Datasets:

KelvinTichana2

/

mentalhealthcurated

like 4

I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any coping mechanisms I can use to break this cycle?

I believe that for results that last, the best approach is to understand why someone feels like doing a certain behavior."Coping mechanisms" are superficial instruction that people usually give up on when feeling extreme pressure from the problem behaviors.Take the slower road of understanding why you would deprive yourself of enjoying food.Also, if you consider the binging as a mistake of some kind, reflect on why doing something less than ideal, deserves harsh criticism and not tolerance and acceptance that people mess up occasionally.I'm glad you know that there are better ways of treating yourself.  This is a valuable awareness of realizing you deserve patience and respect, not humiliation and severe criticism when you are lost as to best ways of self-care.

I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age.

What is the reason you wouldn't want your parents to know you are trying to find your way through PTSD?Would they believe that you've been traumatized?And, do you feel that your parents had a hand in creating your trauma?There is no need to tell your parents you have PTSD unless you feel that doing so will help you.   Maybe you intuitively realize that they don't want to understand or know about this.How did you come to the conclusion that you have PTSD?If you are working with a therapist, and a minor, then  the laws of your State dictate what information your parents can ask your therapist about you.If you are a grown person and working with a therapist,  you have complete legally protected privacy of what you talk about with your therapist.In any case, a good starting point is to know exactly your own reason for wishing to keep your psychological situation hidden from your parents.

We’ve been together almost three years. We argue and he ends it by telling me he doesn’t love me. It's hurtful because I am all about resolving the problem, and he dwells on the issue even if I drop what he's done and just swallow my pride and say I am sorry. How can this be resolved? We have kids, and I don't want a broken family because we can't communicate.

Try having a conversation with your boyfriend about your views and wishes for the relationship, when the two of you are having a calm time.  A few questions I'd like to ask him is why he says he doesn't love you when the topic at hand is about a specific practical matter.I'd also like to know what he hopes will happen from dwelling on a matter.And, why are you swallowing your pride?  Sooner or later this will come up on you in much bigger ways.  Instead, try to know your own wishes that you are either not stating or are being ignored by your boyfriend.The best way to resolve accumulated tensions is to slowly open the discussion between the two people.It is possible to stay together forever.  What you each need to realize, is the terms under which this would most likely take place.Sending lots of luck!

Me and the father of my child have been dating for a year. We had a big argument and at first he wanted to work it out. But with time he started asking others and they told him to leave me. Now he wants me to wait on him to mature. He wants to talk to other people. Then come back in four years. He doesn't want to deal with me while I'm pregnant. He doesn't take me to the doctor or anything. I feel alone. How do I handle this situation?

Well, as far as your boyfriend, sounds like he has received advice from others that is not wise advice.  Leaving is not the answer after a "big argument" as you mentioned.  However this is not surprising to me based on his possible age and maturity level.  Having a baby is a lifetime responsibility and there are very few who handle this or who realizes that it requires one to step their game up.  This is something that he has to realize and be encouraged by his parents or a mature adult to do.  Hopefully, someone who has better (wise) advice will talk to him and he will listen.As for you,  how do you handle this situation is your question....you do what you have to do to prepare for your baby, with or without him.  A lot can happen in four years and you don't have time, are not required, and can't wait to see what will happen with him.  You have a LIFE to prepare for,  to feed, to protect, and to love.  Can you tell your baby to wait; I don't want to deal with you now; I need to mature; I will be back to see you later; Hope you will be fine?  Nope!!!   As I always say, you are not alone because there is someone somewhere going through the same or similar thing.  Develop healthy friendships...whether with family, friends or new people who may enter your life.  Your support system will grow and life will go on...with or with him.  Stay focus on you and your baby...

Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

Realize that you are human, not perfect and will make the wrong decisions at times.   That is OK, we all have.  However, the best way is to say OK, I did it, learned from it, will not do that again.  EVER!!!  You can get pass it; grow from it.  Unfortunately, we forgive others faster than we do ourselves because we hold ourselves to higher standards or expected better behavior from ourselves.  It can be embarrassing, hurtful, almost unforgiving at times.  But how do you forgive yourself? Take a Deep Breathe..... and then acknowledge that you did something wrong, acknowledge it, and say to self,  "I forgive me".  Just like you would say to someone else.   This starts the process of forgiving. Also ask yourself these questions:   What lesson did I learn?  What would I have done differently?  What will be a trigger that will make me do that again, if I happened to be weak or tempted?  Avoid or prepare for those triggers....  Forgiving yourself will set you free from the prison you have put yourself in.  You would start back living. 

I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes.

This is a very common question in my practice. Panic attacks typically emerge from an underlying issue (ex. Depression, low self-esteem, fears). To decrease your anxiety symptoms it’s recommended to seek treatment with a therapist who specializes in working with anxiety disorders and most importantly one with whom you feel comfortable with.In my practice I educate clients about their anxiety and discuss building a framework with helpful tools for decreasing anxiety:1. Starting a daily mindfulness practice. For example: listening to guided meditation; engaging in deep breathing exercises; yoga practice; or other positive calming activities.2. Understand your negative and positive thoughts. Many times we tend to focus on the potential for bad things to happen. Increase positive self-talk when feeling down or when anxious. For example: "I don't need to worry, I am calm and relaxed". 3. Exposure to fearful or anxious situations. This can be accomplished under the care of a mental health professional. Many times we shy away from things that make us feel uncomfortable or insecure. This may led to an increase in isolating behaviors resulting in difficulty in performing things we were once able to do. For example: leaving the house; presenting in front of others; going to social events; and having conversations with people. However, the more we expose ourselves and practice the use of our positive coping skills (ex. deep breathing) the chances of anxiety will decrease. I hope this was helpful. Keep in mind, a therapist can help with guiding you through self relaxation and improvement.

We’ve been together almost three years. We argue and he ends it by telling me he doesn’t love me. It's hurtful because I am all about resolving the problem, and he dwells on the issue even if I drop what he's done and just swallow my pride and say I am sorry. How can this be resolved? We have kids, and I don't want a broken family because we can't communicate.

Communication involves a listener and a speaker.  Both have to be willing to do their part to make communication work.  This is something that takes both and not just one.  Without both, communication is impossible.   Staying together and the kids observing unhealthy communication is already broken.  Seek help to improve communication.    Couples' counseling would be helpful.

I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot.

Give him the time and space he needs.  Obviously something is going on with him that he needs time to process, think about, and work through.  Respect that most men are not talkers but more thinkers.  If and when he is ready to talk, he will.  When and if he does talk, be a comforting listener and put yourself in his shoes the best you can to be the support he needs.  Don't take it personal because you just been dating 3 weeks and his depression maybe something that been going on for a while.  If you do like him...showing him by being patient and supportive at this time.

Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing.

As you do it more, it should get better or at less with less anxiety.  Anxiety is normal for most when speaking in public.  I hear this from even the best of facilitators who have been doing it for years.  I even experienced that when I first became a counselor and had to lead classes.  I asked myself why were I so anxious?  I admit at that time I didn't have confidence in myself.  The more I prepared and practiced, the more my confidence level increased.  Yours will too...

My coworkers are making false statements about me to the boss, saying I have mood swings. They have no proof to back it up. Can my employer make me see a therapist of their choice?

If this is a concern of a few coworkers, make sure it is not something they see but you don't admit to.  Employers can "suggest" or something "stipulate" in continued employment with them  for you to go to their Employment Assistance Provider (EAP) if they have noticed the same behavior and concerned of how it is effecting productivity or employee relationships.  No one wants to work in a environment which they consider hostile.  Employers can be held responsible if they do not take action.Couple of things you can do...Ask a coworker in which you trust and respect if what others are saying is true?Seek professional help from your primary care provider or counselor if mood swings do exist.     

I am a teenage girl. I've been seeing the same dream once in a while since I was very young. The problem is that I don't remember anything about this dream. I still know that it's the same one, and then I wake up in a panic, and I cry really loud without knowing the reason. Why do I see the same dream, why can I not remember it, and what should I do to remember it?

There is no scientifically established formula for understanding dreams, that I know about, however, many people get a great deal of value from exploring what their dreams mean. It is believed by many that our dreams contain metaphors that represent meaningful patterns in our lives and relationships and if we pay attention to them we can learn important things about ourselves. One thing you might try, to see if you can get more insight into the dream and possibly begin remembering things, is to take note of whatever you do remember, any details about your experience, such as when do you wake up from the dream, how do you feel, both emotionally and physically, what are you thinking about when you wake up, is there any pattern in terms of what happens to you in your waking life around the time you have this dream... If you can keep a journal or a recording device to speak into by your bed, you can try to record whatever you do remember and notice as soon as you wake up. People seem to have more difficulty remembering dreams, the more time they let go by before attempting to record the dream, or if you go back to sleep before recording what you remember.

My mom is always bossy and treats me like a child even though I'm in my 20s. She argues with me over stupid stuff.

This is a common issue. You grow up gradually, and parents often forget to shift their habitual responses according to your newfound level of maturity and growing need for freedom and independance. I'm all for helping you find new ways to cope and interact with your mom. Ultimately, you only have control over yourself, so that's the place to start. You can remind yourself that Mom's behaviours don't mean that she doesn't trust you or love you; it's just that she has habitual ways of talking to you that seem stuck in the fourteen year old range. If you can see her responses as habits, rather than a reflection of how she feels about you, then you can keep yourself calm. The more calm you are, the more she will buy into it when you invite her into a different sort of relationship. Take a look at the picture from her perspective. She may feel overwhelmed with finances (are you in college?), and feel burdened by the mundane tasks in life that she doesn't know how to recruit help for. I bet your mom spends a lot of time picking up after you, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry...all those thankless mom tasks. Take a look at how she talks to you... is she nagging about chores? Can you see that underneath the nagging there's a pretty overwhelmed and powerless person who needs assistance?  Okay, so my guess is that you both have a legitimate beef. She wants help. You want respect. Let's talk about how you get both.I propose that you sit down with mom and negotiate out a different sort of dynamic. "Mom...I see us as stuck in how we interacted when I was fourteen. Can we do this differently in a way that we both get what we want?" Sell it as "win-win". Then you write down some things that end up forming a contract. The first part is stuff that's your business and your business alone: things you want your mom to respect, like your room, your school, your job, your personal relationships and hygiene.... Mom's voice has no place in these arenas, unless you are storing food in your room and it's a health hazard. This is a "Mom says nothing about" list. The second part is about what Mom needs from you. What are her expectations about your role in the home as an adult. Does she want you to contribute to rent? Buy your own food? Do your own laundry? What items can we put in your control that would take some burden off of Mom? How will these things be enforced? What will happen if you don't follow through? Write it all down so it's really clear. It has to all be mutually agreed upon.The third part of the conversation is about how she talks to you, and how you talk to her. You can let her know that you don't want to be told what to do or when to do it; that doesn't work when you're 20 years old. Listen to what she wants too. Beyond the contract you've just written up, anything else you want from each other is a request, it's optional, and whether and when you do it is at your discretion. My guess is that if she spoke to you with more respect, you'd be more willing to help out. AND, I think if you participated a bit more she would nag at you less. Go for the win-win. I wish you well as you negotiate a new relationship with Mom. :) 

I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes.

The other two post answers to your question are very good and I don't feel the need to repeat what has already been said quite well, but I will offer one other option I have been able to utilize quite successfully with those dealing with panic attacks.  Chain analysis is a fantastic way for your to map out the situation starting with the prompting event, the chain of events ((links) that lead up to the behavior - in this case a panic attack, and then what the consequences were.  See the illustration below:<img src="data:image/png;base64,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

such as not enough sleep

0

Whenever I have to speak in public or be in big crowds, I freak out. I get light-headed, sweaty, and I have trouble breathing.

Basically, your response is the fight, flight or freeze reaction which is hard wired into the human nervous system, specifically, the autonomic nervous system (called the autonomic response).  This system is responsible for regulating the heart, digestion, respiratory rate as well as other aspects which match the symptoms you describe.  It is largely an unconscious function, but with training it can be managed such as a public speaking course in which you prepare and even have some exposure to smaller experiences to help you prepare and cope for larger presentations.  One of the greatest applications of addressing this response is the NASA program which exposes the astronauts to situations they will encounter while in space which will trigger the response so that when it does happen (not if but when) that they are able to move through the challenge with success.  You can learn more about his by going to TED Talks “What I learned about going blind in space” It is a truly inspiring look at what you are experiencing as well as how to deal with it. With that being said, finding a program like a Dale Carnegie Public Speaking program can help.  Working with a counselor who can help you utilize visualization of an upcoming speech has been shown to help and you can always talk to your doctor to see what options might be available there as well. Good luck!

We’ve been together almost three years. We argue and he ends it by telling me he doesn’t love me. It's hurtful because I am all about resolving the problem, and he dwells on the issue even if I drop what he's done and just swallow my pride and say I am sorry. How can this be resolved? We have kids, and I don't want a broken family because we can't communicate.

You can't fix this by yourself, but I applaud you for trying. One person working hard in a relationship can make things better for a while., but in the long haul you need two people giving some effort. I'm reading between your lines here and I wonder if your need to keep the family together is getting you to apologize when you've done nothing wrong and ignore things you've felt hurt by. I sense that you're doing all the work...that it's not balanced. I have worked with many couples and I've learned never to underestimate what kind of change is possible; anything is possible. But in order for change in a couple to occur, you need two people who are both willing to own their choices and behaviours, and who have empathy. Your boyfriend doesn't appear to have these components; he pushes you away and blames you when he's done something hurtful.Can you be honest with yourself about what's happening? I encourage you to sit down with a trusted friend or therapist and look at what you have here and what your options are. I wish you well. 

I started dating my fiancé two years ago. My first cousin is married to my fiancé’s sister. There has always been a communication issue between my uncle and aunt and my cousin and his wife. My uncle goes to my mom instead of talking to my cousin, and it upsets my mom.

When you're upset about something, the first question you can ask yourself is "Whose problem is this?" It is amazing how many problems will disappear right at that point, because you realize the problem isn't even yours. You can't fix everything in your family. You are starting a new family of your own, and it's time to create a protective bubble around your family unit that keeps other people's issues away. I tell myself "Not my pig, not my farm, not my problem." When you stop trying to take care of other people's problems, they are more likely to step up and deal with it themselves. :)

I believe it is wrong for men to look at inappropriate content. The father of my child has agreed to respect my beliefs. His co-worker sent him an inappropriate video. He got mad because he does not think he should tell his friend to not send him things like that.

It sounds like you are wanting to protect your child from degrading images and that is one of the important parts of the job of a parent. Although it is challenging to supply an answer without knowing the full situation, it might be helpful to have a more broad discussion about what you both think about the influences and images that your child is exposed to and what you think your role is in protecting your child. This situation is one about beliefs and values and could well be an example you can use for exploring your parenting roles in protecting your child.

I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like.

Yes, of course, it's your body and you can do what you feel like doing.Do you feel a commitment to your partner?Your guilt probably is pointing out the feeling of having done with your body what your spirit tells you is a violation of the commitment you feel toward your partner.The good news is that this is a moment for you to examine how strong your commitment is to your partner.Find balance between satisfying your freedom to do as you please, with your sense of being a partner, which means prioritizing the partner once in a while.

I've been with him for a couple months. We will talk everyday and he will get mad over something I will say and not talk to me. We have our great moments, but I just need to focus on my personal situations, and I feel he is slowing me down with that. I still wanna be with him, but not now.

Why don't you just tell him everything that you just wrote here?You're clear in your mind as to what you would like.Unless you have a whole either side to the way you feel, everything you wrote here explains your position very well.Good luck in having your conversation!

I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like.

My questions to you would be:  Why did you get married?  Would it bother you if your spouse did the same to you?

I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

The greatest sex experience will be with someone who you feel connected to outside the bed.  This is something that you should feel comfortable in talking with your partner about.  The relationship needs to be strong before moving to the bed anyways. If the love is there, he will understand your fears and make you feel comfortable making it a great experience. 

I saw my mother cheating on my dad before. I said something to her, and she said it was in the past. Yesterday, I saw her texting dirty things to the same guy. Should I talk to her again? I don't want my parents to go their separate ways, I just want her to stop. it's not fair.

You as the child in the middle of your parents' problems is the worse position to be in.  I can only imagine your hurt, pain and confusion on what to do.  Honestly, this is a hard question to answer without knowing your age, your parents' ability to handle hearing information from you and your maturity to handle what may happen in the end.  One thing I would like to note....your parents may be in the same house but if your mother is cheating, they have already gone their separate ways. 

I've been with him for a couple months. We will talk everyday and he will get mad over something I will say and not talk to me. We have our great moments, but I just need to focus on my personal situations, and I feel he is slowing me down with that. I still wanna be with him, but not now.

I have learned that the best approach is to say that you need the time to get yourself together, mature, learn, outside of a intimate relationship but just in a friend to friend relationship...don't blame him or point fingers at him.... most likely if you did that it would not go well.  If you make it about you and that you want the best for him while you work on self, it would be taken better. 

I just need to know if I'm really crazy or not.

Do an internet research on psychosis symptoms and see if you have several of the symptoms.  If you do, seek a medical evaluation from your primary care physician.  There are great medications and psychotherapy that can help you live your life to the fullest.  There a many people who are diagnosed with psychosis and living a productive life. 

My dad passed away when I was a teenager. I never got any help, and five years later, I feel like I can't handle it anymore.

It's never to late to get help with grief.  Get help as soon as possible before you are feeling the same way 5 years from now.  You will always miss your Dad but getting help with coping with his loss will make life easier to live.   

I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child.

Yes you can..  If you cannot control your temper, who can?  You have more power of your emotions, thoughts and feeling than you are giving yourself credit for.  If this is scaring your wife and child, you need to get control of it immediately.  Try going to an anger management class.  It will help to discover what is the root cause of your anger, what triggers it and how you can control/manage it.  If you can't go to a class, try self help books or even better yet counseling and support of a professional counselor.

We're not together, but I’m still doing things for him and we are intimate. He’s not there for his son.

You didn't ask a direct question because I feel from what you wrote you already know the answer.  I hate to sound harsh but I am a therapist that call it how I see it so brace yourself...You will always continue to have problems with letting your child's father go as long as you:Don't love or respect yourself first...Don't love and respect your son...Don't demand respect as a woman and mother...Give up the goods regardless of what he does for you or your son...Don't hold your son as a priority in your life....Have self worth of a $1, etc.I have a feeling you are saying...I do love my son and hold him as a priority even if you don't do it for yourself...I would ask...Are your actions of allowing such disrespect from his father proof of that?I know what I have said may have gotten under your skin...I want it to.... because I feel that you have a conscience, want to do better, know you and your son deserve better and you can do better.  Believe in yourself and that you and your son DO desire better and it starts with you setting boundaries with his father.  You can do  it!!!

When I'm around people, I sometimes think someone has made a comment to me or asked me to do something. I will be focusing on something else and then randomly think I hear something about me. I never know if it was actually said.

It sounds like you are having difficulty knowing if people are saying things to you, or if you only thought someone was talking to you, and this is anxiety producing. It's understandable that it could be confusing and/or a bit scary to be unsure if people are speaking to you or not. It's hard to say exactly what is going on from just this description, but if you can work with a competent therapist, you may be able to get more insight into what is happening, get clarity about your social interactions, and develop some ways to deal with the anxiety.

My husband told me last year he never loved me and should have never married me. He's been talking about divorce, but he hasn't filed. Now he has a girlfriend and he abandoned me and his kids. He has no financial help, and he has been out of the home for four months. He became very angry and mean. He says it's all my fault, and that we're not compatible.

It's hard to say that it is a midlife crisis stage..  could be... but so much more seems to be going on or have been going on to say with confidence that it is not much more. 

I work two jobs and go to school for criminal justice. Over the summer, my father had a stroke. It was very devastating. My father isn't the same, and my family fights every day. I have been kicked out the house many times. I break down a lot.

You undoubtedly are carrying a huge weight on your shoulders. Stressors come in many forms and you are engulfed in a few of the major ones as it relates to dealing with the declining health of your father, family conflict, as well as trying to balance a work and school schedule. Stress, if left unchecked has many negative health related implications. First and foremost I would recommend going to see a counselor at your college/university. Most colleges have counseling centers for students that usually allow for 5-6 free counseling sessions (your tuition actually pay for these sessions so take advantage of them). Secondly I would advise you to take a minute and breathe. When confronted with overwhelming life issues it is common to busy ourselves in an attempt to distract ourselves from the drama, but sometimes that can compound our stress. When dealing with stress it is important that you engage in self care. In other words find time to engage in activities that bring you a sense of peace, enjoyment, and fulfillment in order that you may get a momentary release from your daily hectic life. Even with a normal life there is no way to escape stress, it is inevitable and a part of life, but how you deal with stress, as well as how you take care of yourself in the midst of these whirlwind events will determine your quality of life. I hope this helps...

I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

As hard as it may be to do this, since all the media and marketing of how an ideal person looks and performs sexually, surrounds us, keep in mind that the images presented in order to sell movies and almost any product, is meant to trigger fantasies.No one is a fantasy, we are all real and unique.  We can be influenced to believe that being a fantasy is better than being who each of us is, genuinely.Your partner may be much more accepting of your body and your level of sexual experience, than you are of yourself!Sex within a relationship means the two people want to have with the other one, not because they have ideal bodies and expertise, but because the person wants to make love to the one whom they love.When you are in a loving relationship, part of this includes talking about sensitivities and insecurities.  Having a conversation gives the chance to know that you are accepted for who you are, not how closely you resemble a made up idea meant to persuade people to buy items.

I get so much anxiety, and I don’t know why. I feel like I can’t do anything by myself because I’m scared of the outcomes.

Anxiety is simply your system communicating to you that you are in danger. The issue that I see in most of my clients is that they try to reason with this anxiety. You do not reason with sensory states in the body. If your system tells your in danger (your stomache feels like it is knots, your heart is beating out of your chest,) validate by just being present with it. Take your breath to it. Breath in and out of that space. Say ok, I am in danger. I always tell my clients, "a crying baby wants to be held, not told to shut up." Listen to your system, validate it like you do a child and see what happens. 

I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am.

Three years ago I attended a week long meditation retreat. By the fifth day I noticed I was light headed and felt very strange. I began to realize within my own being an experience of no separation. I would see others at the retreat and smile. I loved them all. I could feel the connection with this awareness I had read about but never truly understood until that moment. I remember understanding all the teachings I had learned throughout my life about a god who existed outside of me. I realized I had all these answeres within my own being and so did everyone else. I began to see everyone as not just capable but powerful loving beings. Since this experience it has been my desire for everyone to become conscious within whatever experience they wish. I do this in many ways. At our studio we combine Mental Health with yoga and meditation as well as nutrition counseling to help people come to their optimal selves. To truly come into a state of "finding yourself," is to start to know and own who you are from a state of solid being. In this there is nothing new under the sun, and it is very simple. I would love to teach you and anyone interested in coming into a state of awake conciousness.  The more awake we are the more joyful we are. I live in this state of being and demonstrate it in my daily life. 

I am married, but I had sex with my friend. I feel guilty, but I feel not guilty too. Do I need to feel guilty? It's my body, and I have full rights to do what I like.

I don't think there's anything that you're supposed to feel. Some people feel tremendously guilty when they cheat, and others not at all. It could be that your partner doesn't know about the cheating and you haven't had to face his/her emotions and reactions. When something we do is hidden...a secret...it's easier to avoid feeling guilty. I wonder if you're avoiding your own emotions. But let's put that question aside for now. There are better questions.What do you want? Do you want your marriage? If not, this may be why you don't feel guilty. Do you want to be able to sleep with your friend? It's unlikely that both are possible (keeping the marriage and the affair). Yes, you get to do whatever you want with your body...and...there may be consequences. Affairs almost always get discovered. Who do you want to be? What kind of partner do you want to be? What might your partner feel if they knew? How might you feel then? Would you care? Has something happened that's affected how much you care about your partner?I suggest that these other questions might be a place to start. Exploring it with a therapist is something to consider maybe. I wish you the best as you sort it out. :)

I've been with him for a couple months. We will talk everyday and he will get mad over something I will say and not talk to me. We have our great moments, but I just need to focus on my personal situations, and I feel he is slowing me down with that. I still wanna be with him, but not now.

It sounds like you're pulling away instead of being honest. If you really want to be with him, why not now? If you don't have time for a relationship, why are you dating at all?I don't understand the whole "phasing out" thing that people do these days (or "ghosting", where you just stop talking and disappear!). I get the sense that this relationship isn't working for you, but for some reason you're stopping yourself from being honest with yourself and him and just ending it. In the early stage of a relationship (the first year), if it doesn't feel fabulous, it's a good idea to move on. It's not personal. You don't owe this person anything. They deserve someone who's totally into them (and so do you) and you're doing him no favors by hanging on to something that's not amazing or giving him hope that it might work better in the future sometime. You don't have to slowly bow out. It actually creates more hurt than gentle honesty. Maybe people don't know how to say it?"I've decided not to continue with this. I wish you the best." Life is too short!

I am a female, and I am afraid of having sex. I am afraid of disappointing my partner by being inexperienced. I think he thinks I'm not a virgin. I am also scared that he will be disappointed with my naked body. I don't want my partner to think differently of me because I am afraid of having sex.

These fears are completely normal. Almost everyone has the same fears you do, to some degree, especially if they lack experience. Men also feel far more of these fears than you realize. That can help...to remember that we're all a little scared and looking for safety and approval.You mention a partner, but I'm not sure if you currently have one. Having a partner you can trust with your fears and who you feel safe with is so important. When you're really confident someone cares deeply for you, this can help the fears to go away or diminish. How well do you know your own body? Getting to know how you like to be touched and how different touches feel...getting acquainted with your body yourself first...this can help build sexual confidence. In general, our partners care less about our fat and wrinkles than they care about how we make them feel in bed. Being a generous lover who is confident enough to put fear aside...ironically this is what makes you "good in bed". But be patient with yourself. Your confidence will grow with experience, and that doesn't have to happen until you are ready. There's not rush. :)

I get angry and act out. It scares my wife and child.

Anger is a normal emotion, no different than joy, elation, or sadness. It's not anger that gets us in trouble it's the overtness of the emotion or how we allow it to manifest that gets us in trouble. Being able to control your temper depends on several variables: how you saw anger acted out as a child in terms of your primary caregivers and what you internalized as being normal in terms of managing conflict, and your communication style regarding how you confront problematic situations. There are some whose anger takes on a volcano effect whereby they don't readily address problematic situations but rather they continue to stuff their emotion until the right trigger causes them them to explode, and then there are those who are very impulsive in terms of how they react to stressful situations, they don't take time to think out situations or to make sense of them, they just impulsively respond. I would encourage you to seek anger management from a therapist who utilizes a Cognitive Behavioral approach in order that you may explore how your irrational thinking related to certain situations may be influencing your problematic behavior. In addition, I would encourage you to engage in activities that promote stress reduction if your blowups are indeed related to being overly stressed. The first step is recognizing that you have a problem that you need help in understanding and addressing, which you have, now take the next step in finding a therapist in order that you may learn to control your temper and undo some faulty wiring that may be related to how you process emotion, and communicate that you're angry. Remember, anger is the overt expression of some other emotion (i.e., disappointment, hurt, frustration, etc..) Hope this helps...

He isn't violent, but he has anger issues and deep insecurities. He's working on them and has improved. We started counseling, and he participated in one or two individual sessions, but we broke up again shortly thereafter. Now his constant questions and accusations are getting really draining.

Hello and thank you for your question. I worked for a number of years with people who have been both abused in their relationships and those who have been abusive. Being involved in a relationship with a partner who does the behaviors you describe can be incredibly difficult, and many would argue is even harder than overcoming actual physical violence. I was a little confused about whether you're are still broken up with this person or if you are still thinking about it. I am going to assume you are still undecided. Some of the things you are describing sound like emotional abuse. Even without physical abuse, being emotionally abused can still be traumatizing. When partners question and accuse, they are often trying to exercise power and control over their partners by hurting them with unfounded accusations.  The accusations serve to make someone feel guilty and to manipulate them. For example, if your partner accuses you of cheating when you go out bowling with friends, you may elect not to go bowling just to satisfy your partner and prevent a fight from occurring. The person being accused or questioned often tries to prove over and over again that they have done nothing wrong, but it doesn't matter. And that brings me to the point of what some people who experience these behaviors do in order to start feeling like they have some power again. Here are just a few things:1. They realize there is no right answer. Trying to be logical with someone who doesn't want to be logical doesn't work. Many people simply stop trying to defend themselves against false accusations because there was no answer that would satisfy their partner anyway. In addition, the rules of the relationship seem to change on a daily basis, and what may be okay with your partner one day may make them angry the next. And this can leave people constantly feeling like they are on eggshells.  2. The find support. Finding a support group or a group of people who remind you on a daily basis that you are a decent person is always a good idea. One of the things that can happen when we are with someone who does emotionally abusive things is begin to have a negative concept of ourselves. Surrounding yourself with people who remind you that you are a good person is a great idea. 3. They reinvest in themselves. Try to find some time for yourself. This couldn't possibly sound more cliché, but it is actually true. Whether that is taking up a new hobby or doing an old one. One thing that can happen when emotional abuse takes place in a relationship is the person being abused can begin to isolate and not do the things that make them enjoy life. Taking some time for the self can sometimes bring things into perspective.I don't know if you are still in counseling, but if you are and you are getting what you need then that is great. If not, there are others you can try. It's important to find the right fit. As for the question of whether or not you should leave your partner, that is a question that can only be answered by you. But you could ask yourself some questions  like these to help you decide:1. What are some of my values about relationships? Do I want Trust? Honesty? Ask yourself if you have these things in your relationship.2. Do I feel like this relationship brings out the best in me, or does it seem to bring me down?3. If I want to stay in this relationship, what are some specific things that need to change? Hope some of these suggestions help. Good luck to you. Be well.Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

I think I have depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and I have anger issues. I told my mom over and over again. She told me she would get me a therapist, but she never did. I just found out that my mom can't afford a therapist for me.

It can be difficult to get counseling if you don't feel supported by family members.  There might be a few options.  If you are in school, I'd recommend talking to a school counselor or school nurse.  They often will be able to help you access free or affordable counseling resources in your community.  In addition, depending on where you live, it's also often possible to call 211 for referrals to free or low cost counseling services in your area.I'd encourage you not to give up. You are on the right track. 

I have a relative who is in his twenties. He was in a drug rehabilitation program and got kicked out for using drugs again. No one informed family that he was using drugs again. He subsequently overdosed and was found dead. Is their accountability of counselors, therapists or the halfway house for not reporting that he had relapsed? Is there a legal case for failing to report?

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.  This sounds like a really difficult situation for the whole family.  Since the answer to this question will depend a lot on the applicable state laws, I would suggest talking with a local attorney.  That being said, I see two competing issues here.  On the one side is the duty of confidentiality the counselors owed to your relative.  On the other side is the duty the counselors had to act reasonably to protect your relative from harm.  Generally there is not a requiremt for substance abuse treatment centers to notify family members if an adult client relapses.A local attorney will be able to provide more specific guidance on the legal obligtions and liabilities in this situation.

My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.

Hello! Thank you for your question. I have a worked with many people who have become addicted to benzodiazepines, like Clonazepam. It is a difficult road for people who are trying to become clean. It is also a very difficult road for those who love the person and are trying to be supportive. During those times, it is important to remember to take care of yourself, too. As for taking your friend's pills, my concern would be the legal ramifications that you could face should you ever be caught with someone else's prescription medication, and especially these types of medications. Our laws have become much more strict surrounding prescription drug sales and possession due to the increase in prescription drug abuse. In addition, people who are in active addiction are likely to find some other means to get their drug, so it would do little to help the overall problem. I don't know about your friend's family situation, but they may be a better route to take if you are concerned about your friend. They may already be involved, but with your help you may be able to convince your friend to go to treatment willingly. That is usually better. In many states, there are also involuntary committal processes where a person's family may be able to convince a court to force the person into treatment. This varies from state to state. If your friend's family is not aware of this option, it may be something to look into. It usually does take a relative, or a medical provider, to begin this process if it is available. I hope this was helpful, and I wish you and your friend well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

I'm concerned about my boyfriend. I suffer from anxiety, but I always have this feeling he wants to hurt me because he told me he was interested in BDSM intercourse. We haven't tried it, but I've had this feeling he always wants to.

Hello! Thank you for your question. There are few things that people find more personal than their sexual relationships. When we feel connected to our partner, sex can be best thing since sliced bread. However, if we feel disconnected in some way, sex can feel degrading and even painful. I don’t know the specifics about your relationship or how comfortable you are in talking to your boyfriend, but this is one of those situations where communicating your fears is a good idea. The only exception to that would be if you believe he is actually a threat to you in some way. If you believe that, then you should do whatever you think is safe. It sounds like there is a part of you that is already afraid of him, and if that is the case then remaining safe is your top priority. Assuming you are able to share with him your feelings, telling him what you are and are not interested in sexually is very appropriate and sexually healthy. Sex is something that is supposed to be enjoyable for all parties. All parties should feel respected and able to say “no” to absolutely anything they are not comfortable with. I call the respectful agreement between sexual partners, “sex trust.” Sex Trust means your partner respects your boundaries. It means they won’t degrade you sexually with hurtful words, forced sex, or forcing or coercing sex in ways someone is not interested in having.  Your personal safety and mental well-being is what is most important. Now, if there is a part of you that is curious about BDSM and may be interested in participating in it, there are many websites that you can explore to learn information. I will warn you, some websites and articles are better or worse than others, but you may at least feel more informed. Many people engage in BDSM and have happy relationships, but again, it completely depends on what each person in the relationship wants. It is also important to know that BDSM is not just one thing and people practice it differently based on comfort. If it is something you are uncomfortable with, then you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it.   I hope this was helpful. Be well.   Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

He isn't violent, but he has anger issues and deep insecurities. He's working on them and has improved. We started counseling, and he participated in one or two individual sessions, but we broke up again shortly thereafter. Now his constant questions and accusations are getting really draining.

Sometimes relationships just do not work.  Don't feel that the first, second, or even third relationship is the relationship you are suppose to be in for life.   The one that is meant for you will require work but should be be draining and a constant roller coaster of breaking up.  It is good you all went to counseling, but one or two sessions may not be enough to make and see a change in behavior.  It takes times and it takes both working toward the same goal.  I would suggest doing you...meaning focusing on your own growth at the time.  If he wants to grow with you, he will make the necessary steps.  If he doesn't...wish him well.

I have had a crush on this guy for years. I last talked to him a few years ago when we graduated from high school. We left off on a good note. Should I message him and see how he is doing, or is it too late?

It's never to late to let a person know how you feel.  You never know where it will take you.  You don't want to hold this regret of not letting your feelings known and wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.   That can be torturous.   Now prepare for whatever..if his feelings are the same or if they are not.  If they are the same...great.  If they are not, feel good that at least you let a person know they hold a special place in your life and wish him love, peace and happiness in his life. 

I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present.

Take one day at a time!!!  Each day do things that make you happy, moves to a positive place, focusing on the future, give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.  Journal at the end of the day of how well you did that day in focusing on these things.  Each day should be a step better than the previous day.  You will have days that you didn't do as well....that is human and OK.  Just get back on track the next day....At the end of the week, review how well you did and give your self a grade.  If did well, you deserve ice cream, etc.  If not so good, OK....tell yourself next week "got to focus one day at a time".  You can do it....it takes practice but will get better each day,  I wish you happy days and happy future...

I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends.

So many questions comes to mind when I read your words...Do you love yourself?  What do you LOVE about him?  What are you getting from this relationship that is good for you?  What are you lacking in yourself that you allow yourself to be treated this way?....I can go on..If you can answer these questions, maybe you will answer your own question of WHY are you with your husband or even better, WHY you ALLOW your husband to be mean, show no love, disrespect you?  You seem to lack self-worth...seek a professional to help you with this.

We don't have sex a lot. I cheat when we argue. I don't kiss or have unprotected sex with them. It's a one time thing, and I never see them twice.

Hello, and thank you for your question. The question about whether or not to cheat is based on personal values that can only be answered by you. However, here are a few things to consider and questions to ask yourself to help you find your answer: 1.     Do you feel like you are violating your own values or morals? This is important, because we all have different values and morals surrounding sex, love, and monogamy. If you value monogamous relationships and find yourself cheating on your partner, then you may feel like you are living in contradiction to your values, and most people are not happy when they do that. However, if monogamy is not something you value, then perhaps it is time to re-evaluate the relationship and determine if it is still right for you. Not all people want monogamous relationships, and that is alright. Finally, if you value your husband’s feelings and know that the affairs would hurt him, then your behaviors may again be in contrast to your own values. That can only be determined by you. 2.      Based on how you describe your relationship, it sounds like you are not very satisfied with the way it is.  From the outside, it looks like the affairs are a way to “get even” with your husband or to feel better after an argument. This is something that can happen when mutual respect starts to fade in a relationship and gets replaced with contempt. We can simply stop caring about how our actions hurt each other, or potentially hurt each other. Perhaps the question to ask here is, when you look out toward the future with your husband, is this the pattern that you want to keep? The pattern of very little sex, argument, and then satisfying the pain or dissatisfaction with affairs.  3.      What are your goals for this relationship? If we start to become disconnected in a relationship, we can begin to do things on autopilot. Get up, get the kids up, go to work, come home, and go to bed. None of which requires any intimacy at all. Are you still able to see the hopes and dreams you once had for this relationship?  4.      Have you considered seeking marital counseling? Not having affairs won’t actually fix the part of the relationship that is leading you to have them. If there is something broken, it sometimes requires some help to get it fixed.  Hopefully these questions and thoughts will help you come to some kind of conclusion about what is right for you and your relationship. I certainly wish you well.  Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends.

Hello, and thank you for your question. Loving someone who doesn’t respect or treat you well can be enormously difficult and painful. Many people who find themselves in an emotionally hurtful relationship say that it was wonderful when it first started, but that over time their partner’s behaviors changed and they became emotionally or physically abusive. I want to say right away that it is not your fault in any way if someone is abusive to you. It does not mean that you are broken or that there is something wrong with your character if you have not left the situation. People stay for many reasons, such as fear, finances, children, pressure from others, and love. Many people have had to leave their abusive partners who they still love to preserve their own safety and regain the sense of self they may have lost. It is a very difficult thing to do, even if you know it is the right thing. The person who really needs to take a hard look at themselves is the person doing the abusing. It is very common for mental and emotional abuse to wear away at someone’s self-esteem. This can lead to other problems, like depression and anxiety. These issues sometimes require professional support to manage, such as a counselor or perhaps a doctor who may prescribe medication. A counselor may be able to help you sort through your fears and concerns about staying or leaving. To look at things from different angles, and to help you decide what is best for you. You have not said that your husband has been physically abusive to you, but if that has been the case, then you must consider your physical safety first. Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time. Getting help from professionals would be critical, and I would recommend your local domestic violence program. Whatever you decide to do is the right thing for you. I would encourage you to ask yourself honestly about your reasons for staying and the barriers that may keep you from going. You do deserve to be happy and emotionally safe. If you do not feel like you have that safety, then seeking someone to help you sort through these things is a good plan. I wish you well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC  

My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.

First of all, where did you find the pills? Did you have to go into her private space or things to find them? If so, you might want to do some research on codependency. I recommend the book "The Everything Guide to Codependency." You can find it here: https://www.amazon.ca/The-Everything-Guide-Codependency-codependent/dp/1440573905 . It's not honest to go searching through someone's things. You dislike the deceit in her, so why model it in yourself?If the pills were just left out, that's a different story. Again though, model honesty. Talk to about what you found. Avoid being accusitory. A good old "I found these...what's going on with this?" might be a good place to start. Tell her how it makes you feel. Have you ever heard of "I statements?" Google this....you will find a lot of good templates on how to frame this conversation. At the end of the day though, these are her choices. Not yours. All you can do is tell her how you feel, make a few gentle suggestions, and get back to taking care of you. If it gets to the point where seeing her downward spiral is too much for you, let her know this and tell her you can no longer be involved, for the sake of your own health and sanity. There is nothing wrong with trying to help, but ask yourself, are you really being helpful? If you are starting to feel resentful, know that you have crossed the line into codependency and back away.Hope this helps and all the best,Aleisha

Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

Forgiveness takes time. You know what you did, and by the sounds of it you are not impressed with yourself. In my mind, this is a sign that you are a good person. You recognize that you did something that crossed your own moral code. You could have just done this thing and not felt anything - but you do feel. And that is OK. It's not supposed to feel good when you do something wrong.Be patient with yourself. These things can take time. I suspect that you will be one of those people who slowly let go of their shame and guilt. The trick is to feel the pain but to not ignore/detach from the life that you are living right now. Don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to feel joy again. 

My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications.

Your good intentions to help your friend stay clean, are very caring about her.Unless your friend feels like stopping pills,  taking them away will mean she finds them some place else.The problem that anyone who is addicted to pills has, is that the person is psychologically and at least with xanax, physically addicted.Taking pills has basically become a standard part of your friend's life.Her problem is bigger than your ability to care.If you haven't already done so, tell your friend directly about your opinion on the way she is using pills.This is not a guarantee that she'll stop.It isa way of you showing that you care about her.Offering love and advice are the only things you can do for her.Meanwhile, knowing she is hurting herself is probably hurting you.Be sure to keep a sense of balance within yourself.  Offer your concern and know she is the one who must decide to stop using.

I constantly feel like everyone is up against me and trying their best to shut me down. It's ruining my mood and even my whole self. I have trouble sleeping, and I keep having sleep paralysis while dreaming of others mocking and judging me.

The problem you describe sounds very wearing on your spirit.Are there particular reasons for why you feel everyone hates you?Have you been in a clash of ideas or opinions and feel yourself in the minority viewpoint?Or does your sense of being shut out start within your own mind, as though you anticipate that others will not like what you say?If actual conversations are leading you to feel left out, then evaluate whether to bring up certain points to the other person.Or, you may also decide that the relationships in which you feel shut out, are no longer worthwhile ones for you.If the problem is hesitating to interact because you imagine others will reject you, then maybe you can coach yourself into trying a small step toward introducing yourself and your thoughts to others.

My parents seem okay with other sexualities, but normally they only talk about being gay. When they do talk about bisexuality, they say things like “they'll do anything” or things that make me very uncomfortable because I am bisexual. I don't know if I am ready to come out to them.

Hello, and thank you for your question. Being bisexual can be particularly difficult because it is often misunderstood, even by people who are “supposed” to be part of your own community, such as lesbians and gays. It happens so often that there is actually a term for it –  bi-erasure. This is simply something that happens when people deny that bisexuality is a real thing, or discriminate against bisexuals due to beliefs like your parents seem to have. The unfortunate truth is that you can never be sure of how you parents may take this kind of information. It sounds promising that they are accepting of other sexual orientations, and it may simply be that your parents lack education about bisexuality. With accurate information, they may come around, but there is no way to be sure. Some of my colleagues have already given you good information. Here are some more things that you can consider and questions you can ask yourself before making the decision to tell them:   1.      If they don’t respond the way you want them to, have you developed a support system to support you through it? This is very important. The truth is that all the friends in the world won’t prevent pain or sadness if your parents don’t respond as you hope, but they will at least be there to remind you that you ARE okay as you are. And that is critical for you to remember.   2.      There is great information on the internet about bisexuality that you can offer your parents if you think it would be helpful. It may be important for them to know the kind of damage that is being done to bisexual adults and young people because of the myths surrounding bisexuality. Here is an article from GLAAD about bi-erasure: http://www.glaad.org/bisexual/bierasure   3.      Coming out to people is obviously deeply personal and should only take place when you are ready. Sometimes people get pressured from friends, media, and even people they are romantically involved with to come out before they are ready. It really is up to you. If you are feeling pressure from others, don’t feel bad about setting your boundaries and telling them that you will come out on your own time. Intimate partners should respect you enough to understand this.   4.      Something else to think about is your own comfort in being bisexual. Just because someone is LGBTQ doesn’t mean that they necessarily want to be. Many people struggle with this. Having your own doubts or insecurities may also play a part in how comfortable you are in telling your parents. So, perhaps do some self-exploration about your feelings toward yourself.   Sometimes people take friends with them when they decide to come out to their parents. This is something you may want to consider. The important thing to remember is that you are okay. Really. If your parents don’t respond well, that doesn’t mean that they never will. Some start off upset, but then work their way through it. Best of luck to you. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like they just want nothing to do with me.

It sounds like you have the perception that people are frequently disappointed in you, wish you were different or someone else, and ultimately reject you. One question I would have for you is what is your evidence that people feel this way? Is there anything in people's words or behaviors that gives you this impression? If your not sure, it may be useful for you to try to notice what people say and do in response to you, even though you perceive these attitudes within them. Additionally, working with a competent therapist may be a great way to get an answer to your question as well as developing ways to move forward with that answer and gain a sense of self-esteem and security in your relationships.One possibility that comes to mind, of which there may be more, is that as we grow up, we often develop relational templates, or sets of expectations about how people are and will relate to us, which influence our experiences and behavior in relationships. Sometimes the templates that we develop to stay connected growing up are not particularly adaptive for adult life and can hamper our self-esteem and capacity for comfortable intimacy as an adult. You ask a great question here, and one that can be very hard to see through, given the difficulty of feeling that people think of you in this way, and I hope that you will stay curious about this and consider working with a therapist who is trained to help you discover the answer.

I'm a teenage girl, and my dad is an alcoholic. I hate being at home with him because he just stresses me out. He can be picking me up from basketball practice or piano lessons, and half of the time, I don't even know if he's sober or not. I refuse to get into the vehicle with him and walk home sometimes. I've either been barely sleeping or I over sleep, so I'm always tired. I live in a small town, so there's no one I can really talk to because I'm not really that close with my family.

Hello, and thank you for your question. You are clearly a resourceful young person to reach out like this to find help. Good for you. I have a few ideas and perhaps some other counselors will add some thoughts, too. First, good for you for taking care of yourself and making really good decisions – such as not getting into the car with dad when he is intoxicated. It is really important that you consider your safety above all else. To answer your heading question, yes, it is quite common for people to blame themselves for other people’s actions. There are various reasons why we do this. For one thing, someone may tell us that their behaviors are our fault. And depending on things like our relationship to that person, past experiences, and our self-esteem, we may actually start to believe it. What is important to remember is that your parents have the responsibility to be sure that you are safe and cared for, not the other way around. As for the other things you mentioned, I am concerned about both your physical and emotional safety and well-being. It sounds like your father has an alcohol abuse problem, and living with someone who is struggling with addiction can be hard for anyone, let alone a teenager who is also trying to deal with things like school. You may want to see if your school has a counselor or someone you can talk to about what is going on. I will tell you that in some states, what you have told me may be something that a counselor would have to report to child protection services, but not necessarily. If you are concerned about that, ask the counselor what they are obligated to report. If you don’t know a counselor, think about any other adult that you would feel comfortable talking to. They may have some ideas. Sometimes individual states have non-profit chat lines or hotlines for teens to call if they are struggling with things. You may be able to find something like that in your state. I do warn your about doing random searches, not every website is good, so be careful. This is clearly a tough spot for you to be in, so one of the things that I encourage you to do while searching for support is to focus on taking care of yourself. Sometimes things like this can really bring us down and we stop doing the things we enjoy. Try really hard not to let that happen. If you have interests, do them. If you catch yourself thinking too hard about things, try to find something fun to do to distract yourself. Try to take care of yourself in other ways, such as eating well. Exercise can really help when we get stressed. I hope some of this was helpful. Good luck.   Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

Something happened this summer that I cannot forgive myself for. When I think about what happened, I feel ashamed and guilty even though my loved ones forgave me.

Hello, and thank you for your question. Guilt is one of those things that nearly everyone has experienced at one time or another, and it can feel like a huge weight around your neck. Unfortunately, it is unlikely that we can give you some words of wisdom that will make it all go away. However, I will give you some ideas and hopefully this will help.One of the things that we know about guilt is that it doesn't usually do much to help us in the long-run. People may make changes for a short-term period of time because they feel guilty about something they did, but usually they will go back to their old behaviors if they don't have something else to help them change permanently, such as a new skill. So, guilt doesn't necessarily help us. In fact, as I write this someone out there is eating an entire key lime pie because they feel guilty about falling off their diet. Someone may be drinking alcohol because they feel guilty about drinking alcohol. For whatever reason, this is just a common thing that we do. Now accountability is different than guilt. Accountability can actually be constructive.  When you hold yourself accountable you can admit that you have done something wrong. That it hurt others and you deeply regret it. That you are prepared to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. That you have done what you can to make amends, if necessary. That you are sorry. And then you move on. Why is moving on necessary? Well, for one thing, it doesn't usually help the people who you hurt. In fact, someone's guilty behavior may serve to remind the people who were hurt, over and over again, about what happened. Guilt is usually 100% about us, and not about those we hurt. Also, guilt can lead us to behave in ways that may even hurt people more. Having said all of that, guilt is a normal human emotion. Sometimes we experience it for a while and it goes away. Sometimes we need help to work through it. There are many self-help books about forgiving yourself. You can try Amazon to find some, or consider getting help from a counselor. Be well,Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

I'm in love with my own gender, and my parents are against that. I don't know how to tell them because I'm afraid they'll not want me anymore.

Hello, and thank you for your question. This is one of those times when you wish you could assure someone that everything will go perfectly, but unfortunately I can't do that. There is no way of knowing how parents might respond until you tell them. The truth is that people have come out to their parents in many different ways. Some have told their parents directly, some drop hints, some have had others tell their parents, etc. The only "right" way to come out is the one that you choose. The one that feels right to you. That is the best way. Some people decide not to come out, and some wait for a very long time. Both of these things are okay. Coming out is deeply personal, and there can be real consequences to someone's emotional health and safety if they tell the wrong person. That is why it should only be done when you are ready. When you feel that you have the emotional and personal support that you need to take the risk. Sometimes people can feel pressured to come out, but I encourage you to do it in your own time. The truth is, there is a spectrum of how people's parents react to this kind of news. On one end, you may have the parents who shut a person out and are abusive, and on the opposite side you may have parents that are totally okay with it and throw you a "Coming Out" party. Most parents are going to fall somewhere in the middle. It is important to remember that their feelings may change over time. Many parents struggle at first, but they love their kids and get better with it over time. If you decide to tell them, consider taking someone along to support you. Plan ahead on what you want to say. It can be an emotional time, so do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you need to, leave. You don't have to stay anywhere where someone is being cruel to you. I wish you well, and good luck.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

I've had posttraumatic stress disorder for years without my parents ever finding out. I want to overcome it, but it’s so vivid, it’s like it’s happening again. I'm scared and paranoid. I have depression, which I have been struggling with since a young age.

I understand that at times it’s difficult to share with our parents what we have been trough, due to fear of judgment or punishment; but I have noticed that keeping our experiences secret, intensifies them.  And Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can haunt us for a long time if we do not learn to process the memories that cause those symptoms.  If you have been victim of a traumatic event that you are not prepared to share with your parents, it’s important that you seek help with a counselor, therapist or psychologist.  Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great technique to cope with physical symptoms, you could also use Narrative therapy, Creative Therapy or Journaling as a way to express memories and process them with your therapist.  A psychiatrist can also prescribe medication to manage the symptoms, but is very important that you address the trauma so you can heal and go back to live your life.   Many organizations like the United Way (2-1-1 in many states) offer resources and referrals to put you in touch with mental health providers, you could also talk to your school counselor, doctor or church to find referral that could help. Tip: You don’t have to tell you story to each person you ask for help, you can just start by asking for a counselor referral. ¿Cómo puedo superar el Desorden de Estrés Post Traumático sin que mis padres se enteren?Comprendo que muchas veces puede ser difícil compartir nuestras experiencias con nuestros padres, muchas veces por miedo a que nos juzguen o castiguen; pero he observado cómo mantener un secreto, lo vuelve más fuerte y difícil de manejar.   El Desorden de Estrés Post Traumático puede ser una condición que nos persigue por mucho tiempo si no aprendemos a procesar las memorias que causan esos síntomas.  Si has sido víctima de un trauma que tal vez no estás listo(a) para compartir con tus padres, es importante que busques la ayuda de algún consejero profesional, terapista o sicólogo.  La Terapia Cognitiva Conductual enfocada en el Trauma, es una técnica que te ayudara a manejar muchos de los síntomas, también puedes utilizar diarios o Terapia Narrativa o creativa, para expresar memorias y procesarlas luego en terapia.  Un Psiquiatra también te puede proveer medicamentos que ayudan a manejar los síntomas del Estrés Post Traumático, pero es importante que atiendas el problema inicial para poder sanar por completo y volver a tomar las riendas de tu vida.   Muchas organizaciones como los Fondos Unidos (2-1-1 en muchos estados) tiene recursos que proveen referidos a consejeros o profesionales de la salud mental.  También puedes preguntarle a tu consejero escolar, doctor o en la iglesia.   Sugerencia: No tienes que contarle a todos tu problema, solo pide que te recomienden a un consejero o terapista. 

I have had a crush on this guy for years. I last talked to him a few years ago when we graduated from high school. We left off on a good note. Should I message him and see how he is doing, or is it too late?

You'll only find out whether or not it is "too late", by following through with wanting to message him.Regardless of whether the response you receive is what you'd hoped to hear, including not hearing back from him, you will have done yourself a great honor and respect by following through on a wish and curiosity you've had for some time.

I'm having a quinceañera, and the girls don't like their dresses. They never told me, and now it's a week away. I don't know what to do.

How did you find out that the girls aren't happy with their dresses?Did you hear this directly from one of them or is this third hand information that someone else told you about one of the girls in your party?The answer matters because gossiping instead of directly telling you about a problem, is a problem in itself.I suggest a conversation with the entire group of girls in which you tell them how you actually are feeling about their opinions about the dresses.One topic you may consider bringing up is what everyone expects to get out of the party.  Are they coming because they like one another and wearing a dress in which the girl is happy, is only one way of having fun together?You may learn a great deal as to the difference in values about a quinceaña among you and your friends.I hope you'll have a fun party!

He isn't violent, but he has anger issues and deep insecurities. He's working on them and has improved. We started counseling, and he participated in one or two individual sessions, but we broke up again shortly thereafter. Now his constant questions and accusations are getting really draining.

From what you write, you're not too happy with how your boyfriend treats you and how he handles his own life.What keeps you feeling connected to him in positive ways?If you're truly not happy most of the time in this relationship, then you're at the time of asking why you'd want to remain in a relationship which is draining.

I feel like every time I do something someone asks me to, I never fully meet what they want. I feel that when I finish it, they always think that they should have picked someone else to do it. I feel like they just want nothing to do with me.

As long as you try to reach others expectations you will never feel satisfied or accepted.  How about setting your own expectations for self and strive for those.  Make sure your expectations are reachable and realistic.

I got sick really bad and was throwing up for three days and nights. I thought I was going to die. Then about a week later, I started having this desire to be female. I never had this desire before. All I can think about is being a woman. I don't get pleasure from my penis anymore either. Women are attractive, but not like before. I can also find men attractive now. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone.

Hello, and thank you for reaching out to ask for help. Surely this is a very confusing time for you! If you have never had these feelings and desires it could certainty shake everything you thought you knew about yourself. My guess is that you becoming sick around the time that this started is likely a coincidence, but I understand how you would make the connection. I have a feeling that a few things may be going on here. It is really hard to say since I don’t know you, how old you are, etc. But, I will share you with you some thoughts. Some people, when they have undesirable thoughts that really surprise them, have a really tough time getting rid of them. Our reaction to the thought can be very strong and our tendency to try to block it out, stuff it, avoid it, etc. is not always successful. In fact, it’s usually not. It’s like telling you not to think of pink elephants. I would be willing to bet that you thought of a pink elephant just now. So, rather than fighting thoughts that you find confusing, sometimes it is helpful to allow yourself to explore the thought with curiosity and without judgement. Where is this thought coming from? What are my feelings about it? Asking yourself these questions may help you come to a resolution about what is going on. One possibility is that you have developed an anxiety about your thoughts and now you are in the process of obsessing about them, but another possibility is that you are legitimately exploring your sexuality and gender. I get the feeling from your question that you do not want to believe that it is second possibility. And that is okay. You can try some of my suggestions, but you can also see a counselor who may be able to help you work through your confusion. I would suggest someone who has experience working with sexuality issues. You can usually find out what a counselor works with on their website. What is important is that you find someone who is non-judgmental about what you are experiencing.   I wish you well. Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC  

Last year, I just always felt hopeless. I don't have a great relationship with my sister. I lost my mother recently, and that really added to my sadness. My sister always brings up how I was never close to my mother.

Wow what a painful journey you have been in for a long time. Death and grief bring up so many painful reminders of relationships--what they could have been, never were, and what was lost. With death of a family member the family often falls apart for a while... or longer. I hope you can find some support for you and your pain that was occurring before your mom's passing. I also hope you can find someone to help you set boundaries with your sister so you can have your time (as long as you need) to heal from losing your mom and then later figure out how to interact with your sister.

It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first.

Anger is a normal emotion, and yet it is a really hard one... how much is too much? and how do you express it without damaging those around you? yes mom's get angry, sometimes too easy... but its their responsibility to manage their anger-- get their own support and put themselves in time outs when they cannot handle it well.  Since you are the kids, you shouldn't have to fix or calm down mom's anger. Maybe in a calmer time when you guys are being silly talk with her one on one? Tell her  you are feeling sad and hurt that she gets upset at you girls. Ask her if there is 1 thing you can work on this next month to help her. Ask her if she would work on 1 thing for you this month-- not yelling? taking a time out? telling you before she blows her top so you can exit the room? Also for you, check out a library book on anger so you know how to handle yours, and one on parents and anger. Number one to remember, if you don't feel safe, if she is calling you names, or hurting you, breaking things etc. make sure you go to a trusted adult--school counselor, neighbor, aunt, church friend as soon as possible. You are much too important to be hurt and if mom is out of control, someone else needs to be --caring for you.

I am in my mid 30s. I feel I have used only 5% of my potential. I am in film making, but everything is stuck. I've never had a serious relationship. I had worthless jobs. I do a lot of meditation to try to fix it.

Being stuck in life is difficult, especially when you are feeling it in many different areas of your life. So you if you are ready for a change... time to make one! Make a list of the resources in your area--community colleges, friends, free classes, volunteer opportunities etc. Make a list of your passions and absolute "no way" things in life. Make a 5 year plan... where do you want to be in 5 years... then start breaking it down ... what do I need to do this year to make it to next year. Break that down into months... check in with friends/families/co workers etc to see what they see in you both good and bad. Take a deep breath and choose 1 thing to work on to get better in life according to them. Seek out any free training/counseling on career changes and life changes. You already began this by asking this forum for help Awesome! Use the peace and calm you find in meditation to spring board you to make some changes in your behavior--try new things, change poor choices etc. Use the meditation to give you peace while you make the changes. Good Luck!

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me.

Paranoid is a mental disorder word.  That is a strong word I think to use in this situation.  Honestly the bottom like is either you don't trust him for some reason or you are insecure with yourself.  Which is it?  Do some soul searching to help you figure which one it is.   Work on either discussing why you don't trust him and work on building that trust ....or why you feel you are not good enough and work on that.

i was addicted to porn since the second grade. I'm in my early 40s and overcame my addiction during my separation from my wife of 15 years.

The person who can answer this question is the person you want to rebuild that trust with.  They are the only one who can tell you what it will take for them to trust you again.  What they tell you may seem hard or impossible but unfortunately that is what THEY need.  It is up to you if you feel and know you can provide what they request. 

I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic. Can I fix this by myself?

I will not say that you can't but I will say it will be much harder and the time may take much longer.  Getting help and having someone to be there with you through the ups and down of PTSD makes the journey much easier. 

My son claims that hes been having extremely violent thoughts and dreams. Not violent like he's hurting someone, but violent thoughts like horrible things happening to his loved ones. He explained one of his dreams the other day and it was so violent it was sickening. It was far beyond anything in a horror movie, he says he can't help these thoughts they just pop up. Please help!

If your son is reporting "extremely violent thoughts and dreams" please have an psychological evaluation done by a psychiatrist now before it gets even worse for him to bare.  Don't take his reports lightly.  For him  to tell you, he knows that something is not right.  He is seeking and needing help.  Get it immediately.  Best to be safe than sorry.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me.

Have you spoken to him about your fears? Perhaps you can explain this feeling to him and let him know what might lead to feeling more secure.  Also, it is important to trust your intuition!  Perhaps there are good reasons to feel concerned. It may not be paranoia - it may be based in reality!  

What should I do when we see each other?

I am so sorry this happened.  Sharing a part of your private life without your permission can be so painful.  I might suggest (depending on your relationship) reaching out to your sister and discussing this (or setting boundary that you don't want to discuss your private life).  I might also speak with your wife and share how hurt you are and what you need to happen moving forward to begin to heal.  

I have been noticing myself really enjoying watching/reading about gay or lesbian couples. I've also been imagining what it might be like to date a girl, and I like the idea. I also find guys cute too. Does this make me bisexual?

Hello!  Thank you for your question.  Exploring your sexual orientation and attraction is a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself!  I would be curious to know what feelings you might have related to the possibility of being bi; What messages you may have received related to this orientation and any concerns you have about possible sexual orientations.  

I feel like I was born in the wrong body I feel like I should be a girl not a boy Ever since I was young, I have wanted to be a girl. I felt like what I was wasn’t me. I want to know what I can do about it. My family is against transgender people and don't want anything to do with them. I want to be “me.” I feel as if I'll be happy then. I don't look in mirrors, and I don't like my reflection. Recently, I have been taking things to help even though they were not prescribed. I know I should have this handled by a professional.

Hi. Do you have any opportunity to work with a therapist?  It sounds like it might be really great to explore these feelings. If you aren't able to, there are many awesome gender work books available that you could use to explore your thoughts and feelings. Also - google "ask a gender therapist" - so many amazing video blogs to answer many questions!  Good luck!

It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first.

You are very wise for a young person. You have already figured out that other people's behaviours...how they treat you...it's not about you...it's about them. I love that you don't blame yourself for your mom's behaviours. It's not your fault. She's getting upset because she doesn't know how to manage her emotions, and these emotions have to do with her past and her present stress. You're just the trigger. Yes, this is normal, but it's not necessary. She can find another way to manage her "stuff".Unfortunately, you can't help your mom a whole lot or even help her recognize this. But for yourself... remembering that her behaviours are her issue is the biggest piece of "dealing with it". You can always try some new strategies when you talk to mom...you can say "I'll listen you better if you don't bring up past stuff", or "I'm worried about you mom. You seem stressed", or even "I don't like the way you talk to me". Good luck!

I am currently suffering from erectile dysfunction and have tried Viagra, Cialis, etc. Nothing seemed to work. My girlfriend of 3 years is very sexually frustrated. I told her that it is okay for her to have sex with other men. Is that really okay?

Hello, and thank you for your question. I completely agree with Dr. Zehner. Many couples are in open-type or polyamorous relationships where one or both partners engage in sexual relationships with others. The key thing about this is that it really does have to be something that both people are okay with. Now, as Dr. Zehner indicated, what may be okay today may not feel okay tomorrow, so good communication is essential. The truth is, even in polyamorous relationships where partners are in agreement, jealousy does sometimes happen. Here is a good article about polyamorous relationships and the issue of jealousy: http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/polyamorous-dealing-jealousy/This site has many other articles about polyamory. If you type in "polyamory" in their search box, you will find some good information. I wish you well,Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating.

Hello!I write to respond to your recent inquiry for possible increase in self-esteem and positive behavioral change regarding motivation for a new job. First of all, please try to allow yourself some time for grief of the loss of your dear grandmother. It appears you were close to her in many ways and she had a great influence in your life. The grief process of anger, denial, despair and acceptance may be a part of what is keeping you feeling "stuck" in a cycle of not feeling motivated to find work at this time.  Perhaps your mind is constantly fighting this grief? Death can be a "traumatic" experience for some people and is considered a great loss, thus the grief process may continue to be a part of your world for a time but hopefully not keep you "stuck" on a long-term basis.  I would try to reach out to a counselor to discuss this grief process at a deeper level to discern whether her death is part of why you feel this way.  Grief and loss can also have an effect on your self-esteem.  Can you begin to see how this cycle is what you may be experiencing? One positive I see is that you are continuing to look for a new job!  Take time to give yourself some credit for the  time you are spending looking for work.  Also, I would recommend you set some short-term goals first for example, make a list of 5-10 potential new employers and send them each your resume. Then followup the next week with an email or phone call to make sure the hiring manager or human resources received your resume and have any questions.  It is also a good idea to ask for "informational interviews" in order to get your foot in the door, so to speak.I hope that this information is helpful to you!  Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.Warmly,Denise

My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my mental health.

How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?Communication with our loved ones can be tricky, but it is the key to maintaining a healthy and functional relationship with them. At times, it seems difficult to communicate with our family because many feelings and “undercover” messages are attached. Especially with our mothers, who often provide advice and feel responsible for us, it may feel like they are making everything about themselves as they express their worries and concerns.So what to do? First will be important to practice active listening skills, to ensure that you are receiving and understanding the message, without filtering it trough your own emotions or preconceptions of the person who speaks.  Second, learn and practice assertive communication skills.  Those will help you to communicate a message clearly and in pieces.  It also emphasizes using I-statements to express how you feel at times when emotions become affected by the interaction.  Third, you should practice, by writing your I-statement or role playing with your counselor.   The trick with communication skills is that we need to practice them as often as possible until you to master them.  You can also contact a family therapist to improve those skills if it becomes challenging, or contact a mediator if more issues arise.¿Cómo puedo lograr que mi mamá me escuche sin alarmarse tanto?La comunicación con nuestros seres queridos puede ser dificultosa, pero es la clave para mantener relaciones saludables y funcionales con ellos.  A veces, nos parece aun más difícil comunicarnos con nuestra familia, porque hay muchos sentimientos y mensajes envueltos en la comunicación.  Especialmente nuestras  madres,  pueden hacer parecer que están convirtiendo el asunto en algo personal, cuando se sienten preocupadas y responsables por nosotros y nuestras acciones.¿Y qué hacemos?  Primero debemos aprender a escuchar activamente, para asegurarnos de que comprendemos el mensaje, y que no lo estemos filtrando a través de nuestras emociones e ideas de la otra persona. Segundo, aprende y practica comunicación asertiva.  Esto te ayudara a comunicar un mensaje claramente y en pedazos.  También te ayudar a aprender expresiones del Yo, para identificar sentimientos afectados durante la interacción.  Tercero, es importante que practiques estas destrezas, ya sea escribiendo o con tu consejero.  El secreto está en practicar las técnicas de comunicación cuantas veces sea posible, hasta que las uses espontáneamente.  Si tienes dificultad aprendiendo estas técnicas, o el conflicto con tu mama es uno muy difícil de resolver, puedes contactar un consejero o mediador familiar para que te asista. 

Me and my adult daughter just do not get along. She's very belittling to me when I don't agree with her. It's almost like she scolds me. We get into all out war. She's said I don't support her in what she does and that I've never loved her. She calls me horrible names, and she pushes my buttons to the point I call her names.

As frustrating and probably hurtful as your daughter's comments sound, there's also a message in them about how she genuinely feels.To some degree, your daughter and you may both feel similarly misunderstood by the other.Developing ways of listening and talking to one another to better understand how you each feel, would probably help a lot.One major point to be aware, is that the mother/daughter relationship dynamic, because it is strong, may slow the new dynamic of relating as two adults.Watch for your own tendency to expect your daughter to consider you as a parenting authority, instead of considering her as a grown person.The same is true of your daughter.  She may need to remind herself to talk to you as the adult she is.Her needs from you are real, they just need to be spoken to you in an adult way.

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?

From whom do you get anti-depressants?This person should be talking with you to know whether the pills are helping or not.Trust your own instinct that the pills aren't helping you.Pills work differently for everyone and not all people feel better from them.It is also possible the particular pills have lost their effectiveness because after around six to eight months, this usually happens.Try to understand what is depressing you.  This is slow work since you may have many theories.Just by addressing your own emotional needs and life structure in a caring and respectful way, may improve your mood so that you'll feel less depressed.

I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me?

Yes, your former social worker should return your phone call.It is the professional ethic to do so and plain human decency to do so.If he doesn't, there is nothing you can directly do about the fact of his ignoring you.There are formal complaints you can make, which you can consider doing.What matters most is receiving social work service.Stick with looking for another social worker who is willing to help you.The self-doubts you mention may be worth examining.They do not, however excuse the social worker mishandling himself.

My long-term girlfriend broke up with me recently. She says it's because of my anger.

I need help controlling my anger.Anger is like a blanket that contains other emotion from bursting out and serves as a shield to protect us when we are not able to manage external issues.   Anger also helps us understand that there’s something wrong that needs to change.  Once we understand that something else caused us to feel angry, then we can explore the source of anger. Ask yourself: Why am angry, Am I hurt, disappointed, confused, embarrassed etc.?  Once you find the answer, explore how often that happens and what’s your reaction.  Then explore how else you could respond or react.  You could use I-statements as a way to communicate your true feelings to your girlfriend or whoever is involved in the scenario.  This is a good exercise to practice with your Counselor or mental health provider because many unresolved issues may arise during this exploration, especially if you have been angry for a long timeAlso, it is important to understand the difference between anger and aggression and learn to manage our anger before we act on it.  Anger is a feeling; aggression is when you act out your anger physically, verbally and psychologically.  Find ways to vent: crying or sweating will help to release your anger, and balance the chemical response that our body creates when you become angry.  Physical activity and meditation exercises can also provide a break when you manage strong emotions.Necesito ayuda para controlar mi coraje.El coraje es como una manta que cubre otras emociones evitando que se desborden y sirve como un escudo que nos protege cuando no podemos manejar problemas externos.  El coraje también nos ayudo a entender que hay algo mal que debemos cambiar.  Cuando entendemos que algo mas causo el coraje entonces podemos explorar la fuente.Pregúntate a ti mismo: ¿Por qué tengo coraje, estoy herido, decepcionado, confundido, avergonzado, etc.?  Ya que encuentres la respuesta, explora cuan frecuente tienes esa reacción.  Luego explora como puedes reaccionar en otra ocasión.  Puedes usar expresiones del Yo para comunicar tus verdaderos sentimientos a la persona envuelta en la situación.  Esto es un buen ejercicio para practicar con tu Consejero o profesional de la salud mental ya que otros conflictos sin resolver pueden surgir durante este proceso de exploración.También es importante entender la diferencia entre el coraje y la agresión, y aprender a manejar el coraje antes que actuemos.  El coraje es un sentimiento y la agresión es cuando expresas tu coraje agrediendo a alguien, física, emocional o sicológicamente.  Encuentra maneras de desagotare, llorar o sudar te pueden ayudar en este proceso al balancear la respuesta química que crea el cuerpo cuando estamos molestos.  El la actividad física y la meditación también pueden ayudarte a relajarte y tomar un descanso cuando manejas emociones fuertes.

How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions. Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application.

I'm sorry to hear about that situation. If the woman was your therapist (or had been at one time), this could represent a significant ethical violation when she created a dual relationship with you.Even if you were not her client, this might still be an ethical violation. Counselors are held to a high standard of conduct and honesty at all times.In a situation like this you might consider filing a complaint with the state regulatory board.

Can a counselor take sides with one parent and allow a parent to order the child to tell the counselor "every detail" about what happened during the other parent’s visitation in order to help build a case for child custody?

<!--[if gte mso 9]> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priorit

I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way?

It is normal to seek other’s attention and noticing that some people would not be interested.  After all, we belong to a social environment where we constantly receive other’s feedback, which at times validates us, makes feel important and useful, like we belong; but also at times makes us feel isolated, different and neglected, which we could interpret as hate.The key is to be aware of what you think about what people think of you.   Got it?  This part can be tricky at times, because, what others think about us does not really affect us, what really affects us is what we decide to believe, internalize, and make our reality.  For example, I could choose to ignore a person’s comment about me, or I could decide to focus on it all day, analyze why they said that and what have I done to them to get to that conclusion.  Eventually, since we became so focused on that thought, we may end up believing that what the other person said about us was true, even if we did not agree to begin with.So how can we fix this?  Awareness is the key!  It is important that you understand the way you internalize external inputs, like comments, and to go through a process of discarding negative ones.  It is also helpful to talk to your counselor about how you process feedback and validation so you learn to balance your positive traits from negatives and how that affects your relationships and self-esteem.¿Cómo me puede importar menos lo que la gente piensa?Siempre siento la necesidad de impresionar a otros, ya sea mi familia, la gente de la escuela o extraños.  Y sé que no importa lo que haga o cuanto haga, siempre habrá personas que me odian.  ¿Por qué me siento así?Es común que busquemos la atención de otros y notemos que algunas personas no están interesadas.  Después de todo pertenecemos a un ambiente social donde constantemente recibimos comentarios, que a veces nos validan, alagan y nos hacen sentir como parte importante y funcional de la sociedad; pero en otros momentos nos hacen sentir aislados, ignorados y diferentes, lo cual lo pudiéramos interpretar como odio.La clave es estar conscientes de lo que pensamos que los otros piensan de nosotros. ¿Me sigues?  Esta parte puede ser algo confusa, porque lo que piensan otras personas de nosotros, no nos afecta directamente, lo que si nos afecta es lo que decidimos creer que otras personas piensan de nosotros; y luego lo internalizamos y hacemos parte de nuestra vida.  Por ejemplo,  podemos decidir ignorar lo que una persona dice de nosotros, o podemos decidir enfocarnos en ello todo el día, analizando en detalle porque lo dijeron y que hemos hecho para hacer que ellos piensen así. Eventualmente nos enfocamos tanto en ese pensamiento, que terminamos creyendo que es verdad, aun cuando originalmente no lo creíamos así.¿Entonces como lo arreglamos? La clave es concientización.  Es importante entender la manera en que internalizamos las opiniones de otros, y que pasemos por un proceso de discriminación, donde descartemos los comentarios negativos, hasta que aprendamos a ignorarlos. También ayudaría hablar con un Consejero sobre como internamente validas y descartas los comentarios y opiniones externas, y como eso puede estar afectando tus relaciones y tu autoestima.  

When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.

You are in an abusive relationship-not because of your boyfriend's silences but because he is comfortable being sarcastic and hurtful, never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. It is your choice to participate in an abusive relationship. You can not stop an abusive partner from being abusive no matter how wonderfully you treat your partner. You can either accept the terrible relationship as it is or reach out for the support that you need to leave the abusive relationship. I wish you well, always.

I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

Your challenge is called "co-dependency." People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.

I'm a guy. If I don't like girls, nor do I like guys, does that mean I'm gay?

No, it does not necessarily.  Your sexual preference is based on who you ARE attracted to, not what does not turn you on.  If you find you have no sex drive at all, this is called asexual.  But you did not mention what you do find arrousing either.  Hope this helps.

I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me.

Have you sought the support of a therapist really qualified in working through sexual trauma? It can take some work, but healing is possible. If you feel able to, it may also help to open a dialogue with your boyfriend about what you need from him when you have these flashbacks. Let him know what some helpful responses may be. 

I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it.

We humans are social beings. We learn how to BE in relationship as children. The caregiving you received (or didn't receive) set the stage for how you show up in all your adult relationships. Insecurity in relationships often has much to do with feeling unheard or unseen, perhaps feeling like you don't matter. There are many ways to rewire these relational patterns, the first step of which is taking pause and noticing that you are feeling insecure - so congrats on that because clearly you are already there!  Next I'd suggest finding a relationship therapist to help you sort through your insecurities, either as a couple or individually. 

I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.Congratulations on ending your relationship!

I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it.

How did you come to the conclusion that you are acting needy?Is this what your partner told you or are you feeling this way about yourself?The difference is that what you'd like from a relationship may be very reasonable, only that your partner is not someone who wants to meet your needs.One way of evaluating whether you're actually needy is whether you feel that you give yourself love, take good care of yourself when you're in situations that are not connected to being part of a couple.If being by yourself feels uneasy most of the time, then probably practicing self-love, consciously treating yourself with consideration and thoughtfulness, may help you feel less needy of others.This way, when you're with a partner, the time together will be in enjoying the partner, not getting love because of not figuring out a way of giving love to yourself.

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?

Certainly counselling can help. however, there is a caveat, namely, you will need the right counsellor with the right approach. This leads to two questions: 1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor, and 2) What is the right approach?1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor? The right counsellor will almost certainly have a lot of experience. He or she will have done a lot personal work and have an ongoing practice of inner work both on their own and with the support of an experienced therapist. This person will be viewing you as a human being with challenges, not as a diagnostic category. He or she will be willing to work with you over an extended period of time and have experience doing such work. Further they will be well versed in approaches that are responsive to you in the moment and overall. The in-depth work will be collaborativel designed in an ongoing way that is responsive to you, the moment, your overall life experience, and their in-the-moment experience. It goes without saying that you will subjectively evaluate the felt sense of connection with this person and the feeling that they are invested in their work with you, value you as a human being, and value the connection. As well, it is crucial that you feel this connection and that your therapist 'gets you.' 2) What is the right approach?  As Carl Jung stated, "When the doctor sits down with the patient he (or she) must drop all theories and learn the theory of this person." The approach must include a bond between you and your therapist that is in a continuous process of development, attention to pre-verbal imprinting, development of awareness ability, ongoing development of the ability to attend to and stay with inner experience, development of a process orientation, attention to egoic structures that were seeded from the earliest days in the service of perceptions of threats to needs being met, identification of current egoic states and work with these inner selves and their relationship with each other to facilitate movement from developmental points of arrest, increased ability to access and contain non-ordinary states of consciousness, attending to what is, and working with this in the service of moving towards optimal human development.depression is generally experienced as the system shutting down. anxiety is a signal that something is wrong. anxiety is not the problem. it is a sign that there is a problem. the core of these issues is a lack of inner security that is the outcome of insufficient bonding. the work of psychotherapy is to establish an environment and relationship that will facilitate work with the bonding ruptures and re-initiation of the developmental process that stopped at an early stage.

I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic. Can I fix this by myself?

When it comes to trauma, especially in the event that it has caused you to develop PTSD, there can be a lot of difficulty in attempting to resolve these issues on your own simply because of how strong your urge to avoid it whenever thoughts of the traumatic experience come up. PTSD is best treated with the help of a mental health professional and if using the Cognitive Processing Approach can be treated in as few as 17 weeks. As for your other concerns, many of these can be treated independently if you have the motivation to manage your way through. Panic attacks and depression, specifically, often respond well to self-help treatment manuals. The Centre for Clinical Interventions is a great online resource for workbooks to help you learn to manage the depression and panic attacks. Whether you decide to work through these concerns on your own or in professional therapy, just know that your panic attacks must be managed prior to addressing your trauma. Hope this is helpful and if you have any other questions don't hesitate to ask.

I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

 A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or  in an effort to desensitize us to it.  If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider  what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way.  Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma  of what you went through needs to be addressed.  it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that.  You may want to  begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e.  Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being  " The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship ",  or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.)  These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them. 

When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.

 This sounds very hurtful for you to be on the receiving end of this. You can ask yourself " what am I learning from the way I am being treated? "  and consider whether or not this is in fact either (1)  A message or value that you agree with and believe will strengthen your relationship and help you to grow as a person or (2)  A message or value that is damaging to the relationship or  to your view of your self and others.  Once you've considered that and come to your own conclusion, you will likely know what you need to do.  If you're still stuck, you may want to consider seeing an individual therapist for yourself  to process your feelings about the relationship or a couples therapist with your partner to work on improving your communication with each other. 

I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me.

 Sexual intimacy can be very triggering for survivors even when it is both wanted and consensual.  You may want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma to work through the abuse if you have not already done so. Often times triggers still hold such a powerful effect when the emotions related to the abuse  have not been fully processed.  In the meantime, you may want to consider coming up with a Safe Word to let your partner know that you are being triggered or to communicate your physical boundaries to him.  Often times, the experience of communicating  your physical boundaries to your partner, having those boundaries respected and validated, and having a partner who is understanding and  willing to engage in intimacy in such a way that does not violate your physical boundaries  can reinforce a sense of safety with him. 

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?

My initial response:  consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped. 

I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.

Ending an abusive relationship is often very difficult, especially if you were very close initially without the presence of abuse.  If the abuse included verbal or psychological condemnation, you will often have a negative self-image that you may "know" is not true but often feels very true. This negative self-image and fear of being abused again can activate protections in you that were needed at the time you were abused but now create a "wall" in your current relationship.  The fact that you were able to end the relationship and know that you made the right decision is a great acknowledgement that you have solid internal resources to draw upon in healing from the abuse.  Good for you!Nightmares and flashbacks are a strong sign of memories, including associated beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations, that have remained unprocessed and therefore unhealed.  There are likely reminders (called triggers) of the past abuse that are being activated in your current relationship that are allowing these unhealed memories to come to the surface and affect both your sleep and your waking experiences.  This is certainly not something you are purposefully doing but is the result of what happened to you.  However, you likely feel as if you are not in control.    The goal is protect your current relationship, evaluate your self-image for flaws in beliefs and feelings, and begin working on healing your memories of abuse. In many cases, my use of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) would be helpful in reducing the emotional strength of your abuse memories, reduce or eliminate triggers, bring healing, and allow you to enjoy being in the present with your current relationship.  I would recommend discussing with your current partner your harmful past experiences, your decision to pursue counseling, and your strong desire to be healthy for your current relationship.  With a good support network in place, healing is very possible.