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important i cannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor of governor speeches or ancient heroes s speech i am bold however to say from the tenor of his character that he did not wrap his rugged subject in and and other sickly of phrase but spoke forth uke a man of nerve and vigour who scorned to shrink in words from those dangers which be stood ready to encounter in very deed this much is certain that he concluded by announcing his determination of leading on his troops in person and these from their quarters at fort to this resolution such of his council as were awake gave their usual signal of and as to the rest who had fallen asleep about the middle of the their usual custom in the afternoon they made not the least objection and now was seen in the fair city of new a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron war parties marched hither and thither calling upon all the the and of the and its vicinity who had any ambition of six pence a day and immortal fame into the bargain to in the cause of glory for i would have you note that warlike heroes who in the rear of are generally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are equal for the army or the x peter the the or the post for whom dame fortune has cast an even die whether they shall make their exit by the sword or the and whose deaths shall at all events be a lofty example to their countrymen but notwithstanding all this martial and invitation the ranks of honour were but supplied so averse were the peaceful of new from in foreign or stirring beyond that home which rounded all their earthly ideas upon beholding this the great peter whose noble heart was all on fire with war and sweet revenge determined to wait no longer for the assistance of these citizens but to muster up his merry men of the who brought up among woods and and savage beasts uke our of delighted in nothing so much as desperate adventures and perilous through the wilderness thus he ordered his squire van to have his state prepared and duly which being performed he attended public service at the great church of st like a true and pious governor and then leaving orders with his council to have the chivalry of the out and appointed against his return departed upon his voyage up the waters of the or his chapter iii containing peter voyage up the and the wonders and delights of that renowned river now did the soft breezes of the south steal over the face of nature the panting of summer into genial ind warmth when that miracle of and virtue the peter spread his to the wind and from the fair island of in which he embarked was adorned with and of which fluttered in the wind i drooped their ends in the bosom of the stream the bow and of this majestic vessel were after the du fashion figures of little with n their heads and bearing in their hands of flowers the like of which are not to be in any book of being the flowers which flourished in the golden age ind exist no longer unless it be in the of ingenious of wood and of i voyage the thus rarely decorated in style the state of the of the did the of peter forth upon the bosom of the which as it rolled its broad waves to the ocean seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride as if conscious of the illustrious it sustained but trust far other was the scene presented to the contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this day and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this mighty river the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid down the dark forests and tamed the features of the landscape nor had the frequent sail of commerce yet broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages here and there might be seen a rude perched among tlie cliffs of the mountains with its curling column of smoke mounting in the transparent atmosphere but so situated that the of the savage children on the margin of the dizzy heights fell almost as faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the vault of heaven now and then from the brow of some rocky precipice the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid as it passed and then tossing his in ttie air hound away into the of tbe delightful through such scenes did the stately vessel peter pass now did they skirt the of the rocky heights of which spring up hke everlasting walls reaching from the waves unto the heavens and were fashioned if traditions may be believed in times long past by th mighty spirit to protect his l from the eyes of mortals now did they career it across the vast expanse of bay whose wide extended shores present a vast variety of scenery here the bold crowned with trees advancing into the bay there the long slope sweeping up from shore in rich and in precipice while at a distance a waving line of rocky heights threw their gigantic shades across the water now would they pass where some modest little interval opening among these scenes yet retreating as it were for protection into the embraces of the neighbouring mountains displayed a rural paradise with sweet and pastoral beauties the velvet lawn the the stealing through the fresh and vivid on whose banks was situated some little village or the rude cabin of some hunter grandeur of sunset the different periods of the revolving day seemed each with cunning magic | 48 |
to a different charm over the scene now would the jovial sun break from the east blazing from the of the hills and sparkling the landscape with a thousand gems while along the borders of the river were masses of mist which hke midnight disturbed at hi approach made a retreat rolling in sullen reluctance up the mountains at such times all was brightness and life and the seemed of an indescribable and the birds broke forth in wanton and the breezes the vessel merrily on her course but when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous then all was calm and silent and magnificent the late swelling sail hung against the mast the with folded arms leaned against ihe lost in that involuntary musing which tlie sober grandeur of nature commands in the of her children the vast bosom of tlie was like an mirror the golden splendour of the heavens excepting that now and then a bark would steal across its surface filled with painted savages gay br jl tu as perchance a twilight scene a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains but when the hour of twilight spread its magic mists around then did the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms which to the worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its maker arc the mellow light that prevailed just served to tinge with colours the softened features of the scenery the deceived but delighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad masses of shade the separating line between the land and water or to distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos now did the busy fancy supply the of vision producing with industrious craft a fairy creation of her own under her the barren rocks frowned upon the watery waste in the semblance of lofty towers and high castles trees assumed the forms of mighty giants and the inaccessible of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand beings now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of insects which filled the ai with a strange but not concert while ever and anon was heard the melancholy of the whip poor will who perched on some lone tree wearied the ear of ai t oh ii awful with his incessant the mind soothed into a melancholy listened with pensive stillness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore now and then startled perchance by the of some straggling savage or the dreary howl of a wolf stealing forth upon his nightly thus happily did they pursue their course until they entered upon those awful the it would seem that the gigantic had their war with heaven up cliffs on cliffs and vast masses of rock in wild confusion but in very different is the history of these cloud mountains these in ancient days before the poured his waters from the lakes formed one vast prison within whose rocky bosom the confined tlie spirits who at his here bound in chains or in pines or by ponderous rocks they groaned for many an age at length the conquering in his irresistible career towards the ocean burst open their prison house rolling his tide triumphantly its ruins still ho ver do many of them about their old and these it is according to venerable legends that cause tlie echoes which punishment op throughout these awful which are nothing but their angry when any noise the of their repose for when the elements are agitated by tempest when the winds are up and the thunder rolls then horrible is the yelling and howling of these troubled spirits making the mountains to with their hideous uproar for at such times it is said that they think the great is returning once more to plunge them in gloomy and renew their intolerable but all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant naught occupied his mind but thoughts of iron war and proud of hardy deeds of arms neither did his honest crew trouble their vacant heads with any romantic speculations of the kind the pilot at the quietly smoked his pipe thinking of nothing either past present or to come those of his comrades who were not under the were listening with open mouths to van who seated on the was relating to them the marvellous history of those of fire flies that sparkled like and upon the dusky robe of night these according to tradition were originally a race of who peopled van a long before the memory of man being of that race emphatically called and who for their innumerable sins against the children of men and to furnish an awful warning to the sex were doomed to the earth in the shape of these threatening and terrible little enduring the internal of that fire which they formerly carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words but now are to bear about for in their tails and now am i going to tell a fact which i doubt much my readers will hesitate to believe but if they do they are welcome not t believe a word in this whole history for nothing which it contains is more true it must be known then that the nose of the was of a very size boldly from his countenance like a mountain of being with and other precious stones the true of a king of good fellows which jolly to all who it heartily at the now thus it happened that bright and early in the morning the good having washed his was leaning over the quarter railing of the contemplating it in the wave below just at this moment the illustrious sun breaking in all | 48 |
his splendour from ow o tbe hi h bt the reflection of his nose of the did dart one of his most potent beams full upon the nose of the of brass the reflection of which shot straightway down hissing hot into the water and killed a mighty that was sporting beside the vessel this huge monster being with infinite labour hoisted on board furnished a luxurious to all the crew being accounted of excellent excepting about the wound where it a little of and this on my was the first time that ever was eaten in these parts by christian people when this astonishing miracle came to be made known to peter and that he tasted of the unknown fish he as may well be supposed exceedingly and as a monument thereof he gave the name of nose to a stout in the neighbourhood and it has continued to be called s nose ever since that time but hold whither am i wandering by the mass if i attempt to accompany the good peter on this voyage i shall never make an end for never was there a voyage so the learned treating of the country about in a letter which was written some time after the settlement thereof says there is in the river great plenty of which we christians do not make use of but the indians eat them peter in the are of st with marvellous incidents nor a river so with beauties worthy of being recorded even now i have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew were most horribly frightened on going on shore above the by a gang of merry devils and on a huge flat rock which projected into the river and which is called the to this very day but no it becomes thee not to idle thus in thy historic recollect that while dwelling with the fond of age over these fairy scenes to thee by the recollections of thy youth and the charms of a thousand tales which the simple ear of thy childhood recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments which should be devoted to is not time time shaking with hand his almost exhausted hour glass before thee hasten then to pursue thy weary task lest the last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the let us then commit the peter his brave and his loyal crew to the protection of the blessed st who i have na doubt will prosper him in his voyage while we await return at the great city of new warriors the grand army chapter iv describing the powerful army that assembled at the city of new together with the interview between peter the and general von and peter s touching great while thus the peter was with flowing sail up the shores of the and all the little dutch upon its borders a great and of warriors was at the city of new and here that invaluable fragment of antiquity the manuscript is more than commonly particular by which means i am enabled to record the illustrious host that itself in the public square in front of the fort at present the green in the centre then was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the who being the inmates of the metropolis composed the life guards of the governor these were commanded by the who had such immortal fame at bay displayed as a standard a ea et ds of the captains on a field of orange being the arms of the province the industry and the origin of the on their right hand might be seen the of that renowned michael t who it over the fair regions of ancient and the lands away south even into the mountains and was moreover of island his standard was borne by his squire van o of a huge upon a sea green field being the bearings of his favourite metropolis he brought to the camp a stout force of warriors heavily armed being each clad in ten pair of breeches and by broad this was likewise the great seal of the new as may still he seen in ancient records f besides what is related in the ms i have found mention made of this illustrious in another manuscript which says de or the squire michael a dutch subject about th by deed purchased island n b the same michael had what the dutch call a at on the shore opposite new york and his in was named van a person of the same name in owned hook and a large farm at and is a from van x so from the tribe of indians that these parts at present they are the or the and the van with short pipes twisted in their these were the men who in the mud along the shores of being of the race of genuine and were to have sprung from at a httle distance was the tribe of warriors who came from the neighbourhood of hell gate these were commanded by the and the van hard as their names were terrible looking fellows clad in broad skirted of that curious coloured cloth called thunder and lightning and bore as a standard three in a field hard by was the tent of the men of battle from the borders of the and the country these were of a sour aspect by reason that they lived on which abound in these parts they were the first of that honourable order of called fly market and if tradition speak true did likewise introduce the far step in dancing called double trouble they were commanded by the fi and had since into the the bay where the navy yard is situated peter recognised | 48 |
ly band of men who performed a brave on shells but i refrain from pursuing this minute which goes on to describe the warriors of and hawk and and sundry other places well known in history and song for now does the sound of martial music alarm the people of new sounding afar from beyond the walls of the city but this alarm was in a uttle while relieved for lo from the midst of a vast cloud of dust they recognized the coloured breeches and splendid silver leg of peter glaring in the and beheld him approaching at the head of a formidable army which he had along the banks of the and here the excellent but writer of the manuscript breaks oat into a brave and glorious description of the forces as they through the principal gate of the city that stood by the head of first of all came the van who the pleasant borders of the these were short fat men wearing exceeding large trunk breeches and are for of the they were the first of or and milk close in their rear van van and van nests marched the van of most horrible of new and in their after them came the van of mounted upon goodly of the breed these were mighty hunters of and rats whence came the word try then the van nests of robbers of birds nests as their name to these if report may be believed are we indebted for the invention of slap or cakes then the van of s creek these came armed with and rods being a race of who j discovered the marvellous sympathy between the seat of honour and tlie seat of intellect and that the shortest way to get knowledge into the head was to hammer it into the bottom then the van of s nose who carried their liquor in fair round little by reason they could not it out of their having such rare long noses then the of and distinguished by many triumphant such as water patches smoking i out of their holes and the hke and by being great lovers of pig s tails these were the ancestors of the renowned of that name the van of van and van sing sing great and players upon the jews harp these marched two and two singing the great song of st then the of sleepy hollow these gave to a jolly race of who first discovered the magic of a of wine into a pint bottle then the van who lived on the wild banks of the and were great of wild ducks being much spoken of for skill in shooting with the long bow then the van of and who were the first that ever kick with the left foot they were gallant bush and hunters of by moonlight then the van of potent of eggs and noted for running of horses and running up of scores at they were the first that ever winked with both c es at once lastly came the of the of where the folk lay stones upon the houses in windy weather lest they should be blown away these derive their as some say from to shake and a indicating thereby that they were sturdy toss pots of but in truth it was derived from to nod and books plainly meaning that they were great or over books from did descend the writer of this history return of von such was the of sturdy bush poured in at the grand gate of new the manuscript indeed peaks of many more whose names i omit to seeing that it me to hasten to of greater moment nothing could the joy and martial pride of the lion hearted peter as he this mighty host of r and he determined no longer to the of his much wished for revenge the scoundrel at fort but before hasten to record those events which will be found in the of this faithful history let me pause to notice the late of von h the commander in chief of the armies of the new such is the inherent of human nature that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable discomfiture at fort than a thousand were set afloat in new wherein it that he had in reality a treacherous understanding with the commander that he half long been in the practice of privately communicating with the together with s hints about secret service money to all which deadly charges i do not give a more credit than i think they deserve certain it is that the general vol his character by the most vehement oaths and and put every man out of the ranks of honour who dared to doubt his integrity more over on returning to new he up and down the streets with a crew of hard at his heels sturdy bottle companions whom he and and who were ready to him through all the courts of justice heroes of his own fierce broad shouldered looking not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox and pick his teeth with the horns these life guard men quarrelled all his quarrels were ready to fight all his battles and at every man that turned up his nose at the general as though they would liim alive their conversation with oaths like minute guns and every was rounded off by a thundering like a patriotic toast honoured with a e of all these had a considerable effect in convincing certain profound many of whom began to think the a hero of unutterable and of soul particularly as he was continually protesting on the honour of a soldier a high sounding nay one of the members of the council i ent so | 48 |
far as to propose thej peter s advice to him should him hy an statue of plaster of paris but the peter the was not thus to be deceived sending privately for the commander in chief of all the armies and having heard all his story with the customary pious oaths and comrade tried he though by your own account you are the most brave upright and honourable man in the who e province yet do you lie under the misfortune of being and despised now though it is certainly hard to punish a man for his misfortunes and though it is very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to charge yet as heaven at present doubtless for some wise purpose sees fit to withhold all proofs of your innocence far be it from me to its sovereign will besides i cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise or to trust the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust retire therefore my friend from the irksome toils and of public life with this comforting reflection that if guilty you are but enjoying your just reward and if innocent you are not the first great and good man who has most been and in this wicked world doubtless to be better treat i a hint in a better world where there shall be neither error nor persecution in the mean time let me never see your face again for i have a horrible to the countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself i i the author s discourse chapter v in which the author very of himself after which is to be found much interesting history about peter the and his followers as my readers and myself are about entering on as many perils as ever a of ran their heads into it is meet that like those hardy we should join hands bury all differences and swear to stand by one another in or wo to the end of the my readers must doubtless perceive how completely i have altered my tone and we first set out together i warrant they then thought me a cynical impertinent little son of a for i scarcely ever gave them a civil word nor so much as touched my when i had occasion to address but as we along together in the of my history i gradually began to to grow more courteous and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse until at i came to a most social regard foi them tliis is just my way the author s i am always a little cold and reserved at first particularly to people whom neither know nor j care for and am only to be completely won b long intimacy besides why should have been to the crowd of how d ye do acquaintances that around me at my first appearance many were merely attracted by a new face and having stared me full in the title page walked off without saying a word while others lingered through the preface and having gratified their curiosity soon dropped oil one by one but more especially to try their had recourse to an expedient similar to one which we are told was used by that flower of king arthur who before he admitted any knight to his required that he should show himself superior to danger or hardships by unheard of s some dozen giants wicked not to say a word of and fiery on a similar principle i my at the first sally into two or three where they were most and by a host of pagan philosophers and writers though naturally a very grave man yet could i scarce refrain from smiling outright at seeing the utter confusion discourse of himself and dismay of mj some dropped down dead asleep on the field others threw flown my book in the middle of the first chapter took to their heels and never ceased they had fairly run it out of sight when ihey stopped to take breath to tell their friends what troubles they had undergone and to warn others from venturing on so an expedition every page my ranks more and more and of the vast multitude that first set out but a comparatively few made shift to survive in exceedingly battered condition through the five chapters what then would you have had me take such faint hearted to my bosom at our first acquaintance no no i reserved my friendship for those who deserved it for those who bore me company in despite of difficulties dangers and and now as to those who to me at present i take them affectionately by the hand worthy and thrice beloved readers brave well tried comrades who have faithfully my footsteps through all my salute you firom my heart i pledge myself tj stand by you to the last and to conduct you so heaven speed this weapon which i now hold between my fingers triumphantly to the end of this our undertaking van ear s trumpet sounds but hark while we arc thus talking the city of ni w is in a bustle the host of warriors in the green are striking their tents the brazen trumpet of van makes the to with the drums beat the standards of the of hell gate and of michael wave proudly in the air and now behold where the arc busily employed the sails of yon and those built which are to the army of the to gather immortal honours on the the entire population of the city man woman and child turned out to behold the chivalry of new as it the streets previous to many a handkerchief was waved out at the windows many a fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the occasion the j of the | 48 |
fair and of could not have been more on tlie of the gallant tribe of than was that of the kind hearted fair ones of new on the de of their every maiden fondly crammed the j of her hero with and nuts many a copper ri i was exchanged and crooked sixpence broken in pledge of eternal constancy the expedition sails and there remain to this day some love verses written on that occasion sufficiently and incomprehensible to confound the whole universe but it moving sight to see the how they hung about the van for he was a jolly rosy faced bachelor fond of his joke and withal a desperate rogue among the women fain would have kept him to comfort them while the army was away for besides what i have said of it is no more than justice to add that he was a kind hearted soul noted for his attentions in comforting wives during the absence of their husbands and this made him to be very much regarded by the honest of the city but nothing could keep the from following the heels of the old governor whom he loved as he did his very soul so all the young and giving every one of them that had good teeth and rosy lips a dozen hearty be departed loaded with their kind wishes nor was the departure of the gallant peter among the least causes of public distress though the old governor was by no means indulgent to the follies and of his subjects yet some how or other he had become strangely popular among tbe people there is something i popularity op so in personal bravery that with the common mass of mankind it takes the lead of most other merits the simple folk of new looked upon peter as a of his wooden leg that of his martial was regarded with reverence and admiration every old had a of miraculous stories to tell about the exploits of wherewith he his children of a long winter night and on which he dwelt with as much delight and as do our honest country on the hardy adventures of old general or as he is familiarly termed old put during our glorious revolution not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for himself and there was even a story told with great mystery and under the rose of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one dark stormy night as he was sailing in a through hell gate but this i do not record as being an absolute fact perish the man who would let fall a drop to the pure stream of history certain it is not an old woman in new but considered peter as a tower of strength and rested satisfied that the public welfare was secure so long as he was in be city it is surprising that they looked bis upon his departure as a sore affliction with heavy hearts they dragged at the heels of hia troop as they marched down to the river side to the governor from the stern of his gave a short but truly address to his citizens wherein he recommended to like loyal and subjects to go to church regularly on sundays and to mind their business all the week besides that the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their after nobody s concerns but their own all and morning and carrying short tongues and long that the men should from in public concerns the cares of government to the officers appointed to support them staying at home like good citizens making money for themselves and getting children for the benefit of their country that the should look well to the public interest not the poor nor indulging the rich not their security to devise new laws but faithfully those which were already made rather bending their attention to prevent evil than to punish it ever civil should consider themselves more as of public morals than rat employed to public finally final departure of the he them one and all high and low rich and poor to conduct themselves as well as they could them that if they and complied with this golden rule there was no danger but that they all conduct themselves well enough this done he gave them a paternal the sounded a most loving farewell with trumpet the jolly put up a shout of triumph and the invincible swept down the bay the good people of new crowded down to the battery that resort firom whence so many a tender prayer has been so many a fair hand waved so many a look been cast by love sick after the bark bearing her adventurous to distant here the watched with straining eyes the gallant as it slowly floated down the bay and when the intervening land at the shut it from their sight gradually dispersed with silent tongues and downcast countenances a heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city the honest smoked their pipes in profound casting many a wistful look to the weather cock on the church of saint and ail the old women having no longer the presence of peter to it arrives in the them gathered their children home and the doors and windows every evening at sun down in the mean while the of tlie sturdy peter proceeded on its voyage and after about as many storms and water and and other horrors and phenomena as generally adventurous in perilous voyages of the kind and after a severe from that deplorable and malady called sea sickness the whole arrived safely in the without so much as dropping anchor and giving his wearied ships time to breathe after so long in the ocean the peter pursued his course up the | 48 |
and made a sudden appearance before fort having summoned the astonished garrison by a blast from the trumpet of the long van he demanded in a tone of thunder an instant surrender of the fort to this demand the wind dried replied in a shrill voice which by reason of his extreme ess sounded like the wind whistling through a broken that he had no very strong reasons for refusing except that the demand was particularly disagreeable as he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last extremity he requested time there ii peter attacks fort fore to consult with and proposed a for that purpose the peter indignant at having his fort taken from him and thus withheld refused the proposed and swore hy the pipe of st which like the sacred fire was extinguished that unless the fort were in ten minutes he would storm the works make all the garrison run the and split their scoundrel of a commander like a to give this menace the greater effect he drew forth his sword and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion that doubtless if it had not been exceeding rusty it would have lightened terror into the eyes and hearts of the enemy he then ordered his men to bring a to bear upon the fort consisting of two three a long duck piece and two brace of horse pistols in the mean time the sturdy van all his forces and commenced his warlike operations his cheeks like a very he kept up a most of his trumpet the of sing sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle the warriors of and the blew a potent a o u v on their the garrison shells altogether forming as outrageous a as though five thousand french were displaying their skill in a modern whether the formidable front of thus suddenly presented smote the garrison with sore dismay or w the concluding terms of the summons which mentioned that he should surrender at discretion were mistaken by who though a was a very considerate easy tempered man as a compliment to his discretion i will not take upon me to say certain it is he found it impossible to resist so courteous a demand accordingly in the very nick of time just as the cabin boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the a was beat on the by the only drum in the garrison to the no small satisfaction of both parties who notwithstanding their great stomach for fighting had full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black eyes and bloody noses thus did this fortress once more return to the of their high and his garrison of twenty men were allowed to march out with the honours of war and the victorious peter who was as generous as brave permitted them to keep possession of all their arms and the same oh inspection being found totally unfit for service having long in the magazine of the fortress even before it was by the from the but windy von but i must not omit to mention that the governor was so well pleased with the services of his faithful squire van in the of this great fortress that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the of new which goes by the name of s hook unto this very day the liberality of the stay towards the occasioned great surprise in the city of new nay certain of those individuals who had been enlightened by the political meetings that during the days of william the but who had not dared to indulge their habits under the eye of their present ruler now by his absence dared even to give vent to their in tlie street murmurs were heard in the very council chamber of new and there is no knowing whether they would not have broken out into downright speeches and had not peter privately sent home his walking to be laid as a on the table of the council chamber in the midst of his who hke wise men took the hint and for ever after held their peace k chapter vi ng the great advantage that the r his reader in time of battle together with ers movements which t something terrible is about to happen ce as a mighty when at a the first of soup feels his impatient appetite hut ten and his vigorous the while his eyes ting from his head roll round every thing at table so did the peter feel that intolerable martial glory which raged within his very s by the capture of fort thing could it but the conquest of all no sooner therefore had he conquest than he resolutely with success to gather fresh at was the grand post established lis is at present a flourishing town called about seven miles from philadelphia post road to pause before a battle on a small river or as it is termed creek of the same name and here that governor lay grimly drawn up like a gray bearded spider in the his web but before we hurry into the scenes s r tha must attend the meeting of two such potent it is advisable that we pause for a moment and hold a kind of warlike council battles should not be rushed into by the historian and his readers any more than by the general and his soldiers the great of antiquity never engaged the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by them up to heroic feelings assuring them of the protection of the gods and inspiring them with a confidence in the of their leaders so the historian awaken the attention and the passions of his readers and set | 48 |
them all on fire with the importance of his subject he should put himself at their head flourish his pen and lead them on to the of the fight an illustrious example of tliis rule may b seen in that mirror of the immortal arrived at the breaking out of tlie war one of his that he sounds the charge in all the disposition and spirit of he the on both sides he our ex advantage or over readers and fast our attention all mankind are concerned in the important point now going to be decided are made to disclose heaven itself is interest ed in the dispute the earth and na ture seems to labour with the great event this is his solemn sublime manner of setting out thus he a war between two as ra pin them petty states and thus he a little subject by treating it in a great and noble method in like manner having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril having followed the adventurous peter and his band into foreign regions surrounded by foes and stunned by the horrid din of arms at this important moment while darkness and doubt hang o cr each coming chapter i hold it meet to them and prepare them events that are to follow and here i would one great advantage which as the historian i possess over my reader and this it is that though i cannot save the life of my favourite hero nor absolutely contradict the a battle both which liberties though often taken by the french writers of the present reign i hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupulous historian yet i can now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back stroke sufficient to fell a giant though in honest privilege op historian s he may never have done any thing of the kinder i can drive his clear round and field as did make that fine fellow like a round the walls of for which if ever they have encountered one another in the i ll warrant the prince of poets has had to make the most apology i am aware that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out foul play whenever render a little assistance to my hero but i consider it one of those privileges exercised by of all ages and one which has never been disputed in fact an historian is as it were bound in honour to stand by his hero tlie fame of the latter is to his hands and it is his duty to do the best by it he can never was there a general an admiral or any other commander who in giving an account of any battle he had fought did not sorely the enemy and i have no doubt that had my heroes written the history of their own achievements tl ey w ould have dealt much harder blows than any that shall standing forth therefore as the guardian of their fame it me to do them the same justice they would have done themselves and if happen to be a little hard the i give free leave to any of their descendants who may write a history of stand by for broken heads the state of to take fair and peter as hard as tliey please therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses my pen hath long for a battle siege after siege have carried on without blows or but i have at length got a chance and i vow to heaven and st that let the of the times say what they please nor any other historian did ever record a tight than that in which my are now about to engage and you oh most excellent readers whom for your faithful i could cherish in the warmest corner of my heart be not uneasy trust the fate of our favourite to me for by the come what may stick by hard the last him drive about these vile as did the renowned of the lake a herd of knights and if he does fall let me never draw my pen to fight another battle ia behalf of a man if make these pay for it no sooner had peter arrived before fort than he proceeded without to himself and immediately on running his parallel despatched van summons fort to summon the fortress to surrender van was received with all due formality at the and conducted through a smell of salt and to the a substantial hut built of pine logs his eyes were here uncovered and he found in the august presence of governor this as have before noted was a very man and was clad in a coarse blue coat round the waist with a belt which caused the skirts and pockets to set off with a very warlike sweep his ponderous legs were in a pair of coloured jack boots and he was in the attitude of the of before a bit of looking glass himself with a dull this operation caused him to make a series of horrible that heightened exceedingly the terrors of bis on van s being announced the grim paused for a moment in the midst of one of his most hard favoured and after him over the shoulder with a kind of grin on his countenance resumed his labours at the glass this iron harvest being he turned once to the and demanded the purport of his errand van de interview with in a few words being a kind of short speaker a long message from bis the whole history of the pro with a of and of claims and concluding with a demand of instant surrender which done he turned aside took his nose between his thumb and finger and blew a tremendous blast | 48 |
not unlike the of a trumpet of defiance which it had doubtless learned from a long intimate neighbourhood with that melodious instrument governor heard him through trumpet and all but with infinite impatience leaning at times as was his usual custom on the of his sword and at times a huge steel f watch chain or snapping his fingers van having finished he replied that peter and his summons might go to the d whither he hoped to send him and his crew of before supper time then his brass sword and throwing away the fore he but i will not thee again until i make a of the smoke dried hide of this then having flung a fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary by the lips of his messenger the latter was to the with all the amongst the troops due to the squire and am of so great a commander and being again was courteously dismissed with a of the nose to assist him in bis message no sooner did the gallant peter receive insolent reply than he let fly a tremendous of red hot that would have battered down the and blown up the powder magazine about the ears of the had not the been remarkably strong and the magazine proof perceiving that the this terrific blast an that it was utterly impossible as it really was in those days to carry on a war with words he ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault but here al strange murmur broke out among his troops beginning with the tribe of the van men of tlie and from man to man accompanied with certain looks and discontented murmurs for once in his life and only for once did the great peter turn pale for he verily thought his warriors were going to in this hour of perilous trial and thus for ever the fame of the province of new but soon did he discover to his great joy that in this suspicion he deeply wronged this most sinner before the battle army for the cause of this agitation and uneasiness simply was that the hour of dinner was at hand and it would have almost ken the hearts of these regular dutch warriors to have in upon the invariable routine of their habits besides it was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full stomach and to may be doubtless attributed the circumstance that they came to be so renowned in arms and now are the hearty men of the and their no less hearty comrades all en ai m s under the trees stoutly with the contents of their and taking such affectionate embraces of their and as though they verily believed they were to be the i last and as i foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two i advise my readers to do the same for which purpose i will bring this chapter to a close giving them my word of honour that no advantage shall be taken of this to surprise or in any wise the honest while at their vigorous vol ir t i m on c chapter vii containing the horrible battle ever recorded in or prose the admirable exploits of peter the now had the snatched a huge and finding themselves wonderfully encouraged and animated thereby prepared to take the field expectation says the writer of manuscript expectation now stood on the world foi ot to turn round or rather stood still that it might witness the like a fat round watching the combat of two flies upon his the eyes of all mankind as usual in such were turned upon fort the sun like a little man in a crowd at a show about the heavens his head here and there and endeavouring to get a peep bt the clouds that themselves in his way the filled their the poets went without their either that they might buy paper and goose or because they could not get any thing to eat antiquity out of its grave to see itself while even conduct of the v j stood in f ii of re ion on tho immortal at the of ir clouds und over he i or ii iii t d c d iii ri in di i i lo li a in the i sent his o i noted to it i lied for the occasion hy her ch i she d the in of a eyed tho of fort accompanied hy t s a s of cracked reputation the noted bully stuck two pistols into his belt shouldered a rusty and at heir elbow as a drunken while in heir rear as a legged playing most out of tune on tlie other side the ox eyed who had gained a pair of black eyes over night in one of curtain lectures with old displayed her haughty beauties on a baggage a as a gin tucked up her skirts her fists and swore in exceeding bad dutch studied the language by spirits of soldiers while and peter blacksmith lately promoted to be a of all was silent or bustling preparation war reared his horrid front loud his iron and shook his t of and now tlie mighty out hosts mere stood stout firm as a thousand rocks with and to the chin in mud his lined the breast work in grim array each having his fiercely and his hair back and so that he grinned above the like a death s head there came on the peter his brows knit his teeth set his fists clenched almost forth volumes of smoke so fierce was i he that raged within his bosom his faithful van at his with his trumpet with the of his fair at the then came | 48 |
on the sturdy chivalry of the there were the van and the and the ten the van ness the van the van g rolls the van the van and the van the the van the van the y tv v ti c van and of the hosts the van there were the van homes the van hooks the van the van the van and the van the the hoofs the the the pools and the there came the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the v the the the the the the ers the ten and the tough with a host more of whose names are too to be written or if they could be written it would be impossible for man to utter all fortified with a mighty dinner and to use the words of a great dutch poet of wrath and for an instant the mighty peter paused in the midst of his career and mounting on a stump addressed his troops in eloquent low dutch them to fight like and assuring them that if they conquered they should get plenty of if they should se allowed the i c g p t r s address before the dying of reflecting that it was in the service of their country and after they were dead of seeing their names inscribed in the temple of renown and handed down in company with all the other great men of the year for the admiration of posterity finally he swore to them on the word of a governor and they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment that if he caught any mother s son of them looking pale or playing he d his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring time then out his he it three times over his head ordered van to sound a tremendous charge and shouting the word st and dashed forwards his warlike followers who had employed the interval in lighting their pipes instantly stuck them in their mouths gave a furious and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke the garrison ordered by the cunning not to fire until they could distinguish the of their eyes stood in horrid silence on the covert way until the eager had ascended the then did they pour into them such a tremendous that the hills around and were terrified even v an of water that a iv t w w sides which continue to run unto the present day not a but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire had not the protecting kindly taken care that the should one and all observe their usual custom of shutting their eyes and turning away their at the moment of discharge the followed up their fire by leaping the and falling tooth and nail upon the foe with furious and now might be seen of of which neither history nor song have ever recorded a parallel here was beheld the sturdy his quarter like the terrible giant his oak tree for he scorned to carry any other weapon and a time upon the heads of whole of there were the van at a distance like the of and it most with the long bow for which they were so justly renowned at another place were collected on a rising the men of sing sing who assisted in the fight by forth the great song of st but as to the of they were absent from the battle having been out on a party to lay waste the neighbouring water patches in a different part of the field od tb s the combat seen the van of s nose but were perplexed in a between two little hills bj reason of the length of their noses there were the van of and so renowned for kicking with the left foot but their skill availed them little at present being short of wind in consequence of the hearty dinner they had eaten and they would have been put to had they not been by a gallant corps of composed of the who advanced to their assistance on one foot nor must i omit i to mention the achievements of van who for a good quarter of an hour stubborn fight with a little whose hide be most and had he not come into the battle with no other weapon but his trumpet would have put him to an end but now the combat on came the mighty and the fighting men of after them thundered the van of together with the van and the van bearing down all before them then the and the van pressing forward with many a oath at the head of the warriors of hell gate clad in their thunder and lightning and lastly the t fu s sufferings of nature of peter bearing the great of the and now commenced the horrid din the desperate struggle the ferocity the frantic desperation the confusion and self of war and panted and the heavens were darkened with a tempest of bang went the guns struck the broad swords went the went the stocks blows black eyes and bloody noses swelling the horrors of the scene thick cut and hack pi head over heels rough and turn ble and swore the and cried the storm the works shouted peter fire the mine roared stout rising ra the trumpet of van until all voice and sound became unintelligible of pain of fury and shouts of triumph in one hideous the earth shook as if struck with a stroke trees shrunk aghast and withered at the sight rocks in the ground like and even greek turned from its course and ran | 48 |
up a mountain in terror advance f michael long hung the conquest doubtful for though a heavy shower of rain sent by the cloud compelling jove in some measure cooled their as doth a bucket of water thrown on a group of fighting yet did they but pause for a moment to return with fury to the charge each other with black and bloody just at this juncture was seen a vast and dense column of smoke slowly rolling towards the scene of battle which for a while made even the furious to stay their arms in mute astonishment but the wind for a moment the cloud from the midst thereof emerged the banner of the immortal michael this noble came on leading a solid of fed who had remained behind partly as a corps de reserve and partly to tiie enormous dinner they had eaten these nothing did forward smoking their pipes with outrageous vigour so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned but marching exceedingly slow being short of leg and of great in the belt and now the protecting of the army of new having left the field and into a tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer a dire destruction op pipes catastrophe had well nigh chanced to the scarcely had the of the attained the front of battle before the instructed by the cunning a shower of blows full at their tobacco pipes astounded at this unexpected assault and totally at seeing their pipes broken the fell in vast confusion already they begin to fly like a frightened drove of they throw their own army in an uproar bearing down a whole of little the sacred on which is the gigantic of is trampled in the dirt the pluck up new spirits and pressing on their rear apply their feet a a vigour that their motions nor doth the renowned if fail to receive divers grievous and of shoe leather but what oh muse was the rage of the gallant peter when from afar he saw his yield with a voice of thunder did he roar after his warriors the men of the toes plucked up new courage when they heard their leader or rather they dreaded his fierce displeasure of which they stood in more awe than of all the in but tlie daring peter not waiting or aid plunged heroic of sword in hand into the of the foe then did he display some such incredible as have never been known since the miraculous days of the giants wherever he went the enemy shrunk before him with fierce he pushed forward the like dogs into their own ditch but as he the foe thronged in his rear and hung upon his flank with fearful peril one advancing on one side drove his sword full at the hero s heart but the protecting power that watches over the safety of all great and good men turned aside the hostile blade and directed it to a side pocket where an enormous iron tobacco box endowed like the shield of with supernatural powers no doubt in consequence of its being decorated with a portrait of the blessed st thus was the dreadful blow but not without to the great peter a fearful loss of wind like as a furious bear when by turns fiercely round his teeth and upon the foe so did our hero turn upon the treacherous the miserable sought in flight for safety but the active peter seizing him by an that from his head ah roared he here is what shall make the fight dog s meat of i so he whirled his sword and made a blow that would have him but tliat the pitying steel struck short and shaved the for ever from his crown at this very moment a cunning perched on the summit of a neighbouring mound his deadly instrument and would have sent the gallant a wailing ghost to haunt the shore had not the watchful who had just stopped to tie up her saw the great peril of her favourite chief and despatched old with his who in the very nick of time just as the match descended to the pan gave such a lucky blast as blew all the from the touch hole thus the horrid fight when the surveying the battle from the top of a little perceived his faithful troops beaten and kicked by the invincible peter language cannot describe the with which he was seized at the sight lie only stopped for a moment to himself of five thousand and then drawing his down to the field of combat with some such thundering strides as is said by to have taken when he strode down the to his a tlie vol hi dreadful combat with peter nd sooner did these two rival heroes come face to face than they each made a prodigious start such as is made bj your most experienced stage then did they regard each other for a moment with bitter aspect like two furious ram cats on the very point of a then did they throw themselves in one attitude then in another striking their swords on the ground first on the right side then on the left at last at it they went with incredible ferocity words cannot tell the of strength and displayed on this encounter an encounter compared to which the far battles of with of with with of with the or of that renowned knight sir of the mountains with the giant loo were all gentle sports and holiday at length the peter watching his opportunity aimed a fearful blow with the full intention of his adversary to the very but raising his sword it off so narrowly that glancing on side it shaved away a huge that he always | 48 |
carried swung on one side thence pursuing its course it severed off a deep coat pocket stored w lore di tv v a rolling among m e o i sa peter s fall and what broke it fill between the and and made the general battle to wax ten times more furious than ever enraged to see his military stores thus laid waste the stout collecting all his forces aimed a mighty blow full at the hero s crest in vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course the biting steel through the stubborn ram and have cracked his crown but that the was of such hardness that the weapon shivered into pieces shedding a thousand sparks like beams of glory round his stunned with the blow the pe ter ed turned up his eyes and beheld fifty thousand besides and stars dancing about the at length missing his by reason of his wooden leg down he came on his seat of honour with a crash that shook the surrounding hills and would have wrecked his system had he not been received into a cushion softer than velvet which providence or or st or some kindly cow had prepared for his reception the furious in despite of that noble cherished by all v s hastened to i g sort on the hero s fall but just as he was stooping to give the fatal blow the ever peter bestowed him a sturdy over the with his wooden leg that set some dozen of bells ringing triple bob s in his the bewildered staggered with the blow and in the mean time the wary peter a pocket pistol lying hard by which had dropped from the of his faithful squire and van during his furious encounter with the discharged it full at the head of the let not my reader mistake it was not a weapon loaded with powder and a little sturdy stone charged to the with a double of true dutch courage which the knowing van always carried about him by way of his the hideous sung through the air and true to its course as was the mighty fragment of a rock by bully encountered the d of the gigantic with violence this heaven directed blow decided the battle the ponderous of general sunk upon his breast his knees under him a seized upon his giant frame and he tumbled to the earth with such tremendous violence that old i all fort started with lest he should have broken through the roof of his infernal palace his fall was the signal of defeat and y the gave way the dutch pressed forward the former took to their heels the latter hotly pursued some entered with them through the sally port others the and others scrambled over the curtain thus in a little while the fortress of fort which hke another tn y had stood a siege of full ten hours was finally carried by assault without the loss of a single man on either side victory in the likeness of a gigantic ox fly sat perched upon the cocked hat of the gallant and it was universally declared by all the writers whom he hired to write the history of his expedition that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of glory to a of the greatest heroes in ji objections anticipated chapter viii in which the author and the reader while after the battle fall into a very grave dis course after which is recorded the conduct of peter after his victory thanks to st we have safely finished this tremendous battle let us sit down mj worthy reader and cool ourselves for i am in a prodigious sweat and agitation truly this fight ing of battles is hot work and if your great did know what trouble they give their they would not have the conscience to achieve so many horrible but i hear my reader complain that this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter nor a single individual if we except the unhappy who was of his by the blade of all which he is a great outrage on probability and highly injurious to the interest of the this is certainly an objection of no little moment but it arises entirely from the obscurity that the remote periods of time about which i have undertaken to write thus though the author s excuse doubtless from the importance of the object and the of the parties there must have been terrible and of displayed before the walls of yet notwithstanding that i have consulted every history manuscript and tradition touching this memorable though long foi battle i cannot find mention made of a single man killed or wounded in the whole affair this is without doubt owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers who like their descendants were never prone to of their achievements but it is a virtue that places their in a most embarrassing for having promised my readers a hideous battle and having worked them up into a warlike and state of mind to put them off without any and slaughter was as bitter a disappointment as to summon a multitude of good people to attend an execution and then cruelly them by a had the inexorable only allowed me some half a dead men i had been content for have made them such as in the time but whose race is now unfortunately extinct any one of whom if we may believe those writers the poets could drive great armies like sheep before i author s difficulties him and conquer and desolate whole cities by his arm but seeing that i had not a single life at my disposal all that was left me was to make the most i could of my battle by means of and and and such like | 48 |
wounds and here i cannot but compare my in some sort to that of the divine milton who having arrayed w th sublime preparation his immortal hosts against each other is sadly put to it how to manage them and how he shall make the end of his battle answer to the beginning inasmuch as being mere spirits he cannot deal a mortal blow nor even give a j e h wound to any of his for my part the greatest difficulty i found was when i had once put warriors in a passion and let them loose into the midst of the enemy to keep them from doing mischief many a time had i to restrain the sturdy peter from a gigantic to the very or half a dozen little fellows on his sword like so many nd when i had set some hundred of in the air i did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground lest it should have put an end to some unlucky the reader cannot conceive how it is to a writer thus in a manner to have his hands s liberties tied and how many tempting opportunities i had to wink at where i might have as fine a death blow as any recorded in history from my own experience i begin to most of the of many of s stories i verily believe that he had once launched one of his among a crowd of the enemy he cut down many an honest fellow without any authority for so excepting that he presented a fair mark and that often a poor devil was sent to grim s merely because he had a name would give a sounding turn to a period but i such liberties let me but have truth and the law on my side an no man would fight harder than but since the various records i consulted did not warrant it i had too much conscience to kill a single soldier by st but it would have been a pretty piece of business my the critics who i foresee will be ready enough to lay any crime they can discover at my door might have charged me with murder outright nd i should have esteemed myself lucky to escape with no verdict than and now gentle reader that we are sitting down here our pipes permit me to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at this moment passes across my mind how j i a melancholy reflection how fleeting how uncertain are all those after which we are panting and toiling in this world of fair the wealth which the has with so many weary days many sleepless nights a heir may in joy less the noblest monuments which pride has ever reared to a name the hand of lime will shortly tumble into ruins and even gained by of arms may and he t ever by the neglect of mankind how many illustrious heroes says the good who were once the pride and glory of the age hath the silence of buried in eternal oblivion and this it was that induced the when they went to battle solemnly to sacrifice to the that their achievements should be recorded had not his lofty the elegant the of had remained and such too after all the toils and perils he had after all the gallant actions he had achieved such too had nearly been the fate of the peter but that i fortunately stepped in and engraved his name on the of just as the time was brushing it away for ever the more te l v more i astonished importance of the historian at tke important character of the historian he is the sovereign to decide upon the renown or of his fellow men he is the patron of kings and on whom it depends whether they shall live in after ages or be as were their ancestors before them the tyrant may while the object of his tyranny exists but the historian possesses superior might for his power extends even beyond the grave the shades of departed and long forgotten heroes anxiously bend down from above while he writes watching each movement of his pen whether it shall pass by their names with neglect or them on the pages of renown even the drop of ink that hangs trembling on his pen which he may either dash upon the floor in idle that very drop which to him is not worth the twentieth part of a may be of value to some departed worthy may half a score in one moment to immortality who would have given worlds had they possessed them to the glorious let not my readers imagine however that i am indulging in vain glorious or am anxious to forth the importance of my tribe on the contrary i shrink when i reflect on the awful responsibility we assume i shudder to think what his awful and we occasion in the i swear to thee honest reader as i am a man i weep at the very idea why let me ask are bo many illustrious men daily tearing themselves away from the embraces of their the smiles of beauty the of fortune and exposing themselves to the miseries of war why are kings and whole countries in short what all great men of all ages and countries to commit so many and and inflict so many miseries mankind and on themselves but the mere hope that some historian will kindly take them into notice and admit them into a corner of his volume for in short th p mighty object of all their toils their hardships and is nothing but immortal fame and what is immortal fame why half a page of dirty paper alas alas how humiliating the idea that the | 48 |
renown of so great a man as peter should depend upon the pen of so little a man as and now having refreshed ourselves after the and perils of the field it us to return once more to the scene of and inquire what were the results of this renowned conquest the fortress of being the fair metropolis aud iu a manner the key to new what is immortal fame its capture was speedily followed by th entire of the province this was not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous of the peter though a man terrible in battle yet in the hour of victory was he with a spirit generous merciful and he not over his enemies nor did he make defeat more by for like that mirror of virtue the renowned he was more anxious to do great actions than to talk of them after they were done he put ho man to death ordered no houses to be burnt down no to be on the of the and even gave one of his officers a severe with his walking staff for having been detected in the act of a hen he moreover issued a inviting the inhabitants to submit to the authority of their high but declaring with that whoever refused should be lodged at the public expense in a goodly castle provided for the purpose and have an armed to wait on them in the bargain in consequence of beneficent terms about thirty stepped forward and took tlie oath of in reward for which they were graciously permitted to remain on the vol lu op banks of the where their descendants reside at this very day but i am told by divers observant travellers that they have never been able to get over the chap fallen looks of their ancestors and do still from father to son manifest marks of the sound given them by the sturdy the whole country of new having thus yielded to the arms of the triumphant peter was reduced to a colony called south river and placed under the of a lieutenant governor subject to the control of the at new this great was called william or rather man who derived his as did of from the dimensions of his nose which projected from the centre of his countenance like the of a he was the great of die tribe of the one of the most ancient and honourable families of the province the members of which do gratefully the origin of their dignity not as noble families in england would do by having a glowing in their but by one and all wearing a right goodly nose stuck in the very middle of their faces i thus was this perilous enterprise peter s triumphant return terminated with the loss of only two men van home a tall spare man who was knocked overboard by the boom of a in a flaw of wind and fat van who was suddenly carried off by an however were as having bravely fallen in the service of their country true it is peter had one of his limbs terribly being shattered to pieces in the act of the fortress but as it was fortunately his wooden leg the wound was promptly and effectually healed and now remains to this branch of my history but to mention that this hero and his victorious army returned to the where they made a solemn and triumphant entry bearing with them the conquered and the remnant battered crew who had refused v for it appears that the gigantic had only into a at the end of the battle from whence he was speedily restored by a wholesome of the nose these captive heroes were lodged according to the promise of the governor at the public expense in a fair and spacious castle being the prison of state of which the conqueror of bay was i at new ed governor and which has ever since remained in the possession of his descendants it was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness of the people of new at beholding their warriors once more return from this war in the wilderness the old women thronged round van who gave the whole history of the campaign with accuracy saving that he took the credit of fighting the whole battle himself and especially of the stout which he considered himself as clearly entitled to seeing that it was effected by his own stone the throughout the town gave holiday to their little who followed in after the drums with paper caps on their heads and sticks in their breeches thus taking the first b k on in the art of war as to the sturdy thronged at the heels of peter wherever he went waving their greasy hats in the air and shouting hard for ever it was indeed a day of roaring and a huge dinner was prepared at tlie in honour of the where were this castle very much altered and is still in being and stands at the corner of facing slip l a in one glorious the great and the little of new there were the and his the with their at their elbows the officers at the elbows of the and so on to the lowest on of police every having his rag at his side to finish his pipe drink off his heel and laugh at his of immortal in short for a city feast is a city feast all the world over and has been a city feast ever since the creation the dinner went off much the same as do our great and fourth of july loads of fish flesh and fowl were devoured of liquor drank thousands of pipes smoked and many a dull joke honoured with much fat sided laughter i must not omit to mention that to this victory peter was indebted | 48 |
for another of his many titles for so delighted were the honest with his achievements that they honoured him with the name of that is to say peter the great or as it was translated by the people of new de pig an which he maintained even unto the day of bis death j book vii containing the third part of thb f peter the his troubles with the british nation and the decline fall of the dutch chapter i how peter relieved the sovereign pe the of taking care of the na tion with sundry particulars of his conduct in time of peace the history of the reign of peter a melancholy picture of the incessant cares and inseparable from government and may serve as a solemn warning to all who are ambitious of the seat of power though crowned with victory enriched by conquest and returning in triumph to his metropolis his exultation was checked by beholding the sad that had place the short ol ji k ice popular discontent the unfortunately for their own con fort had taken a deep draught of the cup ol power during the reign of william the and though upon the accession of peter they felt with a certain instinctive perception which at well as cattle possess that the of government had passed into stronger hands yet could they not help and and upon the bit in silence it seems by some strange and inscrutable to be the destiny of most countries and more especially of your enlightened always to be governed by the most man in the nation so that you will scarcely find an individual throughout the whole community who cannot point out innumerable errors in administration and convince you in the end that had he been at the head of matters would have gone on a thousand times more strange that government which seems to be so generally understood should invariably be so administered strange that the talent of so bestowed should be denied to the only man in the nation to whose station it is requisite z it was in the present instance not a man all the herd of in but was on topics of state and could have directed public better than peter but so severe was the old governor in bis disposition that he would never one of the multitude of able by whom he was surrounded to intrude his advice and save the country from scarcely therefore had he departed on his expedition against the than the old of william s reign began to thrust their heads above water and to gather together in political meetings to discuss the of the nation at these the busy and their s made a very considerable figure these worthy were no longer the fat well fed tranquil that presided in the peaceful days of van on the contrary being elected by the people they formed in a manner a sturdy between the mob and the they were great for popularity and for the rights of the resembling in ted zeal the wide mouth of ancient rome or those virtuous of modern days emphatically the friends of the people under the of these profound j it is astonishing how suddenly enlightened the multitude became in matters above their and all at once felt themselves inspired like those religious in the glorious times of illumination and without any previous study or experience became instantly capable of directing all the movements of government nor must i neglect to mention a number of wrong headed old who had come over when boys in the crew of the and were held up as by the enlightened mob to suppose that man who had helped to discover a country did not know how it ought to be governed wai preposterous in the extreme it would have been deemed as much a as at the present day to question the political talents and universal of our old heroes of and to doubt that he who had fought for a government however stupid he might naturally be was not competent to fill any station under it but as peter had a singular inclination to govern his province without the assistance of his subjects he felt highly on his return to find the appearance they had assumed during his absence his first measure therefore was to restore perfect order peter s reproof by the dignity of the sovereign people he accordingly watched his opportunity and one evening when the enlightened mob was gathered together listening to a patriotic speech from an inspired the peter all at once appeared among them with a countenance to a mill stone the whole meeting was thrown into consternation the orator seemed to have received a stroke in the very middle of a sublime sentence and stood aghast with open mouth and trembling knees while the words horror tyranny liberty rights taxes death destruction and a of other patriotic phrases came roaring from his throat before he had power to close his lips the shrewd peter took no notice of the throng around him but advancing to the bully and drawing out a huge silver watch which might have served in times of as a town clock and which is still retained by his descendants as a family curiosity requested the orator to mend it and set it going the orator humbly confessed it was utterly out of his power as he was with the nature of its construction nay but said peter try your ingenuity man you see all the springs and wheels and how easily the it and pull it to pieces a patriotic and why should it not be equally easy to as to stop it the orator declared that his trade was wholly different that he was a poor and had never with a watch in his life that there were men skilled in | 48 |
the art whose business it was to attend to those matters but for his part he should only mar the and put the whole in confusion why master of mine cried peter turning suddenly upon him with a countenance that almost the of shoes into a perfect dost thou pretend to with tbe movements of government to and correct and patch and a complicated machine the principles of which are above thy comprehension and its simplest operations too subtle for thy understanding when thou not correct a trifling error in a common piece of the whole mystery of which is open to thy inspection hence with thee to the leather and stone which are of thy head thy shoes and confine to the for which heaven has fitted thee but his voice until it made the ring if ever i catch thee or any of thy tribe again with affairs of government by st but i ll have every mother s of ye d alive and your hides stretched for drum heads that ye may mi noise to some purpose i his terrific threat this threat and the tremendous voice ib which it was uttered caused the whole multitude to with fear the hair of the orator arose on his head like his own swine s and not a knight of the present but his heart died within him and he felt as though he could have verily escaped through the eye of a needle but though this measure produced the desired effect in the community to order yet it tended to injure popularity of the great peter among the enlightened vulgar many accused him of entertaining highly aristocratic sentiments and of leaning too much in favour of the indeed there appeared to be some ground for such an accusation as he always carried himself with a very lofty port and was somewhat particular in his dress dressing himself when not in uniform in simple but rich apparel and was especially noted for having his sound leg which was a very comely one always arrayed in a red and high shoe though a man of great of manners yet there was something about him that rude familiarity while it frank and even social intercourse he likewise observed some appearance of court ceremony and etiquette he received the peter s court etiquette common class of on the stoop before his door according to the custom of our dutch ancestors but when were formally received in his parlour it was expected they would appear in clean linen by no means to be bare footed and always to take their hats off on occasions he appeared with great pomp of for in truth his station required a httle show and dignity and always rode to church in a yellow with flaming red wheels these symptoms of state and ceremony occasioned considerable discontent among the vulgar they had been accustomed to find easy access to their former and in particular had lived on terms of extreme familiarity with william the they therefore were very impatient of these dignified precautions which intrusion but peter had his own way of thinking in these matters and was a of the dignity of office he always maintained that government to be the least popular which is most open to popular access and control and that the very against court ceremony and the reserve of i properly the porch commonly built in front of dutch with benches on each side vol j i g hat government the least men in power would soon despise rulers among whom they found even themselves to be of consequence such at least had been the case with the administration of william the who bent on making himself popular had listened to every man s advice suffered every body to have to his person at all hours and in a word treated every one as his thorough equal by this means every and lie busy body was enabled to measure wits with him and to find out the true dimensions not only of his person but his mind and what great man can stand such it is the mystery that great men that gives them half their greatness we are always inclined to think highly of those who hold themselves aloof from our examination there is likewise a kind of superstitious reverence for office which leads us to the merits and abilities of men in power and to suppose that they must be constituted different from other men and indeed faith is as necessary in politics as in religion it certainly is of the first importance that a country should be governed by wise men but then it is almost equally important that the people should believe them to be wise for this belief alone produce to keep v s n confidence iu v mysteries of government to see as little of them as possible he who gains access to soon finds out by what foolishness the world is governed he that there is in as well as ill every thing else that many a measure which is supposed by the million to be the result of great wisdom and deep is the feet of mere chance or perhaps of experiment that rulers have their and errors as well as other men and after all are not so wonderfully to their fellow creatures as he at first imagined since he finds that even his own opinions have had some weight with them thus awe into confidence confidence and familiarity produces contempt peter on the contrary by conducting himself with dignity and was looked up to with great reverence as he never gave his reasons for any thing he did the public always gave him credit for very profound ones every movement however in unimportant was a matter of speculation and his very red stockings excited some respect as being different from the stockings of | 48 |
danger of their leaving off altogether so like a wise man experienced in the ways of women he held his peace and suffered them ever after to wear their and cut their as high as they pleased reflections chapter ii peter was much hy the moss of the east and the giants of merry land and how a dark and horrid was carried on in the british cabinet against the prosperity of the we are now approaching towards the crisis of our work and if i be not mistaken in my we shall have a world of business to despatch in the chapters it is with some as it is with certain individuals they have a wonderful facility at getting into and i have always remarked that those are most liable to get in who have the least talent at getting out again this is doubtless owing to the excessive of those states for have likewise noticed that this and quality is always most where most confined which accounts for lis so in little states little men and ugly little women especially thus when one reflected that the e oc the though border in the eyes of its inhabitants and its historian was really of no very great consequence in the eyes of the rest of the world that it had but little wealth or other spoils to reward the trouble of it and that it had nothing to expect from running into war save an exceeding good beating on pondering these things i say one would utterly despair of finding in its history either battles or or any other of those which give importance to a nation and entertainment to the reader but on the contrary we find so is this province that it has already drawn upon itself a host of enemies has had as many as would gratify the ambition of the most warlike nation and is in sober sadness a very forlorn distressed and wo little province all which was no doubt kindly ordered by providence to give interest and to this pathetic history but i forbear to enter into a detail of the pitiful and that for a long while after the victory on the continued to insult the dignity and disturb the repose of the suffice it in to say that the hostility of the people of the east which had so been prevented from breaking out as my readers must remember by the sudden of n and the in the council of now again displayed itself in a thousand grievous and bitter upon the borders scarcely a passed but what the dutch on the were alarmed by the sudden appearance of an army from this would advance resolutely through the country like a of the deserts the women and children mounted in carts loaded with pots and as though they meant to boil the honest alive and them hke so many at the tail of these carts would stalk a crew of long sided with on their shoulders and on their backs resolutely bent upon improving the country in despite of its these themselves down would in a short time completely the unfortunate them out of those rich and fertile valleys in which our dutch are so famous for themselves for it is notorious that wherever these shrewd men of the east get a footing the honest do gradually disappear retiring slowly like the indians before the being totally by the talking of their new v neighbours v s roaring all audacious on the of their high were accompanied as has before been hinted by a world of and which would doubtless have the peter to immediate had he not at uie very same time been perplexed by distressing accounts from who commanded the at south the restless who had so been te remain about the already began to show signs of and but what was worse a claim was laid to the whole territory as the property of lord by a who ruled over the colony of or merry land as it was called because that the inhabitants not having the fear of the lord before their eyes were prone to get and make merry with and apple nay so hostile was this bully that he threatened unless his claim were instantly complied with to march at the head of a potent force of the roaring boys of together with a great and mighty train of giants who the banks of the and to lay waste we find very curious and wonderful accounts of these people doubtless tlie ancestors of the danger of and the whole country of south river by this it is manifest that this boasted colony like all great of territory soon became a greater evil to the conqueror than the loss of it was to the conquered and caused greater uneasiness and trouble than all the territory of the new besides thus providence wisely orders that one evil shall balance another the conqueror who the property of his neighbour who wrongs a nation and a country though he may acquire increase of empire and immortal fame yet his own inevitable punishment he takes to himself a cause of endless anxiety he with his late sound domain a loose part a rotten member which is an source of internal treason and m made by master in his interesting history the he are a people strange in proportion behaviour and attire their voice sounding from them as if out of a cave their tobacco pipes were three quarters of a yard long carved at the great end with a bird or other device sufficient to beat out the of a horse and many are beaten out or rather men s smoked out and in by our lesser pipes at home the of one of their measured three quarters of a yard about the rest of his li von r occupation of | 48 |
than ever it did in the fairest period of its prosperity the vast empire of china with population and and wealth of nations has through a succession of drowsy ages were it not for internal revolution and the of its ancient by the i v te i i of nothing but an detail of dull monotonous prosperity and he might have passed into oblivion with a herd of their if they had not been fortunately overwhelmed by a the renowned city of has acquired only from its ten years distress and final paris rises in importance by the plots and which have ended in the exaltation of the illustrious napoleon and even the mighty london itself has through the records of time celebrated for nothing of moment excepting the plague the great fire an s plot cities and seem to creep along in silent obscurity under the pen of the historian until at length they burst forth in some tremendous calamity and snatch as it were immortality from the explosion the above principle being admitted my reader will plainly perceive tliat the city of new and its dependent province are on the high road to greatness dangers and threaten from every side and it is really a matter of astonishment to me how bo small a state has been able in so short a time to itself in so many difficulties ever since the province was first taken by the nose at the fort of good ik h il days of s romantic resolution van has it been gradually increasing in historic importance and never could it have had a more appropriate to conduct it to the of grandeur than peter in the fiery heart of this iron headed old warrior sat all those five kinds of courage described by and had the philosopher mentioned five hundred more to the back of them i verily believe he would have been found master of them all the only misfortune was that he was deficient in the better part of called discretion a cold blooded virtue which could not exist in the tropical of his mighty soul hence it was he was continually into those unheard of that give an air of romance to all his history and hence it was that he now conceived a project worthy of the hero of la himself this was no other than to repair in person to the great council of the bearing the sword in one hand and the olive branch in the other to require immediate for the innumerable of th t treaty which in an evil hour he had formed to put a stop to those repeated on the eastern borders or else to throw his and appeal to arms for satisfaction on declaring this resolution in his council the venerable members astonishment op his council vast astonishment for once in their lives they ventured to setting forth the of exposing his sacred person in the midst of a strange and barbarous people with sundry other all which had about as much influence upon the of the peter as you were to endeavour to turn a rusty with a therefore to his presence his van he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him the following morning on this his enterprise now the was a little stricken in years yet by dint of keeping up a good heart and having never known care or sorrow having never been married he was still a hearty wag and of great capacity in the this last was ascribed to his living a jolly life on those at the hook which peter had granted to him for his gallantry at fort be this as it may there was nothing that more delighted than this command of the great peter for he could have followed the hearted old governor to the world s end with love and loyalty and he moreover still red the and dancing and handling he and other of the east and entertained dainty recollection of numerous kind and he longed exceedingly again to encounter thus then did this mirror of set forth with no other attendant but his upon one of the most perilous ever recorded in the annals of knight for a single warrior to venture openly among a whole nations of foes but above all for a plain downright to think of with the whole council of new england never was there known a more desperate undertaking ever since i have entered upon the of this but hitherto has he kept me in a state of incessant action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constantly oh for a chapter of the tranquil reign of van that i might repose on it as on a feather bed is it not enough peter that i have once already rescued thee from the of these terrible by bringing the whole powers of to thine aid is it not enough that i have followed thee like a guardian spirit into the midst of the horrid battle of fort that i have been put to my to keep thee f and now oflf with my sin peter s pen the shower of blows that fell upon thy rear now narrowly thee from a deadly thrust by a mere tobacco thy with when even thy stubborn ram failed to resist the sword of the stout and now not merely bringing thee off alive but triumphant from the of the gigantic by the desperate means of a paltry stone is not all this enough but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties and in headlong thy and thy historian and now the ruddy faced like a chamber maid draws aside the curtains of the night and out from his bed the jolly red haired startled at being caught so late | 48 |
in the embraces of dame with many a stable oath he his and and lashes and up the hke a post boy half an hour behind his time and now behold that of fame and the peter a raw gallantly arrayed in full and on his that brass sword wliich had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of the behold hard after him his and hare van mounted on a broken mare his stone which had laid low the under his arm and his trumpet displayed in his right hand decorated with a gorgeous banner on which is the great of the see them proudly issuing out of the city gate like an iron clad hero of with his faithful squire at his heels the following them with their eyes and shouting many a parting wish and hearty cheering farewell hard farewell honest pleasant be your way prosperous your return the hero that ever drew a sword and the that ever trod shoe leather legends are silent about the events that our in this their adventurous travel excepting the manuscript which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem written on the occasion by who appears to have been the poet of new this manuscript us that it was a rare spectacle to behold the great peter and this was moreover of the latin school in there are two pieces addressed to in d of upon his marriage with old m u ii ib his loyal the morning sun and rejoicing in the clear countenance of nature as they it through the scenes of which in those days was a sweet and rural valley with many a bright wild flower refreshed by many a pure and here and there by a little dutch cottage sheltered under some sloping hill and almost buried in trees now did they enter upon the of where they encountered many grievous difficulties and perils at one place they were assailed by a troop of country and who mounted on goodly hung upon their rear for several miles them exceedingly with and questions more especially the worthy peter whose silver chased leg excited not a little marvel at another place hard by the renowned town of they were set upon by a great and mighty of church who demanded of them five shillings for travelling on sunday threatened to carry them captive to a neighbouring church whose peered above the trees but these the peter put to with little difficulty called blooming about fear item new york i their perilous progress that they their and off in horrible confusion leaving their cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight but not so easily did he escape from the hands of a man of who with perseverance and repeated fairly him out of his goodly leaving in place thereof a but all these hardships they pursued their journey cheerily along the course of the oft flowing whose gentle waves says the song roll through many a fertile and sunny plain now reflecting the lofty of the bustling city and now the rural beauties of the humble hamlet now echoing with the busy hum of commerce and now t the cheerful song of the peasant at every town would peter who was noted for warlike order the sturdy to sound a courteous salutation though the that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay when they heard of his approach for the fame of his achievements on the had spread throughout the east country and they lest he had come to take vengeance on their manifold how received but the good peter rode through these with a smiling aspect waving his hand with majesty and condescension for he verily believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into their broken windows and the of dried apples and which ornamented the fronts of their houses were so many in honour of his approach as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to compliment renowned heroes by of and gorgeous furniture the women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed so much does ill arms delight the gentle sex the little children too ran him in troops staring with wonder at his his breeches and the silver of his wooden leg nor must i omit to mention the joy which many betrayed at beholding ihe jovial van who had delighted them so much with his trumpet when he bore the great peter s challenge to the the kind hearted alighted from his mare and kissed them all with infinite loving kindness and w s right pleased to see a crew of little crowding around him for his blessing each of whom he patted on the head bade him be a good boy and gave him a penny to peter s the manuscript makes but little farther mention of the governor s adventures upon this expedition excepting that he was received with extravagant courtesy and respect by the great council of the almost talked him to death with complimentary and i will not detain my readers by dwelling on his with the grand council suffice it to mention it was like all other a great deal was said and very little done one conversation led to another one conference which it took a dozen to explain at the end of which the parties found themselves just where they were at first excepting that they had entangled themselves in a host of questions of etiquette and conceived a cordial distrust of each other that rendered their future ten times more difficult than ever in the midst of all these which bewildered the brain and the ire of the sturdy peter who was perhaps of all men iu the world least fitted for he privately received the first intimation of the for certain of the particulars of this ancient see col state it is | 48 |
was that this body was composed of the most men in the community as they considered themselves placed there to talk every man concluded that his duty to his and what is more his popularity with them required that he should on every subject whether he understood it or not there was an ancient mode of burying a by every soldier throwing his shield fall il l op corpse until a mighty mound was formed so a question was brought forward in this assembly every member pressing forward to throw on his of wisdom the subject was quickly buried under a huge mass of words we are told that when were admitted into the school of they were for years silence and were neither permitted to ask questions nor make remarks after they had thus acquired the art pf holding their tongues they were gradually permitted to make inquiries and finally to communicate their own opinions what a pity is it that while up the rubbish and rags of antiquity we should suffer these precious gems to lie unnoticed what a effect would this wise of have if introduced in bodies and how wonderfully would it have tended to business in the grand council of the thus however did dame wisdom whom the of antiquity have as a woman seem to take mischievous pleasure in the venerable of new the old of long pipes and short pipes which had been almost by the grasp of peter now sprung up v v l n t that the revival of original cause of difference still existed but it has ever been the fate of party names and party to remain long after the principles that gave rise to them have been forgotten to complete the public confusion and the fatal word economy one would have thought was dead and buried with william the was once more set afloat like the apple of discord in the grand council of according to which sound principle of it was deemed more expedient to throw away twenty thousand upon an plan of defence than thirty thousand on a good and substantial one the province thus making a saving of ten thousand but when they came to discuss the mode of defence then began a war of words that all description the members being as i observed in opposite parties were enabled to proceed with amazing system and regularity in the discussion of the questions before them whatever was proposed by a long pipe was opposed by the whole tribe of short pipes who like true considered it their first duty to effect the of the long pipes their second to themselves and their third to consult the welfare of the this at least was the creed of the most upright among the party for as to the g ce t plains of defence left the third consideration out of the altogether in this great collision of hard heads it is astonishing the number of projects for defence that were struck out not one of which had ever been heard of before nor has been heard of since unless it be in very modern days projects that threw the system of the ingenious completely in the back ground still however nothing could be decided on for so soon as a formidable host of air castles were reared by one party they were by the other the simple stood gazing in anxious expectation of the mighty egg that was to be with all tliis but they gazed in vain for it appeared that the grand council was determined to protect the province as did the noble and gigantic his army by covering it with hid tongue indeed there was a portion of the member of fat self important old who smoked their pipes and said nothing excepting to negative every plan of defence that was offered these were of that class of wealthy old citizens who having a fortune button up their pockets shut their mouths look rich and are good for nothing all the rest of their lives like some i hav x ta t hell settle down in the mud and parts with its life sooner than its treasure every plan of defence seemed to these worthy old gentlemen with ruin an armed force was a of upon the public property to fit out a naval was to throw their money into the sea to build was to bury it in the dirt in short they settled it as a sovereign so long as their pockets were full no matter how much they were a kick left no a broken head cured itself but an empty purse was of all the to heal and one in which nature did nothing for the patient thus did this venerable assembly of lavish away that time which the of affairs rendered invaluable in empty and long speeches without ever agreeing except on the point with which they started namely that there was no time to be lost and delay was at length st taking compassion on their distracted situation and anxious to preserve them from ordered that in the midst of one of their most noisy on the subject of and defence when they had nearly fallen to in consequence of not being able to convince each other the question was happily set tied by a messenger who into s arrival or the t chamber and informed them that the hostile fleet had arrived and was actually advancing up the bay thus was all farther necessity of either or completely and thus was the grand council saved a of words and the province a world of expense a most absolute and glorious triumph of economy general alarm i chapter vi in which the troubles of j ap to showing the in time of of a people who defend themselves by resolutions like as an | 48 |
assemblage of cats engaged in and one another with hideous in each other s faces and on the point of breaking forth into a general are suddenly put to and sion by the startling appearance of a house dog so was the no less council of new amazed astounded and totally dispersed by the sudden arrival of the enemy every member made the best of his way home along as fast as his short legs could under their heavy and as he went with and terror when he arrived at his castle he the street door and buried himself in the cellar without daring to pe p out lest be should have his head carried off by a cannon ball the sovereign people all crowds v to b fearful uncertainty market place together with the instinct of sheep who seek for safety in each s company when the shepherd and his dog are and the wolf is round the fold far from finding relief however they only increased each o terrors each man looked in his neighbours face in search of encouragement but only found in its wo a confirmation of his own dismay not a word now was to be heard of conquering great britain not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy while the old women heightened the general gloom by their fate and incessantly calling for protection on saint and peter oh how did they the absence of the lion hearted peter and how did they long for the comforting presence of van indeed a gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate of these adventurous heroes day after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the governor without bringing any farther tidings of his safety many a fearful conjecture was as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire had they not been devoured alive by the of and were they not put to the question by the great oi v l w not peter suddenly appears smothered in by the terrible men of in the midst of this consternation and perplexity when horror like a mighty nightmare sat brooding upon the little fat city of new the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by a strange and distant sound it approached it grew louder and louder and now it at the city gate the public could not be mistaken in the well known sound a shout of joy burst from their lips as the gallant peter covered with dust and followed by his faithful came galloping into the market place the first of the having subsided they gathered round the honest as he dismounted from his horse overwhelming him witli greetings and congratulations in breathless accents he related to them the marvellous adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone in making their escape from the of the terrible but though the manuscript with its customary where any thing touching the great peter is concerned is very particular as to the incidents of this retreat yet tlie particular state of the public affairs will not allow me to indulge in a full recital thereof let it suffice to say while peter was his c ing in his mind how he could make good his escape with honour and dignity certain of the ships sent out for the conquest of the touched at the eastern ports to obtain needful supplies and to call on the grand council of the league for its promised co operation upon hearing of this the peter perceiving that a moment s were fatal made a secret and though much did it grieve his lofty soul to be to turn his back even upon a nation of foes many and divers perilous did thej sustain as they without sound of trumpet through the fair regions of the east already was the country in an uproar with hostile preparation and they were obliged to take a circuit in their flight lurking along through the mountains of the devil s back bone from whence the peter forth one day like a lion and put to whole of consisting of three generations of a family who were already on their way to take possession of some corner of the new nay the faithful had great difficulty at sundry times to prevent him in the excess of his wrath from descending down from the mountains and falling sword in hand upon certain of the border his first movements a towns who were forth their the first movements of the governor on reaching his was to mount the roof from whence he contemplated with aspect the hostile this had already come to anchor in the bay and consisted of two stout having on board as john us three hundred red coats having taken this survey he sat himself down and wrote an to the commander demanding the reason of his in the harbour without obtaining previous permission so to do this letter was in the most dignified and courteous terms though i have it from authority that his teeth were and he had a bitter grin upon his all the while he wrote having despatched his letter the grim peter stamped to and fro about the town with a most war countenance his hands thrust into his breeches pockets and whistling a low dutch tune which bore no small resemblance to the music of a north east wind when a storm is the very dogs as they eyed him away in dismay while all the old and ugly women of new ran howling at his heels imploring him to save them from murder robbery and pitiless ra vol ii terms by the the reply of col who commanded the was in terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the declaring the right and title of his british majesty to the province where he affirmed the | 48 |
dutch to he mere and demanding that the town should be forthwith rendered into his majesty s obedience and protection promising at the same time life liberty estate and free trade to every dutch who should readily submit to his majesty s government peter read over this friendly with some such harmony of aspect as we may a farmer who has long been upon his neighbour s soil reads the loving letter of john that him of an tion of the old governor however was not to be taken by surprise but thrusting the summons into his breeches pocket he stalked three times across the room took a pinch of snuff with great vehemence and then waving his hand promised to send an answer the next morning in the mean time he called a general council of war of his and not for the purpose of asking their advice for that as has been already he valued not a rush but to make known peter a council of war i unto them his sovereign determination and require their prompt before however he his council he resolved upon three important points never to give up the city without a little hard fighting for he deemed it highly to the dignity of so renowned a city to suffer itself to he captured and stripped without receiving a few into the secondly that the majority of his grand council was composed of utterly destitute of true bottom and that he would not therefore suffer th m to see the summons of col lest the easy terms it held out might induce them to for a surrender his orders being duly it was a piteous sight to behold the late who had the whole british empire in their peeping out of their hiding places and then crawling cautiously forth through narrow lanes and starting at every little dog that as though it had been a discharge of lamp posts for british and in the excess of their panic into formidable soldiers at their having however in numerous perils and of the kind arrived safe without the loss of a b the council m ti ji man at the hall of assembly they took their r and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the governor in a few moments the wooden leg of tlie peter was heard in regular and stout hearted upon the stair case entered the chamber arrayed in full suit of and carrying his not on his but tucked under his arm as the governor never equipped himself in this manner unless something of martial nature were working within his fearless his council regarded him as if they saw fire and sword in bis iron countenance and forgot to light their pipes in breath ir ss suspense the great peter was as eloquent as he was indeed these two rare qualities seemed to go hand in hand in his composition and most great whose only confined to the field of argument ho was always ready to enforce his hardy words by no less hardy deeds his speeches were generally marked by a simplicity approaching to and by truly decision addressing the grand council he touched briefly upon the perils and hardships had sustained in escaping from s foes lie te xxi j in in id e w v v f noble address which should have been devoted to their country he was particularly indignant at those who conscious of l security had disgraced the of the province by impotent to rings and against a noble and powerful enemy those cowardly who were incessant in their and at the lion while distant or asleep but the moment he approached were the first to away he now called on those who had been so in their threats against great britain to stand forth and support their by actions for it was deeds not words that the spirit of a nation he proceeded to recall the golden days of former prosperity which were only to be gained by their enemies for the peace he observed hich is effected by force of arms is always more sure and than that is patched up by temporary tions he endeavoured moreover to arouse their martial fire by reminding them of the time when before the frowning walls of fort he had led them on to victory he strove likewise to awaken their confidence by assuring them of the protection of st who had hitherto maintained them in safety amid all the savages of the wilderness the and of the east and the giants of th s land finally he informed them of the insolent summons he had received to surrender but concluded by swearing to defend the as long as heaven was on his side and he had a wooden leg to stand upon which noble sentence he by a tremendous with the broad side of his sword upon the table that totally his the who had long been accustomed to the governor s way and in fact bad been brought into as perfect discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great saw that there was no use in saying a word so lighted their pipes and smoked away in silence like fat and discreet but the being less under the governor s control considering themselves as representatives of the sovereign people and being moreover with considerable importance and self which they had acquired at those notable schools of wisdom and morality the popular meetings were not so easily satisfied up fresh spirit when they found there was some chance of escaping from their present without the disagreeable alternative of fighting they requested a copy of the summons to surrender that they might show it to a general meeting of the people so m o aud a would call a public have been enough to have roused the e of the tranquil van himself | 48 |
what then must have been its effect upon the great who was not only a a governor and a wooden legged soldier to boot but withal a man of the most and disposition he burst forth into a blaze of noble indignation swore not a mother s son of them should see a syllable of it that they deserved every one of them to be hanged and for daring to question the of government that as to their advice or he did not care a of tobacco for either that he had long been harassed and by their cowardly counsels but that they might go home and go to bed like old women for he was determined to defend the colony himself without the assistance of them or their so saying he tucked his sword under his arm cocked his hat upon his head and up his indignantly out of the council chamber every body making room for him as he passed no sooner had he gone than the busy called a meeting in front of the house where they appointed as one a mighty baker in the land and formerly of the t v the baker s speech william the he was looked up to with great reverence by the who considered him a man of dark knowledge seeing he was the first that new cakes with the mysterious of the cock and breeches and such like devices this great who still the ud of ill will against the in consequence of having been kicked out of his cabinet at the time of his taking the reins of government addressed the greasy multitude in what is called a patriotic speech in which he informed them of the courteous summons to surrender of the governor s refusal to of his denying the public a sight of the summons which he had no doubt contained conditions highly to the honour and advantage of the province he then proceeded to speak of his in high sounding terms suitable to the dignity and grandeur of his station comparing him to and those other great men of who are generally quoted by popular on occasions assuring the people that the history of the world did not contain a outrage to equal the present for cruelty tyranny and blood that it would be recorded in letters of fire on the b ood s i q that a how peter treated the memorial would roll back with sudden horror when they came to view it that the of time by the way your and writers take strange liberties with the of time though some would fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman that the of time as it was with horrors would never produce a parallel with a variety of other heart soul stirring and figures which i cannot neither indeed need i for they were exactly the same that are used in all popular and patriotic at the present day and may be in under the general title of the speech of this inspired being finished the meeting fell into a kind of popular which produced not only a string of right wise resolutions but likewise a most resolute memorial addressed to the governor at his conduct which was no sooner handed to him than he handed it the fire and thus deprived posterity of an invaluable document that might have served as a precedent to the enlightened and of the present day in their sage with politics peter s and resolution chapter vii containing a disaster of tht and how peter a second suddenly dissolved a parliament now did the high minded do shower down a load of upon his for a set of self willed obstinate who would neither be convinced nor persuaded and determined to have nothing more to do with them but to consult merely the opinion of his which he knew from experience to be the best in the world inasmuch as it never differed from his own nor did he omit now that his hand was in to bestow some thousand left handed compliments upon the sovereign people whom he at for a herd of who had no relish for the glorious hardships and illustrious of battle but would rather stay at home and eat and sleep in ease than gain immortality and a broken head by fighting in a ditch y e n defending his of van beloved city in despite even of itself he called unto him his van who was his right hand man in all times of him did he to take his war trumpet and mounting his horse to beat up the country night and day sounding the alarm along pastoral borders of the startling the wild of the rugged of and the mighty men of battle of bay and the brave boys of town and sleepy hollow together with all the other warriors of the country round about charging them one and all to their powder horns shoulder their pieces and march merrily down to the now there was nothing in all the world the divine sex that van loved better than errands of this kind so just stopping to take a dinner and to his side his bottle charged with he issued from the city gate that looked out upon what is at present called sounding as usual a farewell strain that rung in echoes through the winding streets of new a corruption of top so called from a tribe of in which boasted fighting as his fate alas never more were they to be by the melody of their favourite it was a dark and stormy night when the good arrived at the famous creek river which the island of from the main land the wind was high the elements were in an uproar | 48 |
and no could be found to the adventurous of brass across the water for a short time he like an impatient ghost upon the brink and then himself of the of his errand took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle swore most that he would swim across en den in spite of the devil and plunged into the stream scarce had he half way over when he was observed to struggle violently as if with the spirit of the waters instinctively he put his trumpet to his mouth and giving a vehement blast sunk for ever to the bottom the potent of his trumpet like the ivory horn of the renowned in the glorious fields of rung far and wide through the country alarming the neighbours round who hurried in amazement to the spot here an old dutch for his and who had been a o l i affair with the fearful addition to hich i slow of giving belief that he saw the in the shape of a huge moss seize the sturdy by the leg and drag him beneath the waves certain it is the place with the adjoining which projects into the has been called den or devil ever since the restless ghost of the unfortunate still haunts the surrounding and his trumpet has often been heard by the neighbours of a stormy night mingling with the howling of the blast nobody ever attempts to swim over the creek after dark on the contrary a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy accidents in future and as to moss they are held in such that no true will admit them to his table who loves good fish and hates the devil such was the end of van a man deserving of a better fate he lived and soundly like a true and jolly bachelor until the day of his death but though he was never married yet did he leave behind some two or three dozen children in different parts of the country fine little from if legends speak true and they are not apt to lie di descend the innumerable race vol ii i grief or t e people and defend this country and who arc by the people for keeping up a constant alarm and making them miserable would that they inherited the worth as they do the wind of their renowned the tidings of this lai cat imparted a pang to the bosom of peter than did even the invasion of his beloved am it came home to tho e sweet a that grow close around the and are nourished by its warmest current as some pilgrim while the tempest his locks and dreary night is gathering around sees stretched cold and lifeless his faithful dog the sole companion of his who had shared his solitary meal in l so licked his hand in humble so did the generous hearted hero of the content late the end of his faithful v he had been the humble of his footsteps he had cheered him in many a heavy hour by his honest aud had followed him in loyalty and many a scene of peril and mis he was gone for ever and that too at a when every cur seemed from his side this peter this was the moment to try thy fortitude and this was xv o t v w indeed fort lie l a u at s u end tlie glare of day had long the horrors of the stormy night still all was dull and gloomy late jovial ind liis face behind in clouds peeping out now and then for an instant as if anxious yet fearful to see what was going on in his favourite city this was the when great peter was to give his reply to the summons of the already was he with his council sitting in grim state over the fate of his favourite and anon boiling with indignation as the of his upon l is mind while in this state of irritation a arrived in all haste from the subtle of him in the most affectionate and disinterested manner to surrender the province and the danger d to which a refusal would subject him g what a moment was this to intrude advice upon a man who never took advice iu his whole hfe i the fiery old governor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the of his to with awe at his unlucky fate that thus made him the constant butt of subjects and just at this ill chosen juncture the who were now completely ii peter a the watch and had heard of the arrival of mysterious came marching in a resolute body into the room with a of and at their heels and abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter thus to be broken in upon by what he esteemed a rascal and that too at the very moment he was grinding under an irritation from abroad was too much for the of the peter he tore the letter in a thousand pieces threw it in the face of the nearest broke his pipe over the head of the next hurled his box at an unlucky who was just making a retreat out at the door and finally the whole meeting die by kicking them down stairs with his wooden leg as soon as the could recover from the confusion into which their sudden exit had thrown them and had taken a little time to breathe they protested against the conduct of the governor which they did not hesitate to pronounce highly and somewhat they then called a public meeting where they read the protest and addressing the assembly in a set speech related at full length | 48 |
the most vehement indignation the took to their heels eve i the were not slow in the premises fearing lest the sturdy peter is ue from his den and greet them with some unwelcome of his displeasure within three hours after the surrender a of british beef fed warriors poured into new taking possession of the fort and and now might be heard from all quarters the sound of made by the old dutch hers who were busily employed in up their doors and windows to protect their from these fierce whom i entrance of contemplated in silent from the f windows as thej through the streets thus did col richard the commander of the british forces enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm as for tl e duke of york the victory was attended witli no other outrage than that of changing the name of the province and its metropolis which were new york and so have continued to be called unto the present day the inhabitants according to treaty were allowed to maintain quiet possession of their property but so did they retain their n of the british nation that in a private ting of the leading citizens it was determined never to ask any of their to op peter chapter ix containing the dignified retirement and mortal surrender of peter the thus then have i concluded this great historical but before i lay aside my weary pen there yet remains to be performed one pious duty if among the variety of readers that may this book there should be found any of those souls of true nobility which glow with celestial fire at the history of the generous and the brave they will doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant peter to gratify one such sterling heart of gold i would go more than to instruct the cold blooded curiosity of a whole of philosophers no sooner had that high signed the articles of than determined not to witness the humiliation of his favourite he turned his back on its walls and made a growling retreat to his or country seat which was situated about two his conduct m les off where he passed the remainder of his days in retirement there he that of mind which he had never known amid the cares of government and tasted the sweets of absolute and authority which his subjects had so dashed with the bitterness of opposition no could ever induce him to the city on the he would always have his great arm chair placed with its back to the windows which looked in that direction until a thick grove of trees planted by his own hand grew up nd formed a screen that effectually excluded it from the prospect he continually at the and improvements introduced by the forbade a word of their detested language to be spoken in his family a readily obey ed since none of the household could speak any thing but dutch and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of his house because it consisted of english cherry trees the same incessant vigilance that blazed forth when he had a vast province under his care now showed itself with equal vigour though in limits he with around the boundaries of his little territory every in his retreat with punished every upon his orchard or his farm yard with severity and conducted every stray or cow in triumph to the pound but to the neighbour the stranger or the weary wanderer his spacious doors were ever open and his fire place that emblem of his own warm and generous heart had always a corner to receive and cherish them there was an exception to this i must confess in case the ill was an englishman or a yankee to whom though he might extend the hand of assistance he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality nay if some straggling merchant of the east should stop at his door with his cart load of tin ware or wooden the fiery peter would issue forth like a giant from his castle and make such a furious among his pots and that th of notions was fain to himself to instant flight his handsome suit of worn by the brush were carefully hung up in the state bed chamber and regularly in the first fair day f every month and his cocked hat and sword were suspended in grim repose over the parlour mantle piece to a full length portrait of the re his admiral von in his domestic empire he maintained strict discipline and a well organized government but though his own will was the supreme law yet the good of his subjects was his constant object he watched over not merely their immediate comforts but their morals and their ultimate welfare for he gave them abundance of excellent nor could any of them complain that when occasion required he was by any means in wholesome the good old dutch those of an overflowing heart and a thankful spirit which are falling into sad among my fellow citizens were faithfully observed in the mansion of governor new year was truly a day of open handed liberality of and warm hearted the bosom seemed to swell with genial good fellowship and the table was attended with an freedom and honest broad merriment unknown in these days of and refinement and were ed his nor was the day of st suffered to pass by without making presents ha the in the with all its other and once ft year on the first day of april he used to array himself in full being the of his entry into new after the conquest of new this was always a kind of among the when they considered themselves at liberty in some measure to say and do | 48 |
is still up in the store room as a vol ii i reflections chapter x the author s reflections upon what has been said a the numerous events which are each in their turn the most and melancholy of all possible in your interesting and history there is none that occasions such deep and heart grief as the decline and fall of your renowned and mighty where is the reader who can contemplate without emotion the disastrous events by which the great of the world have been extinguished while wandering io imagination among the gigantic ruins of states and and marking the tremendous that wrought their overthrow the bosom of the melancholy with sympathy to the surrounding desolation and powers have each had their rise their progress and their each in its turn has swayed a potent each has returned to its and thus did it fare with the empire of their high at the under the peaceful reign of walter the the re v of m the and the x w w drawn its history is fruitful of instruction and worthy of being over attentively for it is by thus among the ashes of departed greatness that the sparks of true knowledge are found and the lamp of wisdom let then the reign of walter the warn against yielding to that sleek contented security that fondness for comfort and repose that are produced by a state of prosperity and peace these tend to a nation to destroy its pride of character to render it patient of insult deaf to the calls of honour and of justice and cause it to cling to peace like the to his pillow at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration such the very evil from wliich it one right yielded up produces the of a second one suffered makes way for another and the nation that thus through a love of peace has sacrificed honour and interest will at length have to for existence let the disastrous reign of william tlie serve as a warning against that feverish mode of that acts without system depends on and projects and to lucky that and and at length with the of ignorance and vl for popularity by i o it from history the rather than i the respect that seeks in a of and itself by a variety of contradictory schemes opinions that mistakes for deliberate for decision l i ve for wholesome economy business and for that is i i council sanguine in expectation in action and feeble in i lion that without f j ht enters upon them without preparation them energy and ends l in and defeat let the reign of the good show the c of vigour and decision even when destitute of cool judgment and surrounded by let it show how frankness and high courage will command respect and secure honour even where success is but at the same time let it caution against a too ready reliance on tlie good faith of others and a too honest confidence in the loving professions of powerful s who are most friendly when they most mean to betray let it teach a judicious attention to the o and wishes of the many who in times of peril must be soothed and led or apprehension i to authority let the t l how to manage the many their their violent resolutions their against an enemy and their on his approach teach us to distrust and despise those pa whose courage dwells but in the tongue let them serve as a lesson to repress that insolence of speech destitute of real force which too often breaks forth in popular bodies and the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation let them caution us against too much of our own power and and a noble enemy true gallantry of soul would always lead us to treat a foe with courtesy and proud a contrary conduct but takes from the of victory and renders defeat doubly disgraceful but i cease to dwell on the stores of excellent examples to be drawn from the ancient of the he who reads attentively will discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history and are invisible to the dull eye of ignorance but before i conclude let me point out a solemn warning furnished in the subtle chain of events by which the capture of fort has produced the present of our globe attend then gentle reader to this plain which if thou art a king an or other powerful i advise thee to treasure up in thy o i i w g effects of the capture of fort have i that my work will full into such hands for well i know the care of ministers to keep all grave and books of tlie kind out of the way of unhappy lest they should read them and learn wisdom by the treacherous of fort then did the enjoy a transient triumph but drew upon their heads the vengeance of peter who all new from their hands by the conquest of new peter aroused the claims of lord who appealed to the cabinet of great britain who subdued the whole province of new by this great the whole extent of north america from to the was rendered one entire upon the british crown but mark the consequence the hitherto scattered colonies being thus and having no rival colonies to check or keep them in awe great and powerful and finally becoming too strong for the mother country were enabled to shake off its bonds and by a glorious revolution became an independent empire but the chain of effects stopped not here the successful revolution in america produced the in france o e y v ee cause of the french revolution has thrown the whole world | 48 |
two or three pi information which we bestow public chiefly because it suits our own p and convenience that they should be and partly because we do not wish tha should be any ill will between us at th of our acquaintance our intention is simply to instruct the reform the old correct the town and ca the age this is an task and th we undertake it with confidence we for this purpose to present a striking of the town and as every body is m of esq see his o n on canvas stupid or ugly it may be we have no doubt but the whole town will flock to our exhibit tion our necessarily include a variety of figures and should any gentleman or lady be displeased with the truth of their they may ease their by laughing at those of their neighbours this being what we understand by poetical justice like all true and able we consider ourselves and therefore with the customary of our brethren of the we shall take the liberty of interfering all matters either of a public or private nature we are critics and and as we know i by the of our that every opinion which we may advance in either of those characters be correct we are determined though it j be questioned contradicted or even yet it shall never be to conclude we invite all of news papers and literary journals to praise us heartily in advance as we assure them that we whim and opinions intend to deserve their praises to our door neighbour town we hold out a of declaring to him that after our paper will stand the best chance for we an exchange of shall furnish us with notices of poem and we in return will with original speculations on all subjects together with the my grandfather s mahogany chest of draw the life and of mine uncle anecdotes of the family and li ed from that unheard of writ from the elbow chair of esq we were a considerable time in whether we should be at the pains of i the title of a newspaper published in new york the c of which among other miscellaneous topics occasional on the performances at the theatre ed of esq ourselves to the public as we care for nobody and as we are not yet at the bar ive do not feel bound to hold up our hands ind answer to our names willing however to gain at once that frank confidential footing which we are certain of possessing in this doubtless best f all possible cities and anxious to spare worthy inhabitants the trouble making wise conjectures not one of which ould be worth a tobacco we have it in some degree a necessary of charitable condescension to furnish with a slight clue to the truth before we proceed further however we advise every body man woman and child that can read or get any friend to read for them to purchase this paper not that e write for money for in common with all philosophers from solomon downwards we hold it in supreme contempt we beg the public particularly to understand that we no patronage we are determined on the contrary that the patronage shall be entirely on our side the public are whim and opinions come to buy this work or just as the choose if it be purchased freely so mud the better for the public and the we gain not a if it be not purchased we give fair we shall bum all ou essays and in one pro blaze and like the books of th and the library they be lost for ever to posterity for the sake therefore of our for the sake o the public and for the sake of the public children to the nineteenth generation we ad them to purchase our paper if they do let them settle the affair with their own and posterity we beg the old of this city not to be alarmed a the appearance we make we are none o those who swarm in h york who live by their wits or rather by little wit of their neighbours and who the genuine american tastes of daughters with french and sentiment we have said we do not write for money neither do we write for fame we of l esq too well the nature of public opinion to build our upon it we care not what ihe public of us and we suspect e the number they will not know what to think of us in two we write for no other earthly purpose but to please and this we shall be sure of doing for we are all three of us determined before hand to be pleased with what we write if in the of this work we and instruct aad amuse the public so much the better for die public but we frankly acknowledge s on as we tired of reading our own works we shall them without the whatever the public may think it while we continue to go on we will go oa merrily if we it will be but and on all occasions we shall be more to make our readers laugh than cry for we ar laughing philosophers and clearly of opinion that wisdom true wisdom is a plump dame who sits in her arm chair laughs right merrily at the farce of life and the world as it goes we intend particularly to notice the con whim and opinions of the fashionable world nor in shall we be governed by that s with which narrow minded c at the little of the but with that liberal which every man of fashion while we keep r than a watch over | 48 |
the golden i of female delicacy and decorum we not any little of or innocent vivacity of before we advance one line further we i let it be understood as our firm opinion of all prejudice or partiality that the new york are the fairest the finest the i accomplished the most the i beings that walk creep crawl si fly float or in any or all of the elements and that they only want to be ci of certain and by our cares to der them absolutely perfect they will th fore receive a large portion of those at tions directed to the fashionable world will the gentlemen who away their in the circles of the ton escape our ci of esq ing we mean those fellows who sit stock still upon their chairs without saying a and then complain how damned stupid it was at mrs s party this department will be under the peculiar direction and control of to whom all communications on this are to be addressed this gentleman from his long experience in the routine of balls and is eminently qualified for the task he has undertaken he is a of in the fashionable world and seen generation after generation pass away into the silent tomb of matrimony while he remains the same he can re c the and of the fathers and and even of all the of the present day j their extend so far back being lost in obscurity as however treating of is rather an ungrateful task in this city and as we mean to be perfectly good natured he has promised to be cautious in this particular he perfectly the time when young ladies used to go a h whim and opinions riding at night without their or grand in short without map at all and can relate a thousand pleasant stories about kissing bridge likewise remembers the time when ladies paid tea visits at three in the afternoon ed before dark to see that the house was shut up and the servants on duty he has often played in the orchard in the rear of and remembers when the was quite out of town he has and gradually to modern fashions and still in the beau a little prejudiced in favour of the dress manners of the old school and his chief bom of a new is that it is same good old fashion we had before the war us much trouble to him that is superior to a amongst the of the in times gone by was that of making excursions in the winter on td village where die party had a kissing was so from the that here the from their fair companions the of a kiss before permitting their travelling to over of esq tn crop to a pig powder and have however had more effect on him than all onr lectures and he so happily the and gallantry of the old school with the hail fellow of the new that we a little acquaintance and making allowance for his old fashioned prejudices he will yery considerable with oar readers if not the worse for g will have to endure his company in the territory of criticism william wi esq has undertaken to and though we may all in it a little by yet we have willingly to him all powers in this respect though will has not had the advantage of an education at oxford or cambridge or even at or and though he is but little in hebrew yet we have no doubt he will be found fully competent to the undertaking he has improved his taste by a long residence abroad particularly at and the gay and polished court of he has also had an opportunity of seeing the i whim and opinions best singing girls and of china id a great in dresses and and particularly himself on his intimate knowledge of the and war dances of the northern indians he is promised the assistance of a gentleman lately from london who was born and bred in that centre of science and bon the vicinity of fleet market where he has been man and boy these six years with the harmonious of bow bells his taste therefore has attained to such an exquisite pitch of refinement that there are few of any kind which do not put him in a fever he has assured will that if mr instead of but or mrs pins her a hair s breadth or mrs offers to dare to look less than the daughter of a of the of a s daughter being exactly six feet they shall all hear of it in good time we have however advised will to keep his friend in check lest by opening the eyes of the to the wretchedness of the of esq actors by whom they have hitherto been entertained he might cut one source of amusement from our fellow citizens we give notice that we have taken the whole corps from the manager in his mantle of gorgeous to honest john in his green coat and black breeches under our wing and woe be unto him who a hair of their heads as we have no design against the patience of our fellow citizens we shall not dose them with copious draughts of theatrical criticism we know that they have already been well with them of late our will take up but a small part of our paper nor will they be altogether confined to the stage but extend from time to time to those against the peace of society the stage critics who not create the fault they find in order to yield an opening for their censure an actor for a gesture he never made or an emphasis he never gave and in their attempt to show off new | 48 |
make the sweet swan of like a if any one should feel himself of whim opinions by our let him attack we shall not from the if his passes be successful we will b first to cry out a hit a hit and we we hall lay ourselves open t weapons of our but let them a care how they run a with us have to deal with stubborn foes who can a world of we will be in our vengeance and will fight till bones the flesh be hack d what other subjects we shall include i range of our observations we have not d or rather we shall not trouble ours to detail the public have already formation concerning us than we impart we owe them no ne do we ask any we again advise them own to read our papers when come out we recommend to all them for their daughters who be into the of the bon ton cured of all those rusty old notions which during the last century parents i of i a g esq be aught how to govern their girls to get husbands and old maids how to do them as we do not measure our wits by the yard n and as they do not flow constantly we shall not our paper to size or the time of its appearance it be published whenever we have sufficient matter to constitute a number and the of the number shall depend on the stock in hand this will best suit our habits and leave us that full liberty and independence which is the joy and pride of our is there any one who wishes to know more about us let him read and grow wise thus much we will say there are three of us and i v all good and true many a time and oft have we three amused the town without its knowing to whom it was indebted and a time have we seen the midnight lamp twinkle faintly on our and heard the morning salutation of past three whim and opinions o clock before we sought our pillows the result of these midnight studies is now offer to the public and little as we care for the opinion of this exceedingly stupid world we shall take care as far as lies in our careless natures tp fulfil the promises made in this introduction if we do not we shall have so many examples to justify us that we feel little solicitude on that account containing the of modem criticism by william esq was performed to a very crowded house and much to our satisfaction as however our neighbour town has been very already in his on this play we shall make but few remarks having never seen in this character we are absolutely at a loss to say whether mr performed it well or not we think however there was an error in his costume as the learned of esq is of that in the time of the did not wear bat shoes also was noted for ing his jacket open that he might play fiddle more conveniently that an hereditary accomplishment in the is have seen this character performed in i by the celebrated the f that great empire who in the dagger always the by nose like a trumpet with the opinion of the sage im performed in wooden shoes him an opportunity of producing effect for on first seeing the dagger he always cut a prodigious and kicked his shoes into the pit i heads of the critics whereupon the au e were delighted flourished hands and st their whiskers three and the matter was carefully reported e next number of a paper called the town e were much pleased with mrs in i whim and opinions lady but we think she would have given a greater effect to the night scene if instead of holding the candle in her hand or setting it down on the table which is by neighbour to she had stuck it in her night cap this would have been extremely picturesque and would have marked more strongly the of her mind mrs however is not by any means large enough for the character lady having been in our opinion a woman of extraordinary size and of the race of the giants notwithstanding what she says of her little hand which being said in her sleep passes for nothing we should be happy to see this character in the hands of the lady who played q een of the giants in tom thumb she is exactly of imperial dimensions and provided she is well shaved of a most interesting as she appears also to be a lady of some nerve dare engage she will read a letter about vanishing in air and such common without being i of esq ic surprised to the annoyance of honest town we are happy to observe that mr profits by the instructions of friend town and does not dip the dagger in blood so deep as formerly by the matter of an inch or two this was a violent outrage upon our immortal bard we differ with mr town in his reading of the words this is a sorry sight we are of the force of the sentence should be thrown on the word sight because having been a short time before most with an dagger was in doubt whether the actually in his hands were real or whether they were not mere shadows or as the old english have termed it te this at any rate will establish our skill in new though we differ in this respect from our neighbour town yet we heartily agree with him in mr for that passage so remarkable for | 48 |
beauty of etc beginning with and pity like a naked new born babe etc it is one of those passages of ao and opinions which should always be retained for the pose of showing how sometimes that poet could talk like a or to s more plainly like the mad poet lee as it is the first duty of a friend to ad and as we profess and do actually feel a ship for honest town we warn him n in his to with a lady s i or to quote bottom in the instance he may catch a and ii second the ass s head may rise in against him and when it is once afloat t is no knowing where some unlucky hand place it we would not for all the mon our pockets see town flourishing his under the of an ass s head the great in his cap new york assembly by the have gained a accession of beauty several brilliant op af f rom the east and from north to the of fashion the i have f another planet rivals even v in and i claim with for my discovery i shall take some future opportunity to this planet and the u which around it at the last assembly the company began to some show about eight but the most fashionable delayed their appearance until about nine nine being the number of the and therefore the best possible hour for beginning to exhibit the graces this is meant for a pretty play upon words and i assure my readers that i think it very me poor will whose memory i hold in special consideration even with his century of experience would have been puzzled to point out the of a lady by her prevailing colours for the rival queens of fashion mrs and madame two of rival in the city of new york whim and opinions appeared to have exhausted their wonderful inventions in the different disposition and combination of tints and shades the philosopher who maintained that black was white and that of course there was no such colour as white might have given some colour to his theory on this occasion by the absence of poor forsaken white muslin i was however much pleased to see that red its ground against all other colours because red is the colour of mr s tom s nose and my slippers let the grumbling of this world who cultivate taste among books and rail at the extravagance of the age for my part i was delighted with the magic of the scene and as the ladies tripped through the of the dance sparkling and glowing and dazzling i like the honest chinese thanked them heartily for the jewels and finery with which they loaded themselves merely la this instance as well as on other a little innocent is indulged at mr s expense the allusion made here is to the red velvet small clothes the president in defiance of good taste used to attire him self on days and other public occasions of esq a for the entertainment of by and blessed my stars that i was a bachelor the gentlemen were considerably numerous and being as usual in their appropriate black constituted a regiment which contributed not a little to the brilliant gaiety of the ball room i must confess i am indebted for this remark to our friend the mr or as he is called for he is a fellow of infinite stands in high favour and like is a up to every thing i remember when a comfortable plump looking citizen led into the room a fair who looked for all the world like the of a rainbow observed that it reminded him of a fable which he had read somewhere of the marriage of an honest pains taking who had once walked six feet in an hour for a to a butterfly whom he used to gallant hy the elbow with the aid of much puffing and exertion on being called upon to tell where he had come across this story i absolutely refused to answer and opinions it would but be repeating an old story say that the ladies of new york dance we and well may they since they learn it and begin their lessons before th have quitted their clothes t immortal has over all the female heads and heels in this and are neglect to attend to his positions and poor with his pots and and ery finds him a more potent enemy than t whole force of the north ri society that this will inevitably continue as long as dancing master will charge the price of five and twenty dollars a quarter a all the other accomplishments are so vulgar to be at a half the money bu put no faith in in this among his of he is but a poor in dancing ai the north river society an association the of which was to set the north river the on i a number of men of some fashion little talent and p were as members of esq though he often through a yet he never cut a pigeon wing in his life in my mind there s no position more positive and than that most dead or alive are born dancers i came upon this discovery at the assembly and i immediately noted it down in my register of facts the public shall know all about it as i never dance holding them to be monstrous of the human frame and in their operations to being broken and on the wheel i generally take occasion while they are going on to make my remarks on the company in the course of these i was struck with the energy and eloquence | 48 |
of sundry limbs which seemed to be flourishing about without to any body after much investigation and difficulty i at length traced them to their owners whom i found to be all to a man art may have somewhat m these affairs but nature certainly did more i i have since been considerably employed in calculations on this subject and by the most vol i whim and opinions accurate i have determined tha a frenchman passes at least three of hi time between the heavens and the earth an eminently of the nature of a or soap one of these jack o heroes in taking a figure which neither nor himself could ui fortunately wound himself i mean his fo his better part into a lady s robe but perceiving it at the instant he si himself a spinning the other way like a to his step without one or curve and himself without ing a thread of the lady s dress he then up like a crossed his feet four time and finished this wonderful by his left leg as a cat does her she has accidentally dipped it in water k man of woman born who was not a man could have done the like among the new faces i remarked a who has brought a fresh supply roses from the country to adorn the wreath beauty where lilies too much as i wish well to every sweet face und of esq i sincerely hope her roses may survive the and of winter and o nothing by a comparison with the loveliest of the spring to whom i made similar remarks assured me that they were very just and very prettily expressed and that the lady in question was a prodigious fine piece of flesh and blood now could i find it in my heart to these like their own roast beef they can make no distinction between a fine woman and a fine horse i would praise the like grace with which another young lady herself in the dance but that she in far more valuable accomplishments who praises the i rose for its beauty even though it is beautiful the company retired at the customary hour to the supper room where the tables were laid out with their usual splendour and profusion my friend with the native thought of a had carefully i his pocket with cheese and that he might not be tempted again to venture his limbs in the crowd of hungry fair ones who s whim and opinions throng the supper room door his was unnecessary for the company entered th room with surprising order and decorum n gowns were no ladies fainted no nose nor was there any need of the of either or peace officers of esq no ii wednesday february from the elbow chair of esq in the conduct of an poem it has been the custom from time for the poet occasionally to introduce his reader to an intimate acquaintance with the heroes of his story by conducting him into their tents and giving him an opportunity of observing them in their night gown and slippers however i despise the genius that would descend to follow a precedent though furnished by himself and consider him as on a par with the cart that follows at the heels of the horse without ever taking the lead yet at the present moment my whim is opposed to my opinion and whenever this is the case my opinion generally at discretion i am determined therefore to give the town a peep into our and i shall repeat it as o whim and opinions often as i please to show that i intend to h the other night will and called upon me to pass away a few hours i social chat and hold a kind of council of to give a zest to our evening i bottle of london particular which has grow old with myself and which never fails to a smile in the countenances of my ol to whom alone it is devoted aft some little time the conversation turned c the effect produced by our first number one had his of information and i my readers that we laughed most at their expense they will lis for our merriment tis a way we ve go who is equally a favourite and of young and old was particularly sad factory in his details and it was highly ing to hear how different characters with different passages the old foil were delighted to find there was a bias in oi towards the good old times and particularly noticed a worthy old of his acquaintance who had been of esq l a beau in his day whose eyes brightened at the bare mention of kissing bridge it recalled to his recollection several of his youthful exploits at that celebrated pass on which he seemed to dwell with great pleasure and self complacency he hoped he said that the bridge might be preserved for the benefit of posterity and as a monument of the gallantry of their and even hinted at the of a toll gate there to collect of the ladies but the most flattering testimony of approbation which our work has received was from an old lady never laughed but once in her life and that was at the conclusion of the last war she was detected by friend in the very fact of laughing most at the description of the little dancing frenchman now it my very heart to find our have such a pleasing effect i the aged and joy whenever it is in my power to scatter a few flowers in their path the young people were particularly interested in the account of the assembly was some difference of opinion respecting the i whim and opinions new planet and the blooming the country but as | 48 |
to the compliment to the fascinating little who danced s gracefully every lady took that to herself mentioned also that the ladies were extremely anxious to learn the mode of managing their and miss who is as as an ha seen a few superfluous pass over hei head and of having slain her wished to know how old maids were to d without husbands not that she was ven curious about the matter she only asked foi information m several ladies expressed earnest desire that we would not spare wooden gentlemen who perform the parts o or horses in their drawing rooms and their mothers were equally that we would show no quarter to those of spirit who now and then cut their bottle to a tea party with the of th dinner table will was not a little a having been mistaken for a gentleman wh is no more like said will a than of esq i was well assured continued will that as our characters were drawn from nature the would be found in every society and so it has every little circle has its and the intended merely as the representative of his species has into an insignificant individual who having recognised his own likeness has foolishly appropriated to himself a picture for which he never sat such too has been the case with who has undertaken to be my representative not that i care much about the matter for it must be acknowledged that the animal is a good natured animal enough and what is more a fashionable animal and this is saying more than to call him a but i am much mistaken if he can claim any to the family surely every body knows the gentle who all space who is here and there and every where no tea party can be complete without and his appearance is sure to occasion a smile has been the occasion of much wit in his day i have whim and opinions and i assure my readers tha william is no other person in tb whole world but william so i beg may hear no more conjectures on the subject will is in fact a by inheritance tl family has long been celebrated fo knowing more than their neighbours concerning their neighbours they were called but great uncle by the father s side having accidentally burnt for a witch in in consequence of blowing up his own in a philosophical experiment the family i order to the recollection of this mc circumstance assumed the name an arms of and have borne them eve since in the course of my customary morning walk i stepped in at a book shop which i noted for being the favourite haunt of a her of some of whom rank high in opinion of the world and others rank equal high in their own here i found a knot queer fellows listening to one of their con who was reading our paper i i is u oi of e q noticed mr among the is one of those with which this unhappy city is one of your q in the corner low who speaks volumes with a wink most information by lay ing his finger beside his nose and is always smelling a rat in the most trifling occurrence he listened to our work with the most every now and then gave a shrug a or a screw of the mouth and on being asked his opinion at the e conclusion said he did not know what to think of it he hoped it did not mean any thing against the government that no lurking treason was in all this talk these were dangerous times times of plot and conspiracy he did not at all like those stars after mr s name they had an air of concealment dick who was one of the group undertook our cause dick is known to the world as being a most knowing genius who can see as for as any body into a n in the teeth of all whim and opinions that a is a and will a good half hour by st clock to a self evident fact dick assured old that those stars merely stood for mr red what and that so far from conspiracy against their peace and prosperity the authors whom he knew yery well w k only expressing their high respect for them the old man shook his head shrugged shoulders gave a mysterious lord nod said he hoped it might be so but he wai by no means satisfied with this attack tha president s breeches as thereby f ta e mr s concert by in my register of facts i noted it that all modern is but the mere and of du ancient and that all the spirit and vigour harmony has entirely in the of ages oh for the chant of the and the shell of the and the i ii i ft hi s of esq y sweet of the of ancient where now shall we seek the who built walls with a turn of his the who made stones i to whistle about his ears and trees hop in a by the mere of his ah had i the power of the former how soon would i build up the new city hall and the cash and credit of the and how much sooner would i build myself a snug house in nor would it be the first time a house has been obtained there for a song in my opinion the scotch bag pipe is the only instrument that rivals the ancient and i am surprised it should be almost the only one entirely excluded from our talking of reminds me of that given | 48 |
a few nights since by mr at which i had the misfortune of being present it was attended by a numerous company and satisfaction if i may be allowed to judge from the frequent of the audience though i will not risk my credit as a by saying whether they proceeded si h o whim and opinions from wonder or a violent inclination to do i was delighted to find in the of crowd my particular friend w had put on his he being to his own account a profound in the science of music he can tell a et at first sight and like a true is delighted with the of a and in short of climbed up musical which hangs every day upon the fr the to the major d and so on from branch branch until he reached the very top wh he sung rule clapped his win and then came down again like all ti atlantic judges he suffers most at our musical and x that what with the confounded a scratching and grating of our thinks the sitting out one of our u to the punishment of that an device suspended from a in the shop of a music in i i of esq saint who was in two with a mr gave me infinite satisfaction by the of his and the looks he now and then cast at the ladies bnt we fear his excessive modesty threw him into some little confusion for he absolutely forgot himself and in the whole course of his and never once made his bow to the audience on the whole however i think he has a fine voice sings with great taste and is a very modest good looking little man but i beg leave to repeat the advice so often given i by the illustrious tenants of the theatrical to the gentlemen who arc charged with the nice conduct of chairs and tables a bow make a bow cannot on this occasion but express my surprise that certain should be so frequently at considering what agonies they suffer while a piece of music is playing i defy any man of common humanity and who has not the heart of a e t and opinions to contemplate the countenance of one these unhappy of a fiddle stick feeling a sentiment of compassion his wh is distorted he rolls up his eyes m says a like a duck in and the music seems to operate upon him li a fit of the his very seem to at every of the cat as if heard at that moment the of helpless animal that had been sacrificed harmony nor does the hero of the seem less affected as soon as the given he his fiddle stick makes a m horrible and fiercely upon music book as though he would grin e i and out of countenance have sometimes particularly noticed a hung looking who a huge bass vi and who is doubtless the original of the raw head and bloody bones so potent naughty children the person who played the french horn very excellent in his way but not relish his performance having some ti since heard a gentleman amateur in of esq play a on his in a style infinitely superior this gentleman had ceased to exhibit this prodigious accomplishment having it was whispered hired out his musical feature to a who had lost his the consequence was that he did not show his nose in company so frequently as before sitting late the other evening in my elbow chair indulging in that kind of indolent meditation which i consider the perfection of human bliss i was roused from my reverie by the entrance of an old servant in the livery who handed me a letter containing the following address from my cousin and old college honest as he delivered it informed me that his master who a little way from town on reading a small in a neat yellow cover rubbed his hands with symptoms of great satisfaction called for his fa tlie of were originally published in this whim and even seen many attempt to be dull at his expense who were as much inferior to him as the fly is to the ox that he about does any want to distress the company with a miserable nobody s name presents sooner than s and it has been played upon with equal skill and equal entertainment to the by as bells is profoundly devoted to the ladies and highly entitled to their regard for i know no man who makes a better bow or talks less to the purpose than has acquired a prodigious fund of knowledge by reading when a boy and the other day on being asked who was the author of answered without the least hesitation has a quotation for every day of the year and every hour of the day and every minute of the hour but he often petty on the poets the gray hairs of old s head and them on the chin of pope and johnson s wig to cover the bald of but his pass by one half of his hearers of esq of the town wore a longer pig tail or carried more in his skirts from sixteen to thirty he was continually in love and during that period to use his own words he more paper than would serve the for snow storms a whole season the evening of his birth day as he sat by the fireside as much in love as ever was man in this world and writing the name of his mistress in the ashes with an old that had lost one of its legs he was seized with a whim that he was an old fool to be in love at his time of life it was | 48 |
ever one of the characteristics to strike to whim and had stood out on this occasion he would have brought the reputation of his mother in question from that time he gave up all particular attention to the ladies and though he still loves their company he has never been known to exceed the bounds of common courtesy in his intercourse with them he was the life and ornament of our family circle in town until the epoch of the french revolution which sent so many unfortunate dancing masters from their country to polish i whim opinions and this was sad time for who had taken a prejudice against every thing ever since he was brought to death s door i a he groaned at and the ma hymn had much the same effect up him that a knife on a dry has upon some people it set his teeth ing he might in time have been reconcile to these had not the introduction french on the hats of our thrown him into a fever the time he saw an instance of this kind he can home with great packed up i trunk his old fashioned writing desk and i chinese ink stand and made a kind of retreat to hall where he has ever since my cousin is of a tion a without ill nature he of the true temper one flash ai all is over it is true when the wind is or the gives him a gentle or hears of any new of the french will become a little and heaven he i of esq a the man and more particularly the woman t tbat crosses his humour that moment she is sure to receive no quarter these are the most sublime moments of i swear to you dear ladies and gentlemen i would not lose one of those bursts for the best t wig in my wardrobe even though it were proved to be the identical wig worn by the i sage when he before the whole university of that it was possible to make bricks without straw i have seen the old gentleman blaze forth such a explosion of wit ridicule and satire that i was almost tempted to believe him inspired bat these only lasted for a moment and passed like summer clouds over the benevolent sunshine which ever warmed his heart and lighted up his countenance time though it has dealt roughly with his person has passed lightly over the graces of his mind and left him in full possession of all the of youth his eye at the relation of a noble or generous action his heart at the story of distress and he is i still a warm admirer of the fair like all old whim and opinions however he looks back with a fo and lingering eye on the period of his and would sooner suffer the pangs of mat than acknowledge that the world any thing in it is half so clever as it was those good old times that are gone by i believe i have already mentioned tl with all his good qualities he is a and a of the highest order he some of the most intolerable whim ever met with in my life and his i sufficient to out a hundred tolerable o but i will not on them has been told to excite a desire to know and i am much mistaken if in the course half a dozen of our numbers he don t plague please and the whole to and completely establish his claim to the h he has and with which invest him him and to public reverence and respect of esq to esq as i find you have taken the to put our town and its fair under i offer my hopes for success to your cause and send you d my of applause ah this poor town has heen d has long been be frenchman d be d be d and our ladies be d astray from the rules of their grand have wander d away no longer that modest meet which the eyes of our fathers did greet j no longer be be ruffled be d powder d be be patch d and be d no longer our fair ones their display and stiff in like away oh how fondly my soul forms departed has traced when our ladies in stays and in well when bishop d and and d to the chin well d without and well d within ail in their from crown down to tail like s mistress were shaped like a well peace to those fashions the joy of our eyes new follies will rise vol i o whim and opinions yet like joys that are past they still crowd on the in moments of thought as the soul looks behind sweet days of our boyhood gone by my dear la like the shadows of night or the forms in a trance yet oft we those bright again tis true but those visions remain i recall with delight how my bosom would creep when some foot from its chamber would and when i a neat d ankle could spy by the of old i was co the sky all then was retiring was discreet the beauties all were left to conceit to the which fancy would form in her eye of graces that snug in soft would lie and the heart like the poets in thought would the of bliss which was from its view we are old fashion d fellows our will say d fashion d indeed and swear it they may for i freely confess that it me no pride to see them all show what their mothers would hid to see them ail shivering some cold winter s day | 48 |
so lavish their beauties and graces display and give to each that offers his hand like moses from a peep at the land bat a with complaining the object in is to offer my help in the work you pursue of esq and as your and labours sublime may need now and then a few touches of rhyme i humbly as cousin and friend a or remonstrance to send or should you a want in your plan the of my grandmother i am your man ton must know i have got a poetical mill which with odd lines and and i fill and a poem i grind as from rags white and blue the paper mill you a sheet fair and new i can grind down an or an that s long into or song as to dull so boasted of late the discharge of some i can grind it by and give it true point with dish d up in out of joint i have read all the poets and got them by heart can them and twist them and take them apart can cook up an out of patches and to my readers and bother their heads old and and i and who changed to a swan and i grind at my will and with of love every can fill oh do your heart good to see my mill grind old stuff into verses and poems refined y whim and opinions dan dan those poets of old though covered with dust are yet true sterling gold i can grind off their and bring them to view new new mill d and improved in their but i promise no more only give me the place and t warrant til fill it with credit and grace by the powers figure and cut you a dash as bold as will or flash advertisement perhaps the most fruitful source of mortification to a merry writer who for the amusement of himself and the public his leisure in odd characters from imagination is that he cannot flourish his pen but every jack it is pointed directly at himself he cannot in his throw a cap among the crowd but every queer fellow upon putting it on his own head or chalk an figure but every genius is eager to write his own name of esq under it however we may be that these men should each think himself of sufficient to engage our attention we should ot care a rush about it if they did not get into a passion and plain of having been ill used it is not in our hearts to hurt the feelings of one single by holding him up to public ridicule as however we are aware that when a man by chance gets a in the crowd he is apt to suppose the blow was intended exclusively for himself and so fall into unreasonable anger we have determined to let these gentry know what kind of they are to expect from us we are resolved not to fight for three special reasons first because fighting is at all events extremely troublesome and inconvenient particularly at this season of the year second because if either of us should happen to be killed it would be a great loss to the public aiid rob them of many a good laugh we have in store for their amusement and third because if we should chance to kill our adversary as is most likely for we can every one of us balls whim and opinions upon and snuff candles it would be a loss to our by him of a good customer if any gentleman will give three as good reasons for fighting we pro him a complete set of for nothing but though we do not fight in our own proper persons let it not be supposed that we will not give ample satisfaction to all those who may choose to demand it for this would be a mistake of the first magnitude and lead very gentlemen perhaps into what is called a it would be a thousand and one that any honest man after taking to himself the cap and bells which we merely offered to his acceptance should not have the privilege of being into the bargain we pride ourselves upon giving satisfaction in every department of our paper and to fill that of fighting have engaged two of those heroes of the theatre who figure in the of our kings and queens now hurry an old stuff on their backs and of rome or of london and now be their op esq s faces with burnt cork and right warriors armed cap pie in should therefore any great little man about town take offence at our good natured though we intend to offend nobody under heaven he will please to apply at any hour after twelve o clock as our will then be off duty at the theatre and ready for any thing they have promised to fight with or without balls to give two of the nose for one to submit to be kicked and to their most heartily in return this being what we understand by a the of a whim and opinions no in friday february i from my elbow chair as i delight in every thing novel and eccentric and would at any time give an old coal for a new idea i am particularly attentive tc the manners and conversation of strangers and scarcely ever a traveller enters this city whose appearance promises any thing original hut hy some means or another i form ai acquaintance with him must confess i of ten suffer manifold from the thus contracted my curiosity is punished by the stupid details of i or the shallow of j now i would prefer at any time u | 48 |
travel with an ox team through a sand flat rather than through a conversation with the former am as to the latter i would sooner hold with the wheel of a knife of esq than endure his monotonous chattering in the strangers who flock to this most pleasant of all earthly cities are generally mere birds of passage whose is often gay enough i own but their notes heaven save the mark are as as those of that classic night bird which the selected as the emblem of wisdom those from the south it is true entertain me with their horses and and it is excessively pleasant to hear a couple of these four in hand gentlemen detail their exploits over a bottle those from the east have often induced me to doubt the existence of the wise men of who are said to have flourished in that quarter and as for those from parts beyond seas oh my masters ye shall hear more from me anon heaven help this unhappy town hath it not of its own and that it must be overwhelmed by such an of from other i would not have any of my courteous and gentle readers suppose that i am running a full cut and upon all foreigners whim and opinions i have no national though relate to the family as to honest bull i shake him heartily by the hand ing him that i his countenance an moreover am descended from him i proof of which i my for roast beef and i then fore look upon all his children as my and i beg when i a i may n be understood as an they being very distinct animals as i sha in a future number j any one wishes to know my opinion of tb irish and scotch he may find it in the of those nations drawn by the first of the age but the french i confess are my and i have take more pains to argue my cousin out c his to them than i ever did any other thing when therefore i to hunt a for my own amusement i beg it may not be asserted i intend him as a representative of his at large far from i love th nation as being a nation of right merry fe of esq possessing the true secret of being happy which is nothing more than of nothing talking about any thing and laughing at every thing i mean only to tune up those little thing o who represent nobody but themselves who have no national trait about them but their language and who hop about our town in like little after a shower among the few strangers whose acquaintance has entertained me i particularly rank the rub a a most illustrious captain of a figured some time since in our fashion able circles at the bead of a ragged regiment of prisoners his conversation was to me a perpetual feast i chuckled with inward pleasure at his mistakes and unaffected observations on men and manners and i rolled each odd conceit like a sweet morsel under my tongue prisoners taken by an american in an action off were brought to new york where they at large objects of the curiosity and hospitality of the inhabitants until an opportunity presented to restore them to their own country o whim and opinions whether was by mj iron bound or flattered by the attentions which i paid him i won t determine but i so far gained his confidence that at hi departure he presented me with a bundle oi papers containing among other articles several copies of letters which he had to his friends at the following is translation of one of them the original is ir greek but by the assistance of who understands all languages no excepting that by i have been enabled to accomplish a tolerable translation we should have found little in rendering it into english had it no been for s confounded pot and of esq letter from rub a captain of a to principal slave to his the of thou wilt learn from this letter most of that i have for some time resided in new york the most polished vast and magnificent city of the united states of america but what to me are its delights i wander a captive through its splendid streets i turn a heavy eye on every rising day that me banished from my country the christian husbands here lament most bitterly any short absence home though they leave but one wife behind to lament their departure what then must be the feelings of thy unhappy while thus lingering at an distance from three and twenty of the most lovely and obedient wives in all oh shall thy servant never again return to his na whim and opinions land nor behold his beloved wives who beam on bis memory beautiful as the rosy of the east and graceful as s yet beautiful oh most slave driver as are my wives they are far exceeded by the women of this country even those who run about the streets with bare arms and necks et whose are too scanty to protect them either from the of the seasons or the glances of the curious and who it would seem belong to nobody are lovely as the that people the of true if then such as run wild in the and whom no one cares to appropriate are thus what must be the charms of those who are shut up in the and never permitted to go abroad surely the region of beauty the valley of the graces can contain nothing so fair but notwithstanding the charms of women they are apt to have one which is extremely troublesome and inconvenient thou believe it i have of esq been positively assured by a | 48 |
famous or doctor as he is here called that at least one fifth part of them have souls incredible as it may seem to thee i am the more inclined to believe them in possession of this monstrous from my own little experience and from the information which i have derived from others in walking the streets i have actually seen an exceeding good looking woman with soul enough to box her husband s ears to his heart s content and my very whiskers trembled with indignation at the abject state of these wretched i am told moreover that some of the women have soul enough to the breeches of the men but these i suppose are married and kept close for i have not in my met with any so others i am informed have soul enough to swear yea by the beard of the great who prayed three times to each of the one hundred and thousand of our most holy and who never swore but once in his life they actually swear get thee to the good return whim and opinions thanks to our most holy prophet that he has been thus of the comfort of all true and has given them wives with no more souls than cats and dogs and other necessary animals of the household thou wilt doubtless be anxious to learn our reception in this country and how we were treated by a people whom we have been accustomed to consider as on landing we were waited upon to our lodgings i suppose according to the directions of the by a vast and respectable escort of boys and who shouted and threw up their hats doubtless to do honour to the captain of a they were somewhat ragged and dirty in their but this was attributed to their republican simplicity one of them in the zeal of admiration threw an old shoe which gave thy friend rather an salutation on one side of the head i was not a little offended until the informed us that this was the customary manner in which great men were honoured in this i op esq country and that the more distinguished they were the more they were subjected to the attacks and of the mob upon this i bowed my head three times with my hands to my and made a speech in greek which great satisfaction and occasioned a shower of old shoes hats and so forth that was exceedingly refreshing to us all thou will not as yet expect that i should thee an account of the laws and politics of this country i will reserve them for some future letter when i shall be more experienced in their complicated and seemingly c nature this empire is governed by a grand and most whom they with the title of president he is chosen by persons who are chosen by an assembly elected by the people whence the mob is called the sovereign people and the country free the body doubtless resembling a vessel which is best governed by its tail the present is a very plain old gentleman something they say of a as he whim and opinions himself with and he is rather declining in popularity having given great offence by wearing ra breeches and tying his horse to a post th people of the united states have assured m that they themselves are the most enlightened nation under the sun but thou the the of the desert who a the summer to shoot their arrows a that glorious in order to his burning rays make precisely the sam boast which of them have the claim i shall not attempt to decide i have observed with some degree of sur that the men of this country do not seen in haste to accommodate themselves with the single wife which alone the laws per this is another to the primitive habits of mr sod even while the first magistrate of the an on occasions when a little of the pomp and circumstance o office would not have been with that situation wa accustomed to dress in the garb and when on to be without an attendant so that it not that he might be seen when the business of the state require his personal presence riding up alone to the government at washington and having tied his to the nearest post proceed to the important business of the nation ed t of l esq them to marry this is probably owing to the misfortune of their absolutely no female among thou how invaluable are these silent companions what a price is given for them in the east and what entertaining wives they what delightful entertainment arises from beholding the silent eloquence of their signs and gestures but a wife possessed both of a tongue and a soul monstrous monstrous is it astonishing these unhappy should shrink from a union with a woman so endowed thou hast doubtless read in the works of the historian the tradition which that the were once upon the point of falling together by the ears about the admission of a tenth among their number until she assured them by signs that she was dumb whereupon they received her with great rejoicing i should perhaps inform thee that there are but nine christian who were formerly par but have since been converted and that in this country we never hear of a unless whim and opinions some crazy poet wishes to pay an compliment to his mistress on which it goes hard but she figures as a tenth muse or fourth grace even though she should be more than a and more than a dancing bear since my bt rival in this country i have met not less than a hundred of these moses and and may me from ever meeting any more when i have studied this people more | 48 |
profoundly i will write thee again in the mean time watch over my household and do not beat my beloved wives unless you catch them with their noses out at the window though distant and a slave let me live in thy heart as thou in mine think not o friend of my soul that the of this luxurious capital its gorgeous palaces its and the females who run wild in herds about its streets can thee from my remembrance name shall still be mentioned in the five prayers which i offer up daily and may our great prophet after on thee op esq all the blessings of this life at length in a good old age lead thee gently by the hand to enjoy the dignity of of three tails in the of fashions by the following article is furnished me by a young lady of taste and who is the of fashion and deeply into all the of the she has promised me from time to a similar detail mrs has for some time reigned in the fashionable world and had the supreme direction of caps feathers flowers and she has dressed and ladies just as she pleased now them with velvet and now turning them adrift upon the world to run whim and opinions shivering through the streets with scare to their backs and now them to drag a long train at their heels the tail of a paper her however to be a rival has sprung up in the madame an little wo fresh from the head quarters of folly and who has burst like a second upon the fashionable world mrs t notwithstanding seems determined to her ground bravely for the honour o england the ladies have begun to an themselves under the banner of one or of these of the needle and thing open war madame gallantly to the field flaming red robe for a standard the skies and mrs no ways out under cover of a artificial flowers like s host parties possess great merit and both de the victory mrs charges the big but madame makes the lowest madame is a little op esq nor is there any hope of her growing larger but then she is perfectly genteel and so is mrs mrs lives in and madame in street but madame for the inferiority of her by making two to mrs s one and talking french like an angel mrs is the best looking but madame wears a most little wig mrs is the but madame has the longest nose mrs is fond of roast beef but madame is loyal in ber to in short so equally are the merits of the two ladies balanced that there is no judging which will kick the beam tf it however seems to be the prevailing opinion that madame will carry the day because she wears a wig has a long nose talks french loves and does not charge above ten times as much for a thing as it is worth a and opinions under the direction of these high of the beau the following is the fashionable ing dress for walking if the weather be very cold a thin muslin gown or frock is most advisable because it with the season being perfectly cool the neck arms and particularly the elbows bare in order that they may be agreeably painted and by mr john frost general of the colour of soap shoes of kid the that can possibly be procured as they tend to promote and make a lady look interesting fu e silk stockings with lace flesh coloured are most fashionable as they have the appearance of bare legs being all the rage the stockings carelessly with mud to agree with the gown which should be bordered about three inches deep with the most coloured mud that can be found the ladies permitted to hold up their trains after they have swept two or three streets in order to show the of their stockings the shawl scarlet l of esq flame orange salmon or any other or colour thrown over one shoulder like an indian blanket with one end dragging on the ground n b if the ladies have not a red shawl at band a red turned over the shoulders would do just as well this is called being dressed h la when the ladies do not go abroad of a morning the usual chimney corner dress is a dotted spotted striped or cross barred gown a dirty coloured shawl and the hair curiously ornamented with little bits of newspapers or pieces of a letter from a dear friend this is called the a dress the for a full dress is as follows take of spider net satin cat lace and artificial flowers as much as will out the congregation of a village church to these add as many beads and as would be sufficient to turn the heads of all the fair ones of sound let mrs or madame patch i and opinions all these articles together one upon dash them over ith star a d and they will altogether form a dress which hung upon a lady s back fail of supplying the place of beauty youth and grace and of reminding the spectator of that celebrated region of finery called rag fair one of the greatest sources of amusement incident to our humorous knight is to about and hear the various conjectures of the town respecting our whom every body to know as well as did prince at hill we have sometimes seen a sleepy fellow on being with a straw e a furious effort and fancy he had fairly caught a in his grasp so that many headed monster the public who with all his heads is we fear sadly off brains has | 48 |
rubbish of years no fierce nor am i who frown on each i chance to who on a novelty just like a and tear ap a victim through malice or spite who expose to the of an ill natured crew a for starting a whim that is of l esq no i shall hold up my glass to the sweet little blossoms who pass my remarks not too pointed to wound or offend nor so vague as to miss their benevolent end each innocent fashion shall have its full sway new modes shall arise to astonish red hats and red still the town and each like a blaze up and down fair spirits who the gloom of our days who cheer this dull scene with your heavenly rays no mortal can love you more firmly and true from the crown of the head to the sole of your shoe tin old fashion d tis true but still runs in my heart that affectionate stream to which youth gave the start more calm in its current yet potent in force less by but still in course though the lover no longer appears tis the guide and the guardian d by years all d and mellow d and soften d by time the polish d which in my prime i am fully prepared for that delicate end the fair one s companion and friend and should i perceive you in fashion s gay dance by the of france expose your weak frames to a chill wintry sky to be d by its to be torn from the eye my soft shall fall on your ear shall whisper those parents to whom you are dear and ot shall warn you run and sing of those fair ones frost has undone bright that would scarce on h ok ere sight they d gay who have floated in c es below as pure in their s aiid transient as snow sweet roses that ot i d decay d to e and of forms that have flitted and passed to ther sky but as to those of our town those of the ton who run down who and who and who about no knowledge within and no with who eat each beauty eyes who rail at those morals their fathers would prize who at the play and who dare to come in their cups to the of the fair i shall hold up my mirror to let them the figures they cut as they dash it away should my good humoured verse no produce like at least they shall still be of use i shall them in up in my rhyme and hold them aloft through the progress of time as figures of fun to make the folks laugh like that queer looking angel erected by what as he says all de people what come what all and what on de of no iv tuesday a from mt elbow chair perhaps no pf men to which the curious and are more indebted than travel who write whole about themselves their horses of inn m droll sayings of s and int tf sting of the lord knows who th y will give you a account of si city its manners customs nd though perhaps their knowledge of it was obtained by a peep from their windows and an interesting conversation with the land lord or the waiter america has bad its share of s and in the name ii profound thanks for the they have upon and the variety of particulars concerning our own country which we should never have discovered without their assistance whim and opinions influenced by such sentiments i am delighted to find that the family among its other and monstrous productions is about to be enriched with a genuine this is no less a personage than mr the only son and darling pride of my cousin mr is at present in his one and twentieth year and a young fellow of wonderful quick parts if you will trust to the word of his father who him should be the best judge of the matter he is the of the family to his sisters on every occasion though they are some dozen or more years older than himself and never did son give mother better advice than as old was determined his son should be both a scholar and a gentleman he took great pains with his education which was completed at our university where he became exceedingly expert in his teachers and playing no student made better and to blow up the professor no one more ludicrous on the walls of the college of esq and none were more in pigs and climbing he moreover learned all the letters of the greek could that water never of its own accord rose above the level of its source and that air was certainly the principle of life for he had been entertained with the humane experiment of a cat worried to death in an air pump he once shook down the ash house by an artificial earthquake and nearly blew his sister and her cat out of the window with powder he likewise exceedingly of being thoroughly acquainted with the composition of black and once made a pot of it which had well nigh poisoned the whole family and actually threw the cook maid into but above all he himself upon his logic has the old college of the cat with three tails t his fingers ends and often his father with his to the great delight of the old gentle man who considers the major minor and conclusion as almost equal in argument to the the and the in whim and s iq i ct my cousin was once nearly with t h hearing trace the ot from king ds | 48 |
king king mai in short had been a student at oxford or cambridge he would in all probability have been promoted to the dignity of a senior having made a very speech on to a k i assemblage of old folks and young ladies who declared that he was a very fine young man and made very handsome gestures w as seized with a great desire to see or rather to be seen by the world and his v as to give k him every possible advantage it w as determined should visit foreign in ot this resolution he has spent a matter of three or f o r months in visiting strange places in the course of his travels has some few days at the splendid of and philadelphia has travelled as every modem of sense should do that is he judges of things by the next at if he hat of esq ever any doubt on a subject always against the city where he happens to and invariably takes home as the standard by which to direct his judgment going into his room the other day when he happened to be absent i found a manuscript volume lying on his table and was to find it contained notes and hints for a book of which he he seems to have taken a late fashionable for his model and i have no doubt his work will be equally instructive and amusing with that of his the following are some which may not prove to my readers and opinions a tour to be entitled the stranger in new or by the younger chap i the man in the moon preparations for departure hints to travellers about packing their trunks and bed case of pistols a la five trunks three a cocked hat and a medicine chest a la parting advice of it is not a little singular that this mode of the productions of sir john and other of the day should have been successfully adopted almost at the same moment by two writers placed in different and distant quarters of the globe my pocket appeared in london only two or weeks after the publication of these in new so that neither writer could possibly have borrowed from the other and by its ingenious and satire crushed a whole host of book making with the knight at their head stranger in i of my two sisters old maids are so particular in their naughty description of hook might he into gun boats and our port equally well with river ghosts major good story of built on the spot where the folk once danced on their while the devil why do the talk dutch story of the tower of and confusion of tongues get into the stage driver a wag famous fellow for running stage races killed three passengers and crippled nine in the course of his philosophical reasons why stage drivers love ditch on each side for folk to tumble into famous e for call em them under the ashes as we do potatoes may this be the reason that the are all heads bridge good painting of a blue horse ing over a mountain wonder who it was painted by to ask go whim and opinions the baron de about it on my return hill so called from with salt marsh surmounted here and there by a solitary hay more wonder why the don t establish a here and get a patent for it bridge over the rate of toll description of toll boards tou man had but one eye story how it is possible he may have lost the other pence table etc chap ii noted for its fine breed of fat sting through the boot story about and his man jolly fat fellows a knowing traveller always judges of every thing by the inn and set down people all fat as butter learned on s green coat with priest link d messrs rag and of esq reasons why the wear red night caps academy full of windows sunshine excellent to make little boys grow elizabeth town fine girls vile plenty of have any feeling good story about the fox catching them by his tail might great use in the pearl member of the treats everybody who has a vote all the members of in new bridge town called from a story of a parson and his wife real name bridge town from bridge a contrivance to get dry shod over a river or brook and tou n an given in america to the accidental assemblage of a church a tavern and a blacksmith s shop landlady mending her husband s sublime to affection and the fair sex wood bridge famous for its sentimental correspondence between a and a the whim at d to and when the is ill she plays the devil with the chap iii l e t t in the st te t en c u s ip the middle of the et a l r with th q pf a man o e t ip w i ted to know iii he lawyer t t ie of n em n tt j er y la s t s not allowed to eat d p im j r of a y g j j r fi p in if be e would le pi p of e all t t q t x blade w rs | 48 |
i j u m bloody loi s t people of se all do e r hook een the born with shoulders particulars of his history died one day to his memory way my j i m d j on the de of great beautiful on my chap iv ir professors for their love of a set o on fire and out the pro an joke but not american students very much add ted to burning down reminds me of a od nothing at all to the two societies in the r e and m es little boys students famous aw two at the tavern who had just got allowance of spending out in a supper got and d r for n b r churchyard to grim aw a cow feeding on a grave who knows but the cow may have been eating up the one of my ancestors me melancholy for fifteen and blind bet and opinions minutes man planting wondered how he could plant them so straight method of catching and all whether it would not be a good notion to ring their noses as we do pigs to propose it to the american agricultural society get a perhaps commencement students give a ball and supper company from new york philadelphia and great contest which spoke the best english in their demand for gave the preference to ra on gave them a long on the nature of a goose s students cant dance always set off with the wrong foot foremost s opinion on that subject sir the first man who ever turned out his toes in dancing great favourite with queen on that account sir walter good story about his smoking his descent into new dr miss earthquake at priest v op esq s baron of cardinal pope tom tom and tom the n b students got drank as usual chap v left country finely with sheep and hay saw a man riding alone in a why the deuce didn t the ride in a chair fellow must be a fool particular account of the construction of carts and saw a large flock of concluded there must be a dead horse in the neighbourhood country remarkable for won t let the horses die in anecdote of a jury of stopped to give the horses good looking man came up and asked me if i had seen his wife heavens i thought i how strange it is that this virtuous man should ask me about his wife story of and stage driver took a set down all the people as old house and opinions had moss t n the built in the place than old men s story about that of words h ne not write his own name state of literature in this country philosophical inquiry o why the americans are so inferior to the of and shore ditch and why they do not eat on sundays reflections about any thing r chap vi built above the head of to encourage commerce capital of the state only wants a castle a bay a mountain a a and a to bear a strong resemblance to the bay of court sitting fat chief used to get asleep d the bench after dinner gave judgment i like s wife from his re s learned of e and of esq minded me of justice deciding by a throw of a die and of tbe of the holy bottle attempted to kiss the my ears till they rung like our theatre bell girl had lost one tooth all the american ladies and have bad teeth a s opinion on the matter state fine place to see the jump whether jump up by an impulse of the tail or whether they up from the bottom by the of their noses link of the latter opinion too s nose capital for learnt that at school went to a ball negro principal n b people of america have no but females origin of the phrase fiddle of your reasons why men fiddle better than the women expedient of the who were expert at the bow waiter at the city tavern good story of his nothing to the purpose never mind fill up my book like make it sell saw a get into the stage followed by his dog n b this town remarkable for vol i whim and opinions dogs and ent good story from joe miller to a of butter pensive meditations on a make a book as clear as a whistle op lot lam staff esq no v saturday march from mt elbow chair the following letter of my friend appears to have been written some time subsequent to the one already published were i to judge from its contents i should suppose it was suggested by the splendid review of the twenty fifth of last november when a pair of colours was presented at the city hall to the of and when a huge dinner was devoured by our in the ho remembrance of the of this city i am happy to find that the spirit of military which in our city has attracted the attention of a stranger of s sagacity by military i mean that spirited in the size of a hat the length of a feather and the finery of a sword belt loo whim and opinions letter from rub a to n al the military at the gate | 48 |
of his palace thou hast heard o of the great who could change a blooming land blessed with all the charms of hill and of and grove of fruit and flower into a desert frightful solitary and forlorn who with the wave of his could even the of into grinning and chattering surely thought i to myself this morning the dreadful has been his on these unhappy listen o and wonder last night i committed myself to slumber with all the monotonous tokens of peace and tliis morning i awoke enveloped in the noise the bustle the and the shouts of war every thing was changed as if by magic an immense had sprung up like of esq i of rooms in a night and all the and of the city had mounted the nodding had become in the twinkling of an eye heroes and war worn alarmed at the beating of drums the trumpets and the shouting of the multitude i dressed myself in haste forth and followed a prodigious crowd of people to a place called the battery this is so dated i am told from having once been defended with formidable wooden which in the course of a hard winter were pulled to pieces by an to be distributed for among the poor this was done at the hint of a cunning old engineer who assured them it was the only way in which their would ever be able to keep up a warm fire economy my friend is the watch word of this nation i have been studying for a month past to divine its meaning but truly am as much perplexed as ever it is a kind of national starvation an experiment how many comforts and the body can be de i whim and opinions of before it it has already arrived to a lamentable degree of and promises to share the fate of the philosopher who proved that he could live without food but unfortunately died just as he had brought his experiment to perfection on arriving at the battery i found an immense army of six hundred men drawn up in a true at first i ed this was in compliment to myself but my informed me that it was done merely for want of room ihe not being able to afford them sufficient to display in a straight line as i expected a display of ome grand and military i determined to remain a tranquil spectator in hopes that i might possibly collect some hints which might be of service to his this great body of men i perceived was under the command of a small in yellow and gold with white nodding and most formidable whiskers which contrary to the fashion were in tlie neighbourhood of his ears instead of his nose he of e q io bad two attendants called de camp or tail y being similar to a with two tails the though commander in chief seemed to have little more to do than myself he was a spectator within the lines and i without he was clear x f the and i was by them this was the only difference between us except that he had the best opportunity of showing his clothes i waited an hour or two with pa expecting to see some grand military or a sham battle exhibited but no such thing took place the men stood supporting their arms groaning under the of war and now and then sending out a party to of beer and a which they as i perceived the crowd very active in examining the line from one extreme to the other and as i could see no other purpose for which these sunshine war should be exposed so long to the merciless attacks of wind and weather i of course concluded that this must be the review in about two hours the army was put in io whim and opinions motion and marched through some narrow streets where the had carefully provided a soft carpet of mud to a magnificent castle of painted brick decorated with grand pillars of pine boards by the which brightened in each countenance i soon perceived that this castle was to undergo a vigorous attack as the of the castle was perfectly silent and as they had nothing but a straight street through they made with great courage and admirable regularity until within about a hundred feet of the castle a pump opposed a formidable obstacle in their way and put the whole army to a the circumstance was sudden and for the commanding officer ran over all the military with which his was crammed but none offered any expedient for the present awful emergency tlie pump maintained its post and so did the commander there was no knowing which was most at a stand the commanding officer ordered his men to wheel and lake it in flank the army accordingly wheeled and came full butt against it in the rear exactly as of esq they were before wheel to the left cried the officer they did so and again as before the pump their pro right about face cried the officer the men obeyed but they faced back to back upon this the with two tails with great coolness ordered his men to push right forward pump or no pump they gallantly obeyed after unheard of acts of bravery the pump was carried without the loss of a man and the army firmly itself under the very walls of the castle the had then a council of war with his officers the most vigorous measures were resolved on an advance guard of were ordered to attack the castle without mercy then the whole band opened a tremendous battery of drums and trumpets and kept up a thundering assault as if the castle l ke the walls of spoken of in | 48 |
the would tumble down at the blowing of horns after some time a ensued the grand of the city appeared on the of the castle and as far as i could to whim and opinions understand from circumstances dared the little of two tails to single combat was in the style of ancient chivalry the little dismounted with great and ascended the of the castle where the great waited to receive him attended by numerous and of his court one of whom bore the of the castle the battle was carried on entirely by words according to the universal custom of this country of which i shall speak to thee more fully hereafter the grand made a furious attack in a speech of considerable the little by no means appalled retorted with great spirit the grand attempted to bim up with an argument or him with a solid fact but the little them both with admirable and run him lean through and through with a the grand was the of the castle yielded up to the little and the castle surrendered after a vigorous defence of three hours during which the suffered great extremity of esq i from muddy streets and a sphere on returning to dinner i soon discovered that as usual i had been indulging in a great mistake the matter was all clearly explained to me by a fellow who on ordinary occasions moves in the humble character of a tailor but in the present instance figured in a high military station he informed me that what i had mistaken for a c i was the splendid palace of the and that the supposed attack was nothing more than the delivery of a flag given by the authorities to the army for its defence of the town or upwards of twenty years past that is ever since the last war o my friend surely every thing in this country is on a great scale the conversation turned upon the military establishment of the nation and i do assure thee that my friend the tailor though being according to the national proverb but the ninth part of a man yet himself on military concerns as as the grand of the himself he observed that their rulers whim and opinions had decided that wars were very useless and expensive and ill an philosophic nation they had therefore made up their minds never to have any wars and consequently there was no need of soldiers or military discipline as however it was thought highly ornamental to a city to have a number of men in fine clothes and feathers about the streets on a holiday and as the women and children were particularly fond of such shows it was ordered that the of the different cities throughout the empire should forthwith go to work and cut out and manufacture soldiers as fast as their and needles would permit these soldiers have no ry pay and their only for the immense services which they render their country in their voluntary is the plunder of smiles and and which they from the ladies as they have no opportunity like the of making on their neighbours and as it is necessary to keep up their military spirit the town is therefore now and then but particularly on two days of the of esq i year given up to their the arrangements are contrived with admirable address so that every officer from the down to the drum major the chief of the or shall have his share of that invaluable the admiration of the fair as to the soldiers poor animals they like the in all great armies have to bear the of danger and fatigue while the officers receive all the glory and reward the narrative of a parade day will this more clearly the chief in the of his authority orders a grand review of the whole army at two o clock the with two tails that he may have an opportunity of about as the greatest man on the field orders the army to at twelve the or colonel as he is called that is commander of one hundred and twenty men his regiment or tribe to collect one mile at least from the place of parade at eleven each captain or i as we term them commands his to meet at ten at least a half mile from the parade and to close i lo whim and opinions all the chief of the orders his infernal of trumpets and drums to at ten from that moment the city receives no quarter all is noise and every window door crack and hole from the garret to the cellar is crowded with the fair of all ages and of all the mistress smiles through the windows of the drawing room the out of the and a host of roll their white eyes and grin and chatter from the cellar door every seems anxious to yield voluntarily that tribute which the heroes of their country demand first the chief or drum major at the head of his band arrayed in scarlet alexander himself could not have the earth more a host of ragged boys shout in his train and the bosom of the warrior with self complacency after he has rattled his drums through the town and swelled and like a turkey cock before all the dingy and and and of his acquaintance he re of la esq i pairs to his place af destination loaded with a rich of smiles and approbation next comes the fa rag or captain at the head of his mighty band consisting of one lieutenant one or mute four four one one and if he has any so much the better for himself in marching to the parade he is sure to pa s through the street or lane which is honoured with the residence of his mistress or intended whom he | 48 |
of all my acquaintance is the least calculated and disposed for the society of ladies not that he their company on the like every man of and he is a professed admirer of the sex and had he been born a poet would undoubtedly have and be some hard named goddess until she became as famous as s or s but will is such a confounded at a bow has so many odd bachelor habits and finds it o troublesome to be gallant that he generally prefers smoking his cigar and telling his story among of his own and thundering long stories they are let me tell you set will once a going about china or grim or the and heaven help the poor victim who has to endure his he might better be tied to the tail oc a jack o in one word will talks like a traveller being well acquainted with his character i was the more alarmed at his inclination to visit a party since he has often il and opinions assured me that he it as equivalent to being shut up for three hours in a i even wondered how he had received an invitation this he soon accounted for it seems will on his last arrival from had made a present of a case of te to a lady for whom he had entertained a kindness when at grammar school and she in return had invited him to come and drink some of it a cheap way enough of paying off little obligations i readily to proposition expecting much entertainment from his eccentric remarks and as he has been absent some few years i anticipated his surprise at the splendour and elegance of a modern on calling for will in the evening found him full dressed waiting for me i contemplated him with absolute dismay as he still retained a spark of regard for the lady once reigned in his affections he had been at unusual pains in his person and broke upon my sight arrayed in the true style that prevailed among our some years op esq ago his hair was turned up and at the top out at the ears a profusion of powder puffed over the whole and a long club swung gracefully from shoulder to shoulder describing a pleasing semi circle of powder and his coloured coat was decorated with a profusion of gilt buttons and reached to his his white small clothes were so tight that he seemed to have grown up in them and his ponderous legs which are the part of his body were beautifully clothed in sky blue silk stockings once considered so becoming but above all he himself upon his waistcoat of china silk which might almost have served a good for a and he boasted that the roses and upon it were the work o daughter of the chin chin who had fallen in love with the graces of his person and sent it to him as a parting present he assured me she was a perfect beauty with sweet of eyes and a foot no larger than the thumb of an he then dilated most co i whim and opinions on bis silver which he assured me was quite the rage among the dashing young of i hold it an ill natured office to put any man out of conceit with himself so though i would willingly have made a little alteration in my friend s picturesque yet i politely him on his appearance on entering the room i kept a good on will expecting to him exhibit signs of surprise but he is one of those knowing fellows who are never surprised at any thing or at least will n v f acknowledge it he took his stand in the middle of the floor playing with his great steel watch chain and looking round on the company the furniture and the pictures with the air of a man who had seen d finer things in his time v and to my utter confusion and dismay i saw him coolly pull out his old tobacco box ornamented with a bottle a pipe and a motto and help himself to a in face of all the company i knew it was all in vain to find fault with a of esq fellow of will s turn who is never to be put out of humour with himself so after he had given his box its rap and returned it to his pocket i drew him into a comer where we might observe the company without being prominent objects ourselves and pray who is that figure said will who away in red like a and who seems wrapped in flames like a fiery that cried i is miss she is the highest flash of the ton has much whim and more and has reduced many an unhappy gentleman to stupidity by her charms you see she holds out the red flag in token of no quarter then keep me safe out of the sphere of her attractions cried will i would not e en come in contact with her train lest it should like the tail of a but who i beg of you is that amiable youth who is handing along a young lady and at the same time contemplating his sweet person in a mirror as he passes his name said i is he is a universal and would travel from dan to and smile on every vol whim and opinions body as he passed is a to the ladies r a hero and is at the and the pigeon a fiddle stick is his idol and a dance his a very pretty young gentleman truly cried ft he reminds me of a contemporary at you must know that gave a great ball | 48 |
to his court one fine summer s evening and i were great hand and glove one of the most great men i ever knew such a display of black and yellow beauties such a show of handkerchiefs red beads tails and feathers it was as here who should wear the highest top knot drag the longest tail or exhibit variety of colours and in the middle of the when all was and perfume who should enter but the yellow beauties blushed blue and the black ones blushed as red as they could with pleasure and there was a universal agitation of ao h every eye brightened and to sea for he was the of the staff esq court the court the or of fashion the adoration of all the fair ones of such of nose such of lip his had the true is face in dancing shone like a bottle and provided you kept to of him in summer i do not know a sweeter youth in all than when he laughed there appealed from ear to ear a de of teeth that the s in whiteness he could whistle like a play on a three fiddle like and as to dancing no long island negro could you double trouble or com and dig potatoes more in short he was a second and the dusky of one and a declared him a walked about whistling to himself without regarding any body and his was irresistible i found will had got neck and heels into one of his traveller s stories and there is no knowing how far he would have run his pa between and whim and opinions had not the music struck up from an adjoining apartment and summoned the company to the dance the sound seemed to have an inspiring effect on honest will and he procured the hand of an old acquaintance for a it happened to be the fashionable one of the devil among the which is so demanded at every ball and assembly and many a torn gown and many an unfortunate toe did the dancing of that night for will thundered down the dance like a coach and six sometimes right sometimes wrong now running over half a score of little and now making sad into ladies and tails s every part of will s body partook of the exertion he shook from his head such volumes of powder that like pious on the first interview with queen he might be said to have been enveloped in a cloud nor was will s partner an insignificant figure in the scene she was a young lady of most proportions that quivered at every and being up in the style with stay of esq i and looked like an apple tied in the middle or taking h r flaming dress into consideration like a bed and ed up in a suit of red curtains the dance finished i would gladly have taken will off but no he was now in one of his happy moods and there was no doing any thing with him he insisted on my introducing him to miss sparkle a young lady for playful wit and innocent vivacity and who hke a brilliant adds lustre to the front of fashion i accordingly presented him to her and began a conversation in which i thought he might take a share hut no such thing will took his stand before her like a with his hands in his pockets and an air of the most profound attention nor did he pretend to open his lips for some time until upon some lively sally of hers he the whole company with a most intolerable burst of laughter what was to be done with such an fellow to add to my distress the first word he spoke was to tell miss sparkle that something she said reminded him of a circumstance whim and opinions that happened to him in china and at it he went in the true described the chinese mode of eating rice with entered into a long on the qualities of boiled birds nests and i made my escape at the very moment when he was on the point of down on the floor to show how the little chinese sit cross legged of esq no march from my elbow chair thb ti of which i have made frequent is of great antiquity if there be any truth in the tree which hangs up in my cousin s library they their descent from a ted roman knight cousin to the of his majesty of britain who left his native country on of some disgust and coming into wales a great favourite of prince and accompanied that famous in the which ended in the discovery of this though a member of the family i have sometimes to the of this portion of their annals to the great vexation of cousin who is looked up to a the head of our house and who though as as a bishop would sooner give up the whole than off a single limb of the family tree whim and opinions time it has been the rule for the to many one of their own name and as they always bred like the family has increased and multiplied like that of adam and eve in truth their number is almost incredible and you can hardly go into any part of the without starting a of genuine every person of the least observation or experience must have observed that where this practice of marrying cousins and second cousins in a family every member in the course of a few generations becomes queer and original as much distinguished from the common race of as if he w re of a different species this has happen ed in our family and particularly | 48 |
and every storm is sure to make a day s work for the carpenter who upon it as regularly as the family physician this for every thing that has been long in th family shows itself in every particular the all grown grey in the service of our house we have a little old negro who has lived through two or three generations of the and of course has become a personage of no little importance in the household he calls all the family by their christian names tells long stories about how he them on his knee when they were children and is a complete chronicle for the last seventy years the family carriage was made in the last french war and the old horses were most in s ark resembling in gravity of those of lot esq l animals may be seen any day of the year in the streets of philadelphia u th ir s a dozen in a row and their bells whim ar the inheritance of the and every member of the household is a from the master down to the footman the very cats and dogs are and we hav a little scoundrel of a cur who whenever the church bells ring will run to the street door turn up his nose in the wind and howl most that this is owing a peculiar delicacy in the organization of his ears and his position by many learned arguments which nobody can understand but i am of opinion that it is a mere whim which the little cur being descended from a race of dogs which has flourished in the family ever since the time of my grandfather a to save every thing that bears the stamp of family antiquity has accumulated aa abundance of and rubbish with which the house is from the cellar to th garret and every room and i whim and opinions set and corner is crammed with three legged chairs without hands swords without cocked hats broken and looking glasses with frames carved into fantastic shapes of sheep birds and other animals that have no name except in books of the ponderous mahogany chairs in the ur are of such proportions that it is quite a serious undertaking to gallant one of them across the room and sometimes make a most noise when you sit down in a hurry the mantel piece is decorated with little some of which are without toes and others without noses and the fire place is out with dutch exhibiting a great of scripture pieces which my good old soul of a cousin takes infinite delight in explaining poor hates them as he does poison for while a he was obliged by his mother to learn the history of a tile every sunday morning before she would permit him to join his this was a terrible affair for who by the time he had learned the last had forgotten the or l esq j first aiid was obliged to begin again he assured me tbe other with a k college oath that if the om house st od out till he inherited it he would have these taken out and ground into powder for the perfect hatred he bore them my cousin unlimited authority in the mansion of his forefathers he is truly what may be termed a hearty old blade has a countenance and if you will only praise his wine and laugh at his long st himself and his house are heartily at your service the first condition is indeed easily complied with for to tell the his wine is excellent but his stories not of the best and often repeated are iq t to create a disposition to being in addition to their other qualities most long his is the more to me since i have all his stories by heart and when he enters upon one it reminds me of where the traveller sees the end at the distance of several miles to the great misfortune of all his acquaintance cousin is blessed with a most pro whim and opinions memory and can give day and date and name and age and with most precision these however are but trivial forgotten or remembered only with a kind of tender respectful pity by those who know with what a rich harvest of kindness and generosity his heart is stored it would delight you to see with what social gladness he a visitor into his house and the poorest man that enters his door never leaves it without a cordial invitation to sit down and drink a glass of wine by the honest farmers round his country seat he is looked up to with love and reverence they never pass him by without his after the welfare of their families and receiving a cordial shake of his liberal hand there are but two classes of people who are thrown out of the reach of his hospitality and these are and the old gentleman considers it treason against the majesty of good breeding to speak to any visitor with his hat on but the moment a enters his door he forthwith bids his man bring his hat puts it on bis i of esq is and him with an appalling well sir what do you want with me he has a profound contempt for and firmly believes that tliey eat nothing but and soup in their own country this unlucky prejudice is partly owing to my great aunt been many years ago run away with by a french count who turned out to be the son pf a generation of and partly to a little vivid spark of which burns in a secret corner of his heart he was a loyal subject of the crown has hardly yet recovered the shock of independence and though he does not care to own it always does honour to | 48 |
his majesty s birth day by inviting a few like himself to dinner and his table with more than ordinary if by chance the revolution is mentioned before him my cousin shakes his head and you may see if you take good note a lurking smile of contempt in the corner of his eye which marks a decided of the sound he once in the fulness of his heart observed to me that green peas were a month later than they o and opinions were under the old government but the most eccentric of loyalty he ever gave was making a voyage to for no other reason under heaven hut to hear his majesty prayed for in church as he used to be here this he never could be brought fairly to acknowledge but it is a certain fact i assure yon it is not a little singular that a person so much given to long story telling as my cousin should take a liking to another of the same character but so it is with the old gentleman his prime favourite and companion is will who is almost a member of the family and will sit before the fire and w his and spin away tremendous long stories of his travels for a whole evening to the great delight of e old gentleman and lady and especially of the young ladies who like do seriously incline and listen to him with innumerable o m is it and who look upon him as a second the sailor the miss whose pardon i for not having particularly introduced them before are a pair of who of esq and locked up the pass for just what age they please to plead guilty to the eldest has long since resigned the character of a and adopted that staid sober snuff taking air her years and discretion she is a good natured soul whom i never saw in a passion once and that was occasioned by seeing an old favourite beau of hers kiss the hand of a pretty blooming girl and in truth she only got angry because as she very properly said it was the child her sister or as she is familiarly termed seemed disposed to maintain her post as a a few months since when accidentally hearing a gentleman observe that she broke very fast she suddenly left off going to the assembly took a cat into high your and began to rail at the forward of young from that moment i set her down for an old maid and so she is c by the hand of my body the young ladies are still visited by some half dozen of who grew and flourished in the ton when the miss were quite whim and opinions but have been rather by the hand of time who to say the truth can do almost any thing but make people young they are notwithstanding still warm for female favour look tender and repeat over and over the same speeches and sentiments to the little that they poured so into the ears of their mothers i beg leave here to give notice that by this sketch i mean no reflection on old on the contrary i hold that next to a fine lady the ne an old bachelor is the most charming being upon earth inasmuch as by living in single he of course does just as he pleases and if he has any genius must acquire a plentiful stock of and and habits without which i esteem a man to be mere beef without good for nothing at all but to run on errands for ladies take boxes at the theatre and act the part of a screen at tea parties or a in the streets i merely speak of those old boys who public walks upon ladies from every comer of the street and of esq worry and and and before behind and round about the fashionable like old in a pasture striving to supply the absence of youthful whim and by and and artificial vivacity i have sometimes seen one of these a reverend youths endeavouring to his wintry passions into something like love by in the sunshine of beauty and it did remind me of a attempting to fly through a pane of glass towards a without ever approaching near enough to warm itself or its wings never i firmly believe did exist a family that went more by than the every thing is governed by whim and if one member starts a new away all the rest follow on like wild in a string as the family the servants the horses cats and dogs have all grown old together they have themselves to each other s habits completely and though every body of them is full of odd points angles and ins and yet somehow or other they together like so whim and opinions straight lines and it is truly a grateful and refreshing sight to see them agree so well should one however get out of tune it is like a cracked fiddle the whole concert is you perceive a cloud over every brow in the house and even the old chairs seem to if my cousin as he is rather apt to do betray any symptoms of vexation or uneasiness no matter about what he is worried to death with inquiries which answer no other end but to the good will of the and put him in a passion for every body knows how provoking it is to be cut short in a fit of the by an impertinent question about what is the matter when a man can t tell himself i remember a few months ago the old gentleman came home in quite a kicked poor caesar the out of his way as he came through the hall threw his | 48 |
hat on the fable with most violent emphasis and pulling out his box took three huge of snuff and threw a fourth into the cat s eyes as he sat his astonishment by the fire side this was enough to set the body going of staff esq rs began my it as fast as could move the young ladies took eh a stand at an elbow of his chair y in rear the servants came in the put up an inquiring e and even after he had whiskers and finished signs of sympathy after most affectionate inquiries on all sides turned out that my cousin in crossing the had got his silk stockings ith mud by a coach which it seems to a dashing gentleman who had formerly applied the family with hot rolls and mrs thereupon turned up her yes and the young ladies their noses and would have a whole congregation hear the conversation which took place the insolence of and the of would be gentlemen and ladies ho strive to from low life by dash about in carriages to pay a visit two ff giving parties to people who laugh at hem and cutting all their old friends vol i whim and opinions by william esq i went a since to the theatre accompanied by my friend the who is a man deeply read in the history of and blue beard and all those works so necessary to enable a man to understand the modem drama is one of those intolerable fellows who will never be pleased with any thing until he has turned and twisted it divers ways to see if it with his notions of and as he is none of the in bis he will sometimes come out with his approbation when every body else has forgotten the cause which excited it is moreover a great critic for he finds fault with every thing this being what i understand by modem criticism he however is pleased to acknowledge that our theatre all things considered and really thinks one of our best actors the play was and to speak my mind of e q freely i think i have seen it performed much worse in my time the actors i firmly did their best and whenever this is the case no man has a right to find fault with them in my opinion little the of the philadelphia theatre looked as big as and what he wanted in size he made up in frowning i like frowning in tragedy and if a man but keeps his forehead in proper talks big and takes long strides on the stage i always set him down as a great and so does my friend before the first act was over began to flourish his critical wooden sword like a he first found fault with for not made himself as black as a negro for said he that was an black appears from several of the play as for instance thick lips bosom and a variety of others i am q inclined to think continued he a that was an egyptian by birth from the of the handkerchief given to his mother by a native of that country and if so he was as black as my hat for i whim and opinions has told us that the had flat noses and hair a clear proof that they were all he did not confine his to this single error of the actor but went on to run him down in in this he was by a who proved by a string of most eloquent logical that was unquestionably in every respect a better actor than i knew it was vain to contend with him since i recollected a most obstinate trial of skill these two great had last spring in philadelphia his blood stained dagger at the theatre flourished his snuff box and shook his wig at the and the unfortunate were a long time at a loss to decide which deserved the palm the were inclined to give it to because his name was the most fruitful in but then on the other side it was that was the best greek scholar scarcely was the town of in a greater about the courteous stranger s nose and it was well that the doctors of the university did not get into the dispute else it might have become a of esq battle of at length after much argument had been expended on both sides recourse was had to s and a carpenter s rule the rival were both measured by one of their most steady handed critics and by the most exact it was proved that mr was the greater actor by three inches and a quarter since this demonstration of his inferiority has never been able to hold up his head in philadelphia in order to change a conversation in which my suffered so much i made some inquiries of the concerning the two heroes of his theatre wood and but i had scarcely mentioned their names when he threw a whole handful of in my face twas like a bowl of cold water i turned on my heel had recourse to my snuff box and said no more about wood and nor will i ever more if i can help it mention their names in the presence of a would that they could leave off for i love every soul of them with a cordial affection warm as their own o whim and opinions generous hearts and boundless as their during the performance i kept an eye on the countenance of my friend the because having come all the way firom england and having seen i thought his might serve as a kind of to direct my of applause or i might as well have looked at the back of his head for i could not | 48 |
always chose to thunder down on his seat of honour whenever he received a mortal wound being a man of ponderous dimensions this had a i whim and opinions most effect for the whole theatre shook like at the nod of jove the was immediately inspired with a and swore that must he great in a dying scene since he knew how to make the most of his latter end it is the cry of stage critics that an actor does not perform the character naturally if by chance he happens not to die exactly as they would have him i think the exhibition of a play at would suit them exactly and i wish with all my heart they would go there and see one nature is there with the most scrupulous in every trifling particular here an unhappy lady or gentleman who happens to be poisoned or is left on the stage to and groan and make faces at the audience until the poet pleases they should die while the honest folks of the bless their hearts all crowd round and yield assistance by crying and most the audience tender souls out pocket handkerchiefs wipe their eyes blow their noses and swear it is natural as life of esq while the poor actor is left to die without common comfort in china on the contrary the first thing they do is to run for the doctor and or the audience are entertained throughout the fifth act with a learned consultation of and if the patient must die he does it and always is allowed time to make his will the celebrated was the hand i ever saw at killing himself he always carried under his robe a of bull s blood which when he gave the mortal out to the infinite delight of the audience that the ladies of china are more fond of the sight of blood than those of our country on the contrary they are remarkably sensitive in this particular and we are told that the beautiful one of the ladies of the emperor s once away on seeing a favourite slave s nose since which time refinement has been carried to such a pitch that a hero is not allowed to run himself through the body in the face of the audience the immortal in to this absurd pre whim and opinions whenever he plays the part of which is reckoned his master piece always keeps a bold front himself behind and is dead before any body that he has given the mortal blow p s t just as this was going to press i was informed by that had not been performed here the lord knows when no matter i am not the first that has a play without seeing it and this will answer for the last performance even though that were a dozen years since of esq l g no tn april letter from rub a to principal slave driver to his the of i promised in a former letter good tliat i would furnish thee with a few hints respecting the nature of the government by which i am held in though my inquiries for that purpose have been industrious yet i am not perfectly satisfied with their results for thou easily imagine that the vision of a captive is by the mists of illusion and prejudice and the horizon of his speculations must be limited indeed i find that the people of this country are strangely at a loss to determine the nature of their government even their are extremely in the dark as to this particular and are indulging in the most preposterous l o whim and opinions on the subject some have insisted that it of an aristocracy others maintain that it is a pure and a third set of declare that it is nothing more nor less than a the latter i must confess though still wide in error have come nearest to the truth you of course must understand the meaning of these different words as they are derived from the ancient greek language and loudly the verbal poverty of these poor who cannot utter a learned phrase without laying the dead under contribution a man my dear who talks good sense in his native tongue is held in tolerable estimation in this country but a fool who clothes his feeble ideas in a foreign or antique garb is bowed down to as a literary while i con with these people in plain english i was but little attended to but the moment i away in greek every one looked up to me with veneration as an although the differ widely in the particulars above mentioned yet they all agree in government one of the most of esq l l pacific in the known i cannot help pitying their ignorance and smiling at times to see into what ridiculous enters those nations will wander who are hy the of our divine prophet and hy the five hundred and forty nine books of wisdom of the immortal al to call this nation pacific i most preposterous i it reminds me tf the title assumed by the of that tribe of wild that desolate the valleys of who himself star of courtesy beam of the mercy seat the simple truth of the matter is that these people are totally ignorant of their own true character for according to the best of my observation they are the most warlike and i must say the most savage nation that i have as yet discovered among all the they are not only at war in their own way with almost every nation on earth but they are at the same time engaged in the most complicated knot of civil wars that ever any poor unhappy country on which has his whim and opinions to let at once into a secret which is unknown to | 48 |
these people themselves their government is a pure or government of words the whole nation does every thing or by word of mouth and in this manner is one of the most military nations in existence who has what is here called the gift of the that is a plentiful stock of becomes a soldier outright and is for ever in a state the country is entirely defended vi et that is to say by force of tongues the account which i lately wrote to our friend the respecting the immense army six hundred men makes nothing against this observation that formidable body being kept up as i have already observed only to amuse their fair by their splendid and nodding and they are by way of distinction the of the a thou must know there is little or no occasion for fire arms or any such destructive weapons v every offensive or measure is enforced hy battle of esq r and paper war he who has the longest tongue or is sure to gain the victory will carry horror abuse and into the very of the enemy and without mercy or remorse put men women and children to the point of the pen there is still preserved in this country some remains of that spirit of knight which so much annoyed the faithful in the middle ages of the as notwithstanding their martial disposition they are a people much given to commerce and and must necessarily at certain seasons he engaged in these they have themselves by knights or constant warriors similar to those who in former ages swore eternal enmity to the followers of our divine prophet these knights or are appointed in every town village and district to carry on both foreign and internal warfare and may be said to keep up a constant firing in words o my friend could you but the sometimes committed by these tremendous your l whim and opinions very would rise with horror and astonishment i have seen them extend their even into the of their and the very cook with a blast and i do assure thee i beheld one of these warriors attack a most venerable and at one stroke of his pen lay him open from the of his breeches to hie chin there has been a civil war carrying on with great violence for some time past in consequence of a conspiracy among the higher classes to his the present and place another in his stead i was mistaken when i formerly asserted to thee that this arose from bis wearing red breeches it is true the nation have long held that colour in great in consequence of a dispute they had some twenty years since with the ns of the british islands the colour is again rising into favour as the ladies have transferred it to their heads from the s body the true reason i am told is that the absolutely refuses to believe in the and ia of esq th of s ass maintaining that this animal was never yet permitted to talk except ia a it is true his may often be heard and is listened to with as a the of the sovereign people nay so far did he carry his obstinacy that he absolutely invited a professed from the empire who the whole country with his ind his nose this was enough to set the nation in a blaze every resorted to his tongue or his pen and for seven years have they carried on a most war in which volumes of words have been expended of ink have been shed nor has any mercy been shown to age or condition every day have these furious attacks on each other and upon their respective their heavy consisting of large sheets loaded with scoundrel villain liar i rascal i a gentle reproof directed against mr for the he committed in to america and openly him hit protection li t and opinions and i do swear by my beard though i know thou wilt scarcely credit me that in some of the grand himself has been yea most and yet have these talking without the every now and then a has a longer head or rather a longer than the rest will his piece and discharge a shot quite across the ocean at the head of the emperor of france the king of england or thou believe it o even at his sublime the of i these long pieces are loaded with single ball or as tyrant robber tiger monster and thou well suppose they occasion great distress and dismay in the of the enemy and are to the crowned heads at which they are directed the though perhaps the mere champion of a village having fired off his shot about with great self at the prodigious bustle he must have of staff esq and seems to ask of every stranger well sir what do they think of me in europe this is sufficient to show you the in which these bloody or rather windy fellows fight it is the only mode in a or government of words i would also observe that the civil wars have a thousand while the airy of the battle in the metropolis every little town and village has a distinct growing like out of the grand national or rather note by w esq i tke sage when lie wrote the above paragraph hid probably in hit eye the following related by called joe miller of memory the captain of a on his first on the coast guinea observed under a palm tree a chief sitting most on a stump while two women with wooden were his favourite of boiled rice which as his imperial majesty was a little greedy would part of it escape the place of destination and run | 48 |
down his chin the watchful attendants were particularly careful to these and return them to their proper port of entry as the captain in order to admire this curious exhibition of the great chief his hands to hit sides and his visitor with the following question well sir i what da they say of me in england l whim and opinions within it like those complicated pieces of where there is a wheel within a wheel but in nothing is the nature of this more evident than in its grand national or where the laws are framed this is a windy assembly where every thing is carried by noise tumult and debate for thou must know that the members of this assembly do not meet together to find wisdom in the multitude of but to call each other hard names and hear themselves talk when the opens the first sends them a long message t e a huge mass of words et all meaning nothing because it only tells them what they perfectly know already then the whole assembly are thrown into a and have a long talk about the quantity of words that are to be returned in answer to this message and here arise many about the and alteration of if so be s and s v a month perhaps is spent in thus the precise number of words the i of esq answer shall contain and then another most probably in concluding whether it shall be carried to the on foot on horseback or in having settled this matter they next fall to work upon the message itself and hold as much chattering over it as so many over an egg this done they divide the message into small portions and deliver them into the hands of little of called these have each a world of talking about their respective and return die results to the grand which forthwith to and re talks the matter over more earnestly than ever now after all it is an even chance that the subject of this prodigious arguing quarrelling and talking is an affair of no importance and ends entirely in smoke may it not then be said the whole nation have been talking to no purpose the people in seem to be somewhat conscious of this to talk by which they are and have a favourite proverb on the subject all talk and no this is particularly applied when their or vol i l o whim and opinions assembly of all the sage of the ua lion have through a whole in a of great peril and event and have done length c their tongues and the unhappy nation thus torn to pieces by in talks never i fear will it be to tranquillity and silence words are bu breath but air and air put into mo tion is nothing but wind this vast empire therefore may be compared to nothing nor less than a mighty and the and the and the ers are the breezes that put it in motion however they are apt to blow ways and their each other the mill is perplexed the wheel stand still the is and the and his family starved every thing of the windy of the government in case of any grievance or an insult from a foreign foe th people are all in a town meetings ar immediately held where the of th of esq city repair each with the cares of the whole nation upon hi shoulders each resolutely ent upon saving his country and each swelling and like a turkey cock puffed up with words and wind and wisdom after bustling and and for some and after each man shown himself to be the greatest personage in the meeting they pass a string of resolutions z e words which were previously prepared for the purpose these resolutions are the sense of the meet v and are sent off for the instruction of the i who receives them graciously puts them into his red breeches pocket forgets to read them and so the matter ends as to his the present who is at the very top of the never was a better qualified for his station he is a man of and to nothing but a huge of wind he talks of all opposition by the force of reason and philosophy throws his at all the nations of the earth and and opinions them to meet him on the field of argument is the national dignity insulted a case in which his of would immediately call forth his forces the of america a speech does a foreign the commerce in the very mouth of the au insult which would induce his of to order out his his of america a speech are the free citizens of america dragged from on board the vessels of their country and forcibly detained in the war ships of another power his a speech is a citizen killed by the of a foreign power on the very shores of his country his a speech does an alarming break out in a distant part of the empire his a speech nay more for here he shows his energies he most a on horseback and orders him to ride one hundred and twenty miles with a most formidable army of i c a collection of words packed up of esq i j i in his saddle bags he is instructed to show no nor affection but to charge the ranks of the enemy and to and by words the conspiracy and the out of existence heavens my friend what a deal of is hero it reminds me of a cock in a farm yard who having accidentally in his found a worm | 48 |
immediately begins a most calls around him his companions who run chattering from all quarters to up the poor little worm that happened to turn under his eye oh on what a prodigious great scale is every thing in this country thus then i conclude my observations the nations have each a separate characteristic trait by which they may be distinguished from each other the for instance may be said to sleep upon every affair of importance the to fiddle upon every thing the french to dance upon every thing the to smoke upon every thing the british to eat upon i whim and opinions everything and the windy of the american to talk upon every thing ever thine from the mill of esq how oft in musing mood my heart from grey beard father time s ol halls the and of ray early day long in those dark recesses d away more to the cheerful of light those fashions long since lost in night and makes like s witch once more to rise my to my eyes shades of my fathers in your skirts your d and your shirts your formal bag extended your five inch and nine inch gods how ye at times in all your state amid the visions of my thoughtful i see ye move the solemn o er tile modest foot scarce rising from the floor no thundering with boisterous no pigeon wing disturb your but silent as the gentle s tide the ye peaceful glide of lor esq i still in my eye each dame appears each modest beauty of departed years close by mamma i see her stately march or sit in all the majesty of when for the dance a er seeks her band i see her doubting hesitating stand yield to his claim with most fastidious grace an d sigh for her intended in his place ah golden days when every gentle fair on sacred sabbath d with pious care her holy bible or her prayer book o er or studied honest s drowsy lore d with him the pilgrim s progress through and storm d the famous town of man soul too beat eye and ear gate up with thundering jar and fought through the holy war or if perchance to lighter works inclined they sought with novels to the mind twas s politely al page or or were the rage no plays were were unknown a learn pig a dancing monkey shown the of punch a cunning were sure to fill each bosom with delight an simple race we were yet by fashion s glare our manners devoid of we knew not then the modern monster style whim and opinions style that with pride each empty bosom boys to manhood little to scarce from the nursery freed fair are yielded to the dancing master s care and ere the head one of sense can gain are introduced mid folly s train a stranger s grasp no longer gives our fair surrender io their very arms and in the swim and and whirl and tenderly divine oh how i hate this loving dance this of germany brought up in france nor can i see a niece its trace but all the honest blood in my face sad sad refinement this ii i often say tis modesty indeed refined away u let france its whim its sparkling wit supply the easy grace that the eye but curse their their loose arts w that smooth our manners to corrupt our hearts where now those books from which in days of our mothers gain d their literary store alas stiff skirted gives place to novels of a n w and race and honest s pious dreaming lines now for soft verse and last of all behold the stage morals lend to polish off the age of esq i with farce a comedy d d with cant and bald with most and a store of jokes to catch a roar or see more fatal with every art to charm and the female heart the false the gallant gay smiles and loudly his base in glowing colours s wrongs and with scenes the tale when his fascinating powers decks vice itself in bright flowers pleased with his manly grace his youthful fire our fair are the villain to admire while virtue like a horse and in honest ah day when trials thus combined iii pleasing garb the female mind when every smooth is spread to sap the morals and the head not and to prove their faith and virtue here below more an angel s helping hand require to guide their steps the fire where had but heaven its guardian aid denied the holy in the proof had died if then their manly vigour sought supplies from the bright stranger in celestial t and opinions alas can we from natures claim to brave s ordeal free from blame to pass through fire like golden ore though angel bless the earth no more by william esq as many of the retired matron of this city in lore are doubtless ignorant of the movements and figures of this modest exhibition i will endeavour to give some account of it in order that they may learn what odd their daughters sometimes cut when from under their guardian wings on a signal being given by the music the the lady round her waist the lady to be in courtesy very politely takes the gentleman round the neck with one arm resting against his shoulder to prevent away then they go about and about and about about what sir about the room madam to be sure the whole economy of this dance consists in turning round and round the room in a certain measured step and it is astonishing that this | 48 |
continued revolution does not set all their heads swimming like a top but i have been positively assured that it only occasions a gentle sensation which is agreeable in the course of this the dancers in order to gi e the charm of variety are continually changing their relative situations now the gentleman meaning no harm in the of world t yon his arm about the lady s neck with air of celestial impudence and the lady meaning as little harm as the gentleman takes him round the waist with most modest to the great delight of numerous spectators and who generally form a ring as the mob do al out a pair of pulling caps or a couple of fighting after continuing this divine re of hands arms et for half an hour or so the lady begins to tire and with m eyes w in most languor her partner for a little more support this is always given hesitation the lady gently on his shoulder their arms a thousand mischievous curves don t be alarmed madam closer and closer they approach each other and in conclusion the parties being overcome with fatigue the lady seems st sinking into the s arms and then sir what then i madam how should i know my friend and in fact our whole has been accused of an unreasonable hostility to the french nation and i am informed by a correspondent that our first number played the very devil in the court of st cloud his imperial majesty got into a t outrageous passion and being withal a gentleman had nearly kicked his bosom friend our of the cabinet in the of his wrath he insisted upon it that tlie nation was assailed in its most vital part being like extremely sensitive to any attacks the heel when my correspondent sent l o whim and opinions off his it was still in doubt what measures would be adopted but it was strongly suspected that vehement representations would be made to our government willing therefore to save our from any embarrassment on the subject we do assure mr that there is nothing farther from our thoughts than the of the empire or any attack on the interest tranquillity or reputation of the nation at large which we seriously declare possesses the highest rank in our estimation nothing less than the national welfare could have induced us to trouble ourselves with this explanation and in the name of the i once more declare that when we roast a frenchman we merely mean one of those who to this country from the and shops of and played the game of leap at all our balls and set this unhappy town mad and passed themselves off on our tender hearted for unfortunate ruined in the revolution such only can at the lash and accuse us of severity and we should be in the extreme if they did not feel our well intended fair penitent the story of this play if told in its native language would exhibit a scene of guilt and shame which no modest ear could listen to without shrinking with disgust but arrayed as it is in all the splendour of harmonious rich and polished verse it into the heart like some gay luxurious smooth faced villain and it to and vice our very of esq l l sympathy is on the side of guilt and the piety of and the gentleness of are lost in the splendid of the gallant gay w and the hollow repentance of the fair whose sorrow reminds us of that of pope s i mourn the lover not lament the fault nothing is more easy than to banish such plays from our stage were our ladies instead of crowding to see them again and again repeated to their exhibition by absence the stage would soon be indeed the school of morality and the number of fair in all probability l a opinions no viii saturday april i m in all thy whether grave or mellow thou rt such a pleasant fellow hast so much wit aud mirth aud about thee there is no living with or without thee never in the memory of the oldest has there been known a more bad ward spring this is the universal among the and of the day and i have heard it least fifty five times from old mrs who poor woman is one of those walking a that every snow rain or by the shooting of a pain in the bone or an a ugly in the side i do not re collect in the whole course of my life to hav seen the month of march indulge in such un toward and as it ha done this year i might have forgiven had they not completely of esq l s ap my friend i feelings are ever at e mercy of a whose spirits and rise with the of a and to whom an east wind is as as a he was tempted some time since by the of the weather to dress himself with more than ordinary care and take his morning stroll but before he had half finished his he was utterly and driven home by a tremendous of wind hail rain and snow or as he termed it a most congregation of this was too much for the patience of friend he declared he would humour the weather no longer in its whim and according to his custom on these occasions retreated in high to his elbow chair to lie in of the and rail at nature for being so confound the w he frequently n what a pity nature had not been of the instead of the feminine the might then have calculated with some degree of certainty i | 48 |
whim and opinions when himself with the and gives audience to the blue devils from his elbow chair i would not advise any of his friends to come within of his with the benevolent purpose of consolation or amusement for he is then as and as that famous of false money himself indeed his room is at such times inaccessible and old is the only soul that can gain admission or ask a question with the truth is that on these occasions there is not a straw s difference between them for is as and grim and cynical as his master has now been above three weeks in this desolate situation and has therefore had but little to do in our last number as he could not be prevailed on to give any account of himself in our introduction i will take the opportunity of his confinement while his back is turned to give a slight sketch of his character fertile in whim and but rich in many of the sterling qualities of our nature of the antiquity of the family i of esq can say but little except that i have no doubt it equal to that of most families who have the privilege of making their own without the impertinent of a col of my friend is not a man to any thing but i have heard him talk with great complacency of ins sir who was a dashing buck in the days of and broke the head of a gigantic at a game of staff in presence of the whole court in memory of this gallant sir was permitted to take the name of and to assume as a crest to his arms a hand grasping a it is however a so common in this country for people to claim with all the great of their own name in europe that i should put but little faith in this family boast of friend did i know to be a man of most the whole world know s already that my friend is a bachelor for he is or to be exceedingly proud of his personal and takes care to make it known in all whim and opinions poor stood no chance the lady was served up in the poet s corner of every v paper and at length attacked her with a that took up a whole column in which he at least a dozen cardinal virtues together with innumerable others of inferior consideration saw his case vas desperate and that unless he sat down forthwith be and be her to the skies and put every virtue under the sun in he might as well go hang himself and so an nd of the business at it therefore he went and was going on very for in the space of dozen lines he had under her command at least and ten housekeeping virtues when for s reputation as a poet and the lady s as a saint one of those confounded good thoughts struck his laughter loving brain it was irresistible away he went full sweep before the wind cutting and and to death with his own fun the consequence that by the time he had finished never was poor lady so most lam of esq since came into fashion but this was not half so was pleased with this of his wits that nothing would do but he must show it to the lady who as well she might be was offended and forbade him her presence my friend was in despair but through the interference of his generous rival was permitted to make his apology which turned out worse than the original offence for though he had studied an eloquent compliment yet as ill luck would have it a preposterous whim knocked at his and inspired him to say some good things which all put together amounted to a downright and provoked the lady s wrath to such a degree that sentence of eternal was against him was and determined in the true style of novel to make the tour of europe and endeavour to lose the recollection of this misfortune amongst the of france and the classic charms of italy he accordingly took passage in a vessel and pursued his voyage as far as i go whim and opinions sandy hook where he was seized with a violent fit of sea sickness at which he was so that he put his into the first pilot boat and returned to town completely cured of his love and his rage for travelling i pass over the subsequent of my friend being but little acquainted with them for as i have already mentioned he never was known to make a of any body he always affirmed a man must be a fool to fall in love but an idiot to boast of it ever it the passion lamented that it could not be out of the human heart and yet could no more live without being in love with somebody or other than he could without my friend is a man of excessive of nerve and i am acquainted with no one so susceptible of the petty miseries of human life yet its evils and misfortunes he bears without shrinking and however they may prey in secret on his happiness he never this was strikingly of esq in an affair where his heart was deeply and concerned and in which bis success was ruined by one for whom he had long cherished a warm friendship the circumstance cut poor to the very soul he was not seen in company for afterwards and for a long time he seemed to retire himself and battle with the of his feelings but not a murmur or a reproach was heard to fall from his lips though at the mention of his friend s name a shade of melancholy might be | 48 |
observed stealing across his face and his voice assumed a touching tone that seemed to say he remembered his treachery a more in sorrow than in anger this affair has given a slight tinge of sadness to his disposition which however does not prevent his entering into the amusements of the world the only effect it occasions is that you may occasionally observe him at the end of a lively conversation sink for a few minutes into an apparent forgetfulness of surrounding objects during which time he seems to be indulging in some melancholy whim and opinions inherited from his father a love of literature a disposition for castle building a mortal enmity to noise a sovereign to cold weather and and a plentiful stock of whim from the delicacy of his nerves he is peculiarly sensible to sounds the of a is horrible the noise of children drives him distracted and he once left excellent lodgings merely because the lady of the house wore high shoes in which she up and down stairs till to use his own emphatic expression they made life to him he suffers annual from the edged of our ft spring and solemnly declares that the boasted month of may has become a perfect vagabond as some people have a great to cats and can tell when one is locked up in a closet so declares his feelings always announce to him the neighbourhood of a a household which he above all others nor is there any living animal in the world that he holds in more utter of esq than what is usually termed a notable a being who he is the of good fellowship and has a heavy charge to answer for the many committed against the case comfort and social of sovereign man he told me not long ago that he had rather see one of the sisters flourish through his on a than one of the servant maids enter the door with a my friend is ardent and sincere in his which are confined to a chosen few in whose society he loves to give free scope to his imagination he freely with the world however though more as a spectator than an actor and without an anxiety or hardly a care to please is generally received with welcome and listened to with complacency when he extends his hand it is in a free open liberal style and when you shake it you feel his honest heart throb in its though rather fond of gay he does not appear so frequently at balls and since the of the drum trumpet and vol i whim and opinions all of which he on account of the rude attacks they make on his organs of hearing in short such is his to noise that though exceedingly patriotic yet he every fourth of july to in order to get out of the way of the and confusion which make so considerable apart of the pleasure of that splendid i intend this article as a mere sketch of character his innumerable whim will be exhibited by himself in the course of this work in all their strange varieties and the machinery of his mind more intricate than in the most subtle piece of clock work be fully explained and trust me his are the whim of a courteous gentleman full of most excellent qualities honourable in his disposition independent in his sentiments and of unbounded good nature as may be seen through all his works of esq ig on style bt william esq style a manner of writing title pin of a dial the of plants johnson style is style link now i would not give a straw for either of the above though i think the latter is by far the most satisfactory and i do wish sincerely every modem who takes hold of a subject he knows nothing about would adopt honest s mode of explanation s lectures on this article have not thrown a whit more light on the subject of my inquiries they puzzled me just as much as did the learned and laborious and illustrations of the worthy professor of our college in the middle of which i generally had the ill luck to fall asleep this same word style though but a word to itself more and and than any in the language is entitled to it is an little whim and opinions of a word and full of whim which occasions me to like it but it puzzled me most on my first return from a long residence abroad having crept into fashionable use during my absence and had it not been for friend and that of knowledge the younger i should have remained to this day ignorant of its meaning though it would seem that people of all countries are equally vehement in the pursuit of this phantom style yet in almost all of them there is a strange in opinion as to what its essence and every different class like the pagan nations it under a different form in england for instance an honest up himself his family and his style in a or tim and away on sunday with his fair partner blooming beside him like an eastern bride and two children like chinese images at his feet a requires a chariot and pair an earl must needs have a and four but a duke oh a duke cannot possibly lumber his style along under of esq a coach and six and half a score of into the bargain in china a loads at least three with style and an overgrown sheep at the cape of good hope along his tail and his style on a in egypt or at style consists in the quantity of fur and fine clothes a lady can put on without danger of | 48 |
here it is otherwise and consists in the quantity she can put off without the risk of a chinese lady is thought prodigal of her charms if she the tip of her nose or the ends of her fingers to the ardent gaze of by and i recollect that all was in a in consequence of the great miss peeping out of the window with her face uncovered here the style is to show not only the face but the neck shoulders etc and a lady never to hide them except when she is not at home and not sufficiently to see company this style has ruined the peace and harmony of many a worthy household for no sooner do they set up for style but instantly whim and opinions all the honest old comfortable furniture is discarded and you stalk cautiously about amongst the uncomfortable splendour of chairs egyptian tables turkey carpets and this improvement in furniture demands an increase in the domestic establishment and a family that once required two or three servants for convenience now employ half a dozen for style bell brazen late favourite of my unfortunate friend was one of these patterns of style and whatever she was seized with however preposterous was followed by all who would be considered as admitted in the she was once seized with a whim that the whole court she could not lie down to take an afternoon s but she must have one servant to scratch her head two to her feet and a fourth to fan her person while she the thing took it became the rage and not a in all but what insisted upon being and scratched and in the true imperial of esq style sneer not at this picture my most ex for among you but are daily following fashions equally absurd style according to s account consists in certain fashions or certain or certain manners of certain people in certain situations and possessed of a certain share of fashion or importance a red cloak for instance on the shoulders of an old market woman is regarded with contempt it it is odious fling however its rival a red shawl over the figure of a and let her flame away with it in or in a ball room and it immediately declared to be the style the modes of this certain situation which its to style are various and opposite the most is the f wealth the possession of which changes at once the airs of vulgar ignorance into fashionable ease and elegant vivacity it is highly amusing to observe the of a family to style and the they pursue in order to attain it while beating up against wind whim and opinions and tide they are the most beings in the they keep and as m says until you would suppose them incapable of standing upright they kiss their hands to every body who has the least claim to style their familiarity is intolerable and they absolutely you with their friendship and loving but having once gained the envied pre eminence never were beings in the world more changed they assume the at one time address you with at another pass you by with silent indifference sometimes sit up in their chairs in all the majesty of dignified silence and at another time about with all the ill bred noise of a little just broke loose from a another feature which these new made is the with which they look down upon the honest people who are struggling to climb up to the same envied height they never fail to salute them the most sarcastic reflections and like of esq ao i so many worthy a ladder each one looks down upon his next neighbour below and makes no scruple of shaking the dust off bis shoes into his eyes thus by dint of perseverance merely they come to be considered as established of the great world as in some barbarous nations an shell is of sterling value and a copper washed counter will pass current for genuine gold in no instance have i seen this grasping after style more exhibited than in the family of my old acquaintance i recollect old when i was a boy and he was the most surly i ever knew he was a perfect to the small of the day and inherited the hatred of all these unlucky little for never could we about his door of an evening to play and make a little but out he from his nest like a spider flourished his formidable and dispersed the whole crew in the twinkling of a lamp i perfectly remember a bill he sent in to my father for a pane of glass i had ac whim and opinions broken which came well nigh getting me a sound and i remember as perfectly that the next night i my self by breaking half a dozen was as a worm as ever crawled and the only rules of right and wrong he cared a button for were the rules of and addition which he practised much more successfully than he did any of the rules of or morality he used to declare they were the true golden rules and he took special care to put s in the hands of hi children before they had read ten pages in the bible or the prayer book the practice of these favourite was at length crowned with the harvest of success and after enduring all the pounds shillings and pence miseries of a he had the of seeing himself worth a and of dying as he had determined to the of his days in contemplating his great wealth and his children inherited his money but they ji disposition and every other me p esq o of their father in his grave fired a noble thirst for style they instantly emerged from the | 48 |
the city of of he was once lord mayor as appears hy his picture hung up in the hall of that ancient city but his observation fits this best of all possible cities to a hair it is a melancholy that this same new york though the most charming pleasant polished and praise worthy city under the sun and in a word the of the universe is most ill natured and sarcastic and given to all manner of which we are very sorry indeed in truth for it must come out like murder one time or other the inhabitants are not only ill natured but unjust no sooner do they get one of our random sketches in their hands but instantly they apply it most to some ft dear friend and then accuse us of the personality which originated in their own friendship truly it is an ill ed town and most earnestly do we hope it may not meet with the fate of and of o d as however it may be thought incumbent whim and opinions upon us to make some apology for these mistakes of the town and as our good nature is truly we would certainly answer this expectation were it not that we haye an invincible to making apologies we haye a most profound contempt for any man who cannot give three good reasons for an unreasonable thing and will therefore condescend as usual to give the public three special reasons for never first an apology that we are to somebody or another for our conduct now as we do not care a fiddle stick as authors for either public opinion or private ill will it would be a falsehood to second an apology would indicate that we had been doing what we ought not to have done now as we never did nor ever intend to do any thing wrong it would be ridiculous to make an apology third we labour under the same in the art of that lost his mistress we never yet undertook to make apology without committing a new offence and making matters ten times worse than they were before and we are of staff esq therefore determined to avoid such in future but though we have resolved never to yet we have no particular objection to explain and if this is all that s wanted we will go about it directly b gentlemen before however we enter upon this serious affair we take this opportunity to express our surprise and indignation at the incredulity of some people have we not over and over assured the town that we are three of the fellows living and is it not astonishing that having already given seven convincing proofs of the truth of this assurance they still have any doubts on the subject but ae it is one of the impossible things to make a believe in honesty so perhaps it may be another to make this most sarcastic and tea drinking city believe in the existence of good nature but to our explanation gentle for we are convinced that none but gentle or genteel readers ran relish our excellent productions if thou art in expectation of being perfectly satisfied with what we are about to say thou as well whim and opinions whistle d and quite over what follows for never was more disappointed than thou wilt be most assuredly but to the explanation we care j as much about the public and its wise conjectures as we do about the man in the moon and his or the of the lady who sits in her elbow chair in the and who her sex as we are informed never says any thing worth listening to we have launched our bark and we will t er to our destined port with perseverance fearless of being by the way good nature is our reason our whim the breeze that m along and morality our leading star of esq no ix saturday april a from mt elbow chair it in some measure with my humour to be melancholy and gentleman like this stormy night and see no reason why i should not indulge myself for once away then joke with and laughter for a while let my soul look back in mournful and with the memory of my good aunt charity who died of a frenchman stare not o most reader at the mention of a complaint so uncommon hath it afflicted the ancient family of the who carry their absurd to the french so far that they will not suffer a of in the house and my good old friend was once on the point of his paternal country mansion of hall merely because a colony of had settled in a neighbouring swamp i verily believe he would have carried his whim and opinions whim into effect had not a fortunate obliged the enemy to strike their tents and uke a troop of wandering to march off towards a part of the country my aunt charity departed this hfe in the fifty ninth year of her age though she never grew older after twenty five her she was according to her own account a celebrated beauty though i never could meet with any body that remembered when she was handsome on the contrary s father who used to gallant her in his youth says she was as a little piece of humanity as he ever saw and that if she had been possessed of the least sensibility she would like poor old j have most certainly run mad at her own figure and face the first time she contemplated herself in a looking glass in the good old times that saw my aunt in the hey day of youth a fine lady was a most formidable animal and required to be approached | 48 |
with the same awe and devotion that a feels in the presence of his grand if a gentleman of of esq to take her hand except to help her into a carriage or lead her into a drawing room such such a rustling of and her very shoe sparkled with indignation and for a moment assumed the brilliancy of diamonds in those days the person of a was sacred it was by the grasp of a stranger simple souls they had not the among them yet i my good aunt herself on keeping up this delicacy and if she happened to be playing at the old fashioned game of and was a kiss it was always more to get it than it was worth for she made a most gallant defence and never surrendered until she saw her adversary inclined to give over his attack s father says he remembers once to have been on a party with her and when they came to ing bridge it fell to his lot to on miss charity who after at a hideous rate at length jumped out of the plump into a w bank where she whim and opinions stuck bi t like an until he came to her rescue this feat cost her a from which she never thoroughly recovered it is rather singular that my aunt though a great beauty and an withal never got married the reason she alleged was that she never met with a lover who resembled sir charles the hero of her nightly dreams and waking fancy but lam privately of opinion that it was owing to her never having had an offer this much is certain that for many years previous to her she declined all attentions from the gentlemen and contented herself with watching over the welfare of her fellow creatures she was indeed observed to take a considerable leaning towards was frequent in her attendance at love read and and even went so far as once to travel the distance of five and twenty miles to be present at a camp meeting this gave great offence to my cousin and his good lady who as i have already mentioned are rigidly and had not my aunt charity been of a most pacific of esq tion her religious whim would have occasioned many a family she was indeed as good a soul as the family ever a lady of unbounded loving kindness which extended to man woman and child many of whom she almost killed good nature was any acquaintance ill in vain did the wind whistle and the storm beat my aunt would through mud and mire over the whole town but what she would visit she would sit by them for hours together with the most patience and tell a thousand melancholy stories of human misery to keep up their spirits the whole catalogue of was at her fingers ends from formidable down to gentle and she would by the hour on the healing qualities of and penny royal woe be to the patient that came under the benevolent hand of my aunt charity he was sure to be with a of and full many a time has my cousin borne a of pain in silence through fear of being condemned to suffer vol i l whim and opinions the of her aunt had moreover considerable ia for she could tell when the i rose and set every day in the year and woman in the whole world was able to p with more certainty at what minute the moon changed she held i story of the moon s being made of green as an abominable on her planet and she had made several discoveries in by means of a of burnt glass which entitled her at least to admission in the american society s improved v her favourite book and i that it was from this valuable work she dr most of her sovereign for col and but the truth must be told with all good qualities my aunt charity was with one fault extremely rare among i gentle sex it was curiosity how she ny it am at a loss to imagine but it play the very vengeance with her and destroy the comfort of her life having an of esq desire to know every body s character and mode of living she was for ever into the affairs of her neighbours and got a great deal of ill will from people towards whom she had the kindest disposition possible if any family on the opposite side of the street gave a dinner my aunt would mount her spectacles and sit at the window until the company were all merely that she might know who they were if she heard a story about any of her acquaintance she would forthwith set off full sail and never rest until to use her usual expression she had got to the bottom of it v which meant nothing more than telling it to every body she knew i remember one night my aunt charity happened to hear a most precious story about one of her good friends but unfortunately too late to give it immediate circulation it made her absolutely miserable and she hardly slept a wink all night for fear her bosom friend mrs should get the start of her in the morning and blow the whole affair you must know there was always a contest be whim and opinions these two ladies who should first give to the good natured things said about every body and this unfortunate at length proved fatal to their long and ardent friendship my aunt got up hours that morning before her usual time put on her gown and forth to lament the misfortune of her dear friend would you believe it wherever she went mrs had anticipated her and instead | 48 |
of being listened to with uplifted hands and open mouthed wonder my unhappy aunt was obliged to sit down quietly and listen to the whole affair with numerous additions alterations and now this was too bad it would almost have provoked patient or a saint it was too much for my aunt who kept her bed three days afterwards with a cold as she pretended but have no doubt it was owing to this affair of mrs to whom she never would be reconciled but i pass over the rest of my aunt charity s life with the various misfortunes and incident to those worthy of esq ri i old who have the domestic cares of the whole community upon their minds and i hasten to relate the melancholy incident that hurried her out of existence in the full bloom of in their malice the had ordered that a french boarding house or hon as it was called should be es directly opposite my aunt s residence event unhappy aunt charity it her into that alarming disorder the she did nothing but watch at the window day after day but without becoming one whit the wiser at the end of a fortnight than she was at the beginning she thought that neighbour had a monstrous large family and somehow or other they were all men she could not imagine what business neighbour followed to support so numerous a household and wondered why there was always such a of in the parlour and such a smell of from neighbour s kitchen in short neighbour was continually uppermost in her thoughts and incessantly on the outer a wh m and opinions edge of her tongue this was i believe the very first time she had ever failed to get at the bottom of a thing and the disappointment a sleepless night i warrant you i have little doubt however that my aunt would have neighbour out could she have spoken or understood french but in those times people in general could make themselves understood in plain english and it was always a standing in the family which exists to this day that not one of the females should learn french my aunt charity had lived at her window for time in vain when one day as she was keeping her usual look out and suffering all the pangs of curiosity she beheld a little meagre faced frenchman of the most forlorn and pitiful proportions arrive at neighbour s door he was dressed in white with a little pinched up cocked hat he seemed to shake in the wind and every blast that went over him whistled through his bones and threatened of esq this embodied spirit of famine was followed by three carts with crazy band boxes medicine and and at his heels ran a pack of little dogs this was the one thing wanting to fill up the measure of my aunt charity s she could not conceive for the soul of her who this mysterious little apparition could be that made so great a display what he could possibly do with so much baggage and particularly with his and or how so small a could have occasion for so many trunks of clothes honest soul she had never had a peep into a frenchman s wardrobe that of old hats and breeches of the growth of every he has followed in his life from the time of this fatal arrival my poor was in a all her inquiries were fruitless no one could the history of this mysterious stranger she never held up her head afterwards drooped daily took to in a fortnight and in a one little whim and opinions month i saw her quietly deposited in the family vault the seventh that has died of a whim take warning my fair and you o ye excellent ladies whether married or single who into other people s affairs and neglect those of your own household who are so busily employed in observing the faults of others that you have no time to correct your own remember the fate of dear aunt charity and the evil spirit of curiosity my elbow chair i find by perusal of our last number that will and taking advantage of my confinement have been playing some of their i suspected these of some in consequence of their queer looks and knowing whenever i came down to dinner and of their not showing their faces at old s for several days after the appearance of their precious esq whenever these two fellows lay their heads together there is always sure to he some notable piece of mischief which if it nobody else is sure to make its authors the public will take notice that for the purpose of teaching these my associates better manners and them for their high i have by virtue of my authority suspended them from all interference in until they show a proper degree of repentance or i get tired of supporting the of the work myself am sorry for will who is already sufficiently in not daring to come to the old house and tell his long stories and smoke his cigar but being an old beau may solace himself in his disgrace by up all his old finery and making love to the little girls at present my right hand man is cousin whom i have taken into high favour he came home the other night all in a blaze like a sky up to his room in a of poetic inspiration nor did we whim and opinions see any thing of him until late the next morning when he upon us at breakfast c fire in each eye and paper in each hand k this is just the way with like a he will remain for a long time silent without a single spark | 48 |
and then all at once burst out in a tremendous explosion of rhyme and as the letters of my friend seem to excite considerable curiosity i have another do not for the justice of his remarks or the of his conclusions they are full of the and errors into which strangers continually indulge who pretend to give an account of this country before they well know the geography of the street in which they live the copies of my friend s papers being confused and without date i cannot pretend to give them in order in fact they seem now and then to treat of matters which have occurred since his departure whether these are sly of that will or whether honest was gifted of esq with the spirit of prophecy or second sight i neither know nor in fact do i care the following seems to have been written when the prisoners were so much annoyed by the ragged state of their wardrobe the of his situation makes an easy transition from breeches to the seat of and the whole administration like a traveller i once knew who damned the french nation in because they eat sugar with green peas letter from mi rub a to principal slave driver to his the of sweet o is the memory of distant friends like the mellow ray of a departing sun it falls tenderly yet sadly on the heart every hour of absence from my native land heavily by like the sandy wave of whim and desert and the fair shores of my country rise blooming to m y imagination clothed in the soft charms of distance i sigh yet no one to the sigh of the captive i shed the bitter tear of recollection but no one in the tear of the stranger think not however thou brother of my soul that i complain of the horrors of my situation think not that my is attended with the labours the chains the the that render slavery with us more dreadful than the pangs of hesitating lingering death light indeed are the on the personal freedom of thy but who can enter into of the mind who can describe the agonies of the heart they are as the clouds of the air they are countless as the waves that divide me from my native country i have of late my dear under an inconvenience singularly unfortunate and am reduced to a most embarrassing why should i hide it from the companion of my thoughts the partner of my sorrows and my joys alas of esq g friend the captain of a is sadly in want of a pair of breeches thou wilt doubtless smile o most grave to hear me indulge in about a circumstance so trivial and a want apparently so easy to be satisfied but little thou know of the attending my necessities and the astonishing of supplying them honoured by the smiles and attentions of the beautiful ladies of this city who have fallen in love with my whiskers and my by the and the great men who delight to have me at their the honour of my company eagerly by every who gives a concert think of my at being obliged to decline the host of invitations that daily me merely for want of a pair of breeches oh that thy could come into the world all be like a or with a pair of leather breeches like the wild deer of the forest surely my friend it is the destiny of man to be for ever subjected to petty evils which however trifling in appearance prey in silence on his little pit o whim and opinions of enjoyment and poison those moments of sunshine which might otherwise be consecrated to happiness the want of a garment thou wilt say is easily supplied and thou suppose need only be mentioned to be at once by any tailor of the land little thou conceive the which stand in the way of my comfort and still less art thou acquainted with the prodigious great scale on which every thing is in this country the nation moves most slow and clumsy in the most trivial like the elephant which makes a difficulty of picking up a straw i when i hinted my necessities to the officer who has charge of myself and my companions i expected to have them forthwith relieved but he made an long face told me that we were prisoners of that we must therefore be clothed at the expense of the government that as no provision has been made by for an emergency of the kind it was impossible to furnish me with a pair of breeches until all the of the nation had been of esq to talk over the matter and debate the of my request sword of the immortal thought i but this is great this is truly all the of an immense assembled together to talk about my breeches vain mortal that i am i cannot but own i was somewhat reconciled to the delay which must necessarily attend this method of clothing me by the consideration that if they made the affair a national act my name must of course be embodied in history and myself and my breeches flourish to immortality in the annals of this mighty empire but pray sir said i how does it happen that a matter so insignificant should be erected into an object of such importance as to employ the wisdom of the nation and what is the cause of their talking so much about a trifle h replied the officer who acts as our slave driver it all proceeds from economy if the government did not spend ten times as much money in whether it was proper to supply you with breeches as the breeches themselves would cost | 48 |
small that grand solemnity a ball my vision chanced to t on two sweet forms bright two sister alike in face in mien in loveliness and grace twin rose bursting into bloom in all their freshness and perfume like those fair forms that often beam upon the eastern poet s dream for had each lovely maid in native innocence array d and heaven itself had almost shed its sacred round each head they seem d just entering hand in hand to cautious tread this fairy land to take a timid hasty view enchanted with a scene so new the modest blush by art their purity of heart and every act d two souls by the world i whim and opinions oh how the e strangers my sight and d my bosom with delight i they brought the of my youth back to my soul in all their truth fair spirits into day that time s rough hand had swept away thus the bright natives from above who come on messages of love will bless at rare and distant our sinful dwelling by heir smiles oh my romance of th is past dear airy dream too bright to last yet when such forms as these appear i feel its soft remembrance here for oft the simple poet s heart on which fond love once play d its part will feel the soft beat as loth to quit their former seat just like the harp s melodious wire swept by a bard heavenly fire though ceased the loudly swelling strain sweet long remain full soon i found the lovely pair had sprung beneath a mother s care hard by a neighbouring s side at once its ornament and pride the parent s tender heart ad well d its pious part of esq and like the holy man of old as we re by sacred writings told when he from his pupil sped pour d two fold blessings on head so this fond mother had her early virtues in each breast but now resigned the calm retreat where first their souls in concert beat flown on expectation s wing to the joys of life s gay spring to sport in fashion s splendid where friendship and love so two sweet wild flowers near the side of some fair river s silver tide pure as the gentle stream that the green banks with its waves bloom in their native ground heavenly fragrance round but should a hand transfer these blossoms to the gay where spite of artificial aid the fairest plants of nature fade though they may shine supreme awhile mid pale ones of the stranger soil the beauties soon decay and their sweet fragrance dies away spirits who in air watch o er the virtues of the fair a and opinions and with ken survey their through life s d way oh make this inexperienced pair the objects of your tenderest care preserve them from the languid eye the faded cheek the long drawn sigh and let it be your constant aim to keep the ones still the same two sister hearts bright as the first beams of light that sparkled from the youthful sun when first his race begun so when these hearts shall burst their shrine to wing their flight to divine they may to radiant rise pure as when first they left the skies i of esq no x saturday may i from my chair the long interval which has elapsed since the publication of our last number like many other remarkable events has given rise to much conjecture and excited considerable solicitude it is but a day or two since i heard a knowing young gentleman observe that he suspected would be a nine days wonder and had even that the ninth would be our last effort but the age of prophecy as well as that of chivalry is past and no reasonable man should now venture to aught but what he is determined to bring about himself he may then if he please and be honour ed as a prophet even in his own country though i hold whether we write or not write to be none of the public s business yet as i have just heard of the loss of three thousand at least to the i feel in whim and opinions a remarkably humour thereupon and will give some account of the reasons which induced us to resume our useful labours or rather our amusements for if writing cost either of us a moment s labour there is not a man but what would hang up his pen to the great of the world at large and of our in particular who has actually bought himself a pair of trunk breeches with the profits of our writings he me that several persons having called last saturday for no x took the disappointment so much to heart that he really some terrible catastrophe and one good looking man in particular declared his intention of the country if the work was not continued add to this the town has grown quite melancholy in the last fortnight and several young ladies have declared in my hearing that if another number did not make its appearance soon they would be obliged to amuse themselves with their and making them miserable now i assure my readers there was no flattery in this for they no more suspected me of being of esq than they suspect me of being the emperor of china or the man in the moon i haye received several letters complaining of our indolent and one of my me that a of young gentlemen who had not read a book through since they left school but who have taken a wonderful liking to our paper will certainly into their old habits unless we go on for the sake therefore of all these good people and most especially for the satisfaction of | 48 |
the ladies every one of whom we would love if we possibly could i have again my with a most hearty determination to set the whole world to rights to make and of all the fair ones of this town and raise the spirits of the poor who in truth seem to be in a sad ever since the american ticket met with the accident of being so unhappily thrown out o whim and opinions to esq sir i felt myself hurt and offended by mr s terrible against modern music in no ii of your work and was under serious apprehension that his might bring the art which i have the honour to profess into contempt the opinions of yourself and appear indeed to have a wonderful effect upon the town lam told the ladies are all employed in reading and and the has been entirely forsaken ever since the winter balls have closed under these apprehensions i should addressed you before had i not been employed while the theatre continued open in supporting the astonishing variety of the and in a new or bob major for church to be rung during the summer beginning with di do instead of di do the citizens especially those who live in the neighbourhood of that harmonious quarter will no doubt be infinitely delighted with this novelty of esq but to the object of this communication so far sir from agreeing with mr in thinking that all modern music is but the mere and of the ancient i trust before this letter is concluded i shall convince you and him that some of the late professors of this art have completely the paltry efforts of the and that i in particular have at length brought it almost to absolute perfection the simple souls were astonished at the powers of who made the woods and rocks dance to his of who converted into bricks and into mortar and of who won upon the compassion of the fishes in the of admiration their poets that had lent them his and inspired them with his own spirit of harmony what then would they have said had they witnessed the wonderful effects of my skill had they heard me in the compass of a single piece describe in glowing notes one of the most sublime operations of nature and not only make objects dance but even whim and opinions speak and not only speak but speak in strains of exquisite harmony let me not however be understood to say that i am the sole author of this extraordinary improvement in the art for i confess i took the hint of many of my discoveries from some of those productions that have lately come road and made so much noise under the title of from some of these as for instance and the battle of a gentleman or a captain in the city or an young lady may indeed acquire a tolerable idea of military and become very well experienced in the firing of the roaring of cannon the rattling of drums the whistling of of trumpets groans of the dying and of cavalry without ever going to the wars but it is more especially in the art of things and giving the language of every passion and sentiment of the human mind so as entirely to do away the necessity of speech that i particularly the most celebrated of ancient and modern times of esq i think sir i may venture to say there is not a sound in the whole compass of nature which i cannot imitate and even improve upon nay what i consider the perfection of my art i have discovered a method of expressing in the most striking manner that indescribable silence which the falling of snow in order to prove to you that i do not to myself what i am unable to perform i will detail to you the different movements of a grand piece which i pride myself upon exceedingly called the breaking up of the ice in the north river the piece opens with a fi which you into the in the state house at where the speaker addresses his farewell speech informing the members that the ice is about breaking up and thanking them for their great services and good behaviour in a manner so pathetic as to bring tears into their eyes flourish of a ice cracks in a air three children s on the ice all on a summer s day citizens whim and opinions quarrelling in dutch chorus of tin trumpet a cracked fiddle and a hand saw hard frost this if given with proper spirit has a charming effect and sets every body s teeth chattering symptoms of snow consultation of old women who complain of pains in the bones and air there was an old woman tossed up in a blanket etc breaks into the ice people all run to see what is the matter air you row the boat ashore boy boy fix st fish up in the ice air ho why dost thou shiver and shake gray and why does thy nose look so blue flourish of two penny trumpets and consultation of the north river society determine to set the north river on fire as soon as it will burn air ft o what a fine kettle of fish part n great this consists of the most melting strains flowing so smoothly as to occasion a great overflowing of scientific rapture air misty morning the house of assembly breaks air came out and flew about as of esq men on their way to new york air the ducks and the they | 48 |
all swim over de etc r vessel sets sail chorus of steer her up and let her gang after this a rapid movement you to the north river society hold a meeting at the corner of wall street and determine to delay burning till all the assembly men are safe home for fear of some of their own members who that respectable body return again to the capital ice down the river of air sigh and lament me in vain etc cutting up air o the roast beef of ice runs against s island with a terrible crash this is represented by a fierce fellow travelling with his stick over a huge bass at the rate of one hundred and fifty bars a minute and tearing the music to rags this being what is called execution the great body of ice passes and is saluted by three or four dismounted cannon from fort s march by a full band air yankee whim and opinions with seventy six variations never at r tempted except by the celebrated eagle which his wings over the copper angel at messrs s in ice passes new york shell sounds at a distance calls o v e r people run down street boat sets sail air accompanied by the shell well all go over the giving a particular account of the hook admiral who is supposed to be closely connected with the north river society the society make a grand attempt to fire the stream but are utterly defeated by a remarkably high tide which brings the plot to light society not being discouraged apply to common senses for his lantern air nose jolly red nose flock of wild fly over the city old wives chatter in the crow at drums beat on governor s island the whole to conclude with the blowing up of sands thus sir you perceive what wonderful powers of expression have been hitherto alluding to tom ho had a remarkably red nose of esq locked up in this art a whole history is here told without the aid of speech or writing and provided the is in the least acquainted with music he cannot mistake a note as to the blowing up of the powder house i look upon it as a d which i am confident will delight all modern who very properly estimate music in proportion to the noise it makes and delight in thundering cannon and i must confess however it is a difficult part to manage and i hare already broken six in giving it the proper force and effect but i do not despair and am quite certain that by the time i have broken eight or ten more i shall have brought it to such perfection as to be able to teach any young lady of tolerable ear to thunder it away to the infinite delight of papa and mamma and the great annoyance of those who are so barbarous as to prefer the simple melody of a air to the sublime of modern musical doctors in my warm of future improvement i have sometimes almost convinced myself that music will in time be brought ii j whim and opinions to such a climax of perfection as to the necessity of speech and writing and every kind of social intercourse be conducted by the and fiddle the immense benefits that will result from this improvement must be plain to every man of the least consideration in the present unhappy situation of mortals a man has but one way of making himself perfectly understood if he loses his speech he must inevitably be dumb all the rest of his life but having once learned this new musical language the loss of speech will be a mere trifle worth a moment s uneasiness not only this mr l but it wilt add much to the harmony of domestic intercourse for it is certainly much more agreeable to hear a lady give lectures on the piano than in the usual this manner of may also i think be introduced with great effect into our national where every man instead of his tongue should be obliged to flourish a by which if he said nothing to the purpose he would at all events discourse most eloquent which is more than can or esq s be said of most of them at present they might also sound their own trumpets without being obliged to a for an of nine days or subjected to the censure of but the most important result of this discovery is that it may be applied to the establishment of that great in the learned world a universal language wherever this science of music is cultivated nothing more will be necessary than a knowledge of its which being almost the same every where will amount to a universal medium of communication a man may thus with his under his arm a piece of and a few bundles of fiddle his way through the world and never be at a loss to make himself understood i am etc go whim and l bt the without die or of the authors and if he dared he would have placed near where their remarks are made on the great of manners which exist between the sexes now from what did in the days of our tlie danger hy familiarity of the present day must be obvious to many and i think the following a strong example of one of its evils i remember the m one of the accomplished and handsome young men ii i when i was there he was passionately in love with a girl of | 48 |
almost beauty she was the daughter of a man of great rank and great at court and on these considerations as well as in regard to her charms she was followed by a multitude of she was lively and amiable and treated them all with an which still kept them in her train although it was generally known she had a partiality for count m arid that preparations were making for the the count was of a refined mind and a delicate sensibility he loved her for herself alone for the virtues which he believed dwelt in her beautiful form of esq like a lover of such he never approached her without timidity and when he touched her a fire shot through his veins that warned him not to the of her lips such were his feelings when one evening at his intended father in law s a party of young people were met to a certain festival several of the young lady s rejected were present were one of the and all went on with the greatest merriment till the count was commanded by some witty to redeem his glove by the cheek of his intended bride the count blushed trembled advanced retreated again advanced to his mistress and at last with a tremor that shook his whole soul and every fibre of his frame with a modest and grace he took the soft which played upon her cheek pressed it to his lips and retired to demand his pledge in the most evident con his mistress gaily smiled and the game went on one of her rejected who was of a merry disposition was whim etc by the same of the as tt his last treat before he hanged himself to snatch a kiss from the object of his recent vows a lively contest ensued between the gentleman and lady which lasted for more than a minute but the lady yielded though in the midst of a laugh the count had the mortification the agony to see the lips which his passionate and delicate love would not permit him to kissed with and repetition by another man even by one whom he really despised mournfully and silently without a word he rose from his chair left the room and the house by that good natured kiss the fair boast of lost her lover lost her husband the count never saw her more end of volume first j i f by senior to his majesty i or the of esq and others in est et et fee f aw with baked and d aud d and and and boil d and smoked and we treat the town in two volumes vol ii paris printed bt for du n m xxiv contents of volume ii p ee no xi letter from rub a to i account of mine uncle ij no xii s company i tbe stranger at home or a tour in by tbe younger introduction to s poem a poem from tbe mill of esq no xiii introduction to will s plans for defending our harbour plans for defending our harbour by william esq a a or tou to readers and no xiv letter from rub a to io hall by l esq i a i theatrical intelligence by william esq i j vi contents page no xv sketches from nature by a on greatness by l esq no xvi style at by w esq a from rub a to no xvii reflections by esq description of the library at hall by l esq chap of the of the renowned and ancient city of no xviii the little man in y esq letter from rub a to no xix introduction to the number letter from rub a to al s introduction to the winter tea a poem from the mill of esq no xx on year to the ladies from a farewell address or the whim and opinions of esq and others no xi tuesday july a letter from rub a captain of a to principal slave driver to his the of the deep shadows of midnight gather around the footsteps of the passengers have ceased in the streets and nothing the holy silence of the hour save the sound of distant drums mingled with the shouts the and the of his majesty the sovereign mob let the hour be sacred to vol ii i whim and opinions friendship and consecrated to thee oh thou brother of my inmost soul oh i almost shrink at the recollection of the scenes which i have witnessed during the last three days i have beheld this whole city nay this whole state given up to the tongue and the pen to the the and the i have beheld the community with a civil war or civil talk individuals families by whole sheets full and coolly bathing their pens in ink and in the slaughter of their thousands i have seen in short that awful the people in the moment of unlimited power newspapers in one hand and with the other scattering mud and about like some desperate lunatic relieved from the of his strait waistcoat i have seen beggars on horseback riding in and swine seated in places of honour i have seen liberty i have seen equality i have seen i have seen that great political show an a few days ago the friend whom i have of esq mentioned in some of my former letters called upon me to accompany him to witness this grand ceremony and we forthwith out to the as he called them though for several weeks before this splendid exhibition nothing else had been talked of yet i do assure thee i | 48 |
was entirely ignorant of its nature and when on coming up to a church my companion informed me we were at the i supposed that an election was some great religious ceremony like the fast of or the great festival of so celebrated in the east my friend however me at once and entered into a long on the nature and object of an election the subject of which was nearly to this effect you know country is engaged in internal warfare and suffers a variety of evils from civil an election is the trial of strength where the y out their forces in martial array where every leader burning with warlike and encouraged by the shouts and of whim and opinions and beggars in bis rear an puffed blowing waves gallantly tbe of and presses forward to office and immortality for a or two previous to critical period tbe community is in a every man of rank or degree ne bis business to devote to bis country and not an insignificant fellow but feels inspired on occasion witb as in favour of tbe cause be as if all tbe comfort of bis life or even bis life itself were dependent on tbe issue grand of war are in tbe first place called by tbe different powers are general meetings all tbe leaders collect and arrange tbe order of tbe different nd subordinate instruments and furnish tbe funds indispensable for supplying tbe expenses of tbe war inferior are next called in tbe different classes or wards consisting of young are for office come from mere and appear for tbe purpose of of esq all the crimes the or the weaknesses of their and speaking the sense of the meeting y as it is called for as the meeting generally consists of men whose of sense taken would make but a poor figure these are appointed to collect it all in a lump when i assure you it makes a very formidable appearance and when spun out sufficient matter for an of two or three hours the who at these meetings are with a few exceptions men of most profound eloquence who are the of shops market places and porter houses aud whom you may see every day at the corner of the street taking honest men prisoners by the button and talking their ribs quite bare without mercy and without end these in addressing an audience generally mount a chair a table or a beer barrel which last is supposed to afford considerable inspiration and thunder away their sentiments at the heads of the audience who are generally so busily employed in smoking drinking and hearing themselves talk that whim and opinions they seldom hear a word of the master this however is of little moment for as they come there to agree at all events to a certain set of resolutions or articles of war it is not at all necessary to hear the speech more especially as few would understand it if they did do not suppose however that the minor persons of the meeting are entirely idle besides smoking and drinking there are few who do not come with as great a desire to talk as the orator himself each has his little circle of listen ers in the midst of whom he sets his hat on one side of his head out matter of fact information and draws self evident conclusions with the of a and to the great of his gaping nay the very from the nursery who are scarcely from the dominion of on these occasions great men for the instruction of ignorance and like the in the fable endeavour to puff themselves up to the size of the great object of their the principal orator but is it not preposterous to a degree of esq cried i for to attempt to lecture age and experience they should be sent to school to learn better a not at all replied my friend for as an election is nothing more than a war of words the man that can wag his tongue with the greatest whether he speak to the purpose or not is entitled to lecture at ward meetings and and instruct all who are inclined to listen to him you may have remarked a ward meeting of dogs where although the great dog is the leader and makes the most noise yet every little scoundrel of a cur has something to say and in proportion to his and about in order to obtain the notice and approbation of his thus it is with these little bread and butter who on this occasion escape from the of the nursery to attend to the affairs of the nation you will see them engage in dreadful contest with old and and themselves not a little if they should chance to gain a victory spirits how interesting are the first of po whim and opinions greatness an election my friend is a hot bed of genius in a and i look with enthusiasm on a troop of these as so many and and and in who will one day take an important part in the quarrels and wars of their country as the time for fighting the decisive battle approaches appearances become more and more alarming are appointed who hold from whence they send out small of to and with the enemy and if possible to ascertain their numbers every body seems big with the mighty event that is impending the great gradually swell beyond their usual size the little grow greater and greater the of the ward about looking like wooden the put on airs of mighty consequence the deal out and threats of import and all is murmur suspense and at length the day arrives the storm that of esq has been so long | 48 |
gathering and threatening in distant bursts forth in terrible explosion all business an end the whole city is in a tumult the people are running they know not whither and they know not why the rattle through the streets loaded with who have been in and to some who will bis vote for a glass of beer or a ride in a coach with such fine gentlemen the of the party from to on foot or on horseback and they worry from committee to committee and and and talk big and da nothing like the vagabond who his time in the laborious idleness ot see saw and busy i know not how long my friend would have continued his detail had he not been inter which took place between two old as they were called it seems they had entered into an argument on the respective merits of their cause and not being able to make each other clearly understood resorted to what is called whim and opinions down arguments which form the degree of ad but are in my opinion rather inconsistent with the spirit of a after they had beaten each other soundly and set the whole mob together by the ears they came to a full explanation when it was discovered that they were both of the same way of thinking whereupon they shook each other heartily by the hand and laughed with great glee at their humorous misunderstanding i could not help being struck with the exceeding great number of ragged though personages that about the place and seemed to think themselves the of the land i inquired of my friend if these people were employed to drive away the dogs and other that might thrust themselves in and interrupt the ceremony by no means replied he these are the representatives of the sovereign people who come here to make and members of assembly and are the source of all power and authority in this nation preposterous u said i how is it of staff esq possible that such men can be instructed in the high concerns of and capable of between the moral and political merits will they not rather be too often led by the nose by and made the mere of political surely it would be better to trust to providence or even to chance for than to the of an ignorant mob what will be the consequence where promotion rests with the he who courts the will be most likely to succeed the man of superior worth and talents will always be too proud to stoop to the low arts by which vulgar minds are won he will too often therefore be defeated by the or who address themselves to the passions and prejudices rather than to the judgments of the my friend appeared a little puzzled either by or the length of my remark that is very true very true indeed said he with some hesitation there is a great deal of force in what you say yet after all you can i a whim and opinions not deny that this is a free country and that the people get drunk at a cheaper rate particularly during than in the countries of the east i confess i was somewhat staggered by the of this and had not a word to say against the of its concluding assertion for just at that t a cart drove up with a load of patriotic beer barrels which caused a temporary of all argument the great crowd of and of all parties who throng to the to persuade to cheat or to force the into the right way and to maintain the freedom of seemed for a moment to forget their and joined heartily in a copious of this patriotic and these barrels indeed seem to be most able well stored with that kind of argument best suited to the comprehension and taste of the mob or sovereign people who are never so as when upon by this convincing liquor which in fact seems to be with the very spirit of a of esq l no sooner does it begin to operate than the tongue extremely and becomes impatient for some mighty conflict the puts himself at the head of his body guard of and his of and woe then to every adversary by the beer he is sure to be talked and argued into complete while i was making these observations i was surprised to observe a high in office shaking a fellow by the hand that looked rather more ragged than a scare crow and inquiring with apparent solicitude concerning the health of his family after which he slipped a little folded paper into his hand and turned away i could not help his humility in shaking the fellow s hand and his benevolence in his for i imagined the paper contained something for the poor man s necessities and truly he seemed towards the last stage of starvation my friend however soon me by saying that this was an and the had merely given him the list of whim and opinions for whom he was to vote ho ho said then he is a particular friend of the by no means my friend the will pass him without notice the day after the election except perhaps just to drive over him with his carriage my friend then proceeded to inform me that for some time before and during the continuance of an election there was a most courtship or carried on between the great and mother mob that mother mob generally preferred the attentions of the or of fellows of her own stamp but would sometimes condescend to be treated to a or any thing of that kind at the s expense nay sometimes when | 48 |
she was in good humour she would condescend to toy in her rough way with her gentleman but woe be to the who presumed upon her for she was the most cross scolding scratching wrong headed rebellious and abominable that ever was let loose in the world to the confusion of honest gentlemen of esq i just then a fellow came round and distributed among the crowd a number of hand bills written by the ghost of washington the fame of whose illustrious actions and still more virtues has reached even the remotest regions of the east and who is by this people as the father of his country on reading this paltry paper i could not restrain my indignation insulted hero cried i is it thus thy name is thy memory disgraced thy spirit drawn down from heaven to administer to the brutal violence of party rage it is thus the of the east by their sometimes call up the shades of the just to give their sanction to to lies and to every species of my friend smiled at my warmth and observed that raising ghosts and not only raising them but making them speak was one of the miracles of election and believe me continued he there is good reason for the ashes of departed heroes being disturbed on these occasions for such is sandy foundation of our government that there never happens an election of an or a whim and opinions or even a but we are in imminent danger of losing our liberties and becoming a province of france or to the islands by the of s said i but this is only another striking example of the prodigious great scale on which every thing is in this country by this time i had become tired of the scene my head ached with the uproar of voices mingling in all the tones of triumphant exclamation argument reproach and drunken absurdity these thought i are the of these are the of the spirit of independence these are the of man s head of what a fatal and inexorable do empty names and ideal exercise on the human mind the experience of ages has that in all nations barbarous or enlightened the gross minds the mob of the people must be slaves or they will be even of their reign is shirt some ambitious having first condescended to be of esq ry their slave at length becomes master and in proportion to the of his original will be the severity of his subsequent tyranny but woe to the and leaders who gain a seat in the saddle by flattering the and to the passions of the mob they will soon learn by fatal experience that he who to the beast that carries him teaches it the secret of its power and will sooner or later be thrown to the dust and trampled under foot ever thine mine uncle john from my chair to those whose habits of abstraction may have let them into some of the secrets of their own minds and whose from daily toil has left them at leisure to their f it will be nothing new to say that the present i l whim and opinions is peculiarly the season of remembrance the flowers the and the of spring returning after their tedious absence bring naturally to our recollection past times and buried and the whispers of the fuu grove fall on the ear of contemplation like the sweet tones of far distant friends whom the rude of the world have severed from us and cast far beyond our reach it is at such times that casting back ward many a lingering look we recall with a kind of sweet melancholy the days of our youth and the companions who started with us the race of life but parted in the journey to pursue some winding path that them with a prospect more and never returned to us again it is then too if we have been afflicted with any heavy sorrow if we have ever lost and who has not an old friend or chosen companion that his shade will around us the memory of his virtues press on the heart and a thousand recollections forgotten amidst the cold pleasures and mid of esq night of winter arise to our remembrance these speculations bring to my mind my uncle john the history of whose loves and disappointments have promised to the world though i must own myself much to forgetting my promises yet as i have been so happily reminded of this i believe i must pay it at once and there an end lest my readers good natured souls that they are should in the of peeping into take my uncle for an old acquaintance i here them that the old gentleman died a great many years ago and it is impossible they should ever known him i pity them for they would have known a good natured benevolent man whose example might have been of service the last time i saw ray uncle john was fifteen years ago when i paid him a visit at bis old mansion i found him reading a newspaper for it was election time and he was always a warm and had made several to the true political faith in o whim and opinions bis time particularly one old tenant who always just before tbe election became a violent anti in order that he might be convinced of his errors by my uncle who never failed to reward his conviction by some substantial be after we had settled the affairs of the nation and i had paid my respects to the old family in the kitchen an indispensable ceremony the old gentleman exclaimed with glee well i | 48 |
suppose you are for a fishing i have got every thing prepared but first you must take a walk with me to see my improvements i was obliged to consent though i knew n y uncle would lead me a most dance and in all probability treat me to a or a tumble into a ditch if my readers choose to accompany me in this expedition they are if not let them stay at home like y fellows and sleep or be hanged though i had been absent several years yet there was very little alteration in the see and eveiy object retained the same features it bore when i was a school boy for it of esq i a in this spot that i grew up in the fear of ghosts and in the breaking of many of the ten the brook or river as they call it in europe still murmured with its sweetness through the meadow and its banks were still with dwarf that bent down to the surface the same echo inhabited the valley and the same tender air of repose pervaded the whole scene even my good uncle was but little altered except that his hair was grown a little and his forehead had lost some of its former he had however lost nothing of his former activity and laughed heartily at the difficulty i found in keeping up with him as he through bushes and and hedges talking all the time about his improvements and telling what he would do with such a spot of ground and such a tree at length after showing me his stone fences his famous two year old bull his new invented cart which was to go before the horse and his he was pleased to return home to dinner after dining and returning thanks which with him was not a ceremony merely but an a whim and opinions ing landlord or but still when i pass such a day as this and contemplate such a scene i cannot help feeling a latent wish to linger yet a little longer in this peaceful asylum to enjoy a little more sunshine in this world and to have a few more fishing matches with as he ended he raised his hand a little from the fallen tree and dropping it languidly by his side turned himself towards home the sentiment the look the action all seemed to be prophetic and so they were for when l shook him by the and bade him farewell the next morning it was for the last time he died a bachelor at the age of though he had been all his life trying to get married and always thought himself on the point of his wishes his disappointments were not owing either to the of his mind or person for in his youth he was reckoned handsome and i myself can witness for him that he had as kind a heart as ever was fashioned by heaven neither were they owing to his poverty which sometimes stands in an honest man s of esq for he was born to the inheritance of a small estate which was sufficient to establish his claim to the title of one well to do in the world the truth is my uncle had a prodigious anti to doing things in a hurry ma man should consider said he to me once that he can always get a wife but cannot always get rid of her for my part continued he i am a young fellow with the world before me he was about forty and am resolved to look sharp weigh matters well and know what s what before i marry in short intend to do the in a hurry depend upon it on this whim he proceeded he began with young girls and ended with the girls he until they grew old maids or married out of pure apprehension of certain hereafter and the not having quite as much patience generally at the end of a year while the good man thought himself in the high road to success married some young fellow who had not such an to do things in a hurry my uncle would have inevitably sunk under ii whim and opinions these repeated disappointments for he did not want sensibility had he not hit upon a discovery which set all to rights at once he consoled bis vanity for he was a little vain and soothed his pride which was his master passion by telling his friends very significantly while his eye would flash triumph that he might have had her n those who know how much of of disappointed from wounded vanity and exasperated pride will give my uncle credit for this discovery my uncle had been told by a prodigious number of married men and had read in an innumerable quantity of books that a man could not possibly be happy except in the marriage state so he determined at an early age to marry that he might not lose his only chance for happiness he accordingly forthwith paid his addresses to the daughter of a neighbouring gentleman who was the beauty of the whole world a phrase by which the honest country people mean nothing more than the circle of their acquaintance or that territory of land which of staff esq j is within sight of the smoke of their own hamlet this young lady in addition to her beauty was highly accomplished for she had spent five or six months at a boarding school in town where she learned to work pictures in satin and paint sheep that might be mistaken for wolves to hold up her head sit straight in her chair and to think every species of useful beneath her attention when she returned | 48 |
is one of the most hunters of i ever knew and his first care on making a new acquaintance is to gallant him to old s where he never fails to receive the freedom of the house in a pinch from his gold box will has without exception the most eccentric and indescribable set of that ever man possessed how he became acquainted with them i cannot conceive except by supposing there is a secret attraction or unintelligible sympathy that unconsciously draws together of every soil will s great for some time was t m to whom he really took a great liking whim and opinions had arrived in ao of fresh from the city of or rather as the most learned english would call it so famous for its of pen knives and and where they make buttons and enough to our whole country he was a young man of considerable standing in the at sometimes had the honour to hand his master s daughter into a was the of the tavern he frequented on sundays and could beat all his if you would take his word for it in beer drinking jumping chairs and cats in a and opera singers was moreover a member of a catch club and was a great hand at ringing he was of course a complete in music and entitled to assume that character at performances in the art he was likewise a member of a club had seen a company of strolling actors perform in a barn and bad even like the part of major with considerable applause he ef esq consequently a profound critic and fully to turn up his nose at any american performances he had twice of annual dinners given to the head of where he had the good fortune to get a taste of and and a of and and he had heard a vast deal of the roast beef of old england he was therefore sufficient to d n every dish and every glass of wine he tasted in america though at the same time he was as an animal as ever crossed the atlantic had been half a do en times by the carriages of nobility and had once the felicity of being kicked out of doors by the footman of a noble duke he could therefore of nobility and despise the of america in short was one of those bustling round self important who upon us half beau half button maker undertake to give us the true polish of the bon ton and endeavour to inspire us with a proper and dignified contempt of our country whim and opinions was quite in when his determined to send him to america as an agent he considered himself as going among a nation of where he would be received as a he anticipated with a proud satisfaction the bustle and confusion his arrival would occasion the crowd that would throng to gaze at him as he passed through the streets j and had little doubt but that he should excite as much curiosity as an indian chief or k in the streets of he had heard of the beauty of our women and chuckled at the thought how completely he should their and the number of despairing lovers that would mourn the hour of his arrival i am even informed by will that he put good store of beads nails and looking glasses in his trunk to win the affections of the fair ones as they about in their bark the reason will gave for this error of s respecting our ladies was that he had read in s geography that the of america were all savages and not exactly understanding the word of esq he applied to one of his who assured him that it was the word for inhabitants used to tell another anecdote of which always put him in a passion will swore that the captain of the ship told him that when heard they were off the banks of he insisted upon going oh shore there to gather some of which he was excessively fond however denied all this and declared it to be a mischievous of will who indeed often made himself merry at his expense however this may be certain it is he kept bis tailor and constantly employed for a month before his departure equipped himself with a smart crooked about eighteen inches long a pair of breeches of most of length a little short pair of s white boots that seemed to stand on tip toe to reach his breeches and his had the true atlantic towards his right ear the fact was nor did he make any secret of it he was determined to the natives a few whim and opinions was not a little disappointed on his arrival to find the americans were rather more civilized than he had imagined he was suffered to walk to his lodgings by a crowd and even unnoticed by a single no love came pouring in upon him no rivals lay in wait to him his very dress excited no attention for there were many fools dressed equally ridiculous with him this was indeed to an youth who had come out with the idea of astonishing and was equally unfortunate in his pretensions to the character of critic and he condemned our whole dramatic corps and every thing to the theatre but his critical abilities were he found fault with old s dinner not even his wine and was never invited to the house afterwards he the streets at night and was by a sturdy he an honest and was soundly kicked thus disappointed in ail his attempts at hit on the expedient which was resorted to by the of lot esq he determined to take the town by storm he accordingly bought horses and and | 48 |
forthwith made a furious dash at style in a and s s were but limited it may easily be supposed that his fashionable career a little upon his which was indeed the case for to use a true phrase suffered but this was a circumstance that made little im who was now a lad of spirit and lads of spirit always despise the sordid cares of keeping another man s money suspecting this circumstance i never could witness any of his of style without some association of ideas did he give an entertainment to a host of friends i immediately fancied them heartily at the expense of poor and a of and did i behold him dashing through in his i saw him in my mind s eye v driving on a tea board nor could i ever contemplate his of but my mis o whim opinions us imagination would picture him a of like rosy be a or the little gentleman who be the world in the front of g s was equally successful with the as may well be supposed for though merit may strive in vain to become fashionable in yet a candidate in an is always recognised and like philip s ass laden with gold will gain every where mounted in his or his the candidate is like a statue elevated on a high his merits are from afar and strike the oh most of cities bow does my heart swell with delight when i behold your inhabitants their attention with such wonderful thus became quite a man of and was and and invited to dinners and balls whatever was absurd or ridiculous in him before was now declared to be the style he our theatre and of esq was listened to with reverence he pronounced our musical barbarous and the judgment of himself would not have been more decisive he abused our dinners and the god of if there be any such deity seemed to speak through his organs he became at once a man of taste for he pat his on every thing and his arguments were for he supported every assertion with a bet he was likewise pronounced by the learned in the fashionable world a young man of great and deep observation for he had sent home as natural an ear of indian corn pair of a belt of and a four he had taken great pains to this curious collection with an indian and a but without success jn fine the people talked of and his and talked of his horses until it was impossible for the most critical observer to pronounce whether or his horses were most admired or whether admired himself or his horses most was now in the of his glory whim and opinions lie and with the same confidence he used to display in the at he a lady as he would a hai maid and this was pronounced a proof that he had been used to better company in he became the great man of all the between new york and and no one stood a chance of being until and his horses were perfectly satisfied he d d the and with the best air in the world and them with true familiarity he staggered from the dinner table to the play entered the box like a tempest and staid long enough to be bored to death and to bore all those who had the misfortune to be near him from thence he dashed off to a ball time enough to through a tear half a dozen gowns commit a number of other and make the whole company sensible of his infinite condescension in coming amongst them the people of thought him a fine fellow the young cultivated of esq his acquaintance with the most and his were sometimes co with a seat in his or a ride on one of his fine horses the were delighted with the attentions of such a gentleman and struck with at his learned distinctions wrought and those of cast steel to with his profound on and horse flesh the rich merchants his acquaintance because he was an an and their wives treated him with great deference because he had come from beyond seas i cannot help here observing that your salt water is a marvellous great of men s wits and i intend to recommend it to some of my acquaintance in a particular essay continued his brilliant career for only a short time his prosperous journey over the of fashion was checked by some of those stumbling blocks in the way of youth called or a race of people who as a celebrated writer are hated by gods and men whim and opinions whispers of distant suspicion floated in the dark and those of society the and rose in rebellion against in vain were his in vain did he prove to them that though he had given them na money yet he had given them more tom and as many promises as any young man is the city they were and the signal of danger being given a host of other upon his back saw there was but for it he did the thing went to like a hero and dashed into the limits in high style being the gentleman i have known to drive to the ne the d unfortunate may thy fate be a warning to all young gentlemen who come out from to astonish the natives i should never have taken the trouble to his character had he not been a genuine and worthy to be the representative of his numerous tribe perhaps my simple countrymen may hereafter be able to between the real english gentleman and of esq individuals of the cast i have heretofore spoken of as mere springing at one bound from contemptible obscurity | 48 |
at home to daylight and splendour in this good natured land the true bom and true bred english gentleman is a character i hold in great respect and i love to look back to the period when our forefathers in the same generous soil and hailed each other as brothers the when i contemplate him as springing too from the same source i feel ashamed of the relationship and am tempted to deny my origin in the character of is traced tlie complete outline of a true of english th and a of that individual character mentioned by in pure kindness to his horse his hay whim and opinions the stranger at home or a tour in by the younger preface your learned traveller begins his travels at the commencement of his journey others begin theirs at the end and a third class begin any how and any where which i think is the true way a late writer begins what he calls a picture of new with a particular description of s falls from whence with admirable dexterity he makes a to the celebrated mill rock on long island now this is what i like and i intend in my present tour to as often and as long as i please if therefore i choose to make a hop and jump to china or new holland or or i can produce a host of examples to justify me even in books that have been praised by the english whose of esq l being all that is necessary to give books a in this country i am determined as soon as i finish my edition of travels in seventy five volumes to it to them for judgment if these atlantic praise it i have no fear of its success in this country where their approbation gives like the tower stamp a value and makes and pass current for classic gold chapter i battery flag staff kept by louis two spy glasses by merchants pay two a year to look through them at the signal poles on island a very pleasant prospect but not so pleasant as that from the hill of ever been there young go down to the flag staff to buy nuts and beer after the fatigue of their morning studies and sometimes to play at ball or some other innocent amusement to the and games with a description of the of and that of and opinions to conclude with a on the indian custom of offering a of tobacco smoke to their great spirit return to the battery place to indulge in the luxury of sentiment how various are the of this world but a few days a few hours at least not above two hundred years ago and this spot was inhabited by a race of who dwelt in bark huts lived upon and indian corn danced dances and were lords of the fowl the brute but the spirit of time and the spirit of brandy have swept them from their ancient inheritance and as the white wave of the ocean by its gains on the brown land so the white man by slow and sure degrees has gained on the brown savage and him of the land of his forefathers conjectures on the first of america different opinions on that subject to the amount of near one hundred opinion of that they are the descendants of and who came by the way of to america says they came of esq from cold journey says they are descended from the bitter enough a from the from the le from the from the the from the from the and has written two volumes to prove that america was first of all peopled either by the or the who he might easily have made a passage to this country particularly the who he can get along under ground as fast as which of these is in the right or are they all wrong for my part t see why america has not as good a right to be peopled at first as any little contemptible country in europe or of asia and i am determined to write a book at my first leisure to prove that was born here and that so far is america from being indebted to any other country for inhabitants that they were y one of them peopled by colonies from her battery a very plea vol ii o whim and opinions place to walk on a sunday evening not quite genteel every body walks there and a pleasure however genuine is spoiled by general the fashionable ladies of new york turn up their noses if you ask them to walk on the oh sunday have they scruples of conscience or scruples of delicacy neither th have only scruples of are quite different things chapter ii custom house origin of duties this place much frequented by merchants and why different classes of merchants a kind of nobility r have the privilege of going to the city assembly cannot go to the s s some curious speculations on the vast distinction selling by the piece or by the yard sale merchants look down upon the who in return look down upon the n who down upon the market women who don t care a straw about any of them origin of the distinction of of esq horribly to settle the point al nd a good hint to purse proud a house for ther pictures belonging to the academy of t a ford t house room mc t of th in the of the city hall poor for the gods aiid after reflections on the and downs of hfe and the rest of the set used to cut | 48 |
a great in days of his day sorry for though poor to be lip in with not a single grace to wait on her on the of e academy of arts for the great spirit with which they be an the un and the perseverance with which have pursued it it is a pity however began at the wrong end if you a cage always buy the cage first hem i word to the wise i chapter iii green fine place for cow ti of the whim and opinions formerly ornamented with a statue of george iii people pulled it down in the war to make bullets great pity as it might have been given to the academy it would have become a cellar as well as any other great difference in the of streets a man who in pearl street or no kind of dignity from his but place him in a certain part of any where between the battery and wall street and he straightway becomes entitled to figure in the beau and as a person of prodigious consequence whether there is a degree of purity in the air of that quarter which changes the gross of vulgarity into gems of refinement and polish a question to be asked not to be answered wall street city hall famous places for and young lawyers which last attend the courts not because they have business there but because they have no business any where else my blood always when i see a they being a species of who feed and on the wretchedness of of esq mankind who trade in misery and in becoming the of the law by their oppression and almost all the benefits which are derived from its story of about a possessed by a devil who on being declared that he did not dome there voluntarily but by and that a decent devil would never of his own free will enter into the body of a instead therefore of doing him the injustice to say that here was a they should say it was a devil that being in reality the truth wonder what has become of the old of the court who used to make more noise in preserving silence than the audience did in breaking it if a man happened to drop his cane the old hero would sing out silence in a voice the wide mouthed thunder on inquiry found he had retired from business to enjoy as many a great man had before strange that wise men as they are thought should toil through a whole existence merely ta enjoy a few moments of leisure at last i b t they begin be easy l not a moment s pleasure with of pain posed some of the eh chapter iv pole three different orders of in new york who ire pigs n b and those who cut and those who notes of nd the la t are most respectable because in the of a year they make more t than the whole corps of other do in half a besides it would puzzle a common to ruin any man by cutting his throat whereas your higher order of true blood of the community seated the curtain in for y live upon the of the unfortunate and grow rich on the ruin of thousands yet this last of are held in high respect in the world they never offend the of life go often to church down on honest poverty walking on foot and esq s gentleman yea men of l set of capital i good things as they enable a few honest to the according to law besides if the people be such fools whose fault is it but their own if they get bit messrs pardon for putting them in s ch bad company because they are a couple of fine to recommend antique snuff box to all m the art eagle singing n b and the rest of the all natural not to know the eagle was a singing bird link knew better and gives a description of a bald eagle that him once in canada particular account of the indians story about learning to make of spider don t believe it because according to and many other learned authorities is the same as b ing derived from his greek name of and if o he knew well enough what a net s whim and opinions was without consulting a spider story of being changed into a spider as a reward for having hanged herself of the word from spider now the birth place of remarkable for a famous breed of to this day nothing like a little make the the majority of my readers stare like wild return to new york by a short cut meet a dashing in a thick white veil t tried to get a peep at her face saw she a little thought so at never saw a face covered with a veil that was worth looking at saw some ladies holding a conversation across the street about going to church next sunday talked so loud they frightened a s horse who ran away and a basket of with a little boy under it i don t much see the use of speaking trumpets now a days chapter v bought a pair of gloves dry good shops the genuine schools of true of esq manners there got a pair of gloves and a s worth of bows for a dollar street comer famous place to see the go by ever been with a lady some account of it ladies go into all the shops id the city to buy a of | 48 |
gloves good way of spending time if they have nothing else to do market looks very much like a arch some account of the manner of them in ancient times to the duke charles and some account of the ancient n b quote on this subject particular description of market baskets blocks and queer things run upon one wheel saw a driving through run over a child good enough for it what business had it to be in the way hint concerning the laws against pigs dogs and grand to the sublime science of comparison between and whether it requires greater ability to mend a law than to mend a kettle inquiry into the utility of making and opinions laws tl are a hun in a day j fit in my lord s f the subject i my lord a t ry great n an was lor p story a i i ed e s p o pi s great haunt of will put o there one ni t by a sea d in an argument concerning the of the c e e empire a place for hearing the sam th j me jokes and the same nigh except sunday fine young top of the longest d heads in the come e to settle the affairs of the nation scheme to restore of europe some of the balance of europe between it and a pair of scales with the emperor a r the pr in tl e other fine both of a can t teu which will kick the oi t c t e either nothing to me very unhappy about it thinks na r an eye on this country of esq place to pasture his horses and provide for the rest of his street ancient dutch name it valley formerly the site of a great oi hard my grandmother s history bs the famous wa arose from an indian ing ot of this orchard good cause need be for a war just as good a the balance of anecdote of a war between two italian states about a bucket introduce some capital new about the folly of mankind v the ambition pf kings and princes particularly alexander caesar charles xii napoleon little king and the great conclude with ab to the present race of to keep the king s peace and from all those deadly quarrels which produce battle murder and d ran my nose against a lamp post conclude in great o whim and opinions from my elbow chair our cousin after having been confined for some time past with a fit of the is a kind of keep sake in our family has again set his mill going as my readers will perceive on reading his piece i could not help smiling at the high compliments which contrary to his usual style he has on the dear sex the old gentleman unfortunately observing my merriment out of the room with great of and has not exchanged three words with ihe since i expect every hour to hear that he has packed up his and as usual in all cases of disgust retreated to his old country house like most of the old heroes is wonderfully susceptible to the genial influence of warm weather in winter he is one of the most old under heaven and is to sarcastic reflections of every kind particularly on the little and whim of women but when the spring comes on and of esq the mild influence of the sun nature from her icy the ice of his bosom into a gentle current which the qualities of the fair as in some mild clear evening when nature in silence the stream bears in its pure bosom all the magnificence of heaven it is under the control of this influence he has written his piece and i beg the ladies in the of their harmless conceit not to flatter themselves that because the good has suffered them to escape his he had nothing more to censure it is but sunshine and which have wrought this wonderful change and i am much mistaken if the first north don t convert all his good nature into most exquisite from the mill of esq how often i cast my reflections behind and call up the days of past to my mind when folly in new when fashion some fresh whim to whim and when the of fashion b my s ht ray ray senses i retreat in disgust from the world of to day to with the world that has d away to converse with the shades of those friends of my love long gather d in peace tb the angels above in my through life should i meet with annoy from the bold the boy one rear d in the mode lately reckoned genteel which the head aims to perfect the heel which the sweet while yet in his t and fits him for fashion s light scenes and though and as can be to and to parties him free oh i think on the that existed of on those rules of the ton that exist now no more i recall with delight how each at first in the cradle of science and virtue was nursed how of graces of mind a the polish of learning and fashion combined till soften d in manners and strengthen d in head by the classical lore of the living and dead in his person till manly in size he then was presented a beau to our eyes my of late have made frequent complaint that they suffer and painful by having their circles too often by some three or four just from the of esq who d by the credit their fathers sustain alike tender in years and in person and brain bat d with that substitute brass for true wits and critics would anxiously pass they complain | 48 |
is to our port from the of any foreign the society have it seems invented a cunning machine a by which the line of battle ship even a may be caught and in a twinkling a kind of sub marine powder magazine to swim under water like an or water rat and destroy the enemy in the moments of security this straw the noses of ah oar for to do our government justice it has no objection to and its enemies in any manner provided the thing can be done it was determined the experiment should be tried and an old was purchased for ik t more than twice its value and d over into the hands of its the north river society to be tortured and battered and a day was appointed for the occasion au the good citizens of the wonder city of were invited to the blowing p like of s q t ia who requested his customers to come on a certain day and me him as i have almost as a as good mr walter for all kinds of that are ridiculous i y ery particular mention of the one in question at the table of my friend but it put the honest old gentleman in a violent passion he condemned it in cm attempt to introduce a aad ex mode of ft already haye we proceeded far enough said he in the of destruction war is ah invested with horrors and let us increase the catalogue let us not by these provoke a system of fm hostility that may our cities desolate and exposing mr women our children and our to the sword of pitiless honest old i it was evident he did not reason as a true but he felt as a christian and and was j mt aa well and opinions it may be readily that our citizens id not refuse the invitation of the society to the blow up it was the first naval action ever exhibited in our port and the ood people all crowded to see the british navy blown up in the young ladies were delighted with the novelty of the show and declared that if war could be conducted in this manner it would become a fashionable amusement and the destruction of a fleet be as pleasant as a ball or a tea party the old folk were equally pleased with the spectacle because it cost them nothing dear souls how hard was it they should be disappointed the most refused to be the dinners grew cold and the were throughout the renowned city of and its inhabitants like the honest from whom most of them are doubtless descended who went out to see the courteous stranger and his nose all returned home after having threatened to pull down the flag staff by way of taking satisfaction for their disappointment by the way there is not an animal in the world more dis of esq in its vengeance than a free born mob in the evening i repaired to friend s to smoke a cigar but had scarcely entered the room when i was taken prisoner by my friend mr who i soon saw was at his usual trade of into mill stones the old gentleman informed me that the had actually been blown up after a world of and had nearly blown up the society with it he seemed to entertain strong doubts as to the objects of the society in the invention of these infernal machines hinted a suspicion of their wishing to set the river on fire and that he should not be surprised on waking one of these mornings to find the in a blaze not that i of the plan said he provided it has the end in view which they profess no no an excellent plan of defence no need of and gun boats observe sir all that s necessary is that the ships must come to anchor in a convenient place watch must be asleep or so as not to disturb any boats about them h opinions wind and tide no moonlight well directed mustn t flash in the hang s the word and the blown op in a moment i i good i said i you remind me of a chinese who was by an captain of my acquaintance and who on being to exclaimed hi two men hold fast him captain den very me he v the old gentleman grew a little and insisted that i did not understand him all that was requisite to render the effect certain was that the enemy should enter into the project or in common phrase be agreeable to the measure so that if the machine did not come to the ship the ship should go to the machine by which means he thought the success of the machine would be inevitable provided it struck fire but do not you think said i that it would be rather difficult to persuade the enemy into such an agreement some people have an invincible to being blown up u m not at all not at all replied he triumphantly got an excellent notion for that do of esq j with them a we have done with the buy all the vessels we mean to destroy and blow them up as best suits our convenience i have thought deeply on that subject and have calculated to a certainty that if our funds hold out we may in this way destroy the whole british navy by contract by this time all the of the room had gathered around us each with some mighty scheme for the salvation of his country one lamented that we had no such men among us as the famous and who when the celebrated | 48 |
captain made war against the city of utterly dis the great king and blew up his whole army by another imparted a sage idea which seems to have occupied more heads than one that is that the best way of the harbour was to ruin it at once choke the channel with rocks and blocks it with and and make it like a nursery garden full of men traps and spring guns no vessel would then have the to enter oar i o whim and opinions harbour we should not even dare to it ourselves or if no cheaper way could be devised let governor s island be raised by and floated with empty etc down to the and dropped plump in the very mouth of the harbour but said i a would not the of these whim be rather expensive and cried the other what s a million of money to an experiment the true spirit of our economy requires that we should spare no expense in discovering the mode of defending ourselves and then if all these modes should fail why you know the worst we have to do is to return to the old fashioned hum drum mode of and by which time cried i the arrival of the enemy may have rendered their superfluous a shrewd old gentleman who stood listening by with a look observed that the most effectual mode of a fleet from our ports would be to administer them a from time to time till it of esq unwilling to leave the company without my patriotism and ingenuity i communicated a plan of defence which in truth was suggested long since by that who had as clear a head for weaving as ever dignified the shoulders of a he thought the most effectual mode would be to all the great and small from all parts of the state and them at the battery where they should be exposed point blank to the enemy and form a body of scolding similar to the or of they should be to fibre away without pity or remorse in sheets half sheets columns hand bills or great little german text and to run their enemies through with sharp pointed they should have orders to show no quarter to blaze away in their a a robbers a and to do away all fear of consequences they should be from all dangers of kicking whim and pulling post or for if continued yoa wish men to fight well and they must be allowed those weapons they e been used to handle your countrymen are in the management of the tongue and the pen and conduct au their battles by speeches or newspapers adopt therefore the plan i have pointed out and rely up m it that any fleet however lai ge be but once assailed by this battery of and if they have not lost their sense of hearing or a regard for their own characters and feelings they will at the very first fire slip their and retreat with as much as if they had entered into the atmosphere of the in this manner may your wars be conducted with proper economy and it will cost no more to drive off a fleet than to write up a party or write down a of three tails the sly old gentleman i have before mentioned was highly delighted with this plan and proposed as an improvement that should be placed on the battery which of staff esq instead of throwing shells and such might be charged with newspapers addresses etc by way of red hot shot which would undoubtedly be very potent in blowing up any powder magazine they might chance to come in contact with he concluded by informing the company that in the course of a few evenings he would hav the honour to present them with a scheme for certain vessels with newspapers resolutions of numerous and respectable meetings and other which vessels were to be blown directly in the midst of the enemy by the of the and he was much mistaken if they would not be more fatal than fire gun boats or even these are but two or three specimens of the nature and of the innumerable plans with which this city every body seems charged to the with every eye flashes fire works and and every corner is occupied by knots of not one of whom but has some preposterous mode of whim and opinions tion which he has to he by a previous experiment in a tub of water even has caught the to the great annoyance of the inhabitants of hall whither he had retired to make his experiments undisturbed at one time all the in the house were their collected rays thrown into the to try plan of and the honest old gardener was almost knocked down by what he for a stroke of the sun but which turned out to be nothing more than a sudden attack of one of these tremendous jack it became dangerous to walk through the court yard for fear of an explosion and the whole family was thrown into distress and consternation by a letter from the old housekeeper to mrs informing her of his having blown up a favourite chinese which i had brought from as he was sailing in the duck pond a in the multitude of there is safety if so the city of has nothing to apprehend but much do i fear of esq that so many excellent and projects will be presented that we shall be at a loss hich to adopt and the inhabitants fare like a famous of my ance whose house was unfortunately while he was a patent lock to secure his my elbow chair a or | 48 |
what you will i in my elbow chair this fine summer noon i feel myself yielding to that genial feeling of the season is so well fitted to inspire every one who is with a little of the delicious languor of disposition that delights in repose must often have among the fairy scenes the golden visions the that swim before the imagination at such moments resembling those sensations a after his favourite whim and opinions of which will declares can be compared to nothing but in an ocean of feathers in such a mood every body must be sensible it would be idle and for a man to send his wits a on a voyage of discovery into or even to trouble himself with a laborious investigation of what is actually passing under his eye we are at such times more disposed to resort to the pleasures of memory than to those of the imagination and like the way traveller for a moment on his staff had rather contemplate the ground we have travelled than the region which is yet before us i could here amuse myself and my readers with a most elaborate and ingenious parallel between authors and travellers but in this season which makes men stupid and dogs mad and when doubtless many of our most admirers have great difficulty in keeping awake through the day it would be cruel to saddle them with the formidable difficulty of putting two ideas together and drawing a conclusion or in the of esq phrase in terrible undertaking for the dog days ta say the truth my observations were only to prove that this of all others is tlie most moment and my present the most favourable mood for indulging in a whether like certain great of the day in attempting to prove one thing i have exposed another or like certain other great personages in i to prove a great deal i have at all i leave to my readers to provided they have the power and inclination so to do hut a w i take notwithstanding i am perfectly aware that in doing this i lay open to the charge of imitation which a man might be better accused of right for it has been a standing rule vith many of my illustrious occasionally and particularly at the conclusion of a volume to look over their shoulder and chuckle at the miracles they had achieved but as i before i am determined to hold myself whim and opinions entirely independent of all manner of and as the only method of getting on in this world in any thing like a straight line true it is i may sometimes seem to angle a little for the good opinion of mankind by giving them some excellent reasons for doing unreasonable things but this is merely to show them that although i may occasionally go wrong it is not for want of knowing how to go right and here i will lay down a which will for ever me to i the gratitude of my inexperienced readers namely that a man always gets more credit in the eyes of this naughty world for than for through sheer ignorance it will doubtless be insisted by many ingenious who will be what does not at all concern them that this should have been taken at the commencement of our second volume it is usual i know moreover it is natural so soon as a writer has once accomplished a volume he forthwith becomes wonderfully increased in he steps upon his book as upon a i of esq g and is elevated in proportion to its magnitude a makes him one inch taller an three inches a six but he who has made out to swell a looks down upon his fellow creatures from such a fearful height that ten to one the poor man s head is turned for ever afterwards from such a lofty situation therefore it is natural an author should cast his eyes behind and having reached the first landing place on the stairs of immortality may reasonably be allowed to plead his to look back over the height he has ascended i have a little from this venerable custom merely that our might fall in the dog days of all days in the year most congenial to the indulgence of a little self inasmuch as people have then little to do but to retire within the sphere of self and make the most of what they find there let it not be supposed however that we ourselves a whit the wiser or better since we have finished our volume than we were before on the contrary we seriously whim and opinions assure our readers that we were fully possessed of all the wisdom and morality it contains at the moment we commenced writing it is the world which has grown wiser not we we have thrown our into the common stock of knowledge we have shared our morsel with the ignorant multitude and so far from ourselves above the world our sole endeavour has been to raise the world to our own level and make it as wise as we its disinterested to a moral writer like myself who next to his own comfort and entertainment has the good of his fellow citizens at heart a is but a sorry amusement like the industrious he often in silent disappointment his labours wasted on a barren soil or the seed he has carefully sown choked by a of worthless weeds i expected long ere this to have seen a complete in manners and morals achieved by our united efforts my fancy echoed to the voices of a generation i anticipated with proud satisfaction the period not far distant when our op esq work would be introduced into the with which every lane and alley of our cities abound when our would | 48 |
be gently into every unlucky by force of and my iron bound as taken by will be as notorious as that of esq or his no less renowned the illustrious of book immortality but well a day to let my readers into a profound secret the expectations of man are like the varied hues that tinge the distant prospect never to be realized never to be enjoyed but in perspective that the of the many air castles thou hast erected prove a fabric much does it grieve me to confess that after all our lectures and excellent the people of new york are nearly as much given to and ill nature as ever they are just as much abandoned to dancing and and as to scandal will me that by a rough since the last cargo of tea from arrived no less than eighteen whim have been blown up besides a of others that haye been shattered the ladies still labour under the same city of and delight in flesh coloured silk stockings it is however that our advice has had very considerable effect on them as they endeavour to act as opposite to it as possible this being what calls female independence as to the they abound as as v r in particularly on sundays and that he in company with a knot of a few evenings since when they a whole in a of imperial i have in the course of a month past detected no less than three families making their first towards style and in the very manner we have heretofore nor have our utmost efforts been able to check the progress of that alarming the rage for which though doubtless originally intended merely to ornament and conversation by little sports of fancy to and poison the of esq whole like the which the useful plant it first now i look upon an habitual as a upon conversation and i have remarked sometimes one of these sitting silent on the watch for an hour together until some unfortunately for the ease and quiet of company dropped a phrase susceptible of a double meaning when pop our would dart out hke a from her covert seize the unlucky word and after worrying and at it it was capable of no further again into silent and lie in wait for another opportunity even this might be borne with by the aid of a little philosophy but the worst of it is they are not content to manufacture and laugh heartily at them themselves but they expect we laugh with them which i consider ad an intolerable hardship and a on good nature let these gentlemen away conversation with and deal out their wits in bits if they please but i beg i may have the choice of refusing to their small whim and opinions change i am seriously afraid however that our is not quite free from the nay that it has even approached so near as to menace the tranquillity of my elbow chair for will as we were in council the other night absolutely and myself with a most palpable and had it been a it could not have the sentence of was but on his that like many celebrated wits he was merely other men s wares on commission he was for that once forgiven on condition of from such in future is particularly outrageous against and quite astonished and put me to a a day or two since by asking abruptly whether i thought a could be a good christian he followed up his question triumphantly offering to prove by sound logic and historical fact that the roman empire owed its decline and fall to a and that nothing tended so much to the french nation as their abominable rage c e mo of l esq but what above every thing else has caused me much vexation of spirit and displeased me most with this stiff nation is that in spite of all the serious and profound of the sage in his various letters they will talk they will still wag their tongues and chatter like very this is a degree of obstinacy incomprehensible in the extreme and is another proof how alarming is the force of habit and how difficult it is to reduce beings accustomed to talk to that state of silence which is the very of human wisdom we can only account for these disappointments in our moderate and reasonable expectations by supposing the world so deeply sunk in the mire of that not even were he to put his shoulder to the would be able to it we comfort ourselves however by the reflection that there are at least three good men left in this age to benefit the world by example should ultimately fail and for once an example from certain sleepy writers who after the first emotions whim and of surprise at finding their invaluable neglected or despised console with the idea that tis a stupid age and look forward to posterity for we our first volume to future generations and much good may it do them heaven grant they may be able to read it for if our fashionable mode of education continues to improve as of late i am under serious apprehensions that the period is not far distant when the discipline of the dancing master will that of the and the and the heels by an obtain entire pre eminence over the head how does my heart for poor dear posterity when this work shall become as unintelligible to our as it seems to be to their and in fact for i love to be candid we begin to suspect that many people read our numbers merely for their amusement without paying any attention to the serious truths conveyed in every page want of penetration not | 48 |
that we wish to our of esq readers in the article of laughing which we consider as one of the dearest of man and the characteristic which raises him above all other animals let them laugh therefore if they will provided they profit at the same time and do not mistake our object it is one of our facts that it is easier to laugh ten follies out of countenance than to reason or a man out of one in this odd singular and indescribable age which is neither the age of gold iron brass chivalry nor whatever sir john may assert a grave writer who attempts to attack folly with the heavy of moral reasoning will fare like s honest who clearly by angles etc after the manner of that it was wrong to do evil and was laughed at for his pains take my word for it a little well applied ridicule like s application of to rocks will do more with certain hard heads and hearts than all the logic or in or but the people of wise souls i are so much accustomed to see morality vol ii whim opinions approach them clothed in and with leaden eye that loves the ground that they can never recognise her when in gay attire she comes towards them with smiles and sunshine in her countenance well let the remain in happy ignorance for k ignorance is bliss as the poet says and i put as faith in poetry as i do in the or the news paper we will improve them without their being the wiser for it and they shall become better in spite of their teeth and without their having the least suspicion of the working within them among all our manifold however still some small but vivid rays of occasionally along our path cheering our steps and inviting us to the public l ve paid ome little regard to a few articles of our advice they have purchased our numbers freely so much for our they have read them attentively so much the better for themselves the melancholy fate of my dear aunt charity of esq has had a wonderful effect and i have now me a letter from a gentleman who lives opposite to a couple of old ladies remarkable for the interest they took in his affairs his apartments were absolutely in a state of block and he was on the point of changing his lodgings or until the appearance of our ninth number which he immediately sent over with his compliments the good ladies took the hint and have scarcely appeared at their window since as to the wooden gentlemen our friend miss sparkle me they are wonderfully improved by our and sometimes venture to make a remark or attempt a in company to the great of all who happen to understand them as to red they are entirely discarded from the fair shoulders of our ladies ever since the last of finery nor has any lady since the cold weather ventured to expose her elbows to the admiring gaze of passengers but there is one victory we have achieved which has given us more pleasure than to have written down the whole administration i am i whim and opinions assured from authority that our young ladies doubtless in consequence of our have not once indulged in that and dance the ever since warm weather commenced true it is i understand an attempt was made to exhibit it by some of the fair ones at the last african ball but it was highly of by all the respectable elderly ladies present these are sweet sources of comfort to for the many wrongs and heaped upon us by the world for even we have experienced its ill nature how often have we heard ourselves reproached for the of the how often have we been accused of emotions which never found an entrance into our how often have our been to serve the purposes of particular enmity and bitterness spirits little do they know our dispositions we lack to wound the feelings of a single innocent individual we can even them from the very bottom of our souls may they of l esq meet as ready a forgiveness from their own like true and independent having no domestic cares to interfere v ith our general benevolence we consider it incumbent upon us to watch over the welfare of society and although we are indebted to the world for little else than left handed yet we feel a proud satisfaction in evil with good and the sneer of with the smile of good humour with these mingled motives of selfishness and we commenced our work and if we cannot solace ourselves with the consciousness of having done much good yet there is still one pleasing consolation left which the world can neither give nor take away there are moments lingering moments of indifference and heavy hearted despondency when our best hopes and affections as they sometimes will from their hold on those objects to which they usually cling for support seem abandoned on the wide waste of cheerless existence without a place to cast anchor without a shore in view to excite a single wish or to give a momentary whim and opinions interest to contemplation we look back with delight upon many of these moments of mental gloom away by the exercise of our pen and consider every such triumph over the as the hand of time in its ments on our brows if in addition to our own amusements we have as we laughing along brushed away one tear of and called forth a smile in its place if we have brightened the pale countenance of a single child of sorrow we shall feel almost as much joy and rejoicing as a does when he his pen | 48 |
to talk no sooner therefore is a full charged with the i have mentioned but his tongue is in motion he forth to give it exercise and woe to every one he he is like one charged with present but a of esq il and you draw a spark now it is a thousand to one that every person he meets is just as highly charged as himself with the self same too and fully as eager to give them vent the only difference is that as each goes according to the doctrine of his respective their views of every subject are here then arises as fair an opportunity for a battle of words as heart could wish and thou may est rely upon it they do not let it pass they sometimes begin with argument but in process of time as the tongue wanton reproach follows close at its heels from political abuse they proceed to personal and thus often is a friendship of years trampled down by this gigantic dwarf of politics the issue of ambition and ignorance there would be but little harm indeed in all this if it ended merely in a broken head for this might soon be healed and the if any remained might serve as a warning against future at the worst the loss of such heads as these would be a gain to the na whim and opinions don bat evil extends far deeper it threat to all social intercourse and even to the sacred union of and kindred the is disturbed the til fire side is invaded the smile of social is chased the bond of social love is broken by the everlasting intrusion of this who in the sparkling bo l by the fire side in the friendly circle every avenue to pleasure and like an sits on the bosom of society pressing down and every throb of liberal but thou wilt perhaps ask a what can these people dispute about one would suppose that being all free and l they would as brothers children of the same parent and equal of the same inheritance this in theory is most exquisite my good friend but in practice it turns out the very of a madman equality is one of the most that ever crept from the brain of a political a fellow who his hand into the pocket of honest industry or talent and of esq h hard earned profits on idleness or stupidity there always be an among mankind so long as a portion of it is enlightened and industrious and the rest idle and ignorant the one will acquire a larger share of wealth and the at comforts and luxuries of life and the influence and power which those will always possess who have the greatest ability of to the necessities of fellow creatures these advantages will inevitably excite envy and envy will as inevitably ill will hence arises that eternal warfare which the lower orders of society against those who have raised themselves by their own merits or have been raised by the merits of their ancestors above the common in a nation possessed of quick feelings this hostility might deadly and bloody but in this nation of quick tongues it merely itself in in of character and what is termed a murder of the king s english i cannot help smiling sometimes to see the n whim and opinions solicitude with which the people of america so called from the country having been first discovered by battle about them when any election takes place as if they had the least concern in the matter or were to be by an exchange of they really seem ignorant that none but the and their are at all interested in the event and that the people at large will not find their situation altered in the least i formerly gave thee an account of an election which took place under my eye result has been that the people as some of the say have obtained a glorious triumph which however is denied by the opposite who insist that their own party is composed of the true sovereign people and that the others are all and irish i ought to thee that the last is a term of great reproach here which perhaps thou not otherwise imagine considering that it is not many years since this very people were engaged in a revolution the failure of which would have subjected them to the same op esq epithet and a in which is now the highest recommendation to confidence by but it cannot be denied that the of this people like every thing else to them is on a prodigious great scale to return however to the event of the election the people and much good has it done them i for my part expected to see wonderful changes and i ex to see the people all rich that they would be all gentlemen riding in their from toil and in luxurious ease wilt thou credit me when i declare to thee that every thing remains exactly in the state it was before the last campaign a few noisy it is true have crept into office and a few noisy on the other side have been kicked out otherwise there is not the least difference the still toils for his daily bread the beggar still lives on the charity of those who have any charity to bestow and the only solid satisfaction the multitude have is that they have got a new governor or i whim and opinions as usual they will praise and for a while and afterwards notwithstanding the merits he may possess they will abuse and pull down such my dear is the way in which the people of the most enlightened country under the are puffed up with mighty like a certain fish i have | 48 |
seen h re which his belly for a short time will swell to twice his usual size and become a mere of wind and vanity the blessing of a true light on thee good ever while thou be true to thy prophet and rejoice that though the of this cast upon thy countrymen the epithet of slaves thou in a country where the people instead of being at the mercy of a tyrant with a million of heads have but to submit to the will of a of only three tails ever thine of esq i il hall by esq those who pass their time in the smoke of the city amid the rattling of carts the of the multitude and the variety of sounds that prey upon the nerves and a weariness of the spirits can alone understand and feel that of the heart that physical which a citizen experiences when he forth from his dusty prison to breathe the free air of heaven and enjoy the clear face of nature who that has by the side of one of our majestic rivers at the hour of sun set when the wildly romantic scenery around is softened and tinted by the mist of evening when the bold and swelling outlines of the distant mountain seem melting into the glowing horizon and a rich mantle of is thrown over the whole expanse of the heavens but must have felt how abundant is nature in sources of pure enjoyment how luxuriant in all that can the senses or vol ii whim and opinions delight the imagination the full with native fragrance sweetly to the senses the of the thousand varieties of insects with which our abound forms a concert of simple melody even the barking of the farm dog the of the cattle the of their bells and the strokes of the s axe from the opposite shore seem to partake of the softness of the scene and fall upon the ear while the voice of the some rustic ballad from a distance in the semblance of the very music of harmonious love at such time i am conscious of the influence of nature upon the heart i cast my eyes around all is serene and beautiful the sweet tranquillity the calm settle upon my soul no in my bosom every angry on is at rest i am at peace with the whole world and hail all mankind as friends and brothers moments ye recall the careless days of my boyhood when mere existence was happiness when hope was this world a paradise and every of esq woman a angel surely man was designed for a tenant of the universe instead of being pent up in these dismal of strife disease and discord we were created to range the fields to sport among the groves to build castles in the air and have every one of them realized a whole of reflections like these themselves into my mind and stole me from the influence of the cold realities before me as took my accustomed walk a few weeks since on the battery here watching the splendid of one of our summer skies which the boasted glories of an italian sun set i all at e discovered that it was but to pack up my bid adieu for a while to my elbow chair and in a little time i should be transported from the region of smoke and noise and dust to the enjoyment of far sweeter prospect and a brighter sky the next morning i was off full to leaving my man to follow at his leisure with my ge love to indulge in rapid which are prompted whim and opinions by the quick impulse of the moment tis the only mode of guarding against that and deadly foe to all parties of pleasure anticipation having now made good my retreat until the black commence it is but a piece of civility due to my readers who i trust are ere this my friends to give them a proper introduction to my present residence i do this as much to gratify them as myself well knowing a reader is always anxious to learn how his author is lodged whether in a garret or a cellar a or a palace at least an author is generally vain enough to think so and an author s vanity ought sometimes to be gratified poor devil it is often the only gratification he ever tastes in this world hall is the country residence of the family or rather the paternal mansion which like the mother country sends forth whole colonies to people the face of the earth it the family hive and there is at least as much truth as humour in my cousin s epithet for many a swarm has it produced i don t recollect of esq whether i have at any time mentioned to my readers for i seldom look back on what i have written that the of the is the female members of the family are fruitful and to use a favourite phrase of old who is excessively to they seldom fail to throw every time w i myself have known three or four very industrious young men reduced to great by some of these capital heaven smiled upon their union and enriched them with a numerous and hopeful offspring who eat them out of doors but to return to the hall it is pleasantly situated on the bank of a pastoral stream not so near town as to invite an of idle acquaintance who come to away an afternoon nor so distant as to render it an absolute deed of charity or friendship to perform the journey it is one of the oldest in the country and was built by my cousin s grandfather who was also mine by the mother s side in his latter days to | 48 |
form as the old gentleman expressed and opinions himself a snug retreat where he meant to sit himself down in his old days and be comfortable for the rest of his life he was at this time a few years over but this was a common ss of his with which he usually closed his airy speculations one would have thought from the long vista of years through which he contemplated many of his projects that the good man had forgotten that the age of the had long since gone by and calculated upon living a century longer at least he was for a considerable time in doubt on the question of his house with or slate would not last above thirty years but then they were much cheaper than he settled the matter by a kind of compromise and determined to build with first and when they are worn out said the old gentleman triumphantly be time enough to replace them with more du materials but his contemplated improvements surpassed every thing and scarcely had he a roof over his head when he discovered a thousand things to be arranged of esq before he could sit down comfortably in the first place every tree and bush on the place was cut down or up by the roots because they were not placed to his mind and a vast quantity of oaks and elms set out in and rows and which he observed in about twenty or thirty years at most would yield a very tolerable shade and moreover would shut out all the surrounding country for he was determined he said to have all his views on his own land and be to no man for a prospect this my learned readers will perceive was something very like the idea of de who gave as a reason for preferring one of his seats above all the others that all the ground within view of it was his own now whether my ever heard of the is more than i can say i rather think however from the characteristic originality of the that it was a whim of his own another odd notion of the old gentleman was to blow up a large bed of rocks for the purpose of having a fish pond al whim and opinions though the river ran at about one hundred yards distance from the house and was well stored with fish but there was nothing he said like having things to one s self so at it he went with all the of a who has just hit upon some splendid and useless whim as he proceeded his views enlarged he would have a built on the margin of the fish pond he would have it surrounded with elms and and he would have a cellar dug under it for some incomprehensible purpose which remains a secret to this day in a few years he observed it would be a delightful piece of w ood and water where he might on a summer s noon smoke his pipe and enjoy himself in his old days thrice honest old soul i he died of an in his year just as he had begun to blow up the fish pond let no one ridicule the whim of my grandfather if and of this there is no doubt for wise men have said it if life be but a dream happy is he who can make the most of the illusion of esq l g since my grandfather s death the hall has passed through the hands of a succession of true old like himself who in observing the golden rules of hospitality which according to the principle consist in giving a guest the freedom of the house him with beef and and if possible laying him under the table with prime port and the mansion appears to have been consecrated to the jolly god and with monuments sacred to every chest of drawers clothes press and cabinet is decorated with enormous china which mrs has with much particularly in her favourite red bed chamber and in which a might find room to practise his experiments on bells and sub marine boats i have before mentioned cousin s profound veneration for antique furniture in consequence of which the old hall is furnished in much the same style with the house in town old fashioned l o whim and opinions with high clothes presses standing most on claws and ornamented with a profusion of shining brass handles and hinges and around the grand parlour are solemnly arranged a set of high backed leather mahogany chairs that always remind me of the formal long who flourished in stays and about the time they were in fashion if i may judge from their height it was not the fashion for gentlemen in those days to over the back of a lady s chair and whisper in her ear what might be as well spoken aloud at least they must have been to have effected it will declares that he saw a little fat german gallant attempt once to whisper miss in this manner but being caught by the chin he and kicked about for half a minute before he could find but will ia much to by reason of his having been a great traveller but what the more especially of esq i j r pride themselves upon is the possession of several family portraits which exhibit as honest a set of square well fed gentlemen and as ever grew and flourished under the pencil of a dutch painter old who is a complete has a story to tell of each and vith copious eloquence on the great services of the general in large sleeves during the old french war and on the piety of the lady | 48 |
in blue velvet so attentively her book and was once celebrated for a beautiful arm but much as i reverence my illustrious ancestors i find little to admire in their biography except my cousin s memory which is most of every uninteresting particular my allotted chamber in the hall is the same that was occupied in days of by my honoured uncle john the room many which recall to my remembrance the solid excellence and amiable of that gallant old lad over the mantel piece hangs the portrait of a young lady dressed in a long blue silk whim and opinions gown be and be and in a most abundant manner she holds in one hand a book which she very to turn and smile on the spectator in the other a flower which i hope for the honour of dame nature was the sole production of the painter s imagination and a little behind her is something tied to a blue but whether a little dog a monkey or a pigeon must be left to the judgment of future this little tradition says was my uncle john s third flame and he would have run away with her could he have persuaded her into the measure but at that time ladies were not quite so easily run away with as and my uncle failing in the point took a lucky thought and with great gallantry ran off with her picture which he conveyed in triumph to hall and hung up in his bed chamber as a monument of his spirit the old gentleman himself on his always chuckled and pulled up his stock when he contemplated the picture and of esq i never related the without winding up a i might indeed have carried off the original had i chose to a little longer after her chariot wheels for to do the girl justice i believe she had a liking for me but i always scorned to my boy always twas my way my uncle john was of a happy temperament i would give half i am worth for his talent at self consolation the miss have made several spirited attempts to introduce modern furniture into the hall but with very indifferent success modern style has always been an object of great annoyance to honest and is ever treated by him with sovereign contempt as an intruder it is a common observation of his old fashioned substantial furniture the respectability of one s ancestors and that the family has been used to hold up its head for more than the present generation whereas the fragile of modern style seem of and to his mind that the family dignity will and vanish with its transient finery l and the same whim makes him averse to having his house surrounded with which he as mere just fit to ornament the palaces of modern gentry and characteristic of the they indeed so far does he carry his veneration for antique that he can scarcely see the dust brushed from its resting place on the old fashioned or a gray bearded spider from his ancient inheritance without groaning and i once saw him in a transport of passion on s knocking down a with his ball which had been set up in the latter days of my grandfather another object of his peculiar affection is an old english cherry tree which against a corner of the hall and whether the house it or it the house would be i believe a question of some difficulty to decide it is held sacred by friend because he planted and reared it himself and had once well nigh broken his neck by a fall from one of its branches this is one of his favourite stories and there is reason to be of esq i that if the tree were out of the way the old gentleman would forget the whole affair which would be a great pity the old tree has long since ceased bearing and is exceedingly every tempest it of and one would suppose from the of my friend on such occasions that he had lost one of his own he often it in a half melancholy half humour together he says have we flourished and together shall we away a few years and both our heads will be laid low and perhaps my bones may one day or other mingle with the dust of the tree i have planted he often fancies he says that it to see him when he the hall and that its leaves assume a brighter as if to welcome his arrival how are our tenderest feelings assailed at one time the old tree had a withered branch before miss s window and she desired her father to order the gardener to saw it off i shall never forget the old man s answer and the look that accompanied it what cried he off the l whim and opinions limbs of my cherry ti ee in its old age why do you not cut off the gray locks of your poor old father do my readers at this long family detail they are welcome to throw down our work and never resume it again i have no care for such spirits and will not throw away a thought on one of them full often have i contributed to their amusement and have i not a right for once to consult my own who is there that does not fondly turn at times to linger round those scenes which were once the haunt of his boyhood ere bis heart grew heavy and his head gray and to dwell with fond affection on the friends who have themselves his heart mingled in all his contributed to all his if there be any who cannot relish these let them despair for | 48 |
they have been so soiled in their intercourse with the world as to be incapable of some of the purest pleasures that survive the period of youth to such as have not yet lost the rural feeling i address this simple family picture and in i r a of esq x honest sincerity of heart i invite them to turn aside from bustle care and toil to with me for a season in the hospitable mansion of the i was really apprehensive on reading the following of will that he still retained that after of which we lately convicted him he however declares that he is fully by the example of the most popular critics and wits of the present age whose manner and matter he has closely and he himself successfully copied in the subsequent essay theatrical by william esq the uncommon of the season occasioned as several learned assure me by the of the has encouraged the of our dramatic corps to his forces and commence and opinions the campaign at a much earlier day than he has been induced to take the field thus suddenly i am told by the invasion of certain foreign who pitched their at garden during the warm months and taking advantage of his army being and dispersed in summer quarters committed sad upon the borders of his carrying off a considerable portion of his winter harvest and some of his most distinguished characters it is true these hardy have been reduced to great extremity by the late heavy rains which injured and destroyed much of their camp besides the best part of their wardrobe two cities a car and a new moon for together with the s boy who was employed every night to powder it and make it shine white have been entirely washed away and the sea has become very wet and that great apprehensions are entertained that it will never be dry enough for use add to this the noble county paris had the misfortune to tear his c breeches of esq in the with by reason of the tomb being very wet which occasioned him to sup and he and his noble rival possessing but one poor pair of satin ones between them were reduced to considerable to keep up the dignity of their respective houses in of these and circumstances they have continued to most performing with much ease and confidence inasmuch as they were seldom with an audience to and put them out of countenance it is that the last heavy shower has absolutely dissolved the company and that our manager has nothing further to apprehend from that quarter the theatre opened on wednesday last with great as we critics say and almost in brilliancy with that of my superb friend in where the castles were all ivory the sea mother of pearl the skies gold and silver leaf and the outside of the boxes with shell work those who want a better description of the theatre may as well go and see it and then they can l o whim and opinions judge for themselves for the gratification of a highly respectable class of readers who love to see every on paper i had indeed prepared a and truly incomprehensible account of it such as your traveller always fills his book with and which i defy the most intelligent even the great sir to i liad and and pillars and and and and and and and fore had set all the orders of architecture etc together by the ears in order to work out a satisfactory description but the manager having sent me a polite note that i would not take off the sharp edge as he expresses it of public curiosity thereby the of his house i have willingly consented to oblige him and have left my description at the office of our where any person may see it provided he applies at a proper hour i cannot refrain here from giving vent to the satisfaction i received from the excellent of esq performances of the different actors one and all and particularly the gentlemen who shifted the scenes who themselves throughout with great dignity pathos and effect nor must i pass over the peculiar merits of my friend john who off the chairs and tables in the most dignified and manner indeed i have had frequent occasion to the with which this gentleman the parts allotted to him and consider him as one of the best general in the company my friend the found considerable fault with the manner in which john a huge rock from behind the maintaining that he should have put his left foot forward and it with his right hand that being the method practised by his of the royal theatres and universally approved by th ir best critics he also took exceptions to john s coat which he pronounced too short by a foot at least particularly when he turned his back to the company but i look upon these objections in the same light as new and insist that john shall be allowed to l whim and opinions his chairs and tables his rocks and wear his skirts in that style which his genius best affects my hopes in the rising merit of this favourite actor daily increase and i would hint to the manager the propriety of giving him a benefit in the usual style of play bills as a to catch that between the play and farce john will make a bow for that night only i am told that no pains have been spared to make the of this season as splendid as possible several expert rat have been sent into different parts of the country to catch white for the grand of a nest full of little have been taken in the neighbourhood of they are as yet but half of the true holland breed | 48 |
and it is hoped will be able to fly about by the middle of october otherwise they will be suspended about the stage by the like little in an s shop as the must positively be performed by that time great pains and expense have been in of esq ft in the of one of the most in new england and the public may be assured there is now one on board a vessel from new haven which will contain s coach and six with perfect ease were the white even ten times as large also several barrels of hail rain and are in store for of which a number are to be played off this winter it is whispered me that the great thunder drum has been new and an expert on that instrument engaged who will thunder in plain english so as to be understood by the most this will be infinitely to the miserable italian employed last winter by mr who performed in such an unnatural and tongue that none but the scholars of da could understand him it will be a further gratification to the patriotic audience to know that the present is a fellow bom at among the echoes of the whim and opinions and that he with peculiar emphasis and in the true style of a fourth of july orator in addition to all these additions the manager has provided an entire new snow storm the very sight of which will be sufficient to draw a shawl over every naked bosom in the theatre the snow is perfectly fresh having been last august n b the outside of the theatre has been ornamented with a new chimney i of esq no xv thursday october i sketches from nature by the brisk north which prevailed not since had a powerful effect in the progress of and wild in their fashionable northern tour and turning them back to the more region of the south among the rest i was encountered full butt by a blast which set my teeth chattering just as i doubled one of the frowning of the mountains in my route to and facing about i forthwith before the wind and a few days since arrived at my old quarters in new york my first care on returning from so long an absence was to visit the worthy family of the whom i found safe in their country mansion on inquiring for my highly respected vol n whim i learned with great concern that he had into one of his eccentric fits of the ever since the era of a dinner given by old to some of the neighbouring wherein the old gentleman had achieved a glorious victory in laying honest fairly under the table although fond of the social board and glass yet any excess and has an aversion to getting mellow considering it a wilful outrage on the of imperial mind a senseless abuse of tb body and an because a of both mental and personal dignity i have heard him subject in a style that would have done honour to michael himself but i believe if the truth were this arises from his having as the phrase is but a weak head and nerves so extremely that he is sure to suffer severely from a and will groan and make resolutions against it for a week afterwards he therefore took this of old s and the consequent which he of t j had kept from company and appeared to be meditating some die p plan of upon his old he had however for or two shown some symptoms of had listened without more than half a dozen of impatience to one of s long stories and even was seen to smile for the one hundred and time at a venerable joke originally borrowed from joe miller but by dint of long and frequent repetition the old now firmly believes happened to himself somewhere in new england as i am well acquainted with s haunts i soon found him out he was ing on his favourite bench rudely constructed at the foot of an old tree which is full of fan and with its spreading branches a of luxuriant foliage this tree is a kind of of the short of his uncle john s and its trunk is with of true lovers hearts names arid whim and opinions frail of the variety of the fair who the wandering fancy of that old in the days of his youthful romance holds this tree in particular regard as he does every thing else connected with the memory of his good uncle john he was in one of his usual studies against its trunk and gazing upon the river that glided just hy washing the drooping branches of the dwarf that fringed its bank my appearance roused he grasp ed my hand with his usual warmth and with a tremulous but close pressure which spoke that his heart entered into the salutation after a number of affectionate inquiries and such as friendship not form dictated he seemed to into his former flow of thought and to resume the chain of ideas my appearance had broken for a moment i was reflecting said he my dear upon some observations i made in our last number and considering whether the sight of objects once dear to the affections or of scenes where we have passed different happy periods of early life really occasions most enjoyment i of staff esq or most regret our acquaintance with well known but long separated objects it is true the recollection of former pleasures and touches the tenderest feelings of the heart as the of a delicious will remain upon the long after the cup has parted from the lips but on the other hand my friend these same objects are too apt to awaken us to a | 48 |
recollection of what we were when they once delighted us and to provoke a and melancholy contrast with what we are at present they act in a manner as mile stones of existence showing us how far we have travelled in the journey of life how much of our weary but fascinating pilgrimage is accomplished i look round me and my eye fondly the fields i once over the river in which i swam and the orchard i robbed in the days of boyhood the fields are still green the river still rolls and and the orchard is still flourishing and fruitful it is i only am changed the thoughtless flow of mad cap spirits that nothing could l o opinions the of that ei me to bound over the field to stem the and climb the tree the sunshine of the breast that beamed an charm r every object and ted a paradise me where are they the lapse of years has stolen them away and left in return nothing but gray hairs and a spirit my friend concluded his with a sigh and as i saw he was still the influence of a whole of the and just on the point of sinking into one of his and unreasonable fits of melancholy abstraction i proposed a walk he consented and slipped his left arm in mine aod waving in the other a gold headed thorn him by his uncle john we along the margin of the river though possessing great of temper is most subject to thick coming fancies and i do man whose animal spirits do insult him with more and and slippery tricks in these moods he is often visited a whim which he in common of l esq f vith the it is that of looking back regret up the of good old times and them in finery with the spoils of his fancy like a good widow lady the loss of the ft poor dear man for whom while living she cared not a rush i have seen him and and old amuse themselves over a bottle with their youthful days until by the time they had become what is termed merry they were the most miserable beings in in a similar humour was at present and i knew the only way was to let him out of it our was soon interrupted by the appearance of a personage of no little importance at hall for to let my readers into a family secret friend is no hen by an old negro who has on the place and is his master and my readers if they have in the country and become in rural manners must have observed that there is scarce a little hamlet but has of these old whim and opinions of who ranks among the great characters of the place he is always resorted to as an to any question about the weather fishing shooting farming and horse and on such occasions will his remnant of a hat on one side fold his arms roll his white eyes and examine the sky with a look as knowing as peter s when peeping into a such a sage is old caesar who acts as friend s prime minister or grand when abroad his master s style and title to wit squire and is in effect absolute lord and ruler of the soil as he passed us he pulled off his hat with an air of something more than respect it partook i thought of affection there now is another of the kind i have been noticing said caesar was a bosom friend and chosen of cousin and myself when we were boys never were we so happy as when stealing away on a holiday to the hall we ranged about the fields with honest caesar he was particularly of esq in making our traps and fish ing rods was always the in the schemes of mischief by the of the neighbourhood considered himself on an equality with the best of us and many a hard battle have i had with him about a division of the spoils of an orchard or the title to a bird s nest many a summer evening do i remember when huddled together on the steps of the hall door caesar with his stories of ghosts and would put us all in a panic and people every lane and church yard and solitary wood with imaginary beings in process of time he became the constant attendant and man friday of cousin whenever he went among the rosy country girls of the neighbouring farms and brought up the rear at every rustic dance when he would mingle in the group that always thronged the door of merriment and it was enough to put to the a host of to see his mouth gradually from ear to ear with pride and exultation at seeing how neatly master footed it over the floor i whim and opinions caesar if as likewise the and special agent of in all his love until as his evil stars have it on being with the of a poetic to one of his patron s be took an unlucky notion to send it to his who not being able to read it took it to her mistress nd so the whole affair was blown was toast ed and caesar discharged for ever from bis confidence poor caesar he has now grown old like his young masters hat he still remembers times and will now and then remind me of them as he lights me to my room and a little while to bid me a good night believe me my dear the honest simple old creature has a warm corner in my heart i don t see for my part why a body may not like | 48 |
shows that these qualities rather his inasmuch as they are prone to render him too erect and are directly at with that which a man to wind and twist through all the and turns and dark winding passages that lead to greatness the grand requisite for climbing the rugged hill of popularity the summit of which is the seat of power is to be useful and here once more for the sake of our readers who are of course not so wise as ourselves i must explain what we under of l esq stand by the horse in his native state is wild swift impetuous full of majesty of a most generous spirit it is then the animal is noble exalted and useless but him him him break down his lofty spirit put the into his mouth the load upon his back and render him obedient to the bridle and the lash and he becomes useful your is one of the most useful animals in existence if my readers do not now understand what i mean by usefulness i give them all up for most absolute to rise in this country a man must first descend the may to that insect called the pronounced by a distinguished personage to the only industrious animal in virginia which itself in and works in the dirt until it forms a little ball which it rolls laboriously along like his tub sometimes head sometimes tail foremost every mud hole and increasing its ball of greatness by the of the just so the candidate for greatness he whim and opinions himself in the mob labours in dirt and obscurity and makes unto himself the of a popular name from the admiration and praises of the his name once started onward he goes pushing it before him collect ing new from the and of society as he proceeds until having gathered together a mighty mass of popularity he it in triumph is hoisted into office and becomes a great man and a ruler in the land all this will be clearly illustrated by a sketch of a worthy of the kind who sprung up under my eye and was from the dirt by the broad rays of popularity which like the sun can breed in a dead log was a young man of very promising talents for he wrote a fair hand and had thrice won the silver at a country academy he was also an orator for he talked with emphatic and could argue a full hour without taking either side or advancing a single opinion he had still farther for eloquence for he made very handsome gestures had in his cheeks when he smiled and most bar of esq l through his nose i n short nature had certainly marked him out for a great man for though he was not tall yet he added at least half an inch to his stature by his head and assumed an amazing expression of dignity by turning up his nose and curling his nostrils in a style of conscious superiority convinced by these appearances s friends one and all declared that he was undoubtedly born to be a great man and it would be his own fault if he were not one was with an opinion which so happily with his own for vanity in a confidential whisper had given him the like intimation and he the judgment of his friends because they thought so highly of himself accordingly he set out with a determination to become a great man and to start in the race for honour and renown how to attain the desired prize was however the question he knew by a kind of instinctive feeling which seem peculiar to minds that honour and its better part profit would never seek him out that they would never knock at his door and l whim and opinions but must be and toiled after and earned he therefore into the the market places and the of the people like a true orator about virtue patriotism and liberty and equality and himself full many a political did he battle with and full many a time did he talk himself out of and his hearers out of their patience but found to his vast astonishment that there was not a notorious political at a ward meeting but could out talk him what was still more there was not a notorious political but was more no and than himself the reason was simple enough while he about principles the others about men where he a political error they a political character they were consequently the most useful for the great object of ant political is not who shall have the honour of the from the leading strings of delusion but who shall have the profit of holding the strings and lead the community by the nose of esq j was likewise lead ia bis of integrity and di words which from being and refined news papers election band bills lost their original and in tbe political dictionary are with empty pockets palms and interested ambition he in tion to all this declared that be would support none but honest men but as but few of these offered themselves to be supported s services were seldom required he pledged himself never to engage in party schemes or party politics but to stand op solely for the broad interests of bis try so he stood alone and what is the same thing he stood still for in this country he who does not side with either party is like a body in a and must for ever remain motionless was surprised that a man so honest so disinterested and so withal and one too who had the good of his country so much at heart should thus remain unnoticed and a little whim and opinions worldly advice whispered in | 48 |
his ear by a shrewd old at once explained the whole mystery he who would become great said he must serve an to greatness and y regular like the master of a vessel who by being and cabin boy he must jn the train of great men echo all their sentiments become their and laugh at all their jokes and above all endeavour to make them laugh if you only make a great man laugh now and then your fortune is made about you and you will not see a single little great man of the day but has his herd of who at his heels come at his whistle worry he points at and think themselves fully rewarded by snapping up the that fall from his table talk of patriotism and virtue and tut man i they are the very qualities that scare and keep patronage at a distance you might as well attempt to with red rags and lay all these aside and let this be your that a of esq candidate for political eminence is like a dried he never becomes luminous until he is corrupt caught with at these congenial doctrines and turned into his channel of action with the force and rapidity of a stream which has for a while been restrained from its natural course he became what nature had fitted him to be his tone softened down from self to the of he mingled in the of the sovereign people assumed a patriotic of dress argued most with those who were of his own opinion and with all the malice of exalted characters whose he ever to approach just as that scoundrel midnight thief the owl at the blessed light of the sun whose glorious lustre he dares never contemplate he likewise applied himself to discharge the honourable duties of a he about for private and anecdotes he folded hand bills he even wrote one or two himself which he carried about in whim and opinions his pocket and read to every body he became a secretary at ward meetings set his hand to divers resolutions of patriotic import and even once went so fer as to make a speech in which he proved that patriotism was a virtue that the was a great man that this was a free country and he himself an and was now very frequent and devout in his visits to those temples of politics popularity and smoke the ward porter houses those true of equality where all ranks ages and talents are brought down to the level of rude familiarity twas here his talents expanded and his genius swelled up into its proper size like the which shrinking from airs and sunshine finds his congenial home in and and there his and his twas here he with the multitude in their on patriotism and porter and it became an even chance whether would turn out a great man or a great but in all kept steadily in his eye the only deity he ever op esq worshipped his interest having by this familiarity himself with the mob he became wonderfully potent and industrious at knew all the and of and brought more to the and knew to a greater certainty where could be bought for beer than any of his his exertions in the cause his industry his degrading compliance his humility his dependence at length caught the attention of one of the leaders of the party who was pleased to observe that was a very useful fellow who would go all from that moment his fortune was made he was hand and glove with and in the sunshine of great men s smiles and had the ho sundry times of shaking hands with during i will not fatigue myself with tracing this in his progress from worm to butterfly suffice it that bowed and and and and led until one would have thought per eve vol ii whim and opinions itself would have settled down into despair there was no knowing how long he might have lingered at a distance from his hopes had he not luckily been and for some this was the making of him let not my readers stare and here is equal to and ears in england and either of these kinds of will a the sympathy and support of his his for even he had his took his case into consideration he had been kicked and and disgraced and in the cause he had licked the dust at the feet of the mob lie was a faithful slow to anger of invincible patience of incessant a tool who could be and and directed at in short he had all the important for a little great man and he was accordingly ushered into office amid the of the party the leading men his the multitude his simplicity and the for his patriotism i of esq i j since his elevation he has discovered signs of having been destined for a great man his nose has acquired an additional elevation of several degrees so that now he appears to have adieu to this world and to have set his thoughts altogether on things above and he has swelled and himself to such a degree that his friends are under apprehensions that he will one day or other and blow up like a whim and opinions no xvi thursday october i style at bt william esq notwithstanding has never been abroad nor had his understanding enlightened nor his views enlarged by that marvellous of the wits a salt water voyage yet he is tolerably shrewd and correct in the limited sphere of his observations and now and then me with a right remark which would do no even to a man who had made the grand tour in several late conversations | 48 |
at he has amused us exceedingly by sundry particulars concerning that notorious slaughter house of time springs where he spent a considerable part of the last summer the following is a summary of his observations of esq i pleasure has passed through a variety of at it originally meant nothing more than a relief from pain and sickness and the patient who had many a weary mile to springs with a heavy heart and form it pleasure when he threw by his and danced away from them with spirits and limbs with vigour in process of time pleasure a refinement and appeared in the likeness of a sober to the of an amateur or the fiddle of an country still every thing that happy holiday which the spirits ever enjoy when from the of formality ceremony and modern politeness things went on cheerily and was pronounced a charming hum drum careless place of resort where every one was at his ease and might follow the bent of his humour provided his wife was not there when lo all on a sudden style made its appearance in the semblance of a and a pair of leather breeches a footman whim and opinions and a since that fatal era pleasure has taken an entire new and at present means nothing but style the worthy fashionable dashing good people of every state who had rather suffer the of a crowd than endure the monotony of their own homes and the stupid company of their own thoughts flock to the springs not to enjoy the pleasures of society nor benefit by the qualities of the waters but to exhibit their and and to excite the admiration or what is much more satisfactory the envy of their fashionable this of course a spirit of noble between the eastern middle and southern states and every lady finding herself charged in a manner with the weight of her country s dignity and style dresses and and without mercy at her from other parts of the union this kind of naturally requires a vast deal of preparation and prodigious quantities of supplies a sober citizen s wife will half a dozen shops and sometimes starve her family a whole sea of esq s son to enable herself to make the springs campaign in style she to the seat of war with a mighty force of trunks and like so many filled with caps hats gowns and all the various of fashionable warfare the lady of a southern will lay out the whole annual produce of a rice plantation in silver and gold lace and new carry a of tobacco on her head and trail a of sea island cotton at her heels while a lady of boston or will wrap herself up in the net proceeds of a cargo of whale oil and tie on her hat with a of fish the ladies however have generally the advantage in this contest for as it is an fact that whoever comes from the west or east indies or or the or in fact any warm climate is immensely rich it cannot be expected that a simple of the north can cope with them in style the therefore who drives four horses abroad and a thousand at home and who up to the springs followed by i whim and opinions half a score of black a in gorgeous is unquestionably superior to the northern merchant who on in a carriage and pair which being nothing more than is quite necessary has no claim whatever to style he however has his consolation in feeling superior to the honest who about in a simple he in return at the country squire who along with his long pony and saddle bags and the squire by way of taking satisfaction would make no scruple to over the were it not that the last being the most independent of the whole might chance to break his head by way of retort the great misfortune is that this style is supported at such an expense as sometimes to on the pocket and to occasion very awkward to the of fashion among a number of instances the fate of a dashing blade from the south who made his with a and two by the aid of which he attracted the attention of all the ladies and caused a coolness between several young couples of esq who it was thought before his arrival had a considerable for each other lo the course of a fortnight his disappeared the class of good folk who seem to have nothing to do in this world but into other people s affairs began to stare in a little time longer an was missing this increased the alarm and it was consequently whispered that he had eaten the horses and drank the negro n b southern gentlemen are very apt to do this on an emergency serious apprehensions were entertained about the fate of the remaining servant which were soon by his actually vanishing and in one little month the dashing modestly took his departure in the stage coach universally regretted by the friends who had generously relieved him from his load of style in the course of his detail gave very melancholy accounts of a famine which raged with great violence at the springs whether this was owing to the of the company or to the which prevailed at the he did not seem inclined to say but he whim and opinions declares that he was for several days in imminent danger of starvation to his being a little too in his attendance at the dinner table he relates a number of moving accidents which many of the company in their zeal to get a good seat at on which occasion a kind of race always took place wherein a vast deal of and unfair play was shown and a variety of | 48 |
of posterity of occupying a share of the l whim and opinions world s attention when we shall long since have ceased to be susceptible either of its praise or censure most of the passions of the mind are bounded by the grave sometimes indeed an anxious hope or trembling fear will venture beyond the clouds and darkness that rest upon our mortal horizon and in boundless but it is only this active love of fame which steadily its in the applause or gratitude of future ages indignant at the narrow limits which existence ambition is for ever struggling to beyond th m to triumph over space and time and to bear a name at least above the inevitable oblivion in which every thing else that concerns us must be involved it is this my friend which the to his most heroic achievements which the strains of the poet and breathes ethereal fire into the productions of the painter and the for this the monarch the lofty column the conqueror claims the arch while the obscure individual who has moved in an sphere asks but of esq ss a plain and simple stone to mark his grave and bear to the next generation this important that he was born died and was buried it was this passion which once erected the vast piles whose ruins we have so often regarded with wonder as the shades of evening fit of oblivion gradually stole over and enveloped them in darkness it was this which gave being to those sublime monuments of magnificence which nod in desolation as the blast sweeps over our deserted plains how futile are all our effort to the hand of time as i traversed the dreary of egypt on my journey to grand i stopped my for a while and contemplated in awful admiration the an appalling silence prevailed around such as in the wilderness when the tempest is hushed and the beasts of prey have retired to their the that had once been employed in these lofty of human vanity whose busy hum once the solitude of the desert had all whim and opinions swept from the earth by the irresistible arm of death all were mingled with their native dust all were forgotten even the mighty names which these were designed to had long since faded from remembrance history and u afforded but vague conjectures and the imparted a humiliating lesson to the candidate for immortality alas alas i said i to myself how are the foundations on which our hopes of future fame are he who he has secured to himself the of renown in visions which only the vanity of the the the arch the swelling dome shall into dust and the names they would preserve from shall often pass away before their own duration is accomplished yet this passion for fame however ridiculous in the eye of the philosopher deserves respect and consideration from having been the source of so many illustrious actions and hence it has been the practice in all of la m a ff esq to by monuments the memory of great men as a testimony of respect for the dead and to awaken in the of posterity an to merit the same honourable distinction the people of the american who pride themselves upon improving on every or example of ancient or modern have discovered a new mode of exciting this love of glory a mode by which they do honour to their great men even in their life time thou must have observed by this time that they manage every thing in a manner peculiar to themselves and doubtless in the best possible manner seeing they have themselves the most enlightened people under the sun thou wilt therefore perhaps be curious to know how they contrive to honour the name of a living and what unheard of monument they erect in memory of his achievements by the fiery beard of the mighty but i can scarcely preserve the of a true of while i tell thee wilt whim and opinions thou not smile o of invincible gravity to learn that they honour their great men by eating and that the only erected to their exploits is a public dinner but trust me even in this measure as it may seem the philosophic and considerate spirit of this people is admirably displayed wisely concluding that when the hero is dead he becomes insensible to the voice of fame the song of or the splendid they have determined that he shall enjoy his of while living and in the full enjoyment of a nine days immortality the barbarous nations of antiquity human victims to the memory of their lamented dead but the enlightened americans offer up whole of and and of wine in honour of the illustrious living and the has the felicity of hearing from every quarter the vast exploits in and that have been celebrated to the glory of his name no sooner does a citizen himself of esq in a conspicuous manner in the service of his country than all the and discharge the national debt of gratitude by giving him a dinner not that he really receives all the luxuries provided on this occasion no my friend it is ten chances to one that the great man does not taste a morsel from the table and is perhaps five hundred miles distant and to let thee into a melancholy fact a under this government may be often in want of a dinner while are devoured in his praise neither are these spread out for hungry and who might otherwise be filled with food and gladness and inspired to shout forth the illustrious name which had been the means of their enjoyment far from this it is the rich only who indulge in the banquet | 48 |
individual and thought had done the state some this amiable custom of and drinking to others is not confined to any party for a month or two after the of july the whim and opinions how how must be that spirit which can the bowl with and bitterness and indulge an angry passion in the moment of rejoicing wine says their poet is like sunshine to the heart which under its generous influence with good will and becomes the very temple of strange that in a temple consecrated to such at divinity there should remain a secret corner by the of malice and revenge strange that in the full flow of social enjoyment these of pleasure can turn aside to call curses on the head of a fellow creature souls ye are unworthy of being citizens of this most enlightened country under the sun rather herd with the savages who the mountains of who stain their midnight with the blood of the innocent wanderer and drink newspapers file off their of against each other and take a pride in showing how brilliantly their can characters ip their cups they do jest poison in jest as hamlet says of esq their infernal from the of the victims they have and yet trust me this spirit of cowardice is not owing to any inherent of soul for on other occasions i have had ample proof that this nation is mild and merciful brave and neither is it owing to any defect in their po or religious the principles by their rulers on all occasions breathe a spirit of universal and as to their much as i am devoted to the of our divine prophet still i cannot but acknowledge with admiration the mild forbearance the amiable benevolence the sublime morality them by the founder of their faith thou the doctrines of the mild who preached peace and good to all mankind who when he was not again who blessed those who cursed him and prayed for those who used and persecuted him what then can give rise to this this custom among the of a master opinions gentle aad it is that politics that which ey ery brain and every social feeling which itself at the banquet and the detestable the very of the table which the to bis poisoned s from behind the social board and which renders the bottle that boasted of good fellowship and an infernal engine charged with ob i how does my heart when i these cowardly let me therefore if possible withdraw my attention from them for ever my feelings have borne me from my subject and from the of ancient greatness i have wan to those of modern degradation my warmest wishes remain with thee thou most illustrious of slave drivers thou ever be sensible of the of our great prophet who ia compassion to human has his from the use of the of the that enemy op staff esq to reason that that oi politics ever thine in this letter of the sage there are some fine moral reflections the n oc it is likewise excellent and we need scarcely add is susceptible c more i e than to the et of the whim and opinions no wednesday november ii reflections by esq when a man is quietly downwards into the valley of the of departed youth and begins to contemplate in a perspective the end of his pilgrimage he becomes more than ever that the remainder of his should be smooth pleasant and that the evening of his life like the evening of a summer s day should fade away in mild serenity if his heart has escaped through the dangers of a world it may then administer to the purest of his and its more for the trials they have sustained like the which a melody sweet in proportion to its age to a mind thus thus and by a long lapse of esq f of years there is something truly congenial in the quiet enjoyment of our early autumn in the tranquillity of the country there is a sober and air of gaiety diffused over the face of nature peculiarly interesting to an old man and when he views the surrounding landscape withering under his eye it seems as if he and nature were taking a last farewell of each other and parting with a melancholy smile like a old friends who hav ing a ay the spring s nd summer of life together part at the approach of winter with a kind of prophetic fear that they are r ver to meet again it is either my good fortune or to be keenly susceptible to the influence of the atmosphere and i can feel in the morning before i open my window whether the wind be it will not therefore i presume be considered an extravagant instance of vain glory when i assert that there are few men who can more accurately in the different varieties of and north east storms than myself to the great of my philosophy i confess i whim and opinions fail to and the weather rudely with my sensitive system but then i always to therefore by it when deserving of and as most of my readers simple folk make but one distinction to wit rain and sunshine living in most honest ignorance of the various nice shades which distinguish one fine day from another i take the trouble from time to time of letting them into some of the secrets of nature so will they be the better enabled to enjoy her beauties with the zest of s and derive at least as much information fr m p g from the weather wise lore of the much of my since i retreated to the hall has consisted in making little ex through | 48 |
the neighbourhood which in the variety of wild and luxuriant landscape that generally the scenery in the vicinity of our th re is not an eminence within a circuit of many miles but commands an extensive jo and prospect often have i to the summit of some of l t esq favourite hill and thence with feelings sweetly tranquil as the expanse of the heavens that have noted the slow and almost changes that mark the year there are many features peculiar to our autumn and which give it an individual character the green and yellow melancholy that first over the landscape the mild and steady serenity of the weather and the transparent purity of the atmosphere speak not merely to the senses but the heart it is the season of liberal emotions to this sue a fantastic a dress which the wood assume green and orange purple crimson and scarlet are blended together a sickly splendour this like the wild and broken hearted gaiety that sometimes dissolution or that childish of age proceeding not from a vigorous flow of animal spirits but from the de say and of the mind we might perhaps be deceived by this gaudy garb of nature were it not for the rustling of the falling leaf which breaking oo the stillness of the scene seems to whim and opinions announce in prophetic whispers the dreary winter that is approaching when i have sometimes seen a young oak changing its hue of sturdy vigour for a bright but transient glow of red it has recalled to my mind the treacherous bloom that once the cheek of a friend who is now no more and which while it seemed to promise a long life of spirits was the sure of premature in a little while and this foliage the close of autumn leaves but one wide expanse of dusky brown save where some along with of green grass the echoes no more to the of the tribes that in the leafy covert and its solitude and silence are except by the plaintive whistle of the the barking of the or the still melancholy wintry wind which rushing and swelling through the hollows of the mountains sighs through the branches of the grove and seems to mourn the desolation of the year to one who like myself is fond of drawing of esq o between the different divisions of life and those of the seasons there will appear a striking which the feelings of the aged with the decline of the year often as i contemplate the mild uniform and genial lustre with which the sun cheers and us in the month of october and the almost haze which without all the of the landscape and gives to every object a character of stillness and repose i cannot help comparing it with that portion of existence when the spring of youthful hope and the summer of the passions having gone by reason an sway and lights us on with bright but lustre the hill of life there is a full and mature in the fields that fills the bosom with generous and disinterested content it is not the extravagance of spring prodigal only in nor the languid of summer feverish in its and only with abundance it is that certain of the labours of the past that prospect of comfortable realities which o whim opinions will be sure to enjoy who have the smiles of heaven nor wasted away their spring and summer in empty trifling or criminal indulgence cousin who is my constant companion in these and who still possesses much of the fire and energy of youth ful sentiment and a e spirits often indeed draws me from these and makes me feel young gain by the enthusiasm with which he and the animation with which he the beauties of nature displayed before him his enthusiastic disposition never allows him to enjoy things by and his feelings are continually breaking out in notes of admiration and that sober reason might deem extravagant but for my part when i see a hale hearty old man who has through the rough path of die world without having worn away the fine edge of his or his sensibility to natural and moral beauty i compare him to the of the forest whose colours instead of fading at the approach of r of e q seem co assume additional lustre when contrasted with the surrounding such a man is my friend yet sometimes and particularly at the approach of evening even he will fall in with my humour but he soon his natural tone of spirits and mounting on the of bis mind like on the eagle s wing be to the regions of and fancy one afternoon we had strolled to the top of a high hill in the neighbourhood of the hall which commands an almost boundless prospect and as the shadows began to around us and the mountains to fade mists my cousin was seized with a fit it seems to me he laying his hand lightly on my shoulder that there is just at this season and this a between us and world we are now contemplating the is stealing nature as well as upon us the shadows of the opening day have given place to those of its close and the only difference is that in the morning they were before us now they are behind and that the first vanished in the ao whim and opinions of noon day the latter will be lost in the oblivion of night our may of life my dear has for ever fled our summer is over and gone but continued he suddenly recovering himself and me gaily on the shoulder but why should we what though the capricious of spring the and of summer have given | 48 |
place to the sober sunshine of autumn and though the woods begin to assume the livery of decay yet the prevailing colour is still green gay green h let us then comfort ourselves with this reflection that though the shades of the morning have given place to those of the evening though the spring is past the summer over and the autumn come still you and i go on our way rejoicing and while like the lofty mountains of our southern america our heads are covered with snow still like them we feel the genial warmth of spring and summer playing upon our of esq by esq in the description which i gave some time since of ck hail i totally forgot to make honourable mention of the library which i confess was a most for in truth it would bear a comparison in point of usefulness and with the collection of the renowned hero of la it was chiefly gathered together by my grandfather who spared neither pains nor expense to procure specimens of the oldest most quaint and books in the whole compass of english scotch and irish there is a tradition in the family that the old gentleman once gave a grand entertainment in consequence of having got possession of a copy of a by against the luxury of shoes as worn by the in the time of william which he purchased of an honest in the neighbourhood for a little less than forty times its value he had whim and opinions undoubtedly a singular reverence for old authors and his highest on his library was that it consisted of books not to be met with in any other collection and as the phrase is entirely out of print the reason of which was i suppose that they were not worthy of being cousin preserves these relics with great care and has added considerably to the collection for with the hall he has inherited almost all the whim of its former possessor he a regard for ponderous of greek and latin though he knows about as much of these languages as a young bachelor of arts does a year or two after leaving college a work in eight or ten volumes he to an old family more respectable for its antiquity than its splendour a he considers as a duke a sturdy as an earl and a row of gilded as so many gallant knights of the but as to modern works of literature they are thrust into trunks and drawers as and regarded with as much contempt of esq as nobility in england who having risen to grandeur merely by their talents and services are regarded as utterly unworthy to mingle their blood with those noble currents that can be traced without a single through a long line of perhaps useless and ancestors up to william the s cook or butler or groom or some one of s will whose studies are of a complexion takes great delight in the library and has been during his late at the hall very constant and devout in his visits to this of learning he seemed particularly with the contents of the great mahogany chest of drawers mentioned in the beginning of this work this venerable piece of architecture has frowned in sullen majesty from a comer of the library time out of mind and is filled with some in my father s hand writing and others evidently written long before his day it was a sight worthy of a man s seeing to behold will with his whim and opinions over old that would puzzle a whole society of to and into of which for a century past had been undisturbed by hand he would sit for whole hours with a patience unknown in these days except among the high dutch into the quaint obscurity of until his whole face seemed to be converted into a leaf of black letter and occasionally when the meaning of an passage flashed on his mind his countenance would curl up into an expression of not unlike the of a leaf before a hot fire at such times there was no getting will to join in our walks or take any part in our usual he hardly gave us an oriental tale in a week and would smoke so that no one else dared enter the library under pain of this was more especially ihe case when he encountered any piece of writing and he honestly confessed to me th t one worm eaten manuscript written of esq in a hand had cost him a box of the best spanish cigars before he could make it out and after all it as not worth a tobacco stalk such is the turn of my know ing associate only let him get fairly in the track of any odd out of the way whim and away he goes whip and cut until he either runs down his game or runs himself out of breath i never in my life met with a man who rode his horse more hard than one of his favourite occupations for some time past has been the hunting of black letter which he holds in high regard and he often hints that learning has been on the decline ever since the introduction of the roman an old book printed three hundred years ago is a treasure and a ragged about one half unintelligible fills him with rapture oh with what enthusiasm will he dwell on the discovery of the of and s history and when he relates the pious exertions of the in recovering tlie lost treasures of greek and literature his eye and his whim and opinions face all the splendour of an illuminated manuscript will had for a considerable time in perfect tranquillity among dust and when one morning as we were gathered on the listening with patience | 48 |
most merrily every day in the week on beef and such like they and did likewise hold out hopes of an easy conquest as the were as yet but little in the mystery and science of handling the legs and being moreover like unto that notable bully of antiquity most to all attacks on the heel would doubtless surrender at the very first assault whereupon on the hearing of this council the did set up a prodigious great cry of joy shook their heels in triumph of esq f and were all impatience to dance on to and take it by storm the cunning and the arch knew full well how to profit by this enthusiasm they forthwith did order every man to arm himself with a certain little weapon called a fiddle to pack up in his a pair of silk breeches the like of a cocked hat the form of a a bundle of cat and inasmuch as in marching to the army might be smitten with of provisions they did account it proper that each man should take especial care to carry with him a bunch of right having proclaimed these orders by sound of fiddle they and did accordingly put their army behind them and ing up the right jolly and tune of ca away they all towards the devoted city of with a most horrible and chattering of voices of their first appearance before the town and of the various difficulties which did encounter them in their march this whim and opinions not being tbat other matters of more import require to be written when that the army of the did within sight of and the people of the city did behold the and hitherto unseen and which they did make a most panic was stirred up among the citizens and the of the town fell into great despondency and as supposing that these were of the race of the who did make men into when they a conquest over them the called upon all the dancing men and dancing women and them with great of speech to make heel against the and to put themselves such defence such glorious array and sturdy elevation and of the foot as might ter the legs of the and produce their complete discomfiture but so it did happen by great that divers light youth of more especially those who are descended from three wise bo re of esq j of for i over sea in a bowl were from time to time captured and into the can of the enemy where being and treated for a season with and ey were sent back to their friends entirely changed and turned that they thought of nothing but their heels always to thrust them into the most manifest point of view and in a word as might truly be affirmed did for after walk upon their heads outright and the did day by day and at late of the night wax more and more urgent m this their of the city at one time they would in goodly procession make an open assault by sound of fiddle in a tremendous and anon they would advance by little and to take the town by in but truly their most cunning and devilish craft and was made in to corrupt the garrison by a most and whim and opinions dance called the this in good truth was a potent for by it were the heads of the simple most turned their wits sent a wool gathering and themselves on the point of at discretion even unto the very arms of their at length the of the town began to give manifest symptoms of decay inasmuch as the of decency was considerably broken down and the curtain work of propriety blown up when the cunning beheld the and state of the city now by my leg he he always swore by his leg being that it was an exceeding leg now by my leg he but this is no great matter of i will show these people a pretty strange and new way and will shake the dust off my upon thi most obstinate and town whereupon he ordered and did command his warriors one and all that they should put themselves in readiness and prepare to carry the town by a grand ball of esq they in no wise to be do forthwith at the word themselves for the assault and in good faith truly it was a gracious and glorious sight a most triumphant and spectacle to behold them gallantly arrayed in glossy and shining silk breeches tied with abundance of with silken of the gorgeous colour of the salmon right decorated with or of a most and contrivance inasmuch as they did of themselves to die shoe without any aid of or tongue and they had withal which puffed out at the neck and bosom after a most jolly fashion like unto the beard of an ancient and cocked hats the which they did carry not on their heads after the fashion of the but under their arms as a fowl his thus being equipped and they do attack assault and the town with might and main most gallantly displaying the vigour of their legs and shaking aa w him and opinions their s at it most emphatically and the manner of their attack was in this first did thunder and gallop forward in a f and anon displayed column in a a or a the in no wise understanding this unknown system of warfare and did open their mouths in the full distance of a how shot meaning a cross how in sore dismay and if whereupon his left leg with great expression of and most carriage my c for what wait we here are not the already won | 48 |
becomes certainty many a stormy night was the little man in black seen by the flashes of lightning and in the air upon a and it was always observed that at tl of esq times the storm did more mischief than at any other the old lady in particular who suggested the humane ordeal of the kettle lost on one of these occasions a fine cow which accident was entirely ascribed to the of the little man in black if ever a mischievous rode his master s favourite horse to a distant and the animal was observed to be and in the morning the little man in black to be at the bottom of the affair nor could a high wind howl through the village at night but the old women shrugged up their shoulders and observed a the little man in black was in his n in short he became the of every house and was as effectual in little children into and as the raw head and bloody bones himself nor could a of the village sleep in peace except under the of a horse shoe nailed to the door the object of these suspicions remained for some time totally ignorant of the wonderful he had occasioned but lo whim and opinions he was soon doomed to feel its effects an individual who is once so unfortunate as to the of a village is in a great measure and and becomes a mark for injury and insult particularly if he has not the power or the disposition to the little passions which in the great world are dissipated and weakened by being widely diffused act in the narrow limits of a country town with collected vigour and become in proportion as they are confined in their sphere of action the little man in black experienced the truth of this every mischievous returning from school had full liberty to break his windows and this was considered as a most daring for in such awe did they stand of him that the most adventurous was never seen to approach his threshold and at night would pre fer going round by the cross roads where a traveller had been murdered by the indians rather than pass by the door of his forlorn habitation the only living creature that seemed to of esq have any care or for this deserted being was an old the companion of his lonely mansion and his wanderings the of his scanty meals and sorry am i to say it the of his the uke his master was and never known to bark at a horse to growl at a traveller or to quarrel with the dogs of the neighbourhood he followed close at his master s heels went out and when be returned stretched himself in the at the door himself in all things like a civil and well disposed but notwithstanding his he fell likewise under the ill report of the village as being the familiar of the little man in black and the evil spirit th t presided at his the old was considered as the scene of their rites and its harmless tenants regarded with a which their conduct never though and at by the of the village and frequently abused by their parents the little man in black never turned to rebuke them a and opinions and his faithful dog looked up wistfully in his master s ce and there learned a lesson of patience and forbearance the movements of this inscrutable being had long been the subject of speculation at hall for its were full as much given to wondering as their descendants the patience with which he bore his particularly surprised them for patience is a but little known in the family my grandmother who it appears was rather superstitious saw in this humility nothing but the gloomy of a who restrained himself for the present in hopes of midnight the parson of the village who was a man of some reading pronounced it th of a philosopher my grandfather worthy seldom ed abroad in search of took from his wn excellent and regarded it as the humble forgiveness of a christian but however different were their opinions ds to the character of the they agreed ik one of esq in n upon hid solitude and my who was at that time my left the room without wisely putting the large family bible in the cradle a in her opinion against and one stormy winter night a bleak north wind moaned about the cottages and howled around the village my grandfather was returning from club preceded by a servant with a lantern just as he arrived opposite the desolate ab de of the little man in black he was arrested by the howling of a dog heard in the pauses of a storm mournful and he fancied now then that he caught the low and broken groans of some one in distress he stopped for some minutes hesitating between the benevolence of his heart and a sensation of genuine delicacy which in spite of his he fully possessed nd which forbade him to into the concerns of his neighbours perhaps too this hesitation might have been strengthened by a little taint of superstition for surely if the had been whim and opinions to this was a most night for his at length the old gentleman s he approached the and pushing open the door for poverty has no occasion for locks and keys beheld by the light of the lantern a scene that smote his generous heart to the core on a miserable bed with pallid and and hollow eyes in a room destitute of every convenience without fire to warm or friend to console him lay this helpless mortal who had been so long the terror and wonder of the village his dog was crouching on the | 48 |
scanty and shivering with cold my grandfather stepped softly and hesitatingly to the bed side and the forlorn sufferer in his usual accents of kindness the little man in black seemed recalled by the tones of compassion from the into which he had fallen for though his heart was almost frozen there was yet one that answered to the call of the good old man who bent over him the tones of sympathy so novel to his ear called back his wandering senses and acted like a to his solitary feelings of esq g he raised his eyes but they were vacant and haggard he put forth his hand hut it was cold he to speak but the sound died away in his throat he pointed to his mouth with an expression of dreadful meaning and sad to relate i my grandfather understood that the harmless stranger deserted by society was with hunger with the quick impulse of humanity he the servant to the hall for refreshment a little warm nourishment him for a short time but not long it was evident his pilgrimage was drawing to a close and he was about entering that peaceful asylum where the wicked cease from troubling his tale of misery was short and quickly told had stolen upon him heightened by the of the season he had taken to his bed without strength to rise and ask for assistance and if i had y said he in a tone of bitter despondency u to whom should i have applied i have no friend that i know of in the world the villagers avoid me as something and dangerous and here in the midst of christians should i have perish l o whim and opinions ed without a fellow being to soothe the last moments of existence and close my eyes had not the of my faithful dog excited your attention he seemed deeply sensible of the kindness of my grandfather and at one time as he looked up into his old benefactor s face a solitary tear was observed to steal the of his cheek poor outcast it was the last tear he shed but i warrant it was not the first by millions my grandfather watched by him all night towards morning he gradually declined and as the rising sun gleamed through the window be begged to be raised in his bed that he might look at it for the last time he contemplated it for a moment with a kind of religious enthusiasm and his lips moved as if engaged in prayer the strange conjectures concerning him rushed on my grandfather s mind he is an thought he is the sun he listened a moment and blushed at his own suspicion he was only engaged in the pious of a christian his simple being finished the httle man in of esq i black withdrew his eyes from the east and taking my grandfather s hand in one of his and making a motion with the other towards the sun i love to contemplate it said he u tis an emblem of the universal benevolence of a true christian and it is the most glorious work of him w ho is itself my grandfather blushed still deeper at his he had pitied the stranger at first but now he him he turned once more to regard him but his countenance had undergone a change the holy enthusiasm that had lighted up each feature had given place to an expression of mysterious import a gleam of grandeur seemed to steal across his and he appeared full of some mighty secret which he hesitated to impart he raised the tattered that had sunk almost over his eyes and waving his withered hand with a slow and feeble expression of dignity in me said he with a solemnity in me you behold the last of the renowned my grandfather gazed at him with reverence for though he had never heard of the illustrious personage vol ii whim and opinions thus announced yet there was a certain black letter dignity in the name that peculiarly struck his fancy and commanded his respect c you have been kind to me continued the little man in black after a momentary pause and richly will i your kindness by making you heir to my treasures in yonder large deal box are the volumes of my illustrious of which i alone am the fortunate possessor inherit them over them and be wise he grew faint with the exertion he had made and sunk back almost on his pillow his hand which inspired with the importance of his subject he had raised to my grandfather s arm slipped from its hold and fell over the side of the bed and his faithful dog licked it as if anxious to soothe the last moments of his master and testify his gratitude to the hand that had so often cherished him the caresses of the animal were not lost upon his dying master he raised his languid eyes turned them on the dog then on my grandfather and having of esq given this silent recommendation closed them for ever the remains of the little man in black notwithstanding the objections of many pious people were decently in the churchyard of the village and his spirit harmless as the body it once animated has never been known to a living being my grandfather complied as far as possible with his last request he conveyed the volumes of to his library he pondered over them frequently but whether he grew wiser the tradition doth not mention this much is certain that his kindness to the poor of was amply rewarded by the approbation of his own heart and the devoted attachment | 48 |
more eccentric and than their der and they take an pride in certain ornaments which are probably derived from their savage a woman of this country dressed out for an exhibition whim and opinions is loaded with as many ornaments as a slave when brought out foi sale their heads are out with little bits of horn or shell cut into fantastic shapes and they seem to each other in the number of these singular like the women we have seen in our journeys to who cover their heads with the entire shell of a and thus equipped are the envy of all their less fortunate acquaintance they also their necks and ears with coral gold chains and glass beads and load their fingers with a variety of rings though i must confess i have never perceived that they wear any in their noses as has been affirmed by many travellers we have heard much of their painting themselves most and making use of bear s in great profusion but this i solemnly assure thee is a mis statement civilization no doubt having gradually these it is true i have seen two or three females who had disguised their features with paint but then it was merely to give a tinge of red to their cheeks and did not look a ery frightful and as to of esq f ment they rarely use any now except occasionally a little oil for their hair which gives it a glossy greasy and as they think very comely appearance the last mentioned class of females take it for granted have been but lately caught and still retain strong traits of their savage the most and fault however which i find in these lovely savages is the and abandoned exposure of their persons wilt thou not suspect me of exaggeration when i affirm wilt not thou blush for them most discreet when i declare to that they are so lost to all sense of modesty as to expose the w hole of their faces from their forehead to the chin and they even go abroad with their hands uncovered monstrous but what i am going to disclose will doubtless appear to thee still more incredible though i cannot forbear paying a tribute of admiration to the beautiful faces of these fair yet i must give it as my firm opinion that their persons are in vain did i look around me on my first landing for whim and opinions my favourite wife whom i bought by the hundred weight and had home in a i but enough for the present i am promised a faithful account of the of a lady s a complete into the arts mysteries and in short the whole process by which she herself down to the most fashionable standard of together with specimens of the strait the the and the various ingenious instruments with which she puts nature to the rack and herself into a proper figure to be admired farewell thou sweetest of slave drivers the echoes that repeat to a lover s ear the song of his mistress are not more soothing than tidings from those we love let thy answer to my letters be speedy and never i pray thee for a moment cease to watch over the prosperity of my house and the of my beloved wives let them want for nothing my friend hut feed them on honey boiled and water so of esq that when i return to the blessed land of my fathers if that shall ever be i may find them improved in size and loveliness and sleek as the graceful that range the green valley of ever thine whim and opinions no xix thursday december i from my elbow chair having returned to town and once more taken formal possession of my elbow chair it me to the rural feelings and the rural sentiments in which i have for some time past indulged and devote myself more exclusively to the of the town as feel at this moment a spark of gallantry playing around my heart and one of those emotions of cordiality which an old bachelor will sometimes entertain towards the divine sex i am determined to gratify the sentiment for once and devote this number exclusively to the ladies would not however have our fair readers imagine that we wish to flatter ourselves into their good graces devoutly as we them and what true does not and heartily as we desire to flourish in the mild sunshine of their smiles yet we scorn to of esq j ourselves into their favour unless it be as honest friends sincere well and disinterested if in the course of this number they find us rather prodigal of our they will have the modesty to it to the excess of their own merits if they find us extremely indulgent to their faults they will it rather to the of our nature to any fear of giving offence the following letter of falls in exactly with the current of my purpose as i have before mentioned that his letters are without dates we are obliged to give them very without any regard to order the present one appears to have been written not long after his arrival and to several already published it is more in the familiar and style than the others will declares he has translated it with fidelity excepting that he has omitted several remarks on the which the honest with great comparing it to certain dances of whim and opinions the will regretted exceedingly that the of several of these observations compelled their total as he wishes to give all possible encouragement to this popular and amiable exhibition letter from rub a to al the agreeable chief and to his the numerous letters which i have written to our friend the slave driver as well as those to thy the and which doubtless were | 48 |
read to thee honest have in all probability awakened thy curiosity to know further particulars concerning the manners of the who hold me in was lately at one of their public ceremonies which at first perplexed me exceedingly as to its object but as the explanations of a friend have let me of esq somewhat into the secret and as it seems to bear no small to thy profession a description of it may contribute to thy amusement if not to thy instruction a few days since just as i had finished ray coffee and was my whiskers preparatory to a morning walk i was waited upon by an of this place a gay young who has of late cultivated my acquaintance he presented me with a square bit of painted which he informed me would me to to the city assembly curious to know the meaning of a phrase which was entirely new to me i requested an explanation when my friend informed me that the assembly was a numerous of young people of both sexes who on certain occasions gathered together to dance about a large room with violent and try to out dress each other in short said he if you wish to see the natives in all their glory there s no place like the city assembly so you must go there and sport your whiskers though the matter of sporting my whiskers was considerably above my apprehension yet now began as i thought o whim and opinions to understand him had heard of the of the natives which are a kind of religious institution and had little doubt but that this must be a solemnity of the kind anxious as i am to contemplate this strange people in every situation i willingly to his proposal and to be the more at ease i determined to lay aside my dress and appear in plain garments of the fashion of this country as is my custom whenever i wish to mingle in a crowd without exciting the attention of the gaping multitude it was long after the shades of night had fallen before my friend appeared to conduct me to the assembly thought i a themselves in mystery and seek the aid of gloom and darkness to the solemnity of their pious to conduct myself with that decent respect which every stranger owes to the customs of the land in which he i my feat into an expression of sober reverence and stretched my face into a degree of suitable to the ceremony i was about to witness spite of myself i felt an emotion of awe stealing over of esq a l my senses as i approached the majestic pile my imagination pictured something similar to a descent into the cave of daniel where the of the east are taught their arts entered with the same gravity of that i would have approached the holy temple of and bowed my head three times as i passed the threshold a head of the mighty thought i on being ushered into a splendid saloon what a display is here surely i am transported to the of the tjie of the faithful how tame appeared all the descriptions of enchanted palaces in our poetry wherever i turned my eyes the quick glances of beauty dazzled my vision and my heart lovely fluttered by me darting imperial looks of conquest or beaming such smiles of invitation as did when he beckoned our holy prophet to heaven shall i own the weakness of thy friend good while thus gazing on the enchanted scene before me i for a moment forgot my country and even tl e memory of my three and twenty wives faded from my heart my thoughts were i whim and opinions bewildered and led astray by the charms of these savages and i sunk for a while into that delicious state of mind where the senses all enchanted and all striving for mastery produce an endless variety of tumultuous yet pleasing emotions oh never shall i again wonder that an should prove a to the single solitary wife allotted him when even thy friend armed with all the of can so easily prove to three and twenty whither have you led me said i at length to my companion and to whom do these beautiful creatures belong certainly this must be the of the grand of the city and a most happy must he be to possess treasures which even his of cannot parallel have a care cried my companion how you talk about or you ll have all these gentle about your ears for is a word which beyond all others they most of them continued he have no lord and master but come here to catch one they re in the market as we term it ah ha said i of esq then you really have a fair or slave market such as we have in the east where the faithful are provided with the of and by our glorious sun of but i should like to select some ten or a dozen wives from so lovely an pray what do you suppose they might be bought for before i could receive an answer my attention was attracted by two or three good looking middle sized men who being dressed in a colour universally worn in this country by the and i concluded to be high priests and was confirmed in my original opinion that this was a religious ceremony these reverend personages are entitled and enjoy unlimited authority in the being armed with swords with which i am told they would put any lady to death who the laws of the temple they walked round the room with great solemnity and with an air of profound importance | 48 |
of the to hasten from the dull silent and and groves where they have during the summer recovering from the of the last winter s campaign our fair ones have hurried to town eager to pay their to this deity and to make an offering at her shrine of the few pale and transient roses they gathered in their retreat the his bow the card table is shuffling her the young lady is and the tea party hero is his de and blossom breeches to whim and opinions tor in the gay circle of smiles and graces and beauty now the fine lady forgets her country friends in the hurry of fashionable engagements or the simple intruder who has foolishly accepted her thousand pressing invitations with such politeness that the poor soul never to come again now the gay buck who figured at and the pure spring the sparkling water for still more sparkling and deserts the of the fountain to under the standard of jolly in short now is the important time of the year in which to the bon ton reader and like some ancient hero in front of the battle to spirit him up to deeds of noble daring or still more noble suffering in the ranks of fashionable warfare such indeed has been my intention but the number of cases which have lately come before me and the variety of complaints i have received from a crowd of honest and well meaning call for more immediate attention a host of pe of esq and letters of advice are now before me and believe tbe shortest way to satisfy my and be to publish their letters as i suspect the object of most of them is merely to get into print to sir as you appear to have taken to yourself the trouble of in the concerns of the beau i take the liberty of appealing to you on a subject which though considered merely as a very good joke has caused me great vexation and expense you must know i pride myself on being very useful to the ladies that is i take boxes for them at the theatre go with them supply them with and furnish them with novels from the library in consequence of these attentions i am a great favourite and there is seldom a party going on in the city without my having an invitation the grievance i have to mention is the ex i o whim and opinions dear going down this morning in a great hurry i ran full against an object which at first put me to a prodigious observing it to be dressed in a man s hat a cloth overcoat and i framed my apology accordingly exclaiming my dear sir i ask ten thousand i assure you sir it was entirely accidental pray excuse me sir etc w a t every one of these excuses the thing answered me with a downright laugh at which i was not a little surprised until on to my pocket glass i discovered that it was no other than my old acquaintance i never was more in my life for being an old bachelor i like to appear as young as possible and am always of the goodness of my eyes i beg of you mr if you have any feeling for your to this mode of dress for really if the fashion take we poor will be utterly at a loss to distinguish a woman from a man pray let me know your opinion sir of esq whether a lady who wears a man s hat and before marriage may not be apt to some other article of his dress afterwards your humble servant worry dear mr the other night at richard the i sat behind three gentlemen who talked very loud on the subject of richard s lady ann directly in the of his crimes against that lady one of them declared such an unnatural scene would be at in china pray sir was that mr p s the gentleman i allude to had a pocket glass wore his hair fastened behind by a shell comb with two teeth want ing mr eve grin sir being a little curious in the affairs of whim and opinions the i was much interested by the sage s remarks in your last concerning the art of a modem fine lady i would have you caution your fair readers however to be very careful in the management of their machinery as a deplorable accident happened last assembly in consequence of the architecture of a lady s figure not being sufficiently strong in the middle of one of the the company was suddenly alarmed by a tremendous crash t the lower end of the room and on crowding to the place discovered that it was a fine which had unfortunately broken down from too great exertion in a pigeon wing by great good luck i secured the which i carried n in triumph the next morning had it publicly and a lecture read on it at hall i have since commenced a on the subject in which i shall treat of the superiority of those figures by steel stay and to those formed by dame nature shall show clearly that the de has no to beauty of form as she never op esq wore stays and her waist is in exact proportion to the rest of her body i shall inquire into the mysteries of and how tight a figure can be without danger of fainting and whether it would not be advisable for a lady when dressing for a ball to be attended by the family physician as are when on the rack to know how much more nature will endure i shall prove that ladies have discovered the secret of that notorious who offered to squeeze himself into a bottle and i shall | 48 |
to the satisfaction of every fashionable reader that there is a degree of heroism in a slender waist at the expense of an old age of and this shall be published as soon as finished and distributed among boarding school and all worthy who are ambitious that their daughters should sit straight move like clock work and do credit to their bringing up in the mean time i have hung up the skeleton of the in the museum beside a and a stuffed where it may be and opinions by all those who are food of studying the human form i yours etc p s by accurate calculation i find it is dangerous for a figure when full dressed to pronounce a word of more than three fine figure if in love may indulge in a gentle sigh but a sob is fine may smile with safety may even venture a as a but must never risk a laugh figure must never play the part of a aa at a tea party some five since a young lady whose of waist was the envy of the drawing room burst with an important secret and had three ribs of her on the spot ma sir i am one of those industrious who labour hard to obtain in the fashionable world i have gone to great ex of esq pen e in little boots short and long breeches my coat is regularly imported per stage from philadelphia duly against all risks and my boots are from bond street i have in with one of the most crooked walking sticks i could procure and have a pair of salmon coloured small clothes and lame coloured stockings at every concert and ball to which i could purchase admission being that i might possibly appear to less advantage as a in consequence of my being rather short and a little i have lately hired a tall horse with ears and a cocked tail on which i have joined the of pretty who exhibit bright every fine morning in and take a of two miles per day at the rate of oo dollars per but sir all this expense has been laid out in vain for i can scarcely get a partner at an assembly or an invitation to a tea party pray sir me what more i can do to acquire admission into the true circles and whether it would and opinions not be advisable to a for a month and have my put on it as is done by certain of my acquaintance yours to serve of esq tea a poem from the mill of esq earnestly recommended to the attention of all maidens of a certain age old time my dear girls is a who in truth from the fairest of beauties will their youth who by constant attention and deceit for ever is some grace to retreat and like with subtle approach the further indulged will still further since this thief of the has made off with your bloom and left you some score of stale years in its room ha of all those gay dreams that would dance in your brains at fifteen and your entrance and has forced you almost to in despair the hope of a husband s affection and care since such is the case and a case rather hard permit one who holds you in special regard to furnish such hints in your estate as may shelter from and hate too often our maidens grown aged i indulge to excess in the workings of and at times when annoy d by the of mankind work off their resentment by speaking their mind a whim and io s together id snuff taking and hold round the tea urn a solemn a of a tea party which like meeting of is d up at night w here each matron arrives with tales of surprise with knowing suspicion and doubtful like the whirl d that appear in each bearing some of or death to stir up the toil and to double the trouble that fire may burn and that may when the party all and all they talk of ihe weather their or sit they will tell you of of of lace how cheap they were sold and will name you the place they discourse of their hem and they cough and complain of their servants to pass the time or list to the tale of some mamma how lier ten weeks old baby will laugh and say but tea that of wit and of soul more by far than the draughts of the soon the tongue and the mind and their eyes to the faults of mankind twas thus with the who served at the that flowed near the far mount while the steam was of the spring her vision expanded her fancy took wing of esq by its aid she pronounced the will that commanded his sons to fulfil but alas the sad performing the appear d like a demon terrific to sight en the priests of averted their eyes and the temple of her cries but the of the of we return to the of the tea pot once more in harmless chat an acquaintance they roast and serve up a friend as they serve up a toast some or some female mistake is like delicious or as cake a hit of scandal is like a dry crust it would stick in the throat so they butter it first with a little affected good nature and cry nobody regrets the thing deeper than l our young ladies a good name in play as for they a away while with and the old dame as she a crust she will a name and as the fell sisters astonished the in of s descendants the lot making shadows of kings amid flashes | 48 |
of light to appear in and to frown in his sight so they up all hideous in hue which as shades of their neighbours are past in review vol ii and the wives of of degree will up in a little the is und the with which on their they but the scandal a refinement in as our and rise to with a still more our ladies of their and by and hints and what not and tea send to pot w madam in and array with her plate and her in splendid will drink in in a friend at a sup or in blow them by all ah me how when with s tail stately along by a china ship proudly arrives in our bay displaying her and blazing away oh more fell to o r port m the cargo she bears than or warlike t each chest is a in to oar town to and character ye ye ye who on our coast your cursed of tea oh think as ye the sad weed from of the and ye deal to our aj the dread breath o er the plain where it flies and each green blade that may rise of esq so tha of tliis if way the social n fer ah ladies aad it by heaven d that ye should be merciful and kind did it form you like angels and send you below to peace to bid charity flow and have ye thus left your estate and wander d so widely so strangely of late alas the sad cause i too plainly can see these evils have all come upon you through tea cursed weed that can make our fair spirits resign the character mild of their mission divine that can blot from their that tenderness true which from female to female for ever is due o how nice is the texture how fragile the frame of that delicate blossom a female s fair fame tis the sensitive plant it from the breath and from the touch as if with death how often how often has innocence sigh d has beauty been of its honour its pride has virtue though pure as an angel of light been painted as dark as a demon of night all offer d up victims an at the gloomy the dark of tea if i in the remnant that s left me of am to suffer the of strife let me fall i in the s where the evil is open and subject to law whim and opinions not and and put to the rack by the sly of tea party condemn me ye gods to a newspaper but spare me o spare me a tea table of esq no xx monday january as from my elbow chair soft you a word or two before we part in this season of when the gate of time open on its hinges and an honest rosy faced new year comes in like a jolly fat sided butler loaded with good wishes good humour and at this joyous era it has been the custom from time in this ancient and respectable city for writers from reverend grave and potent like ourselves down to the humble but industrious of magazines and newspapers to tender their the compliments of the season and when they have their hearts with a little of the sunshine of flattery to conclude by delicately them for their of g and money in like manner the of newspapers who undoubtedly belong to the ancient and honourable order of do regularly at the commencement of the year salute their with abundance of excellent advice conveyed ia good poetry for which the good natured are well pleased to pay them exactly twenty five cents in walking the streets i am every day saluted with good wishes from old gray headed whom i never recollect to have een before and it was but a few days ago that i was called out to receive the compliments of an ugly old woman who last spring was employed by mrs to my room and put things in order a phrase which if rightly understood means little else than every thing into holes and comers so that if i want to find any particular article it is in the language of an humble but expressive saying looking for a needle in a t not my visitor i demanded by what authority she wished me a happy new year her claim was one of the she could have urged for i have an innate and of lot q to this custom of putting things to rights so giving the witch a i desired her forthwith to mount her and ride off as fast as possible of au the various ranks of society the alone to their immortal honour be it recorded depart this practice of making a market of congratulations and in addition to always thirteen to the dozen do with great liberality of drawing on the of their customers at the new year present them divers large fair cakes which like the shield of or an egyptian are adorned with figures of a variety of strange animals that in their out marvel all the wild wonders of nature this honest gray beard custom of setting apart a certain portion of this good for nothing existence for purposes of cordiality social merriment and good cheer is one of the relics handed down to us from our worthy dutch ancestors in me of the from my worthy grandfather s mahogany chest of drawers i find the new year was celebrated great during whim and opinions that golden age of our city the reins of government were held by the renowned van dam who always did honour to the season by seeing out the old year a | 48 |
Subsets and Splits