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degree that meets our practical needs. Nevertheless, we
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should be grateful that our friends in psychiatry have so
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strongly emphasized the necessity to search for false and
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often unconscious motivations."
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Those Other People
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"Just like you, I have often thought myself the victim of what
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other people say and do. Yet every time I confessed the sins
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of such people, especially those whose sins did not
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correspond exactly with my own, I found that I only
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increased the total damage. My own resentment, my self-pity
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would often render me well-nigh useless to anybody.
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"So, nowadays, if anyone talks to me so as to hurt, I first ask
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myself if there is any truth at all in what they say. If there is
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none, I try to remember that I too have had my periods of
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speaking bitterly to others; that hurtful gossip is but a
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symptom of our remaining emotional illness; and
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consequently that I must never be angry at the
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unreasonableness of sick people.
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"Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to
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forgive others -- also myself. Have you recently tried this?"
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When Infancy Is Over
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"You must remember that every A.A. group starts, as it
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should, through the efforts of a single man and his friends --
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a founder and his hierarchy. There is no other way.
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"But when infancy is over, the original leaders always have
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to make way for that democracy which springs up through
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the grass roots and will eventuallysweep aside the selfchosen leadership of the past."
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"Everywhere the A.A. groups have taken their service affairs
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into their own hands. Local founders and their friends are
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now on the side lines. Why so many people forget that, when
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thinking of the future of our world services, I shall never
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understand.
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"The groups will eventually take over, and maybe they will
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squander their inheritance when they get it. It is probable,
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however, that they won't. Anyhow, they really have grown up;
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A.A. is theirs; let's give it to them."
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Honesty and Recovery
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In taking an inventory, a member might consider questions
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such as:
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How did my selfish pursuit of the sex relation damage other
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people and me? What people were hurt, and how badly? Just
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how did I react at the time? Did I burn with guilt? Or did I
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insist that I was the pursued and not the pursuer, and thus
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absolve myself?
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How have I reacted to frustration in sexual matters? When
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denied, did I become vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out
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on other people? If there was rejection or coldness at home,
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did I use this as a reason for promiscuity?
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Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his
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family back. This just isn't so. His recovery is not dependent
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upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God,
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however he may define Him.
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A.A. in Two Words
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TALK, 1965 (PRINTED IN GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1966)
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Troubles of Our Own Making
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Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of
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our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of
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our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us,
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seemingly withoutprovocation, but we invariably find that at
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some time in the past we have made decisions based on self
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which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
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So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.
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They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme
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example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think
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so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this
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selfishness. We must, or it kills us!
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ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, P. 62
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Compelling Love
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The life of each A.A. and of each group is built around our
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Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. We know that the
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penalty for extensive disobedience to these principles is
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death for the individual and dissolution for the group. But an
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even greater force for A.A.'s unity is our compelling love for
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our fellow members and for our principles.
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You might think the people at A.A.'s headquarters in New
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York would surely have to have some personal authority.
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But, long ago, trustees and secretaries alike found they
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could do no more than make very mild suggestions to the
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A.A. groups.
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They even had to coin a couple of sentences which still go
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liberty to handle this matter any way you please. But the
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majority experience in A.A. does seem to suggest..."
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A.A. world headquarters is not a giver of orders. It is, instead,
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our largest transmitter of the lessons of experience.
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Going It Alone
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Going it alone in spiritual matters is dangerous. How many
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times have we heard well-intentioned people claim the
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guidance of God when it was plain that they were mistaken?
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Lacking bothpractice and humility, they had deluded
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themselvelvelves and so were able to justify the most arrant
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nonsense on the ground that this was what God had told
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them.
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People of of very high spiritual development almost always
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insist on checking with friends or spiritual advisers the
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guidance they have received from God. Surely, then, a novice
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ought not lay himself open to the chance of making foolish,
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perhaps tragic, blunders. While the comment or advice of
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others may not be infallible, it is likely to be far more specific
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than any direct guidance we may receive while we wre still
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inexperienced in establishing contact with a Power greater
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