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No feeling at all. I am completely numb. I have not felt anything but anger in a long time and while that is sustained me for quite awhile it to is starting to fade. One day soon there will be nothing left of me but an empty she will, devoid of any human emotion. When I heard about the children who were murdered at the residential schools I did not feel any emotion. My aunt died a few years ago and I felt nothing. People tell me they love me but I do not love them back. This is not a life. What I am doing right now is just existing at its most basic level and I am tired of it. Existing without being fully alive is a horrible experience and I cannot do it much longer. I know that my suicide will be devastating for my family and that is why I have hung around this long but I cannot continue existing just for other peoples sake. I do not feel anything anymore | Suicidal |
i deserve it i like being insulted at this point | Suicidal |
I have tried, and I have improved. Everything from academics to physique. All that got me is the realization that no matter how much I try, Ill never be good enough for anyone. Not my parents, not my former classmates, and not myself. I honestly do not know what to do. do not try | Suicidal |
I am prolly going to go hang my self later today, I want to stab the shit out of my brother because ever since he existed my parents only cared for him, every time he makes a mistake they are so nice, but for me they just constantly say how useless I am. I really do not see the point in living. Ill just give my important stuff to friends and depart from this miserable world. Bye Its normal to have urges to stab someone right?... right? | Suicidal |
I already know how and when I am going to do it ,but I am scared that I might survive. You see, my plan is taking a bunch of sleeping pills, 'cuz I am 2 much of a pussy to just cut my throat ,but what if it does not work and I survive? How i am going to face my parents and friends? I think I am going to do it | Suicidal |
Anyone have any ways of coping with this? Fires around where I live have left the sky smokey. My mom is a climate change denier and it kills any hope I have that people can change this around. My dad was telling her that she needs to stop watering the grass since we are in a water shortage and she said "of course we are in a water shortage; it is summer." I do not really want to watch this get worse and see the people I care about suffer Climate crisis exacerbating suicidal thoughts | Suicidal |
I have always wanted to die but I know I would have never killed myself. Always wished life would hit me and I would be gone. But today though it is been on my mind.My life has gone downhill this year. I lost my job, my car, and now I am losing the place I live at all because of my drinking. Earlier my boyfriend broke up with me and I do not even know why. So I just want to fucking die. I have been thinking about it all day | Suicidal |
The argument as I drive to use again.I hear myself, you do not have to do this. But I need to.I do not want to remember who I am.I cannot keep thinking. I am tearing myself apart | Suicidal |
I am only 20, but when you have been depressed since age 12 and you get shut down every FUCKING time you ask for help, its hard to find a reason to keep going.I am a trans male, my parents still deadname me and my dad thinks I am attention seeking. I have had many attempts at therapy over the years but it mostly consisted of what do you think your suicide would do to those around you? or idk what to do with you, you are just clinging onto your depression so I think I really have completely given up now. It could potentially get better, but I am far too tired and hopeless to cling onto that hope anymore. I did not ask to be born, why should I be forced to live and suffer just because other people will be sad?The bridge only gets more tempting every day Is it ok to give up now? | Suicidal |
I have not been in a worse state ever I am in high school the best time of your life but I have just been miserable Time has been going by so fast I have no interest in what comes next like at allIf I could just sleep for the rest of my life that would be ideal in all honesty I just want to be ten feet underground The problem with killing yourself is that you could survive. Imagine having to life the rest of your life in a state even worse then now. Say you survive, would you know better to finish the job, or would you just suffer?Everything has gone downhill since that year. I had a large group of friends that year who all cared for one another. We looked after each other. We had similar interested. It was fantastic! I had a phenomenal teacher that year. Our class was so close. You could chat with anybody. It felt like a miniature family. My family did not fight every day back then. There was an influx of video games to play. Content I enjoyed (both television and YouTube) was at a peak. I actually enjoyed playing Basketball.I had motivation to get out of bed. Lastly, have not been in a relationship since 2017/2018. Have no interest in it. The worst part about all of this is that I did not cherish it as much in the moment compared to now. How was I supposed to know it just got worse? Everything has gone downhill since 2017 | Suicidal |
My grandma died and now I just cannot keep going. I cannot do this anymore. I use to say as a kid that Id kill myself when she dies, that is how close we were and now she is gone. I do not know what to do | Suicidal |
Day #1Decided to not kill myself today, and I am going to keep track of the things I have done since. I have got enough time to prove myself right, hopefully its not wasted. I am going to continue to write out my days warts & all until I feel like my life is worth living or if I decide otherwise. Hope whoever is reading this comes along the journey, I just do not want to feel alone anymore. Day #1 07/20/2021 3:09AM CST | Suicidal |
@that_groyper Really tired of everything. It's all just so lame and gay. Nothing serious us ever going to happen an⦠https://t.co/swSugXE6ua | Suicidal |
Recently split with my girlfriend of 6 years after seeing her make out with a mutual friend of ours one night while we were out.I had a hard enough time dealing with the breakup but two months after we split she asked for our cat Bellamy which we had adopted together. Well after fighting about to cat and who should get to keep it I get flooded with screenshot after screenshot of her and her new boyfriend talking shit about me and all my flaws, how great they are sex life is and how much happier she is with new guy.These txts have been on repeat in my head ever since and I just do not see the point in pushing on, why suffer everyday when relief is just a trigger pull away. Why push on? | Suicidal |
I am so tired, no matter how much i try and better myself or challenge myself my thoughts always just come back to this. I will not ever be happy in this world and how it is now. Everything is a chore, everyday is pressure. I am from the UK, so i cannot get hold of a gun which would solve everything. Why is not there a good option for us to end it all if we do not want to be here? I do not want it anymore | Suicidal |
Does anyone want to chat? I am trying to keep the thoughts away. I am feeling very suicidal tonight | Suicidal |
When I was 16, I attempted suicide. I thought life could not get any worse than it was back then. I decided to help others if I could not help myself and started working for a suicide prevention crisis support line two years ago - I sat with people in their darkest moments trying to help them see hope. Now, I am having debilitating thoughts of suicide and seriously considering trying to end my life again. However, I have someone relying on me now and I do not want to pass on the pain to my newborn. It would be awful to grow up knowing your parent suicided a few months after you were born. I have tried seeking help, I have seen four different professionals and its just not working. I do not even know why I am posting, I am just lost and struggling. Never thought Id be back on this side | Suicidal |
My family does not want me to die neither do my friends, and we will I figured out that by trading in forex I can get to millions of dollars and then I can sleep my life away while having a supply of food and having my expenses paid for Finally found my way to suicide without actually suiciding | Suicidal |
Please let me know how to close the deal with the most of painless way. How to die peacefully? | Suicidal |
I hate my fucking life. Just suffering fucking 24/7 no joy or pleasure. Want to be fucking dead My life is fucking shit | Suicidal |
I have been contemplating suicide for a while now. I have had many attempts but can never bring myself to do it. I do not think I want to die I just want the pain to stop I am so emotional and I drive people away with my bad energy my friends can only be around me for a certain amount of time before they start getting distant and angry with me my mom is worried I am worried why cannot I be the old me I just want someone who will listen anybody Why am I the way I am | Suicidal |
Thank you! Feel free to send me a message I just need someone I can talk to....please | Suicidal |
I just turned 22 and I am contemplating my suicide. I have never been really happy in my entire life. I had to grow up with verbally and emotionally abusive parents that should have divorced years ago but never did and in the meantime they dragged everyone down. I hate my mother, she is a narcissistic huge cunt. I despise my dad, he is weak and absent.I hate my aggressive and physically abusive siblings. I absolutely hate hate hate my abusive, manipulative, lying, sadistic ex bf. He taught me the true meaning of the word hate. I hate my life, I hate my awfully scarred body, I hate my chaotic paranoid mind. I go to therapy but I stopped taking meds and I am slowly relapsing. Sometimes I put up a mask and I tried to enjoy life, the only peaceful moments are when I am alone, lost in silent places away from everybody else. I had those moments and I hold on to them, but it is not enough. I want to die, to end my miserable lonely existence. My long distance best friend is the only one who wished me happy birthday, she remembered. Tomorrow I will have to put that fucking smiling mask and live another day if I do not end it now. I am scared, but I have been here before. I made 5 "official" suicide attempts so far, and countless times that I was just about to end it but I stopped myself for stupid reasons. I am about to slice my throat open with a long exacto knife.I will always be 22 years old Happy mf birthday to me | Suicidal |
358 days ago I made my last post. And here I am again. If I had known I was going to wind up back in this place, I would have just killed myself back then. It gets better is a lie. It does not get better. Nobody gives a fuck. I am sitting here with a bottle of whiskey and all the pills in my house. I am alone. I am afraid. I hope it does not hurt. I hope it works. I hope there is no hell that is any worse than this life. Fucking adios. If I would have known it was going to end this way, I would have killed myself a year ago. | Suicidal |
I have been in and out of feeling suicidal for a few years. Feeling suicidal as in creating a plan, practicing that plan, waking up most days wanting to go through with it, seeing items and thinking about how I could use them to off myself, and so on. I have spent two years with a therapist going over trauma,anxiety, depression, and everything that goes with it. there is been times that I have felt the light shine through, like I was able to work past the bullshit and experience reality in its real form. But I am once again in the low, and once again, it hurts like a motherfucker. Its worse with each major low and each time I feel like I lose another piece of myself. At this point I feel like a husk of who I once was. No drive, no happiness, no goals, just basking in self loathing. It sucks and its no way to get past what I am feeling, but I am trapped in this mindset. I no longer feel remorse for who I leave behind. I know the pain is immeasurable for those who have to suffer the loss of a loved one, especially from suicide. So much greater than my personal hurt but I am fed up. I am fed up with the person who stares back at me in the mirror. Its pathetic watching myself move through the days. And I think its time that I stop being such a self centered dreamy little fuck and do what I have said I was going to do. there is always the next life to try again Bout done | Suicidal |
I have decided against killing myself I just realized I still have a bet with a friend the bet ends in high-school I have not even reached high school yet so I am living for that bet sorry if I scared anyone Sorry for the people who saw my last post | Suicidal |
I am 20 year old with some good friends but I am just tired a had a problem with bullying when I was little and that hit me hard but the thing that annoys me the most is like all my friends succeeding in life without even trying like the relationship part without even wanting one and I just feel fucking jealous.. I am just fucking ugly and all I want is to find a person to love..I feel disgusted by myself that I am jealous of my friends and I just want to end it all but I just see my family's faces and I do not want to put them through this.. I feel I am playing my life on hard mode while everyone is on easy mode.. I just cannot do this anymore I am just tired. | Suicidal |
I am broke and do not have anyone to go to. but i do not want to leave everything behind should i run away or kill myself | Suicidal |
title says it all. I am not like actively suicidal of anything but I am kind of tired of never being interested anything. I also dislike the idea of having to work my ass off just to survive when I do not even enjoy being here. Id like to try a new place. I do not believe in afterlife, but even if there was a place where Id go after I die, it cannot be any worse than this can it? I am tired of here and Id like to try a new place | Suicidal |
I live in Europe till my cousin told me she friend zoned cuz she told me your like my brother now I am super angry I never expected this bullshit I wish I was badass and smart I am shy and and an idiot fk I wish i had a gun I would like to explode my brains well once vacation is done imma stab my veins so fk hard fuck life Frist time friendzoned | Suicidal |
Sorry for the alt but people that still care about me use reddit and I cannot let them find out. My entire life sucks and I cannot take it anymore. Whatever I do, I fuck everything up. Everything I do goes wrong. If I breathe in, some bad thing happens in my environment. Fuck that. My entire life is a failure and I cannot take it any longer. I do not care about anything anymore so I will just leave a note why my entire life sucks. Doubt anyone will read anyway.I am ugly as fuck. I was born too early and I am extremely short. If I eat more than 1 meal a day I gain weight. that is why I am slowly becoming overweight. Even people who pass me on the street call me ugly. I am an adult and my body stopped aging around puberty. Guess how fucking miserable I look. I have not smiled for the last 15 years probably. Most of my friends abandoned me and if I want something from them it is always me to contact them. I do not have any special talents. Had to run away from home to be able to move out. Did wageslave jobs that resulted in permanent back pain and back/bladder issues. Every minute on the toilet is painful as fuck. I spend the entire day in front of my pc and the back pain is so strong that I need extremely strong painkillers that are almost like drugs at this point. When I take them everything feels like I am on a drug trip and I start to enjoy it but I am useless for the rest of the day. Alcohol also makes me feel good but I cannot always afford it. I will never be able to have a relationship anymore because my first boyfriend abused me and locked me in his home, my first girlfriend cheated on me with my ex boyfriend. I cannot even watch porn anymore because PTSD kicks in. Horrible right? And recently I realised that I am trapped in the wrong gender very likely. If I look in the reflection in the mirror I do not feel like it is me. I do not even know what I am at this point. I thought everything would be better if I join uni but I keep fucking up my minor. I am below average in my major and can pull through but my minor fucks me. I failed at least 2 classes each semester and if it would not be for covid I would have already been kicked out. I am now taking a minor class for the third time and I still got 0 points in the mock exam. I fucking suck. I hate myself for going this way. I feel like a fucking retard doing a class three times. And this is supposed to be a freshman class. It will only get harder. My uni however has finally given me the chance to escape this cruel world. I get to study abroad and they pay the tution fee. This is my chance. In 2 months I will fly to a different country, quit all my insurances so you cannot take me back! I will probably cut my veins in a public toilet and die a miserable death. Nobody will find out if I have died because everyone excepts me to be gone for 6 months. My death will never be announced to them because I am in a different country. Because I will burn all my public documents, nobody can identify me. I will be missing in action forever. it is only these 2 last months and after that I am finally free. I just need to pull it off. Just 2 more months and I can finally leave this world forever. do not mind my short rant. | Suicidal |
Why do people care so much that I stay alive? I do not want people to care I just want to die. I do not have the strength to commit suicide but I so desperately want to. What the fuck is life? Why cannot I take it? What is existence? | Suicidal |
I need someone I can talk with, if anyone has any disorder and wants to open up or if you are willing to just talk with me it would be helpful Psychosis, ocd, schizoid, depression | Suicidal |
Any suggestions for suiciding painlessly I heard that jumping from a high building is the easiest way to go is that real? | Suicidal |
And I am not sacrificing my entire existance on this planet to work. Its so expensive to live we might as well just die | Suicidal |
I have decided. I will get about 40 panadol pills to end my pain. I might bring a knife as well to instantly end myself. I am not brave enough for other methods. Probably taking my life on the 11th | Suicidal |
I have made promises to stick around but I cannot any more it is too uncomfortable all the time and I ca never breath and I feel like I want to tear myself apart to let some of the hurt out but It dosent work that way. There is only one way that works. I am too tired to carry on. I am not brave enough to write a suicide letter because I domt have the words to say to the people I love anyway. I am not sure why I am writing this. I am not sure I want help or if anyone can help. Probably they cannot. I think I am probably going to try and hang myself | Suicidal |
There has never been anything in my life that does not end in failure. it is been like jumping from one train wreck to another. Honesty tell me, after so many failures, mistakes, whatever is there really anything wrong with just giving up? Trying and trying to get better with never so much as a single result seems like insanity to me. I cannot do it anymore something has to change or stop or something. Please help I am just tired | Suicidal |
I am a 450 pound man that can barely walk, my life cannot get much worse. Is suicide underrated? | Suicidal |
Just cut to deep fuck Ah | Suicidal |
I am going on a end of life journey tomorrow. I am texting every relative in my family this"As most of you may or may not know, I have asperger's and ADD, along with a lot of anxiety and depression. I have tried to live alone, and I have found working a fulltime job in a place I am unfamiliar with to be unbearable. For one, it is incredibly lonely being by myself even if I see family on the weekends to go to bed alone each night. Second, I am so depressed and have so many panic attacks about my predicament that it is getting hard to work a 40-hour-a-week job. Third, the pressure of being responsible for everything in my world with no help is overbearing. So I have decided to reach out to my phone contacts to see if anyone would let me live with them and get a part-time job in the area, and pay what I can for rent. I will wait 72 hours after sending this text to everyone while staying in an undisclosed location. If I do not get any offers, I will open a tank of \[redacted\] inside my car with me in it. If I get found and sent to the hospital, nothing will change - I will simply wait until insurance stops paying for me to be there, buy another tank of nitrogen, and do the same thing I set out to do. I cannot bear to go on. I already have 2 therapists and a psychiatrist - a hospital would be effectively less than that except I would not be able to do anything bad until I got out. I assume I will just either get ignored by everyone, a bunch of people being angry at me, or a bunch of people telling me to stop and trying to tell me how good my life is. All I can say is that unless you have lived with mental illness for a long time it is hard to understand what it is like to suffer mentally every day and live a normal life and I have (obviously) hit my limit. I do not want to see myself lose my job and my condo. I would rather go before all of that happens" [Trigger warning] Cannot handle life anymore | Suicidal |
I am doing it. Who fucking cares anymore. Everyday I lie saying its getting better its getting better. When its not. I do not care anymore. I do not want a future. I do not want to wake up anymore. I want to be a statistic not a person. Fuck it. | Suicidal |
9th July 2021 will be my last day alive.Even if you see this nobody can help me I just hate my life too much and this is the only escape. Goodbye all Killing myself | Suicidal |
I first noticed my desire to commit suicide in 3rd grade because my teachers has been severely bullying me (name calling, hair pulling, shoving, humiliation, etc) and nobody wanted to help me. Everybody knew and nobody wanted to help me. My parents said I was being dramatic and did not believe me so I just stopped telling them. Other staff members were complicit in it or joined in on the fun and all i could ever think was that I deserved to be sad because I was ________ or ________, and I deserved to die. Then it just continued like that for the rest of my life. Anytime I was sad it was because I deserved it. But the worst part is I never want to be alone. Everytime I get this way I reach out and almost BEG for help. From my parents, teachers, friends, family, anyone who is supposed to help me and the worst part is they do not listen. It feels like nobody cares because of how often this has been happening. I have been dealing with horrible depressive episodes, disgusting methods of selfharm, and days where I do not sleep or eat because I just want to kill myself since the 3rd fucking grade. I have been this was for almost the majority of my life now and nobody wants to help me because of how long its been. I am scared of myself. I am scared of how alone I am. I am scared of how long its been and how every single episode only gets worse. there is never a time where I feel like this episode was better than the last because it just feels like I am sinking deeper and getting closer and closer to the bottom. I am at a point now where every single problem feels like the end of the world. Even now, my boyfriends been distant lately and every moment he is ignoring me just feels like its pushing me closer and closer to the edge. I have dropped food and spiraled downwards, gotten a 99% instead of a 100%, been in a room that is a little too loud, been inable to order my favorite food, etc; the smallest shit and my mind forces me into this state. I have had it worse, but it feels like my mind is just looking for any excuse for me to end it all. Nobody cares about this. My friends change the subject or demand I be better so we can hang out, my parents think I am faking it for attention for almost a decade now, my relatives do not give a shit about me either way. I cannot bring myself to tell my boyfriend about how bad it is. he is been so supportive of me in the past when I lightly touched on the subject but I cannot bring myself to be vulnerable with him if I am just scared he is going to leave and not care about me anymore or if I am scared I will just be a burden on him. I want to be better so badly. More than anything I want to just be okay and not feel so alone. I am terrified right now because if it keeps getting worse like this I do not know how much longer I will go on. I have dreams and goals. I want to go to college, get married, have children, have a successful career in writing, even normal everyday things like eating my favorite snack, but its so hard to keep going like this. I just want to be happy. I want to feel loved like I was when I was younger. I do not want to feel alone anymore, I just want to be okay. Its only getting worse. | Suicidal |
i did not mean to ghost them, but all i know now is that i can actually never kill myself because it hurts them. it hurts them when i do not talk to them. it hurt me too, but i cannot stop being mentally unwell and exhausted and having my brain plagued with intrusive thoughts and anxiety and depression. i just want to fucking die. I am not happy. i will not be happy for a long time and i really cannot fucking take it. i want to fucking drown. i want to die. i had a dream last night that i got 2 cockatiels as a pets. i brought a new cage for them and put it next to my budgies cage. my mum was enraged, and proceeded to beat the shit out of me abs scream at me. in the dream my friends arrived and watched me get beaten up. as i lost more and more blood they just stood there. one of them intervened after a while but i woke up shortly after, when i died in my dream.i fucking wish that was real. i wish i could see them, i wish i could die. i wish i could die not at my own hands and have them know that. i do not want to traumatise them tho. i feel awful. because i do not want them to suffer, they are amazing people; but i really want to fucking die. i want to suffocate. I am sorry. I am really sorry. WHY cannot I STOP HURTING THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE? | Suicidal |
You cannot even post here unless you want to die. This group is fucked up. You would rather have someone post there last bill board of how they are going to instead of a positive message. In some sick way the mods are getting off on not being the ones to do it. Shame on you. This sub should be deleted. Sick mods | Suicidal |
I do not want to die. I just want the pain to stop. Today is our 7 year official dating anniversary and 6 years ago we got engaged. Then on September 10, 2014 we got married. All of these dates hold so much meaning to me. Last night I was pleading with the universe, God, anybody to just stop my heart from beating. I am in so much pain.Tonight he will be spending the night and rest of the weekend at his boyfriends place (he left me for him). I will be here at this big empty house alone.I really do not think I am going to get through this. Today is hard | Suicidal |
I do not think many people saw [my post from earlier this week]( but the tl:dr is: I have been suicidal for a while but especially the last month or so, there is a forest fire raging less than 10 miles from my house, I called the suicide hotline because the fire and the thought of evacuation are making me feel way more ready to actually end myself. The suicide hotline operator told me that she thought I was a prank caller, then implied I should stop calling (because I have called before multiple times), and hung up on me.I thought the fire was bad a few days ago, but its only 2 miles from my house now. The forest service has done nothing to prevent the fire until today, and even right now they will not answer any calls from people in the town, and they only have those bucket-helicopters working and no ground crew (called my aunt who works for the forest service the next town over on the other side of the fire and she filled my family in). They tried to back burn but we do not know how much it helped. there is so much smoke that there were times today you could not even see the sun. I am watching it as I type and I can actually see the trees catching flame from this distance. Its surreal.I have had most of my belongings packed for the last three days in case I really did need to leave, but I am honestly having trouble imagining myself being able to pack up, evacuate, and not kill myself. I was already planning on killing myself at the end of the summer, because ~~I dropped out of college after two semesters and am already going to be stuck in debt until I am dead anyway, and Ill never be able to go back, even if I wanted to. My only source of income will be burned in the fire if my home burns down because its a farm. I am friendless, boyfriendless, I am broke, my family is a mess. I am lonely as hell. I have probably got half a dozen mental problems that I need professional help for, but I am uninsured and broke, and the one therapy session I have gone to she ignored me when I tried to explain my problems and symptoms and just made me answer a mhs questionnaire she read off her computer. And I cannot stop thinking about my boyfriend who killed himself last year.~~ I have got some shitty stuff going on right now and I cannot see myself finding a way out of it besides taking my own life.I cannot wrap my head around the way the suicide hotline operator acted. What the hell did I say or do that made her think my call was disingenuous? Is it because I have called there before? I have before because it really had helped me up to this point to deal with all the horrible things in my life I do not know how to deal with. A few times the calls have felt forced and like the operator was just trying to get me off the line, but for so many of the times I talked to someone it honestly felt like they gave a shit about me, which is something that I do not really think I have felt from the people in my real life in the same amount in a long time.I am trying hard not to feel hurt because that feels like it would be petty and selfish, but... I am hurt for myself, but also strangely worried, I guess. I may still be here three days later but I feel more prepared, willing, and able to kill myself than I ever have before in my life. I even have half of a suicide note drafted for if I have to do it. What would have happened if she had said that to someone who was holding the gun or the rope or the bottle of pills in their hand already? What the hell would have happened to someone who got her when they called in and were maybe just hoping to to talk to someone before they died, and instead got accused of trying to abuse the system for their own amusement and were hung up on?How the hell could someone who works at one of these lines, who are supposed to be trained in talking people down from these urges. How could someone accuse someone who calls in of being a prankster and try to shame them for this perceived attack, then after hearing the caller promise that they were genuinely afraid that they were going to commit suicide and wanted some comfort or help, tell them that they have called too much before, and then hang up. I cannot stop thinking about what would have happened if someone else made that call instead of me.This makes things more complicated, but even though I feel angry, I also feel bad and guilty for feeling angry. These operators are overworked volunteers, and I know they have a script and a time limit, and they cannot actually offer any advice, and a bunch of other things that they can and cannot do. These people are signing up to try to help people but still have a lot of limits and stressors put on them to be able to do so. Their because is noble, even if their methodology is flawed. And I know that they get horrible horrible prank callers and sex callers all the time, so I can understand trying to make sure they are not wasting their time on those who steal it for their own pleasure when real people suffer when they do not get the support they need. I feel terrible for feeling hurt and angry at someone who was probably just trying to do her volunteer job to the best of her abilities. But I just cannot get her voice out of my head, especially now that I am sitting in my field watching the trees go up in flames in naked eyesight, and now that I am trying to think of the fastest and least messy way to kill myself when I leave. I cannot get it out of my head that she, and maybe all the other people who helped me, might have spent most of our calls thinking I was making it up for attention or for a laugh or god forbid for sexual perversion. I know that I cannot call back to them even though I do not know if I know how to deal with this stuff without calling them and asking. All the other times they have helped me feel tainted now, which makes me feel way worse about my problems. I just do not know what to say do think or feel anymore. Update: The Fire Has Gotten Worse | Suicidal |
i know its selfish but its not like i feel alive anymore. It does not really matter if I am dead or alive. I am a perv, a idiot, I am not good at anything, i addicted to porn, i used to be such an asshole, i even bullied ppl before, I am just the lowest of the lowest. Even i have a decent fam, or maybe i have a decent friends and a decent life. i just feel like I am such trash that it will be a better if i just die but i feel like i deserve to feel like shit, to suffer this karma, even if dying is just an excuse to run away for the shit i have done to everyone around me :) what is so wrong bout suiciding | Suicidal |
I was pretty much suicidal consistently since 2016. I went through another breakup recently which again made me spiral. Thankfully there was a therapy session right after. She gave me a lot of pointers on how to tackle my trauma of abandonment and neglect and general feeling of loneliness. And I went through so much shit in the past 2 years in my relationships that this session just woke me up from my slumber. Like I am done feeling this way. I am done giving my energy to people who do not deserve it. For some reason I do not give a damn about relationships anymore and the very thought of it exhausts me and now I finally feel free. Like I finally feel like I can live my life and direct energy to myself and I do not owe anyone anything. I do not have to spend time deliberating if I mean anything to anyone. I do not have to obsess and overthink, like I am over everything. I just do not care and I want to take care of myself and spoil myself and for the first time like I actually want to live!! Like I want to live my life not giving a shit about anyone else or what anyone else thinks of me or being desperate for a relationship or some form of Connection. I am done feeling this way and ever since my therapy I have only felt excited to live my life as a single person and I am so ready !!! Finally leaving this group | Suicidal |
why cant I loose enough blood on my period that I just die ugh â IDK go see a doctor https://t.co/P2PTooYnT5 | Suicidal |
@SpiritScribbler,,I dont think I want to be on Twitter anymore. I'm not adding to anyone's life here. | Suicidal |
it is pointless. Why I still try to find ways to live? My body is destroyed. My health too. I do not gave a job, I do not have friends I do not have a boyfriend. People think that I am privileged because my parents give me money. I just feel useless.Maybe my problems are not big enough fo others but for me they are. I am a difficult person. Sometimes I think I am better than everyone else, I am getting paranoid that I am special. Other times I just believe that I am a big failure. For sure I am a wasted potential. I do not think it is my fault. I do not care about therapy and yet I am desperate for someone to understand me.I have made my decision. it is does not matter if everyday I try to break my compulsions and find new ways to improve my life and take care of me. Today I permitted to myself to wore a new hair ribbon and I bought a book. But there is no point. Sooner or later I will do what I have to. Finally I will find piece I hope. I know I will always be misunderstood that is ok. At least I know that I fought a lot. Why I still try? | Suicidal |