jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Mom, Bart is on a strict diet of complex carbohydrates. Steak will make him logy.
Ohhh, well, what won't make him logy?
Oatmeal.
Oatmeal?
Oats are what a champion thoroughbred eats before he or she wins the Kentucky Derby.
News flash, Lisa! Bart is not a horse. Eat your steak, boy.
Mom, do I have to?
Good afternoon, everybody, and welcome to the finale of what has already been a stirring afternoon of miniature golf. The cream has risen, the wheat has bid farewell to the chaff, and now we approach the championship match with but two warriors remaining: The heretofore unknown Bart Simpson, and Todd Flanders, one of the most skilled ten-year-olds to ever take back the blade.
Bart, having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound. But here goes. I believe in you.
Thanks, man!
Hey, Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win.
Actually, Simpson, we were praying that no one gets hurt.
Oh... Well, Flan-ders, it doesn't matter. This time tomorrow, you'll be wearing high heels.
No, you will.
'Fraid not.
'Fraid so.
'Fraid not.
'Fraid so.
'Fraid not infinity.
'Fraid so infinity plus one.
Young Flanders has the honor and will tee off first.
It's got a chance... Yes, sir!
Oh, man...
Tree falling in the woods. Tree falling in the woods. Tree falling in...
And the battle is well and truly joined!
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Mercy is for the weak, Todd.
If one were to look up "courage" in the Oxford English Dictionary, one might very well come upon a photo of these two gladiators. They approach the final hole in the shadow of the great emancipator, deadlocked at eight strokes on the happy side of par. Soon, one man will emerge triumphant. He will drink naught but champagne, while his opponent tastes bitter defeat in this oft cruel game.
It's okay, son. You can recover.
Come on, Bart. Remember what Vince Lombardi said: "If you lose, you're out of the family."
Neither man showing his best form... This sort of pressure can unhinge even the steeliest of competitors.
This is pretty tense, isn't it, Todd?
Yeah, my knees are shaking, I've got butterflies in my stomach... but I guess this builds character.
Who wants to build character. Let's quit.
We decided we're equally good.
We want to call it a draw, man.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a draw!
You will forgive an old Brit for crying, but this is the most stirring display of gallantry and sportsmanship since Mountbatten gave India back to the Punjabs.
Put her there, man!
Yeah, all right!
Well, Homer, our kids showed us something today, huh? By working together, we can both be winners. Thank heaven neither of us has to go through with that silly wager. Put 'er there, pal.
Ohhh, so you're gonna welch on our bet?!
What are you talking about? Neither boy lost.
I got it right here in writing.
The father of the boy who doesn't win has to mow the lawn in his wife's Sunday dress.
But... neither, I mean we're both... I mean, you have to do it too.
It's a small price to pay to see you humiliate yourself.
Oh, my best dress.
Why do I get the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?
Listen to 'em laughing... This is so humiliating... I'm never gonna live this down... Damn Flanders...
Halftime, Marge, halftime.
Ding-dong!
Y'know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly, but what the hay... you know, it kinda reminds me of my good ole' fraternity days.
Oh my God! He's enjoying it!
Bart, cut it out!
Bart! Stop fighting with your sister!
She took my glue!
It's not yours, Bart! This is family glue!
Stop it, you two! This is Thanksgiving! So glue friendly, or I'll take your glue away and then no one will have any glue to glue with!
Dad, this isn't about glue. It's about territoriality. He only wants the glue because I'm using it.
Oh yeah? Prove it!
Hey, man, I don't want your stupid glue.
Uh-oh. Here comes our friend, Bullwinkle J. Moose...
Heh... heh... heh. Bullwinkle's antler sprung a leak.
Uh-oh... it looks like ol' Bullwinkle's kinda got a taste of his own medicine!
He certainly did, Bill!
Wait, what did that mean? Did what I say make sense?
Well... no... not really, Bill!
Boy, now I know how the Pilgrims felt.
What're you talking about, Bill?
Who the hell is that?
Bullwinkle.
Who? Wait a minute, who's that?
Underdog! Don't you know anything?
Well, I know it wouldn't hurt 'em to use some cartoons made in the last fifty years.
Son, this is a tradition. If you start building a balloon for every flash-in-the-pan cartoon character, you'd turn the parade into a farce.
Maggie, I'm about to unveil my centerpiece to the family!
Here comes the cavalry!
Homer, you promised to be nice to my sisters.
I know, I will.
It's a tribute to the trailblazing women who made our country great... See, there's Georgia O'Keefe... Susan B. Anthony... and this is Marjorie Stoneman Douglas. I'm sure you haven't heard of her, but she worked her whole life to preserve the Florida Everglades.
As one of the Simpson women, would you like to contribute something to it?
Oh, thank you.
Honey, please. You're in the way.
Can't I help you, Mom?
Well, okay. Let's see... Can you do the cranberry sauce?
Yeah! Where is it?
The can is in the cupboard on the bottom shelf.
No, no, no, the other shelf.
Got it. Now what?
Open the can.
No problemo. Where's the can opener?
It's in the second drawer from the right.
No, no, no, no, the other one.
Oh, I got ya.
It's broken, Mom. Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken.
I don't think that it's broken, honey. Here, let me try.
Here you go.
Ah, cranberry sauce à la Bart.
Just stick it in the refrigerator when you're done. Bart. Bart?

Mom, Bart is on a strict diet of complex carbohydrates. Steak will make him logy.

Ohhh, well, what won't make him logy?

Oatmeal.

Oatmeal?

Oats are what a champion thoroughbred eats before he or she wins the Kentucky Derby.

News flash, Lisa! Bart is not a horse. Eat your steak, boy.

Mom, do I have to?

Good afternoon, everybody, and welcome to the finale of what has already been a stirring afternoon of miniature golf. The cream has risen, the wheat has bid farewell to the chaff, and now we approach the championship match with but two warriors remaining: The heretofore unknown Bart Simpson, and Todd Flanders, one of the most skilled ten-year-olds to ever take back the blade.

Bart, having never received any words of encouragement myself, I'm not sure how they're supposed to sound. But here goes. I believe in you.

Thanks, man!

Hey, Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win.

Actually, Simpson, we were praying that no one gets hurt.

Oh... Well, Flan-ders, it doesn't matter. This time tomorrow, you'll be wearing high heels.

No, you will.

'Fraid not.

'Fraid so.

'Fraid not.

'Fraid so.

'Fraid not infinity.

'Fraid so infinity plus one.

Young Flanders has the honor and will tee off first.

It's got a chance... Yes, sir!

Oh, man...

Tree falling in the woods. Tree falling in the woods. Tree falling in...

And the battle is well and truly joined!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Mercy is for the weak, Todd.

If one were to look up "courage" in the Oxford English Dictionary, one might very well come upon a photo of these two gladiators. They approach the final hole in the shadow of the great emancipator, deadlocked at eight strokes on the happy side of par. Soon, one man will emerge triumphant. He will drink naught but champagne, while his opponent tastes bitter defeat in this oft cruel game.

It's okay, son. You can recover.

Come on, Bart. Remember what Vince Lombardi said: "If you lose, you're out of the family."

Neither man showing his best form... This sort of pressure can unhinge even the steeliest of competitors.

This is pretty tense, isn't it, Todd?

Yeah, my knees are shaking, I've got butterflies in my stomach... but I guess this builds character.

Who wants to build character. Let's quit.

We decided we're equally good.

We want to call it a draw, man.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a draw!

You will forgive an old Brit for crying, but this is the most stirring display of gallantry and sportsmanship since Mountbatten gave India back to the Punjabs.

Put her there, man!

Yeah, all right!

Well, Homer, our kids showed us something today, huh? By working together, we can both be winners. Thank heaven neither of us has to go through with that silly wager. Put 'er there, pal.

Ohhh, so you're gonna welch on our bet?!

What are you talking about? Neither boy lost.

I got it right here in writing.

The father of the boy who doesn't win has to mow the lawn in his wife's Sunday dress.

But... neither, I mean we're both... I mean, you have to do it too.

It's a small price to pay to see you humiliate yourself.

Oh, my best dress.

Why do I get the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist?

Listen to 'em laughing... This is so humiliating... I'm never gonna live this down... Damn Flanders...

Halftime, Marge, halftime.

Ding-dong!

Y'know, Simpson, I feel kinda silly, but what the hay... you know, it kinda reminds me of my good ole' fraternity days.

Oh my God! He's enjoying it!

Bart, cut it out!

Bart! Stop fighting with your sister!

She took my glue!

It's not yours, Bart! This is family glue!

Stop it, you two! This is Thanksgiving! So glue friendly, or I'll take your glue away and then no one will have any glue to glue with!

Dad, this isn't about glue. It's about territoriality. He only wants the glue because I'm using it.

Oh yeah? Prove it!

Hey, man, I don't want your stupid glue.

Uh-oh. Here comes our friend, Bullwinkle J. Moose...

Heh... heh... heh. Bullwinkle's antler sprung a leak.

Uh-oh... it looks like ol' Bullwinkle's kinda got a taste of his own medicine!

He certainly did, Bill!

Wait, what did that mean? Did what I say make sense?

Well... no... not really, Bill!

Boy, now I know how the Pilgrims felt.

What're you talking about, Bill?

Who the hell is that?

Bullwinkle.

Who? Wait a minute, who's that?

Underdog! Don't you know anything?

Well, I know it wouldn't hurt 'em to use some cartoons made in the last fifty years.

Son, this is a tradition. If you start building a balloon for every flash-in-the-pan cartoon character, you'd turn the parade into a farce.

Maggie, I'm about to unveil my centerpiece to the family!

Here comes the cavalry!

Homer, you promised to be nice to my sisters.

I know, I will.

It's a tribute to the trailblazing women who made our country great... See, there's Georgia O'Keefe... Susan B. Anthony... and this is Marjorie Stoneman Douglas. I'm sure you haven't heard of her, but she worked her whole life to preserve the Florida Everglades.

As one of the Simpson women, would you like to contribute something to it?

Oh, thank you.

Honey, please. You're in the way.

Can't I help you, Mom?

Well, okay. Let's see... Can you do the cranberry sauce?

Yeah! Where is it?

The can is in the cupboard on the bottom shelf.

No, no, no, the other shelf.

Got it. Now what?

Open the can.

No problemo. Where's the can opener?

It's in the second drawer from the right.

No, no, no, no, the other one.

Oh, I got ya.

It's broken, Mom. Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken. Mom, it's broken.

I don't think that it's broken, honey. Here, let me try.

Here you go.

Ah, cranberry sauce à la Bart.

Just stick it in the refrigerator when you're done. Bart. Bart?