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Vivid dreams with lamactil/lamotrigine? I started taking Lamotrigine about a week and a half ago, and I gotta say, it's done wonders so far for my depression. With that, I've experienced some of the most vivid dreams of my life, some bad, but most good.
Does anyone else here who takes it experience the same thing? Is this a result of the drug and will it stop over time?
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self.bipolar
|
CHICKEN & WAFFLES I was eating lunch earlier today (chicken&waffles) and started chocking on my food, time slowed down, my life flashed before my and I thought I was a goner struggling for my last breathe completely unexpected surrounded by 50 plus people. SOOO FUCKING EMBARRASSING btw. Prior to this moment I fantasized about dying a hand full of times this year, it just hasn’t been the best year for me with a lot more terrible lows than ups, but at that moment when i realized that my life is so precious and delicate and at any moment it can all be gone forever without showing any warning. I now understand that the possibility of taking my own life would be the most brainless decision I could ever make and I am thankful that I didn’t no matter how bad shit may be in my life. I know shit can be tough and I know that the pain hurts but nothing can hurt as bad as being gone forever. Today was probably the best day of my year because I didn’t die by death from chicken and waffle. I don’t want to push my ideas on anyone or anything but I hope this can help someone out. If helps one person I’ll be glad. [Ig post ](https://instagram.com/p/BdWCnBdgBNY/)
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self.depression
|
I imagine I shouldn't feel this way and yet I cannot escape it. I have my dream job, amazing wife, I pay my bills on time and still have some money left over at the end of the month....etc. I exercise, eat well, maybe I could use more sleep but I certainly go to bed early enough to be doing so.
And yet, I don't feel happy. I put myself down at every opportunity I can. I criticize every slip-up, even the small errors that mean nothing. I am not smart enough, I am not good enough, I am hideous, and I don't know how I got here. Maybe it was all a giant mistake and I was just one of those folks that fell through the cracks. Faked it until I made it and now here I am. There are times when I feel so isolated from the world and shelled up that in those moments, I feel like my own wife is just a roommate at best.
I can never tell how I really feel. I am always just "meh" and indecisive. I always dismissed it by saying I was just agreeable. I don't experience highs and lows very much, my highest point seems to be in the middle, and lowest is somewhat below that but never too low.
I don't have many friends, I would love more friends but I just don't. The ones I do have I feel like I am losing because they aren't really interested in hearing or seeing me. They can see through my facade and can tell that I am just not a very interesting person. I wouldn't blame them, either way. I never have to much to say anyway, and if I told them what I really wanted to say "please don't go, I am really enjoying just being around you" they would get creeped out. Even though I love my friends, I still get anxious and have regrets about making plans and leading up to the point when we see each other and yet I always want to do things with them. I don't want to answer my phone even for friends or family and I isolate myself as much as possible.
Apologies for the incoherent ramblings of a random stranger on the internet. I feel like I am slipping farther and am at the point where I can no longer play the part. I don't want to play happy anymore. I just want to exist without this black hole within or this cloud hovering over me. I want to think positively, be able to forgive myself for mistakes I have made, not punish myself and belittle myself. I want to be social and make new friends, be able to go somewhere and make real connections with people.
If you have read this far, I apologize but I also commend you. Thanks. Maybe getting it out of my head and out there will have some beneficial effect.
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self.depression
|
For the first time tonight, I was able to use my Management status for good. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I don’t want to die; I just want the pain to stop. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Strategies during an up time Hi all,
If your depression is episodic like mine is (recently out of a ~2yr episode - I’m early 30s and have had about 4 maybe 5 episodes in my life), what strategies do you use during up times to build defenses for when it hits?
Currently conscious that I need to do a better job battening the hatches.
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self.depression
|
want to kill myself but i am scared to die [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Does anyone feel tense like 24-7? How do I release my anxiety that’s trapped in my body? I feel like a heavy cinder block. I just want to relax and be weightless
|
self.Anxiety
|
Relapse? Hi. I think I'm relapsing. I'm 31, and have been extremely anxious and awkward and depressed since before I can remember. But the last 4 years I've figured out my problem: my mother was a narcissist and was screwing with me my whole life. Anyway so after an ego death and trip through hell and back and a solo pilgrimage around Australia, and a hell of a lot of alcohol, about 1 year ago I've started being more confident and content with myself, I started working out and doing jiu jitsu, but I feel it might be slipping away. I'm starting to miss my jiu jitsu classes, hardly going to the gym and eating more and more bad food, it's getting harder to get out of bed and I'm starting to drink more and more. I'm just a bit scared. 3 weeks ago I was walking tall and feeling great, now I feel ugly and disgusting and sometimes freak out and pace around the house before I work courage up to leave the front door. Errgh I been here before
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self.Anxiety
|
Losing my employee So, hired a guy and trained him for a year and a half (takes about 3 years of training to get this job right). He wants a giant raise, but he's been unreliable at times, doesn't follow rules well, and has been written up by HR...so a raise this year is out of the question, because the company won't go for it with a blotch on the record.
I'm not sad about it, actually. I'm a little relieved, because he's been a bit of a loose cannon, even though it means I'll have to train someone else. At the same time, I'll miss him; he's funny and mostly has a good attitude.
I hope he can get what he wants somewhere else.
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self.offmychest
|
I just want to fall asleep next to someone and never wake up. I just want to feel loved.
Is it too much to ask?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Hello Hi, I just wanted to post a hi for some reason, I'm not having a good week, its a little bit bad week and I'm feeling sad, so hi!
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self.depression
|
The mind of someone battling anxiety. As someone who is battling mental health, depression, and anxiety; I can't tell you how pleased I am to find this subreddit. While I haven't been diagnosed by a professional or a doctor or been tested, I have read up on other people's bouts and experiences with the aforementioned, and can completely relate. Spent hours reading and watching videos, TEDx talks, and spoke to lots of people..
I used to be very outgoing and lackluster, giving no regard to how others thought about me as a young child. I didn't care, and thought I was invincible. Somehow, the senior year of my university, started my battle with mental health, depression and anxiety. I started to become worried about a lot, becoming depressed in the process. I would not go out, or leave my home. I would take everything as a personal attack on me, and thought about taking my life at times, or simply wondering why I was even fortunate to be alive. Life shouldn't be this hard, I thought - but I couldn't shake my mentality, and didn't do anything. I was bed-ridden for the better parts of two years, one while in college, and the year I graduated.
I became very negative. I worried about pleasing other people, and making a lasting impression. I would never go where I wasn't wanted, and tried to avoid social settings where I was invited, simply because I wouldn't do anything and didn't feel I had any contributions to the setting. I would often sulk and mope in my thoughts, creating hypothetical situations and scenarios in my head. I didn't understand why.
I stayed cooped up in my home and bed, never leaving. I would starve because I had no job, and wasn't making money. I became very angry with the world. I would never reach out to anyone, because I thought I would be bothering someone else's time, and I wasn't worthy of their time. But I would be so happy when people reached out to me, which was few and far between.
Long story short, I'm still dealing with the trident of problems I have. This thread will certainly motivate and help me to get back on track. I'm on the road to recovery, but I'm done being depressed. It still beats me down sometimes, but I have to remember, I'm a human of this Earth, and if people less fortunate then myself could find happiness and a reason to live, why couldn't I? Why was I being selfish to myself, my body, and my mind?
Life is precious, I am precious.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I got called the N word today and it hurt because it was true I live in a small town and my ma and I are the only black people for miles around. And I fit most of the stereotypes. I'm lazy. I'm stupid. I'm 25M and working at a grocery store as a checker. I went to a known SJW college and got a useless degree that won't get me into a better job.
I've been on anti depressants for a long time and I've built up enough of a tolerance that they don't work. I feel depressed all the time and sometimes sleep all day until my shift starts at 4 in the afternoon. Doctors won't increase my dosage or take me off of them.
When I'm not sleeping, I sit around writing shitty fiction and cleaning for my ma while she insults me all day.
I thought this coworker of mine cared about my problems. He always seemed sympathetic when I vented to him about not getting some job I wanted. But earlier, I was just asking him if he saw the new Star Wars movie, and he says, "Get back to work, f--king N---r!" completely serious and right in front of people. An old man customer laughed and was like, "You tell him". I was tearing up at work afterward and went into the bathroom to cry. I think I may have mild autism, and I guess I didn't pick up the signs he was getting annoyed with me talking to him all the time? There were many occasions he approached me to ask how I was doing. I talked to him again on the way out and he said I was seriously annoying.
I know I need these sorts of "reality checks," but I already give it to myself every day and night about my current situation.
I have no f--king friends and I'm a lazy POS N----r.
|
self.depression
|
I hate people who are disabled and are quadriplegic. It’s like caring for a 200lb baby. I’ve been caring for a whole slew of Veterans, old elderly men with disabilities and some who can’t even accomplish basic activities like feeding or even breathing on their own for almost five years. My bones ache from pushing and pulling their dead body weight while they complain that no one in their own families care about them.
I’m wiping off their snot while they ask if I can shave them, shampoo them, wash their whole entire body after pulling their broken body into the wheelchair. And having to cart them to the dining area. After doing all that, treating me like an extension of their broken body they want my body to deteriorate like theirs has.
Can you do one last favor, it’s always what they say. Not even a thank you, and if you’re late they throw a tantrum even worse than a two year old. I’m tired of these men who destroyed their own bodies who latch onto to healthy caretakers. My soul died a long time ago, I used to care. But none of these people should have survived their accidents.
The worst are those who can be more active and independent but they get a sick thrill out of watching their caretakers do everything for them. They don’t even want to wipe their own asses. I wish the person who shot you, got the bullet a little higher.
If you’re disabled, it’s not an excuse to be lazy and treat others like shit. Fuck you for being a horrible human being and hiding behind your disability. Fuck you all, I’m glad I’m leaving your rotted life.
|
self.offmychest
|
Does anybody else feel sad checking others Snapchat stories? Especially when it’s on the weekend where everyone likes to parade their fake lives and make it seem like they party every night? While you’re at home in bed watching other people have fun?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Benzo Withdrawal Who else is experiencing benzo withdrawal? I had my dose of Valium cut 25% and I am really feeling it today.
|
self.Anxiety
|
This seems like enough Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I can feel the air around me grow stale and dark as the knowledge sets upon me that I've truly had enough at this point. I've tried so hard and I've tried everything and I've only succeeded in embarrassing myself time and time again. I can't live like this anymore, with this disease clutching my brain like a life-draining parasite and making me hurt others. I'm overdue - a runt-of-the-litter that wasn't meant to survive for so long and I'm doing what should have been finished so long ago.
Man, fuck.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Think its time to return. Heart pacing hand starts to shake
"Here we go again"
Rushing to the bathroom go find somewhere safe,somewhere where no eyes shall judge or watch. There he feels safe he feels only himself can see something of a regular in this life. Why cant i just have thoughts like others why do they halt me in my step and claw at my skin, why do they make me rethink everything i see. Who do i trust when my thoughts are the only thing i know will be there, they will never leave they will never fail me. There is a certain comfort in that, i am never truly lonely that voice will always be there talking shit judging me judging those around me.
At the end of the day when he sleeps and the warzone that is my mind has called a ceasefire, i know he is never leaving and i love him for that.
|
self.depression
|
I lost my best friend 5 months ago to suicide and now I feel like I’m losing myself I genuinely cannot hold it together anymore, I’m teetering on the brink of insanity, I haven’t done anything this past week due to the complete lack of motivation. Sitting in my room and talking to myself just makes me even more suicidal, I’m tired of calling myself useless garbage that doesn’t deserve to be loved and that I deserve to be treated the way that I am. Most of my friends and family ignore my cries of help and therapy doesn’t help at all, those who do help have given up as they can’t possibly fathom that I’ll stay alive for much longer. I miss the one who truly cared about me, he hanged himself after I went home from his house, he gave me an ominous hint and I didn’t call the police fast enough to save him, I feel as if I failed him, his family and his/my friends. Nobody truly knows how much he meant to me and I haven’t been able to get any real sleep as I get vivid pictures of his corpse. It’s been five months and everybody expects me to get over it but the pain still hurts just as much.
Happiness is only temporary for me, and in lows like this it feels like the only solution is a rope around my neck. Is it morbid if I want to see who will cry like I did losing him??
Thanks for reading my horrible thoughts.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to share my diagnosis with someone recently diagnosed to help them cope, but don't want to risk my family finding out I have bipolar. I just found out that a friend close to my family was diagnosed recently with bipolar. I have been diagnosed for 2 years now. I would dearly love to reach out and offer some support by being able to share everything I've been through and learned, and also make them feel less alone. Like they have a safe resource and someone who understands, not just empathizes. They said they have nobody they can talk to.
But the thing is.. I haven't shared my diagnosis with my family, and have no intentions of doing so. I know everybody has different theories on this but that is the best decision for me given my family dynamic.
A big thing for me when I first was diagnosed was this fear that I couldn't trust what I might say when I was manic or depressed and I might share secrets unintentionally and I felt super untrustworthy. I had a very hard time trusting myself.
So being faced with the prospect of sharing a deeply personal secret with someone who might not be able to keep that secret, I just don't know what to do. I'm really worried they might out me to my family someday when they're unstable or when their mood tells them it's a good idea when it's not. They have a history of very irrational and erratic behavior that makes me nervous.
This person has always been very misunderstood and isolated and I so so want to be able to tell this person that they didn't just fall further down into that hole of isolation and in fact are closer to someone than they ever knew. But I don't want to jeopardize my own boundaries.
Should I risk it?
(And yes I know there are plenty of ways to offer support, help, and resources without sharing my personal mental conditions. I'm mostly asking about that last step of sharing my secret, but please feel free to suggest alternatives)
|
self.bipolar
|
Anyone else pretend they’re having a conversation with someone in their head about your depression? I know this probably sounds crazy, but sometimes I fantasize talking to someone about my depression because I’ve never opened up to anyone about it before and I wish I could.
|
self.depression
|
I'm not strong enough to live and I never will be I'm 17 and I know I haven't "really lived" yet, but that's the point, I can't do it. I've been through years of therapy and there's no more help for me, because I am the problem, I'm a weak and sensitive little bitch. And that will never change.
I have nothing left worth living for, nothing that I actually care about, and I'm worth nothing to anyone. It's as simple as that. Life just wasn't for me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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