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and were together in bower and hall set aside by their rank from an equal association with the visitors of the grand master they enjoyed a com the white from any open interference their happiness but was persecuted with secret from de that had become more to her since her a were consecrated to at the end of the month their love was confessed and the grand master had given his assent to their and the de had yielded hers glad to be from a whom she begun to fear as a rival the eighth of october was appointed for their to morrow morning said to her on the evening of the sixth ye shall go and ask your father s leave and blessing and bid him to the wedding tell him he added casting a side glance towards de who stood at a little distance the young pair with jealous that i shall envy him his son in law nay tell him not that i will not envy any man aught my course has been one of prosperity and possession i have numbered and fifteen years i am now in sight of the farther shore of life and no man can interrupt my passage to it let no man count on that from which one hour of life him i cried de starting from his fixed posture and up and down the saloon his words afterwards to all that then heard him as a prophecy asked for his morning s ride an escort of six armed men i have travelled he said to the grand master over your kingdom with no defence but my own good weapon and with gold enough to tempt some even of your haughty lords to violence till now i never felt fear or used caution because till now replied your heart was not bound up in the treasure you exposed that spirit is not human that is not susceptible of fear the token the escort was kindly provided and by s order furnished with of fruit wine c to aid the of s cottage home before the sun had nearly reached the she was within sight of that dear home on the borders of the and her eyes filled with tears as pointing out to each familiar object she thought how soon she was to be far separated from these haunts of her childhood it was a scene of beauty and rustic abundance of com and hay protected from the weather not only witnessed the of the well farm but seemed to enjoy the security with which they were permitted to lie on the lap of their mother earth a rare security in those times of when the lazy might at pleasure and with snatch from the the fruit of their toil the cows were the under the few trees of their sunny pasture the sheep feeding on the hill side the domestic birds in the poultry yard and the oxen turning up for the next summer s harvest the rich soil of fields whose product the proprietor might hope to reap as he enjoyed through the favour of the master the benefit of the act called an de s father was lying on an settle that stood under an old tree laden with fruit at his door two boys in the perfection of boyhood were eating their lunch and gambling on the grass with a little sturdy house dog while an old blind grandmother sat within the door she was the first to catch the sound of the of the horses hoofs look who is coming she said the dog and the boys started forth from the little court and directly there was a bark and shouts of it s it s our dear sister i amidst r the white this shouting and noisy joy made her way to her father s arms and the fond embrace of the old i and whom shall i bid welcome asked offering his hand to answered her eyes cast down and her cheek burning as if by the name she told all she had to tell welcome here sir resumed ye have come doubtless to see how poor folk live and the good man looked round on his little domain with a very proud humility oh no dear father he came not for that what did he come for then sister asked little i came not to see how you live said but to beg from you wherewith to live myself and taking aside he unfolded his errand come close to grandmother said and let her feel your gown i am glad you come not home in your bravery for then you would not seem like our own sister and yet said the old woman with a little of that feeling that to the sex of all conditions and ages i think none would become it better but dear me how you ve grown i can hardly reach to the top of your head not a hair s breadth have i grown grandmother since i saw you last but now do i seem more natural and she knelt down before the old woman yes yes now you are my own little again your head just above my knee how time flies i it seems but yesterday when your mother was no higher than this and it s five years come next all saints pay since we laid her in the cold earth but why have you bound up your pretty curls in s the token this net work snatched the silver net from her and her golden curls fell oyer her shoulders the old woman and fondly kissed them and then passed her fingers over y s face seeming to measure each oh if i could but once more see those eyes i remember so well their colour just like the violet that is	6
deepest with the and that was why we call you but when they turned from the li t and glanced up through your long dark they looked black so many a foolish one disputed with me the colour as if i should not know that had watched them by all lights since they first opened on this world dear grandmother i am kneeling for your blessing and you are filling my head with foolish thoughts and there is another who would fain have your blessing good mother said whose hand had just joined to s what a stranger who is this one good mother who a boon which if granted he desires if denied all else would be to him what means he nothing and yet much grandmother replied with a smile and a blush that would could the old woman have seen them have interrupted s words ah a young spark she said it is ever so with them their cup and and yet there is nothing in it but there is much in it this time interposed and a little impatient of the style of the young people he proceeded to state in direct terms the character and purpose of his visitor and said in conclusion i have the white given my consent and blessing for you know mother we can t keep our we bring up our children for others not for ourselves and when their time comes they will for it s god s law l ve their father s house and unto a stranger but why dear asked the old woman do ye not wed among your own people why go among dear grandmother if ye knew all that i have learned of his people from ye would think we were the instead of they why grandmother can both read and write like any priest while our great lords can only make their mark and so much do these know of what the learned call the arts and i know not the meaning of the words but has promised to explain them to me when we can talk of such things that our people call them ah well a day i thought how it would be when the lady took such a fancy to your face and begged you away from us but why cannot ye content yourself at the grand master s oh ask me not to stay there he is as kind as my father and so is the lady but added in a whisper her husband is a bold bad man he hath said to me what it me blush to recall why need ye fear him why fear him grandmother if all be true that men whisper of hun he dares do er the evil one bids him they say he was at the bottom of the horrid affair at the h de st paul and that at he it was that directed the mad king against the de the two bore to o well the f the token but barely dear child the grand master can protect ye m the that i am induced to them from a of the french among these there was one which terminated sadly a widow maid of honour to the queen was married a time to a certain du the king ordered the to be celebrated at the the of were occasions of extreme words and actions were permitted which elsewhere would have called forth at a time when were rare the king wishing to himself of the occasion assumed with five of his young the disguise of a with tar and covered with tow gave them from head to foot a hairy appearance in this costume they entered the hall ko one recognised them while the five surrounded the bride and embarrassed her with their dances charles left them to torment his aunt the of who though married to an old man was the youngest of the she could not even conjecture who he was in the mean time the duke of the others with a torch in his hand as if to their faces and set fire to the tow it was but a sally of mad sport on his part though he was afterwards reproached with it as if it were an attempt on his brother s life the king discovered himself to the of who covered him with her mantle and conducted him out of the hall four of the perished the historian after saying that charles conducting his army into left one very hot day and that while riding over a sandy plain under a sun and excited by a trifling and some random words of his fool he became suddenly mad proceeds he drew his and putting his horse to his speed and crying on on down with the he fell upon the pages and knights nearest to him no one dared defend himself otherwise than by flight and in this access of fury he killed the de and three other men at first the pages believed they had committed some disorder which had enraged him but when he attacked the duke of his brother they perceived he had lost his reason the historian proceeds to say that not daring to control him they agreed upon the expedient of letting him pursue them till he was exhausted but finally a knight much loved by the king red to up behind him and his arms the white now he can but we know not how long his power may last they say that he is far out of favour with and none long on whom he indeed indeed dear grandmother it is better your child should go away to a safe ye have given me many reasons but that ye love is always enough for you young ones well god speed ye ye	6
must have your day kneel down both and take an old woman s blessing it may do ye good under good conduct it can do ye no harm this ceremony over the boys who had heard they were to the wedding and who thought not of the parting nor any thing beyond it were in their expressions of joy their father sent them with some to the men who at his bidding had conducted their horses to a little in the rear of his cottage where they were refreshing them from his stores of the day was passing happily away never had appeared so lovely in s eyes as in the atmosphere ot home where every look and action was tinged by a holy light that from the heart time passed as he always does when he only on flowers and the declining sun them to prepare for their departure but first said let us taste together our dear patron s that boys and you dear serve us as you were wont her little home apron of white muslin tied with bows and spreading a cloth on the ground under the tree she and the boys arranged the wine fruit and various from the basket it s all said touching his tongue to the tip of a bird s wing and this is sugar too replied in the same mode a bunch of the ihe token french already all others in every department of the art and to our little their work seemed miraculous hark ye i said his brother i st francis dropped these from his pocket as he flew over come cried his father while you are gazing we would be eating ah that is right is it the last time my pretty to and who were leading the old woman from her chair to the settle come sit by me my child now we are all seated we will fill the cup and drink many happy years to de as if to mark the of the wish the progress of the cup to the lip was interrupted by an ominous sound and forth from the thick barrier of that the northern side of the cottage came twelve men armed and de god help us shrieked seize her instantly and off with her as i bade ye cried a voice that recognised as the count de s touch her at your peril villain cried drawing his sword and shouting for his attendants and the latter armed only with a club kept their at bay till his men appeared and they inspired by their master s example and fought but one and then another of their number fell and the were two to one against s the they had formed around her was courage my boys courage i cried as he shot a glance at his children crouching round his old mother motionless as panic the white struck birds courage god and the saints are on our side beat them back mj men shouted de will reward ye retorted de his bones are on the rack ah i m wounded tis but a scratch seize her lo i press on my men i the prize is ours but they seeing their leader fall back for an instant faltered a thought as if from heaven inspired de to avoid giving warning of his approach had left his horses on the outer side of the wood s attendants had just before the of de s party their master s horse and led him to the gate of the court there he was now standing and the passage from to him once on him and started thought she may escape mount my horse he cried fear nothing we will keep them back heaven guard you shot from the circle like an arrow from the bow the horse and sprang upon him he had been and stamping excited by the din of arms and impatient of his position and as she leaped into the saddle he sprang forward swift as an arrow from the s bow heard the yell of the mingling with the victorious shouts of her once her eye caught the flash of their arms but whether they were retreating or still stationary she knew not she had no distinct perception no consciousness but an intense desire to get on faster than even her flying conveyed her there were few persons on the road though passing through the immediate vicinity of a great city many of those who cultivated the of paris had their dwellings for greater security the token within the walls and their working day being over they had already retired within them from a where a party of were there were opposing shouts of stop and god speed ye and of the straggling returning from market some crossed this figure with face and golden hair streaming to the breeze was some demon in form and others knelt and murmured a prayer believing it was indeed an angel she had just made a turn in the road which brought her within sight of dame and the gates of paris when she heard the of horses coming rapidly on behind her her horse too heard the sound and as if conscious of his sacred trust and duty his speed the sounds approached nearer and nearer and now were lost in the shouts of her s head became giddy a sickening despair quivered through her frame we have her now i cried the foremost and stretched his hand to grasp her rein the action gave a fresh impulse to her horse he was within a few yards of the he sprang forward and in an instant was within the gates we are cried the leader of the pursuit in his horse and pouring out a of oaths he ordered his men to retreat saying it was more than the head of a of	6
ye hear lift not your head there be of bad men in the street and where such are there may be ugly sights i will go below and keep what quiet i can for ye s dwelling was old and the apartment under that which occupied was a little shop where dame cakes and common toys could hear every sentence spoken there in an ordinary tone but owing to s well meant efforts her ear caught only imperfect sentences such as follow good day mistress will you lend me a from your window to see the hush they re coming mother they re coming hush i there are s men first ye u know them boy by the cross of st on their and there are the see their i speak lower please neighbour i it s well for them they have provided against a rescue the are all for him every poor man s heart is for him for why he was for every poor man s right gk d reward him pray speak a little lower neighbour but is it not a shame dame but ten days ago and all save were his friends and now there he is mother i see i see i they stop oh mother see him show his broken joints mother j mother how his head hangs on one side curse on the that his bones asunder the white hush i bid ye hush who can that goodly youth be that stands close by his side see he is speaking to him j oh he looks like an angel so full of pity mother by st neighbour the boy is right oh mother what eyes he has now he is looking up see hush but look at them dame would ye not think the lamp of his soul was shining through them see him kiss the poor broken hand that hangs down so od bless him there s true courage in that and see those same lips how they curl in scorn as he turns towards those fierce wretches he is some stranger youth whence is he think ye i think by the cut of his and the fashion of bis head gear replied who for a moment forgot her caution he comes from italy the words were to she sprang from her bed to the window and the first object she saw amid a crowd was the second her protector and friend de the grand master he was stretched on a for the of the rack had left him unable to sustain an upright position s eye was to the form of her good old master her soul seemed resolved into one deep but not one word expressed its intense emotions so far did they the imperfect offices of prayer not one treacherous glance wandered to her lover till the procession moved and then the thought that she was losing her last opportunity of being to him turned the current of feeling and suggested an expedient which she immediately put into execution the token she had taken her white in her pocket to the cottage to show it to her father and through her delirium she had persisted in keeping it by her he now hung it in the window in the hope that fluttering in the breeze it might attract s eye she watched him but his attention was too fixed to be diverted by any thing certainly not by a device so girlish the procession moved on the and the stately figure beside it were passing from her view she threw the open and leaned out the erected at the end of the street struck her sight she shrieked fainted and fell upon the floor that one moment gave the colour to her after life she had been seen and marked and was remembered the duke of had taken advantage of a moment when charles was but partially recovered from a fit of insanity to compass the grand master s ruin the had wept at s execution but they had been consoled bj the rich spoils of his estate there was no such for the sovereign and it became a matter of policy to get up some dramatic novelty to divert his mind and prevent a to the past which might prove dangerous even to accordingly a new mystery was put in train for and one month after the last act of s tragedy and while his body was still ached to the of the gay world of paris assembled to witness the representation of a legend of a certain saint called the of st the seat over which the was suspended to our stage box and afforded an access to the the white stage that might use at pleasure the king was surrounded by his own family his wandering eye his laugh and incessant talking betrayed the still disordered state of his mind for when sane amidst a total of talents and virtues he had a certain of manner and the polish of conventional life which as his historian says acquired for him the ridiculous title of well on charles s right sat his queen of a woman remarkable for nothing but excessive the that produced it and the consequent upon it and one passion but she was a branch of and ruled by divine right i and sovereigns such as these are in some men s estimation rulers behind the queen a place was left vacant for the duke of who in consequence of a marvellous escape from death during a thunder storm when his horses had plunged into the had vowed to pay his and had on that very day them to dinner at which he had promised the should be a satisfaction of their debts so soon from your dinner my lord said his to him as he entered with an	6
expression of face which indicated a fear that all had not gone as she wished yes a short horse is soon what came they not surely of the eight hundred there were many who would not do you such as to believe your virtue with the shower ah their faith was sufficient they came every mother s son of them and all and you sent them away happy yes with one of the blessed are those who have nothing i charged my to turn them back tbe from my gate and to tell them if they came again they should bo beaten off there was a general laugh through the box the of alone turned away with an expression of deep mortification daughter of the duke of and of was one of the most celebrated women of her time her graceful beauty seemed the of her lovely land something quite foreign to the french court as she sat by the gross queen she inspired the idea of what humanity might become when invested with the body of the saints her soul beamed with almost lustre from her eyes and spoke in the musical accents of her beautiful lips her gentleness and sympathy more than the intellectual power and accomplishments that her amidst a and ignorant race gave her an over the mad king which afforded some colour to the wicked of those who in the end accused her of f an accusation very common against the of that period whose superior civilization and science were attributed to the arts of magic the secret of s power over the king has been discovered and illustrated by modern benevolence she could lead him like a little child when for months he would not consent to be washed or dressed and when these offices were performed at night by ten men lest when their sovereign recovered all the reason he ever possessed he should cause them to be hung for this act of necessary violence i the spectators while awaiting the rising of the curtain were exchanging the usual observations and whispered the beautiful young wife of the old duke of did not that man how beautiful ho is f who stands near the kiss his hand to you the white yes he id my i thought so he looks as if the blood of all your proud old ran in his veins the and heaven knows who he has a nobility than theirs my cousin his is direct from heaven and written by the finger of heaven on his noble countenance as to this world s honours he none but such as the son of a rich and skilful of may claim is it possible he is a that well might pass in any king s but he looks sad and abstracted and seeing as though he saw not know ye cousin what him yes but it is a long tale the lady of his thoughts has strangely disappeared and though for more than a month he has sought her day and night he hath as yet no trace of her he has come hither to night at my bidding for i deeply pity the poor youth and would fain divert his mind but soft the curtain is rising pray tell me what means this scene it is the interior of a chapel you know this legend of st th indeed i do not i cannot read and my never told it to me she was to one she loved the preparations were made for the when on the night before her marriage she saw in vision st francis who bade her her lover and told her that she was the elected bride of heaven that she must repair to the of the sisters of charity and there resign the world and its sinful passions you now see her obedient to the miraculous she has concluded her one weakness she the token has as yet indulged she has secretly retained the last gift of her hark there you hear the bell she is coming to deposit it at that shrine yonder a female now entered closely veiled and clad in a foil gray stuff dress that concealed every line of her person she held something in her hands which were folded on her bosom and walking with faltering steps across the stage to the knelt and made the accustomed signs and prayer she then rose and raising the little roll to her lips kissed it fervently and then as if asking pardon for this involuntary weakness again dropped on her and the roll withdrew it would seem she had entered completely into the tender regrets of the young saint she for a tear she had dropped on the last of the lover was seen as it caught and reflected the lamp s rays immediately through an open window in the ceiling a dove entered the symbol of the holy spirit it was not uncommon in these mysteries to bring the sacred i of the upon the scene the bird descended and took the roll in his bill as he rose with it it unfolded and the white silk given to poor represented the last earthly treasure of saint th the dove made three in his ascent and disappeared while the cries of were through the house the de whispered to see your he looks as if he would spring n the stage how deadly pale i and his eyes i blessed mary i they are like living fires surely he is going mad i heaven help him replied the gentle i in him to come hither would i could with him the white never mind him now cousin the scene is changing tell me what comes next next you will see st praying before her ah there she there is the coffin in which she sleeps at	6
putting her hand soothingly on charles she said with a smile my lord king we are all beside ourselves with this show we know not who or what we are here is a hath dared to come between the king and his subject and you my sovereign in a whisper have strangely forgotten your queen s presence that maiden sir stranger kneel my child to your gracious sovereign and let him see you hold yourself at his disposal mechanically obeyed nay my pretty one kneel not said charles still wild but no longer violent ah i had forgot i here are the orange come come you lazy priest r come marry us i looked as if she would fain again take refuge in s arms to morrow my lord king will surely be soon enough the white whispered with a confidential air and pointing to she added it would not seem well to have the rites performed in her presence the queen with characteristic had remained quietly in her place where she seemed quite absorbed in devouring a bunch of delicious grapes you are right dear sister replied the king thus in his softened moods he always addressed it is not according to church rule to marry one wife in presence of another he then burst into a peal of laughter which after continuing for some moments left him in a state of so neatly approaching to that he was conveyed to his palace without making the slightest resistance m a general movement followed the king s departure and cries rose that the stranger must be and conveyed to prison the of interposed my lords she said i pray ye give this youth into my charge he is my i will be responsible for him to our gracious sovereign there were of hesitation and discontent in my lords added ye should not add an injustice to a stranger to our to the error you have already committed this night in bringing our royal master but half recovered from his malady into this heated atmosphere and exciting scene it were well if we can it to preserve no of this night s this last hint effected what an appeal to their justice had failed to obtain and the lords permitted to withdraw with the of intent on making those happy who could be happy bade and attend her to her carriage after weeping with joy on her lover s bosom s first the token words were my father my brothers can ye tell me aught of them they are safe safe and well in all save their ignorance of you dear replied and by this time are they arrived in my happy country thank god and my dear old grandmother nay ask no farther to night better it is my good friend said to satisfy her inquiry now while her cup is full and sparkling with joy you can bear my child patiently a single bitter drop she was murdered then she is at rest my child you may weep we should weep for the good and kind before the little party separated for the night explained that in consequence of having been seen at the window on the day of s execution she had been sought out by the of the mystery and compelled in the king s name to obey their and to morrow said ye shall obey mine i too will be the manager of a mystery and real shall be by and then ho for my happy country m chapter l then said she i am very he will not come she said she wept i am oh god that i were dead i invention need not be for incidents fitted to the heart nor need they be heightened with the of romance the daily life of our own cities in events over which if there be tears in heaven surely the angels weep it is not to draw tears which flow too easily from susceptible young readers that the following circumstances are related but to set forth dangers to which many are exposed and vices which steep the life god has given as a blessing in misery and remorse a few years since there lived on the east side of our city where cheap and wretched abound one was a widow not young nor pretty nor delicate with none of the elements of romantic interest but old tall and coarse with a face by hardship sharpened by time and by sorrow her voice was harsh and her m t manner there was one and bnt one sign and that a faint one that she might once have the weaknesses of her sex she wore that hideous to the hair which women call a and not being very exact in the of her cap the of the and the silver hairs set off this little lingering of vanity rather strikingly but as all is not gold that and beauty is but skin deep and under a rough shell is often found excellent meat so under mrs s rough exterior there were strong common sense a spirit of a good conscience and affections that the rough usage of the world had not these had attached her with devotion and self sacrifice to one object after another as the relations of life had changed first binding her in loving duty to her parents and sisters then to her husband and children and finally when one after another they had dropped into the grave settling on the only one in whose veins a drop of her blood ran a little orphan a sweeter thing they could not light upon go with us up a crazy staircase at the extremity of street if you chance to look in at the door of the rooms you pass you will see it being sunday an entire irish	6
family father mother half a dozen children more or less with a due allowance of cousins all plump rosy and in the teeth of the physical laws on plenty of food and of dirt on entering mrs s rooms you are in another country the tenants are obviously americans it is so orderly quiet and and rather anti social there are only an old woman and a little girl the bud of and the leaf of autumn the only dirt in the room you almost wonder the old woman it there m is in two flower pots in the window whence a white and a tea rose their sweet a table is decently spread for the meal that our people call supper which the substantial food of dinner with the tea and its sweet of cake or preserves the tea kettle is hissing on the stove and a pie is warming there the old woman sits in her weaving backwards and forwards reading a time letter while a little girl the only thing in harmony with the rose and in the window laying aside a tract she is reading says aunt don t you know every word in that letter by heart i do why do you say it then my dear aunt i am clean discouraged it seems as if providence crowded on me there is black disappointment turn which way i will i have had an offer to go to and part pay beforehand which same i send you draws near and it is the only way i have to provide so dear aunt i think it my duty to go i can t summon courage to bid you good bye i can t speak a word to her i should not be a man again in a month if i tried you have been a mother to me aunt and if god my life i ll be a dutiful son to you in the place of them that s gone if any thing happens to my poor wife you will see to my child i know your dutiful nephew james new york september i declare you have said it right date and all and a date ij me hat th of september m day your father sailed that very day you were bom and that very day when the tide went ont your mother died life coming life going and the dear life of my last boy launched on the wide sea my boy i always called your father he was like my own sons to me he lived just one week after he got to and the news came day we have always been that is the side a dreadful family for dying young all but me ive lived to follow all my folks to the grave my three boys i have seen laid in the ground full grown six feet men and here i am my strength failing my eyes dim working shivering trembling on poor little shivered too and putting some more wood into the stove she asked her aunt if it were not time for supper but mrs without hearing her went on rather talking to herself than the child there has always been something notable about times and seasons with our folks i was born the day the war was declared my oldest was bom the day washington died my youngest sister your grandmother died the day of the total my husband died the day that last little war was declared your father saw your mother the first time night and as i said it was day we got the news of his death poor what a dutiful boy he was to me half my life went with his i how that letter is printed on your memory but you have better learning than ever i had and that makes the difference i learning is not all though you must have prudence did i not hear you talking on the stairs yesterday with some of them irish cattle yes aunt i was thanking mrs o for bringing up my of water for me that as pot it twas a with the children i h heard made no reply i won t have it you re no company for irish and never shall he the lord made em to he sure that is all you can say for em you can scarce call them human they are very kind aunt so are dogs kind i have moved and moved and moved to get into a house free of them hut they are v and there is no getting away from them it s the lord s will that they should us like and and must he hut have no hand of fellowship with them there i have set down my foot now child tell me what was all that hurry mrs gave small encouragement to a scene in which the irish were the principal actors but after a little struggle her sense of justice to them overcame her dread of the old woman s prejudices and she told the true story the at the new gave me leave to my again for pat and o were there me and they picked out all the bits and put them into my and it was pretty heavy and pat would it home for me he was so kind how could i him aunt hut i was afraid you would see him that was the truth and i wanted to take the basket before we got to the house so i ran across the street after him and there was a young gentleman driving a beautiful carriage with a servant beside him and another behind and one of the horses just brushed against me and knocked me over pat and were frightened and mad too and pat swore and screamed and the gentleman stopped and the man	6
behind jumped off and came to us and pat kicked him and he struck pat and the gentleman got out and stopped m the fight and said he was sorry and offered pat money and pat would not touch it the irish have some high feelings aunt for all and i am sure they are kind as kind can be well well go on did the gentleman say any thing to you v yes aunt he saw there was a little blood on my cheek and he took off my bonnet and turned off my hair it was but a little and and and child nothing aunt only he wiped off the place with his pocket handkerchief and kissed it it s the last time you shall stir outside the door without me aunt i am sure he meant no harm he was a beautiful gentleman beautiful indeed did he say any thing more to you v he said something about my hair being looking pretty and he cut off a lock with my that you hung at my side yesterday and he he put it in his bosom as finished there was a tap at the door and on opening it she recognized the footman of her admirer in one hand he held a highly ornamented bird cage containing a and in the other a paper parcel the gentleman as had the misfortune to knock you down yesterday sends you these he said smiling at and setting them down on the table he withdrew was enchanted the very thing i always wanted she exclaimed the little singing bird began at once to cheer her solitude to break with its sweet notes the heavy monotony of her day to in harmony with the happy voice of childhood while forgetting her supper m t and the paper was trying to quiet the frightened flattering of the timid little stranger mrs lost in a reverie of perplexity and anxiety was revolving s adventure and its consequences a world of dangers that must beset the poor girl when as in the course of nature it soon must be her protection was withdrawn were all at once revealed to her was just thirteen and the extreme beauty that had marked her childhood instead of passing away with it was every day developing and her features were and of that order which is called aristocratic and so they were of nature s aristocracy if that be so which is reserved for her productions her complexion was fair and soft as the rose leaf and the colour ever varying on her cheek ever mounting and with the flow and ebb of feeling her hair was singularly beautiful rich and curling and though quite dark reflecting when the light fell on it a ruddy glow if she looked like other children thought as her eye rested on she might have been thrown down and had both her legs broken and that young spark would never have troubled himself about her if it had but pleased god to give her her grandfather s nose or her father s little gray twinkling eyes or if she had favoured any of the floods or looked like any of the except her poor mother but what a picture of a face to throw a poor girl with alone among the wolves and of this wicked city oh that men were men and not beasts of prey child the old woman s voice trembled but there was an earnestness in it that impressed each word as she uttered it mark my words and one of these days h when i am dead and gone yon will remember them god gives beauty for a trial to some and a temptation to others that s all the i ever see in it to be sure its a pretty thing to look upon but its just like a rose by the time it is out it begins to fade now do leave that bird one minute and listen to me this is what i want you to remember proceeded the old woman with more earnestness and stronger emphasis when men follow you and flatter you turn a deaf ear pay no kind of attention to them and if they fly away from them as you would from rats aunt i don t know what you mean the time will come when i can make my meaning for the present it is enough for you to know that you must not listen to fine men that you must not take presents from them that you must go straight to school and come straight home from it and say nothing to nobody if ever i get the money that good for nothing martin owes me for work done four years ago i ll buy you a bird but if you can get a chance you must send this back where it came from oh aunt must i yes what is in that paper it it it enveloped a quantity of bird seed and a dainty basket filled with french involuntarily smiled and then looked towards her aunt as if to ask her if she might smile the cloud on the old lady s brow lowered more and more heavily and said timidly must i send these back too aunt or may i give them to pat and i won t eat any myself you are a good child and tea yon may go down and hand them in and don t stay talking with k and mind again if ever an opportunity comes the bird goes back could not for her life see the harm of keeping the bird it seemed to her that the gentleman was very kind but the possibility of to her aunt or of with her did not occur to her she knew and that was enough to know that her	6
aunt indulged her whenever she thought indulgence right and that she strained every nerve for her her wishes were not as easily subdued as her will and each day as she grew more in love with her they became stronger and stronger that the opportunity might never come to send them away but come it did the following thursday was christmas day a holiday of course to but none to mrs who having been strictly bred a held in disdain even this dearest and most legitimate of holidays she was doing the daily task by which she earned her bread making coarse garments for a neighbouring shop had done up the house work and put the room into that holiday order which is to the poor what fine furniture and fancy are to the rich she had fed her bird and talked to it and read through the last tract left at the door and she was sitting gazing out of the window thinking how happy the people must be who rode by in their carriages and wondering as she saw baby houses and horses carried by where all the children could live who got these fine presents there is nobody to send me one she thought as if in answer to her thought there was a tap at the door and the well known footman appeared with a huge paper parcel s rose coloured cheek deepened to crimson mrs m surveyed the lad from head to foot and nodding to asked is it he yes aunt it s something for you miss said the footman and about to deposit a parcel on the table before mr it s christmas day old lady he added a nice day for young people as has red cheeks and bright eyes hum you need not take the trouble to set that thing down here we ll ma am here will do just as well he said placing it on the nor there either young man but he without her had already the parcel and displayed to s eyes a work box with brilliant of crimson velvet and of steel and silver it was but a single glance that gave them for she remembered the goods were and she averted her eyes and cast them down tie the thing up and take it where it came from said mrs what is your master s name the gentleman as me is mr where does he live v at the house give him the bird poor little obeyed but with a trembling hand and tearful eye the little bird had been a bright spirit in her dead daily life take them all back continued mrs and tell mr what s his name that such fine things are for fine people that we are poor and honest and and if he is a real friend to us he ll leave us to eat l h de the bread of our own earning without disturbing our minds with things that s no way suited to us the footman and stood a little behind mrs and he taking advantage of her shrugged his saying and adding with a fitting the school in which his master bred him if ever you hear a whistle under your window three times repeated come down what are you waiting for youve got your message man i was waiting for your second thoughts old lady ive given you my first thoughts and i m not one that thinks my thoughts twice over so you may go to mr you call him as quick as you please the man departed bowing and kissing his hand to as he shut the door what said the fellow to you asked her aunt who had heard as deaf people generally hear what is meant not to reach their ears oh aunt replied he said something about your being most unfortunately and for the first time in her life she dealt by her aunt sincerity is the compass of life there is no safe sailing without it the poor child was perplexed s gifts had charmed her she did not see clearly why they were rejected she was already filled with vain for some of her dull existence and she was but thirteen years old i seldom have thirteen years of human life passed with a more record to do her duty to be quiet industrious and true from being s instinct had become her habit the fountain of her affections had never yet been was that well spring m of life to be poisoned she had committed her first deceit poor child we have gone too much into detail we must limit ourselves to the most striking particulars of our story a year passed christmas came again and the day wore away mr has forgotten me sighed in her inmost heart as she remembered her last christmas gift that fellow with his yellow cape and won t trouble us again i m thinking said mrs the day deepened into twilight heard a whistle she started it was repeated and again repeated she drew near to her aunt as if for defence and sat down by her her heart throbbing after a few minutes there were again three still she sat resolutely still mrs laid down her sewing wiped her spectacles and heaving a deep sigh said i grow and but i won t murmur as long as it pleases that i may earn honest bread for you and me looked up and her aunt saw there were tears in her eyes poor child she continued it is not a christmas you are having the whistle was again repeated go to the baker s and buy us a pie it won t break us i can pay for it if i work till twelve to night and it will seem more like christmas to you again heard the whistle the opportunity was too tempting	6
to be resisted and threw a shawl over her head and ran down stairs a man wrapped in a cloak had just passed the door he turned back at the sound of her footsteps threw his arms around her and kissed her cheek she sprung up the door step but he gently detained her and m looking up in his face saw that it was himself and not as she supposed his servant why do you run away from me he said in a low sweet voice how have i frightened you am i not your friend none can feel a greater interest in you i will prove it in any way that i can s instincts directed her aright and fixing her beautiful eyes on him she said come up then and say to my aunt what you say to me she did not understand the smile that on s lips as he replied no your aunt for some reason i am sure i cannot tell what has taken a dislike to me you know she has for she will not permit you to receive the slightest gift from me come you were going out walk along and let me walk by you he slid his arm around her waist she shrunk from him and he withdrew it how old are you you perceive i know your name and i know much more concerning you that you would not suspect oh mr how should you know about me i am fourteen and a little more only fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen will soon come and each year each month you are growing more and more beautiful i dream of you every night of my life and when i wake my first thought of you is i cannot see her i cannot speak to her mr it is true true as that the beautiful moon is shining on us why should it not be true it is unnecessary it is cruel that you should be shut up in that forlorn old house with that old woman the old woman on s ear but she did not interrupt and he i bo you like riding or sailing i never rode but once and that waa to uncle ben f funeral and i was never in a boat in my life come then on monday at twelve o clock to the comer of grand and streets i will be there in a coach and i will take you a ride just as long or lis short as you please and when spring comes you shall go out with me in my boat by moonlight i often pass an evening in about the harbor and i should take such pleasure in pleasing you but mr aunt would never give me leave never in the world do not ask her how is she to know why i must tell her i tell her every thing and i never leave her but to go to school and how is she to know that you are not at mr do you think i would deceive my aunt no never never they had arrived at the shop turned to enter it and faltered out a good night sir stop and listen to me one moment he said her that one moment he prolonged till he had repeated again and again his professions of admiration and interest and his entreaties that she would meet him she remained true to herself and to her aunt she offered to tell her aunt of his kindness and to ask her leave to take the ride this he declined saying it would be useless and finally he was obliged to leave her with only a promise from her that she would not always disregard the whistle he kissed her hand and thrust into it a purse she would have followed him and returned it but at that moment two persons crossed the street and interposed themselves between her and and fearing observation she re m retained it on examination she found in it several gold pieces and a small with a very miniature of on one side and a lock of his hair on the other she had the resolution after examining the features again and again to tie it up with the purse of money not without many a pang as she slowly and hesitatingly did it and directing the parcel to f she secretly gave it to her devoted pat o a clever and honest boy to convey it to that gentleman at the house pat returned with the information that there was no such gentleman there and without having any suspicion of foul play concluded he was out of town she hid the parcel from her aunt s eye thinking it would disturb her and still to return it at the first opportunity she had thus far obeyed her conscience and it sat lightly on its throne two years glided away s beauty instead of passing with her childhood had become so brilliant that it could not be unobserved she the street where the that are abroad for prey seeing she was young and that she was had more than once beset her a mine had long been working under her feet the dreary companionship of the old woman became every day more wearisome to her still she was gentle and and for many a heavy month endured resolutely a life hat grew and as she contrasted it with th world of beauty indulgence and love that had been painted to her excited imagination for the last six months her aunt had been moving from her bed to the chair with difficulty supported by whose slight figure under the weight of the massive old woman her faculties had decayed one after another still the affection of her being remained the last lingering of daylight on the darkening night she fancied herself still capable of earning	6
their daily and hour after hour she would move the only arm she could move as if she were sewing and at evening take the same garment on which she had thus cheated herself for months to and out take it to bay s dear and bring the pay favoured the illusion took the garment and always the pay the o s were still tenants of a room below and since the old woman s illness had often accepted the kind offers of their services went on her errands and pat brought up her wood and water and whenever she had occasion to go out and such occasions recently came often and lasted long mrs o would bring her baby to tend in the ould lady s room though without any visible means of was supplied with every comfort she could desire for her aunt or herself mrs o from stupidity or humanity or a marvellous want of curiosity asked no questions on some points she certainly was not blind one day mrs after an ill turn had fallen asleep mrs o was sitting by her and appeared deeply engaged in reading o looked at the volume and exclaimed why your book is bottom side up burst into tears and flung it from her god help the child said mrs o take the baby down stairs she added to and stay by it till i m come now out what you the mother that bore you is not more to you than and have i not seen your eyes this three months always like and red too and your cheek getting paler and paler buried her face in the bed clothes ah honey dear don t fret so it s not to vex you speaking the words have been burning on my tongue this six weeks gone but the old lady us and though i am old enough to be your mother or grandmother for that you looked so sweet and innocent like i was to my thought i have no word to speak said in a changed and faltering voice and the bed trembled with the that shook her at this moment mrs threw her arm out of bed opened her eyes and for the first time in many days looked about her and spoke distinctly sprang to her side and mrs o instinctively moved round to the head of the bed where she could not be seen continued the old woman slowly but with perfect distinctness i am going you will follow soon you will dear be patient be good the blood coloured again her faded and withered cheek as she spoke and mounting to her brain gave her a momentary vigour trust in god trust in gk d and not in man i but i do not leave you alone not alone no not alone the utterance grew fainter and fainter a slight passed over her whole frame and her features were still and rigid gazed in silent fear and horror her eye turned from her aunt to mrs o with that question m she not utter the kind woman said nothing but gently closed the staring vacant eyes oh she is dead cried throwing herself on the bed in a of grief my last friend oh i am alone alone q od has left me i have left him i deceived her oh oh dear in vain mrs o tried to calm and comfort her she wept till she fell asleep from utter exhaustion nature did the kind work it does so well to elastic youth and she awoke in the morning calm strengthened and refreshed she seemed as mrs o said changed from a helpless girl to a woman she sent for her aunt s clergyman and by his and the aid of an she made provision for burying her beside her husband and children and attended by the clergyman she followed her last and faithful old relative to the grave and returned to her desolate apartment a dreary world behind her and fearful clouds hovering around her horizon poor young creature she paid the charges of the funeral those charges that always come a sordid and element with the of the poor and late the following evening mrs o hearing as she fancied a footstep descending the stair and soon after a carriage rolling away mounted to or dismiss her suspicions there was no answer to her knock the door was not locked she opened it a lamp burning on the table and a letter the yet wet lying by it she called came who is this letter for why i for you mother and s writing it she knows i cannot read and if there s e er a secret in it keep it as if it were your own m ds read o you have been a kind friend to me and i thank you and give you in token of my gratitude all that i have in this room my clothes please give to and the purse with the two dollars in the comer of the drawer to pat with many thanks from me ever your grateful friend the dear but faith that s not the whole of it see if there s never a little something of a in the other words ne er a syllable mother ne er a what child t was a i asked for you ve got the whole mother every word sure it s not of myself i m thinking but the time may come when she ll wish for as rough a friend as i am god help her and guide her poor child in this rough stony world child it was some time before clearly comprehended that was gone from them probably for ever and it was some time longer before these generous creatures could bear to consider themselves in	6
any way by her departure they turned the key of s door and went to their own room to brood over what seemed to her an mystery and her mother to guess and fear fifteen months had now passed away since had looked out from her home in street to an existence bright with promised love and pleasure she had seen the distant gates of gleam and did not dream it was a dream our readers must now follow her to an isolated house in the upper part of the city there she had two apartments furnished with more finery than elegance or even neatness the rose coloured curtains were faded the gilded furniture and from the of faded artificial flowers s sickening thoughts now often turned to the white and rose types of her lost purity that in her aunt s window was not the first tenant of these apartments which with others in the same house were kept furnished and supplied by a certain mrs who herself occupied the rooms now by courtesy called mrs was but little more than seventeen just on the threshold of life that fountain of love which has power to make the wilderness blossom to fill the desert places of life with flowers and fruits had been poisoned and there was no more health in it the eye which should have been just opening to the loveliest visions of youth was dull and heavily cast down while tear after tear dropped from it on a sleeping infant some few months on its pilgrimage between the cradle and the grave the beautiful form of s features remained but the life of beauty was gone her once brilliant cheek was pale and her whole health self respect cheerfulness even hope the angel of life were driven away for ever and memory so sparkling and sweet to youth bore but a bitter to poor s lips she sat statue like till she started at a footstep approaching the door a servant girl entered in a and noisy manner that expressed the absence of all deference k and took from a handkerchief in which it was wrapped a letter addressed to saying i ve been to the house and the american and the city hotel and all them boarding houses down town and there s no such person there and nowhere else i expect what do you mean oh nothing only them as hangs out false colours must expect others to do the same by them i suppose there s no more a mr than a mrs hush my baby said to the infant stirred by her tremor i want to have my wages paid to day continued as i am expecting to leave took out her purse and paid the girl s demand eyed it narrowly there were but a few shillings left in it and she changed the assault she had meditated from the purse to a richer spoil it s always she said when a girl lives in such a house as this and serves the like of you that she shall have extra pay for character and so forth i see your purse is rather and i am willing to take up with your silk gown spotted with pink and trimmed with oh hush my baby cried to the child who opening her eyes on the distressed countenance of her mother was crying as even such young children will from the instinct of sympathy the gown hangs in the closet she replied steadily take it and go took it and while she was deliberately folding it she said half half it an t worth while for nothing in this world for it s a kind of confused place why it always comes to this sooner or m later your fine gentleman likes variety you ll be as handsome as ever again if you ll leave off sighing and crying and you may get as much of a husband as and as good leave me pray leave me cried and when shut the door she threw herself on the bed with her baby saying amidst tears and oh has it come to this deserted lost am i such a thing that i cannot answer that cruel bad girl oh god have mercy he will not hear me for i only come to him when i have none other to go to hush my baby i wish we were in the grave together come now hush do she wiped away her tears and catching up the child rushed half distracted up and down the room attempting to smile and play to it and the poor little thing cried and smiled alternately the following are some from the letter which had brought back to her oh am i never never to see you again i it is two months since you were here two months it seems two years and yet when you were last here and spoke those icy cruel insulting words i thought it would be better never to see you again than to see you so but come once more and tell me if i deserved them from you i was thirteen years old an innocent loving child loving but with little to when you first stole my heart did you then mean this ruin god knows you know i don t did you plot it then to steal away my innocence when i should be no longer a child you say you never promised to marry me and you say that i knew what was before me no you never said one word of marrying me but did you not swear to love and cherish me so long m as jou lived and did you not tell me over and over again that that was all that marriage was in god s sight did you not say that i did not love you half	6
as well as you loved me and again and again reproach me with it were you not angry so angry as to frighten me because i would not desert my dear good old faithful aunt to go with you and how have i loved you i have given up my innocence for you my good name and the favour of god i have loved only you never have had a thought beyond you i wore only the fine things to please you and truly now i hate to look on them for they were in your eyes the price of what i never sold but gave but for my poor baby i would not send to you again for her i will do any thing but sin mrs has twice told me i must leave this house six months rent is due i have ten dollars in my purse tell me where i am to go what am i to do i would not stay here if i could the house has become hateful to me i cannot bear the looks of mrs and i cannot endure to have them touch my baby for it seems to me as if their touch to my little innocent child were like a foul thing on an opening the very sound of their voices and me oh it was not human to put me among such creatures if you have deserted me for ever i will e food if i can to keep my baby alive if i cannot earn i will beg but i will live no longer among these bad people i had rather perish with my baby in the street oh mr how could you have the heart to put me here and will you not now give me a decent home for the baby s sake for a little while till i am stronger and can work for her there was much more in the letter than we have but it was all of the same tenor and all showed plainly that m though betrayed and deserted poor was not bold and hardened indeed must have been that human creature who could have cast the first stone at her for some months after took her under his protection the protection the wolf affords the lamb he was passionately devoted to her he made her world and made it bright with such excess of light that she was dazzled and her moral sense overpowered there was no true colouring or proportion to her perception she was like one who having gazed at the sun sees every object for a time in false and brilliant colouring but these illusions fade by degrees to blackness and so as recovered from the bewilderment of passion the light became shadow ever deepening immovable shadow she lost her and no twilight of cheerfulness succeeded to it the birth of her child recalled her to herself the innocent creature was ood s minister to her soul her pure love for it made love hateful to her she became serious then sad and very wearisome to he was accustomed to calling forth the of art had no art her beauty was an accident independent of herself the treasure of her love she gave him and for this there is no exchange but faithful pure love so her were on an empty treasury passion out the divine quality of love s character was simple and true she had little and nothing of the charm of variety which comes from cultivation and from observation of the world what could she know of the world whose brief time in it had been passed between her school and dame s room in street i was extremely well read in certain m of romantic literature he had a standing order with a paris for such boots as george sand paul de and all their tribe produce but this was a to her reading was confined to the bible and the tracts left at her aunt s door he delighted in those who have come down from the holy mount of inspiration and sacrificed to gods poetry beyond that of her aunt s hymn book was unknown to and when brought her and don she understood but little of them and what she understood she loved music it was to him the natural language and excitement of passion and poor had no skill in this divine art beyond a song for her baby he gave her she burst into tears at the sight of them and would not be moved by his laugh and derision to look a second time at them the natural and opposition between them came soon to be felt by both he was ready to cast her no matter where as a burden from him and she had already turned back to walk through the fires her sin had kindled to the bosom of infinite love and compassion s vices were expensive and like most idle dissipated young men of fortune he soon found his exceeding his income he had no thought of sacrificing his vices to his wants but only the objects of them he had of late felt his mode of life to be so that he resolved on it or rather on his pleasures by marrying a young woman whose large fortunes would be a relief to him whose beauty and elegance would adorn his establishment and whose character would fill up certain awkward in his own a person so gifted and as he flattered himself m be bad discovered in miss s was a leading woman of in tbe city and bad received bis first witb indications of favour he deliberately determined to leave as be bad done to for bis conscience it was easily witb tbe tbat be left ber better off be found ber as if simplicity contentment and a good	6
name were articles to be away for a few jewels and and a few of luxurious life chapter il lain down and died in tbe extremity of ber despair at finding finally deserted or in ber self condemnation done violence to ber life but ber was ood s argument to reason patience calmness and exertion sat herself to consider could be done in all great city mrs o was ber only acquaintance and poor and ignorant was too ber friend and was in a strait to know tbe of tbat word friend can tell me to find employment and certainly will be kind to me and to her determined to go laid aside all ber fine clothes which were now unfit for her and bad become disgusting to her and putting on a dressing gown and over it a black and white cloak which witb a neat straw bonnet her aunt s last gifts seemed as she looked at in them in some degree to restore ber self respect dear honest old friends exclaimed would tbat i bad m t never laid you aside it was with a different feeling tbat she took up and laid down one after another the pretty she had delicately made and trimmed for her baby she looks so pretty in them she thought and i am there is no sin in her looking pretty i but after a little shrinking she dressed the baby in a cotton night gown and took off her coral and bells she then wrapped her warmly in and left the house and after walking two squares she reached a railroad car there were several persons in the car when she entered and as usual they turned their eyes on the new comer but not as usual turned them away again those exquisite features arrested the eye and there was something in the depth of expression on that young face to awaken interest in the soul one man touched his neighbour who was absorbed in his newspaper and directed his eyes to two young women expressions of wonder and curiosity with their eyes fixed on her a good little boy feeling an instinctive sympathy with something he knew not what expressed it by offering h some nuts and when she looked up to thank him she for the first time conscious of the general gaze and thankful she was when at the of street the car stopped to let her out have a care said a woman at her side as she rose thee art young child to be trusted with a baby overcome with emotion and fatigue far it was since she walked out was ready to sink when after having walked nearly a mile down street she came to her former home the o s were not there they had moved many months since her said down into street near the north river was it far asked faith it was might she come in and rest herself m indeed isn t she welcome and a shame it is for any lady to send a delicate out with a baby in her arms when entered and saw the stairs she had so often in her childhood trodden the tears started to her eyes and when her baby and would not be without food from her breast she perceived the women exchanging significant and looks and overcome by weakness and a of emotion she burst into hysterical poor young i poor young god help i exclaimed the woman with a true irish of feeling and what is t you re wanting here s a drink of milk take it honey dear it will strengthen you better than we ve done with that thank god and father made a violent effort herself drank the milk and asked if a cab could not be got for her there was one passing and at the next instant she was in it and driving to street she found the house but the o bad flitted and in another and distant quarter of the city she found the second dwelling to which she was directed again they had moved and whither no one could tell and feeling as if the last plank had gone from under her feet she returned to her home home alas that sacred word had now no meaning to poor she had scarcely entered her room and thrown herself on the sofa with her baby when mrs her remarkably red faced landlady threw open the door and said are you back i did not expect you alone not expect me alone what do you mean why it s customary for some kind of folks you know when they lose one husband to take another looked up a sickening feeling came over her the words she would h ve i died away on her lips m i suppose you are sensible continued mrs that honest folks must be paid just debts and as there s no finding that mr of yours i have strained upon your wearing apparel that being for rent as well as and all the furniture belonging to me already except the so and the and the and the dressing case them things will help out but the whole quarter s rent and eight days oyer is due said nothing i am never to nobody so i have taken out enough baby linen to serve and a change for yourself the rest is under my lock and key and i shall keep it may be a month or more before i sell it and if mr pays me in that time and i don t he will sooner or later but them kind of fine gentlemen are slow in paying you know but i don t question his honor he has always been highly honourable to me and i have been highly honourable to him he is a real	6
infant saying to her you must be very tired is it not very tiresome to carry a baby the baby does not seem to tire me but i am not very strong replied wiping away the tears that were gathering at the gentleness addressed to her tou do not look strong nor well said the young lady and she poured out a glass of wine and water and insisted on taking that and some more solid refreshment from u the waiter on which a servant had just served lunch it was well for poor that she accepted the hospitality for she needed to he fortified for what followed had heen so thoroughly in sewing by her aunt who it may be remembered was a that she answered very confidently as to her abilities as a she should be content she said with any wages or no wages for the pre be if mrs would put up with the inconvenience of her child oh the child will not be in my way said mrs you ll be up in the and i shan t hear it so if you will give me a satisfactory reference i will try you i have never lived out answered discouraged by the she had already received she shrunk from a of her position well where do your parents live if i find you have decent parents that will be enough my parents died long i lived with my aunt and she is dead and i am p said mrs with an emphatic nod of her head to her sister who up her mouth and nodded back again the young lady walked up to her mother and said to her in a low and with an imploring look mamma for heaven s sake don t say any more to her i am sure she is good ridiculous you know nothing about it replied mrs aloud and turning to she said how comes it that you are and alone in the world have you not a husband no answered some little spirit mounting with her mounting colour i never had a husband i have been h betrayed and forsaken i am no farther no more quite enough quite enough i can t of course take any such person into my house then my baby and i must die for nobody will take ns in said bursting into tears and gathering her cloak about her oh mamma said for pity s sake let her stay i will answer for her how very absurd you are no respectable lady would take person of that kind into her house then what is their respectability worth mamma if it cannot give help to a weak fellow creature miss said a servant opening the door mr is below tell mr i am engaged daniel said her mother you are not going to send away in that manner what do you mean give the child to its mother and go down it s a lucky moment for her she said in a whisper to her sister she has such a beautiful glow on her cheek it was a beautiful glow the glow of indignant humanity i cannot go down mother daniel say i am engaged in another instant daniel returned with a request from mr that miss would ride with him the following day he had purchased a charming lady s horse and begged she would try it oh what shall i say mamma i cannot go mrs without replying to opened the door and brushing by who had risen to depart she called from the head of the stairs mr excuse me i am in my dressing gown and cannot come down will you come mt to the staircase we are so up to our eyes arranging with the for mrs that you must excuse this morning she is a little timid since her accident about riding are you sure of your horse perfectly lord bless me would i ask miss if i were not at the sound of the voice sprang forward and then staggering back again leaned against the door oh very well then said the c mamma she will be ready for you at twelve good morning good morning was answered and mrs turned towards her apartment elated with having settled the matter according to her own wishes grasped her arm for god s sake tell me she said in a voice scarcely audible where does mr live he it is that has deserted me where can i find him mrs s spirit before s earnestness her unmistakable truth but after a single moment s hesitation she said i don t know he lives somewhere at lodgings you have probably mistaken the person mistaken oh heaven exclaimed and glided down stairs as if there were wings to her feet but before she could reach the pavement had mounted into his very handsome new and was driving proudly up the street gallantly bowing to some ladies at their balcony windows and poor crept on she knew not why nor whither what did that poor girl say to you mamma did she mention s name asked s name why should she mention it i did not hear her she might perhaps she muttered something she is a little herself i think h do you mamma there could not be a stranger contrast than miss s earnest tone and her mother s one poor poor girl how very beautiful she is she reminded me of i think she has her senses now but with that deep i should not wonder if she soon lost them may ood be more merciful to her than we have been but mamma how could you say to that i would ride with him why are you going to stay at home and sigh oyer this lost you will ride	6
it poor bird and taking the infant in one arm and supporting and nearly carrying the mother with the other she conducted down the steps and laid her on her bed with discreet and delicate kindness she for the present from inquiries and contented herself with nursing the baby and and then an of her heart in expression of pity and love to and indignation and wrath against bad that had neither nor heart nor feelings nor any such thing in them i in the course of the day so far as to tell her friend her short sad story and to learn that affairs had mended with the o that the drunken husband was dead pat and were out at service and that the good mother with a little help from them and by selling apples and nuts and now and then a got bread for herself and three little noisy children the of her was only betrayed by her repeated assurances to that she had plenty plenty and to spare and when the next morning manifested her intention of going out again to seek a place she said na na my it s not that ye shall be after is not the bit place big enough for us all it s but little ye re wanting to ate wait any way till ye s stronger and the is old enough to and then ye can lave it here to play with and looked round upon the bit place and it must be confessed that she at the thought of living in it even with the sunny kindness of its inmates or of leaving her little of a baby there the windows were dim with dirt the floor was a heap of were in one comer potatoes in another and coals under a bed none of the broken on broken plates stood on the table and all contrasted too strongly with the glossy neatness of her aunt s apartment surely was not oh no mrs o she said i can never never leave my baby i am better and you are so kind to me that i ll wait till to morrow and she did wait another day but no persuasion of mrs o could induce her to leave the in s she insisted that she did not feel its weight and that looking on it was all that her courage to go among strangers and that now she felt easier and more in heart knowing she had such a kind friend to come to at night finding resolved mrs o said now don t be after telling them your misfortunes just send them to me for your it s ten to one they ll not take the trouble to come and if they do i ll satisfy them and how asked with a faint smile why won t i be after telling them just the truth how the good old lady brought you up like a out of sunshine and harm s way how you were working with your needle and quiet like and dove and how the ould lady on you and that you were the best and that ever crossed a door sill but oh dear mrs o how will you ever come to the dreadful truth and i ll not be after just that if they bother with questions can t i answer them how will it harm a body in all the world just to be that ye s married your man what died with consumption or the like of that shook her head now what s the use continued mrs o of a tongue if we can t serve a friend with it lave it all to me tou know i would not tell a lie to wrong one of god s would i be after giving you a if you did not it i know how kind and good you are to me mrs said but i pray you say nothing for me but m e the i have asked god s forgiveness and blessing on me and my baby and we must try to earn it promise me will you oh be be and i ll be after doing what you wish she wrapped the baby in its blanket carried it up the steps and put it in the mother s arms there god guide you the truth continued mrs o as her streaming eyes followed and what s truth good for but to serve the like of her that s been wronged by a false hearted villain bad luck to him i it would take a very nice to the national moral sense of good mrs o the of the irish tongue is in curious contrast with the truth of the irish heart a heart overflowing with enthusiasm and generosity and often instinctively grasping the best truth of life i am thinking said the master of the intelligence office as he was out two or three to to families in different and distant parts of the city i am thinking you don t know much of the world young woman i do not replied mournfully well then i do and i ll give you a hint or two it s a world child that s looking out pretty sharp for number one where each shows their fairest side and looks all round their fellow where them that have the upper hand you understand them what others thinks they have a right to require that they shall be honest and true and faithful and so on to the end of the chapter of what they call good character and not only that they be so but that they have been so all their lives the man that holds the purse may snap his fingers and be and do what he likes now there k can t be friendship in	6
this trade so what are the weak party to do but to make fight th best way they can but i see you don t altogether take my he continued perceiving was but half attentive and his spectacles which he had taken off in beginning his lecture on the social system you ll see my meaning in the application now ive asked no questions and you ve told no lies as the saying is but i know pretty much what s come and gone you see i understand all sorts of by your beauty by your cast down eyes with the tears standing on the by the lips that though too pretty for any thing but smiles look as if they would never smile again by the oh please sir give me the papers and let me go wait i have not come to it yet to the i feel like a father to you child i do now my advice is hold up your head you ve as much right and more i can tell you than many a mistress of a fine house look straight forward speak cheery and say you re a widow looked up with a glance of conscious integrity and he added with a slight why should you not say so you are left and that is the main part of being a widow left to provide for yourself and your young one and that s the distressing part of being one every body the widow and orphan and i should like to have any body tell me which is most complete a widow a woman whose husband is dead or you which the orphan a child whose father lies under ground or yours stretched out her hand for the and took them in silence but when she reached the door she turned and said with a voice so sweet and penetrating that it was oil to the wounded vanity of the man i thank you sir for m e wishing to help us but baby she added straining her little burden to her bosom we will be true we will keep our vow to god won t we he is merciful was merciful even to that poor woman that was brought before him by cruel men and if nobody will take us in on earth d may take us to himself and i think he will soon she walked on slowly and turning many streets till she reached the first address to which she had been referred there she was received and dismissed as she had been on the previous day and she went to look for the next but she soon began to feel sensations she had never felt before a pain and in the head and a general she dragged on a little way and then sat down gradually her mind became confused and she determined to turn back at once and make the best of her way to mrs o but to her dismay she could not remember the name of the street where she lived nor that of the intelligence office oh i am going mad she thought and thej will take my baby from me and making an effort to compose herself she sat down on a door step and to test her mind she counted the panes in the windows opposite all is right yet she thought as she went steadily on and finished her task but why cannot i remember the name of that street do you know she asked timidly of a man who was passing and who looked like one of those persons who know every thing of the sort do you know any street beginning with van bless me yes fifty there s and and oh stop there it s one of those are they near together m as near as east and west one is one side of the city and one the other and he passed briskly on poor sat down and repeated to herself the names till she was more at a loss than ever the by looked curiously at her and two or three insolent words to her she could endure it no longer and she went slowly on her head violently and she felt that her lips were and her pulse beating quick and hard her baby began to cry for food and seeing some upright boards resting against a house she crept under them to be sheltered from observation while she supplied her child s wants there were two little girls there before her eating merrily and from an basket oh my baby said aloud i am afraid this is the last time you will find any milk in your mother s breast the little beggar girls looked at her and offered her bread and meat oh thank you she said but i cannot eat if you would only get me a drink of cold water oh that we can as easy as not said one of them and fishing up a broken from the bottom of her basket she ran to a pump and filled it and again and again filled it as drank it or poured it on her burning throbbing head it s beginning to rain said one of the girls and i guess we had all better go home you look sick we ll carry your baby for you if your home is our way mt home no thank you my home is not your way the children went off slowly looking back and talking in a low tone and feeling as they had never quite felt before it was early in february and the days of course were short the weather had been soft and bright but as the evening approached the sky became clouded and a m rain began crept out of her place	6
talked about their beauty what are they now what will they soon be you feel it throb don t you i am not going to blame you now i have forgiven you i have prayed to god to forgive you oh how deadly pale you are now i now you feel for us now look at our poor little child she uncovered the poor little infant and raised it more from stupor than from sleep the half little thing uttered a feeble sickly moan oh god oh god she is dying is not she dying she grasped s arm can t something be done for her i have killed her i i have killed my baby it was you that were kind to us yesterday yes it was you i don t know where it was oh my head my head i for god s sake mamma let us take her home with us cried and she rushed to the door to look for her servant as she opened it voices and footsteps were heard descending the stairs she them not her mother did si now go instantly said oh no do not go cried attempting to grasp him but he her and unnoticed by them through throng of servants at the door threw himself into the first coach he saw and was driven away uttered one piercing shriek looked wildly around her and passing through the cluster of ladies pressing into the cloak room she passed unobserved by her behind miss who stood regardless of the pouring rain on the ordering her coachman to drive nearer the door when she returned to the cloak room it was filled with ladies and in the confusion of the there was much talk among them of the strange apparition that had glided out of the room as they entered mrs threw a cloak around her daughter say nothing she whispered they are both gone gone together mrs did not or affected not to hear her the next morning miss was twice summoned to breakfast before she appeared she had a sleepless and wretched night thinking of that helpless young sufferer ruined and in her extreme misery driven forth to the stormy elements there is not a moment in life than that in which a young hopeful generous creature and in those to whom nature has most closely bound her than that when in the freedom of her own purity and love of goodness and faith in truth she the selfishness the sordid calculations the conventional of the world happy for her if in disgust she does not turn away from it happy if m t use does not bring her to stoop from her high position most happy if like him who came to the sick she fulfil her mission and remain in the world not of it went through the form of breakfast and taking up the morning paper and passing her eye over it her attention was fixed by the following paragraph at the a young woman so calling herself was taken up by a during the violence of the storm last night with a dead infant in her arms a rich velvet lined with fur was wrapped round the child nothing but could be extracted from the woman she was committed for stealing the a jury of is called to sit upon the child which they have not yet been able to force from the mother s arms good heavens what is the matter are you faint asked the mother shook her head and rang the bell while she gave mrs the paragraph to read daniel she said to the servant who answered the bell go to dr and ask him to come to me immediately stop daniel ask gray as you go along to send me a carriage directly what now miss are you going to the yes not with my permission without it then ma am unless you bolt the doors upon me the doctor will go with me there is no and no in my going and i shall never be happy again if i do not go oh my dear mother continued she bursting into tears i have suffered agonies this night thinking of that poor young woman but they are nothing nothing to the misery of hearing you last night defend that bad man and bring me reason upon reason why it was to be expected m and what often happened and what no one thought of a man for that he loaded with q od s good gifts should make a prey and victim of a trusting loving woman and she should he cast out of the pale of humanity turned from our doors driven forth to perish in the storm oh it is monstrous monstrous was too strong for her mother she made no further opposition hut merely murmured in a voice that did not reach her daughter s ear there does seem to he but it appears different when one knows the world the door of s cell was opened by the and miss and the physician were admitted it was a room twice the size of those allotted to single occupants there were already two women of the most hardened character in it besides a young girl not sixteen committed for she her eyes filled with tears was bathing s head with cold water while the women looking like two were one another of having stolen from the one a handkerchief the other a ring s dead infant was on her arm while she half raised on her elbow bent over it she had wrapped her cloak and the only blanket on the bed around it she is so cold she said i have tried all night to warm her she grows colder and colder cannot this young woman be moved to a more	6
partially enveloped the seed ned the same kind office for the spider and completed the disguise which if the reader should think clumsy and ill fitting i beg him to attribute to he of my description and not to any want of talent in this actor the flies were evidently aware of the presence of their enemies and also seemed to know probably by their wanting the fl and attractive which they were for while the seed had one or more tenants h who held a proportion to the others of one to had only chance and r p ent a difficulty here naturally m what led the flies if they knew the real from the feigned seeds to seek their destruction its attempted solution probably the most singular fact connected with the subject a happy after the for so ne time would carelessly away to the first bright object near him unable to perceive or regardless of danger can it be that the liquid has proved too strong for his weak head and he fails to see clearly after deep or does his sense of smell which alone him to friend from foe become and by his draughts and he falls a victim whilst trusting to his eyes which merely trace the resemblance little does it matter what are the precise circumstances it is sufficient that the spider is provided with food while it affords an instance of that nice of the to the end and of that wondrous instinct and sagacity which is often so displayed by nature in these and other insect tribes and not more strikingly in the more remote as in those that are most familiar to us yet how few are aware that an insect which our houses taking up its quarters in our bed chambers nay even tn our beds and on a species of ver with which we are most of us ac as in some few houses are ee from them is in its own way as an actor as the subject of our sketch i allude to the of the bear which its prey by assuming the appearance of those of and dust that the floor b our beds succeeding in this character by itself in a mantle of down and tiny in the seed covers now occupied by the spider i often found a pale yellow silken purse well stored with young of this it was almost impossible to the mother for with true maternal affection sooner than part with it she would suffer herself to be torn limb from limb it may be asked how in the the managed to the seeds whose position they occupied the most natural reply is that they merely take possession after the ds have devoured them for it is probable that these are their proper food and not the insects as i had at first l be the birds come to feed on the and tear the seeds from their delicate foot in the endeavour to find their prey in whose appearance they may be as often deceived as the flies themselves it be confessed however that this latter conjecture is neither so simple nor so plausible as the former the complicated relations of plant bird and insect form one of those beautiful between the different of nature which the st so delighted to the plant affords to the d its daily bread with protection and shade from the sun and it may be materials for a nest as i have seen in other parts of the forest chiefly from branches on the banks of rivers and a small structure woven with delicate threads similar to the of the seeds the bird in return the of the plant by dropping its seeds on the boughs of various trees and shrubs thus it to obey that of the creator increase and by the numbers of the plants it the quantity of food available for itself its offspring and its kindred an of another of the wise of nature which makes the good and natural action and an action is only good in so fat as it is natural bring its own reward and the bad and unnatural one its own punishment the spider is indebted to the plant for the means and to the bird for the opportunity of catching its prey the plant supplies food to the fly and it in turn the nourishment of the spider how many are the of this harmony which we understand how many more kind offices may the members of one kingdom perform for those of tho other which are beyond the range of our knowledge but i have reached my assigned limit and must reserve other notes on this interesting family of insects to another opportunity vow price s d bound in doth tile volume of household words from to both the ho of events for the last rice household words o flag on the pole the ice broke up so did the victory after a escape the party found a searching vessel and arrived home after an absence of four years and five months sir john having lost his ship and won his reputation the friend in need was made a for his sir john was for all his losses and the crew liberally taken care of sir james l had a rod and flag ma pole given to him a new crest by the her college for which he was no doubt greatly the better we have sailed northward to get into l strait the high road into bay along the shore are in boats extremely active but these filthy creatures we pass by the in strait are like the of the coast by intercourse w th european these are not true pictures of the loving children of the north our phantom on the wide waters of bay grave of its familiar as the story is of hem t s fate for john	8
king s sake how gladly we repeat it sailing on the waters he discovered in his men the was aided by henry green a prodigal whom had generously from ruin the master and his son with six sick or members of the crew were driven from their forced into a little and com helpless to the water and the ice but there was one stout man john king the carpenter who stepped into the boat his companions and chose rather to die than even be in so foul a crime john king we who live after will remember you here on an island island near our entrance to the bay in poor captain james with his wrecked crew this is a point outside the circle but quite cold enough of nights with a good fire in the house they built co their beds and the cook s water in a metal pan before the fire was on one side and on the other here it and extremely at which time we looking from the shore towards the ship she appeared a piece of ice in the fashion of a ship or a ship resembling a piece of ice here the who had lost his leg that for the little time he had to live he might drink sack altogether he died and was buried in the ice far from the vessel but when afterwards two more were dead of and the others in a miserable state were working with faint hope about their shattered vessel the was found to have returned home to the old vessel his leg had penetrated through a port hole they him clear out m d he was as free from the record says as when we first him to the sea this alteration had the ice and water and only wrought on him that i his flesh would slip up and down upon his bones like a glove on a man s hand iu the evening we buried him by the others these worthy souls laid up with the agonies of knew that in action was their only hope they forced their limbs to labour among ice and water every day they set about the building of a boat but the hard frozen wood had broken all their so they made shift with the pieces to fell a tree it was first requisite to light a fire around it and the carpenter could only labour ith his wood over a fire or else it was like stone under his tools before the boat was made they buried the carpenter the captain them to put their trust in god his will be done f it be our fortune to nd our days here we are as near heaven as in england they all protested to work to the utmost of their strength and that they would refuse nothing that i should order them to do to the utmost hazard of their lives i thanked them all truly the north pole has its triumphs if we took no account of the fields of trade opened by our if we thought nothing of the wants of science in comparison with the lives lost in supplying them is not the loss of life a which proves and the fortitude of noble hearts and teaches us respect for human nature all the lives that have been lost among these regions are less in number than the dead upon a battle field the battle field inflicted shame upon our race is it with shame that our hearts throb in following these heroes l arch st says captain james was very cold with snow and hail which pinched our sick men more than time this year this evening being eve we returned late from our work to our house and made a good fire and chose ladies and wore their names in our caps endeavouring to revive ourselves by any means on the th i a little patch of ground that was bare of snow and it with hoping to have some shortly to eat for as yet we could see no green thing t o comfort us those saved the party as they came up the young shoots were boiled and eaten so their health began to mend and they recovered from their eventually after other perils they succeeded in making their escape a strait called sir thomas s leads due north out of ay being parted by island from the strait through which we entered its name is quaint for so was its fox a worthy man much to fox sailed from london in the same year in which james sailed from they were rivals ing in straits fox dined on board his friendly rival s vessel which w very unfit for the service upon which it went tile sea washed over them and came into the cabin so says fox would not have been wanted if there had been roast mutton t words and do it with tile speed of here we are already ill the of tile we can do no more than remark that if air and water are heated at the ud frozen at the poles there will be and nt currents caused and so it happens so we get the prevailing winds and all the of the ocean of these some of the uses but by no means all are obvious we urge our l tom to the southern pole here over the other of the earth there shines another here of heaven the stars are changed the southern cross the clouds the coal sack in the way attract our notice now we are iu the southern latitude that to england in the north nay at a greater distance from the pole we s land emphatically called the isle of desolation float much further into the warm sea on this side of the before they the south pole is evidently a more thorough than the	8
bear don t cry so loud bony is not here she told me that i did not know that and the words my very hem t i hid my face on her shoulder md of the rest of the a i remember nothing the next was a brilliant autumn and i saw the wide stretch of coast and broad expanse of sea for the first time for some months we were brought down to our own beach again when the heaving with its glittering tract to the eastward was seen without ship or boat upon it for the boats were drawn up along the whole coast here the fires had been visible it was supposed that the l fleet of had passed on to the westward but by degrees it came out that the hole was a prodigious mistake the and the country people whom they hm l got to help them with the sea wm had been in the habit all the summer of burning wood as against the of the marsh and on concluding their work some of the lads had fed the little fu e into one so visible from a distance as to be taken by the for the of a out rang their bells forth ent the new gathering force and fulness at eve y step m d the consequence was the firing of the all along the coast it was a consolation dear to the hearts of many to their dying day that the p me minister was out of his sleep the next night to hear bout our town and our and our and that our doings were heard of by king george the third himself who was r in fact almost as much interested in bony s landing as we were we were a set of people from that day except that a heap of wood lay where our cottage had stood the scene l to everybody else just the same as usual but to me it was wonderfully changed since i had seen it last the sea wall had been built and the whole marsh had quite changed in appearance no more water had flowed in and a vast deal had drained out there were no g pools and little streams and the land was almost as dark as the along its edge was a broad firm walk on which now placed and by which we could reach the hard sands to the west in a few minutes without the of feet i was told that the le and the boys of the whole neighbourhood were so eager about the new work and pay and so son t when the sea w was finished that it was thought that another work would answer and a to the town across the part of the ra sh was planned it was likely to pay well in time by a very small toll and as the along the coast would tr c in the to vn every day of the week the shops would have their custom and the would be glad of a constant supply of fish the doctors said the wall and would be paid for presently if toll was taken from the average number of persons that would have had the fever if the marsh had remained as it was the mere saving from so much illness though it was the least part of the good was such as to justify a free expenditure on such improvements what the doctors said was confirmed by experience from that time the fever lessened year by year as the mm sh dried up till at last and that was before i was in my it became a matter of public information and serious inquiry when a case of fever occurred in the town before that time the marsh had changed its aspect again and it was very ugly while it was black brown water through its and the sands at low then it was covered by degrees with a grass and in july we saw it dotted over with of meadow bay such as cattle would not take if they could get anything better then we saw more and more beasts there and patches of it upon d when once a was taken off one corner of it the improvement went on rapidly the rent that it is rather low still but i have seen more loads of potatoes and can ed from it than of carried to it and in a few years there were thin crops of waving in the breeze as the fish carts pass to the town along the clean sandy with hedges and green fields on either hand it is difficult to believe how within the remembrance of many of the v m m tiie map fog a nd tiie sea breeze sea hovered over the the only creature that gathered any other harvest there than that of disease and death but i have got ou a long way from the morning after tile invasion as the people used to call that panic flow we who were burnt out were to be was the first question on a hint from the doctor i was kindly received in tile nearest my mother and her other children found corners in tile neighbours houses for a time in a week s time i was quite able to take care of myself and in another week i was at play on the sands again and even earning money iu a curious sort of way on the sea wall the station house was as clean as a s meeting and in fine air of by day i l y on the dry grass in the sun and by night i slept and oh so soundly on little in the corner of a room where the floor was our plates at home ever were and where the window was open all day and left a	8
of age now over the window to bring himself as near to the as possible he whispers in a broad scotch accent i am destitute i came up from scotland to find one m and i va t find him and i have spent all my money i have not a left i want a night s lodging reserve the no words in a case like this sir go over to the officer and ask him to give this young man a night in the casual ward the policeman and the half go out together that is a tale remarks the evidently a fortune seeking young we venture to conjecture who has come to london upon too slight an invitation and with too slender a purse he has an honest face and won t know want he may die lord mayor the is not sanguine in such cases he nay he says there is a great commotion in the outer office looking through the window we see a stout bustling woman who herself as a three female witnesses and two this procession moves towards the window yet we look in vain for a prisoner the prisoner is iu truth invisible on the floor of the dock so one of his guards is ordered to mount him on a bench he is a handsome dirty boy about the age of seven though he says he is nine the makes her charge last sunday sir if you please sir x keep a cigar and s shop this here little breaks one of my windows and the moment after x loses a box of value asks the already entering the charge after one sharp look at the child value sir well i ll say eight pence well sir to night again just before shutting up x hears another pane go i looks out and x sees this same little a running i runs after him and hands him over to the police the child does not exhibit the smallest sign of fear or sorrow he does not even he tells his name and address when asked them in a straightforward business like manner as if he were quite used to the whole proceeding he is locked up and the is desired to appear before the magistrate in the morning to her charge k child so young a professional thief ah these are the most distressing cases we have to deal with the number of children brought here either as prisoners or as having been lost is from five to six thousand per crime and its the neglect of children by their parents is still on the increase that s the experience of the whole force if some place were provided at which neglected children could be made to pass their time instead of in the market and streets say in schools provided by the nation would very much m i believe sir and i speak the sentiments of many experienced officers in the force that it would be much lessened and that the expense of such would be saved in a very short time out of the police and county let alone morality altogether and the his writing for a little while we are left to think to the of the clock there are six hundred and fifty six gentlemen in the english house of in london there is not one of household words sir keep your eye on her take care she don t make away with anything and send for its green the accused sits in a co of the dock quite composed with her arms under her dirty shawl and says nothing the folds a charge sheet and his pen in the ink ow sir your name if you p ease ba a that can t be your name sh what name does he say the second seriously his ear the being a short man and the second a ta l one he says his name s bat sir getting at it after a good deal ot trouble where do you live mr bat and what are you what business are you mr bat says mr bat collecting dignity profession is it very good sir what s your profession returns mr bat of have you lost anything besides your watch sh i am nor aware lost any ry says mr bat the has been looking at the watch do you value this watch at sir ten pound says la bat with unexpected hardly worth so much as that i should think five pound five says mr bat i how much i m not par t ce this word costs mr bat a tremendous effort the war it s not my war it s a of my if it belongs to a friend of yours you wouldn t like to lose it i suppose i says mr bat i m nor any ways par me the war it s a of my which he afterwards at intervals scores of times always as an entirely novel idea brings charge sheet to window reads same to ir bat you charge this woman sir her name age and address have been previously taken with you of your watch i won t trouble you to sign the sheet as you are not in good writing order you ll have to be here this morning it s now two at a quarter before ten never get up till bar par says mr bat with decision you have to be hero this morning the placidly at a er before ten if you don t come we shall have to send for you and that might be unpleasant stay a bit n ow look here i have written it down ba to be in bow street quarter before ten or i even say to make it easier to you a er past there quarter past ten now let me fold this up and put it in your pocket	8
not help expressing a at the miserable quarter provided fi r one who had so important a charge and such costly to make my host however treated the matter very everything he observed is good or bad by comparison and wretched as the accommodation appeared to me who had been accustomed to the large airy houses of he seemed to be quite satisfied indeed he told me that when he had finished putting up this little c b had moved in his one table and chair and was seated cigar mouth inside the still damp mud walls he thought himself the happiest of mortals i lt somewhat curious to know where he had dwelt previous to the of this unique building whether he had perched up in the forest trees or in holes in the rocks like the wild of i as told that his first habitation when work up there was then suspended over my head i looked up to the dark dusty roof and perceived a bundle of what i conceived to be old dirty brown paper or skin perceiving my utter ignorance of the arrangement he took words b of salary which would be paid to an at the if that appear to be the case perhaps the will be bestowed in for it will not be felt out of the public salary received by s me kind gentleman at home for after or would our different coloured sticks and make up the amount between them if the of a great nation exists now on the continent we know not how we could exert more influence upon its future character than by filling its first annals with such wholesome glory as the of science captain the east india company s at h also recently requested the to establish a reflecting on the l hills there raised above the lower shifting air tents and clouds under a bright sky the finest occupied point of observation in the world probably would be at his command the company ha permitted him to erect such a but gives him to understand that he must do so at his own expense true to science the philosopher will pinch his purse and screw out of his salary the money that will e knowledge for the human race some perhaps hints that if the post of observation be so good the star will be repaid by fame but fame will neither roast nor n or boil iv an is composed of two parts mind and body one of which likes fame the other mutton fame is not paid out of any and a man can no more repay service with that with a gift of sunshine of service all depend on the necessities of flesh and blood minds do the work but bodies wan t the payment the east india company is usually liberal towards its servants and we trust that it will think twice in the present instance the blast of war for ages o er the da ken d earth like some gigantic of eastern fable it long has fill d it with a moral love s sunshine with a wing of with the fatal birth of sin it grew and strengthen d with spread of nations each region with the strife of kin where of new fix d their stations it d its poison on the heart of man and fired his hot d blood to madness through all the race the deadly plague spot ran and thickly sow d the seeds of woe and sadness and reap d the fruit they bore homes were made desolate in field and city and tears of mingled with the which foes shed freely without t th or pity but now the monster faint with age its wings feebly which were once expanded love streaming down h s melted martial rage those meet in peace who once for fight were that a person deeply in thought s ou d like walk along in a state of prodigious no surprise from the of the occurrence but that any one should when fast asleep go through a series of complicated actions which seem to demand the of the senses while closed ordinary impressions is indeed marvellous less to account for this mysterious slate of bein th to arrange such a series of f ts m inquiry into the subject we have assembled several ous regarding not m y years ago e occurred at the police office at of woman who was charged with a man while he was walking in his sleep du ng the d along high street in the when it was proved in evidence that he was in the habit of walking in his fits through cr he w a by t de and it was stated in that it was not an uncommon thing for him to asleep while at work on the yet he never met with any accident d would answer questions put to him if he were aw ke in like manner we are informed that dr the of medicine at oxford would in a fit of preach an eloquent e and some ot the sermons of a lady who was h the habit of preaching in her sleep have been deemed worthy of publication we remember meeting with fl e c e of an italian servant who w a and and who enjoyed the character of being better when he was than when ihe w awake every book on the subject the anecdote which h been recorded of the blind poet dr wh on one occasion rose from his bed to which he had retired at an early hour came into the room where his family were assembled with them at in them th a ant song and then ed to his bed and when he woke had not the least of what he had done her however on the very hold of the mystery we meet with	8
this difficulty were these persons when they pe the actions described pa awake or were they really in a state of profound sleep in this problem we shall proceed to consider some of the phenomena of ing only that if we avail of c es which the r der may before have net with it is to throw light on wh t we may perhaps household words edward is surrounded by and lords justice cries the count upon the men of who have set upon and slain my people the king sends immediately the powerful earl h who happens to be near reminds him that is under his government and orders him to repair to and do military execution on the inhabitants it does not become you says the proud earl in reply to condemn a hearing those whom you have sworn to protect i refuse to do it the king therefore summoned the earl on pain of and the loss of his titles and property to appear before the court to answer this the earl refused to appear he his eldest son and his second son hastily raised as many fighting men as their utmost power could collect and demanded to have count and his followers surrendered to the justice of the country the king in his turn refused to give them up and raised a strong force after some treaty and delay the troops of the great earl and his sons began to fall off the earl with a part of his family and abundance of treasure sailed to escaped to ireland and the power of the family was for that time gone in england but the people did not forget them then edward the with the true meanness of a mean spirit visited his dislike of the once powerful father and sons upon the helpless and sister his wife whom all who saw her her husband and his loved lie seized upon her fortune and her je and allowing her only one attendant confined her in a gloomy of which a sister of his no doubt an unpleasant lady after his own heart was or having got earl and his six sons well out of his way the king favored the more than ever he invited over william duke of nor the son of that duke who had received him and his murdered brother long ago and of a peasant girl a s daughter with whom that duke had fallen in love for her beauty as he saw her washing clothes in a brook william who was a great warrior with a passion for fine horses dogs and arms accepted the invitation and the in england finding themselves more numerous than ever when he arrived with his and held in still honour at court than before became and more haughty towards the people i and were more and more disliked by them i the old earl though he was abroad i knew well how the people felt for with part of the treasure he had carried away with him i he kept and agents in his pay all over england accordingly he thought the time i was come for fitting out a great expedition against the loving king with it he sailed to the isle of where he was joined by his son the most gallant and i brave of all his family and so the father and son came sailing up the thames to great numbers of the people declaring for them and shouting for the english earl and the english against the the king was at first as blind and stubborn as kings usually have been they have been in the hands of but the people rallied so thickly round the old earl and his son and the old earl was so steady in demanding without the restoration of himself and his family to their rights that at last the court took the alarm the of and the bishop of london surrounded by their fought their way out of london and escaped from in a fishing boat to france the other dispersed in all directions the old earl and his sons except who had committed crimes against the law were restored to their possessions and di o and the virtuous and lovely queen of the insensible king was triumphantly released from her prison the and once more sat in her chair of state arrayed in the jewels of which when she had no champion to support her rights her mean cold blooded husband had deprived her the old earl did not long his restored fortune he fell down in a at the king s table and died upon the third day afterwards succeeded to his power and to a far higher place in the attachment of the people than his father had ever held by his he subdued the king s enemies in many bloody fights he was vigorous against in scotland this was the time when upon which event our english shakespeare hundreds of years afterwards wrote his great tragedy and he killed the restless king g th and brought his head to england what wa doing at sea w en he wa driven on the french coast by a tempest is not at all certain nor does it at all matter that his ship was by a storm forced on that shore and that he was taken prisoner there is no doubt in those barbarous da all strangers were taken prisoner and obliged to pay so a certain count who was the lord of where s disaster happened seized him instead of him like a hospitable and christian lord as he ought to have done and expected to make a very good thing of it but sent off immediately to duke william of complaining of this treatment and the duke no sooner heard of it than he ordered to be escorted to the ancient town of where he then was and where he	8
received him as an honored now some writers tell us that edward t he who was by this time old and had no children had made a will duke william of his successor and had informed the duke of his having done so there is no doubt that he was household words his life but cannot find acceptance at any life office by reason of health or of a age at the date of this each will be required to give either personally or by a selected from the associates with the approval of the three lectures in each year one in london the others at the or some public building suited for the purpose in the principal provincial towns considering the many duties time and attention that will on the he will not be required to give more than lecture which if delivered by a he will health permitting be expected to compose himself and that in the these lectures will be subject to the direction and control of the managing body of the they will usually relate to letters or art and will invariably avoid all ground of politics or it will be the endeavour of the committee to address them to points on which the public may be presumed to be interested and to require and information to make them in short an and improving feature of the time the duties of associates will be defined and fixed by the council consisting of the w the and a certain number of the associates themselves according to the previous studies and peculiar talent of each whether in assistance to any learned bodies societies for the of knowledge c or as funds increase and the of the institution themselves in co towards works of national interest and importance but on subjects of a nature more popular and at a price more accessible than those which usually from professed it is well to add that while on every account it is deemed desirable to to the receipt of a salary the performance of a duty it is not intended that such duty should make so great a demand upon the time and labour either of or associate as to deprive the public of their services in those in which they have gained distinction or to divert their own efforts for independence from their accustomed professional pursuits the design of the institution proposed is to select for the appointment of who will be elected for life those writers and artists of established reputation and generally of mature years or if young in i health to whom the income attached to the appointment maybe an object of honorable desire while the office of associate is intended partly for those whose toils or merits axe less known to the general public than their professional brethren and partly for those in earlier life who give promise of future eminence and to whom a temporary income of one hundred pounds a year may be of essential m d permanent service there are few men engaged in art or letters even though their labours may have raised them into comparative wealth who cannot look back to some period of struggle in which an income so humble have saved them from many a pang and perhaps from the necessity of stooping their to occupations at with the higher aims of their career an associate may therefore be chosen for life or for one or more years according to the nature of his claims and the discretion of the with the view of bringing this project into general notice sir edward besides a gift of hind has written a new comedy and presented it to the friends associated with him in the of the scheme they will act it first before her majesty at house and afterwards publicly over and above the profits that may arise from these representations the of the comedy both for acting and being given to the association has already enabled it to a handsome sum of money many of our readers are aware that this company of actors has been for some time in existence its public existence was accidental it was originally formed for the private amusement of a leisure hour to urgent entreaty it then had the good fortune to render service to the one of the most useful and most necessary institutions ever founded in this it was subsequently enabled to yield assistance to three distinguished literary men all of whom her has since placed on the list and entirely to support one of them for nearly three years it is now about to renew its exertions for the cause we have set forth to that its members do not merely seek their own entertainment and display easily by far less troublesome and responsible means is to them the not very exalted praise of being neither fools nor the of literature and art may be a good name or a bad name the details of this mere suggestions at present and not to be proceeded with until much shall have been patiently done may be perfect or most imperfect the retirement proposed may be taken for granted to be everything that it is not intended to be and still we conceive the real question to remain untouched it is whether literature shall continue to be an exception from all other professions and pursuits in having no resource for its distressed and divided followers but in aid or whether it is good that they should be united of one another and independent l o child can suppose that the profits of the comedy alone will be sufficient for such n as is sought to be established it words and who consequently had it all to learn wm appointed as the engineer of this commission after a s labour at this new study having every help from the able assistant and of the commission and all manner of suggestions hints and from	8
are nothing less than an of on of beings whose remains have the bottom of the ocean been subsequently lifted up in chalk beds of thickness the ocean is not only a it of its soil to pile np until they reach the highest water mark it catches nuts and seeds into its its and them on foreign shores it them upon the bald little island and there soon grows thereupon a busy crop busy old ocean a and carries it upon a current fat out of sight of come with me good little men and the old fellow and he shoots them presently upon the island lie has made and there they live and their descendants people it the sea bore no part assisted by the trade wind in getting over the first ships from europe to america these ocean currents play a large part in the history of man but as we must l leave ourselves a little time to talk about the waves because they are precisely what rules you know all about the tides only as hi says of his latin we better make as if you didn t the rise of tide is caused of course by the attractive forces of the sun and moon mainly exerted as we said on the south there should be two tides to each one on its upper and one on its lower four tides a day but the attraction of the lady moon being as it ought to be six times greater than that of the sun who is a distant gentleman she the sun s tide to a mere when the gentleman and lady pull together then the sun s pull adds one of height to every five feet produced by the moon and makes a spring tide when the sun and moon pull in opposite directions and the sun wants a high tide where the moon wants low water from every six feet of the moon s tide the sun is able t take one away and tides are the consequence the varying of the tide at the same place depending on the varying degree of conducted b between master and mistress in the sky in different places however the height of the same tide considerably from three inches to thirty feet this depends on the of the land the great title wave in the ocean has its whole course directed by the coast lines it flows into the indian ocean where it finds no northern outlet and breaks violently on the shores of rushing into the ready mouths of the it produces the great bore of the it should flow into the p but it finds that ocean by innumerable islands and coral there is no deep mass of water and the runs weakly up the western coast of america not far between and leaving the shores of china and with the great mass of the pacific islands wholly unaffected by the wave into the atlantic it breaks round the point of africa the wave that struck the south shore of new the cape fifteen hours afterwards and passes on up the atlantic touching africa on one america upon the other by the line of coast after another fifteen hours of travel it is ready to come down upon cape clear cape clear and land s end are struck by the wave in the next hour which then its impulse through the irish and st george s channels the rate of movement of the tide wave depends the nature and depth of the sea bottom with a depth of one its rate is eight miles an hour and with one hundred eighty miles an hour while through deep water of a thousand it is at the speed of about four miles a minute thus the same which touched cape clear passes in little more than au hour on the atlantic side to touch the i yet takes four hours in working up the irish channel only to so also it is a seven hours journey for the tide along st george s channel from land s end to london which is about the time it occupied in travelling from l io to york the tide at london is however ruled by the stronger wave that has rolled round the and descended thence in about fifteen hours through the ocean to reach london bridge on the third day after its start from the great southern sea a glance at the map will v how small a part of the at impulse can be communicated to the through the straits of accordingly we find a tide of only thirteen on the coast of africa near to the straits and two three four or five inches in more protected parts channel opens like a to receive the shock of the tide wave entering the irish sea and there we have a tide of thirty feet what we have said about the crystal words points for the second day after i arrived in london where we got in june i was taken very bad of fever and i was obliged to keep my bed for two months but th be to god i soon got better a d my old who during my illness had gone to boston and had promised to return to london again as soon as his business was settled but he did not for poor fellow he was taken with the same complaint that i had as soon as he arrived in boston and died in a week after he got home so now being left to myself again and being tired of going to sea i intended to settle myself on shore with this intent i went to ir who was owner of several here the used to ge and take in their and spoke to him mid told him my intention likewise to ask what the best use would be that i could	8
make of my and lie was very kind to me and told me that i had best put my money in the bank that i should have employment at any wharf that had that was a mind to choose and now having this point settled i got to come to and that is that during my illness a young woman that used to on me i found that i got very fond of her and i could see by the attention she paid me that i was not indifferent to her and as i was going to stop on shore i thought i wanted a wife and after a little courtship i gained her consent and we got married at st s church which is in street in the on the th day of december i had taken a little house in vine yard close to stairs and having money i set up a little shop to sell es v nd potatoes and wood and and thanks be to god me my wife we done t well for i used to go every day to work at the wh and vessels and my wife minded the shop and so things went on quite comfortable till the latter part of july when a strange accident occurred which put an end to all my happiness for a long time the case was this my wife s mother in law was a woman greatly given to drink and she used to come to my wife and get things upon trust and go and spend the money in drink and having m up a pretty good score my wife spoke to her about it but she being half abused my wife and struck her xl bland seeing the ir down and told me of it my house was close to the wharf where i was working and i ran up directly and ordered her out of the house and told her not to come there any more and a good many words passed between us and at last she told me she would make me sorry for sing her out of doors but did not mind her but i soon had occasion to be sorry what had happened for the war between france and england h l broke put again and the press was very hot and my wife s in law went to the lieutenant of the l gang informed against me that i was a man and served my time at sea and about half p t ten o clock that evening just when i was going to shut my shop up the press gang came and took me too i had a for it before i was for i knocked the first two down that came into my house but i was soon overpowered and was taken by and taken down to the boat which they had brought to s and from there i was taken on board the rise which lay at tower where i was put both legs in irons and my hands tied behind me and there i laid till the morning when me and some more pressed men were put on board of a tender and sent down to the big ore on board of the old n which lay there and next morning i was sent on board of the ten gun to be sent round to where we ra on the th of august and now having come a little to myself you may depend my feelings and my mind none of the best the chief that grieved me was thinking about my for i knew she was about seven months gone in the family way but the only way i had left to do her any good was to write to her and having by good luck three guineas in my pocket which i put there in the evening before i was pressed to pay for some potatoes in the morning which had bought i went and some paper and pens and ink and i wa a letter to my landlord mr bland and told him where i was and i told him to go to mr the gentleman that had my money for him to get two for me would come to about sixty pounds per man and to let me know how my wife was and to be sure not to let my wife s mother in law come there directed this letter to mr bland for fear if directed it to my own house it might have been stopped i remained on of the three days after we arrived at l and then i was sent on board of the royal william which lay fl ship at and now all my hopes being at an end of getting an ra to my letter as my letter would be directed to the i turned to and wrote ain and told them i was but might have saved myself the trouble for i was only three days on board of the l william before i was to the of seventy four guns and she was bound to the east indies for to take out a of merchant ships we sailed fr m in the beginning of september and i left england with heavy heart not ha ing heard from nay friends i often thought that none of my letters had gone and being very careless of myself i gave way to all s of gambling cursing and which brought me continually into trouble house hold wo by we all were very comfortable on d of her till the th day of when we fell in with an english who had lost her and by running foul of an and she lost five men when the accident happened so had only four men left our captain asked us if we would go on board of the to assist our countrymen and we ag to	8
go on board of the and you may depend we left the ship with a heavy heart for they all had been so kind to us aud our old captain was kind enough to give us a spare for to a jury and he told the of the to pay the price of the to us if it pleased god to send him safe into port we all thanked the captain heartily his kindness towards us and we parted company now the that we got on board of was called the spring flower belonging to liverpool and she was l st fi om port royal bound to she sailed from port royal under of a but being very deeply laden and a very dull sailor she lost the in a gale of wind and a few days afterwards she had the misfortune to run foul of an and lost her and and five of her men when we came on board of the we found the master two men and a boy and us six coming on board made ten altogether and we turned to with a good will and got our up and our jury and which with god s help we finished the second day so that we were able to set a gallant sail for a fore and a lower sail for a and a for a now the captain of the being well pleased with our work and seeing we were very short of clothing and especially when he h ard how we got on d of the ship was kind enough to give us the men s clothes that had been drowned for our use and the mate of the being he made me mate in his stead for i w the only man out of the whole that could read and write now the had been out a long time at sea and though she was bound to england we could not attempt a passage to england in that time of the year and the state the vessel was in the island of was the nearest land to us so we for where we arrived safe on the rd day of now when we got to there being one of the owner s agents there we discharged our cargo and the bein found unfit to go to sea w a thorough repair we were paid off and the captain paid us the same wages that would have been due to his old crew that had been drowned and the agent gave the twenty five dollars to divide amongst me and my for ourselves in bringing the spring flower safe into port and now being upon my own hands again aud ha ring a little money and a few clothes me and my old the man on board of a called the about one hundred and twenty tons burden and she was bound to one of the west india islands and we sailed fi om on the nd day of april aud we arrived at the island of after a pleasant passage the latter end of april and i on board of the from one island to another till august and i had made a good bit of money by this time when on the th day of august we were coming up to and i had the middle watch it was just after two o clock in the morning for i had just been relieved from the the weather being very thick and we were run down by a ge called the ann of london she came down upon us so quick and unawares that i had only just time to get hold of her and i out to the re of them that was on deck but only one beside myself had the good fortune to save himself and that was the mate of the the rest of the crew six in number found a watery grave the captain of the big ann tried the best that he could do for he his ship to directly and lowered two boats down and pulled about in our direction we could not see anything of the or of the unfortunate crew so everything was quiet again on board and made sail again the captain called the mate and me and asked us the about our and we told him all we knew about it he sent us down below and told us to lay down till the morning and he would see what he could do for us but for my part i could not sleep and i believe my partner in misfortune was the same for i heard him getting up every now and then and singing out for one of his old or singing out hard a there she comes went to him and tried to quiet him but it was of no use for by the morning he was mad and the captain and some of the l did all they could for him by bleeding him and giving him what they thought would do him good but all was of no use for he died the next day about four o clock in the afternoon and now i being the only one that was saved from the s crew however all well and hearty only twenty four hours ago i knelt down and thanked tho almighty of all good for his wonderful mercy towards me and i felt greatly relieved afterwards now the ship that i was in was from london bound to port royal and she had a good many passengers on board and the captain was kind enough to make a collection for me and he collected forty seven dollars for me which he gave me in the name of the passengers for the loss of my clothes and i returned them my sincere thanks for their kindness household words and to receive what placid amusement he co from	8
watching the little to and i fro of the villagers he could not move from his bed to his chair without hell one hot and june day all the village turned out to the hay fields only the very old aud the very young remained the old father of whom i have spoken was carried out to in the sunshine that afternoon as usual and his son and daughter went to the hay making but when they home in the early evening their father had disappeared was gone and from that day forwards nothing more was ever heard of the old lady who told this story said with the that marked the simplicity of her that every inquiry which her father could make was made and that it could never be accounted for one had observed any stranger in the village no small household robbery to which the old man might have been supposed an obstacle had been committed in his son s dwelling that afternoon the son and daughter in law noted too for their attention to the helpless father had been a field among all the the whole of the time in short it never was accounted for and left a painful impression on many i will answer it the police would have a ever fact relating to it in a week this story from its mystery was painful but had no consequences to make it the next which i shall tell and although these anecdotes of which i relate in this paper are correctly repeated and were believed by my to be strictly true had consequences and melancholy ones too the scene of it is in a little country town surrounded by the estates of several gentlemen of large property about a hundred years ago there lived in this small to vn an attorney with his mother and sisters he was agent for one of the near and received rents for him on stated days which of course were well known he went at these to a small public house five miles from where the tenants met him paid their rents and were entertained at afterwards one night he did not return from this he never returned the gentleman whose agent he was employed the of the time to him and the missing cash the mother whose support and he i was s him with all the perseverance of faithful love but he never returned and by and by the rumour spread that he must have gone abroad with the money his mother heard the whispers all around her aud could not it and so her broke and she died years after i think as many as fifty the well to do butcher and of died bnt before his death he confessed that he had way laid ir on the heath close to the town almost within call of his own house intending only to rob him but meeting with more resistance than he m had been provoked to him and had buried him that very night deep under the loose sand of the heath there his skeleton was found but too late for his poor mother to know that his fame was cleared his sister too was dead for no one liked the possibilities which might arise from being com with the family none cared if he w guilty or innocent now if our police had only been in existence this last is hardly a story of disappearance it is only for in one generation ut never to be accounted for on any supposition are not uncommon among the traditions of the last century i have heard and i think i have read it in one of the earlier numbers of chambers s j of a marriage which took place in about the ear it was not then de that the happy couple should set out on a wedding journey but instead they and their friends had a merry jovial dinner at the house ot either bride or groom and in this instance the whole party to the bridegroom s residence and some to in the garden some to rest in the house until the dinner hour the bridegroom it is to be supposed was with his bride when he was suddenly summoned away by a domestic who said that a stranger wished to speak to him and he was never seen more the same tradition hangs about an old deserted hall standing in a wood near there too the bridegroom was sent for to give audience to a stranger on his wedding day and disappeared from the face of the earth from that time but there they tell in addition that the bride lived long that she passed her three score years and ten but that daily during all those years while there w light of sun or moon to the earth she sat watching watching at one particular window which commanded a view of the approach to the house er whole faculties her whole mental powers became absorbed in that weary watching long she died she was childish and only conscious of one wish to sit in that long high window and watch the road along which he might come she was as faithful as if pensive and that these two similar stories of disappearance on a wedding day obtained as the french say shows us that which adds to our facility of communication and of means adds to our security of life only let a bridegroom try to disappear from an of a bride and he will soon be brought home like a coward overtaken by the electric and clutched back to his fate by a policeman household words advertisement in the london papers so that any one who might hold the important documents should understand to what it referred and no one else this was accordingly done and although repeated at intervals for some time it met with no success but at	8
i can t ay i was very hungry but i was terribly dry and the next morning being the fifth day we found another of our boat mates dead it was as much as the three of us could do to heave him overboard for we were so weak we could stand upon our feet but after a good deal of trouble we got him out of the boat a a d after that we turned to and licked the off the oars and the boat to our thirst and so we passed away the fifth day and some time during the night our other comrade died we heard him groan but we could not help him and when day light came the next morning we saw a ship quite close to us but both me and my partner were so weak that we could not get up to show ourselves but i made shift to hold one of the boat s flags up the ship when she came close to us to and lowered a boat down and us alongside of the ship but which way we got on board of her i can t tell when i came to myself i found that i was on board of a wh der belonging to london and that my poor partner the mate of our ship had died about four hours after he got on board of her and the doctor told me that there wa no fear of me if the fever only kept off i found myself very weak and i could not stand upon my legs now the four men that died iu the boat were the that eat of the whale that we were off the ship that i got on board of was called the and she was a full ship bound home and i was obliged to go home in her we arrived safe at the th day of september being away two years and four months after we got the ship safe into the i went to mr y s to see my son but what was my to find that my son had gone to sea and that mr bland was dead and that his widow h td gone into the country to live along with her friends mr told me that my son after hearing of my misfortune had been continually him to let him go to sea in one of his ships for he said he wanted to look for his father and having a ship ready to sail he at last consented to let him go and he sailed in a ship called the and was gone from england about five months and mr told me that he had been a very good lad and that he was very sorry to lose him from his all and now after our oil was sold i received my wages which amounted to ninety three pounds for the captain and mr were kind enough to pay me the whole time that i had been away from the ship in a south sea man tho men have no monthly wages but go by the shares and they got a good many fish during the time i had been away and now having no in london i intended to go in the first ship that was bound to the south seas to look after my son had a ship fitting out called the spring grove agreed to go as second mate and we sailed from on the rd of november and thanks be to god we had a very good passage to james s island our passage lay round the south west point of the island where there lies a dangerous called the by inside of the you can fetch your without making a tack now on the evening of the nd of february it being a fine night our captain intended to go inside of the i reasoned against it as much as i but it was of no use for the mate said he had been through the passage a dozen times aud he could take the ship through it for he said if we went outside of the it take us a hole day to work up to our and accordingly we went i had the first watch on deck which is from eight o clock till twelve at night but the captain being on deck all my watch everything went according to his direction and at twelve o clock the mate came up and took charge from me and i went below to my cabin and i soon went to sleep but i had not laid long when i was awoke by the ship striking upon the rocks i jumped up and put on my trousers and my old jacket and on deck i went but when i got there the sea was making a clean breach right over the ship and as soon as i got clear of the companion a cross sea took me and me against the aud carried me and all away overboard and i tried to swim a bit but i still kept hold of fire piece of till another tremendous sea took me and me on shore but the blow that i received knocked me senseless and there i lay till about seven or eight o clock next morning when i came to myself and i found our dog standing alongside of me my for my head was cut and my left side where i had been against the rocks when i got up which i could scarcely do i looked round to see if l could see anything of the ship or any of my but i could see nothing only the dog and he kept running to a short distance from me and kept barking at something sad then came back to me again as much as to say come here and	8
look and at last i went to see what it was though i had a good deal of trouble to get there and when i got there i found one of my lying amongst the rocks and you may depend i was glad to see it but when i tried to get him up i found he was quite dead household words te the pride and power of their master whom they served in them as skilled without receiving pay during the reign of l mr le his majesty s had his house ned by two who accused him as the cause of their misfortunes the were burnt alive as an example to those of their companions who were annoyed at being doomed to because they had been taught to be more skilful than their fellows they must be quiet exercise their skill all day for the sovereign and live as they can starve beg or steal queen l altered all that in she absolutely forbade her subjects upon pain of death to exercise skilled work for any but herself or her attendants the girls who were taught sewing iu the schools were off into the palace to for the court the boys were off into the armies till at last the natives only sent to school the children of their slaves to make np the required number reading and writing l a allowed only to be practised by those who received special permission from herself slaves such arts would be reduced to ashes at length the time of the was expired for the queen called a solemn at which she declared that she knew nothing of christianity and did not wish it was aud who had seated her upon the throne christian worship was proclaimed treason with a penalty of death the schools were shut up books were collected sent back to the who were at the same time that any who possessed a printed book would punishment of death when the took their leave the queen claimed their local property as her own the natives accused as the cause of their distress and queen when the went away imposed a tax upon her subjects under a pretence that it w to pay the white people in order by one stroke of policy to raise for herself money and to strike a side blow at the she also liberally g the use of er subjects backs at all times for missionary luggage and allowed no payment to be made which was another exercise of her shrewd woman s wit her majesty sent in which were received at the courts of france and england with letters politely ing her own independence that independence she took care to maintain the arms and discipline the secrets of power placed by england in the savage hands of l enabled to maintain for twenty years an tyranny had our ingenious not interfered one tribe would have been a check upon its neighbour but we made one naked i and we are told by the oldest of the that his widow destroyed a million of lives if we take off a of seventy five per cent for the language of excited feeling there still remains a fearful reckoning against the of the of an offending tribe by the ten thousand seems to have been a trifling matter to this energetic lady whose military tastes have so reduced the population it is said that where five hundred children used to be seen playing now there are twenty not more than one woman in twenty being made a mother in the master and mate of the bark of port louis were charged at with under the seven native returning from engagements at with the intention of them for slaves this true or false would be of course denied but the mate mr a british american born subject was detained upon the accusation and eventually himself offered for sale in a public market that was in accordance with a law by which i had ordained that any foreigner detected in native slaves should himself be reduced to slavery in mr was bought or by the french of at the price of thirty dollars and set fi ee it m s was sent to inquire into the matter and was only puzzled with statements in the european resident at whose operations had already been much crippled by the queen received orders to quit with their families and effects within a fortnight the french sent to the english to l and two french and one english vessel were soon on the spot pleading for one year s grace the authorities were under o the fortnight was on the point of and their heads would have answered it if they had taken upon themselves to extend the time of grace while sending to request the queen to alter her instructions the french and english vessels therefore having embarked the merchants proceeded to give the a lesson by destroying the fort of this fort had been built not many years previously by two and was much stronger than the had supposed after a long the party took the outer works and were obliged then to retreat for they could do no more so they regained their ships setting fire on their the town that had been deserted on the first symptom of an impending struggle twenty one were killed and fifty six wounded of course the native loss was greater but the claimed the victory and it is said by their that the next morning the heads of the slain english and french were exposed upon the beach opposite the ships to poles the ships fired their and sailed off with their merchants not very long afterwards the en vessel coming once more into the of found household words co w if i wanted any more money before i left london he would let me have it i thanked him very kindly	8
the ordinary again for he said he was afraid that i was too old to go to sea and i remained in the ordinary till the th of august and then i was discharged and the captain of the victory was kind enough to write up to the board of to get my which he got done for me and the granted me a of twenty one pounds per for aud with what little i can earn i live as as circumstances will allow to be m d i hope that i am truly to the lord for the many blessings and that i have received at his hands through life ot times when i see a poor man or woman going along without any shoes on them or any clothes to cover them how thankful i ant to feel that i have got a bed to lie on and clothes to cover me and a house to shelter me from the weather have i deserved to be thus favoured any more than them no but it is god s mercy that for me aud i hope that the lord will grant me one prayer and that is contentment with the lot the has been pleased to give me and i find every day new blessings and to be thankful for and especially for health which is one of the greatest blessings we can enjoy for here i ant a man seventy three years old and knocked about at sea better than fifty years in which time i experienced some hard trials and still thanks be to god i am able to go out every day to from and some days walk above twenty miles which is a great deal for a man of age ut i know that tile lord fits the back to the burden i have received many from the ladies and gentlemen about these two or three years and may the lord reward them for the many that i have received from hands shall be the prayer of your humble and obedient servant a s curse a on the many strange objects which an meets with in india there are few which tend so much to upset his as a visit from a wandering the advent of one of these gentry in an english settlement is regarded with much the same sort of feeling as a when he makes his appearance in a modern drawing room if we could imagine the each horns in the f ce of the inmates h the disgust which his presence and with a that in virtue of his he considered himself entitled to some cake and wine perhaps the would be more complete the is tile of india tie owns no superior wears no clothing no work everybody m d everything sometimes to perpetual th ting and lives on the of the land there is this much however to be said for that when tie does himself the good of the community he does it to some purpose a fast or a penance of l peas in his shoes would be a mere b to him we have seen a who was never known to eat at all he cry tied a small black stone about with him which had been presented to his mother by a holy man he pretended that by this stone and without the id of any sort of he had arrived at the mature age of yet he had a nest of t and a which certainly did great credit to the powers of the black stone oddly enough his business was to collect and but like the gentleman who was continually begging they were no for but for a when i saw him he was off rings of rice milk fish and for tile benefit of his patron these were nightly laid upon the altar before the who was supposed to them during the night leaving the fragments to be distributed among the poor of the parish his was very in the goodness and freshness of these for he rejected such as were to be returned next morning with his to the sometimes a will take it into his he ul that the community will be by his himself along like a cart wheel for a couple of hundred miles or so he ties his wrists to his ankles gets a tire composed of straw mud and cow laid along the ridge of his a a t ff i through the formed by his and his el by way of an off he g a b n p wit h a bu e hang like at the two of the thus ut l he o en a r on a jou ey which will him for ve y like s o g or p h h do or on a in the ty of the whole l tu out m t him with due the public well or t the me t d n and the w e si through their n his un nd w h off the dust and dirt by pe ve n m of dusty aged er i g light in ver tion ith the i villa if he we an mortal ve pa tr i qui the s te of their mid slight ti their mo ds of u every one is anxious to have the honour of an holy to to their pr ence doubled up into a h p d get warm who have the n u n the r a s h in which he m th k for the at shown him and that he ing up h with the n who i m t of ing his application of the honour a er he k h down a decided bar in to the t of the high t in wh he vi g vi to the co unity and an our of th the	8
whole when the n to il he ties his hands his h i a ir h tire put on and ed out of the with the me form iti his like other w of his cl he is apt at h him to the w v of humanity with whom he is ly p t he i not to h pe v for this for a mo hid ugly of men is met with as h td not m him su he h hid um by his eyes with k of w lu int his cheeks a rich mu rd yellow a the ridge of h n md other a circle m d his mouth hi ri e t i by of int which gi e a h g venerable c t t ten i d that he we no cloth that the u of w p of his religion me idea may the t the fi t view of him io in the mind of a an on the at t of a lt day in i h i got a ble out in the ve of my ow d w g m with a g r tu of my v mt u the u of they w i t lightning when long ut fi with h g in di ie over h w ol e the on n within a few of s he d w him up in an im e his while t other held out wards me what p a r with a b dish th of who ou f r w the w tt what do you want k i m ly you joking fellow ke you t wa ti g i h k the r paid ot the t at but out h wn th the dish at the end of it you h i off id i ve k who a able work we do a s work replied t with a oh you do hen i l h l better k a for i turn to the bi d ar g the ap tu r i hap l k up a ut five a er i o that the w u n one i d ling much y w n s nt with hi the n ami di were still ex nd while his left h d hi f t r his a i to the d t i w on with my work but i i awfully broke a jar cut my d m e a m m the c ble i h a n of the r s ng at me with his extend d sh d not get the fellow o t of my h up at him ain the he w ever on his one leg and with h ey on lie this fm l r n an hour yet the d not m the faint tion of h hi ther a pi u ue ment the la if he should ke it i hi h fellow in the e for a mo th its i d you nd the much r give you such a te of li n make you g to l he only thi that w a mile on that t h he br t g up his n l g he li n t a r the e of him without mo o i the tt and m it with a il m which th who ha it aw of the ne in such a w t t d which n e ble ly du ng nd a few the em er t household words conducted b drank many s the pint of beer with me in his young s there is but latin in my aid he quoting from somebody and so says honest ben well sir as we were coming to the cottages i saw a number of people going up and down stairs in them for i f is l or his il h s m has turned the stairs out of window you must know an d yet they re not out of house when i saw that i could almost have made a riddle if any one had been nigh to put it into words for me well there ere a number of people going up and do stairs and there was a crowd in the mad and right on the other side there was the thing called the crystal l which is very much frequented owing to the disgusting manner in which it s talked about by every man s newspaper i scorn newspapers or is it not true that the editor of a great sporting paper printed his determination to leave off counting and pay no more attention to the ring because he couldn t send to be if any editor said so he wants his nose the newspapers are all behind the age and the whole age is behind v as for household words it s i conducted by a fellow whom i re in his own pages and who hasn t the pluck to fight me i despise the press now when i saw the people going up and down stairs outside the houses and yet inside for the stairs you must know are outside the walls and yet under the roof in a recess or bay when i saw how numerous the people were and how popular the cottages appeared to be i turned to says i my i ve an in my head you re a bull says she but it won t hold an says i you mean a i i mean an of the l says she that is a says i it isn t it is this when the the trees that grow nearest the river s edge get the most water so they but when the flood goes down they die off at the roots because they	8
have been over so that they can t live upon short while trees off that have been more are the better for it behold the crystal surface of a the of the people coming from it over this block of cottages it s very fine my very fine to day but wait a bit yes says it s very fine indeed ben but we d best go in at once i shouldn t wonder if it turned to rain this evening so in we went there was a policeman behind a which was a bitter mockery of the poor fellow who must stand all day long behind the railing as if he was going down into the area and have never an area to go to all the while i thought the poor chat was a modern and knew what sort of region i was getting into as i passed him showing my ticket with my collar up and my s basket under her so we went in under the recess and turned to a door at the foot of the stairs which led into one of the four family that door w locked so i tu ed sharp round on move on says he the four sets of rooms are all precisely on the same plan what says i all exhibited with the doors locked for to be peeped at through a but i saw the door was open opposite so we went in t we squeezed among some old in little four or five feet square room that is the model living room a little bit larger than fourteen feet by ten there were a lot of people in it and a table and a few chairs of stained deal and a under the window that is a by day and folds up over the window as a at night so that it s indifferent whether you say that a model is forced to make on the window or t his window vith a both statements are true more s the pity l architecture and all considered on the now there are clay laid out in the shape of hollow bricks and we are told that these cottages are altogether built of such bricks in which the more there is of the hollow and the less there is of the brick the better the speculation answers what i is that s your model the more a man has in him of and the less he has of the brick the better speculation he will make of it one side of these bricks is glazed and coloured or painted to pattern like the surface of a wash hand basin of such glazed bricks the walls in this model are built the floor is or the ceiling slightly arched with two or three slender iron beams across for in these cottages there is no used nor anything except in doors shelves furniture and such like there s some kind of model grate of course and a slate mantel piece and simple of glazed brick and a rod for over the mantel pieces and a cupboard and a run of shelf considerably above the reach of children model children not being from a to taste the rat poison or break the there are and so on of course that s an old trick all wood work is of stained deal which i don t mind saying i prefer to paint myself it looks well and wears well for there s nothing to off i d introduce it in my own properties but all my cottages are old and all the wood work in them has been pretty considerably stained these fifty years past so i re nothing more to do if l were a practical man he would know well enough that when a landlord finds the wood the tenant does not lose much time in it household less he knelt beside her and burying his face in his hands prayed to god fervently than he had ever prayed before to restore her to her senses on looking up again he saw that her eyes were half open she stretched forth her arm languidly and laid her hand upon his shoulder and then slowly opening her eyes further stared at him with an expression of wonder i am better she said i have been very ill indeed you have am ie he replied what have i not suffered in these few moments i prayed to god that he would not let you die and he has heard me yes yes said as if in answer to her own thoughts i remember now how it was a sudden shudder seized her as she spoke and she turned in her chair and lying sideways moaned at this moment mrs ned and william related to her what had happened hush she said her manner has been very strange lately i have thought sometimes she added lowering her voice into a whisper that her mind has wandered the thought that mrs s might be right passed the mind of the young basket maker but he remembered the terrible ea of her manner o no mother he said it is not that but she is looking towards t why how now poor poor little said the old woman her hair with the palm of her hand you have been ill and i away did not answer but smiled faintly and mrs leading her gently sat her down in a large arm chair with a high n back and with the help of her companion her to the front of the fire began to p for her some warm drink i had intended to n to night said he and i am sure they will be anxious for me on the island however the coach is gone now and i may as well stay and wait upon aye aye replied i shall be going out again by	8
and bye to a s house to get her g which will restore her if she should be attacked again and it would not be safe to leave her girl the fire has ch her to sleep as soon as l rs was gone the young basket maker took his seat beside the fire and watched her as she slept suddenly he recalled the night when he sat and watched her in the same manner many years before he was sitting in the same place and she was sleeping in the same arm chair l seemed to have changed since then except that she had become a woman they were alone the kettle was singing beside the cheerful fire and the cat though probably a of ms o l was still up upon the rug and he wo as he turned and gazed at the live coals whether that strange fancy which sometimes makes the p sent seem a of the past might be in truth a shadowy memory of something we have thought or done in the long list of forgotten days other fancies chased each other through his mind as he waited for h rs s return it was a rough night out of it was not but the wind blew hard and shook the doors and shutters yet slept on it might have been a fancy as it struck him at first but once he thought he h a tapping on the shutters which seemed too regular to be the beating of the he listened and not hearing it any more fell again h to a thought till once more he thought he heard a tapping he stretched forward and listened intently and then whether it was again a fancy growing out of the eagerness with which he listened or not he felt sure of having heard a voice without pronounce the name of he rose from his seat and walking on across the room opened the street door without noise the night was dark and up and down the street a t first it deserted but on turning again towards the college he saw by the light of an oil lamp a figure at some distance on the opposite side of the way instantly he drew the key out of the lock and putting it again into the on the outside so as to fasten the door silently without awakening i the he left her in the house alone and across the road in the direction of the lamp the figure glided under the trees at his approach and disappeared but the young basket maker followed swiftly till he came to the entrance of the college and finding the gate which he knew to be unusual at that hour he pushed it open and entered the place was din k but still he thought he heard the sound of a footstep retreating across the and he followed again passing under the clock tower he entered the and stayed to listen but he heard nothing still however that he had heard a footstep in that he walked around the but though they were lighted by several lamps he saw nothing it was plain that the object had escaped him and remembering that he had left alone and that if she awakened she would be alarmed he passed a o ain quickly across the and home was still sleeping and mrs had not returned so he took his seat again beside the fire and listened though he had little expectation of hearing the voice again the young basket maker did not mention to any one what he had heard and seen though strongly suspecting that some household words it they have a pond in almost every garden the flower measures about six inches in it is white but sometimes though very seldom of a pale pink hue the seeds resemble in size and taste those of the the roots when cooked are said to have the of upwards of a hun live in the temple of their ordinary dress in no way from l that worn by other chinese from whom they i are distinguished only by having their heads i completely shaven i i made a visit to the half way named by the english because it is situated half way between and we went the pearl river the stands on a mound of earth in the vicinity of a village and is surrounded by immense rice it has nine stories and is one hundred and seventy feet high its is not very considerable and does not materially from the lower part upwards this is one of the most celebrated in china but it has long ceased to be used the interior was totally no trace of images or any other ornaments remaining there is no between the different stories so that when looking upwards from the ground in the interior the eye the pointed summit of the structure on the outside each story is marked by a small gallery without these galleries are reached by steep flights of steps and are extremely difficult of access they are curiously with coloured placed wise over another the point of each tile projecting about four inches beyond the one below it when viewed from a distance this appears like some kind of open work and from the brilliant hues and delicate fabric of the the whole might be mistaken for a mass of whilst we were the some of the people from the neighbouring village collected around us and as they seemed to be very harmless and we thought we might venture to take a peep at them in their own little settlement accordingly we our way to the village it consisted of a cluster of small houses or rather huts built of brick and presenting no peculiarity except their flat roofs the rooms had no ceiling the external roof of the house serving for that purpose the was	8
of stamped earth and formed the walls between the rooms these houses contained but few articles of furniture and were exceedingly dirty in the middle of the village there were several small temples and before the image of the principal deity dingy lamps were lighted i was much struck by the vast quantity of poultry collected in front of all the huts the chickens were so numerous that it was difficult to avoid on them as we passed along here as in e o is effected by artificial heat i had long been desirous of seeing the celebrated wall of the city of and by good luck i was enabled to the obstacles which seemed to render the gratification of this wish impossible von engaged a missionary to accompany us on this expedition l i may mention are the best possible and guides for travellers in china they speak the language of the country make friendly acquaintance with the people and in consequence enjoy the privilege of going about without danger or interruption the good missionary whom he yon had engaged expressed his readiness to escort us on the wished for excursion on condition that i would d myself in male attire hitherto no woman had ventured on the expedition and i was assured that even i who had ventured so much could not undertake it with safety i speedily provided with the requisite disguise and thus equipped set out early one morning we walked a long way through narrow streets paved with broad stones in front of every house we observed a within which there was a little altar two or three feet in height and as it was not broad day the night lamps were still alight this lamp burning of the chinese religion must occasion an inconceivable of oil gradually the shops began to be opened they were merely little square rooms without front walls the goods were displayed partly in open drawers and partly on tables behind which the usually sat engaged at their work from one corner of the shop a narrow flight of steps leads to the upper part of the house which is the dwelling place of the family here as in the cities of turkey particular streets are appropriated to particular trades and professions one is occupied exclusively by glass another by silk and so on in one of the streets of in which all the doctors reside the only shops are those of for in china the functions of physician and are exercised by one and the same individual the shops in which provisions are sold are very arranged and these are all in one street the houses there are frequently small temples which no way differ in style from the adjoining buildings the gods are confined to the lower stories of these temples and all the space above is appropriated to the use of mortals as the day advanced i found the streets exceedingly crowded and busy especially those containing the shops in which l ro visions were sold women and young girls of the lower class were hurrying to and fro making their much in the same way as in the cities of europe they were all and many of them like ducks for the practice of female feet is not exclusively ed to the higher io words from hi said william william broke the seal hurriedly and read this is strange said he as soon as he had finished this letter is in an hand bidding me come to london immediately and although it does not mention i do not doubt that it relates to her i will this night let us go together said the old man no he replied the letter bids me come alone i will write to you to morrow good bye mar let us hope yet for better news the old man went with him to the water side and the boat pulled down the river with him as i r as they found a cart standing at an whose owner was going to where lie promised to convey him in time for a coach passing through there to london it was three o clock and quite dark when he arrived at his destination he inquired of the for the quarter to which he was directed and found that it was at some distance in the and he started on foot at a quick pace he inquired several times of the watch as he pursued his way running and walking alternately thinking oi his in london the year before when he passed in like manner through deserted streets and remembering as he drew nearer that he had frequently gone that way in his hopeless search at length he arrived at the street and looking up at the numbers by the light of the lamps the house that he sought it was a small white house a row of trees which had been spared by the there being no other house on the opposite side of the way at the upper window a ti int light was burning and he knocked gently a opened the door to whom he told his business and she bade him enter you come just in time to see her poor thing sea she showing him into a parlour and speaking in a whisper as she shut the door the doctor does not know from day to day how many hours she may live was i not sent for before said he ah said the woman that is what i have said fifty times she is a very strange young woman sir she has lived here twelve months and never did we discover who her friends were till the other day she overheard the doctor say how bad she was and that she couldn t live and then she begged that some one would write poor thing she s as steady and industrious as young woman could be but	8
let the door be shut and stir the fire for it is very cold said the man in the flushing coat with a broad accent and he himself eagerly to obey my commands while his companion whom the landlady called placed a ch dr close to the and asked me to sit down on it since you insist on remaining here added he we will at least do all we can to make you comfortable bnt i asked to be forthwith shown to a room where i might wash and dress the man in the flushing coat looked astonished and the pale t of the bore an expression of blank dismay she hesitated for some moments and then explained to me that there was no room in the house but this in a fire was kept and that to wash and in any other room would give me my death of cold we were interrupted by a violent knocking at the street door which being opened admitted the landlord the pale woman and half a dozen men who were evidently the worse for liquor and who would have been the better for some water and soap their entrance was the signal for a scene of confusion which lasted until the al of the landlord who with a huge dish full of hot potatoes gave the signal for dinner a dozen eager hands were at once in motion to assist the table which still bore the traces of the last was covered with a coarse cloth louis the waiter emptied a b of tin knives aud iron forks on the table and while the man in the flushing jacket with a large knife prepared to act as by himself of his upper and up the sleeves of his shirt the company themselves round the table and made an attack on the provisions which consisted of cold beef boiled mutton and the hot potatoes the appetite with which the eat was truly and the pauses of the meal were duly filled with laughter and swearing each guest i seemed eager to impress all others with his great in london life i coffee was brought in after and the men scarcely any of whom had as yet found employment in their respective trades produced large pipes and fell with great vehemence to smoking and while the landlady and the with the embroidered sat down in a further corner of the room presently a man in rusty black entered with a boisterous air which was evidently assumed for the purpose of the good will of the landlord who at once well the new comer you are just iu the nick of time said he there is money in the house great demand for s eh said l ir well and good i have brought gold and silver and give as much for a dollar or as any man in the trade gentlemen and ladies cried the landlord you what mr says lie is to change whatever you words all elected to of st alfred as soon as they were old enough who knew at says they were not clever but that their father had great interest in st alfred daughters were infinitely accomplished talked much of society and did a great deal of visiting among the poor with whom they were not popular with all the reverend philip s we come now to his name faults of he was tolerably well liked he did not interfere with his his moreover was a quiet sensible man of thirty who performed the marriages on and with ting propriety v hen he w s wanted he always came if people called he was always at home he talked with the farmers about their crops and with their daughters about getting married he rode a seldom but very sure footed horse had a party f men from town to see him twice a year and had very little money but never appeared to be in want of more altogether the reverend charles a m was a much greater favourite in the parish of than the reverend philip s t p professor of late fellow of st alfred the great of the most holy st john of of y north wales c c it was an evil day for the parish of when the reverend charles received a letter from the old earl of fields the earl of fields wanted a domestic and the reverend charles had been private to the heir apparent of that fair domain the offer was tempting and the had forced upon them a farewell sermon kind looks and kinder wishes their return for these were universal good wishes and not a few tears so quiet and even had been the course of hitherto that people never but that the new would be just the same sort of man as the last and that beyond his looking a little shy at first the reverend charles s successor would be only a of the reverend les himself to be sure the thought something might be got up for the porch of the church and l the who was a retired dealer in furniture and still did a little in building societies and bill had some vague fears for the cause of it was a great surprise to the public of little when four gentlemen in long black coats of close and cut with slender of white linen round their necks and with sleek smooth hair made their appearance at the inn of one of them was remarkably thin and though evidently young he walked with a slight stoop and his little grey eyes were constantly fixed on the ground this was the new the reverend arthur de dame b a formerly of st ma in s i i all one of the taller gentlemen was the of st s college the of the reverend arthur de dame and of his two other friends somehow or other	8
once governed it has sometimes made expensive dead men whom it treated when they were alive he king s brother robert of seeming quite content to be only duke of that country and the king s other brother fine scholar being quiet enough with his five thousand pounds in a chest the king flattered himself we may suppose with the hope of a easy om but easy were difficult to have in those days the turbulent bishop who had blessed the army at the battle of and who i dare say took all the credit of the victory to himself soon began in concert with some powerful to trouble the red king the truth seems to be that this bishop and his friends who had lands in england and lands in wished to hold both under one sovereign and a thoughtless good natured person such as robert was to l s who though far from being an amiable man in any respect was keen and not to be imposed upon they declared in l s favor and retired to their castles those castles were very troublesome to kings i a sullen humour the red king seeing the thus falling from him himself u on them by appealing to the english to whom he made a variety of promises which he never meant to perform in particular promises to soften the cruelty of the forest who in return so aided him with their that was in the castle of forced to abandon it and to depart from england for ever whereon the other rebellious were soon reduced and scattered then the red king went over to where the people suffered greatly under the loose rule of duke robert the household words himself very much and had married sometimes lay in bed of a day for want or a i as as itself in clothes to put on his attendants having he found waiting to urge him to stolen all his dresses but he headed his assert his claim to the english crown and army like a brave prince and a gallant soldier declare war against king henry this after though he had the misfortune to be taken great loss of time in and dancing with prisoner by king with four hundred of i is beautiful italian wife among his i his knights among them was poor he at last did less who loved robert well the english in general were on king i was not important enough to be severe henry s side though many of the with the king afterwards gave him a small were on robert s but the english sailors l which he lived upon and died upon the king and took a great part of in peace among the quiet woods and fields of the english fleet over to so that robe came to this country in no foreign vessels but in english ships the virtuous however whom henry had invited back from abroad and made of was steadfast in the king s cause and it was so well supported that the two as instead of fighting made a peace poor robert who trusted anybody and everybody readily trusted his brother the king and agreed to go home and receive a england on condition that all his followers were fully this the king very faithfully promised but robert was no sooner gone than he began to punish them among them was the earl of who on being summoned by the king to answer to five and forty rode away to one of his strong castles shut himself up therein called round him his tenants and and fought his liberty but was defeated and banished robe with all his faults was so true to his word that when he flint heard of this nobleman having risen against his brother he laid waste the earl of s estates in n to show the king that he would favor no breach of their solemn treaty finding on better information that the earl s only crime was having been his friend he came over to england in his old thoughtless way to with the king and remind him of the solemn promise to pardon all his followers this confidence might have put the f king to the blush but it did not pretending to be very friendly he so surrounded his brother with aa d that robert who was quite in his power had nothing for it but to his and escape while he could getting home to and understanding the king better now he naturally allied with his old friend the earl of who had still thirty castles in that country this was exactly what henry wanted he immediately declared that robert had broken the treaty and next year invaded he pretended that he came to deliver the h at their own request from his brother s there is reason to fear that his was bad enough for his beautiful wife had died leaving him with an son and his court was again so careless and ill regulated that it was said he england and robert poor kind generous heedless robert with so many faults and yet with virtues that might have made a better and a happier man what was the end of him if the king had had the to say with a kind air tell me before these that from this you will be my ul and friend and never raise your hand against me or my forces more he might have trusted robert to the death but the king vas not a man he his brother to be confined for life in one of the royal castles in the beginning of his imprisonment he was allowed to ride out but he one day broke away from his guard and galloped off he had the evil fortune to ride into a swamp where his ho e stuck fast and he was taken when the king heard of	8
looking healthy men of the race of ba s were the most notable they held and cultivated their farms under the duke of father and son giving life after life to the soil with industry and quietly lying down inside of it when their work was achieved mr richard a younger son of the family an while at in that capacity a miss daughter of a merchant there and his office commenced business as a it seemed however that particularly their wares being of course highly to health in those days could not traffic in the town of without having served seven years l arch merits of dignified antiquity made that household words on foot with a and stick across the hills with his worldly wealth in his pocket and from all we hear his march his fresh good looking face was dusty and as he marched into and reached the office of the journal he worked away steadily at his business like a temperate active clear headed youth what heat there was in him was not ef the flaming sort but mild corn and not fiery and ra his talent was practical and de sagacious active he was a i from good sense some men reform the of mankind as poets some wildly as i indignant me in a high spirited way as high minded gentlemen some quietly i and without as men of business mr belonged to the class in an ag of common sense such men are highly valuable we him getting on very well soon after his arrival in and doing useful work he was cheerful and withal and a friendly man who will be surprised therefore to find that having set up in business for himself he visited i iu the families of the thoughtful liberal of the town grave yet cheerful old gentlemen who were hospitable to quiet and youths young vas a frequent visitor at the house of old an independent the picture of that old gentleman is pleasant to contemplate it is the portrait of a softened by love of literature he daily studied the bible he had translated it from the original tongue him he had it with strange quaint devices of his own by way of illustration lie had paradise lost by t lie loved the pilgrim s progress lie would walk many miles to see the sun rise the traits of this old man indicate a calm simplicity his figure stands out in the scenes of the noisy times like that of venerable amidst the of and mr had a daughter she was pious and grave also after the fashion of the yet feminine and gentle young mr loved her and was accepted mr alarmed at mr s broke off the match but they married notwithstanding in and the father on an d took his son in law into favour this was a happy union in every respect to the husband s bold good the wife s influence added the old english grave piety which is through her life to this of their mother the children gratefully acknowledge their obligations in edward became the proprietor of the the having been for and lent to him by several gentlemen all of whom he repaid in the course of a few years lie was now a public man his career from this ti ne is part and parcel of the history o the country but more especially that of the l n movement in the provinces looking back to that time we find war raging all over europe french prisoners in our poor french gentlemen of descent about the fields near the towns where fortune them and with french never yet known to be for dinner napoleon was in his golden prime fox and were the leaders of the two great parties of englishmen l were desperately situated in those days were about everywhere was triumphant england for ever and the army and navy types of deplorable but hardly with three times three the one answer to all demands for change being look at france the fashion was to preach a temperate obedience to all sorts of petty tyranny and a patient of the and to use france as the frightful example then almost all the in england were under aristocratic to go to a county meeting with in your month was to be an i y to be low to be contemptible to the people at that time the idea of any representation but an aristocratic one seemed absurd in when the and administration dissolved parliament there vas a contest in whether lord or two pro young gentlemen should represent the county which cost each of their respective parents one hundred thousand pounds the most expensive fight we hope on record ir s energy was employed on this important occasion in supporting the candidate all the fury ended in young lord s being elected and vi r was threatened with personal ment by one gentleman of opposite opinions with firmness and pluck he appears to have invited the gentleman to come on but without any hostile result these incidents will show the excitement which prevailed at that time the questions at i sue however confined to the two political parties by whom the mere public were but little considered the right of these two parties to divide england between them being apparently vi r though honestly supporting the party called was by his career advancing that cause which is the heart of reform the right of the men who can do something to have a chance of doing it all the uproar about the french revolution has not had any success in putting down that the great topic of those times was of course the war like the party generally was in favour of peace if possible government was gold on words attention from all other thoughts our minds must then be concentrated on the hat we must press it	8
it could it be my eyes deceive me they had deceived me about the horrible half face looking down were they deceiving now the no no it could not fancy drive me not to madness it could not be ut there lay the brilliant thing at i continued to stare with open at last i ventured with a shaking hand to take it from the bottom of the lamp yes yes it e s it was the illustrious stranger himself his was lying in the palm of my hand the cunning spring intended to him to dart downwards and disappear at the least touch devised by the subtle brain of mr had no doubt been the very cause of his sudden descent upon the bridge of my nose it is thus that great and others themselves like ambition they pitch over on the other side these reflections for at the moment i could do nothing but and stare and stare and then i listened with consternation but it was at nothing l iy greatest present fear was lest b should come down to work and meet me in my excited state i the prize and hurried to my bed room and the door and put a chair mt it it vas late before i awoke next morning as had been up the whole night listening and continually ng the place where i had hidden the invaluable i dressed myself with all quite natural under the circumstances l iy hand shook so i could scarcely hold the at breakfast i could not eat a morsel and i did all sorts of absurd things my first anxiety was to get rid of ob and to leave the house i called bob to me and telling him with a air that ve had quite succeeded in discovering the gas pipe and i vas very much obliged to him i put six sovereigns into his hand which i said vas a present from the gas company as i had engaged him by the week m d he had always drawn his and then i told him ve had no further need of his services at present so he might no v return to he took the six sovereigns slowly and looked at them in a way i did not like lie said he did not much think he should go to he thought as how he liked best i vas not in a fl of mind to argue the question with him or to hold further so i wished him good day and when he had made up his bundle i wished him good luck and shook with him which he received in a heavy ungrateful and off with a dissatisfied air how glad i was to see the back of him now to leave my house this was by no means so easy for how could i risk the discovery of my work the entrance to the v must be blocked up and in fact up and concealed in the most way i saw that i must remain a short time in the house at least till the mo car was dry but i did so to be off where to hide the i in the meantime this was a constant fever to me no place seemed safe or beyond suspicion hide it where i would i was obliged to change its place the next hour i ed a to come every morning to attend to my domestic wants and a boy to live in the house i worked at up the entrance to my under ground secrets all night and locked up the during the day finding that the bricks and mortar would continue to look fresh and suspicious standing the dirt and dust i threw up against the new wall i had built and also that the bricks did not look very regular and i pulled them all down a much brighter thought had struck me i built up a termination wall some eight feet from the entrance and then fitted shelves and of old wood in the recess so that it looked like an additional wine cellar i instantly ordered iu six dozen of old port and six of six dozen of in and ma c and twelve dozen of empty bottles and all these i packed a in a very manner and with a profusion of saw dust and chalk marks and old dusty which i collected from the corners of the it looked so well when it was completed that i thought it even worthy to serve as a hiding place for the illustrious and i him enveloped in the thumb of a kid glove the neck of a of and him safely down and all and so left him for ly two days but i one night that that particular bottle looked at me so to speak and i feared the eye of a officer might see a something special in its so i knocked off the neck of the after trying in vain to draw the illustrious with a v and transferred him to the inside of an old german l held the part to the fire where the had been made till the fat began to run and so healed the wound i then hung it up in household words house in forthwith at a much lower rent th m i had it for on a lease of three ears g the ht of ing u p the back cellar on account of the choice old wine i had there i went lodgings in the vicinity of town and while here i made several other attempts at selling the diamond which i forbear to it had already brought me to the brink of ruin yet i xv s no nearer to success by this time i had actually reduced my terms to the pitiful sum of thousand pounds or less i was soon brought to	8
to buy some goods soon and i shall get him to ask how we can send money to england i can assure you it is a trouble on my mind that i cannot do it but you may depend i shall send the first opportunity i have some beautiful of gold which i have had given me for to make and pins of i would send you them all if i had a chance i has got some given him by different people worth four pounds sixteen shillings has some worth one pound ten shillings when she can say all her letters she has the promise of another lump of gold she can nearly say them all i have so little time but i teach them once or twice a day we are miles from church chapel or school at our back door we have a large piece of ground with the river at the bottom at our front door we see the beautiful mountains and we are surrounded with trees a beautiful spot i like it much we have plenty of wolves they are so shy we shot two the other day and nailed the heads o the oak tree we have plenty of deer and we had some the other day i like the meat much plenty of bears but they are twenty miles from us their flesh is good eating but i do not like it so well as deer i have bear s i got from the meat i have it for my hair it is genuine l of wild and ducks we had a couple of ducks for dinner yesterday they are very small but very nice we have a fine cat we would not sell her for forty dollars cats are scarce here like women i hope you will send me a letter as soon as you can i do so want to hear from you all very much i could say much more but say adieu very loi g is meant by the figures a very long chalk replies a friend from the united states sixteen millions eight hundred and thousand three hundred and fifty seven answers everybody else no doubt those are the names of a certain number of figures placed in a certain but their names only i you a clear idea what the figures mean what idea have you of sixteen millions of peas i many pint measures will they fill twenty or fifty or a dozen only or less have you the smallest idea probably not you are sure that a vast number of peas go to that number but on the other hand a great many can be put into a pint measure well suppose that you make a guess and say twenty if you had been asked the same question about a hundred and sixty thousand peas would not your ideas on the subject have been ly vague and your answer just as a guess as the other now we wish to know what sixteen millions of peas mean how shall we set it we might try how many average sized peas side by side would extend over an inch perhaps five peas will cover an inch of space well then a thousand so placed would stretch over two hundred inches or about sixteen feet and therefore a thousand times a thousand or a million peas would cover the floor of a room sixteen feet by sixteen and again by a of sixteen rooms of these dimensions and all covered in the same odd manner we should not be very far wrong in our of sixteen millions of peas and these words would now no longer give rise to the mere vague english idea of number or the american one of chalk this has been effected by first finding out something definite concerning the size of the objects we have selected to measure by actual trial by handling and measuring some dozen peas then by means of this result we have taken another step and gained a clear idea of a vast number of them without seeing them at all and starting a from this t number we are able to obtain just of numbers still higher this is a very different process from merely the figures that make up any large sum and then fan that we therefore understand its we propose in somewhat the same manner to the income of into language a little more we are told that the sun for instance is ninety six millions of miles off well it must be a vas distance but is that all that we can say about it we could not have said much less had we been told that the sun was nine hundred and sixty thousand miles away from us are we then to rest satisfied with merely knowing what it hardly wanted an to tell us that it is a long way from here to the sun and yet how can we say that we know how far it is when we tiie i one attach no definite meaning to the how many hours is the sun from us i why in hich we our owl ge if we we nd a by in a i mo t h l y might j t well t n going at a h d rt that he s the of the hour without ing y a p the c of wo s in ti he would w a y the y would w t the pr ia to a m the would w old d it is t t me one may not yet i die without i the sun for it t con ine of the which ex in i more th a y from m t men s n d i ro in his own but what the com s a ut l ge he may argue how can you y tl t	8
i am not able to ti u h t adam d eve s by our n ix of mil d eight at the c tion to go from to the when i know that the fi t twelve su at the of fi y an hour they tim t the nd d when i would not have got the yet for rf ce n that i know what is mo th s tho d y f m the m no one it but that not of our m the e tion do you ow ut we e getting hat either of th dis m ain we m have me swift t l ly if either of them we a than a m u sl e for light distinct idea your mind of you answer our u for li ht t ve d it l rf d the i from the sun t e ei g t other al but if neither of them d eight then by your of them ot but ent a hun yea of way v and of wh for it would e a ut i ce would it ou that the s four to from the sun n ne ly a tho nd tim large r t t wilt th new m n do for if you did not know how r is us the we sh l d that the but the may a how n fixed s r is three y o counting you ever ho ob n cl id of the by light m d that there e even me sun s d from the h it is which it r sup mo im that a g should able than two tho d yea d t y ninety of n re v e haunt d we d end t re j t he would int out h ho ob in any id mil of om the top of ever of d t r th th a hill this qui t e till the are yet s p by step we have from a mile a in which we may le g p in of our o m f ting the ous c me de at l t the e dis c which l t our s from m y of that us om other d su we only g n a int con d though we y not able give of th th it t e but even fi r their re m yet that is than none t r th a y t f m them a which f i notion of huge d in in me de the t th which however u they may our fi t of dis m be even the d only a by using our own ey m d ti g our o n cl for our o of t t iu le all the and and p ns which they p nd in the world m the m t f end only how d ig er could never su in gi a them by them m who l n shut up a k m long chalk h hfe any notion of a mile lie must over one d it for him d it is th th we have w d the right on what m t by ten or twelve m for lo er our m do you know th y ty what what nt e m e them by time l e a d h love eve r in have ly qui i one y om a ol of h y other n ion a ut the d of my i put my ith york d h but t t it w a long much tn th he w qui way to e h of the w on fl e o er h o ly y he e even we have not n th p ve d of love p ly the e cl r a ut the t r we ve a t which she a vi d con of two or th ho a p fo d er e only pity ve ing t t not much r for il t it it york d the notion er a pity ve t pity that ly a nt one f m that we we ow little a ut e love en n ing r d but fo the if y y d m t ti l it a d it a notion with a ry of it o d we e a ay t m he w mo novelty it household words of which raised hereafter will become the chalk cliffs of old england when alive these little fathers of t live on the minute fragments which are about to and become part of the dead world but arrested on its threshold make the life of these small creatures on which larger creatures feed and grow there is a bird above us like an but if we land now we find but few birds no and not very many there is a some four feet long it belongs to a great the there you a there are some kinds of ard others too of which we shall see larger numbers presently l ow we are at sea again with about us if you about you will find star fishes and and other things that we will look at when there s nothing else to engage our attention l ow we pursue our phantom voyage farther back into the depths of time millions of years back into the past here is a huge like a whale that through the sea to seize another monster with the claws that arm its feet this marine gentleman is the we land in a warm moist country covered with a strange vegetation in which like palms or palm like we have seen vegetation not unlike this when we	8
were among men in l there are plenty of and pines with a few palms here is a land before which we take he liberty of running his teeth look too decidedly a sort of ty feet long with a big body mounted on high thick legs is not likely to be friendly with our legs and bodies us is his name and doubtless greedy is his nature mercy upon us there s a young flying look at his long jaw and sharp teeth he is sweeping down upon us stretching his long neck out he touches ground not after us but yonder little no bigger than a rat but now the fast little his wings under his arms tl ev work on an long little finger l e his wings under his arms and begins running on four legs as if he really were a little and not a d him me is after him away he runs into a lake of water swimming there like a fish and now lands takes flight and on a tree marvellous little bird beast and fish as to its powers alone by nature he s the a strong massive creature but luckily though large he is not a giant for a giant there s your the with bones about eight times stronger than an s bones thirty feet long and half as tall again as the don t fear you are not a e he will not eat you all manner of monsters we over as we make back to the ship l ow we are afloat look there at that black i muddy looking lump of skin with an eye in it nothing but that huge eye and a breathing hole above the surface the of that eye is a yard and a half round now look under the water there s a jaw and set of teeth a jaw sir six feet long twenty feet or so behind his glaring eye you see where his tail works as he shoots along the phantom only can keep pace with him there s no on a like that he is the monarch and of whatever he in the way of meat and what an eye for a he is an awful gentleman to meet when he is looking for a dinner that same there are plenty of but what are are mere to us among these monsters if you please we will get up that creature with a pretty shell which looks extremely like a it is an you may haul too for little fishes and find sundry and lo you have caught also a great fellow o a fish who has something to out of his ink bag an fish no animals are of the exact kind we left behind us in the days when we dwelt among men the skeleton in its tail it leaves as a to by whom it is received under the name of farther back we go into the depths of time and pick up beautiful stone lilies animals on stems looking like lily cups and having thirty thousand bits of stone within a single skeleton there are some fish but fewer now the shores look desolate on yonder strip of sand run a few like one with a s and one with and they are called but yonder walks a novelty a as large as a a as to its large hind legs and its mouth otherwise very much a there he goes towards the water and some birds alight upon the sand to dress their feathers the birds fly off the huge in and after millions of years the they make now with the ripple of the tide and the of the shower that is now falling on the soft sand be presented to the eyes of men the birds shall be believed in by the they have made though not a bone of them exist the shall be called a be cause his oddly the of a great human hand his huge bulk shall perish into oblivion but that strip of sand across which he has walked shall tell his story for him we approach a black shore and sail under the smoke and ashes of a huge on a point of rock we see another by this time we have travelled back through the whole secondary period and are about to pass into the remotest ages of the world rocks tracts of country hundreds of household words conducted protested that there must be a difference and a s son ought not to go to school like the children of wretched from the closet too she fetched a small slate she had purchased for me a few weeks my birth and which now was tied to my neck with great ceremony and finally she took me by the hand and led me to the best room in the house there on the she showed me the image of st with his golden and and beard of white cotton amidst coffee cups pots and sugar boxes behind him were two gilt devils with their tongues of scarlet cloth out of their mouths i stood in the greatest awe of st thou better mind what thou art about said my mother look how st is staring at thee and the two devils are only waiting for the word to fly at thee so mind and be a good boy my resolution to be a good boy was so sincere that not even the nurse s presents of apples and cake could induce me to dry my tears and thus with the slate dangling from my neck the apples in my pocket and the cake in my hand i went on my way weeping who stood leaning against the of the and who was taking snuff as usual received me very graciously and gave me his hand to kiss was too innocent to heed the movement	8
and the bringing his hand in forcible contact with my mouth asked hast thou not been told by thy parents to greet thy master with a respectful inclination and to kiss his hand whenever thou to come into his presence this once i pardon thy fault but this once only saying which and taking hold of my ear in a familiar and playful manner he led me towards the school room which with the shouts of half a hundred boys he seized the lock as if to open door but took a second thought and looked through the suddenly a terrible noise like the falling down of half a dozen heavy tables or caused him to alter his plan of operations again and to upon and seize the in the act he rushed in dragging me along by the ear the uproar was hushed in a moment there was a quick shuffling of a hundred bare feet as every boy strove to regain his place in the centre of the room lay the black board which had been detached from the wall and by its side s table with its four clumsy legs turned upwards who did this cried my ear with all the energy of just indignation who did this no answer i ask you once more who did this still the boys were silent take care if you make me angry it will be the worse for you all who did this said one of the boys rising and trembling violently am i to understand that the table and board have left their places without human agency ye es said the boy and had his ears his impertinence this powerful argument and l s threat to a to eve t boy in the room proved more convincing than all the s and after m my tions and the crime was fixed on a jew vain were samuel s a cloud of witnesses were arrayed against the unfortunate hebrew samuel come up cried turning up his coat sleeves and in other respects clearing for action he grasped a large ruler the well known and dreaded instrument of his justice l sitting down on his stool in the position prescribed by the ancient he cast a terrible look at the trembling little jew and desired in an awful voice to know why he had done all this mischief by my life sir i did not do it it was he stopped at the name for in the farthest corner of the room a fist was held up that of the real who was a admirer of justice compelled samuel to raise the table and hang the board up in its accustomed spot ma task evidently beyond his strength and which he accomplished only after various unsuccessful attempts when he had finished and now said tell me why did you do this you told me to hang up the board the jew i ask why you took it down thundered the all the boys laughed and samuel cried bring the and purchase a repeated he taking a from a very long and purse the and were soon in and samuel s agony was prolonged until had read prayers the jew who during prayers had been confined in an adjoining room for his religion prevented his joining in an act of christian worship was then brought up again and proceeded to the centre of his person with that of impressive blows which to the in popular education is known by the of a had just satisfied the claims of his duty and of justice and samuel bearing the traces of his in his every movement had just gained the last form on which he as an was condemned to sit when the door opened and admitted two stout men whose appearance to v us with awe these men household words of the and a better sort of national school which was however as inadequate to the numbers requiring its aid as the church itself the inhabitants were looked upon with a kind of indignant pity by those who were acquainted with their situation and mr joseph the great political who had expressed his conviction that a servant on four pounds a year might by care and economy die worth twenty thousand pounds gave up st in despair exactly as a person who has never learnt to swim cannot understand that there can be any difficulty till he is thrown into the water yet wonderful were the heaped up by the toils of the st community was the produce wrought by the almost and forms which made up three parts of the of its inhabitants those who saw the and in their fashions and most elaborate patterns in the fairy like of glass and bronze which once were called shop windows those young ladies whose dresses were so soft that it was a luxury to brush against them in a little that so much sickness dirt and disorder had been spent in their manufacture but it has often been remarked that reform arises at tl e seasons and from the quarters where it is least expected it was so with st its dull heavy church had fallen into in fact its dirty stone coloured with their sham mahogany tops carved with the names and of a sleepy congregation were eloquent though silent evidence of the general state of things the who was much too wise to live in so healthy a neighbourhood had left it for the most part in the hands of gentlemen who did occasional duty receiving two guineas for their sunday as to the other supposed duties of a clergyman in visiting teaching and a thousand other genuine offices few people in st had ever heard of them consequently few people complained of their absence about this time the new bishop of st l s began to do some real good and to talk about for and to and wash	8
houses and to take other means for teaching people by with the more outward lesson of cleanliness many people had cried out against the bishop and sometimes with reason but all united in admiring him for his zeal on the present occasion his activity earnestness and liberality began to communicate their influence to others and people wondered to see the self supporting in which the goddess of health began to be worshipped while no one missed the guinea or two which he had invested for a purpose so obviously useful fortunately st was in the bishop s and its and other authorities began to attract notice a gentlemanly but remonstrance brought the back fi om his stall at and his conscience proving too strong even for his cathedral the rev samuel gave up the living of st to a successor about the same time the neighbouring parish of also changed its and changed for the worse meeting with a gentleman who carried the to excess emptied the church of its congregation and finally went to live on the sea coast for his health the fact was people said that his head was going but the new of st was a different kind of man report spoke highly of his splendid career m d few literary societies were not proud of his but the people of st did not want learning and the rev did not trouble them with it he was a desperate man of business had regular hours for everything never omitted anything never made and never for anything he talked to men not according i to his own knowledge or views of a subject but in language calculated to teach them to think for themselves he appealed only to evidences with which his hearers ought to be and never used the word because a man could not understand hard and doubtful traditions he was in a parish where was working and was here there and everywhere at one hour speaking words of ready sensible kindness to ragged at another sitting as president on a board for forming a school for the very same and late at night writing hard at one of the powerful and brilliant i which were fast bringing reform to the region of st old ladies who had thought only of the nuisance of living anywhere near so dirty a place began to pay large cab in rainy weather sooner than miss the s charity sermons and they were numerous let us rather say his sermons told no tale but that of charity wealthy who kept their at gave up their against church and were almost glad to be asked for a still men found themselves equally unable to withstand the tact and common sense with which the rev forced them to believe that an neighbourhood is ill calculated to produce active and efficient workmen model lodging houses began to rear their lofty piles of windows dirty shops found red sell less rapidly than before holiday excursions were talked of and actually took place and st seemed as though its inhabitants born and bred in the of the earth had gradually been brought to the radiant and light of the sun household words a a y lost their lives there had not been such an extensive fire since the colony was established the story of the fox chapter the seventh su were the at court to which all animals were crowding while the fox was in his and when the singing and the dancing and the eating and the drinking had continued for eight days and the king sat at table beside the queen the rabbit came before him bleeding he exclaimed and all of you have pity on me rarely have you been told such t as i have suffered now from yesterday morning at about the sixth horn i was on my to this court passing his castle there he sat at the door in a pilgrim s dress reading as it appeared to me his morning prayers when he saw me he rose gently and advanced i thought to give me greeting but then suddenly he seized me with his and me so between the em that i believed my head was coming off luckily i broke loose and being light escaped from him but behind an ear see how my head look at these four holes in my neck you may imagine ho v near i w to death who can travel to your court if robbers thus are suffered to your subjects before he had done g came the crow l and said l noble king i bring a sad story but i don t i can tell it you i am not to say much for my heart is breaking o such a pitiable thing has happened to me to day my wife and i went out together early lay there on the heath dead his eyes were twisted in his head and his tongue hung out of his open mouth then i began to scream th he did not come to life and i screamed a lament for him cried bless my soul dear me dear me al he is dead how sorry i am how much i am distressed and said it all over again l y wife too we were both him i tapped about his belly and his head my wife approached and listened near his chin to hear if there were any breath but no we could have both sworn he was quite dead now hear the misfortune in her sorrow without thinking put her bill upon the rascal s mouth the monster noticed that and snapped her head off i won t mention how i was fl dear me dear me shrieked an shouted then he darted after me and snapped i flew away and sat upon a tree alas wherefore had i escaped i saw my wife in the s claws he	8
had soon eaten the dear creature he seemed to look more left not a darling bone for me to gather when he was gone i looked and found nothing but blood m d a few feathers these i bring as of his crime o have pity on us for if you let the traitor go it will be said there is no law because there is no punishment then the king was and said i iy wife persuaded me but i am not the last who shall repent of following a woman s counsel decide now how this rascal shall be brought to judgment and liked the royal speech but dared not say a word themselves because they saw the king was in a passion at last the queen said show less anger if you wish to have your words thought l no rash vow has not been heard and many an would be silent were he here to explain his case i thought prudent and sensible though to be sure he causes scandal by his way of life i seem to have been in error about him but he certainly is clever as a and his are important you will not mend matters by you are master think deliberately for you surely do whatever you resolve and the king said then why should i sit here waiting for him i command you all to be prepared on the sixth day fi om this to follow me i ll see the end of this what say the honourable gentlemen get ready come with harness on your backs come with bows and other we we will peep into the inside of his castle thereupon all cried we will obey off to carry the intelligence to l he us at the court thought but he is the head of our family a clever fellow and we shall not hold our own without him so he reached the castle where he found sitting outside for he had just caught two young they had ventured out of the nest half and fallen to the ground where had snapped them up having seen at a distance he awaited him nephew he said nobody could be more welcome but why do you run so fast and you are what news do you bring replied uncomfortable news the king has sworn to kill you i beheld his wrath in six days all his subjects are to meet him in arms before the walls of and are his trusted is his field the rabbit and the crow came to complain of you ah if the king gets you prisoner again you have not long to live is that all said the fox i do not care a nut for that though the king s parliament had s to kill me three times over i should still escape they debate and debate and debate but it is nothing that they do dear nephew think no more about it but come and see what i will give you i have just caught these young and fat they are my favourite dish they easily they w mt no biting and words they were no children there was no reason for delay so everybody knew of the engagement immediately and the preparations went on diligently a s marriage is always a season of great interest and amusement in this c e it was unusually from the singular innocence of the gentleman about all household affairs he showed all the solicitude of which he was capable to have everything right and comfortable for a but his ideas were so extraordinary that his friends suspected that he had been by certain youths of his con o who had indeed made solemn suggestions to him about boxes and rolling pins and and ball irons and other the names of were strange to him he had promised to leave the whole concern of furnishing in the hands of a discreet lady and her daughters with a power of appeal to in doubtful cases but when these mysterious names had been lying on his mind for some days he could not help making inquiries and suggestions which brought g but laughter upon him mr and l rs thought the went rather too far but did not seem to mind it his head should not be stuffed with nonsense observed r to his wife when business that he really ought to be attending to is left undone you mean the life replied she why do you not remind him of it i believe i must but it is not a pleasant thing to do no man in his circumstances ought to need to be spoken to more than once however i have to suggest to him to all this pretty furniture that his friends are giving him and while i am speaking about the fire i can easily mention the more important one i should feel no difficulty observed rs he will be purely thankful to you for telling him what he ought to do an opportunity soon occurred the presents came in fast the were consulted about how to them all one evening at supper the conversation naturally turned as it probably does in every house on what should be saved fit st in case of fire mr asked r ell son whether his landlord had not the cottage and whether he himself was not thinking of the fur from fire how old are you my dear inquired her father sixteen papa indeed i should have taken you to be six years younger i should wonder at a child of ten talking so as you are mr stared for his sympathy with s sentiment was so strong that he was looking at her with eyes and softly dear dear child g it took some time to convince both for young ladies of sixteen sometimes see things less clearly than six years before and ten years after that	8
age that if precious papers and gifts are unhappily lost in a fire that is no reason why tables and chairs and fish and boxes and carpets and house linen should not be paid for by an office but at last both young lady and saw this still did not look satisfied and her father invited her to utter what was in her mind after some about whether her thoughts were silly and whether it would be silly to speak them out came the scruple was there not something worldly in thinking so much about money a td the future dear dear child again mr mr did not think the apprehension silly but in his opinion the danger of lay the other way he thought the lay in a man s spending all his income leaving wife and children to be maintained by their neighbours in case of accidents which may happen any day to anybody and which do happen to a certain proportion of people within an assigned time as regularly as death happens to all had nothing to say against life because every man knows that he shall die and there is no speculation in the case but she was extremely surprised to hear that there is an equal certainty though of a extent about fire and other accidents that it is a fact that out of so many such and such a number will have their houses burned down is it indeed so asked it is indeed so moreover out of so much property such and such an amount will perish by fire every being bound in with this state of things for his instant opposition arose from r s share of the risk he owes it equally to others second daughter who declared that and to himself to secure the compensation in she could not bear to think of such a thing case of accident does he not she begged that nobody would speak of such a how to others thing indeed she wondered that anybody because he should contribute his share to could when induced to explain the emotions the if you like to call it so by with which her mind was she de i which the sufferer from fire whoever he be her horror that any one to l is to be thus you see her could i el that any money could com en i that w hich seems to you an act of for the loss of the precious things such i is a act as well as as old letters and fond which a prudent one perish in a fire when reminded admitted that i wo ds r battle sh p no such thing a painted board tells you it is the top mast of a of the fourth class it does not strike you with more wonder disappointment a sort of displeasure at the inability to arrive at the end of greatness but there now there is a wooden which at last brings you to the close of your search it a huge painted white with broad and thick iron painted white also and then a second and a third and but the tl ing is so fat and that you cannot see beyond this then must be the main mast of a first rate line of battle ship a ship of a hundred guns no doubt wrong again of a of the second class we give it up these and of course the main yet more are built up as regularly as a monument or wooden tower but let us pass on to something more within one s range for being no longer to their early origin in a bit of stick set up in wax by tiny little fingers may be said to have passed beyond the bounds of ordinary human sympathy and to belong to the higher orders of naval architecture displayed by the raising of an iron door or wherein you see the fl and leaping up and down and flapping about and thrusting forth their ton tes and struggling to come out and those nearest at hand presently two dusky forms advance to the glaring with such as you only see here and in a ery grand christmas and drag forth a great square cake of red hot copper and sparks and as it is drawn along the iron towards a pair of great smooth of solid iron and of many tons weight placed one above the other with an al of a couple of inches between to this interval one side of the red hot cake is presented and though it is perhaps three inches thick it is drawn in by the revolving motion of the and forced through having been and expanded by their great weight and pressure in the process it is received by and on the other side passed over the top of the which are then by the turn of a screw brought a little closer together when the operation of pressing through the cake of copper between them is repeated to its still greater and this is repeated till from a red hot cake of three inches thick by fifteen inches square it becomes a sheet of copper of the sixteenth of an inch thick and perhaps four or five feet long by this time the sheet of copper has become of a y colour like a cloud but it is in a of liquid and after being turned over several times it is drawn out cool and of the usual red of our wrought copper t another set of x similar operation is taking place for the manufacture of copper for this purpose the are in circles like deeply rings the being of different shapes or different rolls according as square bars or round bars are required a red hot piece of copper about a foot and half in length and four inches square in thickness is	8
spent all my money i had sold all my property there remained nothing but a little furniture in my house which was in a quiet retired er of the town but then had completed a machine and sent it for the approval of the y of the interior who promised to purchase it for the government i now looked forward with delight to a long career of success and saw the completion of my flying machine in prospect on this i depended and still depend for fame reputation and fortune i had then a good wife and four children she is dead now the paused puffed away vigorously at his pipe and tried to hide his emotion from our view by himself in smoke i was naturally impatient for some result he continued when his face became once more visible i used to go every day to the and wait in the with other for my turn weeks passed and then months and yet it never came but we must all eat and six mouths are not fed for nothing we had no resources save our clothes and our furniture my clothes were needed to go out with so the furniture went first one m was sold and the produce applied by my careful wife to the wants of the family we had come to that point when food is the only thing which must be looked on as a necessity we lived hardly indeed bread and a little soup was all we ever attempted to indulge in six months passed without any change for the better i went to the minister s every day sometimes i saw him and sometimes did not he was al very polite bowed to me said my machine was under consideration should be reported on immediately and passed on his way it was the dead of winter every m of furniture was now gone my wife and children having not gone out for two months for want of clothes we huddled together for warmth on two straw in the corner of empty room without table without chairs household ds co a t themselves disagreeable manner by not going to bed at all people who stop up or out all may be divided into three classes market and all those who are kept out of their beds by business secondly gentlemen and anxious to cultivate a knowledge of the lark species or intent on the of the and lastly those ladies l and gentlemen who do not go to bed for the very simple reason that they have no beds to go to the members of this last class a very numerous said to possess the key of the street and a remarkably key it is it will for you all manner of you would fain know nothing about it is the open to you never saw before and would much rather never see again ma key to knowledge which should surely make the a man if it make him not a wiser one come with me luxuriant tenant of four on feather bed and in lawn come with me comfortable snug come with me even workman peasant on narrow though your be hard and your rug coarse leave your bed bad as it may be and gaze on those who have no beds at all follow with me the veins and of this huge giant that lies a sleeping listen while with the key of the street the stony and bring forth the book and from the page read forth the lore of midnight london life i have no bed to night why it matters not perhaps i have lost my latch key perhaps i never had one yet am fearful of knocking up my landlady after midnight perhaps i have a caprice a stopping up all night at all events i have no bed and saving sixpence in silver and in no money must walk the streets all night for i cannot look you get anything in the shape of a bed for less than a shilling coffee houses into which by their cheap appearance i have entered and where i have humbly sought a lodging laugh my to scorn they demand impossible shillings there is clearly no bed for me it is an establishment of the glass of ale and description is an early closing one and the as he serves me orders the pot boy to put up the shutters for he is off to bed happy proprietor there is a bearded tailor too very having his last pint who a similar intention he calls it thrice happy tailor i envy him fiercely as he goes out though god his bed chamber may be but a and his bed a tattered hop sack with a great coat from the of and son and which he has been working at all day for a i envy his children i am sure he has a ragged brood of them for they have at least somewhere to sleep i haven t i watch with a species of lazy curiosity the whole process of closing the original ae house from the sudden shooting up of the shutters through the area grating like gigantic in a box to the final of and iron nuts then bend my steps westward and at the corner of street stop to contemplate a cab stand weary brain invention torture ingenuity all and in vain for the miserable acquisition of six feet of and a blanket had i the impudence now the calm of my friend bolt i should not be five minutes without a bed bolt verily believe would not have the slightest hesitation in walking into the hotel in street or street asking for supper and a having his bed warmed and would trust to providence and his happy of falling like a cat on all for in the morning could as soon imitate bolt as i could dance	8
on the tight rope again that stern who always you when you relieve him and whose request for the loan of half a crown is more like a threat than a petition i say would make a violent into a friend s room and if he did not turn him out of his bed would at least take possession of his sofa and his great coats for the night and demand breakfast in the morning if i were only now what am i to do it s just a quarter past twelve how am i to walk about till noon to it is midnight so the tongue of st s tells i stand thus at temple bar i have walked a good deal during the day and have an uncomfortable sensation in my feet suggesting the idea that the of my boots are made of brick bat i am thirsty too it is july and and just as the last of st s is heard i have half a pint of porter and a ninth part of my is gone from me for ever the public house where i bare it or rather the beer shop for morrow suppose i walk three miles an hour am i to walk thirty five miles in these fearful london streets suppose it rains can i stand under an for twelve hours i have heard of the dark arches of the and of crouching there by night but then i have read m i household words that police are nightly by their to out these and drive them from their refuge then there are the dry arches of bridge and the railway words i had not dismounted we should probably have rolled back together when i reached the top of the bank rather out of breath i looked back a d saw david making piteous signs as he moved off rapidly for me to push along but this was er said than done the brown home would not let me come near him round and round he went and plunging until i was quite exhausted and threatening were alike useless every moment it was getting darker once i thought of letting the brute go and swimming back to david but when i looked at the stream and thought of that idea was dismissed another in which we up the sand in a circle was equally fruitless and i began to think he would keep me there to be drowned for to cross to on foot before the tide came up strong seemed hopeless at length finding i could not get to touch his shoulder i seized the opportunity when he was close to the bank of the stream and catching the sharply in both hands backed him half way down into the water before he had quite struggled up to the top i threw myself into the saddle and was carried off at the rate of thirty miles an hour toward the sea but i soon gathered up the reins and firm in my seat turned my s head toward the point where i could see the white wind mill gleaming through the twilight on the shore i felt that i had not a moment to spare the sand so firm in the morning sounded damp under my home s stride the little pools filled visibly and joining formed shallow lakes through which we dashed in a shower of spray and every now and then we leaped over or plunged into deep holes at first i tried to choose a path but as it rapidly grew darker i sat back in my saddle and with my eyes fixed on the tower of the held my horse firmly into a hand gallop and kept a straight line he was a famous deep long little fellow and bounded along as fresh as when i started by degrees my spirits began to rise i thought the danger past i felt confidence in myself and horse and shouted to him in encouraging triumph already i was in imagination landed and relating my day s adventures to when with a heavy plunge down on his head right over went the brown and away i as far as the reins fortunately fast grasped would let me blinded with wet sand startled shaken confused by a sort of instinct i scrambled to my feet almost as soon as my horse who had fallen over a set of salmon net even in the instant of my fall all the horror of my situation was mentally visible to me in a moment i lived years i felt that i was a dead man i wondered if my body would be found i thought of what my friends would say i thought of letters in my desk i wished burned i thought of relatives to whom my journey to was unknown of debts i wished paid of parties with whom i had quarrelled and wished i had been reconciled i wondered whether would mourn for me whether she really loved me in fact the most serious and ridiculous thoughts were altogether while i muttered once or twice a prayer and yet i did not lose a moment in this time my horse made no resistance but stood over his in a pool of salt water and trembled and no fiercely but in fear there was no time to lose i looked round for the dark line of the shore it had sunk in the twilight i looked again for the white tower it had disappeared the fall and the rolling and turning of the horse in rising had all my notions of the points of the compass i could not tell whether it was the dark clouds from the sea or the dizzy whirling of my brain but it seemed to have become black night in a moment the water seemed to flow in all directions round and round i tried but could not	8
hap the new wound and the old chap the chap absence chap return chap chap i am shown two interesting chap i a light shines on my way chap a visitor chap a last list op plates page our ax church i am by mr the friendly waiter and i my musical breakfast and mr changes at home mrs casts a damp on our departure my magnificent order at the public house i make myself known to my aunt the momentous interview i return to the doctor s after the party somebody turns up my first fall in life we arrive unexpectedly at mr s fireside i make the acquaintance of miss in hovering near us at the dinner party i fall into we are disturbed in our xiv list of plates i find mr going out with the tide mr and mrs my aunt me mr and his partner wait upon my aunt mr some remarks makes a figure in parliament and i report him the wanderer and i in conference with the i am married our housekeeping mr dick my aunt s the river mr s dream comes true restoration of mutual confidence between mr and mrs my child wife s old companion i am the bearer of evil tidings the i am shown two interesting a stranger calls to see me page line from bottom of page for bo read u from bottom of page make tbe same from bottom of page make tbe same from top of page make the same twenty lines in advance make the same line from bottom of page for read personal history and experience david the younger chapter i i am born whether i shall turn out to be the hero of my own life or whether that station will be held by anybody else these pages must show to begin my life with the beginning of my life i record that i was born as i have been informed and believe on a at twelve o clock at night it was remarked that the clock began to strike and i began to cry simultaneously in consideration of the day and hour of my birth it was declared by the nurse and by some sage women in the neighbourhood who had taken a lively interest in me several months before there was any possibility of our becoming personally acquainted first that i was destined to be unlucky in life and secondly that i was privileged to see ghosts and spirits both these gifts inevitably as they believed to all unlucky of either born towards the small hours on a night i need say nothing here on the first head because nothing can show better than my history whether that was or by the result on the second branch of the question i will only remark that unless i ran through that part of my inheritance while i was still a baby i have not come into it yet but i do not at all complain of having been kept out of this property and if anybody else should be in the present enjoyment of it he is heartily welcome to keep it i was born with a which was advertised for sale in the newspapers at the low price of fifteen guineas whether sea going people were short of money about that time or were short of faith and preferred cork i don t know all i know is that there was but one solitary bidding and that was from an attorney connected with the business who offered two pounds in cash and the balance in b the personal history and experience but declined to be from drowning on any higher bargain consequently the advertisement was withdrawn at a dead for as to my poor dear mother s own was in the market and ten years afterwards the was put up in a down in our part of the country to fifty members at half a crown a head the to spend five shillings i was present myself and i remember to have felt quite uncomfortable and confused at a part of myself being disposed of in that way the was won i recollect by an old lady with a hand basket who very reluctantly produced from it the five shillings all in and as it took an immense time and a great waste of to endeavour without any effect to prove to her it is a fact which will be long remembered as remarkable down there that she was never drowned but died triumphantly in bed at ninety two i have understood that it was to the last her boast that she never had been on the water in her life except upon a bridge and that over her tea to which she was extremely partial she to the last expressed her indignation at the of and others who had the presumption to go about the world it was in vain to represent to her that some tea perhaps included resulted from this objectionable practice she returned with greater emphasis and with an instinctive knowledge of the strength of her objection let us have no not to myself at present i will go back to my birth i was born at in or thereby as they say in scotland i was a child my father s eyes had closed upon the light of this world six months when mine opened on it there is something strange to me even now in the reflection that he never saw me and something stranger yet in the shadowy remembrance that i have of my first childish associations with his white grave stone in the churchyard and of the compassion i used to feel for it lying out alone there in the dark night when our little parlor was warm and bright with fire and candle and the doors of our house were almost cruelly it seemed to me sometimes bolted and	8
locked against it an aunt of my father s and consequently a great aunt of mine of whom i shall have more to relate by and by was the principal of our family miss or miss as my poor mother always called her when she sufficiently overcame her dread of this formidable personage to mention her at all which was seldom had been married to a husband younger than herself who was very handsome except in the sense of the homely handsome is that handsome does for he was strongly suspected of having beaten miss and even of having once on a disputed question of supplies made some hasty but determined arrangements to throw her out of a two pair of stairs window these evidences of an of temper induced miss to pay him off and effect a separation by mutual consent he went to india with his capital and there according to a wild legend in our family he was once seen riding on an elephant in company with a but i think it must have been a or a any how from india of david tidings of his death reached home within ten years how they affected my aunt nobody knew for immediately upon the separation she took her maiden name again bought a cottage in a hamlet on the sea coast a long way off established herself there as a single woman with one servant and was understood to live secluded ever afterwards in an retirement my father had once been a favorite of hers i believe but she was by his marriage on the ground that my mother was a wax doll she had never seen my mother but she knew her to be not yet twenty my father and miss never met again he was double my mother s age when he married and of but a delicate constitution he died a year afterwards and as i have said six months before i came into the world this was the state of matters on the afternoon of what i may be excused for calling that and important friday i can make no claim therefore to have known at that time how matters stood or to have any remembrance founded on the evidence of my own senses of what follows my mother was sitting by the fire but poorly in health and very low in spirits looking at it through her tears and heavily about herself and the little stranger who was already welcomed by some of prophetic pins in a drawer up stairs to a world not at all excited on the subject of his arrival my mother i say was sitting by the fire that bright windy march afternoon very timid and sad and very doubtful of ever coming alive out of the trial that was before her when lifting her eyes as she dried them to the window opposite she saw a strange lady coming up the garden my mother had a sure at the second glance that it was miss the setting sun was glowing on the strange lady over the garden fence and she came walking up to the door with a fell of figure and composure of countenance that could have belonged to nobody else when she reached the house she gave another proof of her identity my father had often hinted that she seldom conducted herself like any ordinary christian and now instead of ringing the bell she came and looked in at that identical window pressing the end of her nose against the glass to that extent that my poor dear mother used to say it became perfectly flat and white in a moment she gave my mother such a turn that i have always been convinced i am indebted to miss for having been born on a friday my mother had left her chair in her agitation and gone behind it in the corner miss looking round the room slowly and began on the other side and carried her eyes on like a s head in a dutch clock until they reached my mother then she made a frown and a gesture to my mother like one who was accustomed to be obeyed to come and open the door my mother went mrs david i think said miss the emphasis referring perhaps to my mother s mourning weeds and her condition yes said my mother faintly b the personal history and miss said the visitor you have heard of i dare say my mother answered she had had that pleasure and she had a disagreeable consciousness of not appearing to imply that it had been an overpowering pleasure now you see her said miss my mother bent her head and begged her to walk in they went into the parlor my mother had come from the fire in the best room on the other side of the passage not being lighted not having been lighted indeed since my father s funeral and when they were both seated and miss said nothing my mother after vainly trying to restrain herself began to cry oh tut tut tut said miss in a hurry don t do that come come my mother couldn t help it notwithstanding so she cried until she had had her cry out take off your cap child said miss and let me see you my mother was too much afraid of her to refuse compliance with this odd request if she had any disposition to do so therefore she did as she was told and did it with such nervous hands that her hair which was luxuriant and beautiful fell all about her face why bless my heart exclaimed miss you are a very baby my mother was no doubt unusually youthful in appearance even for her years she hung her head as if it were her fault poor thing and said sobbing that indeed she was afraid she was but a	8
childish widow and would be but a childish mother if she lived in a short pause which ensued she had a fancy that she felt miss touch her hair and that with no hand but looking at her in her timid hope she found that lady sitting with the skirt of her dress tucked up her hands folded on one knee and her feet upon the frowning at the fire in the name of heaven said miss suddenly why do you mean the house ma am asked my mother why said miss would have been more to the purpose if you had had any practical ideas of life either of you the name was mr s choice returned my mother when he bought the house he liked to think that there were about it the evening wind made such a disturbance just now among some tall old elm trees at the bottom of the garden that neither my mother nor miss could forbear glancing that way as the elms bent to one another like giants who were whispering secrets and after a few seconds of such repose fell into a violent tossing their wild arms about as if their late confidences were really too wicked for their peace of mind some weather beaten ragged old nests their higher branches swung like upon a stormy sea where are the birds asked miss of david the my mother had been thinking of something else the what has become of them asked miss there have not been any since we have lived here said my mother we thought mr thought it was quite a large but the nests were very old ones and the birds have deserted them a long while david all over cried miss david from head to foot calls a house a when there s not a near it and takes the birds on trust because he sees the nests mr returned my mother is dead and if you dare to speak of him to me my poor dear mother i suppose had some momentary intention of committing an assault and battery upon my aunt who could easily have settled her with one hand even if my mother had been in far better training for such an encounter than she was that evening but it passed with the action of rising from her chair and she sat down again very meekly and fainted when she came to herself or when miss had restored her whichever it was she found the latter standing at the window the twilight was by this time down into darkness and dimly as they saw each other they could not have done that without the aid of the fire well said miss coming back to her chair as if she had only been taking a casual look at the prospect and when do you expect i am all in a tremble faltered my mother i don t know what s the matter i shall die i am sure no no no said miss have some tea oh dear me dear me do you think it will do me any good cried my mother in a helpless manner of course it will said miss it s nothing but fancy what do you call your girl i don t know that it will be a girl yet ma am said my mother innocently bless the baby exclaimed miss unconsciously quoting the second sentiment of the in the drawer up stairs but applying it to my mother instead of me i don t mean that i mean your servant girl said my mother repeated miss with some indignation do you mean to say child that any human being has gone into a christian church and got herself named it s her said my mother faintly mr called her by it because her christian name was the same as mine here cried miss opening the parlor door tea your mistress is a little don t having issued this with as much as if she had been a recognised authority in the house ever since it had been a house and having looked out to the amazed coming along the passage with a candle at the sound of a strange voice miss shut the personal history and experience the door again and sat down as before with her feet on the the skirt of her dress tucked up and her hands folded on one knee you were speaking about its being a girl said miss i have no doubt it will be a girl i have a that it must be a girl now child from the moment of the birth of this girl perhaps boy my mother took the liberty of putting in i tell you i have a that it must be a girl returned miss don t contradict from the moment of this girl s birth child i intend to be her friend i intend to be her and i beg you ll call her there must be no mistakes in life with this there must be no trifling with her affections poor dear she must be well brought up and well guarded from any foolish confidences where they are not deserved i must make that my care there was a of miss s head after each of these sentences as if her own old wrongs were working within her and she repressed any reference to them by strong so my mother suspected at least as she observed her by the low glimmer of the fire too much scared by miss too uneasy in herself and too subdued and bewildered altogether to observe anything very clearly or to know what to say and was david good to you child asked miss when she had been silent for a little while and these motions of her head had gradually ceased were you comfortable together we were very happy said my mother mr was	8
only too good to me what he spoilt you i suppose returned miss for being quite alone and dependent on myself in this rough world again yes i fear he did indeed sobbed my mother well don t cry said miss you were not equally matched child if any two people can be equally matched and so i asked the question you were an orphan weren t you yes and a i was nursery in a family where mr came to visit mr was very kind to me and took a great deal of notice of me and paid me a good deal of attention and at last proposed to me and i accepted him and so we were married said my mother simply ha poor baby mused miss with her frown still bent upon the fire do you know anything i beg your pardon ma am faltered my mother about keeping house for instance said miss not much i fear returned my mother not so much as i could wish but mr was teaching me much he knew about it himself said miss in a and i hope i should have improved being very anxious to learn and he very patient to teach if the great misfortune of his death my mother broke down again here and get no farther of david well well said miss i kept my housekeeping book regularly and balanced it with mr every night cried my mother in another burst of distress and breaking down again well well said miss don t cry any more and i am sure we never had a word of difference respecting it except when mr objected to my and being too much like each other or to my putting curly tails to my and resumed my mother in another burst and breaking down again you ll make yourself ill said miss and you know that will not be good either for you or for my god daughter come you mustn t do it s this argument had some share in my mother though her increasing perhaps had a larger one there was an interval of silence only broken by miss s occasionally ha as she sat with her feet upon the david had bought an for himself with his money i know said she by and by what did he do for you mr said my mother answering with some difficulty was so considerate and good as to secure the of a part of it to me how much asked miss a hundred and five pounds a year said my mother he might have done worse said my aunt the word was appropriate to the moment my mother was so much worse that coming in with the and candles and seeing at a glance how ill she was as miss might have done sooner if there had been light enough conveyed her up stairs to her own room with all speed and immediately ham her nephew who had been for some days past in the house unknown to my mother as a special messenger in case of emergency to fetch the nurse and doctor those allied powers were considerably astonished when they arrived within a few minutes of each other to find an unknown lady of appearance sitting before the fire with her bonnet tied over her left arm stopping her ears with cotton knowing nothing about her and my mother saying nothing about her she was quite a mystery in the parlor and the fact of her having a magazine of cotton in her pocket and sticking the article in her ears in that way did not from the solemnity of her presence the doctor having been up stairs and come down again and himself i suppose that there was a probability of this unknown lady and himself having to sit there face to face for some hours laid himself out to be polite and social he was the of his sex the of little men he in and out of a room to take up the less space he walked as softly as the ghost in hamlet and more slowly he carried his head on one side partly in modest of himself partly in modest of everybody else it is nothing to say that he hadn t a word to throw at a dog he couldn t have the personal history and experience thrown a word at a mad dog he might have offered him one gently or half a one or a fragment of one for he spoke as slowly as he walked but he wouldn t have been rude to him and he couldn t have been quick with him for any earthly consideration mr looking mildly at my aunt with his head on one side and making her a little bow said in allusion to the cotton as he softly touched his left ear some local irritation ma am what replied my aunt pulling the cotton out of one ear like a cork mr was so alarmed by her as he told my mother afterwards that it was a mercy he didn t lose his presence of mind but he repeated sweetly some local irritation ma am nonsense replied my aunt and herself again at one blow mr could do nothing after this but sit and look at her feebly as she sat and looked at the fire until he was called up stairs again after some quarter of an hour s absence he returned well said my aunt taking the cotton out of the ear nearest to him well ma am returned mr we are we are slowly ma am ba a ah said my aunt with a perfect shake on the contemptuous and herself as before really as mr told my mother he was almost shocked speaking in a professional point of view alone he	8
was almost shocked but he sat and looked at her notwithstanding for nearly two hours as she sat looking at the fire until he was again called out after another absence he again returned well said my aunt taking out the cotton on that side again well ma am returned mr we are we are slowly ma am a ah said my aunt with such a at him that mr absolutely could not bear it it was really calculated to break his spirit he said afterwards he preferred to go and sit upon the stairs in the dark and a strong draught until he was again sent for ham who went to the national school and was a very at his and who may therefore be regarded as a witness reported next day that happening to peep in at the parlor door an hour after this he was instantly by miss then walking to and fro in a state of agitation and upon before he could make his escape that there were now occasional sounds of feet and voices overhead which he inferred the cotton did not from the circumstance of his evidently being clutched by the lady as a victim on whom to her agitation when the sounds were that marching him constantly up and down by the collar as if he had been taking too much she at those times shook him his hair made light of his linen stopped ms ears as if she confounded them of david with her own and otherwise and him this was in part confirmed by his aunt who saw him at half past twelve o clock soon after his release and affirmed that he was then as red as i was the mild mr could not possibly bear malice at such a time if at any time he into the parlor as soon as he was at liberty and said to my aunt in his manner well ma am i am happy to congratulate you what upon said my aunt sharply mr was fluttered again by the extreme severity of my aunt s manner so he made her a little bow and gave her a little smile to her mercy on the man what s he doing cried my aunt impatiently can t he speak be calm my dear ma am said mr in his accents there is no longer any occasion for uneasiness ma am be calm it has since been considered almost a miracle that my aunt didn t shake him and shake what he had to say out of him she only shook her own head at him but in a way that made him well ma am resumed mr as soon as he had courage i am happy to congratulate you all is now over ma am and well over during the five minutes or so that mr devoted to the delivery of this my aunt eyed him narrowly how is she said my aunt folding her arms with her bonnet still tied on one of them well ma am she will soon be quite comfortable i hope returned mr quite as comfortable as we can expect a young mother to be under these melancholy domestic circumstances there cannot be any objection to your seeing her presently ma am it may do her good and she how is she said my aunt sharply mr laid his head a little more on one side and looked at my aunt like an amiable bird the baby said my aunt how is she ma am returned mr i apprehended you had known it s a boy my aunt said never a word but took her bonnet by the strings in the manner of a aimed a blow at mr s head with it put it on bent walked out and never came back she vanished like a discontented fairy or like one of those supernatural beings whom it was supposed i was entitled to see and never came back any more no i lay in my basket and my mother lay in her bed but was for ever in the land of dreams and shadows the tremendous region whence i had so lately travelled and the light upon the window of our room shone out upon the earthly of all such travellers and the mound above the ashes and the dust that once was he without whom i had never been the personal history and experience ii i observe the first objects that assume a distinct presence before me as i look far back into the blank of my infancy are my mother with her pretty hair and youthful shape and with no shape at all and eyes so dark that they seemed to their whole neighbourhood in her face and cheeks and arms so hard and red that i wondered the birds didn t her in preference to apples i believe i can remember these two at a little distance apart to my sight by stooping down or kneeling on the floor and i going from the one to the other i have an impression on my mind which i cannot distinguish from actual remembrance of the touch of s fore finger as she used to hold it out to me and of its being by like a pocket this may be fancy though i think the memory of most of us can go farther back into such times than many of us suppose just as i believe the power of observation in numbers of very young children to be quite wonderful for its and accuracy indeed i think that most grown men who are remarkable in this respect may with greater propriety be said not to have lost the faculty than to have acquired it the rather as i generally observe such men to retain a certain freshness and gentleness and capacity of being pleased which are also an inheritance they have preserved from their	8
childhood i might have a that lam in stopping to say this but that it brings me to remark that i build these conclusions in part upon my own experience of myself and if it should appear from anything i may set down in this narrative that i was a child of close observation or that as a man i have a strong memory of my childhood i undoubtedly lay claim to both of these characteristics looking back as i was saying into the blank of my infancy the first objects i can remember as standing out by themselves from a confusion of things are my mother and what else do i remember let me see there comes out of the cloud our house not new to me but quite familiar in its earliest remembrance on the ground floor is s kitchen opening into a back yard with a pigeon house on a pole in the centre without any in it a great dog in a corner without any dog and a quantity of fowls that look terribly tall to me walking about in a menacing and ferocious manner there is one cock who gets upon a post to crow and seems to take particular notice of me as i look at him through the kitchen window who makes me shiver he is so fierce of the outside the side gate who come after me with their long necks stretched out when i go that way i dream at night as a man by wild beasts might dream of lions of david here is a long passage what an enormous perspective i make of it leading from s kitchen to the front door a dark store room opens out of it and that is a place to be run past at night for i don t know what may be among those and and old tea when there is nobody in there with a dimly burning light letting a air come out at the door in which there is the smell of soap candles and coffee all at one then there are the two the parlor in which we sit of an evening my mother and i and for is quite our companion when her work is done and we are alone and the best parlor where we sit on a sunday but not so comfortably there is something of a air about that room to me for has told me i don t know when but apparently ages go about my father s funeral and the company having their black put on one sunday night my mother reads to and me in there how was raised up from the dead and i am so frightened that they are afterwards obliged to take me out of bed and me the quiet churchyard out of the bedroom window with the dead all lying in their graves at rest below the solemn moon there is nothing half so green that i know anywhere as the grass of that churchyard nothing half so shady as its trees nothing half so quiet as its the sheep are feeding there when i kneel up early in the morning in my little bed in a closet within my mother s room to look out at it and i see the red light shining on the sun dial and think within myself is the sun dial glad i wonder that it can tell the time again u here is our in the church what a high backed with a window near it out of which our house can be seen and is seen during the morning s service by who likes to make herself as sure as she can that it s not being robbed or is not in flames but though s eye she is much offended if mine does and to me as i stand upon the seat that i am to look at the clergyman but i can t always look at him i know him without that white thing on and i am afraid of his wondering why i stare so and perhaps stopping the service to and what am i to do it s a dreadful thing to but i must do something i look at my mother but she not to see me i look at a boy in the aisle and lie makes faces at me i look at the sunlight coming in at the open door through the porch and there i see a stray sheep i don t mean a sinner but mutton half making up his mind to come into the church i feel that if i looked at him any longer i might be tempted to say something out loud and what would become of me then i look up at the on the wall and try to think of mr late of this parish and what the feelings of mrs must have been when affliction sore long time mr bore and were in vain i wonder whether they called in mr and he was in vain and if so how he likes to be reminded of it once a week i look from mr in his sunday to the pulpit and think what a good place it would be to play in and what a castle it would make with another boy coming up the stairs to attack it and the personal history and experience having the velvet cushion with the thrown down on his head in time my eyes gradually shut up and from seeming to hear the clergyman singing a drowsy song in the heat i hear nothing until i fall off the seat with a crash and am taken out more dead than alive by and now i see the outside of our house with the standing open to let in the sweet smelling air and the ragged old nests still	8
dangling in the elm trees at the bottom of the front garden now i am in the garden at the back beyond the yard where the empty pigeon house and dog are a very preserve of as i remember it with a high fence and a gate and where the fruit clusters on the trees and richer than fruit has ever been since in any other garden and where my mother some in a basket while i stand by and trying to look unmoved a great wind rises and the summer is gone in a moment we are playing in the winter twilight dancing about the parlor when my mother is out of breath and rests herself in an elbow chair i watch her winding her bright curls round her fingers and her waist and nobody knows better than i do that she likes to look so well and is proud of being so pretty that is among my very earliest impressions that and a sense that we were both a little afraid of and submitted ourselves in most things to her direction were among the first opinions if they may be so called that i ever derived from what i saw and i were sitting one night by the parlor fire alone i had been reading to about i must have read very or the poor soul must have been deeply interested for i remember she had a cloudy impression after i had done that they were a sort of vegetable i was tired of reading and dead sleepy but having leave as a high treat to sit up until my mother came home from spending the evening at a neighbour s i would rather have died upon my post of course than have gone to bed i had reached that stage of when seemed to swell and grow immensely large i propped my eyelids open with my two and looked at her as she sat at work at the little bit of wax candle she kept for her thread how old it looked being so wrinkled in all directions at the little house with a roof where the yard measure lived at her work box with a sliding lid with a view of saint paul s cathedral with a pink dome painted on the top at the brass on her finger at herself whom i thought lovely i felt so sleepy that i knew if i lost sight of anything for a moment i was gone says i suddenly were you ever married lord master replied what s put marriage in your head she answered with such a start that it quite awoke me and then she stopped in her work and looked at me with her needle drawn out to its thread s length but were you ever married says i you are a very handsome woman an t you of david i thought her in a different style from my mother certainly but of another school of beauty i considered her a perfect example there was a red velvet in the best parlor on which my mother had painted a the ground work of that stool and s complexion appeared to me to be one and the same thing the stool was smooth and was rough but that made no difference me handsome said no my dear but what put marriage in your head i don t know you mustn t marry more than one person at a time may you certainly not says with the decision but if you marry a person and the person dies why then you may marry another person t you you may says if you choose my dear that s a matter of opinion but what is your opinion said i i asked her and looked curiously at her because she looked so curiously at me my opinion is said taking her eyes from me after a little and going on with her work that i never was married myself master and that i don t expect to be that s all i know about the subject you an t cross i suppose are you said i after for a minute i really thought she was she had been so short with me but i was quite mistaken for she laid aside her work which was a of her own and opening her arms wide took my curly head within them and gave it a good squeeze i know it was a good squeeze because plump whenever she made any little exertion after she was dressed some of the buttons on the back of her gown off and i recollect two bursting to the opposite side of the parlor while she was me now let me hear some more about the said who was not quite right in the name yet for i an t heard half enough i couldn t quite understand why looked so queer or why she was so ready to go back to the however we returned to those monsters with fresh on my part and we left their eggs in the sand for the sun to and we ran away from them and baffled them by constantly turning which they were unable to do quickly on account of their make and we went into the water after them as natives and put sharp pieces of timber down their throats and in short we ran the whole did at least but i had my doubts of who was thoughtfully sticking her needle into various parts of her face and arms all the time we had exhausted the and begun with the when the garden bell rang we went out to the door and there was my mother looking unusually pretty i thought and with her a gentleman with beautiful black hair and whiskers who had walked home with us from church last sunday the personal history and experience as my	8
mother stooped down on the to take me in her arms and kiss me the gentleman said i was a more highly privileged little fellow than a monarch or something like that for my later i am sensible to my aid here what does that mean i asked him over her shoulder he patted me on the head but somehow i didn t like him or his deep voice and i was jealous that his hand should touch my mother s in touching me which it did i put it away as well as i could oh remonstrated my mother dear boy said the gentleman i cannot wonder at his devotion i never saw such a beautiful color on my mother s face before she gently me for being rude and keeping me close to her shawl turned to thank the gentleman for taking so much trouble as to bring her home she put out her hand to him as she spoke and as he met it with his own she glanced i thought at me let us say good night my fine boy said the gentleman when he had bent his head saw him over my mother s little glove said i come let us be the best friends in the world said the gentleman laughing shake hands my right hand was in my mother s left so i gave him the other why that s the wrong hand laughed the gentleman my mother drew my right hand forward but i was resolved for my former reason not to give it him and i did not i gave him the other and he shook it heartily and said i was a brave fellow and went away at this minute i see him turn round in the garden and give us a last look with his ill black eyes before the door was shut who had not said a word or moved a finger secured the instantly and we all went into the parlor my mother contrary to her usual habit instead of coming to the elbow chair by the fire remained at the other end of the room and sat singing to herself hope you have had a pleasant evening ma am said standing as stiff as a barrel in the centre of the room with a in her hand much obliged to you returned my mother in a cheerful voice i have had a very pleasant evening a stranger or so makes an agreeable change suggested a very agreeable change indeed returned my mother continuing to stand motionless in the middle of the room and my mother her singing i fell asleep though i was not so sound asleep but that i could hear voices without hearing what they said when i half awoke from this uncomfortable dose i found and my mother both in tears and both talking not such a one as this mr wouldn t have liked said that i say and that i swear good heavens cried my mother you drive me mad was ever any poor girl so ill used by her servants as i am why do i do the injustice of calling myself a girl have i never been married of david god knows you have ma am returned then how can you dare said my mother you know i don t mean how can you dare but how can you have the heart to make me so uncomfortable and say such bitter things to me when you are well aware that i haven t out of this place a single friend to turn to the more s the reason returned for saying that it won t do no that it won t do no no price could make it do no i thought would have thrown the away she was so emphatic with it how can you be so said my mother shedding more tears than before as to talk in such an unjust manner how can you go on as if it was all settled and arranged when i tell you over and over again you cruel thing that beyond the commonest nothing has passed you talk of admiration what am i to do if people are so silly as to indulge the sentiment is it my fault what am i to do i ask you would you wish me to my head and black my face or myself with a burn or a or something of that sort i dare say you would i dare say you d quite enjoy it seemed to take this very much to heart i thought and my dear boy cried my mother coming to the elbow chair in which i was and caressing me my own little is it to be hinted to me that i am wanting in affection for my precious treasure the dearest little fellow that ever was nobody never went and hinted no such a thing said you did returned my mother you know you did what else was it possible to infer from what you said you unkind creature when you know as well as i do that on his account only last quarter i wouldn t buy myself a new though that old green one is the whole way up and the fringe is perfectly y ou know it is you can t deny it then turning affectionately to me with her cheek against mine am i a naughty to you am i a nasty cruel selfish bad say i am my child say yes dear boy and will love you and s love is a great deal better than mine love you at all do i at this we all fell a crying together i think i was the of the party but i am sure we were all sincere about it i was quite myself and am afraid that in the first of wounded tenderness i	8
called a beast that honest creature was in deep affliction i remember and must have become quite on the occasion for a little of those went off when after having made it up with my mother she down by the and made it up with me we went to bed greatly dejected my sobs kept waking me for a long time and when one very strong sob quite hoisted me up in bed i found my mother sitting on the and leaning over me i fell asleep in her arms after that and slept soundly whether it was the following sunday when i saw the gentleman again or whether there was any greater lapse of time before he reappeared i the personal history and experience cannot i don t profess to be clear dates but there he was in church and he walked home with us afterwards he came in too to look at a famous we had in the parlor window it did not appear to me that he took much notice of it but before he went he asked my mother to give him a bit of the blossom she begged him to choose it for himself but he refused to do that i could not understand why so she plucked it for him and gave it into his hand he said he would never never part with it any more and i thought he must be quite a fool not to know that it would fall to pieces in a day or two began to be less with us of an evening than she had always been my mother deferred to her very much more than usual it occurred to me and we were all three excellent friends still we were different from what we used to be and were not so comfortable among ourselves sometimes i fancied that perhaps objected to my mother s wearing all the pretty dresses she had in her drawers or to her going so often to visit at that neighbour s but i couldn t to my satisfaction make out how it was gradually i became used to seeing the gentleman with the black whiskers i liked him no better than at first and had the same uneasy jealousy of him but if i had any reason for it beyond a child s instinctive dislike and a general idea that and i could make much of my mother without any help it certainly was not the reason that i might have found if i had been older no such thing came into my mind or near it i could observe in little pieces as it were but as to making a net of a number of these pieces and catching anybody in it that was as yet beyond me one autumn morning i was with my mother in the front garden when mr i knew him by that name now came by on horseback he up his horse to salute my mother and said he was going to to see some friends who were there with a and merrily proposed to take me on the saddle before him if i would like the ride the air was so clear and pleasant and the horse seemed to like the idea of the ride so much himself as he stood and at the garden gate that i had a great desire to go so i was sent up stairs to to be made and in the meantime mr dismounted and with his horse s bridle drawn over his arm walked slowly up and down on the outer side of the fence while my mother walked slowly up and down on the inner to keep him company i recollect and t peeping out at them from my little window i recollect how closely they appeared to be examining the between them as they strolled along and how from being in a perfectly temper turned cross in a moment and brushed my hair the wrong way excessively hard mr and i were soon off and trotting along on the green turf by the side of the road he held me quite easily with one arm and i don t think i was restless usually but i could not make up my mind to sit in front of him without turning my head sometimes and looking up in his face he had that kind of shallow black eye i want of david a better word to express an eye that has no depth in it to be looked into which when it is abstracted seems from some peculiarity of light to be for a moment at a time by a cast several times when i glanced at him i observed that appearance with a sort of awe and wondered what he was thinking about so closely his hair and whiskers were and thicker looked at so near than even i had given them credit for being a about the lower part of his face and the dotted indication of the strong black beard he shaved close every day reminded me of the wax work that had travelled into our neighbourhood some half before this his regular eyebrows and the rich white and black and brown of his complexion confound his complexion and his memory made me think him in spite of my a very handsome man i have no doubt that my poor dear mother thought him so too we went to an hotel by the sea where two gentlemen were smoking cigars in a room by themselves each of them was lying on at least four chairs and had a large rough jacket on in a corner was a heap of coats and boat and a flag all up together they both rolled on to their feet in an sort of manner when we came in and said we thought you were dead	8
not yet said mr and who s this said one of the gentlemen taking hold of me that s returned mr who said the gentleman jones said mr what mrs s cried the gentleman the pretty little widow said mr take care if you please somebody s sharp who is asked the gentleman laughing i looked up quickly being curious to know only of said mr i was quite relieved to find it was only of for at first i really thought it was i there seemed to be something very in the reputation of mr of for both the gentlemen laughed heartily when he was mentioned and mr was a good deal amused also after some laughing the gentleman whom he had called said and what is the opinion of of in reference to the projected business why i don t know that understands much about it at present replied mr but he is not generally favourable i believe there was more laughter at this and mr said he would ring the bell for some in which to drink to this he did and when the wine came he made me have a little with a and before i drank it stand up and say confusion to of c the personal history and experience the toast was received with great applause and such hearty laughter that it made me laugh too at which they laughed the more in short we quite enjoyed ourselves we walked about on the cliff after that and sat on the grass and looked at things through a i could make out nothing myself when it was put to my eye but i pretended i could and then we came back to the hotel to an early dinner all the time we were out the two gentlemen smoked incessantly which i thought if i might judge from the smell of their rough coats they must have been doing ever since the first come home from the tailor s i must not forget that we went on board the where they all three descended into the cabin and were busy with some papers i saw them quite hard at work when i looked down through the open they left me during this time with a very nice man with a very large head of red hair and a very small shiny hat upon it who had got a cross barred shirt or waistcoat on with in capital letters across the chest i thought it was his name and that as he lived on board ship and hadn t a street door to put his name on he put it there instead but when i called him mr he said it meant the vessel i observed all day that mr was graver and than the two gentlemen they were very gay and careless they freely with one another but seldom with him it appeared to me that he was more clever and cold than they were and that they regarded him with something of my own feeling i remarked that once or twice when mr was talking he looked at mr sideways as if to make sure of his not being displeased and that once when mr the other gentleman was in spirits he trod upon his foot and gave him a secret caution with his eyes to observe mr who was and silent nor do i recollect that mr laughed at all that day except at the joke and that by the by was his own we went home early in the evening it was a very fine evening and my mother and he had another stroll by the sweet while i was sent in to get my tea when he was gone my mother asked me all about the day i had had and what they had said and done i mentioned what they had said about her and she laughed and told me they were impudent fellows who talked nonsense but i knew it pleased her i knew it quite as well as i know it now i took the opportunity of asking if she was at all acquainted with mr of but she answered no only she supposed he must be a in the knife and fork way can i say of her face altered as i have reason to remember it perished as i know it is that it is gone when here it comes before me at this instant as distinct as any face that i may choose to look on in a crowded street can i say of her innocent and girlish beauty that it faded and was no more when its breath falls on my cheek now as it fell that night can i say she ever changed when my remembrance brings her back to life thus only and truer to its loving youth than i have been or man ever is still holds fast what it cherished then of david i write of her just as she was when i had gone to bed after this talk and she came to bid me good night she down by the side of the bed and laying her chin upon her hands and laughing said what was it they said tell me again i can t believe it i began my mother put her hands upon her lips to stop me it was never she said laughing it never could have been now i know it wasn t yes it was mrs i repeated stoutly and pretty no no it was never pretty not pretty interposed my mother laying her fingers on my lips again yes it was pretty little widow what foolish impudent creatures cried my mother laughing and covering her face what ridiculous men an t they dear well ma don t tell she might be angry with them i am dreadfully angry with them myself but i would rather didn	8
t know i promised of course and we kissed one another over and over again and i soon fell fast asleep it seems to me at this distance of time as if it were the next day when the striking and adventurous proposition i am about to mention but it was probably about two months afterwards we were sitting as before one evening when my mother was out as before in company with the and the yard measure and the bit of wax and the box with saint paul s on the lid and the book when after looking at me several times and opening her mouth as if she were going to speak without doing it which i thought was merely gaping or i should have been rather alarmed said master how should you like to go along with me and spend a fortnight at my brother s at wouldn t that be a treat is your brother an agreeable man i oh what an agreeable man he is cried holding up her hands then there s the sea and the boats and ships and the and the beach and am to play with meant her nephew ham mentioned in my first chapter she spoke of him as a morsel of english grammar i was flushed by her summary of delights and replied that it would indeed be a treat but what would my mother say why then i ll as good as bet a guinea said intent upon my face that she let us go i ask her if you like as soon as ever she comes home there now but what s she to do while we re away said i putting my small elbows on the table to argue the point she can t live by herself if were looking for a hole all of a sudden in the heel of that it must have been a very little one indeed and not worth c the personal history and experience i say she can t live by herself you know oh bless you said looking at me again at last don t you know she s going to stay for a fortnight with mrs mrs s going to have a lot of company oh if that was it i was quite ready to go i waited in the utmost impatience until my mother came home from mrs s for it was that identical neighbour to ascertain if we could get leave to carry out this great idea without being nearly so much surprised as i had expected my mother entered into it readily and it was all arranged that night and my board and lodging during the visit were to be paid for the day soon came for our going it was such an early day that it came soon even to me who was in a fever of expectation and half afraid that an earthquake or a fiery mountain or some other great of nature might to stop the expedition we were to go in a s cart which departed in the morning after breakfast i would have given any money to have been allowed to wrap myself up over night and sleep in my hat and boots it touches me nearly now although i tell it lightly to recollect how eager i was to leave my happy home to think how little i suspected what i did leave for ever i am glad to recollect that when the s cart was at the gate and my mother stood there kissing me a grateful fondness for her and for the old place i had never turned my back upon before made me cry i am glad to know that my mother cried too and that i felt her heart beat against mine i am glad to recollect that when the began to move my mother ran out at the gate and called to him to stop that she might kiss me once more i am glad to dwell upon the earnestness and love with which she lifted up her face to mine and did so as we left her standing in the road mr came up to where she was and seemed to with her for being so moved i was looking back round the of the cart and wondered what business it was of his who was also looking back on the other side seemed anything but satisfied as the face she brought back into the cart i sat looking at for some time in a reverie on this case whether if she were employed to lose me like the boy in the fairy tale i should be able to track my way home again by the buttons she would shed of david iii i have a change the s horse was the horse in the world i should hope and along with his head down as if he liked to keep the people waiting to whom the were directed i fancied indeed that he sometimes chuckled audibly over this reflection but the said he was only troubled with a cough the had a way of keeping his head down like his horse and of drooping forward as he drove with one of his arms on each of his knees i say drove but it struck me that the cart would have gone to quite as well without him for the horse did all that and as to conversation he had no idea of it but whistling had a basket of on her knee which would have lasted us out handsomely if we had been going to london by the same conveyance we ate a good deal and slept a good deal always went to sleep with her chin upon the handle of the basket her hold of which never relaxed and i could not have believed unless i had heard her do it that one woman could have so much	8
we made so many up and down lanes and were such a long time delivering a at a public house and calling at other places that i was quite tired and very glad when we saw it looked rather and i thought as i carried my eye over the great dull waste that lay across the river and i could not help wondering if the world were really as round as my said how any part of it came to be so flat but i reflected that might be situated at one of the poles which would account for it as we drew a little nearer and saw the whole adjacent prospect lying a straight low line under the sky i hinted to that a mound or so might have improved it and also that if the land had been a little more separated from the sea and the town and the tide had not been quite so much mixed up like toast and water it would have been but said with greater emphasis than usual that we must take things as we found them and that for her part she was proud to call herself a when we got into the street which was strange enough to me and smelt the fish and pitch and and tar and saw the sailors walking about and the carts up and down over the stones i felt that i had done so busy a place an injustice and said as much to who heard my expressions of delight with great complacency and told me it was well known i suppose to those who had the good fortune z the personal history and experience to be born that was upon the whole the finest place in the universe here s my am screamed out of knowledge he was waiting for us in fact at the public house and asked me how i found myself like an old acquaintance i did not feel at first that i knew him as well as he knew me because he had never come to our house since the night i was born and naturally he had the advantage of me but our intimacy was much advanced by his taking me on his back to carry me home he was now a huge strong fellow of six feet high broad in proportion and round shouldered but with a boy s face and curly light air that gave him quite a look he was dressed in a jacket and a pair of such very stiff trousers that they would have stood quite as well alone without any legs in them and you couldn t so properly have said he wore a hat as that he was covered in a top like an old building with ham carrying me on his back and a small box of ours under his arm and carrying another small box of ours we turned down lanes with bits of and little of sand and went past gas works rope walks boat yards ship yards ship yards yards and a great litter of such places until we came out upon the dull waste i had already seen at a distance when ham said yon s our house r i looked in all directions as far as i could stare over the wilderness and away at the sea and away at the river but no house could make out there was a black or some other kind of boat not far off high and dry on the ground with an iron sticking out of it for a chimney and smoking very but nothing else in the way of a habitation that was visible to me that s not it said i that ship looking thing that s it r returned ham if it had been s palace s egg and all i suppose i could not have been more charmed with the romantic idea of living in it there was a delightful door cut in the side and it was in and there were little windows in it but the wonderful charm of it was that it was a real boat which had no doubt been upon the water hundreds of times and which had never been intended to be lived in on dry land that was the of it to me if it had ever been meant to be lived in i might have thought it small or inconvenient or lonely but never having been designed for any such use it became a perfect abode it was beautifully clean inside and as tidy as possible there was a table and a dutch clock and a chest of drawers and on the chest of drawers there was a tea tray with a painting on it of a lady with a taking a walk with a military looking child who was a the tray was kept from tumbling down by a bible and the tray if it had tumbled down would have smashed a quantity of cups and and a that were around the book on the walls of david there were some common colored pictures framed and glazed of scripture subjects such as i have never seen since in the hands of without seeing the whole interior of s brother s house again at one view in red going to sacrifice in blue and daniel in yellow cast into a den of green lions were the most prominent of these over the little mantel shelf was a picture of the jane built at with a real little wooden stern stuck on to it a work of art composition with which i considered to be one of the most possessions that the world could afford there were some hooks in the beams of the ceiling the use of which i did not divine then and some and boxes and of that sort which served for seats and out the chairs all this i saw in the	8
point i mean my own peculiar made such impressive motions to me not to ask any more questions that i could only sit and look at all the silent company until it was time to go to bed then in the privacy of my own little cabin she informed me that ham and em ly were an orphan nephew and niece whom my host had at different times adopted in their childhood when they were left destitute and that mrs was the widow of his partner in a boat who had died very poor he was but a poor man himself said but as good as gold and as true as steel those were her the only subject she informed me on which he ever showed a violent temper or swore an oath was this generosity of his and if it were ever referred to by any one of them he struck the table a heavy blow with his right hand had split it on one such occasion and swore a dreadful oath that he would be if he didn t cut and run for good if it was ever mentioned again it appeared in answer to my inquiries that nobody had the least idea of the of this terrible passive to be but that they all regarded it as a most solemn i was very sensible of my s goodness and listened to the women s going to bed in another little like mine at the opposite end of the boat and to him and ham hanging up two for themselves on the hooks i had noticed in the roof in a very luxurious state of mind by my being sleepy as slumber gradually stole upon me i heard the wind howling out at sea and coming on across the flat so fiercely that i had a lazy apprehension of the great deep rising in the night but i myself that i was in a boat after all and that a man like mr was not a bad person to have on board if anything did happen nothing happened however worse than morning almost as soon as it shone upon the shell frame of my mirror i was out of bed and out with little em ly picking up stones upon the beach you re quite a sailor i suppose i said to em ly i don t know that i supposed any thing of the kind but i felt it an act of gallantry to say something and a shining sail close to us made such a pretty little image of itself at the moment in her bright eye that it came into my head to say this no replied em ly shaking her head i m afraid of the sea the personal history and experience afraid i said with a becoming air of boldness and looking very big at the mighty ocean i a nt ah but it s cruel said em ly i have seen it very cruel to some of our men i have seen it tear a boat as big as our house all to pieces i hope it was nt the boat that that father was in said em ly no not that one i never see that boat nor him i asked her little em ly shook her head not to remember here was a coincidence i immediately went into an explanation how i had never seen my own father and how my mother and i had always lived by ourselves in the happiest state imaginable and lived so then and always meant to live so and how my father s grave was in the churchyard near our house and shaded by a tree beneath the boughs of which i had walked and heard the birds sing many a pleasant morning but there were some differences between em ly s and mine it appeared she had lost her mother before her father and where her father s grave was no one knew except that it was somewhere in the depths of the sea besides said em ly as she looked about for shells and pebbles your father was a gentleman and your mother is a lady and my father was a and my mother was a s daughter and my uncle dan is a dan is mr is he said i uncle dan yonder answered em ly nodding at the boat house yes i mean him he must be very good i should think good said em ly if i was ever to be a lady i d give him a sky blue coat with diamond buttons trousers a red velvet waistcoat a cocked hat a large gold watch a silver pipe and a box of money i said i had no doubt that mr well deserved these treasures i must acknowledge that i felt it difficult to picture him quite at his ease in the proposed for him by his grateful little niece and that i was particularly doubtful of the policy of the cocked hat but i kept these sentiments to myself little em ly had stopped and looked up at the sky in her of these articles as if they were a glorious vision we went on again picking up shells and pebbles you would like to be a lady i said looked at me and laughed and nodded yes i should like it very much we would all be together then me and uncle and ham and mrs we wouldn t mind then when there come stormy weather not for our own i mean we would for the poor s to be sure and we d help em with money when they come to any hurt this seemed to me to be a very satisfactory and therefore not at all improbable picture i expressed my pleasure in the contemplation of it and little em ly was to say don t you think you	8
are afraid of the sea now op david it was quiet enough to me but i have no doubt if i had seen a large wave come tumbling in i should have taken to my heels with an awful recollection of her drowned relations however i said no and i added you don t seem to be either though you say you are for she was walking much too near the brink of a sort of old or wooden we had strolled upon and i was afraid of her falling over i m not afraid in this way said little em ly but i wake when it blows and tremble to think of uncle dan and ham and believe i hear em crying out for help that s why i should like so much to be a lady but i m not afraid in this way not a bit look here she started from my side and ran along a jagged timber which from the place we stood upon and the deep water at some height without the least defence the incident is so impressed on my remembrance that if i were a i could draw its form here i accurately as it was that day and little em ly springing forward to her destruction as it appeared to me with a look that i have never forgotten directed far out to sea the light bold fluttering little figure turned and came back safe to me and i soon laughed at my fears and at the cry i had uttered in any case for there was no one near but there have been times since in my manhood many times there have been when i have thought is it possible among the possibilities of hidden things that in the sudden of the child and her wild look so far off there was any merciful attraction of her into danger any tempting her towards him permitted on the part of her dead father that her life might have a chance of ending that day there has been a time since when i have wondered whether if the life before her could have been revealed to me at a glance and so revealed as that a child could fully comprehend it and if her preservation could have depended on a motion of my hand i ought to have held it up to save her there has been a time since i do not say it lasted long but it has been when i have asked myself the question would it have been better for little em ly to have had the waters close above her head that morning in my sight and when i have answered yes it would have been this may be premature i have set it down too soon perhaps but let it stand we strolled a long way and loaded ourselves with things that we thought curious and put some star fish carefully back into the water i hardly know enough of the race at this moment to be quite certain whether they had reason to feel obliged to us for doing so or the reverse and then made our way home to mr s dwelling we stopped under the lee of the to exchange an innocent kiss and went in to breakfast glowing with health and pleasure like two young mr said i knew this meant in our local dialect like two young and received it as a compliment the personal history and experience of course i was in love with little em iy i am sure i loved that baby quite as truly quite as tenderly with greater purity and more than can enter into the best love of a later time of life high and as it is i am sure my fancy raised up something round that blue eyed of a child which and made a very angel of her if any sunny she had spread a little pair of wings and flown away before my eyes i don t think i should have regarded it as much more than i had had reason to expect we used to walk about that dim old flat at in a manner hours and hours the days by us as if time had not grown up himself yet but were a child too and always at play i told em ly i adored her and that unless she confessed she adored me i should be reduced to the necessity of killing myself with a sword she said she did and i have no doubt she did as to any sense of or or other difficulty in our way little em ly and i had no such trouble because we had no future we made no more provision for growing older than we did for growing younger we were the admiration of mrs and who used to whisper of an evening when we sat lovingly on our little side by side lor wasn t it beautiful mr smiled at us from behind his pipe and ham grinned all the evening and did they had something of the sort of pleasure in us i suppose that they might have had in a pretty toy or a pocket model of the i soon found out that mrs did not always make herself so agreeable as she might have been expected to do under the circumstances of her residence with mr mrs s was rather a disposition and she more sometimes than was comfortable for other parties in so small an establishment i was very sorry for her but there were moments when it would have been more agreeable i thought if mrs had had a convenient apartment of her own to retire to and had stopped there until her spirits revived mi went occasionally to a public house called the willing mind i discovered this by his being out on the second or third evening	8
of our visit and by mrs s looking up at the dutch clock between eight and nine and saying he was there and that what was more she had known in the morning he would go there mrs had been in a low state all day and had burst into tears in the when the fire smoked lone were mrs s words when that unpleasant occurrence took place and every think goes with me oh it soon leave off said i again mean our and besides you know it s not more disagreeable to you than to us i feel it more said mrs it was a very cold day with cutting of wind mrs s peculiar corner of the fireside seemed to me to be the warmest and in the place as her chair was certainly the easiest but it didn t suit her that day at all she was constantly complaining of the cold and op david of its a in her back which she called the at last she shed tears on that subject and said again that she was a lone and every think went with her it is certainly very cold said everybody must feel it so i feel it more than other people said mrs so at dinner when mrs was always helped immediately after me to whom the preference was given as a visitor of distinction the fish were small and bony and the potatoes were a little burnt we all acknowledged that we felt this something of a disappointment but mrs said she felt it more than we did and shed tears again and made that former declaration with great bitterness accordingly when mr came home about nine o clock this unfortunate mrs was knitting in her corner in a very wretched and miserable condition had working cheerfully ham had been up a great pair of water boots and i with little em ly by my side had been reading to them mrs had never made any other remark than a forlorn sigh and had never raised her eyes since tea well mates said mr taking his seat and how are you we all said something or looked something to welcome him except mrs who only shook her head over her knitting what s amiss said mr with a clap of his hands cheer up old mr meant old girl mrs did not appear to be able to cheer up she took out an old black silk handkerchief and wiped her eyes but instead of in her pocket kept it out and wiped them again and still kept it out ready for use what s amiss dame said mr nothing returned mrs you ve come from the willing mind dan l why yes i ve took a short spell at the willing mind to night said mr i m sorry i should drive you there said mrs drive i don t want no driving returned mr with an honest laugh i only go too ready very ready said mrs shaking her head and wiping her eyes yes yes very ready i am sorry it should be along of me that you re so ready along o you it an t along o you said mr don t ye believe a bit on it yes yes it is cried mrs i know what i am i know that i m a lone and not only that goes with me but that i go with everybody yes yes i feel more than other people do and i show it more it s my i really couldn t help thinking as i sat taking in all this that the misfortune extended to some other members of that family besides mrs but mr made no such retort only answering it ii another entreaty to mrs to cheer up the personal history and experience i an t wliat i could wish myself to be said mrs i am far from it i know what i am my troubles has made me i feel my troubles and they make me i wish i did nt feel em but i do i wish i could be hardened to em but i an t i make the house uncomfortable i don t wonder at it i ve made your sister so all day and master here i was suddenly melted and roared out no you have nt mrs in great mental distress it s far from right that i should do it said mrs it an t a fit return i had better go into the house and die i am a lone and had much better not make myself here if thinks must go with me and i must go myself let me go in my parish dan l i d better go into the house and die and be a mrs retired with these words and herself to bed when she was gone mr who had not exhibited a trace of any feeling but the sympathy looked round upon us and nodding his head with a lively expression of that sentiment still his face said in a whisper she s been thinking of the old un i did not quite understand what old one mrs was supposed to have fixed her mind upon until on seeing me to bed explained that it was the late mr and that her brother always took that for a received truth on such occasions and that it always had a moving effect upon him some time after he was in his that night i heard him myself repeat to ham poor thing she s been thinking of the old un and whenever mrs was overcome in a similar manner during the remainder of our stay which happened some few times he always said the same thing in of the circumstance and always with the tenderest so the fortnight slipped away varied by nothing but the of the tide which	8
altered mi s times of going out and coming in and altered ham s engagements also when the latter was he sometimes walked with us to show us the boats and ships and once or twice he took us for a row i don t know why one slight set of impressions should be more particularly associated with a place than another though i believe this with most people in reference especially to the associations of their childhood i never hear the name or read the name of but i am reminded of a certain sunday morning on the beach the bells ringing for church little em ly leaning on my shoulder ham lazily dropping stones into the water and the sun away at sea just breaking through the heavy mist and showing us the ships like their own shadows at last the day came for going home i bore up against the separation from mr and mrs but my agony of mind at leaving little em ly was piercing we went arm in arm to the public house where the put up and i promised on the road to write to her i that promise afterwards in characters larger than those in of which apartments are usually announced in manuscript as being to let we were greatly overcome at parting and if ever in my life i have had a void made in my heart i had one made that day now all the time i had been on my visit i had been ungrateful to my home again and had thought little or nothing about it but i was no sooner turned towards it than my young conscience seemed to point that way with a steady finger and i felt all the more for the sinking of my spirits that it was my nest and that my mother was my and friend this gained upon me as we went along so that the nearer we drew and the more familiar the objects became that we passed the more excited i was to get there and to run into her arms but instead of sharing in these tried to check them though very kindly and looked confused and out of sorts would come however in spite of her when the s horse pleased and did how well i recollect it on a cold grey afternoon with a dull sky threatening rain the door opened and i looked half laughing and half crying in my pleasant agitation for my mother it was not she but a strange servant why i said isn t she come home yes yes master said she s come home wait a bit master and i i tell you something between her agitation and her natural awkwardness in getting out of the cart was making a most extraordinary of herself but i felt too blank and strange to tell her so when she had got down she took me by the hand led me wondering into the kitchen and shut the door said i quite frightened what s the matter nothing s the matter bless you master dear she answered assuming an air of something s the matter i m sure where s where s master repeated yes why hasn t she come out to the gate and what have we come in here for oh my eyes were full and i felt as if i were going to tumble down bless the precious boy cried taking hold of me what is it speak my pet not dead too oh she s not dead cried out no with an astonishing volume of voice and then sat down and began to and said i had given her a turn i gave her a to take away the turn or to give her another turn in the right direction and then stood before her looking at her in anxious inquiry you see dear i should have told you before now said but i hadn t an opportunity i ought to have made it perhaps but i couldn t that was always the substitute for exactly in s of words bring my mind to it go on said i more frightened than before the personal history and experience master said her bonnet with a shaking hand and speaking in a breathless sort of way what do you think you have got i trembled and turned white something i don t know what or how connected with the grave in the churchyard and the raising of the dead seemed to strike me like an wind a new one said anew one i repeated gave a gasp as if she were something that was very hard and putting out her hand said come and see him i don t want to see him and your mamma said i ceased to draw back and we went straight to the best parlor where she left me on one side of the fire sat my mother on the other mr my mother dropped her work and arose hurriedly but timidly i thought now my dear said mr recollect yourself always yourself boy how do you do i gave him my hand after a moment of suspense i went and kissed my mother she kissed me patted me gently on the shoulder and sat down again to her work i could not look at her i could not look at him i knew quite well that he was looking at us both and i turned to the window and looked out there at some shrubs that were drooping their heads in the cold as soon as i could creep away i crept up stairs my old dear bedroom was changed and i was to lie a long way off i down stairs to find anything that was like itself so altered it all seemed and into the yard i very soon started back from there for the empty	8
was filled up with a great dog deep mouthed and black haired like him and he was very angry at the sight of me and sprung out to get at me of david s chapter iv i fall into disgrace if the room to which my bed was removed were a thing that could give evidence i might appeal to it at this day who sleeps there now i wonder to bear witness for me what a heavy heart i carried to it i went up there hearing the dog in the yard bark after me all the way while i climbed the stairs and looking as blank and strange upon the room as the room looked upon me sat down with my small hands crossed and thought i thought of the things of the shape of the room of the cracks in the ceiling of the paper on the wall of the in the window glass making and on the prospect of the washing stand being on its three legs and having a discontented something about it which reminded me of mrs under the influence of the old one i was crying all the time but except that i was conscious of being cold and dejected i am sure i never thought why i cried at last in my desolation i began to consider that i was dreadfully in love with little ly and had been torn away from her to come here where no one seemed to want me or to care about me half as much as she did this made such a very miserable piece of business of it that i rolled myself up in a corner of the and cried myself to sleep i was awoke by somebody saying here he is and my hot head my mother and had come to look for me and it was one of them who had done it said my mother what s the matter i thought it very strange that she should ask me and answered nothing i turned over on my face i recollect to hide my trembling lip which answered her with greater truth said my mother my child i dare say no words she could have uttered would have affected me so much then as her calling me her child i hid my tears in the and pressed her from me with my hand when she would have raised me up this is your doing you cruel thing said my mother i have no doubt at all about it how can you reconcile it to your conscience i wonder to prejudice my own boy against me or against anybody who is dear to me what do you mean by it poor lifted up her hands and eyes and only answered in a sort of of the grace i usually repeated after dinner lord forgive you mrs and for what you have said this minute may you never be truly sorry it s enough to me cried my mother in my too when my most enemy might one would think and not envy me a little peace of mind and happiness you naughty boy you savage creature oh dear me cried my mother d the personal history and experience turning from one of us to the other in her wilful manner what a troublesome world this is when one has the most right to expect it to be as agreeable as possible i felt the touch of a hand that i knew was neither her s nor s and slipped to my feet at the bed side it was mr s hand and he kept it on my arm as he said what s this my love have you forgotten firmness my dear i am very sorry edward said my mother i meant to be very good but i am so uncomfortable indeed he answered that s a bad hearing so soon i say it s very hard i should be made so now returned my mother and it is very hard isn t it he drew her to him whispered in her ear and kissed her i knew as well when i saw my mother s head lean down upon his shoulder and her arm touch his neck i knew as well that he could mould her nature into any form he chose as i know now that he did it go you below my love said mr david and i will come down together my friend turning a darkening face on when he had watched my mother out and dismissed her with a nod and a smile do you know your mistress s name she has been my mistress a long time sir answered i ought to it that s true he answered but i thought i heard you as i came up stairs address her by a name that is not hers she has taken mine you know will you remember that with some uneasy glances at me herself out of the room without replying seeing i suppose that she was expected to go and had no excuse for remaining when we two were left alone he shut the door and sitting on a chair and holding me standing before him looked steadily into my eyes i felt my own attracted no less steadily to his as i recall our being opposed thus face to face i seem again to hear my heart beat fast and high david he said making his lips thin by pressing them together if i have an obstinate horse or dog to deal with what do you think i do i don t know i beat him i had answered in a kind of breathless whisper but i felt in my silence that my breath was shorter now i make him and smart i say to myself i conquer that fellow and if it were to cost him all	8
the blood he had i should do it what is that upon your face dirt i said he knew it was the mark of tears as well as i but if he had asked the question twenty times each time with twenty blows i believe my baby heart would have burst before i would have told him so you have a good deal of intelligence for a little fellow he said with a grave smile that belonged to him and you understood me very well i see wash that face sir and come down with mo of david he pointed to the washing stand which i had made out to be like mrs and me with his head to obey him directly i had little doubt then and i have less doubt now that he would have knocked me down without the least if i had hesitated my dear he said when i had done his bidding and he walked me into the parlor with his hand still on my arm you will not be made uncomfortable any more i hope we shall soon improve our youthful god help me i might have been improved for my whole life i might have been made another creature perhaps for life by a kind word at that season a word of encouragement and explanation of pity for my childish ignorance of welcome home of to me that it was home might have made me dutiful to him in my heart henceforth instead of in my outside and might have made me respect instead of hate him i thought my mother was sorry to see me standing in the room so scared and strange and that presently when i stole to a chair she followed me with her eyes more sorrowfully still missing perhaps some freedom in my childish tread but the word was not spoken and the time for it was gone we dined alone we three together he seemed to be very fond of my mother i am afraid i liked him none the better for that and she was very fond of him i gathered from what they said that an elder sister of his was coming to stay with them and that she was expected that evening i am not certain whether i found out then or afterwards that without being concerned in any business he had some share in or some annual charge upon the profits of a wine merchant s house in london with which his family had been connected from his great time and in which his sister had a similar interest but i may mention it in this place whether or no after dinner when we were sitting by the fire and i was meditating an escape to without having the to slip away lest it should offend the master of the house a coach drove up to the garden gate and he went out to receive the visitor my mother followed him i was timidly following her when she turned round at the in the dusk and taking me in her embrace as she had been used to do whispered me to love my new father and be obedient to him she did this hurriedly and secretly as if it were wrong but tenderly and putting out her hand behind her held mine in it until we came near to where he was standing in the garden where she let mine go and drew her s through his arm it was miss who was arrived and a gloomy looking lady she was dark like her brother whom she greatly resembled in face and voice and with very heavy eyebrows nearly meeting over her large nose as if being by the wrongs of her sex from wearing whiskers she had carried them to that account she brought with her two hard black boxes with her on the in hard brass nails when she paid the coachman she took her money out of a hard steel purse and she kept the purse in a very jail of a bag which hung upon her arm by a heavy chain and shut up like a bite i had never at that time seen such a lady altogether as miss was d the personal history and experience she was brought into the parlor with many tokens of welcome and there formally recognised my mother as a new and near relation then she looked at me and said is that your boy sister in law my mother acknowledged me generally speaking said miss i don t like boys how d ye do boy under these encouraging circumstances i replied that i was very well and that i hoped she was the same with such an indifferent grace that miss disposed of me in two words wants manner i having uttered which with great distinctness she begged the favor of being to her room which became to me from that time forth a place of awe and dread wherein the two black boxes were never seen open or known to be left unlocked and where for i peeped in once or twice when she was out numerous little steel and with which miss herself when she was dressed generally hung upon the looking glass in formidable array as well as i could make out she had come for good and had no intention of ever going again she began to help my mother next morning and was in and out of the store closet all day putting things to rights and making in the old arrangements the first remarkable thing i observed in miss was her being constantly haunted by a suspicion that the servants had a man somewhere on the premises under the influence of this delusion she into the coal cellar at the most hours and scarcely ever opened the door of a dark cupboard without clapping it to again in the belief that she	8
had got him though there was nothing very airy about miss she was a perfect lark in point of getting up she was up and as i believe to this horn looking for that man before anybody in the house was stirring gave it as her opinion that she even slept with one eye open but i could not in this idea for i tried it myself after hearing the suggestion thrown out and found it couldn t be done on the very first morning after her arrival she was up and ringing her bell at cock crow when my mother came down to breakfast and was going to make the tea miss gave her a kind of on the cheek was her nearest approach to a kiss and said now my dear i am come here you know to relieve you of all the trouble i can you re much too pretty and thoughtless my mother blushed but laughed and seemed not to dislike this character to have any duties imposed upon you that can be undertaken by me if you ll be so good as give me your keys my dear i ll attend to all this sort of thing in future from that time miss kept the keys in her own little jail all day and under her pillow all night and my mother had no more to do with them than i had my mother did not suffer her authority to pass from her without a shadow of protest one night when miss had been developing certain household plans to her brother of which he signified his of david tion my mother suddenly began to cry and said she thought she might have been consulted said mr sternly i wonder at you oh it s very well to say you wonder edward cried my mother and it s very well for you to talk about firmness but you wouldn t like it yourself firmness i may observe was the grand quality on which both mr and miss took their stand however i might have expressed my comprehension of it at that time if i had been called upon i nevertheless did clearly comprehend in my own way that it was another name for tyranny and for a certain gloomy devil s humour that was in them both the creed as i should state it now was this mr was firm nobody in his world was to be so firm as mr nobody else in his world was to be firm at all for everybody was to be bent to his firmness miss was an exception she might be firm but only by relationship and in an inferior and degree my mother was another exception she might be firm and must be but only in bearing their firmness and firmly believing there was no other firmness upon earth it s very hard said my mother that in my own house my own house repeated mr our own house i mean faltered my mother evidently frightened i hope you must know what i mean edward it s very hard that in your own house i may not have a word to say about domestic matters i am sure i managed very well before we were married there s evidence said my mother sobbing ask if i didn t do very well when i wasn t interfered with edward said miss let there be an end of this i go to morrow jane said her brother be silent how dare you to that you don t know my character better than your words imply i am sure my poor mother went on at a grievous disadvantage and with many tears i don t want anybody to go i should be very miserable and unhappy if anybody was to go t don t ask much i am not unreasonable i only want to be consulted sometimes i am very much obliged to anybody who me and i only want to be consulted as a mere form sometimes i thought you were pleased once with my being a little inexperienced and girlish edward i am sure you said so but you seem to hate me for it now you are so severe edward said miss again let there be an end of this i go to morrow jane thundered mr will you be silent how dare you miss made a jail delivery of her pocket handkerchief and held it before her eyes he continued looking at my mother you surprise me you me yes i had a satisfaction in the thought of marrying an inexperienced and person and forming her character and into it some amount of that firmness and decision of which it stood in need but when jane is kind enough to come to my assistance the personal history and experience in this endeavour and to assume for my sake a condition a housekeeper s and when she meets with a base return oh pray pray edward cried my mother don t accuse me of being ungrateful i am sure i am not ungrateful no one ever said i was before i have many faults but not that oh don t my dear when jane meets i say he went on after waiting until my mother was silent with a base return that feeling of mine is chilled and altered don t my love say that implored my mother very oh don t edward i can t bear to hear it whatever i am i am affectionate i know i am affectionate i wouldn t say it if i wasn t certain that i am ask i am sure she tell you i m affectionate there is no extent of mere weakness said mr in reply that can have the least weight with me you lose breath pray let us be friends said my mother i couldn t live under coldness	8
or i am so sorry i have a great many defects i know and it s very good of you edward with your strength of mind to endeavour to correct them for me jane i don t object to anything i should be quite broken hearted if you thought of leaving my mother was too much overcome to go on jane said mr to his sister any harsh words between us are i hope uncommon it is not my fault that so unusual an occurrence has taken place to night i was betrayed into it by another nor is it your fault you were betrayed into it by another let us both try to forget it and as this he added after these words is not a fit scene for the boy david go to bed i could hardly find the door through the tears that stood in my eyes i was so sorry for my mother s distress but i my way out and my way up to my room in the dark without even having the heart to say good night to or to get a candle from her when her coming up to look for me an hour or so afterwards awoke me she said that my mother had gone to bed poorly and that mr and miss were sitting alone going down next morning rather earlier than usual i paused outside the parlor door on hearing my mother s voice she was very earnestly and humbly miss s pardon which that lady granted and a perfect reconciliation took place i never knew my mother afterwards to give an opinion on any matter without first to miss or without having first ascertained by some sure means what miss s opinion was and i never saw miss when out of temper she was that way move her hand towards her bag as if she were going to take out the keys and offer to resign them to my mother without seeing that my mother was in a terrible fright the gloomy taint that was in the blood darkened the religion which was austere and i have thought since that its assuming that character was a necessary consequence of mr s firmness which wouldn t allow him to let any body off from the utmost weight of the he could find any excuse for be this as it may i well remember the tremendous with of david which we used to go to church and the changed air of the place again the dreaded sunday comes round and i file into the old first like a guarded captive brought to a condemned service again miss in a black velvet gown that looks as if it had been made out of a pall follows close upon me then my mother then her husband there is no now as in the old time again i listen to miss the and all the dread words with a cruel relish again i see her dark eyes roll round the church when she says miserable as if she were calling all the congregation names again i catch rare glimpses of my mother moving her lips timidly between the two with one of them muttering at each ear like low thunder again i wonder with a sudden fear whether it is likely that our good old clergyman can be wrong and mr and miss right and that all the angels in heaven can be destroying angels again if i move a finger or a muscle of my face miss me with her prayer book and makes my side ache yes and again as we walk home i note some neighbours looking at my mother and at me and whispering again as the three go on arm in arm and i linger behind alone i follow some of those looks and wonder if my mother s step be really not so light as i have seen it and if the gaiety of her beauty be really almost worried away again i wonder whether any of the neighbours call to mind as i do how we used to walk home together she and i and i wonder about that all the dreary dismal day there had been some talk on occasions of my going to mr and miss had originated it and my mother had of course agreed with them nothing however was concluded on the subject yet in the meantime i learnt lessons at home shall i ever forget those lessons they were presided over by my mother but really by mr and his sister who were always present and found them a favourable occasion for giving my mother lessons in that firmness which was the of both our lives i believe i was kept at home for that purpose i had been apt enough to learn and willing enough when my mother and i had lived alone together i can faintly remember learning the at her knee to this day when i look upon the fat black letters in the the novelty of their shapes and the easy good nature of and q and s seem to present themselves again before me as they used to do but they recall no feeling of disgust or reluctance on the contrary i seem to have walked along a path of flowers as far as the book and to have been cheered by the gentleness of my mother s voice and manner all the way but these solemn lessons which succeeded those i remember as the at my peace and a grievous daily and misery they were very long very numerous very hard perfectly unintelligible some of them to me and i was generally as much bewildered by them as i believe my poor mother was herself let me remember how it used to be and bring one morning back again i come into the second best parlor after breakfast with my books and	8
an exercise book and a slate my mother is ready for me at her the personal history and experience writing desk but not half so ready as mr in his easy chair by the window though he to be reading a book or as miss sitting near my mother steel beads the very sight of these two has such an influence over me that i begin to feel the words i have been at infinite pains to get into my head all sliding away and going i don t know where i wonder where they do go by the by i hand the first book to my mother perhaps it is a grammar perhaps a history or geography i take a last drowning look at the page as i give it into her hand and start off aloud at a racing pace while i have got it fresh i trip over a word mr looks up i trip over another word miss looks up i tumble over half words and stop i think my mother would show me the book if she dared but she does not dare and she says softly oh now says mr be firm with the boy don t say oh that s childish he knows his lesson or he does not know it he does not know it miss awfully i am really afraid he does not says my mother then you see returns miss you should just give him the book back and make him know it yes certainly says my mother that is what i intend to do my dear jane now try once more and don t be stupid i obey the first of the by trying once more but am not so successful with the second for i am very stupid i tumble down before i get to the old place at a point where i was all right before and stop to think but i can t think about the lesson i think of the number of yards of net in miss s cap or of the price of mr s dressing gown or any such ridiculous problem that i have no business with and don t want to have anything at all to do with mr makes a movement of impatience which i have been expecting for a long time miss does the same my mother glances at them the book and lays it by as an to be worked out when my other tasks are done there is a pile of these very soon and it like a rolling the bigger it gets the more stupid i get the case is so hopeless and i feel that i am in such a of nonsense that i give up all idea of getting out and abandon myself to my fate the despairing way in which my mother and i look at each other as i blunder on is truly melancholy but the greatest effect in these miserable lessons is when my mother thinking nobody is observing her tries to give me the cue by the motion of her lips at that instant miss who has been lying in wait for nothing else all along says in a deep warning voice my mother starts colors and smiles faintly mr comes out of his chair takes the book throws it at me or boxes my ears with it and turns me out of the room by the shoulders even when the lessons are done the worst is yet to happen in the shape of an appalling sum this is invented for me and delivered to me by mr and begins if i go into a s of david shop and buy five thousand double at each present payment at which i see miss secretly i pore over these without any result or until dinner time when having made a of myself by getting the dirt of the slate into the of my skin i have a of bread to help me out with the and am considered in disgrace for the rest of the evening it seems to me at this distance of time as if my unfortunate studies generally took this course i could have done very well if i had been without the but the influence of the upon me was like the fascination of two on a wretched young bird even when i did get through the morning with tolerable credit there was not much gained but dinner for miss never could endure to see me and if i made any show of being called her brother s attention to me by saying my dear there s nothing like work give your boy an exercise which caused me to be clapped down to some new labor there and then as to any with other children of my age i had very little of that for the gloomy of the made all children out to be a swarm of little though there a child once set in the midst of the and held that they one another the natural result of this treatment continued i suppose for some six months or more was to make me sullen dull and dogged i was not made the less so by my sense of being daily more and more shut out and from my mother i believe i should have been almost but for one circumstance it was this my father had left a small collection of books in a little room up stairs to which i had access for it my own and which nobody else in our house ever troubled from that blessed little room random tom jones the of don bias and robinson came out a glorious host to keep me company they kept alive my fancy and my hope of something beyond that place and time they and the nights and the tales of the and did me no harm for whatever harm was	8
in some of them was not there for me i knew nothing of it it is astonishing to me now how i found time in the midst of my and over heavier to read those books as i did it is curious to mc how i could ever have consoled myself under my small troubles which were great troubles to me by my favorite characters in them as i did and by putting mr and miss into all the bad ones which i did too i have been tom jones a child s tom jones a harmless creature for a week together i have sustained my own idea of random for a month at a stretch i verily believe i had a greedy relish for a few volumes of voyages and travels i forget what now that were on those shelves and for days and days i can remember to have gone about my region of our house armed with the centre piece out of an old set of boot trees the perfect of captain somebody of the royal british navy in danger of being beset by savages and resolved to sell his life at a great price the captain never dignity from having his ears with the latin grammar i did but the the personal history and experience captain was a captain and a hero in despite of all the of all the languages in the world dead or alive this was my only and my constant comfort when i think of it the picture always rises in my mind of a summer evening the boys at play in the churchyard and i sitting on my bed reading as if for life every barn in the neighbourhood every stone in the church and every foot of the churchyard had some association of its own in my mind connected with these books and stood for some locality made famous in them i have seen tom pipes go climbing up the church i have watched with the on his back stopping to rest himself upon the and i that held that club with mr in the parlor of our little village the reader now understands as well as i do what i was when i came to that point of my youthful history to which i am now coming again one morning when i went into the parlor with my books i found my mother looking anxious miss looking firm and mr binding something round the bottom of a cane a and cane which he left off binding when i came in and poised and in the air i tell you said mr i have been often myself to be sure of course said miss certainly my dear jane faltered my mother meekly but but do you think it did edward good do you think it did edward harm asked mr gravely that s the point said his sister to this my mother returned certainly my dear jane and said no more i felt apprehensive that i was personally interested in this dialogue and sought mr s eye as it lighted on mine now david he said and i saw that cast again as he said it you must be far more careful to day than usual he gave the cane another and another and having finished his preparation of it laid it down beside him with an expressive look and took up his book this was a good to my presence of mind as a beginning i felt the words of my lessons slipping off not one by one or line by line but by the entire page i tried to lay hold of them but they seemed if i may so express it to have put on and to away from me with a there was no checking we began badly and went on worse i had come in with an idea of myself rather that i was very well prepared but it turned out to be quite a mistake book after book was added to the heap of failures miss being firmly watchful of us all the time and when we came at last to the five thousand he made it that day i remember my mother burst out crying said miss in her warning voice i am not quite well my dear jane i think said my mother i saw him wink solemnly at his sister as he rose and said taking up the cane why jane we can hardly expect to bear with perfect firmness op david the worry and torment that david has occasioned her to day that would be is greatly strengthened and improved but we can hardly expect so much from her david you and i will go up stairs boy as he took me out at the door my mother ran towards us miss said are you a perfect fool and interfered i saw my mother stop her ears then and i heard her crying he walked me up to my room slowly and gravely i am certain he had a delight in that formal parade of justice and when we got there suddenly twisted my head under his arm mr sir i cried to him don t pray don t beat me i have tried to learn sir but i can t learn while you and miss are by i can t indeed can t you indeed david he said we try that he had my head as in a vice but i round him somehow and stopped him for a moment him not to beat me it was only for a moment that i stopped him for he cut me heavily an instant afterwards and in the same instant i caught the hand with which lie held me in my mouth between my teeth and bit it through it sets my teeth on edge to think of it	8
he beat me then as if he would have beaten me to death above all the noise we made i heard them running up the stairs and crying out i heard my mother crying out and then he was gone and the door was locked outside and i was lying and hot and torn and sore and raging in my way upon the floor how well i recollect when i became quiet what an unnatural stillness seemed to reign through the whole house how well i remember when my smart and passion began to cool how wicked i began to feel i sat listening for a long while but there was not a sound i crawled up from the floor and saw my face in the glass so swollen red and ugly that it almost frightened me my were sore and stiff and made me cry afresh when i moved but they were nothing to the guilt i felt it lay heavier on my breast than if i had been a most criminal i dare say it had begun to grow dark and i had shut the window i had been lying for the most part with my head upon the sill by turns crying and looking out when the key was turned and miss came in with some bread and meat and milk these she put down upon the table without a word glaring at me the while with firmness and then retired the door after her long after it was dark i sat there wondering whether anybody else would come when this appeared improbable for that night i and went to bed and there i began to wonder fearfully what would be done to me whether it was a criminal act that i had committed whether i should be taken into and sent to prison whether i was at all in danger of being hanged i never shall forget the waking next morning the being cheerful and fresh for the first moment and then the being weighed down by the stale and dismal oppression of remembrance miss reappeared before i was out of bed told me in so many words that was free to the personal history and experience walk in the garden for half an hour and no longer and retired leaving the door open that i might avail myself of that permission i did so and did so every morning of my imprisonment which lasted five days if i could have seen my mother alone i should have gone down on my knees to her and her forgiveness hut i saw no one miss during the whole time except at in the parlor to which i was escorted by miss after everybody else was placed where i was stationed a young all alone by myself near the door and whence i was solemnly conducted b r my before anyone arose from the posture i only observed that my mother was as far off from me as she could be and kept her face another way so that i never saw it and that mr s hand was bound up in a large linen the length of those five days i can convey no idea of to any one they occupy the place of years in my remembrance the way in which i listened to all the incidents of the house that made themselves audible to me the ringing of bells the opening and shutting of doors the murmuring of voices the footsteps on the stairs to any laughing whistling or singing outside which seemed more dismal than anything else to me in my solitude and disgrace the uncertain pace of the hours especially at night when i would wake thinking it was morning and find that the family were not yet gone to bed and that all the length of night had yet to come the depressed dreams and i had the return of day noon afternoon evening when the boys played in the churchyard and i watched them from a distance within the room being ashamed to show myself at the window lest they should know i was a prisoner the strange sensation of never hearing myself speak the fleeting intervals of something like cheerfulness which came with eating and drinking and went away with it the setting in of rain one evening with a fresh smell and its coming down faster and faster between me and the church until it and gathering night seemed to me in gloom and fear and remorse all this appears to have gone round and round for years instead of days it is so vividly and strongly stamped on my remembrance on the last night of my restraint i was awakened by hearing my own name spoken in a whisper i started up in bed and putting out my arms in the dark said is that you there was no immediate answer but presently i heard my name again in a tone so very mysterious and awful that i think i should have gone into a fit if it had not occurred to me that it must have come through the i my way to the door and putting my own lips to the whispered is that you dear yes my own precious she replied be as soft as a mouse or the cat hear us i understood this to mean miss and was sensible of the of the case her room being close by how s dear is she very angry with me of david i could hear crying softly on her side of the as i was doing on mine before she answered no not very what is going to be done with me dear do you know school near london was s answer i was obliged to get her to repeat it for she spoke it the first time quite down my throat in consequence of	8
my having forgotten to take my mouth away from the and put my ear there and though her words me a good deal i didn t hear them when to morrow is that the reason why miss took the clothes out of my drawers which she had done though i have forgotten to mention it yes said box shan t i see yes said morning then fitted her mouth close to the and delivered these words through it with as much feeling and earnestness as a has ever been the medium of communicating i will venture to assert shooting in each broken little sentence in a little burst of its own dear if i ain t ben as intimate with you lately as i used to be it ain t i don t love you just as well and more my pretty it s because i thought it better for you and for some one else besides my darling are you listening can you hear ye ye ye yes i sobbed my own said with infinite compassion what i want to say is that you must never forget me i never forget you and i take as much care of your as ever i took of you and i won t leave her the day may come when she be glad to her poor head on her stupid cross old s arm again and i write to you my dear though i ain t no scholar and i i fell to kissing the as she couldn t kiss me thank you dear said i oh thank you thank you will you promise me one thing will you write and tell mr and little em ly and mrs and ham that i am not so bad as they might suppose and that i sent em all my love especially to little em ly will you if you please the kind soul promised and we both of us kissed the with the greatest affection i patted it with my hand i recollect as if it had been her honest face and parted that night there grew up in my breast a feeling for which i cannot very well define she did not replace my mother no one could do that but she came into a in my heart which closed upon her and i felt towards her something i have never felt for any other human being it was a sort of affection too and yet if she had died i cannot think what i should have done or how i should have acted out the tragedy it would have been to me in the morning miss appeared as usual and told me i was going to school which was not altogether such news to mc as she supposed she also informed me that when i was dressed to come down stairs into the parlor and have my breakfast there i found my the personal history and experience mother very pale and with red eyes into whose arms i ran and begged her pardon from my suffering soul oh she said that you could hurt any one i love try to be better pray to be better i forgive you but i am so grieved that you should have such bad passions in your heart they had persuaded her that i was a wicked fellow and she was more sorry for that than for my going away i felt it sorely i tried to eat my parting breakfast but my tears dropped upon my bread and butter and into my tea i saw my mother look at me sometimes and then glance at the watchful miss and then look down or look away master s box there said miss when wheels were heard at the gate i looked for but it was not she neither she nor mr appeared my former acquaintance the was at the door the box was taken out to his cart and lifted in said miss in her warning note ready my dear jane returned my mother good bye you are going for your own good good bye my child you will come home in the holidays and be a better boy miss repeated certainly my dear jane replied my mother who was holding me i forgive you my dear boy god bless you miss repeated miss was good enough to take me out to the cart and to say on the way that she hoped i would repent before i came to a bad end and then i got into the cart and the lazy horse walked off with it chapter v i am sent away home we might have gone about half a mile and my pocket handkerchief was quite wet through when the stopped short looking out to ascertain what for i saw to my amazement burst from a hedge and climb into the cart she took me in both her arms and squeezed me to her stays until the pressure on my nose was extremely painful though i never thought of that till afterwards when i found it very tender not a single word did speak one of her arms she put it down in her pocket to the elbow and brought out some paper bags of cakes which she crammed into my pockets and a purse which she put into my hand but not one word did she say after another and a final squeeze with both arms she got down from the cart and ran away and my belief is and has always been without a solitary button on her gown i picked up one of several that were rolling about and it as a for a long time the looked at me as if to if she were coming back of david i shook my head and said i thought not then come up said the to the lazy horse who came	8
and give another name first i explained to the lady how it was who then rang a bell arid called out william show the coffee room upon which a j waiter came running out of a kitchen on the opposite side of the yard to show it and seemed a good deal surprised when he found he was only to show it to me it was a large long room with some large maps in it i doubt if i could have felt much stranger if the maps had been real foreign countries and i cast away in the middle of them i felt it was taking a liberty to sit down with my cap in my hand on the corner of the chair nearest the door and when the waiter laid a cloth on purpose for me and put a set of on it i think i must have turned red all over with modesty he brought me some and vegetables and took the covers off in such a manner that i was afraid i must have given him some offence but he greatly relieved my mind by putting a chair for me at the table and saying very now six foot come on i thanked him and took my seat at the board but found it extremely difficult to handle my knife and fork with anything like dexterity or to avoid myself with the while he was staring so hard and making me blush in the most dreadful manner every time i caught his eye after watching me into the second chop he said there s half a pint of ale for you will you have it now i thanked him and said yes upon which he poured it out of a into a large and held it up against the light and made it look beautiful my eye he said it seems a good deal don t it it does seem a good deal i answered with a smile for it was quite delightful to me to find him so pleasant he was a twinkling eyed man with his hair standing upright all over his head and as he stood with one arm a holding up the glass to the light with the other hand he looked quite friendly there was a gentleman here yesterday he said a stout gentleman by the name of perhaps you know him no i said i don t think in breeches and broad hat grey coat said the waiter no i said i haven t the pleasure he came in here said the waiter looking at the light through the ordered a glass of this ale would order it i told him not drank it and fell dead it was too old for him it t to be drawn that s the fact i was very much shocked to hear of this melancholy accident and said i thought i had better have some water why you see said the waiter still looking at the light through the with one of his eyes shut up our people don t like things being ordered and left it em but ll drink it if you like i m e the personal history and experience used to it and use is everything i don t think it hurt me if i throw my head back and take it off quick shall i i replied that he would much oblige me by drinking it if he thought he could do it safely but by no means otherwise when he did throw his head back and take it off quick i had a horrible fear i confess of seeing him meet the fate of the lamented mr and fall lifeless on the carpet but it didn t hurt him on the contrary i thought he seemed the for it what have we got here he said putting a fork into my dish not i said lord bless my soul he exclaimed i didn t know they were why a chop s the very thing to take off the bad effects of that beer ain t it lucky so he took a chop by the bone in one hand and a in the other and ate away with a very good appetite to my extreme satisfaction he afterwards took another chop and another and after that another chop and another when we had done he brought me a and having set it before me seemed to and to become absent in his mind for some moments how s the pie he said rousing himself it s a i made answer he exclaimed why bless me so it is what looking at it nearer you don t mean to say it s a tes it is indeed why a he said taking up a table spoon is my favorite ain t that lucky come on little un and let s see who get most the waiter certainly got most he entreated me more than once to come in and win but what with his table spoon to my tea spoon his to my and his appetite to my appetite i was left far behind at the first and had no chance with him i never saw any one enjoy a so much i think and he laughed when it was all gone as if his enjoyment of it lasted still finding him so very friendly and it was then that i asked for the pen and ink and paper to write to he not only brought it immediately but was good enough to look over me while i wrote the letter when i had finished it he asked me where i was going to school i said near london which was all i knew oh my eye he said looking very low spirited i am sorry for that why i asked him oh lord he said shaking his head that s the school	8
where they broke the boy s ribs two ribs a little boy he was i should say he was let me see how old are you about i told him between eight and nine that s just his age he said he was eight years and six months old when they broke his first eight years and eight months old when they broke his second and did for him i could not disguise from myself or from the waiter that this was an of david uncomfortable coincidence and how it was done his answer was not cheering to my spirits for it consisted of two dismal words with the blowing of the coach horn in the yard was a diversion which made me get up and hesitatingly in the mingled pride and of having a purse which i took out of my pocket if there were anything to pay there s a sheet of letter paper he returned did you ever buy a sheet of letter paper i could not remember that i ever had it s dear he said on account of the duty that s the way we re in this country there s nothing else except the waiter never mind the ink i lose by that what should you what should i how much ought i to what would it be right to pay the waiter if you please i stammered blushing if i hadn t a family and that family hadn t the said the waiter i wouldn t take a sixpence if i didn t support a aged and a lovely sister here the waiter was greatly agitated i wouldn t take a if i had a good place and was treated well here i should beg acceptance of a trifle instead of taking of it but i live on broken and i sleep on the coals here the waiter burst into tears i was very much concerned for his misfortunes and felt that any recognition short of would be mere and hardness of heart therefore i gave him one of my three bright shillings which he received with much humility and veneration and spun up with his thumb directly afterwards to try the goodness of it was a little to me to find when i was being helped up behind the coach that i was supposed to have eaten all the dinner without any assistance i discovered this from the lady in the say to the guard take care of that child george or he burst and from observing that the women servants who were about the place came out to look and at me as a young phenomenon my unfortunate friend the waiter who had quite recovered his spirits did not appear to be disturbed by this but joined in the general admiration without being at all confused if i had any doubt of him i suppose this half awakened it but i am inclined to believe that with the simple confidence of a child and the natural reliance of a child upon superior years qualities i am very sorry any children should change for worldly wisdom i had no serious of him on the whole even then i felt it rather hard i must own to be made without deserving it the subject of jokes between the coachman and guard as to the coach drawing heavy behind on account of my sitting there and as to the greater of my travelling by the story of my supposed appetite getting wind among the outside passengers they were merry upon it likewise and asked me whether l was going to be paid for at school as two brothers or three and whether i was contracted for or went upon the regular terms with other pleasant questions but the worst of it was that i knew i should be ashamed to eat anything when an opportunity offered and that after a rather light dinner i should remain hungry e the personal history and experience all night for i had left my cakes behind at the hotel in my hurry my apprehensions were when we stopped for supper i couldn t muster courage to take any though i should have liked it very much but sat by the fire and said i didn t want anything this did not save me from more jokes either for a gentleman with a rough face who had been eating out of a box nearly all the way except when he had been drinking out of a bottle said i was like a who took enough at one meal to last him a long time after which he actually brought a rash out upon himself with boiled beef we had started from at three o clock in the afternoon and we were due in london about eight next morning it was weather and the evening was very pleasant when we passed through a village i pictured to myself what the of the houses were like and what the inhabitants were about and when boys came running after us and got up behind and swung there for a little way i wondered whether their fathers were alive and whether they were happy at home i had plenty to think of therefore besides my mind running continually on the kind of place i was going to which was an awful speculation sometimes i remember i resigned myself to thoughts of home and and to endeavouring in a confused blind way to recall how i had felt and what sort of boy i used to be before i bit mr which i couldn t satisfy myself about by any means i seemed to have bitten him in such a remote antiquity the night was not so pleasant as the evening for it got chilly and being put between two gentlemen the rough faced one and another to prevent	8
my tumbling off the coach i was nearly smothered by their falling asleep and completely me up they squeezed me so hard sometimes that i could not help crying out oh if you please which they didn t like at all because it woke them opposite me was an elderly lady in a great fur cloak who looked in the dark more like a than a lady she was wrapped up to such a degree this lady had a basket with her and she hadn t known what to do with it for a long time until she found that on account of my legs being short it could go underneath me it cramped and hurt me so that it made me perfectly miserable but if i moved in the least and made a glass that was in the basket rattle against something else as it was sure to do she gave me the with her foot and said come don t you your bones are young enough i m sure at last the sun rose and then my companions seemed to sleep easier the difficulties under which they had all night and which had found utterance in the most terrific and are not to be conceived as the sun got higher then sleep became lighter and so they gradually one by one awoke i recollect being very much surprised by the everybody made then of not having been to sleep at all and by the uncommon indignation with which every one the charge i labor under the same kind of astonishment to this day having invariably observed that of all human weaknesses the one to which our common nature is the least disposed to confess i cannot imagine why is the weakness of having gone to sleep in a coach what an amazing place london was to me when i saw it in the distance and how i believed all the adventures of all my favorite heroes to be constantly and re there and how i vaguely made it out op david in my own mind to be fuller of wonders and wickedness than all the cities of the earth i need not stop here to relate we approached it by degrees and got in due time to the inn in the district for which we were bound i forget whether it was the blue bull or the blue but i know it was the blue something and that its likeness was painted up on the back of the coach the guard s eye lighted on me as he was getting down and he said at the office door is there anybody here for a in the name of from to be left till called for nobody answered try if you please sir said i looking helplessly down is there anybody here for a in the name of from but to the name of to be left till called for said the guard come is there anybody no there was nobody i looked anxiously around but the made no impression on any of the if i except a man in with one eye who suggested that they had better put a brass collar round my neck and tie me up in the stable a ladder was brought and i got down after the lady who was like a not daring to stir until her basket was removed the coach was clear of passengers by that time the luggage was very soon cleared out the horses had been taken out before the luggage and now the coach itself was wheeled and backed off by some out of the way still nobody appeared to claim the dusty from more solitary than who had nobody to look at him and see that he was solitary i went into the office and by invitation of the clerk on duty passed behind the counter and sat down on the scale at which they weighed the luggage here as i sat looking at the and books and the smell of stables ever since associated with that morning a procession of most tremendous considerations began to march through my mind supposing nobody should ever fetch me how long would they consent to keep me there would they keep me long enough to spend seven shillings should i sleep at night in one of those wooden with the other luggage and wash myself at the pump in the yard in the morning or should i be turned out every night and expected to come again to be left till called for when the office opened next day supposing there was no mistake in the case and mr had devised this plan to get rid of me what should i do if they allowed me to remain there until my seven shillings were spent i couldn t hope to remain there when i began to starve that would obviously be inconvenient and unpleasant to the customers besides on the blue whatever it was the risk of funeral expenses if i started off at once and tried to walk back home how could i ever find my way how could i ever hope to walk so far how could i make sure of any one but even if i got back if i found out the nearest proper authorities and offered myself to go for a soldier or a sailor i was such a little fellow that it was most likely they wouldn t take me in these thoughts and a hundred other such thoughts turned me burning hot and made me giddy with apprehension and dismay i was in the height of my fever the personal history and experience when a man entered and whispered to the clerk who presently me off the scale and pushed me over to mm as if i were weighed bought delivered and paid for as i went out of the office hand in hand with this new acquaintance i stole a	8
do the master upon this put his hand underneath the skirts of his coat and brought out his in three pieces which he together and began immediately to play my impression is after many years of consideration that there never can have been anybody in the world who played worse he made the most dismal sounds i have ever heard produced by any means natural or artificial i don t know what the tunes were if there were such things in the performance at all which i doubt but the influence of the strain upon me was first to make me think of all my sorrows until i could hardly keep my tears back then to take away my appetite and lastly to make me so sleepy that i couldn t keep my eyes open they begin to close again and i begin to nod as the recollection rises fresh upon me once more the little room with its open corner cupboard and its square backed chairs and its little staircase leading to the room above and its three s feathers displayed over the i remember wondering when i first in the personal history and experience what that would have thought if he had known what his finery was doomed to come to from before me and i nod and sleep the becomes the wheels of the coach are heard instead and i am on my journey the coach i wake with a start and the has come back again and the master at house is sitting with his legs crossed playing it while the old woman of the house looks on delighted she in her turn and he and all and there is no no master no house no david no anything but heavy sleep i dreamed i thought that once while he was blowing into this dismal the old woman of the house who had gone nearer and nearer to him in her admiration leaned over the back of his chair and gave him an affectionate squeeze round the neck which stopped his playing for a moment i was in the middle state between sleeping and waking either then or immediately afterwards for as he resumed it was a real fact that he had stopped playing i saw and heard the same old woman ask mrs if it wasn t delicious meaning the to which mrs replied ay ay yes and nodded at the fire to which i am persuaded she gave the credit of the whole performance when i seemed to have been a long while the master at house his into the three pieces put them up as before and took me away we found the coach very near at hand and got upon the roof but i was so dead sleepy that we stopped on the road to take up somebody else they put me inside where there were no passengers and where i slept profoundly until i found the coach going at a up a steep hill among green leaves presently it stopped and had come to its destination a short walk brought us i mean the master and me to house which was enclosed with a high brick wall and looked very dull over a door in this wall was a board with house upon it and through a grating in this door ave were surveyed when we rang the bell by a surly face which i found on the door being opened belonged to a stout man with a bull neck a wooden leg overhanging temples and his hair cut close all round his head the new boy said the master the man with the wooden leg eyed me all over it didn t take long for there was not much of me and locked the gate behind us and took out the key we were going up to the house among some dark heavy trees when he called after my conductor we looked back and he was standing at the door of a little lodge where he lived with a pair of boots in his hand here the s been he said since you ve been out mr and he says he can t mend em any more he says there an t a bit of the original boot left and he wonders you expect it with these words he threw the boots towards mr who went back a few paces to pick them up and looked at them very i was afraid as we went on together i observed then for the first time that the boots he had on were a good deal the worse for wear and that his was just breaking out in one place like a bud of david house was a square brick building with wings of a bare and appearance all about it was so very quiet that i said to mr i supposed the boys were out but he seemed surprised at my not knowing that it was holiday time that all the boys were at their several homes that mr the proprietor was down by the sea side with mrs and miss and that i was sent in holiday time as a punishment for my all of which he explained to me as we went along i gazed upon the into which he took me as the most forlorn and desolate place i had ever seen i see it now a long room with three long rows of and six of forms and all round with for hats and scraps of old and exercises litter the dirty floor some houses made of the same materials are scattered over the two miserable little white left behind by their owner are running up and down in a castle made of and wire looking in all the corners with their red eyes for anything to eat a bird in a cage a very little bigger	8
than himself makes a mournful rattle now and then in on his perch two inches high or dropping from it but neither sings nor there is a strange smell upon the room like sweet apples wanting air and rotten books there could not well be more ink about it if it had been from its first construction and the skies had rained hailed and blown ink through the varying seasons of the year mr having left me while he took his boots up stairs i went softly to the upper end of the room observing all this as i crept along suddenly i came upon a beautifully written which was lying on the desk and bore these words take care of he i got upon the desk immediately apprehensive of at least a great dog underneath but though i looked all round with anxious eyes i could see nothing of him i was still engaged in peering about when mr came back and asked me what i did up there i beg your pardon sir says i if you please i m looking for the dog dog says he what dog isn t it a dog sir isn i what a dog that s to be taken care of sir that no says he gravely that s not a dog that s a boy my instructions are to put this on your back i am sorry to make such a beginning with you but i must do it with that he took me down and tied the which was neatly constructed for the purpose on my shoulders like a and wherever i went afterwards i had the consolation of carrying it what i suffered from that nobody can imagine whether it was possible for people to see me or not i always fancied that somebody was reading it it was no relief to turn round and find nobody for wherever my back was there i imagined somebody always to be that cruel man with the wooden leg my sufferings he was in authority and if he ever saw me leaning against a tree or a wall or the house he roared out from his lodge door in a the personal history and experience voice you sir you show that conspicuous or i ll report you the was a bare yard open to all the back of the house and the offices and i knew that tlie servants read it and the butcher read it and the baker read it that everybody in a word who came backwards and forwards to the house of a morning when i was ordered to walk there read that i was to be taken care of for i bit i recollect that i positively began to have a dread of myself as a kind of wild boy who did bite there was an old door in this on which the boys had a custom of carving their names it was completely covered with such in my dread of the end of the and their coming back i could not read a boy s name without in what tone and with what emphasis lie would read take care of him he there was one boy a certain j who cut his name very deep and very often who i conceived would read it in a rather strong voice and afterwards pull my hair there was another boy one who i dreaded make game of it and pretend to be dreadfully frightened of me there was a third george who i fancied would sing it i have looked a little shrinking creature at that door until the owners of all the names there were and forty of them in the school then mr said seemed to send me to by general and to cry out each in his own way take care of him he it was the same with the places at the and forms it was the same with the groves of deserted i peeped at on my way to and when i was in my own bed i remember dreaming night after night of being with my mother as she used to be or of going to a party at mr s or of travelling outside the stage coach or of dining again with my unfortunate friend the waiter and in all these circumstances making people scream and stare by the unhappy disclosure that i had nothing on but my little night shirt and that in the monotony of my life and in my constant apprehension of the of the school it was such an affliction i had long tasks every day to do with mr but i did them there being no mr and miss here and got through them without disgrace before and after them i walked about as i have mentioned by the man with the wooden leg how vividly i call to mind the damp about the house the green cracked in the court an old water butt and the trunks of some of the grim trees which seemed to have more in the rain than other trees and to have blown less in the sun i at one we dined mr and i at the upper end of a long bare dining room full of deal tables and smelling of fat then we had more tasks until tea which mr drank out of a blue and i out of a tin pot all day long and until seven or eight in the evening mr at his own detached desk in the worked hard with pen ink ruler books and writing paper making out the bills as i found for last half year when he had put up his things for the night he took out his and blew at it until i almost thought he would gradually blow his whole being into the large hole at the top and away at the keys	8
of david i picture small self in the dimly lighted rooms sitting with my head upon my hand listening to the performance of mr and to morrow s lessons i picture myself with my books shut up still listening to the performance of mr and listening through it to what used to be at home and to the blowing of the wind on and feeling very sad and solitary i picture myself going up to bed among the unused rooms and sitting on my bed side crying for a comfortable word from i picture myself coming down stairs in the morning and looking through a long ghastly of a staircase window at the school bell hanging on the top of an with a above it and the time when it shall ring j and the rest to work which is only second in my apprehensions to the time when the man with the wooden leg shall the rusty gate to give admission to the awful mr i cannot think i was a very dangerous character in any of these aspects but in all of them i carried the same warning on my back mr never said much to me but he was never harsh to me i suppose we were company to each other without talking i forgot to mention that he would talk to himself sometimes and grin and his list and grind his teeth and pull his hair in an unaccountable manner but he had these peculiarities and at first they frightened me though i soon ot used to them chapter vi i my circle of acquaintance i had led this life about a month when the man with the wooden to stump about with a and a bucket of water from which i inferred that preparations were making to receive mr and the boys i was not mistaken for the came into the before long and turned out mr and me who lived where we could and got on how we could for some days during which we were always in the way of two or three young women who had rarely shown themselves before and were so continually in the midst of dust that i almost as much as if house had been a great snuff box one day i was informed by mr that mr would be home that evening in the evening after tea i heard that he was come before bed time i was fetched by the man with the wooden leg to appear before him mr s part of the house was a good deal for table than ours and he had a snug bit of garden that looked pleasant after the dusty which was such a desert in miniature that i thought no one but a or a could have felt at home in it it seemed to me a bold thing even to take notice that the passage looked comfortable as i on my way trembling to mr s presence which ho the personal history and experience abashed me when i was ushered into it that i hardly saw mrs or miss who were both there in the parlor or anything but mr a stout gentleman with a bunch of watch chain and in an arm chair with a and bottle beside him so said mr this is the young gentleman whose teeth are to be filed turn him round the wooden legged man turned me about so as to exhibit the and having afforded time for a full survey of it turned me about again with my face to mr and posted himself at mr s side mr s face was fiery and his eyes were small and deep in his head he had thick veins in his forehead a little nose and a large chin he was bald on the top of his head and had some thin wet looking hair that was just turning grey brushed across each temple so that the two sides on his forehead but the circumstance about him which impressed me most was that he had no voice but spoke in a whisper the exertion this cost him or the consciousness of talking in that feeble way made his angry face so much more angry and his thick veins so much thicker when he spoke that i am not surprised on looking back at this peculiarity striking me as his chief one now said mr what s the report of this boy there s nothing against him yet returned the man with the wooden leg there has been no opportunity i thought mr was disappointed i thought mrs and miss at whom i now glanced for the first time and who were both thin and quiet were not disappointed come here sir said mr to me come here said the man with the wooden leg repeating the gesture i have the happiness of knowing your father in law whispered mr taking me by the ear and a worthy man he is and a man of a strong character he knows me and i know him do you know me hey said mr my ear with ferocious not yet sir i said with the pain not yet hey repeated mr but you will soon hey you will soon hey repeated the man with the wooden leg i afterwards found that he generally acted with his strong voice as mr s to the boys i was very much frightened and said i hoped so if he pleased i felt all this while as if my ear were blazing he pinched it so hard i tell you what i am whispered mr letting it go at last with a screw at parting that brought the water into my eyes i m a a said the man with the wooden leg when i say j do a thing i do it said mr and when i say i will have a thing done i will	8
have it done will have a thing done i will have it done repeated the man with the wooden leg lam a determined character said mr that s what i am i do my duty that s what do my flesh and blood he op david looked at mrs as he said this when it rises against me is not my flesh and blood i it has that fellow to the man with the wooden leg been here again no was the answer no said mr he knows better he knows me let him keep away i say let him keep away said mr striking his hand upon the table and looking at mrs for he knows me now you have begun to know me too my young friend and you may go take him away i was very glad to be ordered away for mrs and miss were both wiping their eyes and i felt as uncomfortable for them as i did for myself but i had a petition on my mind which concerned me so nearly that i couldn t help saying though i wondered at my own courage if you please sir mr whispered what s this and bent his eyes upon me as if he would have burnt me up with them if you please sir i faltered if i might be allowed i am very sorry indeed sir for what i did to take this writing off before the boys come back whether mr was in earnest or whether he only did it to frighten me i don t know but he made a burst out of his chair before i retreated without waiting for the escort of the man with the wooden leg and never once stopped until i reached my own bedroom where finding i was not pursued i went to bed as it was time and lay for a couple of hours next morning mr sharp came back mr sharp was the first master and superior to mr mr took his meals with the boys but mr sharp dined and at mr s table he was a limp delicate looking gentleman i thought with a good deal of nose and a way of carrying his head on one side as if it were a little too heavy for him his hair was very smooth and but i was informed by the very first boy who came back that it was a wig a second hand one lie said and that mr sharp went out every saturday afternoon to get it curled it was no other than who gave me this piece of intelligence he was the first boy who returned he introduced himself by informing me that i should find his name on the right hand corner of the gate over the top bolt upon that i said to which he replied the same and then he asked me for a full account of myself and family it was a happy circumstance for me that came back first he enjoyed my so much that he saved me from the embarrassment of either disclosure or concealment by presenting me to every other boy who came back great or small immediately on his arrival in this form of introduction look here here s a game happily too the greater part of the boys came back low spirited and were not so boisterous at my expense as i had expected some of them certainly did dance about me like wild indians and the greater part could not resist the temptation of pretending that i was a dog and patting and me lest i should bite and saving lie down sir and calling me this was naturally the personal history and experience among s many strangers and cost me some tears but on the whole it was much better than i had anticipated i was not considered as being formally received into the school however until j arrived before this boy who was to be a great scholar and was very good looking and at least half a dozen years my senior i was carried as before a magistrate he under a shed in the into the particulars of my punishment and was pleased to express his opinion that it was a jolly shame for which i became bound to him ever afterwards what money have you got he said walking aside with me when he had disposed of my affair in these terms i told him seven shillings you had better give it to me to take care of he said at least you can if you like you needn t if you don t like i hastened to with his friendly suggestion and opening s purse turned it down into his hand do you want to spend anything now he asked me no thank you i replied you can if you like you know said say the word no thank you sir i repeated perhaps you d like to spend a couple of shillings or so in a bottle of wine by and by up in the bedroom said you belong to my bedroom i find it certainly had not occurred to me before but i said yes i should like that very good said you be glad to spend another shilling or so in cakes i dare say i said yes i should like that too and another shilling or so in and another in fruit eh said i say young you re going it i smiled because he smiled but i was a little troubled in my mind too well said we must make it stretch as far as we can that s all i do the best in my power for you i can go out when i like and i the in with these words he put the money in his pocket and kindly told me not to make myself uneasy he would take care it should	8
be all right he was as good as his word if that were all right which i had a secret was nearly all wrong for i feared it was a waste of my mother s two half crowns though had preserved the piece of paper they were wrapped in which was a precious saving when we went up stairs to bed he produced the whole seven shillings worth and laid it out on my bed in the moonlight saying there you are young and a royal spread you ve got i couldn t think of doing the honors of the feast at my time of life while he was by my hand shook at the very thought of it i begged him to do me the favor of and my request being by the other boys who were in that room he to it and sat upon my pillow handing round the with perfect i must say and the wine in a little glass without a foot which was his own property as to me i sat on his left hand and the rest were about us on the nearest beds and on the floor op david how well i recollect our sitting there talking in whispers or their talking and my respectfully listening i ought rather to say the moonlight falling a little way into the room through the window painting a pale window on the floor and the greater part of us in shadow except when dipped a match into a box when he wanted to look for anything on the board and shed a blue glare over us that was gone directly a certain mysterious feeling consequent on the darkness the of the and the whisper in which everything was said over me again and i listen to all they tell me with a vague feeling of solemnity and awe which makes me glad that they are all so near and me though i to laugh when to see a ghost in the corner i heard all kinds of things about the school and all belonging to it i heard that mr had not preferred his claim to being a without reason that he was the and most severe of masters that he laid about him right and left every day of his life charging in among the boys like a and away that he knew nothing himself but the art of being more ignorant j said than the lowest boy in the school that he had been a good many years ago a small hop dealer in the and had taken to the business after being in and making away with mrs s money with a good deal more of that sort which i wondered how they knew i heard that the man with the wooden leg whose name was was an obstinate who had formerly assisted in the hop business but had come into the line with mr in consequence as was supposed among the boys of his having broken his leg in mr s service and having done a deal of work for him and knowing his secrets i heard that with the single exception of mr considered the whole establishment masters and boys as his natural enemies and that the only delight of his life was to be sour and malicious i heard that mr had a son who had not been s mend and who assisting in the school had once held some remonstrance with his father on an occasion when its discipline was very cruelly exercised and was supposed besides to have protested against his father s usage of his mother i heard that mr had turned him out of doors in consequence and that mrs and miss had been in a sad way ever since but the greatest wonder that i heard of mr was there being one boy in the school on whom he never ventured to lay a hand and that boy being j himself confirmed this when it was stated and said that he should like to begin to see him do it on by a mild boy not me how he would proceed if he did begin to see him do it he dipped a match into his box on purpose to shed a glare over his reply and said he would commence by knocking him down with a blow on the forehead from the seven and ink bottle that was always on the we sat in the dark for some time breathless i heard that mr sharp and mr were both supposed to be paid and that when there was hot and cold meat for dinner at mr s table mr sharp was always expected to say he preferred the personal history and experience cold which was again by j the only i heard that mr sharp s wig didn t fit him and that he needn t be so somebody else said about it because his own red hair was very plainly to be seen behind i heard that one boy who was a coal merchant s son came as a set off against the coal bill and was called on that account exchange or a name selected from the book as expressing this arrangement i heard that the table beer was a robbery of parents and the an i heard that miss was regarded by the school in general as being in love with and i am sure as i sat in the dark thinking of his nice voice and his fine face and his easy manner and his curling hair i thought it very likely i heard that mr was not a bad sort of fellow but hadn t a sixpence to bless himself with and that there was no doubt that old mrs his mother was as poor as job i thought of my breakfast then and what had sounded like my but i	8
was i am glad to remember as mute as a mouse about it the hearing of all this and a good deal more the banquet some time the greater part of the guests had gone to bed as soon as the eating and drinking were over and we who had remained whispering and listening half at last ourselves to bed too good night young said i take care of you you re very kind i gratefully returned i am very much obliged to you you haven t got a sister have you said yawning no i answered that s a pity said if you had had one i should think she would have been a pretty timid little bright eyed sort of girl i should have liked to know her good night young good night sir i replied i thought of him very much after i went to bed and raised myself i recollect to look at him where he lay in the moonlight with his handsome face turned up and his head easily on his arm he was a person of great power in my eyes that was of course the reason of my mind running on him no veiled future dimly glanced upon him in the there was no shadowy picture of his footsteps in the garden that i dreamed of walking in all night of david my first half at house school began in earnest next day a profound impression was made upon me i remember by the roar of voices in the suddenly becoming hushed as death when mr entered after breakfast and stood in the doorway looking round upon us like a giant in a story book surveying his stood at mr s elbow he had no occasion i thought to cry out silence so for the boys were all struck speechless and motionless mr was seen to speak and was heard to this effect now boys this is a new half take care what you re about in this new half come fresh up to the lessons i advise you for i come fresh up to the punishment i won t it will be of no use your rubbing yourselves you won t rub the marks out that i shall give you now get to work every boy when this dreadful was over and had out again mr came to where i sat and told me that if i were famous for biting he was famous for biting too he then showed me the cane and asked me what i thought of that for a tooth was it a sharp tooth hey was it a double tooth hey had it a deep hey did it bite hey did it bite at every question he gave me a cut with it that made me so i was very soon made free of house as said and very soon in tears also not that i mean to say these were special marks of distinction which only i received on the contrary a large majority of the boys especially the smaller ones were visited with similar instances of notice as mr made the round of the half the establishment was and crying before the day s work began and how much of it had and cried before the day s work was over i am really afraid to recollect lest i should seem to i should think there never can have been a man who enjoyed his profession more than mr did he had a delight in cutting at the boys which was like the satisfaction of a craving appetite i am confident that he couldn t resist a boy especially that there was a fascination in such a subject which made him restless in his mind until he had and marked him for the day i was myself and ought to know i am sure when i think of the fellow now my blood rises against him with the disinterested indignation i should feel if i could have known all about him without having ever been in his power but it rises hotly because i know him to have been an incapable brute who had no more right to be possessed of the great trust he held than to be lord high admiral or commander in chief in either of which it is probable that he would have done infinitely less mischief miserable little of a idol how abject we were f the personal history and experience to him what a in life i think it now on looking back to be so mean and to a man of such parts and pretensions here i sit at the desk again watching his eye humbly watching his eye as he rules a book for another victim whose hands have just been by that identical ruler and who is trying to wipe the sting out with a pocket handkerchief i have plenty to do i don t watch his eye in idleness but because i am attracted to it in a dread desire to know what he will do next and whether it will be my turn to suffer or somebody else s a lane of small boys beyond me with the same interest in his eye watch it too i think he knows it though he he don t he makes dreadful mouths as he rules the and now he throws his eye sideways down our lane and we all over our books and tremble a moment afterwards we are again him an unhappy found guilty of imperfect exercise approaches at his command the excuses and a determination to do better to morrow mr cuts a joke before he beats him and we laugh at it miserable little dogs we laugh with our as white as ashes and our hearts sinking into our boots here i sit at the desk again on a drowsy summer afternoon a and hum go up around me as if	8
the boys were so many blue bottles a sensation of the fat of meat is upon me we dined an hour or two ago and my head is as heavy as so much lead i would give the world to go to sleep i sit with my eye on mr at him like a young owl when sleep me for a minute he still through my slumber ruling those books until he softly comes behind me and wakes me to perception of him with a red ridge across my back here i am in the with my eye still fascinated by him though i can t see him the window at a little distance from which i know he is having his dinner stands for him and i eye that instead if he shows his face near it mine an imploring and expression if he looks out through the glass the boy stops in the middle of a shout or yell and becomes one day the most unfortunate boy in the world breaks that window accidentally with a ball i shudder at this moment with the tremendous sensation of seeing it done and feeling that the ball has bounded on to mr s sacred head poor in a tight sky blue suit that made his arms and legs like german or he was the and most miserable of all the boys he was always being i think he was every day that half year except one holiday monday when he was only ruler d on both hands and was always going to write to his uncle about it and never did after laying his head on the desk for a little while he would cheer up somehow begin to laugh again and draw all over his slate before his eyes were dry i used at first to wonder what comfort found in drawing and for some time looked upon him as a sort of who reminded himself by those of that couldn t last for ever but i believe he only did it because they were easy and didn t want any features he was very honorable was and held it as a solemn duty in of david the boys to stand by one another he suffered for this on several occasions and particularly once when laughed in church and the thought it was and took him out i see him now going away in despised by the congregation he never said who was the real though he for it next day and was imprisoned so many hours that he came forth with a whole churchyard full of all over his latin dictionary but he had his reward said there was nothing of the in and we all felt that to be the highest praise for my part i could have gone through a good deal though i was much less brave than and nothing like so old to have won such a to see walk to church before us arm in arm with miss was one of the great sights of my life i didn t think miss equal to little em ly in point of beauty and i didn t love her i didn t dare but i thought her a young lady of extraordinary attractions and in point of not to be surpassed when in white trousers carried her for her i felt proud to know him and believed that she could not choose but him with all her heart mr sharp and mr were both notable personages in my eyes but was to them what the sun was to two stars continued his protection of me and proved a very useful friend since nobody dared to annoy one whom he honored with his countenance he couldn t or at all events he didn t defend me from mr who was very severe with me but whenever i had been treated worse than usual he always told me that i wanted a little of his pluck and that he wouldn t have stood it himself which i felt he intended for encouragement and considered to be very kind of him there was one advantage and only one that i know of in mr s severity he found my in his way when he came up or down behind the form on which i sat and wanted to make a cut at me in passing for this reason it was soon taken off and i saw it no more an accidental circumstance the intimacy between and me in a manner that inspired me with great pride and satisfaction though it sometimes led to inconvenience it happened on one occasion when he was doing me the honor of talking to me in the that i the observation that something or somebody i forget what now was like something or somebody in he said nothing at the time but when i was going to bed at night asked me if i had got that book i told him no and explained how it was that i had read it and all those other books of which i have made mention and do you recollect them said oh yes i replied i had a good memory and i believed i recollected them very well then i tell you what young said you shall tell em to me i can t get to sleep very early at night and i generally wake rather early in the morning we go over em one after another we make some regular nights of it i felt extremely flattered by this arrangement and we commenced carrying it into execution that very evening what i committed on v the personal history and experience my favorite authors in the course of my interpretation of them i am not in a condition to say and should be very unwilling to know but i had a profound faith in them and i had to	8
good deal of noise in the course of the morning s work the great relief and satisfaction experienced by the boys made them difficult to manage and though the dreaded brought his wooden leg in twice or thrice and took notes of the principal names no great impression was made by it as they were pretty sure of getting into trouble to morrow do what they would and thought it wise no doubt to enjoy themselves to day it was properly a half holiday being saturday but as the noise in the would have disturbed mr and the weather was not favorable for going out walking we were ordered into school in the afternoon and set some lighter tasks than usual which were made for the the personal history and experience occasion it was the day of the week on which mr sharp went oat to get his wig curled so mr who always did the whatever it was kept school by himself if i could associate the idea of a bull or a bear with any one so mild as mr i should think of him in with that afternoon when the uproar was at its height as of one of those animals by a thousand dogs i recall him bending his aching head supported on his bony hand over the book on his desk and endeavouring to get on with his tiresome work amidst an uproar that might have made the speaker of the house of giddy boys started in and out of their places playing at in the corner with other boys there were laughing boys singing boys talking boys dancing boys howling boys boys with their feet boys whirled about him grinning him behind his back and before his eyes his poverty his boots his coat his mother everything belonging to him that they should have had consideration for silence cried mi suddenly rising up and striking his desk with the book what does this mean it s impossible to bear it it s how can you do it to me boys it was my book that he struck his desk with and as i stood beside him following his eye as it glanced round the room i saw the boys all stop some suddenly surprised some half afraid and some sorry perhaps s place was at the bottom of the school at the opposite end of the long room he was lounging with his back against the wall and his hands in his pockets and looked at mr with his mouth shut up as if he were whistling when mr looked at him silence mr said mr silence yourself said turning red whom are you talking to sit down said mr sit down yourself said and mind your business there was a and some applause but mr was so white that silence immediately succeeded and one boy who had darted out behind him to imitate his mother again changed his mind and pretended to want a pen mended if you think said mr that i am not acquainted with the power you can establish over any mind here he laid his hand without considering what he did as i supposed upon my head or that i have not observed you within a few minutes urging your on to every sort of outrage against me you are mistaken i don t give myself the trouble of thinking at all about you said coolly so i m not mistaken as it happens and when you make use of your position of here sir pursued mr with his lip trembling very much to insult a gentleman a what where is he said here somebody cried out shame j too bad it was whom mr instantly by bidding him hold his tongue to insult one who is not fortunate in life sir and who never gave of david you the least offence and the many reasons for not insulting whom you are old enough and wise enough to understand said mr with his lip trembling more and more you commit a mean and base action you can sit down or stand up as you please sir go on young said coming forward up the room stop a bit i tell you what mr once for all when you take the liberty of calling me mean or base or anything of that sort you are an impudent beggar you are always a beggar you know but when you do that you are an impudent beggar i am not clear whether he was going to strike mr or mr was going to strike him or there was any such intention on either side i saw a come upon the whole school as if they had been turned into stone and found mr in the midst of us with at his side and mrs and miss looking in at the door as if they were frightened mr with his elbows on his desk and his face in his hands sat for some moments quite still mr said mr shaking him by the arm and his whisper was so audible now that felt it unnecessary to repeat his words you have not forgotten yourself i hope no sir no returned the master showing his face and shaking his head and rubbing his hands in great agitation no sir no i have remembered myself i no mr i have not forgotten myself i i have remembered myself sir i i could wish you had remembered me a little sooner mr it it would have been more kind sir more just sir it would have saved me something sir mr looking hard at mr put his hand on s shoulder and got his feet upon the form close by and sat upon the desk after still looking hard at mr from this throne as he shook his head and rubbed his hands and	8
remained in the same state of agitation mr turned to and said now sir as he don t condescend to tell me what is this the question for a little while looking in scorn and anger on his opponent and remaining silent i could not help thinking even in that interval i remember what a noble fellow he was in appearance and how homely and plain mr looked opposed to him what did he mean by talking about then said at length repeated mr with the veins in his forehead swelling quickly who talked about he did said and pray what did you mean by that sir demanded mr turning angrily on his assistant i meant mr he returned in a low voice as i said that no pupil had a right to avail himself of his position of to me to you said mr my stars but give me leave to ask you mr what s your name and here mr folded his arms cane and all upon his chest and made such a knot of his brows that his little eyes were hardly visible below them whether when you the personal historic and experience talk about you showed proper respect to me to me sir said mr darting ms head at him suddenly and drawing it back again the principal of this establishment and your employer it was not judicious sir i am willing to admit said mr i should not have done so if i had been cool here struck in then he said i was mean and then he said i was base and then i called him a beggar if i had been cool perhaps i shouldn t have called him a beggar but i did and i am ready to take the consequences of it without considering perhaps whether there were any consequences to be taken i felt quite in a glow at this gallant speech it made an impression on the boys too for there was a low stir among them though no one spoke a word i am surprised although your does you honor said mr does you honor certainly i am surprised i must say that you should attach such an epithet to any person employed and paid in house sir gave a short laugh that s not an answer sir said mr to my remark i expect more than that from you if mr looked homely in my eyes before the handsome boy it would be quite impossible to say how homely mr looked let him deny it said deny that he is a beggar cried mr why where does he go a begging if he is not a beggar himself his near relation s one said it s all the same he glanced at me and mr s hand gently patted me upon the shoulder i looked up with a flush upon my face and remorse in my heart but mr s eyes were fixed on he continued to pat me kindly on the shoulder but he looked at him since you expect me mr to justify myself said and to say what i mean what i have to say is that his mother lives on charity in an house mr still looked at him and still patted me kindly on the shoulder and said to himself in a whisper if i heard right yes i thought so mr turned to his assistant with a severe frown and labored politeness now you hear what this gentleman says mr have the goodness if you please to set him right before the assembled school he is right sir without returned mr in the midst of a dead silence what he has said is true be so good then as declare publicly will you said mr putting his head on one side and rolling his eyes round the school whether it ever came to my knowledge until this moment i believe not directly he returned why you know not said mr don t you man i apprehend you never supposed my worldly circumstances to be very good replied the assistant you know what my position is and always has been here of david i apprehend if you come to that said mr with his veins swelling again bigger than ever that you ve been in a wrong position altogether and this for a charity school mr we part if you please the sooner the better there is no time answered mr rising like the present sir to you said mr i take my leave of you mr and of all of you said mr glancing round the room and again patting me gently on the shoulder james the best wish i can leave you is that you may come to be ashamed of what you have done to day at present i would prefer to see you anything rather than a friend to me or to any one in whom i feel an interest once more he laid his hand upon my shoulder and then taking his and a few books from his desk and leaving the key in it for his successor he went out of the school with his property under his arm mr then made a speech through in which he thanked for asserting though perhaps too warmly the independence and respectability of house and which he wound up by shaking hands with while we gave three cheers i did not quite know what for but i supposed for and so joined in them though i felt miserable mr then for being discovered in tears instead of cheers on account of mr departure and went back to his sofa or his bed or wherever he had come from we were left to ourselves now and looked very blank i recollect on one another for myself i felt so much self reproach and for my part in what had happened that nothing would have enabled	8
me to keep back my tears but the fear that who often looked at me i saw might think it or i should rather say considering our relative ages and the feeling with which i regarded him if i showed the emotion which distressed me he was very angry with and said he was glad he had caught it poor who had passed the stage of lying with his head upon the desk and was himself as usual with a burst of said he didn t care mr was ill used who has ill used him you girl said why you have returned what have i done said what have you done retorted hurt his feelings and lost him his situation his feelings repeated his feelings will soon get the better of it i be bound his feelings are not like yours miss as to his situation which was a precious one wasn t it do you suppose i am not going to write home and take care that he gets some money we thought this intention very noble in whose mother was a widow and rich and would do almost anything it was said that he asked her we were all extremely glad to see so put down and exalted to the skies especially when he told us as he condescended to do that what he had done had been done expressly for us and the personal history and experience for our cause and that he had conferred a great boon upon us by doing it but i must say that when i was going on with a story in the dark that night mr s old seemed more than once to sound mournfully in my ears and that when at last was tired and i lay down in my bed i fancied it playing so sorrowfully somewhere that i was quite wretched i soon forgot him in the contemplation of who in an easy amateur way and without any book he seemed to me to know everything by heart took some of his classes until a new master was found the new master came from a grammar school and before he entered on his duties dined in the parlor one day to be introduced to approved of him highly and told us he was a brick without exactly understanding what learned distinction was meant by this i respected him greatly for it and had no doubt whatever of his superior knowledge though he never took the pains with me not that was anybody that mr had taken there was only one other event in this half year out of the daily school life that made an impression on me which still it for many reasons one afternoon when we were all harassed into a state of dire confusion and mr was laying about him dreadfully came in and called out in his usual strong way visitors for a few words were between him and mr as who the visitors were and what room they were to be shown into and then i who had according to custom stood up on the announcement being made and felt quite faint with astonishment was told to go by the back stairs and get a clean on before i repaired to the dining room these orders i obeyed in such a flutter and hurry of my young spirits as i had never known before and when i got to the parlor door and the thought came into my head that it might be my mother i had only thought of mr or miss until then i drew back my hand from the lock and stopped to have a sob before i went in at first i saw nobody but feeling a pressure against the door i looked round it and there to my amazement were mr and ham at me with their hats and one another against the wall i could not help laughing but it was much more in the pleasure of seeing them than at the appearance they made we shook hands in a very cordial way and i laughed and laughed until i pulled out my pocket handkerchief and wiped my eyes mr who never shut his mouth once i remember during the visit showed great concern when he saw me do this and ham to say something cheer up r bo said ham in his way why how you have am i grown i said drying my eyes i was not crying at anything particular that i know of but somehow it made me cry to see old friends r bo ain t he said ham ain t he said mr op david they made me laugh again by laughing at each other and then we all three laughed until i was in danger of crying again do you know how is mr i said and how my dear dear old is said mr and little em ly and mrs on common said mr there was a silence mr to relieve it took two prodigious and an enormous and a large canvas bag of out of his pockets and piled them up in ham s arms you see said mr knowing as you was partial to a little relish with your when you was along with us we took the liberty the old em she did mrs em yes said mr slowly who i thought appeared to stick to the subject on account of having no other subject ready mrs i do assure you she em i expressed my thanks and mr after looking at ham who stood smiling over the shell fish without making any attempt to help him said we come you see the wind and tide making in our favor in one of our to my sister she wrote to me the name of this here place and wrote to me as if ever i chanced	8
i have seen remarked his sister the most confirmed and stubborn i think my dear even you must observe it i beg your pardon my dear jane said my mother but are you quite sure i am certain you excuse me my dear jane that you understand i should be somewhat ashamed of myself returned miss if i could not understand the boy or any boy i don t profess to be profound but i do lay claim to common sense no doubt my dear jane returned my mother your understanding is very vigorous oh dear no pray don t say that interposed miss angrily but i am sure it is resumed my mother and everybody knows it is i profit so much by it myself in many ways at least i ought to that no one can be more convinced of it than myself and therefore i speak with great my dear jane i assure you we say i don t understand the boy returned miss arranging the little on her wrists we jl agree if you please that i don t understand him at all he is much too deep for me but perhaps my brother s penetration may enable him to have some insight into his character and i believe my brother was speaking on the subject when we not very decently interrupted him i think said mr in a low grave voice that there may be better and more judges of such a question than you edward replied my mother timidly you are a far better judge of all questions than i pretend to be both you and jane are i only said you only said something weak and he replied try not to do it again my dear and keep a watch upon yourself my mother s lips moved as if she answered yes my dear edward but she said nothing aloud i was sorry david i remarked said mr turning his head of david and his eyes stiffly towards me to observe that you are of a sullen disposition this is not a character that i can suffer to develop itself beneath my eyes without an effort at improvement you must endeavour sir to change it we must endeavour to change it for you i beg your pardon sir i faltered i have never meant to be sullen since i came back don t take refuge in a lie sir he returned so fiercely that i saw my mother involuntarily put out her trembling hand as if to between us you have withdrawn yourself in your to your own room you have kept your own room when you ought to have been here you know now once for all that i require you to be here and not there further that i require you to bring obedience here you know me david i will have it done miss gave a hoarse chuckle i will have a respectful prompt and ready bearing towards myself he continued and towards jane and towards your mother i will not have this room as if it were at the pleasure of a child sit down he ordered me like a dog and i obeyed like a dog one thing more he said i observe that you have an attachment to low and common company you are not to associate with servants the kitchen will not improve you in the many respects in which you need improvement of the woman who you i say nothing since you addressing my mother in a lower voice from old associations and long fancies have a weakness respecting her which is not yet overcome a most unaccountable delusion it is cried miss i only say he resumed addressing me that i of your preferring such company as mistress and that it is to be abandoned now david you understand me and you know what will be the consequence if you fail to obey me to the letter i knew well better perhaps than he thought as far as my poor mother was concerned and i obeyed him to the letter i retreated to my own room no more i took refuge with no more but sat wearily in the parlor day after day looking forward to night and what irksome i sitting in the same attitude hours upon hours afraid to move an arm or a leg lest miss should complain as she did on the least pretence of my restlessness and afraid to move an eye lest it should light on some look of dislike or scrutiny that would find new cause for complaint in mine what intolerable to sit listening to the of the clock and watching miss s little shiny steel beads as she strung them and wondering whether she would ever be married and if so to what sort of unhappy man and counting the divisions in the on the chimney piece and wandering away with my eyes to the ceiling among the curls and in the paper on the wall what walks i took alone down muddy lanes in the bad winter weather carrying that parlor and mr and miss in it everywhere a monstrous load that i was obliged to bear a that there was no possibility of breaking in a weight that on my wits and them i the personal history and experience what meals i had in silence and embarrassment always feeling that there were a knife and fork too many and that mine an appetite too many and that mine a plate and chair too many and those mine a somebody too many and that i what evenings when the candles came and i was expected to employ myself but not during to read an entertaining book over some hard headed harder hearted on when the tables of and measures set themselves to tunes as or away with melancholy and wouldn t stand still	8
to be learnt but would go my grandmother s needle through my unfortunate head in at one ear and out at the other what and i into in spite of all my care what starts i came out of concealed sleeps with what answers i never got to little observations that i rarely made what a blank space i seemed which everybody overlooked and yet was in everybody s way what a heavy relief it was to hear miss hail the first stroke of nine at night and order me to bed thus the holidays away until the morning came when miss said here s the last day off and gave me the closing cup of tea of the i was not sorry to go i had into a stupid state but i was recovering a little and looking forward to mr loomed behind him again mr appeared at the gate and again miss in her warning voice said when my mother bent over me to bid me farewell i kissed her and my baby brother and was very sorry then but not sorry to go away for the gulf between us was there and the parting was there every day and it is not so much the embrace she gave me that lives in my mind though it was as fervent as could be as what followed the embrace i was in the s cart when i heard her calling to me i looked out and she stood at the garden gate alone holding her baby up in her arms for me to see it was cold still weather and not a hair of her head or a fold of her dress was stirred as she looked intently at me holding up her child so i lost her so i saw her afterwards in my sleep at school a silent presence near my bed looking at me with the same intent face holding up her baby in her arms chapter ix i have a memorable birthday i pass over all that happened at school until the of my birthday came round in march except that was more to be admired than ever i remember nothing he was going away at the end of the half year if not sooner and was more spirited and independent than before in my eyes and therefore more engaging than before but beyond this i remember nothing the great remembrance by which that time is op david marked in my mind seems to have swallowed up all lesser recollections and to exist alone it is even difficult for me to believe that there was a gap of full two months between my return to house and the arrival of that birthday i can only understand that the fact was so because i know it must have been so otherwise i should feel convinced that there was no interval and that the one occasion trod upon the other s heels how well i recollect the kind of day it was i smell the fog that hung about the place i see the frost ghostly through it i feel my hair fall on my cheek i look along the dim perspective of the with a candle here and there to light up the morning and the breath of the boys and smoking in the raw cold as they blow upon their fingers and tap their feet upon the floor it was after breakfast and we had been summoned in from the when mr sharp entered and said david is to go into the parlor i expected a from and brightened at the order some of the boys about me put in their claim not to be forgotten in the distribution of the good things as i got out of my seat with great alacrity don t hurry david said mr sharp there s time enough my boy don t hurry i might have been surprised by the feeling tone in which he spoke if i had given it a thought but i gave it none until afterwards i hurried away to the parlor and there i found mr sitting at his breakfast with the cane and a newspaper before him and mrs with an opened letter in her hand but no david said mrs leading me to a sofa and sitting down beside me i want to speak to you very particularly i have something to tell you my child mr at whom of course i looked shook his head without looking at me and stopped up a sigh with a very large piece of toast you are too young to know how the world changes every day said mrs and how the people in it pass away but we all have to learn it david some of us when we are young some of us when we are old some of us at all times of our lives i looked at her earnestly when you came away from home at the end of the said mrs after a pause were they all well after another pause was your well i trembled without distinctly knowing why and still looked at her earnestly making no attempt to answer because said she i grieve to tell you that i hear this morning your is very ill a mist arose between mrs and me and her figure seemed to move in it for an instant then i felt the burning tears run down my face and it was steady again she is very ill she added i knew all now she is dead there was no need to tell me so i had already broken out into a desolate cry and felt an orphan in the wide world the personal history and experience she was very kind to me she kept me there all day and left me alone sometimes and i cried and wore myself to sleep and awoke and cried again when i could	8
cry no more i began to think and then the oppression on my breast was heaviest and my grief a dull pain that there was no ease for and yet my thoughts were idle not intent on the calamity that weighed upon my heart but idly near it i thought of our house shut up and hushed i thought of the little baby who mrs said had been away for some time and who they believed would die too i thought of my father s grave in the churchyard by our house and of my mother lying there beneath the tree i knew so well i stood upon a chair when i was left alone and looked into the glass to see how red my eyes were and how sorrowful my face i considered after some hours were gone if my tears were really hard to flow now as they seemed to be what in with my loss it would affect me most to think of when i drew near home for i was going home to the funeral i am sensible of having felt that a dignity attached to me among the rest of the boys and that i was important in my affliction if ever child were stricken with sincere grief i was but i remember that this importance was a kind of satisfaction to me when i d in the that afternoon while the boys were in school when i saw them glancing at me out of the windows as they went up to their classes i felt distinguished and looked more melancholy and walked slower when school was over and they came out and spoke to me i felt it rather good in myself not to be proud to any of them and to take exactly the same notice of them all as before i was to go home next night not by the mail but by the heavy which was called the and was principally used by travelling short distances upon the road we had no story telling that evening and insisted on me his pillow i don t know what good he thought it would do me for i had one of my own but it was all he had to lend poor fellow except a sheet of full of and that he gave me at parting as a of my sorrows and a contribution to my peace of mind i left house upon the morrow afternoon i little thought then that i left it never to return we travelled very slowly all night and did not get into before nine or ten o clock in the morning i looked out for mr but he was not there and instead of him a fat short merry looking little old man in black with rusty little of ribbons at the knees of his breeches black stockings and a broad hat came puffing up to the coach window and said master yes sir will you come with me young sir if you please he said opening the door and i shall have the pleasure of taking you home i put my hand in his wondering who he was and we walked away to a shop in a narrow street on which was written tailor funeral c it was a close and stifling little shop full of all sorts of clothing made and including one window full of hats and we went into a little behind the shop where we found three young women at work on a of david quantity of black materials which were heaped upon the table and little bits and of which were all over the floor there was a good fire in the room and a breathless smell of warm black i did not know what the smell was then but i know now the three young women who appeared to be very industrious and comfortable raised their heads to look at me and then went on with their work at the same time there came from a across a little yard outside the window a regular sound of that kept a kind of tune eat hat eat without any well said my conductor to one of the three young women how do you get on we shall be ready by the trying on time she replied gaily without looking up don t you be afraid father mr took off his broad hat and sat down and panted he was so fat that he was obliged to some time before he could say that s right tc father said what a you do grow well i don t know how it is my dear he replied considering about it i am rather so you are such a comfortable man you see said you take things so easy no use taking em otherwise my dear said mr no indeed returned his daughter we are all pretty gay here thank heaven ain t we father i hope so my dear said mr as i have got my breath now i think i measure this young scholar would you walk into the shop master i preceded mr in compliance with his request and after showing me a roll of cloth which he said was extra and too good mourning for anything short of parents he took my various dimensions and put them down in a book while he was them he called my attention to his stock in trade and to certain fashions which he said had just come up and to certain other fashions which he said had just gone out and by that sort of thing we very often lose a little of money said mr but fashions are like human beings they come in nobody knows when why or how and they go out nobody knows when why or how everything is like life in my opinion if you look at it in that point of view	8
too but i held back and in my corner scared by their love making and though it was far from boisterous and almost wondering that no judgment came upon them for their hardness of heart so when they stopped to bait the horse and ate and drank and enjoyed themselves i could touch nothing that they touched but kept my fast unbroken so when we reached home i dropped out of the chaise behind as quickly as possible that i might not be in their company before those solemn windows looking blindly on me like closed eyes once bright and oh how little need i had had to think what would move me to tears when i came back seeing the window of my mother s room and next it that which in the better time was mine i was in s arms before i got to the door and she took me into the house her grief burst out when she first saw me but she it soon and spoke in whispers and walked softly as if the dead could be disturbed she had not been in bed i found for a she sat up at night still and watched as long as her poor dear pretty was above the ground she said she would never desert her mr took no heed of me when i went into the parlor where he was but sat by the fireside weeping silently and pondering in his elbow chair miss who was busy at her writing desk which was covered with letters and papers gave me her cold finger nails and asked me in an iron whisper if i had been measured for my mourning i said yes and your shirts said miss have you brought em home yes ma am i have brought home all my clothes the personal history and experience this was all the consolation that her firmness administered to me i do not doubt that she had a choice pleasure in exhibiting what she called her self command and her firmness and her strength of mind and her common sense and the whole catalogue of her qualities on such an occasion she was particularly proud of her turn for business and she showed it now in everything to pen and ink and being moved by nothing all the rest of that clay and from morning to night afterwards she sat at that desk scratching with a hard pen speaking in the same whisper to everybody never a muscle of her face or softening a tone of her voice or appearing with an of her dress astray her brother took a book sometimes but never read it that i saw he would open it and look at it as if he were reading but would remain for a whole horn without turning the leaf and then put it down and walk to and fro in the room i used to sit with folded hands watching him and counting his footsteps hour after hour he very seldom spoke to her and never to me he seemed to be the only restless thing except the in the whole motionless house in these days before the funeral i saw but little of except that in passing up or down stairs i always found her close to the room where my mother and her baby lay and except that she came to me every night and sat by my bed s head while i went to sleep a day or two before the burial i think it was a day or two before but i am conscious of confusion in my mind about that heavy time with nothing to mark its progress she took me into the room i only recollect that underneath some white covering on the bed with a beautiful cleanliness and freshness all around it there seemed to me to lie embodied the solemn stillness that was in the house and that when she would have turned the cover gently back i cried oh no oh no and held her hand if the funeral had been yesterday i could not recollect it better the very air of the best parlor when i went in at the door the bright condition of the fire the shining of the wine in the the patterns of the glasses and plates the faint sweet smell of cake the of miss s dress and our black clothes mr is in the room and comes to speak to me and how is master david he says kindly i cannot tell him very well i give him my hand which he holds in his dear me says mr meekly smiling with something in his eye our little friends grow up around us they grow out of our knowledge ma am this is to miss stone who makes no reply there is a great improvement here ma am says mr miss merely answers with a frown and a formal bend mr goes into a corner keeping me with him and opens his mouth no more i remark this because i remark everything that happens not because i care about myself or have done since i came home and now the bell begins to sound and mr and another come to make us ready as was wont to tell me long ago the followers of my father to the same grave were made ready in the same room there are mr our neighbour mr mi of david when we go out to the door the and their load are in the garden and they move before us down the path and past the elms and through the gate and into the church yard where i have so often heard the birds sing on a summer morning we stand around the grave the day seems different to me from every other day and the light not of the same color of a color now there is	8
put it as she asked and oh the time had come when my first parting words to you were true when she was glad to lay her poor head on her stupid cross old s arm and she died like a child that had gone to sleep thus ended s from the moment of my knowing of the death of my mother the idea of her as she had been of late had vanished from me i remembered her from that instant only as the young mother of my earliest impressions who had been used to wind her bright curls round and round her finger and to dance with me at twilight in the parlor what had told me now was so far from bringing me back to the later period that it rooted the earlier image in my mind it may be curious but it is true in her death she winged her way back to her calm youth and all the rest the mother who lay in the grave was the mother of my infancy the little creature in her arms was myself as i had once been hushed for ever on her bosom of david chapter x i become neglected and am provided for the first act of business miss performed when the day of the solemnity was over and light was freely admitted into the house was to give a month s warning much as would have disliked such a service i believe she would have retained it for my sake in preference to the best upon earth she told me we must part and told me why and we with one another in all sincerity as to me or my future not a word was said or a step taken happy they would have been i dare say if they could have dismissed me at a month s warning too i courage once to ask miss when i was going back to school and she answered she believed i was not going back at all i was told nothing more i was very anxious to know what was going to be done with me and so was but neither she nor i could pick up any information on the subject there was one change in my condition which while it relieved me of a great deal of present uneasiness might have made me if i had been capable of considering it closely yet more uncomfortable about the future it was this the that had been put upon me was quite abandoned i was so far from being required to keep my dull post in the parlor that on several occasions when i took my seat there miss frowned to me to go away i was so far from being warned off from s society that provided i was not in mr s i was never sought out or inquired for at first i was in daily dread of his taking my education in hand again or of miss s herself to it but i soon began to think that such fears were and that all i had to anticipate was neglect i do not conceive that this discovery gave me much pain then i was still giddy with the shock of my mother s death and in a kind of stunned state as to all things i can recollect indeed to have at odd times on the possibility of my not being taught any more or cared for any more and growing up to be a shabby moody man lounging an idle life away about the village as well as on the of my getting rid of this picture by going away somewhere like the hero in a story to seek my fortune but these were transient visions day dreams i sat looking at sometimes as if they were faintly painted or written on the wall of my room and which as they melted away left the wall blank again i said in a thoughtful whisper one evening when i was warming my hands at the kitchen fire mr likes me less than he used to he never liked me much but he would rather not even see me now if he can help it perhaps it s his sorrow said my hair i am sure i am sorry too if i believed it was his sorrow i should not think of it at all but it s not that oh no it s not that h the personal history and experience how do you know it s not that said after a silence oh his sorrow is another and quite a different thing he is sorry at this moment sitting by the fireside with miss but if i was to go in he would be something besides what would he be said angry i answered with an involuntary imitation of his dark frown if he was only sorry he wouldn t look at me as he does i am only sorry and it makes me feel kinder said nothing for a little while and i warmed my hands as silent as she she said at length yes i have tried my dear all ways i could think of all the ways there are and all the ways there ain t in short to get a suitable service here in but there s no such a thing my love and what do you mean to do says i wistfully do you mean to go and seek your fortune i expect i shall be forced to go to replied and live there you might have gone farther off i said brightening a little and been as bad as lost i shall see you sometimes my dear old there you won t be quite at the other end of the world will you contrary ways please god cried with great animation as long as you are here my pet i shall come	8
over every week of my life to see you one day every week of my life i felt a great weight taken off my mind by this promise but even this was not all for went on to say going you see to my brother s first for another fortnight s visit just till i have had time to look about me and get to be something like myself again now i have been thinking that perhaps as they don t want you here at present you might be let to go along with me if anything short of being in a different relation to every one about me could have given me a sense of pleasure at that time it would have been this project of all others the idea of being again surrounded by those honest faces shining welcome on me of the of the sweet sunday morning when the bells were ringing the stones dropping in the water and the shadowy ships breaking through the mist of up and down with little em ly telling her my troubles and finding charms against them in the shells and pebbles on the beach made a calm in my heart it was ruffled next moment to be sure by a doubt of miss s giving her consent but even that was set at rest soon for she came out to take an evening in the store closet while we were yet in conversation and with a boldness that amazed me the topic on the spot the boy will be idle there said miss looking into a jar and idleness is the root of all evil but to be sure he would be idle here or anywhere in my opinion had an angry answer ready i could see but she swallowed it for my sake and remained silent said miss still keeping her eye on the of david it is of more importance anything else it is of importance that my brother should not be disturbed or made uncomfortable suppose i had better say yes i thanked her without making any demonstration of joy lest it should induce her to withdraw her assent nor could i help thinking this a prudent course when she looked at me out of the jar with as great an access of as if her black eyes had absorbed its contents however the permission was given and was never for when the month was out and i were ready to depart mr came into the house for s boxes i had never known him to pass the garden gate before but on this occasion he came into the house and he gave me a look as he shouldered the largest box and went out which i thought had meaning in it if meaning could ever be said to find its way into mr s was naturally in low spirits at leaving what had been her home so many years and where the two strong of her life for my mother and myself had been formed she had been walking in the churchyard too very early and she got into the cart and sat in it with her handkerchief at her eyes so long as she remained in this condition mr gave no sign of life whatever he sat in his usual place and attitude like a great stuffed figure but when she began to look about her and to speak to me he nodded his head and grinned several times i have not the least notion at whom or what he meant by it it s a beautiful day mr i said as an act of politeness it ain t bad said mr who generally qualified his speech and rarely committed himself is quite comfortable now mr i remarked for his satisfaction is she though said mr after reflecting about it with a sagacious air mr eyed her and said are you pretty comfortable laughed and answered in the affirmative but really and truly you know are you growled mr sliding nearer to her on the seat and her with his elbow are you really and truly pretty comfortable are you eh at each of these inquiries mr nearer to her and gave her another so that at last we were all crowded together in the left hand corner of the cart and i was so squeezed that i could hardly bear it calling his attention to my sufferings mr gave me a little more room at once and got away by degrees but i could not help observing that he seemed to think he had hit upon a wonderful expedient for expressing himself in a neat agreeable and pointed manner without the inconvenience of conversation he chuckled over it for some time by and by he turned to again and repeating are you pretty comfortable though bore down upon us as before until the breath was nearly out of my body by and by he made another descent upon us with the same inquiry and the same result at length i got up whenever i saw him h the personal history and experience coming and standing on the pretended to look at the prospect after which i did very well he was so polite as to stop at a public house expressly on our account and entertain us with mutton and beer even when was in the act of drinking he was seized with one of those approaches and almost choked her but as we drew nearer to the end of our journey he had more to do and less time for gallantry and when we got on pavement we were all too much shaken and i apprehend to have any leisure for any thing else mr and ham waited for us at the old place they received me and in an affectionate manner and shook hands with mr who with his hat on the very back of his	8
be done by somebody else dan l said mrs i m a lone myself and that reminds me of s that ain t lone and goes with me come old cried mr take and heave it no dan l returned mrs and shaking her head if i felt less i could do more you don t feel like me dan l thinks don t go with you nor you with them you had better do it yourself but here who had been going about from one to another in a hurried way kissing everybody called out from the cart in which we all were by this time em ly and i on two little chairs side by side that mrs must do it so mrs did it and i am sorry to relate cast a damp upon the character of our departure by immediately bursting into tears and sinking subdued into the arms of ham with the declaration that she she was a burden and had better be carried to the house at once which i really thought was a sensible idea that ham might have acted on away we went however on our holiday excursion and the first thing we did was to stop at a church where mr tied the horse to some rails and went in with leaving little em ly and me alone in the chaise i took that occasion to put my arm round em ly s waist and propose that as i was going away so very soon now we should determine to be very affectionate to one another and very happy all day little em ly and allowing me to kiss her i became desperate informing her i recollect that i never could love another and that i was prepared to shed the blood of anybody who should to her affections how merry little em ly made herself about it with what a assumption of being immensely older and wiser than i the fairy little woman said i was a silly boy and then laughed so that i forgot the pain of being called by that name in the pleasure of looking at her mr and were a good while in the church but came out at last and then we drove away into the country as we were going along mr turned to me and said with a wink by the by i should hardly have thought before that he could wink what name was it as i wrote up in the cart the personal history and experience i answered what name would it be as i should write up now if there was a here again i suggested he returned and burst into a roar of laughter that shook the chaise in a word they were married and had gone into the church for no other purpose was resolved that it should be quietly done and the clerk had given her away and there had been no witnesses of the ceremony she was a little confused when mr made this abrupt announcement of their union and could not me enough in token of her but she soon became herself again and said she was very glad it was over we drove to a little inn in a bye road where we were expected and where we had a very comfortable dinner and passed the day with great satisfaction if had been married every day for the last ten years she could hardly have been more at her ease about it it made no sort of difference in her she was just the same as ever and went out for a stroll with little em ly and me before tea while mi smoked his pipe and enjoyed himself i suppose with the contemplation of his happiness if so it sharpened his appetite for i distinctly call to mind that although he had eaten a good deal of pork and at dinner and had finished off with a fowl or two ne was obliged to have cold boiled bacon for tea and disposed of a large quantity without any emotion i have often thought since what an odd innocent out of the way kind of wedding it must have been we got into the chaise again soon after dark and drove back looking up at the stars and talking about them i was their chief and opened mr s mind to an amazing extent i told him all i knew but he would have believed anything i might have taken it into my head to impart to him for he had a profound veneration for my abilities and informed his wife in my hearing on that very occasion that i was a young by which i think he meant when we had exhausted the subject of the stars or rather when i had exhausted the mental faculties of mr little em ly and i made a cloak of an old and sat under it for the rest of the journey ah how i loved her what happiness i thought if we were married and were going away anywhere to live among the trees and in the fields never growing older never growing wiser children ever rambling hand in hand through sunshine and among meadows laying down our heads on moss at night in a sweet sleep of purity and peace and buried by the birds when we were dead some such picture with no real world in it bright with the light of our innocence and vague as the stars afar off was in my mind all the way i am glad to think there were two such hearts at s marriage as little em ly s and mine i am glad to think the loves and graces took such airy forms in its homely procession well we came to the old boat again in good time at night and there mr and mrs bade us good bye and drove away	8
to home i felt then for the first time that i had lost i should have gone to bed with a sore heart indeed under any other roof but that which sheltered little em ly s head of david mr and ham knew what was in my thoughts as well as i did and were ready with some supper and their hospitable faces to drive it away little em ly came and sat beside me on the for the only time in all that visit and it was altogether a wonderful close to a wonderful day it was a night tide and soon after we went to bed mi and ham went out to fish i felt very brave at being left alone in the solitary house the protector of em ly and mrs and only wished that a lion or a serpent or any ill disposed monster would make an attack upon us that i might destroy him and cover myself with glory but as nothing of the sort happened to be walking about on that night i provided the best substitute i could by dreaming of until morning with morning came who called to me as usual under my window as if mr the had been from first to last a dream too after breakfast she took me to her own home and a beautiful little home it was of all the in it i must have been most impressed by a certain old of some dark wood in the parlor the tile kitchen was the general sitting room with a retreating top which opened let down and became a desk within which was a large edition of s book of this precious volume of which i do not recollect o e word i immediately discovered and immediately applied myself to and i never visited the house afterwards but i on a chair opened the where this was spread my arms over the desk and fell to devouring the book afresh i was chiefly i am afraid by the pictures which were numerous and represented all kinds of dismal horrors but the and s house have been inseparable in my mind ever since and are now i took leave of mr and ham and mrs and little em ly that day and passed the night at s in a little room in the roof with the book on a shelf by the bed s head which was to be always mine said and should always be kept for me in exactly the same state young or old dear as long as i am alive and have this house over my head said you shall find it as if i expected you here directly minute i shall keep it every day as i used to keep your old little room my and if you was to go to china you might think of it as being kept just the same all the time you were away i felt the truth and constancy of my dear old nurse with all my heart and thanked her as well as i could that was not very well for she spoke to me thus with her arms round my neck in the morning and i was going home in the morning and i went home in the morning with herself and mr in the cart they left me at the gate not easily or lightly and it was a strange sight to me to see the cart go on taking away and leaving me under the old elm trees looking at the house in which there was no face to look on mine with love or liking any more and now i fell into a state of neglect which i cannot look back upon without compassion i fell at once into a solitary condition apart from all friendly notice apart from the society of all other boys of my own age the personal history and experience apart from all companionship but my own thoughts which seems to cast its gloom upon this paper as i write what would i have given to have been sent to the hardest school that ever was kept to have been taught something anyhow anywhere no such hope dawned upon me they disliked me and they sullenly sternly steadily overlooked me i think mr s means were at about this time but it is little to the purpose he could not bear me and in putting me from him he tried as i believe to put away the notion that i had any claim upon him and succeeded i was not ill used i was not beaten or starved but the wrong that was done to me had no intervals of and was done in a manner day after day week after week month after month i was coldly neglected i wonder sometimes when i think of it what they would have done if i had been taken with an illness whether i should have lain down in my lonely room and through it in my usual solitary way or whether anybody would have helped me out when mr and miss were at home i took my meals with them in their absence i ate and drank by myself at all times i about the house and neighbourhood quite disregarded except that they were jealous of my making any friends thinking perhaps that if i did i might complain to some one for this reason though mr often asked me to go and see him he was a having some years before that lost a little small light haired wife whom i can just remember connecting in my own thoughts with a pale shell cat it was but seldom that i enjoyed the happiness of passing an afternoon in his closet of a reading some book that was new to me with the smell of the whole coming up my nose or something in	8
a mortar under his mild directions for the same reason added no doubt to the old dislike of her i was seldom allowed to visit faithful to her promise she either came to see me or met me somewhere near once every week and never empty handed but many and bitter were the disappointments i had in being refused permission to pay a visit to her at her house some few times however at long intervals i was allowed to go there and then i found out that mr was something of a or as expressed it was a little near and kept a heap of money in a box under his bed which he pretended was only full of coats and trousers in this his riches hid themselves with such a modesty that the smallest could only be tempted out by so that had to prepare a long and elaborate scheme a very plot for every saturday s expenses all this time i was so conscious of the waste of any promise i had given and of my being utterly neglected that i should have been perfectly miserable i have no doubt but for the old books they were my only comfort and i was as true to them as they were to me and read them over and over i don t know how many times more i now approach a period of my life which i can never lose the remembrance of while i remember any thing and the recollection of which has often without my come before me like a ghost and haunted happier times of david i had been out one day somewhere in the meditative manner that my way of life when turning the corner of a lane near our house i came upon mr walking with a gentleman i was confused and was going by them when the gentleman cried what i no sir david i said don t tell me you are said the gentleman you are of that s your name at these words i observed the gentleman more attentively his laugh coming to my remembrance too i knew him to be mr whom i had gone over to with mr to see before it is no matter i need not recall when and how do you get on and where are you being educated said mr he had put his hand upon my shoulder and turned me about to walk with them i did not know what to reply and glanced at mr he is at home at present said the latter he is not being educated anywhere i don t know what to do with him he is a difficult subject that old double look was on me for a moment and then his eye darkened with a frown as it turned in its aversion elsewhere said mr looking at us both i thought weather silence ensued and i was considering how i could best my shoulder from his hand and go away when he said i suppose you are a pretty sharp fellow still eh aye he is sharp enough said mr impatiently you had better let him go he will not thank you for troubling him on this hint mr released me and i made the best of my way home looking back as i turned into the front garden i saw mr leaning against the of the churchyard and mr talking to him they were both looking after me and i felt that they were speaking of me mr lay at our house that night after breakfast the next morning i had put my chair away and was going out of the room when mr called me back he then gravely repaired to another table where his sister sat herself at her desk mr with his hands in his pockets stood looking out of window and i stood looking at them all david said mr to the young this is a world for action not for and in as you do added his sister jane leave it to me if you please i say david to the young this is a world for action and not for and in it is especially so for a young boy of your disposition which requires a great deal of and to which no greater service can be done than to force it to to the ways of the working world and to bend it and break it for won t do here said his sister what it wants is to be crushed and crushed it must be shall be too the personal history and experience he gave her a look half in remonstrance half in approval and went on i suppose yon know david that i am not rich at any rate you know it now you have received some considerable education already education is costly and even if it were not and i could afford it i am of opinion that it would not be at all advantageous to you to be kept at a school what is before you is a fight with the world and the sooner you begin it the better i think it occurred to me that i had already begun it in my poor way but it occurs to me now whether or no you have heard the counting house mentioned sometimes said mr stone the counting house sir i repeated of and in the wine trade he replied i suppose i looked uncertain for he went on hastily you have heard the counting house mentioned or the business or the or the wharf or something about it i think i have heard the business mentioned sir i said remembering what i vaguely knew of his and his sister s resources but i don t know when it does not matter when he returned mr that business i glanced at the latter as he stood looking out of window mr	8
suggests that it gives employment to some other boys and that he sees no reason why it shouldn t on the same terms give employment to you he having mr observed in a low voice and half turning round no other prospect mr with an impatient even an angry gesture resumed without noticing what he had said those terms are that you will earn enough for yourself to provide for your eating and drinking and pocket money your lodging which i have arranged for will be paid by me so will your washing which will be kept down to my estimate said his sister your clothes will be looked after for you too said mr as you will not be able yet awhile to get them for yourself so you are now going to london david with mr to begin the world on your own account in short you are provided for observed his sister and will please to do your duty though i quite understood that the purpose of this announcement was to get rid of me i have no distinct remembrance whether it pleased or frightened me my impression is that i was in a state of confusion about it and between the two points touched neither nor had i much time for the clearing of my thoughts as mr was to go upon the morrow behold me on the morrow in a much worn little white hat with a black round it for my mother a black jacket and a pair of hard stiff trousers which miss considered the best for the legs in that fight with the world which was now to come off behold me so attired and with my little worldly all before me in a small trunk sitting a lone child as mrs might have said in the post of david ill chaise that was carrying mr to the london coach at see how our house and church are in the distance how the grave beneath the tree is blotted out by intervening objects how the spire points upward from my old no more and the sky is empty xi i begin life on my own account and don t like it i know enough of the world now to have almost lost the capacity of being much surprised by anything but it is matter of some surprise to me even now that i can have been so easily thrown away at such an age a child of excellent abilities and with strong powers of observation quick eager delicate and soon hurt bodily or mentally it seems wonderful to me that nobody should have made any sign in my behalf but none was made and i became at ten years old a little hind in the service of and and s was at the water side it was down in modern improvements have altered the place but it was the last house at the bottom of a narrow street down hill to the river with some stairs at the end where people took boat it was a crazy old house with a wharf of its own on the water when the tide was in and on the mud when the tide was out and literally with rats its rooms with the dirt and smoke of a hundred years i dare say its floors and staircase the and of the old grey rats down in the and the dirt and of the place are things not of many years ago in my mind but of the present instant they are all before me just as they were in the evil hour when i went among them for the first time with my trembling hand in mr s and s trade was among a good many kinds of people but an important branch of it was the supply of and spirits to certain packet ships i forget now where they chiefly went but i think there were some among them that made voyages both to the east and west indies i know that a great many empty bottles were one of the consequences of this traffic and that certain men and boys were employed to examine them against the light and reject those that were and to and wash them when the empty bottles ran short there were to be on full ones or to be fitted to them or to be put upon the or finished bottles to be packed in all this work was my work and of the boys employed upon it i was one there were three or four of us counting me my working place was established in a corner of the where mr could see me when he chose to stand up on the bottom rail of his stool in the counting house and look at me through a window above the desk the personal history and experience hither on the first morning of my so beginning life on my own account the oldest of the regular boys was summoned to show me my business his name was and he wore a ragged apron and a paper cap he informed me that his father was a and walked in a black velvet head dress in the lord mayor s show he also informed me that our principal associate would be another boy whom he introduced by the to me extraordinary name of potatoes i discovered however that this youth had not been by name but that it had been bestowed upon him in the on account of his complexion which was pale or s father was a who had the additional distinction of being a and was engaged as such at one of the large theatres where some young relation of s i think his little sister did in the no words can express the secret agony of my soul as i sunk into this companionship compared these henceforth every day associates	8
with those of my happier childhood not to say with and the rest of those boys and felt my hopes of growing up to be a learned and distinguished man crushed in my bosom the deep remembrance of the sense i had of being utterly without hope now of the shame i felt in my position of the misery it was to my young heart to believe that day by day what i had learned and thought and delighted in and raised my fancy and my up by would pass away from me little by little never to be brought back any more cannot be written as often as went away in the course of that i mingled my tears with the water in which i was washing the bottles and sobbed as if there were a flaw in my own breast and it were in danger of bursting the counting house clock was at half past twelve and there was general preparation for going to dinner when mr tapped at the counting house window and beckoned to me to go in i went in and found there a middle aged person in a brown and black and shoes with no more hair upon his head which was a large one and very shining than there is upon an egg and with a very extensive face which he turned full upon me his clothes were shabby but he had an imposing shirt collar on he carried a sort of a stick with a large pair of rusty to it and a glass hung outside his coat for ornament i afterwards found as he very seldom looked through it and couldn t see anything when he did this said mr in allusion to myself is he this said the stranger with a certain roll in his voice and a certain indescribable air of doing something genteel which impressed me very much is master i hope i see you well sir i said t was very well and hoped he was i was sufficiently ill at ease heaven knows but it was not in my nature to complain much at that time of my life so i said i was very well and hoped he was i am said the stranger thank heaven quite well i have received a letter from mr in which he that he would desire me to receive into an apartment in the rear of my house which is at present and is in short to be let as a in short said the stranger with a smile and in a burst of confidence as a bed room the young whom i have now the pleasure to and the stranger waved his hand and settled his chin in his shirt collar or david this is mr said mr to me said the stranger that is my name mr said mr is known to mr he takes orders for us on commission when he can get any he has been written to by mr on the subject of your lodgings and he will receive you as a m my address said mr is terrace city i in short said mr with the same genteel air and in another burst of confidence i live there i made him a bow under the impression said mr that your in this metropolis have not as yet been extensive and that you might have some difficulty in penetrating the of the modern in the direction of the city in short said mr in another burst of confidence that you might lose yourself i shall be happy to call this evening and you in the knowledge of the nearest way i thanked him with all my heart for it was friendly in him to offer that trouble at what hour said mr shall i at about eight said mr at about eight said mr i beg to wish you good day r mr i will intrude no longer so he put on his hat and went out with his cane under his arm very upright and humming a tune when he was clear of the counting house mr then formally engaged me to be as useful as i could in the of and at a salary i think of six shillings a week i am not clear whether it was six or seven i am believe from my uncertainty on this head that it was six at first and seven afterwards he paid me a week down from his own pocket i believe and i gave sixpence out of it to get my trunk carried to terrace at night it being too heavy for my strength small as it was i paid sixpence more for my dinner which was a meat pie and a turn at a neighbouring pump and passed the hour which was allowed for that meal in walking about the streets at the appointed time in the evening mr reappeared i washed my hands and face to do the greater honour to his and we walked to our house as i suppose i must now call it together mr the names of streets and the shapes of corner houses upon me as we went along that i might find my way back easily in the morning arrived at his house in terrace which i noticed was himself but also like himself made all the show it could he presented me to mrs a thin and faded lady not at all young who was sitting in the parlor the first floor was altogether and the blinds were kept down to the neighbours with a baby at her breast this baby was one of and i may remark here that i hardly ever in all my experience of the family saw both the detached from mrs at the same time one of them was always taking refreshment there were two other children	8
master aged about four and miss aged about three these and a dark the personal history and experience young woman with a habit of who was servant to the family and informed me before half an hour had expired that she was a and came from st s in the neighbourhood completed the establishment my room was at the top of the house at the back a close chamber all over with an ornament which my young imagination represented as a blue and very furnished i never thought said mrs when she came up twin and all to show me the apartment and sat down to take breath before i was married when i lived with papa and that i should ever find it necessary to take a but mr being in difficulties all considerations of private feeling must give way i said yes ma am mr s difficulties are almost overwhelming just at present said mrs and whether it is possible to bring him through them i don t know when i lived at home with papa and i really should have hardly understood what the word meant in the sense in which i now employ it but does it as papa used to say i cannot satisfy myself whether she told me that mr had been an officer in the or whether i have imagined it i only know that i believe to this hour that he was in the once upon a time without knowing why he was a sort of town traveller for a number of miscellaneous houses now but made little or nothing of it i am afraid if mr s will not give him time said mrs they must take the consequences and the sooner they bring it to an issue the better blood cannot be obtained from a stone neither can anything on account be obtained at present not to mention law expenses from mr i never can quite understand whether my self dependence confused mrs in reference to my age or whether she was so full of the subject that she would have talked about it to the very if there had been nobody else to communicate with but this was the strain in which she began and she went on accordingly all the time i knew her poor mrs she said she had tried to exert herself and so i have no doubt she had the centre of the street door was perfectly covered with a great brass plate on which was engraved mrs s boarding establishment for young ladies but i never found that any young lady had ever been to school there or that any young lady ever came or proposed to come or that the least preparation was ever made to receive any young lady the only visitors i ever saw or heard of were they used to come at all hours and some of them were quite ferocious one dirty faced man i think he was a used to edge himself into the passage as early as seven o clock in the morning and call up the stairs to mr come you ain t out yet you know pay us will you don t hide you know that s mean i wouldn t be mean if i was you pay us mil you you just pay us d ye hear come no answer to these he would mount in his wrath to the words and robbers and these being ineffectual too would sometimes go to the extremity of crossing the street and roaring up at the windows of the second floor where he knew mr was at these times mr would be transported with grief and mortification even to the length as i was once of david made aware by a scream from his wife of making motions at himself with a but within half an hour afterwards he would polish up his shoes with extraordinary pains and go out humming a tune with a greater air of than ever mrs was quite as elastic i have known her to be thrown into fainting by the king s taxes at three o clock and to eat lamb and drink warm ale paid for with two that had gone to the s at four on one occasion when an execution had just been put in coming home through some chance as early as six o clock i saw her lying of course with a twin under the grate in a with her hair all torn about her face but i never knew her more cheerful than she was that very same night over a before the kitchen fire telling me stories about her papa and and the company they used to keep in this house and with this family i passed my leisure time my own exclusive breakfast of a penny loaf and a of milk i provided myself i kept another small loaf and a of cheese on a particular shelf of a particular cupboard to make my supper on when i came back at night this made a hole in the six or seven shillings i know well and i was out at the all day and had to support myself on that money all the week from monday morning until saturday night i had no advice no counsel no encouragement no consolation no assistance no support of any kind from any one that i can call to mind as i hope to go to heaven i was so young and childish and so little qualified how could i be otherwise to undertake the whole charge of my own existence that often in going to and s of a morning i could not resist the stale put out for sale at half price at the s doors and spent in that the money i should have kept for my dinner then t went without my dinner or bought a roll or	8
a of i remember two shops between which i was divided according to my one was in a court close to st martin s church at the back of the church which is now removed altogether the at that shop was made of and was rather a special but was dear not being larger than a of more ordinary a good shop for the latter was in the strand somewhere in that part which has been since it was a stout pale heavy and and with great flat in it stuck in whole at wide distances apart it came up hot at about my time every day and many a day did i dine off it when i dined regularly and handsomely i had a and a penny loaf or a plate of red beef from a cook s shop or a plate of bread and cheese and a glass of beer from a miserable old public house opposite our place of business called the lion or the lion and something else that i have forgotten once i remember carrying my own bread which i had brought from home in the morning under my arm wrapped in a piece of paper like a book and going to a famous beef house near lane and ordering a small plate of that delicacy to eat with it what the waiter thought of such a strange little apparition coming in all alone i don t know but i can see him now staring at me as i ate my dinner and bringing up the other waiter to look i gave him a for himself and i wish he hadn t taken it i the personal history and experience we had half an hour i think for tea when i had money enough i used to get half a pint of ready made coffee and a of bread and butter when i had none i used to look at a shop in or i have strolled at such a time as far as garden market and stared at the pine apples i was fond of wandering about the because it was a mysterious place with those dark arches i see myself emerging one evening from some of these arches on a little public house close to the river with an open space before it where some coal were dancing to look at whom i sat down upon a bench i wonder what they thought of me i was such a child and so little that frequently when i went into the bar of a strange public house for a glass of ale or porter to what i had had for dinner they were afraid to give it me i remember one hot evening i went into the bar of a public house and said to the landlord what is your best your very best ale a glass for it was a special occasion i don t know what it may have been my birth day says the landlord is the price of the genuine ale then says i producing the money just draw me a glass of the genuine if you please with a good head to it the landlord looked at me in return over the bar from head to foot with a strange smile on his face and instead of drawing the beer looked round the screen and said something to his wife she came out from behind it with her work in her hand and joined him in surveying me here we stand all three before me now the landlord in his shirt sleeves leaning against the bar window frame his wife looking over the little half door and i in some confusion looking up at them from outside the they asked me a good many questions as what my name was how old i was where i lived how i was employed and how i came there to all of which that i might commit nobody i invented i am afraid appropriate answers they served me with the ale though i suspect it was not the genuine and the landlord s wife opening the little half door of the bar and bending down gave me my money back and gave me a kiss that was half admiring and half compassionate but all womanly and good i am sure i know i do not unconsciously and the of my resources or the difficulties of my life i know that if a shilling were given me by mr at any time i spent it in a dinner or a tea i know that i worked from morning until night with common men and boys a shabby child i know that i about the streets and fed i know that but for the mercy of god i might easily have been for any care that was taken of me a little robber or a little vagabond yet i held some station at and s too besides that mr q did what a careless man so occupied and dealing with a thing so could to treat me as one upon a different footing from the rest i never said to man or boy how it was that i came to be there or gave the least indication of being sorry that i was there that i suffered in secret and that i suffered exquisitely no one ever knew but i how much i suffered it is as i have said already utterly beyond my power to tell but i kept my own counsel and i did my work i knew of david from the first that if i could not do my work as well as any of the rest i could not hold myself above slight and contempt i soon became at least as and as skilful as either of the other boys though perfectly familiar with them my conduct and manner were different enough from theirs to	8
place a space between us they and the men generally spoke of me as the little or the young a certain man named who was of the and another named who was the and wore a red jacket used to address me sometimes as david but i think it was mostly when we were very confidential and when i had made some efforts to entertain them over our work with some results of the old which were fast out of my remembrance potatoes once and against my being so distinguished but settled him in no time my rescue from this kind of existence i considered quite hopeless and abandoned as such altogether i am solemnly convinced that i never for one hour was reconciled to it or was otherwise than miserably unhappy but i bore it and even to partly for the love of her and partly for shame never in any letter though many passed between us revealed the truth mr s difficulties were an addition to the distressed state of my mind in my forlorn state i became quite attached to the family and used to walk about busy with mrs s calculations of ways and means and heavy with the weight of mr s debts on a saturday night which was my grand treat partly because it was a great thing to walk home with six or seven shillings in my pocket looking into the shops and thinking what such a sum would buy and partly because i went home early mrs would make the most heart confidences to me also on a sunday morning when i mixed the portion of tea or coffee i had bought over night in a little pot and sat late at my breakfast it was nothing at all unusual for mr to sob violently at the beginning of one of these saturday night conversations and sing about jack s delight being his lovely towards the end of it i have known him come home to supper with a flood of tears and a declaration that nothing was now left but a jail and go to bed making a calculation of the expense of putting bow windows to the house in case anything turned up which was his favourite expression and mrs was just the same a curious equality of friendship i suppose in our respective circumstances sprung up between me and these people notwithstanding the ludicrous in our years but i never allowed myself to be prevailed upon to accept any invitation to eat and drink with them out of their stock knowing that they got on badly with the butcher and baker and had often not too much for themselves until mrs took me into her entire confidence this she did one evening as follows master said mrs i make no stranger of you and therefore do not hesitate to say that mr s difficulties are coming to a crisis it made me very miserable to hear it and i looked at mrs s red eyes with the utmost sympathy with the exception of the heel of a dutch cheese which is not adapted to the wants of a young family said mrs there is really not the personal history and experience a scrap of anything in the i was accustomed to speak of the when i lived with papa and and i use the word almost unconsciously what i mean to express is that there is nothing to eat in the house dear me i said in great concern i had two or three shillings of my week s money in my pocket from which i presume that it must have been on a wednesday night when we held this conversation and i hastily produced them and with emotion begged mrs to accept of them as a loan but that lady kissing me and making me put them back in my pocket replied that she couldn t think of it no my dear master said she far be it from my thoughts but you have a discretion beyond your years and can render me another kind of service if you will and a service i will accept of i begged mrs to name it i have parted with the plate myself said mrs six tea two salt and a pair of i have at different times borrowed money on in secret with my own hands but the are a great tie and to me with my recollections of papa and these transactions are very painful there are still a few trifles that we could part with mr s feelings would never allow him to dispose of them and this was the girl from the being of a vulgar mind would take painful liberties if so much confidence was in her master if i might ask you i understood mrs now and begged her to make use of me to any extent i began to dispose of the more articles of property that very evening and went out on a similar expedition almost every morning before i went to and s mr had a few books on a little which he called the library and those went first i carried them one after another to a in the city one part of which near our house was almost all and bird shops then and sold them for whatever they would bring the keeper of this who lived in a little house behind it used to get every night and to be violently by his wife every morning more than once when i went there early i had audience of him in a turn up with a cut in his forehead or a black eye bearing witness to his over night i am afraid he in his drink and he with a shaking hand endeavouring to find the needful shillings in one or other of the pockets of his clothes	8

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