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POST: all because it was about to fall down and it was full of holes. In the front we have no fence enclosing the property. However there is a 4 ft wrought iron fence that extends from our front stoop to the sidewalk, it does not connect to anything else and is well within our property by about 18" (we have a property survey that is on file with the city and show the fence inside of our lines). Our plan is to remove this old fence and enclose our property with a new 4 ft fence that is a different style. The city didn't even require a permit to remove it because it doesn't enclose anything. We informed our neighbor that we were doing this and she told us that the fence has been there for 40 years (since before she moved in about 30 years ago) and she doesn't want us to remove it. We showed her the property line survey which shows it on our land and claimed she has squatters rights to it since it's been there so long. She demands that if we take it out we have to pay to replace it next to our new fence. We are already paying for the back fence, we can't afford to move this old fence over 4" (still on our property). She has said she'll take us to court, not sure if she'll follow through, but also from what I can research her case seems pretty flimsy. Can we just remove it and wait to see what she does?
RESPONSE A: If she can't afford to pay for her part of the fence, how is she going to pay a lawyer to take you to court?
RESPONSE B: You can remove your fence with no problem, and from what you've said it seems like you'd easily win a court case regarding the property line. However, you should see whether you can force her to pay for the fence (or for half of it) since she doesn't want to, she can just say she doesn't want a fence there in the first place in which case you'd have to choose between being fenceless or keeping the fence that's inside your property. I'm not a lawyer btw, but this might be the decision you would have to make
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My Ex Has Ignored us for 10 years, now She wants to give me money, what do? My ex has given me no child support for 10 years. I moved my daughter and myself to a different state 4 years ago and have not gone after her for money in any way to avoid putting us through legal hell across states. She recently contacted my daughter again and the two have been talking on and off. That's fine with me it's relatively harmless and my kid is pretty smart she won't fall for any bullshit her mother tells her. Today her mom texts me out of the blue and says she wants to send me money. "I can't repay you for everything but I want to try." If I accept this money, what are the legal ramifications? Does it count as child support? If I tell her I don't want her money (what I want to do) does that count as legally exonerating her of child support obligation? Can't find anything on this specific situation I doubt it happens much. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
RESPONSE A: You do not have the legal ability to relieve her of her child support obligations.
RESPONSE B: People who can answer this question: family law attorneys in your state. People who cannot: anyone else. Source: I am a family law attorney and it is a very fact-specific field and the law changes drastically by state. Yes, even compared to many other areas of law.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My Ex Has Ignored us for 10 years, now She wants to give me money, what do? My ex has given me no child support for 10 years. I moved my daughter and myself to a different state 4 years ago and have not gone after her for money in any way to avoid putting us through legal hell across states. She recently contacted my daughter again and the two have been talking on and off. That's fine with me it's relatively harmless and my kid is pretty smart she won't fall for any bullshit her mother tells her. Today her mom texts me out of the blue and says she wants to send me money. "I can't repay you for everything but I want to try." If I accept this money, what are the legal ramifications? Does it count as child support? If I tell her I don't want her money (what I want to do) does that count as legally exonerating her of child support obligation? Can't find anything on this specific situation I doubt it happens much. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
RESPONSE A: >If I tell her I don't want her money (what I want to do) does that count as legally exonerating her of child support obligation? No. You can still go to court and request support. There is a calculator each state has that will determine what she owes.
RESPONSE B: People who can answer this question: family law attorneys in your state. People who cannot: anyone else. Source: I am a family law attorney and it is a very fact-specific field and the law changes drastically by state. Yes, even compared to many other areas of law.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My Ex Has Ignored us for 10 years, now She wants to give me money, what do? My ex has given me no child support for 10 years. I moved my daughter and myself to a different state 4 years ago and have not gone after her for money in any way to avoid putting us through legal hell across states. She recently contacted my daughter again and the two have been talking on and off. That's fine with me it's relatively harmless and my kid is pretty smart she won't fall for any bullshit her mother tells her. Today her mom texts me out of the blue and says she wants to send me money. "I can't repay you for everything but I want to try." If I accept this money, what are the legal ramifications? Does it count as child support? If I tell her I don't want her money (what I want to do) does that count as legally exonerating her of child support obligation? Can't find anything on this specific situation I doubt it happens much. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
RESPONSE A: Actually paying CS does not give her rights to see the children. She can still take you to court for that anyway at any time. If you could use it then take it and help make a better life for the kids, if you don't really need it put it in a fund for them for later in life like school etc.
RESPONSE B: >If I tell her I don't want her money (what I want to do) does that count as legally exonerating her of child support obligation? No. You can still go to court and request support. There is a calculator each state has that will determine what she owes.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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POST: [Update] My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. A number of people told me to give an update, so here it is. I gave her written notice last night like everyone suggested and then left her alone. I talked to her mother and told her what happened. She called me this morning and said she was coming over. She walked in and started packing her stuff pretty much straight away. The whole time my ex was literally just crying and stomping around like a child. I have never seen her look that defeated before. After everything that's happened I thought it would be satisfying to see her like that but it was actually really sad. After grabbing some of her stuff, her mom dragged her out the door and that was it. Ten minutes, in and out. Fairly anticlimactic really. I assume that she will come by another time to get the rest of her stuff. I've always really liked her mom. She's a no-nonsense type of woman. Her mom apologized on her behalf, but I still haven't received any sort of heartfelt apology from her unfortunately. I am glad that she's gone, but it's pretty sad that I'm going to have to spend Christmas alone. I think the eviction notice was the main reason her mother came over, so Thanks /r/legaladvice!
RESPONSE A: This is what bars are for. As a Scotsman, I give you formal permission to be hammered before 11am tomorrow. In all seriousness, thank you for the update. It's a shitty situation to be in, and there are no great outcomes, but this at least is one there'll be no major issues from. (touch wood)
RESPONSE B: I'm glad you got her out. You've got no friends or family to spend Christmas with?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: [Update] My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. A number of people told me to give an update, so here it is. I gave her written notice last night like everyone suggested and then left her alone. I talked to her mother and told her what happened. She called me this morning and said she was coming over. She walked in and started packing her stuff pretty much straight away. The whole time my ex was literally just crying and stomping around like a child. I have never seen her look that defeated before. After everything that's happened I thought it would be satisfying to see her like that but it was actually really sad. After grabbing some of her stuff, her mom dragged her out the door and that was it. Ten minutes, in and out. Fairly anticlimactic really. I assume that she will come by another time to get the rest of her stuff. I've always really liked her mom. She's a no-nonsense type of woman. Her mom apologized on her behalf, but I still haven't received any sort of heartfelt apology from her unfortunately. I am glad that she's gone, but it's pretty sad that I'm going to have to spend Christmas alone. I think the eviction notice was the main reason her mother came over, so Thanks /r/legaladvice!
RESPONSE A: I'm glad you got her out. You've got no friends or family to spend Christmas with?
RESPONSE B: Glad her mother is an adult. If you're alone for christmas you might want to consider calling around to some soup kitchens/shelters or hospitals to see if they need volunteers or visitors. Before you go out and get hammered of course.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: [Update] My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. A number of people told me to give an update, so here it is. I gave her written notice last night like everyone suggested and then left her alone. I talked to her mother and told her what happened. She called me this morning and said she was coming over. She walked in and started packing her stuff pretty much straight away. The whole time my ex was literally just crying and stomping around like a child. I have never seen her look that defeated before. After everything that's happened I thought it would be satisfying to see her like that but it was actually really sad. After grabbing some of her stuff, her mom dragged her out the door and that was it. Ten minutes, in and out. Fairly anticlimactic really. I assume that she will come by another time to get the rest of her stuff. I've always really liked her mom. She's a no-nonsense type of woman. Her mom apologized on her behalf, but I still haven't received any sort of heartfelt apology from her unfortunately. I am glad that she's gone, but it's pretty sad that I'm going to have to spend Christmas alone. I think the eviction notice was the main reason her mother came over, so Thanks /r/legaladvice!
RESPONSE A: I wouldn't give her an excuse to come back. If you are on good terms with the parents, pack up all the stuff and ask them when you can drop of her stuff when she isn't there. Don't give her a chance to come back. If she moved out, which is sounds like, you can also change the locks, I believe.
RESPONSE B: Glad her mother is an adult. If you're alone for christmas you might want to consider calling around to some soup kitchens/shelters or hospitals to see if they need volunteers or visitors. Before you go out and get hammered of course.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: [Update] My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. A number of people told me to give an update, so here it is. I gave her written notice last night like everyone suggested and then left her alone. I talked to her mother and told her what happened. She called me this morning and said she was coming over. She walked in and started packing her stuff pretty much straight away. The whole time my ex was literally just crying and stomping around like a child. I have never seen her look that defeated before. After everything that's happened I thought it would be satisfying to see her like that but it was actually really sad. After grabbing some of her stuff, her mom dragged her out the door and that was it. Ten minutes, in and out. Fairly anticlimactic really. I assume that she will come by another time to get the rest of her stuff. I've always really liked her mom. She's a no-nonsense type of woman. Her mom apologized on her behalf, but I still haven't received any sort of heartfelt apology from her unfortunately. I am glad that she's gone, but it's pretty sad that I'm going to have to spend Christmas alone. I think the eviction notice was the main reason her mother came over, so Thanks /r/legaladvice!
RESPONSE A: Link to first post: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3xyrvz/my_girlfriend_cheated_on_me_but_is_now_refusing/
RESPONSE B: I'm glad you got her out. You've got no friends or family to spend Christmas with?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: [Update] My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. A number of people told me to give an update, so here it is. I gave her written notice last night like everyone suggested and then left her alone. I talked to her mother and told her what happened. She called me this morning and said she was coming over. She walked in and started packing her stuff pretty much straight away. The whole time my ex was literally just crying and stomping around like a child. I have never seen her look that defeated before. After everything that's happened I thought it would be satisfying to see her like that but it was actually really sad. After grabbing some of her stuff, her mom dragged her out the door and that was it. Ten minutes, in and out. Fairly anticlimactic really. I assume that she will come by another time to get the rest of her stuff. I've always really liked her mom. She's a no-nonsense type of woman. Her mom apologized on her behalf, but I still haven't received any sort of heartfelt apology from her unfortunately. I am glad that she's gone, but it's pretty sad that I'm going to have to spend Christmas alone. I think the eviction notice was the main reason her mother came over, so Thanks /r/legaladvice!
RESPONSE A: If you haven't already done so, please change the locks ASAP.
RESPONSE B: Link to first post: https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/3xyrvz/my_girlfriend_cheated_on_me_but_is_now_refusing/
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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POST: My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. I found out that she cheated on me yesterday. She was my first kiss, sex and relationship so it's crushing. I asked her to leave but she refused and eventually I just locked myself in my study and went to sleep. She lives with me and is dependent upon me. I just got home from work and she's still here. She's convinced that we can work it out. I want absolutely nothing to do with her. I don't want to put my hands on her in any way because I don't want to be accused of assault or anything like that. She only moved in two weeks ago from her parents place. I don't know what to do. Can the police legally remove her? MA
RESPONSE A: Does she have a lease? She just moved in with you two weeks ago? You can try calling the non-emergency line and asking if the police will remove her, but I think there's a good chance they won't since she moved in with you and it will be a "civil" matter. You will have to follow the normal procedures in your state to evict someone. Absolutely under no circumstances should you remove her with force. If things become heated, leave, and call the police right away.
RESPONSE B: Do you have her parents phone number? Maybe call them and explain what she did and that you're going to have to involve the police unless she moves out? They may help persuade her to leave?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. I found out that she cheated on me yesterday. She was my first kiss, sex and relationship so it's crushing. I asked her to leave but she refused and eventually I just locked myself in my study and went to sleep. She lives with me and is dependent upon me. I just got home from work and she's still here. She's convinced that we can work it out. I want absolutely nothing to do with her. I don't want to put my hands on her in any way because I don't want to be accused of assault or anything like that. She only moved in two weeks ago from her parents place. I don't know what to do. Can the police legally remove her? MA
RESPONSE A: Do you have her parents phone number? Maybe call them and explain what she did and that you're going to have to involve the police unless she moves out? They may help persuade her to leave?
RESPONSE B: A lot of people here are saying to evict her or to contact a lawyer... I was in a similar situation a few years ago and I paid my ex $300 to leave that Friday (I think I gave her like 4 days?). Was nice to be rid of her and the headache. Try to offer her money to make her go away - it may work easier than other things posted here.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. I found out that she cheated on me yesterday. She was my first kiss, sex and relationship so it's crushing. I asked her to leave but she refused and eventually I just locked myself in my study and went to sleep. She lives with me and is dependent upon me. I just got home from work and she's still here. She's convinced that we can work it out. I want absolutely nothing to do with her. I don't want to put my hands on her in any way because I don't want to be accused of assault or anything like that. She only moved in two weeks ago from her parents place. I don't know what to do. Can the police legally remove her? MA
RESPONSE A: Do you have her parents phone number? Maybe call them and explain what she did and that you're going to have to involve the police unless she moves out? They may help persuade her to leave?
RESPONSE B: Serve your ex-gf with a notice to quit and give her 30 days to move. Here is an example of a form you can use: http://www.bostonapartments.com/rentips-noticetoquit.htm However, in MA you have to allow the non-lease tenant at least one full rental period. For example, if your ex-gf pays rent monthly and you serve her a 30-day notice to quit now, you have to give her until 31 January to move. If by the end of the notice period she doesn't move, go to your local courthouse and start eviction proceedings.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. I found out that she cheated on me yesterday. She was my first kiss, sex and relationship so it's crushing. I asked her to leave but she refused and eventually I just locked myself in my study and went to sleep. She lives with me and is dependent upon me. I just got home from work and she's still here. She's convinced that we can work it out. I want absolutely nothing to do with her. I don't want to put my hands on her in any way because I don't want to be accused of assault or anything like that. She only moved in two weeks ago from her parents place. I don't know what to do. Can the police legally remove her? MA
RESPONSE A: If you can't convince her to leave on her own you have to go through the required eviction process.
RESPONSE B: Do you have her parents phone number? Maybe call them and explain what she did and that you're going to have to involve the police unless she moves out? They may help persuade her to leave?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My girlfriend cheated on me but is now refusing to leave my apartment. I found out that she cheated on me yesterday. She was my first kiss, sex and relationship so it's crushing. I asked her to leave but she refused and eventually I just locked myself in my study and went to sleep. She lives with me and is dependent upon me. I just got home from work and she's still here. She's convinced that we can work it out. I want absolutely nothing to do with her. I don't want to put my hands on her in any way because I don't want to be accused of assault or anything like that. She only moved in two weeks ago from her parents place. I don't know what to do. Can the police legally remove her? MA
RESPONSE A: Does she have a lease? She just moved in with you two weeks ago? You can try calling the non-emergency line and asking if the police will remove her, but I think there's a good chance they won't since she moved in with you and it will be a "civil" matter. You will have to follow the normal procedures in your state to evict someone. Absolutely under no circumstances should you remove her with force. If things become heated, leave, and call the police right away.
RESPONSE B: If you can't convince her to leave on her own you have to go through the required eviction process.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: [MA] Girlfriend's Ex claimed her as a dependent on his taxes after they broke up and she moved out of state, now IRS is after her for >10k My girlfriend told me tonight that her Ex she broke up with years ago has been claiming her as a dependent on his taxes (at least until 2017). The IRS is now after her for over 10k in owed taxes and told her she could fight it and to contact a lawyer. She says she contacted multiple lawyers and they all told her it would be cheaper to just pay than fight it. She's been paying it back for months and just told me. Is there any recourse here? If he's been claiming her shouldn't HE owe these taxes?
RESPONSE A: Has your GF been filing taxes?
RESPONSE B: He should owe the taxes and she probably got crappy advice from a collection agent that works for the IRS. I would call them up and get in touch with their fraud department and let them know that he was illegally claiming her as a dependent and that he shouldn't have been joint filing or using any of her personal information.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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POST: freak” when I do actually have autism. I have tried to let her know I do not want to be in a relationship with her anymore and she should leave but she doesn’t listen and refuses to leave saying I will have to shoot her to her to leave. She also says she has nowhere to go as her family won’t let her stay with them most likely due to how psychotic she is and she doesn’t have a job to pay rent. TL;DR: How can I evict my girlfriend who doesn’t pay any expenses outside of food and her own personal items from my house that I only own? Additional info: I live in Iowa We do not have any children, just 3 cats
RESPONSE A: She's your tenant and you're her landlord. Yes, without anything in writing or her paying. You have to give her 30-day written "notice to vacate" specifying exactly when her tenancy terminates, so give it today and say 9/28 @ midnight. Be sure to be able to prove in court you gave that notice, if it comes to that. If she's not out by the date, then you take her to court to evict. A sheriff with a court order will come to remove her. However, if she's violent, call the police. Get a restraining order and don't mess that up again. She'll have to leave, presumably. (Is the old one still active?) Then you can go through the termination process in safety. Her not having anywhere to go is her problem. And that's why the law requires the 30-day notice, to give someone time to figure that out.
RESPONSE B: Hi there! I’m the LegalFAQ bot. It looks like you may be experiencing housing issues related to housing or eviction. Come to https://legalfaq.org to find legal resources for renters in each state. You can also find links to local groups that can help you with legal, financial, or other problems at https://legalfaq.org/getHelp. Help us provide accurate advice to fellow redditors: if your post was related to housing or eviction, please like this comment; otherwise, please dislike this comment. *v0.1*
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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POST: How do I (25 M) evict my girlfriend (24 F)? I moved into a house about a year ago, I own it and only my name is on the mortgage and I pay for all utilities and home related costs outside of some food and decorations/furniture. My girlfriend moved in with me immediately and has stayed since outside of an instance where she assaulted me and had a protection order placed for almost a month where she stayed at her own place until I took her back. Things have not gotten better as my girlfriend has been violent with me multiple times, twice the last two days even where she has struck me multiple times and has emotionally abused me by calling me an “autistic freak” when I do actually have autism. I have tried to let her know I do not want to be in a relationship with her anymore and she should leave but she doesn’t listen and refuses to leave saying I will have to shoot her to her to leave. She also says she has nowhere to go as her family won’t let her stay with them most likely due to how psychotic she is and she doesn’t have a job to pay rent. TL;DR: How can I evict my girlfriend who doesn’t pay any expenses outside of food and her own personal items from my house that I only own? Additional info: I live in Iowa We do not have any children, just 3 cats
RESPONSE A: call the police immediately after she hits you. get another protection order, and then start the eviction process immediately after the PO goes into effect
RESPONSE B: Please contact a local domestic violence agency. They can help you navigate this process.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: How do I (25 M) evict my girlfriend (24 F)? I moved into a house about a year ago, I own it and only my name is on the mortgage and I pay for all utilities and home related costs outside of some food and decorations/furniture. My girlfriend moved in with me immediately and has stayed since outside of an instance where she assaulted me and had a protection order placed for almost a month where she stayed at her own place until I took her back. Things have not gotten better as my girlfriend has been violent with me multiple times, twice the last two days even where she has struck me multiple times and has emotionally abused me by calling me an “autistic freak” when I do actually have autism. I have tried to let her know I do not want to be in a relationship with her anymore and she should leave but she doesn’t listen and refuses to leave saying I will have to shoot her to her to leave. She also says she has nowhere to go as her family won’t let her stay with them most likely due to how psychotic she is and she doesn’t have a job to pay rent. TL;DR: How can I evict my girlfriend who doesn’t pay any expenses outside of food and her own personal items from my house that I only own? Additional info: I live in Iowa We do not have any children, just 3 cats
RESPONSE A: Restraining order seems like a good start
RESPONSE B: call the police immediately after she hits you. get another protection order, and then start the eviction process immediately after the PO goes into effect
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: How do I (25 M) evict my girlfriend (24 F)? I moved into a house about a year ago, I own it and only my name is on the mortgage and I pay for all utilities and home related costs outside of some food and decorations/furniture. My girlfriend moved in with me immediately and has stayed since outside of an instance where she assaulted me and had a protection order placed for almost a month where she stayed at her own place until I took her back. Things have not gotten better as my girlfriend has been violent with me multiple times, twice the last two days even where she has struck me multiple times and has emotionally abused me by calling me an “autistic freak” when I do actually have autism. I have tried to let her know I do not want to be in a relationship with her anymore and she should leave but she doesn’t listen and refuses to leave saying I will have to shoot her to her to leave. She also says she has nowhere to go as her family won’t let her stay with them most likely due to how psychotic she is and she doesn’t have a job to pay rent. TL;DR: How can I evict my girlfriend who doesn’t pay any expenses outside of food and her own personal items from my house that I only own? Additional info: I live in Iowa We do not have any children, just 3 cats
RESPONSE A: A restraining order. That’s basically the only way unless you want to legal evict her.
RESPONSE B: call the police immediately after she hits you. get another protection order, and then start the eviction process immediately after the PO goes into effect
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: How do I (25 M) evict my girlfriend (24 F)? I moved into a house about a year ago, I own it and only my name is on the mortgage and I pay for all utilities and home related costs outside of some food and decorations/furniture. My girlfriend moved in with me immediately and has stayed since outside of an instance where she assaulted me and had a protection order placed for almost a month where she stayed at her own place until I took her back. Things have not gotten better as my girlfriend has been violent with me multiple times, twice the last two days even where she has struck me multiple times and has emotionally abused me by calling me an “autistic freak” when I do actually have autism. I have tried to let her know I do not want to be in a relationship with her anymore and she should leave but she doesn’t listen and refuses to leave saying I will have to shoot her to her to leave. She also says she has nowhere to go as her family won’t let her stay with them most likely due to how psychotic she is and she doesn’t have a job to pay rent. TL;DR: How can I evict my girlfriend who doesn’t pay any expenses outside of food and her own personal items from my house that I only own? Additional info: I live in Iowa We do not have any children, just 3 cats
RESPONSE A: call the police immediately after she hits you. get another protection order, and then start the eviction process immediately after the PO goes into effect
RESPONSE B: Hi there! I’m the LegalFAQ bot. It looks like you may be experiencing housing issues related to housing or eviction. Come to https://legalfaq.org to find legal resources for renters in each state. You can also find links to local groups that can help you with legal, financial, or other problems at https://legalfaq.org/getHelp. Help us provide accurate advice to fellow redditors: if your post was related to housing or eviction, please like this comment; otherwise, please dislike this comment. *v0.1*
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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POST: this past Friday afternoon at 4:15 pm. My wife was home, but they just stuck it in our door. I found it when I arrived home from work later that night. This has nothing to do with anything we have done or have not done. We are model tenants—quiet and clean and pay our rent on time every month. We have one cat, don’t throw parties, or play loud music, or have people over really ever. The reason for eviction cited on the notice is “Landlord plans to renovate unit.” Our lease says the landlord is an LLC. After some digging, we found our building is owned by an individual who is known for evicting tenants, “renovating” the units, then jacking up the rent. There is apparently nothing in NH law preventing him from doing this. The thing is, our unit was renovated before we moved in, and we’re only 5 months in to a 12-month lease. On top of this, my wife is almost 6 months pregnant so an eviction is literally the last thing we need, especially since we *finally* just finished fully unpacking everything and making it feel like home. We already plan on fighting this. We know we don’t actually have to leave until a judge rules in favor of the landlord. We’re just trying to look ahead and see if we have a leg to stand on—if a judge could potentially side with us in a state where these “renovictions” seem to be perfectly legal and common practice. Or if any of you fine people can point us in the direction of any resources or individuals that could help, it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
RESPONSE A: > The reason for eviction cited on the notice is “Landlord plans to renovate unit.” There is apparently nothing in NH law preventing him from doing this. Sure there is. Contract law. If you have a lease, they have to honor the lease for the full 12 months. So check your lease to make sure that this isn't allowed by your *lease* since that's all that matters.
RESPONSE B: Unless the lease states otherwise, you can not be told to vacate while you still have a valid lease agreement.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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POST: is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you?
RESPONSE A: Choking a child is child abuse. What is the context here? Does the parent intend to be joking around and the kid doesn’t like it or is the parent intending to hurt the kid?
RESPONSE B: If you feel very unsafe i would say it’s okay to fight back to ensure you are safe, your safety should be your top priority over other things. I hope you are okay? And yes this is child abuse!
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A
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POST: is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you?
RESPONSE A: If you're thinking about responding physically to this situation, you need to think long and hard about your safety. An adult choking you at 15 can *easily kill* you. It would be a much better decision to find some place safe, don't go back to the house, file a police report as soon as you can.
RESPONSE B: If you feel very unsafe i would say it’s okay to fight back to ensure you are safe, your safety should be your top priority over other things. I hope you are okay? And yes this is child abuse!
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you?
RESPONSE A: That's assault, possibly attempted murder, not just child abuse. You need to reach out to an adult you trust. Trusted teacher? Coach? Something like that?
RESPONSE B: If you feel very unsafe i would say it’s okay to fight back to ensure you are safe, your safety should be your top priority over other things. I hope you are okay? And yes this is child abuse!
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you?
RESPONSE A: It is 100% child abuse to choke your kid, doesn't matter what age. No it wouldn't be disrespectful, it'd be self defense and a natural reaction to being choked is to fight back. Are you alright? If you need someone to talk to I'm here.
RESPONSE B: If you feel very unsafe i would say it’s okay to fight back to ensure you are safe, your safety should be your top priority over other things. I hope you are okay? And yes this is child abuse!
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: is it child abuse to choke your kid? even if they are 15 or 16? and would it be disrespectful to fight back if your parent is trying to do that to you?
RESPONSE A: Absolutely. I’m a mandated reporter and would absolutely have to report this. You legally can use self defense. Do whatever you can that makes you feel less in danger. Please seek help from a child advocate, or someone at school, etc. This should never happen. Parents should face consequences for this. Even being threatened to be choked by a parent is something a mandated reporter would have to report because it’s illegal. Keep in mind that any of your school or therapeutic providers are probably mandated reporters, and so child services will get involved if you tell them. It doesn’t mean you’re going into foster care automatically, it just means your parents will be investigated.
RESPONSE B: Choking anyone in my state is a felony. A child would also be a child abuse. If someone is choking you in a domestic violence situation (ie partner or parent, etc) they are very likely to kill you in the future. Choking is a major escalation in the level of violence and control. You need to get medical help now! Choking can have serious medical consequences appear days after the incident.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
RESPONSE A: I don't want to sound dismissive, but you should find a way to make sure it wasn't just the guy's belt knot before ruining his life.
RESPONSE B: I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
RESPONSE A: In a contact sport, I would assume the instructor was wearing a protective cup, before I thought erection. And as others have said, what was the position of the belt knot? Be 100% sure of your facts, before you go ruining this guys life.
RESPONSE B: I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
RESPONSE A: I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info.
RESPONSE B: An armbar is an incredibly standard maneuver in which an arm may be pressed against a groin. Doing it for a prolonged period is standard in a demonstration. A belt knot, a protective groin guard can both feel like an erection. Happening to have an erection during a martial arts class is not a crime. You have very little case.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: 14-year-old son touched inappropriately at brazilian jiu jitsu class; not sure if it's a grey area. Please help. Tonight my 14-year-old son came back to the car shaken up. He had just finished his fifth session at a new BJJ gym where he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
RESPONSE A: An armbar is an incredibly standard maneuver in which an arm may be pressed against a groin. Doing it for a prolonged period is standard in a demonstration. A belt knot, a protective groin guard can both feel like an erection. Happening to have an erection during a martial arts class is not a crime. You have very little case.
RESPONSE B: As someone who takes jiu-jitsu it could've been a belt knot, cup, maybe a penis? Honestly it's a contact sport and shit is gonna happen. If something happens again that's not a coincidence.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: he's taking a foundations course. An instructor had used him for an arm-bar demonstration, and he held my son's arm against his erect penis for an extended period of time. My son said it felt intentional. I am angry. I'm not sure what the norms are surrounding erections in BJJ. Is the culture to just accept them as an embarrassing reality and move on with life? My instinct is to take some kind of legal action, but I don't think we'd have a solid case. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
RESPONSE A: I mean in an armbar the opponents arm is against your junk.. how long is an extended time? Time used to explain a move to other people? How many ppl saw this and didn't think anything of it? He could tell it erect with the back of his tricep/forearm through a gi and no one else noticed? Honestly doesn't sound like you have anything based on the limited info.
RESPONSE B: Ask to attend the class next time. Be concerned if they say no. If they let you observe pay attention to the moves. Most martial arts will have much more contact during training then they show on TV (both in media and the olympics) it is not uncommon for a child who is not used to the close contact to be uncomfortable. You should be a presence in the room so your son knows you have his back. When I took judo,aikido, and karate in college it was really uncomfortable the first few times I had to throw or put in a hold or be put in a hold or thrown etc. I can understand how especially to a teenager, that all contact may feel like intimate contact especially when they feel helpless and overpowered. If your son is ever feels uncomfortable he should be able to tap out and be released from any hold. If he tried to tap out and they did not let him go then he needs to find another place to train. Martial arts are about respect for your self, your instructor, and your body. If he isn't comfortable then it's not worth it.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: for everything i have basically. I live in Canada by the way. I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do...
RESPONSE A: GO TO THE **COPS**
RESPONSE B: Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do...
RESPONSE A: Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks.
RESPONSE B: I'm gonna make this real clear to you, so hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say , "CALL THE FUCKING POLICE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" Do not spend one more second not looking for your phone to get in contact with them.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: I don't know what to do... I told my ex wife that I believe my daughter - With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do...
RESPONSE A: You should have gone to your doctor or to cps. You could be perceived as coaching your daughter.
RESPONSE B: Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: With 3 years of age she is too young to make things like that up... Since he is in the picture, my daughter's behaviour has changed as well... Got shy, she is wetting herself 3 out of 4 nights and is extremely moody. She was so well balanced before this all happened. I am feeling sick to my stomach that I had to give my daughter back into my ex's care for the last week and he was around all the time. My lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do...
RESPONSE A: OMG why haven't you gone to the police? What the fuck are you hoping a lawyer will do? You are letting your daughters be around someone who you believe molested them?
RESPONSE B: Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: lawyer told me, that if I would go to Child protection services, it is not guaranteed that the child would go automatically into my care either. She could wind up in foster care. When I picked her up from day care last Friday, the first thing my daughter said was that: "Daddy, I stayed away from him (she said his name). I asked my daughter about her week and if she was happy and my daughter told me that she was NOT happy at mommy's house - when I asked why she said: because HE is there. As our daycare is right next to our matrimonial home, I called my ex wife so she could hear what her daughter has to say about this herself. When my ex was there and I asked the same questions, my daughter's expression changed from sad/upset to sad/upset and scared. But she gave the same answers to the questions. In the end, my ex asked my daughter: "Do you love mommy?" And my daughter said: "No i don't" right in her face. Honestly, after hearing this, I am actually becoming friendly with the thought of the chance of my daughter being in foster care rather than being with my ex wife and her boyfriend... Don't get me wrong, I want her to be with me but if foster care would be the only option - so be it... What should I do...
RESPONSE A: Your lawyer really sucks if he told you going to the police to report your child being sexually assaulted may cause her to wind up in foster care. Like, really sucks.
RESPONSE B: I am not a lawyer, but I do work in a school and have worked with CPS before. They are always EXTREMELY reluctant to place a child in foster care if there is a viable alternative elsewhere. The last thing they want to do is remove a child from their family, and they'll pursue every avenue possible before doing that. Call CPS now and talk to them. They may be able to help you through the process of talking to the police. As for slander, again I am not a lawyer but I am a mandatory reporter and there is no way that you could be succesfully sued for reporting something like this.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k. I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal. Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us.
RESPONSE A: Do not confront. Contact the Employee Benefits Security Administration (ESBA). This is a federal crime. 401k fraud by employers is done for the purposes of embezzling the funds, and it's not complicated to do. ​ It would be illogical he picked a part-timer to do this to, so likely all your co-workers are also being used. As a part-timer you are the least lucrative target. ​ If you do not deal with this, you may be held to account for unpaid federal taxes at a later date. Depending on how long this has been happening, that could be a lot of money. The total deferrals for 401k are around $50k per year: the worker can contribute $18k and the employer can match it, and then some. If he started this a year after you were hired, he may have embezzled $300k from you alone.
RESPONSE B: Yeah, if other employees have one, too, this is probably not his first time. I am not a lawyer, but I would reach out to a lawyer before confronting your boss. If your boss claims you did sign it, you may need to bring in a hand-writing analyst.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My boss forged my signature and opened up a 401k in my name. He is the guarantor. I found out about it on accident. I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die. I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k. I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal. Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us.
RESPONSE A: I suspect he's making employer contributions to lower his taxes, and somehow plans to either reclaim the money later (a deferred income scheme) or thinks he can take distributions and have the taxes attributed to you. Either way, this is a stupid person.
RESPONSE B: Yeah, if other employees have one, too, this is probably not his first time. I am not a lawyer, but I would reach out to a lawyer before confronting your boss. If your boss claims you did sign it, you may need to bring in a hand-writing analyst.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My boss forged my signature and opened up a 401k in my name. He is the guarantor. I found out about it on accident. I do medical billing at a doctors office part time. I was sorting my papers as usual one morning when I came across something with my name on it. It had an account number and stated life insurance. I honestly thought it was a life insurance policy on myself and he was going to kill me or waiting for me to die. I called the company it was through. Turns out it’s a retirement fund. He’s the guarantor. I wasn’t able to find out any other information unless I get his consent. The operator did state that it’s impossible for me to have not known about this account because I would of had to sign for it. I’ve worked there for over 7 years and have never signed anything about a 401k. My check stubs do not show a 401k. I am certain I wasn’t supposed to find this. My boss is a pretty big douche for forging my signature and storing money in my name. I’m still not sure how it’ll benefit him. Some say he could cash it out after 7 years after i left. I don’t want to lose my job but I’d like my money. Or our money. Or can I even do anything about this. It can’t be legal. Oh and multiple employee names were on there and they have never heard anything about a 401k. Our job doesn’t even offer insurance or paid holidays or anything that would help or benefit us.
RESPONSE A: Besides what has been said, a call to the IRS may be in order. You will get some of the seized money that he owes them.
RESPONSE B: Yeah, if other employees have one, too, this is probably not his first time. I am not a lawyer, but I would reach out to a lawyer before confronting your boss. If your boss claims you did sign it, you may need to bring in a hand-writing analyst.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that?
RESPONSE A: As deplorable as I find his actions, he still has every right to be a father to his children.
RESPONSE B: >I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? She's a child who craves attention and the trappings of adulthood, which she can get from him for basically free. She can make him do whatever she wants AND get him to pay her for the privilege. She rubs his...ermm.... lamp, and poof, wish granted. Drive? Drink? Shiny present? All of that's basically hers now. >But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. Horse hockey. She can be forgiven for succumbing to this delusion but he knows better, and if he can't see that then it's not your job to unfuck him. Let someone else give him that bollocking. You call a solicitor and whatever this person says you need to do, you do. Aside, you may feel inspired to encourage your kids to make her life difficult. Future-you would probably rather you hadn't done that. Not punishing them for disobeying... well, you're a busy woman after all. You haven't time for everything!
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that?
RESPONSE A: >I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? She's a child who craves attention and the trappings of adulthood, which she can get from him for basically free. She can make him do whatever she wants AND get him to pay her for the privilege. She rubs his...ermm.... lamp, and poof, wish granted. Drive? Drink? Shiny present? All of that's basically hers now. >But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. Horse hockey. She can be forgiven for succumbing to this delusion but he knows better, and if he can't see that then it's not your job to unfuck him. Let someone else give him that bollocking. You call a solicitor and whatever this person says you need to do, you do. Aside, you may feel inspired to encourage your kids to make her life difficult. Future-you would probably rather you hadn't done that. Not punishing them for disobeying... well, you're a busy woman after all. You haven't time for everything!
RESPONSE B: R/legaladviceuk will be able to better provide answers as to divorce proceedings etc
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My husband cheated on me with a 16 year old I originally posted this in a different place but was told I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that?
RESPONSE A: R/legaladviceuk will be able to better provide answers as to divorce proceedings etc
RESPONSE B: As deplorable as I find his actions, he still has every right to be a father to his children.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: I should come here I've been with my husband, who is 45, for 17 years now. We've got 2 children who are 7 and 11. Recently our relationship has been struggling, bit deep down I thought we both loved each other and my husband had never spoken about or showed any signs of wanting it to end. However, last weekend I took the kids away with me while my husband stayed at home. We got back home and everything seemed normal, until my husband's phone went off while he was in the bathroom. When I looked at it, it was a message from a girl saying 'I hope I didn't leave it at yours'. This immediately made me suspicious and I confronted my husband, who eventually admitted he had met with a girl who was just 16 and said they had kissed, but nothing more. But I later found 2 condoms, one in the house and one in the car, that I knew had not been used with me as they were flavoured and we had never used flavoured ones. So I'm pretty sure my husband had sex with a 16 year old. But even worse, he loves her and wants to end it with me to be with her. I just don't really understand it, she's 16 and I've searched her up on Facebook. She's a model and gets hundreds of likes on her pics and loads of comments from boys. My husband is not rich or anything like that, so what could she possibly want from a 45 year old man? But they both swear they love each other and he wants her to start looking after our kids. I just don't know what went wrong or what to do anymore I'm from the UK, so the sex wasn't illegal I DO NOT want her or him to be allowed to look after my kids. Is there any way I could stop that?
RESPONSE A: He's having sex with someone 5 years older than his oldest child. This girl is 16. He's 29 years older than she is. That's not love. If I were you, I'd be checking his browser history and looking for other things...
RESPONSE B: R/legaladviceuk will be able to better provide answers as to divorce proceedings etc
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts.
RESPONSE A: Agree consult a lawyer. Sounds like she thinks you were hiding assets or income.
RESPONSE B: > Can my ex just demand... Yes, she can demand whatever she wants > ... and I have to provide it? No, if you object to the scope of the request you (or more accurately your lawyer) can object, and you can have the scope narrowed/timeline extended. You need a lawyer. Preferably the same lawyer you worked with for the divorce if you were happy with their work. Blindly and willingly handing over anything the opposition asks for is never a good idea; never take advice from your opponent. And once you have retained the services of an attorney, have your attorney inform them to direct all future contact to their office. There's no reason you should be directly responding to any legal requests without it first going through your attorney.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: . My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts.
RESPONSE A: > Can my ex just demand... Yes, she can demand whatever she wants > ... and I have to provide it? No, if you object to the scope of the request you (or more accurately your lawyer) can object, and you can have the scope narrowed/timeline extended. You need a lawyer. Preferably the same lawyer you worked with for the divorce if you were happy with their work. Blindly and willingly handing over anything the opposition asks for is never a good idea; never take advice from your opponent. And once you have retained the services of an attorney, have your attorney inform them to direct all future contact to their office. There's no reason you should be directly responding to any legal requests without it first going through your attorney.
RESPONSE B: Do you have minor children with your ex? How much longer does the spousal support obligation run?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts.
RESPONSE A: > Can my ex just demand... Yes, she can demand whatever she wants > ... and I have to provide it? No, if you object to the scope of the request you (or more accurately your lawyer) can object, and you can have the scope narrowed/timeline extended. You need a lawyer. Preferably the same lawyer you worked with for the divorce if you were happy with their work. Blindly and willingly handing over anything the opposition asks for is never a good idea; never take advice from your opponent. And once you have retained the services of an attorney, have your attorney inform them to direct all future contact to their office. There's no reason you should be directly responding to any legal requests without it first going through your attorney.
RESPONSE B: You really need a lawyer to address this for you.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents...7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts.
RESPONSE A: You really need a lawyer to address this for you.
RESPONSE B: Agree consult a lawyer. Sounds like she thinks you were hiding assets or income.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: Ex spouse just filed interrogatories for 100’s of pages of personal documents...7 years after divorce. California. Placer County. Married 25 years, final divorce MSA completed about 5 years ago. I pay my ex monthly support, have never missed or been late. I have been compliant with every aspect of the MSA since it was signed. My ex does not work even though MSA says they are supposed to. I am late 50's, she is late 60's. Two days ago I got a packet in the mail with four forms (a Case, FL-145, DISC-001, DISC-020) requesting hundreds of pages of information about me, some going back 30 years. Every tax filing, every paystub, every checking account transaction since 2016, every gift I’ve ever given anyone, any loan application I’ve ever filed, bills that I have paid, health, insurance, people sharing my residence, the list just goes on and on. I’m supposed to turn these over in 30 days according to the documents, it is so much information even if I were to try to pull it all together I could not in that amount of time. I’m already seeking out an attorney to help, but I’m so worried about it, I have two main questions: 1. Is this legal? Can my ex just demand every piece of personal information in my life 5 years after we divorced and signed an MSA... and I have to provide it? 2. If I do have to supply all of this, will I be able to get an extension? How do I formally request an extension? I doubt they would willingly grant it. Anything you could provide would help put my worried mind to rest, and I appreciate your thoughts.
RESPONSE A: You really need a lawyer to address this for you.
RESPONSE B: Do you have minor children with your ex? How much longer does the spousal support obligation run?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: , constantly yelling at me and throwing crap around drunkenly, though he's not violent and I'm not scared for my life in any way. My first fear is that if I leave with my son, I will be considered "abandoning" him; would that hurt me in the divorce? ​ He told me he doesn't want custody of our son at all, and will fight as much as possible to not pay much in child support. He currently makes $150k per year and I make $0. Wouldn't he be obligated to pay a decent amount in support? Would I have any claim to alimony? ​ I know that our assets won't be divided 50/50 since he came into the marriage with all them money and this is considered a short term marriage. But what am I entitled to? We have made many many financial decisions together, and I do feel I had been contributing to the family quite well. ​ Last question. My husband says he is going to serve me first. I haven't contacted a lawyer. I don't want to file first because I want the courts to see that it wasn't my choice and I'm not trying to use him for money. Is this wise? Should I beat him to the punch? ​ Thank you for reading. ​ ​ ​
RESPONSE A: Rule one: Don't trust the legal opinions of your opponent. Start talking to a lawyer. I don't think you are as screwed as he's leading you to believe. But now is the time to think and act quickly.
RESPONSE B: If you need money for a lawyer get a home equity line of credit on the paid off beach house that is in your name. You have a large asset you that can leverage to fund the divorce, should be able to get an equity line that only requires the interest payment for the first few years. Take out what you need for the lawyer and enough to cover the interest for the first year, then pay it back when you everything is settled or if you decide to sell the property.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: Im a stay at home mom, Cannot afford a divorce (AZ) Husband is addicted to prostitutes has drained all of our resources into this addiction He cannot hold a job (Assuming it’s related to the same addiction) now that I am aware of what’s happening I have tons of evidence including bank statements he was sending cash app transactions to hookers every other day for the last four years including during his unemployment, and while my son was with him. I need to kick him out of my house which I purchased before our marriage, that’s a whole Different question... What I need to know is if I kick him out is not going to give him leverage against me when I finally find the resources to divorce him?
RESPONSE A: Not a lawyer - Search Pro Bono Divorce Lawyer
RESPONSE B: You may want to contact a domestic violence organization for assistance. Abuse isn’t just physical abuse. Financial abuse is abuse. They may be able to direct you to free or low cost help.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: Im a stay at home mom, Cannot afford a divorce (AZ) Husband is addicted to prostitutes has drained all of our resources into this addiction He cannot hold a job (Assuming it’s related to the same addiction) now that I am aware of what’s happening I have tons of evidence including bank statements he was sending cash app transactions to hookers every other day for the last four years including during his unemployment, and while my son was with him. I need to kick him out of my house which I purchased before our marriage, that’s a whole Different question... What I need to know is if I kick him out is not going to give him leverage against me when I finally find the resources to divorce him?
RESPONSE A: Kicking him out of the marital home is not viewed kindly by the court. If you do proceed, you’ll need to follow the eviction laws and can’t just throw his stuff out. Whether you own the home on your own or not is based on a lot of factors that you need to talk through with an attorney. If you do own your home, there are divorce attorneys who understand they won’t get paid their full amount until after the divorce is settled.
RESPONSE B: Not a lawyer - Search Pro Bono Divorce Lawyer
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise.
RESPONSE A: Everybody has been commenting about this as a landlord/tenant issue (which it partially is), but can anyone speak to the family law issues? In TX, there is a duty to support your spouse while you are married and you generally cannot kick them out or evict them during the course of the divorce. This is regardless of whether there is a right to evict under landlord/tenant law. In addition, a lot of judges will look very badly on a landlord that happens to be one spouse's parent evicting the other spouse, as it could be seen as the parents taking action on the spouse's behalf as a sneaky way to bypass the rules. Can anyone comment on whether there are similar laws or common practices in CA? Without knowing CA, here is some general advice I can give. Talk to a family law attorney immediately. You need an attorney. It is very important to protect your interests. Borrow money from friends or family if you have to. Your husband has already shown that he is not going to be fair and treat you well in this divorce. You need to protect yourself. Absolutely do not abandon your residence voluntarily. Do not move out unless you are legally required to do so. If he wants to not live together, he can move out. If you are served a notice to vacate (which in most states is required before an eviction, and probably is in CA as well) talk to your family law attorney about it and/or talk to a landlord tenant attorney. See whether it is just an idle threat or if they really have the legal ability to evict you. If you are served with an eviction lawsuit, answer the suit, do not just ignore it. But until they take some legal action (notices, lawsuit, etc) you don't have to do anything.
RESPONSE B: Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise.
RESPONSE A: Everybody has been commenting about this as a landlord/tenant issue (which it partially is), but can anyone speak to the family law issues? In TX, there is a duty to support your spouse while you are married and you generally cannot kick them out or evict them during the course of the divorce. This is regardless of whether there is a right to evict under landlord/tenant law. In addition, a lot of judges will look very badly on a landlord that happens to be one spouse's parent evicting the other spouse, as it could be seen as the parents taking action on the spouse's behalf as a sneaky way to bypass the rules. Can anyone comment on whether there are similar laws or common practices in CA? Without knowing CA, here is some general advice I can give. Talk to a family law attorney immediately. You need an attorney. It is very important to protect your interests. Borrow money from friends or family if you have to. Your husband has already shown that he is not going to be fair and treat you well in this divorce. You need to protect yourself. Absolutely do not abandon your residence voluntarily. Do not move out unless you are legally required to do so. If he wants to not live together, he can move out. If you are served a notice to vacate (which in most states is required before an eviction, and probably is in CA as well) talk to your family law attorney about it and/or talk to a landlord tenant attorney. See whether it is just an idle threat or if they really have the legal ability to evict you. If you are served with an eviction lawsuit, answer the suit, do not just ignore it. But until they take some legal action (notices, lawsuit, etc) you don't have to do anything.
RESPONSE B: Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise.
RESPONSE A: Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck
RESPONSE B: Whatever you do, do NOT leave your child. If you leave, take your child with you!
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My husband gave me 30 days notice. I'm a stay at home mom not from this state. Please advise. NO CA. My husband and I have been married for a year but we together for 7. We have a 1.5 year old child. We haven't been getting along the best and have been in couples therapy for a few months. Yesterday he gave me 30 days notice to leave and will be serving me with divorce papers shortly. I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise.
RESPONSE A: Is your home rented or owned? Who is on the lease or title?
RESPONSE B: Whatever you do, do NOT leave your child. If you leave, take your child with you!
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: I have no idea what to do. I am a stay at home mom and haven't worked in 2+ years. This was a mutual decision. He doesn't make very much money but pays for all of our bills. I stayed home taking care of our child. The baby spends 99.99% of the time with me. I'm still nursing. I have no idea who is going to care for the baby since I'm being kicked out. I have no where to go. I don't know anyone here. My family lives in Florida. I have no money to my name. I have my own checking/savings account, as does he. I have a credit card on his account (with my name) that he took from me. I can't afford a lawyer. I literally have $10 in my banking account because I just spent the money I did have (which was only $100) on Christmas presents, as he asked me to do. For him/family/our child. Please advise.
RESPONSE A: You need to look up your local resources for legal aid. You need a lawyer, and you need to file for spousal support and child support along with custody. Taking away all access to money is financial abuse. Keep a journal of everything he's doing and back it up on cloud storage like Dropbox so no matter what you'll have clear recollections of what happened when. Do not move out. Do not leave your child, no matter what. He has no right to insist you leave without the kid, who is breastfeeding but any kind of written statements from him saying that would be gold in the custody hearings. Look into getting employed and find out how much childcare will be. Go to your local resource offices- welfare- and see what options are available to transition back into working. You can apply for childcare subsidies to help with the cost as well. This is a shitty thing he's done, but it's nothing you can't make it through. Keep your head on straight and concentrate on keeping your kid and yourself straight. Get a lawyer, get a job, and never look back.
RESPONSE B: Don't be afraid to give us updates as you find resources, it's good to hear when you can help someone. Best luck
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me.
RESPONSE A: Without a court order you don’t have to let her take the child. But it is in the child’s interest to spend time with mom. You should review with your attorney how to proceed on visitation. You’re entitled to your share of the marital assets. And can review with your attorney whether there’s any possibility for spousal support. But obviously you’ll need a way to support yourself as well.
RESPONSE B: You definitely need a lawyer that being said you also need to talk with your spouse and figure out exactly what led up to this. People with good marriages typically don't do this out of no where. That being said if you do end up divorcing you'll be entitled to a split of marital assets. You mentioned your lease will be up soon so you may want to start looking for other places to live. You can't force her to pay the rent if she is no longer living there. Also theres no guarantee she'll continue putting money in your joint account so you need to get your own income. In regards to your child, if you can't provide a roof over their head and pay for basic needs then the best you might be able to get against the mom is visitation.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: dad with no income of my own, only like $400 on me, poor health, our lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me.
RESPONSE A: You are entitled to marital assets. Call a lawyer and tell them your situation they are used to working out payment plans for this kind of thing. Doctor yes. See if you are eligible for disability although it is a long road to it. She's now allowed to cut you off but you will need to find ways to manage in the meantime.
RESPONSE B: You definitely need a lawyer that being said you also need to talk with your spouse and figure out exactly what led up to this. People with good marriages typically don't do this out of no where. That being said if you do end up divorcing you'll be entitled to a split of marital assets. You mentioned your lease will be up soon so you may want to start looking for other places to live. You can't force her to pay the rent if she is no longer living there. Also theres no guarantee she'll continue putting money in your joint account so you need to get your own income. In regards to your child, if you can't provide a roof over their head and pay for basic needs then the best you might be able to get against the mom is visitation.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: the night and talk to me the next day but I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. I'm a stay at home dad with no income of my own, only like $400 on me, poor health, our lease is almost up, and am completely dependent upon my spouse's job to even have a roof over our head. We share one joint bank account. I guess some specific questions I can think of are: If she chooses to leave the place can I legally stop her from taking the kid? I don't even know where she is right now and she does have rich family out of state. What recourse do I have when it comes to money and housing? I don't have friends to couch surf on, no family left to stay with. I'm all alone in this world except her and my kid. I don't even know if I could work my health is so bad; I've been too afraid of doctors to really see them much lately. I'm assuming if I can't work then I'm not a fit parent? I don't know how that works. Arkansas is my location. There are no mens shelters, nothing. I'm so scared and confused. Please help me.
RESPONSE A: I am not a lawyer Please, please, please, call a lawyer and do not hand over that child. See what your rights are, she can't take your child away from you.
RESPONSE B: You definitely need a lawyer that being said you also need to talk with your spouse and figure out exactly what led up to this. People with good marriages typically don't do this out of no where. That being said if you do end up divorcing you'll be entitled to a split of marital assets. You mentioned your lease will be up soon so you may want to start looking for other places to live. You can't force her to pay the rent if she is no longer living there. Also theres no guarantee she'll continue putting money in your joint account so you need to get your own income. In regards to your child, if you can't provide a roof over their head and pay for basic needs then the best you might be able to get against the mom is visitation.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: pension. At first he was just supposed to give her half monthly, but he wasn't doing it so she filed paperwork (I guess giving the pension company a copy of the divorce orders, and proof he wasn't complying) and now they each get half directly deposited in their respective bank accounts. My mom is starting to think about planning for when she passes, and she would like to know what happens if she dies first. Does my dad go back to getting a 100% payment? Or can she leave her monthly portion to someone? Or does her share go away and no one gets it, including my dad who would stay at the court ordered 50%?
RESPONSE A: I am not a lawyer Alimony pay of a permanent nature such typically ends when the recipient ex spouse dies. There are reasons that the payments would continue to go to the estate of the late ex spouse, such as payment past due. (I cannot speak to a situation such as a recipient having dependents, but I imagine this might be relevant.) To the best of my lightly researched knowledge, the same rules would apply for a pension as compared to a more typical income stream.
RESPONSE B: If it is just a wage garnishment for alimony, more than likely your father would receive the full 100% if your mom were to pass first. This is of course excluding any special provisions in the court order. If your father were to remarry and/or have another child and then pass before your mother, the new wife or child under 18 would likely be entitled to the pension, depending on survivor benefits. If this happens, your mother would cease to receive alimony after the estate is settled. Once the other wife dies or the child becomes an adult, the pension would end. If your father dies first without any of the above, I would guess that your mother would no longer receive the payments, but I guess it would be possible for a judge to reassign your mother as the survivor beneficiary, but I doubt that would happen. It really depends how the order was made, but if it's a standard alimony and garnishment, your mom is only receiving a portion of your father's income, which is the pension, but is not actually entitled to the pension itself.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: (TX) if exwife dies while receiving 1/2 of her exhusbands pension, does she get to leave her part to someone? Or does he get it all back to 100%? My dad divorced my mom when he retired, after 30 years of marriage. (about five years ago) In divorce court the judge ordered that they each get half of his federal retirement pension. At first he was just supposed to give her half monthly, but he wasn't doing it so she filed paperwork (I guess giving the pension company a copy of the divorce orders, and proof he wasn't complying) and now they each get half directly deposited in their respective bank accounts. My mom is starting to think about planning for when she passes, and she would like to know what happens if she dies first. Does my dad go back to getting a 100% payment? Or can she leave her monthly portion to someone? Or does her share go away and no one gets it, including my dad who would stay at the court ordered 50%?
RESPONSE A: to all y'all calling the pension payments alimony: nope. it's not alimony, and it's not present income. the pension was earned during the marriage. it's just being paid now. the ex-wife is entitled to 1/2 of all income earned during the marriage. the pension was earned during the marriage, and 1/2 belongs to her, to do with however she wants. it's her property, and it's inheritable. Ps: the forms she filled out were probably a QDRO.
RESPONSE B: She should not be worried about the half she is getting but his health. Unless he selected a survivor benefit on his pension when he dies so does the pension. When a survivor benefit is selected you get less money so chances are he did not select that and even if he did I doubt he would put his ex-wife as the one to receive it. I doubt she can give her half to anyone unless the court ordered it. So no I highly doubt she can give his pension half to someone else on death. <-- Former Fed that did "HR" type stuff.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: so I figured my wife must have because no one else has access to my Facebook or my phone. The cops interviewed me and my wife and they examined my phone. They say that my wife didn't post it because it was posted from my phone through our ISP and my phone was only pinging a tower by our house on the night it was posted. My wife was out with friends that night and there are pictures and witnesses to prove it while I told them I was home alone all night. I know there is no way I posted it. I had been drinking that night but I wasn't blackout drunk. Also my wife came home from the bar because she forgot something. I remember her playing with my phone before she left again. I also saw that on my tablet she had researched divorce lawyers and divorce after adultery before the video post. I think she already knew and posted the video as revenge. She told the cops she never left the bar and they say her phone was pinging a tower by the bar and that combined with the pictures means she didn't and they closed the case. But they also told me that if the woman in the video comes forward I could be in trouble for revenge porn. My wife is denying that she posted it or that she did those searches on my tablet. She also said she filed for fault divorce and she told me she took a copy of the video off Facebook and has screenshots of my visits to the FA/BBW website and the searches about fault divorce and adultery from my tablet. She told me she will be subpoenaing my phone records too. I need advice because I don't know what the fuck I should do or how I can get the cops to believe that she posted it. It's embarrassing because my family and friends saw it before Facebook took it down. Also how bad will the video be for the divorce if my wife was the main breadwinner and had paid for 100% of our home and all our bills and mortgage?
RESPONSE A: >Also how bad will the video be for the divorce if my wife was the main breadwinner and had paid for 100% of our home and all our bills and mortgage? Damn, you're fucked
RESPONSE B: No sympathy. I hope your wife gets a great deal.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: and my phone was only pinging a tower by our house on the night it was posted. My wife was out with friends that night and there are pictures and witnesses to prove it while I told them I was home alone all night. I know there is no way I posted it. I had been drinking that night but I wasn't blackout drunk. Also my wife came home from the bar because she forgot something. I remember her playing with my phone before she left again. I also saw that on my tablet she had researched divorce lawyers and divorce after adultery before the video post. I think she already knew and posted the video as revenge. She told the cops she never left the bar and they say her phone was pinging a tower by the bar and that combined with the pictures means she didn't and they closed the case. But they also told me that if the woman in the video comes forward I could be in trouble for revenge porn. My wife is denying that she posted it or that she did those searches on my tablet. She also said she filed for fault divorce and she told me she took a copy of the video off Facebook and has screenshots of my visits to the FA/BBW website and the searches about fault divorce and adultery from my tablet. She told me she will be subpoenaing my phone records too. I need advice because I don't know what the fuck I should do or how I can get the cops to believe that she posted it. It's embarrassing because my family and friends saw it before Facebook took it down. Also how bad will the video be for the divorce if my wife was the main breadwinner and had paid for 100% of our home and all our bills and mortgage?
RESPONSE A: Forget about getting your wife arrested. Dont think even if it worked if that would impact the divorce case much. You need a divorce lawyer. Others are saying you are trying to frame her but I dont have an opinion on that. If she did do this she was smart about it. Established an alibi before going back to your house without her phone. I doubt even if the police believed you they could get the da to charge her. Lawyer up buddy you are going to need it.
RESPONSE B: No sympathy. I hope your wife gets a great deal.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: care of them, and I can basically "never be seen again." I'm not good at this and I can't afford an attorney because I have no access to the accounts and he froze my AmEx. I have some money but not enough to afford an attorney that won't leave me broke, unable to see my kids and nowhere to go... I do not know what laws are like in Tenn but I know when I lived in CA that married couples are entitled to joint bank accounts? Unless I'm wrong? Are there laws in Tenn that demand a wife have access to a bank account? I know laws in Tenn are nothing like they are in CA but I really need some advice and anything constructive will help! Thank you so much everyone, and please don't look at me like I'm trying to get his money, all I want is to be able to afford an attorney to help me get through this without having it ruin my life. Thank you reddit
RESPONSE A: >please don't look at me like I'm trying to get his money You've been given great advice by u/bug-hunter. I just want to add: please don't look at this as "his money". It's not. It is YOUR (plural) money. Just because the paycheck wasn't in your name, does not mean you are not entitled to it. You sacrificed your career and your life to enrich and support the family unit. He never would have been able to accumulate those assets without your help and sacrifice. Please do not accept a lowball settlement just because you did your work inside the home as opposed to outside it like he did. You are due fair compensation for the sacrifices you made, and for the sake of your children and your future, make sure you get what is yours. And if anyone tries to tell you it is "his" money, you let them know how much a live in nanny/maid for 4 kids costs. Because that is what he would have had to hire if you didn't sacrifice for the family.
RESPONSE B: Please reach out to Family Services in your county and ask for legal aid resources. You may also be able to contact county legal aid directly without going through Family Services.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: 't easy for me to just find work wherever he got a job). We never merged bank accounts and he never gave me access to his, just an AmEx. Which was fine, then... Cut to, we unexpectedly got pregnant and had 4 kids. Neither of us was prepared and since then, I've been a full time mom, all day and all night. We grew apart (ill leave it at that) and now he wants a divorce. His lawyer told me essentially, how about the kids move in with his parents (mine are out of the picture), they'll hire someone to take care of them, and I can basically "never be seen again." I'm not good at this and I can't afford an attorney because I have no access to the accounts and he froze my AmEx. I have some money but not enough to afford an attorney that won't leave me broke, unable to see my kids and nowhere to go... I do not know what laws are like in Tenn but I know when I lived in CA that married couples are entitled to joint bank accounts? Unless I'm wrong? Are there laws in Tenn that demand a wife have access to a bank account? I know laws in Tenn are nothing like they are in CA but I really need some advice and anything constructive will help! Thank you so much everyone, and please don't look at me like I'm trying to get his money, all I want is to be able to afford an attorney to help me get through this without having it ruin my life. Thank you reddit
RESPONSE A: Please reach out to Family Services in your county and ask for legal aid resources. You may also be able to contact county legal aid directly without going through Family Services.
RESPONSE B: Step 1 - Look at the TN Justice for All page. It has links to legal aid, and self help resources. Step 2 - Here is the TN Court Self Help page. When filing, you can note that your husband is denying you access to marital assets to hire a lawyer. Courts take this very seriously. Step 3 - Sign up for a credit card in your name - that may get you access to the funds you need to get a referral paid.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: . We grew apart (ill leave it at that) and now he wants a divorce. His lawyer told me essentially, how about the kids move in with his parents (mine are out of the picture), they'll hire someone to take care of them, and I can basically "never be seen again." I'm not good at this and I can't afford an attorney because I have no access to the accounts and he froze my AmEx. I have some money but not enough to afford an attorney that won't leave me broke, unable to see my kids and nowhere to go... I do not know what laws are like in Tenn but I know when I lived in CA that married couples are entitled to joint bank accounts? Unless I'm wrong? Are there laws in Tenn that demand a wife have access to a bank account? I know laws in Tenn are nothing like they are in CA but I really need some advice and anything constructive will help! Thank you so much everyone, and please don't look at me like I'm trying to get his money, all I want is to be able to afford an attorney to help me get through this without having it ruin my life. Thank you reddit
RESPONSE A: Please reach out to Family Services in your county and ask for legal aid resources. You may also be able to contact county legal aid directly without going through Family Services.
RESPONSE B: Your lawyer doesn't necessarily need to be paid upfront. You DO have money, you just can't access it because your soon-to-be-ex is preventing it. And a lawyer can help you fix that. Because you ARE entitled to that money, at least some of it. And a judge is NOT going to look kindly on a man who cuts his soon to be ex off from their money due to spite and pettiness -especially as a ploy to get full custody. Also:DO NOT TALK TO HIS LAWYER. Once you get your own lawyer, any and all communication from his lawyer should be through your own. Until then, save any letters and voicemails he sends to you, but don't talk to him. Don't give them any information except the name of your own lawyer.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: events like this, thought we'd stay together forever and money wasn't an issue. When we got married, he wanted to pay for everything and provide so I didn't work much (I used to have a great job, but his line of work made us move all over the country.. about 8 different countries so it wasn't easy for me to just find work wherever he got a job). We never merged bank accounts and he never gave me access to his, just an AmEx. Which was fine, then... Cut to, we unexpectedly got pregnant and had 4 kids. Neither of us was prepared and since then, I've been a full time mom, all day and all night. We grew apart (ill leave it at that) and now he wants a divorce. His lawyer told me essentially, how about the kids move in with his parents (mine are out of the picture), they'll hire someone to take care of them, and I can basically "never be seen again." I'm not good at this and I can't afford an attorney because I have no access to the accounts and he froze my AmEx. I have some money but not enough to afford an attorney that won't leave me broke, unable to see my kids and nowhere to go... I do not know what laws are like in Tenn but I know when I lived in CA that married couples are entitled to joint bank accounts? Unless I'm wrong? Are there laws in Tenn that demand a wife have access to a bank account? I know laws in Tenn are nothing like they are in CA but I really need some advice and anything constructive will help! Thank you so much everyone, and please don't look at me like I'm trying to get his money, all I want is to be able to afford an attorney to help me get through this without having it ruin my life. Thank you reddit
RESPONSE A: Please reach out to Family Services in your county and ask for legal aid resources. You may also be able to contact county legal aid directly without going through Family Services.
RESPONSE B: I am not a lawyer Do not leave the marital home or your children. If he does something like change the locks on you, call the police.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: me to just find work wherever he got a job). We never merged bank accounts and he never gave me access to his, just an AmEx. Which was fine, then... Cut to, we unexpectedly got pregnant and had 4 kids. Neither of us was prepared and since then, I've been a full time mom, all day and all night. We grew apart (ill leave it at that) and now he wants a divorce. His lawyer told me essentially, how about the kids move in with his parents (mine are out of the picture), they'll hire someone to take care of them, and I can basically "never be seen again." I'm not good at this and I can't afford an attorney because I have no access to the accounts and he froze my AmEx. I have some money but not enough to afford an attorney that won't leave me broke, unable to see my kids and nowhere to go... I do not know what laws are like in Tenn but I know when I lived in CA that married couples are entitled to joint bank accounts? Unless I'm wrong? Are there laws in Tenn that demand a wife have access to a bank account? I know laws in Tenn are nothing like they are in CA but I really need some advice and anything constructive will help! Thank you so much everyone, and please don't look at me like I'm trying to get his money, all I want is to be able to afford an attorney to help me get through this without having it ruin my life. Thank you reddit
RESPONSE A: Your husband can’t force you to cede all custody of your kids or leave you destitute because he doesn’t want to remain married. You should apply for a CC in your own name (if your husband regularly paid off the Amex you used to use, you should have a pretty good credit history) and use that card to retain an attorney who can represent you in the divorce. You can try to secure part custody of your kids and some of the value of your joint marital assets.
RESPONSE B: Please reach out to Family Services in your county and ask for legal aid resources. You may also be able to contact county legal aid directly without going through Family Services.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: Husband left the day after our daughter was born. No contact since without lawyers. She's almost one and our divorce is almost final. He's demanding a maternity test (paternity test showed he's the father). Is this normal? I'll ask my lawyer Monday but just wondering - Wyoming
RESPONSE A: So how many children of a similar age does this man think he has (since the only way this would work would be if you were using a child he had with another woman). Yes, I know he saw you give birth but he hasn't thought through the lies.
RESPONSE B: When you say demanding do you mean in a legal filing or just in a series of seething, incoherent texts? Because if it's the latter (and I'm assuming it is), don't even worry about it. Maternity tests, in my experience, are usually for welfare fraud.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: Husband left the day after our daughter was born. No contact since without lawyers. She's almost one and our divorce is almost final. He's demanding a maternity test (paternity test showed he's the father). Is this normal? I'll ask my lawyer Monday but just wondering - Wyoming
RESPONSE A: I don't think your (ex) *husband* is normal. Do you have any idea what he's trying to achieve here, and why is his lawyer not telling him to STFU and sit down???
RESPONSE B: Like, even if he were to prove you aren't the mother, that would just prove that he committed adultery, since he has been proven the father... it makes absolutely no sense lol.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: Husband left the day after our daughter was born. No contact since without lawyers. She's almost one and our divorce is almost final. He's demanding a maternity test (paternity test showed he's the father). Is this normal? I'll ask my lawyer Monday but just wondering - Wyoming
RESPONSE A: I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - /r/bestoflegaladvice] [Previously on Day of Our Lives, the paternity test proved that the baby Maria gave birth to was indeed Calvin's daughter, but will the maternity test show that Maria is the mother? Tune in to find out... [](#footer)*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))* [](#bot)
RESPONSE B: Even google doesn't get your husband's request...
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: Husband left the day after our daughter was born. No contact since without lawyers. She's almost one and our divorce is almost final. He's demanding a maternity test (paternity test showed he's the father). Is this normal? I'll ask my lawyer Monday but just wondering - Wyoming
RESPONSE A: Sounds like he is trying really hard to get out of anything regarding your daughter. Its not normal and its hardly even funny. Edit: I know child support can be a touchy subject. But your ex was there through conception and birth. He (I imagine) played an active role in the choice to take your pregnancy to term. If he really wasnt interested in the kid, he had 9 months to gtfo. Instead, he stuck around and then decided he was out as soon as both your lives were irrevocably changed. Thats not being realistic about his ability to care for a child, its cowardice.
RESPONSE B: I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - /r/bestoflegaladvice] [Previously on Day of Our Lives, the paternity test proved that the baby Maria gave birth to was indeed Calvin's daughter, but will the maternity test show that Maria is the mother? Tune in to find out... [](#footer)*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))* [](#bot)
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: Husband left the day after our daughter was born. No contact since without lawyers. She's almost one and our divorce is almost final. He's demanding a maternity test (paternity test showed he's the father). Is this normal? I'll ask my lawyer Monday but just wondering - Wyoming
RESPONSE A: I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - /r/bestoflegaladvice] [Previously on Day of Our Lives, the paternity test proved that the baby Maria gave birth to was indeed Calvin's daughter, but will the maternity test show that Maria is the mother? Tune in to find out... [](#footer)*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))* [](#bot)
RESPONSE B: Would a judge even order a maternity test for a hospital birth(witnesses ect.)? Wasn't there a case that CPS and accusations of kidnapping and the mother failed the maternity test because she had absorbed a non identical twin in the womb?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My neighbors use my mailing address for packages and we are not on good terms. What are my legal obligations when I receive one? My neighbors have on multiple occasions sent packages to my address. I know this is likely on purpose because their address doesn't come up properly when you google it, but ours does. Given that delivery services like Amazon or Walmart probably use google maps, it seems intentional that they are using our address to get their packages sent to our house, and then have us begrudgingly drop it off at their door. Once they sent one of their kids over to ask for their package when we didn't bring it fast enough. I feel that this is attempt to annoy us because they could send the packages to the neighbor on the other side of their house - it's just as close and AFAIK they aren't on bad terms with them. My question is do I have a legal right to withhold their package if it is addressed to my house? My intention is to return the package to the sender. Obviously, I will not open or tamper with their package in any way. What if they have someone knock on my door and request the package? Am I legally required to give it to them when it has my address on it?
RESPONSE A: Return to sender as not at this address. Your neighbors have to work it out with the post office to get their address into the national AMS delivery database.
RESPONSE B: If USPS, just return it to the USPS marked not at this address. If private delivery, like UPS, FedEx, etc, call their number to come pick it back up. If Google Maps is not correct, you can open a ticket to correct it online.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My neighbors use my mailing address for packages and we are not on good terms. What are my legal obligations when I receive one? My neighbors have on multiple occasions sent packages to my address. I know this is likely on purpose because their address doesn't come up properly when you google it, but ours does. Given that delivery services like Amazon or Walmart probably use google maps, it seems intentional that they are using our address to get their packages sent to our house, and then have us begrudgingly drop it off at their door. Once they sent one of their kids over to ask for their package when we didn't bring it fast enough. I feel that this is attempt to annoy us because they could send the packages to the neighbor on the other side of their house - it's just as close and AFAIK they aren't on bad terms with them. My question is do I have a legal right to withhold their package if it is addressed to my house? My intention is to return the package to the sender. Obviously, I will not open or tamper with their package in any way. What if they have someone knock on my door and request the package? Am I legally required to give it to them when it has my address on it?
RESPONSE A: If USPS, just return it to the USPS marked not at this address. If private delivery, like UPS, FedEx, etc, call their number to come pick it back up. If Google Maps is not correct, you can open a ticket to correct it online.
RESPONSE B: Not a lawyer I do believe you can contact the shipping agency and tell them “x does not live here. I do not want to receive packages with x name”
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My neighbors use my mailing address for packages and we are not on good terms. What are my legal obligations when I receive one? My neighbors have on multiple occasions sent packages to my address. I know this is likely on purpose because their address doesn't come up properly when you google it, but ours does. Given that delivery services like Amazon or Walmart probably use google maps, it seems intentional that they are using our address to get their packages sent to our house, and then have us begrudgingly drop it off at their door. Once they sent one of their kids over to ask for their package when we didn't bring it fast enough. I feel that this is attempt to annoy us because they could send the packages to the neighbor on the other side of their house - it's just as close and AFAIK they aren't on bad terms with them. My question is do I have a legal right to withhold their package if it is addressed to my house? My intention is to return the package to the sender. Obviously, I will not open or tamper with their package in any way. What if they have someone knock on my door and request the package? Am I legally required to give it to them when it has my address on it?
RESPONSE A: If USPS, just return it to the USPS marked not at this address. If private delivery, like UPS, FedEx, etc, call their number to come pick it back up. If Google Maps is not correct, you can open a ticket to correct it online.
RESPONSE B: Just mark it return to sender and drop it back at the post office or with the postman. Don’t answer the door when they pop over to inquire about their packages. Problem solved.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My neighbors use my mailing address for packages and we are not on good terms. What are my legal obligations when I receive one? My neighbors have on multiple occasions sent packages to my address. I know this is likely on purpose because their address doesn't come up properly when you google it, but ours does. Given that delivery services like Amazon or Walmart probably use google maps, it seems intentional that they are using our address to get their packages sent to our house, and then have us begrudgingly drop it off at their door. Once they sent one of their kids over to ask for their package when we didn't bring it fast enough. I feel that this is attempt to annoy us because they could send the packages to the neighbor on the other side of their house - it's just as close and AFAIK they aren't on bad terms with them. My question is do I have a legal right to withhold their package if it is addressed to my house? My intention is to return the package to the sender. Obviously, I will not open or tamper with their package in any way. What if they have someone knock on my door and request the package? Am I legally required to give it to them when it has my address on it?
RESPONSE A: If USPS, just return it to the USPS marked not at this address. If private delivery, like UPS, FedEx, etc, call their number to come pick it back up. If Google Maps is not correct, you can open a ticket to correct it online.
RESPONSE B: Is there a reason you have to sign for the package (could you not refuse to sign if it’s one of those)? Or if you don’t have to sign, a reason you pick it up and bring it inside? I would just leave it on my porch/side walk, wherever it was placed and just ignore it, so I was wondering why you retrieve it. I understand if you don’t want them coming onto your property all the time to retrieve the package though.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My neighbors use my mailing address for packages and we are not on good terms. What are my legal obligations when I receive one? My neighbors have on multiple occasions sent packages to my address. I know this is likely on purpose because their address doesn't come up properly when you google it, but ours does. Given that delivery services like Amazon or Walmart probably use google maps, it seems intentional that they are using our address to get their packages sent to our house, and then have us begrudgingly drop it off at their door. Once they sent one of their kids over to ask for their package when we didn't bring it fast enough. I feel that this is attempt to annoy us because they could send the packages to the neighbor on the other side of their house - it's just as close and AFAIK they aren't on bad terms with them. My question is do I have a legal right to withhold their package if it is addressed to my house? My intention is to return the package to the sender. Obviously, I will not open or tamper with their package in any way. What if they have someone knock on my door and request the package? Am I legally required to give it to them when it has my address on it?
RESPONSE A: [For USPS-delivered mail items or packages] In addition to writing "Not At This Address, Return To Sender" on the mail, take a Sharpie® marker and black out the printed barcode. Otherwise, the mail item might be automagically re-delivered to you. Also, keep in mind that pre-sort items (things sent bulk rate) generally won't be returned to the sender. The post office will just throw them away if they're not planning on returning to the sender.
RESPONSE B: Not a lawyer I do believe you can contact the shipping agency and tell them “x does not live here. I do not want to receive packages with x name”
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: : - The first theft and second attempt were by two different people. The two guys stole the tool box, I know what they looked like and the description of the car they drove. My neighbor had outdoor 1080p cameras (the neighbor has moved recently and the cameras went with him). The second guy I know what not with the first two, because I saw him and chased him off my self. - The dealer has high traffic time between at lunch time on weekdays and late nigh hours up until about 3am. There seems to always be a steady steam of cars. Some times the people that pickup the drugs park down the street and wait for a bit before driving to the dealers house. - Talked with most of my neighbors around the neighborhood while out walking my dog. - I submitted a tip on the DEA's website - I informed the HoA - The drug dealer owns the house. The house is not registered as a rental and the owner lists that location as their primary mailing address. The license plate of car that is at the normally at the house is the same name on the deed of the home. - The neighbors had informed the police and try to report suspicious activity, nothing has come from it. Two police cars have driven down our street at 3am for 9 minutes on Christmas day. I dont know what happened but showed up on my cameras. - In a 6 month period of time, we had 4 accidents on our street, can confirm with pictures. Honestly, there are times I do not feel safe in my own home. Moving can be an option, but other than the drug dealer it is a really nice neighborhood. I want the drug dealer gone.
RESPONSE A: Have you considered calling the police?
RESPONSE B: This isn’t really advice, but I feel like it should be said. I think you’re making a bit of a leap blaming one person on your street for ALL of these problems you’ve had with break ins. Although it’s going to sound like I’m trying to take the drug dealers side, do you even have proof that he is in fact selling drugs? Sorry to be a contrarian, but this seems a bit witch-huntey to me.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: has high traffic time between at lunch time on weekdays and late nigh hours up until about 3am. There seems to always be a steady steam of cars. Some times the people that pickup the drugs park down the street and wait for a bit before driving to the dealers house. - Talked with most of my neighbors around the neighborhood while out walking my dog. - I submitted a tip on the DEA's website - I informed the HoA - The drug dealer owns the house. The house is not registered as a rental and the owner lists that location as their primary mailing address. The license plate of car that is at the normally at the house is the same name on the deed of the home. - The neighbors had informed the police and try to report suspicious activity, nothing has come from it. Two police cars have driven down our street at 3am for 9 minutes on Christmas day. I dont know what happened but showed up on my cameras. - In a 6 month period of time, we had 4 accidents on our street, can confirm with pictures. Honestly, there are times I do not feel safe in my own home. Moving can be an option, but other than the drug dealer it is a really nice neighborhood. I want the drug dealer gone.
RESPONSE A: This isn’t really advice, but I feel like it should be said. I think you’re making a bit of a leap blaming one person on your street for ALL of these problems you’ve had with break ins. Although it’s going to sound like I’m trying to take the drug dealers side, do you even have proof that he is in fact selling drugs? Sorry to be a contrarian, but this seems a bit witch-huntey to me.
RESPONSE B: Talk with your subdivision crime watch people, talk with the police sergeant in charge of your neighborhood's beat. Go with other neighbors. Explain your situation. They will listen. I have found the police to be very helpful (Houston, Texas) In my case, the officers decided to do their paper work everyday in front of the house of the perps. Oddly enough, the perps moved very quickly as this ruined their activities.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: [NYS] My townhome neighbor has been stealing my electricity for at least a year. I only just discovered it. Location: New York State ​ I live in a townhome community (rental). Each unit has their own utility meter. In the last year, my electricity bills (especially in the summer) were much higher than usual. I've lived here for 4 years, but the summer electric bills last year were nearly $500/month compared to my usual $120-150/month from other summers. I'm a penny pincher, so I rarely turn on my central ac, turn lights off, and unplug things when I leave for more than a day. My neighbors though are constantly blasting their air conditioning (I can hear it when the central air unit outside is on). I walked out my back door this afternoon for the first time in over a year. (There's not much there. Just overgrown grass and mud, so I rarely feel the urge to go out there). But I saw that my neighbor had plugged their central ac unit into my outside outlet. So in other words, I've been paying for their air conditioning for an undetermined amount of time. But if my electric bills are any indication, at least a year.
RESPONSE A: Sounds like you got a lawsuit on your hands.
RESPONSE B: Take photos of everything as evidence, then try and ask the cops to come around and make a police report. After that, you need to sue them in small claims.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: [NYS] My townhome neighbor has been stealing my electricity for at least a year. I only just discovered it. Location: New York State ​ I live in a townhome community (rental). Each unit has their own utility meter. In the last year, my electricity bills (especially in the summer) were much higher than usual. I've lived here for 4 years, but the summer electric bills last year were nearly $500/month compared to my usual $120-150/month from other summers. I'm a penny pincher, so I rarely turn on my central ac, turn lights off, and unplug things when I leave for more than a day. My neighbors though are constantly blasting their air conditioning (I can hear it when the central air unit outside is on). I walked out my back door this afternoon for the first time in over a year. (There's not much there. Just overgrown grass and mud, so I rarely feel the urge to go out there). But I saw that my neighbor had plugged their central ac unit into my outside outlet. So in other words, I've been paying for their air conditioning for an undetermined amount of time. But if my electric bills are any indication, at least a year.
RESPONSE A: not legal advice. You should find the breaker in your electrical panel which controls the outside outlet and shut it off as a first step.
RESPONSE B: Take photos of everything as evidence, then try and ask the cops to come around and make a police report. After that, you need to sue them in small claims.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: been paying for their air conditioning for an undetermined amount of time. But if my electric bills are any indication, at least a year.
RESPONSE A: Take photos of everything as evidence, then try and ask the cops to come around and make a police report. After that, you need to sue them in small claims.
RESPONSE B: ---
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Author: /u/CleverGrass
Title: **NYS] My townhome neighbor has been stealing my electricity for at least a year. I only just discovered it.**
Original Post:
> I live in a townhome community (rental). Each unit has their own utility meter. In the last year, my electricity bills (especially in the summer) were much higher than usual. I've lived here for 4 years, but the summer electric bills last year were nearly $500/month compared to my usual $120-150/month from other summers. I'm a penny pincher, so I rarely turn on my central ac, turn lights off, and unplug things when I leave for more than a day. My neighbors though are constantly blasting their air conditioning (I can hear it when the central air unit outside is on). > > I walked out my back door this afternoon for the first time in over a year. (There's not much there. Just overgrown grass and mud, so I rarely feel the urge to go out there). But I saw that my neighbor had plugged their central ac unit into my outside outlet. So in other words, I've been paying for their air conditioning for an undetermined amount of time. But if my electric bills are any indication, at least a year.
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LocationBot 4.6319918 & 17/64ths | [Report Issues
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: summer) were much higher than usual. I've lived here for 4 years, but the summer electric bills last year were nearly $500/month compared to my usual $120-150/month from other summers. I'm a penny pincher, so I rarely turn on my central ac, turn lights off, and unplug things when I leave for more than a day. My neighbors though are constantly blasting their air conditioning (I can hear it when the central air unit outside is on). I walked out my back door this afternoon for the first time in over a year. (There's not much there. Just overgrown grass and mud, so I rarely feel the urge to go out there). But I saw that my neighbor had plugged their central ac unit into my outside outlet. So in other words, I've been paying for their air conditioning for an undetermined amount of time. But if my electric bills are any indication, at least a year.
RESPONSE A: I would leave it on and call the police and Press charges. Ask for restitution. You might have to ask the DA for that. It’s easier than a civil suite. Take pictures. Most central air is direct wired. This means they changed to a plug explicitly to steal your power. Then call the power company. They have their own investigators. Also get your power bills together to show all your costs.
RESPONSE B: ALL Central AC units have to be hardwired to a junction box with a disconnect switch. They’re also 220 volts, whereas the average power outlet is 120V. They also would not be able to handle the wattage of a Central AC unit. I would double check that their AC unit is actually connected to your electrical system before taking any action. Go unplug it if it actually has a plug. If it is direct wired, go flip off your AC breaker at the panel and see if their outside unit turns off. You’ll want to verify this. Your neighbors could get in serious trouble for 1.) Making unauthorized electrical alterations 2.) violating building codes by making unsafely connecting their AC to your electrical system (if it is just a plug somehow) 3.) tampering with your property.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: stealing my electricity for at least a year. I only just discovered it. Location: New York State ​ I live in a townhome community (rental). Each unit has their own utility meter. In the last year, my electricity bills (especially in the summer) were much higher than usual. I've lived here for 4 years, but the summer electric bills last year were nearly $500/month compared to my usual $120-150/month from other summers. I'm a penny pincher, so I rarely turn on my central ac, turn lights off, and unplug things when I leave for more than a day. My neighbors though are constantly blasting their air conditioning (I can hear it when the central air unit outside is on). I walked out my back door this afternoon for the first time in over a year. (There's not much there. Just overgrown grass and mud, so I rarely feel the urge to go out there). But I saw that my neighbor had plugged their central ac unit into my outside outlet. So in other words, I've been paying for their air conditioning for an undetermined amount of time. But if my electric bills are any indication, at least a year.
RESPONSE A: ALL Central AC units have to be hardwired to a junction box with a disconnect switch. They’re also 220 volts, whereas the average power outlet is 120V. They also would not be able to handle the wattage of a Central AC unit. I would double check that their AC unit is actually connected to your electrical system before taking any action. Go unplug it if it actually has a plug. If it is direct wired, go flip off your AC breaker at the panel and see if their outside unit turns off. You’ll want to verify this. Your neighbors could get in serious trouble for 1.) Making unauthorized electrical alterations 2.) violating building codes by making unsafely connecting their AC to your electrical system (if it is just a plug somehow) 3.) tampering with your property.
RESPONSE B: not legal advice. You should find the breaker in your electrical panel which controls the outside outlet and shut it off as a first step.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: ripped. Turns out the outside panel was switched off. Weird, we figured it was a neighborhood kid or something. But the panel happens to be close to one of the windows where I work, so now I'm on the lookout for my building in case it happens again. Turns out it's a full grown man. I was in disbelief at first and just shouted 'why' out the window and in response he flipped me off and ran away. Keep in mind I recently moved in so nobody should have a beef with me so far, especially not somebody I don't even know. I called the police and they told me since the panel is an open access panel no crime was committed and it is a civil matter. I was a bit shocked that anybody can turn off our building's power without consequence. I asked around, and turns out people in my building know him. Local crazy neighbor. So now I have his address and name. My question is, what can I do if he keeps shutting off our power? Our HOA said they would look into adding a lock for the panel but are concerned about emergency access with a lock so they may not add one. Off the top of my head I considered suing for damages if he shuts off my power while I'm working from home or something, just to have him face some sort of minor consequence. Just really surprised it's not a criminal act and not sure where to go from here. I can think of a lot of actions to remedy this that aren't legal but I'd love to hear what I can do legally.
RESPONSE A: Might be worth a call to Adult protective services, especially if the cops give you the runaround. APS might be able to give you solutions that enable him to get the help that he might need while saving you the time and money of a legal battle.
RESPONSE B: You might be able to put him through small claims for the electrician costs just to add a hassle that hopefully acts as a deterrent. An auditory alarm when the the door is opened might be a deterrent that doesn’t impede an actual emergency, consider solutions they use for fire extinguishers for example.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: s a full grown man. I was in disbelief at first and just shouted 'why' out the window and in response he flipped me off and ran away. Keep in mind I recently moved in so nobody should have a beef with me so far, especially not somebody I don't even know. I called the police and they told me since the panel is an open access panel no crime was committed and it is a civil matter. I was a bit shocked that anybody can turn off our building's power without consequence. I asked around, and turns out people in my building know him. Local crazy neighbor. So now I have his address and name. My question is, what can I do if he keeps shutting off our power? Our HOA said they would look into adding a lock for the panel but are concerned about emergency access with a lock so they may not add one. Off the top of my head I considered suing for damages if he shuts off my power while I'm working from home or something, just to have him face some sort of minor consequence. Just really surprised it's not a criminal act and not sure where to go from here. I can think of a lot of actions to remedy this that aren't legal but I'd love to hear what I can do legally.
RESPONSE A: >I called the police and they told me since the panel is an open access panel no crime was committed and it is a civil matter. Post the property with "no trespassing" signs. As a result, a stranger must trespass to get to your panel, and police will have a criminal offense to cite him or arrest him for next time you report. Install a motion activated camera to have a proof of who does it next time. > Turns out he also likes to shut off people's electricity. Put a padlock on the box? All my electrical boxes have a small hole for a padlock. That's what I'd do myself.
RESPONSE B: The easiest solution is to just push the HOA for a lock. Emergency access? If it’s that much of an emergency, they can just cut the lock. You can always just add the lock yourself.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: don't need an easement for that if it is the only way to service a lot, but they won't go around clearing private land for buried lines without express permission. However, not sure how accurate that is. I also sent a very very brief email to the local bylaw saying that my neighbor had cut trees on my property, and asking them to contact me with the next steps. Weekend, so obviously haven't heard back from them either. My questions: What are the tree laws in Ontario like? I have read many a thread here about U.S. tree laws, but can't find much for Ontario. Google hasn't been overly fruitful either. On a civil level, is there any sense in pursing this matter beyond what I have already done? If it may be worth-while to pursue civilly, what happens when not even stumps exist anymore? The entire surrounding area is all mature trees/forested, so would it have to be restored to match the surrounding area? Once I do all my information gathering, should I draft a letter myself to her about removing junk, restoring cut trees, or would it be more advisable to have the lawyer that helped with the purchase of my home draft one for me? I know standard advice here is contact a lawyer, but with a civil matter, I'm wondering if I am careful and clever if I might be able to handle it myself without creating a total disaster. My reason for considering the DIY approach is the stories we have heard of her in the last day, I feel like a firm but polite letter from me might *might* prevent the all-out-war that I can assume will come my way if the letter is on my lawyer's letterhead. Thanks for reading, as promised, [lame paint diagram
RESPONSE A: I don't think her contractor for the yard work is done. You should camp out waiting for them to arrive and inform them they have been working on the wrong property. If they refuse to leave call the police.
RESPONSE B: If you still need an assist on tree law, ask a local architect. They have to stay current on zoning and tree laws. Local arborist, also. Good luck with this, and make the new neighbor cry.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: cables are fine, they don't need an easement for that if it is the only way to service a lot, but they won't go around clearing private land for buried lines without express permission. However, not sure how accurate that is. I also sent a very very brief email to the local bylaw saying that my neighbor had cut trees on my property, and asking them to contact me with the next steps. Weekend, so obviously haven't heard back from them either. My questions: What are the tree laws in Ontario like? I have read many a thread here about U.S. tree laws, but can't find much for Ontario. Google hasn't been overly fruitful either. On a civil level, is there any sense in pursing this matter beyond what I have already done? If it may be worth-while to pursue civilly, what happens when not even stumps exist anymore? The entire surrounding area is all mature trees/forested, so would it have to be restored to match the surrounding area? Once I do all my information gathering, should I draft a letter myself to her about removing junk, restoring cut trees, or would it be more advisable to have the lawyer that helped with the purchase of my home draft one for me? I know standard advice here is contact a lawyer, but with a civil matter, I'm wondering if I am careful and clever if I might be able to handle it myself without creating a total disaster. My reason for considering the DIY approach is the stories we have heard of her in the last day, I feel like a firm but polite letter from me might *might* prevent the all-out-war that I can assume will come my way if the letter is on my lawyer's letterhead. Thanks for reading, as promised, [lame paint diagram
RESPONSE A: Does Canada have a real estate board that you can report her to. Cause if she is doing shady stuff like this, who knows how she does her real estate deals.
RESPONSE B: If you still need an assist on tree law, ask a local architect. They have to stay current on zoning and tree laws. Local arborist, also. Good luck with this, and make the new neighbor cry.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: it is the only way to service a lot, but they won't go around clearing private land for buried lines without express permission. However, not sure how accurate that is. I also sent a very very brief email to the local bylaw saying that my neighbor had cut trees on my property, and asking them to contact me with the next steps. Weekend, so obviously haven't heard back from them either. My questions: What are the tree laws in Ontario like? I have read many a thread here about U.S. tree laws, but can't find much for Ontario. Google hasn't been overly fruitful either. On a civil level, is there any sense in pursing this matter beyond what I have already done? If it may be worth-while to pursue civilly, what happens when not even stumps exist anymore? The entire surrounding area is all mature trees/forested, so would it have to be restored to match the surrounding area? Once I do all my information gathering, should I draft a letter myself to her about removing junk, restoring cut trees, or would it be more advisable to have the lawyer that helped with the purchase of my home draft one for me? I know standard advice here is contact a lawyer, but with a civil matter, I'm wondering if I am careful and clever if I might be able to handle it myself without creating a total disaster. My reason for considering the DIY approach is the stories we have heard of her in the last day, I feel like a firm but polite letter from me might *might* prevent the all-out-war that I can assume will come my way if the letter is on my lawyer's letterhead. Thanks for reading, as promised, [lame paint diagram
RESPONSE A: Does Canada have a real estate board that you can report her to. Cause if she is doing shady stuff like this, who knows how she does her real estate deals.
RESPONSE B: I see you already have a lawyer. Yay. So I just want to say, after all is said and done, congrats on your new piece of land! Because the way it's looking, she will have to sell it to make it right, or just hand it over to you.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: (CA) Neighbor keeps inviting people to park in my gated drive-way. What happens if I lock the gate and refuse to let neighbor's guests access their cars? I have a gated drive way I leave open during the day for a multitude of reasons. My neighbor keeps telling people they can park in my driveway even though there is ample street parking and he has his own driveway with extra spaces. I have asked him many times to not have his guests park on my property but he just tells me I have lots of space so he doesn't see what the problem is. The next time this happens, if I just lock my gate with his guest's cars in there and go on vacation for a few days, or just flat out tell them they're not welcome onto my property, what would happen? Could I get in any legal trouble? Yes, I'm aware calling to get the cars towed is an option, but I'm feeling really petty right now and want to make them wait a few hours or days to get their cars.
RESPONSE A: Why not just post a sign that says "private property no parking all violators will be towed." And then have them towed?
RESPONSE B: If your neighbor is telling his guests to park in your driveway, they probably think you're okay with that. Put up an "absolutely no parking" sign so at least the guests have some clue that the neighbor is being an asshole.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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POST: I feel like dad probably isn’t the best person for her to contact) Don’t comment if you’re just going to say oh it sounds like he is not well—no shit he’s not—I am not a doctor and thus don’t see any reason to encourage the clinicalization of a 40 year old virgin’s bad behavior as a means of somehow rendering it excusable or somehow less harmful. This shit sucks, it’s my finals week at school and the holiday season at work and I’m upset that just like... being alive is prompting what I would consider harassment from this lame ass dude. What am I supposed to do to make this stop while remaining safe? I don’t really feel like knocking on the door of someone who acts like this and trying to be confrontational with him about it is a good idea cos he seems so unstable (or, his stability includes aggression that does not merit any kind of contact, much less face-to-face) Is there any way I can call the police and ask that they only come if he is taken to a hospital, an addiction center, or the station rather than just being checked up on? I am seriously afraid and just want this shit to stop
RESPONSE A: \> The most recent time I’ve brought this up to her she told me I should just call the police; Then CALL THE POLICE. Your landlady wont do anything, apparently. Call the police and file a complaint. \> Is there any way I can call the police and ask that they only come if he is taken to a hospital, an addiction center, or the station rather than just being checked up on? I am seriously afraid and just want this shit to stop You can explain what is going on to the police. And if they can they will intervene. ENough calls and it will hit the landlord. The location will help (I might have missed it but I can't find it)
RESPONSE B: Try to get a recording of him doing this in addition to documenting everything. That way you have something to show the police when you call them. Have you considered putting rugs down?
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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POST: virgin’s bad behavior as a means of somehow rendering it excusable or somehow less harmful. This shit sucks, it’s my finals week at school and the holiday season at work and I’m upset that just like... being alive is prompting what I would consider harassment from this lame ass dude. What am I supposed to do to make this stop while remaining safe? I don’t really feel like knocking on the door of someone who acts like this and trying to be confrontational with him about it is a good idea cos he seems so unstable (or, his stability includes aggression that does not merit any kind of contact, much less face-to-face) Is there any way I can call the police and ask that they only come if he is taken to a hospital, an addiction center, or the station rather than just being checked up on? I am seriously afraid and just want this shit to stop
RESPONSE A: \> The most recent time I’ve brought this up to her she told me I should just call the police; Then CALL THE POLICE. Your landlady wont do anything, apparently. Call the police and file a complaint. \> Is there any way I can call the police and ask that they only come if he is taken to a hospital, an addiction center, or the station rather than just being checked up on? I am seriously afraid and just want this shit to stop You can explain what is going on to the police. And if they can they will intervene. ENough calls and it will hit the landlord. The location will help (I might have missed it but I can't find it)
RESPONSE B: I'm trying to figure out why your landlady doesn't grow a spine and take care of it. This kind of seems like something *she* can take care of, is it not? You're probably going to have to call the police, though, especially if he's making threats. One thing I'd recommend is to talk to other neighbors. You said other people have complained. Maybe see if you can get them to say something, too. Sorry you're dealing with this. Hope it gets better for you.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: fills out the renewal application and corresponds with the landlord if there’s any maintenance issue. The most recent time I’ve brought this up to her she told me I should just call the police; I told her I felt conflicted in the event that a visit from the police might escalate things and jeopardize my safety even more (to which she responded by essentially suggesting I stay somewhere else and bring my cats while she waits to hear back from his dad...honestly I feel like dad probably isn’t the best person for her to contact) Don’t comment if you’re just going to say oh it sounds like he is not well—no shit he’s not—I am not a doctor and thus don’t see any reason to encourage the clinicalization of a 40 year old virgin’s bad behavior as a means of somehow rendering it excusable or somehow less harmful. This shit sucks, it’s my finals week at school and the holiday season at work and I’m upset that just like... being alive is prompting what I would consider harassment from this lame ass dude. What am I supposed to do to make this stop while remaining safe? I don’t really feel like knocking on the door of someone who acts like this and trying to be confrontational with him about it is a good idea cos he seems so unstable (or, his stability includes aggression that does not merit any kind of contact, much less face-to-face) Is there any way I can call the police and ask that they only come if he is taken to a hospital, an addiction center, or the station rather than just being checked up on? I am seriously afraid and just want this shit to stop
RESPONSE A: Stop tiptoeing. Literally and figuratively. Record conversations with this person. Call police when he threatens you. Call every time.
RESPONSE B: I would also contact Adult Protective Services and as others have said, call the police and document everything. In any State you are entitled to the to quiet enjoyment. ... It includes the rights to reasonable privacy, freedom from unreasonable disturbance, exclusive possession, and use of common areas for reasonable purposes without significant interference.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: there’s any maintenance issue. The most recent time I’ve brought this up to her she told me I should just call the police; I told her I felt conflicted in the event that a visit from the police might escalate things and jeopardize my safety even more (to which she responded by essentially suggesting I stay somewhere else and bring my cats while she waits to hear back from his dad...honestly I feel like dad probably isn’t the best person for her to contact) Don’t comment if you’re just going to say oh it sounds like he is not well—no shit he’s not—I am not a doctor and thus don’t see any reason to encourage the clinicalization of a 40 year old virgin’s bad behavior as a means of somehow rendering it excusable or somehow less harmful. This shit sucks, it’s my finals week at school and the holiday season at work and I’m upset that just like... being alive is prompting what I would consider harassment from this lame ass dude. What am I supposed to do to make this stop while remaining safe? I don’t really feel like knocking on the door of someone who acts like this and trying to be confrontational with him about it is a good idea cos he seems so unstable (or, his stability includes aggression that does not merit any kind of contact, much less face-to-face) Is there any way I can call the police and ask that they only come if he is taken to a hospital, an addiction center, or the station rather than just being checked up on? I am seriously afraid and just want this shit to stop
RESPONSE A: Just a small thing -- "I have two white noise machines running" -- turn off the white noise. It would help if he had white noise in his apartment. However, the white noise in your apartment isn't going to get to him. The white noise in your apartment will mislead you into thinking you are more quiet than you actually are.
RESPONSE B: Stop tiptoeing. Literally and figuratively. Record conversations with this person. Call police when he threatens you. Call every time.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: I told her I felt conflicted in the event that a visit from the police might escalate things and jeopardize my safety even more (to which she responded by essentially suggesting I stay somewhere else and bring my cats while she waits to hear back from his dad...honestly I feel like dad probably isn’t the best person for her to contact) Don’t comment if you’re just going to say oh it sounds like he is not well—no shit he’s not—I am not a doctor and thus don’t see any reason to encourage the clinicalization of a 40 year old virgin’s bad behavior as a means of somehow rendering it excusable or somehow less harmful. This shit sucks, it’s my finals week at school and the holiday season at work and I’m upset that just like... being alive is prompting what I would consider harassment from this lame ass dude. What am I supposed to do to make this stop while remaining safe? I don’t really feel like knocking on the door of someone who acts like this and trying to be confrontational with him about it is a good idea cos he seems so unstable (or, his stability includes aggression that does not merit any kind of contact, much less face-to-face) Is there any way I can call the police and ask that they only come if he is taken to a hospital, an addiction center, or the station rather than just being checked up on? I am seriously afraid and just want this shit to stop
RESPONSE A: Stop tiptoeing. Literally and figuratively. Record conversations with this person. Call police when he threatens you. Call every time.
RESPONSE B: Contact the police. Talk to your neighbors and see if they are willing to make a statement. Get a paper trail started. As this escalates and it probably will you'll need that paper trail to get a restraining order against him. Once there is a restraining order in place it gives the cops more options when issues occur. Getting the police involved should also light a fire under the dad's ass to get involved and help deal with the situation.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My ex wife’s boyfriend showers with my six year old son. Is this even legal? I talked to a cps caseworker who highly advised that I file a report. It bothers me that my ex wife thinks that this is okay. Is there a law or statute against this? I need some advice
RESPONSE A: Without a location it's impossible to state for certain but I previously prosecuted a similar case here in NY so odds are good it would be considered abuse in your state as well. Call CPS and file a report immediately.
RESPONSE B: As someone who works with children on a daily basis, and I have two degrees that relate to this experience, (education and child psychology) my best advice to you is to avoid (unintentionally) luring your son. I know you have concerns, whatever those concerns may be, but absolutely avoid suggesting things to him (I.e., Has so and so ever touched you here?). If you want to turn this into a legal situation involving CPS, they’re not going to appreciate and/or take you seriously if someone, say your ex, accuses you of misleading your son, or confusing him. Just leave any sort of interview questions to a psychologist or CPS official. Just my two cents. 🤙🏻
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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B
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POST: My ex wife’s boyfriend showers with my six year old son. Is this even legal? I talked to a cps caseworker who highly advised that I file a report. It bothers me that my ex wife thinks that this is okay. Is there a law or statute against this? I need some advice
RESPONSE A: You already got advice from someone who knows better than any of us. The statute depends on the state and what exactly is happening, but that’s not your concern. Let CPS sort out the details once you do your part and file the report.
RESPONSE B: As someone who works with children on a daily basis, and I have two degrees that relate to this experience, (education and child psychology) my best advice to you is to avoid (unintentionally) luring your son. I know you have concerns, whatever those concerns may be, but absolutely avoid suggesting things to him (I.e., Has so and so ever touched you here?). If you want to turn this into a legal situation involving CPS, they’re not going to appreciate and/or take you seriously if someone, say your ex, accuses you of misleading your son, or confusing him. Just leave any sort of interview questions to a psychologist or CPS official. Just my two cents. 🤙🏻
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My ex wife’s boyfriend showers with my six year old son. Is this even legal? I talked to a cps caseworker who highly advised that I file a report. It bothers me that my ex wife thinks that this is okay. Is there a law or statute against this? I need some advice
RESPONSE A: As someone who works with children on a daily basis, and I have two degrees that relate to this experience, (education and child psychology) my best advice to you is to avoid (unintentionally) luring your son. I know you have concerns, whatever those concerns may be, but absolutely avoid suggesting things to him (I.e., Has so and so ever touched you here?). If you want to turn this into a legal situation involving CPS, they’re not going to appreciate and/or take you seriously if someone, say your ex, accuses you of misleading your son, or confusing him. Just leave any sort of interview questions to a psychologist or CPS official. Just my two cents. 🤙🏻
RESPONSE B: Make a CPS report ASAP
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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A
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POST: My ex wife’s boyfriend showers with my six year old son. Is this even legal? I talked to a cps caseworker who highly advised that I file a report. It bothers me that my ex wife thinks that this is okay. Is there a law or statute against this? I need some advice
RESPONSE A: As someone who works with children on a daily basis, and I have two degrees that relate to this experience, (education and child psychology) my best advice to you is to avoid (unintentionally) luring your son. I know you have concerns, whatever those concerns may be, but absolutely avoid suggesting things to him (I.e., Has so and so ever touched you here?). If you want to turn this into a legal situation involving CPS, they’re not going to appreciate and/or take you seriously if someone, say your ex, accuses you of misleading your son, or confusing him. Just leave any sort of interview questions to a psychologist or CPS official. Just my two cents. 🤙🏻
RESPONSE B: Best advice? Listen to the CPS agent. Let them and law enforcement worry about the laws. I would also consult an attorney.
Which response is better? RESPONSE
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