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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I have taken LSD a total of 5 times in my life. I took my first tab of LSD in September of 2007. Out of those 5 times I have really only tripped 3 because two times I got ripped off with weak/fake/bullshit blotter. The fifth time I took LSD was on February 25, 2008. This was my experience.
<br>
<br>
My friends and I had been looking for LSD in our area ever since our last trip together in December 2007. When we heard about a whole sheet (10 ten-strips, ie 100 tabs of LSD) that had come through, we were all over it. We bought a ten-strip for $100. The pricing was a little higher than usual for a strip, but since our area was unusually dry, we jumped on the opportunity. I was going to take two tabs of it before the Dark Star Orchestra concert that was coming through that night. I received the two tabs in tinfoil at school that day (Monday) and couldn't help but drop them right there in the bathroom stall. I hadn't tripped in two months, so I was incredibly anxious - my first mistake.
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<br>
7:15am - Time of consumption. I tossed my head back and put the two tabs onto my tongue. I begin to suck on them and knead them between my teeth. After about 3 minutes, I swallowed them and drank some water from a water fountain.
<br>
<br>
7:20am - First period starts. I started to tell I was tripping at 7:40am - just 25 minutes after I dropped them. I usually don't feel it until about 45 - 60 minutes after consumption.
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<br>
At about 7:50am, I was feeling uncomfortable. I knew I was starting to trip, but I started to feel slightly nauseous as well. I was starting to experience extreme visual trailing. Everything was trailing, more so than I have ever experienced.
<br>
<br>
7:55am - I began to think I wouldn't be able to handle the rest of the day at school. I tried for about 5 minutes to write a pass to go to the nurse, but I couldn't think or write clear enough. I started to get more and more intense visuals. The green and black blotches that I see on people's skin when I'm tripping are starting to show themselves, and they become extremely evident by now. I was about to experience the most intense visual trip I have ever had.
<br>
<br>
8:00am - I got a pass signed by my first period teacher to go the clinic to call my mom to come get me. I wasn't freaking out, but I felt that if I had stayed at school, I might have.
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<br>
8:05am - I arrived at the clinic and told the nurse I was feeling nauseous, I might throw up, even though by this point I really didn't feel like I was, and I need to get my mom to take me home. I have a seat, and she tries to call my mom.
<br>
<br>
8:10am - My mom hasn't answered the nurse's calls. I figured it was because she doesn't answer for numbers she doesn't know sometimes. So I tried to convince the nurse to let me use my cell phone to call my mom because she would know it was me and answer. No. Didn't let me do that. All I wanted to do was talk to my mom to reassure myself that she would come get me, but when I realized I couldn't talk to her and she wasn't coming as of this point, I started to get pissed, slightly scared, and annoyed.
<br>
<br>
8:15am - The nurse said I couldn't stay and needed to go back to class. The bell for third period rang (block scheduling, so it's the second period of the day technically). I left the clinic and set off to find my third period - Latin III.
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<br>
8:18am - I tried to find some of my friends in the hallways and tell them I was in a semi-bad way. I wasn't having a bad trip by any means at this point; it was just extremely discomforting and unusual - yet so intense and interesting.
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<br>
8:20am - I experienced the most intense hallucination I have ever had. I was walking down the main hallway when I realized everyone was walking and talking like they were being sped up. It seems like an exaggeration, but I felt like I was watching an extreme time lapse of people walking to class. I couldn't understand a single thing anyone was saying. All I heard was the overwhelming voices of literally, backwards talking. It felt like I was standing in a river of rushing people and everyone was blurring passed me at incredible, unnatural speeds. I had always heard about people experiencing things such as this on LSD, but until this point I had never experienced something so unique/intense so I never fully understood or believed it until it happened.
<br>
<br>
8:24am - I finally found one of my friends who had paid for the ten-strip. I told him I took the two tabs before school and when I saw him I said, 'It's not good man! It's not good! I'm not having a bad trip, I just can't handle this here; it's too intense.' He reassures it will be ok. So after I see him I finally find my Latin class where I feel so awkward. Seeing these high-strung grade-grubbers while I was on acid was so unusual. They just looked weird and too different. The green and black blotching on people's skin was increasing enormously at this point.
<br>
<br>
8:25am - The bell for the start of third period rings. There is no teacher. A few minutes later, an extremely fat and black woman that talked like she had a mental disability walked in - our substitute. Everyone started chuckling, and as I would usually immaturely join in, I just looked at her. I thought, 'Wow, I can't even laugh - this is just too unusual to take as a joke - the one day I come in trippin, my teacher isn't there and there is an extremely comical figure before me. I can't handle anymore.'
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<br>
8:28am - I looked around as everyone started working on our busy work assignment to do all class with each other. I just put my backpack on and walked out of the class without saying a word to the substitute. I told a few friends in the class that I was just sick and wanted to go home. They had no idea I was on LSD until the next day.
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<br>
8:30am - I'm walking around the empty halls by myself. By this point, I believe my extremely long peak was starting. I was walking down the main hall as the walls, as they usually did for me on acid, were breathing profusely. I had no idea where the fuck to go.
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<br>
8:34am - I wandered back to the clinic to see if my mom had called back. The nurse was being a total bitch and said, 'I told you to go back to class! We'll come get you if your mom calls back!' Fuck her. I just left and tried to find a place that my cell phone got reception in. I went to a secondary stairwell where I attempted to call my mom. It took me 3 minutes to dial the right numbers because the visuals were so overwhelming I couldn't see what I was dialing. I couldn't get a strong enough signal to continue the call, so as the phone is too my ear, a teacher comes up the stairs and looks at me weird. 'Is that a cell phone?' she asks. 'Oh yes,' being pathetic, 'but see I'm just calling my mommy!!!' I show her the phone to show that it says 'Calling Mom..' But she's like you still have to put it away. 'You're absolutely right. You know what you're right I'm sorry I'll go right back to class.' I turned around and ran down the stairs. I know I must have sounded like a schizo or a crackhead. It was just so unnerving because I was being restricted from talking to my mom.
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<br>
8:40am - I found myself in the bathroom stall, not knowing what to do next. My visual hallucinations were increasing tremendously. My visuals by this point were very similar to the effect produced when heat is coming off of the road or a car. I kept tripping harder and harder as time went on. I remained in the stall for a few minutes, thinking of where to go. I go back to the clinic.
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<br>
8:45am - Finally, the nurse says she'll try one more time to call my mom. She finally answers. I tell her I'm sick and want to come home. I started to feel reassured. I have to go back to class to get a pass signed from the third period substitute in order for me to stay in the clinic until my mom arrived.
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<br>
8:50am - I went back to my third period where the substitute didn't even realize I came back, nor left in the first place. I told her I needed to go to the clinic. All I remember her doing is motioning her hand from her head outwards, and she said, 'Are you out? Are you leaving here? Are you GONE?' All I could think was that she meant I was leaving my mind or reality. Which I totally was, but how could she know? I realize what she said and let out a sigh of relief. She signs the pass and I go back to the clinic. The nurse looks at the pass and then the signature. The signature is literally just the capitals T.A.W. 'Did you even go back to class?' the nurse asks. 'Who's T.A.W.?' she asks accusingly as if I had forged it. 'WHAT THE HELL. YOU CAN SEND ONE OF THESE KIDS DOWN WITH ME I DON'T KNOW, SHE'S SOME FAT BLACK CHICK.' I blew up right in her face and she got scared. 'Well I just wanted to make sure she knew where you were.' Anyway, I laid down on the bed and listened to my iPod. My hands started to feel clammy and sweaty which lasted all day. I remember thinking, 'Wow, all these kids are here in the clinic because they are sick - I am here because I took LSD in school.'
<br>
<br>
9:10am - My mom arrives to come get me. I leave the school with the feeling of intense relief. On the drive home, however, I started to feel hot. I tell my mom, and then she turns on the A/C. I roll down the window where I find myself throwing up a small amount. I try my best to lean out the window as far as possible so as to not get the running boards dirty. My mom pulls over about a mile from our house while I finish. This actually worked out because it made it look like I really was leaving school because I was sick. It really wasn't that much, but right after I threw up, all of my unnerving feelings, uncomfortable feelings, and previous overall discomfort was totally gone. It was 9:30am and I began to have an amazing trip for the rest of the day. I believe the throwing up can be explained by my lack of breakfast or anything to eat that morning. However, I rarely have time for breakfast and that has never happened to me before.
<br>
<br>
9:30am - My mom dropped me off at the house while she left. I had the house to myself to trip in. I immediately laid down and watched TV for about 10 minutes. I felt like I wanted to sleep for a little bit because I was a little tired, but I never did. So after I realized I wouldn't be able to sleep, I listened to my favorite band, Radiohead. I listened to them all day.
<br>
<br>
~10:00am - I decided to smoke a little bit of pot to see what would happen. After raising one gravity bong, I took it without even knowing I took it - it just seemed like air, and there were no immediate noticeable differences in effects. What a waste, I thought.
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<br>
After that I began to pay less and less attention to time because I was losing my sense of it. I was getting auditory and visual hallucinations until I went to sleep at 2am - a 17-hour trip. I had never tripped that long before. Although I don't know the exact dosing on these tabs, I believe it was extremely high because I took three tabs of different LSD before in December, and up until this time, it was the most intense trip I had - however, it wasn't extremely visual but extremely mental. I believe the acid I took in December was something called Purple Fluff, Pink Fluff, something like that? Something fluff. But this time I only dropped two tabs of this newly-bought LSD, and I was totally spun - way, way more than I had ever been.
<br>
<br>
Although I never stopped hallucinating during the 17-hour trip, the visuals came in big waves. I'd be sitting at my computer at about 8pm and just the text on the screen would start to move and float. But then, all of a sudden, the entire monitor would stretch and deform itself at extreme and dramatic rates. Then after about 4-10 minutes, I would return to the 'baseline trip' (not actually baseline). This similar effect continued pretty much the entire night until I went to sleep at 2am.
<br>
<br>
Throughout my trip, I tried to explain what I was experiencing to my friends who had never done it before - it was incredibly difficult. It is not only difficult to describe acid trips normally, but even harder to do while tripping. I would feel like what I said made sense, but then the person wouldn't understand and I would try to explain further and further until I had lost sense of what I was trying to say in the first place.
<br>
<br>
Throughout the comedown, which I deduced was from about 6-7pm to 2am, I experienced the effects (visuals) in waves. It was hard to tell when I was coming down because I'd be just getting out of a visual wave, and I'd think, 'Well, I took it at 7:15am - it should be wearing off by now.' But whenever I thought that, the effects would rush back and it felt like I was peaking all over again.
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<br>
The next day, I felt amazing. I wasn't tired at all, just anxious to describe my experience to everyone. I felt out of it during the first part of the morning, getting slight visuals every so often. When I got home at 2pm, about 30 hours after consumption, I smoked some headies and was totally out of it. Then, I started to hallucinate again. The effects felt like they did at 3pm from the previous day (only about 8 hours after consumption). I was starting to trip again.
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<br>
I did this throughout the day, smoking every 2-4 hours. This brought back the effects every time; however, they started to get less and less intense after each additional time I smoked trying to bring them back.
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<br>
This was the most eye-opening experience of my life. I feel like I never even knew the full potential of LSD until now. Now where to get some more…<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 69470</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 23, 2008</td><td>Views: 7,647</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=69470&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=69470&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Hangover / Days After (46), School (35)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/smarts/modafinil/">Modafinil</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">75 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">230 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
On a road trip to Vegas I took some Provigil to stay frosty. This is a non amphetamine stimulant for shift workers and narcoleptics. After six hours, once I arrived at the hotel, I took 75 mics of acid. <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> I usually take 100 but didn't want to go too far down the rabbit hole. I guess I still had a little pro-v onboard because I noticed a lot of visuals, much more than I would have expected. I felt really nervous for about 2 hours before I settled into what would have been a normal trip. Each time I've used these together I would say it increased the intensity of the trip by 50% and the duration by 30%. I did not find it to be a pleasant experience and would not recommend it. These two drugs should probably not be taken in the same day; it is too hard to tell when the Provigil has worn off.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 77413</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 11, 2009</td><td>Views: 20,030</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=77413&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=77413&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Modafinil (217) : Unknown Context (20), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
<span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: This report was submitted as a 5-MeO-AMT report, however the writer does not provide any reasoning for the deviation. In the reviewer's opinion, the effects described below are reasonably consistent with LSD.]</span>
<br>
<br>
Since one of my friends tried it last year, I'd wanted to get my hands on some LSD badly. But it wasn't until a girl at work had told me that she had some. She said that her dealer had sold her good acid, and that she trusted him. That was good enough for her.
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She gave me the little pieces of paper, and I kept them cold and in the darkness like I'd been told to. Today it was decided amongst me and a friend that today was the right day to do it. We took the paper out, and each took two hits (I took a little more).
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+00 That entire day I'd been smoking hash and very potent marijuana, so I was already pretty blazed. But once it hit, I really started to experience everything strangely.
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+2:00 I'm really trying to put the effects into words, but it's tough. I feel, out of body, and thinking about everything rapidly. And I feel hot, beginning to drink lots of water. Due to an unforseen circumstance, my friend had to leave early so I was completely alone with only some online friends to keep me grounded. My whole body felt strange. Typing becomes difficult and strained. Yet I have incredible energy too.
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+4:00 I've forgotten what spelt words look like.
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+4:30 I'm beginning to see faces in the darkness of my room. I feel strangely at peace with the world, and somewhat safe, although this emotion comes and goes. Seconds later I feel sad and scared, almost like a little baby, helpless. I begin to think about my father, and how much he cares about me, and I'm able to accept it and cry for the first time in a year.
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+5:00 I'm drinking insane amounts of water. I can never seem to get enough.
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+11:30 I'm a pretty big stoner, and I tried DXM once, but I've never felt anything like this. It's so close to soberness at times that I even question if I'm really on a drug at all, then shifts into boundless thoughts and ideas. The entire idea of reality begins to melt away and I realize that nothing is real. That is what I love about this drug! My sense of time is completely gone. It's been almost 12 hours since I took the dose. And I'm still feeling strange. I can remember taking the dose, and it seems so amazingly far, and yet close.
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Okay, well the experience is over (after 15 hours). During the peak, I became uncontrollably emotional, crying into my pillow for minutes at a time. Music was also really interesting: I was able to listen to it forever, and if my mind didn't like what was being played, it simply switched it off. Sometimes I didn't hear anything, when I realized I did.
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<br>
I truly cannot describe what this drug is like. I had an absolute blast, although I would have liked to have had more marijuana and some friends along for the ride. Oh well.
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Tips: This drug made me VERY VERY thirsty, although at first I did not want water, it was a very very good idea to have a lot nearby. I drank close to 5 gallons in a period of 12 hours with no stopping. I want more water!
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<br>
The trip can be scary. But I reminded myself that it's only a drug. I did 2 hits alone, on my first time. It was stupid. Be smarter then I am and get a sitter. And don't fucking take too much.
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<br>
Have fun and be safe!<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 61840</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 1, 2009</td><td>Views: 5,880</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=61840&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=61840&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This is on acid.
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<br>
Vibrating.
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Shifting.
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<br>
Waiting for something,
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<br>
I have to write.
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I’m trying to leave this for your records.
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There is a lot of chaos.
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<br>
____
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<br>
Translation and reflection into the morning.
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<br>
I’m still seeing the sickly glow. I’m ignoring the ache telling me to stop this writing. It’s a ball of insecurities and personal inhibitions. A monster whispering I am just going to fail and fail. This is getting me no where. This is all hopeless and fruitless.
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<br>
We dropped acid, Friday, October 31st, Halloween. Did nothing all that day, doting and floating around, adrift, avoiding that meaningful place, although, I found it for a moment, peddling and paddling on a iphone, determined to finish a simple ball and hole game I felt had accumulated the existence of life in one simple meaningful truth; persevere.
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<br>
There is an understanding I have with the universe now. There are users and there are sobers. I seem to have found an identity with being a user. But just like a religion, I’m picking and choosing of the culture what I actually want to integrate.
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<br>
It’s my personal interpretation. And I’ve finally realized that is ok. Sacrificing my health and time for a larger purpose; contributing my small part in driving to the answer we’ll never get to. But it’s all about the journey.
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<br>
Breaking out of that ugliness I see in my physical self. That’s what this night has been trying to drive to. Breaking free, waiting and running into a loop.
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<br>
I need to try harder to record concrete events. All of my thoughts and disconnected from any form of driving events.
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<br>
Yes, yes, I agree. I am most likely going to turn into a user, but it makes sense. It’s the truth I was trying to hide from, but something I knew was going to inevitably occur.
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<br>
The start of the rest of my life? That started a long time ago. I’m just punching in the time card.
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<br>
I found a new place, I’m not sure if I want to come back. It seems as if I can perpetually run from this space, at least I can write from here. I just have to lock in this frame of mind; where it really doesn’t matter, and that’s the truth. And so we ask this fundamental question; why the hell not?
<br>
<br>
Ok, so at first, it was extremely uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure what to expect. Just mainly hallucinating, bazaar visuals, and goofy tripping for a long set of hours, ticking away. Didn’t realize the sudden enveloping, quickening suffocation of psychological babble that would soon ensue. I was hesitant to make the jump. I was already on the boat and I could see the land, and near enough to jump off and swim to the shore, but the water was wet and cold and I was going to ride out the tide.
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The first thing I noticed, my cheeks were burning and throbbing. My first realization: I smile too much. I smile too much to please, only because I knew my face was most attractive when I smiled. It was always for other people and the muscles in my face were pumped full of the guilt of it. I kept pressing it in, trying to force my expression into seriousness. Throughout my journey, there was an ache to try and take it seriously, but that grip on reality was elusive, beyond capturing. I entered into a phase of just chasing, like a dog fascinated by his tail. The evening was just small circles, pooling in and out.
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I was quickly becoming aware of people. This is like the process of writing and recording a dream I’ve only just woken up from and now I’m trying to interpret and recall the details. We were hovering on the porch, inside in the living room, up into the acid lounge. Lacy dressed as something humorous, as Shake from ATHF. It was cute, and I began to intently focus on her as a person. I was acknowledging my interest and attraction to her. I was feeling as if I was studying her in the same light as I feel like E studies me sometimes. The feeling that was the exact thing that I was trying to capture into the group, yet simultaneously trying to desperately escape from. Unsettling. I grew self-conscious, I hope I wasn’t making her uncomfortable. Well, I had the excuse, I was on acid.
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We had followed a group down to a party, or to the house of where a party might be taking place. It was dead, but we had such a large group, we were our own small insta-party. I went in and Lacy and I danced in circles, I blew bubbles. There was a particular collage on one of the walls. They looked like children’s drawings, but had clearly been contrived by intelligence too far matured to truly try and capture the child-like mind process behind the construction of a work of art. We can only remember and pretend.
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This night was just one of remembering, all of my memories compressing and folding to the existence I was, the being that was following this aimless string like path into the mountains.
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I knew if I looked at a picture for too long, it would change, tremblingly hopefully into the third dimension, curious and unsuccessful except within my own imagination. Everything was vibrating anyway, and it was only accentuated in matter of visual representation, mostly artwork. I could see each layer of the drawing filtering and flittering in and out. The way I had felt on the serge of a pot wave, being stoned beyond my capacity to accept this existence. This was just less fuzzy, and yet more subtle. But the funny aesthetics were not something I was intent on focusing on, so they were quickly ignored and lost, or overlooked. There were visual, residual memories from other drug induced experiences, ghosting in and out, reminding, like physical sensational memories.
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I recall looking at my iphone, the icons were shifting and shaking and there was a sticky pressure gently tugging at my irises. I couldn’t focus on the screen; lines were floating disconnected like refrigerator magnet poetry. Writing on my laptop wasn’t meant to happen. It was probably going to distract me from the experience anyway, so I feel like it was telling me, coaching me along to another place, another fragile frame of mind that is so easily influenced by the outside environment.
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What next? We were walking, we could have just kept walking. Lacy was distracting. I’m going to be using that term a lot, because every moment was hung on trying to escape it. This is going to be jarred and unlinear, but this is the only available method I have at this time. We were sitting in the front. Lacy struck me as so peculiar to watch. Adorable in her simple cute childlike manor, charming in her catlike apathy and indifference, yet still fundamentally insecure, struggling inside, turbulent just as the rest of us. Unsure, moment by moment, perspectives changing and rearranging; only following confirmed acknowledgements, we have agreed to carry day to day.
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There is much we tend to carry; burdens we’ve compiled on ourselves, unknowingly, perversely.
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She was yelling out at people. I was wondering how her thoughts were being constructed inside of her head. What were the accumulative little decisions she was making motivating each of her small behaviors. What was the process behind yelling out at people, sitting in the middle of the lawn, looking at strange objects, belching randomly, swaying around, shortly clinging and unclinging when self realized that she had been clinging. For fun, for herself, for attention, for that personality she had constructed and was extroverting? It was amusing and strange to watch her, and yet try and interact with her. In fact all human interaction was becoming bizarrely trivial and meaningless and unsettling. When I started to feel the burn and drive to be by myself, I wasn’t sure, but it quickly consumed the rest of my trip.
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There was a swing, and I sat there with her for a small eternity, in simple fluffy bliss and infatuated euphoria. She laughed and swung and swayed in that alluring childish way that I’ve learned to love, and I was happy to be sharing this existence with her in that significant moment; watching other costumed creatures haunt and stalk the streets in search of a buzz, a peak, and serge. All waiting and wanting and pushing to chaos under the black moon, a sliver in the sky.
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It was warm most of the night, mostly hot, thick like sweat in the air. There was a rock in the ground shaped like a heart. I had seen it before I thought, I had been in this moment before, but it was the optical illusion of the circular spinning motion of the drug, of all the times my perception has been altered and shifted away and into else. An else mangled with nostalgia and déjà vu, the keys into understanding the current of life itself. A place I manage to explore each time these doors are opened, and information overflows, streaming through me like static electricity. She pointed the rock out and said “This is how I feel about you M.J. I heart you.” I wasn’t sure what she exactly meant. I wondered and doubted whether or not she meant it the way I suddenly felt it reflecting toward her. “I heart you too Lacy.” Metaphorically and literally. I lingered around her as much as I could that night. I wish she had been with me, but I also understood that it was probably better that she eventually fade into the other bedlam of festive activities magnetically pulling people in, in relation to location and susceptibility. I’m not sure if she had the greatest Halloween. She seemed greatly disappointed in something, reflecting that into herself.
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On that seat, swinging from the arms of blacked out trees and missing stars, I was content to linger there, stuck and numb in between. Looking back, I felt like the sky was full of missing teeth, pulled loose from the toxic light pollution, inevitable evidence of our clotting of the mother stream.
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Where was the decision to move? To go back to Arrakis, our base, our home ground; the place we were investing our hopes of security and enclosement from the outside sobers, and yet the chaos outside invaded and raped our surroundings until there was no small corner left to escape. I had the blinding itch to escape, to be away.
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We were back. They were watching “Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas” on the television. My time had suddenly become finite and precious. I wanted to find quality things to spend it on, and loosing myself in a movie wasn’t exactly what I had been searching for, although, now I realize how important that movie is soon to become to me. I was sitting in the corner of the couch. Lacy was sitting there with me momentarily, but left in an effort to redirect her energies to what she was meaning to do for the night. It was still early. I could hardly believe it had only been a few hours. What was I waiting for? I was nervous and anxious. Tightly winding up my springs inside, not sure of the involuntary motions that would shortly ensue, but aware that it would be something in the shape of a toy music monkey clapping and snapping cymbals like a clown.
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Moments were being lost, anxiety, unable to stay still unless sitting, and even then relentless questioning of where and when and why I should be sitting. I kept making a motion to move and halfway going and suddenly stopping, going back. Hesitant to actually do anything. What actually needs to be done anyhow? The same messages repeated over and over again, I needed it not to matter, so I could be set to work, there was work to be done, and I had to find it by myself.
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In that constant fluid of wondering and waiting, there was a moment I grew incredibly constricted with my costume. I had made up my mind to change, but it seemed to take extraneous effort to move there, to get to my room. It took several hours, picking up on different distractions. Things were occurring all around me. I was thinking too much, studying too much. People were too peculiar. This thought process had been borrowed from a memory before. I had located it and installed it into my mind, like changing out the filter in a lens, so I could just dwell and explore. I felt like I had the freedom to explore, explore this issue that I could not construct into meaningful words, a loose concept I couldn’t tie down. It was the answer. I was glimmering full faced into the truth. I understood that it was fleeting and momentary. That I would never be able to capture it completely into words, and yet it would stay with my and perpetually drive me to try. I would never really “get it”, the epiphany I was expecting really didn’t exist. I kept running over in my mind, waiting, waiting for the inevitable.
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Outside of myself, but yet still only of myself. I grew weary and annoyed that I was exploring that same loops and circles I was always. I suddenly realize it was one of the things holding me back. It seemed so easy to dismiss it then, but when I tried, I realized how little control I actually had over it. Outside. How else can I really express it? The sensation of flatness and material time vibrating this existence I had during an earlier ripe high, was clearer here. I failed then to gather the words I wanted to use. I feel like I have to carefully sketch it out, filling in the space gradually. Human interaction was warped and twisted. I was finding it hard to naturally predict reactions, a method I used unconsciously everyday modulating and altering how I choose to behave. It made little sense to me then, I was questioning everyone’s motivation. I was concentrating on trying to enter their mind, trying to perceive their reflection of the event we were all witnessing.
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The circle was shrinking. Object permeance was a nuisance, so it was quickly discarded. I only needed to acknowledge what I could see presently around me. What existence was occurring outside of this space mattered little to me. I was here, existing here. I was choosing and controlling, or at least under the illusion of control; trying to influence the environment around me, constructing until I felt comfortable, yet never reaching that security. I was thrown out to sea now, there was no going back.
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I was liberated; there was nothing I absolutely had to do. I could do whatever I wanted. But then what? I struggled to shake that lingering nag that I was being irresponsible, spinning out of control, loosing my self in a world of mind altering drug trips that I would never recover from. It was permanently damaging. What was I doing to my body? I asked myself this several times.
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Clothes, I was in my room, I had decided to change. Charles was with me, he had agreed to take me downstairs and stand outside my door while I changed. I was looking for his camera. I was wanting to find a means to record the night, it was important to me to find other means of post marking passing though this particular bent slice and section in time, memory proved repeatedly unreliable. I couldn’t capture all of it, I knew, I would have to accept that most would be lost and washed away. All of it sensory, short-term, long term connections decaying.
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He took my hand and we left downstairs. There were a few things distracting me. I was nervous and pacing, my feet refused to stay still, legs stretching up like a cat’s. Somehow we made it to my room. I lingered there; waddling in all of my wasteful material things I had condition to be a part of my identity. This was where I existed, and moved, and breathed and was. A place I had complete control to move, to change. I was suddenly tied down and suffocating underneath the weight of it, tired of the sight of having seen and worn and worked and handled so many of the same things, tediously everyday. Savagely trying to contain it, balancing it like a tottering ball of garbage on the small point of a tumbling incline. Why were these things important to me? Why did I have so many things? I had to fight the idea of cleaning it out, burning it all down, fully de-toxing the soul of this consumer junk I kept accumulating. I knew that would take up the rest of the night, and would be a waste and regret in the morning. These things weren’t really me, why was I trying to define myself against them. They were a poor representation, something I was trying to construct just for the sake of others to see.
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I ran in circles about clothes. Nothing satisfied me or pulled my attention to wear. This was a purely arbitrary task, something easily and effortlessness done in everyday. But I was nowhere near everyday. I had been pushed into something else. This was a different world, it had just been reconstructed, just as on salvia, clipped and cut up and turned upside down. The world was inside and out, and I could imagine feeling up the seems. I was extending my motion in time from beginning to end and all I could feel was from the time I ate and to the time I knew would soon arrive, but was unsure how or when. It was separate, unworldly, inconsistent and in a dream.
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People began to crowd, following in curiosity, I felt guilty having strung these people along. Why were they here? They weren’t just for me; I had to force myself to realize this. They weren’t here for me, they were wondering around just like me, locked inside their own heads. Lost souls communicating, trying to reach out and understand. I realize now how far removed from consistent reality I was. It was my vanity speaking to me, I was plagued by the pressing responsibility of the feeling that I had to entertain all of them somehow, bring out the person they came to see, to perform. It was vain to think they had come to see me, that they were focused on me; they were only focused on themselves, just like I was. Different perspectives were fighting a brutal war in my head. It was self-absorbed to think that just I was lending them some sense of meaning I was finding from my own point of view. I refused to let myself try and be a magnet. I was just driven to want to be alone, relinquishing and rebuking attention. I was wanting to get rid of it together. Attention, but the more I fought getting it, the more I seemed to make as if I wanted it, and the more I seemed to get. It was an anti-pull to my push. It was increasingly difficult to try and find myself alone. I shut my closet, and listened until they left. There was a small relief, yet, sullen in confirmation from another looped and repeated realization, they were not here for me, I was here for me; they were there for themselves and only themselves. I took up very little space in their minds, I was a fleeting tracer, briefly illuminating their landscape, distraction, introspection, and I was gone. They were making small notes of me, just as I was making of small note of them, all in relation to themselves. I was alone. It hit me hard and true. I had already known, it wasn’t anything new, but under the veil of this crazed insane drug, it was making itself blindingly aware. Alone, but I was there, comfortably alone.
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I finally used the bathroom, something normal on all accounts, silly to think procedural. A normal habitual act. I finished and went to the sink to wash my hands, and then looked up into the mirror. Well, there I was looking back at myself. There I was. Suddenly it gripped me. I needed t be alone. I had to be alone with this person I saw there in the mirror. Was I feeding my pet vanity? Had it become some beast, conscious and looming and disconnecting from myself? There was the me that I saw normally. Ugly and flawed and loosing control. I looked at myself and said “Where have you taken us now Jennifer?” Smiling, eyes deforming into slits. Laughing nervously at some small joke to myself. The sensation and running argument I had been churning in the back of my brain about intolerance of personal ticks washed in for a moment and briefly washed out again. It was funny to be talking to myself in the mirror. I had done it before. For a brief moment I wondered if other people also shared this private habit of acknowledging themselves in the mirror. But my attention quickly shifted again and then it wasn’t me speaking in the mirror. It was wearing my face and using my expressions, but the sheer joking act of referring to myself in third person had summoned something.
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It was in the eyes, glimmering like soundless music. I could see it there, intelligence beyond and separate of my own, devising working from the shadows. It was something I had been numbly aware of throughout the passage of time. It had lingered there like white noise. In the background all along running as consistent as I. Then there was a sharp awareness, like noticing a trivial detail that had always been hidden in the obvious. There it was; I was bringing attention to it.
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It was she. I had acknowledged her before. I had played pretend with the idea, wrote about her, imagining her there in those moments so lonely and lost, they rose to the brink of overpowering consumption. She would squeeze my waist as I glided on my scooter into the dark some chilled solitary nights, and whisper in my ear the words I heard rarely meaningfully from anyone, “I love you. No matter what you do, I will always be here, I will always love you.” It was just a fantasy. Short and simple and private. It was for me, just me alone. Something to compensate for the disassociation of the social world I grew and fed and burned forward while in my isolation. It seemed silly, but it was only for me. No one else was ever to know. I forgot about her quickly, when other detracting social opportunities finally and forcefully opened.
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But there she was now. Looking strait into me and through me, like I was transparent. Now I understood what Luke had meant when he told me that every once in a while, he caught a glimpse of a person, intelligent and fierce, that “scared the shit out of him.” That person could see right through him, right into his core, seeing him ugly and exposed, beyond his carefully constructed fronts meant to cover his darker truths. He tried to drive that person out of me once; he wanted me to answer his questions. He wanted the hard and true reality, what I truly and exactly saw of him, unbent by polite and conventional reservations. I knew what I saw; I could see his blemishes as clear as the spread of acne infecting the entire area of his face. It was there, his motivations, drivers and reasoning, buried under a turbulent push and pull of frustration and giving in. But I couldn’t pull it out of me, I couldn’t form it into words and articulate it into constructive meaningful criticism. I was also held back by the urge not to acknowledge that I knew, to hide that I had this kind of sight. I was telling myself that it was just a wish, that I couldn’t give into the wish because it wasn’t real. I also wanted to keep him ignorant. If there was some gift in me as he described, he didn’t deserve access to it. It was easier to make people underestimate you, and so his comment was interpreted as pointless flattery I shouldn’t let get to my head.
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Yet, as I stood looking there, strait into the mirror, locked pupils gazing, a fear gripped my stomach like a cold hand. I was afraid of that person there looking back at me. I suddenly felt a raging serge of an instant collection of emotions I had directed toward myself overtime. I hated and loved myself equally. My expressions were changing involuntarily. I wasn’t entirely sure I was controlling the face I was seeing front of me. She was rising and falling, emerging in and out. I could tell when it was her and it was me. When I saw just me, my face was ugly, but when she was there, she was beautiful, a goddess.
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I was starting to feel guilty for being vain enough to think that I was beautiful. Who was I to think I was beautiful. That was for other people to decide. I couldn’t change this face, I was born stuck solid in the jelly of my genetic cesspool. Yet, here in the mirror, when I tilted ever so slightly, when I looked in too closely, I was amazed to find that my the way I saw my face was morphing and changing. As if the physical features where actually shifting subtly, slightly, just enough to look different. I recall distinctly watching the bridge of my nose shrink and dilate, from just enough to be hideous to just enough to be perfect. It was almost like the way pictures would sometimes slightly moved when I looked too hard at them. Especially the eyes. When I could I beheld her, I held her there, and she smiled at me, teasingly, knowingly.
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My face was sickly, and had that pale green electrical glow, that I later associated with what I thought the soul might look like, or the process of thought and mood changing. It covered my entire face like bad makeup. “I hate your nails. And I hate your hair.” she said. “I know, me too.” I laughed nervously. “That’s ok though,” she replied. I knew what she meant, it wasn’t insulting, it was the truth. “You know who I am,” she said, “I’ve been here all along, don’t you remember?”
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I had confronted this issue earlier, outside of any drug, just through daily observations. I looked at myself in the mirror too much. Not because I thought I was beautiful, perhaps if I thought that, there would be no need for mirrors. So then quite the opposite; I was constantly looking at myself out of a vacuum-like necessity for reassurance. It was like an inner black hole suffocating any buildup of self security I had built up for myself. The effort was futile. But I had been doing this for a long time now, not really recognizing it until I understood it didn’t quite fit into the social norm. Perhaps it does, perhaps everyone or at least a lot of people have a predilection for mirrors, but on the surface skin of customary expectations, vanity, or the image of vanity is frowned upon. Yet, was this vanity?
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How many hours had I spent here, locked up in my bathroom? Countless unnecessary hours. A little child, discovering mirrors, thereby discovering myself. There was a big shower mirror door next to the toilet. I was recalling sitting down and being quickly distracted by my reflection. Was I enamored? I’m not sure. I just remember being completely fascinated and held in captivity. Watching as I run my little hands over my flesh, watching while simultaneously feeling what it looked like to feel from outside myself, in a reflection. Seeing my body there, acknowledging it, trying to understand it. What a peculiar habit I now realize. More often then not, I would linger in there, and eventually I would start to peel off my clothes. I would stare at myself, there in the mirror for perhaps hours, I wasn’t sure. What was I looking for? Why had I felt the drive to behave that way? A lack of social conditioning? The apparent sinful neglect of my parents? Why was I driven to be isolated alone, locked away in the bathroom, stark naked staring at myself, still in the bloom of innocence? Why did that habit linger, private and unannounced to myself until now? It was something I simply did, something that if I imagined being exposed would bring down a destructive wave of shame and embarrassment. It was exactly like masturbating. I felt guilty for it. And yet, now it made sense. Now it all came together and it was demanding that I give a name to it, demanding my sole undivided attention.
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It bothered me though; it was distracting and consuming my time. It made me aggravated and highly strung. I spent so much time on it, looking at myself, trying to readjust, readjust, readjust, getting no where differently. I still do it, every time I catch glimpse in passing, I get an uncontrollable urge to linger and look. I do and minutes upon minutes are spent dawdling in the mirror. Such wasted time! It’s like entering a daydream state, it’s difficult to break out of it, to startle myself awake, become self aware that I have been looking at myself. It’s vanity, inappropriate unhealthy vanity.
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It was disturbing to me. Was it because I was on acid? Can I use this as an excuse? I looked at myself, there tripping intensely, rumbling inside like an earthquake, and she said, “You do know I’m in love with you.” I laughed and acted nervous. It was silly, and yet, there was something there. I was in love with myself? How is that possible? But it made sense, somehow, in my extraordinarily demented frame of mind. Sometimes I have felt magnetic, involuntarily magnetic, attracting and pulling and a leading around. Not intentionally, but suddenly, like in the moments I realize I’m daydreaming, I become frightfully aware of the effect I have on people. I’m making it up, I’m making it to be more than it is, I can’t acknowledge something like that.
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I suddenly realized, I had been talking to myself all these years, as long as I could remember, as long as I could study those big brown lucid eyes staring back at me. I found her. I had known all along she was there, I just hadn’t realized.
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Panic and uncertainty. This was big, at least to me. I was trying to tune out all the small voices putting what I emphasize as meaningful into perspective. I was trying to fervently disconnect myself from the pressure of people’s judgments. It was tedious, laborious, a choir to keep trying maintain an opinion of existence, or of common situations, or cordiality and mannerisms and proper habits, concurrent with everyone else’s. I no longer wanted to think along the same zone as everyone else. I just wanted this to matter to me, and to me this was immense, this was something worth exploring. The prospect of a split personality. I could almost feel that layer of myself dividing like the peeling of sunburned skin. I knew that if I had talked to anyone else about it, they would think I was being silly. It was silly, I wasn’t crazy. I was normal, I kept insisting it. And yet, well, I was on acid! As I had so vehemently exclaimed over and over again, to all the sobers drifting and swarming like wasps around me, ready to drain this experience away like vampires. It was strange to be surrounded by so many not nearly anywhere where I was, I was in the else and they were outside, out there, invading my circle. I had to get away from them. I had to escape.
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What was I doing? I was liberated. I had this entire night; I could do whatever I damn well pleased. It was mine and mine alone. What did it matter? At this point, my perspective on the personal relationships I had built around me had radically altered. Everyone I knew was binding me, holding my taught, stringing me along. It wasn’t important, they weren’t important any longer to me. I could live forever without anyone; I was completely content in being alone.
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I suddenly realized that someone might be checking on me, someone might be listening. What if they had caught that I was talking to myself? What if they had heard what I was saying? The thought stuffed my lungs, it was suffocating. I had to be released from any prospective or accidental observers, from any type of opinion. I had to protect my self from their opinions. It would spoil everything if they learned. It would ruin the whole bit. I would never be able to get back to that place if they found me now.
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Good old Garrett. I was still questioning why he was here. Just as friends? Did he have some kind of crush on me? I didn’t actually know him all that well. There was something odd about him. Something small and buried. Was he getting a kick out of this? Was he just lingering around just to fuck around with us? Was he doing this to look like a nice guy? What was he expecting in return for this? I could feel the wheels turning in his head, wondering why he had done this, if there was actually anything going to happen with this chick, who the fuck was she, did he like her? Did she actually like him, or was it platonic? Was she just using him? Insecurity rumbled in him like an empty stomach, but it was masked so well with a well developed sense of humor, the greatest self defense mechanism. There was something deeper there, but I couldn’t reach into it, it was beyond what I could actually imagine, but I was finally getting to the point where I was able to feel the dwindling shifts in consciousness incurably asking and asking, the meat behind the mask. The part of me that was of myself, that I interjected everyone had also. The moment by moment gentle and subtle changes in perspective. I was at first only able to hear my own internal dialog, but here, on this plane of divine and cosmic understanding, I was able to hear it clinking around in other skulls like loose coins. I had to stop thinking about it. I really didn’t care. I didn’t care about any of these petty “friendships”. It struck me that it was odd that I was devoting so much time in developing them, wasting energy and effort and precious time. It wasn’t what mattered. What mattered most then was this person I had discovered, this creature I wanted to get to know, to talk to further. What was it? I was bewildered and vibrating with a concept, the concept of you.
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I had to escape Garrett. I wanted him to watch everyone else, to let me alone and be by myself. He watched me as I shifted around, fluttering like a dying butterfly, sticking and stuck. I was nervous about these dratted nails I told him. I hated them. He seemed to smile at them. They made me fell… he implemented “fake?” Yes, fake. And you’re not fake, he said. I wasn’t sure what he meant, honestly or sarcastically. I just marched away, saying at least I hope I’m not fake. I wanted to clip them at first. I rummaged around, getting riled up over how much junk I owned. This is where I spend my mornings, every morning, here I am, using all these useless things. Why do I have so many useless things? Why do I need all these things? I finally found them. Aha! I walked over to the door where he was casually leaning and watching me. I didn’t like his watching. Why was he watching me, what was he taking notes on? I surrendered to the idea that they were just more or less notes in relation to himself, because that is the way all people think, and so it mattered little to me again. I may need your help with theses. I could almost feel the relief, like breaking the nut of a shell. My cuticles were taking off their sweaters. I held them against my thumb nail and as I looked at the nail, the white tip was slipping down into the red. I wasn’t going to cut them right like this. I wasn’t going to let Garrett cut them off either. That was invading, I’d have to let him touch my hands. Oh, and then I realized, I had come up with a solution earlier. I was going to find some gloves. I ran into my closet, I was asking Garrett something to get him away from observing me. I was asking something about himself, I wasn’t actually listening to what he was saying, it didn’t matter, I just pretended to sound interested. His relationship to me was inconsequential. These people were just there. They didn’t matter. They had become like shadows and ghosts, phantoms in the wallpaper.
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I didn’t have my camera. My phone was unworthy and distracting and I wanted to be released from my obligation of keeping on touch with the outside world. The worth of the outside world was gradually disintegrating. We were somewhere, we were in else. But it was absolutely imperative that I find some means of recording this. Writing had proved nearly impossible. The keys were swishing around on the key board and the words weren’t forming fast enough in my head for me to write them down. My thoughts were scattered like loose leaf paper. I felt terrible that I had nothing meaningful to say. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to write anyway and my laptop became dysfunctional in plain true obstinacy as I had elaborated before. Solutions. I had my tape recorder. There it was on the bookshelf, ready with three fresh tapes. This was going to be interesting. Garret was there, and at first I gave it to him, not trusting myself. He slid the tape in, and teased about when he would start recording. He put my extra tapes in his pocket.
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Then I wanted to stay in the bathroom. But I wanted to record it. I asked him to let me stay in there, that I wanted to be by myself for a while, and I took the tape recorder from him. I felt like he might spy on me though, or perhaps worry about me and loiter around the door, eavesdropping. I couldn’t stand for that. The thought that someone would hear me with myself was completely unbearable. I insisted that he go upstairs, that he promised he wasn’t going to listen. And even though I watched him walk down the hall, I still felt that at any moment, someone might barge in and interrupt. Even worse, they might catch me awkwardly scrambling to seem like I was doing something else other than what I was doing. I was in no condition for acting, covering up. My sense of humor was dry, and this would be a raw completely naked moment that would be exposed if they walked in.
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<br>
I couldn’t focus here. I couldn’t stay in that bathroom. The decision to leave came quickly. I was accountable for myself; I could be free from them whenever I wanted. I was free. I stuffed my feet into my favorite converse, forgoing the socks. Socks were arbitrary. I fled into my room, grabbed my jacket, and then realized, it wouldn’t work if I didn’t have a mirror. I looked for my gloomy bear hand mirror. No good, too small. Then I remembered the larger one on the desk. Here. Perfect. I wrapped it in my jacket, checked my tape recorder, checked suspiciously out the door, peaking down the hall and waltzing out the back door.
<br>
<br>
I was exhilarated. I was happy to be escaping this mad house, and here I was happy, here by myself. I had found you after all, she was all I was ever going to need again. But I looked down toward the way to the park. Void. Loud crashing and yelling noises. Anyone could find me there. There was chaos and anarchy all around. Gaggles of manically cackling monsters were stalking the streets. The world had turned into one mad circus spinning on the flat of a top. We were about to topple over. Beyond what I could see around me, there was only mayhem. People were everywhere in every direction. No good. Trapped. Would I be able to handle them by myself? I realized this was probably unwise. Where was I going? I was heavily depressed by the thought that I had no where to run away to, no place to go. There was no escape. Inside the house was mad, outside the house was mad. I would have to stay here, but I didn’t want to go inside.
<br>
<br>
I crawled in the ally beside the house. I had been here a dozen times before. It seemed to me to have been one of those places. I liked these tiny nooks that seemed to stand out from reality. The energy was magnified here. I found a place to sit, set my mirror down. Damn, the lighting was bad. I was making notes into my tape recorder, unknown to me that it hadn’t actually been set to record, and I spilled away notes I’ve now lost into thin air.
<br>
<br>
It wasn’t comfortable. I tried a little here. Had to move over. I set it up. I felt like I was being watched. I couldn’t shake that other people were eventually going to be looking for me, that other people were going to be worrying about where I was, and annoyed at their having to worry. I didn’t want them to stumbling in on my babbling into a tape recorder staring into a mirror. How was I going to explain what I was doing? How was I going to explain her? I had to go inside. I had to reset and restraiten and search for somewhere else. I had to find another place.
<br>
<br>
I would have sat there a little while longer, trying to communicate with her, flirting with the idea, that she was there, that this was more than a trick of the acid. I was cued when the lights of my bedroom shot on. Shit. They know I’m gone, I have to go back.
<br>
<br>
As soon as I walked in, there they were. The big group, all tripping. Anytime we were together, I always felt like someone was still missing. Garrett was relieved, everyone was peering at me. What was she clutching? It must be a notebook. I let them assume what they wanted. No one was going to know. It was for me.
<br>
<br>
Garrett took a hold of the tape recorder and pointed out that it had been set on play. Felt a hot wave of humiliation and embarrassment wrap over me. Everything lost. I would have to try again. There were such precious moments there, and now, because of my own stoned folly, they were forever unthreaded into the record. He reset the tape. The others made me feel nervous about recording. They made it seem pointless. Perhaps it was. This was crazy, but everything was crazy here. What did it matter to them anyway? I was going to do what I wanted.
<br>
<br>
I’m not sure, I think we all decided on a walk. I was still wanting to creep away from everyone. I wanted to spend all my time with this new being, I had her here with my tucked under my jacket. There was the small rational voice typing in the back of my head, making commentary. It was really silly of me to be carrying this mirror around. I didn’t let it go though. I couldn’t bring myself from letting it go. No one was to know. It was all for me.
<br>
<br>
We were walking. Outside was bright and surreal. I felt as if we were walking forever. We past a party on the way there and out on the front yard drunk witches and drunken vampires were flirting and fucking and stumbling around. I abhorred them. I abhorred everyone.
<br>
<br>
I had become picky. There were only a select few I would allow near me. I had to be exposed to them for a while before I would feel comfortable with them there. I didn’t like people at all anymore. I was filled with contempt and loathing, and took a great deal of effort to mask and hide my reproach to them. There were so many too. Too many. Crawling, slithering, slimy creatures, like ants, painfully molesting every crevice of the house. Deplorable. I wanted to have nothing to do with any of them. I was sick of the way they thought. I could feel their thoughts forming in heads, their self serving drives disgusting me. Space was being ravaged by pure unadulterated chaos, rolling us up into oblivion.
<br>
<br>
Joe and Chelsea were leading us somewhere. As we started out, I had no knowledge of where we were going. I wanted to stop. I felt like we were being herded around like sheep. We had been reduce to dopy imbecilic livestock the sobers were just catering and occasionally fucking around with. I didn’t want to be a sheep. I wasn’t going to follow a bunch of aimless lost boys. But they had a purpose, so I went along. I forgave them. My mind was in a very high strung state. My temper had been stretched out like piano strings, and things kept flicking the strings .
<br>
<br>
Points to cover
<br>
Repeated emphasis on wanting to get away and be by myself.
<br>
Walking toward, collage, team zissou at the atm, to the turtle pound, finding it pointless, walking back, meaningful but meaningless conversations, returning, the atm destroyed, reaffirming chaos, trying to find a place, going into ryan’s room, steve walks in, says something rude I run away, locking myself into the second floor bathroom, displaced, taking too long to settle, finally settling, getting there, naked, breasts exposed, interruption, outside world drawing me in, upstairs study closet, good moment, realizing that I still wasn’t really getting somewhere, mixed sensations of salvia and extreme high, leaving, sitting on the stairs, complete chaos erupting around, in between, not sure whether I wanted to join others and have company or continue to be by myself, ryan letting me use his room, again, hesitant nervous dancing, anticipating for them to leave, them, never leaving, eventually settling into feeling comfortable, recording random useless conversations, inability to capture thoughts, finding myself with the group, partially, acknowledging that they were the only one’ I truly care for, finding my existence so alone, but secure in my isolation, peering at them from my perched viewpoint, tracking them through time and space, focuses and allotting time for them, sharing, happy to be with them, finally comfortable and content, able to be around people again, writing until sunrise, decided to watch fear and loathing, completely understanding the movie, still wrapped up in my quirks, a different person, hiding secretive, the onto coffee shop, writing, French toast, finding this self. The writer’s self. Sleep for now, back later I hope. If I stop this may be lost, there is a mocking laugh in my head, but I hope I can return at least finish it, driving it to the end and closing the journey.
<br>
<br>
Note: lost soul to another lost soul.
<br>
<br>
Smaller moments, remembering. I was standing outside, looking at how sad the plants looked, wondering if I should try and water them while on acid. I took too long to make up my mind, and presently forgot about them. I was hoping for more synesthesia. I had a small amount of tracers, a little in the bathroom in the mirror. It was more like snap flashes and clicks of colors. I didn’t focus on it too long, I had other things to attend to. I forgot to mention that Ryan Van Hee had stopped by, he hugged me and tried to grab my ass, I pushed him off and pack slapped him angrily and stormed inside. It was affirming to stand up for myself.
<br>
<br>
It is unfortunate to me that I will not be able to place and stitch all the small pieces of this trip together into one cohesive picture, but so it goes with this type of ordeal. So it goes with life. At the times we can escape the larger machine, we allow ourselves to record the brief and fleeting moments of self reflection, stapling them into the concrete, like a post-it note that no one reads.
<br>
<br>
A chip just stabbed the top of my mouth, I think that’s telling me to stop eating for a while… food, the necessity of eating, just another formal distraction.
<br>
<br>
Release, when you’re here, the rest of the world, responsibilities, and accountability, doesn’t matter. This is what we’ve learned, when I’m here in the flow, I have to remember to forget the rest of the world. All my tasks and to-do lists are tying me down and pulling me loose.
<br>
<br>
Getting distracted by conventional responsibilities. Remember, it doesn’t really matter. I get distracted by the thought, the inhibitions that arise from vanity. The carefully and hopelessly composed images of ourselves that we try and maintain in the minds of others, as the people around us are just reminders of ourselves. Realizing, they too are trapped from their own personal view point as well. They are looking to escape it just as much as you are.
<br>
<br>
Yet again, it doesn’t really matter. Just to me and myself, that is all. It is later, when the work is for others, after I’ve gone within and back out, will I have to come to terms with subjecting myself to the mass agreement of criticism and judgment, composed of uncountable amounts of points blindly defining its self, like a blind man sitting in the dark.
<br>
<br>
I’ve sucked too long on that damn unlit cigarette and now the fucking thing is moist and broke.
<br>
<br>
In small doses, every passing moment, I can feel bits of it floating away and revealing the entrapping normalcy I have to contend with.
<br>
<br>
Distractions and daily routine are pulling me once again away from the key board. It’s unfortunate that I have to maintain this physical prison, that I can not meld my mind and life into a printed set of paper and words and binding and glue and a hard cover case. If my life was in essence a simple book. Sitting on a shelf, peculiar and obscure, collecting dust and just hoping one day to be noticed and appreciated. Some books are just louder then others. Some are just more profound. And yet others are just lucky enough to be filed in the correct alphabetical section.
<br>
<br>
I’m letting go of that cigarette. It’s like letting go of the mirror, setting it down, learning I can not cling to it forever. If I did, it would mutate into a terrible misrepresentation of who I am. Just like these nails I continued to be tortured by.
<br>
<br>
A brief walk to the bookstore, picking up Fear and Loathing, Ryan did at least, I will have to find my own copy later, but for now I’ll borrow and read through it in half hour intervals. Today I only care about writing. I do feel like the momentum of my serge is slowly ebbing away into the mist of consistency and reality, the self rejoining assigned to the place I had been before. Will it reflect in my writing? Assuredly so. I’ll not be able to cling to this much longer, but let’s see how long I can serf this wave.
<br>
<br>
My words are slowed, my articulation is vaporizing, inhibitions settling in like rigamortis. Will I be able to finish? Will I be able remember that lesson I learned? Persevere. Nothing else matters. Persevere to the end. Until you reach the end, it is left unfinished. Unfinished things are lost. We have to finish, even if this is getting sloppy and sour, I have to keep pressing on, otherwise, this will be lost, and this lesson won’t settle in my bones and take hold in the constant growing person I am and will be. This trip won’t become nearly as meaningful if I don’t finish. It doesn’t matter what you write, just write, persevere.
<br>
<br>
I walked into the kitchen to make more tea. I’m still locked into that place I realized, I’m still tripping, perhaps, maybe, I’m not sure. I can’t help it if I am right? It’s probably psychological, I’m just keeping myself there because my head is still there remembering, pondering, studying. It’s not intense, but just faint enough. I can slightly see the sick pale glow on certain people, but I feel like it’s more of my imagination. Am I pretending to be tripping? Perhaps, but let’s just keep pretending until the end, just long enough to finish this, so much more to go.
<br>
<br>
It is startling to me to realize that this has been my perfect happy day. Not everyday can be as so, I wouldn’t be happy if everyday was like this, but I’m writing the whole day, everything being poured out and formed up into young amateur shapes. This is finally the place where I have been searching for, the place where I can write perpetually, until my head aches and my eyes burn, from morning until the late evening sun gives way into the dark. I am here typing away, forgetting everything else. It’s difficult to fight it back, to fight off the nagging call from all the things I need to do. This time wasn’t planned, wasn’t expected, how am I going to make up for it later? But I hear a whisper inside me, just go, it doesn’t matter. Persevere. Your still there, I’m keeping you there until the end.
<br>
<br>
The more time I invest in this, the louder the voice growls, “This is worthless, you’re wasting your day, this is meaningless, you should stop, this isn’t getting you anywhere, give up and move on, this is worth nothing” It’s getting harder to fight off, harder to ignore. I’m trying hard to grip onto framing into my mind, it doesn’t matter, I need just to let it flow, what will happen will happen. I have to sit here until it’s done. I have to keep persevering.
<br>
<br>
I am troubled by my juvenile vocabulary and amateur writing style. I know I have to start at the bottom, but I hate this suffering of trying to get better. I’m extremely cliché all the time and it’s painful.
<br>
<br>
Things said in loop. Too many loops, but symbolic somehow. I was able to understand symbolism in that moment, but now that understanding is lost.
<br>
<br>
“I hate my nails.” Catie had painted my nails in uniform for my costume. They were red with white tips. I had never had French tips before. I had never had a manicure before. It seemed worthless. But my hands weren’t properly representing me. I told myself “This is not the way my hands should look.” They were fake, it made me feel fake and of something I didn’t need or want. I was natural, and this was so artificial. They were inhibiting me, I wanted to cover them up and I even tried gloves, but the gloves didn’t fit either, they were not what I needed. They had to remind me again and again, they had just been part of the costume.
<br>
<br>
“I forgot, I’m sick.” I knew I was going to forget. My voice was altered and different, gray and soft and thick. Like made of scruffy cotton balls. Sometimes, I could remember and cough, or sometimes I would cough and remember. But it happened over and over again, just in a loop. I said it at least a dozen times over the night.
<br>
<br>
“I’m not crazy, I am a normal person… just right now, I’m on acid.” I was afraid of the person I had found there in the bathroom with me. I was struggling with the thought that perhaps I was crazy, I had just been suppressing it all along. I wanted to know if other people noticing my existence actually also thought I was regularly normal. I was so far gone, the feelings I had toward the relationships I had built around me conditionally changing moment by moment, I wanted to be reassured, that off of it, I had at least appeared normal to them, that I wasn’t showing, that I at least had the excuse right now of acting insane, because I was on acid.
<br>
<br>
“I am so far gone.” The only way I could describe where I was. Just remove from reality, still there, but warped. I can’t emphasize enough, this incredible driving sense of urgency. All urgently waiting for something. Waiting for Godot. Waiting to move, waiting to settle, waiting to organize, waiting to go somewhere. Feeling urgency of transporting elsewhere, and hesitant force holding us back, keeping us in the same self found spot.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 74789</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 5, 2009</td><td>Views: 5,239</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=74789&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=74789&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Relationships (44), General (1), Large Group (10+) (19)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">107 lb</td>
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<!-- Start Body -->
A Collection of Experiences<br>
<br>
I can recall a specific moment, after a summer’s worth binge on hallucinogens, where I found myself crossed over that wakeful-dream border, having the thought, and with it, a sensation of tingling fright, “Did I eat acid and forget?” A realization that I had not, and the wonder if the wave of insanity had finally broken, and swept me to sea.<br>
<br>
perceptive disarray<br>
<br>
I have found it most interesting that upon my coming to University, everything that I had once learned to be Solid Truth has become unraveled into a mass and chaotic network of fraying and contradictory ends. I found that I must first purge myself, admitting that indeed, I know nothing about anything, I know nothing at all... to begin the ruminative task of questioning my own perception, beliefs, values, and conceptions of consciousness and mortality. <br>
<br>
I had been made aware of a subtle disquiet lurking in the darker corners of my mind. More and more often, I was met with fleeting impressions of unresolved inconstancy. My brain might alight upon an idea, anew and incomplete, the same as the brief instant a bird appears on its perch, but one blink, and it’s gone. Unregistered, one cannot recall if it was really there at all; a spark of thought without subsequent firing. <br>
The process began about a year or so ago. (I call it a process due a recent realization that those frequent and systematic dosings may have indeed made some notable impact on the Disarray [here I name myself] of Old Ideas.) <br>
<br>
I began experimenting with several psychedelics, unknowingly preparing myself for a life of confusion, but of raw truth. I managed to stifle much of the awareness that reverberated just beneath the surface of my conscious, the conflicting stocks of knowledge that would soon overwhelm me completely. Yet the conglomerate I had once been, the symphony of ideas and thoughts and opinions, began exposing faint vibrations of a dull dissonance. Just as if I were anticipating some peak to this gradual crescendo, my holistic life (or conflicted perception of it) gave way to the unbearable Weight of Being, a cacophony of indistinguishable and inaudible frequencies. My collection of scattered knowledge, mismatched and unqualified, had been wound too tightly into the coils that frequent chaos. I found that I could no longer explain myself or my thoughts. The ideals of perception I had held gave way to Mass Confusion. Thus began the requiem that would conduct my careful descent down a flight of insanity, where each subjacent step grows longer in height and slimmer in width.<br>
<br>
sober hallucinations<br>
<br>
Auditory and visual hallucinations began to frequent my waking life. Sometimes I would be sitting perhaps a bit too still, staring perhaps a bit too hard into the screen or page or wall, just so I feel my eyeballs sink into my head, and my mind float up out my skull-box and sail away through different layers of dimension. My body slides out from beneath me. Imagine for a moment, how difficult it is to focus, much less get anything done, when my mind dissociates from its body.<br>
<br>
Many times I will be immersed in some activity, my mind dissolves and I will hear in my head some background murmur of conversation, like the quiet roar of a restaurant. I could be washing my hands or walking home, any simple activity, and I drift to a state of blankness, where nothing is being paid any particular attention. Upon awakening, I find myself surrounded in silence, though I could swear upon the clear fragments of conversation that linger in my ears. I can so easily recall the words that were said, and remember the voices with such distinctiveness, that at times I have trouble discerning what is real. It is as if (I’ve often thought) my brain, at resting state, begins to channel other frequencies, perhaps of that parallel universe, or perhaps my unfiltered mind has escaped its confines… <br>
<br>
patterns and patches<br>
<br>
I am privy to the color-patches that Annie Dillard longed for, the meaningless forms of different saturations, the blobs and shapes of pigment. Colors appear more vividly and consume my field of sight. My brain has been re-wired, no longer able to instantaneously process the huge amount of information received at each moment. No longer do I find a book on a desk in a room, but cream and time-yellowed rectangle on a tawny orb, against a background of antiseptic white, where other color patches stretch beyond. I find myself presented with raw information, forms devoid of significance, for my brain has declined in its ability to cut out that information which is unnecessary. My eyes now adjust more readily to pattern and to color than to written language. I will stare at a word a full minute before it is married to any meaning. All the short cuts I have learned have been erased, stimuli presents no content or context, I see without understanding.<br>
<br>
I often perceive (I no longer limit myself to the word “see”) a sort of aura or secondary glow, or even flashing neon imprint. Spots of blue light appear in my vision and life-like figures float before my eyes. I remember an episode earlier this year, during a physics discussion. I was watching my teaching assistant, taking notes for the upcoming final, when her twin negative appeared next to her, an animated image made out of green light. I no longer react to such apparitions; I have become accustomed to these shadow people, swishing by me, existing in their parallel universes. <br>
<br>
shifting and morphing<br>
<br>
Persistent dosings of consciousness-expansion have attributed to this re-arrangement of my mental processes, bottom-up and top-down, and I sometimes fear its permanence. The cream-colored rectangle, the book, morphs again. Now, instead of type or words symbolic of meaning, instead of the common experience and virtual reality of written language, a page will divide itself into organized sections of pattern. Before me I find staggered columns of space and color. Letters within the print and paragraphs shift, leaving pixel trails of green and ultraviolet up and down and in between. Uniform rows of printed text reveal a separate entity, one apart from any attributed meaning. A page easily separates itself into pattern groupings, organic and multi-layered, as effortless and efficient as a puzzle. The spaces between the images become the veins that map the idea. To my sight, the colors present a story of that page’s physical manifestation, regardless of its printed meaning. It is here that my eyes and mind cross in perception. I watch letters cascade down the page, shifting, sliding, morphing…<br>
<br>
<br>
purple haze, third eye gaze<br>
<br>
I had heard the phrase “purple haze” but had never put thought into what it might mean. Destined to learn, I one night found myself in a friend’s bathroom, having eaten about 400 micrograms of LSD. <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note:
Claims of measured microgram dosages for LSD are usually unsupported. Quantitative measurements for LSD are very difficult to do and cannot be done casually. Without further detailed information about how the measurements were derived, it is reasonable to assume that most statements of microgram dosages of LSD on blotter or in microdots are either misinformed or overstated.]</span> <br>
<br>
I am known to bore easily, so if given the choice, I’ll choose spontaneity over the mundane. This warm spring evening was no exception. I believe it was last March, after finals, almost exactly one year ago, when three of us stopped to drop acid at a friend’s house. The trip was not totally planned, but needless to say, we all set up camp for the night. I had fried once before, on a single hit, and I believed it time for another psychedelic experience. I remember placing the blotter on my tongue, a tiny, half-centimeter square of plain white paper once soaked in LSD. <br>
<br>
One basic rule of thumb I apply to psychedelics, is that the first dose should usually be the final dose. At that time, I had not had much experience with acid, so when the others began to comment on their come-up, I decided I wasn’t feeling enough, and ate a half, and then another half of a second hit. I ended up taking two sizable doses of LSD, timed in such a way as to intensify and prolong the plateau of my trip, the most concentrated and consciousness-expanding stage of acid (although this was not my intention). It’s difficult to pinpoint, (especially since my memory, as of late, has become particularly imperfect) how exactly I ended up in my friend’s bathroom. I remember falling into psychosis; laughing hysterically, forgetting that I had, and then wondering why there were tears in my eyes. My memory seemed to short out every five minutes, and my brain struggled hard to catch up. It came down to my ultimate understanding of the bathroom as my sanctuary. It existed as a mathematical expression that balanced the house and the positioning of the people inside it, on either side of an equals sign. For a time, I found serenity, which allowed the awareness of an eternal background that so effortlessly precipitates to the highest frequency of visible light: purple<br>
<br>
We talk about the purple haze, and what the colors beyond ultraviolet and infrared could be, and how constantly we swim unknowingly in pools of radio color and sound light. We discuss the possibility of the haze as Truest Vision of the pineal gland: the vision of the third eye that contains a complete map of the physical eyes’ visual field, receptive to light. I’ve once read that to activate this third eye, the pineal gland and pituitary body must vibrate together in unison..<br>
<br>
<br>
I remember seeing his face, though its image was not a physical figure, but rather a metaphysical manifestation of his core energies, certain frequencies to which he was particular, networked in surging form against the backdrop of what has been described as Hindu labyrinths and geometric electro-layers of impossible color light.<br>
Recognition was reduced to some base and remote concept of familiarity as I beheld, in transcendent awe, an ultraviolet-tinged vision. Breathtaking Wonder. This Other; Significant; revealed as a rippling fabric of energies, where the intensity of life achieves purest form. His visage appeared cloth-like, undulating as if blown by some esoteric wind. His beautiful presence: cosmically announced in splintering streams of unimaginable purple-colored light, the frequencies of his essence blazing with the sheer energy of pulsating existence. <br>
<br>
of a sacred experience<br>
<br>
It is to be understood that despite the greatest of effort it is impossible to relate the sheer magnitude and profundity of any sort of psychedelic experience, much less illustrate the unimaginable.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 70081</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 16, 2009</td><td>Views: 6,225</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=70081&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=70081&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)</td></tr>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
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</table>
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This report stems from personal experience and concerns the possible use of LSD in treating migraine headaches. In my family, a number of my direct relatives suffer from regular migraine headaches. This fate visited itself upon me starting with the age of 12. I would get migraine headaches once a month; almost like clockwork.
<br>
<br>
At the age of 17, after having suffered migraine headaches monthly for approx. 5 years, I began taking LSD for non-clinical (recreational) purposes. After I began to take LSD, my migraine headaches completely ceased; even after I stopped using LSD. This headache-free period lasted approx. 6 years (approx. 2 years after I stopped using LSD altogether). After this period I started getting migraines again, although they now only occur a few times a year.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 79433</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 18, 2009</td><td>Views: 10,793</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=79433&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=79433&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Migraines (154) : Health Benefits (32), Not Applicable (38)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">205 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
A while ago, a few friends of mine and I were heading up to a private party thrown in the mountains. The weather couldn’t have been any better. The skies were crystal-clear. Not a cloud to be seen anywhere. We had just arrived and the sun had started to set over the tall mountain peaks. Immediately, it started to get really cold. There was a room set up in an old shack that was standing up nearby. Power generators were outside, providing the room to be heated with space-heaters. Nearby, there was a cave entrance, where generators were set up and wires were thrown in. I could hear faint music going on, and I knew there was a big party going on inside.
<br>
<br>
********
<br>
<br>
First, I found a 20 mg tablet of 2c-B and consumed that around 10, saw some lovely pattern shifting. Nothing too impressive, but around 12 midnight, I took 2 hits of acid on top of that. I walked into the cave and started seeing things on the walls. A kandy kid girl who was bothering me the entire night to see if I had found some E was walking with me and latched on to my arms. She had found some, and I could tell. We walked past the party inside the cave and to a point where we were deep in the cave. I really started to peak at this point, and I was seeing worms on the cave ground everywhere. I knew I was hallucinating, so there were no actual worms. For some reason, when I walked out of the cave, it was 2. I have no idea how I wasted two hours just peaking on acid without even knowing it, but I when I walked outside, everything seemed different. The stars were moving around in the sky, and I could only see a few certain ones.
<br>
<br>
Outside, people were playing with a flaming tether-ball around a tetherball court they had made. I watched a man get hit by the ball in the face, and what looked like he had been covered in fire. I focused again, and they were all right. Nobody had gotten hit. I walked back on to the chill room where everybody was just sitting down, relaxing, listening to ambient music. Outside of that room, there was a campfire going. I really started to lose it when I forgot who I was, what day it was, and what time. I pretty much thought I didn’t exist, and I was stuck in a world only known to myself. Colors shifted, patterns flying over my head, and everything in between. This happened for what I thought was around 5 or 6 hours. The entire time, I even remember talking to people inside and outside the room, but I was not there. I was looking for my friends to see if I could find anybody I knew, but nobody was around. I couldn’t relate to anything. I didn’t even know where I was.
<br>
<br>
Around 7 in the morning, I actually ran into a few friends of mine who I knew from a rave I went to before then. As hard as I was tripping, I actually had a normal conversation with them. It seemed really weird, because the more people I knew that came back to talk to me, the more I was coming down off the acid. I finally found my friends who were out in their own little world on too many mushrooms and alcohol… they found me. We started wrapping things up getting ready to go home. The acid finally peaked one more time when my friend stated she needed to use the bathroom. As she was walking away, all of a sudden, everybody around me started peeing. Guy on the roof was peeing outside the chill room, there was a guy next to me peeing, and all around, everybody was peeing. They all come back up at the same time and start to do the pee-pee dance. Weird. Then my friend comes back and she goes “Man, I had to walk a half a mile before I could find a spot to pee. Everybody was doing it too”. Pretty much that just fucked up with my head.
<br>
<br>
***
<br>
<br>
The sun came up. Possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. It looked like it was coming up from every direction on the horizon. North, south, east and west. The mountains reflected the light in the colors they possessed. The lighter it got, the more everything came back to normal. I looked at a bush next to me which was losing its leaves. The autumn season was changing the colors, and I saw the frost melting slowly off of it. Touching something that cold seemed so different to me. I don’t know why.
<br>
<br>
Finally, we headed out, and went back home. I still couldn’t drive until after I was at my friend’s house, so I passed out on their couch for a few hours. I couldn’t believe that I was so out of it, that when I came to, I was still hallucinating over 15 hours later. I got up after that, and went home. That was probably one of the wildest nights of my life.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 67264</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 15, 2008</td><td>Views: 7,307</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=67264&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=67264&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">2C-B (52), LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Combinations (3), Rave / Dance Event (18)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I had tried to get acid for some time, with some fake stuff coming through, but other than that, it proved hard to locate. I have been smoking weed fairly often for almost 3 years, and for the past sixth months or so this has been an almost daily practice. I've tried coke, mushrooms, ecstasy, various opiates and painkillers, and a few other insignificant substances. So one summer day, I call one connection I have, looking for some coke, since a friend had expressed interest. He said he did not have any white, but he was quick to mention that he had some acid which he tripped nuts off of the other night. He called it white fluff acid, the best around.
<br>
<br>
So me and two friends decided to drop that night, and another friend was in town but would just sit out that night. Me and one other friend each purchased two hits, and one other friend could only afford one. We arrived at my house around 10:00 PM, and took no time to wait before slipping our doses under our tongues. We sat around for the next hour or so, watching TV and listening to music. Eventually I noticed a faint floating feeling, and then my heart started to beat somewhat rapidly. We were extremely entertained by taking pictures of ourselves on Apple's Photobooth program, using the mirror effect to create visually creative photos. We all had tremendous energy, and the off white tone of the paint in my room seemed to glow with radiation. It was very cool. One of the walls in my room is all mirror, and my cheeks were rosy, as I could feel my body temperature increasing. All three of us were sweating out a storm. The only poster in my room at the time was a giant cover of Axis: Bold as Love by The Jimi Hendrix Experience. The white walls absorbed the colors from this poster, and soon the walls started to breathe with color.
<br>
<br>
We proceeded to my backyard, which was unusually bright, since it was already around midnight. I'm not sure how many cigarettes we smoked then, but they were absolutely amazing. It seemed as if waves of energy and stimulation would surge throughout my body, starting from my lungs, with every breath. Looking up at the purplish sky through the trees, the leaves started to turn into hands, petting and stroking the air around. I began to see copies of my face, smiling with ecstatic joy, floating between the branches. I began to dwell into my own thoughts, and my mind seemed as if it was all of the sudden a drug of its own; I could taste my thoughts and words had different flavors. It really made me think of every psychedelic movie I had ever seen. My mind was encouraged to think of the extraordinary, and although things seemed weird and funny, everything was perfectly clear at the same time. I thought about the guy who sold me the acid, and in my mind he seemed like some sort of magic professor who really knew how to experience the most intense, self-indulging mind-fuck. This was beyond any drug, and it was more than just the drug, it was perfect. There was nothing that could bring me down from this. I could not even understand how anyone in the world would even experience a bad trip.
<br>
<br>
Now we were cruising. We had left my backyard around 12:45 AM and proceeded to explore my empty neighborhood. There was no limit to my energy, and I certainly wasn't losing any from walking. As we walked, we absorbed and tasted all of the light and color glowing off of every tree, and the street lamps seemed like glowing orbs, lining the neighborhood streets. We walked to the lake dock, which was adjacent to a parking lot, and a pool house. So many thoughts flew through my head, and whenever I tried to communicate it, I could only stumble, and remind myself how this feeling was so perfect, that it could not even be communicated into words. I had a total sense of being myself, and all fronts had dissolved just like the acid. I realized that along with this trip, life was also perfect. It amazed me to think about how one's life spans out and works. We go through amazing experiences to find out who we really are, and better understand ourselves. I was truly enlightened, as I was honestly meeting myself that night. 'This is the realest shit I've ever done,' I would repeat, and my friends agreed.
<br>
<br>
The night was only beginning, but since one of us wasn't tripping, he went back inside to sleep. There was no way any of us could have slept, the amounts of energy the acid had given us were enormous. We continued to walk the quiet, yet beautiful, streets, returning to the lake. My friend called another friend from school, and incredibly he was also tripping acid just like us; purely coincidental. We sat on the asphalt, and it felt as if we were being absorbed into the ground, becoming one with the earth, as the cracks in the ground swelled like sponges. The stars in the sky looked like diamonds, and everything was in patterns. Everything, audibly and visibly, had levels and layers, and with just our presence we could dissect everything and really understand it, for the first time in our lives.
<br>
<br>
We left and kept walking the lonely streets, talking, but mostly just letting everything absorb into our minds. I realized for the first time that there is much more to everything than what first meets the eye, because with our minds we can explore much more than we might first think. There was one cat that kept appearing and reappearing into our path as we walked. He was extremely friendly and let us take turns feeling his soft coat. At 3:30 AM there was one very old Asian-looking man who was riding his bike. We found it hilarious, that we chose to be tripping acid at 3:30 AM, and someone else chose to ride his bike. Nevertheless, we walked for about 2 miles, before returning once more the pool house parking lot. There was no plan to anything we did that night, as we did not need any plans; the acid knew where to take us. We smoked our last cigarette for the night, before returning home.
<br>
<br>
I did not sleep at all that night, but the next night I slept for over 12 hours. I took interest in sharing this experience with friends, since I sincerely felt as if this acid trip changed my life in little ways, for the better. I felt like this trip was the ultimate discovery for myself so far; I had spent a lot of time up until then doing soul searching, and trying to figure myself out, but this trip really put the cap on things. While I know I can never completely figure myself out, I know who I am in a sense, and I know that my life is going to be long lived, with many other incredible experiences. There is nothing more harmonious and absolute than coming face to face with yourself.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 73088</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 21, 2009</td><td>Views: 5,126</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=73088&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=73088&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">70 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Hi, I'm pretty bored at work so I have decided, along the course of today, to relate with you some of the good and bad experiences I have had with drugs over the years.
<br>
OK, a bit about me, I started experimenting at about 13, some periods of my life have been much more manic and frenzied than others with regards to my consumption, some have by contrast been much calmer.
<br>
<br>
By the time I took the acid and Ketamine (K) mentioned in this report I had dabbled with exctacy, ketmaine, mushrooms, speed, cocaine, alcohol, peyote, codeine, MDMA, 5htp, melatonin, Rhodolia, salvia and tamazepam, perhaps a tad too extensively with regards to the last drug.
<br>
<br>
I am now 22, this experience occurred at the age of around 17 or 18. I consider that I have a good life, a nice car, a very well respected I.T. job, my own house and I have a clear vision of where I want my life to lead. I would say that I have been affected by the drugs I have taken, but not necessarily in a bad way, they have opened up my eyes to so many new things, different ways of thinking and viewing the world. They have indeed helped me through a lot of rough patches, but have at times in my life contributed to a temporary demise. I believe it also worthy of a mention that I am not a spiritual person, I do not take drugs for spiritual quests, to enlighten myself or gain some knowledge of my inner workings. However, even though that is never my original quest when ingesting a substance it has come to pass once or twice that I have found some answers to questions that I had tucked away in the innards of my brain, this day was to be one of those days.
<br>
<br>
The setting was a very hot mid summers morning, I had just arrived to an abandoned field next to a motorway that was to host a massive illegal rave. I had passed up taking acid many a time, almost fearing it and telling myself I was not ready. This day was to be different, me and a girl I really didn't know but that I was giving a lift up to this rave found a dealer selling K so I bought a few grams, some to take home and some to consume there, and also bought some acid.
<br>
<br>
A few moments passed, I racked up a small line of Ketamine back at the car, unfortunately I sneezed on the last half of the line and the next few minutes were a frenzied scrabble of me snorting bits of white powder off this girls lap, her shock turned to amusement as the Ketamine slowly started to take hold. I gave the girl (who we shall call V) a big grin and commented on the fact the color of her shorts didn't aid in me being able to locate the speckles of Ketamine (they were white), we had a giggle and then I placed the acid tab in my mouth.
<br>
<br>
To explain the sensation of ketamine for me is fairly easy I think. It is for all intents and purposes two different drugs. At a low dosage as I did on this day it is comparable to walking in a bouncy castle, slightly off balance, its difficult to coordinate anything, not that I feel I would want to. It makes me feel relaxed, like nothing matters because its all too far away to affect me, it gives me a slight spinning sensation and all in all gives me a great big smile. It also has the effect of throwing my directed concentration totally out the window, that is to say its very hard to concentrate on something I would want to concentrate on, end very easy to end up staring into space.
<br>
<br>
With this in mind then, I pretty much fell out of the car, managed to put my keys in my pocket, on the second attempt at regaining my balance we started to journey towards a large field next to the one hosting the rave. By this point the rave was fully underway and I could feel the hard drum and bass pounding my body. I was apprehensive about the acid, worried about what would happen, after hearing of so many stories of bad trips and not really having a firm grasp on my own state of mind. I brushed this off quickly by lying in the sun and looking at cloud formations with another small line of K. Slowly I started to feel something that was totally not Ketamine related, a rush of energy and euphoria, so much subtler to exctacy but also intermingled with a definite sense of apprehension. My intent for this trip had just been to lose myself, I had a few hard weeks at work and all I really wanted was a short break from reality. Boy was I going to get that.
<br>
<br>
At that moment I started seeing patterns emerging in my rucksack, like squiggly lines coupled with ancient mayan artwork, I could still see the bag and all its features, and I fully realized these lines (which were in motion) were caused by the acid. After that my world was completely blown apart. I shall start with my perception of time, it seemed to be getting faster and faster, then in a split second it would reduce to a crawl, then this cycle would repeat itself. This was emphasized greatly by the sound of the drum and bass in the background that seemed to be slowing and getting faster in response to the perception of speed I had on time at that particular moment, almost warping. At about the same time I had fully grasped this time concept, shit started to get a little weird. I will try and explain this as best as I can, but I don´t think language itself can convey what happened.
<br>
<br>
One minute I'm having fun with things going slower and faster, the next I am no longer me, its as if I am just a blob of energy sitting under the sun. I had no arms no legs no body as such, I was just there, unable to interact with the outside world, I was just a presence but the rest of the wold could not witness it, I could see everything clearly, the fields of grass started shimmering gold, I was struck in awe, the clouds slowly shifted in color, plants danced in a way no wind could have blown them, I didn't feel connected to anything, I felt as if I was just an energy, bordering on the outskirts of something greater. By this point the girl I was with had become slightly worried as I had been staring at the distance for a good hour, I was sweating buckets (although it was extremely hot) and all I had managed to say was, 'no fucking way, mate, what the fuck,' in a slow and incredulous tone over and over again.
<br>
<br>
By this time I was being fed water and I was slowly coming back to some form of normal existence. I was still tripping. It was like there was a constant mist in the air and the dust raised by the people dancing to the music was the most amazing thing I had seen. A total feeling of unity and togetherness. Something that really blew me away was seeing a tiny little moped emitting the sound of a monster truck. lol, that will stay with me for ever, and in fact on subsequent trips I have hallucinated that again but inversely, in this case a jaguar emitting the sound of a tiny moped. lol.. This is all that my memory allows me to recall. But I shall say this. Speaking now, I have had many more experiences with acid. The hard part is not trying to force myself to stay sane, the hard part is in trusting myself and believing in myself enough to know that I am clever enough not to hurt myself. I think the problem is that so many people were filling up my mind telling me not to worry and to not take it if I don´t feel right, and if I´ve had a hard time lately don´t take it. At the end of my trip I became paranoid, and that lead me to experience a bad trip. But hey we live and learn people :)
<br>
<br>
This experience is not meant to serve as a reference for people looking to expand an inner consciousness or look for revelations. I´m simply a hard working guy that likes to feel different from time to time, likes to see things different colors, different shapes and move around likes the intense emotions and thinks drugs are the key to that feeling.
<br>
Easy.
<br>
Ed<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 71147</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 28, 2009</td><td>Views: 6,129</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=71147&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=71147&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Ketamine (31) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Rave / Dance Event (18)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 joints/cigs</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">65 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I experienced insanity on LSD 3 months ago, and I still have trouble piecing together the events of that night. It was the day I had finished my final school exams, and in celebration myself and 3 other friends decided to have a bit of fun with some mind altering substances. It was roughly 6 months since we had discovered hard drugs (starting with ecstasy and moving on to LSD, and finally ketamine). Apart from these, we had been smoking pot for about a year. It was my second time taking acid.<br>
<br>
The day started off with us driving to our dealer to buy 8 blotter tabs of acid. We'd had experience with the same blotters before and knew that they were very potent stuff (in our opinion). On the drive back we each dropped both of our tabs. <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> 20-30 minutes later the tingling sensation began along with that unmistakable sense of excitement.<br>
<br>
We arrived at another friends house (he disagreed with hard drugs and was only joining us to smoke pot) and smoked a joint of chronic. This is where it all began... the hallucinations, which were very slight at first, began to become increasingly more intense. Sounds/sights/smells intermingled, and I was overwhelmed by the amount of information rushing in at me at an alarming pace. I sat back on my couch and it seemed as if my conscious and subconscious minds had swapped positions, as my conscious could not deal with the overwhelming amount of hallucinations. My friends tell me I was conscious at all times throughout the night, but it was as if they were talking to a person who was half asleep.<br>
<br>
In the utter confusion and fragmentation that was my mind I completely forgot who I was, where I was, what drugs I had taken (what drugs were for that matter), who my family and friends were, and in my mind I ceased to exist. The utter terror of floating in limbo without form or sense is indescribable. It was as if I had gotten off at the wrong stop and was now stuck here for all eternity, and indeed it felt like eternity - even though the experience lasted only 6-8 hours.<br>
<br>
Somewhere about 3 hours after the first joint I surfaced, and my friends, scared of the point to which I had lost sanity, offered me several lines of ketamine in an attempt to sober me up. On the contrary, the ketamine seemed to numb my body completely, meaning that I was lost in my mind and in my body and had no anchor to hold me down to reality. I slipped back into the dark hole of my mind.<br>
<br>
My mind acted on the utter and complete terror I was feeling and in my insanity I was being ripped apart and crushed, dying, being stabbed and tortured for endless hours.<br>
<br>
When I finally surfaced from my mind I refused to believe that what I was seeing was real. I was convinced that all of the things I was seeing were another trick played on me by my mind. I searched for ways to disprove that what I was seeing was real.<br>
<br>
The sense of loss of reality lasted for about 2 days, until I forcefully stood in a rainstorm and soaked myself to the bone.<br>
<br>
I have taken LSD several times since then and have had some very good times. The warning I am trying to communicate is to be aware of the possible downside to smoking pot on the comeup of an acid trip. My friends have all experienced insanity (although not to the degree that I lost it) when they have smoked on the comeup. Smoking 3-4 hours after taking the acid renews the trip and is an enjoyable experience.... <br>
<br>
Acid is a valuable learning tool and allows you to look outside the box, however I would advise anyone seeking to try it to be very careful and do as much research as possible.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 58559</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Sep 13, 2009</td><td>Views: 6,026</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=58559&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=58559&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1), Ketamine (31) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Post Trip Problems (8), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I had experianced LSD quite a few times before and after this, but I have to say this was my best experiance.
<br>
<br>
630| Pretty late to drop acid, but I had work all day, so I got together with my friend, and we dropped it in my room. We stuck around for about 20 mins, and then started our adventure.
<br>
<br>
Little After 7| As we were walking through the woods, we got into a deep conversation. 'God couldn’t always be there, he had to appear sometime, it doesn’t make sence!' 'What about that time before he was there, what was everything, was there anything?' ect ect ect
<br>
<br>
720ish| We got to the woods behind my school, this is when we started to REALLY feel it. We were walking down a deep hill and I saw some of my friends. Not knowing what to say, I just said 'I’m trippin balls.' As we walked down the trail, there were millions of fern starting to grow. When they start, their just stems curled up at the top. Looking at these, it looked like magic mushrooms were growing everywhere, millions of them. We found a spot to sit down at, I ended up laying down though, watching the leaves change colors. We tried smoking weed, but it didn’t do anything due to the fact that we were tripping so hard. We listened to music, Octavarium on acid is amazing.
<br>
<br>
8| We started to go back towards the school. Walking down this extremly long straight trail covered with trees was amaaazing. The trail kept bending back and forth, and we had a hard time walking. We went walking around on the field and climbed a baseball cage to stare at sunset watching the most amazing colors I have ever seen. It sucked climbing back down - though the sunset was incredible. The clouds were wiggling back and forth violently and I saw more colors then I could ever imagine.
<br>
<br>
830| At my school we have a huge obstical corse, which is about 30 feet high. Seeing as its this high, they need metal wires to keep it in place. There are 6 in all. As we were walking past it, it looked like there were millions of wires, trying to avoid it was pretty hard, I smacked into all of them. As we were passing the woods, I kept telling my friend there were some assholes in the woods staring at us. He wanted to let it go but I wanted to see what was up. So I ran at them, staring the entire time. Out of no where, they were trees. yeah.... there were no people, the trees looked like people walking back and forth.
<br>
<br>
930| At the tennis courts at my school, or our 'Fun Cube,' We took of our shoes and ran around for a wile. Then we realized we could jump up and down and bounce on the tennis nets. That was great, until police rolled up and asked what we were doing. Panicing, I said we were waiting for our parents to pick us up from the game (there was a lacrosse game going on on one of the other fields). Thank god, they left and we went back to the school building.
<br>
<br>
10| We stared at the stars for half an hour. It was amazing. Millions of stars everywhere, all twinkling, and all different colors. We star gazed and it was one of the best things I have ever seen.
<br>
<br>
11| It's a good thing we stole chalk from some house on the way, cause we drew the trippiest most amazing pictures all over the school. We could not stop laughing at everything we were comming up with. Then, my friend came and picked us up.
<br>
<br>
11| At this point we picked up someone else, and went to go smoke somewhere. We parked in an apartment complex and smoked a few bowls wile listening to some fucking weird hypnotist talking about sex and hypnotising people. The weed made the trip better, and we called them up, but they said hypnotising someone on lsd completely defeats the purpose. So after a wile we dropped everyone off and my friend let us off at my house.
<br>
<br>
1230| We start to draw these insane pictures. Pictures with incredible detail. Which ever way you turn it, up, down, left, right, theres a different picture. Their insane. We drew these untill about 5 in the morning. To this day, we will try to draw them sober, its not possible. We also went online looking at trippy pictures and watching them morph and change colors.
<br>
<br>
2| Not much signifigance, but one of the funniest things ever. I poked my eyeball, and it made an incredibly loud squishing noise. With my finger still poking my eye, I turn to my friend. When I take it out, it makes this sealing up noise. We laughed for about half an hour.
<br>
<br>
6| We were trying to go to sleep, but ended up talking about astronomy, god, religion, time travel, the space time continum, all that shit. By 7 30 am we passed out.
<br>
<br>
<br>
In all, since then I have had a much better positive perspective on life. I literally started doing good in school. My friend, who had been unemployed for a very long time, got a job the next day. We don’t take lsd to get FUCKED UP we take it for a more of a spiritual reason, we love the experiance. What it does to our minds, how we can think of such amazing things. How we are so stimulated, how our subconscious is its own person.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 58233</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Sep 18, 2009</td><td>Views: 4,500</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=58233&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=58233&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<tr><td><a href="/experiences/exp.cgi?A=ShowAuthor&amp;ID=290"><img src="/experiences/images/authors/author_logo_default_grn.gif" alt="author logo" align="right" border="0"></a>
</td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Friday, April 28th, 2006 ingested<br>
Trip report written Saturday April 29th, 2006<br>
<br>
LSD - First time - Not exactly what I expected.<br>
<br>
I have been trying to get ahold of LSD for quite some time now, and finally was able to acquire liquid acid on sugar cubes, which I had known to be decent quality. The night starts as I drive with a friend of mine to pick up our cubes. We each get one, as I didn't want to stock up on something I had not taken myself. The sugar cubes are wrapped in tinfoil, placed in a bag, and we're off to my house for a night I've been waiting for, for what seems like forever. The ride home is quiet, with the occasional conversation, usually starting by myself saying something along the lines of 'I have acid in my possession, I finally got it.'<br>
<br>
When I got home it was around 9pm, and we got everything prepared for our trip. 10:10pm rolls around and we throw the cubes on our tongue, letting it dissolve and sit in our mouth. I sit quietly realizing this is what I've wanted for such a long time, and I don't think my mindset could have been any better.<br>
<br>
Now I know a lot about drugs, acid included, and when I started feeling a bit off 10-15 minutes after ingesting the cubes, I just thought to myself 'Placebo...' But no, my friend was starting to feel it as well. My arms were getting lighting, colors at first were a bit of a faded color, and a slight glow was surrounding objects. Within 40-45 minutes I'm full into the trip, my friend seemed to have come up a bit faster then I, and at first I just thought he was acting a bit odd, but found myself in the same position soon after.<br>
<br>
What is this though? What's going on? My head is clear, or so it felt, but yet my vision is pretty distorted at times, clear at others, and there is a lot of ups and downs. This is not what I expected at all! I've had LSA trips that had more of a mindfuck, why is this like this? I tell myself I was expecting too much, maybe the quality was not as good as I had thought, but no difference, I'm not going to allow my thoughts to ruin my first acid trip.<br>
<br>
I start downloading random songs, everything from television theme songs, to techno (which I never listen to, but very much so enjoyed at the time). I'm realizing stages, where I will just drop down from completely having fun doing things I would usually find bored, to feeling sober for a couple minutes, then back again. I didn't expect things to be like that either...<br>
<br>
What to do? For some reason I'm getting bored, but yet still having the time of my life, my friend and I both agree that this tops all drugs we've done, including ecstasy.<br>
<br>
I was feeling pretty normal, distortions and visuals were non-existent, why not take a ride to get some whippets? I've never done whippets, but hell, I was bored, and thought maybe I could bring on some heavier tripping at the time by doing so.<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br>
<br>
I take a ride and pick up a couple whippets. My friend soon after takes a deep breath and starts laughing uncontrollably from the nitrous.<br>
<br>
'What the hell am I doing? I don't want to act like a fucking moron, who the hell does whippets anyway?' Is all I thought to myself, but it was quickly followed by my urge to try it, and I proceeded to do so when I got safely back to my house.<br>
<br>
The first inhalation of the nitrous I took was the biggest, within maybe, 7-10 seconds max, I just felt my world change, like going from one scene in a movie to another in a fading sort of pixelation. I fall to my knees and am in a weird state of mind, my mouth is open wide and yet I can not pronounce any words what so ever. This lasts for maybe 30 seconds, but it noticeably put my LSD trip back into a high range, which I enjoyed very much so.<br>
<br>
I remember having a playlist made on windows media player, and having it on full screen. Every once in a while I'd call over to my friend and tell him to come look at it. At one point we were both staring, and all of a suddon the color scheme changed from light neutral colors, to firey orange and red swirls, which only got darker, and we both flinched in fear and shuttered. I found it completely amazing afterwords that we both had the same reaction. It just felt odd, hot and I guess we gave the media player visuals some life like qualities in our minds.<br>
<br>
After laying around, having some weird conversations, listening to music, and attempting to dance around like a fool, I lay down and try and have a serious self examination time, but it's just not there. Focasing on anything just seems hard and pointless, whereas I expected there to be more of a mindfuck, and was highly dissapointed in the lacking of this area, but I don't blame the acid, just the low amount that I took I am assuming. I throw in Sin City, in a movie watching mood, so why not? It's probably around 2-3am by now (I don't quite remember), Sin City is not only a trippy movie, but the tv seems to have a weird depth too it, and a glow, or aura surrounding it, as does any other object that has light around it. I go to the bathroom and look in the mirrior, my eyes are dilated, and I stare in the mirror allowing my eyes to blur a bit. I did this on LSA and had some rediculously odd hallucinations of my face and thought I could pull off something like it with the LSD. I was right, but it was no where near what had happened on LSA, and it required what seemed like a bit of energy.<br>
<br>
Anyway, I finish up Sin City, and go on the computer as I'm feeling pretty sobor now (even though it's been maybe 6-7 hours now, and I quickly realize that I'm no where near sobor.<br>
<br>
The letters on the screen are drooping, the monitor glass seems to be bubbling, and I am seeing grass growing all over, wherever I look. My new job is landscaping, and last night was the first day I've had off in a week, maybe thats why? That's the only thing I could think of. I go to the bathroom again, and while I'm pissing I notice the toilet seat (it was down for some reason) was changing colors, purple to blue, blue to orange/red, and there was grass growing around the whole toilet. This all quickly fades within the next hour as I'm laying down, and I end up falling asleep around 6pm with Pulp Fiction on.<br>
<br>
All in all, a great and completely uncomplainable trip, other then lacking some qualities I was so hoping for.<br>
<br>
It's not 3:40pm, after tripping last night, I am still noticing visual distortion around whatever I am looking at, but it's minor compared to last night, but still noticable.<br>
<br>
It wasn't the most eventful night, but I did have the time of my life, but also was hoping for much more.<br>
<br>
And by the way, neither myself nor my friend got close to having a bad trip or even any mind fuck at all, so it would have been really hard to give us a bad time. The closest thing that could be considered bad was when we were looking at a picture that somehow, after staring at it, depictes Jesus when you look at a surface, and my friend wouldn't stop staring, and he freaked out for a minute or two because it wouldn't go away, but I quickly explained to him it's just an eye trick and it will fade, as it already had for me. And then he went and did it again? I don't get him...<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68359</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 27, 2009</td><td>Views: 11,842</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68359&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68359&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">30 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/hydrocodone/">Hydrocodone</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I have tried just about 'everything' in the past 2 years from Cannibis to Datura and Heroin. I have never lost control of myself while under the influence. However this night was nothing like before.
<br>
<br>
I had just gotten into town and called up a really good friend of mine to find some Acid. We showed up at his distributers house where he handed us 3 vials of acid which still had a ton of LSD left in them. We both took the droppers and cleaned the vials. About 5 minutes later we took the vials and rinsed them with non-chlorinated water. We rinsed them about 3 times until we couldn't taste the sweetness of the alchohol it was cut with, leaving nothing left.
<br>
<br>
We probably ingested about 30 hits each of LSD total, then we said our farewells and headed back to my friends house. Now about 15 minutes after taking this LSD we were already starting to feel it which was obvious we were going to be fucked. We were rising and rising on the plateau of inebriation and about 3 hours have passed and we are STILL rising, feeling super energetic, unable to complete simple tasks, and hallucinating like I have never experienced before.
<br>
<br>
We went outside for a little bit where it was raining, and I would look at the sidewalk and notice that flowers of such vibrant and beautiful colors were growing and breathing. There were so many patterns and confusion from the LSD I would forget where I was. The 'trails' I was experiencing were lasting about 30-40 seconds. I constantly heard techno-industrial music playing but it was dead silent except for the rain pouring down on us. I must say being outside in the rain on LSD was one of the greatest experiences I have ever had. I have never had so many visual and audio hallucinations in my life. I could feel the bass of the non-existent music. I could touch and smell the non-existent flowers growing out of cement. The only downside at this point was that me and my friend were completely, and utterly retarded.
<br>
<br>
We ended up going back inside and listened to some music, put on the blacklight and he gave me a light show. The lights were so bright and loud, yes LOUD. I could taste the blues and greens and when the turned the light and music off... everything was dead silent. After a few hours we ended going back to his distributers house where he had just got a new shipment of Ketamine.
<br>
<br>
I was probably 6 hours into this LSD trip from outer space and still I did not level off. My energy and mentral frustration kept building up. When we arrived at his house I grabbed the bottle of liquid Hydrocodone I had and took 2 tablespoons (30mg Hydrocodone, can't recall the amount of acetaminophan). About 10 minutes later I could feel the hydrocodone kicking in.... at which point I noticed I could not even walk.
<br>
<br>
One of the guys at the house just cooked up a vial of Anesket. It was high powered ketamine that was used to tranquilize Horses and even Rhino's (as labeled on the bottle). He came by with a blaster-vial and measured out about 20mg of ketamine and told me to snort it. Immediatly after I snorted it my head hit the table and I passed out.
<br>
<br>
-----------------------------------------------------------------
<br>
<br>
Everything from this point on is what I was told by my friend which most likely saved my life during this whole ordeal. He did not consume anything else at the distributers house besides water as he was frying pretty hard from the LSD.
<br>
<br>
-----------------------------------------------------------------
<br>
<br>
<br>
After I passed out I woke up and threw up all over myself, He said that I could not walk or stop vomiting. It was obvious that I had overdosed and was in a tranquilized state of nauseousness. I was heaving so much that I passed out several times more because. I myself can remember some of this, but my concious state of mind had no control. My mind literally recoiled in horror and watched itself as my body began to shut itself down. This was horrifying because I could think but not do anything while my subconcious took over in a fight for survival.
<br>
<br>
I passed out on the linolium floor which I had threw up all over and once my friend realized that I was utterly fucked... he decided to get me out of this drug-distributors house as it was not a safe place to be. He carried me back to his car where I would be nodding in and out of conciousness in an endless state of nausea and vomitting. He drove us both back to his house where I spent the rest of the night on his floor with him force-feeding me water so I wouldn't get too dehydrated from all the vomitting. He talked to me all night and I gradually started to snap out of the ketamine. I started to come to at around 9 am.
<br>
<br>
-----------------------------------------------------------------
<br>
<br>
My previous encounters with ketamine have never lasted that long or tranquilized me that badly. It is obvious that the mixture of the Hydrocodone and LSD made it VERY intense. I to this day cannot thank my friend enough for taking care of me during this. I will not mix LSD and Ketamine together again, as they strongly reacted with each other and overdose in my situation was present. Me and my friend were still feeling the effects of the LSD probably up until the next week.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 52002</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 26, 2009</td><td>Views: 20,388</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=52002&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=52002&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Ketamine (31) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Health Problems (27), Overdose (29), Hangover / Days After (46), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 line</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
On a boring summer afternoon, I had some spare cash and decided to buy 2 hits of acid off of a friend. I had tripped only 2 times before on LSD. Being a lightweight with all drugs, both trips were 1 hit at a time. I ate the first hit at around 5 pm. Since I had no plans for the night so far, I began to play video games, occasionally taking a break to watch tv. About 2 hours into the trip, I was feeling good enough to try a second hit.
<br>
<br>
About 30 minutes after eating the second hit, 2 of my friends came over to smoke. I smoked 2 bowls of fairly potent cannabis with friend A and B. It was shortly after this that my visual hallucinations began to grow more vivid. The sunset looked like a spectrum from orange to purple and the grass took on a purplish tint as well. Shortly after, I discovered that a neighbor was having a party at his house.
<br>
<br>
I walked across the street with friend A and B. We spent an hour in his kitchen smoking a bong and listening to music. Friend B got a ride with another friend of ours. Suddenly my neighbor's ipod dies. I offer to go to my house and grab my ipod and portable speakers. I can't recall what time it was, but it was very dark, and I had an extremely hard time seeing in the dark. The ground looked like a blank cloud covered in a rainbow blur. After finally stepping off his deck and making it back to my house, I struggle to find my ipod and speakers. Nearly 20 minutes later I return to the party. Soon the party becomes more like a rave. Several people in the house had ketamine, and another came with a very large vial of ketamine. Being in a very altered state of mind, it did not take much for my friends to convince me to do a line of K.
<br>
<br>
I don't know at what point the ketamine started to take effect, but I remember dancing and feeling very distant. It seemed like I was stuck in a loop, moving in slow motion, although I could distinctly make out the constant beat of the music. Images of the people around me would spiral in slowly into my vision and morph into different images. Echos of things I said, or people around me said would repeat and fade out into the distance. The rest of the night is a blur. I took many more bumps of ketamine, and smoked a lot of cannabis throughout the night. Friend A ended up taking a capsule of molly and some ketamine.
<br>
<br>
When I finally ended up going home with friend A, we took more bumps of K throughout the night. We tried to play some WoW but it was very hard for me to complete a train of thought let alone play a game. After about 10 minutes of running around in circles in WoW, I give up and decide to browse the web while watching tv until I could fall asleep. I spent several hours attempting to fall asleep, but the constant pattern like hallucinations kept me awake. Even by 10 am the next day I had still not fallen asleep, and I could still see very mild visual hallucinations. My thought process was extremely slow. My mind felt empty and drained. By now friend A had already left. I continued to watch tv and attempt to sleep until afternoon. Some time between 3pm and 8pm I had fallen asleep.
<br>
<br>
Since that night, I have exhibited many sypmtoms of HPPD. Kaleidoscopic visual static, mild to severe dp/dr, and mild depression. I have a very hard time focusing and randomly become anxious. And I continue to have the disorder to this day. While that night was definitely enjoyable, I wish it had never happened.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 79427</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 26, 2009</td><td>Views: 7,755</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=79427&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=79427&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Ketamine (31) : Health Problems (27), Depression (15), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Combinations (3), Large Group (10+) (19)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 7:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Friday had finally arrived. The anticipation was mindblowing, the preparations, extensive. During the day I could barely contain myself, begging time to make an exception for me, for the sun to set just a little faster.
<br>
<br>
Curiously, the days festivities actually began with a drug test - that I passed. You see, I had found myself compromised in regards to my recreational activities some weeks before, and was at the time facing the consequences of my carelessness. No matter, for without the imposed abstinance of my cherished trysts with the Lovely Mary Jane, this night would not have been possible. After pissing clean as the new fallen snow, I made my way to the setting-- the local science museum, which was holding its monthly light show, to the music of Dark Side of the Moon, a personal favorite.
<br>
<br>
With the show to begin at 9, I took all four of the pretty little pieces of paper I had in my pocket at 7pm, relishing the mildly bitter taste as I sucked on them for my traditional 20 min, before swallowing to make sure none was lost. The onset was normal, with the clammy coldness that I have actually grown to enjoy creepying over my skin by approx. 8pm, before giving way to decent visuals and mildly abstract thoughts.
<br>
<br>
I had taken these same blotters before, actually quite frequently over my period of impending drug tests, due to their indetectability, and was aware of their relative impotence, hence 4 hits. The night would have been rather lackluster had it not been for my first love, Mary. I had arranged for a friend of mine to bring a car as a secure smoking location (as the museum officials had finally become aware of the type of people who attended these shows), so we all piled in and went over to the darkest part of the parking lot. After a brief stint of irrelevant complications, I found myself with a small glass bong in my hands, packed to capacity with some succulent bud I had obtained.
<br>
<br>
This was where it got interesting.
<br>
<br>
Keep in mind this is all in the context of LSD, which was still working effectively enough that I didn’t even notice there was no water in the bong. This realization came about mid-harsh-hit, but as I hadn’t smoked for the better part of a month, the pungent aroma that I missed so, so, so very much was more than compensation. Ah, the payoff of my patience. Obviously, my normally shield-like tolerance was at baseline, at with the first, sudden blast to my receptors, reality melted around me. It consumed my body with the first hit, and I quickly passed the piece to my friend while absorbing the INTENSE sensations. Depth perception was out the fucking window, it was as if everything I saw from the backseat of that car was on a flat canvas.
<br>
<br>
I only took 1 more hit from that bulging bowl and it was entirely sufficient for where I wanted to be. I quickly exited the stifling car and made my way towards the building. On the way there I saw several of my friends smoking in their cars, and made a weak attempt to acknowledge them, euphoric in the knowledge that I was lightyears past them. Another friend of mine approached me later, and I was fascinated to watch her talk and gesticulate-- it was as though she was a fluid cartoon, and her entire body was a monochromatic collage of blue (smerfette?). I finally reached the floor and laid down for the show, under the giant, colorful dome of the planetarium, and gradually reached a trancendental state, to the point where I can barely remember the show, just nitpicks of the songs, and the intense elevation I felt at climax of Eclipse, a moment I had eagerly awaited the whole show.
<br>
<br>
I could barely find my way to the train station, but once on, just chilled and enjoyed the closed eye visuals, before eating at a pizzaria and walking home with my friend. Its a long walk, and there were many adventures in between, but the real peak of my night was actually yet to come. When we reached my house, I was starting to come down (2:30am), so we rolled the rest of my bud and his into one fat club of a spliff, and carted it outside with a fuckin forklift. We finished it after some time, and I just laid back, enjoying the twinkling, connect-the-dots aspect of the stars, before heading in. I was way stoned, but not exactly tripping, and laid down..gradually drifting off….
<br>
<br>
KEEERRRR---POWWWW!!
<br>
<br>
My eyes shot open and I saw only my digital bedside clock reading 3:23am. My universe had been remolded, repressed, processed and spit back out. The sensation I felt as the full power of the bud hit was indescribable. I stood up and walked around, and realized that I realized everything for the first time. I saw things for how they truly were, they looked the same, but I saw them entirely differently. It was a heightened awareness of the universe and everything, I had no idea what was happening. Gradually, I pieced together the conclusion: My name is ----, I’m tripping on LSD, and these are the effects. The best way I can describe the sensation is as though before I was just an animal, such as a dog, and that I had just become self-aware as a human, suddenly realizing, I EXIST. I also pieced together that if I went to sleep, the feeling would go away. I laid down, but was continually touching my arms to bring my attention to the fact I had a body, as it would instantly disappear each time I was still, and I would become nothing more than an immeasurable point of awareness in the cosmos where thoughts-were-matter-were-energy, where everything was constructed of the same inexplicable material. This was the strongest I had ever felt these two drugs in combination.
<br>
<br>
The feeling lingered for days, obviously not as intense. It wasn’t exactly a good feeling, but definatly not a 'bad trip', that was months ago, and my tolerance is once more at baseline.
<br>
<br>
Fuck if I can’t wait to try it again.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 61159</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 2, 2009</td><td>Views: 4,902</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=61159&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=61159&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : Hangover / Days After (46), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3.5 tablets</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Before I begin to share my experience, I must say that I am only 15. Now, with that said, I am much more experienced with drugs than most 15 year olds. I have decided to share this trip with others before I forget what happened.
<br>
<br>
To fully explain why my experience was so odd, I must travel even further back. It was an amazing day for a concert. My three older friends and I, lets just call them J, L, and N decided to go see a Trey Anastasio show. For those of you that don't know, Trey Anastasio was the front man of an amazing band called Phish. Basically, this day was going to be one of the best experiences of my life. With a bottle full of very strong MDMA, a few 2CBs, some opium, and of course, some cannabis, we ventured to the show.
<br>
<br>
The show was a mind-blowing experience, and while we were there we traded some of our MDMA for some extremely potent LSD. I took 3 triple dipped tabs, while I was already rolling off of 3.5 rolls. In case there are those out there who don't know, that means I took 9 hits of acid. Once we got back to our hotel, I took the 2cb. I was feeling amazing.
<br>
<br>
However, about two hours after we got back to the hotel, my mind went completely blank. I can not remember one single moment of consciousness from that point until about 6 in the morning. From what my friends tell me, I was continuously walking throughout the room, standing on tables, and not speaking a word. I still don't know exactly what happened to me. But I know for sure that I was not psychedelically sleepwalking, as I was not the least bit tired when I 'fell out of consciousness'.
<br>
<br>
Now, for the actual story.
<br>
<br>
About two months later, J and L told me that they had a sheet of some ridiculous acid. Of course, I accepted when they asked me to trip with them. It was all set that we would get a hotel room at the holiday inn just downtown. But, things don't always go as planned. Even though we had gotten very little snow all year, the weather just decided to snow about a foot. This meant that no one was aloud to drive. We weren't about to let a little thing like snow come in the way of us tripping, so we all just decided to go to L's house. I took a train over, bringing my Nintendo 64, a pastel set, and a sketchbook.
<br>
<br>
About ten minutes after arriving, they asked if we should start dosing, as it was only 5 PM. Without pausing, we all dropped 2 hits. About 45 minutes later, we all agreed we were feeling something, but we needed a bit more. So, J gave me 2 or 3 more hits. We went upstairs to L's room to come up. L and I started to feel a little sick, but nothing significant. All of a sudden, it hit me. A completely white lamp turned rainbow and patterns were everywhere. I told the group, but only L agreed. So, J decided to take more.
<br>
<br>
Due to the storm, it was very difficult to find any weed. Eventually, we got a dealer, RC, to drive to us. We waited for him outside for what seemed like hours. But I didn't mind much because for some reason it felt as if I could not get cold. Also, the patterns our feet would make with the snow were beautiful.
<br>
<br>
Finally, RC came through with a dank quarter. We went inside, and got dried off. J continuously ate more, as we went into the basement to 'dry our clothes'. This was just an excuse to her parents so that we could blaze in the basement.
<br>
<br>
We went down, and began to toke. This, of course, heightened the acid very much. At this point, I was starting to peak. Everything began to turn into lines of energy. This is where things began to get foggy. I can then remember everything starting to flash in different extremely vibrant colors. I could feel every inch of my body become pixilated. It felt as though a million dull needles were pressing against my body. It was not necessarily a bad feeling, just very odd. Out loud, I then stated 'It's coming again'. This was, subconsciously, referring to the night I tripped in the hotel.
<br>
<br>
The room then turned into a giant maze with the colors still changing. It was not necessarily the kind of maze one would think of. I, actually, can not describe in words what exactly it was. All I knew was that there was a strong voice saying 'you MUST get out of this maze, or you will die'. At this point I could hardly control my body. I started running around the maze, and climbing up it. I could not control my voice either. I distinctly remember screaming 'Oh MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD'. There was no reality anymore. I did not know anything of real life. All there was was me and the maze.
<br>
<br>
Now, this may sound like I was having an extremely bad trip. However, in my mind, I kept remembering that I had just taken acid and this will be over at some point. I kept thinking to myself 'I might die, alright. Let's just see where this goes'. However, out loud I was still yelling. J covered my mouth because L's parents were directly upstairs. J said to me 'It's ok, you're just having a bad trip, and you’ll be fine'. I knew this, and I believed him. But, my body would not let me stop. I continued running and getting out of my maze. Finally, I made it out. J and L looked extremely scared. Again, I had absolutely no recollection of what had just happened.
<br>
<br>
Now, you may be asking yourself how I retold that if I had no recollection. I will explain that later.
<br>
<br>
J and L explained to me what I had just done. From what they said, it sounded like I just screamed once very loudly. I was still very disoriented, and had trouble doing anything normally. Although, now, at least I had somewhat of a sense of reality. I apologized greatly to L. However, we later found out her parents did not hear. We went back upstairs to L's room to try and sort out what had happened.
<br>
<br>
We turned on the Nintendo, and tried to play. I looked down at the controller, and then realized I could not see what it was whatsoever. I then, forgot completely what a Nintendo controller was. I did not tell the others because I could barely speak. It took an extreme amount of effort to do anything. L then turned to me and said she did not think I should do any more acid. I said nothing. I forgot how to communicate. In my head, I thought 'What is acid?'. I then began to think about life. I could not remember the simplest things such as what death was, or how it occurs. I could not even remember that one needs to eat to survive.
<br>
<br>
Everything was a giant blur, when suddenly BAM. It all came back. I told them both that I was fine, and did not have a bad trip. Throughout the rest of the night I was a little quiet, but still had a great trip. Slowly, very few parts came back to my memory. About a week later, I remembered almost everything else from that part of the trip. However, there are still parts today I can not quite pinpoint exactly what happened.
<br>
<br>
I think there is a small link between my first blank out, and my second experience. However, I do not think that they were in any way the same thing. The second one was by far more intense and psychological than the first. I have also thought about how my age may have effected what happened to me. After this experience, I have decided to take a little hiatus from acid. However, it won’t be too long.
<br>
<br>
Finally, one effect that I love that has come from this experience is that previous to this trip, I very seldom remembered my dreams. Now, every night I have the most vivid dreams I have ever had that I remember the next day.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 61884</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 15</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 3, 2009</td><td>Views: 7,787</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=61884&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=61884&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.25 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This is the story of my momentous first experience, ever after referred to only as 'Wednesday'. Coincidentally, this Wednesday happened to be the first day of spring, a good day for rebirth. I should preface what follows with this: This LSD was incredibly potent. Because it was my first time, and because of the reefer, I had quite the time trying to piece the events of the night together sequentially. Thus, I will stop reporting things as happening in ordinary linear time past a certain point in the trip, only to resume doing so when the story ventures into the morning after.
<br>
<br>
I had been preparing for some time, along with my three partners in crime. One, lets call her Z, had not dosed before, the others, J and S, had both done this before. We had all made playlists, brought books, activities, even a video game console. Needless to say, in the end we did both less and more than we had planned. The day of the trip J was returning home from a college visit, I remember distinctly the waiting in front of his house for him to get home. The sense of giddy euphoria was overwhelming. The ride to Z’s house, where the event was to take place, was filled with shouts of glee.
<br>
<br>
We dosed at nine in the evening, almost exactly. The first thing that I noticed, and perhaps this was just nerves, was a feeling like energy in my spine. Then, for no obvious reason, we decided to go on a walk. It occurred to me, and I then informed my compatriots, that this was the first day of spring. They seemed to be delighted. There were no major perceptual distortions during the walk, only a few subtle ones. Shadows flickering in the corners of our eyes. Upon our return, however, things were distinctly different in an indefinable but extremely meaningful way.
<br>
<br>
From somewhere in the house J procured a chess set and we began to play. We thought it appropriate to take on different names while playing chess: he became Morgoth and I, Manwe (for all you Tolkien geeks out there). Each piece seemed to have its own distinct personality, they were individuals with their own goals and hopes. This idea put a damper on my ability to strategize, I simply wanted to let these fellows do their own thing. J eventually triumphed. Later we would return to this same board, only to realize that we couldn’t remember to rules. So, doing the only logical thing, we turned the board so that it formed a diamond and made up our own.
<br>
<br>
At some point I looked up at a wall hanging, in sober life a rather drab abstract
<br>
piece, but to me at the time a variety of images, reminiscent of Archaic Greek vase paintings were playing out across it. It’s shape and size seemed to distort, and as a continued to watch it I realized that it was playing out a story for me. I couldn’t make out the details, but I could swear it had something to do with Dionysious. We had brought paints, and I saw fit to cover a portion of my face with green, the wonderful color of the herb. The others, being a bit closer to the material plane at that moment, advised me to clean my face before it dried. I went to the bathroom and very strange things started happening. Looking in the mirror while tripping can be very rewarding, but very harrowing. I seemed to see all my faults laid out before me, spelled out on my face. As I washed it, they, along with the green paint seemed to fade. I was then struck by the urge to use the restroom. I did so, and then flushed the toilet. It sounded, as best as I can put it, like some combination of a jet taking off and a dying water buffalo.
<br>
<br>
What I believe to be the peak of the experience occurred outside, lying on the ground. I looked up at a star and my vision extended like a tunnel towards it. The distance between me and it seemed to grow and shrink simultaneously, until I realized that distance had no meaning. Then the star transformed into a horse of burning white fire for just a moment, then everything jolted abruptly back to normal. Though they really cannot be conveyed, the emotions I was feeling were so pure and free…
<br>
<br>
We went on another walk, and this one was grand indeed. We passed a tree that seemed to me to be Telperion (sorry for all the Tolkien references) and lied down underneath it. Here I experience the first instance of what would be a persistent hallucination. The tree transformed into moving, flowing fractals that filled the entire field of my vision. As the walk progressed we encountered an alley that, at the time, seemed endless. We walked down it… but at some point I had to turn back. There were things at the end I wasn’t ready to see.
<br>
<br>
Marijuana, I must say, never tasted so good. Though, embarrassingly enough, I was once overcome with the giggles and blew out the contents of a bowl mid inhale. I also discovered the joy of cigarettes, about the only negative thing I can attribute to LSD. Let’s just say that smoke is quite fun to play with. Many more things happened of course, so many more. More than I remember and more than you have the inclination to read. But suffice to say, it all rocked. Pretty god damn hard. The morning after, I was still just a bit loopy, but I managed to help clean up the city of mess we had made. Afterwards, I made my way home and had the best sleep of my life.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 64991</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 7, 2010</td><td>Views: 4,242</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=64991&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=64991&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">165 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It was Christmas Day, December 25, 2004. 11:30 at night.
<br>
<br>
I'll be Kazera. My lady'll be Keaira.
<br>
<br>
Substance - Bright, red, yellow &amp; blue collored gecko/butterfly blotter acid (10-strip)
<br>
<br>
11:35pm - I ingest 4 hits at once, followed by 4 gulps of Deja Blu. Keaira injests 2 hits followed by 2 gulps of Deja Blu, in a BlockBuster parking lot. She's video-taping the entire night.
<br>
<br>
11:50pm - We arrive home. Immediately I run to the bathroom to urinate. I am absolutely ectsatic with anticipation, I've waited so long for this night. We light candles, put in our A Perfect Circle DVD, for visuals, and Marilyn Manson's 'Portrait of an American Family' album to help jump-start our on-set waiting period with Manson's hypnotic drum beats and twisted, aggresive melodies and vocals.
<br>
<br>
12:35am - As Keaira video-tapes me, I become unaware of what she's doing, or of what I'm doing. I was previously playing with the cd player, and somehow have found myself feeling as I'm floating. I can't seem to sit still, I feel as if I'm being lifted and swirled and the room like a tornado running rampid through an innocent Oklahoma prarie!
<br>
<br>
12:50am - Keaira is laughing frantically as she video tapes me, I seem to come up with the most humorous and unexpected dialouge. Every word I say and every glance from my eyes into hers, generates a burst of laughter and cosmic connection and understanding, thus which I never never previously experienced, through 5 lsd voyages and countless MDMA encounters.
<br>
<br>
1:00am - I find myself jumping over my living room couch. It seems so easy and natural to do. I feel invincible as if I'm no longer human but as if I'm part of every breathing, waving and sparkling entity in my home. It allows me to jump, sing and fly as if I were in a dream.
<br>
<br>
1:05am - Keaira runs from the bathroom and into the living room.. where she finds me, laid out of my coffee table having dumped and entire glass of apple juice onto my chest and lap. I couldn't give you a straight answer as to why this happened. But, I do remember I felt very in touch with my liquid state, at the time, and dumping apple juice on myself seemed like a very reasonable and profound experience at the time!
<br>
<br>
1:30am (T +2:00hrs) - This LSD experience is just starting to catch up with Keaira. She's beginning to look over her shoulder often and become more wide-eyed and spell-bound. I begin to fill sad, she was only willing to take two hits, and didn't have a clue about the incredible flowing experience I was having. It began to slightly isolate us as her trip left her under our bedroom covers, rolling around and frightened of shadows.
<br>
<br>
2:00am - I've attempted to take a cigarette break on the outside patio, but I can't even sit still for five minutes to do so! I am constantly moving, walking, striding swirling and breathing this moment. This moment which has lifted every question or concern in my existance and has slapped it in the face with a blinding light and truth which I never knew existed.
<br>
<br>
2:10am - Keaira and I make love. We have a silent moment before-hand and connect with eye-contact. We drop all of our individual desires and let our souls give-in to each other. I remember making love on 4 hits of high-powered LSD was like making love to an angel, in Heaven. We could feel each other in every cell, molecule, pore in our bodies. Every hair on the back of mjy neck stood high and tingled. Our eyes closed, our imaginations ran wild as though in this moment, we understood, as we made love, the purpose of conception of the entire universe. We were, for this moment, the center of all life and energy and love!
<br>
<br>
The next few hours resulted in Keaira and I playing with our 3 cats and mostly joking and laughing, saying silly words and rhymes and enjoying the experience as it slowly, yet swiftly faded into the horizon like the after-math of a powerful thunderstorm. Keaira never quite understood why I went so crazy, why I was humping our air-hockey table or why I couldn't sit still. She later learned the difference between 2 hits and 4 hits of this blotter. But this night, for nearly 1 year has been a night to which all other feeling, realizations and truths compare.
<br>
<br>
That night was The Landmark for my relationship with LSD. From that night forward, I fully understand it's power to completely release me from my day-in/day-out shell of routine. I cannot lie to myself about childhood or adulthood dreams. They are there, inside of us. That night helped me to realise just how exciting, energetic and loving it is to be human.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2004</td><td width="90">ExpID: 47851</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 7, 2010</td><td>Views: 4,282</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=47851&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=47851&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Sex Discussion (14), Relationships (44), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">6 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ce/">2C-E</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
<span class="erowid-warning">[Erowid Note:
A substance(s) in this report might be identified incorrectly. Erowid reviewers question the author's identification of the drug described. Although the report is included in the collection, the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]</span> <br>
<br>
I have had experiences with both substances seperately before attempting this combo. <br>
<br>
setting: new year's eve around 5pm waiting for friends to come around. my friend C had bought some tabs from an online source based in holland. people said they were AMAZING and we were very excited as i had not tripped on lsd in a year. <br>
<br>
start point: drop hits. taste sort of bitter and if there could be a color association to the taste it would be purple. the blotter art was Hoffman anniversary blotter. <br>
<br>
+30min - getting those jitters and putting back together my record player seems to be much more interesting than proposed<br>
<br>
+1:00h - starting to feel really high. that really clear lsd high right before the visuals start to grab me. I get in the car with C and we quickly drive to pick up a friend before things get out of hand. <br>
<br>
+1:30h - everything has such a brilliant glow. it is like a new lens of perception. there is a new depth in the trees and the sky seems to be clearer than ever. it is now snowing VERY HARD and the blizzard is illuminating as i am able to pick out every individual snowflake as it falls down to the ground. <br>
<br>
+2:00h - calmly wait in the parking lot and i noticed that nothing has really gotten more intense than the lsd high an hour ago. was that it?<br>
<br>
+3:00h - extremely frusterated as i tried to force the experience to come to light but it failed. though everything seemed to have a very flowing liquidy feeling with the most minute visuals, i was still here and felt more sober than before taking the lsd<br>
<br>
+3:45h - out of frusteration, grab the 2c-e bag and weigh out about 6mg each to insuffilate to get quick effects. nothing happens.<br>
<br>
+4:00h - i feel dull. like my mind has been hit with a hammer or turned onto half capacity. nothing feels alive. it is almost my reality is dying or something is causing this neutrality of emotion and reaction. the visuals are pathetic and no more than the ones produced by lsd alone. <br>
<br>
+5:00h - we get to the party where everyone is drinking. the carpet has very prominent fractal patterns but i still feel sober. i guess this is what tripping forever would feel like with visuals and no mindfuck. i communicate as if i am sober and no one has a clue that we are tripping. <br>
<br>
+5:30h - all visuals gone and i just feel a mild headspace that is rivaled by maybe a hit of marijuana. <br>
<br>
throughout the night, everything died down<br>
<br>
+9:00h - laying in bed but as i stare out the window i am having intense visuals reminiscent of something out of the video game metroid prime. all the branches on the trees are brilliant red and look metallic and futuristic looking. even in the complete dark, the red color is very prominent and obvious in my field of vision. really confused as i have seen no visuals for many hours and had no mental effects except the dullness after the 2c-e. <br>
<br>
+10:00h - finally fall asleep without any chemical aids<br>
<br>
The addition to the weak acid experience, the 2c-e seemed to provide nothing note worthy. maybe the dosage was too small on both ends. the experience was nearly dysphoric. the 2c-e provided no additional psychedelic effects as 6mg alone normally does. combination seems to not work well. some have said that they force a mental leveling out which seemed to appear throughout my trip as I was nearly neutralized by the effects of the 2c-e after dosing on lsd.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68412</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 16, 2010</td><td>Views: 7,835</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68412&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68412&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 2C-E (137) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.5 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:20</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 capsl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It all happened several monthes ago.
<br>
<br>
It was March, my birthday had just passed, and I was preparing to go to my first rave. I’m at a party the previous night, and decide not to drink, because of the number of brain cells that I had to save to fry the next day. Conserve!
<br>
<br>
All of my friend’s are piss drunk, as usual, and a rather noble coke-fiend-turned-drug-pusher decided to sell me a couple of grams of mushrooms, mostly stems, but cheap, but hey- it’s really been a while.
<br>
<br>
The next day I meet up with my e-tarded friends and take a bus to the arena. It wasn’t hard to figure out who was raving, based on the amount of glitter makeup, and glow-sticks. I figure I should eat the mushrooms on the bus, hoping to plateau in a few hours, and then blast myself with my old pal MDMA.
<br>
<br>
Anyway, I get to the rave, and I’m feeling kind of out of place. Not jarringly out of place, and I wasn’t noticeably different, uncomfortable, and ultimately a bit lonely. I walk into the shitty arena bathroom and my friend puts a tab of tabs of acid in my mouth. Free drugs, I thought- what the hell.
<br>
<br>
I start dancing, lights are starting to get a bit fantastic. About twenty minutes later I take the other tab of acid, and continue dancing.
<br>
<br>
I’m really disoriented by this point. Don’t get me wrong, raves are a fucking sensory overload, and I’ve never taken these two together. I start panicking because I don’t think I am going to find my friend, who was to arrive an hour later than me. The place is filling up fast, and I don’t think in an hour I’d find her. Anyway, I do, and what happens, I pop a cap of E.
<br>
<br>
Well, this gets me dancing. By this point, I think that I am on an ocean, and am dancing on the water. I keep hearing orcas in the background, and am constantly pausing to stare at the lights or glow-sticks. Really anything shiny.
<br>
<br>
I can touch the water on the ground and feel it, moving my hands back and forth. Obviously the water was the aged cement floor of the arena, but at that moment I really didn’t give a shit.
<br>
<br>
Pulse is going crazy, afraid of cardiac arrest. Can’t stop dancing. Can’t stop moving, I am the music and I am flowing through the cosmos (I can’t believe I am spouting off this bullshit).
<br>
<br>
People’s faces look like they have mouths that open fourteen inches wide, and have eyes the size of nerf balls. I’m starting to get scared at this point, and I’m running around with my head cocked to the side and my eyes as still as billboards. People know that I’m out of my face, and security is starting to ask questions.
<br>
<br>
By the end of the rave I was still having sensory problems, visual distortions, but had lost the energy that the e had provided, and decided collectively to call it a night. The rave ends, and I feel terrible. Like a night without sleeping, and then being stomped and spit on. I felt terrible, and I felt terrible about myself. My whole body hurts, the internal monologue is on mute, and I want to go to sleep and wake up in a week. We taxi over to a pals place to crash, although we were all to spun out to even sleep. I just lay in the bed for hours breathing spaztically, and trying to shut off the pain of my limbs.
<br>
<br>
It took a long time to recover from this, my heart still isn’t back to normal. I can feel a squishiness in the arteries whenever I do physical activity. I don’t think I deserve what happened, but it was a fucking retarded thing to do. My heart used to skip a beat, well lot’s of beats and it wasn’t reassuring. It was like machine-gun fire, reload, machine-gun fire. I’m not a doctor, but it doesn’t seem normal.
<br>
<br>
I can see static, like seeing a million translucent atoms flying everywhere, sometimes they are darker, and the size of insects. When you start seeing insects you are really in trouble I’ve taken this all sorts of psychedelics and it seems that my awkward physiology finally got the best of me. My brother who is much more mentally fragile than me, ended up in a mental hospital on only two hits of acid. Seems I am one of the two percent. Everything has a wavy quality to it, as if everything is jellow and someone is flicking it from behind with their index finger creating circular waves. Gently disrupting.
<br>
<br>
Will I ever do this again? You can answer that from reading the above. I realize that there is a limit to what my body can take.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 47017</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 22, 2010</td><td>Views: 6,712</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=47017&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=47017&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), Mushrooms (39), LSD (2) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Difficult Experiences (5)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
If your going to try drugs stick to weed and shrooms (in moderation,please.I can't stress this enough.. I have hppd and dp b/c of all my bad and crazy trips on lsd and extacy. I have taken acid 3 times and extacy 4 times. hopefully the low amount will equal fewer years dealing with hppd and dp
<br>
<br>
My first time tripping on acid was during my senior year of high school. I was 18 at the time. a friend and I got the chance and decided to take it. my friends name is D.well after getting the acid I was real happy about getting it. went to his rent's house to trip. at midnight we each took 2 micro-dots. D sat down in his bed but not before he got me a regular bean bag to sit on. I was like YES I get a FUCKING BEAN BAG to sit on when I experience acid for the first time for the whole night. being pretty unfucking comfortable being it in the middle of winter and sitting on a bean bag. I waited for the acid to kick in. I just took the acid without really peparing my mind for a few minutes or anything. this may have played a crucial role in my experience. also the fact that I realy wanted to be trippin outside during the day so that I could get as much positive energy in me as possible didn't help either. but what the hell I figured the acid would take my mind away from it all. so d and I just sat silent for 45 min. then suddenly I felt myself getting really high. it wasn't positive though like weed or shrooms it was like a bad chemical was controlling me. I didn't laugh giggle or have a good vibe. I decided well this may be somewhat of a weak bad trip. then I began seeing visuals which I decided to concentrate on. the walls started to breath and where all 3d-like and the carpet patterns started to crawl and shift. I knew then that this was going to be so cool. words cannot descible the feeling,sensation.
<br>
<br>
I've never really understood what loss of ego meant but it definitly happened to me. well the acid or myself must of not wanted me to leave d's room because I sat there for the rest of the night looking at D's room. telling myself he must be going thru this same stuff as me or he might be having a competely different trip. for some reason I couldn't get up the courage to talk to D. and ask what he saw or to tell him that him and I should go get something to eat and take a walk around the neighborhood. I got real pissed off at the fact that their was no talkin going on. see Im a real talkative kinda guy. and know that talking on acid would be a positive thing. I did finally say something like whoa look at the carpet and the walls. but this wasnt enough. anyway. i sat there like that till 7 o'clock in the morning. wishing for it to end. I fell asleep after that. ..... this rest of this i have written for anyone dealing with HPPD.
<br>
<br>
well I wish that was the end of the story but since that trip i got really depressed, quit my job..I have been real tense since and its been 2 and half years. teeth grinding kind of tense. like when you roll on e (probably another reason i have this problem).I also have been extremely weird since then. and I know im not making this up b/c people from my school during my senior year told me to my face that im weird. Im just one of the persons that shouldn't take acid. It got so weird that I quit talking for a looongg time and I mean months. and just doing weird things like start playing the guitar when in reality Im a drummer. I see geometric patterns a lot when close my eyes, I have trouble scheduling my time or have regular flow of thoughts.
<br>
<br>
Im pissed off that Im putting my family throgh this and that they've had to pay over a thousand dollars to pay for my psychiatrist whom i recently quit seeing and knew I shouldn't be seeing in the first place bc noone can help me I got to get through it myself. I've been on many meds and my opinion is is that they all suck.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2003</td><td width="90">ExpID: 44431</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 28, 2010</td><td>Views: 8,903</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=44431&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=44431&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">69 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Setting: An outdoor dance party on top of a hill, about an hour away from home.<br>
<br>
People: Two close friends, also on substances (not LSD) Friendly ravers, hippies who were also very friendly.<br>
<br>
The rave I attended (Stardust) was known for it's friendly people, tending to be under the influence of substances. Just about everyone there was on substances, whether it be mushrooms, LSD, BZP pills or whatever, Everyone was a mess. A good, friendly, natural mess.<br>
<br>
(T+0:00) Approximately 9:30pm. Ate my apricot I had obtained the day before. It was tried, and the friend I had obtained it from had stated he had it in his car for a week.<br>
<br>
(Please note: I am experienced with LSD myself, and have dosed several times, with various blotters consumed of different potentcy levels)<br>
<br>
(T+00:45) I felt the gradual up-coming I had previously experienced on LSD. I felt very happy, as it had been a while since I had taken a trip, and was feeling quite good about it. The night before, I had little sleep though, as the same two friends that are attending this rave with me and I had taken a prescription drug by the name of DHC (Not 100% sure on this), and spent most the night awake in hysterical laughter.<br>
<br>
(T+01:30) (Note, after this, complete loss of time co-ordination) I was feeling the trip, and very intensely. I had never had acid like this, I felt very good though, and was laughing at everything. One of my friends and I had ventured to the 'Chill-out Tent' and sat in there for a while, laughing our ass off at the funny patterns on the floor, the people around us talking about what seemed completely stupid, yet they were probably in the same state of mind as us. When they dimmed the light in this tent, we proceeded to leave as quickly as possible. We greeted our other friend who was still in the car. He was querying over the fact that a parked car with it's hazard lights on near us was not in fact a car, it was a spaceship. All three of us came to the general conclusion it was a spaceship, as near it we saw several people walk past with glow-sticks covering their body. This was a very laughing matter to us, as it concluded how fucked up we really were. We decided to venture to the other musical zones at the rave, as the drum and bass stage was only playing shitty breaks music, which none of us enjoyed. <br>
<br>
We made it to the psytrance zone. We sat on a fence, and laughed at the what we called 'Mushroom Heads' who were attempting to dance to psytrance, but looked more like they were just swinging their arms slowly. Usually, I enjoy psytrance when I am sober, but the state of mind I was in, I would rather of taken the piss out of everything and anything not related to drum and bass.<br>
<br>
At one point of the night, stupidly, my friend Pat spent $5 of my friends money on a glowstick. Alan and I were EXTREMELY hungry, so I thought as a joke to attempt to refund the glowstick to the mini-shop they had set up at the rave. I went to the shop and promptly stated: 'Yeah, Hi, Ahh, My friend took a shitload of acid, and hes fucking out, and he kinda took my wallet and spent my last $5 on buying this glowstick which I really dont want, and the money was to buy my tea.' The lady running the stall was so wasted herself she actually refunded it. I hadn't laughed so hard for ages, this was so funny to me.<br>
<br>
At around midnight, we heard the breaks DJ come off, and a mile of clapping. I was un-sure if this was appreciaton that the DJ did a good set, or more the fact that all the drum and bass fiends were stoked he was leaving and a decent DJ came on. I ran full speed to the dancefloor, so I wasn't to miss the openeing track. Lucky I did.<br>
<br>
Subfocus - Special Place<br>
<br>
Oh what a track. How brilliant. What more of an intro to a drum and bass set than...<br>
<br>
'Most of us have a special place we like to visit, because we actually feel good being there. What we hear in that place, has alot to do with it. If the sounds are soothing, our muscles relax, our pulse rate drops. We feel at peace. All too often though, when we listen to great music, we settle for sound thats only... average. What music needs, is full deep bass to give it warmth.'<br>
<br>
This made my night. This one track opening the set. I loved the track since Ram Records released it. A brilliant job, I knew this DJ was going to be hot.<br>
<br>
After an hour or so of good dancing with some other friends from another town I had met to great songs I knew very well (that always makes my night) I ventured back to the car, thinking I was hovering over the long wet grass, as I could not see my feet moving beneath it.<br>
<br>
We decided to go for a drive. Usually, I don't drive at all. I don't have my license, or anything. I can't drive a manual at all. Until tonight. What thought overcame my two friends to actually let me drive his manual car, on acid, up a very dangerous gravel road with a cliff on one side. This was one of the most fun experiences of my life.<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br>
<br>
We drove every now and then for the rest of the night, sometimes with me standing on the roof. Even though we were only moving at around 10kph, I still knew this was a silly and immature idea, but it was still amazingly fun. My friend at one stage also lost my ipod in the middle of a massive grass paddock, and then found it (Don't ask me how). I proceeded to drive back to the rave, steering the car with my teeth. We laughed at how stupid this was, yet fun.<br>
<br>
But anyway, back at the rave, my friend Pat (He was on BZP himself) decided he wasnt leaving the car, so we left him there. I persuaded my other friend (Alan) to join me on the dance-floor, and after much persuasion, he joined me. At this stage, I was having very vivd hallucinations, and hysterical laughter followed every stupid story I told.<br>
<br>
The laser light on the dance floor was amazing, and my friend Alan, opposite to what he thought, was having the time of his life. He couldn't stop dancing, like myself. We danced for hours.<br>
<br>
Daylight came, and the music stopped. The DJ walked out and shook my hand, and asked my name. He said he was amazed at my stamina to dance for so long. I was myself also. I am a smoker, and half the time was dancing with a cigarette in my hand. The comments from fellow raved made me feel very good about myself like: 'Woah, these kids are insane! Look at those two!' and 'Fuck, I wish I could dance like that'. I was a very happy chappy.<br>
<br>
After this, we drove home, and prompted to sleep. I woke up at 7am on monday morning, ready for school, feeling good about myself and refreshed. Great acid, great raves, and great people surrounding me. A good weekend indeed.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 61081</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 8, 2010</td><td>Views: 4,832</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=61081&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=61081&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Rave / Dance Event (18)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 capsl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">175 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My buddy M and I traveled to the Vibes fest in the Summer of 2005. On Saturday night, Darkstar Orchestra were set to headline. I ate the acid at the start of the show. As I came up on the acid, I lay back in the grass and imagined I was back at a real Dead show. The show ends, but another show is starting on the smaller stage. It's The New Deal - and they're throwing a rave in the middle of the mountains. Glow sticks, ravers in costumes, so much sound. My friend V and I are dancing hard - the band makes the crowd bounce and the crowd feeds back more and more energy up to the band. A guy named George walks by selling some Molly. He's in a great mood and his pupils are dilated as hell, so we know it's gotta be good stuff. V and I each buy a capsule and break it open in our teeth (bitter, bitter powder - but so worth it). V had also eaten a hit of acid earlier that night.
<br>
<br>
As the show goes on, I start to feel that fuzzy shivering at the top of my skull that I always feel when I do E. Also, the initial feeling of my brain chemicals shifting around is intense so I decide to go sit back on the grass for a bit. The beats just keep pounding, pounding - the lights flashing like a mad tempest. I sit down, and an older man to my right is in a lawn chair, laughing to himself at the scene in front of his eyes. We get to talking, and he's good friends with the guy who runs the festival. I'm mostly listening to him, smiling like a clown and nodding as I hear what he says. After a few minutes of silence, he looks over at me and inquires, 'I take it you're just having a really good time tonight?' 'Yeah!' I respond. Clearly, my eyes and my demeanor give away my state of mind. After The New Deal is done playing I meet up with V and we wander around the grounds a bit. We're both in such contentious and ecstatic moods that we decide to just sit down and chill for a bit.
<br>
<br>
We sit and V smokes a bowl of some hydro (I pass, feeling that my head is plenty well fed for the time being). He and I talk for a while - about our ancestral heritage, our jobs back at home, etc. (I had only met him the day before). The feeling of connection and harmony is difficult to translate into words. V and I get up and find a drum circle gathered in the middle of the grounds. There's about 20 drummers and plenty of smiling dancers. We stand and watch the drums and the dancers as the dawn begins to break on the horizon. My thoughts were racing around in my head, each one as joyful as the last. I reflected on the evolution of the universe - and the gratitude I felt for getting the chance at consciousness. The happiness I felt that life fought hard enough and long enough to spawn the Homo Sapien - the language gifted bipedal beast. I began to feel I was transcending time - going back to the idigenous days of early humanity. The drums - the drums, the dance. The contrast of The New Deal which has been so electronic and modern to the drum circle which was so primal and acoustic - yet both of them clicked perfectly with the rhythm that is the cosmos, the rhythm that is life, the rhythm that is the beating heart.
<br>
<br>
Eventually, the morning rears its head in full and the drum circle dies out. On the walk back to the tent, V and I walk by a cackling fool who informs us that he dosed Wavy Gravy earlier that evening (who knows?). I'm still full of energy. When I look around at the trees in the mountains, they all appear to have extra colors coating their leaves and branches. The beats are still in my head. For hours, they continue. I try to sleep in my tent but it's no use. The combination of the heat of the summer sun and the drugs in my head keep me awake. The beats keep going - my brain synthesizes and improvises them over and over. A good candyflippin' night it was.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 62026</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 17, 2010</td><td>Views: 5,516</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=62026&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=62026&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Rave / Dance Event (18), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gel tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I don’t get many opportunities to use psychedelics, so when they arise, I like to take advantage of them. About a month after I’d returned from Bonnaroo, my friend Steve announced his parents would be out of state for a week. Without hesitation, he, my girlfriend Jamie, and our friends Rene and Liam made plans to drop acid at Steve’s place.
<br>
<br>
Steve’s house is ideal for tripping. It’s located on a dead-end street in a quiet neighborhood surrounded by woods, orchards, farms, and meadows. It’s equipped with a hot tub, a sauna, a deck, a porch, a hammock, comfortable furniture, pool and ping-pong tables, and a high-quality sound system with speakers in just about every room.
<br>
<br>
3:45 PM - Jamie, Rene, and I arrive at Steve’s on a gorgeous Saturday in mid July, the day before my twentieth birthday. Steve and Liam have been chilling for a couple of hours, awaiting our arrival. We unpack our belongings from my car and make no effort to mask our excitement.
<br>
<br>
4:00 PM - We ingest the LSD in Steve’s basement. Steve, Rene, and Liam each take two hits of potent Bonnaroo blotter, while Jamie and I each take a strong Bonnaroo gel tab and a hit of weaker blotter.
<br>
<br>
4:20 PM - I’m beginning to feel the initial effects, that strange sensation of “something’s not quite right.” I’ve taken shrooms three times, but this is to be only my second time on LSD (though my first trip wasn’t very powerful). We decide to go for a hike.
<br>
<br>
4:45 PM - Walking down the street on our way to the trail, my breathing becomes heavy. I can feel happiness mounting from within, and it’s all I can do to suppress a huge grin. Liam begins laughing hysterically. This will be his first psychedelic experience.
<br>
<br>
As we make our way further down the street, the countryside becomes more and more picturesque and I can definitely feel the LSD “heaviness” in my chest and stomach. We see a dog in a yard, who barks at us and looks totally alien. Jamie finishes eating a banana and places the peel in the middle of the road, an act that will take on a strange significance on the return journey.
<br>
<br>
We turn left at the bottom of the hill. The road here is straight and follows a gentle, up-and-down sloping pattern for about a mile. I notice the colors of the sidewalk and grass, and wonder why they don’t always look this varied and pronounced. I also notice the many insects flying in the air and leaping in the grass, they seem foreign and somewhat hostile. Suddenly, I see small, winged creatures zooming frantically over the grass—which is now a Martian red—on the side of the road. My brain cannot decide what they are, so it settles for a cross between a moth, hornet, butterfly, and miniature bird. On second thought, I am not sure these zipping, winged bugs are real or just figments of my imagination. Only when one plows into my bare chest do I realize these things do exist. I shout an expletive and dash into the road to escape these airborne menaces.
<br>
<br>
Steve laughs and assures me they are just locusts. I am only slightly relieved. Seconds later, a motorcycle appears on the road in the distance, heading towards us. The sound of its engine is comical, it sounds much more like flatulence than anything else. The man riding it is overweight and astonishingly frog-like. When he passes us, Liam erupts in laughter and declares, “That man just frumpfucked my soul!”
<br>
<br>
Later, Liam comes up with a senseless bit of wisdom. “In the sands of time,” he declares, “we sit like rocks.” That sends the lot of us into a fit of laughter.
<br>
<br>
We reach a bridge overlooking a shallow river, where we pause and enjoy the wind on our bodies. I feel as though the gentle breeze is embracing me as a human would. It warms me and sends pleasant shivers down my spine. I am now in a definite state of euphoria.
<br>
<br>
Further along the way, Liam plucks a large yellow lily and hands it to me. Its stamens reach out at me in an explicitly sexual manner. This sends me on a new train of thought, and I turn the flower over in my hand, marveling at its natural, organic sexuality and the way it stains my fingers yellow. When I mention this to my comrades, they just laugh, and Rene jokingly calls me a pervert. I am not upset at my peers for their reaction, but I do begin to dislike speaking in this state. I dislike the sound of my own voice and, occasionally, the sound of others’. Throughout the trip, I will frequently recommit myself to vows of silence and request that others keep their voices low.
<br>
<br>
We pass a sign that reads, “ZELDA’S VEGETABLES.” A woman is working in a garden across the street from the sign, and I think, That must be Zelda. Everyone hushes as we approach the woman, all of us suspecting she must know we’re tripping. She doesn’t look up when we pass. Normally, I would enthusiastically greet her, but under the influence of LSD, I feel most awkward and remain quiet.
<br>
<br>
Shortly before arriving at the trail, we pass another sign, this one put here by the state. It says, “NO PARKING SUNRISE TO SUNSET.” I ponder the message and think it’s profound that, in order for one to understand the simple instructions, one must first understand what a sunrise and sunset are. I am in awe that such a basic traffic sign relies upon the human understanding of two beautiful, cosmic occurrences.
<br>
<br>
5:30 PM - The five of us reach the entrance to the trail. I set the flower down by the side of the road, perceiving it as a symbol assuring our safe return.
<br>
<br>
When we pass beneath the trees, I realize I’m tripping hard, harder than I’ve ever tripped before. Visuals kick in almost instantaneously, every plant continuously radiates copies of itself into the air, and when the wind rustles the leaves, bright green tracers flow in their wakes.
<br>
<br>
Before we start the hike, we head down a familiar side path to the edge of a lake where we’d had a campfire several months earlier. A rusty old barrel sits in the brush just off the trail, and I feel strangely comforted when I look upon it.
<br>
<br>
The visuals I perceive at the lake are probably the strongest of the whole trip. The surface of a large tree in front of me ripples as if tiny raindrops are disturbing its liquid bark, and the shapes of its trunk spiral and squirm as if they are alive. I feel as though I am seeing sound. Across the lake, the trees blend into one another, there are trunks where the canopy ought to be, and vice versa. I look to the opposite shore of the lake and expect to see a moose at any moment. Everything here is bathed in a golden, peaceful light.
<br>
<br>
6:00 PM - Soon after we begin hiking down the main trail, I realize I am not enjoying the trek. I feel like I am in a storybook but I have no control over the ending of the tale. The trees and on either side of me quiver and emit emerald vapors, crowding my vision. The Flaming Lips song “It Overtakes Me” comes to mind. I hum it for a while and it boosts my morale, but claustrophobia sets in when I notice how narrow the path is. Furthermore, I realize that every step I take I will have to retrace on the way back, since there is not enough daylight left to make the full loop around the lake.
<br>
<br>
As it turns out, I am not the only one with qualms about this hike. Everyone seems to be expressing their dislike for heading deeper into the woods, and we’re all tripping so hard we’re having great difficulty communicating simple sentences to one another. With great difficulty, I suggest we agree on a time to turn back, and we settle on 7:00 PM.
<br>
<br>
We continue moving forward. The group is talking incessantly, and to me it sounds like a bunch of shouts and screams. Then I realize that everyone really is shouting and screaming. I can feel a headache coming on, and I’m starting to sweat. The mosquitoes are relentless. All I want is to turn back and get out of these damned woods, but I know that breaking our group’s unity will only make things worse.
<br>
<br>
The yelling escalates and so does my headache. There is still a great deal of disagreement about what to do. Should we leave the woods or continue hiking? All I know is that the chaos and confusion are mounting, and the trees are making me feel claustrophobic. Our group can’t make it fifty feet without stopping, splitting up, and going bonkers. At one point, Liam leaps off the path and perches himself on a rock. Another time, wanders off to find a tree he can climb. Further along, Jamie runs ahead on the trail and I fear she is lost. Steve is relatively silent the whole time, but I can tell he’s tripping just as hard as I am. The shouting continues and my head throbs. I sense that I’m teetering on the edge of a bad trip, and I pray I don’t start to panic. I am about to consider ditching everyone and getting the hell out of the woods, when somehow we come to a unanimous decision. We will turn around and head back. Hallelujah.
<br>
<br>
7:00 PM - We had probably only traveled a hundred yards in the span of an hour. Thankfully, going back is much quicker than going forward. My bad mood dissolves within moments, and I cheer up with every step I take. Liam and I walk ahead of the other three and express our relief at overcoming such a trying situation. I comment on how dynamic the trip has been, and resolve to think twice before going for another hike on LSD.
<br>
<br>
We return to the lake, and I am overcome with the same sense of peace and security as when I was first there. We relax and eat some food. I have some difficulty bringing myself to bite into an apple, it looks much more appealing whole. Eventually, though, I take a bite out of it, and I’m amazed at how carnivorous I feel. Words like “consume” and “devour” play through my mind. I feel like I am killing the apple, like I am tearing it apart, but I don’t feel any sympathy for it (which is good, because I am very hungry).
<br>
<br>
When I’m through, I toss the apple into the lake and read the first page of a book Steve brought along. I have a hard time doing so, because the words are moving too much for me to focus on them. I put the book down and take out a Magic Eye book. The images are astounding. Liam finds them hilarious, and laughs until he cries. Rene wants to order a pizza. Steve is fascinated by tiny holes in the log upon which we are sitting. Jamie squeals in lysergic bliss.
<br>
<br>
7:30 PM - At last, we pack up and head back to Steve’s house. On the way out of the woods, we pass a small group of kids about our age. Only a few minutes ago, I had jokingly asked my friends, “What’s the proper etiquette if you pass another hiker and you’re on acid?” I greet the kids, but my words feel empty and awkward. None of us speaks for a minute after passing the other group, then, when we are out of earshot, all of us burst out laughing. I hope I don’t have to encounter any more strangers.
<br>
<br>
Upon reaching the road, I spot the yellow lily I had placed on the side of the pavement. A frown crosses my face when I see it’s been flattened.
<br>
<br>
The rest of the walk is great. Now that we’re out of the woods entirely, my mood elevates considerably. I feel much more sociable, and there is much laughter among my companions and I. At one point, I spot a tractor ahead, coming towards us down the street, except in my current state I cannot tell that it’s a tractor. In fact, I have no idea what it is, just like what happened to me earlier with the locusts. My brain seems to be trying simultaneously to classify the red machine as a robot, ostrich, and police officer. Though the tractor is many yards ahead, I cower until it turns off the road.
<br>
<br>
A friend of ours calls one of our phones to see how we’re doing. I have great difficulty using a phone, so I give up and hand it to someone else.
<br>
<br>
At a four-way intersection, the unthinkable happens. A man stops his car next to us and politely asks for directions. We stare blankly at him, our jaws hanging. The man’s face is horribly disfigured. A few of us snicker. I try to take control of the situation and blurt out, “Uh, I’m sorry, I’m not from around here.” My voice sounds thin, awkward, and childlike. He waves in response, says “Thanks anyway,” and drives away. Well, most of him drives away. While his car and body speed forward down the road, his head reminds behind, suspended in midair, transparent and still dreadfully disproportionate. I blink, and then the head seems to realize it has been left behind and whizzes to catch up with its body.
<br>
<br>
The remainder of the walk back to Steve’s, while relatively uneventful, is full of beauty and companionship. I take in the full splendor of the countryside and we watch the sun on its descent to the horizon.
<br>
<br>
8:15 - We arrive back at Steve’s just as the daylight is beginning to decline. A realm of new possibilities opens, and suddenly there is so much to do. We’ve been tripping for about four hours now, and I want to make the best of the time I have left.
<br>
<br>
For the next hour or two, the five of us listen to music (primarily Jaco Pastorius’ self-titled album), relax in Steve’s hot tub, and sit on his back porch admiring nature. At one point, after smoking a Djarum, Steve turns pale and becomes ill. Though I know it isn’t his fault, his nausea and general feelings of sickness bring my mood down tremendously. For a while, I develop a new sensitivity to other persons’ voices, and I find myself seeking solitude. Eventually, Steve vomits and feels much better. After that, my good mood returns and my irritability vanishes.
<br>
<br>
I recall what a friend of mine had advised me to do if I take LSD. He suggested I lock myself in a bathroom and turn out the lights, promising me that I would “be transported.” I follow his advice. He’s right, as soon as the lights go out, the bathroom walls jettison away and I find myself on a vast, cold, empty plane surrounded by robots “breathing” heavily in my ears. Spirals and waves of spheres and colors fly around my vision, and I can make out prehistoric creatures roaming about in the distance. I emerge from the bathroom minutes later in a state of profound awe. I urge my friends to try what I’ve just experienced. They do, and they’re all amazed.
<br>
<br>
9:30 - Rene has been pestering us for almost an hour to invite two of our other friends to join us. Initially, all of us are opposed to the idea, as we had agreed earlier to limit the number of people to five. As time goes by, though, Rene’s insistence becomes unbearable and we agree to hang out with our other friends Tom and Seth. They arrive stoned out of their minds, and their arrival brings about a more sociable atmosphere.
<br>
<br>
For the rest of the night, as the trip mellows out, we sit around Steve’s table on his patio and smoke cigars, drink a beer or two (no one gets drunk), and engage in good conversation. We go for walks and talk about the day, sharing our experiences and introspections.
<br>
<br>
12:00 - I turn twenty years old. The seven of us celebrate by smoking two bowls of sour diesel. With the exceptions of Tom and Seth, who didn’t take LSD, all of our trips are boosted significantly. We freestyle, experiment with words and phrases, and dance around to Snooks Eaglin.
<br>
<br>
2:30 - We’re inside now, making food and listening to music. We lounge around Steve’s great room in darkness and listen to the entirety of Dark Side of the Moon. Boards of Canada, Incubus, and the Grateful Dead also find their way into our ears. To conclude the night, we watch Disney’s Fantasia.
<br>
<br>
Around 4:00 in the morning, the true enormity of the trip settles in, and I conclude without a trace of doubt that today I had the most intense experience of my entire life. And, now that my mind has finally slowed down enough, I close my eyes and fall asleep next to Jamie.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 64562</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 3, 2010</td><td>Views: 8,751</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=64562&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=64562&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Escitalopram</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Over my spring break this year, some friends and I decided to do acid together. I had done a bunch of research beforehand, because I've had some bad experiences with my psych meds, and I know how easy it is to really screw up my brain chemistry. All I turned up was that my Lexapro was probably going to lessen the effects of acid or shrooms, so I figured it wasn't too dangerous and I'd go ahead.
<br>
<br>
I took two hits on sugar cubes, about an hour apart. I was with three other people, one of whom was planning not to take any but wound up joining us, and later my partner came home and had some as well. We ranged from one hit to three (though one of the sugar cubes had two drops on it, and we never figured out which one). It took me a while to come up, which I attribute to the SSRI because I noticed the same thing with 2cb recently. I started out just seeing the shadows move, colors in the corners of my eyes, and such. Eventually I started seeing the ceiling move, trailers of my hand, and the kinds of visuals I'd been expecting. It wasn't very colorful for me, and I think the only one of us seeing colors was the guy who'd bought it, who took three hits.
<br>
<br>
I got really warm, which happens when I drink also, and pretty uncoordinated at times. When I looked in the mirror, I thought my pupils were moving in and out, and I saw the same on some other people. One of the friends I was with said that when she looked in the mirror she saw herself aging and her flesh melting off her bones, but I didn't get anything near so interesting, just my pupils. Most of the visuals I got were in the patterns on the stucco ceiling. It seemed to be moving, and I saw lots of different images, a lot of them sort of in a woodcut style.
<br>
<br>
We dropped a little after noon, and sure enough we were up very late. I came down before everyone else, which I'm pretty sure was the effect of the Lexapro. It was still hard for me to sleep, but most of the visuals and the weirdness of mind had gone while everyone else was still giggling about the ceiling. I don't think I had much of a headtrip, based on what my friends have talked about. The visuals were plenty fun for me though.
<br>
<br>
Overall, I really enjoyed my acid trip, and I'd love to do it again, probably three hits in hopes of some colors. It really wiped me out, being awake and 'on high' for twelve or fourteen hours, but it was over break so I could afford to be a slug the next day. I've since tried pot, and it seems like it would be great for the day after, since it sends me into a cozy little pile on the couch and I nap.
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<br>
I haven't found anything else online about escitalopram, though the info on other SSRIs has been really helpful, so if you're on it, I'd love to see your experiences.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 52757</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 21, 2010</td><td>Views: 33,810</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=52757&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=52757&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Pharms - Escitalopram (304), LSD (2), SSRIs (396) : Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">119 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This is a funny/not-so-funny at the time story I just wanted to share just in case any of you decided to be a daredevil and go to a job interview while trippin' balls!!!!
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<br>
I was 16 years old and had experimented with quite a bit of drugs by this point, considering myself a veteran. This included : LSD (20+?)times, shrooms, meth, crack, coke, weed, Special K, and X. I had a job interview that day at a large chain store. I had tripped the night before so I decided to double the dose and go to this interview (obviously I wasn't too serious about the job). I new it would be boring so what the heck? It was a interview and training session in which they would go over everything one needed to know about being a prize employee :)
<br>
<br>
Right before I left my house I dropped 2 1/2 hits (about 10:00 am), doubling the dose because I had tripped the night before. To the interview, I was told to bring my driver's license, social security card, and references, the usual. My mom gave me a ride and told me to call her when it was over. That's when I first felt it kick in. I felt energized and a little nervous (I always get this weird perma-grin when I trip as I headed into the store. This particular store was attached to the mall so the only entrance to the actual store was right inside the mall. I went inside and headed to the manager/employee section in the back.
<br>
<br>
I was fine at this point (actually smiling to myself thinking how cool I was). Then I started tripping just as I walked into a small room with a T.V., a long table, and folding chairs that we would all be training in. I went in and waited for everyone to get situated. This was about 10:45 and I was starting to trip HARD!! I was still just chillin', when someone I knew from school walked and sat across from me and said hi. The manager asked for everyone's I.D.'s and SS cards. I went to reach for mine... and that is when the panic started.
<br>
<br>
I realized I had left my I.D. in my room at home. Under normal circumstances this would not have been a big deal... I raised my hand and told the manager what happened. She suggested I go call my mom and just have her bring it over. I left the room trying not to freak out. It did not cross my mind to use the office phone so I headed through the store and down the mall to the pay phone. As I walked through the store everything was a blurrrrr. I was tripping HARD. I thought everyone was looking at me like I was a freak and imagined how strange I looked. I started to sweat and panic, walking faster and faster down the mall. I was wearing high-heeled shoes and my feet kept slipping off them because they were so sweaty. I finally reached the pay phone and called my mom stammering to her about what I needed. She said she would bring it when she picked me up. I walked back to K-MART, still freaking out but feeling a little better. I saw clothes, people, lights blurred and throbbing. Everyone was staring at me. I got back to the room a little flustered but was able to calm down when we started to watch some video about catching people shop-lifting.
<br>
<br>
Then it was time for the questions. The lights came on and we were randomly asked questions about the video. She asked me one and everyone looked at me. I did not comprehend what she was saying, whatsoever, so I look at the table and said 'ummmmmmm.... I am going to have to pass.' Everyone looked at me strangely, including her, and I started to drip sweat. People were looking at me really weird and all I could think about was how strange I probably looked to them and how I had to get out of the room. The table started swirling into a lake and I politely removed my elbows, pen, and papers from it... She asked me another question and I just said some strange thing that made everyone look at me again... I have no idea the question or reply.
<br>
<br>
Finally, it was over. Time for the one-on-one interviews in the managers office. We patiently waited for our name to be called, one-by-one. I was trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. That's when the guy I knew asked me, 'are you okay? you seem sort of weird.' Oh no, I thought, he knows!!! I just stared at him, he looked like the evil guy from the first Mask movie. FREAK!! Just then my name was called and I raced out of the room, knocking over my chair in the process-I did no bother to look back.
<br>
<br>
The manager's office was in a tiny white room with florescent lights blaring and a small desk. She asked me to sit in the seat across from her to ask me some questions. I was sweating, my eyes were DIOLATED like mad, and her face was completely distorted to the point I couldn't even tell what she looked like. She asked me some questions, of which I don't remember, while I tried not to run. And then... I was hired!! WOW!!!! I can only think that they needed help really badly or that there are a lot of freaks who apply for jobs there.
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<br>
Anyways, story of the moral (I know I said that) is: DON'T GO TO A JOB INTERVEIW ON LSD!!!! And remember your Social Security Card.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1997</td><td width="90">ExpID: 47460</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 16</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 7, 2010</td><td>Views: 6,631</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=47460&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=47460&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Workplace (51)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/risperidone/">Pharms - Risperidone</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/mirtazapine/">Pharms - Mirtazapine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My nightmare began in late November of 2006. I had had a bad reaction to LSD, and, after hallucinating and having other bizarre experiences for two months, I decided to check myself into a hospital for treatment. This was in October of 2006, October 26th to be exact. In the hospital, I was given 3mg of Risperdal to treat my *unusual* state of mind, along with a small dose of Remeron, a multi-vitamin, and the chance to take Restoril (to calm my nerves) as needed. I was in the hospital for eight days total, and left feeling mostly stable and strong, with a prescription for Risperdal, along with a prescription for Remeron, in hand. I returned to work the following day. I had continued to work from the time I reacted badly to the LSD, up until the time I checked myself into the hospital.
<br>
<br>
In terms of the meds and my mood, everything started out all well and good, for the most part, except the Remeron gave me weird dreams and restless legs at night, and the Risperdal made me feel overly blunted and sedated. Then, one night, I decided to masturbate. So I did. Masturbate. After a few minutes, the time came to...let things fly, as it were. My muscles tightened in anticipation of the ensuing pleasure, my penis started twitching and...and...nothing came out. Good god, what the f*ck? Nothing came out! What the f*ck! I had an orgasm but didn't come! Couldn’t come! What the f*ck? This was a prelude to later and greater dysfunction, my first glimpse at some of the horrid side effects of psychiatric medications…
<br>
<br>
But anyhow, moving along, somehow I knew the Remeron was responsible for my inability to ejaculate. I stopped taking it, continuing only to take the Risperdal. My ability to ejaculate returned. Things went on from here. I didn't miss the Remeron, and the Risperdal, though not pleasant by any means, did help tone down my mind, which was still overactive. I felt productive enough at work, and felt like my overall condition was stabilizing. Within two weeks, I dropped my daily intake of Risperdal from 3mg to 1.5 mg.
<br>
<br>
Fast forward to Thanksgiving. Here, things get blurry. I live in a major east coast city, and I traveled to visit my parents, who live in the suburbs of another major east coast city. That much I remember. I remember having the desire to masturbate, but not being able to get erect. I believe the Risperdal was responsible. I remember being horrified that I couldn‘t get an erection. I remember trying desperately, as hard as I could, to get…hard, but my plumbing wouldn’t cooperate. No matter what I did, I couldn‘t get an erection. Again, what the f*ck? What’s going on here? Fear. Fear. More fear. I walked to CVS from my parents house. I bought a bottle of Horny Goat Weed. Took two capsules. Waited. My soldier wasn’t being revived. More fear.
<br>
<br>
Things got worse. Right around this time, erection issue aside, still visiting my parents (..I think.?.), f*ing Risperdal REALLY started clamping down on my nervous system. With the force of one thousand bricks. One thousand bricks. Words cannot begin to describe the horror, the absolute and TOTAL horror, of what this was like (…fear….confusion….chaos…Oh my god!…Oh, my god!…Oh, my god!…What’s happening?…What the f*ck is happening?…Oh, my god!…). I felt a cold and lifeless chemical presence “sterilizing” the tubes attached to my testicles. I became one-hundred percent impotent. Fear. INCREDIBLE ANXIETY. Mental horror. My insides annihilated. Fear. My libido deadened, decimated. Terror. My imagination completely and totally stripped away. Oh my god, what’s happening? Make this stop! Please! Fear. Terror. Horror. My emotional life destroyed. Please! My consciousness dislodged from my body. Can’t sit still, can’t sit still. Fear. Fear. Fear. Everything blurry, my soul twisting, unimaginable torture… I became a lifeless wreck, a complete and total lifeless wreck. I couldn’t read, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t feel… I tried lowering the dose of Risperdal. My mind would spin. Up the dose again. More horror, so less Risperdal. My mind would spin. Again. And so on, and so forth. Very unpleasant.
<br>
<br>
Fast forward again. I’ve been off of Risperdal for thirteen months, but the symptoms I’ve described, which started one month after starting Risperdal, have not yet completely gone away. I still have virtually no libido, my erectile function is far from being fully intact, my emotional life is only a fraction of what it once was. On bad days, I feel like there’s a gaping hole between my ears, or like I’m a walking spinal cord and set of frontal lobes. I’ve spent eight hundred some odd dollars on vitamins and minerals and herbs and amino acids and protein shakes and other nutraceuticals in an attempt to heal the damage.
<br>
<br>
I am slowly healing, though, after all this time, slowly healing. Sometimes I feel like giving up, especially when the lobotomized feeling is most salient, but somehow I manage to continue, in spite of feeling like an inhuman mess much of the time…Yeah, somehow I manage to continue, and I am slowly healing…<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68888</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 12, 2010</td><td>Views: 14,999</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68888&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68888&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Pharms - Risperidone (253) : Not Applicable (38), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Post Trip Problems (8), Sex Discussion (14), Health Problems (27), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ci/">2C-I</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I have a good deal of experience with mind altering substances; I have tried almost every Substance except opiates. I have used LSD, mushrooms and marijuana ecstensivley, and am looking into trying more obscure psychedelics. A friend of mine who sells LSD had recently gotten a large amount of 2CI for a good price, and I had not tried it before.
<br>
<br>
I met up with my friend, CD, at his girlfriend's (BE) house at nine on a Friday night. He had used LSD several times before, but was unsure about trying 2CI. We portioned out the drugs so that CD took 2 hits of LSD and 10mg of 2CI, while I received 1 hit and 20mg. BE was offered, but refused to take part.
<br>
<br>
We dropped at 9:20 PM. Soon after we decided to make a pilgrimage to the video store, while still sober. On the way the first effects of the drugs became apparent. Odd chills, strange thoughts, and the numbness of the nasal cavity, the hallmarks of a good psychedelic. The onset of the 2CI was more rapid than expected. By 9:50 we arrived at the video store and were observably impaired. I was losing control of my voices volume, and slinked carefully away, as my pupils were very dilated.
<br>
<br>
We took alleys and residential streets on the way back. At this point the cars that sped by were complete blurs of primary colours. Crossing the highway was particularly parilous. We walked past a church whose towering cross that dominated the sky. Even as an atheist the sight of the massive cross was enough of a wonder to make me consider conversion.
<br>
<br>
We arrived back at BE's house at 10:15 and quickly retreated to her room. The room was the only room in the basement of the house. It had no windows, and the walls and ceiling were covered in zebra print wallpaper, with eyes scattered around in the stripes. The stripes seemed to come off the walls in various colours and angles, like a confused rainbow. The eyes seemed to shift and stare. The three of us lay on the bed, simply enjoying the room and the comfort of the bed and each other. There are no clocks in the room and no one has a watch, so time is not a factor.
<br>
<br>
A short time after BE receives a text message asking to meet her neighbour in an alley. We met in the alley at an old jeep. In the darkness and confusion of the trip I could not make out the features of the guy we met, but he was stalky and scruffy looking. He and I sat on top of the jeep smoking a glass pipe and conversing, while CD and BE stood below. It became apparent that the neighbour was a 'wake and bake' sort, and had been smoking since elementary school. Having tried LSD himself, he was rather comfortable with the frank conversation that tends to accompany psychedelics. After we smoked two large bowls, CD, BE, and I returned to the Zebra room.
<br>
<br>
Upon returning, truly deep and honest conversations began to apear. At one point BE received a call from her friend, KC, who I had been hanging around in the days and weeks prior to this. Originally she was invited to be tripping with us, but then went to a cabin to the north with her cousins and their friends. We all talked to her via phone, separately and by speaker phone. The only thing that was really discernable was the fact that she was with a large group, and they were all drunk. I wasn’t sure why, but after talking to her it felt as if something was stabbing me from the inside.
<br>
<br>
Deep conversation continued until the early hours of the morning, at which point both BE and CD disappeared, leaving me alone in the zebra room. The room seemed to spin and constrict, like being inside a massive snake. I left all alone with nothing but a shattered sense of reality. I lay down and closed my eyes, and drifted off. Brilliant flashes of light and colour were seen in the darkness. A feeling of hurtling through space was enjoyed, and continued to accelerate to continually greater velocity, which began to feel terrifying. This continued until I fell out of the bed, landing on my face. It was then that, momentarily, I mentally and visually returned to reality. It was then that everything in reality seemed overwhelmingly wrong. So much in life seemed ridiculously trivial and idiotic, even disgusting, including myself. Almost immediately following this revelation, reality dissipated, and the entire world felt as if it was made of fat. A terrible, greasy, ugly mess. The walls seemed to drip with fat; my face had the texture of butter.
<br>
<br>
I met BE and CD coming out of a door that I had not known of, which really freaked me out. We then decided that fresh air would be good for everyone. There was a soccer field next to the house led directly to a 7-11. As we walked across the field the night sky seemed wondrous, the stars more bright and beautiful than anything in the universe. The night air was calm, and the suburbs were quiet. The convenience store was far too much stimulus to take in at once, and was somewhat frightening. It is a miracle that we were able to make it out without incident.
<br>
<br>
After returning to the zebra room, we settled down, turned off the lights, and simply talked in the darkness. We talked of life, family and relationships. Part of the magic of psychedelics is they give me the ability to realize and admit tings I would not otherwise.
<br>
<br>
The main things I took from this experience is a realization of how much I love the people in my life, and how trivial material things, mind games, and social manuvering actually are. Though there is no hangover or psychological damage, this trip has left me with a sense of how empty most people are, and a general melancholy view on the future. It is the painful truths that one discovers in these substances that make it remarkable.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 78970</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 15, 2010</td><td>Views: 5,292</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=78970&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=78970&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 2C-I (172) : Combinations (3), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I had smoked some marijuana in the past, and had heard how LSD was a great trip. I had really wanted to get my hands on some good acid, but with no luck at that age. As a friend had told me once good acid comes to you, but not when your out Looking for it. His theory 3 years later proved true.
<br>
<br>
One of my buddys, lets call him Hippy Stan, were good friends in High School. I was living in Salt Lake City at the time, and was introduced to marijuana. He had told me of acid, and we both wanted to try it. I eventually moved and lost contact with him, until I was 19. I’ll keep this as short as possible, but I wound up homeless. I hitchiked to Salt Lake City for some reason...
<br>
<br>
Before the acid, I had tryed Marijuana, Meth, Weed, Shrooms, DXM, All around the ages of 16-18. One day, I ran into my old friend from High School Hippy Stan! We hung out, I held down a good job and so forth. Life was grand. And I had reached around 6 months of sobriety. Give or take a month or so.
<br>
<br>
One Night after work, I came home and Hippy Stan had welcomed himself into my apartment. Him and his buddy were sitting on my couch, tripping on acid. I was very reluctant and decided I was done with drugs. I was already experiencing some HPPD (permanent trails, static at night) nothing too severe and unbearable though. Was able to hold down a good job and things were great.
<br>
<br>
Later in the night, a couple other friends came over and were really excited that Stan had gotten some acid. I will Call them J and L. Stan was starting to trip fairly heavily and so was his friend. J and L instantly bought some hits from him. I was out on the back porch, trying to avoid the whole thing, when L comes out and offers me acid. At first I felt hell no, I’m done with drugs. She was very persistent and wanted everyone to have a good time. Eventually I gave in and took the hit.
<br>
<br>
I didn’t feel much at for about 1 and a half hours, then it hit hard cause Hippy Stan offered me some chronic. After a few hits, the acid totally overcame me. I was seeing psychedelic colors everywhere. All everyone wanted to do was smoke cigarettes the whole night. We kept going back and forth to the store for Camels. I remember feeling like I had a never ending cigarette, and could puff on the thing for hours without it going down. Not to mention also looking at Hippy Stan and seeing him turn into satan himself.
<br>
<br>
That was the most intense part. I was tripping too hard. I went to my room to try and find some peace. I looked at the ceiling dazzled as neon colored women danced round the room. I never felt too panicky thougout the whole trip, but everything anyone said felt so significant, even if it was just small talk. I came down, felt a little hung over and fryed out the next day, and called in sick from work, headed over to jamba juice and got something good to drink.
<br>
<br>
Over the next few days-weeks though, I started noticing I was having severe mental problems manifest. Something that I had never had a problem with in the past. I hit a deep catatonic depression, dyed my hair out black when usually I’m hippy like, and started having problems with what I can only explain as psychosis. I started boarding myself up in my room and thought constantly of suicide. I eventually was fired from my job, started having severe social anxiety problems which I still deal with, and wound up back home, living with my parents. Eventually I was hospitalized. I felt somewhat angry and bitter but have since let these feelings fade. When I was hospitalized, they transfered me to outpatient mental health at Region 3. I also realised that my HPPD had gotten more severe, permanent trails which I see to this day and this is 3 years after the acid. While talking to a doctor, he says that acid or past drug use may have triggered something latent in my brain.
<br>
<br>
What I’m trying to say is, my brain is permanently fractured. Looking into family history of mental illness, there is bipolar, and depression. I am not anti-drug, but be careful out there. This IS something I will live with for the rest of my life. Would I have become mentally ill if I had not used the acid? I don’t know but I do believe that it could have permanently aggravated what I am living with now. I can say I have dealt with alot of pain due to HPPD and mental illness that may have been triggered by drugs. It may have come out later in life, but drugs I do believe permanetly aggravated it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2005</td><td width="90">ExpID: 69614</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 1, 2011</td><td>Views: 7,568</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=69614&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=69614&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Depression (15), Post Trip Problems (8), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), Health Problems (27), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">300 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/bupropion/">Pharms - Bupropion</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Lithium</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/methylphenidate/">Pharms - Methylphenidate</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Pharms - Lamotrigine </td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">115 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
The summer after my senior year (also the summer going into my freshman year in college) was the perfect time for experimentation. I had a part time job that made a decent amount of money, and considering I was moving to a college fifteen hundred miles away, my parents kept me on a relitively long leash. Two thirds of that summer were filled with pot smoke, as it was something I had been using for almost four years and was comfortable with. Later in the summer, I tried cocaine, ecstacy, opium, and began drinking more than my fair share of alcohol. As far as I was concerned, the only thing I really wanted to experiance and had yet to try was acid, and god help me if I wasn't going to.
<br>
<br>
After several attempts to buy acid, one of my freinds called me and offered to sell me some. My first mistake was not researching this drug. At the time I was taking Concerta, Lithium, Lamictal, and Wellbutrin. Since I had had no negitive effects combining my medication and the drugs I had previously used, I did not bother to do any research, a decision I strongly regret. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I did not bother to do any research, a decision I strongly regret.</div></div> Because of my lack of research, I relied on my friend to tell me how much to take, and that afternoon I bought two hits of acid on blotter paper. I had to go to work that day, but my friend promised me she would call me when I got off work.
<br>
<br>
Around eight o clock, I drove home to change out of my uniform and called my friend, who lost interest in tripping with me in favor of tripping with her boyfriend, but she agreed to meet me at a coffee shop for a while. At eight thirty, I took both hits and drove up to the coffee shop, leaving the hits under my toungue and waited for my friend, who was, par for course, a bit late. I became frusterated at this point, and once again, if I had done research, I would have realised that doing acid in a bad mood is a horrid idea. When my friend did show up, we spent about half an hour or so socializing, and then she asked me to drive her to drop off some more acid and then to her boyfriend’s house.
<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span>
<br>
<br>
The acid had not kicked in (it was about nine thirty) and I became even more frusterated. My friend thought it was amusing that I was going to go home tripping acid. By 9:45, I started seeing smoke out of the corner of my eyes, and pretty soon covering my field of vision. I panicked, thinking my car was on fire, and then came to the only resonable conclusion that I myself was on fire. Shaking, I dropped my friend off and headed back to the coffee shop I had come from, where one of my friends noticed my panicked state and offered to drive me to a park where I could have some quiet.
<br>
<br>
At this point, I heard a pulsing noise that caused everything to skip, as if listening to a scratched cd. This noise blocked out almost every other sound. While in the car I lost track of time as my vision divided into squares as parts of things spun off of each other, turning red and green and disorganized themselves, similar to a cubism painting. Not expecting this, I began to panick more, and when my friend parked his car, I jumped out, screaming at him to make the noise stop. I could not see or hear anything due to the hallucinations I was experiancing. He got scared for me, but pulled me to where I was laying down and tried to get me to relax.
<br>
<br>
At this point I began shaking violently, crying uncontrollably as everything I saw melted together. It wasn’t the visual hallucinations that bothered me at this point, but the overwhelming audio hallucinations. At this point, my friend wanted to call an ambulence, but I begged him not to, not wanting my parents to find out. Right after he agreed, I felt my body become rigid and I began shaking uncontrollably and twitching. Later I was told this was my first out of three siezures that night. My friend grabbed me by the shoulders and told me I was bleeding out of the mouth and insisted on calling an ambulence. I remained on the ground crying with my hands over my ears.
<br>
<br>
The ambulence ride was a blur, I can only remember trying to get the man taking care of me to call people that he didn’t know and becoming frusterated when he said he didn’t know what I was talking about. My friend called my parents, and they rushed to the hospital where I had been taken. The rest of that night is a blur of imagery, seeing holes open in my body and bleed, seeing a tunnel above me and seeing a rapid change in seasons. At one point I was convinced it was February 08. <span class="erowid-note">[Erowid Note: This report was submitted in January of 2007]</span>
<br>
<br>
I had two more siezures and during the second one I had to be recessitated, I had flatlined. After an eighteen hour trip, I was sleeping somewhat peacefully in a bright hospital room. I have no memory of that morning, although my mom said I told my rabbi about what had happened. The doctor that came in (a friend of the family that happened to work at that hospital) told me that the LSD combined with the wellbutrin had caused my siezures, and told me I was not to drive for six months.
<br>
<br>
Apart from a massive loss of freedom I am still trying to gain back, I lost my parents trust, and have physical traces of my experiance as well. I experiance flashbacks from time to time, especially when I mix alcohol and marijuanna (once I could not see or hear anything, very similar to my acid experiance, the flashback lasted for about ten minutes) I wish I had done at least a little research so I had known about what to expect, deadly combinations, and what dose to take.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 60351</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 1, 2011</td><td>Views: 5,390</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=60351&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=60351&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Pharms - Bupropion (87) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Health Problems (27), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">250 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I think that my experiences with LSD are best related in context. I derived great benefits from the use of it over time. I don’t think that I could relay the impact in a single anecdote, so I intend to present context in the form of short biographical segments that I hope will highlight the changes that I believe that these experiences facilitated in me.
<br>
<br>
Before I did acid for the first time, I was an intelligent, ignorant, redneck high school dropout. I had been sexually abused as a child by an elderly babysitter when I was a toddler and again by two different sets of neighbors from the ages of 12-14. Needless to say, I wasn’t capable at that time of leading a psychologically healthy life alone, much less in groups. I did have a persona that allowed barging through my life, completely unaware of the effects that I had on others. This led to me leaving a large wake of resentment behind me as I moved from group to group. My first LSD experience was horrible at the time. It ripped me out of my habitual self and presented me with a vast and terrible view of an abyss between me and everyone else. This was the first time that I had ever doubted myself, and man when you get into that sort of thing while under the influence of a powerful psychoactive, it really has profound affects. I suddenly became lonely and afraid. At first, I think that I maintained my old persona pretty well, but after a repeat experience and more epic revelation of my seemingly pitiful nature, it collapsed.
<br>
<br>
I became depressed. I got kicked out of art school and moved back home. I began a series of bizarre excursions into the darkest parts of me with the help of THC, which I will not relate here. From 1991 until 1995 that is where I remained.
<br>
<br>
During the summer-winter of 1995 I fell into a group of folks with access to a large amount of LSD in a liquid solution. It was very potent and, for my purposes, an unlimited number of doses. During this time my life consisted of nearly bi-weekly “tripping”, music, reading and self-examination. Most of my LSD experiences involved small groups of friends numbering less than 5. Occasionally there would be parties with groups upwards of 50 people, all on some form of mind altering substance. During many other of my experiences I was entirely alone. The group experiences invariably became twisted somehow by the obliteration of social filters that otherwise allowed people to get along with folks that they didn’t like very much. These times were especially challenging for me in that it brought the full power of the psychedelic experience and group condemnation to bear on me and my current situation. This tended to reinforce my belief that I was a failure as a person.
<br>
<br>
The solo trips were mostly full of introspection, music, and self-experimentation with my brain as a perceptual device. During these, I experienced everything from reality splitting into 8 separate component universes, vividly monochromatic with each one contributing some aspect of reality, the blue calculation component, the green self-organization component, and watching my brain attempt to assemble a meaningful image from this vision, to feeling like the creator of the universe. I remember telling one of my acquaintances (whose couch I had been sleeping on for nearly a year, rent free) that I felt like god, that we were all god and that all was love. He responded with, “what the fuck are you talking about? Look at you, you can’t even get a job and you are telling me that you are God! You’re not any better than the rest of us.”
<br>
<br>
That was one of the key moments in my process of living:
<br>
I felt bad for him. He didn’t understand! He had trapped himself in an ugly world where his fear and hate were the shackles that bound him. I realized that I could do nothing, could say nothing that would show him this. If he were to live in a beautiful world, he would have to build it himself so that he could understand that HE was the architect and only then would he be able to hear me. At the same moment I clearly saw the trap that I had lived in for so long. This time I had elevated perception and I could see a way out.
<br>
<br>
In my personal experiences, LSD fostered a mind-state in which I was a psychologist, sociologist, anthropologist, neurobiologist, linguist and artist all focused in on creating a meaningful interpretation of myself as an entity. I gradually internalized the idea that the reality that I habituated was an approximation at best, formed by my nervous system, which had been shaped by my genetics and individual experiences, operating in concert with many other people with their own approximation or this vast and infinite universe. In short, I learned that my perceptions were my reality.
<br>
<br>
Years later, I am happily married with a six month old daughter. I see in her growth the developing processes by which our world is created. I can see her forming memories and developing pattern recognition. She learns so quickly now that I can sense changes in her hourly. It is amazing. But I know that in a few years, her basic approach to the world will be largely crystallized and she will have a habitual set of perceptions. It is our intent that part of that structure includes a capacity for critical thinking and a deep sense that the world is as good as you make it. This crystalline state is inside of us. It is the skeleton of our persona. Sometimes it sets into a beautiful form, which fosters the development of rational, thoughtful living, but in my case it had formed an awkward jumble of half complete ideologies and fear.
<br>
<br>
I believe that my LSD experiences began to soften those perceptions. It allowed me to consciously participate in the reformation of my perceptual complex. It didn’t dissolve completely. I still have to remind myself of the lessons learned, but the older I get, the more it becomes automatic for me to smile and think rather than attack and run. It wasn’t an instant global change, and the intervening years were fraught with many relapses into my personal traps, but the core knowledge that I gained from the experiences always remains, gently reminding me that I don’t have to suffer unless I want to.
<br>
<br>
Finally I feel the need to state clearly that despite my positive experiences I don’t think that this drug should be freely available for anyone to use. I do believe it to be a valuable if neglected tool for gaining self knowledge and for helping heal non organic mental damage, but I have seen too many “acid causalities” in my life for me to think it harmless. I was lucky. For some reason, I had the ability to use it for growth. When it got so intense that I began to loose myself, I could always remember that I was under the influence of a drug and pull myself back from the brink. Have no doubt that the brink is real and if you go over the edge you might be able to come back in any meaningful way.
<br>
<br>
I recommend that until it becomes legal and can be administered by a trained professional, DO NOT DO LSD
<br>
But I know some will do it anyway...
<br>
When in doubt, remember this:
<br>
Never dose in response to any external pressure.
<br>
Always have a plan.
<br>
Always inform a trusted friend and have them be able to assist you if needed.
<br>
Create a safe place where you can retreat if you get freaked out.
<br>
Have many gadgets on hand to occupy your self. I never dosed without a laser pointer, a Rubik’s cube and several wind up clocks to take apart.
<br>
If you are an artist, have your medium readily accessible. Be it watercolors or drums, you will amazed what a little creative expression can do to reverse a bad trip.
<br>
Every one should have a sketch book and a voice recorder. You will find no end of insight into yourself contained in the scribbles and rants.
<br>
<br>
Finally and most difficult,:
<br>
Know what you are putting into your body. Know the dosage. Know the preparation method. Know that you can trust your source. Know everything.
<br>
If you don’t know any of this, DON’T DO IT! You have no idea what you are getting into. I trusted some to give me “opium tincture”. Instead I got Dramamine, Opium and PCP! I am lucky that I didn’t die or hurt someone since I was completely unable to control my actions, yet was full aware of what was happening.
<br>
<br>
If you don't know any of these, DO NOT DO LSD!
<br>
<br>
be careful
<br>
<br>
[Reported Dose: 'High']<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1995</td><td width="90">ExpID: 66600</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 25, 2011</td><td>Views: 6,307</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=66600&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=66600&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Various (28), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Depression (15), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/4_acetoxy_dmt/">4-AcO-DMT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I took the tab yesterday afternoon, and chased it a few hours later with 20mgs of 4-aco-dmt. It was by far the most incredible psychedelic experience I've had, and I know I found exactly what I've been searching for in LSD.
<br>
<br>
The clarity of mind, and completely positive emotions gave me the best self image I've ever had. It allowed me to reflect on a lot of things in my life that would otherwise have been bringing me down, and draw meaningful information about myself. My music seemed to help a lot in this. I found a lot of new music on my own ipod, and it made me feel amazing. No other drug can compare to it. I attatched a song i found last night to this message.
<br>
<br>
I was having amazing halucinations too, unlike anything I've ever seen and like everything I've ever wanted to experience. Everything I saw had an amazing relation to myself. I would look in the mirror and see a huge colorful weed leaf on the wall, or any number of other amazing images. we spent the night in my backyard (which is amazing). The purple and pink flowers seemed to reflect on to all other plants, lighting up the yard in an amazing array of colors. The pool was spectacular. The bark on the trees was breathing and wiggling on the trees, the grass and flowers were waving and breathing, and the leaves on the trees looked like bell flowers that had mouthes and were breathing the air. The sky, the stars, the sunset, everything was completely perfect. Also, being at home was great because I was so comfortable, I felt... right at home!
<br>
<br>
I was drinking all night too, and had no problem with that. Also i amoked about a half ounce of my weed, i think i was holding my bong all night. It was great spending time with my girl, and i really got to reflect on my friendships wile everyone was over having a good time. Sometimes not so positively, but i think its amazing how acid can re-veil how you really feel about people.
<br>
<br>
Needless to say, it was perfect. I've convinced all my buddies to give it a try (one already has), so were going to go up to my cottage and do a couple tabs, which I have no doubt will be an incredible experience.
<br>
<br>
I played a lot of COD with my friends on Xbox Live wile i was trippen (which was forever), and it was incredible. Usually games like that feel so 2d to me, like theres almost no realism. I was playing, and it was as if I was in the game. I could feel the environment, every bit of the screen. It was a level of depth ive never felt before, plus I my mind was enhancing the visuals like crazy.
<br>
<br>
I was never overwhelmed, and suggest this combination to anyone who thinks they are capable of it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 86440</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 24, 2011</td><td>Views: 11,855</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=86440&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=86440&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 4-AcO-DMT (387) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 capsls</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:25</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">159 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Wow. Well where to start off, this is about 3 days after my experience. All I have to say about every time I think about it is wow.
<br>
<br>
<br>
Anyway it all started when I decided I wanted the Psychedelic experience of a lifetime, and oh man did I get it. Now this is probably not reccomended but I did this with my sitter passed out on the couch at around 4 in the morning (we were watching the history channel). Earlier that day we each took 150mg molly so we both rolled pretty hard and crashed, I decided that I didn't want to go to bed yet and I wanted to experiment with my favorite three mind viewing drugs ^.^
<br>
<br>
(4:00) LSD ingested.. will wait 30 min before ingesting molly
<br>
<br>
(4:30) Acid is kicking in a little big I think, take 2 caps of my friend molly and wait for the peak. Normally this experience is amazing without piling on any other drugs but DMT sounded like a very interesting combination tonight.
<br>
<br>
(5:00) I am deffinatly tripping nuts just waiting for mdma to kick in now, should be any second. I enjoy watching TV but for some reason still pictures entertain me more than moving ones.
<br>
<br>
(5:20) Ahhh here we go up, uP, UP, UPUPUPUPUP and we have lift off. Candy flipping at its best! Wow what could make this any better, oh I know how about my good friend dimethyltryptamine.
<br>
<br>
(5:25) Load up 50mg of dmt into lightbulb vaporizor. Slowly light the bottom until dmt melts away and smoke is released, take about 3 huge tokes to start experiencing 'the void'
<br>
<br>
(~5:30 time is lost) Last thing I remember is taking that last huge toke, now where the fuck am I. Where is the TV, couch and my passed out buddy.. This isn't funny anymore seriously where am I, and then I realize that I am the universe. I see a being that's not really a person but more an aura of light except it isn't light it looks like an object that I would never be able to draw or explain to anyone in this world because I have died and been reborn in the 4th dimension. I have no idea how I deducted that I'm in the 4th dimension other than the fact that basic forces that apply in our 3d world don't apply to the place I was. There was no gravity, there was no electricity, light or verbal communication.
<br>
<br>
I could feel the presence of this aura but it was more than that, I could communicate with it just by thinking. I tried telling it my name, and it replied by saying that in the 4th dimension, people don't have names, in fact there's no such thing as people, just spirits. Every spirit knows every other spirit by feeling its presense. We started communicated and I shared where I had come from and that I didn't really know where I was or how to get back but this aura being thing seemed to know everything that I had tried explaining to it.
<br>
<br>
I honestly have no idea how long this experience lasted for, but I 'fully' woke up aka 'regained conciousness' at 2pm the next day still tripping. I've never slept on acid before, but then again I don't think I was sleeping it was more like my soul took my mind for a trip through the 4th dimension. The thought that I woke up with is that the world is going to end in 2012. I did a little research on this and I guess that the magnetic poles of the earth are probably going to switch in 2012 leaving us vulnurable to cosmic radiation which may or may not exterminate all life on earth. Also the magnetic poles switching would have an effect on the super volcanos in yosemite national park and in other parts of the world causing them to erupt. Which would be bad. I guess all humans are probably close to their last Psychedelic trip if this actually happens.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 76287</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 25, 2010</td><td>Views: 15,889</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=76287&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=76287&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">DMT (18), LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Mystical Experiences (9), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ci/">2C-I</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">15 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ce/">2C-E</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
0:00 I and a friend who I'll refer to as P begin by placing our tabs on our tongues, about 2 hours go by and I feel a slight euphoria, but no real distinguishable effects. I have a feeling it was some very weak acid.<br>
<br>
2:00 P and I decide to split a bottle of water which has 30 mg 2c-e and 10 mg 2c-i mixed together in it, we divide the liquid as equally as possible and cheers each other and then chug our drinks. Instantly after drinking this everything is off, I cant put my finger on it, but I felt very strange. A surge of energy was buzzing inside me, while at the same time I felt drained and lethargic, I layed down in my bed for about 15 minutes in a state of paranoia and fear, scared of what I might have done to myself. (Let me explain the fact that I have never tripped on any substance besides Psilocybin a handful of times.)<br>
<br>
3:00 P throws out the option to go for a walk, reluctantly I agree. At first I was still overwhelmed by all of my mixed emotions, and bizarre thinking patterns, but as we began walking the sights were so amazing it was calming, The thing I remember most was a large tree that as we walked by turned into a sea anemone flowing in the ocean currents as I by it. I had a sweater on while walking, and for a moment my body felt as big as my body looked in my peripherals (i.e. my body was the size it was with my jacket, or I forgot I had a jacket on.) then I moved my arms and I felt them go inside my body, until I noticed that I had a jacket on and what had really happened. <br>
<br>
4:00 Music has been extremely overwhelming and intense, playing with my emotions in ways I've never thought possible. <br>
<br>
8:00 sun is rising and I've noticed I lost track of time, the past few hours have been extremely enjoyable, I feel as though I'm rolling, but with much more too it (obviously)<br>
<br>
unknown time: at one point in my trip my hand was changing age as though it was my hand from the future, the hand of a more mature me, I even compared it to my other hand and it was bigger/ more matured/ and more worn.<br>
<br>
unknown time: I would be holding a part of my body, i.e. my chin and all of the sudden it would expand and feel much larger than it was, I had to check in the mirror a couple of times to make sure.<br>
<br>
17:00 P has to leave, We have come down a lot, lingering effects are barely noticeable at this moment, so I drive him down the road to his girlfriends. <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> We walk past my dad while leaving and a horrible vibe goes through me, I was scared to go back home so I drove to the beach. while driving I would see people on the side walk popping in and out of my vision, at this moment I realized how dangerous it was for me to be driving, feeling as if I have no choice I continue, when I arrive, I remember my headphones were in my car and I decided that they had been waiting here this entire time just for this very moment, I put on my iphone and listen to music while walking down the beach to a secluded area. down the beach line at the distance where you would start to see mirages, people were again popping in and out of existence, I saw a beautiful woman off in the distance, but as I looked closer it was just some old guy in a speedo. lol. I layed down in the sand to relax and enjoy my music. I decided to put my shoe under my head as a pillow and look up at the sky. some of my favorite music is playing, and for a moment I am in pure euphoria, greater euphoria than I've ever felt on mdma. As I stared at the sky, I forgot where I was and I felt as though I was floating in this empty space that extended for infinity, I was floating in this vast blueness with hazes of white that were clouds. the wind blew from around me. this moment was pure bliss, so incredibly comforting. As I came back to reality I was still in a state of euphoria.<br>
<br>
20:00 I begin to drive home from the beach, as I am very hungry and very tired. ( I havent eaten since -4:00 [full 24 hours] ) <br>
<br>
20:20 when I get home I layed around in bed for a while and tried to sleep, my mind was so full of thoughts and energy that I couldnt even think of sleeping, laying in bed in the silence made time freeze, and made me feel as though I'd never stop tripping. I tried listening to some music, and it was stressful to my brain, it felt as though it was causing too much activity while my brain was so drained from the lack of sleep and the experience of the drugs themselves. <br>
<br>
21:00 still a bit trippy, I fall asleep around this time<br>
<br>
23:00 I wake up, completely sober.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 95013</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 8, 2012</td><td>Views: 3,673</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=95013&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=95013&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">2C-E (137), 2C-I (172), LSD (2) : Alone (16), First Times (2)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I'd come back from university for the weekend to attend my sisters christening. I'd had a hard weekend having an exciting time with friends, some ket, coke, and a couple of pills over the two previous days.
<br>
<br>
On the Sunday morning of the christening myself and my friend (D) decided an exciting plan of action would be to take a trip (LSD) and go to the church. We hadn't had any acid for a while and were busting to get our trips on our tongues, so we drove to my parents house in the country which was a mile or so from the church. We decided that only half a trip was the best plan as I couldn't afford to completely loose the plot in front of my parents and their friends. We took the trip at 13.00hrs at the house, then we nipped out for a spliff. When we returned to the house we were pretty stoned, but these days we normally are so handling my parents was no problem. As we sat waiting for guests and relatives to arrive so we could all walk to the church, the acid started to kick in.
<br>
<br>
(t+45min) Things became very funny and me and D couldn't even look at each other without laughing. As usual the music we were listening to became to manic and we were forced to change it so we would calm down! Soon the guests arrived and we walked to the church. By this time (t+1:30) everything visually had assumed a kind of cartoon form. There were waves of motion on everything I looked at. When we entered the church I could barely stop laughing, the gargoyles were not even vaguely scary as I had worried they would be, but like odd little animals. We sat down, (at the back out the way) through out the service. The vicker was some kind of ridiculous caberait fool, though when he spoke the words rang and danced around the church. Occasionally the place became very ominous. He spoke of surrendering to god and christ being our savior. I was both skeptical and scared.
<br>
<br>
Feeling relieved we left the church, (t+3.00) still tripping madly. We returned to my parents house and joined in the celebrations. There were about 30 of my parents friends and 5 or so relatives, all of whom wanted to talk to me about university and my future. This I found very difficult as my brain was fairly scrambled. Soon we were paranoid about being caught but whet upstairs to calm down. We told ourselves that they had no idea we were tripping as there are no obvious physical signs and we sure as hell hadn't told any of them. D left to go home and I continued to talk to my parents and their friends. I found this extremely exciting and rewarding. I feel that a few of the people there may think I'm a little strange. It's extremely hard to order my thoughts correctly when tripping.
<br>
<br>
(t+6.00) I had a crack at using the internet but couldn't hack it. All the icons that are normally the same size kept moving around and changing size! I decided to go for a spliff with another friend I gave him a call and left the party, it was November 4th and the fireworks that were going off were fantastic.
<br>
<br>
(t+8.00) I returned home to a dilapidated party. I sat down and pretended to read a book while I really couldn't take my eyes of the paisley style carpet which was a puddle of colour and movement. The shapes and patterns moved in sync with the chemical brothers I was listening to. After a couple of hours I went up to bed. I was exhausted due to practically no sleep all weekend, though only fell asleep at t+13hrs-ish.
<br>
<br>
This was truly one of the most exciting days of my life. Taking a small quantity of LSD in a more exciting situation is easily as much fun as a large dose in a safer controlled environment! I realize that I put a great deal at risk taking acid in such an unpredictable situation, but now I am sure that my grasp of how it can alter your mind and how you can control and direct both the visuals and the thoughts will leave me in good stead for future trips.
<br>
<br>
Remenber folks...they don't know you're tripping until you tell them!! :-&gt; What an oddness.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2001</td><td width="90">ExpID: 10425</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 4, 2012</td><td>Views: 3,376</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=10425&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=10425&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Group Ceremony (21)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">7 glasses</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">6 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Unknown</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 25:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/lorazepam/">Pharms - Lorazepam</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I was sold 6 hits of what was supposed to be LSD (white on white blotter). I went home and started drinking with some friends, and after about 7 drinks I decided I wanted to take the acid I bought. As a note, I am a VERY experienced tripper, having tripped on many RC's, LSD, Mushrooms, and Mescaline. I have also done LSD many times while drinking, and each time has been enjoyable. This time would be different.
<br>
<br>
12:00am - I dropped all 6 hits of the blotter.
<br>
1:00am - The alcohol seemed to be getting stronger (I have a high tolerance, and I had stopped drinking by midnight. This was the first sign that something wasn't right)
<br>
2:00am - I completely blacked out
<br>
8:00am - I came to experiencing intense visuals, a body load similar to, but stronger than 2c-x drugs
<br>
12:00pm - I was still peaking, the visuals were oddly colorful. They seemed to be part of another dimension, and did not directly interact with the real world.
<br>
4:00pm - I had come down enough to function, but there were weak visuals and a strong speedy sensation
<br>
10:00pm - Visuals were still present, the body load became miserable. Sleep was impossible.
<br>
12:00am - I couldn't believe it was still going.
<br>
1:00am - I took a few Ativan, and finally was able to get to sleep. I had strange dreams throughout the night, and woke up early.
<br>
<br>
The trip was entirely not fun, and lasted over 24 hours. I later learned from my friends that from 2:00am until I came to, I had become violent and agitated. This came as a surprise to me, since at first I thought I took Acid. After reading PiHKAL (and various reports on Erowid), I determined the substance in question was a DOx - more than likely DOB. This trip destroyed my love of psychedelic chemicals, and I can't help but wonder what could motivate someone to pass off a chemical like DOB as LSD.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 87388</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Sep 29, 2010</td><td>Views: 15,254</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=87388&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=87388&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">DOB (19), LSD (2), Unknown (120) : Combinations (3), Overdose (29), What Was in That? (26), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Vitamins / Supplements</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Vitamin C</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 shots</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Hard</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ci/">2C-I</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
7:30pm: 5 hits acid, 3 liquid, 2 paper, multivitamins. I pace around my room sniffing at a tube of Vicks inhaler. It feels really good, and clears up my entire head.
<br>
<br>
7:45pm: took 2 more paper hits, and consider going to an oxygen bar.
<br>
<br>
9:45pm: I return from the local mall where the oxygen bar was closed. Skateboarding, however, was great. As I bombed a few hills, my peripheral vision would disappear and change into what I compared – at the time – to yellow and red cracks within an icecube. I stop a store on the way back for incense, peppermint oil, and vitamin c. I got lost trying to find my way back, and end up skating up and down empty streets until I find the main road again. I stop at a sidetrail to take some of my vitamin C, which a friend claimed increases visuals. Upon my return I encounter my friend L. We skate to the top of campus. L acts as a guide for the next several hours of the trip. We skate down the hill. The wind feels good, so I kneel down and hold my arms out to either side.
<br>
<br>
Returning to the dorms, we go to buy pot. I meet two women that L knows. I’m wearing laser light show glasses that create a rainbow of color in every direction around any source of light.
<br>
<br>
S: “Are you on drugs?”
<br>
Me: “Do I look like the kind of person that would take drugs?”
<br>
S: “Yes. Do I?”
<br>
Me: “…..no?”
<br>
S: Well, you’re wrong. I am.”
<br>
<br>
We laugh. There was an initial tension in the air until I introduced myself, and it immediately clears up. We leave them and I buy an eighth. We smoke a bowl. The people in the room make snide asides about me tripping, and L defends me. I’m mostly quiet.
<br>
<br>
10:30pm: Marijuana, 2 shots Watermelon Vodka. L leaves, and says to call if I start freaking out or want to match on another bowl. I put a blacklight up in the corner of the room, and turn a strobe light on the other side. This creates an interesting lighting situation in the room, with everything white particularly bright, and the strobe light having the effect of slowing down time and motion. I listen to Pink Floyd's Meddle. This is common for me when I'm not under the influence of drugs, but I believe its still worthy of mention.
<br>
<br>
Closing my eyes, I imagine the music as a tight ball of energy with an inner glowing core which pulses to the beat. As this happens, flowing streams of light surround the surface and move to the flow of the individual intruments. When the song is completed, the patterns solidify and attatch to the surface, and the next song continues in this way until the album finishes. Often, what I can only describe as a 'flattening effect' occurs, and the image appears in my mind almost as though a map of a planet. However - this is unlike what I describe later in the trip, which was a random open-eye visual taking place amongst many others.
<br>
<br>
12:30am: More marijuana, 1 hit on cube, 2 paper.
<br>
<br>
1:00am: My roommate returns from studying we have a conversation about chemistry, batteries, and the mind. We talk about how the universe is made of mostly space. I take 10mg 2ci and make easy mac, which I put beef top ramen mix into at my roommate’s suggestion.
<br>
<br>
2:00am: I go outside and meditate while smoking cigarettes and hitting my new pipe. I go to a bench surrounded by trees, and drink Snapple as I smoke some of the best blueberry I’ve seen. The flavor of the Snapple is Mango Madness, and this amuses me. I’m nauseous. I move further down campus, and sit underneath a willow tree to smoke again. The branches hanging about me bounce and sway, and lights in the distance begin to explode if I look at them with my glasses off, an effect which I compare to pictures I’ve seen of nebulae and supernovas. I hear coughing from a nearby dorm, and I get up to walk to a hedge across from an engineering building. I meditate on a spot in front of me, watching the freshly green leaves of the tree meld together and begin forming yellow and red rhombic patterns to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and Shpongle’s Tales of the Inexpressible.
<br>
<br>
Closing my eyes provides me with spinning patterns of all colors. They mostly look like pipelines and spirals, or different arrays of colored dots. I imagine a teapot, and create a method to visualize its movement through space, and the changes it undergoes while traveling through time. It rapidly turns into an orange, a naked woman, musical notes, and random abstract shapes. I open my eyes. Some cars drive past. A few people walk by, and a car sits at the end of the road for what seems like hours. The bikes at the bikerack look odd, and very old. Their metal frames begin twisting into strange shapes. One of them is red, and this stands out in the darkness. I get up to return, and take notice that the grass in front of me has disappeared and it appears I’m walking on a field of marijuana leaves. I pick one up, and it turns into a rose, which I perceive to be breathing. I see 7 shadows surrounding my own, 4 to my left, and 3 to my right, but write this off as mere paranoia.
<br>
<br>
~:4:00am: I return to the dorm, and am immediately struck by the fact that my entire field of vision has gone hazy, and everything is divided into rhombic shapes. I blink several times, and my vision returns to normal. I spend nearly half an hour looking for my eyedrops, which I don’t find. My mp3 player backlight provides a curious illumination to the typical yellow of the room, though. I give up, and sit on the couch to listen to Ween’s The Mollusk, Shpongle’s Nothing Lasts, and Lotus’ The Strength of Weak Ties, RJD2’s Deadringer, Bob Dylan’s Blonde on Blonde, and randomly selected Phish tracks. If I don’t wear my glasses, lights and objects take on a peculiar brightness and begin melding together. I accidentally kick my blacklight down from its position, breaking it and having to replace it with an inferior.
<br>
<br>
Giving up my search, I move back to the couch, and put an icepack under my back – for sensory effect. When I concentrate on my blacklight it begins to look like a planet, with weather patterns swirling around it, covering the buildings which have sprouted from its surface. If I focus on the room being lit up by this black-painted light, it flashes from purple to green and blue, and the blobs of color that are objects around the room begin to look like black clouds floating across my vision. The light begins to look like a living cell under a microscope. I look at the frame of my bed, and its underside swirls and changes to from light blue to dark.
<br>
<br>
This trip, to say the very least, was amazing. Many ideas running through my head for the past year have taken hold, and my beliefs and attitude concerning the world have been realigned to what I believe to be a more truthful perspective. I understand a lot of things about the people I know and the places I’ve been after careful reflection, which, I’ve found, can be particularly difficult for me while on lsd as I tend to exist primarily 'in the moment,' with my attention honing in on several things at a time. This was my 21st trip, and, like all of the others, I considered the duration and occasional bouts of paranoia to be entirely worth it.
<br>
<br>
A side note on Vitamin C – it appears to provide merely a placebo effect. I don’t necessarily believe that it causes someone to “peak,” as my acquaintance so aptly put it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 65284</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 22, 2010</td><td>Views: 6,290</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=65284&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=65284&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">2C-I (172), LSD (2) : General (1), Combinations (3), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 drops</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">75 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
The LSD started to kick-in when my experienced psychedelic friend, I and another pal took a taxi ride outside of the party district of the city to a greener area. There were trees, benches and less traffic. As we took a seat a yellow wall became exceptionally bright, electricity pile-ons over head buzzed intensely and it began to rain. The trip began, one of us wanted to head home out of the rain, I suggest 'we just get wet' it gave a wonderful bonding moment between our group as we then watched the rain fall on us and we set off to explore some of the surrounding park. Heading, later back to my friends apartment, when I split from the group and headed in to the night alone...
<br>
<br>
I stood in the damp dark street lit by traffic lights, still hearing an intense buzzing of electricity passing over head. I stared down the street and could see forever. A cross roads, then the end of a block, another street entrance and buildings. The night time darkness and traffic lights. The emptiness of the cross-roads, illuminated red, orange and green. The constant repetition of eternity through me and beyond, liberating me from myself. From the darkness an elderly early morning jogger came past. As he moved along the pavement I watched his motion, he came and went, blurring into the landscape. From eternity, past me, and back into oblivion. Another morning jogger came past, still in darkness.
<br>
<br>
As the day began to break, I lay in front of a large blue mural. I closed my eyes and disappeared. Fractals and spirals, whirring into and out from the infinite loop of mind. A glimpse from an open eye revealed myself passing into the earth. As I woke I gathered some belongings which were decaying and irrelevant. Later I lost my phone, it wasn't 'my' phone, just I couldn't comprehend the need for it. Looking up there stood a blue mural it was depicting a journey. The movement of man through time, from ape-like being to modern creature. It dawned on me (it was the right time of day) we're at a point where we can explore ourselves. Yet, our ignorant pursuit of material possessions puts us on the edge of destroying a physical world we need in which to develop far enough before we can escape. Didn't Einstein say, if we could use enough of our brain we'd be pure energy, and isn't the life force wrapped in our hearts according to the Buddhist mind-body complex not a drop of pure energy? Perhaps we'd not need brains if we continue on our evolutionary path, we'd all be clouds of pure buzzing energy. We'll get there. Together.
<br>
<br>
I moved from the mural onto a subway platform vivid evolutionary processes appeared around the train station. People with ape faces moved from corner to corner, there was an ape dressed ready for hiking a mountain. An ape ready to go to market and an ape, I found particularly funny, dressed in a suit ready for the office. Didn't he know it was Sunday? Amused by his drive, ambition, pursuit. I took to trying to communicate with one of the them. I found she spoke Chinese, and taught me how to count. This is a revelation beyond words, a talking ape. Never had I seen such a thing. So astounded by her ability to talk, I tried prodding the ape in the suit to see if he could talk. Turns out he was quite adept with his hands, clocking me on the side of the head. I tried some ape speak at him, and was on my way.
<br>
<br>
Morning had arrived. Fresher than any morning I'd felt before. New, vital. I felt intensely alive, like it was my first morning. I was seeing droplets of water held steady in the atmosphere and through them. The wind rushed over me, it was cleansing and crisp. I felt as though the air was passing through me taking me off the platform with it into a blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds.
<br>
<br>
I boarded a train at 7.30am. Each journey between stations was a construction and deconstruction of another universe. The rhythmic humming of the train bringing a symphony, building the universe in all it's interconnected perfection. Until, the train slowed, pulled into the station - I panicked and lost sense of the beauty, the dire bottomless abyss swamping up over me as more Apes boarded the train ready to hike again and again and again and again. Then the train set off, a symphony and relaese of euphoria travelled through the carriages all was perfect.
<br>
<br>
As the journeys took their toll I became increasingly distressed and placenta looking vomitus erupted from my gut. My senses were tingling, beyond usual reception. A collection of early risers in an enclosed space is pungent.
<br>
<br>
Asian public etiquette was obliterated as I threw-up in one of the carriages. Apologising to a near-by elderly couple, they didn't appreciate the gesture grimaced and moved away. A moment of satisfaction and release swam over me, knowing their silly little rules had been blown apart... and, guess what, humans vomit! Who knew?
<br>
Managing to escape the coin/gates/slots/rat-run riddle and non-sense an intra-city transit system provides, I returned to my friends apartment. I took a shower and used his toilet. It was the most fascinating experience. A 26 year old man, using all vitals for the first time, and feeling fresh hot water having never before done so. I stood naked in front of a mirror and appreciated what this planet offers us as means of a vehicle. Then I lay on his sofa, fresh as the day - reborn. New. We cleaned the apartment, I impersonating Michael Jackson for the most part.
<br>
<br>
It was an utterly euphoric, eternally delightful, terrifyingly real apparition.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 89309</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 26</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 8, 2012</td><td>Views: 3,570</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=89309&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=89309&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Glowing Experiences (4), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">180 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This happened when I was living in the dorms at Cal State Long Beach in the mid-80s. My friend Dave (not his real name) got some tickets to see Jane Siberry at the Wiltern theater in downtown L.A., and I had four hits of some pretty decent blotter acid. We went downtown pretty early, dropped the hits so that we would be coming on when the show started. Needless to say the show was excellent. Afterwards we walked around downtown (!) to come down a bit. We wandered into the courtyard of the Ahmonson Financial Plaza and began swinging from trees. A kindly old security guard came out, and we thought he was going to make us leave but instead we ended up talking to him for a couple hours, he was really cool. He had lots of great stories to tell.<br>
<br>
By that point I had come down enough to feel okay about driving, so we headed back to Long Beach. On the way home, we dropped the remaining two tabs of blotter acid. <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> Back at the dorms, we were hanging out in the lounge watching some weird 1968 vampire movie and lighting Cremora packets (sprinkle Cremora over an open flame and you get a pillar of fire 'Mr. Magico' style. Please do not attempt this, it's quite hazardous). After a couple of those, the dorm fire alarm went off. We ran out of the building into an adjacent field, where we started talking about earthquakes (there had been a few the previous week). Dave began to sing 'gonna let it happen, let it happen', and we started dancing around. The second dose started to kick in, and that's when things changed for me.<br>
<br>
As I looked around, the rocks on the ground became children's skulls, the clouds were sinister skull-faces, and the trees were all evil and gnarled like those ones in old Disney movies, but more sinister. I began to have the sensation that the ground wanted to swallow me up. I notified Dave of this development, much to his dismay. At that moment I had the strangest sensation: I felt like the thumb of Death was stroking me from my sternum down my belly, kind of playing with me. I seriously believed I was about to be swallowed up by the earth. I needed to get back to some pavement, and quickly. As we walked back to the street, Dave was kind enough to point out how the muddy tire tracks resembled rib cages and spinal cords. I have never been so glad to see asphalt.<br>
<br>
I hung out with Dave for the rest of the night, and finally felt okay when the sun came up and transformed the curtains into gently pulsating translucent rainbow sheets. Later that day I was telling my story to a couple of gals in my building, and one of them remarked that the field was actually a Native American burial site. I know that death imagery is a common theme for LSD hallucinations, but it never really bothered me until that night. Dancing skeletons with uncle sam hats is one thing, but getting swallowed into the ground? After that, each time I passed the field, tripping or not, it always filled my heart with trepidation. The following year the state of California paved the field and turned it into a parking lot. I never parked my car in that lot.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1987</td><td width="90">ExpID: 13251</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 9, 2010</td><td>Views: 5,587</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=13251&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=13251&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Bad Trips (6)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cacti/">Cacti - columnar</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(tea)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms - P. cubensis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(dried)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">78 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
<em>This was written a couple of days after the experience. It is now over a year since this experience and I still think about it every single day. I will never forget it and it remains one of the most incredible things that I have ever experienced.</em>
<br>
<br>
Before I really start writing I will say that it is currently 2 days after my trip and I still do not feel 100% normal. I have never had a 'bad trip' before and in my opinion I still do not believe that my trip ended out 100% bad. Sure, it was the most I've ever freaked out and panicked but deep down I could see it happening I'm pretty sure. It needed to happen, and in time ill be glad it happened.
<br>
<br>
Well the biggest weekend of my life started early Friday morning with little sleep the night before. I was planning to go to a festival with a friend, obviously bringing drugs with us. (Never again.) As the whole day drags on while we get stuff ready, we are finally ready to leave at about 5:30pm. The festival is a fair drive away, maybe 2 hoursish. Off we go...
<br>
<br>
I have heard a lot about these festivals and how they are very underground, in the middle of nowhere &amp; rarely have any police around. As we were almost getting to the site of the festival we were stopped by a whole bunch of police doing breathalyzer &amp; drug tests. Once we got past them we were pretty relieved; we thought that this was going to be it. Fuck we thought wrong. After about another 1km or so down the road, we see another big road block of police. My friends mum immediately gave consent to search the car. <strong>Fuck.</strong>
<br>
<br>
Well, all our drugs got taken. We got arrested, taken to the station, interviewed and let go. I have a bullshit psilocybin mushroom charge to fight and a cannabis caution. Once we were back in the car, I am told that we are heading back home to Melbourne. At this stage I am so tired, stressed, delirious...feeling generally horrible. With no drugs. And plans for the weekend absolutely fucking destroyed. In fairness to the cops, they didn't take a few of my things which they couldn't prove weren't legal smoking blends so they forgot about them.
<br>
<br>
Well we try to forget about things and when we get home we smoke <strong>lots</strong> of ganja. I'm talking about 1.5grams that night. That's a lot of weed for me. We keep smoking bong after bong the whole night, and I get to sleep at about 5am I think. I can't even remember. Anyway, I slept till about 11:30am, got up, smoked some cones and then decided I feel like shit still and went back to bed for a few hours.
<br>
<br>
After getting up later on in the arvo, I had a little bit of food to eat, smoked some more cones and before I knew it it was pretty much night time. I decided that I'm not going to let anything ruin my weekend. Nothing at all. So I went and picked up 2 tabs of acid and a little bit of weed &amp; headed back home. Smoked some more and I thought I was feeling not too bad, so I invited another friend over who is very very experienced with psychedelics and I thought that with him around I would be fine no matter what &amp; in the end this turned out to be true.
<br>
<br>
Once he gets around we all decide to get together some San Pedro tea, mushrooms &amp; a bit of acid for the night. We start chugging San Pedro tea at my place for a little bit and then start heading down to the park. Once we are down there we find little firewood and struggle to get a fire going. I'm starting to feel the San Pedro by now, and I've been on an empty stomach all day. My first time tripper friend wasn't feeling too high from it but he was feeling a bit sick and had thrown up a few times.
<br>
<br>
It's now a good hour or so after drinking the San Pedro and I felt it building quite nicely so I decided to eat 2 tabs of decent acid. Still feeling not too bad I decided to eat a small amount - probably 1-1.5g - of dried cubensis. Once these are washed down me and my experienced friend decide to go on a journey to the servo to get wood.
<br>
<br>
We leave my inexperienced friend who at this stage was a little sick but not very high at the park by himself for 15 minutes while we go and get some wood. I notice that I am coming up very very hard but nothing that I didn't think I could handle at this stage. Once we grab the wood and start carrying it back to the park. We get back to our spot with things all over the place, a pile of vomit, and a half empty bottle of San Pedro tea sitting there, but my friend was not there.
<br>
<br>
Whilst still coming up fear and panic started to build. We walked around looking for my friend whose phone was off and unable to be contacted. We walk around shouting out his name, unable to find him at all. We decide to sit at the fire, try and start it and just all round try and chill out for a little bit. With me still coming up hard, worrying the fact we had no fire, getting increasingly scared and cold...it was bad. I call up my brother to let me know if my friend turns up at my place. This was getting worse and worse...
<br>
<br>
Now I have never had a 'bad trip' on anything, let alone LSD/mescaline/mushrooms all together before. I had no idea what it would feel like...absolutely no idea. Well after a bit of time I finally got a phone call from my brother, telling me that my friend was now back at my place and safe. I should've felt better now knowing this but I think the damage was already done. My fate was made. I bent down to try and get the fire going but I was unable to do a lot. I was shaking like crazy. I stopped what I was doing, and sat there, breathing very fast, and shivering profusely. I tried to take my mind off things. I tried to stand up and screw around with the fire again.
<br>
<br>
After failing dismally, I sat down again, still breathing hard and shivering. My friend now asked me if I was OK, and I said 'I don't think so man.' He asked me if I wanted to go home but I said I was OK for now. I kept talking to my friend and he kept reassuring me I was OK and everything was fine. As my condition was increasingly getting worse, my friend was starting to get concerned so he put on some music first and then started talking to me about his bad trip and how he felt at the time. According to him, I was in a very similar state at the time. He asked me how it felt and I said I wasn't sure. He then asked me if it was powerful and I said 'YES! It's more powerful than anything else! Powerful!' At this time I was crying and spluttering and whimpering and laughing and screaming, all at the same time. It was <strong>incredible</strong>.
<br>
<br>
I was in too much of a state to really be away from home, so I said/cried/screamed/whimpered 'I THINK I WANNA GO HOME MAN! I WANNA GO HOMMEEEEE!' I felt really horrible and guilty and I was saying how sorry I was to my friend for ruining his trip and he kept saying it was OK and he has had to do similar things before and I should just try and keep my mind off things and keep talking and walking. I quickly gathered my things and began the long walk home. It was dark, cold, and I was started to get very wet. While I was walking through a densely forested area, I got <strong>very very</strong> scared and I was constantly stopping and whimpering...constantly. I then realized about now that this was the most intense spiritual and emotional moment of my life. This wasn't just some scary horrible thing anymore, it was POWERFUL. INTENSE. MAGICAL. CRAAZY. INSANE. ENLIGHTENING. EVERYTHING. The fight-or-flight response of panic and fear is almost exhilarating. I have never felt anything like that in my life.
<br>
<br>
My friend while still talking, and making sure I was OK, asked me how I was &amp; exactly how I felt. I said 'I'm...not...sureee!' He then asked me to look at him and say the words 'I-AM-O-K!' I kept doing so and it made me feel better. He then told me about how when he was having his bad trip and that how you will never feel this exact feeling ever again and to think about how many people ever get to feel this feeling. And I clearly remember him saying 'LSD is the most incredible thing in the universe.' it hit me so hard. The realization of what I was feeling. At the given time. All at once. I broke down just crying saying 'OH MY GOD! OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU ARE SO RIGHT! FREEDOM OF CONSCIOUSNESS IS A HUMAN RIGHT AND NOBODY CAN EXTRACT EXPERIENCE FROM MY BRAIN AND NOBODY CAN TAKE THIS FEELING AWAY FROM ME!' It was a powerful moment. Very personal and spiritual.
<br>
<br>
Wow. What I was feeling was so incredible. I felt like this was a step forward in my life. This was now and the beginning of tomorrow not before today. But now &amp; after now. I couldn't fathom it! This was impossible! I was feeling things that are not possible to feel! Once we got out of the park and around houses, I was still crying and whimpering. Because I was around houses I had to muffle the noises I was making. Constantly crying and whimpering. When would this leave me? I couldn't handle much more of it. I was so glad when we got back to my place. I opened the door, went upstairs, collapsed on the bathroom floor, and started rolling around, in a state of complete egolessness. Totally unaware of what I was feeling. My mood was constantly changing. From despair to happiness, from catatonia to bliss, from anxiety to sadness, from complete terror to warmth and peace. This would change as constantly as every 15 seconds, sometimes taking about 15 minutes to change.
<br>
<br>
I went downstairs, and just sat on the floor in front of the TV. The noise was <strong>horrible</strong>! I demanded it be turned off. I couldn't take it. Sitting on the floor, rocking back and forth in the fetal position was truly horrible. <strong>Constantly</strong> with a changed mood. People talking to me meant nothing. I was getting paranoid. I thought they were using me. I had no idea what sort of shit they had me doing for them at the time. They would deliberately tell jokes and I wasn't sure whether to believe it for a second. Then a few seconds later I'd burst into a fit of laughter after realizing they were joking.
<br>
<br>
Then BANG! It would happen again... FEAR! TERROR! INSANITY! CATATONIA! FEAR! HAPPINESS! EUPHORIA! INTENSE WONDER! ANXIETY! PARANOIA! The constantly changing moods were fucking so horrible but they were gradually wearing off. Every single day we take our sanity for granted. Trust me. Being crazily insane and stuck in a crazy constantly changing loop for 5-6 hours was not fun.
<br>
<br>
In time, the loops were calming down and they kept becoming less and less intense. But sitting down on the floor saying to my friend 'oh shit... It's gonna happen again now isn't it?' then he'd say 'aaaaaany minute now.' then I'd get up and start walking around, talking to myself and going crazy and screaming, laughing, crying. Then I'd go and sit down again and feel OK. Then I'd ask if it was going to happen again soon. Then it would go on, and on, and on, and on, and on. I think I would've had at least 20-30 intense loops, with about another 100+ or so that happened in my head which weren't evident to those around me.
<br>
<br>
I went outside and decided to smoke a few cones, and that made me feel alright. I was still peaking hard. The loops didn't seem to get any worse so I sat outside for a bit and just chilled out and kept smoking. After a bit I went inside and I was able to concentrate on the TV a little bit better now and the loops weren't as bad. As it got later and later I realized the sun was going to be coming up soon. So I thought a walk was in order.
<br>
<br>
I walked back down to the park across the big oval I walked across the night before. There was a very thick fog over the oval, and the grass was COVERED in dew. Soon enough, over the horizon, the sun rose. It was directly in front of me, a massive burning ball of light, heat &amp; energy. I could feel its warmth immediately. And I could feel this 'roaring' and 'glowing' feeling inside me. I then bent down and touched the dew in the grass, and almost before I'd even touched it it just disintegrated into nothing and the little patch of dew I touched had disappeared. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in my whole life. Everything that I had ever perceived flashed past my eyes and the most intense feeling I felt at the time was <strong>love</strong>! Love is the most powerful feeling there is, and I am sure of this now. I just broke down crying again. I was there, at that exact time, experiencing something so fucking amazing and unique and beautiful. This was the most beautiful moment of the whole trip, and the most beautiful feeling I've ever felt in my whole life. At the time I started to feel a real conclusive feeling like the trip was talking to me. It kinda said 'it's over now, so you make the most of it. I'm leaving now. May the light I've produced for you and the things I've showed you be understood and used to push yourself as far as you want to during your time on this planet.'
<br>
<br>
As I got up and kept walking towards the sun in complete euphoria and happiness and spirituality, I felt like I was healed. All the tears I expelled from my body were like purging. All the poison was gone and expelled from my body and I was running on the power &amp; spirit of love. I felt healed. After a little while I eventually walked back home, drank some water, ate some fruit, let my friends go home and then I finally went to sleep at about 1 p..m, about 17 hours after ingestion. I was still feeling too high to sleep but my body just switched itself off. After I got up later that day at about 6 pm I still felt not normal. At 10 pm the next time I smoked some weed and noticed mild LSD/mescaline-like visuals, more than 24hours after ingestion. Wow.
<br>
<br>
All in all, I think that the initial freak out was the mushrooms that pushed me over the edge, it was the acid that caused the insane delusions and thought &amp; it was the powerfully energetic visuals from the mescaline which made the edginess of the acid even worse. I think I felt a strong happy peaceful healed sort of feeling while walking along the grass which I attribute to mescaline. What an intense nightmare. But intense nightmares get you a lot further than any other plain old happy giggly walk in the park.
<br>
<br>
I think I will be taking some time off psychedelics and generally trying to get myself back together. In time I will dose again, because I feel like I owe so fucking much to these extremely wonderful unique chemicals and what they are capable of doing.
<br>
<br>
If it ever happens to me again, I'll think about how amazing and unique and exhilarating it feels. Go with it! And let it do what it wants to do. Whatever doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger. If it's scary and bad it's like that for a reason! Psychedelics make me think &amp; feel the way I <strong>should</strong> be thinking and feeling at the time. They are all keys that are capable of opening doors that will push life in the right direction. I needed to realize that not everything in life is meant to be fun or enjoyable. Some beneficial things aren't necessarily going to be fun.
<br>
<br>
Peace, love, happiness &amp; contemptness to all! I love each and every one of you! We are 6 billion different personalities all thriving off cosmic energy that we all individually create! Whenever you love someone or do something good, beautiful or amazing to yourself or someone else, you will add to that energy and make it available for someone else to feel. Pass on the love and light to everyone you see and everyone you ever meet!<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 92907</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 16, 2012</td><td>Views: 14,681</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=92907&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=92907&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66), LSD (2), Cacti - columnar (10) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Bad Trips (6), Combinations (3), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">32 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/buprenorphine/">Pharms - Buprenorphine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I was addicted to Oxycodone for about 6-9 months before I heard about a 'miracle' drug called Suboxone. The doctor put me on this drug, starting at 32mg daily, for about one year. The honeymoon with this drug lasted at least 6-8 of those months. I felt cured! I literally felt like I was having the most clear-headed, sober and productive day, every day while taking this drug. It didn't produce a true high, it's high was simply a feeling of normalcy. Unfortunately, this feeling of being 'clean and sober' was a lie.
<br>
<br>
I began to notice that I was losing the ability to gain anything from psychedelics such as LSD. I felt like my spirituality had been destroyed. I took LSD one night, and felt like an empty void, like I was brain-dead. This was unusual because I have had great spiritual and colorful experiences with psychedelic drugs in the past, before my chronic opiate use and especially before my suboxone treatment. During this LSD trip I decided to quit.
<br>
<br>
I sat down during winter break with a bag of Kind Bud and plenty of time on my hands to withdraw. I figured it would be like Oxycodone withdrawal, lasting about 7 days with the peak amount of unpleasant effects at about day 3 or 4. The first day wasn't too difficult. Neither was the second. By the third, I could really feel my body missing the drug. The withdrawal became worse and increasingly more difficult with each passing day. I made it to day 7 before I freaked out, realizing there was no end in sight, and took the drug again.
<br>
<br>
Months later I went to rehab for 30 days, but also spent 7 days in a detox unit at a hospital before-hand. There were people in there who did over 200mg of Oxycodone a day and others who had 300$ a day heroin addictions who kept telling me 'don't worry, the worst of opiate withdrawal is over in 15 days, you will feel like a whole new person by the time you get out of here.'
<br>
<br>
It has now been about 4 months since my last suboxone dose, and I still feel the same way I did a month after I stopped taking it. Every day I feel lethargic, depressed, physically uncomfortable as hell, cold sweats, shivers, the whole sha-bang. Even when I relapse on oxycodone, I can still feel the withdrawals of suboxone during the high. That's about as fucked up as it gets ladies and gentlemen. This drug would have been fantastic if it had been given to me for about a month or two while being steadily tapered down, but it wasn't, and now here I am, almost a totally useless and highly dysfuctional human being to say the least.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 80777</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 11, 2010</td><td>Views: 30,940</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=80777&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=80777&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Naloxone (339), Pharms - Buprenorphine (265) : Not Applicable (38), Multi-Day Experience (13), Post Trip Problems (8), Hangover / Days After (46), Medical Use (47), Addiction &amp; Habituation (10), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
The winds of time eddy in chance for those with their ears open. Friday evening they brought one to Laytonville, CA to celebrate peace and love with other satient individuals across the globule globe. My brother, bereft of financial aid, relied upon the quick wit of our friend, sporting a jauntily pieced bracelet entailed from the ends of other benefactors.
<br>
<br>
Gear hastily piled upon the stooping hill claimed by our own, our feet taking over and pulling us towards vibrative healing waves, eager to move in and out of sweeping arches of music. Sean and I, eager for incresed stimulus, began a search for the pure form of methylenedioxymethamphetamine. We stood as extensions of the Dome of Electronica, swooping our heads in unison in search for the right individual.
<br>
<br>
Our solar spectator introduced himself in subtle fashion and unvieled a tonic of most strong composition. 3 inches of crushed molly and apple kiwi juice lay between us. The elixir slowly mingled into our throats, a rich pungeant taste enveloping the mouth in a pleasurable grip. We floated back towards the main stage and our companions.
<br>
<br>
The supernova went off a half hour later. And continued upon every second for what seemed like a year. Every pore, every surface of my body inside and out began to orgasm. Wide eyed wonderment exchanged between the two of us, and reality oozed into pure pleasure. The overwhelming facilities of this experience saturated my brain and all processing I could handle. I remember running, pell mell drunk stumbling criss crossing fading with Sean. Primordial wonderment gains control and all thought of previous life is thrown on the backburner. I became concentrated energy, a lightning bolt conducting with everything around me.
<br>
<br>
I was now backseat to a spiritual experience gone sentient. It still thirsted. Separated from my last links to reality, those who had brought me here, I found another catalyst to my cacophonic existence. Figures materialized bearing Lysergic acid diethylamide, blotted upon simple paper. 4 appeared in my hand and were placed in my mouth with organic certainty.
<br>
<br>
The world, swirls, twirls, sifts, syphons, fractures, fragments, splinters, splices. I begin to channel something, chancing upon my friends again, and begin foaming at the mouth, a la Nietzsche, spouting philosophical, challenging the consciousness around me, searching for a mind as finely honed as my own.
<br>
<br>
Deep into the night, uncertainty comes for a visit. I begin to wonder where camp is, where my friends are. Suddenly the amourfous light enveloping the pines are invasive, unappealing. I begin to wander, eyes blinded by kaleidoscopic waves, sifting through the patterns for the path to sleep. For suddenly I am living in a dream, and reality is what I make of it.
<br>
<br>
My feet bring me to a small temple, geometric canopy shrouding idols of prayer. I approach a small table, overhung with a white canvas. A lady full of happiness and beauty views my questioning eyes and offers hot tea. I take it and feel confused when she asks for money, and blindly appease her materialistic desire. She guides me to small pavilion, rectangular and exuding love. I shed my shoes and meditate amongst my fellow travelers. An urge to move flows through my body.
<br>
<br>
I stream my hands over my face, through my hair, relishing each tingle. Shoes unneeded, I plunge headstrong into the night.
<br>
<br>
Thus begins a roundabout paranoia. Weed in tow I move amongst the stages, tents of various shapes. The clash of such different drugs, affecting different levels of chemical balance, began to distort my judgement. I began to envision falsehood all around me. Weed became crack. I began sniffing, and individuals who I now know to have been full of concern, were doubted and mistrusted. Back to the sniffing, at this point i realized i had plunged very deep into the rabbit hole, for i had holes in my memory from the inception of my journey. i believed people were dosing me with crack. i also believed these same individuals were some type of secret society of high thinkers, testing me and my thought, if i were eligible and enlightened enough to share in their metaphysical wanderings.
<br>
<br>
I was now the tiger i was born under; wild, unpredictable, snarling i had two flimsly goals: smoke green with people and find my tent. People would offer me bowls and half smoked cigarettes. So sensitive to the smoke, my senses heightened, the trails of burning matter would infuriate my nose i would believe someone had snuck me cocaine. Bless the souls of all those i encountered and their patience and fortitude with my insatiable self. any other environment i would have been shunned, beaten even. but with love in their hearts they kept watch over me, as i condemned them as one thing or another, puppet masters and manipulators.
<br>
<br>
I truly believed i had been taken from earthdance. i believed i was in a crack camp. i headed for the country, cutting my self on fences and the underbrush. i came back in and one of the elders found me. by now i had accepted much and was less in denial. one of them sat me down in a hammock with a flagon of water and a wool blanket. we spoke of life, the universe, and my test for what seemed like hours. his spirit was strong, he gave off the impression of an old native american shaman, i guided my cometing thoughts into a cohesive structure. after they fell asleep in their old vangon, i continued in search of my tent. twilight lit up the sky, a orchestral spread of blues and purples, resonating with my every step.
<br>
<br>
I chanced upon two more night owls, who tolerated the last dredges of my alternate reality. i pulled myself into camp, strangely now knowing exactly where i had to go. anchored in i began the long process of grokking-drinking deeply of, understanding- the events that had transpired.
<br>
<br>
I know that i went well beyond my limit, deeper into the rabbit hole than i would have ever though possible. After i took the molly, the pure mdma, my mind decided to test itself. i projected this onto the individuals i met in my journey. what i saw, what i heard was accentuated, altered by what was altering me. I am still not sure of the fullest extent of this, but i believe i was creating individuals i was having conversations with.
<br>
<br>
The next day, i was walking to the car with my brother. i estimate i made a strong mental connection with at least 40 individuals, yet i strongly remember maybe 10. A man walks up to me with wonder on his face.
<br>
<br>
the man: 'Brother, i am glad to see you alive today. You changed my life last night with what you said. You opened my eyes.'
<br>
<br>
myself: 'Thank you friend, i dont know what to say.'
<br>
<br>
he asks me what i took last night. i tell him.
<br>
<br>
'You are a warrior brother! Your words have completely changed my view on life. Thank you.'
<br>
<br>
'You are welcome. Many thanks brother.'
<br>
<br>
Everything is so clear now. Through darkness we see light.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 82160</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 19, 2012</td><td>Views: 3,860</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=82160&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=82160&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">200 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
The background: My friend, whom I'll call Cedric, and I have been friends since elementary school (although we didn’t go to the same high school). Just being the nature of his high school friends, he got exposed to “drug culture” much earlier than I did. The immediate friends I had were mostly devout Christians, which I didn’t mind at all despite my being an Atheist since Jr. high. <br>
<br>
So, as I would learn much later, Cedric was somewhat of a stoner his junior and senior year. ‘School’s out, toke up’ kind of behavior. Having been DARE-brainwashed throughout my life by education, I still had my doubts about trying cannabis. Eventually, though, I got around to it after my junior year and thought it was alright. First times with pot are usually let-downs, or so I’m told. My second and third experiences were incredible, somewhat like very mild ‘trips’, but I’ll not get into that. Anyway, after moderate use, pot petered off into a mild sedated high – though music has a habit of enhancing the feelings of well-being.<br>
<br>
And as I would learn later still, Cedric had tried so many drugs during the summer after graduating high school, he had a hard time remembering them all. From what I can recall: marijuana, LSD, mushrooms, opium, ethanol, nicotine (addicted), salvia, robo, absinthe, MDMA, amphetamines, morning glory, etc. I never felt pressured into trying anything, but I could tell he was always excited when I agreed to try something new.<br>
<br>
We went to the same university (still do), and roomed together in the same dorm for our first semester. We had a third roommate (who is still rooming with Cedric), who I’ll call Jason. Jason was part of the ROTC and was pretty strict about never trying any drugs. Both I and Cedric associate ethanol (alcohol) with any other drug, but he, along with most of society, refuses to acknowledge the similarities. We never talked intensively about it, and he was fine about us smoking in the bathroom every now and then (we had hospital-grade air sanitizer for good measure).<br>
<br>
Cedric got an IM from his good friend from another university that he’d gotten hold of some LSD, and was willing to sell it to us for the price he bought it. We added in the price of gas money (though I do feel like we shortchanged him a bit), and set off to meet him in a parking lot about a week later. The exchange was quick; I pulled up beside him and his friend in a truck and left the engine running. Cedric got out, had a short conversation, and came back in the car with a folded-up paper towel in his pocket.<br>
<br>
We had originally arranged to wait until Friday when we had no classes and no obligations, but as is the case with many people, could not wait it out. We decided it was important enough that we should skip classes and just do it the next day. <br>
<br>
The experience:<br>
<br>
Cedric likes to sleep in, and I don’t. This was a problem, because when I woke up at 7 am I was already mentally prepared and anxious for my first acid trip. I walked around a little bit, ate some food, checked my internet forums. By the time 8 o’clock rolled around Cedric finally got up out of bed and I was eying the piece of paper towel on the counter signaling I was ready to go. It took another hour (for what reason I can’t remember) for us to open the paper towel. Inside were two little squares of paper, maybe ¼ inch by ¼ inch. I was very surprised at the prospect of such a tiny thing containing a decent amount of LSD. And I wonder to this day if the paper towel had absorbed any, which would have made it a crappy mode of transport.<br>
<br>
[9:00] We placed the tabs on our tongues. Cedric got two, and I got one. Almost immediately, I breathed in too hard and sucked the tab off of my tongue. I could feel it stuck to the roof of my mouth just in front of my uvula, which wasn’t too exciting. I eventually scraped it back down and resumed absorbing it through my tongue, though salivation was a minor problem. I highly recommend not being hungry while ingesting acid.<br>
<br>
[9:45] Cedric was feeling minor affects and I was not. I wasn’t too worried about it, though a little disappointed. At this point I began to wonder if maybe I was expecting too much from just one hit. He said he was a little put off by how slow the affects were appearing, so at this point we chewed up the papers for several minutes, then swallowed.<br>
<br>
[10:00] The trip came on very slowly, but I was definitely feeling it. It was one of being somewhat separated from normal reality, and a very slight sense of happiness for no reason. Things were definitely brighter in the room, and held more character. Computer screens and electronic things were fairly boring, and everything physical felt naturally grounded.<br>
<br>
We put on The Gorillaz ‘B-Sides’, and both decided the majority of the album was very good for tripping. For a good while we just sat around, walked around, and did whatever while listening to the music. Cedric turned on the PS3 since he decided he wanted to play a demo called “Toy Home”, a very childish driving game. He quickly became bored with it and favored instead watching the patterns on the floor. Jason commented that we were both very interesting to watch.<br>
<br>
I wasn’t getting much of any visuals except for increased brightness in everything, but I didn’t really care. I was just happy to be alive and listening to music. However the windows called to me. I announced to Cedric that it was completely necessary we go walk around outside. “Nah, there’s plenty to do inside. Plus, there are people out there.” The word “people” did actually sound menacing to my plan. “Go take a shower,” he said.<br>
<br>
I did so without question, and I’m glad I did. It’s actually very hard to explain how it feels, but I’ll do my best. Wherever the water hits and runs down, it tingles and my brain responds with loads of serotonin (‘happy’ neurotransmitter) for no good reason. The CEV’s are intensified at least 3x in the shower; I saw a kaleidoscope of colors, random words, people, and everything in-between.<br>
<br>
[11:00] Cedric was wary of the idea of leaving, which was understandable being that he was at the peak of his twice-as-strong trip. But I eventually persuaded him. I couldn’t help it. The sunshine from the windows gleamed and nature called.<br>
<br>
Walking down the hallway toward the elevator of our dorm building, I became aware of my distorted depth perception. It wasn’t quite as bad as 1 g of <i>P. cubensis</i>, but it was definitely there. Again, the light from the glass doors down the hall was an amazing sight and I wanted to see more of it.<br>
<br>
“Holy shit it’s bright,” I believe were my words when we stepped out the door. We walked around a bit in a tree-shaded area of dirt and rocks next to the parking lot. Our campus is a nature preserve, so the naturalness of our surroundings was incredibly pleasing to the eyes. At one point, I even stopped and bent down just to feel the ground. <br>
<br>
“What?” Cedric said<br>
<br>
“Just had to feel it, make sure it was really there,” I said. I meant it literally, but without much forethought. I began to then contemplate the idea philosophically, the idea of the ground being under our feet. I didn’t expand on it much but it was an interesting perspective.<br>
<br>
“Oh, right.”<br>
<br>
“Great texture,” I sounded like an idiot, but I didn’t mind. I could have definitely come up with something more intelligent to say, but I didn’t feel it was necessary.<br>
<br>
[11:30] We decided on watching my Led Zeppelin live concerts DVD, which was another great idea. The colors of the lights on stage, Robert Plant’s belting vocals, and Jimmy Paige’s wailing guitar were all pretty astounding. We skipped around songs, and when it came to Paige’s “White Summer/Black Mountainside”, I came up with a great idea.<br>
<br>
“Back in my lit class there was this assignment we had to do. We had to pick any song we liked, and analyze the lyrics so as to argument for or against it being poetry.”<br>
<br>
“Right, okay?” Cedric was just barely following me.<br>
<br>
“So, I should have picked this song! It’s a guitar solo, so it would have been f***ing incredible if I showed up and played White Summer, and laid out my argument for why it’s poetry. It would’ve been pretty original.”<br>
<br>
“Oh, damn! You’re right, man, that would’ve been pretty cool.”<br>
<br>
[2:00] I talked Cedric into going to the beach. It wasn’t quite as hard as convincing him to go outside, because he’d realized that was a good idea. Obviously, going to the beach wasn’t the greatest idea, and I knew it, but I pressed it on him because it’s what I really wanted to experience.<br>
<br>
I would be the one to drive, because I was the one with feet still firmly planted in reality. On the way to the parking lot, we encountered 10 or so police cars leaving the law enforcement education area. Neither of us were really spooked; in fact, I thought it was pretty funny that we were tripping in the vicinity of so many cops.<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br>
<br>
The drive there was pretty much a 30 minute haze of music and I can’t recall most of it. I was very intensely focused on driving, though it wasn’t that much harder than doing it sober. The Gorillaz’ tunes were following us everywhere we went that day. I couldn’t have made a better selection in music.<br>
<br>
[2:30] Being on the beach while just coming down from my peak on LSD was incredible. It was, and still is, the most incredible experience I’ve ever had. <br>
<br>
The clouds fractalized into themselves millions of times over, and the sky was enormous. The sand felt cool and the wind was soft. This was the first time in my life I was able to focus on every single aspect of perception at one time, and I was overjoyed by this fact. I could feel that the wind was coursing throughout the sky, over the waves and sand, and blowing over my face. The horizon of the ocean was incredibly distant, and yet I felt so incredibly close to it. I could feel myself occupying a tiny space of the gigantic entity that was the beach, ocean, and sky.<br>
<br>
“Dude, you have to lie down in the sand. It’s great,” I said<br>
<br>
“Nah, that’s alright. You’re doing your thing and I’m doing mine,” was Cedric’s reply as he sat with legs criss-crossed. <br>
<br>
Just to add a little oddity to my utopian experience, I giant DirecTV blimp floated into view and directly over Cedric and I. The blimp had a flexible jumbo-tron attached to the side of it; we both watched the movie previews as it soared away. It bothered me, being a little unnatural in my surroundings, but after a few minutes I decided it fit into my utopia in a very quirky, sci-fi kind of way.<br>
<br>
At this point I noticed the “Men in Black Shirts” on the beach. They weren’t figments of my imagination – they were real people, and creepy at that. I understand that you’re supposed to be a little paranoid on psychedelics every now and then, but I wasn’t being paranoid for no good reason. There were literally 6-7 older men in our area, all wearing the same exact black t-shirt, all patrolling up and down the beach while communicating on cell phones. It wouldn’t have bothered me too much if there were some of them posted further down the beach on either direction, but there weren’t. They were all confined to walking in circles within a 200 foot radius of Cedric and I. Obviously, we got a little edgy (me, mostly). So, we headed for my car.<br>
<br>
[3:20] Upon backing out, I bumped into another man’s SUV, who was waiting for his turn to back out. I attribute this to my crappy depth perception, which is why it was probably not the best idea to be driving in the first place. I parked my car, turned it off, and stepped out, hoping to the Flying Spaghetti Monster that I hadn’t dented his bumper.<br>
<br>
I apologized immediately to the man when he stepped out, “sorry about that... I just didn’t see it and thought I wasn’t too close and...”<br>
<br>
“Don’t worry about it. Just lemme see here...” He checked his bumper. “Nope, it’s alright.”<br>
<br>
[4:00+] The rest of the day was pretty laid-back. We were both a little sad to be coming down, but overall, it was a great first experience for me. I can't wait until Bonnaroo 2008 for my first REAL trip :)<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68713</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 25, 2012</td><td>Views: 3,926</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68713&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68713&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cacti/">Cacti</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ce/">2C-E</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">230 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I have been experimenting with DMT a bit recently and have had some positive experiences and a few somewhat frightening experiences. I hadn't yet figured out how to get the most out of the drug and often felt unsatisfied with it. Generally, smoking DMT will cause me to feel an intense electricity in the body, I get closed-eye visuals of complex three dimensional fractals and outer space galactic imagery and feel myself hurtling forward in space and time at a very fast speed. I never have seen or felt entities or entered into what I thought was a fully immersive environment where consensus reality disappears. When I open my eyes on DMT usually the visuals I am seeing become a layer superimposed on top of reality. I wanted to have a more intense DMT trip and thought that smoking it while on acid would probably provide that. The first time I smoked DMT at the tail end of an acid trip, it was still not deep enough, reality stayed firmly there with my eyes open and although the body energy was incredible -- I still felt like I wasn't fully 'breaking through' or however you would like to conceptualize an intense and fully-realized DMT trip.
<br>
<br>
I was spending the week at a friend's lake house and was dedicated to going very far out on a variety of psychedelics over a multi-day period. Pretty much a psychedelic binge and although I trip a lot in general I do space out my trips more than what you read in this report. On Saturday morning I did some gentle yoga with a friend, ate breakfast and 3 hits of acid that I estimated to be around 75 micrograms each. As I got higher I was feeling really good and went for a swim in the pristine lake, surrounded by mountains. The acid trip was settling in very comfortably with euphoric, oceanic feelings of being at peace in the universe. I was physically dissolving and while in the lake I felt both infinitely small and totally connected to nature and the water where my body was floating. I went up to the cabin and drank about a cup (8 oz) of San Pedro tea that had been mixed with citric acid and although it was a very small amount of mescaline, my trip became imbued with a mescaline gentleness, serenity and emotional warmth. I swam, laughed with friends, sat on the beach in a chair with my eyes closed and the sun shining on me. The clouds moved so fast and the water was reflecting the light in a thousand different directions at once.
<br>
<br>
About 5 hours into the acid I wandered into the house and took a 25mg dose of 2ce.
<br>
<br>
When the 2ce hit, I had to mostly remain still and calm. The waves of pleasure coursing through my body were intense and unrelenting. I don't feel like I can describe it as anything other than completely and totally classically psychedelic. Everything in my field of vision was melting and dripping and looked smeared. I couldn't tell where objects were beginning and ending. Every movement I made felt like the molecules surrounding my skin were rearranging in response to my movements. Swimming, walking, breathing. Sounds were loud and became abstract although I did pretty well in conversations I sometimes felt like socializing was difficult and I wasn't really understanding a lot of what was going on around me. Things felt confusing but I wasn't distressed. I didn't exactly try to keep it together, I kept feeling really good and laughing a lot. 2ce can sometimes have a heavy body load but I had no nausea or physical discomfort.
<br>
<br>
When it got dark, about 8 hours into the acid (?) and a few into the 2ce, I decided to smoke some DMT. Because I get afraid of DMT I sometimes don't adequately prepare to smoke it. I just grab some and jump into the deep end head first. I don't like to think about it too much. I sat at a table in the living room with a bunch of other tripping people some of whom knew about DMT and others who didn't. My friend loaded up a pretty hefty bong load and I took 2 huge hits and held them for a while. By the time I had exhaled the second hit I was completely gone. My eyes closed and all I could see was an enormous curved space. I later described it as a super-complicated meshed Faberge egg interior. The curve went up and down as far as I could see. I was inside the egg. Unlike all of my previous DMT trips, the vision was totally and completely STATIC. It did not move at all, not even on a molecular level, it seemed to me that the image was completely real, it was both incredibly fragile and as strong as steel, inexorable. I opened my eyes and nothing changed at all -- it was still the static mesh egg interior and I squinted my eyes and saw nothing else. The lack of movement caused me to futilely grasp at my ego. I was outside of time.
<br>
<br>
I thought that I was dead. I knew that I was dead and I became terrified. I knew my friends were still there and I said 'are you worried about me?' I heard the friend who had packed the bowl for me say, 'nobody's worried about you' but I knew it was a hollow attempt to comfort me. I stood up and said 'don't worry, I have to go in the lake!' My girlfriend held me gently to prevent me from running out the door and I switched direction, ran into the bathroom and bolted into the shower. I still couldn't really see anything but the DMT vision yet I felt some kind of undeniable instinct that I had to be in water, I ran into the shower and turned it on cold while wearing all of my clothes. My heart was pounding. I was in the shower and the physical feeling of the water was wetter than water had ever been. I let it run down my head, kicked off my soaking wet clothes and stood in the shower naked wearing only a crystal necklace, which felt like it weighed 1000 pounds of power or like a piece of armor. I couldn't really see anything properly but I was no longer trapped inside of an endless egg. I realized that I was alive and completely powerful. I achieved a transformation into something more than a human being, I felt like some kind of super-intelligent and evolved sea mammal creature. Nothing happened at that moment other than a death-rebirth-transformation. I kept saying 'I'm ok now, don't worry, I love you' to my girlfriend but she made me stay in the shower until my eyes were able to focus on her. I laughed and felt amazing euphoria.
<br>
<br>
When I put on dry clothes and left the bathroom, I was still incredibly high from the drugs I had taken earlier and I felt totally transformed. It looked to my friends that I had gone through a total freak out and I guess that I had but the aftermath of the experience that so glowing that I can't think of it as anything other than positive and valuable. I feel a bit bad that I bugged out a few of my friends but the interesting thing is that anyone who had done DMT before wasn't worried about anything other than me hurting myself while I was uncomprehending of reality. Thankfully they were there for me and protected me from myself, although I did seem to realize that running into the woods to go jump in the lake was a bad idea and chose the shower baptism more or less of my own volition. ;) I had an afterglow from the DMT well into the following morning. I couldn't still feel the DMT but the experience was sticking with me and I was sort of jumpy and euphoric into the next day.
<br>
<br>
Nothing else eventful happened that night. I would say that the acid, a small amount of mescaline and 2ce combination was pretty hardcore, definitely not for the inexperienced. I worked on some art projects, chilled with friends, watched a fire in the fireplace.
<br>
<br>
I was still scared of DMT though. I wanted to do it again the next day but I was afraid. Two days later I ate 10mg 2cp and 4 hits of acid. I wanted to try the DMT again. Once I was settled into the 2cp, no nausea or anything, I ate the acid. As soon as the acid hit I asked my friend to pack me some DMT and watch me while I did it to make sure I didn't do anything unpredictable. We went into a bedroom and I put on my headphones with one of my favorite songs on. I smoked a big single hit of DMT and lay down. This time, the vision was not static. I was more like previous DMT trips I have had with a feeling of motion and the sensation of hurtling forward in space and time. I saw twisting fractal visuals and didn't try to hold onto myself at all. It was a smaller dose and the experience wasn't shattering me but I felt very happy and comfortable and wiggly.
<br>
<br>
This is the way I would recommend doing DMT: in private, in a darkish place, watched over by a trusted friend and free of external distractions. Not everyone likes music but I thought it was very helpful to calm me and make me feel open enough to accept whatever the DMT felt like handing me. I really think that DMT is one of those drugs that has a bit of a steep learning curve and rewards the experienced. It combines wonderfully with other drugs but be careful because they intensify it. Smoking DMT while tripping on acid can really make the DMT seem so much longer, which can be alarming if you are worried about never coming down. Some people will love combining these two compounds for that very same reason.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 92452</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 33</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 26, 2012</td><td>Views: 5,381</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=92452&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=92452&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 2C-E (137), DMT (18), Cacti - columnar (10) : Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ci_nbome/">25I-NBOMe</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">75 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I will preface this by saying that I have had numerous experiences, with psychedelics and dissociatives, this was, however, my first experience with LSD.
<br>
<br>
I had, had numerous experiences tripping with other people, and although the social loops where often entertaining, I found myself unable to complete delve into the trip. I wanted to have one last trip, the one trip to rule them all.
<br>
<br>
I finished my paper, and took two tabs of acid. I bumped the ketamine in careful doses over the course of the trip. And took the NBOME when I wanted to completely melt into the blackness. This was to be an extraordinary journey, from which I would not be able to escape (primarily because my friend had taken my keys without me noticing, and I didn't want to call people at 3 AM with a head full of acid, having lost my keys).
<br>
<br>
I closed the lights and put a mattress in my living room, I fed the cats, and put on an 8 hour long playlist consisting largely of apollo by brian eno, and stars of the lid. When I finally did take the last bump of ketamine closed my eyes, and lied down, I could feel myself falling through multiple layers of soft enveloping blackness. I forgot myself, and experienced suffering and joy thousandfold.
<br>
<br>
The trip jumped through time and space and I saw numerous scenarios playing themselves out around me. I experienced killing native americans with a colt from horseback, and having my children killed by white skinned invaders, with strange weapons I didnt understand. I was both the perpetrator and victim of every single act of evil, but also of every act of kindness. I saw the girl I fancy being shredded in half by a circular, and I saw POW's returning to their families.
<br>
<br>
I felt like I was rocking a newborn with my left hand, and hunting slaves with a rusty spear with my right. I experienced countless events from all across history, all playing themselves out with me in the middle of them. Human nature showed all of its faces to me. I felt like I understood. No longer did I feel part of some small brotherhood of people with whom I could relate, people like me. But instead with all of humanity, with this extraordinary species, with all of our pain and malice, kindness and joy. Across history, the drops of causality, the actions of every single human being, had made the well stir in that exact fashion that created me.
<br>
<br>
I could see at my feet what I can only describe as a giant black vagina/flower, through the floors I could see the flowers of the people in my apartment. And I could see the tubes, the tubes that led to the singularity, which manifested itself as a giant tree. I knew that everything was a result of everything else.
<br>
<br>
Towards the end my brain let me have one single scene of pure unadulterated awesomeness, void of any imminent philosophical implications. I was standing on top of a cliff, at the bottom of which, only a few feet of sand separated the almost vertical wall from the ocean. I looked out over the endless waves, and from behind the sun an eagle appeared. I drew the string of a bow I didn't know I had (Kyodo style of course, holding the bow above my head, pulling it down and drawing the string, and then releasing, all in one swift motion) the arrow flew, and it was as if the air held it's breath in anticipation. While mid air, I felt the gravity of the world shift towards the arrow, suddenly the cliff was horizontal, immediately acknowledging this, I jumped into a diving position. Speeding through the air at terminal velocity, the arrow pierced the heart of the eagle only a split second before I caught it. Holding the eagle and the arrow, my ballistic arch gradually fell, and I broke through the surface of the ocean, barely stirring the surface and still holding my prey.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 99842</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 19, 2013</td><td>Views: 5,420</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=99842&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=99842&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Ketamine (31), 25I-NBOMe (542) : Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:40</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:16</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
'To worship me take wine and strange drugs whereof I will tell my prophet, and they shall not harm ye at all.' — Liber Al Vel Legis, or The Book Of The Law <br>
<br>
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.<br>
<br>
I was turned onto recreational use of psychedelic substances about a year ago, when a friend introduced me to marijuana. I'd actually been using Ritalin for 12 years, taking it daily as prescribed for ADD. This influenced all my drug experiences and skewed all the data I'd collected about their effects on my consciousness, so at the beginning of this year, I went cold turkey off the stuff to both become totally independent of substances and to give me a stable and unadulterated baseline from which to judge what effects these things were actually having on me independent of their interaction with the Ritalin. <br>
<br>
All this to say that historically, my initial physical reactions to drugs have been generally abnormal to the point of being unlike any others I've heard of, as per my skewed physiology. For example, my first time smoking pot I went totally blind for about a minute and a half, my brain had so much trouble dealing with what was happening (something I haven't heard of happening to any other pot smokers). <br>
<br>
So, by the afternoon of Friday, March 2nd, 2007, I'd tried pot, <i>Salvia divinorum</i>, <i>Amanita muscaria</i> (that resulting in nothing but annoying physical affects, and skewed results based on the fact that I'd smoked pot beforehand and was already high by other means), but never LSD. <br>
<br>
The night before, I studies some websites to have some handle on what I was getting myself into as well as to be able to prove that the pieces of paper I'd eaten (ostensibly containing some sort of colorless, odorless, and basically undetectable psychedelic) had had some real effect. I've been screwed over before by simple pieces of paper sold to me by people who'd said it was acid. I memorized almost all of the effects by means of the Qabalistic <a href="http://www.thelemapedia.org/index.php/Tree_of_Life">Tree Of Life</a>, utilizing Aleister Crowley's attributions as places to 'hang' the effects mentally. This will be important later, as I hung the effect of 'megalomania' on the path of the Magus, but you'll see when we get there. At this point it would also be probably useful to mention that I'm a Thelemite, which colors the rest of the experience in many and varied ways. <br>
<br>
I, afraid for my sanity and my life, had asked a trusted friend (well call him Gemini, as per his astrological sign) to babysit, to both stop me from doing anything self-destructive as well as to bring me to the hospital if things got really bad; I gave him my pocketknife, afraid that I might accidentally hurt myself with it or worse. <br>
<br>
1.33pm I eat one hit of Acid.<br>
<br>
3.10 Having left the slip of blotter paper in my mouth for about an hour, but still feeling nothing, I began to get suspicious that I'd been screwed over again. A friend of Gemini's (hereinafter 'G'), we'll call him Sagittarius (as per his own sign, hereinafter 'S'), suggested I eat the other two hits left on the sheet of blotter paper, because 'they obviously didn't work.' I did so, not thinking that they would do anything. G gives me back my pocket knife. <br>
<br>
I, dejected, decided that I wanted to get high instead and that we should all go to buy some pot. Luckily, I took my journal with me. We walked over to a friend's house to buy some pot and I was with S and G in S's room, where G was rolling a joint when I called the guy who'd sold it to me, a friend of mine, to tell him that his source had probably fucked us both over. <br>
<br>
We left his room, got in S's car, and began the drive to a park where we'd smoke the joint G rolled.<br>
<br>
4.31 I write in my journal, 'I feel...lethargic.' It was at this point when I started to feel that things had gone distinctly awry. I felt positively drunk, and in a way I'd never precisely felt before. This was before I had taken any sort of hit from the joint. I kept trying to work out the gematria for the word 'pot,' but kept getting distracted, so one might argue that 'difficulty focusing' was an effect present in full force. Note: Gematria is the mystico-magical practice of equating letters with numbers and adding those numbers up to get a value which is compared with similar word-sums in an attempt to generate correlations between the words.<br>
<br>
At some point before 4.49, the joint began to be passed around; hence comes what could be interpreted as evidence for the hypothesis that pot potentiates LSD, as the effects were about to kick into high gear. <br>
<br>
4.49 '+++,' I write in my journal (using Shulgin scale notation), adding, 'Everything is so pleasurable...I'm no longer 'in control.' I had never experienced this kind of pleasure before. I was doing awkward arm motions across the windshield of S's car, as if I were autistic or retarded, because I was so pleasured and didn't wish to exert effort over my arm. <br>
<br>
5.00 (Journal) 'Maybe a PLUS FOUR.'<br>
<br>
5.44 (Journal) '++++'<br>
<br>
(Journal) 'MOOD LIFT!' At this point, I decided that I was experiencing an amount of pleasure that I hadn't had before and might never have ever again. When we arrived at the park, I had to drag myself out of the car seat. <br>
<br>
'I'm seeing patterns too often,' I wrote. This appears to have been the first time 'open-eye visuals' made their presence known to me, as this was a summary of my recurring interpretation of what my brain was doing when I saw open-eye visuals throughout the rest of the night, that the part of my brain which sees patterns in nature was hyper-analyzing my environment to the point where I was seeing patterns and connections where there wouldn't normally be any. <br>
<br>
Somewhere in here, I decided to pull out my pocketknife and cut myself to prove that I would still feel pleasurable regardless. You must understand, that this was not quite so insane to me as it sounds to you. I cut semi-regularly as part of a program of psychological negative reinforcement called <a href="http://www.sacred-texts.com/oto/lib3.htm">Liber Jugorum</a>, but when I rolled up my left sleeve to cut, the place where I was going to cut happened to be near my left wrist. Bad place, I know. Which is why I'm glad S stopped me and took my knife from me. I tried to argue that, 'If I'm feeling this much pleasure, death shouldn't scare me,' or something like that, but I'm pretty sure I just wasn't entirely there at that point. <br>
<br>
Continuing this line of thought, I asked S to kick me in the shins several times, which he did. It just didn't seem to hurt. <br>
<br>
I consciously decided to test out this pleasure - it seemed that I could do anything and nothing would phase me - so, on a rocky trail in the park, I consciously decided to throw myself on the ground. S and G chided me, saying that we were in public and didn't want to attract attention. <br>
<br>
As we walked back to the car, I noticed patterns in the ground of the same sort which I've already explained and became very conscious of just the sound of the leaves crunching under our feet (perhaps 'increased awareness and appreciation of the senses'?). <br>
<br>
I wrote, 'Why do anything other than feel pleasurable?' in my journal, which would become important later on, as it's a theme I'd return to over and over.<br>
<br>
I also wrote, 'I feel almost as if I'd die ['could die,' I presume I meant] and I wouldn't care.' <br>
<br>
By this point, we had returned to S's room. I looked in the mirror at one point, taking note of the fact that my pupils were dilated as all Hell, recording the note, 'Pupil dilation' in my journal as well as I could while the room looked like it was flowing around me. <br>
<br>
I sat down and felt like I was a fish in a fishtank, with water surrounding me.<br>
<br>
My phone-alarm rang, reminding me that it was time to <a href="http://www.sacred-texts.com/oto/lib200.htm">Resh</a>. I told S and G that I had to go, so I left the room, G behind me (he's a fellow Thelemite). When I looked at the setting sun in the middle of the ritual, all I could see were elaborate patterns forming and deforming around the sun itself out of the surrounding clouds. This was at the time the most beautiful experience I believe I have ever had. <br>
<br>
I turned to G: 'This...is why Crowley wanted us to practice Resh: it's so beautiful,' and we so often miss how beautiful the world is. This is something that can easily be remedied if we only stop to look around us and recognize the beauty of the world we live in. That's the point of worshiping the sun 4 times a day (well, one of the points; there's far more to it then that): to not miss the beauty there. <br>
<br>
I watched a Tool music video that got the first 12 dozen notes or so of one of their songs stuck in my head for the rest of the night as a cognitive 'baseline' that I would return to over and over when I wasn't thinking of other things. <br>
<br>
I at this point was a mess, not fully coherent. I noted an experience of some 'nausea' down in my journal before saying as much, finally deciding that I had enough evidence to confirm that this was, in fact, an Acid trip: 'I'm probably Acid tripping. I know that I am incoherent.' <br>
<br>
Somewhere in here (I'm only sure that it happened before and not after the following), I got scared that my conscious volition would be lost in the sea that was all of the cognitive and perceptual forces making and unmaking themselves before my eyes. <br>
<br>
So, I left S's room, deciding that I needed to do the Star Ruby, a Thelemic banishing ritual, as an attempt to gain some sort of control over the trip.<br>
<br>
I did the ritual, in complete darkness (I guess it was a sign of my coherence-of-mind that I could remember and engage in the 5-or-so-minute-long ritual at all), finishing quickly when I started to see many and varied things with my eyes closed. <br>
<br>
I had the munchies at this point, and ate like a motherfucker upon returning to S's room. But I was ostensibly coherent enough to walk about two football stadium lengths across campus to where I had paid for the pizza. <br>
<br>
At some point, I decided (with the Thelemic solipsistic bent) that 'the universe only exists for my entertainment, and if my environment is not currently entertaining me, I should either leave it or change it to the end that is my pleasure.' I became a real dick to S and G before we went back out to smoke some more, though I was much more assertive than usually. I felt at another point that I really could do anything I wanted, and that all I needed to do was will to push myself towards some particular end, and I would attain it. <br>
<br>
Interesting to note is that - and I don't recommend this unless you have some way of practicing and testing yourself with under-the-influence-driving to prove you can efficiently function - G wanted to go get cigarettes from a local 24-hour store and had no one else to drive but me. So, still on acid, I drove my car down the street to this place with really no problem.<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> <br>
<br>
For the rest of the night I was basically manic, running around campus and trying not to allow the visual oddities to take over by continually pacing everywhere and talking to myself. I was still rather pot-high, meaning that my mind was dreaming up all sorts of neat ideas, as tends to happen when I get high, for another few hours, until around 5.30 in the morning, when I slept.<br>
<br>
Woke a few hours later with my newfound pleasure-seeking and dickish personality intact. My mother and grandmother had arrived on campus. I reviewed the notes from the previous night, as is my custom, to refresh the memory of what had just happened. <br>
<br>
The depression I felt starting around that afternoon was one of the deepest and darkest I've ever experienced. It was a burnt-out, not-enough-sleep, nothing-in-the-world-can-make-me-happy feeling. So, I got rid of my mother as quickly as possible. She could tell that something was wrong and continued to ask if I was depressed; I lied each time, telling her, 'Not at all.' <br>
<br>
Took some sleeping pills around 5pm and woke up a good deal more than 12 hours later, refreshed and basically O.K. <br>
<br>
All in all, a great experience.<br>
<br>
Love is the Law, Love Under Will.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 67089</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 2, 2013</td><td>Views: 3,733</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=67089&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=67089&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : First Times (2), Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(edible / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">80-90 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">185 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My roommate and I have been experimenting heavily with psychedelics over the past few months of the summer. We are both well versed in a sleuth of traditional hallucinogens and have been so for many years. We had been doing frequent strong doses of LSD since the beginning of the summer. Regarding ourselves to be on a mission to spread the good word of LSD too all those whom would listen, and by listen I mean eat our small sweet tarts. A steady supply of a junior chemist east coast made vials filled with what I would call the purest liquid fueled this fire. As we fell deeper into the realm of different psychedelics and obtaining larger then normal amounts of said chemicals we constantly met more psycho-nauts whom could facilitate this. My roommate had a friend from school who mentioned he had broken into DMT and was part of a close-knit group of people who thrived on the alteration of the mind. An opportunity came about for my roommate to experience one of these gatherings his friend would attend. While there he drank a brew of Pharmahuasca and also smoked pure N,N-DMT from a pipe. As instructed the next day he came home with 4 grams of the DMT, and this is where my recollection begins.
<br>
<br>
Over the course of the last week I have experimented with DMT on a few different occasions. It was not until last night that I truly experienced what I consider the full capability of DMT. Although it may not have been the farthest reach one could possibly go on such a complex molecule, it was the farthest I had ever been. I started my day late after a much needed nap. I awoke to find my roommate and two associates in my living room. I had been planning on taking LSD since I had gotten home from work, but my nap had run until about 7:45pm. Regardless I got up, walked straight to the refrigerator and consumed 4 sweet tarts that each contained 1 drop of LSD. I made my way back to the couch, covered myself with a blanket and sat with my eyes closed listening to the people converse around me. A little over an hour had passed, my come up had subsided, and I was finally feeling the beginning of my plateau. The two people my roommate had over had left, and he informed me we would be having a friend of a friend come over to obtain some DMT. At this point I was having a great time on the LSD but due to excessive use, 4 hits was nothing overwhelming in the least bit. I would have much more preferred 2 more hits but I had taken the last of the batch. I want to stress the quality of LSD we have had in our possession is quite possibly in the top tier of LSD floating around in the last few years. I’ve seen many veteran users knocked on their asses and exclaim that they had never had something so intense. Although, we had felt the last batch we had procured was milder than the last. Before our new friend arrived, my roommate and I discussed smoking some DMT. We decided to wait until after he had come and left. Once he arrived we instantly all had a connection and talked about our stand points on psychedelics. My anticipation was too great and I decided I wanted to expand my mind just a little more. Our new friend and I, each took a turn taking a trip. I talked about the small children that I had seen behind my eyes whose abnormally long arms reached towards me as if they were children in a circus fun house mirror. I had almost been angered by the fact these children would not let me see their faces. They would turn their heads ever so slightly or go in the side of my immediate vision, so that I could never see what their faces looked like. I laughed about the fractal carnival I had seen and hoped that in about an hour I could try again. My only goal being that I just wanted to see their damn faces! About an hour passed and everyone was about to leave our house except me. I asked for the pipe to be filled with DMT before my roommate left to pick up his girlfriend. I wanted to have double or even triple the dose that I had been doing before. It turns out the bowl was packed with somewhere between 80-90 milligrams of DMT. My roommate turned to leave, and I anxiously asked him to make it a speedy trip there and back. I realized I would be trying a very high dose, by myself with no distractions, which could possibly become a frightening nightmare. I prided myself in being able to take incredibly large and sometimes possibly unsafe dosages of hallucinogens. I mean after one has insufflated 30mg of 2ce, and then re-dosed 10-20 milligrams repeatedly for a few hours, you think you can just about do anything. I was wrong. I’ve heard of the concept ego death. I thought I understood what complete ego loss was, and that I had experienced it before. I’ve read many stories of people supposedly loosing themselves from levels of psychedelics that I have far surpassed. I wonder why my psyche is so strong. I’m confused on why my brain does not freak out, or put me in a state of mental shock when I’ve done some of the things I had done. I’ve seen people completely freak out, and become so frightened they can’t leave the bathtub for hours at a time. Usually I have done way more of the substance then them as well, and yet despite obvious body loads and side effects, my mind is unscathed. Why haven’t I had a panic buffer recently? I can recall only once that I actually became frightened, and thought that I would never be normal again. That was the first time I had ever tried LSD. I had done 10 hits of liquid dropped onto my tongue and left by myself in house for the whole trip. It’s quite a story which I still years later don’t fully comprehend and probably won’t ever begin to understand. I apologize to the reader for my over-explaining but I want you to have the best understanding of how I work, have worked, and will continue to work in regards to psychedelia. This takes us to the minutes before my experience.
<br>
<br>
I gathered “Kitty”, the weed pipe turned DMT pipe and a bic lighter. I laid down on our most comfortable couch and started the process. All the lights and music in the room had ceased and all that was left was a cliché lava lamp across the living room. I took my eyeglasses off a placed them respectably next to me. I brought the pipe to my lips, lit the lighter, and sucked in. I held my first breath for about 15 seconds blew out and took another. I held the second hit for another 10 seconds and blew out. I scrambled to take the largest hit out of the bunch on my third pull; I closed my eyes and held the smoke. I have no recollection of when I blew out the smoke. I was instantly transported into the circus I had seen one hour ago. But wait… I was moving past these visuals. Quicker and quicker the circus of lights and fractal patterns was becoming more solid. These visuals were compacting, becoming something new. I was no longer in the circus. I was the farthest thing from the circus. There were no children, there were no elves, and there were no bright colors or stunning geometric patterns. There was only me. I realized that everyone was gone. But how do you realize everything is gone when you have no mind to think? No basis of memory, no recollection of language, no primordial instincts, just an empty being. I had nothing in my brain; I had lost everything I had ever known and learned. I had also lost everything that was naturally there which could not be learned. There was nothing. Void of reasoning, void of thoughts, and void of two elements that make life, body and mind. Yet somehow I was able to watch this experience. I would call it something beyond an out of body experience, making it an inner mind experience. Why would I want an out of body experience when I could detach my ego from my brain and completely undo singular creation? (I’ve had out of body experiences before on mushrooms and they were a cakewalk compared to this state I had brought myself to.) By singular creation I mean, one person, a single human being whom was created by something. That something be it god or extraordinary circumstances which brought essential building blocks in the right place at the right time, in the right conditions. I undid all of the architecture that our body and mind was based and created on. I destroyed the blueprint, and went back to when it was only a piece of paper lacking pencil marks or design. I opened my eyes only to realize this wasn’t solely in my mind. There was no distinction between my eyes closed or my eyes opened. I looked down, and I all I saw was these things. What were they? Why were they there? What is anything? What are they called? I had no language. I had no idea what words were. I knew nothing. I stood up quickly and made my way in what I now know is the middle of my living room and realized I was staring at what I now know were my hands. There was nothing there. I was alone in a new world void of everything. My hands were crumbling in what looked like molecules. My physical body was breaking down at a molecular level. I don’t mean this as an analogy; I literally mean that I was standing there, eyes open, watching my body breakdown and come apart. I stood there for what felt like 10 minutes investigating this thing that phenomenon, which made no sense because I understood nothing. I was dead, I was not physically dead, but I lacked anything that could classify me as alive or human. I stood there looking around this ever expansive room, everything looked foreign. Somehow I walked into my kitchen and grabbed the filtered water from the refrigerator. I vaguely remember everything in the fridge was perfectly geometric and lacked any definition of labels or characteristics. Everything just was. I made my way back to the couch and laid there. Slowly over the next hour, language came back to me. I could not talk after about 5 minutes after the trip for I still had not grasped the English language. My mind was racing and kept feeling confused because I would visualize an object and have no idea what it was called or words to describe it. 10 minutes after I came back to this still foreign actual reality, I found the small square in my pocket and frantically tried to recall how to make the small square work. I racked my brain for the thing that the person I lived with had been born with; their name. I remembered! I remember how to make the small square work! I scrolled down to my roommate’s number, and pressed the green button which I now knew meant call. He answered and all I could mutter was oh my god, come home, faster. He said something that I assumed was meant to be comforting but I still wasn’t fully there. I laid back on the couch, put on the Beatles on and tried to remember the essential things about myself. I was mildly in shock, and anticipating the arrival of my roommate so that I could finally explain everything that had just happened. The best term I could muster up when he got home was; molecular destabilization. Imagine molecules vibrating fast enough where they dislodge themselves from their chemical bindings (destabilize), and have the ability to move, melt, and combust. Last night I watched my body destabilize on a molecular level immersed in complete ego death, what did you do?<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 93067</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 23, 2013</td><td>Views: 4,528</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=93067&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=93067&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DMT (18) : Alone (16), Entities / Beings (37), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/clonazepam/">Pharms - Clonazepam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/alprazolam/">Pharms - Alprazolam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br><!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I didn't expect my mind to come back with me. Instead, it was sent back upside down with my senses rewired. I also never could have predicted that one of the most beautiful experiences of my life could also turn out to be the most frightening and embarrassing.
<br>
<br>
For years, I had developed a curiosity towards hallucinogens yet my knowledge was limited. A common question I'm now approached with was whether or not I regret combining DMT and LSD together for my first psychedelic experience. Upon my journey back to our reality, I didn't know the answer to that question and I still remain somewhat unsure. 5 years of marijuana smoke and a year of heavy prescription drug abuse did not mentally prepare me for the unique chemical that I was interested in. The intensity of the experience causes me to wonder if mental preparation for a full DMT breakthrough is even psychologically achievable. Settings and sitters ceased to exist - as did everything from our reality itself.
<br>
<br>
I had hoped it would find its way to me, although I had expected my first ride would be LSD without the dream chemical. Somehow, the powerful yellow powder arrived for experimenting. Before I had a complete breakthrough, I attempted to smoke the evaporating product on 2 separate days with very little success. During my first attempt, a little DMT smoke reached my lungs from a tiny pipe. Instantly, I felt high as a kite and the patterns on the nearby curtains looked as if they were almost dancing. There was an incredible feeling in my spine very similar to narcotic injection and I quickly shouted 'WHAT THE FUCK' out loud. Everyone made sure I was handling everything alright and then the night eventually ended.
<br>
<br>
A few days later, my 2nd attempt proved much more interesting. In a new setting, I successfully experienced 3 mild DMT highs that were all on the edge of the so-called hyperspace. Each smoke was spaced out about an hour a piece and I was loving it each time. After my first hit, I instantly told my sitters that it (psychologically) felt like something was trying to talk to me but I couldn't understand what it was saying. In addition to the typical intense high and spine rush, numerous things started to alter and I'm not sure in what order. All 3 times, I told everyone that the entire world was coated with an orange (almost gold) layer right after the hit. Similar to the curtains, it seemed like patterns and objects were on the verge of dancing. There were mild light visuals and a few things in my vision were slightly shaking. I also mentioned that I felt like I was given 6 extra senses, all of them dedicated specifically to focusing on vibrations. Certain moments during the trips, my body felt so good from my numbness that I couldn't prevent myself from creating positive feelings and emotions in my body - I wanted time processing what I was already experiencing and couldn't keep up. I spoke out saying that it was the most beautiful, intense, wonderful feeling in the world. I described that it felt like having sex with every female in the world at once while having your spinal cord directly injected with every pain killer in the world. All I could do during the strong moments were roll around on my back from side to side, holding my head, breathing heavily, and giggling uncontrollably for several minutes with a highly increased heart rate. I could tell my behavior was ridiculous. All claims about the harsh taste proved to be truthful. DMT itself smells bizarre, you'd recognize the burning scent if you knew it, the plastic taste description is accurate, and I remember my tongue feeling like a piece of metal or as if it were heavily wrapped by an adhesive.
<br>
<br>
Within the first minute of every DMT hit I've ever taken, my mind always tries to psychologically visualize an object that I have yet to ever try to explain in the summaries I've made of my experience. I found it to be rather curious because I couldn't decide if I was actually seeing it, if my mind was forcing me to imagine it in my head, or even if it had any significance at all since it was so simple. The object was basically just a unique type of pillar that seemed to rise up in front of me, emerging from the ground. It was painted orange and several large square black leather patterns going around it every few inches (the top part was black). I had a feeling it was connected with the vibrations but I wasn't sure.
<br>
<br>
Shortly after these attempts, a friend contacted me claiming that he had found some LSD for me to try out. One day before Thanksgiving, we headed down to the house where my first DMT effort took place. 2 of the 3 sitters I had with me were taking acid and all of us were trying DMT. I took 2 blotters of the LSD and waited. I was very calm and expected my trip to be very peaceful. 45 minutes passed and I described to my sitters that I was starting to feel very anxious, although I wasn't a few moments prior to that. I told them that it felt like it was being forced upon me because I wasn't nervous at all - something else was in control of my senses. They told me that it was normal and that it was starting to take effect.
<br>
<br>
The sitter who wasn't on acid then decided to pack a bowl of DMT. Similar to the other times, none of them successfully broke through. The pipe eventually got passed to me and I hit it without hesitation. I took the advice I read online of not letting the flame directly touch the crystals. To my surprise, my hit started going very well. Even more surprising was the fact that I couldn't taste the smoke at all. My only guess is that the acid was toying with my senses. My conscious told me that this was my moment. It was time to be selfish and inhale as hard as I could because I was about to blast off. I took a bong sized hit and held it for a very long time.
<br>
<br>
As soon as I exhaled, I instantly didn't feel right. Like always, I had an unbelievably powerful rushing in my spine going to my brain, the world turned slightly orange, I felt higher than I've ever been in my entire life, the object was in my thoughts again, and I felt intense vibrations. Reality seemed to speed up at an uncomfortable pace. My senses overloaded, my vision felt multiplied, and I could have sworn it felt like I could see a full 360 degrees (which I later described as 'seeing the 3rd dimension from the 4th dimension'). I almost felt like I was hooked up to a machine or possibly becoming a machine. Right before I entered the hyperspace, it randomly felt like I lived an entire lifetime in a split second.
<br>
<br>
After about a minute, the wall behind my sitters slowly and silently started melting away. Behind it was simply an opening to outer space. I could see blackness, stars, and planets. As soon as the wall was fully gone, a shapeless multicolored entity of light shot out, went in between my sitters, touched the top of my head, lifted me up, and blasted me forward into the wall at an insane speed. I told myself that this entity knew I had this drug in my body. From now until the end of the DMT trip, it felt like I was dying millions of times per second. It was like I could feel every single particle of my body vanishing one by one, being pulled forward into another place.
<br>
<br>
Eventually I entered a void. I don't know how I knew this but I could just feel that, in this place, time did not exist and neither did I. I became a conscious thought without the feeling of a body. It was a pure identity loss and felt exactly like a near death experience I went through when I was 10 years old (I was literally hours away from death and blacking out). I didn't know who I was. I was a simple thought, thinking to myself 'I'm just a thought. Floating here. Doing nothing. Just a thought. That's it. Nothing else.' There were a few short moments when I actually did have my identity and I was desperately trying to float back to my body but I couldn't reach it. I didn't know if I would ever get back to my body and it was terrifying. I also remember, for a brief moment, floating in the air and watching my sitters stare at my body. I could see their souls and they looked exactly like the entity that took me away - multicolored shapeless lights.
<br>
<br>
When my trip in the void ended, I entered another body in another reality. I don't know what it was, where it was, or what I was - but, apparently, I was shouting about aliens and alien worlds during my experience. I was standing on the balcony of a very tall building. Around me were more floating entities of light and even taller buildings with impossible complexity. In front of me was a very large monitor screen that had nothing but just a few small strange symbols on it. This world has extremely beautiful, futuristic, high tech, and probably extra dimensional. The entities paid no attention to me. They could tell that they were causing me overwhelming fear but they didn't care and they might have even been enjoying it.
<br>
<br>
The most interesting part of my trip was how I felt in this reality. My sitters told me that I described to them that I felt like I had 8 billion senses in my body and it was the single most uncomfortable thing I had ever felt. I had normal human senses that were multiplied and billions of other functions going on in my body that were impossible to describe. It was so powerful that I felt like I was being beaten down to the ground like a pancake. Words cannot begin to explain how uncomfortable it was. It wasn't physically or emotionally painful - it was like being experimented on in a hospital with dozens of wires going into your veins with each of them having their own unique drug or function. I wanted it to stop and I wanted to go back to my own world. The fear I felt had no mercy or limits. It was like human fear could be extracted as a chemical and injected into me. I never could have imagined that being in another reality could feel this much different than my own.
<br>
<br>
The trip started to wear off, I blasted back to my body, and I took the disturbing levels of fear with me. I panicked and started shouting to my sitters that 'they're real. I felt it. I was there. Aliens.' It was more terrifying than my near death experience. I was making a complete and utter fool of myself. My main sitter asked me 'do you realize how badly you're repeating yourself?', which I didn't. When he asked me, I felt embarrassed beyond belief. As soon as the embarrassment hit me, it made me realize that I was tripping my balls off and that I needed to calm down... but I couldn't. I tried describing everything to them but I was delusional from the trip, the acid was in full effect, and the parents of the house heard me. I wasn't making any sense at all. At one point, I asked someone to hold my hand then begged them to hug me several times. I was almost in tears from the fear. My sitter told me that my hand was ice cold when he held it. For 2 weeks after the trip, I actually thought I had exhaled and automatically went into panic mode... but I was wrong. My sitter told me that I was peacefully disconnected from my body for 5 minutes - I had no memory of this at all and it shocked me to learn it. He said that I tried to speak and describe what I was seeing but would trail off half way through a sentence and blank out.
<br>
<br>
One of the sitters got worried about how loud I was being and told us that we had to go somewhere else because of his family. The one sitter who wasn't on acid drove us to another guys house and we tripped in his basement. The power of the DMT trip made my acid trip insignificant and barely even worth talking about. It was similar to a marijuana high - just a lot more strong and a lot more wavey. I kept asking where I was, I kept apologizing, and I kept asking if anyone was mad at me. I was a complete and utter wreck. I was annoying, I was focusing all the attention on myself, and I kept talking about personal things that was making everyone uncomfortable.
<br>
<br>
I remember that I felt like I was dying every so often. I would be talking, blank out, and come back feeling like a completely different person. We listened to music, stared at scenery in a video game, smoked some weed, and watched some television. Someone put on Pink Floyd - I later described that it felt like the music was bouncing around the room and that I had to turn my head to follow it. My most interesting visuals was while we were watching South Park: the characters bodies were rapidly changing shape and color. I tried playing a puzzle game on Xbox but everything was warping too much and I was tripping too hard so I gave up.
<br>
<br>
I hated the acid trip and I couldn't wait for it to end. What made it worse was that it felt like the trip would end at times then come back in full blast. I tried to calm myself down and shut myself up but failed most of the time. I've never felt so guilty in my life - I know for a fact that I was ruining my sitters trips but I just couldn't control myself. One of them came over and tried to peacefully talk me into a calm mood but got frustrated and gave up. At one point, it felt like I had psychosis for about a minute or two. The only way to describe it was that my brain felt scrambled, in pain, and my thoughts and senses couldn't be controlled. I collapsed on the floor during this period and crawled around almost in tears. When it wore off, I felt extreme hatred for myself and had a breakdown. I apologized to my sitters for how I am in life, I apologized for being a burden with my health problems, and spoke of suicide. I handed over my knife to a sitter and told him to get it the fuck away from me because I would have killed myself if he hadn't. When I was speaking of suicide, another sitter said I was starting to make him think that way and I stopped myself, walked over to the bed, and curled up in a ball for about an hour to give everyone a break from me. I trembled, hid my face, and occasionally cried to myself. Despite how terrible I was acting, everyone was very polite and tried their hardest to help me through it.
<br>
<br>
After about 7-8 hours, the acid started to wear off and it was time to split. Someone gave me a klonopin hoping it would relax me. I begged my friend 'please don't leave me alone tonight' and he said I could spend the night at his house. During the drive home, the sky was rapidly changing colors as I tried to describe my DMT experience more thoroughly. Upon arriving home, I was offered to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I was warned that it was extremely difficult to sleep after taking acid. My mind was racing like crazy, I felt fascinated by everything I laid my eyes on, and I was having closed eye visuals of random color blobs. Someone at the house offered me a xanax which, to my surprise, knocked me out for a very long time.
<br>
<br>
For a few days after the trip, reality seemed very different to me. It was as if I was experiencing everything for the first time again - I had the mind state of a child. I felt scared by everything I had to do and I wasn't even sure why. The next time I saw my other 2 sitters, I made a very deep apology to them because I had never felt such guilt, embarrassment, and shame in my entire life. For months, I told myself that I never wanted to take psychedelics again. Yet, after a very positive experience with shrooms, I am curious about smoking more DMT. A majority of my life, I have been very dedicated to Atheism and Skepticism. DMT took all of my beliefs and instantly threw them out the window in a matter of seconds - it made me feel more alone than ever. As of now, I refuse to label my beliefs because I'm too confused. I don't know what I believe anymore but the chemical proved to me that alternate realities do exist and I was wrong for ever having made up my mind and being so stubborn about it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 95442</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 25</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 23, 2013</td><td>Views: 5,106</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=95442&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=95442&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DMT (18) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">180 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This is more of a short story than a trip report. The reason I have spent so much time in documenting this experience is simply because it was mystical, and I don’t find that too often. Let me start off with some background on myself. Acid was the first drug I ever experienced &amp; I consider myself a fairly experienced tripper having tripped dozens and dozens of times. I was introduced to MDMA much later in my life. MDMA is my comfort zone. I feel like I know that chemical better than I know myself sometimes. Many moons ago, I candyflipped on a whim. I ate 1 hit &amp; a pressie at the same time at some party. Since I really can’t remember that experience too well other than it was fun, I really don’t feel that I had <i>truly</i> candyflipped until yesterday.
<br>
<br>
Since 1999 I simply had not been able to find any acid. Last week I ate 2 doses during the day to get a feel for the material again, and felt quite comfortable with the dose and the substance. It was definitely acid. I definitely have clean delicious Molly at the house. Let’s <i>really</i> candyflip!
<br>
<br>
So around 6:45 on 9 Sept 2011, I went ahead and ate 3 hits of some clean LSD. I don’t know a brand name, but they were red blotters with a black print of a skeleton in a top hat riding a bicycle. After dosing, I hopped in my friend’s car and we went a ride to wait for the acid to come up. We grabbed my friend some coffee and picked up another friend then wound up walking around in the woods for about 25 minutes. Sparkles and energy. I felt like I was a kid again, playing around in the woods. At this point, I also felt very sketchy. The way acid always is for me as it is coming on. It was still hot and getting dark and my acid was really starting to take effect so we decided to leave. We drove around for another 30 minutes or so and at 9:00 we all returned to my house. Having planned to candyflip from the beginning, I knew that it was time to dose the MDMA, so I went ahead and gulped down .18 of some top quality Molly dissolved in some filtered water. Yay! Now the fun really begins. I found an amazing Ragga-Jungle set which we all listened to as we took turns playing Mario Bros 3 and Little Nemo the Dreammaster. At about 9:40 the acid was really starting to take over. Visuals! The way I remember from when I was a kid! I was wearing Kaleidoscope Sunglasses and loving every second of it. Little geometric shapes changing color &amp; shape everywhere I looked. I smiled. With my Molly starting to kick in I started to feel bad for having 2 sober friends watch me in such a state of bliss, so I gave each one of them .12 as well. Back to video games &amp; music, let’s all have a great night.
<br>
<br>
BOOM! Sudden darkness and loss of sound! It was just the breaker flipping which is not an uncommon occurrence in my house, but wow! I am tripping balls now! The visuals have overtaken my entire field of vision and I had never experienced anything quite so beautiful yet overwhelming. I really don’t want to go to the garage. I did anyway, and it was not anywhere as bad as I thought it would be. Usually it’s all in your head right? When I came back from the garage, my friends had the great idea to go to Walmart and get some supplies. It must have been around 10:30 when we headed out. On the way to the store, I was spacing off, enjoying the nice little show that acid was giving me, when I entered another plane of existence. I saw a man on a bicycle riding next to us as we drove down the road. He was there, he tipped his hat to me, and then he was gone. I asked my friends if they had seen him, and they both giggled at how hard I was tripping.
<br>
<br>
WOW! Ok...am I going to be ok going into Walmart? Where is my battle-gear? I have made a habit of donning ‘battle-gear’ such as a hat, or sunglasses, or hoodie, etc. when leaving the house under the influence of Molly. Molly makes me feel so vulnerable, &amp; I feel if I have something else on to protect me I am safer. Unfortunately, I had none of these with me. I think this is where I started to peak. After a few minutes of convincing me that everyone else at Walmart is just as fucked up as I am &amp; that I don’t need to sit in the car, we went inside. We were specifically looking for animal headbands, such as the ones girls wear to top off Halloween costumes, but had no luck. Their Halloween section was not yet unloaded from the palette in the back. We did find an awesome plastic walking stick and a safari hat though. The walking stick gave me a sense of ‘battle-gear’ so I carried it around the store to ward off any bad juju. After walking around for a good 25 minutes, we realized that everything that Walmart sells is crap, and there was nothing in the store worth buying, so time to go back to the house.
<br>
<br>
On the way out the door, I realized that I could sense auras. <i>Really sense auras!</i> Just as plain as it is to smell frying bacon, I could sense auras! WTF? I always knew good/bad energy auras existed, but to be able to feel them this clearly was quite odd for me. Everything just made sense to me, <i>everything</i>. I could see deeper than I have ever been able to see before. I described this state as ‘Chilling with the Gods.’ I really felt I was on their level. This is what the Gods endure to be able to know everything that they do.
<br>
<br>
Feeling super deep &amp; trying to be helpful, I told one of my friends that I was worried about her energy. I think she holds onto bad stuff too much and for too long. She asked me how to fix it &amp; I told her that it’s easy. Just live life to be happy and be accepting with everything that happens to you. I’m afraid she either didn’t understand, or just simply didn’t get it. As we are walking back to the car, she is cussing the guy, long gone by now, who made her park 2 spaces further from the store entrance... Okay time to head back to the house.
<br>
<br>
I hop in the car and get a weird vibe from the car. Can items without a soul, such as a car, still have auras? Yes they can. The car made me feel unsafe and sketchy. I mentioned this to the driver, and she did the worst thing she could. Now I don’t blame her for anything; she is not an experienced psychonaut and who woulda thunk that agreeing with someone would send them into a panic? She said that the car had been in multiple accidents and she could feel a bad energy off of it as well. I immediately needed to get out of the car. <i>NOW!!!</i> Something horrible is going to happen! <i>Let me out!</i> They both calmed me down but the energy of the car would not go away. In a 15 minute road trip, I had 3 panic sessions. I was never more relieved to pull up to my house.
<br>
<br>
Okay. I need to calm down &amp; chill out but my room is so damn hot. I laid there trying to relax, but only felt stress &amp; panic. To take my mind off of the bad vibes, I danced to some beautiful dnb for 5 minutes, and realized that I needed to move. I need to <i>run</i>! “Let’s go, who’s down?” My more chill friend decided she would keep me company. I threw my shoes on and right out the door I started jogging. It was a quick jog, but not too quick. We ran about half a mile up the road &amp; my friend needed to catch her breath. I could have kept that pace forever. I felt like I was flying. Walking back to the house we talked and I realized that the friend with the bad energy may have been throwing off my trip. She had only done acid once, and probably didn’t do it right, and didn’t know what she needed to do to keep my trip smooth. <i>Boo!!!</i> I really like my friend but she is foxin' my trip all up! How do you tell someone that is rolling with you to go away?
<br>
<br>
Well we all decided to go walk around the golf course. I told my friend that I was tripping nuts and not to take offense, but for some reason I felt that her presence was messing my head all up. She took it well and walked off. I immediately became more relaxed. We all frolicked under the full-ish moon, drawing designs in sand pits and exploring the fairways. I lay down on the dew covered grass to watch the clouds. Rainbows filled the sky and the clouds were amazing. I saw Pluto from Disney movies, who wagged his tail when I said ‘hi.’ I also saw Superman, who flexed his muscles when I recognized him. This is amazing. I am surely on another plane of existence. Am I dying? It sure feels like I am dying. Nope. It’s ok, shake it off. Let’s walk around some more. We ran across a water fountain and drank the coldest yummiest water I have ever had in my life. I was having a great time but I could not get the concept of death off of my mind. Recently I have been having some uncomfortable issues with my health. The doctors don’t know what is wrong, but my liver hurts often and my back always hurts and I keep getting sick. I tried to talk to my friends about dying. Maybe I need to talk it out to get over this? Maybe I need to realize that I am not dying right now, although the right side of my body is numb and it feels like my neck is going to burst. Okay self, you are in good health, right? MDMA doesn’t kill people, neither does LSD. But then again, I am walking around with Zeus and Buddha right now; so if I were to die, that would only be fitting, right? <i>Oh my!</i>
<br>
<br>
We wrapped up at the golf course about 12:15ish. At this point I was still very edgy. Hopefully my room had cooled off and I could lay there in bed and just be comfy. I wasn’t so lucky. We sat outside in the 63 degree weather on the porch swing smoking a few cigarettes. When will my room cool off? My friend with the energy issue decided she was going to leave. She said she was going to go home, but I don’t believe her, I think she was going to go find a boy she could cuddle up next to. Whatever, she left and I felt immediately relaxed. I decided to DJ for a while and recorded a pretty nice mix. I felt extra in-tune with my music &amp; my mixer &amp; my laptop. Most of my mixes were spot on, but 30 to 40 minutes into the set I started to lose some of the magic I had at the beginning of the set. By 1:30 AM I was definitely coming down off of my peak.
<br>
<br>
<i>Thank god!</i> I could not have stayed there too much longer. I am no deity and can only hang with them in short doses. I still was experiencing full visuals and rolling pretty hard but I was no longer having a spiritual experience. Auras had disappeared while I was playing music (boo) and thinking about deep stuff just seemed too taxing and almost boring. An hour ago, I had just figured out life completely, why rehash things? After recording my set I focused my attention on enjoying the company of my remaining friend. We cuddled and rubbed backs and enjoyed my incredibly comfy bed. She nodded off here &amp; there but I stayed awake to really immerse myself in the coziness, I really didn’t have much of a choice in the matter anyway. Soon enough the sun was coming up; and I was ready to have some reflection time. I drove my friend home, thanked her for saving my life, and came back to the house and started to write this.
<br>
<br>
Candyflipping was intense. It was incredibly worth it but intense. I was very susceptible to other people’s moods and feelings, exponentially more so than on just acid! The trip was still pretty head-fucky, but way less edgy. I was more mellow than with straight acid. Acid almost feels like I am sticking my head in a deep fryer, and the molly makes it more of a ‘seared on the flattop.’ Looking back, I can advise anyone who wants to try this to be very careful in whom you have around. I can also say that 3 hits of acid &amp; .18 of Mols may have been a little too much for this guy. I don’t think I will do this dose again, or at least not for a <i>very</i> long time. I chilled with the Gods long enough last night to keep me enlightened for at least the next decade.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 92820</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 29</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 24, 2013</td><td>Views: 4,829</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=92820&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=92820&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Combinations (3), Mystical Experiences (9), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/4_acetoxy_dipt/">4-AcO-DiPT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">30 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dmt/">DMT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(freebase)</b></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">100 lb</td>
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The following is my account of one of the most out of the ordinary DMT experiences I've had (this time the DMT happened to be smoked on top of LSD and 4-AcO-DMT). This is one of the only experiences where I actually kept my eyes open for the beginning of it (well, mostly my eyes were open just so I could have more DMT, but during this time, I was so fascinated by what I saw that I just decided to explore a bit). It is noteworthy to state that I rarely EVER get open eye visuals on psychedelics-- sometimes even on DMT I don't get them. I get them a little more often than I used to nowadays, but still not as much as some seem to.
<br>
<br>
I went over to my trusted friend's house to stay the night (I don't see this friend often because she lives about 2 hours away from me, but we are good friends, colleagues and have many mutual interests in the realm of psychedelia). I had expected that we would probably have plenty of interesting substances on hand for the evening, but we hadn't really discussed how we planned on the night panning out. We had decided to just play it by ear.
<br>
<br>
Shortly after I got there, she told me that she had just acquired some new LSD (and she always has DMT), and that we could have some of both. She asked me what I had brought. I had brought some DMT of my own, and additionally some 4-AcO-DiPT (which she then told me that she had never tried before). So we got started and each had some LSD. I had just one hit, as I am pretty receptive to the effects of psychedelics at relatively low doses. For an hour or two, we just talked about our lives, she read me some of her most recent written accounts of her own psychedelic experiences, and we worked on artwork (a collaborative piece) with my friend. I was pleased that our styles went together rather well, and the LSD seemed very strong and clean.
<br>
<br>
About two hours after we had dropped the acid, we decided to leave off on the artwork and take our 4-AcO-DiPT. After taking our 10mg capsules, we went to her room and laid in bed just talking and trancing out. I could feel the effects of the newest tryptamine within only 20 minutes. Its empathogenic effects helped us to open up a lot to one another about the things that had been going on in our lives, difficulties that we had been experiencing in various departments, our insecurities about ourselves and others, and also our immense appreciation for one another, our other good friends and everything else we were blessed to have in our lives. We both cried and laughed together and it was very therapeutic for both of us.
<br>
<br>
After about 45 minutes to an hour as I was still coming up on the 4-AcO-DiPT, I decided to have some DMT with my friend (she would have hers after I was done with my session), so I used my newly made 'Machine' device to do so. I loaded up the pipe, meditated quietly for a few minutes and then took two big hits, surprisingly using up all that was in there. After that, I added more DMT to the pipe so that I could have a bit more. As I did so, I was forced to look at the photo album that the pile of DMT was on top of. I found myself looking at some embossed fractalized patterns on the photo album. They were static, so I looked at them more closely so as to discern whether or not they were a hallucination, or actually part of the photo album. I ran my fingers over the album only to actually *feel* the embossment, so I concluded somewhere in my working mind that the fractals were actually part of the design of the photo album. Not too far off, right?
<br>
<br>
As I tried to light the third hit of DMT, my spatial sense was so off that it took a lot of effort to figure out where to hold the lighter. It didn't help my efforts that my eyes were darting around as if I were in REM sleep mode. I looked around the room as I managed to take 2 more generous-sized hits, and noticed that the room had turned into some sort of candy factory-like territory. Every piece of furniture and object in the room was static, intact and took on the exact same shape and form as it normally would, BUT each thing had its own special pattern that did not overlap with the patterns of other objects! For instance, my friend's walls (which were usually just plain white) were wallpapered in lime green and pink stripes. The plain wooden dresser was bright blue with bright pink flowers and teddy bears. I think that another piece of furniture had painted colorful candy canes on it. I was and still am simply amazed that everything in the room could look exactly the same and be static; unmoving, yet literally look like it was painted and wallpapered completely differently. It was so realistic and felt like a dimension warp or something.
<br>
<br>
After I closed my eyes, needless to say, things became even more interesting. The place I was taken to also reminded me of a candy factory or playroom; themes from childhood were constantly present. There was a rotating gear, a sort of mandala that dominated my vision in the center of a colorful, tasty room. The gears/sections of the mandala were rhythmically changing and transforming systematically like the second hand of a clock. Every second or so (or however much time that really was), a section of it would develop into something else, and so on. Everything I saw from that point on was so incredibly detailed and rhythmic. I felt like I was a little kid in an interactive, virtual reality candy shop; this space was very synesthetic and even tasted like candy. I can't remember completely, looking back, exactly what was going on as far as details go, but this experience was so whimsical, colorful and amazing. As I returned back to reality and slowly regained remembrance of who I was, where I was and what I was doing, I laughed in astonishment.
<br>
<br>
After I came down from the DMT, I felt so refreshed and still very psychedelic as I still had the rest of the LSD and 4-AcO-DiPT trip ahead of me! I looked at the photo album and realized that those fractals hadn't actually been there; they had been a visual and tactile hallucination. I was astonished at this because I've never experienced something like that before (a hallucination by two senses that coincided), and like I said I rarely ever get open eye visuals at all, let alone ones as bizarre and real as these.
<br>
<br>
The rest of the experience consisted of talking more with my friend, dancing to some good music and finishing our artwork.
<br>
<br>
As a whole, this experience was really beautiful and well-rounded. It invoked my creativity, opened me up emotionally (I had many heartfelt moments with my friend), and opened my eyes to new tryptamine dimensions that I had never before seen. I forgot to mention that I was smoking bowls of cannabis throughout the entire experience. I have done this combination a couple of times since, and I must say that it is one of my favorite 'psychedelic cocktails' of all time.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 99864</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 22</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 27, 2013</td><td>Views: 5,925</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=99864&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=99864&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 4-AcO-DiPT (55), DMT (18) : General (1), Relationships (44), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td>
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</table>
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I've taken LSD hundreds of times but the one experience that stands out and that I will cherish for the rest of my life was one of the last times, about eight years ago. I went with my father for a weekend trip to a small village in western England (I'm American) called Ludlow, where there are three restaurants that have received Michelin star ratings and are considered among the best in Britain. My dad is a diehard foodie and invited me along to hit this culinary mecca out in the middle of nowhere.
<br>
<br>
It was a seven hour drive from London through tiny towns that didn't appear on maps and where the locals' accents were so thick they hardly sounded like English at all. We finally arrived and found our hotel -- a great little place that had been an inn since the 1600's. We settled in and discovered that they were filming a movie in the street right in front of the hotel, and Rupert Everett and Kathy Bates, who were both in the film, were staying there! (The film is called Unconditional Love. It's okay.) We went to dinner at the first restaurant, then turned in around midnight, exhausted from jet lag, a day of driving, and some really good wine.
<br>
<br>
I awoke before dawn, my sleep pattern a mess, and went out to explore the village. I found a little shop open where I bought some rolling papers and a 'Walker's Guide to Ludlow.' It was March and a bit chilly but as I sat in the courtyard of the inn drinking coffee and looking over my new book the sun began to rise on what promised to be a beautiful day. I had brought along some weed and three hits of strong liquid, dropped onto a business card tucked away in my wallet. I rolled a few joints and wrote a note to my still-sleeping father saying I'd be back by mid-afternoon.
<br>
<br>
Ludlow is surrounded by hills with a couple that are quite high. I started strolling through the town, seeing shops opening, schoolchildren walking, housewives chatting, and farmers feeding their sheep. It was such an incredibly quaint place; you could tell that life in Ludlow hadn't changed much in centuries. I began to feel really good (still completely sober), smiling and saying 'good morning' to everyone I passed, glad to be on vacation, up early on a gorgeous day, and simply being <i>alive</i>! Consulting the map in my new book, I selected a route that led out of town and toward the tallest of the surrounding hills. At the edge of Ludlow, I stopped at another store and bought two large bottles of water and munched my business card.
<br>
<br>
As the sun rose in the sky, I rose on the hill. I had my Discman blasting the Smashing Pumpkins' 'Machina' disc, which had just come out, and it fit my mood perfectly. I still think of that day when I hear any song on that album.
<br>
<br>
Anyway, as the acid took hold, I was hiking along a trail that zig-zagged up the hill. The sun beat down gloriously and the wind raged all around me, making the hillside a swaying mosaic of tall grass and trees. I began to think about my life and my plans for the future. I had been through a rough couple of years and had kicked a heavy cocaine and heroin habit just a couple of months before. As I walked, I became overwhelmed with confidence that I could stay clean and continue to improve my life and my mind raced with plans of the possibilities my future held. I thought of the various relationships in my life -- family, friends, co-workers, and began to realize how much I loved everyone, and, more importantly, how much I loved <i>myself</i>.
<br>
<br>
The hill was very high and steep in places. At times the strenuous climb left me pleasantly out of breath and I stopped often to smoke weed and look down on the village spread out on the valley floor below me. Never before had I felt so exhilarated, happy and alive. More than once I was reduced to tears, absolutely blown away by the beauty of the world. The acid was magnificent and enhanced perfectly the rollicking riot of color and beauty surrounding me. At one point I heard a deafening roar coming from the sky. I looked up just in time to see a fighter jet zoom right over me. Later, I learned that there was a US Army base nearby.
<br>
<br>
About halfway up the hill, I passed an elderly couple walking in the opposite direction. They were holding hands and they seemed so happy, I very nearly started crying again as we exchanged pleasantries and observations of the day's loveliness. They seemed quite unfazed at the appearance of a weepy and wild-eyed young American on the hillside they apparently had lived on for many years. There were tiny clusters of houses here and there on that hill and I wished I could live there too. I wondered how anyone could live in such a beautiful place; it was too much to imagine.
<br>
<br>
It took me four hours to reach the summit. At the hill's peak, I had already passed the peak of my trip and had entered the phase of heavy visual distortion. As I stood atop the hill, I looked down on the other side and saw another village lying in the floor of another valley, like jewels glistening in the relentless sun. Then, I noticed that that side of the hill was covered with a purplish stuff that I couldn't quite identify. The acid made it hard for me to focus on the stuff, so I went down a bit to get close enough to see it better. It turned out to be a seemingly-endless slope of wild rosebushes: tangled thatches of thorns and vines topped with brilliant purple roses, as far as the eye could see!
<br>
<br>
I turned around and headed back to Ludlow, dirty, deleriously exhilarated and joyfully exhausted. Gravity sped my return journey and I was back in town in less that two hours. I walked through the streets of the tiny village as people were bustling through the shops and everything buzzed with energy. I found a pub and sat outside with a pint of Bass, reflecting on the incredible experience I'd just had.
<br>
<br>
I realized then that I had just experienced a turning point in my life and that in some small way, that day had changed me forever. The sun had given way to clouds, and large drops of rain began to fall as I made my way back to the inn and a hot bath, before meeting my father for another magnificent meal at a world-class, yet humble, restaurant called Mr. Underwood's.
<br>
<br>
Mr. Underwood was a 19-year old, enormous cat that belonged to the proprietors and he sat at my feet as we ate dinner, the only diners in the place.
<br>
<br>
That was one of the best days of my life.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2000</td><td width="90">ExpID: 71689</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 1, 2013</td><td>Views: 3,567</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=71689&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=71689&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr>
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</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It was a pretty groovy summer evening some time in July or June or something. Might even have been May actually, in fact I'd go as far as to say April. These are minor details, what's important is the substance of this story, not the date. What followed was possibly the purest acid experience of my life. Well, that's not technically true, the purest psychedelic experience. I used Acid, had a bit of a drink and munched on some MDMA, and not ecstasy pills either, some good, really pure crystalline MDMA; all purpley blacky greyish and lovely with some nice big crystals, lovely except of course for the eating of them which caused the most amusing facial expressions and ghastly tastes. But anyhow, onwards and upwards...
<br>
<br>
I'd visited a friend at the university he attends with the sole intention of getting mashed up together, we both share a love for good music and mind altering substances. We met up with a couple of guys he knew who were like minded chaps and who I subsequently became acquainted with, and they too came on our magic carpet ride, one by one of course. It must've been some time after dinner time, although dinner was neglected in favour of a little bit of MDMA, and not long after 7:30 I popped a tab of some of the nicest acid I'd ever have. Within half an hour we'd all eaten some blotter and began our march to the safe tripping pad through the wilderness of south east England with strict, strict instructions to 'not f*ck it up'. I noticed it not too long after, but at first I wasn't sure if it was the MDMA. A group of non-existent fireflyesque cricket type things hopping across the path we were on and this was the first inkling I had of something more profoundly psychedelic than Europe's favourite party drug was coursing through my nervous system. And the enormity and loudness of a train rushing past, all dark in the night with glaring bright windows staring out at us emphasized the point. We stood transfixed, the noise seemed deafening but I didn't mind, the lights all seemed very bright and blurring into one long streak of pallid yellow light as it roared past, then it was just gone into the night.
<br>
<br>
It wasn't too long after this that we found ourselves at the house, which looked as though a bomb had hit it. Matey boy who's absent parents owned the place had spent some time emphasising to 'just don't f*ck it up, please'. This caused crippling laughter. The kind that's got tears and the risk of pissed pants, but somehow we barely got it together. It was a hole, but it was a great venue. Finding things this funny on acid is one of the things I have subsequently enjoyed the most in fact. What followed was the world's worst attempt to play Playstation games ever, I was too transfixed by the screens pulsing and colours to really do anything useful, and I was grinning from ear to ear by now and certainly incapable of attempting to play FIFA soccer. I felt really connected with everyone in the room though so didn't mind much, and just so chilled out and relaxed, I felt very magic and decided to sit back and relax for a while and shut my eyes. I wasn't conscious of what was going on but somebody put a Manu Chao CD on and I'd never had music make me feel that way before, it just even more relaxed beyond anything I'd experienced, I couldn't help but move about (albeit in a sprawled mess on a sofa) to it, and the first really heavy visual hallucinations kicked in not long after.
<br>
<br>
I'll never forget the moment I opened my eyes to see the lampshades pulsing and shifting, and the ceiling around them rippling like the waves on an ocean, and the light was every colour at once somehow, it's hard to explain, and all through the night we were trying to convey these sorts of thoughts and impressions to each other, and every time the discussion ended with 'that'll be the acid.' I'm always able to crack a smile thinking about that. See, acid changes you to an extent, I can remember that first trip clear as day. And Whenever I'm blue 'that'll be the acid' is always there for me. After a while my friend who was considering double dropping came up on it properly too, and agreed with me that it was totally surplus to requirement. We'd have been 'off our nuts' as they say. The four of us lay there monging on the sofa to the Beatles, Pink Floyd, The Stones etc, and the music felt so profound. The visual hallucinations were so strong and vivid, and exploring the house was so ace. I felt compelled to ask the guy who lived there if he knew the shower was missing (he did, obviously) but to me it looked as if it'd that moment been stolen. And that there was a painting painted right onto the wall which I also decided to check if it was real, it shifted in an amazing way, two hands sort of rubbing each other and caressing in an endless colourful waltz. Speaking of walls, that was the first time I've cuddled a wall. It felt as if it was breathing under me, and as if it was there for me. It also felt as if I leaned hard enough it'd fall over, so I didn't, it was a good wall with some very interesting things going on with the pattern on the wall paper. One of the things that persisted after the illusion of 'coming down' set in, because we were nowhere near down.
<br>
<br>
There was a dark moment however. On the way there I'd got too hot for my coat and decided to carry it, and at some point I was convinced I'd left it somewhere on the way, and was preparing to venture into a strange town with a head full of acid to retrieve my beloved coat. Luckily after I'd put my boots on, along with my missing coat, we all realised it wasn't very missing after all and had a good chuckle. Listening to music and exploring a strange (albeit completely normal) house on acid was really fun, and I felt a great sense of connection with my fellow trippers throughout. And there were moments of calm where thoughts about the inner workings of reality came to me at will. There were moments where we thought we were coming off of it and one of us would realise for all three that 'we're still on acid mate.'. But we walked home around sunrise, which was really, truly beautiful. Colours and sounds were so vivid and strong, everything sounded much closer than it was, and 'normal humans' caused a mix of paranoia and 'haha they have no idea'. Oddly, we'd all come to the concurrences that cats knew. Which is obviously not true, but seemed completely logical at the time, somehow. But the world seemed so peaceful that morning, it usually is, but it seemed ever so profound and important then. Bushes and grass shifting shades of green and blue, the sky tinged with pink at the cloudy bits, and a realisation that we were all so very, very small in the scheme of it all.
<br>
<br>
It lasted a good long time, and sprawled out on a sofa-bed under a blanket I came slowly, softly down from the trip watching the clouds writhe, pulse and change colour through a patio door while the sofa across from me wobbled around like a belly dancer. I was struck with an enormous sense of well being and a complete sense of Acid being far superior to anything else I'd taken prior to that night. I bonded with a close friend in a way we'll never forget, finally got what 'Dark side of the Moon' *really* meant, and experienced the crescendo in 'A Day in the Life' last for what felt like about five solid minutes. I've tripped plenty since, but that's still a firm favourite.
<br>
<br>
You should decide for yourself to do it or not, but read up on it, find out what you're getting into and treat it with respect if you do, and I'm sure you'll have a beautiful time.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 68018</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 14, 2013</td><td>Views: 4,705</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=68018&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=68018&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 19:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 23:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">135 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
For my first psychedelic/hallucinogenic experience of any kind, a couple friends and I organized a camping trip in rural Wisconsin and acquired some lysergic acid in tab form. I was excited in anticipation of the trip by the print of the Hindu goddess Shiva, hoping we would become acquainted soon. I couldn't verify the dose on each tab. We began smoking cannabis around 11am, pretty much continuously until we reached the campsite. After setting up camp, we dropped the tabs around 5pm and started a fire.
<br>
<br>
Feeling almost buzzed from the anticipation, I smoked a bowl of cannabis (approx. .3 grams) and began making myself a s'more on the fire. The fire was particularly pleasing to me, sporting what occurred to me, astoundingly, to be an intrinsic glow rather than a reflection of other light. While obvious, this seemed profoundly significant to me, so much so that I could only react with giddy, almost manic, laughter. It was about an hour after we took the acid that I knew I was fully tripping when I dropped a marshmallow onto the fire and it began to bubble and take the shape of a gargoyle-esque demon, though not a menacing one. I thought I would attempt to communicate with it but in seconds the ephemeral spirit decomposed into a lifeless, charred mass. I stood up, noticing then that the ground was moving away from my feet at the same rate that my eye level was elevating. Walking around, I was filled with astonishment and more of the giddy/bubbly feeling as well as a sensation throughout my body of being somehow electronic. Accompanied by a very mildly unpleasant (mostly due to unfamiliarity) numbness of the face and teeth, the idea that I was a human battery emitting electrical signals into the atmosphere permeated the subsequent hours of the trip.
<br>
<br>
Approximately two hours into the trip, I was bombarded with brief specific hallucinations such as trees appearing as knives carving up the sky, small gnomes/sprites conducting a turf war over a grassy field, and the walls of the tent inflating and deflating rhythmically. Throughout the experience, light was heavily distorted and cast a lively quality over any object it touched. Additionally, distance and depth were in constant flux, as if geographic boundaries were only as strict as my imagination keeping them in their predictable places. My perception of time went out the window fairly quickly; the first 3 hours seeming like an eternity while the next 4 vanished in an instant. There was a window of maybe 45 minutes whereupon staring into the night sky produced a kaleidoscopic effect with simple geometric figures blooming from a central point of focus in an array of vibrant colors. Conversation, while stimulating, was difficult to follow, mostly consisting of updates on each other's trip. At some point in the evening, likely around midnight, my friend performed a light show to a dubstep song using gloves with attached lightbulbs on the fingertips- an experience would describe in one word, amazing. I could trace the paths of the moving lights and see the patterns that remained. Before bed, we each smoked a cannabis joint and listened to psychedelic rock music, a combination that relaxed me and eliminated the undesirable 'edge' of the facial sensation described above.
<br>
<br>
I awoke the next day at 10am feeling unusually refreshed and alert. Reeling in satisfaction from the previous night's experience, I couldn't wait to repeat it. So, being a) thoroughly uneducated about the drug and b) an ignorant adolescent out for immediate gratification, I took another tab at 12pm. As one who knows anything about acid more than I did at the time, the tab had no noticeable effect since the dose from the night before caused a spike in my tolerance temporarily. Frustrated, I took two more tabs at 3pm. The only notable impact of the 3 tabs that day was a fairly undesirable feeling that my head had been scoured out with steel wool and found difficulty generating thoughts beyond simple responses to immediate stimuli. This lasted the rest of that day with no hallucinations or other effects.
<br>
<br>
To surmise, my first acid trip was more silly fun than spiritual or intellectual, but it primed me for future trips to absorb as much as possible from them since so much detail of this trip eluded me. I'd characterize my mood overall as euphoric and marvelled. I regret taking the 3 tabs the second day because they did not affect me and therefore were wasted. With that caveat, I proudly marked the starting point on the psychedelic journey I would continue for the rest of my life.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2012</td><td width="90">ExpID: 100566</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 3, 2013</td><td>Views: 4,012</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=100566&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=100566&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Hangover / Days After (46), Multi-Day Experience (13), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 6:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I've always been fascinated by drugs. There is a difference between being addicted and fascinated which needs to be understood. To me, almost anything is fine as long as it doesn't become addictive. Drugs are fascinating because they give a glimpse of what is possible for us as human beings. It is the same world I am in when I am intoxicated, only my perception of it changes. And when that changes, everything else has a different quality to it. That's what's fascinating. It's foolish to think that our every day state of consciousness, which for the most part is very dull when compared to others, is all there is and the only reality.
<br>
<br>
We are allowed to experiment with everything except...our own consciousness. The society has decided that it should be illegal to go deeper into who you are through the use of chemicals, and the whole concept of that is crazy to me. Yes, it can be dangerous, but so can crossing the road, and I take full responsibility for my actions and I've never hurt anyone while in an altered state, and never will. That comes when addiction sets in and is a totally different problem all together. Onto the experience now.
<br>
<br>
I am a meditator, and one of my hobbies is experimenting with different substances. I was excited when I found out that a friend of mine could get me some quality acid. I’ve heard a lot about it, but never tried it before. I immediately got excited and told him to get me two tabs. Now it was just a matter of getting a couple friends to come over and get going.
<br>
<br>
T+0:00 It is a beautiful, sunny day in the middle of summer. Around 1 in the afternoon. I am excited and a bit nervous, but everything is under control. My friends are over with the intent to do tons of weed, and without much hesitation I put the 2 tabs under my tongue. I was told it’s best to do both at the same time as opposed to doing one and then after some time the other, as you don’t want to have 2 highs that interfere. For some reason I expected the tabs to dissolve in my mouth, but they didn’t and to make sure I got the most of it I swallowed them both.
<br>
<br>
T+0:30 - First effects - a feeling of lightness and something building up inside of me, accompanied by the “slowing down” of the world.
<br>
<br>
T+0:45 – Sitting in my chair, the slow build up that was taking place inside of me was now becoming apparent. Everything is moving, from side to side, up and down, not only visually but realistically. My whole apartment building is swinging from side to side and it feels very real. I start to feel nauseous and decide to lie down on the couch.
<br>
<br>
T+1:00 – The nausea has gone. I am sitting on the couch with the laptop beside me. I go on youtube and click the first random video on the screen. It’s something about basketball. I see a repeating cycle of a player shooting a basketball and it’s going inside the basket and out. I must’ve stared at it for at least 5 minutes until I got a little confused at the repetition, and then my friend came over and told me that the video is actually paused. Amazing, my consciousness was completing the story of the basketball going inside and out. I click play and see exactly what I saw while it was paused.
<br>
I notice more visuals: any motion is in the past and the present at the same time – swinging my hand, I see where it was and where it is now as a hundred of still images in front of me.
<br>
<br>
I remember being confused and cycles of repeating thoughts eating up most of my attention. I felt an urge to do something, yet I could not figure out what it was. I go to check on my friends who are making hot cocoa with weed.
<br>
<br>
T+2:00 – 3:00 – Colors. Colors everywhere, a magnificent dance of the universe. Smoothly changing from white to red to blue to green to yellow to purple. I see colors I have never seen before, and they change from one to another. Every moment is new. I see the play of life – just a dance of forms and colors, not to be taken seriously. I am a part of the game, and yet at the same time I am beyond the game. This is the climax.
<br>
<br>
It happens that we have to make a trip to the library to get a movie we wanted. As I walk outside, suddenly I see that everything is alive. The trees, the cars, the grass – all greenery, everything is breathing, colors dancing everywhere, what a gift. There is tremendous clarity in my perception, I see everything as it is and at the same time I realize that I am. I have the gift of life, and who could have asked for more? I am sitting in the front seat of the car as I witness all of this. I am actually floating above the ground, I don’t feel any road bumps, just drifting from side to side, feeling as if I could fly right out of the car if I don’t hold on. But I don’t care - I am one with the universe.
<br>
<br>
T+3:00 – 6:00 – We come back with the movie, everyone except for me blazes, and we turn it on. My experience watching it is worth mentioning as well. Throughout the whole movie, everything that happened in it was one big flashback. It felt as if I’ve watched the movie a thousand times already, yet I am sure I’ve never seen it before. Every new scene was familiar, yet I could not guess what happens next.
<br>
I take my attention off the screen to look at the wall which was changing colors constantly. I then decide to take out my mp3 player and listen to music - trance in particular. Although it has a different sound quality to it, it doesn’t sound quite as epic as it does with cannabis, so I return to watching the movie.
<br>
<br>
After it’s over we all decide it’s time to smoke again. I give in and take a few bong hits. The high accompanies the acid trip very nicely. I have a new perception of things. For example, when I look at a car I see a car, not as a concept, but just as a bunch of metal pieced together in a clever manner, and given a brand. If you press on the gas pedal it accelerates and if you press on the breaks it stops. But that’s just how a few smart people applied laws of nature to it. An apple is simply an apple, simply how the molecules happened to form to make it what it is, nothing more. You can eat it because your body knows how to digest it and the tongue can taste it. It’s hard to explain, but everything has lost its seriousness and just was as it was. And that was enough.
<br>
<br>
T+7:00 – 9:00 – I drive my friends home and come back. The trip was still going strong for a while, taking around 9 hours till the come down, which was a bitch. I felt simply awful. Hungry, yet feeling if I ate I would throw up. A weird kind of headache came out of nowhere accompanied by an overall shitty feeling.
<br>
I decide the experience was worth it though and after having a hard time going to sleep, wake up totally fine the next morning.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2009</td><td width="90">ExpID: 89190</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 21, 2014</td><td>Views: 3,500</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=89190&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=89190&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">170 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Back in the day, like most kids in high school, the only thing that really mattered was what were we gonna do on the weekend and how fucked up were we gonna get doing it. We were your average suburban stoner kids who never really took school seriously and did just enough to get by and keep our parents off our back so we could go out and get wrecked each weekend. Even at our relative young ages, we were all pretty experienced with hallucinogens having eaten mushrooms, acid, and MDMA several times. Whenever we couldn't find a house to party at, or if it was a nice night and we just wanted to chill outdoors, we'd head to this hill way up in the woods a town over from ours and party up there. We'd had numerous fires and parties up there without anyone ever bothering us, plus being on a hill we figured we had a tactical advantage against the police in the event they did ever try and sneak up on us (we weren't the smartest kids, this was our actual thought process).
<br>
<br>
On this particular weekend there were some really killer hits going around and a group of us decided that we'd trip out in the woods for the night, nothing that hadn't been done before. Some other friends of ours wanted to roll so they all got E's and ate those. Right about sunset we all ate our drug of choice for the evening, 5 of us tripping, maybe 8 or so rolling, and headed out into the woods. It was a good mile and a half hike into the woods and up this hill before we reached the spot so by the time we all got up there everyone was starting to feel a bit different. The rolling kids set up shop on one side of the fire, loudly talking and laughing, telling everyone that they loved them, typical rolly-polly stuff. The 5 of us trippin kids on the other hand were on the other side quietly staring at the fire as if we were watching Jesus Christ himself rise up from it. One of the rollin kids must have caught sight of this and made an observation of how funny it was that all the rollin kids were on one side of the fire and all the trippin kids were on the other.
<br>
<br>
At this point I was tripping hard, the fire was coming up and looked to be kissing the tops of the pines above me. And on the other side of the fire, my good friend who made the observation about the division in the group looked so devilish. I told this to another one of the trippin kids and he tended to agree with me, we just had it set in our head thaat our good friend at this time was Satan himself and we'd do best to avoid him for the rest of the night. Of course avoiding a rollin person your with is like avoiding taxes, they're gonna be there right in your face if their fucked up enough. And sure as shit all these kids are rollin face on 3 or 4 pills each, meanwhile the 5 of us trippin kids are looking at them in total fear as they continue to converse about how funny it was that they were all over on one side and we were on the other. I was to the point where I just wanted to get up and pop one of these fuckers in the face for being so weird and others I was with were in total agreement. We began to conspire and talk about the distrust for people that on any other Friday would have been our best friends but now seemed like mortal enemies.
<br>
<br>
By now two of our other friends had come up with a 30 pack between them. What a sight we must have been, 8 kids rollin their faces off, not shutting up and then us the trippin kids huddled together plotting our revenge on these annoying E-tards. Naturally all the rolly kids wandered over and greeted our new arrivals with hugs and other assorted pleasantries while I and my group of geeked out kids with heads full of acid just looked around in wild amazement at the world around us. We must have looked like the lesser of two evils because my two buddies brought their beers over towards our side of the fire and sat down with us. One of my friends asked me what was wrong with the other side of the fire and I said something like 'they're rollin face, we're thinkin about doin somethin'. That must have been an odd response because my friend promptly asked what we were all doing and was a little bit pissed off to find out he had dragged his ass a mile and a half into the woods to hang out with a bunch of really f'd up kids. He cracked a beer, tossed one to the kid he came up with and chilled with us for maybe 15 minutes before it became way to much for them to deal with and they got up to leave. I took this as an opportunity to get away from the madness of the scene at the fire and walk down with them to get my head straight because by now the constant attention from the rollin kids was really fuckin with my head.
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<br>
The three of us all walked down to the cars and my two friends turned to me and asked me what my plan was. Plan? What plan? I just needed to get away from the fire, now I need a plan? The horror of the situation quickly showed itself as I was faced with a decision, either I leave and get a ride home with one of them, totally fucking up my plan to trip out with my friends for the night and need to explain to my parents why I was home a hen I told them I was staying at a friends house. Or I face the terrifying ordeal of walking back through those woods by myself trippin balls. I sat and thought of this dilemma for a moment and decided that the woods, which I knew very well even at night, posed less of a risk than my parents did so I decided to hoof it back up. I watched the cars drive away and was all alone at the entrance to the path.
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<br>
It was really a strange realization that I had entering the woods, I wasn't really scared or freaking out, but I became increasingly aware that the path looked a lot different. I felt myself begin to panic a little bit but just told myself that I was fine and to just start walking. I walked and walked and walked for what seemed like forever. The woods all around me, dark as could be in the dead of the night were absolutely alive with energy. All these shapes and colors were all around me and I struggled with myself to block it all out and focus on the path. What seemed like an eternity later I stopped and really had a frightening moment with myself. Had I screwed this up and was now lost? Nothing looked familiar but from the second I entered the woods nothing had looked familiar. I looked around to try and catch a landmark, something that would trigger a response to let me know I was safe. I spun around which only confused me further, which way was I facing now? I was tripping harder than I ever had before, alone, lost in the woods...not good. Full blown panic swept over me and for the first time I felt the fear, I might never get out of this. They'll have to send search parties looking for me when I turn up missing and they'll never find me, I'm that lost. It was the single most frightening thing that has ever happened to me. Just then I heard voices not to far off from my right. I spun around and there was the fire glowing off just a little bit in the distance. Phew, I'm gonna make it. I started to walk...and walk...and walk and the fire never seemed to be getting any closer. Uh oh, what's this all about. I stopped to see if I could hear anything and to relief I could hear voices in conversation just out of range to make out what they were saying. Ok, good. You're just playing tricks on yourself, the fire's right there. Relief. I started walking, cheering myself on, the fire was just ahead and I'd be safe. I stopped myself again. This was getting crazy, I'd been walking for God knows how long and was sure I should have been at my destination by now. The panic came over me again and was absolutely sure I was lost. What am I gonna do now? Ok, relax and think. Let's retrace your steps and head back towards where you came from and figure it out. If you can get out of the woods, catch your bearings and figure out what's going on you'll be able to take another crack at this or at the very least wait for everyone else to come out of the woods.
<br>
<br>
I started along away from the fire and the voices and started trekking towards the way I came in (I hoped). It was the most difficult thing in the world to ignore the sounds from behind me, always behind me. It was like something was pulling me deeper and deeper into the abyss and it took every ounce of my strength to fight it. By now I was in total panic, scared to death that I was never going to make it out of this. Everything around me was just negative energy. I felt a million eyes staring at me, evil eyes that wanted to hurt me. Fight it, keep walking, it's all in your head. Flashes of light all around, jumping from tree to tree. The sky looked of liquid, like you could jump in and use the moon like a beach ball. Normally this would be quite the sight to see but in my panicked state all the beauty was lost. I could do nothing but force myself through this total fear and trudge onward into this laser light show in front of me. I would hear the voices behind me, by now it seemed as they were begging me to turn around, the safety of the fire was just a few steps away. Fight it, it's not real, just keep walking. This was the most intense experience ever and it was getting stronger and stronger. The voices were louder, it looked fire balls were raining down all around me and the sky was a giant mass of black liquid. Holy shit, I've gone completely sideways. I'm not gonna make it out of this, I'm doomed. Total panic.
<br>
<br>
I heard the sound of rustling leaves and breaking sticks close by me. What the hell is that? Holy shit somethings been following me? I ducked behind a tree, trembling in complete morbid fear. Voices grew louder and the sounds of walking came closer. What the hell has been following me this whole time? What the fuck does it want? I heard a voice say my name, holy shit it knows me. I saw the figure come out from behind a tree and start walking in my general direction, several other figures weren't far behind it. Surely they couldnt see me behind this tree but they were closing in. I wanted to flee, the urge to run overtook me. I took one step and the figures now seemingly with in arms length away stopped. 'What the fuck is that' one of them said. Guys! I exclaimed. 'Holy shit dude, we've been callin you a bitch for bailing on us for hours now. You just up and bailed on us without saying a word when the other two left' I was relieved, I had found my group who was on their way out of the woods. I was at the very entrance of the path and didn't even recognize it. Had I dilly dallyed just a few minutes longer with my decision to get out of there when I did I would have missed them and who knows what the outcome would have been. I was just relieved to know I was safe.
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<br>
Moral of the story is, watch out what drug people you mix. E and acid are awesome as a combination for one person but two people on either substance, not so fun in my experiences.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2000</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88520</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 16</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 21, 2014</td><td>Views: 4,160</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88520&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88520&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Nature / Outdoors (23), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5)</td></tr>
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</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">13 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/3-meo-pcp/">3-MeO-PCP</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
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<!-- Start Body -->
Intro: Have a great deal of experience with most psychedelics and dissociates with extensive biweekly or weekly research over 10 years.
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<br>
After a lackluster first attempt at 10mg from a questionable vendor, I finally received some 3-meo-pcp from a more trusted source.
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<br>
I have plenty of experience with lsd, and I am very comfortable with it a few hours after the peak and so decided to combine the 3-meo-pcp at T+3 even though I certainly would not suggest this, and I realize that I should have probably started with it alone, before combing with another substance (Especially since it was a new batch); however, for the last few years I almost never do dissociates alone, I find them rather lacking and only use them if combined with psychedelics, so I felt that I could handle it.
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Setting: Serious mood, have been under some personal stress the following week, feeling a bit fragile, but ready for this experience and dedicated.
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T+0: 100 mics LSD taken.
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<br>
Beautiful, if slightly stronger, come up and peak.
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T+3h: I take roughly 13 mg of 3-meo-pcp sublingually.
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T+4h: notice this is much more active than the previous batch I had tested. Reminded me a little of an MXE come-up with no bodyload and more euphoria.
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T+5h: Full swing right now… whooh it's strong!! it's going back and forth between feeling amazing and feeling too much.
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I certainly feel it this time!
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There is much more of a manic feeling to it, like an impending sense of something big about to happen. It is very euphoric, more so than MXE in my opinion and makes me want to move around, dance, and be very active.
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Skin feels very smooth and silky, a very beautiful feeling, which I have never felt on any other dissociate.
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Sounds and music are almost jarring, and metallic sounds can be a little frightening on the peak. I even jumped one time when a new track came on, because the sound startled me. This has never happened on any other dissociate which usually covers me completely in an ocean of calm.
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<br>
I begin to dance and move around, only to have a wave of fear hit me….my heartrate is high, and my thoughts start racing a little, the telltale signs for me, that I need to take it slow, lest I enter a bad trip.
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<br>
So I switch to ambient music and retreat to my bed. I meditate for the next many hours and play with my singing bowls.
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T+7h:
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Over an hour or two, the mood has calmed down enough for me to explore my surrounding again.
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<br>
Alternating between meditating, and listening to music, dancing, and playing with singing bowls, the rest of the evening was pure joy and healing.
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Emotions were released which left me feeling fresh and clean and ready to get back to this thing called life.
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I am humbled, yet centered and strong, and feel a profound connection with everyone and everything.
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T+10h:
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<br>
I go to bed very grateful, peaceful and content with the beautiful evening.
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<br>
Conclusions:
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<br>
Very strong substance, even at around -10+ mg.
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Much less body load than all other dissociates I have tried (K, MXE, DXM). But more psychological effects which one needs to be ready for, because they can be scarier than other dissociates.
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I feel much less residual body effects the next day compared with MXE where I can feel slightly hungover or lethargic.
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Slightly more of an alien feel to it.
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Softness to hands and skin unique only to this. A very beautiful feeling.
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Mania certainly is apparent especially during the peak, during with I noticed elevated heart race and racing thoughts for a half hour. Anyone without much psychedelic experience might let this throw them into a bad trip so beware and use with caution.
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<br>
Although it DOES have a calming aspect to it, which was present the whole way through, it does not hold your hand so to speak as much as the other dissos. You kind of have to be able to keep your own shit together, or I can see how this can freak someone out.
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The experience was absolutely beautiful, though challenging. If one is not prepared for this I can see how it can become a “bad trip” easily.
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However if approached with relative caution and with the available tools to calm the trip down, this is a very rewarding gem and I certainly wish to explore it again, though not anytime soon.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 106692</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 35</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 29, 2015</td><td>Views: 8,528</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=106692&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=106692&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">3-MeO-PCP (558), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Combinations (3), First Times (2)</td></tr>
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</table>
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Before I expand on my psychedelic nightmare I wish to share some background information before my LSD experience. I have used tobacco, caffeine, alcohol, salvia, marijuana, adderall, street speed, BZP, TFMPP, LSD, MDMA, and MDEA. I am a 17 year old male weighing in 125 pounds.
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<br>
Prior to this LSD experience I have tripped 5 times. The highest dosage I have tripped prior to this was 3 tabs which I approximate 75-100 micrograms (completely arbitrary estimate) each. I wanted to experience an ego death trip like I read about, I scored some new tabs from a trustworthy acquaintance. The guy claimed that each hit was 210 micrograms. I was skeptical because as we all know; in the world of drugs trading, everything is claimed to be the purest, most powerful shit. This was especially unbelievable considering our contemporary time where the LSD dosages are 3 times weaker than those of the 60s. For the first in my life I saw blotter paper with hippie artwork on the back. Even though I had no other evidence of the dosage of the tabs I had a strong gut feeling these were great shit (I wish to note my intuition had never failed me when it came to drugs). Not soon after talking to him, I somehow held in my possession 10 hits of LSD, 5 for my other two friends and 5 for me.
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<br>
[Set and Setting]
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<br>
I had great anticipation for the trip. After taking a stressful 3 hour and 45 minute test that I studied intensely for I was really looking forward to a break. This and the constant academic stress that was imposed on me thanks to the rigor of my school’s academic curriculum. I had the house to myself for the entire day since my parents were going out. I prepared a playlist of diverse music, bought Geometry Wars Evolved II (an intense arcade game on the xbox 360 that I recommend any non seizure sensitive psychedelic user to experience at least once), cleaned the house, and readied some speakers. I researched and read up on high-dose LSD experiences to see what I was in for. I called two of my very close friends, C and S, to trip with me. I also intently chose them because they were two people with rather alternate personalities. S wanted to bring a friend of his, V, who wanted to try Ecstasy. Soon enough they all arrived at my house. Before I trip on any psychedelic I ‘rinse’ my emotions and psyche. I think very reflectively of all my positive and negative traits as a human being. I accept myself for everything I am. This was to prepare my mind for the journey. I dropped the 5 tabs under my tongue. Soon after S drops 3 hits, C drops 2 hits, and V drops two purple stars.
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<br>
It begins
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<br>
T+25 - Within this short time span my environment seemed to charge with energy, inanimate objects vibrated, and my pupils dilated fully. I am the first to feel the come up. I have noticed in my experiences, the stronger the doses, the faster the come up. This was the quickest I had ever experienced a come up. The intensity only increased as time passed. There was one point where I realized just how serious the trip became and I was momentarily extremely paranoid. C and V argue about what music to play and indirectly insults each other’s taste of music.
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T+45- S feels the acid, C claims no effect at all, and V feels nervous. I shake off the paranoia and realize how hard I am tripping. I notice the tensions between us. C was on my left side and saw a blue aura around him. V was on my right side and he carried a red aura around him. S and I were in the center. S was directly opposite of me and as he was talking I noticed how he tried to be neutral and even had a gray aura.
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T+60- I am seeing waves and geometric patterns on the walls and carpets. I see sounds and intense tracers. There was a period of time where we turned off the lights and I would see glowing lights and orbs of energy pulsating to the beat of the music. It was simply fucking amazing.
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T+75- I am having a fucking great time. I had never felt so euphoric in my life, even more than my first time doing MDMA. It was not a body euphoria, but a completely mental euphoria. There was one point where V was feeling the peak of the ecstasy and he started pulling my hair playfully (…LOL). I actually felt his touch and it felt like I was receiving a cerebral massage. I would closed my eyes and imagine a sky and I would see clouds as if I was directly standing on a cloud looking from the top of the world. I would lie down on the carpet and imagine beauty and I would see an island form from kaleidoscopic fragments like a puzzle rearranging itself in front of me.
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At this point I completely lose track of time and my memory starts to get rather foggy. I remember having some completely crazy conversations with my friends. S and I love science and we plan on studying drugs. Although the details are rather vague I remember talking about some drug interactions and even spoke of an insane theory that I wish I can bring myself to remember. I remember S and I completing each others sentences as if our brains were synced and we were reading each others minds.
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T+unknown- I feel good, but at the same time unaware that I do not have complete control over my body. I hallucinate myself tearing down a wall to reveal a bright grassy plain. I realize I am on my bed and I jump down. I just barely notice my friends who are all looking at me and apparently saying something to me, but I don’t pay much attention. For some reason I go to my living room and talk to ‘myself’. I realize that I tripped on LSD to destroy my ego, only to find out that my ego was already nearly gone. Something in me (which I will refer to as my subconscious) said “You deserve more than this”. After my subconscious said this, I immediately thought of S and how he always had my back in the past. My subconscious replied no. I then thought of C and how despite ignorant people always fucking with him because of his homosexuality, he remained the most positive, happy person I know. My subconscious replied “No, you, Tawsif, you deserve way more”.
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<br>
After this I apparently remember going outside hallucinating insane visions, but at the same time not realizing I was in reality. I remember trying to go through a wall and failing and my subconscious kept telling me, “You’re doing it wrong”. At one point I remember lying on my back, unable to move for some reason and thinking of my ex-girlfriend who is still the love of my life. I started to hallucinate her from head to toe, but right before she was fully formed, my subconscious said “You deserve more than that” and she slowly disappeared. Not soon after I saw a bunch of cops and FBI carrying a stretcher and walking toward me. I thought my neighbor probably had an accident again. The next thing I remembered was being inside an ambulance with bright lights all over me and feeling incredibly nervous. I’m not sure if I was screaming, but I was tied down and someone was cutting down my shirt and my pants.
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<br>
T+36 hours- I wake up to find myself in a hospital bed. I am tied down, there are tubes going through my arms, and I feel something weird near my groin area. I look down the blankets to see a urinary catheter. My head hurts, my elbows and knees hurt, and I feel like there are cuts on my back. I feel like I am in a dream because I cannot remember anything at all or how I got here.
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<br>
[Retrospection]- After speaking with my family members, friends, neighbors, and dropping LSD the week after, this is what I happened. After awhile my friends reported that I was not responding normally to any of them. I jumped on my bed and tore down my curtains (hence when I thought I was tearing down a wall). My friends were desperately trying to talk me into chilling out, but I apparently tried to kill S (note I am a pacifist). S and I had wrestled and sparred in many occasions, but he said I had so much energy that he and the other guys couldn’t hold me down for more than a minute. After I had left the house, they left as well out of panic and claimed they were scared out of their minds. My neighbor saw me running around on the road, stopping in front of a car, and then dancing on top of it (I do not recall this at all). She then tried to talk to me, but I ran away from block to block as she and her other family members tried to catch me. She said I then went back to my house, ran upstairs and jumped from the balcony which is a good 15 ft. from the ground. I fell on my back somehow and hit my head on the concrete. I remember this part as I remember feeling something sharp in my head that was probably pain, but didn’t feel like pain at all. After I fell, her nephew, grandma, uncle and dad were sitting on me and holding me down because I was trying to resist again. They called 911 and the police and FBI came. They injected me with tranquilizers or some sort of drug to try to calm me down or put me to sleep.
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<br>
Throughout the whole ride to the hospital I was said to be kicking and screaming. During my stay in the hospital, the nurses tried to take my blood and inject me with other things. My parents said that I kept fighting and ripped the tubes off my arms a few times, spurting blood all over the place. Finally they dosed me with a strong enough sedative to put me to sleep for a good amount of time.
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<br>
I have always hated to have a bad trip, but this was beyond bad. This is the worst trip I could imagine myself to ever have. I am lucky to be alive because I really should be dead. Running into cars and falling on my head should have at least had me crippled, but I remain strong both physically and mentally. I had open sores on my head and my back, bruises on my knees and elbows, and big blue bruises on my arms where I ripped the tubes off. I highly respect drugs and I believe myself to be responsible doing this in a closed environment with friends. However, I do not regret my experience at all. Although being a train wreck experience, I have learned much about myself and the unpredictability of psychedelics. I do not understand why I had such a psychotic reaction from LSD as I do not think I have any underlying mental disorders. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I do not understand why I had such a psychotic reaction from LSD as I do not think I have any underlying mental disorders.</div></div> I apologize for such a long reading, but I hope you learn from my experience and be careful of your future experiences. Life is too beautiful and precious to lose.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88438</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 16, 2015</td><td>Views: 2,706</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88438&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88438&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 drop</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2ci_nbome/">25I-NBOMe</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">125 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I snorted 1000 ug of 25i, maybe less than that. But judging by previous mescaline, LSD, psilocin and a vast array of other chemicals to gauge the intensity of this experience with. (I do large dosages to try and get the most out of the experience instead of chronic mediocre dosages) it must have been AT LEAST 800 ug+ .
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It was being sold as LSD, the dealer himself a dumbfuck and believing it was, but considering I did real LSD awhile back, the second the trip hit although there was a lot of similearities there was a few things that immediately threw it off
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I snort the 'acid' with 3 other people all doing '1 drop' each and the dealer immediately leaves. It takes about 180 seconds for me to start noticing effects, I am greatly surprised that it wasn't bunk and was at first happy as hell. But my friend who was compulsively trying to 'FRY ON ACID' the whole day quickly says 'CAN THIS STOP NOW' at first I thought he was a pussy... I told him to pack his fuckin seatbelts and thats when shit got cray
<br>
<br>
We quickly got so high to the point we couldn't move or talk, the visuals were I hate to admit the best I ever had and I hate to give 25i props for that, for once I experienced synethesia where I could hear the visuals, see sound, and my sense of smell became touch. Very weird and hard to understand, AND BTW this is by minute 4... Not even 240 seconds later and I am at a semi-uncomfortably intense +++ experience. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Not even 240 seconds later and I am at a semi-uncomfortably intense +++ experience.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
THAN SHIT GETS CRAZY
<br>
<br>
As all my senses start to blend into one universal format, I was taken into the 'void' of how people describe 5-MeO-DMT. It was pitch black but I could see stars and weird circular machinery and Mandelbrot sets. I for once on any drug adventure experienced extreme auditory effects, it sounded like a V8 engine accelerating but with lots of echo and it would reach a point of deafening intensity and with LOTS OF ECHO would slowly taper off, the noise was very uncomfortable. At one point I existed as nothing but a sea of atoms, I forgot I was alive. I entered a 'thought loop' where minutes felt like hours... During the 5 minute point I could have sworn we were going to die from serotonin syndrome and was panicking hard about death but during the 'time loop' death didn't bother me, I now think that we're already dead...
<br>
<br>
Anyways, I am the first person to attempt to start walking around, I knock over a very expensive shelf containing expensive glassware and my friends were crying via bad trip, too afraid to care. I ended up leaving the house, where I black out again *as I did during timeloop* and I only remember the part where I look down and I'm naked... Dont remember why I got naked or for what...
<br>
<br>
I dont remember cops, I dont remember hospital, I remember spending another night awake in jail... Wondering WTF DID I DO
<br>
<br>
Since this I have quit all drugs and obtained a job, but I might go to jail for indecent exposure and trespassing.
<br>
<br>
Please don't do 25i, I was the person that thought I could handle my drugs
<br>
<br>
I dont remember getting naked or why,
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
Within<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 103065</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 29, 2015</td><td>Views: 5,493</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=103065&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=103065&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">25I-NBOMe (542), LSD (2) : Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I had not yet tried blotter acid (or any other form of LSD), but recently I aquired a 155 ug blotter tab of very pure LSD. Considering it was my first time doing LSD, I only took 3/4 of the tab (I'm guessing around 130 ug at most, under my tongue and held it there for 20+ minutes).
<br>
<br>
A little background first though, in the past I have tried Salvia, Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds and (the day before I tried the acid) I tried Magic Mushrooms in a liquid form. I wasn't really feeling satisfied with my mushroom experience from the other day (I took 1 Gram and it wasn't enough), so I decided to spend the next day trying LSD. I took it by myself, reason being is that all my friends were busy and I had the house to myself (not to mention I do have experience in other psychedelics and know how to keep myself pretty calm and meditate).
<br>
<br>
I popped it under my tongue around 1:30 PM; I felt like I was coming up after about 30 minutes, but it took about 1 hour and 30 minutes for the effects to actually start. At first I felt a bit strange, but wasn't really seeing any real hallucinations or bright colors/color shifts; fur blankets looked like they were coming alive, however. I went over to a window to test out if I was tripping and looked outside. It was a very beautiful day and it looked even better. The first real hallucination I saw were hundreds of birds flying through the sky in flocks, they came from different directions, dozens at a time, close and far away. They looked so real in the way they looked/flew, but I realized I was tripping balls. Some of the birds in the distance looked a bit like the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz. I then decided to stare at some paintings in my living room, one was of a flower that began to melt and deteriorate (die). The longer I starred the more it melted. There is wood floor in my house and when I starred at it the patterns moved around. I looked at some pillows that have a very detailed design with dots and lines which looked like little ants moving. The carpet in the living room began to feel like some kind of holy power source in the house and I was drawn to it's moving patterns. Things got pretty intense at this point and I feel it was where my plateau began.
<br>
<br>
I had to take a leak now so I went to the bathroom which felt like a very holy place to relieve myself. The sunlight was coming through the sunroof very bright. I felt very effected and everything had this intenese, wavy, colorful and fuzzy fish-eye effect when I came out of the bathroom. I went over to the stereo to play some psychedelic music and it actually sounded kind of boring at first, but then this fuzzy psychedelic guitar entered the song and it sounded amazing so I left it on. I tried going on my computer and noticed the wallpaper was changing colors (normally it's a solid blue color). I went on the internet and it was terrifying. Animated GIFs looked horrible and when I saw pictures of people I saw their faces age in 3 progressions. I turned off the computer and decided to walk around the house more. My house is kind of small and I began to feel tired of everything and felt I needed to do something significant, but I also knew that wasn't really an option. I tried playing video games, but they were either too real or too scary, even if it was Mario Kart. It was probably around 4:30 PM at this point and I actually just wanted the trip to end. Of course it wasn't going to, but I was feeling like I was ready to 'get off the ride'. I went over to my bed and pulled the covers over me. The concept of pulling blankets over me felt weird, like I was some kind of animal hiding under a leaf, or a car being covered from the rain/dirt. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but the strangest thing happened. Even though my eyes were closed it felt like they weren't! Like my eyelids were transparent and I could still see what was in front of me almost.
<br>
<br>
I began to feel very lonely and wondered if the trip would ever end. My existence felt insignificant and life felt so basic. It was only about 5 PM at this point. I really began to miss my girlfriend so I texted her a few times. My phone looked very bright. Minutes felt like hours waiting for a response. Finally around 5:30 PM she called me. I answered and we talked for almost the rest of the night. I decided to try and make a minimal dinner around 6:30 PM. I turned on the oven to toast some bread and when it began to heat up it felt hot and dangerous so I turned it off and ate the bread raw. It didn't taste very good even though I knew it was decent bread.
<br>
<br>
Around 7 PM I watched an episode of a TV show and it was pretty weird. I was able to focus on watching something now, and felt I was starting to come down a bit. Things seemed less visually trippy and my mind wasn't racing as much.The episode ended and I went to another room. The intensity from before started to come back. I talked to my girlfriend on the phone more and it felt impossible to follow what she was saying sometimes, even though what she was saying was very basic. I realized I asked her the same questions more than once in a short time span. I crawled into bed and was starting to feel tired, almost ready to sleep. It was around 8 PM now. Time was still going by incredibly slow. Finally 9 PM approached and I was able to turn off all the lights in the bedroom without being scared. I talked to my girlfriend on the phone until midnight and finally went to sleep. I woke up at 9:00 AM the next day and felt normal again. Although it seemed very long and tiring at the time, I would definitely consider doing LSD again. The next time would have to be different though, I would want it to be with a good sitter and my girlfriend tripping with me as well. I also would want more to do in a bigger house next time, maybe even somewhere outside. Overall the experience felt a lot more 'organic' than I thought it would. I thought there would be more closed-eye visuals and more color changes.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107825</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 26, 2016</td><td>Views: 1,850</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107825&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107825&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(daily)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
My name is Aaron [ ] and I've had a calling to the study of the medicinal properties of psychedelic substances. I feel it is necessary that I share this report with as many people as I can in an effort to redeem the late chemist Albert Hofmann. As a result of my recent experiences (this one being the second most responsible) I have developed a religious or spiritual standing on the nature of this matter of psychedelics and truly believe that there are a number of gifted substances that Humankind cannot do without.
<br>
<br>
Included is a personal history which may be relevant to the experience. This is written in hopes of provoking greater and more professional research into the use of sub-threshold doses of various substances. In this case I am reporting the effects of MicroDosing LSD at approximately 12.5 micrograms which is performed by slicing blotter tabs (said to contain 100 micrograms LSD) into eighths and administering orally on a daily basis in the early afternoon.
<br>
<br>
A brief history of myself: Since I was a child I've been diagnosed with a variety of disorders and have undergone an even greater number of treatments all of which failed to provide any lasting benefit. These range from ADD, Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar along with many other symptoms being undiagnosed. Most of these drugs have had no effect or resulted in undesirable effects which led to their discontinuation. I've generally lost all respect for the pharmaceutical industry and found myself succumb to these issues with no hope of their mitigation.
<br>
<br>
At times I found myself abusing drugs like Ecstasy, Opiates, Cannabis, Tobacco and Alcohol as an excuse to escape my mundane reality and boredom. These along with my preexisting conditions made for a very out-of-whack state of being for many years where I tried to abstain from further self-destruction. After that phase of my life I found a spiritual revelation which only deepened my sorrows as I became more aware of the world and my place in it seemed to become fruitless. Needless to say I was lost.
<br>
<br>
In the past few years I sought out medical help and these problems only worsened. My most recent trial of prescriptions led me to a breaking point where I developed Complex Migraines which would resemble a stroke or seizures of sorts. The notion that no doctor could help me was later affirmed by follow-up video/EEG tests, during which I had episodes, that showed no abnormal behavior. MRI and CT scans turned up no evidence either!
<br>
<br>
Not even two days later from my hospital release was I presented an opportunity to experiment with Psilocybin-containing mushrooms. I was told they could help those suffering from Cluster Headaches and Migraines. The result was fantastic! With all the characteristics of one who is having a stroke, I was revitalized as a youthful and fit body from a single morsel of the fungi. This was something I had to continually consume at the onset of any episode. The next few weeks showed a decrease in frequency, intensity, and persistence in my 'attacks'. Fortunately as my supply was nearing its end my attacks had vanished entirely!
<br>
<br>
At the time of this writing it has been months since I've consumed the psychedelic fungi and I haven't had an episode since! That isn't to say I haven't felt unwell at times due to anxiety. It is this encounter with this truly magical substance that has encouraged me to spread the word of sub-threshold dosing being a cure for what I went through. It has encouraged me to delve into the research of substances and their unconventional applications.
<br>
<br>
Again, my problems got the best of me and was in a depressive state for a while. Irritability became my demon and I struggled with my levels of energy and desire. Creativity was a stranger and boredom became my only comfort. All these things yet I didn't actually perceive they were present within me. It was all so subtle that I didn't notice how depressed I was until the next miracle found me.
<br>
<br>
I've taken the drug LSD many times before for fun and had been the catalyst for my previously mentioned spiritual revelation. I was recently invited to purchase some LSD and was already interested in the substance being used in sub-threshold experimentation. After having some fun with it I decided to do a full-on documented self-study. I let myself reset for about a week and then began MicroDosing LSD on January 17, 2016.
<br>
<br>
At the time of this writing I am 9 days into my study and have some truly amazing results. I will describe them as best I can:
<br>
<br>
Increased…
<br>
<br>
Appreciation: A very general and possibly encompassing sense of appreciation for all things. All people seem more important, all colors more alive, all sounds have their beauty, all the dingy, dirty, gross things have their place, etc. Jokes that weren't funny have some appeal now. Far easier to appreciate different perspectives for what they are and what their foundations are.
<br>
<br>
Baselines: The general base level for a variety of traits have been raised to what I would consider 'natural'. A tremendous improvement from my original baselines!
<br>
<br>
Mood/behavior/emotions: Mood is stabilized and behavior is less based on emotions. Any negative feelings such as anger or sadness are present but proceed to self-resolve. Compared to my original state, this is really amazing; because the feelings would linger and grow to frightening levels. Far more natural patience and empathy. Great sense of humor; more humble to my own shortcomings.
<br>
<br>
Socialization: A new desire to interact with others which is now uplifting instead of anxiety-inducing. Able to join in conversations or initiate them with ease. Able to empathize with people in a way that I can better understand their social behavior in a non-judgmental way.
<br>
<br>
Creativity/problem solving: Normally I would require some external source for inspiration when working on my artistic hobbies. Since dosing I find inspiration from within. Any obstacles or problems that come to me are very easy to mitigate.
<br>
<br>
Energy: I no longer require chemicals to forcibly raise my energy. Unlike caffeine, I am able to call upon my energy store as needed and can easily settle afterwards. There is no feeling of being stimulated like most drugs cause, for example jitters and dry mouth.
<br>
<br>
Focus/attention: A greater length for holding thoughts especially while talking. Learning and recalling things more quickly and to greater accuracy. Any deterrents or distractions have less of an impact on my train of thought and focus.
<br>
<br>
Decreased…
<br>
<br>
Self-limitations/inhibitions: More accepting of myself and the inner chatter that normally defines what is worth acting on or not has essentially shut up to allow more fluent creativity in artistic endeavors, solving problems, and in socializing with others.
<br>
<br>
Psychedelic effects: Diminishing effects over the days of the fun/scary effects such as visual/auditory changes and psychological alterations.
<br>
<br>
Perversion: Sexual attraction is no longer overly prominent and a greater sense of androgyny exists. Able to be free from checking out women's breasts and butts all the time as habitual.
<br>
<br>
Addiction: My desire for tobacco use is severely reduced and cravings aren't so dreadful as to force my hand. Sexual activities don't overrun my thoughts.
<br>
<br>
Desire to alter the mind: I no longer have frequent or prominent wishes to get high on Cannabis and only wish to use it sparingly. I don't feel a need to drink alcohol when bored.
<br>
<br>
No medication I've been prescribed was intended to do all of these things. No medication I've taken has had this level of effectiveness without any detrimental effects. Not a single pill I have swallowed has made me feel like anything about me was perfect. Nothing can even come close to what LSD has done for me.
<br>
<br>
As this is only 9 days worth of analyzing my ongoing experience I cannot conclude how these effects will last and what will happen if I abruptly discontinue the use. I wish I could just have my God-given prescription for life, but I feel it necessary to at some point bring this to an end for the aforementioned concerns.
<br>
<br>
I find it criminal to prevent myself, and others sharing these troubles, from the responsible use of such a blissful substance. I do agree that it needs to be controlled but to outlaw this is absolutely insane and is a truly evil act in the name of what potentials exist in science, society and its progress. It is a hindrance to humanity as a whole to allow this revolutionary chemical to be branded as a problem needing suppression at the level we see today.
<br>
<br>
The day the responsible, honest, educated, and purposeful usage of this compound is permitted to those who wish to do good in the world is the day that humanity will boldly step into a real Golden Age.
<br>
<br>
I will hold my beliefs and the wealth of evidence from many persons/studies against any legal repercussions that may result from sharing this data and am willing to put myself in such a position because I believe anonymity will only make this highly controversial topic even less approachable.
<br>
<br>
I will happily work with parties interested in my experience for the purpose of enlightening the world to the medicinal and spiritual/religious if I can determine their sincerity.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107822</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 13, 2016</td><td>Views: 14,798</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107822&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107822&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Health Benefits (32), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Glowing Experiences (4), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/ketamine/">Ketamine</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">188 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It was going to be my 5th or 6th trip that day. It was a Wednesday at Burning Man and it was hot as usual. We were hanging out at our camp getting ready to listen to the mix I made prior. I wanted to get into the music more but it was too hot and I was tired from the prior day. My buddy offered me some Ketamine and I gladly took some. It was my 3rd time trying this stuff and 2 prior times I didn't really enjoy it that much. But this time was different. I was enjoying it very much. I was lying there lost in the music I mixed. After 3 hours my friend showed up and gave me a hit of acid.
<br>
<br>
--- This is when things started to get odd ---
<br>
Normally I love acid. It was my favorite drug. Every single time I've done it, it was great. It usually takes about 45mins-1 hour for it to hit me and it starts slow then progressively gets better and better.
<br>
<br>
This time it started to hit me in 20 mins. I could see gorgeous shapes when I closed my eyes. But I could tell something was off. My tongue was getting numb as I was playing with the paper in my mouth. I thought 'I should hit the bathroom before this shit hits'.
<br>
<br>
As I leave the bathroom it hits me. I can't find my camp. Lights are too bright to look at. I can only look at the ground. I made it back to my camp in about 30 mins (normally 5 mins walk). I tell my friends something is not right. I am having cold sweats, and I feel thirsty but when I drink, I don't really want water in my mouth. I sit down and close my eyes. I see a lot of shapes but mostly triangles. There is a lady in the middle whom I do not know. I go through the triangles towards her but the distance is always the same. She is very attractive but I do not see her at all. I know she is a beautiful lady without actually seeing her features.
<br>
<br>
As this is going on I have the feeling of wanting to poop really bad. The whole time I'm squeezing my butt as tight as I can. I thought, I was a baby and I want to be in fetal position and poop myself. After struggling for 2-3 hours I guess I felt strong enough to decide that I want to get out and not be in camp. I need to go to the bathroom and not clench my butt anymore. My friend takes me to bathroom and as I was in this hot porta-potty a sound car stopped right behind where I was. Blasting trap music. I started to have an amazing time in the toilet. I wanted to stay in the toilet forever! I stay there about 10 minutes (?).
<br>
<br>
Suddenly the music stops and down spiral begins again. I get out and we walk back to the camp. I tell my friend I need loud music. They help me pack up for the night. Fill my water and feed me as much as they can force me to, and we leave. It was a distressing biking experience. Things were scary and I didn't know what to think but It was way better than sitting in dark, freaking out about pooping myself. We find some music we enjoy and start dancing and things get better from there.
<br>
<br>
I can't say I enjoyed it but it was some experience right there. As the night went on I took some MDMA and I felt way better.
<br>
<br>
I am scared to do acid now but I do want to do it again. I hope next will be a better one.
<br>
<br>
[Reported Dose: '1 tablet 100mg'<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 106156</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 26</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 19, 2016</td><td>Views: 1,605</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=106156&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=106156&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Difficult Experiences (5), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">102 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It was everything--all that was and is and will be: Eternity. To say that I had transcended into another dimension would be hopelessly inadequate. To even attempt to convey the experience in words is unreasonable in itself.
<br>
<br>
It started as I began to view each person as their own cognitive being, equally a part of the greater machinery of an interconnected universe. I was able to see everything from the least possible biased perspective, taking into account all interpretations of the moment as it was and using them to form an ultimate quintessential representation of reality. Then, as I turned away from this essence of physical nature, I stared off into a great abyss that enveloped not only myself but the entire spirit of Being. Everything seemed to spiral into a massive force of utterly virtuous existence. I was lost, captivated, mesmerized as the concept of life overcame all that was.
<br>
<br>
Soon after 'snapping out' of this hypnotic state I broke down under the rawness of actuality. I was not able to stand nor comprehend my identity as a single manifestation. Tears not of sadness nor of fear but tears of incomprehensible peace and joy drowned all formerly existing impurities.
<br>
<br>
I had lost all sense of who I was or when it was or where I was. I was asking questions like, 'What is my name? What day is it?' <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I had lost all sense of who I was or when it was or where I was. I was asking questions like, 'What is my name? What day is it?'</div></div> As soon as I heard the answer to each question, it made sense and I moved on to ask the next one. Soon I was able to gather my composure and see the situation objectively.
<br>
<br>
It seemed as if the entire universe had flipped upside down; my purpose, everything I was ever meant to be, was now. I felt as if anything was ever meant to be a certain way, this was it--exactly how it was. All the doubts, all the fears, all the aching uncertainties made sense beyond one simple answer.
<br>
<br>
The enchantment of this tranquil eternity was in every aspect the embodiment of truth and understanding. In a way, everything had been simplified in the sense that all clouded judgement had diminished into a clear, honest comprehension of what it meant to Be.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 93032</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 23, 2016</td><td>Views: 1,987</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=93032&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=93032&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Unknown Context (20)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">110 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I was 17 years old when I tried LSD for the first time. It is important to know that I come from an affluent family with a long history of drug abuse. I am the youngest in my family and my three older siblings each had their own drugs of choice (pain killers, heroin, cocaine). I like to think that I've learned from their mistakes, and take a more experimental approach to drugs than an obsessive one.
<br>
<br>
The night I tried LSD for the first time was in late December 2010. My friend, who I had tried other drugs with in the past, was like my guide through this whole new psychedelic world I had never experienced before. That night we went to see STS9 in concert and I was (soberly) very excited. My friend offered me two doses of acid on a small rectangular piece paper. He instructed me to put it under my tongue. I did as he said and sure enough, in about an hour I was tripping…hard.
<br>
<br>
The music was overwhelming; I had a sensation that I was not only hearing the music, but also seeing and feeling it. The lights moved in ways far too independent and intricate for the sober eye to understand or see at all. But the most bizarre of all was the atmosphere that the band and the crowd formed together. It was as though the people were there to worship…and not necessarily in a good or bad way.
<br>
<br>
I had this driving urge to move away from the people I had come to the concert with and take in the faces and movements around me. Pushing my way through the crowd, meeting people along the way, I began to feel as though all of these people were below me. For some reason, which I have pondered for a year now, I developed some superiority complex—I was hallucinating that I was in some hell-like dimension (but not a painful hell, just one where demons reside), and that everyone I saw was a different kind of bottom feeder. Vampires and demons surrounded me, danced beside me, and I felt above them. I truly believed that I was in that place at that time because I was the one responsible for watching over them—keeping them in line. The only person comparable to my character that night is Buffy the vampire slayer…that’s the best way I can describe it.
<br>
<br>
It is, to this day, one of the strangest things I have experienced. It was fun as hell...literally.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 94238</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 24, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,027</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=94238&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=94238&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Rave / Dance Event (18)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I had taken acid once before so I knew pretty much what to expect. The only difference this time, was that it was the beginning of winter and it was pretty cold to enjoy the pleasantries of nature.
<br>
<br>
We decided we'd take the acid and the brownie at the same time. It all started pretty normally. Seeing patterns in the carpet and whatnot. Then my roommate walked in and we convinced her to take a half a hit. She'd never taken LSD so she was anticipating utter craziness which she did not experience off her half hit.
<br>
<br>
Things started to get weird when she began to trip slightly and the brownie kinda crept up on me. I felt really tired for a second and I wanted to close my eyes and relax to the sound of some music. My roommate hated this idea and began shouting WAKE UP, which scared the shit out of me for some reason. I remember thinking holy shit there are too many patterns and that I was extremely hot and my heart was racing. There were at least 3 different patterns moving on top of each other and it was too much to take in. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">There were at least 3 different patterns moving on top of each other and it was too much to take in.</div></div> I kept wanting to be outside and no one would join me so I continuously went on the balcony alone. Mistake. Somewhere in there I said 'I think I might throw up' my friend replied 'yeah thats possible' immediately the thought was in my mind and I did throw up the brownie.
<br>
<br>
I remember sitting outside on the ground smoking a cigarette and watching the pattern on the concrete. I didn't feel very good still, just having thrown up and still tripping balls. Then I moved to a chair and began to pray, also a MISTAKE. Never should prayer be used when in a bad state of mind on a hallucinogen. I was repeating something like 'please God help me, let this feeling go away'.
<br>
<br>
So about 4 days go by and I am sitting in the same room I had began tripping in and had seen all the patterns in and I suddenly had the same heat sensation and heart racing feeling come over me. I went in the bathroom and realized I felt just like I had when I was tripping. I even did the same look in the mirror I had done when I threw up or at least it felt like the scenarios were identical. I washed my face with cold water to cool off (which I also did tripping) then I went outside to smoke. This is where it really began to affect me because I started to pray and about a minute in I realized I had done all of this before. I immediately wanted to get out of the apartment and I did.
<br>
<br>
I quit smoking weed for about 4 months because of this and I also had severe anxiety for about 6 months, but now I can look back and appreciate the good time I had. The trip itself wasn't so bad once I began watching willy wonka and laughing with my friends. I just needed to quit focusing on the negativity and that was the problem with anxiety in the end as well.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 92123</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 26, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,010</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=92123&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=92123&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis - Hash (93) : Hangover / Days After (46), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
First, a little background to start off: prior to this experience, I've eaten Psilocybin mushrooms ten times, dropped LSD four times, smoked pure Salvia divinorum a few times, Salvia 20x once, and Nymphaea caerulea once. I plan on using Ayahuasca eventually so I feel the need to immerse myself in the vast catalog of psychedelics in preparation for such an intense experience.
<br>
<br>
Now onto the trip report. It was a Sunday night and the techno/ neo-electronic trio, Yellow Claw, was performing at a venue just off of campus. For those of you that do not know, Yellow Claw concerts are basically EDM raves with colorful lights, lasers, smoke machines, etc. The plan was for me and my friend to drop a tab and then smoke a joint on the walk to the concert in hopes of the peak hitting us just as the main act came out. On the walk back from the concert we were planning to smoke again to extend the life of our trip. We were attending the concert with a group of friends.
<br>
<br>
00:00 We each drop a tab and proceed to pass around a joint.
<br>
<br>
00:30 We get into the concert. The venue is pretty small and couldn't fit more than probably around 600 if it were packed. After giving our jackets to the coat check, and heading into the crowd we could already feel the tingly acid vibes. I was seeing typical auras of bright colors surrounding objects and filling voids of space, along with light tracers/ wavy 'illusions' in objects.
<br>
<br>
00:50 The opener comes out on stage and starts playing some electronic beats. The lights illuminating the room were neon blues, oranges, yellows, and pinks mostly. My friend and I could see all the different color lights reflecting off our faces, even though the venue was brightly lit still.
<br>
<br>
01:15 As the DJ droned on and on, the music progressively got more and more shitty. It was starting to annoy me how little I was vibing to the music and it caused me to start getting fidgety and irritated. The bright neon lights were the only things keeping me interested.
<br>
<br>
01:45 By this point, I had had enough with the DJ's several failed attempts to get the crowd dancing or even vibing in the slightest way. He would play a song, the beat would progressively get faster and faster in anticipation of the bass 'drop', and when it finally would drop, it would be like [insert flatulence noise]. I became very self absorbed in my trip and how negatively the DJ was impacting it. I started to perceive that everyone in the crowd had their eyes on me. They would see me trying to get hyped and then when the bass would drop it would just instantly suck. This happened about three or four times. Even worse, it seemed the DJ would switch the song up completely after each failed attempt at performing a successful/ hyped up bass drop.
<br>
<br>
02:00 The visuals from the neon lights were getting more and more intense to the point where I was seeing a vivid rainbow popping out above the stage and the DJ. The music was of no interest to me but the DJ was still trying to get some positive feedback from the crowd, with no success. Suddenly I felt my group of friends leave me and I became surrounded in girls. What actually happened was that I was paying less and less attention to the music and more to the people in my general vicinity. I stepped forward away from my friends and suddenly felt as if I had become swarmed in females. Each one, trying to get my attention/ attempting to dance with me. In reality, the women were just talking to each other and laughing at how blitzed I was. I surely was not vibing to the music so I chose not engage in the drunk females around me.
<br>
<br>
02:15 It seemed that the group of girls I ignored all left my general vicinity. This made me a little less irritated. Although, I was still very displeased with the music and it was keeping me from really chilling out. My nerves were on edge as I found myself in the very center of the venue. It seemed as if all eyes were on me and I started to panic, I began to get very very sweaty. This is where things went sour for me.
<br>
<br>
02:30 With all of the colorful lights and the perfectly centered rainbow glowing above the DJ, I had become convinced that he was gay and was trying to turn the concert into a gayfest. Suddenly the empty space in front of me where the girls were became filled with men. Then I realized that my group of guy friends was behind me again, although I didn't see the girls. It seemed like everyone around noticed this shift as suddenly the concert illustrated some sort of homosexual aura around my general vicinity. I was totally not down with what I perceived to be happening and I just kept looking back at my friends to see what was up with them. That is when I perceived yet another illusion from the LSD. I thought that the DJ was an older cousin of mine with a hidden alter-ego as this no-name DJ. I convinced myself that everyone had just figured out he was gay (because of something I must have said or did) and I really started to panic. I was beginning to peak just as I started panicking and everything became extremely dramatic and life was utterly chaotic and backwards. I grabbed some random dude's shoulders, jumped up in the air and screamed out 'I WAS ON ACID THE WHOLE TIME!' I land, and immediately I am back up in the air a second time, 'I WAS ON ACID THE WHOLE TIME!!!' I turn around and see two large men, one wearing an 'Illuminati symbol' (all-seeing eye on pyramid) tee shirt and the other one with Jay-Z on his shirt. At that moment in time, I experienced a subconscious thought that Jay-Z had a contact in the venue that heard what I screamed out, and that the Illuminati was coming to take me away. I start to panic even more.
<br>
<br>
02:35 I look up to see the DJ being removed from the stage and immediately I think it's my fault. I thought that I got him kicked off the stage for being gay and doing such a shitty job at the DJ. I turn to my friends and begin to tell them how bad I feel, and that I must go outside to talk to my hurt cousin. I start running toward the exit, shoving people out of my way. When I get to the door, I have a sudden change of heart, turn, and run back to my friends. I realized that if I left the venue I would not be able to get back in. Although, for some reason this wasn't stopping me. I run back through the crowd to exit, have another change of heart, and run back to my friends. I proceeded to repeat this behavior about 3 or 4 times. Suddenly the lights switch off and only two yellow spotlights are spinning around the venue, as I start to hear voices on the mic. I see three fat white guys in Adidas tracksuits walk out on stage and they start to crank the party INSTANTLY. I had never seen Yellow Claw before so I figured it was them. They start playing some jams and instantly my trip goes from sour to sweet. I start raving intensely, throwing my body around, swinging my head and whipping my hair.
<br>
<br>
02:40 I remember that my 'cousin' is still outside, if not gone, and his career as a DJ is over, and everyone knows his deepest, darkest secret. I figured I missed my opportunity to go outside, apologize, and make things right, so I start to formulate alternative options to fixing this mess. I deduced that the only way to save my cousin's career and potentially his life would be to go back in time and rewrite the events that took place during his opening act. My mind racing, I attempted to rave 'hard enough' that I would travel backwards in time. I convinced myself that if I moved fast enough, my molecules could vibrate quick enough to send them backwards in time, therefore liberating me from forward time. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I convinced myself that if I moved fast enough, my molecules could vibrate quick enough to send them backwards in time, therefore liberating me from forward time.</div></div> This notion that time travel was achievable was from my Salvia 20x trip in which I was able to flow freely through time as its own dimension. (Although, unfortunately this ability was no longer producible once I came down. In the concert tho, this concept seemed very much possible again).
<br>
<br>
I began to viscously whip my hair clockwise, then counterclockwise. I jumped up and slammed down to the floor in 'thinker' position and shout which caused me to 'freeze time' for a split second. When I hit the floor, for a split second I had another flashback to my Salvia 20x trip where I was ethereal, flowing through fibrous voids of space and time produced by the neurons firing across synapses of my inner consciousness. But then immediately I was back, kneeling on the wooden floor. That is when my friend grabbed me and pulled me to my feet. I was still wilding chaotically and he had to sort of shake me to slow me down. I told him 'It's just a rave! It's just a rave! It just a rave. Everything is fine. Everyone is on drugs. It’s just a rave. It's O.K.' My friend said that we had to leave but my mind was still stuck on reversing the sequence of events that occurred. My friend explained the reason I was tripping out was because the environment was too high energy, I had too many things on my mind, and that the best thing to do was to go back to the dorm. My mind was racing so fast I could no longer decide what to do next. I felt powerless. My friend brought me out of the crowd, took my coat ticket, ran upstairs to retrieve the coats, and promptly ran back down to meet me.
<br>
<br>
That is when my roommate and his girlfriend met us and asked if everything was ok. My friend said everything was fine and that he was going to take me back to the dorm. He proceeded to leave, expecting me to follow him out the venue. As we approached the exit, a guard stopped us to warn that we were not going to be admitted reentry after we left. My friend shrugged him off and kept walking but I just stood there paused in time. I turned and began to walk back into the crowd when my roommate grabbed me. He was wearing a tie dye design shirt adorned with a little alien and a mushroom and large text reading 'Chill bro. Don't trip.' I just hugged him tightly and he basically carried me out of the concert.
<br>
<br>
03:00 We got onto the street and stood there in front of the venue doors as I frantically attempted to find the second joint. I kept thinking someone was going to pull up in a taxi and take a ride with me. Between God, Jesus, my cousin's father’s, my cousin's mother -- Father’s sister, my deceased father, and the Illuminati, I was SURE one of them was going to pull over and coax me into the car. Every car that passed, I was waiting for one to pull over next to me.
<br>
<br>
My friend informed me that we were way too close to the venue to smoke the j. I agreed so we began to walk back toward campus. We were walking through the same neighborhood we have many times when suddenly the streets reminded me of my hometown, so vividly that I thought we were actually in my hometown. Several police cars passed and I thought that I had caused a huge disturbance. We found a bench to sit down and spark the joint. This raggedy hippy couple passed us but gave no attention. Someone walked passed and asked us if everything was ok and we assured them we were fine. I soon got really bad dry-mouth from the joint and I attempted to spit on the ground. What I saw when I looked at my spit was hundreds of little sperm swimming around. This was symbolic because it felt like I was in the town I was born in. The cum-spit freaked me out a bit but I remembered I was tripping so it didn't phase me too hard. I started to remember the homosexual vibes I was getting during the concert and I promptly left that bench. On the walk back to campus, I saw the hippy guy again except without his girl, and I asked him if he was tripping. He told me he went to a show the previous weekend where his friends all took a nice cocktail of drugs but that he was currently on probation.
<br>
<br>
03:15 We were almost back on campus when we passed a Baptist church. The sign read 'All are welcome.' I found comfort in reading that and I mentioned it to my friends. I started thinking about religion and ancient civilizations. I started thinking about native peoples, when I look down to see the familiar seal in the pavement on the sidewalk. The seal was the front of a buffalo nickel (a side profile of an American Indian wearing a headress). That moment was very symbolic and ironic to me. When my Pops passed away, during the funeral procession I was having a conversation with the hearse driver inside the limo and he told me that he had an original buffalo nickel. A few weeks later, I received that buffalo nickel in the mail from him and a card. It felt too perfect to be true, as I looked up and saw an Indian person pass me. I know Indians are not the same as Native people but it still felt extremely symbolic to me, thinking about 'American Indians' and seeing an Indian person.
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<br>
03:30 We were coming up on this public bench on the street corner. I always loved this bench because the owner installed a green laser lighting system in the tree above, and positioned it pointing down on the bench. My friends and I would smoke on the bench and blow clouds up into the air to intensify the laser beams. I sat on the bench and began to sing an old Church song, 'This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. Oh this little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.' The whole time, my friend was clapping along and adding in little Baptist-choir-like interjections. I got up, we all shared a laugh, and continued walking back to the dorm.
<br>
<br>
03:45 As we approached the intersection, I looked up and saw three traffic lights as they were all yellow. All of the street lights had a yellow hue to them as well. This reminded me about the concert and that I had not even made it to Yellow Claw's set. I remembered that the friend that I dropped with was still inside the venue, tripping balls. I felt bad for ditching him and I hoped everything would turn out fine for him. The whole walk back to campus, I felt like the universe was perfect in every which way and no matter what goes wrong, the universe has a way of fixing itself.
<br>
<br>
04:00 When we were finally back at my dorm we met up with a few friends and went upstairs to my dorm. Upon entering my room, I felt really hot so I began to strip down to my boxers and sit on my bedroom floor. My friend turned the lights off and he handed me his phone, with my favorite song playing, Man on the Moon by Kid Cudi. I slowly danced around my room like a phantom while rapping the song. I felt so in tune with the way of the world and my head was finally back where I wanted it to be.
<br>
<br>
04:15 I put some clothes back on and we decided to go outside and smoke another joint. We sat on a bench and passed around the j. We conversed about tripping for a short while before heading back in.
<br>
<br>
04:45 We went into one of my friend's rooms and put on the movie 8 Mile. I sat down and became absorbed in the movie. I was laughing my ass off at parts that I've seen a hundred times. The laughter in the room was contagious. I got up to take a piss and as I stood up, I accidentally set off the voice command on my phone. Ignoring it, I took a pee, walked to the sink, looked at myself in the mirror, when I heard my phone started randomly playing a song. I took my phone out of my pocket and the song that was playing was 'Trippy' by Rich Hil featuring Kid Cudi. I walked back into the room, showed my friends, and simply dropped it out of my hand. I sat down and started watching the movie again.
<br>
<br>
06:30 My friends finally got back from the concert and they told me it was amazing. I was glad that my friend had a good trip and that everything worked out ok. This trip was extremely symbolic to me but I never figured out why I perceived the opening DJ to be a cousin of mine OR why I thought he had a homosexual alter ego. Either way, I'm probably going to stay away from LSD for a long time.
<br>
<br>
P.S. I did figure out what caused me to perceive notions of homosexuality around me. On my previous acid trip, I convinced myself that my good friend (who has a girlfriend of several years) was hitting on me and that he was actually gay. Again, this turned out to be a figment of my imagination. Although, I started thinking about it upon entering the venue. I took my friend aside and shared the story with him, except AGAIN, while I was tripping, I convinced myself that my good friend actually was gay. I shared this with my friend in recounting the story. He assured me not to worry about it, for it could trigger a bad trip. I guess sometimes that is what happens when you are on drugs, whether you try to avoid it or not.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108020</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 14, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,191</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108020&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108020&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Cannabis (1) : Sex Discussion (14), General (1), Rave / Dance Event (18)</td></tr>
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</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td>
</tr>
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<br><br>
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I was an average girl (whats average mean anyways?) 19 years old, a sophomore in college at an established university in the states, studying business, working as an intern and I was home for the summer. It was a great summer I might add. My parents were making their way to burning man and were going to be gone for a whole week, leaving me in charge of the house, a big beautiful house with a huge secluded landscaped back yard covered in trees, flowers bushes and a pool! Not you're average pool, it had a diving board!
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The summer up to this point had been pretty nonchalant, I had been hanging out with friends, mostly my friend B, we had become best friends in the instant we met earlier that year (that might have been because of the fact the night I met him, I was on ecstasy for the very first time in my life). Just so I can set everything straight, I never did drugs in high school till my senior year when I smoked some weed and did mushrooms twice, that is until I met B my sophomore year of college and he introduced me to E. I absolutely loved it and I have done it quite a few times since.
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So the first night alone in the house I had a few people over for a pool party, it couldn't have gone better, must people were drinking but me and B and another friend did some E. It was a great time. The next morning, unusually, I felt GREAT! I was laying in the pool with B and we were listening to Jack Johnson and the weather couldn't have been better. Out of the blue he says, 'Lets go get some acid!' and I replied with a 'Hell ya!' So we waited till my boyfriend, C, got off work, we jumped in the car, drove for 20 min. to get the acid. I had never really thought about acid, whether I would do it, or anything remotely. So this was so exciting! I was a little apprehensive because the two times I had done mushrooms in high school I wasn't a huge fan, they always seemed to have a dark side and really sharp dark angles (know what I mean?).
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ANYWAYS so this whole acid thing was new to me and I was nervous/thrilled/anxious all at the same time. We got the tiny pieces of paper, 6 in all, 2 for each of us and jumped back in the car to ride back to the house, before we started driving, we all put the paper in our mouths and I just thought to myself, this is it!
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<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span>
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As we were driving home, B called his friend who had done the same acid the day before to ask her what she thought. Come to find out (B told me this a year later) the girl said it was the strongest acid she had ever had and that we should not take more than 1/2 - 1 blotter, we had taken 2! I'm grateful that B didn't tell us that, who knows where our trip would have gone starting off with that mindset! So here we are, pulling into my drive way, running inside like little kids and we decided to through everything we could find that was waterproof into the pool! (pool toys, snorkeling gear, plastic tubs, outdoor umbrellas, bubble wrap, you name it) We put some relaxing jack Johnson on the outdoor stereo and swam around with flippers and goggles! Up until this point I hadn't noticed anything different and wasn't sure what changes to look for then all the sudden couldn't feel the water any longer <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">all the sudden couldn't feel the water any longer</div></div>, I couldn't tell when my body was in or when it was out, or the temperature of it either! It freaked me out a little and I thought to myself, could I drown?!?! Then B yelled, 'Look at the trees! They are dancing to the music!' Sure enough, as I ripped off my goggles and looked toward the blue sky, the trees, the flowers, bushes were all swaying to the music as if they were dancing and enjoying our company!!! It was so beautiful! I kept staring at them all in amazement, I felt they each and every part of the nature in the backyard were smiling and dancing with us! I could have stared at the trees all day long in that state without getting bored for a moment!!
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Me, B, and my boyfriend C were now in a circle in the shallow end all with floaty toys laughing swimming around, I felt as if I was one with everything, I could not tell the difference between the water, myself, the trees, the music, C, B, the toys, the feelings we all had... it was amazing! There were no barriers! I thought to myself, holy shit I'm tripping on acid! Without warning you go from the reality you live in everyday to a whole new reality that you never knew existed, all in the blink of an eye!
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Not knowing what time it was, we decided to get out of the pool and go inside to see. Getting out of the pool was beyond strange. Being in the pool sober and then transitioning into a full blown acid trip then trying to get out of the pool and walk....are you crazy?!? As we climbed out of the pool B runs and jumps off the diving board out of nowhere, then C follows and does the same thing! I was thinking hold shit I'm going to drown! Then I thought, what the hell and ran and jumped off the driving board too! As I came up to the surface, I remember seeing the water splash and waves came over me and it was the strangest thing I had ever seen/witnessed, I didn't feel a thing, nor did I know where my body ended and where the water began. I climbed out of the pool and followed the boys inside. That's when things got really strange. I walked into my house, but it wasn't my house! Nothing looked right, i felt like I was in some strange house and I could explore every corner, it was so exciting and I couldn't wait to get started! The strange thing about acid I realized, was that, everyone is having their very own trip, and you don't have just one trip on LSD, there's thousands!!! We all pretty much went our separate ways at this point, exploring the rooms in the house, different objects, It was quite entertaining.
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About half way through I ran downstairs and on a piece of paper wrote: 'What is life all about?' I put it right smack in the middle of the kitchen with a pen, hoping C and B would somehow come across it in there journey and write something down! To my surprise, B and C both found it and I read what they wrote an hour or so later, what they wrote was breathtaking, real, honest, realizations that could only come from the magnificent power of acid. There were so many things I wanted to experience, I decided to take a shower and little did I know, this shower would become an epiphany of a lifetime. I got in the shower and I felt as though someone was talking to me, a voice echoing in my head, someone unfamiliar but I realized that that someone was me, but not only was the someone me, that someone was everyone I knew, that someone was all the material things I had, all the living things on this earth and then I realized that this voice was 'god' and this 'thing'/'me' knew all the secrets of the universe! Suddenly I knew all the answers to so many questions! I kept going farther and farther and deeper and deeper trying to reach that 'one answer' the answer to ALL questions... but I couldn't... quite reach it... But I was ok with that, I knew so much already! Everything in life made perfect sense for that one moment, the most blissful feeling. And then I realized that its not you against me, we are all the same thing! We are ALL god! It was the most perfect moment in my life. And as soon as it came, it was gone! <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">It was the most perfect moment in my life. And as soon as it came, it was gone!</div></div>
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I got out of the shower and I ran down the hall looking for B or C and finally ran into C and gave him a big hug, wanting to tell him what I had just experienced but one look at his face and I knew I didn't have to explain anything! The rest of the night was fantastic, I stood in front of the mirror naked, for what seemed like days, examining my body, trying to understand how I could criticize something so beautiful? I wanted to scream on the top of the roof to everyone that would listen that life is so wonderful and why would anyone waste a moment by being sad or angry or frustrated or any negative emotion when we have so much to be happy about! When we can make our own destiny and we decide what our futures hold! I had such inner peace that night and I cannot to get back to that mind set! I absolutely love LSD and I understand that not all acid trips go like this, actually 3 years after this trip I decided to do acid again with some new roommates and the trip went anything but good. We actually managed to get lost in the forest at night and had to walk 6 miles home.. but that's a whole other story. I refuse to let that experience override this trip, because I honestly still believe that if everyone had the change to open their minds, discover what we are all capable of in this life, understand whats important, we would all be a lot happier. One of these days I want to experience acid the way I experienced it in 2005. What an amazing experience.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2006</td><td width="90">ExpID: 76269</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 23, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,254</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=76269&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=76269&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">450 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">40 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/propranolol/">Pharms - Propranolol</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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<!-- Start Body -->
I am 37 years old male. I have tripped on DXM over 20 times in past 20 years and in last few years psychedelics about same amount of occasions. I have combined DXM and 2C-C once and milder dissociative MXP with mushrooms and acid two times both. Dissociatives seem to boost psychedelic trips in me enormously. I'd say about 5 times any given dosage. I was quite concerned about this trip because I knew this would be a hell of a trip and it could last for 12 hours or so. In subjective time span that would seem like a week.
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I have suffered from recurrent depression since I was in fifth grade. In last few years I have been in individual and group therapy and took antidepressants for two years. I almost committed suicide while taking Cipralex (escitalopram) and divorced my wife while taking Effexor (venlafaxine). Things that I probably wouldn't have done without these mind interfering drugs. The divorce it seems now was at the end a great thing, but almost killing oneself is one hell of a side effect. I stopped using the drugs for about a year ago. They are very addictive too. I had very severe withdrawal symptoms although I dropped the dosage very very slowly.
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During the past year I have introduced myself to the wisdom of ancient American cultures. Namely 'Toltec' wisdom, which doesn't refer to the actual nationality of Toltecs. 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Toltec Wisdom' is the most revealing selfhealing book I have ever read, and I have read many. So I had decided to become a warrior - in a Toltec non violent way. In recent months I have also read Carl Jung. It was mindblowing. What he mostly discusses is dreamworld but his theories of subconscious applies very well to psychedelic experience.
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I had done this active imagination thing that Jung describes for some time. It consist of talking to the character's of your subconscious like they would be real persons - and for your mind they are as real as you and me. A few days prior to the trip I realised that nobody has ever listened to the 'Rage' entity of my mind. My temper and especially efforts to control Rage has been the most significant thing to cause me depression in the long run. So I started to ask Rage 'How are you doing?'. And it was astonished (in my imagination). 'What? No one has ever asked me that.' I knew how I really could meet Rage face to face. To remind me I wrote myself a note in big red letters:'MEET RAGE'. I thought I would meet something like a flaming demon. But it was something completely different.
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I had done the separation process of DXM from the cough syrup the day before. I drank the liquid which didn't taste as awful as I remembered.
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After half an hour it started to take effect and the usual nausea came in. It seemed worse than ever. I had to throw up three times - but at that point the DXM had completely absorbed as I had calculated. When the nausea gave up a little after one hour or so, I put the acid blotter in my mouth and took Propral 40mg described for panic attacks to lower heart rate. My heart always tends to go for over 100 beat per minute in the come up of psychedelics, which results in thoughts like 'I'm gonna die'.
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The acid took effect faster than ever. After half an hour I was tripping out as hell. The thing with DXM and acid combo is that DXM causes closed eye visions and acid enhances them. I put Synaesthesia's Desideratum album on and closed my eyes on a mattress. I used also a scarf as a blindfold since it was daytime.
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It is said that normal consciousness uses about 10 percent of the total brain capacity. New brain scans show that on acid all the brain is activated. So when that happens you jump from 10 percent CPU usage to 100 percent. Your mind seems to process soooooooo fast. I don't remember much of the things travelled past in the subsconscious cosmos of my mind but I know I came back with the most important pieces.
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The closed eye visions were very solid. Much more touchable and lifelike than usual psychedelic visions. At first everything was spinning in fractal like spirals in unbelievable speed. But then there evolved some more solid things.
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It was not a sphere but two combined together. Like two cells - or atoms. There was something spinning around it in small circles of light, with the speed of light. It was like covered with small glowing yellow circles and further away there was bigger more mercurial globe around. It reminded me of womb. I said to myself: 'Ok. Now I can say, I have been to the beginning.' Yet I knew it was not a real 'beginning' but it has always been and always will be. I don't know if it was the 'beginning' of the universe, was I there as a two cell organism in my mother's womb OR as it seems most likely from the shape of the thing: was I a hydrogen molecule. What makes me believe this was a real memory is the very realistic manner of this trip and I have remembered many forgotten things in past dissociative trips.
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I have before come to a solution that if consciousness is about to evolve in the universe, there has to be some kind of consciousness in the particle level of things too. In quantum mechanics it has been shown that even the smallest particles can 'communicate' or 'learn' from each others spin. And it is communicable without restrictions of distance. So everything would be interconnected somehow.
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But anyways, if I was conscious already when I was a two cell organism, it has wide ethical implications. Abortion would really be a murder. And veganism would be as ethical as meat eating.
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After that scene there was just me. And as me I mean the Consciousness in empty space. I was wondering 'what the hell is ego loss, if I have come this far I would certainly have had that happen if it was about to happen'. Maybe I just have very small ego anyways, because I realise in everyday consciousness too that I am not my body or mind - that I am just the consciousness observing. Consciousness knew it has always existed, and always will. And in this exact form. It would never merge with other, but always be part of the other, yet always individual observer.
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This reminds me of the new physicists theory that space is not unlimited but time is. So the universe has always existed. There was not big bang. For me it's just an old theory like flat earth was centuries ago. Universe seems to be always expanding because it swirls inside itself like I have seen in another acid trip. That would explain much better the thing that universe seems to expand to all directions no matter which point it is observed. In big bang theory there should be a point where everything expands from. That broken theory has just been fixed with duct tape solution of 'the bang happened at the same time everywhere' which is like saying that 2 + 1 equals 4 because another 1 was hiding behind the 1 we saw.
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Anyways after that I had a religious experience. I had the halo exactly like Jesus and other religious figures have in paintings. It was like pure electricity. And at some point I might have had some kind of out of body experience. My consciousness seemed to get out of the body for a moment but only a few inches after it returned. I probably didn't give in enough for that to happen in full scale. I love my body too much to leave it alone.
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After a while I returned to the time when I was born. I swirled through my life like a supercomputer searching for information that it was supposed to find. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">After a while I returned to the time when I was born. I swirled through my life like a supercomputer searching for information that it was supposed to find.</div></div> And then I found it. I was probably about 4 years old or may be younger. There was a situation. A feeling. I had given it my own name, because there wasn't any discussion about feelings in my family. So I couldn't know the common name of the feeling. I had called the feeling 'puukka'. I had remembered that word in another trip but back then it meant something like sadness. This time it meant complete frustration and rage. So it seems to have been a general concept for unbearable feelings for me.
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The scene was very very realistic. It was like very real and vivid memory. I was standing outside. I was in the edge of forest. My father was in front of me. My brother was a bit further away by my side. My father was yelling at me 'You can't hit your brother!' like a thunder. My ears were hurting. I was feeling enraged and very frustrated. 'I am very very pissed off and I am not allowed to do anything?' I though. I looked my brother and he was in a posture of shame: head down, shoulders in down-forward position. So I decided back then that I should be ashamed of this feeling. Be ashamed of something that is part of me.
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At first I was going to pass this memory, because it was so hurtful. But now me, the Consciousness (or God) said:'No, this is it. This was never dealt with.' And I returned to the scene. As I am God, one piece of God, and the Almighty in my subconscious reality, I could of course change it. So I started the scene over and reenacted it. This time I was the little boy and also the father at the same time. And as father I said 'You are not allowed to hit your brother' in very firm but calm voice but then I added that 'but you can shout out as loud as you can.' There is no way to describe the relief of the little boy. 'I can???!!!' His head rose up like a spring and his posture went immediately straight. As I later looked in the mirror, I realised that my posture had changed in the same way. Like my chest had opened up. I wasn't a little ashamed boy anymore. I had grown to be a Man. Adult. I had had my initiation.
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I don't know if this could have happened before. I think it was only now when all the pieces of the puzzle came together. I have now son the same age that the disturbing events happened. He has the same temper as I do. I probably couldn't relate before to the role of a father of a fire child before and forgive my real father.
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It has been only two days since the trip and the DXM afterglow is still on. But I know this change will last. It will change everything. My relationships to other people and especially me. I know now that there is nothing wrong with me. There never was. I am just made of fire!
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After stopping for a moment to that clear and vivid scene the subconscious cosmos started to swirl all over again in lightspeed. At some point I checked the time and only two hours had passed since I took the acid when it seemed like 20 to me. 'Oh God, this will still go on for hours.' I couldn't measure my pulse, since my time span was very different from normal so I used a blood pressure meter. The blood pressure was just a little above normal and pulse normal, so I decided I am not going to die. But still I would have taken neuroleptics if I had any to stop the trip. It felt so unbearable. Luckily I didn't have any and I realised I could slow things a little bit by keeping my eyes open.
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When the trip was coming down there was a drawing pattern sliding in the ceiling. They were amazingly similar to art of Native Americans. And they were really solid. Like real objects. I had a color changing LED spot and all the shadows and light angles were as perfect as real. This kind of solidity of visions I really can't get with only acid. And when I was trying to go to sleep there were these very realistic closed eye scenes. One was some kind of a record shop. First there were lots of people but then they went away one by one. Then there was left just the record shell. It stayed there moveless for ages. It became really annoying. Even in last evening the day after the trip I saw very realistic woman next to me in bed when I closed my eyes. Of course I had sex with her and it was very lifelike even though I didn't even have an erection in reality. This combination of drugs was very cool in every way.
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The strangest thing of the trip was yet to come. The day after the trip I went on the scale. And I couldn't believe my eyes. I had lost 6 kilos (13 pounds) in the last 24 hours. Also the fat percentage showed to be down 4 percent. So it was not all fluids. I didn't think that would be possible. Without any exercise and I did eat in the evening of the trip day, too. I thought I had invented some kind of a metaphysical way to lose weight. But today when I went to the scale again, the 6 kilos were back. It's a digital scale, so it could have malfunctioned. But it has never malfunctioned before. So could I have still been partly levitating after the trip? They say Jesus levitated up to the heavens. May be when you are really high, you really are high.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108706</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 37</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 22, 2016</td><td>Views: 4,746</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108706&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108706&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">DXM (22), LSD (2) : Glowing Experiences (4), Depression (15), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 tablets</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis - Hash</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/coffee/">Coffee</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
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Back in the late 80's and early 90's I was into the Raving scene which gripped the UK. Me and my girlfriends were training as nurses, while living it up at the weekend as hard as we could. We smoked hash, took pills (usually being sold as MDMA) but we didn't know otherwise. When we couldn't find pills, we would score a gram of speed and drop a trip or two. I enjoyed dancing and socialising on amphetamines, but they always struck me a plain or one dimensional compared to my favorites MDMA and acid.
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The rave scene was less cliquey then. You could go along and meet all kinds of folk and the music was less genre specific. I remember one new years eve at Kaos in Leeds where DJ Sasha would be mixing an acapella of Whitney Houston over Leftfield's Not Forgotton. There was a kind of hippyish element those days, and a spark of youthful rebellion. The scene connected disparate groups from society, from football casuals to tree huggers and anarchists.
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<br>
As the scene entered into the media coverage of the day, the powers that be decided to enact laws (The Criminal Justice Act) outlawing unorganised gatherings of people where music 'Wholly or partly characterised by repetitive beats' was played. This added a certain frisson to the events I attended on occasion at disused warehouses or airfields etc. We loved it. The legal situation seemed to help build a broad coalition of alternative type people. Before mobile phones were common, these events were organised fairly haphazardly. The first you would know was perhaps someone handing you a flyer as you left a club. Then we'd jump in the car and seek out these obscure locations.
<br>
<br>
One Saturday night/Sunday in 1991 me and my friends had left either Kaos or Soak in Leeds and were looking for our next options. We had all swallowed 2 pills and a trip over the course of the evening. Driving down to Coventry that night though for a rumoured warehouse party which might or might not take place was not tempting. Some sleazy guys were trying to get us to come to their party, but it was all blokes, and they just looked wretched having spent their evening gurning next to a bass bin.
<br>
<br>
<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span>
<br>
<br>
C. suggested we go to the Motorway services for coffees. We all had a couple more pills and an extra trip each in our pockets. We wanted to go somewhere, be part of something else before going back to our digs.
<br>
We pulled into the 24 hour services and I persuade E to get the coffees. She was always very adept at appearing calm and rational despite whatever drugs she had consumed. She was a petite blonde and still pretty well presented considering we had been jumping about for the previous seven hours. Anyway, sitting by a window overlooking the motorway, we hatched a plan. We watched the traffic pass through the night below us, while discussing the night's best moments. C had looked like she'd pulled with a beautiful early 20s latino looking guy. He was a cool dancer and kept warping into these body popping moves around her. I said to myself at one point,'He's Plastikman.' and I ended up connecting the Armand Van Helden track 'Witchdoctor' with him. It seemed he had his eyes on C, but he was considerate and danced with all of us. I remember thinking - 'I bet he's gay or something'. I was right, because another nice looking guy a little older came over and his face lit in that way that tells you when someone is really pleased. I looked at C but she didn't seem that bothered. We all danced as a group and had a great time. Both the guys and their friends could really dance. They looked as though they were enjoying some kind of chemical inebriations for sure.
<br>
<br>
In those days, you could actually smoke inside the designated area of the services. We decided to retire for cigarettes there with our coffees. Imagine our surprise at seeing the two gay guys in there already, halfway through their cigarettes, It was nice to see them, after the fun we'd had earlier. They said they had some more pills at home and were going to go back, listen to music and get stoned, and invited us along. E and me wanted to go somewhere where we might meet a nice straight guy (All three of us were single then), but C was keen to join them, despite knowing they were an item. Seeing that it was her car and she was driving, we crumbled. We followed them out and got in C's car. I noticed that they had both jumped into a Range Rover, which we were to follow.
<br>
<br>
The drive through the early morning dark was fun. We all decided to wash down another pill and a trip with some cheap flat cola that had been sitting in C's car for a long time. She told me that she had bought it as a cheap substitute for toilet cleaner one time, but just kept forgetting to take it out of the car to her bathroom. We had been liste ning to Rave music all night, but now C had put a cassette of Can 'Tago Mago' on. I love that album. Groovey but yet weird at the same time. One track has the German vocals going backwards over it's relentless but chilling groove.
<br>
<br>
We followed the tail lights of the big 4X4 for what seemed like an eternity to our frazzled minds. I noticed us heading north, towards Skipton. Just after Skipton they abruptly turned off after rounding a corner, and we went past the turn. C stopped when we realised their tail lights were no longer in front. We turned an came across the track they'd taken. It was a little rough, so I could see how their Range Rover was just the job. We still couldn't see their lights though, and began thinking that we should have carried on straight ahead instead. C and E were beginning to think we'd lost them, and perhaps ourselves. I was sure this was the way they'd come. We bickered a little about it and our decision-making apparatus was not in the finest condition, owing to the drugs which were beginning to make themselves felt again. My trippy mind was obsessing about plastic and its manifold virtues, examining the finish of the interior of C's sweet little Austin Mini (which she called 'Boo').
<br>
<br>
Anyway we trundled further along until I noticed headlamps behind us this time, and gaining fast. C got a bit paranoid and started accelerating herself. The little mini was shaking and juderring in ways which I am sure it was never meant to. The other car was gaining on us though, as C sped rally style through the night. The track was surrounded by woodland but the night sky was clear above us, and lit by the kind of starlight you only get away from the big city. We were also worried that this might be a cop behind us so we swallowed our 4th and final pills for the evening, just in case. It wasn't going to make much difference though, seeing that I had a half oz of squidgy redseal in my knapsack in C's boot (trunk if you are US). I was thinking 'maybe we should stop' just as C declared the same. 'I don't care, we've done nothing wrong. We've got no drugs on us now have we? Lets just stop and let them past.' I chickened out of mentioning my hash (which C and E had been enjoying over the evening though they appeared to have forgotten about it.)
<br>
After another couple of bends we saw a farmhouse up to the left of the track so we decided to pull in there, get our bearings and see whether we were going to get any bother from our 'pursuers'. As the vehicle drew up, we realised with an odd kind of relief that it was the two gay guys. They stopped and got out, walking over to us in the Mini, so I wound down the window. 'This is our place, well should I say D's place, but we share it. You gonna come in with us?'
<br>
<br>
It was nice to step out into the cool fresh night air. My senses were finely tuned to the particular conditions of the place and atmosphere. I heard the rustle of nocturnal animals and the gentle wind against the big old deciduous trees around the house. The area was enclosed by dark pine forrest and I could smell that lovely woody smell. It seemed odd to have a farmhouse in the middle of a wood. 'Where do you keep your live-stock then D' I asked. We just have a pussycat called Gigi for catching the mice and a black Labrador named Bruce for companionship here. The woods are Forestry Comission, no ones farmed here for forty years.' I noticed a barn type shack adjoining the house. 'Come in, come in said the younger latino guy J. Inside the hall and with the lights turned on, I realised how fucked up I was. The wood grain in the floor was tangibly rippling and suggesting all sorts of fantastic images that one would not usually associate with floorboards. They led us through to their lounge area where bean bags appeared to be the main form of furniture. 'Would you like drinks?' asked J and we all opted for coffees again. D came through and said, you all look like you could do with freshening up. Our bathrooms upstairs if you want. Help yourself.' I kicked of my trainers as did C and E, C said that my feet were smelling bad.
<br>
<br>
'Could I maybe have a quick shower?' I asked. 'By all means'.
<br>
The bathroom was an elaborate affair with mirror tiles on one wall, and a kind of seat/ledge under the shower. I stripped and jumped under the powerful hot shower. C came into the bathroom along with E and I said 'don't be shy girls - this shower is quite possibly the most benevolent thing in the cosmos right now.' I have a tendency to overegg things when tripping out. They stripped and joined me. We are not lesbians, but the three of us are close friends and we occasionally had been known to fool around together for fun. Sometimes we'd pretend to be lesbians to put off unwanted male attention or just for shock value. But we were all, in the long run, looking for our Mr Rights.
<br>
<br>
We huddled together under powerful hot jet as it washed the aches and stains of a night's Raving from our tired bodies. Personally, I was starting to feel even higher and higher. We had all consumed 2 pills and a trip between 9pm and 3am, but now at 5am, we were being hit all at once with another two pills and a trip. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text"> We had all consumed 2 pills and a trip between 9pm and 3am, but now at 5am, we were being hit all at once with another two pills and a trip.</div></div> We cuddled a bit together seeking some stability amidst the psychedelic onslaught. After our group hug, we soaped each other down and massaged each others shoulders neck and back. The wonderful heightened sensuality of MDMA intoxication enhanced the pure joy of our communion. I stepped out first and dried myself while the other two lingered a little under the shower. There was some giggling and smooching going on there though. I put my head back around the curtain to find E sat on the shower ledge with C knelt between her thighs. One of E's legs rested delicately on E's shoulder. E looked round at me and giggled. 'Come join us St, you know you want to?' And truth be told, I did. The other thing about MDMA is it's potent aphrodisiacal properties. To be honest though, I could not see how I could fit into their current situation. There wasn't really that much room. So I contented myself with rubbing, kissing and nibbling on C's foot as it was the nearest and most available piece of anatomy. I don't know how long we fooled around for because I was on Acid Time, but I did start to remember that we were guests, and had hosts who were kindly entertaining us.
<br>
<br>
After the bathroom and freshened up, we went back downstairs. In the lounge, J and D were cuddling on a long low sofa. A warm gas fire lit the hearth and room, along with dimmed lights. I recognized the Orb playing on the CD. We pulled together some beanbags and draped ourselves out decadently upon them. The bright fireplace was magically absorbing to watch. We all made small talk with our hosts. Which Raves we liked, silly escapades, favorite DJ's etc. Then of course - relationships. J said he was in a committed relationship with D, but they were kind of open, since he confessed he was bisexual rather than gay. I saw C's eyes glint when he said this. At that moment, D pulled out a bag of weed and placed it on the low table. 'Anyone care to do the honours?'. 'Now we're talking. That's just what I'm ready for 'thought I.
<br>
<br>
I offered to build while the chat continued. Politics, music, drugs, art, these guys were really into everything. But not in a showy way, like they were just looking to turn us on to good stuff we might have missed along the way. At some point, and I can't remember exactly how, but the subject of pornography came up. I said I was not against it if it was not driven by coercion or exploitation. E said she couldn't see a way of differentiating. Then she asked me how much money I would take to star in a film. Cheeky. The guys asked if we had ever watched gay porn. I certainly hadn't, but E said she had and she had found it quite arousing, in a voyeuristic way. She took a long drag from the joint I had just passed to her. It was nice to smoke weed. Back then it was all hash usually. The effect was rich, warm and disinhibiting. <!-- J said, we could put on a little show for you if you'd like. I thought they meant a video, but they began to caress each other in no ambiguous way. I was fascinated by these two handsome guys, and the drugs were telling me just to go with it. It was a bizarre scenario, but there was no threat or danger. So we consented to lay back on the comfy beanbags and watch the performance. 'You ladies might learn a trick or two' said D while J separated his member from his trousers and began to mouth it tenderly. C and E snuggled up next to me and we became absorbed in the intricate dance of flesh before us. I saw that J had the more feminine aspect to his character, eagerly and attentively spoiling D with his ministrations.
<br/>
<br/>
I found myself quite aroused as they moved into the 69 position and seemed to meld into one multilimbed mass of ecstatic writhing. I felt the skin of my own soft tummy and slipped my fingers past my waistline, finding myself wet and sensitive. E was on my left and when I looked at her, she looked me back intently to the eye, whilst her left hand came round to stroke my breast. C was still somewhat transfixed by the guys, but I put my arm around her to draw her in with us.
<br/>
<br/>
E began to lift my blouse and as soon as it came off she cupped my breasts and moved to kiss me full on the lips. At that moment I heard a sudden whoosh in my mind's ear, and I was into another zone. A zone where the only thing was sensation, of all shades. Lustful, submissive, raunchy, all these urges fired into my my conscious so that we reciprocally made passionate kisses of immeasurable intensity together. I began to undress her too, and remembered E, who was now paying attention to us as well as the guys. 'Come on girl, you know we can all count on each other' said J to her, as though to give her the thumbs up that this was all cool. She smiled at us with saucer eyes.
<br/>
<br/>
J really appeared to know how to give good fellatio. I could see that D was getting very excited, exclaiming long low 'mmmmmmm's as token of his pleasure. I watched J expertly bringing him to the edge of the abyss and then skillfully pulling away at the last moment. His smooth olive skin contrasted dramatically with D's more Anglo complexion. Yin and yang. Black and White, my mind began riffing on juxtaposition. E wore a flimsy white blouse over her black leotard with yellow Smiley Face picture (!). She cast of her blouse and began to unbutton her hotpants. C pulled down my (by now quite laddered) tights stroked my thighs deliciously. I felt quite exposed, and with the sight of E revealing herself sheepishly, both me and C turned our attentions to her instead. Her delicate white skin and natural blonde bobbed hair around her little dimpled cheeks was a sublime sight. C moved in front of her and began to pull down her panties. She stooped between E's legs for the second time that evening. I moved around behind E and hugged her gently, feeling the softness of her breasts and gently fondling her nipples. From my vantage point, I could kiss E, cuddle her, watch C gently licking and nibbling her and see the guys.
<br/>
<br/>
J had now finished bringing D to full attention. D's member stood proud at right angles to his sprawled form. J held it firmly at the root and began to maneuver astride. I could guess what was coming next. I was curious to see guys do this. I have used a toy there myself, but never let a man do it. I guess I just hadn't met the right guy yet though. I could see how it could be pleasurable in a forbidden way. D now touched J above him and I watched both their faces tense with anticipation and pleasure, as J sank down on his lover. I looked into E's eyes when she turn her head toward me. She was moaning or purring at the sensations C was bringing over her. I kissed her warm inviting lips, which parted and our tongues darted and danced together. Looking again at the guys, J was riding now as passionately and lustily as any girl would on such a nice member. He was rubbing his own, but C had caught on. She deftly suckled E towards a stunningly beautiful orgasm in which she seemed to clench her whole body from tip to toe and then admit a series of sudden judders which made her brow momentarily furrow on each occasion.
<br/>
<br/>
C turned her attentions to the guys. She moved over to them, where J was sitting right back rodeo style, and stroking his own handsome member. She took it in her hand and began to do the job for him. She spat on her dextrous hands and wrapped one around the shaft, the other gathering his balls. Then she moved in to wrap her luscious pink lips around the glans. I was struck by the image of a schoolgirl sucking a lollipop in my minds eye. E was panting gently after her earlier moment. She looked at me with cheeky lust though, so we kind of flowed into a very close and intimate 69 on the mat in front of the others. I had the urge to let them see my puss so I faced my parted thighs toward them while E began to lick and suck on me. She was quite adept, though I was already very horny. The mouth I had kissed so passionately minutes ago was now eating me out. I felt a wet thumb pushing against my bum while her mouth honed in to my most responsive reflexes. She began to finger fuck me with one hand, and caress my clit with the slippy wet fingers of her other. Then I felt her tongue against my bum, gently probing. I wouldn't have let her had I not just showered, but the feeling of soft yielding that I experienced overcame any prudish inhibition. That and the fact that I was extremely euphoric at that point. I ground my pelvis gently upon her hungry mouth, and noticed a tall wardrobe with a door opened. On the door was a full height mirror in which I caught sight of myself, face above E's puss, and behind us, D riding his lover towards some kind of climax with C paying him intent oral attention. She would take him deep into her mouth for a few moments before lifting away completely and the returning to nurse his glans between her pretty lips and with her tongue.
<br/>
<br/>
I could see J was getting his ultimate dream somehow. That thought inspired surges of lust and energy in me and heightened the pleasures of what E was doing for me. I looked down at her own puss, nestled amidst her tidily trimmed strawberry blond pubic hair. It was pretty and and delicate and I made initially gentle forays around and into it with my tongue. She was fresh from her shower, but the tangy musk of her juices added to the mix. She was back to kissing my puss again and I felt that warm wet thumb pushing gently into my now pliable bum. I could feel my own orgasmic stirrings beginning and rising in an incredible surge which was almost scary but somehow still captivating and urgent. I looked again in the mirror where D was reaching a crescendo of gyrations onto which J squirmed with delight. J bucked hard as his orgasm wracked its energies down through him and into his lover. C then took up her sucking more vigorously to J's seeming delight. Then he asked if he could fuck her. He dismounted D and took C by the hands towards us on the mat. The four of us tumbled and writhed together in a hale of sloppy passionate kisses and well placed rubbing. Then J picked up C's legs by the ankles and kind of shuffled her bum next to his member. E positioned herself over C's face and I crouched over the soon to be adjoined parts of c and J. I couldn't resist a lick of the lolly though, and sucked him a little bit until he was pretty hard. Then I delicately pointed his olive skinned cock towards E's wet puss. It entered smoothly with gentle firmness and then began to slowly repeat.
<br/>
<br/>
I wished I could have been in C's shoes at that moment. But I was transfixed by the fluid movements movements before me. I took C's ankles now from J, and he used his free hands to squeeze and part her bum cheeks while he did her. I couldn't see, but I think he was rubbing her bum, by the freaky mucky exclamations she kept making. Again I found myself sucking on C's pretty toes while E touched me also. J's face began to fill with climactic fervour in synchrony with C's own pleasure rising. She panted and huffed in ecstasy as she was consumed by erotic and narcotic ecstasy. She shuddered powerfully and for some time. E had tuned round to kiss her deeply as she came. J still hadn't come, but that was lucky seeing that no protection was being used. I looked at his glistening cock and found the sudden appetite to suck him myself. Kneeling in front of him, I proceeded to make firm rhythmic motions over him with my lips and warm mouth. I felt him tighten and expand inside me and then the pulsing of maybe five jets of warmth around my throat and tongue. He made some kind of guttural grunt as the last shot left him. I could feel him begin to soften, and pulled away, tasting the bittersweet as I licked my lips. I turned to E behind me and we kissed deeply. She wanted to taste him from me and we fell together into making out on the mat again, while J, D and C watched us from the bean bags. I lay back with my pelvis raised, and E lifted my knees up to open me up for her to enjoy.
<br/>
<br/>
She began to work on me slowly, paying careful attentions and causing me to writhe around in delicious frenzy. Whichever way I twisted my body caused erotic energies to track around my body. She slowly inserted a pinky into my bum, while her hungry mouth enveloped my most sensitive parts. I felt like we were now providing a show for the others, who passed a joint amongst themselves while watching us intently. It was a delicious predicament. I felt the fires beginning to catch on and allowed the tension to build over my body, spreading from the nexus of my puss. I stroked and caressed the skin of my tummy and breasts, my nipples exquisitely hard an sensitive. The wonderful orgasm built gradually while E pushed me ever towards it. Bit by bit my conscious mind withdrew until I was left aware only of the sensational intensities playing out in me. The powerful surge took over my whole being and I found myself moaning with almost surprised pleasure at it's onslaught. I felt E's finger push deeper into my bum while she latched her pretty mouth over my clit. I came for what seemed like minutes, huffing and sighing as the almost too intense pleasure left me no where to go. I heard words of encouragement and approval from our audience as my mind began to regain awareness of where and who I was, what was going on. The feelings subsided to more manageable levels.
<br/>
<br/>
I really fancied a puff on the joint that was going round.--> E looked down over me with a knowing smile and lightly caressed my skin with long smooth strokes. I inhaled deeply and with conviction and the smoke soothed and calmed my still psychedelic thoughts toward the realm of dreams.
<br>
<br>
The guys suggested we retire for the night and lead us to their grand kingsize bed. It was room enough for us all to share, with a capacious duvet into which we snuggled, passing a final joint between us to ease us into slumber. I followed the odd trajectories of my thoughts until they drew me into the strange world of sleepy psychedelia. At some point I fell asleep, but it was an indefinite transition over a gradual period.
<br>
<br>
Next morning I felt someone get up, but soon dozed off again. I felt comfy, safe and satisfied as I pondered our adventures of the previous night, and the delicious events that took place. Some time later I was stirred by the smell of fresh coffee and food. J had brought warm buttered croissants which we happily consumed together. I looked at E and C and broad smiles were exchanged. At some point we would have to accept the duties of normal life again, but there was no need to hurry. It was still before mid day and bright sun shone in through the big sash windows of the old farmhouse, bathing us in benevolent warmth.
<br>
<br>
D said what a pleasure it had been to meet us all, and would we like to join them again clubbing in a couple of weeks. We exchanged phone numbers and enthusiastically discussed the possibilities. They had talked of a night in Bradford that they fancied, and offered again to accommodate us afterwards. The plan sounded exciting and I imagined expectantly as to what I'd wear, how many pills to gather, and the other logistics. It was like we had found a perfect setup through which to take in the then blossoming rave culture of our region. And we all agreed that this was our private world, that we needn't share with anyone else. We were good close friends between whom trust was a given proviso.
<br>
<br>
That year, we hooked up again with J and D several times more. They took us to a few more kinky venues than we might otherwise have looked at. We usually retired with them to their beautiful old farmhouse in the wood, where more erotic delights followed amidst the euphoric backdrop and smokey haze. The end of '91 saw C, E and I qualifying as nurses, at which time E moved to Newcastle to take up a job. C decided to take a year out and found bar work in Ibiza for several months. The scene there was getting quite notorious, though not as crazy as it had got by the mid 90's. I went to stay for a week, helping at the bar a bit, and dancing most of the nights away.
<br>
<br>
I took a job in Derby where I worked on a geriatric ward to begin with. It was not my ideal position and I actively sought alternatives until E rang me to tell me of another job in Newcastle. I was succesful and joined her up there in time to enjoy Christmas and New Year Geordie style. It was while there that I eventually met the man who would ask me to marry him two years later. Ch. was a tall gentle musician and labourer. His steady love and kind heart have accompanied me for the past years since. We have two lovely children, K and B, at school now. We have shared our past histories frankly and honestly so that there are no problems of trust. I am a loyal person and he fulfills my every need. We occasionally smoke pot together, and maybe once a year, try something more exotic, but with having children, you become more responsible out of love for them. I do not regret any of those past moments, and would regret more if I had not explored them. We gradually lost touch with J and D. That was OK though. We all had our own lives to lead.
<br>
<br>
I still have the mental map to their farmhouse, but they might not still live there, or even be together anymore. I hoped they were both as happy as I am now. C has a fiancee, while E has settled in to cohab with an older male nurse from her work. Both girls are in good places, and we will all hook up a couple of times per year, usually in Newcastle. We are none of us 'hardcore' anymore though. Our reunions tend to consist of a nice restaurant followed by some coffee and smoke on the patio at the back of our house. When I listen back to the music of those early years, time has not been very kind to it. But the intense memories triggered by some of the tunes still play havoc with my emotions, in a good way.
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<br>
All in all, I wanted to get the point across that youthful hedonism does not necessarily lead to life failure and disappointment. The trick is maybe to find the right supportive friendships, and knowing when to say enough is enough with regard to the drugs.
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<br>
I have more stories to tell, perhaps another time. I [share] this now after discovering my piecemeal diary jottings from that time, when having a clean out in the loft. I also found a big bag of various event flyers which I'd collected around then, always meaning to collage them and frame them somehow for posterity.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1991</td><td width="90">ExpID: 95435</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 24, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,606</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=95435&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=95435&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Various (28), Relationships (44), Sex Discussion (14), Retrospective / Summary (11)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nbome">NBOMe Series</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">155 lb</td>
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25i-NBOMe [or potentially other NBOMe series compound] and HPPD
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<br>
Basically me and a buddy dropped a couple blotters for our first time and tripped our nuts off for 2 days and were unable to crash without sleeping pills after being totally exhausted. The experience was everything from horrid to incredible. Hallucinations like no other that I'm not even going to try to describe.
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<br>
Anyway the trip is not the reason I'm writing, but the never-ending after-affects. Its been over two thirds of a year and they are still very intense. From derealization to intense after-imaging and hallucinations. But the only issue this drug has brought me is intense anxiety. I have never been an anxious person until now. I think the anxiety is related to my mind processing too many details in the environment around me like noise and movement. I can't even look at a carpet for too long with out it moving or sparkling. If I focus on a complex design in one specific spot the whole room in my peripherals will go dark and I will be tripping. I can control some of the visuals but the anxiety and weird wonders about reality are always constant. Driving in the night is trippy. Signs multiply and all lights and reflections have intense halos that is very distracting because that are neat to look at sometimes.
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The weirdest part about it is the person I dropped with is a relative and they are feeling the same after effects as myself unlike the rest of my friends who all tell me they came down and out of the trip just fine.
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I'm interested in how many others this drug affected this way. I spoke with my doctor about my condition and we are experimenting with different anxiety medications to help me calm down.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2013</td><td width="90">ExpID: 100975</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 1, 2016</td><td>Views: 4,586</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=100975&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=100975&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 25I-NBOMe (542), NBOH Series (617) : Health Problems (27), Post Trip Problems (8), HPPD / Lasting Visuals (40), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
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</table>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/mushrooms/">Mushrooms</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 24:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/methoxphenidine/">Methoxphenidine</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 24:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/coffee/">Coffee</a></td>
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</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">205 lb</td>
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<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Solstice-
<br>
A Weekend of Fabulous Neon Freddie Mercury Bore Worms
<br>
<br>
Chemicals:
<br>
First Dose- 8 hits of Acid, 225 micrograms per hit (total 1,800 Micrograms)
<br>
<br>
Second Dose- At least 8 hits of Acid (possibly 10), again 225 micrograms per hit (total 1,800 Micrograms)
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<br>
Third Dose- An Eighth of Shrooms while on the Second 8 Hits of Acid
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<br>
Fourth Dose- A Quarter of Shrooms
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<br>
Fifth Dose- 6 More Hits of Acid, 225 micrograms per hit (total of 1,350)
<br>
<br>
Sixth Dose- 100mg of 2-meo-diphenidine
<br>
<br>
(Varying hits of strong sativa marijuana throughout)
<br>
<br>
Background:
<br>
I am an avid psychedelic enthusiast. I have done many different RCs in varying combinations and amounts; acid, shrooms, MDMA, and a few other odds and ends here and there. I also have a natural chemical imbalance which causes me to regularly produce too much serotonin, thereby making it often seem like I am rolling of my own accord. We have discovered that this imbalance causes me to need a larger amount of chemicals to get where I want to go and then no matter how far I go I tend to keep a level head about myself.
<br>
<br>
Solstice:
<br>
Some friends and I went off to the first annual Solstice EDM/Psytrance festival in the mountains of my home state. We have been to the location for many festivals thrown by the same group and rabidly look forward to each one. So, already, set and setting has emotions high on the happy end of the scale.
<br>
<br>
(Set is a stunning valley in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by lush green forests, mountains; it has two lakes, bridges, hidden coves and copious amounts of walking trails. When decked out for a festival there are torches, lights, tents, dancers, vendors, an overall gorgeous neon-infused carnival type atmosphere. In short, it’s magical. Even completely sober I would be in heaven being there.)
<br>
<br>
Since starting in on the festival circuit it has been a dream of ours to constantly trip from start to finish, but due to varying circumstances and chemical availability we had never been able to achieve this goal… until now.
<br>
<br>
We had been able to get enough acid for our whole group prior to the festival. The acid was 225 micrograms per hit; tested with a test kit and orally prior to the festival (very strong, very psychedelic, very pure and very clean. The best acid any of us had ever had so far.) We also had available to us a variety of Research Chemicals, pot and a friendly neighbor at our camp site kept us in a constant supply of extremely good home grown shrooms.
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<br>
I was dressed as Freddie Mercury for the first day/night of the festival.
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I smoke a few hits of weed from my cousin’s pipe, then at 5:30pm I and my best friend took 8 hits of the uber acid, then went up onto a hill side for the come up.
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<br>
As when we tested the acid previously the come up was fairly swift, taking a little less than an hour. First effects where shadows moving rapidly over the landscape as if the sun was rising and setting quickly; things in motion developed moving trail behind them and the body high was nearly overwhelmingly orgasmic. When the acid enters my system I tend to get a sensation that I can only describe as “the acid blanketing my brain like a warm blanket.” <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">When the acid enters my system I tend to get a sensation that I can only describe as “the acid blanketing my brain like a warm blanket.”</div></div> This sensation occurred and almost made me pass out from delight.
<br>
<br>
We waited on the hillside a long time, I wanted to make sure we would be able to stand and walk before we went off on an adventure. The landscape became enveloped in technicolor three strip splendor and the leaves and trees began to twist and sway unnaturally. Once I determined I wouldn’t pass out we walked down the hill; as we went further and further sounds began to exaggerate and distort. Everything had an echo as if walking through a tunnel, bird calls happened that couldn’t be happening, voices came in from out of nowhere <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Everything had an echo as if walking through a tunnel, bird calls happened that couldn’t be happening, voices came in from out of nowhere</div></div>; it was as if I was hearing everything that I could possibly hear all at one time.
<br>
<br>
The trees got taller and were textured with swirling, semi-geometric patterns. The path got longer and wider; the rocks on said path looked like tiny skulls crunching beneath my feet. We walked out into the open expanse in front of the big wooden gazebo that housed the stage. There was no music playing yet, just sound being tested, so we decided to go back to the camp. The sound testing seemed to bother my friend also on 8 hits; he mentioned “static being in the air.” I couldn’t quite tell that he was seeming to begin to have a rough time as I was distracted by the now intensely over the top audio hallucinations (looping bird chirps, looping whispering voices and hisses, the Friday the 13th “chh chh chh ha ha ha”, all coming in from nowhere, mixing in with what seemed like being able to hear every conversation going on at the entire festival.)
<br>
<br>
By the time we got to the campsite reality was visually folding in on itself like layers of blankets, over and over again; colors and shadows were rapidly cycling now, flashes of light were happening all around me, it was surreal and beautiful (somehow, as always, despite not quite being able to tell what the world actually looked like I could communicate and interact with it just fine.) Typical of my trips all of my friends and most of the people at the festival looked relatively normal and appeared to just be “green screened” in on top of the hallucinations.
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<br>
The sound testing back at the stage was growing more annoying for my friend at this point but I was in good spirits. I felt full of silliness and smugness, the body high was enormous; I think that I’ve probably never felt better in my life. The lack of music playing was causing the audio hallucinations to grow louder and become more frequent, this was very noticeably bothering my friend now (he mentioned being in pain from it, but still, it didn’t quite register as being serious.) Our other friends couldn’t believe we were up and walking around with 1,800 micrograms of acid in our systems.
<br>
<br>
Eventually music began to play and we eagerly decide to go back to the stage. As we travel trees multiply and edit past us, the grass grows taller and shorter and sways back and forth to the growing beat. The music sounds hollow and distant, somewhat menacing, but also exciting. The world now has a cartoonish feel to it, almost like a living oil painting with a bit of cell shading for details. I can no longer tell exactly what colors are what (my friend also on 8 hits is dressed as a horror version of the Joker, my eyes switch his purple clothes with the green of his hair and vice versa; he also had green on his hands from applying the hair spray and I thought it made his hands look swollen and bruised causing me some concern especially with his increasingly distraught demeanor.)
<br>
<br>
As we get closer to the stage and the music becomes louder and more compelling my happiness and smugness swell even further. The stage is bouncing and pulsing in time with the beat, glowing like a beacon before me. I move faster and faster toward it, then just as we are about to walk up onto the stage my friend breaks away sharply and swings back toward the camp. I immediately walk after him, as we are always trip buddies and care for one another just in case one of us has a bad time.
<br>
<br>
My friend is repeatedly complaining of static in the air and being in pain all over from it; I realize he is verbally looping. I try to walk him in the direction of the camp but we are lost now due to visual confusion. The trail is bright white, it looks like it is made of light; the trees and cabins around the lake are a blur of colors and I can’t tell if the lake is a lake or if it is the sky. Somehow we end up near the cars. My friend is now repeating nothing but being in pain, worried he is ruining everything, that he has hurt people, that he is being arrested (he had a bad trip once and got tazed and taken in by the cops, so he tends to drift there mentally when things go south for him) I keep telling him that he is fine, we just need to get back to the camp so he can calm down.
<br>
<br>
Since we are near the cars I want to try and take him to our vehicle but I can't tell what car is what as it just seems like a literal sea of cars, endlessly stretching off into the rolling, moving, undulating, waving hills. I stop both of us, grounding myself for a moment, then lead us in the direction of the camp. The walk to the camp from the cars is strange, the world is twisting and turning like a funhouse, but otherwise looks kind of normal.
<br>
<br>
Once at the camp I make my friend sit; he is now doing nothing but looping his thoughts of being in pain, hearing static, asking how many hits he took, asking if he is ruining everything, asking if he is being arrested, etc. I keep answering him and telling him that he is fine and everything is fine. Once and a while my friend has a moment of clarity and asks if he can have a benzo; I tell him that he can, force him to sit, then go and get it.
<br>
<br>
It takes a long time and repeated conversations but I eventually get him to take the benzo. Then I pull my friend down next to me and we lay and wait for the benzo to do its job. As I lie on the ground and look up at the trees another friend mentions a woodpecker type noise and makes everyone laugh. Everyone gets on a kick/loop of talking about the bird noises, this causes me to see a spiraling kaleidoscope of cartoon birds above me, almost like Drinky Crow; I laugh.
<br>
<br>
My friends loops begin to slowly die down and the moments of clarity get more frequent as the benzo works in his system. I sense his emotional state changing and get a noticeable color shift and softening of intensity around us, it is refreshing. Then, just like that, my friend is back and ready to go. He and I grab some water and head back to the stage. By this point the music is insane and wonderful, pounding off in the distance. The sun has either set at this point or was in the process of setting, I can’t really tell. For me a gorgeous, misty, unnaturally colorfully backlit pseudo night has descended over everything regardless.
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<br>
We don’t so much as walk to the stage as we are pulled to it. Everyone around us appears to be floating just above the ground, drawn to the lights and music like a magnet. Suddenly we are walking up onto the stage. The deco is fantastic, like stretchy alien sinew awash with neon. My body moves fluidly as the music fills me and drives me. Everyone at the stage is moving, almost in unison; we all feel connected and feed off of each other’s energy.
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<br>
The stage looks like a panther’s face to me, eyes glowing and yellow; everyone is intense and gorgeous, lost in their own little worlds, but still actively together. I feel god like. I dance endlessly, compelled and delighted to move. The air pulses and vibrates with each beat of the bass; an infectious purr hums through everyone sounding as if we are all some sort of machine-animal. Everything is sensual, pleasurable the height of happiness.
<br>
<br>
My friend and I decide to leave the stage and go for a walk; we go off into the darkness, lighting our way with a portable strobe light. The trees look skeletal and menacing, with each flash of the strobe light screaming faces of Angela from the end of Sleepaway Camp come flying out at me (for whatever reason this is a typical occurrence of a lot of my trips.) We climb a hill on the other side of the lower lake. The hill is endless and covered in a fog machine type mist that doesn’t exist, rainbow colored sparkles fill the air like camera flashes.
<br>
<br>
We sit and look down at the valley, it is stunning; everything is crisp and beautiful lit by the giant anime-like moon. We can see every star in the sky, probably more than actually exist. The stars sparkle and shoot and move in the blackness, it is glorious. My friend pulls out his phone and listens to a song. I lay and look up at the sky, hearing the endless ambient noise of nature mixing with the music, distorting and warping, making new sounds and new songs of it’s own. My friend gives me the headphones and plays Bloodsuckers by Liquid Stranger for me. The song is brassier, and more fun than it usually is, enhanced and dynamic. The music causes the trees to bounce and sway with the beat; small speakers shoot at me from each star playing notes of the song; I am delighted.
<br>
<br>
My friend and I decide to do more acid, so we rise and walk down the hill. The hill seems like a vertical cliff face and we are cartoonishly walking down it at a 90 degree angle. The walk back to our camp is at once eternal and too quick. My friend does 4 more hits and I do 8 (possibly 10, it was hard to count them) then we went back to the stage.
<br>
<br>
The stage has morphed into a giant snake head, constantly moving it’s eyes around the crowd and opening it’s jaws, clamping them down upon everyone; hissing and spitting venom in time with the music. At this point a new friend we made walks over and asks if we would like some shrooms, we say sure… He gives us way more than expected, about an eighth each. We continue dancing and dancing and dancing inside the snake’s mouth.
<br>
<br>
Surprisingly, considering the amount of acid I’m on, the shrooms hit quickly and well, adding a lovely, swirly vibe to the proceedings. In fact everything takes on a distinctly pastel/oil painting tone and becomes very cinematic and pronounced. My friend and I go for a walk and end up at a dock by the upper lake.
<br>
<br>
We lay down on the bench and it feels like we are floating miles above the water… We look off toward the stage and the water, lights, trees and everything form just this endless expanse of Lovecraftian madness; an indescribable, moving, living creature of the night stretching off into infinity.
<br>
<br>
Deciding to move again we head off in the direction of the far side of [the venue]. The music fades off into the distance as we climb further up the mountain. The area we are in already kind of has an industrial vibe with a lot of broken down vehicles, pipes and the like lying about, but in our state it becomes this massive abandoned factory/desert looking area. At the end of this area we know there is a tunnel of trees we always call “the spider tunnel” due to the way it looks when light hits it in the day time. At first we just want to look into it, as we are afraid there might be actual spiders inside it, but then we say fuck it and plunge on in.
<br>
<br>
The entrance looks very menacing, almost like a giant, moving black wall. The wall vision fades away and we enter the tunnel, again, lighting it with our portable strobe light. For the first time it actually feels like a tunnel of trees, just way longer than usual. It’s actual length is less than a football field but this time it seems to go on for about a mile. Once on the other side the sun is starting to come up way off in the night, casting everything in a blue haze.
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<br>
We stand on the hillside looking down at the valley and stage. The stage looks like a 3-D pop up display and the people dancing inside look like shadows of ballerinas swaying back and forth in perfect unison. We stand for a long time just watching everything as the sun seems to rise at rapid pace. As the light grows brighter reality seems to paint into existence in front of us; everything being a perfect representation of what it actually is, but still unreal.
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<br>
Midway through the dawning we walk down the hill and head back toward the camp. The still rising sun makes everything seem more and more beautiful and less and less real. It’s like watching a color drenched 1950’s version of a psytrance festival play in front of us.
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<br>
At the camp, we sit and relax for a long beat; then I decide it is time for me to go and change into my next outfit. I walk to my car, my trip seems to be fading slightly, even though everything is still strange and enhanced; I no longer have difficulty finding my vehicle regardless.
<br>
<br>
Once inside my car however it is a different story. All of my bags seem to multiply and overlap, the interior of the car becomes kaleidoscopic, swirling, fractaling shapes made of cycling colors. It takes me a long time and several instances of switching from the front seat to the back and the left side to the right before I feel comfortable enough to shave (I grew a Freddie Mercury moustache JUST for my costume the first day.)
<br>
<br>
Shaving is arduous. The face looking back from me in the mirror seems crazed with delight, my pupils are gigantic, and the pores on my skin come into sharp focus, then fade away, then cycle size and shape over and over again. Just after I put shaving cream on my moustache and hold the razor up to start I pause and watch the flesh peel off my hand, then the veins, then the muscle, until nothing is left but a skeleton. I shake the image away, then shave.
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<br>
Once I am done shaving I slip into my next outfit, Hunter S. Thompson (complete with short shorts, knee high socks, Hawaiian shirt, vintage aviators, a fisherman’s hat and cigarette holder. Seeing myself without facial hair for the first time in a long while is strange, I don’t look like myself at all. I seriously look in the mirror and see the real Hunter S. Thompson, I am pleased.
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<br>
I head back to camp, daytime is in full swing now. Everything is BRIGHT and cheerful. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I head back to camp, daytime is in full swing now. Everything is BRIGHT and cheerful.</div></div> I see every color of nature and the surroundings as if see them for the first time. Once at the camp our new friend/camp neighbor walks over and offers us more shrooms. I pay for them this time, $10 for a whole quarter. I snack on the quarter over the next hour or so and the shrooms are a delight; again, just adding a lovely, happy, swirly demeanor to the reality and semi-visuals still going on.
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<br>
The day moves by in a blur and is mostly spent dancing at the stage.
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<br>
Around 5:30 it begins to rain and we scramble to get everything covered at the camp. My friend and I decide it is time for our next outfits then. I run back to my car, slip out of Hunter S. Thompson and into a pair of colorful neon tights, a blonde wig, a bunch of colorful plastic beads, a head band and then splash my face and torso with UV reactive paints. I have no name for this persona, sort of jokingly referring to him as “Every Raver Ever.”
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<br>
By the time I get back to camp the rain has sadly stopped. My friend and I decide to eat. We get an order of beef brisket nachos from the food truck; they are orgasmic. We then take more acid (6 hits for me) and head back to the stage.
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<br>
Slowly but surely the acid kicks in; as expected, due to tolerance, the acid just enhances the colors and makes me feel like I am having a good, clean, energetic roll. After a couple of hours I decide I want a little bit more than that, so I go back to camp and get 100mg of 2-meo-diphenidine (or as we call it Odd Look), then head right back to the stage.
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<br>
Once at the stage another friend offers to split a cup of coffee with me. For whatever reason the coffee really hits me hard and ramps things highly as the Odd Look works its way into my system; by this time the sun is setting and darkness is descending. Everything becomes hazy and fuzzy around me, I feel loose and good, kind of outside of myself. Everything blurs and fades to the point that it seems like I am looking through reality through a fish tank. I decide to change outfits one more time. By the time I get to my car it is totally dark. I wasn’t tripping super hard again until I climb into my vehicle, but once inside things go insane.
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<br>
Almost as if someone switched on a filter on top of my vision, reality begins to flip flop back and forth. Like… Literally the “screen” of my vision swaps places back and forth, shifting vertically from left to right, all in time with the music that is constantly playing. If I stare in one direction too long not only does the imagery flip back and forth it starts to vibrate and snap zoom closer to me almost like a music video. And THEN on top of that, as if summoning the Final Boss of the day, a creature forms out of nothing in front of me.
<br>
<br>
The creature looks spherical, with two tiny stationary arms coming out of either side; it is made of video feedback loop, with a mouth full of swirling acid hit teeth. The creature is constantly saying “Bore Worm, Bore Worm, Bore Worm, Bore Worm” along with the beat of the music as it zig zags it’s way over my vision eating reality; everything that the Bore Worm doesn’t eat as it goes “Crunch Crunch Crunch” along flies to the upper left side of my vision and then disappears.
<br>
<br>
I manage to change into my last outfit, a plain/dark colored suit and tie, then I stumble out of my car. Whether it be from the Odd Look or due to the flip flopping visuals walking becomes very difficult. The darkness and path beyond the moving Bore Worm appear to be a vast, endless, star field with just a thin sliver of a white beam to walk on. I make my way back to the stage.
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<br>
Once at the stage I cannot focus too long on anything due to the flip flopping visuals, especially looking at the stage décor and dancers. When I look back away from the stage the Bore Worm is constantly flying around eating the vendors, other people and valley, leaving bits and pieces of everything flying off in it’s wake.
<br>
<br>
For some reason I become obsessed with smoking DMT while in this state and I tell everyone to keep an eye out for someone who might be willing to let me try some, then I go off looking for it on my own. I walk on the small beam, through the star field back to the camp. I sit for a while at camp, telling everyone how gone I am (this is the first time Ive ever had an element of a trip seem like it might never stop) then I leave, again because it is very hard to focus.
<br>
<br>
I find myself at the upper lake dock; out of nowhere this Indian man appears and tells me to smoke his DMT. I do smoke it, and everything goes insane. The Bore Worm multiples and fractals and spirals out of control, as before I find myself floating in a realm of indescribable visual insanity above the lake, and the star field goes into hyper drive around me. And then I am back at camp. I tell everyone I found DMT, they are in disbelief… For some reason I am too, I decide to go and find the guy again.
<br>
<br>
I teleport through the star field and am back at the dock; again, appearing out of nowhere the Indian man is there again. The Indian man offers me another smoke, this time telling me it is hash. I smoke from him, the pipe looks the same, the substance looks the same, it all looks and smells the same; I realize the man and what I am smoking are almost certainly a hallucination. This time the visuals don’t go insane, I just realize I am tired.
<br>
<br>
I walk off into the star field and find myself at our friend’s van. My other friend, the one who has been on about as many chems as me is lying in the back, passed out. I climb into the front seat of the van and pass out.
<br>
<br>
I sleep for I don’t know how long, until at least 8:30am, then get up feeling refreshed, with no lingering side effects. I am perfectly sated by the trip, by the weekend, by everything.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108708</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 31</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 15, 2016</td><td>Views: 1,850</td></tr>
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<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Mushrooms (39) : Combinations (3), Entities / Beings (37), Multi-Day Experience (13), Glowing Experiences (4), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This report is for people with Christian backgrounds and beliefs in Christ who are considering taking LSD. Be warned. I learned some interesting things about the nature of 'hell.'
<br>
<br>
I began experimenting with LSD extensively last summer. I was taking it 2 times a week in small dosages and having the time of my life. Everything from working to social interaction to alone time was a game and extremely interesting. I had many insights into possible realities and insights into who I was and nothing was too shocking. This was the honeymoon phase.
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<br>
Fast-forward a year later. After probably 30 trips I finally had a scary experience. Psychologically scary. Reality shattering.
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<br>
The setting was my bachelor pad house. My house was weird...christmas lights strung up everywhere as our ceiling lighting, stadium couches, and roommates NOT usually home. We also had a cat (more on this creature later).
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<br>
A good friend J was over who had only taken acid only once before. J is a friend who I got to know well based on the amazingly open, honest communication we could share since the time we met 2 years ago randomly through a mutual friend. Our goal was to go on a mutual trip of deep conversation about the nature of reality and ourselves, as well as our relationship.
<br>
<br>
We dropped in the evening, about 6 p.m. I have gotten to a point where I can almost immediately feel the effects of a tab of LSD. Very very subtle. It might be placebo.
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<br>
Anyway we launched into conversation about life immediately, sitting at the dinner table with some fruit juice and a couple beers. After about 2 hours of random conversation with nothing too amazing, we got onto the subjects of God, religion, love.
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<br>
I soon realized that me and J were at psychological opposite ends of the universe when it comes to the nature of God, good, and evil. This is when the trip started getting scary.
<br>
<br>
I remember arguing for along time, probably 2+ hours about each of our stances on the nature of God, but making no progress towards an understanding or acceptance of each other's views. This is about the time I entered into a very real, and very scary (I am shivering thinking about it now, almost 6 months later) thought loop. A thought loop is a circular reasoning loop that you cannot easily escape, and has been described by others on LSD. For the rest of the trip (6 hours) until I fell asleep with fear and exhaustion, I would go into my room for a time to escape the painful conversation and then return to the living room to try to remedy our impasse of mutual insight. On each return, I would have EXTREME deja vu to the point of questioning wether or not I could escape my altered state, ever. And mind you I was lucid. No crazy visuals or trouble speaking or seeing. This was all in my head. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">No crazy visuals or trouble speaking or seeing. This was all in my head.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
My room became hell, the place where I was isolated from God, truth and this girl in the living room. She became my salvation. The only way to get out of my self-induced hell was to convince her that I was actually experiencing Hell as described in the Bible, which I could not do. She simply didn't buy it. She remained steadfast in her agnosticism. I also somehow believed she was a figment of my imagination, no longer real but created by me to test myself and my ability to find truth. I felt that if I fell asleep, she would no longer exist the next day, and would haunt my memory forever.
<br>
<br>
The cat mentioned earlier was the cause of extreme mental stress. The cat became a symbol of disorder and confusion, as well as randomness and evil. It simply would not do anything predictable, and seemed to taunt me and hide and show itself at the most inopportune moments.
<br>
<br>
I decided at some point to take a walk around the neighborhood, but it provided no relief. I felt I was walking away from myself and my salvation.
<br>
<br>
I fell asleep probably at 4 a.m. After a very traumatic thought loop rollercoaster.
<br>
<br>
The next day I was shaken, nervous, and very scared that I had gone too far into myself. I went home and told my mother about my trip, she didn't know I had ever tried drugs before. It was a hard conversation but we got through it.
<br>
<br>
Me and J have never been the same since. We remain pleasant, but our friendship was rocked that night in ways I can't easily describe.
<br>
<br>
Since then I have been on a journey of truth seeking and not much has come of it. I believe acid has the power to open your mind so much that the potential realities that it reveals become confusing and ultimately harmful to an individual. Ignorance is bliss as they say. I am instantly reminded of the story of Adam and Eve. The apple of the knowledge of good and evil was plucked at the beginning of time, and we are still plucking it today, for better or worse.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2008</td><td width="90">ExpID: 74344</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 26, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,264</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=74344&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=74344&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">transdermal</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/datura/">Datura</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(tincture)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">transdermal</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/datura/">Datura</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">transdermal</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/coleus/">Coleus</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">transdermal</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/herbs/aloes/">Aloes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(leaves)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">185 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It is now 11:35 P.M. as I sit here writing these words. In the timeless span of a mere eight hours after my ingestion of LSD I can now safely say that I arrived back in my earthly coil for at least the near foreseeable future, however far that could possibly be.
<br>
As my vision still pulsates with the rippling, geodesic shapes to the tune of some massive, incomprehensible algorithm (algor-RHYTHM) the likes of which I could never possibly hope to grasp, I have found it somewhat necessary--this time around--to chronicle my experience.
<br>
<br>
My girlfriend had just gotten home from the hospital. She had just had an invasive procedure performed (minor surgery, Upper GI Endoscopy) to which she had been given Versed and Benadryl during the actual procedure and was now recovering from the after-effects.
<br>
We had discussed the day previous that I would be taking the LSD sometime that weekend, though the exact time of my 'departure' was not specified. It actually coincided perfectly with her 'sleeping off' the initial effects of her dosages from the hospital.
<br>
I must admit, the idea of sitting on a potential '6 hits' of acid definitely stirred in me the desire to get the ball rolling, so, after arriving home, I promptly cut my blotter in half and took 3 doses down the hatch.
<br>
The blotter itself was something that came upon me quite suddenly. One day my distant friend and coworker Chris texts me, 'Do you want mushrooms? I can get acid too.' To which I distinctly remember with fondness replying, 'YES!!!'
<br>
So, a day or two later, here I have this tiny square with some lightning bolts on it. Okay, so, here we go, we'll see if you're worth the paper you're dripped on.
<br>
And so now here we were, with my girlfriend laying peacefully in the living room with her dream pillow (she loves her pillow) in the afternoon sunlight, and I was to be found next door in the master bedroom dissolving the first portion of my trip in my mouth.
<br>
The comeuppance of it all came on rather gracefully, gently even. I had managed to find, underneath our bed (littered with various books on philosophy and the arcane, a veritable 'wizard's library' under our bed! Monsters under the bed!) a book entitled, 'The Great Waldo Search' by Martin Handford. A book, it had turned out, I could never seem to willfully dispose.
<br>
The irony of finding this book to use as a stepping off point for the trip was not lost for a moment, and I welcomed the nostalgic pull back to my childhood as the effects of the acid were slowly starting to creep up into the open recesses of my mind.
<br>
It became a game for me, finding Waldo and his Wizard companion, and his scrolls. All the while the acid started to take hold, making the lines of the drawings crisper. Bringing to light all the little details Martin had plied on each and every character. As I went from page-to-page, world-to-world, things got noticeably livelier one moment after the next.
<br>
The acid was proving to be a worthwhile investment. This made me laugh. The electric currents now softly began to run through me. I began to fully appreciate how the interplay of light and shadow reflected off the hairs of my arms. How everything in the room took on soft, golden hues, interspersed with purple and green.
<br>
My brain would suffer the occasional 'zap' of my grow-lamp buzzing out of control for brief little explosions of sound. Which invariably remind me of what to expect, as I was expecting it, and laughing at the realization of it all.
<br>
My bedroom is a little something that needs explaining. I have a grow-lamp in our bedroom that grows my three friends. The first is Al. He's an Aloe Vera plant (with many 'pups' at the moment). The second is Coleus. A plant possessing a very pleasurable aesthetic (just like its master ;D ). Picture vibrant, green-tipped leaves of dark purple/amber/maroon metallic hues. And my third, and perhaps most important friend, Datura Inoxia.
<br>
Yes, I have a beautiful Datura Inoxia plant in my bedroom that I have been cultivating for several years. I had been trying to align myself with its spirit all the while, and have taken it quite slowly, out of the fear and respect it both duly deserves.
<br>
This plant, however, is mentioned because of the role it has to play in this particular experience.
<br>
With my ascension in full swing, I managed to find another potent object underneath my bed. This was an object I had found amidst a particularly foreboding Mescaline trip from many years prior and had subsequently made its way to my dusty bin of antiquities. It was a stone. A very hard, very dense piece of white quartz intermixed with equal parts blood red thulite.
<br>
To have seen this stone when it first came into my consciousness so many years ago was a sight to behold indeed. I remember, distinctly, waves of energy rushing over and through this stone. Almost as if it were unmoved by the very swirls and vortices of energy. A veritable port in the storm, so to speak.
<br>
And now, ironically (a word quite common to the LSD trip you will find) it served as exactly the sort as I held it in the palm of my hand, utterly dumbstruck at the way the light and energy would tessellate over the surface of its utterly dense existence. Unaware to how truly powerful this device might be for anchoring oneself within the very essence of space and time.
<br>
Here was a thing if ever there was one. This rock had suddenly become my focal point for everything there ever was to conceive about the conceivability of everything. As I would continue to hold this rock and pontificate these thoughts, countless hours, days, months, years would pass by in the form of mere moments, indecipherable as to whatever exact, measurable units of time were actually spent.
<br>
Yes, yes. Everything was going just as planned. But, my plans were a bit more maligned than anticipated (isn't that how things always happen to be revealed when on an acid trip).
<br>
I had recently made a batch of flying ointment that I been working up the nerve to try, waiting for a worthy, whimsical moment such as this. The ointment consisted of melting a couple cups of lard into a liquid and mixing equal parts coleus and datura (about 3 cups of each, fresh and finely processed). To which I simmered for several hours together with a few leaves of Al, of which I had graciously accepted, that I had thrown into the mix for good measure.
<br>
After the simmering, I strained out the plant material and set into a container for cooling, but not before FIRST adding several dropperfuls of a tincture I had made strictly from parts of the Datura plant. This tincture was made from straight EverClear poured over plant material and set for about two and a half-weeks in a cool, dark place.
<br>
And so, here we have the culimination of all that work coming to a head, in the form of me slathering my temples, armpits, underside of my legs and feet, and genitalia with the jade green mixture. A sight to behold, to be sure. And well on my way for blast off. Or so I at least anticipated.
<br>
As I lay in a meditative state on the floor beside the bed and the plants, I hear a stirring in the next room. My beloved comes in the room, groggy and disheveled and hungry. She looks at the naked man lying on the floor, and says, 'Oh, are you meditating?' and then groggily walks back into the living room. I love my girlfriend :)
<br>
<br>
The last vestiges of ordinary reality are now far behind, as I lay with my eyes closed, envisioning electric, pulsating, rhythmical masses of flesh that are tessellating and spinning to some weird sense of cosmic assertion that, at the time, I am completely aware of the profundity of it all, whilst in the same vein completely ignorant of why it happens to be that way, but yet, knowing that--in and of itself--brings a smile to my face.
<br>
<br>
My girlfriend has now come to her senses and is talking to me from the dining room. She is going over the post-op paperwork and joking about all the silly formalities on the paperwork. She is utterly lucid with her humor, and I can't help but be infatuated with her charm and overall life force that she is now clearly exuding.
<br>
The culmination of her finding out just what was wrong with her, combined with the empathetic effects of the LSD that I am impacting her with are not taken for granted. She talks with me of how she feels as if 'a great weight has been lifted off her shoulders.' I smile at her, she still has no idea of where I am at 'mind-space'-wise.
<br>
I sit there in awe of how absolutely beautiful she is, as she is talking with me about the moments she is starting to remember with the nurses and the doctor. Every thing she says is joyful in every sense of the word. The way she is saying it, what she's saying, how she looks as she's saying it. The syncretism of the very fabric of being is not lost on me as I sit and gaze upon this fellow creature in complete adoration.
<br>
With LSD, I am perpetually smiling, and even as I stare back into my own saucer-sized, black holes for eyes, I am smiling. As it was with this I knew I needed to take it deeper. Knowing that my tolerance would only build rapidly after this day of experience and that I wouldn't have another chance at the complete ego death I was after, I decided to eat the other half of my blotter.
<br>
This had been about two to three hours into my trip at this time. Any other seasoned LSD tripper could probably attest to the awe-inspiring visuals that were now breathing from one realm of reality into another. The patterns in themselves, in my vision, were there as if to say, 'Yes, all of this shit is happening right now, right here, forever and always. So, yeah, get used to that feeling... cause it's... right... here! now! here. now. here... now.'
<br>
<br>
I can feel the remaining blotter starting to take its effect. I am unsure as to what role, if any, the ointment is now playing. (in hindsight, I really do feel it added to the distortion of looking into the 'essence' of things, though I believe this may have been more psychosomatic as none of the typical symptoms of Datura use could be discerned) But I am sure of one thing, it feels as though the very way I am perceiving things is vibrating and moving in and out of time.
<br>
<br>
At one point, in perhaps what one would consider the apex of my trip, I remember sitting on the bed looking out the window as the sun was setting. It was shining its light through the webs of a funnel-weaver spider's abode who happened to be sitting right out in the middle of it at that moment. I was staring so intently at it, when suddenly my girlfriend comes back into the room.
<br>
She sits on the bed next to me and looks at me, and she now knows something is up, but it's something she's never experienced before. I look into her eyes and an overwhelming emotion of solidarity and connection overtakes me. She seems to discern this feeling and replies with a knowing look that felt as if the very universe had just acknowledged itself. As if the yin had just winked at the yang.
<br>
I'm a Cancer, if that means anything, and so I have no problems with admitting that I am rather in tune with my emotions. The impact this moment has on me, sitting with my girlfriend, resonates over and over again.
<br>
Then something happens. As I am sitting there staring at her, a sense of vacuity overtakes me the likes of which I hadn't foreseen. Suddenly I am staring into the face of nothing. This creature in front of me moves through a thousand iterations of life and death, dust to dust. I see this in this face. I can see it alive and dead in front of me. It is only slightly smiling at me now, as if to say it is all inevitable.
<br>
I can feel something about to dislodge in myself, and I think, looking back, this was to be myself I was to dislodge from. But, in my cowardice, I decided to not let go completely and be swept away by the crossing of pathes with the complete and utter unknown.
<br>
I regress back into the torment of trying to grasp what it is this creature has to do with this moment that now finds itself here with me. I get up and open the window for some air. I slowly start to gain a foothold on my psyche and my girlfriend appears, lovingly, once more.
<br>
<br>
She now goes back into the living room. And now I am suddenly beset by the sound of a roaring car outside. It sounds fierce and guttural. I hear it rip roar close by and it takes off in a direction I cannot see from my window. I can hear it ride long and far and free into the expansive beyond. I get lost in the sound only to find that the car has now come full circle and it is right back on the other side of the trees.
<br>
I know its there, and I desperately want to get a look at it, but everytime that it sounds like it's going to pop out from the trees it ends up going the opposite direction and then I hear it 'ride out' once more into the distance.
<br>
It becomes a game I know deep-down I have no chance of winning. Of trying to catch a glimpse of this mysterious phantom car. I have the sneaking suspicion this is perhaps what don Juan had warned Carlos about in relation to Death 'putting on its hat'.
<br>
Alas, the remainder of my trip was spent in quiet contemplation of things, from myself and the role I have to play in this lifetime, to trying to wrap my puny human intellect around the vast expanse of all known and unknown reality, and laughing and marveling at my utter failure to do so.
<br>
In retrospect, I am very glad to have made the journey back to this place yet again, and I feel it came at both the right time for myself, and my beloved girlfriend.
<br>
<br>
Anyone who happens to be scared at the prospect of trying an acid trip is by all means completely sane for thinking as much, but, for the sake of knowing, and for the sake of the universe itself and thusly consciousness itself, you owe it to yourself to face that fear, if not for the clarity that it can bring, than surely for the indescribable experience that it will impact you with, for the rest of your mortal existence (and beyond).
<br>
<br>
Godspeed.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 104424</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 31</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 13, 2016</td><td>Views: 10,669</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=104424&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=104424&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Aloes (656), Coleus (168), Datura (15) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Combinations (3), General (1)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">4-HO-DET</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This is a trip report that I've been meaning to officially upload, one that I wrote a little over a couple of months ago. I didn't write down the times of dosing at the time so I can't give solid numbers on when each dose was taken.
<br>
<br>
-----
<br>
Soon my schedule isn't going to allow me to trip very frequently and when I do it probably won't be in as perfect of circumstances as I can have now, so I've been wanting to make the most of the time that I do have left. For this evening, I decided to take about or a little over 25 mg of 4-HO-DET. I wanted the beginning of this trip to be everything already prepared and easy for me, so the first thing that I did is fill up two balloons of nitrous oxide until they were full and clipped them so that they wouldn't shrink. Then I ate the powder whole and washed it down with some water and pretzels, and finally I loaded myself a bowl of cannabis and hopped in the shower.
<br>
<br>
In the past I've found 4-HO-DET to be one of the most intriguing psychedelics that I've tried. When I was growing up, I was always interested in learning how to modify the reality that I was faced with.... I started with learning about computers so that I could mess with the video games I was playing. In middle school I actually met this kid just a bit older than me who I thought was clearly some kind of genius; he could do things with this one online game that we were playing that I had never even dreamed of being possible through hacking, and he and I actually became good friends and he taught me and introduced to others who also taught me many things about programming and reverse engineering. After that I took a 3D modeling course during the summer and then started actually trying to write my own programs in high school, including taking computer science classes. I found the idea of having my own domain where anything was possible to be exhilarating. During this time I also had my first lucid dream completely by chance, and some friends and I even had our own private server for an online game for a while in which we just went completely crazy and flew all over the maps and summoned huge monsters to cause chaotic destruction and just had all kinds of fun constantly bending the physics of the game. At the same time as all of this too, I was just constantly researching the mind and human and animal psychology.... I had been doing that in my free time since at least middle school.
<br>
<br>
I think all of these things that I've mentioned were key to leading me to be so excited about hallucinogenic drugs. I was already incredible pumped about lucid dreaming once I realized that you could live out any of your wildest fantasies in that way, but I truly found psychedelics to be even more interesting.... I felt like psychedelics just put the processing power of your mind even higher than dreams, and plus they allowed you to modify your perception of reality in realtime while awake, which to me always feel more meaningful than experiencing something in a dream. Nonetheless, I also got myself into an on-and-off habit of lucid dreaming that sort of ran its own unique time course but was still parallel to my use of psychedelics and other hallucinogens, and I credit this at the reason that I was able to dive so deep into and gain so much control over both of them. Expanding my awareness of my mind and how my hallucinations work helps both of these states equally of course. I should say too that I've always had sort of a set idea of how to work my control.... Another thing that I was really into while growing up was just getting lost in all sorts of abstract fantasies, and there were some consistent themes throughout these. One was that they often followed dark magical themes involving things like demons, insanity, and witches, and the presentation of different magic forces in my imagination being invoked was typically just intense and over the top<!-- like that anime AMV I posted...-->. I liked just throwing things around in my imagination and causing huge explosions and complex magical patterns filled with abstract hieroglyphics and such because I felt like it was training both my control of my imagination and my visualization capabilities.
<br>
<br>
With that in mind, one of my longest lucid dream goals has actually been to get to myself to a point where my dream body just kind of by default materializes in the witch form. Whenever I use powers too, I tend to cast them like magic and focus on things like flying, elemental control, and summoning. It's all just in good fun, but I think that having such a set idea of what I want has really helped move me to the point of having as much control as I do now.... So, generally when I take any psychedelic, as long as it's a decent enough dose, I see some hallucinations of humans in at least some way. I feel like each individual psychedelic sort of has its own personality, and that vibe meshes with my own personality to effect the kind of mindset I have during the trip, which alters the kinds of hallucinations that I get a bit from my normal imagination. As I've mentioned before, my visuals consist almost solely of female entities in erotic outfits, but they can still change considerably in style from one trip to the next. Most psychedelics cause this powerful euphoric delirium in me which tends to make the imagery all very cosmic and divine, and also very romantic or sensual in theme. LSD has always been a noticeable exception to this for me, as even though it is incredibly euphoric, the trip always felt like it had this dark and down to earth edge to it. And I don't mean dark in a bad way either, because as I said I had those kinds of interests while growing up and still do.... There's an aspect to this dark part of the trip as well which feels like causes this sort of delirium which, much more so than the mental effects I get from most psychedelics, feels like it's based more so on my regular thought process, and it causes it to start replacing my external reality. It actually starts to feel like my visual field completely breaks apart into entities' arms reaching out at me, and the more overwhelming it becomes, the more I get pushed into a realm where literally anything becomes possible.
<br>
<br>
On LSD, this intensification of the normal cognitive realm has a very curious effect.... I feel like one of the things that makes LSD unique is the fact that while it does strongly inhibit ego functioning, at the same time it's also incredibly rewarding, which allows that primal part of you that does remain to become enhanced and confident and in control. I feel that it's because it puts so much focus on that reinforcement that, for me anyway, the trip actually becomes pretty heavily focused on my perception of myself, which can change considerably during the trip. When the feeling of pure ecstasy is given into, I tend to even feel that there is no difference between my body and subconscious's conditioned idea of peak physical beauty.... This is something that actually helped me to get over a lot of issues that I used to have when I started tripping. Because my own self image is part of the hallucinogenic experience as well, the abstract erotic outfits that I normally see on other entities are also perceived as being on myself; however, this has always been conceptual rather than physical even if I was hallucinating it quite vividly over my normal body. LSD is also very human.... While the concepts do get quite bizarre, they never make me feel like anything more than just a very confident person.
<br>
<br>
So, there is a reason that I'm covering all of this, I swear.... On 4-HO-DET I get much of the same grounded feeling, but even more so than LSD, but without the reinforcing feeling. In fact, it may be the least reinforcing psychedelic I've ever used. I actually describe it as tripping while sober... but somehow, still tripping hard. Though it lacks the focus on my self image that LSD has, it makes up for it being a far more powerful hallucinogen, and still quite delirious, even causing my perception of reality to become overwhelmed visually in much the same way. Also, even though 4-HO-DET feels even darker to me than LSD, it still retains many fantasy elements that LSD does not for me, and the feminine imagery I see tends to have a strong feeling of that dark magic, witches and sorceresses and the like, all very seductive and lustful.... This is what has placed at pretty far at the top of the list of my favorite psychedelics, along with LSD.
<br>
<br>
So, in the shower I could feel the 4-HO-DET kicking in, but it wasn't feeling overly strong. This was my first time taking it with some recent tolerance from tripping the previous week, so I had been a bit worried that it might not be up to what I was hoping for. When I turned off the water and dried myself off, I smoked some of the cannabis that I had prepared in the hopes of bringing it out a bit, which helped slightly. Afterwards I decided to go use the nitrous oxide that I had prepared to see if that would help really kick off the trip. It did make me feel very relaxed and a bit trippier for a bit, but it seemed like this experience was going to have some trouble launching.... It occurred to me that this was also my first time taking 4-HO-DET after being awake all day, and I was starting to wonder if the fact that it's so strongly based on my normal thought process rather than speeding it up and altering it might backfire on me when I'm tired enough that I don't really have much of a normal thought process. I was getting visual hallucinations similar to what I'm used to from it too, but they were weaker and more transparent in style, and they didn't seem to be stable enough to build up to anything. I could tell that there was genuinely something there though, and I really didn't want that dose to go to waste....
<br>
<br>
A thought entered my mind, that I could take another psychedelic on top of this that I know would work as long as I did it quick enough before too much tolerance set in, and then it would just be like tripping on that but with borrowed elements of this experience. The only one I have that I really felt comfortable with though is LSD. I was having a little bit of physical tension going on and I was afraid from reading around that 4-HO-DET might raise blood pressure, so I was a little hesitant too because I wasn't sure what mixing a high dose of LSD with that might do because I've honestly never heard of anyone using this combination before and I already haven't been feeling at my healthiest lately, but around two hours after my original dose I figured that I didn't have much time to wait anymore and I had pharmaceuticals that could help with any dangerous symptoms if they occurred, so I decided to take what probably amounted to two or three hits of LSD. An hour after that I could tell that it was taking effect, but I was worried that it wasn't going to reach a high enough intensity to make something of the lingering 4-HO-DET trip.... Not wanting even more of my supply to go to waste, I took a strip of LSD worth at least another few hits.
<br>
<br>
During this time I had still been smoking more cannabis, and did a couple small balloons of nitrous oxide while taking this LSD to help bring things out some more. It wasn't until about half an hour after my last dose that I started to get some pretty heavy time dilation though, and it was at that point that I knew that I had finally succeeded in turning this into a more worthwhile experience. Just before this I had also taken a small dose of benzodiazepines just to add an extra safety net for the physiological effects, and it was seeming to successfully reduce any considerable body load and relax me into the trip even more easily without detracting from the experience at all, which was great. I decided to load another full balloon of nitrous oxide, and was ready to dive into it at just under an hour since that last strip. What followed was one of the most intense things I have ever experienced in my life.... Normally, when I trip there is this sense or urgency or needing to 'take things all the way', like my whole trip is a build up to that point and then finally things become incredible.... Almost without fail, a full balloon of nitrous oxide can take me to that point, and I know exactly what it happens because up until then I will feel like it's hard for me to vocalize as much, but as soon as I hit that point I burst into completely unrestricted laughter, and from that moment on the trip is nothing but euphoria. That happened from this particular balloon which was like the true start to the experience, but it went so much deeper even than that....
<br>
<br>
Whenever I've been using nitrous oxide on psychedelics, there's been a specific kind of trip that I get from the combination which seems to pick up exactly where it left off after each time. It will be like suddenly my mind will be sent into chaos and I will experience an extremely vast amount of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors, all at once. In fact, I'm starting to feel like each time this happens it takes me to a point where it feels like no time has passed since the last time I was in that place, which along with the increased amount of information to take in gives it an extremely believable feeling of having the trip last longer and longer with each time, even though I'm only dissociated for the same span of time with each one. It truly feels as though I am stretching further and further into eternity. So, these concepts which nitrous oxide allows my brain to cycle through rapidly become more and more complex, and because of the hallucinogenic potential of the psychedelics I'm on, they become represented vividly in all of my senses as well, no matter how completely insane or illogical they might be, or how realistic.
<br>
<br>
Somewhere in that eternity I experienced the similarity dualities of heaven and hell that I've seen on nitrous oxide and LSD before, but this was even more real. I was completely unthreatened by the hell, but the heaven I allowed to wash over me, and I felt as though I was isolated in a cosmic cocoon in which every aspect of my perception was just completely perfect, completely satisfied, no worries or care or needs or anything, just complete bliss.... Further down in this infinity though was what really blew my mind.... All psychedelics tend to have some basic color schemes for me, having full spectrum visions but always having a few dominant colors stand out.... LSD has very dark neon colors closer to the blue end of the spectrum, while 4-HO-DET has vibrant thick colors closer to the red end for me. However, the way that this nitrous oxide experience ended was that suddenly I saw every color of the rainbow in complete vividness, all cycling through each other around a point one at a time, until they hit black and white which paradoxically existed simultaneously, and suddenly my reality snapped and I felt as though I was perceiving colors that don't even exist. One I only vaguely recall which might not be exactly right was one which I think was like a white, a green, and a red all at the same time, and there were two others I distinctly recall describing as a reddish cyan and a blueish magenta.... I should note that neither of these colors seemed close to purple in any way.
<br>
<br>
So as I said, I came out of that with a burst of euphoric laughter. The transition into ego loss always feels quite orgasmic for me, especially on nitrous oxide.... I was left in this just completely satisfied and immobilized state for a few moments while I regained my breath, and in that time the real trip had started to make itself apparent. I have experienced this with psychedelic combinations before in the past.... When I'm still in the come up or not quite tripping hard on enough on more than one psychedelic at the same time, it can really feel like the experiences are fighting each other or just not really working out that well at all. However, once that feeling of full peace is finally reached by whatever means, things tend to have a way of just working themselves out.... The mind becomes a canvas and the multiple sets of visuals start to work together in the most artistically beautiful ways that one psychedelic alone often just can't compare to.... The ways that they effect my mind begin to intermingle quite abstractly as well, putting me in a downright bizarro world. These are the things that I was starting to experience from the 4-HO-DET and LSD after this balloon.
<br>
<br>
My perception had become filled with a large and highly complex visual that appeared to be like viewing the center tip of an information spire on some kind of of massive technological geometric structure. I feel like the center of this and three arms branching out in equal distances from each other were mostly black, but also every color of the rainbow at once and also those same colors I saw from before that don't even exist. The three areas in between the arms started out in a basic red, green, blue pattern, but then started becoming filled with vivid and fast-moving scenes such as reviews of the history of humankind. The longer that I watched this, the more it felt like I was sinking into a tunnel focused around one point in my perception, which would zoom further and further into the foundation of reality until the hallucinations turned significantly three-dimensional, then four-dimensional, and then just completely shattered reality in ways that I can't even begin to describe.
<br>
<br>
I got up and walked around the house a bit to see more of what the trip had become. I was actually getting an interesting type of kaleidoscopic pattern that had elements of delirium in it including things like insects in it which I have gotten from LSD alone before, but the geometric style through which it was portrayed here is one that I have only gotten once previously, also on a combination, but a phenethylamine and tryptamine one that involved neither of these substances. There was something very interesting going on with the visuals in general.... I actually felt like I had opened myself up to some kind of dark magic domain. I was getting what I'm used to with 4-HO-DET in relation to the dark themes like witches and sorceress, but while that like other tryptamines tends to feel very realistic or dream-like in its presentation, that concept was now synergizing amazingly with the demented, cartoony aspect of LSD, along with its energetic and lustful edge. I felt as though I actually had the same control of my visuals that I did on my previous LSD trip and they were even similar in containing hieroglyphics, but this time they were more like power runes streaming in mathematical trajectories all around me, and with my will I could direct and throw them any way I wanted to, causing all sorts of intense geometric shockwaves to explode into existence around me.
<br>
<br>
This whole time, I also had the LSD effect of feeling like my self-image is intensified and feels completely perfect, but in addition to that I now perceived myself to in fact be more witch-like. I constantly felt as though my hair and clothes or bed sheets were flowing around me and with every action I did just because of how much energy I was giving off. My imagination had also taken on a highly vivid, large, and defined spherical structure. There were both dots and lines which each covered the circumference of the sphere around the center but at different angles to each other that were constantly traveling around the edge of the sphere, and again using my will I could speed this process up and cause all of these dots and lines to crash into each other furiously and create both intense visual distortions around me and cycle through many different thoughts, emotions, and feelings that I'm capable of experiencing.
<br>
<br>
At some point (during the rest of this experience time was heavily dilated for me and I kept no record of what happened when) after just enjoying the energy and dancing around and training my imagination like usual but with the added visual show, I decided to do another large balloon of nitrous oxide. What I can mainly say about it is that I've noticed that this spherical imagination thing happens a lot on nitrous oxide for me, but I think it's a part of my normal perception honestly.... But when I do it, it basically causes the same process that happens when I speed it up myself, but even more so. This balloon caused it to push even further that the previous time, again adding the feeling of extended time dilation, and my mind was pushed into areas of perception which attempted to conceptualize feelings of infinity. I honestly cannot describe it in any way other than to say that I indeed felt myself to be infinity... just everything at once. I came out of it feeling even more out of it than the previous time, and I ended up just getting up to play with my perception again.... This trip felt like it lasted so long to me, almost more than any other trip I've ever had, and there were so many intense and wonderful things that happened in, but unfortunately most of them are just things that I can't convey in a meaningful way through words, or at least were just so intricately complex that it's impossible for me to remember all the little details about every single one aside from just knowing that it was some of the most amazing experiences of my life.... However, there is one thing that I definitely do want to share.
<br>
<br>
There was one point during the night while the LSD was still peaking and the 4-HO-DET was still going pretty strongly, and I decided to smoke some cannabis and then just lie in bed in the dark and meditate. Almost immediately after getting myself into a completely and utterly relaxed position, I slipped effortlessly into an out-of-body experience. It was of a kind I've experienced before a few times where I feel as though I'm experiencing it both from a first-person perspective and from a third-person perspective which is pointed directly at my body, and I perceive a spherical space with my body at the center that ends directly at an equal distance from my body to my third-person perspective. I have only ever experienced it while on LSD, but not from just meditating before. It was always triggered by a very heavy dose or smoking salvia, and each time it felt very out of my control, just intense and overwhelming. But, this time.... This time, I perceived my body to be floating in a huge void, essentially as if the space surrounding my body that I mentioned is the only relevant thing in the environment. I was actually wearing a very colorful and abstract witch outfit, complete with the hat and a short dress that had some robe-like qualities to it. It actually didn't look cheesy or anything either, it was all highly psychedelic and far more intricate than any regular earthly clothes, it had a truly magical feel to it. My hands were outstretched to the sky, and since I could still myself in first-person even if I could see myself from third-person, I used this casting stance to simply release all of the emotion I possibly can into it, just like how I do strong dream control or throw my visuals around like normal, but with the complete freedom of being out-of-body in a void.
<br>
<br>
Correspondingly, enormous crystalline tower structures comprised of rainbow fractals and geometric imagery including concepts relating to human sexuality shot out of the abyss below me and built themselves high into the sky out of my passion. They all had a slight twist to them as well and so they all formed unique patterns as they worked their ways up. I simply did this until the release was complete and that world faded into nothingness, and I was back in bed....
<br>
<br>
I don't believe that it was much after that that the 4-HO-DET started to fade a bit, making the trip mostly like a somewhat enhanced LSD experience. Considering that the heaviest part of the trip was also over anyway, I pretty much spent the rest of the experience just thinking about everything that I had experienced and the nature of reality. I actually felt as though I was still tripping at least a bit for most of the next day during which I didn't sleep, and I kept smoking cannabis and using nitrous oxide to extend the effects and keep myself lost in thought and fantasy a bit longer.
<br>
<br>
-----
<br>
That was the end of what I wrote for what would be relevant to this report. In the time since this experience has passed, what I can say is that it had a very profound impact on me. A significant emotional factor to this trip was that my experiences with impossible perceptions and infinity on the nitrous oxide really satisfied some of the cravings I've had for most of my life for needing to always push things to the limit. I feel that realizing this in the moment was actually a part of what allowed me to be so lucid when out-of-body, because I was just much more relaxed than I normally ever had been while tripping. Since this experience I also have just been able to get much more out of smaller doses of psychedelics than I used to, so that has only helped improve my attitude of taking things in moderation.
<br>
<br>
I was also going through sort of a rough emotional spot at the time of this trip, and having that cleared up headspace really helped me to think through a lot of the issues I was dealing with with more lucidity as well. Overall, it was a really positive experience, and one I would be happy to repeat in the future. But certainly not an experience I would take lightly; I can't even begin to imagine what a higher dose combo than what I've already taken would be like.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 104771</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 23</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 15, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,369</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=104771&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=104771&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">4-HO-DET (365), LSD (2) : Entities / Beings (37), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nbome">NBOMe Series</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">127 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I went to a day rave event with my boyfriend and he had planned to sell LSD. The usual guy he got it from was in jail so he decided to get it from another trusted source. This source turned out to be not so trustworthy...
<br>
<br>
Prior to taking 2 tabs of what I thought was LSD, my boy and I had been fighting and my ex was the one who drove me to this event. It was bad vibes all around though there were lots of friends around so I figured I would be fine. My boyfriend and I are experienced trippers, we will usually take 5-10 tabs each. I feel the tension is important to mention because it will help understand why I later had a bad trip. I am also severely asthmatic and have to take Q-var and Combivent at least twice a day plus my rescue inhaler which is Ventolin.
<br>
<br>
As soon as the purple pyramid gel tabs touched my tongue I knew something was wrong. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">As soon as the purple pyramid gel tabs touched my tongue I knew something was wrong.</div></div> There was a VERY distinct sour taste. I shrugged it off and waited it out. The high was not like LSD, I felt overwhelmed and paranoid. The park we were at was very sketch, there were tweakers and crackheads and wingnuts of all sorts harassing us, getting in trouble with the cops, and hanging out inside a massive portable toilet. They were literally just chilling in the filth. I couldn’t stomach going in there so I went into the bathrooms of what I believe was a city hall, not sure. It was some sort of public building. I stumbled into the handicapped stall and was very much dissociated, saw a chick in there amongst piles of toilet paper with a comforter over her and a needle sticking out of her arm. I did my business and looked in the mirror for a bit but I don’t remember much.
<br>
<br>
Throughout this trip I felt very dissociated and uncomfortable, I also felt very sad and scared. I blacked out for large sections of time and don’t remember much until my boyfriend had to leave. The tone of voice he used threw me into a downward spiral of despair. I thought he had died. Our friend who was driving me home kept saying I would see him soon when I asked if he was dead which was probably not the best thing to say because after that I hallucinated that she was driving really recklessly and crashing into things. All around us things were collapsing, I felt like I was decomposing and insects were eating me, I thought I was alone in the car sitting in the passenger seat. I hallucinated a time lapse in which my friend who was driving, my boyfriend and I were all fried out wingnuts who wandered the desolate freeways late at night abusing each other and looking for meth or crack. It was like the ghost of Christmas future came and gave me some sort of harsh reality check. The car stopped and everything around us was darkening and collapsing like I had reached the end of a video game and I was the protagonist. I had failed. Game over.
<br>
<br>
I kept screaming wordlessly in agony because it felt like I was being ripped through dimensions. It was like everything I had worked for was taken from me. I thought he was dead. Besides that fact, I had totally left my body several times and hallucinated this supreme divine being that changed faces and voices and personalities. They were all human and combined into one celestial form that was my soul mate. I thought that the friend who was driving me was the same entity as my boyfriend and another friend we were with earlier at the day rave. The decomposition hallucination kept happening as I felt my life was over.
<br>
<br>
On top of that I had to piss really badly and I was miraculously holding it in for like an hour or two. I don’t remember much. I became too rowdy for my friend to handle and she called an ambulance. All throughout my freakout I kept asking where my boyfriend was, they called him and let him talk to me I think? I kept hearing his voice in the background saying reassuring things until the doctor came. I was having an asthma attack <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I was having an asthma attack</div></div> because of the drug, it was creating too much mucus in my lungs. I kept saying “I don’t wanna die” over and over. As I was injected with various fluids to calm me down I kept telling the paramedics and cops that I loved them because I thought they were this one supreme being. I thought that all the people I had interacted with from the beginning of time were just one person that I was meant to be with like a soul mate and that I had wasted all my chances through reincarnation to get things right. Now that my boyfriend was gone I had no more chances. The staff kept reassuring me that he was alive but I couldn’t trust any of them. Oh and another thing that really fucked with me, one of the security guards from a hospital I frequented on account of suicide attempts was transferred to this hospital I was at and I had no clue what dimension I was in or where I was. Makes sense now of course, the cities were neighboring.
<br>
<br>
The doctor made me listen to Pink Floyd and gave me some Alex Grey artwork to look at while I calmed down. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The doctor made me listen to Pink Floyd and gave me some Alex Grey artwork to look at while I calmed down.</div></div> There were still little flittering rainbow highlights around everything and everyone. There were several instances in which people and objects disappeared from my sight and it was just like I was in a room alone.
<br>
<br>
The doctor left me uneasy and I was fully convinced I had been taken to a dimension where I would never be released from the hospital, where all my friends and people I knew never existed, all the things I had done were all a dream I had woken up from and my new reality was this horrifyingly bland empty world of nothingness.
<br>
<br>
The doctor said three angels were there to rescue me. It was my two most responsible friends and my boyfriend. The relief I felt was immeasurable. They took me home and I went to sleep after staring at my mostly naked body, watching the scars shift underneath my flesh. I woke up the next morning and went back to work.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 108714</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 22, 2016</td><td>Views: 5,831</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=108714&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=108714&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), NBOMe Series (539) : Bad Trips (6), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), What Was in That? (26), Rave / Dance Event (18)</td></tr>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">30 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Hydroxyzine</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/gabapentin/">Pharms - Gabapentin</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">60 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diphenhydramine/">Diphenhydramine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">20 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/4_ho_mipt/">4-HO-MiPT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diphenhydramine/">Diphenhydramine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">60 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">40 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Dose:
<br>
T0:00-30 mg Hydroxyzine
<br>
T0:30-240 ug LSD, 25 mg DPH, 60 mg DXM
<br>
T1:00-20 mg 4-HO-MiPT, 60 mg DXM, 50 mg DPH
<br>
T1:30-40 mg DXM
<br>
ROA: all oral
<br>
<br>
Set: Had been planning this trip for a few days. I was excited but also very nervous, as I knew how intense and just how utterly utterly strange this experience could be
<br>
Setting: My bedroom
<br>
<br>
T0:00-30 mg Hydroxyzine taken, with 3000 mg Gabapentin (anxiolytic and anticonvulsant, I’ve noticed it never really has an effect on the trip itself). Shaking with anticipation.
<br>
<br>
T0:30-Take the next set of doses. Drink the DXM with some difficulty- I’ve noticed I’ve had trouble consuming it lately, even the smell makes me nauseous. I used to be able to drink it with the same ease I could drink hard alcohol (hesitant but not difficult)
<br>
<br>
T1:00-First alerts- a sedating slight dissociation with light visuals, a unique combined effect I notice when combining the two substances. They usually come on faster when I combine them. I go for the next dose. The 4-HO-MiPT feels like a nausea bomb the moment I swallow it. This is probably just anxiety and psychological but it makes consuming the next round of DXM intensely difficult. I try sipping it, I try gulping it, it’s all very very difficult. I originally had 100 mg laid out for myself but I am not able to finish sipping it before the next scheduled dose.
<br>
<br>
T1:30-The effects are beginning to coalesce, noticeable in strengthening visuals, psychedelic patterning that seems to be warping and swirling in synchronicity with the swells of nausea that are washing over me. I manage to toss back the rest of last round’s DXM, and have another 60 mg laid out. I can’t though, I just can’t, I want to try to hold all the substances down as long as I can and I know the remaining DXM would make me puke. I’m already clinging to my trashcan for dear life, facedown, fighting my body with all my might. I can feel the 4-HO-MIPT, often a strong nauseating agent in my stomach, exacerbating everything. I feel so dizzy, the room is spinning and rocking.
<br>
<br>
There’s no timeline from here on out. It was like falling asleep, I was just in a different plane with no idea how I got there. I recall brief moments of respite and clarity. I am in immense pain, my guts feel like they are just rotting off of my bones. My room looks distinctly two dimensional. A lot of strange sounds are coming in, like great beasts slowly drifting across the sky. These sounds float around my room like disembodied voices, although they simply seem to be low sweeps and warps. It looks like my room is rippling or vibrating into pieces.
<br>
<br>
I’m not sure what happened, but I ended up in a faraway existence. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that my experiences with combining DXM and psychedelics triggers a longing for locations in videogames from my childhood… a little background, when I was little I would have dreams that would feature locations from videogames, but it was usually inaccessible locations or background places. I would go to these places and find the most magical things, I had such a strange attraction and obsession with exploring this unknown and finally exploring these places in my subconscious was absolutely satisfying. Well with these trips, those places were envisioned in my mind, in concept, not literally, that same essence of the mysterious unknown, that same overwhelming urge to explore from my childhood dreams, came back. This time it was a location from Super Mario Galaxy.
<br>
<br>
This only appeared briefly, these only ever appear as I’m about to plunge deeper. And deeper I plunged. This felt like the absolute rawest and direct communication with subconscious possible. It felt like this was an existence dredged from the very depths of my mind. This was the true grimy primordial slime of my everything, and it was disgusting. It was absolutely unnerving to know that this place was the deepest depths of my mind, it was so… idk it seemed corny it seemed gross it seemed unwieldy and lame, I always figured my deep subconscious would be different, but this bulbous gelatinous realm defied all expectation. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I always figured my deep subconscious would be different, but this bulbous gelatinous realm defied all expectation.</div></div> I sense hints of it when I’m on psychedelics alone or dissociatives alone, but here it was, the full power of them combined.
<br>
<br>
It did not appear visually, or really exist in terms of any aesthetic experience. After all, those are human channels of perception that taint the essence of all things they receive, translate existence into human terms. But this was beyond that, this was pure thought, pure essence, something that senses could never comprehend. The realm seemed… gelatinous, its essence was one of being amorphous, where beings of pseudopods and projections would travel and float through the solid aether, indifferent to any concept of gravity. I imagined myself as a being in this world, a pained and uncomfortable and disgusting thing entrenched in this existence. I felt like this was the true reality, after all it was true essence! I had always been in this place, I was pure thought and always dwelled in this realm of pure thought, I knew its rules and its esoteric natural laws, the sober world was just a projection, a convoluted structure built from the foundation of pure thought, the senses providing the building blocks for this great tower of delusion. I was home. It sucked. What a fundamentally unnerving and humiliating place. Worst of all was a sense of the essence of hostility, manifest in beings I would call “the dex police”, In this realm I felt so much shame and guilt, and the realm reacted to that, exacerbated it, sent agents to degrade me. Perhaps my crime was building this projection of a world in which I am now typing this.
<br>
Just fundamentally uncomfortable on the deepest subconscious level.
<br>
<br>
T~3:00-I’m coming back, in the sense that I can now recognize the world around me. I am no longer trapped in the other realm, and although I can dissociate when I close my eyes, I am now too far from that place to truly return. One of my friends pays me a surprise visit, I talk to her and am amazed that I am able to hold a coherent conversation despite the way my body and mind feel. I feel like a slug whose mind is exploding with puzzles.
<br>
<br>
T3:30-I am pretty out of it, I am very dizzy and have the classic dex walk, I go downstairs to interact with people, everything has a cozy warmth to it, perhaps just in contrast to the bitter cold dextroverse.
<br>
<br>
T4:30-I drank a bunch of the cough medicine I didn’t drink before and it mostly just has a stoning bodily dissociation effect. I definitely do not go back to any hallucinatory or even hypnagogic states, I am just high as shit in my living room.
<br>
<br>
T5:30-I mostly feel down now, still a bit wobbly and thoughts all feel very…. Surreal for some reason. I am shaking a great deal, especially at the wrists and ankles.
<br>
<br>
THE NEXT DAY: I feel high and dissociated all day, I have a lot of shaking and rhythmic twitching of my ankles and wrists. Clonus perhaps?
<br>
<br>
AFTERWARDS: The next few weeks saw a steeply declining and worsening depression accompanied by continued abuse of DXM by itself. This brings me to a point of near psychosis, where the delusion of this world being a projection of dextroverse me begins to take root. I begin to get really paranoid, that these agents from the dextroverse would manifest in my dreams, or somehow even manage to break into my reality, and take me back to where I belonged. It’s uncomfortable. My DXM experiences become a strange mental dissociation, less physical, and feel hypnagogic with my mind drifting away to half-dream states that I don’t even realize are hallucinations until they break. Lots of odd visions. This wore off as I began doing MXE rather than DXM as my “I'm sad and want to get fucked up” drug.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107740</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Oct 27, 2016</td><td>Views: 3,483</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107740&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107740&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">DXM (22), LSD (2), 4-HO-MiPT (342) : Difficult Experiences (5), Entities / Beings (37), Depression (15), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">80 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/tma2/">TMA-2</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">30 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">350 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This report is coming fresh from my mind after one of the most intense night’s psychedelia I have ever experienced. What happened could not be described in words, only feelings. In the peak of my trip I began to question existence itself, reality, *being* and time and space, since all of that was easily manipulated at the peak of my experience. I had no idea what was going on because I was thrown head first into this madness and before I could even process what was happening, began to be overwhelmed by what I was feeling. I began to travel time rifts and contort reality to whichever way I wanted. I was at all places at once…a very unique feeling… saying it doesn’t do justice. My third eye was wide open and taking everything in. For a brief moment, I began to think that I had actually “figured” it out. Life and all that, thinking I knew how things would/will be and got very excited at this notion. Then I started to doubt myself thinking that what I was feeling could just be a crazy side effect of being on such a high amount of hallucinogenics. My brain was on GO!! I couldn’t slow it down and this became terrifying at one point because I just wanted the trip to end, I was too overwhelmed by all of the effects.
<br>
<br>
So here is how this all began.
<br>
I am what folks call a hard head, and it usually takes a high amount of drugs to effect me, and with my large size that doesn’t help too much either. I have an extensive background in all types of psychedelics, 2c-b, 2c-c,2c-e, MXE, DMT, etc. I thought this would be a walk in the park.
<br>
<br>
I read that a high dose of the TMA-2 was 60mgs+ so I figured 80mg would be a good starting dose since I wanted to fully feel this trip. While packing my capsule, my genius idea was “hey lets add some more drugs to this chemical I'm taking for my first time” not those exact thoughts, but damn near close. I wanted to remember this trip. I have had so many failed RC experiments.
<br>
<br>
In the end, my capsule is filled with 80mgs TMA-2, 30mgs pure molly, 10 hits of very weak blotter<!-- (still unsure what was in those)-->.
<br>
<br>
T+30minutes- already feel crazy, not sure if it is a placebo effect or not.. Talk to my friends online and they inform me I dosed pretty heroically, I get a great anxiety and smoke bowls of weed to calm down. The stomach cramps associated with TMA-2 didn’t bother me much when super stoned.
<br>
<br>
T+1 ½ hours- Very slow comeup, by this time I forgot I have taken acid, I'm just thinking about the massive dose of TMA-2 that I just took. Everyone seemed to think I was going to have a crazy night, and I was waiting for this to kick in to full gear.
<br>
<br>
T+~2 hours – Cant get this stupid grin off my face, look in the mirror to start laughing my ass off since I look insane, start walking around because the amphetamine effects were in full gear, I needed to move and do stuff or I felt like a wound up ball of energy.
<br>
<br>
T+3hours?- Decided the trip wasn’t even worthy of my night, very disappointed with the slight effects and just assumed this was a bunk trip. I had fun but got nothing out of the experience, upset I headed to bed and figured, “I should do some ketamine” so out comes my little bag and in goes the straw. Literally, I knew I have 150mgs in the bag so figured worst thing could happen Is I snort all of it. I guess the effects of one of the drugs I was on took ahold when I was trying to snort cause I took a HUGE breath in through my nose, look at the bag and it was pretty much empty… Totally unintentional, but I knew that I was in for a ride, so I lay back and wait for the effects to take hold.
<br>
<br>
T+?- I don’t really know what happened after that, I remember the walls breathing heavily, as if they were alive, this was neat, then everything started to dissolve around me and I was seeing some of the most incredible things, but it was as clear as reality, I could reach out and grab the things I was seeing. I got stuck at some point and it was like a repeat loop for some time, eventually I figured out what was happening.
<br>
<br>
T-?- I come back to reality briefly, only enough to say “what the fuck is happening?” then everything would dissolve around me and I would be in this realm of time and space <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">everything would dissolve around me and I would be in this realm of time and space</div></div>, that is the best I can do to describe it. It was like existing in a different dimension, my feelings and emotions were completely separate from my body, it didn’t feel weird at all, just unusual. I didn’t know what to make of it all, except that I couldn’t figure out why my trip was so intense. Upon reflecting I came to the conclusion I had eaten a 10strip of LSD. OF COURSE! That makes so much sense now. My mind was working at 110% percent, it was very hard to maintain that sort of capacity, I wanted it to end but it was only just beginning.
<br>
<br>
T+5 hours- Wake up, sweating, freaking out, looking everywhere in darkness but all I see is color, I stand up and immediately stumble, I go to the bathroom to witness what fucked up state I am in. When I walked into the bathroom it was like a dream, everything was fuzzy and covered with a strange aura, I looked at my pupils, and they weren’t big, at least not when I looked directly at them. For a moment I became entranced in my eye color, I could watch it morph and change. It was magical.
<br>
<br>
T+10 hours- Wake up again, thank god it is daylight and I am thinking clear. Still have this weird gut feeling, like my mind has been showed too much… I know what happened last night was something magnificent; I will just never be able to recall it. I have forgotten much of the events already, this is my last ditch effort to keep this memory and share it with others.
<br>
<br>
<!--Would I recommend this drug? Yes. Just don’t indulge like I did unless you plan on getting your mind blown, and not every individual can handle it, you might think it at the time, but you have to ease yourself into it. -->What I saw and experienced will never make sense to me, and I have to accept that. Some people can't, and that is what drives a person mad.
<br>
<br>
Be responsible when doing drugs.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 93336</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 17, 2016</td><td>Views: 3,220</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=93336&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=93336&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">TMA-2 (112), MDMA (3), Ketamine (31), LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">180 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/dxm/">DXM</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diphenhydramine/">Diphenhydramine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
T0:00-After smoking a bowl, down the DXM caplets along with 100 mg of Benadryl to reduce the itchiness/nausea that usually accompanies DXM. Already feeling nauseous, the feeling of having so many pills in me is nauseating. I pop the 4 tabs into my mouth directly after. I’m hanging around my room at this point waiting for any effects.
<br>
<br>
T0:15-I go to play videogames while coming up. As I’m playing I can feel the DXM start to kick in-I feel wobbly, the room feels wobbly and I begin to feel like I’m rocking around. The walls begin to pulse with concentric patterns, at first in just darker and lighter hues but they begin to pick up colors. The game is becoming pretty difficult now, and also pretty confusing- why am I playing this? What objectives am I trying to accomplish? I decide to go back to my room- things are definitely kicking up now. The patterns are on the walls of my long hallway, though they seem to be flowing like a river. I go to my room and lie down on my bed. Standing is becoming increasingly difficult.
<br>
<br>
T1:00-Once in my room I pack a bowl and smoke it. I am listening to music on my laptop. The music begins to sound more and more surreal- I can hear voices, I can recognize them as human voices but I can’t distinguish what they are saying. I can feel the emotion coming off the music and I can understand that, but the language is completely alien. The voices sever themselves and creep through the air like specters, breathing and pulsing. They settle in my mind in the way that leaves fall from trees, each set of words as alien sounds that dance around my thoughts. They expand and pulse and breathe in and out, I visualize them like a patterned bubble growing and shrinking before me, bleeding with emotions. I close my eyes, the scene that comes to me (not literally or visually, the essence of this scene) is a blank grey room, the walls metal. There is a slab of concrete on the floor, with a big block of meat forcefully slammed on it, cables extending from the meat to the walls. The sound waves pulse through the room like ripples on the surface of a pond. My consciousness and sense of anything begins to fade as the walls stripe and shutter. I open my eyes and turn off the music-it’s too stimulating.
<br>
<br>
T1:15-The next 2 (?) hours are beyond any understanding of time and reason. I am sitting in my room in silence. But it doesn’t sound silent. The sound of everything is deafening-Every little sound explodes into a larger one, one that resonates and bends and twists to my will. If I think of a song, the ambient sounds of my space will bend and mold to match it. This creates an incredible confusion as to whether or not I have music on or not. I curl up into a ball on my bed and close my eyes. My entire existence is reduced to a radiating geometric pattern overlaid with a pulsing flowing black and whitw chevron pattern. I’ve done this on acid before- let myself fade to nothing, I can jerk myself back as of my own will. But I can’t- I feel trapped in this mysterious space without space or time. My auditory and visual space fuse into one sense- a sputtering sound, a sputtering image, like lines on and old TV and the sound it makes. The image begins to twist and turn in conceivably impossible ways, tendrils and projections spiraling and drilling off-what does it mean? I can’t even ask myself that, any sense of language is destroyed.
<br>
<br>
The only pieces of language I can comprehend are snippets of the music I was listening too, dancing around, popping out of the patterns and screaming at me, bending and warping around me. I suddenly open my eyes and jerk myself back-where the hell am I? I look around, nothing looks familiar, I have no idea where I am, what direction I’m facing, which way is up or down or left or right. I have no memory of my state before closing my eyes, I don’t remember where I was. It all begins to come back to me though- I’m in my room, I’m okay. My short term memory begins to falter, like it does while I’m on mushrooms. This is always fucking terrifying. This leads to looping- I am just lying on my bed, being altered beyond belief. I want to get up and do things. I stand up, I realize how altered I am, that it isn’t safe for me to do things. I go back to the bed. This cycle continues for a while, I keep wanting to do things, and remembering why I don’t want to, and forgetting the whole thing. I thrash around on my bed, every time I open and close my eyes I am disoriented, with no sense of the space I’m in. This feels a lot like a mushroom trip, but with more of a body high, compliments of DXM. Then things start to get weird.
<br>
<br>
I look out of my window and see a bus driving down the street, a person on the sidewalk in front of it. Cool. I continue looping, pacing my room, I feel physically ill and nauseous. I keep thinking I have thrown up/ I am about to throw up. I begin to get the feeling the first time I did mushrooms- I feel like I’ve done something bad but forgotten it. I feel like I left the room at some point, did something fucked up. I feel like I wandered outside, scared someone, that I was just hallucinating the room around me. This is like all of my mushroom nightmares. I am haunted by the thought that there will be serious consequences from this trip. It takes all of my mental effort to avoid having a total freak out, I am skirting the edge of a complete and utter meltdown. I feel awful, I feel like I have doomed my whole life, that I am suffering right now and I am condemned to a future of suffering. I feel myself being exposed to a million multiverses, all variations on this universe, all with substantially less suffering- I am being taunted, it is being rubbed into my face that this life is not ideal and there are lives where I have it better but I am locked out of all of them. I have made about 10 pacing laps of my room at this point, and look out of the window again to see: The exact same scene-literally the same image of the same bus with the same person. Aw fuck, I broke time. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Aw fuck, I broke time.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
The panic gives way to confusion. I begin to come to the conclusion that I have been trapped in a trick room via loops. The looping thoughts serve as my chains, and I am stuck in a room that defies the laws of physics, space and time as I once knew them have become completely irrelevant. Time speeds up and slows down and stops and starts up again randomly here. The room is at times so tiny I feel as though I won’t fit, at other times it is immense, and stretches infinitely in every direction. A wall looks like receding space, open space looks like a flat surface with an image of my room printed on it. I don’t know which direction anything is in, or what directions even are. On top of my panic from before, I am now submerged in a raging river of confusion. I feel like nothing I knew before matters now, that my entire existence has been redefined, that the physics that governed earth and existence have broken. I am trapped, confused, on the verge of breaking down, I still can’t tell if music is playing or if I’m imagining it. I just don’t know anything. I lie on my bed, I feel so sick, so tired, I want this all to end. I am not sure if I am going to die or not, I feel a distinct malevolence trapping me here, like all the times I did mushrooms. But more on that later. At times I feel better, I feel like its going to end soon, or become a more positive experience, but this only lasts a short time before I am dunked back into it. It feels like my head is encased in wobbling jelly that jumbles up every input. I look out of my window and see a different scene, and this fills me with relief- I feel like I have been released from an awful psychological prison.
<br>
<br>
T3:00-After some hours of being mentally tortured, of looping and time weirdness and near panic and fear and complete confusion, I am finally and slowly drifting down. It feels like I am underwater, slowly floating to the surface, currents tossing me around beneath the surface. Towards the tail end of the trip I am just feeling burnt, the DXM still makes my limbs feel like wet noodles, the acid makes concentric patterns dance on every surface, I feel a bit sick but ok, I am out of the darkness, I am okay.
<br>
<br>
Post trip:
<br>
Later that night, about T12:00 I begin to analyze the trip, my feelings, the forces involved. In all of my most recent psychedelic experiences I have come in contact with malevolent forces, I have felt definite harmful presences and I begin to contemplate what they may be. I identified two harmful forces:
<br>
<br>
Mushroom Death- Mushroom death is formless, infinitely malevolent and destructive, a swirling ravaging being who cannot even control itself. It tries to hide itself, it tries to strike when I won’t notice it. Mushroom death is black mycelium burrowing into my brain, blanking out my thoughts and scrubbing holes in my mind. Mushroom death breathes stagnant blood, mushroom death is the blood thickening in my veins into paste. Mushroom death is panic and doubt, mushroom death tells me that I have fucked up, that the room around me is fake, that I have committed some grave error and forgotten it. Mushroom death only comes to me when I am on psychedelics. I first felt mushroom death when I did mushrooms+25c+MDMA and I thought I was having a stroke. Mushroom death was not too malevolent at that point, merely evil, but has grown more and more evil. Mushroom death glares down on me, traps me with loops and drives me to madness. Mushroom death wants me to kill myself.
<br>
<br>
“Mental Illness”- “Mental Illness” is deformed, tangled pallid flesh, the orifices strikingly blood red. “Mental illness” is a heavy breather, has many teeth, it is perpetually afraid yet violent. “Mental illness” is not malevolent, “Mental illness” has no mind or consciousness, it is a creature. It is a parasite that feeds off of my internal conflict, its awful sinewy body unravelling from the battle between narcissism and self-loathing, feasting on thoughts of suicide and paranoia. It drives these thoughts and feeds off of them, using my mind like a farm. “Mental illness” merely wants to exist, like any creature. “Mental illness” exists at all times, a pulsing mass of stinking corpse flesh, though it becomes most apparent while I am on psychedelics. “Mental illness” will feed on me for the rest of my life. It cannot be killed.
<br>
<br>
As I was coming down I played videogames with a friend for like 5 hours. When I opened my laptop again I found an opened word doc I don’t even remember writing titled “how do I feel today”. It said:
<br>
'Todays trip felt like having my head dunked under water and someone held it down
<br>
I saw the same scene outside my window across a large span of time--- trapped in an illusion/trick room?? Room exhibited strange properties….. stil visuals as helck wobbly too
<br>
It felt more like a mushroom trip
<br>
How associations bounced off of one another, I grew confidence in my ability to predict my own actions
<br>
Every thought would generate a tangible copy, and I was the arbiter of whether to play on the tangibiligy of each thought-
<br>
A constant struggle, having to tackle thoughts one at a time to decide their obejective truth and whether to discard them or account them based on that
<br>
I saw the same septa bus outside my window after a seemingly long span
<br>
Time was looping there was a lot of looping
<br>
<br>
'<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107745</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 19, 2016</td><td>Views: 3,634</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107745&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107745&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), DXM (22) : Alone (16), Depression (15), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
LSD Tabs Double Strength
<br>
plus Mirror Gazing
<br>
<!--Highly recommended-->
<br>
<br>
--------------------------------------------------
<br>
In preparation, I sit with and accept my karma. This is the purification ritual. If shown my faces and asked to choose a face, I choose none, and so the rest follows.
<br>
--------------------------------------------------
<br>
<br>
It's a Thursday evening and I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years, which was an immense relief for both of us. We had been trying to do it gracefully for the past year or more and hadn't yet succeeded. I am drinking some wine and decide that the thing I need at that moment is to drop this blotter acid that I've been saving, which is quite strong. A year previously my friends and I each took a half tab of the same on a Tuesday evening at Burning Man. The following trip was intense and lasted the entire night and included a birth and rebirth as well as a very powerful goddess sighting at the temple of Mazu. This dose of a full tab that I've given myself on this night is the strongest psychedelic trip that I've ever signed up for in my entire life.
<br>
<br>
That being said, I put off taking this substance this year at the Burning Man Festival, though I did prepare myself as if I were going to trip. I'd better do what I set out to do.
<br>
<br>
-The come up-
<br>
<br>
As I lay on the couch in our dark living room still tipsy from the wine, the room is suddenly so intensely illuminated from nothing but the municipal street lamps that charmingly light our downtown neighborhood at night. At this time my ex-partner walks in the room, and I admit to him what I've just done to myself. He smiles and accepts and goes to bed. Later on in the evening I bother him for some cigarettes which he obliges.
<br>
<br>
What follows is several hours of me digesting the swirl of information that has comprised my consciousness for the last few years, work, play, social media, friends, relationships, family. All is unfolded before me.
<br>
<br>
The trip washes over me in waves as I sit peacefully, rave to myself quietly, or explore what appears to be the merging of the spiritual world with the very fabric of my reality. I do this for several hours, most of the night in fact.
<br>
<br>
At some point I have placed my folded yoga mat in the middle of the kitchen, and I watch as the tiles are transformed with nothing other than the otherworldly mandala that sits at the heart of all things. My little black cat chooses this moment to appear crouched in the middle of the yoga mat as if he too sees the abyss beneath us and has chosen my mat to reside upon as if were a life raft amid the turbulent waters.
<br>
<br>
At another point I decide to tear a book recommended to me by a friend straight in half using the old phone-book trick. I guess that served as my critical review of that content. I shared the pictures with him in a text message. I hope he appreciated the humor. I think so, he's very into situationist theater and dadism. He's also a dad. Joke.
<br>
<br>
In the early hours of the morning, after using the toilet facilities and nicely cleaning off the crusty gunk on the inside of the toilet bowl, as well, so very nice of me, I decide to embark upon a mirror gazing journey. Yes, because if I'm going to go deep I might as well go that deep. Lucky for me all the work I did in preparation that previous evening, night and the months leading up to the drop left me open to experience what was shown without spiraling into ego-craving meltdown. I'm a dumbass. And reckless. As. FUCK.
<br>
<br>
Brave also. Very very brave.
<br>
<br>
I sit gazing into the mirror and watch as my face ages into this life and then flashes past all the rest of my lives on this spiral. It is true what they say, I am a very old soul. I have lived many long and full reincarnations on this spirit so my past lives happily look like nothing less than a long procession of very attractive and happy grannies. My name suits me well.
<br>
<br>
After a time I was asked to choose a face so I played with this concept a bit, but in the end chose no face. Happily I was gifted with a fleeting sight of what I believe is the Buddha face gazing back at me. I've had a few visions before of Buddhist teachings shown to me, very memorable the Abhaya Mudra amid a swirling cloud as I lay trance meditating something during the period in which my Grandmother passed.
<br>
<br>
And then, because I think he has been on my mind a lot in these recent days, just about since August 28th, right before I left for Burning Man, I see all my new paramours lives and ancestry as well. I won't reveal a story that is not mine to tell but a few notes:
<br>
<br>
I didn't know that was a thing.
<br>
<br>
I wonder if he is a gemini, and I shall ask him next time we meet.
<br>
<br>
It was at first uncomfortable to wear another person's faces all at once, no less a man's faces but then also realizing that it was someone I knew. Very intense. As a result I decided to ask him if he had some time to spend with me over the weekend. I wonder what he will reply.
<br>
<br>
After that, it was back to a little cross eyed gazing and symmetry viewing. I should review what the mechanism is that tends to give this impression with LSD specifically. After that I decided that I needed to give my eyeballs a rest and not go heavy on the contact wearing for the next few days, and remain unassisted if at all possible. I think I can do it if I enlist the help of some friends. I am functionally blind without correction so this is a pretty serious request. I think modern optometry is very effective but it can be very jarring and stressful on the eyes if one's vision needs extensive correcting.
<br>
<br>
I am very afraid of total vision loss so this is something I should explore more in the future. As a visual artist there are many implications and professional ramifications of this loss of vision. Not all bad. Some great art is achieved by functionally blind artists.
<br>
<br>
As I come down I get an e-mail alert that a job that I would very much like to have is matched to me. It seems I've already applied for this job and am stonewalled by the indifference of internet jobs databases. So I do something kind of ballsy and send an email to the founder of the company at which I was just laid off to see if he could assist me with getting an interview.
<br>
<br>
More comedown. A little attempts at napping and figuring out what I'm meant to do with myself for the next few days. Good morning to my ex who's happy to be on his way to work and not displeased to see me. We can be friends again and that is a relief after all the fighting because we really are good friends. I'm overcome with the urge to share writing on a platform of my choosing and it appears that the droplet (virtual server host service) with my install of Ghost that I set up about a year ago is still live. I forgot the password though, and I may not have set up my e-mail settings correctly to retrieve lost passwords on the server side of things so I'll have to debug that later when I'm a little less loopy. I'd rather troubleshoot than have to start all over from scratch. It was a pretty big feat to set up in the first place as a first ever Linux server admin project. And now I sit writing and getting ready to make my first ever submission to the Erowid vaults on LSD.
<br>
<br>
Good times.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109320</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 32</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 20, 2016</td><td>Views: 1,798</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109320&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109320&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">25 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/4_ho_mipt/">4-HO-MiPT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">33 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
T0:00-I dose everything all together after a shower.
<br>
<br>
T0:20-I feel so chilly and shaky. Putting on layers does not make me comfortable, this is a cold that shudders out from my bones, it’s the temperature dropping before a shivering rainstorm. I am shuddering and shaking and it feels like my bones are rattling in my flesh.
<br>
<br>
T0:45-I am so nauseous, I just feel poisoned now, the bitterness of these powders that are in my stomach have seeped into every corner of my consciousness, it’s a bitterness that infests all my senses and leaves my mind feeling like dry rot. I was not expecting to feel this bad, perhaps my nutrition has been poor lately. I am shaking uncontrollably and all I can really do is lie on my bed and hope this will all pass. Any movement exacerbates the discomfort. My jaw is clenching into knots and ice cold electricity shoots through my muscles. Insofar, other effects are hardly noticeable. Slight visual distortion pulses the walls. Faint colored patterns begin to swirl but I pay them no heed. My mental state is entirely and passionately focused on the condition of my body right now.
<br>
<br>
T1:20-I feel like I have broken over the edge. I’ve had it in my mind this whole time, this will be fun, this will be a blast, all I need to do is make it over this hellish twitchy disquieting hump. At last, it feels like I have splashed face-first into a pool while on fire, the relief is tangible and the world swirls around me as the discomfort dissipates. I am on three different psychedelics, but I honestly cannot tell that there are different substances coursing through my veins. It’s not like one drug is overpowering the others, but that they have all coalesced into one entirely unique experience, a singular drug rather than a combination of them. They have matched each other in power perfectly and synchronized into a dazzling experience of its own. The visuals do not remind me of any of the substance, they are frenetic and rippling with raw energy, incredibly intricate and jagged, twitching like green mechanical worms over every surface. My vision is dominated by a grand patterned starburst, the root of some psychedelic plant with intricate foliated visuals branching out from it. Closing my eyes drags me into a world of my body vibrating away into toothed waves, the waves spilling out into the space around me and swirling and twisting and tangling into infinite chaos and absurdity. Music is absolutely fantastic, every detail of the sound makes itself apparent to me and lays out before me for my aesthetic appreciation. I was enjoying lying around listening to music so much that I stopped taking notes or recording timestamps.
<br>
<br>
I notice mostly that I am not tripping as hard as I would’ve liked. My goal in this instance was to give myself a powerful trip on my three favorite substances from the three main families of psychedelic. I had made the observation that by some force of the cosmos, I always have the most intense trips when I don’t intend to, or when tripping that hard is inconvenient. Those trips are always inevitably quite stressful as they seriously inhibit whatever else I intended to do during that experience. I figured I would give myself some free time and try to plunge into the depths while actually prepared for it, but to no avail. Perhaps It was all just warped perceptions, that I perceive myself as tripping harder when I expect different and vice versa. That I’m objectively tripping just the same as my “hard” experiences, but it lacks the element of being overwhelming or out of my control.
<br>
<br>
T2:00-I begin to wonder how I can make this experience productive, as I realize that without sinking into the depths I feel like I am just wasting my time. I wonder how I can channel this psychedelic energy into some other activity. I smoke a bowl of cannabis to boost me a little bit and then decide to try and dissect why I have been such a poor student as of late. The hyperanalytical aspect of 4-HO-MiPT rears its head from the maelstrom and I find myself researching the definition of laziness. I soon realize that attempting to read or learn while in this state is just incredibly difficult. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text"> I soon realize that attempting to read or learn while in this state is just incredibly difficult.</div></div> When I look at words, I realize that I can only read the single word I am focusing on, all the other words surrounding that one appear as incomprehensible illegible glyphs of some language I do not know. It’s difficult for me to glean any meaning from sentences as I must process them one word at a time, and then go back and cross reference each word with each other to see what they all mean in combination. I am reading the Wikipedia article on laziness at a rate of about 1 sentence per 2 minutes, and even then I have to piece together the meaning of the sentences. After quite some time I finally manage to piece together what laziness means, and how it is perceived. It’s from here that I can deconstruct the concept, apply it to my life, bring my lazy ass to amount to something and do well in school. Except I don’t, I just can’t for the life of me figure out why I am so lazy. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to solve it. This combination lends itself to powerful and clear introspection that cuts through my thoughts like a crystal knife, but this is one mystery that it cannot crack.
<br>
<br>
T3:00-I end up just reading a bunch of junk on Wikipedia for the next few hours. To alleviate my guilt I attempt homework. It falls through entirely, I completely fail at the task and cannot comprehend calculus at all. I end up feeling really stressed for about an hour, stressed about my inadequacies, stressed about my laziness, stressed about what my life is destined for with all these deep character flaws. The psychedelic torrent is merciful for not letting this swirl out of control into a deep depressive episode. Rather, I am able to rationally and clear headedly approach these issues and address them in such a way that I can merely dismiss them. Not a solution, but it kept my mind safe. I am occasionally able to at least sink back and greet the storm of visuals with a smile, sink into the pleasant sensory effects and the euphoric jolts on my brain, let the trip take me into its gentle hands and rock me back and forth and reassure me that no time is wasted, that every moment that I am experiencing the world of my own accord is a moment well spent.
<br>
<br>
T5:00-I go downstairs and hang out with my roommate and smoke more and play videogames. This is something we do together fairly often, although this particular experience sticks out in my memory. Each game we played, everything I witness, seems to be better etched into my memory than previously. It’s like the memories are a detailed relief, each feature of it carved with incredible depth and noticeable contrast, as opposed to the usual flat blur they occupy in my mind. Conversation and socialization are a bit awkward, although the hyper-analytical aspect of the experience makes for an interesting evening doing something that is usually pretty routine. This continued for the next few hours. Nothing else to note really.
<br>
<br>
T12:00-Go to sleep.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109433</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Nov 27, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,996</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109433&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109433&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">2C-B (52), 4-HO-MiPT (342), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">50 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
CFS and LSD a Really Horrible Mix
<br>
<br>
2011 was a very tumultuous year for me. My father passed away unexpectedly and I suffered from horrible typhoid and malaria thereafter. I recovered but not completely, it's like my immune system was stuck in attack mode even after I recovered. What followed was endless doctor visits and tests which were always normal. So western medicine did what it does. Told me it was depression/CFS. There was a component of that but I knew there was more to it. Its like my cells had run out of something very critical. I was a profuse sweater and now I couldn’t sweat even in high heat.
<br>
<br>
I took antidepressants. 12 of them... none worked. Then naturopathy, Then vitamins. They helped a bit. But by 2014 I had knocked on almost every door and knew it was time for somewhat drastic.
<br>
<br>
In all this time I was researching on pubmed and theorized that a shock to the nervous system was what was needed. Plus I had read that LSD helped people recover from depression too. So I thought it to be a good chemical target. I obtained some 400 mcg tabs. And being a cautious person that I was decided to try only 50 mcg.
<br>
<br>
It was evening. First effects were a feeling of individual cells in my body waking up. Now those who haven’t suffered from CFS [Chronic Fatigue Syndrome] probably can’t relate to this but it was as clear as daylight for me. No visuals or hallucinations… but just clarity.
<br>
<br>
However in a short amount of time my cells ran out of whatever they were lacking and all I could feel was a metabolic accelerator being pressed by the LSD while I had no gas in the system. My heart rate started to go up and then I first felt guilt. Intense awful guilt. Then came the fear, then the panic attack. I have has panic attacks before but this fear was something else. It was raw fear. Then came the ambulance and then there was ER. After a whole night on ativan and under observation, I was released in morning. CFS still intact and a bit worse which got to baseline in the next few days by some methylfolate and b12 and vit D.
<br>
<br>
My set and setting was understandably not ideal. But it wasn’t awful either. I can classify this as a typical bad trip. But beneath the surface. I can say for sure that it definitely doesn’t play with the underlying mechanism for CFS in a positive way. Even if my emotions were positive, my nervous system would not have been able to produce the necessary juice to let LSD do what I needed to do. And hence the problem.
<br>
<br>
<!--So if anyone with CFS is reading this, I admire you for thinking out of the box. Look into ayahuasca/yoga/low dose psilocybin but stay away from LSD. -->It's not going to fix it.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109612</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 31</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 10, 2016</td><td>Views: 2,244</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109612&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109612&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Depression (15), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Bad Trips (6), Unknown Context (20)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">190 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Back in the late 90s I dropped a couple of hits of orange colored blotter. I hadn't dropped any acid in a few weeks and was tripping hard but was loving every minute of it. We, myself and a friend, decided to go up to his older brother's apartment. When we got there, their was 4 other people we would party with on occassion sitting around drinking and smoking weed. Everyone in the apartment was a few years older than us. I didn't really trust any of them, including my buddies older brother.
<br>
<br>
We sat down and started drinking and smoking. They were also tripping hard. One of the people in the apartment passed a spliff my way and said 'look, you're shaking'. I remember looking down at my hands and not being able to tell if I was shaking. I looked at my hands, fully aware of the fact that I have poor vision, and all I saw was a blur. I couldn't tell whether I was shaking or not and whether or not it was just my crappy eyesight. I tried really hard but I couldn't tell. I then became absolutely convinced that he was screwing with me and trying to send me on a bad trip. Sure enough, I started thinking I have to get out of here. I have to leave. I don't know where I want to go, but I have to leave now. I tried telling my buddy that we have to leave. He was like, why do you want to leave? I was like, we have to leave now. I need to get out of this apartment. I don't know if I was telling him we have to leave in front of other people but I eventually convinced him to leave.
<br>
<br>
When we left I told him that we had to leave because the people in the apartment were trying to screw with me. As per the normal acid-induced panic I had what felt like a million thoughts and questions flashing through my mind every second. I was feeling overwhelmed by the number of thoughts going through my mind. I felt like I was going crazy and that I was never going to be normal again. I couldn't tell whether my paranoia was justified. I also began trying to figure out whether I was shaking or not and was panicked by the fact that I couldn't figure out if I was actually shaking. After we left, we walked to my buddies house and sat in his basement bedroom. He turned the lights out, flicked on the lava lamp and turned on My Friends by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. After 15 to 20 minutes of sitting in the dark watching the lava lamp, after having left the apartment about 40 minutes earlier, I began to chill the hell out.
<br>
<br>
The moral of the story is the classic truism that set and setting matter. I didn't trust the people we were with. So, I was suspicious of them. When one of them started messing with me mentally it confirmed that I shouldn't trust them. This made me believe that I had to leave. When I started thinking that I needed to leave the panic set in because I didn't know how I was going to convince my buddy to leave. The more I thought about leaving the more I convinced myself that I absolutely had to leave - that it was necessary for my mental health.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 1997</td><td width="90">ExpID: 88945</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Dec 30, 2016</td><td>Views: 1,902</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=88945&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=88945&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 3:20</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">14 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">3-MeO-PCP</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
T0:00- Dose tab of LSD immediately upon returning home from work. This is a batch I had a good bit of that I wanted to test for potency. I wash dishes and do chores around the house as I come up.
<br>
<br>
T1:30- I have been coming up for quite some time now, the comeup has been slow and slogging, as if the drug has been fighting its way through knee high muck to find a place in my mind. It feels as though a little electric storm has infiltrated my brain, that it is pulsing little sparks and flashes of color throughout my consciousness. It’s sparkling and tingling, and that raw feeling of dry stimulation deep in the marrow of my bones, shaking them dry, sending ripples of stark warmth through my muscles. Chills run up and down my spine and I chew some gum to combat the onslaught of bruxism. I roll a joint that will calm my body, when I hear a knock at the door.
<br>
<br>
T2:00- A friend has come over. My roommates come out to hang out and we are all sitting around as I continue to go up and up. Talking and laughing feels particularly jovial and it feels like I can feel every muscle fiber in my body as they contract. I light up the joint as we’re all hanging out. The weed smooths the rough and jagged edges and points of the trip, eroding them into a pleasant round cobble and blasting the experience with pulses of color and shimmering jittering dancing light. My roommates want to try some drug tonight, so we devise assigning each side of a die to a drug in my collection and rolling it. We settle on deschloroketamine. I decide not to partake just so I can ride this trip out a little longer and make a judgment on this batch, but we go upstairs and I provide it for them.
<br>
<br>
T2:40- Now that that’s all over with, we go back downstairs. They are immediately struck with the onset, and seem to be having a great time playing videogames and hanging out. I smoke more weed with my other roommate who did not partake, and am content to observe them as they enter an experience that I am quite familiar with. More cannabis feels like adding more heat to the fire, it feels like the trip is burgeoning and glowing and smoldering and I am ecstatic to be privy to this.
<br>
<br>
T3:20- My friends are all crashing over the peak of their experience and I feel like tasting some dissociation myself. I go upstairs and find that I do not have as much deschloroketamine as I thought. I decide to instead feast myself on 3-MeO-PCP. Weighing out the tiny precise amount is difficult with my shaky hands but I decide on a higher dose than usual and suck it down. I return downstairs.
<br>
<br>
T3:40-The burn has subsided and at this point I have entirely forgotten that I have taken anything on top of the acid. It first presents as a slight note of physical numbness, of the world appearing blurry, not visually, but as if the symbolic meanings of every object around me have begun to become indistinct.
<br>
<br>
T4:00-It feels like a great volcano is erupting within me, there is a massive swelling of fire and energy radiating from my core and pounding into my skull, not even pounding and pulsing, but rather a steady constant stream of warmth. I am swarmed with abundant energy, and find myself unable to stand still. Rather I am pacing back and forth around the room, talking up a storm as if I need to expend all of this vitality. I cannot for the life of me sit still, remaining still is entirely inconceivable and even when I try I am still shaking my limbs, fidgeting nervously, eagerly and impatiently awaiting the next opportunity to flex and utilize my desperately burning muscles and mind. And it just keeps getting stronger. It grows exponentially and I soon find myself a bit concerned at how completely adrift I am. Like I was having a fun time swimming in the deep water at the beach but now I find myself being swept out to deeper water by a merciless riptide. I flee up to my room for a bit to try and ride this out. As I enter, I am struck with this odd feeling. Everything seems “hyperreal”, like I am visibly seeing everything with more clarity than I normally do, like I have shattered the blurred veneer of reality and that my nerves and sensory organs are truly in touch with their stimuli, taking the bits of information in with greater capacity than they were before. I feel more deeply in control of my body, able to entirely control the momentum that my limbs exhibit, able to entirely control every little contraction of my muscles down to each individual sarcomere. I feel like superhuman.
<br>
<br>
I lie in my room and listen to music for a bit, and while being alone is nice and provides me an idea of how strong this trip is, I soon get bored and restless and flee back downstairs. I am jumping around on the furniture now, standing atop the banister of our staircase and touching our ceiling, looming above the rest of the room. I just want to jump and climb, I wish I was in a vast boulder field or out in the woods where I could appropriately expend this energy, but all I can do now is excitedly run around the house. My two friends who ingested the deschloroketamine are couchlocked and helplessly watch me gallivant around the space. I go outside and it feels incredible, I feel like I could flap my wings and fly above the neighborhood like I have in so many dreams, I stick my arms out and loom above the space like a great crucifix, or a spectacular bird spreading its wings over a precipice, I feel majestic and powerful, beautiful and mighty, and manic beyond measure.
<br>
<br>
T4:20- I return inside to find my friends still splayed out on the couch. The desket has hit them like a freight train. I am still pacing and still manic, with the visual aspect of the acid experience significantly kicked up. Visuals trace their way down the walls and flash and breathe in magenta and teal, yet everything still appears as hyper-real to me. How neat! My reality has been redefined I suppose, to where this strange pulsing rippling world has become the status quo. Soon however, that feeling fades, and is replaced by quite the opposite- as if the world has become blurred, and the overlay on my reality has made everything flat and indistinct. It feels like the world has become lo-fi, that I am viewing it through a cloud of static on a CRT that cannot attain a proper signal. My friends suggest playing around with a guitar for a bit, so I follow them into a room and bring along paper and pen so I can draw pictures.
<br>
<br>
My one friend plays guitar, the other is seemingly in no state to do anything but lie back as he is subject to the dissociative maelstrom. I am trying to draw, but I am not patient enough to do anything meticulous. I am furiously scribbling, making pictures that are composed of lines being powerfully thrown against the page, nearly tearing the paper with the pen. My friend plays a few songs, marveling at how he is still able to play guitar and remember the lyrics. I ask him to play a rendition of one song he wrote and he belts it out completely from memory, it’s spectacular to witness and I ask him if I can record it. My recording capabilities consist of my laptop speaker… But we set it up nonetheless, and I am struck with this childish sense of make-believe, where I am pretending that this is some actual recording studio and I am doing actual music stuff, even though once again, it’s my laptop on a chair with the music being recorded in audacity. I had this projection overlaid on the whole activity granting it greater significance than was warranted, but it felt so nice, it felt like such a great use of time. I was entirely euphoric and ecstatic.
<br>
<br>
T5:00-My friends are beginning to come down and the comedown is very rough on them, tiring out their bodies and subjecting them to nausea and vomiting. I ride out my trip for the next couple of hours playing videogames, smoking weed, and generally just enjoying myself quite a lot.
<br>
<br>
T6:00-The dissociative feeling from the 3-MeO-PCP has entirely faded now, or rather I do not feel 2 distinct drugs, it feels like the experience, with the help of weed, has blended together into one singular neutral feeling, to the point where I hardly feel altered anymore. I know I’m altered, but this feels like my new baseline, and it feels fantastic. We watch a movie together and I feel like it is being etched into my memory deeper than such an experience normally is. We order a pizza and I am delighted to find I still have quite an appetite.
<br>
<br>
T9:00-Everyone has gone to bed now and I go upstairs and shower. In the shower I realize how altered I still am, and it’s absolutely fantastic. I feel so incredibly in tune with my body, fully aware of every little movement I make, every shift in my bones and every pull of my tendons. The warm water flowing over my body invigorates me, makes me appreciate the miracle of my working body, of all the muscles and the instant nerve impulses that move them. I come out of the shower radiating warmth and staring at awe at my bare flesh. I relax in my room and smoke more weed while reading about stuff on the computer for a few hours.
<br>
<br>
T11:00-The trip is mostly over now. I go to sleep.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109619</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 1, 2017</td><td>Views: 3,187</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109619&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109619&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 3-MeO-PCP (558) : Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">35 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cb/">2C-B</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(capsule)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">3-MeO-PCP</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:25</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">10 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">3-MeO-PCP</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 7:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">80 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">vaporized</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/">DALT</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(powder / crystals)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/alprazolam/">Pharms - Alprazolam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/etizolam/">Etizolam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Dose/ROA:
<br>
200 ug LSD (sublingual)
<br>
35 mg 2C-B (oral)
<br>
10 mg 3-MeO-PCP (sublingual)
<br>
10 mg 3-MeO-PCP (insufflated)
<br>
80 mg DALT (vaporized)
<br>
<br>
T0:00-Happy new years! It’s about 10:15 PM, I am going across the city to go to a party with my friend. I take 2 tabs of acid and pack up the rest of my party supplies and go.
<br>
<br>
T0:30-I am definitely feeling the first notes of the acid. Not a sort of distance or dissociation, but warmth and a feeling of being in tune with my mind and body that I get when I hit a sweet spot dose of 200-300 ug. A perfect party dose.
<br>
<br>
T1:00-I arrive at the party. I quickly pop 35 mg of 2C-B in a gel cap. I had a pretty large meal about 3 hours ago, so I’m not really sure what will come of this.
<br>
<br>
T1:45-It’s midnight. Happy new years. I’ve been socializing fine all night, albeit a bit strangely and awkwardly, but I don’t mind. I’ve been sitting in the back yard smoking weed for the entire party, the cold isn’t bothering me at all. Visuals are very light, only can be seen when I look at the ground or look into the sky, typical patterns. The trip feels very light so far, it would seem like the 2C-B is still on the onset. I should’ve taken it earlier.
<br>
<br>
T3:00-It’s later and the party is winding down, I dose the 3-MeO-PCP now by popping open the capsule and pouring the powder under my tongue. The inside is less crowded so I feel better about going inside. I feel a feeling of confidence coming on. I feel like dancing, I feel like partying, it feels warm and pleasant. Too bad the party is winding down.
<br>
<br>
T3:40-I decide to head home now. Everyone is going to their respective homes, and I realize im not going with anyone. Whatever, this will be more fun. I feel immune to the cold night as I walk to the subway station. I wonder how it would feel to suddenly become the victim of a violent crime, to get stabbed or shot. What would I do? Would I just go home and deal with it or accept death? Would I go to the hospital? Fun thoughts. I reach the subway station and take a seat. The platform has all sorts of new years revelers milling around. I see mice running around since it is around 2 AM. I decide to kill time by reading about them. Fascinating creatures, its odd to think someone as complex as a mammal has become so ubiquitous and numerous, and that something as complex as a mammal has infested the highly specific ecosystems that humans create. I suppose that’s why there isn’t much diversity amongst vertebrates in these settings… but I digress, I am coming up substantially now, with very strong and distinctly 2C-B visuals appearing on every surface. I become transfixed by staring at tiles, which are decorated with striated and striped foliate patterns. There seem to be subtle faces hidden amongst the patterns but it is dominated by an organic sort of abstraction.
<br>
<br>
T4:00-The train comes. I sit in a car behind a person. People are looking at me, its an appropriate night to act like I’m so fucked up that I don’t notice though. The person in front of me has a voice that comes from eating lit cigarettes every day for 10 years. I can’t tell if she’s coughing or talking, but she asks if I’m okay I think, then says something dismissive sounding. Eh. The train pulls into the central station where I have to transfer. Holy SHITttt is it crowded. It’s like 2:30 AM and its packed with revelers. I duck off into a little corner and stare at the wall until the train comes. Catching snippets of people’s conversations around me is very very odd. People are weir, everyone looks like caricatures, or stereotypes of their given subcultures. I recognize some people as they run around the platform in and out of my field of vision, assign them character personalities and stories. At last the subway comes. Things only get worse. Now this dense mass of people must squeeze into subway cars. I get in, but barely, I am pressed against a window and tripping fucking balls. Flashes of green and pink hit my peripheral vision and illuminate patterns on blank or mottled surfaces. I am wearing headphones and manage to drown out a lot of the people noise around me, this calms me down. A person sitting in front of me looks like she’s on the verge of crying. The boy next to her keeps trying to console her, and eventually it seems like she’s passing out, and he has to keep her upright. Weird thing to witness while dissociating into a world of patterns. I eventually reach my stop and push my way out of the subway car. This ordeal has lasted a great while. I finally get home at about 3 AM.
<br>
<br>
T5:15-After hanging around the house for a bit and basking in how many balls I am tripping, I take a shower. In the shower I think about a lot of things that I don’t feel comfortable writing about. A lot of it is plotting, manipulation, dark thoughts and things that make me a bad person. I suppose this is what comes with the territory of confidence.
<br>
<br>
T5:25-I get out of the shower. I rail another 10 mg of 3-MeO-PCP because why not, it’s new years.
<br>
<br>
T5:40-The ceiling looks like it’s a dome, its bending away from me and being touched upon by patterns formed from right angles. Suddenly the greatest softest feeling washes over me. I feel like a moth, I literally feel like a moth. I am soft, I am fluffy, I am lightweight and I can fly. I feel like I am made of dust, I am covered with downy hair and downy scales, I am a cottonball with great muffled wings. The word “moth” is weird to me. I know it designates an animal, but when I hear the word the association isn’t made. It is lost all its symbolic meaning, it is simply a lonely and unattached word now. I am not a “moth” I am that animal that is covered in fluff, with 2 wings covered in downy scales, and feathered antennae, primarily nocturnal and rests with its wings open. I feel so soft, I feel so warm and snuggly, I wish I had someone to cuddle with right now. I listen to really pleasant soft music. It feels indescribably beautiful. I am somber but I have opened a brief bubble of glowing respite, glowing like the moon in a lukewarm night, the moon that moths flutter in the silvery glow of. I honestly don’t know what’s real or what’s not anymore. My memories feel so distant. Like I know I’m not a moth, but that’s it. I have no idea what’s real or not beyond that, but It doesn’t bother me at all.
<br>
<br>
T6:00-I go outside. I’ve decided I am going to try smoking DALT out there. It takes me forever to get ready. I keep losing track of what I’m in the middle of doing. I keep losing track of where I put things. I keep getting distracted. It feels like the myth of Tantalus. My short term memory is fucked. I finally manage to get outside. I was gonna lounge in the bathtub we had back there and smoke. I make a shocking discovery. Our backyard has been cleaned up and our bathtub has been cut into pieces and stacked in a corner. What the fuck. Who did this. I begin to think I am just hallucinating this, that I have really gone that far. I wake up my roommate and get him to confirm. I am so scared. Waking him up is weird. His voice doesn’t sound like his and he doesn’t look like him. It’s really unnerving. He confirms that I am not hallucinating our backyard. Whelp. That’s disappointing. I go up to my room and decide to just smoke the DALT in there.
<br>
<br>
T7:00-The smoke tastes like sweet DMT, it is a very subtle but manageable acrid, it tastes sort of like pumpkins but it is wholly a unique odor. Each hit I take feels like I am being pulled further and further out from reality, into a grand fractal globe of repeating concentric patterns. Like a great cosmic tongue, reaching out to taste me, and my essence swirling away from me to meet it. At last it savors my flavor, and draws me into its maw. I am truly gone.
<br>
<br>
T7:20-I close my eyes and it feel my body fade to nothing. I feel it melt into my sheets, become a part of the great fractallized diamond everything around me. I am so distant from myself, I feel the love of some motherly feminine essence envelop me. It feels like an embrace from the fluffy legs of a moth, it feels like being enshrouded in its dusty wings. A great green glow permeates this realm and cascades around me. I do not feel like I am contacting an entity, merely touching with and embracing a personification of some inherent essence of the universe or of my internal self. I feel this great motherly presence descend from the sky and enshroud me in great smoky fingers. It feels like the hand of god, it feels like divine protection and the fire of life and the burning back of forests of death.
<br>
<br>
A great glowing pastel crystal fractal flower blooms above me and blossoms into infinity. Death is something to think about here. My heart is racing, what would happen if I were to die? My existence, everything became a great intricate skull, one that seemed to be woven from a billion waxy fibers, it was like a cattle skull, flashing in deep green and crimson, it was the idea of death, encapsulating all the fears and notions the living hold towards it. It was a great desert that was blossoming with life, it was an oasis of existence. Everything felt so natural and perfectly in place, and so beautiful. I felt cleansed and healed, the energy was pastel pink, green, turquoise and blue. I felt the same strike of life force I’ve gotten from other trips, especially mixing psychedelics and dissociatives. This essence, this non-entity that I mentioned before is wrapping me in its dusky wings and singing soothing songs that cascade onto my brain.
<br>
<br>
T8:30-It’s time for bed. I take alprazolam and etizolam to knock myself out. While I lie there waiting to sleep, I get dream projection scenarios like with DXM. It’s vivid visions that simply take place in the world around me, I just walk around and do normal things in these hallucinated worlds. I open my eyes and I am back in my bed, I haven’t moved at all. It’s interesting. I eventually fall asleep.
<br>
<br>
Epilogue: The afterglow the next day was really nice I was confident and social, and didn’t even feel out of it but rather improved in every way. Although I was a bit wacky and out of touch with reality. You take what you can get I guess.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107833</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jan 10, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,530</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=107833&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=107833&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), 2C-B (52), 3-MeO-PCP (558) : Combinations (3), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">160 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
This experience too place approximately 10 months after the experience described in '<a href="https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=108184">What's So Funny</a>'. I'd been keeping up a regular meditation practice since then, consisting of formal sitting practice at least once a day (increased to at least twice daily after visiting my friend at his monastery about 4 months in), and some efforts at ongoing informal practice.
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Those 10 months also involved a few experiences with psychedelics which weren't particularly noteworthy (but worth bringing up to illustrate that I continue to have experiences that aren't noteworthy and don't improve my spiritual practice, and that they still constitute the overwhelming majority of my experiences).
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Returning to this particular experience, I discovered while a friend was visiting that he hadn't tried LSD (though he'd certainly enjoyed other psychedelics) and since I was aware of an inventory that we could dip into, we made plans to take a trip together when we didn't have any other responsibilities.
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Prior to actually taking this trip, I was feeling vaguely dissatisfied with the state of my informal meditative practice <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I was feeling vaguely dissatisfied with the state of my informal meditative practice</div></div>. For a number of months I'd been endeavouring to focus my attention on external sensory experiences while riding my bicycle, and to ask myself the question 'Where am I?' at any time (including if it felt appropriate during a formal sit, e.g. if I were already distracted by something and answering the question seemed like a good way to address the distraction and more effectively put it aside than just trying my attention back to my focus space). More recently (a week or three prior to this experience), I decided that checking my emotional state would be a good additional informal practice for various reasons of personal development.
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The problem is that I didn't feel that I was remembering to do these practices as often as I ought to be -- hence my dissatisfaction. I decided (beforehand) that since I was going to be taking some LSD anyway, I may as well give my informal practice a little extra attention or effort while I was on my trip, and see if anything would come of it.
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For the first 4 hours of the trip or so, I don't recall having remembered to check my emotional state, ask where I was, or otherwise actually do any of my informal practice. As much as I'd like to claim otherwise, my informal practice was in a state where it wasn't at all abnormal to go this long without doing any of it.
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What makes this trip notable is that when I did remember to check in on my emotional state (I don't remember if if was on the first check or immediately rechecking) my internal voice was just asking 'hey me, how am I feeling?' It felt like a friend who wanted to make sure I was OK. In noticing that I felt cared for by myself, I noticed that for so many of the other acts of informal practice, I hadn't had anything at all like that feeling. In fact, most of the time, I had been beating myself up with feelings of guilt about how long it had been since my last check, and how infrequent my practice was proving to be.
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It occurred to me that all those other times, I felt like I was a child being nagged by my piano teacher for not practicing enough, instead of feeling cared for by a friend. No wonder my informal practice was so infrequent; I was making it feel terrible! This time though, it felt nice. I wanted to do it more, not because I felt that I ought to continue to develop my practice, but because it just plain felt good. This practice suddenly became a lot easier, and I could toss in the other practices by following up the question about how I'm feeling with a sort of 'now that I have my attention, where am I?' <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">'now that I have my attention, where am I?'</div></div>
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Nearly a week has elapsed since then, and the improvement to my informal practice seems to be persisting.
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One thought that's popped into my head about this particular improvement is that this effect may not have arisen so much from pharmacological properties of the drug as much as it arose from more social properties of psychedelics. In particular, asking how someone's feeling when they're on a psychedelic trip is something that I recognize as a trip-sitting behaviour -- that is a particular sort of caring behaviour. Consequently the fact that I was tripping might have made it easier to perceive my practice as that specific sort of caring behaviour -- to recognize it as the caring behaviour that it had always been.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109900</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Not Specified</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 37</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 3, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,775</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109900&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109900&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Guides / Sitters (39), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">140 lb</td>
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</table>
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This weekend, something happened to me that completely changed the way I look at life in general. I'll just add as a side note: I used to do drugs, from when I was like, 13 up until last year. Then I grew up, and realized that my life was just fine without them. The one drug I hadn't done though (that I wanted to do, at least) was LSD. I reacquainted myself with an old friend who used to give me shrooms pretty cheap and he gave me some acid. Another one of my old friends said he'd do it with me, so I split it between my friend and I.
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I was pretty nervous, I guess because it had been at least six or seven months since I'd done any kind of drug at all (unless you count alcohol), so my friend and I smoked a few joints beforehand, when we were back at his house. His parents were out, so we each took two hits of LSD there, and hung around for about an hour waiting for the effects to sink in. We got bored of this, and decided to walk to the beach (which was a 20 minute walk from his house).
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As we walked, we waited for the effects of the acid to start up. I was disappointed at the time, thinking maybe two hits wasn't enough (I was absolutely clueless when it comes to LSD). I was about to ask my friend how much longer it would take when I realized how silent the world was. I stopped walking and listened. There was absolutely no sound at all. I started to freak out a little bit and made my friend stop walking so we could sit down for a minute.
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My friend said something to me, but I remember his voice sounding extremely distant. I could see his lips moving but it was hard to comprehend that he was saying anything. Finally, he told me we were near the beach and we should start walking again. We continued to walk, but everything seemed weird. The ground beneath me didn't feel solid at all, like I could fall through the center of the earth any minute. We came to an alley which would lead us to the beach, and it looked like a cave. It was really dark, almost pitch black, but it couldn't have been later than 5 or 6 pm.
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We finally arrived at the beach and the sand was even more strange than the alley. I constantly felt a sucking sensation near my feet. I looked down at the sand and it was really colorful and I could see all kinds of patterns in it, but I kept feeling like it was at the same level as my neck. I told my friend I was sinking so we hurried over to the jetty and sat down on the rocks. The water looked weird too, the waves looked like they were crashing down on top of me, but they were really distorted. I started to get scared again, and I wanted to sit down on the sand. But when I looked out at the stretch of beach, I saw a huge black hole form in between the jetty and the sand that I was scared to cross. My friend grabbed me and pulled me across anyway, and we sat down on the sand.
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That's when things started to get really scary. I suddenly lost any memory as to where I was, or who I was, or who my friend was <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I suddenly lost any memory as to where I was, or who I was, or who my friend was</div></div>. I looked around at the beach and it all seemed very strange to me. The jetty looked enormous, and the water looked as though it was going to swallow me up. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we got up and started to walk back to my friend's house. As we were walking down the alley, I saw a mangled car sitting by a building I hadn't noticed before. The car seemed to come to life, and I became afraid of it. I continued to walk past it, and turned out of the alleyway, which had seemed extremely dark and morose.
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It was then I realized my friend wasn't with me anymore and I thought the monster-car had eaten him. I felt lost, I had no idea where I was. I was so confused and scared, so I grabbed my phone and dialed the first number that came up on my contacts, which happened to be my girlfriend. She didn't answer and I just started to cry, I felt like I was dying. I fell over in the middle of the street and lay there. I knew I was about to die. I called my girlfriend again, and just kept dialing until my phone battery died. At first I thought she'd answered and I started shouting into the phone. When I didn't hear anything back, I realized the phone was turned off. I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the sky. The clouds were moving closer and closer to me, and suddenly a bright light shined through a break in the clouds. I'm dying, I thought. I'm dying and this is god bringing me to heaven I started calling out to my family and friends, telling them that I love them, and that I'm sorry. I felt my body lift up towards the light. I called out to god, praying and crying out that I don't want to die this way. please god, please let me see my girlfriend again.
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Suddenly, I heard a very loud roar and the light above me dimmed. I realized I was standing and there was a car coming towards me. At first I thought it was a cop, but I recognized a friendly voice when he called out my name through the window. The door opened I saw my girlfriend and two of my guy friends, as well as my other friend who had been on acid with me. I was so happy to see him, to see people I recognized and loved. My friend helped me into the car and drove us back to his house, where he calmed us down and kept us in his basement until we came down from the trip.
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This experience helped me realize a lot of things. For one, bad shit like this can happen to anyone, which is why I'm hating myself now for doing acid in the first place after giving up drugs. Just because you haven't had a bad trip yet doesn't mean you aren't going to. I've been on numerous shroom trips and none of them have been nearly as bad as this one. That feeling, that I was going to die was the worst, most painful and terrifying feeling I'd ever felt in my life. Once I came down, the first thing I did was tell my girlfriend that I love her. The second thing I did was call up my dad and step mom and tell them I love them too, as well as my brothers and sisters. I never want to go through an experience like that again<!--, which is why I strongly advise all of you, to be aware that bad trips can happen, and be prepared to have some way of handling them if you decide to do anything that may lead you to have a bad trip-->.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 66421</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 8, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,651</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=66421&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=66421&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Bad Trips (6), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">350 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
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I scored some acid on Monday afternoon and decided to take the night off of work. I took 3 hits at home at around 9pm and then 3 more two hours later. During the last half of my trip I used my <!--David Paradise XL (available through Mind Alive)--> light and sound mind machine glasses and headphones and I used the Schumann Resonance Frequency program.
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That was cool enough, but then after about an hour I decided to use the Mind Machine along with my Venus 2000 masturbation machine. WOW!!! The Venus 2000 felt absolutely outstanding! I was able to by-pass having an orgasm because I didn't want it to end. The sexual energy continued up my spine and into my head, and in only a matter of minutes I found myself transported inside a magnificent light-filled dome temple-like structure. It was made up of vibrating golden and multicolored and sparkling energy that was whirring and rotating around like a motor, creating intricate patterns like you see inside domed temples. I really felt like I was completely there (not just thinking about it) and I experienced a complete feeling of ecstasy and bliss that was vibrating throughout my whole mind and body along with the spectacular flow of energy that was perpetually whirring around like a cyclone. I looked up towards the ceiling (although I didn't feel like I had a body) and beheld a pure white light that wasn't bright at all to look at and it was radiating pure joy and Love. I instinctively identified with the light as being 'The Godhead'. I then realized where many religions must have gotten the inspiration for designing their grand domed cathedrals decorated with intricate ornate golden patterns inside.
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Afterward, I realized that I had personally experienced what countless men for thousands of years have striven to experience. While I was in that state of bliss, I also decided to do some internal energy balancing and by doing so I managed to actually heal my sore back and neck completely. They even feel fine today. I also did some other energy-balancing to attempt to correct my occasional heart beat skip and a lot of congestion in my lungs (from my ongoing chest cold) and that seems to have worked too. I can't say how long those physical improvements will last but I hope for quite a while.
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Afterward, when I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror, my face kept morphing into different people throughout the ages (such as noble knights, etc) and I realized that hundreds or thousands of generations of my ancestors have all led up to me living life in this present time. For instance, I had four grandparents and of course they had two parents, four grandparents each, also. Those sixteen great grand parents also had two parents and four grandparents each, etc, etc, etc. That makes countless relatives over time since the beginning of mankind. Of course, none of those people are around anymore, so I am the current continuation and evolution of their lineage. I wondered, per chance, if one person out of all those tens of thousands of my ancient relatives going back in history wasn't present within my family tree equation, then where would that leave me today? If one couple didn't meet, or if they didn't conceived their off-spring at exactly the time that they did then what difference would that make regarding my existence today? Interesting...
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With the the <!--David Paradise XL--> mind machine, I also managed to avoid the dragging period where I can't sleep and don't enjoy the come-down. I was still feeling the effects by the afternoon of the next day. I had no chemically feeling or any toxic feeling at all. I had a good sleep for about four hours or so afterward and felt positive, rested and energetic and took the dogs for a walk in the back field. What a great experience!<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 84894</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 42</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 14, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,654</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=84894&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=84894&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">Mind Machine Devices (301), LSD (2) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Sex Discussion (14), Combinations (3)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
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<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">11 st</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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I deserved what happened to me. I ignored set and setting.
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I was going through something of a personal crisis – learning that I had a personality disorder, coping with a very difficult relationship, in a time of great flux and confusion over the path I want to take in life. I also decided to take my acid at a party completed unsuited to it.
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I dropped 2 tabs as soon as I arrived. I’ve taken a lot of acid, and this was definitely very strong stuff. One of my friends had also dropped 2 before I arrived, and he looked as if he was experiencing intense G-Force. His eyes were rolling back in his head and he had no control over his limbs, grabbing, with fearful strength, at whoever was near. I was a lot more experienced than him, however, so was relatively unperturbed.
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Around half an hour later I was feeling nauseous. The malaise continued for around an hour, but I did not vomit. During this period, the party started kicking off. Around 200 people, most of whom I barely knew, piled into the house. There was literally no room to move.
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At this point the visuals started. Intricate patterns wove themselves into the concrete yard, spilling out into the air. This patterning grew more intense over the next 15 minutes or so, until it hit a peak where reality began dissolving into a buzzing neon wireframe. It was as if I was seeing the fundamental space which matter occupies, complete with chromatic energy fluctuations <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">It was as if I was seeing the fundamental space which matter occupies, complete with chromatic energy fluctuations</div></div> – a complex vibrating 3D grid. At this point it made no difference whether I had my eyes open or closed. I was elated at these visuals I was presented with, in full 360 degree vision. However, I fought these hallucinations, as this was not the kind of place to totally lose contact with reality. <!--I wouldn’t recommend intense parties if you plan to do serious psychedelic investigation.-->
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After this, things began to turn sour in my head. Acid, for me, has always transposed my mental state, most of all, onto people’s facial expressions. I saw distaste and disinterest in everyone’s faces. I felt horribly out of place. This was made worse by the fact that a lot of the people running the party have an unpleasant and hostile history with my girlfriend. This started a snowballing of negative thoughts in my head. It snowballed and snowballed until it seemed like I had hundreds of voices in my head, screaming vitriolic insults that pierced my deepest insecurities. I find it easy to lose control of my thought processes on acid. It can only take a seemingly insignificant trigger.
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I was relieved to get a taxi back to my girlfriend's. I managed to interact with the driver relatively normally, despite the hyper-powered chaos in my head. I felt as if my mind had almost limitless power. I could run multiple separate conscious logical chains, and the speed of resolution of each chain was markedly faster than normal. Unfortunately, most of this was concentrated on self-criticism.
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At my girlfriend's, I was filled with explosive energy. I couldn’t sit still. I felt like I was on a large dose of amphetamine. I couldn’t stop dancing – and leaping to the ceiling - to my hardtrance CD, it helped quell the introspective torrent in my head.
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It didn’t last, however, and I ended up getting very angry and frustrated with my girlfriend and the situation we’re in and my friends’ part in its creation. The acid had opened emotional floodgates. I was crying with rage and ended up leaving as the sun was coming up, following an argument with my girlfriend.
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The walk home was one of the worst experiences of my life. This was the point when the trip turned into a true introspective nightmare. Stuck in my own head in the early hours of the morning, I nearly broke down a few times, until I had climbed the tallest hill in the city, where I collapsed in tears. The scene was unbearably beautiful, the juxtaposition of my emotional state and the acid enhanced scene of my entire hometown in sunrise was unbearable.
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I went home (around 10 hours after dropping) and the visuals were still going strong. My room was morphing and overlaid with fractal patterns. Staring out the windows at the clouds, they turned into simple spheroid blobs lining a tunnel stretching to a vanishing point with an empyrean glow. Such beautiful effects distracted me, if it were not for them, I would have been even worse.
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I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. My reflection became a personification of everything I hate about myself. It felt so real I was pushed into a suicidal state, and I started hitting myself and tearing at my skin. The next two hours of trying to get to sleep were some of my darkest hours. Although the visuals started to subside, the acid enhanced introspection continued and worsened. I eventually got to sleep after smoking a large joint of extremely strong skunk.
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This was the most mentally oriented acid trip I’ve ever had. I’ve had stronger visuals, but never has my mind been so profoundly affected. During the whole trip, I could conjure up fantastic, often disgusting, scenes in my mind’s eye that were completely clear and elaborately intricate. They were often fast moving geometric patterns, whose units were made up of objects and people from my everyday life. This is a poor description of how they were experienced, however. They were often decidedly unpleasant, especially at home in my darkest hours, and the patterning and interactions seemed to logically display horrible truths about my life.
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Conclusion: This was an astoundingly interesting experience. It was, however, not one I wish to repeat. When people say set and setting are important, they really mean it. <!--I’d especially be careful, or avoid hallucinogens at all, if you are mentally ill.--> The day after, I still felt quite suicidal. It’s 3 days later, and I still haven’t left the house.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2007</td><td width="90">ExpID: 64978</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: Not Given</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 15, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,781</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=64978&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=64978&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Various (28), Hangover / Days After (46), Difficult Experiences (5)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
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<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/meth/">Methamphetamine</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">insufflated</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/3-meo-pcp/">3-MeO-PCP</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">.5 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/etizolam/">Etizolam</a></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">130 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
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I am a 24 (almost 25) year old male. And I am roughly 6' tall. I have very extensive experience with all major drugs, (LSD, mushrooms, MDMA, Ketamine, benzos, opiates, and stimulants, except for cocaine) and quite an large list of research chemicals of all classes (probably close to 50 various chems).
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This is a recounting of two separate events involving 3-MeO-PCP, Methamphetamine, and LSD.
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At the time of the first event, I probably weighed 130 lbs and was quite addicted to meth, so that was constantly at play in my system. I was probably doing 0.5 grams per day on average. I was pretty unhealthy. Just to give a general idea on body type and stuff. Anyway...
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I had been at a friend's place, doing speed for at least a couple days. So sleep deprivation was also at play. But we had also gotten some 3-meo-pcp from one of my favorite vendors. And we had been doing tiny little bumps every now and then. We had a significant dissociative tolerance, from constant use of 3-meo and other dissos. So we had good experience with our limits on 3-meo (through trial and error, and several uncomfortable experiences). So we were spun, and 3-meo'd up. Having a blast! I would say I had probably taken 10-15 milligrams near the time of the incident. (definitely high dose, I know) Then a mutual friend of ours comes over. We spend time hanging out, doing speed, and bullshitting. After a few hours, he decides that he is gonna leave, and I have him give me a ride home. Before we leave, I trade him some etizolam for some of his acid because I wanted to trip that night at home. I get 3 hits, 2 of one batch, and one of another. We get in his vehicle and head out towards my place. On the way home, I drop all 3 hits and we have a nice chill drive. He's one of my best friends, and I am extremely high... So I'm in a great mood :) He drops me off at my place and we say our farewells. I go inside, and I can feel the acid creeping up on me (T+30 on the acid). I turn on the tv (which only has very basic cable) and it goes onto an infomercial. I decide that I need to get into some more comfortable clothing. At this point, the acid is starting to get into more full swing.
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T+60 by the time I've decided to change clothes. Things are starting to become real intense. I'm becoming confused, and keep forgetting what I'm doing. In the process of getting changed, I forget what I am doing while naked. I abandon getting clothes on because I can't remember what I was doing. So I am naked, kind of roaming my house in confusion, with brief moments of clarity. In one of those moments, I realized that I was naked and super fucked up, and should probably close the blinds at least, so that no neighbors would see.
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T+1hr15m After closing the blinds, I sit down and take half a milligram of etizolam, in hopes that it may prevent any unpleasant feelings and perhaps keep me from losing my mind too much. I begin watching the infomercial. I have the feeling that it is trying to indoctrinate me. I become stressed and decide to try to let myself be programmed by the tv in hopes that it will be nice and easy and painless. BTW I only have a bandana on around my neck. I feel trapped by it and start to try to take it off, and the infomercial begins to warp along to my progress on getting it off. Finally I get it off. And things feel happier. After this, time becomes impossible to keep track of or even guess about.
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I realize that I am more twisted that I have ever been, and I begin to feel that I might be discovered in my condition and decide to go upstairs to my room. I lay down on the floor, realize that that is incorrect for a human to do. Then after some struggle, lay down in my bed. It is pitch black in my room because I did not turn the light on. I lay down for what feels like hours. I begin to see some light outside my window (which probably was there the whole time from a street light or the stores down the street). I begin to feel worried that I may be found naked on my bed, which would also be peculiar for someone to do. So I finally figure out how to turn on my light. And I try to put on a sweatshirt on. After fumbling with that for several
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minutes, I realize that it will not happen. I begin to get the feeling that something is beckoning me to open my door.
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At this point I am feeling like I am basically in my little shell of my mind. I open the door, and feel lighter. I realize that I have opened a door, metaphorically, to the world. I have always struggled with being open with people, and here I was, stripped down and having just opened up a little bit to the world. Then, I begin to have a feeling/sense an entity telling me to come outside. I stumble down the stairs to the front door. I grip the handle and feel myself being gently urged to open the door. I open it, close it behind me, and stand on the front porch. I get the feeling that I have stripped myself bare and am finally open to the world, and have the sense that I am now the second coming of Christ. (I am an atheist, but in my deluded state, everything made complete sense.) All my struggles in life, depression, anxiety, drug addiction, pain, all suddenly had a purpose.. A reason for all I had gone through.
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I felt an entity/had a feeling that I needed to get to people, so that everybody would know that everything is going to be okay. That I had signalled the end of war, and there would be only peace and prosperity. I sprinted down the street, through a field (and some blackberry bushes, lots of thorns, also made lots of sense with the whole Jesus thing), kept running, at full speed, onto the main road, down that, across that road, through traffic, to the local 7/11. I then was just outside the store proclaiming at the top of my lungs that we had done it. It was over. And peace has finally been attained. But very quickly, the police showed up, and arrested me. Yet I thought they were doing it for my good as Christ, and they were going to take me to wherever I needed to be.
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As I was arrested, they asked if I had taken drugs. I said yes. Well, more yelled. I could not control my voice, I could only yell and scream, and my voice was shuddering. They asked if I had taken acid? YES! Meth? YES! PCP? YES, ALL OF IT! I was very remorseful, and felt bad for being the savior, and still having fucked up. But felt good that everything was out in the open.
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They put me in the back of the squad car, in handcuffs, and started to drive me to the hospital I believe. But I believed, back and forth, that either they were going to sacrifice me, so that I could die for people's sins and peace would be attained, or that I would be united with Gaya, and we would become a complete God.
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I believe that they were asking if I understood my rights and what was going to happen, and I think they are asking if I am ready for where I will be taken. Which I keep saying YES, I AM READY! By this point I am going in and out of black outs. We roll up to the hospital, and there is a blinding light, and I suddenly am in the hospital. Before fading out, I look over and see my reflection in the rail guard of the hospital bed, and I believe I have completed my quest. I black out, and then suddenly I am being processed through jail. I then come to again in my jail cell, uncertain of whether all of that had actually happened.
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My mom posted my bail, and took me to her place in the town where she lives. I was terrified of the withdrawal and depression I may have to deal with since I will have stopped my meth habit, so when I grab my stuff from my place, I also grab my 3-meo-pcp, and deschloroketamine. I spend the week doing both of those and trying to process everything. At the end of the week, my mother and I get into a very unpleasant fight, and I call a friend to come pick me up so I can be in a better place until I can get a ride home. Which I eventually do. From my friends who I used meth with.
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So because of the fight I had with my mom, I have the 'fuck its'. I get to my friend's place, angry and not caring, and immediately start getting spun. I do that for a day and a half. Then my friend with the acid shows up, and I ask if I can test his new batch. We both drop an unknown amount (didnt have a dropper) of an unknown potency batch. Terrible decision I know. Especially on the exact same mixture of things that screwed me up before. <span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span> But we drive to another friends house so my friend can sell some weed.
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While over there, psychosis starts to creep up on me again. I deal with it fine and then we leave. We head back towards our other friend's place, and I really begin to get concerned about his driving because he is also on acid. I begin to get the hallucinations, both visual and audio. We stop briefly as I am having a freak out, but resume our journey and make it to our friends place. I am too fucked up to stay, so I tell my friend to take me home. We make it a bit away, and I get a God complex. I believe that I am God and control everything that happens. I begin to hear voices. My friend stopped at a stop sign, and I bolted from the car. I was much too fast for him to process what had happened. And I began to run back towards our other friend's place. I ran probably close to 2 miles, ran through a field, fell in it, rolled around in a ditch, got up. Then, I ran down the road, over someone's fence into their back yard, out their gate, down another street, to what I thought was my friend's place.
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Well.... It wasn't my friend's place. I kept trying to get into the door, which was locked. I kept bumping into the door, hearing my friends' voices as clear as day, which was a hallucination, making me think they were just messing with me. Eventually I gave up. Turned towards the parking lot, and saw vehicles. I thought one of them was my friend's vehicle, looking back it definitely wasn't, but I tried getting into that car. I kept hearing his voice coming from inside the car, once again, thinking he was just fucking with me. Eventually, I gave up, and kept spinning in circles and bouncing between the two cars. Then I fell down. (by the way, it was raining and cold this whole time) I fell into a puddle between the cars, and lay there twitching and rolling around.
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Suddenly, there were police and EMTs. They kept asking me questions, but I couldn't remember anything or how to use words. I kept in mind that I had taken LSD, and I meant to say '25' as in 'LSD-25' but I got it mixed up and kept saying '21' over and over to all questions they asked me. The EMTs and police were talking about me off to the side as I sat on the back of the ambulance. They kept saying that they thought I was homeless, a tweaker, a junkie, to which I would look over and desperately say 'no....' sadly. I felt hurt that they would act like that. I mean, what did it matter what was going on with me? I needed help... Anyway, they eventually got me on the gurney and into the back of the ambulance. I blacked out for a few, then came to womping like I had been on nitrous.
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I then had the delusion that everything that had happened had been a hallucination from a dental procedure. And following that one, I thought that years ago, I had ordered 2C-I online and that I had been hospitalized back then, and that I was only 13 or 14 again. Then I blacked out, and was in the hospital, with the delusion that I was an ancient being and a medical mystery. Eventually, the psychosis faded away, and I came to realize that I had just done it again. I was told my mom was coming to see me and pick me up. I had the hospital turn her away because I was so ashamed. Eventually, my friend called the hospital and came to get me. He picked me up and took me home.
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Those experiences were the craziest experiences of my life. They were also life changing. I have since gone into outpatient treatment, and am now 70 days clean from those chemicals. I have learned tons of tools, and learned to realize when I'm making poor decisions. I have also become incredibly healthy. I am actually very happy that I went through all that. I have overcome depression, and a lot of my anxiety has lessened. My spirituality has grown (not in religious way, but my connection with the universe and love and compassion and understanding), and things are going great.
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Well I hope you enjoyed my experience report, and take something from it :) Peace and love, people. Peace and love!
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109912</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 24</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Feb 28, 2017</td><td>Views: 13,887</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109912&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109912&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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<tr><td colspan="2">3-MeO-PCP (558), Methamphetamine (37), LSD (2) : Multi-Day Experience (13), Depression (15), Entities / Beings (37), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Combinations (3), Various (28)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
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<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">150 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
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<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 5:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">55 kg</td>
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INTRO
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In Brazil, one of the largest and most awaited festivals is the carnival, it lasts from friday night till midday wednesday (in some states people do party for even longer time). So, a couple of friends from the countryside, Bomb, Maurice and Snow, decided to come to my hometown, a capital, to enjoy the festivities. They were really interested in having some molly for the time being, so we ended up getting some really pure MDMA powder from a friend of mine. I’m not a big fan of parties neither the carnival itself, but since I also got some E for myself I thought it could be fun if we hit some kind of electronic music party, among the hundreds of street parties that happen in the period (this kind of parties are pretty unusual in carnival, since most of them are “samba”, “axé” and other brazilian music parties). On thursday we finally found an electronic party, from some guys of a huge rave group from the town. Previously I have had bought a big bulk of marquis tested acid blotters and still had some with my friend Slickback, so I thought it would be nice to do a candyflip since I have a pretty decent experience with lucy, and various other psychedelics, and have had MDMA 2-3 times prior.
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THE DAY
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It was a very long day. I had to go get the acid with Slickback before the party, since some of my friends, me and my girlfriend (Liebe) were all going to candyflip and, even before that, I had to go to my aunt’s house in a nearby city. So I woke up early, had a small breakfast and went to my aunt’s. We’ve had a good nostalgia time there looking at really old pictures of my family and had lunch around 14:00.
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Later on I got back to town to meet up with Slickback. He was at a really nice bar full of old school carnival goers (I mean, they were pretty much old people dancing to old carnival songs, it was fun!). We hung out for a while with two other mutual friends for a couple of hours and then I had to go meet up with my girlfriend and her friends, so we could go to the party. Slickback handed me 6 and ¼ tabs, so, I went downtown to gather up and party on! Once with Liebe and her friends we moved on to the block where the party was happening. The place looked kinda shady and with a lot less people I expected, but the party was going on hard and I quickly found with my friends from out of town.
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THE NIGHT
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As soon as I met up with my friends, I dropped half a tab and my girlfriend dropped the other half at 20:50. She decided to stay back with her friends, since one of them was having kind of a birthday party, and I stood close to my friends that already were feeling the substances kicking in and were dancing crazily near the boomboxes.
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When the acid started to shift my perception, I decided it was time to find my girlfriend and get ready to take the E. I wandered pointless without finding her, but was surprised to find my usual dealer (the one who got us the MD) and a very dear friend that were my classmate at Uni, she was really happy to see me and got even happier once I told her our friends were also here (the guys from out of town). Finally I glanced up and saw Liebe with her friends uphill, by the side of the party. I climbed rapidly and greeted her and her friends really excited. Some of the people with them wasn’t quite enjoying the place, so they were pondering leaving, but my gf and the birthday person wanted to stay more, so they ended up splitting up and the three of us moved to the dance floor.
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Back to the crowd we looked for a while for my friends but didn’t have any success, so we just danced for a little while until I became too determined to find them, left the two and went on my quest. It was getting almost impossible to find people there, the music was getting too distorted to not care and the small crowd dancing looked like a maze ever shifting and moving. Once again, after several minutes searching, I’ve found my friends uphill too and tried to find my girlfriend and her friend so we could all regroup and hang together. So, I failed once again in locating her and was so tired of searching for people that I decided to join my friends and sat uphill. I ran to climb it again, this time almost falling off in the middle of it. When I looked down I was just amazed by so many people dancing and sharing the same vibes, we chatted for a while and I then realized I haven’t dropped the E yet, so I needed to find Liebe so we could share the MD and the trip!
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This time I was so focused that I finally found my girlfriend. She took 100mg and I took 150mg, the reason being is because she have never done MDMA prior to this day. Once we were together we danced and had a lot of fun, visuals were really mild and the headspace was clean, since I wasn’t feeling much (as expected since we were doing low doses of LSD) I was eager to start feeling the E so I could just unleash myself into the dance floor.
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Around 30 minutes after taking the E and roughly 2 hours after the acid we decided to take a break since we were getting a little tired. This time, as soon as I was uphill I was able to find all the people I know. This is a very distinct characteristic for stimulants for me since I always get this concentration and precise thought processing, this plus the acid perception increase, made me not get too distracted with everything and be able to finally find people amidst that chaos.
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As I was sitting there feeling like I had the eye of thundera and its “vision beyond sight”, some guy with a beautiful german shepherd sat by my side. I am not a very sociable person, I mean, I am fully aware that I’m slightly socially awkward and starting conversations and almost every person approach to me it’s kinda difficult, but well, this was not the case. I didn’t feel any anxiety at all at approaching the guy and asking about the dog, he then told me it was a lil girl and her name was Princess. Oh man, that was some amazingly soft fur and the dog was so friendly I could stay there for hours, but since everybody was getting back down to the music I went with it.
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Once back I realized I wasn’t thinking about the dance moves I was doing, it was like I was just feeling the music and interpreting it, making the sound waves turn into body waves. I wanted to close my eyes and see the visuals the music was forming, but since I’m a little shy (and there were two cop cars not far from us) I borrowed my gf sunglasses and danced with my eyes closed for some time. At this moment I was truly just feeling the music, since I couldn’t see how I was dancing or how the people around me were dancing. And then out of nowhere in this trance like state a really loud noise overcame the music and people started cheering really loud, as I opened my eyes I saw this helicopter right above us, going up and down and blinking a light. A smile took over my face and I just stood there looking at that thing, it was pretty mental haha.
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My sense of linearity is kind of foggy from here onwards. I know that I danced like hell and hugged lots of people (I really do love to hug, but most of the time I’m too shy to randomly ask people for hugs, but every time I used E, I just went on a crazy hug rampage <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">most of the time I’m too shy to randomly ask people for hugs, but every time I used E, I just went on a crazy hug rampage</div></div>). Unfortunately out of the blue, the DJ stops playing, thanks everybody and the staff starts packing things up. The party was supposed to last until 08:00, but it was barely 01:00 when they shut it down. I think they had some problems with noise complaints and the police forced them to end it earlier.
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AFTERMATH
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We were all really sad that the party had come to an end, we were still high as fuck and going home wasn’t an option yet. We overheard that the party would continue back in downtown but we couldn’t be sure. But well, since we had nothing better to do, we gathered up with 10-15 people and adventured ourselves in the city. The neighborhoods we needed to cross until our destiny weren’t the prettiest of all, after all this is downtown in a big south american city. But the almost disaster turned on really good and we had lots of fun in the way. It was really great to be there with those people that I love so much! We chatted and hugged a lot along the way and I felt so good to just talk with them, having no anxiety or any bad feelings at all.
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After arriving at the place, we just found some bars and drunk people that was having they last moments of carnival, before it ends. I do not drink, so usually when I’m high on acid I find that drunkens are just too lingering and such a pain in the ass sometimes, but maybe it’s just the overanalysis that make me not like them that much in this state since they can get really touchy and dumb. We stood there for 30-40 minutes, but we were already coming down from the MDMA and getting tired.
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So me, Liebe, Snow, Bomb and Maurice decided to head back to my place and finish the acid trip there after we smoked a joint. I believe they were already building up the sound system again, but after more than an hour that it ended, we weren’t much into dancing like crazy again. So we made all the way back, since the bus stop is near the previous party place and hopped into the station. The guardsman said we could enter by the sidedoor and not pay the bus ticket, since it was late and carnival, really nice guy! The bus didn’t take much time to show up and beside us, there was only a homeless guy on it. Later on this guy rolled a bill and asked if we wanted to snort some coke, as we said no, he kept up offering a list of different substances. I don’t know if he was that crazy to offer us lots of drugs or if he was joking with us since Maurice and Snow were wearing sunglasses at 2 am and he did mention that but unfortunately I couldn't quite make sense of what he was saying.
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Maurice slept as soon as we were home and Snow followed him right after we smoked a joint, I believe they were the first ones to sleep because they’ve been partying 4 days straight, and Maurice kept it up doing molly all 4 of them, crazy bastards those guys haha.
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Once they were asleep, the remaining three of us headed down to the pool and laid at the hammocks, I believe we smoked another joint and Bomb told us how he totally freaked out when the copter showed up. Since there were a lot of police cars nearby, he thought it was a police copter coming to arrest us all and thrown away half a tab of nbome he had. In this moment I thought to myself, better in the ground than in his system! Shortly after I closed my eyes and was sucked into some kind of tunnel, I could see it and feel it, so I opened my eyes to find beautiful visuals that I haven’t realized until that very moment! We were like 6 hours in the acid trip and the visuals were coming hard! I believe it’s because the E was totally off and so the acid took over. As I was looking at the geometric patterns and the marvelous colors, the word “EGO” popped into my head and as soon as that happened I started visualizing cables, cables that came from the same place and plugged and unplugged into several different bodies, like the consciousness was something apart from the body, that only connects to it and all the different egos come from the same place, really weird shit. I believe I slept some time after this, after trying to figure out what was that that I saw and contemplating the gorgeous kaleidoscope vision.
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CONCLUSION
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This is definitely a golden combination. It’s like all the harshness and anxiety of acid is stripped away and replaced with bliss and love. Of course the MDMA took the control of the trip when it kicked in, after all I took a big dose of Molly and a small dose of Lucy, but it made me feel so good and confident that even when it came down, the trip had no anxiety and had a more organized and clean feeling. I’ll definitely gonna try it again with the same MDMA dose and a higher LSD dose.
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Lots of peace, love and nice trips!<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110101</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 19</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 16, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,769</td></tr>
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<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr>
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<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
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<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
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A Day in the Botanical Gardens With Lucy
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<br>
I and three of my friends (we’ll refer to them as J, H &amp; S throughout the story) decided to spend a long summer day in the Botanical Gardens on LSD. At around 11am we had settled down in a beautiful spot in the gardens. H had just bought an Ehrlich’s reagent testing kit. I had met the dealer over Tinder and hence we did not trust him completely and were nervous about being given 25I-NBOMe or another type research chemical we were not familiar with. The kit indicated LSD. I &amp; H took a full tab (sold as 150ug/tab); S &amp; J took half a tab each as it was their first time.
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I was the first to come up. As I was coming up on the acid, a large group of 100 primary school children came walking through the gardens on some kind of school excursion. I had fond memories of school excursions to the gardens as a child and found this to be quite a loopy thought – evidently; Lucy’s effects were starting to kick in. I watched the children roll down the hill with so much energy and light-heartedness. I felt children did not need acid, but I needed acid to get back to mind of a child even for just a few hours.
<br>
<br>
At that point J who is artistic and had brought a bunch of paint and a canvas with her decided to attempt to paint something. 10 minutes later, I was tripping hard but still had my shit together enough to put the paint away as J completely lost it, pissing herself with laughter and getting the paint everywhere.
<br>
<br>
At this point I went for a walk. I walked further and further until I stumbled across the Greenhouse I had visited several months ago on a prior trip. An old man of about 60 warned me about the heat and humidity inside, but I was determined to be reunited with the plants once again. When inside, I felt the plants were whispering to me and found incredible peace surrounded by so much life. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I felt the plants were whispering to me and found incredible peace surrounded by so much life.</div></div> I left the Greenhouse only to realise I was completely and utterly lost. After what felt like 30 minutes and after some slight worrying I found the ‘home base’ and my friend H therapeutically crying.
<br>
<br>
The next few hours were filled with laughter and joy while watching tourists make ridiculous poses in amongst the trees. I pondered whether the tourists were also on Lucy, or if they were behaving so ridiculously on purpose as to entertain me or if perhaps this was simply their normal behaviour. I then was asked to take a photo for a couple of tourists. The fact that I spoke English and the tourists spoke Chinese make the interaction difficult enough, but the added dimension that I was tripping balls and struggling to hold my shit together made the interaction all the more outrageous. I put a lot of energy into photographing the couple and felt tremendous joy being able to provide this service. Meanwhile J had gone on a walk and had also taken photos of some tourists including a selfie with an old nanny.
<br>
<br>
We then moved the home base to a more scenic and open spot. I lay down on the grass and listened to Clair de Lune (Claude Debussy) and experienced kaleidoscope vision whilst looking up at the sky. After another four to five hours we left the gardens, leaving behind nothing but the abstract painting J had done earlier in the day for fellow garden users to ponder.
<br>
<br>
Despite taking the LSD at 11.30am in the morning, I could feel a funny feeling in my chest and had racing thoughts until I finally fell asleep at 5am in the morning. I believe this was not caused by the LSD per se, but rather by some slight anxiety that I was never going to feel sober again and would be permanently in a psychotic state.
<br>
<br>
The following day, I had a rough and unexpected ‘come-down’ as a result of the acid trip, much like the low feelings one might have after consuming MDMA. I believe this was psychological rather than physical. I believe in some ways, during the trip, I felt more normal, at peace and happy than I had in a long time. This trip has given me some insight into a state of being I would like to aspire to feel while sober. Finally, whilst this trip was overwhelmingly positive and happy, I realised how fragile the day was and how easily the trip could have gone south. I am humbled by the extraordinary power of LSD.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109669</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Mar 31, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,039</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109669&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109669&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Nature / Outdoors (23), Hangover / Days After (46), General (1), Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.66 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">100 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/sumatriptan/">Sumatriptan</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:05</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diazepam/">Pharms - Diazepam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/pharms/diazepam/">Pharms - Diazepam</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">145 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
10:30 75-100ug LSD
<br>
12:45 100mg Sumatriptan
<br>
1:35 5mg Valium
<br>
2:35 5mg Valium
<br>
<br>
This trip report is about an attempt I recently made to terminate a migraine using a small dose of LSD. At approximately 10:30 on a Saturday I felt a migraine coming on. I had one the night before and took my regular dose of 100 sumatriptan. Based on studies and anecdotal evidence on the web there have been a large number of reported cases where a migraine was terminated within 20 minutes of a small dose of LSD. The majority of these cases were Cluster Migraines which more often affect men, but there did seem to be some cases of successful treatment of women’s migraines. Mine are cyclical and occur most often 1-2 days before my period. There are only very isolated cases of it causing or aggravating a headache.
<br>
<br>
At 10:30 I take the 2/3rds hit of acid. It is advertised at 150ug per hit and my husband has taken it before and feels that it is probably in this range. It has been tested and reagents indicate that it is indeed LSD. There is no taste. In 15 Minutes I feel it coming on. I cannot keep my feet still where I am sitting. The Headache is getting worse.
<br>
<br>
11:30 I have been coming up the last 45 minutes and I am anxious and still very tense. The headache is getting worse. I have short periods of relief lasting a few minutes only to have it return at an even higher Intensity. I am definitely tripping, the sheets I am laying on feel wonderful and things are changing in size, but it is impossible to enjoy over the pain.
<br>
<br>
11:45 Nausea has set in and I vomit. I feel this is caused by a combination of the pain and effects of the LSD. This has now turned into one of my most painful migraines.
<br>
<br>
12:45 I can no longer take the pain and take a 100mg Sumatriptan pill.
<br>
<br>
1:35 The pain has continued to build and I now take 5mg valium to terminate the trip.
<br>
<br>
1:45 The valium has kicked in and the trip has been almost completely terminated. The pain has dropped to a more manageable level. It is shocking have fast I came out of it and I am very relieved.
<br>
<br>
2:45 The Migraine component is gone. My head aches more as if it were bruised now. This feeling has happened to me before after a severe migraine. Take an additional 5mg valium in attempt to sleep.
<br>
<br>
The next day:
<br>
I am exhausted and in bed until the afternoon My brain still aches. It is not a migraine but the residual effects. I can finally do something around 3:00 pm and go to the food store.
<br>
<br>
2 Days Later:
<br>
I do not enjoy my morning coffee and almost have to force myself to drink it. Soft boiled egg tastes wonderful though. I am relaxed and have energy to do some stuff I was too overwhelmed with to do before the trip. Anxiety levels are much lower.
<br>
<br>
It was very scary that the migraine medication had no affect on my pain level whatsoever. That 75-100ug of LSD can completely overpower 100mg of a migraine medication (a thousand to one ratio) is a testament to how powerful acid is. The pain came in waves and built with the trip and I would guess once the valium deactivated the LSD, the migraine medication took back over end ended the migraine. It was nice that I still did enjoy the typical aftereffects of a trip but I will not repeat this experiment.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2014</td><td width="90">ExpID: 104348</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 48</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 7, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,530</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=104348&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=104348&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Alone (16), Combinations (3), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
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<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> </td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">65 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
It began at work, a fair ways into a shift I decided to microdose LSD and MDMA with a fellow employee who likes his drugs, a rather flawed but at least initially quite enjoyable decision. I worked overnights at McDonalds, so we worked through until sunrise, experiencing general sensations of happiness and energy whilst focusing heavily on my work, completing it fast and rather well. I noted that everything seemed brighter, colors contrasting with each other in a way light I found rather pleasant, not dissimilar from my first time smoking cannabis, but with a lot more gray, white and shitty tiles instead of rolling hills speckled by evergreens in mid-winter California. It made the experience overall more bearable and the effects were already quite strong.
<br>
<br>
Finishing up with work, I made the decision to head back to my coworker's place and drop some tabs, an additional two 175ug tabs on top of the microdosing effort, figuring it was a good a time as any as I had a few days off of work. Generally being a rather sleep-deprived individual, I did not consider the potential effects of having worked through the night could have on my trip. Being a McDonald's employee however, I threw caution to the wind and began to watch Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas alongside my friend, the more experienced drug user.
<br>
<br>
The come-up was rather giddy for me, and I was very much absorbed in the movie so I did not notice many of the effects as they came on, instead taking the unusual approach, for me at least considering my depressive personality, of laughing and talking about the movie, particularly its set design and how everything seemed to 'have meaning' scene by scene, based on the belief that the director must be a genius because everything seemed to be placed perfectly in such a way as to further add context, and story to the movie; contrasting with many films that seem to have eye candy only for the sake of having eye candy. From the beginning, my hanging out with another individual was rather uncommon, whilst I have no confirmation it is rather obvious from my point of view that I am an individual placed somewhere on the autism spectrum, high-functioning autism, Asperger's if you will.
<br>
<br>
After a certain period of time passed, we were about two hours into the movie and I would also assume, the trip. I began to realize that I had a rather ridiculous overabundance in energy, and that the film was getting progressively more and more boring. Also, I felt heavier whilst laying down, as if I were going to sink into the bed and earth. This was not overly comfortable for me, so I had a desire to go outside on my friend's beautiful property, look at trees, breathe in fresh air, look at the sky, and pat some cats. This is around about the time that my friend began to notice some fairly erratic behavior on my end, I myself was rather past the point of caring about masculinity, and my definition of 'cool' or 'normal' behavior finding itself largely thrown to the wind.
<br>
<br>
I began to contemplate my place in the universe, society, etcetera as I breathed in that fresh air, the only fresher air I have ever experienced being on my first trip during a swim at a beach, meaning I was mostly enjoying the action of taking deep breaths. My friend's cat came up to me, I squatted down and patted it for a while whilst talking to my friend, I ended up jokingly grasping its neck and pretending I was choking it; this kind of creeped my friend out but it was only a second or two before I released the cat and went back to petting. After this, I kind of took a seat somewhere miscellaneous, I just remember seeing a hallway, and I spoke to my friend for a time.
<br>
<br>
Whilst I don't remember the specifics of the conversation, in my mind it essentially revolved around humanity functioning under the influence of the collective psyche proposed by Carl Jung, each and every individual a being created purely for the sake of experiencing and understanding reality, existence through billions of different forms, points of views and even entirely different realities. Why would this be the case? Because we are a process through which the universe expends energy in its approach towards maximum entropy, or infinite possibility; both the end-point and the start-point of our universe and all universes. A division in this entropy created the poles of existence, which I relate to the concepts of interdependent opposites in my interpretation of Yin-Yang, good and evil. It became apparent to me that by bringing these opposites together, a spark is created that pushes them apart, expanding the space in which they exist before they once more attempt to come together and then blow apart once more, over and over again until the energy from the initial separation is dispersed over a significant distance so that existence itself is no longer capable of holding itself together, once more finding that maximum entropy and point of infinite possibility known only as the time before the Big Bang.
<br>
<br>
Being a tenth grade dropout, I found it all rather interesting, albeit somewhat flawed due to my belief in my own lack of intelligence; but I decided that my conception wasn't entirely wrong, and from the beginning I came to the realization that what I was trying to focus on was the concept of good and evil, and why denying either one within oneself was inconsistent with the rest of universe, whilst not necessarily any less effective in dispersing energy throughout space even if it is significantly more boring.
<br>
<br>
All in all, one could say it was in this short time in this hallway, sitting on a table across from my friend that I truly came to understand why good and bad are entirely circumstantial, subjective as well as meaningless in the traditional idea of it, from my point of view. My reasoning for this was, rather simply, Christianity and Islam, racism and social inequality as well as the persecution of individuals based on their conflicting beliefs. The use that the label 'evil' and 'unholy' has to Kings and governments that successfully labeled themselves as 'good', so that they could also decide exactly what 'evil' was, and why that their being 'evil' was substantial reason to disregard the most simple kindnesses so that people of different color and/or beliefs could be enslaved, raped and killed freely as well as without repercussion.
<br>
<br>
All through this my thoughts turned to the thought that the environment and the individual are not separate entities, but are rather inherently connected down to the most fundamental level. I realized that all evil exists within me, as well as all good. I realized that 'acting' good was of no use, and becoming a soldier as I had long wanted to was not going to make me a good, or kind, or truly strong in the ways that matter to me.
<br>
<br>
Following this portion of the trip, we eventually wandered away from this hallway and made our way over to the garage where a bong awaited, the visuals were getting rather intense at this point, with visual drifting occurring on the grass as well as trees, and a whole shitload of goats on the property absolutely fascinated me. Forgetting the goats for a moment, we smoked some weed. And then I really started rolling. I began thinking about characters as concepts and how we portray them in our daily lives, as well as how entirely inaccurate they are, and how funny it was to me that after all the time that I had spent trying to 'act natural', I had successfully managed to kill most every chance of my achieving such a state due to my very attempt at doing it, ‘being natural’ itself a process of not trying. So effectively, I decided to let things come as they come and I detached myself entirely from reality, I assigned myself a character and another to my friend. Then I started visualizing character traits and an overall plot-line in relation to what was going on. I ended up as a girl based on my grandmother, whereas my friend was a problematic boyfriend whom she was tired of because he wouldn't just 'come with me'.
<br>
<br>
At this point I reached a state of mind that I had always wanted to experience, that is to say, the thought patterns of an individual that does not base their feelings of affection on the physical body, but rather on the ‘feeling’ one got from another person's ‘soul’ and being.
<br>
<br>
For the first time in years I cried and cried, whilst resolutely screaming at my friend who was, mildly put, rather fucking confused at the time, I believe it was overall related to his suicidal tendencies in relation to drug abuse, his most recent drug of choice being cocaine. I on the other hand felt rather comfortable with just ‘letting it happen’, crying a river as I told him that it was time for him to stop holding himself back, and that he could either come with me, or I was leaving him. Long story short, after some confused yelling on his part, I left him behind and proceeded to cry and cry and cry, it felt fantastic. I feel as if my ability to portray a different character allowed me to express emotions I had repressed for years in relation to my depression, some familial abuse and a sense of powerlessness related to my being molested at the age of ten by an older boy. Hopefully this context makes my following actions more sensible.
<br>
<br>
Skipping along down the road, shouting and wailing as I went along in a state of rapidly changing emotional extremes, I continually yelled at everything and anything to 'get the fuck up', to 'stop sitting around', to 'stop waiting'. I questioned whether or not the fear of pain, of death, of violence and hate was reason enough to stay still in my bedroom all the time, if it was reason for the rest of the world to remain stagnant, even if the path forward ended in death. The answer I arrived at was essentially 'No.', progress must be made, knowledge must be gained, lessons must be learned and new experience, must be experienced in order for humans to be human in the ways that are meaningful to me, thus, I equipped myself with a rather fearless disposition and came under the belief that I was dreaming. I believe what occurred here was essentially a result of repression that I rather forcibly released, repressed things including thoughts of suicide that I generally discarded as stupid, hatred of myself and my own ability to function as I see 'normal' people doing, my inability to complete school, my stupidity in allowing myself to be molested by an older boy due to my lack of understanding as well as a general disgust for stagnancy in myself, other individuals and society at large. In essence I discarded my general preconceptions and replaced them with ones that I essentially created in a fashion not dissimilar from how an author writing a character would when confronted by a situation his character can not process.
<br>
<br>
Next thing I knew, I saw my house off to my left. It was indeed, not my house, but it certainly looked like an old property of mine and I wandered on over, pausing a moment by a car on the street so that I could use my hands and feet to destroy its exterior, jumping on its roof and breaking glass. Judging by my lack of injury here I was rather surprised to see how well my former martial arts training came to the surface in my inebriated state. Suffice to say, I took out a lot of anger on the vehicle, resulting in over two-thousand dollars of damages.
<br>
<br>
Finishing up with the car I wandered over to the house which to me, very simply just looked like one of my old houses, and being very much in dreamland at the time, I did not pause to consider that it might not be. Apparently I chased individuals inside the house, screaming that I was going to harm them, etc, but I do not recall that particular part personally. I ended up at the door, apparently forgetting about the people that I had been chasing. Getting back to trying to access 'my home' I realized that I had no keys because I was entirely naked, having discarded my clothing at some point as I walked along the road. Being in a rather careless mood, I put my fist through the window at the front door and opened it up myself, apparently once more avoiding injury miraculously. I stock it up to my inability to care about my physical body at the time, which allowed me to use the full force of my body without hesitation in a situation that could cause an individual to subconsciously pull a punch, normally.
<br>
<br>
Now inside, I found myself having a rather confused conversation with one of the residents in which I insisted that their home was mine, due to the fact that, as far as I could tell at the time, it did just seem to be my old home, meaning my brain was obviously struggling to associate meaning to what I was seeing I think. As more people came out to greet me with anger, rage, fear, I began to question my situation. One man came up and pushed me, it didn't do much, and then I pushed back, they stopped trying to come at me after that. The next point was a rather interesting test of my character, I find, as whilst coming to the understanding that the situation was not as it seemed, I gradually surrendered before these people I still envisaged to be 'in my house', I asked them if they were going to kill me, fuck me, rob me, etc. They said no, so I asked why they were tying me up (obviously to restrain me for the arrival of the police they had called), they just said I was crazy, and obviously that is a fair statement.
<br>
<br>
Between my subjugation and the subsequent arrival of the police, I asked them to fuck me, kill me and beat me up repetitively, the rope having gotten me thinking that it was some kind of weird ass BDSM dungeon dream. When they refused I eventually asked 'then what the fuck are we doing here.' And went limp, so that the dream would hurry up and end. Killing myself is a rather common way that I escape dreams, generally through jumping off buildings but I was willing to roll with this, not being a particularly chaste individual despite my virginity apparently.
<br>
<br>
Following this, the police arrived, found my underwear, got me dressed and carried me off to the hospital in the stretcher. At this point, I more or less remember blacking out, and coming to in a hospital bed with my mother sitting beside my bed.
<br>
<br>
Overall, it was simultaneously both the most worthwhile and one of the most horrible experience of my entire life, and to me this trip represents both the beauty and danger involved with the use, and abuse of LSD. Following this trip, I could say that overall my life has changed for the better largely due to the lessons taught to me throughout it, based on my belief that I used my experience with LSD as a vehicle for repressed feelings. The obvious bad here, is what actually occurred due to an uncontrolled environment, and being an individual who previously thought he was nothing but a pussy for even contemplating that he might have any form of 'trauma' in comparison to that experienced by others in the world. Through empathizing with another individual, who had gone through worse experiences than myself in relation to rape and abuse, I found the ability to look at myself in the same way, to care for myself, and subsequently try to break out of my cycles by doing something really quite insanely irregular.
<br>
<br>
I have continued to use LSD in private as a means of self-exploration, and as a tool for learning to view the world as a child does, again. This is relevant because I believe most people would not do the same subsequent to having gone through these things, which I would personally consider to be fairly intense experiences and would be called a 'bad trip' regardless of my potentially deranged enjoyment of the fiasco. Essentially the moral of the story is, trip with people you know well if you care about your safety, and remember to breathe.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109923</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 17</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Apr 18, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,247</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109923&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109923&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Depression (15), Train Wrecks &amp; Trip Disasters (7), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">sublingual</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
LSD is one hell of a drug.
<br>
<br>
Most people will highly advise against tripping by yourself as a first-timer, as they did for me... But you know, when you've exhausted every possible avenue and your friends are hung up on bad-trip horror stories, you gotta do what you gotta do.
<br>
<br>
<!--Now, I'm not advising on solo tripping (with no experience) either. Not unless you're buckled up and prepared for the ride. Make sure you're in a comfortable place - more importantly, a safe one - and know what you're getting yourself into. -->My biggest fault here was thinking that LSD was going to be like shrooms, or MDMA with visuals, or any other drug that I'd previously dabbled with/in. It's not. At all. But we'll get into that later. For now, let's start at the beginning - on a summer's night in June, when I was pretty sure I that I was ready...
<br>
<br>
I put my first ever LSD tab under my tongue whilst on Facetime to my girlfriend, at about 11:30pm on a Friday night. I was alone in my house. I'd done my research and heard that you should keep it there for about 15 minutes so the LSD can be absorbed quicker or more efficiently by the vessels. Realistically though, as long as it's somewhere in your mouth or stomach, where you put the tab probably doesn't matter too much. I'm just a stickler for convention.
<br>
<br>
I digress, it hit me pretty damn fast indeed. About 25 minutes after chewing and swallowing, I was coming up for the first time.
<br>
<br>
It was extremely sudden and very overpowering - similar to being hit by a freight train but in a more painless and pleasant way.
<br>
<br>
I began to see lights and colours on the outside of my eyes. They popped bright and covered my entire vision like a firework display; it was almost impossible to see in front of my face. I felt ecstatic. Exhilarated. My heart was beating so fast. Speckles covered my vision. I felt dizzy and a little sick as I felt the LSD fill my entire being. Seeing the faces of people on my girlfriend’s TV – through Facetime - made me scared.
<br>
<br>
About 15 minutes later, I began to feel the true intensity starting to hit me. I turned off my bedroom light because I honestly didn't know if I would be able to physically move enough to do this later.
<br>
<br>
Lying in bed, on my side, unable to move.
<br>
<br>
The only thing I could see was my iPhone resting on my laptop - so unbearably bright. My girlfriend was watching a show. Every time she laughed it broke me out of my hallucinations and brought me back to reality - blanketing me in an oddly comforting feeling for just a few moments. Her laugh was so important to me that night. I was terrified of how much control I was losing. This was the point at which I realised how intrinsically different this drug was to anything else I'd ever taken. Nothing had ever totally overwhelmed me like this before.
<br>
<br>
My vision was blurred and I couldn't keep my eyes open, so they flutter closed and I feel them roll back into my head. I have my headphones in. Tunes play and I can see every colour of every beat, x`6. It was euphoric. I had a full visual experience through every song, and every song felt like hours. Every time one ended, my body shot up like a bolt. I looked around my room – reassuring myself that everything was okay as it felt like I’d been ‘gone’ for an eternity. As soon as the next song began, I fell back into my trance.
<br>
<br>
All my senses were maximised. I could see things and colours not possible with the human eye. I could see the oily residue on my laptop keypad, the tiny particles of dust so clearly... Every molecule of matter. The light from the screen made everything so clear, I'd never seen anything like it. My hearing was magnified 100 times; I could hear the wind and the trees and the gate outside (the window was closed). I could hear people’s conversations from far away.
<br>
<br>
I felt intense hunger and fear. My hunger pained in the bottom of my stomach and felt terrible but I knew I could do nothing. Trying to eat some of the orange that I cut up before tripping was horrible - the taste was too strong and I was unable to concentrate on chewing. My jaw was tight. My fear was mostly of the Unknown; unable to control what I was seeing or feeling anymore. I feared someone walking in. I started to regret doing this powerful of a drug. How long would this last for? I went to the bathroom a couple times which was frightening and difficult as I couldn't see where I was going due to the visuals. I didn't look in the mirror. I’m glad I didn’t.
<br>
<br>
When I returned to my room, I closed my laptop and put it on the floor beside my bed. Full dark, no music.
<br>
<br>
My mind began to take me to much stranger places. My eyes fluttered more intensely and I started to hear whooshing and whirring of life itself as I passed onto the other side. Rhythms and voices of things unknown to me pulsed deeply over and over in my head loudly. With my eyes closed, the visions and colours became the most brilliant and vivid that they'd ever been. Everything was spinning and whirring chaotically. The patterns became pristine and clear. My eyelids were closed but felt wide awake in my skull - I was seeing into my own brain and beyond. I felt like I was in a coma. I couldn't control my own breathing. I didn't even know if I was breathing at all anymore. I was unable to open my eyes.
<br>
<br>
Suddenly, I was thrown into the manifold. The fifth dimension, as I believe. I felt my soul and mind leave my body. The weight of my physical form had disappeared. I was floating above it all. Floating, and seeing the world continue beneath me. Without me. It felt surreal at first as I tried to comprehend it all, but trying to make sense of it seemed to just whirl me out even more into the trip. My entire soul spun out of control faster and faster every time I tried to apply logic to the situation. The voices had become less vague and now started to make sense - I need to stop “needing an answer for everything”. There's not always a logical answer for your feelings or experiences. Sometimes, things just are. Being thrown back into the nauseating tripping abyss was a punishment for hanging onto my ego. I learned quickly to stop hanging on. Every time I let the waves of the trip wash over me without question, the visions would get softer, and more blurred. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Every time I let the waves of the trip wash over me without question, the visions would get softer, and more blurred.</div></div> A warmth built up in my core at this point - an intense euphoria and orgasmic sensation spread throughout my body. I was having an orgy with the universe itself.
<br>
<br>
The visions took me deeper now. I began to see my life passing before my very own eyes like a horizontal movie-reel, at a supersonic speed. It was a sort of turbo production line. I suddenly felt terrified. I'd lost my own life. My own identity. There were too many lives passing by and they were going so fast. I couldn't press pause.
<br>
<br>
There was a high-pitched sound which I can only describe as a ‘sparkle-pop’. It was a divine sound, something that came from a higher-plane of existence. It was a symbolic sound. An indescribable, cosmic creature emerged and made the a-okay sign with their ‘fingers’. They smiled knowingly.
<br>
<br>
In that moment, I realised everything. I'd lost my life completely. I was no longer myself. I couldn't remember my own name anymore, or feel my body. I was floating like a weightless, powerless entity above the production lines of Time. Yes, it was Time itself. Time was the almighty God. Time was passing as I witnessed it. I was missing my own life.
<br>
<br>
As I realised this, and realised I had discovered the omnipotent force behind the universe, a raging scream and explosive vision (like seeing a bomb explode) started to play over and over. Brilliant lights erupted from the bomb-like image every time it blew up again. As time whirred by, I desperately tried to figure out who I was - to find myself again in the abyss. It was terrifying as I fought and scrambled to remember before I lost myself forever.
<br>
<br>
While this happened, I was curled up against the wall by my bed, twitching. I managed to open my eyes and texted my girlfriend, despite hardly being able to read at all. At this point, I was freaking out and looking for reassurance that I'd be okay - I didn't feel like I was going to survive or ever know myself again. It was hard to remember who she was. I just knew she was important to me. I felt as if she knew everything. Constantly slipping in and out of consciousness, I clearly heard my mom’s voice. It sounded 1 million miles away. I didn't think I was on earth anymore. My chest felt heavy as I realised that I must be in a coma, and time (in the real world) was passing without me.
<br>
<br>
I wished that I never did this - I'd thrown all my hard work away for a drug, and was now dead and lost. I kept trying to wake myself up and remember what drug I had even taken – but I just couldn't. I texted my girlfriend, 'what time is it?” – meaning, what date. I couldn’t even remember what year it was. I thought days or maybe even months had gone by. Dread spread through my body. The whole world and everyone's lives were carrying on before my eyes.
<br>
<br>
After what felt like hours, I didn't have the energy to fight it anymore and my visions became blurry and soft. The euphoria in my core returned at this looseness and I was suddenly able to open my eyes lastingly and breathe - gasping for air. The repetitive noises in my head continued for a long time. I spent hours lying down and seeing the patterns and visions, less intensely. Everything moved slowly. My movements felt robotic. I used paper and pens to write myself messages and lessons that is learnt. I've never felt more in tune with my body and mind. I’d now seen it all.
<br>
<br>
I saw spiders and bugs climbing out of the corners of the walls when I stared long enough. Staring at the light above my bed caused more euphoria in my chest as the light became brighter and more beautiful than I'd ever seen - Divine Light, I believe. Light beams moved into me and became beautiful when I looked at the texture of the walls. I stayed like this until 7am when I was finally able to sleep after watching the sun come up and the whole world wake up.
<br>
<br>
I was shown things that night that the universe planned for me to see. I was shown secrets about the universe, and Time, that most people will never live to know or experience. It was more than an ego-death. My life is forever changed. Humans are so small.
<br>
<br>
I've never been so happy to be alive.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 109507</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 3, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,892</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=109507&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=109507&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), First Times (2), Alone (16)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">103 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
I want to preface this by saying: I was so scared to try acid for years. I had friends who started tripping at the age of 15- mind you, I graduated from art school so it wasn’t uncommon. Half of me at the time wanted to try it and see how it went, the other half of my was seriously terrified at the possible outcome.
<br>
<br>
So I’d like to share my first experience and the tips that I learned in retrospect from tripping many times afterwards.
<br>
<br>
I finally made it to my twenties and a friend of mine said he got some really good stuff in and gave me a couple tabs. I kept them in a drawer for about a month, contemplating whether or not I should resell them or just try it out. I asked him a bunch of questions (even though I had been researching trips for almost five years) and he stopped and told me: 'everything you think it is, it’s not. Don’t get ideas in your head... make it your own.'
<br>
<br>
The day of a really bad break up, I was sitting outside with my roommate and I was very bummed out. We were out of pot at the time- and I mentioned that I had the LSD tabs in my room which she had forgot about. She had never tripped before either. So we kinda laughed and said why the fuck not, it’s not like my day was going to get any better anyways and the mindset I had was if I was gonna trip and it was bad, when I tripped again it would be good. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">the mindset I had was if I was gonna trip and it was bad, when I tripped again it would be good.</div></div>
<br>
<br>
It was amazing. In all the subsequent times that I’ve tripped, none of them have been bad at all. I think it is physically impossible to have a bad trip.
<br>
<br>
Here is what I have learned-
<br>
<br>
Planning: I didn’t plan for my first trip, or half of the others that came later. I knew just dropping LSD would be okay spur of the moment because I had no anxiety over when I was going to trip and what I had to do to “prepare”. All I knew is that I had a solid day with no plans and that’s where it began.
<br>
<br>
People &amp; Setting: Avoid doing it with someone who is also tripping for the first time, and trip around people who have tripped before!
<br>
<br>
I love my roommate to death but her trip was nothing like mine. I felt like a kid again, everything was so amazing. It was like the world was my playground... on the other hand she just wanted to be alone, and I didn’t want to leave her alone because I was worried that she wasn’t okay; this didn’t interfere with my trip though. What I realized in retrospect is that she was literally not in the same “bubble” as me, and I felt like she was judging me for it. I felt very judged by people who had never done acid the next few times I tried it; I’m pretty much over that now and it’s great. I tend to not trip with her, because she takes it way different and since then I have found people who go into tripping with similar mindsets as me and we vibe well.
<br>
<br>
I hated being inside while tripping, and still do. I find it very claustrophobic and unnerving to be in a tight space, especially with intense visuals. It seemed like the light was bouncing everywhere and kind of closing in. Again, it wasn’t scary or weird, it was kind of annoying. I don’t think I could ever go to the movies.
<br>
<br>
Music: Definitely doesn’t overwhelm me (in a good way) as much mushrooms do. <!--If you’ve taken shrooms, you know the effect.--> Some music sounds very weird and some things that my friends put on I didn’t care for, but I listened to it in a whole new way.
<br>
<br>
It really is like a rebirth. I tend to not want to smoke or drink or do any type of drugs for a while after tripping, especially my first time. I partially believe it is the reason that I was able to quit smoking. <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I partially believe it is the reason that I was able to quit smoking.</div></div> A thought came into my mind about how useless smoking was and then I was like “true”. It’s easier for me to problem solve on acid, it seems like the problems I have are removed from me and I can look at them objectively... however, I try not to use my trips for introspection<!-- like most people-->. I think the magic behind it is brought out socially. It made me think everything is fake, or brought to light how stupid a lot of things are.
<br>
<br>
My body, also, had never felt so good before.
<br>
Some tabs make me feel very primal.
<br>
<br>
When I was on the comedown, my friend and I went down to the river and I took all my clothes off and he painted my body with mud. All the intense feelings of skin to skin contact were amazing.
<br>
<br>
For me, it’s all in the mindset. I know when I take LSD that I’m on LSD and it’s very easy to control where my brain goes. 150ug for a first trip is very strong, in my opinion, people’s faces were melting and the trails were insanely beautiful. Everything was just “so cool”, as I said many many times throughout the trip.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2016</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110167</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: May 26, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,169</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110167&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110167&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Nature / Outdoors (23), First Times (2), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">15 ug</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(liquid)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Clarity in the Forest - Microdosing LSD
<br>
<br>
Setting: regional burning man event in a forested but dry area
<br>
<br>
I was having kind of an emotionally difficult time (sober) at the regional burn in my area. I was introduced to someone I sort of knew, but instinctively trusted, and they asked me if I wanted a microdose of LSD, explaining that it was 15 ug, or 1/12 strength of a regular dose diluted in some grain alcohol. It was in a glass vial, and a small drop was placed on my hand and I licked it off.
<br>
<br>
I have been interested in microdosing for a while, along with much of the psychedelic community over the past few years, but have not been too interested in LSD because I have never really had a good relationship with this molecule (I usually prefer mushrooms if I want to trip). However given the opportunity I was excited to try it. I was told that in about 90 minutes to 2 hours I will feel increased heart rate, a change in mood, and maybe some stimulation but that I should not feel like I am tripping.
<br>
<br>
After about 15 min I felt increased social confidence, more interest in chatting with some people I didn't know that well, and an increased feeling of well-being. At about the one-hour mark I decided to make my way back to my camp and chill for a bit by myself. I started to feel happy and thankful to be where I was in the moment, noticing details of my surroundings, the beauty of nature and appreciating the creativity and energy of the other humans around me. I felt more confidence to say hello to strangers and interact with people. Back at camp, I felt my energy increase significantly, my heart rate increased and I was noticing patterns in the trees, the sounds of cicadas and birds, and the laughter and singing of people camped around me. It was beautiful! I felt thankful and appreciative. I did a short yoga practice, really feeling and noticing the small details of how my body felt at the time, which muscles needed to be stretched or flexed, and which positions would be beneficial.
<br>
<br>
I had a strong urge to make some art and my concentration was on point- I focused in on small details and created a detailed ink drawing partially from my imagination and also based on the patterns I was seeing in the trees and landscape around me. I felt very content with where I was, and also comfortable with the idea of going and doing something else if the opportunity arose.
<br>
<br>
At the 3 hour mark my partner came back to camp and I enjoyed our talk and the process of getting ready to go out for the evening's burn event. I felt no desire to drink alcohol, smoke cannabis, drink caffeine, or change my mental state in any way. I had energy to talk with people who came up to say hello (note- I'm usually pretty shy), and was also comfortable enforcing my boundaries when drunk or annoying people wanted to talk for longer than I was comfortable. I generally enjoyed the evening although nothing really spectacular happened, and nothing horrible either. It was a nice night in a surreal setting. The main difference was that I felt very little shyness and I was more comfortable chatting with strangers and gracefully exiting situations that I did not want to be in.
<br>
<br>
At the 8 hour mark I started yawning (noticed that I had not yawned at all since taking the microdose) and by 10 hours I was in bed and drifting off to sleep. I slept well that night even without smoking any cannabis and in the presence of a lot of loud partygoers. I had some minor stomach upset that day and the day after, but nothing too serious. Overall it was a nicely enjoyable, yet subtle experience and I would definitely repeat it!<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2017</td><td width="90">ExpID: 110564</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 37</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jun 20, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,732</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=110564&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=110564&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
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</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2) : General (1), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:15</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">30 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/2cd/">2C-D</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 7:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">4 mg</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/smarts/melatonin/">Melatonin</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
Substances:
<br>
LSD – 2 blotters
<br>
2C-D – 30mg
<br>
A few cartridges of nitrous
<br>
Melatonin – 4mg
<br>
<br>
Setting: At my fiancé and my apartment, I always feel very safe here when I trip. We have many ‘tripping’ toys at hand to play with.
<br>
<br>
Experienced with: cannabis, MDMA, LSD, mushrooms, DOB (unfortunately), salvia, nitrous, 2C-I, 2c-E, 4-AcO-DMT and DMT.
<br>
<br>
There are not many trip reports about 2C-D on Bluelight or Erowid.org so I figured I would help add to it. I did extensive research about 2C-D before taking it, but I didn’t have much information about combining it with LSD, or really any psychedelic. I was getting tired of the severe nausea which 2C-E and 2C-I causes me but I was surprised about how easy this stuff was on the body.
<br>
<br>
4:00pm: I take the 2 hits of LSD blotter
<br>
<br>
5:00: make some pasta before the LSD hits me
<br>
<br>
5:30: Feeling the usual LSD silliness and experiencing some minor visuals. This is weak blotter unfortunately.
<br>
<br>
6:00: I do not seem to be coming up anymore, which I am fine with because I continue to feel very silly and talkative. Usually by this point in a LSD trip I turn inward to myself, but the light ++ allows me to stay social.
<br>
<br>
6:30: Take some nitrous, it causes visual enhancement and gives a nice pleasant ringing body buzz. Nitrous seems to go so well with everything!
<br>
<br>
7:15: I wasn’t planning on taking the 2C-D until later on but my fiancé and I both agree that we want to take it because we are excited to experience its effect.
<br>
<br>
8:30: I start to wonder if the 2C-D is going to work or not. Did I not take enough? I search for some alerts that it is beginning to work but since I haven’t taken it before I do not know what I am searching for.
<br>
<br>
8:40: Take some more nitrous, I can definitely feel that something pleasant is arising in me.
<br>
<br>
8:50: I begin to feel a lot more talkative and witty. I feel as though I can recall any memory with extreme detail as my fiancé and I discuss the town and houses which we lived in when we were younger. Our conversation flows easily and I feel like a comedian, always knowing the right words to use to enhance my sentences. I notice that the LSD feeling is strongly coming back <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">I notice that the LSD feeling is strongly coming back</div></div>, the visuals pick up again with more power and detail than before. I amazingly feel no nausea, which is strange for when I take a 2c-x as I have a weak stomach.
<br>
<br>
10:00: We both stare at the stucco ceiling and notice the interesting patterning which is occurring, mostly in purples and greens. Still no nausea to speak of, only a resonating pleasant body buzz from the nitrous I took which has not seem to have gone away. I am now at a +++.
<br>
<br>
11:30: The pleasant conversation continues and I feel as witty and smart as ever. My fiancé and I both agree on how similar this feels to when we took piracetam (a nootropic) with LSD, except a lot more organized and less immobilizing.
<br>
<br>
12:30: I still feel very stimulated, although I am relaxed and have no muscle tension; it is more of a mental stimulation. I wish that my mind would slow down but it seems to be as quick as ever, with no sight of slowing down. Visuals still prominent but becoming less pronounced.
<br>
<br>
1:00: Although my fiancé and I are still quite stimulated we decide to try to try to sleep, maybe the darkness, melatonin and lack of stimulus will help us to sleep. I notice rippling visuals when I stare at the alarm clock
<br>
<br>
3:30: I finally fall asleep after tossing and turning with a racing mind.
<br>
<br>
Next day: I woke up with a headache and extreme hunger – probably from not eating for a long time. Some ibuprofen gets rid of the headache and I do not notice any difficulty while doing homework later on in the day.
<br>
<br>
Overall I highly recommend this combination, these seem to synergize very nicely with each other. I feel as though the LSD enhanced the 2C-D effects as well as vice-versa. It was a very smooth trip overall with a smooth come-up with both chemicals. I have not had a trip this good in a long time so it was well needed - thank you 2C-D. I really enjoyed the mental clarity which the 2C-D presented as well as the pleasant visuals which would be noticeable if I searched for them, but not extremely ‘in your face’. Thanks for reading!<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 87791</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 5, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,415</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=87791&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=87791&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">2C-D (103), LSD (2) : Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:05</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(cookie / food)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:55</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:55</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(extract)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 bowl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 2:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 tablet</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(pill / tablet)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 bowls</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:45</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">3 bowls</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:50</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(plant material)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">150 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
<span class="erowid-caution">[Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. <a href="/chemicals/show_image.php?i=dmt/dmt_contraindications1.gif">Don't do it!</a>]</span>
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This was my first time ever experiencing a “candyflip” as many people call it, but I’ve taken LSD over 50 times and rolled (either on MDMA by itself or in the form of ecstasy 20-25 times). I also have experience with mushrooms (over 100 different trips), some of the 2c-x chemicals (2c-b, 2c-i, 2c-e and 2c-t), LSA, mescaline, MXE, DXM, DMT, Nitrous, cocaine, amphetamines, benzos, many prescription pain killers, and of course good old marijuana which I’ve smoked daily for the last 5 years.
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It was a sunny day but it had recently snowed so there was still a good six inches on the ground the day that I experienced this combo. I had taken a test earlier in the morning for my entomology class and I did pretty good on it so I figured it would be a good day to take a trip, so I got to looking through the different substances I had on hand at the time, which was 6 hits of LSD that I had yet to try, 24” of san pedro cactus, a quarter of mush, and about half a gram of DMT. So I decided I would make some mescaline tea out of the cacti and hopefully drink it by 7pm so I could hopefully be coming up by 9 or 930pm. So I spent the day making the tea and smoking weed with my roommates until they had to go to work, but they said they were coming back later and we were all going to go to a party, (a costume part as it was Halloween weekend). Now knowing that we were going to be attending a party later I decided I wouldn’t take the mescaline because I’ve only done it two times before and didn’t know what it would be like with a bunch of people around, so I decided I might just get drunk tonight and save the trip for tomorrow. About an hour after making the decision to not trip my roommate texted me and said they were getting a bunch of rolls for tonight, so somewhat disappointed that they didn’t ask me if I wanted any I figured I’d take a hit of acid, as I didn’t really feel like getting drunk that night anyways.
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7:30pm- I took one hit of acid on a fairly empty stomach to test the quality as I had recently acquired it and I had watched my guy put the drops onto the sour patch kids, which were really fat drops. After ingesting the acid I decided to smoke a bow of some pretty dank indica my buddy had recently grown.
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7:50pm- I was feeling pretty stoned off the bowl of weed and was beginning to get the muscle twitch that I usually get on the come up of acid. I was feeling a little nervous because my right leg was literally shaking uncontrollably but I knew it was just the acid taking hold.
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8:00pm- Definitely starting to feel the effects of the acid but they weren’t too bad so I decided I would eat another hit so that I would be feeling pretty good once my roommates got back in about an hour and a half.
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8:15pm- I am tripping, but nothing too bad, walls breathing, grains in the hardwood floor are moving, colors seem brighter and I keep thinking somebody is behind me, but every time I turn around nothing is happening.
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8:25pm- I’m feeling a bit of nausea arise so I decide it was time to pack another bowl, this time I loaded some more of the indica but put some kief and earwax hash on top just for a little extra punch. After the first hit I was super stoned and didn’t know how I was going to finish the rest, so I decided to go to my room and put on some music (Skrillex) which really started to trip me out, my CEVs were getting pretty good and I knew the second hit probably was probably just now starting to come on, so I knew I was in for a ride, but I was ready for it.
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8:50pm- I finally finished the bowl of weed and am still just listening to music and watching the visualizer on itunes which was pretty fun. But dang time seems to be going so slow, every time I look at the clock it’s only been 2 or 3 minutes but it seems more like 20 or 30.
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8:55pm- My roommate J calls and tells me his buddy S is coming over to wait for him to get off work, so knowing that I go into the living room and start watching south park which was so funny to me at the time, waiting for him to show up.
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9:15pm- I hear a knock at the door, not knowing if it was real or if my mind is just playing tricks on me I wait to see if it happens again, and sure enough it does, so I get up and look out the peephole to see who it is, and I saw a panda, forgetting it was Halloween weekend this really tripped me out, but then I remembered S was coming over and he had said he was dressing up as a panda. I let him and he tells me his feeling very nauseous and has already thrown up from one pill, so I ask him if he wants to blaze to see if that helps, at first he doesn’t want to because he is already feeling pretty messed up but quickly changed his mind when he saw I had earwax.
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9:35pm- My roommate and his girlfriend K should be home anytime, and me and S had finished the bowl, I was now really tripping, I couldn’t keep a thought going for very long and I would analyze everything I was about to say and half way through I would realize that it didn’t make any sense at all. At this S says he is starting to trip a little, so we decide to look up the pill to see if we can figure out what it can might be cut with. What we found out from the internet was the pill was about 70-75% MDMA, 15-20% 5-meo-dipt and 5-10% caffeine. So then we look up 5-meo- dipt and find out that it is a psychedelic and that is obviously the cause of him tripping.
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9:45pm- My roommate and his girlfriend K are still not back but S got in contact with J and he said that he was feeling about the same as S was and they would be back in a few minutes. At this point S asked me if I wanted one of his pills because there was no way he was going to be able to take them all based on how he was feeling at the time, so I said sure, he still didn’t know I had already dosed, but I’m sure he had a clue that I was on something because our conversations were getting strange and my body was twitching.
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10:00pm- My roommate and his girlfriend K show up along with K’s roommate E, who I had no idea was coming, but it didn’t matter to me, just more people to party with. They informed they had all taken one pill and K had thrown up and J and E were both feeling a bit of nausea, so I asked if they wanted to burn down before we left and as we all are stoners besides E the answer of course was yes. I offered to make E some ginger root tea to help with her nausea but she said she would be alright.
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10:20pm- We finished the session and I was feeling real strange at this point, like I didn’t know how to put my shoes on, and there was a blue tinge to everything, I knew it was the acid so I just went with it. They all were ready to leave so I went and took a leak and looked at myself in the mirror for the first time and saw my pupils were like dinner plates already.
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10:30pm- We finally get in the car to leave and K says she is good to drive, so I trust her as we are only going a few blocks, at this point E asks if I have taken my pill yet and I said no as I had totally forgotten about it when we smoked, so I threw it in my mouth and chewed it up (terribly bitter)
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10:35pm- We get to the spot where we’re going to park and there is a campus police officer driving around, so I started freaking out a little and everybody asks me if I’m alright and I say yes and tell them that I had already taken a couple hits of acid earlier and was feeling that. They all laughed and said we were fine, that the cop didn’t know anything was up. This is also the last time I looked at the clock for a while so things might not be exact times but I’ll try my best. So we get out of the car and start the walk to the house, at this point it seems real hard for me to walk, like I am moving in slow motion.
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10:40pm We get to the house finally and J, S, K and E all decide they want to smoke a cigarette, and as I don’t smoke I figured I’d just hang with them for now since I didn’t really know what was going on. They finally finished their cigarettes and we all started talking about how we felt and they all kept asking me if I felt the caffeine buzz yet as they all said it was the worst part, and I told them I have no idea all I feel right now is the acid and they all just laughed.
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10:45pm- E asks if I want to dance and as she is an attractive one my answer of course was yes, so we go into the bar/dance room of the house which was packed and find a spot and started dancing but the music would get changed every few seconds it seemed like so it was hard to keep a beat going, so we ended up just talking and being in the way of other people trying to dance until we decided to go find everybody else.
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11:00pm- E and I finally find J, S, and k again and they all want another smoke so we go outside again, at this point the cops showed up and people were just piling out the backdoors, and as it was snowy and icy many people fell which was so funny to me at the time but I have no idea why.
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11:15pm- We all decide to go find J’s twin brother Ja who is really good friends with the owners of the house and finally find him in a room with a bunch of people smoking and taking shots. We decided we would get a little high again and smoked a couple bowls, but the whole time I kept thinking there were cops in the house looking for me specifically, but E helped calm me down by cracking jokes about this girl who was dressed up as a tree or something and the way her boobs looked in her shirt.
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11:20pm- We were all still just chilling in A’s room and this really short girl just popped up next to me out of nowhere, and at this point I thought I was really tripping hard if I was just seeing people pop up next to me, but E and K informed me that she had just come out of the bathroom which was right behind me and we all had a good laugh about what just happened.
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11:30pm- J, S, K and E all want another cigarette so we head back outside and at this point a lot of people are showing back up after the cops had already come and most of them seemed to be pretty drunk. I was just watching people go in and out of the house just amazed at some of them for what they were wearing. After they finished their cigarette they all decided to eat another half a pill and E asked if I wanted her other half, but as I wasn’t sure if I was feeling the first one yet I declined (which was probably a good idea) because things got real weird a little later.
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11:50pm- We had just been chilling talking about random stuff in the living room watching all the people, and this one girl had her face painted all white and had a red wig on which was really tripping me out for some reason, like I kept seeing her as some kind of demon. Thankfully they all had had enough of this party and were ready to go back to the house to listen to music and chill.
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12:00am- We left the house and K drove back, and again I trusted her and she did a great job, but in the car ride home is when things started getting real weird. We were listening to some song that I had never heard of and all I heard was a baby like voice saying some weird stuff, some of which I could remember, and asked if it was real and they said we were listening to a song with no words.
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12:10am- We get back to the house and E is again feeling very nauseous and gets sick a little in the yard, and I begin to worry that she might not be alright because my mind was so gone, but she was better in a few minutes and that was a major relief for me for some reason. I then tried to get the door unlocked but could not figure out to use my key, so J finally lent some assistance and got it open.
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12:15am- I have a major desire to smoke some weed, so I load a bowl and pass it around and S gets a call from some of his friends to see if they can come over and we all decide its fine as they just wanted to blaze and seeing that were doing that right now what’s the harm.
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12:30am- S friends finally showed up and we smoked a few bowls and I could tell that they were uncomfortable because none of them were on anything other than weed and all of us were pretty gone. So after a few bowls they decided to take off and S went with them, so now it was only me J, k, and E. We decided we wanted to listen to some music so we put on the ipod, at this point I know I was feeling the pill because I felt a sense of peace that I knew was the MDMA and my visuals were taking a little different direction from just acid.
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12:45am- E asks me if I want to dance again so obviously I do as I’m not about to turn down that opportunity , and we danced for a while and I was definitely peaking on acid now because my mind was not on this world. We danced for probably close to an hour because J and K had gone downstairs and now they had come back.
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1:50am- I know it was this time because I looked at the clock, J was searching the house for some vicks and finally found some in the back of a drawer, and started rubbing it on himself and K. This was the first time I had heard anything about vicks and rolling so I was a bit skeptical but E didn’t care and started rubbing it on my neck and chin, which was awesome because her hands felt amazing.
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2:00am- I’m lost, the pill must be peaking right now along with the acid because I literally don’t know who, what, or where I am. I am sitting on the couch and everybody else is up and dancing trying to get me to join, but I feel like I can’t even stand let alone dance, so they let me be knowing that I’m tripping pretty good right now.
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2-3am- I looked at the clock at 2:04am and the next time I remember seeing it was at 3:07am so between this hour was the most intense part of the whole experience. I had thoughts about what I had done in my past both good and bad and why I needed to get my priorities right and thoughts that we the human race is headed down hill if we can’t figure things out. Also during this time I was having some pretty good CEVs and one that I remember in detail was me lying on a hospital bed and being wheeled down a dark hallway that had a bright light at one end but every time I would get close to the light I would open my eyes in fear until I eventually built up enough courage to see what laid beyond the light, so I closed my eyes and yet again I was having the same visual and I went with it all the way to the light and when I reached it I felt like I died (ya I know it’s dumb since a lot of people say that when they’re near death they see a bright light) and a sudden wave of energy went through my body and I opened my eyes and for a few seconds I felt completely sober. After that experience I didn’t really know what to think but I knew everything was going to be alright (most likely the MDMA).
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3:00am- I feel like I am finally starting to come down a bit from the acid but I am still rolling pretty good, and everybody asks if I want to go on an adventure to Kings Soopers to get some glow sticks as they all feel like it would be something fun to do. At first I had no desire to even get off the couch let alone go to the grocery store, but they finally convinced me and we once again go for a drive, with K driving again. We got to the store and I am feeling pretty paranoid about going in and decide to stay in the car with K while J and E go in. They were gone for what seemed like forever but was probably more like 2 minutes and I was so glad to see them.
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3:10am- Get back to the house and E wants to rub more vicks on me as she doesn’t think she put enough on the last time, so I let her because I absolutely loved the way her hands felt. Then she wanted to put a show on for me with the glow sticks and as I had no complaints to it she started. The tracers were awesome, there was one green glow stick and one blue glow stick and when she would cross them it was like seeing a rainbow right in front of me. This must have gone on for a good 20-30 minutes until she gave them up to J to let him try.
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3:30am- I want to take a shower and E asks if she can join me so without hesitation I say of course and we both ventured in to the bathroom. When she got undressed I was in a state of pure bliss because I couldn’t believe what was actually happening but I loved every minute of it. The shower was probably the best part of the night without a doubt because we were both still rolling pretty good and my sense of touch was through the roof not only did she feel amazing but the hot water pouring down on us was awesome.
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4:05am- Got out of shower and went back into living room and was definitely coming down along with everyone else, and K decided she needed to go back to her house because she had work at 11 and needed a change of clothes, so I told them to drive safe and it was a fun night and they left, but I was still in a good mood because it was such a great night and almost 4:20.
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4:20am- I had rolled a blunt for myself after everybody had left and sparked it up at 4:20 with the company of my dog. It took a good 20 minutes for me to burn the whole thing and man was I blitzed when I finished it. So I figured I could probably get some sleep and headed off to bed but I was wrong and ended up sitting in my bed watching Fear and Loathing until I finally fell asleep between 6:30 and 7
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All in all this experience was amazing, I couldn’t have wished for a better time. I definitely will try candy flipping again but next time I do it I think I will do just MDMA instead of a pill because the combination of the 5-meo-dipt and acid got a little weird at times, but nothing I couldn’t handle, also I think taking the LSD first helped because by the time I was peaking the effects of the pill were also pretty strong which made for an awesome experience. The day after was not that bad, I wasn’t as fried as I normally am after an acid trip and I normally only get a little headache after rolling and that is easily taken care of with a few bowls of some fine chronic, which is about the only thing I did anyways.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2011</td><td width="90">ExpID: 93461</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 21</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 17, 2017</td><td>Views: 2,231</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=93461&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=93461&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Combinations (3), What Was in That? (26), Sex Discussion (14), Various (28)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">2 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 4:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">inhaled</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/nitrous/">Nitrous Oxide</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(gas)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">110 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
So I was partying in a hotel room after the Furthur show. (Bob Weir and Phil Lesh from the Grateful Dead) I received my balloon about 4 to 5 hours after I took my two hits of acid. It was a large balloon, so I passed my balloon around with my friends. I have done a lot of Nitrous before, but I had never done it while tripping on acid. So I finished my balloon, and I dazed off. The room started really moving, and everyone was moving. I was used to this feeling though, this happens to me when I do nitrous normally, but it was just a bit more intense while tripping. All of a sudden, I realized I could not see anything. I simply forgot who I was, where I was, who was with me, and why I was there.
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After trying to see what was going on, I saw my friend Liz sitting across from me. I looked to the left. My vision was completely pixelated. I saw pixel images of this guy in the room. In a very robotic motion, he moved his head to the left, forward, then down, back forward, then left again... in quick jerking motions. I realized then that what I was seeing was not right. I looked down at my shoes and they dissapeared. At that moment, I was in two different worlds. My mind was elsewhere, and I could not see much but these magnified pixelated images of the room. I could not decipher anything I was really seeing. I thought to myself then, that the joke was on me. It was me, out of all these people, that did too much, and I thought I completely lost my mind forever. I felt I was stuck in this world that only I could see, and I could not get back through this place to seeing reality again. At this moment when I realized what was happening to me, my body was disconnected from my brain.
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This is what my body did: I apparently stood up on the bed. I tried to walk and lost my balance. I fell in between the wall and the bed, hit my head very hard, and caught myself with one leg while one was still on the bed. I jumped back up on to the bed, and that is when my two worlds began to fuse together again.
<br>
<br>
This is where I was: I stood up in my world and was still unable to see anything. This world was very confusing, and seemed almost like a video game. Everything was fake. I still saw the pixelated enlarged images of the room that would rarely move. And if the pictures moved, it was back and forth. So I got nervous, and that is when I stood up in my world, tried to walk through this world, and that is when I fell. When I fell in my world, it felt like a fell through space, and when I hit the 'floor' the pixels bounced me back up to a sitting position. At the moment I hit my head, I could hear people in the room distantly laughing. That is when I realized I must have brought much attention to myself back in this reality I could not see. I suddenly became embarrassed. That is when I jumped back up onto the bed. I heard a faint voice that was mine, starting in my world, and being said in the real world. I asked 'I am fine, I just need to know what is going on.' 'I have no idea what is going on' 'Can someone tell me what the f*ck is going on'. My vision began to come back. I saw my friend Liz, and she was mirror-imaged. I looked forward, and I saw this girl, who told me that I was being very composed for what just happened. I asked her what just happened, and she told me that I fell and I hit my head. I did not believe her.
<br>
<br>
It is hard to explain what I saw during this moment, but I was fully conscious through the whole thing. It was not 'fishing out' because I did not pass out. I was stuck in this new world where I could not decipher any of the images I was seeing. Imagine yourself, looking into a room, and not seeing all of the people, not feeling the bed, not seeing the wall you hit your head on, and merely feeling the pain from your head and hearing the faint voices laughing.
<br>
<br>
People told me I was lucky because I disconnected my brain from my body. I told them it was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me in my life.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2010</td><td width="90">ExpID: 84123</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Female</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 18</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 18, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,485</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=84123&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=84123&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), Nitrous Oxide (40) : Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 g</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Vitamin C</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance">Vitamins / Supplements</td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 hit</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:05</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 cig.</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 1:05</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> repeated</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/tobacco/">Tobacco - Cigarettes</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 0:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center"> </td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/alcohol/">Alcohol - Beer/Wine</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 capsl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 3:30</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">0.5 joints/cigs</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">smoked</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/plants/cannabis/">Cannabis</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right"> T+ 8:00</td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">1 capsl</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/mdma/">MDMA</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b> </b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">122 kg</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
<!--I like telling stories and this is what this is. I do not condone illicit substance abuse. In any ways, why would I write about any experiences about illicit substances? The normal fiction rules apply here. Any events, people or places are purely fiction and do not reflect reality at all. Writing an experience-type story is always easier if written in the first person.
<br/>
I once bought a lamp at a garage sale. When I got home I buffed it up and a genie appeared. He refused to grant me any wish, until I had heard him out about an experience he had and had gone for a swim. He asked me to post this on Erowid. You see, in another dimention, he is living an alternate life and need this to be shared. So without further adue, he is his incredible tale:-->
<br>
We had received a gift of some very mellow MDMA about 6 months ago. It was veeeery mellow and left us quite disappointed. I did some research and finally convinced my wife to take a break from her chemical sabbatical and go candy flipping with me.
<br>
<br>
I have mellowed with my weed intake over the past 15 years, moving from dedicated pot head, to once a month, stretching half a gram of indoor chronic every few weeks or so. I haven’t tripped in 7 years, and my wife in 12. We were WELL overdue.
<br>
<br>
As we arrived at the cottage, we could appreciate the remoteness of our temporary abode. The wild browns and yellows of the semi-arid landscape, was interspersed with the greens and occasional purples, greens and reds of the vinyards, ready for harvest. We might see the odd farm worker, but no one that we would have to engage in conversation.
<br>
<br>
We quickly packed everything away and put the goodies on the table. Today was the day. We were going to have our first Candyflip. I had done some research and learnt that the transition from the introspective LSD, to the expressive and sensual MDMA, was what gave this experience its name. The Candy bit? Who knows. Maybe because its sweet.
<br>
<br>
<!--The genie couldn’t even tell me. His wifi connection had died a month ago, when his lamp was moved for the sale, hence his desperation for me to post this on his behalf.
<br/>
This popular combination forms a sort of symbiosis, with the two substances complementing each other’s good points, while lessening each other’s negative points. You have the euphoria of psycadelics, but don’t have to worry about extreme introspection, analyzing the shit out of everything. LSD also seems to counter that time warp feeling, while on MDMA. Hey, feel high for longer. I LIKE it, he said.
<br/>
-->Five transparent capsules about 10% filled with a white-brownish crystalline substance lay in a little bag, next to the pale blotter squares. I’d done some research on timing and preloading, so we took a 1000mg Vitamin C dose with breakfast that morning, together with Vitamin B complex, as well as some antacid just before dropping. The plan was to take the MDMA 3 hours after the LSD <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">The plan was to take the MDMA 3 hours after the LSD</div></div>, as this should be around the time it’ll peak. Then we would take the other 2 MDMA capsules 2 hours after that. We’d also brought a bag of bananas and I was determined that we would be eating them often, even if we didn’t want to. This, we found out later, would work VERY much in our favour.
<br>
<br>
11:00
<br>
Our mouths twisted a bit, from the tangy, chemical flavor, as we put the small squares of blotter paper on our tongues.
<br>
We locked the cottage and took stock.
<br>
Water? Check!
<br>
Comfortable walking shoes? Check!
<br>
Sunscreen? Whoops. We’ll have to make sure we don’t stay out for too long in the African sun.
<br>
Hats? Check!
<br>
Identify 3 landmarks? Check!
<br>
Psyconauts away!
<br>
<br>
11:05
<br>
The blotters have turned to pulp and we swallow them. The grey of the dry shrubbery is looking more defined and multi-hued. The shrubbery texture is also looking more defined. So far so good. Maybe the blotters weren’t left in the sun. I’ve always been paranoid about getting ripped off. It’s not really as if there’s a refund policy. In anyways, we’re 200km away from our vendor.
<br>
<br>
We starting walking up the dirt road, towards the vinyards. The scenery around us is becoming more vivid by the minute. I wanted to turn around to shag in the cottage, or right there. She convinced me to keep on walking. I’d have liked to take opportunity to get down right and dirty, before peaking, since I know from experience that sex is the last thing on my mind, when out of my mind. But I’m reminded that we have the MDMA for that. I also know that she’ll feel cheated if we don’t complete our hiking mission. After all, its not THAT far and we have the entire day ahead of us. We walk on. I smoke a thin spliff of some very fine hydroponic weed.
<br>
<br>
11:20
<br>
Time has slowed down. It feels like we’ve been walking forever. It feels like I’m walking on a treadmill, with the ground rolling beneath me. We both feel how we’re each at the center of our own universe and how everything moves around us. We stop, the rolling earth feeling stops and we marvel at the interesting sensation.
<br>
<br>
11:25
<br>
The slow motion walking continues. We’re sure we’ve only walked 100m, but it feels like we’re wading through treacle, but without its sticky resistance. The scenery around us has taken on a plastic, cartoonish quality. It feels like I’m living an immersive 3D platform experience.
<br>
<br>
11:45
<br>
We have now trudged 1km. The Acid is coming on HARD and fast. All thoughts of sex forgotten, as the rush hits us occasionally. We’re thinking, if it’s like this in 45 minutes, how will the peak be? This stuff is AWESOME! We brace ourselves for quite a ride :-D
<br>
<br>
12:00
<br>
We are suddenly at the 2.5km mark. There was a lot of uphill and downhill, more up than down. We must have walked 4 times as fast than the first kilometer. We see the cottage and head for it. It’s time for the flip and to get down right and freaky.
<br>
<br>
12:05
<br>
The cottage’s interior was painted in a desert sandy color. The blinds were drawn, because we were gonna get naked, after all. This dreary color did NOT lend itself to sexy thoughts. We went sit outside, still clothed of course, where it was bright and shiny. We opened up a bottle of mellow red wine and sat and smoked cigarettes and just talked about what we were experiencing. I explained my feeling of being in a TV show, much to the amusement of my wife. We discussed the cartoonishness of the mountains and how the colors were so vivid and just a bit oversaturated, how everything looked more 3d, but as if in a very good Dali painting. We became convinced Dali must have been taking a LOT psycadelics. We discussed reincarnation and numerology and how our daughter has 0’s for all her karmic lessons. She’s a new soul and has no karma, as the numerologist told us so many years ago. We felt honored and humbled by this responsibility and missed her.
<br>
<br>
13:30
<br>
After laughing our arses off at nothing in particular, peaking, we decided to go inside again, I broke bits off a banana and shared it between my wife and I. As I was prattling on about something, out of the blue, my wife exclaimed, rather loudly, I must add: ‘FUCK! That’s blue!', making me jump a bit. I see the blue, even before looking around. She profusely apologized about her interruption, which gave me a fit of the giggles again. She looked so shocked.
<br>
<br>
There was a pot of lilac colored lobelias on the table. They were no longer lilac. They glowed electric blue, like a neon light. The walls were plastered with blotches electric blue. I inspected the glowing lobelias closer, suppressing repeated giggles while doing so.
<br>
<br>
I notice the green of the leaves behind the blue aura, but moving out a bit, I see it being overpowered by the blue, turning the leaves in a silverfish grey. It was almost as if I could tune my eyes to filter the colours. I could see, in vivid detail, the different hues of blue in the flowers. I notice the original lilac, but also the darker blue where some them have partially wilted. This must be what people with Tetrachromia see (besides the overpowering blue, of course). <!--They supposedly can notice millions more colors that average people, due to having more cone receptors in their eyes. -->The electric blue hangs in a haze around the plant. It radiates out of it and fills the room.
<br>
<br>
I can’t help but feeling that the energy behind that colorful Tourrettes attack had created a lasting energetic impression on the room, summoning the essence of blue to the room. It would have been interesting to have an experiment with two other people. One tripping and one not, but both not having witnessed the ‘FUCK! That’s blue!’ outburst. I was assured at that moment, that the room will forever be blue in all future occupants’ peripheral vision, like an aura. Sadly, the next day, the lobelias were mostly back to their lilac, but we could still see a faint trace of blue against the walls, two days after.
<br>
<br>
14:30
<br>
We were supposed to drop the Molly by 13:30, but were having so much fun on the Acid, that we decided to enjoy it a bit more on its own, get our money’s worth, as it were. Finally, we decide, it’s now or never, so ‘Down the hatch’ goes a tablet each. Sexy time has arrived. This was our goal after all. We go for a shower. Walking around naked in the room, we realize we don’t feel very horny and the dun colour of the walls was not helping. But Dammit, we were determined to try having sex, while candy flipping <div class="pullquote-right1"><div class="pullquote-text">Dammit, we were determined to try having sex, while candy flipping</div></div>, so we, decide to wait five minutes to let the MDMA start kicking in. I smoke a joint, but put it out half way. It tasted disgusting and I didn’t want to get fuzzy. We start cuddling and kissing. I go eat a wine gum, because my mouth tastes like crap, both to me and to her.
<br>
<br>
14:50
<br>
The Molly has definitely kicked in. She’s rubbing my short hair, saying it feels like a cat’s fur. I look into her beautiful ‘Molly Eyes’. We were going to take photos, with makeup for her and everything, but we decided against it.
<br>
<br>
We talk, we snog, we pet, we caress, we even shag a little bit, but don’t finish. Yes, I’m one of the lucky ones that can get it up on MDMA. My erection faded every now and then, but immediately raised to the challenge at the smallest hint of stimulation. I was thinking that this was possibly due to:
<br>
1. I had taken ibuprofen (400mg) at 10:30, for my back
<br>
2. The Joint I smoked helped a bit
<br>
3. The candyflip combination helped
<br>
<br>
We have another banana. I got all gushy and told her how much I love her, what a wonderful person she is. She bawled her eyes out, but happy tears. She calmed down, but I couldn’t help myself from telling her more. She cried some more, with me lovingly talking her through her emotions. I finally got myself under control to stop talking and lighten the mood. Less talking, more cuddling. We don’t get a Molly rush at all. We’re were not being very active, after all. We didn’t feel much of a peak. It was all pretty mellow, but in a nice, light pleasurable, as opposed to a euphoric kind of way. The Acid gave much more of a rush while it was peaking.
<br>
<br>
Lying there, we cuddled and basked in the afterglow of the comedown. We were supposed to redose at 17:30, but decided against it. We were thoroughly enjoying the come down. We discussed all things sexual, openly. Now we’ve been a very sexually open minded couple, so there were no surprises. She once again said that she’s happy to just go with the flow and rather be submissive and be told what to do. She was not one to take charge and say what she wanted. I decided to take the lead completely then and she promised to comply with my every request, even if she wouldn’t do it before. There were some things that she has been reluctant to do before.
<br>
<br>
19:00
<br>
It was now dark outside. Much more conducive to some more erotic activity. We popped another Molly each. We went back to the bed and immediately get into it. I got to try some stuff with her and thought “This is fucking X-MASS, birthdays and everything wrapped up in one.” We had the most amazing sex. It lasted for hours. We just stopped to relube, whenever remembering about it. At some stage during the doggy style hard thumping, I started rushing a rushing on the Molly. I felt as if I was entering the collective consciousness nook reserved for MDMA sex. It was a bit of a trashy, non romantic space and I could feel how so many people have gotten to this space, but never planned it. I had a moment of paranoia, flashing back to a dream of having taken 100 pills and realizing my doom. I took hold of my thoughts and we took a break.
<br>
<br>
It took the longest time to orgasm, but when I finally did, it was well worth it. It was the longest and most powerful orgasm I’ve ever experienced. I got a swollen testicle or 2. Luckily the swelling went down in 30 minutes. I’m told that I had a vacant grin on my face. I must have come for 30 to 40 seconds. I took a few minute breather and smoked a joint.
<br>
<br>
23:00
<br>
I took the last remaining capsule and we went back to bed. I’m not sure how long it took, although it did not feel long, until my wife was also able to orgasm, with my help of course. We cuddled and talked until at last we decided that we were now tired and needed to go to bed.
<br>
<br>
05:30
<br>
Evening done. We sleep.
<br>
<br>
08:30
<br>
My wife woke up
<br>
<br>
10:30
<br>
I woke up.
<br>
<br>
We were tired from lack of sleep, but apart from that we had no after effects at all. We were fully emotionally functional. We still saw the blue in the kitchen, but the glow around the flowers had faded.
<br>
<br>
We were worried that we might hit the dreaded depressive episode later that week, but even a week later, we were fine. In fact, we were very fine. The constant hornyness only faded after about 3 days, but the elevated mood lasted at least a week. Still being upbeat, it has not subsided much.<!-- End Body -->
<br><br style="clear:both;">
<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 105843</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 37</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Jul 19, 2017</td><td>Views: 7,209</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2" align="center">[ <a href="exp.php?ID=105843&amp;format=pdf" type="text/pdf">View as PDF (for printing)</a> ] [ <a href="exp_pdf.php?ID=105843&amp;format=latex">View as LaTeX (for geeks)</a> ]
[ <a href="#" onclick="expChangeColors(); return false;">Switch Colors</a> ]
</td></tr>
<tr><td colspan="2">LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Sex Discussion (14), Combinations (3), Small Group (2-9) (17)</td></tr>
<!-- <img src="/images/new.gif" alt="May"> -->
</table>
</div>
|
<div class="report-text-surround">
<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="right" border="0">
<tr><td></td><td width="15"> </td></tr>
</table>
<!-- DoseChart -->
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#224422" class="dosechart">
<tr>
<td width="90" align="right">DOSE:<br></td>
<td width="90" class="dosechart-amount" align="center">5 hits</td>
<td class="dosechart-method" align="center">oral</td>
<td class="dosechart-substance"><a href="/chemicals/lsd/">LSD</a></td>
<td class="dosechart-form"><b>(blotter / tab)</b></td>
</tr>
</table>
<br>
<table border="2" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" bordercolor="#444455" class="bodyweight">
<tr>
<td width="110" class="bodyweight-title">BODY WEIGHT:</td>
<td width="80" class="bodyweight-amount">120 lb</td>
</tr>
</table>
<br><br>
<!-- End DoseChart -->
<!-- Start Body -->
T0:00-5 tabs of acid on the tongue, I prepare a bump of DPT for later. I eye the dose out like a dumbass.
<br>
<br>
T0:30-Normal feeling of coming up on acid, feeling elated, feeling like there is energy flowing around me and into me, brighter colors and faint patterns, etc. I begin getting a melting and twisting and warping of surfaces and lines that I never have noticed before this markedly. My screen starts to breathe.
<br>
<br>
T1:00-Exactly one hour has passed. I’m ready to blast off. I go over to where I have the DPT set out and cut it into 3 lines. I rail them, one at a time. It is incredibly uncomfortable. In my nose, I can tell that it tastes like hellishly bitter burnt plastic. It sticks to my palate and dessicates everything. Not only that, there is so much of it.
<br>
<br>
T1:20-I put my computer away, I can feel everything rising. The world around me is beginning to swirl and form interlocking polygons. Tracers and flashing color patterns and twisting fractals begin to dominate everything. The noises around me start to warp and flange and alter in pitch.
<br>
<br>
T1:30-I begin to think and meditate as the boundaries of my body start to blur. I close my eyes to see a world of glowing lines intersecting to form tessellated polygons overlaid on breathing fractals. I can feel my mind drift into this as my body becomes fainter. I begin to think about all sorts of dilemmas in my life. I seem to come to satisfactory conclusions to these issues, but I either lose track of them among the torrent of colorful racing thoughts, or they were purely conceptual and I couldn’t really apply them in the form of words after. As I begin to chain from one abstract thought to the next I feel like I’m building a mountain of thoughts to stand upon, and as it builds my mind ascends to higher and higher places.
<br>
<br>
T1:45-I stand up and wander about my room, I try drawing a little bit, I’m drifting further and further from myself, in body and mind. I am starting to feel like I’m a completely different being. I wander over to a table where I keep several animal skulls. I pick up my favorite, a beautifully intact deer skull, so wonderfully smooth and pearly, so aesthetically perfect. I laid shirtless on my bed, gouging its teeth across my chest. I felt so physically numb, I didn’t notice it leaving deep scratches on my torso. The skull was so incredible, so powerful, I began to think of the animal that once inhabited it, I began to think about its life, its energy, its raw power. In it harming me, I realized that all living things have a burning life force within them, that makes them fight and struggle to exist, to survive. I realized my own life force drew from this same wellspring, that it was common to all Earth life, an unchanging fragment of divergent evolution, perhaps derived from the replicative nature of DNA and RNA. I began to picture myself as a folk hero traveling a spirit forest with my spectral deer sidekick, a skull with pulsing polychrome tendrils, molded into the shape of a deer. Between that was experiencing the skull pulsing with the deer’s life force, it would shake and press it’s antlers into me and dig its teeth into me, it had so much energy, so much fire behind it.
<br>
<br>
T2:15-my thoughts begin to stray to death, to suicide. I’ve been thinking about suicide so nonstop lately, in fact this trip was my last ditch effort to find some reason not to kill myself. Death, the thought of death approaches me. I feel so beyond death, I feel like I have already died, like I have not yet been born. What a curious thing, death and time are, how odd it is that consciousness seems to transcend time. I began thinking about quantum immortality, that in a truly infinite universe or multiverses, every iteration of every atomic (reduced to the very most basic component) moment as a function of time and space exists somewhere. Somewhere, this information is encoded.
<br>
<br>
Something (I don’t know what it was to this day) told me that encoded in the air were the whispers of a thousand consciousnesses, encoded as binary data in the smallest and most efficient molecular storage mechanism in the universe, something beyond the current limits of human observation. Of course this is blind conjecture, I’m just on a lot of drugs. But this idea of quantum immortality really stuck with me, regardless of whether or not it was directly encoded into this universe. Somewhere, everything that was going to happen had already happened, everything existed as it was. Linear time was just an illusion, it’s just us taking all of existence that is already laid out before us and sequencing it. Consciousness was truly beyond linear time. Mine was at least, and so were many others, that I was suddenly aware of. I realized that no one was truly dead, and that I became aware of other consciousnesses inhabiting this realm. These were consciousnesses that were already dead and had not yet been born.
<br>
<br>
In other words, ghosts. This realization was like opening a door between us, we were all suddenly aware of each other and we were both really confused. They swarmed around me, I could sense them, I could sense so many other presences around me, the room dropped to a chill as I kept catching these looming presences. I couldn’t see them, but I perceived them as hands, grasping and clutching at me. I was terrified, terrified they might speak to me and that I may be afflicted with these ghosts forever. I envisioned them as hands, faces, and figures behind a thin translucent cloth, all leaning in towards me. They all had different personalities, some were kind, calm, and friendly. Most were indifferent. The benevolent ones would inhabit me, I would feel their personality, wisdom and thoughts course through my neurons. Some however, I could feel exuding malevolence and ill will. They loomed behind me, towered over me. One seemed fond of grabbing my head and puling it backwards, down towards my bed. It felt like deer antlers smashing against my skull, which would transform into alabaster fingers that pulled me down. These spirits would surround me, clutch at me, I knew that some evil people had once inhabited this space, and wanted to harm me. I saw in my chest a glowing core, the glowing core of life force, my burning life force keeping me from fading into the abyss of asphodel like them. They were all clutching at it, and I had to repel them all through sheer light and force of will.
<br>
<br>
T2:45-It was at this point that I began to really seek out these evil spirits, question them and follow them to where they were born from. I closed my eyes and began to trace them, trace them to their root, it was like burrowing through thick underbrush. I got deeper and deeper and encountered a being, counter to me, a trickster being that didn’t seem to harbor malevolence but still acted antagonistic towards me. This was my divine rival. It toyed with my thoughts and sent ghosts after me. I suddenly realized something-This was God, this was a manifestation of God. It had come down to me in a mortally recognizable form, I was blessed with its presence. I wondered- why is this God? Why do I have to agree with it? Why do I have to be subservient to it, and why does submitting to it feel so tranquil? I seemed to have my mind shifted to a paradigm in which the paranormal existed, and I was able to believe in and follow God. I still questioned God-Why was it the ultimate authority? I began to challenge God, think of ways I could exert power over this force. So this trickster being, after outsmarting me at every turn, decided to enmesh me in itself and show me the true nature of God.
<br>
-The true nature of god-
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<br>
God is a representation of the absolute within measurable and tangible human experience. Subject to entropy, every universal force we encounter has astronomical chances of random variation. God however, is contained in life force. Life force sustains itself by altering perception of the world around it to make itself true and maintain its existence. It is absolutely recursive in how it alters perception. And it is in this recursion that the absolute lies. It is within every living thing, also probably derived from the replicative nature of DNA and RNA. Humans are unique in being able to recognize this force and then later personify it as “God” or “Gods”. This is simply a byproduct of the survival mechanism that drives everything. Life force does anything to stay alive, every adaptation, every thought, is, sometimes through circuitous routes, an extension of that.
<br>
<br>
Everything is subject to entropy however, entropy is the unstoppable and ultimate power in the universe. As God exists only within living things, even god is subject to entropy.
<br>
<br>
During this trip I began to experience the positive feedback loops that have been plaguing me with burgeoning depression as something actually positive- this recursion showed me that they could be harnessed in a way that didn’t drive me towards the edge.
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But I began to wonder- why do my thoughts seem in such opposition to life force? Why am I self destructive? I began to realize that it’s simply the random mutations that drive natural selection, being more subject to entropy. My mutation was a knack for self destruction-the life force was still there, it just found itself in combat with another powerful counterforce, as powerful as the life force but twisted and dark.
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<br>
There were moments during the trip where I was overtaken by vanity and ego, where I believed I was the chosen one by god, where I believed I had solved major unsolved problems in math and physics, where I believed I had opened a rift between our world and the spirit world. This all of course turned out to be complete bullshit but whatever.
<br>
<br>
The rest of the night really wasn’t much. I played a lot of videogames and went to 7/11, the visuals played out for a while but my mind became more human. I rode an emotional rollercoaster as morning approached, shifting between divine elation and deep depression.<!-- End Body -->
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<table border="0" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" class="footdata">
<tr><td width="700">Exp Year: 2015</td><td width="90">ExpID: 107744</td></tr>
<tr><td>Gender: Male</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Age at time of experience: 20</td><td> </td></tr>
<tr><td>Published: Aug 22, 2017</td><td>Views: 1,790</td></tr>
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<tr><td colspan="2">DPT (21), LSD (2) : Entities / Beings (37), Depression (15), Combinations (3), Alone (16)</td></tr>
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