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rick-and-morty-script

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Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced.
Rick:
Shut up, Summer.
Rick:
Who the fuck is Noob-Noob?
Rick:
Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis?
Morty:
Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick!
Rick:
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Rick:
What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot.
Morty:
They tried to murder him first.
Morty:
Yeah, he knows. He murdered them.
Rick:
Every day.
Rick:
You don’t have to be a dick.
Morty:
Geez. I didn’t know there were still Ricks and Mortys living on the Citadel. I wonder what their day-to-day lives are like.
Rick:
Well, you can keep wondering that while we go on our fun, fresh, self-contained adventure to Atlantis. Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid, or one of the unfortunate millions held hostage by their terrible ideas.
Morty:
Man. Glad I’m not one of them!
Narrator:
Sixteen iterations off the central finite curve, there’s a Rick that works more with wood than polarity plating.
Narrator:
His name is Simple Rick, but he’s no dummy.
Narrator:
He realized long ago that the greatest thing he’d ever create was his daughter.
Narrator:
We captured that moment and run it on a loop through Simple Rick’s mind.
Narrator:
And the chemical that makes his brain secrete goes into every Simple Rick’s Simple Wafer Cookie. Come home to the impossible flavor of your own completion. Come home to Simple Rick’s.
Campaign Manager Morty:
We had a good run, sir, but I think it’s time to pull out of the race.
Candidate Morty:
I feel pretty confident about tonight’s debate.
Campaign Manager Morty:
You shouldn’t, sir. You should be terrified.
Candidate Morty:
Maybe you should find a little faith, young man.
Campaign Manager Morty:
You don’t pay me to have faith! And we’re the same age!
Cop Rick:
Oh! S-sorry, I was expecting--
Cop Morty:
A Rick partner? Lesson one, rookie
Morty:
Mortys are human!
Cop Morty:
Get the fuck off the car, you Rickless fuckin’ animal!
Morty:
WHOA!!
Cop Morty:
The election’s got these yellow shirts more riled up than a Picture Day Jessica.
Cop Rick:
That’s pretty harsh, sir.
Cop Morty:
So report me. Nobody gives a fuck.
Cop Rick:
Look, I’m just saying. Makes me a little sad to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys “animals”.
Cop Morty:
Well, it makes me sad to see another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training.