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NDNguitarguy | I really don't mind rolling with women but please don't wear low cut loose fitting tee shirts under your gi. When I break your posture everything is in full view and it is a little distracting, mainly because I start trying not to stare and risk coming off as a creep. On top of that I need to worry about fingers and toes getting caught and pulling it down, and you fixing it every few seconds to prevent any slippage.
TLDR: bjj is not the place to show off your cleavage. Wear a rashguard. | I really don't mind rolling with women but please don't wear low cut loose fitting tee shirts under your gi. When I break your posture everything is in full view and it is a little distracting, mainly because I start trying not to stare and risk coming off as a creep. On top of that I need to worry about fingers and toes getting caught and pulling it down, and you fixing it every few seconds to prevent any slippage.
TLDR: bjj is not the place to show off your cleavage. Wear a rashguard.
| bjj | t5_2qn02 | ch5raew | I really don't mind rolling with women but please don't wear low cut loose fitting tee shirts under your gi. When I break your posture everything is in full view and it is a little distracting, mainly because I start trying not to stare and risk coming off as a creep. On top of that I need to worry about fingers and toes getting caught and pulling it down, and you fixing it every few seconds to prevent any slippage. | bjj is not the place to show off your cleavage. Wear a rashguard. |
CC_DKP | The correct answer is an unfortunately generic "Antenna". More than likely they are either 2.4Ghz, 4.9Ghz, or 5.8Ghz (I can't tell without a better size reference). There are a couple things they are used for in traffic:
* Wireless Ethernet - Be it 802.11 variant, wimax, or something proprietary. They are used to link various devices back for central monitoring, or provide network access for things like busses or police. These are usually pointed at the other end of the link. Seeing as these are pointed down, this is probably not the answer in this case.
* Bluetooth sensors - Many DoT organizations use bluetooth tracking to measure travel time and traffic flow on streets/highways. Many models hook up to a generic 2.4Ghz antenna (similar to what is pictured above). These are pointed down toward the roadway, but usually only 1 is needed for 3-4 lanes of traffic, so this is probably not it, either.
* Traffic Occupancy Sensors - This is most likely what you are looking at. Rather than cutting the big rings in the road surface and embedding inductive loops (the figure 8 or square you sometimes see in the road), many cities are moving toward wireless occupancy sensors, since they are quicker and easier to install. If the asphalt hasn't been redone lately, you may notice some black circles in the center of the lane (A Tar cap, normally ~4in). The antennas you are looking at are most likely the receiver for these. Here is an example of a [typical setup](
**TL;DR: Most likely wireless traffic sensors.** | The correct answer is an unfortunately generic "Antenna". More than likely they are either 2.4Ghz, 4.9Ghz, or 5.8Ghz (I can't tell without a better size reference). There are a couple things they are used for in traffic:
Wireless Ethernet - Be it 802.11 variant, wimax, or something proprietary. They are used to link various devices back for central monitoring, or provide network access for things like busses or police. These are usually pointed at the other end of the link. Seeing as these are pointed down, this is probably not the answer in this case.
Bluetooth sensors - Many DoT organizations use bluetooth tracking to measure travel time and traffic flow on streets/highways. Many models hook up to a generic 2.4Ghz antenna (similar to what is pictured above). These are pointed down toward the roadway, but usually only 1 is needed for 3-4 lanes of traffic, so this is probably not it, either.
Traffic Occupancy Sensors - This is most likely what you are looking at. Rather than cutting the big rings in the road surface and embedding inductive loops (the figure 8 or square you sometimes see in the road), many cities are moving toward wireless occupancy sensors, since they are quicker and easier to install. If the asphalt hasn't been redone lately, you may notice some black circles in the center of the lane (A Tar cap, normally ~4in). The antennas you are looking at are most likely the receiver for these. Here is an example of a [typical setup](
TL;DR: Most likely wireless traffic sensors.
| whatisthisthing | t5_2s3kh | ch5fugp | The correct answer is an unfortunately generic "Antenna". More than likely they are either 2.4Ghz, 4.9Ghz, or 5.8Ghz (I can't tell without a better size reference). There are a couple things they are used for in traffic:
Wireless Ethernet - Be it 802.11 variant, wimax, or something proprietary. They are used to link various devices back for central monitoring, or provide network access for things like busses or police. These are usually pointed at the other end of the link. Seeing as these are pointed down, this is probably not the answer in this case.
Bluetooth sensors - Many DoT organizations use bluetooth tracking to measure travel time and traffic flow on streets/highways. Many models hook up to a generic 2.4Ghz antenna (similar to what is pictured above). These are pointed down toward the roadway, but usually only 1 is needed for 3-4 lanes of traffic, so this is probably not it, either.
Traffic Occupancy Sensors - This is most likely what you are looking at. Rather than cutting the big rings in the road surface and embedding inductive loops (the figure 8 or square you sometimes see in the road), many cities are moving toward wireless occupancy sensors, since they are quicker and easier to install. If the asphalt hasn't been redone lately, you may notice some black circles in the center of the lane (A Tar cap, normally ~4in). The antennas you are looking at are most likely the receiver for these. Here is an example of a [typical setup]( | Most likely wireless traffic sensors. |
mileylols | It might be a hedge on the bookie side; Danica is a pretty popular driver so the volume of bets on her is a lot higher than on a less popular driver with the same actual odds. It would be disastrous if she actually wins and the site has to pay out 200:1 on such a large volume of bets. Artificially inflating her odds to 50:1 reduces this problem by a lot. The site will still lose money on the race in the event of a Danica win (I'm pretty willing to bet that way more than 2% of overall bets are on Danica), but it won't put them out of business. That kind of security is worth the slight reduction in expected profit that comes from some betters moving to more favored drivers because they don't like the spread on Danica.
**tl;dr** The betting site might not actually be able to afford to pay out Danica's actual odds because she gets more bets than a typical underdog. | It might be a hedge on the bookie side; Danica is a pretty popular driver so the volume of bets on her is a lot higher than on a less popular driver with the same actual odds. It would be disastrous if she actually wins and the site has to pay out 200:1 on such a large volume of bets. Artificially inflating her odds to 50:1 reduces this problem by a lot. The site will still lose money on the race in the event of a Danica win (I'm pretty willing to bet that way more than 2% of overall bets are on Danica), but it won't put them out of business. That kind of security is worth the slight reduction in expected profit that comes from some betters moving to more favored drivers because they don't like the spread on Danica.
tl;dr The betting site might not actually be able to afford to pay out Danica's actual odds because she gets more bets than a typical underdog.
| dogecoin | t5_2zcp2 | ch54y80 | It might be a hedge on the bookie side; Danica is a pretty popular driver so the volume of bets on her is a lot higher than on a less popular driver with the same actual odds. It would be disastrous if she actually wins and the site has to pay out 200:1 on such a large volume of bets. Artificially inflating her odds to 50:1 reduces this problem by a lot. The site will still lose money on the race in the event of a Danica win (I'm pretty willing to bet that way more than 2% of overall bets are on Danica), but it won't put them out of business. That kind of security is worth the slight reduction in expected profit that comes from some betters moving to more favored drivers because they don't like the spread on Danica. | The betting site might not actually be able to afford to pay out Danica's actual odds because she gets more bets than a typical underdog. |
bogotahorrible | Beware the advice of anyone who tells you to *absolutely not* do/use something, or that you *must* do/use something:
The other shoe
Oh if it were
only the other
shoe hanging
in space before
joining its mate.
If the undropped
didn't congregate
with the undropped.
But nothing can
stop the mid-air
collusion of the
unpaired above us
acquiring density
and weight. We
feel it accumulate.
--Kay Ryan
The point is to know that you're using those things and why. How do you use them? Are they being used as shortcuts to an idea (bad! poetry is never a shortcut) or as a way towards the deepening of an idea (good!)?
If there's no radar in a poem, why are you talking about radar? If there's not a mechanistic device or a biological contrast, why are you talking about a "well-oiled machine"? Is it merely the first thing that popped into your head? (Did it actually **POP** or, was it there already and you simply rolled it into place?)
Someone said to me recently, paraphrasing: "What's **it** doing?" "How are you *using* it?"
Cliches are like anything else previously established, there's a comfortable power in its familiarity and warmth but—in contrast—a dangerous laziness when the writer relies on it unthinkingly.
Also, remember that poetry is not always written from the point of view of the author/writer/poet... oftentimes the speaker is a character in the poem. Would that character think to use anything other than a cliche? Does the reader know the speaker a character? etc etc etc... poetry is infinitely cool.
TL;DR — Feel free to use cliches if you're aware that they're generally terrible little dicks that will tie your shoes together and push you down the basement steps. | Beware the advice of anyone who tells you to absolutely not do/use something, or that you must do/use something:
The other shoe
Oh if it were
only the other
shoe hanging
in space before
joining its mate.
If the undropped
didn't congregate
with the undropped.
But nothing can
stop the mid-air
collusion of the
unpaired above us
acquiring density
and weight. We
feel it accumulate.
--Kay Ryan
The point is to know that you're using those things and why. How do you use them? Are they being used as shortcuts to an idea (bad! poetry is never a shortcut) or as a way towards the deepening of an idea (good!)?
If there's no radar in a poem, why are you talking about radar? If there's not a mechanistic device or a biological contrast, why are you talking about a "well-oiled machine"? Is it merely the first thing that popped into your head? (Did it actually POP or, was it there already and you simply rolled it into place?)
Someone said to me recently, paraphrasing: "What's it doing?" "How are you using it?"
Cliches are like anything else previously established, there's a comfortable power in its familiarity and warmth but—in contrast—a dangerous laziness when the writer relies on it unthinkingly.
Also, remember that poetry is not always written from the point of view of the author/writer/poet... oftentimes the speaker is a character in the poem. Would that character think to use anything other than a cliche? Does the reader know the speaker a character? etc etc etc... poetry is infinitely cool.
TL;DR — Feel free to use cliches if you're aware that they're generally terrible little dicks that will tie your shoes together and push you down the basement steps.
| Poetry | t5_2qhhu | ch5hbqx | Beware the advice of anyone who tells you to absolutely not do/use something, or that you must do/use something:
The other shoe
Oh if it were
only the other
shoe hanging
in space before
joining its mate.
If the undropped
didn't congregate
with the undropped.
But nothing can
stop the mid-air
collusion of the
unpaired above us
acquiring density
and weight. We
feel it accumulate.
--Kay Ryan
The point is to know that you're using those things and why. How do you use them? Are they being used as shortcuts to an idea (bad! poetry is never a shortcut) or as a way towards the deepening of an idea (good!)?
If there's no radar in a poem, why are you talking about radar? If there's not a mechanistic device or a biological contrast, why are you talking about a "well-oiled machine"? Is it merely the first thing that popped into your head? (Did it actually POP or, was it there already and you simply rolled it into place?)
Someone said to me recently, paraphrasing: "What's it doing?" "How are you using it?"
Cliches are like anything else previously established, there's a comfortable power in its familiarity and warmth but—in contrast—a dangerous laziness when the writer relies on it unthinkingly.
Also, remember that poetry is not always written from the point of view of the author/writer/poet... oftentimes the speaker is a character in the poem. Would that character think to use anything other than a cliche? Does the reader know the speaker a character? etc etc etc... poetry is infinitely cool. | Feel free to use cliches if you're aware that they're generally terrible little dicks that will tie your shoes together and push you down the basement steps. |
myrtg7 | I make a living on art. Honestly I think it is way easier to find a job in art if you mix it with something more technical. Digital artist isnt exactly the easiest gig to land, but its a whole lot more of a 'career path' than lots of other artistic offshoots. I left my job to take care of my daughter full time for a couple years, but I still get easy 40hrs/wk of freelance work making characters for games.
TLDR: For good digital artists there is always work. | I make a living on art. Honestly I think it is way easier to find a job in art if you mix it with something more technical. Digital artist isnt exactly the easiest gig to land, but its a whole lot more of a 'career path' than lots of other artistic offshoots. I left my job to take care of my daughter full time for a couple years, but I still get easy 40hrs/wk of freelance work making characters for games.
TLDR: For good digital artists there is always work.
| AdviceAnimals | t5_2s7tt | ch5t3ms | I make a living on art. Honestly I think it is way easier to find a job in art if you mix it with something more technical. Digital artist isnt exactly the easiest gig to land, but its a whole lot more of a 'career path' than lots of other artistic offshoots. I left my job to take care of my daughter full time for a couple years, but I still get easy 40hrs/wk of freelance work making characters for games. | For good digital artists there is always work. |
CAFFEINE_ENEMA | It depends on the needs of the establishment owner. There are some places around my city that have their entire menu written up in chalk. These places might also have a menu that changes about once a month as things go in or out of season.
If I'm not mistaken, the establishment that popularized this look for my town was [Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream.]( The image in the link may actually show an old chalkboard as these days they tend to get a bit more fancy with it. So Jeni's might hire someone to go around to all of their locations and redo the chalkboards about every three months. It would be more practical than depending on the regular staff to do it as a trained artist/designer could give more consistent results. But that might not suit everyone's needs.
There's a board game bar here that hired a designer to write on four pillars covered with chalkboard paint. She did a highly designed look on most of the surfaces and then left a blank section for the staff to write in or erase what's currently on tap. They might not ask her (or another artist) to come back for several months (or even years) to update the design.
Then there's Giant Eagle Market District... They have chalkboards all over the store. Bakery, cheese, wine, produce, restaurant, and the in-store coffee shop all have chalkboards that change on a weekly or monthly basis.
The bars in the trendier part of town use a mix of freelance designers and people who are already a part of their staff. If they have someone on staff who's got a little talent, they might just use that person's skills. But that part of town has a little chalkboard out in front of just about every establishment. Bars, antique shops, thrift stores, restaurants, and curiosity shops all have them. It's hard to walk 20 feet there without stepping around one. Since the area is saturated with that kind of thing, establishment owners are a little more willing to hire someone who'll make something that really sticks out.
TL;DR- Small businesses (and some large ones too) are keeping a few artists from starving. | It depends on the needs of the establishment owner. There are some places around my city that have their entire menu written up in chalk. These places might also have a menu that changes about once a month as things go in or out of season.
If I'm not mistaken, the establishment that popularized this look for my town was [Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream.]( The image in the link may actually show an old chalkboard as these days they tend to get a bit more fancy with it. So Jeni's might hire someone to go around to all of their locations and redo the chalkboards about every three months. It would be more practical than depending on the regular staff to do it as a trained artist/designer could give more consistent results. But that might not suit everyone's needs.
There's a board game bar here that hired a designer to write on four pillars covered with chalkboard paint. She did a highly designed look on most of the surfaces and then left a blank section for the staff to write in or erase what's currently on tap. They might not ask her (or another artist) to come back for several months (or even years) to update the design.
Then there's Giant Eagle Market District... They have chalkboards all over the store. Bakery, cheese, wine, produce, restaurant, and the in-store coffee shop all have chalkboards that change on a weekly or monthly basis.
The bars in the trendier part of town use a mix of freelance designers and people who are already a part of their staff. If they have someone on staff who's got a little talent, they might just use that person's skills. But that part of town has a little chalkboard out in front of just about every establishment. Bars, antique shops, thrift stores, restaurants, and curiosity shops all have them. It's hard to walk 20 feet there without stepping around one. Since the area is saturated with that kind of thing, establishment owners are a little more willing to hire someone who'll make something that really sticks out.
TL;DR- Small businesses (and some large ones too) are keeping a few artists from starving.
| AdviceAnimals | t5_2s7tt | ch61n9h | It depends on the needs of the establishment owner. There are some places around my city that have their entire menu written up in chalk. These places might also have a menu that changes about once a month as things go in or out of season.
If I'm not mistaken, the establishment that popularized this look for my town was [Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream.]( The image in the link may actually show an old chalkboard as these days they tend to get a bit more fancy with it. So Jeni's might hire someone to go around to all of their locations and redo the chalkboards about every three months. It would be more practical than depending on the regular staff to do it as a trained artist/designer could give more consistent results. But that might not suit everyone's needs.
There's a board game bar here that hired a designer to write on four pillars covered with chalkboard paint. She did a highly designed look on most of the surfaces and then left a blank section for the staff to write in or erase what's currently on tap. They might not ask her (or another artist) to come back for several months (or even years) to update the design.
Then there's Giant Eagle Market District... They have chalkboards all over the store. Bakery, cheese, wine, produce, restaurant, and the in-store coffee shop all have chalkboards that change on a weekly or monthly basis.
The bars in the trendier part of town use a mix of freelance designers and people who are already a part of their staff. If they have someone on staff who's got a little talent, they might just use that person's skills. But that part of town has a little chalkboard out in front of just about every establishment. Bars, antique shops, thrift stores, restaurants, and curiosity shops all have them. It's hard to walk 20 feet there without stepping around one. Since the area is saturated with that kind of thing, establishment owners are a little more willing to hire someone who'll make something that really sticks out. | Small businesses (and some large ones too) are keeping a few artists from starving. |
LeSeanMcoy | There's nothing wrong with being an art major. Honestly, you should only ever major in something that excites you. If engineering or programming excites you, you're probably going to live a pretty easy life. You're going to find a job relatively easily and you're going to make a lot of money. Now, if you hate programming and do it for the money. Then, well, your work life is going to ruin you.
On the other hand, being an art major is a little bit harder but equally worthwhile. It's going to be harder to find a job and it probably won't pay as much, but if it's what you love to do you have to buckle up and pursue it. At the end of the day you'll be just as happy as the engineering major/programmer. However, if you pick an art major just because it's easy and you have no real passion for it, then you'll probably live a life of unfulfilling work and low pay.
tl;dr Pick a major based on interests and you'll probably be okay with the outcome. | There's nothing wrong with being an art major. Honestly, you should only ever major in something that excites you. If engineering or programming excites you, you're probably going to live a pretty easy life. You're going to find a job relatively easily and you're going to make a lot of money. Now, if you hate programming and do it for the money. Then, well, your work life is going to ruin you.
On the other hand, being an art major is a little bit harder but equally worthwhile. It's going to be harder to find a job and it probably won't pay as much, but if it's what you love to do you have to buckle up and pursue it. At the end of the day you'll be just as happy as the engineering major/programmer. However, if you pick an art major just because it's easy and you have no real passion for it, then you'll probably live a life of unfulfilling work and low pay.
tl;dr Pick a major based on interests and you'll probably be okay with the outcome.
| AdviceAnimals | t5_2s7tt | ch5gvcs | There's nothing wrong with being an art major. Honestly, you should only ever major in something that excites you. If engineering or programming excites you, you're probably going to live a pretty easy life. You're going to find a job relatively easily and you're going to make a lot of money. Now, if you hate programming and do it for the money. Then, well, your work life is going to ruin you.
On the other hand, being an art major is a little bit harder but equally worthwhile. It's going to be harder to find a job and it probably won't pay as much, but if it's what you love to do you have to buckle up and pursue it. At the end of the day you'll be just as happy as the engineering major/programmer. However, if you pick an art major just because it's easy and you have no real passion for it, then you'll probably live a life of unfulfilling work and low pay. | Pick a major based on interests and you'll probably be okay with the outcome. |
turp11 | I read some of the comments, but not all, so this may very well have been answered or viewed by you already. I think the part of the argument about the definition of the word "belief," and it's use, is fundamentally flawed here.
First, the various times I read the word "belief" it was proposed that it means "The acceptance that a statement is true." And, therefore, a belief that something isn't true, holds that there is a belief in the contrary opinion, and thus another belief.
The flaw is twofold (that is, two reasons that I can think of at the moment): (1) The word "belief" has more definitions than the one provided, (2) and the overall thought that there is only two sides to take in this argument is a false dilemma.
(1) Although partly a correct definition the first time, it can also mean "Trust, faith or confidence that a statement is true," "A feeling of being sure that something/someone exists or something exists," or "A state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing" among many other different wordings...and thats just the english vernacular (What about other languages that don't even carry this word?). Point being, is that any one word has more than one way to put it or define it and, as such, belief can't be constricted to simply "The acceptance that a statement is true." Comparing the various definitions, I have faith (read: complete confidence) that gravity is real, rather than simply believing (read: a feeling of) it is real. Now, are these the same statements or does one seem more certain than the other, and thus something more than just a belief? Does that make the word "belief" too ambiguous? Depends on who you ask, but I believe the word "belief" is being restricted to one definition unnecessarily.
(2) You are absolutely correct in arguing that when someone takes the opposite stance, that of unbelief, they are simply saying that they believe the opposite to be true, belief, and thus creating a different type of belief. For some reason no one took this further, however, and I think it's ludicrous that it hasn't (again, I haven't read all the comments since there are close to 300 and I just don't have time). This is, quite simply, a false dilemma. Just because we can't conceivably come up with an alternative to our views on religion does not mean that an alternative doesn't exist (big. fat. fallacy.). What about indifference? What if believing or not believing lacks any sort of belief at all, both unbelief and belief? For this I cite the philosophy of existential nihilism as a prime example. Not only is religion not even considered as anything, but life itself lacks purpose and is utterly pointless. Does belief even factor into this person's thoughts who follow this philosophy or is does this person accept this philosophy as fact, thus eliminating any and all chances of belief in anything (non-belief as fact, not belief in unbelief)?
TL;DR
-- (1) The word belief is unnecessarily restricted to one definition, when many exist.
-- (2) False Dilemma, could be more choices whether we want to accept that or not. What about indifference? Existential nihilism cited as example.
Conclusion: This argument pre-supposes that an answer doesn't exist (how can you claim to know that religious belief in a deity doesn't exist when you don't know all the rules of language, both english and otherwise, or rules of all the philosophies that have ever been proposed? You should read up on Socrates because he would call you a fool). How can anyone be sure of anything when language, gods, and every other form of categorizing/recognizing the world, through symbols and otherwise, have been man made? Read up on Nietzsche.
Your post just has so much unpacking that I fear I haven't even scratched the surface (one last one: you can have secular beliefs about gods, not just religious ones. For example, our views on the Greek gods are secular views since those gods are clearly fake).
I will leave you with my category of skepticism (is this still a belief in non-belief or a thought that something is impossible to attain, both physically and otherwise?) If I had to pick one of the four choices on the "Theism Chart" that seems so prevalent in this thread, I would claim Gnostic Atheist (There are more than 4 choices, due to the fact that just because it isn't on the chart doesn't mean an alternative doesn't exist). I hold that all deities, here and otherwise, are an impossibility and fictitious. My level of "belief," if I had to gauge it and use that word, would be faith (read: complete confidence). Unless evidence becomes apparent that god is an actually thing that exists, and not simply a concept that has been man made, I will forever understand that the concept of god is fake and a sham, much like the greek gods before our modern concept of god. | I read some of the comments, but not all, so this may very well have been answered or viewed by you already. I think the part of the argument about the definition of the word "belief," and it's use, is fundamentally flawed here.
First, the various times I read the word "belief" it was proposed that it means "The acceptance that a statement is true." And, therefore, a belief that something isn't true, holds that there is a belief in the contrary opinion, and thus another belief.
The flaw is twofold (that is, two reasons that I can think of at the moment): (1) The word "belief" has more definitions than the one provided, (2) and the overall thought that there is only two sides to take in this argument is a false dilemma.
(1) Although partly a correct definition the first time, it can also mean "Trust, faith or confidence that a statement is true," "A feeling of being sure that something/someone exists or something exists," or "A state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing" among many other different wordings...and thats just the english vernacular (What about other languages that don't even carry this word?). Point being, is that any one word has more than one way to put it or define it and, as such, belief can't be constricted to simply "The acceptance that a statement is true." Comparing the various definitions, I have faith (read: complete confidence) that gravity is real, rather than simply believing (read: a feeling of) it is real. Now, are these the same statements or does one seem more certain than the other, and thus something more than just a belief? Does that make the word "belief" too ambiguous? Depends on who you ask, but I believe the word "belief" is being restricted to one definition unnecessarily.
(2) You are absolutely correct in arguing that when someone takes the opposite stance, that of unbelief, they are simply saying that they believe the opposite to be true, belief, and thus creating a different type of belief. For some reason no one took this further, however, and I think it's ludicrous that it hasn't (again, I haven't read all the comments since there are close to 300 and I just don't have time). This is, quite simply, a false dilemma. Just because we can't conceivably come up with an alternative to our views on religion does not mean that an alternative doesn't exist (big. fat. fallacy.). What about indifference? What if believing or not believing lacks any sort of belief at all, both unbelief and belief? For this I cite the philosophy of existential nihilism as a prime example. Not only is religion not even considered as anything, but life itself lacks purpose and is utterly pointless. Does belief even factor into this person's thoughts who follow this philosophy or is does this person accept this philosophy as fact, thus eliminating any and all chances of belief in anything (non-belief as fact, not belief in unbelief)?
TL;DR
-- (1) The word belief is unnecessarily restricted to one definition, when many exist.
-- (2) False Dilemma, could be more choices whether we want to accept that or not. What about indifference? Existential nihilism cited as example.
Conclusion: This argument pre-supposes that an answer doesn't exist (how can you claim to know that religious belief in a deity doesn't exist when you don't know all the rules of language, both english and otherwise, or rules of all the philosophies that have ever been proposed? You should read up on Socrates because he would call you a fool). How can anyone be sure of anything when language, gods, and every other form of categorizing/recognizing the world, through symbols and otherwise, have been man made? Read up on Nietzsche.
Your post just has so much unpacking that I fear I haven't even scratched the surface (one last one: you can have secular beliefs about gods, not just religious ones. For example, our views on the Greek gods are secular views since those gods are clearly fake).
I will leave you with my category of skepticism (is this still a belief in non-belief or a thought that something is impossible to attain, both physically and otherwise?) If I had to pick one of the four choices on the "Theism Chart" that seems so prevalent in this thread, I would claim Gnostic Atheist (There are more than 4 choices, due to the fact that just because it isn't on the chart doesn't mean an alternative doesn't exist). I hold that all deities, here and otherwise, are an impossibility and fictitious. My level of "belief," if I had to gauge it and use that word, would be faith (read: complete confidence). Unless evidence becomes apparent that god is an actually thing that exists, and not simply a concept that has been man made, I will forever understand that the concept of god is fake and a sham, much like the greek gods before our modern concept of god.
| atheism | t5_2qh2p | ch6p21s | I read some of the comments, but not all, so this may very well have been answered or viewed by you already. I think the part of the argument about the definition of the word "belief," and it's use, is fundamentally flawed here.
First, the various times I read the word "belief" it was proposed that it means "The acceptance that a statement is true." And, therefore, a belief that something isn't true, holds that there is a belief in the contrary opinion, and thus another belief.
The flaw is twofold (that is, two reasons that I can think of at the moment): (1) The word "belief" has more definitions than the one provided, (2) and the overall thought that there is only two sides to take in this argument is a false dilemma.
(1) Although partly a correct definition the first time, it can also mean "Trust, faith or confidence that a statement is true," "A feeling of being sure that something/someone exists or something exists," or "A state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing" among many other different wordings...and thats just the english vernacular (What about other languages that don't even carry this word?). Point being, is that any one word has more than one way to put it or define it and, as such, belief can't be constricted to simply "The acceptance that a statement is true." Comparing the various definitions, I have faith (read: complete confidence) that gravity is real, rather than simply believing (read: a feeling of) it is real. Now, are these the same statements or does one seem more certain than the other, and thus something more than just a belief? Does that make the word "belief" too ambiguous? Depends on who you ask, but I believe the word "belief" is being restricted to one definition unnecessarily.
(2) You are absolutely correct in arguing that when someone takes the opposite stance, that of unbelief, they are simply saying that they believe the opposite to be true, belief, and thus creating a different type of belief. For some reason no one took this further, however, and I think it's ludicrous that it hasn't (again, I haven't read all the comments since there are close to 300 and I just don't have time). This is, quite simply, a false dilemma. Just because we can't conceivably come up with an alternative to our views on religion does not mean that an alternative doesn't exist (big. fat. fallacy.). What about indifference? What if believing or not believing lacks any sort of belief at all, both unbelief and belief? For this I cite the philosophy of existential nihilism as a prime example. Not only is religion not even considered as anything, but life itself lacks purpose and is utterly pointless. Does belief even factor into this person's thoughts who follow this philosophy or is does this person accept this philosophy as fact, thus eliminating any and all chances of belief in anything (non-belief as fact, not belief in unbelief)? | 1) The word belief is unnecessarily restricted to one definition, when many exist.
-- (2) False Dilemma, could be more choices whether we want to accept that or not. What about indifference? Existential nihilism cited as example.
Conclusion: This argument pre-supposes that an answer doesn't exist (how can you claim to know that religious belief in a deity doesn't exist when you don't know all the rules of language, both english and otherwise, or rules of all the philosophies that have ever been proposed? You should read up on Socrates because he would call you a fool). How can anyone be sure of anything when language, gods, and every other form of categorizing/recognizing the world, through symbols and otherwise, have been man made? Read up on Nietzsche.
Your post just has so much unpacking that I fear I haven't even scratched the surface (one last one: you can have secular beliefs about gods, not just religious ones. For example, our views on the Greek gods are secular views since those gods are clearly fake).
I will leave you with my category of skepticism (is this still a belief in non-belief or a thought that something is impossible to attain, both physically and otherwise?) If I had to pick one of the four choices on the "Theism Chart" that seems so prevalent in this thread, I would claim Gnostic Atheist (There are more than 4 choices, due to the fact that just because it isn't on the chart doesn't mean an alternative doesn't exist). I hold that all deities, here and otherwise, are an impossibility and fictitious. My level of "belief," if I had to gauge it and use that word, would be faith (read: complete confidence). Unless evidence becomes apparent that god is an actually thing that exists, and not simply a concept that has been man made, I will forever understand that the concept of god is fake and a sham, much like the greek gods before our modern concept of god. |
nicky_dice | I (m) experienced a somewhat similar situation over the last few years.
---- / begin backstory / ----
My partner (f) and I got together when we were both 19 and stayed monogamous until we were 26. There had been ups and downs, but after 7-ish years we were a really solid couple – strong communication, great domestic compatibility, regular-ish sex that felt intimate and connected, wonderful support for each other in all areas of life. She'd always identified as bi, but had never been with a woman romantically or sexually. Then we met a non-monogamous couple and she really hit it off... with both of them... so we opened our relationship. I started dating on OkC. Things with the other couple fizzled out after 5 or 6 months. My partner then started dating widely, and she met a girl that she *really* hit it off with.
A few months after that we agree that our hierarchical approach to polyamory is unfair. We stop using "primary" and "secondary". We still have sex, but it feels more like "maintenance" than something either of us really yearns for. We both realize that sex was never the cornerstone of our relationship, and the truth is that we're having much more deeply satisfying sex with other partners. Like OP, I realize that I'm mostly turned on by my partner's arousal... and for the first time in my life I'm having sex with partners who are *super* aroused. It occurs to me that sex with my partner had always been "maintenance" sex of a sort.
Not too long later, we stop having sex entirely. She starts identifying as lesbian. At this point, she and I live together, but she is sexually monogamous with her girlfriend, who lives elsewhere.
The few months after this we spend a lot of time talking about the nature of our relationship. What are we for one another? Still partners? Are we family? How do we maintain the things that we really love about our relationship? What do we tell people? How do we make sense of whatever this relationship has become?
Soon afterwards, we agree that we are "breaking up"... but it's still sort of unclear what this means. And then a month or so after that, she asks me to move out so that she and her girlfriend can live together. They both want to explore the possibilities afforded by a domestic life together.
---- /end backstory/ ----
So that didn't really work out. And there are a few key reasons that are super clear in retrospect.
1. We were sexually incompatible from the beginning. We didn't realize it, because we were so inexperienced when we got together. Once we'd both found partners that were sexually compatible with, we both started to want develop full romantic and domestic relationships with those partners. Some of that was possible in the poly context, but the other following factors that complicated things...
2. We had different life goals. I didn't mention this above, but one big sticking point was that she wants kids and I do not. The girlfriend she found also wanted kids. Since they shared that long term life plan, they started imagining a future together that realized that vision. It was always a little unclear where I would fit in that future. We talked over a lot of options (I could be a sperm donor, uncle figure, etc.). But it often came back to the problem: how would we continue having the partnership that we developed if she was focused on raising children that I didn't want to raise.
3. Her girlfriend, it turns out, was manipulative and actively working to isolate her from me, her friends, and her family. This really didn't become clear until they started living together, but it became very clear at that point. Given this factor, it's tempting to look back at the gradual changes in my relationship with my ex and wonder how much of our distance from one another was due to the machinations of the other woman.
Once my ex realized that her girlfriend was abusive, she ended it. We didn't try to get back together, although we talked about it. I had come to realize that regardless of all the other factors, the sexual incompatibility mattered to me a lot. Also, too much had happened, and it felt too messy and painful and misguided to try to get back to what we once had. I don't think there was any way to make it work, because the issue of differing life goals remained. Also, as I gradually got used to identifying her as gay, I ceased thinking about her in sexual terms, and subsequently ceased to find her sexually appealing.
Now, fully two years since we initially opened up the relationship, I'm happier than I've ever been. I now have an amazing sex life. She and I are close friends, and I have no doubt that we'll continue to be close for a long time. She no longer identifies as lesbian, and is actually in a monogamous partnership with a cis-M fella. In a roundabout way, things worked out beautifully. I don't ultimately think that our relationship would have lasted much longer had we remained monogamous. The problems that ultimately drove us out of a domestic partnership had less to do with her sexual orientation or the various challenges of poly than it did with fundamental incompatibilities between us at the level of sexual needs and life goals.
---- / Advice for OP / ----
Think very carefully about life goals. Do you want the same things? It sounds like you do, which is a very positive sign. If you're both getting your sexual needs met, then it doesn't matter who you each turn to to meet those needs. But always set aside time to focus on and celebrate those aspects of your relationship that *do* really work... don't let anyone, yourselves included, compromise what you value about your relationship together.
Final note. The non-monogamous couple that she initially dated are also in a similar situation to yours. She is gay, but they still have occasional sex. Because they really want to be together, and have a cohesive vision of the life that they see for their shared future, they've made things work.
TL;DR - I was in a situation that paralleled OP's in some ways. It didn't work out for reasons of fundamental incompatibility that took a really long time to become clear. But there's hope for OP, because I've seen a situation like his work for some friends of mine. | I (m) experienced a somewhat similar situation over the last few years.
---- / begin backstory / ----
My partner (f) and I got together when we were both 19 and stayed monogamous until we were 26. There had been ups and downs, but after 7-ish years we were a really solid couple – strong communication, great domestic compatibility, regular-ish sex that felt intimate and connected, wonderful support for each other in all areas of life. She'd always identified as bi, but had never been with a woman romantically or sexually. Then we met a non-monogamous couple and she really hit it off... with both of them... so we opened our relationship. I started dating on OkC. Things with the other couple fizzled out after 5 or 6 months. My partner then started dating widely, and she met a girl that she really hit it off with.
A few months after that we agree that our hierarchical approach to polyamory is unfair. We stop using "primary" and "secondary". We still have sex, but it feels more like "maintenance" than something either of us really yearns for. We both realize that sex was never the cornerstone of our relationship, and the truth is that we're having much more deeply satisfying sex with other partners. Like OP, I realize that I'm mostly turned on by my partner's arousal... and for the first time in my life I'm having sex with partners who are super aroused. It occurs to me that sex with my partner had always been "maintenance" sex of a sort.
Not too long later, we stop having sex entirely. She starts identifying as lesbian. At this point, she and I live together, but she is sexually monogamous with her girlfriend, who lives elsewhere.
The few months after this we spend a lot of time talking about the nature of our relationship. What are we for one another? Still partners? Are we family? How do we maintain the things that we really love about our relationship? What do we tell people? How do we make sense of whatever this relationship has become?
Soon afterwards, we agree that we are "breaking up"... but it's still sort of unclear what this means. And then a month or so after that, she asks me to move out so that she and her girlfriend can live together. They both want to explore the possibilities afforded by a domestic life together.
---- /end backstory/ ----
So that didn't really work out. And there are a few key reasons that are super clear in retrospect.
We were sexually incompatible from the beginning. We didn't realize it, because we were so inexperienced when we got together. Once we'd both found partners that were sexually compatible with, we both started to want develop full romantic and domestic relationships with those partners. Some of that was possible in the poly context, but the other following factors that complicated things...
We had different life goals. I didn't mention this above, but one big sticking point was that she wants kids and I do not. The girlfriend she found also wanted kids. Since they shared that long term life plan, they started imagining a future together that realized that vision. It was always a little unclear where I would fit in that future. We talked over a lot of options (I could be a sperm donor, uncle figure, etc.). But it often came back to the problem: how would we continue having the partnership that we developed if she was focused on raising children that I didn't want to raise.
Her girlfriend, it turns out, was manipulative and actively working to isolate her from me, her friends, and her family. This really didn't become clear until they started living together, but it became very clear at that point. Given this factor, it's tempting to look back at the gradual changes in my relationship with my ex and wonder how much of our distance from one another was due to the machinations of the other woman.
Once my ex realized that her girlfriend was abusive, she ended it. We didn't try to get back together, although we talked about it. I had come to realize that regardless of all the other factors, the sexual incompatibility mattered to me a lot. Also, too much had happened, and it felt too messy and painful and misguided to try to get back to what we once had. I don't think there was any way to make it work, because the issue of differing life goals remained. Also, as I gradually got used to identifying her as gay, I ceased thinking about her in sexual terms, and subsequently ceased to find her sexually appealing.
Now, fully two years since we initially opened up the relationship, I'm happier than I've ever been. I now have an amazing sex life. She and I are close friends, and I have no doubt that we'll continue to be close for a long time. She no longer identifies as lesbian, and is actually in a monogamous partnership with a cis-M fella. In a roundabout way, things worked out beautifully. I don't ultimately think that our relationship would have lasted much longer had we remained monogamous. The problems that ultimately drove us out of a domestic partnership had less to do with her sexual orientation or the various challenges of poly than it did with fundamental incompatibilities between us at the level of sexual needs and life goals.
---- / Advice for OP / ----
Think very carefully about life goals. Do you want the same things? It sounds like you do, which is a very positive sign. If you're both getting your sexual needs met, then it doesn't matter who you each turn to to meet those needs. But always set aside time to focus on and celebrate those aspects of your relationship that do really work... don't let anyone, yourselves included, compromise what you value about your relationship together.
Final note. The non-monogamous couple that she initially dated are also in a similar situation to yours. She is gay, but they still have occasional sex. Because they really want to be together, and have a cohesive vision of the life that they see for their shared future, they've made things work.
TL;DR - I was in a situation that paralleled OP's in some ways. It didn't work out for reasons of fundamental incompatibility that took a really long time to become clear. But there's hope for OP, because I've seen a situation like his work for some friends of mine.
| polyamory | t5_2qu5n | ch6cw8t | I (m) experienced a somewhat similar situation over the last few years.
---- / begin backstory / ----
My partner (f) and I got together when we were both 19 and stayed monogamous until we were 26. There had been ups and downs, but after 7-ish years we were a really solid couple – strong communication, great domestic compatibility, regular-ish sex that felt intimate and connected, wonderful support for each other in all areas of life. She'd always identified as bi, but had never been with a woman romantically or sexually. Then we met a non-monogamous couple and she really hit it off... with both of them... so we opened our relationship. I started dating on OkC. Things with the other couple fizzled out after 5 or 6 months. My partner then started dating widely, and she met a girl that she really hit it off with.
A few months after that we agree that our hierarchical approach to polyamory is unfair. We stop using "primary" and "secondary". We still have sex, but it feels more like "maintenance" than something either of us really yearns for. We both realize that sex was never the cornerstone of our relationship, and the truth is that we're having much more deeply satisfying sex with other partners. Like OP, I realize that I'm mostly turned on by my partner's arousal... and for the first time in my life I'm having sex with partners who are super aroused. It occurs to me that sex with my partner had always been "maintenance" sex of a sort.
Not too long later, we stop having sex entirely. She starts identifying as lesbian. At this point, she and I live together, but she is sexually monogamous with her girlfriend, who lives elsewhere.
The few months after this we spend a lot of time talking about the nature of our relationship. What are we for one another? Still partners? Are we family? How do we maintain the things that we really love about our relationship? What do we tell people? How do we make sense of whatever this relationship has become?
Soon afterwards, we agree that we are "breaking up"... but it's still sort of unclear what this means. And then a month or so after that, she asks me to move out so that she and her girlfriend can live together. They both want to explore the possibilities afforded by a domestic life together.
---- /end backstory/ ----
So that didn't really work out. And there are a few key reasons that are super clear in retrospect.
We were sexually incompatible from the beginning. We didn't realize it, because we were so inexperienced when we got together. Once we'd both found partners that were sexually compatible with, we both started to want develop full romantic and domestic relationships with those partners. Some of that was possible in the poly context, but the other following factors that complicated things...
We had different life goals. I didn't mention this above, but one big sticking point was that she wants kids and I do not. The girlfriend she found also wanted kids. Since they shared that long term life plan, they started imagining a future together that realized that vision. It was always a little unclear where I would fit in that future. We talked over a lot of options (I could be a sperm donor, uncle figure, etc.). But it often came back to the problem: how would we continue having the partnership that we developed if she was focused on raising children that I didn't want to raise.
Her girlfriend, it turns out, was manipulative and actively working to isolate her from me, her friends, and her family. This really didn't become clear until they started living together, but it became very clear at that point. Given this factor, it's tempting to look back at the gradual changes in my relationship with my ex and wonder how much of our distance from one another was due to the machinations of the other woman.
Once my ex realized that her girlfriend was abusive, she ended it. We didn't try to get back together, although we talked about it. I had come to realize that regardless of all the other factors, the sexual incompatibility mattered to me a lot. Also, too much had happened, and it felt too messy and painful and misguided to try to get back to what we once had. I don't think there was any way to make it work, because the issue of differing life goals remained. Also, as I gradually got used to identifying her as gay, I ceased thinking about her in sexual terms, and subsequently ceased to find her sexually appealing.
Now, fully two years since we initially opened up the relationship, I'm happier than I've ever been. I now have an amazing sex life. She and I are close friends, and I have no doubt that we'll continue to be close for a long time. She no longer identifies as lesbian, and is actually in a monogamous partnership with a cis-M fella. In a roundabout way, things worked out beautifully. I don't ultimately think that our relationship would have lasted much longer had we remained monogamous. The problems that ultimately drove us out of a domestic partnership had less to do with her sexual orientation or the various challenges of poly than it did with fundamental incompatibilities between us at the level of sexual needs and life goals.
---- / Advice for OP / ----
Think very carefully about life goals. Do you want the same things? It sounds like you do, which is a very positive sign. If you're both getting your sexual needs met, then it doesn't matter who you each turn to to meet those needs. But always set aside time to focus on and celebrate those aspects of your relationship that do really work... don't let anyone, yourselves included, compromise what you value about your relationship together.
Final note. The non-monogamous couple that she initially dated are also in a similar situation to yours. She is gay, but they still have occasional sex. Because they really want to be together, and have a cohesive vision of the life that they see for their shared future, they've made things work. | I was in a situation that paralleled OP's in some ways. It didn't work out for reasons of fundamental incompatibility that took a really long time to become clear. But there's hope for OP, because I've seen a situation like his work for some friends of mine. |
OrthodoxAtheist | True indeed, anecdotes aren't peer-reviewed scientific evidence. I think we all recognize that. Nonetheless, if we see 10,000 posts out of 10,005 all saying 'holy crap my lung function improved remarkably just a few weeks/months after quitting smoking, and after several years of vaping I still feel like a racehorse with uber lung capacity", then that counts for more than shrugging of the shoulders and saying, 'more testing required'.
tl;dr; in the absence of peer-reviewed double-blind clinical studies, a 97%+ correlation in anecdotal evidence is the best we have at this point, and that's worthwhile stating, imo. | True indeed, anecdotes aren't peer-reviewed scientific evidence. I think we all recognize that. Nonetheless, if we see 10,000 posts out of 10,005 all saying 'holy crap my lung function improved remarkably just a few weeks/months after quitting smoking, and after several years of vaping I still feel like a racehorse with uber lung capacity", then that counts for more than shrugging of the shoulders and saying, 'more testing required'.
tl;dr; in the absence of peer-reviewed double-blind clinical studies, a 97%+ correlation in anecdotal evidence is the best we have at this point, and that's worthwhile stating, imo.
| electronic_cigarette | t5_2qmlu | ch5ugpm | True indeed, anecdotes aren't peer-reviewed scientific evidence. I think we all recognize that. Nonetheless, if we see 10,000 posts out of 10,005 all saying 'holy crap my lung function improved remarkably just a few weeks/months after quitting smoking, and after several years of vaping I still feel like a racehorse with uber lung capacity", then that counts for more than shrugging of the shoulders and saying, 'more testing required'. | in the absence of peer-reviewed double-blind clinical studies, a 97%+ correlation in anecdotal evidence is the best we have at this point, and that's worthwhile stating, imo. |
owlbait | I made it through the story stone faced but the tldr made me laugh out loud | I made it through the story stone faced but the tldr made me laugh out loud
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5t5yi | I made it through the story stone faced but the | made me laugh out loud |
watto11107 | I was a teenager and was looking for new ways to masturbate. I had found online an article that described how to make a make-shift vagina. The one idea I decided to use was where you take a latex glove, place it in the towel, roll it up, use lube, and stick the latex gloves vagina in a couch cushion. It was probably one of my saddest moments. The work I put in to trying that was just stupid.
tldr: made a make shift vagina using a latex glove and towel to masturbate. | I was a teenager and was looking for new ways to masturbate. I had found online an article that described how to make a make-shift vagina. The one idea I decided to use was where you take a latex glove, place it in the towel, roll it up, use lube, and stick the latex gloves vagina in a couch cushion. It was probably one of my saddest moments. The work I put in to trying that was just stupid.
tldr: made a make shift vagina using a latex glove and towel to masturbate.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6op2e | I was a teenager and was looking for new ways to masturbate. I had found online an article that described how to make a make-shift vagina. The one idea I decided to use was where you take a latex glove, place it in the towel, roll it up, use lube, and stick the latex gloves vagina in a couch cushion. It was probably one of my saddest moments. The work I put in to trying that was just stupid. | made a make shift vagina using a latex glove and towel to masturbate. |
WELL_HUNG_PEDOPHILE | I don't know, I guess that may have made things a little bit less shameful, but not much. It certainly wouldn't have changed the situation much at all. I still would have been getting head in the backseat of a family road trip with my ex girlfriend's family.
I think I may have tried to close my eyes, but I was too nervous about her parents possibly seeing us that I had to pretend that I was awake and bored just so every now and then I could reassure myself that her parents weren't onto us. Wow, that was a long-winded, run-on sentence.
eh, too lazy to shorten/condense.
tl;dr I felt I had to keep an eye on her parents and make sure they weren't onto us. | I don't know, I guess that may have made things a little bit less shameful, but not much. It certainly wouldn't have changed the situation much at all. I still would have been getting head in the backseat of a family road trip with my ex girlfriend's family.
I think I may have tried to close my eyes, but I was too nervous about her parents possibly seeing us that I had to pretend that I was awake and bored just so every now and then I could reassure myself that her parents weren't onto us. Wow, that was a long-winded, run-on sentence.
eh, too lazy to shorten/condense.
tl;dr I felt I had to keep an eye on her parents and make sure they weren't onto us.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6qwoa | I don't know, I guess that may have made things a little bit less shameful, but not much. It certainly wouldn't have changed the situation much at all. I still would have been getting head in the backseat of a family road trip with my ex girlfriend's family.
I think I may have tried to close my eyes, but I was too nervous about her parents possibly seeing us that I had to pretend that I was awake and bored just so every now and then I could reassure myself that her parents weren't onto us. Wow, that was a long-winded, run-on sentence.
eh, too lazy to shorten/condense. | I felt I had to keep an eye on her parents and make sure they weren't onto us. |
IzzyTheAmazing | So, I had sex with this guy - once. He seemed charming at the time, and I was horny, it seemed like a good idea. Thing was, when he was younger (like 8-10) he got into an accident and broke his arm on a growth plate - which means that the lower portion of his arm and his hand were the size of an 8-10 year old.
I figured, "Hey, what the hell, I'm not shallow." But then during the act, he made me suck on it. That was his thing and the only way he could get off. *Ugh.*
**tl;dr: Dude totally had me suck on his tiny kid hand hand during a one-night stand.**
EDIT: Worst part of the whole experience? I did it.
Edit 2: I like how most of you went straight to pedophilia. He broke his arm when he was a kid people, not had me suck it then. | So, I had sex with this guy - once. He seemed charming at the time, and I was horny, it seemed like a good idea. Thing was, when he was younger (like 8-10) he got into an accident and broke his arm on a growth plate - which means that the lower portion of his arm and his hand were the size of an 8-10 year old.
I figured, "Hey, what the hell, I'm not shallow." But then during the act, he made me suck on it. That was his thing and the only way he could get off. Ugh.
tl;dr: Dude totally had me suck on his tiny kid hand hand during a one-night stand.
EDIT: Worst part of the whole experience? I did it.
Edit 2: I like how most of you went straight to pedophilia. He broke his arm when he was a kid people, not had me suck it then.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5ncn6 | So, I had sex with this guy - once. He seemed charming at the time, and I was horny, it seemed like a good idea. Thing was, when he was younger (like 8-10) he got into an accident and broke his arm on a growth plate - which means that the lower portion of his arm and his hand were the size of an 8-10 year old.
I figured, "Hey, what the hell, I'm not shallow." But then during the act, he made me suck on it. That was his thing and the only way he could get off. Ugh. | Dude totally had me suck on his tiny kid hand hand during a one-night stand.
EDIT: Worst part of the whole experience? I did it.
Edit 2: I like how most of you went straight to pedophilia. He broke his arm when he was a kid people, not had me suck it then. |
KaseyCakes | My ex and I had broken up. We got together a few months later, we were just hanging out. Ended up back at her apartment, sitting on the couch watching TV and she took my keys out of my hand, I reached for them and she held them out further. My face ended up on hers and one thing led to another and she got in my lap and we were making out for awhile before I picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. We started getting undressed, shirts off, still with pants on. I started crying (she'd broken up with me because there was a guy she was interested in, 2 years down the drain....). I got up and went to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to vomit. Eventually she came into the bathroom and told me it was OK. Blah blah blah, she was nice about it, but then she said "Well, your emotions totally got in the way of you getting laid" after that I pulled her back into the bedroom and we fucked for like an hour (I'm HARDCORE!). I didn't finish, couldn't. It felt horrible, I felt used, but we did it and after that I was CONVINCED we'd get back together. Three months after that was the last time I saw her. A month after that she told me she loved me. Haven't seen her since. It hurt...
TL;DR: ex and I hooked up, felt manipulated, told me she loved me and I didn't get to see her again.... | My ex and I had broken up. We got together a few months later, we were just hanging out. Ended up back at her apartment, sitting on the couch watching TV and she took my keys out of my hand, I reached for them and she held them out further. My face ended up on hers and one thing led to another and she got in my lap and we were making out for awhile before I picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. We started getting undressed, shirts off, still with pants on. I started crying (she'd broken up with me because there was a guy she was interested in, 2 years down the drain....). I got up and went to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to vomit. Eventually she came into the bathroom and told me it was OK. Blah blah blah, she was nice about it, but then she said "Well, your emotions totally got in the way of you getting laid" after that I pulled her back into the bedroom and we fucked for like an hour (I'm HARDCORE!). I didn't finish, couldn't. It felt horrible, I felt used, but we did it and after that I was CONVINCED we'd get back together. Three months after that was the last time I saw her. A month after that she told me she loved me. Haven't seen her since. It hurt...
TL;DR: ex and I hooked up, felt manipulated, told me she loved me and I didn't get to see her again....
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5oxli | My ex and I had broken up. We got together a few months later, we were just hanging out. Ended up back at her apartment, sitting on the couch watching TV and she took my keys out of my hand, I reached for them and she held them out further. My face ended up on hers and one thing led to another and she got in my lap and we were making out for awhile before I picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. We started getting undressed, shirts off, still with pants on. I started crying (she'd broken up with me because there was a guy she was interested in, 2 years down the drain....). I got up and went to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to vomit. Eventually she came into the bathroom and told me it was OK. Blah blah blah, she was nice about it, but then she said "Well, your emotions totally got in the way of you getting laid" after that I pulled her back into the bedroom and we fucked for like an hour (I'm HARDCORE!). I didn't finish, couldn't. It felt horrible, I felt used, but we did it and after that I was CONVINCED we'd get back together. Three months after that was the last time I saw her. A month after that she told me she loved me. Haven't seen her since. It hurt... | ex and I hooked up, felt manipulated, told me she loved me and I didn't get to see her again.... |
OhnoMeaux | Last party I had at my parents' house in high school, summer before college. I was kind of drunk, had mediocre sex with this "college guy" I'd known for a while. Was mildly disgusted with myself, so I drove him home after, even though he wanted to stay.
About 2 am, party kind of rekindled and another guy I always had a huge crush on showed up. We'd been friends for a couple of years & he thought that the "college guy" was a tool. Did not share that I'd already slept with him that night, ended up having fuhhhhhhhhh-king AMAZING sex with my hot friend, and we ended up dating off and on for a while.
I did end up confessing "Act I", but it wasn't a big deal.
I think that the Baby Jesus just wanted me to get laid properly before starting college, and the only way to make it happen was to act as a Blessed Air Traffic Contoller of Sex. Amen!
tl;dr I slept with two people in the same night right before I left for college. Second one was so good that God must have been involved. I sure called his name enough... | Last party I had at my parents' house in high school, summer before college. I was kind of drunk, had mediocre sex with this "college guy" I'd known for a while. Was mildly disgusted with myself, so I drove him home after, even though he wanted to stay.
About 2 am, party kind of rekindled and another guy I always had a huge crush on showed up. We'd been friends for a couple of years & he thought that the "college guy" was a tool. Did not share that I'd already slept with him that night, ended up having fuhhhhhhhhh-king AMAZING sex with my hot friend, and we ended up dating off and on for a while.
I did end up confessing "Act I", but it wasn't a big deal.
I think that the Baby Jesus just wanted me to get laid properly before starting college, and the only way to make it happen was to act as a Blessed Air Traffic Contoller of Sex. Amen!
tl;dr I slept with two people in the same night right before I left for college. Second one was so good that God must have been involved. I sure called his name enough...
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5piuj | Last party I had at my parents' house in high school, summer before college. I was kind of drunk, had mediocre sex with this "college guy" I'd known for a while. Was mildly disgusted with myself, so I drove him home after, even though he wanted to stay.
About 2 am, party kind of rekindled and another guy I always had a huge crush on showed up. We'd been friends for a couple of years & he thought that the "college guy" was a tool. Did not share that I'd already slept with him that night, ended up having fuhhhhhhhhh-king AMAZING sex with my hot friend, and we ended up dating off and on for a while.
I did end up confessing "Act I", but it wasn't a big deal.
I think that the Baby Jesus just wanted me to get laid properly before starting college, and the only way to make it happen was to act as a Blessed Air Traffic Contoller of Sex. Amen! | I slept with two people in the same night right before I left for college. Second one was so good that God must have been involved. I sure called his name enough... |
youarejustanasshole | I have this thing where I don't ejaculate when I orgasm, so I'm kinda shy/reserved about it. After a good 20 odd years, I kinda needed to fuck, so... *shudder* went to Craigslist. Found a gal with.. few extra pounds. Allright, cool, whatever, not ugly by any means, so went with it.
Arrive at pizza pizza, talk a bit, go for a drive, oh yeah I'm on MDMA cuz Im nervous as fuck, she starts suckin me as I drive, a standard, not working out well. Eventually I'm like "fuck it" we don't have a place so I'm pulling behind this school bus.
Go to the back, we start bangin, she gets on top of me, all there is is tits smashing my upper body into the head rest and I cant move my arms, shes riding me and theres nothing I can do about it. She gets off me, wants me to go at it that way, I cant deal with it all, say I hear shit/people, drop her off, /regret. Also, pretty much sealed the deal I'm gay.
tl;dr: MDMA medioucre hippo sex and maybe raped even though I fucked them. FMSL | I have this thing where I don't ejaculate when I orgasm, so I'm kinda shy/reserved about it. After a good 20 odd years, I kinda needed to fuck, so... shudder went to Craigslist. Found a gal with.. few extra pounds. Allright, cool, whatever, not ugly by any means, so went with it.
Arrive at pizza pizza, talk a bit, go for a drive, oh yeah I'm on MDMA cuz Im nervous as fuck, she starts suckin me as I drive, a standard, not working out well. Eventually I'm like "fuck it" we don't have a place so I'm pulling behind this school bus.
Go to the back, we start bangin, she gets on top of me, all there is is tits smashing my upper body into the head rest and I cant move my arms, shes riding me and theres nothing I can do about it. She gets off me, wants me to go at it that way, I cant deal with it all, say I hear shit/people, drop her off, /regret. Also, pretty much sealed the deal I'm gay.
tl;dr: MDMA medioucre hippo sex and maybe raped even though I fucked them. FMSL
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5ppeq | I have this thing where I don't ejaculate when I orgasm, so I'm kinda shy/reserved about it. After a good 20 odd years, I kinda needed to fuck, so... shudder went to Craigslist. Found a gal with.. few extra pounds. Allright, cool, whatever, not ugly by any means, so went with it.
Arrive at pizza pizza, talk a bit, go for a drive, oh yeah I'm on MDMA cuz Im nervous as fuck, she starts suckin me as I drive, a standard, not working out well. Eventually I'm like "fuck it" we don't have a place so I'm pulling behind this school bus.
Go to the back, we start bangin, she gets on top of me, all there is is tits smashing my upper body into the head rest and I cant move my arms, shes riding me and theres nothing I can do about it. She gets off me, wants me to go at it that way, I cant deal with it all, say I hear shit/people, drop her off, /regret. Also, pretty much sealed the deal I'm gay. | MDMA medioucre hippo sex and maybe raped even though I fucked them. FMSL |
IDGAFMF | First time me and my boyfriend got it on, during the act I reached over to his dick to rub it, after a while he started laughing and looked at me and asked what I was doing. I was scared that he was going to say something about me not doing that or going too fast so I was super embarrassed and said I was trying to rub him, he laughed some more and said that those were his balls. Thing was, he was wearing some jeans that I couldn't tell the difference between his dick and balls.
Tl;dr: tried rubbing my bf's dick but ended up rubbing his balls. | First time me and my boyfriend got it on, during the act I reached over to his dick to rub it, after a while he started laughing and looked at me and asked what I was doing. I was scared that he was going to say something about me not doing that or going too fast so I was super embarrassed and said I was trying to rub him, he laughed some more and said that those were his balls. Thing was, he was wearing some jeans that I couldn't tell the difference between his dick and balls.
Tl;dr: tried rubbing my bf's dick but ended up rubbing his balls.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5qrso | First time me and my boyfriend got it on, during the act I reached over to his dick to rub it, after a while he started laughing and looked at me and asked what I was doing. I was scared that he was going to say something about me not doing that or going too fast so I was super embarrassed and said I was trying to rub him, he laughed some more and said that those were his balls. Thing was, he was wearing some jeans that I couldn't tell the difference between his dick and balls. | tried rubbing my bf's dick but ended up rubbing his balls. |
BarelyIllegal69 | To start off, I am a 22 year old white male and no throwaway here.
Spring break of this year, I was pretty high on the alcohol. A buddy of mine (who is into Asians) told he that he would give me $10 if I hooked up with her. I knew she was pretty into me but just reminded me of the Pillsbury Doughboy. It was a pretty easy $10. Also, she is fairly good with her hips.....
Anyway, next day comes around. Same friend tells me that for every random girl I hook up with at the bar that night, he would give me another $10. Somebody else added $20 to that deal, so $30 to get some? Game on.
We end up at the bar and once again, I am pretty drunk (almost a daily thing lately...) and have 2 leads. The first is a girl from a bachelorette party, who just happen to all be drop dead gorgeous. The other is a milf from a group of women, aged 36-58 as I would later find out. This is where drunk me is an asshole. I have a sure thing with the older woman (Two were arguing over which one gets to fuck me) but the other is SO gorgeous, Id allow her to eat crackers in by bed. My mind starts to speak up, "Don't fuck up. Go for the $30." I debated in my head a bit, and then found out that the older woman had a hot tub! Sooooo yeah..... I went home with a 40 year old woman. The sex was okay, and it was a little awkward talking about her 16 year old son.
Oh, she was also a cop, so the fact that I can now literally say "I fucked the Police" makes it worth it.
Congrats for me throwing away my standards/morals for $40....
**tl;dr: Had sex with a doughy Asian for $10, the next day banged a 40 year old single-mother police woman for $30.**
Now I am going to bed, It interested I'll be open for questions tomorrow. | To start off, I am a 22 year old white male and no throwaway here.
Spring break of this year, I was pretty high on the alcohol. A buddy of mine (who is into Asians) told he that he would give me $10 if I hooked up with her. I knew she was pretty into me but just reminded me of the Pillsbury Doughboy. It was a pretty easy $10. Also, she is fairly good with her hips.....
Anyway, next day comes around. Same friend tells me that for every random girl I hook up with at the bar that night, he would give me another $10. Somebody else added $20 to that deal, so $30 to get some? Game on.
We end up at the bar and once again, I am pretty drunk (almost a daily thing lately...) and have 2 leads. The first is a girl from a bachelorette party, who just happen to all be drop dead gorgeous. The other is a milf from a group of women, aged 36-58 as I would later find out. This is where drunk me is an asshole. I have a sure thing with the older woman (Two were arguing over which one gets to fuck me) but the other is SO gorgeous, Id allow her to eat crackers in by bed. My mind starts to speak up, "Don't fuck up. Go for the $30." I debated in my head a bit, and then found out that the older woman had a hot tub! Sooooo yeah..... I went home with a 40 year old woman. The sex was okay, and it was a little awkward talking about her 16 year old son.
Oh, she was also a cop, so the fact that I can now literally say "I fucked the Police" makes it worth it.
Congrats for me throwing away my standards/morals for $40....
tl;dr: Had sex with a doughy Asian for $10, the next day banged a 40 year old single-mother police woman for $30.
Now I am going to bed, It interested I'll be open for questions tomorrow.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5qtdw | To start off, I am a 22 year old white male and no throwaway here.
Spring break of this year, I was pretty high on the alcohol. A buddy of mine (who is into Asians) told he that he would give me $10 if I hooked up with her. I knew she was pretty into me but just reminded me of the Pillsbury Doughboy. It was a pretty easy $10. Also, she is fairly good with her hips.....
Anyway, next day comes around. Same friend tells me that for every random girl I hook up with at the bar that night, he would give me another $10. Somebody else added $20 to that deal, so $30 to get some? Game on.
We end up at the bar and once again, I am pretty drunk (almost a daily thing lately...) and have 2 leads. The first is a girl from a bachelorette party, who just happen to all be drop dead gorgeous. The other is a milf from a group of women, aged 36-58 as I would later find out. This is where drunk me is an asshole. I have a sure thing with the older woman (Two were arguing over which one gets to fuck me) but the other is SO gorgeous, Id allow her to eat crackers in by bed. My mind starts to speak up, "Don't fuck up. Go for the $30." I debated in my head a bit, and then found out that the older woman had a hot tub! Sooooo yeah..... I went home with a 40 year old woman. The sex was okay, and it was a little awkward talking about her 16 year old son.
Oh, she was also a cop, so the fact that I can now literally say "I fucked the Police" makes it worth it.
Congrats for me throwing away my standards/morals for $40.... | Had sex with a doughy Asian for $10, the next day banged a 40 year old single-mother police woman for $30.
Now I am going to bed, It interested I'll be open for questions tomorrow. |
sensrawsm | i was hanging out with my friend and she and I had a bit of history of hooking up even though neither of us really wanted it to go anywhere. anyway i was hanging out with her just before a break in college and we go back to her room and we end up hooking up again. i take most of her clothes off and she also takes most of mine until her roomate wakes up and catches us both in our underwear not 10 feet away from her.
TL;DR got caught almost having sex by a sleeping roomate | i was hanging out with my friend and she and I had a bit of history of hooking up even though neither of us really wanted it to go anywhere. anyway i was hanging out with her just before a break in college and we go back to her room and we end up hooking up again. i take most of her clothes off and she also takes most of mine until her roomate wakes up and catches us both in our underwear not 10 feet away from her.
TL;DR got caught almost having sex by a sleeping roomate
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5r9rl | i was hanging out with my friend and she and I had a bit of history of hooking up even though neither of us really wanted it to go anywhere. anyway i was hanging out with her just before a break in college and we go back to her room and we end up hooking up again. i take most of her clothes off and she also takes most of mine until her roomate wakes up and catches us both in our underwear not 10 feet away from her. | got caught almost having sex by a sleeping roomate |
BalinOnABudget | This past weekend:
So, I'm at party and throughout the night I got way too drunk. At around 2:30 am, most people had already left , and my drunk ass was looking to rake in a catch a the end of the night. I go up to a very below average girl(thinking fuck it I'm drunk) and start making out with her. I take her back to her dorm and we start fucking, then I proceeded to put my dick in her butt. It was gross.
TL;DR
I put my dick in a Two's number two | This past weekend:
So, I'm at party and throughout the night I got way too drunk. At around 2:30 am, most people had already left , and my drunk ass was looking to rake in a catch a the end of the night. I go up to a very below average girl(thinking fuck it I'm drunk) and start making out with her. I take her back to her dorm and we start fucking, then I proceeded to put my dick in her butt. It was gross.
TL;DR
I put my dick in a Two's number two
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5rxb9 | This past weekend:
So, I'm at party and throughout the night I got way too drunk. At around 2:30 am, most people had already left , and my drunk ass was looking to rake in a catch a the end of the night. I go up to a very below average girl(thinking fuck it I'm drunk) and start making out with her. I take her back to her dorm and we start fucking, then I proceeded to put my dick in her butt. It was gross. | I put my dick in a Two's number two |
anonymouscocksuck | Never told anyone about this. Not about to attach this story to my other life experiences, so....throwaway!
I was 18. Was at this small party in a shitty apartment in a shitty part of the city. Place reeked of cats and weed. My two friends that were also there took off and I soon became weary of my cat allergy trying to kill me, as well as the weed-smoke. I don't mind people smoking, I do myself occasionally, but HOLY FUCK I COULDN'T BREATHE IN THERE.
I took off. I sat at the patio of a nearby bar drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and because I was bored and mildly horny started browsing the personals on craigslist.
I figured the women are probably fake, so I was seeing what men out there might want to suck my dick, nsa. Replied to a few of them, kept checking my email, smoking cigarettes, etc...
Had a couple bites and went with the nearest one.
I drove out to some office complex and parked. As I walked up to the address I'd been given, this mildly overweight guy in his 30s opens up the door. We said hey.
He says, "Let's see what we're workin with here," and grabs my crotch, giving my man-region a good squeeze.
I endure this, experiencing some slight discomfort.
"Nice," he says. He steps aside to allow me to enter.
It's just an office. Nothing special. I had to piss and mentioned that I was kinda wired on coffee, he shows me the bathroom and tells me I may as well leave my pants off afterward.
Well, I do so. When I come out of the bathroom, he urges me to sit on this brown leather couch. I do.
Without hesitating, he drops to his knees and takes my soft member in his mouth. I have some initial difficulty getting aroused.
His goatee bristles against my sensitive buttocks.
My faithful penis is now fully erect. I stretched my arms out on the back of the couch and spread my legs wider to allow the fellow better access to my restricted area.
I close my eyes and enjoy myself.
He stops briefly to tell me NOT to tell him when I'm going to cum. Apparently he'd rather be surprised.
Well, okay. Don't choke.
I cum. He swallows. Keeps going.
Hm. Not what I expected. I kind of want to get out of here.
Oh well.
THEN HE PUTS HIS FINGER NEAR MY ANUS.
I TENSE.
HE BEGINS TO WORK IT IN.
HIS FINGER IS LARGE.
NOT QUITE HAMBURGER MUSIC, SAUSAGE GIRTHY, BUT LARGE NONETHELESS.
I had (had) an ex-girlfriend who enjoyed doing this to me as well. I pretend it's her thumb.
I am at full mast in this stranger's mouth again.
Anal and oral stimulation continue until I climax a second time.
I go to the bathroom, clean myself up and dress.
I try to thank him as I leave, despite feeling rather nonplussed about all this.
He interrupts me, saying "No man--thank YOU!"
I get in my car. Smoke a couple cigarettes. Found a 24 hour doughnut shop and sat in there for the rest of the night, nursing a coffee and confusion.
**TL;DR, got a blowjob and my asshole fingered from a 30 year old goatee contacted via craigslist**
Edit: Tried to make it clear the girlfriend was my ex. Still is, actually. | Never told anyone about this. Not about to attach this story to my other life experiences, so....throwaway!
I was 18. Was at this small party in a shitty apartment in a shitty part of the city. Place reeked of cats and weed. My two friends that were also there took off and I soon became weary of my cat allergy trying to kill me, as well as the weed-smoke. I don't mind people smoking, I do myself occasionally, but HOLY FUCK I COULDN'T BREATHE IN THERE.
I took off. I sat at the patio of a nearby bar drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and because I was bored and mildly horny started browsing the personals on craigslist.
I figured the women are probably fake, so I was seeing what men out there might want to suck my dick, nsa. Replied to a few of them, kept checking my email, smoking cigarettes, etc...
Had a couple bites and went with the nearest one.
I drove out to some office complex and parked. As I walked up to the address I'd been given, this mildly overweight guy in his 30s opens up the door. We said hey.
He says, "Let's see what we're workin with here," and grabs my crotch, giving my man-region a good squeeze.
I endure this, experiencing some slight discomfort.
"Nice," he says. He steps aside to allow me to enter.
It's just an office. Nothing special. I had to piss and mentioned that I was kinda wired on coffee, he shows me the bathroom and tells me I may as well leave my pants off afterward.
Well, I do so. When I come out of the bathroom, he urges me to sit on this brown leather couch. I do.
Without hesitating, he drops to his knees and takes my soft member in his mouth. I have some initial difficulty getting aroused.
His goatee bristles against my sensitive buttocks.
My faithful penis is now fully erect. I stretched my arms out on the back of the couch and spread my legs wider to allow the fellow better access to my restricted area.
I close my eyes and enjoy myself.
He stops briefly to tell me NOT to tell him when I'm going to cum. Apparently he'd rather be surprised.
Well, okay. Don't choke.
I cum. He swallows. Keeps going.
Hm. Not what I expected. I kind of want to get out of here.
Oh well.
THEN HE PUTS HIS FINGER NEAR MY ANUS.
I TENSE.
HE BEGINS TO WORK IT IN.
HIS FINGER IS LARGE.
NOT QUITE HAMBURGER MUSIC, SAUSAGE GIRTHY, BUT LARGE NONETHELESS.
I had (had) an ex-girlfriend who enjoyed doing this to me as well. I pretend it's her thumb.
I am at full mast in this stranger's mouth again.
Anal and oral stimulation continue until I climax a second time.
I go to the bathroom, clean myself up and dress.
I try to thank him as I leave, despite feeling rather nonplussed about all this.
He interrupts me, saying "No man--thank YOU!"
I get in my car. Smoke a couple cigarettes. Found a 24 hour doughnut shop and sat in there for the rest of the night, nursing a coffee and confusion.
TL;DR, got a blowjob and my asshole fingered from a 30 year old goatee contacted via craigslist
Edit: Tried to make it clear the girlfriend was my ex. Still is, actually.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5s1mt | Never told anyone about this. Not about to attach this story to my other life experiences, so....throwaway!
I was 18. Was at this small party in a shitty apartment in a shitty part of the city. Place reeked of cats and weed. My two friends that were also there took off and I soon became weary of my cat allergy trying to kill me, as well as the weed-smoke. I don't mind people smoking, I do myself occasionally, but HOLY FUCK I COULDN'T BREATHE IN THERE.
I took off. I sat at the patio of a nearby bar drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and because I was bored and mildly horny started browsing the personals on craigslist.
I figured the women are probably fake, so I was seeing what men out there might want to suck my dick, nsa. Replied to a few of them, kept checking my email, smoking cigarettes, etc...
Had a couple bites and went with the nearest one.
I drove out to some office complex and parked. As I walked up to the address I'd been given, this mildly overweight guy in his 30s opens up the door. We said hey.
He says, "Let's see what we're workin with here," and grabs my crotch, giving my man-region a good squeeze.
I endure this, experiencing some slight discomfort.
"Nice," he says. He steps aside to allow me to enter.
It's just an office. Nothing special. I had to piss and mentioned that I was kinda wired on coffee, he shows me the bathroom and tells me I may as well leave my pants off afterward.
Well, I do so. When I come out of the bathroom, he urges me to sit on this brown leather couch. I do.
Without hesitating, he drops to his knees and takes my soft member in his mouth. I have some initial difficulty getting aroused.
His goatee bristles against my sensitive buttocks.
My faithful penis is now fully erect. I stretched my arms out on the back of the couch and spread my legs wider to allow the fellow better access to my restricted area.
I close my eyes and enjoy myself.
He stops briefly to tell me NOT to tell him when I'm going to cum. Apparently he'd rather be surprised.
Well, okay. Don't choke.
I cum. He swallows. Keeps going.
Hm. Not what I expected. I kind of want to get out of here.
Oh well.
THEN HE PUTS HIS FINGER NEAR MY ANUS.
I TENSE.
HE BEGINS TO WORK IT IN.
HIS FINGER IS LARGE.
NOT QUITE HAMBURGER MUSIC, SAUSAGE GIRTHY, BUT LARGE NONETHELESS.
I had (had) an ex-girlfriend who enjoyed doing this to me as well. I pretend it's her thumb.
I am at full mast in this stranger's mouth again.
Anal and oral stimulation continue until I climax a second time.
I go to the bathroom, clean myself up and dress.
I try to thank him as I leave, despite feeling rather nonplussed about all this.
He interrupts me, saying "No man--thank YOU!"
I get in my car. Smoke a couple cigarettes. Found a 24 hour doughnut shop and sat in there for the rest of the night, nursing a coffee and confusion. | got a blowjob and my asshole fingered from a 30 year old goatee contacted via craigslist
Edit: Tried to make it clear the girlfriend was my ex. Still is, actually. |
TheBlackBradPitt | Mine is actually two, and the shameful part is that it was in the same day. Even more shameful, both were girls that expected a relationship to come of it, and that each was "ensuring" it by allowing me to have sex with them. I, being the shallow, opportunistic chauvinist that many college males are during that stage of their lives, took advantage.
The first was with a girl with whom I'd had sex before in a car in the parking lot of my friend's apartment building while we were both drunk, although it must have left a lasting impression because what I thought was just going to be a sweaty, one-time romp in the backseat of a Jeep Commander turned into a "hey there :)" text message the next morning. She continued to fawn over me and the fun we had the night before, and how she thought that "we seem really compatible," and that we should "spend more time getting to know each other :)))" We talked (I led her on) for a few weeks and while she was nice and fun to be around, she just wasn't what I was looking for. She was a foot shorter than I was, a questionable kisser because of her small mouth, and while the sex was adequately enjoyable, her vagina was just too small. I'm by no means any more than average size; she just had a petite vagina. But some part of my piggish brain wanted more because I knew it would be easy. A few weeks later, she came to my place in the morning and I took her to this 50s diner and bought her breakfast. We drove around on some back roads that I smoked joints and cruised on, and then went back to my house, and had sex. This time though, it seemed as though her vagina had shrunk even smaller, and I just couldn't penetrate.
I ended up jerking off onto her, before lying about picking my brother up and asking her to leave. I never texted her again. She still shows up at parties at the same apartment, and still looks sullen and broken when I'm around. It's one of my deepest regrets.
Later that evening, I met up with another girl, with whom I'd also had sex previously, and whose ex-boyfriend, high on heroin, threatened to beat me up at an Umphrey's McGee concert. This time, I didn't plan on having sex. We ended up making out, and before I knew it, she was telling me to close the bedroom door. We had sex, she squirted on and ruined her TV, and I lied about picking my brother up and and left.
For the next months after that she cried and begged me to be with her. I made the mistake of bringing her around my friends, so that they became friends, and she would sit at my friend's apartment (the same one from before) and wait for me to come over. She would get high on xanax and klonopin and pester my friend to have me over so that we could talk and finally be together. This lasted for months. I ruined my friendship (temporarily, thankfully) with my friend who owned the apartment, as well as relationships that I would try to start. Luckily, she moved to Pittsburgh to be with her boyfriend who was in rehab.
I only go into so much detail to try and convince men (and women I suppose) that are at this stage in their lives that selfishness doesn't just bring you the good things and gratification. It also brings terrible things and awful consequences, and it does terrible things to good people. You lose yourself and your empathy when you become a slave to your desires.
TL;DR: I led a girl on and used her for sex in the morning and I led another girl on and had sex in the evening. They both suffered.
Don't use people for sex. | Mine is actually two, and the shameful part is that it was in the same day. Even more shameful, both were girls that expected a relationship to come of it, and that each was "ensuring" it by allowing me to have sex with them. I, being the shallow, opportunistic chauvinist that many college males are during that stage of their lives, took advantage.
The first was with a girl with whom I'd had sex before in a car in the parking lot of my friend's apartment building while we were both drunk, although it must have left a lasting impression because what I thought was just going to be a sweaty, one-time romp in the backseat of a Jeep Commander turned into a "hey there :)" text message the next morning. She continued to fawn over me and the fun we had the night before, and how she thought that "we seem really compatible," and that we should "spend more time getting to know each other :)))" We talked (I led her on) for a few weeks and while she was nice and fun to be around, she just wasn't what I was looking for. She was a foot shorter than I was, a questionable kisser because of her small mouth, and while the sex was adequately enjoyable, her vagina was just too small. I'm by no means any more than average size; she just had a petite vagina. But some part of my piggish brain wanted more because I knew it would be easy. A few weeks later, she came to my place in the morning and I took her to this 50s diner and bought her breakfast. We drove around on some back roads that I smoked joints and cruised on, and then went back to my house, and had sex. This time though, it seemed as though her vagina had shrunk even smaller, and I just couldn't penetrate.
I ended up jerking off onto her, before lying about picking my brother up and asking her to leave. I never texted her again. She still shows up at parties at the same apartment, and still looks sullen and broken when I'm around. It's one of my deepest regrets.
Later that evening, I met up with another girl, with whom I'd also had sex previously, and whose ex-boyfriend, high on heroin, threatened to beat me up at an Umphrey's McGee concert. This time, I didn't plan on having sex. We ended up making out, and before I knew it, she was telling me to close the bedroom door. We had sex, she squirted on and ruined her TV, and I lied about picking my brother up and and left.
For the next months after that she cried and begged me to be with her. I made the mistake of bringing her around my friends, so that they became friends, and she would sit at my friend's apartment (the same one from before) and wait for me to come over. She would get high on xanax and klonopin and pester my friend to have me over so that we could talk and finally be together. This lasted for months. I ruined my friendship (temporarily, thankfully) with my friend who owned the apartment, as well as relationships that I would try to start. Luckily, she moved to Pittsburgh to be with her boyfriend who was in rehab.
I only go into so much detail to try and convince men (and women I suppose) that are at this stage in their lives that selfishness doesn't just bring you the good things and gratification. It also brings terrible things and awful consequences, and it does terrible things to good people. You lose yourself and your empathy when you become a slave to your desires.
TL;DR: I led a girl on and used her for sex in the morning and I led another girl on and had sex in the evening. They both suffered.
Don't use people for sex.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5s64h | Mine is actually two, and the shameful part is that it was in the same day. Even more shameful, both were girls that expected a relationship to come of it, and that each was "ensuring" it by allowing me to have sex with them. I, being the shallow, opportunistic chauvinist that many college males are during that stage of their lives, took advantage.
The first was with a girl with whom I'd had sex before in a car in the parking lot of my friend's apartment building while we were both drunk, although it must have left a lasting impression because what I thought was just going to be a sweaty, one-time romp in the backseat of a Jeep Commander turned into a "hey there :)" text message the next morning. She continued to fawn over me and the fun we had the night before, and how she thought that "we seem really compatible," and that we should "spend more time getting to know each other :)))" We talked (I led her on) for a few weeks and while she was nice and fun to be around, she just wasn't what I was looking for. She was a foot shorter than I was, a questionable kisser because of her small mouth, and while the sex was adequately enjoyable, her vagina was just too small. I'm by no means any more than average size; she just had a petite vagina. But some part of my piggish brain wanted more because I knew it would be easy. A few weeks later, she came to my place in the morning and I took her to this 50s diner and bought her breakfast. We drove around on some back roads that I smoked joints and cruised on, and then went back to my house, and had sex. This time though, it seemed as though her vagina had shrunk even smaller, and I just couldn't penetrate.
I ended up jerking off onto her, before lying about picking my brother up and asking her to leave. I never texted her again. She still shows up at parties at the same apartment, and still looks sullen and broken when I'm around. It's one of my deepest regrets.
Later that evening, I met up with another girl, with whom I'd also had sex previously, and whose ex-boyfriend, high on heroin, threatened to beat me up at an Umphrey's McGee concert. This time, I didn't plan on having sex. We ended up making out, and before I knew it, she was telling me to close the bedroom door. We had sex, she squirted on and ruined her TV, and I lied about picking my brother up and and left.
For the next months after that she cried and begged me to be with her. I made the mistake of bringing her around my friends, so that they became friends, and she would sit at my friend's apartment (the same one from before) and wait for me to come over. She would get high on xanax and klonopin and pester my friend to have me over so that we could talk and finally be together. This lasted for months. I ruined my friendship (temporarily, thankfully) with my friend who owned the apartment, as well as relationships that I would try to start. Luckily, she moved to Pittsburgh to be with her boyfriend who was in rehab.
I only go into so much detail to try and convince men (and women I suppose) that are at this stage in their lives that selfishness doesn't just bring you the good things and gratification. It also brings terrible things and awful consequences, and it does terrible things to good people. You lose yourself and your empathy when you become a slave to your desires. | I led a girl on and used her for sex in the morning and I led another girl on and had sex in the evening. They both suffered.
Don't use people for sex. |
addedpulp | Ashamed of because of association to it: I dated a girl, we were in the kitchen, I said to her, "what can I put inside you?" We went with a carrot. It went in her ass. She was fine with it, she seemed to like it, but she was the type of person at that age who would tells stories of the person she was dating as if they did something wrong when it was fine when it happened. She told all of her friends about how I put a carrot in her ass. I lived with her best friend and that person's boyfriend about a year later. For some time, they hated me, and thought I was disgusting. It was a few months before we discussed it and it was realized that she was making me to seem criminal for something she participated in.
Actually ashamed on, there is a porn store in my town. I was drunk, 18 or so, a friend drove me there. The elderly man at the register was raving about how he "told me it happened here, it happened." I looked to the back rooms where you put in coins to watch porn, and there were glory holes in the walls of the little rooms. A nude woman was sitting there. I approached her, and she told me to go into a certain room. She told me to put my dick in the hole. I did. After a few minutes, a male voice said "aren't you going to come over here and fuck her?" I think it was her husband. I got weirded out, and left.
TL;DR: If due to the association it got, carrot in ass. If due to personal shame, glory hole. | Ashamed of because of association to it: I dated a girl, we were in the kitchen, I said to her, "what can I put inside you?" We went with a carrot. It went in her ass. She was fine with it, she seemed to like it, but she was the type of person at that age who would tells stories of the person she was dating as if they did something wrong when it was fine when it happened. She told all of her friends about how I put a carrot in her ass. I lived with her best friend and that person's boyfriend about a year later. For some time, they hated me, and thought I was disgusting. It was a few months before we discussed it and it was realized that she was making me to seem criminal for something she participated in.
Actually ashamed on, there is a porn store in my town. I was drunk, 18 or so, a friend drove me there. The elderly man at the register was raving about how he "told me it happened here, it happened." I looked to the back rooms where you put in coins to watch porn, and there were glory holes in the walls of the little rooms. A nude woman was sitting there. I approached her, and she told me to go into a certain room. She told me to put my dick in the hole. I did. After a few minutes, a male voice said "aren't you going to come over here and fuck her?" I think it was her husband. I got weirded out, and left.
TL;DR: If due to the association it got, carrot in ass. If due to personal shame, glory hole.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5s6ig | Ashamed of because of association to it: I dated a girl, we were in the kitchen, I said to her, "what can I put inside you?" We went with a carrot. It went in her ass. She was fine with it, she seemed to like it, but she was the type of person at that age who would tells stories of the person she was dating as if they did something wrong when it was fine when it happened. She told all of her friends about how I put a carrot in her ass. I lived with her best friend and that person's boyfriend about a year later. For some time, they hated me, and thought I was disgusting. It was a few months before we discussed it and it was realized that she was making me to seem criminal for something she participated in.
Actually ashamed on, there is a porn store in my town. I was drunk, 18 or so, a friend drove me there. The elderly man at the register was raving about how he "told me it happened here, it happened." I looked to the back rooms where you put in coins to watch porn, and there were glory holes in the walls of the little rooms. A nude woman was sitting there. I approached her, and she told me to go into a certain room. She told me to put my dick in the hole. I did. After a few minutes, a male voice said "aren't you going to come over here and fuck her?" I think it was her husband. I got weirded out, and left. | If due to the association it got, carrot in ass. If due to personal shame, glory hole. |
TheFergieJesus | Went to Thailand, people hung out. I pushed it to the limit.
Tl:dr I'm 10% gay | Went to Thailand, people hung out. I pushed it to the limit.
Tl:dr I'm 10% gay
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5sf6t | Went to Thailand, people hung out. I pushed it to the limit. | I'm 10% gay |
Nerio8 | I was playing Warcraft 2 and girl in dorm asked me if we could do it. Told once my game was done. She got annoyed and wouldn't talk to me again. I still wake up at night hating myself for that one.
Tl;dr lost the girl and lost the game | I was playing Warcraft 2 and girl in dorm asked me if we could do it. Told once my game was done. She got annoyed and wouldn't talk to me again. I still wake up at night hating myself for that one.
Tl;dr lost the girl and lost the game
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5shmw | I was playing Warcraft 2 and girl in dorm asked me if we could do it. Told once my game was done. She got annoyed and wouldn't talk to me again. I still wake up at night hating myself for that one. | lost the girl and lost the game |
iNeedSaddleForMyDrgn | had sex with a foreign exchange student who didn't even speak english. by knocking on her door at 3am in the dorms and inviting her to play mario kart (she was asian... all asians love mario kart right?)
I was drunk as shit. immediately went to making out. she was sober. my friend gave her a drink of pepsi, milk, a slight amount of blood, and whisky. she drank a lot of it and liked it.
went back to her dorm to fuck. didn't use a condom. was too traumatized by all the hello kitty swag in her room and her room mates hearing her bed hitting the wall.
left her dorm that night and never spoke to her again.
Oh yeah, i also gave her a fake name (the name of one of my other good friends).
God damn i'm a classy bitch.
**tl;dr performed ancient Chinese blood ritual to grant access to Asian girl's whispering eye**
edit: i also got queefed in the face the first time i ever went down on a girl, but that's her problem not mine. | had sex with a foreign exchange student who didn't even speak english. by knocking on her door at 3am in the dorms and inviting her to play mario kart (she was asian... all asians love mario kart right?)
I was drunk as shit. immediately went to making out. she was sober. my friend gave her a drink of pepsi, milk, a slight amount of blood, and whisky. she drank a lot of it and liked it.
went back to her dorm to fuck. didn't use a condom. was too traumatized by all the hello kitty swag in her room and her room mates hearing her bed hitting the wall.
left her dorm that night and never spoke to her again.
Oh yeah, i also gave her a fake name (the name of one of my other good friends).
God damn i'm a classy bitch.
tl;dr performed ancient Chinese blood ritual to grant access to Asian girl's whispering eye
edit: i also got queefed in the face the first time i ever went down on a girl, but that's her problem not mine.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5t1za | had sex with a foreign exchange student who didn't even speak english. by knocking on her door at 3am in the dorms and inviting her to play mario kart (she was asian... all asians love mario kart right?)
I was drunk as shit. immediately went to making out. she was sober. my friend gave her a drink of pepsi, milk, a slight amount of blood, and whisky. she drank a lot of it and liked it.
went back to her dorm to fuck. didn't use a condom. was too traumatized by all the hello kitty swag in her room and her room mates hearing her bed hitting the wall.
left her dorm that night and never spoke to her again.
Oh yeah, i also gave her a fake name (the name of one of my other good friends).
God damn i'm a classy bitch. | performed ancient Chinese blood ritual to grant access to Asian girl's whispering eye
edit: i also got queefed in the face the first time i ever went down on a girl, but that's her problem not mine. |
Quarter09 | My parents used to have a back massager, with two pulsating rubber heads on it.
Well one day while using it to massage my leg which I did once or twice a week to loosen up my right leg after a bad accident which messed it up. The massager took away a lot of the muscle aches and pain. So I'm laying in my parents bed while they were at work, watching tv and massaging my leg. I can't remember what was on tv but the vibrations felt so nice on my leg, and what ever it was gave me quite the chub. So I let one if the rubber tips pound on my shaft just bellow the head. It wasn't terribly hard but my good it was the best experience ever. It wasn't just a vibration there was actual motion too it. Well apparently in all the excitement I didn't hear the door open. My older brother walked in. He saw me pants around my ankles, laying in my parents bed, their massager on my hard cock, with what I can only presume was anime (I watched a lot of toonami around that time). I don't know how long he stood there but eventually he said, "well that's fucked up..." Shook his head and walked out. He never mention it to my parents. We never talked about it. I threw away the massager heads and replaced them that day.
TL:DR - Got caught by my older brother using my parents back massager to masturbate while in their bed. | My parents used to have a back massager, with two pulsating rubber heads on it.
Well one day while using it to massage my leg which I did once or twice a week to loosen up my right leg after a bad accident which messed it up. The massager took away a lot of the muscle aches and pain. So I'm laying in my parents bed while they were at work, watching tv and massaging my leg. I can't remember what was on tv but the vibrations felt so nice on my leg, and what ever it was gave me quite the chub. So I let one if the rubber tips pound on my shaft just bellow the head. It wasn't terribly hard but my good it was the best experience ever. It wasn't just a vibration there was actual motion too it. Well apparently in all the excitement I didn't hear the door open. My older brother walked in. He saw me pants around my ankles, laying in my parents bed, their massager on my hard cock, with what I can only presume was anime (I watched a lot of toonami around that time). I don't know how long he stood there but eventually he said, "well that's fucked up..." Shook his head and walked out. He never mention it to my parents. We never talked about it. I threw away the massager heads and replaced them that day.
TL:DR - Got caught by my older brother using my parents back massager to masturbate while in their bed.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5tbek | My parents used to have a back massager, with two pulsating rubber heads on it.
Well one day while using it to massage my leg which I did once or twice a week to loosen up my right leg after a bad accident which messed it up. The massager took away a lot of the muscle aches and pain. So I'm laying in my parents bed while they were at work, watching tv and massaging my leg. I can't remember what was on tv but the vibrations felt so nice on my leg, and what ever it was gave me quite the chub. So I let one if the rubber tips pound on my shaft just bellow the head. It wasn't terribly hard but my good it was the best experience ever. It wasn't just a vibration there was actual motion too it. Well apparently in all the excitement I didn't hear the door open. My older brother walked in. He saw me pants around my ankles, laying in my parents bed, their massager on my hard cock, with what I can only presume was anime (I watched a lot of toonami around that time). I don't know how long he stood there but eventually he said, "well that's fucked up..." Shook his head and walked out. He never mention it to my parents. We never talked about it. I threw away the massager heads and replaced them that day. | Got caught by my older brother using my parents back massager to masturbate while in their bed. |
geogeology | I had an ex who had just come back from the city. She had been a real bitch and I knew she just wanted me for a booty call. We're at a bonfire in a house near a dog park and I had been successful in shooting her down all night. That is until she said those magical words: "Hey, wanna go fuck in the dog park." Now I don't know if it was the liquor or lack of self respect but I fucked her for a *very* adequate amount of time in that dog park in the wee morning hours. Then I woke up with a bloody dick and face because she was on her period and I was too hammered to notice/care. That was the day my dignity died.
Tl;dr: had sex in dog park, bloody dick. | I had an ex who had just come back from the city. She had been a real bitch and I knew she just wanted me for a booty call. We're at a bonfire in a house near a dog park and I had been successful in shooting her down all night. That is until she said those magical words: "Hey, wanna go fuck in the dog park." Now I don't know if it was the liquor or lack of self respect but I fucked her for a very adequate amount of time in that dog park in the wee morning hours. Then I woke up with a bloody dick and face because she was on her period and I was too hammered to notice/care. That was the day my dignity died.
Tl;dr: had sex in dog park, bloody dick.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5tcpf | I had an ex who had just come back from the city. She had been a real bitch and I knew she just wanted me for a booty call. We're at a bonfire in a house near a dog park and I had been successful in shooting her down all night. That is until she said those magical words: "Hey, wanna go fuck in the dog park." Now I don't know if it was the liquor or lack of self respect but I fucked her for a very adequate amount of time in that dog park in the wee morning hours. Then I woke up with a bloody dick and face because she was on her period and I was too hammered to notice/care. That was the day my dignity died. | had sex in dog park, bloody dick. |
OmahaCornStar | When I was in my early teens, I became familiar with the idea that fruit could be fucked. My parents had recently purchased a cantaloupe and while home alone one day I saw it giving me *that look*. So naturally, my pre-adulthood beef barge reported for duty and I microwaved this poor cantaloupe for a minute and then cut a hole in it. It actually felt pretty good, a lot like a vagina would feel *if I had felt one*. The guilt, however, hit me like a train fire as soon as the first blissful convulsions scorched through my body and I realized I had just microwaved and consummated my love with a previously edible plant. The worst part was that I decided to toss the cumtaloupe over the back fence. Apparently it rolled down the neighbor's hill and right up to their back door so low and behold, 20 minutes later here come sweet old Mr. and Mrs. Smith (names changed to protect their identities) confused and carrying the fruit full of my seed asking if it belonged to me. While internally sobbing and having a heart attack at the same time, I took the rough brownish green ball of (multiple) seeds and tossed it over my fence into a different neighbor's bush and it remains there to this day to the best of my knowledge, unless some poor unfortunate alley cat took a bite or two. I'm ashamed.
**TL;DR - Cumtaloupe**
edit: spelling not good.
edit: whoa, this blew up... and to answer questions, no human-cantaloupe hybrid beast ever developed. | When I was in my early teens, I became familiar with the idea that fruit could be fucked. My parents had recently purchased a cantaloupe and while home alone one day I saw it giving me that look . So naturally, my pre-adulthood beef barge reported for duty and I microwaved this poor cantaloupe for a minute and then cut a hole in it. It actually felt pretty good, a lot like a vagina would feel if I had felt one . The guilt, however, hit me like a train fire as soon as the first blissful convulsions scorched through my body and I realized I had just microwaved and consummated my love with a previously edible plant. The worst part was that I decided to toss the cumtaloupe over the back fence. Apparently it rolled down the neighbor's hill and right up to their back door so low and behold, 20 minutes later here come sweet old Mr. and Mrs. Smith (names changed to protect their identities) confused and carrying the fruit full of my seed asking if it belonged to me. While internally sobbing and having a heart attack at the same time, I took the rough brownish green ball of (multiple) seeds and tossed it over my fence into a different neighbor's bush and it remains there to this day to the best of my knowledge, unless some poor unfortunate alley cat took a bite or two. I'm ashamed.
TL;DR - Cumtaloupe
edit: spelling not good.
edit: whoa, this blew up... and to answer questions, no human-cantaloupe hybrid beast ever developed.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5tcva | When I was in my early teens, I became familiar with the idea that fruit could be fucked. My parents had recently purchased a cantaloupe and while home alone one day I saw it giving me that look . So naturally, my pre-adulthood beef barge reported for duty and I microwaved this poor cantaloupe for a minute and then cut a hole in it. It actually felt pretty good, a lot like a vagina would feel if I had felt one . The guilt, however, hit me like a train fire as soon as the first blissful convulsions scorched through my body and I realized I had just microwaved and consummated my love with a previously edible plant. The worst part was that I decided to toss the cumtaloupe over the back fence. Apparently it rolled down the neighbor's hill and right up to their back door so low and behold, 20 minutes later here come sweet old Mr. and Mrs. Smith (names changed to protect their identities) confused and carrying the fruit full of my seed asking if it belonged to me. While internally sobbing and having a heart attack at the same time, I took the rough brownish green ball of (multiple) seeds and tossed it over my fence into a different neighbor's bush and it remains there to this day to the best of my knowledge, unless some poor unfortunate alley cat took a bite or two. I'm ashamed. | Cumtaloupe
edit: spelling not good.
edit: whoa, this blew up... and to answer questions, no human-cantaloupe hybrid beast ever developed. |
matt37235 | While in high school, my best friend, friend2 and I take his Dad's brand new BMW up to my older friends' college. Everyone proceeds to get super drunk (except for me because I realize someones gonna have to drive home) and we hit on girls etc.. Friend2 ends up wanting to take a girl home, so we say what the hell ya'll ride in the back.
Friend2 and this girl hook up in the back, he ends up fingering her and getting a bj while my buddy and I in the front cringe and play hilariously cliche love music.
Get back to my friends house, we're all hanging out by the pool and friend2 walks up. It's dark but we notice something is up with his shirt. Turn on the lights and notice that his whole shirt, shorts, and right hand are covered in blood. Go up to the car and I kid you not the whole back seat of this brand new BMW is red with blood. It cleaned up really easily though so there was no problem.
**tl;dr Friend fingers a girl in the back of Dad's brand new BMW whilst I drive home. She is on her period/virgin and bleeds all over him and the car** | While in high school, my best friend, friend2 and I take his Dad's brand new BMW up to my older friends' college. Everyone proceeds to get super drunk (except for me because I realize someones gonna have to drive home) and we hit on girls etc.. Friend2 ends up wanting to take a girl home, so we say what the hell ya'll ride in the back.
Friend2 and this girl hook up in the back, he ends up fingering her and getting a bj while my buddy and I in the front cringe and play hilariously cliche love music.
Get back to my friends house, we're all hanging out by the pool and friend2 walks up. It's dark but we notice something is up with his shirt. Turn on the lights and notice that his whole shirt, shorts, and right hand are covered in blood. Go up to the car and I kid you not the whole back seat of this brand new BMW is red with blood. It cleaned up really easily though so there was no problem.
tl;dr Friend fingers a girl in the back of Dad's brand new BMW whilst I drive home. She is on her period/virgin and bleeds all over him and the car
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5twlf | While in high school, my best friend, friend2 and I take his Dad's brand new BMW up to my older friends' college. Everyone proceeds to get super drunk (except for me because I realize someones gonna have to drive home) and we hit on girls etc.. Friend2 ends up wanting to take a girl home, so we say what the hell ya'll ride in the back.
Friend2 and this girl hook up in the back, he ends up fingering her and getting a bj while my buddy and I in the front cringe and play hilariously cliche love music.
Get back to my friends house, we're all hanging out by the pool and friend2 walks up. It's dark but we notice something is up with his shirt. Turn on the lights and notice that his whole shirt, shorts, and right hand are covered in blood. Go up to the car and I kid you not the whole back seat of this brand new BMW is red with blood. It cleaned up really easily though so there was no problem. | Friend fingers a girl in the back of Dad's brand new BMW whilst I drive home. She is on her period/virgin and bleeds all over him and the car |
kyebrows | First time ever having sex.
I was at a party flirting with a girl. Agrees to come home with me, though I had just moved out of my college dorm and she didn't have a bed in her new apartment. I was too drunk to drive, so girl drove us to grocery store to get condoms. We drive out onto an abandoned road north of town, get in the back seat and get naked. What followed was incredibly awkward, cramped, unenthusiastic sex that I was having trouble keeping it up for anyway. First condom breaks. After putting on a second one, she gets on top but is now bouncing on what I suddenly realize is my very full bladder. I make her get off and jump out of the car ass naked and take a piss by my rear tire without closing the door. After another attempt we decide to call it off and just go home. I'm now entirely sober.
TL;DR My first time was so bad it took me from drunk to sober. | First time ever having sex.
I was at a party flirting with a girl. Agrees to come home with me, though I had just moved out of my college dorm and she didn't have a bed in her new apartment. I was too drunk to drive, so girl drove us to grocery store to get condoms. We drive out onto an abandoned road north of town, get in the back seat and get naked. What followed was incredibly awkward, cramped, unenthusiastic sex that I was having trouble keeping it up for anyway. First condom breaks. After putting on a second one, she gets on top but is now bouncing on what I suddenly realize is my very full bladder. I make her get off and jump out of the car ass naked and take a piss by my rear tire without closing the door. After another attempt we decide to call it off and just go home. I'm now entirely sober.
TL;DR My first time was so bad it took me from drunk to sober.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5tx75 | First time ever having sex.
I was at a party flirting with a girl. Agrees to come home with me, though I had just moved out of my college dorm and she didn't have a bed in her new apartment. I was too drunk to drive, so girl drove us to grocery store to get condoms. We drive out onto an abandoned road north of town, get in the back seat and get naked. What followed was incredibly awkward, cramped, unenthusiastic sex that I was having trouble keeping it up for anyway. First condom breaks. After putting on a second one, she gets on top but is now bouncing on what I suddenly realize is my very full bladder. I make her get off and jump out of the car ass naked and take a piss by my rear tire without closing the door. After another attempt we decide to call it off and just go home. I'm now entirely sober. | My first time was so bad it took me from drunk to sober. |
XxtittybangbangxX | I downloaded "tinder" in hopes of meeting some women from the college I go to, I end talking to a girl who lives 45 minutes away, we decided we wanted to have sex based on profile pictures and she drove at least 45 minutes to get to my apartment, my roommate invited over like 10 people and told them what I was doing. She shows up and looks nothing like her profile picture and is not very attractive, I didn't want to have sex with her, find out she drove here drunk so I didn't want to turn her down so she would drive home drunk AND I didn't want to be a dick. I pity fucked her, condom slipped off without me noticing, I finished inside her. It was really awkward when I realized what happened. When I went to the kitchen with my shame to get a water bottle I came back and she had completely taken over my bed and was snoring. I slept on the couch, she snuck out at 7 am. I never spoke to her again.
tl;dr I pity fucked a girl, almost got her pregnant, then never spoke to her again
(Side note, she was on birth control) | I downloaded "tinder" in hopes of meeting some women from the college I go to, I end talking to a girl who lives 45 minutes away, we decided we wanted to have sex based on profile pictures and she drove at least 45 minutes to get to my apartment, my roommate invited over like 10 people and told them what I was doing. She shows up and looks nothing like her profile picture and is not very attractive, I didn't want to have sex with her, find out she drove here drunk so I didn't want to turn her down so she would drive home drunk AND I didn't want to be a dick. I pity fucked her, condom slipped off without me noticing, I finished inside her. It was really awkward when I realized what happened. When I went to the kitchen with my shame to get a water bottle I came back and she had completely taken over my bed and was snoring. I slept on the couch, she snuck out at 7 am. I never spoke to her again.
tl;dr I pity fucked a girl, almost got her pregnant, then never spoke to her again
(Side note, she was on birth control)
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5u99a | I downloaded "tinder" in hopes of meeting some women from the college I go to, I end talking to a girl who lives 45 minutes away, we decided we wanted to have sex based on profile pictures and she drove at least 45 minutes to get to my apartment, my roommate invited over like 10 people and told them what I was doing. She shows up and looks nothing like her profile picture and is not very attractive, I didn't want to have sex with her, find out she drove here drunk so I didn't want to turn her down so she would drive home drunk AND I didn't want to be a dick. I pity fucked her, condom slipped off without me noticing, I finished inside her. It was really awkward when I realized what happened. When I went to the kitchen with my shame to get a water bottle I came back and she had completely taken over my bed and was snoring. I slept on the couch, she snuck out at 7 am. I never spoke to her again. | I pity fucked a girl, almost got her pregnant, then never spoke to her again
(Side note, she was on birth control) |
bouchabit | Ok so this is my story about anal sex.
Me and my girlfriend were a little (alot) drunk. So while having sex in the shower, my drunk ass decides that tonight we try anal. My mouth was dry because of various reasons so to lubrifie her anus I grabed the closest thing I could. My drunken logic was that, since conditionner works wonder to make my hair smooth and all it would work just fine on her ass. So I grabed the pink bottle of herbal essence and conditionned the shit out of her ass.
The day after, we had a family gathering at my moms place for easter. All of us where chatting and enjoying the company of one and others. Until, out of nowhere, a strong smell of flowers reach my moms nose. So she start asking the rest of my family if they can smell it to. She was walking in circle aroud the table the origin of that random smell. This is when I understood where it was comming from. I leaned to my SO and whispered in her ear, trying not to burst in laughter : Did you fart? Her face turn from her normal pale-ish tone to bright red in seconds. Boy was she embarassed. My mom was still trying to find where the smell was comming from without succes. She looked at my SO and asked : Is this your perfume? My SO answers that it isint with her trmbling voice and just becamed silent right after, staring at her plate.
I noticed my SO lips moving so, again, I lean in and she wispered she needed to let another one rip. By that time my mom sat back at her place, close to ours. Couples of minutes after, the room starts, yet again, to smell delightfull. Again my mom trying to find what smelled so good and again, my SOs face turning red. In a super awkward way, my SO stood up and told my mom she needed to go outside to smoke.
No one but me and my girlfriend knew what really smelled like flowers.
TL;DR : If you stick herbal essence in your ass, your farts will smell like flowers.
Sorry for bad english. Not my frist language. | Ok so this is my story about anal sex.
Me and my girlfriend were a little (alot) drunk. So while having sex in the shower, my drunk ass decides that tonight we try anal. My mouth was dry because of various reasons so to lubrifie her anus I grabed the closest thing I could. My drunken logic was that, since conditionner works wonder to make my hair smooth and all it would work just fine on her ass. So I grabed the pink bottle of herbal essence and conditionned the shit out of her ass.
The day after, we had a family gathering at my moms place for easter. All of us where chatting and enjoying the company of one and others. Until, out of nowhere, a strong smell of flowers reach my moms nose. So she start asking the rest of my family if they can smell it to. She was walking in circle aroud the table the origin of that random smell. This is when I understood where it was comming from. I leaned to my SO and whispered in her ear, trying not to burst in laughter : Did you fart? Her face turn from her normal pale-ish tone to bright red in seconds. Boy was she embarassed. My mom was still trying to find where the smell was comming from without succes. She looked at my SO and asked : Is this your perfume? My SO answers that it isint with her trmbling voice and just becamed silent right after, staring at her plate.
I noticed my SO lips moving so, again, I lean in and she wispered she needed to let another one rip. By that time my mom sat back at her place, close to ours. Couples of minutes after, the room starts, yet again, to smell delightfull. Again my mom trying to find what smelled so good and again, my SOs face turning red. In a super awkward way, my SO stood up and told my mom she needed to go outside to smoke.
No one but me and my girlfriend knew what really smelled like flowers.
TL;DR : If you stick herbal essence in your ass, your farts will smell like flowers.
Sorry for bad english. Not my frist language.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5v74w | Ok so this is my story about anal sex.
Me and my girlfriend were a little (alot) drunk. So while having sex in the shower, my drunk ass decides that tonight we try anal. My mouth was dry because of various reasons so to lubrifie her anus I grabed the closest thing I could. My drunken logic was that, since conditionner works wonder to make my hair smooth and all it would work just fine on her ass. So I grabed the pink bottle of herbal essence and conditionned the shit out of her ass.
The day after, we had a family gathering at my moms place for easter. All of us where chatting and enjoying the company of one and others. Until, out of nowhere, a strong smell of flowers reach my moms nose. So she start asking the rest of my family if they can smell it to. She was walking in circle aroud the table the origin of that random smell. This is when I understood where it was comming from. I leaned to my SO and whispered in her ear, trying not to burst in laughter : Did you fart? Her face turn from her normal pale-ish tone to bright red in seconds. Boy was she embarassed. My mom was still trying to find where the smell was comming from without succes. She looked at my SO and asked : Is this your perfume? My SO answers that it isint with her trmbling voice and just becamed silent right after, staring at her plate.
I noticed my SO lips moving so, again, I lean in and she wispered she needed to let another one rip. By that time my mom sat back at her place, close to ours. Couples of minutes after, the room starts, yet again, to smell delightfull. Again my mom trying to find what smelled so good and again, my SOs face turning red. In a super awkward way, my SO stood up and told my mom she needed to go outside to smoke.
No one but me and my girlfriend knew what really smelled like flowers. | If you stick herbal essence in your ass, your farts will smell like flowers.
Sorry for bad english. Not my frist language. |
rvdw | 10 years ago, my then girlfriend went on a trip to the east and west coast of the US for 3 weeks. I stayed in Amsterdam to pay of my student loans. When she came back, we had some catching up to do.
I recently got a kamasutra book as a joke gift, and we thought it would be fun to try some of the poses. Put the mattress on the floor, and got at it. After a few impossible poses, we tried one where she would lean on her elbows and neck, and throw her pelvis up vertically, and I would stand cross legged, and trust down. This one actually worked. After a minute she lost balance, fell over, and her neck made a really loud snap noise. We both looked at each other surprised and had a nervous chuckle. We stopped with the kamasutra poses and decided to go back to our favorites.
After a few minutes her legs started to tingle, and we stopped, she laid down, and said she wasn't feeling her legs anymore. I froze up, and thought she was joking, she wasn't. I poked her in places to see where she could still feel. Waist down no feeling at all. She could not stand up either. I was like shit shit shit, and started to panic.
We had to call an ambulance, but her mother, who slept downstairs did not know we where having sex (conservative Buddhist), so we made up a story that she fell down while going to the bathroom. Ambulance called, and I woke up her mother. She was kind of confused about it all, but genuinely did not suspect anything, being a bit naive because of the cultural difference.
Ambulance arrive. They come up, and immediately understand what happens, they chuckle, but are very polite. She is completely naked under a blanket, and isn't allowed to move, so putting on clothes wasn't an option. They put a neck brace on her, and transferred her to a stretcher wrapped in the blanked. She was laying in the attic of an old style Amsterdam canal house. The stairs are really steep and narrow. So they could not carry her down on the stretcher. They call the fire department.
The fire department arrives. They all come up to the attic, all 7 of em, in full gear, standing around us, chuckling, but again they are very helpful and polite. They make a plan to use the ladder on the truck and move it towards the attic window, put the stretcher on a small lift, and slowly take her down to street level.
They go down stairs, and I go with them to fill in some paperwork. Then the head fireman says to me that a tree was in the way of getting the ladder tot the roof window, and they would probably need to cut it. It's an 150 old tree, and is part of the city heritage. I begged them not to, and they found a way to get around it thank god.
They get her down, and she's put into the ambulance, her mother sat with her in the back, I sit shotgun with the driver. The driver asked me what happened, but I keep to the story of her falling down going to the bathroom.
We arrive at the hospital. They put her under the X-ray machine, and while we wait for the photo's to develop, the doctor asks us about what happened. He was looking at me, and then her, her was suggesting to her that she does not have to be afraid to tell him, and was probably suggesting that there was some sort of domestic violence going on. She shook her head, and looked at her mother. Then used a very old fashioned definition of having intercourse so her mother would not understand, and the doctor started laughing and instantly said: "Ok, ok I get it, it's alright. I'll get the x-ray photo's."
He came back and told us he did not see anything on the x-ray photo's, and that it could have been a swollen muscle oppressing a few nerves in her back. She said she really needed to pee. and the doctor said she would be able to stand up and walk by now. Carefully he helped her sit up, and then she made a few small steps. I was never as revealed about something in my life. She went to the toilet, and slowly walked back. Doc said all she needed was some rest, and sent us home. It was 5am in the morning when we finally arrived back at her home, and got some sleep.
The next morning she was feeling rather well, and the tingling in her legs was as good as gone. Since we still didn't have sex in 3 weeks, and had all this adrenaline and endorphins going through our bodies because of the night before, we did not find ourselves sleeping at all that night. Best sex I ever had.
**tldr; Almost fucked my girlfriend into a wheelchair** | 10 years ago, my then girlfriend went on a trip to the east and west coast of the US for 3 weeks. I stayed in Amsterdam to pay of my student loans. When she came back, we had some catching up to do.
I recently got a kamasutra book as a joke gift, and we thought it would be fun to try some of the poses. Put the mattress on the floor, and got at it. After a few impossible poses, we tried one where she would lean on her elbows and neck, and throw her pelvis up vertically, and I would stand cross legged, and trust down. This one actually worked. After a minute she lost balance, fell over, and her neck made a really loud snap noise. We both looked at each other surprised and had a nervous chuckle. We stopped with the kamasutra poses and decided to go back to our favorites.
After a few minutes her legs started to tingle, and we stopped, she laid down, and said she wasn't feeling her legs anymore. I froze up, and thought she was joking, she wasn't. I poked her in places to see where she could still feel. Waist down no feeling at all. She could not stand up either. I was like shit shit shit, and started to panic.
We had to call an ambulance, but her mother, who slept downstairs did not know we where having sex (conservative Buddhist), so we made up a story that she fell down while going to the bathroom. Ambulance called, and I woke up her mother. She was kind of confused about it all, but genuinely did not suspect anything, being a bit naive because of the cultural difference.
Ambulance arrive. They come up, and immediately understand what happens, they chuckle, but are very polite. She is completely naked under a blanket, and isn't allowed to move, so putting on clothes wasn't an option. They put a neck brace on her, and transferred her to a stretcher wrapped in the blanked. She was laying in the attic of an old style Amsterdam canal house. The stairs are really steep and narrow. So they could not carry her down on the stretcher. They call the fire department.
The fire department arrives. They all come up to the attic, all 7 of em, in full gear, standing around us, chuckling, but again they are very helpful and polite. They make a plan to use the ladder on the truck and move it towards the attic window, put the stretcher on a small lift, and slowly take her down to street level.
They go down stairs, and I go with them to fill in some paperwork. Then the head fireman says to me that a tree was in the way of getting the ladder tot the roof window, and they would probably need to cut it. It's an 150 old tree, and is part of the city heritage. I begged them not to, and they found a way to get around it thank god.
They get her down, and she's put into the ambulance, her mother sat with her in the back, I sit shotgun with the driver. The driver asked me what happened, but I keep to the story of her falling down going to the bathroom.
We arrive at the hospital. They put her under the X-ray machine, and while we wait for the photo's to develop, the doctor asks us about what happened. He was looking at me, and then her, her was suggesting to her that she does not have to be afraid to tell him, and was probably suggesting that there was some sort of domestic violence going on. She shook her head, and looked at her mother. Then used a very old fashioned definition of having intercourse so her mother would not understand, and the doctor started laughing and instantly said: "Ok, ok I get it, it's alright. I'll get the x-ray photo's."
He came back and told us he did not see anything on the x-ray photo's, and that it could have been a swollen muscle oppressing a few nerves in her back. She said she really needed to pee. and the doctor said she would be able to stand up and walk by now. Carefully he helped her sit up, and then she made a few small steps. I was never as revealed about something in my life. She went to the toilet, and slowly walked back. Doc said all she needed was some rest, and sent us home. It was 5am in the morning when we finally arrived back at her home, and got some sleep.
The next morning she was feeling rather well, and the tingling in her legs was as good as gone. Since we still didn't have sex in 3 weeks, and had all this adrenaline and endorphins going through our bodies because of the night before, we did not find ourselves sleeping at all that night. Best sex I ever had.
tldr; Almost fucked my girlfriend into a wheelchair
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5vl99 | 10 years ago, my then girlfriend went on a trip to the east and west coast of the US for 3 weeks. I stayed in Amsterdam to pay of my student loans. When she came back, we had some catching up to do.
I recently got a kamasutra book as a joke gift, and we thought it would be fun to try some of the poses. Put the mattress on the floor, and got at it. After a few impossible poses, we tried one where she would lean on her elbows and neck, and throw her pelvis up vertically, and I would stand cross legged, and trust down. This one actually worked. After a minute she lost balance, fell over, and her neck made a really loud snap noise. We both looked at each other surprised and had a nervous chuckle. We stopped with the kamasutra poses and decided to go back to our favorites.
After a few minutes her legs started to tingle, and we stopped, she laid down, and said she wasn't feeling her legs anymore. I froze up, and thought she was joking, she wasn't. I poked her in places to see where she could still feel. Waist down no feeling at all. She could not stand up either. I was like shit shit shit, and started to panic.
We had to call an ambulance, but her mother, who slept downstairs did not know we where having sex (conservative Buddhist), so we made up a story that she fell down while going to the bathroom. Ambulance called, and I woke up her mother. She was kind of confused about it all, but genuinely did not suspect anything, being a bit naive because of the cultural difference.
Ambulance arrive. They come up, and immediately understand what happens, they chuckle, but are very polite. She is completely naked under a blanket, and isn't allowed to move, so putting on clothes wasn't an option. They put a neck brace on her, and transferred her to a stretcher wrapped in the blanked. She was laying in the attic of an old style Amsterdam canal house. The stairs are really steep and narrow. So they could not carry her down on the stretcher. They call the fire department.
The fire department arrives. They all come up to the attic, all 7 of em, in full gear, standing around us, chuckling, but again they are very helpful and polite. They make a plan to use the ladder on the truck and move it towards the attic window, put the stretcher on a small lift, and slowly take her down to street level.
They go down stairs, and I go with them to fill in some paperwork. Then the head fireman says to me that a tree was in the way of getting the ladder tot the roof window, and they would probably need to cut it. It's an 150 old tree, and is part of the city heritage. I begged them not to, and they found a way to get around it thank god.
They get her down, and she's put into the ambulance, her mother sat with her in the back, I sit shotgun with the driver. The driver asked me what happened, but I keep to the story of her falling down going to the bathroom.
We arrive at the hospital. They put her under the X-ray machine, and while we wait for the photo's to develop, the doctor asks us about what happened. He was looking at me, and then her, her was suggesting to her that she does not have to be afraid to tell him, and was probably suggesting that there was some sort of domestic violence going on. She shook her head, and looked at her mother. Then used a very old fashioned definition of having intercourse so her mother would not understand, and the doctor started laughing and instantly said: "Ok, ok I get it, it's alright. I'll get the x-ray photo's."
He came back and told us he did not see anything on the x-ray photo's, and that it could have been a swollen muscle oppressing a few nerves in her back. She said she really needed to pee. and the doctor said she would be able to stand up and walk by now. Carefully he helped her sit up, and then she made a few small steps. I was never as revealed about something in my life. She went to the toilet, and slowly walked back. Doc said all she needed was some rest, and sent us home. It was 5am in the morning when we finally arrived back at her home, and got some sleep.
The next morning she was feeling rather well, and the tingling in her legs was as good as gone. Since we still didn't have sex in 3 weeks, and had all this adrenaline and endorphins going through our bodies because of the night before, we did not find ourselves sleeping at all that night. Best sex I ever had. | Almost fucked my girlfriend into a wheelchair |
Thestreak03 | I'm not ashamed of any of my sexual experiences, but the one that will most likely make people question me would be the time I got twacked out on meth with a girl I dated in junior high, who later came out as a lesbian, and her bisexual girl friend.
This was back before I got clean and I went over to visit and smoke a bit with them. We were feeling pretty good and we all decided to kick back in the hot tub for awhile. We all get naked, hop in the tub, and you could tell there was a bit of sexual tension after awhile. My ex said she wanted to watch her girl friend and me go at it, to which I happily said yes. Meth always made me horny as hell. After awhile she says that she has never had sex with a man and was curious to see what it'd be like and would like to try it with me, but in order for that to happen she said she wanted to put a dildo in my ass. It only took a few seconds for me to ask if I could chose which one.
TL:DR I had a dildo put in my ass by my ex during a drug fueled threesome with her girlfriend. | I'm not ashamed of any of my sexual experiences, but the one that will most likely make people question me would be the time I got twacked out on meth with a girl I dated in junior high, who later came out as a lesbian, and her bisexual girl friend.
This was back before I got clean and I went over to visit and smoke a bit with them. We were feeling pretty good and we all decided to kick back in the hot tub for awhile. We all get naked, hop in the tub, and you could tell there was a bit of sexual tension after awhile. My ex said she wanted to watch her girl friend and me go at it, to which I happily said yes. Meth always made me horny as hell. After awhile she says that she has never had sex with a man and was curious to see what it'd be like and would like to try it with me, but in order for that to happen she said she wanted to put a dildo in my ass. It only took a few seconds for me to ask if I could chose which one.
TL:DR I had a dildo put in my ass by my ex during a drug fueled threesome with her girlfriend.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5w1j4 | I'm not ashamed of any of my sexual experiences, but the one that will most likely make people question me would be the time I got twacked out on meth with a girl I dated in junior high, who later came out as a lesbian, and her bisexual girl friend.
This was back before I got clean and I went over to visit and smoke a bit with them. We were feeling pretty good and we all decided to kick back in the hot tub for awhile. We all get naked, hop in the tub, and you could tell there was a bit of sexual tension after awhile. My ex said she wanted to watch her girl friend and me go at it, to which I happily said yes. Meth always made me horny as hell. After awhile she says that she has never had sex with a man and was curious to see what it'd be like and would like to try it with me, but in order for that to happen she said she wanted to put a dildo in my ass. It only took a few seconds for me to ask if I could chose which one. | I had a dildo put in my ass by my ex during a drug fueled threesome with her girlfriend. |
1012345 | I'm probably too late for this post but felt like I needed to share this. Might be long but worth the read I promise.
I have never told anyone this before, not even close friends because I'm so ashamed of it.
So here goes..I was dating this guy for a while and he was a bit strange to be honest. He didn't have many friends and I knew there was something up with him. His family were just as strange too. We had been dating for about four months when he told me he had a secret to tell me. I had no idea what was coming, I thought maybe it was some fucked up family secret but he ends up blurting out that he has this fetish and tries to make me guess what it was. I start naming out the most popular fetishes but none match his. He eventually explains to me that he loves seeing girls humiliated by getting food thrown at them and food being put in their pants. I noped the fuck out of his house that night and seriously thought about what he had just said to me. I finally came around and thought..well I like this guy so it can't really be that bad.
We didn't talk about it that much afterwards because he was really embarrassed about it but about a month or so after he kept hinting that he wanted to humiliate me with food and do so in a bath. He specifically told me what types of food he would like to use and admitted he had sit in the shower himself and poured beans over himself and got himself off. At this point I was getting seriously put off of him but for some reason I gave in and next thing I knew I was in his bath getting beans, noodles, eggs and god knows what else being thrown over me while he proceeded to get himself off for a whole 10 seconds. I have never felt so awkward and ashamed in my whole fucking life and it has to be my biggest regret..even going out with his guy was such a big mistake. Yous are probably laughing at this because it's so fucking weird.
I broke up with the guy a few months after..I just couldn't handle it anymore!
TL,DR: Let a guy thrown beans, noodles and eggs over me in a bath while he jacked off | I'm probably too late for this post but felt like I needed to share this. Might be long but worth the read I promise.
I have never told anyone this before, not even close friends because I'm so ashamed of it.
So here goes..I was dating this guy for a while and he was a bit strange to be honest. He didn't have many friends and I knew there was something up with him. His family were just as strange too. We had been dating for about four months when he told me he had a secret to tell me. I had no idea what was coming, I thought maybe it was some fucked up family secret but he ends up blurting out that he has this fetish and tries to make me guess what it was. I start naming out the most popular fetishes but none match his. He eventually explains to me that he loves seeing girls humiliated by getting food thrown at them and food being put in their pants. I noped the fuck out of his house that night and seriously thought about what he had just said to me. I finally came around and thought..well I like this guy so it can't really be that bad.
We didn't talk about it that much afterwards because he was really embarrassed about it but about a month or so after he kept hinting that he wanted to humiliate me with food and do so in a bath. He specifically told me what types of food he would like to use and admitted he had sit in the shower himself and poured beans over himself and got himself off. At this point I was getting seriously put off of him but for some reason I gave in and next thing I knew I was in his bath getting beans, noodles, eggs and god knows what else being thrown over me while he proceeded to get himself off for a whole 10 seconds. I have never felt so awkward and ashamed in my whole fucking life and it has to be my biggest regret..even going out with his guy was such a big mistake. Yous are probably laughing at this because it's so fucking weird.
I broke up with the guy a few months after..I just couldn't handle it anymore!
TL,DR: Let a guy thrown beans, noodles and eggs over me in a bath while he jacked off
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5w8m4 | I'm probably too late for this post but felt like I needed to share this. Might be long but worth the read I promise.
I have never told anyone this before, not even close friends because I'm so ashamed of it.
So here goes..I was dating this guy for a while and he was a bit strange to be honest. He didn't have many friends and I knew there was something up with him. His family were just as strange too. We had been dating for about four months when he told me he had a secret to tell me. I had no idea what was coming, I thought maybe it was some fucked up family secret but he ends up blurting out that he has this fetish and tries to make me guess what it was. I start naming out the most popular fetishes but none match his. He eventually explains to me that he loves seeing girls humiliated by getting food thrown at them and food being put in their pants. I noped the fuck out of his house that night and seriously thought about what he had just said to me. I finally came around and thought..well I like this guy so it can't really be that bad.
We didn't talk about it that much afterwards because he was really embarrassed about it but about a month or so after he kept hinting that he wanted to humiliate me with food and do so in a bath. He specifically told me what types of food he would like to use and admitted he had sit in the shower himself and poured beans over himself and got himself off. At this point I was getting seriously put off of him but for some reason I gave in and next thing I knew I was in his bath getting beans, noodles, eggs and god knows what else being thrown over me while he proceeded to get himself off for a whole 10 seconds. I have never felt so awkward and ashamed in my whole fucking life and it has to be my biggest regret..even going out with his guy was such a big mistake. Yous are probably laughing at this because it's so fucking weird.
I broke up with the guy a few months after..I just couldn't handle it anymore! | Let a guy thrown beans, noodles and eggs over me in a bath while he jacked off |
shiningmidnight | So it was kinda awesome but I still feel a little shame, and a little shame is all I got cause everything else has gone pretty awesomely, sex-wise.
Well okay my first like 3 blowjobs I was so nervous I couldn't cum even though it felt great. But I don't feel too much shame any more about that cause I was like 16 or something.
Anyway must much later than that, second year of college there was this girl who was friends with this girl I was kinda seeing. I say kinda because everyone who saw us would think we were together but she was really cheating on her boyfriend and I should have known she would "cheat" on me too.
So, she did.
I was kinda pissed and needed help understanding (was like 19, and dumb) so I turned to the friend. Things got kinda flirty and she invited me to come over to this house she was babysitting at. I get there and the kid is either asleep or just about to fall asleep so we get right along to talking having a few smokes, flirt some more.
And then it happens. We're in the living room, getting naked. She goes down on me, I go down on her, it's going pretty well. This is like porn sex, too. We're changing positions, locations, probably the most involved and some of the most enjoyable sex I've ever had.
But I couldn't cum. At the time she was my third, ever, and I guess I hadn't quite gotten over the nervousness. And before anyubody comes to the wrong conclusion, yes she was hot. Or at least I found her attractive. I'd still put her in the top 3 most attractive women I've been with.
Anyway we tried fucking, went back to her going down on me, handjobs back to fucking. As long as she wasn't faking I did manage to give her 2 or 3 orgasms, so that was fine, but I couldn't finish and it was leaving things feeling a bit incomplete.
Now I know what you're thinking, we've all kinda been there. But have you been there for literally 5-6 hours?
I always think to myself, no way, you can't have sex that long and not cum. But we started after midnight, and we did not stop until I finally admitted defeat, and there were birds and shit starting to chirp. By the time I got into my car to head home it was nearly 6am.
**TL;DR - Had awesome, porn-movie-quality sex with a girl in college for motherfucking FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT and couldn't get off. As long as she wasn't faking I got her off so I feel a little better about it, but not 100% better.** | So it was kinda awesome but I still feel a little shame, and a little shame is all I got cause everything else has gone pretty awesomely, sex-wise.
Well okay my first like 3 blowjobs I was so nervous I couldn't cum even though it felt great. But I don't feel too much shame any more about that cause I was like 16 or something.
Anyway must much later than that, second year of college there was this girl who was friends with this girl I was kinda seeing. I say kinda because everyone who saw us would think we were together but she was really cheating on her boyfriend and I should have known she would "cheat" on me too.
So, she did.
I was kinda pissed and needed help understanding (was like 19, and dumb) so I turned to the friend. Things got kinda flirty and she invited me to come over to this house she was babysitting at. I get there and the kid is either asleep or just about to fall asleep so we get right along to talking having a few smokes, flirt some more.
And then it happens. We're in the living room, getting naked. She goes down on me, I go down on her, it's going pretty well. This is like porn sex, too. We're changing positions, locations, probably the most involved and some of the most enjoyable sex I've ever had.
But I couldn't cum. At the time she was my third, ever, and I guess I hadn't quite gotten over the nervousness. And before anyubody comes to the wrong conclusion, yes she was hot. Or at least I found her attractive. I'd still put her in the top 3 most attractive women I've been with.
Anyway we tried fucking, went back to her going down on me, handjobs back to fucking. As long as she wasn't faking I did manage to give her 2 or 3 orgasms, so that was fine, but I couldn't finish and it was leaving things feeling a bit incomplete.
Now I know what you're thinking, we've all kinda been there. But have you been there for literally 5-6 hours?
I always think to myself, no way, you can't have sex that long and not cum. But we started after midnight, and we did not stop until I finally admitted defeat, and there were birds and shit starting to chirp. By the time I got into my car to head home it was nearly 6am.
TL;DR - Had awesome, porn-movie-quality sex with a girl in college for motherfucking FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT and couldn't get off. As long as she wasn't faking I got her off so I feel a little better about it, but not 100% better.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5wwho | So it was kinda awesome but I still feel a little shame, and a little shame is all I got cause everything else has gone pretty awesomely, sex-wise.
Well okay my first like 3 blowjobs I was so nervous I couldn't cum even though it felt great. But I don't feel too much shame any more about that cause I was like 16 or something.
Anyway must much later than that, second year of college there was this girl who was friends with this girl I was kinda seeing. I say kinda because everyone who saw us would think we were together but she was really cheating on her boyfriend and I should have known she would "cheat" on me too.
So, she did.
I was kinda pissed and needed help understanding (was like 19, and dumb) so I turned to the friend. Things got kinda flirty and she invited me to come over to this house she was babysitting at. I get there and the kid is either asleep or just about to fall asleep so we get right along to talking having a few smokes, flirt some more.
And then it happens. We're in the living room, getting naked. She goes down on me, I go down on her, it's going pretty well. This is like porn sex, too. We're changing positions, locations, probably the most involved and some of the most enjoyable sex I've ever had.
But I couldn't cum. At the time she was my third, ever, and I guess I hadn't quite gotten over the nervousness. And before anyubody comes to the wrong conclusion, yes she was hot. Or at least I found her attractive. I'd still put her in the top 3 most attractive women I've been with.
Anyway we tried fucking, went back to her going down on me, handjobs back to fucking. As long as she wasn't faking I did manage to give her 2 or 3 orgasms, so that was fine, but I couldn't finish and it was leaving things feeling a bit incomplete.
Now I know what you're thinking, we've all kinda been there. But have you been there for literally 5-6 hours?
I always think to myself, no way, you can't have sex that long and not cum. But we started after midnight, and we did not stop until I finally admitted defeat, and there were birds and shit starting to chirp. By the time I got into my car to head home it was nearly 6am. | Had awesome, porn-movie-quality sex with a girl in college for motherfucking FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT and couldn't get off. As long as she wasn't faking I got her off so I feel a little better about it, but not 100% better. |
reachforthedead | When I was 16 I was with a girl who'd been in a car accident at a young age and was left with PTSD which lead to alopecia. She wore a wig during the day and would take it off to sleep - I didn't find it weird, we were comfortable with each other. She was actually quite attractive without it. The alopecia affected her entire body so downstairs was... well you get the point.
Anyway one time she was working the shaft and cradling the balls and just before I climaxed, I stood from her bed and JO'd on her bald head. At the time I genuinely thought she would find it hot but tears followed very shortly after. We broke up on her birthday and she celebrated by burning everything that reminded her of me! Deep.
TL;DR I came on a bald girls head and she cried. | When I was 16 I was with a girl who'd been in a car accident at a young age and was left with PTSD which lead to alopecia. She wore a wig during the day and would take it off to sleep - I didn't find it weird, we were comfortable with each other. She was actually quite attractive without it. The alopecia affected her entire body so downstairs was... well you get the point.
Anyway one time she was working the shaft and cradling the balls and just before I climaxed, I stood from her bed and JO'd on her bald head. At the time I genuinely thought she would find it hot but tears followed very shortly after. We broke up on her birthday and she celebrated by burning everything that reminded her of me! Deep.
TL;DR I came on a bald girls head and she cried.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5wzbz | When I was 16 I was with a girl who'd been in a car accident at a young age and was left with PTSD which lead to alopecia. She wore a wig during the day and would take it off to sleep - I didn't find it weird, we were comfortable with each other. She was actually quite attractive without it. The alopecia affected her entire body so downstairs was... well you get the point.
Anyway one time she was working the shaft and cradling the balls and just before I climaxed, I stood from her bed and JO'd on her bald head. At the time I genuinely thought she would find it hot but tears followed very shortly after. We broke up on her birthday and she celebrated by burning everything that reminded her of me! Deep. | I came on a bald girls head and she cried. |
_Pitchfork_Vendor_ | i was young and dumb and didn't understand women the way i do today. I had a smooooookin hot chick over at a house party along with her mandatory ugly +1 bff. She was there because I thought we had hit it off in the last couple days and it was goin somewhere. I didn't realize at the time she was playing hard to get and telling me to step my game up - I thought she just wasn't interested (yea right! ha) so i ended up fucking her ugly friend that night.
turns out she was obviously interested and we started hooking up after i spent the next few days spewing horrible game about how i only fucked her ugly friend because i was an idiot and thought she wasn't interested. We only ended up fucking for a couple weeks since she couldn't "get over how I couldn't wait for her" and she couldn't see a relationship forming, which in hindsight wasn't a bad thing as i didn't want one anyways. Main thing is I can't believe i stuck my dick in a girl my friends had labeled the "bushpig whore". Also during the few days hot girl was pissed at me she publicly announced during a beer pong game with me why she was pissed at me. My friends almost died laughing, and i can't even blame them.
tl;dr: fucked a hot girls ugly, ugly friend, hot girl gets pissed and tells my friends, later I end up fucking said hot girl and finding out that no level of sexy can wash that kind of stain off of your dignity. | i was young and dumb and didn't understand women the way i do today. I had a smooooookin hot chick over at a house party along with her mandatory ugly +1 bff. She was there because I thought we had hit it off in the last couple days and it was goin somewhere. I didn't realize at the time she was playing hard to get and telling me to step my game up - I thought she just wasn't interested (yea right! ha) so i ended up fucking her ugly friend that night.
turns out she was obviously interested and we started hooking up after i spent the next few days spewing horrible game about how i only fucked her ugly friend because i was an idiot and thought she wasn't interested. We only ended up fucking for a couple weeks since she couldn't "get over how I couldn't wait for her" and she couldn't see a relationship forming, which in hindsight wasn't a bad thing as i didn't want one anyways. Main thing is I can't believe i stuck my dick in a girl my friends had labeled the "bushpig whore". Also during the few days hot girl was pissed at me she publicly announced during a beer pong game with me why she was pissed at me. My friends almost died laughing, and i can't even blame them.
tl;dr: fucked a hot girls ugly, ugly friend, hot girl gets pissed and tells my friends, later I end up fucking said hot girl and finding out that no level of sexy can wash that kind of stain off of your dignity.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5wzcd | i was young and dumb and didn't understand women the way i do today. I had a smooooookin hot chick over at a house party along with her mandatory ugly +1 bff. She was there because I thought we had hit it off in the last couple days and it was goin somewhere. I didn't realize at the time she was playing hard to get and telling me to step my game up - I thought she just wasn't interested (yea right! ha) so i ended up fucking her ugly friend that night.
turns out she was obviously interested and we started hooking up after i spent the next few days spewing horrible game about how i only fucked her ugly friend because i was an idiot and thought she wasn't interested. We only ended up fucking for a couple weeks since she couldn't "get over how I couldn't wait for her" and she couldn't see a relationship forming, which in hindsight wasn't a bad thing as i didn't want one anyways. Main thing is I can't believe i stuck my dick in a girl my friends had labeled the "bushpig whore". Also during the few days hot girl was pissed at me she publicly announced during a beer pong game with me why she was pissed at me. My friends almost died laughing, and i can't even blame them. | fucked a hot girls ugly, ugly friend, hot girl gets pissed and tells my friends, later I end up fucking said hot girl and finding out that no level of sexy can wash that kind of stain off of your dignity. |
profwom | I'm not sure I'm completely ashamed, but it was quite embarrassing. When I was in high school my girlfriend at the time was older and into kinky stuff. One night her mom went to play board games with neighbors, so we had the house to ourselves with the exception of her little brother, so we just shut her door. She tied me up to her bed with her thigh highs and proceeded to beat me, which I was cool with. This girl was nuts though, she actually hurt me, I had red marks and surface bruises everywhere the next day. Anyway, halfway through, she's riding me and I hear pounding on the door, her mom is home. My gf tries to untie me, but we can't get it done, with her beating me like that, I pulled those things ultra-tight. Her mom is going absolutely bat shit crazy, screaming to let her in the room, etc. Her mom was a big woman, so literally pushes the locked door open, breaking part of the frame, it was one of those cheap hollow doors, so not a big deal, but scared the crap out of me. So there she is, large woman standing over me, screaming, I'm completely not going anywhere. Here's where I was ashamed... my gf has to go get scissors to cut the thigh highs, I'm left there alone, completely naked with my hard cock and red marks all over my skin, all while her mom stands over me yelling. There was nothing I could say, I just had to lay there and wait and god was it awful. I couldn't make eye contact, so I'm just staring the other direction, mentally begging my gf to get back to the room. The mom spent that entire time yelling at me and telling me what a piece of shit I was. I actually stayed with the girl after that, but was banned from the house. However, there were many other stories from that girl/mom as I actually didn't break up with the girl for another six months.
**tl;dr I was tied up and couldn't get free when my gf's mom came into the room. Embarrassment ensued.** | I'm not sure I'm completely ashamed, but it was quite embarrassing. When I was in high school my girlfriend at the time was older and into kinky stuff. One night her mom went to play board games with neighbors, so we had the house to ourselves with the exception of her little brother, so we just shut her door. She tied me up to her bed with her thigh highs and proceeded to beat me, which I was cool with. This girl was nuts though, she actually hurt me, I had red marks and surface bruises everywhere the next day. Anyway, halfway through, she's riding me and I hear pounding on the door, her mom is home. My gf tries to untie me, but we can't get it done, with her beating me like that, I pulled those things ultra-tight. Her mom is going absolutely bat shit crazy, screaming to let her in the room, etc. Her mom was a big woman, so literally pushes the locked door open, breaking part of the frame, it was one of those cheap hollow doors, so not a big deal, but scared the crap out of me. So there she is, large woman standing over me, screaming, I'm completely not going anywhere. Here's where I was ashamed... my gf has to go get scissors to cut the thigh highs, I'm left there alone, completely naked with my hard cock and red marks all over my skin, all while her mom stands over me yelling. There was nothing I could say, I just had to lay there and wait and god was it awful. I couldn't make eye contact, so I'm just staring the other direction, mentally begging my gf to get back to the room. The mom spent that entire time yelling at me and telling me what a piece of shit I was. I actually stayed with the girl after that, but was banned from the house. However, there were many other stories from that girl/mom as I actually didn't break up with the girl for another six months.
tl;dr I was tied up and couldn't get free when my gf's mom came into the room. Embarrassment ensued.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5x1s0 | I'm not sure I'm completely ashamed, but it was quite embarrassing. When I was in high school my girlfriend at the time was older and into kinky stuff. One night her mom went to play board games with neighbors, so we had the house to ourselves with the exception of her little brother, so we just shut her door. She tied me up to her bed with her thigh highs and proceeded to beat me, which I was cool with. This girl was nuts though, she actually hurt me, I had red marks and surface bruises everywhere the next day. Anyway, halfway through, she's riding me and I hear pounding on the door, her mom is home. My gf tries to untie me, but we can't get it done, with her beating me like that, I pulled those things ultra-tight. Her mom is going absolutely bat shit crazy, screaming to let her in the room, etc. Her mom was a big woman, so literally pushes the locked door open, breaking part of the frame, it was one of those cheap hollow doors, so not a big deal, but scared the crap out of me. So there she is, large woman standing over me, screaming, I'm completely not going anywhere. Here's where I was ashamed... my gf has to go get scissors to cut the thigh highs, I'm left there alone, completely naked with my hard cock and red marks all over my skin, all while her mom stands over me yelling. There was nothing I could say, I just had to lay there and wait and god was it awful. I couldn't make eye contact, so I'm just staring the other direction, mentally begging my gf to get back to the room. The mom spent that entire time yelling at me and telling me what a piece of shit I was. I actually stayed with the girl after that, but was banned from the house. However, there were many other stories from that girl/mom as I actually didn't break up with the girl for another six months. | I was tied up and couldn't get free when my gf's mom came into the room. Embarrassment ensued. |
darkwing_duck_87 | Here's one I've mentioned before:
I had to go to a physical or something in the afternoon, when I was in community college. I can't remember what it was all about. Health insurance or something. Anyways, I spent the morning shooting pool in the game room with my friends and girlfriend at the time.
I convinced my gf to give me a handjob in the bathroom before I left for the clinic. There's a handicap bathroom that locks that I use to use. So, we're in there and she starts rubbing me off. I started getting uncomfortable because it was so dry, so I told her to spit on her hand or something.
"No, that's gross." Fine, so use the soap, I suggest. She does this and it's weird. It takes way longer then it should of because it was one of those, "are you done yet?" kinda handjobs. By the time I finished, I had to zip up and run out to my car to make it to the clinic on time.
A bit later, I'm sitting on the paper sheet, after the nurse showed me to the exam room and left. That's when it hits me. Someone is going to be face first in my crotch. I take a quick peak and sure enough... The fucking handsoap mixed with my sweat and crotch dampness and is slimy and semi-lathered. There's goo all over my boxers and shlong. It looks like I got a bj from a camel, only it reeks like soap.
I pull my pants up and the nurse or doctor who is going to do the exam walks in. I'm sweating bullets as I answer their inane questions, knowing where this is going. Finally, the moment of truth and they ask me to pull down my pants.
"Uh... so, I just want to say that my *girlfriend* gave me a hand job before I came here.. and well... *she* used hand soap and I didn't have a chance to shower so all the stuff you see is just soap." Oh shit, I bet that sounded fucking pathetic. Yeah, right, your "girlfriend". Fucking pervert.
In a totally monotone voice they just said, "Okay." That's it. So I pulled 'em down and they started poking around for whatever. I could feel the skin stick to everything as the junk got tossed around. I didn't look down. I stared at the knot designs on the wooden door. They always looked like eyes to me. Always watching me as I shit in the bathroom. Seeing all my shame. God, I was so down.
It was my girlfriend, I swear.
**tl;dr GF gave me a soapy handjob just before a physical. Tried to tell the doctor why my junk was covered in white sticky foam.** | Here's one I've mentioned before:
I had to go to a physical or something in the afternoon, when I was in community college. I can't remember what it was all about. Health insurance or something. Anyways, I spent the morning shooting pool in the game room with my friends and girlfriend at the time.
I convinced my gf to give me a handjob in the bathroom before I left for the clinic. There's a handicap bathroom that locks that I use to use. So, we're in there and she starts rubbing me off. I started getting uncomfortable because it was so dry, so I told her to spit on her hand or something.
"No, that's gross." Fine, so use the soap, I suggest. She does this and it's weird. It takes way longer then it should of because it was one of those, "are you done yet?" kinda handjobs. By the time I finished, I had to zip up and run out to my car to make it to the clinic on time.
A bit later, I'm sitting on the paper sheet, after the nurse showed me to the exam room and left. That's when it hits me. Someone is going to be face first in my crotch. I take a quick peak and sure enough... The fucking handsoap mixed with my sweat and crotch dampness and is slimy and semi-lathered. There's goo all over my boxers and shlong. It looks like I got a bj from a camel, only it reeks like soap.
I pull my pants up and the nurse or doctor who is going to do the exam walks in. I'm sweating bullets as I answer their inane questions, knowing where this is going. Finally, the moment of truth and they ask me to pull down my pants.
"Uh... so, I just want to say that my girlfriend gave me a hand job before I came here.. and well... she used hand soap and I didn't have a chance to shower so all the stuff you see is just soap." Oh shit, I bet that sounded fucking pathetic. Yeah, right, your "girlfriend". Fucking pervert.
In a totally monotone voice they just said, "Okay." That's it. So I pulled 'em down and they started poking around for whatever. I could feel the skin stick to everything as the junk got tossed around. I didn't look down. I stared at the knot designs on the wooden door. They always looked like eyes to me. Always watching me as I shit in the bathroom. Seeing all my shame. God, I was so down.
It was my girlfriend, I swear.
tl;dr GF gave me a soapy handjob just before a physical. Tried to tell the doctor why my junk was covered in white sticky foam.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5xd2c | Here's one I've mentioned before:
I had to go to a physical or something in the afternoon, when I was in community college. I can't remember what it was all about. Health insurance or something. Anyways, I spent the morning shooting pool in the game room with my friends and girlfriend at the time.
I convinced my gf to give me a handjob in the bathroom before I left for the clinic. There's a handicap bathroom that locks that I use to use. So, we're in there and she starts rubbing me off. I started getting uncomfortable because it was so dry, so I told her to spit on her hand or something.
"No, that's gross." Fine, so use the soap, I suggest. She does this and it's weird. It takes way longer then it should of because it was one of those, "are you done yet?" kinda handjobs. By the time I finished, I had to zip up and run out to my car to make it to the clinic on time.
A bit later, I'm sitting on the paper sheet, after the nurse showed me to the exam room and left. That's when it hits me. Someone is going to be face first in my crotch. I take a quick peak and sure enough... The fucking handsoap mixed with my sweat and crotch dampness and is slimy and semi-lathered. There's goo all over my boxers and shlong. It looks like I got a bj from a camel, only it reeks like soap.
I pull my pants up and the nurse or doctor who is going to do the exam walks in. I'm sweating bullets as I answer their inane questions, knowing where this is going. Finally, the moment of truth and they ask me to pull down my pants.
"Uh... so, I just want to say that my girlfriend gave me a hand job before I came here.. and well... she used hand soap and I didn't have a chance to shower so all the stuff you see is just soap." Oh shit, I bet that sounded fucking pathetic. Yeah, right, your "girlfriend". Fucking pervert.
In a totally monotone voice they just said, "Okay." That's it. So I pulled 'em down and they started poking around for whatever. I could feel the skin stick to everything as the junk got tossed around. I didn't look down. I stared at the knot designs on the wooden door. They always looked like eyes to me. Always watching me as I shit in the bathroom. Seeing all my shame. God, I was so down.
It was my girlfriend, I swear. | GF gave me a soapy handjob just before a physical. Tried to tell the doctor why my junk was covered in white sticky foam. |
Max_Insanity | Are you kidding me? It was in bad taste, but it was a great joke, the kind I could imagine Jimmy Carr to make.
Now on to kill it: We find stuff funny that catches us off-guard (as long as it's non-threatening), especially if it is witty and has several layers to it.
**tl;dr:** 'twas a funny joke. | Are you kidding me? It was in bad taste, but it was a great joke, the kind I could imagine Jimmy Carr to make.
Now on to kill it: We find stuff funny that catches us off-guard (as long as it's non-threatening), especially if it is witty and has several layers to it.
tl;dr: 'twas a funny joke.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5xgbw | Are you kidding me? It was in bad taste, but it was a great joke, the kind I could imagine Jimmy Carr to make.
Now on to kill it: We find stuff funny that catches us off-guard (as long as it's non-threatening), especially if it is witty and has several layers to it. | twas a funny joke. |
ProcrastinHater | I swore I'd never speak of this, but here goes. Sorry for the wall of text in advance.
It was the summer after my freshman year of college (I'm a senior now) and I was horny as any other 18-year old guy. Additional background- was a virgin, never gotten a beej.
My ex's friend had been hitting on me all summer since I was finally out of the shitty relationship that preceded. I'm a boobs guy, and she had a great seat of sweater puppies so I decided to go for it after much convincing on her part. I was hesitant because she was well known for being relatively promiscuous. So we meet up one afternoon at a local park, walk and talk for a while, and then end up making out in the shade of a tree for a couple minutes before heading to a more private location; namely, a parking lot adjacent to the local outlet mall. Being summer, it was pretty sweaty in the backseat of my car, so we decided to hang out at the mall for a while and try again in a bit.
Fast forward two hours: Sun going down, much cooler outside, hormones raging. Drive back to the parking lot, hop in the backseat. Things are getting heated, things are getting stiff, and she takes my pants off. Starts giving me head (which I realize after more experience wasn't very good, but since it was my first time, I loved it). She stops after about 30 seconds and indicates she wants me to return the favor. Being a gentleman, I oblige her and take off her shorts. Here's where it starts getting weird. I'm doing my thing, she's loving it. Going at her with mouth and hand, and everything seems fine.
I notice the taste first. Not what a soft pocket usually tastes like, but more...tangy. Metallic almost. I come up for a breath and... **there's blood everywhere!!!** All over my hand, all over the leather backseat, handprints on the headrest, and from the look of sheer horror on her face, I could tell mine was covered too. Backseat looked like an episode of Dexter. Boner gone, mood killed instantly.
Luckily I keep napkins in my car at all times. Urgent, awkward cleanup ensues, all the while both of us are apologizing and wondering what the bloody hell happened. I'm outside the car putting my belt back on and hocking pink lugies into the adjacent parking spot as she cleans herself up. Deathly quiet drive to the Burger King a block away for something to wash the taste out of my mouth. Said goodbye shortly after, and have barely spoken to her since.
The worst part IMO was when I got home later and realized what had actually happened. No, she wasn't on her period. In my enthusiasm for sexual release, I had forgotten what should be a cardinal rule of hookups: **ALWAYS CLIP YOUR FINGERNAILS.** Yep, I scratched the shit out of her lady parts, to the point she became a veritable Vesuvius of lady juice.
It went *okay*.
**TL;DR** ALWAYS clip your fingernails | I swore I'd never speak of this, but here goes. Sorry for the wall of text in advance.
It was the summer after my freshman year of college (I'm a senior now) and I was horny as any other 18-year old guy. Additional background- was a virgin, never gotten a beej.
My ex's friend had been hitting on me all summer since I was finally out of the shitty relationship that preceded. I'm a boobs guy, and she had a great seat of sweater puppies so I decided to go for it after much convincing on her part. I was hesitant because she was well known for being relatively promiscuous. So we meet up one afternoon at a local park, walk and talk for a while, and then end up making out in the shade of a tree for a couple minutes before heading to a more private location; namely, a parking lot adjacent to the local outlet mall. Being summer, it was pretty sweaty in the backseat of my car, so we decided to hang out at the mall for a while and try again in a bit.
Fast forward two hours: Sun going down, much cooler outside, hormones raging. Drive back to the parking lot, hop in the backseat. Things are getting heated, things are getting stiff, and she takes my pants off. Starts giving me head (which I realize after more experience wasn't very good, but since it was my first time, I loved it). She stops after about 30 seconds and indicates she wants me to return the favor. Being a gentleman, I oblige her and take off her shorts. Here's where it starts getting weird. I'm doing my thing, she's loving it. Going at her with mouth and hand, and everything seems fine.
I notice the taste first. Not what a soft pocket usually tastes like, but more...tangy. Metallic almost. I come up for a breath and... there's blood everywhere!!! All over my hand, all over the leather backseat, handprints on the headrest, and from the look of sheer horror on her face, I could tell mine was covered too. Backseat looked like an episode of Dexter. Boner gone, mood killed instantly.
Luckily I keep napkins in my car at all times. Urgent, awkward cleanup ensues, all the while both of us are apologizing and wondering what the bloody hell happened. I'm outside the car putting my belt back on and hocking pink lugies into the adjacent parking spot as she cleans herself up. Deathly quiet drive to the Burger King a block away for something to wash the taste out of my mouth. Said goodbye shortly after, and have barely spoken to her since.
The worst part IMO was when I got home later and realized what had actually happened. No, she wasn't on her period. In my enthusiasm for sexual release, I had forgotten what should be a cardinal rule of hookups: ALWAYS CLIP YOUR FINGERNAILS. Yep, I scratched the shit out of her lady parts, to the point she became a veritable Vesuvius of lady juice.
It went okay .
TL;DR ALWAYS clip your fingernails
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5xoko | I swore I'd never speak of this, but here goes. Sorry for the wall of text in advance.
It was the summer after my freshman year of college (I'm a senior now) and I was horny as any other 18-year old guy. Additional background- was a virgin, never gotten a beej.
My ex's friend had been hitting on me all summer since I was finally out of the shitty relationship that preceded. I'm a boobs guy, and she had a great seat of sweater puppies so I decided to go for it after much convincing on her part. I was hesitant because she was well known for being relatively promiscuous. So we meet up one afternoon at a local park, walk and talk for a while, and then end up making out in the shade of a tree for a couple minutes before heading to a more private location; namely, a parking lot adjacent to the local outlet mall. Being summer, it was pretty sweaty in the backseat of my car, so we decided to hang out at the mall for a while and try again in a bit.
Fast forward two hours: Sun going down, much cooler outside, hormones raging. Drive back to the parking lot, hop in the backseat. Things are getting heated, things are getting stiff, and she takes my pants off. Starts giving me head (which I realize after more experience wasn't very good, but since it was my first time, I loved it). She stops after about 30 seconds and indicates she wants me to return the favor. Being a gentleman, I oblige her and take off her shorts. Here's where it starts getting weird. I'm doing my thing, she's loving it. Going at her with mouth and hand, and everything seems fine.
I notice the taste first. Not what a soft pocket usually tastes like, but more...tangy. Metallic almost. I come up for a breath and... there's blood everywhere!!! All over my hand, all over the leather backseat, handprints on the headrest, and from the look of sheer horror on her face, I could tell mine was covered too. Backseat looked like an episode of Dexter. Boner gone, mood killed instantly.
Luckily I keep napkins in my car at all times. Urgent, awkward cleanup ensues, all the while both of us are apologizing and wondering what the bloody hell happened. I'm outside the car putting my belt back on and hocking pink lugies into the adjacent parking spot as she cleans herself up. Deathly quiet drive to the Burger King a block away for something to wash the taste out of my mouth. Said goodbye shortly after, and have barely spoken to her since.
The worst part IMO was when I got home later and realized what had actually happened. No, she wasn't on her period. In my enthusiasm for sexual release, I had forgotten what should be a cardinal rule of hookups: ALWAYS CLIP YOUR FINGERNAILS. Yep, I scratched the shit out of her lady parts, to the point she became a veritable Vesuvius of lady juice.
It went okay . | ALWAYS clip your fingernails |
circuitbreak | I may be a bit late to the party, but in highschool I was hanging out with a lady friend of mine who heard that another recently acquainted lady friend deepthroated me the day before. To this day I am unclear on her reasoning, but by some sort of girl logic she wanted to prove that she was also capable.
I have never had such an awful blowjob in my life. She was just slamming her head on it, hoping for the best. Eventually my man goods decided to give up a bit of ground, allowing it to fit down her throat. Now the enthusiasm was appreciated, the teeth were not. My cock was covered in scratches and bile. Her face was covered in tears. She apologized for the fact that "I didn't nut" and we went to my closer and smoked a bowl.
Tl;dr Girl wants to blow me, turns my dick into Freddy Krueger. | I may be a bit late to the party, but in highschool I was hanging out with a lady friend of mine who heard that another recently acquainted lady friend deepthroated me the day before. To this day I am unclear on her reasoning, but by some sort of girl logic she wanted to prove that she was also capable.
I have never had such an awful blowjob in my life. She was just slamming her head on it, hoping for the best. Eventually my man goods decided to give up a bit of ground, allowing it to fit down her throat. Now the enthusiasm was appreciated, the teeth were not. My cock was covered in scratches and bile. Her face was covered in tears. She apologized for the fact that "I didn't nut" and we went to my closer and smoked a bowl.
Tl;dr Girl wants to blow me, turns my dick into Freddy Krueger.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5xprk | I may be a bit late to the party, but in highschool I was hanging out with a lady friend of mine who heard that another recently acquainted lady friend deepthroated me the day before. To this day I am unclear on her reasoning, but by some sort of girl logic she wanted to prove that she was also capable.
I have never had such an awful blowjob in my life. She was just slamming her head on it, hoping for the best. Eventually my man goods decided to give up a bit of ground, allowing it to fit down her throat. Now the enthusiasm was appreciated, the teeth were not. My cock was covered in scratches and bile. Her face was covered in tears. She apologized for the fact that "I didn't nut" and we went to my closer and smoked a bowl. | Girl wants to blow me, turns my dick into Freddy Krueger. |
govag40 | My second time ever having sex I was super hammered off cheap vodka at my older buddy's house. I was making an ass of myself, yelling at people, etc. So, this fat chick (not HUGE but a chubby) starts assisting me as I vomit my brains out. She witnesses me play with my puke in the toilet like a little kid playing in a sandbox and then says, "are you almost done? I wanna fuck." Me being blackout-drunk and being somewhat new to sex, I was all game. So, one thing led to another and I found myself railing this fat chick over the sink of my buddy's bathroom. I then got smacked in the face with a jolt of sobriety and said, "whoa, I'm sorry, I can't do this." Got my shit and left. One of my better friends made me eggs and talked to me as I tried wrapping my head around what happened.
TL;DR I got drunk and fucked a fat chick. | My second time ever having sex I was super hammered off cheap vodka at my older buddy's house. I was making an ass of myself, yelling at people, etc. So, this fat chick (not HUGE but a chubby) starts assisting me as I vomit my brains out. She witnesses me play with my puke in the toilet like a little kid playing in a sandbox and then says, "are you almost done? I wanna fuck." Me being blackout-drunk and being somewhat new to sex, I was all game. So, one thing led to another and I found myself railing this fat chick over the sink of my buddy's bathroom. I then got smacked in the face with a jolt of sobriety and said, "whoa, I'm sorry, I can't do this." Got my shit and left. One of my better friends made me eggs and talked to me as I tried wrapping my head around what happened.
TL;DR I got drunk and fucked a fat chick.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5xwfu | My second time ever having sex I was super hammered off cheap vodka at my older buddy's house. I was making an ass of myself, yelling at people, etc. So, this fat chick (not HUGE but a chubby) starts assisting me as I vomit my brains out. She witnesses me play with my puke in the toilet like a little kid playing in a sandbox and then says, "are you almost done? I wanna fuck." Me being blackout-drunk and being somewhat new to sex, I was all game. So, one thing led to another and I found myself railing this fat chick over the sink of my buddy's bathroom. I then got smacked in the face with a jolt of sobriety and said, "whoa, I'm sorry, I can't do this." Got my shit and left. One of my better friends made me eggs and talked to me as I tried wrapping my head around what happened. | I got drunk and fucked a fat chick. |
Andarne | Yep - had a UTI last year, and finally bucked up enough courage to see the doctors about it.
> Be Me - 6' 2", rather nervous man who was *not* in his comfort zone right now.
> Don't be 'Meh' Nurse - a 6/10 young trainee, who had to help with the procedure.
> Never, ever, ever be Devil's Momma - this woman is the spawn of evil; face like a bulldog.
I'm wary of doctors for a reason. I have a phobia of needles, and just generally detest the medical environment whenever I'm unfortunate enough to be there.
Unfortunately, I was desperate. For the past week I had been pissing razorblades every five minutes or so, with the occasional bloody puddle coming out. It was horrible. I'd survived cuts, bruises and broken bones - this took the biscuit.
My fiancée told me to get to the Sexual Health Clinic. You don't dare argue her word. So, reluctantly, I did. Made an appointment, and got very little sleep the night before.
The day arrives. I walk in, tell the secretary who I am, and sit down...waiting....waiting...waiting for the inevitable embarrassment to come.
> Devil's Momma (DN from now): "Mr. Andarne?"
> Me: "That's me..."
I reluctantly follow her into the room.
> DN: "What seems to be the problem?"
I explain to her my symptoms, and she just sits there. No emotion, just a stony face whilst I tell her that my junk is being shredded from the inside. Oh, traitorous body! How I hate you sometimes.
> DN: "Right, that sounds like a urinary infection - but we'll take a few swabs, then get you to submit a sample. Please get undressed, and lie on the table."
She walks out at this point, leaving me alone in that cold, scary torture chamber. I zip off my trousers *tenderly* before planting myself onto the table. I will say this, the thing was **damned** comfy.
What seems like eternity passes. Then, I hear the door open. In walks a young woman and Satan's prickly grandmother.
> DN: "This is Meh Nurse, she's in training and will be assisting me with your procedure."
> Me: "Okay...hi..."
Meh Nurse doesn't respond. *Gee, thanks for the pep talk*.
Then, I see it. The instrument that will be my downfall! The stuff of nightmares. The thing that parents warn their children of! The harbinger of doom and despair!
The stick.
> DN: "Mr Andarne, I'm going to insert this device into your urethra and take a small tissue sample. This *will* hurt a little."
She nods to the nurse, who steadies my poor, poor friend with a gloved hand. I would've thought she'd at *least* compliment the fine plumage, but no. Expressionless trainee nurse.
I close my eyes. Time flows slower. I feel sweat bead off my forehead.
The pain arrives. It is the worst sensation I could have ever imagined. Far worse than the razors I'd been giving to my toilet. I open my eyes, and see this huge Q-tip thing disappearing down my trouser-snake's mouth. Inch-by-inch it goes, until she finally stops. The pain's not as bad now, I guessed. **Wrong**. She twists it around, then whisks it out.
At this point, I will say that I cried out. Tears were shed. I was being violated in a manner most savage and strange. But it was not the end! Oh no.
> DN: "Alright, Mr Andarne. That's the first one. I know this hurts, but I'm going to take a second sample....and brace."
In it goes. The experience is repeated, and more tears are shed. Thankfully, it's the last one she requests. After this, I'm told to pull up my trousers, and go to the toilets to give a sample of urine.
Fifteen minutes later, I'm prescribed some antibiotics and sent on my way.
tl;dr - nurse stabs my junk with q-tip. Worst feeling ever. Gents, get yourselves checked. | Yep - had a UTI last year, and finally bucked up enough courage to see the doctors about it.
> Be Me - 6' 2", rather nervous man who was not in his comfort zone right now.
> Don't be 'Meh' Nurse - a 6/10 young trainee, who had to help with the procedure.
> Never, ever, ever be Devil's Momma - this woman is the spawn of evil; face like a bulldog.
I'm wary of doctors for a reason. I have a phobia of needles, and just generally detest the medical environment whenever I'm unfortunate enough to be there.
Unfortunately, I was desperate. For the past week I had been pissing razorblades every five minutes or so, with the occasional bloody puddle coming out. It was horrible. I'd survived cuts, bruises and broken bones - this took the biscuit.
My fiancée told me to get to the Sexual Health Clinic. You don't dare argue her word. So, reluctantly, I did. Made an appointment, and got very little sleep the night before.
The day arrives. I walk in, tell the secretary who I am, and sit down...waiting....waiting...waiting for the inevitable embarrassment to come.
> Devil's Momma (DN from now): "Mr. Andarne?"
> Me: "That's me..."
I reluctantly follow her into the room.
> DN: "What seems to be the problem?"
I explain to her my symptoms, and she just sits there. No emotion, just a stony face whilst I tell her that my junk is being shredded from the inside. Oh, traitorous body! How I hate you sometimes.
> DN: "Right, that sounds like a urinary infection - but we'll take a few swabs, then get you to submit a sample. Please get undressed, and lie on the table."
She walks out at this point, leaving me alone in that cold, scary torture chamber. I zip off my trousers tenderly before planting myself onto the table. I will say this, the thing was damned comfy.
What seems like eternity passes. Then, I hear the door open. In walks a young woman and Satan's prickly grandmother.
> DN: "This is Meh Nurse, she's in training and will be assisting me with your procedure."
> Me: "Okay...hi..."
Meh Nurse doesn't respond. Gee, thanks for the pep talk .
Then, I see it. The instrument that will be my downfall! The stuff of nightmares. The thing that parents warn their children of! The harbinger of doom and despair!
The stick.
> DN: "Mr Andarne, I'm going to insert this device into your urethra and take a small tissue sample. This will hurt a little."
She nods to the nurse, who steadies my poor, poor friend with a gloved hand. I would've thought she'd at least compliment the fine plumage, but no. Expressionless trainee nurse.
I close my eyes. Time flows slower. I feel sweat bead off my forehead.
The pain arrives. It is the worst sensation I could have ever imagined. Far worse than the razors I'd been giving to my toilet. I open my eyes, and see this huge Q-tip thing disappearing down my trouser-snake's mouth. Inch-by-inch it goes, until she finally stops. The pain's not as bad now, I guessed. Wrong . She twists it around, then whisks it out.
At this point, I will say that I cried out. Tears were shed. I was being violated in a manner most savage and strange. But it was not the end! Oh no.
> DN: "Alright, Mr Andarne. That's the first one. I know this hurts, but I'm going to take a second sample....and brace."
In it goes. The experience is repeated, and more tears are shed. Thankfully, it's the last one she requests. After this, I'm told to pull up my trousers, and go to the toilets to give a sample of urine.
Fifteen minutes later, I'm prescribed some antibiotics and sent on my way.
tl;dr - nurse stabs my junk with q-tip. Worst feeling ever. Gents, get yourselves checked.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5y5pr | Yep - had a UTI last year, and finally bucked up enough courage to see the doctors about it.
> Be Me - 6' 2", rather nervous man who was not in his comfort zone right now.
> Don't be 'Meh' Nurse - a 6/10 young trainee, who had to help with the procedure.
> Never, ever, ever be Devil's Momma - this woman is the spawn of evil; face like a bulldog.
I'm wary of doctors for a reason. I have a phobia of needles, and just generally detest the medical environment whenever I'm unfortunate enough to be there.
Unfortunately, I was desperate. For the past week I had been pissing razorblades every five minutes or so, with the occasional bloody puddle coming out. It was horrible. I'd survived cuts, bruises and broken bones - this took the biscuit.
My fiancée told me to get to the Sexual Health Clinic. You don't dare argue her word. So, reluctantly, I did. Made an appointment, and got very little sleep the night before.
The day arrives. I walk in, tell the secretary who I am, and sit down...waiting....waiting...waiting for the inevitable embarrassment to come.
> Devil's Momma (DN from now): "Mr. Andarne?"
> Me: "That's me..."
I reluctantly follow her into the room.
> DN: "What seems to be the problem?"
I explain to her my symptoms, and she just sits there. No emotion, just a stony face whilst I tell her that my junk is being shredded from the inside. Oh, traitorous body! How I hate you sometimes.
> DN: "Right, that sounds like a urinary infection - but we'll take a few swabs, then get you to submit a sample. Please get undressed, and lie on the table."
She walks out at this point, leaving me alone in that cold, scary torture chamber. I zip off my trousers tenderly before planting myself onto the table. I will say this, the thing was damned comfy.
What seems like eternity passes. Then, I hear the door open. In walks a young woman and Satan's prickly grandmother.
> DN: "This is Meh Nurse, she's in training and will be assisting me with your procedure."
> Me: "Okay...hi..."
Meh Nurse doesn't respond. Gee, thanks for the pep talk .
Then, I see it. The instrument that will be my downfall! The stuff of nightmares. The thing that parents warn their children of! The harbinger of doom and despair!
The stick.
> DN: "Mr Andarne, I'm going to insert this device into your urethra and take a small tissue sample. This will hurt a little."
She nods to the nurse, who steadies my poor, poor friend with a gloved hand. I would've thought she'd at least compliment the fine plumage, but no. Expressionless trainee nurse.
I close my eyes. Time flows slower. I feel sweat bead off my forehead.
The pain arrives. It is the worst sensation I could have ever imagined. Far worse than the razors I'd been giving to my toilet. I open my eyes, and see this huge Q-tip thing disappearing down my trouser-snake's mouth. Inch-by-inch it goes, until she finally stops. The pain's not as bad now, I guessed. Wrong . She twists it around, then whisks it out.
At this point, I will say that I cried out. Tears were shed. I was being violated in a manner most savage and strange. But it was not the end! Oh no.
> DN: "Alright, Mr Andarne. That's the first one. I know this hurts, but I'm going to take a second sample....and brace."
In it goes. The experience is repeated, and more tears are shed. Thankfully, it's the last one she requests. After this, I'm told to pull up my trousers, and go to the toilets to give a sample of urine.
Fifteen minutes later, I'm prescribed some antibiotics and sent on my way. | nurse stabs my junk with q-tip. Worst feeling ever. Gents, get yourselves checked. |
Yazook_Pewpew | Be 18, only ever been with one girl prior whilest at school. Friend used to own a bar and we used to go there alot, friend is sat down talking to this older lass (30s) and get up to dance, HUGE ASS on her I start talking to the other friend. Ended up going back to hers, turns out she was 32 and pretty experienced, done anything and let me do anything to her. (Before only done the boring on top position) fucked all night, asked to do her doggy then asked if I could try anal she says yes so I poke my finger up her ass and felt a round turd. Just pulled out and ignored it. (Didnt do anal that night) Don't know if I'm ashamed tho, thought it was pretty funny and told everyone.
TLDR - Went back with a women almost twice my age, fingered her ass felt a turd.
Thing I was ashamed of was going out and hooking up with a lass I used to date on and off, brought her home she left in the morning then my currently gf at the time came round. Felt pretty bad about that | Be 18, only ever been with one girl prior whilest at school. Friend used to own a bar and we used to go there alot, friend is sat down talking to this older lass (30s) and get up to dance, HUGE ASS on her I start talking to the other friend. Ended up going back to hers, turns out she was 32 and pretty experienced, done anything and let me do anything to her. (Before only done the boring on top position) fucked all night, asked to do her doggy then asked if I could try anal she says yes so I poke my finger up her ass and felt a round turd. Just pulled out and ignored it. (Didnt do anal that night) Don't know if I'm ashamed tho, thought it was pretty funny and told everyone.
TLDR - Went back with a women almost twice my age, fingered her ass felt a turd.
Thing I was ashamed of was going out and hooking up with a lass I used to date on and off, brought her home she left in the morning then my currently gf at the time came round. Felt pretty bad about that
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5ybh5 | Be 18, only ever been with one girl prior whilest at school. Friend used to own a bar and we used to go there alot, friend is sat down talking to this older lass (30s) and get up to dance, HUGE ASS on her I start talking to the other friend. Ended up going back to hers, turns out she was 32 and pretty experienced, done anything and let me do anything to her. (Before only done the boring on top position) fucked all night, asked to do her doggy then asked if I could try anal she says yes so I poke my finger up her ass and felt a round turd. Just pulled out and ignored it. (Didnt do anal that night) Don't know if I'm ashamed tho, thought it was pretty funny and told everyone. | Went back with a women almost twice my age, fingered her ass felt a turd.
Thing I was ashamed of was going out and hooking up with a lass I used to date on and off, brought her home she left in the morning then my currently gf at the time came round. Felt pretty bad about that |
JustGoingWithIt | I was around 9 or 10 when my sisters best friend started to seduce me. (We'll call her Taylor.)
She was 2 years older than me, and had known her for about 4. She was (and still is) hot as hell. She began dirty talking, and being sort of young I had no idea what she was saying.
Eventually, about 6 months in we began kissing. And she wanted me to twist her nips because it got he going. I do that. Then suddenly we are in my room. I'm not exactly sure whats going on. She is sitting on my floor. She was wearing these short blue shorts. So, just by pulling them aside, her trim would show. I began kissing it. Noticed that it had this white stuff coming out.
I looked at her and said, "Gross, theres this stuff coming out."
She went to the bathroom immediately after and cleaned up.
TLDR: Was ashamed cause I didn't know I made her 'extract' and was grossed out.
| I was around 9 or 10 when my sisters best friend started to seduce me. (We'll call her Taylor.)
She was 2 years older than me, and had known her for about 4. She was (and still is) hot as hell. She began dirty talking, and being sort of young I had no idea what she was saying.
Eventually, about 6 months in we began kissing. And she wanted me to twist her nips because it got he going. I do that. Then suddenly we are in my room. I'm not exactly sure whats going on. She is sitting on my floor. She was wearing these short blue shorts. So, just by pulling them aside, her trim would show. I began kissing it. Noticed that it had this white stuff coming out.
I looked at her and said, "Gross, theres this stuff coming out."
She went to the bathroom immediately after and cleaned up.
TLDR: Was ashamed cause I didn't know I made her 'extract' and was grossed out.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5yfsw | I was around 9 or 10 when my sisters best friend started to seduce me. (We'll call her Taylor.)
She was 2 years older than me, and had known her for about 4. She was (and still is) hot as hell. She began dirty talking, and being sort of young I had no idea what she was saying.
Eventually, about 6 months in we began kissing. And she wanted me to twist her nips because it got he going. I do that. Then suddenly we are in my room. I'm not exactly sure whats going on. She is sitting on my floor. She was wearing these short blue shorts. So, just by pulling them aside, her trim would show. I began kissing it. Noticed that it had this white stuff coming out.
I looked at her and said, "Gross, theres this stuff coming out."
She went to the bathroom immediately after and cleaned up. | Was ashamed cause I didn't know I made her 'extract' and was grossed out. |
aznnk | When I was 17 I had dated this girl on and off for about 2 years and she wanted more "excitement" in our relationship so we came up with the idea to try public sex.
We planned a trip to make our way to the river really early one morning to beat the crowd and spend the day at the cliffs(our little summer hang out spot) with some friends. The place we went was very secluded and a nice little trek to get there from where the parking lot was, we both strip down and swim across to the cliff where there was a nice little flat area where we lay down a towel. We get about 5 min in and here comes a family of 4 dad trailing behind with a small grill. All I remember hearing is the lady repeating "oh my god" over and over and over and over until she begins to scold me yelling that she's going to call the cops and that im going to hell as she chucks all of our clothes into the river
Over all Id say I didn't have the best experience with my first stab at public sex but driving 45 min in soaked everything may of had an impact.
Tl:dr tried public sex at the river, got caught, scolded, and had my clothes thrown into the river
| When I was 17 I had dated this girl on and off for about 2 years and she wanted more "excitement" in our relationship so we came up with the idea to try public sex.
We planned a trip to make our way to the river really early one morning to beat the crowd and spend the day at the cliffs(our little summer hang out spot) with some friends. The place we went was very secluded and a nice little trek to get there from where the parking lot was, we both strip down and swim across to the cliff where there was a nice little flat area where we lay down a towel. We get about 5 min in and here comes a family of 4 dad trailing behind with a small grill. All I remember hearing is the lady repeating "oh my god" over and over and over and over until she begins to scold me yelling that she's going to call the cops and that im going to hell as she chucks all of our clothes into the river
Over all Id say I didn't have the best experience with my first stab at public sex but driving 45 min in soaked everything may of had an impact.
Tl:dr tried public sex at the river, got caught, scolded, and had my clothes thrown into the river
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5yh0n | When I was 17 I had dated this girl on and off for about 2 years and she wanted more "excitement" in our relationship so we came up with the idea to try public sex.
We planned a trip to make our way to the river really early one morning to beat the crowd and spend the day at the cliffs(our little summer hang out spot) with some friends. The place we went was very secluded and a nice little trek to get there from where the parking lot was, we both strip down and swim across to the cliff where there was a nice little flat area where we lay down a towel. We get about 5 min in and here comes a family of 4 dad trailing behind with a small grill. All I remember hearing is the lady repeating "oh my god" over and over and over and over until she begins to scold me yelling that she's going to call the cops and that im going to hell as she chucks all of our clothes into the river
Over all Id say I didn't have the best experience with my first stab at public sex but driving 45 min in soaked everything may of had an impact. | tried public sex at the river, got caught, scolded, and had my clothes thrown into the river |
RememberMy_Name | I still, to this day, get shit about this from my friends..
I started drinking hard in the summer of '09 (year I graduated high school) and my entire was basically an entire binge drinking Experince. Anyways.. Fast forward to one particular night in which I had drank an entire fifth of vodka. Friend bring some girl he met on the internet who is not attractive at all. She shows up on crutches and in a knee brace.. Umm wut?? By the time I meet her I'm already pretty well lit. I can't pronounce her name and I'm making fun of her injury. Fast forward again to the part of the night where I can feel myself blacking-out..
This is where details get iffy for me, and I always tell this part EXACTLY as I remember: I go upstairs and find a bed and blackout face-first onto said bed. I remember "coming back to" and feeling a knee or elbow to the back and someone saying, "move over." I respond with, "FUCK YOU, I WAS HERE FIRST!" Then I blackout again. "Come to" and I am fingering someone and I remember muttering, "what the fuck am I doing?" Blackout again.. Then "come to" and I'm fucking this mystery bitch doggystyle. I pull out, cum on her back, and blackout again. I wake up in the morning there is no one around except myself and my buddies that own the place. So damn confused at what happened. Come to find out, some guy at the party came into the room to pass out, sees me fucking, and then tells my friend, "dude, your friend is upstairs fucking that girl you brought!" God.. I'm a shitty person.
TLDR; Got blackout drunk at a party and fucked the girl, who was on crutches, that my friend brought. Guy sees me and tells friend tht I'm fucking his date. I'm a terrible person. | I still, to this day, get shit about this from my friends..
I started drinking hard in the summer of '09 (year I graduated high school) and my entire was basically an entire binge drinking Experince. Anyways.. Fast forward to one particular night in which I had drank an entire fifth of vodka. Friend bring some girl he met on the internet who is not attractive at all. She shows up on crutches and in a knee brace.. Umm wut?? By the time I meet her I'm already pretty well lit. I can't pronounce her name and I'm making fun of her injury. Fast forward again to the part of the night where I can feel myself blacking-out..
This is where details get iffy for me, and I always tell this part EXACTLY as I remember: I go upstairs and find a bed and blackout face-first onto said bed. I remember "coming back to" and feeling a knee or elbow to the back and someone saying, "move over." I respond with, "FUCK YOU, I WAS HERE FIRST!" Then I blackout again. "Come to" and I am fingering someone and I remember muttering, "what the fuck am I doing?" Blackout again.. Then "come to" and I'm fucking this mystery bitch doggystyle. I pull out, cum on her back, and blackout again. I wake up in the morning there is no one around except myself and my buddies that own the place. So damn confused at what happened. Come to find out, some guy at the party came into the room to pass out, sees me fucking, and then tells my friend, "dude, your friend is upstairs fucking that girl you brought!" God.. I'm a shitty person.
TLDR; Got blackout drunk at a party and fucked the girl, who was on crutches, that my friend brought. Guy sees me and tells friend tht I'm fucking his date. I'm a terrible person.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5yoh9 | I still, to this day, get shit about this from my friends..
I started drinking hard in the summer of '09 (year I graduated high school) and my entire was basically an entire binge drinking Experince. Anyways.. Fast forward to one particular night in which I had drank an entire fifth of vodka. Friend bring some girl he met on the internet who is not attractive at all. She shows up on crutches and in a knee brace.. Umm wut?? By the time I meet her I'm already pretty well lit. I can't pronounce her name and I'm making fun of her injury. Fast forward again to the part of the night where I can feel myself blacking-out..
This is where details get iffy for me, and I always tell this part EXACTLY as I remember: I go upstairs and find a bed and blackout face-first onto said bed. I remember "coming back to" and feeling a knee or elbow to the back and someone saying, "move over." I respond with, "FUCK YOU, I WAS HERE FIRST!" Then I blackout again. "Come to" and I am fingering someone and I remember muttering, "what the fuck am I doing?" Blackout again.. Then "come to" and I'm fucking this mystery bitch doggystyle. I pull out, cum on her back, and blackout again. I wake up in the morning there is no one around except myself and my buddies that own the place. So damn confused at what happened. Come to find out, some guy at the party came into the room to pass out, sees me fucking, and then tells my friend, "dude, your friend is upstairs fucking that girl you brought!" God.. I'm a shitty person. | Got blackout drunk at a party and fucked the girl, who was on crutches, that my friend brought. Guy sees me and tells friend tht I'm fucking his date. I'm a terrible person. |
Durandul | I was a freshman in college and it was spring semester. I went to school 3 hours away from home, and I was attempting to keep a high school relationship together with a girl who was still a junior in high school (we had been together for 2 years or so). She ends up cheating on me and breaking up with me (it can only be described as the end of the world for me).
Now, up to this point my experience with the female anatomy had been pretty miniscule. My now ex-gf always thought she would get pregnant by fingering and oral was a rare occurrence. After the break up I got hit with some gnarly diarrhea due to my breakfast of choice shifting to fiber bars. This caused me to get some pretty wicked hemorrhoids which smelled awful when I had my pants off due to it hurting to bad to clean them.
I was friends with a female who lived in my building, and she frequently visited on Mondays when my roommate was gone all night. The Monday I was broken up with her bf had left her too. We are in my room and she is sitting on my bed crying. I am lying there because my ass feels like satan is breathing his fire breath all over my buttle and gooch. Every now and then a brief whiff of the hemorrhoids would make its way to my nose hole.
As we there, the girl (who will now be referred to as Kim) decides to cuddle up against me. Now, Kim is about a 7.5 with some nice knockers and a killer face. Her ass is pretty flat, but she looks like she can work it. As we are laying there, she starts to kiss on my neck and cheek. Feelsgoodman.jpg. I start feeling her up and playing with her hooters. She goes to pull down my pants and I try to stop her. Her reply is "oh, you tease," and she continues to unbutton my pants. In one fell swoop she pulls them off with my underwear. As she goes to play with my pee pee, the stench of the hemorrhoids becomes apparent. She tries not to gag but you can tell that she is not feeling the stench of the bundle of hemorrhoids that have taken up refuge in my ass. She starts to lower her head. I place my hand on her forehead and say "don't worry about it." She looks at me, gets up, gets dressed, and walked out of my life at that point.
TL;DR Smelly hemorrhoids are not a turn on. | I was a freshman in college and it was spring semester. I went to school 3 hours away from home, and I was attempting to keep a high school relationship together with a girl who was still a junior in high school (we had been together for 2 years or so). She ends up cheating on me and breaking up with me (it can only be described as the end of the world for me).
Now, up to this point my experience with the female anatomy had been pretty miniscule. My now ex-gf always thought she would get pregnant by fingering and oral was a rare occurrence. After the break up I got hit with some gnarly diarrhea due to my breakfast of choice shifting to fiber bars. This caused me to get some pretty wicked hemorrhoids which smelled awful when I had my pants off due to it hurting to bad to clean them.
I was friends with a female who lived in my building, and she frequently visited on Mondays when my roommate was gone all night. The Monday I was broken up with her bf had left her too. We are in my room and she is sitting on my bed crying. I am lying there because my ass feels like satan is breathing his fire breath all over my buttle and gooch. Every now and then a brief whiff of the hemorrhoids would make its way to my nose hole.
As we there, the girl (who will now be referred to as Kim) decides to cuddle up against me. Now, Kim is about a 7.5 with some nice knockers and a killer face. Her ass is pretty flat, but she looks like she can work it. As we are laying there, she starts to kiss on my neck and cheek. Feelsgoodman.jpg. I start feeling her up and playing with her hooters. She goes to pull down my pants and I try to stop her. Her reply is "oh, you tease," and she continues to unbutton my pants. In one fell swoop she pulls them off with my underwear. As she goes to play with my pee pee, the stench of the hemorrhoids becomes apparent. She tries not to gag but you can tell that she is not feeling the stench of the bundle of hemorrhoids that have taken up refuge in my ass. She starts to lower her head. I place my hand on her forehead and say "don't worry about it." She looks at me, gets up, gets dressed, and walked out of my life at that point.
TL;DR Smelly hemorrhoids are not a turn on.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5yw27 | I was a freshman in college and it was spring semester. I went to school 3 hours away from home, and I was attempting to keep a high school relationship together with a girl who was still a junior in high school (we had been together for 2 years or so). She ends up cheating on me and breaking up with me (it can only be described as the end of the world for me).
Now, up to this point my experience with the female anatomy had been pretty miniscule. My now ex-gf always thought she would get pregnant by fingering and oral was a rare occurrence. After the break up I got hit with some gnarly diarrhea due to my breakfast of choice shifting to fiber bars. This caused me to get some pretty wicked hemorrhoids which smelled awful when I had my pants off due to it hurting to bad to clean them.
I was friends with a female who lived in my building, and she frequently visited on Mondays when my roommate was gone all night. The Monday I was broken up with her bf had left her too. We are in my room and she is sitting on my bed crying. I am lying there because my ass feels like satan is breathing his fire breath all over my buttle and gooch. Every now and then a brief whiff of the hemorrhoids would make its way to my nose hole.
As we there, the girl (who will now be referred to as Kim) decides to cuddle up against me. Now, Kim is about a 7.5 with some nice knockers and a killer face. Her ass is pretty flat, but she looks like she can work it. As we are laying there, she starts to kiss on my neck and cheek. Feelsgoodman.jpg. I start feeling her up and playing with her hooters. She goes to pull down my pants and I try to stop her. Her reply is "oh, you tease," and she continues to unbutton my pants. In one fell swoop she pulls them off with my underwear. As she goes to play with my pee pee, the stench of the hemorrhoids becomes apparent. She tries not to gag but you can tell that she is not feeling the stench of the bundle of hemorrhoids that have taken up refuge in my ass. She starts to lower her head. I place my hand on her forehead and say "don't worry about it." She looks at me, gets up, gets dressed, and walked out of my life at that point. | Smelly hemorrhoids are not a turn on. |
Sammich_please | When we were about 15, my then girlfriend and I were feeling frisky. I loved getting blow jobs but she did not like the taste of it although, she did love the taste of caramel. I went to the fridge, found some caramel spread that had expired a year or two earlier gave it a good 3 seconds of contemplation and determined that no one else would use it so I stuck my dangle in put it back in the fridge and went about my business.
TL;DR stuck my dangle into expired caramel out of passion. | When we were about 15, my then girlfriend and I were feeling frisky. I loved getting blow jobs but she did not like the taste of it although, she did love the taste of caramel. I went to the fridge, found some caramel spread that had expired a year or two earlier gave it a good 3 seconds of contemplation and determined that no one else would use it so I stuck my dangle in put it back in the fridge and went about my business.
TL;DR stuck my dangle into expired caramel out of passion.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5yxr5 | When we were about 15, my then girlfriend and I were feeling frisky. I loved getting blow jobs but she did not like the taste of it although, she did love the taste of caramel. I went to the fridge, found some caramel spread that had expired a year or two earlier gave it a good 3 seconds of contemplation and determined that no one else would use it so I stuck my dangle in put it back in the fridge and went about my business. | stuck my dangle into expired caramel out of passion. |
Poopstick_of_Truth | Throwaway account here because what I'm about to divulge is fairly horrific...
So I was with my first sexual partner. Like some of you other folks, in this inexperienced relationship, her vagina was the road-less-travelled. Her hymen appeared to be made of reinforced steel, and she had no aversion to having her back passage plundered. Hell, we even got to the point where we did it with saliva rather than lube (at her request, I might add, she didn't like the "sticky feeling").
Anyway, this one time, we're going at it doggystyle with the lights off (her mother thought we were asleep and we thought it better that way). Now, a barely-lubed sphincter grabbing your meat isn't conducive to lasting very long. Teenage me watched a lot of porn, and I regularly saw the "actors" stop mid-sex to perform oral, so I decided to try and elongate the encounter by flipping her over and going down on her (for reasons that will soon become clear, it was fortunate that I focused on her vagina here; I don't eat where I've just been fucking).
Upon the conclusion of the little oral interlude, I told her that I'd probably not last that much longer. Before I could do or say anything else, she leaned forwards and went to town on my dick. Straight in her mouth, not a single shit given about the fact that it'd just been up her butt not a moment ago; to be fair she'd probably given all the shit she could, because after about half a minute, she stops and asks if I'm bleeding. Confused, I tell her that I hadn't felt anything but wouldn't know for sure in the dark. She hops up and pops the light on. My dick, and her lips, are both absolutely covered in her butt-sauce. I'd have surely smelt it a long time ago if I didn't have a blocked nose at the time. I have a fairly strong stomach, so I wasn't overly phased by it, although it was a straight-up boner kill.
She ran into the bathroom and didn't come out for half an hour, while I tried to overcome laughter-induced hiccups, clean my dick with a wet-wipe and try and "finish" with an orgasm by beating off my limp dick.
**TLDR:** My first sexual partner ate herself a mouthful of her own chocolate sauce from my man-sausage. | Throwaway account here because what I'm about to divulge is fairly horrific...
So I was with my first sexual partner. Like some of you other folks, in this inexperienced relationship, her vagina was the road-less-travelled. Her hymen appeared to be made of reinforced steel, and she had no aversion to having her back passage plundered. Hell, we even got to the point where we did it with saliva rather than lube (at her request, I might add, she didn't like the "sticky feeling").
Anyway, this one time, we're going at it doggystyle with the lights off (her mother thought we were asleep and we thought it better that way). Now, a barely-lubed sphincter grabbing your meat isn't conducive to lasting very long. Teenage me watched a lot of porn, and I regularly saw the "actors" stop mid-sex to perform oral, so I decided to try and elongate the encounter by flipping her over and going down on her (for reasons that will soon become clear, it was fortunate that I focused on her vagina here; I don't eat where I've just been fucking).
Upon the conclusion of the little oral interlude, I told her that I'd probably not last that much longer. Before I could do or say anything else, she leaned forwards and went to town on my dick. Straight in her mouth, not a single shit given about the fact that it'd just been up her butt not a moment ago; to be fair she'd probably given all the shit she could, because after about half a minute, she stops and asks if I'm bleeding. Confused, I tell her that I hadn't felt anything but wouldn't know for sure in the dark. She hops up and pops the light on. My dick, and her lips, are both absolutely covered in her butt-sauce. I'd have surely smelt it a long time ago if I didn't have a blocked nose at the time. I have a fairly strong stomach, so I wasn't overly phased by it, although it was a straight-up boner kill.
She ran into the bathroom and didn't come out for half an hour, while I tried to overcome laughter-induced hiccups, clean my dick with a wet-wipe and try and "finish" with an orgasm by beating off my limp dick.
TLDR: My first sexual partner ate herself a mouthful of her own chocolate sauce from my man-sausage.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5yzjw | Throwaway account here because what I'm about to divulge is fairly horrific...
So I was with my first sexual partner. Like some of you other folks, in this inexperienced relationship, her vagina was the road-less-travelled. Her hymen appeared to be made of reinforced steel, and she had no aversion to having her back passage plundered. Hell, we even got to the point where we did it with saliva rather than lube (at her request, I might add, she didn't like the "sticky feeling").
Anyway, this one time, we're going at it doggystyle with the lights off (her mother thought we were asleep and we thought it better that way). Now, a barely-lubed sphincter grabbing your meat isn't conducive to lasting very long. Teenage me watched a lot of porn, and I regularly saw the "actors" stop mid-sex to perform oral, so I decided to try and elongate the encounter by flipping her over and going down on her (for reasons that will soon become clear, it was fortunate that I focused on her vagina here; I don't eat where I've just been fucking).
Upon the conclusion of the little oral interlude, I told her that I'd probably not last that much longer. Before I could do or say anything else, she leaned forwards and went to town on my dick. Straight in her mouth, not a single shit given about the fact that it'd just been up her butt not a moment ago; to be fair she'd probably given all the shit she could, because after about half a minute, she stops and asks if I'm bleeding. Confused, I tell her that I hadn't felt anything but wouldn't know for sure in the dark. She hops up and pops the light on. My dick, and her lips, are both absolutely covered in her butt-sauce. I'd have surely smelt it a long time ago if I didn't have a blocked nose at the time. I have a fairly strong stomach, so I wasn't overly phased by it, although it was a straight-up boner kill.
She ran into the bathroom and didn't come out for half an hour, while I tried to overcome laughter-induced hiccups, clean my dick with a wet-wipe and try and "finish" with an orgasm by beating off my limp dick. | My first sexual partner ate herself a mouthful of her own chocolate sauce from my man-sausage. |
youmg | Last summer, I was incredibly lonely. I never had a girlfriend before and I was 18 at the time. I signed up for a dating site and soon enough, I got a message from a girl who was interested in me. We chatted for a while and I agreed to go to her friend's house where she was hanging out to spend some time with her and get to know her better. Long story short, we got drunk and high, and I ended up in bed with her and her friend. These girls were both overweight, but this was the first time I'd done anything sexual, so I was excited. The girl I got in touch with started of using her mouth to get me going, and it felt amazing. One thing led to another and the condom was on and the other girl was on top. Here's when things go south... The first girl wanted me to fuck her doggystyle and I kept almost putting it in the uh...wrong hole. I was so hammered, I had no idea what I was doing. Eventually we just gave up and the two of them fingered each other while I just sat there like an idiot with my dick out. Her friend went to bed, and I slept in bed with girl 1. As soon as I woke up the next morning, I made an excuse and bolted, realizing I made this decision based on feeling really lonely. Neither of these girls were my type, and now I regret the whole thing. This has still been my only sexual experience.
TL;DR: Met a girl on a dating site, got drunk and high, had "sex" with her and her friend, realized I was too drunk and awful at sexy things. We went to bed and I woke up with sadness and regret. | Last summer, I was incredibly lonely. I never had a girlfriend before and I was 18 at the time. I signed up for a dating site and soon enough, I got a message from a girl who was interested in me. We chatted for a while and I agreed to go to her friend's house where she was hanging out to spend some time with her and get to know her better. Long story short, we got drunk and high, and I ended up in bed with her and her friend. These girls were both overweight, but this was the first time I'd done anything sexual, so I was excited. The girl I got in touch with started of using her mouth to get me going, and it felt amazing. One thing led to another and the condom was on and the other girl was on top. Here's when things go south... The first girl wanted me to fuck her doggystyle and I kept almost putting it in the uh...wrong hole. I was so hammered, I had no idea what I was doing. Eventually we just gave up and the two of them fingered each other while I just sat there like an idiot with my dick out. Her friend went to bed, and I slept in bed with girl 1. As soon as I woke up the next morning, I made an excuse and bolted, realizing I made this decision based on feeling really lonely. Neither of these girls were my type, and now I regret the whole thing. This has still been my only sexual experience.
TL;DR: Met a girl on a dating site, got drunk and high, had "sex" with her and her friend, realized I was too drunk and awful at sexy things. We went to bed and I woke up with sadness and regret.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5z4x6 | Last summer, I was incredibly lonely. I never had a girlfriend before and I was 18 at the time. I signed up for a dating site and soon enough, I got a message from a girl who was interested in me. We chatted for a while and I agreed to go to her friend's house where she was hanging out to spend some time with her and get to know her better. Long story short, we got drunk and high, and I ended up in bed with her and her friend. These girls were both overweight, but this was the first time I'd done anything sexual, so I was excited. The girl I got in touch with started of using her mouth to get me going, and it felt amazing. One thing led to another and the condom was on and the other girl was on top. Here's when things go south... The first girl wanted me to fuck her doggystyle and I kept almost putting it in the uh...wrong hole. I was so hammered, I had no idea what I was doing. Eventually we just gave up and the two of them fingered each other while I just sat there like an idiot with my dick out. Her friend went to bed, and I slept in bed with girl 1. As soon as I woke up the next morning, I made an excuse and bolted, realizing I made this decision based on feeling really lonely. Neither of these girls were my type, and now I regret the whole thing. This has still been my only sexual experience. | Met a girl on a dating site, got drunk and high, had "sex" with her and her friend, realized I was too drunk and awful at sexy things. We went to bed and I woke up with sadness and regret. |
BilliamMccountng | The summer of my 21st, I was going through a terrible slump with loneliness and depression. A perfect storm of breaking up with a long term girlfriend and then realizing I have no idea how to really pick girls up when going downtown. During a weak moment, I hit up craigslist personals to see what can be found there.
After posting a few ads, I hear from a older couple, in their fifties, that want me to have a threesome with them. They want to meet up first and have dinner. I grab my balls and nut up thinking this will be one crazy experience for the books and go out to dinner with them. The entire time, I have to respond to the fake name I gave them on cl (which just was awkward.) She is cute, fit milf. At least a 7 if not 7.5. He is some fat, creepy looking, truck driver guy. Over dinner, we just talk about life. I explain some of the shitty relationships I've had. They talk about their family and how the met. Pretty boring, but I was so anxious the entire time.
Dinner finishes and they tell me their kids are out until tomorrow, so they want to play now. Nervous, I agree and follow them out to their farmhouse. It was a good 30 min drive from the city I live in. We go down in their basement, have a few beers, smoke a few cigs. After more awkward conversation, we head into their bedroom. They said the hardest part is getting naked. Awkwardly, we all just drop our clothes.
I'm getting pretty hard through all of this, despite how uncertain I was about the whole thing. She spots this and immediately asks if she can give me a blowjob. I get comfy on the bed and she starts going to town. Her husband just stares at me with these hungry eyes and eventually asks if he can suck on it too. I was not too comfortable with that but agree anyways. I now have a married couple, old enough to be my parents, giving me a blowjob. He gets uncomfortable and decides to stop but she keeps going.
Turns into the best blowjob of my young life so far. She kept teasing me, stopping to tell me how much she enjoys the taste. It felt like eternity, but probably was 30 seconds, but I cum buckets in her mouth. Now, they want me to have actual sex and I am beat from the bj! He starts pounding her and I take a minute to try and get it back up. I'm getting really nervous. They start asking me if anything is wrong and I try to play it cool and go in half hard. I go limp after a bit, being too nervous yet. I tell them I forgot I have to meet a friend, get dressed really quick and run out of there.
TL;DR Had a threesome with a married couple 30yrs my senior. Best bj of my life, but cam too soon and couldn't recover.
The next few days after, they keep emailing me, apologizing for scaring me off. She sends me TONS of nude pics, saying she wants just me and wants to start seeing me without her husband. I never responded and to this day, am confused as to what the fuck.
| The summer of my 21st, I was going through a terrible slump with loneliness and depression. A perfect storm of breaking up with a long term girlfriend and then realizing I have no idea how to really pick girls up when going downtown. During a weak moment, I hit up craigslist personals to see what can be found there.
After posting a few ads, I hear from a older couple, in their fifties, that want me to have a threesome with them. They want to meet up first and have dinner. I grab my balls and nut up thinking this will be one crazy experience for the books and go out to dinner with them. The entire time, I have to respond to the fake name I gave them on cl (which just was awkward.) She is cute, fit milf. At least a 7 if not 7.5. He is some fat, creepy looking, truck driver guy. Over dinner, we just talk about life. I explain some of the shitty relationships I've had. They talk about their family and how the met. Pretty boring, but I was so anxious the entire time.
Dinner finishes and they tell me their kids are out until tomorrow, so they want to play now. Nervous, I agree and follow them out to their farmhouse. It was a good 30 min drive from the city I live in. We go down in their basement, have a few beers, smoke a few cigs. After more awkward conversation, we head into their bedroom. They said the hardest part is getting naked. Awkwardly, we all just drop our clothes.
I'm getting pretty hard through all of this, despite how uncertain I was about the whole thing. She spots this and immediately asks if she can give me a blowjob. I get comfy on the bed and she starts going to town. Her husband just stares at me with these hungry eyes and eventually asks if he can suck on it too. I was not too comfortable with that but agree anyways. I now have a married couple, old enough to be my parents, giving me a blowjob. He gets uncomfortable and decides to stop but she keeps going.
Turns into the best blowjob of my young life so far. She kept teasing me, stopping to tell me how much she enjoys the taste. It felt like eternity, but probably was 30 seconds, but I cum buckets in her mouth. Now, they want me to have actual sex and I am beat from the bj! He starts pounding her and I take a minute to try and get it back up. I'm getting really nervous. They start asking me if anything is wrong and I try to play it cool and go in half hard. I go limp after a bit, being too nervous yet. I tell them I forgot I have to meet a friend, get dressed really quick and run out of there.
TL;DR Had a threesome with a married couple 30yrs my senior. Best bj of my life, but cam too soon and couldn't recover.
The next few days after, they keep emailing me, apologizing for scaring me off. She sends me TONS of nude pics, saying she wants just me and wants to start seeing me without her husband. I never responded and to this day, am confused as to what the fuck.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5z680 | The summer of my 21st, I was going through a terrible slump with loneliness and depression. A perfect storm of breaking up with a long term girlfriend and then realizing I have no idea how to really pick girls up when going downtown. During a weak moment, I hit up craigslist personals to see what can be found there.
After posting a few ads, I hear from a older couple, in their fifties, that want me to have a threesome with them. They want to meet up first and have dinner. I grab my balls and nut up thinking this will be one crazy experience for the books and go out to dinner with them. The entire time, I have to respond to the fake name I gave them on cl (which just was awkward.) She is cute, fit milf. At least a 7 if not 7.5. He is some fat, creepy looking, truck driver guy. Over dinner, we just talk about life. I explain some of the shitty relationships I've had. They talk about their family and how the met. Pretty boring, but I was so anxious the entire time.
Dinner finishes and they tell me their kids are out until tomorrow, so they want to play now. Nervous, I agree and follow them out to their farmhouse. It was a good 30 min drive from the city I live in. We go down in their basement, have a few beers, smoke a few cigs. After more awkward conversation, we head into their bedroom. They said the hardest part is getting naked. Awkwardly, we all just drop our clothes.
I'm getting pretty hard through all of this, despite how uncertain I was about the whole thing. She spots this and immediately asks if she can give me a blowjob. I get comfy on the bed and she starts going to town. Her husband just stares at me with these hungry eyes and eventually asks if he can suck on it too. I was not too comfortable with that but agree anyways. I now have a married couple, old enough to be my parents, giving me a blowjob. He gets uncomfortable and decides to stop but she keeps going.
Turns into the best blowjob of my young life so far. She kept teasing me, stopping to tell me how much she enjoys the taste. It felt like eternity, but probably was 30 seconds, but I cum buckets in her mouth. Now, they want me to have actual sex and I am beat from the bj! He starts pounding her and I take a minute to try and get it back up. I'm getting really nervous. They start asking me if anything is wrong and I try to play it cool and go in half hard. I go limp after a bit, being too nervous yet. I tell them I forgot I have to meet a friend, get dressed really quick and run out of there. | Had a threesome with a married couple 30yrs my senior. Best bj of my life, but cam too soon and couldn't recover.
The next few days after, they keep emailing me, apologizing for scaring me off. She sends me TONS of nude pics, saying she wants just me and wants to start seeing me without her husband. I never responded and to this day, am confused as to what the fuck. |
FifthOfJameson | Met a girl at my buddy's grad party. Made out with girl at grad party. Her birthday party was a week later. Drank my face off. Tried to give her birthday sex and lose my virginity. Ground control to Major Tom... no response. Worst case of whiskey dick I've ever experienced.
tl;dr: Gave a girl blue balls (ovaries?) on her birthday. | Met a girl at my buddy's grad party. Made out with girl at grad party. Her birthday party was a week later. Drank my face off. Tried to give her birthday sex and lose my virginity. Ground control to Major Tom... no response. Worst case of whiskey dick I've ever experienced.
tl;dr: Gave a girl blue balls (ovaries?) on her birthday.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5zfjs | Met a girl at my buddy's grad party. Made out with girl at grad party. Her birthday party was a week later. Drank my face off. Tried to give her birthday sex and lose my virginity. Ground control to Major Tom... no response. Worst case of whiskey dick I've ever experienced. | Gave a girl blue balls (ovaries?) on her birthday. |
Stabbing_Regret | I had a girl who I had been flirting back ad forth with back in college and after a couple of lunch dates I invited her to a party at my place. We had a grand time for most of the night, but I ended up drinking myself into oblivion and blacked out. When I came back around I was naked, thrusting on top of her on the mattress on the floor of our spare room. I thought to myself "alright, well done my man," but something didn't feel quite right, and I looked down to discover that her panties were still on and I was trying to thrust myself through them. Shortly after I remedied this situation, I felt an urge not uncommon to those who drink till blackout, so I stopped everything cold without saying a word, and ran to the bathroom to spew my guts in the sink. When I finished I gargled with some water, wipe my mouth an returned to the mattress, where I sat with my head in my hands for a few minutes to counter some spins before I remounted. How I managed to stay up throughout this ordeal I'll never know, but when I finally finished I rolled over and immediately passed out.
We woke up the next morning and cuddled for a while, had some nice pillow talk and went for a quick breakfast before I dropped her off at her place - a pleasant morning. My friends and I later had a good laugh about what was undoubtedly the sloppiest sex I have ever had.
What I am ashamed about is that for mostly circumstantial reasons, we ended up never seeing each other again, and I have completely lost the ability to contact her now. Looking back on it later, I realized the look on her face the whole time was one of restrained displeasure, and as more memory of the night came back to me, I think she had been, at the very least, hesitant for things to progress as I pressured her further. It has haunted me for years and even kept me up a few times - I feel like an absolute monster for possibly coercing this lovely girl into terrible sex that she may not have wanted.
TL;DR: super sloppy sex with a mid session puke break on a dirty floor mattress that was possibly borderline rape. I'm a piece of shit. | I had a girl who I had been flirting back ad forth with back in college and after a couple of lunch dates I invited her to a party at my place. We had a grand time for most of the night, but I ended up drinking myself into oblivion and blacked out. When I came back around I was naked, thrusting on top of her on the mattress on the floor of our spare room. I thought to myself "alright, well done my man," but something didn't feel quite right, and I looked down to discover that her panties were still on and I was trying to thrust myself through them. Shortly after I remedied this situation, I felt an urge not uncommon to those who drink till blackout, so I stopped everything cold without saying a word, and ran to the bathroom to spew my guts in the sink. When I finished I gargled with some water, wipe my mouth an returned to the mattress, where I sat with my head in my hands for a few minutes to counter some spins before I remounted. How I managed to stay up throughout this ordeal I'll never know, but when I finally finished I rolled over and immediately passed out.
We woke up the next morning and cuddled for a while, had some nice pillow talk and went for a quick breakfast before I dropped her off at her place - a pleasant morning. My friends and I later had a good laugh about what was undoubtedly the sloppiest sex I have ever had.
What I am ashamed about is that for mostly circumstantial reasons, we ended up never seeing each other again, and I have completely lost the ability to contact her now. Looking back on it later, I realized the look on her face the whole time was one of restrained displeasure, and as more memory of the night came back to me, I think she had been, at the very least, hesitant for things to progress as I pressured her further. It has haunted me for years and even kept me up a few times - I feel like an absolute monster for possibly coercing this lovely girl into terrible sex that she may not have wanted.
TL;DR: super sloppy sex with a mid session puke break on a dirty floor mattress that was possibly borderline rape. I'm a piece of shit.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5zhcm | I had a girl who I had been flirting back ad forth with back in college and after a couple of lunch dates I invited her to a party at my place. We had a grand time for most of the night, but I ended up drinking myself into oblivion and blacked out. When I came back around I was naked, thrusting on top of her on the mattress on the floor of our spare room. I thought to myself "alright, well done my man," but something didn't feel quite right, and I looked down to discover that her panties were still on and I was trying to thrust myself through them. Shortly after I remedied this situation, I felt an urge not uncommon to those who drink till blackout, so I stopped everything cold without saying a word, and ran to the bathroom to spew my guts in the sink. When I finished I gargled with some water, wipe my mouth an returned to the mattress, where I sat with my head in my hands for a few minutes to counter some spins before I remounted. How I managed to stay up throughout this ordeal I'll never know, but when I finally finished I rolled over and immediately passed out.
We woke up the next morning and cuddled for a while, had some nice pillow talk and went for a quick breakfast before I dropped her off at her place - a pleasant morning. My friends and I later had a good laugh about what was undoubtedly the sloppiest sex I have ever had.
What I am ashamed about is that for mostly circumstantial reasons, we ended up never seeing each other again, and I have completely lost the ability to contact her now. Looking back on it later, I realized the look on her face the whole time was one of restrained displeasure, and as more memory of the night came back to me, I think she had been, at the very least, hesitant for things to progress as I pressured her further. It has haunted me for years and even kept me up a few times - I feel like an absolute monster for possibly coercing this lovely girl into terrible sex that she may not have wanted. | super sloppy sex with a mid session puke break on a dirty floor mattress that was possibly borderline rape. I'm a piece of shit. |
Githon | Went to a bar with some buddies, just a normal after work couple of drinks. When we get ready to order I decide I am in a mood and forgo anykind of "social" drink and just start with and continue on straight Cuervo Shots. By the end of the evening I find myself at home with a tight little spanish girl, who is very good at everything I wanted to do that night. I wake up in the morning, she had left but left a note to come by pizza hut that evening, (she is a waitress) to say hi and such. My roommate and I head out for dinner to meet up with my tight little spanish girl. I looked all over pizza hut and didn't notice anyone i recognized. Near the end of our meal, a round mound of anything but tight, comes up and says hello and introduces herself to my roommate. I should have bailed then, but hey having a fuck buddy close to a bar is a good thing right?
TL:DR - Taquila shots are bad....bad. | Went to a bar with some buddies, just a normal after work couple of drinks. When we get ready to order I decide I am in a mood and forgo anykind of "social" drink and just start with and continue on straight Cuervo Shots. By the end of the evening I find myself at home with a tight little spanish girl, who is very good at everything I wanted to do that night. I wake up in the morning, she had left but left a note to come by pizza hut that evening, (she is a waitress) to say hi and such. My roommate and I head out for dinner to meet up with my tight little spanish girl. I looked all over pizza hut and didn't notice anyone i recognized. Near the end of our meal, a round mound of anything but tight, comes up and says hello and introduces herself to my roommate. I should have bailed then, but hey having a fuck buddy close to a bar is a good thing right?
TL:DR - Taquila shots are bad....bad.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5zjj4 | Went to a bar with some buddies, just a normal after work couple of drinks. When we get ready to order I decide I am in a mood and forgo anykind of "social" drink and just start with and continue on straight Cuervo Shots. By the end of the evening I find myself at home with a tight little spanish girl, who is very good at everything I wanted to do that night. I wake up in the morning, she had left but left a note to come by pizza hut that evening, (she is a waitress) to say hi and such. My roommate and I head out for dinner to meet up with my tight little spanish girl. I looked all over pizza hut and didn't notice anyone i recognized. Near the end of our meal, a round mound of anything but tight, comes up and says hello and introduces herself to my roommate. I should have bailed then, but hey having a fuck buddy close to a bar is a good thing right? | Taquila shots are bad....bad. |
Webonics | This is the truth. Once I was going down on my old lady while she was drunk, and she flexed her belly to reposition her waist, and let out a huge fart. Mind you, she never passes gas in front of me, at least not audibly. I think she goes to the restroom or some such.
I sat up, thoughtfully considered all of the insane weird sex she lets me do to her, and moved passed it.
There's also the added benefit that I get to check "Have a hot naked chick blast a massive fart in your face from close proximity" off my fuck-it list.
tl;dr: Tried it once, it was okay. | This is the truth. Once I was going down on my old lady while she was drunk, and she flexed her belly to reposition her waist, and let out a huge fart. Mind you, she never passes gas in front of me, at least not audibly. I think she goes to the restroom or some such.
I sat up, thoughtfully considered all of the insane weird sex she lets me do to her, and moved passed it.
There's also the added benefit that I get to check "Have a hot naked chick blast a massive fart in your face from close proximity" off my fuck-it list.
tl;dr: Tried it once, it was okay.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5zrub | This is the truth. Once I was going down on my old lady while she was drunk, and she flexed her belly to reposition her waist, and let out a huge fart. Mind you, she never passes gas in front of me, at least not audibly. I think she goes to the restroom or some such.
I sat up, thoughtfully considered all of the insane weird sex she lets me do to her, and moved passed it.
There's also the added benefit that I get to check "Have a hot naked chick blast a massive fart in your face from close proximity" off my fuck-it list. | Tried it once, it was okay. |
buhelicopters | When I was a teenager I wanted to make my own pocket pussy. I grabbed the closest thing that resembled one - a French baguette. I put duct tape around it to hold the outsides tight to make it feel as real as possible. Then, I removed part of the inside and added a lot of ketchup and hand lotion to make it moist - the combo smelled like butthole. Finally, I microwaved it for a couple seconds to make the inside warm. It was really disappointing and a low point in my sex life.
TL;DR - made a disappointing homemade pocket pussy as a teenager | When I was a teenager I wanted to make my own pocket pussy. I grabbed the closest thing that resembled one - a French baguette. I put duct tape around it to hold the outsides tight to make it feel as real as possible. Then, I removed part of the inside and added a lot of ketchup and hand lotion to make it moist - the combo smelled like butthole. Finally, I microwaved it for a couple seconds to make the inside warm. It was really disappointing and a low point in my sex life.
TL;DR - made a disappointing homemade pocket pussy as a teenager
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5zurl | When I was a teenager I wanted to make my own pocket pussy. I grabbed the closest thing that resembled one - a French baguette. I put duct tape around it to hold the outsides tight to make it feel as real as possible. Then, I removed part of the inside and added a lot of ketchup and hand lotion to make it moist - the combo smelled like butthole. Finally, I microwaved it for a couple seconds to make the inside warm. It was really disappointing and a low point in my sex life. | made a disappointing homemade pocket pussy as a teenager |
saltytroll | Couple of years ago I was masturbating using my desktop computer. Normally I'm on my bed with my phone or laptop as it's much easier to hide. Now my stairs in my house are really creaky so you can hear someone coming as soon as they hit the first step, especially my mum who just stamps on up them like she-hulk. So I'm jerking it, and even if I don't hear the first stair I notice half way around, except this time I'm too into it and I'm so close. Cue mum opening door. I freak and do the only thing I know what to do. I jump off the chair and aim for the door. Now my hand is still on my dick and my other trying to pull my pants up for a quick plan B. Fortunately and unfortunately plan A works I use my head and torso to slam into the door and close it, using some excuse like I fell, but as I hit the ground the action caused me to get in that one last stroke. I came everywhere. Clothes, floor, wall and door. I was lucky I missed my face. Worst part was I also got a concussion from it. I didn't tell my mum and had to suffer school with a concussion for about a week.
TL;DR- Wacking off, door opens, uses head and body to close door, cum's everywhere, gains concussion. | Couple of years ago I was masturbating using my desktop computer. Normally I'm on my bed with my phone or laptop as it's much easier to hide. Now my stairs in my house are really creaky so you can hear someone coming as soon as they hit the first step, especially my mum who just stamps on up them like she-hulk. So I'm jerking it, and even if I don't hear the first stair I notice half way around, except this time I'm too into it and I'm so close. Cue mum opening door. I freak and do the only thing I know what to do. I jump off the chair and aim for the door. Now my hand is still on my dick and my other trying to pull my pants up for a quick plan B. Fortunately and unfortunately plan A works I use my head and torso to slam into the door and close it, using some excuse like I fell, but as I hit the ground the action caused me to get in that one last stroke. I came everywhere. Clothes, floor, wall and door. I was lucky I missed my face. Worst part was I also got a concussion from it. I didn't tell my mum and had to suffer school with a concussion for about a week.
TL;DR- Wacking off, door opens, uses head and body to close door, cum's everywhere, gains concussion.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6040i | Couple of years ago I was masturbating using my desktop computer. Normally I'm on my bed with my phone or laptop as it's much easier to hide. Now my stairs in my house are really creaky so you can hear someone coming as soon as they hit the first step, especially my mum who just stamps on up them like she-hulk. So I'm jerking it, and even if I don't hear the first stair I notice half way around, except this time I'm too into it and I'm so close. Cue mum opening door. I freak and do the only thing I know what to do. I jump off the chair and aim for the door. Now my hand is still on my dick and my other trying to pull my pants up for a quick plan B. Fortunately and unfortunately plan A works I use my head and torso to slam into the door and close it, using some excuse like I fell, but as I hit the ground the action caused me to get in that one last stroke. I came everywhere. Clothes, floor, wall and door. I was lucky I missed my face. Worst part was I also got a concussion from it. I didn't tell my mum and had to suffer school with a concussion for about a week. | Wacking off, door opens, uses head and body to close door, cum's everywhere, gains concussion. |
am-i-rite-ladies | My ex-boyfriend wanted to try some anal play with me and he was going to town.
Well, half-way through and just kinda stops and gets up and walks out. I called after him and he said "Hold on, I gotta pee."
So I just kinda sit there and get dressed and he comes back and asks me to sit on my bed.
So I do, thinking whatever he is doing is really strange, and he just asks me to get on all fours and let him inspect me.
Which, in my opinion, was a weird way to say "let me go back to town" so I didn't think much of it.
Finally, he stops and goes "You have pinworms" really abruptly.
TL;DR Ex goes to town on my anus, finds out I have pinworms. | My ex-boyfriend wanted to try some anal play with me and he was going to town.
Well, half-way through and just kinda stops and gets up and walks out. I called after him and he said "Hold on, I gotta pee."
So I just kinda sit there and get dressed and he comes back and asks me to sit on my bed.
So I do, thinking whatever he is doing is really strange, and he just asks me to get on all fours and let him inspect me.
Which, in my opinion, was a weird way to say "let me go back to town" so I didn't think much of it.
Finally, he stops and goes "You have pinworms" really abruptly.
TL;DR Ex goes to town on my anus, finds out I have pinworms.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch60cgz | My ex-boyfriend wanted to try some anal play with me and he was going to town.
Well, half-way through and just kinda stops and gets up and walks out. I called after him and he said "Hold on, I gotta pee."
So I just kinda sit there and get dressed and he comes back and asks me to sit on my bed.
So I do, thinking whatever he is doing is really strange, and he just asks me to get on all fours and let him inspect me.
Which, in my opinion, was a weird way to say "let me go back to town" so I didn't think much of it.
Finally, he stops and goes "You have pinworms" really abruptly. | Ex goes to town on my anus, finds out I have pinworms. |
myrealnamewastakn | It would be my first(kind of). I was 11 when this happened. My neighbor was having a birthday party and she decided she wanted a luau theme. It was night with tiki torches and we set tents up for a spend the night party(yes, with mixed genders). Our parents stayed out for the cake and presents but eventually went back to their own houses. One of the people she invited was a girl whom had just moved in across the street a month earlier. She was 2 years older than me and her family moved a lot because her father was in the military. I don't remember exactly what led up to it but somehow I ended up alone in a tent with her. She asked me, "Do you dare me to strip for you?" I was completely shocked and just kind of half nodded yes. I still remember how nervous she looked. She clumsily did little dance moves and took off her shirt and bra. I just sat there dumbfounded too shocked and stunned to say anything or move. She sat there expecting a response. I remember how vulnerable she looked waiting for encouragement or acceptance (That's a retrospective interpretation. My 11 year old mind didn't see that but I very vividly remember the event). Instead I bolted out of the tent and ran straight to everyone else and told them what a great thing she did for me. I feel slightly embarrassed that I was too immature to consider staying and enjoying or broadening the experience but mostly I feel so bad about how awful I must have made her feel. I was such an idiot. She moved away around 6 months later (I'm sure she was thankful) and I have no idea what happened to her. There's no way I could apologize enough.
TL;DR: Slightly older girl stripped for me when I was 11 and the first thing I did when she was done was run out of the room and tell everyone. I was such an idiot. | It would be my first(kind of). I was 11 when this happened. My neighbor was having a birthday party and she decided she wanted a luau theme. It was night with tiki torches and we set tents up for a spend the night party(yes, with mixed genders). Our parents stayed out for the cake and presents but eventually went back to their own houses. One of the people she invited was a girl whom had just moved in across the street a month earlier. She was 2 years older than me and her family moved a lot because her father was in the military. I don't remember exactly what led up to it but somehow I ended up alone in a tent with her. She asked me, "Do you dare me to strip for you?" I was completely shocked and just kind of half nodded yes. I still remember how nervous she looked. She clumsily did little dance moves and took off her shirt and bra. I just sat there dumbfounded too shocked and stunned to say anything or move. She sat there expecting a response. I remember how vulnerable she looked waiting for encouragement or acceptance (That's a retrospective interpretation. My 11 year old mind didn't see that but I very vividly remember the event). Instead I bolted out of the tent and ran straight to everyone else and told them what a great thing she did for me. I feel slightly embarrassed that I was too immature to consider staying and enjoying or broadening the experience but mostly I feel so bad about how awful I must have made her feel. I was such an idiot. She moved away around 6 months later (I'm sure she was thankful) and I have no idea what happened to her. There's no way I could apologize enough.
TL;DR: Slightly older girl stripped for me when I was 11 and the first thing I did when she was done was run out of the room and tell everyone. I was such an idiot.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch60g1b | It would be my first(kind of). I was 11 when this happened. My neighbor was having a birthday party and she decided she wanted a luau theme. It was night with tiki torches and we set tents up for a spend the night party(yes, with mixed genders). Our parents stayed out for the cake and presents but eventually went back to their own houses. One of the people she invited was a girl whom had just moved in across the street a month earlier. She was 2 years older than me and her family moved a lot because her father was in the military. I don't remember exactly what led up to it but somehow I ended up alone in a tent with her. She asked me, "Do you dare me to strip for you?" I was completely shocked and just kind of half nodded yes. I still remember how nervous she looked. She clumsily did little dance moves and took off her shirt and bra. I just sat there dumbfounded too shocked and stunned to say anything or move. She sat there expecting a response. I remember how vulnerable she looked waiting for encouragement or acceptance (That's a retrospective interpretation. My 11 year old mind didn't see that but I very vividly remember the event). Instead I bolted out of the tent and ran straight to everyone else and told them what a great thing she did for me. I feel slightly embarrassed that I was too immature to consider staying and enjoying or broadening the experience but mostly I feel so bad about how awful I must have made her feel. I was such an idiot. She moved away around 6 months later (I'm sure she was thankful) and I have no idea what happened to her. There's no way I could apologize enough. | Slightly older girl stripped for me when I was 11 and the first thing I did when she was done was run out of the room and tell everyone. I was such an idiot. |
The_Man_in_Black_ | So when I was probably 14 I was sitting down at the computer jacking off. My load came quicker than expected so I grasped the base of my dick to try and stop myself from making a huge nasty mess on the family computer. However shifting to go get a tissue plus the pressure build up was more a force than my hand. I ended up shooting a load right onto my chin. Thankfully I was spared getting any in my mouth, but still it was a very confusing and shameful moment.
TL;DR I accidentally gave myself a facial. | So when I was probably 14 I was sitting down at the computer jacking off. My load came quicker than expected so I grasped the base of my dick to try and stop myself from making a huge nasty mess on the family computer. However shifting to go get a tissue plus the pressure build up was more a force than my hand. I ended up shooting a load right onto my chin. Thankfully I was spared getting any in my mouth, but still it was a very confusing and shameful moment.
TL;DR I accidentally gave myself a facial.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch60maq | So when I was probably 14 I was sitting down at the computer jacking off. My load came quicker than expected so I grasped the base of my dick to try and stop myself from making a huge nasty mess on the family computer. However shifting to go get a tissue plus the pressure build up was more a force than my hand. I ended up shooting a load right onto my chin. Thankfully I was spared getting any in my mouth, but still it was a very confusing and shameful moment. | I accidentally gave myself a facial. |
we-may-never-know | I spent two years in a relationship where I realized (on my own) that I didn't even know how to get it in.
I dated this girl for a couple years in HS. I was a virgin, she was not. When I muster up the courage to finally get nekkid with her, I last all of 5 seconds. We were watching Aliens vs Predator.
Anyways, I spent the next two years with her. God, she was boring. We only ever tried all of two positions. Missionary and cowgirl. The realization came when she was on top, and I was grabbing her ass. I felt my dick brush up against my fingers. I moved my hand in a position to reaffirm my suspicions and I was right. She didn't even get my dick in when she was on top. But never the less, she was going to town.
Now, I had never known what it felt like, so I have an excuse, but she wasn't a virgin, plus I'm pretty sure one would know whether or not a dick was inside of you.
I ended up breaking up with her and she turned out to be crazy.
**TL;DR Spent two years naked humping with my ex** | I spent two years in a relationship where I realized (on my own) that I didn't even know how to get it in.
I dated this girl for a couple years in HS. I was a virgin, she was not. When I muster up the courage to finally get nekkid with her, I last all of 5 seconds. We were watching Aliens vs Predator.
Anyways, I spent the next two years with her. God, she was boring. We only ever tried all of two positions. Missionary and cowgirl. The realization came when she was on top, and I was grabbing her ass. I felt my dick brush up against my fingers. I moved my hand in a position to reaffirm my suspicions and I was right. She didn't even get my dick in when she was on top. But never the less, she was going to town.
Now, I had never known what it felt like, so I have an excuse, but she wasn't a virgin, plus I'm pretty sure one would know whether or not a dick was inside of you.
I ended up breaking up with her and she turned out to be crazy.
TL;DR Spent two years naked humping with my ex
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch61ebk | I spent two years in a relationship where I realized (on my own) that I didn't even know how to get it in.
I dated this girl for a couple years in HS. I was a virgin, she was not. When I muster up the courage to finally get nekkid with her, I last all of 5 seconds. We were watching Aliens vs Predator.
Anyways, I spent the next two years with her. God, she was boring. We only ever tried all of two positions. Missionary and cowgirl. The realization came when she was on top, and I was grabbing her ass. I felt my dick brush up against my fingers. I moved my hand in a position to reaffirm my suspicions and I was right. She didn't even get my dick in when she was on top. But never the less, she was going to town.
Now, I had never known what it felt like, so I have an excuse, but she wasn't a virgin, plus I'm pretty sure one would know whether or not a dick was inside of you.
I ended up breaking up with her and she turned out to be crazy. | Spent two years naked humping with my ex |
pinklad | Hope I'm not too late. My boyfriend at the time and I began dating again. We dated for two weeks in sophomore year. It's been a week and he just got back from where he was stationed in the military to spend a weekend with me. He calls me at two in the morning and asked me to come over his grandparents place where he was staying. So I sneak out and go to him with hopes of doing the naughty. When I get there, he's wearing a sleeveless shirt and showing off his muscular arms and chest. Obviously I am turned on more and we go for it. He shoved his tongue in my mouth and goes crazy! Not the good hot kind of crazy; it felt like a weed whacker. I didn't say anything and just moaned to please him. Then he told me to put him inside me, which surprised me because he told me he had sex before. I shrugged it off and guided his shaft into me. He pumped away and there was a mixture of high pitch moaning and grunting and dirty talk. None of which were mine. I was stuck buried under him, trying to breath. And then, out of the blue, he asked me if I love him. He started to confess that he has been in love with me since eighth grade and he was still in love me. We barely talked in eighth grade and we barely talked after I ended it the first time. Mind you, he is still pumping away as he continued to ask me if I love him. I told him I do love him and I have always loved him. I kinda felt forced to say it because of the moment. He then goes harder and started calling me a bitch and blaming me for him joining the military. The bitch part I didn't mind since I felt like one for telling him I loved him when I really didnt; I just wanted sex. He finished and we cuddled. The ten minutes of relaxing silence is broken with "I lied. I didn't have sex before. You're my first." Imagine that shit.
TL; DR - Ex and I got back together. Had sex. During sex he confessed his love to me and I lied about my feelings to him. After sex, he tells me I took his virginity. | Hope I'm not too late. My boyfriend at the time and I began dating again. We dated for two weeks in sophomore year. It's been a week and he just got back from where he was stationed in the military to spend a weekend with me. He calls me at two in the morning and asked me to come over his grandparents place where he was staying. So I sneak out and go to him with hopes of doing the naughty. When I get there, he's wearing a sleeveless shirt and showing off his muscular arms and chest. Obviously I am turned on more and we go for it. He shoved his tongue in my mouth and goes crazy! Not the good hot kind of crazy; it felt like a weed whacker. I didn't say anything and just moaned to please him. Then he told me to put him inside me, which surprised me because he told me he had sex before. I shrugged it off and guided his shaft into me. He pumped away and there was a mixture of high pitch moaning and grunting and dirty talk. None of which were mine. I was stuck buried under him, trying to breath. And then, out of the blue, he asked me if I love him. He started to confess that he has been in love with me since eighth grade and he was still in love me. We barely talked in eighth grade and we barely talked after I ended it the first time. Mind you, he is still pumping away as he continued to ask me if I love him. I told him I do love him and I have always loved him. I kinda felt forced to say it because of the moment. He then goes harder and started calling me a bitch and blaming me for him joining the military. The bitch part I didn't mind since I felt like one for telling him I loved him when I really didnt; I just wanted sex. He finished and we cuddled. The ten minutes of relaxing silence is broken with "I lied. I didn't have sex before. You're my first." Imagine that shit.
TL; DR - Ex and I got back together. Had sex. During sex he confessed his love to me and I lied about my feelings to him. After sex, he tells me I took his virginity.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch61m32 | Hope I'm not too late. My boyfriend at the time and I began dating again. We dated for two weeks in sophomore year. It's been a week and he just got back from where he was stationed in the military to spend a weekend with me. He calls me at two in the morning and asked me to come over his grandparents place where he was staying. So I sneak out and go to him with hopes of doing the naughty. When I get there, he's wearing a sleeveless shirt and showing off his muscular arms and chest. Obviously I am turned on more and we go for it. He shoved his tongue in my mouth and goes crazy! Not the good hot kind of crazy; it felt like a weed whacker. I didn't say anything and just moaned to please him. Then he told me to put him inside me, which surprised me because he told me he had sex before. I shrugged it off and guided his shaft into me. He pumped away and there was a mixture of high pitch moaning and grunting and dirty talk. None of which were mine. I was stuck buried under him, trying to breath. And then, out of the blue, he asked me if I love him. He started to confess that he has been in love with me since eighth grade and he was still in love me. We barely talked in eighth grade and we barely talked after I ended it the first time. Mind you, he is still pumping away as he continued to ask me if I love him. I told him I do love him and I have always loved him. I kinda felt forced to say it because of the moment. He then goes harder and started calling me a bitch and blaming me for him joining the military. The bitch part I didn't mind since I felt like one for telling him I loved him when I really didnt; I just wanted sex. He finished and we cuddled. The ten minutes of relaxing silence is broken with "I lied. I didn't have sex before. You're my first." Imagine that shit. | Ex and I got back together. Had sex. During sex he confessed his love to me and I lied about my feelings to him. After sex, he tells me I took his virginity. |
dooyoufondue | I was at my ex's apartment and in her bed. Things start to get heavy and she said that she didn't want to have sex tonight. Well I was super horny and we continued a heavy make-out session and start dry humping a little. Well I wasn't about to get nothing out of this and a few minutes later came in my pants. She looks at me and says "did you really just cum in your pants?", half laughing at the situation. I just looked at her and said "yep, I get what I want." She just busts out laughing and tells me that was probably the most alpha thing she's ever seen and sticks her hand in my pants. Round two(one) proceeded after I recuperated. Not ashamed but conflicted about it.
tl;dr Got sex for jizzing my pants first. | I was at my ex's apartment and in her bed. Things start to get heavy and she said that she didn't want to have sex tonight. Well I was super horny and we continued a heavy make-out session and start dry humping a little. Well I wasn't about to get nothing out of this and a few minutes later came in my pants. She looks at me and says "did you really just cum in your pants?", half laughing at the situation. I just looked at her and said "yep, I get what I want." She just busts out laughing and tells me that was probably the most alpha thing she's ever seen and sticks her hand in my pants. Round two(one) proceeded after I recuperated. Not ashamed but conflicted about it.
tl;dr Got sex for jizzing my pants first.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch62f6o | I was at my ex's apartment and in her bed. Things start to get heavy and she said that she didn't want to have sex tonight. Well I was super horny and we continued a heavy make-out session and start dry humping a little. Well I wasn't about to get nothing out of this and a few minutes later came in my pants. She looks at me and says "did you really just cum in your pants?", half laughing at the situation. I just looked at her and said "yep, I get what I want." She just busts out laughing and tells me that was probably the most alpha thing she's ever seen and sticks her hand in my pants. Round two(one) proceeded after I recuperated. Not ashamed but conflicted about it. | Got sex for jizzing my pants first. |
Howsyourpork | Many. Degenerate life.
Disregard formatting errors. Workin' on it.
One pops to mind. Started chatting with a smoking hot ex's less attractive friend after her nudes were posted on a certain website-that-shall-not-be-named. Had a messy break up with the ex so I was pumped about this. We flirted she texts me a bunch of nudies. Mediocre face, gooood body so I thought, why not.
Backstory: This girl was awkward and tried too hard. Made fun of completely by me and my friends when we were younger (16ish) and just generally treated like shit.
We made plans and since she was coming from pretty far away I agreed to meet her halfway at the train station. Now as I was a raging alcoholic at the time I drank beforehand and brought another 8 brews for the 1 hour train ride to meet her. After stumbling around the train station drunk for a while I eventually find her and found out that she had apparently texted me really old pictures. Overweight, pale, flabby, and now I cant help but notice how the added weight has amplified her wide spaced eyed, froggy, face. Think of a chubby Carly Rae Jepsen. The resemblance is uncanny. Of course I was drunk, had already travelled an hour to meet her, so I thought whatever. We ride the train back to my place, more drinking, and jump in bed. At this point Im beyond wasted and going down on her when I have one of those rare moments of clarity through the alcohol haze and realize my face is buried between the thunder thighs of a pale beached whale and decide I need to get this over with.
Froggy: "Can't we do what we were just doing some more?"
Me: "uhhhh no"
Proceeded to put my now semi-flaccid dick inside her and immediately start humping her at warp speed trying to nut asap. Of course, she literally just lies there. Does not move at all. Dead fish.
Froggy: "Not so fast. I dont want you to cum right away!"
Me: "ugh..." *:-\*
The next twenty minutes are spent listening to her croak "ooo I'm there, I'm there" repeatedly while I struggle to think of anything else but what's going on in my bed. I finally manage to cum and immediately roll over and pass out as the sloth (frog?) paws at me for a bit before giving up without any post coital affection.
Next morning we wake up and I immediately start drinking the shame away. Practically flee outside with my dog without saying a word to her. She follows me out and tries to talk and I say maybe 5 words to her before she gives up and awkwardly leaves. Never spoke to her again.
**TL; DR: Chatted up an ex's friend. Got stoked to hook up with her after messy breakup with said ex. Realized girl had gotten fat after meeting up with her. Proceeded to have incredibly drunk, terrible, awkward, sex with frog girl and next morning ignored her until she felt compelled to leave.** | Many. Degenerate life.
Disregard formatting errors. Workin' on it.
One pops to mind. Started chatting with a smoking hot ex's less attractive friend after her nudes were posted on a certain website-that-shall-not-be-named. Had a messy break up with the ex so I was pumped about this. We flirted she texts me a bunch of nudies. Mediocre face, gooood body so I thought, why not.
Backstory: This girl was awkward and tried too hard. Made fun of completely by me and my friends when we were younger (16ish) and just generally treated like shit.
We made plans and since she was coming from pretty far away I agreed to meet her halfway at the train station. Now as I was a raging alcoholic at the time I drank beforehand and brought another 8 brews for the 1 hour train ride to meet her. After stumbling around the train station drunk for a while I eventually find her and found out that she had apparently texted me really old pictures. Overweight, pale, flabby, and now I cant help but notice how the added weight has amplified her wide spaced eyed, froggy, face. Think of a chubby Carly Rae Jepsen. The resemblance is uncanny. Of course I was drunk, had already travelled an hour to meet her, so I thought whatever. We ride the train back to my place, more drinking, and jump in bed. At this point Im beyond wasted and going down on her when I have one of those rare moments of clarity through the alcohol haze and realize my face is buried between the thunder thighs of a pale beached whale and decide I need to get this over with.
Froggy: "Can't we do what we were just doing some more?"
Me: "uhhhh no"
Proceeded to put my now semi-flaccid dick inside her and immediately start humping her at warp speed trying to nut asap. Of course, she literally just lies there. Does not move at all. Dead fish.
Froggy: "Not so fast. I dont want you to cum right away!"
Me: "ugh..." :-\
The next twenty minutes are spent listening to her croak "ooo I'm there, I'm there" repeatedly while I struggle to think of anything else but what's going on in my bed. I finally manage to cum and immediately roll over and pass out as the sloth (frog?) paws at me for a bit before giving up without any post coital affection.
Next morning we wake up and I immediately start drinking the shame away. Practically flee outside with my dog without saying a word to her. She follows me out and tries to talk and I say maybe 5 words to her before she gives up and awkwardly leaves. Never spoke to her again.
TL; DR: Chatted up an ex's friend. Got stoked to hook up with her after messy breakup with said ex. Realized girl had gotten fat after meeting up with her. Proceeded to have incredibly drunk, terrible, awkward, sex with frog girl and next morning ignored her until she felt compelled to leave.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch62gnp | Many. Degenerate life.
Disregard formatting errors. Workin' on it.
One pops to mind. Started chatting with a smoking hot ex's less attractive friend after her nudes were posted on a certain website-that-shall-not-be-named. Had a messy break up with the ex so I was pumped about this. We flirted she texts me a bunch of nudies. Mediocre face, gooood body so I thought, why not.
Backstory: This girl was awkward and tried too hard. Made fun of completely by me and my friends when we were younger (16ish) and just generally treated like shit.
We made plans and since she was coming from pretty far away I agreed to meet her halfway at the train station. Now as I was a raging alcoholic at the time I drank beforehand and brought another 8 brews for the 1 hour train ride to meet her. After stumbling around the train station drunk for a while I eventually find her and found out that she had apparently texted me really old pictures. Overweight, pale, flabby, and now I cant help but notice how the added weight has amplified her wide spaced eyed, froggy, face. Think of a chubby Carly Rae Jepsen. The resemblance is uncanny. Of course I was drunk, had already travelled an hour to meet her, so I thought whatever. We ride the train back to my place, more drinking, and jump in bed. At this point Im beyond wasted and going down on her when I have one of those rare moments of clarity through the alcohol haze and realize my face is buried between the thunder thighs of a pale beached whale and decide I need to get this over with.
Froggy: "Can't we do what we were just doing some more?"
Me: "uhhhh no"
Proceeded to put my now semi-flaccid dick inside her and immediately start humping her at warp speed trying to nut asap. Of course, she literally just lies there. Does not move at all. Dead fish.
Froggy: "Not so fast. I dont want you to cum right away!"
Me: "ugh..." :-\
The next twenty minutes are spent listening to her croak "ooo I'm there, I'm there" repeatedly while I struggle to think of anything else but what's going on in my bed. I finally manage to cum and immediately roll over and pass out as the sloth (frog?) paws at me for a bit before giving up without any post coital affection.
Next morning we wake up and I immediately start drinking the shame away. Practically flee outside with my dog without saying a word to her. She follows me out and tries to talk and I say maybe 5 words to her before she gives up and awkwardly leaves. Never spoke to her again. | Chatted up an ex's friend. Got stoked to hook up with her after messy breakup with said ex. Realized girl had gotten fat after meeting up with her. Proceeded to have incredibly drunk, terrible, awkward, sex with frog girl and next morning ignored her until she felt compelled to leave. |
bugalou | I dated a girl casually for a couple months and we ended up going our separate ways. We would still hang out occasionally because we had the same group of friends and we still talked often. We remained friends through post "break up" but would still occasionally mess around when alcohol was involved. We had made out and got into some heavy dry humping but never went all the way.
I should pause for a moment to explain I was actually looking for something more serious, and was a bit sad things didn't work out, but by no means devastated. I was just tired of casual flings and wanted something more stable. Sometimes things don't go your way though.
A few months later she comes over to my house very late one night and a little tipsy. It is quite obvious what this will lead to and I knew I was the booty call that night. Normally, being a guy, this was a golden situation. Things eventually lead to where I expected and we began to do the deed. Unfortunately my scumbag brain had to cock block and make me confused about how I felt doing this. As I mentioned, I actually wanted to be serious with this girl and here I was getting used for sex. This lead to my penis being into it (quite literally) but not my brain. 20 minutes of awkward, completely silent sex with no orgasms later, (at least for me, I assume not for her either with the silence) my brain won the battle and I called it quits. She then left to let me wallow in my self defeat.
**TLDR:**
Should have gave a girl looking for a booty call a good plowing but instead got cock blocked by my feelings. I still feel like an idiot to this day. | I dated a girl casually for a couple months and we ended up going our separate ways. We would still hang out occasionally because we had the same group of friends and we still talked often. We remained friends through post "break up" but would still occasionally mess around when alcohol was involved. We had made out and got into some heavy dry humping but never went all the way.
I should pause for a moment to explain I was actually looking for something more serious, and was a bit sad things didn't work out, but by no means devastated. I was just tired of casual flings and wanted something more stable. Sometimes things don't go your way though.
A few months later she comes over to my house very late one night and a little tipsy. It is quite obvious what this will lead to and I knew I was the booty call that night. Normally, being a guy, this was a golden situation. Things eventually lead to where I expected and we began to do the deed. Unfortunately my scumbag brain had to cock block and make me confused about how I felt doing this. As I mentioned, I actually wanted to be serious with this girl and here I was getting used for sex. This lead to my penis being into it (quite literally) but not my brain. 20 minutes of awkward, completely silent sex with no orgasms later, (at least for me, I assume not for her either with the silence) my brain won the battle and I called it quits. She then left to let me wallow in my self defeat.
TLDR:
Should have gave a girl looking for a booty call a good plowing but instead got cock blocked by my feelings. I still feel like an idiot to this day.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch64mwi | I dated a girl casually for a couple months and we ended up going our separate ways. We would still hang out occasionally because we had the same group of friends and we still talked often. We remained friends through post "break up" but would still occasionally mess around when alcohol was involved. We had made out and got into some heavy dry humping but never went all the way.
I should pause for a moment to explain I was actually looking for something more serious, and was a bit sad things didn't work out, but by no means devastated. I was just tired of casual flings and wanted something more stable. Sometimes things don't go your way though.
A few months later she comes over to my house very late one night and a little tipsy. It is quite obvious what this will lead to and I knew I was the booty call that night. Normally, being a guy, this was a golden situation. Things eventually lead to where I expected and we began to do the deed. Unfortunately my scumbag brain had to cock block and make me confused about how I felt doing this. As I mentioned, I actually wanted to be serious with this girl and here I was getting used for sex. This lead to my penis being into it (quite literally) but not my brain. 20 minutes of awkward, completely silent sex with no orgasms later, (at least for me, I assume not for her either with the silence) my brain won the battle and I called it quits. She then left to let me wallow in my self defeat. | Should have gave a girl looking for a booty call a good plowing but instead got cock blocked by my feelings. I still feel like an idiot to this day. |
drinkingfor11 | I have 2, both with the same ex.
When we first got together, we lived with my parents. I was 22 and had just finished college, she was 18 and had no where else to go, due to family issues, not wanting to live with her ex anymore, etc. It worked out well, since my parents loved her, and we were respectful. This meant waiting until we were home alone to have loud sex, or doing it elsewhere. We were also into some...uncomfortable role playing. This included brother-sister stuff, and rape play. This was partly a way of her working out some things from her past in a safe and comfortable environment. At any rate, one day my parents went out to the store, and we went at it. This time it was rape play, with her being pretty vocal. When we finish, my parents' car is out front again. We were freaked out, but figured we must be ok, since they left again right away, and they must have just stopped in around when we finished because they forgot something. This turned out to not be true, as things were very awkward in the house all day, leading up to an e-mail from my mom that evening explaining that my dad had heard us and it made him extremely uncomfortable. That took a while to get over, knowing what sort of things he must have heard.
The other story starts about a year and a half later. We're living together now, and we're still experimenting. She was bisexual (I mean, I assume still is) and pitched the idea of bringing in another girl to play with. I was, obviously, very into this idea. We went through a few different ways of meeting a girl who'd be interested in joining us, all while talking about which of our friends we wish would be into it. As it turns out, her best friend, who we were both pretty attracted to, was into it. One thing led to another (led to another, if you catch my meaning) and the three of us hooked up a few times. It was a lot of fun, and there was nothing weird about it. Until a little bit later when this friend came to see my band at a show my brother was also attending. They hit it off, and ended up dating, and eventually getting engaged. He knew all about it, and we joked about it a lot, but at first there was a panic moment of "Oh god, we're going to end up on Maury..." It ended up not working out for the two of them, but not because of our history. He's much happier with his new fiance, whom I have not had sex with.
TL;DR - My dad overheard my ex-girlfriend making noises like I was raping her, and she and I had a threesome with my brother's future fiance. | I have 2, both with the same ex.
When we first got together, we lived with my parents. I was 22 and had just finished college, she was 18 and had no where else to go, due to family issues, not wanting to live with her ex anymore, etc. It worked out well, since my parents loved her, and we were respectful. This meant waiting until we were home alone to have loud sex, or doing it elsewhere. We were also into some...uncomfortable role playing. This included brother-sister stuff, and rape play. This was partly a way of her working out some things from her past in a safe and comfortable environment. At any rate, one day my parents went out to the store, and we went at it. This time it was rape play, with her being pretty vocal. When we finish, my parents' car is out front again. We were freaked out, but figured we must be ok, since they left again right away, and they must have just stopped in around when we finished because they forgot something. This turned out to not be true, as things were very awkward in the house all day, leading up to an e-mail from my mom that evening explaining that my dad had heard us and it made him extremely uncomfortable. That took a while to get over, knowing what sort of things he must have heard.
The other story starts about a year and a half later. We're living together now, and we're still experimenting. She was bisexual (I mean, I assume still is) and pitched the idea of bringing in another girl to play with. I was, obviously, very into this idea. We went through a few different ways of meeting a girl who'd be interested in joining us, all while talking about which of our friends we wish would be into it. As it turns out, her best friend, who we were both pretty attracted to, was into it. One thing led to another (led to another, if you catch my meaning) and the three of us hooked up a few times. It was a lot of fun, and there was nothing weird about it. Until a little bit later when this friend came to see my band at a show my brother was also attending. They hit it off, and ended up dating, and eventually getting engaged. He knew all about it, and we joked about it a lot, but at first there was a panic moment of "Oh god, we're going to end up on Maury..." It ended up not working out for the two of them, but not because of our history. He's much happier with his new fiance, whom I have not had sex with.
TL;DR - My dad overheard my ex-girlfriend making noises like I was raping her, and she and I had a threesome with my brother's future fiance.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch64ypr | I have 2, both with the same ex.
When we first got together, we lived with my parents. I was 22 and had just finished college, she was 18 and had no where else to go, due to family issues, not wanting to live with her ex anymore, etc. It worked out well, since my parents loved her, and we were respectful. This meant waiting until we were home alone to have loud sex, or doing it elsewhere. We were also into some...uncomfortable role playing. This included brother-sister stuff, and rape play. This was partly a way of her working out some things from her past in a safe and comfortable environment. At any rate, one day my parents went out to the store, and we went at it. This time it was rape play, with her being pretty vocal. When we finish, my parents' car is out front again. We were freaked out, but figured we must be ok, since they left again right away, and they must have just stopped in around when we finished because they forgot something. This turned out to not be true, as things were very awkward in the house all day, leading up to an e-mail from my mom that evening explaining that my dad had heard us and it made him extremely uncomfortable. That took a while to get over, knowing what sort of things he must have heard.
The other story starts about a year and a half later. We're living together now, and we're still experimenting. She was bisexual (I mean, I assume still is) and pitched the idea of bringing in another girl to play with. I was, obviously, very into this idea. We went through a few different ways of meeting a girl who'd be interested in joining us, all while talking about which of our friends we wish would be into it. As it turns out, her best friend, who we were both pretty attracted to, was into it. One thing led to another (led to another, if you catch my meaning) and the three of us hooked up a few times. It was a lot of fun, and there was nothing weird about it. Until a little bit later when this friend came to see my band at a show my brother was also attending. They hit it off, and ended up dating, and eventually getting engaged. He knew all about it, and we joked about it a lot, but at first there was a panic moment of "Oh god, we're going to end up on Maury..." It ended up not working out for the two of them, but not because of our history. He's much happier with his new fiance, whom I have not had sex with. | My dad overheard my ex-girlfriend making noises like I was raping her, and she and I had a threesome with my brother's future fiance. |
Dovahmaster | This is going to get buried but oh well.
I came on a dogs face once. I drove two hours to get to this girls house and when I get there we go at it like animals in heat. It goes on for about 20 mins and I feel it coming. I pulled out and then I erupted like a white volcano, at the same time her Boston terrier jumped up on the bed and got really close to the eruption and got my man lava all over her face. To make things worse she licked it off.
Tl;dr I gave a Boston terrier a money shot. | This is going to get buried but oh well.
I came on a dogs face once. I drove two hours to get to this girls house and when I get there we go at it like animals in heat. It goes on for about 20 mins and I feel it coming. I pulled out and then I erupted like a white volcano, at the same time her Boston terrier jumped up on the bed and got really close to the eruption and got my man lava all over her face. To make things worse she licked it off.
Tl;dr I gave a Boston terrier a money shot.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch691q1 | This is going to get buried but oh well.
I came on a dogs face once. I drove two hours to get to this girls house and when I get there we go at it like animals in heat. It goes on for about 20 mins and I feel it coming. I pulled out and then I erupted like a white volcano, at the same time her Boston terrier jumped up on the bed and got really close to the eruption and got my man lava all over her face. To make things worse she licked it off. | I gave a Boston terrier a money shot. |
GreatGooglyBoogly | Not once, but twice my ex-gf had dingle-berries. The first time we were going at it in chair, ass to my stomach, in her dorm. Of course her roommate walks in which kills the mood. I go to get dressed and found a line down the front of my shirt... sure as shit, it was shit...
Time 2: going at it and end up in doggy style. I smelled shit but thought maybe it was just in my head. Nope, right there. Right beside the hole lies a turd the size of a grown man's thumb. I couldn't help but nope myself out of that one and told her to go wipe.
tl;dr ex-gf wasn't too good at wiping her ass. | Not once, but twice my ex-gf had dingle-berries. The first time we were going at it in chair, ass to my stomach, in her dorm. Of course her roommate walks in which kills the mood. I go to get dressed and found a line down the front of my shirt... sure as shit, it was shit...
Time 2: going at it and end up in doggy style. I smelled shit but thought maybe it was just in my head. Nope, right there. Right beside the hole lies a turd the size of a grown man's thumb. I couldn't help but nope myself out of that one and told her to go wipe.
tl;dr ex-gf wasn't too good at wiping her ass.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6945v | Not once, but twice my ex-gf had dingle-berries. The first time we were going at it in chair, ass to my stomach, in her dorm. Of course her roommate walks in which kills the mood. I go to get dressed and found a line down the front of my shirt... sure as shit, it was shit...
Time 2: going at it and end up in doggy style. I smelled shit but thought maybe it was just in my head. Nope, right there. Right beside the hole lies a turd the size of a grown man's thumb. I couldn't help but nope myself out of that one and told her to go wipe. | ex-gf wasn't too good at wiping her ass. |
gweezer | Me and my (now-ex) husband were swingers and debating polyamory, so we started casually looking around for someone to add to our relationship. He found a woman online and fell totally in love with her, enough to ignore the obvious problems and incompatibilities (Like the fact that she didn't want a romantic relationship with a male, and refused to ever date someone overweight. Thus, effectively, eliminating the both of us from her list of choices.)
After a month or so of them talking, he decides to fly her out to meet us. Now, let me tell you about this woman- she's homeless. She had been living in a womans shelter for years, not because of abuse, but because she was transgendered (born male, identified female) so she was at high risk for hate crimes and rape, so the cops preemptively stuck her in a home. Where she preceded to stay for years without taking any job opportunities that were literally handed to her because, hey, why work?
So we fly her out, and the first time we meet her, she... smells. Her hair is a ratted mess, her clothes are torn and terribly cared for, and she smells like she hasn't had a shower in weeks. We drive her back home and she never stopped talking about useless, annoying, unimportant shit. And once we get home... straight into the bedroom.
Her body was.... wrong. Her ribcage was misshapen and just awkward looking, with one side more pronounced than the other. Her cock was just terrible,and would have been on anyone- overly sharp bend, blotchy colored skin. And the sweat, dear gods the sweat. I have never seen anyone sweat like this, there were literal puddles of homeless, smelly sweat on my bed.
It was so bad my husband got up halfway through and left.
And it was just me, and her.
I have some guilt issues and felt like I couldn't just stop too. That seemed amazingly rude, yeah? So I did the only thing I could think of to just end this atrocity of a night: I sucked her off. I took her sweaty, smelly, misshapen hobo cock into my mouth, and I let her cum down my throat.
It's a taste that just don't wash away.
TLDR; hobo cum. Eww. | Me and my (now-ex) husband were swingers and debating polyamory, so we started casually looking around for someone to add to our relationship. He found a woman online and fell totally in love with her, enough to ignore the obvious problems and incompatibilities (Like the fact that she didn't want a romantic relationship with a male, and refused to ever date someone overweight. Thus, effectively, eliminating the both of us from her list of choices.)
After a month or so of them talking, he decides to fly her out to meet us. Now, let me tell you about this woman- she's homeless. She had been living in a womans shelter for years, not because of abuse, but because she was transgendered (born male, identified female) so she was at high risk for hate crimes and rape, so the cops preemptively stuck her in a home. Where she preceded to stay for years without taking any job opportunities that were literally handed to her because, hey, why work?
So we fly her out, and the first time we meet her, she... smells. Her hair is a ratted mess, her clothes are torn and terribly cared for, and she smells like she hasn't had a shower in weeks. We drive her back home and she never stopped talking about useless, annoying, unimportant shit. And once we get home... straight into the bedroom.
Her body was.... wrong. Her ribcage was misshapen and just awkward looking, with one side more pronounced than the other. Her cock was just terrible,and would have been on anyone- overly sharp bend, blotchy colored skin. And the sweat, dear gods the sweat. I have never seen anyone sweat like this, there were literal puddles of homeless, smelly sweat on my bed.
It was so bad my husband got up halfway through and left.
And it was just me, and her.
I have some guilt issues and felt like I couldn't just stop too. That seemed amazingly rude, yeah? So I did the only thing I could think of to just end this atrocity of a night: I sucked her off. I took her sweaty, smelly, misshapen hobo cock into my mouth, and I let her cum down my throat.
It's a taste that just don't wash away.
TLDR; hobo cum. Eww.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch696ko | Me and my (now-ex) husband were swingers and debating polyamory, so we started casually looking around for someone to add to our relationship. He found a woman online and fell totally in love with her, enough to ignore the obvious problems and incompatibilities (Like the fact that she didn't want a romantic relationship with a male, and refused to ever date someone overweight. Thus, effectively, eliminating the both of us from her list of choices.)
After a month or so of them talking, he decides to fly her out to meet us. Now, let me tell you about this woman- she's homeless. She had been living in a womans shelter for years, not because of abuse, but because she was transgendered (born male, identified female) so she was at high risk for hate crimes and rape, so the cops preemptively stuck her in a home. Where she preceded to stay for years without taking any job opportunities that were literally handed to her because, hey, why work?
So we fly her out, and the first time we meet her, she... smells. Her hair is a ratted mess, her clothes are torn and terribly cared for, and she smells like she hasn't had a shower in weeks. We drive her back home and she never stopped talking about useless, annoying, unimportant shit. And once we get home... straight into the bedroom.
Her body was.... wrong. Her ribcage was misshapen and just awkward looking, with one side more pronounced than the other. Her cock was just terrible,and would have been on anyone- overly sharp bend, blotchy colored skin. And the sweat, dear gods the sweat. I have never seen anyone sweat like this, there were literal puddles of homeless, smelly sweat on my bed.
It was so bad my husband got up halfway through and left.
And it was just me, and her.
I have some guilt issues and felt like I couldn't just stop too. That seemed amazingly rude, yeah? So I did the only thing I could think of to just end this atrocity of a night: I sucked her off. I took her sweaty, smelly, misshapen hobo cock into my mouth, and I let her cum down my throat.
It's a taste that just don't wash away. | hobo cum. Eww. |
DrewLinky | When I had just gotten my first job, there was this girl that wouldn't leave me alone. I don't particularly know why, but she did this thing where she would ask for a kiss before I left for the day. I always thought "that's flattering", but said no because I was the shy, new worker, one of the youngest people in the entire store and I had never really even been in a committed relationship.
This continues for a couple weeks, and then one night shortly before the end of my shift I'm in the freezer, taking note of what I need to stock up on for the overnighters. As I'm mentally checking off what food I need, I turn around and she's right fucking there. The girl is standing right in front of me, with tears in her eyes, and I'm like *oh my fucking god when did she get in here?* She steps closer and says "I'll let you finger me if you kiss me", and at this point my confusion was numbing my brain so much that I accepted her offer (demand?). It wasn't satisfying for me, although she seemed to enjoy it immensely, and as soon as I had regained my senses I got my food and got out of there. People kept asking me why I was in the freezer for so long, and all I could do was mumble "couldn't find the food" over and over again. It was just terrible.
tl;dr **I was practically forced into fingering a coworker inside of the freezer at my job.**
I still feel kind of bad about it. | When I had just gotten my first job, there was this girl that wouldn't leave me alone. I don't particularly know why, but she did this thing where she would ask for a kiss before I left for the day. I always thought "that's flattering", but said no because I was the shy, new worker, one of the youngest people in the entire store and I had never really even been in a committed relationship.
This continues for a couple weeks, and then one night shortly before the end of my shift I'm in the freezer, taking note of what I need to stock up on for the overnighters. As I'm mentally checking off what food I need, I turn around and she's right fucking there. The girl is standing right in front of me, with tears in her eyes, and I'm like oh my fucking god when did she get in here? She steps closer and says "I'll let you finger me if you kiss me", and at this point my confusion was numbing my brain so much that I accepted her offer (demand?). It wasn't satisfying for me, although she seemed to enjoy it immensely, and as soon as I had regained my senses I got my food and got out of there. People kept asking me why I was in the freezer for so long, and all I could do was mumble "couldn't find the food" over and over again. It was just terrible.
tl;dr I was practically forced into fingering a coworker inside of the freezer at my job.
I still feel kind of bad about it.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6aazi | When I had just gotten my first job, there was this girl that wouldn't leave me alone. I don't particularly know why, but she did this thing where she would ask for a kiss before I left for the day. I always thought "that's flattering", but said no because I was the shy, new worker, one of the youngest people in the entire store and I had never really even been in a committed relationship.
This continues for a couple weeks, and then one night shortly before the end of my shift I'm in the freezer, taking note of what I need to stock up on for the overnighters. As I'm mentally checking off what food I need, I turn around and she's right fucking there. The girl is standing right in front of me, with tears in her eyes, and I'm like oh my fucking god when did she get in here? She steps closer and says "I'll let you finger me if you kiss me", and at this point my confusion was numbing my brain so much that I accepted her offer (demand?). It wasn't satisfying for me, although she seemed to enjoy it immensely, and as soon as I had regained my senses I got my food and got out of there. People kept asking me why I was in the freezer for so long, and all I could do was mumble "couldn't find the food" over and over again. It was just terrible. | I was practically forced into fingering a coworker inside of the freezer at my job.
I still feel kind of bad about it. |
dude7519 | had a drunk threesome with me and my best friend spit-roasting a girl. i was fucking her vaginally because i was the only one with a condom he was fucking her mouth. i finish and start finger fucking her. he finishes and cums all over her titties. she sits up and says "Dude7519 lick his cum off my tits" i did, it was horrible. im bisexual so it souldnt have been that bad, but he was a meth/heroin head at the time and that shit was not what semen was supposed to be. then i gaged about to throw up and managed to hold it down, but i accidentally swallowed..
tl;dr : licked druggie cum off an girls tits, nearly threw up accidentally swallowed | had a drunk threesome with me and my best friend spit-roasting a girl. i was fucking her vaginally because i was the only one with a condom he was fucking her mouth. i finish and start finger fucking her. he finishes and cums all over her titties. she sits up and says "Dude7519 lick his cum off my tits" i did, it was horrible. im bisexual so it souldnt have been that bad, but he was a meth/heroin head at the time and that shit was not what semen was supposed to be. then i gaged about to throw up and managed to hold it down, but i accidentally swallowed..
tl;dr : licked druggie cum off an girls tits, nearly threw up accidentally swallowed
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6d29v | had a drunk threesome with me and my best friend spit-roasting a girl. i was fucking her vaginally because i was the only one with a condom he was fucking her mouth. i finish and start finger fucking her. he finishes and cums all over her titties. she sits up and says "Dude7519 lick his cum off my tits" i did, it was horrible. im bisexual so it souldnt have been that bad, but he was a meth/heroin head at the time and that shit was not what semen was supposed to be. then i gaged about to throw up and managed to hold it down, but i accidentally swallowed.. | licked druggie cum off an girls tits, nearly threw up accidentally swallowed |
Eridish | My worst, by far, happened recently. Having anal sex with female friend, we have done this countless times in the past... This time we were both a bit drunk, both going to town, dark room. We are about to switch positions when I look down... whole bunch of blood everywhere.
We need to clean off, so we go to the nearby hallway bathroom... at the same time my friend who was sleeping on the couch was making his way to the same bathroom. I am buck naked with a brown/red mess on my lower abs, crotch, upper thigh area.
TL;DR - Messy Bloody Anal, friend gets a glimpse of aftermath. | My worst, by far, happened recently. Having anal sex with female friend, we have done this countless times in the past... This time we were both a bit drunk, both going to town, dark room. We are about to switch positions when I look down... whole bunch of blood everywhere.
We need to clean off, so we go to the nearby hallway bathroom... at the same time my friend who was sleeping on the couch was making his way to the same bathroom. I am buck naked with a brown/red mess on my lower abs, crotch, upper thigh area.
TL;DR - Messy Bloody Anal, friend gets a glimpse of aftermath.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6eqm4 | My worst, by far, happened recently. Having anal sex with female friend, we have done this countless times in the past... This time we were both a bit drunk, both going to town, dark room. We are about to switch positions when I look down... whole bunch of blood everywhere.
We need to clean off, so we go to the nearby hallway bathroom... at the same time my friend who was sleeping on the couch was making his way to the same bathroom. I am buck naked with a brown/red mess on my lower abs, crotch, upper thigh area. | Messy Bloody Anal, friend gets a glimpse of aftermath. |
Atomichawk | My first girlfriend was like this and I didn't find out until fairly deep into our relationship. It's been half a year since I broke up with her and while I would never want to go through it again it still hurts that it turned out the way it did. I tried to help and it didn't work.
I already know that white knighting doesn't help any one. I think the situation is different for this girl because she was a good friend of mine in middle school until we went to two separate high schools. We lost contact at one point and I just recently heard about the kind of person she turned into and was disheartened. I just thought if there was anyway I could get in contact with her again and just ask her about it then I could help her be the great person she was before.
I know the only advice I'll get here is to leave her alone but it really hurts deep down to watch her self destruct.
TL;DR - I know white knighting is bad, I don't want to actually rescue her, just talk to her about it. | My first girlfriend was like this and I didn't find out until fairly deep into our relationship. It's been half a year since I broke up with her and while I would never want to go through it again it still hurts that it turned out the way it did. I tried to help and it didn't work.
I already know that white knighting doesn't help any one. I think the situation is different for this girl because she was a good friend of mine in middle school until we went to two separate high schools. We lost contact at one point and I just recently heard about the kind of person she turned into and was disheartened. I just thought if there was anyway I could get in contact with her again and just ask her about it then I could help her be the great person she was before.
I know the only advice I'll get here is to leave her alone but it really hurts deep down to watch her self destruct.
TL;DR - I know white knighting is bad, I don't want to actually rescue her, just talk to her about it.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6fehc | My first girlfriend was like this and I didn't find out until fairly deep into our relationship. It's been half a year since I broke up with her and while I would never want to go through it again it still hurts that it turned out the way it did. I tried to help and it didn't work.
I already know that white knighting doesn't help any one. I think the situation is different for this girl because she was a good friend of mine in middle school until we went to two separate high schools. We lost contact at one point and I just recently heard about the kind of person she turned into and was disheartened. I just thought if there was anyway I could get in contact with her again and just ask her about it then I could help her be the great person she was before.
I know the only advice I'll get here is to leave her alone but it really hurts deep down to watch her self destruct. | I know white knighting is bad, I don't want to actually rescue her, just talk to her about it. |
imaginationisevil | That has to be one of the best TL;DRs I've ever read. | That has to be one of the best TL;DRs I've ever read.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6re4z | That has to be one of the best | s I've ever read. |
moneysforhunnys | When I was in high school I was hooking up with a girl in the back of my SUV in the parking lot of a Lowe's. She was a grade lower than me, but at least the same height and she had some curves to her. Anyway, we get to the back seat and and start to hook up a little and she says she wants to blow me. So i slip my pants off and she starts to go to work on my hardware. Now, this was my first oral sex experience, but I would later find out that she actually gave terrible head. As shes going to town both of her elbows are on my thigh so she could hold herself up. Out of nowhere, I suppose from her elbows crushing my thigh, I start to get a leg cramp and scream out "AHHHH AHHH AHHHH." Evidently I could have chosen any better safe word because she thought I was coming and proceeded to lean on my leg more and try to finish me off. In a painful and panicked craze i grabbed her by her hair and pulled her off of my piece and jumped out of the car butt naked in the Lowe's parking lot. I've never lost a boner so fast.
TL;DR: The Crampjob | When I was in high school I was hooking up with a girl in the back of my SUV in the parking lot of a Lowe's. She was a grade lower than me, but at least the same height and she had some curves to her. Anyway, we get to the back seat and and start to hook up a little and she says she wants to blow me. So i slip my pants off and she starts to go to work on my hardware. Now, this was my first oral sex experience, but I would later find out that she actually gave terrible head. As shes going to town both of her elbows are on my thigh so she could hold herself up. Out of nowhere, I suppose from her elbows crushing my thigh, I start to get a leg cramp and scream out "AHHHH AHHH AHHHH." Evidently I could have chosen any better safe word because she thought I was coming and proceeded to lean on my leg more and try to finish me off. In a painful and panicked craze i grabbed her by her hair and pulled her off of my piece and jumped out of the car butt naked in the Lowe's parking lot. I've never lost a boner so fast.
TL;DR: The Crampjob
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch8y56o | When I was in high school I was hooking up with a girl in the back of my SUV in the parking lot of a Lowe's. She was a grade lower than me, but at least the same height and she had some curves to her. Anyway, we get to the back seat and and start to hook up a little and she says she wants to blow me. So i slip my pants off and she starts to go to work on my hardware. Now, this was my first oral sex experience, but I would later find out that she actually gave terrible head. As shes going to town both of her elbows are on my thigh so she could hold herself up. Out of nowhere, I suppose from her elbows crushing my thigh, I start to get a leg cramp and scream out "AHHHH AHHH AHHHH." Evidently I could have chosen any better safe word because she thought I was coming and proceeded to lean on my leg more and try to finish me off. In a painful and panicked craze i grabbed her by her hair and pulled her off of my piece and jumped out of the car butt naked in the Lowe's parking lot. I've never lost a boner so fast. | The Crampjob |
throwthisshitout123 | Oh boy here we go. So, I fingered my girlfriend for the first time when I was in high school. Im not and still not very sexually experienced. So as a birthday gift she lets me finger her again. We go out to a nice spot out in the country, she lays between my legs with her torso on my chest and I begin. Were getting hot and heavy and then all of a sudden....I cum. She had been squirming on me and I guess rubbed me out with her back. So here I am with a bust in my pants and remember its my birthday, so I have to go to a party in an hour. Our little sexy time ends with me rushing home to wash up after cumming, on the way almost crash my car, with my girlfriend teasing me. Terrible experience Im still very embarrassed about this experience and fear it will haunt me
TL;DR Cum in pants from fingering girlfriend | Oh boy here we go. So, I fingered my girlfriend for the first time when I was in high school. Im not and still not very sexually experienced. So as a birthday gift she lets me finger her again. We go out to a nice spot out in the country, she lays between my legs with her torso on my chest and I begin. Were getting hot and heavy and then all of a sudden....I cum. She had been squirming on me and I guess rubbed me out with her back. So here I am with a bust in my pants and remember its my birthday, so I have to go to a party in an hour. Our little sexy time ends with me rushing home to wash up after cumming, on the way almost crash my car, with my girlfriend teasing me. Terrible experience Im still very embarrassed about this experience and fear it will haunt me
TL;DR Cum in pants from fingering girlfriend
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5pqv8 | Oh boy here we go. So, I fingered my girlfriend for the first time when I was in high school. Im not and still not very sexually experienced. So as a birthday gift she lets me finger her again. We go out to a nice spot out in the country, she lays between my legs with her torso on my chest and I begin. Were getting hot and heavy and then all of a sudden....I cum. She had been squirming on me and I guess rubbed me out with her back. So here I am with a bust in my pants and remember its my birthday, so I have to go to a party in an hour. Our little sexy time ends with me rushing home to wash up after cumming, on the way almost crash my car, with my girlfriend teasing me. Terrible experience Im still very embarrassed about this experience and fear it will haunt me | Cum in pants from fingering girlfriend |
MJL2 | When I was 17, I was dating this very nice girl (I'll call her Lynz) who had awesome parents. They were so friendly towards me, and thought the world of me. We had a routine where I would drive her home, and we'd fool around in my car out in the front of her house. She lived on a pretty quiet street, so there was very rarely any traffic and no street lights.
After months of me finger blasting her, and her straddling me and dry humping my penis raw in my jeans (she was new to dating and was pretty shy) she finally asked if I wanted a BJ.....awesome! I'm finally getting the favor returned in the front seat of my car, when I hear a tapping on my window. It's her father. What happened next was the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me, and still leaves me confused 9 years later.
As I looked at him through my car window with sheer terror in my eyes, he politely said "Oh, hello MJL2! Could you please tell Lynz to turn off the porch light when she's done?" then walked back into the house. I know what was going through my mind, but what was going through Lynz's head. I don't know if she was too embarrassed to lift her head up, or she just didn't give a fuck.....but she never broke stride. She just kept going.
Now, the right thing to do would cut my losses and get out of there.....but I was finally getting a blowie, and it was phenomenal! I'm ashamed to say that I let her finish me off. As I was driving home I was trying to convince myself that maybe her father didn't see anything. Nope. There was no way in hell he didn't see his daughter's head bobbing up and down on my crotch. Weirdest part of it all was the fact that neither he nor Lynz ever spoke of this to me. It was like it never happened. I eventually cracked under the pressure and broke up with the girl a few months later.
--TL;DR-- Girlfriend's father caught her giving me a blowie, was polite and let her finish
*EDIT*
To clear up some confusion....I have no idea if she went and turned out the light when she went inside. Call me crazy, but that was the last thing I was worried about. Also, I'm not saying I wanted to have a full on conversation with the guy. That would be weird. I just wanted some acknowledgement to the whole thing. A head nod. A simple "let's forget about last night". ANYTHING! If he was playing the slow burn, he's a genius. It's 9 years later, and I'm still talking about it....he's won the war.
Finally.....as nice of a girl as she was, we were only 17. Would I still be with her today? I don't know. I doubt it. All I know is I'm happily engaged to an amazing woman, and that's all I care about | When I was 17, I was dating this very nice girl (I'll call her Lynz) who had awesome parents. They were so friendly towards me, and thought the world of me. We had a routine where I would drive her home, and we'd fool around in my car out in the front of her house. She lived on a pretty quiet street, so there was very rarely any traffic and no street lights.
After months of me finger blasting her, and her straddling me and dry humping my penis raw in my jeans (she was new to dating and was pretty shy) she finally asked if I wanted a BJ.....awesome! I'm finally getting the favor returned in the front seat of my car, when I hear a tapping on my window. It's her father. What happened next was the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me, and still leaves me confused 9 years later.
As I looked at him through my car window with sheer terror in my eyes, he politely said "Oh, hello MJL2! Could you please tell Lynz to turn off the porch light when she's done?" then walked back into the house. I know what was going through my mind, but what was going through Lynz's head. I don't know if she was too embarrassed to lift her head up, or she just didn't give a fuck.....but she never broke stride. She just kept going.
Now, the right thing to do would cut my losses and get out of there.....but I was finally getting a blowie, and it was phenomenal! I'm ashamed to say that I let her finish me off. As I was driving home I was trying to convince myself that maybe her father didn't see anything. Nope. There was no way in hell he didn't see his daughter's head bobbing up and down on my crotch. Weirdest part of it all was the fact that neither he nor Lynz ever spoke of this to me. It was like it never happened. I eventually cracked under the pressure and broke up with the girl a few months later.
--TL;DR-- Girlfriend's father caught her giving me a blowie, was polite and let her finish
EDIT
To clear up some confusion....I have no idea if she went and turned out the light when she went inside. Call me crazy, but that was the last thing I was worried about. Also, I'm not saying I wanted to have a full on conversation with the guy. That would be weird. I just wanted some acknowledgement to the whole thing. A head nod. A simple "let's forget about last night". ANYTHING! If he was playing the slow burn, he's a genius. It's 9 years later, and I'm still talking about it....he's won the war.
Finally.....as nice of a girl as she was, we were only 17. Would I still be with her today? I don't know. I doubt it. All I know is I'm happily engaged to an amazing woman, and that's all I care about
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5r6sn | When I was 17, I was dating this very nice girl (I'll call her Lynz) who had awesome parents. They were so friendly towards me, and thought the world of me. We had a routine where I would drive her home, and we'd fool around in my car out in the front of her house. She lived on a pretty quiet street, so there was very rarely any traffic and no street lights.
After months of me finger blasting her, and her straddling me and dry humping my penis raw in my jeans (she was new to dating and was pretty shy) she finally asked if I wanted a BJ.....awesome! I'm finally getting the favor returned in the front seat of my car, when I hear a tapping on my window. It's her father. What happened next was the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me, and still leaves me confused 9 years later.
As I looked at him through my car window with sheer terror in my eyes, he politely said "Oh, hello MJL2! Could you please tell Lynz to turn off the porch light when she's done?" then walked back into the house. I know what was going through my mind, but what was going through Lynz's head. I don't know if she was too embarrassed to lift her head up, or she just didn't give a fuck.....but she never broke stride. She just kept going.
Now, the right thing to do would cut my losses and get out of there.....but I was finally getting a blowie, and it was phenomenal! I'm ashamed to say that I let her finish me off. As I was driving home I was trying to convince myself that maybe her father didn't see anything. Nope. There was no way in hell he didn't see his daughter's head bobbing up and down on my crotch. Weirdest part of it all was the fact that neither he nor Lynz ever spoke of this to me. It was like it never happened. I eventually cracked under the pressure and broke up with the girl a few months later.
-- | Girlfriend's father caught her giving me a blowie, was polite and let her finish
EDIT
To clear up some confusion....I have no idea if she went and turned out the light when she went inside. Call me crazy, but that was the last thing I was worried about. Also, I'm not saying I wanted to have a full on conversation with the guy. That would be weird. I just wanted some acknowledgement to the whole thing. A head nod. A simple "let's forget about last night". ANYTHING! If he was playing the slow burn, he's a genius. It's 9 years later, and I'm still talking about it....he's won the war.
Finally.....as nice of a girl as she was, we were only 17. Would I still be with her today? I don't know. I doubt it. All I know is I'm happily engaged to an amazing woman, and that's all I care about |
LiquidPhoenix | In high school, I would frequently sneak into my then gf's room through the window that opened up to her backyard. Her bed was positioned directly below the window.
One night, I snuck in and left the window open. We did our thing and passed out in her bed. I woke up at 4 in the morning to her dad screaming "WHAT THE FUCK?!" I was scared shitless and I didn't have time to think. The first thing that came to mind was jump back out the window and run.
What I didn't know was that while I was asleep, my gf woke up and closed the window. I ended up smashing through the window and getting a few cuts and some glass stuck in my feet, but thankfully nowhere else.
I got away but my gf texted me the next day and said to come over and talk to her dad. He told me he wasn't mad but "you smashed my daughter and my window. You owe me."
**Tl;dr:** I accidentally smashed my gf's bedroom window trying to escape her dad.
**Edit:** I should probably add that most of the reason her dad was so cool with it is our two families had been friendly for a few years before this, and once he found out it was me, he was less mad. Our dad's openly joked in front of us about what would happen had they ever caught us together. | In high school, I would frequently sneak into my then gf's room through the window that opened up to her backyard. Her bed was positioned directly below the window.
One night, I snuck in and left the window open. We did our thing and passed out in her bed. I woke up at 4 in the morning to her dad screaming "WHAT THE FUCK?!" I was scared shitless and I didn't have time to think. The first thing that came to mind was jump back out the window and run.
What I didn't know was that while I was asleep, my gf woke up and closed the window. I ended up smashing through the window and getting a few cuts and some glass stuck in my feet, but thankfully nowhere else.
I got away but my gf texted me the next day and said to come over and talk to her dad. He told me he wasn't mad but "you smashed my daughter and my window. You owe me."
Tl;dr: I accidentally smashed my gf's bedroom window trying to escape her dad.
Edit: I should probably add that most of the reason her dad was so cool with it is our two families had been friendly for a few years before this, and once he found out it was me, he was less mad. Our dad's openly joked in front of us about what would happen had they ever caught us together.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5svvr | In high school, I would frequently sneak into my then gf's room through the window that opened up to her backyard. Her bed was positioned directly below the window.
One night, I snuck in and left the window open. We did our thing and passed out in her bed. I woke up at 4 in the morning to her dad screaming "WHAT THE FUCK?!" I was scared shitless and I didn't have time to think. The first thing that came to mind was jump back out the window and run.
What I didn't know was that while I was asleep, my gf woke up and closed the window. I ended up smashing through the window and getting a few cuts and some glass stuck in my feet, but thankfully nowhere else.
I got away but my gf texted me the next day and said to come over and talk to her dad. He told me he wasn't mad but "you smashed my daughter and my window. You owe me." | I accidentally smashed my gf's bedroom window trying to escape her dad.
Edit: I should probably add that most of the reason her dad was so cool with it is our two families had been friendly for a few years before this, and once he found out it was me, he was less mad. Our dad's openly joked in front of us about what would happen had they ever caught us together. |
Illllll | This literally just happened about a week ago. My roommate came home after going out with some friends. She basically jumped me. We made out for a while and were heavily petting. I have had feelings for her but have purposefully been keeping my distance to stay friends with her since that has been what she is communicating to me.
We basically start fucking, she cums and afterwards I basically just get soft. I can't get out of my head that we could be fucking up our friendship. I try to get hard for a while, but I literally can't get out of my head that she might not want to be my friend after this. We put our pants back on, go to bed.
I guess I shouldn't be too embarrassed, but I haven't been able to shake the shame and things just haven't been the same. =(
TL;DR Fucked roomate, got scared we could be fucking up our friendship, went soft, fucked up our friendship. | This literally just happened about a week ago. My roommate came home after going out with some friends. She basically jumped me. We made out for a while and were heavily petting. I have had feelings for her but have purposefully been keeping my distance to stay friends with her since that has been what she is communicating to me.
We basically start fucking, she cums and afterwards I basically just get soft. I can't get out of my head that we could be fucking up our friendship. I try to get hard for a while, but I literally can't get out of my head that she might not want to be my friend after this. We put our pants back on, go to bed.
I guess I shouldn't be too embarrassed, but I haven't been able to shake the shame and things just haven't been the same. =(
TL;DR Fucked roomate, got scared we could be fucking up our friendship, went soft, fucked up our friendship.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5tph7 | This literally just happened about a week ago. My roommate came home after going out with some friends. She basically jumped me. We made out for a while and were heavily petting. I have had feelings for her but have purposefully been keeping my distance to stay friends with her since that has been what she is communicating to me.
We basically start fucking, she cums and afterwards I basically just get soft. I can't get out of my head that we could be fucking up our friendship. I try to get hard for a while, but I literally can't get out of my head that she might not want to be my friend after this. We put our pants back on, go to bed.
I guess I shouldn't be too embarrassed, but I haven't been able to shake the shame and things just haven't been the same. =( | Fucked roomate, got scared we could be fucking up our friendship, went soft, fucked up our friendship. |
papa_bear_uk | On my knees at the end of the bed, inserted penis inbetween mattress and padded bed frame. Jumped away to POV Doggy porn
Tldr; I'm a bed fucker. | On my knees at the end of the bed, inserted penis inbetween mattress and padded bed frame. Jumped away to POV Doggy porn
Tldr; I'm a bed fucker.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5vh7t | On my knees at the end of the bed, inserted penis inbetween mattress and padded bed frame. Jumped away to POV Doggy porn | I'm a bed fucker. |
popota | Well back in high school I was the quiet wall flower kid. I had a bunch of drama club/choir/debate friends but I never really fit into any specific social circle. During my senior year one of the girls in the drama circle who had been in a monogamous relationship with only girls her entire life and never even kissed a girl came up to me with a proposition; She just broke up with her most recent girlfriend and wanted to have sex with a guy to see if she liked it. She was still a virgin and had only played with fingers and licking prior. So of course I said sure and took her virginity. Apparently she decided that she enjoyed men after this and considered herself bi.
Fastforward a couple years. 17 when the previous happened 22 when this next part happened; I was at a place called Sambuca in the Gulch of Downtown Nashville and ended up sitting next to a fairly attractive older lady. We hit it off pretty well and after a couple of drinks later I ended up going home with her. She was a absolute freak in bed and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Next morning I woke up about 9 or so, got dressed and was heading downstairs. As I passed through the living room into the kitchen her daughter was making a bowl of cereal. She turned around and we kinda stared at each other for a minute. Then it dawned on me this was the same girl from high school that I'd taken the virginity from.
"..Did you just..?"
"..Yeah."
"...well then. You doing anything tomorrow?"
"Nah, I'm free."
"Wana watch a movie?"
TLDR:
Took a lesbians virginity, turned her bi. Fucked her mom, and then fucked the original girl again.
| Well back in high school I was the quiet wall flower kid. I had a bunch of drama club/choir/debate friends but I never really fit into any specific social circle. During my senior year one of the girls in the drama circle who had been in a monogamous relationship with only girls her entire life and never even kissed a girl came up to me with a proposition; She just broke up with her most recent girlfriend and wanted to have sex with a guy to see if she liked it. She was still a virgin and had only played with fingers and licking prior. So of course I said sure and took her virginity. Apparently she decided that she enjoyed men after this and considered herself bi.
Fastforward a couple years. 17 when the previous happened 22 when this next part happened; I was at a place called Sambuca in the Gulch of Downtown Nashville and ended up sitting next to a fairly attractive older lady. We hit it off pretty well and after a couple of drinks later I ended up going home with her. She was a absolute freak in bed and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Next morning I woke up about 9 or so, got dressed and was heading downstairs. As I passed through the living room into the kitchen her daughter was making a bowl of cereal. She turned around and we kinda stared at each other for a minute. Then it dawned on me this was the same girl from high school that I'd taken the virginity from.
"..Did you just..?"
"..Yeah."
"...well then. You doing anything tomorrow?"
"Nah, I'm free."
"Wana watch a movie?"
TLDR:
Took a lesbians virginity, turned her bi. Fucked her mom, and then fucked the original girl again.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch680fe | Well back in high school I was the quiet wall flower kid. I had a bunch of drama club/choir/debate friends but I never really fit into any specific social circle. During my senior year one of the girls in the drama circle who had been in a monogamous relationship with only girls her entire life and never even kissed a girl came up to me with a proposition; She just broke up with her most recent girlfriend and wanted to have sex with a guy to see if she liked it. She was still a virgin and had only played with fingers and licking prior. So of course I said sure and took her virginity. Apparently she decided that she enjoyed men after this and considered herself bi.
Fastforward a couple years. 17 when the previous happened 22 when this next part happened; I was at a place called Sambuca in the Gulch of Downtown Nashville and ended up sitting next to a fairly attractive older lady. We hit it off pretty well and after a couple of drinks later I ended up going home with her. She was a absolute freak in bed and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Next morning I woke up about 9 or so, got dressed and was heading downstairs. As I passed through the living room into the kitchen her daughter was making a bowl of cereal. She turned around and we kinda stared at each other for a minute. Then it dawned on me this was the same girl from high school that I'd taken the virginity from.
"..Did you just..?"
"..Yeah."
"...well then. You doing anything tomorrow?"
"Nah, I'm free."
"Wana watch a movie?" | Took a lesbians virginity, turned her bi. Fucked her mom, and then fucked the original girl again. |
jonnybanana88 | Okay, so I was like 21 and having a helluva house party. This girl I had seen around was eye fuckin me. HARD. So I walk up to her, flirt, the whole nine. Well the party starts to die down a little and I ask if she wants to go up to my room. She's down, so we go up and start making out. We do that for about 5 minutes before she pulls out the ol' banana and starts goin down on it. Well she does that for a bit and then climbs on up and starts bouncin. She gets off, wants to switch position, I'm game. She sucks me again before I go back in. We do this for like 30 minutes, every time we switch position, she sucks me. Well I was a little tipsy and feeling brave, so I was like "Do you wanna have a threesome?" she says sure and ask who. I didn't expect it to go this far so I freeze. I immediately thought of my virgin friend downstairs. I say him and she says no. Don't know why, couldn't think of anyone else maybe, so I ask if I can put it in her ass. She's game. So I pull out and she starts sucking me, like normal. Well I slide on in (should have been a sign), and go at it for a bit before deciding I'm not gonna cum. Well I pull out and she goes to suck me again, and I'm just like "Nah, I'm good." Well I get up, walk into the bathroom to piss and congratulate my dick on job well done. I look in the mirror and down at my now flaccid, shit covered dick. I'm immediately start saying No. Nope. Not happening. Not me. No. She knocks on the door and says, "Please don't tell anyone." I tell her I won't, and turn the shower on as hot as I can fucking get it. Very carefully undress and get in. I clean up extra, extra good and get out, and throw on a pair of boxers and shorts. I walk out and into my room mates bedroom and look at him and say, "I just fucked the shit out of that girl." He's like, cool man, and I repeat myself. He looks at me, down at the ground, back at me, all the time shaking his head. I ay to him, "I literally, just fucked the shit out of that girl." I guess it clicked in his head finally cause he was like "Ahhhh what the fuck bro?!"
TL;DR I fucked the shit out of some girl. Literally. | Okay, so I was like 21 and having a helluva house party. This girl I had seen around was eye fuckin me. HARD. So I walk up to her, flirt, the whole nine. Well the party starts to die down a little and I ask if she wants to go up to my room. She's down, so we go up and start making out. We do that for about 5 minutes before she pulls out the ol' banana and starts goin down on it. Well she does that for a bit and then climbs on up and starts bouncin. She gets off, wants to switch position, I'm game. She sucks me again before I go back in. We do this for like 30 minutes, every time we switch position, she sucks me. Well I was a little tipsy and feeling brave, so I was like "Do you wanna have a threesome?" she says sure and ask who. I didn't expect it to go this far so I freeze. I immediately thought of my virgin friend downstairs. I say him and she says no. Don't know why, couldn't think of anyone else maybe, so I ask if I can put it in her ass. She's game. So I pull out and she starts sucking me, like normal. Well I slide on in (should have been a sign), and go at it for a bit before deciding I'm not gonna cum. Well I pull out and she goes to suck me again, and I'm just like "Nah, I'm good." Well I get up, walk into the bathroom to piss and congratulate my dick on job well done. I look in the mirror and down at my now flaccid, shit covered dick. I'm immediately start saying No. Nope. Not happening. Not me. No. She knocks on the door and says, "Please don't tell anyone." I tell her I won't, and turn the shower on as hot as I can fucking get it. Very carefully undress and get in. I clean up extra, extra good and get out, and throw on a pair of boxers and shorts. I walk out and into my room mates bedroom and look at him and say, "I just fucked the shit out of that girl." He's like, cool man, and I repeat myself. He looks at me, down at the ground, back at me, all the time shaking his head. I ay to him, "I literally, just fucked the shit out of that girl." I guess it clicked in his head finally cause he was like "Ahhhh what the fuck bro?!"
TL;DR I fucked the shit out of some girl. Literally.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6a8yc | Okay, so I was like 21 and having a helluva house party. This girl I had seen around was eye fuckin me. HARD. So I walk up to her, flirt, the whole nine. Well the party starts to die down a little and I ask if she wants to go up to my room. She's down, so we go up and start making out. We do that for about 5 minutes before she pulls out the ol' banana and starts goin down on it. Well she does that for a bit and then climbs on up and starts bouncin. She gets off, wants to switch position, I'm game. She sucks me again before I go back in. We do this for like 30 minutes, every time we switch position, she sucks me. Well I was a little tipsy and feeling brave, so I was like "Do you wanna have a threesome?" she says sure and ask who. I didn't expect it to go this far so I freeze. I immediately thought of my virgin friend downstairs. I say him and she says no. Don't know why, couldn't think of anyone else maybe, so I ask if I can put it in her ass. She's game. So I pull out and she starts sucking me, like normal. Well I slide on in (should have been a sign), and go at it for a bit before deciding I'm not gonna cum. Well I pull out and she goes to suck me again, and I'm just like "Nah, I'm good." Well I get up, walk into the bathroom to piss and congratulate my dick on job well done. I look in the mirror and down at my now flaccid, shit covered dick. I'm immediately start saying No. Nope. Not happening. Not me. No. She knocks on the door and says, "Please don't tell anyone." I tell her I won't, and turn the shower on as hot as I can fucking get it. Very carefully undress and get in. I clean up extra, extra good and get out, and throw on a pair of boxers and shorts. I walk out and into my room mates bedroom and look at him and say, "I just fucked the shit out of that girl." He's like, cool man, and I repeat myself. He looks at me, down at the ground, back at me, all the time shaking his head. I ay to him, "I literally, just fucked the shit out of that girl." I guess it clicked in his head finally cause he was like "Ahhhh what the fuck bro?!" | I fucked the shit out of some girl. Literally. |
Hashiriyadotnet | After a company party, my boss and some coworkers wanted to go to a local sushi restaurant to have some real food and drinks. As I walked in I saw a pretty girl having dinner alone. We went over to our table, but I couldn't stop looking over in her direction. I decided to do something I had never done before, I decided that I was gonna talk to a random girl. I walked past her, asked the waiter a dumb question and then on the way back I stopped, said "Excuse me, is that spring roll any good"?. Quickly before she could finish replying "Yes" to the food question, I asked if I could sit down. She found that funny. We chatted for a little while and my supervisor then came over and yanked me away to go back to our table.
After a few minutes I said I needed to go to the bathroom and left our table. I went over to the girl and told her that I am with my boss and some co-workers, so I can't talk long. I gave her my number and told her to text me. Throughout the rest of the night she sat there and we had a conversation on our phones, rude I know. I told her I would be done soon and that if she wasn't busy we could go out after. I was expecting a "no I'm too tired", but instead she said "Sure!".
After dinner we went out to a karaoke bar and talked and sang (I live in Japan) for an hour. It was 1am by that time, so I asked her what she wanted to do next. She gave me this look and said "I dunno, what do you wanna do?"...I was wondering if was getting a hint or reading too much into it...but she solidly asked..."Do you live close to here"? I was shocked, but didn't show it. Smoothly I said, "not really, why? Do you wanna go back to my apartment"? She giggled and replied "what should we do"?
At that point I did a second thing that I had never done before, I figured, why not...I leaned over and kissed her. After making out for a while, I told her my apartment was kind of far, but if she wanted to, we could go to a hotel. She said "ok" in the cutest way I'd ever heard. We caught a cab to the nearest hotel and had a great time that night...well, four great times. I woke up in the morning and she was cuddled up next to me. She told me she enjoyed her time with me and thanked me for being kind.
I dropped her off close to her house and then texted her "It was nice meeting you, I hope I can see you again". Unfortunately I didn't hear back from her and after 4 days I was going kinda crazy thinking about it lol. Finally I mustered up the courage to visit her workplace (I know I shouldn't have, but...this was my first time doing a lot of things), she was a front desk person at business hotel. As soon as I walked in, I saw her working the counter. I walked up and she said, "hey! sorry my phone broke". Which was believable since when I met her the screen was shattered to all hell. She gave me her email and I sent one out. She replied saying that she will buy a new phone soon, but that she had bad news, she was actually moving to another city, 1000km away, to start a new job. I told her if she wanted to hang out before she left, the next week, to message me. She replied, "If I have time, thanks again for being kind".
Haven't heard from her since. lol.
**TL:DR** **Met a lonely girl at a restaurant, took her to a hotel and made sweet sweet love, then never heard from her again.** | After a company party, my boss and some coworkers wanted to go to a local sushi restaurant to have some real food and drinks. As I walked in I saw a pretty girl having dinner alone. We went over to our table, but I couldn't stop looking over in her direction. I decided to do something I had never done before, I decided that I was gonna talk to a random girl. I walked past her, asked the waiter a dumb question and then on the way back I stopped, said "Excuse me, is that spring roll any good"?. Quickly before she could finish replying "Yes" to the food question, I asked if I could sit down. She found that funny. We chatted for a little while and my supervisor then came over and yanked me away to go back to our table.
After a few minutes I said I needed to go to the bathroom and left our table. I went over to the girl and told her that I am with my boss and some co-workers, so I can't talk long. I gave her my number and told her to text me. Throughout the rest of the night she sat there and we had a conversation on our phones, rude I know. I told her I would be done soon and that if she wasn't busy we could go out after. I was expecting a "no I'm too tired", but instead she said "Sure!".
After dinner we went out to a karaoke bar and talked and sang (I live in Japan) for an hour. It was 1am by that time, so I asked her what she wanted to do next. She gave me this look and said "I dunno, what do you wanna do?"...I was wondering if was getting a hint or reading too much into it...but she solidly asked..."Do you live close to here"? I was shocked, but didn't show it. Smoothly I said, "not really, why? Do you wanna go back to my apartment"? She giggled and replied "what should we do"?
At that point I did a second thing that I had never done before, I figured, why not...I leaned over and kissed her. After making out for a while, I told her my apartment was kind of far, but if she wanted to, we could go to a hotel. She said "ok" in the cutest way I'd ever heard. We caught a cab to the nearest hotel and had a great time that night...well, four great times. I woke up in the morning and she was cuddled up next to me. She told me she enjoyed her time with me and thanked me for being kind.
I dropped her off close to her house and then texted her "It was nice meeting you, I hope I can see you again". Unfortunately I didn't hear back from her and after 4 days I was going kinda crazy thinking about it lol. Finally I mustered up the courage to visit her workplace (I know I shouldn't have, but...this was my first time doing a lot of things), she was a front desk person at business hotel. As soon as I walked in, I saw her working the counter. I walked up and she said, "hey! sorry my phone broke". Which was believable since when I met her the screen was shattered to all hell. She gave me her email and I sent one out. She replied saying that she will buy a new phone soon, but that she had bad news, she was actually moving to another city, 1000km away, to start a new job. I told her if she wanted to hang out before she left, the next week, to message me. She replied, "If I have time, thanks again for being kind".
Haven't heard from her since. lol.
TL:DR Met a lonely girl at a restaurant, took her to a hotel and made sweet sweet love, then never heard from her again.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5sm60 | After a company party, my boss and some coworkers wanted to go to a local sushi restaurant to have some real food and drinks. As I walked in I saw a pretty girl having dinner alone. We went over to our table, but I couldn't stop looking over in her direction. I decided to do something I had never done before, I decided that I was gonna talk to a random girl. I walked past her, asked the waiter a dumb question and then on the way back I stopped, said "Excuse me, is that spring roll any good"?. Quickly before she could finish replying "Yes" to the food question, I asked if I could sit down. She found that funny. We chatted for a little while and my supervisor then came over and yanked me away to go back to our table.
After a few minutes I said I needed to go to the bathroom and left our table. I went over to the girl and told her that I am with my boss and some co-workers, so I can't talk long. I gave her my number and told her to text me. Throughout the rest of the night she sat there and we had a conversation on our phones, rude I know. I told her I would be done soon and that if she wasn't busy we could go out after. I was expecting a "no I'm too tired", but instead she said "Sure!".
After dinner we went out to a karaoke bar and talked and sang (I live in Japan) for an hour. It was 1am by that time, so I asked her what she wanted to do next. She gave me this look and said "I dunno, what do you wanna do?"...I was wondering if was getting a hint or reading too much into it...but she solidly asked..."Do you live close to here"? I was shocked, but didn't show it. Smoothly I said, "not really, why? Do you wanna go back to my apartment"? She giggled and replied "what should we do"?
At that point I did a second thing that I had never done before, I figured, why not...I leaned over and kissed her. After making out for a while, I told her my apartment was kind of far, but if she wanted to, we could go to a hotel. She said "ok" in the cutest way I'd ever heard. We caught a cab to the nearest hotel and had a great time that night...well, four great times. I woke up in the morning and she was cuddled up next to me. She told me she enjoyed her time with me and thanked me for being kind.
I dropped her off close to her house and then texted her "It was nice meeting you, I hope I can see you again". Unfortunately I didn't hear back from her and after 4 days I was going kinda crazy thinking about it lol. Finally I mustered up the courage to visit her workplace (I know I shouldn't have, but...this was my first time doing a lot of things), she was a front desk person at business hotel. As soon as I walked in, I saw her working the counter. I walked up and she said, "hey! sorry my phone broke". Which was believable since when I met her the screen was shattered to all hell. She gave me her email and I sent one out. She replied saying that she will buy a new phone soon, but that she had bad news, she was actually moving to another city, 1000km away, to start a new job. I told her if she wanted to hang out before she left, the next week, to message me. She replied, "If I have time, thanks again for being kind".
Haven't heard from her since. lol. | Met a lonely girl at a restaurant, took her to a hotel and made sweet sweet love, then never heard from her again. |
KittyVonStroke | When I was around 18 I went to a halloween party at a friend's place who lived about a 15 minute walk (though a large park) from my house. I was dressed up as this psychotic doll/axe murderer, complete with fake axe covered in fake blood.
At this party there was a guy I had been seeing and really liked. Long story short I overheard him talking about another girl he was seeing and it upset young, drunk me so much so that I decided I must flee the party and walk home. It was around midnight and I trudged through the park, crying to myself the whole way. As I emerged on the other side under a street lamp I was greeted by a young man coming down the road on a skateboard. Obviously shocked by my appearance (covered in fake blood) and holding an axe he stopped and slowly, cautiously approached me asking a little uneasily "Are.. are you okay?" I broke down into tears and just hugged him. I cried and cried and he just stood there holding me.
Once I regained composure I apologised profusely and tried to explain myself and my attire. He offered to walk me to my house and on the way he told me how he lived just a few streets away. He turned out to be very sweet and we found we had a lot in common, we sat out on the curb by my house for a few hours just talking and laughing about our unusual encounter. When it was getting very late he walked me to my door and bid me goodnight. He was the perfect, beautiful stranger who happened to be in the right place at the right time and I will never forgot his kindness.
TL:DR Emerged from a park, drunk, distraught and dressed like an axe-murderer to encounter a young man on a skateboard who despite all that was kind and walked me home | When I was around 18 I went to a halloween party at a friend's place who lived about a 15 minute walk (though a large park) from my house. I was dressed up as this psychotic doll/axe murderer, complete with fake axe covered in fake blood.
At this party there was a guy I had been seeing and really liked. Long story short I overheard him talking about another girl he was seeing and it upset young, drunk me so much so that I decided I must flee the party and walk home. It was around midnight and I trudged through the park, crying to myself the whole way. As I emerged on the other side under a street lamp I was greeted by a young man coming down the road on a skateboard. Obviously shocked by my appearance (covered in fake blood) and holding an axe he stopped and slowly, cautiously approached me asking a little uneasily "Are.. are you okay?" I broke down into tears and just hugged him. I cried and cried and he just stood there holding me.
Once I regained composure I apologised profusely and tried to explain myself and my attire. He offered to walk me to my house and on the way he told me how he lived just a few streets away. He turned out to be very sweet and we found we had a lot in common, we sat out on the curb by my house for a few hours just talking and laughing about our unusual encounter. When it was getting very late he walked me to my door and bid me goodnight. He was the perfect, beautiful stranger who happened to be in the right place at the right time and I will never forgot his kindness.
TL:DR Emerged from a park, drunk, distraught and dressed like an axe-murderer to encounter a young man on a skateboard who despite all that was kind and walked me home
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5t56j | When I was around 18 I went to a halloween party at a friend's place who lived about a 15 minute walk (though a large park) from my house. I was dressed up as this psychotic doll/axe murderer, complete with fake axe covered in fake blood.
At this party there was a guy I had been seeing and really liked. Long story short I overheard him talking about another girl he was seeing and it upset young, drunk me so much so that I decided I must flee the party and walk home. It was around midnight and I trudged through the park, crying to myself the whole way. As I emerged on the other side under a street lamp I was greeted by a young man coming down the road on a skateboard. Obviously shocked by my appearance (covered in fake blood) and holding an axe he stopped and slowly, cautiously approached me asking a little uneasily "Are.. are you okay?" I broke down into tears and just hugged him. I cried and cried and he just stood there holding me.
Once I regained composure I apologised profusely and tried to explain myself and my attire. He offered to walk me to my house and on the way he told me how he lived just a few streets away. He turned out to be very sweet and we found we had a lot in common, we sat out on the curb by my house for a few hours just talking and laughing about our unusual encounter. When it was getting very late he walked me to my door and bid me goodnight. He was the perfect, beautiful stranger who happened to be in the right place at the right time and I will never forgot his kindness. | Emerged from a park, drunk, distraught and dressed like an axe-murderer to encounter a young man on a skateboard who despite all that was kind and walked me home |
joreclros92 | This guy, must've been only in his mid twenties, approached me and asked if I believed in God. I lied saying that I did thinking he would try to convince me into believing in God. Nope. It's midnight in a savemart parking lot and he's telling me how he can see angels and demons and how he feels he's the only one who can stop the evil. It was a little scary because he was young. I've met my share of crazies but they were all old.
I was too nice to tell him that I wanted to go home so I listened to his story of how he first started seeing them and how he realized his destiny. He seemed so convinced that I was inclined to listen.
He also thought he could read minds... I played along with it, does that make me an asshole? Anyway in the end he asked for some cash and I gave him some. It was some pretty good entertainment. He also asked for a ride to which I made some bullshit excuse saying I was going the other way from where he wanted to go.
Tl;dr guy told me his life story about how he's pretty much Jesus reincarnated. | This guy, must've been only in his mid twenties, approached me and asked if I believed in God. I lied saying that I did thinking he would try to convince me into believing in God. Nope. It's midnight in a savemart parking lot and he's telling me how he can see angels and demons and how he feels he's the only one who can stop the evil. It was a little scary because he was young. I've met my share of crazies but they were all old.
I was too nice to tell him that I wanted to go home so I listened to his story of how he first started seeing them and how he realized his destiny. He seemed so convinced that I was inclined to listen.
He also thought he could read minds... I played along with it, does that make me an asshole? Anyway in the end he asked for some cash and I gave him some. It was some pretty good entertainment. He also asked for a ride to which I made some bullshit excuse saying I was going the other way from where he wanted to go.
Tl;dr guy told me his life story about how he's pretty much Jesus reincarnated.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch5urji | This guy, must've been only in his mid twenties, approached me and asked if I believed in God. I lied saying that I did thinking he would try to convince me into believing in God. Nope. It's midnight in a savemart parking lot and he's telling me how he can see angels and demons and how he feels he's the only one who can stop the evil. It was a little scary because he was young. I've met my share of crazies but they were all old.
I was too nice to tell him that I wanted to go home so I listened to his story of how he first started seeing them and how he realized his destiny. He seemed so convinced that I was inclined to listen.
He also thought he could read minds... I played along with it, does that make me an asshole? Anyway in the end he asked for some cash and I gave him some. It was some pretty good entertainment. He also asked for a ride to which I made some bullshit excuse saying I was going the other way from where he wanted to go. | guy told me his life story about how he's pretty much Jesus reincarnated. |
OOPC | The sad thing is that Dave's comedy was amazing at pointing out the ridiculousness of racism. This sketch in particular stands out, but a lot of his sketches did a wonderful job at this.
Then when Dave quit, Comedy Central replaced him with Carlos Mencia. The CC execs clearly wanted edgy comedy based on race, but Dave was light-years ahead of Carlos in terms of how to handle to topic. With Dave, the re-occurring joke was framed around "let's laugh at how crazy racism is!" and it was truly hilarious. But with Carlos the joke was always "let's laugh at racism!" which was sad and ignorant.
TL;DR We need more Chapelle Show. | The sad thing is that Dave's comedy was amazing at pointing out the ridiculousness of racism. This sketch in particular stands out, but a lot of his sketches did a wonderful job at this.
Then when Dave quit, Comedy Central replaced him with Carlos Mencia. The CC execs clearly wanted edgy comedy based on race, but Dave was light-years ahead of Carlos in terms of how to handle to topic. With Dave, the re-occurring joke was framed around "let's laugh at how crazy racism is!" and it was truly hilarious. But with Carlos the joke was always "let's laugh at racism!" which was sad and ignorant.
TL;DR We need more Chapelle Show.
| funny | t5_2qh33 | ch65gpf | The sad thing is that Dave's comedy was amazing at pointing out the ridiculousness of racism. This sketch in particular stands out, but a lot of his sketches did a wonderful job at this.
Then when Dave quit, Comedy Central replaced him with Carlos Mencia. The CC execs clearly wanted edgy comedy based on race, but Dave was light-years ahead of Carlos in terms of how to handle to topic. With Dave, the re-occurring joke was framed around "let's laugh at how crazy racism is!" and it was truly hilarious. But with Carlos the joke was always "let's laugh at racism!" which was sad and ignorant. | We need more Chapelle Show. |
FunkyBunch21 | I wouldn't say a bike is completely useless.. A fixie like this would be shit though. A good, geared bike would be a better choice. And for the vast majority of those who don't know how to ride/birth/care/train for horses, they would spook easily. You can't assume everyone is an expert with horses, but you can assume almost anyone can ride a bike.
Tl;dr A horse would be better and more practical with an experienced rider. Otherwise I'd go for the bike. | I wouldn't say a bike is completely useless.. A fixie like this would be shit though. A good, geared bike would be a better choice. And for the vast majority of those who don't know how to ride/birth/care/train for horses, they would spook easily. You can't assume everyone is an expert with horses, but you can assume almost anyone can ride a bike.
Tl;dr A horse would be better and more practical with an experienced rider. Otherwise I'd go for the bike.
| zombies | t5_2qi0e | ch6pvw8 | I wouldn't say a bike is completely useless.. A fixie like this would be shit though. A good, geared bike would be a better choice. And for the vast majority of those who don't know how to ride/birth/care/train for horses, they would spook easily. You can't assume everyone is an expert with horses, but you can assume almost anyone can ride a bike. | A horse would be better and more practical with an experienced rider. Otherwise I'd go for the bike. |
Redhavok | “Pirates are evil? The Marines are righteous? These terms have always changed throughout the course of history! Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values! Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right! This very place is neutral ground! Justice will prevail, you say? But of course it will! Whoever wins this war becomes justice!” *
― Donquixote Doflamingo
*translations may vary slightly
There is more versatility to this then it may seem to most, but let's start with its contextual significance. Doffy is basically saying how ridiculous it is to consider pirates as evil or marines as the force of good, they are considered virtuous because they themselves have defined the virtues, and anyone disagrees with their terms i.e their laws, they will be punished. He defines Marineford as neutral ground, but he doesn't mean Marineford itself, he means Marineford as it currently stands: a battlefield. Who is really the better side in this battle? one is putting the end to a dangerous criminal, one just wants their friend back, both sides are killing, both sides are fighting on behalf of somebody else, and enforcing their values unto others, every strike of a blade is a bang of a gavel, but unlike a courtroom there are no questions asked, there is no evidence, only judgement, and execution. There are no rules in a war, what are they going to do if you break the rules, kill you? that's what they're going to do anyway. The only way for it to end is for one side to be the only ones left standing, then if they want to say "we are the good guys", there is no-one to argue except the people that already agreed with them to begin with, that persons words are gospel, that person is justice. What is interesting here is that both sides also called for an end, Coby for marines, and Shanks for pirates. Who's to say either are true forces of evil or good if people from both sides can want the same results. Unfortunately, as with all wars, there were no winners. The pirates lost Ace, their brother, and Whitebeard, their father, the offspring of the pirate king fell as a representation of the end of the age of pirates, but as a results the marines lost Sengoku, Garp, and eventually Kuzan, and began the new age of pirates, an age that is sure to end their reign, be it good or otherwise.
This applies to the real world, for instance if you kill a man, that is punishable by death. This is known as the death penalty paradox. I've also seen this with parents who hit their child for hitting another child. Are you just as bad as them? are you worse because by submitting them to punishment for that action you know it is wrong but still take part? do you get punished? does that person that punishes you get punished? do they deserve it? the old saying is "'an eye for an eye' leaves the whole world blind". This case ends quite quickly with the death of the 'criminal', but let's expand this idea.
Two religious nations sit side by side. The two leaders decide one day to discuss their alternate religions. They both interpret the worshiping of the others God a great sin, "a golden calf is not a god!" says Pedoman69, to which WifeIsMySlave responds "we cannot even see your God, he must not even exist!". Them's fighting words according to how they were raised, their magical fairy book tells them an insult to their God is punishable by death, so the the priests poison each others wine. But unfortunately their texts also tell them to kill a member of their order is also deserving of death so a citizen of Narnia kills the poisoner from Neverland, by doing so he is killed so the other side responds, and the other side responds, and so on, and so on. And in doing so both sides have suffered so many casualties that a third nation takes over both countries.
On a smaller scale Stacy called Penny a bitch, Penny calls her fat, Stacy tells people Penny might be pregnant, Penny pulls Stacys dress down in front of the school, Stacy sleeps with Pennys boyfriend, Penny puts embarrassing pictures of Stacy on the internet, Stacy beats up Penny, etc, to them they are exacting punishment, you have wronged me, I shall wrong you, and it escalates until someone gives up, when is it right to stop?, does anyone benefit? was there justice in your action? can you prove their actions were wrong?
This makes you question what these words really mean, and realize that they mean different thing to different people. This makes you think am I doing the right thing? why do I think it's the right thing? are my teachers right? were my parents right? is society right? is the government right?. We ourselves have entered a new age with treaties, internet, atheism, anti-segregation, freedom of speech, gender roles being blurred, gay pride etc, things that would never exist in the past, but would you say these things are wrong? will people in the future say they are? who are you to say otherwise? what are you going to do about it?
TL;DR Justice, rights, and morals are a philosophy presented by whoever has the biggest gun, be it more people, evidence, or a nuclear bomb. | “Pirates are evil? The Marines are righteous? These terms have always changed throughout the course of history! Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values! Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right! This very place is neutral ground! Justice will prevail, you say? But of course it will! Whoever wins this war becomes justice!” *
― Donquixote Doflamingo
*translations may vary slightly
There is more versatility to this then it may seem to most, but let's start with its contextual significance. Doffy is basically saying how ridiculous it is to consider pirates as evil or marines as the force of good, they are considered virtuous because they themselves have defined the virtues, and anyone disagrees with their terms i.e their laws, they will be punished. He defines Marineford as neutral ground, but he doesn't mean Marineford itself, he means Marineford as it currently stands: a battlefield. Who is really the better side in this battle? one is putting the end to a dangerous criminal, one just wants their friend back, both sides are killing, both sides are fighting on behalf of somebody else, and enforcing their values unto others, every strike of a blade is a bang of a gavel, but unlike a courtroom there are no questions asked, there is no evidence, only judgement, and execution. There are no rules in a war, what are they going to do if you break the rules, kill you? that's what they're going to do anyway. The only way for it to end is for one side to be the only ones left standing, then if they want to say "we are the good guys", there is no-one to argue except the people that already agreed with them to begin with, that persons words are gospel, that person is justice. What is interesting here is that both sides also called for an end, Coby for marines, and Shanks for pirates. Who's to say either are true forces of evil or good if people from both sides can want the same results. Unfortunately, as with all wars, there were no winners. The pirates lost Ace, their brother, and Whitebeard, their father, the offspring of the pirate king fell as a representation of the end of the age of pirates, but as a results the marines lost Sengoku, Garp, and eventually Kuzan, and began the new age of pirates, an age that is sure to end their reign, be it good or otherwise.
This applies to the real world, for instance if you kill a man, that is punishable by death. This is known as the death penalty paradox. I've also seen this with parents who hit their child for hitting another child. Are you just as bad as them? are you worse because by submitting them to punishment for that action you know it is wrong but still take part? do you get punished? does that person that punishes you get punished? do they deserve it? the old saying is "'an eye for an eye' leaves the whole world blind". This case ends quite quickly with the death of the 'criminal', but let's expand this idea.
Two religious nations sit side by side. The two leaders decide one day to discuss their alternate religions. They both interpret the worshiping of the others God a great sin, "a golden calf is not a god!" says Pedoman69, to which WifeIsMySlave responds "we cannot even see your God, he must not even exist!". Them's fighting words according to how they were raised, their magical fairy book tells them an insult to their God is punishable by death, so the the priests poison each others wine. But unfortunately their texts also tell them to kill a member of their order is also deserving of death so a citizen of Narnia kills the poisoner from Neverland, by doing so he is killed so the other side responds, and the other side responds, and so on, and so on. And in doing so both sides have suffered so many casualties that a third nation takes over both countries.
On a smaller scale Stacy called Penny a bitch, Penny calls her fat, Stacy tells people Penny might be pregnant, Penny pulls Stacys dress down in front of the school, Stacy sleeps with Pennys boyfriend, Penny puts embarrassing pictures of Stacy on the internet, Stacy beats up Penny, etc, to them they are exacting punishment, you have wronged me, I shall wrong you, and it escalates until someone gives up, when is it right to stop?, does anyone benefit? was there justice in your action? can you prove their actions were wrong?
This makes you question what these words really mean, and realize that they mean different thing to different people. This makes you think am I doing the right thing? why do I think it's the right thing? are my teachers right? were my parents right? is society right? is the government right?. We ourselves have entered a new age with treaties, internet, atheism, anti-segregation, freedom of speech, gender roles being blurred, gay pride etc, things that would never exist in the past, but would you say these things are wrong? will people in the future say they are? who are you to say otherwise? what are you going to do about it?
TL;DR Justice, rights, and morals are a philosophy presented by whoever has the biggest gun, be it more people, evidence, or a nuclear bomb.
| OnePiece | t5_2rfz5 | ch65mfr | Pirates are evil? The Marines are righteous? These terms have always changed throughout the course of history! Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values! Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right! This very place is neutral ground! Justice will prevail, you say? But of course it will! Whoever wins this war becomes justice!” *
― Donquixote Doflamingo
*translations may vary slightly
There is more versatility to this then it may seem to most, but let's start with its contextual significance. Doffy is basically saying how ridiculous it is to consider pirates as evil or marines as the force of good, they are considered virtuous because they themselves have defined the virtues, and anyone disagrees with their terms i.e their laws, they will be punished. He defines Marineford as neutral ground, but he doesn't mean Marineford itself, he means Marineford as it currently stands: a battlefield. Who is really the better side in this battle? one is putting the end to a dangerous criminal, one just wants their friend back, both sides are killing, both sides are fighting on behalf of somebody else, and enforcing their values unto others, every strike of a blade is a bang of a gavel, but unlike a courtroom there are no questions asked, there is no evidence, only judgement, and execution. There are no rules in a war, what are they going to do if you break the rules, kill you? that's what they're going to do anyway. The only way for it to end is for one side to be the only ones left standing, then if they want to say "we are the good guys", there is no-one to argue except the people that already agreed with them to begin with, that persons words are gospel, that person is justice. What is interesting here is that both sides also called for an end, Coby for marines, and Shanks for pirates. Who's to say either are true forces of evil or good if people from both sides can want the same results. Unfortunately, as with all wars, there were no winners. The pirates lost Ace, their brother, and Whitebeard, their father, the offspring of the pirate king fell as a representation of the end of the age of pirates, but as a results the marines lost Sengoku, Garp, and eventually Kuzan, and began the new age of pirates, an age that is sure to end their reign, be it good or otherwise.
This applies to the real world, for instance if you kill a man, that is punishable by death. This is known as the death penalty paradox. I've also seen this with parents who hit their child for hitting another child. Are you just as bad as them? are you worse because by submitting them to punishment for that action you know it is wrong but still take part? do you get punished? does that person that punishes you get punished? do they deserve it? the old saying is "'an eye for an eye' leaves the whole world blind". This case ends quite quickly with the death of the 'criminal', but let's expand this idea.
Two religious nations sit side by side. The two leaders decide one day to discuss their alternate religions. They both interpret the worshiping of the others God a great sin, "a golden calf is not a god!" says Pedoman69, to which WifeIsMySlave responds "we cannot even see your God, he must not even exist!". Them's fighting words according to how they were raised, their magical fairy book tells them an insult to their God is punishable by death, so the the priests poison each others wine. But unfortunately their texts also tell them to kill a member of their order is also deserving of death so a citizen of Narnia kills the poisoner from Neverland, by doing so he is killed so the other side responds, and the other side responds, and so on, and so on. And in doing so both sides have suffered so many casualties that a third nation takes over both countries.
On a smaller scale Stacy called Penny a bitch, Penny calls her fat, Stacy tells people Penny might be pregnant, Penny pulls Stacys dress down in front of the school, Stacy sleeps with Pennys boyfriend, Penny puts embarrassing pictures of Stacy on the internet, Stacy beats up Penny, etc, to them they are exacting punishment, you have wronged me, I shall wrong you, and it escalates until someone gives up, when is it right to stop?, does anyone benefit? was there justice in your action? can you prove their actions were wrong?
This makes you question what these words really mean, and realize that they mean different thing to different people. This makes you think am I doing the right thing? why do I think it's the right thing? are my teachers right? were my parents right? is society right? is the government right?. We ourselves have entered a new age with treaties, internet, atheism, anti-segregation, freedom of speech, gender roles being blurred, gay pride etc, things that would never exist in the past, but would you say these things are wrong? will people in the future say they are? who are you to say otherwise? what are you going to do about it? | Justice, rights, and morals are a philosophy presented by whoever has the biggest gun, be it more people, evidence, or a nuclear bomb. |
markl3ster | Judging varies from show to show, locally and nationally. For the best idea, look at who is promoting your show and look at the results of those that placed well.
I've noticed that in some shows, judges favor stringier leaner guys, whereas others, they've strongly favored guys that are borderline bodybuilding. Again, its highly subjective. I'm about the same height as you and you'd likely be the top of class A or Somewhere in class B. For class B, the more successful guys land at around 155-165 at ~4-6% body fat, I've noticed most guys are about stage ready (in terms of bodyfat level) once they have a feathered serratus, and a solid christmas tree though this obviously varies from competitor to competitor.
Another thing to note, most guys look bigger and less conditioned in stage photos than they do in real life.
TLDR: Attend shows and see what judges are looking for, it varies.
EDIT: This is about NPC Men's Physique.... | Judging varies from show to show, locally and nationally. For the best idea, look at who is promoting your show and look at the results of those that placed well.
I've noticed that in some shows, judges favor stringier leaner guys, whereas others, they've strongly favored guys that are borderline bodybuilding. Again, its highly subjective. I'm about the same height as you and you'd likely be the top of class A or Somewhere in class B. For class B, the more successful guys land at around 155-165 at ~4-6% body fat, I've noticed most guys are about stage ready (in terms of bodyfat level) once they have a feathered serratus, and a solid christmas tree though this obviously varies from competitor to competitor.
Another thing to note, most guys look bigger and less conditioned in stage photos than they do in real life.
TLDR: Attend shows and see what judges are looking for, it varies.
EDIT: This is about NPC Men's Physique....
| bodybuilding | t5_2ql8s | ch6eo3m | Judging varies from show to show, locally and nationally. For the best idea, look at who is promoting your show and look at the results of those that placed well.
I've noticed that in some shows, judges favor stringier leaner guys, whereas others, they've strongly favored guys that are borderline bodybuilding. Again, its highly subjective. I'm about the same height as you and you'd likely be the top of class A or Somewhere in class B. For class B, the more successful guys land at around 155-165 at ~4-6% body fat, I've noticed most guys are about stage ready (in terms of bodyfat level) once they have a feathered serratus, and a solid christmas tree though this obviously varies from competitor to competitor.
Another thing to note, most guys look bigger and less conditioned in stage photos than they do in real life. | Attend shows and see what judges are looking for, it varies.
EDIT: This is about NPC Men's Physique.... |
Jasmine_lol | Not a single one. There were a few that lasted longer than the others but Its not the same now, now they are just friends on Facebook.. Met heaps of fun people through study and work, they are amazing people and I wouldn't change them for the world. Looking back its hard to imagine being friends with those people in the first place!
TL;DR- my life long best friends I have met after school | Not a single one. There were a few that lasted longer than the others but Its not the same now, now they are just friends on Facebook.. Met heaps of fun people through study and work, they are amazing people and I wouldn't change them for the world. Looking back its hard to imagine being friends with those people in the first place!
TL;DR- my life long best friends I have met after school
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6oik7 | Not a single one. There were a few that lasted longer than the others but Its not the same now, now they are just friends on Facebook.. Met heaps of fun people through study and work, they are amazing people and I wouldn't change them for the world. Looking back its hard to imagine being friends with those people in the first place! | my life long best friends I have met after school |
Ditchbuster | I had an absolutely amazing group of friends in high school. Sadly I have ended up farther then any of the rest of them. They still all hang out on occasion and we all try to get to a vacation every now and then. Recently this has been amazing with each in turn getting married and all of us coming together for the weddings. I have had more fun at those weddings then any others I have attended. We even have traditions now that we carry out at each others weddings. It is so fun to bring in the significant other and I think really helps bring the reception together too. It is really fun having a big group (15 to 20 with SOs) dancing and hanging out, helps keep the dance floor from dying off.
Overall I have been lucky to have some great friends from both high school and college. You really have to make an effort to keep in touch though esp if you are heading farther away. for example we originally had a blog and then transitioned to a mesg board (before there was facebook). We arranged time to meet up couple times a year in college to only once a year maybe now.
TL;DR If you all put in effort to stay in touch they will be some of the longest, best you will have. | I had an absolutely amazing group of friends in high school. Sadly I have ended up farther then any of the rest of them. They still all hang out on occasion and we all try to get to a vacation every now and then. Recently this has been amazing with each in turn getting married and all of us coming together for the weddings. I have had more fun at those weddings then any others I have attended. We even have traditions now that we carry out at each others weddings. It is so fun to bring in the significant other and I think really helps bring the reception together too. It is really fun having a big group (15 to 20 with SOs) dancing and hanging out, helps keep the dance floor from dying off.
Overall I have been lucky to have some great friends from both high school and college. You really have to make an effort to keep in touch though esp if you are heading farther away. for example we originally had a blog and then transitioned to a mesg board (before there was facebook). We arranged time to meet up couple times a year in college to only once a year maybe now.
TL;DR If you all put in effort to stay in touch they will be some of the longest, best you will have.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6r89d | I had an absolutely amazing group of friends in high school. Sadly I have ended up farther then any of the rest of them. They still all hang out on occasion and we all try to get to a vacation every now and then. Recently this has been amazing with each in turn getting married and all of us coming together for the weddings. I have had more fun at those weddings then any others I have attended. We even have traditions now that we carry out at each others weddings. It is so fun to bring in the significant other and I think really helps bring the reception together too. It is really fun having a big group (15 to 20 with SOs) dancing and hanging out, helps keep the dance floor from dying off.
Overall I have been lucky to have some great friends from both high school and college. You really have to make an effort to keep in touch though esp if you are heading farther away. for example we originally had a blog and then transitioned to a mesg board (before there was facebook). We arranged time to meet up couple times a year in college to only once a year maybe now. | If you all put in effort to stay in touch they will be some of the longest, best you will have. |
Muntanian | Only your close friends and not the acquaintances, I am still firm friends with my two best mates from high school despite living hours apart and being married. Its been eight years since I left and we are still best friends but I haven't spoken to the acquaintances since the day I left school and don't plan on it.
**tl;dr, Make a few great friends, they're the ones you stay in contact with.** | Only your close friends and not the acquaintances, I am still firm friends with my two best mates from high school despite living hours apart and being married. Its been eight years since I left and we are still best friends but I haven't spoken to the acquaintances since the day I left school and don't plan on it.
tl;dr, Make a few great friends, they're the ones you stay in contact with.
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6tetw | Only your close friends and not the acquaintances, I am still firm friends with my two best mates from high school despite living hours apart and being married. Its been eight years since I left and we are still best friends but I haven't spoken to the acquaintances since the day I left school and don't plan on it. | Make a few great friends, they're the ones you stay in contact with. |
mynameipaul | I don't know about other people, but I've lost contact with most of my highschool friends.
I still have one friend who I was close with since pre-school(and all through high school), and another close social group who's core is a few people I know from high school - but even they were friends I made towards the end of my last year.
**tl;dr I'm still close with a few people from highschool, but it's mostly incidental, and they certainly weren't my closest friends throughout highschool** | I don't know about other people, but I've lost contact with most of my highschool friends.
I still have one friend who I was close with since pre-school(and all through high school), and another close social group who's core is a few people I know from high school - but even they were friends I made towards the end of my last year.
tl;dr I'm still close with a few people from highschool, but it's mostly incidental, and they certainly weren't my closest friends throughout highschool
| AskReddit | t5_2qh1i | ch6f0pc | I don't know about other people, but I've lost contact with most of my highschool friends.
I still have one friend who I was close with since pre-school(and all through high school), and another close social group who's core is a few people I know from high school - but even they were friends I made towards the end of my last year. | I'm still close with a few people from highschool, but it's mostly incidental, and they certainly weren't my closest friends throughout highschool |
Perfect_Perception | As someone has told me time and time again "MGEs aren't about winning, they're about improving performance" he may have also had a few expletives and too much to drink the numerous times he's said it, but it doesn't make it any less relevant.
In short, what you can leans from a 20-0 MGE is what you put your mind towards learning. Go in with an idea, and focus on it during your training session. You'll find that you'll get less annoyed at the losses and more excited about progressing.
For example, I spent an entire afternoon practicing airshots in MGE. I lost every single game, a lot of them rather badly. But getting an airshot more and more consistently as the day went on was what I was looking to improve on, and that's what I did. Mind you, never abandon core gameplay of the class and ignore everything else in it's entirety, but instead allow yourself the opportunity for the practice. Again, with airshots as the example, Play the game, when you see them prepping to jump, give them the opportunity to jump so that you get the practice in. If you miss it, go for a kill and move on. If you don't get a kill, it doesn't matter, you're just trying to get to the next chance at an airshot as quickly as you can.
You can practice a litany of things with MGE, but it isn't a substitute for pure dm practice. Go to pubs and get the muscle memory there. Work on evasion, bombing, strafing, airshots, direct hits etc. one at a time.
To be honest, nobody is going to think any less of you for losing an MGE. Nobody cares, they're all there to practice and further themselves. The only people that are really assholes are the ones that use elo as a meter stick for their penis.
TL;DR: Measure success by progress, not by winning or losing. | As someone has told me time and time again "MGEs aren't about winning, they're about improving performance" he may have also had a few expletives and too much to drink the numerous times he's said it, but it doesn't make it any less relevant.
In short, what you can leans from a 20-0 MGE is what you put your mind towards learning. Go in with an idea, and focus on it during your training session. You'll find that you'll get less annoyed at the losses and more excited about progressing.
For example, I spent an entire afternoon practicing airshots in MGE. I lost every single game, a lot of them rather badly. But getting an airshot more and more consistently as the day went on was what I was looking to improve on, and that's what I did. Mind you, never abandon core gameplay of the class and ignore everything else in it's entirety, but instead allow yourself the opportunity for the practice. Again, with airshots as the example, Play the game, when you see them prepping to jump, give them the opportunity to jump so that you get the practice in. If you miss it, go for a kill and move on. If you don't get a kill, it doesn't matter, you're just trying to get to the next chance at an airshot as quickly as you can.
You can practice a litany of things with MGE, but it isn't a substitute for pure dm practice. Go to pubs and get the muscle memory there. Work on evasion, bombing, strafing, airshots, direct hits etc. one at a time.
To be honest, nobody is going to think any less of you for losing an MGE. Nobody cares, they're all there to practice and further themselves. The only people that are really assholes are the ones that use elo as a meter stick for their penis.
TL;DR: Measure success by progress, not by winning or losing.
| truetf2 | t5_2stfn | ch6fzab | As someone has told me time and time again "MGEs aren't about winning, they're about improving performance" he may have also had a few expletives and too much to drink the numerous times he's said it, but it doesn't make it any less relevant.
In short, what you can leans from a 20-0 MGE is what you put your mind towards learning. Go in with an idea, and focus on it during your training session. You'll find that you'll get less annoyed at the losses and more excited about progressing.
For example, I spent an entire afternoon practicing airshots in MGE. I lost every single game, a lot of them rather badly. But getting an airshot more and more consistently as the day went on was what I was looking to improve on, and that's what I did. Mind you, never abandon core gameplay of the class and ignore everything else in it's entirety, but instead allow yourself the opportunity for the practice. Again, with airshots as the example, Play the game, when you see them prepping to jump, give them the opportunity to jump so that you get the practice in. If you miss it, go for a kill and move on. If you don't get a kill, it doesn't matter, you're just trying to get to the next chance at an airshot as quickly as you can.
You can practice a litany of things with MGE, but it isn't a substitute for pure dm practice. Go to pubs and get the muscle memory there. Work on evasion, bombing, strafing, airshots, direct hits etc. one at a time.
To be honest, nobody is going to think any less of you for losing an MGE. Nobody cares, they're all there to practice and further themselves. The only people that are really assholes are the ones that use elo as a meter stick for their penis. | Measure success by progress, not by winning or losing. |
Zulimo | A note: I originally suggested this about a month ago and got a few responses similar to a few here, in the sense of "That's lame, he should get a serious skin, etc"
I would contest that while its not super "serious" (I guess he's not throwing two shrunken heads tied together...is that what you mean by serious?), it would require some creativity on the skin designers part to make it work. Additionally, I would expect it to sell pretty well (I presume the Holiday skins do at least OK and this is an event that happens once every four years. However, unlike the floor exercise or the luge; most people, American or otherwise, care about it).
TL;DR - World cup skin is not lame =) | A note: I originally suggested this about a month ago and got a few responses similar to a few here, in the sense of "That's lame, he should get a serious skin, etc"
I would contest that while its not super "serious" (I guess he's not throwing two shrunken heads tied together...is that what you mean by serious?), it would require some creativity on the skin designers part to make it work. Additionally, I would expect it to sell pretty well (I presume the Holiday skins do at least OK and this is an event that happens once every four years. However, unlike the floor exercise or the luge; most people, American or otherwise, care about it).
TL;DR - World cup skin is not lame =)
| Smite | t5_2stl8 | ch7aq38 | A note: I originally suggested this about a month ago and got a few responses similar to a few here, in the sense of "That's lame, he should get a serious skin, etc"
I would contest that while its not super "serious" (I guess he's not throwing two shrunken heads tied together...is that what you mean by serious?), it would require some creativity on the skin designers part to make it work. Additionally, I would expect it to sell pretty well (I presume the Holiday skins do at least OK and this is an event that happens once every four years. However, unlike the floor exercise or the luge; most people, American or otherwise, care about it). | World cup skin is not lame =) |
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