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worthy reader is doubtless like the great and good peter himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be by details of stolen horses broken heads and all the other catalogue of heart that dis these border wars but if he should indulge in such expectations it is a proof that he is but little in the ways of to convince him of which i his serious attention to my next chapter wherein i will show that peter has already committed a great error in politics and by a peace has materially the tranquillity of the province chap iii containing various speculations on war and showing that a treaty of peace is a great national evil it was the opinion of that poetical philosopher that war was the original state of man whom he described as being a savage beast of prey engaged in a constant state of hostility with his own species and that this ferocious spirit was tamed and by society the same opinion has been by the learned nor have there been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend it for my part though fond of these valuable speculations so complimentary to human nature yet in this instance i am inclined to take the proposition by part i chap history of believing with that though war may hare been originally the favourite amusement and industrious employment of our yet like many other excellent habits so far from being it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and civilization and in exact proportion as we approach towards that state of perfection which is the ne of modern philosophy the first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical force by weapons his arm was his his fist was his and a broken head the catastrophe of his the battle of strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and clubs and war assumed a aspect as man advanced in refinement as his faculties expanded and his became more exquisite he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of his fellow beings he invented a thousand devices to defend and to assault the the and the the sword the dart and the prepared him to the wound as well as to the blow still urging on in the brilliant and career of invention he and his powers of defence and injury the the the and the give a horror and to war and its glory by increasing its desolation still though armed with machinery that seemed to reach the limits of destructive invention and to yield a power of injury even with the desires of revenge still deeper must be made in the with furious zeal he into the ac et post hot sat l i s new york of the earth he toils midst poisonous and deadly the sublime discovery of the world and finally the dreadful art of fighting by seems to the demon of war and this indeed is grand this indeed marks the powers of mind and that divine of reason which us from the animals our the brutes content themselves the native force which providence has assigned them the angry bull with his horns as did his before him the lion the and the tiger seek only with their and their to gratify their fury and even the subtle serpent the same and uses the same as did his before the flood man alone blessed with the mind goes on from discovery to discovery and his powers of destruction the tremendous weapons of deity itself and tasks creation to assist him in his brother worm in proportion as the art of war has increased in has the art of preserving peace advanced in equal and as we have discovered in this age of wonders and inventions that is the most formidable engine in war so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode of maintaining peace by perpetual a treaty or to speak more correctly a therefore according to the of experienced learned in these matters is no longer an attempt to accommodate differences to ascertain rights and to establish an exchange of kind offices but a contest of skill between two powers which shall and take in the other it is a cunning endeavour to obtain by peaceful and the of those advantages which a nation would otherwise have v history of by force of arms in the manner that a conscientious and becomes an excellent and praise worthy citizen himself with his neighbour out of that property he would formerly have seized with open violence in fact the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of perfect is a is open and a treaty then as there are no entered into no bonds to restrain the will no specific limits to awaken that jealousy of right in our nature as each party has some advantage to hope and expect from the other then it is that the two nations are so gracious and friendly to each other their ministers the highest mutual regard exchanging making fine speeches and indulging in all those little and that do so the good humour of the respective nations thus it may be said that there is never so good an understanding between two nations as when there is a little misunderstanding and that so long as they are on no terms they are on the best terms in the world i do not by any means pretend to claim the merit of having made the above political discovery it has in fact long been secretly acted upon by certain enlightened and is together with divers other notable theories privately copied out of the commonplace book of an illustrious gentleman who has been member of and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of heads of department to this principle may be ascribed	48
the wonderful ingenuity that has been shown of late years in and interrupting hence the cunning measure of as some political skilled in and and in the art of argument or some whose errors and may be a plea for new york refusing to his engagements and hence too that most notable expedient so popular with our government of sending out a brace of who each an individual will to consult character to establish and interest to promote you may as well look for and between two lovers with one mistress two dogs with one bone or two naked with one pair of breeches this therefore is continually n breeding and in consequence of which the goes on inasmuch as there is no prospect of its ever coming to a close nothing is lost by these and obstacles but time and in a according to the theory i have exposed all time lost is in reality so much time gained with what delightful does modern political economy abound now all that i have here advanced is so true that i almost blush to take up the time of my readers with treating of matters which must many a time have stared them in the face but the proposition to which i would most earnestly call their attention is this that though a be the most of all national transactions yet a treaty of peace is a great political evil and one of the most fruitful sources of war i have rarely seen an instance of any special contract between individuals that did not produce and often downright between them nor did i ever know of a treaty between two nations that did not occasion continual how many worthy country neighbours have i known who after living in peace and good fellowship for years have been thrown into a state of distrust and by some ill agreement about fences runs of water and stray cattle and how many well meaning nations who would otherwise have remained in the most disposition towards each other have been brought to history op swords points about the or of some treaty which in an evil hour they had concluded by way of making their more sure at best are but complied with so long as interest requires their fulfilment consequently they are binding on the weaker party only or in plain truth they are not binding at all no nation will go to war with another if it has nothing to gain thereby and therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from violence and if it have any thing to gain i much question from what i have witnessed of the righteous conduct of nations whether any treaty could be made so strong that it could not thrust the sword through nay i would hold ten to one the treaty itself would be the very source to which resort would be had to find a pretext for thus therefore i conclude that though it is the best of all for a nation to keep up a constant with its neighbours yet it is the summit of folly for it ever to be into a treaty for then comes on the and then remonstrance then then then and finally open war in a word is like courtship a time of sweet words gallant speeches soft looks and caresses but the marriage ceremony is the signal for chap iv how peter was greatly by his v the moss and his conduct thereupon if my pains taking reader be not somewhat perplexed in the course of the of my last chapter he will doubtless at one glance perceive that the great peter in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbours was j new york guilty of a lamentable error and in politics to this unlucky agreement may justly be ascribed a world of little and which afterwards took place between the and the evil disposed council of all these did not a little disturb the constitutional serenity of the good of but in they were so very pitiful in their nature and effects that a grave historian who the time spent in any thing less than the fall of and the revolution of worlds would think them unworthy to be inscribed on his sacred page the reader is therefore to take it for granted though i scorn to waste in the detail that time which my brow and trembling hand inform me is invaluable that all the while the great peter was occupied in those tremendous and bloody that i shall shortly there was a continued series of little dirty s and made on the eastern by the moss of but like that mirror of chivalry the sage and i leave these petty for some future of a historian while i reserve my and my pen for achievements of higher dignity now did the great peter conclude that his labours had v come to a close in the east and that he had nothing to do apply himself to the internal prosperity of his beloved though a man of great modesty he could not help that he had at length shut the temple of a id that were all rulers like a certain person who should be nameless it would never be opened again but the exultation of the worthy governor was put to a speedy check for scarce was the treaty concluded and hardly was the ink dried on the paper before the and council of the league sought a new pretence for the flames of discord p history of it seems to be the nature of and such like powers that want the true masculine character to indulge exceedingly in certain feminine and suspicions like some good lady of delicate and sickly virtue who is in constant dread of having her purity or and who if a man do but take her by the hand or look her in the face is	48
ready to cry out and ruin so these are perpetually on the alarm for the virtue of the every manly measure is a of the every or other government around them is laying for their and they are for ever infernal plots by which they were to be betrayed and brought upon the town if any proof were wanting of the of these opinions i would instance die conduct of a certain republic of our day who good dame has already so many plots and against her virtue and has so often come near being made no better than she should be i i would notice her constant of poor old england who by her own account has been incessantly trying r sap her honour though from my soul i never could be the honest old gentleman meant her any whereas on the contrary i think i have several caught her hands indulging in certain r with that sad fellow who world knows to be a great of national virtue have ruined all the in his neighbourhood and x have every republic that came in his way but so it is these seem always to gain singular favour with the ladies but i pardon of my reader for thus wandering and will endeavour in some measure to apply the foregoing remarks for in the year we are told that the great of the east accused the new york peter th soul of honour and heart of steel that gifts and promises he had been secretly endeavouring to the or and indians to surprise and the yankee for as the council observed the indians round about for divers hundred miles to have deep of an or from the against the english have sought their good both in bodily and respects history does not make mention how the great council of the came by this precious plot whether it were honestly bought at a fair market price or discovered by sheer good fortune it is certain however that they examined divers indians who all swore to the fact as as though they had been so many christian and to be more sure of their the sage council previously made every mother s son of them devoutly drunk remembering an old and proverb which it is not necessary for me to repeat though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the of those times my great grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and his best stolen and having received a pair of black eyes and a bloody nose in one of these border wars and my grandfather when a very little boy tending pigs having been and severely by a yet i should have passed over all these wrongs with and oblivion i could even have suffered them to have broken s head to have kicked the van and his regiment out of doors carried every into and every hen on the face of the earth with perfect but this wanton attack upon one of the most gallant and heroes of modern times is too much even for me to and has i v history of with a single puff the patience of the historian and the forbearance of the oh reader it was i swear to thee it was false if thou hast any respect for my word if the character for which i have endeavoured to maintain throughout this work has its due weight with thee thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of for i pledge my honour and my immortal fame to thee that the gallant peter was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy but would have suffered his right arm or even his wooden leg to with slow and everlasting flames rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any other way than open generous warfare those that to his honest name by such an peter though he perhaps had never heard of a knight yet had he as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of king arthur there was a spirit of native gallantry a noble and generous diffused through his rugged manners which altogether gave tokens of an heroic mind he was in truth a hero of chivalry struck off by the hand of nature at a single heat and though she had taken no further care to polish and her he stood forth a miracle of her skill but not to be a fault in historic writing which i particularly the great peter possessed v in an eminent degree the seven renowned and noble of which as he had never consulted authors in the and of his mind v verily believe must have been in a corner of his heart by dame nature herself where they flourished among his hardy qualities like so many sweet wild flowers shooting forth and with among stubborn rocks such was the mind of peter the and if my admiration for it has on i new york this occasion transported my style beyond the sober gravity which becomes the laborious of historic events i can plead as an apology that though a little gray headed arrived almost at the bottom of the down hill of life i still retain some portion of that celestial fire which in the eye of youth when contemplating the virtues and achievements of ancient blessed thrice and nine times blessed be the good st that i have escaped the influence of that which too often the sympathies of age which like a spirit sits at the of the heart every genial sentiment and every spontaneous glow of enthusiasm no sooner then did this scoundrel on his honour reach the ear of peter than he proceeded in a manner which would have to his credit even though he had studied for years in the library of don himself he immediately despatched his and squire	48
very serious difficulties and and would no doubt have produced a dissolution of the but that the council of finding that they could not stand alone if by the loss of so important a member as were fain to abandon for the present their hostile against the such is the marvellous energy and the of those composed of a number of sturdy self willed has col s q history of parts loosely together by a general government as it was however the warlike towns of had no cause to this disappointment of their martial for by my faith though the combined powers of the league might have been too potent in the end for the warriors of the yet m the would the lion hearted peter and his have choked the heroes of with their own and have given the other little border towns such a that i warrant they would have had no stomach to on the land or the of a new for a century to come indeed there was more than one cause to divert the attention of the good people of the east from their hostile purposes for just about this time were they horribly and harassed by the of the prince of darkness divers of whose subjects they detected lurking within their camp all of whom they as so many and dangerous enemies not to speak in we are informed that at the new england provinces were exceedingly troubled by multitudes of who wrought strange devices to and distress the multitude and notwithstanding numerous judicious and bloody laws had been against all em conversing or with the by way of or the like yet did the dark crime of continue to increase to an alarming degree that would almost belief were not the fact too well to be even doubted for an instant what is particularly worthy of admiration is that this terrible art which so long has baffled the painful and studies of philosophers and other was chiefly con new record new york to the most ignorant and ugly old women in the community who had scarcely more brains than the they rode upon where they first acquired their infernal education whether from the works of the ancient the of the the or by arrows of the the of the the magic of the the enchantment of the or from the of the dark and mysterious of the daniel is a question with many learned and ingenious doubts particularly as most of them were totally in the mysteries of the when once an alarm is sounded the public who love dearly to be in a panic are not long in want of proofs to support it raise but the cry of yellow fever and immediately every and and overflowing of the is pronounced the terrible in like manner in the present instance whoever was troubled with a or was sure to be and woe to any unlucky old woman that lived in his neighbourhood such a howling could not be suffered to remain long unnoticed and it accordingly soon attracted the fiery indignation of the sober and part of the community more especially of those who had evinced so much active benevolence in the of and the grand council of the publicly set their faces against so deadly and dangerous a sin and a severe scrutiny took place after those who were easily detected by devil s black cats and the circumstance of their only being able to weep three tears and those out of the left eye it is incredible the number of that were detected for every one of which says the profound and reverend cotton in that excellent work the history of new england we have such a sufficient q history of that no reasonable man in this whole country ever did question them and it will be unreasonable to do it in any other indeed that and judicious historian john us with facts on this subject there are none he r that beg m this country but there be too many and others that produce many strange if you will believe report of a at sea with women and of a ship and great red horse standing by the the ship being in a small to the eastward vanished of a sudden c the number of however and their devices were not more remarkable than their obstinacy though in the most solemn and affectionate manner to confess themselves guilty and be burnt for the good of religion and the entertain ment of the public yet did they most persist in asserting their innocence such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate punishment and was sufficient proof if proof were necessary that they were in league with the devil who is itself but their judges were just and merciful and were determined to punish none that were not convicted on the best of testimony not that they needed any evidence to satisfy their own minds for like true and experienced judges their minds were perfectly made up and they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them but still something was necessary to convince the community at large to quiet those who should come after them in short the world must be satisfied oh the world the world all the world knows the world of trouble the world is the worthy judges therefore were driven to the necessity of and making s new b vi ch new york evident as matters which were at the commencement all clearly understood and firmly decided upon in own so that it may truly be said that the were burned to gratify the of the day but were tried for the satisfaction of the whole world that should come after them finding therefore that neither sound reason nor friendly entreaty	48
had any avail on these hardened they resorted to the more urgent arguments of the torture and having thus absolutely wrung the truth from their stubborn lips they condemned them to undergo the due unto the crimes they had confessed some even carried their so far as to under the torture protesting their innocence to the last but these were looked upon as thoroughly and absolutely possessed by the devil and the pious by only lamented that they had not lived a little longer to have perished in the flames in the city of we are told that the plague was by a ragged old beggar to death whom pointed out as being the evil spirit that caused it and who actually showed himself to be a demon by changing into a shaggy dog in like manner and by measures equally sagacious a check was given to this growing evil the were all burned banished or panic struck and in a little while there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout new england which is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome those honest folk who had suffered from their gradually recovered excepting such as had been afflicted with and which however assumed the less alarming aspects of and and the good people of new england the study of the turned their attention to the more profitable pf trade and soon became expert in the art history of of turning a penny still however a tinge of the old is even unto this day in their characters occasionally start up among them in different as and the people at large show a a cleverness and a of wisdom that strongly of and it has been remarked that whenever any stones fall from the moon the greater part of them are sure to tumble into new england chap vii which records the rise and renown of a commander showing that a man like a may be puffed up to greatness and importance by mere wind when treating of those times the unknown writer of the manuscript breaks out into a vehement in praise of the good st to whose protecting care he entirely the strange that broke out in the council of the and the that prevailed in the east country whereby the hostile against the were for a time and his favourite city of new preserved from imminent peril and deadly warfare darkness and superstition hung over the fair valleys of the east the pleasant banks of the no longer echoed with the sounds of rustic gaiety and were seen in the air gliding haunted every wild brook and dreary strange voices made by forms were heard in desert and the border towns were so occupied in and the knowing old women that had produced these alarming appearances that for a while the province of and its inhabitants were totally forgotten i new york the great peter therefore finding that nothing was to be immediately apprehended from his eastern neighbours turned himself about with a praise worthy vigilance that ever distinguished him to put a stop to the of the these my attentive reader will recollect had begun to be very troublesome towards the latter part of the reign of william the having set the of that little governor at naught and put the to a perfect peter however as has already been shown was a governor of different habits and turn of mind without more he immediately issued orders for raising a corps of troops to be stationed on the southern frontier under the command of general von this illustrious warrior had risen to great importance during the reign of and if histories speak true was second in command to the van when he and his ragged regiment were kicked out of fort good hope by the in consequence of having been in such a memorable affair and of having received more wounds on a certain honourable part that shall be nameless than any of his comrades he was ever after considered as a hero who had seen some service certain it is he enjoyed the unlimited confidence and friendship of william the who would sit for hours and listen with wonder to his of surprising he had never gained and dreadful battles from which he had run away and the governor was once heard to declare that had he lived in ancient times he might unquestionably have claimed the of being not merely like a mighty man of battle but in the cabinet a second that is to say very of speech and long all which as nobody in new knew aught of the ancient heroes in question passed totally history of it was observed by honest old that heaven had into some men at their birth a portion of intellectual gold into others of intellectual silver while others were furnished out with abundance of brass and iron now of this last class was undoubtedly the great general von and from the display he continually made thereof i am inclined to think that dame nature who will sometimes be partial had blessed him with enough of those valuable materials to have fitted up a dozen ordinary but what is most to be admired is that he contrived to pass off all his brass and copper upon who was no great judge of base coin as pure and genuine gold the consequence was that upon the resignation of van who after the loss of fort retired like a general to live under the shade of his the mighty copper captain was promoted to his station this he filled with great importance always himself commander in chief of the armies of the new though to tell the truth the armies or rather army consisted of a handful of hen stealing bottle f ing such was the character of the warrior appointed by	48
pe ter to defend his southern frontier j nor may it be uninteresting to my reader to have a glimpse of his person he was not very tall but notwithstanding a huge full man whose bulk did not so much arise from his being fat as windy being so completely with his own importance that he resembled one of those bags of wind which in an incredible fit of generosity gave to that wandering warrior his dress with his character for he had almost as much brass and copper without as nature had stored away within his coat was crossed and and with of copper lace and round the body with a crimson of the size and texture of a fishing net doubtless to keep his heart new york from bursting through his ribs his and whiskers were powdered from the midst of which his full blooded face glowed like a fiery furnace and his soul seemed ready to out at a pair of large eyes which projected like those of a i swear to thee worthy reader if report not this warrior i would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him cap a pie in martial array to the middle to the chin to the to the teeth crowned with an cocked hat and with a belt ten inches broad from which a of a length that i dare not mention thus equipped he about as bitter looking a man of war as the far more of more hall when he forth armed at all points to the of notwithstanding all the great and qualities of this renowned general i must con he was not exactly the kind of man that the gallant peter would have chosen to command his troops but the truth is that in those days the province did not abound as at present in great military characters who like so many people every little village out instead of soldiers and themselves in the corn field instead of the field of battle who have surrendered the toils of war for the more useful but arts of peace and so blended the laurel with the olive that you may have a general for a landlord had you bat seen him in this dress how fierce he look d and how big you would have thought him for to be some egyptian he all dogs and all each cow each horse and each for fear thej did flee for thej took him to be some strange hedge ballad of drag of want history of a colonel for a stage driver and your horse shod by a captain of neither had peter an opportunity of choosing like modern rulers from a loyal band of of newspapers no mention being made in the histories of the times of any such class of being retained in pay by government either as or body guards the general von therefore was appointed to the command of the new troops chiefly because there were no for the station and partly because it would have been a breach of military etiquette to have appointed a younger officer over his head an injustice which the great peter would have rather died than have committed no sooner did this thrice copper captain receive marching orders than he conducted his army to the southern frontier through wild lands and savage deserts over mountains across floods and through impenetrable forests more perils according to his own account than did ever the great in his far retreat with his ten thousand all this accomplished he established on the south or river a named fort in honour of a favourite pair of coloured trunk breeches of the governor as this fort will be found to give rise to very important and interesting events it may be worth while to notice that it was afterwards called and was the original of the present flourishing town of new castle an for no castle there neither being nor ever having been a castle or any thing of the kind upon the premises the did not suffer this menacing movement of the on the contrary at that time governor of new issued a protest against what he termed an upon bis but the von had become new york too well in the nature of and while he served under william the to be in any wise by such paper warfare his fortress being finished it would have done any man s heart good to behold into what a magnitude he immediately swelled he would stride in and out a dozen times a day surveying it in front and in rear on this side and on that then would he dress himself in full and backwards and forwards for hours together on the top of his little like a cock pigeon on the top of his in a word unless my readers have noticed with curious eye the petty commander of one of our little military posts swell ing with all the vanity of new and the derived from commanding a handful of i despair of giving them any adequate idea of the prodigious dignity of general yon it is recorded in the romance of pierce forest that a young knight being by king alexander did gallop into an adjoining forest and the trees with such might and main that the whole court was convinced that he was the most potent and courageous gentleman on the face of the earth in like manner the great von would ease off that which like wind is so apt to grow in the of new made soldiers them to box and broken headed quarrels for at such times when he found his martial spirit hot within him he would sally forth into the fields and out his would lay about him most by down whole of which he termed gigantic and if	48
he a colony of honest big quietly themselves in the sun ah would he roar have i caught ye at last so saying with one sweep of his sword he would the unhappy history of vegetables from their to their by which warlike his being in some sort he would return to his garrison with a full conviction that he was a very miracle of military the next ambition of general von was to be thought a strict well knowing that discipline is the soul of all military enterprise he enforced it with the most precision obliging every man to turn out his toes and hold up his head on parade and the breadth of their to all such as had any shirts to their backs having one day in the course of his devout in the bible for the pious himself could not exceed him in outward religion encountered the history of and his melancholy end the general in an evil hour issued orders for the hair of both officers and men throughout the garrison now it came to pass that among his officers was one a sturdy who had cherished through the course of a long life a rugged of hair not a little resembling the of a dog with an like the handle of a and so tightly to his head that his eyes and mouth generally stood and his eyebrows were drawn up to the top of his forehead it may naturally be supposed that the possessor of so goodly an would resist with an order it to the himself could not have held his locks more sacred and on hearing the general orders he discharged a tempest of oaths and and swore he would break any man s head who attempted to with his tail it than ever and it about the garrison as fiercely as the tail of a the of old became instantly an affair of the utmost importance the commander in chief was too enlightened an officer not to new york perceive that the discipline of the garrison the and good order of the armies of the the consequent safety of the whole province and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their high the lords states general bat above all the dignity of the great general von all demanded the of that stubborn he therefore determined that old should be publicly of his glories in presence of the whole the old man as resolutely stood on the whereupon the general as became a great man was highly exasperated and the was arrested and tried by a court martial for desertion and all the other list of noticed in the articles of war ending with a in wearing an three feet long contrary to orders then came on and trials and and the whole country was in a about this unfortunate as it is well known that the commander of a distant frontier post has the power of acting pretty much after his own will there is i little doubt but that the would have been hanged or shot at least had he not luckily fallen ill of a fever through mere and mortification and most deserted from earthly command with his beloved locks his obstinacy remained to the very last moment when he directed that he should be carried to his grave with his sticking out of a hole in his coffin this affair obtained the general great credit as an excellent but it is hinted that he was ever after subject to bad dreams and fearful j in the night when the of old would stand by the bedside i erect as a pump his enormous out like the handle end of book fifth history of book sixth containing the second part of the reign op peter the and his gallant achievements on the chap i in which is exhibited a warlike portrait of the great peter and how general von distinguished himself at fort hitherto most venerable and courteous reader have i shown thee the administration of the under the mild of peace or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation but now the from afar the brazen trumpet its thrilling note and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful of coming troubles the gallant warrior starts from soft repose from golden visions and ease where in the time of peace he sought sweet solace after all his toils no more in beauty s lap he fair for his lady s brows no more with flowers his shining sword nor through the lazy summer s day forth his soul in to manhood roused he the from his back the robe of peace and clothes his limbs in of steel o er his dark brow where late the waved where wanton roses breathed love he the beaming and nodding the bright shield and shakes the v new york ous lance or with eager pride his fiery and burns for deeds of glorious chivalry but soft worthy reader i would not have you imagine that any thus with iron existed in the city of new this is but a lofty and gigantic mode in which heroic writers always talk of war thereby to give it a noble and imposing aspect our warriors with and and such like and weapons the like which perchance they had never seen or heard of in the same manner that a cunning a modern general or an admiral in the of a caesar or an alexander the simple truth then of all this flourish is that the peter all of a sudden found it necessary to his blade which too long had in its and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war in which his mighty soul so much delighted i at this moment behold him in my imagination or rather i behold his goodly portrait which still	48
hangs up in the family mansion of the arrayed in all the terrors of a true dutch general his coat of german blue decorated with a goodly show of large brass buttons reaching from his to his chin the skirts turned up at the corners and separating gallantly behind so as to display the seat of a pair of coloured trunk breeches a graceful style still among the warriors of our day and which is in to the custom of ancient heroes who scorned to defend themselves in rear his face rendered exceeding terrible and warlike by a pair of black his hair out on each side in stiffly and descending in a rat tail below his waist a shining stock of black leather supporting his chin and a little but fierce cocked hat stuck with a gallant and fiery history op air over his left eye such was the port of peter the and when he made a sudden halt planted himself firmly on his solid with his wooden leg with silver a little in advance in order to strengthen his position his right hand grasping a cane his left resting upon the of his sword his head dressing to the right with a most appalling and hard favoured frown upon his brow he presented altogether one of the most commanding bitter looking and figures that ever upon proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation the disposition of the on the south or river has been duly recorded in the of the reign of william the these having been endured with that heroic which is the corner stone or according to the left hand neighbour of true courage had been repeated and the who were of that class of cunning to christianity who read the bible down whenever it with their interests the golden and when their neighbour suffered them to him on the one cheek they generally smote him on the other also whether turned to them or not their repeated had been among the numerous sources of vexation that to keep the irritable of in a constant fever and it was only owing to the unfortunate circumstance that he had always a hundred to do at once that he did not take such vengeance as their but they had now a of a different character to deal with and they were soon guilty of a piece of treachery that threw his honest blood in a and all further the governor of the province of new k new york being either deceased or removed for of this fact some uncertainty exists was succeeded by a gigantic and who had he not been rather and footed might have served for the model of a or a he was no less than mighty and withal as as he was so that in fact there is very little doubt had he lived some four or five centuries before he would have been one of those wicked giants who took such a cruel pleasure in distressed when about the world and them up in enchanted castles without a toilet a change of linen or any other convenience in consequence of which they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry and all true loyal and gallant knights were instructed to attack and outright any they might happen to find above six feet high which is doubtless one reason that the race of large men is nearly extinct and the generations of latter ages so exceeding small no sooner did governor enter upon his office than he immediately cast his eyes upon the important post of fort and formed the righteous resolution of taking it into his possession the only thing that remained to consider was the mode of carrying his resolution into effect and here i must do him the justice to say that he exhibited a humanity rarely to be met with among leaders and which i have never seen equalled in modern times excepting among the english in their ous affair at willing to spare the of blood and the miseries of open warfare he every thing like hostility or regular siege and resorted to the less glorious but more merciful expedient of treachery under pretence therefore of paying a visit to general von at his new post of fort he made requisite preparation sailed in r history of great state up the displayed his flag with the most and honoured the fortress with a royal salute previous to dropping anchor the unusual noise awakened a dutch who was faithfully at his post and who having suffered his match to go out contrived to return the compliment by his rusty with the spark of a pipe which he borrowed from one of his comrades the salute indeed would have been answered by the guns of the fort had they not unfortunately been out of order and the magazine deficient in accidents to which have in all ages been liable and which were the more in the present instance as fort had only been erected about two years and general von its mighty commander had been fully occupied with matters of much greater importance highly satisfied with this courteous reply to his salute treated the fort to a second for he well knew its commander was delighted with little which he considered as so many acts of homage paid unto his greatness he then landed in great state attended by a of thirty men a prodigious and for a petty governor of a petty settlement in those days of primitive simplicity and to the full as great an army as generally the pomp and in the rear of our frontier at the present day the number in fact might have awakened suspicion had not the mind of the great von been so completely engrossed with an all idea of himself that he had not room to admit a thought besides in fact he considered	48
the of s followers as a compliment to himself so apt are great men to stand between themselves and the sun and completely the truth by their own shadow new york it may readily be imagined how much general von was flattered by a visit from so august a personage his only embarrassment was how he should receive him in such a manner as to appear to the greatest advantage and make the most advantageous impression the main guard was ordered immediately to turn out and the arms and of which the garrison possessed full half a dozen suits were equally distributed among the soldiers one tall fellow appeared in a coat intended for a small man the skirts of which reached a little below his waist the buttons were between his shoulders and the sleeves half way to his wrists so that his hands looked like a couple of huge and the coat not being large enough to meet in front was linked together by made of a pair of red another had an old cocked hat stuck on the back of his head and decorated with a bunch of cock s tails a third had a pair of rusty hanging about his heels while a fourth who was a short duck legged little was equipped in a huge pair of the general s cast of breeches which he held up with one hand while he grasped his with the other the rest were in similar style excepting three who had no shirts and but a pair and half of breeches between them wherefore they were sent to the black hole to keep them out of view there is nothing in which the talents of a prudent commander are more completely than in thus setting matters off to the greatest advantage and it is for this reason that onr frontier posts at the present day that of for example display their best suit of on the back of the who stands in sight of travellers his men being thus gallantly arrayed those who lacked and and every man being ordered to in his shirt tail and pull up his general von first took a sturdy r history of draught of foaming ale which like the more of was his invariable practice on all great occasions which done he put himself at their head ordered the pine which served as a to be laid down and issued forth from his castle like a mighty giant just refreshed with wine but when the two heroes met then began a scene of warlike parade and courtesy that beggars all description who as before hinted was a shrewd cunning and had grown gray much before his time in consequence of his saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great von and humoured him in all his their were accordingly drawn up in front of each other they carried arms and they presented arms they gave the standing salute and the passing salute they rolled their drums they flourished their and they waved their colours they faced to the left and they faced to the right and they faced to the right about they wheeled forward and they wheeled backward and they wheeled into they marched and they counter marched by grand divisions by single divisions and by by by sections and by in quick time in slow time and in no time at all for having gone through all the of two great armies including the eighteen of having exhausted all that they could recollect or imagine of military including sundry strange and irregular the like of which were never seen before or since except ing among certain of our newly raised the two great and their respective troops came at length to a dead halt completely exhausted by the toils i as soon as he rose to make him strong and mighty he drank by the tale six pots of ale and a of new york of war never did two train band captains or two heroes in the renowned of tom thumb or any other and fighting tragedy their gallows looking duck legged heavy with more glory and self admiration these military compliments being finished general von escorted his illustrious visitor with great ceremony into the fort attended him throughout the showed him the horn works half and various other out works or rather the places where they ought to be erected and where they might be erected if he pleased plainly that it was a place of great and though at present but a little yet that it evidently was a formidable fortress in this survey over he next had the whole garrison put under arms exercised and and concluded by ordering the three birds to be hauled out of the black hole brought up to the and soundly for the amusement of his visitor and to convince him that he was a great there is no error more dangerous than for a commander to make known the strength or as in the present case the weakness of his garrison this will be before i have arrived to an end of my present story which thus carries its moral like a goose his in the very middle the cunning while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with the of the great von took silent note of the of his garrison of which he gave a hint to his followers who tipped each other the wink and laughed most in their sleeves the inspection review and being concluded the party to the table for among his other great qualities the general was remarkably to history of huge entertainment or rather and in one afternoon s campaign would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the whole course of his military career many of these do still remain on record and	48
the whole province was once thrown in by the return of one of his wherein it was stated that though like captain he had only twenty men to back him yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly sixty oxen ninety one hundred sheep ten thousand one thousand of potatoes one hundred and fifty of small beer two thousand seven hundred and thirty five pipes seventy eight pounds of sugar and forty bars of iron besides sundry small game poultry and garden stuff an achievement since the days of and his all devouring army and which showed that it was only necessary to let von and his garrison loose in an enemy s country and in a little while they would breed a famine and starve all the inhabitants no sooner therefore had the general received the first intimation of the visit of governor than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared and privately sent out a of his most experienced to rob all the hen in the neighbourhood and lay the under contribution a service to which they had been long and which they discharged with such incredible zeal and that the garrison table groaned under the weight of their spoils i wish with all my heart my readers could see the von as he presided at the head of the banquet it was a sight worth beholding there he sat in his greatest glory surrounded by his soldiers like that famous wine alexander whose thirsty virtues he did most imitate telling stories of his v new york hair breadth adventures and heroic exploits at which though all his knew them to be most and outrageous yet did they cast up their eyes in admiration and utter many of astonishment nor could the general pronounce any thing that bore the remotest semblance to a joke but the stout would strike his fist upon the table till every glass rattled again throwing himself back in his chair and uttering gigantic of laughter swearing most horribly it was the best joke he ever heard in his life thus all was and and hideous within fort and so did von the bottle that in less than four short hours he made himself and his whole garrison who all the deeds of their dead drunk in singing songs and drinking patriotic none of which but was as long as a or a plea in no sooner did things come to this pass than the and his who had kept themselves sober rose on their tied them neck and heels and took formal possession of the fort and all its in the name of queen of at the same time an oath of to all the dutch soldiers who could be made sober enough to swallow it then put the in order appointed his discreet and friend a tall wind dried water drinking to the command and departed bearing with him this truly amiable garrison and their commander who when brought to himself by a sound bore no little resemblance to a fish or sea monster caught upon dry land the of the garrison was done to prevent the of intelligence to new for much as the cunning in his he history of dreaded the vengeance of the sturdy peter whose name spread as much terror in the neighbourhood as did that of the among his enemies the chap ii showing how profound secrets are often brought to light with the proceedings of peter the when he heard of the misfortune of general von p off whoever first common fame or rumour as belonging to the sex was a very owl for she has in truth certain feminine qualities to an astonishing degree particularly that benevolent anxiety to take care of the affairs of others which keeps her continually hunting after secrets and about them whatever is done openly and in the face of the world she takes but transient notice of but whenever a transaction is done in a corner and attempted to be in mystery then her is at her wit s end to find it out and takes a most mischievous and lady like pleasure in it to the world it is this truly feminine that her continually to be into of princes listening at the of chambers and peering through and when our worthy are sitting with closed doors between a dozen excellent modes of the nation it is this which makes her so to all wary and such a stumbling block to private and secret which she often by means and instruments which never would have been thought of by any but a female head new york thus it was in the case of the affair of fort no doubt the cunning imagined that by securing the garrison he should for a long time prevent the history of its fate from reaching the ears of the gallant but his was blown to the world when he least expected it and by one of the last beings he would ever have suspected of as to the deity this was or a kind of on to the garrison who seemed to belong to nobody and in a manner to be self he was one of those vagabond who about the world as if they had no right or business in it and who the skirts of society like and every garrison and country village has one or more of this kind whose life is a kind of whose existence is without motive who comes from the lord knows where who lives the lord knows how and seems to be made for no other earthly purpose but to keep up the ancient and honourable order of idleness this philosopher was supposed to have some indian blood in his veins which was manifested by a certain indian complexion and cast of countenance but more especially by his and habits he was	48
there might be seen a rude perched among the cliffs of the mountains with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparent atmosphere but so situated that the of the savage children on the margin of the dizzy heights fell almost as faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the vault of heaven now and then from the brow of some rocky precipice the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid as it passed below and then tossing his in the air would bound away into the of the forest through such scenes did the stately vessel of peter pass now did they skirt the of the rocky heights of which spring up like everlasting walls reaching from the waves unto the heavens and were fashioned if tradition may be believed in times long past by the mighty spirit to protect his favourite from the eyes of mortals now did they career it gaily across the vast expanse of bay whose wide extended shores present a vast variety of new york scenery l ere the bold crowned with trees advancing into the bay there the long slope sweeping up from the shore in rich and in the precipice while at a distance a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across the water now would they pass where some modest little interval opening among these scenes yet retreating as it were for protection into the embraces of the neighbouring mountains displayed a rural paradise with sweet and pastoral beauties the velvet lawn the the stealing through the fresh and vivid on whose banks was situated some little indian village or the rude cabin of some solitary hunter the different periods of the revolving day seemed each with cunning magic to a different charm over the scene now would the jovial sun break from the east blazing from the of the eastern hills and sparkling the landscape with a thousand gems while along the borders of the river were seen heavy masses of mist which like midnight disturbed at his approach made a retreat rolling in sullen reluctance up the mountains at such times all was brightness and life and gaiety the atmosphere seemed of an indescribable and the birds broke forth in wanton and the breezes the vessel merrily on her course but when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous then all was calm and silent and magnificent the late swelling sail hung against the mast the simple seaman with folded arms leaned against the lost in that involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the of her children the vast bosom of the was like an mirror history of ing die golden splendour of the heavens excepting that now and then a bark would steal across its surface filled with painted savages whose gay feathers glared brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains but when the hour of twilight spread its magic mists around then did the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms which to the worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its maker are the mellow light that pre just served to tinge with colours the softened features of the scenery the deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad masses of shade the separating line between the land and water or to distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos now did the busy fancy supply the of vision producing with industrious craft a fairy creation of her own under her the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste in the semblance of lofty towers and high castles trees assumed the forms of mighty giants and the inaccessible of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand shadowy beings now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of insects who filled the air with a strange but not concert while ever and anon was heard the melancholy of the whip poor will who perched on some lone tree wearied the ear of night with his incessant the mind soothed into a melancholy by the solemn mystery of the scene listened with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore now and then startled perchance by the of some straggling savage or the dreary howl of some wolf stealing forth upon his nightly thus happily did they pursue their course until they new york upon those awful the where it would seem that the gigantic had their war with heaven up cliffs on cliffs and vast masses of rock in wild confusion but in very different is the history of these cloud mountains these in ancient days before the poured his waters from the lakes formed one vast prison within whose rocky bosom the confined the rebellious spirits who at his control here bound in chains or in pines or crushed by ponderous rocks they groaned for many an age at length the conquering in his irresistible career towards the ocean burst open their prison house rolling his tide triumphantly through its ruins still however do many of them about their old and these it is according to venerable legends that cause the echoes which throughout these awful which are nothing but their angry when any noise the of their repose for when the elements are agitated by tempest when the winds are up and the thunder rolls then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled spirits making the mountains to with their hideous uproar for at such times it is said that they think the great is returning once more to plunge them in gloomy and renew their intolerable but all these fair and glorious	48
scenes were lost upon the gallant occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war and proud of hardy deeds of arms neither did his honest crew trouble their vacant heads with any romantic speculations of the kind the pilot at the quietly smoked his pipe thinking of nothing either past present or to come those of his comrades who were not under the were listening with open mouths to van history of who seated on the was relating to them the marvellous history of those of fire flies that sparkled like gems and upon the dusky robe of night these according to tradition were originally a race of who peopled these parts long before the memory of man being of that race emphatically called and who for their innumerable sins against the children of men and to furnish an awful warning to the sex were doomed to the earth in the shape of these threatening and terrible little enduring the internal of that fire which they formerly carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words but now are to bear about for ever in their tails and now i am going to tell a fact which i doubt much my readers will hesitate to believe but if they do they are welcome not to believe a word in this whole history for nothing which it contains is more true it must be known then that the nose of the was of a very size boldly from his countenance like a mountain of being with and other precious stones the true of a king of good fellows which jolly to all who it heartily at the now thus it happened that bright and early in the morning the good having washed his was leaning over the quarter railing of the contemplating it in the wave below just at this moment the illustrious sun breaking in all his splendour from behind one of the high of the did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the nose of the of brass the reflection of which shot straightway down hissing hot into the water and killed a mighty that was sporting beside the vessel this huge monster being with infinite labour hoisted on board furnished a luxurious to all the crew being accounted of new york lent excepting about the wound where it a little of and this on my was the first time that ever was eaten in these parts by christian people when this astonishing miracle came to be made known to peter and that he tasted of the unknown fish he as may well be supposed exceedingly and as a monument thereof he gave the name of s nose to a stout in the neighbourhood and it has continued to be called s nose ever since that time but whither am i wandering by the mass if i attempt to accompany the good peter on this voyage i shall never make an end for never was there a voyage so with marvellous incidents nor a river so with beauties worthy of being recorded even now i have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew were most horribly frightened on going on shore above the by a gang of merry devils and on a huge flat rock which projected into the river and which is called the to this very day but no it becomes thee not to thus in thy historic recollect that while dwelling with the fond of age of er these fairy scenes to thee by the recollections of thy youth and the charms of a thousand tales which the simple ear of thy recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments which should be devoted to is not time time shaking with hand i the treating of tbe country about in a letter which was written some time after the settlement thereof says there is in the river great plenty of which we christians do not make use of bat the indians them set history of his almost exhausted hour glass before thee hasten then to pursue thy weary task lest the last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the let us then commit the peter his brave and his loyal crew to the protection of the blessed st who i have no doubt will prosper him in his voyage while we await his return at the great city of new chap iv describing the powerful army that assembled at the city f new together with the interview between peter the and general von and sentiments touching unfortunate great men while thus the peter was with flowing sail up the shores of the and all the little dutch upon its borders a great and of warriors was at the city of new and here that invaluable fragment of antiquity the manuscript is more than commonly particular by which means i am enabled to record the illustrious host that itself in the public square in front of the at present the green in the centre then was pitched the tent of the mean of battle of the who being the inmates on the metropolis composed the life guards of the governor these were commanded by the who had acquired such immortal fame at bay they displayed as a standard a i on a field of orange being the arms of the province new york and the industry and the origin of the on their right hand might be seen the of that renowned michael who it over the fair regions of ancient and the lands away south even unto the mountains and was moreover of island his standard was borne by his squire van consist ing of a huge upon a sea green field being the bearings of his favourite metropolis he brought to the camp a stout	48
force of warriors heavily armed being each clad in ten pair of breeches and by broad with short pipes twisted in their these were the men who in the mud along the shores of being of the race of genuine and were to have sprung from at a little distance was the tribe of warriors who came from the neighbourhood of hell gate these were commanded by the and the van hard as their names they were terrible looking fellows clad in broad skirted this was likewise the great seal of the new as may till be seen in ancient records besides what is related in the ms i have found mention made of this in another manuscript which says de or the squire michael a dutch subject about th by deed purchased island n b the same michael had what the dutch called a at on the shore opposite new york and his in was named van a person of the same name in owned hook and a large farm at and is a from van so called from the tribe of indians that inhabited these parts at present they are the or mountains history of of that curious coloured cloth called thunder and lightning and bore as a standard three devil s needles in a flame coloured field hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the borders of the and the country these were of a sour aspect by reason that they lived on which abound in these parts they were the first of that honourable order of called fly market and if tradition speak true did likewise introduce the far step in dancing called double trouble they were commanded by the fearless and had moreover a jolly band of who performed a brave on but i refrain from pursuing this minute description which goes on to describe the warriors of and hawk and and sundry other places well known in history and song for now does the sound of martial music alarm the people of new sounding afar from beyond the walls of the city but this alarm was in a little time relieved for lo from the midst of a vast cloud of dust they recognised the coloured breeches and splendid silver leg of peter glaring in the and beheld him approaching at the head of a formidable army which he had along the banks of the and here the excellent but writer of the manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious description of the forces as they through the principal gate of the city that stood by the head of wall street first of all came the van who the pleasant borders of the these were short fat men i e the winding bay named from the winding of its shores this has since been by the vulgar into the and is the basin which our infant now new york wearing exceeding large trunk breeches and are renowned for of the they were the first of or and milk close in their rear marched the van of kill most horrible of new and in their liquor after them came the van of mounted upon goodly of the breed these were mighty hunters of and rats whence came the word then the van nests of robbers of birds nests as their name to these if report may be believed are we indebted for the invention of or cakes then the van of s creek these came armed with and rods being a race of who first discovered the marvellous sympathy between the seat of honour and the seat of intellect and that the shortest way to get knowledge into the head was to hammer it into the bottom then the van of s nose who carried their liquor in fair round little by reason they could not it out of their having such rare long noses then the of and there distinguished by many triumphant such as patches smoking out of their holes and the like and by being great lovers of pigs tails these were the ancestors of the renowned of that name then the van of sing sing great and players upon the jew sharp these marched two and two singing the great song of st then the of sleepy hollow these gave birth to a jolly race of who first discovered the magic of a of wine into a pint bottle then the van who lived on the wild banks of the and were great of wild ducks being much spoken of for their skill in shooting with the long bow then the van history of of and who were the first that did ever kick with the left foot they were gallant bush and hunters of by moonlight then the van of potent of eggs and noted for running of horses and running up of scores at they were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once lastly came the of the great town of where the folk lay stones upon the houses in windy weather lest they should be blown away these derive their name as some say from to shake and a indicating thereby that they were sturdy of but in truth it was derived from to nod and books plainly meaning that they were great or over books from them did descend the writer of this history v such was the of sturdy bush that poured in at the grand gate of new the manuscript indeed speaks of many more whose names i omit to mention seeing that it me to hasten to matters of greater moment nothing could the joy and martial pride of the lion hearted peter as he this mighty host of warriors and he determined no longer to the gratification of his much wished for revenge upon the scoundrel at	48
first chapter took to their heels and never ceased until tbey had fairly run it out of sight when they stopped to take breath to tell their friends what troubles they had undergone and to warn all others from venturing on so an expedition every page my ranks more and more and of the vast multitude that first set out but a comparatively few made shift to survive in exceedingly battered condition through the live chapters what then would you have had me take such sunshine faint hearted to my bosom at our first acquaintance no no i reserved my friendship for those who deserved it for those who bore me company in despite of difficulties dangers and and now as to those who to me at present i take them affectionately by die hand worthy and thrice beloved readers brave and well tried comrades who have faithfully followed my footsteps through all my wanderings i salute you from my heart i pledge myself to stand by you to the last and to conduct you so heaven speed this weapon which i now hold between my fingers triumphantly to the end of this our undertaking but hark while we are thus talking the city of new is in a bustle the gallant host of warriors in the green are striking their tents the brazen trumpet of van makes the to with the drums beat the standards of the of hell gate and of michael wave proudly in the air and now behold where the are busily employed the sails of yon top sail and those two built which are to the army of the to gather immortal honours on the new york the entire population of the city man woman and child turned out to behold the chivalry of new as it the streets previous to many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows many a fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion the grief of the fair and of could not have been more on the of the gallant tribe of than was that of the kind hearted fair ones of new on the departure of their warriors every maiden fondly crammed the pockets of her hero with and nuts many a copper ring was exchanged and crooked sixpence broken in pledge of eternal constancy and there remain to this day some love verses written on that occasion sufficiently and incomprehensible to confound the whole universe but it was a moving sight to see the how they hung about the van for he was a jolly rosy faced bachelor fond of his joke and withal a desperate rogue among the women fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away for besides what i have said of him it is no more than justice to add that he was a kind hearted soul noted for his benevolent attentions in comforting wives during the absence of their husbands and this made him to be very much regarded by the honest of the city but nothing could keep the from following the heels of the old governor whom he loved as he did his very soul so embracing all the young and giving every one of them that had good teeth and rosy lips a dozen hearty he departed loaded with their kind wishes nor was the departure of the gallant peter among the least causes of public distress though the old governor was by no means indulgent to the follies and history of of his subjects yet somehow or other he had become strangely popular among the people there is something so in personal bravery that with the common mass of mankind it takes the lead of most other merits the simple folk of new looked upon peter as a of his wooden leg that of his martial was regarded with reverence and admiration every old had a of miraculous stories to tell the exploits of hard pig wherewith he his children of a long winter night and on which he dwelt with as much delight and exaggeration as do our honest country on the hardy adventures of old general or as he is familiarly termed old put during our glorious revolution not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for himself and there was even a story told with great mystery and under the rose of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one dark stormy night as he was sailing in a through hell gate but this i do not record as an absolute fact perish the man who would let fall a drop to the pure stream of history certain it is not an old woman in new but considered peter as a tower of strength and rested satisfied that the public welfare was secure so long as he was in the city it is not surprising then that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction with heavy hearts they at the heels of his troop as they marched down to the river side to the governor from the stern of his gave a short but truly address to his citizens wherein he recommended them to like loyal and peaceful subjects to go to church regularly on sundays and to mind their business all the week besides that the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their husbands looking after nobody s concerns but their own new york all and morning and carrying short tongues and long that the men should from in public concerns the cares of government to the officers appointed to support them staying at home like good citizens making money for themselves and getting children for the benefit of their country that the should look well to the public interest not the poor or indulging the rich not their	48
security to devise new laws but faithfully those which were already made rather bending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it ever that civil should consider themselves more as of public morals than rat employed to public finally he them one and all high and low rich and poor to conduct themselves as well as they could assuring them that if they faithfully and complied with this golden rule there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well enough this done he gave them a paternal the sturdy sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet the jolly put up a shout of triumph and the invincible swept off proudly down the bay the good people of new crowded down to the battery that resort from whence so many a tender prayer has been so many a fair hand waved so many a tearful look been cast by after the bark which bore her adventurous to distant here the watched with straining eyes the gallant as it slowly floated down the bay and when the intervening land at the shut it from their sight gradually dispersed with silent tongues and downcast countenances a heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city the honest smoked their pipes in profound thought t history of fulness casting many a wistful look to the on the church of st and all the old women having no longer the presence of peter to them gathered their children home and the doors and windows every evening at in the meanwhile the of the sturdy peter proceeded on its voyage and after about as many storms and water and and other horrors and phenomena as generally befall adventurous in perilous voyages of the kind and after a severe from that deplorable and malady called sea sickness the whole arrived safely in the without so much as dropping anchor and giving his wearied ships time to breathe after so long in the ocean the peter pursued his course up the and made a sudden appearance before fort having summoned the astonished garrison by a terrific blast from the trumpet of the long van he demanded in a tone of thunder an instant surrender of the fort to this demand the wind dried replied in a shrill voice which by reason of his extreme sounded like the wind whistling through a broken that he had no very strong reasons for refusing except that the demand was particularly disagreeable as he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last extremity he requested time therefore to consult with governor and proposed a for that purpose the peter indignant at having his fort so taken from him and thus withheld refused the proffered and swore by the pipe of st which like the sacred fire was never extinguished that unless the fort were surrendered in ten minutes he would storm the works make all the garrison run the and split their new york scoundrel of a commander like a to give this menace the greater effect he drew forth his sword and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion that doubtless if it had not been exceeding rusty it would have lightened terror into the eyes and hearts of the enemy he then ordered his men to bring a to bear upon the fort consisting of two three a long duck and two brace of horse pistols in the meantime the sturdy van all his forces and commenced his warlike operations i his cheeks like a very he kept up a most of his trumpet the of sing sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle the warriors of and the blew a potent and blast on their shells all together forming as outrageous a as though five thousand french were displaying their skill in a modern whether the formidable front of war thus suddenly presented smote the garrison with sore dismay or whether the concluding terms of the summons which mentioned that he should surrender at discretion were mistaken by who though a was a very considerate easy tempered man as a compliment to his discretion i will not take upon me to say certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand accordingly in the very of time just as the cabin boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the a was beat on the by the only drum in the garrison to the no small satisfaction of both parties who notwithstanding their great stomach for fighting had full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black eyes and bloody noses thus did this fortress once more return to the of their high and his t history of garrison of twenty men were allowed to march out with the honours of war and the victorious peter who was as generous as brave permitted them to keep possession of all their arms and the same on inspection being found totally unfit for service having long in the magazine of the fortress even before it was by the from the but windy yon but i must not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the services of his faithful squire van in the of this great fortress that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the vicinity of new which goes by the name of s hook unto this very day the liberality of the towards the occasioned great surprise in the city of new nay certain of those individuals who had been enlightened by the political meetings that prevailed during the days of william the but who had not dared to indulge their habits under the eye of their present ruler now by his absence dared even to give vent to their in the streets murmurs were	48
they please neither nor any other of them all did ever record a fight than that in which my are now about to engage and you oh most excellent readers whom for your faithful i could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart be not uneasy trust the fate of our favourite to me for by the come what may i ll stick by hard to the last i ll make him drive about these vile as did the renowned of the lake a herd of knights and if he does fall let me never draw my pen to fight another battle in behalf of a brave man if i don t make these pay for it no sooner had peter arrived before fort than he proceeded without delay to himself and immediately on running his first parallel despatched van to summon the fortress to surrender van was received with due formality at the and conducted through a smell of salt fish and to the a substantial hut built of pine logs his eyes were here uncovered and he found himself in the august presence of governor this as i have before noted was a very man and was clad in a coarse blue coat round the waist with a belt which c a a skirts and pockets to set off with a ve r warlike sweep his logs wore in a pair of coloured jack boots and he was in the attitude of the of before a bit of broken looking glass himself with a dull this operation caused him to make a series of horrible that heightened exceedingly the terrors of his on van s being announced the grim commander paused for a moment in the midst of one of his most hard favoured new york and after him oyer the shoulder with a kind of grin on his countenance resumed his labours at the glass this iron harvest being he turned once more to the and demanded the purport of his errand van delivered in a few words being a kind of short hand speaker a long message from his the whole history of the province with a of and of claims and concluded with a demand of instant surrender which done he turned aside took his nose between his thumb and finger and blew a tremendous blast not unlike the flourish of a trumpet of defiance which it had doubtless learned from a long and intimate neighbourhood with that melodious instrument governor heard him through trumpet and all but with infinite impatience leaning at times as was his usual custom on the of his sword and at times a huge steel watch chain or snapping his fingers van having finished he replied that peter and his summons might go to the d whither he hoped to send him and his crew of before supper time then his brass sword and throwing away the fore he but i will not thee again until i make a of the smoke dried hide of this then having flung a fierce d in the teeth of his adversary by the lips of his messenger the latter was to the with the civility due to the squire and of so great a commander and being again was courteously dismissed with a of the nose to assist him in his message no sooner did the gallant peter receive this insolent reply than he let fly a tremendous of red hot that would have battered down the and blown up the powder magazine about the history of ears of the fiery had not the been remarkably strong and the magazine proof perceiving that the works this terrific blast and that it was utterly impossible as t really was in those days to carry on a war with words he ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault but here a strange murmur broke out among his troops beginning with the tribe of the van those men of the and spreading from man to man accompanied with certain looks and discontented murmurs for once in his life and only for once did the great peter turn pale for he verily thought his warriors were going to in this hour of perilous trial and thus for ever the fame of the province of new but soon did he discover to his great joy that in this suspicion he deeply wronged this most army for the cause of this agitation and uneasiness simply was that the hour of dinner was at hand and it would have almost broken the hearts of these regular dutch warriors to have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits beside it was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full stomach and to this may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that they came to be so renowned in arms and now are the hearty men of the and their no less hearty comrades all engaged under the trees stoutly with the contents of their and taking such affectionate embraces of their and as though they verily believed they were to be the last and as i foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two i advise my readers to do the same for which purpose i will bring this chapter to a close giving them my word of honour that no advantage shall be taken of this to surprise or in any way the honest while at their vigorous new york chap vii containing the most horrible battle ever recorded in poetry or prose with the admirable exploits of peter the now had the snatch d a huge and finding themselves wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby prepared to take the field expectation says the writer of the manuscript expectation now stood on the world forgot to turn round or rather stood still that it might witness the like a fat round watching	48
the combat of two flies upon his the eyes of all mankind as usual in such cases were turned upon fort the sun like a little man in a crowd at a show about the heavens his head here and there and endeavouring to get a peep between the clouds that themselves in his way the filled their the poets went without their dinners either that they might buy paper and or because they could not get any thing to eat antiquity out of its grave to see itself while even posterity stood mute gazing in gaping ecstasy of on the field the immortal who had seen service at the affair of now mounted their feather bed clouds and sailed over the plain or mingled among the in different all to have a finger in the pie sent off his to a noted to have it up for the occasion swore by her she d the and in semblance of a eyed the of fort accompanied by as a s widow of cracked reputation the noted history of bully stuck two horse pistols into his belt a rusty and gallantly at their elbow as a drunken while in their rear as a legged playing most out of tune on the other side the ox eyed who had gained a pair of black eyes in one of her curtain lectures with old displayed her haughty beauties on a baggage as a gin tucked up her skirts her fists and swore most in exceeding bad dutch having but lately studied the language by way of keeping up the spirits of the soldiers while halted as a club footed blacksmith lately promoted to be a captain of all was silent horror or bustling preparation war reared his horrid front loud his iron and shook his crest of and now the mighty out their hosts here stood stout firm as a thousand rocks with and to the chin in mud his consisting of two and a loaded to the the and a stationed at each with lighted match in hand waiting the word his lined the breast work in grim array each having his fiercely and his hair back and so stiffly that he grinned above the like a death s head there came on the hard a second without fear or reproach his brows knit his teeth clenched his breath held hard rushing on like ten thousand of his faithful squire van at his heels with his trumpet with red and yellow the of his fair at the then came on his sturdy comrades new york like the of there were the van and the van and the ten the van the van the van the van the van and the van the van the van the van the van the van and the van there were the van homes the van hooks the van the van the van and the van the the hoofs the the the pools and the there came the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ten and the tough with a host of more whose names are too to be written or if they could be written it would be impossible for man to utter all fortified with a mighty dinner and to use the words of a great dutch poet of wrath and for an instant the mighty peter paused in the midst of his career and mounting on a stump addressed his troops in eloquent low dutch them to fight like and assuring them that if they conquered they should get plenty of if they fell they should be allowed the satisfaction while dying of reflecting that it was in the service of their country and after they were dead of seeing their names inscribed in the temple of renown and handed down in company with all the other great men of the year for the admiration of posterity finally he swore to them on the word of a governor and history of they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment that if he caught any mother s son of them looking pale or playing he d his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring time then out his he it three times over his head ordered van to sound a tremendous charge and shouting the word st and the dashed forwards his warlike followers who had employed the interval in lighting their pipes instantly stuck them in their mouths gave a furious puff and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke the garrison ordered by the cunning not to fire until they could distinguish the of their eyes stood in horrid silence on the covert way until the eager had ascended the then did they pour into them such a tremendous that the very hills around and were terrified even unto an of water that certain springs burst forth from their sides which continue to run unto the present day not a but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting kindly taken care that the should one and all observe their usual custom of shutting their eyes and turning away their heads at the moment of discharge the followed up their fire by leaping the and falling tooth and nail upon the foe with furious and now might be seen of of which neither history nor song have ever recorded a parallel here was beheld the sturdy his quarter staff like the terrible giant his oak tree for he scorned to carry any other weapon and an tune upon the heads of whole of there were the van posted at a distance like the of and it most with the long bow for which they were so justly renowned at new	48
york another place were collected on a rising the men of sing sing who assisted in the fight by forth the great song of st but as to the of they were absent from the battle having been sent out on a party to lay waste the neighbouring water patches in a different part of the field might be seen the van of s nose but they were horribly perplexed in a between two little hills by reason of the length of their noses there were the van of and so renowned for kicking with the left foot but their skill availed them little at present being short of wind in consequence of the hearty dinner they had eaten and they would have been put to had they not been by a gallant corps of composed of the who advanced to their assistance on one foot nor must i omit to mention the achievements of van who for a good quarter of an hour stubborn fight with a little whose hide he most and had he not come into the battle with no other weapon but his trumpet would have put him to an end but now the combat on came the mighty and the fighting men of the after them thundered the van of together with the van and the van bearing down all before them then the and the van pressing forward with many a oath at the head of the warriors of hell gate clad in their thunder and lightning and lastly the and body guards of peter bearing the great of the and now commenced the horrid din the desperate struggle the ferocity the frantic desperation the confusion and self of war and panted and the heavens were darkened with a tempest of bang went the guns struck the went the crash went tbe stocks blows black eyes and bloody noses swelling the horrors of the scene th cut and hack ey head over heels rough and tumble and swore the and cried the storm the works shouted hard peter fire the mine roared stout ra ra d the trumpet of van until all voice and sound became unintelligible of pain of fury and shouts of triumph in one hideous the earth shook as if struck with a stroke trees shrunk aghast and withered at the sight rocks in the ground like and even creek turned from its course and ran up a mountain in breathless terror long hung the contest doubtful for though a heavy shower of rain sent by the cloud compelling jove in some measure cooled their as doth a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting yet did they but pause for a moment to return with fury to the charge each other with black and bloody just at this juncture was seen a vast and dense column of smoke slowly rolling towards the scene of battle which for a while made even the furious to stay their arms in mute astonishment but tbe wind for a moment the cloud from the midst thereof emerged the haunting banner of the immortal michael this noble came on leading a solid of fed who bad remained behind partly as a corps de reserve and partly to the enormous dinner they had eaten these sturdy nothing did forward new york ing their pipes with outrageous vigour so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned but marching exceedingly slow being short of leg and of great in the belt and now the protecting of the army of new left the field and stepped into a neighbouring tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer a catastrophe had well nigh chanced to befall the scarcely had the of the attained the front of battle before the instructed by the cunning a shower of blows full at their tobacco pipes astounded at this unexpected assault and totally at seeing their pipes broken the fell into vast confusion already they begin to fly like a frightened drove of they throw their own army in an uproar bearing down a whole of little the sacred banner on which is the gigantic of is trampled in the dirt the pluck up new spirits and pressing on their rear apply their feet d with a vigour that their motions nor doth the renowned himself fail to receive divers grievous and of shoe leather but what oh muse was the rage of the gallant peter when from afar he saw his army yield with a voice of thunder did he roar after his warriors putting up such a war as did the stern when the troops were on the point of burning all his the men of the plucked up new courage when they heard their leader or rather they dreaded his fierce displeasure of which they stood in more awe than of all the in but the daring peter not waiting for their aid plunged sword in hand into the of the foe then did he display some such incredible achievements as have never been known since u w history of the miraculous days of the giants wherever he went the enemy shrank before him with fierce he pushed forward driving the like dogs into their own ditch but as he advanced the foe like rushing waves which close upon the bark thronged upon his rear and hung upon his flank with fearful peril one advancing on one side drove his sword full at the hero s heart but the protecting power that watches over the safety of all great and good men turned aside the hostile blade and directed it to a side pocket where an enormous iron tobacco box endowed like the shield of with supernatural powers no doubt in consequence of its being decorated with a portrait of the blessed st thus	48
was the dreadful blow but not without to the great peter a fearful loss of wind like as a furious bear when by worrying turns fiercely round his teeth and springs upon the foe so did our hero turn upon the treacherous the miserable sought in flight for safety but the active peter seizing him by an that from his head ah roared he here is what shall make dog s meat of thee v so saying he whirled his sword and made a blow that would have him had he like half a hundred heads but that the pitying steel struck short and shaved the for ever from his crown at that very moment a cunning perched on the summit of a neighbouring mound his deadly instrument and would have sent the gallant a wailing ghost to haunt the shore had not the watchful who had just stopped to tie up her saw the great peril of her favourite chief and despatched old with his who in the very nick of time just as the descended to the j new york pan gave such a lucky blast as blew all the from the touch hole thus the horrid fight when the stout surveying the battle from the top of a little perceived his faithful troops beaten and kicked by the invincible peter language cannot describe the with which he was seized at the sight he only stopped for a moment to himself of five thousand and then drawing his down to the field of combat with some such thundering strides as is said by to have taken when he strode down the to his at the no sooner did these two rival heroes come face to face than they each made a prodigious start such as is made by your most experienced stage then did they regard each other for a moment with bitter aspect like two furious ram cats on the very point of a then did they throw themselves in one attitude then in another striking their swords on the ground first on the right side then on the left at last at it they went like five hundred houses fire words cannot tell the of strength and displayed on this encounter an encounter compared to which the far battles of with of with with of with the or of that renowned knight sir of the mountains with the giant were all gentle sports and holiday at length the peter watching his opportunity aimed a fearful blow with the full intention of his adversary to the very but raising his sword it off so narrowly that glancing on one side it shaved away a huge that he always carried swung on one side thence pursuing its course it severed off a deep coat pocket stored with bread and u history of cheese all which rolling among the armies occasioned a fearful between the and and made the general battle to wax ten times more furious than ever enraged to see his military stores thus laid waste the stout collecting all his forces aimed a mighty blow full at the hero s crest in vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course the biting steel through the stubborn ram and would have cracked his crown but that the skull was of such hardness that the weapon shivered into pieces shedding a thousand sparks like beams of glory round his stunned with the blow the peter turned up his eyes and beheld fifty thousand besides and stars dancing about the at length missing his footing by reason of his wooden leg down he came on his seat of honour with a crash that shook the surrounding hills and would have his system had he not been received into a cushion softer than velvet which providence or or st or some kindly cow had prepared for his reception the furious in despite of that noble cherished by all true knights that fair play is a jewel hastened to take advantage of the hero s fall but just as he was stooping to give the fatal blow the ever peter bestowed him a sturdy over the with his wooden leg that set some dozen of bells ringing triple in his the bewildered staggered with the blow and in the meantime the wary peter a pocket pistol lying hard by which had dropped from the of his faithful squire and van during his furious encounter with the discharged it full at the head of the let not my reader mistake it was not i new york a weapon loaded with powder and bait but a little sturdy stone charged to the with a double of true dutch courage which the knowing van always carried about him by way of his the hideous sung through the air and true to its course as was the mighty fragment of a rock discharged at by bully encountered the huge head of the gigantic with violence this heaven directed blow decided the battle the ponderous of general sunk upon his breast his knees under him a seized upon his frame and he tumbled to the earth with such tremendous violence that old started with lest he should have broken through the roof of his infernal his fall was the signal of defeat and victory the gave way the dutch pressed forward the former took to their heels the latter hotly pursued some entered with them through the others the and others scrambled over the curtain thus in a little while the fortress of fort which like another had stood a siege of full ten hours was finally carried by assault without the loss of a single man on either side victory in the likeness of a gigantic sat perched upon the cocked hat of the gallant and it was universally de by all the writers whom he hired to write the his tory of his expedition	48
that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of glory to a dozen of the greatest heroes in history of chap viii in which the author and the reader while after the battle fall into a very grave discourse after which is recorded the conduct of peter after his victory thanks to st we have safely finished this tremendous battle let us sit down my worthy reader and cool ourselves for i am in a prodigious sweat and agitation truly this fighting of battles is hot work and if your great did but know what trouble they give their they would not have the conscience to achieve so many horrible but i my reader complain that throughout this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter nor a single individual if we except the unhappy who was of his by the blade of peter all which he is a great outrage on probability and highly injurious to the interest of the this is certainly an objection of no little moment but it arises entirely from the obscurity that the remote periods of time about which i have undertaken to write thus though doubtless from the importance of the object and the of the parties concerned there must have been terrible and of displayed before the walls of yet notwithstanding that i have consulted every history manuscript and tradition touching this memorable though long forgotten battle i cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in the whole affair this is without doubt owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers who like their descendants were never new york prone to of their achievements but it is a virtue that places their historian in a most embarrassing for having promised my readers a hideous and battle and having worked them up into a warlike and blood thirsty state of mind to put them off without any and slaughter was as bitter a disappointment as to summons a multitude of good people to attend an execution and then cruelly them by a had the inexorable only allowed me some half a score dead men i had been content for i would have made them such heroes as in the time but whose race is now unfortunately extinct any one of whom if we may believe those writers the poets could drive great armies like sheep before him and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single arm but seeing that i had not a single life at my disposal all that was left me was to make the most i could of my battle by means of and and and such like wounds and here i cannot but compare my in some sort to that of the divine milton who having arrayed with sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each other is sadly put to it how to manage them and how he shall make the end of his battle answer to the beginning inasmuch as being mere spirits he cannot deal a mortal blow nor even give a flesh wound to any of his for my part the greatest difficulty i found was when i had once put my warriors in a passion and let them loose into the midst of the enemy to keep them from doing mischief many a time had i to restrain the sturdy peter from a gigantic to the very or half a dozen little fellows on his sword like so many and when i had set some hundred of flying in the air i did not dare to suffer one f them to reach the history of ground lest it should have put an end to some unlucky the reader cannot conceive how it is to a writer thus in a manner to have his hands tied and how many tempting opportunities i had to wink at where i might have made as fine a death blow as any recorded in history or song from my own experience i begin to doubt most of the of many of s stories i verily believe that when he had once launched one of his favourite heroes among a crowd of the enemy he cut down many an honest fellow without any authority for so doing excepting that he presented a fair mark and that often a poor devil was sent to grim s merely because he had a name that would give a sounding turn to a period but i all such let me but have truth and the law on my side and no man would fight harder than myself but since the various records i consulted did not warrant it i had too much conscience to kill a single soldier by st but it would have been a pretty piece of business my enemies the critics who i foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can discover at my door might have charged me with murder outright and i should have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no verdict than and now gentle reader that we are sitting down here smoking our pipes permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this moment passes across my mind how vain how fleeting how uncertain are all those gaudy after which we are panting and toiling in this world of fair the wealth which the has with so many weary days so many sleepless nights a heir may away in the noblest monuments which pride w i i m new york has ever reared to a name the hand of time will shortly tumble into ruins and even the brightest gained by of arms may and be for ever by the neglect of mankind how many illustrious heroes says the good who were once the pride and glory of the age hath the silence of buried in eternal oblivion and this it was that induced the when they went to battle solemnly to	48
sacrifice to the that their achievements should be recorded had not his lofty the elegant the of had remained and such too after all the toils and perils he had after all the gallant actions he had achieved such too had nearly been the fate of the peter but that i fortunately stepped in and engraved his name on the of history just as the time was silently brushing it away for ever the more i reflect the more am i astonished at the important character of the historian he is the sovereign to decide upon the renown or of his fellow men he is the patron of kings and on whom it depends whether they shall live in after ages or be forgotten as were their ancestors before them the tyrant may while the object of his tyranny exists but the historian possesses superior might for his power extends even beyond the grave the shades of departed and long forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above while he writes watching each movement of his pen whether it shall pass by their names with neglect or them on the pages of renown even the drop of ink that hangs trembling on his pen which he may either dash upon the floor or waste in idle that very drop which to him is not worth the twentieth part of a may be of value to some departed worthy may half a score in one moment history of to immortality who would have given worlds had they possessed them to the glorious let not my readers imagine however that i am in in or am anxious to forth the importance of my tribe on the contrary i shrink when i reflect on the awful responsibility we assume i shudder to think what and we occasion in the world i swear to thee honest reader as i am a man i weep at the very idea why let me ask are so many illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their families the smiles of beauty the of fortune and exposing themselves to the miseries of war why are kings and whole countries in short what all great men of all ages and countries to commit so many and and inflict so many miseries upon mankind and on themselves but the mere hope that i some historian will kindly take them into notice and ad them into a corner of his volume for in short the mighty object of all their toils their hardships and is nothing but immortal fame and what is immortal fame why half a page of dirty paper alas alas how humiliating the idea that the renown of so great a man as peter should depend upon the pen of so little a man as and now having refreshed ourselves after the and perils of the field it us to return once more to the scene of conflict and inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest the fortress of being the fair metropolis and in a manner the key to new its capture was speedily followed by the entire of the province this was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous of the peter though a man terrible in battle yet in new york the hour of victory was he with a spirit generous merciful and humane he not over his enemies nor did he make defeat more by for like that mirror of virtue the renowned he was more anxious to do great actions than to talk of them after they were done he put no man to death ordered no houses to be burnt down permitted no to be on the property of the and even gave one of his officers a severe with his walking staff for having been detected in the act of a hen he moreover issued a inviting the inhabitants to submit to the authority of their high but declaring with that whoever refused should be lodged at the public expense in a goodly castle provided for the purpose and have an armed to wait on them in the bargain in consequence of these beneficent terms about thirty stepped forward and took the oath of in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain on the banks of the where their descendants reside at this very day but i am told by divers observant travellers that they have never been able to get over the looks of their ancestors and do still from father to son manifest marks of the sound given them by the sturdy the whole country of new having thus yielded to the arms of the triumphant peter was reduced to a colony called south river and placed under the of a lieutenant governor subject to the control of the supreme government at new this great was called william or rather l man who derived his as did of for the dimensions of his nose which history of projected from the centre of his countenance like the of a he was the great of the tribe of the one of the most ancient and honourable families of the province the members of which do gratefully the origin of their dignity not as your noble families in england would do by having a glowing in their but by one and all wearing a right goodly nose stuck in the very middle of their faces thus was this perilous enterprise terminated with the loss of only two men van home a tall spare man who was knocked overboard by the boom of a in a flaw of wind and fat van who was suddenly carried off by an both however were as having bravely fallen in the service of their country true it is peter had one of his limbs terribly being shattered to pieces in the act of the fortress	48
but as it was fortunately his wooden leg the wound was promptly and effectually healed and now nothing remains to this branch of my history but to mention that this hero and his victorious army returned to the marching under the shade of their as did the followers of young under the moving forest of thus did they make a solemn and triumphant entry into new bearing with them the conquered and the remnant of his battered crew who had refused for it appears that the gigantic had only fallen into a at the end of the battle from whence he was speedily restored by a wholesome of the nose these captive heroes were lodged according to the promise of the governor at the public expense in a fair and spacious castle being the prison of state of which new york the immortal conqueror of bay was appointed governor and which has ever since remained in the possession of his descendants n it was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness the joy of the people of new at beholding their warriors once more returned from this war in the wilderness the old women thronged round van who gave the whole history of the campaign with accuracy saving that he took the credit of the whole battle himself and especially of the stout which he considered himself as clearly entitled to seeing that it was effected by his own stone the throughout the town gave holiday to their little who followed in after the drums with paper caps on their heads and sticks in their breeches thus taking the first lesson in the art of war as to the sturdy they thronged at the heels of peter wherever he went waving their greasy hats in the air and shouting hard for ever it was indeed a day of roaring and a huge dinner was prepared at the in honour of the where were assembled in one glorious the great and the little of new there were the and his the with their at their elbows the officers at the elbows of the and so on to the lowest grade of illustrious on of police every having his rag at his side to finish his pipe drink off his heel and laugh at his flights of immortal in short for a city feast is a city feast all the world over and has been a city feast ever this castle though much altered and is io being and stands at the corner of pearl street facing s slip history of since the creation the dinner went off much the same as do our great and fourth of july loads of fish flesh and fowl were devoured of liquor drunk thousands of pipes smoked and many a dull joke honoured with much laughter i must not omit to mention that to this far victory was indebted for another of his many titles for so delighted were the honest with his achievements that they honoured him with the name of de that is to say peter the great or as it was translated by the people of new de pig an which he maintained even unto the day of his death end of book sixth new york book seventh containing the third part of the reign of peter the his troubles with the british nation and the decline and fall of the dutch chap i how peter relieved the sovereign people from the of taking care of the nation with sundry particulars of his conduct in time of peace the history of the reign of peter a melancholy picture of the incessant cares and inseparable from government and may serve as a solemn warning to all who are ambitious of the seat of power though crowned with victory enriched by conquest and returning in triumph to his metropolis his exultation was checked by beholding the sad that had taken place during the short interval of his absence the unfortunately for their own comfort had taken a deep draught of the cup of power during the reign of william the and though upon the accession of peter they felt with a certain instinctive perception which as well as cattle possess that the reins of government had passed into stronger hands yet could they not help and and upon the bit in silence it seems by some strange and inscrutable to be the destiny of most countries and more especially of your history of enlightened always to be governed by the most man in the nation so that you will scarcely find an individual throughout the whole community but who will detect to you innumerable errors in administration and convince you in the end that had he been at the head of affairs matters would have gone on a thousand times more strange that government which seems to be so generally understood should invariably e so administered strange that the talent of so bestowed should be denied to the only man in the nation to whose station it is requisite thus it was in the present instance not a man of all the herd of in new but was an on topics of state and could have directed public affairs better than peter but so severe was the old governor in his disposition that he would never suffer one of the multitude of able by whom he was surrounded to intrude his advice and save the country from destruction scarcely therefore had he departed on his expedition against the than the old of william s reign began to thrust their heads above water and to gather together in political meetings to discuss the state of the nation at these the busy and their made a very considerable figure these worthy were no longer the fat well fed tranquil that presided in the peaceful days of van on the contrary being elected by the people they formed in a manner	48
a sturdy between the mob and the administration they were great for popularity and for the rights of the resembling in disinterested zeal the wide mouthed of ancient rome or those virtuous of modern days emphatically the friends of the people new york under the of these profound it is astonishing how suddenly enlightened the multitude became in matters above their and all at once felt themselves inspired like those religious in the glorious times of illumination and without any previous study of experience became instantly capable of directing all the movements of government nor must i neglect to men tion a number of wrong headed old who had come over when boys in the crew of the and were held up as by the enlightened mob to suppose that a man who had helped to discover a country did not know how it ought to be governed was preposterous in the extreme it would have been deemed as much a as at the present day to question the political talents and universal of out old heroes of and to doubt that he who had fought for a government however stupid he might naturally be was not competent to fill any station under it but as peter had a singular inclination to govern his province without the assistance of his subjects he felt highly on his return to find the appearance they had assumed during his absence his first measure therefore was to restore perfect order by the dignity of the sovereign people he accordingly watched his opportunity and one evening when the enlightened mob was gathered together listening to a patriotic speech from an inspired the peter like his great of all the all at once appeared among them with a countenance sufficient to a the whole meeting was thrown into consternation the orator seemed to have received a stroke in the very middle of a sublime sentence and stood aghast with open mouth and trembling knees whilst the words horror tyranny liberty rights x history of taxes death destruction and a of other patriotic phrases came roaring from his throat before he had power to close his lips the shrewd peter took no notice of the throng around him but advancing to the bully and drawing out a huge silver watch which might have served in times of as a town clock and which is still retained by his descendants as a family curiosity requested the orator to mend it and set it going the orator humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power as he was with the nature of its construction nay but said peter try your ingenuity man you see all the springs and wheels and how easily the hand may stop it and pull it to pieces and why should it not be equally easy to as to stop it the orator declared that his trade was wholly different he was a poor and had never with a watch in his life that there were men skilled in the art whose business it was to attend to those matters but for his part he should only mar the and put the whole in confusion why master of mine cried peter turning suddenly upon him with a countenance that almost the of shoes into a perfect dost thou pretend to with the movements of government to and correct and patch and a complicated machine the principles of which are above thy comprehension and its simplest operations too subtle for thy understanding when thou not correct a trifling error in a common piece of the whole mystery of which is open to thy inspection hence with thee to the leather and stone which are of thy head thy shoes and confine to the for which heaven has fitted thee but his voice until it made the ring if ever i catch thee or any of thy tribe again with the affairs of government by st but i ll have every mother s of ye d alive and new york your stretched for drum heads that ye may make a noise to some purpose this threat and the tremendous voice in which it was uttered caused the whole multitude to with fear the hair of the orator rose on his head like his own swine s and not a knight of the present but his heart died within him and he felt as though he could have verily escaped through the eye of a needle but though this measure produced the desired effect in the community to order yet it tended to injure the popularity of the great peter among the enlightened j vulgar many accused him of entertaining highly sentiments and of leaning too much in favour of the indeed there appeared to be some grounds for such an accusation as he always carried himself with a very lofty port and was somewhat particular in bis dress dressing himself when not in uniform in simple but rich apparel and was especially noted for having his sound leg which was a very comely one always arrayed in a red and high shoe though a man of great simplicity of manners yet there was something about him that rude familiarity while it encouraged frank and even social intercourse he likewise observed some appearance of court ceremony and etiquette he received the common class of visitors on the stoop before his door according to the custom of our dutch ancestors but when visitors were formerly received in his parlour it was expected they would appear in clean linen by no means to be bare footed and always to take their hats off on public occasions he appeared with great pomp of for in truth his station required a little show and dignity and always rode to church in a yellow wagon with flaming red wheels properly the porch common y built in front of dutch houses with benches on each	48
side x history of these symptoms of state and ceremony occasioned con discontent among the vulgar they had been accustomed to find easy access to their former and in particular had lived on terms of extreme familiarity with william the they therefore were very impatient of these dignified precautions which discouraged intrusion but peter had his own way of thinking in these matters and was a of the dignity of office he always maintained that government to be the least popular which is most open to popular access and control and that the very against court ceremony and the reserve of men in power would soon despise rulers among whom they found even themselves to be of consequence such at least had been the case with the administration of william the who bent on making himself popular had listened to every man s advice suffered every body to have to his person at all hours and in a word treated every one as his thorough equal by this means every and public was enabled to measure wits with him and to find out the true dimensions not only of his person but his mind and what great man can stand such scrutiny it is the mystery that great men that gives them half their greatness we are always inclined to think highly of those who hold themselves aloof from our examination there is likewise a kind of superstitious reverence for office which leads us to the merits and abilities of men in power and to suppose that they must be constituted different from other men and indeed faith is as necessary in politics as in religion it certainly is of the first importance that a country should be governed by wise men but then it is almost equally important that the people should believe them to be wise for this belief alone can produce willing new york to keep up therefore this desirable confidence in rulers the people should be allowed to see as little of them as possible he who gains access to soon finds out by what foolishness the world is governed he that there is in as well as in every thing else that many a measure which is supposed by the million to be the result of great wisdom and deep deliberation is the effect of mere chance or perhaps of experiment that rulers have their and errors as well as other men and after all are not so wonderfully superior to their fellow creatures as he at first imagined since he finds that even his own opinions have had some weight with them thus awe into confidence confidence familiarity and familiarity produces contempt peter on the contrary by conducting himself with dignity and was looked up to with great reverence as he never gave his reasons for any thing he did the public always gave him credit for very profound ones every movement however unimportant was a matter of speculation and his very red excited some respect as being different from the stockings of other men to these times may we refer the rise of family pride and aristocratic distinctions and indeed i cannot but look back with reverence to the early planting of those mighty dutch families which have taken such vigorous root and out so in our state the blood which has flowed down through a succession of steady virtuous generations since the times of the of must certainly be pure and worthy and if so then are the van the van in a work published many years after the time here treated of in by c w a m it is mentioned that was counted the richest in new york and was said to have whole of indian money or and had a son and who according to the custom should divide it equally history of die van homes the the the the and all the true descendants of the ancient the only legitimate and real lords of the soil i have been led to mention thus particularly the well claims of our genuine dutch families because i have noticed with great sorrow and vexation that they have been somewhat aside in latter days by foreign it is really astonishing to behold how many great families have sprung up of late years who pride themselves excessively on the score of thus he who can look up to his father without humiliation not a little importance he who can safely talk of his grandfather is still more but he who can look back to his great grandfather without blushing is absolutely intolerable in his pretensions to family bless us what a piece of work is here between these of an hour and these of a day but from what i have in the former part of this chapter i would not have my reader imagine that the great peter was a governor ruling his subjects with a rod of iron on the contrary where the dignity of authority was not he with generosity and courteous condescension in fact he really relieved though i fear my more enlightened republican readers will consider it a proof of his ignorance and that in preventing the cup of social life from being dashed with the of politics he promoted the tranquillity and happiness of the people i and by their minds from subjects which they i could not understand and which only tended to their passions he enabled them to attend more faithfully and to their proper becoming more useful citizens and more attentive to their families and tunes so far from having any unreasonable he de new york lighted to see the poor and the man rejoice and for this purpose was a great of holidays and public amusements under his reign was first introduced the custom of eggs at or s day was also observed with extravagant and ushered in by the ringing of bells and firing	48
of guns every house was a temple to the jolly god of cherry brandy true and were set afloat on the occasion and not a poor man in town but made it a point to get drunk out of a principle of pure economy taking in liquor enough to serve him for half a year afterwards it would have done one s heart good also to have seen the peter seated among the old and their wives of a saturday afternoon under the great trees that spread their shade over the battery watching the young men and women as they danced on the green here he would smoke his pipe crack his joke and forget the rugged toils of war in the sweet of peace he would occasionally give a nod of approbation to those of the young men who and kicked most vigorously and now and then give a hearty in all honesty of soul to the that held out longest and tired down all her which he considered as proofs of her being the best once it is true the harmony of the meeting was rather interrupted a young of great figure in the gay world and who having lately come from holland of course led the fashions in the city made her appearance in not more than half a dozen and these too of most alarming a universal whisper ran through the assembly the old ladies all felt shocked in the extreme the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for the poor thing and even the governor himself was observed to be a little troubled in mind to complete the astonishment of the good folks she undertook in the course of a to de history of some astonishing figures in which she had learned from a dancing master in whether she was too animated in flourishing her feet or whether some vagabond took the liberty of his services certain it is that in the course of a grand which would not have disgraced a modern ball room she made a most unexpected display the whole assembly was thrown into great admiration several grave country members were not a little moved and the good peter himself who was a man of modesty felt himself the of the female dresses which had continued in fashion ever since the days of william had long offended his eye and though extremely averse to with the of the ladies yet he immediately recommended that every one should be furnished with a to the bottom he likewise ordered that the ladies and indeed the gentlemen should use no other step in dancing than and turn and double trouble and forbade under pain of his high displeasure any young lady to attempt what was termed exhibiting the graces these were the only he ever imposed upon the sex and these were considered by them as and resisted with that becoming spirit always manifested by the gentle sex whenever heir privileges are invaded in fact peter plainly perceived that if he attempted to push the matter any further there was danger of their leaving off an like a wise man experienced in the held his peace and suffered them eve and cut their as new york chap ii how peter was much by the moss of the east and the giants of merry land and how a dark and horrid conspiracy was carried on in the british cabinet against the prosperity of the we are now approaching towards the crisis of our work and if i be not mistaken in my we shall have a world of business to despatch in the chapters it is with some as it is with certain individuals they have a wonderful facility at getting into and i have always remarked that those are most liable to get in who have the least talent at getting out again this is doubtless owing to the excessive of those states for i have likewise noticed that this and quality is always most where most confined which accounts for its so in little states little men and ugly little women more especially thus when one that the province of the though of prodigious importance in the eyes of its inhabitants and its historian was really of no very great consequence in the eyes of the rest of the world that it had but little wealth or other spoils to reward the trouble of it and that it had nothing to expect from running into war save an exceeding good beating on pondering these things i say one would utterly despair of finding in its history either battle or or any other of those which give importance to a nation and entertainment to the reader but on the contrary we find so is this province that it has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies has had as many as would gratify the ambition of the most m history op warlike nation and is in sober sadness a very forlorn distressed and wo little province all which was no doubt kindly ordered by providence to give interest and to this pathetic history but i forbear to enter into a detail of the pitiful and that for a long while after the victory on the continued to insult the dignity and disturb the repose of the suffice it in to say that the hostility of the people of the east which had so been prevented from breaking out as my readers must remember by the sudden of and the in the council of now again displayed itself in a thousand grievous and bitter upon the borders scarcely a month passed but what the dutch on the were alarmed by the sudden appearance of an army from this would advance resolutely through the country like a of the deserts the women and children mounted in carts loaded with pots and as though they meant to boil the honest	48
the of exposing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and barbarous people with sundry other all which had about as much influence upon the determination of the peter as though you were to endeavour to turn a rusty with a broken therefore to his presence his van he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him the following morning on this bis enterprise now the was a little stricken in years yet by dint of keeping up a good heart and having never known care or sorrow having never been married he was still a hearty wag and of great capacity in the this last was ascribed to his living a jolly life on those at the hook which peter had granted to him for his gallantry at fort be this as it may there was nothing that more delighted than this command of the great peter for he could have followed the stout hearted old governor to the world s end with love and loyalty and he moreover still y history of remembered the and dancing and and other of the east country and entertained dainty recollection of numerous kind and whom he longed exceedingly again to encounter thus then did this mirror of set forth with no other attendant but his upon one of the most perilous ever recorded in the annals of for a single warrior to venture openly among a whole nation of foes but above all for a plain downright to think of with the whole council of new england never was there known a more desperate undertaking ever since i have entered upon the of this but hitherto has he kept me in a state of incessant action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly oh for a chapter of the tranquil reign of van that i might repose on it as on a feather bed is it not enough peter that i have once already rescued thee from the of these terrible by bringing the whole powers of to thine aid is it not enough that i have followed thee like a guardian spirit into the midst of the horrid battle of fort that i have been put incessantly to my to keep thee safe and sound now off with my single pen the shower of blows that fell upon thy rear now narrowly thee from a deadly thrust by a mere tobacco box now thy skull with when even thy stubborn ram failed to resist the sword of the stout and now not merely bringing thee off alive but triumphant from the of the gigantic by the desperate means of a paltry stone is not all this enough but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties and in headlong thy and thy historian new york and now the ruddy faced like a draws aside the curtains of the night and out from his bed the jolly red haired startled at being caught so late in the embraces of dame with many a stable oath he his brazen footed and and lashes and up the like a post boy half an hour behind his time and now behold that of fame and the peter a raw gallantly arrayed in full and on his that brass sword which had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of the behold hard after him his van mounted on a broken wall eyed mare his stone which had laid low the mighty under his arm and his trumpet displayed in his right hand decorated with a gorgeous banner on which is the great of the see them proudly issuing out of the city gate like an iron clad hero of with his faithful squire at his heels the following them with their eyes and shouting many a parting wish and hearty cheering farewell hard farewell honest pleasant be your prosperous your return the hero that ever drew a sword and the that ever trod shoe leather legends are silent about the events that our in this their adventurous travel excepting the manuscript which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem written on the occasion by who appears to this was moreover of the latin school in there are two pieces of in d s of upon his marriage with old ms y history of have been the poet of new this manuscript us that it was a rare spectacle to behold the great peter and his loyal the morning sun and rejoicing in the clear countenance of nature as they it through the pastoral scenes of which in those days was a sweet and rural valley with many a bright wild flower refreshed by many a pure and here and there by a little dutch cottage under some sloping hill and almost buried in trees now did they enter upon the of where they encountered many grievous difficulties and perils at one place they were assailed by a troop of country and who mounted on goodly hung upon their rear for several miles them exceedingly with and questions more especially the worthy peter whose silver chased leg excited not a little marvel at another place hard by the renowned town of they were set upon by a great and mighty of church who demanded of them five shillings for travelling on sunday and threatened to carry them captive to a neighbouring church whose peered above the trees but these the peter put to with little difficulty that they their and galloped off in horrible confusion leaving their cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight but not so easily did he escape from the hands of a man of who with perseverance and repeated fairly him out of his goodly leaving him in place thereof a but all these hardships they pursued their now called blooming about four miles from new york new york	48
journey cheerily along the course of the soft flowing whose gentle waves says the song roll through many a fertile and sunny plain now reflecting the lofty of the bustling city and now the rural beauties of the humble hamlet now echoing with the busy hum of commerce and now with the cheerful song of the peasant at every town would peter who was noted for warlike order the sturdy to sound a courteous salutation though the manuscript that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay when they heard of his approach for the fame of his achievements on the had spread throughout the east country and they dreaded lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold but the good peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect waving his hand with majesty and condescension for he verily believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into their broken windows and the of dried apples and which ornamented the fronts of their houses were so many in honour of his approach as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to compliment renowned heroes by of and gorgeous furniture the women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed so much does in arms delight the gentle sex the little children too ran after him in troops staring with wonder at his his breeches and the silver of his wooden leg nor must i omit to mention the joy which many betrayed at beholding the jovial van who had delighted them so much with his trumpet when he bore the great peter s challenge to the the kind hearted alighted from his mare and kissed them all with infinite history of and was right pleased to see a crew of little crowding around him for his blessing each of whom he patted on the head bade him be a good boy and gave him a penny to buy the manuscript makes but little further mention of the governor s adventures upon this expedition excepting that he was received with extravagant courtesy and respect by the great council of the who almost talked him to death with complimentary and i will not detain my readers by dwelling on his with the grand council suffice it to mention it was like all other a great deal was said and very little done one conversation led to another one conference which it took a dozen to explain at the end of which the parties found themselves just where they were at first excepting that they had entangled themselves in a host of questions of etiquette and conceived a cordial distrust of each other that rendered their future ten times more difficult than ever in the midst of all these which bewildered the brain and the ire of the sturdy peter who was perhaps of all men in the world least fitted for he privately received the first intimation of the dark conspiracy which had been in the cabinet of england to this was added the intelligence that a hostile had already sailed from england destined to reduce the province of new and that the grand council of had engaged to by sending a great army to new by land unfortunate peter did i not enter with sad for certain of the particulars of this ancient see col state it is singular that smith is entirely silent with respect to this memorable expedition of peter stay new york upon this ill expedition did i not tremble when i saw thee with no other but thine own head with no other but an honest tongue a conscience and a rusty sword with no other protector but st and no other attendant but a did i not tremble when i beheld thee thus sally forth to contend with all the knowing powers of new england oh how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar when he found himself thus like a lion in the hunter s toil now did he determine to draw his sword and to fight his way through all the countries of the east now did he resolve to break in upon the council of the and put every mother s son of them to death at length as his wrath subsided he resorted to safer though less glorious concealing from the council his knowledge of their he privately despatched a messenger with to his at new them of the impending danger commanding them immediately to put the city in a posture of defence while in the mean time he would endeavour to his enemies and come to their assistance this done he felt himself relieved rose slowly shook himself like a and issued forth from his den in much the same manner as giant despair is described to have issued from doubting castle in the history of the pilgrim s progress and now much does it grieve me that i must leave the gallant peter in this imminent but it us to hurry back and see what is going on at new for greatly do i fear that city is already in a turmoil such was ever the fate of peter while doing one thing with heart and soul he was too apt to leave every thing else at and while like p history of a of he was absent attending to those things in person which in modern days are trusted to and his little territory at home was sure to get in an uproar all which was owing to that uncommon strength of intellect which induced him to trust to nobody but himself and which had acquired him the renowned of peter the chap iv how the people of new were thrown into a great panic by the news of a threatened invasion and the manner in which they fortified themselves there is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher	48
than to contemplate a community where every individual has a voice in public affairs where every individual thinks himself the of the nation and where every individual thinks it his duty to himself for the good of his i say there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher than to see such a community in a sudden bustle of war such a of tongues such a of patriotism such running hither and thither every body in a hurry every body up to the ears in trouble every body in the way and every body interrupting his industrious neighbour who is busily employed in doing nothing it is like witnessing a great fire where every man is at work like a hero some dragging about empty engines others with full and the contents into the boots of their neighbours and others ringing the church bells all night by way of putting out the fire little like sturdy little knights a breach up and down and through tin trumpets by way of directing the attack here one busy fellow in his great zeal to save new york the property of the unfortunate catches up an chamber and it off with an air of as much self importance as if he had rescued a pot of money another throws and china out of the window to save them from the flames while those who can do nothing else to assist the great calamity run up and down the streets with open throats keeping up an incessant cry of fire fire fire when the news arrived at says the grave and profound though i own the story is rather that philip was about to attack them the inhabitants were thrown into violent alarm some ran to up their arms others rolled stones to build up the walls every body in short was employed and every body was in the way of his neighbour alone was the only man who could find nothing to do whereupon not to be idle when the welfare of his country was at stake he tucked up his robe and fell to rolling his tub with might and main up and down the in like manner did every mother s son in the patriotic community of new on receiving the of peter busy himself most in putting things in confusion and assisting the general uproar every man the manuscript flew to arms by which is meant that not one of our honest dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without an old fashioned spit of a sword dangling at his side and a long dutch on his shoulder nor would he go out of a night without a nor turn a corner without first peeping cautiously round lest he should come unawares upon a british army and we are informed that who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as the governor himself actually had two one pound mounted in his entry one pointing out at the front door and the other at the back history of but die most measure resorted to ou this awful occasion and one which has since been found of wonderful was to popular meetings these i have already shown were extremely offensive to peter but as this was a moment of unusual agitation and as the old governor was not present to repress them they broke out with intolerable violence hither therefore the and repaired and there seemed to be a competition among them who should the and exceed the others in bursts of patriotism and in resolutions to and defend the government in these sage and all powerful meetings it was determined con that they were the most enlightened the most dignified the most formidable and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth finding that this resolution was so universally and readily carried another was immediately proposed whether it were not possible and to great britain upon which nine members spoke most in the affirmative and only one arose to suggest some doubts who as a punishment for his presumption was immediately seized by the mob and and which punishment being equivalent to the rock he was afterwards considered as an outcast from society and his opinion went for nothing the question therefore being carried in the affirmative it recommended to the grand council to pass it into a law which was accordingly done by this measure the hearts of the people at large were wonderfully encouraged and they exceeding and indeed the first of alarm having in some measure subsided the old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on and their husbands daily getting with what was left the community began even to stand on the offensive songs were in new york low dutch and sung about the streets wherein the were most beaten and shown no quarter and popular addresses were made wherein it was proved to a certainty that the fate of old england depended upon the will of the new finally to strike a violent blow at the very of great britain a multitude of the wiser inhabitants j and having purchased all the british they could find they made thereof a huge and in the patriotic glow of the moment every man present who had a hat or breeches of english pulled it off and threw it most into the flames to the loss and ruin of the in of this great they erected a pole on the spot with a device on the top intended to represent the province of destroying great britain under the of an eagle picking the little island of old england out of the globe but either through the of the or his ill timed it bore a striking resemblance to a goose vainly striving to get hold of a chap v showing how the grand council of the new came to be gifted	48
long tongues together with a great triumph of economy it will need but very little penetration in any one acquainted with the character and habits of that most potent and monarch the sovereign people to discover that notwithstanding all the bustle and talk of war that stunned him in the last chapter the renowned city of new is in sad reality not a whit better prepared for defence than before now though the history of pie having gotten over the first alarm and finding no enemy immediately at hand had with that of tongue for which your illustrious is so famous run into the opposite extreme and by dint of gallant and had actually talked themselves into the opinion that they were the and most powerful people under the sun yet were the of peter somewhat on that point they dreaded moreover lest that stern hero should return and find that instead of obeying his orders they had wasted their time in listening to the of the mob than which they well knew there was nothing he held in more exalted contempt to make up therefore as speedily as possible for lost time a grand of the and was to talk over the critical state of the province and devise measures for its safety two things were agreed upon in this venerable assembly first that the city required to be put in a state of defence and secondly that as the danger was imminent there should be no time lost which points being settled they immediately fell to making long speeches and one another in endless and for about this time was this unhappy city first visited by that talking so universally in this country and which so invariably itself wherever a number of wise men together breaking out in long windy speeches caused as suppose by the foul air which is ever in a crowd now it was moreover that they first introduced the ingenious method of measuring the merits of an by the he being considered the orator who spoke longest on a question for which excellent invention it is recorded we are indebted to the same profound dutch critic who judged of books by their size this sudden passion for endless so little m new york with the customary gravity and of our sage forefathers was supposed by certain learned philosophers to have been together with divers other barbarous from their savage neighbours who were peculiarly noted for their long talks and council fires who would never undertake any affair of the least importance without previous and among their chiefs and old men but the real cause was that the people in their representatives to the grand council were particular in choosing them for their talents at talking without inquiring whether they possessed the more rare difficult and oft times important talent of holding their tongues the consequence was that this body was composed of the most men in the community as they considered themselves placed there to talk every man concluded that his duty to his and what is more his popularity with them required that he should on every subject whether he understood it or not there was an ancient mode of burying a by every soldier throwing his shield full of earth on the corpse until a mighty mound was formed so whenever a question was brought forward in this assembly every member pressing forward to throw on his of wisdom the subject was quickly buried under a huge mass of words we are told in the nights of that when were admitted into the school of they were for two years silence and were neither permitted to ask questions nor make remarks after they had thus acquired the art of holding their tongues they were gradually permitted to make inquiries and finally to communicate their own opinions what a pity is it that while up the rubbish and rags of antiquity we should suffer these precious gems to lie unnoticed what a effect would this wise of have if history op introduced in bodies and how wonderfully would it have tended to business in the grand council of the thus however did dame wisdom whom the of antiquity have as a woman seem to take mischievous pleasure in the venerable of new the old of long pipes and short pipes which had been almost by the grasp of peter now sprung up with violence not that the original cause of difference still existed but it has ever been the fate of party names and party to remain long after the principles that gave rise to them have been forgotten to complete the public confusion and bewilderment the word economy which one would have thought was dead and buried with william the was once more set afloat like the apple of discord in the grand council of according to which sound principle of policy it was deemed more expedient to throw away twenty thousand upon an plan of defence than thirty thousand on a good and substantial one the province thus making a clear saving of ten thousand but when they came to discuss the mode of defence then began a war of words that all description the members being as i observed in opposite parties were enabled to proceed with amazing system and regularity in the discussion of the questions before them whatever was proposed by a long pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of short pipes who like true considered it their first duty to effect the of the long pipes their second to themselves and c their third to consult the welfare of the country this at least was the creed of the most upright among the ty for as to the great mass they left the third consideration out of the question altogether new york in this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing the number of projects	48
for defence that were struck out not one of which had ever been heard of before nor has been heard of since unless it be in very modern days projects that threw the system of the ingenious completely in the back ground still however nothing could be decided on for so soon as a formidable host of air castles were reared by one party they were by the other the simple stood gazing in anxious expectation of the mighty egg that was to be with all this but they gazed in vain for it appeared that the grand council was determined to pro the province as did the noble and gigantic his army by covering it with his tongue indeed there was a portion of the members consisting of fat self important old who smoked their pipes and said nothing excepting to negative every plan of defence that was offered these were of that class of wealthy old citizens who having a fortune button up their pockets shut their mouths look rich and are good for nothing all the rest of their lives like some which having swallowed a pearl its shell settles down in the mud and parts with its life sooner than its treasure every plan of defence seemed to these worthy old gentlemen with ruin an armed force was a of upon the public property to fit out a naval was to throw their money into the sea to build was to bury it in the dirt in short they settled it as a sovereign so long as their pockets were full no matter how much they were a kick left no a broken head cured itself but an empty purse was of all the to heal and one in which nature did nothing to the patient thus did this venerable assembly of lavish away that time which the of affairs rendered invaluable history of in empty and long speeches without ever agreeing except on the point with which they started namely that there was no time to be lost and delay was at length st taking compassion on their distracted situation and anxious to preserve them from so ordered that in the midst of one of their most noisy on the subject of and defence when they had nearly fallen to in consequence of not being able to convince each other the question was happily settled by a messenger who into the chamber and informed them that the hostile fleet had arrived and was actually advancing up the bay thus was all further necessity of either or completely and thus was the grand council saved a world of words and the province a world of expense a most absolute and glorious triumph of economy chap vi in which the of new appear to showing the bravery in time of peril of a people who defend themselves by resolutions like as an assemblage of cats engaged in and one another with hideous in each other s faces and on the point of breaking forth into a general are suddenly put to and confusion by the startling appearance of a house dog so was the no less council of new amazed astounded and totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy every member made the best of his way home along as fast as his short legs could fa r under their heavy and as he went with new york and terror when he arrived at his castle he the street door and buried himself in the cellar without daring to peep out lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon ball the sovereign people all crowded into the together with the instinct of sheep who seek for safety in each other s company when the shepherd and his dog are absent and the wolf is round the fold far from finding relief however they only increased each other s terrors each man looked in his neighbour s face in search of encouragement but only found in its woe a confirmation of his own dismay not a word now was to be heard of conquering great britain not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy while the old women heightened the general gloom by their fate and incessantly calling for protection on st and peter oh how did they the absence of the lion hearted peter and how did they long for the comforting presence of van indeed a gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes day after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor without bringing any further tidings of his safety many a fearful conjecture was as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire had they not been devoured alive by the of and cape were they not put to the question by the great council of were they not smothered in by the terrible men of in the midst of this consternation and perplexity when horror like a mighty night mare sat brooding upon the little fat city of new the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by a strange and distant sound it approached it grew louder and louder and now it at the city gate the public could not z history of be mistaken in the well known sound a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallant peter covered with dust and followed by his faithful came galloping into the the first of the having subsided they gathered round the honest as he dismounted from his horse overwhelming him with greetings and congratulations in breathless accents he related to them the marvellous adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone in making their escape from the of the terrible but though the manuscript with its customary where any thing touching the great peter is concerned is very particular as to the incidents of	48
this re treat yet the particular state of the public affairs will not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof let it suffice to say that while peter was anxiously revolving in his mind how he could make good his escape with honour and dignity certain of the ships sent out for the conquest of the touched at the eastern ports to obtain needful supplies and to call on the grand council of the league for its promised upon hearing of this the peter perceiving that a moment s delay were fatal made a secret and though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be obliged to turn his back even upon a nation of foes many hair breadth and divers perilous did they sustain as they without sound of trumpet through the fair regions of the east already was the country in an uproar with hostile preparation and they were obliged to take a large circuit in their flight lurking along through the mountains of the devil s from whence the peter forth one day like a lion and put to a whole of consisting of three generations of a family who were already on their way to take possession of some new york corner of the new nay the faithful had great difficulty at sundry times to prevent him in the excess of his wrath from descending down from the mountains and falling sword in hand upon certain of the border towns who were forth their the first movements of the governor on reaching his dwelling was to mount the roof from whence he contemplated with aspect the hostile this had already come to an anchor in the bay and consisted of two stout having on board as john us three hundred red coats having taken this survey he sat himself down and wrote an to the commander demanding his reason of an in the harbour without obtaining previous permission so to do this letter was in the most dignified and courteous terms though i have it from authority that his teeth were and he had a bitter grin upon his all the while he wrote having despatched his letter the grim peter and fro about the town with a most war countenance his hands thrust into his breeches pockets and whistling a low dutch tune which bore no small resemblance to the music of a north east wind when a storm is the very dogs as they eyed him away in dismay while all the old and ugly women of new ran howling at his heels imploring him to save them from murder robbery and pitiless the reply of col who commanded the was in terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor declaring the right and title of his british majesty to the province where he affirmed the dutch to be mere and demanding that the town c should be forthwith rendered into his majesty s obedience and promising at the z history of same time life liberty estate and free trade to every dutch who should readily submit to his majesty s government peter read over this friendly with some such harmony of aspect as we may suppose a farmer who has long been upon his neighbour s soil reads the loving letter of john that him of an action of the old governor however was not to be taken by surprise but thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket he stalked three times across the room took a pinch f snuff with great vehemence and then waving his hand promised to send an answer the next morning in the mean time he called a general council of war of his and not for the purpose of asking their advice for that as has been already shown he valued not a rush but to make known unto them his sovereign determination and require their prompt before however he his council he resolved upon three important points first never to give up the city without a little hard for he deemed it highly to the dignity of so renowned a city to suffer itself to be captured and stripped without receiving a few into the bargain secondly that the majority of his grand council was composed of utterly destitute of true bottom and that he would not therefore suffer them to see the summons of col lest the easy terms it held out might induce them to for a surrender his orders being duly it was a piteous sight to behold the late who had the whole british empire in their peeping out of their hiding places and then crawling cautiously forth through narrow lanes and starting at every little dog that as though it had been a discharge of lamp posts j g p new york for british and in the excess of their panic into formidable soldiers at their having however in despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind arrived safe without the loss of a single man at the hall of assembly they took their seats and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor in a few moments the wooden leg of the peter was heard in regular and stout hearted upon the staircase he entered the chamber arrayed in full suit of and carrying his not on his but tucked under his arm as the governor never equipped himself jn this manner unless something of martial nature were working within his fearless his council regarded him as a very bearing fire and sword in his iron countenance and forgot to light their pipes in breathless suspense the great peter was as eloquent as he was indeed these two rare qualities seemed to go hand in hand in his composition and unlike most great whose are only confined to the field of argument he was always ready to enforce his hardy words by no less hardy deeds his	48
speeches were generally marked by a simplicity approaching to and by truly decision addressing the grand council he touched briefly upon the perils and hardships he had sustained in escaping from his foes he next reproached the council for wasting in idle debate and party that time which should have been devoted to their country he was particularly indignant at those who conscious of individual security had disgraced the of the province by impotent and against a noble and a powerful enemy those cowardly who were incessant in their and at the lion while distant or asleep but the moment he approached were the first to history of away he now called on those who had been so in their threats against great britain to stand forth and support their by their actions for it was deeds not wards that the spirit of a nation he proceeded to recall the golden days of former prosperity which were only to be gained by their enemies for the peace he observed which is affected by force of arms is always more sure and than that which is patched up by temporary he endeavoured moreover to arouse their martial fire by reminding them of the time when before the frowning walls of fort he had led them on to victory he strove likewise to awaken their confidence by assuring them of the protection of st who had hitherto maintained them in safety amid all the savages of the wilderness the and of the east and the giants of merry land finally he informed them of the insolent summons he had received to surrender but concluded by swearing to defend the province as long as heaven was on his side and he had a wooden leg to stand upon which noble sentence he by a tremendous with the broad side of his sword upon the table that totally his the who had long been accustomed to the governor s way and in fact had been brought into as perfect discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great saw that there was no use in saying a word so lighted their pipes and smoked away in silence like fat and discreet but the being less under the governor s control considering themselves as representatives of the sovereign people and being moreover with considerable importance and self which they had acquired at those notable schools of wisdom and morality the popular meetings were not so easily satisfied up fresh spirit when they found there was some chance of escaping from their pre new york s sent without the disagreeable alternative of fighting they requested a copy of the summons to surrender that they might show it to a general meeting of the people so insolent and a request would have been enough to have aroused the of the tranquil van t himself what then must have been its effect upon the great who was not only a a governor and a wooden legged soldier to boot but withal a man of the most and disposition he burst forth into a blaze of noble indignation to which the famous rage of was a mere fit swore not a mother s son of them should see a syllable of it that they deserved every one of them to be hanged drawn and for daring to question the of government that as to their advice or he did not care a of tobacco for either that he had long been harassed and by their cowardly but that they might go home and go to bed like old women for he was determined to defend the colony himself without the assistance of them or their so saying he tucked his sword under his arm cocked his hat upon his head and up his indignantly out of the council chamber every body making room for him as he passed no sooner had he gone than the busy called a public meeting in front of the house where they appointed as one a mighty baker in the land and formerly of the cabinet of william the he was looked up to with great reverence by the who considered him a man of dark knowledge seeing he was the first that new year cakes with the mysterious of the cock and breeches and such like devices history of this great who still the end of ill will against the in consequence of having been kicked out of his cabinet at the time of his taking the reins of government addressed the greasy multitude in what is called a patriotic speech in which he informed them of courteous summons to of the governor s refusal to of his denying the public a sight of the summons which he had no doubt contained conditions highly to the honour and advantage of the province he then proceeded to speak of his in high sounding terms suitable to the dignity and grandeur of his station comparing him to and those other great men of who are generally quoted by popular on similar occasions assuring the people that the history of the world did not contain a outrage to equal the present for cruelty tyranny and blood that it would be recorded in letters of fire on the blood stained of history that ages would roll back with sudden horror when they came to view it that the of time by the way your and writers take strange liberties with the of time though some would fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman that the of time as it was with horrors would never produce a parallel with a variety of other heart soul stirring and figures which i cannot neither indeed need i for they were exactly the same that are used in all popular and patriotic at the present day and may be in under die general tide of the	48
speech of this inspired being finished fell into a kind of popular which ed not only a string of right wise resolutions but e a most resolute memorial addressed to the go m new york at his conduct which was no sooner handed to him than he handed it into the fire and thus deprived posterity of an invaluable document that might have served as a precedent to the enlightened and of the present day in their sage with politics chap vii containing a disaster of the and how peter like a second suddenly dissolved a parliament now did the high minded de shower down a load of upon his for a set of self willed obstinate who would neither be convinced nor persuaded and determined to have nothing more to do with them but to consult merely the opinion of his which he knew from experience to be the best in the world inasmuch as it never differed from his own nor did he omit now that his hand was in to bestow some thousand left handed compliments upon the sovereign people whom he at for a herd of who had no relish for the glorious hardships and illustrious of battle but would rather stay at home and eat and sleep in ease than gain immortality and a broken head by fighting in a ditch resolutely bent however upon defending his beloved city in despite even of itself he called unto him his van who was his right hand man in all times of emergency him did he to take his war trumpet and mounting his horse to beat up the country night and day sounding the alarm along the pastoral borders of the startling the wild i history of of the ragged of and the mighty men of battle of bay and the brave boys of town and together with all the other warriors of the country round about charging them one and all to their powder horns shoulder their pieces and march merrily down to the now there was nothing in all the world the divine sex that van loved better than errands of this kind so just stopping to take a dinner and to his side his bottle well charged with heart inspiring he issued from the city gate that looked out upon what is at present called broad way sounding as usual a farewell strain that rung in echoes through the winding streets of new alas never more were they to be by the melody of their favourite it was a dark and stormy night when the good arrived at the famous creek river which the island of from the main land the wind was high the elements were in an uproar and no could be found to the adventurous sounded of brass across the water for a short time he like an impatient ghost upon the brink and then himself of the of his errand took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle swore most that he would swim across en den in spite of the devil and plunged into the stream scarce had he half way over when he was observed to struggle violently as if with the spirit of the waters instinctively he put his trumpet to his mouth and giving a vehement blast sunk for ever to the bottom a corruption of top so called from a tribe of indians which boasted fighting men see s history new york the potent of his trumpet like the ivory horn of the renowned when in the glorious field of rung far and wide through the country alarming the neighbours round who hurried in amazement to the spot here an old dutch for his and who had been a witness of the fact related to them the melancholy affair with the fearful addition to which i am slow of giving belief that he saw the in the shape of a huge moss seize the sturdy by the leg and drag him beneath the waves certain it is the place with the adjoining which projects into the has been called den or ever since the restless ghost of the unfortunate still haunts the surrounding and his trumpet has often been heard by the neighbours of a stormy night mingling with the howling of the blast nobody ever attempts to swim over the creek after dark on the contrary a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in future and as to moss they are held in such that no true will admit them to his table who loves good fish and hates the devil such was the end of van a man deserving of a better fate he lived and soundly like a true and jolly bachelor until the day of his death but though he was never married yet did he leave behind some two or three dozen children in different parts of the country fine little from whom if legends speak true and they are not apt to lie did descend the innumerable race of who people and defend this country and who are paid by the people for keeping up a constant alarm and making them miserable would that they inherited the worth as they do the wind of their renowned i i history of the tidings of this lamentable catastrophe imparted a pang to the bosom of peter than did even the invasion of his beloved it came home to those sweet affections that grow close around the heart and are nourished by its warmest current as some lone pilgrim wandering in while the tempest through his locks and dreary night is gathering around sees stretched cold and j lifeless his faithful dog the sole companion of his who had shared his solitary meal and so often licked his hand in humble gratitude so did the generous hearted hero	48
top of his head up and down in front of his house determined to defend his beloved city to the last history of while all these struggles and were prevailing in the unhappy city of new and while its worthy hut ill governor was the above quoted letter the english did not remain idle they had agents secretly employed to the fears and of the and moreover far and wide through the adjacent country a repeating the terms they had already held out in their summons to surrender and the simple with the most and professions they promised that every man who voluntarily submitted to the authority of his british majesty should retain possession of his house his and his garden that he should be suffered to smoke his pipe speak dutch wear as many breeches as he pleased and import bricks and stone from holland instead of them on the spot that he should on no account be compelled to learn the english language or keep accounts in any other way than by casting them up on his and them down upon the crown of his hat as is still observed among the dutch at the present day that every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father s hat coat shoe pipe and every other personal and that no man should be obliged to to any improvements inventions or any other modern but on the contrary should be permitted to build his house follow his trade manage his farm rear his and his children precisely as his ancestors did before him since time finally that he should have all the benefits of free trade and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the than saint who should as before be considered the saint of the city these terms as may be supposed appeared very new york factory to the people who had a great disposition to enjoy their property and a most singular aversion to engage in a contest where they could gain little more than honour and broken heads the first of which they held in philosophic indifference the latter in utter y ion y these means therefore did the succeed in the confidence and affections of the from their gallant old governor whom they considered as bent upon running them into hideous and did not hesitate to speak their minds freely and abuse him most heartily behind his back like as a mighty who though assailed and by roaring waves and still keeps on an course and though overwhelmed by boisterous still from the troubled deep and blowing with violence so did the peter pursue his determined career and rise contemptuous above the of the but when the british warriors found by the tenor of his reply that he set their power at defiance they forthwith despatched officers to and and and and and all those towns on long island which had been subdued of by the immortal stirring up the of preserved fish and determined cock and those other illustrious to the city of new by land in the meanwhile the hostile ships made awful preparation to commence an assault by water the streets of new now presented a scene of wild dismay and consternation in vain did the gallant order the citizens to arm and in the public square or the whole party of short pipes in the course of a single night had changed a a history of into old women a only to be by the recorded by as happened to rome at the approach of when statues in were converted into sheep and turning into ran about the streets the harassed peter thus from without and tormented from within by the and at by the and growled and raged like a furious bear tied to a stake and worried by a of scoundrel finding however that all further attempts to defend the city were vain and hearing that an of and moss was ready to from the east he was at length compelled in spite of his proud heart which swelled in his throat until it had nearly choked him to consent to a treaty of surrender words cannot express the of the people on receiving this agreeable intelligence had they obtained a conquest over their enemies they could not have indulged greater delight the streets with their congratulations they their governor as the father and of ins country they crowded to bis house to testify their gratitude and were ten times more noisy in their than when he returned with victory perched upon his the glorious capture of fort but the indignant peter shut his doors and windows and took refuge in the recesses of his mansion that he might not hear the of the in consequence of this consent of the governor a was demanded of the forces to treat of the terms of surrender accordingly a of six was appointed on both sides and on the th august a highly favourable to the province and honourable to peter was agreed to new york by the enemy who had conceived a high opinion of the of the men of the and the and unbounded discretion of their governor one thing alone remained which was that the articles of surrender should be and signed by the governor when the respectfully waited upon him for this purpose they were received by the hardy old warrior with the most grim and bitter courtesy his warlike were laid aside an old india was wrapped round his rugged limbs a red his frowning brow and an iron gray beard of three days growth gave additional to his thrice did he seize a little worn out stump of a pen and essay to sign the paper thrice did he his teeth and make a most horrible countenance as though a dose of and had been offered to his lips	48
at length dashing it from him he seized his brass sword and it from the swore by st he d sooner die than yield to any power under heaven in vain was every attempt to shake this sturdy were exhausted to no purpose for two whole days was the house of the peter by the and for two whole days did he himself to his arms and persist in a refusal to the thus like another bearing the whole of war and defending this modern rome with the of his single arm at length the finding that boisterous measures did but incense more determined opposition themselves of an humble expedient by which the governor s lofty ire might be soothed and his resolution and now a solemn and mournful procession headed by the and and followed by the moves slowly to the governor s a a s history of dwelling bearing the here they found the stout old hero drawn up like a giant into his castle the doors strongly and himself in full with his cocked hat on his head firmly posted with a at the garret window there was something in this formidable position that struck even the vulgar with awe and admiration the multitude could not but reflect with upon their own conduct when they beheld their but deserted old governor thus faithful to his post like a forlorn hope and fully prepared to defend his ungrateful city to the last these however were soon overwhelmed by the tide of public apprehension the arranged themselves before the house taking off their hats with most respectful humility who was of that popular class of described by old as being rather than eloquent stepped forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours length in the most pathetic terms the situation of the province and urging him in a constant repetition of the same arguments and words to sign the the mighty peter eyed him from his little garret window in grim silence now and then his eye would glance over the surrounding and an indignant grin like that of an angry would mark his iron but though he was a man of most though he had a heart as big as an ox and a head that would have set to scorn yet after all he was a mere mortal wearied out by these repeated and this eternal and perceiving that unless he complied the inhabitants would follow their inclinations or rather their fears without waiting for his consent he ordered them to hand him up the paper it was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a pole and having new york his name at the bottom of it he them all for a set of cowardly threw the at their heads down the window and was heard down stairs with the most vehement indignation the took to their heels even the were not slow in the premises fearing lest the sturdy peter might issue from his den and greet them with some unwelcome of his displeasure within three hours after the surrender a of british beef fed warriors poured into new taking possession of the fort and and now might be heard from all quarters the sound of made by the old dutch who were busily employed up their doors and windows to protect their from these fierce whom they contemplated in silent from the garret windows as they through the streets thus did col richard the commander of the british forces enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm as for the duke of york the victory was attended with no other outrage than that of changing the name of the province and its metropolis which were new york and so have continued to be called unto the present day the inhabitants according to treaty were allowed to maintain quiet possession of their property but so did they retain their to the british nation that in a private meeting of the leading citizens it was determined never to ask any of their to dinner history of chap ix containing the dignified retirement and mortal surrender of peter the thus then have i concluded this great historical enter but before i lay aside my weary pen there yet remains to be performed one pious duty if among the variety of readers that may this book there should be found any of those souls of true nobility which glow with celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave they will doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant peter to gratify one such sterling heart of gold i would go more than to instruct the cold blooded curiosity of a whole of philosophers no sooner had that high signed the articles of than determined not to witness the humiliation of his favourite city he turned his back on its walls and made a growling retreat to his or country seat which was situated about two miles off where he passed the remainder of his days in retirement there he enjoyed that tranquillity of mind which he had never known amid the cares of government and tasted the sweets of absolute and authority which his subjects had so often dashed with the bitterness of opposition no could ever induce him to the city on the contrary he would always have his great placed with its back to the windows which looked in that direction until a thick grove of trees planted by his own hand grew up and formed a screen that effectually excluded it from the prospect he continually at the and improvements introduced by the forbade a word of their detested new york r to be spoken in his family a readily obeyed since none of the household could speak any thing but dutch and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of	48
his house because it consisted of english cherry trees the same incessant vigilance that blazed forth when he had a vast province under his care now showed itself with equal vigour though in limits he with around the boundaries of his little territory every with punished every upon his orchard or his farm yard with severity and conducted every stray or cow in triumph to the pound but to the neighbour the stranger or the weary wanderer his spacious door was ever open and his fire place that emblem of his own warm and generous heart had always a comer to receive and cherish them there was an exception to this i must confess in case the ill was an englishman or a yankee to whom though he might extend the hand of assistance he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality nay if some straggling merchant of the east should stop at his door with his cart load of tin ware or wooden the fiery peter would issue forth like a giant from his castle and make such a furious among his pots and that the of notions was fain to himself to instant flight his ancient suit of worn by the brush were carefully hung up in the state and regularly the first fair day of every month and his cocked hat and sword were suspended in grim repose over the parlour forming to a full length portrait of the renowned admiral in his domestic empire he maintained strict discipline and a well organized government but mo history of though hia own will was the supreme law yet the good of his subjects was his constant object he watched over not merely their immediate comforts but their morals and their ultimate welfare for he gave them abundance of excellent nor could any of them complain that when occasion required he was by any means in wholesome the good old dutch those of an overflowing heart and a thankful spirit which are falling into sad among my fellow citizens were faithfully observed in the mansion of governor new year was truly a day of open handed liberality of and warm hearted when the bosom seemed to swell with genial and the table was attended with an freedom and honest broad mouthed merriment unknown in these days of and refinement and were observed throughout his nor was the day of st suffered to pass by without making presents hanging the in the chimney and with all its other ceremonies once a year on the first day of april he used to array himself in full being the of his entry into new after the conquest of new this was always a kind of among the when they considered themselves at liberty in some measure to say and do what they pleased for on this day their master was always observed to and become exceeding pleasant and sending the old gray headed on april fools errands for milk not one of whom but allowed himself to be taken in and humoured his old master s jokes as became a faithful and well thus did he reign happily and peacefully on his own land no man no man by no outward new york perplexed by no internal and the mighty of the earth who were vainly seeking to maintain peace and promote the welfare of mankind by war and desolation would have done well to have made a voyage to the little island of and learned a lesson in government from the domestic economy of peter in process of time however the old governor like all other children of began to exhibit evident tokens of decay like an aged oak which though it long has the fury of the elements and still its gigantic proportions yet begins to shake and groan with every blast so the gallant peter though he still bore the port and semblance of what he was in the days of his and chivalry yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigour of his frame but his heart that most still with would he listen to every article of intelligence concerning the battles between the english and dutch still would his pulse beat high whenever he heard of the of de ter and his countenance lower and his eyebrows knit when fortune turned in favour of the english at length as on a certain day he had just smoked his fifth pipe and was after dinner in his arm chair conquering the whole british nation in his dreams he was suddenly aroused by a fearful ringing of bells rattling of drums and roaring of cannon that put all his blood in a but when he learned that these were in honour of a great victory obtained by the combined english and french over the brave de and the younger von it went so much to his heart that he took to his bed and in less than three days was brought to death s door by a violent but even in this extremity he still displayed the spirit of peter the holding out to the last gasp with the most obstinacy history of against a whole army of old women who were bent upon driving the enemy out of bis after a true dutch mode of defence by the seat of war with and while he thus lay lingering on the verge of dissolution news was brought him that the brave had suffered but little loss had made good his retreat and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle the closing eye of the old warrior kindled at the words he partly raised himself in bed a flash of martial fire beamed across his he his withered hand as if he felt within his that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of fort and giving a grim	48
smile of exultation sunk back upon his pillow and expired thus died peter a soldier a loyal subject an upright governor and an honest who wanted only a few to desolate to have been as a hero his funeral were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and solemnity the town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants who crowded in to pay the last sad honours to their good old governor all his sterling qualities rushed in full tide upon their recollections while the memory of his and his faults had expired with him the ancient who should have the privilege of bearing the pall the strove who should walk nearest to the and the melancholy procession was closed by a number of gray headed who had and in the household of their departed master for the greater part of a century with sad and gloomy countenances the multitude gathered round the grave they dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues the signal services and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy they recalled with secret their own to his government and many an ancient whose new york features had never been known to nor his eyes to was now observed to puff a pensive pipe and the big drop to steal down his cheek while he muttered with affectionate accent and melancholy shake of the head well den hard peter ben gone at last his remains were deposited in the family vault under a chapel which he had erected on his estate and to st and which stood on the identical spot at present occupied by st mark s church where his is still to be seen his estate or as it was called has ever continued in the possession of his descendants who by the uniform integrity of their conduct and their strict to the customs and manners that prevailed in the good old times have proved themselves worthy of their illustrious many a time and oft has the farm been haunted at night by money in quest of pots of gold said to have been buried by the old governor though i cannot learn that any of them have ever been enriched by their and who is there among my fellow citizens that does not remember when in the mischievous days of his boyhood he conceived it a great to rob s orchard on a holiday afternoon at this strong hold of the family may still be seen certain of the immortal peter his full length portrait in martial terrors from the parlour his cocked hat and sword still hang up in the best bedroom his coloured breeches were for a long while suspended in the hall until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a new married couple and his silver mounted wooden leg is still up in the store room as an invaluable history of chap x the author s reflections upon what has been said the numerous events which are each in their turn ihe most and melancholy of all possible occur in your interesting and history there is none that occasions such deep and heart grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the disastrous events by which the great of the world have been extinguished while wandering in imagination among the gigantic ruins of states and and marking the tremendous that wrought their overthrow the bosom of the melancholy with sympathy to the surrounding desolation and powers have each had their rise their progress and their each in its turn has swayed a potent each has returned to its and thus did it fare with the empire of their high at the under the peaceful reign of walter the the reign of william the and the reign of peter the its history is fruitful of instruction and worthy of being pondered over attentively for it is by thus among the ashes of departed greatness that the sparks of true knowledge are found and the lamp of wisdom let then the reign of walter the warn against yielding to that sleek contented security that fondness for comfort and repose that are produced by a state of prosperity and peace these tend to a nation to destroy its pride of character to render it patient of insult deaf to the calls of honour and of justice and cause it to cling to peace like the to his a i new york pillow at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration such the very evil from which it one right yielded up produces the of a second one suffered makes way for another and the nation that thus through a love of peace has sacrificed honour and interest will at length have to fight for existence let the disastrous reign of william the serve as a warning against that fitful feverish mode of that acts without system depends on ana projects and to lucky that and and at length with the of ignorance and that for popularity by the prejudices and flattering the rather than commanding the respect of the that seeks safety in a multitude of and itself by a variety of contradictory schemes and opinions that mistakes for deliberate hurry for decision for wholesome economy bustle for business and for that is violent in council sanguine in expectation in action and feeble in execution that without enters upon them without preparation them without energy and ends them in confusion and defeat let the reign of the good show the effects of vigour and decision even when destitute of cool ment and surrounded by let it show how v frankness and high courage will command respect and secure honour even where success is but at the same time let it caution against a too ready reliance on the good faith	48
ring the and books to the authors and of i during the times therein mentioned and extending the of to the arts of and bis other prints james of the of contents or vol i account of the page x address to the public d theories and speculations the creation and population or the world as connected with the history or new chap i description of the world il chap ii or creation of the world with a multitude of excellent theories by which the creation of a world is shown to be no such difficult matter as common folk would imagine chap iii how that famous was nick named and how he committed an in not having four sons with the great trouble of philosophers caused thereby and the discovery o f america chap iv showing the great im bare had in i ia w t contents came to be by accident to the great relief and satisfaction of the author chap v in which the author puts a mighty question to the by the assistance of the man in the moon which not only thousands of people from great embarrassment but likewise this book book ii of the first settlement of the province of chap i in which are contained divers reasons why a man should not write in a hurry also of master his discovery of a strange country and how he was rewarded by the of their high chap ii an account of a mighty ark floated under the protection of st from holland to island the descent of the strange animals a great victory and a description of the ancient village of chap iii in which is set forth the true art of making a bargain together with the miraculous escape of a great metropolis in a fog and the biography of certain heroes of chap iv how the l of to hell gate and how they were received there chap v how the heroes of returned wiser they went and how the sage dreamed a dream and the dream that he dreamed chap vi containing an attempt at and of the of the great city of new chap vii how the city of new under the protection of l tb contents book in in which is the golden of van chap i of the van his virtues as his unutterable wisdom in the law case of and e and and the g cat admiration of the public chap ii containing some account of the g nd council of new as also divers especial g ood k philosophical reasons why an should be with other particulars touching the state of the province in how the town of new arose k out of mud and came to be polished and i polite together with a picture of the manners our great g chap containing farther particulars of the golden age and what constituted a fine lady and gentleman i in the days of walter the chap v in which the reader is into a walk which ends very from what it f commenced chap vi faithfully describing the ingenious people of and showing moreover the true meaning of liberty of conscience and a curious de among these sturdy to keep up a harmony of intercourse and population chap vii how these singular turned out to be notorious how they built air castles and f attempted to the in the mystery i of chap viii how the fort was fearfully bow the renowned fell into and bow he st contents book iv of th reign of william the chap i showing the nature of history in general c the of vi the aod how a man may learn so to render himself good for nothing chap ii in which are recorded the sage projects o ruler of genius the art of fighting by p and how that the to be at fort g s chap iii containing the fearful wrath of william and the great of the new because of the affair of fort a moreover how william the did strongly fort the city together with the exploits of s chap iy reflections on the folly being happy in times of prosperity sundry on the southern how william the te had well nigh ruined the province through a word as also the secret expedition of and his astonishing reward s chap v how william the enriched the by d multitude of laws and came to be the patron and bum and how the people exceedingly enlightened and unhappy under his chap vi of the great pipe plot of the into which william the was by reason of his having enlightened the multitude chap vii containing divers fearful accounts of b der and the of the mo of t ie oc the council of the ie ns account op the author it was some time if i recollect right in the early part of the autumn of that a stranger applied for lodgings at the independent hotel in street of which i am landlord he was a small brisk looking old gentleman dressed in a rusty l ck coat a pair of olive velvet breeches and a small cocked hat he had a few gray hairs and behind and his beard seemed to be of some eight and forty hours growth the only piece of finery which he bore about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe and all his baggage was contained in a pair of saddle bags which he carried under his arm his whole appearance was some thing out of the common	48
run and my wife who is a very shrewd body at once set him down for eminent country as the independent hotel is a very small house i was a little puzzled at first where to put him but my wife who seemed taken with his looks would needs pat him in c vol account of ber which is set off with the of the whole family done in black by those two great painters and wood and commands a very pleasant view of the new grounds on the collect together with the rear of the poor house and and a full front of the hospital so that it is the room in the whole house during the whole time that he stayed with us we found him a very worthy good sort of an old gentleman though a little queer in his ways he would keep in his room for days together and if any of the children cried or made a noise about his door he would out in a great passion with his hands full papers and say something about his ideas which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether indeed there was more than one reason to make her think so for his room was always covered with scraps of paper and old books laying about at and which he would never let any body touch for he said he had laid them all away in their proper places so that he might know where to find them though for that matter he was half his time worrying about the in search of some book or writing which he had carefully put out of the way shall never forget what a he once made because my wife cleaned out his room when bis back was and put every thing to rights for he the author the old gentleman soon became restless and discontented his history being published he had no longer any business to occupy his thoughts or any scheme to excite his h es and this to a busy mind like his was a truly deplorable situation and had he not been a man of morals and regular habits there would have been great danger of his taking to politics or drinking both which vices we daily see men driven to by mere and idleness it is true he sometimes employed himself in preparing a second edition of his history wherein he endeavoured to correct and improve many passages with which he was dissatisfied and to some mistakes that had it for he was particularly anxious that his work should be noted for its which indeed is the very life and soul of history but the flow of composition had departed he had to leave many places untouched which he would fain have altered and even where he did make alterations he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the better or the worse after a residence of some time at he began to feel a strong desire to return to new york which he ever regarded with the warmest affection not merely because it was his native city but because he really considered it the very best in the whole world on his return q of entered into the full of the advantages of a he was to write and h f similar import and although he never with the public papers yet had he the credit of writing innumerable and smart things that appeared on all subjects and all sides of the question in all which he was clearly detected by his style he contracted moreover a considerable debt at the post office in consequence of the numerous letters he received from authors and his and he was applied to by every charitable society for yearly which he gave very cheerfully considering these as so many compliments he was once invited to a great dinner and was even twice summoned to attend as a at the court of quarter indeed so renowned did he become that he could no longer about as formerly in all holes and corners of the city according to the bent of his humour unnoticed and but several times when he has been the streets on his usual of observation equipped with his cane and cocked hat the little boys at play have been known to cry there goes at which the old gentleman seemed not a little pleased looking upon these in the light of the praises of posterity th author xxi tn a word if we take into consideration all these various honours and distinctions together with an passed on him in the port with which we are told the old gentleman was so much overpowered that he was sick for two or three days it must be confessed that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards or have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immortality after his return from mr took up hi residence at a little rural retreat which the had granted him on the family domain in gratitude for his honourable mention of their it was pleasantly situated on the borders of one of the beyond s hook subject indeed to be occasionally and much in the summer time with but otherwise very agreeable producing abundant crops of salt grass and bull rushes here we are sorry to say the good old gentleman fell ill of a fever occasioned by the neighbouring he found his end approaching he disposed of his worldly affairs leaving the bulk of his fortune to the new york historical society his and s work to the city and his saddle bags to mr he forgave all his enemies that is to say a bore enmity towards him for as to vol q i xxii t op the author he declared he died in good will with all the world and after several kind messages	48
to his relations at as well as to certain of our most substantial dutch citizens he expired in the arms of his friend the his remains were according to his own request in st mark s churchyard close by the bones of his favourite hero peter and it is that the historical society have it in mind to erect a wooden ment to his memory in the green to t e public to rescue from oblivion the memory of for incidents and to render a just tribute of renown to the many great and wonderful actions of our dutch native of the city of new york historical essay like the great father of history whose words i have just quoted i treat of times long past over which the twilight of uncertainty had already thrown its shadows and the night of forgetfulness was about to descend forever with great solicitude had i long beheld the early history of this venerable and ancient from our grasp trembling on the lips of narrative old age and day by day dropping into the tomb in a ht tie while thought i and those reverend who serve as the tottering monuments of good old times will be gathered to their fa s s xxiv preface children engrossed by the pleasures or insignificant transactions of the present age wiu neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past and posterity will search in vain for of the days of e the origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion and even the names and achievements of van william and peter be enveloped in doubt and fiction like those of and of king arthur and of determined therefore to if possible this threatened misfortune i set myself to work to gather together all the fragments of our infant history which still existed and like my where no written records could be found i have endeavoured to continue the chain of history by well traditions in this undertaking which has been the whole business of a long and life it is incredible the number of authors i have consulted and all but to little purpose strange as it may seem though such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country there are none which give any full and account of the early history of new or of its dutch j have gained much e it d c preface xxv fr an elaborate manuscript written in exceeding pure and classic low dutch excepting a few errors in which was found in the of the family many legends letters and other documents have i likewise in my among the family and lumber of our respectable dutch citizens and i have gathered a host of well traditions from divers excellent old ladies of my acquaintance who requested that their names might not be mentioned nor must i neglect to acknowledge how greatly i have been assisted by that admirable and institution the new york historical society to which i here publicly return my sincere in the conduct of this work i have adopted no individual model but on the contrary have simply contented myself with and the of the most approved ancient like i have maintained the utmost and the to truth throughout my history i have enriched it after the manner of with various characters of ancient w n at full length and faithfully ed i have it with profound political speculations like it with the graces of sentiment like and into the whole the dignity the tn m of xxvi r i am aware that i shall the censure of numerous very learned and judicious critics for indulging too frequently in the bold manner of my favourite and to be candid i have found it impossible always to resist the of those pleasing which like banks and fragrant beset the dusty road of the historian and him to turn aside and refresh himself from his but i trust it will be found that i have always resumed my staff and addressed myself to my weary journey witli spirits so that both my readers and myself have been by the indeed though it has been my constant wish and uniform endeavour to rival himself in observing the requisite unity of history yet the loose and manner in which of the facts recorded have come to hand rendered such an attempt extremely difficult this difficulty was likewise increased by one of tlie grand objects contemplated in my work which was to trace the rise of sundry customs and institutions in this best of cities and to compare them when in tlie of infancy with what sky are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement but the chief merit on which i value myself and found my hopes for future regard is that faithful with which have this pr ace invaluable little work carefully away the of and the of fable which are too apt to spring u and choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowledge had i been anxious to the throng who like over the surface of literature or had i been anxious to commend my writings to the of literary i might have availed myself of the obscurity that the infant years of our city to introduce a thousand pleasing but i have discarded many a tale and marvellous adventure whereby the drowsy ear of summer might be jealousy maintaining that fidelity gravity and dignity wliich should ever distinguish the historian for a writer of this class an elegant critic must sustain the character of a wise man writing for the instruction of posterity one who has studied to inform himself well who has pondered his subject with care and addresses himself to our judgment rather than to our imagination thrice happy therefore is this our renowned city in having incidents worthy of swelling the of history and doubly thrice happy is it in having such an historian as myself	48
to relate them for after all gentle cities of and in fact of theme eh ts arc without aa historian it is the patient x preface who records their prosperity as they rise who forth the splendour of their who their feeble as they to decay who t their scattered fragments as they rot and who at length their ashes into the of his work and a monument that will their renown to all succeeding ages what has been the fate of many fair cities of antiquity whose nameless ruins the plains of europe and asia and awaken the fruitless inquiry of the traveller they have sunk dust and silence they have perished from remembrance for want of an historian the may weep over their desolation the poet may wander among their arches and broken columns and indulge the visionary flights of his fancy but alas alas the modern historian whose pen like my own is doomed to confine itself to dull matter of fact seeks in vain among their remains for some memorial that may tell the tale of their glory and their ruin wars says destroy nations and with them all their monuments their discoveries and their the torch of science has more than once been extinguished and a few individuals who have escaped by accident the thread of generations the same s ad misfortune which has happened to o many ancient cities will happen again and from th same sad cause to nine of those which now flourish on the face of the globe with most of them the time for their early history is gone by their origin foundation together with the period of their youth are forever buried in the rubbish of and the same would have been the case with this fair portion of the earth if had not snatched it m obscurity in the very nick of time at the moment that those matters recorded were about entering into the wide spread of oblivion if i had not dragged them out as it were by locks just as the monster s were closing upon them for ever and here have i as before observed carefully collected and arranged them and scrap en and commenced in this little work a history to serve as a foundation on which other may hereafter raise a noble swelling in process of time until s york may be equally with rome or and england and now indulge me for a moment while i lay down my pen to some little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred years ahead and casting back a bird s eye glance over the waste of that is to roll between co ver myself little i at this moment the and of them all posted at the head of this host of literary with my book under my arm and new york on my back pressing forward like a gallant commander to honour and immortality such are the vain glorious that will now and then enter into the brain of the author that as with celestial light his solitary chamber cheering his weary spirits and him to in his labours and i have freely given utterance to these whenever they have occurred not trust from an unusual spirit of but merely that the reader may for once have an idea how an author thinks and feels while he is writing a kind of knowledge very and curious s nd much to be desired book i divers ingenious theories and philosophic speculations the creation and population of the world as connected with the history op new york y chapter i description of the world according to the best authorities iii e which we dwell is a huge reflecting mass floating in the vast ethereal ocean of infinite space it has the form of an orange being an curiously at opposite parts for the of two imaginary poles which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the centre thus forming an on the mighty orange turns with a regular revolution the of light and darkness whence proceed tiie of nightmare pro this revolution x o of the world the different parts of the earth to the rays of the sun the latter is according to the best that is to say the latest accounts a luminous or fiery body of a prodigious magnitude from which this world is driven by a or power and to which it is drawn by a force otherwise called the attraction of the combination or rather the of two opposing impulses producing a circular and annual revolution result the different seasons of the year spring summer autumn and winter i believe to be the most approved modern y tlie subject though there be many p rs who have entertained very different or some too of them entitled to from their great anti and illustrious characters thus it was advanced by some of the ancient that the earth was an extended plain supported by vast pillars and by others that it rested on the head of a snake or the back of a huge but as they did not provide a resting place for either the pillars or the the whole fell to the ground for want of proper foundation the assert that the heavens rest upon the earth and the sun and moon swim therein like fishes in the water moving from east to west z and gliding along the edge of the f t description of the world to original stations during the night while according to the of india it is a vast plain encircled by seven of milk and other delicious that it is studded with seven mountains and ornamented in the centre by a rock of gold and that a great occasionally up the moon which accounts for the phenomena of t beside these and many	48
other equally sage opinions we have the profound conjectures of son of al son of son of son of son of el who is commonly called di and but who takes the humble title of ar which means the the of god he has written a universal history entitled or the golden meadows and the mines of precious stones j in this valuable work he has related the history of the world from the creation down to the moment of writing which was under the of in the month el of the th year of the or flight of the prophet he us that tho earth is a huge bird and y note b f sir w ind fr description of the world the head and india the right wing the land of the left wing and africa the tail he us moreover that an earth has existed before the present which he considers as a mere chicken of years that it has undergone divers and that according to the of ome well informed of his acquaintance it will be every seventy each consisting of years these are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers earth and we find that the learned have had equal perplexity as to the nature of the sun some of the ancient philosophers have that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire others that it is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent crystal t a third class at the head of whom stands maintained that it was nothing but a huge mass of iron or stone indeed he declared the heavens to be merely a vault of and that the stars were stones whirled upward from the earth and set on fire by the of its j but i give little attention to the doctrines of this philosopher the people of having fully de ii cap f cap ap t iii p i p de i in ii sec t p de iv p of the o them by him from their city a mode of answering unwelcome doctrines much resorted to in former days another of philosophers do declare that certain fiery constantly from the earth which in a point of the by day constitute the sun but being scattered and rambling about in the dark at collect in various points and form stars these are regularly burnt out and extinguished not unlike to the lamps in our streets and require a fresh supply of for the next occasion it is even recorded that at certain remote and obscure periods in consequence of a great of fuel the sun has been completely burnt out and sometimes not for a month at a time most melancholy circumstance the very idea of which gave vast concern to that weeping philosopher of antiquity in addition to these various speculations it was the opinion of that the sun is a magnificent abode the light it arising from certain luminous or clouds swimming in its transparent atmosphere t but we will not enter farther at present into the nature of the sun that being an inquiry not im ii c sec i p t i p il t p u i p v description of the world necessary to the development of this history neither will we ourselves in any more of the endless of philosophers touching the form of this globe but content ourselves with the theory advanced in the beginning of this chapter and will proceed to illustrate by experiment the of motion ascribed to this our planet professor von or as the may be rendered into was long celebrated in the university of for profound gravity of and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of to the infinite relief of his hopeful students who thereby worked their way through college with great ease and little study in the course of one of his lectures the learned professor seizing of wa ter swung it round his head at ann the impulse with he threw sl from him being a force the of his arm as a power and the bucket which was a substitute for the earth describing a circular round about the head and of professor von which formed no bad representation of the sun all of these particulars were duly explained to the class of gaping students around him he them moreover that the same principle of which retained the water in the bucket the ocean flying from the u ra op the world and he farther informed them that should the motion of the earth he suddenly checked it would fall into the sun through the force of a most event to this planet and one which would also obscure though it most probably would not the an unlucky one of those who em sent into the world merely to worthy men of the order desirous of t f of the experiment suddenly arrested the arm of the professor just at the moment that the bucket was in its which immediately descended with astonishing precision upon the philosophic of the of youth a hollow sound and a red hot hiss attended the contact but the theory was in the manner illustrated for the unfortunate bucket perished in the conflict but the blazing countenance of professor von emerged from amidst the waters glowing than ever with unutterable indignation whereby the students were and departed considerably wiser than before it is a circumstance which greatly many a pains taking philosopher that nature often refuses to second his most profound a d elaborate so that after having invented one of most ingenious and natural she will have the to description or the directly in the of his system and contradict his most positions this is a manifest and grievance since it throws the censure of the vulgar and entirely upon the philosopher whereas the fault is not to be ascribed to his theory which is unquestionably	48
correct but to the of dame nature who with the of her sex is continually indulging in and and seems really to take pleasure in all philosophic rules and the most learned and of her it happened with respect to the foregoing satisfactory tion of the motion of our planet it appears that the force has long since ceased to operate while its remains in the world therefore according to the theory as it originally stood ought in strict propriety to tumble into the sun philosophers were convinced that it would do so and awaited in anxious impatience the fulfilment of their but the planet continued her course notwithstanding that she had reason philosophy and a whole university of learned professors opposed to her conduct the philosophers took this in very ill part and it is thought they would never have the and which they conceived put upon bj the world had mt a good description of the kindly as a between the parties and a reconciliation finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory he wisely determined to the theory to the world be informed brother that the circular motion of the earth round the was no sooner by the conflicting impulse above described than it became regular revolution independent of the causes which gave it n his learned brethren readily joined in the opinion being heartily glad of any explanation that would decently them bom their embarrassment and that era the world has been left to take her own course and to around ae ma in as bite proper j creation of world chapter il j or creation of the world with a multitude of excellent theories hy which the creation of a world is shown to he no such difficult matter as common folk would imagine having thus briefly introduced my reader to tbe world and given him some idea of its form and situation he will naturally be curious to know from whence it came and how it was created and indeed the clearing up of points is absolutely essential to my history inasmuch as if world had not been formed it is more than probable that this renowned island on which is situated the city of new york would never have had an existence the regular course of my history therefore requires that i should proceed to notice the or formation of this our globe and now i give my readers fair warning that i am about to plunge for a chapter or two into as complete a as ever historian was perplexed withal therefore i advise them to take fast hold of my skirts and keep close at my heels venturing neither to the right hand nor to the left jest the get in a ol i i a creation or the world or have their brains knocked out by some of those hard greek names which will be flying about in all directions but should any of them be too indolent or chicken hearted to accompany me m this perilous undertaking they had better take a short cut round and wait for me at the beginning of some chapter of the creation of the world we have a thousand contradictory accounts and though a very satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revelation yet every philosopher feels honour bound to furnish us with a as impartial historian i consider it my their several theories by which so exceedingly and instructed thus it was the opinion of certain ancient that the earth and the whole system of the ui verse was the deity himself a doctrine maintained by ami the j whole tribe of as also by and the of philosophers likewise the famous system of the and and by means of his sacred the formation of the world the of nature and the principles both of music and morals other ap i cap f i c iii c fc i sur p s de l cap creation or the to the system of squares and the the and the sphere the the the and while others the great theory which the construction of our globe and all that it contains to the of four material elements air earth fire and water with the assistance of a fifth an and principle nor must i omit to mention the great system p by old before the siege of i l i m y of laughing by that king of good by the fanciful but i decline inquiring whether the of which the earth is said to be composed are eternal or recent whether they are or s agreeably to the opinion of the were or as the maintain were arranged by a supreme intelligence t whether in fact the earth be an or whether it be animated by a soul which opinion was maintained by a tim ap t iii p f at ii cap i cap de i cap ad p i in i cap ap iii de des t p et al creation or the host of philosophers at the head of whom stands the that temperate sage threw the cold water of philosophy on the form of intercourse and the doctrine of love an exquisitely refined intercourse but much better adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary island df than to the sturdy race composed of rebellious flesh and blood which the little matter of fact island we beside these systems we have moreover the poetical of old who the whole universe in the regular mode of and the plausible opinion of others that the earth was from the great egg of night which floated in chaos and was cracked by the of the celestial bull to illustrate this last doctrine in his theory of the earth has favoured us with an accurate drawing and description of the form and texture of this egg which is found to bear a marvellous resemblance to that of a	48
goose such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this our planet will be pleased to learn that the most profound of antiquity among the and have alternately assisted at the pf this strange bird and that their have book i creation of the been caught and continued in different tones and from philosopher to philosopher unto the present day but while briefly noticing long celebrated systems of ancient let me not pass over with neglect those of which though less universal and renowned have equal claims to attention and equal chance for thus it is recorded by the in the pages of their inspired that the angel himself into a great plunged into il ab ss and brought up the earth on hia i then issued from him a mighty and a mighty snake and placed the snake erect upon the back of the and he placed the earth upon the head of the snake the negro philosophers of affirm that the world was made by the hands of angels excepting their own country which the supreme being constructed himself that it might be excellent and he took great pains with the inhabitants and made them very black and beautiful and when he had finished the first man he was well pleased with him and smoothed him over the face and hence his nose and the nose of all his descendants became flat the philosophers tell us that a woman fell down from heaven and that a t creation or the world took her upon its back because every place was covered witb water and that the woman sitting upon the with her hands in the water and up the earth whence it finally happened that the earth became higher than the water but i forbear to quote a number more of these philosophers whose deplorable ignorance in despite of all their compelled them to write in languages which but few of my readers can understand and i shall proceed briefly to notice a few more intelligible and theories of their modern and first i shall mention the great who conjectures that this globe was originally a globe of liquid fire from the body of the sun by the of a as a spark is by the collision of flint and steel that at first it was surrounded by gross which and in process of time constituted according to their earth water and air which gradually arranged themselves according to their respective round the burning or mass their centre on the contrary that the waters at first were and he account of or t vol a creation or the world himself with the idea that the earth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain rivers and mountain until it is confounded with the ocean or in other words absolutely into itself idea far surpassing of the tender hearted of antiquity who wept herself into a fountain or the good dame of in france who for a of tongue unusual in her sex was doomed to five hundred thousand and thirty nine ropes of and actually run out at her eyes before half the hideous task was the same ingenious who in his after the for which the mischief loving swift discharged on their heads a most has distinguished himself by a very admirable theory respecting the earth he conjectures that it was originally a which being selected for the abode of man was removed from its eccentric and whirled round the sun in its present regular motion by which change of direction order succeeded to confusion in the arrangement of its parts the philosopher adds that the was produced by an salute from the watery tail of another doubtless sheer envy of its d condition thus furnishing a melancholy proof that jealousy may prevail even among the heavenly bodies discord inter creation of the world that celestial harmony of ihe so sung hy the but i pas over a variety of excellent theories which arc those of and and extremely my time will not me to give them the notice they deserve and shall conclude with hat of the renowned dr this learned who is as much distinguished for rhyme as reason and for good natured as serious and who has recommended himself wonderfully to the good graces of the ladies by letting them into all the and other topics of scandal of he court of has fallen upon a theory worthy of his imagination according to his opinion the huge mass of chaos took a den occasion to like a barrel of and in that act exploded the sun w eh in its flight by a similar exploded the earth which in like guise exploded the moon and thus by a of the whole system was produced and set most in motion by the great variety of theories here alluded to every one of which if thoroughly examined will be found consistent in all its parts my readers will perhaps be led to conclude that the creation of a world is not so j dot garden part h cant creation or the world a task as they at first imagined i have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could be constructed and i have no doubt that had any of the philosophers above quoted the use of a good and the philosophical ware house chaos at his command he would engage to manufacture a planet as good or if you would take his word for it better than this we and here i cannot help noticing the kindness of providence in creating for the great relief of bewildered philosophers by their assistance more sudden and are effected in the system of nature than are wrought in a exhibition by the wonder working sword of should one f our mo in his flights among the stars ever	48
find himself lost in the clouds and in danger of tumbling into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity he has but to seize a by the beard mount of its tail and away he in triumph like an on his or a witch on her to sweep the out of the sky it is an old and vulgar saying about a beggar on horseback which i would not for the world have applied to these reverend philosophers but i must confess that some of them when they are mounted on one of those fiery are as wild in their as was of when creation or the world he to manage the chariot of one drives his at ill speed against the sun and the world out of him with the mighty con another more moderate makes his a kind of beast of burden carrying the sun a regular supply of food and a third of more disposition to throw his like a into the world and blow it up like a powder magazine while a fourth with no great delicacy to this planet and its inhabitants that some day or other his my modest pen while i write it turn tail upon our world and it with w surely as i have already observed were provided by providence for the benefit of philosophers to assist them in theories and now having several of the most prominent theories that occur to my recollection i leave my judicious readers at full liberty to choose among them they arc all serious speculations of learned men all differ essentially from each other and all have the same title to belief it has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to the works of their and more splendid in th stead which in their turn are and replaced by the air castles of a succeeding generation thus it would seem that knowledge and v y ot which we make such great parade ft a v creation or the would in the errors and of those who have gone before and new errors and to be detected by those who arc to come after us theories are the mighty soap with which the grown up children of science amuse themselves while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid admiration and these learned with the name of wisdom surely was right in his opinion that philosophers are but a sort of themselves in things totally incomprehensible or which if they could be comprehended would be found not worthy the trouble of discovery for my own part until the learned have come to an agreement among themselves i shall content myself with the account handed down to us by moses in which i do but follow the example of our ingenious neighbours of who at their first settlement proclaimed that the colony should be governed by the laws of god until they had time to make better one thing however appears certain from the unanimous authority of the before quoted philosophers supported by the evidence of our own senses which though very apt to deceive us may be cautiously admitted as additional testimony it appears i say and i make the assertion deliberately without fear of contradiction that this really was and that it om creation of the world of land and water it farther appears that it is curiously divided and out into and islands among which i declare the renowned island op new york will be found any one who for it in its proper place history of chapter ii how that famous was shameful ly nick named and how he committed an in not having four with the great trouble of philosophers caused thereby and the discovery of america who is the first sea man we read of three sons ham and authors it is true are not wanting affirm that the j had a number of thus makes him father of he gigantic gives son called j thus or and others have mentioned named from whom descended the or or in other words the dutch nation i regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me to gratify the curiosity of my readers by the history of the great indeed such an undertaking would be attended with more trouble than many people would imagine for the good old seems to have been a great traveller in his day and to have passed under a different name in every country that he visited the for instance give us his story merely his into a trivial which his various names to an historian skilled in will appear wholly unimportant it appears likewise that he had exchanged his and among the for the gorgeous of and appears as a monarch in their annals the him under the name of the indians as the greek and roman writers confound him with and he with and but the chinese who rank among the most extensive and inasmuch as they have known the world much longer than any one else declare that was no other than j and what gives this assertion some air of is that it is a fact admitted by the most enlightened that travelled into china at the time of the building of the tower of probably to improve himself in the study of languages and the learned dr gives us the additional information that the ark rested on a mountain on the of china from this mass of rational conjectures and sage many satisfactory might be drawn but i shall content myself with the fact stated in the bible that three gone ham and it is astonishing on what remote and obscure the great of this world depend and how events the most distant and to the common observer are inevitably the to uncertainty as to whether the other it remains to the philosopher to ter these mysterious and it	48
reason i discern of the voyages and adventures of tliis i shall seeing that already sufficiently known nor shall i undertake to prove that this country should have been called after his name that being self evident having thus happily got my readers on this side of the atlantic i picture them to myself all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of promise and in full expectation that i will immediately deliver it into their possession but if i do may i ever the reputation of a regular bred historian no no most curious and learned readers for are the author s plan exhibited if je have read all that has gone before and nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after we have yet a world of work before us think vou the first of this fair quarter of ihe globe had nothing to do but go on shore and find a country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden wherein they might at their case no such thing they had forests to cut down od to up to drain and savages to in like manner i have sundry doubts to clear away questions to resolve and to explain before i permit you to range at random but these difficulties once overcome we shall be enabled to on right merrily through the rest of our history thus my work shall in a manner echo the nature of the subject in the same manner as tlie sound of poetry has been found by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense tliis being an improvement in history which i claim ihe merit of having invented oo difficulties respecting chapter iv showing the great difficulty philosophers have had in america and how the came to be by accident to the great relief and satisfaction of the author the next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history is to ascertain if possible how this country was originally people point fruitful of incredible embarrassment unless we prove that the did ab come from some where it will be asserted ii this age of that did not come at all and if they did not come at all was this country never a conclusion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic but wholly to every feeling of humanity inasmuch as it must prove fatal to the innumerable of this region to so dire a and to rescue from logical so many millions of fellow how many wings of have been what of ink have been drained j and how many heads of learned have been and for ever i pause with v xi the of america i contemplate the ponderous in different languages with which they have endeavoured to solve this question so important to the happiness of society but so involved in clouds f impenetrable obscurity historian after historian has engaged in the endless circle of argument and after leading us a weary chase through and has let us out at the end of his work just as wise as we were at the beginning it was doubtless some philosophical wild goose chase of the kind that made the old poet m rail in such a passion at curiosity which he most heartily as an irksome care a superstitious industry about things an humour to see what is not to be seen and to be doing what nothing when it is done but to proceed of the claims of the children of to the original population of this country i shall say nothing as they have already been touched upon in my last chapter the next in are the descendants of thus called when he discovered the gold mines of immediately concluded with a that would have done honour to a philosopher that he had the ancient from whence solomon procured the gold for the ten e ij nay even imagined that b of authors the remains of of veritable con employed in the precious ore so golden a conjecture with such fascinating extravagance was too tempting not to be immediately snapped at by the of learning and accordingly there were divers profound writers ready to swear to its and to bring in their usual load of authorities and wise to it up and declared nothing could be more clear without the least hesitation that was the true and the jews the early of the country while and several other sagacious writers in a supposed prophecy of tiie fourth book of which being inserted in the mighty like the key stone of an arch gives it in their opinion perpetual scarce however have they completed their goodly than in a of opposite authors with de the great j at their head and at one blow the whole fabric about their ears in fact outright all the claims to the first of this country all those symptoms and traces of christianity and which have been said to be found in divers provinces of the new world t the who has always affected to of the ss t k thb first of america s the knowing old d made by all good authors who have spoken of the religion of nations newly discovered and founded besides on the authority of hie fathers of the some writers again among whom it is with great regret i am compelled to mention de and de that the being driven from the land of promise by the jews were seized with such a panic that they fled without looking behind them until stop to take they found themselves safe in america as they brought neither their national language manners nor features with them it is supposed they left them behind in the hurry of their flight i cannot give my faith to this opinion i pass over the supposition of tlie learned who being	48
both an and a dutch man to boot is entitled to great respect that north america was peopled by a strolling company of and that was founded by a colony from china or the first being himself a chinese nor shall i more than barely mention that father the settlement of america to the to the to the to a party from to the the to the le to the to die ag opinions or authors respecting to the together with the sage of de that england ireland and the may contend for that honour nor will i bestow any more attention or credit to the idea that america is the fairy region of described by that dreaming traveller the or tliat it visionary island of described by neither will i stop to investigate the assertion of that each of the globe was originally furnished with an adam and eve or the more flattering opinion of dr supported by many nameless authorities that adam was of the indian race or the startling conjecture of and so highly honourable to mankind v that the whole human species is accidentally descended from a remarkable family of this last conjecture i must own came upon me very suddenly and very i have often beheld the in a while gazing in stupid wonder at tlie extravagant of a all at once by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders little did i think at such times that it would ever fall to ray lot to be treated with equal and that while i was quietly beholding these i i philosophers the eccentric v of the hero of they would u turn upon me and my m s the first of america one flourish us into beasts i determined from that moment not to burn my fingers with any more of their theories but content myself with the different methods by which they transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable to this great field of warfare this was done either by by land or by water thus joseph d three passages by land first by the north of europe secondly by the north of asia and by regions southward of the straits of the learned his by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and through green and and and various writers among whom are and anxious for the accommodation of these travellers have fastened the two together by a strong chain of by which means could pass over dry shod but should even this fail that industrious old gentleman who books and has constructed a natural bridge of ice from continent to continent at the distance of four or five miles from s straits for which he is entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wandering who ever did or et will pass over it the author s surprise it is an evil much to be lamented that none of the worthy writers above quoted could ever commence his work without immediately declaring against every writer who had treated of the same subject in this particular authors may be compared to a certain sagacious bird which in building its nest is sure to pull to pieces the nests of all the birds in its neighbourhood this unhappy to the progress of sound knowledge theories are at best but productions and when once committed to the stream they should take care that like the notable pots which were fellow they do not crack each other my chief surprise is that among the many writers i have noticed no one has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon or that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice as white bears about the northern or that they were conveyed by as modern pass from to or by as posted among the stars or after the manner of the renowned who like the new england on full blooded made most unheard of journeys on the back of a golden arrow given him by the but there is still one mode left by which this country could have been peopled which i have reserved for the last because com v by accident ill the rest it is y accident speaking of the of solomon new guinea and new land the profound father in fine all these countries are peopled and it is possible some have been so by accident now if it could have happened in that manner why might have been at the same time and by the same means with the other parts of the globe this ingenious mode of certain conclusions from possible premises is an improvement in skill and proves the good father superior even to for he can turn the world without any thing to rest his upon it is only surpassed by the dexterity with which the sturdy old in another place cuts the knot nothing says he is more easy the inhabitants of both are certainly the descendants of the same father the common father of mankind received an express order from heaven to people the world and accordingly it has been peopled to bring this about it was to overcome all difficulties in the way and they have also been overcome pious how does he put all the herd of laborious to the blush by explaining in five words what it has cost them volumes to prove they knew nothing about from all the authorities here quoted and a variety of others which i have consulted but wh c i it fear a the three certain conclusions ed reader can only draw the following conclusions which luckily however are sufficient purpose first that this part of the world has d q e d to support which we have living proofs in the numerous tribes of indians that it secondly that it has been peopled	48
in five hundred different ways as proved by a cloud of authors who from the of their seem to have been eye witnesses to the fact that the people of this country had a variety of fathers which as it may not be thought much to their credit by the common run of readers the less we say on the subject the better the question therefore i trust is for at rest a gigantic question chapter v in which the author puts a mighty question to by the assistance of the man in the moon which not only thousands of people from great embarrassment but likewise this book the writer of a history may in some respects be unto an adventurous who having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of establishing his fame feels in honour and chivalry to turn back for no nor and never to shrink or whatever enemy he may encounter under this impression f draw my pen aad fall to might and main at those questions ib which like fiery ai giants beset the entrance to my history and would tain me from the very threshold and at this moment a gigantic question has started up which must needs take by the beard and utterly subdue before i can advance another step in my ic undertaking but trust this will be the last adversary i shall have to contend with and tliat in the book shall be enabled to conduct my readers in triumph into the body of my work the question which has thus y at had the first of i t rights or the to land and take possession of a country without first gaining consent of its inhabitants or yielding them aft adequate compensation for their territory a question which has many fierce and has given much distress of mind to multitudes of kind hearted folk and indeed until it be totally and put to rest the worthy people of america can by no means enjoy the soil they with clear right and title and quiet the first source of right by which property is acquired in a country is discovery for as all mankind have an equal right to any thing which has never before been appropriated so any nation that an country and takes possession thereof is considered as enjoying full y and absolute empire this being admitted it follows clearly that the who first visited america were the real of the same nothing being necessary to the establishment of this fact but simply to prove that it was totally by man this would at first appear o be a point of some difficulty for it is well that this quarter of the world with certain animals that walked erect on two feet had something of the human countenance uttered b v c we v s c op the natives lain unintelligible sounds very much like language in short had a marvellous resemblance to human beings but the zealous and enlightened fathers who accompanied the for the purpose of the kingdom of heaven by establishing fat and on earth soon cleared up this point greatly to the satisfaction of his the pope and of all christian and they plainly proved and as there were no writers arose on the other side the fact was considered as fully admitted and established that the two le ed race of animals before mentioned were mere detestable monsters and many of them giants which last description of have the times of and been considered as and have received no quarter in either history chivalry or song indeed even the philosophic bacon declared the americans to be people by the laws of nature inasmuch as had a barbarous custom of sacrificing men and feeding upon man s flesh nor are these all the proofs of utter of tells us their is so visible that one can hardly form an idea of them from what one has of the brutes nothing the tranquillity of their souls v mc to and to prosperity thou y v i their want of naked they are as contented as a monarch in his most splendid array fear makes no impression on them and respect as little all this is supported by the authority of m it is not easy says he to describe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all its advantages one does not well know what motives to propose to them whence would persuade them to any service it is vain to offer them money they answer that they are not hungry and the whole assuring us that ambition they have none and are more desirous of being thought strong than the objects of ambition with us honour fame reputation riches posts and distinctions are un known among them so that this powerful spring of action the cause of so much seeming good and real evil in the world has no power over them in a word these unhappy mortals may be compared to in whom the development of is not completed all these peculiarities although in the states of greece they would have entitled their to immortal honour as having reduced to practice those rigid and the mere talking about which acquired certain old the reputation of and philosophers yet were they clearly proved in the present instance to a most abject and nature totally live a mere beasts but the benevolent fathers who had undertaken to turn these unhappy savages into dumb beasts by dint of argument advanced still stronger proofs for as certain of the sixteenth century and among the rest affirm the americans go naked and have no they have says of the reasonable except the mask and even that mask was allowed to avail them but little for it was soon found that they were of a hideous copper complexion and being of a copper it was	48
which has most been by the zealous and pious fathers of the church is the of the christian faith it was truly a sight that might well inspire horror to behold these savages ll dark mountains of pa and guilty o e want of most horrible ignorance of religion it is true they neither stole nor they were sober continent and faithful to their word but though they acted right habitually it was all in vain unless tliey acted so from the new comers therefore used every method to induce them to embrace and practise tlie true religion indeed that of setting them the example but notwithstanding all these complicated labours for their good such was the obstinacy of these stubborn wretches that they refused to acknowledge the as their and persisted in the doctrines they endeavoured to most that from their conduct the of christianity did not seem to in it themselves was not this too much for hu i man patience would not one suppose that the from europe provoked at their incredulity and discouraged by their ij obstinacy would forever have abandoned their shores and consigned them to their original ignorance and misery but no so zealous were they to effect the comfort and eternal salvation of these pagan that they even proceeded from tlie means of persuasion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution let loose among them whole troops of fiery and furious them bj fire and sword by d fu how in consequence of which measures the cause of christian love and charity was so advanced tliat in a very few years not one fifth of the number of existed in south america that were found there at the time of its discovery what stronger right need the european advance to the country than this have not whole nations of savages been made acquainted with a thousand imperious and indispensable comforts of which they were before wholly ignorant have they not been literally hunted and smoked out of the and lurking places of ignorance and and absolutely into the right path have not the things the vain and filthy of this world which were too apt to c their worldly and selfish thoughts been taken from them and have they not instead been taught to set their affections on things above and finally to use the words of a reverend spanish father in a letter to his superior in spain can any one have the presumption to say that these savage have yielded any thing more than an to their in to them a little pitiful tract of this dirty planet in exchange for a glorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven p j right by here then are three complete and sources of right established any one of which was more than ample to establish a property in the newly discovered regions of america now it has happened in certain parts of this delightful of the globe that the right of discover has been so asserted the influence of cultivation so extended and the progress of salvation aiid so that what with their wars diseases and other partial evils that often hang on the skirts of great benefits e have somehow or been bitterly and this all at once brings me to a fourth right which is worth all the others put together for the original to the soil being all dead and buried and t o one remaining to inherit or dispute the soil the as the next immediate occupants entered upon the possession the to the clothes of the and as have and all the learned of the law on their side they may set all actions of e at defiance and this last right may be entitled the right by or in other words the right by but lest an scruples of conscience should remain on this head and to settle the question of com b ii c i entitled to the s u right for ever his pope alexander vi issued a bull by which he generously granted the newly discovered quarter of the globe to the and who thus having law and gospel on their side and being with great spiritual zeal showed the pagan savages neither favour nor affection but the work of discovery civilization and with ten times more fury than ever thus were the european who first discovered america clearly entitled to the soil and not only entitled to the soil but likewise to the eternal thanks of these savages for having come so far endured so many perils by sea and land and taken such pains for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn and condition for having made them acquainted with the comforts of life for having introduced among them the light of religion an finally for having hurried them out of the world to enjoy its reward but as argument is never so well understood by us selfish mortals as when it comes home to ourselves and as i am particularly anxious that this question should be put to for ever i will suppose a parallel case by way of the candid attention of my readers let us suppose then that the inhabitants of the moon by astonishing advancement in science at a by profound into vol expedition from the moon the mere of which have of late years dazzled the feeble and the shallow brains of the good people of our globe let us suppose i say that the inhabitants of the moon by these means had arrived at such a of their energies j such an state as to the elements and tha boundless regions of space let us suppose a crew of these soaring philosophers in the course of an voyage of discovery among the stars should chance to alight upon this planet and here i	48
beg my readers will not have the to smile as is too frequently the fault of readers when tlie grave speculations of philosophers i am far from indulging in any vein at present nor is the supposition i have been making so wild as many may deem it it has long been a very serious and anxious question with me many a time and oft in the course of my overwhelming cares and for the welfare and of this my native planet have i lain awake whole nights in my mind whether it were most probable we should first discover and the moon or the moon discover and our globe neither would the of sailing in the air and among the stars be a whit more astonishing and incomprehensible to was the european tm w a v not a supposition floating castles through the world of waters to the simple savages we have already discovered the art of along the shores of our planet by means of as the savages had of venturing along their sea in and the een the former and the of the philosophers from the moon might be greater than that between the bark of the savages and the mighty ships of their i might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations but as they would be unimportant to my subject i abandon them to my reader particularly if he be a philosopher as matters well worthy of his attentive consideration to return then to my supposition let us suppose that the i have mentioned possessed of vastly superior knowledge to ourselves that is tp say possessed of superior knowledge in the art of riding on defended with impenetrable armed with concentrated sun beams and provided with vast engines to enormous moon stones in short let us suppose them if our vanity will permit the supposition as superior to us in knowledge and consequently in power as the were to the indians when they first discovered them all this is very possible it is only our self that makes us think otherwise and i warrant the poor savages before ty w l knowledge of the white men a v or the expedition terrors of glittering steel and tremendous were as perfectly convinced that they themselves were the wisest the most virtuous powerful and perfect of created as are at this present moment the inhabitants of old england the of france or even the self satisfied citizens of this most enlightened let us suppose moreover that the finding this planet to be nothing but a howling wilderness inhabited by us poor savages and wild beasts shall take formal possession of it in the name of his most gracious and philosophic the man in the moon finding however that their numbers are to hold it in complete on account of the ferocious of its inhabitants they shall take our worthy president the king of england the emperor of the mighty and the great king of and returning to their native planet shall carry them to court as were the indian chiefs led about as spectacles in the courts of europe then making such as etiquette of the court requires they shall man in the moon in as ne r ae i can conjecture the following terms most serene and mighty whose extend as far a eye ch who ri ai to the ix the hook o j on the great sun a a and com over tides and sea we tin subjects have just returned from a ago of in the course of which we have landed and taken possession of that obscure little planet which thou rolling at a distance the five uncouth monsters which we have brought into this august presence were once very important chiefs among their fellow savages who are a race of beings totally destitute of the common attributes of humanity and in every thing from file inhabitants of the moon inasmuch as they carry their heads upon their shoulders instead of under their arms have two eyes instead of one are utterly destitute of tails and of a variety of particularly of a horrible instead of green we have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the utmost ignorance and every man living with his own wife and his own children of indulging in that community of wives by the law of nature as by the philosophers of the moon in a word th y have a gleam of true hy them tut are in fact n and d taking compassion foi e on the ion of these address to the man in the hook wc endeavoured while we remained on their planet to introduce among them the light of reason and the comforts of the moon we have treated them to of and of which they swallowed with incredible particularly the females and we have likewise endeavoured to into them the of philosophy we have insisted upon their the contemptible of religion and common sense and the profound and all perfect energy and the immovable perfection but such was the obstinacy of these wretched savages that they persisted in to their wives and to their religion and absolutely set at the sublime doctrines of the moon nay among other abominable they even went so far as to declare that this planet was made of nothing more nor less than green cheese at these words the great man in the moon being a very profound philosopher shall fall into a terrible passion and possessing equal over things that do not belong to him as did his the pope shall issue a i bull that whereas a certain crew of have lately discovered and taken possession of a newly discovered planet the earth and that whereas it is inhabited the man in the moon s bull by non but a race of two legged animals that carry their heads on their	48
the preliminary chapters with the discovery population and final settlement of america were totally and superfluous and that the main business the history of new york is not a more advanced than if had never taken up my pen never were wise people more mistaken in their conjectures in consequence of going to work slowly and deliberately the church came out of my grandfather s hands one of j most goodly y and glorious ed v e described world ng that like our magnificent at washington it was begun on so grand a scale that the good folks could not afford to finish more than the wing of it so likewise i trust if ever i am able to finish this work on the plan i have commenced of which in simple truth i sometimes have my doubts it will be found that i have pursued the latest rules of my art as in the writings of all the great american and wrought a very large history out of a small subject which now a days is con one of the great triumphs of historic skill o proceed then with the thread of my story in the ever memorable year of our lord on a saturday morning the five and twentieth day of march old style did that worthy as he has justly been called master henry set sail from holland in a stout vessel called the half moon being employed by the dutch east india to seek a north west passage to china henry or as the dutch all him was a sea man of re who had learned to smoke tobacco under ir walter and is said to have been the first to introduce it into holland which gained i wm much popularity in that country and caused l great favour in the eyes of their ll the lords states general aiid a so honourable west india company he robert his mate a short square old gentleman with a double chin a mouth and a broad copper nose which was supposed in those days to have acquired its fiery hue from the constant neighbourhood of his tobacco pipe he wore a true tucked in a belt and a s cocked hat on one side of his head he was remarkable for always up his breeches when he gave out his orders and his voice sounded not unlike the of a tin owing to the number of hard north which he had swallowed in the course of his sea such was of whom we have heard so much and know so little and i have been thus particular in his description for the benefit of modern painters and that they may represent him as he was and not according to their common custom with modern heroes make him look like caesar or or the of as c mate and favourite companion the master robert of in by some his name has been and ascribed to the circumstance of his having been the first man that ever tobacco but this i believe to be a mere more especially as certain of his are living at s who write their names he was an old comrade and early oi t his journal with whom he had often played and boats in a neighbouring pond when they were little boys from whence it is said the first derived his bias towards a life certain it is that the old people about declared robert to be an unlucky prone to mischief that would one day or other come to the gallows he grew up as boys of that kind often grow up a rambling heedless tossed about in all quarters of the world meeting with more perils and wonders than did the sailor without growing a whit more wise prudent or ill natured under every misfortune he comforted himself with a of tobacco and the truly philosophic that it will be all the same thing a hundred years hence he was skilled in the art of carving and true lovers knots on the bulk heads and quarter and was considered a great wit on board ship in consequence of his playing on every body around and and then even making a face at old when his back was turned to this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerning this voyage of which he wrote a at the request of the who had aversion to writing received so many about it when at school to y e de of journal s during with true log book i availed myself of divers family traditions down from my great great grandfather who accompanied the expedition in the capacity of cabin boy from all that i can learn few incidents worthy of remark happened in the voyage and it me exceedingly that i have to admit so noted an expedition into my work without making any more of it suffice it to say the voyage was prosperous and tranquil the crew being a patient people much given to slumber and and but little troubled with the disease of thinking a malady of the mind which is the sure of discontent had laid in abundance of gin and sour and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless the wind blew true it is some slight dissatisfaction was shown on two or three occasions at certain unreasonable conduct of thus for instance he to sail when the wind was light and the weather serene which was considered among the most experienced dutch as certain weather or it the weather would change for the worse acted moreover in direct contradiction to that ancient and sage rule of the dutch who always took in sail at night put the a port and turned in by which precaution they had a good rest were sure of where they the were tlie next morning and	48
stood but little chance of running down a continent in the dark he likewise the from wearing more than five and six pair of breeches under pretence of rendering them more alert and no man was permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in his mouth as is the invariable dutch custom at the present day all these though they might for a moment the constitutional tranquillity of the honest dutch made but transient impression they eat drank and slept and being under the especial guidance of providence the ship was safely conducted to the coast of america where after sundry unimportant and off and on she at length on the fourth day of september entered that majestic b y which at this day its ample bosom before the city of new york and which had never before been visited by any european true it is an i i am not ignorant of the fact that in a certain book of voyages by one is to be found a letter written to francis the first by one or john on which some writers are inclined to found a belief that this delightful bay had been visited nearly a century previous to e voyage of the now this it has met with the countenance of certain very judicious and learned men i hold in utter and that for various and substantial reasons first because on strict that the description or a it has been in oar family that when great was first blessed with a view of island he was observed for the first and only time in his life to exhibit strong symptoms of astonishment and admiration he is said to have turned to master uttered these remarkable words while he pointed towards this paradise of the new world see f there and thereupon as was always his way he was uncommonly pleased he did out such clouds of dense tobacco smoke that in one minute applies about as well to the bay of new york as it does to my cap i because this for whom i already to f el a most bitter enmity is a native of and every body knows the of these by which they away the from tlie brows oi the immortal called and bestowed their and i make no doubt they are equally ready to rob the illustrious of the credit of discovering this beautiful l adorned by the city of new york and placing it beside their discovery of south america and i my decision in favour of the pretensions of inasmuch as his expedition sailed from holland being truly and absolutely a dutch enterprise and though all the proofs in the world were introduced on the other side i would set them at as my attention if these reasons be not sufficient to satisfy every of this ancient all j say is are ai ts from their dutch ancestors w the l o of convincing thus therefore to hia renowned discovery ia c beautiful the vessel was out of sight of and master was fain to wait until the winds dispersed this impenetrable fog it was indeed as my great great grandfather used to though in truth i never heard him for he died as might be expected before was bom it was indeed a spot on which the eye might have for ever in ever new and never ending beauties the island of spread wide before them like some sweet vision of fancy or some fair creation of industrious magic its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above another crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth some pointing their foliage towards the clouds which were transparent and loaded of vines bowing their to the earth tliat was covered with flowers on ae gentle of the hills were scattered in gay profusion the dog wood the and the wild whose scarlet and white blossoms glowed among the deep green of the surrounding foliage and here and there a curling column of smoke rising from the little that opened along the shore seemed to promise the weary a welcome at the hands of their fellow creatures as tliey stood gazing with attention on the scene before them a red man crown d with feathers issued from oi e oi these s r in silent as q sat like a stately w m is a red man swimming on a silver lake sounded the and bounded into the woods like a deer to the utter astonishment of the who had never heard such a noise o witnessed such a in their whole lives of the transactions of our with the savages and how the latter smoked copper pipes and ate dried how they brought store of tobacco and how they shot on of the ship s crew and how he was buried i say nothing that i consider them ant to my history after a few days u the bay in order to refresh themselves after sea our weighed anchor to ex a mighty river which emptied into the bay this river it is said was known among the by the name of the though we an assured in an excellent little history published ii by john that it was the and master richard wh wrote some time afterwards the same s that i very much incline in favour of the of these two honest gentlemen be this as it may up this river did the adventurous pro little doubting but it would turn out to b the much looked for passage to china the journal goes on to make mention of between the crew and the natives ii river is likewise laid down in s map ail m an i c t s notable device the voyage up the river but as they would be impertinent to my history i shall pass over them in	48
silence except the following dry joke played off by the old and his school fellow robert which does such vast credit to their ex philosophy that i cannot refrain from it our master and his mate determined to try some of the men of the whether they had any in them so they them into the cabin and gave them so much wine and that they were all and one of them had his wife with him so modestly as any of our women would do in a strange place in the end one of them was which had been of our ship all the time that we had been there and that was strange to them for they could not tell how to take it having satisfied himself by this ingenious experiment that the natives were an honest social race of jolly who had no objection to a drinking bout and were very merry in their cups the old chuckled to himself and thrusting a double of tobacco in his cheek directed master to have it carefully for the satisfaction of all the natural philosophers of the university of which done he proceeded on his voyage with great after sailing however above x makes a able miles up tlie river he found the world around him began more shallow and confined the current more rapid and perfectly fresh phenomena not uncommon in the ascent of rivers but which puzzled the honest a consultation was therefore called and having full six hours they were brought to a determination by the ship s running whereupon they that there was but little chance of getting to in this direction a boat however was despatched to explore higher up the river which on its return confirmed the opinion upon this the ship was and put about with great difficulty being like most of her sex exceedingly hard to govern and the adventurous according to the account of my great great grandfather returned down the river with a prodigious in his ear being satisfied that there was little of getting to china unless like the blind man he returned from whence he sat out and took a fresh start he forthwith the sea to holland where he was received with great welcome by the honourable east india company who were very much rejoiced to him come back safe with their ship and at a large and respectable meeting of the first merchants and of it was determined that as a reward for the he rewarded bad performed and the important discovery he had made the river should be called after his name and it continues to be called river unto this very day v another expedition sets out chapter ii containing an account of a mighty ark which floated under the protection of st from holland to island the descent of the strange animals a great victory and a description of the ancient village of com the accounts given by the great and master of the country they had excited not a little talk and speculation among the good people of holland letters patent were granted by government to association of merchants called the west india company for the exclusive trade on river on which they erected a trading house called fort or orange from whence did spring the great city of but forbear to dwell on the various commercial and which took place among which was that of block who discovered and gave a name to block island since famous for its cheese and confine myself to that gave birth to this renowned city it was some three or four years after the return of the immortal that a crew of honest dutch set sail from c t f o am tt the for the shores of america it is an loss to history and a great proof of the of the age and the lamentable neglect of the noble art of book making since so cultivated by knowing sea captains and learned that an expedition so interesting and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence to my great great grandfather am i again indebted for the few facts i enabled to give concerning it he having once more embarked for this country with a full determination as he said of ending his days here and of a race of that should rise to be great men in the land the ship in which these illustrious set sail was called the or good woman in con to the wife of the president of the west india company who was allowed by every body except her husband to be a sweet tempered lady when not in li it was i n truth a most gallant vessel of the most approved dutch construction and made by the ship of who it is well known always model their ships after the fair forms of their accordingly it ne hundred feet in the beam one hundred feet in the and one hundred feet from the bottom of the stern post to the like the model declared to he tlie greatest in it was full in tlie bows with a pair of description op the cat heads a copper bottom and withal a most prodigious the who was somewhat of a man far from the ship with pagan such as or which i have no doubt occasion the misfortunes and of many a noble vessel he say on the contrary did erect for a a goodly image of st equipped with a low broad bat a huge pair of trunk and a pipe that reached to the end of the thus gallantly furnished the ship floated sideways like a majestic goose out of the harbour of the great city of and all the bells that were not otherwise engaged rang a triple on the joyful occasion my great great grandfather remarks	48
he world that the country is still under the of their high and that the ity of new york still goes by the name of they meet every saturday afternoon it the only tavern in the place which bears as a a square headed likeness of the prince of range where they smoke a silent pipe by way i social and invariably a of to the success of admiral an who they imagine is still sweeping he british channel with a at his in short is one of the numerous villages in the vicinity of this most beautiful f cities which are so many strong holds and whither the primitive manners of our dutch have retreated and where they arc cherished with devout and scrupulous dress of the original is handed down from father to son the identical broad hat broad skirted coat and broad breeches continue from generation to and several gigantic knee of silver are still in wear that made gallant display in the days of the the language likewise a if their manners dress language c by barbarous and so cr correct is the village school master in hi dialect that his reading of a dutch has much the same effect on the nerves as th of a e with indians chapter iii h which is set forth the true art of making a gain together with the miraculous escape of a great metropolis in a fog and the biography of certain heroes of having in the trifling which the last chapter discharged the filial duty which the city of new york owed to as being the mother settlement and having given faithful picture of it as it stands at present i return with a soothing sentiment of to dwell upon its early history the crew of the being soon the settlement went on increasing in magnitude and prosperity the neighbouring indians in a short time became accustomed to the uncouth sound of the dutch language and an intercourse gradually took place between them and the new comers the indians were much given to long talks and the dutch to long silence in this particular therefore they each other completely the chiefs would make long speeches about the big bull the and the great spirit to e x would listen very attentively weight of a s foot their pipes and her the poor savages were delighted they instructed the new in the best art of and tobacco while the latter in return made them drunk with true and then learned them the art of making a brisk trade for was soon opened the h were honest in their dealings and purchased by weight it as an invariable table of that the hand of a weighed one pound and his foot two pounds it is true the simple were often puzzled by the great between bulk and weight for let them place a bundle of never so large in one and a put his hand or foot in the other the bundle was sure to kick the beam never was a of known to weigh more than two pounds in the market of this is a singular fact but i have it direct from my great great grandfather who had risen to considerable importance in the colony being j to the office of weigh master on account of the uncommon of his foot the dutch possessions in this part of the globe began now to assume a very appearance nd were comprehended under the general title of on account as the sage of their the dutch k a means of salvation i excepting that the former were rugged and and the latter level and about this time the tranquillity of the dutch was doomed to a temporary interruption in captain sir samuel sailing under a commission from governor of vii visited the dutch on river and demanded their submission to the english crown and dominion to this demand as they were in no condition to resist it they submitted for the time like discreet and reasonable men it does not appear that the the settlement of on i am told that when his vessel first in sight the worthy were seized with such a panic that they fell to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence that they quickly raised a cloud which with the surrounding woods and completely enveloped and concealed their beloved village and the fair regions of so that the terrible captain passed on totally that a sturdy little dutch settlement lay in the mud under cover of all this in of this fortunate escape the worthy inhabitants to smoke almost without very day which is to be the c i a u of the remarkable fog that often hangs over com of a clear afternoon upon the departure of the enemy our ancestors took full six months to recover their wind having been exceedingly by the consternation and hurry of they then called a council of safety to smoke over the state of the province after six months more of mature deliberation during which five hundred words were spoken and almost as much tobacco was smoked as would have a certain modern through a whole winter s campaign of hard drinking it was determined to fit out an of and despatch them on a voyage of discovery to if some more sure and position might not be found where the would be less subject to this perilous was to th of van and four great men but of whose history although i hav made inquiry i can learn but little pre to their leaving holland nor need this oc much surprise for like pro though they make great noise abroad seldom in their own countries tiu much is certain that the and o f of a country are o privilege op heroes the richest parts of the soil and here	48
t cannot help remarking how convenient it would he to many of our great men and doubtful origin could they have the privilege of the heroes of who whenever their was involved in obscurity modestly announced descended from a god and who never visited a foreign country but what they told some cock and bull stories about their being kings and princes at home this on the truth though it has played and other illustrious fo in our land of good natured red u lily has been completely in tliis matter of fact age and even whether any tender virgin who was accidentally and enriched with a would save her character at parlour sides and evening tea parties the phenomenon to a swan a shower of l or a river got thus denied the benefit of m iii v and classic fable i should liave been completely at a loss as to the early h of my hen s not a gleam of light been thrown upon from their names by this simple means have i been enabled to gather some concerning the a i en i ill van for was one of providence for a and g a dutch enjoy a free and estate in sunshine he was usually arrayed in garments suitable to his foi tune being curiously fringed and by the hand of time and was with an old of a hat which had acquired the shape of a ar loaf and so far did he carry his contempt for the distinction of dress that it is said the remnant of a shirt which covered his back and like a pocket handkerchief out of a hole in his breeches was never washed except by the showers of heaven in this garb was he usually to be seen himself at noon day with a herd of of the same on the side of the great canal of like your nobility of europe he took his name of or lack land from his landed estate which lay some in of the next of our might i have had the benefit of assistance the want of which i have just lamented should have made honourable mention as illustrious with the of antiquity his name was van which being freely translated the dirt meaning beyond a doubt that like the and the he sprang from dame or the earth this supposition is strongly hy his size for it is well known that all the q mother ol ua k tough breeches and ten breeches and van we are old was a tall raw man above six feet high with an hard head nor is this origin of the illustrious van a whit more improbable or to belief than what is related and universally admitted of certain of our greatest or rather richest men who we are told with the utmost gravity did originally spring from a of the third hero but a faint description has reached to this time which that he was a sturdy obstinate bustling little man and from being usually equipped with an old pair of was familiarly or tough breeches ten completed this of it is a singular but ludicrous fact which were i not scrupulous in the whole truth i should almost be tempted to pass over in silence as with the gravity and dignity of history that this worthy gentleman should likewise have been from the most part of his dress in fact the small clothes seems to have been a very important garment in tlie eyes of our ancestors owing in all probability to its really being the largest article of among them the name of ten or tin is indifferently translated into j the to the former v w i of ten breeches it to his being the first who introduced into tlie settlement the ancient dutch fashion of wearing ten pair of breeches but the most elegant and ingenious writers on ihe subject declare in favour of tin or rather breeches from whence they infer that he was a poor but rogue whose were none of the sounds est and who was the identical author of that truly philosophical then why should we quarrel for riches or any such toys a ht heart and thin pair of breeches will go through the world my brave boys such was the gallant chosen to conduct tliis voyage into unknown and the whole was put under the care and direction of van who was held in great reverence among the of for the variety and darkness of his knowledge having as i before observed passed a great part of his life in the open air among the philosophers of he had become well acquainted with the aspect of the heavens and could as accurately determine when a storm was or a rising as a dutiful can foresee from the brow of his when a tempest is gathering ha moreover a great of o wa j van a prophet and a firm in but what especial y recommended him to public confidence was his marvellous talent at dreaming for there never was any thing of consequence happened at but what he declared he had previously it being one of those who always events after they have come to pass this supernatural gift was as highly valued among the of as it was among the enlightened nations of antiquity the wise was more indebted to his sleeping than his waking moments for all his subtle achievements and seldom undertook any great without first soundly sleeping upon it and tlie same may truly be said of tlie good van who was thence the tliis cautious commander having chosen the tliat should accompany him in the proposed expedition them to repair to their homes take a good night s rest settle all family and make their wills before departing on this voyage into unknown and indeed this last was a precaution always taken b	48
our forefathers even in after times when they became more adventurous and to or or any ot et that lay beyond the great waters ot s golden clouds and cr chapter iv how the heroes of to gate and how they were received there and now the rosy blush of began to man tie in the east and soon the rising sun emerging from amidst go den and purple clouds shed his rays on the tin of it was that delicious season of the year when nature breaking from the of old winter like a blooming from the tyranny of a sordid old father threw herself blushing with ten thousand charms into the arms of youthful spring every and blooming grove with the notes of love the very insects as they the dew that the tender grass of the meadows joined in the joyous the virgin bud timidly put forth its the voice of the was heard in the land and the heart of man dissolved away in tenderness oh sweet had i thine reed wherewith thou charm the gay plains or oh gentle i thy pastoral pipe v op the expedition the rural beauties of the but having nothing save this wherewith to wing my flight i must fain resign all po of the fancy and pursue my narrative in humble prose comforting myself with the hope that may not steal so sweetly upon the imagination of my reader it commend itself with vii n modesty to his better judgment clothed in the and simple garb of truth no sooner did the first rays of cheerful dart into the windows of than the little settlement was all in motion forth issued from his castle the sage van and seizing a shell blew a far blast that soon summoned all his followers then did they resolutely down to the water side escorted by a multitude of relatives and friends who all went down as the common phrase expresses it to see them off and this shows he antiquity of those long family often seen in our city composed of all ages sizes and sexes laden with bundles and some of country cousins about to depart for home in a market boat the good bestowed his forces in a of three and hoisted his flag on board round dutch boat shaped not which bad formerly been thej boat o o f being embarked t a throng s origin of two islands shouting after them even when out of hearing wishing them a happy voyage them to take good care of themselves not to get drowned with an abundance other of those sage and invaluable generally given by to such as go down to the sea in ships and adventure upon the deep waters in the mean while the cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay and soon left behind them the green shores of ancient and touched at two small islands which lie nearly opposite and wliich are said to have been brought into existence about the time of the great of the when it broke through the and made its way to the ocean for in this tremendous uproar of the waters we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land were rent from the mountains it is a matter long since established by certain of our philosophers that is to say having been often advanced and never contradicted it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a settled fact tl at the originally a lake up by the mountains of the in process of time however very mighty and and the mountains and weak in the back by reason of extreme old age it suddenly rose upon them and after a violent struggle its escape this is said to have come to pass in remote time probably before that mere lost the art if running up hill the is i m i do not to be skilled ft the originally a lake and swept down by this river for sixty or seventy miles where some of them ran on the just opposite and formed the identical islands in question while others drifted out to sea and were never heard of more a sufficient proof of the fact is that the rock which forms the of these islands is exactly similar to that of the and moreover one of our philosophers who has diligently compared the agreement of their respective has even gone so far as to assure me in confidence that island was originally nothing more nor less than a on s nose leaving these wonderful little they next by governor s island since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning they would by no means however land upon this island since they doubted much it might be the abode of and spirits which in those days did greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country just at this time a of jolly came rolling and tumbling by turning up their sleek sides to the sun and up the element in sparkling showers no sooner did the sage mark this than he was greatly rejoiced this exclaimed he if i mistake not well the is a fat well a among w if an omen looks ease and greatly admire this round fat and doubt n but this is a happy omen of success of oi undertaking so saying he directed his to steer in the tract of these turning therefore directly to the left the up the strait called the east r ter and here the rapid tide which course through this strait seizing on the gallant tub i which van had ed hurried it forward with a in a dutch boat by that the good who had a his life long been accustomed only to the of was more than ever that ihey were in the hands	48
of some si power and that the jolly were them to some fair haven that was fulfil all their wishes and expectations thus borne away by the current the doubled that boisterous point of land since s hook and leaving to the right the winding of the they drifted int a magnificent expanse of water surrounded i pleasant shores whose was exceeding refreshing to the eye while the looking around them on what they conceived be a serene and sunny lake they beheld at a properly i e ol of s a crew of painted savages busily employed ill who seemed more like the of this romantic re their slender like a feather on the surface of the bay at sight of these the hearts of the heroes of were not a troubled but as good fortune would have it at the bow of the s boat was stationed a very named which l interpreted means chicken a name given him in token of his courage no sooner did he behold these than lie trembled with excessive and although a good half mile distant he seized a that lay at hand and turning away his head fired it most in the face of the blessed sun the weapon and gave the an kick that laid him prostrate with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat but such was the effect of this tremendous fire that the wild men of the woods struck with consternation seized hastily upon their and shot away into one of the deep of the long island shore this signal victory gave new spirits to the hardy and in honour of the achievement they gave the name of the to the surrounding bay and it has continued to be called s bay from that time to the present i the good van having a consultation his own was a great admirer of other people at the prospect of rich ui settled country around him and falling into delicious reverie he straightway began to riot the possession of vast meadows of salt marsh ai interminable patches of from th vision he was all at once awakened the sudden turning of the tide which would so have hurried him from this land of promise hj not the discreet given signal to for shore where they accordingly landed hai by the rocky heights of that retreat where our jolly eat for the go of the city and the that are on here seated on the green by the side a small stream that ran sparkling among the they refreshed themselves after the toils of tl seas by on the ample stores they had provided for this perilous voyage th ha well fortified r powers th fell into an earnest consultation what was to be done this was the first council dinner ev eaten at by christian and her as tradition relates did the great between the and the te which afterwards had a singular on tlie building of the city the sturdy whose eyes had been ed the salt a y i ik of a along the coast at the bottom of s by all means to return thither and found the intended city this was opposed by the ten and many arguments passed between them the particulars of this have not reached us which is ever to be lamented this much is certain that the sage put an end lo the dispute by to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious had so clearly pointed out whereupon the sturdy tough breeches abandoned the expedition took possession of a neighbouring hill and in a of great wrath peopled all tliat tract of country which has continued to be inhabited by tlie unto this very day by this time the jolly like some wanton sporting on the side of a green hill began to roll down the of the heavens and now the tide having once more turned in favour the resolute again committed themselves to its discretion and along the western shores were borne towards the straits of s island and here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a httle marvel and perplexity to these illustrious now would they be caught by the wanton and sweeping a would wind deep into sou e that the fair jo the expedition proceeds now were they hurried narrowly by the very basis of impending rocks with the vine and crowned with groves that threw a shade on the waves beneath and anon they were borne away into the mid and along with a rapidity that very much the sage van who as he saw the land swiftly receding on either side began exceedingly to doubt that was giving them the slip wherever the turned their eyes a new creation seemed to bloom around no signs of human appeared to check the delicious of nature who here in all her luxuriant variety those hills now like the with rows of vain plants of wealth and fashion were then adorned with the vigorous natives of the oil the oak the generous chestnut the graceful elm while here and there the tree reared his majestic head the giant of the forest where now are seen the of luxury half buried in twilight s whence the oft breathes the of some city there the fish hawk built his nest on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain the timid deer fed undisturbed along those shores now by ihe lover s moonlight and printed by the slender foot of beauty and a savage solitude extended o et x o sa through a delightful regions where now arc reared the stately towers of the jones s the and the thus gliding in silent wonder these new and unknown scenes the gallant s of swept by the foot of a that forth into the waves and seemed to frown upon them as they against its	48
base this is the bluff well known to modem by the name of s point from the fair castle which like an elephant it carries upon its back and here broke upon their view a wild and varied prospect where land and water were as though they had combined to and set each other s a charms to their right lay the point of i s island in the fresh of living green beyond it stretched the pleasant coast of and the small harbour well known by the name of s a place famous in latter days by reason of its being the haunt of who these seas and patches and insulting gentlemen when in their pleasure boats to the left a deep bay or creek gracefully between shores fringed with forests and forming a kind of vista through which were beheld the regions of and east here e i t i a sudden disaster posed with delight on a richly wooded country by shadowy intervals and waving lines of swelling above each other while over the whole the purple mists of spring diffused a hue of soft just before them the grand course of the stream making a sudden bend wound among and shores of that seemed to melt into the wave a character of gentleness and mild prevailed around the sun had just descended and the thin haze of twilight like di transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty heightened the charms which it half concealed ah scenes of foul delusion ah gazing with simple wonder on these shores such alas are they easy souls who listen to the of a wicked world treacherous are its smiles fatal its caresses he who to its upon a tide and feeble bark among the of a and thus it with the of who little the scene before them drifted quietly on until they were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agitation o their vessels for now the late began to around them and the waves u boil and foam with fury awakened si in the pot it from a dream the astonished aloud to put about but his words were lost amid the roaring of the waters and now ensued a scene of consternation at one time they were borne with dreadful among tumultuous at another hurried down boisterous now they were nearly dashed upon ihe hen and chickens infamous rocks more than and her and anon they seemed sinking into yawning that threatened to them beneath the waves all the elements combined to produce a hideous confusion the waters raged the winds howled and as they were hurried g several of the astonished beheld the rocks and trees of the neighbouring shores driving h the air at length the mighty tub of van was drawn into the of tremendous called the pot where it was k whirled about in giddy until il e senses of the good commander and his crew v overpowered by the horror of the scene and the strangeness of the revolution how the gallant of wag snatched from the jaws of this modern has never been truly made known for so many survived to tell the tale and wliat is still more wonderful told it in so ways that there has ever prevailed a great variety q on the thk at ll as to the and his crew when thej to their senses they found on the long island shore the worthy indeed used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in this time of peril how that he saw flying in the air and heard the yelling of and put his hand into the pot when they were whirled around and found the water hot and beheld several uncouth looking beings seated on rocks and it with huge but particularly he declared with great exultation that he saw the which had betrayed them into this peril some on the and others hissing in the pan these however were considered by many as mere of the s imagination while he lay in a trance especially as he was known to be given to dreaming and the truth of them has never been clearly ascertained it is certain however that to the accounts of and his followers may be traced the various tions handed down of this marvellous as how the devil has been seen there sitting of the s back and playing on the fiddle how he fish there before a storm and many other stories in which we must be cautious of putting too much faith in consequence of all these c circumstances the gave this pass the name of ot a of gate interpreted hell gate which it continues to bear at the present this is strait in the sound at the distance of miles new york it is to shipping unless under the care of skilful hy reason of numerous rocks shelves and these have received sundry such as the fr back pot c and are very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide certain wise men who instruct these modem days have softened the above characteristic name into gate wliich means nothing i leave them to g ve their own the name as given by our author is supported by the map in s history published in by s history of america as also by a journal still written in the th century and to be found in hazard s state papers and an old ms written speaking of various alterations in names about this city de he ie d lis ont d the dispersed chapter v how the heroes of returned some what wiser than they went and how the sage dreamed a dream and the dream that he dreamed the darkness of night had closed upon this disastrous day and a night was it to the whose ears	48
were incessantly assailed with the raging of the elements and the howling of the that this strait but the dawned the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away and had disappeared the stream again ran smooth and j and having changed its tide rolled gently back towards the quarter where lay their much regretted home the wo heroes of eyed each other with countenances their had been totally dispersed by the late disaster some were cast upon the western shore where headed by one they took possession of all the country lying about the six which is he d j c t at present ten breeches sure the were driven by stress of weather coast where having with them a of genuine they were enabled to the savages setting up a kind of tavern from whence it is said did spring the fair town of in which their descendants have ever since continued to be as to the they were thrown upon the long island coast and may still be found in those parts but the most singular luck attended the great ten who falling overboard was preserved from sinking by the multitude of big garments thus up he floated on the waves like a until he landed safely on a rock where he was found the next busily drying his many breeches in the sun shine i forbear to treat of the long consultation of our how they determined that it would not do to found a city in this neighbourhood and how at length with fear and trembling they ventured once more upon the element and their course back for suffice it in simple to bay that after toiling back through the scenes of their yesterday s voyage they at length opened the southern point of and gained a distant view of their beloved and here y were opposed by an that resisted all the of t c weary md ihey ii i j arrival at longer make head against the power of the tide or rather as some will have it of old who anxious to guide them to a spot whereon should be founded his strong hold in tliis western world sent half a score of potent thai rolled the tub of van and dry on the shores of having thus in a manner been guided by supernatural power to this delightful island their first care was to a fire at the foot of a large tree that stood upon the point at present called the battery then gathering together great store oi which on the shore and the contents of their they prepared and made a council the worthy van was observed to be particular ly zealous in his to the foi having the cares of the expedition especially committed to his care he deemed it incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good in proportion as he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty before him did the heart of this excellent rise up towards his throat he seemed crammed and eating and good nature and at such times it is when a man s heart is in his throat that he m ore truly be said to speak from it and his speeches abound with kindness and good fellowship thus the worthy having swallowed the last and x van s dream felt his heart yearning and his whole in manner with unbounded benevolence every thing around him seemed excellent and delightful and laying his hands on each side of his and rolling hi i half closed eyes around on the beautiful of land and water before him he exclaimed in a t half smothered voice what a charming prospect words died away in his throat he seemed to on the fair scene for a moment his eye heavily closed over their his head drooped upon his bosom he slowly sunk upon the green turf and a deep sleep stole gradually upon him and the sage dreamed a dream and lo the good st came riding over the tops of the trees in that self same wherein he brings his yearly presents to children and he came and descended hard bv where the heroes of had made their late and te shrewd van knew him by his broad hat his long pipe and the resemblance which he bore to the figure on the bow of the and he lit his pipe by the fire and sat himself down and smoked and as h smoked the smoke from his pipe ascended into the air and spread hke a cloud over head and him and he hastened and to the top of one of the trees and l v v spread a great extent of the dream interpreted and as be considered it more h fancied that the great volume of smoke assumed variety of marvellous forms where in dim he saw out palaces and an lofty all of which lasted but a and then faded away until the whole rolled of and nothing but the green woods were left an when st had smoked his pipe he ed it in his hat band and laying his finger his nose gave the astonished van very significant look then mounting his he returned over the tree tops and disappeared and van awoke from his sleep ly instructed and he aroused his companions at related to them his dream and interpreted it it was the will of st that they settle down and build the city here and thi the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast be the extent of the city inasmuch as the v of its should spread over a wide e tent of country and they all with one voice fl to this interpretation excepting ten who declared the meaning to it should be a city wherein a little fire should o a great smoke or in	48
other words a little city both which have strangely come to pass the great object of their perilous therefore being thus happily accomplished tl returned merrily ik they were received with great and here calling a general meeting of all the wise men and the of they related the whole history of their voyage and of the dream of van and the people lifted up their voices and blessed the good st and from that time forth the sage van was held in more honour than ever for his great talent at dreaming and was pronounced a most useful citizen and a right good man when he was asleep vol an attempt at the chapter vl containing an attempt at and of th of the great city of new the original name of the island wherein thi of was thus thrown is a matter of some dispute and has undergone considerable y proof of the of all things and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame for who can expect his name will live to when even the names of mighty islands ar thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty the name most current at the present day am which is by the great his is which i said to have originated in a custom among tb in settlement of wearing men hats as is still done among many tribes hence as we are told by an old governor who was some what of a wag and flourished a j and had paid a visit to the wits of hence arose the of man hat on to the indian and afterwards u the island a stupid joke but well enough fo a governor i of the name l o among the more f information on this sub is that lo of he american possessions in g wherein it is called and nor must fi t he excellent little book full of precious of that historian john ho e i re sly calls it still more ancient and hy the countenance of our ever to i e lamented dutch ancestors is that found in certain letters still which pa between tlie early and their powers wherein it is called and which are unimportant variations of the same name for our wise s sat little store bv e in or which ihe sole study and ambition of many learned men and women of this age this last name is said to be derived from the great indian spirit who was supposed to make this island his favourite abode on account of i s delights for the indian traditions that the bay was once a lake filled v ith silver and golden fish in the midst of which lay this island covered with every variety of fruits and flowers but that the sudden f a col from of the laid waste these scenes and took his flight beyond the great waters of these however are legends to which very cautious must be given and although i am willing to admit the last quoted of the name as very suitable for prose yet is there another one founded on still more ancient and authority which i particularly delight in seeing that it is at once poetical melodious and significant and this is recorded in the before mentioned voyage of the great written by master who clearly and correctly calls it that is to say the island of or in other words a land flowing with milk and honey it having been solemnly resolved that the seat of empire should be transferred from the green shores of to this island a vast multitude embarked and across the lie under of the was appointed protector or patron to the new settlement and here let me bear testimony to the s honesty and of our worthy fore who purchased the soil of the native indians before a single roof a circumstance singular and almost in the annals of a i and a new settlement ll the first settlement was made on the point of the island on the very spot where the good st had appeared in the dream here they built a mighty and fort and trading house called fort which stood on that eminence at present occupied by the custom house with the open space now called the green in front around this potent fortress was soon seen a numerous of little dutch houses with roofs all which seemed most lovingly to under its w like a brood of half chickens sheltered under the wings of the mother hen the whole was surrounded by an of strong to guard against any sudden of the savages who wandered in about the and forests that extended over those country at ay wall street william street and pearl p no sooner was the colony once plant it took root and for it w jl seem tliat this thrice favoured island is like a hill where every foreign weed ds kindly nourishment and soon shoots up and to greatness and now the infant settlement having advanced in age and stature it was thought high time it should receive an honest and it was accordingly called new t u there were some advocate the x g out indian name and many of the best writers of the p did long ic to call it by the title of the ma but this was by the authorities as and savage besides it was considered an excellent and measure to name it after a great city of the old world as by that means it was induced to the greatness and renown of its in the manner that little are called after great saints and and renowned of upon which they all copy their examples and come to be very mighty men in their day and generation the state of the settlement and the ra i i i	48
increase of houses gradually awakened the good e from a deep into which he had fallen after the fort he now began think it was time some plan should be devised od which the built sum j therefore his and y took pipe in mouth and forthwith sunk into a very sound deliberation on tlie subject at the very outset of the business an unexpected difference of opinion arose and i mention it with much as being the first on record in the of new it wai a breaking forth of the grudge and that had existed between those two eminent and f ver since tl ei r ist to i and breeches the great had wealthy and powerful fro ii his embraced the whole chain of that stretched the gulf of s t and from part of which his descendants e been in latter ages bv the of the jones s and the in ingenious plan for the city was by who proposed that it should cut up and by after the of the most admired cities in holland to was suggesting in place thereof that tliey should out and by means of piles en into the bottom of the river on which the n should be built by these means said he shall we rescue a considerable of territory from these immense rivers and id a city that shall rival my city in europe to this ten or ten breeches replied li a look of as much scorn as he could he cast the utmost censure upon the n of his as being preposterous and the very order of things as he would leave j very true for what said he a town without it is like a body and and must perish for il t l free circulation of the vital ri on the con retorted the upon his who was somewhat oi an arid dry habit he remarked tliat as to the circulation of the blood being necessary to existence ten breeches was a living contradiction to his own assertion for every body knew there had not a drop of blood through his wind dried for good ten years and yet there was not a greater busy body in the whole colony have seldom much effect in making in argument nor have i ever seen a man convinced of error by being convicted of at least such was not the case at present ten breeches was very in reply and tou h breeches who was a sturdy little man and gave up the last word rejoined with increasing spirit ten breeches had the advantage of the greatest but tough breeches had that invaluable coat of mail in argument called obstinacy ten breeches had therefore the most but tough breeches the best bottom so that though ten breeches made a dreadful about ears ai d battered and him with hard words and sound arguments yet tough breeches hung on most resolutely to the last they parted therefore as is usual in all arguments where both parties are in the right without coming to any conclusion but they hated each other most heartily for ever after and a similar breach with that between tlie houses of ca the city s picturesque m did between the families of ten breeches and tough breeches i would not fatigue my reader with these dull matters of fact but that my duty as a faithful historian requires that i should be particular and in truth as i am now treating of the critical period when our city like a young first received the and turns that have since contributed to give it the present picturesque for which it is celebrated i cannot be too minute in their first causes after the unhappy i have just mentioned i do not find tliat any thing was said on the subject worthy of being recorded the council consisting of the largest and oldest heads in the community met regularly once a week to on this momentous subject but either they were by the war of words they had witnessed or they were naturally averse to the exercise of the tongue and the consequent exercise of the brains certain it is the most profound silence was maintained the question as usual lay on the table the members quietly smoked their pipes making but few laws without ever any and id the mean time the of the settlement went on as it pleased god as most of the council were but little skilled i the mystery of pot hooks am il determined most to growth op the either themselves or posterity with records the secretary however kept the minutes of the council with tolerable precision in a large fastened with y brass the journal of each meeting d but of two lines stating in dutch that the council sat this day and smoked twelve pipes on the affairs of the colony by which it appears that tjie first did not their time by hours but pipes in the same manner as they measure distances in holland at this very time an admirably exact as a pipe in the mouth of a true born is never liable to those accidents and that are continually putting our out of order in this manner did the profound council of new smoke and and from week to week month to month and year to year in what manner they should their infant settlement mean while the town took care of itself and like a sturdy which is suffered to run about wild by and and other by which your notable nurses and sage old women and the children of men increased so rapidly in strength and magnitude that before the honest had determined upon a plan it was too late to put it in execution whereupon ihey wisely abandoned the subject altogether the great	48
chapter vii how the city of under the protection of off e the there is something exceedingly in thus looking back and catching glimpse of the fairy of antiquity that lie beyond like some goodly landscape melting into distance they receive a thousand charms from their very obscurity and the fancy delights to till up their outlines with graces and of its own creation thus beam imagination those happier days of our city when as yet new was a mere pastoral town in groves of and and surrounded by forests and wide spreading waters that seemed to shut out all the cares and of a wicked world in those days did this city present ae rare and noble spectacle of without laws left to its own course and the care of providence as rapidly as though it had with a dozen full of those sage usually heaped on the backs of young cities iu o to make aim in this particular t or ly admire the wisdom and sound knowledge human nature bj the sage the and his fellow for my part i have not so bad an opinion of mankind as many of my brother philosophers i do not think pool human nature so sorry a piece of as they would make it out to be and as far as i have observed i am fully satisfied that man if left to himself would about as readily go right as wrong it is only tliis sounding in his ears that it is his duty to go right that makes him go the very reverse the noble independence of his nature at this intolerable tyranny of law and the perpetual interference of morality which is ever his path with finger posts and directions to keep to the right as the law and like a spirited he turns directly contrary and through mud and mire over hedges and merely to show that he is a lad of spirit and out of his leading strings and these opinions are amply by what i have above said of our worthy ancestors who never being be and and guided and governed by and laws and by laws as are their more did one and all honestly and out of pure or in other words because they knew no better nor must i omit to record one i ts e earliest of this infant settlement ia towards st the piety of our forefathers and that hke good christians they were always ready to serve god after they had first served themselves thus having quietly settled themselves down and provided for own comfort they themselves of their gratitude to the great and good st for his protecting care in them to this abode to this end they built a fair and goodly chapel within the fort which they consecrated to his name whereupon he took the town of new under his peculiar patronage and he has even since been and i devoutly hope will ever be the saint of this excellent city i am moreover told that there is a little book somewhere written in low dutch which says that the of this renowned saint which the of the was elevated in front of chapel in the very centre of what in modern days is called the green and the legend further treats of divers wrought by the mighty pipe which the saint held in his mouth a of which was a sovereign cure for an an invaluable in this colony of brave as however in spite of the most search i cannot lay my upon this book i must confess that entertain considerable doubt on the subject by tiie good extent of the the of new beheld settlement increase in magnitude and population and soon become the metropolis of divers and an extensive territory already the disastrous pride of colonies and those of a sound hearted empire entered in to their and fort on th fort on the and for on the river seemed tc be the darling of the venerable council thus to all appearance did th province of new advance in power and the early history of its metropolis j fair page by crime or calamity of painted savages still about tb tangled forests and rich of the part of the island the hunter pitched his the province about this time extended on the no to fort or orange now the city of about miles up the river indeed province claimed quite to the river this claim was not much insisted on at tlie time a country beyond fort was a perfect on the south the province reached to fort c south river since tlie and on th it extended to tlie or fresh river now the on this last frontier was likewise ere fort or trading house much about the spot where sent is situated the pleasant town of t called fort good or good hope and was ed as for the purpose of i e a i e sat ages domestic examples of skins and bark beside the that ran through the cool and shady while here and might be seen on some sunny a group of indian whose smoke arose above the neighbouring trees and floated in the transparent atmosphere by degrees a mutual good will had grown up between these wandering beings and the of new our benevolent forefathers endeavoured as much as possible to their situation by giving them gin rum and glass beads in exchange for their for it seems the kind hearted bad conceived a great friendship for their savage neighbours on account of their being pleasant men to trade with and little skilled in the art of making a bargain now and then a crew of these half human sons of the forest would make their appearance in the streets of new painted and decorated with beads and feathers about with an air of indifference sometimes in the market	48
place the little dutch boys in the use of the bow and arrow at other times with liquor and and yelling about the town like so many to the great dismay of all good wives who would hurry their children into the house fasten the doors and throw water upon the enemy from tlie garret windows it rs worthy of here that our forefathers t j my grandmother s war in holding up these wild men as excellent domestic examples and for reasons that may be gathered from the history of master wh tells us that for the least offence the bridegroom soundly beats his wife and turns her out of doors and another that some of have every year a new wife this awful example had any influence or not history does not mention but it is certain that our were miracles of fidelity and obedience true it is that the good understanding between our ancestors and their savage neighbours was liable to occasional and i have heard my grandmother who was a very wise old woman and well in the history of these parts tell a long story of a winter s evening about a battle between the new and the indians which was known by the name of the war and which took place near a orchard in a dark which for a long while went by the name of murderer s valley the legend of this war was long current among the nurses old wives and other ancient of the place but time and improvement have almost both the tradition and tiie scene of battle for what was once the blood stained valley is now in the centre of this pop city and known by the name of the and con e e governor appointed new and its at h awakened the tender solicitude of the who finding it a and colony and that it promised to yield great profit and no trouble all at once became wonderfully anxious about its safety and began to load it with tokens of regard in the same manner that your knowing le are sure to rich relations with their affection and loving kindness the usual marks of protection shown bv mother countries to wealth v colonies were forthwith manifested the first i to send rulers to the new settlement with to p as much from it as it will yield the year of our lord ter van was appointed governor of the province of under the commission and control of their iv ii mi the lords states general of the l and the privileged west india company this renowned old at new in tlie month of june the sweetest month in all the year when dan seems to dance up the transparent when tlie robin the and a thousand other wanton make the woods to with an d the luxurious little among the blossoms of the meadows all which happy coincidence persuaded the old of new who were ll b k the art of events that this was to h happy and prosperous administration but as it would he to the con of the first dutch governor of the province of to be thus sc introduced at the end of a chapter i put an end to this second book of my that i may him in with more dignity in beginning of my next m if book is recorded the golden van chapter i of the renowned van his virtues as likewise his unutterable in the law case of and and the great admiration of the public grievous and very much to be is the task of the feeling historian who writes the history of bis native land if it fall to his lot to be the sad of calamity or crime the mournful page is watered with his tears nor can he recall the most prosperous and era without a melancholy sigh at the reflection that it has passed away for ever i know not whether it be owing to an love for the simplicity of former times or to that certain tenderness of to all sentimental i that i cannot look it reflections happier s of our city which i now describe without a sad of the spirits with a faltering hand do withdraw the curtain of that the modest merit of our venerable ancestors and as their rise to mv mental vi ion humble myself before the mighty shades such are my feelings when i the family mansion of the and spend a lonely hour in tlie chamber where hang the portraits of my forefathers in dust like ihe forms they represent with pious reverence do i gaze on the countenances of those renowned who have preceded me in the steady march of existence whose sober and temperate blood now my veins flowing slower and slower in its feeble until its current shall soon be j ed for ever these say i to i are but frail of the mighty flourished in the days of the but who alas have long since in that tomb towards which my steps are and irresistibly hastening as i pace the darkened chamber and lose myself in melancholy the shadowy images around me almost seem to steal once more into their to assume the animation of their eyes to pursue me in every movement carried away by the of fancy i almost imagine myself surrounded by the shades of the departed and i m i c fc governor van of antiquity ah born in a age abandoned to the of fortune a stranger and a weary pilgrim in thy native land with no weeping wife nor family of helpless children but doomed to wander neglected through those crowded streets and by foreign from those fair where once thine ancestors held sovereign empire let me not however lose the historian in the man nor	48
admission of still which would have tended to the colouring of hi portrait you i j case of v i have been the more anxious to fully the person and habits of tlie renowned van from the consideration that he was not only tlie first but also the best governor that ever presided over this ancient and respectable province and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign that i do not find throughout the whole of it a single instance of any being brought to punishment a most sign of a merciful governor and a case excepting in the reign of the illustrious king log from whom it is hinted the renowned van was a the very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate was distinguished by an example of legal that gave flattering of a wise and administration the morning he had been solemnly in office and at the moment that he was making his breakfast from a prodigious dish filled with milk and indian he was suddenly by the appearance of one a very important old of new who complained bitterly of one inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts seeing that there was a heavy balance in favour of the said governor van as i have already observed was a man of few words he was likewise a mortal enemy to mu t summary process disturbed at his breakfast having listened attentively to the statement of giving an occasional as he a of indian into his mouth either as a sign that he the dish or comprehended the story he called unto him his and pulling out of his breeches pocket a huge jack knife despatched it after the as a summons accompanied by his tobacco box as a warrant this summary process was in those simple days as was the seal ring of the great among the the two parties being confronted before him each produced a book of accounts written in a language and character that would have puzzled any but a high dutch or a learned of egyptian to understand the sage took them one after the other and having poised them in his hands and attentively counted over the number of leaves fell straightway into a very great doubt and smoked for half an hour without saying a word at length laying his finger beside his nose and shutting his eyes for a moment with the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by the tail he slowly took his pipe from his mouth forth a column of tobacco smoke and with marvellous and s pronounced that t counted over the leaves and wi it was that one the governor s decision f and as heavy as the other therefore it was th final opinion court tliat the accounts equally therefore should a receipt and should give a receipt and the should pay the costs this decision being straightway made known diffused general joy throughout new for the people immediately perceived that thej had a very wise and magistrate to rule over them but its happiest was that another law suit took place the whole of his administration and the office of fell into such decay that there was not one oi those known in the province for man years i am the more particular in dwelling oi this transaction not only because i deem it one of the most sage and righteous judgments on cord and well worthy the attention of modem but because it was a miraculous iu the history of the renowned being the only time he was ever known to come to a decision in the whole course of his life power or the chapter ii some account of the grand council of as also divers especial good philosophical reasons why an should he fat with other particulars touching the state of the province in treating of the early of the province must caution my readers against them in point of dignity and power with those worthy gentlemen who are in this enlightened republic a et of unhappy victims of popularity who are in fi most dependent hen beings in the doomed to bear the secret d of their own party and the of the whole world beside set up at christmas holidays to be and at by every and vagabond in he and on the contrary the dutch enjoyed that authority in all of distant colonies or they were in a manner absolute in their it if so disposed o w d gospel and to none v a v country which it is well sl thk hand council deaf to all complaints against its provided they discharge the main duty oi their station out a good thia hint will be of importance to prevent my from being seized witli doubt and incredulity whenever in the course of this history they encounter the uncommon circumstance a governor acting with independence and in opposition to the opinions of the multitude to assist the doubtful in the business of a board of appointed which presided immediately over the police this potent body consisted of a or with powers between those of the pre sent mayor and five were equivalent to and five who as or bottle hold ers to the in the same manner a do assistant to their at th present day it being their duty to fill the pipes o the hunt the foi for dinners to discharge such other little offices of kindness as were required it was moreover though hot they should consider themselves as for th blunt wits of the and should most heartily at all their but this last was rarely called in action in those days as i is at present and waa j v of of the death	48
of a fat little who actually died of in an unsuccessful effort to force a laugh at one of er van s best jokes in return for these humble services they were permitted to say yes and no at the council board and to have that privilege the run of the being permitted to eat and drink and smoke at all those snug and public for which the ancient were equally famous with their modern the post of therefore like that of assistant was eagerly by all your of a certain description who have a huge relish for good feeding and an humble ambition to be great men in a small way who thirst after a uttle brief authority that d ll render them the terror of the house and the that shall enable them to lord it over poverty vice outcast and hunger driven that shall give to their a hound like pack of catch poles and bum greater i than the they hunt down my i ers will excuse this sudden warmth which i confess is of a grave historian but have a mortal to catch poles bum and little great men the ancient of this city those of the present time no le a m an should be fat magnitude and intellect than in and privilege the like our were generally chosen by weight and not the weight of the body but likewise the weight of the head it is a practically observed ia all honest plain thinking regular cities that an should be fat and the wisdom of this can be proved to a certainty that the body is in measure an image of the mind or rather that the mind is to the body like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast has been insisted on by many philosophers who have made human nature their peculiar study for as a learned gentleman of our own city there is a constant relation between the moral character of all intelligent creatures and their physical constitution between their habits and the structure of their bodies thus we sec that a lean spare body is generally accompanied by a restless mind either the mind wears down the body by its continual motion or the body not affording the mind sufficient room keeps it continually in a state of tossing and worrying about from the uneasiness of its situation whereas your round sleek fat is ever attended by a mind uke itself tranquil and at ease and we may always c that your well fed are in general very of their ease and comfort x r o an s souls noise discord and disturbance and surely none are more likely to study the public tranquillity than those who are so careful of their own who ever hears of fat men heading a riot or together in turbulent no no it is your lean hungry men who are continually worrying society and setting the whole by the ears the divine whose doctrines are not sufficiently attended to by philosophers of the present age allows to every man three souls one immortal and rational seated in the brain that it may overlook and the body a second consisting of the surly and passions which like powers lie around the heart a third mortal and destitute of reason gross and brutal in its and in the belly that it may not disturb the divine soul by its now according to this excellent theory what can be more clear than that your fat is most likely to have the most regular and well mind his head is like a huge chamber containing a mass of soft brains whereon the rational soul lies softly and as on a feather bed and the e es which are the windows of the bed chamber are usually half closed that its may not be disturbed by external objects a mind thus comfortably l w l protected from is s hungry judges likely to perform its functions with regularity ar ease by dint of good feeding moreover tl mortal and malignant soul confined belly and which by its raging and roaring the neighbourhood of the in an intolerable passion and thus render mi and when hungry is ly silenced and put to rest a host of honest good fellow qualities and hearted affections which had lain sly peeping out of the holes of the heart this asleep do pluck up their spirits tu out one and all in their holiday suits and up and down the their es or to laughter good humour and a friendly offices towards his fellow as a board of formed on this m think but very little they are the less like to differ and about favourite as they generally business upon hearty dinner they are naturally disposed to and indulgent in the administration their duties was conscious of th and therefore a pitiful measure for which i c never forgive him ordered in his tl no judge should hold a court of justice except the morning empty stomach i warrant bore hard upon all the poor his kingdom the more enlightened and generation of the i k tv l q f to eat yourself into lo coarse and have so managed that the al are the best fed men in the on the fat things of the land and so heartily and that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one ind the form the and the green fat of the other the is as i hai just said these luxurious do produce p n ii v and repose of the soul d that their transactions are for monotony and the profound laws which they in their amid the labours of are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters	48
and never enforced when awake in a word your fair round like a full fed quietly t the house door always at home and always at hand to watch over its safety but as to a lean candidate to the office as has now and been done i would as leave put a to watch the house or a race horse to drag an ox the then as i have already mentioned were wisely chosen by weight and the or assistant were appointed to attend upon them and help them eat but the latter in the course of time when they had been fed and into sufficient bulk of body and of brain became very eligible a br die chairs m how to sat yourself into office eaten themselves into office as a mouse eats his way into a comfortable in a goodly blue milk new england cheese equal the profound that took place between the renowned i s unless it be the of our modern i ot hours smoking and over without speaking a word to inter t stillness so necessary to deep the r sway of van i his worthy the in t vigorous gradually n the and forests and led appearance of town and country in new cities and which at this e witnessed in the city of washington use metropolis which makes so glorious an appearance on paper it was a pleasing sight in those times to behold the honest like a of seated on the bench at the door of his white washed house under the shade of some gigantic or over hanging willow here would he smoke his pipe of a afternoon enjoying the soft southern breeze and listening with silent to the of his the of his and the of his swine combination of farm yard melody which may truly be said to have a s ct and id a it i i try df ij melody it a certain assurance of profitable the modem spectator who through the streets of this city can scarcely form an idea of the different appearance they presented in the primitive days of the the busy hum of multitudes the shouts of the of fashion the rattling of accursed carts and all the spirit sounds of commerce were unknown in the settle ment of new the grass grew quietly in the high ways the sheep arid about the ridge where now the take r morning stroll the cunning fox wolf in the woods where now are to be seen the of and his righteous of money and flocks of about the fields where now the great w g and the patriotic tavern of echo with the of the mob in times did a true and le equality of rank and property prevail equally removed from the of wealth and the and heart of and what in my mind is still more to tranquillity and harmony of intellect was to be seen the minds of the ood of i seemed all to have been cast in one l blessings of ignorance to be those honest blunt minds which uke certain are made by the gross and considered as exceedingly good for common use thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for public employ and especially promoted to city honours your keen like being considered too sharp for common service i know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches as the of and heart whereas for my part i verily believe it is the sad of intellect that that more than any thing else and have remarked that your knowing people who are so much wiser than any body else are keeping society in a happily for new nothing of the kind was known within its walls the very words of learning education taste and talents were unheard oi a bright genius was an animal unknown and a blue lady would have been regarded with as much wonder as a or a fiery no man in fact seemed to know more than his neighbour nor any man to know more than an honest man ou ht to know who has nobody s to mind but his own the parson and the council clerk were the men that could read in the community and the sage van signed name with a cross happy state of the colony thrice happy and ever to be envied little existing in all the security of harmless unnoticed and by the world without ambition without vain glory without riches without learning and all their train of r and as of in the better days of man tlie were wont to visit him on earth and bless his rural so we are told in the days of new the good st would often make his appearance in his beloved city of a holiday afternoon riding among the tree tops or over the roofs of the now and then drawing magnificent presents from his breeches pockets and dropping them down the chimneys f his whereas in these days of iron and brass he never shows us the light f his countenance nor ever visits us one in the year when he down the of the descendants of the his presents merely to the children in to ken of tlie of the parents such arc the comfortable and effects f fat government the province of the new destitute of wealth possessed a sweet tranquillity that wealth could never purchase there were neither public nor private quarrels neither parties nor sec le nor tr a s y nor were there v w l state of the or ever man to what little business he was lucky enough have or neglected it if he pleased without the opinion of his neighbour in e days n	48
body with concerns above his nor thrust his nose into people nor to correct his own and reform his own character in his zeal to pi to pieces the characters of but in a every respectable citizen eat when he was n hungry drank when be was not thirsty and we regular to bed when the sun set and the went to whether he were sleepy or not which tended so remarkably to the population the settlement that i am told every dutiful wi new made a point of e her husband with at least one child a yet and very a brace this i ood things clearly the true luxury life according to the favourite dutch th more than enough a feast eve thing therefore went on exactly as it should d and in the usual words employed by the welfare of a country the est and repose throughout tl manifold tastes of readers chapter iii hon the town of arose of mud and came to be polished and polite together with a picture of the manners of our great great manifold arc the tastes and dispositions of the enlightened who turn over the pages of history some there be whose hearts are brim full of the of courage and whose do work and swell and foam with like a barrel of new or a train band captain fresh from under the hands of his tailor this class of readers can be satisfied with no but bloody battles and horrible must be continually cities springing mines marching up to the of cannon through every p e and in and others who are of a less martial but equally ardent imagination and who withal are a little tlie marvellous will dwell with won aa u satisfaction on descriptions of unheard of events hair breadth escapes hardy adventures and all those astonishing that along the boundary line o po tastes of readers a third who not to speak slightly of them are of a lighter turn and over the records of past times as they do over the pages of a novel merely for and innocent amusement do singularly delight in and all the other catalogue of hideous crimes that like in do give a and to the dull detail of history while a fourth class of more philosophic habits do diligently pore over the of time to investigate the operations of the human kind and watch the gradual changes in men and manners effected by the progress of knowledge the of events or the influence of situation if the three first classes find but little to solace themselves in the tranquil reign of van i entreat them to exert their patience for a and bear with the tedious picture of happiness prosperity and peace which my duty as a faithful historian me to draw and i promise them that as soon as i can possibly light upon anything horrible uncommon or impossible it shall go hard but i will make it afford them entertainment this being turn with great complacency to the fourth class of my readers who are men or if possible women after my own heart grave philosophical and fond of y of ta horrible promised king a start from first causes and so hunting a nation down through all the of and improvement such will naturally be anxious to witness the first development of the newly colony and the primitive manner and customs among its inhabitants during the reign of van t or the will not grieve their patience however by describing the increase and improvement of new their own will doubtless present to them the good hers like so many pains taking and slowly and surely pursuing their labours they will behold the prosperous from the rude log hut to the stately dutch mansion with brick front glazed windows and roof from the tangled thicket to the luxuriant garden and from the indian to the in a word they will picture to themselves the steady silent and march to prosperity incident to a city destitute of pride or ambition cherished by a fat government and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry the sage council as has been mentioned in a preceding chapter not being able to determine upon any plan for the building of their city the cows in a fit of patriotism took it their peculiar chaise and as they went pasture e f b i or on each side of which the good folks their houses which is one cause of the rambling and picturesque turns and which distinguish certain streets of at this very day the houses of the higher class were generally constructed of wood excepting the end which was of small k and yellow dutch bricks and always faced on the street as our ancestors like their descendants were very much given to outward show and were noted leg foremost the house was always furnished with abundance of large doors and small windows on every floor the date of its was curiously by iron figures on the front and on the top of the roof was perched a fierce little to let the family into the important secret which way the wind blew these like the on the tops of our pointed many different ways that every man could have a wind to his mind the most and loyal citizens however always went according to the on the top of the governor s house which was certainly the most correct as he had a servant employed every morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter in those good days of simplicity and sunshine a passion for cleanliness was the leading principle in domestic and the universal test of l le a character which formed tiie ambition of out i vi ti d passion for cleaning the front door was never opened except on marriages new	48
his dog figured to great advantage swung on his and appeared most out of the whale like through a barrel of fire the parties broke up without noise and without confusion they were carried home by their carriages that is to say by the nature had provided them excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to keep a wa on th gear attended their j j parting respective and took leave of them with a hearty at the door which as it was an established piece of etiquette done in perfect simplicity and honesty of heart occasioned no scandal at that time nor should it at the present if our great approved of the custom it would argue a great want of reverence in their descendants to say a word against it golden age chapter iv containing further particulars of the golden age and what constituted a fine lady and gentleman in the days of walter the in this period of my history when the presented a scene f very of those glowing pictures of the golden reign of there was i have before observed a happy ignorance an simplicity among its inhabitants hich were i even able to would be but understood by the age for which am doomed to write even the female sex arch upon the he and gray beard customs of society a while to conduct themselves with and heir hair by the of was back from their heads with a candle and covered with a little if which fitted exactly to their their of were a with a variety of gorgeous thou t these gallant garments t reaching below the knee vl i female costume they made up in the number which generally equalled tliat of the gentlemen s small clothes and what is still more praise worthy they were all of their own manufacture of which circumstance as may well be supposed they were not a vain these were the honest days in which every woman staid at home read the bible and wore pockets ay and that a goodly size fashioned with patch work into many curious devices and worn on the outside these in fact were convenient where all good carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at hand by which means they often came to be crammed and i remember there was a story current when i was a boy that the lady of van once had occasion to empty her right pocket in search of a wooden and the was discovered lying among some rubbish in one comer but we must not give too much faith to all these stories the anecdotes of those remote periods being very i subject to besides these notable pockets they likewise wore and suspended from their by red i or among the more and classes by brass even silver chains tokens of and industrious i cannot j much in o t ie l i i a pine described coats it doubtless was introduced for the pose of giving the stockings a chance to be seen which were generally of blue with red or perhaps to display a well turned ankle and a neat though serviceable foot set high shoe with a large and splendid silver thus we find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the same disposition to a little upon the laws of decorum in order to betray a lurking beauty or gratify an innocent love of finery from the sketch here given it will be seen that our good differed considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from their dressed descendants of the present day a fine lady in those times under more clothes even on a fair summer s day than would have clad the whole of a modern ball room nor were they the less admired by the gentlemen in consequence thereof on the contrary the great i ness of a lover s passion seemed to increase in proportion to the magnitude of its object and a i arrayed in a dozen of coats was declared by a low dutch of the province to be radiant as a and luxuriant as a full blown certain it is in those days the heart of a lover could not contain more than one lady at a time whereas the i l of a modem gallant has often room accommodate half a dozen the te o io what a s fo i which i conclude to be that either the hearts o have grown larger or the person of tne ladies smaller this however is a for to determine but there was a secret charm in these coats which no doubt entered into the considers tion of the prudent the wardrobe of lady was in those days her only fortune and who had a good stock of and stockings was as absolutely an as is a with a store of bear skins or a with a plenty of rein deer the ladies therefore were very anxious to display these attractions to the greatest advantage an the best rooms in the house instead of being adorn ed with of dame nature iii water and needle work were always hung with abundance of garments the and the property of the females piece of that still prevail the o dutch villages the gentlemen in fact m p figured in the of the gay world in ancient times responded in most particulars with the whose smiles they were ambitious to di serve true it is their merits would make but very impression upon the heart c a modem fair they neither drove their nor their for as yet those were not oi w l et di or the post they distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table and their consequent with for our forefathers were	48
of too pacific a disposition to need those of the night every soul throughout the sound asleep before nine o clock neither did they establish their claims to at the expense of their for as yet those against the pockets of society and the tranquillity of all young gentlemen were unknown in new eveiy good made the clothes of her husband and family and even the of van himself thought it no to cut out her f i d s not but what there were some two or three who manifested the first of what is called fire and spirit who held all labour in contempt about and mar places in the sunshine what little money they could procure at cap and swore and their our s horses in who promised to be the wonder the talk of the town had not their career been unfortunately cut short by affair of honor with a post far other however was the truly fashionable e of those days his dress which served and evening street and mu i ld a was a coat made bj the fair hands of the mistress of his and gallantly with abundance of lai brass buttons half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his figure his shoes were decorated by enormous copper a low crowned broad hat his and his hair down his back in a prodigious of skin thus equipped he would sally forth with pipe in mouth to some fair heart not such a pipe good reader as that which did sweetly tune in praise of his but of one of true and furnished with a charge of fragrant tobacco with this would he resolutely set himself down before the fortress and rarely failed in the process of time to smoke the fair enemy into a surrender upon honorable terms such was the happy reign of van celebrated in many a long foi song as the real golden age the rest being nothing but coin in that delightful period a sweet d holy calm reigned over the whole province the smoked his pipe in peace the substantial solace of his domestic cares after her daily toils were done sat at the door with her arms crossed over her apron of snowy white without being insulted van s happy reign by street or vagabond boys those unlucky who do so our streets displaying under the roses of youth the thorns and of then it was that the lover with ten breeches and the with of half a score indulged in all the innocent of virtuous love without fear and without reproach for what had that virtue to fear which was defended by a shield of good equal at least to the seven bull hides of the invincible ah and never to be forgotten age when everything was better than it has ever been since or ever will be again when channel was quite dry at low water when the in the were all salmon and when the moon shone with a pure and whiteness instead of that melancholy yellow light which is the consequence of her sickening at the she every night witnesses in this city happy would it have been for new it always have existed in this state of fi ignorance and lowly simplicity but alas the days of childhood are too sweet to last like men grow out of them in time and are alike to grow into the bustle the cares miseries of the world let no man con s himself when he the child of i his bo mi or the city of his birth i van s h reign magnitude and importance let the c his own life teach him the dangers of the one and this excellent little history of convince him of the of the other in afternoon walk chapter v which the reader is into a which ends very differently from what it commenced in the year of our lord one thousand eight and four on a fine afternoon in the glowing of september i took my customary walk the battery which is at once the pride and of this ancient and city of york the ground on which i trod was wed by recollections of the past and as i slowly through the long alley of which ke so many standing on end a melancholy and shade drew a contrast between the surround scenery and what it was in the classic days four forefathers where the government house y name but the custom ho by occupation reared its brick walls and wooden pillars we stood the low but substantial red led mansion of the renowned van around it the mighty of fort frowned defiance to every absent foe like many a and gallant con ned their j tl scenery around new york alone the mud breast works had long been with the earth and their site converted into the green and leafy of the battery where the gay his sunday coat and the laborious relieved from the dirt and of the week poured his weekly tale of love into the half averted ear of the sentimental the bay still presented the same sheet of water studded with islands sprinkled with fishing boats and bounded by shores of picturesque beauty but the dark forests which once clothed these shores had been by the savage hand of cultivation and their tangled and impenetrable had into and waving fields of grain even governor s island once a smiling garden to the sovereigns of the province was now covered with a tremendous block house so that this once peaceful island resembled a fierce little warrior in a big cocked hat breathing and defiance to the world for some time did i indulge in this pensive train of thought in sober sadness the present day with the years behind the mountains the	48
melancholy progress of improvement and the zeal with which our worthy hers endeavour to preserve the of venerable customs prejudices and errors from overwhelming tide of modern a described degrees my ideas took a different turn awakened to an enjoyment of around me as one of rich days which particularly upon the of and its vicinity not a floated obscured the tlie sun in glorious splendour through his ethereal i seemed to his honest dutch e into an unusual expression of benevolence smiled his evening salutation upon a city he delights to visit with his most j the very winds seemed to hold in their is in mute attention lest they should of the hour and the the bay presented a polished mirror in i nature beheld herself and smiled the of our city reserved like a choice for days of hung motionless on the which forms the handle to a gigantic i and even the tremulous leaves of the the ceased to to the breath every thing seemed to in repose of nature the formidable een slept in the of the en seemingly gathering fresh to fight the battles of their country on fourth of july the solitary drum on go r island forgot to call the garrison to e x u tbe evening gun had not yet w a calm described signal for all the regular well meaning throughout the country to go to and the fleet of at anchor between island and on their and suffered the innocent to lie for a while in the soft mud of their native banks my own feelings with the tranquillity and i should have upon one of those fragments of benches which our benevolent have provided for the benefit of had not the extraordinary inconvenience of the couch set all repose at defiance in the midst of this slumber of the soul my attention was attracted to a black speck peering above the western horizon just in the rear of gradually it and the would be cities of and which like three are starting on the course of existence and each other at the commencement of the race now it skirts the long shore of ancient spreading its wide from the high at quite to the and erected by the sagacity of our police for the embarrassment of commerce now it the serene vault of heaven cloud rolling the of day darkening the vast expanse and bearing thunder and and tempest in its bosom the earth seems agitated a x o i l a tempest the late mirror is lashed into furious waves that roll in hollow murmurs to the shore the bo that in the placid vicinity of island now hurry to the land the and and in the blast torrents of rain and sounding hail the battery walks the gates are thronged by servant maids and little with pocket handkerchiefs over their hats from m the storm the late prospect presents one scene of and wild uproar as though old chaos had resumed his reign and was back into one vast turmoil the conflicting elements of nature whether fled from the fury of the storm or boldly at my post as our gallant captains who march their soldiers through the rain without are points which i leave to the conjecture of the reader it is possible he may be a little perplexed also to know the reason why i introduced this tremendous tempest to disturb the serenity of my work on this latter point i will instruct his ignorance the view o the battery was given merely to gratify the reader with a correct description of that celebrated place and the parts adjacent secondly the storm was played ofl part to give a little bustle and life to this t v c v part of my work and to keep my te not the best policy from falling asleep and partly to serve as an to the times that are about to the pacific province of and that the administration of ihe renowned van ft is thus the experienced play puts all the the french horns the kettle drums and trumpets of his in to in one of those horrible and called and it is thus he es his thunder his lightning his and preparatory to the rising of a ghost or the of a hero we will now proceed with our history whatever may be advanced by philosophers to contrary i am of opinion that as to nations the old that honesty is the best policy is a sheer mistake it might have answered well enough in the honest times when it was made but in these days if a nation to rely merely upon the justice of its dealings it will fare something like an honest man among thieves who unless he have more than his honesty to depend upon stands but a poor chance of by his company such at least was the case with the government of the new which like a worthy old quietly settled itself down into the city of new as into a elbow chair and few q v illustrated while in the mean time its cunning neighbours stepped in and picked its pockets thus may we the commencement of all the woes of this great province and its magnificent metropolis to the tranquil security or to speak more accurately to unfortunate honesty of its government but as i to begin an important part of my history towards the end of a chapter and as my readers like myself must doubtless be exceedingly fatigued with the long walk we have taken and the tempest we have sustained hold it meet we shut up the book smoke a pipe and having thus refreshed our spirits take a fair start ip an effects of the measures chapter vi faithfully describing the	48
ingenious people of con and moreover the true meaning of liberty of conscience and a curious device among these sturdy to keep up a harmony of intercourse and promote population p r p r u x a t i ment i i r r u province of and its governor it is necessary that should give some account of a of strange upon the eastern frontier now so it came to pass that many years previous to the time of which we are treating the sage cabinet of england had adopted a certain national creed a kind of public walk of faith or father a religious in which every loyal subject was directed to travel to taking care to pay the toll by the way a certain shrewd race of men being very much given to indulge their own opinions on all manner of subjects a exceedingly of to your free of europe did or the cabinet most dare to think for themselves in matters of religion what thej considered a natural and right the liberty of conscience as however they possessed that of mind which always thinks aloud which rides cock a on the tongue and is for ever galloping into other people s ears it naturally followed that their liberty of conscience likewise implied of speech which being freely indulged soon put the country in a and aroused the pious indignation of the fathers of the church the usual methods were adopted to them that in those days were considered so in bringing back stray sheep to the fold that is to say they were they were they were they were line upon upon lash upon lash here a little and there a great deal were exhausted mercy and without success until at length the worthy of the church wearied out by their were driven in the excess of their tender mercy to adopt the scripture text and heaped embers on their heads nothing however could subdue that invincible spirit of independence which has ever distinguished this singular ra c of people so that rather than to such horrible tyranny they one and all embarked for the wilderness of am i ac soil of they might enjoy the of talking no sooner did they land on this soil than as if they had caught the dis ease from the climate they all lifted up their voices at once and for the space of one whole year did keep up such a joyful that we are told they frightened every bird and beast out of the neighbourhood and completely dumb found ed certain fish which abound on their coast that they have been called dumb fish ever since from this simple circumstance unimportant ai it may seem did first that renowned privilege so loudly boasted of throughout this country which is exercised in newspapers ward meetings pot house and which the right of talking without ideas and without information of public affairs of public measures of great characters and destroying little ones in short that grand of our country the liberty of speech the simple of the land for a while contemplated these strange folk in utter astonishment but discovering that they harmless though noisy weapons and were a lively ingenious good humoured race they became very friendly and gave them the name of which in the l r ma language v e men origin of a since into the familiar epithet of which they retain unto the present day true it is and my as an historian will not allow me to pass it over in silence that the zeal of these good people to maintain their rights and privileges did for a while betray them into errors which it is easier to pardon than defend having served a regular in the school of persecution it them to that they had become in the art they accordingly employed their leisure hours in or hanging divers and for daring to abuse the liberty of conscience which they now clearly proved to imply nothing more than that every man should think as he pleased in matters rf religion thought right for otherwise it would be giving a latitude to now as they the majority were perfectly convinced that they alone thought right it consequently followed that whoever thought different from them thought wrong and whoever bought wrong and persisted in not ing convinced and converted was a of the liberty of conscience nd a corrupt and member of the body and deserved to be off and cast into the fire i liberty or conscience explained i now i ll warrant there are hosts of my readers ready at once to lift up their hands and eyes that virtuous indignation with which we always contemplate the faults and errors of our neighbours and to exclaim at these well meaning but mistaken people for on others the injuries they had suffered themselves for indulging the preposterous idea of convincing the mind by the body and establishing the doctrine of charity and forbearance by persecution but in simple truth what are we doing at this very day and in this very enlightened nation but acting upon the very same principle in our political have we not within but a few years released ourselves from the of a government which cruelly denied us the privilege of governing ourselves and using in full latitude that invaluable member the tongue and are we not at this very moment striving our best to over the opinions tie up the tongues or ruin the fortunes of one another what are our great political societies but mere political our pot house but little of our newspapers but mere posts and where unfortunate individuals are with rotten eggs and our council of appointment but a	48
where are ox their advantages of where then is the difference in principle between our measures and those you are so ready to condemn among the people i am treating of there is none the difference is merely thus we instead of we instead of we turn out of office instead of hanging and where they burnt an in we either tar and feather or bum him in this political persecution being some how or other the grand of our and an proof that this is a free country i but notwithstanding the fervent zeal with which this holy war was against the whole race of we do not find that the population of this new colony was in any wise thereby on the contrary they multiplied to a degree which would be incredible to any man with the marvellous of this growing country this amazing increase may indeed be partly ascribed to a singular custom among them commonly known by the name of a superstitious observed by the young people of both sexes with which they usually ter their and which was kept up with religious by the more and vulgar part of the community this ceremony was likewise in those primitive times t a an indispensable to or where ours finish by which means they acquired that i mate acquaintance with each others good ties before marriage which has been bj philosophers the sure basis of a happy un thus early did this cunning and ingenious j pie display a at making a which has ever since distinguished them ai strict to the good old vulgar ma about buying a pig in a to this sagacious custom therefore do i attribute the increase of the or yankee tribe for it is a certain fact well by court records and parish that wherever the practice of there was an amazing number of sturdy born unto the state without the the law or the benefit of clergy the of their birth operate in the to their on the i up a long sided raw hardy wood and corn fed wh their united efforts tended tow those notable tracts of country ca and cape r of a yankee farmer chapter vii how these singular out to be notorious how they air castles and attempted to the in the mystery of in the last chapter i have given a faithful and account of the origin of that singular race of people the country eastward of the but i have yet to mention certain peculiar habits which rendered them exceedingly to our ever honoured dutch ancestors the most prominent of these was a certain rambling with which like the sons of they seem to have been gifted by heaven and which continually them on to shift their residence from place to place so that a yankee farmer is in a constant state of occasionally here and there clearing lands for other people to enjoy building houses for others to and in a manner may be considered the wandering of america his first thought on coming to the years of himself in the world wh w more nor less than to begin v t ia ci vol u yankee s progress to this end he takes unto himself for a wife son country passing rich in red i bands glass beads and mock shell comb with a white gown and shoes for and deeply skilled in the mystery of making long and pie having thus provided himself like a a heavy wherewith to his through the journey of life he literally se on the his whole household furniture and farming a hoisted into a covered cart his own and his wife wardrobe packed up in a which done shoulders his axe takes in hand yankee and off to the woods i confident of the protection of providence ar as cheerfully upon his own resources t did ever a of when he into a strange country of the buried himself in the wilderness he a log hut away a and patch and providence smiling upon his is soon surrounded by a snug farm and some ha a score of headed who by the size seem to have sprung all at once out of t earth like a crop of but it is not the nature of this most l le of to rest contented with any enjoyment improvement is his da ling passion and ii to i ik his wooden palace the next care is to provide a mansion worthy the residence of a land a huge palace of pine boards immediately springs up in the midst of the wilderness large enough for a parish church and furnished with windows of all dimensions hut so and withal that every blast gives it a fit of the by the time the outside of this mighty air castle is completed either the funds or the zeal of our adventurer are exhausted so that he barely to half finish one room within where the whole family together while the rest of the house is devoted to the of or of and potatoes and is decorated with fanciful of dried apples and the outside remaining grows time the family wardrobe is laid under contribution for old hats and breeches to stuff into the broken windows while the four winds of heaven keep up a whistling and howling about this palace and play as many as they did of in the cave of old the humble log hut which this improving family within its narrow but comfortable walls stands hard by in contrast degraded into a cow house or pig and of a fable which i am surprised has never been recorded who abandoned hi w people of which he had long filled with great re to crawl into the empty shell of a where he would no doubt have resided with great style	48
and splendour the envy and hate of all the pains taking in his neighbourhood had he not accidentally perished witli cold in one corner of his mansion being thus completely settled and to use his own words to rights one would imagine that he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his situation to read newspapers talk politics neglect his own business and attend to the affairs of the nation like a useful and patriotic citizen but now it is that his disposition begins again to he soon grows tired of a spot where there is no longer any room for t his farm air castle windows and all his cart shoulders his axe puts at the head of his family and away in search of new lands again to fell trees again to clear corn fields again to build a palace and again to sell off and wander such were the people of who bordered upon the eastern frontier of and my readers may easily imagine what neighbours this light hearted but restless tribe must have been to our tranquil if they cannot i would ask them if they have ever known one of our regular well dutch families vi w ii i ft vi to with the neighbourhood of a french house the honest old cannot take his afternoon s pipe on the bench before his door but he is persecuted with the of the chattering of women and the of children he cannot sleep at night for the horrible of some amateur who chooses to the moon and display his terrible in execution on the the or some other soft toned instrument nor can he leave the street door open but his house is by the visits of a troop of dogs who even carry their into the the parlour if my readers have ever witnessed the sufferings of such a family so situated they may form some idea how our worthy ancestors were distressed by their neighbours of of these we are told penetrated into the new and threw whole villages into consternation b their and their intolerable two evil habits hitherto unknown in those parts or only known to be for our ancestors were noted as being men of truly and who neither knew nor cared aught about any body s concerns but their many were committed on ie high way where several were brought to a stand and ii x k of questions and which occasion ed as much vexation and heart burning as the modem right of search on the high seas great jealousy did they stir up h their and among the d vine sex for being a race of brisk they soon the affections of the simple from their dutch among other customs they attempted to introduce among that oi which the dutch of tl with that eager passion for no veil and foreign fashions natural to their sex very well inclined to follow but that their m being more experienced in the world an better acquainted with men and things all such inn but what chiefly to our with these strange folk was an liberty which they occasionally took of in into the of the new lands and settling themselves down without or license to improve the land in the manner have before noticed this of taking possession of new land was termed and hence is derived the o odious in the ears of a great and which is given to those ei ia v i v ma how a man mat ox take their chance to make good their title to it afterwards all these and many others which were constantly tended to form that dark and cloud which as i observed in a former chapter was slowly gathering over the tranquil province of new the pacific cabinet of van however as will b perceived in the bore them all with a that to their immortal credit becoming by passive endurance to this increasing mass of wrongs like that mighty man of old who by dint of carrying about a calf from the time it was bom continued to carry it without difficulty when it had grown to be an ox task of the author chapter viii the fort fearfully how the renowned into a pro found doubt j and he finally by this time my readers must fully perceive what an task i have collecting and with painful the of past times whose events almost defy the powers of exploring a little kind of of history which had lain nearly for ages buried under the rubbish of years and almost totally forgotten up the limbs and fragments of facts and endeavouring to put them together so as to restore them to their original form and now forth the character of an almost forgotten hero like a statue now a half inscription and now lighting upon a manuscript which after painful study scarce the trouble of perusal in such case how much has the reader to de upon the honor and of his author lest like a cunning he either impose upon him some of his own j tor a precious from mi aft i his honour and v lip the fragment with such that it is scarcely possible to the truth from the fiction with which it ia enveloped this is a which i have than once had to lament in the course of ny wearisome among the works of ny fellow who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts respecting this ry and particularly respecting the great pro of new as will be perceived any who will take the trouble to compare their romantic out in the of fable with this history i have bad more of tlie kind to encounter in those parts of my history which treat s f the transactions on the eastern border than ia other in consequence of the	48
troops of who have those quarters and have the no mercy in their works among the rest mr declares that the dutch were always mere now to this shall make no other reply than to proceed in the of my history which will contain not only proofs that the dutch had clear title and possession in the fair valleys of the and that they were thereof but likewise that they have been scandalous ly ever since by the tions of the of new fort roof and in this i shall be guided by a spirit of truth and and a regard to immortal fame for i would not my work by a single falsehood or prejudice though it should gain our forefathers th whole country of new england it was at an early period of the province and previous to the arrival of the renowned that the cabinet of purchased the lands about the and established for their and protection a fortified post on the banks of the river which was called fort and was situated hard by the present fair city of the command of this important post together with the rank title and appointment of were given in chaise to the gallant van or as some will have it van a most soldier of that class of which we have such numbers on parade days who are famous for eating all they kill he was of a very appearance and would have been an exceeding tall man had his legs been in proportion to his body but the latter being long and the former uncommonly short it gave him the uncouth appearance of a tall man s body mounted upon a little man s legs he made up for this construction of body by throwing his legs to such an extent when lie marched that you would have sworn he had on the x s new s w bt the f the far jack the giant and so as high did he tread on any great military occasion soldiers were oft times alarmed lest he should himself but notwithstanding the of this fort and the appointment of this ugly little man of war as a commander the continued those daring which i have hinted at in my last chapter and taking advantage of the character which the cabinet of van t soon acquired for profound and did the of the and themselves down within the very of fort on beholding this outrage the long van proceeded as became a prompt and he immediately protested against these in low dutch by way of inspiring more terror and forthwith despatched a copy of the protest to the governor at new together with a long and bitter account of the of the enemy this done he ordered his men one and all to be of good cheer shut the gate of the fort smoked three pipes went to bed and awaited the result with a resolute and tranquillity that greatly animated his and no doubt sore dismay and of the enemy s a discussion in van s now it came to pass that about this time the renowned full of years and honours and council ad reached that period oi life and faculty which according to the a man to admission into the ancient order of he employed his time in smoking his pipe amid an of equally enlightened and nearly as venerable as himself and who for their silence their gravity their wisdom and their cautious to coming to any conclusion in business are only to be e by certain profound j which have known in my time j upon reading the protest of the gallant van therefore his fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to encounter his head gradually drooped on his chest he closed his eyes and inclined his ear to one side as if listening with great attention to the discussion that was going on in his belly which all who knew him declared to be the huge court house or council chamber of his thoughts forming to his head what the house of representatives do to the an inarticulate sound very much resembling a occasionally escaped him but the nature of this internal was never known as he never opened his lips on the subject to man woman or child in the mean time the protest of van laid quietly on i ae ve tv town or to the pipes of ihe venerable in council and in tlie great which they raised the gallant hu protect and his mighty fort were soon as completely and foi as is a question of emergency swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern of s there are certain when your profound and sage are in the way of a nation and when an of hair decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and is discussion such at least was the case at present for while the renowned van was daily with his doubts and his resolution growing weaker and weaker in the contest the enemy pushed farther and farther into his and assumed a most formidable appearance in the neighbourhood of fort here they founded the mighty town of p j g or as it has since been called weather a place which if we may credit the of worthy historian john j been infamous of the therein and so daring did these men of i become tliat they extended those of for which their town is illustrious under the very noses of the garrison effort that the honest could not look t quarter in their vol r s van s precautions this crying injustice was regarded with pro indignation by the gallant van he absolutely trembled with of his and the of his which seemed to be the more turbulent in workings	48
provided as for the poet and the historian while the poet and the historian were destined to record the achievements of heroes these and many similar reflections arose in my mind as i took up my pen to commence the reign of william for now the stream of our history which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current is about to depart for ever from its peaceful haunts and through many a turbulent and ru ed scene like some ox having fed and in a rich field lies sunk in luxurious repose and will bear repeated t and blows before t ne v reign of william the limbs and from its so the province of the having long and grown under the prosperous reign of the was reluctantly awakened to a melancholy conviction that by patient its had be come so numerous and that it was to than endure them the reader will now the manner m which a peaceful community advances towards a state of war which it is too apt to approach as a horse does a drum with and parade but with little progress and too often with the wrong end foremost who in ascended the chair to borrow a favourite though clumsy of modern was in form feature and character the very reverse of van his renowned he was of very respectable descent his father being of in the ancient town of and our hero we are told made very curious into the nature operations of those machines when a boy which is one why he afterwards came to be so ingenious a governor his name according to the most ingenious was a corruption that is to say a or and expressed the hereditary disposition of his family which for nearly two t id ke t the windy his personal town of in hot water and produced more and than any ten families in the place and so truly did inherit this family that he had scarcely been a year in the discharge of his government before he was universally known by the of william the he was a brisk little old gentleman who had dried and withered away partly through the natural process of years and partly from being and burnt up by his fiery soul which blazed like a vehement rush light in his bosom constantly him to most and i have heard it observed by a profound and philosophical judge of human nature that if a woman fat as she grows old the of her life is very precarious but if she she lives for ever such likewise was the case with william the who grew in proportion as he dried he was some such a little as we may now and then see briskly about the streets of our city in a broad skirted coat with huge buttons an old fashioned cocked hat stuck on the back of his head and a cane as high as bis chin his was broad and his features sharp his nose turned up with a most curl his cheeks were into a dusky red doubtless in consequence of the neighbourhood of two gray which his universal beamed with tropical the comers of mouth were curiously into a kind of fret work not a little resembling the wrinkled of an irritable dog in a word he was one of the most positive restless ugly little men that ever put himself in a passion about nothing such were the personal of william the but it was the sterling riches of his mind that raised him to dignity and power in his youth he had passed with great credit a celebrated academy at the noted for producing finished scholars with a despatch unequal led except by certain of our american here he very on the of several of the and made so gallant an in the dead languages as to bring off captive a host of greek and latin together with divers and all which he constantly in conversation and writing with as much vain glory as would a triumphant general of display the spoils of the countries he had he had moreover puzzled himself considerably with logic in which he had advanced so far as to attain a very familiar acquaintance by name at least with the whole family of and but what he chiefly valued himself on was his knowledge of in xx w time red too deeply y c e w v i s smothered in a o w his universal a fearful peril from the effects of which he never perfectly recovered this i must confess was in some measure a misfortune for he never engaged in argument of which he was exceeding fond but what bet een logical and he soon involved himself and his subject in a fog of and and then would get into a mighty passion witli his adversary for not being convinced it is in knowledge as in he who sports and on the surface makes more noise and and more attention than the industrious pearl who in search of treasures to the bottom the of william were the subject of great marvel and admiration among ms countrymen he figured about at the ith as much vain glory as does a profound at who has mastered half the letters of the chinese and in a word was pronounced ru universal genius have known universal in my time though to peak my mind freely i never knew one who for the ordinary purposes of life was worth his weight in straw but for the purposes of government a little sound judgment and plain common sense i is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote i or invented theories r strange as it may sou therefore tv e um c er c us wi s g their very much in his way and had he been a les learned man	48
it is possible he would have been much greater governor he was exceedingly of trying philosophical and political and having head full and of ancient and an and the laws of so ion and us and and the of i and the of and a thousand other fragments o venerable antiquity he was for ever bent introducing some one or other of them into use so thai between one contradictory measure an another he entangled the government of the lit tie province of in more knot during his administration than half a dozen sur could have no sooner had this bustling little man be blown by a of fortune into the seat of he called together his council delivered a very animated speech on the the province as every body knows what a opportunity a governor a president or an emperor has of his enemies ii speeches messages and where h the talk all on his own side they may be high william did not suffer an occasion to escape him of ev that gallantry of tongue common to all before he i wi o preceding his speech he took out his pocket and gave a very blast of the nose according to the usual custom of great this in general i believe is intended as a signal trumpet to call the attention of the but with william the it boasted a more classic cause for he had read of the singular expedient of that famous who when he the roman his tones by an or pitch pipe this s being performed he commenced by expressing a humble sense of his own want of talents his utter of the honour conferred upon him and his humiliating to discharge the important duties of bis new station in short he expressed so an opinion of himself that many country members present ignorant that were mere words of course always used on occasions were very uneasy and even felt that he should accept an office for which be was so inadequate he then proceeded in a manner highly classic mid profoundly though nothing at all to purpose being nothing more than a of all the of ancient greece wars of rome and together with e rise and fall of sundry which the assembly knew no more than t grand children yet his awful the manner of learned ed the audience that he was a man of word and great he at length came to the les important part of his speech the situation of th province and here he soon worked himself int a fearful rage against the whom he com to the who rome and th and who the fairest plain of europe nor did he forget to mention in i of adequate the insolence with the j had upon the of new and the audacity which the j had commenced the town of new and planted the patches of under the very walls of fort having thus wrought up his tale of to a climax he assumed a self satisfied and declared with a nod of knowing import tb he had taken measures to put a final stop to the that he had been to h recourse to a dreadful engine of warfare la invented awful in its effects but necessity in a word he was resolve conquer the by for this purpose he had prepared a instrument of the kind ordering and the remove depart and withdraw from the di regions and under all the ve fo vl m s ud ms repose at dog s misery ments in such case made and provided this he assured them would at once the enemy from the face of the country and he pledged his as a governor that within two months after it was published not one stone should remain on another in any of the towns which they had built the council remained for some time silent after he had finished whether struck dumb with at the brilliancy of his project or put to sleep by the length of his the history of the times does not mention suffice it to say they at length gave a universal of acquiescence the was immediately despatched with due ceremony having the great seal of the province which was about the size of a attached to it by a broad red governor having thus his indignation felt greatly relieved the council put on his cocked hat and small clothes and mounting a tall raw trotted out to his country seat which was situated in a sweet swamp now dutch street but more commonly known by the name of dog s misery here like the good he from th toils of taking lessons in government ot from the but from tlie honoured wife of his bosom who was one of that of females sent upon earth a l who would govern must obey the flood as a punishment for the sins of mankind and commonly known by the of women hi fact my duty as an historian me to make known a circumstance which was a great secret at the time and consequently was not a subject of scandal at more than half the tea tables in new but which like many other great secrets has out in the lapse of years and this was that the great the though one of the most potent little that ever breathed yet submitted at home to a species of government neither laid down in nor in short it partook of the nature of a pure tyranny and is familiarly government an absolute sway which though common in these modern days was very rare among the if we may judge from the made about the domestic economy of honest which is the only ancient case on record the great however off all the and of his particular friends who arc ever ready to joke with	48
a mail on sore points of the kind by that it was a government of his own election to which through choice adding at the same time a profound which he had found in an ancient author that he who would to govern should first learn to fate op the chapter in which are recorded the sage projects of a ruler of universal genius the art of fighting by and how that the van cur let came to be at fort never was a more comprehensive a more or what is still better a more economical measure devised than this of the by an expedient likewise so humane so gentle and pacific there were ten chances to one in favour of its succeeding but then there was one chance to ten that it would not succeed as the ill natured would have it that single chance carried the day the was perfect in all its parts well constructed well written well sealed and well published all that was wanting to its was that the should stand in awe of it but provoking to relate they treated it with the most absolute contempt applied it to an purpose and thus did the first warlike come to a shameful end a fate which i am informed has befallen but too m of its s s fate or the it was a long time could be persuaded by the united efforts of all his that his war measures had failed in producing any effect on the contrary he flew in a passion whenever any one dared to question its and swore that though it was slow in yet when once it began to work it would soon the land of these time however tliat test of all experiments both in philosophy and politics at length convinced the great that his was and that notwithstanding he had waited nearly four years in a state of constant irritation yet he was still farther off than ever from the object of his wishes his in the east became more and more troublesome in their and founded the colony of close upon the of fort they moreover commenced the fair settlement of new haven otherwise called the red hills within the of their high while the patches of were a continual eye sore to the garrison of upon beholding therefore the of his measure the sage like many a worthy of laid the not to the medicine but to the quantity and resolutely resolved to double the in the year therefore that being the of his reign be a second one issued second of heavier metal than the written in thundering long sentences not one word of which was under five this in fact was a kind of non intercourse bill forbidding and all commerce and between any and every of the said yankee and the said fortified post of fort and ordering commanding and all his loyal and well beloved subjects to furnish them with no supplies of gin or sour to buy none of their pacing horses pork apple brandy yankee rum water apple or wooden but to starve and them from the face of the land another pause of a ensued during which the last received the same attention and experienced the same fate as the first at the end of which term the gallant despatched his annual messenger with his customary of complaints and entreaties whether the regular interval of a year intervening between the arrival of van s was occasioned by of his movements or by the immense dis at which he was stationed from the seat of is a matter of uncertainty some ascribed it to the of his messengers as i have before noticed were e ti the and o his a of his likely to be worn out on the road and who being short men generally travelled fifteen miles a day and then laid by a whole week to rest all these however are matters of conjecture and i rather think it may be ascribed to the of this worthy country and which has ever influenced all its public transactions not to do things in a hurry the gallant van in his respectfully represented that several years had now elapsed since his first application to his late van during which interval his garrison had been reduced nearly one eighth by the death of two of his most and soldiers who had accidentally themselves on some fat salmon caught in the river he further stated that the enemy persisted in their taking no notice of the fort or its inhabitants but themselves down and forming all it so that in a little while he should find himself enclosed and by the enemy and totally at their mercy but among the most of his i find the following still on record which may serve to show the bloody minded of these savage in the mean time they of have not and taken in the lands of although and o u io i w i ma van s complaints nation in own purchased broken up lands also them with in the night which the had broken up and intended to and have beaten the servants of the high and honored which were upon master s lands from lands with sticks and in hostile manner and among the rest struck ever a hole in his head with a stick so that the blood ran very strongly upon his body but what is still more those of sold a that belonged to the honored under pretence that it had eaten of grass when they had not any foot of inheritance they proffered the or s if the would have given for damage which the denied because man s own as men used to say can upon his master s t the receipt of this melancholy intelligence the whole there was	48
and other fish within it waters fell into the hands of the victorious by whom they are held at this very day great despondency seized upon the city of new in consequence of these melancholy events the name of yankee became as terrible among our good ancestors as was that of among the ancient and all the sage old women of the province used it as a bear wherewith to frighten their children into obedience tlie eyes of all the province were now turned their governor to know what he would do the protection of the common in these days of darkness and peril great apprehensions pr among the the community especially the old women tliat these terrible warriors of not t of fort good vo a d y o van the ly march on to new and take it by storm and as these old ladies through means of the governor s who as has been already hinted was the better horse had obtained considerable influence in public keeping tlie province under a kind of it was determined that measures should be taken for the of the city now it happened that at this time there in new one van a jolly fat dutch of a pleasant famous for his long wind and his huge whiskers and who as the story g es could upon his instrument as to produce an upon all within hearing as though ten thousand bag pipes were singing right i the nose him did the illustrious pick out as the man of all the world most fitted to be the champion of new and to garrison iti fort making little doubt but that his instrument would be as effectual and offensive in war as was that of the or the more classic horn of it would have done one s heart good to have seen the governor snapping his and with delight while his sturdy david de in his bet ear makes mention of one a in fort who g v name to s hook and who was doubtless this same described by mr t mc t t t t ll y up and down the his trumpet in the face of the whole world like a thrice editor insulting all the and powers on the other side of the atlantic nor was he content with thus strongly the fort but he likewise added exceedingly to its strength by furnishing it with a formidable battery of guns a flag staff in the centre which the whole city and moreover by building a great on one of the this last to be sure was somewhat of a novelty in the art of but as i have already ed william was notorious for and ex and traditions do affirm that he was much given to mechanical inventions patent smoke carts that went before the horses and especially for which machines he had acquired a singular in his native town of all these scientific of the little governor were cried up with by his of his universal genius but there were not wanting ill natured who at him as his mind in frivolous pursuits de that this stood on the east and it is likewise to be seen with the flag staff in view of on the and that time to smoke and which should have been occupied in the more important concerns of the province nay they even went so far as to hint once or twice that his head was turned by his experiments and tliat he really thought to manage his government as he did his mills by mere wind such is the and to which enlightened rulers are ever subject notwithstanding all the measures therefore of william the to place the city in a posture of defence the inhabitants continued in great alarm and despondency but fortune who seems always careful in the very nick of time to throw a bone for hope to upon that the may be kept alive did about this time crown the arms of the province with success in another quarter and thus cheered the drooping hearts of the forlorn otherwise there is no knowing to what they might have gone in the excess of their for grief says the profound historian of the seven of is companion with despair and despair a infamous death among the numerous of the of which for some time past had occasioned such great i should particularly have mentioned a settlement made on the eastern part of long island at a place which from peculiar ot v n i a c attack on bat s d bay this was attacking the province ia a most sensible part and occasioned great agitation at new it is an fact well known to skilful that the high road to the affections is through the throat and this may be accounted for on the same which i have already quoted in my on fat nor is the fact unknown to the world at large and hence do we observe that the way to gain the hearts of the million is to feed them well and that a man is never so disposed to flatter to please and serve another as when he is feeding at his expense which is one reason why your rich men who give frequent dinners have such abundance of sincere and faithful friends it is on this principle that our knowing leaders of parties secure the affections of their by them with and fishes and the of the greasy mob by treating hem ith bull and oxen i have known many a man in this same city acquire considerable importance in society and a large share of the good will of his enlightened fellow citizens when the only thing that could be said in his was that he gave a good dinner and kept excellent wine since then the	48
heart and the stomach are so nearly allied it follows that what affects the one must s c s the head other now it is an equally fact that of all to the stomach there is none more grateful than the marine animal known commonly by the vulgar name of and in such great reverence has it ever been held by my fellow citizens tliat temples have been to it time out of mind in every street lane and alley throughout this well fed city it is not to be expected therefore that the seizing of bay a place with their favourite delicacy would be by the inhabitants of new an attack upon honour they might have even the of a few citizens might have been passed over in silence but an outrage that the of the great city of new and threatened the of its was too serious to pass the whole council was unanimous in opinion that the should be immediately driven by force of arms from bay and its vicinity and a was accordingly despatched for the purpose under command of one or u e the head so called because he was a man of mighty deeds famous throughout the whole extent of for his skill at quarter and for size he would have been a match for the n slain by g of meets the was a man of few words but prompt actions one of your straight going officers who march directly forward and do their orders making any parade he used no extraordinary speed in his movements but steadily on through and and and and the mighty town of and various other renowned cities of which by some unaccountable of the have been strangely to long island arrived in the neighbourhood of bay here was he encountered by a tumultuous host of warriors headed by preserved fish and and return strong and and and cock at the sound of whose names the courageous verily believed that the whole parliament of praise god had been let loose to him finding however that this formidable body was composed merely of the select men of the settlement armed with no other weapon but their tongues and that they had issued forth with no other intent than to meet him on the field of argument he succeeded in putting them to the with little difficulty completely broke up their settlement without waiting to write an account of his victory on the spot and thus letting the enemy his while be was s his mighty victory more experienced general would have done t brave thought of nothing but his enterprise and utterly driving the from the island this hardy enterprise he p formed in much the same manner as he had b accustomed to drive his oxen for as the before him pulled up his breeches i steadily after them and would have driven them into the sea had they b for quarter and agreed to pay tribute the news of this achievement was a seasons to the spirits of the citizens of n to gratify them still more the resolved to astonish them with one of th gorgeous spectacles known in the days of antiquity a rail account of which had been into his memory when a school boy at the a grand triumph therefore was to s who made his triumphant which like roman had served enemy for standards were carried before fifty cart loads of five hundred a hundred of c fish two of and various o were exhibited as the spoils and of the while three notorious were led captive to gi this is one of those i that and then occur in course o im fc his the hero s triumph the procession was by martial music from the trumpet of van the champion accompanied by a select band of boys and performing on the national instruments of rattle bones and shells the citizens devoured the spoils in sheer gladness of heart every man did honour to the conqueror by getting devoutly drunk on new england rum and the learned calling to mind in a momentary fit of enthusiasm and generosity that it was customary among the to honour their victorious with public statues passed a gracious degree by which every tavern keeper was permitted to paint the head of the on his sign history how could notes be when as yet banks were unknown in this country and our simple had not even of those inexhaustible mines of print reflections chapter iv philosophical reflections on the folly of being happy in times of prosperity sundry troubles on the southern how william the had well nigh ruined the province through a word also the secret expedition of and his astonishing reward if we could bat get a peep at the of dame fortune where like a notable landlady she regularly up and accounts of mankind we should find that upon the whole good and evil are pretty nearly balanced in world and that though we may for a long while in the very lap of prosperity the time will at length come when we must pay off the reckoning fortune in fact is a and withal a most inexorable for thou she may indulge her in long credit and them with her yet or later she brings up her vith the of an experienced and out her scores with their tears since good old no man can retain her at his pleasure y and since ber fl l o i e k the essence of wisdom ed what are her but sure of approaching trouble and calamity there is nothing that more moves mj contempt at the stupidity and want of reflection of my fellow men than to behold them rejoicing and indulging in security and self confidence in times of prosperity to a wise man who is blessed with the light	48
of reason those are the very moments of anxiety and apprehension well knowing that according to the system of things happiness is at best but transient and that the higher he is elevated by the capricious breath of fortune the lower must be his whereas he who is overwhelmed by calamity has the less chance of fresh as a man at the bottom of a ladder runs very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the this is the very essence of true wisdom which consists in knowing when we ought to be miserable and was discovered much about the same time with that invaluable secret that every thing is vanity and vexation of spirit in consequence of which mr im your wise men have ever been the of the human race it an mark of genius to be dis without reason since any man may be miserable in time of misfortune but it is the philosopher alone who can discover cause for grief in the very hour of prosperity vol i according to the principle have just advanced we find that the colony of new which under the reign of the renowned van had flourished in such alarming and fatal serenity is now paying for its former welfare and the of comfort which it contracted foes it from quarters the city of new while yet in its infancy is kept in constant alarm and its commander william the answers the vulgar but expressive idea of a man in a of troubles while busily engaged his bitter enemies the on one side we find him suddenly in another quarter and by a colony of under the conduct of peter and to that queen of had settled themselves and erected a fort oh south or river within the boundaries claimed by the government of the new history is mute as to the particulars of their first landing and their real pretensions to the soil a this is the more to be lamented as this same colony of will hereafter be found most materially to affect not the interests of the but of the world at large in whatever manner therefore this vagabond colony of first took possession of the i is m s vi a a and according to the oft hand usage of his declared himself governor of all the adjacent country under the name of the province of new no sooner did this reach the ears of the than like a true he immediately broke into a violent rage and calling together his council the most in the longest speech that had ever been heard in the colony since the memorable dispute of ten breeches and tough breeches having thus given vent to the first indignation he had resort to his favourite measure of and despatched one hot in the first year of his reign informing peter that the whole territory on the south river had time out of mind been in possession of the dutch having been beset with and sealed with their blood the latter sentence would an idea of war and were we not relieved by the information that it merely related to a in which some half a dozen had been killed by the indians in their benevolent attempts to establish a colony and promote t v by this it will be seen that x though a very small man delighted in big expressions and was much given to a praise thy figure in generally l your little great men called k power or big words which has been of infinite service among many of his class and which has helped to swell the grandeur of many a mighty self important but windy chief magistrate nor can i resist in this place from observing how much my beloved country is indebted to this same figure of for supporting certain of her greatest characters and who by dint of big words periods and windy doctrines are kept afloat on the surface of society as ignorant are up by blown the against concluded by ordering the self governor and hit gang of immediately to leave the country under penalty of the high pleasure and inevitable vengeance of the government of the strong measure however does not seem to have had a whit more effect than its which had been thundered against the the resolutely held on territory they had taken possession of whereupon matters for the present remained in that should put up with this insolent obstinacy in the would appear in v with his temperament but e find that about this time the little m n had his v hands full and what with one annoyance and another was kept tv o i i a t b s hands full e is a certain description of active who by shrewd management contrive always to have a hundred irons on the every one of which must be immediately attended to who consequently are ever full of temporary and up the public welfare and the national affairs so as to make nine holes where they mend one stopping and with whatever comes first to hand like the mentioned old clothes in broken windows of this class of was william the and had he only been blessed with powers equal to his zeal or his zeal been by a little discretion there is very little doubt but he would have made the greatest governor of his size on record the renowned governor of the island of alone the great defect of s was that though no man could be more ready to forth in an hour of emergency yet he was so intent upon guarding the national pocket that he suffered the enemy to break its head in other words whatever precaution for public safety he adopted he was so intent upon rendering it cheap that he invariably rendered it ineffectual am this was a	48
remote consequence of his profound education where of knowledge he was ever after a at of continually dipping k j ever studying to the bottom o is vo so that he had the f all kinds of authors in his in some of these title page he over a grand political word which with his customary facility he immediately into his great scheme of government to the injury and delusion of the honest province of and the eternal of all rulers in vain have i over the of the the of the jews the of the the magic of the the of the english the of the or the of the indians to discover where the little man first laid eyes on this terrible word neither the that famous volume ascribed to the pages of the containing the mysteries of the recorded by the learned yield any light to my inquiries nor am i in the least by my painful in the of the wandering jew enabled elm to make a ten days journey in twenty four hours neither can i perceive the slightest in the or sacred name of four letters the word of the hebrew a mystery sublime and and the letters of which he having been i t i w c k m their great name or jove in short in all my and from the of to the works of and mother bunch i have not discovered the least of an origin of this word nor have i discovered any word of sufficient to it not to keep my reader in any suspense the word had so wonderfully arrested the attention of the and which in german characters had a particularly black and ominous aspect on being fairly translated into the english is no other than economy a term which by constant use and frequent mention has ceased to be formidable in our yes but which has as terrible as any of when pronounced in a national assembly it has an immediate effect in closing the hearts the drawing the purse strings and the breeches pockets of all philosophic nor are its effects on the eyes less wonderful it produces a of the an obscurity of the a of the and an of the an of the and a of the that the organ of vision loses its strength aud et y nd tbe patient becomes wi s a its in plain english blind perceiving only the it of immediate expense without being able to farther and regard it in with the ultimate object to be effected so that to quote the words of the eloquent a at his nose is of greater magnitude than an oak at five hundred distance such are its operations and the results are more astonishing bj its magic influence seventy shrink into into and into gun boats this all potent word which served as his in politics at once explains the whole system of empty threats and paper war carried on by the and we may trace its operations in an which he fitted out in in a moment of great wrath consisting of two and thirty men under the command of as admiral of the fleet and commander in chief of the forces this formidable expedition which can only be by some of the daring of our navy about the bay and up the sound was in tended to drive the from the of which they had recently taken possession and which was claimed as part of the province f new for it s that at this time our infant colony was in that state so much by um a o x l a l to s expedition say the government had a vast extent of part of which it enjoyed and the greater part of which it had continually to quarrel admiral was a man of great and and no dismayed at the character of the enemy who were represented as a gigantic race of men who lived on cakes and drank and apple and were exceedingly expert at biting tar and and a variety of other accomplishments which they had borrowed from cousins german and the to whom have ever borne considerable resemblance notwithstanding all these alarming representations the admiral entered the most with his fleet and arrived without disaster or opposition at the place of destination here he attacked the enemy in a vigorous in low dutch which the wary had put in his pocket wherein he courteously commenced by calling them a pack of lazy drinking cock fighting horse racing slave driving tavern haunting sabbath breaking breeding and concluded by ordering them to the country immediately to which they most replied in plain english see him d d first now this was a reply for which neither j sl j nor t it his return and flattering reception any calculation and finding himself totally unprepared to answer so terrible arc suitable hostility he concluded that his wisest course was to return home and report progress he accordingly sailed back to new where he was received with great honours and considered as a pattern for all having achieved a most at a trifling expense of treasure and without losing a single man to the state he was called the of his country an liberally bestowed on all great men his two having done their duty were laid up or dry in a now called the basin where they quietly in the mud and to his name they erected by sub a magnificent monument on the of hill which lasted three whole years when it fell to pieces and was burnt for wise law of chapter v william the enriched the province hy a of laws j and came to be the patron of and bum and how the people exceedingly enlightened and unhappy his instructions the	48
many and fragments of which have floated down the stream le from venerable antiquity and have been picked up by those humble but who along the shores of find the following sage of the anxious to the ancient laws of the state from the improvements of profound country or for popularity that whoever proposed a new law id d it with a about his neck that his proposition was rejected they just him ik and there the matter ended his institution had such an effect that than two hundred years there was only trifling alteration in the criminal code and whole race of lawyers starved to the o s laws multiplied was the being by b overwhelming load of excellent laws and by a standing army of and s officers lived very lovingly together and were such a happy people that they scarce make any figure throughout the whole history for it is well known that none but your unlucky nations make any noise in the world well would it have been for william the had he in the course of his universal stumbled upon this precaution of the good on the contrary he conceived that the true policy of a was to laws and thus secure the property the persons and the morals of the people by surrounding them in a manner with men traps and spring guns and even the sweet walks of private life with hedges so that a man could scarcely turn without the risk of some of these thus was he continually petty laws for every petty that occurred until in time they became too numerous to be remembered and remained like those of certain modem mere dead revived occasionally for the purpose of individual oppression or ignorant petty consequently began to appear wh e h law nearly jl goodly gallows erected much wisdom and as in those august the s and courts of the present day the was generally favoured as being a customer and bringing business to the the of the rich were winked at for fear of the feelings of their friends but it could never be laid to the charge of the that they suffered vice to under the disgraceful rags of poverty about tliis time may we date the first introduction of capital a goodly gallows being erected on the water side about where stairs are at present a little to the east of the battery hard by also was erected another of a very strange uncouth and description but on which the ingenious william valued himself not a little being a punishment entirely of his own invention it was for of not a whit inferior to so renowned in bible history but the marvel of the contrivance was that the instead of being suspended by the neck according to venerable custom was hoisted by the and was kept for au hour together dangling and heaven and earth to the infinite entertainment and doubtless great of the multitude of respectable citizens who usually attend m v h of the vol a new punishment it is incredible chuckled at beholding and sturdy beggars thus swinging by the and cutting in the air he had a thousand and to utter upon these occasions he called them his his wild fowl his high his spread his his scare and finally his gallows birds which ingenious though originally confined to who had taken the air in this strange manner has since grown to be a cant given to all legal elevation this punishment moreover if we may credit the of certain grave gave the first hint for a kind of or by which our forefathers up their breeches and which has of late years been revived and continues to be worn at the present such were the admirable improvements of william in criminal law nor was his civil code less a matter of and much does it grieve me that the limits of my work will not suffer me to on both with the thej deserve let it suffice to say that in a little while tlie blessings of innumerable laws became apparent it was soon found to have a certain class of men to ami divers their appearance o ft lawyers appear care the community was soon set together by the ears i would not here be to any thing to the profession of the law or to its members well am i aware that we have in this ancient city innumerable worthy gentlemen who have embraced that honourable order not for the sordid love of nor the selfish of renown but through no other motives but a fervent zeal for the correct administration of justice and a generous and disinterested devotion to the interests of their fellow citizens sooner would i throw this pen into the flames and cork up my ink bottle for ever than even for a nail s breadth upon the dignity of this truly benevolent class of citizens on the contrary i allude solely to that crew of who in these latter days of evil have become so numerous who the skirts of the profession as did the knights the honourable order of chivalry who under its commit their on society who by and and like swarm most where there is most corruption nothing so soon tlie passions as the of gratification the courts of law would never be so constantly crowded with petty and disgraceful suits were vl j for the herds of lawyer ax i c ble s them with the passions of the lower and more ignorant classes who as if poverty were not a misery in itself are always ready to it by the bitterness of they are in law what are in medicine exciting the malady for the purpose of by the cure and the cure	48
for the purpose of the where one the constitution the other the purse and it may likewise be that a patient who has once been under the hands of a is ever after in and him self with and an ignorant man who has once with the law under the of one of these is for ever after himself with his neighbours and himself with successful law suits my readers will excuse this into which i have been but i could not avoid giving a cool account of an too in this excellent city and with the effects of which i am acquainted to my cost having been nearly ruined by a law suit which was decided against mc and my ruin having been completed by another which was decided in my favour it has been remarked by the observant writer of the manuscript that under the administration of the disposition of the of m y on laws and lawyers an essential change so that they became very and the constant of temper into which the little governor was thrown by the on his and his unfortunate to experiment and occasioned him to keep his council in a continual worry and the council being to the people at lai e what or is to a they threw the whole community into a and the people at large being to the city what the mind is to the body the unhappy they most upon new that in certain of their of consternation and perplexity they several of the most crooked distorted and abominable streets lanes and with which this metropolis is but the worst of the matter was that just about this time the mob since called the sovereign people like s ass began to grow more enlightened than its rider and exhibited a strange desire of governing itself this was another effect of the universal of william the in some of his among rubbish of antiquity he was struck with admiration at the institution of public tables among the where they discussed topics of a general and interesting nature at the schools of the philosophers where they engaged upon and b s s were taught the of wisdom and youths learned to become little men before they were boys there is nothing said the ingenious shutting up the book there essential to the well management of a country than education among the people the basis of a good government should be laid in the public mind now this was true enough but it was ever the fate of william the that when he thought right he was sure to go to work wrong in the present instance he could scarcely eat or sleep until he had set on foot among the simple citizens of new this was the one thing wanting to complete his confusion the honest dutch though in truth but little given to argument or yet by dint of meeting often together themselves with strong drink their brains with tobacco smoke and listening to the of some half a dozen soon became exceedingly wise and as is always the case where the mob is enlightened exceedingly discontented they found out with wonderful quickness of the fearful error in which they had indulged in themselves the happiest people in creation and were fortunately convinced that all circumstances to the contrary they were a very and consequently e societies in a short time the of new formed themselves into sage of political who daily met together to groan over political affairs and make themselves miserable to these unhappy with the same eagerness that have in all ages abandoned the and more peaceful paths of religion to crowd to the howling of we are naturally prone to discontent and after imaginary causes of like we our own shoulders and seem to take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans nor is this said for the sake of daily experience shows the truth of these observations it is almost impossible to the spirits of a man groaning under ideal but nothing is more easy than to render him wretched though on the of as it is an task to a man to the top of a though the merest child can him off thence in the sage i have noticed the reader will at once perceive the faint of those called popular meetings thither resorted all those and of low degree who like rags hang loose upon the back of society and are ready to be blown away by every wind of doctrine abandoned their and if l to give lessons economy a ic l d s wisdom of drunk left their and suffered their own fires to go out while they the and stirred up the fire of and even though but the and patches the ninth parts of humanity neglected their own measures to attend to the measures of government nothing was wanting but half a dozen and patriotic to have completed this public illumination and to have thrown the whole province in an uproar i should not forget to mention that these popular meetings were held at a noted tavern for houses of that description have always been found the most of politics abound ing with those genial streams which give strength and to we are told that the ancient had an admirable mode of treating any question of importance they first upon it when drunk and afterwards it when sober the of america who dislike having two minds upon a subject both determine and act upon it drunk by which means a world of cold and is with and as it is universally allowed that when a man is drunk he sees double it follows most that he sees twice as well as his sober neighbours law to chapter vi of the great pipe plot and	48
of the into william the wag reason of his having enlightened the as has already been made manifest was a great upon a small scale active or rather a busy mind at is to say his was one of those small but brisk minds which make up by bustle and constant motion for the want of great scope and power he had when quite a been impressed with the advice of solomon go to the ant thou ard consider her ways and be wise in to which he bad ever been of a restless ant hke turn worrying thither about little matters great importance and up wisdom by the morsel and often and at a grain of seed under the full conviction that he was moving a mountain thus we are told that once upon a time in one of his fits of mental bustle which he termed deliberation he framed an unlucky law to the practice of smoking t red x a consequent merely a heavy tax on the pocket but an incredible of time a great of idleness and of course a deadly to the prosperity and morals of the people ill fated had he lived in this enlightened and loving age and attempted to the liberty of the press he could not have struck more closely on the of the million the were in as a turmoil as the constitutional gravity of their would permit a mob of citizens had even the to before the governor s house where setting themselves resolutely down like a army before a fortress they one and all fell to smoking with a determined perseverance that seemed as though it were their intention to smoke him into terms the william issued out of his mansion like a spider and demanded to know the cause of this assemblage and this lawless to which these sturdy made no other reply than to back in their seats and puff away with fury whereby they raised such a cloud that the governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle the governor immediately perceived the object of this unusual tumult and that it would be impossible to suppress a practice which by ence h d become d nature and here i would observe lo vi w v s office of a s n made mention of this practice in my history it was connected with all the af both public and private of our the pipe in fact was never from the of the true born it was his in solitude the of his his his his joy his le in a word he seemed to think and breathe his pipe hen william the himself of matters which he certainly did although tie too late he came to a compromise with the multitude the result was that though to permit the custom of smoking yet he the fair long pipes which were used he days of van tranquillity and of in place thereof did introduce little caps pipes two inches in length which observed could be stuck in one corner of the ith or twisted in the hat band and would not n the way of business by this the multitude ned somewhat appeased and dispersed to r thus ended this alarming which was long known by the name he pipe and which it has been somewhat observed did end most other plots and in mere mark oh reader the lid afterwards result t ve u long pipes short pipes and of these little pipes continually ascend ing in a cloud about the nose penetrated into and ed the dried up all the kindly moisture of the brain and rendered people that used them as and ai their renowned little governor nay what ii from a goodly race of folk they be came like our worthy dutch farmers who smoke short pipes a lantern smoke dried race of men nor was this all for from hence may we date the rise of parties in this province certain of the more wealthy and important to the ancient fashion formed a kind of aristocracy which went by the of the long while the lower orders to the which they found to be more convenient in their and to leave them more liberty of action were with the name of short pipes a third party likewise sprang up from both the other headed in the of the famous robert the companion of the great the e entirely discarded the use of pipes and took to tobacco and hence they were called it is worthy of notice that this last has since come to be invariably applied to those or third parties that will sometimes spring up between two g between a horse and a and progress of i and here i would remark the great benefit of party distinctions by which the people at large are saved the vast trouble of thinking mankind into three classes those who think for themselves those who let others think for them and those who will neither do one nor tiie other the second class however the great mass of society and hence is the origin of party y by which is meant a large body of people some few of whom think and all the rest talk the former who leaders out and discipline the latter teaching them what they must approve what they must at what tliey must say whom they must support but above all whom they must hate for no man can be a right good unless he be a determined and thorough going but when the sovereign people arc thus properly broken to the harness and it is to see with what and harmony they onward through mud and at the will of their drivers dragging the dirt carts of at their heels how many a patriotic member of have i seen who would	48
never have known how to make up his mind on any question and might have run a great risk of right by mere had he not had others to think for him and a file leader to vote after thus then the enlightened inhabitants of the divided into par e n o vol g against the governor to oi hate one another more accurately and now the great business of politics went bravely on the parties in separate beer houses and smoking at each other with to the great support of the state and of the some indeed who were more zealous than e rest went farther and began to one another with numerous very hard names and scandalous little words to be found in the dutch language every believing that he was serving his country when he the character the pocket of a political adversary but however they might between themselves all parties agreed on one point to at and condemn every measure of government whether right or wrong for as the governor was by his station independent of their power and was not elected by their choice and as he had not decided in favour of either neither of them was interested in his success nor in the prosperity of the country while under his administration william the sage manuscript doomed to enemies too he and to reign over a people too wise to be governed all his against his enemies were and set at naught and all his measures for the public safety were c i le his conduct did he propose an efficient body of troops for internal defence the mob that is to say those vagabond members of the community who have nothing to lose immediately took the alarm that their interests were in danger that a standing army was a of on the pockets of society a rod of iron in the hands of government and that a government with a military force at its command would inevitably swell into a did he as was but too commonly the case preparation until the moment of emergency and then hastily collect a handful of the measure was at as feeble and inadequate as trifling with the public dignity and safety and as the public funds on impotent did he resort to the measure of he was laughed at by the did he back it by it was and by his own subjects which ever way he turned himself he was and distracted by of numerous and respectable meetings consisting of some half a dozen pot house all of which he read and what is worse all of which he attended to the consequence was that by incessantly changing his measures he gave none of them a fair trial and by listening to the of the mob and endeavouring to do things in sober truth did nothing j warm would not have it supposed however that he look all these and good for such an idea would do injustice to his spirit on the contrary he never received a piece of advice in the whole course of his life without st getting into a passion with the but i have ever observed that your passionate little men like small boats with large are the easiest upset or blown out of their course and this is by governor who though in temperament as hot as an old and with a mind the territory of which was subjected to perpetual and yet never failed to be carried away by the last piece of advice that was blown into his ear lucky was it for him that his power was not dependent upon the greasy multitude and that ai yet the did not possess the important privilege of their chief magistrate they however did their best to help along public affairs their governor incessantly by him on with and and then his fiery spirit with reproaches and like sunday managing aa unlucky devil of a hack horse so that may be said to have been kept on a worry or a hand gallop throughout the whole of his administration of the chapter vii divers fearful accounts of border and the of the moss of with the rise of the great council of the east and the decline of william the it was asserted bj the wise men of ancient times were intimately acquainted with these that at the gate of s palace lay two the one filled with blessings the ith misfortunes and it verily seems as if the iv had been completely and left to the unlucky province of among the many internal and external of irritation the incessant of the upon his were continually fuel to the temper of william the numerous accounts of these lay still be found among the records of the times r the on the were careful to their vigilance and zeal y who should send home the most and of complaints as our faithful servant is running with to the parlour of the petty nd of the kitchen their far be it from me to however our worthy ancestors indulged in on the contrary they were daily a repetition of cruel wrongs not one of which but was a sufficient reason according to the of national dignity and honour for throwing the whole universe into hostility and confusion oh ye powers into what indignation did every one of these throw the philosophic william letter after letter protest protest pro from among a multitude of bitter on record i select a few of the most and leave my readers to judge if our ancestors were not in getting into a very passion on the occasion june some of have taken a out of the or common and shut it up out of hate or other prejudice causing it to starve for hunger in the july the english did again drive	48
i lie s out of the of into daily with reproaches blows beating tlie people with all disgrace that tliey could imagine may the english of have violently cut loose a horse of the honoured companies that stood bound upon the common or may the companies horses upon the companies ground were driven away by them of or and the beaten with and sticks again they sold a young belonging to the which ip on the c col state of an author after bad latin worse english and hideous low dutch were exhausted in vain upon the inexorable and the four and twenty letters of the which excepting his champion the sturdy van composed the only standing army he had at his command were never throughout the whole of his administration nor was the a whit behind his patron in fiery zeal but like a faithful champion of the public safety on the arrival of every fresh article of news he was sure to sound his trumpet from the with most disastrous notes throwing the people into violent and disturbing their rest at all times and seasons which caused him to be held in very great regard the public and liim as we do for similar services i am well aware of the perils that me in this part of my history while with curious hands but pious heart among the remains of former days anxious to draw the honey of wisdom i may fare somewhat like that worthy who in with the of a dead lion drew a swarm of bees about his ears thus while the many of the or yankee tribe it is chances to one but i the morbid of certain of their i ae who may out and e i his resolute about this unlucky head of mine that i need the tough hide of an or an to protect me from their should such be the case i should deeply and sincerely lament not my misfortune in giving offence but the wrong headed of an ill natured generation in taking offence at any thing i say that their ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true and i am very sorry for it i would with all my heart the fact were otherwise but as i am the sacred events of history i d not one breadth of the honest truth though i were sure the whole edition of my work should be bought up and burnt by the common of and in now that these gentlemen have drawn me out i will make bold to go farther and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which we impartial are sent into the world to wrongs and on the heads of the guilty so that a powerful nation may wrong its neighbours with temporary yet sooner or later an historian springs up who ample on it in return thus these moss of the east little thought i ll warrant it while they were the province of and driving its unhappy governor to his wit s end that an historian should ever arise and give them their own with interest since then i am but per formidable my duty as an historian in the wrongs of our ancestors i shall make no further apology and indeed when it is considered that i have all these ancient of the east in my power and at the mercy of my pen i trust that it will be admitted i conduct myself with great humanity and moderation to resume then the course of my history appearances to the eastward began now to assume a more formidable aspect than ever for i would have you note that hitherto the province had been chiefly by its immediate neighbours the people of particularly of which if we may judge from ancient was the strong hold of these sturdy moss from whence tliey forth on their daring carrying terror and into the the hen and pig of our ancestors about the year the people of the cast country the colonies of new and new haven gathered together into a mighty and after and for many days like a political hive of bees in time at length settled themselves into a formidable under the title of the united of new england by this union they pledged themselves to stand by one another in all and ds and to co operate vl aa v alarm or and against the surrounding savages among wliich were included our honoured ancestors of the and to give more strength and system to this a general assembly or grand council was to be held composed of representatives from each of the provinces on receiving accounts of this combination was struck with consternation and for the first time in his whole life forgot to at hearing an unwelcome piece of intelligence which a venerable historian of the times was especially noticed among the of new the truth was on turning over in his mind all that he had read at the about and he found that this was an exact imitation of the council by which the states of greece were enabled to attain to such and and the very idea made his heart to for the safety of his empire at the he insisted that the whole object of this was to drive the out of their fair and always flew into a great rage if any one presumed to doubt the probability of his conjecture nor was be wholly in such a suspicion for at the first annual meeting of the grand council held at boston which governor the of c is c i his last letter representations were made against the as that in their dealings with the indians carried on a in guns and a trade and injurious to the not but what certain of the did likewise a little in this dam able	48
of hard in this manner did the but william the finally out o a kind of animal like a rush so that when grin death finally him out there was left enough of him to bury end of vol i j a history of new york from the of the world to the end of the dutch among su and curious the unutterable of walter the the disastrous projects of william the and the achievements of peter the the dutch ov t the only history of the thai ever hath published in two volumes fourth by am vol ii de me in la die met york printed by c s van l public library a t r and n fo southern district of u be it remembered that on he twenty first day of in the forty eighth year of the independence of the states of america c s van of the said district hath deposited in this office the title of a book the right whereof he claims as proprietor in the words following to wit a history of new york from the beginning of the world to the end of the dutch containing among many surprising and curious matters the unutterable of walter the the disastrous projects of william the and the achievements of peter the the three dutch of new being the only history of the times that ever hath been published in two volumes fourth by do die in die met den fir to the act of the of the united states en an act fur the encouragement of learning by securing the copies of maps and books to the and of such copies during the times therein mentioned and also to aa act entitled an act to an act entitled n act for the encouragement of learning by securing the copies of ma s and books to the authors and of such copies during the times therein mentioned and the benefit thereof to the arts of and historical and other prints james clerk of the southern of j few contents op vol ii book v the part of the reign of peter and his troubles with the council chap i in which the death of a eat man is shown to be no very matter of sorrow and how peter acquired a great name from the uncommon strength of his head page chap ii showing how peter the himself among the rats and the on entering into office and the perilous mistake he was guilty of in his dealings with the chap iii containing divers speculations on war and showing that a treaty of peace is a great national evil chap iv how peter was greatly by his the moss and his conduct thereupon chap v how the new became great in arms and of the catastrophe of a mighty army together with peter s measures to the and how he was the original o l i et of the battery as chap how the people of the cast were suddenly afflicted with a evil and their judicious measures for the thereof c hap vii which records the rise and renown of a commander showing that a man like a may be puffed up to greatness and importance by mere wind book vi c the second part of the of the and his gallant on the chap i in which is exhibited a warlike portrait of the great peter and how general von distinguished himself at fort c ii showing bow profound secrets are often brought to light with the proceedings of peter the when be heard of the misfortunes of general von chap iii containing peter voyage up the and the wonders and of that renowned river chap iv describing the powerful army that assembled at the city of new together with the interview between peter the and general von and peter s sentiments touching unfortunate great men ill chap v in which the author very of himself after which is to be found much interesting history about peter the and his followers c hap vl showing the great advantage that the author has oyer his reader in time of battle together with divers i c i s ii that y something terrible is o i v s ft contents chap vii the most horrible battle recorded in poetry or prose with the admirable exploits of peter the chap viii in which the author and the reader while after ihe battle fall into a after which is recorded the conduct of peter his victory book containing the part of the ov the his troubles with the british nation and the decline and fall of the dutch r chap i how peter relieved the sovereign people from the of taking care of the nation with sundry particulars of his conduct in time of peace chap ii how peter was much by the moss of the east and the giants of and bow a dark and horrid conspiracy was carried on in the british cabinet against the prosperity of the chap iii of peter s expedition into the east country showing that though an old bird he did not understand trap chap iv how the people of new were thrown into a great panic by the news of a threatened invasion and the manner in which they fortified themselves chap v showing how the grand council of the new came to be gifted with long tongues together with a great of chap vi in which the troubles of new showing r n i i p peril of a people who defend hj chap vn disaster of the and how peter like a second suddenly dissolved a parliament chap how	48
once to put a stop to such grievous scarcely therefore had he entered upon his authority than he turned out of all those spirits that composed the cabinet of william the place of whom he chose unto himself from those fat respectable that had flourished and the easy reign of walter the ah the system these he caused to be furnished with abundance t f fair long pipes and to be with frequent dinners them to smoke and eat and sleep for the good of the nation while he took all the burden of government upon his own shoulders an arrangement to which they all gave acquiescence nor did he stop here but made a hideous among the inventions and of his learned his flag and which like mighty giants guarded the of new to the whole of guns up liis patent where were suspended by the and in a word turning the whole philosophic and system of the immortal sage of the honest folk of new began to now for the fate of their champion the who had acquired prodigious favour in the eyes of the women b means of his whiskers and his trumpet him di peter the cause to be brought in his presence and him for a from head to foot with a countenance tb would have appalled any thing else than a sour cr of brass thee who and what art thou said he replied the other in no w mis conduct to dismayed for my name it is van for my i am the son mother for my profession am champion and garrison of this great city of new i doubt me much said peter that thou art some how acquire this honour and dignity marry sir replied the other like many a great man before me simply by sounding my own trumpet ay is it so the governor why then let us have a relish of thy art whereupon he put his instrument to his lips and sounded a charge with such a tremendous outset such a and such a triumphant that it was enough to make your heart leap out of your mouth only to be within a mile of it like as a war worn while sporting in peaceful plains if by chance he hear the strains of martial music up his ears and and and at the noise so did the heroic soul of the mighty peter joy to hear the of the trumpet for of him might truly be said what was recorded of the renowned st george of england there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to hear the pleasant sound of war and see the soldiers forth their weapons casting his eyes more kindly therefore upon the vol ii van made his van and finding him to be a jolly fat little man shrewd in his discourse yet of great discretion and wind he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him and him from the troublesome duty of defending and alarming the city ever after retained him about his person as bis chief favourite confidential and squire instead of disturbing the city with disastrous notes he was instructed to play so as to delight the while at his as did the of in the days of glorious and on all public occasions to rejoice the ears of the people with warlike melody thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit many other alterations and both for the better and for the worse did the governor make of which my time will not serve me to record the particulars it to say he soon contrived to make the province feel that he was its master and treated the sovereign people with such that they were all fain to hold their tongues stay at home and attend to their business that party and distinctions were almost forgotten and many of and shops were utterly ruined for want of business indeed tlie critical state of public at this time demanded the utmost vigilance and from providence the formidable council of the which had caused so much to the unfortunate still continued its forces and threatened to link within its union all the mighty and powers of the east in the very year following the of governor a grand departed from the city of providence famous for its dusty streets and women in behalf of the of island praying to be admitted into the league the following mention is made of this application in certain records of that assemblage of which are still mr will and captain of hand presented this request to the in our request and motion is in of that the of be into combination with all the united colony of new england in a and league of friendship and of and defence advice and upon all just occasions for our safety and c will col k m their request in there is certainly something in the very of this document that might well inspire ai the name of alexander however mis has heen warlike in every age and though its is in some measure by being coupled with the gentle of still hke the colour of it bears an exceeding great resemblance to the sound of a trumpet from the style of the letter moreover and the ignorance of displayed by the noble captain in his own name we may picture to ourselves this mighty man of strong in arms potent in the field and as great a scholar as though he had been educated among that learned people of who us could not count beyond the number four but whatever might be the threatening aspect of this famous peter was not a man to be kept in a state of and vague apprehension he liked nothing so much	48
as to meet danger face to face and take it by the beard determined therefore to put an end to all these petty on the borders he wrote two or three letters to the grand council which though neither ia bad latin nor yet by about wolves and and op yet had more effect than all the elaborate and of his learned put together in consequence of his the great of the east agreed to enter into a final of and settlement of boundaries to the end that a perpetual and happy peace might take place between the two powers for this purpose governor two to with from the grand council of the league and a treaty was solemnly concluded at on receiving intelligence of this event the whole community was in an uproar of exultation the trumpet of the sturdy van sounded all day with joyful from the of fort and at night the city was illuminated with two hundred and fifty candles besides a barrel of tar which was burnt before the governor s house on the cheering aspect of public affairs and now my worthy reader is doubtless like the great and good peter himself with the that his feelings will no longer be by details of stolen horses broken and all the other catalogue of heart that disgraced these border wars but if he should indulge in such ous it is a proof k s s that he is but little in the ways of to convince him of which i his serious attention to my next chapter wherein i will show that peter has already committed a great error in politics and by a peace has materially the tranquillity of the province i speculations on chapter iii divers speculations on war and showing that a treaty of peace is a great national evil it was the opinion of that poetical her that war was the original state f man whom he described as being a savage beast of prey engaged in a constant of hostility with his own species and that his ferocious spirit was tamed and y society the same opinion been by nor have there been wanting other philosophers to admit and defend it for my part though fond of these valuable speculations so complimentary to nature yet in this instance i am inclined o take the proposition by believing ith that though war may have been the favourite amusement and industrious employment of our yet like part i chap f ac et t post hot sat l i s sl man s many other excellent habits so far from being it has been cultivated and confirmed by refinement and civilization and in exact proportion as we approach towards that state of perfection which is the ne of modem philosophy the first conflict between man and man was the mere exertion of physical force by weapons his arm was his his fist was his and a broken head the catastrophe of his the battle of strength was succeeded by the more rugged one of stones and clubs and war assumed a aspect as man advanced in refinement as his faculties expanded and became more exquisite he grew rapidly more ingenious and experienced in the art of his fellow beings he invented a thousand devices to defend and to assault the and the the sword the dart and the prepared him to the wound as well as to the blow still urging on in the brilliant and career of invention he and powers of defence and injury the the the and the give a horror and to war and its glory by increasing its desolation still though armed with machinery that seemed s fighting by to reach the of destructive invention and to yield a power of injury even with the desires of revenge still deeper must be made in the area na with furious zeal he into the of the earth he toils midst poisonous and deadly the discovery of upon the world and finally the dreadful art of fighting by seems to the demon of war with and this indeed is grand this indeed marks the powers of mind nd that divine of reason which us from the animals our the brutes content themselves with the native force which providence has assigned them the angry bull with his horns as did his before him the hon the and the seek only with their and their to gratify their fury and even the subtle serpent the same and uses tlie same as did his before the flood man alone blessed with the mind goes on from discovery to discovery his powers of destruction the tremendous weapons of deity itself and tasks creation to assist him in his brother worm improvements in war and peace in proportion as the art of war has increased in improvement has the art of preserving peace advanced in equal and as we have discovered in tliis age of wonders and inventions that is the most in war so have we discovered the no less ingenious mode of maintaining peace by perpetual a treaty or to speak more correctly a therefore according to the of experienced learned in these matters is no longer an attempt to accommodate to ascertain rights and to establish an exchange of kind offices test of skill between two powers which shall over reach and take in the other it is a cunning endeavour to obtain by peaceful and the of those advantages which a nation would otherwise have by force of arms in the same manner that a conscientious hi and becomes an excellent and praise worthy citizen himself with his neighbour out of that property he would formerly have seized open violence in fact the only time when two nations can be said to be in a state of perfect is when a is open and a treaty then as there are	48
no entered into ko are the best terms to restrain the will no specific limits the jealousy of right in our nature as each party has some to hope and expect from the other it is that the two nations are so gracious friendly to each other their ministers the highest mutual regard exchanging ts making fine speeches and all those little co and that do so le the good humour of the respective nations is it may be said that there is dr so good an understanding between two as when there is a little and that so long as they are on no terms are on the best terms in the world do not by any means pretend to claim the it of having made the above political it has in fact long been secretly acted n by certain enlightened and is with divers other notable theories lately copied out of the common place book m illustrious gentleman who has been and enjoyed the of heads of to this may be ascribed the wonderful ingenuity t has been shown of late years in i interrupting hence the measure of as how to political skilled in and and in tlie art of argument or some whose errors and be a plea for refusing to his engagements and hence too that most notable expedient so popular with our government of sending out a brace of who having each an individual will to consult character to and interest to promote you may as well look for and between with one mistress two dogs witli one bone or two naked with pair of this therefore is continually breeding and in consequence of which the goes on inasmuch as there is no prospect of its ever coming to a close nothing is lost by these and obstacles but time and in a according to the theory i have exposed all time lost is in reality so much time gained with what delightful does modern i economy abound now all that i have here advanced is so true that i almost blush to take up the time of my readers with treating of matters wliich must many a time have stared them in the face but the proposition to which i would most earnestly call their attention id this peace a certain s e of war a be tbe most of national transactions yet a treaty of peace is political evil and one of the most fruitful of war i have rarely seen an instance of any special between individuals that did not and often downright between them nor did i ever know a treaty between two nations that did not continual how any worthy country neighbours have i known bo after living in peace good fellowship r years have been thrown into a state of and by some ill about fences runs of water and stray and how many well meaning nations would otherwise have remained in the most disposition towards each other have brought to swords points about the or o some treaty which an evil hour they had concluded by way of their more sure at best arc but complied with so ng as interest requires their fulfilment they arc binding on the weaker only or in plain truth they are at all no will go to war ith another if it has nothing to gain id therefore treaty to iti tf vol like courtship violence and if it have any thing to gain i much question from what i have witnessed of the righteous conduct of nations treaty could be made so strong that it could not thrust the sword through nay i would hold ten to one the treaty it would be the very source to which resort would be had to find a pretext for thus therefore i conclude that though it is the best of all for a nation to keep up a constant with its neighbours yet it is the summit of folly for it ever to be b into a treaty for then comes on the non fulfilment and then remonstrance then then then and finally open war in a word is uke courtship a time of sweet words gallant speeches soft looks and caresses but the marriage ceremony is the signal for little occur chapter iv how peter was greatly by his the moss and his con thereupon ir my pains taking read r h not somewhat perplexed in the course of the of my last chapter he will doubtless at one glance perceive that the great peter in concluding a treaty with his eastern neighbours was guilty of a lamentable error and in politics to this unlucky agreement may justly be ascribed a world of little and which afterwards took place between the and the evil disposed council of all these did not a little disturb the constitutional serenity of the good of m but in they were so very pitiful in their nature and effects that a grave historian who the time spent in any thing less than the fall of and the of worlds would think them unworthy be inscribed on bis sacred page m g exultation op the governor tlie reader is therefore to take it for granted though i scorn to waste in the detail that time which my brow and trembling hand inform me is invaluable that all the while the great peter was occupied in those tremendous and bloody that i shall shortly there was a continued series of little dirty and made on the eastern by i he moss of but hke that mirror of chivalry the sage and don i leave these petty for some future of an historian while i reserve my and my pen for achievements of higher dignity now did the great peter conclude labours had come to a close in the east and that he had nothing to do but apply himself to	48
the internal prosperity of his beloved though a man of great modesty he could not help that he had at length shut the temple of and tiiat were all rulers like a certain person who should be nameless it never be opened again but the exultation o the worthy governor was put to a speedy check for scarce was the treaty concluded and hardly was the ink dried on the paper before the aiid council of the league sought a new pretence for tlie flames of discord republican s it se ms to be the nature of and such like powers that want the true masculine character to indulge exceedingly in certain feminine and suspicions like some good lady of delicate and sickly virtue who is in constant dread of having her purity or and who if a man do but take her by the hand or look her in the face is ready to cry out and ruin so these are perpetually on the alarm for the virtue of the country every manly measure is a of the constitution every or other masculine government around them is laying for their and they for ever infernal plots by which they were to be betrayed and brought upon the town if any proof were wanting of the truth of these opinions i would instance the conduct of a certain republic of our day who good dame has already so many plots and against her virtue and has so often come near being made no better than she should be i would notice her constant of poor old england who by her own account has been incessantly trying to sap her honour though from my soul i never could believe the honest old gentleman meant her any foul charges a whereas on the contrary i think i have several times caught her hands and indulging in certain i with that sad fellow who all the world knows to be a great of national virtue to have rained all the in his neighbourhood and to have every republic that came in his but so it is these seem always to gain singular favour with the ladies but i pardon of my reader for thus wandering and will endeavour in some measure to apply the foregoing remarks for in year we are told that the great of the east accused the peter the soul of honour and heart of steel tliat by divers gifts and promises he had been secretly endeavouring to the or and indians to surprise and the yankee for as the council observed the indians round about for divers hundred miles to have deep of an or from the against the english have sought their good both in bodily and respects history does not make mention how the great council of the came by this pre plot whether it was honestly at the author s moderation a fair market price or discovered by sheer good fortune it is certain however that they examined divers indians who all swore to the fact as as though they had been so many christian and to be more sure of their the sage council pi made every mother s son of them devoutly drunk remembering an old and proverb which it s not necessary for me to repeat though descended from a family which suffered much injury from the of those times my great grandfather having had a yoke of oxen and his best stolen and having received a pair of black eyes and a bloody nose in one of these border wars and my grandfather when a very little boy tending pigs having been and severely by a long sided yet i should have passed over all these wrongs with forgiveness and oblivion i could even have suffered them to have broken s head to have kicked the van and his ragged regiment out of doors carried every into and every hen on the face of the earth with perfect but this wanton attack upon one of the most gallant and heroes of modem times is too much even for me to and has with a single puff the sim asserted the historian and the forbearance of the oh reader it was false i swear to thee it was false if thou hast any respect to my word if the character for which i have endeavoured to maintain throughout this work has its due weight with thee thou wilt not give thy faith to this tale of for i pledge my honour and my immortal fame to thee that the gallant peter was not only innocent of this foul conspiracy bat would have suffered his right arm or even his wooden leg to with slow and everlasting flames rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any other way than open generous warfare those that to his honest name by such an peter though he perhaps had never heard of a knight yet had he as true a heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table of king arthur there was a spirit of native gallantry a noble and generous diffused through his rugged manners which altogether gave tokens of an heroic mind he was in truth a hero of struck by the hand of nature at a single heat and though she had taken no farther care to polish and her he stood forth a miracle of her honour of peter but not to be a fault in historic writing which i particularly the great peter possessed in an eminent degree the seven renowned and noble virtues of which as he had never consulted in the and of his mind verily must have been in the corner of his heart by dame nature herself where they flourished among his hardy like so many sweet wild flowers shooting forth and with among stubborn rocks such was the	48
mind of peter the and if my admiration for it has on this occasion transported my style beyond the gravity which becomes the laborious of historic events i can plead as an apology that though a little gray headed arrived almost at the bottom of the down hill of life i still retain some portion of that celestial fire which in the eye of youth when contemplating the virtues and achievements of ancient blessed thrice and nine times blessed be the good st that i have escaped the influence of that which too often the sympathies of age which like a spirit sits at the of the heart every genial sentiment and every spontaneous glow of his no sooner then did this scoundrel on his honour reach the ear of peter than he proceeded in a manner which have to his credit even though h had studied for years in the library of himself he immediately his and squire with orders to ride night and day a herald to the council reproach ing them in terms of noble indignation fe giving ear to the of heathen against the character of a christian a man and a soldier and declaring that as t treacherous and bloody plot alleged him whoever it to be true lied in hi teeth to prove which he defied the presided of the council and all of his or if the pleased their champion captain that mighty man of t meet him in single combat where he trust the of his innocence to of his arm this challenge being delivered with due van sounded a of defiance before the whole council with a most and full in tb face of captain who almost jumped ou of his skin in an of astonishment at th noise this done he mounted a ta l of s which he always rode and trotted merrily the passing through and and and all the ther border towns his trumpet like i very devil so that the sweet valleys and banks f the with the warlike melody and stopping occasionally to eat dance at country and bundle with the of those parts whom tie rejoiced exceedingly with his soul stirring in ut the grand council being composed of considerate men had no idea of running a with such a fiery hero as the hardy peter on the contrary they sent him an answer in the the most mild and provoking terms in which they assured him that his guilt was proved to their perfect satisfaction by the testimony of divers sober and respectable indians and concluding with this truly amiable paragraph for of the barbarous charged will uttle in balance against such evidence that we must still require and due satisfaction and so we rest sir in of c i am aware that the above transaction has been differently recorded by i o q i conduct of the of the east and elsewhere who seem to have inherited the enmity of their ancestors to the peter and much good may their inheritance do them these declare that peter requested to have the charges against him inquired into by to be pointed for the purpose and yet that when such were appointed he refused to submit to their examination in this artful account there is but the semblance of truth he did indeed most gallantly when found a deaf ear was turned to his to submit his conduct to the inspection of a court of honour but then he expected to find it an august composed of courteous gentlemen the and nobility of the and of the province of new where he might be tried by his in a manner worthy of his rank and dignity whereas let me perish if they did not send to the two lean sided hungry mounted on with saddle bags under their and green under their as though they were it to beat the from one county court to another in search of a law suit the peter as might be expected took no notice of these cunning who with professional industry fell to and of the about in quest o ex evidence divers simple indians and old women with their cross questioning until they contradicted and themselves most horribly thus fulfilled their errand to their own satisfaction they returned to the grand council witb their and saddle bags stuffed full of stories and outrageous for all which the great peter did not care a tobacco but i warrant me had they attempted to play off the same trick upon the he would have treated them both to an on his patent gallows the grand council of the east held a very solemn meeting on the return of their after they had pondered a long time on the situation of affairs were upon the point of without being able to agree upon any thing at this critical moment one of those spirits who endeavour to establish a character for by blow ii the of party until the whole furnace of politics is red hot with sparks and and who have just cunning enough to know that there is no time so favourable for getting on the people s backs as when they are in a state of turmoil and attending to every body s business but their own this of vol against who was called a great because he had secured a in council by all liis he say conceived this a fit opportunity to strike a blow that should secure his popularity bis who lived on the borders and were the greatest in excepting the scotch border like a second peter the therefore lie stood forth and preached up a against peter and his devoted city lie made a speech which lasted six hours according to the ancient custom in these parts in which he resented the dutch as a race	48
by putting a nation in and fixing it in an attitude in which and attitude it makes as martial a figure and is likely to itself with as much as the renowned when suddenly equipped to defend his island of the sturdy peter eyed this ragged regiment with some such aspect as a man would eye the devil but knowing like a wise man that all he had to do was to make the best out f a bad bargain he determined to give his heroes a having therefore them the manual exercise over and over again he ordered the to strike up a quick march and his sturdy boots backwards and forwards about the streets of new dam and the fields adjacent until their short legs ached and their fat sides again but this was not all the martial spirit of the old governor caught fire from the music of the and he resolved to try the f his troops and give them a taste of the of iron war to this end he them as the shades of evening fell upon a hill formerly called s hill at some distance from the town with a full intention of them into the discipline of and of the next day the toils and perils of the but so it o ki m t awful dissolution of the re there fell a great and heavy rain which descended in torrents upon the camp and the mighty army strangely melted away before it so that when came to shed his morning beams upon the place saving peter and his van scarce one was to be found of all the multitude that had there the night before this awful dissolution of his army would have appalled a commander of less nerve than peter but he considered it as a matter of but small importance though he regarded the with ten times greater contempt than ever and took care to pro tide himself with a good garrison of chosen men whom he kept in pay of whom he boasted that they at least possessed the quality indispensable in soldiers of being water proof the next care of the was to strengthen and new for this purpose he caused to be built a strong ence that reached across the island from river to river being intended to protect the city not merely from the sudden of foreign enemies but likewise from the of the neighbouring savages in an antique view of new taken some years after the above period is a this wall which stretched along the course of wall street m l n of great v t a prodigious strong wall built some traditions it is true have ascribed the building of this wall to a later period but thej are wholly for a in the manuscript dated towards the mid die of the governor s reign this wall particularly as a very strong and curious piece of and the admiration of all the in the neighbourhood and it moreover the alarming circumstance of a drove of stray cows breaking through the grand wall of a dark night by which the whole community of new was thrown a terrible panic in addition to this great wall he cast up several to fort to protect the at the point of the island these consisted of formidable mud faced after the manner of the dutch common in those days with shells these frowning in process of time came to he pleasantly by a carpet of grass and and their high by wide spreading among whose foliage the little birds the land opened upon broad way hard by where at present stands the church and another called the water stood about where the ton coffee house is at present opening upon or as it is commonly called smith fly then a y with a creek or iv c i v a ss origin or the battery about rejoicing the ear with their melodious notes the old would repair of an afternoon to smoke their pipes under the shade branches contemplating the golden mm as he gradually sunk into the west an emblem of that tranquil end toward which themselves were hastening while the young men and the of the town would take many a stroll among these favourite haunts watching the silver beams of tremble along the calm bosom of the bay or light up the white sail of some gliding bark and the honest vows of constant affection such was the origin of that walk the battery which though devoted to the purposes of war has ever been consecrated to the sweet delights of peace the favourite walk of declining age the resort of the invalid the sunday refreshment of the dusty the scene of many a boyish the of many a tender the comfort of the citizen the ornament of new york and the pride of the lovely island of hostile preparations of the chapter vi how the people of the east country were suddenly afflicted with a evil and their measures for the thereof having thus provided for the temporary security of new and guarded it against any sudden surprise the gallant peter took a hearty pinch of snuff and snapping his fingers set the great council of and their champion the at defiance it is impossible to say notwithstanding what might have been the issue of this af fair had not the council been all at once involved in sad and ai much sown among its members as of was stirred up in the camp of the warriors of greece m the council of the league as i shown in my last chapter had already announced its hostile and already was the mighty of new haven and the town of called famous for its and its and the p j ho great trading house of and all the	48
ot er border towns in a prodigious turmoil up their rusty pieces and shouting aloud for war by which they anticipated easy and gorgeous spoils from the little fat dutch villages but this joyous was soon silenced by the conduct of the colony of struck with the gallant spirit of the brave old peter and convinced by the frankness and heroic warmth of his they refused to believe him guilty of the infamous plot most laid at his door with a generosity for which i would yield them immortal honour they declared that no of the grand council of the league should bind the general court of to join in an offensive war which should appear to such general court to be unjust this refusal immediately involved the colony of and the other combined colonies in very serious difficulties and and would no doubt have produced a dissolution of the but that the council of finding that they could not stand alone if by the loss of so a member as were fain to abandon col vol ii new ex land horribly for the present their hostile against the such is the marvellous energy and the of those composed of a number of sturdy self willed parts loosely together by a general government as it was however the warlike towns of had no cause to this disappointment of martial for by my faith though the combined powers of the league might hate been too potent in the end for the warriors of the yet in the i would the lion hearted peter and his have the heroes of with their own and have given the other little border towns such a that i warrant they would have had no stomach to on the land or the of a for a century to come indeed there was more than one cause to divert the attention of the good people of the east from their hostile purposes for just about this time were they horribly and harassed by the of the prince of darkness divers of whose subjects they detect lurking within their camp all of whom they as so many and dangerous enemies not to speak in we are informed tliat at this juncture the new england provinces were exceedingly troubled i of the mob by multitudes of who wrought strange devices to and distress the multitude and numerous judicious and bloody laws had been against all conversing or with the by way of or the hke yet did the dark crime of continue to increase to an alarming degree that would almost belief were not the fact too well to be even doubted for an instant is particularly worthy of admiration is that terrible art which so long has baffled the and studies of philosophers mists and other was chiefly confined to the most ignorant and ugly old women in the community more brains than the de upon when once an alarm the public who love dearly to be in a panic are not long in want of proofs to support it raise but cry of yellow fever and immediately every head ache and and overflowing of the is pronounced the terrible in like in the present instance whoever was troubled with a or w as sure to be and wo to any unlucky new record go for old woman that lived in his such a howling could not be s ed to remain long unnoticed and it soon attracted the fiery indignation of the s and part of the community of those who had much active benevolence in the and the grand the publicly set their faces ag so deadly and dangerous a sin and a severe tiny took place after those wit who were easily detected by devil s pin black cats and the their only being able to weep three tears those out of the left eye it is incredible the number of were detected for e er of which the profound and r br that excellent me history of new we have such a sufficient evidence th reasonable man in this whole country eve question them a id it will be unreasonable it in any other indeed that and judicious john us with un facts on subject there are n he that beg in this country but s new b ch marvellous instance op obstinacy be too many bottle and others that produce many if you will believe report of a at sea with women and of a ship and great red horse standing by the the ship being in a small to the eastward vanished of a sudden c the number of however and their devices were not more remarkable than their obstinacy though in the most solemn and affectionate manner to confess themselves guilty and be burnt for the good of religion and the entertainment of the public yet did they most persist in asserting their innocence such incredible obstinacy was in itself deserving of immediate punishment and was sufficient proof if proof were necessary that they were in league with the devil who is perverse ness itself but their judges were just and merciful and were determined to punish none that were not convicted on the best of testimony not that they needed any evidence to satisfy their own minds for like true and experienced judges their minds were perfectly made up and they were thoroughly satisfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they proceeded to try them but still something was y to convince the community at large t vii r mode op mines who come after them in the world must be satisfied oh the world t world all the world knows the world of ble the world is t worthy judges therefore were driven to the i of and making as noon day matters which were at the co all clearly understood and decided upon	48
in their own so tl it may truly be said that the were bu to gratify the of the day but w tried for the satisfaction of the whole world tl should come after them finding therefore that neither sound reason nor friendly entreaty had any a on these hardened they resorted to more urgent arguments of the torture and h ing thus absolutely wrung the truth from th stubborn lips they condemned them to the due unto the crimes tl had confessed some even carried their p so far as to under the protesting their innocence to the last but th were looked upon as thoroughly and possessed by the devil and the pious by ers only lamented that they had not little longer to have perished in the flames in the city of we are told that i was tv ra ed circumstances beggar to death whom pointed out as being the evil spirit that caused it and who actually showed himself to be a demon by changing into a dog in like manner and by measures equally sagacious a check was given to this growing evil the were all burnt banished or panic struck and in a little while there was not an ugly old woman to be found throughout new england which is doubtless one reason why all the young women there are so handsome those honest folk who had from their gradually recovered excepting such as had been with and which however assumed the less alarming aspect of and and the good people of new england the study of the turned their attention to the more profitable of trade and soon became expert in the art of turning a penny still however a tinge of the old is even unto this day in their characters occasionally start up among in as and the people at lai e show a a cleverness and a of wisdom hat strongly of and it has been remarked that whenever any stones fall from tlie moon the greater part o l wa to tumble into england protecting care of st al chapter vii records the rise and renown of a commander showing that a man like a be puffed up to greatness and by mere wind when treating of these times the unknown writer of the manuscript breaks out into a vehement in praise of the good st to whose protecting care he entirely the strange that broke out in the council of the and the that prevailed in the east country whereby the hostile against the were for a time and his favourite city of new preserved from imminent peril and deadly warfare darkness and lowering superstition hung over the fair valleys of the cast the pleasant banks of the no longer echoed with the sounds of rustic and were seen in the air gliding haunted every wild brook and dreary strange voices i e m were heard in van desert and the border towns were so occupied in and the old women that had produced these alarm appearances that for a while the province f and its inhabitants were forgotten the great peter therefore finding that was to be immediately apprehended from lis eastern neighbours turned himself about vith a vigilance that ever him to put a stop to the of the these my attentive reader recollect had begun to be very troublesome the latter part of the reign of william he having set the of that little governor at naught and put the to a perfect non peter however as has already een shown was a governor of different habits turn of without more he issued orders for raising a corps of troops to be stationed on the southern frontier under the command of general van this illustrious warrior had risen to great importance during the reign of and if histories speak true was second in command to the van when he and bis ragged were kicked his out of fort good hope by the in consequence of having been in such a memorable affair and of having received more wounds on a certain honourable part that be than any of his comrades he was ever after considered as a hero who had seen some service certain it is he enjoyed the confidence and friendship of the who would sit for hours and t ten with wonder to his of surprising he had never gained and dreadful battles from which he had run away it was observed by honest old that heaven had into some men at their birth a portion of intellectual into others of intellectual silver while others were furnished out with abundance of brass and iron now of this last class was undoubtedly the great general h and from the display he continually ma de thereof i am inclined to think that nature will sometimes be partial had blessed him with enough of those valuable materials to have fitted up a dozen ordinary but what is most to be admired is that he contrived to pass off all his brass and copper upon who was no great judge of base coin as pure and genuine gold the was that upon the resignation of van who af his person r the loss of fort good hope retired like a general to live under the shade of his the mighty copper captain was pro ted to his station this he filled with great p or always himself commander chief of tlie armies of the new o tell the truth the armies or rather my consisted of a handful of hen such was the character of the warrior peter to defend his southern nor may it be uninteresting to my have a glimpse of his person he was not ry but notwithstanding a huge full man whose bulk did not so much arise from s fat as windy	48
being so completely in ted with his own that he one of those bags of wind which j in l incredible fit of generosity gave to that wan ting warrior his dress with his character for he id almost as much brass and copper without nature had stored away within his coat was and and with er lace and round the body with crimson of the size and texture of a net doubtless to keep his heart from through his ribs his head and whiskers ere powdered from the midst of his dress which his full blooded face glowed like a fiery furnace and his soul seemed to out at a pair of large eyes which projected like those of a i swear to thee worthy reader if report not this warrior i would give all the money in my pocket to have seen him cap a pie in martial array to the to the chin to the ears to the teeth crowned with an cocked hat and with a belt ten inches broad from which a of a length that dare n t mention thus equipped he about as bitter looking a man of war as the far more of more hall when he forth armed at all fl to the of notwithstanding all the great and qualities of this renowned general i must confess he wag not exactly the kind of had you but seen this dress how fierce he look d and how big you would have for to be some egyptian he all cats dogs and all each cow each horse and each for fear they did flee fur tp f k him to b some strange hedge ballad of of want military men scarce man that the gallant peter would have chosen to command his troops but the truth is that in those days the province did not abound as at present in great military characters who like many people every little village out instead of and themselves in the com instead of the field of battle who have the toils of war for the more use but arts of peace and so blended he laurel with the that you may have a for a landlord a colonel for a stage and horse shod by a cap ain of the general v on therefore was appointed to the command of the new troops chiefly there were no for the station and partly because it would have been a breach of military etiquette to have appointed a officer over his head an injustice which the great peter would have rather died than have committed no sooner did this thrice copper captain receive marching orders than i conducted his army to the southern frontier through wild lands and savage deserts over mountains aa ble floods and through impenetrable forests j a vast tract of co vol op more perils according to his own account than did ever the great in his far retreat with his ten thousand all this accomplished he established on the south or river a named fort in honour of a favourite pair of coloured breeches of the governor as this fort will be found to give rise to very important and interesting events it may be worth while to notice that it was afterwards called and was the original of the present flourishing town of castle an for o castle there neither being nor ever having been a castle or any thing of the kind upon the promises the did not this menacing movement of the s on the contrary j t j t time governor of new issued a protest against what he termed an upon his but von had become too well in the nature of and protest while he served under william the to be in any wise by such paper warfare his fortress being finished it would have done any man s heart good to behold into what a magnitude he immediately swelled he would stride in and out a dozen times a day surveying it in front of von id in rear on this side and on that then ould he dress himself in full and hack wards and forwards for hours on the top of his little like a vain cock pigeon on the top of in a word unless mj readers have no r with curious the petty commander one of our little military posts with all the vanity of new id the derived from commanding a of i despair of giving any adequate idea of the prodigious dignity f general von it is recorded in the of forest that a young y king alexander did gallop in an adjoining forest and the trees ith such might and main that the whole court as convinced that he was the most potent and gentleman on the face of the earth n like manner the great von would off that which like wind so apt to grow in the of new soldiers them to box and broken headed quarrels for at times when he found his martial spirit hot within him he would sally into the fields and out his re would lay about him most j t hid exploits and by down whole of which he termed gigantic and if venture he a colony of honest big quietly themselves in the sun ah would he roar have i caught ye at last so saying with one sweep of his sword he would the unhappy vegetables from the r to their by which warlike his being in some sort be would return to his garrison with a full conviction that he was a very miracle of military the next ambition of general von was to be thought a strict well knowing that is the soul of all military he enforced it with the most precision obliging every man to turn out	48
his toes and hold up his head on parade and the breadth of their to all such as had any shirts to their backs having one day in the course of his devout in the bible for the pious himself could not exceed him in outward religion encountered the history of and his me end the general in an evil hour issued orders for the hair of both o and men throughout the garrison now it came to pass that among liis officers was one j s long tail ter a sturdy who had cherished through the course of a long hfe a rugged of hair not a little resembling the of a dog g with an like the handle of a pan and so tightly to his head that his eyes and mouth generally stood and his eye brows were drawn up to the top of his forehead it may naturally be supposed that the possessor of so goodly an would resist with an it to the on hearing the general orders he discharged a tempest of soldier like oaths and swore he would break any man s head who attempted to with his tail it than ever and it about the garrison as fiercely as the tail of a a the skin of old became instantly an affair of the utmost importance the commander in chief was too enlightened an officer not to perceive that the discipline of the garrison the and good order of the armies of the the consequent safety of the whole and ultimately the dignity and prosperity of their high the lords states general but above all the dignity of tlie great g von h all demanded the of that stubborn he therefore ordered to be that old should be of his glories in presence of the whole the old man as resolutely stood on ae whereupon the general as became t great man was highly exasperated and the was arrested and tried bj a court martial for desertion and all the t ther list of noticed in the articles of war ending with a in wearing an skin feet long contrary to orders then came on and trials and and whole country was in a about this unfortunate as it is well known that the commander of a distant frontier post has the power of acting pretty much after his own will there is little doubt but that the would have been hanged or shot at least had he not luckily fallen ill of a fever through mere and mortification and most deserted from all earthly command with his beloved locks his obstinacy remained to the very last moment when he directed that he should be carried to his grave with his skin sticking out of a hole in his coffin this affair obtained the general great credit as an excellent but it is hinted he ever after subject to bad k to the governor and fearful in the night the of old stand by his bed side erect as a his enormous out like the book iv f containing the second part op the reign op peter the and his gallant achievements on the chapter i in which is exhibited a warlike portrait of the great peter and how general von distinguished himself at fort hitherto most venerable and courteous reader have i shown thee the of the under the mild of peace or rather the grim tranquillity of awful expectation but now the war from afar the brazen trumpet its thrilling note and the rude clash of hostile arms speaks fearful of coming troubles the gallant warrior starts from soft repose visions and ease where in the time of peace he sought a solace after all his toils no more in beauty s lap he fair for his lady s brows no more with flowers his shining sword nor through the long lazy summer s day forth his soul in to manhood roused he the from his back the robe of peace and clothes his limbs in of steel o er his dark brow where late the waved where wanton roses breathed love he the beaming and the bright shield and shakes the ponderous lance or with eager pride his fiery and for deeds of glorious chivalry but soft worthy i would not have you imagine that any thus with iron existed in the city of new this is but a lofty and gigantic mode in which heroic writers always talk of war thereby to give it a noble and imposing aspect our warriors with and and such like and weapons the like of which perchance they had never seen or heard of in the same manner that a cunning a modern general or an admiral in the of a or an alexander the simple truth then of j flourish is this that the peter goes forth to battle all of a sudden found it necessary to his blade which too long had in its and prepare himself to undergo those hardy toils of war in which bis mighty soul so much delighted i at this moment behold him in my nation or rather i behold his goodly portrait which still hangs up in the family mansion of the arrayed in all the terrors of a true dutch general his coat of german blue decorated with a goodly show of large brass butt s reaching from his to his chin the skirts turned up at the corners and separating gallantly behind so as to display the seat of a pair of coloured trunk breeches a graceful style still among the warriors of cur day and which is in to the custom of ancient heroes who scorned to defend themselves in rear his face rendered exceedingly terrible and warlike by a pair of his hair out on each side in stiffly ear locks and descending in a	48
rat tail below his waist a shining stock of black leather supporting his chin and a little but fierce cocked hat stuck with a gallant and fiery air over his left eye such was the port of peter the head i and when he made a sudden halt plant his port ed himself on his solid with his wooden leg with silver a little in advance in order to strengthen his position his right hand grasping a gold headed cane his left resting upon the of his sword his head dressing to the right with a most appalling and hard favoured frown upon his brow he presented altogether one of the most commanding bitter looking and figures that ever upon proceed we now to inquire the cause of this warlike preparation the disposition of the on the south or river has been duly recorded in the of reign of william the these having been endured with that heroic which is the corner stone of true courage had been repeated and the who were of that class of to christianity who read the bible down whenever it with their interests the golden and when their neighbour suffered them to him on the one cheek they generally smote him on the other also whether turned to them or not their repeated had been among the numerous sources of vexation that to keep the irritable of i i of the in a constant and it was owing to the unfortunate circumstance that be had always a hundred things to do t once that he did not take such vengeance as their but they had now a character to deal with and they were soon guilty of a piece of treachery that threw his honest blood in a and all further the governor of the province of new being either deceased or removed for of this fact some uncertainty exists was succeeded by a gigantic and who had he not been rather knock and footed might have served for the model of a or a he was no less than mighty and withal as as he was so that in fact there is very little doubt had he some four or five before he would have been one of those wicked giants who took such a cruel pleasure in distressed when about the world and them up in enchanted castles without a toilet a change of linen or any other convenience in of which they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry and all true loyal gallant knights were instructed to attack outright any they might th pen to find above six feet high which is doubtless one reason that the race of large men is nearly extinct and the generations of latter ages so exceeding small no sooner did governor enter upon office than he immediately cast his eyes upon the important post of fort and formed the righteous resolution of taking it into his possession the only thing that remained to consider was the mode of carrying his resolution into effect and here i must do him the to say that he exhibited a humanity rarely to be met with among leaders and which i have never seen equalled in modern times excepting among the english in their affair at willing to spare the n of blood and the miseries of open warfare he every ed hostility r regular siege and resorted to tlie less glorious but more merciful expedient of treachery under pretence therefore of paying a visit to von at his new post of fort he made preparation sailed in great state up the displayed his flag with the most and honoured the fortress with a al salute previous to dropping anchor the noise awakened a ve a t v v vol j s his treacherous conduct who was faithfully at his post and who having suffered his match to go out contrived to return the by his rusty with the spark of a pipe which he borrowed from one of his comrades the salute indeed would have been answered by the guns of the fort had they not unfortunately been out of order and the magazine deficient in to which have in all ages been liable and which were the more in the present as fort had only been erected about two years and general von h its mighty commander had been fully occupied with matters of much greater importance highly satisfied with this courteous reply to his salute treated the fort to a second for he well knew its commander was mar delighted with these little which he considered as so many acts of homage paid unto his greatness he then landed in great state attended by a of thirty men a pro and vain glorious for a petty governor of a petty settlement in those days of primitive simplicity and to the full as great an army as generally the pomp and in the rear of our frontier at the present day the m t ct m t have awakened von s suspicion had not the mind of the great von been so completely engrossed with an all idea of himself that he had not room to admit a thought besides in fact he considered the of s followers as a compliment to himself so apt are great men to stand between themselves and the sun and the truth by their own shadow it may readily be imagined how much general von was flattered by a visit from so august a personage his only embarrassment was how he should receive him in such a manner as to appear to the greatest advantage and make the most advantageous impression the main guard was ordered immediately to turn out and the arms and of which the garrison possessed full half a dozen suits were equally distributed among the soldiers one tall fellow appeared in a coat intended for	48
a small man the skirts of which reached a little below his waist the buttons were between his shoulders and the sleeves half way to his wrists ao that his hands looked like a couple of huge and the coat not being large to meet in front was linked together by made of a pair of red another had an old cocked hat stuck on the back of his decorated with a bunch of g of fort a third had a pair of rusty hanging about his heels while a fourth who was short and duck legged was equipped in a huge pair of tlie general s cast off breeches which he held up with one hand while he grasped his with the other the rest were in similar style excepting three i who had no shirts and but a pair ana a half of breeches between them wherefore they were sent to the black hole to keep them out of view there is nothing in which the talents of a prudent commander are more completely than in thus setting matters off to the greatest advantage and it is for tliis that our frontier posts at the present day that of for example display their best suit of re i on the back of the who stands in sight of s his men being thus gallantly arrayed those who lacked and and every man being ordered to in his shirt tail and pull up his general von first took a sturdy draught of foaming ale which the more of was his invariable practice on all great as as he rose to make him strong and mighty he drank by the tale six pots of ale and a of meeting of the two heroes occasions which done he put himself at their head ordered the pine which served as a draw bridge to be laid down and issued forth from his castle like a mighty giant just refreshed with wine but when the two heroes met then began a scene of warlike parade and courtesy that beggars all description who as i before hinted was a shrewd cunning and had grown gray much before his time in consequence of his saw at one glance the ruling passion of the great von and humoured him in all his their were accordingly drawn up in front of each other they carried arms and they presented arms they gave the standing salute and the passing salute they rolled their drums and flourished their and they waved their colours they faced to the left and they faced to the right and they faced to the right about they wheeled forward and they wheeled backward and they wheeled into they marched and they by grand divisions by single divisions and by by by sections and by in quick time in slow time and in no time at ill for having gone through all the of two great including the eighteen o having x survey op the could recollect or imagine of military including sundry strange and irregular tlie like of which were never seen before or since excepting among certain of our newly raised the two great and their respective troops came at length to a dead halt completely exhausted by the toils of war never did two train band captains or two heroes in tlie renowned of tom thumb or any other and fighting tragedy their duck legged heavy with more glory and self admiration these military compliments being finished general von escorted his illustrious with great ceremony into the fort attended him throughout the showed him the horn works crown works half and various other or rather the places where they ought to be erected and where they might be erected if he pleased plainly that it was a place of great and though at present but a little yet hat it evidently was a formidable fortress in this survey over he next had the whole garrison put under arms exercised and and concluded by ordering the three birds to be hauled out of the black hole brought up to the and soundly an afternoon s campaign for the amusement of his and to convince him that he was a great the cunning while he pretended to be struck dumb outright with the of the great von took silent note of the of his garrison of which he gave a hint to his followers who tipped each other the wink and laughed most in their sleeves the inspection review and being concluded the party to the table for among his other great qualities the general was remarkably to huge or rather and in one afternoon s would leave more dead men on the field than he ever did in the whole course of his military career many of these do still remain on record and the whole province was once thrown in by the return of one of his wherein it was stated that though like captain he had only twenty men to back him yet in the short space of six months he had conquered and utterly sixty oxen ninety one hundred sheep ten thousand one thousand of potatoes one hundred and fifty of small beer two thousand seven hundred and thirty five pipes seventy eight pounds of sugar and forty bars of iron ar von s banquet small game poultry and garden stuff an achievement since the days of and his all devouring army and which showed that it was only necessary to let potent von and his garrison loose in an enemy s country and in a little while they would breed a famine and starve all the inhabitants no sooner therefore had the general received the first intimation of the visit of governor than he ordered a great dinner to be prepared and privately sent out a of bis most experienced to	48
light of and not to repeat the offence whenever another opportunity presented sometimes in consequence of some he would from the garrison and be absent for a month at a time about the woods and with a long piece on his shoulder laying in for game or himself down on the edge of a pond catching fish for hours together und bearing no little resemblance to that notable bird the mud when he t his crimes had been forgotten or he would back to the fort with a bundle of skins or a bunch of poultry which perchance he had stolen and would exchange them for liquor with which having well soaked his he would lay in the sun and enjoy all the luxurious of that philosopher he was the terror of all the in the country into which he made fearful and sometimes he would make bis sudden appearance at the garrison at day break with the whole neighbourhood at his heels like a scoundrel thief of a fox detected in his and to his hole such was this his manner of life and from the total indifference he showed to the world or its concerns and from his truly indian and no one would ever have that he would have been the of the treachery of when the was going on which proved so fatal to the brave von and his watchful garrison about from room to room being a kind of privileged or useless hound whom nobody noticed but though a fellow of few words yet hke your people his eyes and ears were always open and in the course of his he overheard the whole plot of the immediately settled in his own mind how he should turn the matter to his own advantage he played the perfect jack of both sides that is to say he made a prize of every thing that came in his reach robbed both parties stuck the copper bound cocked hat of the von h on his head whipped a huge pair of s jack boots under his arms and took to his heels just before the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison finding himself completely from his haunt in this quarter he directed his flight towards his native place new from whence he had formerly been to his flight to new in consequence of misfortune in business that is to say having been detected in the act of sheep stealing after wandering many days in the woods toiling through swimming various rivers and a world of hardships that would have killed any other being but an indian a back wood man or the devil he at length arrived half and as a starved at where he stole a and over to new immediately on landing he repaired to governor and in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole course of his life an account of the disastrous affair on receiving these tidings the peter started from his seat dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the chimney thrust a prodigious of tobacco into his left cheek pulled up his and strode np and down the room humming as was customary with him when in a passion a hideous north west but as i have before shown he was not man to vent his in idle his first measure after the of wrath had subsided was to stump up stairs to a huge wooden chest which served as his from he drew forth that identical of described in the for action in these he arrayed himself like in the of maintaining all the while a most appalling silence knitting his brows and drawing his breath through his clenched teeth being hastily equipped he strode down into the parlour jerked down his sword from over the fireplace where it was usually suspended but before he it on his he drew it from its and as his eye along the rusty blade a grim smile stole over his iron it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five long weeks but every one who beheld it that there would soon be warm work in the province thus armed at all points with war depicted in each feature his very cocked hat assuming an air of uncommon defiance he instantly put himself upon the alert and despatched van hither and thither this way and that way through all the muddy streets and crooked lanes of the city by sound of trumpet his to in instant council this done by way of matters according to the custom of people in a hurry he in continual bustle shifting from chair to chair his head out of every window and up and down stairs with his wooden leg in brisk he summons a council and incessant motion that as we are informed by an historian of the times the continual clatter bore no small resemblance to the music of a a flour barrel a summons so and from a man of the governor s was not to be with the forthwith repaired to the council chamber seated themselves with the utmost tranquillity and their long pipes gazed with composure on his and his being as all should be not easily or taken by surprise the governor looking around for a moment with a lofty and air and resting one hand on the of his sword and flinging the other forth in a free and spirited manner addressed them in a short but soul stirring i am extremely sorry that i have not the advantages of and others of my who were furnished as i am told with the speeches of all their great and taken down in short hand by the most accurate of the time whereby they were enabled wonderfully to their histories and delight their readers with sublime strains of eloquence not having such	48

Subsets and Splits