans 14 tells us not to judge or look down upon our brothers (v. 10\) or do anything to cause a fellow Christian to “stumble” or fall spiritually. Much of the book of 1 Corinthians is Paul’s instructions on how the church should live together in harmony, loving one another. Other exhortations referring to our brothers and sisters in Christ are “serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13\); “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32\); “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11\); and “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24\). Finally comes the rest of the world (Matthew 28:19\), to whom we should bring the gospel, making disciples of Christ. In conclusion, the scriptural order of priorities is God, spouse, children, parents, extended family, brothers and sisters in Christ, and then the rest of the world. While sometimes decisions must be made to focus on one person over another, the goal is to not be neglecting any of our relationships. The biblical balance is allowing God to empower us to meet all of our relationship priorities, inside and outside our families.

What does the Bible say on the importance of accountability?

Answer There is much temptation already in the world today, and Satan is always striving to create even more. In the face of such temptation, many Christians seek out an “accountability partner” to pray with and help share the burdens that come with doing spiritual warfare. It is good to have a brother or sister we can count on when we are facing temptations. King David was alone the evening that Satan tempted him into adultery with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11\). The Bible tells us we fight a war not of flesh but of the spirit, against powers and spiritual forces who threaten us (Ephesians 6:12\). Knowing we are in a battle against the forces of darkness, we should want as much help as we can gather around us, and this may include making ourselves accountable to another believer who can encourage us in the fight. Paul tells us that we must be equipped with all the power that God supplies to fight this battle: “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand” (Ephesians 6:13\). We know without a doubt that temptation will come. We should be prepared. Satan knows our weaknesses, and he knows when we are vulnerable. He knows when a married couple is fighting and perhaps feeling that someone else might better understand and sympathize. He knows when a child has been punished by his parents and might be feeling spiteful. He knows when things are not going well at work and just where the bar is on the way home. Where do we find help? We want to do what is right in the sight of God, yet we are weak. What do we do? Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance.” A friend’s countenance is a look or expression of encouragement or moral support. When is the last time you had a friend call you just to ask how you were doing? When is the last time you called a friend and asked her if she needed to talk? Encouragement and moral support from a friend are sometimes the missing ingredients in fighting the battle against Satan. Being accountable to one another can provide those missing ingredients. The writer of Hebrews summed it up when he said, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24–25\). The [Body of Christ](body-of-Christ.html) is interconnected, and we have a duty to each other to build each other up. Also, James implies accountability when he says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16\). Accountability can be helpful in the battle to overcome sin. An accountability partner can be there to encourage you, rebuke you, teach you, rejoice with you, and weep with you. Every Christian should consider having an accountability partner with whom he or she can pray, talk, confide, and confess.

How should a Christian deal with infertility?

Answer The problem of infertility can be a very difficult one, especially for couples who have looked forward to children all their lives. Christian couples can find themselves asking “Why us, Lord?” Surely God wants Christians to be blessed with children to love and nurture. For physically healthy couples, one of the most heart\-wrenching aspects of infertility is not knowing whether it is a temporary or permanent situation. If it is temporary, how long must they wait? If it is permanent, how do they know that, and what should be their course of action? The Bible depicts the problem of temporary infertility in several stories: God promised Abraham and Sarah a child, but she did not bear a son, Isaac, until age 90 (Genesis 11:30\). Isaac, Rebekah’s husband, prayed fervently, and God answered, resulting in the births of Jacob and Esau (Genesis 25:21\). Rachel prayed, and at long last God “opened her womb.” She bore two sons, Joseph and Benjamin (Genesis 30:1; 35:18\). Manoah’s wife, who was infertile for a time, gave birth to Samson (Judges 13:2\). Elizabeth in her old age gave birth to John the Baptist, the forerunner of Christ (Luke 1:7, 36\). The barrenness of Sarah, Rebekah, and Rachel (the mothers of the Israelite nation) is significant in that their ability to finally bear children was a sign of the grace and favor of God. However, infertile couples must not assume that God is withholding His grace and favor, nor should they assume they are being punished in some way. Christian couples must cling to the knowledge that their sins are forgiven in Christ and that the inability to have children is not a punishment from God. So what is an infertile Christian couple to do? It is good to seek advice from gynecologists and other fertility specialists. Both men and women should live a healthy lifestyle to prepare for [pregnancy](Bible-pregnancy.html). The mothers of the Israelite nation prayed fervently for conception, so continuing to pray for a child is certainly not out of line. Primarily, though, we are to pray for God’s will for our lives. If His will is for us to have a natural child, we will. If His will is that we adopt, foster\-parent, or go childless, then that is what we should accept and commit to gladly doing. We know that God has a divine plan for each of His loved ones. God is the author of life. He allows conception and withholds conception. God is sovereign and possesses all wisdom and knowledge (see Romans 11:33\-36\). “Every good and perfect gift is from above...” (James 1:17\). Knowing and accepting these truths will go a long way to filling the ache in the hearts of an infertile couple.

What does the Bible say about abortion?

Answer The Bible never specifically addresses the issue of abortion. However, there are numerous teachings in Scripture that make it abundantly clear what God’s view of abortion is. Jeremiah 1:5 tells us that God knows us before He forms us in the womb. Psalm 139:13–16 speaks of God’s active role in our creation and formation in the womb. Exodus 21:22–25 prescribes the same penalty—death—for someone who causes the death of a baby in the womb as for someone who commits murder. This law and its punishment clearly indicate that God considers a baby in the womb to be just as much a human being as a full\-grown adult. For the Christian, abortion is not a matter of a woman’s right to choose to have a baby. The baby is already present and living. Abortion is a matter of the life or death of a human being made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26–27; 9:6\). What does the Bible say about abortion? Simply put, [abortion is murder](is-abortion-murder.html). It is the killing of a human being created in the image of God. A common argument against the Christian stance on abortion is “What about cases of rape and/or incest?” As emotionally difficult as it would be to face a pregnancy resulting from rape or incest, is the murder of a baby the solution? Two wrongs do not make a right. Intentionally killing the unborn child is not the answer. Also, keep in mind that having an abortion is itself a traumatic experience. It seems nonsensical to add an additional trauma to the woman. Too, abortion can be a means of rapists covering up their crimes. For example, if a minor is molested and becomes pregnant and then is taken to have an abortion, the molestation could continue without penalty. Abortion will never erase the pain of rape or incest, but it very well may add to it. A child who is conceived through rape or incest is made in the image of God the same as any other human. That child’s life should be protected just as much as the life of any other human being. The circumstances of conception never determine the worth of a person or that person’s future. The baby in this situation is completely innocent and should not be punished for the evil act of his or her father. Depending on the situation, the mother might choose to raise the child. If she does not already have a community of support, she can turn to many organizations and local churches prepared to walk alongside her. Or she might place the child for adoption. There are many families, some unable to have children on their own, who stand ready to receive and love a child from any background. It’s also important to keep in mind that abortions due to rape or incest account for a very small percentage of total abortions: only 1 percent of abortions can be traced to cases of rape or incest (Torres and Forrest, cited by Physicians for Reproductive Choice and Health and the Alan Guttmacher Institute in *An Overview of Abortion in the United States*, October 2001, www.abortionfacts.com/facts/8\#cite\-1, accessed 9/9/21\). Another argument often used against the Christian stance on abortion is “What about when the life of the mother is at risk?” Honestly, this is the most difficult question to answer on the issue of abortion. First, let’s remember that such a situation is exceedingly rare. Dr. Landrum Shettles, a pioneer in the field of in vitro fertilization, wrote, “Less than 1 percent of all abortions are performed to save the mother’s life” (Landrum Shettles and David Rorvik, *Rites of Life*, Zondervan Publishing House, 1983, p. 129\). Dr. Irving Cushner, Professor of Obstetrics at the UCLA School of Medicine, when testifying before the U. S. Senate, was asked how often abortions are necessary to save the life of the mother or to preserve her physical health. His response: “In this country, about 1 percent” (testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee’s Subcommittee on the Constitution of the United States on October 14, 1981, quoted in *The Village Voice*, July 16, 1985\). Other medical professionals go further, stating that abortion is *never* necessary to save the mother’s life. Over 1,000 OB\-GYNs and maternal healthcare experts signed a statement in 2012, saying, in part, “As experienced practitioners and researchers in obstetrics and gynaecology, we affirm that direct abortion—the purposeful destruction of the unborn child—is not medically necessary to save the life of a woman” (Dublin Declaration on Maternal Health, www.dublindeclaration.com, accessed 9/9/21\). Further, in 2019, “medical leaders representing more than 30,000 doctors said intentionally killing a late\-term unborn baby in an abortion is never necessary to save a mother’s life” (www.lifenews.com/2019/03/05/30000\-doctors\-say\-abortion\-is\-never\-medically\-necessary\-to\-save\-a\-mothers\-life, accessed 9/9/21\). Second, let’s remember that God is a [God of miracles](God-of-miracles.html). He can preserve the life of a mother and her child despite all the medical odds being against it. Third, even in the small percentage of abortions performed to save the life of the mother, most of those abortions can be prevented by an early induced delivery of the baby or a C\-section. It is extremely rare that a baby must be actively aborted in order to save the life of the mother. Ultimately, if the life of the mother is genuinely at risk, the course of action can only be decided by the woman, her doctor, oftentimes the father of the child, and God. Any woman facing this extremely difficult situation should pray to the Lord for wisdom (James 1:5\) as to what He would have her do. The overwhelming majority of abortions performed today involve women who simply do not want to have the baby. As indicated above, just 2 percent of abortions are for the reason of rape, incest, or the mother’s life being at risk. Even in these more difficult 2 percent of instances, abortion should never be the first option. The life of a human being in the womb is worth every effort to preserve. For those who have had an abortion, remember that the sin of abortion is no less forgivable than any other sin. Through faith in Christ, all sins can be forgiven (John 3:16; Romans 8:1; Colossians 1:14\). A woman who has had an abortion, a man who has encouraged an abortion, and a doctor who has performed an abortion—all can be [forgiven](got-forgiveness.html) by faith in Jesus Christ.

What does the Bible say about birth control? Should Christians use birth control?

Answer Modern birth control methods were unknown in Bible times, and the Bible is, therefore, silent on the matter. The Bible does have quite a lot to say about children, however. The Bible presents children as a gift from God (Genesis 4:1; Genesis 33:5\), a heritage from the Lord (Psalm 127:3\-5\), a blessing from God (Luke 1:42\), and a crown to the aged (Proverbs 17:6\). God sometimes blesses barren women with children (Psalm 113:9; Genesis 21:1\-3; 25:21\-22; 30:1\-2; 1 Samuel 1:6\-8; Luke 1:7, 24\-25\). God forms children in the womb (Psalm 139:13\-16\). God knows children before their birth (Jeremiah 1:5; Galatians 1:15\). The closest that Scripture comes to condemning birth control is Genesis chapter 38, the account of Judah’s sons Er and Onan. Er married a woman named Tamar, but he was wicked and the Lord put him to death, leaving Tamar with no husband or children. Tamar was given in marriage to Er’s brother, Onan, in accordance with the law of levirate marriage in Deuteronomy 25:5\-6\. Onan did not want to split his inheritance with any child that he might produce on his brother’s behalf, so he practiced the oldest form of birth control, withdrawal. Genesis 38:10 says, “What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so He put him to death also.” Onan’s motivation was selfish; he used Tamar for his own pleasure, but refused to perform his legal duty of creating an heir for his deceased brother. This passage is often used as evidence that God does not approve of birth control. However, it was not the act of contraception that caused the Lord to put Onan to death; it was Onan’s selfish motives behind the action. Therefore, we can find no biblical admonition against the use of birth control in and of itself. Contraception, by definition, is merely the opposite of conception. It is not the use of contraception that is wrong or right. As we learned from Onan, it is the motivation behind the contraception that determines if it is right or wrong. Married couples use contraception for a variety of reasons. Some feel called to put off childbearing until they are in a better position to care for children. Some, such as missionary couples, may feel their service to God overrides the desire for children at a particular point in time. Some may be convinced that God has a different plan for them. Ultimately, a couple’s motives for delaying childbearing, using contraception, or even having numerous children, are between them and God. The inability to have children when they are desired is always presented in Scripture as a bad thing, especially considering the cultural stigma attached to childlessness at that time. There is no one in the Bible who expressed a desire not to have any children. At the same time, it cannot be argued from the Bible that it is wrong to use birth control for a limited time, or even permanently, for that matter. All married couples should seek the Lord’s will in regards to when they should try to have children and how many children they seek to have. It all comes down to this: no one has the right to determine whether someone else should or should not use birth control, how many children is the “right” number for them, or whether they should have children at all. As in all things, we are not to judge others or cause brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble, spiritually speaking. Note – the principles outlined in this article apply equally, generally speaking, to the various methods of birth control, including using a condom / condoms, diaphragm / diaphragms, spermicide / spermicides, contraceptives, intrauterine devices, IUD, or coitus interruptus. Also, those who use oral or hormonal contraceptives (the Pill) or an IUD should be aware that both those methods of birth control can prevent the implantation of a fertilized ovum; in other words, low\-dose oral contraceptives and IUDs can be abortifacients.

What does the Bible say about adoption?

Answer Giving children up for adoption can be a loving alternative for parents who may, for various reasons, be unable to care for their own children. It can also be an answer to prayer for many couples who have not been able to have children of their own. Adoption is, for some, a calling to multiply their impact as parents by expanding their family with children who are not their own, biologically. Adoption is spoken of favorably throughout Scripture. The book of Exodus tells the story of a Hebrew woman named Jochebed who bore a son during a time when Pharaoh had ordered all Hebrew male infants to be put to death (Exodus 1:15\-22\). Jochebed took a basket, waterproofed it, and placed the baby in the river in the basket among the reeds. One of Pharaoh’s daughters spotted the basket and retrieved the child. She eventually adopted him into the royal family and gave him the name Moses. He went on to become a faithful and blessed servant of God (Exodus 2:1\-10\). In the book of Esther, a beautiful girl named Esther, who was adopted by her cousin after her parents' death, became a queen, and God used her to bring deliverance to the Jewish people. In the New Testament, Jesus Christ was conceived through the Holy Spirit instead of through the seed of a man (Matthew 1:18\). He was “adopted” and raised by His mother’s husband, Joseph, who took Jesus as his own child. Once we give our hearts to Christ, believing and trusting in Him alone for salvation, God says we become part of His family—not through the natural process of human conception, but through adoption. “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship \[adoption]. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father’” (Romans 8:15\). Similarly, bringing a person into a family by means of adoption is done by choice and out of love. “His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave Him great pleasure” (Ephesians 1:5\). As God adopts those who receive Christ as Savior into His spiritual family, so should we all prayerfully consider adopting children into our own physical families. Clearly adoption—both in the physical sense and in the spiritual sense—is shown in a favorable light in Scripture. Both those who adopt and those who are adopted are receiving a tremendous blessing, a privilege exemplified by our adoption into God’s family.

What does the Bible say about Christian fathers?

Answer The greatest commandment in Scripture is this: “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5\). Going back to verse 2, we read, “So that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.” Following Deuteronomy 6:5, we read, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (vv. 6\-7\). Israelite history reveals that the father was to be diligent in instructing his children in the ways and words of the Lord for their own spiritual development and well\-being. The father who was obedient to the commands of Scripture did just that. This brings us to Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” To “train” indicates the first instruction that a father and mother give to a child, i.e., his early education. The training is designed to make clear to children the manner of life they are intended for. To commence a child’s early education in this way is of great importance. Ephesians 6:4 is a summary of instructions to the father, stated in both a negative and positive way. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The negative part of this verse indicates that a father is not to foster negativity in his children by severity, injustice, partiality, or unreasonable exercise of authority. Harsh, unreasonable conduct toward a child will only serve to nurture evil in the heart. The word *provoke* means “to irritate, exasperate, rub the wrong way, or incite.” This is done by a wrong spirit and wrong methods—severity, unreasonableness, sternness, harshness, cruel demands, needless restrictions, and selfish insistence upon dictatorial authority. Such provocation will produce adverse reactions, deadening children’s affection, reducing their desire for holiness, and making them feel that they cannot possibly please their parents. A wise parent seeks to make obedience desirable and attainable by love and gentleness. The positive part of Ephesians 6:4 is expressed in a comprehensive direction—educate them, bring them up, develop their conduct in all of life by the instruction and admonition of the Lord. This is the whole process of educating and discipline. The word *admonition* carries the idea of reminding the child of faults (constructively) and duties (responsibilities). The Christian father is really an instrument in God’s hand. The whole process of instruction and discipline must be that which God commands and which He administers, so that His authority should be brought into constant and immediate contact with the mind, heart, and conscience of children. The human father should never present himself as the ultimate authority to determine truth and duty. It is only by making God the teacher and ruler on whose authority everything is done that the goals of education can best be attained. Martin Luther said, “Keep an apple beside the rod to give the child when he does well.” Discipline must be exercised with watchful care and constant training with much prayer. Chastening, discipline, and counsel by the Word of God, giving both reproof and encouragement, are at the core of “admonition.” The instruction proceeds from the Lord, is learned in the school of Christian experience, and is administered by the parents—primarily the father, but also, under his direction, the mother. Christian discipline is needed to enable children to grow up with reverence for God, respect for parental authority, knowledge of Christian standards, and habits of self\-control. “All Scripture is God\-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16\-17\). A father’s first responsibility is to acquaint his children with Scripture. The means and methods that fathers may use to teach God’s truth will vary. As the father is faithful in role modeling, what children learn about God will put them in good standing throughout their earthly lives, no matter what they do or where they go.

What does the Bible say about miscarriage?

Answer Probably the most common question people ask after a miscarriage is “Why did this happen?” or “Why did God do this to me?” There are no easy answers to these questions. Indeed, there is no satisfying conclusion that we will ever come to as to why bad things happen to people, especially innocent children. We must understand that God does not take away our loved ones from us as some sort of cruel punishment. The Bible tells us that there is “no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1\). Miscarriages are usually caused by abnormal chromosome patterns in the fetus. When these abnormalities are detected, the growth is halted, and miscarriage is the result. In other instances, miscarriages are caused by uterine malformations, hormonal abnormalities, problems with the immune system, chronic infections, and illnesses. After thousands of years of sin, death and personal destruction, it should not surprise us that genetic disorders would eventually become commonplace. The Bible only mentions miscarriages in the context of blessings and cursings upon Israel. In Exodus 23:26, Israel is promised that “none will miscarry or be barren in your land” if they followed the Mosaic Covenant. Conversely, in Hosea 9:14, Israel in a state of disobedience is promised “wombs that miscarry / and breasts that are dry.” We learn from these passages that spontaneous miscarriages are in God’s hands. We are no longer under the Law, and we can be sure that God has compassion on those who have suffered a miscarriage. He cries and suffers with us, simply because He loves us and feels our pain. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, promised to send His Spirit to all believers so that we will never have to go through trials alone (John 14:16\). Jesus said in Matthew 28:20, “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Any believer who has suffered a miscarriage should have faith in the glorious hope of one day seeing her child again. An unborn child is not only a fetus or a “piece of tissue” to God, but is one of His children. Jeremiah 1:5 says that God knows us while we are still in the womb. Lamentations 3:33 tells us that God “does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.” Jesus promised to leave us with a gift of peace unlike any that the world can give (John 14:27\). Romans 11:36 reminds us that everything exists by God’s power and is intended for His glory. Although He does not inflict suffering on us for punishment, He will allow things to come into our lives that we can use to bring glory to Him. Jesus said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world” (John 16:33\).

What does the Bible say about child abuse?

Answer The Bible does not specifically use the term *child abuse*. What the Bible does tell us is this: children have a special place in God’s heart and anyone who harms a child is inviting God’s wrath upon himself. When Jesus’ disciples tried to keep children from coming to Jesus, He rebuked them and welcomed the children to His side, saying, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:14\). Then [He took the children in His arms](Jesus-and-children.html) and blessed them (verse 16\). The Bible promotes child *blessing*, not child *abuse*. Children are abused and mistreated in several different ways, all of which are abhorrent to God. The Bible prohibits child abuse in its warnings against improper anger. Too many children are the victims of angry beatings and other physical abuse as their parents take out their own anger and frustration on their children. Though some forms of physical discipline may be biblically acceptable, such discipline should never be administered in anger. Paul reminds the Ephesians, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26–27\). Proverbs 29:22 says, “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot\-tempered one commits many sins.” There is no place for unrighteous or uncontrolled anger in the life of a Christian. Anger should be confessed to God and appropriately handled long before it comes to the point of physical abuse against a child or anyone else. The Bible also prohibits child abuse in its condemnation of [sexual sin](sexual-sin.html). Sexual abuse or molestation is particularly devastating, and warnings against sexual sin abound in Scripture. To force sexual acts upon a child is a horrible, evil offense. In addition to committing a sexual sin, the perpetrator is also attacking the innocence of one of the world’s most vulnerable persons. Sexual abuse violates everything about a person from his or her understanding of self to physical boundaries to spiritual connection with God. In a child, these things are so barely established that they are often altered for life and without appropriate help may not ever heal. Another way the Bible prohibits child abuse is in its forbidding of psychological and [emotional abuse](emotional-abuse.html). Ephesians 6:4 warns fathers not to “exasperate” or provoke their children but to bring them up in the “training and instruction of the Lord.” Harsh, unloving verbal discipline, emotional manipulation, or volatile environments alienate children’s minds from their parents and render their instruction and correction useless. Parents can provoke and exasperate their children by placing unreasonable requirements on them, belittling them, or constantly finding fault, thereby producing wounds that can be as bad as or worse than any physical beating can inflict. Colossians 3:21 tells us not to “embitter” our children so they will not become discouraged. Ephesians 4:15–19 says we are to speak the truth in love and use our words to build others up, not allow rotten or destructive words to pour from our lips, especially toward the tender hearts and minds of children. It is abundantly clear what the Bible teaches about the issue of child abuse. Child abuse in any form is evil. **Anyone who suspects that a child is being abused has the obligation to report it to appropriate authorities.** Anyone who has been abused or who has abused children can find [hope](Bible-hope.html), healing, and forgiveness in Jesus Christ. Talking to a pastor or finding a Christian counselor or a support group may be a good place to begin the journey to wholeness.

What does the Bible say about in vitro fertilization (IVF)?

Answer In vitro fertilization is the process of joining a sperm and egg together outside of a woman’s body, then placing the fertilized egg, or zygote, in the woman’s body so that she can become pregnant. In vitro fertilization is a controversial issue among Christians, and the Bible does not address it. Therefore, it becomes a matter of conviction from the Holy Spirit. God values every human life; He creates and plans for every birth. The Bible says, "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. . . . You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb" (Psalm 139:13, 15, NLT). Because the fertilized egg is a living human, there are some moral implications to consider. Often, couples decide to harvest more eggs than they plan to use, which means that some of the embryos end up being destroyed, or frozen for later use. However, if the couple conceives immediately, they may never need to use the frozen embryos, which would then end up being destroyed. The Bible does not give us permission to destroy innocent human life—this would be murder. One way to avoid this problem is to only harvest the eggs that the couple plans to implant in the womb. There is, of course, a high risk that at least some of the fertilized eggs will miscarry, but this way it would be a natural expulsion instead of purposeful destruction. This also means that the woman may have to go through additional procedures and expense to have more eggs harvested later on. Sometimes, people, not wanting to wait for God’s perfect timing, get pregnant by in vitro fertilization out of impatience. The Bible tells us that yielding to the Holy Spirit will give us patience (Galatians 5:22\), and so we must be careful not to take God’s work into our own hands when He may have other purposes for us. A couple should not get involved in in vitro fertilization without prayerfully considering the will of God. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2\).

What does the Bible say about Christian mothers?

Answer Being a mother is a very important role that the Lord chooses to give to many women. A Christian mother is told to love her children (Titus 2:4\-5\), in part so that she does not bring reproach on the Lord and on the Savior whose name she bears. Children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3\-5\). In Titus 2:4, the Greek word *philoteknos* appears in reference to mothers loving their children. This word represents a special kind of “mother love.” The idea that flows out of this word is that of caring for our children, nurturing them, affectionately embracing them, meeting their needs, and tenderly befriending each one as a unique gift from the hand of God. Several things are commanded of Christian mothers in God’s Word: Availability – morning, noon, and night (Deuteronomy 6:6\-7\) Involvement – interacting, discussing, thinking, and processing life together (Ephesians 6:4\) Teaching – the Scriptures and a biblical worldview (Psalm 78:5\-6; Deuteronomy 4:10; Ephesians 6:4\) Training – helping a child to develop skills and discover his/her strengths (Proverbs 22:6\) and spiritual gifts (Romans 12:3\-8 and 1 Corinthians 12\) Discipline – teaching the fear of the Lord, drawing the line consistently, lovingly, firmly (Ephesians 6:4; Hebrews 12:5\-11; Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13\-14; 29:15\-17\) Nurture – providing an environment of constant verbal support, freedom to fail, acceptance, affection, unconditional love (Titus 2:4; 2 Timothy 1:7; Ephesians 4:29\-32; 5:1\-2; Galatians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:8\-9\) Modeling with Integrity – living what you say, being a model from which a child can learn by “catching” the essence of godly living (Deuteronomy 4:9, 15, 23; Proverbs 10:9; 11:3; Psalm 37:18, 37\). The Bible never states that every woman should be a mother. However, it does say that those whom the Lord blesses to be mothers should take the responsibility seriously. Mothers have a unique and crucial role in the lives of their children. Motherhood is not a chore or unpleasant task. Just as a mother bears a child during pregnancy, and just as a mother feeds and cares for a child during infancy, so mothers also play an ongoing role in the lives of their children, whether they are adolescents, teenagers, young adults, or even adults with children of their own. While the role of motherhood must change and develop, the love, care, nurture, and encouragement a mother gives should never cease.

How are children a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3)?

Answer Psalm 127 is one of two psalms attributed to [Solomon](life-Solomon.html) (the other is Psalm 72\) and resembles a proverb. It offers wisdom for building a stable home and godly family in which the Lord is glorified and His kingdom is furthered on earth. As one of the Songs of Ascent, this psalm would remind families as they traveled on their pilgrimages to Jerusalem to depend on God for every need and thank Him for every blessing. One of those blessings is God’s gift of children: “Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord” (Psalm 127:3, CEV). Many Bible translations use the word “heritage” instead of “blessing” and “reward” in place of “gift.” For example, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him” (NIV), and “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (ESV). In the original language, the Hebrew word translated as “heritage” or “blessing” (*nachalah*) means “inheritance.” Solomon affirms the ancient Near East belief that children are God’s gracious gift imparted to parents. In Old Testament times, a large family with many sons and daughters was a sign of the Lord’s blessing and expression of divine favor (Genesis 33:5; Deuteronomy 7:13–14; Joshua 24:3\). In Genesis 1:28, God commanded His people to “be fruitful and multiply.” After the flood, God told Noah, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth” (Genesis 9:1\). As God’s covenant people, the ancient Hebrews appreciated the importance of procreation. The Lord told Abraham, “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you . . . and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you” (Genesis 12:2–3\). Israel’s physical, emotional, and economic strength and security were expressed through large families (Psalm 113:9\). Children are a source of great joy and pleasure (Proverbs 23:24\). At the same time, when they disobey and rebel, they can cause much heartache and grief for their parents. No one can deny that children are an enormous responsibility, but they are also one of life’s greatest assets. Raising children requires a huge investment of time, resources, and love, but the resulting rewards are immeasurable. Jesus acknowledged, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked” (Luke 12:48\). Instead of seeing children as a burden or liability, believers are to accept them as a legacy and gift from God (see Exodus 23:25–26\). Solomon continues: “Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court” (Psalm 127:4–5\). These lines portray a father as a warrior and his children as arrows in his quiver. A soldier with his “quiver full” was fully armed and ready for battle. In families that are established on a godly foundation, children are a vital weapon against the forces of evil in the world. Children, like arrows, can be sent out into the world to advance the cause of God’s kingdom. The Lord commanded the Israelites to teach their children His ways (Deuteronomy 6:6–7; 11:19\), and that responsibility remains with Christian parents today (see Ephesians 6:4\). Fortunately, the Bible offers much wisdom and instruction for raising godly children. The end goal is to produce wise children who will honor and glorify God and serve Him throughout their lives (Proverbs 22:6\). Children are also a blessing from the Lord because they provide future protection and security to their families. In ancient Israel, a household with many sons offered safety and defense—more children equaled less vulnerability. Parents who have children when they are young are blessed because those children will grow up in time to provide support and financial stability for their parents later in life. Grown children safeguard the family inheritance from those who might try to take legal or financial advantage of elderly parents. They also carry on the family heritage to future generations. Moreover, children are a blessing from the Lord in that they demonstrate many character qualities that God wants His kingdom servants to cultivate (Matthew 18:3–4; 19:14; Mark 10:14–15; Luke 18:16–17; 22:26 1 Peter 2:2\). Solomon’s statement that children are a blessing from the Lord does not mean God has not blessed childless couples or that children are the only sign of His favor. It simply means that children are to be received as an expression of God’s goodness and grace and not as a curse or an inconvenience. When God chooses to bless us with children, He intends to bring great joy, pleasure, security, protection, and reward to our home and family through them.

How do I survive trying to raise a teenager?

Answer Many Christian parents wonder if they will survive trying to raise a teenager. Teenagers typically share certain characteristics. First, they are going through the stage in life where they believe they know all there is to know and what they don’t know isn’t worth knowing. Second, the hormones and chemicals charging through their brains and bodies hinder them, often rendering them incapable of reasoning as rational adults. They want what they want when they want it, and often don’t have any clue that what they are asking for will hurt them. It is the job of the parents to keep their children safe from themselves as they negotiate this difficult time of life. Jesus teaches us this in Matthew 7:9\-10 when He says, "You parents \- if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not!" Sometimes children ask for things that look good to them, but which will in fact harm them, so it is the responsibility of the parents to do what is best. We have the same rules—if we ask God for something we think is good, but which God knows is not, He will not give it to us. Having Jesus in your household is the best way to raise children. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6\). If you have become a Christian by asking Jesus into your heart, then the Holy Spirit is living in you and will teach you all things (John 14:26; 1 John 2:27\), and this includes the way we raise our children. Children learn by what they observe from us much more than what we say to them, so being a good example is very important. The Bible teaches us the importance of discipline. "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him" (Proverbs 13:24\). "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death" (Proverbs 19:18\). "Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul" (Proverbs 29:17\). It is very important to lay down rules and enforce them. When children know that what they are doing is wrong, some sort of punishment should follow, but it should be appropriate for the "crime." Lying shows that a child cannot be trusted, so maybe until that trust can be restored, time spent out of the house should be very limited. They will want you to trust them again, so they will learn from that. The worst thing we can do is try to become our children’s friend instead of parent. Discipline should always be carried out with the best interests of the child as the motivation. Ephesians 6:4 says we are not to make our children angry by the way we treat them (this doesn’t mean don’t discipline; it means don’t discipline in anger or frustration), but raise them with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord. Make sure you are telling your child why the behavior is wrong, why you disagree, and that you are doing it out of love for him/her. Hebrews 12:7 tells us that God disciplines all His children when we do wrong because He loves us and it wouldn’t be good for us if He didn’t. When children argue about being punished, which they inevitably will, the wise parent replies, "It’s my responsibility to discipline you, and if I don’t, I have to answer to God. And He’s a lot tougher than I am!" Finally, several things are crucial to survive raising teenagers: a sense of humor, a sense of conviction that you are doing the right thing, reliance on God’s wisdom in His Word, and prayer, prayer, prayer! Not only will these things help parents “survive,” but will also help them model good parenting, which teens will eventually use when they become parents themselves.

What are the roles of the husband and wife in a family?

Answer Although males and females are equal in relationship to Christ, the Scriptures give specific roles to each in marriage. The husband is to assume leadership in the home (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:23\). This leadership should not be dictatorial, condescending, or patronizing to the wife, but should be in accordance with the example of Christ leading the church. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word” (Ephesians 5:25\-26\). Christ loved the church (His people) with compassion, mercy, forgiveness, respect, and selflessness. In this same way husbands are to love their wives. Wives are to submit to the authority of their husbands. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22\-24\). Although women should submit to their husbands, the Bible also tells men several times how they are supposed to treat their wives. The husband is not to take on the role of the dictator, but should show respect for his wife and her opinions. In fact, Ephesians 5:28\-29 exhorts men to love their wives in the same way that they love their own bodies, feeding and caring for them. A man’s love for his wife should be the same as Christ’s love for His body, the church. “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:18\-19\). “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers” (1 Peter 3:7\). From these verses we see that love and respect characterize the roles of both husbands and wives. If these are present, then authority, headship, love, and submission will be no problem for either partner. In regard to the division of responsibilities in the home, the Bible instructs husbands to provide for their families. This means he works and makes enough money to sufficiently provide all the necessities of life for his wife and children. To fail to do so has definite spiritual consequences. “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8\). So, a man who makes no effort to provide for his family cannot rightly call himself a Christian. This does not mean that the wife cannot assist in supporting the family—Proverbs 31 demonstrates that a godly wife may surely do so—but providing for the family is not primarily her responsibility; it is her husband’s. While a husband should help with the children and with household chores (thereby fulfilling his duty to love his wife), Proverbs 31 also makes it clear that the home is to be the woman’s primary area of influence and responsibility. Even if she must stay up late and rise up early, her family is well cared for. This is not an easy lifestyle for many women—especially in affluent Western nations. However, far too many women are stressed out and stretched to the breaking point. To prevent such stress, both husband and wife should prayerfully reorder their priorities and follow the Bible’s instructions on their roles. Conflicts regarding the division of labor in a marriage are bound to occur, but if both partners are submitted to Christ, these conflicts will be minimal. If a couple finds arguments over this issue are frequent and vehement, or if arguments seem to characterize the marriage, the problem is a spiritual one. In such an instance, the partners should recommit themselves to prayer and submission to Christ first, then to one another in an attitude of love and respect.

Should all mothers be stay-at-home moms?

Answer The subject of stay\-at\-home moms is one that has caused much controversy, especially in Western nations where many women work outside the home. There really are only two direct verses/passages that talk about a mother staying at home with her children. Titus 2:3\-5 says, "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self\-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." The other direct verse is 1 Timothy 5:14, which says, "So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander." Another translation for the phrase "to be busy at home" in the Titus 2 passage is "to be keepers at home." Also consider some indirect verses. Proverbs 14:1 states that it is wise for a woman to invest in her home. While it is not necessary to be a stay\-at\-home mom in order to invest in your home, we see the priority that God places on the home and the woman’s involvement. Clearly, the home is not to be neglected for the sake of outside employment. Deuteronomy 6:4\-9 teaches the importance of constantly teaching our children. Of course, this is addressed to fathers as well as mothers. Staying at home with children would only give more opportunities to teach children God’s ways. So it is a positive investment to be made in children’s lives by applying this passage of Scripture literally. Finally, Proverbs 31 is the well\-known passage about the wife and mother of excellence. From the description of her, we learn that this mother did work outside of the home. However, her family never lacked anything. She maintained a proper balance, so her family never suffered. Her family was always her priority. While the Bible leaves women the choice whether to stay at home with the children or go to work outside the home, it certainly is a commendable thing for a mother to be at home with the children and devote herself to training them full time. Women are definitely encouraged in Titus 2 and 1 Timothy 5 to stay at home with their young children. Whatever a woman chooses, she must maintain her home as a priority and her primary sphere of influence.

Does God expect all of us to have children?

Answer It’s really not a matter of whether God “expects” us to have children, since He is sovereign and omniscient and knows who will and who won’t have children. The question is really one of whether or not having children is a requirement for Christians and whether or not we can have a fulfilled, obedient life in Christ without children. The Bible tells us that children are a blessing from God. Psalm 127:3–5 says, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.” This does not mean that those without children are not blessed or that children are the only blessing of God. It simply means children are to be looked upon as a blessing, not a curse or an inconvenience. When God created Adam and Eve, “God blessed them and said to them, ‘[Be fruitful](be-fruitful-and-multiply.html) and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it’” (Genesis 1:28\). After the flood, God told Noah, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth” (Genesis 9:1\). Procreation is part of God’s command for humanity, and He certainly “expected” most people to have children. We also see having children as part of God’s covenant with Abraham. He told Abraham, “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you . . . and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you” (Genesis 12:2–3\). This was ultimately fulfilled through Jesus Christ, the Savior who is fully God and fully human—and who was born from the line of Abraham. In the Old Testament, children were seen as a physical sign of God’s blessing. Even so, and even though most people of that time may have felt differently, infertility was not a reliable sign of God’s displeasure. Many couples in the Bible, such as Elkanah and Hannah (parents of the prophet Samuel), Abraham and Sarah (parents of Isaac), and Zechariah and Elizabeth (parents of John the Baptist), were godly men and women who for years had been infertile. In the New Testament, children are certainly still seen as a blessing. Jesus [welcomed children](let-the-little-children-come-to-me.html) and taught His disciples that children exemplify many of the values of the kingdom of God. The apostle Paul gave instructions to parents and children about living well together (Ephesians 6:1–4\). One of the requirements for an [overseer in the church](qualifications-elders-deacons.html) is that, if he is married with children, he must manage his own household well; if he cannot take care of his own family, he is not likely able to care for the church (1 Timothy 3:4–5\). There is no question that family is highly valued by God. But the New Testament focuses more on spiritual fruitfulness and multiplication than on physical blessings. Believers in Jesus become children of God (John 1:12\). It is His family primarily that we want to expand. We are to make disciples (Matthew 28:19\), not just biological offspring. Children are and always will be a [blessing from God](children-blessing.html)—no matter how a child becomes part of one’s life. But even though God has declared children to be a blessing from Him and procreation is part of the mandate for humanity at large, nowhere does the Bible state that every married couple must have or desire to have children. Again, infertility—at any age—is not a sign of God’s displeasure. Couples without children are in no way less valuable or important to the kingdom of God than those with children. In fact, one might make the case that couples without children are able to devote more of their energy and focus to kingdom work than those with children, much like single people (see 1 Corinthians 7:32\). Married, single, with children, or without children, every child of God is an important member of His family and an integral part of the body of Christ. God’s specific will for every individual and every couple is different. For many, God’s will includes having children, whether naturally or through adoption. For others, His will does not involve having children. For those who want children yet are unable to have them for any reason, committing the desire to God in prayer is best. He can help you walk through the painfulness of the journey and also help you live out His best in this season. For those who do not desire to have children, committing the desire to God in prayer is also best. Sometimes our lack of desire is God\-given. Other times, it is driven by past hurts, fear, or selfishness. When we expose our hearts honestly before God, He can help us sort out the mess, bring healing, and give us the desires of His heart. It is all too easy for our desires for our own lives to become idols. Even good desires, when they take the place of God in our lives, become idols. All of us, no matter our life situation or stage, do well to examine our hearts, be honest with God in prayer, search His Word for wisdom, and commit our lives to Him. Ultimately, it is God who satisfies our hearts, and our lives are to be lived for His glory alone (Romans 12:1–2; Psalm 37\).

How should Christians discipline their children?

Answer How to best discipline children can be a difficult task to learn, but it is crucially important. Some claim that physical discipline (corporal punishment) such as spanking is the only method the Bible supports. Others insist that “time\-outs” and other punishments that do not involve physical discipline are far more effective. What does the Bible say? The Bible teaches that physical discipline is appropriate, beneficial, and necessary. Do not misunderstand—we are by no means advocating child abuse. A child should never be disciplined physically to the extent that it causes actual physical damage. According to the Bible, though, the appropriate and restrained physical discipline of children is a good thing and contributes to the well\-being and correct upbringing of the child. Many Scriptures do in fact promote physical discipline. “don’t fail to correct your children. They won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death” (Proverbs 23:13\-14; see also 13:24; 22:15; 20:30\). The Bible strongly stresses the importance of discipline; it is something we must all have in order to be productive people, and it is much more easily learned when we are young. Children who are not disciplined often grow up rebellious, have no respect for authority, and as a result find it difficult to willingly obey and follow God. God Himself uses discipline to correct us and lead us down the right path and to encourage repentance for our wrong actions (Psalm 94:12; Proverbs 1:7; 6:23; 12:1; 13:1; 15:5; Isaiah 38:16; Hebrews 12:9\). In order to apply discipline correctly and according to biblical principles, parents must be familiar with the scriptural advice regarding discipline. The book of Proverbs contains plentiful wisdom regarding the rearing of children, such as, “A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother” (Proverbs 29:15\). This verse outlines the consequences of not disciplining a child—the parents are disgraced. Of course, discipline must have as its goal the good of the child and must never be used to justify the abuse and mistreatment of children. Never should it be used to vent anger or frustration. Discipline is used to correct and train people to go in the right way. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11\). God’s discipline is loving, as should it be between parent and child. Physical discipline should never be used to cause lasting physical harm or pain. Physical punishment should always be followed immediately by comforting the child with assurance that he/she is loved. These moments are the perfect time to teach a child that God disciplines us because He loves us and that, as parents, we do the same for our children. Can other forms of discipline, such as “time\-outs,” be used instead of physical discipline? Some parents find that their children do not respond well to physical discipline. Some parents find that “time\-outs,” grounding, and/or taking something away from the children is more effective in encouraging behavioral change. If that is indeed the case, by all means, a parent should employ the methods that best produce the needed behavioral change. While the Bible undeniably advocates physical discipline, the Bible is more concerned with the goal of building godly character than it is in the precise method used to produce that goal. Making this issue even more difficult is the fact that governments are beginning to classify all manner of physical discipline as child abuse. Many parents do not spank their children for fear of being reported to the government and risk having their children taken away. What should parents do if a government has made physical discipline of children illegal? According to Romans 13:1\-7, parents should submit to the government. A government should never contradict God’s Word, and physical discipline is, biblically speaking, in the best interest of children. However, keeping children in families in which they will at least receive some discipline is far better than losing children to the “care” of the government. In Ephesians 6:4, fathers are told not to exasperate their children. Instead, they are to bring them up in God’s ways. Raising a child in the “training and instruction of the Lord” includes restrained, corrective, and, yes, loving physical discipline.

What is the biblical perspective on domestic violence?

Answer Domestic violence is narrowly defined as an act or threatened act of violence upon someone with whom the perpetrator is or has previously been in intimate relationship. The term *domestic violence* often brings to mind the concept of the “battered wife” or perhaps a married couple’s verbal argument escalating into physical assault. Domestic violence is also commonly linked to child abuse. Even if the children are not physically injured, watching or hearing a parent being abused can have severe psychological implications. Domestic violence is about power and control. Though the term *violence* has physical connotations, domestic violence or abuse can occur in non\-physical ways. For instance, abusers may manipulate their victims through emotional or economic means. [Verbal abuse](verbal-abuse.html) and sexual abuse are other forms. A person of any age, gender, socio\-economic class, education level, or religion can be impacted by domestic violence. Domestic abuse can be viewed in terms of a “cycle of violence.” Tension builds; the victim attempts to keep the abuser mollified; but, eventually, an incident occurs. The abuser apologizes and attempts to make it up to the victim, perhaps by promising it will never occur again or by lavishing the victim with gifts. Then comes a period of calm before the tension begins to build again. The stages of this cycle may take only minutes or may develop over years. Without intervention, the periods of “making up” and “calm” often disappear. Domestic violence is in stark opposition to God’s plan for families. Genesis 1 and 2 depict marriage as a one\-flesh, helping relationship. Ephesians 5:21 talks about mutual submission. Ephesians 5:22–24 explains a wife’s submissiveness to her husband, while verses 25–33 talk about a husband’s self\-sacrificial love for his wife. First Peter 3:1–7 gives similar instructions. First Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” The two belong to one another and are called to love one another as Christ loved us. Marriage is an image of Christ and the Church. Domestic violence is a far cry from the character of Jesus. Domestic violence involving children is also condemned by God. Psalm 127:3 says, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” God entrusts parents with children, and those parents are to lovingly care for them and train them up. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (see also Colossians 3:21\). Children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1–3\), and discipline is important. But discipline is distinctly different from violence and abuse. Following God involves serving others, not manipulating and controlling them. Jesus told His disciples, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26–28\). His command to us is to “love one another” (John 13:34\). Ephesians 5:1–2 says, “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Christians are called to sacrificially love others, especially those in their own families. Those who are currently in a domestic violence situation should do everything possible to get out safely. Often, the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is when she or he leaves. Contacting the police may be in order, or there may be other local resources available to help. In the United States, the [National Domestic Violence Hotline](http://www.thehotline.org/) can help with information and resources. Their number is 1\-800\-799\-7233\. They can also be found online at http://www.thehotline.org/ (NOTE: computer use can be monitored, so only visit these websites if the abuser has no way of tracking your online activity). When domestic violence is ongoing, safety is the first step. Even after victims are physically safe and bodily wounds have healed, emotional and psychological scars run deep. Domestic violence can have severe spiritual implications as well. Victims may distrust God. Why would He allow such a thing to happen? Is He trustworthy? Does He really love me? Where was He when I was being abused? Walking through the healing process takes time. The emotional reaction to the situation must come. It is appropriate to express anger over the abuse. If we do not acknowledge the severity of the situation—the anger, the confusion, the hurt, the shame, etc.—we cannot heal from it. Too often, victims are prematurely hurried into forgiveness. Ultimately, forgiveness is the thing that will set a victim free. But true forgiveness cannot be extended if the scars of the abuse are not first acknowledged and dealt with. Victims of domestic violence will likely need the support of a well\-trained Christian counselor to journey with them through the healing process. We should not assume that abusers have no needs other than to stop abusing. There are likely unresolved issues that have led them to become abusive. If an abuser is willing to admit his or her culpability and desires help, there is hope. Again, Christian counseling can be of great value. Each domestic violence story is different. The situations and people are so diverse that no one article can sufficiently handle the issue. However, generally speaking, marriage counseling is not an appropriate solution—at least not until all abuse has stopped, both parties have undergone individual counseling, and both parties desire reconciliation. The same would be true for family therapy. Children should never be put into an abusive situation or be expected to remain in one while an abuser learns godly parenting. Domestic violence hurts the heart of God. He is not unmoved by its victims, nor has He abandoned them. His plan for human relationships—particularly those among family—is a beautiful depiction of who He is. Family is meant to reflect God’s love. It saddens Him when a home turns into a place of pain. God’s desire for those involved with domestic violence—both victims and abusers—is healing and wholeness.

What does the Bible say about violence?

Answer Violence is defined as “physical force exerted for the purpose of violating, damaging, or abusing,” and sadly, violence is a part of everyday life. It’s in our movies and television shows, and we live in a world where power is often established through violence. But for Christians, the way of the world is always trumped by the truth of the Word. So what does the Bible say about violence? First of all, violence in the mind is just as hurtful as violence by the hands. Leviticus 19:17 says, “Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.” When we know someone is in sin, is it more loving to keep it quiet and build up hate and resentment towards them? God says that we should speak frankly, and Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:21\-22 that murderous anger can lead the angry man to judgment from God as quickly as a physical blow. The violence he exhibits toward someone else can be brought back upon himself by God. What about violence in war? Exodus 20:13 had been incorrectly translated as “do not kill,” but it literally means “do not murder.” God has allowed for just wars throughout the history of His people. From Abraham to Deborah to David, God’s people have fought as instruments of judgment from a righteous and holy God. Romans 13:1\-4 tells us to submit ourselves to government authorities and that nations have the right to bear the sword against evildoers, both foreign and domestic. Violence occurs, but we must recognize the difference between holy judgment on sin and our own personal vendettas against those we dislike, which is the inevitable outcome of pride (Psalm 73:6\). While men are more prone to accept violence (especially as cultures depict real men as those who never cry, always have a plan, and carry a gun), the wisest man of all time wrote, “Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways” (Proverbs 3:31\). Prayer and patience beats violence and anger on any day.