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Outdoor exercise — exposure to sunshine
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I’ve tried to exercise regularly over the years but has never managed to make it a habit until fairly recently (fingers crossed I keep it up!). I think a big difference is I now exercise outdoors in the sun, like walking/runnjng around a nearby park or pilates on my porch. I used to only exercise in my room with the curtains down and it wasn’t enjoyable at all, but there’s just something about feeling the sun on your skin that makes it 10000x better.
I live in a tropical country that’s sunny all year, but we do get spells of rainy, cloudy season for weeks at a time.
Is there any way to replicate the feeling of exercising in the sun after sundown or when it’s cloudy?
| 24 |
Post-run breakdowns???
|
So I (25M) have a weird love-hate relationship with exercise. I used to be very active as a teenager, was on the swim team, run every other day and everything, but fell out of being active as I reached 17-18, also when I started becoming more depressed among other symptoms (diagnoses all over the place depending on the provider, from bipolar to BPD to just "affective disorder").
In college I had some moderate success with the university gym doing weight training and row machine, it had the added bonus of countering some of the body dysphoria I had/still have. I also was an on-and-off runner, although it was always spotty at best. I never got any "endorphin" benefit from exercise, the most I used it for was as a venting space to calm down, and I rarely felt "good" afterwards except in the same way letting yourself cry can make you feel better than you did before.
As an adult, I've started having this bizarre reaction to running. I will take a run, not too intense, just 30 minutes or so, and feel relatively fine that night. But without fail, my anxiety the next day is *terrible*. I feel on edge, panicky, as if the world is falling apart, often culminating in a full breakdown the night after (so around 24 hours after the run). I have tried to rule out blood sugar by fueling up after the run and the day after, no success.
Notably, I have a way better reaction to weight training--by far this kind of exercise makes me feel better and I tend not to have emotional whiplash from it. But I also want to get some cardio in order to get a little leaner and better stamina.
Does anyone know what this is about? Am I just not eating enough afterwards? Why the time delay of a day later?
| 18 |
Memoirs or essays
|
All - wondering if anyone has any memoirs or essays they would recommend on the topic of people using exercise to help manage (or potentially avoid) mental health issues. Not looking for research or self help, more so looking for non fiction personal stories.
| 6 |
GUILT, SHAME AND BLAME experienced by SOs in their support role - mod approved research post
|
Hey everyone, as part of my doctoral thesis\* I've developed a questionnaire to shed some light on how guilt, shame and blame impacts the loved ones of someone with mental health needs. If you, or someone close to you, provides informal mental health support and notice these emotions showing up in the relationship, I would really appreciate hearing from you.
People who have completed the survey have reported finding the differences between guilt and shame insightful and highlighted how it helped them understand more about their emotional experience in the relationship. A community-wide benefit is that the outcomes of the research will be used to improve resources for SOs so that they can be supported more in their role, essentially helping the helpers.
The whole survey takes around 15-20 minutes and after understanding more about your current emotional state, it goes through a range of scenarios to see how you would likely respond if it were to happen today. All answers are scales so there is minimal typing and it is mobile friendly.
You can read more or access the study here: [https://lancasteruni.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_9AWrvoYWvPCqTu6](https://lancasteruni.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9AWrvoYWvPCqTu6)
So I am reaching out to people who support a loved one with their emotional/mental health needs. The person supported doesn't need a formal diagnosis but they need to have accessed mental health support (medication, therapy, etc) for 6 months or more. The survey is available internationally and recognises all types of informal support, be it financial, practical or emotional.
Thanks everyone.
\*The project has ethical approval from the Faculty of Health and Medicine at Lancaster University.
| 33 |
I read a really good article on smartphone use and memory but I can't remember the conclusions
| null | 49 |
do y'all start your week on Sunday or Monday?
|
i'm getting a new planner to track fitness, and i'm definitely overthinking this whole "mindset" thing lmao, re: sunday scaries or hating mondays, other bullshit day associations. so do y'all start the week on sunday or monday & what's your defense
| 14 |
Really excited for tomorrow
|
TW: earring disorder, mlm, parental loss, pregnancy
I am going back to the gym for the first time since my mom died last October. I think I went a few times between December and February, but it was less than 5. My depression story has been a long one, but has gotten significantly worse since 2020.
In 2019 I was pretty heavy in to beachbody. I lost about 30 pounds and had a borderline eating disorder. I found a book called The Fuck It Diet which basically showed me that everything I had learned about dieting was fucked and wrong. I gave up dieting, learned beachbody was a pyramid scheme, and gained 50 pounds.
Fast forward to July of 2021 past getting engaged, married, and teaching through a pandemic my depression wasn’t terrible. I was working out twice a week with a personal trainer and doing small group fitness classes at my gym. I loved it so much. The social aspect was great, the workouts felt effective, and I was truly taking care of myself. Well I got pregnant fairly quickly in July 2021 (yay!).
Early pregnancy was really rough. I was exhausted so I stopped working out. My mom went into cardiac arrest on September 26th, 2021 at the age of 51 and she died about a week later. Needles to say grief, depression, and pregnancy were really fucking hard. I was 16 weeks pregnant and had just found out the sex of my baby when she died.
The rest of my pregnancy was a chaotic whirlwind. I got Covid around Christmas, gestational diabetes at 29 weeks in February, then preeclampsia at 34 weeks and had to deliver via emergency c section at 34 weeks and 4 days. My baby had to stay in the nicu for 3 weeks. Breastfeeding has been really fucking hard and now there’s a formula shortage.
All of this to say… no wonder I’m depressed and my depression has gotten out of control. I do enough to care for my baby, but barely take care of myself. Some days I feel like a shell going through the motions. My husband and I had a long talk about it and he’s upset that I basically threw the towel in on caring for myself for the last few years.
I am really excited to start these classes again. That was when I felt the most confident and successful was when I was doing the small group classes. Tomorrow is a new day where I take the steps I planned on to take care of myself. Hoping for the best.
If you made it all the way to the end, thank you for reading 💙
| 47 |
What to do about rest days?
|
I had to skip a workout and had a rest day. And my mood was absolute lowest. Restless, and anxious all day. Any idea how to manage this or cure this? I am thinking about going for boxing or zumba classes on rest days. I prefer boxing or amy other MMA. But, I am not sure if I'll be tiring my muscles. And I have a feeling this is developing into another unhealthy obsession. Anyone else feel the same way? What are your ways to cope with it?
Also, any idea what might be the cause that I feel so much better after I workout for like an hour and half. Like thousand times better! So full of energy and positivity. But, if I half-ass for some reason, I feel like shit.
| 19 |
I have just lost all motivation to get on my rowing machine.
|
Last week I broke a PB on my rowing machine. 12000m in just under an hour. Thats the longest I have ever rowed and at a decent power output too.
Now I have been there and done that I can't be arsed to get back on it. I have had this happen in the past before when I break a big PB. It actually demotivates me rather than gives me that extra bit of "motivation".
Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do?
| 14 |
If you are more stressed from life before you exercise you are more likely to have an higher level of the stress hormone cortisol after you exercise.
| null | 6 |
Depression after exercise
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Anyone feel this? After exercise I feel tired, no energy to do anything and feel depressed. How did you solve it? Thanks
| 36 |
SCOTUS workout
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Hi, weird title, but I was doom scrolling for a couple hours tonight and was feeling really down.
But I had promised myself I would lift today, so I did, and I feel a little better than before the workout. Here’s why:
- I kept a promise to myself.
- I was moderately distracted during the workout, which as a temporary thing was really important for my mental health.
- The workout reminded me that I have some measure of bodily strength and autonomy.
Sending love and good vibes to everyone.
| 129 |
60 second mindfulness workout - JOKE
| null | 5 |
Is this depression or just acknowledging that I'm a piece of shit?
|
I have no talents, I have low intelligence, and I'm very unattractive. I hate myself, and I always have. I reject compliments, and I am always putting myself down. I feel like an impostor all of the time. I told a close friend when I was 18 that I felt like I was incapable of acknowledging anything positive about myself. I cried. Now I'm 35 years old and I feel the same way. People in my life care about me - at least they say that they do - and I believe that they are lying or doing things out of pity. I feel like everything I have ever accomplished has been luck. I avoid mirrors. I feel deep disgust when I look at my body.
I am a visiting professor with a masters degree and twelve years of experience.
I think about su1cide every day, and I had a small breakthrough recently when I realized that my fear regarding the potential pain of su1cide is irrational, as that which perceives the pain - the central nervous system - will be destroyed in the process, and there will therefore be nothing to remember the pain.
what is wrong with me? Is this all incorrect? Is it all wrong? Or am I just reacting rationally to being a bad person
| 65 |
This is a form of therapy I could get behind. Fat Boy Slim is teaching people to DJ to help with their mental health
| null | 116 |
It's #InternationalYogaDay today.
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Again I had no idea until I opened twitter. Who decides these things anyway?
Putting that aside. Yoga is an important form of exercise for millions of people with proven mental health benefits for all kinds of mental illness.
Would you care to share your experiences with yoga? How it has helped you personally and what you find good or bad about it.
I have to say yoga not something I have tried personally. It's one of those "on my list" things but there is never a local class at a time to suit me. Like just about everyone else I need to work on my flexibility and mobility but I tend to use something like [Starting Stretching](https://phrakture.github.io/starting-stretching.html) and [Moulding Mobility](https://phrakture.github.io/molding-mobility.html) if I am doing that. Also those stretches are familiar from my rugby playing days.
| 5 |
Getting started on EOOD
|
Hello everyone. I am new to this reddit and was hoping to ask a few questions to people who have successfully fought depression using exercise(Sorry if this is not the right place to post questions).
I used to love going to the gym. Being an ex wrestler and gym rat through my high school and college years it was a passion for me(I ended up switching my major from nutrition to finance as job prospects were better).
Fast forward to today things have changed. Nine months ago I went through a divorce along with a slew of other family issues. During those tough years of the marriage leading up to the divorce, I gained 50 lbs. and now find myself to be a shell of my former self. It has been a process of getting this unhealthy over the past id say three years but I am realizing I am at a crossroads.
I can become morbidly obese or I can try to turn this ship around.
The problem is, I hate the gym now. Along with struggling to actually leave the house to get there, when I do actually achieve arriving at the gym, I start to lift weights only to feel the now new joint pains and massive boredom. I cant wait till my lifting sets are over. I battle thoughts of giving up every single rep of exercise. It's like I cant even throw my emotions into the lifts like I used to.
I remember in my 20s I would hype myself up by thinking about a bully, a terrible boss, getting stood up on a date or any other negativity from that week and channel that negative energy into my lifts. Now when I try that with my failed marriage or broken relationships I feel nothing but a deep sadness and depression. In fact it has the opposite effect and I feel weaker.
Do I perhaps have a test deficiency? Is it all in my head? Is this old "take it out on the weights" mentality not viable anymore?
I have no idea but maybe someone else has dealt with this.
| 11 |
This really should be for Rest and Creativity Friday but this is my friend Dan talking about how his art helps with his mental health.
| null | 48 |
How do you cope with the repetition of it all?
|
How do you all cope with the repetition of depression: the having to pull yourself out of a slump over and over again, over years and years? How recently this has changed, I'm not sure, but although my general ability to cope has increased I've found that it's getting tougher and tougher to really snap myself out of it. I think the novelty of the experience (and of triumphing over it) has worn off as I've watched myself age.
Does anyone have any tips on how to keep wanting to win, to overcome this crap? How do you maintain your determination if not motivation in the face of what appear to be dwindling prospects?
| 71 |
Professor Basel van der Kolk author of The Body Keeps the Score talks about different therapies for PTSD, including yoga
| null | 62 |
The best smell in the world, it never fails to lift my mood
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Our mini-heatwave here in the South of England broke overnight. Yesterday peaked at 34 degrees not that far from where I live. Today shouldn't get any hotter than 22.
Better yet when I was at the archery range this morning there was a light shower of rain. The smell coming up from the concrete and grass was amazing. Its technically know as [Petrichor](https://www.metoffice.gov.uk/weather/learn-about/weather/types-of-weather/rain/petrichor). The word has its roots in ancient Greek and more or less literally means "The smell of the golden fluid that flows in the veins of the immortals"
It's the best smell in the world. It feels like the whole earth relaxing after the heat is washed away. I drove home with the windows of the car wide open breathing in great, cool lungfuls of the stuff that flows through the veins of immortals. It's the best drug out there.
| 41 |
How EOOD works - This is a post I first made here 6 years ago
| null | 11 |
Is self harm scars at the gym a big deal?
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I’m not quite sure of the etiquette on this one. Is it in some way inappropriate? Will I get weird looks or something? Does anyone have any experience with this I don’t want to wear joggers to the gym in this heat anymore
| 52 |
Some tips for exercising in the heat from the Guardian.
| null | 27 |
it's also #LonelinessAwarenessWeek too. I didn't know that either
|
I have written about using team sports to get you exercise and social life boosted in the past. Does anyone have other ideas on how to make friends and feel better?
| 58 |
it's apparently #MensHealthWeek, no I didn't know either
|
How about something different to kick it off here
Women of EOOD, what do you think could do to improve their health?
| 0 |
A pretty good illustration of exercise progression over time from xkcd. What we do here is try to break this.
| null | 50 |
Baking is another way to cope with mental health issues, although a bit more dangerous for the health than exercise - no, this is not exactly healthy but this dough makes me happier :) — it’s a sweet bread so more like cake than bread
| null | 93 |
There is racial, sexual, homophobic and transphobic abuse in sport at all levels. It affects the sufferers greatly. It has to stop.
| null | 50 |
Swimmer's body illusion - quite sweary but he makes a point
| null | 392 |
Exercise is not like PE in school or sports in college
|
Admittedly its over 30 years since I was in college let alone school but I think my points will stand up.
PE in my school was all about the school teams for each sport. The people good enough to be in the school team had the PE teachers undivided attention and the rest of us would be left to muck around under the supervision of another teacher who would just be filling in time themselves. If you were good enough to go for trials for the county you were a hero and if you made the county team you were a god amongst men in the eyes of the PE teacher.
I am willing to bet that most of us here fell into the "not making the school team" or if we made the school team or better we have had a gap between that level of achievement and now. Think of Bruce Springsteen's song [Glory Days](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vQpW9XRiyM).
We are all the same now. We don't need to get picked for the team to EOOD. We can do our own thing at our own pace without anyone telling us we are doing it wrong. We don't have any pressure from anyone. We can *enjoy* exercise if we let ourselves.
Forget those freezing cold cross country runs in the pouring rain when you were 13. Find something you enjoy and just do it.
| 38 |
Solo "exercise" versus Social "sports"
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We all know you can read any number of articles and studies saying social isolation and loneliness are massive problems in the modern world. Covid and working from home has made it worse for many people, I include myself in that.
Again we all know you can read any number of articles about how exercise is good for mental health issues. Thats why we are all here after all.
I was just reflecting that for many people exercise is solitary. We might be in a gym or yoga class but we barely speak or even make eye contact with anyone else. Or we run or swim or cycle on our own.
I was born and raised in a small village in a very rural part of England. If you didn't play sport of one form or another there wasn't much of a social life to be had. We did have a pub but there certainly wasn't anything in the way of formal or informal activities for a young guy growing up. Ironically there were lots of social things for retirees that were organised.
I played rugby and cricket. To be honest I wasn't brilliant at either of them but it meant that I had something social to do every weekend. I would see people from other villages outside of work, make friends and basically have a life beyond family and work.
I honestly believe thats why most sports were invented. After all winning or losing a game doesn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things. What is going on during the game is just a prelude to what goes on in the pub afterwards. I got more mental benefits chatting to team mates and the opposition in the bar after a game than I did on the pitch even if I had a really good game personally or we pulled off a remarkable victory.
It's easy to get into sports. Just pick one find a local club and go along. Every single sports club I have been part of was always looking for new members. Just turn up, be keen and help out, even if you start off carrying the water you get to be part of the social unit of the team. Sooner or later, probably sooner you will get a game.
If by some chance you randomly try to join the best team for miles they might well say "Actually we might be a bit beyond you right now. How about trying this other team in a lower league that is nearby?"
So kill two birds one stone, exercise and social contact. What have you got to lose.
| 4 |
Lowering the barriers to progression as well as entry.
|
Here in EOOD we advise people starting out to do something every day that allows you to look in the mirror at the end of the day and say "I exercised". 5 minutes of gentle walking or a few wall push ups beats hours sitting on the couch. Tiny micro victories that are easy to do and achieve.
I think the same principle applies with progression as it does with starting out and it doesn't matter what form of exercise you enjoy.
Once we are regularly exercising we all know it's easy to daydream about smashing records left, right and centre. Then depression creeps up on us and lies to us by saying we will never be able to do that and we give up.
So treat progressing in the same way as you treated starting out. If you can look in the mirror and say "I did something better today" then that is progression. It might be holding a plank for 5 seconds longer than before. It might be shaving a few seconds off your 10k time. It might be going up a grade at tai kwon do. It might be winning a competition (or just taking part in one)
Every little micro victory counts. The more micro victories the greater the effect. It's not a linear relationship either. Thats why tracking progress is really powerful.
Record how you are doing with every workout. It can be as simple as a notebook and pencil or your watch does it all for you. Then you don't miss out on a micro victory. You might not feel physically different after a micro victory as they can be small enough not to notice but once you record it you can't deny it. More importantly depression can't lie to you about it either.
A micro victory shows you that you are progressing. It shows you that you are faster, stronger, more flexible or what ever. It also shows you that you are more determined, have better self-discipline and dedication. It's those qualities that kick depressions arse in the long run.
| 13 |
Tips for Bulking with no Appetite?
|
Hi!
I've recently started to attempt to gain muscle, it was going well for a couple of weeks, but then naturally I've been hit with a depressive episode that's leaving me with little appetite. I have no problems working out (luckily I'm a relatively high functioning depressive) but I'm having trouble hitting even maintenance calories, much less a bulk.
Was wondering if anybody had some tips and tricks for hitting calorie/protein goals when going through this! Thanks!
| 19 |
Executive function is how we get through the day. Depression gives executive function a kicking but there are ways to fight back.
| null | 63 |
What is an active rest day?
|
When I ask this I know what a rest day is obviously but people talk about having active rest day like going for a walk or bike ride, at what point does it go from an active rest day to not a rest day, I’m doing 40 mins of fasted cardio a day so would they still be rest days because I didn’t lift or is it just referring to intensity?
| 13 |
Research Opportunity: Experiences with Mental Health Subs
|
Hi everyone,
My name is Jordan, and I am a doctoral student at the University of Oxford. I am conducting a study to explore people's experiences of subreddits like r/EOOD. This project has been reviewed by, and received ethics clearance through, the School of Anthropology and Museum Ethnography’s own departmental research ethics committee (SAME\_C1A\_21\_006). I have received approval from the mods to make this post, to which I am extremely grateful for.
I am looking for volunteers, aged 18 years or older and fluent in English. You would be invited to participate in an online study that includes interviews. Interviews will last between 30-60 minutes (depending on how much you have to say on the topic). They will take place using Microsoft Teams. However, if it's more convenient they can take place through en email exchange too.
If you would like more information, please contact Jordan Gorenberg at the School of Anthropology & Museum Ethnography, Oxford at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]), or send me a private message here. Thank you!
​
Best,
Jordan
| 2 |
This works
|
If anyone is doubting that exercise can save you, do it.
I just started two weeks ago, and I do one hour every day no excuses. I just go as hard as possible everytime and drink a gallon of water.The first three days sucked but now I can focus and not constantly have intrusive thoughts or ADHD symptoms.
I don't want to ever stop.
| 78 |
The Worlds Strongest Man competition has been taking place this week.
|
There is a great article in [The Guardian](https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2022/may/31/worlds-strongest-man-oleksii-novikov) about how the event has changed over the years.
There is also a focus on mental health at the event and the [Stoltman Brothers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-p-OGf0d3o) and former champion [Eddie Hall](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoDaJzq19LY) have spoken out about their personal mental health issues. Eddie especially has done a lot of work for mental health charities in the past frequently talks on youtube and instagram about his mental health.
| 18 |
“Online Study on Improving Mood”
|
Some simple steps have been shown to improve your mood day-to-day. Palo Alto University is
conducting a research study to determine whether brief interventions help people feel better. If
you are interested in participating in this short study (10-20 minutes and a 5-minute survey in 3
days), go to [https://paloaltou.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_eCK0zC1K3Um4vaK](https://paloaltou.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eCK0zC1K3Um4vaK)!
| 6 |
Inconsistent lifting these past 3 months
|
I've been missing gym for at least a week every month (even missed a whole month of gym) got really no motivation, I specially hate that since I have a short body type muscles won't look as good on me, along with being very busy trying to get a job, so much, I shortened my routine from 5 days to 4 days just to make up time so I don't lag behind to my peers.
It sucks thinking about it because I'm really not progressing, I need to get hyped up to train and not miss a workout day anymore, but I also really need to get a job and keep studying.
| 1 |
Pictures of bleedings cuts and new scars in this sub?
|
A lot of the recent posts have images of fresh bleeding cuts and healing scars that are still red-
I thought that posting these kinda of images were not allowed since they trigger people? If anything, can’t they be posted in a medical sub instead if someone seriously needs help with them?
I’m leaving this sub if images are allowed now????
| 4 |
[Mod Approved] ⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️ Academic Research, Survey on Self-Injury, Participants Needed
|
[Survey Link](https://researchsurveys.deakin.edu.au/jfe/form/SV_emURMcINdZkjmxo)
Researchers at Deakin University are looking for people over 18 years old, located in either Australia, New Zealand, the United States, Canada, or the United Kingdom, who have either a current or past history of non-suicidal self-injury, and have had no thoughts of ending their life in the past month to participate in a study.
We're interested in learning about their personal qualities and skills through a confidential, 15 – 20-minute online survey to understand more about how we can support others who self-injure.
Find out more and take part by following the link. Participants can enter a prize draw on completion.
We also kindly request people help spread the word by sharing this post and the flyer within your own networks. Thank you! ☺️
Flyer: [here](https://acrobat.adobe.com/link/track?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:368df847-9009-31d0-9640-f49a5c3d1531)
[Are you okay?](https://researchsurveys.deakin.edu.au/jfe/form/SV_3wqRYUqyXSexOPY) Select for resources.
​
https://preview.redd.it/t0ujs6o9svbb1.jpg?width=791&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d9f96803af822001c0d213b429b1f569dc18b7f2
| 1 |
Helping a friend
|
I never use reddit but I am desperate right now. One of my primary supports and best friend started hurting herself. She is not being very open with me and I feel helpless. The worst part is that I am still majorly struggling myself. I feel so alone now because she is my one safe person and I can't burden her with my struggles. I also feel like this is all my fault. Maybe if she didn't have me for a friend she would be better off
| 3 |
Uninstalled my Self Harm Tracker
|
I've been clean for about 2 years, and harmless since a year or so (minor fall backs do not count as a hard relapse for me). I feel strong enough to delete the tracker. Urges are there, I don't think they will ever leave, but I don't need to see how far I've come to know why I am staying clean. So I think this is a very big achievement!
| 3 |
TW!! Photos. This is 20 hours later, how long to heal do you think? I work a job where I have to show my arms (ballet dancer) and don’t know what to do, any tips?
|
Will they scar?
| 1 |
Had to 'update' the cuts since the older ones healed & made me feel less valid :(
| null | 0 |
Any idea how to get rid of scars
|
These are 20 years old. I’m tired of them. I was told “not much” when I asked a cosmetic surgery then.
Any treatment I can consider?
Any other sub best suited to
This question ?
| 5 |
Has anyone here had laser removal or micro needling done for scars?
|
I have a lot of scars from self harm they are 7 years old, flat and white. I also have scars from surgeries. I was wondering if it would be worth it and if anyone could share their results? I know I should learn to accept them but I just can’t and it’s so exhausting.
| 13 |
It's hard not to relapse but this is what has worked for me so far
|
Hi everyone, I just found this sub while I was trying to find a healthy way to deal with my urge to SH. Here's a bit abt my struggle with SH and some things that have helped me.
Three years ago I relapsed after about 17 years clean from SH. All of a sudden it was part of my coping mechanisms again. For the past 3 years or so I've been going through a recovery and relapse cycle that feels endless and demoralizing sometimes. For nearly a year I was "recovered" ... until something turned my whole world upside-down and I *wasn't* recovered anymore.
Now I have gone 2 months without relapsing. This is what I'm doing:
1) In the hard af moments when I catch myself holding the SH implement I will press a different part of it against my skin so I feel contact, but I'm not making marks or breaking skin. I will breathe slowly or cry hysterically... whatever, I just take a moment or 12 and don't use the sharp or hot end on myself. This usually ends in me putting the implement down and leaving the room to clear my head or cry hysterically somewhere else.
2) I gave my sharp things to someone I love and trust. I did this to protect myself and I felt quite powerful in doing so. If that's not an option, one could deliberately dispose of their SH paraphernalia. If you burn, that means you can't allow yourself a lighter. This obviously isn't foolproof but it can help.
3) I reach out to others who can understand and offer moral support when I'm feeling very alone. I may or may not tell them how I'm feeling. Sometimes a conversation is enough. Sometimes I end up distracted by something unrelated (thanks adhd! Hah) and I can get through hours of hard emotions and avert a relapse/meltdown.
4) Even if I don't believe it at the time, I verbally tell myself, OUT LOUD, that I am stronger than that. I tell myself that I don't need to harm. I tell myself that I love myself and I have to show my body that I love myself. I verbalize how disappointed I will be in my choice if I chose to harm. It doesn't matter if I don't believe the things, saying them out loud helps to retrain my brain to start believing it. It can't hurt to try, right?
Thanks for reading this far. I hope this helps even one person to stop self harming. I know that writing this post today helped me to stop my own potential relapse.
| 7 |
Does anyone else have a scar from biting themselves if so how do u deal with it and do u ever get over it?
| null | 3 |
547 days clean. Seeking comfort.
|
I am in a really bad place with someone whom I love more than anything. They are not the problem. I am not the problem. Someone between us is.
All I want right now is to get in a bathtub and cut cut cut. The blood... the warmth. The smell. The beautiful red. The stickiness. The relief. The lightheadedness. The after-hit of distracting pain. The shock of seeing muscle and fat cells.
The taste of my own blood.
...Okay, typing that out was cathartic.
I'm not going to go to the hospital again.
(also low-key doesn't the hospital suck when you're 5150'd? No phone and a bucket to shit it and and officer watching you? That alone keeps me sober 😆)
| 9 |
i hate myself
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i keep relapsing i can’t stop. i feel terrible and now i feel even more terrible having to go through lengths to hide what i did to myself. it’s summer and i don’t even wear pants during winter but now i’m wearing pants in hot weather. i feel like a loser. i hate how good it makes me feel. i hate that i do this to myself but i don’t know how else to cope. it’s the only thing that makes me feel good, that calms me down, that brings me relief. but i know it’s wrong and it’s fucked up but i’ve been doing it for more than half my life and i’m starting to think there’s never gonna be a life for me without it. it’s just a part of me now.
i cut myself the worst i’ve ever done before tonight. it freaked me out when i saw it and i told myself i wouldn’t do it that bad again. but now i am laying in bed and the stinging feels so good.
people feel bad when they find out you hurt yourself so i need to make sure no one knows. honestly it’s easier pushing people away than constantly having to hide it. i feel terrible and i know i’m a terrible person. i know i need to stop but it’s so fucking hard and it’s like it’s all i’ve ever known.
| 5 |
How do i cover my sh for the summer?
| null | 4 |
how do i stop
|
ive been going through rough times since 2015 and started self harming then, its been terrible and i cant seem to stop, everytime i think im good i get depressed and anxious and relapse :(
| 6 |
People hate me
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Its too long a drama to get into. But im losing my friends, people I care about hate me now and I can't handle it. I feel like I can't do anything right, and maybe I actually am terrible. Do I deserve to die? I dont know. I dont know what to do
| 3 |
what do i do?
|
one of my friends has been showing signs of self harming, and bad mental health. i honestly feel soo bad and i care for her, but as bad as it sounds i feel too shy to go confront her about it, and i don’t know if it’s the right thing to do but i know it’s probably worse to not do anything about it. she’s been saying very very suicidal stuff, and she always wear hoodies when it’s hot, and her tiktok reposts are all about suicide, and self harm and it kind of scares me. sorry to be dark. and idk if i’m just kind of paranoid abt her or what but a lot of ppl agree with me too. and she seems to have a very bad house hold at home.
| 2 |
I cut for the first time in two years (nsfw ig)
|
Hey I just joined here because I need to say something. I had a situation with my girlfriend where I messed up and I just felt so awful and guilty. One thing led to another and I cut myself. I tried so hard to resist. It isn’t all that big of a cut but a cut nonetheless. I don’t know how I feel. I realized I just relapsed after two years but I don’t feel guilty about that…and that worries me.
I don’t know. I just know my gf and my family would be so sad and disappointed in me, understandably. I do feel like I let them down. I don’t want to go back to how things used to be but I feel like I just ripped open the gates to do so.
| 6 |
feeling kinda alone right now.
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i feel as if no ones around, ive been to told to stop cutting and i have stopped doing so, but they keep on healing and leaving and its made me wanna do it more :(. no one is here for me anymore, i just feel like a pebble in the sand right now, im just all around lonely :(. i never have anything to do, im always free to chat but theres no one around to speak to. maybe they think i bring down the mood? i try to be as upbeat as possible. i dont know. i just want a friend. :{
| 3 |
just a girl and a razor
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i relapsed earlier today and now i’m just staring at my razor wanting to do it again. i hate myself.
| 2 |
it feels like it’s always going to be a part of me.
|
I started self harming almost 11 years ago. It started off with rubber bands, then pinching, then scratching, then cutting. I turn 23 in a few days and I just cut myself again today. I always think I’m ok then I get extremely frustrated or upset and the only way I will calm down is when I hurt myself.
After I cut myself I felt so much relief… Followed by so much guilt. Now I have to hide the cuts and it’s summer and hot af. I’m scared my boyfriend will notice and I was supposed to go to the pool with my family tomorrow. and my bday I wanted to go out wearing something small and cute but now i have to worry about the cuts being seen.
I hate that I’m like this. I wish I could just stop but every time I think I’m doing ok I relapse. I’ve cut myself twice this year and I just want to stop.
| 6 |
I'm undecided if I have a problem. It's like the solution would be so easy but old habits are hard to break...
|
I wouldn't have a binge eating problem if it weren't for entertainment. So I guess my problem is multi-task eating. I just cancelled my Netflix and replaced it with Pimsleur, but it's not so hard to restart a subscription.
I'm a 32 year old male and have had a problem with multitask eating since I was probably 11. I remember summer nights of collecting unhealthy snack food and nesting in my bedroom with several movies and go to sleep at like 1 AM feeling horrible.
I've always been physically active, so I don't gain weight, but I'll often wake up with "food hangovers".
When I was in college, I didn't have any regular eating habits, which didn't do me any favors. I also didn't graduate for medical reasons, which were probably partially related to my diet.
I joined a high-control "spiritual" group at 21 and was involved for 9 years. When I was around the other students, we ate together and generally were able to keep conversation light at meals and it was actually okay. When I was living alone (still involved with the group), I 'd stay up late, watching TV shows and eating crap.
I cut contact with those people after I ran out of money from being expected to travel all the time and volunteer my time. I went to a brief trade school and have been working in plumbing for nearly 1.5 years. Money is tight and I had debts to pay off and am currently living with my mother. She doesn't have regular eating habits and I want to establish some for myself. So needless to say, we don't eat together. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I eat in my bedroom in the evenings because I find her presence irritating. I don't hold it against her, it just seems like she's constantly in a state of anxiety (mouth breathing, etc.) and I notice how that energy affects me. The problem with eating in the bedroom is that my computer is right there. Obviously, eating environments separate from other tasks is a good idea.
I'm not huge into small talk and if I'm eating with someone I actually prefer silence. It seems like these days, there really is no such thing as light conversation for me. It's always like,
"How's your brother?"
"He just had a lower limb amputation, diabetes."
"Sorry to hear that man. I know he has the strength to keep a good attitude, this experience will forge him into Katana-strength steel. Does he have long-term disability insurance?"
And before I know it, I'm involved in trying to solve someone else's issues and I'm not present in my body with the experience of taking food. Thus, I can overeat because I'm not present with the moment.
One way I try to get out of my comfort zone is to eat alone at Mexican restaurants. For whatever reason, it's highly unlikely for me to overeat in that situation. But that gets expensive and I'm trying to be frugal.
Good habits have become a crutch for me. For instance, taking a walk after dinner is a commonly known practice for good health. However, most of the time when I do it, I feel like I have to walk 3 miles just to be able to get a good night's sleep an by that time it's midnight. This isn't an every night occurrence, but it might happen half the time.
I believe part of it has to do with the sense of no control over my environment. My mother will invite her guests or whoever who decide that they want to interact with me. I do my best to be cordial, but you can waste a lot of time "hanging out" with people and I fucking hate it. I've wasted enough of my life and want to move with a deeper sense of purpose. So when she has people over I just leave and eat fast food. Then I end up eating in my car which makes it hard to feel relaxed.
I'm likely changing jobs soon and will probably have a roommate (like a business arrangement), so hopefully the new environment will help. Sometimes it's just easier to deal with a stranger.
I have all these ideals of how I will efficiently spend my time in the evening; studying Spanish, finance, plumbing code, or anything that will increase my earning power, but I often end up sabotaging that precious time.
I have to find a way to deal with this. The solution is so fucking simple; stop watching TV while eating. Be present. I don't want to use the intricacies as an excuse, but the crux seems that I have a hard time holding certain social boundaries. I don't think I'm anti-social, I just deeply reject most of the bullshit that people talk about while we're trying to nourish our bodies.
At this point I'm just rambling and speculating. I'd like the idea of a secular support group, which I haven't seen in my area. I saw a couple in the city I'm likely moving to, so that could be good. They're not addiction specific groups, but sort of men's groups.
I used to try to fast for 1 day a week, but I don't know if that's a good practice or not. I know for some people, "extreme diets" can create eating disorders. I don't know if fasting is extreme though, it used to be a normal part of life until the industrial revolution. I guess I'm looking for way to potentially rebalance my ghrelin and leptin sensitivity.
Also, could using mushrooms be helpful? Whether micro-dosing or in a larger quantity? I don't have much experience.
If you see something that I'm not seeing, I'd love to hear it. Thanks!
​
| 2 |
TW: SH SCARS
|
Hey I’m just wondering how long it would take these to heal and if it will scar and what I should be doing to help heal it like should I wrap it what should I do I regret it
All on my arm, All from scratching
| 1 |
(TW - Depression, Suicide, Self-Harm)My(18M) girlfriend(18F) says she wants to stop her self-harm addiction to make me happy
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Me (18M) and my girlfriend (18F) have been together for just over a year now. Both before and throughout our relationship shes struggled with her mental health, and has issues with self harm. We've been having issues unrelated to this recently, but one night last week she brought up that she didnt want to be alive anymore and she thought that it'd be easier for her to take her life if we werent together anymore. Later in that same conversation she told me that she wanted to break up because she was worried that if we stayed together she'd become toxic and treat me badly because shes been struggling more with her depression recently and wasnt sure how she'd act, and so she felt like it was best for me. We spoke about this for a while, and eventually decided to stay together, as neither of us really wanted to be seperate and it didnt feel like the right decision to make. However, since we had that conversation, her behaviour has changed. She's started saying that she wants to try and be clean of her self harm to make me happy. We've spoken many times about this in the past, and before this she'd made it very clear that she didn't want to try to stop, as she felt that if she tried again and relapsed again it would be too much for her. We'd also agreed that if she did want to stop self-harming, it would have to be for the right reasons - for herself and not for anyone else. I'm more than happy that shes trying to stop, but I'm also very worried that shes doing it for the wrong reasons, and that if things carries on like this it might make things much worse for her in the long run. For example, I have no plans to leave her now or ever, but if for some reason we werent together anymore, I wouldn't want her to feel she has no reason to stay clean anymore. I really dont know if this is okay or not, and I'm not sure how to bring it up with her without it sounding like I dont want her to be clean. I know she has problems she needs to work through, but i feel like she needs me with her to work through them without being driven to end herself. Of course thats not why I'm with her - I love her and want to be with her irrespective of that, but I'm scared that I might be hindering her rather than helping her. Was it the right choice to stay together? What can i do to help her with her issues?
For some added context, shes never been to therapy and doesn't think trying to get into counseling through the NHS mental health system (we're in the UK) would really help her - she's heard so many stories about the waitlist being unbelievably long that she feels that it wouldn't be beneficial in the long run. She's had a few sessions with our school councilor, and while sometimes they do help, sometimes she leaves them feeling worse than she went into it. On top of this, we've just finished our final year at school and so shes not sure that these are still available to her. I'm really the only person shes comfortable enough to talk to about her mental health problems - while her parents are aware that she struggles and has self-harmed in the past, they dont know to what extent and they dont know that she still struggles with self-harm now. I've tried to encourage her to open up a bit more to her friends, but she doesnt want to as of now.
I'd really appreciate any suggestions on what to do to help her. Thanks for reading.
| 6 |
i'm on the brink of relapsing
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is there anyone out there that can say their life actually got better? Can mine does but then it gets bad again
| 3 |
If i keep relapsing will my therapist send me to a psych ward
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I keep relapsing and I plan on telling my therapist. First of all, I don't think it's a good idea cause she'll tell my mom.
A secondly, what's the chance of me being sent to a psych ward if i feel suicidal and keep self-harming? I'm under 18
| 4 |
I told my mum.
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I love her so much Im so blessed to have her in my life I’m so happy that she’s my mother I dont deserve her but I’m so thankful I have her - can’t quit crying
i feel like a burden. I’m difficult. I’ve got issues that make my life, and therefore my family’s lives shittier. I hate being in the way.
I told her I did something really bad, but I wouldnt tell her bc it would upset her. She said it doesn’t matter, that everyday brings something new to react to and it’s fine. i said I hurt myself. With a pair of scissors. She asked if I used plasters/bandaids (no), if someone helped me take care of them (no) were they deep wounds (not really). She asked if it was accidental (no). I showed her them, the light was dim so it was okay :P
She said that it’s fine. What really matters in life is that you’ve got your needs met: water, food, shelter. everything good will follow. She’s what’s good. She is my necessity. I love her. I love her. I love her.Go hug your mothers, unless theyre bad. Then hug your favourite person! and if you’ve got no one but yourself, then you’re your favourite person. 🫂I love you. I love you! Hugs for everybody!
I love her so much. This was originally gonna be ‘should I tell my mum?‘ but I told her! Cant stop crying, no regrets, I love her. She’s so chill ❤️ And even if telling your parents is rough, I’m telling you that they’ll love you no matter what. Things will be better, even if I have to make them better myself. I’m so glad I told her. I love my mum.
| 18 |
Is it SH if I'm just cutting my arm?
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Whenever I got angry I used to get a medical needle and cut my arm (and legs) up leaving marks that would last for a couple of weeks, does this count as Sh?
| 8 |
Drew on my arm instead of sh
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Trying to be clean, drawing really helps me , I'm not that good of a artist but I'm greatful atleast something stops my urges. Things have been ok for a few days , so only had to deal with urges thankfully. Trying to get to 1 week clean, 3 days so far
| 48 |
Telling my therapist about my SH, is it a good idea?
|
Hello guys. I started therapy 2 weeks ago and i feel like i should tell my therapist about my sh because i think it will help me. We’ve talked about my bad coping mechanism and how Im always punishing myself, but i didn’t mention SH because im scared he will do something like calling my parents or put me in a hospital. I just wanna know if he’s allowed to do something if I tell him about it. Im 20 so technically im an adult, but i dont wanna risk it. What do u guys think?
| 12 |
I don’t know how to be better
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My boyfriend has been trying to help me stay clean for months, and it’s been fairly successful when I wanted to relapse I’d watch something with him or something, I still hit myself but I’m “clean” from using blades
The issue is I have no idea what to do instead, I have so much anger and sadness inside me so often and it builds up so easily and because I can’t sh I take it out on my bf without meaning to, I hurt him emotionally and I try to make up for it right afterwards but I hate how I am. I don’t even think being clean is worth it atp because I probably wouldn’t be so angry
Yesterday I was so frustrated I got a bit out of hand and bruised up my thigh, the bruises are about 6-7 inches long across my thigh and they feel a bit harder than the rest of the skin, how do I stop being like this? How do I cope without sh? I don’t have anything else and my job is really physically taxing so working out won’t really work for me, I’ve tried writing, I’ve tried taking showers when I’m upset, I’ve tried working out, I’ve tried talking about it, I’ve tried distractions of things I enjoy, idk what else to do
| 7 |
Stuck in a Relapse Cycle
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I'm home from college for the summer and I just keep finding myself in a cycle of relapsing every week or two. I know eventually I'll maybe get out of this, but in the past 5 years the longest I've been clean is around 3 months. It's starting to feel like there's no point trying to break this cycle, like I'm just stuck in it. I just want someone to tell me that it'll be okay. Most people in my life don't/haven't know that I sh, and those that do/did have all either ignored it like a dirty secret or gotten upset at my relapses.
So often I just feel like there's no real reason not to relapse, it's only a thing that I will notice, so what does it matter.
Idk what my goal is of this post, probably just to scream into the void. I just want someone to tell me that it'll be okay.
| 7 |
Is it normal for the sun to fade the scar and goes slightly white as ur arm goes red after being out in the sun would it go back to the original colour when the redness on my arm goes?
| null | 6 |
I need someone to talk to
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Recently a few people found about my sh , in real life , I need to talk to someone about how they reacted, pm me if you are available to talk to please.
| 8 |
Should I Call and Complain or am I Being a Karen?
|
Should I Call and Complain or am I Being a Karen?
TW: SH
I go to get my hair cut 💇🏼 and the lady is talking down to me the whole time, belittling me for not knowing that "fringe" and "bangs" are the same thing. She acted like it was forever since I washed my hair and it was only a day. Then when she used a "clarifying shampoo" I said okay, and she talked down to me, saying she doubted that I knew what clarifying meant. Then, worst of all, I was wearing a cute tutu. She goes "did u do that yourself?" And I ASSUMED she meant my tattoo, so I go, well I designed it but I got it done by an artist. She goes, no, those, and points out my clearly-faded SCARS. I suppose my question is, should I call and make a complaint?
| 5 |
Self harm thoughts
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I am having thoughts of it right now I don’t know what to do any advice?
| 2 |
I just threw away all my sh stuff!!!
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I recently had to go to hospital for something related to sh and hated how I was potentially affecting my friends having to deal with me struggling etc despite obviously appreciating their support, so today I decided to get rid of everything. It was kinda scary icl but I’m so proud of myself!!!! Hopefully on the road to recovery! :)
| 20 |
I need help
|
Can anyone help im feeling so fucked up and I usually sh when I feel like but I’m trying not but it’s so fucking hard not to please can anyone help me
| 4 |
Never give up, don't quit
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It’s the scars that remind me I didn’t quit .. I kept going ..
| 3 |
Almost 5 days :)
| null | 19 |
gave them all away
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I gave the thing away where i have cut myself with for a really long time, i have nothing anymore to sh with.
So i have been selfharming for already a few months (8 or so) and i finely gave the things away where i cut myself with away to a school counseler. I had really bad erges to use it because off stress for the exams zo badly that i would do it at school while studying in the afternoon. So i desided jesterdayvthat it might be a good idea to gave them away. My friends that know i do sh supported me in this so mutch that i thought it was right.
Today i went to the office of the school consoler and gave 1 away, i told herthat i had more and thati was affraid that i might use them. She tried to convinse me thati should give her evrything. We aggried if i would use it that i would mail her.
While studying it was laying on my desk and i couldnt consentrate so i did do it and finaly release the urges. I mailed after it. When we head a break i saw her and went with her again to her office where i gave evrything to her. It felt right.
When i came home i went to my room and tried to grab the thing i use to sh, i couldnt find it. Then i remembered what i did. I started crying because i wanted it so badly. But it gone be ok i hope.
Has anyone tips on what to do instaid of sh but that has the same temperary effect and not leave pernament things on your skin?
Thanks for ready, stay safe ;)
| 14 |
TW: SH - Bleeding
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anyone know any alternative sh that still leaves marks so is satisfying enough but has little to no blood?? i cant clear up the blood if i do bleed and i don't want someone finding out.
| 5 |
Help?
|
So, I have been really wanting to harm myself recently but it's been a couple months (I think) since I've actually done it last, and I don't want to break that score and end up emotionally hurting my partner when he finds out I did it.
I don't like the pain of doing it, which has been helping, but I like watching myself bleed, it feels special and hypnotizing in a way almost.
But I'd like some tips on how to hold off longer? Or tips on how to make it numb if I do it. Just anything really..
Also I live with my parents and I can't do a lot of coping mechanisms because they would definitely know and they're not exactly good at understanding any of my feelings.
| 5 |
need some help
|
i’m not really sure if this is the place to post this but my (19M) girlfriend (19F) self harms, I don’t want to make this about me but I have 2 birds to kill with this post.
1) I want to know what to do if I think she is going to self harm…I give her all the reassurance I can that she is loved, i’m there for her ALWAYS & i’m very patient I don’t shun it or get upset at her because if someone wants to do it they will regardless of words said…I want to do more & i’m not sure what I can do to help her heal, she’s been very good at stopping herself from SH but she’s relapsed recently & had more urges recently & I’m afraid she will today, I want to help her heal but I have no clue how.
which leads me to the second “bird” whenever I believe she’s going to SH I feel an overwhelming sense of dread & anxiety I don’t mind but when she goes radio silence (via text) i’m terrified & I don’t know what to do at all
| 6 |
Anyone else find it annoying whenever someone talks about how they “need scars on every part of their body” ? It’s always the ones that aren’t yet addicted to sh that say “I’m jealous of your scars” you do not want this
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Trigger warning for speaking negatively about self harm scars.
I know it seems kind of stupid because I understand the whole “i’m not valid unless I have scars” I understand that. I get it. But as someone who went through this shit and ended up with a body I can’t stand to look at due to the scars and was left with horrible body dysmorphia it just makes me so frustrated to see these people ignore the warnings from people like me.
You will regret it. I know it’s their decision but they’re not listening to reason and when you try to explain things to them they get angry because you warned them.
All I’m trying to do is help other people avoid the shit that happened to me. It’s mostly younger self harmers like early teens that do this and I understand so it makes me feel a little bad to point it out but it just sucks to see people make the same mistakes as me right in front of me and ignore me and anyone else’s attempts to help them avoid it.
I would have given anything to have people warn me about the consequences of scars and tell me it’s a bad idea and not a good long term coping mechanism. I would have fucking killed for that. And then when I give a young self harmer the advice that a lot of people WISH they were given, they get angry that someone cares. It’s just so stupid.
I understand baby cut syndrome but there is no reason to get angry at someone for trying to help.
It just makes me so sad.
Does anyone else feel this way?
I’m just trying to warn them against doing permanent damage like I did and so many other people did when they were kids and they get so fucking insulted and angry whenever anyone tries to give them a warning. It’s their choice not to listen to me but they have no right to get angry about it.
It’s insulting as hell to say “i’m jealous of people covered head to toe in scars” when that person hates themselves and can’t even look at themselves.
Edit: have realized i’m wrong and not being fair and will delete this post the next time I have a minute to myself, sorry if this is triggering to anyone:(
| 11 |
snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap sna-
| null | 11 |
does anyone else experience this?
|
tw: talk of cutting and mention of blood
i’m in the later stages of my recovery but obviously the process isn’t linear and i’ve had some slip ups. when cutting after months of sobriety i have become extremely scared to go as deep as i used to and still feel i need to. i feel like i’m trapped between sides because on one hand i’m terrified of hurting myself but on the other i still want to more than anything ever. without the show of blood i don’t feel any better afterwards and now even tend to feel worse. i was wondering if anyone else has experienced this as well? if so does anyone have any tips on getting through those guilty feelings of “not even being able to cut right anymore”
| 13 |
i want to be normal
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i started self-harming when i was young, i remember it used to be the thing that would get me out of bed in the morning. i convinced my sibling to help me buy a box cutter, and i had been using that for a really long time. i gave it to the school psychologist after i decided i genuinely want to stop self harm. but one day after me and my father got in a fight i cut myself too deep and i was bleeding a lot, my mom walked in on me because i was crying and she heard. i still have a really purple scar from that. i fucking traumatized myself, i get panic attacks when i look in the mirror at myself. i have so many scars on my shoulders and legs. how pathetic is that?? it's stupid, i can't even see blood without feeling like i've lost control over myself all over again. my cat bit me the other day and i can't even look at the tiny mark that he left. i don't know how to feel better, i have no idea how to calm myself down and reassure myself i'm gonna be okay. it's scary for me to talk about to literally anyone (even my therapist). i know that this is just so pathetic. because i chose this for myself, i was the one who decided to start cutting. but fuck, this really sucks. i can't go through one day without remembering what it looked like to see myself bleeding out like that. what is wrong with me????? i just want to feel normal.
| 14 |
Does this bruise look normal after 5 days?
| null | 6 |
I’m slowly losing grip.
|
At this point the details don’t seem to matter. I just need to find a way to get from minute to minute without doing anything I shouldn’t do. I’m trying to fill my cup with happy things and love and all the positives. In that time, though, where am I supposed to put the misery that is going to flood into my cup? There is so much pain that I feel a terrible need to cut my chest open so some of it can flow out. All I ever wanted was to love and be loved back. Everyone keeps leaving me though, and while everyone else keeps saying I didn’t do anything wrong, the fact remains they abandoned me. I have to hang on to this life a while longer, to finish a job I signed up for. But what was once powerful enough to keep me has dulled. I am so desperate for anything to help me get through this but I am unfortunately losing this battle. If it’s something I can change, I adapt and change for the better. If it’s something I need to do or not do, I always choose the best overall option. If when I try to do everything the best possible “right” way, and I’m still cast aside in the end, and by everyone that has mattered to me most, isn’t it more likely that I’m just not worth it rather than them being the wrong people for my life? I’m miserable. I’m desperate. I losing this battle. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore. I don’t want to burden anyone else anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
| 5 |
I regret telling my best friend about my cutting (and other self harm)
|
Lately, my self harm has gotten really bad and I felt like I had no choice to tell my friend about my self harm because she was getting mad at me since I was being distant with her.
For awhile, she was supportive of me and I requested if she could ask me how I’m doing because it’s hard to just come up to her out of the blue and go ‘I cut myself yesterday’, like honestly, how do I just say that right off the bat?
Anyway, lately I’ve noticed that maybe I shouldn’t have told her because she doesn’t know how to comfort people (in general) at all and she’s always trying to act like a therapist or sumn and try to find a solution for me. Like- I don’t need her to be my therapist, I just want her to be there for me as a friend.
I’ve actually talked to her about something similar to the way she doesn’t comfort people and her reasoning is that comfort doesn’t work for her when she has problems so she doesn’t do the same for others.
Also, the last time I had a deep conversation about my self harm, she got really mad at me and it still makes me uncomfortable even though I was able to play it off.
Not telling anyone about my true feelings and self harm makes me feel so alone. I’ve tried so many things like crisis helplines but those are better for when I’m about to cut, not for after. I tried talking to my teacher as well but I don’t want my parents to find out because they’re a mandated reporter.
How can I stop feeling so alone with my self harm? I honestly just need someone to talk to about it but if it’s someone I know personally, it just gets messy and my expectations get so high.
In the same light, how can I get my friend to forget about my self harm? I wish that I didn’t tell her to be honest.
I know that I should probably get counselling/therapy but it’s really hard for me to access right now since I’m still in high school and I have issues with my parents.
| 6 |
Burning self harm scars off at home
|
It was a trend back when I was in 8th grade. Self-harming was the new smoking and me and my friends would make scars on eachother’s forearms. There’s no story behind my scars, just pre teen stupidity. Anywho, I was wondering if pouring hot oil on them would help? Like it would peel the whole layer of skin off and then new skin will come in, right? I absolutely hate these scars and regret ever making them, I’m desperate to get rid of them
| 6 |
I relapsed (vent)
|
**TW:** Self harm, SA, (implied)sexting, Drug use, ED.
I hate this shit. I hate myself for being such a failure. Not just to my parents, myself too. I swore that I would never touch a vape, never use drugs, never bully, never be homophobic, never fail tests, never even think about dropping out.
Now I'm chasing highs and searching constantly for the next nicotine hit. I relapsed into self harm, the cuts are deeper this time, and I've been burning myself too, skin picking, ripping out my hair, starving myself. Its so much worse this time. I thought I hit rock bottom last year but this? I never imagined it could get this bad. I'm violent now too, and my mum is angry at me. She should be, honestly. She's been throwing things at me, screaming, drinking more. And whenever I say anything oh she's the victim. Like she didnt neglect me and my sister, like she was even there when we were younger. And my dad? still fighting with my sister. He screamed at her when there's was even a chance she was trans (male to female, she's out to me and my mum, but my mum is pretending its not true) I dont want to think about what he'd do if she came out.
Sometimes I ask my friends if they have a vape when I run out, then I remember I'm a kid. Other kids dont do illegal drugs. They're getting ready for the school musical or collecting squishmallows. I want to blame my ex-best friend for all of it. For molesting me, beating me up, introducing me to discord at 9. That was the first thing that went wrong. Acting older for older men online. She was suffering too, I know she sent them photos and sometimes I wonder if thats the reason she hurt me. I cant hate her. She was a kid too. She tries to get back in contact with me. I wonder if she knows I'm terrified of her. That I dont feel safe in my own bed anymore. That I can still feel her hands on my body.
The only thing distracting enough now is drugs. Drugs. Self harm. Violence. Maybe one day the memory loss from all that weed will kick in and I'll forget it completely.
| 5 |
Is it true that it takes time to accept and get use to scars its been 18 months and not got use to mine yet
| null | 6 |
365 DAYS!!!!!!!!! This time was fuckin hard!
| null | 34 |
Do u think this look improved since last summer?
| null | 9 |
I've got couple of marks one on my hand and one on my wrist I keep worrying and stressing about the one on my wrist I don't know why does anyone else get like that?
| null | 6 |
How long does 30g of scar cream tube last?
| null | 7 |
How to know when scars are healed enough to show them?
|
I have some scars that are healed but still red and haven turned white yet. Is it socially acceptable (at least somewhat yk what i mean) to show them yet? I obviously don't want to risk triggering anyone or overstepping any lines. Thanks.
| 7 |
Does buying (or reviving) medical supplies enable self harm?
|
Ever since I relapsed, I’ve been avoiding buying medical supplies. I’m worried that it will encourage me to self harm more frequently and severely. I still participate in aftercare, I just use things other than medical supplies such as paper towels and duck tape.
I worry that it will remove the fear of not being able to properly take care of my wound especially if it’s something more severe. Having things like butterfly stitches, and stirei-stips at my disposal, makes me think that it’ll just be another excuse to go deeper. I also find aftercare relaxing, distracting, and self soothing, so I worry having medical supplies will make the experience more enjoyable and encourage me to do it more, hindering my recovery.
I realize the increase risk of infection from not using sterile supplies. I’ve never had an infection from self harm before, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t happen in the future. Perhaps if I was cutting deeper, it would be more of a concern.
So what do you guys think? Do you feel like buying medical supplies enables your self harm? Why?
What about receiving medical supplies from someone else? Would that send the wrong message and be a form of enabling?
(I’m going to put more of my thoughts in a comment below to avoid making this to long)
| 6 |
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