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Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Did you hear about the play with all the frogs? | It was ribbitting. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What Gun Company Was Created By Cats | Mauser. I'm sorry |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection... | You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What rhymes with orange. | No it doesn't. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Nobody believes that I can name the Canadian Prime Minister. | It's Trudeau. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's an engineer's best form of birth control? | His personality. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's the difference between Taylor Swift and a stale Pepsi? | The stale Pepsi won't write a song about me after I dump it. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Two Jewish Men are out for a stroll... | 2 Jewish men - Abraham and Jacob - are out for a walk and notice a Catholic church with a sign "We pay $100 when you convert to Catholicism!" Abraham says: "I'm going to see what being Catholic is all about". He goes inside the church for 20 minutes, and when he returns, Jacob is waiting for him. "Have you converted?" asks Jacob "Yes, I am now Catholic" says Abraham "And did they pay you the $100?" Abraham replies "What is it with you people and your money?" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Alzheimer's isn't bad at all | You get to meet new people every day! :D |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I made a political joke up just now... | Given the current temperature of the political climate.... Do you think we can all finally agree on climate change? |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My brother just messaged me "I love my girlfriend <3". | I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why do squirrels swim on their backs? | To keep their nuts dry. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I've already got a car, but I want to have a DeLorean as well. | I would drive my first car every day, but only drive the DeLorean from time to time. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Did you hear about the deaf women getting run over by a train? | Neither did she |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I noticed my waitress had a black eye | So I ordered very slowly because obviously she doesn't listen |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. | It got so bad I had to take his bike away |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I asked my dentist if I can have some of his laughing gas. | He said: "sure, knock yourself out." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | We need to revolt against the... | outlets. They have all the power! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How does Link from Legend of Zelda always die? | Heart complications. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Hey girl, do you live in a corn field? | Because I'm stalking you. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict... | She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands. She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?" The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My English teacher said that nothing rhymes with orange. | There was a young man who had nothing, Until one day he happened upon an orange. That rhymes? |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Yo momma so basic... | ...she got a pH of 15. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Dreamed I died in an orange sea | Was just a FANTA sea |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I would like to be poor one day. | Because being poor everyday it's hard... |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Switzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people | And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | "I will argue with you about anything. Anything at all." | "No you won't." "Yeah I will" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you pay a British saxophonist? | A tenner. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do hillbillies and yeast have in common? | They're both in bred |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A priest, a rabbi and a minister are on an airplane with an interfaith youth group | The plane starts to go down, and they find there are only three parachutes. "We'll take them and jump," says the minister. "But the children," cries the rabbi, "we have to save the children!" The minister snaps, "fuck the children!" The priest glances back at the terrified kids, thinks a moment, and asks, "Do we have time?" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A Mexican walked into a bar. | He was renowned for being a bad drunk, but at the same time, he couldn't help getting tipsy once in a while. He had five shots, and was already losing it. A woman came and sat beside him before he pushed her off the stool and stabbed her right in the chest because 'this senore is smelling of ginger'. He soon realised what he did, and walked out of the shop. Everybody else in the bar was too scared for their lives to call the police. When he got home, a little less drunk, his wife immediately asked him upon looking at his bloody shirt, 'Again, Jose? I thought we agreed on no more strong alcohols.' 'I'm so sorry, Julia,' he replied. 'I had tequila.' |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A crossfitter, a vegan, and a trump supporter walk into a bar | I only know because they told everyone who was there. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | We should switch to the hexadecimal number system already. | And I have a good reasons why. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? | **One** Germans are efficient & have no humor. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Daughters vibrator | A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator. What are you doing?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed. He replied............"Watching the game with my son-in-law." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I feel like a man trapped in a horse's body. | It sucks being a centaur. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I saw two women in a passionate conversation. | "How on earth did *he* get between *them*?" I overheard one of them say. I said, "I guess the 't' and 'm' made room." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children | Fair enough, use an ashtray. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A woman walks into Walmart | She's wearing very dirty clothes, smells bad and looks like she is in a horrible situation. She has 2 kids who look worse in her shopping cart The store clerk says: Wow, are they twins? Woman: No you idiot, they obviously look 2 years apart. Clerk: Oh, they don't look alike. I just couldn't believe you had sex twice. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Yo moms pussy is so bushy | It did 9/11 |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | When a fly drops 5 inches | A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly, dropping five inches each time. A fish sees it and decides it will jump and catch it when it drops. A bear sees the fish and decides it will get the fish when it jumps. A hunter with a cheese sandwich in his pocket sees the bear and waits for it to go for the fish to shoot it. A mouse sees the cheese sandwich and decides to wait for the hunter to shoot so that the sandwich will fall and he can get it. A cat sees the mouse and decides to wait for it to go for the sandwich to jump and catch it. So, the fly drops, the fish jumps, the bear goes for it, the hunter shoots, the sandwich falls, the mouse goes for it, and the cat jumps, but he misses and goes into the water. The moral of the story: when the fly drops five inches, the pussy gets wet. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My doctor used two fingers during my prostate exam... | He said he needed a second opinion. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A man walks into a bar ... | ... and tells the bartender, "*Quick! Give me a shot of whiskey before the trouble starts!*" The bartender pours the drink, patron downs it, looks around, and repeats, "*Quick! Give me another shot before the trouble starts!*". This goes on again and again for 9 more shots. Finally the bartender asks, "*When is the trouble going to start?*" The man says, "*When you find out I don't have any money.*" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Kim Jong Un is like a Penis shaped potato. | He's a little Dick-Tater. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Isis bumper sticker | I'd rather be heading. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do apes call sunbathing? | Orangutanning. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I went for a job interview today... | "Describe yourself in one word." "Indecisive, maybe. I'm not sure." |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Hey I just met you, | And this is crazy, I have Alzheimer's, Hey I just met you. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Mother: Son, your teacher told me you've been swearing in school | Boy: Mom, do you believe everything that fucking bitch says? |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | When I was in college, my roommates would have sex with anything that moved. | I never felt the need to limit myself that much. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What is it called what a man goes down on a woman in a bar? | A pub.lic display of affection |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call a deer with no eyes? | No ideer What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no ideer |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How do you become a millionaire with horses? | You start as a billionaire. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. | So I said, "get off me you two!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Did you hear about the guy who made an outfit out of super glue? | It was hard to pull off. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How do you keep an idiot worried for a day? | I'll tell you first thing tomorrow |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | This is my step ladder. | I never knew my real ladder. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I want to die peacefully in sleep, just like my father. | Not screaming in horror like passengers in his bus. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My mother was in a car crash but luckily she was okay... | WAS okay, she's dead now. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How do you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach? | He's got sesame seed buns |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A man had his credit card stolen... | However, he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do you call a rain of strategy games? | A Tropico storm |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Violence is the only option. | Unless a mosquito lands on your dick, then it's a hostage situation. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I write my mistresses' phone numbers on the rear view mirror. | I know my wife would never think to look there. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My Ex Girlfriend was getting beaten up at a bus stop by 5 guys, so as a human being I had to step in and help.... | She didn't stand a chance against the 6 of us |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | If I had a dollar... | For every time I disappointed my family, I would have enough to make them proud. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? | Finding half a worm in your apple. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | People here take so much for granted. | If you took away someone's car, house and clothes, They'd have nothing. But if you did the same to someone from one of the poorest countries, they'd probably still have aids. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I let a pasta chef borrow my car | He returned it all denty. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's the best thing about dating a feminist? | When you go out for dinner you only have to pay for your half! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Jesus may have been offended | Elderly couple in church during Easter mass. Wife turns to husband and says, "I have just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband says, "put new batteries in your hearing aid!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I'm working on my second Billion dollars. | My first billion didn't work out so I've moved on to my second. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I attempted suicide today | Won't ever do that again, I almost killed myself |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How many contractors does it take to screw in a light blub? | None, it's a union job. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks... | Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Did you know Obama was from Hawaii | Kenya believe it? |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I took my Indian friend to a Persian restaurant | He said the pita was second to naan. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I come off confident and cocky cause i call my dick life. | But really its cause life is short. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | By accident, I wore my son's shirt to work today. It was a bit tight under the arms. | Guess I should have taken his arms out of it before I put it on. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What kind of bee gives you immortality? | A Zom-bee!!! |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | So a bartender says, | "We don't serve time travelers in here!" A time traveler walks into a bar. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Fell asleep at a house party last night and someone put a teabag in my mouth, I went fucking mental... | No one treats me like a mug |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What do Donald Trump's toupee and a thong have in common | They both barely cover an asshole. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | The perfect clinic | A man is driving down a road an sees a sign for a clinic that says " we cure all diseases for $500, and if we can't we give you $500" the man is Interested and goes in. When he's with the doctor he tells him " doctor I can't taste anything" the doctor responds by saying "nurse give this man 2 cups of solution A" the man drinks it and says " this tastes like piss" the doctor replies by saying "that'll be $500" the man angered pays and leaves. At home the man decides to go again to get his money back. He tells the doctor this time " doctor I can't remember anything" the doctor responds by Saying " nurse give this man 2 cups of solution A" the patient responds by saying " hey that's piss I'm not drinking that again" the doctor says " that'll be $500" the man furious pays and leaves. The man determined to get his money back returns for a third time and tells the doctor " doctor I'm blind and can't see" the doctor does the usual routine, and the patient drinks it and says he's still blind. The doctor than pulls $5 and says " here's the money" the man replies " this is only five dollars you still owe me $495" to this the doctor replies " that'll be $500" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I had an idea for a movie plot. | A retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How do you create a hipster? | Give a homeless guy an iPhone. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer | ...than the men who mention it. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A pirate goes to a doctor... | A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them. "It's ok," he says. "They're benign." The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | My wife treats me like God, | she ignores me until she wants something |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why do so many blues musicians come from Korea? | Theres a lot of Seoul |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What did the oceans say to eachother? | Nothing, they just waved. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A man sits down next to a lady reading a newspaper by the window on a bus... | He can't help himself and has to fart so he does his best to sneak it out. He glances over and she doesn't seem to notice. Relieved, he decides to attempt light conversation. "Are you done with that newspaper?" he asked. She replied "No, but next tree we pass, I'll grab you some leaves". |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? | Two One to screw in the lightbulb and 1 to hold the Cock Edit: Father Edit2: Ladder |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's the difference between and out law and an in law? | Outlaws are wanted. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | Why can't t-rex clap their hands? | Because they're all dead. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | An introvert walks into a bar... | Then immediately walks out because fuck that shit. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | A man is waiting for a bus, when he sees a blonde across the street digging a hole... | ...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing?" "We're working" the first blonde replies. "Just the two of you?" He inquires. "Well" the second blonde chimes in, "there's usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick" |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | When in doubt ... | Wife : I doubt my husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman we both know.... What to do? Shrink: Take your husband to that woman's doorstep and see if his wi-fi connects automatically. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | What's the difference between Donald Trump and a baby polar bear? | It will be a year before the baby polar bear kills its first seal. |
Write a joke that starts with the following setup | I have a girlfriend but.... | "But what?" "She's in another nation" "Which one?" "Imagination" |
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