conversations
listlengths 2
2
| subreddit
stringclasses 3
values | url
stringlengths 29
124
|
|---|---|---|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My cousin (8 years old) broke up with his girlfriend because she puked in his lunchable\nGood man"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Valid"
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/etxqub/my_cousin_8_years_old_broke_up_with_his/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Best one I’ve seen in a while. Thanks!"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/dncde5/most_people_are_shocked_when_they_find_out_how/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "New years resolution is to come up with a ton of new conspiracy theories since all mine are true now."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "How about come up with some decent one-liners instead..."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/zu9gxy/new_years_resolution_is_to_come_up_with_a_ton_of/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I just can't see myself wearing camouflage"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "nice"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/df964c/i_just_cant_see_myself_wearing_camouflage/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "All generalizations are wrong."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "There’s an exception to everything, except this."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/bpsw1u/all_generalizations_are_wrong/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop.\nThe cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did they find all the meth in the back of his car?"
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/dqzvq/heisenberg_is_out_for_a_drive_when_hes_stopped_by/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A chef walks into a bar"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "...should’ve ducked..."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/gl46c2/a_chef_walks_into_a_bar/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Plungers are like back-ups.\nAlways make sure you have one, not that you need one"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My wife asked me \"Why did you buy a plunger\". My answer was \"You buy a plunger before you need a plunger\"."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/3xveth/plungers_are_like_backups/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The person who proof read Hitler's speeches, was the original grammar Nazi."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "/r/unnecessarycommas"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/cdxpvg/the_person_who_proof_read_hitlers_speeches_was/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I've started telling people about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "So what's the currant situation?"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/cc6hpr/ive_started_telling_people_about_the_benefits_of/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What did the anarcho-socialist incel do on his first date?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "complain about how the server has to survive off tips because of capitalism then tips 10%"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/jf7e35/what_did_the_anarchosocialist_incel_do_on_his/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I'm pretty sure they have CPAP machines you can plug into the cigarette lighter, problem solved"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/witiqz/apparently_i_snore_so_loudly_that_it_scares/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "\"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I have a conscience as clear as butter. And no memory. And a conscience as clear as butter."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/ou7p2v/a_clear_conscience_is_usually_the_sign_of_a_bad/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What's 4 feet tall, 3 feet wide, and only wears clothes on its head?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "My dick"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/gli907/whats_4_feet_tall_3_feet_wide_and_only_wears/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "[You literally posted exactly the same joke 8 months ago.](https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/8vy74g/justice_is_a_dish_best_served_cold_because_if_it/)"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/b3mrem/justice_is_a_dish_best_served_cold_because_if_it/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I am not sexist but.."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "… at least I'm trying."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/knnnsb/i_am_not_sexist_but/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The secret to a great Hawaiian pizza is to cook it at aloha temperature."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I don’t know did you try blowing some kerosene on an open flame?"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/brnrmf/the_secret_to_a_great_hawaiian_pizza_is_to_cook/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You gotta be gay to talk to women. And you gotta be straight to..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "have sex with them."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/t1il7d/you_gotta_be_gay_to_talk_to_women_and_you_gotta/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What was so wrong with USA that they had to go and make USB?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Cause the USA is controlled by the USD and you never want to be a slave to the D"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/ruz8wl/what_was_so_wrong_with_usa_that_they_had_to_go/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Indian food has entered the chaat."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "dosa this mean we have to start talking in hindi"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/pvlrln/indian_food_has_entered_the_chaat/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When life gives you shit"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Eat it."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/nokofo/when_life_gives_you_shit/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If you die and get cremated you can be put into an hour glass and still be included in family game night."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is hilarious for people who haven't actually seen the consistency of cremains and know it wouldn't work."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/n28yqp/if_you_die_and_get_cremated_you_can_be_put_into/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger, and then it hit me."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/dobd9s/i_was_wondering_why_the_ball_kept_getting_bigger/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "There are two kinds of people - those who realize they've been given an incomplete set of data."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well done sir"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/bresry/there_are_two_kinds_of_people_those_who_realize/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Why is doggystyle illegal in Alabama?\nYou can't turn your back on family."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Did someone say family?"
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1168xo1/why_is_doggystyle_illegal_in_alabama/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "An expensive lawyer and a cheap lawyer walk into a bar..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "More Justice served to the experienced at the table."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/igspjv/an_expensive_lawyer_and_a_cheap_lawyer_walk_into/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My 70+ year old uncle sent this joke to me.\nWhat do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nPUMPKIN PI"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You should send it back."
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/a7idt/my_70_year_old_uncle_sent_this_joke_to_me/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Two clowns are eating a cannibal, when one turns to the other and says, \"I think we're doing this joke wrong\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A couple of muffins are in the oven, one looks over to the other and says, \"is it getting hot in here?\" The other responds, \"HOLY SHIT, ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!!\""
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/6zfhzg/two_clowns_are_eating_a_cannibal_when_one_turns/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I know everything there is to know about the Dunning-Kruger effect"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Underrated joke"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/hz4208/i_know_everything_there_is_to_know_about_the/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Girl you're not a can of beans but..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I wanna open you up and eat your insides"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/o682ei/girl_youre_not_a_can_of_beans_but/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The United States is an Obamanation"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "-Kanye West"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/4415sr/the_united_states_is_an_obamanation/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who's that motherfucker who said we need a Chernobyl season 2?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A series about the Wuhan cover-up would be pretty good though."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/fkop5l/whos_that_motherfucker_who_said_we_need_a/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My friend has ADHD and drives a Ford Focus.\nI told him that's hilarious."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is from the Zak Galifianakis Netflix sponsored standup movie! THIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\nGood movie though right?"
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/e68hg/my_friend_has_adhd_and_drives_a_ford_focus/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My friend suffers from migraines but I think it’s just all in her head."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "sounds like she needs john redcorn"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/a4s9e8/my_friend_suffers_from_migraines_but_i_think_its/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Groucho Marx quote!"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/jbjitl/time_flies_like_an_arrow_fruit_flies_like_a_banana/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Turns out midgets and dwarves have little in common."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "This is a really low joke.\n\nWhy do you got to stoop down to that level?"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/10vh6o8/turns_out_midgets_and_dwarves_have_little_in/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "As the Skelton crept up behind him it....."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "...slipped him the bone."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/j8101j/as_the_skelton_crept_up_behind_him_it/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I asked what 100 minus 12 was and someone yelled \"idiot\" at me - how rude!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I guess that goes to show that there are 3 kinds of people in this world - those that can count and those who can't."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/722fey/i_asked_what_100_minus_12_was_and_someone_yelled/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hey girl are you a rod of uranium?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "'Cause when I get near you I grow a third leg"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/nz03qt/hey_girl_are_you_a_rod_of_uranium/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I dunno what this WiFi dude did but I’ve seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom lately."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Took me a minute 😂"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/uq3luy/i_dunno_what_this_wifi_dude_did_but_ive_seen_a/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "How do you find Will Smith in the snow?\nYou look for the fresh prints."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I expected a racist joke. You got me there."
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/9rv3x2/how_do_you_find_will_smith_in_the_snow/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "50% Off Karl Marx Dolls Today Only!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That was super clever of JP's daughter, huh? So funny."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/sdxrba/50_off_karl_marx_dolls_today_only/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I went to a fat psychic once, or as I like to say, a 4 chin teller."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Hear about the fortune teller that died in the fiery bus crash? The driver was on drugs.\n\nMedium fries with a side of coke. News at 11."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/qikrzd/i_went_to_a_fat_psychic_once_or_as_i_like_to_say/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My friend told me that he can sleep while standing, but I know he's been lying."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I love this."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/d92rsp/my_friend_told_me_that_he_can_sleep_while/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "If I had a dollar for every time I heard this I'd buy the rights to it and sue anyone who said it."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/3s56qs/if_i_had_a_dollar_for_every_girl_that_found_me/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good thing they come with a lifetime warranty."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/776baz/just_because_nobody_complains_doesnt_mean_all/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "“You are the bomb” is a compliment in the USA, and an argument in the Middle East’s"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "*Middle East"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/zocxvp/you_are_the_bomb_is_a_compliment_in_the_usa_and/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Girl, you remind me of the followthepunchline lounge"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "You seem attractive, by it only takes a minute to realise your collection of crazy ramblings makes me wish to leave"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/l15pep/girl_you_remind_me_of_the_followthepunchline/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I made some fish tacos last night but, I think they prefer their regular food."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Maybe it was just the way you served it."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/11tfneq/i_made_some_fish_tacos_last_night_but_i_think/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Two termites walk into a bar, and one asks, \"Is the bar tender here?\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "OH, I get it! Because the termites are so short that they wouldn't be able to see the bar tender past the bar!"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/1143jz0/two_termites_walk_into_a_bar_and_one_asks_is_the/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A genie once asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory, but I forgot my response..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I was going to post a joke about my penis, but it’s too long."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/oikn7h/a_genie_once_asked_me_if_i_wanted_a_long_penis_or/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "300 africans walked into a bar..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "and 301 Africans came out"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/mgizqx/300_africans_walked_into_a_bar/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I should do something about this splinter, but maybe I'll just wait to see if it gets out of hand."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "sorry to hear it. splinters get under my skin"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/os895p/i_should_do_something_about_this_splinter_but/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Chairs > hats"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Because they're made to put assholes on, hats are put on assholes ."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/gq4658/chairs_hats/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Thanos walks into a strip club...\nHe says"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "\"ah yes, all the girls here are half off.\""
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/hxfawo/thanos_walks_into_a_strip_club/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is my step ladder...I...I...I never knew my real ladder."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "....my step ladder raised me."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/85qjou/this_is_my_step_ladderiii_never_knew_my_real/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island...\nBut it turned out to be an optical Aleutian."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, what do Juneau, that joke wasn't half bad."
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/bdrcn/i_thought_i_saw_an_eye_doctor_on_an_alaskan_island/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "#***HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!***"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/728g3c/my_girlfriend_and_i_often_laugh_about_how/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Disney will be coming out with a new film about a Transgender Whale and it's going to be called \"Maybe Dick\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Being hunted by Captain Abhadadick"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/zeh6bl/disney_will_be_coming_out_with_a_new_film_about_a/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Walking down the road I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, a lemon cheesecake and thought to myself, “The streets are strangely desserted tonight!”"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I walked down the same street and thought, \"Sweet!\""
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/128hrnn/walking_down_the_road_i_passed_an_apple_pie_an/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "This is both a water park and a bathroom..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The clue was on the sign, “#1 Water Park”"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/rn6ds7/this_is_both_a_water_park_and_a_bathroom/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It takes balls to have a vasectomy"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "A cut a̶b̶o̶v̶e̶ below the rest."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/a5o87t/it_takes_balls_to_have_a_vasectomy/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Never bring a pun to a knife fight!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Well, you took a stab at it."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/lwl69n/never_bring_a_pun_to_a_knife_fight/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Did I tell you about that one time my dyslexia really got me into trouble?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Lets just say the speed limit was not 07 and I never saw any spots."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/n906rn/did_i_tell_you_about_that_one_time_my_dyslexia/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "9 year-old daughter's 'compliment'?\nMy 9 yo daughter was staring at me quietly, I noticed out of the corner of my eye. When I looked up at her she gently said \"your lips look like deer meat\". (She said it was a compliment.)"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Run"
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/ywv8rs/9_yearold_daughters_compliment/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Good one here"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think that was you"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/af35tb/people_are_usually_shocked_when_they_find_out_im/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It's kind of disgraceful that even after 50 years many people have no idea who Neil Armstrong was, let alone what kind of trumpet he played."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "His names Lance you big goof"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/vt63c2/its_kind_of_disgraceful_that_even_after_50_years/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Where do sunni muslims go when it rains?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "They seek umbr-Allah"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/z1r1el/where_do_sunni_muslims_go_when_it_rains/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Good one, Steven Wright"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/7h9cza/you_dont_need_a_parachute_to_go_skydiving_you/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A billionaire once told me, buy a whiteboard, there remarkable"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The real joke here is the misuse of “they’re”."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/r4q6hq/a_billionaire_once_told_me_buy_a_whiteboard_there/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A baby seal walks into a club"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "DON'T PUT THE FREAKING PUNCHLINE IN THE FREAKING TITLE!!!\n\nheh."
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/eknvj/a_baby_seal_walks_into_a_club/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "In America, police dogs are K9. In Korea, they are E10."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Here's a fix for your joke to make it one line:\n\nIn America, police dogs are K9, whereas in Korea, they are E10."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/hv4ppe/in_america_police_dogs_are_k9_in_korea_they_are/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I hate it when I'm texting, I get rudely interrupted by a cyclist bouncing off my windscreen."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Lol people who text and drive would have this mentality unironically"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/iyumeu/i_hate_it_when_im_texting_i_get_rudely/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "If you think the average American is dumb, realize that half of the country is even dumber than that"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I think that's a George Carlin line."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/12vjc4f/if_you_think_the_average_american_is_dumb_realize/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy…"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/14slajs/id_rather_have_a_bottle_in_front_of_me_than_a/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "“I tip my hat to you, one asshole to another.”"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Man, Stalin and Hitler really had a falling out"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/itrvau/i_tip_my_hat_to_you_one_asshole_to_another/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I only trust people who like big butts, because they cannot lie."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Correlation is not causation."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/ueadjg/i_only_trust_people_who_like_big_butts_because/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "It violates causality.\nHave you heard the joke about the tachyon?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "**DON'T PUT THE FREAKING PUNCHLINE-** ...Oh, I get it."
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/c9lcm/it_violates_causality/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Poop jokes are the lowest form of comedy."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "The very bottom."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/m4n8gu/poop_jokes_are_the_lowest_form_of_comedy/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "\"If I eat now, I won't be hungry later\" seems more like a solution than a problem."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Posting a shower thought to r/oneliners seems more like a post that should be on r/showerthoughts"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/xlj4j5/if_i_eat_now_i_wont_be_hungry_later_seems_more/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I knew I shouldn’t have booked a Turkish clown"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "He just won't give my nose back"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/x54le6/i_knew_i_shouldnt_have_booked_a_turkish_clown/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I do public relations work for a company that sells bicycle wheels. I'm also their spokes person."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "that's two lines"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/epyzf6/i_do_public_relations_work_for_a_company_that/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My favorite teacher at school was Ms. Turtle, a strange name, but she tortoise well."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I heard she taught the slow kids."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/119a2ef/my_favorite_teacher_at_school_was_ms_turtle_a/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The only time the word \"incorrectly\" isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "stop being so right it's wrong and take my goddamn orange arrow"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/ejolcb/the_only_time_the_word_incorrectly_isnt_spelled/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "that is a funny, but very old joke."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/8702s1/a_skeleton_walks_into_a_bar_and_orders_a_beer_and/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "What movie would have the best title / tag line if you changed one word with tits ?\nI thought that Bruce Lee's Tits of Fury would be in the top 10.\n\nWhat's yours ?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "~~Jaws~~ *Tits*"
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/wocgdt/what_movie_would_have_the_best_title_tag_line_if/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Who decided to call it \"marijuana possession\" and not \"joint custody?\""
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Ha. Haha. Ha."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/73ji2f/who_decided_to_call_it_marijuana_possession_and/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Crap. Did anyone remember to wake up Green Day?\nNow hum it."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Really old joke and actually kinda mean because the song is about his dead father."
}
] |
funny
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/55cz2z/crap_did_anyone_remember_to_wake_up_green_day/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Muffins spelled backwards is exactly what you do when you take them out of the oven."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "‘Poop time’ backwards is exactly what you do with it"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/yros0e/muffins_spelled_backwards_is_exactly_what_you_do/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Did you know that if you took all the veins from a person's entire circulatory system and laid them out in one straight line, that person would die?"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Are you subscribed to r/technicallythetruth"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/ahvyxn/did_you_know_that_if_you_took_all_the_veins_from/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "My wife and I used to play catch with our son when he was a baby and when he got older we bought a football."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I used to wash my car with my kids when they were little. But they won't let me pick them up now that they're teenagers, so now I just use a sponge."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/11b9reg/my_wife_and_i_used_to_play_catch_with_our_son/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "When my father asked me to get an organ donor card, I realised that he was a man after my own heart."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Takes guts to be an organ donor"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/ndks7q/when_my_father_asked_me_to_get_an_organ_donor/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "HOW MANY EXCLAMATION MARKS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB!!!!!!!!!"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Not the brightest, are you?"
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/le61kd/how_many_exclamation_marks_does_it_take_to_change/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I used to be good a telling jokes, but now I just punch up the fuck line."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "At least credit the [original commenter](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/a26y06/whats_a_joke_thats_so_stupid_its_funny/eaw64lp?utm_source=reddit-android) from AskReddit. Sigh!"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/a2asvw/i_used_to_be_good_a_telling_jokes_but_now_i_just/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds really fun if you don't know what either of those two things are"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Sounds as good as hog roasting at the Bay of Pigs"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/ajz25g/waterboarding_at_guantanamo_bay_sounds_really_fun/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The Lego stores have finally reopened and people are lined up for blocks."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "I opened this, expecting yet another Covid post... Then I saw the sub.\n\nYou got me."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/gss6fg/the_lego_stores_have_finally_reopened_and_people/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "It’s all fun & games ‘til someone has a heart attack."
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/841kdp/the_worst_time_to_have_a_heart_attack_is_during_a/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "With great power comes great electricity bills."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "Finally an actual one liner"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/55ge69/with_great_power_comes_great_electricity_bills/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "I got in touch with my inner self today. That's the last time I'm buying 1-ply toilet paper"
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "That is 2 lines though"
}
] |
oneliners
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/oneliners/comments/999661/i_got_in_touch_with_my_inner_self_today_thats_the/
|
[
{
"from": "human",
"value": "Hard to drag my sorry ass out the door on a Friday morning but I know that at the end of the day..."
},
{
"from": "gpt",
"value": "comes night."
}
] |
FollowThePunchline
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/FollowThePunchline/comments/hx0io3/hard_to_drag_my_sorry_ass_out_the_door_on_a/
|
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